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suicidewatch,wouldbeking1,2018/01/01,I'm sure I won't make it to 2019 I'm just a broken failure. I'm tried of fighting all the time. I just want to be done with it all.,-3.0322727272727263,-1.5694106666666665,0.5002272727272725,106.17034090909092,95.06060606060606,3.3000000000000003,14.31060606060606,3.1291,-1.6822666666666666,100,2,30,0,4,36,23,33,0.266,0.627,0.107,-0.743,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5446764947578387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552809763566305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501639281416656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103592276083614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613627800185689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139348121708824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,captaindarshan,2018/01/01,"I've made up my mind and going through with suicide I'm gonna hang myself tomorrow. I haven't told any friends or family how I feel because I don't want anybody to get in my way. It's better for all of us this way. I have rope, a location, and a stool that I can stand up on. I'm gonna do this tomorrow and nobody will stop me. Goodbye. ",0.17370300751879594,1.666697986842106,2.928496240601504,93.40447368421052,82.28947368421052,6.448120300751881,22.69924812030075,7.447530270364453,0.7409721804511279,261,9,64,4,7,92,55,76,0.151,0.807,0.042,-0.7633,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,12,16,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,10,2,9,11,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866683683018606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691231663366522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24537069295418054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615431384538859,0.0,0.14028060452736066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434732329965625,0.0,0.1449495070247903,0.0,0.1576739769536752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625178245032514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801325237874115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319499553365868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034713105159345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651031719938037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337228396000077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363967221789402,0.44043353471375263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoKing_123,2018/01/01,"To weak for suicide I want to die so bad , but i know i will not be able to do it Becous of my mother who i love. 
When im close to a atempt the thought of hurting her stops me from doing anything.

Still im scared that 1 day i will feel so bad that even that tought wont stop me and that i will go trough with it.

",3.0508904109589072,1.7479003561643829,4.297363013698632,96.75782534246576,72.83561643835617,7.3000000000000025,23.72945205479452,3.1291,-0.11414794520547965,238,4,67,0,4,79,52,73,0.297,0.595,0.108,-0.9446,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,11,13,5,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,10,1,9,7,0,7,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,43,17,0,0.22078723148501234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181689079220852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686962320023303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238949903589646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914228847304896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458278841018779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163665815286028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547847169667875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635729773484165,0.0,0.476976194565913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213388883392317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926909652426425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210465353604462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763209682664245,0.3691760234385261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415053960268623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528039962602304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022602952977774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatpurpo5e,2018/01/01,"I'm so tired. I feel like an empty shell of a person. I have no purpose. I do nothing but hurt people and push them away even when I don't mean to. 

I was prepared to kill myself last night, but my roommate caught me on the way to the bathroom and he (unknowingly) distracted me from it for a little bit. I woke up this morning wishing to god that I had just done it. I know the damage it would do to the people I care about and my family. But I am not strong enough to fight this battle anymore. 

I am 27 and have had depression since I was about 17. I think what has effected it the most was having my dad pass away, when I was 13, from cancer. I never really got over it. I also have crippling anxiety, which doesn't make things any better or easier. 

I have asked the doctors for years to put me on an anti-depressant and they won't do it. They tell me that the side effects aren't worth it. I had a great job that I lost because of my depression. I recently got back into school for what I have always wanted to go to school for, I studied hard last term and got straight A's, but it isn't enough. I should have been proud of myself for getting such good grades, but I wasn't. Nothing makes me happy. I pretend I am okay around other people, but when I get by myself the thoughts are so overwhelming.

The thing is, no one really cares. My family cares, sure. But they are related to me. I don't think anyone not related to me would be phased if I was here anymore or not..

I will never be good enough. Not for myself, not for anyone else. This isn't a life that I want to live.I'm so tired of feeling depressed, lonely, and tired all the time. I honestly can't do it anymore. I'm sick of fighting it. I just want to feel okay again. ",1.8435163072536085,3.430672961325972,3.46971841026555,90.98518178577795,77.67403314917127,6.549420780609517,21.345927642131528,7.359569317364363,0.5573263945820712,1340,35,297,17,31,445,176,362,0.213,0.627,0.16,-0.9704,1,2,0,0,3,1,47.0,0,0,4,6,18,28,4,2,17,2,43,7,0,4,4,51,72,24,1,8,17,1,4,1,0,5,7,0,0,1,23,9,0,0,10,1,1,5,18,13,0,1,18,4,53,15,38,47,7,31,0,8,0,0,11,11,0,5,15,220,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068758861443731,0.07154296201887138,0.0,0.0,0.058469932159770276,0.0,0.06577512137935618,0.0,0.2558097235292965,0.1202396307748082,0.08809755023657392,0.0,0.0765411930269578,0.08038049609421624,0.0,0.16156369367355916,0.06611397287148389,0.0,0.05241313326968045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604308214453151,0.09386882858752817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629896465610582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962207495988053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800505195127684,0.0,0.08798827011756781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182597441772458,0.0,0.0,0.2665236327537451,0.0,0.05678954610580907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211020250492034,0.0,0.13042351641421088,0.061424742461197675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898428996290421,0.0,0.04886490329055823,0.14423332947842848,0.20630024102597733,0.09479419998751942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152822263463918,0.07702196081541167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920442872762246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532273495409215,0.0,0.09512508075824792,0.0,0.04725283121405231,0.1401717507089103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073082308398416,0.0420059043809891,0.08617540815552256,0.07592267325954627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385826379512116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478578134420417,0.0,0.0,0.0936583610116384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262747718707085,0.0,0.0,0.08068721115845133,0.0,0.1650019052114072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826285489231287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788249037623533,0.07507516916800823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643451082136028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016307918603996,0.0,0.08489572491786042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403443811411126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711242546169919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103594155370174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515106005082836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142437236802238,0.110186124688204,0.0,0.06825919745946922,0.05013613000580324,0.2964670455019495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214121401482775,0.06824760336332912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887374394035836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215666987247732,0.0,0.0,0.05536885385288718
suicidewatch,Ialreadyhate2018,2018/01/01,"I tell people '' happy new year'' but I'm terrified about the future All new years has done is pretty much take my ongoing depression and lack of a solid purpose in life  and somehow  made it even worse. Everyone else is so damn happy about the new years, but all I'm thinking about is how much longer  this shit is going to go on for, how I'm going to survive of I don't actually kill myself before that,  and how much longer I will have to suffer . I feel like life is not worth it for the tiny good moments or what have you. Because anytime I am happy, life promptly shits all over it and makes sure I am ten times as miserable afterwards. It's to the point where I am afraid of being happy and can't actually relax because I feel like I will get punished for it if I do. Anything I have to live for is also incredibly uncertain and not even something I give that much of a shit about. My family  feels like they only care about me when I'm mentally okay or do what they want me to do, and get mad at me for being depressed. ",6.041051271003879,4.9778716919431325,6.934510986643691,79.51047824213703,66.67772511848341,9.947608789314954,30.55622576475657,9.095868883498916,2.3043327014218007,801,24,168,12,11,269,114,211,0.243,0.568,0.19,-0.9637,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,2,1,15,25,7,3,6,1,23,6,3,5,4,31,42,19,1,3,7,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,1,1,3,4,13,0,1,2,3,21,12,25,36,8,20,0,4,0,0,5,6,4,5,14,118,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.1987066881580293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141862514599242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837821951336348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412669904091707,0.0,0.08663409345276768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380361648927056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753802031159791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418851958171477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505044970309845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449107997181609,0.0,0.0,0.09728525771379172,0.0,0.0,0.09597882755003366,0.0,0.15443687068380027,0.2182024822457272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063846202996272,0.09766687441742614,0.17358547655991768,0.08539466142827809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43352096835210535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126393475636031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573743437544846,0.14921987846670365,0.0,0.08990142571309626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633650936420968,0.06795997131949087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260205245874024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993726881054161,0.0,0.0,0.2949905628733923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743223866798417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705832795002002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962447822440905,0.0,0.0,0.10357890423859502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135241457533966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837947193852415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595614020038347,0.0,0.07654958246025767,0.0,0.08898774440309212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523670254211575,0.0,0.0,0.059367108318885774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005106451268835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375462335503674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668981693220616
suicidewatch,veronika_uselyte,2018/01/01,cry&die i just wanna cry and die in my own puddle of blood and tears.,0.532,2.9896492000000023,1.495000000000001,97.7025,90.33333333333334,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.3723333333333332,58,1,12,0,2,18,14,15,0.447,0.5529999999999999,0.0,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826878044121271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5907295238020235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5581339913479643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BunsofDeadStars,2018/01/01,"What a great way to start off the year. Cried myself to sleep last night, wasn't on the agenda at all. Siblings treat me and each other like shit. It's driving me insane. 2017 wasn't a good year at all. I wish I could honestly just hit my siblings and show them their place. They're ungrateful, they fight with the whole family. I'm so tired and i'm a failure of an older sibling.",0.7257243319268625,3.008184329113924,2.023206751054854,96.19137834036572,85.45569620253164,5.030098452883263,17.638537271448666,6.42735559955562,-0.255203656821378,298,7,66,3,9,95,60,79,0.255,0.585,0.16,-0.838,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,2,7,2,0,7,0,3,3,2,0,2,10,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,5,8,4,4,13,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,7,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979903758625388,0.0,0.2723923553423451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377173180956526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799230829292464,0.0,0.2733967875453376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213529073227848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114959899667972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271069674745154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590843889311899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25454600904447205,0.0,0.0,0.24815723842505594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552021201755227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28501440616958224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968335142831434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768587504172003,0.28516263621016114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31937959865560683
suicidewatch,Shortyman17,2018/01/01,"I’ve almost ended up killing myself So... yeah, my 2017 was going not so well as you might have guessed. 
Depression got worse, school performance dropped and I fcked things up with my crush. 

On Sylvester I was invited to a party of a friend and we drank a lot and had fun. He’s living in a village not too far from here and they are close to some bridges and the highway. 

Just about 10 minutes before the year ended I walked away.

My plan was to go to a bridge and jump as soon as I see a car -or even better- a truck driving underneath it.

However, I was very drunk and I rarely ever am in that village, so I had no plan where I could find the bridges and I ended up being lost.

And my phone died

So I was wandering around, drunk, suicidal at New Year. 

Good. Fucking. Shit.

My friends went to on to search for me as soon as they noticed me being not there and having no idea where I could be. And they found me. That friend that invited me over told me that he even searched at and underneath bridges. We haven’t talked more about my depression, it was only that one statement. 

When we were back at the party, we had some nice other conversations, played karaoke and eventually I kinda blacked out. Like, not fall and vomit, but I can’t remember anything that happened after I sang  some songs. 

I’m a mess.",2.890668756530822,4.6614489080459816,3.4590404040404046,91.39340909090912,75.24521072796934,6.737791710205504,25.27359804946012,7.520522993642371,1.0804007662835249,1019,35,218,13,22,319,150,261,0.122,0.79,0.08800000000000001,-0.8407,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,4,1,3,5,21,17,3,0,12,1,22,6,1,0,1,45,35,26,3,2,7,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,10,22,3,0,5,5,0,8,8,7,1,1,16,4,34,10,34,13,5,41,0,3,2,1,17,20,2,9,13,158,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330681273468346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935549379484917,0.11829848587205025,0.0,0.0,0.12485264194109365,0.10218266238583099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307789267021925,0.0,0.0,0.1175286290033878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220049522394746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22891246383552225,0.0,0.13791675434048986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35309795031750457,0.0,0.0,0.17554252950596372,0.12020479583231082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121457216296718,0.0,0.0,0.14570482306887247,0.30800679658991004,0.12285280634250635,0.0,0.0,0.15104661537013833,0.11146014201511856,0.1062826659444094,0.0,0.14639110400102695,0.0,0.11751241156390214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001436664684292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702087303752728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492235996644276,0.0,0.11734253066580012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450629400254021,0.11297661782091477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097315832623802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834404977647348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129385851878666,0.0,0.0,0.09004834186365614,0.10106730531077532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053618882700984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448974143400996,0.10589452375353538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640761310039098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453578935503083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681033345083313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828487639979324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698017018152705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096465097237435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948226310693813,0.1231884989963535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542421575838692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115101858839493
suicidewatch,wrongplanetorwhat,2018/01/01,"I just realized I had depression for way too long I can't believe it that only now (im 26m) I realized that depression started at around 16 years old or later, but one thing I'm sure of is that I feel same now and I felt the same when I was 16. But I just could not understand. Still what a suprise, that people called me intellegent person and blablabla (expecially familly), or if I went for some ""deep"" stuff, then I was a philosopher. Seriously, from where I come from, people do not understand what is depression (in school if you underperform, then u are a loser, if you can't make friends, then you are weirdo), maybe that is why I struggled to understand what is wrong with me? I also had strong beliefs in certain things, my ex was depressed, I did not see that as depression, but more of a ideology. There is some issues with my feelings, when I met her, it was beatufull, then I left her for fucking weird reasons. I met her not long time ago, she told I'm the person who is interesting to be with, how the fuck I missed those words? After I had another girlfriend, which was so confusing to understand, she accused me of being retard for trying to speak with her calmly, but there were feelings and after I left her, some love cooldown or something prevented me to fully understand the person who would had gave anything to me. She is fine now, got a boyfriend, but she told me he is more of a casual guy, fuck... That was about 5 months ago I met her. She accepted the fate and just went with the guy. I once told her, that I do not understand why I am like this (maybe when I was 24).

So I did not finish school at 17, it was only 6 months to finish, I just ignored everything, then I went london, done gym instructor course, barelly finished, lost of interest again, then went to this town hoping for a change, started music in college, barelly finished, same thing again, left my girlfriend, same fucking thing again, sold my music equipment hoping to get it back if I really got the love for music, did not happen, loss of interest, same and same and I have no idea what is keeping me here. And guess what, I took a loan, spend everything, I think I said to my self, that I will do something about it, will give my self a short brake, same happen again woot. I lied all this time to some of my friends (basically non) and family that I still got a job, and so on. Now I have no idea what is going to happen to me, but I got a rope and ready to go if I find no why out, I just still can't believe.

Went to my doctor two times before, got some tabs but was not working, just gave me this more happy feeling, that is all. I think that my perception that 'I can do anything and everyone is the same' dragged me for so long without noticing this decease (and lack of understanding).

Tried meditation, red the book called Awakening 2 times, tried the breathing method (mindfulness), basically I understand by now, that compassion and love what this world is all about.

What can I do, I lost my passport and just ignored it, I might go to jail. I can't stop crying. I am aware of what is happenning with, I just seeking some guidance. 

edit. rephrasing

Oh and the gaming... I spend so much time on it, then I realized that it is nothing, it does not give anything, I was not even enjoying it anymore and just deleted my MMO charater, everything was working out, seems like I finally off it! Ofcourse not, since the day I stopped, I've been getting back to it once in a while.",5.932592676141063,5.750771331378303,6.248181818181823,81.41278554778556,66.62463343108504,9.692819008948042,32.14993608541995,9.333382268041843,2.6090616888487865,2696,100,552,46,39,868,274,682,0.129,0.747,0.124,-0.2081,1,0,3,0,0,0,114.0,0,3,0,7,43,42,4,2,24,0,60,9,1,3,5,126,129,50,0,10,36,1,5,2,4,4,1,2,0,7,51,26,0,7,26,4,4,10,19,21,0,2,45,9,90,21,61,77,22,83,1,10,2,7,48,20,4,20,54,402,141,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298635497181963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194372022247307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499770872042615,0.0,0.0,0.052015654169810084,0.0,0.0,0.12948401963341655,0.04669103470313106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066061370684681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463052736391402,0.11818489631034672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711328569634508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548444979683306,0.04518046435427055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041876532119097074,0.0,0.0576131398700399,0.0338254868662104,0.0,0.22587270906585705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368412448523911,0.04589877304388999,0.053673887367824254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034642296038781537,0.0,0.0,0.05011759439565187,0.14141426117214434,0.0,0.04944457220717089,0.0,0.10607985391353114,0.0,0.05035959392482394,0.057455690970415425,0.04793774881607004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104446376957661,0.1939542878179896,0.054805233345815454,0.10062837706292496,0.08942451006091719,0.0,0.20974265255258676,0.0,0.05777886391998632,0.10386619023498392,0.18552312131241253,0.055833300349064335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041880631027318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184178469816044,0.056654290218118276,0.0547434867699284,0.0520478793334783,0.04661938548754047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095909216953467,0.0,0.0,0.051248198822780235,0.0,0.0,0.1392480527996703,0.0,0.0,0.11450930613245527,0.0,0.14201273801006614,0.0,0.035010343373408415,0.0,0.10538482836036707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055640463858003655,0.052958884266145013,0.0,0.08372912952456169,0.0,0.03855630161289125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050326558664921583,0.05971392403205945,0.05503676199141695,0.11171367593475534,0.035541031856171384,0.07978017681006129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727235401588389,0.13739022833361092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0336003918273627,0.0539266594830638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989133546592383,0.0,0.0,0.10616306942934586,0.04179533530797308,0.04774791152359994,0.1094322059419812,0.0,0.0,0.0433866380863268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075613255025478,0.0,0.0,0.07424782910869215,0.0,0.12565833794028333,0.08769999765917799,0.0,0.05483144072102518,0.06004194873095808,0.0,0.0,0.04943288456389994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393800502976105,0.06721484168411765,0.0,0.0,0.15291816689852106,0.0,0.0,0.1503527831869556,0.05827314934386681,0.10682898201214172,0.0,0.05123538640399323,0.4368129218792676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163184673539673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24310532967794785,0.14198212081285552,0.0,0.0,0.05055929448028939,0.0,0.07636749197115092,0.0,0.0,0.03725850804432816,0.05734512235336533,0.0,0.03377565693034377
suicidewatch,Conor_52,2018/01/01,Should I commit suicide to avoid dropping out I want to drop out of college because I feel that I'm too sad and afraid to put the effort into producing anything creative or to put on a brave face three or four times a week. I'm not cut out for this world but I don't want to disappoint my parents who paid for my education.,4.871029411764706,4.68114580882353,5.790000000000003,83.83000000000003,68.85294117647058,8.564705882352943,31.70588235294117,8.07648339933343,2.083576470588235,257,10,55,3,4,85,50,68,0.116,0.7,0.184,0.4007,1,1,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,16,8,4,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,5,0,2,1,1,6,1,13,6,0,12,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,2,2,35,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582829303607562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132828587959227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869882398574878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485082907319701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6310390455461795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34331574385894137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301633991791325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702496667431748,0.0,0.2517623801874028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whatever333061,2018/01/01,I chose a date I settled on the date I will kill myself this year. It's quite a few months away but I'm already comforted knowing this is it. ,-0.6901612903225818,1.4351424838709723,1.5163709677419348,97.99455645161294,91.90322580645164,4.390322580645162,20.65322580645161,5.985473137389443,-0.0240387096774195,111,4,26,1,4,37,24,31,0.1,0.7709999999999999,0.13,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578338014246036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38979631581888097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590066639161868,0.0,0.2280088935879953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331155720524895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412792302568475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717110450046105
suicidewatch,Hijacker,2018/01/01,"Please someone give me hope My wife of nearly 13 years is leaving me. We still love together and right now she's getting all gussied up to go on a second date. She's the love of my life and I feel so much pain right now that I fantasize about ending it, but I don't want to do it to my kids. I'm so hurt and alone. I have nobody I can go to. I'm huddled in the garage sobbing. I can't even get my safe open",0.2344354838709677,1.4432295806451627,2.393212365591399,98.60981854838712,81.15053763440861,5.5102150537634405,20.227150537634405,5.985473137389443,-0.28269784946236604,313,8,82,2,8,106,64,93,0.162,0.71,0.128,-0.6505,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,6,4,0,0,1,11,18,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,1,15,4,11,18,2,15,0,2,0,2,8,7,1,1,6,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272171330381208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431036601730686,0.0,0.0,0.1449020015376881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092786068285143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292396554102084,0.21045448649800105,0.2493635810560973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178992244483428,0.0,0.0,0.2348566306831355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229748414961066,0.0,0.0,0.1549584108931691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960078157727424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612735272900012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334415558313053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24081931211961874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747079017692476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588455533248932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520148065111427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939920542211222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127701832979425
suicidewatch,fdgkfdjghjdfhk,2018/01/01,I just wanna die I don't know for how much longer can I keep on going like this.,-1.3105263157894742,0.27162768421052874,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,87.94736842105263,3.8,9.5,3.1291,-2.212389473684211,62,0,17,0,2,21,17,19,0.201,0.67,0.129,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738174066735999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142227988650971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914382123856259,0.0,0.0,0.3038564670862345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701164221070793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40644122059275894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hiyaimahuman,2018/01/01,"I’m confused about myself... Primarily, I don’t mean to mislead you all with the clickbait-esque title. I didn’t know how else to phrase it. This post probably doesn’t 100 percent belong here on sw, but it is. Anyways, on to what I made this post for. While I don’t have the constant urge to kill myself, it does appear in my mind a lot. Every so often per week the urge will (for a short period of time) come up again. In those moments I find myself lying on my stomach on my bed, my hands either stiffly folded behind my back, so that I can’t do anything to myself, or out in front of me gripping the edge of the bed, so that I can not in any way get up from my bed to harm myself. I find this tactic works, but I wish I didn’t have to use it. You see, there’s are times that I really, really want to—no I need to cry, but no tears come out. It’s awful. I’m not dehydrated, so my body can afford to cry, but it just doesn’t. Instead I end up fighting to suppress tears at the most inconvenient moments. I feel so over-dramatic for making this post, because others who make these types of posts have such better reason behind theirs, and I feel as if my ""reason"", which is stated in the first few sentences, seems pathetic. Ugh, not this really sounds like some sort of woe-is-me pity party. Please forgive me. I guess I don’t know how I feel.",3.757956349206353,4.031605803571432,5.0580952380952375,86.50468253968252,71.32142857142857,7.650793650793651,24.12698412698413,7.3871296695380915,0.8776388888888879,1035,24,227,10,18,346,155,280,0.187,0.733,0.079,-0.9885,1,0,0,0,2,1,46.0,0,2,1,3,17,9,2,1,9,1,18,3,3,8,1,49,40,16,1,4,11,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,20,6,0,1,12,0,0,4,12,6,0,1,3,7,36,3,39,36,7,38,0,1,1,0,6,16,0,11,13,157,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452546690846748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228492607289344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557586642764944,0.0,0.07576962035204245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992961315333816,0.0,0.13806471234129172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413980518208706,0.0,0.13431969924567044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27306639548808737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877217020885263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038332660832296,0.0,0.11008926481087716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472464744514468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854320868086089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22720838174322036,0.10572601981292017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493947195632592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369259351392511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751498537446175,0.0,0.13661954011511102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060724693009965226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567192009078652,0.0,0.1176117756609476,0.16593694235971276,0.0,0.0,0.13539466187096813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255034152647111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216382685593742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643956092979947,0.0,0.0,0.4761644129871945,0.0,0.13401199120951085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23888138809953824,0.25559375099101883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904773100814072,0.11315430925345013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495586504681846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735174017258106,0.0,0.0,0.07331293581508246,0.09866029130846787,0.09970266486227264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293413833131224,0.0,0.0,0.09048888765682367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joe-is-going-to-lose,2018/01/01,"my plan I am 14 and am killing myself on the 26th, I just want to share my plan. I will hang my self on the tree outside at midnight between the 26th and 27th. I have made my mind up, I just need to buy the rope.",2.270000000000003,1.9494943333333337,3.4333333333333336,98.945,74.41666666666666,6.4,24.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.11646666666666672,160,4,44,0,3,52,31,48,0.092,0.835,0.073,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,7,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887101668448306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179767779465064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460226268911318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275381157709667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608220191671979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605445289944899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nasif10,2018/01/01,"Don't you hate new years? Soon as I started hearing fireworks and I looked outside my window to see them, there was only one thought that came to mind. ""new years really puts a perspective on how much time has past and what little I did"".   

I have to start looking for an apprenticeship as I am not going uni, but i can't. I just can't I dont know what the fuck I can be, Im literally going with what subjects I chose which I dont even know if i can enjoy with my social anxiety. Im looknig at all these apprenticeship wondering ""what will happen then? will I be happy""   

I came into work today, and for some reason, I just couldn't stop thinking about my future. I mainly kept wondering if I was to grow old alone, I dont mind if that was my future, but I think the whole time I would be wondering I would kill myself. If I had a partner, maybe I can be happy for her. Maybe I can make my life meaningful, make it a reason to live.   
but who would want me? I play a lot of games and sometimes record myself, and when I heard myself, I just feel like crawling into a hole and never getting out. why do i sound so weak?  so fucking pathetic?    
Why cant I be a inspiration, why am i me.    

As I kept wondering about this a made a mistake in work which led to everyone looking at me. I know they said stuff behind me, but i dont care, I deserve it.    

I asked this nice girl if she would give me a lift home which she agreed. This only led to me being the last to walk out of the store with everyone gone, including my ride. Guess she was joking, or just didnt want to give me a ride.    

So I walked with songs on my earphones in. I just wanted to run, be stabbed anything. I felt so depressed I wanted to cry, why am i me, why cant i be something instead of nothing?    
Its because I was raised that way, raised to be pathetic and stupid, like everyone has ever said to me since my birth.    

At one point a man was actually walking towards me in a shady way, I had my earphones in I quickly looked up to notice, which he immediately walked in a different direction and passed me.    

I just thought then ""why, Im fucking self loathing here wanting to die, and im so godamn selfish to want to live, what the fuck do I want""   

I dont want to die, I want to start a new life, I want to be free of burden, and be a new me. I want a plan for my future, I want to know what I want for my future, I want to love someone, I want to feel that warmth of knowing that someone really cares for who you are. I want to have kids, I want to see there happy face as I grow up with them and play with them as long as I can. I want to let go of this burden of being me and buy a new me. I want to live a happy life, I want a reason to live. and not a reason like ""It will get better"" but ""Im living for this/them""   

But I can't. I'm me, im damaged, and I just want to be thrown away, I'v tried. Iv tried so much to change, but I cant change. Im me, broken, worthless, no future for happiness, and deserves to die for it.",2.2180934884670336,2.9202092801252,4.1021000884534295,90.394481016534,75.13458528951486,7.058869156970812,23.593964754711852,7.255503002510835,0.6899109069878202,2266,62,536,24,46,773,237,639,0.16699999999999998,0.6729999999999999,0.16,-0.9797,3,1,1,0,0,2,87.0,0,2,4,4,25,34,7,0,26,0,59,11,1,10,3,115,136,44,4,32,22,0,3,3,1,7,5,6,2,5,28,27,0,3,22,5,3,19,18,15,0,2,22,15,104,20,80,92,7,72,0,3,6,5,28,20,4,13,34,363,132,2,0.0,0.0,0.041480067566567566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044023761033807486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032517242644600486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034979105607705153,0.0,0.039737700829379684,0.0,0.039936116570891626,0.0,0.0,0.02591147741810012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037593413766212974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723188486490457,0.08667611675364785,0.0,0.08993216774657344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046691231310497405,0.0,0.0,0.036610658365477874,0.0,0.13234464628356374,0.04441009042754332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490856376415666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02807504435832021,0.03844942857520234,0.0,0.12184992162889988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298497710446887,0.030366546090779864,0.040812763441650725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718574853931616,0.044415628673381016,0.08155193139001758,0.07247201755538159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682553851831868,0.0,0.03758822635853211,0.22624400851152854,0.0,0.04196622210798169,0.0,0.0,0.047907747543721166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263733643132411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213990771360932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047026980228028606,0.0,0.11680189606719132,0.0346483498177978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346562442528483,0.09007047963493459,0.06229936896891267,0.04260253114287813,0.1876694361663489,0.037616783587168974,0.14277851945166814,0.0,0.0,0.036137380106140204,0.038363641896173306,0.04022053766380199,0.05674663954768482,0.0,0.08540668688931774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583859587567122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249411856898202,0.0,0.03278351880310443,0.2052644963440917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040785990782410436,0.048393763050019765,0.04460326568763108,0.0,0.05760680786201024,0.06465599163374279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04057712231560493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040182241548301294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273062371159138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446131457072596,0.1748144355545201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086654849514485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774411785111475,0.0,0.04434339503089727,0.0,0.0,0.03516169330890728,0.0,0.0,0.04332987252590919,0.07203098757926972,0.032723466149828184,0.04203986863716592,0.0,0.09025864336771723,0.0,0.0,0.035537213263082,0.0,0.0,0.048659603049825036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447270757419017,0.0,0.06749059036208452,0.04957159091375277,0.0,0.04029105119889345,0.0,0.0,0.057718045120094014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526498297233377,0.0674791268169165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301322253840713,0.04745682359484045,0.0,0.0,0.1843853005310112,0.06189026045570205,0.0,0.0,0.12078117049728153,0.0,0.0,0.05474539363610607
suicidewatch,Wassnonym,2018/01/01,"Yep, I'm getting closer and closer Usually at this time of the year I'm not that depressed because I like christmas and spending time with my family. This time around it was ok, but I could feel that something was wrong. Now that everyone's  gone and I'm alone again I feel so bad.

There's also this girl. I started liking hier and impressed myself a lot by doing things that are basically superhuman for me, like approaching her. I thought that maybe it was time for me to be happy after all I have endured, especially as I was also having great success in school after getting back this year.

But she basically killed all these dreams I had in one Facebook conversation today. And I'm definitely not stable enough right now to take that well. I'm supposed to study this week for my finals next week, but I'm not because there's no point. I already said it here but school (and basically everything) doesn't give me any satisfaction. 

I'm pretty sure she was my last chance at happiness. The thought of suicide is creeping up in my head so much it's insane. Few years ago I felt like I could never do something like that, even being depressed and all. And nowadays I'm thinking about logistics while crying in bed.",5.914487179487178,6.701444380341883,6.277760683760687,77.83946153846155,66.73504273504274,8.804102564102564,31.41196581196581,8.841846274778883,2.537080683760684,971,37,178,15,15,313,135,234,0.124,0.619,0.257,0.9876,0,1,2,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,1,15,18,1,0,3,2,17,1,1,0,5,31,38,18,2,2,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,18,10,0,0,6,1,1,2,6,5,1,1,11,4,22,13,22,23,7,38,0,2,0,0,7,12,0,1,29,121,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089574751218518,0.0,0.0,0.11788457823541768,0.12560467553734028,0.1820457638788361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740241214348652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132512130231316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752158224946346,0.09503606193157302,0.1387688609586795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175415146253684,0.0,0.12502739386813072,0.0,0.0,0.19606830125309085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760786730527807,0.0,0.07517791950078148,0.0,0.0,0.10876116504608148,0.10229527829949507,0.0,0.1073006265225604,0.0,0.1151029756982384,0.0,0.10928633292476243,0.12468571095288156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893390138115616,0.10918779779870706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548842567829124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24232985910667995,0.0,0.0,0.1168135290427458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592644516694568,0.0,0.0,0.09277958104687282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27803677918359826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676683028226207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434883147193972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367177901998384,0.0,0.08778603182515518,0.0,0.121050282992266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712828355449676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759795361049587,0.0,0.0,0.1157972190640459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720279974251582,0.10827015614798807,0.0,0.0,0.23038653900366465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525045179629584,0.0,0.0,0.0805633280425798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450206854011403,0.0,0.10727526294088573,0.0,0.08557948005505894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561783859215288,0.07293211673570264,0.0,0.18072285495062296,0.26548054732710336,0.0,0.1078893185340459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253581219595004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260122161361175,0.0,0.1023390512020556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444576384941593,0.0,0.21989162741575946
suicidewatch,youkilled-his-family,2018/01/01,"I need a girl to help me not be suicidal, but she won’t speak to me Why is that worth it to her? ",-1.2999999999999972,-0.6268576666666625,1.8733333333333315,103.005,84.0,6.466666666666668,16.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,-0.6556833333333336,72,1,23,1,2,26,21,24,0.0,0.735,0.265,0.67,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863562283595152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274015471647611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305002178817767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.520121387312626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abandoned-dove,2018/01/01,"I wish I could just do it. 17F. I’m absolutely fucking worthless. I hate myself more than anything on this entire planet. I have no desire to live anymore. I have no desire to go back to school on Wednesday. How can I get through 3 more semesters of high school feeling like this? As of now, I am currently ranked #1 in my class, but there’s no way I could ever make that last. I’m going to lose the chance to be top of my class just like I’ve lost everything else I care about. I’m a failure and I don’t deserve to live. 

I will never accomplish anything and I will always be miserable. No one will ever love me or care about me. I’m so done. I’m so tired of this constant agony. I feel I should cry but I can’t even do that. I just want it to stop and I wish I had the courage to make it stop. Now I know how my father must’ve felt when he took his life. I understand now.
",-0.4037129186602897,1.6312981789473715,1.6897607655502398,98.33014354066988,88.26315789473685,4.7177033492822975,18.63636363636364,6.11248444174946,-0.3282631578947366,674,19,163,6,22,224,107,190,0.231,0.585,0.184,-0.9055,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,5,18,12,2,1,3,0,18,4,0,4,3,31,43,12,0,8,6,1,3,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,5,3,27,6,20,30,2,23,0,4,0,2,4,5,1,1,16,106,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147201600082828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328601481298442,0.0,0.0,0.22048831649515446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301303767468256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731783836568353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477169557568795,0.0,0.2139249173852207,0.0,0.1471574359589926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709566360760314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191298128606594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848452752790277,0.2423632517030283,0.0,0.0,0.12040170077561207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547638042322288,0.09570668702080393,0.1286301828824109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385115510511432,0.06999269293859872,0.0,0.1522740777785304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226555541506427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154443059533664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362524850156285,0.10920171039162588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462548224905257,0.13089988765217045,0.0,0.236592201653082,0.0,0.0,0.149875800682032,0.14624177680566153,0.0,0.12091125072173015,0.0,0.17884921302662274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033242952342881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078010903569653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711653127394154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240063085998467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539763814978491,0.0,0.0,0.1488432545430188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946529759206874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901773221043883,0.10633747498640707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081129227966315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Jumbo_Shrimp,2018/01/01,"It's been a month since I tried to kill myself and I haven't felt this low in awhile. I've been on medicine, very low stress situations, and have genuinely felt happy for the first time in awhile. Today I've had thoughts of ending my own life again. Why? Why do I think this? I didn't ask for these thoughts!",1.7130208333333314,3.6585750937500015,2.0293750000000017,99.51145833333337,79.3125,5.516666666666668,18.479166666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.4370020833333333,242,5,58,2,6,73,46,64,0.2,0.7440000000000001,0.056,-0.8584,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,13,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,8,2,6,1,7,5,1,11,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021290464189764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149966909394714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41519487962348217,0.0,0.0,0.18390982847942405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301617091275279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392065587857984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527169394901079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257836662575352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885281208195347,0.2430313624303479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24767013129447002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385399281793663,0.0,0.3432963756689205,0.1260749639730082,0.0,0.20494370806751125,0.0,0.0,0.14679376483536447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783975549321863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901954256394543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AloofPositron,2018/01/01,I don't know what to do Im really struggling in life right now. I have no money and still in school. I have so much I need to pay for and I have no way to pay for it. I have a little saved up and i feel like if I keep running it'll be okay. But I know one day it won't be okay and that'll be the day I try to kill myself. All my issues will catch up to me and it'll be too much to handle. ,-1.7213541666666683,-0.6288162604166629,1.4762500000000005,103.47708333333335,86.60416666666669,4.683333333333334,12.75,5.033348758259628,-1.6172625000000005,293,2,88,1,9,105,55,96,0.162,0.7440000000000001,0.095,-0.7340000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,2,15,1,0,0,1,14,20,8,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,3,2,4,2,0,1,0,1,13,4,12,11,3,13,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,62,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305665669097372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982447456144947,0.1692989353341052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559796344580737,0.24734609997541154,0.0,0.2106391803659772,0.2621838407562799,0.0,0.2604765993480487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738635406696895,0.1157767147976255,0.2375167443628785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484159083072156,0.17571805747633068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058413771982966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181579337597473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238007461395302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398369443941969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925295441718676,0.0,0.0,0.2477435000692829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608942215421183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881041112352208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWR_TrueRomance,2018/01/01,"My mother found me after I overdosed and left me there I'm a 19 year old former uni student. I dropped out of studying for a degree in manufactured engineering just before christmas. I moved out of the city I'd lived in these past 4 years and moved back in with my mother.

We argued a lot, or to be more accurate I'd piss her off by not realising x thing needed doing (because she wouldn't say anything, just silently fume) and she'd yell at me. Tell me I'm disgusting, lazy, not mentally ill, dirty, vile. She told me, a borderline personality sufferer, that I'm a manipulator. That I use people... that I'm a train of self destruction that hurts everyone in my life and leaves them.

She's been this way all my life, and started saying this stuff to me when I was around 10. I finally realise that she doesn't actually believe these statements, rather she remembers things I've mentioned. She knows I'm scared of becoming a user and she decides to hurl it at me because she *knows* it'll hurt me. She says statements knowing that it'll hurt, and when I cry she raises her voice, then yells about me acting like a baby by crying. She takes enjoyment out of belittling me when she's hurt by something that I've accidentally done. 

So christmas eve I took a overdose of dihydrocodeine and amitriptyline. I took about 15 pills each. I began to fall asleep whilst eating pizza in the evening. My mother kept shouting me and asking me ""how can you sleep sitting up?"". I could still respond at this point but in a slurred way, saying I was just very tired.

I went to bed. My mother promised me that she would wake me in 20 minutes, so it'd be a nap as it was only 6pm ish. My last memory is sitting on my bed as she promised me she'd wake me.

I woke at 3am with no memory of what I'd done, hallucinating. Every time I'd close my eyes I'd see something, and when I opened them I'd see even more disturbing things. I have hallucinations due to BPD so it didn't disturb me too much.

I woke my mother up around 11am christmas day with a coffee. Later in the day I began remembering what had happened, my overdose and asked her if she tried to wake me. She looked at me and said ""I tried, you wouldn't wake up. I shook and pulled you and you carried on asleep. So you overdosed?"". I admitted it. She just nodded. She didn't look upset or angry or even empty or defeated, just mildly annoyed. I asked her why she didn't phone an ambulance. She just said I was still breathing.

My life has gone into shambles. I sleep on my mothers fold up bed in the hallway of her one bedroom flat. I have no friends, no purpose, nothing. I live with a soul destroying mental illnesses which leaves me on the verge of abusing people regularly, and in an effort to not hurt people I hurt myself through cutting and burning and using drugs and alcohol, and have done for nearly 10 years.

I am heavily scarred, most are keloid. Red and purple and silver keloid scarring, raised and dents in my skin, all over from my arms to my breasts to my legs. I pissed myself the other month because the prescription painkillers, the constant use for years have done something to my bladder. I suffer with stomach pains due to the amount of pills I regularly take. I have no job, and considering the fact I can't even talk to people without stuttering and struggle to do basic things like go to the supermarket or talk  to strangers it's no easy feat to get a job. Still I had a volunteer job at my old city, but I live too far away now.

I'm broken, finally broken, and my own mother left me knowing I could die, because only a stupid person can walk on somebody unconscious and unable to wake and decide that theres zero chance that person will die.

",4.100652316709617,5.418585150068218,4.96500757920267,83.64285369612452,71.30559345156891,7.721580516396343,27.898767116366024,8.167268648758528,1.7782413925521698,2917,105,579,42,54,948,336,733,0.171,0.774,0.055,-0.9982,3,0,5,0,0,2,89.0,1,5,2,2,33,34,11,6,29,0,42,32,19,5,3,90,83,47,2,8,19,7,1,2,1,6,11,10,4,4,32,42,3,1,12,1,0,12,16,28,0,2,27,18,114,6,83,43,10,95,1,9,7,1,65,43,2,8,37,379,146,4,0.0,0.07111715904928441,0.05857355820902465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414607945914104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939361960113794,0.10686596910286852,0.16833954252030758,0.0,0.05639336157911375,0.046153799690994333,0.0,0.1463572766264426,0.06629042588115976,0.05107495034798325,0.06762509953907853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559656868421087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486328322466392,0.0,0.0958465841682152,0.0,0.13186437320177974,0.0774194330307167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458830304945526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24569650364574616,0.0,0.0,0.06960734900542496,0.061418271152455226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158577875246127,0.0,0.050571766509196175,0.05735432217608007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150400574902293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581186143438163,0.046373437728599566,0.0,0.03135941627042515,0.0,0.03411231938483286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530779310099292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855336546698007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868999156110993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194776305003408,0.04892656290018104,0.0,0.12711087863022025,0.13042981504412016,0.0,0.12718755757437095,0.05864818017842763,0.0,0.1590035979430892,0.0,0.1008080074445341,0.0,0.0,0.05102920658872511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097765501034205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047909596701344107,0.12758939584697002,0.04412363704383497,0.04450611814944374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057593459831578236,0.0,0.12596758550956422,0.0,0.040672977546704236,0.09130003183923513,0.06386845165187417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572985189113681,0.16644890491459882,0.1572286841519827,0.0,0.0,0.056740912018077364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359881792692636,0.0,0.1141907851968148,0.19093004080193707,0.060093256724977125,0.0,0.09566074172621324,0.0,0.06261683218957599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013222125590838,0.0,0.0,0.13862536599671815,0.0,0.0,0.0424844205206298,0.0,0.14380276797489366,0.0,0.0,0.06274882412882041,0.06871170320764278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025929556123508,0.09648804640466348,0.05246254039057824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595058263686525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0349997557410069,0.068987336255811,0.0,0.05735432217608007,0.1333749962257938,0.0815030320316494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555211863914095,0.0,0.049525065490053616,0.0,0.09528655073094612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564170255658109,0.05416120757949587,0.0,0.0,0.05785980152450027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263844863152222,0.0,0.0,0.15461076555260642
suicidewatch,MysticalElephant,2018/01/01,"I’m really hoping I did in 2018 tbh. I’m only a 15 year old girl. Some might say that’s young,  but I don’t really care. My life is pointless. Everyone yells at me no matter what I do. Everyone leaves me for no reason. Ugly with low self esteem. Never had a boyfriend. Nothing redeeming about me. I highly doubt I’ll do anything successful in life, so why continue? My parents always tell me being an adult sucks. I hate my life already, so why in the world should I continue into adult hood? I’m on antidepressants and they make me (I guess too happy?) and I laugh too much while I’m on them and it supposedly pisses of my parents so I’m confused. I can’t be happy nor sad. When I’m trying to make friends, I’m either too annoying and clingy or jealous, or boring and uninteresting. I haven’t done anything the cool kids have done such as drugs and drinking. I’ve never been to a party (unless a birthday party when you were like 10 counts) and I’m not talented or smart in anyway. School stresses me the hell out. I’m just done. My mom claims she loves me more than anything but I don’t believe that. My dad probably doesn’t care about me nor do my non existent friends. What’s the best way to kill yourself? That would be the best wish of 2018.!",1.0123164300202845,3.362267792156868,2.9248005409060163,89.75470588235294,84.80392156862746,5.870182555780933,20.9499661933739,7.237678284180719,0.7070108181203514,977,31,203,15,29,326,148,255,0.221,0.5770000000000001,0.202,-0.6389,2,0,2,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,2,3,13,29,7,3,10,1,23,7,1,3,2,34,42,22,1,4,9,4,0,1,2,3,4,2,0,5,6,10,1,0,1,1,0,0,12,13,0,0,7,3,30,16,21,29,6,23,1,2,0,1,18,12,3,9,11,127,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162498546313336,0.0,0.09170770332873944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720926449797129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241745549944156,0.2313276708922336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474306164911792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383646110524091,0.0,0.10796873387010933,0.12781440095470506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106302979740688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030366040888376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121414240555865,0.0,0.0,0.2346518190110776,0.0,0.10881448772331817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644819134495625,0.0,0.10946835657865002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219365600630104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167017638157834,0.0,0.0,0.2335443270364069,0.05384547841353012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947333427802067,0.0,0.14713872734392966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692069045959125,0.0,0.1290824677581226,0.0,0.0,0.08102070136676323,0.0,0.17000919430625114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057542583141376,0.0,0.11565209501342105,0.0,0.0,0.08382346866684907,0.0,0.0,0.2447614133595581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188304036159019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121309348512714,0.11331936910213435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764738615262824,0.0,0.11154345703035626,0.0,0.0,0.11497827471303633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625090212281745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633276181888746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482874555605844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748353137085282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989037767037263,0.0,0.12674180269321728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829356881629318,0.0,0.0,0.0709748419621418
suicidewatch,HurtHurtHurtHurtHurt,2018/01/01,It's never good enough You do this and you want better. Have a good conversation with someone? It could have been better. Get a scholarship? Why didn't I go to Princeton or Yale? Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that? Why did I waste my time? You have a nice family. Why couldn't they be better? Why didn't they make me do more as a kid? You have good looks. Why can't I look better? You had girls flocking to you. Why didn't I just force myself to talk to them instead of being an autistic waste of space? Can I just start over?,-1.3614685990338131,0.6333488000000003,0.6512318840579709,101.77288647342995,100.13043478260867,3.5990338164251217,12.475845410628018,5.46131890053228,-1.3559951690821257,412,7,100,3,18,134,62,115,0.112,0.743,0.146,0.5916,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,6,3,4,3,8,0,0,5,0,22,0,0,1,1,10,29,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,8,2,19,8,9,17,2,6,0,0,2,0,13,2,0,1,3,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941448603375548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895463945979477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511996121786272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503076237124458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820897201948218,0.0,0.06331887773255594,0.2803451538591924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711861324448956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436939771631476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592898426556525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440032406994206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885907135591358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954997671114831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496612644344228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571458776868791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8042670665421794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ParanormalPeachey93,2018/01/01,"Cheque Please Seems like we're all the same boat here, just desperately trying to stay afloat and make it to dry land.

I'm just so tired of holding on, things just keep getting worse and worse. Everyday I wake up and wonder what shit will happen today, I'm lucky if I can get through a day without crying/getting yelled at by my boyfriend or others.

I spent New Years Eve alone and crying, and today I'm doing the same thing. I was really hoping my boyfriend would have invited me to his work party today because even just such a small invite would have changed everything today for me. But he said no I can't go. So he's out having fun and he knows I'm suicidal, but doesn't care. Which hurts even more...

Everything just hurts. I wish I didn't feel like this... Wish we all didn't feel like this.

Just had to get that off my chest...",3.296863905325445,4.677230994082841,3.723786982248523,91.51928994082844,73.37869822485207,6.8568047337278095,21.87573964497041,7.321109707123232,0.5036887573964499,654,15,142,7,13,204,109,169,0.121,0.6970000000000001,0.182,0.9,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,12,10,1,0,4,0,14,4,3,1,2,37,36,12,1,6,11,0,2,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,9,8,0,2,5,0,2,1,6,3,0,0,6,4,14,7,14,27,5,18,0,2,0,0,6,7,1,6,12,83,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255070488597697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387085941714346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355218369485978,0.0,0.12819351080393152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311172221085868,0.0781517692238031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007791616504466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781947535188514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225455866331752,0.17314357040013836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25324844343792313,0.0,0.06886999834251932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071600256622682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203601517353705,0.0,0.0,0.2594536972460073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771130864689192,0.0,0.0,0.06659795043572574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776088585232333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088930948981951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703743872337592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302043190335594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776317005667272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527095385270512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031870072027183,0.0,0.0,0.12439063351548893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916290379725698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255242910740456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610146450861904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927982087623755,0.4594619644194135,0.0,0.0,0.08227399634728026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787045148048781,0.1168142333019598,0.13141570812746786,0.08822126688576871,0.0,0.2469877393005379,0.17216711965274176,0.0,0.0,0.07803664013006119
suicidewatch,wasted_cupcake,2018/01/01,"Off to the hospital we go. I dont have much faith in it nor do i see much of a point. I think its all just a waste of time for myself, then again my whole life has been a vast waste of time. Regardless wheather it works or not at least i tried to get better. ",1.817758620689656,2.129911982758621,3.085689655172416,98.76577586206898,75.72413793103449,7.179310344827586,19.67241379310345,7.1686216300943375,-0.15697931034482734,197,3,54,2,4,64,45,58,0.14,0.809,0.051,-0.6164,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,8,5,10,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,4,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672836793826007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541924983148761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789431531464398,0.0,0.17175515215639636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134626502246317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443240524727876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856898666788009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082539016512544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936464961243755,0.0,0.0,0.3524467688588863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518343402395087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374110821944054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001535475630107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LookingForSoulMate1,2018/01/01,"Ridiculous that I even write here, but guess even I come to that point I have strong suicide thoughts.
I never had it in my teens, bc at that time I always had hope that the future would turn out bright.
But now I am 31, I have lost all hope.
Leaving me wiht severe suicidal thoughts.
I just see no more hope. My mind is totally fucked up.
No hope to enjoy life ever again.",1.84699248120301,3.7555924210526337,2.61796992481203,95.63078947368422,78.73684210526315,5.395488721804512,20.06766917293233,6.18269132825596,-0.10955413533834599,288,7,64,2,7,90,55,76,0.29,0.464,0.245,-0.7299,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,2,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,4,19,19,2,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,2,11,7,6,13,3,12,0,1,2,1,1,5,1,5,6,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342493133368559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389816858201877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131294918263397,0.14594290695782047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491579063997056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773619698567547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6409953000400741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170837684172591,0.0,0.0,0.1139604940491052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612364808380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290923786774528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443675268342395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525201636786495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856853605961344,0.0,0.0,0.1822703247014099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529635134290565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561747551196277,0.09407970870525334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549356220380927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461259491584425,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hehethr0waway,2018/01/01,"don't know why I'm still alive i'm so done with all this crap and living and being upset and exhausted day in day out and not really knowing what i'm doing it for

ive fucked up my life for as long as i can remember and have been trying for years to get better and happier and it just.. doesnt work? im almost 20 now and ive started getting therapy at 12. ive been cutting myself since i was 10. its not getting better. its getting worse. i have like 0 friends, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my mental issues, i quit school and work for inpatient therapy (currently home for the holidays and i dont want to fucking go back ever again). ive tried to commit suicide 2 times in those years and all i can think of now is that im a failure bc i cant do anything, not even killing myself, and finding out ways to succeed next time. its like the moment i woke up in the hospital i already knew 100% that it was gonna happen again. im so sad and used up and alone and tired of doing this and suffering and im so so so ready to give up 

i dont want to live anymore and i dont want to feel worthless anymore",1.8563791220790549,3.0194138298755178,3.898750818956106,89.70243502948244,76.67634854771785,6.8994103516051535,25.13234330639877,7.475848149327749,1.084098755186722,867,30,196,11,19,297,130,241,0.177,0.688,0.135,-0.8369,1,1,0,0,0,5,17.0,0,0,0,6,14,17,5,1,4,0,24,6,1,1,4,42,48,25,2,3,4,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,12,22,0,0,7,1,0,1,9,11,0,0,7,1,21,6,30,39,2,31,0,4,0,2,2,11,3,1,20,124,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130990841455884,0.10478447102666348,0.11164666050187076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200672391205596,0.0,0.0,0.08325656400130117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779561022063622,0.0,0.061673977666058886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895817545229958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049612547361925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353486364161256,0.3557211764878607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682365620414747,0.09151655696650067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115598920008334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247007307193814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816582622186606,0.18706517942633272,0.2114343730097437,0.0970541338499388,0.057498813106434774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946674076266747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148453105838112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371357842779626,0.10559807973567154,0.0,0.0,0.11193267298064737,0.0,0.11120381000535744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146131499621082,0.09885580376605184,0.0,0.1786748077381366,0.0895347121041983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195834966571098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759838191592756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760968773758503,0.0,0.0,0.06481386306735415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460901875766792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239223816432072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369115557724006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161060284094911,0.0,0.08079669973670157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066658242309166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23139974504258495,0.0,0.0,0.06482742176626319,0.0,0.0,0.11798930418186715,0.11628320869460823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373793307200104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738078394816517,0.0,0.0,0.17902295188037284,0.08030623057650428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129268277245613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730995379002235,0.0,0.1031036895847772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030388541543728
suicidewatch,phillysleuther,2018/01/01,"40 and alone I'm 40... or will be soon.  I don't have a husband or a boyfriend.... my longest relationship was 5 months last year.  I don't have kids.  What is wrong with me?  Why do I repel men?  I tried last night, and all it did was put me into a deep sleep.  I can't even do that right.",-2.419756944444444,-0.6682541562499988,0.27395833333333464,105.76409722222223,98.375,3.469444444444445,13.361111111111107,5.033348758259628,-1.5875847222222226,210,4,59,1,9,71,45,64,0.1,0.9,0.0,-0.6662,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,13,1,1,0,1,7,14,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,2,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,6,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29336571345716456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870865919927928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46177962199121797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226090636078756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658146857682555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847484998383943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041087853383895,0.0,0.2418973637039285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834585572345277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231086904417485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25559267277443426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096937771240809,0.0,0.18240628566714434
suicidewatch,throwawayunicorn83,2018/01/01,"I think it's best to slip away Seeing the way my declining mental health is having such an effect on my loved ones is heart-breaking.

I'm draining her, sucking the beauty out of her life. I'm a drain on resources. I wouldn't blame her if she left, she deserves all the happiness in the world.

It's getting no better, I think disappearing is best all round. After the sadness has passed she'll be better off.

I love her but I am unlovable like this.
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suicidewatch,dirkg-ently,2018/01/01,"why is it so hard to die? yesterday i tried to kill myself, hung myself twice in a row but there was always something wrong all i managed to do was bite myself and my whole body hurts but i didn't have the energy to try again. for Months i've been based on the fact that i wouldn't be alive this year i never even considered the fact that i might still be alive and i am so fucking desperate i don't know what to do, my mental health is going to be even worse now that i know i'm so useless i can't even kill myself right but i can't stay alive i can't i can't i can't i sure as hell don't want to and i am So lost i was supposed to die this wasn't supposed to happen , i can't live and apparently i can't even die i just need everything to stop but it WONT why is it so hard just please kill  me ",-0.7831868131868127,1.0427219450549463,1.5743846153846164,99.9831153846154,87.7912087912088,4.958681318681318,15.143956043956045,6.2581,-0.8243591208791212,622,11,161,6,20,210,88,182,0.361,0.599,0.04,-0.9967,1,0,1,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,15,10,5,0,4,0,29,3,1,0,5,22,38,14,6,3,6,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,9,0,1,7,2,27,1,14,25,2,13,1,3,0,1,0,3,2,1,8,110,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072394905498238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315796928178506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012750424309782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404992927934001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583012056059905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914860118238985,0.0,0.0,0.07324616128227424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396922769816956,0.0,0.2309044972673761,0.0,0.0,0.13699469866984168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379700000807944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277638880677539,0.0,0.14165948413192975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380446897609335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406890644341056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988194573451842,0.13672259607978735,0.0,0.0,0.10287175162049036,0.0,0.0,0.0955637836069141,0.0994011338438726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141472865449681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006384849982803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921905144259524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373702208640808,0.10292470018529183,0.10775046184692523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146901446646817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500376218448696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601747640938779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259049030681594,0.1438912675081446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134096284987454,0.0,0.14091137019766858,0.0,0.08299527321702217
suicidewatch,rfreymuth,2018/01/01,"I'm the worst person ever and I deserve to die for supporting piracy..... T_T For the longest time, I have been testing out countless video game emulators and downloading roms only because their games were recommended by reviewers. But then very recently I found out that the very notion of downloading ANYTHING I don't own is illegal and will result in a death sentence!!!

I have been doing that constantly with games and even more obscure movies to a lesser extent! I am just the worst person ever for committing a crime and I am going to fucking kill myself right now!!!",7.978782051282046,8.38619675,7.9623076923076965,68.84935897435899,62.269230769230774,10.77948717948718,35.6025641025641,10.504223727775694,3.9893833333333335,458,19,72,10,6,148,73,104,0.22,0.693,0.087,-0.9658,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,3,16,16,7,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,9,1,12,11,5,12,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,7,57,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268976964098774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533112863605126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399066593248615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040433731993776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663106152583322,0.4016293228311715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24341511924375744,0.0,0.20523843943831666,0.0,0.0,0.1261695704963348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456137181185485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688434854502994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876893725766367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920143965436004,0.0,0.0,0.18958957369630214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25192667212695424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945188802620333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36635188426742815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatGuy2u2,2018/01/01,"Looking for a purpose I don't get it. It feels like my life has no meaning. I was really unstable for most of this year and now I'm probably the most ""sane"" I've ever been. But the only purpose I could find the only thing that made me push through the B's was my friends and now that they're gone it feels like I'm without purpose. There's nothing I really want to do. No dreams or ambition's. It makes me sad.",0.5021972534332093,2.4143269101123606,2.7183520599250954,93.1865418227216,83.26966292134831,6.202746566791513,23.372034956304606,7.3871296695380915,0.8953885143570539,321,12,74,5,9,109,58,89,0.131,0.748,0.121,0.0176,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,2,1,16,18,4,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,3,8,3,6,12,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,6,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827712203178652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706810508755027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314941492263065,0.32707602635878463,0.0,0.0,0.20922555921025804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768603415039888,0.0,0.1195994375791692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616905134307712,0.2236741048970625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223222922700664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660635354714364,0.15280355985321042,0.0,0.0,0.24935720792247926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196515823093108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34820266948753137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24681073459145605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932995788657926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208196925434053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135020899102144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206673638660422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741473856144122
suicidewatch,Rappatern,2018/01/01,"Im searching for meaning I'm 19. Every year becomes more devastating and devastating. My whole life is one big crisis. I don't have friends, girlfriend, family, nothing. That's why I'm writing here, because i have nobody else. I had dreams and goals when I was a kid, but all of them faded in fog. None of them became real and it wasn't even my fault. And the fact that I never had a girlfriend and I'm 19... Everyone had someone by that time. I feel neverloved and I just want hang myself. And now when I should seeking for a job, I'm afraid of talking with the bosses and overall with the people. And I don't know what can I say about my life, because I never achieved something. Like really, nothing! I spent all my life dealing with the problems and trying to not kill myself. I spent all my life on PC and watching YouTube. What kind of boss want to hear that? Yeah, no one. I always knew that my life isn't covered with flowers. But seeing others happy and with good money wealth makes me depressed. I was never happy and I never had money. I'm starting to think that money can actually buy you a happiness. I wish, I could be born in another family. My dreams are broken and I'm late for making it real. I don't know it is just me or I really don't fit in this world? In this time I should enjoy every second of my life but I don't and I can't. I don't even have a dog to cuddle damn it! 

I don't know if I Will survive this week. I have suicidal thoughts for many years now, circa 5 years. Even if I commit suicide, no one Will miss me, because i have no one. Maybe it sounds stupid to you when I said that i have suicidal thoughts for 5 years now, but believe me, I lost roof above my head (home) when I was 12 years old (my moms fault). I know I'm not worth of life like this. I know I deserve better, but in this situation I'm right now, I can't do nothing. Is suicide my only option? I think it is.

I hope I'm not too repetitive. English is not my foreign language. ",1.0210405716647948,3.0017480508474605,2.995679442508713,91.52647020610644,81.8087167070218,5.385200496072757,21.695446760763005,6.4673359150291105,0.3518249453729405,1527,48,331,14,41,513,180,413,0.173,0.68,0.147,-0.9244,2,0,1,0,0,6,59.0,0,2,2,5,16,22,3,1,9,1,39,9,1,4,9,71,74,27,5,10,14,1,1,2,3,4,7,4,1,1,21,20,0,0,12,2,8,1,23,10,0,5,15,7,61,12,29,53,6,37,0,3,2,1,15,10,1,5,28,219,82,6,0.0,0.0,0.07514495938154743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407363593825396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074558361857341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082307713030598,0.08504505296483299,0.0,0.08675732725511978,0.0,0.0681039283733631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148156176954689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938791533068051,0.06632357653204264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432710088991965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525815789394836,0.0,0.12975866436610414,0.07358078187597081,0.0,0.0,0.1451853516274186,0.0,0.03893562074541417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059493228703347376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458744216325117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459171041990292,0.0,0.0,0.0790284914382345,0.0,0.0867892931335515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724145842162494,0.0764825131541739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317771475557845,0.0,0.07641475419011287,0.0,0.08519370209320189,0.08018799060931481,0.2115973828049169,0.0,0.08686405487396202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807322449469039,0.07524069310562387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405914508570228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280175935120707,0.07807013944481933,0.07736103620022856,0.08388011282577798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901863501640374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375614441697817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216627262548609,0.0,0.08080292017370877,0.0,0.208720066810131,0.058565139235781064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533849939347865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368258854598575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529520168007975,0.09866168286045364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576113820183295,0.07324859695854681,0.06123680462427581,0.0,0.0,0.06136235164143952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655591048712194,0.0,0.0,0.06524538113601812,0.059281570135006435,0.0,0.0,0.05450394601227124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33692024334148496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189303287678855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986823223346102,0.0,0.12226541490696913,0.08980349850478514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228077496705349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083810606386594,0.0,0.061768098255219325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948428383150035,0.08597240290625306,0.08855099221941057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479407955706731
suicidewatch,Dekireba,2018/01/01,"The time has come. My pain ends now. This has been a really long time coming. I decided to sleep on it one more night, in the hopes of maybe waking up to the usual dulled pain and lethargy that forces me to go on another day. Instead I woke up with the pain in full force and I'm ready to silence it. I bought a rope last year that's been sitting under my bed. It's always been a comfort to me as my ""way out"" if it ever got too bad. Somewhere in my mind I always thought that's all it would ever be. Just one option out of many. I never thought I'd really lose all hope to the point of having no other options in front of me. I have hung the rope and I placed the chair. I don't know how long it will take me to work up the nerve to get up there but I'll wait as long as I need to. 

I don't want to talk here about my problems. I've talked about it more than enough and it's draining and only makes me feel more alone and hopeless when others don't get it. I've been told everything I possibly could from another person. And I understand. Everyone lives their own life and has their own struggles, and I can't expect people to understand or bring themselves to care about mine. If I don't want to live my life, that's nobody else's problem and nobody can fix it. I understand and I make my peace with that. 

I am posting here because I feel like I need to get all my thoughts out so that when I die I'll be empty. Nothing left unsaid and no reason to hesitate. I wasn't able to live a happy life but I hope that I can at least go in peace.",1.6672072072072088,2.935907972972977,3.2524324324324314,93.71126126126127,77.37837837837839,6.374774774774775,21.042042042042038,6.937597516519254,0.2447609609609609,1197,29,282,12,27,396,166,333,0.145,0.757,0.099,-0.8646,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,2,2,16,17,0,1,12,0,23,8,2,4,6,61,57,24,1,14,6,0,2,1,0,2,6,0,1,1,20,19,0,1,11,0,1,6,9,10,0,2,12,2,39,7,46,40,11,46,0,3,0,0,6,20,0,8,18,186,59,1,0.08996192581936595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317342405158896,0.0,0.0,0.1497110579626651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866584629283145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511445034701872,0.05483995498307863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172217902090277,0.0,0.0,0.15498846664017005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182727749823584,0.0,0.0,0.05801799978905731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336627584413333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515164535989183,0.0,0.07967956416170673,0.09295471771001712,0.0,0.0,0.16275142464213818,0.0,0.08596247535403928,0.08085197814798281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097490549539572,0.06426881778059775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100417959717862,0.0,0.10225487123307946,0.0,0.07195077025607126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576614286992832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680574730687005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049440721722711085,0.07333097660107532,0.0,0.0,0.0977438956277835,0.0,0.19062830608932085,0.04395085280294657,0.0,0.23831408603215656,0.2388404202402845,0.0,0.1006443836224412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201005681004585,0.09120727269824414,0.09037884619022807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083589981527276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341125618327368,0.06938418316870255,0.0,0.0,0.08442317319348856,0.0,0.0863208941102382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192105833628444,0.06842009842526267,0.28717749557755057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062368272100316986,0.07855128363223084,0.0939910650613723,0.0,0.0850430981634704,0.1014185543335971,0.0861586571617879,0.0,0.0,0.17216282677133612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526382657330095,0.09249584287989536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900268952463001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404773769461937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676401723163552,0.14461597655284444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142591607678479,0.10491504479983133,0.0,0.0,0.08596247535403928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809606123670276,0.0,0.0,0.09908035156488472,0.0,0.10612374936277688,0.07140758933244352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549335343786375,0.0,0.0,0.06390637096833016,0.0,0.0,0.05793253071007455
suicidewatch,laurenonthedl,2018/01/01,"I joined just to make this post... I plan on killing myself on Wednesday, which is two days from now. I'm on break from college, and I made three separate dates during this holiday period that I wanted to do it. This is the last date I can do it without having to interfere with any other responsibilities. 

I have bipolar disorder, and right now I'm riding a dangerous mixed episode, which is perfect ... maybe this time I will actually go through with it. 

I don't know what I am trying to even get from posting on here. I can't tell my family and the friends I have told are tired of hearing me. I also don't want to hurt them by letting them know. I just want to go out in peace, you know? ",3.636214285714285,4.6392473357142885,4.872857142857144,85.06214285714286,72.07142857142857,8.171428571428573,27.57142857142857,8.548686976883017,1.7838714285714286,537,19,115,9,10,178,90,140,0.109,0.778,0.113,0.3933,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,2,2,7,5,2,0,3,0,16,2,0,2,1,19,31,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,12,6,0,1,3,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,2,1,19,2,21,27,0,22,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,9,83,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1755490314650445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385988634894312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233299997584343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601571511683567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617227420274464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881723281988148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958654360097952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389844210916646,0.0,0.09398635360236827,0.0,0.20447399175114545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027518076597976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257853356782734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902428602623792,0.0,0.2965924734086389,0.1466363149629694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839521658839365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021853738672793,0.12007957310466348,0.0,0.18072609380393426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445743824493717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362712568323686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723388565359184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489670441261048,0.20675984921119295,0.0,0.17189489619897616,0.0,0.12213513035661965,0.0,0.17572873426648233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183155930392281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340985299439715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pyoorite,2018/01/01,"The thought of going back to school tomorrow scares me 0233 hrs
School starts tomorrow
I'm supposed to be asleep but I'm up and crying my eyes out. I feel so alone all a sudden. I feel like no one understands me. I feel homesick but home isnt home and I'm not welcomed either. 

0238 hrs 
Voices flooding my head. I'm having an anxiety attack. I'm tired, I need sleep. But Im afraid to sleep because of the never ending nightmares that follow.

",0.2958717948717933,2.726233322222228,2.0566666666666684,92.64807692307691,93.55555555555556,4.547008547008548,19.145299145299145,6.297961479604792,0.18442735042735106,349,11,70,4,13,114,61,90,0.273,0.6940000000000001,0.033,-0.9701,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,4,0,3,6,5,0,2,16,17,6,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,5,8,2,7,15,2,11,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,8,36,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898247851058708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021016042919618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085096334642352,0.0,0.140932476421574,0.0,0.11172695192692124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132657323478856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233337239973933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780185239751724,0.13093663400687572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416333388746364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881001177585377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676934017221936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797591546636628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954228390189564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590121482318926,0.14135830891491988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419656642515994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349716693295234,0.3709821582456713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668285504762711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972788011809525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550536473147654,0.0,0.21065559510491128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908029333781376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rainbowinthewind,2018/01/01,"Struggling to stay safe I'm really struggling to stay safe just now and it too much. 2017 saw me lose my family, my friends and have to leave my job after being harassed.
I'm still trying to deal with the nightmares and pain. I can't keep going through remembering my childhood abuse but I can't stop the flashbacks.
I just want it all to go away.",1.5158571428571437,4.001205085714286,2.488214285714289,92.80803571428574,83.85714285714286,5.214285714285714,21.607142857142854,6.6274283507984215,0.4221428571428572,276,9,57,3,8,87,48,70,0.18600000000000005,0.6829999999999999,0.13,-0.4879,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,14,11,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,8,3,9,9,2,10,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,36,10,1,0.0,0.2383908609715193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903541985706465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742989801011985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896748551413352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544776948512293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869488310831446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996614296029735,0.17883712598578982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304332316273394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250929982159773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790624322865836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140925675568214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288948244074975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279220624904536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289080281218371,0.1606797671424862,0.16821345204689162,0.0,0.4206789587489985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366026022239545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867384977785285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UglyDuckling07,2018/01/01,"Would anyone be interested in reading my suicide note? It is essentially a biography. Hi, I plan to kill myself soon and I am writing my note/biography right now and was wondering if anyone would like to read it? Or perhaps should I post it elsewhere on the internet? I don't know. But I will be posting it the day or prior to the day of my death.",2.7050476190476154,4.510564457142864,5.142857142857146,78.9704761904762,75.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,28.809523809523807,8.841846274778883,2.435095238095238,272,12,54,6,6,96,49,70,0.18,0.752,0.069,-0.887,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,12,12,6,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,2,6,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,41,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280217740329088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30254558517117863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595075978217463,0.0,0.1289088915445879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459492337193394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492902451540999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692500440167803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003142789370965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565722607975614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543719912613308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332515852162579,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nugglits,2018/01/01,"Why shouldn’t I kill myself?? I literally have nothing to live for. I don’t have friends or a family. No one in my life truly cares about me. I am always alone. I have absolutely no future ahead of me because of my social anxiety, and I am too depressed and tired to fix that. There’s no reason to continue living.",1.171897321428574,3.4718918593750026,3.831964285714288,83.87375000000002,83.53125,6.7821428571428575,21.642857142857146,7.957251820313856,1.2830607142857144,245,8,49,5,7,86,47,64,0.299,0.58,0.121,-0.9031,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,5,8,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,11,2,9,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25542087296532034,0.0,0.0,0.2052051296097745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866135713236384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033545582054772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514425038499037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124108912994596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248859270961006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905357098626209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27284521042038445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419290550159208,0.0,0.0,0.43553472114940345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366356968546764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671140857497468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535633864970435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513950104704762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834500034688117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225335157072396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ultimatus93,2018/01/01,"Anxiety. Loneliness. Confuse. 24m. Im an only child. The way i deal with loneliness as a young adult is seeking the warmth of another body and this often meant prostitution as In really bad socializing. Got gonorheaa last year. Recovered. And now it seems I might had contracted another STI. Too afraid to go to doctor for checkup.

Friend of mine attempted suicide last year. Really admire her having that courage. I just dont know why Im doing these things or having these thoughts. I, dont know what to live for. ",2.0651339285714267,4.934999531250004,3.432202380952379,82.66875,90.14583333333334,7.742857142857144,24.565476190476193,8.418075326091056,2.500472619047619,409,17,73,12,14,133,72,96,0.163,0.718,0.119,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,4,0,8,3,1,0,0,13,15,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,6,3,11,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,6,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496464487450687,0.12754236290824844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920644000668178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519126760041268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188372059931278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064768621243212,0.0,0.0,0.3907953837111514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880949773529618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475231817537763,0.0,0.13334332524319484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601781209037985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325280503507785,0.271802406798924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721914521426616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686637359179588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680008018011968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361358413313125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177802937288531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995273513405712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823675074774881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076311346941817,0.0,0.0,0.1323591526952896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233667096684149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504412501372402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472782729474696
suicidewatch,FreezyAsh,2018/01/01,"Sour Love I swear, I'll never love again. Whenever I get a crush, he already has someone 10x more awesome than me, or isn't interested in me. I mean, I don't blame them...I'm a wreck. I'm just a teen but I know I won't get anywhere in life. I try to find a space here in the internet, but I can't even fit in here...I have only a few friends and my mother hates me. Welp...time to leave this place soon. ",-0.5730000000000004,1.035966366666667,1.9455555555555544,98.925,85.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,18.88888888888889,6.42735559955562,-0.3117777777777775,303,8,80,3,9,104,63,90,0.17,0.677,0.153,0.1629,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,6,0,6,3,0,0,1,9,14,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,7,13,2,10,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852754647282615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074536303000593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362761496893267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972646115051268,0.0,0.2701246895731044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552280145089654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420719546658544,0.0,0.0,0.2737278839572553,0.0,0.0,0.1825953392067211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666360543629205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28159638434038714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938112111221645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661074480718946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27009100735397634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903718061245706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551332139733733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vidann1,2018/01/01,Propanolol/Inderal overdose survivors share your story please How was it? Was it painful? What happened?,5.486250000000003,6.557370125000002,1.8830000000000033,87.26200000000004,129.0,3.78,40.7,5.6839178017228535,3.4850400000000006,86,6,11,1,5,22,14,16,0.145,0.602,0.253,0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007009180422852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6024913135753248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6215326280557542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nyaaati,2018/01/01,"so... I still wanna die after surviving an OD, you'd think I'd have a bit more of an appreciation for living but I honestly just wish I hadn't called that person who called in the ambulance. 

I hate that my family says that if I do something again, they'll kill themselves. I hate that they spent money to keep me alive. I hate having these mental illnesses. I hate that this one person who was supposed to be there for me is the one who's causing the biggest problems. I hate that I still find myself wanting to be with him. I hate how I am. I hate being alive.

Everything's always just so tiring. I just want to not. exist. ",1.5528831011508188,3.7640200000000017,3.3648818897637796,88.33812840702606,81.28346456692913,6.112416717141127,20.005451241671715,7.321109707123232,0.5777854633555419,488,13,100,7,13,163,80,127,0.326,0.5489999999999999,0.125,-0.9906,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,2,1,10,10,8,0,6,0,12,2,0,2,0,17,25,5,3,6,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,11,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,9,0,2,3,1,22,1,11,17,2,6,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,4,76,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524910118980473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249727618258732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337755243253157,0.0,0.0,0.11759332246362054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880289908592888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102879217511556,0.0,0.10791313811006284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462448511029522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7911153854159324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174714756645414,0.12664527980321436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010800529336692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535991572291368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513712053971132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990344775043276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953335532740162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103199022166952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812542303547638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283349039828653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334844018179461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156765678320226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503600708262162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163608237391514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bucketbuckhead,2018/01/01,getting closer and closer no matter how hard i try i can't see the point of living. it's all so predictable and vain. i might just end it all one of these days. totally sick of constantly chasing the rabbit; might just slaughter him.,3.262391304347826,5.2736158913043525,4.029782608695655,86.65380434782612,74.8695652173913,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,1.0927999999999995,185,6,35,2,4,59,35,46,0.217,0.76,0.023,-0.8464,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,3,11,5,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,3,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32328503828102345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192933067266578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26496643745173765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629844166753507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679880658200689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641632353073473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6347217054831704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271815500991566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828023344166658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23839131334004546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031095985313328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mangoh8628,2018/01/01,"Why I refuse therapy: a 2018 rant Sad? Therapy. Angry? Therapy. Happy? Therapy. Just telling my parents my sister molested me for six years? Of course, they sent me to therapy. That was last week. They just threw me in with some old man. He tried probing my brain, asking me how the moelstation effected my intimacy, commitment, and ability to forge relationships. Some man, I HAVE NEVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, wants me to reveal my deepest darkest feelings to him to try to ""fix me."" Well, I had my second appointment tomorrow...and I just got off the phone cancelling it. They're LITERALLY charged me the full amount because I waited so long to cancel, but I don't mind because that's how badly I do not want to go. I hate therapy because I have survived for nineteen years alone. I don't think I need it quite honestly. I have overcome suicidal thoughts, depression, and self-harm on my own. Sometimes, you just gotta get over that shit happened to you. Shit happens to everyone and I don't think I will ever be cured.  Sure, I am a pretty fucked up, emotionally detached asshole who can't commit to a relationship to save my life, but why can't I fix my problems on my own? Why do I even have to change? Tbh I like being closed off and alone. Maybe I am just running from my problems. Maybe I refuse to acknowledge I need help. Or maybe I find solace in knowing human beings are POWERFUL and we can overcome adversity without some grumpy old man half-listening to my problems, scratching doodles on a notepad. I continue to run from my problems, but I hope one day I can figure this shit out on my own...without therapy. ",2.6083567937438943,5.194905945161295,4.022668621700883,82.95369990224832,79.87096774193549,7.370478983382211,28.74877810361681,8.391295532112219,2.474860215053764,1273,60,235,28,33,419,172,310,0.21,0.637,0.153,-0.9605,2,2,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,2,2,4,11,21,6,0,7,0,22,7,4,3,5,54,45,12,1,9,11,2,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,7,9,0,3,10,0,0,5,8,14,1,3,7,2,53,7,35,33,7,30,0,2,0,1,24,14,4,5,12,155,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954477621808413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720059172292876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431081766794379,0.1408571451781246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598291364131701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147990562934718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967333167793002,0.0,0.06633962159243215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664027885495794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087283053827702,0.06967152889360165,0.0,0.073598582606125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03894504008645138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039744043455723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712063340525324,0.04024123206919029,0.0,0.04377383012954875,0.0,0.061602166369176724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136222008796599,0.08199219889671544,0.0,0.0760440652696011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051626756790465585,0.0,0.0,0.07650101587381697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042329714527519234,0.0627838590819321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880695772581896,0.03762944770151163,0.0,0.0,0.06816275096135188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213925435891514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777710675340843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422285501147095,0.05940472881299259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164493618035136,0.0,0.05219264013997228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552470026013591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835987403439265,0.0,0.2948016556212112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192322479073354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653873165033349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035157459084015,0.0,0.2371883806704959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617751501062743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425043784884644,0.0,0.07259307398742336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732131888524806,0.0,0.6165759612233629,0.0,0.0,0.09870619565242607,0.0,0.06114749673407156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458684556004932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086008170169603,0.0,0.06178304125013113,0.0,0.06925274394160523,0.0,0.2085032805992852,0.0,0.0,0.1484944541407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920031105402424
suicidewatch,kiyuku,2018/01/01,"The holidays are always rough on me... I hope everyone’s doing well.

My depression seems to have come back full force the past two months, and now I can’t seem to be able to hold back all my suicidal thoughts.

It’s the new year, and yet all I can think about is how much I want to be... gone. I think about what’s coming in the next few months, and everything just feels so depressing to me.

But I don’t want to spend time with anyone, nor do I want to be alone. I’ve been telling some of my closest friends and my boyfriend what I’ve been struggling with, and I see how they look at me like “holy shit, she’s fucking losing it”. I don’t know who else I can spill my thoughts out to, and I feel so alone about it. I can tell that they’re getting tired of hearing about it and dealing with me... and it makes me want to disappear.

Please help me. I’m so tired... and I’m hanging on the best I can, but i feel like I’m drowning.",2.5308225108225098,3.1914802929292967,3.334805194805196,96.34363636363638,74.35353535353535,7.071284271284273,24.24386724386725,7.1686216300943375,0.5441806637806632,710,20,178,7,14,225,106,198,0.104,0.775,0.121,0.0568,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,15,12,2,1,5,0,17,4,1,3,2,40,44,17,2,5,3,0,4,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,9,15,0,1,10,1,1,5,4,6,1,1,5,7,27,6,23,36,7,23,0,3,2,1,9,7,2,4,13,112,36,0,0.12364994877914935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561281121235592,0.0,0.0,0.10288666277512484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645891919089131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015835631065545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976299264810873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302696431705845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747766774027194,0.21299903939487305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329366579010077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181528249606202,0.11112860096797604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187563388103994,0.08833554811425229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553164369981093,0.11431238517759375,0.0646019947736745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393624788786491,0.0,0.0828799542376072,0.0,0.0,0.12281229906588585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795477812349582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081823834665835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383481493911176,0.13833266425189142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253730096767008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739241885238856,0.0,0.09089693969812827,0.0,0.0,0.1194218910425029,0.1315031233047098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118037867393037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357305123767753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853300016414612,0.2251325388024824,0.0,0.0,0.12692489552428698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926577374615522,0.0,0.1352529747656029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615101065016568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845978882315145,0.0,0.19632849499467392,0.07210127949966966,0.2842348529587095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207880329169581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29172777379858744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117615371432682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962651299095658
suicidewatch,nonneutralmilk,2018/01/01,"I don't think I can face another year Despite having a relatively nice new years eve, I've never felt so hopeless. The past year has been awful. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship towards the start, eventually allowed myself to start dating again despite pretty intense trust issues and once again got hurt. The last person to talk me out of hurting myself killed himself this year. Another year just feels like more emotional pain and I dont think I can take it.
I never really use reddit but I just need to get out these feelings because they are eating me up inside and I'm about to snap.",4.266842105263154,6.567398491228072,5.21038596491228,78.01136842105265,72.85964912280701,7.3670175438596495,27.18947368421053,8.238735603445708,2.084764210526316,484,18,82,8,10,158,84,114,0.197,0.7759999999999999,0.028,-0.9368,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,1,0,5,1,9,3,1,2,2,18,22,5,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,3,13,3,11,18,1,21,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,17,53,16,0,0.0,0.16559459346755456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931043613489335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519734916287422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379950628968587,0.0,0.0,0.14301096639592484,0.0,0.3144258850272797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133528721791078,0.0998456856944586,0.13419301420501775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301964614590603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178008621516412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992352791111135,0.0,0.0,0.14587475643102868,0.0,0.0,0.1546254576654976,0.0,0.0,0.11392432433367483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682804381114851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363142510612204,0.21558546069663165,0.1349825846175263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884149903974614,0.0,0.0,0.14871615272714814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341822244116286,0.0,0.12203440248760468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218775071774914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953483351184924,0.0,0.0,0.1500516100914884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197847901655996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508329884755828,0.11233504707201572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791071273999824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207091133389716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45000930875290746
suicidewatch,I__Am__Depressed,2018/01/01,"I really want to kill myself at work Frankly I'm too big of a pussy to do it at home, so I doubt I would ever even begin to get the ball rolling on this.  But it's always in the back of my mind.  In my fantasies, I walk in the front door, arms covered in fresh deep cuts, and blow my head off with a shotgun in front of all the customers and employees.  It would be a revenge against my work as a whole.  I actually really like most of the people I work with, which is one of the main things keeping this a fantasy.

The thing is though is that I also fantasize about showing up for the first half of my shift and then just disappearing midway, only for them to discover me hanging in a bathroom stall hours later.  This one is a lot easier to go through with than the other one so it scares me.  Once again though I don't have the guts to do it at home so how would being at work make it any different.

idk I've just felt really fucked in the head and I need to tell SOMEBODY about this",3.346625258799172,3.8996029758454114,4.541645962732922,88.83619565217394,72.38164251207729,8.039889579020015,24.93064182194617,8.192908349453996,1.1767366459627329,764,21,175,11,14,252,120,207,0.117,0.838,0.045,-0.9422,2,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,5,16,6,3,2,18,0,13,5,4,2,2,25,23,14,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,15,7,0,1,1,4,0,6,1,5,0,5,1,1,18,1,38,17,5,30,0,0,0,1,2,16,1,3,9,132,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.13157668364386935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782518477720553,0.11219111162139128,0.0,0.0,0.09169045424344656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036775652118198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087085102749816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890553329956394,0.12196335726329625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945996424370135,0.0,0.0,0.11468811870031992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465010740213828,0.07044420929911006,0.0,0.07662819185475475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767532753334411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704951875036584,0.0,0.13278246248475634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984496910935764,0.1491717459297726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587215533404862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146294330961073,0.0,0.0,0.09000147634325878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614198862913926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997629659220156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359179021216095,0.2740971692595087,0.10254589078502796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934756039007475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25913069499953906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349904576569483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784920177619128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915291726488078,0.0,0.2649437150081355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952746826095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053522887494028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926375099340484,0.0,0.0,0.2873425742705239,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LLDN8991,2018/01/01,"I'm gonna do it tonight I've got a well-thought plan of committing suicide and I'm gonna go through with it as I've tried all the so-called ways of getting better and nothing ever helped me really. 
I know my loved ones are gonna be in so much pain but I can't keep on going any longer. I don't even know why I'm writing this here. Maybe I still have some hope that you people will give me advice as I'm hopeless, don't have anyone to talk to. I've told my parents I'm suicidal and they don't give a fuck. I just wanna stop existing",0.4187603305785146,1.9188434380165305,2.547933884297521,96.38735537190084,81.56198347107437,5.722314049586777,20.917355371900822,6.574015621080383,0.07957190082644637,420,12,104,4,11,142,80,121,0.153,0.735,0.112,-0.7771,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,1,1,2,6,6,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,3,17,31,7,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,2,0,11,3,11,24,3,9,0,1,0,2,10,2,1,2,4,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235919659127846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994632863017213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333093039920474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559962220588112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649915278424793,0.15954830905626152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630630240586004,0.09215271478805656,0.33840484074036953,0.2004847801962596,0.0,0.14106941005147455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822564939771404,0.0,0.0,0.17518788402639224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567771058402327,0.0,0.0,0.19387070968440276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919233186529072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720019490844305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966162714409246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924402009747191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195215263932478,0.0,0.1876836978812217,0.0,0.1958521870517101,0.0,0.0,0.12228160059730778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299531580482973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085950398063954,0.14746388944654545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38586823368153655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417697852553997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002821327264342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685412906852861,0.0,0.11975231937365075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000442892375808,0.0,0.0,0.15858928846334072,0.0,0.15915801083826567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway246011337,2018/01/01,"Everything is telling me to die My life is completely worthless. I work a customer service job with no future, I dropped out of college and couldn’t get back in if I tried, and now I know I don’t matter to anyone. I asked what few friends I have left if they had NYE plans, and not only did they not respond, they posted a bunch of pictures of their party. Everyone I would’ve called a friend was there, and not a single one of them let me know. I thought I was worthless before this, but now I know I don’t matter at all. Suicide is clearly my only option going forward, and I have a method, place, and time all picked out. Just need to follow through now. ",4.941417910447762,4.899087582089557,5.296231343283584,86.9247947761194,68.70149253731344,7.5955223880597025,30.182835820895523,6.6274283507984215,1.4655253731343287,512,18,108,3,8,163,85,134,0.114,0.794,0.092,-0.6949,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,5,2,6,4,0,0,5,0,13,1,0,1,3,29,22,9,2,4,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,5,0,22,2,13,15,5,17,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,3,7,80,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509811081597134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806268548697895,0.0,0.0,0.148567868612371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440892328444978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729074482138664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257878811497748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005232371117369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846220562219519,0.17364621474446068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29854975536979983,0.0,0.10094513707252258,0.0,0.1098066598711258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917327960452244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185522869583817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099250739304973,0.19757205049684445,0.13647113541643072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326402501944832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092524612684794,0.293892403776313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186510016904047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850433969126512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113422367995348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887553917558545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338850532333315,0.11266329418614696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117805939551544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066041642903065,0.0,0.0,0.1372520459103039,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neiiilm,2018/01/01,"My girlfriend has anxiety problems suicidal thoughts, how can I help her? Hey everyone. So when we got home from last night's party, me and my girlfriend had our usual random drunk honest conversation. I asked her about her on-going anxiety problems and if she still has suicidal thoughts and she said yes but she's 100% sure that she'll never do it because she doesn't want to cause pain to me and her family. 

* She's in her last year of her degree but she doesn't enjoy it. She'll randomly break down when she's studying or doing her dissertation.
* She doesn't have a friend in her classes. Not even someone to have lunch with. So sometimes she skips her classes and says ""oh don't worry, it's recorded"". But one day she said that she hates sitting alone and people would stare at her because she's alone. 
* She's a foreign student. She only has me and her best friend (she's far away) here. I always tell her that it doesn't matter how many you have as long as you know you can trust them. I'm a very sociable person but I only have 2 friends too.
* If I'm not home with her she always think that she's alone.
* She doesn't know where her suicidal thoughts are coming from. I feel like she does but she just doesn't want to say it. More than likely because of the things I've written above. 
* So last night she say's ""Don't worry. I would never do it because I don't want to hurt and burden you or my family."" I told her she can't live her life for the sake of someone else. However, when I thought about it while writing this post I sounded very hypocrite. Since my mother passed away, the very main thing that's keeping me going is my 8 year old sister. I want her to be happy and have a bright future.

Before we slept it off, she cried and I said to her that she can always talk to me. I assured her that I'm always here for her but honestly I don't want her to feel this way, that she's alone and I'm just scared that one day she'll do it.",1.2525965950253557,3.3624004381188115,2.506392175802948,94.64343757546487,81.74752475247523,5.327602028495534,20.00217338807052,6.4673359150291105,0.03973467761410277,1523,41,336,14,41,488,174,404,0.155,0.71,0.135,0.0694,1,4,0,0,0,0,47.0,3,4,1,1,18,21,1,1,7,1,35,5,1,3,4,60,65,32,3,11,14,2,2,2,5,5,2,7,2,1,22,16,2,1,9,1,0,3,15,7,0,2,12,11,81,14,30,47,3,36,0,1,2,0,79,9,0,6,22,219,103,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166150869029499,0.0,0.0,0.2543685611518181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693060024855932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144752802785084,0.0,0.14360855049332452,0.0,0.0,0.18635310754606954,0.0,0.06503247350933734,0.0,0.08020384965444158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851004330352322,0.0,0.06583380311195552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394982568405696,0.09857625300416577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688047214295993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384370052062084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047832352674017,0.0,0.0,0.0730278426537757,0.0,0.0,0.14409432387049276,0.0,0.07728606065143624,0.05459839416089053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713846063921654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686874844211352,0.0,0.061124455844691276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135636839517217,0.0,0.07545436116591354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122640325555816,0.0,0.15332202045558002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181508095276373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679304980427231,0.0,0.0,0.08400291480172226,0.18689095441291534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398159249180878,0.07467528010969549,0.0,0.06748511876939152,0.06763416462370628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748346394232129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178881178150408,0.0,0.0,0.14344031353017195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801957085799633,0.0,0.10357579662165484,0.11625007682892755,0.08132212291610982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298382047249645,0.06673180079704524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731945053066227,0.0,0.0,0.14625776854965358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809446204235566,0.18232988092976607,0.0765152604051664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321996531660094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951016028936133,0.0,0.0755867760351239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103350491242605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507912856826634,0.0,0.07203013152139517,0.0,0.0,0.06142792385530689,0.06679925765835887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154741568254844,0.04897037598967486,0.0,0.24269324826896416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730278426537757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417189354263035,0.1891771301344368,0.22538870706011596,0.060663006463902186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522761486991507,0.0,0.10858096825220703,0.0,0.0,0.09843103563051496
suicidewatch,neue_freunde_frische,2018/01/01,"That's all folks. I've made my mind up few months ago, been preparing for this moment for a very, very long time - it's not like a bad decision made in a rush - I'm not a desperate person who is looking for some attention. 

The true fact of the matter is that, I've been reading about suicide behaviours and came across this site - been lurking reddit from time to time, but didn't really got interested in it. 

Why am I posting this here? Well, mainly because it will make me calm a little bit - it's 4PM in my country and I booked hotel for night - few hours of loneliness - nothing to do really. 

I've been dealing with depression for so many years, I'm currently 26 years old - got plenty of money and my own apartment for myself - basically I could carry on for at least 1 year od carefree lifestyle - **but choose not to**. Why? 

Well, I'm fed up with vegetative state of my life - I've realized that I haven't fulfilled myself, didn't have money to start college education altought I got myself in top university in IT - I have lame job, low salary, noone is really appreciating my person - no doubt, I'm ordinary guy - and I always thought that education will put me higher/above my peers - sadly, didn't have a shot to prove myself - plainly, I have much time to turn this around - but I choose not to. 

I'm not going to fool myself, I know how serious depression can be and that I ain't going to make up the most precious time I've lost once I've hit 20 years old - the best part of my life is gone.

I don't stay in contact with my family - I don't care, so do they - I've abandonded my personal life - I've abandonded everything, I no longer have a desire to fulfill myself - 

I don't any goals in my life, motivation, some kind of mojo. Perhaps this state would change but I doubt that this will stay for more than a few months - once you come to realization that you are what you are - you have to stuck with it - simple as that. 

Didn't even put much of the fight once I realized my fate is decided - I know that I won't be happy with harms that have been done to me, **with things that I regret** and mostly with unfulfilled wishes that were possible to achieve, but in the end they were not accomplished. 

It's like having a really awful start to sprint, you won't make up the lost time in the short distance - you'll never win the race - and you have to stick with it. I fucked up the most important part of my life and had to come to realization. 

I was always really competetive man, always had this kind of mentality of being better than everybody else - whether at school (grade A student) or in other areas of life - but once I concluded that I'll never going to make up the lost time - and I'm not going to stick with lowering my expectations, been trying to do that for the past several years - it's just not working. 

Plain and simple, I have obtained a poison (not going to elaborate on this one, since I assume most of people reading this subreddit are suicidal or may attempt to off themselves) - I bought it as a chemical reagent - it's quite easy to get it, at least in my country - been reading lots of studies - I have a good shot of being succesfull. 

So tick tock, I'm going to spend my last hours on listening to some good music and I hope I won't forget to take some pills to make me chill. 
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suicidewatch,asdgsdgsioghsoadigh,2018/01/01,My new year's resolution is to work up the courage to commit suicide 27/male/worthless,6.741176470588236,7.0157925294117645,7.004705882352942,75.12117647058824,64.88235294117646,9.15294117647059,40.52941176470589,8.841846274778883,3.6568117647058838,71,4,13,1,1,23,16,17,0.215,0.526,0.258,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508597750114304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.623884135468009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152307822010762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672948288478532
suicidewatch,JMJPizzle,2018/01/01,"I need a distraction Umm idk what to say but ive suffered through depression most of my short life and it really hit me hard this christmas season. Idek Why im such a mess, I have a gf friends and a fantastic life for anyone from the outside looking in. Yet I have such a change in attitudes and moods all the time I also feel life is pointless and is death is inevitable why wait till im 70 if i can just die now",3.351742424242424,3.964056750000001,4.477727272727275,89.08242424242425,72.4090909090909,8.139393939393939,28.303030303030305,8.344100000000001,1.695562121212121,326,12,74,5,6,107,64,88,0.276,0.635,0.08800000000000001,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,0,7,3,0,0,1,12,12,8,2,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,8,1,8,11,2,8,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,2,5,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545796566734326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534129606378453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321012212528573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897306115079854,0.0,0.22770757708004466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109376759335757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951162970507944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654363485121504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739897393589945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46491636632200395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424480118611208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268590358799895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055635419044096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744795294528785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279367225190393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959574710560369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,[deleted],2018/01/01,"Social anxiety and suicidal thoughts Don't even know how to start this, but as the title says, I have bad social anxiety that leads to suicidal thoughts. This isnt the only thing to make me feel this way but it's a major factor, especially now after last night. Every time I go out and get really drunk I can't help but analyze every stupid thing I did or said and it makes me hate who I am and how I act. Last night I did a shit load of blow and drank way too much and was just acting like a fool. The thing that pisses me off is that I know I'll feel this way after I do that shit but I do it anyways. I know this is a really stupid reason to want to end it but I can't help but fuckimg hate who I've become (there's also other huge factors but this is what's getting to me a lot right now). I'm going to stop drinking heavily as of now (hopefully, but probably not) but I can't deal with the shame of knowing I've made a complete fool of myself my entire life. I know I'm probably delusional and people probably don't notice or care, but I still can't help but hate myself for this. If anyone relates to this at all, how can I get past these thoughts and be comfortable with who I am? I don't want to kill my self but on days like these I can't shake the negative thoughts and end up sitting in my closet with a belt around my neck ready to hang or clearing out the garage so I can pull in with my car and fall asleep in it. Again, I know I just sound like a major pussy with trivial problems but these thoughts are very pervasive and I know I need to address them somehow. ",3.1567694491033436,3.7277080029673613,4.4804309121403705,89.03722745452204,72.82789317507418,7.878673719520062,24.741194684556827,8.04050195162591,1.12318175719262,1235,34,282,17,23,410,159,337,0.24,0.67,0.09,-0.996,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,18,21,9,2,14,0,24,9,5,8,2,71,59,35,3,6,20,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,28,19,3,1,15,2,0,10,11,15,0,0,11,5,36,6,35,47,5,44,0,0,0,0,13,12,3,7,21,187,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052197983449618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492346109664707,0.0,0.0,0.06166141089863405,0.0,0.0,0.07850386637906635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363127930347281,0.0,0.09739404937368934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991108036616652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924609072462931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056872406405972714,0.09091546510750943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638829992611471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621250548903118,0.0,0.0,0.058245746674579366,0.0,0.14860031622488562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917856211676843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821998407645905,0.0,0.10023579949157348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611950218770965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773268146767496,0.0,0.0,0.08758818300038769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756428315029364,0.0,0.3392514358180737,0.1437660422133279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228808608714344,0.12924906606154868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497223015148832,0.0,0.08344333202048611,0.11772912446881267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482655115986152,0.06538849329839816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655123938570346,0.0,0.0,0.1003998721165234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706911058854029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418311853807364,0.0611367804926725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28523692498594105,0.08438169436847108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298788673546653,0.0906694678591897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531000707998564,0.08388468488207246,0.07012871607628843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919967968953542,0.0,0.18104246986732606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797881952651651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241821039461407,0.0,0.070425121466399,0.07372709709107017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292143205886972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757597509999721,0.0,0.0,0.35004751719856103,0.051421723324234836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727623425171619,0.10402828475696232,0.2099928361414224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spinellis,2018/01/01,"I spent New Year's Eve alone, and I didn't feel anything I want it to end. please help",-0.6514999999999986,0.9379688500000009,0.6999999999999993,107.855,85.5,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.661,67,1,19,0,2,21,18,20,0.168,0.5720000000000001,0.26,0.4172,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179881479430959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321127324501589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574529302950619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406265329620107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705118019741142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897809939475716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430106872483153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23804249924508344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25989289825554746
suicidewatch,cultivatedanalyst,2018/01/01,"Who am I? I don't even know anymore. Being alone fucking sucks. Being everybody's last choice fucking sucks. BEING TOO SCARED TO MEET NEW PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TALK TO THEM WITHOUT HAVING A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK SUCKS. 11th of November. That's when my last real friend left me. Knew them for years, fought all the time. One day we kinda just drifted away and now we don't speak at all. It affected me a lot more, because they were all I fuckin had. Don't blame them. I'm a pessimistic, worthless, talentless idiot without anything good to say about myself. I can truly and wholeheartedly say without a doubt; 'I. HATE. MYSELF.' 

I don't know. I can laugh with people, I can joke around and forget everything. But sometimes it all gets too much and even if nothing happened that day, everything starts closing in on me and my heart starts beating faster and I just want to die. I dig my nails so hard into my legs and forearms that it draws blood and I shrink away wanting nothing more than to cry. But I don't. My friends either laugh at me or tell me it's bullshit and I'm just seeking attention. So I sit silently beating myself up with a blank expression, tearing up my own skin and planning a new suicide attempt.  

That's what it's like now. Nothing happened nothing FUCKING happened why is this happening to me I did nothing wrong I was OKAY, I was FINE but now I'm not and I want to die and I just..god. I can't even put it into words. I just want to die so much. So so much. My life is meaningless. I have no future to look forward to. I have no talents, no friends, nothing to live for. I haven't really done much these past few days. I haven't eaten since Saturday. I don't do anything productive. I've just laid in my bed with the blinds closed, staring at the fucking wall with drying blood on my hands and bandaged arms. No one notices. And no one WILL notice. Not until the neighbors notice the rotting smell in a few weeks. 

I suppose this is the end, right? I'll probably be dead and gone in a few days anyway. There's rope in my closet, pills in the bathroom, blades on my floor and a gun under my pillow. But right now I can't really get up. I can't get out of bed today.",0.959551346801348,3.432632229545458,2.3377777777777773,92.81462962962965,86.93181818181819,4.7138047138047146,22.466329966329965,6.238725200709706,0.4692340067340073,1711,63,347,16,54,550,214,440,0.202,0.7390000000000001,0.06,-0.9957,0,1,0,1,0,5,59.0,2,1,4,4,24,29,13,3,16,1,34,18,8,1,4,64,66,29,5,5,17,0,3,1,4,1,3,3,5,0,15,28,1,0,4,1,0,4,22,18,0,3,10,10,56,11,47,51,16,59,0,1,3,6,20,30,9,5,27,238,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443636214781653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127641452256367,0.0,0.0,0.11828691195295055,0.06398015361151281,0.0,0.08176328807218694,0.13504976249373418,0.0,0.0,0.08762341388313037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894658069506305,0.18540260325729926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237712950404871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354867118612274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365610101907421,0.0,0.0,0.14240974329070372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918548796614632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658135574555422,0.3322164845753137,0.11264841110744127,0.0,0.0,0.06028172681264365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254220063348896,0.0,0.06438202345101103,0.07095742920298287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516711640993123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899650580542082,0.11716841334302375,0.0,0.0,0.07808771746608356,0.0,0.05076439543473561,0.03511238992498651,0.0,0.063463138025973,0.0,0.06035328042890216,0.0,0.0,0.06110189246639449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133291352990105,0.0,0.0,0.13882632494052066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137712057048806,0.2454757785906061,0.0,0.0,0.14610432337561974,0.0,0.0,0.08432477199895634,0.0,0.0,0.06860870813107332,0.09965217734237783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748876209551223,0.0,0.0,0.07224989657188774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180458232527968,0.09208441167304113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275435704518232,0.0,0.11430891837795015,0.07195510092795124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945217935519754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108195240564781,0.0,0.10174089184142494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861487228207979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776694005088511,0.0628181528922156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190837864427211,0.0,0.06812501267335871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956478567703892,0.0,0.05765033418332589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485212102246612,0.0,0.0,0.207842347973606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857931957102834,0.0,0.0462823694628519
suicidewatch,throwawaythis-life,2018/01/01,"I’m still alive. I don’t know why, or for how long. Throwaway account, too many people I know IRL may see this. 
I’ve finally gotten tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of being rejected. Tired of being loathed by my family. Tired of being a burden. Im tired of trying to get approval. I’m tired of the only men that want me, just want me for sex, nothing more. Men I want to pursue something meaningful with reject me. I’m just tired of it all.  2018 can fuck itself with a hot poker. 

I looked up psychiatrists, maybe I’ll make an appointment and try therapy again. But I really just don’t have the energy to try anymore. I always feel like I have to watch what I say. If I say
The wrong thing I’ll get locked up, or I’ll expose the family secrets and they’ll make me pay dearly. It takes so much energy, and I just don’t have it. 

Worse of all. I just don’t care about anything anymore. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is my BFF would be shattered. But I can’t talk about this with her because I don’t want to burden her anymore than I already have. 

I’m just tired. ",0.8571130952380983,3.0260728660714267,2.852678571428573,91.23398809523813,83.73214285714286,5.8761904761904775,18.708333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.3103994047619043,838,21,180,12,24,281,117,224,0.247,0.624,0.129,-0.9853,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,14,10,2,0,8,0,20,11,0,4,2,34,41,10,1,6,11,0,2,1,0,3,9,2,0,2,9,6,0,0,6,2,2,0,7,7,0,0,1,7,25,3,24,33,4,7,0,2,3,2,9,2,1,4,6,109,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648485637629788,0.0,0.06521133400990448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331702917143693,0.0,0.0,0.0644930349700512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777451539192909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799049279812045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776327766766378,0.0,0.0396269656330878,0.05598858761331327,0.0,0.08585210508927921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245315311254516,0.08189170773475074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846546268161475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670641023234367,0.0,0.0861418110813024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828833729660559,0.0,0.0,0.06935627704596703,0.0658122891365481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046271179665486,0.07945636087270037,0.07873466671794573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057612041592682475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519953080900843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921005574653057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433290337937007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050206764925846005,0.08057891496662464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246482632545211,0.0,0.0,0.062451907870177376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060334179793244125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258755023210404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058925585450198666,0.06299201193613804,0.0,0.0,0.0896245961391052,0.0,0.05206651649033748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8106881927277869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962723335813006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490207364122044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071805392379378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986721452771482,0.0556728375216734,0.08568688997533254,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hhotcaramelwater,2018/01/01,I'm sick and I'm so fucking alone I don't want to be alon any more. But I'm toxic,-5.1922727272727265,-4.342554318181815,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,114.9090909090909,2.2,10.045454545454547,3.1291,-2.3385818181818183,63,1,20,0,4,24,17,22,0.344,0.6559999999999999,0.0,-0.7474,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8487836933894362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786535195689461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788201446797341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24168937885817784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piippoop,2018/01/01,"i'm so sad of living i have suffered from depression pretty much all my life. i don't really have friends, one who i don't really see or talk to and my boyfriend who lives in another country. i'm 26 and i don't have any passions or goals, except to die. 

i live in the upstairs of my parents house alone, i don't ever go talk to mom and dad and only go there to eat. things should be okay in my life. yet i feel like the weight of just existing is crushing me, i'm so tired. i don't want to do anything. i can't. i feel sad because i said to myself that this would be my last year. i have betrayed me. i spent the new years sleeping, doing nothing as always. all i feel like is to just curl up in a ball, sleep and never wake up and its so hard to get up every day. i don't know what to do. i'm afraid to show my feelings to my bf because he is slightly depressed as well and if i show/tell him i'm sad it will bring him down too. so often i'm just stuck with my own thoughts i guess. 

i'm getting violent thoughts every day and i feel like bashing my head against a knife or cutting my stomach open. we have guns in the house and i think about getting the shotgun and ending it every day. i'm too much of a pussy. i hate this. i don't know what to do. i wish i would get into an accident and die so it wouldn't be my fault that i'm dead. i want death so badly. it's my dream.

i'm sorry this is messy, i made an account just to vent a little. ",-0.19166925465838247,1.4913759627329206,2.1132569875776426,97.83398486024844,84.40372670807454,4.894565217391305,20.00038819875776,5.800992412223965,-0.27565559006211204,1108,32,275,7,32,376,153,322,0.237,0.7,0.063,-0.9955,1,1,0,2,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,1,18,19,3,1,11,1,29,11,5,1,4,48,66,23,4,8,9,3,7,3,2,5,3,1,0,0,15,15,2,0,10,3,2,3,10,12,1,1,6,9,43,7,34,52,5,26,0,6,1,1,14,12,0,6,14,171,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281281669866786,0.0,0.0,0.08259981704416405,0.0,0.0,0.06750637047579566,0.1040922734655748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168998487808894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288552549784202,0.12102700521806803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920610100440108,0.0,0.17100060600714587,0.0,0.20605124051006554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157703934632978,0.0,0.0,0.08792292982869714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897945554727837,0.2509154142633012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250967117986828,0.21275352652892005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669503586465294,0.0,0.20745596387576407,0.0,0.11283379826002216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935607034581292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889255866993266,0.09800765313554456,0.10187870312783656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290863532275915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911136757435187,0.08091753987109253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023335724778596,0.14549355738426628,0.09949368528346288,0.2629692178143884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393079258209623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626273293760273,0.0,0.0,0.14594837438453787,0.0,0.07656242516064278,0.0958746846784084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525134826543588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672672897343319,0.07549859962221042,0.0,0.0,0.11022655256395904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099233026114628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718861407203738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442761627181903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791045949673741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986815183218584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112359460186982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957743359087045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594995795632133,0.06360761061060326,0.0,0.15761710341952015,0.0,0.11409519085714068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710293682637797,0.0,0.0,0.12088298185786905,0.08925481407195067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415452938320995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410357957995845,0.0,0.0,0.12785205054795376
suicidewatch,noviacc,2018/01/01,"There is no hope left in me So I have been struggling with saddness and anxiety for around 10 years now. I have lost all hope that everything will be better. But I don't know what ""getting better"" means anymore. I don't want anything in life excepting dying. I hate myself and most people don't seem to care about me. And I don't blame them, I wouldn't like someone me either. Today is hard day because even my mother didn't reply to my Happy New Year message. I am alone and hopeless. My life came down to only survival. Every day is the same. My life consists of studying and going to collage I don't like where everybody is better than me, comming home to an empty apartment and thinking of ending it. ",2.6936868131868152,4.845212907142859,3.6971428571428615,87.73708791208792,77.07142857142857,5.4505494505494525,25.05494505494506,6.297961479604792,0.8788296703296709,557,20,105,4,13,179,94,140,0.19,0.6779999999999999,0.132,-0.6121,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,5,7,13,1,1,2,0,17,3,0,0,1,23,30,8,1,4,3,1,1,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,4,1,19,9,16,23,4,17,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,4,10,74,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542892628638677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396258021090347,0.0,0.14773942652419653,0.0,0.0,0.12259062590553604,0.13261597495904626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081147672690466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952588303896484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038339626582694,0.1518860934161564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214823349914287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460861316376834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194428931813335,0.0,0.0,0.09839408985500253,0.0,0.12551468306178065,0.0,0.13388573229455195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778313170743029,0.0,0.08466378083334206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858264028738456,0.13344895765076176,0.14707824416113607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943028614515388,0.2959240816853616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187068992796788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185767303671772,0.0,0.3156683477814881,0.14555963248598322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261969103054705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622733376294542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438773384615291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329933034619465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327789094799214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561780926940686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622283644084134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557370706359669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545474648754627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120730359029887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878670888625213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918651707840364
suicidewatch,fenfaer,2018/01/01,"I just want the pain to stop. I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of people telling me things will get better when I always end up in the same position at the end of the day: crying to the point of being numb and feeling trapped in a life I can't escape.
I'm sitting in the dark at 6 AM, periodically bursting into tears and feeling like a terrible person for not being happy on New Years while also being jealous of those who are.....
I know I'm only 17 and I have so many years ahead of me to make things better but the prospect of living through another year of turmoil is terrifying. I don't want to participate in my own life and I wish I could just disappear. No one needs me around and everyone would be better off without me in their lives, whining about stupid shit. I don't have talents, I don't have dreams or aspirations, and I don't have the drive to do anything. I'm useless and unproductive and a waste of space. 
I'm so sick of everything. 
I just want it all to stop.",3.656743697478991,4.391074436274516,5.189915966386554,83.80676470588237,71.79411764705883,7.985434173669468,27.31652661064425,8.192908349453996,1.6129114845938377,771,26,165,11,14,261,115,204,0.3,0.604,0.096,-0.9935,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,4,11,15,3,1,11,0,20,8,1,1,1,32,36,17,0,7,7,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,5,10,0,2,3,1,0,2,8,9,0,1,0,2,18,6,33,29,3,30,0,2,0,0,4,14,1,1,14,113,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719029073783662,0.11153051022121033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055072741255614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103020081575342,0.1193224053119994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556376550974735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070185865519228,0.0,0.14723465587300022,0.08644354273551813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237436100341365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807923297830318,0.12046488079040152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355474707787878,0.09575690848663428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002942115212499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268614385002895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366388287515757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893502727193252,0.06548428826135701,0.0,0.23671635188271506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947153149797234,0.13589368478655764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099387618215107,0.0,0.1294549174819999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082774531155073,0.10194208217616063,0.14262608272085012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292520276890044,0.117036975908867,0.0,0.0,0.1267094128922617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758827408502625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412385446339425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715528452572065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809803273542651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081143592189673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910031313418024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717758876508674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541373015313608,0.12920803033438166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521688320793596,0.0,0.0,0.25894859590579555
suicidewatch,Throwaway121817,2018/01/01,"I'm just sick of this. I am breaking apart. I'm falling apart at my seams. I wanted to badly to want to live but I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. I'm all alone; I don't have any friends, I don't talk with my family, the one person I loved and wanted to be with left me after 2 years and is now engaged within a few months. I'm just sick of feeling this way.

I hate how I look, i hate how I am, I hate everything about me. There are no positive qualities to me. I can't meet new people, every time i try it just never works out. I get left behind, abandoned, ghosted.

I'm scared to die but I'm also too scared to keep living. I'll never find anyone who actually truly cares for me. I won't find anyone who will try and fight for me as much as I will for them. I'll never be happy with myself. I have no idea who I even am. I'm just tired of being a waste. 

But why can't I pull the trigger? Why can't I kill myself?
I want to be happy, I want to be loved and to love someone again but I doubt it will. Why do I feel like I deserve to be happy? Why do I feel like I am owed love and adoration? I'm not. I'm just some 23 year old who is fucking delusional. 

I want to live yet I hate doing it. I want to die but I'm too scared to. I try to say that things will pan out, everything will be okay but why should I think that? What have I done to warrant that kind of salvation from these dark unending thoughts? 

Who the fuck am I to think that I deserve happiness, to be loved or cared for, to be honored a place on this world? What have I ever done to deserve this sort of cosmic kindness? I haven't contributed anything at all. I most likely never will. So what sort of cosmic joke is this? 

I can't cry. I can't show emotions. I can hardly feel them ffs. I know I want to be sad, everything is screaming that I am not okay, that I am sad. But I can't feel it, I can't cry, I can't yell, I can't do anything to vent these emotions. Even when I'm happy I still feel nothing. My smiles and laughs are fake. I am constantly in a state of just numbness. Why?

I can't be happy, I'm too afraid to die. When will one of these feelings win? I'd rather be one extreme than stuck in the middle. This trigger is so hard to pull.",-0.5953533982047219,1.2791835315682292,1.8950113147770968,97.67119163460815,87.41140529531569,4.7775665686052635,17.442898091574264,6.0378880255834675,-0.4971217771743226,1698,41,417,14,54,580,191,491,0.244,0.5670000000000001,0.189,-0.989,1,1,0,0,1,2,63.0,0,0,2,3,27,47,8,5,8,2,62,11,0,4,7,70,112,23,5,10,18,0,9,3,1,9,4,3,0,1,29,11,0,2,14,2,1,4,23,20,0,3,4,13,65,27,55,87,6,41,0,3,1,7,18,15,2,6,22,276,94,1,0.0,0.0,0.059457345795905864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310346478637657,0.0,0.04872443292580634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041433412768572236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604246175409811,0.0852051314070299,0.0,0.10027779122641063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050872683071051014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424116324780612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584197337617817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385400981855694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970223193804306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470184862236518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707253638520508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048528937274199,0.055113241240073545,0.0513348190000144,0.0,0.16427559707836384,0.0,0.05743788889671929,0.0,0.2156506677019731,0.0870545463142897,0.0,0.0,0.11137493834184448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707314370308194,0.11265467914308636,0.031832583065803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891565960465464,0.1091597878372598,0.24061679028055954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878076636824114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054155976369805264,0.0674082659259877,0.12689514042129227,0.03348466447379569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239780631902012,0.0,0.0,0.08929964054920854,0.0,0.1614027249626579,0.0,0.05116452492297481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749513749646753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04863248102238931,0.0,0.04478939688325318,0.0,0.1879670047069846,0.05884504464303127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058462459196497264,0.0,0.0639341241997787,0.0,0.12386001625068993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042240092626523874,0.0532003434570206,0.06365722763446285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845272255048914,0.18299992288407396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162444985954049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048657512384569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897195352022834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04047813281642793,0.07808093864553682,0.0,0.048370357192505715,0.035527849826693,0.07002825221344001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240991867429509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874972707755946,0.04836214129497845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32987051627829184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044356613105896364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847180564330722
suicidewatch,minusman652,2018/01/01,"12 years ago today I overdosed It was New Year’s Day 2006 and I had made my plan to overdose on a cocktail of different pills, mostly sleeping pills. I couldn’t stand the thought of going through another year with this depression and in a way, it was my news years resolution to end it all. I had everything in order, started swallowing them a few at a time, then sent my final goodbye messages to some close friends (tried to keep them vague). 

I was living in an apartment at the time and apparently one of my friends called my parents to come check on me after getting the text message and then me not answering my phone. My mom knocked on the door and I broke down.  The pills were already taking effect and I felt really loopy and had felt some pain in my stomach. She took me to the hospital where I had my stomach pumped and was interviewed by a couple doctors and was eventually released to my family.

I always consider this as my lowest point. I was able to find my way out of that depression with a year or so of counseling and making some big life changes. 

That was until about 2 years ago when the pain started to return. I’ve been experiencing an unbearable depression that seems to be getting worse. It’s almost like the depression learned how to build up a tolerance and has come back to finish me off. I can’t stop thinking about that moment 12 years ago, how it seemed like the best way out, and how I could finally go through with it since I know the mistakes I made before. 

Today is going to be a hard day.",5.467451152966029,6.074452481605352,5.899207885935577,80.7972223200141,67.66220735785953,9.237880654814294,31.79035381094877,9.276330184999452,2.6810829431438123,1208,48,236,22,19,389,160,299,0.125,0.82,0.055,-0.9708,4,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,3,9,13,0,0,20,0,20,11,3,7,1,51,43,22,0,3,2,2,3,2,2,0,7,0,1,0,12,20,2,2,11,1,1,7,3,8,0,1,20,4,33,5,43,19,7,63,0,5,0,0,13,19,0,8,34,159,45,3,0.09271677421689087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465634783996988,0.0,0.09284245646792877,0.0,0.10231526589698273,0.0,0.07714778353437718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722162189087727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129347630786546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889514594547786,0.0,0.09730053437022973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467419283225446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980820533159344,0.15973458256721046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740267997796052,0.10258934716975976,0.0,0.11958929820507845,0.0,0.31942728709515195,0.0,0.0,0.09686929529719326,0.0,0.09489954715710316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211954215958893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332785825402812,0.0,0.08740512315009223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804528636004666,0.20313338838896772,0.08474145192824861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326549953213447,0.0,0.0968813755691836,0.0,0.15807923833907814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305601826792243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241092900241813,0.0,0.0,0.05095471435648112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548859959015824,0.09059346515441956,0.0,0.08187061028356236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546170712367293,0.06188916674732552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085887653841843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895464382934624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282728573834202,0.0,0.1973143695708077,0.0,0.10295100547738777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764732034482525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059396739712029724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688117380970967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669627374092024,0.0,0.09278373316239134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125082000266666,0.0,0.0,0.07751537482764936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971147546618071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940916517892556,0.0,0.07360676216403199,0.10812779330883283,0.0,0.17576932173951654,0.0,0.10301174764751443,0.06294860360436788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078277928828235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448631394263413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179459392977961
suicidewatch,bendymx,2018/01/01,"Taking my meds, doing the therapy; Yet I still cry every day, want to kill myself every day.

My work has changed hands recently, and the new team has forced us to understaff every shift, making things dangerous and stressful.

So moral is low. People are leaving, signed off on stress leave. So we become more understaffed.
Should have had 6 staff on last night.
We had 3.

I did everything alone, until the last 30minutes,  when I asked someone to help me with a 2 minutes task.
They blew up in my face and there I was, crying again.

I want to die.
I don’t want to do this all over again.
I’m all pale skin, black bags, split skin and spots.
I want to scream and punch and break myself and let everything out until I don’t exist any more.
I want to die.
I just want to die.",1.901060606060604,4.0349242142857165,2.7425714285714267,93.6857619047619,79.58441558441558,5.9248484848484875,18.70822510822511,7.03164865440522,0.09808017316017326,595,13,128,7,15,187,101,154,0.252,0.6859999999999999,0.062,-0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,4,26.0,3,0,1,2,9,6,2,2,4,0,15,4,4,1,2,23,25,12,4,7,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,5,20,0,18,19,4,23,1,1,1,0,7,8,0,0,14,79,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248812811185178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199641153093587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127231038817069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316768807417528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755434858613002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648960763973905,0.1555242219622562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754192869704282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047736594691571,0.0,0.2167334455047176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082013940932402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340045012286625,0.0,0.0,0.19657249686442466,0.0,0.255347006920864,0.0,0.12329802668784955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048600209831651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393372891150224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645389975614492,0.0,0.1131532315336603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359282488881624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905512013526102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021643971107262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962928502134634,0.0,0.2762408118270477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065880598384732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378901679241342,0.0,0.08010591970684237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503913752338154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267161987151866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778140296249877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,communicatingdolphin,2018/01/01,"I need someone, I don't know what to do I honestly don't know how much hope I have writing this post but I feel so alone right now and have no idea what to do. I made a really bad mistake and my girlfriend won't talk to me. She meant everything to me because she was one of the only people who I felt genuinely appreciated me. I don't really have many friends and the ones I do have, I am struggling to keep. I feel like they'll only talk to me or hang out with me because they feel obliged to. My parents yell at me for being too ""moody"". I try my best but I'm slowly giving up. I try to hope that things will get better but I can't seem to picture a happy future for me after everything that has happened. I think of suicide almost on the daily but I'm too scared to act on it. I live in really lucky circumstances; I live in a good house, I have a good family, I go to a good school, I'm really well off financially. I feel like dying now would be such a waste of so many people's time and money. But on the other hand I have nobody, I don't know what to do. I'm constantly in pain. Now that I'm typing this, it sounds so over the top, but I don't know how else to describe it. I just want someone to talk to. I want to do something about this. Thank you if you made it through the whole thing.",1.7146228239845271,2.7832050141843965,3.761573178594457,90.92454545454548,76.87234042553192,6.971244358478402,21.68343004513217,7.520522993642371,0.5618524822695039,1002,25,237,13,22,343,138,282,0.116,0.652,0.232,0.9878,1,1,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,2,2,3,14,21,0,2,12,0,26,2,1,4,0,43,56,17,2,8,9,1,6,2,2,4,1,2,0,0,17,6,0,1,13,0,1,3,8,6,1,2,5,8,41,15,36,45,3,24,0,0,0,0,15,13,0,7,9,162,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226293981887648,0.10577018795342827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526969586116799,0.12450830062242095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071733673277431,0.09032082553805032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036030941880186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059891127225049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531191952679545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835658399842348,0.0,0.09627389438631444,0.0,0.2065488727336147,0.1459155334343974,0.09805553998003924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890113916706233,0.0,0.05335583878494087,0.09796713080083276,0.058039709603717064,0.25697156837685003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030836242557397,0.10871343448018793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286535277197407,0.0,0.1178379671741926,0.0,0.11528613541233468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077295230661188,0.0,0.0,0.2244998284604789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997857491876052,0.0,0.18035561769640907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932653516368749,0.0,0.20707643781925286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507326170915958,0.07572402638006939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840441506764373,0.1553405757896193,0.10866767354324193,0.0,0.11339717708852005,0.0,0.0,0.1416005460683418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780704588865953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616942915855305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721376919917112,0.0,0.0,0.10224444518451728,0.1033554511417687,0.0,0.0929703137470662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305952321701246,0.07862043323597491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676270614512176,0.0,0.11170763289987362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462514259311813,0.0,0.09402252326639984,0.0,0.0,0.13569396642454168,0.06543725914318965,0.0,0.0,0.059549620079843275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867167041836015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047135790789905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182219457917874,0.0,0.0,0.11401836266202448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254631819690563,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vvanderlvst,2018/01/01,"human error 404 im sorry I feel like there's so much to say and no one to say it to. I feel like no matter what I am going to be alone in the end and I don't know if this is my fault or if this is a preordained fate that the universe decided for me. I am just so fucking sad and I don't know what I can do to make it better anymore. It honestly feels like no one cares that I exist and the only time they do is when they need me to be there for them or when it's convenient. I am last choice everytime. I was alone for every single holiday this year, including my birthday. I try so hard and I put so much effort in but I get nothing in return. I am always the friend that's there for everyone but no one is there for me. I can honestly say that there is no one i can go to, as a companion, as someone to be there for me. No one hits me up. No one texts, calls, snaps, direct messages, IM's me. We have so many means of communicating but here I am in this void of not mattering and no one caring. I know what you're thinking, someone does care even if it might not feel like it. No they don't care. They care because it's what works for them at the time and then when they're done with using me they ghost me. I think I offer a lot to people but I guess I am wrong. I go the gym everyday, maybe twice, because I literally have no other plans and no one to hang out with. Then I go on every social media network and see everyone who claims that they're my friend at a party or with someone else when I haven't hung out with anyone in two months. I guess I am to the point now where I wake up crying because I know that day will guarantee me loneliness and apathy. I wish I could say it get's better but it doesn't. Somehow even though I go to school full-time, double majoring, having a job, and a roommate would allow me to fill a social void I've been missing for a long time, but no one fucks with me. I am alone. I don't know why I don't matter. I've tried to matter for so long and I am exhausted. Everyone always says, it'll get better or someone will come along...but fucking when? When I am 80 with nothing to show for my life but a few degrees? Therapy doesn't work, medicine doesn't work, exercise doesn't work. Nothing will make me into someone people want to be around even when I am not this far along the line. I am hot, that's all that I have going for me, and that doesn't even work for my advantage because the only people that hit me up, if at all, are thirsty ass guys I know from wherever and they just want to sleep with me. It's seems so much easier to just quit, to just disappear, because that is easier than to wake up everyday knowing that no one cares about my existence. Now I don't either. I don't care anymore. This might not be the end of the world, but I think this is the end of my time on it. I'm sorry for not being enough and I am so sorry that I wasn't worth getting to know or having around. I am sorry that I wasn't good enough. ",1.4879342418979746,2.8138793946957894,3.430380596355932,92.00979130485977,77.98595943837753,6.709810732051923,20.98669531686928,7.427112045954479,0.4615729608806989,2296,57,538,30,53,777,226,641,0.138,0.725,0.13699999999999998,0.7887,1,5,0,0,1,0,63.0,1,0,8,12,38,28,3,0,21,0,64,10,4,4,2,97,116,52,1,10,27,0,6,4,3,7,3,5,0,2,39,30,0,0,18,4,1,11,33,8,0,12,5,12,80,20,70,95,13,61,0,2,1,4,25,23,4,16,31,384,119,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599317408419231,0.0,0.0,0.08565944050740561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209491460573317,0.03599116953066008,0.0,0.0,0.0916438959953754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688753807595499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657125076624022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255976268512909,0.0,0.3673615997895746,0.0,0.0,0.04433949475131118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04109706048035143,0.0,0.05654075382766027,0.033195873898164495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045044433153968215,0.052674824866052114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429991477072099,0.0,0.13676959428744034,0.10637088829536652,0.0,0.13598991735371432,0.0,0.08673656822987218,0.14755418157478298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410532943923326,0.14708949487301862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953593720854064,0.1427580800066607,0.10757022491963286,0.0,0.1755200018925803,0.04317317160555754,0.0,0.0,0.11340678632377987,0.05096643496900501,0.0,0.0,0.046109763169235096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119950357606603,0.0,0.05107908264128992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630603877535385,0.041957424608382914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036356953780835234,0.10058857407480504,0.0,0.0,0.09110409988747988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376056606796936,0.0,0.0,0.06871735199862389,0.05218561712045552,0.05171162039540494,0.056069266470832935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920959270571463,0.0,0.0,0.041085315878733805,0.0,0.11351589392196038,0.03816663150192712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481694056712759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34879486476414223,0.07829518313912652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107054843501121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865869166134619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517446554388958,0.0,0.05474794920374669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466726859514148,0.0,0.052093498008732066,0.041017375031516166,0.04685915257058698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151024635294482,0.10494063176785527,0.21806483907006635,0.0,0.0,0.23047956475928924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058863945029953714,0.0,0.0,0.09894560058172946,0.050572032992547714,0.0,0.12005745147568342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989367572783033,0.0,0.05028171310343178,0.0,0.0,0.044456208558505315,0.0,0.0,0.060720304289283676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644644236203371,0.0,0.05919149380877978,0.0,0.0,0.1873650513457807,0.0,0.0,0.03656499430637262,0.056277725073004985,0.0,0.033146971475150604
suicidewatch,Aimozz,2018/01/01,"Got nothing to live for. I survived a suicide attempt two weeks ago. And I honestly wish I didn’t. I got liver damage from what I did. And they said that every attempt from now onwards could be my last due to the damage I did. And that just makes me want to do it again more. I wish I was dead. I’m suffering and I want it to end.

I have nothing and no one. It hurts so badly.. it hurts so fucking much. I have nothing going for me and I’ve fucked my entire life up.

I’m begging my mother to help me and she won’t. No one will help me. Im on a waiting list for mental help. I’m no one’s priority. I feel so helpless. I’ve tried everything I can and suicide seems like the only answer for me at this point in time",-1.2819047619047623,0.7275120318471338,1.6059690627843501,96.86450106157112,94.28662420382166,4.009584470730967,18.304215953897483,5.622346879071545,-0.4144077039733087,547,17,129,4,21,190,88,157,0.223,0.617,0.161,-0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,2,0,4,0,12,4,1,1,0,19,29,11,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,9,0,4,7,2,23,2,15,18,2,14,0,6,0,2,7,5,2,1,9,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201338101085613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131568425733129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820485132738672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003399953673878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141847781844177,0.0,0.12180019318207455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852498428535128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505794273743608,0.0,0.0,0.0770213874495535,0.0,0.21678177621699132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725165533210773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901623961339109,0.0,0.146389128705204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047011243056401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572457817154101,0.06621015941153413,0.0,0.11967013622350232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046329311287052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657627225771274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996257013807077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390116673176489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27550362029131603,0.10307207562047097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811394380672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891431700365608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337591978511105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964824232718985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902510870505076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201187022208393,0.0,0.13238721278969254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987108132263764,0.0,0.1087091429709249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31169172259836425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Agdaynee,2018/01/01,"I can't see a point in either living or dying Seeing everyone here, knowing how many people are suicidal, I don't understand why I can't find anyone who actually feels the same way I do.

I'm so sick of seeing the bullshit ""happiness comes from within"" stuff, because it doesn't. If there's nothing to be happy over, you can't be happy.

It's not even a chemical thing, not for everyone. There are people who, with a little tablet or two, instantly feel great about life. Those people have their solution. So what about when those same tablets do nothing? It's because there's nothing wrong inside, you just have nothing to be happy about.

That's why there's two types of suicidal people, the ones who want to die because there's something wrong inside stopping them feeling how they normally would, and the ones who have no idea why they should be alive or dead.",6.390963855421687,6.786332674698797,6.380385542168675,78.88479518072292,65.6265060240964,9.290602409638556,31.057831325301212,9.120678840339163,2.5758814457831334,688,24,126,11,10,218,95,166,0.205,0.684,0.111,-0.9663,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,4,0,16,7,0,0,7,0,18,2,0,2,0,27,29,10,5,5,8,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,8,2,0,4,0,6,10,5,14,23,3,9,0,0,3,0,10,5,0,4,2,90,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.09785805553829348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011756385828166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338784951522447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638167070454705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081480014536127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623348059034741,0.0,0.0,0.19164218860800813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521125635843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165339249452938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055819663099292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269963874016775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113203035976981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551108380620558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083018033767008,0.0,0.10050612506744833,0.08854839051423694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166739199208978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825234658443058,0.384882473468904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590359258932325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780839457165048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479627820703124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972867099703915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719984454597012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383792007074173,0.0,0.0,0.11479571796934568,0.21937838649615796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666210594538376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591645814289355,0.10439420697791964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059147283472842135,0.07959697906866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714592021414234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123548238883158,0.2192791750345144,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shay0929,2018/01/01,"hurting loved ones I just got an evalution for smi (seriously mentally ill) and I found to be elgible, not a surprise to me my mind is all kinds of twisted yet Im intelligent 
I also got a recent diagnosis of psychosis then bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified)
Im so delusional Im the biggest critic of myself

 Im a victim of long term abuse (emotional, sexual, and munchausen by proxy and narcissistic parents) and the result of that all Is that I cant love myself but I do try, Im with a boy whos the only one thats truly been there I do feel guilty as though my illnesses have taken a toll on him.. I get very jealous and sensitive I try to give him all the love I can and make things right.. I feel like a burden and just depressed Ive been prescribed seroquel which helped with my auditorial halluncinations and I dont 'switch' so rapid or intensely and for the most part the delusions I have of people after me is fading 

 afterall my past 2 suicide attempts were mainly caused by the belief everyone wanted me to die and were plotting to kill me so I tried to do it myself so I could be in 'control of my own death' and the first one (Nov 13th 2017) I had been up, tried to OD on cough medicine in the middle of target admitted myself in the hospital and tried to escape a couple times, ended up assaulting 1 medical staff then had to be completely restrained and shot up with ativan was gunna go to jail 

had quite a few encounters with the police but I admitted myself after telling an officer I was talking to an officer I had told them I was talking to a nurse and they told me I wasnt talking to anyone.. I was all alone that whole day and even in the hospital everyone seemed to be more understanding when I broke down and talked about my feelings which was because I thought they were gunna kill me and I told them 

'Whatever you do to me please keep it peaceful, I never got to live a good life Ive just been living a life of suffering'

and this is coming from an 18 year old girl who was doing a few grams of meth a day, being told things about myself I can't even recall.. Im sober and I have more clarity now .. And Im doing better too but I feel like a burden and guilty for the damage ive caused to my love ones through my self destruction my boyfriend had to see me almost die.. I dont mind hurting myself but when It comes to hurting my loved ones cause of it I just feel so terrible yet I cant stop .. wish I didnt think about death when it comes to peace

Does anyone ever get this? feeling bad cause you hurt those around you with your mental illness but also feeling like you should push them away so it doesnt faze them if you end up dying .. I dont even live for myself I live to make others happy I hate when I make them sad or upset.. just scared they lie or just feel bad for me ",2.1688635451505007,4.081652949565221,3.8675434782608655,87.02918143812711,77.76521739130435,6.9274247491638805,23.05769230769231,7.882392219407189,1.1427852842809365,2206,69,457,36,52,738,259,575,0.232,0.672,0.096,-0.9986,1,1,1,2,1,5,35.0,0,6,8,5,33,37,7,2,31,0,51,13,0,9,6,89,95,46,9,5,17,1,8,3,0,1,8,0,0,3,19,30,0,4,16,0,0,5,12,24,0,6,30,9,82,13,65,58,14,48,1,9,1,5,40,16,0,7,30,327,101,1,0.0,0.06619843960710006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055947108405560685,0.0578658914166545,0.0,0.08936063192623535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813312468391452,0.0,0.0,0.04973736645475326,0.0,0.0,0.05249299312067897,0.0,0.09330052365995764,0.034058669761755214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494136881514165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295811578839171,0.0,0.14438471923820395,0.058580070492860785,0.0,0.0626644944817752,0.04460874420763487,0.0618206103728515,0.0,0.07206482556970753,0.0,0.048121930791921536,0.0,0.17395698939804805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889341410449443,0.0,0.19644249545348472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284777336334238,0.09897090409288327,0.0,0.0,0.11070754271372234,0.050538854625720865,0.0,0.10677498042766938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260019552408924,0.1197435578553926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752416043926992,0.0,0.061260075526576974,0.0,0.0,0.05838097167669519,0.05359691102958311,0.03175298823579327,0.046862255992868806,0.13405632028754888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947611436534502,0.0,0.055161412715347205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744940290050679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392458369292352,0.0,0.422454684975416,0.0,0.0,0.04966104252415966,0.12362679006178078,0.05818143616818395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892720464294453,0.08188779048915824,0.0,0.19734178017343285,0.04944440600673168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213047274704703,0.0,0.11188372387600043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628452927377535,0.11261040367853806,0.0,0.11282831706462418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04309144640912162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862760628576464,0.0,0.18929943798096147,0.04249269602886882,0.0,0.0,0.062038546620042725,0.06050325119704088,0.053335546504351655,0.03873417444874677,0.0,0.0,0.0613299885436427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942608141256625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551662394286746,0.0,0.0,0.047713846369815655,0.0,0.0,0.05593699016218485,0.0,0.04452224975371007,0.05086319864184057,0.058286026037921074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046710968705123056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111421262333186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962916961572453,0.04883404171522072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423691381237814,0.03580011915881787,0.05489333926700689,0.04435562843596197,0.03257904629006145,0.0,0.0,0.2135499608553388,0.0,0.1896649703063811,0.0,0.0,0.05816406861032713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609973318266259,0.032954382753791145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237839150111477,0.06424932040689545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03597933172129683
suicidewatch,BennyOuioui,2018/01/01,"My life is falling apart, I wanna talk... Every thing I bring to conversations is me drunk,please talk to me
",2.66,4.900763809523814,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,77.57142857142857,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.3901238095238093,84,2,17,1,2,27,16,21,0.086,0.914,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612630365822859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028578093829368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706682838657618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6892692710606146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848603240704858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NickHainesworld81,2018/01/01,How is everyone after the new year? It is a lonely time seeing midnight roll around on 1/1. Supposed to be magical I've heard. Hoping all u great people got through it ok. ,0.6714705882352945,3.1945926176470607,2.6796470588235297,87.96241176470592,93.41176470588236,5.072941176470589,21.50588235294117,6.742157984588678,0.903136470588236,135,5,25,2,5,45,32,34,0.065,0.6990000000000001,0.236,0.765,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,5,4,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283520749410451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35244916321724695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950006809965264,0.4066551751723528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663483463301404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562347796743738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557121025485849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939233443526449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507768125748267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375254073097583
suicidewatch,HelplessOrHopeless,2018/01/01,"What even is the point What am i here for? what is the point of my existence? All my life i’ve felt lost & that i don’t belong. I attempted to kill myself when i was 15 but when it went horribly wrong I thought to myself that i should give life a second chance but now it’s been 8 years & nothing has changed. I still feel depressed, i still feel alone. So what is the point in keeping on",-0.07214285714285751,2.096357976190476,1.3121904761904766,100.61614285714286,88.28571428571428,4.788571428571427,17.923809523809524,6.2581,-0.4249247619047618,306,8,74,3,10,97,56,84,0.236,0.735,0.029,-0.9587,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,9,17,5,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,6,3,12,0,6,10,1,12,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678377472245966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908090208326392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078185695877645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533150289742365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191166460475858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237642789686948,0.0,0.17316017154082358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300404626080074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029956079870258,0.1995258168434132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547670285652631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686865547919485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304658064729636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114549900067171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28804864717211964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317435550766186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671822876584845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971797318016792,0.0,0.11613672971019258
suicidewatch,Grand_Wizard_Steve,2018/01/01,"Not going to see my next birthday My birthday's next Monday and I can't think of any reason to keep living.  I've spent years on antidepressants and in therapy and I'm still alone and miserable despite doing everything my therapist told me to. I mean what's the point in me staying alive? My family will get over it, I don't have friends and my job can be done by anyone with half a brain so why should I be forced to suffer year after year?",1.7926984126984138,3.952406780219782,3.3950915750915764,88.730463980464,80.09890109890111,6.681807081807082,21.1001221001221,7.793537801064563,0.8934898656898658,351,10,73,6,9,116,67,91,0.16,0.8109999999999999,0.029,-0.9004,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,10,1,1,1,0,12,19,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,3,1,11,1,12,12,0,15,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,0,8,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449038803013516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277013957007334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130482712487718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963206235223436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217099258133788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687705776949711,0.0,0.17702858847722833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450835388453544,0.0,0.09811080030911616,0.0,0.1067235093403974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863493241084706,0.166913447525756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581909679802342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455476821056687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39942657237670987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751912983191648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307600376395606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964168733226238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001556367299769,0.14996670145280186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147504575938295,0.21803483273495167,0.0,0.12032613507306293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943823958193264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694482886897329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627854345397313
suicidewatch,boohoo-honey,2018/01/01,"I really need STD testing advice. I met a girl a party tonight, anyways we ended up making out and we eventually went to her room and started messing around. I ended up having oral sex with her, and we made out while naked. I’m a virgin and I’ve never done anything besides kiss before this. I feel so disgusting, I threw up after. How do I get tested for STDs? Do I wait until symptoms come up? There is a Planned Parenthood in my town. Ive never felt this awful. I honestly just want to end everything, I never thought I’d feel this awful. ",1.3899235474006133,3.760018137614683,3.6497477064220174,85.07413226299695,83.22018348623854,5.835168195718657,22.844801223241593,7.1686216300943375,1.0937333333333332,423,15,80,6,12,145,75,109,0.11,0.7979999999999999,0.092,-0.6028,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,4,2,6,5,0,3,3,26,22,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,12,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,7,3,16,2,14,15,0,24,0,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,11,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128631599432852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610869870688197,0.17426053326302562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657029658252942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862277440423348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003219738968305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201337672483878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592902448716508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795590340811367,0.0,0.18795234991142212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022721947496905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522501127423507,0.13066579365315847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514742059230734,0.4529273843133483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540356483661702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855407549187435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034609898786152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540500061455656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545943666425648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146380630935974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,naruto_niichan,2018/01/01,"The new year.. I have been depressed for months, but even worse ever since my ex left me in February. My life already felt fucking miserable and her leaving + the bullshit she put me through after our break up ruined me. She’s totally fine while I’m still fucked up. 
I can’t stop thinking about disappearing but I wouldn’t be capable to commit suicide, I don’t think. Sometimes I hope an accident happens but I’m scared. I became an alcoholic unintentionally and in August I started internally bleeding. I’m better now but I was battling with myself whether I should even recover or not. 

Today when I celebrated New Years with my family I felt sad. I wanted to cry at the thought of a new year. Another year to barely live, to suffer. It feels like a chore, I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I am so sad and tired.",1.9114768806073137,4.447226155279509,3.8759730848861302,83.20483609385784,82.47826086956522,6.807591442374053,26.335748792270532,7.984000788550335,1.9403868875086263,645,28,123,13,18,218,108,161,0.34700000000000003,0.541,0.112,-0.9949,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,1,0,0,1,8,15,3,2,7,0,11,6,0,0,3,27,27,12,1,4,7,1,4,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,5,1,1,7,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,5,4,26,5,16,19,1,27,0,6,0,2,5,6,2,2,20,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436405112821068,0.0,0.0,0.14832178071212782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093775700192315,0.0,0.0,0.1332959099250264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887232066217382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764009076083154,0.0,0.0,0.11576479720460316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754948759489506,0.12157908380687142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670722589957922,0.0,0.13592072307652414,0.19204118182797836,0.2581041420242413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485147374496029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885591781051795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349676069887073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423179074224839,0.14603390789690926,0.0,0.0949358399492,0.13132922008055756,0.0,0.11868409468312505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728261218028236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894341787907144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511644447954238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345651393407575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118309467808916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329322411715702,0.0,0.0951341677708359,0.0,0.1073378310353482,0.11237050821508007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701975407534362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224552157898526,0.0,0.1067043704662381,0.0,0.15448140144071104,0.127402389889781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927689878012831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697250565724156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462155380492169
suicidewatch,OptimisticNihilist69,2018/01/01,"Maybe this is the year I finally do it. Happy new year to everyone else out there who doesn't know if this is their last new year or not. IDK if my bitch ass will finally find the guts to do it this year, but I am optimistic for all of us here in the /r/. Cheers!",2.305,2.7381724310344886,3.69603448275862,94.38991379310345,74.6896551724138,8.558620689655173,21.396551724137925,8.841846274778883,0.7902620689655175,203,4,53,4,4,67,43,58,0.07200000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.172,0.7587,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,2,0,1,9,8,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,7,1,11,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,3,9,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742397544247324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294704185317955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653241106515637,0.19411993797065075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609231906242055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672358409161343,0.1731255959777764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337356102029026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102537459881562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554781317261934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5470868858187504
suicidewatch,-FlowerBoy-,2018/01/01,I don't know what's going on. I was feeling sad per usual so I took 11 of my anti depressants and a handful of other pills. I keep shaking and spazing. I  don't know what's going on. Oh well,-1.7450387596899226,0.1716243023255828,2.023604651162792,93.31897286821709,96.67441860465117,3.7968992248062015,18.794573643410853,5.46131890053228,-0.2281286821705426,147,5,33,1,6,54,30,43,0.241,0.67,0.08900000000000001,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,10,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,3,1,0,2,2,6,1,4,8,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31359479902547144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409755325379898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138475659805975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236246840780052,0.0,0.0,0.4001945745671025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045233404391289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009995987199931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273654536613693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HarrytheHazzard,2018/01/01,"Really got nothing left to give For the last couple of years I've had difficulty caring about anything at all for more than a few days. I had a girlfriend who was basically my shelter from the downpour of depression that follows me around but she broke up with me a couple of months ago. 

I had to withdraw from uni for a year before that because of depression which drained my motivation and my doctor gave me pills and forwarded me to a counsellor who actually really helped, but after I got out of the relationship I just stopped caring about that. 

My luck is so bad that my friends always joke about how I'm cursed, everything bad that could possibly happen happens to me.

Also being dead must be easy because you're literally incapable of regret and that sounds like paradise to me. ",9.349874517374516,8.027536709459461,9.15976833976834,67.04932432432435,60.28378378378379,12.511196911196912,39.38610038610038,11.491704259439757,4.556977606177607,635,27,110,15,7,207,96,148,0.219,0.607,0.174,-0.8583,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,8,0,9,2,0,2,2,17,19,8,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,7,1,16,6,26,8,3,15,0,4,0,0,9,6,0,1,10,80,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.15024293943015735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364764217470468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312191078910835,0.1281072141440927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266961206537494,0.13705721330579468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25710066061575904,0.18770540940059752,0.0,0.13100878461483045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31394535552674746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292468632675566,0.3407080505669432,0.0,0.09929158773351547,0.0,0.2652113774152097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758478147872024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836949413797006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894926326590632,0.0,0.0,0.1476926462159166,0.0,0.0,0.2462720618893916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722929805747806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319627208607232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254981061608975,0.0,0.0,0.16727820027280774,0.0,0.0,0.07521717351361831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288955725783918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772895759841015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356698476392415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726168413793194,0.0,0.0,0.1652956293839428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871761530362494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829063313240464
suicidewatch,Rgiqlqlt,2018/01/01,"I fucked up bad Im on vacation with my family, we were on the 2018 party and we drank. My aunt and mom got drunk and i got a bit tipsy. I share a bed with my aunt and i got super horny and i took advantage of my aunt, i fingered her. She didnt say no or move out of the way but shes drunk and i feel like i raped her. I dont know what happened to me my hormones are out of control, as soon as i wasnt that horny anymore the reality hit me and i went to the bathroom. I dont know what to do rn im scared im just a teen and that wasnt me i cant go to sleep and i dont want to wake up tommorow help me please.",-3.5415951821386606,-2.0838859527027007,0.2344300822561713,104.84288484136313,104.47297297297294,3.654994124559342,13.191539365452412,5.511479884284512,-1.3604556991774388,461,10,134,4,23,167,77,148,0.147,0.725,0.128,-0.6946,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,2,0,0,3,2,8,2,1,7,0,11,8,3,1,0,23,25,13,0,1,3,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,15,3,1,3,2,0,4,8,4,0,0,10,3,29,4,18,14,1,12,0,0,0,2,13,6,1,1,2,82,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363089702318618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209256988431188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811514746035402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243741172294446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092135630830095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653136488218054,0.0,0.07322961143557148,0.10346546727075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338915600765422,0.0,0.0,0.0823093406584718,0.0,0.3474976040689925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280713121748503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097075451226966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693187072688869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591878472918705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075586076172764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962131983173026,0.0,0.1539297127337259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897813717981074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517338936274416,0.1449985350820899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449330344832534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609097270083654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854235669452324,0.11495807534815955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342574158878008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,230145,2018/01/01,"I don't know why I keep going Life hasn't been good for a long time no, my hope that it will get better has been slowly going away. I don't know what to do with my life, thr pressure of college and having to become an adult is too much. It seems like everyone around me has a better life than mine. I don't even know what it feels like to bs loved, and ive given up hope that i even will. This new year will be the same, and I'm probably gonna end it before 2019.",2.211840659340659,2.4480007884615422,3.706208791208791,94.95307692307692,74.76923076923076,6.712087912087912,18.703296703296704,6.18269132825596,-0.3811741758241762,358,4,91,2,7,119,67,104,0.063,0.746,0.191,0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,4,0,16,4,0,0,0,14,31,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,1,10,8,10,23,2,10,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,3,7,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554446588979134,0.0,0.0,0.1641621814725616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297272974460916,0.14868018208074105,0.0,0.0,0.3090644430540516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475664990989985,0.0,0.0,0.23081165233577344,0.0,0.0,0.16695955661548256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883474435914611,0.12482531798504845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912878757446833,0.0,0.19860326139440326,0.14655308671062234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34708754540236275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530577683435876,0.0,0.0,0.2880768943743112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702454743415899,0.17072600263383395,0.0,0.0,0.15462828596989542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769833633494332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284447727319417,0.0,0.0,0.16875285026222778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838573264129696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906529899182814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018849753333112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766433740547392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251874263893424
suicidewatch,memesforsale122,2018/01/01,"I'm going to jump off a freeway bridge. I've been depressed and suicidal for 4 years now and I can't deal with it anymore. I've tried everything. I've been on numerous anti depressants, talked to  a therapist and other family members about it and I can't seem to find a solution. So I'm going to kill myself because I don't see any other way. And don't tell me ""people care about you and will mourn for you"" shit, it wouldn't matter if I'm dead. I'm finally going to do it and I'm so ready to finally kill myself I don't enjoy living anymore. I won't have to suffer anymore it would just all be gone.",1.1238205128205152,2.8616741769230782,3.884230769230772,86.50993589743591,80.30769230769229,7.102564102564102,22.371794871794872,8.07648339933343,1.2319487179487183,473,15,101,9,12,168,70,130,0.262,0.6459999999999999,0.092,-0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,2,0,0,6,9,3,0,3,0,14,1,1,0,1,16,26,10,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,7,7,0,0,3,1,10,2,14,18,1,12,0,4,1,0,5,2,1,2,4,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801948090165027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725921943901543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682993017247488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619522151796388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637613618731349,0.2736244974299488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275889542198414,0.0,0.1497441443543459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480120425191908,0.14518069139437093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708244028742267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514750732446848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026231006651496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012254540170632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657823587737976,0.144605764326373,0.0,0.0,0.16305125529133133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374973779827504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276729249299803,0.13883680373900953,0.0,0.0,0.1844303213858481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107844762930547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608310657765434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283833913337575,0.0,0.0,0.10229043596228644
suicidewatch,nanimonaku,2018/01/01,"I understand murder-suicide. The only reason I am still alive right now is because of my kids.  My wife is strong and she'll pull through. I can't fuck her life up any more than I already have. But my kids. I know that having their dad dead, and dead in this way, will fuck them up more than I could possibly do by staying alive. The only reason I am alive is because I understand the pain that I would leave behind. I wouldn't wish the pain i am going through on anyone else, ever. But if we all die together then at least the ones I care about the most wont be in pain. Because it will be over. (And to any religiously motivated responders, No, there is nothing after we die.) Yah, I know there will be a ripple and the people beyond my immediate family will be hurt. But I don't really care about them as much and they don't really care about us as much. They'll get over it. So i understand it. In a twisted way it's the only logical solution when it comes to ending my pain and minimizing the pain I leave behind.
 
But I won't ever do that. I am only saying that I understand now why some people do it. I have this fucking moral compass or something that says it wouldn't be fair to them if I ended their lives too. They deserve the chance to be happy. And it isn't fair to them for me to die either. Because then they wouldn't have their dad. And somehow I know that is important.

But that makes my pain all the worse. I am trapped in a paradox from which there is no reprieve. It will never be better. It will never let up. It will never change. There will only be periods where I manage it better. Where I can keep a smile for a few minutes longer. Where things seem to be on the way up and life is totally awesome for a moment. But it never fails that as soon as that happens, as soon as I think things are actually OK, My karmic ass is going to get whipped and the illusion I had of happiness or satisfaction will be shattered. And the reality of the piece of shit I am will stare me back in the face. What the hell did I ever do to deserve to be like this? How is it that I could have fucked things up so badly along the way that this is where I am now? Nobody deserves this pain. Nobody deserves to feel this way. But here I am. Here it is. It is not fucking fair to me either and I am so sick of it. 

Every choice I make is wrong. Every thing I do makes things worse for my family. And if I go through with the only thing that will bring me any rest it will be the one thing that utterly destroys my poor boys. I can't do go on anymore and I can't end it either. But the day is coming where the pain is going to be too much to bear and it will win. And I am scared shitless for how my boys are going to get through it.

Somebody PLEASE tell me that their dad killed himself and they were ok in the end. Please tell me that I can let go of this forsaken life. ",2.0015141430948447,3.4862921281198034,3.5680163061564047,90.8906068219634,76.97004991680531,6.6050049916805325,21.67058236272879,7.327094020958105,0.5407007387687188,2223,58,499,27,50,737,220,601,0.183,0.71,0.107,-0.9945,0,1,1,0,0,1,59.0,3,0,13,6,34,34,9,1,29,3,87,20,3,8,10,80,124,44,6,10,17,4,1,1,0,21,12,2,0,4,52,23,0,1,14,0,1,11,18,22,0,2,3,4,75,12,66,83,17,66,2,2,1,6,32,24,8,9,26,395,127,3,0.0,0.0,0.05267204531759169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956301623947662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011503620595496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352893155274109,0.03774074071661189,0.05530400883339756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041503625581833736,0.04506706837106055,0.13161121404844994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547342179996347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509405423247206,0.0,0.05709864391439259,0.09298977481069473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618966952338515,0.0,0.0,0.034809562622984694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805332333178127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04508938458559012,0.0,0.19122415723005906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464710760968618,0.0909529302576205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176609959347084,0.0,0.0272915016156708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494961844341185,0.08459950080382321,0.0,0.21472759743908995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773012384773046,0.11491528696310585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778160758067035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047975670682649726,0.05971560267458795,0.0,0.08899013608825936,0.0,0.0,0.11430396520692004,0.0,0.11038667359024602,0.11437291845040914,0.02636957441725361,0.0,0.04766112316773537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808666952193308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903402905742015,0.0,0.1665161210546335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051790695648371805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073150035000309,0.2463035998618651,0.4594676618779993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748392664778769,0.0,0.0,0.11849720359410724,0.0,0.060848969820462076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691558379098915,0.11099106645523277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046094557506060986,0.0,0.08584654978378785,0.0540386283210636,0.0,0.0,0.04913702862198283,0.0,0.0,0.05540480516404412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041552774455498674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057530421037835726,0.043104694013061266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059040148772954465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943534724343507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510112438213882,0.03458515246286865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247605011396661,0.06492556434880101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421515406093716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870425610652348,0.0,0.062068858822802615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001075552967643,0.03834245975934781,0.0590134485152446,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whydoihatemyselflol,2018/01/01,"Why is this so difficult First of all happy new years....

This is actually my first post on reddit and I honestly have no idea how to work this. 

But to start of this post, I'm tired of fighting everyday just to get up...

I'm tired of being told to let go of the past and pretty much pretend nothing has happened and that I've forgiven all parties involved...

I'm tired of pretending I'm okay, that I'm happy when I'm really not.....

I'm tired of not being able to take responsibility of my own emotions, which allowed to me to fall into this state of mind......

I'm tired of wanting to die... I just want to be happy, but I can't. I don't know why I can't be happy. I just came out as gay, have a loving family, and I also have a long term boyfriend, but I can't be happy. Every little thing makes me sad and go into a downward spiral of terrible thoughts. It's been like this since my early child hood years.. I'm trying so hard to fight and win, for the sake of not burdening my loving family, but its just so hard. I'm currently imploding and slowly pushing everyone away, just so I could feel at peace doing it. But I want to live.... But living is just so hard. I have so many feelings, but it is just too much. I don't know why I think killing myself is the best option. I just want to be happy. 

I want to be thankful towards my family for being so supportive, but right now I just loathe them, since I want to be as distant towards them to escape and be happy.

I'm sorry if the formatting is terrible, but I'm just not feeling well. Also for the second year in the row, I'm backed up in the national suicide chat and I'm too scared to call... I just don't have the strength or courage to do anything right lol",2.5231342205715457,3.5770982534819,4.48524914887032,86.58772722583309,74.82172701949861,7.5469307747859276,24.438357577633344,8.045849151850463,1.2388649747240281,1319,40,289,20,27,453,162,359,0.161,0.612,0.227,0.9837,2,0,0,0,3,2,61.0,0,0,2,6,28,28,3,1,11,2,33,8,0,3,2,61,73,33,3,8,26,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,14,13,0,0,8,3,0,5,11,9,1,3,4,6,28,19,46,57,7,41,0,1,0,3,11,17,0,3,17,193,42,1,0.07220498866455173,0.0,0.07046165324176827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548460669619624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941855340717474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678389636932275,0.05552117933507777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577468090965317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372936642820739,0.08258327140378577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057649808075243385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493737853626321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122089372184055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060835817125510214,0.06899496094579002,0.0,0.0,0.2042053117005365,0.0,0.10952703535787886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283505294426428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037724126426222734,0.0,0.08207151804536299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385063301542608,0.538044871558067,0.19404446201490946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151064338085202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988412189823829,0.0,0.07936394689290058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383449294715756,0.0,0.035275710246645164,0.07236836757302109,0.12751665569502996,0.06389914280964296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033564268146253,0.0,0.048197390614514016,0.07320452548475481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290645522268514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615794936184436,0.0,0.0,0.06973602798998728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928263400295058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689278318450811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383048396765355,0.07345843163384527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462563646529144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233253315963436,0.0,0.0,0.0722897899153326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945742553816398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808275733004751,0.05110706261380682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898053825513637,0.0819373654687055,0.0,0.0,0.05428916545403024,0.0,0.0,0.06647665251614819,0.0,0.0,0.047969786074469896,0.046266041226586674,0.0,0.057322695624154436,0.0,0.4149450634348928,0.0,0.06899496094579002,0.0,0.04902244764329505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555302384866078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492095627996793,0.0,0.19546131450661366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256609170505818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949293609928226
suicidewatch,Ksteinskia,2018/01/01,"I have to take large amounts of Tylenol and Advil every single day. I'm 21. It's been a few years since I started doing this to take the edge off a chronic pain injury. It's probably from a slipped or herniated disc in my neck. I don't know, because I was never able to get the MRI. I'm hoping that I'm slowly destroying my stomach and liver so I could just die. Proper pain management medication is out of the question due to no money or health insurance",2.533404255319148,4.262259521276596,4.4329255319148935,84.20875000000002,76.12765957446808,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.7169404255319152,361,14,73,6,8,123,70,94,0.203,0.767,0.029,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,6,0,7,11,3,0,1,11,16,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,10,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,5,44,11,1,0.2275042951469857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868450670307875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164366748188696,0.0,0.0,0.14672144940905713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361135400665915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916821808411269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886160432079702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418264271607875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596309832905204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503041086146155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918664269482786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754653376122699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4841612205636954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452881089655262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548568773685254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819390391010352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102871106321734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421098333833224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650530705334674
suicidewatch,toshinoba,2018/01/01,"When the ball drops. Hopefully 2018 willl bring better things in my life. My mother's mental health is slowly detoriating, and there's nothing I can do about it. Everytime I try to make her feel good, it's to no avail. I just want to cross things off my bucket list, so when I'm ready to transcend, I'll leave in a better place than I was when I began this save file. ",2.751754385964912,4.144898736842109,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,74.78947368421053,6.64561403508772,19.24561403508772,7.1686216300943375,0.106287719298245,288,5,64,3,6,92,57,76,0.043,0.7120000000000001,0.244,0.9414,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,7,11,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,5,9,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749152469795355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575663243122235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22519670876088535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285392359428646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667119277686674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842921875195921,0.0,0.0,0.18964245682060987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792191878585695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705748127501641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576234364640512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805149486415593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567457072842821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228711433238595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836238307710926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BHawksRule,2018/01/01,"I thought I was content with how I look I was fine with how I looked for a few months, but I'm 100% certain that I'm so ugly that I'm beyond redemption. I was talking to someone on Whisper, and she basically made it seem like I was exactly what she was looking for. The only problem was that I asked if we could exchange pictures. I realized it was over when she sent a picture and she looked more than decent. I look like garbage in the shape of a human.

 

I know that relationships are not happiness generators, but I really can't find anything worth living for. 

 

I'm ugly, my upper body hurts, and I'm really stupid. There are no positive qualities that I possess.


 

My resolution for this year is to die, like I should have last year.",4.259581818181822,5.588065140000001,5.776181818181822,77.93809090909096,70.93333333333334,9.454545454545457,31.63636363636364,9.800150414767053,3.1676,601,27,115,15,11,204,91,150,0.228,0.662,0.111,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,5,0,14,1,1,3,2,23,30,10,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,5,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,10,6,21,6,14,18,2,12,0,1,5,0,10,6,0,2,8,78,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596618241178078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163706080235842,0.0,0.13220179094446502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707763732759056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129065390095635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676406280374782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292486515201195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053645526248108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138522670799115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771672504200591,0.11527022962024498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726131558952726,0.0,0.12487001033731712,0.0,0.5937552873578115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338081217817386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287427289843065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075507353328244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531286158891387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118520128665055,0.0,0.0,0.15182432418447692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873681659532707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198185270250652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366217659071715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226589273592484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821302927345512
suicidewatch,TheRealDirtyB,2018/01/01,"Why can't I just do it I've stared at the floor for hours. I got cucked like the piece of shit I am. Can't get up to dance. NYE, full bar, and I'm sitting ina corner watching her dance with another man. Can't just find someone else. I wish I was never born. Why do I exist? I don't want to. All I've done is accumulate debt. I want to get shot and die.",-2.5294444444444437,-0.8023736666666643,0.4449691358024701,103.89486111111113,100.48148148148148,3.6876543209876544,12.922839506172838,5.46131890053228,-1.4150419753086418,267,5,73,2,12,92,54,81,0.162,0.77,0.068,-0.7387,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,10,2,1,0,2,11,17,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,3,1,2,5,1,0,0,3,2,9,1,8,14,3,11,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,4,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618652546413149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25918187185704955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555620317677781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861862531638947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282500688249455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609488053172017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973309578778534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459352251747898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200619759320852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260833002440766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563457983620205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115966914805104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945962207408873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506876751317415,0.0,0.2871789030074353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smpersmpr,2018/01/01,It’s all my fault I lost my wife and two wonderful kids because I’m a compulsive liar and adulterous piece of shit. I never felt like I was good enough for my wife and she left me today when she found out about my lies. This is the worse I’ve ever felt in my life. I put a gun in my mouth and tried to pull the trigger but my kids faces came into my mind so I stopped. I can’t picture my life without them. ,1.53590476190476,2.5427732888888883,3.059841269841268,96.025,77.2222222222222,6.476190476190476,21.746031746031747,6.868970318607317,0.2022698412698416,316,8,79,3,7,104,64,90,0.205,0.747,0.048,-0.8777,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,0,4,0,3,5,3,1,3,19,10,7,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,6,2,19,2,9,4,3,13,0,1,0,0,7,5,1,1,6,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254812291008913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354318942099745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126929577637034,0.0,0.0,0.18619862842992904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952870488260839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256984675461429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726530578428188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365124413883994,0.0,0.29078888627692123,0.10056549155534128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247041832376088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784481604375624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876038896925818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069311254260129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112969810466252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209567509867554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511703422485854,0.0,0.0,0.13975527381373715,0.0,0.20108069891639174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984272781833435,0.2232301709917797,0.0,0.0,0.2097736871130101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatemyself9291994,2018/01/01,"I really, really just want to die I will never be good enough. I will never be cool enough to smart enough or pretty enough or kind enough. I hate myself so much. I just want to die.",-0.27736842105263193,1.9687417894736856,1.6582105263157914,96.71047368421057,91.63157894736841,5.145263157894737,7.6,6.742157984588678,-1.3395431578947372,140,0,32,2,5,46,20,38,0.306,0.444,0.25,-0.5972,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,8,7,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,3,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251597579026344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.80931613779249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139213203913508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546612613797988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312878629658456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515712781850773,0.0,0.241639114310084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937123977728768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071036144824864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479462920919665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvoX201512,2018/01/01,"I can't go any longer I'm sorry but this is it. I just can't do this anymore. These past two days have been the worst. The thoughts, feelings, everything. I've cut my whole fore arm last night and tonight and I feel really bad about it. I hid the gauzes so hopefully no one in my family finds about it. I have my arm wrapped up with pressure so hopefully it will stop before anyone notices but man I really am considering ending it all tonight. I don't know...

I WANT TO END IT TONIGHT!!!",-0.6379235294117649,1.4539936900000008,1.2181176470588255,96.8064117647059,102.1,5.1529411764705895,18.88235294117647,6.794906146795322,0.3696294117647061,379,13,85,7,17,123,67,100,0.247,0.669,0.083,-0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,3,0,10,2,2,0,1,16,19,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,2,2,11,2,6,16,3,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,10,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331521988735187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442089453454936,0.13707706015560164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368680436145575,0.0,0.0,0.16681722439390267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264308124074735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472698840313356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618982590173254,0.0,0.18481086341841504,0.0,0.19824935799743632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917875215731235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141513400689652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894276973260097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773950560414088,0.15980032024571847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839720502546995,0.0,0.0,0.22319501142060733,0.0,0.0,0.13284307034954634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714418362725616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511789321907155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945286562744376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389981312079233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563537672281544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150445794583806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156305965083753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887378903120525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadgirl18,2018/01/01,"hurting so very bad i really feel like killing myself tonight... but i'm helpless because i have no good way to do it now. i don't know why i'm posting this. i'm 18, applying to colleges for next year, this year in an hour and a half, but i dont know how i'll make it till then and i have no money to pay for it. i drink and smoke weed every day and cut myself like twice a week. no friends, boyfriend of two years broke up with me recently, and i am so alone. it sucks seeing all the people i know but arent friends with doing fun things on social media. no one cares about me anymore. i don't want to live anymore. i've had enough pain. fuck new years for being so arbitrary but hurting when you're home by yourself.",0.7388528138528123,2.584051889610393,2.2828311688311693,96.9818658008658,82.05194805194805,5.145627705627708,21.305627705627707,6.079149491110277,-0.0056860606060604715,557,17,131,4,15,181,100,154,0.276,0.584,0.14,-0.9697,1,3,2,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,17,4,0,4,0,11,3,0,2,1,19,24,16,1,1,4,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,4,1,2,0,8,10,0,4,1,2,13,7,16,22,2,20,0,4,1,1,3,3,2,0,17,77,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490319996112681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854106857163461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014645644791673,0.08771716004764295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671071592924595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928004805020567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864406756916228,0.14096248514037393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868217621748506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123788687600462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275772152002258,0.10279873820233787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223461027950856,0.13302876597264587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069244153909807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433858800884544,0.0,0.14170775697906274,0.0,0.30808551119954986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919868576609264,0.0,0.2372430667508855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059982327615084,0.0,0.12706207139509032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960511433418517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897485185724076,0.1530341457541659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750709123085334,0.0,0.15311460624788387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975879278906237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781179656479503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218293055085224,0.0,0.14207912073610773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146658203225743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668300467283135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955975570372344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405646723077544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872858517445682,0.08487309946354793,0.11421728818017855,0.11542402575420492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984300946649086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706550867759536
suicidewatch,thepostaldud3,2018/01/01,"None of my friends care. I see no reason to keep going. Holidays did nothing but make me want to die more None of them called. Family didn't visit/call. I just sat alone in my home wishing someone would atleast say ""Happy holidays"" but it didnt happen.

Just told a close friend of mine that i have felt like i dont belong and i should just kill myself. All they said is ""why havent you done it yet then?"".

I dont know what to do anymore.",0.4741304347826088,2.5852485869565243,1.9784347826086977,97.26439130434784,84.86956521739131,4.984347826086957,17.895652173913042,6.2581,-0.3503469565217392,338,8,78,3,10,109,68,92,0.165,0.614,0.221,0.6024,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,2,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,12,0,0,2,1,17,25,4,2,4,5,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,8,1,0,0,8,4,14,5,7,15,4,5,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610670221541853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820616254985264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183485605503838,0.0,0.18320795260396303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649190874283875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183887286425872,0.4211953318127253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939760948105353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253248323310502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776591607814349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212309499387848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890102720530935,0.19128545735900784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024571022883296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971849091900425,0.1988025557077479,0.0,0.09875401455536664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778842634550768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994579404422695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241930409520898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847532862748673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092822496943544,0.14289827726189988,0.0,0.0,0.1431912457238917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225243415031162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170339037402382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598698728570127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621440654393993,0.0,0.2066369124846432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764802917284504,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oct8Agon,2018/01/01,"(insert attractive post title that will encourage people to comment on my post) i want to kms, I could do it too. imagine if i just hang myself that would be rad. i have nothing to live for anyway. No relationship, no friends. is it normal to post this stuff more than once a week? idk... I need to die.",0.4535000000000018,2.891651683333337,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,90.5,5.0,19.166666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.2436666666666665,231,7,48,3,8,76,47,60,0.126,0.713,0.161,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,1,6,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,8,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150242493246885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359299428137201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756325793608592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073425220877408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685603809161898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273257825292644,0.2181267639405087,0.0,0.0,0.2420962536082521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760019061468128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6531504081095297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440645444005836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26023547655155826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408358581280375,0.0,0.18234832190522493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148685712987995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swampnert,2018/01/01,"not really into 2018 i was going to kill myself, but the only pills i have would cause seizures which sounds terrifying. i've been suicidal for five years off and on, and i'm really tired of these thoughts being a near daily occurrence. i don't know what to do and i don't know what i want from posting this. ",4.761666666666667,5.186725761904763,5.723928571428572,82.07732142857144,69.15873015873018,9.474603174603176,25.273809523809533,9.516144504307137,1.8822095238095242,245,6,51,5,4,81,48,63,0.292,0.708,0.0,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,12,14,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,1,6,0,9,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047522244396888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859909387438732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282110746276134,0.0,0.3260738889962335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22562380565717102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841189148593281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800968400313504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244986202440477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355154326578412,0.0,0.3409677967165407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497814789021598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073922656459906,0.0,0.0,0.19103974345251407
suicidewatch,pbeatles,2018/01/01,At a NYE party and sitting by myself I hate being fucking forced to go to these shitty parties where everyone is forced to interact with each other even though nobody gives two shits about anybody. All I wanted was to stay home in bed and sleep the night away but now I'm stuck with these miserable fucks and contemplating offing myself in the bathroom. Fuck this bullshit. ,7.878043478260867,8.304206623188406,7.041847826086958,75.30016304347829,62.47826086956522,9.218840579710145,31.74275362318841,8.841846274778883,2.6410840579710144,303,10,50,4,4,93,56,69,0.3670000000000001,0.591,0.041,-0.9838,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,5,1,3,0,3,5,2,0,1,9,12,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,2,0,4,0,13,9,2,10,0,1,0,3,2,5,4,0,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283054747051147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961963190470476,0.0,0.0,0.2164572468589317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6282645595397318,0.0,0.21730633440791164,0.12874110368430028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364953814815594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722609093086624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125812171566163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252777453439305,0.0,0.0,0.2266916326922163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414487467710846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256264606255108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128497619438994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336121052750408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skajajkanajq,2018/01/01,"I can't. And I won't I won't put this bullet through my brain. I won't put this noose around my neck. I want to talk to someone and work through my problems. I'm not killing my self when the clock ticks to 12. I can't  just lie here and die. To give up is to admit that I was wrong, and they were right. I was not born just to end my own life. That in itself is a paradox. So I say again. To reassure myself. I am not checking out. I will say this again and again if I have to. I'm not gonna tell myself that it's gonna be easy, I'm telling myself that it's gonna be worth it  3..2...1",-1.449906832298133,-0.012453485507245787,1.0803726708074528,104.87347826086958,87.47826086956522,4.232712215320912,16.378881987577643,4.65589566412798,-1.2501465838509316,441,9,127,1,14,150,74,138,0.08900000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.111,0.1818,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,9,4,1,0,2,0,15,3,2,0,0,17,24,8,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,2,0,1,11,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,9,3,0,0,3,2,21,1,14,12,1,14,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,7,82,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833722350095666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361759057155054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957050756207788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873833157329517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295190781205505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340647288970636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494342346680821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243861563361076,0.0,0.4253614332095656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067489270903053,0.0,0.33648910003283705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070787207587345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925788024425204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700474988758419,0.3698333259096636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478619984198405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402144646211566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231312524856752,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AussieO97,2018/01/01,"The honest truth 2017 was a really rough year. Probably the worst year of my life tbh. There were some good memories. But it was mainly filled with loneliness and self destruction. 

I turn 21 in April. Don’t know if I’ll make it. Don’t know if I won’t die that day tbh. Not having a birthday hangout or anything for sure that day though. 

You know I’m hoping that maybe the beginning of 2018 will give me that fresh start I need. But that voice in my head is saying it won’t get any better. 

I’m running out of time. My time is coming, I can feel it. If this year is remotely like 2017, that’ll be it for me. 

I feel suicide pouring within me. In my veins. Poisoning me. It’s almost ready to take me. And there are a lot of times where I feel at peace with it. Where I am starting to say that I’m okay with leaving this world behind. 

This is my last push. There’s no coming back if I fail. The next failure will be my death. 

I love you all. And wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavours. 

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suicidewatch,anon99112233,2018/01/01,"Every Day Is Hard, Every Year Is Even Harder... I'm turning nineteen this year. Young, some of you will say, and I get that. I know I've got a lot of life ahead of me, but still...

Every day is hard. I think about what things I could have accomplished by now, and what things I *should* have accomplished by now. I think of all the things I've failed, and every day drags on and yet goes too fast. I wish the day would end but I wish it would slow down and give me time to breathe and just think.

Every year is even harder. It's 2018. I'm already almost through my teenage years. I'm almost in my twenties, and I'm a nobody. I'm useless. I've never dated a girl, never been found attractive or wanted, and the only friends I have are the few in college that I managed to make.

I'm scared they hate me. I'm scared nobody will like me. I'm scared I'm a freak. I'm scared that I'll grow old and die meaningless. I'm scared because I *am* growing old. I'm almost *twenty*.

I'm *scared.*

I'm just so scared, and so tired, and I just want to be done, but I'm so scared of death that I can't do it myself, so I just sit here and waste away...

Guys I'm so scared...",-0.4241942857142824,1.5354573520000017,1.391342857142856,100.9901,87.48,4.211428571428572,15.728571428571426,5.288315135182226,-1.0420228571428574,878,17,218,4,28,286,117,250,0.265,0.644,0.091,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,1,1,4,18,16,1,9,8,0,20,3,1,1,3,42,51,21,2,8,8,0,2,1,1,5,2,1,0,2,13,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,13,0,0,4,3,23,3,18,40,4,31,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,6,24,121,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318629862568121,0.0,0.08517340016284837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251600359331054,0.0,0.0,0.04705006272263548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162437428205236,0.0,0.0,0.1991066936476726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010380635798889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898504381691962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836126128617949,0.0,0.0,0.1019573354838516,0.0,0.3251501860512572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462721580381223,0.05963142261423135,0.0,0.04032495100970373,0.07404100169857722,0.0,0.0,0.06173032517139464,0.0,0.0,0.07642334093100055,0.0,0.0,0.1382816809954695,0.07620226938635775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241777840305831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545166613222044,0.03770773301564565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656182576234699,0.0,0.0,0.051520276264762736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905663201414315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198122664912015,0.0,0.0,0.058701177333037674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137904860238065,0.6954631589109803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061638472727953024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383093977129267,0.1483673200112733,0.0,0.0,0.045006049329392256,0.08871054648517608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395298015090871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104910945715718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751336597565032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096572294183582,0.0,0.0,0.19881338009347835
suicidewatch,AlcoholicEmbryo,2018/01/01,"I never knew this type of pain was physically possible I'm just shattered as a human being. Every fake smile and laugh chips away at my soul. I don't know if I want to die, all I know is that I want the pain to stop. 

It feels like I'm insane and no one understands what I'm feeling. When someone asks me to explain myself, it ends in them saying ""I just don't understand?!"" and me hating myself even more. 

Sometimes I'll fake my happiness so well I'l believe it myself and start to believe that I'm getting better. I'll wonder why I was ever upset in the first place, that it was all irrational. But all the suffocating pain comes inevitably crashing down. I feel stupid just writing this. I'm an idiot. Why am I writing this? No one will read it. 

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm a monster with a decent being living inside of me or if I'm a decent being with a monster living inside of me. I can't even explain in words the immense pain I bring to myself. To others. I'm such a piece of shit. 2018 starts in 1 minute. God, I feel so alone. ",1.317772657450078,3.283741760368663,3.393917050691244,89.13468509984641,80.70506912442397,5.423655913978496,21.39324116743472,6.42735559955562,0.3797840245775732,810,24,168,7,21,275,114,217,0.254,0.6559999999999999,0.091,-0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,2,11,16,4,1,11,0,13,5,1,0,5,38,42,13,1,5,8,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,13,7,0,1,12,1,0,2,7,11,1,3,4,5,24,5,20,34,5,18,1,0,0,0,9,8,1,5,9,112,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224852704859496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110560363773521,0.0,0.11111240669754778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664848256086645,0.0,0.10459441323308888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187349263945003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273879239108446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047463165370575,0.0,0.0,0.15622379012520612,0.1069760635727435,0.09964205946297727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391902201826877,0.08448743415622574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059483235311026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178777283118534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589364437572392,0.0,0.11676067526857126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998900136746788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777754921485319,0.0,0.20885759063727904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121206534343598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027675230637148,0.0,0.5033626069713887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356013685759075,0.0,0.0,0.13332427337828173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829545635392308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940478442422798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139573458608405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020423959508616,0.0,0.2339311571886257,0.0,0.16741496087533106,0.0,0.0,0.0988735418471586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336747023116664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24623284984939525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950969686898795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633304674277703,0.0,0.2134287425075974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825166954630787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moonlyre,2018/01/01,"dont want to be a burden anymore just quietly crying while listening to them fight in the living room. im tired. i cant escape this house i have to die here, tonight is the best night to do so. i had my last meal, i wrote the note. time to finish it.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT IM SUCH A USELESS PIECE OF SHIT END IT END IT END IT END IT",-1.9632555282555304,-0.096179364864863,0.7471498771498801,101.68789926289926,99.40540540540545,3.771990171990172,14.835380835380835,5.565023196281405,-1.0037135135135131,253,6,64,2,11,86,53,74,0.337,0.586,0.078,-0.9699,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,4,0,5,0,7,4,1,0,0,3,11,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,6,1,7,8,2,12,0,1,0,1,4,2,3,0,10,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947358631055751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991682294882195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987870189487916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878182617316348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209546195280432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6411427295812556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730382502431465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088150527176452,0.0,0.0,0.3909572534503011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475146827028828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597998027305038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982806153198512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576307789426635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552504727026164,0.20799836356899265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674077954568467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alexandraelise,2018/01/01,"Any one else alone on NYE? This is the first time in my life I have no NYE plans. It’s making me feel really sad. I took some Xanax so I could just fall asleep and get the night over with but it doesn’t seem to be working. I’m tempted to make a drink but I’m worried about mixing. 

I can hear people outside my building having fun and it’s making me incredibly lonely. Every year I think, Next year it will be different. It never is. ",-0.3437318840579735,1.878135423913044,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,91.5,4.371014492753623,15.27536231884058,5.985473137389443,-0.6766115942028978,337,7,76,3,12,112,69,92,0.129,0.8220000000000001,0.049,-0.6526,1,3,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,0,10,4,1,3,1,15,21,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,2,0,2,1,2,9,1,7,16,1,12,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760283293284294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287690901028974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774975508912848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951240105124128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582046932073736,0.0,0.0,0.17551368425423794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702042320993902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062341400624858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871308453331286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109769887883941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368007943923631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840161367350727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207351632966725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620440052721608,0.0,0.22344639901782734,0.197166969434455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237089576882125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565862350020528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345970455220297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912694308430707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462520247376675,0.0,0.0,0.12251246102686345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334316151801884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295712689983573,0.2133692937725079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270598251160142
suicidewatch,i-have-a-unique-name,2018/01/01,"Waiting for my date I decided I would kill myself on the 8th of January. I am writing my notes now and planning everything. I’m going to use pills to die.

I feel so alone, like I’m not enough for anyone or anything. I feel like I should just die to rid the world of my existence. I feel like I’m playing tug-of-war with myself. One side is the doubt, the fear of whats after death, the fear of hurting my family, nervousness. The other side is excited to die, ready to just give up. I wish my date was tomorrow, because just waiting every day and pretending to be fine tears me up inside. 

I wish I could talk to a friend without them trying to intervene.",2.0443034825870607,3.8842467388059694,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,77.88059701492537,7.451741293532338,24.59950248756219,8.344100000000001,1.5916189054726368,509,18,106,10,12,172,82,134,0.241,0.591,0.16899999999999998,-0.9378,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,1,5,13,1,4,7,0,8,1,0,1,0,23,21,4,5,5,6,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,3,19,7,20,16,1,13,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,9,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605145976769506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836700832601327,0.0,0.1275369693972456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447558035279513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237405050551364,0.0,0.0,0.09995055981849066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482540499813069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601378211359558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057900776924256,0.0,0.139287815983057,0.0,0.1461032236325114,0.3487956442708896,0.23509064687061396,0.22143832394769586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973869815973605,0.0,0.0,0.14867284336286532,0.08807983437100178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659114217392356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146460534044636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271491101792411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501980487676932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456864996818412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522259540748176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385467562810185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564432712830247,0.1493971042403803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009475641139684,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RaffelWaffels,2018/01/01,January then I'm out... :/ 2016 and 2017 have been the far worst years of my life. I have nothing left to live for. I still think that I'm gonna give myself a month of living before jumping before a train... thoughts on easier ways out?,0.2324999999999981,2.5502272500000025,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,89.0,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.3753166666666661,180,4,40,2,6,58,39,48,0.135,0.807,0.058,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,7,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739093443449803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671306559271631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30255491052590305,0.0,0.19668928247683756,0.0,0.0,0.4917824382683755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226948245543368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671963320706384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238388558272368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784302328148556,0.0,0.22107147390677173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103392403777672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932344043532775
suicidewatch,rubiesandsapp,2018/01/01,"i want to end it all. theres a little more than an hour now until the new year. i dont want to live to see it. im stuck. im stuck... im so unhappy and i get no help, no friends...honestly...im just going to finish the story mode of splatoon 2 and be done....theres alcohol in the house, i can drink to numb the pain and then end it. i dont want to go backt o school. i cant i cant i cant do this anymore i cant fuckign do it,,",-4.210248112189859,-3.0464139611650487,0.045550161812299095,104.92791531823086,110.94174757281552,3.453937432578209,12.518338727076593,5.46131890053228,-1.39397259978425,314,7,92,3,18,117,61,103,0.174,0.753,0.073,-0.8783,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,10,4,0,0,1,8,19,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,0,2,1,9,0,10,16,2,13,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,9,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966212510427086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816369042671534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288707522552605,0.3501890948042856,0.14635417001082987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264646388523826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805482557908727,0.0,0.1698138203033043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001390188442815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712794780905133,0.17238641887814918,0.0,0.0,0.6455063462102538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973707394928354,0.13192207827754193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442905115902992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897109852758814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511997917235549,0.11905168205008272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26435825139996283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620807538148604
suicidewatch,dontmindme787,2018/01/01,Thinking about biking the length of Chile instead of offing myself next month... Who wants to come?  Don't be annoying or overbearing please...,4.74625,8.185084458333336,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,79.41666666666666,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.9205166666666675,113,4,17,2,3,33,23,24,0.0,0.907,0.093,0.3089,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072693854203848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37737893590317656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028208178327929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189848387099856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029467232692526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886561573532626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlowDays_FastWeeks,2018/01/01,"Some terrible years I've had I go to school every day and I hate it, and we finally get Christmas break, and all it does is remind me how much I hate living at home. My parents are lunatics who don't let me leave the house and my brother doesn't stop arguing with them. So surprise, Christmas break was agony and in two days I have to go back to the torture that is school. So there is no enjoyment or fulfilment I'll find from anything this lifestyle brings. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep from dying before I graduate and ditch this shit town.",2.917017543859646,4.3512092982456165,3.8412280701754398,90.08359649122808,74.43859649122807,7.171929824561403,25.824561403508767,7.793537801064563,1.2715508771929829,436,15,94,6,9,140,81,114,0.221,0.69,0.08900000000000001,-0.9582,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,0,5,9,5,0,2,0,11,1,1,1,2,18,19,11,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,2,0,11,3,9,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,3,6,58,17,3,0.18059049724737214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486105919269982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886294519709091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366921203889594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293186169094485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742442458026728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580359611190607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521552827351904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782806254072785,0.16505644281138884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943510812138508,0.0,0.2052674825906476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565914565313096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811469931882385,0.0,0.0,0.2083771872791795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051713158559494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121926137563994,0.0,0.1846660188159668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946471764071413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327547944857492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052437574873436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655344489616954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853735502692493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509817420059834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020440645490106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641067498512136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162943593352786
suicidewatch,verneuilt,2018/01/01,"im so sorry im so tired of living. ending my life is the only option. talking about the past doesnt help. how do you cope when theres only anger. you dont....death will be my only escape, my only hope",-2.3020454545454534,-0.7344639318181834,1.036818181818184,97.42522727272728,108.77272727272728,2.2,7.772727272727272,3.1291,-2.187445454545454,153,1,34,0,8,54,34,44,0.222,0.6829999999999999,0.095,-0.7306,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,6,2,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,3,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447724733593112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498049209896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998879854318913,0.0,0.0,0.20743672400290825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511910487084706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751803359445154,0.0,0.0,0.1844197541830444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6353640916247336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937244646129032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379222295376745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678669731038337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400441453895917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,King_marik,2018/01/01,"Not doing another year Like what's the point. I have no job, I have no girlfriend, it's new years eve everyone else in my house is partying and I'm crying in my room. Nobody cares, nobody wants to be around the sad guy so fuck it. They don't have to be anymore.

I'm going to wait until they are asleep and then drink everything they didn't and take all the pills I can find. I'm fucking done, it doesn't get better and no one can help me.

Happy fucking new years.",0.7424242424242422,2.7106430909090906,2.4548383838383856,95.09559090909092,82.73737373737373,5.576161616161617,17.980808080808078,6.742157984588678,-0.13133616161616146,362,8,83,4,10,119,66,99,0.174,0.6940000000000001,0.132,-0.5422,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,2,8,3,0,3,0,14,6,1,0,1,10,26,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,4,5,1,1,1,1,0,1,7,4,0,1,2,0,9,4,7,22,1,14,0,1,0,3,6,5,3,0,9,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904345008839445,0.0,0.0,0.16933545774623712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200131307180692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101212665871447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408826986139847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875579105521189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473378796273398,0.0,0.1672673669269369,0.0,0.0,0.1426374739195789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315637904739905,0.15345667908136218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560599548088505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473559430815065,0.08920842603657371,0.0,0.09703963538529813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906668913919926,0.0,0.1817636944683353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444832769363812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701947937375705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694403658345386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341851453021289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298176463911357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570280128537602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141140540891089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283807329631542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071119174763736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298670228182489
suicidewatch,PDouble00,2018/01/01,"I'm at my own New Year's Party but I decided to turn off the lights to my room and lock myself in the bathroom. I live a good life and am fortunate to have a wonderful family and talents and gifts, but for some reason I still see life as painful and am wishing that there would be some supernatural way for me to just stop living. I don't want to kill myself because I think my family would go through the same pain and sadness I am going through, also I don't like pain. I still have a few hours before people leave and I am just waiting for everyone to leave. I want to cry but there are no more tears left. I don't know what to do. I need help.

[Sorry about grammar]",3.0904255319148923,3.9104674397163137,4.470702127659576,88.12350000000002,73.18439716312056,7.625815602836879,24.738297872340425,7.908726449838941,1.1095412765957442,523,15,117,7,10,174,85,141,0.222,0.6,0.17800000000000002,-0.5367,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,6,0,14,5,0,1,0,28,27,12,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,2,7,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,2,18,3,18,24,6,14,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,3,7,82,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279689303079055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598220596870773,0.0,0.12002237270021435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493578396527122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477843414991136,0.0,0.0,0.2659370266930802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603228777700348,0.11830527073202705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454222070681816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389049251174971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604990154780524,0.0,0.07751688198349906,0.0,0.0,0.2987012056842933,0.1532502309428437,0.0,0.19925426370481555,0.06890945259472496,0.0,0.2490978318853329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045861006927682,0.0,0.1362260740129948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502584763599022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778566775440516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502193913547815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239784980716944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789288980298993,0.0,0.0,0.22528394442040675,0.1179233411139182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037855091669687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534208885878809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638879588244235,0.11195818916345833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219947341509108,0.0,0.1529617033414021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003944296820478,0.0,0.0,0.09083097878798588
suicidewatch,watcherintgeweb,2018/01/01,"Just another whiny paragraph I feel the need to end it again.  But I won’t.  I never do.  I lack the spine to do it.  I’m tired of going through this.  I’m not fun and I don’t have what it takes to keep this up.  My life is fine, but I am not.  Ungrateful, unremarkable, unkind, untalented, creepy...  ",-1.1966845878136212,0.8630919838709694,1.5611827956989262,96.1395519713262,96.90322580645164,5.336200716845879,16.566308243727597,6.937597516519254,-0.06769390681003573,221,6,54,4,9,76,43,62,0.065,0.784,0.151,0.6219,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,1,11,14,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,6,13,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026307801404204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34008746903647313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414906244323227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822157739048784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412942099812257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27121257011001604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847122529703244,0.2961448332864685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887010646992905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44132224396341296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justendmeplease9,2018/01/01,"I need a pretty good reason to go on. Everything is going downhill. At age 28 I'm stuck in a stupid part time job despite having a degree. Which means I'll probably be stuck in poverty forever. I'm trapped in my childhood home with my neurotic disabled mother. I'm $2000 in debt with a low income and my mother won't let me handle it on my own. I'm too poor to move out. Rents are just too high. I don't even have enough money to move to another place. And why would I when I can't get a job? I can't get a job that pays well enough and there's just no other way to increase my income to above the poverty level. I'll probably end up homeless some time in the future.

I can't do another year of this. I won't go back to the hospital just to plunge deeper into debt. Besides people are better off without me. My kill date is set for first week of January.",1.1067103580562687,2.8439599076086988,3.381176470588237,90.09911764705885,80.3586956521739,6.2859335038363175,21.69309462915601,7.285733465282438,0.6784984654731465,669,20,147,9,17,230,111,184,0.171,0.738,0.091,-0.9195,9,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,2,0,9,0,16,0,0,1,0,16,29,4,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,6,6,8,3,1,1,2,0,15,3,26,22,6,36,0,1,0,0,2,16,0,1,12,91,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28916850056067905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602491113984502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194791323229295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212501916328355,0.2849437443863221,0.0,0.0910716194781504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392198030441992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172847526767646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407824905987088,0.0,0.23508935271411446,0.11565124040481173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568287679860198,0.1383097112679953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104882069014799,0.0,0.15254911778133248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099656468990115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501969851829237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930994727981425,0.0,0.1022398427337924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493158172010858,0.0,0.09559196897681607,0.0,0.14406028374480068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027842671436505,0.2973263019366493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417685538704298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080348821553728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944654764840712,0.11060288101526533,0.0,0.12397500743195845,0.0,0.12441959837086244,0.0,0.0,0.13291604063535445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979494160299892,0.0,0.0,0.0887932997322487
suicidewatch,aleg448,2018/01/01,"Feeling certain that I should go with it I'm honestly tired, tired of failing,  tired of being a failure and a disappointment, tired of not loving those I should, and tired of hurting those around me, I'm tired of antidepressants that don't work, and of coke that takes the edge  off wanting to end it for just a few hours,  tired of the oblivion of alcohol, and of the mistakes you can claim on the next morning,  tired of the everlasting physical fatigue,  tired of the eternal overwhelming emotions, tired of my aspergers,  tired of my anxiety,  tired of my depression,  and tired of being disappointed every morning I successfully wake up, and each of those mornings makes me more tired than the one before it, I'm tired, of being tired",21.48,9.021055222222227,18.042962962962967,45.85333333333337,52.33333333333333,21.555555555555557,64.25925925925927,14.554592549557764,8.372037037037037,585,26,103,12,3,184,71,135,0.418,0.528,0.054000000000000006,-0.996,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,3,2,12,0,1,10,0,7,21,1,1,1,18,16,6,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,18,0,0,0,9,9,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,0,1,9,4,25,11,3,9,0,7,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,72,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696875745369005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04077955601182022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474543536035801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453601604785042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045913068637525686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059962974981693916,0.047214002409659686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044913278014163775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026953519716555213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030295482835473907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052496460058508936,0.0,0.05706603180403911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811146814080163,0.0,0.03558270286336294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669238643978106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03612206719903256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008007940722383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9802931956985622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03144173170907154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03880798520379053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sheusetocallmemuffin,2018/01/01,"Waited 2 years. Finally the day came and nothing. What am i doing.... why do i want to die. I was a murder-suicide survivor at the age of 12. My father threatens not only his own life, But my mothers and my own with a 9mm cz75 luger pistol.... i only could weep as i had no idea what was going on... how does a 12 year old kid cope with this? He doesnt... the memories haunt his subconscious.. nightmares of the CZ’s triggered being pulled- ending everything he ever knew. As i grew older the memory has become harder to oppress. I met a girl. I loved her. She loved me. Certain circumstances tore us apart- but we promised it didnt matter- in the end we would be strong enough. I waited two years. The day came- i anticipated this day, still i was nervous. I went. There was nothing left. The person i fell in love with had died and this person was someone i didnt even know. Driving home- i wanted to let go of the wheel. I cried. I screamed. I got home - now i realize the years of sadness that my heart had felt- but my brain made invisible. The very moment i had waited years for- had triggered my true feelings towards my own self worth.  Now its 2018 an every goal i set for myself has gone.. unachieved to say the least. This morning my anger bested me and i lashed out to my family members. I try to justify it - but only to realize its all apart of my own demons that have been growing inside me all these years.  The words “ i want to kill myself “ appear in my head. Why. Why do i have these thoughts. In reality, my family gave me a wonderful life. Im so ungrateful. I wish i was different. I wish she would talk to me. I want to die. I dont want to die. Someone help me",0.015756570713392648,2.36615505,2.085394242803506,92.99597622027537,92.61764705882356,4.893617021276596,19.292866082603254,6.56484139541529,0.2404436795994997,1287,41,273,17,47,428,188,340,0.153,0.7070000000000001,0.14,-0.865,1,0,0,1,0,5,64.0,3,0,0,3,8,14,2,1,19,0,30,8,3,4,5,51,60,12,5,10,5,2,2,0,0,2,2,2,2,5,14,12,0,3,9,0,1,12,6,6,0,1,25,4,58,8,31,29,9,44,1,2,0,3,25,11,0,2,20,180,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941431218817614,0.0,0.0,0.08945624849828376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515829355111534,0.0,0.1949883406914392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805882248724003,0.0,0.09363436418746417,0.16492216688034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538710648820917,0.08905977555053064,0.0,0.0,0.07459587241111741,0.0,0.09990302099209608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099826979452038,0.088077800695327,0.0,0.05630155500814873,0.07710629377214498,0.0718200843480226,0.0,0.07661003758148739,0.0,0.1607171937368114,0.0,0.04310093017277905,0.0,0.0818457138167864,0.09337847416581964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689001688639348,0.0,0.06817583613409843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748291220040698,0.0,0.0,0.10101221261913816,0.057135933986290015,0.0,0.1710094069203293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622787297813068,0.09207601694738013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430767340500447,0.0,0.046846788860258136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926157119334785,0.08716574810391953,0.12041792939082227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308027727717778,0.08065806717291163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358404811689647,0.0,0.0894471682610544,0.0,0.0,0.1944912084437064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488601003707024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778788136891045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892602493218317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445058599822558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807439300845143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932409423815814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851431252751189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767264794502867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057873741013854174,0.0,0.08326907439272724,0.0,0.10253566310983524,0.0,0.0,0.07033359968135965,0.2513897808440177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902021318860901,0.2307530129114319,0.0,0.19604824884311825,0.0,0.09244134228290396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110698077465396,0.0,0.0,0.32935842436158475
suicidewatch,TripForget,2018/01/01,"I’m losing hope Most of my friends have abandoned me for no reason and I can’t get myself out of bed to do anything, I never been depressed until recently and it’s hit me hard, I don’t go to school half the time, I’m just about done with it all",-0.4044848484848522,1.497518036363637,1.9304545454545448,97.54901515151516,86.81818181818181,4.393939393939394,18.25757575757576,5.46131890053228,-0.5463333333333336,192,5,46,1,6,65,43,55,0.158,0.688,0.154,0.1939,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,2,11,12,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,1,7,2,9,9,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25168025799363564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634195409704997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31298050196077865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362912227496859,0.0,0.15978877517388068,0.0,0.1738159181866931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739725639088098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30376812531527403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34215672541982944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358826598610061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144544541447747,0.3019800998884625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095264046368677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833776155185654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alex-Wilkinson72,2018/01/01,"Give me one reason I should not end it I am a worthless prick who doesn't deserve the air he breaths, no one would cry if I just disappeared.",0.997,2.9959167000000018,2.0766666666666684,97.985,82.0,5.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.33733333333333393,111,4,26,1,3,35,27,30,0.385,0.615,0.0,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,2,1,0,6,5,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372952268416797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35259930056392796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38189472986287504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53952704618392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093141051616855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827995100385031,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LardCrayon,2018/01/01,"Some psycho girl from Tinder ruined my life I met this girl who I’m pretty sure was a psychopath. Went to end it about 6 months in when I caught onto her lies and so she told me she was pregnant by me. She refused to see me for months while “pregnant” but kept contact. 

she tells me that I have twins (sent pics and everything) and every time I tried to involve myself some tragedy or emergency happens so I can’t  meet them. Come to find out she lied and there was never any babies. It was all some sick game. I told my family about the babies and everything. Beyond effing embarrassing. 

I’d rather just end it then explainthis heap of crazy to everyone. I’m so stupid. ",1.9829323308270688,4.383102443609026,2.842819548872182,91.60152255639099,80.95488721804512,5.604511278195488,20.026315789473685,6.868970318607317,0.3208436090225564,527,14,107,6,14,166,91,133,0.241,0.733,0.025,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,10,4,1,1,2,0,6,2,0,0,3,20,18,13,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,1,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,11,1,20,1,15,7,4,17,0,1,1,0,20,4,0,4,9,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887146828812105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759109428923461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617432332814423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172057796171797,0.19513374666770006,0.3670659635272953,0.0,0.19251332278637776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866464790677665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058439452112898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424129224185733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260008575106382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575012302219693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077574766700405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627308826415893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246781673907687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784906817430502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907792143772132,0.0,0.0,0.3902674933354001,0.0,0.13864684823828466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930698644650049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bookcaseboss,2018/01/01,i dont think i can do another year my insides feel like theyre already decomposed. like for christs sake its like theres a big cavity where my intestines should be and the creeping dread and obsession with death is all that i can feel now. i cant really differentiate the days anymore and it all feels like one hazy blur. i dont want to stick around for another year of this. im ready to be dead.,1.2762872628726285,3.610749609756102,2.7852845528455283,91.32136856368568,83.39024390243901,7.059078590785908,22.52574525745257,8.167268648758528,1.2486216802168029,316,11,70,7,9,103,58,82,0.17,0.687,0.14300000000000002,-0.5142,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,10,1,1,0,2,14,15,3,2,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,7,4,7,12,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676526760215667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119477323571749,0.0,0.0,0.194805668098406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486424721018778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668102848835194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604287351216272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979625625673765,0.2806591046150538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121779881985442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838628878114174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310597677086708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583801708864506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586434170045288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585943815019528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529888172625167
suicidewatch,aleclightw00d,2018/01/01,"sick im so. broken. and fucked up. i was looking back at old pictures and fuck i miss how things were and now im alone and touch starved and unloved

the guy im in love with doesnt give a fuck about me and he breaks my heart every fucking day i have no one and im just so fucking. broken!!

im already drinking tonight and i might just. fucking end it. im so done being so fucking depressed and annoying wveryone with my daily panic attacks

i even. told people i might kill myself (indirectly, on my snap story last night) and not a single person messaged me and i know thats shallow to wish people cared but fuck no one does so im gonna fucking do it",-0.8871146245059301,1.2122673768115997,1.3070882740447978,96.86383399209488,99.86956521739133,3.0888010540184454,20.040843214756254,4.851557810540192,-0.36656231884057977,510,19,110,2,22,169,86,138,0.29,0.667,0.043,-0.9837,0,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,12,18,12,1,3,0,9,13,1,1,0,23,27,18,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,13,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,16,0,2,4,2,13,2,8,19,1,13,0,2,1,10,7,4,9,3,8,66,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199452137891715,0.08736422870404062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006541263438342,0.0,0.060875564508014825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071739603007559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105702803657716,0.0,0.06818757279141045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928074535676093,0.0810166955766307,0.0,0.07755483071834048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011964831841387,0.0,0.0,0.05228994004134591,0.0,0.06670273856164302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6587086680448279,0.0,0.07594548290315006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838910061894046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381486071803784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5986077264312382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875880353051134,0.0,0.043508847673531366,0.06453276124450001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648146416113594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145251522724907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679701897212941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429412141660444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307385230411073,0.0,0.1072930283077237,0.0,0.0,0.09288698588883897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977071353016037,0.06912673834502593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052595925403319296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564873884315737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103968066009722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rui-tan,2018/01/01,"I know this sub is full of these posts today for a good reason but... I guess I had to give a last personal vent before I go This subreddit is buzzing at this time of year. For someone who keeps on deleting almost all her whining-posts and threads I'm probably nothing among all these people so it's okay I guess.  
  
I was supposed to off it this night. Right now. I'm literally sitting on my couch with the knife in my hands, shaking. I'm not sure if I'm cold or if it's the anticipation or anxiety.  
I'm afraid that everyone will blame alcohol. Because I had to drink some to get more numb and get more courage. I'm such a wimp. This is the downside of doing your best to cover your tracks of any sign of depression or any other mental illnesses. Nobody will ever think that *you* could do such a thing, after all, you were such a happy-looking person with always smile on face. Joke's on you. You've never seen me smile genuinely.  
  
I want to apologize so many people. I'm afraid that some people will thinn that I ended up ghosting them because no one will contact them after I'm gone.  
  
I need strength to go through with this. I want to see the blood. I was planning for this for so long. This is *my* deadline. I've been wanting to do this for so many years.  
  
I'm so sorry but I really am not strong enough for this place.  
  
edit/// i'm still here. thanks. i got to talk to someone. thank you so much.",0.5745644599303148,2.942619836236936,2.2038188153310116,93.86740069686412,87.57142857142857,5.091846689895472,20.39512195121951,6.610729790773281,0.27670202090592344,1091,35,235,13,35,355,157,287,0.081,0.825,0.094,0.5406,0,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,0,6,2,4,13,16,0,3,9,1,19,7,3,1,6,35,49,15,1,7,9,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,22,5,2,1,3,2,0,4,4,6,0,1,9,5,27,10,37,35,11,33,0,1,2,0,16,13,0,10,14,152,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286344172171397,0.12052894558735508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015397435129324,0.0,0.0,0.163705720887173,0.0,0.09207949508497523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467477291135311,0.0,0.1024224165810795,0.0,0.1263164640282985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610228404204477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036708731384855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791264430650933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660835791253184,0.12437003037788205,0.0,0.0,0.1088777424397741,0.0,0.11501466450032245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577230815128115,0.11546582758677235,0.13681329742959386,0.1009571086627204,0.09626751285906243,0.0,0.2651929618371133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698663903800336,0.0,0.0,0.0661498868915973,0.09811417873342296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651993089587684,0.10107694342183858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406402505683655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130039964846133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848270049379431,0.08924970347404487,0.09283351271482744,0.0,0.0,0.11295513421305226,0.0,0.1154942157559728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156297013504442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503394368835745,0.2101975192273515,0.12575662542916466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305542972430401,0.0,0.1297746728346125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710940318872885,0.1237560725501586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027917216236208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591594580888464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039710758769586,0.0,0.0,0.13473964037509342,0.0,0.0,0.09612427035619857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134433266791709,0.0,0.0,0.09674545757383393,0.0,0.2216332839801639,0.0,0.0,0.07996567830283043,0.07712553404610123,0.0,0.0,0.07018625643917023,0.0,0.11409268895845452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298457341193625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502323672815824
suicidewatch,syobear,2018/01/01,"Broken Hearted, Ignored, and Tired I'm getting really tired of all the passive suicidal thoughts in my head. They seem to get louder and louder, and especially this time of year. Everyone is so happy spending time with all their friends and family, and it sucks because I don't have people like that who I can spend time with. My family is so dysfunctional and they just ignore me. I could disappear and they'd never even notice a thing. Same goes for my friends. I was offline for three days and nobody even noticed I was gone. I only get attention when other people need to vent. When I need it though? I'm just unimportant. I'm not special to anyone.

I'm still recovering from a nasty break up in April. It was long distance, but still very much abusive and toxic. My ex always liked to gaslight me and manipulate me. He'd tell me the classic ""If you leave, nobody else will love you"" and he'd threaten to kill himself if I ever broke up with him because I supposedly meant so much to him, and it was 9 month of pressure and hell + 1 suicide attempt from me and him cheating before I finally cut him off, but the words and scars still remain. I feel a lot better about it now, but that lingering voice of ""no one will ever love you again"" rings like a bell in my head. I met someone and started to get feelings for him, and it helped me get my mind off my ex and it was great!! Until my friends pressured me into telling him how I feel, and I got rejected. Like my crush had the right to reject me of course and I'm not upset with him about it, but it just feels like a painful reminder that maybe my ex was right? Maybe no one will love me again and I'm just gonna die alone?

I know a relationship won't fix my depression. I know my happiness isn't dependent on finding somebody. But be it romantic or platonic, the fact remains that I've never felt so alone. I'm always the one checking in on others, making sure they're okay, letting them know they're valued and that someone cares. But I never get the same. It's just really wearing me down, and for the past month my mind has just been awry with fantasies about dying. It feels so comforting to know that I could just end it all and never have to feel this shitty ever again. Logically I know that things get better, but emotionally I'm not so sure. It's just getting harder and harder to fight these thoughts, and I guess this is my cry for help.",4.589465767634857,5.315140257261412,5.291428941908716,83.95361644190875,69.66390041493776,8.18267634854772,28.133039419087137,8.278499904357787,1.7705454356846473,1892,63,385,26,32,613,222,482,0.207,0.639,0.155,-0.9723,0,3,0,0,1,1,53.0,0,3,5,3,33,38,6,3,14,1,28,10,4,4,13,102,74,47,5,6,21,3,7,5,3,5,3,2,0,0,30,32,0,2,19,1,3,2,12,16,0,4,15,9,62,22,44,47,8,47,1,4,0,3,35,14,2,7,35,262,92,0,0.0,0.08425749075721775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730361743070453,0.0,0.0,0.11834372639921438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049723989492505984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669986995725,0.0,0.060512079143772476,0.0,0.0,0.12578765896625352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250462729009924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135561767036804,0.0,0.07811448991203106,0.045862118581635664,0.0,0.061249678436301476,0.0,0.14760850873376594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940593753027745,0.0799927568489935,0.06298517069536183,0.0,0.0,0.09393917049323006,0.19297783007185848,0.0,0.06795169176103613,0.0,0.0,0.13407835593040618,0.0,0.2157417656047771,0.05080327058622991,0.06827980562226413,0.07790101360247531,0.06499615894473534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482560129082688,0.0,0.29722961511732965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056875707013710884,0.0784025329046083,0.0783391860431033,0.0,0.0,0.15140260665225105,0.0,0.0,0.14596527934706024,0.0,0.0,0.08426946166721548,0.09533133220301296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867619828200438,0.0,0.19540972203908066,0.0,0.0,0.07529859055467553,0.0,0.0727180454529091,0.0,0.1737115404134394,0.0,0.0,0.062932927223582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045788330096299,0.1925472663994826,0.0,0.04746860039962896,0.0,0.1428854967878236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436080810763609,0.0,0.11352372494092615,0.0,0.10455274057894652,0.10545904501099808,0.21938747614481796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192565539500312,0.0,0.0,0.14456439523976347,0.05408477849555946,0.0756694382435366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678855777159372,0.09860185119087617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111384917952388,0.0,0.0,0.07634894283469709,0.0,0.12146053572733645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473876899339727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050793467400972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033427540127161,0.0,0.17037323418825248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557255535952955,0.0,0.1340466626640977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431210895238333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448887491178788,0.0,0.06986833909339732,0.1129118443019255,0.12440000283795538,0.1634682803600422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058675821750514424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045794556910264315
suicidewatch,Pret_zel,2018/01/01,"My fear of causing someone else to commit suicide makes me want to kill myself. Basically, I used to be a really shitty person. I treated people like garbage and told them to kill themselves. It's years later now, and I'm terrified that one of them has or will kill themselves. I'm especially scared since it's New Years, and a lot of people kill themselves today. Knowing how I used to hurt people so much makes me wanna die. After all I've done, I deserve it. I've hurt so many people so badly that I don't deserve to be happy. (I've apologized to some of them, but not all. I'm too much of a coward)
For the past three days I haven't felt very guilty or suicidal, which is bad.
I NEED to feel terrible. I MUST feel suicidal. I'm not allowed to feel okay after what I did. So on the days where I don't hate myself, I hate myself for NOT hating myself. I need to feel like shit about myself again. I've been feeling too good lately, and it's gonna mess up my suicide plan (I have a suicide journal and a set date to go through with it). I have to want to die. I'm such an awful person that I don't even feel guilt everyday.

I don't want to die right now, when I should want to die. I wanted to die three days ago. But I don't now. Why can't I just want to kill myself? Why don't I feel guilty right now?? Why don't I hate myself right now, like I should?
Instead I'm just being selfish and using this subreddit as a cry for help for MYSELF, instead of the people I hurt. I shouldn't be crying for help in the first place. When my guilt bounces back again I am going to feel like complete shit for using this subreddit for my own attention.

And to all you people on here who are suicidal because of bullying, I'm so sorry.",1.9627380952380944,3.3901358049450563,3.729912087912087,89.93175457875458,76.93956043956044,6.391794871794873,22.023443223443227,7.03164865440522,0.5395175091575095,1339,36,294,14,30,450,155,364,0.306,0.5429999999999999,0.151,-0.9981,1,0,0,0,0,10,45.0,0,1,3,2,27,31,11,4,11,2,27,2,2,9,5,56,66,20,16,13,9,0,9,4,0,6,0,0,0,2,13,8,0,0,11,0,0,2,13,23,0,4,5,9,44,8,44,51,8,38,0,3,0,0,11,9,2,4,30,191,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518572711223802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478706216420754,0.10396145147632008,0.03795036303000245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395352745343065,0.0,0.0,0.06527368676106016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676944390005502,0.1204489038119406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230567990197586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637089711115447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052006465442758186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041119157672476536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005472352714809,0.25182593174890405,0.08895065530361372,0.05977502416694781,0.0,0.0,0.05295447984265101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076244840242697,0.05221694328565071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627211654382785,0.0,0.2458575924942215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345707247362655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993733816660952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443823258437129,0.0,0.03421398391776873,0.0,0.07022689357244871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165953235116145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292738317666199,0.0,0.0,0.08311203320513849,0.06311728576259458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152988263325283,0.09232329979129507,0.0,0.06012673092879981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042185924717587635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942990041603465,0.25896066856633976,0.10871816839513014,0.06504372663610476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988245490020685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949752036342751,0.0,0.0,0.06232859645752619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780871203318508,0.05149837673441625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274886653381952,0.0,0.0,0.06968991339976081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085843466416129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901091609659885,0.059487779442015276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507498612362408,0.0,0.051367291268457765,0.2203193720161737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852766357751395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018097652970285
suicidewatch,yagirltripp,2018/01/01,"even when im not depressed, i want to die. its just gotten to a point where i dont care to even try to get better.
i spent years begging mental health services to help me, but they all said no; and with no money to pay for private psychiatrists and whatever, ive just been left to my own devices.
2017 was a real trip. the year started off great, my mental health was improving and during the end of 2016 i made a bunch of new friends who i absolutely adore and who stuck with me through anything. (i really do love and appreciate them so much)
but as time went on, i only got worse and worse.
i feel so selfish whenever i talk about this kinda stuff (thinking that everyone must think im terrible for not being thankful for all that i have, because i know im lucky, but my mind is so irrational) and im always comparing myself to others. 'oh they have it worse i should just shut up' 'im just being dramatic' because really, this year hasnt been the worst ive ever had -in terms of events that occurred. sure, i lost a few friends that i wholeheartedly cherished, but it could be so much worse.
im losing my point i think. i just mean, nothing seems worth it anymore, even when i feel happy, ive got this demanding idea in my head that just wont quit.
",3.389564857024453,4.625715519685041,4.536282635723168,86.35030460008291,72.93700787401575,7.70957314546208,25.966846249481968,8.20500826718156,1.484885039370079,978,32,206,15,19,321,146,254,0.183,0.623,0.194,0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,4,18,18,0,0,7,0,21,4,1,1,5,43,44,18,1,4,12,0,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,16,9,0,0,9,0,4,2,7,6,0,0,14,3,31,12,24,23,9,24,0,3,0,1,11,10,0,3,12,136,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299407331670221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699944381902723,0.0,0.0,0.07219004785741008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695246561460424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758546971848604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944129513651694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004112630281234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755572543545241,0.0,0.09104450769392974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281282948513844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769814771749092,0.0,0.0,0.17382423826579482,0.07935211723430992,0.0,0.08382481980780265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871260429362553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555194844894924,0.0,0.04583259497123958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032309625584505,0.09671691789979207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338469648178667,0.0,0.0,0.090030968489285,0.18649475165233115,0.0,0.0,0.0588000941320014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903063789233002,0.5685471211624724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821126395564216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531326784817423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814162850793334,0.09576199804297016,0.0,0.07917507026992816,0.08300734076405447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955580406162438,0.0,0.0,0.17681196023691764,0.0,0.0885770553108795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289756650984151,0.0,0.0,0.08472517268276325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417432565358447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671867460899347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658566101101743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330613869166893,0.0,0.09985004453183001,0.11239752523495433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344638755775027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986137658697992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062092075360031786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042392485060184,0.0,0.0,0.08267959967185343,0.0,0.0,0.07050988309692728,0.0,0.08076522317289682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863155725616688,0.0,0.0,0.051153044914382884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955939077152837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174236858015968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132178210188966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575963228693557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694757134824808
suicidewatch,therealloserinlife,2018/01/01,2017 was the worst year for me I’ve posted on here before and I got some words of encouragement that actually helped out. But things just keep getting worse. I’m still at a job I can’t stand that makes me too exhausted to do anything in my free time. My girlfriend who was my best friend in the whole world who meant everything to me finally dumped me. I need her more than anything and she left me. She said she wasn’t happy with me. I just don’t know what to do to make things better. I have no real friends I can hang out with. I’m so lonely without her I feel so alone without having a special someone. I just want to die. I’ve planned multiple ways to do it but I’m too afraid. My parents and whole family already know I want to kill myself I don’t want to put them through that. I just wanted her to stay with me. I truly loved her and she left,0.7600087719298259,2.864208761111115,2.2647368421052647,95.69921052631581,83.6111111111111,5.345029239766082,20.029239766081872,6.5966054737557815,0.05105555555555563,667,19,153,7,19,216,103,180,0.13,0.7190000000000001,0.151,0.4574,2,3,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,3,10,15,2,1,4,0,12,2,0,2,0,32,31,8,2,5,8,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,4,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,6,2,33,10,24,25,6,19,0,1,0,1,19,9,0,1,4,105,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.13033741277597435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833012939542394,0.1473891774465402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982057376398456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365157059882736,0.0,0.1401652588224363,0.11812488684695632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861644723431793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003706757512599,0.0,0.12591052852930668,0.0,0.06753304698744697,0.0,0.0,0.1463108303736591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637960471870986,0.0,0.06978072201565964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682186965793948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217941510406393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952390816392908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253984619887968,0.11871619481008287,0.14776675384512514,0.0,0.14680455297036255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902313801909381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054507436341108,0.0,0.1783075731616523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903465778192352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830498539567313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791564027020255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426687244264254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202299160889995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704821049369627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316679445752928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423595037703928,0.10666292266205307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746554390117986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788117626036667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151137168287874,0.10601543490237067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982347893233749,0.0,0.2574983342320777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611126325940662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600965941631421
suicidewatch,g-dubya-b,2018/01/01,I feel like I'm out of options My dad is on one of his tirades of emotional and verbal abuse and I really really want to just end my life right now ,0.6263636363636387,2.1780104242424265,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,81.12121212121212,8.036363636363637,20.090909090909093,8.841846274778883,1.127836363636364,116,3,28,3,3,41,26,33,0.116,0.7190000000000001,0.165,-0.0589,0,0,0,0,1,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,6,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,17,5,0,0.0,0.4154068545210779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943808343742216,0.3105299173390361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727525357743332,0.2504706304917006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476410472169987,0.17128676382040595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757745518172305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492101194899591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994127800477826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679454929278696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isuckatguitar1,2018/01/01,"Killing my self is the only option I feel Like dying is the only option.all my friends and clasmates have an idea of what to do in life and i feel Left behind by life.the only thing i think of when somone asks me what i want to do in life is kill myself .i always told myself that i whould do it after i graduate highschool but i feel   so presured right Now by evryone as the exams are coming and my depresion is the worst its ever been.my friend’s are abandoning me one by one because i isolated myself and i started to loose enjoyment in evrything .reading started to feel boring,all video games make me motion sick ,i dont feel anything playing guitar anymore,i lost intrest in all the music i used to love and i cant seem to get Any enjoyment from Any new genere i try and i fucking love music i used to get through days by finding new artists and exploring their discography but Any music i listen to seems dull",7.653879781420763,6.359878868852463,7.4930054644808735,77.55732240437159,63.59016393442622,9.881967213114756,36.72677595628414,8.515128840125781,3.0130939890710384,735,30,139,8,9,235,108,183,0.162,0.71,0.128,-0.7174,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,15,3,0,6,0,12,6,0,3,2,29,36,12,3,1,2,0,5,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,11,6,0,3,2,7,0,2,2,6,27,8,23,34,2,18,0,3,0,3,10,6,1,3,10,91,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103430582851328,0.0,0.0,0.25359220495934043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229130101510164,0.0,0.11620711983815672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577434271895835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707657575851268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016556179232813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900754908331244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568293554606768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243975521713476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142582661656102,0.08880254234621379,0.0,0.0,0.11361127129078065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207336154372326,0.11491670841619135,0.12988703866124576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032367467563678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750471120837846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505626414666275,0.0,0.26339800246013595,0.060728477696755476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569210242067387,0.0,0.22437776913155816,0.0,0.08297364221755647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401064523344653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684627214205838,0.28361554938586864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433727426032674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615462590162576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632272326719674,0.1296758018917986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759655065986614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258181233979903,0.07964875074381095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877745104744995,0.0,0.0843940092922533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471686181134345,0.0,0.0,0.0733175050683134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alaskangirl14,2018/01/01,"Please help, I want to kill myself Hello I'm sorry for being so negative, but I am just trying to be real here. my fake name is Marie and I am 14 years old. I have had major depression and Anxiety since I was 12  
I have no friends, only a few fake ones who just want nudes or sex from me. I don't do drugs I don't drink I don't have sex. I sit at home thinking about how great my life was before my mother went insane. My parents divorced, this sounds selfish but I lived in a big nice house and had lots of friends. Was on the states best soccer team and traveled. I had a whole family who loved me. That all came crashing down. When I was 12, My mother would threaten to kill herself and pretend to leave the house in front of me and my 5year old sister. I was very close with my mom so I would sob and sob begging her to come back. She also would fake faint and was always on  tons and tons of pain medicine, to the point where she would be passed out on the couch with white crust around her mouth and drooling. She told me her depression was my fault and I was a daughter From hell. 
That's the back story. Now. With no friends, no team, and living in a fire hazard of a house in one of the most dangerous cities in the us and in the most dangerous area I live here with my grandmother and dad. Occasionally I get to see my sister but the other one hates me. I get so bored and lonely and I have such a fear of rejection because all relationships I have trusted were torn away. I am self conscious about myself but act cocky. I am smart but I have no motivation, so my grades were like a 2.0gpa. I failed myself and life. I text my aunt and she never responds. She has lost hope in me. I went to the hospital a year ago after trying to kill my self and accidentally leaving the suicide letters on my bed , and  I got a therapist, who I love most definitely, but I can't have a real relationship with her. I was doing really good in the summer but that came crashing too. When I say I have no motivation, I mean absolutely nothing. I have such high goals for myself, I was a 4.0 student in middle school. And high school isn't even that hard. I just don't want to do anything but sleep. Some days I feel on top of the world and some days I want to die. But when these days come by I suddenly have motivation and a strong urge to die. Not to get things done, just die. I just want to be loved but I am so needy nobody wants me. I try talking to old friends and they pretend they don't know me. I have the stuff ready but i question my rationality. But inside me I am being told to not think just do. So I thought I would talk first. Thank you",1.6388524590163909,3.4495615719490016,3.0929285974499123,92.44439836065577,79.0,6.067774134790528,20.63391621129326,7.003673034542,0.2599088233151185,2049,53,464,23,50,670,246,549,0.248,0.596,0.156,-0.9968,1,2,2,0,1,3,54.0,1,1,2,12,30,40,7,1,27,0,56,15,4,4,3,93,89,48,7,12,21,9,3,1,4,5,5,2,3,2,12,36,1,0,11,7,0,10,16,23,0,4,25,8,90,17,55,54,14,61,1,8,2,6,51,29,3,9,21,330,102,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126316816851515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526843559748653,0.057506298181351334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287010260992692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568728696616571,0.06152388082846731,0.0,0.0,0.0649325222320364,0.10628494349726406,0.0,0.04212972436939506,0.0,0.05880878983101572,0.0,0.07252824755757163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809027185820493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119066862509284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371358566928865,0.0,0.11905125447167668,0.0,0.215180453809123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072505184377831,0.0,0.06770295164781136,0.08014738987437578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045647489002242116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515216438081063,0.07776964322158512,0.03494484718519021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878620023033361,0.0,0.0,0.21358147072427588,0.0,0.10832370710725052,0.0,0.0,0.05796744095168822,0.055274774021774366,0.07619566448628486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619103224157128,0.06823329066520352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632397662719128,0.14604017265937913,0.06932446200238936,0.06864330613829223,0.0,0.2392361498380892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938488025555875,0.0,0.037981868866312635,0.0,0.0,0.14635818332999195,0.0,0.0,0.0976309820704732,0.033764384288049336,0.0,0.1830801422243513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544335812043189,0.058756119488588276,0.18712746087140691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528267608057998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094254475302104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330304361838042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631434101844545,0.0,0.2175626567802912,0.0,0.1404952078493914,0.05256240434319514,0.07353950076185962,0.0,0.07674013364770857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586366499325857,0.06533269923820934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742068852844926,0.0,0.0,0.15732801783387426,0.04427459180804668,0.0,0.0,0.1483997574209286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496023278264301,0.0,0.13988904022975904,0.05507291164188168,0.0,0.14419671870581302,0.0,0.0,0.057169740789488416,0.0,0.06916140401153377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736465763286128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911612415358814,0.07559675556573725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109839957859508,0.0,0.06362857688887537,0.0,0.08024376958141656,0.04591460469284119,0.08856770761177071,0.0,0.05486680523080055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207798561811587,0.0,0.14076650046696731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831326160257276,0.0,0.0,0.05702421926851381,0.2445824934254657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281340919255176,0.0,0.07716051328285195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454741068965877,0.0,0.0,0.0890110705448263
suicidewatch,velzerat,2018/01/01,"Probably going to kill myself soon. Sister died a while ago. Tonight I found out the only reason my mom is still alive is because she thinks she has to be there for us, and it feels like my sisters and most people I know are depressed, too. My best friend doesn't really seem to care about me anymore, and it feels like everything I'm doing is just so futile. I don't even know what I want to do. The smallest roadblock completely exhausts me. I've been depressed and suicidal for years, but it's over. I'm done.",2.7663969795037744,4.676616233009709,3.651974110032364,89.26354908306368,75.99029126213594,6.519525350593313,24.06580366774541,7.3871296695380915,1.0115208198489745,404,13,82,5,9,129,74,103,0.151,0.725,0.124,-0.5974,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,1,0,17,24,7,3,1,2,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,2,13,5,9,20,2,9,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,2,8,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015856993293245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791822636447566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013854830541757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960854875494607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421145035383354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894355818605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112323315121085,0.0,0.1875133939356625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489450513846284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933494101249567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238013877998014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827106536935917,0.2581502590162437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981021523968561,0.13959000137439992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268246097433734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998914708693757,0.0,0.19858985367116835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653855208288427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160580821934394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741240885039793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525814347524042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479952649566148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574581466038708,0.18576524838908187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448084730757573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428826473707934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763046255907304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577002803969655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173312496807299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656751723402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634956363540827
suicidewatch,JJJ-NewspaperGirl,2018/01/01,"I’m going to overdose tonight. Can someone tell me how many pills/booze to take? I have Valium, painkillers, and some sleeping pills. Plus some wine. Will this be enough?",2.029354838709679,4.843184193548389,0.9118709677419368,99.56780645161292,94.16129032258064,3.7703225806451615,22.32903225806452,5.6839178017228535,0.1351883870967745,134,5,26,1,5,37,27,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,5,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419088761998032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306101048863804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336014822299505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279899405445954,0.0,0.36237278645097704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215629423729661,0.0,0.3738121098210811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tryso123so,2018/01/01,"How do I lessen the pain for my family? I never really had anyone close to me commit suicide, so I don't know exactly how it feels. My family genuinely doesn't understand how I feel, but I do know it would hurt them if I killed myself. So I'm curious...how could I lessen that pain? Especially for my parents. Please don't just say ""don't do it.""",1.2445238095238091,3.2087669444444487,3.9908730158730172,84.77000000000002,80.94444444444444,8.55873015873016,20.007936507936503,9.23628265651192,1.6215769841269845,268,7,58,8,7,95,44,72,0.267,0.674,0.059,-0.9584,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,3,3,17,16,7,2,3,3,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,3,13,0,3,13,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379101806648346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756085965872522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146901137593794,0.0,0.2224221220008893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545622281435397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433371246933745,0.0,0.2417526059288385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963554036846193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680750705148577,0.0,0.2442234655956513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24143412705659695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090272892711936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749095014837988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405846947935694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897103789610895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624298330127318,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sandcoffeee,2018/01/01,"I hate driving, and I want to give up on life I'm 18, and I just got my learner's permit, so it's already obvious that I'm some sort of retard, since it took me so long just to get that. Today I started driving on the road for the first time, and I fucking hate it. I completely suck at it. Too much shit I have to pay attention to. I'm a fucking idiot, so I can't multitask to save my life. So you gotta stay in your lane and make sure the car doesn't drift, watch out for road signs and shit, and also be paying attention to traffic? Yeah, no. It's just not gonna happen, I'm too stupid.

Driving isn't the only thing I'm a failure at. School, work, money management. Basically any ""real world"" stuff that requires even the smallest bit of effort, I fuck it up. I suck at anything that has to do with the real world except socializing, and even with that I'm just average and plain at. Even the one real world skill that I enjoy, writing, I'm just plain at. Hell, even outside of the real world, I suck at everything. I suck at video games, and I always drop shows, even the ones I like. HELL, even the one thing I pride myself in, having a shit ton of useless knowledge, is fucked because there's just a ton of holes in the information I have stored.

Fuck, I just want to give up. Everything I do ends in failure. I was looking back on this time last year, compared to now. Everything was good, I had an amazing girlfriend, I had passed all my classes, I had a great job, and I had ""defeated"" the person I dislike most in life. Now? No girlfriend because I fucked up our relationship, no highschool diploma because I dropped out, I just left my second job, and the person I dislike the most in life now is me. What's even the point of this? I should just kill myself. I'm seriously tired of all this shit, it's all for nothing, seriously. People are always bitching at me for lounging around all day, and never trying to ""move forward"", but why would I? I'll just fuck it up in the end like an idiot anyways. It's never gonna improve. The only reason I'm still here is because a couple people need me to be strong for them, just a little while longer, but I can't even pretend to do that. I'm constantly breaking down (like this, actually) to them. I'd usually write all this shit and send it to a friend, but I'm tired of weighing them down with all this shit all the time. And don't even try to tell me that, ""It's you friends! That's what they're for!"" Bullshit. I can see the look on their faces. They don't want to loose me, but they're fucking tired of fighting. They've got their own problems too, they don't need to worry about whether or not I'm gonna jump of a bridge everyday too.

Fuck. Every time I look back on my life, I see nothing but failures. Being an extrovert is a bitch too, because I need to be around people to have any energy, but whenever I have energy, I act like a jackass, which makes me do, say, and act things that make me feel like a stupid jackass later on when I'm alone, which makes me want to go out less, which makes me have less energy, which makes my eventual social energy spikes even stronger, and the cycle goes on and on. Fuck it, people drained me instead, that would stop me from acting like an ass every time I'm being social. Of course, I never have enough self-awareness in the moment to control it. So I'm known  as this goofy dorky outgoing guy. It feels like a lie though, because whenever I'm alone, I'm depressed as hell. I also have anger issues, which make me feel like an even shittier person.

And of course, like this, I go on long ass ramblings and tangents that really serve no purpose but to clear my head, so I'm just spitting out information and thoughts in such huge volumes. No one has ever said it, but I'm sure it's fucking annoying. It's annoying to me whenever I realize I'm doing it.

Fuck it, what's the point of any of this? It's almost 2018, and everyone is saying, ""Don't bring anything negative with you into 2018."" What am I supposed to do then, kill myself within the next 4 hours? I absolutely am the only negative thing. I'm sure most people who know me would be shocked that I think any of this about myself. That's the power of being an extrovert, I'm just able to pull that positive energy out of my ass whenever I'm with people. It's ridiculous, and it makes me feel like a fake as fuck person, whether I'm being depressed or social. Almost everyone I know likes me, except me. And it's not like I plan to change for 2018 either. I don't have a plan, I don't have any goals. Once those 3 are out of highschool, I'm done, for real. I'll probably off myself before that honestly, because before then, I'll start college, and that'll give me a whole bunch of new opportunities to fuck up, which will really make me want to kill myself. Hell, maybe I'll join too many classes and clubs just to speed up the process quicker.

I don't care. Fuck me. Apathetic, incompetent, fake ass motherfucker.",3.9114875499935486,4.669879973293772,5.017325076334238,85.18796929428461,71.22551928783382,7.957803294198598,27.016169956564745,8.135877884289325,1.5632608867672992,3867,125,813,53,69,1276,354,1011,0.244,0.6409999999999999,0.114,-0.9994,3,2,0,0,2,3,159.0,1,4,7,14,57,82,45,0,48,1,60,37,13,12,16,145,155,53,3,13,32,0,4,12,4,10,8,3,0,5,67,39,1,3,16,5,4,18,24,55,0,6,12,13,97,27,115,125,22,119,4,4,6,19,41,58,35,9,53,519,164,14,0.037303122357172994,0.0,0.03640246638050899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470737723169657,0.07726956945790481,0.04116492312203982,0.059662586943568685,0.06207837218399018,0.0,0.0,0.12683701190724533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139458253588021,0.06641537523817885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057367597016679324,0.0,0.15917746007708147,0.0,0.06348441924233872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040725348190047424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803301936591842,0.0,0.039461757236378514,0.0,0.03911161406989315,0.04031142309110163,0.04183862367244566,0.0,0.041275195371485135,0.0,0.02405742791006089,0.0,0.06425824925086493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381740455388403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066078988510282,0.038544097148115984,0.0,0.2710219655306558,0.03374280981612211,0.06285897891278608,0.07128946400493577,0.10057692316623656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544631798881415,0.10659743226192267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031730016820702464,0.0,0.0,0.057640599597511916,0.5172920328705134,0.019489341802025842,0.10735366218701944,0.04240044817274696,0.03128808919854397,0.05966942930822167,0.04112682409037376,0.0,0.03693595592214372,0.03298702790499463,0.0,0.0,0.07365822087686588,0.03828376548952009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03673606138003429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893476808543783,0.0740351859465776,0.0,0.12381113391248005,0.0,0.041001640973146326,0.030407023502514244,0.0,0.0,0.0405299515885314,0.0,0.13174149252630793,0.2186930559626792,0.03738752848375697,0.0,0.06602417885058967,0.09397568324576416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410111453214726,0.03781951111360307,0.0374760002882068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03964731557074139,0.0274220870847916,0.08297937768508999,0.08631140287919828,0.03602758802302606,0.03967229382154981,0.0,0.0,0.07158670394496196,0.0,0.0,0.03972660786817786,0.10111024448646024,0.08511211648710508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551677288479804,0.13028659037511742,0.0,0.0,0.07052701612446137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040219075141368105,0.03569405019909785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122955996763306,0.047794670766087864,0.03835382260942915,0.0,0.040049593107776095,0.0,0.0,0.03548381169073758,0.05932988027224596,0.0,0.03775275134411411,0.05945151773426841,0.0,0.038915292127221605,0.0,0.2297467142361941,0.030857528293683576,0.0,0.0,0.15210334220067134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280668400504826,0.0397601650943844,0.029790321700845893,0.031187080613845976,0.0,0.0,0.0427031504051319,0.0,0.0,0.10547325407194816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032604573141842605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913014779057017,0.023902334572412573,0.03665012831762532,0.02961451235239375,0.10875875315115552,0.12862335491577334,0.03535899825498892,0.0,0.04144514149869349,0.050652742878518536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041084119130995515,0.0,0.11001174028417234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03366026579782881,0.04164760394048408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02715711735406497,0.03788313149035871,0.0,0.0794972035310074,0.0,0.0,0.02402198776711141
suicidewatch,Freehood8,2018/01/01,"I need some help I've been depressed since Grade 2, from Grade 2 until Grade 4, I've had thoughts about running away from home, I've realized that'll do nothing after 4th, then I had suicidal thoughts, I'm now in Middle School, and I've realized how much of an ugly failure I am, nobody gives 2 shits about me, I've tried reaching out to friends, they just compare me to other people who have it worse, and tell me to get over it, and start comparing themselves to me, I've been self-harming ever since 6th grade, hiding it is the hard part, I've luckily never been caught yet, I thought about getting help, but I'm enough of a burden to my parents, and I already ruined their life enough, I just wanna fucking kill myself already, but I have very little energy these days (From starving myself, and depression) so I guess I can't do it, I just need someone to talk to who won't judge me ",14.836368715083802,6.30086973184358,13.138480446927376,64.62984357541903,58.38547486033521,15.884245810055866,49.76648044692738,9.888512548439397,5.103106368715082,698,25,141,7,5,224,109,179,0.191,0.743,0.066,-0.9746,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,0,11,8,3,0,3,0,14,3,1,1,2,24,28,11,2,3,5,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,9,1,20,1,22,17,5,17,0,3,0,1,11,6,2,2,9,89,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122521650087171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292459310358642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124253587438033,0.0,0.2437120723967733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923721671269613,0.0,0.0,0.1279762552613681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930666603800417,0.1307954644837715,0.147834338333046,0.13571997264164212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585555604423806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673779075780686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966137560790503,0.0,0.1419154159892804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652604079830149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993111402361578,0.0,0.1417995690015964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400366880193823,0.20981042732611374,0.1091176677048932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357533404494841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709617752694824,0.15320844876042214,0.0,0.0980840312528249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431847486668068,0.0,0.0,0.1475939136658529,0.0,0.1452266142366109,0.23406651308335996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987507220222125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001398773333264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475554665223054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371581644150515,0.12365926838418614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369566209426991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605525425467837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673535668659288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417963846170728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elderflowrs,2018/01/01,"i have written the note ive planned it all out. written it in my notebook. now i just need to go through with it. 
thinking of doing it by the end of the month. but i'm still scared, i dont want to die. but it's the only solution.

people care. they just don't care enough. 
and i have given too much, and gotten too little in return.",-0.8141666666666687,1.2435936944444457,1.4605555555555585,98.84000000000002,91.22222222222223,3.755555555555557,17.722222222222218,5.033348758259628,-0.7326777777777775,254,7,60,1,9,85,49,72,0.066,0.731,0.202,0.9116,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,17,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,7,2,10,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269707137617072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820826515494584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028765966265836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889118666133865,0.2670260042993668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687102687297507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25901352166279423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062753806100067,0.0,0.1899748829415528,0.19162166022768612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654672668968207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916197159521505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587322844796925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638155149934345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559072248524362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524279856457248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Everythingisblue7,2018/01/01,"Anyone there? I don't want to continue anymore im done with life. I made a promise to myself, gave it a year and nothing has changed. I have nothing and no one and im a burden to everyone around me. I fucking hate existing. I only live to go back to sleep whats the fucking point anymore.",-0.2445491803278692,2.0068719836065583,2.4722745901639342,90.91857581967217,91.45901639344262,5.017213114754099,25.6577868852459,6.6274283507984215,1.1708836065573769,225,11,47,3,8,78,43,61,0.14400000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.6029,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,4,0,4,4,1,1,0,7,11,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,7,1,7,8,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760385585973885,0.13256358129892254,0.0,0.0,0.16877255193088112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578063756962156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005578210941728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401324045857807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115842487902228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505401017680123,0.0,0.0,0.10774661462748053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871778313906284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40957280980125205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391084705378092,0.0,0.0,0.16740872213626354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939172599107256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638275223405331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846900229907607,0.14418939438097325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792209175768279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972383557358927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118232763635362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208775944932752
suicidewatch,DarkRoseArt,2018/01/01,"I want to die so I can stop letting people down Long story short, I had a nervous breakdown back in November 2015, and ever since I’ve been struggling against a crippling anxiety disorder (a blend of generalised and social anxiety, if that matters). I’ve made so little progress in over two years when most people get over something like this in around six months. I’m a physical, emotional and financial drain on my family. I can’t work. I can’t take care of myself.

It being New Years, I think my cousin’s boyfriend probably proposed to her. She’s been one of my best friends since childhood, and we promised each other we’d be the maid of honour at each other’s weddings. It’s killing me to think that I’m too broken to be involved. I’m supposed to be the one who helps her organise this thing, but I can’t. I’m not capable of it. I’ve missed out on so many things in the lives of my friends and family. I let them down every day because I’m incapable of fixing myself.

This can’t go on forever. I refuse to be a dead weight for the rest of my life. Maybe I need to let them down one more time so they can finally be free of me. ",3.882666309012877,4.677438969957084,4.92800160944206,85.66865477467813,71.31759656652359,8.571781115879828,29.154774678111586,8.841846274778883,2.128734120171674,892,34,189,16,16,293,133,233,0.146,0.7390000000000001,0.115,-0.8086,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,2,0,3,4,9,12,1,2,9,0,19,2,0,1,1,23,34,12,3,3,3,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,13,10,1,2,2,0,1,1,5,4,0,5,4,1,27,9,33,20,6,31,0,1,0,0,17,17,0,2,14,127,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948098148611077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334814235333238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979067050332226,0.0,0.07761743782780503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362196951967145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981849692951844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211546659566492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214546060042892,0.0,0.1459279243178233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322588567809688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115174680462864,0.1072786002403826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006537635209865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394806493480214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967452525888752,0.0,0.06652317120927406,0.0,0.07236294334097022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534469260401051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408686064164249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906018572819343,0.08993491880553824,0.06220560512794585,0.12761523624969456,0.11243219025130256,0.11268050502282645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048001089047662,0.0,0.12908972701170154,0.1279172179715194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016313019492176,0.0,0.0,0.09441145498323036,0.0,0.12297333746098238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588404795801721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765452026234403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728018363502562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106526386193664,0.0,0.0,0.12979397633718825,0.0,0.09802264681443253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064511836401091,0.0,0.1331099639963278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573415716782904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691809774916891,0.16317216981608598,0.0,0.0,0.07424547457656519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438010655733815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510084135518087,0.0,0.0,0.15505014458363395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269566851698527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639889967810541
suicidewatch,Gizzardse1,2018/01/01,"Happy New Year Probably no one will care about this post but, I hope everyone gets better this year, or improved, if anything. Remember, as long as you're still alive, you can always get better, but once your gone, your gone. Don't even tell me nothing will improve, because even a loser like me, who's gone through as much as you all have and knows how you're all feeling, has gotten at least a little better. Just remember that nothing is impossible. So keep it going friends, I care about you.

Cheers to a better year,

u/Gizzardse1 ",3.630784313725492,5.799704823529414,4.1005882352941185,85.84931372549022,74.29411764705881,6.886274509803924,26.03921568627451,7.793537801064563,1.5328745098039218,420,15,79,6,9,132,73,102,0.07,0.563,0.3670000000000001,0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,0,5,8,12,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,2,15,20,11,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,4,1,9,11,9,14,4,13,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,3,7,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051049225001252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918307620815878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882872656157093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123628657716678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29532848393361233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913182223028623,0.0,0.0,0.1383916507026256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323060028326409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189560529219968,0.0,0.15133580933661112,0.0,0.08231045211325072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417465049265947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384926301996775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873191122123165,0.0,0.0,0.07959499843339074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707568162054106,0.14515810589346909,0.0,0.12817034361186766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646700603928544,0.0,0.0,0.13987809971458104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779373436337669,0.0,0.0,0.1542396458279558,0.098140825104664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870748530487895,0.0,0.15615166353786875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281292131278431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566174196110868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265881504521253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979808124398226
suicidewatch,ImLost7412,2018/01/01,"My girlfriend of 3 months is suicidal. I am lost. As much as I wanted to be able to deal with this internally I have gotten to the point where I need to seek help when she won't. Today I learned that she has recently had many points where she was ready to end her life. I had known about previous attempts when she was younger but it was to my understanding that that was in her past. With this new knowledge I have been able to talk to her, which she claims helps but I am worried that talking isn't enough.

She admitted to me that the stem of her thoughts and actions is primarily her family situation and stress from school. I have been able to help her through the stress of being a college student but tackling the issue of her family being torn apart by divorce is something that is completely foreign to me and I have no idea how to attack the problem.",4.576450980392156,5.733848194117647,4.92794117647059,84.964068627451,70.0,8.254901960784315,29.46078431372549,8.59863814320734,2.0556666666666668,683,26,139,11,12,216,96,170,0.16,0.782,0.058,-0.9552,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,2,6,0,24,1,0,1,0,19,31,11,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,11,0,27,0,25,16,2,15,0,1,0,0,22,6,0,0,8,106,37,4,0.41631832140507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578740640875166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550061306856266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306863629749303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291148764680485,0.14338937163787666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26164524135929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790493952242381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665757014202591,0.0,0.1448427215504325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801931413462446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148687562396335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406938113867925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076710407901963,0.0,0.1020139561442444,0.10289825339052107,0.0,0.13402760968556005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247431506037127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26237025313421364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278680285574254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702137245699442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404454558121133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598641210439576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683406109685102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179274870511509,0.0,0.0,0.15179489080643854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308059792510826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017008132928698,0.0,0.0,0.13154036328946578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446735161228466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081851777466827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093048798635846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway98e4,2018/01/01,"Suicidality Not sure where to start.... Do not have a history of mental health issues, so this is a first for me. Something bad happened a couple weeks ago and I've had trouble coping. I'm usually a resiliant person so I thought i'd be upset for a while but heal with time. No such luck, and have felt suicidal twice in the past week (I have a plan, but I don't think I would carry it out). I haven't told my family and friends, because I can see the burden of their concern for me (recently I have been crying a lot, and I haven't been leaving my house really for anything and I can tell it's made them upset). I don't really know how to get help or how to start healing. Everyday I wake up is the same... feeling like my life is a joke and there's no puspose in living",2.648148148148149,3.6395900493827145,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,74.43209876543209,7.622222222222224,25.228395061728396,8.07648339933343,1.334113580246913,596,19,131,9,12,204,101,162,0.163,0.72,0.117,-0.7738,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,2,7,10,0,2,11,0,19,5,1,3,1,26,32,14,2,1,5,0,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,5,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,7,3,18,5,14,23,2,17,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,3,13,90,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009883749518184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005894345353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196236833594502,0.0963437834607132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487563492157307,0.17360684635258694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899233524683378,0.0,0.07991314542573688,0.11290857305481948,0.1517495888022589,0.0,0.0,0.1344344172729444,0.0,0.0,0.12210646565271938,0.0,0.08257286225197077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976014885314933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799622025074865,0.0,0.0,0.10593535182137104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823646381185392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649596622907554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685831688344779,0.0,0.0,0.16734860402613386,0.0,0.0,0.11163303743909,0.07721362000875684,0.0,0.1395581056877503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343656275404591,0.0,0.14954758112896988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927387098969087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087343043985166,0.0,0.13800025662238175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20249748840344312,0.0,0.15605202032365514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594273409561893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167204848847203,0.0,0.0,0.2237324938228007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457548112443269,0.0,0.14895711663361216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813975629211994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126992487469152,0.0,0.12547140247082694,0.09215828460366957,0.0,0.0,0.1510203666981843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406607899886178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535510118518872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122718202127008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foralisa,2018/01/01,"I gave it one more year. I'm done. I'll never have anyone. I really tried. I tried everything I could to convince myself I could live without it. It's impossible. It's everywhere. Everywhere you look. Love. Couples. Dating. Marriage. Relationship. Sex. Why is it so easy for everyone else? It's like it just *happens* for people. Not for me. And I know why. They're all normal looking. It's not about your health or your clothes or your personality. Fuck everyone who says it is. I mean, it *can* be about that. But there's a prerequisite. You have to be naturally decent looking. Not even good looking, just average or slightly below average. The prerequisite to looking good in clothes is having an ok-looking face. The prerequisite to having a great personality is having someone actually care what comes out of your mouth, which isn't the case if you're hopelessly ugly as I am.

It's fucking everywhere. Can't watch TV shows anymore. No more movies. Every second post on Reddit is some dude bragging about how awesome is wife is. Social media is out of the question. Oh what's that? I should stop using social media because it's just a highlight reel of people's best moments? Well alright, let me go for a walk then. Oh look, a couple holding hands. A pretty girl who looks right past me. And a nice happy family walking down to the park. **It's everywhere**.

And the absolute worst part is all the crap people will say to make it seem like your fault. You're never interesting enough, never well-groomed enough, never in good enough shape, never have enough hobbies. They'll do anything to convince you that the problem is something you can change. No one will ever be honest enough to look you in the eye and tell you ""You're just too ugly"". And if you've done all that and they know it's hopeless but don't have the heart to tell you, they'll feed you stuff like:

*""I'm sure you'll find someone. The world's a big place!""*

*""You don't need love to be happy!""*

*""There's more to life than relationships!""*

*""Why don't you get a pet? They'll love you forever!""*

Check their post history and there's a post about a cake their girlfriend made for them. Or a comment on an annoying habit their husband has. So many times. It's to the point where I can immediately tell who is a ""have"" and who's a ""have-not"". The ""haves"" will make it seem so ridiculously easy and nonchalant. They'll tell you how many ugly friends they have that having stunning partners, because of their *personality*. It's so fucking insulting. The amount of times I've been told my personality is the problem by people who don't even know me. Fuck that. I am done with the encouragement. I'm done with the self-improvement. I'm done not being good enough.

I'm done. I'd rather die than live a long life of loneliness only to look back and see all the young couples enjoying what I could never have. I'm not going through that pain. Not a chance.",1.256874517812573,3.9149683840708,2.648097345132744,88.97868561379627,89.93805309734512,5.516904923984572,21.225890628545496,7.063681054816773,0.8181636033582937,2287,79,449,37,78,738,239,565,0.14300000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.106,-0.9776,0,0,1,0,0,2,114.0,0,18,11,1,25,41,8,0,36,1,62,19,6,6,12,72,104,26,1,11,20,2,1,3,3,9,4,2,1,6,35,15,1,2,8,2,1,5,21,15,1,3,10,15,47,26,45,76,18,42,0,2,12,8,64,16,5,10,21,294,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.05110929347442896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519407563462879,0.03662099281691312,0.0,0.04309919146366475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040272234870026985,0.0,0.06385318932243501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496309306360357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339860019847879,0.0,0.055404557222271916,0.045115408584043976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254487011347412,0.17385190756622546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435575657972079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32157961103351884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043751606292696116,0.0,0.0,0.3246969398597792,0.0,0.06918482854996635,0.04737511880424169,0.04412720236006719,0.10009085921205256,0.04707021248804372,0.0,0.04937337650844503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786872280633929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046388354675677,0.193675011237656,0.027363159390665096,0.0,0.059530497918914335,0.17571470200807152,0.0,0.0577423216365247,0.0,0.0,0.04631399621175818,0.11150581092270632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055670921733620767,0.0,0.062063229075079274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634984562001012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355577956174039,0.07398635613208378,0.0767616090980097,0.0,0.09249408549119427,0.04634918274507024,0.4398081826162039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418082525496958,0.049557374993656055,0.06991986330966952,0.10619766651852562,0.0,0.057050444079867674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03883452403198994,0.2423635131659416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051315223754573085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097971198864553,0.03983265029626649,0.055729437292919584,0.0,0.0,0.05671574345580663,0.049996737576376696,0.1452376497159231,0.18292319849047226,0.054719494881359486,0.0,0.04951018877818245,0.0,0.15047892679386646,0.05328300384413824,0.0,0.10022934533323144,0.0,0.0,0.05867066490555499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0335520103111148,0.0,0.0,0.11245976502145873,0.0,0.044726956262022936,0.0,0.08329952786552243,0.0,0.0,0.04173515381649885,0.09535831772469938,0.054637316746159834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677702815128473,0.08875233574617053,0.040319925522496115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043786858809027794,0.0,0.0,0.059955493771355006,0.0,0.0,0.04936170569432017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831081092029697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107919144392504,0.0,0.0,0.05004542960602628,0.0,0.0711167719791957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045234164810935965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418070835688454,0.0,0.14177767943847178,0.0,0.0,0.05048649368260975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372702304824635
suicidewatch,dva-readyforcombat,2018/01/01,"i think i'm done i just wanted to be happy
i thought about it earlier and if just had done it then i wouldn't have been going through even more of this trauma.
my mom is a demon and a compulsive hoarder of animals. she casts all the work on me and i can't even have my own life.
she wants me to be confident but constantly compares me to other people. how come i'm not a good daughter like her? how come i don't have a nice job and boyfriend already like her? why can't i be pretty like she is? she screams and yells at me to the point where i feel like breaking down. she ridicules my life choices and never pays me any praise for my accomplishments. if she does it's short-lived and only to brag about it to her friends/family. 
i'm starting to believe everything she says about me.
and how her life would be better of if i just left.
i'm 20 and i just wanted to be happy. but every single year it's the same. she's nice to me sometimes... but incredibly evil the next. it tires me emotionally. i can't get out of this.
i'm tired of trying to reach out to my friends with my sadness. they don't want to hear it. i don't want to burden them with it anymore. 
i'm a coward like she says
i'm stupid like she says
i have no confidence in myself anymore and i honestly don't think i could survive in this world any longer. i'm just a burden and i'm seriously... done. sorry for burdening you all with this too... i just, had no one else to go to.",-0.009657287157285309,2.141309282467536,2.075238095238096,95.42253968253969,87.66883116883116,5.240404040404041,19.26984126984127,6.691623216298621,0.06428759018759013,1121,33,260,14,36,374,140,308,0.21600000000000005,0.672,0.112,-0.9853,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,2,5,16,25,3,0,10,0,27,5,0,3,3,50,52,21,0,11,13,2,1,6,1,2,5,6,0,0,13,18,0,0,4,0,1,4,12,10,0,1,7,7,48,15,36,37,6,22,2,1,0,0,25,11,0,3,12,176,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713063328230465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436076544378776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105292192218503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195859897426504,0.0,0.09387421140743572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828643326013552,0.0,0.1147020851022467,0.0,0.0847459649548077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288581491857408,0.3258611791152304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866824590590887,0.11939576631314222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021193530100526,0.0,0.08942943954620981,0.0,0.095393827321718,0.0,0.10006148483253896,0.0,0.05366872044585783,0.07582805821166244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200525376438228,0.0,0.055454954713722346,0.0,0.1206461950919658,0.08902709938638391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598083820485565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119630051395207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053298240031562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532388588196138,0.0,0.2249142708720475,0.31113450720422225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431254266200555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818634613483331,0.0,0.11288350728370147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192474848621125,0.0807259785600842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358568479551783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033875245775184,0.0,0.0,0.10798484644999758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25322577774221994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497741813309368,0.11881758019669338,0.07512804433901922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602336032996232,0.0,0.08426510541265476,0.0,0.2439898482099181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206363331782935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130273016609733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577688843634652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727283601072528,0.0,0.0,0.0754004225567935,0.0,0.0,0.06835214125190646
suicidewatch,ChokySapidity,2018/01/01,"Hanging myself and my head dizzy, havent ate in days, alcohol only. die now. die now. i dont know why im here again. i am going to hang myself. my bday is in a few days. i lost my boyfriend who cheated. i lost my dad. i lost everything. im losing life adn school. i dont want to call 911 anymore. pls someone help me take my life. help me fnish hanging myself properly.im so hungry and i dont know i need to die now. die now. ",-2.1653629032258053,-0.4696707419354809,0.7607459677419364,99.96111895161293,105.88172043010752,3.6153225806451617,15.48991935483871,5.602791699666715,-0.7663758064516131,323,9,78,3,16,111,54,93,0.308,0.626,0.066,-0.9745,0,0,1,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,5,1,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,0,6,16,3,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,4,0,18,0,5,12,1,13,0,4,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,41,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894793220647802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966145067985585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320647849267745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563033448159078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009005753991379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42423486121189385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844066021250616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857337322139835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383109388549993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175056425840126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909977484435253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326222221843646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045024616616547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498672087802907,0.3951411331890785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946722783835151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917667175868009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221134973624438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102234102790182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072066152108413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711678904383935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887611186947722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aatpacalypse97,2018/01/01,"Power saw suicide I don't own any guns, so I can't blow my head off, but I was considering a power saw suicide where you take an electric saw and slash your neck open from the side. You don't need a license to have a chainsaw or power saw. Im just so full of self hatred that all I want to do is self harm and die in a brutal way. Thats the best way for the likes of me to go. Because I hate myself honestly, and I hate my life. I am angry at god for giving me the features and life he gave me, and at this point I feel there is no god because if there was, he would make the world fair. He would give me better physical traits and a better personality. BUT NO, Ive got the worst physical traits I could have possibly been given. So to slash my neck open and bleed to death honestly fits the way I should go. It would do justice to my self loathe to destroy the ugly shit body that has given me so much grief. I absolutely cannot live until I become old like this. At some point I wont be able to take it anymore. Im just going to die and angry self hating young man, and hopefully in a next life, i'll be born as something a little less repulsive.",3.793657219973008,3.612710336032393,5.25953036437247,86.68327665317142,71.14574898785425,8.206099865047234,25.37354925775979,7.793537801064563,1.0896436707152497,891,22,206,10,15,302,135,247,0.315,0.5379999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9966,3,0,1,1,0,4,21.0,0,3,0,6,9,17,6,0,16,0,24,9,5,1,1,29,47,19,6,9,6,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,0,6,7,11,0,0,1,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,11,5,27,8,22,28,8,27,0,1,4,0,15,16,1,4,7,127,34,0,0.10437299673039868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097721687923456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350996689570556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724962010343985,0.11527177471883585,0.0,0.0,0.10953302076637522,0.1846188676528496,0.0,0.11593487015965027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833333449811829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166453844702257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277412320454808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200248178068621,0.1779527379556173,0.0,0.0834766201400058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091401775890402,0.10711680625567477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366593609958656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254814939299851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116520280070576,0.10198274823753672,0.10460916249394044,0.0921632683148858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966978578714318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076726161907766,0.07739125457015114,0.0,0.0,0.11100186610861056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952190264070256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113447489082703,0.0,0.0,0.1973324364883284,0.11766487148259334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43553519397831175,0.0,0.1071373812634889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035143208632074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228334236000386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695100832309644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156189768268806,0.2485392799244538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243074680911198,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,molrc,2018/01/01,"I think I’ll end it tonight. I’ve been going back and forth if I should take my life. I am ready to do it tonight, I have nothing and i’m so alone.",-2.8580000000000005,-1.212035085714284,-0.3857142857142843,110.29571428571433,99.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,15.571428571428573,3.1291,-1.6760285714285716,112,3,33,0,5,37,26,35,0.084,0.836,0.08,-0.03,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556370726698008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382806990405265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38964934192119005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250023602057765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310737116435151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221268017460826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307742569602324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818907839387241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swuidwardznose,2018/01/01,Tonight might be it I’ve never felt so alone. I reached out to the few friends I have today to try and tell them what’s on my mind but I got nothing but disinterested replies that quickly faded. Either they don’t think it’s serious or they really don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I won’t have to. I’m writing up a note now and if I’m still feeling this way at the end of it I’m gonna do it. Goodbye everyone.,-0.7631818181818204,1.2410649347826102,2.0370355731225342,95.35460474308302,89.86956521739133,5.084584980237153,22.49407114624506,6.574015621080383,0.4250304347826086,322,13,78,4,11,112,64,92,0.038,0.792,0.17,0.9065,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,19,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,2,9,3,8,13,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,8,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278111558126225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23247465261745184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779992400817914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762029165630969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239916143150961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852622821848205,0.0,0.22507318787935807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811068596762471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874814459971773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486750904763352,0.2366902506423837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807937141396165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492554270037304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501709349338542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872024805313873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048872459355372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020234985645406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221960624967325,0.0,0.0,0.15915100225836068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860660845682812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rustbadfeel,2018/01/01,"I'm going to starve my self to death I decided I dont have the guts to outright kill myself so starving seems like a good idea. 7 years ago I felt very depressed but I didn't have a reason to be depressed, I decided at that point to starve myself to death, i got to 103 pounds (I'm 181cm, male) before i started feeling better with anti depressants I was taking, they really helped me, but before I didnt have a real reason to feel like this. 

Now I do have reasons to die, so I wont stop at 103, I will be a sad sack of bones.",2.426804347826089,2.9505100608695685,4.484076086956524,88.5174184782609,74.47826086956522,7.141304347826088,23.07065217391305,7.1686216300943375,0.6849347826086953,407,10,93,4,8,141,70,115,0.319,0.56,0.121,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,1,0,5,0,13,2,2,3,0,15,23,4,4,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,3,17,4,13,14,0,9,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285066967553173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742553237553796,0.0,0.0,0.14252499510162445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163974522231277,0.0,0.16724933238388792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888678134181881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629656111934157,0.1151263319622074,0.1547302659391072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158584720292008,0.13516584282007768,0.12888720451829566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801614217902664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191990371042505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828974427078625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746051178622067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233981716741676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342515885297586,0.1032374798507514,0.4970703124896957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670585031150862,0.16811567576361364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140635323682218,0.0,0.0,0.13472948154546832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116552320376593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329664813909834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037759833191191
suicidewatch,Kaitrii,2018/01/01,"my ex, the first person i felt something for has a new bf its been over 6 years and i still miss her every day. 6 years she had no new bf, but now she has one and i found it out today... is there any way to ignore the fear of pain in death? because it cant hurt more than what i feel right now, yet im scared to end this torture",-0.4984571428571449,0.8804238400000024,1.4899047619047645,103.464,83.93333333333334,4.285714285714286,14.714285714285715,3.1291,-1.5295714285714292,248,3,68,0,7,82,60,75,0.335,0.625,0.04,-0.9815,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,10,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,4,2,8,0,8,6,1,17,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,12,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461139680154685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309782754190674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856863226782945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903045307616224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810310471730528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417802134143335,0.1086410102987528,0.0,0.20630183622565984,0.0,0.0,0.18276205790234176,0.0,0.2355858024003861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23001490766801866,0.0,0.2320885295363331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415031367020891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559649039720612,0.0,0.2286290055095813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760977585189895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349152667572408,0.0,0.0,0.2151149928880469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541176301451468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158958756262174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366466626739155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054796827390453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27672900043076404
suicidewatch,alexwilkinson132465,2018/01/01,"I can't stand to live anymore. I am 14, I don't know if I have depression as I have never been checked but it wouldn't surprise me if I had some sort of depressionI live with my mum and dad in england along with my younger brother. my mum is an alcoholic and has been for a long time, she is mentally unsound. My dad, even though not meaning to be, is way to hard on me and is strict. I hate my brother, like most people, and he makes my life hell, again like most brothers.

I wake up for school every morning (apart from holidays and weekends, then I just don't get up until mid afternoon) and I struggle to get out of bed. I wonder to my self ""what is the point in getting up, no one would care if they didn't see me"" and on most days I get so bad as to think that no one would even care if I just disappeared, no one would cry if I was to drop dead at this moment. this is true by the way, everyone at school tells me, the people I once would call friends tell me. I can't stand it, I wonder that if I had one really good friend, would this all change or would that make it harder? life is easier in some ways when you don't have friends.

I once tried to kill my self a couple months ago but I ended up backing out at the last second. That won't happen this time, this time I won't give myself the means to go through with it. I plan on buying a rope from the local hardware store and hanging my self on the tree outside my soon to be house or in my bedroom. I have set out a day, it will be my 15th birthday, It will be the last Friday of this month, the last friday of my life. I will call the emergency services and tell them that I see someone hanging from a tree and they should send an ambulance and I will give my address, I will do this so my younger brother does not see me.

Thank you for reading this, I don't really want help, I just wanted to tell my story and share my plans. _______ new year.  ",4.0779042904290375,3.7778268069306975,4.819554455445548,90.49075082508251,70.53465346534655,8.020462046204619,26.73432343234323,7.333567415737692,1.0377016501650165,1466,40,347,13,24,474,185,404,0.153,0.741,0.106,-0.9667,0,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,2,3,2,12,18,3,1,17,0,45,5,1,2,3,61,70,30,2,16,15,8,1,2,3,15,4,0,3,3,20,19,1,0,6,3,3,5,16,6,0,5,6,4,59,12,48,45,6,59,1,1,3,0,32,22,1,16,27,241,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058015060886948,0.08509176576400948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896368679978212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061224448096265476,0.0664810929082436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162606047714206,0.0,0.16235999004357246,0.0,0.08422958022814303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810029313063203,0.08746109233574369,0.10269928133687968,0.0,0.06857836218715295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967779982733696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705215106207993,0.0,0.0,0.10517923721583626,0.0,0.0670850182327,0.07608228888359705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845474143148848,0.0,0.16639695683841665,0.15276146722343908,0.04525105065244382,0.06678320490260839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040952324470601,0.0,0.07132572491721638,0.0786102984168531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053368987352326064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187316507591388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809001057699857,0.0,0.04375820097349123,0.19470781371410856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871824355389473,0.07779863169045206,0.0,0.14061547253693227,0.07046301608138131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629668445062808,0.0,0.0,0.17346352710295534,0.0,0.0,0.08024030751073602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710713467549226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140943994518872,0.07689948011272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958978712382092,0.21581586949727624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039981981822107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526858126620044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964360521168391,0.0,0.10201585883911664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116354774190084,0.1903454154114724,0.0,0.2491895153601817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746351165822577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323826319171447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783727539353968,0.07330529376952563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510185999940966,0.07822826806747803,0.0,0.13928478758588742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405815109176852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392630590470596,0.1896008514539693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269345166606212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393673547084297,0.0,0.0,0.05127399506690264
suicidewatch,pleasehelpme_321,2018/01/01,"Getting ready to do I‎t cause I’m not going into 2018 and dealing with this anymore. I’m getting super nervous tho because I️ really don’t want to hurt my friends/family/gf. Anyway, once everyone leaves the house I’m going to do it. ",5.042907801418437,5.57984378723404,6.58808510638298,75.73333333333333,68.57446808510639,8.819858156028369,32.687943262411345,8.841846274778883,2.8912751773049647,186,8,33,3,3,64,37,47,0.111,0.728,0.161,0.3566,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,11,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832220858893416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408904627819838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933729142905014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944240407375304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728872654019401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29841117551229346,0.0,0.3246073600125964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32952500705840826,0.3057230351947654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30239168345280426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041370989713622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295209801606527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684445430319282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oneguynamedivan,2018/01/01,"im young dumb, a bit careless at times but 2k17 has been the year where i just want to end it all. i have had more fucked up shit happened to me in the past but now its like im just being fucking thrown around like a ragdoll and my family ""tries to support me"" but you cant just throw someone in a mental hospital for half of their lives and expect the best out of someone afterwards. I need/want someone who can relate to me but its like I'm just a fucking lunatic in the family. I'm a FUCKING retard and nobody will ever love me.",1.6011504424778735,3.2790638495575237,3.3320442477876107,91.30001327433628,78.64601769911505,5.935929203539826,22.804424778761053,6.742157984588678,0.5580768141592922,417,13,91,4,10,139,72,113,0.192,0.619,0.19,-0.3102,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,8,13,6,0,9,0,8,6,1,0,2,17,18,7,0,2,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,2,0,10,6,14,14,4,17,0,0,0,5,4,8,6,0,11,63,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271092523109107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644804438768914,0.0,0.16275444109973633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203875867726894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484948310643913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810747273856884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.551280415020159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318290825940893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32205939838180697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849577522026928,0.0,0.13163850491255755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345486128528837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023544598426591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053936379637233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231171107013746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302630806870401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789396280771544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917181881824728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692851440443336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121409912680153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585999973093386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600127112225357
suicidewatch,Veortox,2018/01/02,"Death isn't as scary as some people think it is. No one knows what is after death like holy shit I keep thinking about what is on 'the other side' it is the only thing on my mind it seems right now and could be an escape worth fulfilling. I wouldn't jump into a train or any shit that would ruin anyone elses day I would just park a car in a closed space turn the engine on and open the windows, that easy. I was originally thinking of taking a gram of carfentanyl that would kill me in minutes but as a user suggested it is brutal. but carbon monoxide poisoning seems to be easier and a 'Drift off' kind of death. ",2.413578181818181,4.268220816,3.5682181818181853,89.72010909090912,76.84,6.465454545454546,19.363636363636363,7.348242739294969,0.34923999999999955,482,10,101,6,11,156,83,125,0.23,0.685,0.085,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,11,0,14,3,2,1,0,25,23,9,4,5,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,6,0,1,6,0,1,3,3,6,0,1,1,0,6,2,16,15,1,19,0,1,0,0,1,12,2,4,5,69,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271258333415026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307130237568428,0.1915424573876118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925664025250307,0.0,0.0,0.12056104622506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616465619402833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661611527123899,0.2068217751651572,0.19466958422116545,0.10273751523120236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132960142838817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875644035197592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266756041515718,0.14217654312390035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296008852942515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964601849213006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403669068306779,0.0,0.0,0.3837831201051792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055586147320576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419484716691237,0.3593514411488334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033373953487612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983911358061985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bongeour,2018/01/02,"I tried I'm sorry, I'm done. I don't want to hurt anyone by ending it but I've tried everything, literally everything to get better and nothing worked. It's been way too long, I've fought it as much as I could but I can't do it anymore, I won't survive another year like this. I don't even know why I'm writing this, maybe I just had to tell someone that I really did my best but it wasn't enough. Goodbye everyone, take care of yourselves, I hope you'll find the strength to keep going, find something that will make you happy.",2.2865079365079346,3.661093285714287,3.907976190476192,89.20924603174606,75.96428571428571,7.120634920634919,24.94444444444445,7.793537801064563,1.1774968253968252,416,14,92,6,9,139,74,112,0.044,0.679,0.277,0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,5,3,9,1,0,1,0,13,0,0,1,0,14,26,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,0,12,7,8,16,3,5,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,52,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793365112574147,0.0,0.0,0.16828583367311764,0.11865045370237315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807807564055078,0.15007607956271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300918553183015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548281246247507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736507023959303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029403625492285,0.17533403778693796,0.0,0.11207794580849308,0.0,0.0,0.16214505592930886,0.30501095890519675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101852376051473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865546853588648,0.0,0.09643813621493663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806370340991939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853940739446654,0.0,0.0,0.18165552198824167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508273283747848,0.0,0.0,0.09325660476734626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290144573576116,0.0,0.0,0.15016937385971024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132686864331645,0.0,0.17047534997085606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474089702102588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282111637348098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870708137114997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377688988493306,0.1306348377939283,0.0,0.18995287791717408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275849663255207,0.0,0.14831561464031445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304153058702097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008693447336177,0.1346911837799017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531178767175603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353557075274955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927411516971924
suicidewatch,MidnightShadow190,2018/01/02,"I'm getting way too stressed out. Starting to think life isn't worth living again. sorry, i just need to vent a little...

I'm a 19 year old female and I am getting so stressed. For the last three months or so, I've been staying with my parents, trying to get a job, Knowing my time was limited and my stepdad doesnt like me here. ""Luckily"" though, i got a job at the beginning of December, and my mom convinced my stepdad to let me stay till the new year. 
Now currently, I am freaking out, trying to find someplace to live. I dont make enough to live on my own, so I have to rent a room fro a complete stranger. It would have been a different story though if my boyfriend would let me move in with him, but he told me no and is ""trying"" to ""help"" me find a room to rent.
I only have until the 6th of this month, and I am terrified. If i dont find somewhere to stay, I'll be homeless.
I keep thinking that i could just kill myself and not have to deal with any if this... I am so tempted..... ",2.554439102564104,3.3516892836538474,3.94396153846154,91.48437179487179,74.43269230769229,6.892820512820514,26.84743589743589,7.03164865440522,1.0428335897435903,753,27,174,7,15,249,118,208,0.13,0.86,0.009000000000000001,-0.9674,7,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,2,12,0,22,1,0,1,0,32,37,19,1,7,8,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,4,11,0,2,6,0,3,1,6,4,0,1,5,0,26,2,25,26,2,28,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,16,117,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412224482397876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142821243561632,0.0,0.0,0.08702587774336151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237195046808672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387950680993338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554892304426998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262386910459354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988660562360747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084056255965493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717550147991257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305893085023442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632700486251147,0.09688225687769332,0.12058992142486022,0.0,0.0599023428709224,0.08884775849458068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291528006740186,0.07698837283909209,0.053250821637220606,0.10924443496284428,0.28874117519023024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275688095428283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276569113991353,0.17400201546869867,0.1158474165844082,0.0,0.08082049100690904,0.0,0.10527075889382563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437486052650744,0.0,0.0,0.08289774202971728,0.0,0.0,0.12102916299104495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201411847128756,0.07714920710657884,0.3485314712620678,0.0,0.0,0.249713233815043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396827841022177,0.2141795792206045,0.0,0.06355749640109684,0.0,0.0,0.10415207329640316,0.0,0.22200706356476752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865173838636168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548578261802671,0.0,0.0,0.14038202506178274
suicidewatch,Jonweyer,2018/01/02,"I'm really lonely, I'm getting abused and threatened online, I can't take it anymore I thought I found some joy in my life with a girl I met online, I shared some pics with her and she did aswell.

Turns out she recorded over it on snapchat, saved them all, screened my conversations, and now she wants money from my broke ass or she's going to send it to everyone of my friends on Facebook.

I don't see a way out of this. My family already half disowned me so I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. If this gets out, I'm going to kill myself to get rid of it. 

I'm 21 years old if anyone wants to know.",2.8206837606837603,3.4087686923076923,4.112564102564104,91.30465811965814,73.61538461538461,7.008547008547009,25.213675213675213,6.937597516519254,0.7653418803418806,470,14,110,4,9,155,81,130,0.171,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.9099,0,2,0,0,1,2,13.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,1,21,25,7,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,4,0,1,4,2,20,4,19,21,3,14,0,2,2,2,12,7,2,5,3,66,27,0,0.0,0.2363001199501229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200835836908061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395575638409632,0.13945092093157654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057050915762205,0.0,0.0,0.18801136435668314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186722720505204,0.15408445787568192,0.18437620474649627,0.31259265381222484,0.0,0.2266891779753684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064738605647016,0.0,0.21921061423633445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086818386619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092754826237459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776438804875376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892539189281193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995173213368154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583306250432637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169300826057007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352661072925927,0.15830373195695452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843082785528132
suicidewatch,superdancingmachine,2018/01/02,"Suicidal ideation but not depressed - normal? (I literally just posted this over in /depression, so please delete if x-posting isn't allowed)

I'm sure this has been answered a million times, but I can't find an answer that fits my specific situation, so wanted to ask myself. 

I think about suicide a lot. At least once a day but probably more, and it isn't a fleeting though; I dwell on it. Recently my favorite band lost its lead singer to suicide and when I found out the method, the first thing that came into my head was ""yeah, this is how I'd do it too."" Yesterday I was driving down the road and couldn't really shake the idea of ""yeah, I could totally just slam my car into this highway median going 90mph,"" and almost felt a physical tension as my conscious mind restrained my arm from turning the wheel.

That being said, I'm not actively suicidal in that I don't want to die, and while I was diagnosed with depression ten years ago when I was a Peace Corps volunteer, it was largely considered a malpractice diagnosis and was situational at best.  I am 100% not going to go home tonight and attempt suicide.  The thought about ""what if"" basically never leaves my mind, though.

I don't mind being alive, and I have fun with the people I love, do the things I'm interested in doing, have an amazing family who loves me, etc. A lot of the time I feel happy.  I like a lot of aspects of my life. I just get really tired sometimes (a lot), everything seems like a hassle to a degree, and in areas of my life professionally especially, I feel like I'm always coasting on mediocre and feel like I'll always be mediocre / kind of lost in what I'm doing (and if someone feels otherwise and that I'm doing really well, it's because somehow I pulled the wool over their eyes). I can't concentrate on ANYTHING.   It takes a lot to get me out of the house to do social things, but once I do, I enjoy myself a lot, and I travel a lot. Life simultaneously seems like it's flying by and like it's creeping along.  None of my feelings align with what I understand depression to be, though. 

Is this normal? Is this something I should be worried about? I'm having a hard time even verbalizing this in a way that I feel like makes sense.",6.877458117271644,6.144317222477068,7.554419625049863,74.66477263661749,64.84862385321101,10.793617869964102,33.86477861986438,10.176274734539398,3.238957040287195,1743,65,339,35,23,582,217,436,0.129,0.6809999999999999,0.19,0.9882,1,0,2,0,0,4,62.0,0,0,1,8,18,27,0,3,30,2,36,10,3,4,3,81,73,31,6,10,13,0,8,7,0,1,5,1,1,0,29,23,0,1,18,2,0,10,12,9,1,3,14,10,41,18,44,51,13,47,0,6,1,2,8,21,0,14,21,237,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603734697714192,0.0,0.06820013988427305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334231835245885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604692966395669,0.0,0.06367161437372477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041517892670805086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714749513026562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789719773333516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437854934286596,0.0,0.0,0.04392390710313542,0.0,0.2346446495657788,0.0691279998999178,0.07068516049594861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595821867770734,0.04498457033494372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061210913685213676,0.0,0.06420598777992878,0.0,0.2066241500340362,0.14596871274881887,0.0653941843928116,0.0,0.062249310233399184,0.05793247376335716,0.0,0.07467670518282635,0.0,0.0,0.07116704595468704,0.0,0.11612172466859105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250203692540419,0.06101122567841313,0.0,0.06989826864311886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831769293433512,0.0,0.0,0.07858727569530384,0.0,0.07688543450603152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092380997734753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211634348363853,0.0,0.0,0.14431969454890856,0.2329182715445868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486954539605111,0.4053198090981636,0.12293992665921175,0.0,0.045462496255112984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063084373619657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252894665465236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334623986571744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506520315039914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721738425794681,0.0,0.0,0.07476192991882254,0.0,0.0,0.1304569225779838,0.0,0.07343174535897443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089483339218316,0.0,0.06724825202138526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478612984712727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400559604221888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311207828399764,0.0,0.06942734171204461,0.05770753174419897,0.0524327244449694,0.06736037184639149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724944835052613,0.0,0.06419081085256277,0.0,0.051208601745419316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574342046096774,0.0436407386205924,0.2007467511771868,0.05406999843600101,0.11914264620283177,0.07827991578782961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740817464972854,0.0,0.07090263873348811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034350934873513,0.054060814431742335,0.0,0.0,0.06123710628574153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069166793498423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385920070341329
suicidewatch,WineWalker,2018/01/02,"Getting sucked back in I posted this on r/depression but I saw a suggestion to post it on here and thought this is relevant.

I've had depression before, I've beat it. For a short period of about six months, I felt amazing. I didn't care about people who didn't matter, I didn't feel dark and empty inside, it didn't hurt to be alive. But something happened in the summer that has made me feel that way again. My suicidal thoughts have returned, and worse than ever. It was a time when I was the closest to actually killing myself.
I thought it was situational, that it would go away, but it didn't. It just came back and it stayed, and it manifested in a form much stronger than it was in before. 
What's worse, is that I really feel helpless now. I can't tell my family about this, they will only tell me bullshit like ""the power of you will can change this"" or whatever. I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my friends, hence me talking about it here anonymously, and my boyfriend tries to help me but I feel like nothing he is doing is helping, and it's not his fault, it's mine. And I'm afraid that if my brain stays in this stupid place, he will leave me, and my friends would leave me, as people have left me due to that before. I'm afraid I'll be alone again, more alone than I already am. And a lot of the times I feel like none of this is worth it. That I should just go ahead and end this life of pain already. 
I don't know where I was going with this or why I'm posting this... maybe it's just an act of desperation. Nothing in my head makes sense now. 
I'm sorry for wasting your time reading this. ",3.3715540540540516,4.367835918918922,4.101730480480484,90.36809121621624,72.69369369369369,7.351801801801803,25.28641141141141,7.6454224807358475,1.0175726726726722,1263,38,283,15,24,403,162,333,0.196,0.6829999999999999,0.12,-0.9832,1,2,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,2,1,3,19,18,3,2,10,0,33,4,2,2,1,43,59,20,2,4,11,0,7,3,2,6,2,0,0,0,36,13,0,0,11,1,1,5,10,10,0,1,18,8,36,8,34,33,5,43,0,3,1,0,16,14,1,4,21,188,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.09059583565276848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923029374547188,0.20489658974425912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722372131289395,0.14277234231305014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23699317315776156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363715601405242,0.0,0.1061811657767114,0.09465383844700713,0.0,0.09820957832325884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992130114521633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222631291796252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397667401461599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751876615197765,0.0,0.2816480408363561,0.13264600471383273,0.08913838926036899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345177146731028,0.0,0.04850366973547565,0.0,0.15828477090436918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209573844574196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527787733401363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445380184050882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993842747622112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027107433021238,0.0,0.051020965011946036,0.0,0.0,0.19660264157023954,0.10086802346709324,0.0,0.06557374701377,0.13606688039553347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892697242509372,0.0,0.0878449200741577,0.061969634235269876,0.0,0.09326756949774606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410186578483542,0.0,0.06824611466765533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815983119741802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060696782396829,0.09878545757116866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872342141494586,0.0,0.09699524349234878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667374795122703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286244645643082,0.0,0.059473966578828974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435304118605487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147070714243982,0.0,0.10392378279596233,0.0,0.19790446860196648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154896364662652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923824780012715,0.16228782517157234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22110739415043168,0.16240256948454054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303044855830509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368994606008014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377124440890599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921832763298416,0.13189794176155178,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaysw0608,2018/01/02,"The neverending circle I've wanted to kill myself since I was a 7th grader and well, it has been 6 long years but the feeling is as fresh as the first day it rose. I have lost many great people, friends along the path while trying to find the cure.

I've talked to many people, psychologists, and psychiatrists over these years and the advice I've been given last by those 'professionals' was to go get a girlfriend, that it'll stabilize my thoughts. I've never actually dated anyone before so, you could put up the stereotypical 16 year old male person image in your head so yup, that's me. I just can't seem to find my way out of this except well, you know...

 I know life has many doors to it which can lead to fantastic results, and I know I carry the potential to reach the lives I enyv now. However I am limited in many ways for reasons I've not made up or chosen. Living like this just breaks my heart and makes me question as why to pressure myself further to the future. ",4.7501467089611396,5.584404664948457,5.37536082474227,83.1035408406027,69.36082474226805,8.237272006344172,25.23235527359239,8.384062270229773,1.4417879460745449,771,20,155,11,13,249,127,194,0.054000000000000006,0.8059999999999999,0.139,0.952,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,3,0,4,7,8,1,1,12,1,13,3,2,5,1,31,26,13,1,2,6,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,2,11,7,0,1,10,0,0,3,3,3,2,1,8,1,18,5,24,16,0,26,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,3,14,95,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.12276418671611987,0.0,0.0,0.12293183972413935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879633838443594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704787164646416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044231829778236,0.0,0.0,0.08113160633098329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360905447866683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996071457727316,0.10700675247565124,0.0,0.0,0.0971939820979668,0.0,0.06572612885480884,0.0,0.07149593219751353,0.0,0.0,0.13869667672778896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910870614162698,0.0,0.0,0.14907546797120896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918079984185305,0.0,0.20741176114881696,0.10254507130711372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885737036444091,0.06146029336558057,0.0,0.2221701849010856,0.11133043205737524,0.0,0.0,0.13732727607319206,0.0,0.0,0.11903648873420347,0.0839735258599146,0.5101721927664419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702592738300048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200758721613992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744299396043961,0.10984507986512082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264653260124896,0.1409265511531302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934496775256868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452502594217162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406435996523693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111453791508523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987239562104834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541100923523627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420102629333207,0.19971086379496367,0.0,0.0,0.22622144192945506,0.0,0.1135163511209622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24303626249179264
suicidewatch,cloudyrain123,2018/01/02,"My strength is gone So... I must admit I feel pathetic for writing down those feelings of mine like this. I just can hold them in any longer. 

I'm sorry for writing so much. 

Tbh I have family and friends I could talk to but I don't trust anyone with those feelings. 

I've dealt with depression around 3-4 years ago and thought I was over it but lately it started acting up again.

I moved in with my s/o to be happy but now I'm on the verge of killing myself.

A few months ago I started a new job and everything was going well in the beginning but slowly everything got worse. 
My boss is abusive (yelling and insulting) towards me and my colleagues.
 Something I have a very hard time dealing with ever since my childhood but my job is a quite rare one and I wouldn't be able to find anything in that field if I quit. 
Now I'm thinking of going into a different occupation. 
One that will pay less but might make me happier but instead of getting support from my s/o I get told that I'm just lazy and living in a dream world. 
That everyone is unhappy in their jobs and gets abused that way. That I can only be happy if I earn a lot of money.
 
I'm being told that I have only 1 chance at getting into a different occupation and if that doesn't work out I'll be thrown out and left alone. 

I'm going back to work tomorrow after having Christmas off and I'm anxious beyond believe. 
I feel like no one is there to support me anymore and I'm not strong enough to support myself. 

There's been many struggles in my life I was able to overcome by myself but my strength is gone. 

If nothing changes I'll throw myself in front of a train. 

At this moment in my life I just want to die. 

",1.5181196871812257,3.5876266127167646,3.1117715062903777,90.8781366882013,80.5606936416185,5.804692281536893,24.049302958177492,6.923569853693429,0.8467948996939811,1312,48,277,15,34,432,181,346,0.16699999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.131,-0.9505,5,1,1,0,2,2,27.0,0,0,2,8,16,17,2,1,11,0,28,2,0,2,2,57,63,26,2,8,16,0,5,2,1,4,2,1,0,0,14,21,0,1,8,1,2,9,5,4,1,3,10,6,39,13,46,43,5,55,0,1,0,0,11,26,0,6,21,186,53,8,0.18315673712760944,0.2170107834849238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235739641847738,0.0,0.0,0.09484757124120244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227643097945584,0.0,0.0,0.10345748973084304,0.09082113377359133,0.06403372460293973,0.0,0.07536119434531242,0.0815241637634093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041811263022953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317746118100213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687777108217202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311787549852697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441327679661317,0.07887631465290702,0.0,0.09504388820946387,0.1913598073740206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462493516740472,0.0,0.0,0.08283787732650756,0.0,0.08750705566748251,0.16460946531570908,0.0,0.08633193561587114,0.0,0.18521909907182493,0.06542360480020534,0.0,0.0,0.08370096978528517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075322038243019,0.0,0.19138367126725947,0.0,0.15613829183742586,0.0,0.07324358718365387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497375245802814,0.08203623040841547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726322000764812,0.0,0.1013178963517283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330438861293714,0.0,0.09950016539926387,0.0,0.1293690200214572,0.08948113015640506,0.0,0.08086537723532887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785665407949602,0.0,0.0,0.06112927213402575,0.0928460919303841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715017703661563,0.0,0.0,0.07309698007902933,0.0973333128293658,0.06732063803653432,0.0,0.0,0.08844695901985716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878719145192291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616761781692293,0.13929895194421624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948097351436167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575457282072794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050150223470064,0.0,0.10251448597571504,0.1296392812414744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573759461845396,0.0,0.0,0.3117661421803173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360722372463921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867972080323354,0.0,0.072702995236627,0.05340008316328612,0.0,0.0,0.17501411133496506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556174492776536,0.05401529449264581,0.07269064634376246,0.0,0.0,0.08233995145878839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333402860151107,0.0,0.09332618132542347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897346684033598
suicidewatch,notgettingbetter,2018/01/02,"It's been too long. It's been nearly two decades since I realized I wasn't right. Nearly two decades of treatments, medications, doctors, self-improvement, whatever. Years spent fighting just to ""get by"" because it's what I'm supposed to do.

It's been eight months since I lost everything that gave me a reason to fight it. Eight months where I've cried everyday, where every attempt to step forward has failed, where everything I've tried to make myself happy hasn't worked.

In the past couple months, I took most of my money and spent it all on the things I'd always wanted. I quit my job, I bought an exotic car, I drove all over the country, I spent weeks in Europe, I visited friends and family all over, I made new friends overseas, I partied and danced and explored and did all these things that I'd always planned to do.

   

**And it all felt empty.** 

   

It's not that I *want* to die. I don't. It goes against every instinct I have, it'll hurt all the friends and family who care about me, it'll be awful and selfish and irreversible. I just don't want to be like *this* anymore, and I don't see any other way out.

I'm sitting here and writing my notes now. Putting my remaining financials in order and picking charities. I'm getting rid of any excuses I might have to hold myself back.

It's time to go.",2.3570468611847915,4.681095463601533,3.4253831417624525,88.3838925729443,79.03831417624521,6.774005305039787,25.74727379899793,7.882392219407189,1.581898202180961,1040,41,207,18,26,334,142,261,0.116,0.79,0.095,-0.5302,1,0,0,0,3,1,50.0,0,0,0,6,10,12,2,0,6,1,19,2,0,4,6,36,41,12,1,3,3,0,1,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,22,13,0,1,4,1,5,10,6,6,0,4,15,2,25,6,25,21,7,38,0,3,1,0,10,14,0,2,14,128,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600995015690464,0.2552358805082087,0.0,0.16019309467912585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168091864983236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056793401841694,0.0,0.07179948488187668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008772085929215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032476050600725,0.1293792053035342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222402628342137,0.0,0.0,0.12055599432670586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984746843408156,0.0,0.21171171218127885,0.0,0.2220708495724121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309024740015265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27299679397125426,0.0,0.12307361745516765,0.0,0.06693885036432952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538230072046375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608924520403306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688155308128673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754287348238076,0.0,0.0,0.10423433758297054,0.0,0.0,0.1285741678087256,0.0,0.0,0.11144921763186913,0.07862113422863336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186540824096976,0.0,0.12494925659158568,0.0,0.0,0.2820400414665937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375565247968987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243729692596413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840454797959266,0.0,0.12527682566046394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110064412964375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058612432751736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938578817217406,0.0,0.12287346143018345,0.0,0.0,0.1948627958505024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649971676035113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868027312669417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130861358531238,0.07996699379860221,0.0,0.2301139493983824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841457310637496,0.09349074287730597,0.09447849870701636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574750000207458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584845509392403
suicidewatch,Meyv,2018/01/02,"A cry for help I've written this so many times, so many different ways, as suicide notes I never delivered, always threw away, as a kind of hint no one ever understood, as a literal cry for help no one ever listened... and I don’t know if anyone here will listen but it's my last hope, someone, that listens

My parents tell me that it's impolite to talk about mental illness, all the therapy I ever got was afforded by me, it wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me to get medicated on some pills that make me feel empty. Empty as in, literal nothing. I can't think, I'm not willing to move, I'm not willing to eat, I can't sleep, right now I've been awake for 32 hours; my parents think I slept. I pretended to.

I'm 20 yo, I've accomplished nothing in life, had a boyfriend who I thought was my best friend who ""recently"" (2 months ago) left me out of his own craziness, not believing my words, not believing I loved him, I needed him, and that he was my one and only. I think it's always been a recurring thing. No one ever believes me, and I have no idea why. When I cry ""suicide"", whoever hears it brushes it off as a joke. It's not a joke, whoever reads this please tell me you know this isn't a joke. I would never joke about wanting to die, being afraid of living more than I am afraid of dying. It's not a joke I've written and thought about so many ways I could kill myself. It's not a joke. I wish it was. 

I haven't slept in 32 hours. I feel no will. The only thing that's keeping me here, on a very, very thin rope that's already half broken is my long distance boyfriend who I've known for almost 3 years now and who has no idea of how I feel either. I've written more than a dozen suicide notes to him, and I never sent them to him out of pity. I think he would miss me and that's not right but I can't keep living like this anymore. 

I'm tired. I can't rest. I can't feel. I laugh but it's a fake laugh, it's not me, I'm not myself anymore, me who's writing right now is someone who I don't recognize because I thought I'd never need to cry for help again but here I am, crying for help, for something that keeps me here tonight. I'm empty and I'm not afraid of dying. My anxiety keeps me from doing it everytime. I think if I calm down my anxiety by taking my anxiety pills more often I could do it and be relieved once and for all. Stop hurting. Stop feeling empty.

Please help me.
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suicidewatch,Froggyrenile,2018/01/02,Please kill me Please please please please please please please please  please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please,60.065887850467284,18.87207409345795,37.94,13.630000000000026,32.364485981308405,42.8,107.0,3.1291,13.7454,636,0,107,0,1,107,3,107,0.019,0.004,0.977,0.9996,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.00959843455452688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9999539339660116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeMoistBadger,2018/01/02,Gonna do it after my holiday in June I'll be going to Austria for my first f1 race with the girl I love but she told me she just wants to be friends with me I can't do just friends but don't wanna not go so I'll do it and after the holiday I've decided to jump my local bridge ,0.6559090909090912,1.2899727727272747,3.5034545454545487,93.45518181818184,78.84848484848484,7.098181818181819,22.29090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.5665854545454541,217,6,57,3,5,78,42,66,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,13,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,9,3,10,9,0,9,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33418197838316543,0.0,0.0,0.6070734130881552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465634460507593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545878955650851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754119364900713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23172972911601364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moniquehall,2018/01/02,"I lost my best friend 6 months ago 6 months ago, I lost one of my really good friends to suicide.  She was hard-of-hearing and a selective mute.  I want to do something in her memory on her birthday (Jan 8th)  The catch?  I'm 15 and I want to do some sort of suicide line for the deaf/hard-of-hearing.  What do you think?  Can I pull it off or no?",-0.4772999999999996,1.3483049200000004,1.7542500000000023,99.183375,86.46666666666668,5.3500000000000005,20.041666666666664,6.6274283507984215,-0.027633333333333617,259,8,66,3,8,87,51,75,0.191,0.603,0.206,-0.1947,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,3,0,11,4,9,8,2,9,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31846036268108485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885094479465571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775616845415136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506641985800555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218244227262048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049096498432331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39217232649190986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867561478610957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217211912264598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507487276828235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828710281454662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929697225053176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509894579028755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118995580603671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmeinthetrash17,2018/01/02,"Seriously considering ending it within the next few hours I’m worthless and I know I always will be. I know with certainty that I am a burden and I’ll just continue to drag everyone down if I stay. I already have a note written. This is for the best. 

There’s some cheap champagne leftover from New Years, might as well go out with a buzz. ",1.382941176470588,3.89186994117647,3.169117647058826,87.48102941176472,84.88235294117645,6.341176470588236,23.20588235294117,7.6454224807358475,1.2795823529411765,268,10,54,5,8,89,55,68,0.138,0.7070000000000001,0.155,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,2,9,7,3,11,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089478813662823,0.0,0.2329529622593032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29380555957071597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479655244655165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26751815863674777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911032547194906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757087217059985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077224284772772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29699818230459685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703915408138287,0.2977455123327125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29840499719303204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517217843575513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028801377457954
suicidewatch,neptuneagent,2018/01/02,"Thinking of ending it. Decided not to because I want to donate my organs and I don't think I can do that if I kill myself. First time posting here.

Have been struggling with depression for awhile, haven't gone to doctors because I hate pills. It has been okay but lately, it gets worse and a few days ago I started thinking of ending my own life. Might be triggered by a death of a singer by suicide last month.

I found myself sitting in my room thinking perhaps I should do it too, it does seem to be a better way to go and perhaps I can start finding a more peaceful way to go. Tried talking about it to SO but he didn't listen/didn't get it. 

This thought keeps re-appearing in my mind throughout the weekend. My work/school doesn't work out, have just found another problem today and it stresses me out even more. Feel incompetent in the field and guilty because of it.

I took half-day off because I couldn't concentrate. Walked home. On my way home, I thought of the organ donation online class that I am taking right now. I have always wanted to donate my organs after I die, and from the information I learned from that online classes, I realized that I am not going to be able to do that if I kill myself.

Perhaps not today.

But the idea still lingers.",2.5218373493975896,4.772358538152608,3.478739959839359,88.60076054216871,78.07630522088355,5.595783132530121,25.636044176706825,6.6274283507984215,1.0170092369477908,992,38,192,9,24,317,138,249,0.205,0.7559999999999999,0.038,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,3,2,10,1,23,3,0,1,0,43,47,12,5,7,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,15,9,0,1,16,1,3,6,8,7,0,1,9,1,30,2,30,32,4,37,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,4,17,134,45,5,0.1092486405392352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684232815225548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090362065476668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455672516983373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26638782905398783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662154456034924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091267046654735,0.0,0.09409569401284212,0.0,0.11338284074380092,0.0,0.0,0.11182061285317896,0.0956042215494816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935237376065896,0.0,0.0,0.0721576967276968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055239395211000776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985127824686048,0.09292683783297956,0.0,0.2395709909013072,0.0,0.0,0.11415581122079407,0.0,0.1862655601630697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786041471658396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917058810106502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332841737856645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710521138309207,0.2417348684478812,0.0,0.0,0.0890522232612918,0.12323722506409485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716554567900087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589554319262195,0.11030998365800276,0.0,0.08720122258558975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046299985230542,0.0,0.0,0.10453619464486516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329774209607636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056545673226106,0.0,0.09945585925493428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465350014667525,0.0,0.08724610545685528,0.0,0.12514394862506725,0.11421039951454615,0.0,0.11950028097804807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214138152443455,0.08780991900048413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800084703631154,0.0,0.1734624347931713,0.06370376085272267,0.0,0.2071098742458984,0.0,0.12137925941788764,0.07417265565703372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288753574494301,0.26014945726320043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906862291518448,0.0,0.11133369808195544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrivilegedBastard,2018/01/02,"I need advice on how to help a friend About an hour ago I got a really scary message from my best friend. From what I can tell he has been writing this for a year at least but it started off as a suicide note but it got better and more positive but at the end it went full blown suicide note again. I sent a few replies but nothing back and he didn’t answer any calls but I’m struggling with what to say and do. The message revealed some pretty grim stuff that I’m sad to say I didn’t know.

Turns out he regularly cuts himself and attempted suicide a year ago and has a very messed up family life. 

I don’t know what to do because the last section of his message is addressed to me by name and it’s an apology/goodbye. Any advice is very welcome.",2.7516666666666687,3.9591006369426793,3.943073248407648,90.09554405520173,74.47770700636944,6.7619957537154995,27.09607218683652,7.1686216300943375,1.1826607218683651,588,22,129,6,12,192,97,157,0.215,0.642,0.142,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,1,1,12,0,11,1,0,1,0,22,22,13,3,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,10,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,7,2,10,5,19,15,7,20,0,2,0,0,19,8,0,1,10,83,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27801286609884385,0.2521945868303497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934716757794132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938255485681504,0.0,0.08671514017517402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928408024865636,0.12580981361268512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525459589429873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599252821252566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410197079528385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198061754485358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754289752397244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534812265746748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400889860510152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635531122771842,0.11595388648854205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047637887979076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054776192326223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364940659620404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144720825892259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112989681989003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226248064099334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068628128714036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871206148625266,0.16284383291808793,0.4667998678220691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433400371410827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472868728838685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474462466890514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186848369949875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832104903359886
suicidewatch,JulieKO,2018/01/02,"I have so many things to be happy about, but I need to die, the urge is eating at me stronger than ever.. I think I became a regular on this sub.. I'm so sorry for all of you who are struggling, I wish I could take the pain away from each one once I go..

My poor parents, who wished to have a child so much, who showered me with love and affection, who gave so much, I am so fucking sorry for them, because the last thing I want is to cause them pain.. but I can't anymore. Mommy, I can't, my love for you is endless, but I've tried meds, I've tried talking, I just don't want to hurt anymore.

You guys are all so wonderful, I honestly, I swear I wish none of you had to go through this.. my heart breaks for all of us.",2.73423076923077,2.731288576923081,4.1093846153846165,93.3856153846154,73.48717948717949,7.2656410256410275,25.215384615384608,6.742157984588678,0.6258199999999992,542,15,136,4,10,180,89,156,0.128,0.619,0.253,0.9778,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,4,2,0,9,9,1,1,5,0,14,7,1,2,4,22,30,10,1,7,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,8,3,1,0,2,0,1,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,27,4,21,26,7,8,0,1,0,3,18,3,1,1,2,95,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557706150879053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115424524322553,0.0,0.0,0.0786076804477014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246878417442776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295733610196936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383137127687625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319496493426882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664407806885428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192136489627584,0.0,0.0,0.14657229832867238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276823284607372,0.0,0.1372713445653094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280823183477835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380453231829848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051127408356526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327676538334229,0.0,0.0,0.1307366526646891,0.0,0.0,0.14323612469486954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958848324487004,0.09561595553294228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373292139818321,0.08738092141488281,0.0,0.27442712539421066,0.0,0.14318545857079368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887014513471456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480817979899912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695553274090267,0.10364638771134982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713393869815729,0.08262695949405628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509930343443267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511286183678608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211795451683294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448638261144121,0.0,0.13984247742344533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ev3lynator,2018/01/02,"I don't know what to do. I have had pretty bad depression the past year. The reasons are not that important, but I really have considered killing myself for a long time now. I don't know how I want to kill myself, but I am really looking forward to it. My friend (who I have told how I feel) is really worried about me, because I mean so much to her. But I don't really care anymore. 

I think lot of personal problems will be gone when I am, but I don't want to hurt my family that much.

I have thought about attending therapy or get professional help, but I don't have any trust in these people, or people in general.

I would really appreciate help, thanks.",4.09061821219716,4.832265112781958,5.877092731829574,79.24758563074356,70.80451127819549,10.422389306599834,28.311612364243945,10.504223727775694,2.92734820384294,512,18,106,15,9,177,79,133,0.232,0.603,0.165,-0.8526,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,0,3,0,19,0,0,3,0,23,33,11,2,4,8,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,4,2,22,4,11,26,3,11,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,3,7,77,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073485652644844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690716433750334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368405322780746,0.09029990740532487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103047176384066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275858958988311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964568956728218,0.0,0.07490000260738029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444643490182504,0.0,0.0773928690332794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985795474665181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857839628603596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277722757079585,0.0,0.1628189736840887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310921805035601,0.12439359282683025,0.0,0.0,0.12593655023221575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135920139652812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177881650320132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140877915800168,0.2053921888676418,0.12934317033536075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070352364412698,0.0,0.14174234206508365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744858411154824,0.15230439284658834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363800662691243,0.16940188019087815,0.0,0.0,0.09491702018177267,0.0,0.11760028118214876,0.08637697490610187,0.0,0.0,0.1415464977532791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474421238897014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043526168231475,0.0,0.10522874030132172,0.0,0.0,0.09539216727092567
suicidewatch,fishdish69,2018/01/02,Ive lost all hope im looking for someone that feels the same. Im done with life I dont want help I just want someone like me. Im going insane and I have accepted that. I just feel lonely that I cant find someone that feels like me. PM,-2.0933333333333337,-0.2579430185185174,0.8091666666666661,101.28375000000004,99.55555555555556,3.4407407407407407,16.00925925925926,5.148860815047168,-0.9726962962962968,183,5,46,1,8,63,33,54,0.221,0.598,0.181,-0.0521,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,14,14,1,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,4,8,4,2,12,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831646514897407,0.21567020093092745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791382936680732,0.13146400488977572,0.0,0.0,0.1681910487007766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458287048067677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233448021974659,0.0,0.0,0.18277349300012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963198973992603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299788473336535,0.1798058631643509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453054755746662,0.0,0.20087969043260154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467758931573635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170796598869641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bylem,2018/01/02,"I got knocked down, I'm not entirely sure if I want to get back up again... We're drowning in debt. I've been out of work more than I've been in it the last 15 months. Apart from a brief 2.5 week period of wedding day and honeymoon I don't remember the last time I was happy.

I put out applications for all kinds of jobs, stuff in my field, stuff out of it. I've even applied for burger flipper roles in a McDonald's ffs. I have a useless degree, and I have no hope.

I got calls for interview and then they say they don't want to take me on for first line support roles, would rather put me forward for a second line role, but have no idea when that role will open up...

I am the fattest most useless lump and waste of space I have ever been.

I think, honestly, I'm done.",3.1126552106430125,3.5470695670731733,4.255033259423502,91.1108093126386,72.84146341463416,7.914855875831485,25.274944567627486,8.00094639256281,1.0748121951219511,595,17,142,8,11,195,103,164,0.123,0.797,0.08,-0.7734,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,6,8,0,0,7,0,14,1,0,0,3,23,25,8,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,1,4,5,2,0,2,7,1,16,6,25,16,3,31,0,2,0,0,10,15,0,3,14,88,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105288117519315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403171210258306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991554135904727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441269685824587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256975363233393,0.15416690519784865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497069217946829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904449648190832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27262256171017185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142968519575475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927897304749634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239873485099815,0.0,0.0,0.16912900193151212,0.0,0.0,0.1774803172814714,0.0,0.2778521845220541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360384350950371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426655874432686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930679902664989,0.0,0.0,0.1355356011721468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902112821091697,0.0,0.1934059749662844,0.16063160566679174,0.0,0.12814482031098345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109206938251827,0.0,0.0,0.0993811747027614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105224938246696,0.0,0.13671151494019335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240776556364488,0.0,0.0,0.12107110529172282,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brbdr8ke,2018/01/02,"i'm feeling wrong again hey everyone~ 

hope you're all starting this year full of goals and happiness 😊

i feel weird talking about this here, but i don't have  anywhere else to put this, or anyone i can tell

so i've been struggling with an eating disorder for about 4 years, i've told very few people about it and this last few weeks i've been feeling really huge, absolutely ugly, like a fat ugly scary monster

it always happens though during this time because of all the food i end up eating, and i'm usually used to it but it's been very hard for some reason this year

i've been crying non-stop and my eyes are red and swell, my body is incredibly huge, my mind is foggy and i feel really alone

i realized that i will never get over it if i don't agree to get help, but every time i try to reach out for help everyone tells me it's impossible for me to feel that way since they do not see me fat or unhealthy at all

and i'm so tired now i've relapsed, i feel so misunderstood, so weird

my bpd is not making the situation any better and i've been reading that we are one of the worst kind of people to deal with and i feel like the worst piece of shit that has ever existed

i feel i'm a huge burden for my family, i feel like everyone can't stand me, i feel like they wish i could be the girl i used to be but i can't and i feel so wrong 

i wish i was normal again so badly, i wish meds worked and i wish people didn't tell me they wish i just wasn't quite the way i am

i feel so sorry for all of the people i hurt

i just feel really tired of trying and i don't think anyone will ever love me because bpd is the absolute worst kind of personality disorder and there is no cure for it and neither there is for anorexia and i feel so helpless

i feel so bad i just want to die and i don't know what to do anymore",2.8653318292912218,3.392829406091373,4.596542583192331,88.09864542207184,73.46700507614212,7.867493889828916,22.96822711035909,8.045849151850463,0.8863028012784357,1422,33,331,20,27,484,174,394,0.258,0.596,0.146,-0.9964,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,3,4,24,24,1,1,11,0,33,11,5,4,7,72,71,33,1,10,12,0,16,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,18,20,5,0,19,1,0,1,13,14,0,1,9,19,47,10,34,57,13,28,0,2,3,1,16,8,1,5,20,205,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887372237538747,0.0,0.0,0.05533314862903922,0.0,0.0,0.04522213443822755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594991807890342,0.09299639227976457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104908620114554,0.08107530388691113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881365612740085,0.0,0.07386627026188776,0.1675083035201219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309466749503928,0.0,0.073046891658681,0.0,0.06855835873861338,0.0,0.0,0.06901627826999475,0.0,0.15242903065031865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360917642818276,0.055552037625073165,0.0,0.058899071671195874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203057261349006,0.056028937301095136,0.19063018417001776,0.0,0.0,0.06269007933388547,0.0,0.5043643438026689,0.14252237990409355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041180445393058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948678637496625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058805540599148165,0.07079025810335295,0.05957074581808657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891468087796946,0.0,0.0,0.0660492916612479,0.0,0.0,0.07118939563846792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849858643655205,0.036546542929273416,0.05420620069883937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995374442547558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001865263707806,0.0,0.04438912312537381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386627026188776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714582628337909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051288734072478866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515567043829848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506197560646304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844103123350484,0.05806504758396633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685065167828896,0.0,0.07073070737986208,0.06651778117373279,0.0,0.1278043960304412,0.06837285490184508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052991719197505366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826107407255368,0.05500930966226336,0.07474854500720328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444106532355567,0.04706889036970605,0.0,0.0,0.055596798247129764,0.0,0.06952001433827325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345000852727756,0.1743712305757817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042610377332587976,0.06533570150525073,0.0,0.07755311927298109,0.15286344157835668,0.0,0.06354339472333928,0.0,0.09029797823495124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486892658089085,0.07324011858528755,0.1097385747310313,0.03922329637150675,0.1055688686605593,0.05334211663253843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823573566550329,0.0,0.0,0.04841263577063562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454141520198032,0.0,0.12847104452510152
suicidewatch,oliveoflife,2018/01/02,"this month i will try it this month, in my house.i am gonna realese home use city gas in my home and wait to sleep",7.692692307692307,3.188405961538461,6.803846153846155,92.59115384615387,66.30769230769229,10.4,33.69230769230769,3.1291,1.3256615384615382,89,2,25,0,1,27,21,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6769909438530431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5387076659769282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376992970991692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911019492354054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29145328249906605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,revilo93,2018/01/02,I want to end my life But of course I don't have the courage to. I went down to the river today and so desperately just wanted to throw myself in. I care about my family and what it would do to them but I cant bear feeling like this anymore. Months upon years of just crying alone by myself. There's no joy in my life anymore and my life has no purpose or meaning. I am a burden to all of my friends and it's clear to me now that even they cant help me. I'm a weak and useless person but all I want is the strength to go through with this,1.6824166666666684,2.5106297416666687,3.3766666666666687,94.60166666666667,76.58333333333334,6.0,22.5,5.82211442006289,0.059000000000000614,419,11,103,2,9,140,75,120,0.244,0.603,0.153,-0.9002,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,2,1,7,9,0,0,5,0,9,4,0,0,3,21,18,10,0,4,6,0,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,1,1,18,6,19,16,2,12,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087295434656266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997372529736901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054784263601291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213768012188668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785002453253677,0.0,0.0,0.13311200710882495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899893194078609,0.0,0.10190218232383742,0.14397668789108906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557054882469365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453701957866988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508470325289632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270505211831495,0.0984598509056032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195307635238668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086336298281328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597264174939245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103167301033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35661180182271995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186825020697574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316472505484834,0.0,0.0,0.1297819717372084
suicidewatch,eli_dutch,2018/01/02,"Dead or missing This is a hypothetical but what would be worse for a family, to have someone go missing or to have someone die?",10.098399999999998,6.770302840000002,10.68,63.02000000000001,60.6,13.2,45.0,11.20814326018867,4.961799999999998,101,5,19,2,1,35,19,25,0.479,0.521,0.0,-0.9481,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008450860561991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36410265629154137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950303944604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6545017473482316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39360070268001546,0.2743662477563552,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CorgiQRF,2018/01/02,"Dreading going through the process of interviewing for a job again Graduated last May, got first interview call in October, got to second interview and then rejected in December. The process for that one company alone was exhausting for me and now I have to start all over. I really don't want to start this whole process again",9.638248587570622,9.203916779661023,8.880000000000003,66.42587570621471,59.16949152542373,14.646327683615821,43.39548022598871,13.5591,6.221063276836159,266,14,46,10,3,84,45,59,0.203,0.797,0.0,-0.8934,1,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,10,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,3,0,3,0,11,6,2,12,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,8,34,5,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010239171312917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967843449401374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472252407000436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518209026693206,0.0,0.4649158904175065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28842352604699817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369171042946375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695076645922172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861967021810078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114446341926072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143185977663827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244983753695443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asdfqqqqkkkjn,2018/01/02,"I'm probably going to leave this world this week I'm max, i'm 14 i have autism, depression and anxiety. my family moved from utah to colorado this summer and one of the main reasons was to help me get better at going to school. i've never been too good at going consisitently. always faked sick to get out of going. 6th and 7th grade were pretty hard because i never went a full day, and i got an IEP plan to help not go full days. i would stay in a little room by a library with my nanny and just sit out the entire day. sometimes i did school work. how pathetic is that. in 8th grade though the beggining of the year was going ok, i went i think 2 full days, and then stopped. then i started going to only one class and doing some work on a chrome book. 



overall it was going ok. i don't know what has happened in the past couple of days. i'm probably just doing all this bullshit for attention. my only friends are ones i met online through video games. one lives in iowa she's really cool and i really like her, she's really dope. i have a few others that i talk to frequently but that's not important. my life has revolved around my computer for as long as i can remember.


i tried cutting. medicine has helped a lot. it's stopped. i don't know what to do



i have a mom and a dad and an older sister and a younger brother, all that really love me, which is the reason i'm still here and didn't leave a few months ago. i'm  ready to leave this place and find out what's on the other side. i'm done with this shit dude",1.0507699843260203,3.0732727241379334,2.835116575235112,92.49164038009407,81.94670846394985,6.11916144200627,19.373138714733546,7.292943589461545,0.34675932601880843,1185,30,263,17,32,393,170,319,0.101,0.8140000000000001,0.086,-0.1738,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,4,8,12,2,0,19,3,24,4,1,3,4,42,51,20,0,1,5,4,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,18,19,0,2,8,3,0,11,7,4,0,4,12,2,27,8,35,38,10,55,0,1,0,1,15,20,1,2,23,164,45,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079800989211522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584319564628172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697286673441975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114185538211456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055563530064053714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806138045432433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085453621818327,0.0,0.29391753480926874,0.0,0.07850642338649721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327698206490688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592708114039158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330845325038053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042142244784115,0.0,0.09524308781340818,0.0,0.4144162126834913,0.07645138192252635,0.07290011064904424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060268087484034,0.0,0.08165152068546777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328558089603444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018611534878226,0.0,0.0,0.2895406073016185,0.0,0.0,0.06438117135412108,0.04453075375081622,0.09135515438840068,0.08048615824004611,0.08066391784741071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749154452154287,0.08226545076799062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675250280328566,0.07275419105990305,0.09687686728541836,0.0,0.0,0.14059931845872525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470594438817348,0.13864570811593974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701194915736349,0.0,0.0,0.09523121182177174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927312109986228,0.19654788470410064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335693052658281,0.1874325224461932,0.0,0.0,0.103253947618461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449512805463067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356304718204704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014860354038852,0.0,0.06451566826778257,0.09715261125869393,0.07279163797744098,0.15240914176176104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326204191283389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840454166566868,0.08955334215969839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188412732167354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311415829724198,0.0,0.0,0.16899190715108756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271498541030158,0.0,0.0,0.06474957110521032,0.0,0.0,0.05869691017779235
suicidewatch,aliabdullah124,2018/01/02,"2018 is gonna be my last year. Almost everyday i always find reasons to kill myself. Things get better but only for a short amount of time.The way my family and my parents treat me , its just horrible. I had so much trouble in 2017 just because of education( grades) and i'm pretty sure 2018 is gonna be even worse. I took exams in last July even tho i wasnt prepared ( why? : because i was sick , i got sick in 2015 and in sep 16 i was able to walk).So the result came out in Nov 2017 , i failed in 1 subject out of 6. Since then all i hear from everyone around me is that , i am worthless , i faked my illness , i play videogames a little too much ..... bla bla shit like that. I made 4 attempts in 2017 idk how tf i survived. In this country grades are considered everything , even more powerful than knowledge . My Aunt always makes fun of me just because his son got better grades than me.
In 2018 i have to take exams like 4 times and i'm already getting stressed out. I cant do anything, im being punished  to complete 2 years of school in 180 days just because i was sick and i got an F in 1 subject , if i failled again i will be banned forever to get any sort of education. How the fuck am i supposed to do that ? Everyday i get insulted at school just because i was sick and i failed in just 1 subject. I cant do this anymore!, i get criticized for everything i do. If am playing videogames , my parents always say that i got paralyzed because of playing videogames. if am driving , they always point out every mistake of mine. Theyre never staisfied with anything that i do. There's no way i can move out and live alone , this never happens in this country . If i did that i will probably get a job that only gets you $80 per month and i'm probably gonna die because at some point im gonna have little to no money. There's only a week left in my exams and i am unable to do anything. I have so manyreasons to commit suicide reason , my existence is just pointless  I am so tired of this pain. I am pretty sure this is gonna be my last year.",2.1160820797044093,3.7639993301662713,3.7979117181314335,88.6625260622856,77.07600950118764,6.4830034309844295,26.65881499076273,7.279313950308263,1.300216099234626,1582,63,334,19,36,529,193,421,0.239,0.649,0.112,-0.9967,4,1,1,0,0,3,51.0,0,1,1,7,21,24,5,1,7,0,39,9,1,7,6,49,66,21,3,5,12,4,0,2,0,7,7,2,0,0,15,17,0,1,4,3,1,4,7,13,0,0,14,2,54,11,46,40,6,50,0,3,0,1,10,28,2,7,18,205,69,11,0.07727530355072161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738005411157665,0.08003390946636127,0.08527521904037254,0.0,0.2571969717988005,0.0,0.0,0.052549856297560975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663633662883178,0.0,0.0,0.1907729716189977,0.06879140347588719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32974415460758577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668745255935855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838236088626625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102168554875673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049836177963855706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019956488862391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311882758351944,0.0,0.06510777609799623,0.07383986410309629,0.13890012018210302,0.0,0.07284827886172414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062822748519784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143977293498995,0.28261209679301896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721647793134474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833429572429403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709488329965749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694117668689112,0.0,0.07668381499914574,0.0,0.08549367409013685,0.0,0.0,0.18896905857363624,0.0,0.0,0.08395984341234568,0.0,0.0,0.0755056199770606,0.15490031021695536,0.06823550878447791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311976065836599,0.05158186517267276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168041004478629,0.0821314182862541,0.11361247904033013,0.0,0.11919895593933938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631405152659352,0.08222637129196887,0.0,0.17161015935491464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461002788817868,0.0,0.0,0.15723352936837046,0.16663169427590172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589037644675478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145242298710929,0.0,0.15641346544978185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932198861886483,0.06392292963811004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851859913135429,0.0,0.0,0.08452663979519974,0.0,0.14566211816180452,0.0,0.058101411239956775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133827798781572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011970186391086,0.08881659377517982,0.0,0.0,0.08585570557201108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267507817850615,0.061985587333933424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972894204994153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875013613206219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928828574895212
suicidewatch,child_0fwolf,2018/01/02,"Happy fucking new year /s Why can't I ever catch a fucking break???
Why does life continuously shit on me???
Why?
I figured that us getting a place to live like that was a long shot, but why can't I just get a fucking break just fucking once?
Am I truly this horrible of a person?
Have I really fucked up my own life so badly that I'm just going to get shit on for the rest of it?
I know I'm a fuck up, but does that really mean I need to be miserable forever?
6 of us living in a 1 bedroom shit shack with two people who don't want us there...

So... Can I kill myself now?
I'm ready to be done.",-0.8839440203562319,1.0093009618320643,2.3182900763358774,93.99662086514,89.0,5.325394402035624,17.13027989821883,6.742157984588678,-0.16028284987277353,450,11,109,6,15,161,80,131,0.311,0.613,0.076,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,3,0,0,0,8,14,10,1,8,0,10,11,3,0,1,12,27,4,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,12,0,1,2,0,14,2,14,23,2,16,0,1,0,6,5,6,9,0,7,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658184054960627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149016180658506,0.1061170251093629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379898163726733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751917656737964,0.16253066271948718,0.0,0.058932834598545376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038633543491064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147242759729824,0.0,0.05698861757061537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648712310184842,0.050660634695770895,0.0,0.1831309608403046,0.09176770952641793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295535909381893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688928067115475,0.0,0.10015025677536256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043287095070912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188975976522509,0.09054335993929886,0.10834026436504968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328606440891451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193274055613294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129593834449437,0.0,0.3742006123245513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116259590135585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742780960662669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667768333975957
suicidewatch,Throwawayipdaily,2018/01/02,"Guess I should tell someone 45, been suicidal on and off my whole life. First attempted at 11. Maternal grandfather committed suicide. Mother/myself have depression.

 
I have figured out how to kill myself and my cats (there will be nowhere for them to go,they are 16, and the female will be unadoptable. Better I soothe them and me at the end)


My dysfunctional parents fucked me up, and I ran with it as an adult. 
Long story short, within a week or so, I won’t be able to work anymore. Through a number of bad choices and a horrible 20+year relationship, I owe the taxman, and my wages will be siezed. Recently out of that relationship, too depressed to do anything but work, and laundry, I’ve been unable to save any money. I’ll be homeless next month. My parents cannot/will not help.

 
I’ve always figured I would kill myself. I believe it would only hurt 1 person to find out I’m dead. Sure, others would be sad. But I’ve reached out to most people I know, and still have no good reasons to go on


I am sad and crying, yet solid in my choice. 


Today, I will empty my car and go to the local Home Depot and buy some hose. Tonight, I will cook a steak over a driftwood fire on the beach. 
Tomorrow I will finish up some important work for my boss
Then some time during the next 7 days, I will load up the car with my 2 cats, drive out to a rural, remote area, and hook up my hose to my tailpipe. I’ve already  made a thing to go in my back window. I will take all the pills I have and soothe my cats to sleep. Then I will turn the engine on and pass out from the pills. I’m not going to fail this time


I have posted here to give the universe/god/karma a chance to step in


I’d rather be dead than homeless again",2.9476340996168564,4.29099489367816,4.017126436781609,89.21829501915711,74.20114942528734,6.764750957854407,23.80842911877395,7.2427474758485975,0.8155107279693492,1325,38,283,14,27,430,192,348,0.179,0.733,0.08800000000000001,-0.9904,4,0,0,0,0,4,48.0,0,0,2,7,10,14,3,0,20,0,31,6,1,4,3,50,46,23,6,5,6,2,1,0,0,14,3,0,2,2,6,23,1,0,5,2,4,10,4,10,0,1,4,1,37,4,48,21,6,57,0,6,0,1,11,25,1,6,21,182,43,6,0.11084823247776876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223237809551328,0.0,0.0922346092882651,0.0,0.0,0.07538059923274132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993166080934744,0.0,0.0,0.09121865044769084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523544852235451,0.0925536439851731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248879990200878,0.0,0.09803625364052207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176157834482622,0.07148793970268845,0.0,0.1909468404111921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817863247679426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131327629962883,0.09428744991874427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247740474107564,0.0,0.10633572519306234,0.3149880250781793,0.092974238243584,0.0,0.0,0.12211182521449332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429923364938995,0.0,0.1111898151876363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866532548512634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452742914093305,0.0,0.06091928963806141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782953847707408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809719755237388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488727776859924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847800160992997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577670557177316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843050758120019,0.0,0.0,0.2461676883253457,0.0,0.0,0.07684820730598943,0.09678840098394466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616196543211744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397044473419518,0.10944925674138893,0.2380190357763526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092828574558346,0.0,0.09392134766230284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852354164524531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424999498690529,0.0,0.10447314727535063,0.0,0.0833440755905388,0.0,0.09688624101918962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364264016984988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292729915513184,0.0,0.10507116324530287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205710460645644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891576583135566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237580929428311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420965003196781,0.0,0.0,0.2362302118831382,0.0,0.0,0.07138262741362332
suicidewatch,SouthShorelivin,2018/01/02,"I have been planning My life was pretty hectic. My childhood horrible and full of abuses of all kinds. I tried to be normal but developed drug habits. Had to leave and get clean, so the family I created was also a wreck and I am no longer welcomed.
 I've been clean a while, even got offered an old job back
They fired me. I have nothing. Under my ""new clear thinking frshly cleared mind"" I decided to eliminate the debt I created while younger. Well now I have nothing and more bills than I can think of. I friend lets me stay in his basement. My child hates visiting. My girlfriend is afraid to use the bathroom here because it is not ""my house"". The room is not free so that debt is adding up. I do not want to do any of this anymore. Anything. I figure Ill hang myself. Wear a diaper and put a plastic tarp down so there isnt much to clean. Nothing ever gets better. As long as I remember over my 31 ears is that I am always in pain and have never been happy. 
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suicidewatch,Just_trixia,2018/01/02,I just wanna die I woke up very okay and now im just torn to pieces..... let me die please,-3.127142857142857,-1.5480265714285686,-0.4980952380952371,111.10142857142858,100.42857142857143,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.8188857142857144,66,0,20,0,3,22,17,21,0.359,0.476,0.165,-0.7436,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7158969327842826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725477704009865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526803850562653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785931583262529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845760124543661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,holographic-girl,2018/01/02,"What method of attempting suicide is best? I’m considering, but don’t want to do anything disfiguring or that involves much pain. I just want peace.",4.003333333333334,7.044391555555558,4.527407407407409,78.63333333333334,77.8888888888889,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222214,8.841846274778883,3.1186888888888893,120,6,21,3,3,38,24,27,0.203,0.508,0.289,0.2617,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348612080608577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270383530873468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991336638993145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329925008498536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451053911086673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480024949835351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamieskrt,2018/01/02,"I don't know if I can do it anymore So, it's as been almost a year since my ex broke up with me, se were dating for six years( from16-22, i'm 23 now), and I was almost sure that I would marry her someday, that was my biggest dream. It still is.
When se broke up I got very suicidal, I even took near 30 pills to end it all,but I ended up just getting very sleepy and in a fucking bad body feeling.
I'm living with these fucking depression since she left, three months ago I completely lost my libido and thought that I had turned gay overninght (thats called HOCD) at the time my brain was always in such pressure that I could not process all the information right, so I got these obssesive compulsive thoughts that was gay, at this point anxiety got her time to shine in my already ""great"" life.
Nowadays, I'm just numb. I can't feel love for anything, not even my own family, I don't have nobody that I can classify as important to me. Besides, I don't even now what I want to do with my life. I look up and I don't see any bright future ahead for me. I lost interest in everything to quickly, and all I do is existing.
I've been numb for some time now, and the idea of suicide is more appealing at each day, and I know I've the guts to do it so, hopefully 2018 will be my last year.",7.177222222222222,4.5525455740740775,7.432407407407408,81.85083333333334,65.48148148148148,11.222222222222225,34.35185185185185,9.516144504307137,2.7136296296296294,995,32,230,15,12,326,148,270,0.157,0.7859999999999999,0.057,-0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,3,15,17,2,1,6,0,27,13,3,0,3,34,51,14,2,5,5,1,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,16,11,0,0,8,1,0,1,7,11,0,2,16,6,35,6,29,31,6,38,0,5,4,5,7,16,2,5,21,146,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099983693401544,0.0,0.2258906735673369,0.0,0.1244692633573002,0.0,0.09385234648992452,0.0,0.0,0.07670272766807804,0.0,0.08628590860529152,0.0,0.1118597931959191,0.0,0.0,0.09281856836844872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417697685533258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528697466709607,0.0,0.12591366680739136,0.11517369316757273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826072837697525,0.0,0.0,0.09005558609937148,0.0,0.0,0.07274179333116301,0.0,0.0971479641195139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980124823473128,0.0,0.0,0.22349503044291288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137057303319064,0.0,0.10633067506367996,0.0,0.11406249436259112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854958830234496,0.05892939506348796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706312564556355,0.12435406434691845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202834394918754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732893669687195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397555154513633,0.09194089358616346,0.0,0.0,0.12254931712554515,0.0,0.15933727343279222,0.0,0.0,0.09959779181796692,0.0,0.09471724290136872,0.0,0.2462525466116118,0.0,0.10179958167421713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002985026888101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662531444277297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632412828948668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988097215582966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660614544840293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900761890478552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675324690506725,0.0,0.10630554075786178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908919816320862,0.19731053812368188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531655207487802,0.0,0.12268578659598504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861311527383808,0.06652790402756392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012451388232253,0.0,0.0,0.21790390179178398
suicidewatch,LiquidFantasy96,2018/01/02,"Slowly I'm getting there I want to post this for everyone who needs this. I don't care if people might think it's annoying. If this reaches only one person truly, it's already worth it.

I'm 21 years old and I always thought I would spend my life unhappy. I was never a happy kid, and I didn't grew up in a happy house. (lots of reasons I won't go into detail off.) I was always the weird and depressed teenager and my family and the people around me never realized it was depression, so everyone was always mad at me for being not cheerful or mad or anything other than smiling and happy.

It took me years and years and one day I felt like I had to decide. Happiness or slit my wrists. The only thing that kept me from the second option, was my brother. I don't have a good relationship with him or anything, I just couldn't bare the thought of him finding me with blood everywhere and not breathing anymore and having to carry that with him the rest of his life. He is such an innocent spirit, and I didn't want to break that. 

That was I think four or even five years ago. And it was damn hard, and so many times I was thinking of why I didn't do it that one night. Why I was 'a coward' for being afraid. I wanted to die, I wanted to stop living. I just didn't want to hurt anyone. My godmother, my brother, the two friends I had.

So it took me years of battling my own head, years of feeling shit and worthless, before finally getting there. I started to realize that I wanted to be happy, and in order for that to happen, I had to surround myself with the things that made me happy: friends, the few family members I like to be around, visiting stuff, writing, going abroad.

And finally, after all those years I feel like I'm getting there. I am feeling good most of the time now, and the dark thoughts are only occasional. I am grateful for being alive now. I think I'm still battling a little, but I'm okay with that now. It sucks of course, but I think it's just a part of who I am. It will always be in the back of my head in one way or another. But now, that is finally okay...

So here is kind of my message I guess: being happy is a good feeling. And I seriously hope you get there. Because I do not want to go back there. It will take you so much time and so much effort, but if you realize now that you can do it and that you want to do it, that is already the first step. It was for me. It will take time, and that's okay. I hope you can look back in a few years and be in the same spot that I am now. I hope for you, because you are worthed. You are good and you will find someone who loves you for who you are. Not everyone is bad in this world, believe me. Don't give up. It's gonna be hard, but you'll get there. ",2.5565226245265333,3.626645409807357,4.096017594591292,89.34763735592392,74.76182136602452,6.922836313281474,24.13721337514764,7.3071595529392575,0.8642972426994668,2103,62,466,23,43,702,219,571,0.113,0.779,0.108,-0.4085,0,0,0,0,0,1,74.0,0,13,0,2,30,42,8,1,23,3,60,9,6,2,3,99,113,43,1,17,21,2,7,3,2,9,2,0,0,2,45,31,0,2,20,0,3,8,15,16,0,9,25,8,73,26,55,69,11,64,1,4,1,1,34,17,3,17,38,346,118,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103405455981598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706414338357438,0.0,0.19161787721114926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036920295141599,0.0,0.0,0.05709589828897151,0.04025564177725072,0.0,0.09475360873608762,0.10250247203327804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280781342566825,0.04807016836046737,0.07019064525502902,0.0,0.048989483870265034,0.06486386576047977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058698433757476326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03712914099634675,0.0,0.09917326181058553,0.0,0.059750588312671576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03802572596068022,0.0,0.0,0.1650373787145153,0.0,0.0,0.10854740984189548,0.0,0.11644041868209852,0.04112940821331792,0.05527809461395751,0.1892017512877929,0.10523942741041924,0.048970666056101,0.0,0.0,0.08895988206099836,0.0,0.15039482242214075,0.05522825458478719,0.0981583873637531,0.19315446018619245,0.0,0.0,0.06342198690529148,0.0,0.05091067984132931,0.4290048336645941,0.10314630687359908,0.0,0.1181708478600086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154579180389765,0.0,0.06643029348364649,0.06163195665784368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059952320144558924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132953313820934,0.08438023112982605,0.05770221246294609,0.05083708121545373,0.0,0.048345932997001566,0.0,0.0,0.04894560789699293,0.051960927113022734,0.05447596533330856,0.0,0.058368914823293636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107473444084096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846440061333015,0.0426888668976724,0.0888060646404082,0.0,0.0,0.05402736930360779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041207046166711,0.0,0.15604895659451948,0.13135817284214465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234480488013853,0.0,0.07982627380918242,0.050269600745098564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055138007884568296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919354690527106,0.0,0.06181072203163766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909677306466912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048780521223909336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074971820144182,0.0,0.04597702875354625,0.04813272298705139,0.0,0.0,0.06590610177895494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657387376614863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649648266774031,0.18444888493458106,0.0,0.137117077783312,0.13428265383756574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792909600074015,0.0,0.0,0.05623942364290047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716593931178357,0.045697929300788816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389944922245267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040897457114602215,0.0,0.0,0.29659555432178003
suicidewatch,Auradoggo,2018/01/02,"I dont really know what happiness is anymore... Sorry about grammar, on mobile.

Kinda just moving through life. With invisible strings dragging me through the motions. Ive lost the ability to feel love towards my relatives. The only person I think i genuinely care for is my sister. And even that I feel is getting weaker. The worst part is, in other aspects of life im doing great. Ive got a job that pays well and gives insurance as long as hour quotas are met. I can easily afford or save for the physical things i want in life. I donr know what to do though. I feel dead inside. Due to my parent's well intentioned mistreatment of me, I feel as if i never got the chance to figure out whst i wanted to do in my life, as well as whst kind of person i wanted to be. I simply just am. The only reason i got my job was under implied threat that i would be kicked out by my dad. Which is funny because they wouldnt let me leave by myself when i tried to. And now that i have it, i dont even have time to relax anymore. I get home at 6, then i get three hours till i have to go to sleep to wake up at 4:50. My parents say i should quit bsinf ungrateful. I dont really know where im going with this. Im just tired. So, so tired. If there is someone willing to talk i would be extremely grateful. If i dont respond quickly, its due to my job.",1.5382206405693992,3.2239781530249125,3.6170875444839865,89.14953167259786,78.85765124555161,6.48888256227758,21.916156583629885,7.404127859558343,0.7463920569395017,1035,30,224,14,25,353,153,281,0.1,0.758,0.142,0.8824,6,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,2,17,13,1,0,8,0,31,9,2,2,1,35,55,18,1,10,7,4,4,0,0,5,6,1,1,2,12,7,0,0,10,1,1,4,6,3,3,1,6,5,40,10,42,40,2,28,0,1,0,1,13,12,0,5,12,159,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495741397776424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377082306813688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993400999469721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135168221965717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652120166384698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784026098687647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825523371284962,0.08461722199163971,0.10026136218794482,0.0,0.21164416372601744,0.09724971276164973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389913477802336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847989006384713,0.0,0.17373436905082454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858395688425477,0.0,0.2625987075395845,0.0,0.0,0.0918551350341492,0.1454305515531432,0.0,0.0,0.09339961390927017,0.0,0.0901987317359786,0.2492158845783229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806136956301606,0.0,0.0,0.09628953243536446,0.0,0.07961123047377938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375122286497084,0.0,0.0,0.06803150436652787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417242985937905,0.0,0.0,0.19588925445682265,0.095520748106736,0.0,0.0,0.15403977538883842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382014422817914,0.0,0.0,0.11301670154072478,0.0906925908959569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014660069520763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827177661170903,0.0,0.07473841468110437,0.0,0.0,0.09874171691295357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089830845455858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860152474616489,0.056520172002390276,0.08666398464745337,0.0,0.05143483718082994,0.2027644097926909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059887491977269024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156082221951329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379289551184811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532096962242592,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwxaway6,2018/01/02,alone im writing this with tears streaming down my face this will probably be completely incoherent but i dont even care. im so depressed and anxious all the fucking time christmas and new years just makes it all worse. ever since i was raped ive had such a terrible relationship with sex i jut have sex with everyone and anyone who asks because thats all im good for. ill never meet anyone who loves me ill never get married never have children because im so fucking useless and pathetic and unworthy of love. i wish i wasnt such a fucking coward and could just kill myself. i have no friends and people lie when they say they will be there for me. when i try to reach out they dont care. i hate myself so much. im 21 years old and have accomplished absolutely nothing. my mind keeps replaying the rape over and over and over again and i cant afford to go to counselling and the waiting list is so long. im alone all the time i do everything by myself i have no friends to share anything with. i have no one i can talk to not even my parents give a shit all they do is tell me everything i do is wrong.,2.366315789473685,4.19482703508772,3.7095087719298254,88.77189473684211,76.89473684210526,6.8407017543859645,25.873684210526317,7.7348632917899725,1.3583168421052627,876,33,185,13,20,287,122,228,0.294,0.563,0.142,-0.9935,3,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,4,1,15,20,8,0,7,0,25,13,2,1,9,37,41,19,1,2,4,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,6,17,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,12,0,1,3,1,28,8,18,33,6,20,0,2,0,9,21,5,4,0,14,125,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920351573615427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047337062019679,0.0,0.12964724578239314,0.0,0.0762908244548129,0.0,0.08666951042751295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130279314307954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890440676739545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972026247236646,0.0,0.0,0.07401983278830508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984930609319378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730628414171854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246558300964015,0.08385973725904748,0.0,0.08858651299892388,0.16664003179751238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325201617891886,0.2571212901303383,0.04843612881606455,0.0889340075101331,0.052688120266343855,0.07775911235091923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153000421961813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.600843605209539,0.0,0.0,0.08240317294343534,0.10256771952528676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204370533051125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734526618105142,0.0,0.06188334208264212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936087006174898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815108257305244,0.0,0.21450648619223955,0.08953801067997097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895587262560177,0.0,0.09728150144401844,0.0,0.06282137278310887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294131630047294,0.0,0.0,0.06427208761009161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995495610876877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953374877942643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372516098028209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516347925660534,0.07668905551355533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451521744800857,0.08103092042476935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811761692139574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294267923137087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066096801816422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447742141547934,0.0,0.1013616971851708,0.0,0.11940188701342296
suicidewatch,Ara787,2018/01/02,"I tried to kill myself today and I almost succeeded. Almost. My parents live near the ocean and I'm here for the holidays. Although the ocean is an hour away from home, my friends and I planned to go to the beach but due to circumstances none of them could make it. I was really looking forward to going to the ocean because I have this affinity with water that I can't quite explain. It fascinates and draws me to it. Any water body, I've always felt like I belong there. Not making it poetical or anything but I went alone, I deluded myself into thinking I'm a little hobbit on an adventure. When I got there, it was beautiful. I felt the familiar serenity wash over me. There are a ton of huge rocks in the beach that I went to, easy to climb. It was mid afternoon and I live in a tropical region so it was around 30 degrees. I know this because of the Snapchat filter. *Sigh * 

So I climbed the rock and I just sat there watching the waves crash over the other tiny rocks down below. This was the big one. It was quite easy to climb, I actually didn't think it would be. I didn't plan on killing myself today. I even ate, walked down the beach, sat near this little pool, spoke to a friend but the big rock kept calling to me, I went back there and kept looking at the tiny but sharps little rocks jutting out, the rough sea and I just really wanted to jump. I've been - suicidal (I have never actually admitted that to myself. Fuck that sounds bad) for quite some time but I always thought I'd hang myself. But something about the ocean called to me and I was like 'You know what? Let's just do it. There's no point' I was actually joking about it earlier on but suddenly I wanted to and I decided to not think much about it or think it through so I had no big before death moment. I did see my younger self looking at me right before I jumped the water, there was Cheesecake too - a few moments before, my parents and my best friend and my other friends who did flash by - but I decided not to tell anyone, this way they might think I slipped and fell. So I did, I took the leap. And holy fuck - don't do this, it hurts okay, a lot by the way! The ocean was fucking rough, not to mention my added fear of deep waters (Ironic, I know!) so yeah, it was pretty rough, all I remember is the water suffocating me and before I know it, something tugging me. Although the water was quite rough and it was a bit of a struggle, a local fisherman got me out. But the beach barely has like 3 group of people, none were close by okay, and I was actually mad, but apparently he was a few meters behind me, climbing the rock, just as he came up, he saw me slip and jumped in (his story) oh my god! Good people on the planet that I don't deserve, save the good people! Not me! What the fuck is wrong with you! The world is better off without me. Regardless, I'm so grateful for his existence, brave, kind and good. The world needs more of him. They just hit my stomach till I threw up the water I had swallowed. Anyway, they rushed me into the hospital, I hadn't even lost consciousness yet but they dragged me to a hospital. I have sprained my leg and my arm hurts a little but eh - my entire body hurts especially my stomach. I have bruises in weird places and I'm unhappy to be alive. Fuck. I had to go home in mostly wet- had dried a teeny - tiny bit due to the sun. Did I mention they even got my phone and bag in tact? Like no one stole my money, like how? Where are these good people coming from? Where? So grateful for their existence. 

I just had to write that down in detail cause everything feels so surreal. I can't believe this was today afternoon. I only got realised because I have scraped with bruises and scratches and they thought I slipped. But I need to keep telling myself that this was today. It happened. I only believe it now because my body fucking hurts. But oh fuck. I jumped off a cliff. Wtf. ",1.7243613956466035,3.980202568501923,3.03914196542894,90.66152984955187,80.93341869398208,5.953655569782331,22.310515364916768,7.1686216300943375,0.7422195774647888,3030,98,629,40,80,981,314,781,0.117,0.7290000000000001,0.153,0.9852,4,1,2,0,0,4,107.0,0,2,8,14,38,44,10,2,49,3,55,25,7,4,2,107,117,54,4,7,28,2,10,5,4,2,2,2,2,1,40,35,9,3,20,13,1,23,19,20,1,2,53,18,103,23,83,57,14,95,0,5,6,7,36,52,7,8,25,429,143,1,0.0,0.0,0.2140314104115948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981210139659987,0.05678912920384934,0.0,0.0,0.09124877292455556,0.0,0.0,0.03728745226646973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038339615999575166,0.0,0.045121836507008184,0.0488118589502148,0.0,0.0,0.05151620921489919,0.04216221084122113,0.04578219883248163,0.13369963895897946,0.0,0.1866310327378532,0.12355315159378025,0.05754251100571613,0.048494203617536674,0.1197240816254998,0.18271705177392186,0.0,0.0,0.11197864057515618,0.0627128843908468,0.0,0.05632728416798696,0.0,0.047232674696283256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043778669547977114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864750880171832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927921754695133,0.0,0.0,0.06170093310797914,0.027724566930294674,0.0,0.10529410671996776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694514143611851,0.3548373140565862,0.0,0.0,0.09348639625441504,0.1839609929241975,0.1754157531497879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048487512041031085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000137883026498,0.0,0.05399820267635475,0.0,0.2347939764209185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873695524701914,0.12132635620048525,0.057098802332967415,0.12053632513442952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056069152281603855,0.0,0.13394005231920694,0.2198231671870111,0.09683483289744363,0.0,0.1381345141510364,0.0,0.059855303432047875,0.046615970551908144,0.0,0.0,0.07320120247524949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816779368950827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040307625820170175,0.0813140564679137,0.04228960546184631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743107898524336,0.08340399312707385,0.0,0.0,0.1217682801862322,0.0,0.0,0.15205365257649694,0.0,0.057287480760847415,0.0,0.051833701923704296,0.0,0.0,0.05578357519965088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328114941614114,0.0,0.0,0.07025321229127504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211365396404425,0.04682599230689835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043693784573442036,0.0,0.0572014460057858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442427923199461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057322022686558005,0.0,0.05997700600286659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585068635834286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566977217931284,0.0,0.08706052745409891,0.031972818940658315,0.0,0.20789625043946214,0.0,0.060920062372635427,0.037227141034151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468234236860036,0.08704573987729053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524886711686821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052855824817023486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03895088320313518,0.05994988206178201,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDanceWithBrownBears,2018/01/02,"Feeling empty Hey. I'm not sure why I am still alive. Any minor problem leads to suicidal thoughts. I spent 2 months in psych hospital after manic episode and am in depressed state after that. I miss my psychosis tbh, everything was simple, I was able to talk to people, go outside, make things. But I think I traumatized my husband and made lots of mistakes. Now I can't imagine myself working, being social and even taking care of myself. Psychiatrist says that I need to go to hospital again because of suicidal tendencies. I don't want to. I don't want anything. I saw myself self-harming in a dream yesterday. I see my dead mom in dreams every night. I'm alive because of husband and cats, but I'm tired of trying not to die every day. Cats will forget, husband will eventually find someone else. I'm just a parasite. I'm a shell of a  human.  Can't even take care of myself and hurting other people. I either need to wait for another manic episode or do the thing now. Can't even cry. Thanks for reading, sorry for my English.",2.4780547619047617,4.9941259150000015,3.9952857142857177,83.38133333333336,79.85,6.2095238095238106,26.523809523809533,7.447530270364453,1.7125309523809529,813,34,145,12,21,269,115,200,0.179,0.7120000000000001,0.109,-0.8523,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,5,0,13,1,0,3,1,30,39,8,4,6,7,4,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,5,3,1,3,7,5,0,0,6,4,21,4,24,30,2,18,0,3,2,0,9,4,0,2,10,88,26,4,0.13145015788768874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939061498161192,0.1378369518956453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817227966224592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602615923441608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26804439332055857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439182601573372,0.08477447723732186,0.0,0.11321782837286312,0.0,0.13642451058395236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980973959931396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604647686465602,0.0,0.22150485483839866,0.0,0.11813892595434446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646514946333558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014306288894748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941230799530156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072011273560198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175422353398302,0.0,0.1243813177251824,0.08774400111723649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395283620619984,0.1049222619182947,0.0,0.0,0.19493725294963696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233570684996923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226197672180475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257800483669239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314857301672582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453444157530087,0.0,0.0,0.10474875692717428,0.0,0.13713118289105278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399688205777474,0.11137729220635316,0.0,0.0,0.14714768977233175,0.0,0.0,0.10497626589019936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287570275010354,0.0,0.12389021816042788,0.0,0.19766831911509275,0.10565465766664084,0.0,0.12102164449729648,0.0,0.0,0.1746592879509281,0.0842279534496883,0.0,0.10435674223770484,0.0,0.15108261939250675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924602859076006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506541775662544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861332172949735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569728050606184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BenniF,2018/01/02,"I cannot thank you all enough! Positivity breeds positivity, as negativity breeds negativity.
 
I have a new mantra for life: LET'S GO CHAMP! LET'S GO CHAMP! LET'S GO CHAMP!

Thank you to you all for your support and faith, I am pretty sure there were nights I would not have been able to get through without that faith.

Say it with me: LET'S GO CHAMP! LET'S GO CHAMP! LET'S GO CHAMP! LET'S GO CHAMP! LET'S GO CHAMP! CHAMP! CHAMP! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP!

I can't remember the last time I felt this much optimism.
",-0.8589026402640236,0.22222843564356864,0.5383787128712889,98.69819513201321,121.07920792079209,4.05957095709571,14.109323432343235,5.985473137389443,-0.7163171617161721,396,10,92,6,24,124,54,101,0.064,0.454,0.482,0.9956,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,0,10,1,16,0,0,2,0,16,1,0,0,3,10,29,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,0,0,3,2,11,16,8,17,4,12,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,49,14,10,0.09774678353722632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099855675620817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385224093834177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106866004848843,0.0,0.4444139972777303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967667467225012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7996216697121178,0.06904144392815938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185513278892262,0.0,0.0,0.09440445263901437,0.0,0.091728734800976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944361946036448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072805115101036,0.0,0.0,0.07773216553741961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092189160625336,0.09212518669816877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998421117308236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699693553936745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942244112277814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943651053261855,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,takewhatsyoursin2017,2018/01/02,"Someone please convince me not to do this First things first, my problems have blown up so much over the course of the last few months that I no longer know how to confront them and deal with them. The only answer right now is ending my life so I don’t have to deal with the million emotions others will feel.

I have a gambling addiction to online sports betting that has ruined my life and relationships with everyone I’ve held dear. I was a successful person with a high net worth, great job, a loving girlfriend, I felt like I had it all and I was on top of the world last year. Somehow since then my life has deteriorated. For some reason I began to resort to this Vice and ended up losing over $100,000. I lost a little bit and kept chasing and chasing and chasing. Now I am over $50,000 in debt. 

To make things worse, My father is very ill with cancer and gave me over $30,000 of his retirement money to invest into bitcoin. I lied to him and I used that money for gambling instead and lost it all. You can’t imagine how terrible I feel but my addiction literally lead me to believe I could somehow climb myself out of this mess and I kept chasing and chasing and chasing until I had no more.

I even gambled away my rent money and it is due today. I’m dead broke. 

My girlfriend of 4 years left me over this problem and I have no one anymore. I don’t blame her. I don’t have the courage to tell my father how much of a monster I am especially considering that he is ill with cancer. I never meant for any of this to spiral so out of control but here I am.

I don’t have any friends. I don’t leave my house. All I do is gamble 8-16 hours a day. Because I was so well off, I have been unemployed but trying to chase profits with this money my father gave me. But now all the money, my own, and his is dried up. 

I don’t have the guts to reach out to anyone in real life. I don’t have the guts to confront my father and break his heart. I have to end my life, it’s the only way out. My father will be heart broken, he will be confused, he will be viciously angry, and I literally can’t deal with any of it.

I love my father. I never thought my life would come to this. I hate myself.

I want to die. I just need to find a way that won’t be painful. I want to instantly die. I’m going to google as much as I can. 

My problems don’t just stem from money but from the lies and emotional hurt I’ve put others through. They will be so angry at me and I wish others could Just realize the immense dark pain I’ve been dealing with for the past year.",2.1324654613679,3.6103489287054416,3.701672778441072,90.09913376257893,76.59849906191369,6.121251918812895,22.995437489339928,6.680037744263671,0.5224450281425894,1981,58,433,17,44,658,230,533,0.21,0.7070000000000001,0.084,-0.9975,5,0,0,0,0,2,54.0,0,1,3,10,20,29,4,1,21,0,55,20,4,8,6,87,82,37,3,10,9,6,3,1,3,7,14,0,1,1,22,35,0,4,11,1,16,5,17,18,1,4,18,3,75,11,69,50,12,57,0,6,0,2,32,25,0,5,25,309,97,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304302665376192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619164112607692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871052668440635,0.05549510317308071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456770942876736,0.0,0.0,0.048381256989600656,0.0,0.0,0.08941919104161206,0.0,0.0,0.08664797610626915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836745979510703,0.0,0.0,0.08901660084947298,0.12673584333093565,0.0,0.0,0.05118501207163826,0.3272946916160572,0.0,0.0,0.16474039000107768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785539068663465,0.21088624917998575,0.0,0.0,0.05242101460202735,0.0,0.0,0.07583836662246123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026046490620735,0.0,0.07620456235146865,0.0,0.07253980590265499,0.13501869776541955,0.0,0.0,0.06131858312627999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045105974331057085,0.0,0.0,0.087502163381879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835827127598018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810005059094886,0.0,0.08385536850760708,0.0,0.0,0.07816029844217623,0.09157861675866613,0.08496378749620975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875929007391476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361791077611007,0.12938904947422872,0.0,0.08403796827784828,0.0862322468169725,0.0,0.3363546548951573,0.03877460338958316,0.07954637145434454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879113394786248,0.17327644801942488,0.0,0.14326324876706806,0.0,0.05297794693356546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334981256017905,0.0,0.17503116256383966,0.0588494672606865,0.1224251186177787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053780989222474436,0.1207240365601253,0.16890371529850826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576457918522216,0.0,0.06930001750451151,0.0,0.08712089924989265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278298906878272,0.0,0.07978554266737019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033677974896327,0.0,0.08160227604531703,0.0,0.08521022755838452,0.0,0.06777880285191176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565302675406062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724722147362032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937007048695765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054555339476184,0.0,0.0,0.06300836389990944,0.0,0.0,0.07523043441255657,0.0,0.0,0.05388483892358046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854742184847804,0.0,0.06548591163025734,0.09362517515203546,0.12599532335746166,0.0,0.0,0.07136027350909616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126788872722573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088153693259073,0.056379888678711736,0.0,0.0,0.15332882697698566
suicidewatch,ihavethekey13,2018/01/02,I feel lost Hi my name is david and i don't know what to do my girlfriend committed suicide on the 26th and my aunt past away on the 28th I need help,-1.8220588235294104,0.08173032352941334,0.2502352941176476,105.38005882352944,98.70588235294115,3.896470588235295,15.623529411764707,5.6839178017228535,-1.0059811764705882,117,3,31,1,5,38,26,34,0.181,0.691,0.128,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,4,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392191390665109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110663153537206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979607429437714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294098774957104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556766704974812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095207641709501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984863676440843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566031886016726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lindseylego,2018/01/02,I hate everything. I've been super suicidal lately. Imagining all the sharp objects in my house while I lay in bed. I tried to distract myself with what I thought would be a fun post on Reddit and got shit on. Now I feel worse. WHY did I think posting on the internet would help? WHY am I posting this? I just wish I had the guts to actually do it.  ,0.7325000000000017,2.9611616944444457,2.8338888888888896,90.77500000000002,84.83333333333334,6.377777777777778,22.88888888888889,7.6454224807358475,1.0953555555555559,270,10,59,5,8,91,54,72,0.213,0.634,0.154,-0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,4,0,8,2,2,0,1,11,14,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,11,2,8,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.1901901077842768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751597053676522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985451315319555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587591061732736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924191732139072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306344922791497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248834926272482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985086019109598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599686742002555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005765491694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318428382688367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488130724727642,0.0,0.15472543089268034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232139996965778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517261447737627,0.0,0.22412045855400325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986153881576241,0.2768966540173109,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DefiniteCryForHelp,2018/01/02,"I think about doing it a lot I'm not going to go into detail on my life story. Same old stuff. Dysfunction, poverty, and abuse, etc etc. 

Long story short, I just graduated college. I got a full time job almost immediately, which was absolutely just sheer luck.

Thing is, I've been passively suicidal (if that's a thing) for years. Pretty much since I was in high school. When I was 17 I almost ate my dad's shotty. I don't know why I pussied out, but I did. Since then, I haven't tried actively, but it's always there in the back of my mind.

I think about it almost constantly. I could jump off a roof - I've got roof access to a four story building, but I might survive as a cripple. I could steal a gun from my brother. When I'm driving, i think almost incessantly about just unbuckling my belt and yanking the fucking wheel. 

A couple of times I considered suicide by cop, but I don't want to actually hurt anyone else, so that's too risky. I infrequently self-harm by cutting, but I'm too squeamish to cut my wrists. 

To make it worse, I can't stop fucking depersonalizing. It's probably because I can't sleep, but I don't feel real anymore. I feel like I'm a shitty bit character in my own life story, and I can't control the script.

I have friends, but nobody I'm close to except my older brother, and he's leaving for the police academy next week. Everybody else just thinks of me as a burden. I wish that was just self-pity - they've told me that before, just not in so many words. And now I'm homeless, and taking people's charity just makes me feel worse.

I'm not saying this as a cry for help, despite what my username suggests. I'm just so fucking tired, and I want to get my thoughts out for once instead of just sitting on them and wishing I could muster up the sack for once in my fucking life.

I know I'm not worthless, but I do know that I'm a bad person who has a lot to be ashamed of and a lot to answer for, and I know that I'm just a hindrance to people. 

I don't think there's any help out there for me. I think it's only a matter of time before I finally reach the breaking point.

Whatever. I gotta go to work.",3.095743243243245,4.02352031981982,4.730709459459463,85.85863175675678,73.27927927927928,7.441891891891893,26.262387387387385,7.756953410329674,1.3301252252252251,1658,55,358,21,32,561,210,444,0.181,0.737,0.08199999999999999,-0.9929,1,0,0,1,1,1,61.0,0,0,1,3,26,15,6,1,22,0,24,11,2,3,0,79,69,28,2,8,24,3,3,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,19,15,1,2,15,0,0,5,12,12,0,1,11,4,50,3,47,52,10,42,0,2,0,4,13,18,4,10,18,219,69,5,0.0,0.09184662889479348,0.07564677689309361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104939230568318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450151922952027,0.0,0.0,0.05271517067684955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687742365196287,0.05420266814313582,0.07942676219023627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960686519220629,0.06472462661617577,0.0472544975504641,0.0,0.13192489894542328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463001644513833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376985221112453,0.08694347787814227,0.1856764056231004,0.0857726359211029,0.08515032315559211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951335363670985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729070156283409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758689764275974,0.05537916092968295,0.0,0.08491761886775502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989052406723432,0.28665804922919746,0.04050016489763125,0.0,0.13216648054409055,0.0,0.12399709291769567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391789990667807,0.08190244636652813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298505119411813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076925051382482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040834291420653,0.0,0.0,0.08208079353922425,0.0,0.0,0.164260616660361,0.03787157496315389,0.0,0.0,0.06860134523377359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771011650376996,0.0,0.0,0.1034882687789154,0.07859149128830549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223477298274827,0.07827148666769458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698494387613549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244169854279178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134252150772975,0.16510913357961587,0.0,0.05895623682471491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748299709948657,0.06768607744354284,0.0,0.0,0.07327994479735782,0.0,0.0,0.07886408185251105,0.08357794695182134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823291090352954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164574357593008,0.0,0.0784527599909484,0.0,0.0,0.1617371960738191,0.0,0.0,0.12824804417947058,0.0,0.0775743835348669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480885400681866,0.0,0.0,0.08874002265568648,0.1695850971813732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058284190022081975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299956182787366,0.2980239665724688,0.0,0.06154095124496262,0.13560480845663184,0.08909599815618001,0.0,0.07407215382110874,0.0,0.05262990561549077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914447222988563,0.0,0.0621805851820136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994829939143762,0.0,0.17828467024838732,0.0,0.0,0.05643431892962272,0.0,0.15799574573601538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991930849279703
suicidewatch,Duende29,2018/01/02,"Haven’t heard from anyone in over 48 hrs because I’m isolating myself. But I wouldn’t let anyone else do this if the shoe were on the other foot. Depression kills, proven as of tonight. I’m cutting as we speak getting deeper and I’m done. Love you all. Thanks for keeping me here as long as you have xxxxxxxxxxx",1.61095238095238,4.057800571428572,2.154920634920636,95.64285714285715,82.96825396825399,4.8698412698412685,21.698412698412696,6.18269132825596,0.1920222222222221,248,8,52,2,7,76,50,63,0.128,0.767,0.105,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,7,3,2,0,1,7,15,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,6,2,10,10,1,5,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40985571522623865,0.3002943724063352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865841806954194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242876747320203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29992187391273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448301439974626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312183532243118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050234372375497,0.32424881679105944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29969343603702603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593659535543645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26451550646699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698280385437499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ttzero13,2018/01/02,"I wish I was dead I wish I was dead. My life is just full of problems. I don't have many friends. I have terrible social skills. I'm lazy and my grades are terrible. Friends were the only thing that allowed me to enjoy life a little but being the failure I've always been, I've managed to ruin my friendships. 

I am truly convinced that I will never amount to anything. It's not just me. My parents would constantly remind me how much of a failure I am. The world would be a better place without me. I really want to die but ironically I'm too pathetic to bear the pain of death.",1.1161667744020711,3.3993448571428613,3.1514285714285712,88.7724175824176,83.62184873949579,5.6783451842275365,23.43956043956044,7.010146845296331,0.955943244990304,454,17,92,6,13,153,74,119,0.339,0.511,0.149,-0.9843,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,7,0,16,3,0,2,1,16,21,4,4,6,6,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,18,5,9,12,3,6,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,65,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590350571269362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728329525038973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690385129675492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654309217904404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836224811535225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953323589945959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27000083994228896,0.0,0.1915619730049133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377531655109398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050217596376854,0.0,0.14741085507113574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536259925977946,0.2033752662685109,0.0,0.2122266938502015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996896502486091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828851212683452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244245343804573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483245827054854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269779486980551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273313255619875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395789906423283,0.1842420199166224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27154582957414136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Burritobandit1,2018/01/02,"I'm scared. Over the last month it's been getting worse. I first thought about suicide at 11 or so, but I knew that I'd never carry through with it. I've spent the nearly 10 years since finding new ways of dealing with it. I have resources and methods to bring myself down. Lately though, I've been scared. They aren't working. I'm getting worse. I still have some willpower left, but I can feel it fading. I'm used to it, it always comes back. But recently, I'm not so sure. I'm scared.",0.4991254125412538,2.8060872871287152,1.5954702970297028,98.61485561056108,87.01980198019804,3.7627062706270618,20.297854785478552,4.7782277997778095,-0.4547630363036306,380,12,84,1,12,119,67,101,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.9675,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,3,2,0,6,0,0,1,2,17,20,8,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,1,2,3,3,0,1,5,1,7,1,11,15,1,19,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,11,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453976418705991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343642404360457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505229999259006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801492222671307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835377231606915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597091544900668,0.14863371766807962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258883021133426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243638671664932,0.1971142819827397,0.0,0.1898554739365986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947576610099674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347702267705954,0.16876493878763066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253462618301996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248355400360685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454669766659786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954755492079715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113715088499186,0.0,0.16469034096692822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168111998310034,0.13872400675790442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509192180716005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870044393368214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721276941931464,0.0,0.3561498880958101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252680286237092
suicidewatch,TheIbar,2018/01/02,"Will moving away help? Hi, I've been diagnosed with MDD a year ago, but it was developing over the years and now I'm just feeling the crushing effects despite one dumb year of my parents pretending that they care about the disease itself. Right now the situation is that I'm skipping uni (like I did a year ago as well), but I can't let myself tell the truth again, so I'm thinking either suicide or simply running away from these places where I feel miserable. I was wondering, will the change of places make me feel at least free from the institute of family? I'm just not sure that once I'm on my own, this anguish will disappear. I don't care about the difficulties that come with leaving home, I'm willing to die if it goes all wrong after.",6.66,6.119287567567568,6.773648648648647,79.4493918918919,65.21621621621622,10.102702702702704,33.364864864864856,9.516144504307137,2.8243486486486487,592,22,119,10,8,190,100,148,0.212,0.648,0.139,-0.9512,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,10,11,1,2,10,0,12,1,0,2,3,22,27,7,2,1,8,1,3,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,6,1,1,4,3,4,1,1,4,3,10,8,17,18,4,23,0,1,0,0,5,9,1,3,11,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26229382399353224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780038980507505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016855467486694,0.0,0.15650929121588855,0.12744404024522216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501640332038492,0.1535465918744983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947214001316166,0.0,0.22442075404574968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916637790189804,0.0,0.14840383527737608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665549434521056,0.0,0.15128678072627774,0.0,0.07227988475342223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875639114492554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724523420029174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755971541298394,0.10025334531132353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642786662033648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091481924570044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634672261218388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662996704709803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183102091863422,0.0,0.13943917177123044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293130106259477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479905874248988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302295560283767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604432174817486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617578346199243,0.0,0.3810944613040638
suicidewatch,1n-n33d-0f-adv1c3,2018/01/02,"I’m giving up and I’m scared 2017 was nothing but miserable for me. Ever since may I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and it doesn’t help that I’ve lost many people close to me this year...my cousin, my bestest friend, and even my grandfather nearly died this year. I’m so scared. I feel like the only thing that’s keeping me alive is my girlfriend but I don’t know how long I can stay strong for her. I thought the new year would be better and that I’d finally be over it all...but I’m not...and it’s worse. 

",0.852160133444535,2.8447021559633043,2.023169307756465,98.20663052543787,82.4862385321101,5.431526271893245,20.00083402835696,6.574015621080383,-0.049209174311926514,401,11,95,4,11,127,71,109,0.206,0.578,0.21600000000000005,0.0484,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,4,2,0,9,0,0,1,1,17,20,8,2,1,2,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,1,11,4,7,12,0,11,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,7,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975288121975434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874658035340072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930465412122306,0.16339050862314095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133214110733087,0.12904237058286286,0.0,0.1978717383757566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395545738025714,0.0,0.0,0.1732771076552254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107272776286147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055257003486442,0.0,0.0,0.09926972604671648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882468735334801,0.0,0.0,0.15985219106840307,0.0,0.0,0.19717938364275825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831308415156844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445393444189836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331970917598255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373775339457719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522635329090495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616850180374128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941930651990246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252793804407972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883407909415065,0.0,0.1975803044722553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000278989547572,0.0,0.0,0.28680067026143097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407777609406428,0.1283146304830701,0.0,0.0,0.3489601032749691
suicidewatch,OgreAggressiveShrek,2018/01/02,2 am and a belt around my neck Promised I would make it to 18 but I'm done. I've been awake 2 days contemplating. Life isn't worth the pain.,-2.186562500000001,-0.395574031249998,-0.18774999999999945,107.80775,101.8125,3.8100000000000014,12.65,5.6839178017228535,-1.55742,109,2,31,1,5,35,29,32,0.068,0.7509999999999999,0.181,0.5113,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,1,0,5,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047682620888209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932358132604433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653031625355787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211592182299819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30350742776400896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838195431989784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229969445957413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeldaoftheshadows,2018/01/02,"Last call for help 21/female

I have been seeing my campus therapist for a few months, but now that I finished university, I have nobody to talk to. I talked with my older sister about my struggles, and she laughed it off. I talked with my only girl friend about my depression and suicidal thoughts, she stopped responding to me. My boyfriend is happy and successful, I am afraid he'll run when he founds out exactly how unstable I currently am. He says he loves me, but it's hard for me to feel it and believe it when I hate myself so much. I spent my New Years Eve planning out my suicide, and now I am just looking for reasons to not go through with it. My motivation to leave is not fueled by a specific event, but rather 10+ years of self-hatred and self-disgust. I managed to fuck things up with each friend I had, developed social anxiety, spent 18 hours a day playing video games to distract myself, and recently quit video games in an attempt to live a more wholesome life - which led to wallowing even more in my depressive and suicidal thoughts. I am not sure where else to go for help, and I can't afford a therapist since I'm an unemployed college grad with a huge collection of rejection letters. ",7.6028205128205135,6.7541100940170935,7.496196581196583,76.05019230769234,63.444444444444464,11.38974358974359,37.44871794871795,10.686352973137794,3.8786051282051277,958,42,184,21,12,307,140,234,0.217,0.635,0.147,-0.9667,4,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,5,12,16,2,3,8,0,11,3,0,4,2,36,26,16,3,1,8,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,8,17,0,1,6,5,2,4,4,8,0,0,7,5,31,8,33,18,5,30,0,3,2,2,23,8,1,0,18,121,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406459291357797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853459323377515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255566144840558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929947413313618,0.0,0.2118117278937606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271788029485594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121437747534697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217262049128167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482005225738802,0.1899982514294391,0.11367517850273486,0.0,0.0,0.13976278992410449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089394320650874,0.11014862819821628,0.12139822683777235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648359200557591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210915131929396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022937542275227,0.0,0.13019761883270473,0.0,0.0,0.08685077322402973,0.0,0.0,0.108576543886261,0.0,0.1032560129391434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097682534423156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814605133674544,0.0,0.09039025674675856,0.0,0.0,0.11875620266605676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351714717824654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078383160037305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642407057370342,0.12140884938006336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977832776546212,0.0,0.0,0.09798375184515663,0.0,0.25654963722331164,0.0,0.0,0.10171435516238794,0.0,0.0,0.12534294081123956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280064442763832,0.0,0.12854521303233682,0.0,0.4034971195540959,0.0,0.1158889971430724,0.0,0.0,0.2964934399734375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855336814916513,0.08168962014477035,0.0,0.0,0.19523410940136085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583653086012505
suicidewatch,trappedinsidemybody,2018/01/02,"Trapped inside my ugly body. (w/21) Hey everyone,
before writing this text I already feel like a shallow and bad person, and I know I am. I guess I'm just looking for someone who feels the same as me so that I don't feel quite alone with this issue. Being forced to live in this unattractive body makes me feel desperate to the point where I get daily anxiety attacks when I look at myself in the mirror. I quit studying bc of it. I couldn't stand seeing all these attractive girls around me as ridiculous as it sounds. It took away my motivation to keep going. You may think it's a sign of body dysmorphia but actually it's not. Due to the excess of male hormones in my body bc of Pcos I tend to have broad shoulders, a large ribcage, a long torso/short legs combination and my overall face structure looks not very feminine. So you could basically say I'm not fully biologically attractive. That being said, I'm not completely unattractive, if people would rate me, I'd be probably a 6, average. Of course they are more people in this world who are way more unattractive than me when it comes to biological attractiveness. But they either have the strength to live with it or they just don't care. Unfortunately my personality isn't like that, it is impossible for me to do that. Just by walking the most normal thing to do, I can feel my broad shoulders sticking out my body and my shorts legs that make me look odd and my mind can't let go of this. Whenever I see incredibly beautiful women either on hip hop music videos or just some VS Fashion Show it makes me wanna kill myself. I think a lot about suicide as my only option but I'm still far way from the step to do it. The thought of not existing anymore scares me in a way. Tbh, I fuckin' love the world I was born in. The right time and the right place. With the technology, all the good music.. There are so many things that I will miss when I'm gone. But I know I won't enjoy these things as long as I won't accept myself. And THIS will never happen. I've tried everything out to get to this point of self-love. I had several hobbies that really made me happy and caused me to learn more about myself but in reality it never distracted me from my thoughts of being unattractive. I think these thoughts are deeply wired in my brain, like an instinct I can't get rid of. The other thing I always think about is how my life would look like if I would've taken Diane 35 (a strong BCP) at the start of puberty and not just at the beginning of my early twenties. I wouldn't look nearly as unattractive as I am know. I would look more like my 12-year old self that was an insanely beautiful girl with soft facial features and a balanced body structure. But well, at this young age I knew shit about what would expect me. How I wish I could travel back in time to this date and change it. But life's a bitch and I have no other option right now. In 2018 I will have the strength to do it. I can't live everyday balling my eyes out, getting headaches to the point where I become unconscious bc my thoughts are overwhelming me. I strongly believe in the saying that some people aren't just made for living in this world bc their brains are wired in a different way. 

To everyone that got to this point, thank you so much for taking your precious time to read this chunk of letters.
I do appreciate it. Xx
",4.441971844504876,5.574417645112785,5.010791873300273,84.33849144136937,70.29323308270676,8.06558950567909,26.780515117581192,8.399286722034276,1.6425066389377705,2654,84,539,40,47,850,297,665,0.106,0.7609999999999999,0.133,0.9704,1,2,0,0,0,2,63.0,0,4,4,7,27,32,6,3,32,0,49,21,17,9,4,104,109,40,2,14,26,0,6,5,0,11,2,4,0,7,48,21,0,1,20,5,0,8,20,11,1,0,15,20,79,21,81,75,14,77,0,2,10,2,24,41,3,12,28,357,127,5,0.0,0.0,0.057983891806950925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061539653777632125,0.06556980023276199,0.0,0.049440957909866065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545499537432182,0.0,0.058927192915730425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052895068865314115,0.0,0.06759712987707821,0.055825643454417775,0.045689164353173474,0.04961197160140041,0.0,0.0656230729301612,0.05056077324949943,0.06694431028272528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960033993504044,0.0,0.13266140983634214,0.0,0.0,0.06058112812888607,0.061039174478084025,0.06285690200737272,0.051183782680784135,0.0622991743174352,0.0,0.0,0.0948816861465543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207969344203899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355385991238763,0.05340152294616339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150218912839878,0.04244859341785951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417487041948627,0.0,0.06753781388645605,0.04983742474949405,0.04752240819378865,0.0,0.06545618458531062,0.0,0.05254358968655506,0.06325210579973459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062017484106613625,0.0,0.05281389931709342,0.06573777463533846,0.0,0.09796457289088993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060759449341606535,0.08393809770232237,0.14514440637211282,0.0,0.2098705218293648,0.10516701816570267,0.34927606781674897,0.0,0.0,0.050515489997657335,0.053627522603681116,0.11244645638884967,0.11898694484985654,0.0602410401998777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059995753962164625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043679439574915685,0.0,0.09165443157872112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821752131485298,0.0,0.0,0.062349728040288675,0.0,0.0,0.045190452227996364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357993421936088,0.10376389722115463,0.06207969344203899,0.0,0.2246787802607496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640632004764758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263977927570009,0.05943458669442622,0.0,0.03806501721176687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522292414812338,0.05652060705083412,0.09450396362338898,0.05948829135211285,0.0,0.09469771460069523,0.0,0.12397292341427095,0.06712600033318783,0.060992243776494724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034510833235141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04205672522332196,0.0,0.04745169660594735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499420286559329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467532269183455,0.0,0.0,0.054704578303872285,0.0,0.0,0.15790006380922328,0.15229192080483805,0.0,0.1886866304285618,0.10394222814230056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601614779241269,0.04034126605726236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902649125155899,0.0,0.1886545812540188,0.0,0.0,0.05342437385091056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683283508901502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104601358207195,0.0,0.0,0.03826357052614112
suicidewatch,DongDongExtreme,2018/01/02,"Contemplating attempting again I was doing okay for a little while, but every time I make any progress at all, it all comes crashing down and I reach a new low. I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too much. Being fed false hope until I inevitably fall into a hole of depression again, each time deeper than the last - it's a cycle I can't seem to break, or maybe deep down I just don't want to try. And that's my problem. I don't want to try. Not even for things I want to do.

I'm a lazy person. That's just how I am. It's how I've always been, years before I had depression. I don't have the drive to even attempt success, and I'm never going to improve. If I continue living I'm going to just continue as a worthless leech to society and to my own parents. That's not a life I want to live, yet I don't seem able to crawl my way out of the hole. I should never have existed in the first place. I'm too useless and too lazy to live. I should never have been born and killing myself will only be foxong that mistake.",1.9919004524886856,3.0481459276018086,3.8428959276018126,90.66533936651588,76.14932126696833,6.647963800904979,22.50226244343892,7.048011613610866,0.5385547511312216,794,21,182,8,17,269,117,221,0.21600000000000005,0.716,0.068,-0.9859,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,5,13,11,1,0,11,1,23,2,0,3,5,38,40,14,1,10,8,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,10,1,0,3,0,0,5,11,8,0,1,5,0,22,3,25,30,5,34,0,5,0,0,2,10,0,5,17,125,32,1,0.14102352006008026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734286584863675,0.0,0.0,0.09590082954341524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985743774934933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000062869808233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147927545591725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429267023679178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186289409950378,0.0,0.11881839794516398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995453412120564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602938326768774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006817545777292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602163057368915,0.0,0.0,0.11495299100745628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996090827794002,0.0,0.14134261530823494,0.3735790556511276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941342947056834,0.0,0.14167708074976346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366851361834492,0.0,0.3262980974837285,0.13620139444720106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725474176888516,0.0,0.0,0.15658993001830387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231362981857188,0.14733956313657942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494046305510027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567650323793938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368976041501552,0.09036217737433463,0.0,0.0,0.1644638972562794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914914261876333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327173036994013,0.11193790611914667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081452328096674
suicidewatch,woah12334,2018/01/02,"Help Well I went to a university and I had bad semesters so I was dismissed , I couldn’t cut it I was lazy and stupid. Now I have to tell my parents and I’m so scared for their reaction my dad will probably hit me and my mom will see me as a failure and disown me like my family, I had high expectations.  I most likely will get kicked to the streets. I honestly think suicide is the way out . Any suggestions. Please",-0.37765652951699735,1.878696976744188,1.808604651162792,93.87852415026836,96.67441860465117,5.901967799642218,20.56887298747764,7.321109707123232,0.8401620751341685,324,12,73,7,13,108,59,86,0.238,0.631,0.13,-0.9089,1,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,10,16,8,1,2,0,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,5,1,17,4,6,6,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,3,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937584307986345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796268057913306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348006163756951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012856614770138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694607720877794,0.26315566705973265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24336561395080336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917072606819537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765622731413393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273403584826766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268539113998651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493620820404694,0.0,0.19847619372299236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724416751389743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769777532275675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959371830439995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976998250358396,0.0,0.0,0.2239434482378742,0.2308899792415245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SerialDiminishment,2018/01/02,Any advice? I'm an 18 year old guy i just got accepted in a good university in my country i was planning to be an electrical engineer and i had so much ambition. i was really excited to starts this new part of my life but now i just don't care? i don't care if i dont do good in exams (i had a good gpa in highschool) i just don't see my life getting any better? i've been sexually abused as a child by one of my relatives then from 6th to 9th grade ive been insanely insecure and shy because i was also getting sexually abused at that time but i managed to pull my shit together in highschool 10th - 12th grade and i did good which is why im in a good university now. but why would i try? whats the point? i don't enjoy anything anymore i just wanna lay in bed i just took my maths exam knowing 100% ill fail and go to summer school and i have an exam in 40 minutes which i haven't studied for either. maybe it's because of where i'm living? thats how i see my life: (Study > Work > Arranged marriage > work > die). i'm Arabic btw. I just don't wanna keep trying anymore? why would i? i'll get married have kids so they get abused like me? i feel like im doing the world a favor by not having  kids i don't care if i get kicked from uni for shitty grades because why would i care if nothing gives  joy. I'm fine with a 1500$ or whatever is enough to keep me alive that's if i dont kill myself. i told my brother i was depressed and i wanted to go to a therapist. he took me to one and i got some meds but my brother was like no dont take them the withdrawl effects are bad or they may cause addiction so let's see more doctors first since that day (about 2 months ago) we didnt talk about this subject again lol and i still have those pills. anyway if anybody has some advice please help. i'm seriously lost here.,-0.2162938910291672,1.8763952126582344,2.2773940561364903,94.0291125481563,88.01265822784809,5.257567418822235,19.97936158503027,6.7026698264267655,0.2130429279031376,1419,45,327,18,46,486,202,395,0.18,0.6829999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,3,1,38.0,1,0,3,8,20,27,2,1,13,1,38,8,1,3,0,46,71,26,2,11,19,2,1,3,0,4,7,0,1,4,11,10,0,2,4,0,0,5,13,8,0,3,17,4,49,19,33,48,7,32,0,3,3,0,16,12,1,10,18,193,60,16,0.0,0.2738956621432856,0.0,0.08400222466684445,0.0,0.15059612353737625,0.06830534084033682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162151654994993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480120864730323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528373485842613,0.0,0.0,0.06341037956316475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433839643812023,0.14091754974108062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814961659470117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31425420215428873,0.0791575597393857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969463337254254,0.0,0.06636807038602294,0.0,0.07997178227969498,0.0,0.0,0.07886990347757195,0.0,0.0,0.2709265640532348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961926701441949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03896174110735276,0.05504869779216223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554364659033184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129244471700264,0.07391897010670095,0.08758520381536572,0.32315385656810125,0.12325716714632005,0.0,0.0,0.07629738285727973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164889618337195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646703076332886,0.0,0.0,0.1369815180499784,0.08525085516514372,0.0,0.04234786701742562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787948032081801,0.16328042703954682,0.11293675364856118,0.0,0.0680417064585662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841155370283977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741293464763503,0.0,0.08559165216193633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150522549435487,0.0,0.05664489857699018,0.0,0.0,0.07442099732334823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393714365877578,0.0,0.0808571276444059,0.0,0.10443004440764556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344395097925983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458415798066374,0.07284266261271387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049363935532959084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798461015302133,0.1842105516199093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909669849992056,0.06374137588898969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054540510545458734,0.0,0.061536882517458084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793639175321678,0.061934554454954466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946775355292494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044931872053048987,0.0,0.0,0.07363014430085396,0.17122371681216922,0.10463169612612476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544952287115448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781235923140217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219511873095787,0.0,0.0,0.16421474475098227,0.0,0.0,0.04962142584108367
suicidewatch,kali-johnson,2018/01/02,"My own mind is ruining my life and no one seems to care. Hi there. 
I'm 15 years old and have been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past few years. 
Now, before I start, please don't give me the whole ""you're young and don't have life figured out"" speech. I know. I'm just here to express how I'm feeling.
Okay. I had my worst battle with depression in April and May of 2017. I started cutting (I am now about 9 months clean) and wanted to kill myself. It was all I ever thought about. Because of my thoughts and actions, I started going to counseling. I did end up feeling much better, to the point that I stopped going in late August-early September. I thought things were really starting to get better, like how everyone said it would. 
But I was wrong.
My anxiety has since become the worst it's ever been. I can't do the basic things I love anymore. It feels like my anxiety has taken over my life. It's a living hell that perpetually torments me.
I've tried talking to many people--my friends, the school counselor, and even my own dad (my parents are separated). But no one seems to truly listen. The school counselor, who is normally pretty understanding, dismissed it as ""anxiety from school"". Yet I'm in a constant--and what feels like a permanent--state of anxiety. My dad finally set up an appointment with my counselor after months of telling him that it's a crushing weight on my shoulders. I know you've all heard it before, but it feels like no one understands. Or rather, they don't care enough to try and understand.
All this anxiety is making me crazy depressed. I think about suicide most of my waking hours. It's different from before though. It's more in-depth; what I would write in my note, how and when I would do it, that type of stuff.
I say all of this, but I know I have friends and family who love me. I know they'd be hurt if I did kill myself. In fact, that's one of the very few things keeping me alive. 
Now, I don't really *want* to kill myself per se--I feel like I have to. Like it's my only way of this mess. The only escape.

This probably sounded completely childish from many of your perspectives but for me, it feels like an absolutely unbearable pain and burden that I will never be able to get rid of. I guess I'm asking for advice, encouragement (but not that empty ""It'll get better, hang in there"" crap), pretty much anything. Just please try and help me.",2.7547716034271734,4.817357141052637,3.8221395348837213,87.33479069767442,76.53684210526316,7.0291309669522635,24.30966952264382,7.97965635744439,1.3459346389228886,1882,63,379,31,43,608,225,475,0.17,0.68,0.15,-0.8941,2,0,0,0,0,4,83.0,0,1,2,3,21,37,7,1,15,1,35,10,3,4,8,75,84,27,4,8,12,3,8,7,2,6,4,6,1,0,34,17,1,2,21,0,0,4,10,19,0,4,14,14,55,18,48,61,16,44,1,5,0,2,26,12,2,7,33,249,89,4,0.06421810251783762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275318654804267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947600359208176,0.0,0.06368710177879175,0.0,0.0,0.05284602663523246,0.0,0.06003525704755919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914675924399598,0.07092384887087652,0.1639346260678079,0.0,0.0,0.1703870791448412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309492708582237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733145868942338,0.0693969549229036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593287279671842,0.0,0.0,0.06709424900475629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687817788813504,0.06635446648179158,0.0,0.04241545105768242,0.11617790056627555,0.0,0.06136314896211825,0.0,0.0,0.0605391117890541,0.0,0.2272942151977245,0.22938712635063405,0.0,0.0703477923522386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922949341078087,0.0,0.100653924183401,0.06160385555201539,0.0729932551352808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074347993629325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304404045820233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324189522840262,0.0,0.068746806935733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708000016143135,0.21314344719759065,0.0,0.14117035878133538,0.0,0.07244081678378088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607743488979945,0.21961604775994056,0.0,0.05670576105342899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159186895289346,0.0,0.04286608209239502,0.1302141530466738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648419770198104,0.0,0.10251655350660502,0.0,0.09441538876037801,0.0,0.04952895958219905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292010567328858,0.0,0.0,0.06738609594487979,0.0,0.1740633929745716,0.09768152148668682,0.06833258879185766,0.0,0.07130660314600246,0.0,0.06130344528303752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409843844606621,0.06070686400446783,0.0,0.0,0.13066579417047347,0.06923797600294841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227952174284242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061086121291969026,0.05106881264808509,0.0,0.194976444566756,0.0,0.116923497337969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053121878014315976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818156139635408,0.0,0.0,0.053689209201194785,0.0,0.06713470399656164,0.0735143633365072,0.07024418113470847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161607826534868,0.05612945212803527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799096143621724,0.04114836708010016,0.06309395967065996,0.15294600050251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079962866795616,0.0,0.0,0.20055992848228005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298666004098048,0.07575500139736943,0.05097334067203083,0.0,0.07820034840918083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169721810051166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685609256389686,0.07021241397663226,0.0,0.08270870509658383
suicidewatch,BokehIsMyFavorite,2018/01/02,"What did I do What did I do to deserve these thoughts constantly running rampant in my mind? I had a good day today with my family, but I still just want to end my life at the end of the day. My life is in a good spot too, things are great with my family, girlfriend, high school, etc. Why can’t I ever just be happy? I don’t know what I did that was so bad to where I would never be happy again. I think I’ve been a good person in my life but I obviously did some things wrong. I want to just end it all right now.",1.1404385964912258,2.133370763157899,3.1166666666666667,95.27833333333336,78.21052631578948,6.470175438596491,18.807017543859647,6.937597516519254,-0.15020350877193026,393,7,100,4,9,133,66,114,0.08199999999999999,0.69,0.227,0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,5,0,16,3,0,0,4,19,21,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,8,0,17,6,11,10,3,20,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,12,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234855031467505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834961920883808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900273205899915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893530120976335,0.0,0.1634225163384519,0.0,0.13254707166611127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762756754871428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368713627338196,0.0,0.16155264276485212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119732273945562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481967380968736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053045188162053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105007996626609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795609376869762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301492836917985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279465619912075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251379886046551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829875357950428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702107580714585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469941707686372,0.09389213497102422,0.0,0.11633046899532888,0.0,0.0,0.13889571441399726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285737735560772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222282576104427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409251226262034,0.16021032953513106,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Johnsonm23,2018/01/02,"I know I’m loved but I can’t feel it. My family is rich, I live in a great neighborhood, and my family loves me (to the best of their ability). I know I’m loved, I really do. I know people care and people will be hurt if I die or even kill myself.

So why can’t I feel it? I feel like the worlds shittiest, most disrespectful, and disgusting child. I’m a bad friend and an asshole and I know people in school only talk to me out of pity. I look at myself in the mirror and scoff in disgust because I can’t find anything about me worth anyone else’s time. 

I don’t talk to my family anymore. I lock myself away in my room listening to music or wallowing in sudden wave of sadness to sudden wave of sadness. I don’t know why I feel this way and I remember when it started. It was just like a switch, a flick on and it hasn’t flicked off. I haven’t been to a therapist because I’m sure they’re just gonna tell me what I already know or make everything worse.

School has become harder and harder to do. I’m a relatively smart guy, I get good grades and I’m in challenging classes, but they’ve only gotten harder and harder and I’ve gotten lazier and lazier. Whenever I’m on break from school I work super late hours at my job everyday. I don’t get breaks anymore. My bosses are dickheads and my coworkers are worse. I’m the youngest one there and I can’t seem to avoid the abuse they pass of as “friendly jokes”. Whenever I get home from anything now all I do is sleep and try to continue from there, but it’s hard. I’ve lost motivation to do anything. Even the idea of killing myself seems far fetched because of how much planning is needed.

I’m so young, too. I’m only 17, a senior in high school. Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I just be normal? My small town is very... conservative. I’m a gay guy and I hate myself for it. I hate that I sing in choirs and act in theaters because I’m just pushing the stereotype. I hate who I am and how I act. I try to please other people and sometimes it works but I end up feeling bad I can’t make everyone happy.

This post is more of a rant than anything else. I’m sorry for that. Thank you for reading. If you have any advice, please... Help me.",0.7306299710773665,2.7885179284164856,2.7968397505423006,92.11670575741142,83.3817787418655,5.9240961677512685,20.45015365148228,7.1686216300943375,0.4636583152566889,1699,50,378,24,48,572,206,461,0.21,0.622,0.168,-0.9823,1,1,0,0,1,2,55.0,0,2,2,8,17,34,7,1,17,0,31,5,1,6,2,64,79,35,3,4,13,0,7,2,2,2,0,2,2,3,16,21,0,2,18,4,2,4,11,15,0,1,5,10,58,19,46,70,5,46,0,5,1,4,18,24,0,8,15,218,74,14,0.0,0.08452141869570301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970865061451881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872097876678094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485108823917436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414921590682973,0.04987974478407803,0.07309209606827005,0.23481358698881094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702245969054081,0.0,0.11912505297097407,0.17394289679560607,0.07878493624211143,0.0,0.0,0.07486266328885313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273174059052326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403543861568311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918404105992765,0.0,0.06318246527543267,0.0,0.0,0.09423342529940193,0.0,0.0,0.06816454345839741,0.06411213911031945,0.0,0.20174751392037946,0.0,0.2164175545338031,0.050962406615010634,0.0,0.0,0.06519975273901499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102279337087078,0.0,0.11181024613800772,0.0,0.0,0.059833198234081376,0.0,0.07864812078879015,0.0,0.14126758324108596,0.0,0.07593842988600709,0.06390298645273132,0.2112884029124585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047814973906398835,0.07537033252986491,0.07155575973962676,0.0,0.0702515269930022,0.0,0.07636659441792545,0.08052958820313745,0.0,0.0,0.07078990872419268,0.0,0.1578452867897635,0.0,0.23522618751512595,0.0,0.0804700424821448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970226959103745,0.0,0.06299093803113276,0.0,0.05990421945282096,0.0,0.07787160046666039,0.0,0.19315040094129107,0.0,0.0952345818328886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244012065182084,0.05289469232063498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989407079192668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048339076121468136,0.16276258053279172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782142273116607,0.0,0.0,0.15661087092282214,0.0,0.0,0.06832010718902468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135524007356345,0.0,0.045699626978388135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080809708875733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28878310090722714,0.0,0.1298831130801648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138745351581667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055306432032425,0.07985473949620699,0.050491942350790506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723327503568764,0.0,0.0,0.11467424568587352,0.062350751934837176,0.06567654517503227,0.0,0.08282651939761049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159655769127275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968648352578652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885961773748684,0.0,0.11324629046020195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574783449782653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038668213837486,0.0,0.14539482546267507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bagelinablender,2018/01/02,"i don’t think the world is better off without me, i think i’m better off without the world. it sounds selfish, and maybe it is, but earth is an awful place lmao
racism, sexism, rape, sexual assault, homophobia, transphobia, and, jesus fuck, so many other issues rid our world. 
i don’t feel like i am not wanted by the world, or that the world is better off without me, but i feel like the only way to escape from the evil of the world and the pain that comes with it, along with depression & panic disorder is suicide. i’ve been in therapy for about four years now and have tried dozens of medications and prescriptions, none of which helped how i felt/feel. 
in september i survived an overdose on a “suicide cocktail,” if you will, which contained probably around one hundred pills of acetaminophens & anti-histamines. i sustained liver damage and despite taking the pills and going to bed, ready to die, i am still here. 
i don’t know what i’m going to do next. 
part of me wants to hold out and wait so i can experience life and fall in love and shit but if i off myself i don’t have to worry about anything. it’s a pretty loaded concept. ",7.694211169995924,6.443707071748882,7.55582551977171,76.99898899306973,63.484304932735434,10.082185079494497,32.82878108438646,8.841846274778883,2.5754520179372205,899,28,172,11,11,288,131,223,0.28300000000000003,0.5820000000000001,0.135,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,1,1,0,4,9,16,5,1,13,1,17,10,2,1,0,37,33,19,3,4,10,0,2,2,0,1,5,1,1,0,10,16,1,3,5,1,0,4,9,10,0,3,1,3,19,6,32,31,2,26,1,2,0,3,4,17,2,3,6,119,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708067930820635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283848749575483,0.11124852476952184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315736418372992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764936009176744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763524873260916,0.0,0.1296976486915887,0.0,0.1432248113288907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122243243898993,0.0,0.0,0.18956359605244533,0.17855514691936722,0.11998942768670624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553143194226342,0.0,0.0,0.14204503977787086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376380019981296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043472226769845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867945946302516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826899880894881,0.12210666463870685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278901615375148,0.0,0.0,0.12669851834170698,0.1255477284099886,0.0,0.0,0.12589268985020965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329054950316186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468193921863337,0.09504423100068668,0.13297537252004035,0.14662369433139538,0.0,0.13532878636736406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056556049026674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713796566650806,0.13473725808296547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827844424960258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998000637576298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733906710956068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396081430055668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291245424631518,0.0,0.0,0.16014963102699484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484545785605661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741940425754388,0.09919423637088806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613957343255988,0.0,0.0,0.12691165191308149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047566370102836
suicidewatch,indirosie,2018/01/02,"I finally feel ready. Being suicidal is not new to me, I’ve been suicidal since my early teen years; I’ve made plans, I’ve set dates. But today, now, I finally feel ready. I finally feel capable. ",1.6811538461538476,3.93018012820513,4.550961538461539,79.80028846153847,81.05128205128206,10.053846153846157,25.134615384615394,10.125756701596842,3.2121230769230777,151,6,30,6,4,54,26,39,0.202,0.628,0.17,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255355979358689,0.0,0.0,0.7052752063598722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306655425013126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726900436240064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775253220512206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694909647133631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034225649210653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820002283008084
suicidewatch,RuffSamurai,2018/01/02,"My fate is sealed. Maybe not tonight. But I’ve been telling myself as far back as I can remember that I will die by suicide. I was sexually abused by my older brother growing up for many years. Though I’ve blocked out most of it one of my earliest memories is him ejaculating in my mouth. I remember not thinking anything was wrong, yet being shocked, thinking he peed in my mouth. Sorry to start off on such a awful subject, but that moment shaped who I am. And who I always will be.

So far I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, clinical depression, General Anxiety Disorder and social anxiety disorder and OCD. I am constantly scared I have schizophrenia or psychosis. That is my  most severe phobia.

I haven’t been to a mental health clinic or any kind of therapy for many months, but my mental state has been deteriorating rapidly. I’m scared to go back to the doctor because I don’t want to be diagnosed with anything else. 

The worst part is, I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves me more then I deserve. Yeah I know how awful. But it really is. One minute I love her more then anything. I’m on top of the world and feel like the luckiest guy. 
The next minute I can’t stop thinking about her flaws, and how much I loath her and ways to get out of the relationship. I think I deserve better when I don’t think anyone better even exists. The mood swings are constant.
I think about how I’m dragging her down with me, and how I’m better off dead. I usually just want to be left alone. 

I fantasize about suicide a lot. I envy the people that have the courage to go through with it, as sick as it sounds.
I fantasize in general a lot. I escape as much as possible, be it through alcohol or fantasy games or literature. 

I’m irritated, agitated and anxious all the time. I get intrusive thoughts constantly. Which just make me more anxious and scared. My doctor said this was normal with people with anxiety disorders like ptsd. But they scare me so badly.

I have no direction in life. I clean constantly and that’s about all I get done in the day. I wash my hands so often I have cuts on them. 

I am so quick to anger. And I have no social skills. 

I look around and see other people my age. The peak of there lives, socializing, happy, living to there full potential, going to university and excelling at life and fulfilling their dreams. I am jealous of them. I am so bitter. I feel like the scared little kid I was wen I was being abused, it’s not fair man. I never had a fucking chance. 

I don’t know what I’m doing here, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just scared and angry and hopeless. ",2.3108737530099788,4.616710732943472,3.8362550166265343,85.47441692466461,79.09746588693956,7.298383212934297,24.678706570347448,8.313332769828598,1.7056657034743723,2038,75,405,42,51,674,239,513,0.264,0.613,0.123,-0.998,0,1,1,0,2,3,63.0,0,0,4,6,29,31,5,6,19,3,45,18,3,5,3,76,80,45,4,3,15,1,3,3,1,2,12,2,1,3,19,27,1,2,14,3,0,4,12,18,0,2,13,8,67,12,57,59,14,54,0,2,2,3,27,24,1,9,27,281,86,3,0.0,0.15568979585813705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021434875634276,0.0,0.06804638353470946,0.0,0.0,0.05466846460356576,0.0,0.0,0.044678907979881236,0.0,0.15078317112341866,0.1484467748332817,0.0,0.04593964111539392,0.0,0.16219888396553614,0.05848778668969831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103997049416104,0.054857559967765916,0.040050697372016685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432148854003846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28399760223656084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237168597965205,0.0,0.05658814335927417,0.13337018937241352,0.06818722699060267,0.0,0.2258969877856237,0.13449543971255445,0.0,0.0672348962736883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488472421698512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339486657428398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644076220646389,0.0938735625214222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060739481816892635,0.10297812474460674,0.0,0.11201811445234408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650542830905393,0.0,0.06993989706505578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983705160021111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841744286965228,0.1083225934912628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138428879013962,0.0,0.09281306667835326,0.09629451585414373,0.06584962542095119,0.11603030846284415,0.0,0.05517226190457264,0.0,0.0,0.11171321890256602,0.11859536890773835,0.0,0.043855903133791285,0.1332209290868862,0.0660054483763484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242223581304466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244188202813898,0.0,0.09659553525067764,0.0,0.050672633180529225,0.0,0.06987371975855351,0.0,0.06437299433216012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904134608077671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114774066827531,0.0,0.13664632614721153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406796429310819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360182025151728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208971941581938,0.0,0.0,0.07053824661221772,0.14885276740933331,0.0,0.062496661402953485,0.0,0.3946687549264434,0.0,0.05235516136362724,0.0,0.0,0.07422338741664085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092157429329144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354684932129067,0.04650347993670774,0.0,0.0,0.054928947156455625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373238015623574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742553775206366,0.0,0.07513477735166986,0.0,0.0,0.25259114610318684,0.06455086279356298,0.05215922593750707,0.03831076001380889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236032883802791,0.0,0.07750426073514835,0.05215036648555597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366737876868538,0.0,0.04230926623080177
suicidewatch,Kookiekrumb,2018/01/02,"i cant. Today is my Ex’s birthday. The person who beat the shit out of me whenever he caught me eating, or sleeping. He thought I was too fat, and too lazy. I believed...actually, I still believe that. I was 15, he was 16. He stole my virginity. He watched me cut myself and laughed. He put me down in front of his friends. He put a knife to my cheek and left a long, ugly scar there. He threatened suicide when I told him I’d leave him if he laid another hand on me. 

Today is the day that vile creature was created. 

I’m 17 now. Every year on this day is the worst day of my life, but I always toughed it out. 

I can’t do it today. 
I literally, actually, positively, 100% can’t fucking do it anymore. I literally fucking can’t. 

I Physically, emotionally, can’t fucking do it. 

If you’re reading this past 3 Am on January 2, 2018, then I’m pretty sure it’s too late.


Today is the day his life began. 
Today is the day my life ended. 






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suicidewatch,vrtx97,2018/01/02,"First time going to therapy. Any advice on what to do in advance to facilitate it? English is not my native language so excuse me if I make any mistakes.

I've always struggled with self-esteem problems that have affected every single aspect of my life. 

From relationships (manifesting as jealousy, abusive/controlling behavior and overall trust issues due to the fear of my SO eventually finding someone better than me), to my academic/professional life; for example, even though I have a GPA of 97.9/100, sometimes I feel that everyone's better than me, and I end up being left as second in command in important projects, because I struggle to act as a true leader and feel that the other guy will do a better job than I could ever do. 

I also find it difficult to be socially active, and I'm the kind of person that will avoid contact if I see someone from school/work at, say, the movie theater or some other public place. 

I'm looking to overcome this insecurities, because I'm getting tired of messing up my life just because my mind does not want to cooperate, since I know that I'm not stupid and can actually outperform the average guy, but actually don't show it because halfway through something I get this anxiety that makes me feel like I'm doing a shitty job.

All of this has made me think I'm not worthy and even contemplate suicide several times. That's why I'm trying to get help.

So, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to make the whole thing more efficient; like writting all the things I perceive are wrong with me or making a list of moments that I feel could've been better if I wasn't so insecure.

Thank you in advance.",10.42252747252747,7.617509269841273,10.38,63.80076923076926,59.47619047619048,13.120879120879126,44.230769230769226,11.362043627235082,5.082860805860807,1320,63,226,27,13,441,179,315,0.135,0.747,0.117,-0.5966,2,1,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,0,7,11,22,1,6,12,0,20,4,0,6,4,47,48,22,1,8,12,0,4,2,0,2,4,1,0,3,19,8,0,1,10,1,0,4,6,12,0,2,3,7,27,10,38,40,6,21,0,0,2,0,11,10,0,8,9,152,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.1851261522201939,0.0,0.0,0.09268948494769452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585409898407007,0.0789254913278937,0.0,0.0,0.12900690699390424,0.0,0.07256246632125991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805613164523234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312866103728122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355599181795917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063859703035908,0.15146518218332172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300670649269645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401181363401253,0.0,0.0,0.12529933629269555,0.08580018289229352,0.07991794276366065,0.09063633235123422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673626186651483,0.19184258564316364,0.06776317113010469,0.0,0.0,0.17338827955558322,0.08068211453721483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486707034929803,0.0,0.05390728021409028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783923393999274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357812502611378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900213529353072,0.18825440232444005,0.0,0.0,0.0987750494374264,0.052128858170834014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305831902742962,0.0,0.20099293831529508,0.0926810002937138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965282928772073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975242586066003,0.2532610877267787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577472927777453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282218747871826,0.09910144369229963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076173715047378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183687820115388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543110081935682,0.0,0.09599653934168233,0.07558574882503498,0.0,0.0989526124237383,0.10715715837932796,0.0,0.07846357744449528,0.0,0.0,0.09669092949330543,0.16073767900414998,0.07302265559118935,0.0938122763198399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832239533504034,0.0,0.10375404546132598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732811626323222,0.10847294251438801,0.0,0.12603255118527776,0.060778123963047014,0.0931928232952258,0.0,0.11061937002114633,0.10901984191726326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439912127437457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594689646842375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559029249179563,0.10590025118216452,0.0,0.0,0.10286428884936956,0.06905428589094413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370712383579096,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flower0418,2018/01/02,Kill my self I want to die tonight I'm tired of living and always hiding my self behind a mask,0.6414285714285732,2.380827666666669,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,81.85714285714286,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.1489238095238097,75,1,17,0,2,25,18,21,0.489,0.464,0.046,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658615674635419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33160549102986026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534953315018305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28213705931662425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6666463825810812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672347877612467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884578650010741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,patrick20016,2018/01/02,"I will commit suicide today Im just done, everything is fucked up. I hope it will be success
",1.4163157894736818,3.6757519473684224,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,82.15789473684211,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.3702421052631577,73,3,14,1,2,25,16,19,0.31,0.383,0.307,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38795821762597743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34071704387192736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35047843324224504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765389208931188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095007559870167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146816691258479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593492318252808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RancidRomance,2018/01/02,"I really need help soon I've dealt with depression and suicidal/homicidal feelings for all of last year and although I've felt that I've been improving, I'm experience sort of a relapse. Right now, I feel especially angry and jealous of people who manage to have relationships and can barely stand to listen to people. Please, I just want someone who can help me through this, without any of the normal bullshit like: ""It gets better"" or some other bland bullshit. I want someone to actually listen to what I'm saying and at least attempt to sympathize with me, not telling me to go to a therapist or some other unhelpful generic cliche. I really need someone to talk to, fast.",9.367857142857146,8.129635785714285,9.457142857142859,64.66285714285716,60.19047619047619,12.526984126984127,40.84126984126985,11.538034831475384,4.896279365079366,543,25,89,13,6,180,80,126,0.132,0.7290000000000001,0.139,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,24,17,8,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,6,8,2,20,15,4,9,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,5,6,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.17377908799641156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109959815927665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749610697909544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337889244010702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741951040972794,0.0,0.0,0.18008384645886816,0.0,0.17098344399081308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303875206158586,0.0,0.10120620862717564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238724749605738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451578790766125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700024017395344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264086145993406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744792811284531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469146469712316,0.0,0.0,0.19547689715242103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816350436262303,0.0,0.0,0.1911898411538176,0.0,0.15207820612817768,0.0,0.1416153012391441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526564225908569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431328846962076,0.15564860155012605,0.0,0.0,0.20676305442115156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007081987958687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166147743149834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467682113607396
suicidewatch,TurnAround508,2018/01/02,Help me help my friend This girl I’ve know for awhile is severely depressed. Started drinking at almost a decade before the legal age when her dad died. fast forward till now she pretty much dates viciously abusive guys and just drinks her life away and recently her mom passed and she just got cheated on by her current boyfriend. She’s started cutting again and I just don’t know what to do. She’s only 20 and she’s telling me she wants to slit her wrists so bad every night and I try and beg her to try and go to detox or atleast seek counseling ling or something and she won’t.,1.5080586080586116,4.077731435897436,1.8897985347985369,96.39865384615385,85.06837606837607,4.710378510378511,22.88705738705739,6.18269132825596,0.3573570207570205,466,17,97,4,14,141,81,117,0.192,0.7090000000000001,0.099,-0.9245,1,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,2,0,4,5,1,0,0,18,11,14,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,9,2,0,2,2,0,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,18,1,10,9,1,18,0,1,0,0,21,4,0,3,13,55,20,1,0.0,0.21877111039292246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848927422126876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347765991190034,0.0,0.1541687333000282,0.0,0.0,0.1571171254626222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903227169830306,0.0,0.19162971190406053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617586139352563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556922775952448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265429890966452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493655946979212,0.0,0.1476754347411678,0.0,0.0,0.1828250550280232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475238843912896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294932349810052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041842302046075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625100594260385,0.0,0.0,0.1357334460444985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327443138143936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042890359650564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784775189468275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231214402701013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208593412211272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214677888876506,0.0,0.0,0.26138175303816674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138563981902804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507202067168806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890690098059376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,superuby,2018/01/02,"Felt like this since I was 14 I'm turning 26 this year. I just want it to stop.

It comes in waves. Some days are bearable, others feel like I'll never come out from. It's always just there, though. Looming. I always know the darkness is going to creep back, even when I feel good.

I told my boyfriend how I felt, admitted I was at a really low point and needed help. Texting him during my shift because I can't just step away. When I'm off at the end of the night I call, no answer. Phone is off. Straight to voicemail.

Tried calling the suicide hotline afterwards. Never called them before. They hung up on me.

Come home to him sleeping. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to put my feelings and problems on anyone. I feel so alone.

It's becoming increasingly more difficult to not take the dive. I've fantasized about how I'd do it but the thought of the pain I'd leave my family with is even worse.

I don't know why I'm writing this anymore.",0.22629441624365754,2.56106194416244,1.9187329949238607,95.3413685279188,89.45685279187819,4.776365482233503,20.06274111675127,6.360717304075467,0.1193887918781722,741,24,162,8,25,241,122,197,0.14800000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.071,-0.9371,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,2,0,14,8,0,0,9,0,12,2,1,2,2,35,36,9,1,5,5,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,7,0,1,11,0,0,7,8,5,0,0,6,6,22,3,22,29,3,31,0,1,0,0,12,13,0,1,13,96,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853692125349642,0.0,0.0,0.20653312534129786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308031473280533,0.08677816109729404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660215643322985,0.0954302496049545,0.0,0.07565417979382559,0.13706589556248785,0.10560550361836724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801798840940882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32072032129082123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003843527358544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099215357642698,0.0,0.0,0.16394236571939338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699657739995567,0.0,0.2510079324171094,0.08866171930684909,0.2383234343203198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705325926639518,0.10409465681510133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318598113270366,0.0,0.1244889538429777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641139025371618,0.0,0.0,0.13141088010521787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126434899780872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202340852507848,0.19143719100106632,0.0,0.0,0.1164655573753884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205808240766778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732077170136952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875317416280565,0.0,0.12476132629630945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950581161118328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266219191304113,0.0,0.12419614351151564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375860388797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357523844033232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331265423696754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193402113000155,0.0985267102924414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858909380876548,0.0,0.08426017730300266,0.1349922505312348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960371458630126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198682649796136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647514177679228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992052684222055
suicidewatch,NearCreditworthiness,2018/01/02,"Just Need Someone to Talk To I've thought about committing suicide in the past, now that I live on my own I could actually do it with relative ease, one of my neighbors actually offered to sell me a gun the other day because he's moving and can't bring it with him. I just wish I could have someone to talk to help calm me down.",4.874565217391306,4.554736420289856,6.01576086956522,82.65668478260872,68.85507246376812,9.218840579710145,33.19202898550725,8.841846274778883,2.4973159420289868,259,11,57,4,4,87,51,69,0.095,0.746,0.159,0.3818,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,9,1,12,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.4360847919402657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620519326063518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567927149484786,0.0,0.0,0.1440984566143861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976519033889735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729906874624067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374782958513245,0.0,0.16567579183091805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140677375062414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132960115619158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786350899904883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444039417734289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591805835915345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773841135187594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569416587347855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadboywalking312,2018/01/02,"Afterlife? I'm honestly going to live my life to the fullest then off I go. The only thing really stopping me is what's the afterlife is like or is it just sleeping forever. No one even knows, until you get there. ",1.27186046511628,3.7312557209302364,3.680279069767444,83.99437209302326,84.81395348837209,8.091162790697675,24.879069767441862,8.841846274778883,2.4147804651162796,168,7,33,5,5,58,36,43,0.09,0.79,0.121,0.3415,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426323459454051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192611139132013,0.0,0.4175488952735511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188689778689745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25947138314167906,0.17946949434193846,0.0,0.3243782982362285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489270320572708,0.279387535942973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353349178885597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676170162037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071224861601484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244052159128244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Extrondvict,2018/01/02,"I'm becoming insane I don't know how to start this. I'm 19 and I'm a giant failure. I'm lonely, I don't have any friends. I have fucked up time and time again. I don't have any positive memories. I failed at military boot camp, I'm barely making it through college, I'm known as the dumbass of my family. 

I'm a loser. Hell, I know this might sound pathetic but, I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, held hands with one, you get the picture. Im just a giant waste of time.

I don't have anyone in my life and I've been talking to myself a lot, almost as if I were conversing with someone. I keep imagining someone by my side when I wake up, someone I can say hello to, express myself to. However, then I realize it's all in my head and then I just want to cry. There are so many times where I just make up certain social scenarios in my head and then express them out loud, alone in my room. At this rate, I'm going to need a straight jacket. 

I'm lonely and scared. I figure death is the only way to resolve this. 

Please, can anyone help?",1.0298377108691028,2.8229903139013497,3.36757206918642,89.83245142002991,80.83856502242153,6.400085415332053,22.278240444159728,7.447530270364453,0.8438231475549864,812,26,178,12,21,280,124,223,0.219,0.7070000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.983,1,5,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,3,9,11,2,1,10,0,16,7,4,3,4,35,37,16,1,3,5,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,1,6,9,0,2,7,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,4,4,25,4,25,32,2,30,1,4,0,2,13,16,2,4,12,107,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748172335742848,0.15253981185011178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031372316629145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059661027725114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266148057906926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178244366000133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884443263192614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378976587053585,0.13615990515493084,0.07694880539442188,0.0,0.0837037973940668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30230779985730977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872007036425264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908991483514745,0.0,0.0,0.13091107554830575,0.0,0.0,0.1618847534279807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402968528905182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521395339015742,0.0,0.0,0.19662385758187714,0.14932090731203232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624300688400553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920779247962273,0.2271860319326128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980214577541956,0.11201465489533774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616714904788317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712461758633765,0.14745505073728873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013552789176304,0.3743748728424777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042470108099498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837975301668045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34352544959926035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687078383887263,0.11690565579526135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thislovecamebacktome,2018/01/02,"I’m so tired. I’ve heard it all before. Guilt trips, tough love, everything. I attempted last night but considering I’m still here, that didn’t work.

It’s strange. Most of us are in this state because of people who could help us but refuse to for one reason or another, and/or made things worse among the way. And some of us have people who want to help, but can’t. Ironic how life turns out like this.

I have plenty of friends who want to help, but they can’t. Family wise they’re abusive. I’m missing a very big part of me because a person I dearly love left me, and I’ve never been able to replicate that connection and companionship in anyone else. And his family despite knowing what happened, refuses to help me, or at least get us on talking terms.

If it wasn’t for me being back home for the holidays and on strict surveillance, I would attempt more often than once every 1-2 weeks. I’ve grown tired of living through conventional methods, and am starting to turn to unconventional ones.

I just want to die so badly.

Once I return to school in February, that’s when I’ll start doing daily attempts. And I really hope I don’t ever get to fail again.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this on here honestly, knowing that people will try to talk me out of it again.

All I know is that I’m a dead man walking, and that what I really want in life is for it to end.

I just don’t want to suffer anymore.",2.9686500456065668,4.516846573426577,4.236488294314384,86.83677257525083,74.52447552447552,7.351535421100639,23.973244147157192,8.04050195162591,1.2096550927333536,1104,33,231,17,23,363,161,286,0.16699999999999998,0.6609999999999999,0.172,-0.2922,0,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,4,0,1,5,15,14,0,1,5,0,19,6,0,3,4,43,46,19,2,9,9,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,1,2,20,10,0,2,5,1,0,3,8,6,0,2,5,1,23,8,37,37,8,34,1,3,0,2,24,13,0,7,16,144,43,3,0.09279594282364632,0.10994801814115784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730463707789837,0.0,0.0,0.0920286402673908,0.06488508083543261,0.0950804095400018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135435207967394,0.07748073616862347,0.11313509088898625,0.0,0.07896251259878333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409000947009126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630753806099493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751910291384889,0.0,0.0821896620466868,0.0,0.0,0.06129084505563806,0.0839392429519762,0.07818458408511816,0.0,0.08339900989295868,0.0,0.17495951253343134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169391523526028,0.0,0.09696410022811557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205914577564301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487966576806642,0.0,0.09308189677082156,0.09216730936551948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039928934092639,0.07564107871077469,0.0,0.0,0.10082306339515597,0.0,0.13108903743680692,0.045335410359509686,0.0,0.08194051761376353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675039227876774,0.08780576481176529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156995179401003,0.0,0.0,0.08708270617042878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976493011504696,0.12576186487035831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100488963179395,0.0,0.19299906796519786,0.08102583796723675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887286205723165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188949142974906,0.09540968436516112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391444827647524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313628918973468,0.0,0.07410695980836995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491717275876133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061649501068537976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331057088227107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300235389159098,0.20187067753269705,0.0,0.0,0.4464883742150593,0.0,0.0,0.0765663712068267,0.2736672566868084,0.0736571001178079,0.0744353079681446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373390491274617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755655156995947,0.0,0.0945669935164812,0.06591957533625077,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TypingGarbage,2018/01/02,"i want to self harm again i want to cut so badly but i cant because i was supposed to not do that anymore

i usually strangle myself now as a form of self injury but it doesnt give you the same feeling

im so dissociated ive been so dissociated for so fucking long its like im in a delusion or illusion where everything is fucking fake and i hate when i tell specific people this and theyre like ""lmao ME TOO XDDD"" like fuck off you have no idea whats its like to feel like youre not fucking real and everything is a dream and every living moment is just complete disorientation like you have no fucking clue what it feels like to be constantly wondering if the people you see on a daily basis are even fucking there fuck off

i want to kill myself i want to kill myself so fucking bad but i cant even do that right now because unfortunately i care about my family and my brother already might kill himself and i dont want my mom to go through two so i'll have to move far away and cut contact so it would be easier for me 

i hope one day someone just shoots me in the head from behind and i dont even feel a thing, maybe a murder or an accident would be easier than a suicide ",1.2684677419354848,3.3608848467741943,3.5997677419354837,86.92265161290324,81.58064516129029,6.387354838709677,23.226451612903233,7.554174236665415,1.0822933548387097,934,33,197,15,25,322,132,248,0.262,0.5579999999999999,0.181,-0.9889,0,0,0,1,0,3,3.0,0,5,0,0,20,28,15,0,11,0,23,9,1,0,0,36,47,23,5,9,10,2,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,9,19,0,2,2,5,30,9,24,39,2,20,0,0,1,8,13,9,8,7,16,139,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955314647668343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048088479619117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762448872450681,0.0,0.13551690394192684,0.09893889760609058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273977687579018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508622968532567,0.0876963808740401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233626597807136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902188593889426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608002060766685,0.0,0.06837398103796757,0.0,0.14586820119931598,0.0,0.07650279484347793,0.0,0.16413136849419466,0.1159498760278174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6001890370405746,0.0,0.07784830308189625,0.04612049844759771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012070645488682,0.08328526810065627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806021536933395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161062427117313,0.1753159688954079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693476817104079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775270556439179,0.0,0.07165861995844687,0.07181688329746863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152799734911084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608934816322396,0.0,0.09504413175217914,0.0,0.0862516334158517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499063187817126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252102758118726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236863568434964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930328449992644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466756247951741,0.0,0.16931827350777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875974678688826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876701391030882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093034294573668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391372054203602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927362053751473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089377359639321,0.0,0.2393274842908332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800578058008877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529597162440093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyLastAccount420,2018/01/02,I want to die so badly. I hate myself and I’m ready to die. The only reason I’ve stayed was for my boyfriend but I’ve shown myself time and time again I’m an awful girlfriend and nobody deserves to date someone like me. I feel terribly bad for everyone I’m going to hurt but I’m done living for other people instead of myself. And I can’t find one single thing to live for. I hope that my boyfriend won’t follow me because I know he has a great future ahead,0.9162244897959226,2.9595338877551036,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,82.57142857142857,4.736326530612245,18.983673469387764,5.6839178017228535,-0.18633795918367327,363,9,76,2,10,122,64,98,0.247,0.615,0.138,-0.9258,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,12,16,7,2,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,1,13,3,11,13,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313167000849259,0.120944723910375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118223094090037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030353152513528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958272032781012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031859828575854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133689249319387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275708717842448,0.0,0.0,0.21874018267149686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588204348648355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705910336365945,0.0,0.0,0.21239468464652803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090371872210331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969297615127162,0.0,0.3503872477406431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444311491404914,0.15089454242837036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754776881686862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399149093791535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810635235490154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147136858131946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181024255795346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313809544751725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702332333218796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rxnaij,2018/01/02,"I've never seriously considered dying until now I'm in college, graduating in a year and a half from now. Things aren't looking so good. I thought that by switching my major, I could set myself up for a happier and more successful career than anticipated. Not so much. No matter where I go, everyone is more talented and successful than I ever was or will be. There's no way I'm getting a decent job outside of school. I'll be stuck living with a family that doesn't give a shit about my mental health for years to come, even more so because I'm not some mega-successful doctor or a student at an Ivy League.

And it's not like I can work up the motivation to work anyway. I'm so tired and alone all the time, my thoughts just feel like a blurry jumble of noise. There's no one to talk to. I put so much energy into helping out other people who are struggling and putting my own feelings aside and now nothing is left.

I thought I was ""over"" being depressed back when I changed my major, hoping that I could finally have a chance at a new way of looking at my useless life. Things are getting more and more hopeless by the day. I don't know who to talk to. Not that anyone will care. Maybe that's why people believe in God. At least they can imagine that someone cares about their struggles.

I used to think that dying wouldn't be worth it because I'm living in an inherently more privileged position than billions of other people on the planet, with the opportunity to go to school and all. That matters less now. A waste of flesh somewhere is a waste of flesh everywhere.",5.194903846153847,5.803133810897439,6.000410256410259,79.82792307692307,68.26282051282051,8.675897435897436,30.343589743589746,8.697196308434329,2.29806358974359,1247,46,241,19,20,410,168,312,0.12,0.716,0.16399999999999998,0.936,2,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,6,20,18,1,2,19,0,22,7,3,2,4,42,47,18,2,4,7,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,16,14,0,0,9,0,1,5,12,7,0,3,6,4,21,11,42,32,16,39,0,3,2,0,8,16,1,4,17,174,37,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048792408042282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459287791908054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203005074731555,0.0,0.13006182491241966,0.0,0.0,0.1201914118474038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753398579709332,0.0,0.1128529036256206,0.09189505542910344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035000836149272,0.0,0.0,0.06879953614715345,0.0,0.09188300924386904,0.0,0.22143322738523946,0.0,0.0,0.10919112199801087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046088968260755,0.0964978331153998,0.0,0.10193695839087642,0.0,0.0,0.10056806118719752,0.0,0.1078808528710232,0.07621194919003424,0.0,0.11686232051629407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147140756738627,0.1023368221210429,0.12125698464616233,0.08947781250090997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133954584268068,0.0,0.0,0.07150510746884438,0.0,0.0,0.10595694367815277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586307211924843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862833489038289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590773044326197,0.0,0.07535097776062069,0.10423655752037343,0.0,0.1884001360032822,0.0,0.17916804297316444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717402733651962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107507976008809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568436059477095,0.0,0.0822779074651279,0.1030318516905268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023619824224284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722888783705404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187467026106766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144849870927577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593096240081808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095051074583944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038930455061032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230494244063668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149009173838978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174641220348005,0.06835599955090511,0.0,0.2540751306439657,0.062205750313091765,0.12261254180315095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213694861804488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935464998175048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626177337569976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553280827891091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739636854683826
suicidewatch,W-E-Baka,2018/01/02,"Why am I so useless? People out there exist, one's that have to worry about not eating certain things because it might cause a negative reaction in their body that causes them to die, one's that can't learn effectively because they interpret words differently not because of their own fault but because somewhere in their DNA is a disease that causes them to read words differently than other people, one's that live in an environment so cruel it would be punishment to any sentient being. And here I am, a human with no bounds, one that was not abused growing up, one who could never say I'm hungry and there is nothing to eat, one that could not proclaim that there was something educational I could not afford because my parents made every effort for me to be able to learn anything I wanted to. To be able to amount to anything. And here I am, nothing, that's all I'm worth, nothing. I have failed not only myself but society, through my stupidity I have failed the people that cannot afford to learn something they do not know, the ones that would wish with all their might to be able to learn something, anything, to be able to propel their species forward, but cannot because they are denied the resources to do some. I had all the resources, I had all the chances, I had every single opportunity afforded to me by society and what did I do you might ask? I squandered it away like the stupid impulsive creature I am. I could not look towards the future and determine that I had something to offer to this world other than a body that would eventually decay to feed the earth. Had I done everything correctly there is no doubt in my mind that I could have contributed to society. I could have helped somebody that had not eaten in weeks become better. I could have been valuable to society. I would never be indispensable but I could have become a nice cog to the machine dubbed humanity. Instead I live my life in the days that could have been. The days that should have been. The only thing I currently deserve is death and even then torture is the only way I could ever hope to possibly amount to the sins that I have committed. I offer nothing to this world and shouldn't be in it as a result. ",8.284070806469856,7.304195714964372,8.008618934509673,73.35174980205859,62.15914489311165,10.584368284130754,35.96210835878293,9.606745405546679,3.3120687931229504,1760,67,318,27,21,563,182,421,0.146,0.758,0.096,-0.9711,7,0,4,0,1,0,34.0,0,1,10,6,12,19,5,1,21,0,66,7,2,6,10,73,76,15,2,19,13,1,0,1,0,9,1,1,0,2,30,10,4,1,7,1,1,2,18,12,0,7,15,2,44,7,48,34,9,26,1,3,1,0,20,14,0,6,12,260,74,7,0.2604254893107481,0.07714040493552078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427456577546508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073099100973698,0.0,0.06086566941215814,0.0,0.06116957997258252,0.0,0.0,0.23812944165274724,0.1438097461760811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057581295510611766,0.0,0.14463700495010998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064653626856366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198214054992536,0.0,0.0,0.08397644807112148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757013550558204,0.1360446037949144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662642334088438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324014542978804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300214488961585,0.05889244118055291,0.1097098534017791,0.0,0.058513409365002926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363942898782039,0.0,0.0,0.0646653180882767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03578075955256467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598655619922227,0.031807684869414175,0.0,0.11498023913876665,0.0,0.054672955296381456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160522370268299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720271709491436,0.06573887631049946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042809603930336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498852807079503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088243399878016,0.14854898988211349,0.0,0.0,0.07229292165019545,0.0,0.0,0.13540968274570733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733976523872671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651239910366746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517752004534169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048826490966173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865075616077814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840142524681108,0.05167840790153293,0.052224404725431134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874837437732474,0.0,0.07486911507938865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611868143728591,0.0,0.18499879563404026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,midarii,2018/01/02,"i'm 14 and i just tried to kill myself 2 hours ago I don't know how to start this. But here it goes I guess. (just to catch you all up: i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, etc. etc. I have an abusive, pot smoking mom with BPD and a disabled 4 yrd old sister. Dad's not here, never has been.)


I tried to kill myself, as evident from the title. But clearly I'm not too bright cause 400mg of lexapro can't actually kill you. As I just learned because I finally have access to the Internet. Which fucking sucks 'cause killing myself would have been the biggest comeback to my ""mother."" Basically the reason why I downed the pills is because I'm fucking done. I'm tired of being screamed and hit by someone who is supposed to be there for me. And she knows what I'm like, she knows I'm suicidal! And yet she still calls me a pig, disgusting, rotten, a slob, everything else in the book and I'm just so, so exhausted with it. so i took my meds that i've hoarding for the past for weeks and well, swallowed them. But obviously it didnt work and I'm probably not going to die at all so that just means I have to get more.. creative.

Before I thought I wouldn't be able to kill myself, I always thought I was too much of a coward, but today was so relieving? 'Cause now I know I can do it. I can kill myself without hesitating. Honestly, I've probably never been more proud of myself. Yeah, I'm not going to die right now but at least I know I have the guts to just off myself.",1.1599754901960786,3.3370870032679747,3.0629044117647086,90.1349448529412,82.56209150326798,6.3086601307189545,22.961192810457522,7.531066641456977,1.0129349673202612,1157,41,248,19,32,387,162,306,0.175,0.7509999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9802,1,0,0,0,0,5,44.0,0,2,1,2,22,20,10,0,13,1,26,8,1,5,6,50,53,21,9,2,16,4,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,10,11,1,0,10,1,0,4,11,14,1,0,11,3,37,6,33,36,9,26,0,1,1,2,12,8,3,1,15,168,47,3,0.08938487153811324,0.10590645645030553,0.0872267406984661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923429544400043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437537359247565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837918206950445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897637609850236,0.0,0.07605994217206616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257711663648727,0.0,0.09127194766817033,0.0,0.0,0.2754686557970921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698705887884164,0.09072376307442044,0.1855347692106292,0.0,0.1024428067247799,0.0,0.0,0.09147175734803333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466959055389329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937551917741891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033335896866774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791675767199924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652697468167092,0.046699906154142136,0.0,0.1015989647405654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846751333875424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802609325380499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5933467013185361,0.0,0.24561793890503905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04366893322926412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736632917801367,0.09928644190197908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468648123630886,0.0,0.0,0.06570816533564856,0.0,0.13787824666546492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379438652543468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532797399216233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927440191451768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190253497051278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763341919029081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573551158937161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326707213608554,0.0,0.07138287387348284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777254171098944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192320722844673,0.0,0.10273476078727227,0.08472640671943144,0.0,0.0993098811747938,0.1213729207946276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169915233553811,0.0,0.08036773420428908,0.0,0.08065594363575118,0.0,0.0,0.08616382645616194,0.0,0.06507325104842845,0.0,0.0,0.06349644816342441,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sluggyboy,2018/01/02,"I dont think im gonna last to see 2019 Im 16 right now and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder im not sure if its just an episode but this hurts just to type. I wouldve done It already but the only thing keeping me alive is my mom, she thinks im ok now but I dont know how to tell her im not. Im so weak I cant even tell my own fucking mom I want to kill myself. Im seriously thinking about doing this I just want someone to tell me its not worth it please im so sorry.",-2.8927537740760023,-1.259548646017695,0.5775741801145244,102.76080166579906,101.83185840707964,3.7207704320666326,15.496616345653305,5.5289334501034215,-0.9959126496616344,365,10,100,3,17,130,69,113,0.237,0.679,0.083,-0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,0,2,1,7,4,0,1,1,21,17,8,1,3,10,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,13,2,7,14,1,4,0,1,1,1,7,1,1,1,3,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033132824844022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502351072485364,0.0,0.0,0.1072979648728974,0.0,0.0,0.09580695532053778,0.2194466138498813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183589584342278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655125750377576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022339235446892,0.0,0.8090153805252978,0.0,0.0,0.08321479217384234,0.10357794680916643,0.0,0.05145174331583692,0.0763137440901273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929595147735514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120311393439496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276792413692323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995196249750977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460394651530887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932490842406455,0.0,0.0,0.10480122819269848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823683908570314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454870715026096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062197741333351375,0.1799659848552624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044037630663443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sarakerosene,2018/01/02,"I have to go through all of my things. I'm going to begin the slow process of going through my things and packing everything up. I lost my job, I'm about to lose my apartment and a lot of things I own, and I'm going to lose my three cats. So since I'm supposed to be moving it won't look too suspicious to pack things up in boxes and get rid of things. I'm going to start labeling items that should be given to someone else too. I can only hope they will be distributed as I instruct.",4.400993589743585,3.9197714711538483,5.466153846153849,86.74551282051284,69.86538461538461,8.471794871794872,28.871794871794872,7.793537801064563,1.5598641025641022,379,12,86,4,6,126,61,104,0.077,0.873,0.05,-0.3999,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,4,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,25,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,0,1,2,1,11,1,19,17,4,13,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,2,3,59,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430633464720394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391485452303702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947477553823831,0.0,0.4866468326014597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700969595560077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699462637525603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381284652710885,0.3831858173081754,0.1869473741420196,0.14559667712075913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820192132408004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302487550310965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166565735201908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510559994201666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121666925096568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5688780958287473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordSucc,2018/01/02,I don't know what's missing. I live in a controlling household and I never have any  puropse. At this point I'm just living a cycle all day with nothing to do and noting to fulfill. I want to take my rage out on myself.,0.40638297872340345,2.4442624042553227,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,84.53191489361703,4.611063829787233,22.16595744680852,5.6839178017228535,0.18987148936170195,171,6,37,1,5,58,38,47,0.08199999999999999,0.778,0.139,0.125,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,10,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,8,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282094654810465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763873731010716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164247123788554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844288672057757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926558161589379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25882401910657565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32200308090623825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31723651499111605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523183303810559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979368645585111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxiousely,2018/01/02,i wanna die went to the hospital & asked fr help but they said they were fully booked so i have to hang on till the 15th but i cant im on the edge right now,0.1488596491228087,0.8955073947368426,2.3921052631578945,100.47307017543864,80.3157894736842,6.119298245614036,15.298245614035089,6.42735559955562,-0.9184491228070176,123,1,35,1,3,42,29,38,0.069,0.878,0.052000000000000005,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,6,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028298264820637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475695938572969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858550276597532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492002265965594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40159253006875856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175030950090416,0.35365349316232264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34464921912425434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HowIFeel7,2018/01/02,goodbye I just realized again that things don't get better and this all some bullshit thing we're experiencing and nothing would change if the human race was wiped out ,15.189032258064515,9.609260806451617,12.487096774193555,60.75064516129034,53.83870967741936,14.980645161290324,47.1290322580645,11.20814326018867,5.116909677419354,139,5,24,2,1,42,30,31,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.7356,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818313865795807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567146325461356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255618655388379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142579737588589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5736463882135178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306689637781248,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZTB,2018/01/02,"I think I'm just done I've been trying to get better. I'm just tired. I don't want to try anymore. This is the first time in my life I've felt like I am actually ready to kill myself. I just thought I'd put that out there to all you strangers, since I have no one else to tell.

I have much more I could probably say but I'll just leave it at that. The main point is just that I feel like I'm finally done with life. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it now.",0.139166666666668,1.1697634722222254,2.2011111111111106,100.655,80.94444444444444,5.911111111111111,17.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,-0.6383222222222225,357,6,100,3,9,120,68,108,0.113,0.8,0.087,-0.1416,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,2,8,5,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,0,2,17,23,1,1,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,5,3,11,4,11,17,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.17914221524665955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205655998974787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623567128948372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465692877189251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757208652442463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335292544778895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282077480302783,0.1311456479033465,0.1762602927669289,0.2010968739479768,0.0,0.15614836213729458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959100910256899,0.0,0.10432960961656224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309796749704334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437887227635195,0.0,0.0,0.25932817369430183,0.1793704401541718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494836794043874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439482116474225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353722370358018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979243422872656,0.0,0.0,0.18454305982702016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459857976543596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185471000192316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301677846238245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045219021007867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117627116803313,0.0,0.14573763466472026,0.1070437577679878,0.21099186422531604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492700487029581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827698679339458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VaultDestroyer,2018/01/02,"I cannot believe how numb I have become. Not much to say , but I miss the emotion i use to have. I am only 21 but depression sure has drained me mentally. I really hope this life improves soon because Im tired :(",1.518409090909092,3.2916185681818213,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,79.22727272727272,7.127272727272729,26.90909090909091,8.07648339933343,1.7457909090909092,163,7,35,3,4,56,34,44,0.307,0.48,0.213,-0.7538,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,1,7,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,2,8,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649804249430764,0.2989020534850622,0.0,0.3049200672748593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331029557721453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044350360345969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688078781835085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923390471038667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116195454268792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727427756552982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989524964476076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583490479395836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733797474350216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152248251127364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550762230604101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110623622827996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337471882498845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corpsegrindd,2018/01/02,"fuck this i go to school and absolutley hate it, all i do is think about different ways of killing myself. the only time im somewhat content is when im having a drink. i dont see a point in prolonging suffering when i could just end it all know. the only thing stopping me for the past couple of years is hurting my family. i wish i could just die and not have a funeral ",1.0169230769230744,3.1009703717948764,3.3407051282051263,88.47721153846153,82.46153846153847,6.976923076923077,22.570512820512814,8.07648339933343,1.2653282051282049,291,10,63,6,8,100,55,78,0.27,0.6729999999999999,0.057,-0.9589,1,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,6,0,9,2,0,0,2,14,16,4,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,9,0,6,14,3,11,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,7,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941173622427137,0.2037998959404203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115748034844116,0.19243666955714064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158663046204087,0.1804335675483076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631353996151799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363552351271028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027831771758825,0.0,0.0,0.10467796515147172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818469617739525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971764609581123,0.0,0.3979080777581209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037761096023046,0.0,0.10122459855740024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801656915608331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582775003279125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411666277760854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864075197257674,0.14677354060587208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398894485132547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236594898248306,0.11801987258323468,0.0,0.0,0.10740117581673764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619941441526213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118064628316618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186106707226278
suicidewatch,Scottoboy764,2018/01/02,"I am getting depressed more everyday from school. Well, mainly school and my parents, I'm so afraid of getting a D on report cards ( im in the 8th grade btw) and I just can't enjoy alot of things anymore, my German has been delayed, I can't learn shit in school although I try so hard and I just want to run away from it all. I want to become a politician when I grow up, but theres a conscience I know of deeply saying, that I won't get there. Please help.",1.1479610538373421,2.912409752577325,2.481374570446736,96.46875143184424,80.34020618556701,4.7234822451317315,21.087056128293238,5.033348758259628,-0.2669761741122563,354,10,81,1,9,114,67,97,0.107,0.785,0.108,0.0186,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,5,0,6,1,1,0,1,13,13,8,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,2,11,2,12,11,4,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,1,3,53,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658643490777056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862393859288465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189244950710904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073133589075856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310693932712151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757111587558996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286637672876014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411755968406612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893955279935222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201059634735004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759207708221973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763687674673105,0.0,0.6018443775555067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034756309908324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316922166153209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458210516160574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23383707587870345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822853376962436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hamzanation,2018/01/02,"There’s no good that comes from living People say that life sucks, that’s not just the problem, nobody is doing anything about it, and I can’t do anything about it either. I’m so sick and tired of taking this shit, it’s ridiculous. My mother is a fucking cunt, she doesn’t know how to raise a child, and she’s never seen me as a person to begin with and that only furthers the problem, she needs to acknowledge that she is a cunt and needs to stop what she is doing and take on an actual motherly approach. Your children are starving, cook something, not this animal feed you call food, real food. God European white people have it so much better. I’ll tell you right now Arabic culture has some of the worst food you’ll ever see, it’s all sour, or dry, or painfully sweet, that culture shouldn’t have existed to begin with, more importantly I shouldn’t have been born into it. Sometimes I wish they would just hurry up and kill each other so I don’t have to see them. My father is lazy, and his time with us is almost up, he refuses to do anything productive, and suddenly I’m pressured to go to school and work more hours and pay monthly fees, I’m still a kid, I can’t handle this, nobody will hire me, I don’t want to work the shit jobs, they’re humiliating and not for people pursuing an education, but America doesn’t care, all the good jobs are taken mostly by people who have connections and don’t respect the position they’re in. I have no one, no friends, no assets, nothing, I’m all alone in this world, and that’s not going to change. So it’s about time I killed myself and stopped the problem already, don’t tell me to think of my family, I hope those fucks suffer for what they do, they don’t deserve to cry for me, they were the problem and they refuse to acknowledge it. I always dream of a girlfriend who would talk to me and care about me and take me away to a happy place, but all women are cunts, just look at my mom. Just look at every girl I’ve asked out, they’re all terrible people who shouldn’t have existed with me. If these people aren’t going to get out of my life to make room for the better people and things, then I have to get out of theirs before I hurt someone.",7.4101054650047935,5.526197782997767,7.494426334292103,79.24342281879197,64.4586129753915,10.303994886545222,31.352828379674012,8.704169506293173,2.236521764141899,1727,45,358,20,21,560,212,447,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.126,-0.9625,3,1,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,4,7,4,17,32,11,1,18,0,42,14,2,2,7,78,77,31,2,15,14,4,0,0,2,7,5,1,1,6,28,29,5,4,4,2,2,5,22,21,0,1,4,9,44,11,52,66,13,37,0,2,6,2,44,17,8,7,15,244,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0783941105968257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044260424392859,0.08320149396656619,0.08865024425012309,0.0,0.06684408034050615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832339008521488,0.0,0.07510117259772205,0.0,0.07547616296048545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835806853356352,0.0,0.0,0.14209727270917266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820296975742905,0.0,0.16381113825295335,0.0,0.0849824110486683,0.06920037609066243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824280590630658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266643795292604,0.06768461363830787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573147025556687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914195152680725,0.0,0.06206562341795251,0.14853443687695098,0.08394209341295678,0.0,0.13696649240732675,0.1347602054957084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551672581853316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978949811507657,0.07911252025110498,0.0,0.08599889576774396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943761871750975,0.0,0.17775469064096686,0.0,0.04414930493310203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348414722611293,0.0,0.0,0.07093613582407235,0.0,0.13492016408582852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362337379947914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408586773179793,0.06412159918732427,0.0,0.05905451859360745,0.11913285295020093,0.061958307919322185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708235930585726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443619950012313,0.06109740480471563,0.08548072911291235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898529465215925,0.07014429508970725,0.08393162655785788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074740364795689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143734683404156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860454757839103,0.0,0.06388458885095252,0.0,0.08130200116851423,0.1280311286518992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492279338828025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806648997890137,0.06184481306218353,0.07945209120330086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415460287002883,0.13432515375623155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120285197721306,0.0645691913928614,0.14043040304612256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337014591361992,0.051474596265140254,0.0,0.0,0.09368646216202166,0.09233177962176778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663155932965674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047382902271722864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237979945214757,0.0,0.0,0.11696779218704002,0.0,0.0,0.11413352235724745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lumifly,2018/01/02,"It's not a new question: what's the point? I am so tired of the way I feel.

Psychologist; meds; gym; 'getting out there' some.

It's not that there aren't moments of feeling good. It's that it is just moments. That I clearly don't fucking matter. And let's be clear: it's about mattering to the person or people I want to matter to. Treated less than strangers online.

I hate feeling jealous or envy for things I've no right to. I hate that it's random and that it causes a sharp decline in my mental state. I hate that it doesn't matter to her.

I hate that you spent so much time talking to me and then have it so easy to toss me aside.

I'm supportive of people. I enjoy them. They didn't have to do anything to earn my care or concern. Why do I have to change? Why do I not deserve it? Why is it this person or that person that makes just a token effort and not even you?

Every day I have to convince myself I am supposed to live. Or I drown the day in something that can occupy myself just enough: a game; reading reddit and the same threads over and over and over; streamers.

I love my dog and even though he would be able to thrive through his own issues much better with somebody else, I can't let him go. And that's it. If he dies, I die. Because I have nothing else.

I don't have family.

I don't have friends.

I reached out for you. Why won't you be there for me? Why am I not worth the effort??",0.8496795541623143,2.7310736498316537,2.4687843956809448,95.60363636363635,81.86195286195286,4.7699523975386064,20.679089748055265,5.501188778358388,-0.19159760826657327,1082,31,246,5,29,354,144,297,0.154,0.743,0.103,-0.9116,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,4,2,4,13,15,6,0,10,0,30,3,0,2,2,43,47,20,3,3,14,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,26,12,0,0,4,3,2,1,14,6,0,0,2,4,39,9,30,38,7,19,0,0,0,2,19,9,1,9,7,176,65,2,0.1033960765049421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508616104689433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302928854972731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914454272755885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541919098405644,0.10621625233066784,0.1093793391117424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336383120339398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461760655380285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274830885025222,0.0,0.0,0.10683578654305834,0.0,0.1365842667597844,0.0,0.08711565389162672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747261891370272,0.0,0.15684048895616634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798835522226609,0.09558800662663894,0.05402018245815135,0.0,0.0587623730412767,0.08672372337872238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083288775711761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791864072713496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145898704962585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913006298577994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933189958980583,0.0,0.06901768395074102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148497320200681,0.0,0.1041989261002492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201602627234725,0.0,0.0,0.09986057499020694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921132401409613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336364133674948,0.2708443974945841,0.0,0.0,0.09774271286258532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582726898928104,0.0,0.10342405695166748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829968438865665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959935116876035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733264231886675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310584972090478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869175887450281,0.0,0.1015861201955513,0.0,0.06029108369925314,0.11883857976512732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098568482258353,0.08207099283841071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664943840739595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344960617075025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmylife5,2018/01/02,"I think tonight is the night, I have nothing and I'll never be anything. Thanks for taking the time to read. **Content Warning ahead** 

I'm feeling probably the lowest I ever have in my life and am considering the end. I came here because I'm kind of hoping someone can stop me.

Life for me right now is extremely mediocre. Until we move at the end of this month, I'm stuck without school and a job. Still living with my parents, mainly treated like a servant around here than a family member. I pay $300 a month in groceries as my rent. My parents are nearing 70 and don't really try to be there for me or help me out anymore, they never have. I posted on raised by narcissists about this.
 
I'm unhappy, honestly all I want... is a mediocre job, average school and a tiny place to call my own. That's it, for now. I don't have extremely grandiose dreams but that's all I want. but I feel like I'll never get there.

I also have lingering guilt over something that happened when I was a kid. Most people tell me to get over it and let it go because it was sort of minor, I'm trying but it's hard.

I got sexually assaulted at like 11-12. The 16 year old girl led me and two other boys into the woods, she told us to fight each other and the winner would get to fondle her chest. I refused, she responded by going up to me and making me grab them. I never told my family about this, they wouldn't have cared. But I didn't like it and I hated breasts until last year.

But also when I was 13 my cousin and I got a little too close. She would sit on my lap all the time in a weird way, stick her private parts into my face and we cuddled all the time. In a moment of weakness, I don't know why I thought it was okay but I placed her hand on my privates for a few moments. I never did this again.

Later on she was staring at my parts while I slept, and even later forced herself into my pants even after I stopped her, eventually forcing me to get up.

I'm trying to move past this. I'm trying to be a normal adult but I'm stuck with this family who uses me, I have nothing and I'm so alone.

It would be so easy to go in that cabinet and grab one and end it all, or take a pill. I want to so bad.

I want a life more than that, but I don't think someone like me can ever have one...",1.0213871635610765,2.7707722981366487,3.083370600414081,92.07358592132508,80.67701863354037,5.784016563146997,21.08530020703934,6.742157984588678,0.3159280331262941,1752,50,394,18,45,593,219,483,0.121,0.7859999999999999,0.093,-0.9268,6,1,1,0,1,0,60.0,3,0,3,3,23,19,3,1,24,1,35,11,5,3,12,75,78,37,0,10,11,3,6,5,0,4,5,0,1,4,23,28,0,3,6,2,2,7,12,7,0,3,16,7,67,12,57,53,13,76,0,0,1,2,31,27,0,5,44,274,90,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054777853579488,0.0,0.12438761788678625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712839109987832,0.0,0.0,0.06399928551551876,0.06923308844073378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493592108453207,0.09481752106575386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941335664269769,0.0889498323723625,0.07929318727736732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066472908961327,0.0,0.0,0.10273463249175796,0.14069747722485348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994803471149585,0.0,0.07864717450010934,0.05555994699178022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625295130583794,0.0,0.13259793990818527,0.0,0.12440188319916208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877304576397568,0.0,0.06966795282553319,0.07678321626682102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052128570687837,0.0,0.0,0.0772446084470309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435234862360844,0.0,0.0,0.08098700841961916,0.04274116084609945,0.06339412040719394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952658764068986,0.16479684779035952,0.18997603630359905,0.07794743481652203,0.06867362454859842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191305385547814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415287573506915,0.16531750941724174,0.0,0.0,0.2999107243641311,0.0,0.0,0.07298324738943843,0.07619951894295701,0.14924762790629012,0.0,0.08160806533139144,0.0,0.10539990888692996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727120067278725,0.1684378261115732,0.07424165916645062,0.05391693843960277,0.0,0.16250924702981956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448356123701795,0.0,0.08385078835378443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779250666127728,0.0,0.049822389112124624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641640241596138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574177402937009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131791012376114,0.05987226993931322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210838889627957,0.1300408468733902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169489191863153,0.0,0.06797568447987762,0.07160151199479006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966562335647654,0.0,0.0617418525595821,0.136047492291323,0.0,0.0,0.14862792685116089,0.0,0.21120686677733694,0.0,0.07597141637053849,0.0,0.09354949135386234,0.06716957164339718,0.0,0.0,0.18348648980267626,0.06173136546039128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017664661420314,0.0,0.0,0.07496891273690805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657398427130882,0.0,0.0,0.1001645415772104
suicidewatch,islandofdrmoreau,2018/01/02,"i’d be dead by now if i had access to a gun does anyone else think that if they had access to a gun they would have done it by now? if my parents had one or if it was possible for me to get one at 16 in canada (stricter gun laws than usa) i’d be dead already.

the reason i haven’t tried is because i don’t want to try something that could leave me mentally/physically disabled beyond any hope of getting back to normal (eating through a tube, peeing through another tube type situation) but at the same time, i don’t want to waste my parents money on university if i’m just gonna fucking die a couple years later.

ideally, i would just fall asleep and never wake up or i would be in some sort of accident that kills me but i know the chances of that happening are slim to none.

 i guess i’m just trying to see if anyone else feels the same way?? if anyone else believes their biggest obstacle is accessibility??",5.129197860962567,5.003437106951871,6.247486631016043,80.55005347593584,68.3048128342246,9.15294117647059,30.368983957219246,8.841846274778883,2.216597860962567,717,25,150,11,11,241,112,187,0.177,0.769,0.054000000000000006,-0.9778,2,0,1,3,0,2,16.0,0,0,3,1,7,4,2,0,8,0,19,5,3,1,1,35,34,12,4,16,14,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,4,0,1,1,5,2,0,2,5,2,16,2,24,21,4,17,0,0,1,1,5,8,1,13,7,98,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816593008524136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514313833378541,0.1312875033377092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626370291046785,0.38485944636452746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627428885347633,0.0,0.07632330826540618,0.0,0.0,0.1410622399533596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099965352707789,0.13853604781537865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994217546392106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956702487059122,0.12812734986419366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811513715882358,0.3137760888329693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330699723115897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574925029472215,0.13082803671674353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792652396311456,0.0,0.1107176461311353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435600500997898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385198786939012,0.0,0.06880894497581158,0.0,0.0,0.13257315245545012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656518504368407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267351663677932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696831903366091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780488581110853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411489048199148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873075354582494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977152414911863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073474830099011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638829751642343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022578537594406,0.0,0.0,0.07300756636659532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25501626629172885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769734292078035,0.09938125322661703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668243793987948,0.0,0.0,0.08062738930665526
suicidewatch,OnstageDepredation,2018/01/02,It ripped The bathrobe belt I was hanging from ripped enough that I could breathe again. I’m alive. I don’t want to die anymore but I don’t know if I want to live. I just feel like I’m in limbo,-0.8661363636363646,1.0155846590909121,0.4465454545454541,107.5348181818182,88.77272727272728,3.5200000000000005,17.89090909090909,3.1291,-1.2715945454545454,151,4,41,0,5,47,31,44,0.063,0.742,0.196,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,8,10,2,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,4,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36847729265471213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966520642158701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856097491373073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839099830556345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878666047708386,0.2654350564769242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419390329425868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152033130257775,0.0,0.3280850396280813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382990753278741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,questions_answer_,2018/01/02,"I've never done this before, but I badly need help anonymously. Please. Hi all.

This is a first for me -- I've had moments in my life where i've felt close to the edge but things have been really hard recently.  I'm in trouble and I'm afraid to call a suicide hotline in case they try to stage an intervention or some such thing.  

I'll cut to the chase here.  

Three years ago I suffered a workplace accident and broke my L3-l4 vertebrae, in addition to my hip.  I sustained mid back complications as well that have caused heavy spasms and contusions. I've been fighting workers' comp for all three of these years to get treatment.  I got my spine fused two years ago and my hip a little less than a year ago -- while things are better, to the extent that I can walk and such, I live in constant pain and discomfort.  I still need to ice my lower and middle back constantly.  I recently successfully applied and got invited to my dream job in the Peace Corps, but when I got to medical clearance they told me I couldn't handle the job.  This has left me devastated.  I thought I could beat this thing through sheer force of will, but my plans have crumbled to nothing and I don't know what to do.  

Moreover, I was molested at a Christian summer camp when I was 11 years old and i have never been able to move past it.  It has completely impaired my ability to form emotional attachments and even to perform sexually -- not necessarily all the time, but enough that i have blown every chance I've had at romantic normality or happiness.  I fear it's messed me up beyond repair.

I am now 25 and tottering under the weight of these burdens.  While in the past i've had an active and enjoyable social life and great/varied friends, a mixture of chronic pain and my own personality defects led to me having a very lonely and depressing New Year's -- a massive contrast from only a year ago, when I had a pretty damn good time.

The holiday isn't the cause, of course -- it's more just the catalyst to underlying issues I can't seem to beat.  

I am lonely.  I am in pain.  I want desperately to live a normal life but I no longer believe it is possible.  

Is there anyone out there who has beaten something like this?  What the hell do I do?  Where do I turn?  How do I overcome this?  Is it even worth it?  I just want it all to stop.

I would appreciate any advice.  I really would.  I need 2018 to be different, and I fear it will not be.",3.8528968253968254,5.27091187605042,4.96120448179272,83.04343604108311,72.04621848739495,8.482166199813259,27.297852474323054,8.998388855275968,2.081869000933706,1887,67,382,38,36,621,244,476,0.208,0.652,0.14,-0.9927,4,4,1,0,2,1,56.0,0,0,2,9,21,31,6,4,26,0,44,12,3,4,6,59,61,32,1,11,12,0,3,1,1,4,8,0,0,1,27,20,1,1,4,2,1,3,9,23,1,4,16,3,50,8,47,37,11,62,2,5,0,0,11,22,2,4,37,260,77,6,0.07945129171215295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763888272642121,0.2817151051447859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402960286514781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555419049968345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218627818217966,0.06633850989697583,0.0,0.0,0.06760719738289922,0.08951439837781884,0.0,0.07026821097866298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112865202505865,0.0,0.0,0.16323672490787733,0.0,0.0,0.08330316773611025,0.17171724150470588,0.0,0.06343539142170752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843128113055914,0.0,0.0,0.08300968949376887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130625632082518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937200932466609,0.0,0.08209442300766716,0.0,0.10495365770579752,0.0,0.06694113997360197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880958390020812,0.0,0.0,0.07628569967002155,0.0,0.0,0.06758122814264611,0.0,0.0,0.06138387088935885,0.0,0.041510020688465515,0.0,0.0,0.06663997394715059,0.1906333679875031,0.08759532960034816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457737741835301,0.07117275154998262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325452607330484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292650645385752,0.15768629497776987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04366435209421556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632406091659625,0.0,0.1683563909704102,0.038815887890798095,0.07963106689883317,0.14031389239394593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800388177001721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444414933563972,0.0,0.1767363782426988,0.12255546837036115,0.0767345526279329,0.0,0.0,0.15569079354281332,0.07623565721099787,0.0,0.08337076550607571,0.0,0.0,0.06042628755941494,0.2536253283429132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169049608059415,0.0,0.06937380334386915,0.0,0.08721365952482805,0.0,0.08956939362950879,0.0,0.08083052692622593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179706387480364,0.0,0.15689713098100005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232947199291463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809905863634441,0.0,0.06116548599892953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344990419274278,0.06642483746470197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690681766663573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113563133309526,0.0,0.0,0.06307545082404484,0.0926573742554386,0.0,0.0,0.07591911404126797,0.0,0.05394221175279178,0.0864201903700753,0.07761236727855919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655556364749217,0.0937248607276293,0.0,0.0,0.09675026900279443,0.07143625296577259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287983612678175,0.0,0.0,0.3581481886479343
suicidewatch,dahdoc,2018/01/02,"Maybe This is My Year I think it is. I think this is the year I kill myself. Attempted once a little over a year ago, and damn if I didn't fuck that up. Was a shame too, now I'm in tens of thousands of dollars in debt. 

I can feel it. I mean throughout *every* day there is this vague, physical feeling, and I'm probably ten feet from the edge of this hypothetical, metaphorical cliff. I want to be closer, I want to pass that finish line and die. Drop dead. I just fucking hate everything about this pathetic life of mine. 

I don't even need to type it out. My life sucks. No details needed. I'm the model image of the pathetic life story. Broke. Unemployed. Severely mentally fucked up. I mean, *really*? Do you really need the details on my pathetic parasitic shit stain of a life? Didn't think so.

Here's to hoping I get the fucking balls to off myself and finally get to sleep that cozy little dirt nap. ",0.4575138121546978,2.9172810939226537,2.5540419889502783,89.64662099447514,91.65193370165748,6.4319116022099445,19.39469613259668,7.699297019823105,1.0028760662983434,702,22,145,16,25,235,107,181,0.304,0.648,0.048,-0.9951,3,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,1,8,12,9,1,10,0,11,11,3,0,0,20,35,6,3,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,7,2,2,1,4,11,0,3,3,2,19,1,22,31,0,21,0,1,0,4,1,11,7,2,8,89,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061877562464999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047920457107582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951228310212642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242259574102083,0.0,0.10514092865545756,0.0,0.1121531751009265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619511284115584,0.0,0.0,0.1367013082670411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614652515861948,0.1303952136283789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232042562582446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394459357634535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806160840871762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525713743684,0.0,0.2501446592295813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253682939413059,0.2718657132087631,0.0,0.0,0.1257589349981865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775905361481355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289724127993466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345446898173181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988729553181338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097714173400253,0.1280951070058398,0.0,0.0,0.1248800880031773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23988111459434325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472087105013806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24108194046439274
suicidewatch,WorthlessBubbless,2018/01/02,"My last real attempt was in 2008, let’s see if I can succeed 10 years later. A lot has happened in 10 years. Hospitalizations, medication changes, lifestyle changes. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my deep and utter need to kill myself.

The only thing that keeps me from slicing my arms open with a scalpel I keep hidden is my family. I’m an only child of two people who absolutely hate each other and would probably off themselves if I did. They want me to make something of myself but that will never happen. To them, I’m the only thing they did with their lives that is worth anything and the problem is that I AM NOT WORTH ANYTHING.

I have no college degree, I work at a dead end job, live with my parents, and I’m basically 30. There’s literally nothing here for me. I love my parents and don’t want them to live miserably. That’s the only thing keeping me here. I almost wish they would just die in a car crash so I could finally end all of this.

I have a feeling this is my last year. This could even be my last day at this point. It’s gone too far. I don’t think it’s enough to live for them anymore. I don’t know what else to say.",1.8356278890600917,3.789476453389834,3.293636363636363,90.55529275808941,78.95762711864407,5.81633281972265,23.01540832049307,6.7829847944221076,0.5760999999999998,897,29,193,9,22,294,132,236,0.138,0.789,0.073,-0.9628,3,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,7,3,7,6,2,1,11,0,24,3,1,1,2,36,44,9,3,11,5,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,19,10,0,3,3,0,2,2,7,4,0,1,4,3,33,2,21,33,4,24,0,1,1,1,13,10,0,4,12,131,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626474336450533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533952079346784,0.0,0.0,0.15822088663232892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050924345496088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351103695411072,0.0,0.0,0.0619987532580524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997723589184379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030797915379664,0.0,0.17029313854775607,0.09933256279824784,0.0,0.06349588323431712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906269832670049,0.0,0.048608455470637316,0.0,0.0,0.10531056720144648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700227149339569,0.0,0.0,0.09491284518537653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539858631346668,0.2563460909801119,0.10635850142607237,0.0,0.05283296766746741,0.2350871698951389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830396625523614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339553845853488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173005315069437,0.08676507488974539,0.0,0.06417047739395387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684532266896287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128246047801226,0.07414479761329598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224357672469294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36557282357048704,0.0,0.0,0.21349181179457452,0.0,0.0,0.06664750813777502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087810814759907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036491733563066,0.0919876646559097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942202592321744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644995594667164,0.0,0.0,0.07660669279782338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400897961736788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554697699304577,0.061599059923886576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939093675814999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340515315047375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054984817944463,0.0,0.0,0.06998700876624117,0.0,0.0,0.1365822792818981,0.0,0.0,0.1857222598245737
suicidewatch,RuminantBearer,2018/01/02,"[24M] Been depressed for 20 years, going to end it soon., I just realised on New Year's Eve, How much I hated myself.
I'm a slow learner and went into college, very innocent and naive from a strict household. I tried to get laid but couldn't. College is easy for sex but I was struggling. I hate being a virgin. Now that college is done, I regret it and my wasted youth.

I'm slowly losing my sanity and I've had enough of being clueless. I don't know where to start I'm not getting any younger. I went from optimistic to very depressed, self hating, isolated.

Been going through abuse from my parents since 2, been depressed and numb for 20 years and bullying, I never had any friends, I got in an accident and permanently deformed. it got really bad the last 2 years, I had an autoimmune disorder. I don't want therapy, I can't afford it.

I'm in 40k debt with a shit grade. I've never been allowed to have fun or play anything, I can't live my own life. It's all wasted. I'm going to end it soon.

",1.5240731707317074,3.5700192975609752,3.4884756097560974,88.30832317073174,80.41463414634147,6.246341463414635,23.90853658536585,7.365786028017652,1.0964097560975603,776,28,160,11,20,262,119,205,0.378,0.5720000000000001,0.05,-0.998,4,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,6,15,4,1,7,0,19,5,1,2,3,23,39,11,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,1,1,1,5,8,12,0,0,13,0,19,3,19,23,4,27,0,5,0,2,3,5,1,1,17,94,26,4,0.0,0.15032549200913006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255797112422674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440687265793673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105934877069129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278303672560753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540912650518892,0.0,0.0,0.12983662553883135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247462317941915,0.13109523597808082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980228954010309,0.0,0.13257334075181149,0.0,0.21631704346670674,0.0,0.20294619655453744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757867959835059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972688682015084,0.10341962106765804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961518535237031,0.0,0.0,0.11203247529171036,0.0,0.0,0.1419400708849723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326732868013107,0.0,0.1957068148821291,0.12253614698640153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087907659970014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127902981483158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235773521869693,0.0,0.13023481305167348,0.1049518668919836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980239794253587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263673614440047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509200567875113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861394321298951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093694387149906,0.07483384549126923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522779663476684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268119777604879
suicidewatch,Horseitin2017,2018/01/02,"Can’t take anymore of this nightmare The thought of ending things just won’t leave my head any more, things have progressively spiralled out of control in the last 4 years making my mental health worse 10 fold, I’ve had counselling, increased medication and all to no avail. Starring at the dog lead wanting to tie it from the door handle over the top creating a noose. I have little enjoyment in life and seriously can’t see it changing only for the worse, sick of drinking myself to death instead I want out now. Wish it was different, I’m broken.",7.25416666666667,7.48160428846154,6.82769230769231,76.98397435897436,63.80769230769231,9.241025641025642,34.641025641025635,8.841846274778883,2.9003448717948714,442,18,79,6,6,138,79,104,0.18600000000000005,0.698,0.116,-0.8479,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,7,0,7,6,1,3,1,13,15,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,6,4,1,1,1,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,1,5,1,15,11,3,14,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,4,48,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332013820340942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425487855167092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072092570748773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968991589180545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046471707443078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188244730611914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348667515561772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102375465934244,0.20820544214113976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966386676784827,0.0,0.20740282156918613,0.0,0.0,0.13835195745995102,0.0,0.19631771475810889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074775485571058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732295942739533,0.1973954335487001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897138952127376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608662264962764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727325287952686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602606386021635,0.0,0.0,0.15550247968981318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23106371910659185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252460171110386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992257146724339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613676093715054
suicidewatch,throwaway9035154,2018/01/02,"Finding it hard to go on Was with my SO for about 5 years. At one point, we really loved each other. I knew things weren't perfect the last year or 2, but I just didn't know how much she wanted to end it. We renewed our lease after the breakup and I hoped more than anything we'd be able to work on things. She apparently does not. It's been a year still living together post breakup and it's so hard.  Sometimes things seem good, but it's always just me being hopeful and misinterpreting everything. I find it hard to focus on much else besides her. I've never opened myself up to another person like her. I really thought of us almost like soulmates.

I'm too self loathing to be happy in general. I hate everything about who I am as a person. Life always just feels so daunting. The good times always end. ",2.4611111111111086,4.543492518518518,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000004,77.51851851851852,6.542222222222222,23.14567901234568,7.554174236665415,1.0031056790123456,636,20,129,9,15,207,108,162,0.094,0.738,0.16899999999999998,0.9451,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,0,2,11,10,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,1,2,30,21,11,0,3,7,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,11,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,6,4,19,9,20,11,4,20,0,0,0,1,14,8,0,5,12,85,30,1,0.12298152191819332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314822955703528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30699143424075004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895684868765672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120331383389973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762195858846237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273528091843342,0.0,0.2178502511398125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210557240115231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218315266311865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480576607021016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989323301639404,0.20630213153238744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309161169140246,0.3305018628180512,0.12141879195109162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442968007430639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758742820158697,0.10024635448840404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686548592651099,0.12016511914522192,0.0,0.10859493697969408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109956250503596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081113809029045,0.0,0.0948509312736484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833354620385714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147654426410656,0.0,0.0,0.1162572893535197,0.0,0.11778230276506105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757022412527932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195775869138402,0.12829654863399198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163186980646608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982132022655773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451103756114033,0.0,0.0,0.09763359123374277,0.07171151442169976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793162855217976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253768796871217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895320126593016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758820402320915
suicidewatch,dogz4president,2018/01/02,"Has anyone overcome crippling social anxiety to get help? I need help, but I can't talk to anyone without completely shutting down. I was just wondering if anyone else has felt this way... Did you ever get better?",3.855,6.6439575128205135,4.853525641025644,77.63105769230769,76.43589743589743,6.976923076923077,27.698717948717945,8.07648339933343,2.391610256410256,169,7,26,3,4,55,31,39,0.034,0.77,0.196,0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,10,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,4,1,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924924946078594,0.0,0.0,0.4915125153670379,0.2400819554275421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072313226527958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456733335129845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573893192704234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119500503049432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249777847185105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448383521028503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141109108006138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374055263396698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388531898103741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883323821752764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859872155889878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586993227320964,0.2541030853462705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pulacalului,2018/01/02,"I don't have the will to live anymore. My girlfriend just broke up with me because she is very confused about her feelings and she thinks she is a horrible person that will only hurt me. I am 20 (almost 21) and this was my first relationship and the only person that I truly connected with and felt something special. A few days ago she was telling me how she is afraid of losing me because she is horrible and I assured her that I will never leave her. Now I am just convinced that I will never find another person and I will die alone because nobody likes me (average looking, depressed, not motivated). She feels like a slut and tells me that she will install tinder and fuck some random guys and doesn't want anything more because she doesn't deserve it. This just makes me die inside even more. Before starting the relationship I was very energetic and motivated and social. Now I just don't find pleasure in anything and don't want to talk to anyone. I feel very dull and dead inside and I can't describe this feeling of emptiness. I have constant thoughts of suicide and I hope that eventually I will find the courage to do it.",7.227920489296636,7.006983366972481,7.138119266055046,76.24262232415904,63.954128440366965,9.285015290519876,36.056574923547394,8.59863814320734,2.9991639143730877,906,39,164,11,12,289,109,218,0.233,0.643,0.124,-0.983,0,1,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,4,9,17,1,2,7,0,25,2,0,4,3,46,39,16,4,3,5,0,5,2,1,7,0,0,0,4,11,17,0,0,12,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,5,6,36,8,12,27,4,11,0,5,1,2,23,2,1,5,11,122,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126394770419983,0.0,0.11439156014732718,0.11831477599312401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978714729497394,0.0,0.0,0.11329211657447368,0.07987696135239655,0.0,0.18801415177759664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27855054401364143,0.0,0.09720702333928267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344929644227012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367322515496164,0.0,0.09839190795502277,0.0,0.2371193314886547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754522672813171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310460450336924,0.0816107259817361,0.10968515299161027,0.0,0.313230840630676,0.09716968422982236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560999441562408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311229974954312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346282555794696,0.0,0.0,0.12229275705680667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209601777534811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116205689984774,0.0,0.10087310479323257,0.0,0.09593006224855137,0.12780165400664048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625388868173913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621278111504435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376432606212452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992412575212613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452949418719733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644993615553845,0.0,0.08794499779930884,0.0,0.0,0.0808573288660638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495641559311695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181913751180247,0.1996958334149949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319826887836729,0.0,0.09069118463324433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28277174020755,0.13475953858318307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadSpinnered,2018/01/02,"One weak moment and it's over It's really scary, only one weak and lonely moment is enough and I could commit suicide...

Right now I'm pretty lonely and I know that there is not a lot between me and committing suicide... 

It became so easy to me. I mean for sure being up there would be different but I wouldn't take anything with me, so I couldn't be contacted or stopped. Nobody knows where I'd do it and only thing stopping me was last time that I reached out for help, nobody was there because it was late and I felt so terrible how it would be for them to wake up reading my messages for help and as soon as they'd know I killed myself that mogjt and that they weren't there. But without reaching out I wouldn't be stopped... It's kinda scary but feels good too",2.1883634719710656,4.017729120253165,3.150669077757687,92.57493670886076,77.41772151898734,5.780108499095843,22.045207956600365,6.5431188927421005,0.350009403254973,603,17,129,5,14,192,86,158,0.188,0.687,0.125,-0.916,1,4,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,3,0,12,8,1,0,1,0,19,3,1,1,3,39,27,19,3,6,6,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,12,12,0,3,6,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,2,18,2,16,10,2,17,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,3,10,95,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194569930903238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774143588475023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801799783636258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752059082233356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656735054586044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107243975075422,0.0,0.1539510093092975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344851170519024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149442968927878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739183677733722,0.0,0.2643550929526051,0.13069804579583835,0.1808698749487623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363148601561344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465665791793747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730031160772945,0.24389074227083504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631228560152408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038283255421418,0.0,0.10271755254286324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369290077502375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40215286017422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507706517344937,0.0,0.15111802694523008,0.0,0.12055530621300567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652240093977687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349521829305428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545615007703571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780107906928296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway72529302615,2018/01/02,"I’m so tired. (Child abuse TW) 24/F. 

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. From ages 8 to 12, I was molested by my (at the time) brother-in-law. At the time, I knew it was wrong, but I was terrified of him and my family. It finally ended when I told a friend from the internet that I was being hurt by someone close. When the friend messaged my sister, she confronted me about it and I told her that he had only asked to kiss me, because I didn’t want him to hurt me. My mother and sister confronted him and he went along with the lie. We weren’t left alone together after that. 

Around 18, my sister found out the entire truth but didn’t want me to tell anyone because she doesn’t want to stop receiving child support for my niece. The longer I keep quiet, the more I want to end it. I’ve wanted to die since I was 10, and I think I’ve finally gotten the courage to do it. 

I’m telling my mom this Friday. Antidepressants and anxiety medication hasn’t helped. Seeing a therapist hasn’t helped. I want my mom to know so that she can watch out for my niece when I’m gone. I’m so fucking tired. ",1.4827272727272742,3.247074242424248,3.2584415584415574,91.29337662337663,79.30303030303031,6.824242424242425,20.95670995670996,7.793537801064563,0.6962346320346318,854,23,193,14,21,285,121,231,0.18,0.698,0.122,-0.9483,1,1,0,0,1,0,33.0,1,0,0,0,9,13,4,0,12,0,16,5,0,0,1,30,41,14,1,6,2,6,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,10,13,0,2,5,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,17,3,34,6,26,23,2,24,0,2,2,2,29,7,1,1,14,114,44,0,0.0,0.13714502971685644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988227283046562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854856702090587,0.0,0.0,0.08093521365643352,0.0,0.0,0.1030421961750245,0.10821078846091274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112046460054434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013040701083927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050405970817902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911896344888257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535973176858347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691409236250595,0.17885659608405224,0.10700917157543867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516980473109748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478259125897508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288407390218103,0.0,0.0,0.06361326902846713,0.0,0.1305712390756583,0.0,0.12576290377258778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840665948408313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166061237344224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711304118997421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803322395840159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049663940295587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223790321605976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574974085477436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807474761861636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677232921484397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313519268409988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023415096179951,0.0,0.0,0.13439487457049246,0.0,0.14833607665206905,0.0,0.0,0.13498971571281876,0.2660755971518288,0.0,0.22120850507477652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096347130440165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730157183768416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655464554997325,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway225281929,2018/01/02,Want seriously end it all. I’ve just had enough of life. I feel numb. I’ve got no real friends and I’m lonely and I’m just a failure to everybody in my life. I think it would be better for me to hang myself nobody would really care anyways.,-0.6872527472527459,1.4742157692307707,2.2840659340659357,91.91807692307695,93.23076923076924,5.279120879120879,17.043956043956047,6.868970318607317,0.08936483516483529,188,5,42,3,7,66,39,52,0.205,0.611,0.183,-0.079,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,11,11,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,3,5,6,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25917667758077056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987814315762312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25955308194520244,0.302796378429192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817360856217884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226407752418542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343768363290013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139761963813165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33355218305632844,0.1877337165347816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877729893819335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284699348246876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163450369055887,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mikeybarrett2,2018/01/02,Least painful way to kill your self? Just tryna do it fucking quick. Maybe tonight even if I can ,0.576666666666668,3.046924210526317,-0.07789473684210435,106.90140350877192,96.36842105263159,2.533333333333333,22.12280701754386,3.1291,-0.6939614035087716,76,3,17,0,3,21,19,19,0.203,0.6920000000000001,0.104,-0.5096,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26159698988643704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36615542032746223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43818689345918943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397900212040052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214407507959288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41318184624667054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31437771264356223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Midlay,2018/01/02,"Doing it today. Im in peace Decided to book an hotel room for the night since i don't live alone and i don't want to be saved. I'll cut my veins, so hopefully it won't be so painful. Im really looking forward to it, you could even say im excited. I finally get the oportunity to escape the constant pain. I have nothing, everybody just leaves, i've been heart broken twice in 3 months and lost several friends in that time too. My first attempt failed, so i planned this really carefully. I will not spend another year to realize that life, my life in particular, it's doomed to constant despair. Im the problem, im just a black hole swallowing everything and everyone inside, and naturally everyone wants to scape, to je as far away as they can. So here i am, alone in my spiral of self destruction. Even thought i improved in the last time with the meds and therapy, i cry constantly and everything seems so fucking pointless. I was going to publish my first book, but not even that has the power to give me a reason to keep going. I don't know, im just in peace now, i'll finally get some rest.",2.224348200818792,4.348420131221721,4.158629605688429,83.9913423831071,78.45701357466065,8.37241973712562,27.265890971773324,9.107695989026183,2.4804633053221288,863,37,175,23,21,293,130,221,0.109,0.787,0.104,-0.0257,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,7,14,15,3,0,10,0,15,8,2,1,0,27,31,14,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,1,8,7,1,1,6,3,1,3,6,10,0,3,4,3,19,5,24,22,2,28,1,4,2,1,6,11,1,3,16,104,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191338404817356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968597602820716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678623384092889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941790837831305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994629105978479,0.0,0.07375126995051996,0.0,0.10146595279590198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830318699453779,0.0,0.0,0.17653019705797374,0.16603541924784432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237732020891736,0.0,0.15714260726167387,0.0,0.0,0.07136613065841013,0.0853961294970873,0.09652078036674888,0.08861133224145433,0.10499390864775192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946088528889986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174592043173536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5986635913186455,0.0,0.0,0.08210419320875426,0.0,0.0,0.05076505947771387,0.07529524770271298,0.0,0.09780827146695507,0.0,0.0,0.13048969836423824,0.0,0.0,0.08156588557135416,0.0,0.07756894661125932,0.0,0.10083460020523224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260411252846698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373019352134866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668456404219692,0.0,0.0886331180247057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965799599423249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883872224794353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835132675530165,0.09497347129304172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734576672869951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409170803197087,0.09636380752296604,0.10435370559551156,0.0,0.07641080805473326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563506609754393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333279572675584,0.10772533862352364,0.0,0.08755755169226102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896642000119958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948433325236969
suicidewatch,jcgannon26,2018/01/02,"I want to die i want help but im underage and i'm just wondering If i get treatment how much would i cost as i dont want it to effect my familys money, I want to go to a hospital and get help ive tried calling hotlines etc but they dont work for me how much would it cost for me to get help",-0.2530434782608708,0.8850314492753668,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,82.33333333333333,6.339130434782609,21.644927536231886,7.1686216300943375,0.361423188405797,226,7,60,3,6,81,39,69,0.037000000000000005,0.747,0.21600000000000005,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,3,0,16,15,8,1,7,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,8,13,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752619180124824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059869765946813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430470588482492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048172127632631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312796019605214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28784711345485986,0.0,0.10437197537415854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692882189496696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983724656514565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700063344860136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468563565203974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332838219455671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915953800727115,0.13369868036128213,0.0,0.0,0.2609180021069017,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Octothorpe110,2018/01/02,"Someone put me out of my misery I posted here a few days ago, and since then have only gotten worse.  I still consider myself a pretty fortunate person, but I'm still miserable and don't see any way to go from here.

I have a therapist and take meds that only work for a few weeks and give me terrible headaches.  I recently became emotionally estranged from my parents but because I'm still a minor, we all live under the same roof.  Up until my suicide attempt and hospitalization in September, my parents emotionally abused me for years, and have since tried to fix things, but seem to have given up.  They're going through a divorce right now, but my mom can't afford to live anywhere else, so we're all stuck in a toxic environment until I go to college (I'm a junior).

To make matters worse, it's come to my attention that my relationship with my best friend (who I love and trust more than anyone in the world) is incredibly unhealthy and that I should start distancing myself.  I'm terrified of losing him, but I know that I'm a burden on him because I can't stand on my own two feet alone.  I'm always leaning on him for support and have very little to give him besides my overbearing affection.  I know I cause him a great deal of worry as I'm always talking about my problems and how much I hate myself, and I know it's wrong, but nobody else knows me as well as he does.  He's too nice to say no and he tries so painfully hard to make me smile, and he tells me he loves me (as a friend) almost everyday, but I know that he's stressed from basically talking me out of suicide every week, and nobody unprofessional should have to go through that kind of stress.

School is stressful as hell because of the workload and my general anxiety.  I also have trouble getting anything done due to my depression.  On the outside I'm an incredibly successful student, but in reality I'm barely staying afloat in a very competitive environment.

I just don't know what to do anymore.  I've tried so hard to beat this and yet all I feel is exhausted from the weight of my illnesses.  I can't kill myself because I'm on suicide watch, and I feel as though any way out of this pain has been cut off.  I just don't know how much longer I can take this.",7.407209397344228,6.110513435955057,7.890546475995915,74.51825076608786,64.07865168539325,10.877425944841676,35.50817160367722,9.910423181423305,3.2870449438202254,1769,68,347,31,22,588,215,445,0.259,0.617,0.123,-0.9976,3,1,0,0,2,5,41.0,1,0,0,6,19,30,4,4,18,0,23,8,1,6,3,60,64,41,4,3,10,3,5,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,14,23,1,0,11,0,0,6,7,18,1,1,5,8,53,12,59,57,11,48,1,3,2,2,30,20,1,2,17,224,67,6,0.0,0.09036582878079018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760751908471989,0.0,0.07637199379568092,0.07899127633583003,0.0,0.06099197815172747,0.12692318298306296,0.0,0.0,0.10373053741560577,0.0,0.058345276257663815,0.0,0.07563796501229406,0.0533287839501996,0.0,0.0627625657634425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859705418109068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003919855143622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834886942867035,0.0,0.06569865238859096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918694252614406,0.07862958576184129,0.06569004019359716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667431727046499,0.0780492657373442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274252705885027,0.1715838367403625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425959156137162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712739950003236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784987448261773,0.0,0.03984719973691467,0.14632759666314202,0.1733808298337223,0.0,0.0,0.08408640941910779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664338392517425,0.07529946032454421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843799144643537,0.07942201855813354,0.2934066259897702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644118155939943,0.1346931560946952,0.0,0.0,0.08532506344263689,0.0,0.0,0.1376707926404698,0.0,0.10181977596595264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471722980721286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932487174190976,0.0,0.0,0.11213240471334722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601142614748515,0.16231035220256065,0.0,0.1693745264978894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659480656729061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730442437408177,0.07759259325458184,0.0,0.07297875742294525,0.0,0.07667101643161818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530604914979003,0.0818839421135213,0.0,0.06513297438910086,0.0,0.06065185816920907,0.0,0.0771879029424492,0.06077620593564303,0.06943207614849749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618036112210768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462214394003514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539833131967179,0.08129218811914687,0.1827246262750381,0.0,0.2620962978617544,0.0,0.0,0.2502764343134375,0.08654871237730076,0.0,0.0,0.11468900273292587,0.12260363599105965,0.06666212494589216,0.0,0.0,0.08855373212960256,0.05066947410391927,0.0,0.07493351998702003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553441350050961,0.0,0.07450334761849167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585917796098006,0.0,0.12107694181790288,0.12235615354992532,0.09287461749268254,0.06857463795904288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552445487788482,0.07745447344964798,0.15544845444058938,0.0,0.08338774984987189,0.0,0.04911448289825319
suicidewatch,rcherry72,2018/01/02,"Not bad enough I always say to myself that I would never actually kill my self but I would easily swallow handfuls of pills just to force myself to sleep. I do things so irrationally and in the moment. Everything is bad and nobody cares. Well I guess the problem is that people care but I don’t want to tell them my problems because I’ve already said too much. 

I thought yesterday was gonna be good but I ended up swallowing a bunch of pills. Today is bad too because I thought it was going to be calm but now there is just too much going on that I said I didn’t want to do but I didn’t have a choice. I want to end it because at least it would be my choice.",1.4685279468732733,3.3440030359712267,3.181438848920866,91.29741560597677,79.7913669064748,6.003541781959047,21.483674598782514,7.010146845296331,0.4657754288876594,518,15,114,6,13,172,77,139,0.077,0.679,0.244,0.9698,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,1,0,4,0,18,6,2,0,1,22,31,8,1,8,8,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,1,7,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,8,4,19,5,13,16,5,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,7,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.13476763183314355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523989925781823,0.0,0.1149119282172093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459282077281538,0.2525570945609931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816083887191407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463476464408984,0.14269628435340054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411717391613555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697309982173654,0.11583340650043535,0.0,0.0,0.1521349242090361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527894029445507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304172237726945,0.0,0.10651277713473876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957425390502587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26428992835723913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262733256586943,0.10982425445650164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407050630197715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382017369316959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070723624400766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174883317904647,0.0,0.0,0.2192751258064443,0.0,0.0,0.1309045494062615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436841543042906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417028456845727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943110981888773,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sitsonthrowaway,2018/01/02,"The Trouble I never dreamt it could have lasted this long. It feels like every moment the feelings abate are really only a brief reprieve, the returning torment tears into my psyche with even less remourse. The corruption grows ever inside me, sometimes sleeping only to awake at times it needs to destroy.

The point of trauma feels so far away in time, nearly four years. When the episodes occur, it only feels as it happened just seconds prior. I have no physical ailments, only desolation of the mind. I haven't found an environment for healing, and I don't think I ever will. Isolation is sporadically maddening, not knowing if I'm truly losing my sanity or just feeling the pangs of past wrongdoings. Social circumstances are not helpful to the source of pain, when the episodes occur, all others can sense the turmoil and recoil at the possibility of backlash from this force.

It is a malevolent manifestation of my reality. All manner of action: speech, observation, hearing, all the surroundings are contorted to keep me bound to its dark will. None can even attempt to wrest control of the power it wields, its strength is insurmountable. I'm but a prisoner to its will, the slightest misstep in my path through life it sees an opportunity to grow and infest more within the spirit.

I feel as undeserving to face a plight so dire. It only exists when it feels the possibility to arise. I feel as though an instrument or vessel of its ill conceit. I look into a mirror to see a fair face staring back, crystal blue eyes, a symmetry  throughout; many smiles from others abound me in my days, and I feel yet obligated to receive this blessing. My looks yet deceive my emotion, for I know a disgusted figure is writhing within. I cannot tell what yet be unattractive to most: a physical flaw or a scarring of the soul that only seeks to rend into another. I won't let my fellow man that deserve peace be upended in their stable life by a force so reckless.

So I reserve myself, keeping this force of trauma at bay from others, while enduring the suffering of its imprisonment. If love could break its chains that bind itself to me and I to it; it has not yet been gifted from those that radiate beauty throughout, or even a divine power to ease my pain. Society has disillusioned me of the agony I face. I am aware of flaws of the human nature that are best left ignored. Faced against this foe forces my consciousness to the dark reality.

I only wish I had an answer or remedy to this trouble, I fear that none may be found.",7.252048026919546,7.820642738758032,7.566034720097893,70.52423715203426,63.796573875803006,10.097552768430713,34.2374579382074,9.957137785484203,3.5027149587029665,2017,82,335,40,28,659,251,467,0.16899999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.114,-0.9778,2,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,1,8,20,21,3,2,38,0,31,13,6,1,6,57,58,25,0,6,13,0,9,1,1,5,6,2,0,2,36,9,0,5,17,0,0,5,11,14,0,2,4,18,36,7,61,43,9,46,4,2,7,1,10,18,0,9,23,252,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727904651221432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716191382103082,0.0713355862912329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735800560176684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040511684121758,0.14814104843865636,0.0,0.0,0.05982996722433057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435549356360403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382417773678564,0.16783433481774035,0.07816402198453802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043937722940896,0.4221726938565907,0.06627600529732282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343840601514088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203756468739266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456026577729656,0.0,0.06218280639396724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491921117175434,0.0,0.0,0.10196962221972236,0.07562118553763014,0.0,0.0,0.10079654750337774,0.09486518308831612,0.13105456176613262,0.04532348740463872,0.0,0.0,0.08209989179666467,0.1558094536539313,0.10378762100273793,0.0,0.0,0.08372993510471644,0.0,0.0,0.09405577848248656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367280720638316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878891993711497,0.07155112930407133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4938985457628125,0.1974309146637262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856093035736103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769908983893693,0.20917193987313415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943182280589589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785380925907066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283853651415057,0.09456890001498784,0.0,0.0,0.09175342326276427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108641329956683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944425561197943,0.09114756507673068,0.0,0.10819165973551867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668269030670936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059741828849811884
suicidewatch,jicty,2018/01/02,"Tired of being the good guy I'm always the one who is there for people when they need help. I would bend over backwards to help people close to me and even some that I'm not close too. But when I need help nobody is around, nobody will come to help me. Nobody really cares about me and I'm tired of going through life alone. Even my girlfriend who always said she will be there for me is pushing away and I'm worried she will leave me soon. I'm just tired of trying to be happy. ",1.7153685368536848,3.452052000000002,2.5728052805280552,96.60484048404842,78.50495049504951,4.884928492849285,16.17271727172717,5.033348758259628,-0.9169612761276128,376,5,85,1,9,118,57,101,0.122,0.7,0.179,0.8221,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,12,3,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,0,0,14,21,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,11,3,14,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,3,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219542319295874,0.0,0.0,0.26061560632863673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941154284733176,0.0,0.0,0.14713543722274933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966910944732995,0.0,0.0,0.13490123494233358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687208879595373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900216065907253,0.13135274090588894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506344978645914,0.0,0.1667088038081013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198757923237045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582195296859265,0.0,0.0,0.11061465610478076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224106418337956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611951773951056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714020687966767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032509441503952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896710034896307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5399828064119687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632443178735697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590398545523316,0.0,0.11124761153132436,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mentalcasethrowaway,2018/01/02,"i need advice. my home team can’t spare anyone to come and see me AGAIN and are telling me to go to A&E i know how A&E staff treat psych patients taking up beds on their wards, ESPECIALLY when those patients haven’t actually hurt themselves (yet). i’m not escalating this until i need to

but my home team arent able to come out until tomorrow morning... 9 hours away. and even then they are likely to not get back to me or be booked up all day. my lifeline is gone. they said i could call them and they would visit me ‘any time’, but that’s twice now i’ve had to just sit through this. i’m being attacked by my own thoughts. every single one is pushing me and hurting me.

should i just hurt myself and then call an ambulance lmao. that’s the only way i can force someone to make the change i need

everyone ignores me and ignores me and blows me off until one day kill off half my liver and all of a sudden they strip my rights and i’m shut up in some hellish ward",3.6815071428571433,4.559717965000004,4.318428571428573,89.546,71.85,6.914285714285715,25.785714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.8715214285714286,763,23,166,6,14,243,125,200,0.152,0.8140000000000001,0.034,-0.9794,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,6,2,10,10,3,0,4,0,14,1,1,2,2,35,31,20,1,6,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,5,13,0,2,2,3,0,6,5,8,0,4,4,2,29,2,24,22,5,35,1,3,1,0,13,11,0,2,17,111,34,5,0.13382144008811098,0.0,0.13059042155118775,0.0,0.0,0.1307687624629572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28999094885092225,0.0,0.09100316819263053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357106241306998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224120719057727,0.1257296480952109,0.1029004271232303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732933049278525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156533952349326,0.2305506425516168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684553076067126,0.0,0.0,0.1726075161706246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838779907813724,0.0,0.11275033494561774,0.127872120796017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991617916978496,0.0,0.0760538083183705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26846763108332994,0.0,0.13178716221046086,0.0,0.4297758581255369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805359616162772,0.0,0.0735447637394228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537839604501647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932685039932639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976807065400718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136174225958968,0.10177723541204957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142827786473206,0.12729483432522282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663836182996936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338647191966933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061706866255286,0.0,0.11696583705574252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623927543004799,0.07803235787889151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062212302666263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506291151390632,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heliumfucker,2018/01/03,"Im gonna hang myself Its now 2am, I'm going to take benzos and oxycodone and then hang myself . It should be pretty painless..  Im alone and my roommate's coming here in the morning so she's gonna find the body

I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday,he cheated on me. Im so sad and angry Im just lying on the floor and cant  get up. I've never been this hurt in my whole life. Ive been here crying for hours . 

Theres no reason to live anymore. He was fucking everything I had left . Theres a voice telling me to kill myself over and  over and over again I cant take this anymore

",-0.8346093749999994,1.2180735078125018,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,91.265625,3.825,17.375,5.148860815047168,-0.7270874999999997,451,12,106,2,16,152,81,128,0.25,0.726,0.024,-0.9832,0,1,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,4,0,9,3,1,1,1,14,18,10,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,4,1,13,0,14,10,1,20,0,3,0,1,3,11,1,0,5,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584797617185319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035040634375909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699677105636443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181084366210913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808230461613774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375220709316172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985502816354314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146201613107295,0.07994521689469833,0.0,0.08696325047904704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506912046962261,0.0,0.1638081704975833,0.0,0.6611397113737093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929095665308522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625373003309749,0.0,0.10808063505717977,0.0,0.0,0.13511706781551155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801636494031402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567359157268493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732725601502245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300999131546589,0.0,0.13374385333591507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708383363577933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,advintaged,2018/01/03,"Sitting In The Holding Room At Psychiatric Hospital Almost 4 yrs into treatment resistant bipolar depression, I'm in my second psych hospitalization in less than a month. It is costing a shit ton of money that we can't afford.
I totally suck as a contributing member of society—much less as a wife, grandmother, mother, aunt. 
They're planning ECT. I hope I never wake up. It would be better for all concerned. 
I'm beyond sad. I'm just numb.",2.6381927710843414,5.499857457831329,4.707240963855423,76.09724698795179,82.855421686747,7.6573493975903615,27.577108433734946,8.548686976883017,2.8655310843373494,351,16,57,9,10,120,67,83,0.154,0.745,0.101,-0.6572,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,2,7,2,0,5,0,4,4,2,0,3,10,9,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,5,2,13,7,5,11,0,2,0,0,4,8,2,2,2,38,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827690755687849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380698712264817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292321531666165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796614085366368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051090336471385,0.0,0.2809984050453065,0.0,0.294815470843922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923750713864928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715400828621862,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovelylightsromero,2018/01/03,"Empty Sometimes I feel so detached from reality, I remember when I used to be genuinely happy...I want that feeling back. I'm tired of feeling empty.",1.9192857142857136,4.75181378571429,4.84,72.83000000000003,89.7142857142857,7.085714285714286,32.0,8.07648339933343,3.508971428571428,118,7,18,3,4,42,22,28,0.295,0.556,0.149,-0.6359,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795032726045611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5513781441213282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117661102202964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595033475986988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417781122699912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139407867230241,0.0,0.0,0.21439727674428613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,axo_Alpha,2018/01/03,"Suicidal thoughts are choking every aspect of my life. Should I admit myself? Kinda xpost from r/depression I have been dealing with depression for years now and have been doing everything I can to get better. Recently I have been having suicidal thoughts. And even though I have no intention of following through I feel as though my depression would. Whenever I used to get this way I’d think of all the things I love in this world and I’d change my mind pretty quick. But now it seems every time I try to do that those thoughts get choked out by my depression. Every positive thought I have gets drowned out and stomped on by the suicidal thoughts and general self loathing. All motivation is gone for me and this point and I do things simply so I am not a burden to people anymore. I’m scared that in a slump of sel hatred and meaninglessness I’ll do something stupid.. I’m not myself when I’m depressed and I don’t know how to fix it.

I am beginning to think my meds are having an opposite effect on my mood. I dont know if thats even possible but im seriously considering admitting myself to the hospital.

I dont know how to bring this up to anyone, my friends, family, gf, therapist, etc",3.0502331002331005,5.338931008547012,4.341942501942501,82.87755244755247,76.52136752136751,8.528049728049728,27.303030303030305,9.218907990703514,2.561092307692308,952,39,184,25,22,313,130,234,0.14800000000000002,0.775,0.077,-0.9255,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,1,1,6,0,25,2,0,6,2,44,52,19,4,3,5,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,16,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,9,1,27,3,28,41,3,21,0,4,0,1,7,9,0,3,8,127,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986050819627314,0.07040696382948165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905487316506397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065199590802836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381017511726638,0.4336341410097426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602315028219215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229943480881856,0.13301369915390973,0.0,0.2545148644107695,0.0,0.09049647464940196,0.0,0.09492450276673,0.0,0.05091346196766629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779524710103168,0.0,0.2104319763378052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876583795737534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601489991395174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112252152897619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087946320757373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184734570997087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167133684525116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980792411439787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951875359557806,0.11351635224596356,0.0,0.10244109282170458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942229853922237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081136928828904,0.0,0.0,0.0916672256873163,0.10504487420969567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751847559301284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304257579646513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691246177367973,0.13379205623083212,0.12904015831456647,0.1978609388981619,0.3996954095408949,0.05871496226530906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836401210422988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696651730942435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992550393721698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152949640496899,0.0,0.0,0.06484306156596815
suicidewatch,Lesley_Chang,2018/01/03,"Don't want to hurt anyone Every time I think about killing myself, all I can see is how my family and friends will react, especially my mother. She cares about me, she's always been there for me, and she's been through a lot. I don't want to put her through any more pain. 

I feel so lost. My life is constant misery, I can't find any rest, any flicker of happiness. It has reached the point where everything has gone to shit and I am too beaten down and drained to fight back. I wish I'd never existed, I wish no one cared about me, at least that way my passing would cause no one any pain. 
 ",3.8338414634146334,4.216703065040652,4.4127540650406525,90.80986280487808,71.1951219512195,7.776016260162603,25.944105691056908,7.6454224807358475,1.0350495934959354,459,13,106,5,8,146,84,123,0.22,0.601,0.179,-0.7888,0,0,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,9,12,4,0,2,0,13,4,1,3,2,18,24,6,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,8,0,2,4,2,20,4,13,18,5,12,0,2,1,0,7,4,1,1,4,70,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447779998549052,0.0,0.0,0.4069279948811324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460263516883614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503188656309628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30505094840074004,0.15367870027546934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616626559018804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604305056851794,0.0,0.13444933862995856,0.0,0.14102799767845828,0.0,0.0756414138278205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673016929778925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557930363375793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592502109031604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014811321838618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550839442607154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566572917135207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330425604397986,0.12718315594857518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537945950237335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027434088053541,0.0,0.3183663548642797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141878238518404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503876474533858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921050557554155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356054256306698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585657347047416,0.0,0.0,0.08723199301229292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647394957537987,0.11874419623147145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440614079908539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627036601635877,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glitterundies,2018/01/03,"I just made a legit suicide plan I've always attempted on a whim before. But this time, I've got a plan. Saturday, when I get my meds, I'm going to tell my boyfriend I love him and I'm running to the store. I'm going to park my car somewhere empty. Im going to take all my pills and wash it down with as much alcohol as I can stomach. I'll climb in the backseat of my car. If the meds don't kill me, the cold will. I really just needed to tell someone about this. I'm scared but I'm sure. I can't see any other way out and finding help has been difficult and humiliating at times. I am finally ready to say goodbye. Honestly, the only person who loves me is my boyfriend and he can do so much better. I just hope he doesn't think I don't love him.",0.3235975609756103,2.071374347560976,2.941646341463418,92.22881097560978,82.96341463414635,6.051219512195122,20.615853658536587,7.1686216300943375,0.4154463414634145,579,17,136,8,16,202,99,164,0.07,0.713,0.217,0.9827,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,5,6,10,1,1,8,0,12,7,1,1,2,20,31,12,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,2,0,1,7,4,3,0,0,3,3,19,7,16,27,3,18,0,0,1,3,13,5,0,2,5,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450560798027186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808306516045492,0.0,0.0,0.10467847457548386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309840886676333,0.0,0.0,0.1361396113673727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686240733649497,0.14069030128753976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042268339655434,0.0,0.2624478948987175,0.0,0.12311281905911718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317681896547533,0.0,0.0,0.15288838494200105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627207903736144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030203353809106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167866741920697,0.1456533955811689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34196565861599765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22631424396935745,0.11413801259170665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707159169328812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440676082074618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861224955950257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241224525587455,0.15411195534333125,0.0,0.12266321348242533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304253813770858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837571666515805,0.0,0.14507830664913998,0.0,0.11573708336789175,0.0,0.2690852559006015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863287869248806,0.0,0.0,0.1795170069903583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218339836592727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mattrossl,2018/01/03,I can laugh and smile but still want to end it all I have a loving family but they are ignorant. I have told them before how I feel but they don’t believe me. In school I can laugh and smile but each time I do I think to myself that I don’t deserve to be happy. I have tried opening up to a friend and he called me an attention whore. Many kids in my school just don’t like me because I’m weird. I’m made fun of the video game I play (overwatch). I was a straight A student last year but now I am failing two of my classes and have 70’s and 80’s in all the others. I honestly want to die more than anything but don’t have the tools to do so. I just want to die in a quiet peaceful way. ,0.2491558441558439,1.7071132662337691,2.3389610389610382,97.88558441558443,81.92207792207795,5.43896103896104,20.090909090909093,6.18269132825596,-0.19943636363636366,529,14,134,4,14,178,87,154,0.141,0.5720000000000001,0.287,0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,3,1,6,13,0,0,9,0,17,2,0,2,2,26,27,13,2,3,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,2,23,9,15,23,4,14,0,1,0,2,10,7,0,0,7,89,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640521322027168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586031375077475,0.0,0.16172915781225866,0.21413531135928335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407502565363496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39450966057067305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833892927426464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917397561201187,0.0,0.09610129236426218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684178795294264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023250267626046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492627518153282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285491931812746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153879398664218,0.17984169863266058,0.0,0.19269350666738652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847067203479869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178412899210664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217843523270359,0.0,0.0,0.11082695100165324,0.0,0.0,0.18161282897452,0.0,0.12903993679696918,0.0,0.18566340983914334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363112962448769,0.15086273697336527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239399515402055
suicidewatch,afleer1,2018/01/03,"Help Reddit, please help...I’ve got no one else to turn to because I’m estranged from my family and my boyfriend of 10 years and I are going through an awful break up right now...

I (26F) am in such a dark place...I have been for about 3-5 years since I went to graduate school as a first generation college student that just wasn’t ready for it. 

I’m so low that I don’t see any point in going on...is there? Would someone reach out to me and let me know that life is worth living?

I don’t want to kill myself but I feel that it’s the only way to escape this pain and anguish I’ve been feeling for so long...somebody...anybody...",1.6847778537252225,3.061061428571428,3.0547778537252235,94.69656185919344,77.57142857142857,5.738619275461383,21.865345181134657,6.11248444174946,0.0725398496240599,482,13,113,3,11,157,96,133,0.149,0.754,0.098,-0.9126,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,1,4,1,11,2,0,0,0,12,23,8,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,4,0,2,5,3,11,0,18,16,0,16,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,4,65,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312046308638109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761337065131235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117515638910065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818850175915723,0.0,0.1951107597243585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411318280295148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930251538224807,0.0,0.15431034933172122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258644893345397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345759513918952,0.0,0.10603382025087088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729243970283009,0.1362779967491047,0.0,0.0,0.1703680156835611,0.1707442859918677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307399561937122,0.14673823854473814,0.20529990855815464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157941370276095,0.21178826786488256,0.18238901597790255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476821724242527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526381651989955,0.15374681099240747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596005199217044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347595900924694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986141995132312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137999828096372,0.15314540783384686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885569716251182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705780207145846,0.0,0.0,0.24849182349894144
suicidewatch,clementineisabadass,2018/01/03,"Give me reasons to live Hello comrades, I’m not going to waste your time with my problems, my story isn’t as important as any other. Just give me something. Something that’ll give me a sliver of hope or drive to keep on going. If you can find it in your heart, to share your compassion and advice to a complete stranger trying to find their way in the world, it would be of great help. Thank you all.",4.9285185185185165,5.166317160493829,5.150222222222221,86.992,68.75308641975309,7.467654320987655,27.31111111111111,6.742157984588678,1.1284548148148148,314,9,65,2,5,99,60,81,0.03,0.7340000000000001,0.236,0.9504,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,1,14,14,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,4,14,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,3,1,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406690582998006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809382970713445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974958396175317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34432216494664664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5420871051691728,0.2141029541013564,0.0,0.0,0.20767173249398665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321198630226405,0.1262562712332718,0.0,0.0,0.18708773531885384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674263825064217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663286687736246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802386984291598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366933784054324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900232810171169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342006120332565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983643493188117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788664213457376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495144009959577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380822493070965,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stroowberry,2018/01/03,"Do you feel suicidal people should always be talked out taking their own life, or would you let them? I’ve been wondering this for a while and it often comes up in my psychology classes. 
One part of me thinks people who are about to take their own life deserve to be helped and provided the right treatment, because they are worthy of support and a second chance. 
But the other part of me realises that we have free will to do what we want/need, and that it isn’t our place to tell someone that they can’t take their own life because we don’t want them to. 
What do you all think? ",6.797692307692309,5.749007358974364,6.437222222222222,83.64250000000003,65.15384615384616,9.509401709401713,29.756410256410252,8.344100000000001,1.8315538461538456,459,12,97,5,6,143,77,117,0.037000000000000005,0.8590000000000001,0.104,0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,4,3,7,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,16,3,0,0,1,20,26,7,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,17,3,13,19,6,7,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,3,1,76,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460255020500514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395966517859533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117299257041192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873530405639153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176302797757568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945504030418974,0.3718709156218217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891963089639908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38008693407255895,0.0,0.2433316114221621,0.0,0.18335442485789788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498713641061268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869594018381266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196252469649736,0.1991491054611724,0.0,0.0,0.3958501231236077,0.14105585030234627,0.1533899486943397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224899608885363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702243362675185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031632454269012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466627424641465,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stroxington,2018/01/03,To be honest...... I’m just surprised to see how many people feel the same way I do sometimes.,0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.73684210526315,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.502915789473684,70,2,15,0,2,23,17,19,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525818971806523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064540787230946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463174026990219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980678591052534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940567841547986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965107584002561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomdude2492,2018/01/03,"Starting fresh rather than ending it, any advice on how? Long story short, ever since I graduated college (2015) I haven't been able to find a job of any sort. It feels as if I'm blacklisted. Got good grades in school, constantly apply but never even get interviews no matter the experience level required. Basic jobs claim I'm overqualified. Always dealt with depression but was mostly able to keep it under control, but this has really exacerbated things. As I'm leaning towards ending it, I thought maybe I should just up and go, start new somewhere instead. Anybody tried/done this successfully? Any advice you can impart? I would've by now if I had the money but again...no job. The more you get pushed into a corner, the more you look for a way out no matter the cost/consequences, which scares me.",4.945984340044742,6.993139476510072,5.40820469798658,78.40389541387027,70.34228187919463,7.919686800894855,25.839485458612977,8.59863814320734,1.9564357941834447,638,20,110,11,12,204,110,149,0.096,0.8290000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.7403,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,3,8,4,0,1,8,0,7,0,0,2,2,26,20,10,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,3,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,5,2,10,2,16,14,3,23,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,4,10,69,18,10,0.2947257304714304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28800257278926183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261770886911885,0.0,0.0,0.3006354049447676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924690570283134,0.1652799838806217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269234198945998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26103951796626546,0.0,0.0,0.0973317826759076,0.13329814828895745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441491589173917,0.0,0.0,0.07451109242185637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346869891220434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398202981539258,0.0,0.08374971229201894,0.1236009797759324,0.11785954518293415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438704715849962,0.13098288553616458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041149849467387,0.1237476925120083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804580504459325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136553263022594,0.14232397352078938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944044249118205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753593576064386,0.14913908694644107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190008492881485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860838897268813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790133966392583,0.0,0.0,0.11698965440537865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696978324733615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468235141629643,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tuneintothefrequency,2018/01/03,Fuck it all I have everything I need to finally end it.  This weekend was the final straw to my forever alone life.  There's no point in continuing to meet out an existence on this planet when love and physical contact are literally unobtainable.  ,6.7940000000000005,8.098055066666667,8.091111111111115,63.77000000000002,65.0,13.111111111111116,37.22222222222222,12.45797560212912,5.557222222222222,198,10,33,8,3,68,40,45,0.154,0.762,0.084,-0.3612,0,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,5,1,10,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,6,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111944813957201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661256779981616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700414808803039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6582965429108347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27777804730226624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222960465624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118431874011656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227933936254079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840396078458293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,that_uncreative_guy,2018/01/03,i don't know what to do anymore i just spent the day talking to a dead girl and confessing my feelings because I couldn't do it while she was still alive i was a coward who let the only person that meant anything to me die and now i have to live with that for the rest of my life ,3.0329032258064537,3.1543266451612944,4.158225806451615,92.85733870967744,72.87096774193549,6.845161290322581,25.177419354838708,5.985473137389443,0.4885354838709674,220,6,53,1,4,72,45,62,0.17800000000000002,0.78,0.041,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,0,0,9,12,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,9,0,7,6,1,4,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299918232883604,0.0,0.0,0.2738192851588176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028371538027584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145918236105885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34533488693108483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824494936087078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286694945835175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402524450622728,0.23502634805425945,0.0,0.0,0.29381832362179344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25306618197930875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29053850982246826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657291329576067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674463635814119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaychickadeedo,2018/01/03,"Final attempt looking for advice [Linking my original post asking for advice.](https://redd.it/7m1k60) 

I first tried /r/mentalhealth but only got a troll comment.

Tried /r/needadvice and I got banned for using a throwaway account to try to remain anonymous. 

It's really disheartening that the only reactions I get for asking for help on how to stop wanting to die are a troll comment and nearly immediate ban. If this posting doesn't work I guess I'll just give up again.",7.391004016064258,9.405205710843381,6.86524096385542,70.48091365461848,64.18072289156626,8.90682730923695,34.315261044176715,9.2995712137729,3.5201020080321275,386,17,56,7,6,120,62,83,0.234,0.708,0.058,-0.9583,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,3,0,14,12,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,5,0,12,10,0,10,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,5,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005645561308912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36364968199804415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185318362950053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305773953703824,0.0,0.16543577439194468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161464368666112,0.18657555229252268,0.0,0.0,0.311107879359533,0.0,0.21425613254131956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036465898810218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633252620027123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958416101856514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725413504632646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459729244197633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626049825794385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961442468122016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797963546910574,0.0,0.0,0.11471709926256905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159332990934084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_endorstoi,2018/01/03,"I’m fucking stuck and embarrassed and evicted My mom gambled away our rent money for the second month in a row, and now we’re getting evicted, so now there’s that on my record at 20-years-old. We’re moving back in with a family member we used to live with when the recession hit in 2006-2012, and that’s when my depression was the worst and I went through a psychosis. 

My mom doesn’t have a car or else I’d go live with someone else, but she’s fucking dependent on me now to drive her 15+ miles to and from work now while I have to babysit for my cousin during the day and also work a 30-40+ hour job at night. Today’s my first day off in awhile and I have to pack everything before we get locked out, and I don’t have a day off until Wednesday. 

I’m more than 5k in debt with maxed out credit cards because of my mom, so she’s just fucking drained me of everything. 

I have a dog too, so I can’t just go anywhere. 

I fucking just want to die so I can’t just not have to do this right now. ",5.243876262626267,3.7346809212962953,5.889478114478116,87.81242424242424,68.49074074074073,9.150841750841753,30.284511784511785,7.686295010490155,1.6005148148148147,773,23,186,7,11,253,117,216,0.113,0.86,0.026,-0.9464,5,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,3,0,0,3,19,8,4,1,11,0,12,4,0,2,0,27,27,20,1,1,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,17,0,0,0,0,5,6,5,7,0,2,3,0,23,1,33,23,2,41,0,1,0,4,10,16,4,2,19,118,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319742013274172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124223717602005,0.0992278128492087,0.0,0.07866477165173807,0.0,0.10980798218876013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496704842211324,0.0,0.11114646354855656,0.0,0.1339285703556502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156014542066064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319550554177108,0.0,0.1216523537798442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109765802805772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772009259153797,0.1348416082565504,0.0,0.14667875089084376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708355284169398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280574742084361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789859649953875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534086250418841,0.10300266775412746,0.13715465224325926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211002022782494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541125631795672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102039174037967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933960071713847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231978482073888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145364181391423,0.0,0.0,0.07611421738972106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962621679820395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789292203050967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emofrexk,2018/01/03,"I'm so done with everything I won't say too much because guess who has trust issues and has had everyone that they thought cared walk away because they're too depressing?

Me.

In summary, my parents don't even acknowledge my existence unless my sister tries to get me in trouble (e.g. last night I told her not to piss me off cause I don't get to see my psychiatrist for another month and she just went crying to my mom and I got in trouble), one of my ex-girlfriends sexually abused me, another one left because I'm ""too depressing"" and she was sick of ""dealing with my problems all the time"". I've always been alone and always will be alone.

And to top it all off (I'm probably going to get a lot of hate for this but I don't freaking care about anything anymore), I'm pre-t ftm and constantly have people calling me a girl and saying ""go kill yourself tranny"".

I've tried before but I never succeeded (sadly), but I feel like I should just get it over with.

Nobody cares at all, I just keep getting used over and over and I'm sick of it. My mom refused to let me stay at the hospital so they could give me a specific diagnosis and medication, but I haven't been on anything. Last time I was there they said ""you're probably bipolar"" and ""you might be schizophrenic"" and ""you sound depressed"" but nothing was officially diagnosed so I don't even know what the hell's wrong with me.

I'm ranting now and I haven't even begun to explain everything.

So I've got parents that don't seem to realise I'm alive and don't support my transition, a body that I freaking hate so much that I tear it up every chance I get, a past of sexual abuse, past suicide attempts, people telling me to kill myself, voices in my head telling me I'm worthless and I should just end everything already and showing me images of my last suicide attempt trying to get me low enough to actually do it, social-anxiety, zero good friends, nobody I trust to talk to about the things I didn't cover here, and I don't get to see a psychiatrist for a month.

Maybe I'll just do it tonight. I know nobody would care or notice. I don't even know why I'm posting on here. I guess a part of me hopes someone will finally hear my cries for help six years after I started screaming?",4.516098820059001,5.221493161504426,5.532017699115045,82.23613864306787,69.81858407079646,8.681533923303835,30.77463126843658,8.841846274778883,2.383040471976402,1767,71,357,30,30,584,214,452,0.2,0.706,0.094,-0.9951,2,2,0,1,2,3,54.0,0,2,3,4,23,31,6,0,12,0,34,9,3,2,4,61,82,30,4,6,13,5,1,1,1,7,6,7,0,1,14,22,0,2,8,1,0,4,14,19,0,4,14,10,58,12,49,57,8,44,1,6,2,0,30,18,2,7,21,226,72,1,0.0,0.16418070673350854,0.06761130725138781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351490767664313,0.07645674982819876,0.0,0.11529987697880485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530088267154165,0.053002162541895284,0.0,0.06871123033534712,0.0,0.0,0.11402985556018926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650947119015319,0.0,0.0,0.12670487035063904,0.0,0.058955683527090526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695903888622334,0.0,0.0,0.07074683345738919,0.0,0.2825591135686272,0.07117387694066585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487152062346203,0.0,0.05531773251735588,0.0,0.1522107060705005,0.0,0.07142888597778453,0.1790229343854039,0.07032192388606145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090171020216772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136516614464535,0.07158901728713504,0.0,0.18304603261896785,0.0,0.0583748597190719,0.06620394624147262,0.18680430011282556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035032133078617904,0.04949658952730197,0.0,0.07589736742436423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352873962996442,0.0,0.28958474690816505,0.06646364161902497,0.07875152466424874,0.05811223311078314,0.11082568077401604,0.0,0.1526485397784378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368074501117562,0.07110549610006474,0.0,0.07808823921760269,0.0,0.0464396855231438,0.0,0.0,0.06881476467329052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231462122015858,0.0,0.061582909711552086,0.15330522806886,0.0,0.1142302220680353,0.16942741630243752,0.0,0.0,0.07527739964353905,0.07084770735185518,0.0,0.03384872159915561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058902881623695835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960521145885114,0.0,0.0,0.06979646234244598,0.0,0.07349950296946935,0.0,0.16228944911291845,0.11060384794467112,0.0,0.10186360099802856,0.0,0.053436184958503885,0.0,0.0,0.06501845365221469,0.0,0.06647998222077177,0.07888043039888656,0.0,0.0,0.0938974262729807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538636331800469,0.07502795081094148,0.13227906535372738,0.09606577093778176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635503553712464,0.0,0.1494000004464352,0.066295546291606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590506449742653,0.1101950269617634,0.0,0.0,0.1104209475829684,0.06307366117167934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062643569254758,0.05870421046237824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049039657091805314,0.07384765390516762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157116511375246,0.07862279888701168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055687951620350264,0.1211147502727338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602929105191311,0.0,0.0,0.055003852563951385,0.08080025566089462,0.0,0.0,0.06620394624147262,0.0,0.14111810966682545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983923485113831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422707382942817,0.06251814229375748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921745134315905,0.07575130936097453,0.0,0.044616702031510524
suicidewatch,Akyesama,2018/01/03,"Sometimes I'm happy.. on other times I belive I will never be happy again. Days pass.. I have friends that are amazing, I truely love them like they're my family.. but why is the urge to end the pain so strong? I can be happy in a moment and in five seconds I'm not. I don't understand why and I don't know how to fight that. I'm just not strong enough and I don't want to put this kind of burden on my beloved friends.  

I'm in therapy since my mom died two years ago and I feel like nothing is getting better afterall. I always have these downs, where suddenly everything around me goes dark and bad and I feel the need to escape. I never had serious drug issues, but I feel like drinking to succumb the pain more and more, cause when I'm sober long enough these downs come back and I'm just.. scared.  

The only thing keeping me alive are my friends after all, and the fact that I know, that I'm gonna hurt them if I kill myself. I just don't know how long this keeps me from the last solution...",0.5562533804867904,2.7183215215311023,2.06874557936343,96.41556688163095,84.98086124401914,5.165883087164552,18.177865612648226,6.498293943080001,-0.18958431454129432,774,19,176,8,23,250,116,209,0.207,0.607,0.18600000000000005,-0.845,0,0,2,0,1,1,26.0,0,0,2,3,11,24,2,1,8,0,15,5,0,3,4,37,37,16,2,3,8,1,3,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,10,11,1,2,7,1,0,3,8,9,0,3,1,3,26,15,16,32,5,28,0,1,0,1,8,9,0,1,19,109,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154337839926844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953163861932159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197550825925514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808336687714864,0.09564608059550343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131187723397182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767639166851865,0.0,0.09867634857976144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387652120434274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888682274893884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221728558031424,0.13284387636207826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145901328462116,0.2367255403121629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029518925123144,0.0,0.10798936912720786,0.0,0.1737627001791597,0.1636718500054831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655076216574126,0.0,0.05984865789804214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658279935594792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263021526262402,0.0,0.0,0.1195624582479621,0.0,0.20363804572132474,0.12673474340945448,0.11928821221166525,0.18886424247573427,0.09337511578305528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678928670852711,0.0,0.0,0.202749714852728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338759342803626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341618413831853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493880806091264,0.17669902781017402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991567077973634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712190820943266,0.24378266995968165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151563337802161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146864703315352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475854408976797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329479245454292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100012057272853,0.0,0.07610321532104664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679615429685294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119005951062415,0.1192526038619292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675656989950405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067306072165067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376769018209542
suicidewatch,Justtakeitaway,2018/01/03,"The waiting is over No need to reply. Just posting thoughts, not looking for anything or help.

Ive been contemplating suicide for quite a few years but wouldnt do it because of the financial strain it would put on my wife and my son. The great news is that the waiting is over! I have worked at my job long enough now that my life insurance suicide clause has expired. When I off myself my wife and son will get our house paid for in full (that suicide clause expired a couple years ago), and $200,000 in cash. I have another policy that will 'mature' this coming summer which is the only thing that is preventing me from taking care of business right now. An extra $50,000 would be a life changer for them.

Will they miss me? Yes
Will they hurt? Yes

Better than dealing with a depressed husband/father. Eventually my son will know what other people think of his father. Better than I am not here when that happens. ",4.741219405594407,6.23474903977273,4.708181818181821,85.4207342657343,69.9659090909091,7.0062937062937065,27.743006993007,7.321109707123232,1.4551648601398601,725,25,137,7,13,224,114,176,0.151,0.7190000000000001,0.13,-0.5109,1,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,1,0,3,4,6,8,0,1,10,2,21,2,0,0,0,21,35,7,3,4,5,6,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,3,3,0,2,2,4,4,0,0,3,1,19,4,19,23,4,21,0,3,1,0,13,9,0,1,9,99,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313841724450606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574920942611633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359732735463648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155721111353196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265669769819238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531333661926089,0.0,0.0,0.12937931627328295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618742642234288,0.0,0.0,0.15484399869494295,0.1293623564139951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519113237785945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847045974206666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559003515281734,0.0,0.0,0.1328165554036435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006722491342749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330435936918054,0.16078638532413114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904492766691213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254300350480567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21217372224588613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329174612751588,0.12612560485245006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113673648260877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422973264407922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412599822951868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384487305750507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098701911308945,0.0,0.15975040480441444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282653355424152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928654207283386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292761889456518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978259335849504,0.09623861092173698,0.0,0.11923770555904012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934343015222928,0.0,0.0,0.2133878155097867,0.0,0.0,0.1934407475790274
suicidewatch,dahlisgr8,2018/01/03,Anyone relate? I used to be a Muslim (by birth) and I have left that faith now. I know I will kill myself very soon but the ONLY thing that makes me fear my death is that in Islam there is an extreme punishment in the afterlife for those who commit suicide. If this is so... I'm pretty much fucked but at the same time maybe it is just a statement to stop us leaving this world. Its a 50/50 for me. Hopefully I cease to exist completely but there is a possibility that I'll suffer even more than I already am. ,2.32729700854701,4.083958759615385,3.7801282051282072,88.5426495726496,76.78846153846155,6.545299145299146,21.170940170940174,7.3871296695380915,0.5933388888888884,397,10,84,5,9,131,76,104,0.284,0.619,0.097,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,1,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,8,0,9,1,0,2,1,14,15,6,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,2,10,13,3,10,2,1,0,1,2,5,1,2,5,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430914897443727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402935351646496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309660703694317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549707141988194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788341224100904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365120166439568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879407244524146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437142329526223,0.0,0.1210636293012972,0.0,0.0,0.23325146156234425,0.2393417881946281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704286414886722,0.0,0.22130726960700087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193583021105842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753771271727425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483397862793739,0.0,0.22411043514193105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416927112244766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409575375136007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634847752264818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845075526012456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649773828878692,0.19025669777767085,0.0,0.18175932751013832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JonBlackfyre22,2018/01/03,"If I had a gun I’d have done it already. When I’d kill myself, what the reasons are, or how my family will feel about it don’t concern me as much as how I’d do it. I have already sat in a bathtub with a knife near my wrist, but I wasn’t sure if the blade was sharp enough and if I would actually kill myself. I want to buy a rope and take a chair out to the middle of nowhere and hang myself. Not a day goes by where I don’t want to kill myself, or when I don’t triple-guess my decision to do it. If I had a gun I would already have done it, it’s so easy and you don’t even have to clean up the mess.",3.940577507598781,1.829414425531916,5.572097264437691,90.99000000000002,71.41134751773049,8.908206686930091,26.525835866261396,6.868970318607317,0.7871410334346503,458,9,127,3,7,159,73,141,0.168,0.73,0.102,-0.9098,0,0,0,2,0,4,12.0,0,1,0,0,8,5,3,0,11,0,20,1,1,3,1,24,25,18,3,8,8,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,7,2,18,1,15,15,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,3,92,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.15860504794644542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380650204222432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481788424056808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326475881996488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679361038982411,0.0,0.10734899959851793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532180591053909,0.0,0.08217964379747147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904423057888036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394434164221072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947765822822692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671070803365966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318184162109375,0.0,0.1222017266649205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172785887700708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309121520475661,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxmybrokendreamsxx,2018/01/03,"Help me... I'm so lonely. I have a boyfriend and some friends but no one messages me. No one takes the time of day to just say hi. Everyone ignores me. 

I'm so stressed. I'm doing 3 A-levels and the workload is too much. College does so little to help when I'm not too anxious to ask for help.  They just tell me off for not doing work.",-0.9217047184170468,1.0906546986301393,1.3130593607305947,100.09537290715376,91.05479452054794,3.792389649923897,20.439878234398783,5.033348758259628,-0.43197290715372905,255,9,62,1,9,85,47,73,0.17600000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.158,-0.3567,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,6,1,7,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,1,3,39,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788708307278971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230771919071518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919816758239147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602055845548224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358762557648645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071610374516967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963761117868955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474090766186779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146353930703876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345446093869502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630544581771808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827664430625532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560087432989933,0.0,0.21575823975831926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394052660108986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179710122617849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Not_Today_Satan666,2018/01/03,"Waited far too long Always knew I wanted to die since I was 12, I always just thought I'd grow out of it but I never did, I'm now nearly 22 and I have every thing planned, I know exactly what I'm going to do, the last thing I have to do is my best friends wedding hair and then I'm done. I'm counting down the days untill I'm free ",-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210551,1.93342105263158,98.12144736842106,86.89473684210527,4.326315789473685,17.394736842105264,5.148860815047168,-0.7617315789473689,256,6,64,1,8,89,52,76,0.032,0.778,0.19,0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,2,12,19,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,8,4,8,14,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477629014715067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823643634876973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735229733637981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792442665256146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753442268221197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22669665610839015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787692404244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291434866600515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478696451061562,0.2193217474879178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381117356121492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751749132382985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225711776086518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575061735385853,0.0,0.0,0.21360547176189307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586999603648584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyLOLNameWasTaken,2018/01/03,"As someone with a food allergy, I need help coping with such an easily accessible 'out'. I'm terribly allergic to all nuts, have been for nearly 2 decades.

Other people that are suicidal have their means, but most require a certain degree of effort to obtain.

Meanwhile mine could be a mistake in preparation or the entire damn candy aisle.

How can I cope? It's utterly demoralizing whenever I shop or go out to eat because I'm constantly reminded that I could quit with just a peanut butter cup.

I want to get better and I'm on medication but I think I need something more.

I feel constantly overwhelmed and miserable.

I'd love advice or personal stories related to food allergies/depression/suicide. I think getting more perspectives would help.

Thanks in advance.",4.970301003344481,7.743495115942032,6.16449275362319,69.77342809364552,72.47826086956522,10.043255295429207,33.803790412486066,10.214889679676881,4.484385061315496,618,32,94,20,13,206,100,138,0.131,0.687,0.182,0.8207,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,6,3,9,1,2,6,0,9,6,0,1,2,29,24,9,1,7,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,7,3,1,4,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,11,4,17,19,4,10,0,2,0,1,5,6,1,4,2,61,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125668735380574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059531736274296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594773302735076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566583206015015,0.0,0.2635118054880363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885776015692752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343961526936616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990882846415024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243340432388635,0.0,0.09378528143168602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122029992210487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893796557661282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975633132183394,0.0,0.16624137479573245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244722076443346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440483726205065,0.14409003998404624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552022909696946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982182371482318,0.12704128789860053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36101255023892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192923716647655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114776868032149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733370724106877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722623899023958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jtg_Jew,2018/01/03,"My brain can't find happiness. I have been severely depressed for almost a year now, I have tried ever med in the books, I've been hospitalized twice and I still see very little progress.

Even if on paper my days are good, I never enjoy anything, I can't think of a single thing that I enjoy, and can't see a future of me getting over any of this. 

I don't wanna take my life cus my mother would also take hers, I'm honestly out of ideas and out of energy, i guess this world just was not made for me, or I wasn't made for this world.",5.216052631578949,4.0466914824561435,6.311228070175438,83.65526315789475,68.38596491228071,9.35438596491228,26.017543859649123,8.344100000000001,1.3643438596491224,415,8,94,5,6,140,73,114,0.13,0.773,0.097,-0.5711,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,12,2,1,2,2,20,22,6,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,2,16,5,14,15,1,15,0,1,2,0,2,8,0,4,7,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785140561194455,0.0,0.0,0.15002133972706333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275724666199951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543764358177794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942041494662814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098461532914224,0.0,0.16157711448630827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390612075881136,0.16969232459055533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714603583740536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801174629936987,0.0,0.0,0.15734755395387368,0.0,0.0,0.20665936467265872,0.0,0.0,0.19970061013477436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177430086728735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250538549482108,0.0,0.1880215860409175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35501783955532434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837809657569875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468645491248874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29898121406428996,0.0,0.0,0.2119313349801695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981529301397026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820993573802795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463118296353227,0.1202046521566184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273661223351454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547872611024531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332636033092466,0.0,0.0,0.12080638712960308
suicidewatch,sweaters1234,2018/01/03,"I know im going to kill myself, i just dont know when I've had suicidal thoughts since i was maybe 14. I thought about the future and nothing seemed worth it all just to die in the end anyways. Negative events such as losing someone you love (there are many more examples) last forever. Sure at one point you might not think about it all the time but it will stay there regardless of time. Positive moments become temporary thoughts that might make you smile looking back at it but most of the time doesnt really have a lasting impact unless its a big deal. At the time i still cared about friends and family and hobbies ect..

 i met a girl in highschool that became my first everything. And as time went by i seemed to love her even more. In the end all i wanted was to see her succeed and be happy but im too selfish of a person to put that as a priority in the moment sometimes. 

To sum it up she broke up with me about a year ago and i still think about her everyday. I wanted to marry her.. i still do. I still cry i still hate myself. And in the end of it i knew i was still waking up with hopes that with time id improve myself and hopefully catch up with her and see where things go. But recently i did something that i regret yet again and ive come to realise ill be just like my terrible father. Now a days i feel so numb.. i lost interest in everything so quick and even people i loved like family i dont seem to really care about anymore.. i just seem to be going on yet i see no future the idea of fully loving someone and having them not love you anymore (especially if its your fault) and having to just move on to the next person to see really appauls me and is where the negatives outweigh the positives.

Ive always seem to have known that i never really wanted to make it to the end. But when i was with her i was thinking about our future.. and now i see nothing

",2.220123437976227,4.030939531088084,3.755781773849439,88.35632429137459,77.26424870466322,7.028223102712588,22.49283754952759,7.928766900206844,1.0449993294727218,1473,43,310,24,34,488,181,386,0.11,0.7,0.19,0.992,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,1,5,1,4,38,26,2,0,20,0,25,8,1,2,5,69,68,29,3,8,14,1,1,2,1,3,2,0,0,3,16,21,0,0,17,0,1,8,9,10,0,2,14,7,50,16,53,48,6,69,0,4,6,5,26,19,0,11,43,228,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061003612674901786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057262659530975285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136499288351216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291732145198708,0.0,0.0,0.07600483165044652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033047338488314,0.0,0.0,0.05928120418905354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559409486869315,0.04438235910960553,0.07094904323574636,0.0,0.0,0.07142293078539347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130997443258405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438117165830809,0.0,0.0,0.0909081858455284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369959467518753,0.0,0.12975226452167452,0.0,0.03479679530782979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585371389807347,0.0,0.0,0.05316914593267676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733373519270228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325877070647642,0.0,0.06794420464551293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670496598761128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768791962273235,0.14867198000760315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613767949500409,0.0,0.07564189989704888,0.11219282806026178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724266742617678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057790363638441665,0.07699050626592903,0.07512372499269457,0.0,0.3105577539519595,0.0,0.09187401430732417,0.06977134587574453,0.06913761974060775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460115006023923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314337193364763,0.0,0.0,0.05307721302210097,0.0,0.07318945307338766,0.0,0.0,0.1320667701400284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663332253592038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771021164924645,0.12017964395055522,0.0,0.0,0.06505590224081569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918178707200294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634804929239895,0.0,0.06795014987392421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741979129645351,0.3132497344910357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692752804186251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661969829715688,0.052979986501371805,0.06806343993997066,0.0,0.0,0.07335156243939897,0.3297521482331077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527647253446369,0.0,0.06486079692559588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572007691634206,0.13228870524106695,0.0,0.1639030481970333,0.2407723746718013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177313173673605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379561119638379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044316977342395834
suicidewatch,Jvisinta,2018/01/03,"A lifetime of being used and abused It all started when I was little. I guess I should preface this by saying that I am a 30 year old gay male and an only child.When I was a kid I often stayed over at my grandparents house and my cousins house. Well one time when I was little, my uncle picked me up to bring me over for a sleepover, we went to dinner and then to his house but the rest of his family was at church still when we got there. He took advantage of this and made me preform sexual acts on him and told me that I couldn't tell anyone or I would be in trouble and my parents would be upset and it would tear the family apart. I was so little and confused and scared and embarrassed so I never told anyone. 

Then, in fourth grade, I was being bullied while in a split class of fourth and fifth graders. I stayed after school one day to talk to my teacher because the bullying had been getting worse. This lead to me staying after class several times to talk to him and then before Christmas break, he made me preform sexual acts with him ""in exchange for his help"". I was so depressed and just wanted the bullying to stop and once again didn't want to embarrass my parents or upset them. This situation continued and escalated until almost the end of the year. He got so brave that he even used to rub my shoulders in the computer lab in front of my classmates and no one even asked me about it, though I doubt I'd have had the courage to tell the truth anyways. I just prayed for the school year to end so I could escape.

While these events never truly left me, I at least enjoyed several abuse free years thereafter. Until my second relationship during my freshman year of college. My boyfriend dated me for two months until we finally had sex, before which I had been a virgin. After that he stopped speaking to me other than to let me know he only wanted to date me long enough to take my virginity and to leave him alone.

In another relationship I suffered from gradually increasing physical abuse as he developed a drinking and drug problem. It went from grabbing me violently to hitting and slapping me and ended in him drugging and raping me.

After this I had a couple of normal relationships until my most recent ex. He was a recovering pill and heroin addict with almost a year clean and everything started off great. Until school and full time work took up a ton of my time and he kept complaining about not seeing me and he used this to slowly isolate me from all of my friends. Then the abuse slowly started as he relapsed. I thought I could help him, especially as a nursing student I figured I was the perfect person to help him get clean again and that things would go back to normal once that happened. Well that didn't happen, as several trips down flights of stairs taught me. That relationship ended with me being thrown through a glass door.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm just an object to people for them to own and control and I can't take it anymore. I've suffered so much depression and anxiety from everything and no counseling or medication has ever been able to truly help me. I feel so alone and worthless. And I blame myself. If I had spoken up in the beginning, or if I had had a sibling to turn to, or risked confiding in my parents even though they may have felt like they failed me, if I had gotten out sooner or just done something different maybe things wouldn't have ended up like this. But all I know is that I feel ruined. I don't want a future anymore. I just want to go on to a hopefully better after life so it can all go away.

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suicidewatch,cultmovieaddict,2018/01/03,"Online counseling rejected me! I'm done! I can't do it anymore! It felt like I had only enough strength to reach out one more time for help, and fucking BetterHelp said I needed face-to-face counseling, which I can't afford enough of! I'm fucking done with mental healthcare in this country! Who the fuck REJECTS someone who is begging for help? I hate my life and job and I just want to feel nothing! ",2.4667405063291135,4.8712767341772185,3.347325949367093,88.65238132911396,79.12658227848101,5.975316455696203,27.59651898734177,7.1686216300943375,1.5293911392405066,318,14,61,4,8,101,56,79,0.18,0.6579999999999999,0.162,-0.6781,2,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,0,10,18,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,5,3,8,2,8,13,3,3,0,2,0,3,5,2,3,0,2,38,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530989136478546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824349571683396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861422056232992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447947218223238,0.0,0.17941004546281775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182331441216383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448056885586814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25048985551002506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542469606490655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131981170296268,0.09128788542663642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883058310789574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855057060765189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929235473064453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661774339621928,0.14211160210993276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774183758320247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583215845553357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895661834092253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021188503792537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dummyaccount4now,2018/01/03,I've decided to see if quitting the net helps. I posted last night a rant about the stress of everything going on around the world. I decided to work with r/nosurf to see if that can help my condition. Wish me luck...,2.1606818181818177,4.093416431818183,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,77.86363636363637,8.036363636363637,22.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,1.5217000000000005,169,5,36,4,4,56,35,44,0.11,0.72,0.16899999999999998,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,8,5,0,7,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,2,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467251199707601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24908743741428946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751255827011182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37153991383385176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259168602061568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600895160618089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654361663756213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29478655809502285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417104561354385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174780697414074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31871251767726355,0.0,0.0,0.20177084035776105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ih8yallmore,2018/01/03,"IOP has failed me. For years, I have battled depression. I have battled suicidal ideations. I thought to myself, hospitalization and IOP would do the trick. Would get me out of this state. However, I realized a few days ago, maybe a week, that IOP doesn't give a shit about me. They just care about my insurance copay.

I am tired. I realized that I will never get better. My life is shit. I don't care about my job, I am barely hanging on to my life in general. I am losing friends by the minute. Why the fuck does my life even matter?

I just wish I had a gun, a rope, something, to end this misery. That's what I am right now, miserable. Not just now, for the past week, I have been miserable. But, the fact of the matter is, I don't want to get better anymore. The only way people know how treat me is to hospitalize me or IOP me or PHP me etc... These solutions clearly don't solve the problem.

Maybe this is my farewell note to the world, I don't know. I just need an exit strategy that limits the fallout. I don't want to shoot myself because that's too nuclear. I wish there was a full proof way of OD'ing. That way my family (the last vestige of people who care) would be able to see me at peace. 

I am Humpty Dumpty. Some things can't be repaired. Maybe that's OK and maybe that's why we have suicide.   ",1.1017897271268071,3.2724773370786515,2.7131982343499206,92.59445224719104,82.74531835205994,6.061476725521669,20.77166934189406,7.310402129719878,0.5448770465489567,1007,30,222,15,28,330,137,267,0.182,0.6759999999999999,0.141,-0.9161,2,0,1,2,0,1,46.0,1,0,1,5,13,20,6,2,18,1,31,7,2,1,4,36,48,6,2,9,8,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,4,1,39,8,22,38,4,24,0,5,1,1,5,8,3,3,11,146,54,2,0.1040090855134678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219777875857277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314906475437112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340297315158065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839751678559616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31813258356947144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670772556992261,0.0,0.08958287294674386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910190516376943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212117823278952,0.0,0.1159976239076101,0.06869702004859778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805050925053607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035716146201326,0.09615472357712536,0.16302136309227674,0.09977499223508103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321296850694303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432134665125306,0.08478128660119769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039407903675115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635956219584764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41796442467817496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712141901389917,0.08021821870472004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910359636188573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928844099594147,0.14421360785970816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952264810256843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882319073251327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288177505253724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135276632577081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800712754524339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275381163881024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909901482100414,0.0,0.0,0.08257159597010208,0.0,0.11954314344315953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269450683665545,0.2476727125684732,0.16685962933515786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770404419506886,0.0,0.239210630671194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216552105469576,0.0,0.0,0.06697844099885468
suicidewatch,MeTHthrowaway1997,2018/01/03,My life is coming to an end. I don't know if this is me calling for help or if I'm just here trying to find a shred of a reason to stay alive. I feel like I'm guilting my s/o into staying with me and I feel even more horrible for it. I'm 20 and my life hasn't been horrible. Sure there were shitty times but my life has been somewhat in the middle. Only recently has my life taken a turn for the worst. I've dropped out of college and I'm in debt and back home with nothing to show for it. My mother hounds me to get back into a trade school or anything in those sorts but. I don't see a point to any of it. I told my s/o my plans and they told me not to die on them because it would ruin our plans of being happily married but I don't know if I can live past right now. I want to sleep and never wake up. I wish I was never born. I don't want to eat. I don't want to sleep and I don't want medication that won't help or work. I just want to disappear. I can't even sleep anymore because my dreams are so fucked up and vivid that I can't do this shit I just fucking can't ,-0.2481495227995758,1.1997217601626031,2.252036055143161,97.96671792152705,83.4308943089431,5.2538706256627785,18.4192294096854,6.046907544983943,-0.4576219158713326,827,19,214,6,23,285,122,246,0.16,0.726,0.114,-0.9549,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,2,3,11,8,3,1,8,0,24,13,5,1,3,45,47,18,1,10,13,1,2,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,9,14,1,0,6,2,2,2,14,6,0,0,7,4,33,2,30,37,3,27,0,1,2,2,9,12,3,8,11,138,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863164312403118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467283636341948,0.0,0.0,0.09515276399054076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782303239678754,0.0,0.14097265510800247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807007408679515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960409185294096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000458249240828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831727066914473,0.0,0.0,0.10241291883983283,0.0,0.0,0.15274364643919022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693093092292657,0.08260533661979533,0.0,0.0,0.10568275480435003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379418046274185,0.06041134784931095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500727996787445,0.0,0.11598525291456807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709328105497295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32668855467933405,0.05649045860635884,0.0,0.10210247093248076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648399054824525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836033101796087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094908482120228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794101801083082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110380905287114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930672126202648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888580653699385,0.11416962698462195,0.0,0.0,0.09874648151586522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702265868623382,0.09214129328988012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869144352458548,0.0,0.0,0.3471373323861305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464901265996795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897890592824587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742416378154799,0.0,0.0,0.220976811415224,0.0,0.07850445901764154,0.12577108117657468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410047182365269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296757257406822,0.0,0.0,0.08417924421082522,0.0,0.0,0.08213948020656013,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ghostrider1234567,2018/01/03,"suicide looks like the only way hey my name is aryan and i live in india and also i am a bisexual and had several relationship with men and i was in a very serious relationship with a guy it all came crashing down when i was 12 yrs old something happened i found out when i first time masturbated i thought it was one of the best things ever but after that i started suffering fron severe coginitive dynsfunction and it left me mentally and physically crippled for days like 8-9days but now they don't go away for 2 months and i also have something coital cephalgia its called sex headaches where i feel intense pain in back of my head  at first i thought it was normal and after that i thought it was because i was doing excessive masturbation and then i finally found out that i suffer from post orgasmic illness syndrome it is a very rare syndrome which a person if orgasms can leave him mentally and physically crippled nobody knows what it is they think it happens because i am allergic to my own semen which kind of sucks because its coming out of my own body there are worse things  than deathand having pois is one of them it destroyed my relationship with a guy that i loved and cared abd limited my sexual encounters and also i was unable to even read and write i lost all myfriends and i was even mocked by my teacher and friends too i lost all my frienda.   


looks like my life is nightmare because i am cursed i tried everything to stop masturbating cuttingmyself and religion stuff nothing worked even went to pyschiatrist and now that i think about  my life just plainly is ruined there are somethings worse than death and being me is one of them i can't experience anything i can't feel pleasure i hate myself that does not affect me much people have begun to hate me and yell at me things kind of just sucks i have also suffered from extreme memory  loss this zombie like state that i am in kind of sucks anybody out there other than me suffers should know it cannot be cured there is no cure so far i hate myslelf i just want to die and i feel like a crazy insane person fuck fuck fuck what have i done i am stuck in constant state of pain


2017 was the shittiest year of my life it was a nightmare but now i think 2018 would be hell well we will see i am suffering from. 
post orgasmic illness syndrome i somehow managed to pass 9th grade and 10 and 11 the grade i was in so much pain and i could not tell anyone i seriously think i might have damaged my brain because i am having is that i don't know anything and i have lost the memories  so may be good bye  the only way right now i am trying to make a streak of 90 days which is impossible and i think i am never gonna get there

",3.8070049989132815,5.560364448598134,4.5251293197131055,84.77996957183224,72.73831775700934,7.518800260812867,27.76896326885461,8.20894155585173,1.8313725277113684,2160,82,424,34,43,692,251,535,0.254,0.66,0.087,-0.9988,0,0,3,1,0,2,3.0,1,0,4,9,31,43,12,0,15,0,59,20,6,2,5,79,104,39,3,6,9,0,3,5,1,6,9,1,0,5,32,35,0,2,16,1,0,5,9,28,1,5,24,7,72,15,48,69,8,54,1,11,3,8,22,18,7,4,31,303,104,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479634882369394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04695219120133609,0.0,0.11051592666217368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308876189716614,0.0516334901452846,0.0,0.20466724979787115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046880644227911,0.0,0.0,0.07458747935580667,0.0,0.07496056991211489,0.06856670842515329,0.07680064763139391,0.06846295235460567,0.0,0.0,0.05784297822166435,0.0,0.07256428977883222,0.0,0.05361306861235928,0.0,0.0,0.08661119039403865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696901334320367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876260387146496,0.06871681250871572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305398277498792,0.06074017838357083,0.0,0.0,0.06034925452937071,0.06568467558532018,0.0,0.0,0.10185776254252464,0.047971309192263785,0.0,0.07355852422084018,0.0,0.11423392967602385,0.0,0.14725097918549168,0.051879205092399405,0.18623470021718516,0.035082617721652436,0.0,0.03816236406497309,0.056321454246309265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329762733870959,0.11875940208961945,0.0,0.0,0.19888741482368946,0.06891431856742405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977627041448368,0.11071011870230114,0.0,0.0,0.07110116981758029,0.07295766128488372,0.0,0.14228812242083938,0.16402821942916826,0.0,0.059293859244711575,0.0,0.11277661414231853,0.0,0.21990342713813105,0.0,0.060604657561019036,0.0,0.044822525802341306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534093833221214,0.07123455203880827,0.0,0.0,0.05359774722136462,0.0,0.0987245857862276,0.0,0.05178950257341327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579183173186158,0.06443134391006353,0.0,0.07046165352126453,0.0,0.13650584346668065,0.10213978753205782,0.2143540352716679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046552710443893884,0.11726395613608274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862049513368035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716724172615704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627891478024966,0.0,0.05734493908363991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053509115157151614,0.0,0.0,0.15171867228319255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550839046189008,0.0,0.0,0.04752845752606781,0.0,0.0,0.056139629452041616,0.0,0.0,0.07686962014375183,0.07345018410099566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058691247099685075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383257557982214,0.21513206422697725,0.0,0.15992658342584798,0.03915516285202552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117962181644858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081003072534534,0.03960626139649467,0.10659961283977383,0.0,0.0,0.06037507841960326,0.06224786084476312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888532287199563,0.0,0.13686127854823169,0.04770077289336383,0.0,0.0,0.043241799662017306
suicidewatch,ilurvemyself,2018/01/03,"I just feel like im drowning in a puddle of sadness and stress. Suffocated by life My sadness comes from every expect of my life. School. Friends. Studies. 
Im currently im a junior college ( slightly before uni ) and will be 17 this year. I get overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and diasappointment constantly. I think about comitting suicide all the time just because i feel like i cant handle all my emotions. I dont even know where these feelings come from. Out of nowhere. And i dunno whats wrong with me. On days when something upsetting happens, i feel worst. And i start crying. Ive read reddit for a long time but havent really created an acct cos i didny feel the need to. But now i feel like i cant hold it in anymore and i need some kind of platform to say this.
School. I hate school. Really hate it. Im ofter jealous of the more sociable people at school gor being an extrovert ( im an introvert; prefers to be isolated ). Ever since ive changed into a new class, i feel like the biggest loser in class. Nobody takes the initiative to talk to me and even when i do, im just met with friendly smiles but nothing more. Even though i prefer to be alone, i cant help but just feel the need to conform. To have friends and be friendly. Because if ur neither of those, lots of ppl see you as a loser. ( as how i do ) the ppl in class segregrated into cliques immmediately so i wasnt even able to try and talk to them. Ps. My school offers education from 13 y/o to 18 y/o so as you can see many already knew each other but i however was unlucky enough to be put in a class where i didnt know anybody.

Studies. Yes i do get As all the time but its really stressful you know? Always constantly reminding myself of all the work thats undone. ( i get stress by just thinking of the forms that i have yet to let my parents sign or it could even be as minor as thinking about the unwashed dishes ) but i get stressed out all the time especially if i feel that i didnt use my time productively and instead used it on daydreaming. I get so stressed to the point i feel like heart litwrally sinking. Is some thing wrong with me?

Friends. I have a couple of friends that im 'close' with but not one have i found that im even comfortable enough to voice my auiciddal thought. Noone close enough that i think would really stick up for me in any sort of situations.

My family. I love them to pieces. Especially my sister. But im selfish by nature. And honestly, i would rather end my pain and sorrowness and have my parents mourn for me than being alive and having to deal with all this bullshit 

Singapore. Fuckinh womderful country. Yea . The whole education system gives me so much more added on stress bc they fucking insist on everybody having leadership skills. Meaming we have to be proa tive enough to want to joim council, to want to organise events, to want to be a leader. NO. IM A FOLLOWER NOT A LEADER. i cant help it. I cany ever lead and nor do i want to. Ive refuse to take up leadership opportunities since secondary 1. But finally ehen i do , i get rej over and over again. Im jist not leader material. 
I will probably try to do it this weekend while i research on painless methods to die. I hate medication and dont want to go to a doctor nor do u want to get therapy. Im a loser, a follower and a nobody. Nobody gets me.
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suicidewatch,changeIsTheWay,2018/01/03,"Even plastic surgery seems hopeless... I was under the hope that plastic surgery can have some effect on my subhuman looks. But I don't think so. I don't think any girl will want to be with me.

Its over...",0.8207317073170728,3.2499291219512223,1.4226341463414656,99.46809756097562,87.04878048780488,4.255609756097561,22.83414634146341,5.6839178017228535,0.07457658536585399,158,6,35,1,5,48,34,41,0.0,0.89,0.11,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,13,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,5,10,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923881027939224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28398506772734283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270481108337449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610588018935345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39142018394764666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510030670766751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536020325854857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nohope9,2018/01/03,I hate myself I hate life I hate everybody Im so done with life idc about anything anymore. Once we die its all over anyway.,-1.0769230769230766,0.6718497692307714,0.9610769230769236,97.43392307692308,109.0,3.6184615384615375,16.73846153846154,5.6839178017228535,-0.4059446153846156,98,3,21,1,5,32,20,26,0.455,0.545,0.0,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415673396985395,0.0,0.0,0.2004467735437506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527990818370698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492683864052937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7214587400009763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26310975780139445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440975542531453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594062877244992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buffybot93,2018/01/03,"My brother is suicidal, but says he's not depressed, just realistic It feels like it's just a matter of time before he kills himself. He says he's living day to day but he can't keep it up. He has a plan, he has the means, he has the intention. He talked about how hard it is to stay alive. My mom won't consider committing him and he lives across the country from us. I feel trapped and scared and this whole situation makes me want to die because life like this is hell. And if he kills himself I have no idea how I could continue to exist.",1.8929203539822976,3.643302407079649,3.3320442477876107,91.30001327433628,78.02654867256638,6.99787610619469,23.689380530973448,7.908726449838941,1.0418821238938047,424,14,96,7,10,139,72,113,0.27,0.616,0.114,-0.9779,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,1,5,7,3,1,5,0,10,1,0,4,1,23,16,9,4,3,6,2,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,5,10,2,9,14,1,7,1,1,0,0,20,2,1,1,6,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572694878589664,0.0,0.1475840158864452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384771174927038,0.0,0.0,0.2237079185878452,0.0,0.14938296028311332,0.0,0.18000254499750182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539217851439462,0.12390502523417507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536748899595054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957917869496476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416076248233013,0.38376963612665466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250526197104965,0.169467300431863,0.0,0.3063000468260062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577203716370947,0.0,0.0,0.1889261740392206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031299376342368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758516844649792,0.1736429324892618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495296868255652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848631493197586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971437444021935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394038885639387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113381358395047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086260465395947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229895536299877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936387137171941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Morsara,2018/01/03,"Done I shouldn't really post this from my main, but whatever. The ropes are around my neck, I checked the shower frame will hold my weight.

If you see this Travis, I'm sorry. ",2.7050476190476154,4.510564457142864,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,75.85714285714286,6.9523809523809526,17.38095238095238,7.793537801064563,0.02623809523809495,136,2,31,2,3,41,29,35,0.046,0.954,0.0,-0.1154,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34814516413255203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002118275192175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745476655174301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505366180473786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116410669261431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377833626059015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476231519230171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,microquaser,2018/01/03,"when you realise people who you thought were friends actually hate you :( don't really have much else to live for tbh, happened so much before, guess I'm just a shit person",6.373636363636365,6.816318030303034,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,65.66666666666667,9.024242424242424,31.65151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.4453151515151514,137,5,26,2,2,43,30,33,0.253,0.67,0.077,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.27915714234091793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434193451841637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23896971676207324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101229211043236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151316834373732,0.0,0.2529653993227494,0.0,0.0,0.2824289188947877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25259970187297565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205798248721399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983207186932323,0.24978000030468664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325988644178706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29364052579109273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271028164328041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpiritualInkedAddict,2018/01/03,"Daily thoughts of suicide Everyday suicide seems like the best option to end my pain. 

Years of therapy have helped understand why I hurt but have not resolved the pain. I’m 53 years old, I have a job that pays well. I am 5 years and almost one month sober. I suffer from PTSD,  ADHD, depressive disorder, and other behavioral addictions. I constantly need approval from others in order to maintain any self esteem. I battle internal fits of rage triggered by mistakes made at work or fabricated memories of my neglectful, spiteful Mother and distant older brother. 

I have few meaningful friendships in my life. I’ve never had a meaningful relationship with a woman. Almost every sexual encounter has been a rare one-stand, or more usually a paid escort. This habit can be expensive so my sexual outlet had mainly been masturbating to porn. And, I suffer from erectile dysfunction that is physical in nature. I assume years of chronic masturbation have damaged me. 

This is no way for a man of my age to live and I’d just as soon end my life. 

I recently had major surgery. My surgeon wrote me prescriptions for a hydrocodone/tylenol pain killer and a muscle relaxer. I have barely used them. I have 76 of the hydrocodone tablets and a dozen of the muscle relaxants. 

I have had daily thoughts of taking them all once.

I think this would let me sleep and not wake up.",5.116643717728053,7.442990016064261,5.762799770510617,74.86506024096389,70.52610441767071,9.080206540447504,31.1342512908778,9.606745405546679,3.3946227194492256,1090,48,176,27,21,353,156,249,0.251,0.66,0.08900000000000001,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,2,4,4,19,3,0,13,0,22,11,2,3,2,37,34,13,2,3,6,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,3,7,9,0,1,9,2,3,0,4,13,1,2,11,0,26,6,26,20,6,24,0,6,0,1,10,6,0,7,17,120,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236974837068527,0.14592768299630832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431765781966393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257227515465236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742667474029198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121587576456895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045820490074861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391620720336389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509070338247369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230469846062673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138774203339696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998657488806886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049427949266928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416395297803567,0.1715302908290207,0.059321483137507985,0.0,0.1072193456584413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148940343839751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691923344243787,0.0,0.0,0.09003412993500827,0.0936494377095684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741374032312816,0.12931227039040555,0.1645596739301072,0.0,0.38761011163435993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193779950681612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989124834652093,0.13036360492099588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105395699112609,0.1266713935047008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151138391375076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563562494047643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912955059023062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885857532505694,0.0,0.0,0.07780339971250412,0.0,0.19279369844513208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264063468313949,0.0,0.10487108503594812,0.13373104342177006,0.0,0.0,0.0963804758343768,0.0,0.0,0.10917448256337443,0.0,0.10956599684284607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839789478038558,0.0,0.0,0.08625590781535344,0.0,0.0,0.3127715094893859
suicidewatch,fearIsForTheWinter,2018/01/03,"This is so much pain... Hello, i am a regular reddit user but I created another account for writing this post because is very personal. Also I am not a native English speaker so I hope you understand what I am saying. I am suffer from borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed 5 or 6 years ago. 3 years ago I was quite aggressive with my sister I didn´t hit her but as I say I was aggressive. She hasn´t spoke to me since then. She had two children in that time and I have never met them. She doesn´t want to see me, she doesn´t even answer sms or calls. I came across her in the street 3 times since then and she didn´t talked to me either. I cope with it but in christmas is worst. This last week has been terrible, her second child is a newborn and I thought she would call me or something but nothing happened. Yesterday I tried to kill myself. I have tried before but the last time was 3 or 4 years ago and after that I stopped. The thing is I don´t want to die but I don´t want to keep living, I miss my sister and it seems that she would never talk to me again. By the way, im a 29 spanish girl trying to get a job in programming, job sucks here, except in fields like coding, and I was kind of happy with my progress because I am very close to finish my programming studies and to the  job thing, but today I would gladly  stay in the bed and never get up. I don´t even know what to say, I just wanted to say something to you guys. I hope the message is ok. ",2.268630769230768,4.017597873333333,3.8566666666666656,87.96346153846157,76.93333333333334,6.615384615384617,23.538461538461537,7.468242284971852,0.9948307692307696,1142,36,237,15,26,380,156,300,0.134,0.757,0.109,-0.8921,3,1,2,0,0,2,30.0,0,2,1,2,8,16,4,0,12,1,24,2,0,0,3,48,45,25,2,9,15,2,0,1,0,3,2,6,1,7,12,13,0,2,5,0,1,1,4,9,0,2,11,7,50,7,31,30,3,37,0,2,1,0,35,10,1,7,24,167,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25214138417821197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582293608335043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942102729374254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559579581134682,0.0,0.08067995890043031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936319375571298,0.10844226409630182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096234486473549,0.09840224122607798,0.0,0.1086653657651006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524785996077115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990730837172234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938810322693874,0.08384394430586177,0.10093155164193973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834392389099164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241567994615733,0.0,0.2822655935413523,0.0842752780945008,0.10489793994274732,0.09873446999478028,0.052107442236117706,0.1545725666704164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632146222504757,0.0,0.08372273596395527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969939665099795,0.0,0.21937982642166373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097684756396036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088906634660677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557632380027162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908058599220859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084664522848157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016004467905669,0.0,0.0,0.07555469616976647,0.08631534886186892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686268499990713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598531184689253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105939454038178,0.0,0.07926897377904739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241623467615273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125980773628987,0.0,0.0,0.07527193815310056,0.16586088692033574,0.0,0.08987283998245485,0.0,0.0,0.19311799315827166,0.0,0.09261976305178313,0.09870499707810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564634021591925,0.22369564792420674,0.07525915291506552,0.07605428690098841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020600074830121,0.0,0.0,0.1831718404818905
suicidewatch,TiedOpossum,2018/01/03,"I want to die, I'm so sorry I never thought I would feel like this. I don't actually want to stop living, but right now I want to die to make this all stop. I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm not real.

I'm so sorry. ",-1.2890566037735844,-0.0649791509433939,2.347773584905664,97.10996226415094,85.79245283018868,4.994716981132076,16.260377358490565,5.6839178017228535,-0.8415479245283022,167,3,46,1,5,62,27,53,0.284,0.5539999999999999,0.162,-0.8242,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,15,14,3,2,4,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,4,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.19071355251846714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381614359926072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056553605983269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763269853315216,0.27923348357108874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095651916273315,0.0,0.1725701377558473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045245411252174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072929485860476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224445320550571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689795812450914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375405042708466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267799975075875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515126908684118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34581277415148776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882936705629215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Asdfghjkl1234554321,2018/01/03,Guess im done Well I've tried to look for a better way to do this but I guess there isn't one. (Don't know if my method will work effectively) I'm going to fuck with this today and really have noone to tell so wish me luck reddit hopefully I don't come back here,-0.6907990314769954,1.3181484915254238,1.6971428571428575,97.90711864406781,89.50847457627121,5.405326876513318,11.818401937046005,6.868970318607317,-0.9242174334140438,207,2,52,3,7,70,46,59,0.073,0.6779999999999999,0.249,0.8868,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,12,17,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,1,1,4,4,6,15,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,3,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810720795934035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485565240062836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952653446678573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703529591657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413584082408327,0.0,0.0,0.13163921504463616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103274899074023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005831680578906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25019738843892997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729638637914653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945087172247893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695675152938568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838647264602753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245259662214196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955573469825648,0.0,0.0,0.15725983096263058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385508474263645,0.0,0.0,0.20826089070068016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663601309807164,0.0,0.0,0.16862753887879825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,haveyouseenlau,2018/01/03,"I just want to die.. I..i have no job, I don't know what to do with my life, I stay indoors every single day doing nothing my parents think I'm just a good for nothing lazy peice of shit, and they always look to my sibling due to her success in life. I've tried getting a job but I'm always so insecure so whenever they interview me I stutter and look to the ground, they always say they'll ""call me back"" and they never do..  I want to eventually become an animator one day it's my dream but  with my skills I could never become one, and my mother wants me to attend university immediately but I am unprepared and scared. Staying home all day keeps me to my thoughts more often and I've cried myself to sleep so many times because I've been thinking on how much of a useless peice of trash I am, I've had nights where I have held a knife to my throat or chest willing to end it all.. I'm tired of living a life where I know I'm set up for only failure I'm tired of being a waste of space and a useless shit I just want to die.. I'm too scared though I fucking hate myself",2.4998792704854864,3.468067947598257,4.400647315694837,87.50471101977912,74.76419213973799,6.785615206781403,24.387618802979713,7.048011613610866,0.8275006935525302,836,25,185,8,17,286,119,229,0.231,0.718,0.051,-0.9942,3,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,5,2,13,12,4,3,9,0,14,11,5,1,4,34,36,16,2,5,7,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,3,9,0,2,5,1,0,1,4,10,0,2,4,3,32,2,25,28,5,21,0,2,2,1,11,7,3,2,10,116,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726931057705764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399999146620456,0.0,0.06659262113817338,0.2412973686062518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154781337408012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722047053653409,0.0,0.11999668822291153,0.2113552434719972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267509167828102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675556864174216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204069835299512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099203175391884,0.05707418927016013,0.0,0.0,0.09162661022414467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785339192913418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957815895625568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681071933005167,0.09709888886651727,0.0,0.0,0.12007257305350648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314815642998773,0.0,0.0,0.09646227006037406,0.0,0.18347073960886096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075376261184648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803050921041122,0.0,0.16850760086001987,0.0,0.0,0.10251577320752883,0.0,0.20964038353296155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804977227020938,0.08308310417242194,0.0,0.0,0.12129978827506928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687324719406693,0.21873965246070373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242697159933663,0.0,0.0,0.10932042028905267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328738662455832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999511951119492,0.10732924598604818,0.08672557033035995,0.06369961310330602,0.2511141312551579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416782627827939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25773393275973605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StoneWall_StoneFence,2018/01/03,"I don't know why I'm writing this, but think I want to end my life by the end of the month. 2017 has been the shittiest year of my life. And I think I'm ready to die. The only hard part is thinking about the pain it would cause my family, and my few friends that care. For anyone curious how, I'm going to hang myself in a remote, peaceful place. I'm just not right for the world, it's an unfair place. ",2.495378787878785,2.8949929318181837,3.941363636363637,92.9278787878788,74.22727272727272,7.2303030303030305,21.484848484848484,7.1686216300943375,0.2971530303030305,310,6,76,3,6,103,61,88,0.199,0.614,0.187,-0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,0,5,3,0,2,0,14,16,4,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,8,2,10,14,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686572202119476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956962957352067,0.2010785506362394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031468646272186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467344817594779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184525931840158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122797639857188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124336006792393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534428890974452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757339855391344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765134222974477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623752980356764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886883242276364,0.2082807997878108,0.0,0.0,0.2119669779805315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090125689936783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716060083944426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762662131027112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545232339310207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766245985360444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904783900337958,0.0,0.0,0.12604992399309875
suicidewatch,TA33sorry,2018/01/03,"Cant stop hurting people, cant die without hurting more people Im sorry if this is not the right place to post this but im not used to the internet and all and this is all i could find. 

so long story short my entire life i have hurt people unintentionally, this results in an extreme decrease in their mental health mimicking my own. 

Basically my head makes other people who are close to me sick in the same way i get sick.

I have now come to terms with what i am as a person and i understand that i need to die for other people to stop becoming sick.

I have no issue with doing this but i have a few people i am close with and a couple of family members whom would suffer even more following my death.

I dont know what to do all i want is to not have an effect on other people but i dont know how to acheive this without causing more harm.

I just want to be a good person for once or moreso not be a bad person i need this to wnd if anyone knows what to do in this situation any help would be very much appreciated.",5.032007751937981,4.3989801348837245,6.4905232558139545,80.44028100775195,68.58139534883722,9.027131782945737,26.75387596899225,8.344100000000001,1.5508527131782943,799,19,172,10,12,275,112,215,0.13699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.154,-0.2866,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,0,10,0,24,6,1,6,3,47,37,13,3,9,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,17,10,0,2,6,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,0,0,21,1,26,31,11,19,0,4,0,0,7,10,0,3,5,128,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932063078891912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127669507432162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511310666363782,0.0,0.11258136747266127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047173414060996,0.0,0.08780966799221238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138837071725577,0.11279131130823268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158894881066667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389387242132474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732840304165247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960970970878979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316853795096733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053257856167617065,0.0,0.0,0.08549988866850386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461673342830416,0.10835422547804616,0.0,0.0,0.06832619793597908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273768834074925,0.0,0.22021882623334232,0.1063957059031226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806566787369276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200109199730892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021100498232894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804371473047423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272848343980104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493539723470256,0.15116993368383966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855953932989243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946917883075781,0.26702227406851103,0.10650243074453937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762743311211773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705360990700345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145814180339324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411008500443233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044773194417856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611997406712456,0.0,0.08804080731207395,0.0,0.08410867064029483,0.12025012440788893,0.08091281689964118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652719048758813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482618839876468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BonglordFourTwenny,2018/01/03,"Blowing head off if I don’t follow/peruse my dreams Which sucks because my dreams seem extremely far fetched, So Im at an impasse and I don’t know what to do about it, please don’t tell me the answer is to “just don’t kill yourself” 
My mind is not that simple.",5.145297619047618,4.138617696428572,5.5971428571428605,88.18119047619051,68.46428571428572,8.180952380952384,29.380952380952376,6.42735559955562,1.2367809523809523,205,6,47,1,3,66,42,56,0.124,0.743,0.133,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,0,7,1,1,0,0,8,10,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164056106331156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643339421836405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834625230371633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39275654599953613,0.0,0.19509953240929145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584503009347488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896850262722945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231800195908095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102869457612298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoshJoker,2018/01/03,"Friend believes that she is supposed to be dead. So my friend overdosed on New Year's at 3am on pills in her home. She survived and believes that she is meant to be dead. She needs support and right now I'm the only person other than her family who knows. I told her best friend (despite also seeing me as a best friend) about it to help provide support as I have other priorities which restrict me from constantly being there for her. 

After I told her best friend about it, she felt that I broke her trust and has begun shutting me out along with the best friend. The reason she does not seek help from her family is because she is afraid of what they think and she can't bear seeing them suffer from it. That is why she chose to come to me for support and she felt that I have become unreliable. It may have been a bad move in telling the best friend, but at the time I only did it because I had good intentions. 

I think that I should continue to try providing support to her despite her not wanting it. She has had many failed relationships and after binge watching ' Sex and The City' has begun thinking that love is dead. To add to this she has been suffering with Insomnia for the past year and the pressures of Varsity, work, and relationships has become too much for her to deal with. This is her motives for her attempt. 

Any advice on how I could help her would be greatly appreciated. 

Edit: She isn't the type of person who would ask for help. I told her sister, who lives with her, that I'll help in anyway I can. ",5.689716703458426,5.818831798013246,5.840088300220753,83.07509197939663,67.11258278145695,8.5654157468727,28.698307579102288,8.167268648758528,1.7421980868285507,1201,36,243,14,18,381,144,302,0.08900000000000001,0.713,0.198,0.9856,0,0,0,2,0,2,25.0,0,0,2,10,9,27,0,2,11,0,32,4,0,4,0,39,54,15,3,6,3,1,2,0,7,4,2,0,1,2,23,17,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,11,5,47,20,43,34,6,25,0,4,3,2,57,11,0,1,12,181,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765074516982473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354687712012358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054037858047133874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742875812790155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634864575663134,0.09688034005899658,0.17552223299192354,0.0,0.17905615056206214,0.4169598420376232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845070969676781,0.0,0.08587173908937187,0.0,0.06344508371394686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819233082092194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953898402702396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982210150365652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259471072122366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297527481087075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665015586749255,0.0,0.08760871328907867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663133141566137,0.0,0.07970830041885348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367102356973503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016766547543755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171884900331077,0.0,0.0,0.08056344682983434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445705155559803,0.058414765018579916,0.058921127263514214,0.0,0.07674627689875799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087104018146565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585683643429128,0.0,0.13876880593190447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170164175930476,0.0,0.1706279732280456,0.0,0.06786133595595012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664413280093767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606966395917411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945454125073251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275087411752747,0.0,0.0,0.04633576568693746,0.0,0.0,0.2277921411637411,0.0,0.053950453582291474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046869590473651634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170338679777609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057850324226397576,0.0,0.0,0.11289708303477974,0.0,0.0,0.10234368860080356
suicidewatch,Fire_dem_spicy_memes,2018/01/03,"Half of my story? My story is yet to be written, i am a 13 year old boy with a mentality of an adult, i hate it. I have to seclude myself from basically everyone in my life, because everyone at my age acts as if they are 5 years of age and everyone fears that i will kill myself. My only real friend which accepts me for who i am is a 40 year old woman born in California, and i'm quite far away, i live in Iceland. My existence is pain but nobody does or says anything to help, my mother has gotten me an appointment with a therapist. But i fear it might be to late.",5.722249999999999,4.132289391666672,7.648333333333337,75.85000000000005,67.58333333333334,11.0,32.5,10.125756701596842,2.9527499999999987,437,15,95,9,6,157,80,120,0.113,0.826,0.061,-0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,1,7,2,2,6,0,12,2,0,0,0,11,16,7,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,19,2,17,10,0,17,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,3,10,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319407914669504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206947630425574,0.0,0.0,0.09866619840828607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164168273857822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639823638567598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36426704247876457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250499029025426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597997493597154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084889763076532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907019684180667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258114182831225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114324007478659,0.0,0.0,0.1429222234238609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311324708078126,0.17170413077636282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33968226442535165,0.0,0.0,0.12309913471709512,0.17222668986381814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721542732083807,0.0,0.18422809139069496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871475694336967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879278302684637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312690769226455
suicidewatch,cancerickandmortyfan,2018/01/03,"Anyone know a painless way of suicide? Too much of a coward to jump off a building or hang myself, I just need a method of painless suicide.",4.07357142857143,5.1852335000000025,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,71.14285714285714,5.6000000000000005,31.857142857142854,3.1291,1.446157142857143,110,5,20,0,2,36,21,28,0.349,0.523,0.128,-0.8625,0,0,1,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588453724238119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034466775199627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27213215742842123,0.2744911064049418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8098552920221856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938394969408821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tricermetops,2018/01/03,Pls donate my body to science I'm not sure if anyone I know will go through my reddit account. Please donate my body to science if I decide to end it all,1.34,3.0688969393939445,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,79.60606060606061,4.4,23.12121212121212,3.1291,0.05904848484848513,121,4,25,0,3,41,23,33,0.06,0.8290000000000001,0.111,0.1625,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,7,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340265679572744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7435415199845571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964404803492316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021491561415196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839396519106064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673946687731155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154461330393975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAway__1801,2018/01/03,"I am a good person and I still want to die. I feel like I have no place in this world. For years and years I have been losing interest in absolutely everything. I still go to work every day at my dead-end job, I still attempt to spend time with friends, though most of the time we just end up at bars, my favorite place to be... Other than that my life is pretty much sleeping, eating, and going online.

I still try to do good things, complimenting the cashier, tipping the waiter, giving people gifts, feeding the local homeless, and talking with them about their issues and letting them know I'm here. Some of my friends might tell me the same thing but for some reason it doesn't seem like their emotions are real. It seems more like they just try to find something comforting to say so that I don't go off the deep end.

No matter what I do, I feel hopeless. Every job around me in this small shitty town seems either unattainable, unreliable, or just plain shitty, and I'm too poor to be able to move. I even had to move back in with my parents because I couldn't make rent. 

It's like I wasn't supposed to be born on this Earth. I am nothing but constant failure. What I don't get is that a few people tell me that they'd be devistated if I died, but they don't give two shits that I've been locked in a mental prison for nearly a decade.

I just want to end it all and get it over with and quit living with the never ending cascade of anxiety, depression, and thoughts of suicide. What's the point of living if you forgot what it's like to be alive? I just want it to end.",5.109050664043289,5.0331460404984405,5.372156091162483,86.63824397442205,68.34579439252336,7.87939006394491,27.17511067388096,7.0608816371341465,1.136342056074766,1233,33,264,9,19,391,170,321,0.141,0.711,0.14800000000000002,-0.8613,4,0,1,0,0,4,37.0,1,1,7,4,17,16,1,0,12,0,26,6,2,2,2,52,47,17,3,6,12,1,2,5,2,1,1,1,1,1,22,16,3,1,9,1,3,5,9,4,0,1,6,3,36,12,42,32,9,44,0,3,0,0,19,21,1,10,23,180,58,3,0.08493754065255482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497698611493219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561241898511968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531172588032193,0.0,0.05177713642004765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917873068312844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054777687013478224,0.0,0.07315657930384795,0.0,0.17630351457819904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691230876783355,0.0,0.09554330095369867,0.4513767013226339,0.0,0.0,0.056100444535988135,0.0,0.1431270826517342,0.0,0.07633638473427876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589394528295091,0.06067939601350826,0.0,0.0,0.07763137338314424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124506642296882,0.0,0.08875271864650197,0.16295965717299152,0.1448158852177181,0.14248315853008345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865272497541385,0.1685748060402698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667945103405547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685439001168081,0.059993896864399335,0.20748096000970195,0.0,0.1500028090481757,0.0,0.0,0.09502338180873184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566964679363926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855970634550088,0.09010530806411228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805503274396532,0.06243886541831292,0.0,0.0655090675845374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149986103426562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431308721441677,0.0,0.0,0.1177699921094822,0.07416418430414161,0.17748330389585032,0.0,0.0802934301560274,0.0,0.0,0.08641201444071148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034152965252898,0.0,0.09667751645673968,0.0,0.08732993811824569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754574147016533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319718409374695,0.0,0.0,0.08718716489459079,0.0,0.0,0.08499888152861025,0.0,0.0,0.06538906846712321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713249187336975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290788355320014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826957779966696,0.1484783086079622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285745570083985,0.0,0.08345070243968625,0.06743091966277052,0.0990555260082258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153340293129721,0.0,0.08297163531018195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150295086398017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061835541196286724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939398278717324
suicidewatch,xRudeAwakening,2018/01/03,"I keep falling for it.. ""Just wait, things will get better!""  
...  
  
I fell for it again. Got rid of my gun and tried to give life another go, but every day that passes is worse than the last. I'm so  sick of hearing ""advice"" from people who have absolutely no idea what it's like to be so fucked in the head.  
  
These people don't understand that I deserve to die, I'm a degenerate piece of shit. I see happy people all around me and it infuriates me more than anything.  
  
Why can't I move on? Why is my goddamn brain so attached to one person that doesn't even care whether I live or die?  
  
I'm just sick of having to cry myself to sleep every night. Now I've got to go out and buy another gun, for fucks sake. Fuck this world and everyone in it.",1.380779220779221,3.1198047402597453,3.1818181818181834,91.84272727272727,79.51948051948051,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.2836805194805199,566,14,129,7,14,189,102,154,0.3670000000000001,0.5920000000000001,0.041,-0.9972,0,0,0,2,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,0,3,0,9,10,4,0,1,16,27,10,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,13,6,0,2,2,0,1,6,4,4,0,1,2,2,11,4,22,23,3,17,0,0,1,3,4,6,4,1,6,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945633073887916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778302456576757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901841131348344,0.11793383709423605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171663532683406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788967508642592,0.0,0.0,0.135070528293085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552126966389725,0.08543758953033798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749832665914105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750071450727541,0.0,0.22323748235782173,0.1265887605745316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674223573437128,0.06921448092136158,0.12708532487073504,0.15058102222850447,0.0,0.2119101105822438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102568918564884,0.0,0.0,0.13596102849388342,0.0,0.1493127521726411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955195535688345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775286301702576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798755388811536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357339117595047,0.06472224025197587,0.0,0.11698082856896015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080354252235627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243219767034148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897707726491161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27553146527614336,0.11567500348947722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556810952786463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598714390304714,0.0,0.0,0.13257404513615856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801274297355915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994411769245664,0.0,0.0,0.13791465614626933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23908224798331676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500677783093826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingitawayxxxx,2018/01/03,"To everyone I've ever loved. Happy new year, it's 2018. I hope this next year is good for you. Better than the last, it was really awful for me. It ruined me you know, degraded to the point where I'm standing here in 2018 ready for what's to come.

To my love, you probably won't see this, but I want you to know I do love you. A selfish kind of love. I know I'm a cheater, a whore, a liar, I know it all too well. I just wasn't patient enough. I'm sorry.

To my ma and pa, I love you guys. I know you love me too. You've only ever wanted my happiness and success, I suppose I couldn't give you success but at least I'll go somewhat happily. This is better than breathing. I'm sorry.

To my friends, you have all tried you best. I commend you, for all the laughs and joyous moments you've all blessed with me. You hold my heart, I will always be grateful for the hours and days, for the gifts and jokes. I'm sorry.

To the stranger reading this, I am one of billions. I will die mediocre. Travis is right, I am mediocre. I could've been great, I could've been. The short term gratification has blinded me. I'm selfish, a liar. I will die mediocre. I'm sorry.

I never tried my best, I tried my best to get away, to take shorts cuts. It may be a new year, but I am still the same as I was, I never change not once in those fights, now it doesn't even matter anymore. I'm sorry.



Keep a noose in my closet,

Wondering when I'll just lose it,

Forget all my sorrow,

There is no tomorrow

They new years a lie,

Time to say my good byes,

Thanks for the memories,

I hope you'll remember me. ",-0.15948308270676392,1.887482494047621,1.9411591478696728,96.89419172932331,87.15476190476191,4.846365914786968,18.663533834586467,6.202715092499727,-0.25320714285714274,1202,33,284,11,38,401,156,336,0.168,0.523,0.309,0.9971,0,0,0,0,1,0,60.0,0,13,1,11,14,38,4,0,17,1,25,10,2,0,9,41,57,10,2,5,6,2,0,0,1,6,1,1,1,1,13,7,0,2,7,2,0,2,8,11,1,2,5,3,54,27,29,43,13,35,1,3,2,7,28,10,0,5,23,177,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624528342524902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895576382790725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480003886204684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506501618641514,0.1408243490915349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842211288928239,0.06858047120863486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713071219418534,0.0,0.0,0.051344488404465226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525366902949884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226261579087543,0.0,0.05258434192839584,0.14403096738478988,0.0,0.07607465502226876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150963246622033,0.0,0.04159506527072629,0.07637306980537116,0.04524651030211119,0.1335530081651566,0.0,0.08777479248883391,0.0,0.07883044553400663,0.0,0.1695013144197637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943430554722655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814946933419344,0.07840382124824245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076464285808773,0.0,0.08290580185482793,0.2187690520553688,0.06489609244495466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906777908002995,0.0,0.0,0.4311288354183624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280655662419634,0.2306752927708675,0.08467046592488141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478638550480154,0.05394855380026535,0.060550087266035835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526102904977537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583743220407569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963561401890051,0.0,0.05100281144183255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901872207054886,0.06798998019630892,0.0,0.06331230339887428,0.0,0.0,0.0634421055805894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456071625253949,0.0,0.0,0.06357989860149181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985987203626687,0.0,0.0,0.07329793854328996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464236040605013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215818119272946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391688162995193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158260958499336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633806206987628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205075401571894
suicidewatch,PlayaPianee,2018/01/03,"My life is ruined Have a bf but i can't go out because of agoraphobia due to feeling ugly as fuck and scared of judgment. I was hot when I met him but idk life's a bitch. I have no. Friend group or people I Hang with... I'm rotting away in my apartment. The worlds moving on and I'm not. I'm scared cause everyday is. Long nightmare going through the motions of depression, apathy and panic. I try hanging and cutting but Ima pussy. Life's unfair.",-1.0053723404255308,0.9935738617021316,1.6395478723404262,93.77187500000002,102.93617021276596,4.052127659574468,19.70478723404256,5.985473137389443,0.15017234042553218,349,13,74,4,16,119,66,94,0.404,0.544,0.052000000000000005,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,3,4,0,6,4,0,1,0,13,14,10,0,0,5,0,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,8,0,0,2,2,9,1,11,12,0,16,0,2,0,1,5,6,2,1,4,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679582244895532,0.0,0.0,0.1406621509568358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370422840425731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198743354944196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166733806950222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827572768566205,0.21332328076607296,0.0,0.0,0.2622793935169596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889534934165374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042051715566341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24524915020009966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707336608486455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997196401417074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620390290814925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666309266381087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saturncadets,2018/01/03,"I got offered a temp job The good thing is the gig requires me to spend the month on a rather remote island. Also the paycheck is pretty good so I will have the resources and time to off myself. 
Hope I don't fail pathetically like the last couple of times.
Deep enough into the mountains, and I won't be discovered until the snow thaws. The locals do not know me, so it would be easier to just disappear too.
Hope 2018 is my last year. I've never meant to stay alive this long.",2.1676517754868283,4.18536718556701,3.4545704467353966,89.49143184421537,78.17525773195877,5.9605956471935855,19.02520045819015,6.937597516519254,0.1651887743413516,375,8,78,4,9,122,70,97,0.038,0.7240000000000001,0.239,0.9656,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,11,0,11,0,0,0,1,13,16,6,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,8,5,9,9,1,16,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,10,53,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278404130741454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390675774345401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324894762260936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624437204926824,0.1728038569318688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291949904156712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144073745728604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187415697257083,0.3522373852051203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555657504101762,0.0,0.0,0.19120733830396086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245796626612067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663969571065634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981188746981745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23029246165794284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435414422010937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519740139968948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348365759731974,0.0,0.0,0.13913631102066049
suicidewatch,webtoad,2018/01/03,My five year plan failed As per title. My Lifeline 5 year plan has now come to an end wthout success. This is no ones fault  bar my own/,0.4567816091954029,2.427558586206896,1.2006896551724149,103.67160919540231,83.82758620689657,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-1.2959747126436785,105,2,26,0,3,32,25,29,0.228,0.669,0.103,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,14,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512264403795388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46395098792933703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549554773524622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6746486414418164
suicidewatch,NoUserNamesLeft77,2018/01/03,"Advice I know this isn't what this sub is about but I really can't find a better place. 
Is there any subreddit dedicated to ""tips and tricks"" or ""death hacks""?  I'm not joking.
In case I really commit to this (and I hope I do) there are a couple of things I want to happen:
I don't want anyone to find my body for at least 6 months, I don't really want it to be painful, I don't want to risk surviving and having permanent damage (like a bullet in the brain just making me blind or something) and I want it to be fairly quick, so I can't stop myself. 
I'd be glad if someone could help me, this isn't about prevention. 
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suicidewatch,BrunesDunes,2018/01/03,"I don't know what this is... I'm not freaking out, I'm not overwhelmed. I'm steady. I have a good life, a good wife, good friends. 

I just...don't want to be here. 
There's nothing wrong per se, 
So I don't even know what I'm looking to hear from anyone, I just have a real sense of exhaustion deep in my being. I have for a while. 

I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to make the people who love me hurt, but I definitely don't want to exist. 

Help? ",-0.9370117011701176,0.828593138613865,1.543384338433846,100.351098109811,87.9108910891089,4.4648064806480665,16.112511251125113,5.565023196281405,-0.9392059405940594,341,7,89,2,11,116,60,101,0.104,0.644,0.251,0.9405,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,1,5,0,11,3,0,1,0,13,25,3,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,0,2,12,5,10,23,0,4,0,2,1,1,6,3,0,0,1,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396377503495181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319026748582939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429089257963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502506973549563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508103519985925,0.0,0.13385744891464876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378736985392707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209429984657097,0.0,0.2195043017300476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105691206262205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677011475709453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802407475773526,0.0,0.13330403774305774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162147038073427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384496781243487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730698704393226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4711626102769917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834508370973074,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moonlitpeach,2018/01/03,I want my life to end I’ve been a worthless piece of shit my whole life I’m 17 years old and everything keeps getting worst I get treated differently by everyone in my family Yet I’m always accepting of them I can’t stand it anymore I seriously want to kill myself I’ve been crying all night plus I have school in 3 hours which will only make me feel worse  I’ve become so bitter towards everything because people treat me like shit and I hate it,2.111545893719807,4.312900782608697,3.916231884057975,85.19205314009663,79.21739130434783,7.132367149758455,23.265700483091784,8.167268648758528,1.4390468599033808,360,12,72,7,9,121,66,92,0.317,0.586,0.097,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,2,12,5,0,1,0,5,4,2,1,1,10,15,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,2,13,4,9,12,4,10,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,7,39,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476945060534033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603264618515135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820256263550736,0.1960351852364197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497579388792294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854500811975366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721262051796456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960918597888552,0.3190517290709367,0.0,0.16733152786479435,0.0,0.08974950757310331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547320810699355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752448423895178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748020848159722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577704620248815,0.19637783255568325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507474855525185,0.08671770253571823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848285840551533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657204930557218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862567529994569,0.0,0.0,0.13499701062248134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305638964301115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963982513587534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644031061890304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938860436854648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198172795964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808880155363857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430440241470807
suicidewatch,ggiiney,2018/01/03,I'm sick of wanting to die. I hadn't self-harmed in months until tonight. I hate myself.,-1.1585964912280673,0.8806633157894731,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,100.05263157894736,2.533333333333333,16.859649122807017,3.1291,-1.2044877192982462,69,2,16,0,3,22,17,19,0.498,0.502,0.0,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109875896819364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.486099421892767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929937039327949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136344804595141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904042086107405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enriquepena6677,2018/01/03,"I really wanna die (24 M) English is not my first language... Sorry for the redaction. 

I've been depressed for 3 years since she left me. I'm fucking tired and angry. I hate feeling like this. Nothing makes me happy. I'm in a new relationship now, but I don't love her. I don't think I'll make it through this year. ",-0.4219696969696969,1.8131092272727256,1.93060606060606,94.28257575757576,93.0909090909091,4.1454545454545455,20.96969696969697,5.82211442006289,0.0802242424242432,243,9,53,2,9,82,53,66,0.29,0.665,0.045,-0.9345,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,0,8,13,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,9,3,5,12,0,7,0,1,0,2,4,2,1,0,6,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743230174005594,0.0,0.23790073988741356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590371969357127,0.16375933562154912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497979880233532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191604795144847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440156902365219,0.0,0.2263135435424476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905507774720725,0.0,0.0,0.11198840594176694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688571199896466,0.0,0.3060207098727618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213882174647877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994884545734086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684825637589055,0.0,0.0,0.24610329236178136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896183885510652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566001088786691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687897621265525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26346194524544475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952284814805119
suicidewatch,KloudMcJoo,2018/01/03,"An internet stranger is contemplating suicide in a now-deleted post on r/anime. How would one dissuade them from actually doing it? Apprently it is not their first time posting something about suicide... Poster will not reply to my message/chat, and as somebody who kind of has not shaken personal demons myself, I feel unequipped to help the person. Help.

https://www.reddit.com/r/anime/comments/7ntfii/to_the_people_of_ranime/?st=JBYTV20K&sh=1dfc929a",12.603333333333332,17.313782587301592,7.42246031746032,60.54892857142861,56.46031746031746,8.009523809523811,35.89682539682539,8.841846274778883,3.837425396825397,385,16,42,6,6,101,56,63,0.069,0.825,0.107,0.1235,1,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,7,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,8,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2216255579864774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460724342823332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483310050695493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317874259678586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044526614021953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364990055070523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389489079000407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966055210135638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350151586760195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483955234809184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968406233900524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242904533492975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133167010132066,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mypasswordisredditor,2018/01/03,"My friend is on the brink and I'm not stopping him. A friend and I met through a mutually strong want to die. He's on the brink now and I fear any day might be the last. I'm doing better and don't actively wanna kill myself right now. But because of my past, I understand what it's like to truly want to die and everything in life holding you back and telling you no and making you feel guilty. So I have always been there - NOT as an encourager - but as someone who understands. I don't want him to die. It'll hurt me a lot. I wish he didn't feel this way. But I respect his decision because I was there once. And I'm the only one he talks to and shares plans with because I'm the only one who doesn't spew bullshit about things getting better. I tell him alternatives and tell him he means a lot to me and that he has time to reconsider.

But I feel guilty a lot. I feel like if he goes it'll be down to me. But I am also sturdy in respecting his choice. I don't know what to do.",0.7771226415094361,2.51438944811321,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,81.40566037735849,6.1267924528301885,20.50566037735849,7.1686216300943375,0.3029803773584909,761,21,181,10,20,256,110,212,0.121,0.6779999999999999,0.201,0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,3,0,4,8,14,1,1,11,0,18,1,0,1,0,41,37,21,4,6,8,0,4,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,2,9,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,4,4,28,11,21,28,3,17,0,1,0,0,26,8,0,5,10,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667938357895813,0.10059400813461143,0.0,0.0,0.08221248694957091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296050005717177,0.0,0.2210887139296788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138429331961451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796702824970701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764085848931208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865228872466952,0.0,0.0,0.13604005770266964,0.2445118084926379,0.08636714036494972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680576635001897,0.0,0.0631624489753235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942019063407958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375198450794756,0.0,0.06644052123919576,0.09854525052607888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539144506933466,0.11812600898152155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30834084693578656,0.0,0.0,0.08069809731410645,0.0,0.0,0.13168968216599647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825008652801662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287488242509885,0.16384264597367496,0.18389161178136046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540759387521055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324334454176064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243361882986164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107331524949643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717051579035307,0.3170016784075958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031701333658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049462487045725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517111250660134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392033665282512,0.09596052182026736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390228461551864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tarakura,2018/01/03,"My cousin decided his fate on New Years eve. He is the closest to a brother i have ever had or ever will have. I have known him all my life, he lived in the biggest city in our country and i lived on our ancestoral homelands that have been in our possession for a thousand years, every holidays he would come over and show off his city ways we grew up together this way and in our twenties we moved to the third largest city in our country and caused absolute mayhem, it was memorable. He was handsome, extremely fit and so confident that he hired me as his security guard when he was a stripper. I smile now at the magnetism he effortlessly attracted people towards him. He was kind to a fault and devilish in his cheeky ways.
In our thirties he moved to Australia and had two children with a beautiful young woman, i also was luckily married and have my young boys. Two years ago our cousin who is the same age and lives in Australia down the road from him tells me she needs my help with our man. Then on i was in contact with him monthly, he would tell me hes ruinied his family through ice or meth. I told him how i had a meth addiction when we parted ways i told him that i loved him i sent him videos, poetry, begged him to come home to help our people and land help his children. He kept telling me he was good, he loves Jesus, his beautiful partner his young children, he loves life. I told him our peoples stories our peoples history and the messages i got from him were good. My last message to him was mana, in our language that means far more then strength or power but that is the only words i can describe it right now. I saw that it was read, Then i wake up new years day to the message that he died. I believe i did everything i could for him without flying overseas and bringing him home.  I am devestated and so are his children his partner, his parents, his sisters, his neices, nephews and close friends. My cousin who alerted me to my bros troubles has paid for me to fly over and pay my respects as his body has not been released due to the australian weather not treating bodies well that havent been discovered for over 24 hours. I dont want to accept the offer but i also dont want to miss the opportunity to farewell my beautiful brother. 
Stay safe people, feel the cloak of love embrace you all and know that you are loved. Aroha nui. ",7.127887096774192,6.229449103225808,6.912916666666668,80.00937500000002,64.41935483870968,9.900537634408602,36.149193548387096,8.959647251330699,2.971467741935484,1863,78,371,25,24,589,222,465,0.045,0.799,0.156,0.994,2,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,15,2,0,3,12,22,0,0,19,0,39,11,3,2,4,57,62,33,1,6,8,9,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,9,15,25,0,4,7,4,2,7,6,3,1,4,25,2,84,19,50,33,5,68,1,1,1,5,103,30,0,3,26,253,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145114436411388,0.0,0.0,0.07436233517390606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417164196055795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451391953783728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636302953328196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861768774808981,0.0,0.1445254988064938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697835867004091,0.0,0.0,0.054101318253156436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706330142233128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663403296416893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176439471771713,0.07067990884027305,0.0,0.07539381945404948,0.0,0.07908286870937857,0.0,0.04241668390113597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481225746131435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072384442691566,0.06709351467365884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868662752131772,0.0,0.16829455717968422,0.0,0.08261354270784528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735724730273295,0.046103075430232746,0.06838054599148402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850624166402955,0.0,0.0,0.22222596882885912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785644616377343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137946598017692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695921778428443,0.17832097808585515,0.0,0.0622024617839893,0.0,0.1620405982563251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380119158322968,0.0,0.0,0.09314855418355622,0.09084336560824792,0.0,0.29078956100405845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391147389341558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164055326932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941426962230424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199674538753314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047795100832586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389428223928054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895954288959616,0.2663480113214014,0.0,0.0,0.0754260810243535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086578301599008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119184354053309,0.0,0.0,0.21608647609720893
suicidewatch,ny4arl4th0t3p,2018/01/03,"I feel so fucking alone My boyfriend insists on saying how caring and nice he is to me considering my depression when I tell him he precisely isn't. Also he always tells me he never was that considerate with previous girlfriends and left them for far less when we argue about this.
Yesterday he told me he could understand if poor people, with nothing in their lives, no education, etc. considered suicide, but not people like me, cause when I'll solve the one or two minor problems in my life, ""my life will be perfect"". I felt so horrible. I feel alone and like my feelings are spat upon.
To be honest one of the only reason I'm still with him recently is because (for complicated reasons) he's the one that owns my cat that I can't take with me for now.
The past months with him have been so awful he's the main trigger of my suicide thoughts. 2 days ago I almost jumped off a bridge after he left me alone during an anxiety attack in a very crowded train station because ""I couldn't decide quickly enough what I wanted to do"". Afterwards he just said, again, how he just hates when people sulk to him... So basically it's my fault. Again.
I feel stuck in this situation. I don't want to be with him but being alone terrifies me, all the more if I won't be able to see my cat. I rescued him a few months ago, and it's the first time in my life I've felt loved unconditionnaly... Yup, that's pathetic.
I'm sick of everything. I've been fighting so hard but I'm exhausted. 

I know I'm privileged. I do have a very good education that could provide me a nice career. But depression cripples me. All I've been thinking about for the past year is suicide. I'm constantly fighting against myself, one day trying to survive, the other looking for any method to off myself.",2.9850494500415934,5.023112653295133,4.353653757278863,83.9009011923468,75.76217765042979,7.368555319345599,26.44431093446714,8.259297600419973,1.814569017469267,1392,53,272,25,31,460,180,349,0.259,0.664,0.077,-0.9973,0,4,1,0,4,3,46.0,1,0,2,3,21,21,6,0,15,2,25,8,1,6,5,51,52,23,3,8,10,0,7,2,1,2,5,2,0,0,11,11,0,0,14,0,1,1,8,11,0,6,10,11,44,10,35,32,9,39,0,2,2,2,31,12,1,4,28,178,55,1,0.0914774389597114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621784604099076,0.0,0.0916014412294705,0.3789721544405511,0.0,0.07315447488619281,0.07611655731932639,0.0,0.0,0.062207795387648784,0.0,0.06997999041941813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406879292854124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152759545389763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326734567114106,0.0939725284319038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885461355988252,0.0,0.1460745828447502,0.0,0.0,0.11799076077861237,0.0,0.1575787682655901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452064790619252,0.10202152540900823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221402363767391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501496691012548,0.0,0.1756653739588188,0.0,0.0,0.07781066284785917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845694182704399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672693568171111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194581730774249,0.09031503234003116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050273608110552315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987810101782009,0.0,0.1938396613395435,0.08938251194358754,0.0,0.08077625454579843,0.0,0.07681800954443445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256196017880968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603283806393327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055304033095852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877750698420151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794992037531466,0.06957271446013301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746511327500339,0.19025681427279711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753155478645837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881080855930552,0.09032293505224977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701599257342531,0.07274653109631378,0.0,0.0,0.0728956752269422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282447414516174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305400091945066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30018441249834565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877964958995755,0.0,0.1599106273642444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861504918828934,0.0,0.0726228684049231,0.05334123029948494,0.0,0.0,0.0874106131055282,0.0,0.062107176316845876,0.0,0.08936016567188311,0.095231240082217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095693486837028,0.10791152719431142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058908471484406935
suicidewatch,homelessunicorn,2018/01/03,"Feeling so done Happy new year! Far from it. I spent new years eve crying. Today is just the third day into the year and nothing has improved. On new years day my parents exploded. Not literally, but they were watching my kids while myself and my boyfriend went to the grocery store. It got down to 6 degrees that day in my area, so I thought it might be best to let them stay the night with the grandfolks to avoid exposure to the cold temperatures, and on the plus side me and my boyfriend could get a little holiday alone time. When  we got there and voiced the idea my parents flipped out on us. Freaking out that we'd want to have them stay there because the kids spent the time we were at the grocery store crying for mommy. Then when I tried to get them all ready to go home, my parents freaked out even harder. They trapped me alone in a room and just screamed at me. I was called names, I was belittled.. when I finally got out of the room and started getting the kids ready the screaming continues, except now it's in front of my by now terrified crying children. When my boyfriend tried to step between us they got in his face.. eventually we got out.

When we got home we talked. My boyfriend was insanely sweet and caring. He said he wanted to step up and be the person me and my kids needed. He wanted to keep us all away from my parents, to keep us safe. He said when I worked he'd watch them and we'd all be one happy family.

The next day we decided to follow through with our plan. On my way to work my parents were calling me over and over, so I answered.
My mom was screaming at me. She threatened to cause a huge scene at my apartment, ensuring that I would get evicted. She threatened to go to my kids dad, she said that was only half of what she'd do to me if I did not have my boyfriend take my kids to her.

He agreed to take them, but said he'd be washing his hands of it all. He says he can't be apart of that. That he can't protect me from my parents and all he wanted was to be the person to save us. He said it was too much that he loves us, but my parents behavior was just too much especially if there's nothing I can do to get away from them. 

I'm so tired of it. My parents have always taken advantage of me, used me, this kind of thing happens often. They lie to my kids about me, they twisted my daughters words enough to confuse her into believing that my boyfriend hit her, I've been taking care of them since I was a kid only for them to constantly belittle me. I can never do enough, I can never give them enough, I'll never be good enough. I'm at the point where I feel like this is it for me, like they've won",3.202720183486239,4.273987856880737,3.92705275229358,91.17516628440369,73.18348623853211,6.917889908256881,26.102064220183486,7.1686216300943375,0.9834669724770642,2062,68,458,20,40,656,223,545,0.115,0.764,0.121,0.66,9,4,0,0,0,0,54.0,15,0,14,6,24,22,0,2,22,0,45,5,2,2,8,73,92,31,0,9,11,11,3,2,0,2,2,10,4,11,20,29,0,5,6,1,4,7,7,7,0,3,32,17,94,15,76,43,12,81,0,0,2,1,85,37,0,5,36,315,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330259928377005,0.0,0.0,0.04551365419205025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278235449503846,0.0,0.0,0.03334378610336035,0.0,0.0,0.06162664149606334,0.05740285295500405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117068637897712,0.0,0.11153782745265907,0.05619057552299884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910980285114493,0.0,0.04367241690892855,0.0,0.1802516781963449,0.1411044028543096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055975704472948036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260732873013788,0.0,0.03612793893690765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156501415097951,0.0,0.05531455652266482,0.0390767226897492,0.0,0.05991969159992246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288892121382596,0.052471924172976116,0.06217300060648315,0.04587862799919897,0.2624850178083548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048369830846777054,0.1164554487611826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097344009407956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061748111903467726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972373372876044,0.0,0.05696022118152925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055933070133364814,0.0,0.053445989712205835,0.054822411820392165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936766240269865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802661805189852,0.0,0.06406239156093392,0.0,0.0,0.08041959509520567,0.040558351947300966,0.12656090052849905,0.15848487564658265,0.05817262916133927,0.05133097264575104,0.0,0.10496964960495377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03706521724821598,0.08320156819117606,0.0,0.0,0.4858909741647992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552149342156364,0.0,0.0,0.051707899388407634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601546847783749,0.04349855769354647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524728412071092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038715982237924634,0.1166029546883858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337972041043263,0.04396469864713152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0363393490181627,0.0,0.0,0.04342461397918743,0.06379043917722882,0.06286804556566229,0.051847919413386685,0.0,0.0,0.07427357845076622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947744081119584,0.04724206674795051,0.0,0.0,0.1290507113045922,0.04341723813581306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050706191621995175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964252957165043,0.0,0.0,0.03885634780093275,0.0,0.0,0.14089653523742832
suicidewatch,rich_27,2018/01/03,"Guy seems pretty serious, I have no clue how to deal with this kind of thing He seems to be 'telegraphing' a lot. Unfortunately this post is the best I can do to help right now.

https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds44n34/

https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds47t0s/

https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds48qw9/

https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds4a8b2/

https://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/7ndbxc/north_korean_leader_kim_jong_un_says_he_has/ds4ayc5/",53.44081300813009,69.07099214634147,19.02134146341464,-29.139857723577194,-18.804878048780488,10.538211382113822,26.34552845528455,9.725611199111238,4.021679674796747,622,8,32,8,6,111,36,41,0.123,0.667,0.21,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049993547314714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29962784928128383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877704308138148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948038654687462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026475133447848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708412424165666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783442064762897,0.2956762599188261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481973273089545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291591821562067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308235447094024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Carpetdesk,2018/01/03,"Hello, I need help, soon Hello,
So obviously if im writing here you must know what that means. Tomorrow afternoon I plan to die, i guess this is a cry for a last reason to stay. I guess i should introduce myself, Im Spencer, im 16 and live in a upper class house, go to a catholic school and have a girlfriend. Im an introvert who likes to program and make things. 2017 got bad for me near the end, I have to attend court in the next few days for a speeding ticket, I got accused of cheating and face losing my 3.5 gpa, my dad yells at me constantly and believes im a nobody, and I may have accidentally got my girlfriend pregnant. The last news was brought to me today by my girlfriend saying her period is 8 days late, its not confirmed but im pretty sure she is. She claims shes not and that i never once came in her, nor could it have been possible with the morning after pill. My life is going downhill real fast and im afraid ill never see her again, and my hopes of getting into a tech college will fumble. I wrote a suicide note, addressing about everyone i care about or whatever was on my mind. I promised my girlfriend id stay alive for her but I think that promise will be broken very soon. Please help, im begging you.",2.8689285714285724,4.320429781746031,4.214476190476192,87.28885714285717,74.59523809523809,6.9447619047619025,26.092063492063488,7.554174236665415,1.2948549206349207,963,34,201,12,20,318,153,252,0.108,0.7559999999999999,0.136,0.8507,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,2,0,2,7,10,1,1,14,0,19,4,1,2,5,40,38,15,2,6,6,1,0,1,4,5,3,2,1,0,9,12,0,0,4,1,0,5,5,4,0,0,9,3,34,6,24,22,1,35,0,1,1,0,22,8,0,6,21,123,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191732078104039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704221141923647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985130190086232,0.08781816735538539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307899710219666,0.0,0.06877006132381895,0.0,0.09461287650687708,0.11109710801656887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939228575850376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628812763772541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230361650265462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500085211615657,0.0,0.09790255193134392,0.0,0.20666489341438116,0.0,0.18977006040985064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546604952701048,0.0,0.0,0.08554934143552566,0.0,0.0993857290079941,0.0,0.0,0.7443059518829015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473363544211768,0.14041951563360716,0.09716159135496807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083816973359137,0.042080153219882406,0.0,0.07605687273503117,0.0,0.0,0.0963606122170402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749433725576529,0.0,0.0,0.09382390975199388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696961124350022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386640694572332,0.13286190699715594,0.0,0.09160324886839953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917286598958712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454798936961692,0.0,0.09710183155787634,0.0,0.087628060124982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803802491628816,0.0,0.08855890141743099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849628877469556,0.0,0.08717102904100721,0.06863671910569033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836122869311449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421534330356963,0.0,0.0811791791451226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572228293583585,0.05519044379488627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164385783838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106861074651813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDroog74,2018/01/03,It's all meaningless nothing really matter in the grand scope in ten years no one will care or even remember me  but right now and pretty much everyday id just pain for me why should i keep punishing myself just to stop like 2 or 3 people at most from feeling bad for a coupllle weeks?  im a fucking 43 year old trans woman whos poor as shit  it cant get much worse than that ans my wife just left me for anothr man on new years day   every choice i have ever made has been wrong and this probably wont be any different but at least it wont hurt anymore ,4.441537530266345,4.2193987711864445,5.484285714285715,85.76737288135595,69.76271186440678,9.115738498789346,26.17917675544794,8.841846274778883,1.5847007263922517,437,11,98,7,7,145,96,118,0.244,0.611,0.145,-0.9467,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,3,0,4,0,9,3,1,1,2,19,16,7,0,1,7,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,7,0,2,2,1,7,3,12,9,5,18,0,1,0,1,4,7,2,3,12,57,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158771398951638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898998639134574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227601877723972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737331020113795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989323611197048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803065156949954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254690976387732,0.15413561998677672,0.14356847783655455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615883696627663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753109800322684,0.08902642661234937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824156170407916,0.0,0.184060123548882,0.0,0.0,0.15145843006017376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513897479715816,0.0,0.0,0.08324832744936557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123562140556466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505256922691858,0.0,0.0,0.16457238288152395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350240326006485,0.0,0.17880505029486676,0.0,0.11546674910790068,0.0,0.18131651350897016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813318757515058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335700763538198,0.1837189053309839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916194073255543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930288108277019,0.14551978565067158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749120895764924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246116527308164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668377196516654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537585626668567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365110362369732,0.0,0.18630451929853425,0.0,0.3291940414543707
suicidewatch,kameron12349,2018/01/03,"Think I Might Give Up Soon I don't really have reasons to post here other that i kinda wanna talk but might fall asleep do to having like 5 hours of it in the last 48 hrs. I'm prob honestly gonna sound like a liar, always do when i talk about my fucking shitty useless life. Im 14, my family is full of drug addicts, full of people with trouble with the police, constant warrants, constant arrests, constant fuckery thats pushing me. ive began self harming 2 or so month ago and already began to fall in the cycle of no stopping. my grandmother is an abusive physco an times, then soon afterwards acts like she didnt just call me a ""fat fucking lazy piece of shit"" Im thinking of potentially going to a councelour to talk,but if im taken, moved outta the school, and arent allowed to self harm them im definetly ending it. my mother is an ex military with ptsd who i truly care about, but on top of her working like a fucking slave aroiund the house and having sleep deprivation, shes always doing some type of drug, never something super bad, but always asking for something, or taking her fucking xanax, and not because of ptsd, because she wants drugs, then my pap is a e military who was shot in the spleen, survived, survived another diseasewhich i cant remember anymore, and now just survived lung cancer, 3 years ago he developed it, they gave him a life expectancy of 5 years, and thats prob not even gonna be my life expectancy, why i stay here, idk, i care about people, wellnot really, my aunt and uncle ( druggies ) got their 3 children taken who are under custody of my nan, shes not as rude as them as she is to me, but if i do something theyre gonnabe taken and split up from eachother, so im fucking up other peoples life. every fucking year theres a fight with mycausins parents as their in and out of our house since they caant get a home to permanatly stay in, last year my pap almos died from stress and could barely fucking breathe, and part of hte reason im thinking of killing myself before that fight is because im gonna hurt who caused harm to my pap, really, really bad, and i dont want to do that, but its gonna happen if i dont do something now, ive already planned how im gonna do it, stocked up many things if i decide, i think it may not only stop a fight but i could write a note saying ive done it for other reasons as to not get my causins removed from the home and split up, i couldnt imagine being 3years old and taken from your family into a strangers house.  i think ive ranted on long enough, too tired to fix typos, but if someone happens to be here id enjoy to talk if your kind enough to read this",9.56292529651266,5.744024340148702,9.359792883696231,73.58780049566296,62.10408921933087,11.808957337581873,39.55956806514428,8.841846274778883,3.4373337581872896,2077,75,417,21,21,682,255,538,0.177,0.7120000000000001,0.111,-0.9924,3,0,8,0,3,1,55.0,1,2,6,7,20,34,14,1,21,0,40,27,6,6,1,73,78,40,2,14,22,4,0,4,0,8,15,2,2,3,21,20,1,2,11,1,0,7,14,24,0,0,11,2,52,10,63,53,7,58,0,3,0,7,41,18,8,13,34,252,73,5,0.0,0.06472818216694554,0.0,0.05955528384184181,0.0,0.0,0.09685324353714693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205721799895793,0.0,0.13637080000558852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057284818598371874,0.0,0.0,0.05417875367390629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107212155181642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122833298755614,0.0999066954049299,0.0,0.046486512319775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578382521153842,0.0,0.11139882474551402,0.0561205486783658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710841386124554,0.0,0.08723598134481632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669781022936474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590594540883688,0.12805302467863358,0.0,0.19006202835488425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838638755968766,0.11289577306146527,0.0,0.036082914917429314,0.0,0.046028533182027084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300150371573287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535349706728972,0.05708433902975427,0.05240653165390228,0.031047759117434914,0.0,0.04369298315641966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966191010266413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095976457327548,0.0,0.05380001550944526,0.18910870736738966,0.05848305567076367,0.0,0.4720823195689339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604405287747554,0.05688923517503585,0.0,0.08906226060044796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434848647122373,0.10675876655079362,0.0,0.0,0.04834625314637904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538672922561366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159086061216664,0.0,0.0,0.04360552564649582,0.058063551520877985,0.0,0.0,0.04213439183100682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732549592105369,0.0,0.0,0.04154893960712427,0.0,0.0,0.060660679780796124,0.05915948303945358,0.0,0.11362168268702612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232089583963948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772020860601574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464526092109427,0.0,0.13999073019198865,0.16850768757332754,0.0,0.0,0.06188568102243891,0.0,0.0,0.04344434812703081,0.0,0.05528895944575738,0.0,0.0,0.11398300423882628,0.0,0.05607739972123177,0.045190895224429,0.0,0.05466993061536311,0.0,0.04628822599653242,0.16822884121822645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645763962592705,0.0,0.09134705015661464,0.0625790269846045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041075319961101496,0.17563963263171425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03629406153135418,0.1750250193406207,0.0,0.0,0.031855470545898976,0.0627896970024338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444494168584178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929550839000557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397716380023959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407209445856051
suicidewatch,Discussion10x,2018/01/03,"Everyone I meet turns out to be trash and hurts me. I can't ever love anyone because they destroy my love so what's the point in living? I don't even enjoy anything anymore because I don't benefit from anything, people just hurt me all the time.",3.283200000000001,4.8812295200000015,4.625,84.1675,73.8,6.6000000000000005,28.5,7.1686216300943375,1.6443999999999996,196,8,37,2,4,65,39,50,0.384,0.616,0.0,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,2,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,4,4,6,1,5,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542478885175515,0.15893645287443467,0.0,0.3741041455231851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771251851735843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501323475503804,0.20560975435307152,0.0,0.2171990012374957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866679124934108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071386285635784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41030201377029896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575841825553095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487603640045871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254296628534518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472418082346355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HeroUY,2018/01/03,"If I had a gun I wouldn’t be writing this 
...
I don’t have the guts to hang myself
Shooting my self seems so much easier ",-0.8811111111111103,0.9467682962962982,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,88.25925925925927,5.0814814814814815,16.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.4783481481481484,92,2,23,1,3,32,24,27,0.094,0.785,0.121,0.1725,0,0,0,2,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689345979536855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807260229015637,0.6654754910340033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Real17,2018/01/03,"I don’t know anymore. Even if no one responds that’s fine. I need to get this off me rn. I have a great life, go to a “good” school(although I think school is fucking useless the way we do it), my family is wealthy and I could honestly do and get whatever I want, I’m pretty popular in school(in terms of like being friends with everyone), I bring up the mood in the room, but then I go home and the real me can come out. The one who is severely addicted to video games and the internet, who can take off the mask and sob quietly on his chair for hours, the one who doesn’t have to put on a show for people or put on a mask to feel useful. I hate myself. On weekdays I go to school, eat nutritionally shit food for lunch because it taste way better and makes me slightly more happy, go home, and play video games for 10ish hours and then watch YouTube or some shit for another 3. Repeat. Weekends are the same thing except I’ll go to a movie or party here and there. I do jack shot on school as I don’t see a point in memorizing random shot I’ll most likely never use later in life. About 10 mins ago I was watching a YouTube video of dojo doki lit club, and one of the characters said they were depressed and shit and it went on for a sec, then all the sudden I got this rush though my body and I felt like my brain exploded, I started sobbing uncontrollably and I keep asking for god to save me even though I know he’s not there. I’m lost. I’m 16 and for the first 13 years I my life I was the most happy content person on the planet. I can’t take it anymore. I’m a “Christian” but I know God doesn’t exists. I cry out to him and all I get in return is silence. I have waited long enough for help. Give me a reason why I should care and stay in this hellhole of a life. ",2.2803972413793083,3.43920747466667,3.676036781609195,91.7388,75.58666666666666,6.772413793103447,22.797701149425286,7.237678284180719,0.5765356321839077,1373,37,317,15,29,452,195,375,0.112,0.723,0.165,0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,0,1,3,8,27,5,1,25,0,24,15,5,4,3,57,64,29,0,5,8,0,2,3,1,1,5,2,3,1,12,22,4,2,8,9,0,11,8,11,0,5,8,9,40,15,44,53,9,52,1,5,4,1,17,20,6,8,21,194,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122494924563716,0.0,0.0,0.0741784074895471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877471205251902,0.0,0.0,0.16597869190647882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823070256543971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510113328305044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400929367785024,0.0,0.09295103975269732,0.0,0.0934159858191186,0.0,0.0,0.08531864410570883,0.0,0.0,0.07208401483107311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681269450170173,0.0,0.09191995895155283,0.0,0.0,0.07207456560237371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562684258272163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864651337648686,0.0,0.11054139514198763,0.0,0.0,0.0799610510725616,0.0,0.0,0.0788872652647024,0.0,0.04231177054103402,0.0,0.0803471537366061,0.0,0.0,0.07117925575531796,0.10118773840730816,0.0,0.06465195092434159,0.07736199682452287,0.13116004814634338,0.08027471085459377,0.2377900050984943,0.0701878891443039,0.06692756567863911,0.09225890887088024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781605615591373,0.0,0.08261794142597723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056089799426240386,0.0,0.16787829768326193,0.0,0.16481841299916652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437976840053746,0.0,0.0,0.13796713246513942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364262570197977,0.12264734250095947,0.0,0.0,0.07405530130974787,0.0,0.0,0.0913480044917642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055857905558050994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062048610311592686,0.06454016349727996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268184095978412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801406451107425,0.07306726774052748,0.0,0.0,0.07910585970926902,0.0,0.0,0.08513394779945285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824560275242345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952476191265731,0.0,0.086038295035805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960006204158815,0.0,0.0,0.4234496247786941,0.06668314753442395,0.0,0.0,0.09453602977617988,0.2576929004476961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059230042133686676,0.0891931125066513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258358196613007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055594125450035364,0.05361958662968232,0.16443286946405847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454751976937275,0.0,0.0,0.049357388254932286,0.13284461328187486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757338681872891,0.07550934125103928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388800203568528
suicidewatch,ha11ucinogens,2018/01/03,"How to tell a friend how I'm feeling I suddenly feel intensely sad and suicidal. I'm losing it. 
For once, I feel the need to tell someone but I don't want to freak them out",0.05289473684210577,1.9736898157894769,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,85.05263157894737,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.1939263157894728,135,5,32,3,4,47,28,38,0.212,0.621,0.16699999999999998,-0.1907,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,10,8,4,1,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,1,5,8,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542420088840834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313590417877324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350147805456952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220429054453424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31891097573715593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537281836891669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275563722010173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523475664907577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662696776419828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,00Makerin00,2018/01/03,"There is one place I want to visit before I kill myself. - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mapim%C3%AD_Silent_Zone

(18/M) I’m not going to visit there for another decade or two because I want to afford it by myself and the other reason is to see how much will change in my bullshit life by then. One thing is for certain though I’m going to visit there regardless of how much has changed.",4.98,7.212943666666671,4.823333333333338,81.855,70.66666666666666,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.2404277777777777,312,8,53,4,6,96,49,72,0.118,0.8170000000000001,0.065,-0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,3,1,10,12,6,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,0,3,0,1,6,1,11,11,2,8,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331869454501732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355620197550827,0.0,0.18923072600579494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705013961173156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527696617991274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603276454783224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707500248636988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269527553109318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301383633955276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323418869067737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286457617191043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772096838447436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774073748603364,0.0,0.21848921270825786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172349272810567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26233336281985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bckgroundthrowaway,2018/01/03,"My life is over I resigned from my last job after allegations of sexual harassment. I was texting girls from work and said some risqué things so it’s all on record in my file. I’m guilty and I hate myself for being so dumb. I have had one real girlfriend in my life and I thought I was taking action to find another and to build better relationships with women. The only problem is I’m so social inept that I allowed myself to say stupid impulsive things and ruin my life. I have been battling mental illness for years and two years ago I started working hard to get out of it. I got my two year degree in a great field, lost a lot of weight and started taking care of my appearance, and worked my ass off in therapy to improve my mental state...all that is gone. All the work I put in to better my life gone in an instant...you can not recover from sexual harassment. I got offered a job today for 54,000 a year contingent on passing a background check. They will find out about my last job and I will no longer be eligible for the job. This is fate telling me I’m fighting the inevitable. I should stop trying to get better. I am meant to have a horrible life. I should of died years ago.",2.21150991449882,4.3792507949790815,3.66930325632163,87.26355830452974,78.7071129707113,6.499617973440057,23.362015644897212,7.586124646067393,1.1196645806803707,936,31,187,14,23,308,129,239,0.214,0.7140000000000001,0.073,-0.987,5,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,1,8,4,16,7,0,11,0,19,8,1,1,2,28,39,12,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,4,6,2,0,2,7,12,1,1,4,0,1,6,2,11,0,3,12,4,31,5,35,21,4,32,0,3,0,1,11,12,2,3,14,124,38,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454006577604986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323346581876844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612132173717385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037639158155462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021756129725878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799631318820559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287217985853264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574790038115429,0.10854153228497912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819191097766622,0.09719904631818853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907859506966299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049986820940906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476909238820253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746986388694156,0.08369871545064922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842899781308168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667123046150676,0.07487570252793023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420340587334264,0.0,0.0989694965313094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120577151087186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569851427758156,0.0,0.0,0.09364854635410072,0.07829143457422033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100357432121726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936691012662505,0.0,0.0,0.08230865359025698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804437695539338,0.0,0.0860496867090111,0.0,0.11258621695414868,0.0,0.1308116828226395,0.0,0.0,0.07815834603561403,0.0,0.0,0.09331913989334063,0.0,0.0,0.06684112435220015,0.0,0.19234279514934108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988564338372545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866912478897829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169930353780451
suicidewatch,Cr3ations,2018/01/03,"Girlfriend broke up with me Hello everyone. I've never done this before but I'm going through a really rough patch in my life. My girlfriend of 2+ years broke up with me seemingly out of the blue. What I don't understand is we went together like PB and J. We always got along, talked all day everyday and the conversation was always sparking no matter what. I'm not normally emotional, but this girl is the only person that I've meaningly said ""I love you"" to and the first person I've ever really committed my life to. And now I just feel broken inside. Everynight hurts because we'd always call eachother and talk about our days and end it by saying I love you and wake up to a good morning text. How can someone say and promise that they love you and always be there for you, then leave you them saying you need to focus on yourself. I don't know.... It feels weird knowing that I'll probably never talk, kiss or touch her ever again.....
",4.538523573200994,5.619059725806456,5.469569892473121,81.33204714640199,70.0215053763441,8.518775847808106,26.673283705541767,8.841846274778883,1.9770311000827128,743,23,142,13,13,244,121,186,0.118,0.731,0.151,0.8995,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,6,2,1,8,11,0,0,6,0,9,7,1,1,6,37,26,14,0,2,5,0,4,1,2,0,2,4,0,3,9,15,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,5,9,23,7,19,19,1,21,0,3,1,4,31,6,0,2,14,91,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083322674557052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478713820522742,0.0,0.10439520216679493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527426601798233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824229505490742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554851250474658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800319111972478,0.10866177003486878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194973157007397,0.0,0.11722999274433545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406561662187768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435510193795412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972424748913184,0.1029016705603364,0.09812174719643227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133595349299046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484803514457624,0.0,0.0,0.12990483379613066,0.0,0.0,0.17331093090465907,0.059937293964333005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321817905922404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363903953256615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096876590608184,0.18924320771217626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020444935291688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330684823727996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424618991807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322742975506178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718925609367626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670075080824086,0.2926901554494561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168707095714918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394990868770093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958266931969228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277185594201754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372946518250147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790045903963596
suicidewatch,PizzaTattoo,2018/01/03,"I wrecked my dad’s car today and I just keep wishing I had been killed I totaled my dad’s car. Like it was completely destroyed. It was all my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to the road. I was looking down to plug in and charge my phone and was pausing my podcast. Just for a few seconds and I hit a person turning. It happened so fast but I should’ve been focused on the road. I feel like shit. Physically and emotionally. The adrenaline is wearing off and I’m feeling bruised up. I wasn’t driving my car because it’s getting worked on. All I ever do is cost people around me. Now my parents have to pay for more stuff and are one car short. I’m paying for a lot of stuff, like my car for example and student debt and I’m living at home for a while to save some money and now I feel even worse about that. All I do is take and the world and those I’m around would be better without me leeching off of them. I’m tired and going to sleep but hope I don’t wake up ",-0.3756706220783883,1.8426479126213628,1.6486623516720618,96.83170262495508,91.71844660194176,4.216900395541173,20.73642574613449,5.82211442006289,-0.05019971233369258,754,27,171,6,27,249,112,206,0.117,0.7559999999999999,0.128,0.3079,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,10,10,3,0,8,0,19,5,4,0,5,36,37,17,1,3,5,3,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,15,0,1,4,0,6,7,4,4,0,2,9,4,25,6,25,25,8,28,0,0,1,0,6,15,1,3,9,118,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850247499410852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975882372159911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158494018613516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784935687083533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007759722799654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573669901104822,0.14480887739712958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428361035560604,0.11436699094847046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363943971885437,0.0,0.09098177262785367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156540328504968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605814456188258,0.15900363325376646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229368416740415,0.17711379509524988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234632919584042,0.0,0.14136075036770945,0.0,0.13443370866865667,0.0,0.0,0.13610120199857845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847985894788999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775892148584158,0.0,0.0,0.11098495128880448,0.13978277887150084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432816332091826,0.0,0.0,0.1602037421771404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665252126415003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036634937748852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399775373286995,0.15174482715264462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412991328521138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840934471220877,0.15431924306312067,0.0,0.11654606414861413,0.0,0.1631434795972373,0.113722013294775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Closix,2018/01/03,"I can't, I can't, I CAN'T I DON'T WANT TO BE AN ADULT AND GO TO COLLEGE IN TWO WEEKS I just want to be happy and have friends and a boyfriend and I want all of this hurt and fear to go away and I want to stop crying and thinking about hanging myself every time I'm scared which is literally always",0.6977272727272741,2.267099075757581,2.466666666666669,96.97,80.96969696969697,5.006060606060606,20.090909090909093,5.46131890053228,-0.3876181818181816,233,6,57,1,6,77,42,66,0.235,0.615,0.15,-0.7974,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,16,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,8,2,9,14,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323656845768447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819067083490315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25509718912355456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566642865344525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26132683656537165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942274061334226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639668798558656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472164858687753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24861036945464085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250587711609286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415729588305747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880561291817046,0.0,0.0,0.13541700601541018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268580237911065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479084694956978,0.0,0.18628340927145032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cecilie_Charlwood,2018/01/03,My suicidal friend call me bloody useless how can I actually help her? I was on the call with her sobbing over her family situation I stayed silent I had no idea what I was supposed to say or do she ended the call - I repeatedly called back and sent her text messages to call me she replied by “useless” and “you’re bloody useless” - I don’t know what to do - how am I supposed to be useful to her? How can I help her? ,0.5051162790697674,2.7740706744186063,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,86.44186046511628,5.765581395348837,22.55348837209302,7.1686216300943375,0.760013023255814,322,12,72,5,10,108,50,86,0.244,0.639,0.117,-0.9107,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,4,0,10,13,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,20,1,9,8,0,7,0,4,0,0,19,2,1,1,3,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.15783142496532848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243653313121008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8257548914745554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325047110584752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247071207463253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495716464973272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681703960572574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825807428971098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888611218075929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861930079832104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179852386357834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723895147133066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691340358655458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968834636304486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iwillsurive,2018/01/03,"Living is suffering. Life is painful. I spent new years alone, i even made plans with my so called friends. That didn't happen. I even tried to make plans with one of my family members, that didn't happen either. I have no friends. Barley a family. I have no one. I literally spend 20 hours a day alone. The other 4 hours is at some shitty job i dont even need. 
Some people make out that all you need in life is health, wealth and youth, and then lifes great? No it fucking isnt. Well i chased that shit, i thought it was a dream, its the opposite. Dont ever give up loyal friends for a dream you cant promise to be true. You'll end up to be me, its loney. ",-0.3949275362318829,1.8142240000000032,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,91.6086956521739,4.515942028985508,15.63768115942029,6.139981653823899,-0.7016840579710141,504,11,120,5,18,162,84,138,0.183,0.637,0.18,0.3571,1,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,2,6,13,2,0,6,0,16,7,1,3,3,17,27,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,9,4,1,2,6,0,15,9,12,18,4,14,0,1,0,1,8,5,2,2,9,75,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27752471564672393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680805120542522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640569485207852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140459567053944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866607142498505,0.0,0.0,0.265476592163329,0.12119212990364052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526079009666602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105366923596144,0.1238618905526708,0.0,0.12852534652863534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771287378987938,0.0,0.0,0.2369552620414565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241394531325793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638856424333714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329539822198034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28390105322502196,0.0,0.0,0.11830635476067247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677464414879425,0.17886471571890958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868820596222286,0.0,0.12939823777554071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815759557542414,0.0,0.14256363623631882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288451699721983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375280333221487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636475882128364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096328711748362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046366246349648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627840650734545
suicidewatch,fuchsiaguard,2018/01/03,"I'm DONE 

I seriously see suicide in my near future. I'm sick of this hick town, sick of being alone. I need to be around supporting, loving people all the time, and I'm not. I've been alone since 2005 basically. FUCK this, fuck anyone who's apathetic, I hate my life.",0.3109350649350624,2.670069600000001,2.9215584415584424,88.1109090909091,89.36363636363636,6.051948051948052,16.948051948051948,7.447530270364453,0.3496233766233767,208,5,45,4,7,72,41,55,0.426,0.48,0.093,-0.9728,0,2,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,1,5,14,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,5,2,6,10,1,6,0,0,1,3,2,4,2,0,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4951560843978543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671454942329012,0.0,0.0,0.2128003130952256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24462554984126186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44198563424705933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360069849552527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884422172843466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574702227239195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724849091553338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572337937668738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904875421160924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197740106374221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614759185660572,0.2712649011279584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938878845094888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BabySteps0,2018/01/03,"Being suicidal makes me feel like I have to be a better person When you hear about certain suicides, you don't feel bad at all. Whenever the news hits that a child molester was outed and they kill themselves, the public says good riddance. Same for any other criminals. I might be reaching for the extreme situations here, but I feel the same way. Like unless I met a certain standard, people will be better off with me gone. I don't know. Somedays I wish I had not existed. My family will be worse off if I kill myself, but no one would have been hurt if I did not exist.",4.34745575221239,5.467823070796462,5.269192477876106,82.44325774336285,70.50442477876106,7.773893805309735,27.39933628318584,8.07648339933343,1.7471424778761069,449,15,86,6,8,147,79,113,0.235,0.612,0.153,-0.9414,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,1,2,3,12,3,0,7,0,17,0,0,1,3,25,27,7,4,4,7,0,3,2,0,4,0,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,6,5,16,7,10,11,3,7,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,3,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270989095911927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066539238065318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191807472139018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010901618957586,0.0,0.2737177021851294,0.12891110304368728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513500655739278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033764578209556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931718412843759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39927490442184493,0.0,0.09916874454278156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631420991375454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044952159270594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914253505432081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227530128249073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509896757129849,0.15755903046322126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349839666967562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028295639100364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947586343025309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323012970241564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750471036101376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389052413507104,0.12818410323293009,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rawbatz,2018/01/03,Vincent - Don McLean Is the song I’m gonna play in the day that I’ll take my life ,3.406500000000001,1.2413626500000028,4.600000000000001,97.70500000000004,72.5,8.0,25.0,3.1291,0.010999999999999677,63,1,19,0,1,21,18,20,0.0,0.87,0.13,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530094270511676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5805725419852322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6180093752229814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whydoisuckatlife,2018/01/03,Tonight could be the night :( Feeling very impulsive. I don't want to kill myself but I feel like I have no other options. I have no one. ,-0.9674999999999976,0.9651943928571428,0.9225714285714304,98.42242857142858,105.07142857142857,3.6685714285714286,19.88571428571429,5.6839178017228535,-0.08082285714285664,105,4,23,1,5,34,23,28,0.269,0.52,0.21,-0.232,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325906703281626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127865145952403,0.29161119920209433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516020379187094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942113974424466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830589020548548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766002803319477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33679970890444216,0.2407611878061065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tuluzorgonia,2018/01/03,I want to die I feel terrible twenty four seven. I have terrible mood swings and depression and I hate myself every single day and I haven't been happy in almost a year. The meds therapy and psycatrist aren't working. I don't know what else to do. ,0.6988285714285745,3.2235897400000013,3.2437142857142867,84.52900000000002,91.6,6.857142857142858,19.142857142857142,7.957251820313856,1.3908857142857145,197,6,37,5,7,68,36,50,0.374,0.602,0.024,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,1,1,7,1,3,9,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999475816723656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931795115896124,0.0,0.25799468780065105,0.0,0.3108768249868643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502285187108059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523766649284125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514572018546767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188675372073592,0.0,0.29573525454901217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462019562474908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33272312196846954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425518540650019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667735999601214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806980722349287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928949296496293
suicidewatch,arabicmami,2018/01/03,"feeling very close to the end hi guys, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've struggled with this thought heavily for the past four days and it keeps growing. I don't know if i want to be here anymore. i absolutely abhor myself, the way i look, the way i act, my intelligence, everything. my boyfriend and i have been growing distant and i feel as if i have nobody to talk to right now. i don't know if I'm mentally capable to make it through my last semester of college and i feel as if theres no opportunity for someone like me anywhere in life. i don't know how much longer i can keep going like this ",2.5511904761904773,3.923773166666667,4.308126984126982,86.61742857142859,75.26984126984127,7.5796825396825405,29.266666666666666,8.238735603445708,1.9229104761904767,473,21,104,8,10,160,78,126,0.09,0.7609999999999999,0.149,0.7448,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,2,1,24,24,11,0,5,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,7,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,2,4,17,4,14,21,1,14,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,4,7,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657141215187761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891091645061785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330742237414006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571034598533813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796867203057094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478834580711216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256683071447333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277737804404372,0.0,0.0,0.3039940131374391,0.15029566106305714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130234218466257,0.18015913008329165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483415573495946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307618903606984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581334510185413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554173448764856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601315660140693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746092922213928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562259812109471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275574339058427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377753140821206,0.0,0.0,0.1481989931385327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637844150365656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213417856890302,0.1087530795596608,0.2927071570865055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Help_You_Feel_Better,2018/01/03,"Resorting to narcotics before i kill myself I've struggled with depression for a few years amd gone through eating disorders and self harm addiction amd suicidal thoughts but its just become too much recently. I decided im going to resort to just weed at first but if that doesn't work try something harder until it either works or i od and die but if nothing ends up working ill probably end up killing myself.
Posted on r/depression posting it here too",7.627764705882353,8.122588011764709,7.698823529411764,70.14470588235295,63.0,11.03529411764706,38.17647058823529,10.793553405168565,4.493047058823528,371,18,59,9,5,120,68,85,0.282,0.718,0.0,-0.98,0,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,14,4,9,5,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,2,0,5,0,11,2,3,14,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,39,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850145921952354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083866492759373,0.1393312187906378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820591348972941,0.0,0.16993692595555676,0.0,0.18766095147702366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675475456634166,0.0,0.0,0.2900512004510847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927769895790404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305757525522364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686798189598324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623095008981756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203682056449814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711355367025426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31363652903915096,0.0,0.1765400967657217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616741214735414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081719093882508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605553908537245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711772617296955,0.0,0.1791056765469609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299917727591836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111691417292832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576153933460343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544359933699292
suicidewatch,Crumpehh,2018/01/03,"This is a tall mans' world... I don't deserve to be here and I should just leave it I'm 5'6. I was happy and clueless clueless about height until I was 17, when the tallest, but not particularly attractive, dude in my grade got 'most secretly admired' in high school. I'm now 20 and all I see is women saying they want tall guys... Have noticed the vast majority of CEOs are tall... Have noticed US Presidents are all tall... It's a tall mans' world. No one wants me. Everyone will look down at me (literally and figuratively). No matter what I'll just seem inferior compared to the 6' man next to me, even if he's a rapist (I saw a picture where women were choosing a literal rapist over a successful man just because the rapist was 6')

I can just stop my constant thinking about how inferior I am. I'd rather never think again than deal with these constant extremely negative thoughts. I do my utmost to not even go outside since I know I'm just seen as someone who's ugly and unwanted because of my stature. I'm already basically dead, I might as well just make it the case in the literal sense.",3.6103022875816966,5.199420754629634,4.934738562091503,82.3135294117647,72.93518518518519,8.230501089324619,29.83551198257081,8.841846274778883,2.3750253812636166,857,37,173,17,17,285,134,216,0.251,0.677,0.071,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,1,18,10,3,0,12,0,18,3,0,2,3,38,36,12,1,6,11,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,7,6,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,8,5,20,5,19,24,4,28,0,2,4,3,14,18,0,4,9,109,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802070534437679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909392254810868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529413988621351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835647737774978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157179467931689,0.0,0.0,0.1560413973303011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280789626708892,0.0,0.13060697337424065,0.0,0.0,0.1616939685062767,0.0,0.1738372782869693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253679711634168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974612784074394,0.0,0.0,0.17291250567349556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713196971830718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900489073502424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323688084403074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594803546169833,0.0,0.17367279301705227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718392416235528,0.0,0.0,0.11065719215523401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298637540672174,0.0,0.16526964131448946,0.13012999929442767,0.14866337707526778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508452897814782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836466781466922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652720512249433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927376790923224,0.0,0.12964299713076927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643136602468975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263868417349192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468274870378591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AloneTheUnwanted,2018/01/03,"I feel like despite deciding not to kill myself a piece of me died. I had planned on a nice last day by a lake and then killing myself this New Years Eve. I ended up deciding not to, but it feels like a part of me still went. I can barely get motivated to leave bed and I feel numb.",1.4252459016393428,2.690856114754105,3.289311475409839,93.20937704918032,78.01639344262296,6.847213114754098,22.036065573770493,7.554174236665415,0.5510695081967212,217,6,53,3,5,73,44,61,0.14400000000000002,0.659,0.197,0.5348,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,7,4,3,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,9,3,8,5,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,10,34,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975190689079262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409903460613235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566318585311436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522268682136133,0.33177214144761435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131663076414136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137970544765034,0.0,0.0,0.1892766662087913,0.0,0.2458697476367113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268855886327593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242633762551043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514535258559782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854378405817092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152547683265092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953130022382022
suicidewatch,Toaster_was_taken,2018/01/03,"I hate myself I truly hate everything about me :
My personality , my look , my face , how I behave around others and how I talk with one another. I can’t help but always think of suicide as a reset button , an easy escape from our shitty world. I try to change sometimes, but I am always concerned about the opinion of others , so I try to avoid any situation. I don’t know what to do next.

Suicide is my only option right?
I am stuck in this personality , body and this world where I feel like I’m the only one that lives with these  thoughts.

Pls...Someone help

",2.6102727272727293,4.654674936363642,4.254545454545454,84.1518181818182,76.9090909090909,6.218181818181819,21.909090909090907,7.1686216300943375,0.7318363636363641,433,12,85,5,10,145,73,110,0.222,0.6459999999999999,0.132,-0.936,0,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,0,0,7,4,2,1,4,0,6,2,2,2,0,16,15,8,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,2,18,1,13,13,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,2,58,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27318481656989385,0.0,0.0,0.11163290728518932,0.1721337265059076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613521153621484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234226672586146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365714552234932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753441142055074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830030967933609,0.11727433788447983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32414360833225603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006297497673355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021681283068768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019919052377275,0.0,0.1449543112461164,0.0,0.13785117578703435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458364208432114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247509576688235,0.249698750277494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866724516201353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018983169932409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845202022892172,0.0,0.0,0.13909033892545505,0.0,0.1623562239984576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591238952188756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319437908104193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518566541022743,0.0,0.1303229263295984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22290468943060893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiahPenguin,2018/01/03,"Can’t do this Stream of consciousness: 

I just can’t do this anymore. I’m so unfocused at work and I have piles & piles of work that I’m behind on. I just can’t focus. 

I feel like my partner is sick of me, he doesn’t ever wanna do *it* with me. Neither did my previous partners. Something is wrong with me, guys are meant to want it, but when it comes to me none of them do. I’m unattractive, overweight and disgusting. 

I can’t stop binge eating, it’s like I have to compulsively eat shit all the time. I’m *morbidly obese* on the BMI charts, I know I have to lose weight, but I can’t because I can’t stop

I’m seeing a shrink, but he thinks I have ADHD, doesn’t talk about the suicidal thoughts that run screaming around my head.

I’m sitting at my desk, ignoring SO much work, planning in my mind for the first quiet night at home to pull out that rope and hang myself. I have the noose ready, all I have to do is find some alone time & something that will hold my weight.

My dad died May last year, I still cry every night thinking about him. I can’t believe he is gone. But I can’t talk about him with family because I’m told to toughen up, or ‘it’s hard on us too!’ I wish I was the one that had cancer instead of him, but I didn’t, and he is dead. 

I want to die. I don’t see the point of living without my dad, or living while being unwanted & pushed away. I don’t see the point if I can’t focus on something for more than 2 fucking minutes. I’m sick of being sorry that I exist, walking on eggshells because my own mind berates me for everything I do.

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suicidewatch,Kobato_Snow,2018/01/03,"I'm doing my best to hold onto life, but feel I'm losing grip. I posted a couple of days ago, so I feel awkward for making another one, but my mood is spinning out of control, it's completely insane. I keep hurting myself by getting into these arguments on reddit, and expressing these controversial opinions, but I don't know how to make myself stop, I've lost all self control.

I get so angry at myself, the people I argue with, and just the whole world in general, that I get into these episodes of self harm and temptation to kill myself. I feel like I have to hold myself back, like holding back a dog trying to attack someone.

I'm so tired of this shit I do to myself, and the world that is beginning to look so ugly, I try to be a nice person, and be positive to those around me, but I can't take it because I'm just so exhausted of the crap.

I don't think I can last another day like this, it might end up going bad really soon.",7.1072481289579725,5.059329212435237,8.180587219343696,74.60671272308579,65.16580310880829,11.064824409902133,32.84340817501439,9.725611199111238,2.9014437535981568,730,22,147,12,9,252,113,193,0.324,0.589,0.087,-0.9961,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,5,12,18,5,1,7,0,12,5,2,5,1,35,32,15,1,0,6,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,11,10,0,7,5,0,0,1,3,12,0,1,1,5,23,5,26,28,3,23,0,3,1,0,5,11,2,2,13,103,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923436011618707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208941447909425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197417760418225,0.0,0.15302372339132825,0.0,0.20685866576509004,0.11230962961055344,0.08199560808279864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115918987552192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103042001332092,0.0,0.3017271881830267,0.0,0.14883195894114967,0.0,0.1734947147173743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191352968328921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040357992271827,0.09609345588100368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082664002649684,0.0,0.07644472309260396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439949652872156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955802761171445,0.1488145881408288,0.0,0.07392278208392042,0.10964301519879002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500788175586407,0.1971433183586944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295391743489805,0.15048147719645066,0.14683276754089009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957197659125118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426930888233542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114696866059313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325179784551037,0.11744831426460035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882270759992473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617008851251144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280645027016045,0.0,0.1380718420684847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396927570098768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245578027283937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011342380134367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618811481475319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459862923647014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264594220577346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017480653646045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blaconator36,2018/01/03,"Suggestions I feel like I'm at the end of the road, nothing feels more perfect than to end it. I have absolutely 0 friends and I'm not interested in making any because I'm too awkward. My gf cheated on me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. I have no real push to do anything or eat, only listen to music. I need a way that'll make it look like an accident. I feel like the single most insignificant human this earth has birthed. ",2.2316011235955067,4.134148831460678,4.261109550561798,84.32739466292136,77.53932584269663,6.6971910112359545,27.97893258426966,7.6454224807358475,1.7229651685393264,342,15,69,5,8,117,65,89,0.191,0.696,0.113,-0.7559999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,1,5,0,6,1,0,2,1,15,18,3,0,2,2,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,8,6,10,17,3,9,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,6,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076316627784166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052826431099029,0.0,0.0,0.17033860424701305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618175395556488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211806761032204,0.0,0.0,0.36667087576718144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31398748808855304,0.2957534211947729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599232192459822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033807574913141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382301017507165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763404955137487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348358972773574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972330693999771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742843019794478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23560473672422105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209055272809602,0.16430237534816775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ee-raye-sir-head,2018/01/03,"I hate my life and I wanna die This is probably gonna be not very cogent, but whatever. Anyways, I'm eighteen, and I've been suicidal since I got into high school, about three years ago. There were a few moments when I was in middle school where I felt suicidal, but they were few and far between. I've never really had any close friends. I certainly don't now, but I kinda did when I was in middle school. I had a group of some friends and we'd text each other often, we'd see movies about once every other month or so, we didn't hangout at each other's houses very often, but, at the time, that didn't seem so bad. In recent years, I've spent so much of my time alone, and I hate it so much. When I began high school, my friends were all put into different classes, or rather I was separated from them. I saw them a lot less, and I had make new friends, but I didn't. I mean, I kinda did, but all my friends from high school don't text me, or see me outside of school, nor do they seem to express any interest in doing so (some of them have even explicitly told me that they don't want anything to do with me outside of school). I have a girlfriend, and she's really the only reason I haven't killed myself for all the time we've known each other. We met by her just telling me she liked me about a year ago. I didn't know her when she told me, but I thought that things would finally get a lot better when she did it. From the start, she's always been a lot better than me, at least from a social perspective. She has a lot of friends, she hangs out and goes to parties and shit with her friends pretty often, she's had relationships in the past whereas I haven't, and she doesn't make conversations awkward as much as I do. At first, the large difference in our social statuses intimidated me quite a bit, but I figured that she'd sorta lift me up. Maybe some of her friends would become my friends, maybe she'd invite me to a few events or parties with her friends, but that hasn't happened. We'll spend a lot of time together, but I'm still very closed off socially. Seeing her life and hearing about her past also just reminds me of how little I've done in my life. I said that my high point in life was when I was in middle school, but those years of my life are nothing compared to everything she's done. She's two years younger than me, yet her life is way more saturated than mine. No matter what my future holds, I'll never be able to take back the nothingness that has plagued me for these last few years, and I fucking hate it.
Again, sorry for that not being very cohesive, but I wanted to get out everything I could.",6.877172864036332,5.105956291512918,6.996088560885607,82.03334941810958,65.42066420664207,10.183479988646043,31.731762702242406,8.730908602173464,2.187856996877661,2058,59,452,25,26,664,224,542,0.08900000000000001,0.768,0.14300000000000002,0.9842,1,1,0,0,0,2,64.0,6,0,6,4,32,23,6,1,19,0,52,8,1,4,7,88,86,44,4,7,21,0,1,1,11,4,6,2,0,0,20,26,0,1,9,1,2,2,18,8,0,3,33,7,87,15,58,41,25,73,0,0,4,1,57,32,2,20,39,321,107,9,0.05476886947104002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709859644317792,0.0,0.0,0.056724031345189614,0.0,0.043798645128543166,0.045572086842561886,0.0,0.0,0.07448941868973483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045070112964552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211387994267414,0.045729718311112284,0.0,0.06048791335922521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687722860433297,0.05979342044954757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043728485689155897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568414396216012,0.11444362327517392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209513762840567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03617432174811192,0.0,0.046145134691322164,0.0,0.0984454567269614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258670359786344,0.059996619424334215,0.0,0.0465863723933767,0.0,0.0,0.4231429269327063,0.050632937292171463,0.057228947593786925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380366814743372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484319303962716,0.0,0.0,0.16221875930574906,0.0,0.0,0.06172849637405092,0.0,0.0,0.2314652704629913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319592196040598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060593639386598265,0.0,0.030099538331606838,0.04464393852253008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210923329175706,0.026757303141094983,0.054892795508254016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328126713548584,0.0,0.0,0.07311729131832101,0.0,0.1100453816401124,0.05965935489822945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371598908629043,0.0,0.12078426254431072,0.0,0.08448225705953846,0.05289611542155788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052552207382040944,0.0,0.0,0.058327058524124974,0.0,0.04165419321250512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456616627372692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177428451320787,0.0,0.0,0.055719630016042826,0.059050104588362275,0.0,0.0,0.05505784108164782,0.0,0.0582534343158501,0.0,0.0,0.0701726804404042,0.05631151955855852,0.05407765123700723,0.058801269134680666,0.0,0.0,0.05209773681186968,0.0,0.0,0.4434321590006686,0.1309310940569532,0.09971904358310754,0.0,0.0,0.05621945746221997,0.04530537479232497,0.0,0.0,0.1674898956580701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061309265379442514,0.03876568770542625,0.0,0.0437384899074054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981650770819086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041179373772316855,0.0,0.04787040595332848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03638600324794699,0.0,0.0,0.043480364617919744,0.12774467291257854,0.0,0.0,0.10466800369583404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535012272452158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076021269452786,0.06460819645299427,0.043472979305077666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778124669531892,0.0,0.0,0.21161613762857434
suicidewatch,barkatthemoon777,2018/01/03,"So today I learnt my cousin committed suicide New Years Eve. I'm looking for support around this. I suffer from depression and suicidal feelings myself and this has amplified those thoughts again as I have partly blamed myself for not doing enough and noticing his grief towards the end of last year.

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suicidewatch,eelappeal,2018/01/03,"I've never felt so lost I've been deep in the woods of depression for about three years now. I've taken antidepressants, gone through meditation courses, done yoga, acupuncture, all of the shit it feels like. By the end of it all, I still feel so lost and I long for disassociation with any contact whatsoever, even in my own body. I jumped off a cliff on a vacation once back when I was happy and that's pretty much the one feeling I actually love - everything was silent and I had no time to think or to feel anything; all I had to do was feel the air hitting my feet and let gravity take my bones. It was absolutely exhilarating to not think or feel. I've never been really able to find anything like it since, and with all of the wandering through finding nothing, I've gotten lost in everything. I'm so tired of being conscious.",3.9103964134025486,5.6474599263803675,5.1539877300613535,80.44343086361492,72.43558282208589,8.450967437470505,27.875884851344967,9.057496981413335,2.244620953279849,660,25,131,14,13,219,98,163,0.106,0.755,0.14,0.7165,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,9,9,1,0,8,0,12,6,4,0,6,28,31,11,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,12,1,0,2,4,5,0,2,16,7,10,4,23,12,6,19,0,4,0,1,2,7,1,2,12,85,15,0,0.1334388623120472,0.0,0.13021708082925718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074300218575622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961762790978867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260624842855404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822049439050874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493069657948593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655428512867174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818722525578824,0.0,0.0,0.08813511006522406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398524905171126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048241890450399,0.09532874989807193,0.12812223382756066,0.0,0.2439214054087855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204815021673656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645027747359104,0.0,0.13038297573676325,0.0,0.0,0.11808919407004692,0.0,0.0,0.4369928434381866,0.0,0.12043378303764075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809291747163504,0.0,0.20583255371994924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280381872544274,0.0,0.0,0.14210803338898348,0.09042162652754338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575529510829912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548435209444696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369730745953393,0.1103820058236807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656444781240627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003294177873446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710044698889041,0.0,0.0,0.07780927370105976,0.15336834257806778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859302523640058
suicidewatch,AgoEta,2018/01/03,"I think tomorrow morning will be it. I don’t want to live anymore. Hey,

I feel like a fucking asshole posting here. I just made a new reddit account for this. I’ve felt like this for a long time. I lost the woman I wanted children with. The woman I wanted to marry. I’m 26 and spent five years with her. I was bad to her. I had never been on prescription medication in my life but I’m on Celexa now. I can’t wake up in time for work. I drink a lot now. I don’t skate or make music or write or progress or do anything like I used to. I’m not sad right now, I just know I have to do this. I searched “suicide” on reddit and this was the only result. I feel like the app is blocking communities that I could post to. 

I almost did this earlier but I have four younger siblings that I love so much. But shit, every day is regret.  She’s probably going to marry her new man soon and I don’t want to be around for it.

I just don’t feel afraid of it anymore. I’ve figured out arrangements and wouldn’t leave my family with too much to deal with.",-0.07313901345291285,1.975872233183857,2.1757955156950683,95.35070672645742,86.7578475336323,5.0029775784753365,19.233901345291482,6.360717304075467,-0.07913653811659183,800,23,186,8,25,270,120,223,0.11,0.773,0.117,-0.1064,0,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,2,1,8,0,21,7,2,4,1,44,42,12,1,7,11,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,10,10,1,1,7,1,2,1,8,7,0,2,9,4,29,5,26,28,3,25,0,3,0,2,12,9,2,6,17,122,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356243165913991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686416002337411,0.0,0.0,0.11145617216649144,0.12057095579601805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308734373967867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813839391491566,0.0,0.0,0.0873480595933581,0.13963343501734815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326803426647813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411464801179945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768145679033424,0.0,0.205448692533452,0.19351775469354,0.13004433102889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521276306917434,0.0,0.0,0.07697408234213884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744346775668836,0.0,0.0,0.14341216626000658,0.0,0.0,0.09566578591133153,0.2646779774393228,0.0,0.11959663704573058,0.11986077502558012,0.0,0.0,0.14784954516121607,0.11514685663857233,0.12224053765318788,0.12815728397292403,0.0904077322363466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644227619573748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912902624597906,0.0,0.10446023282931896,0.2616189824951465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030087706636254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594295407499032,0.0,0.1460280037155924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156656347445845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902795262448386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481501646336564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678494444447002,0.0,0.0,0.15795314589842055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697729562341155,0.0,0.0,0.3195457829402377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860245716603216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721938300623824
suicidewatch,Nimik1234,2018/01/03,"Here's to 2018. Hopefully I get cancer or some other disease, so I can finally be free of this pain. Anyone else?",-0.5341304347826075,1.5504033043478316,2.5568478260869583,86.97266304347826,102.91304347826087,5.778260869565218,18.793478260869566,7.1686216300943375,1.0437913043478262,88,3,17,2,4,31,22,23,0.259,0.539,0.202,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896303933161197,0.4244146120673451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34602543415789694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537548462962683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641146258136976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41141127850528175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44075645144660747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,luciavdh,2018/01/03,"Today I give up I got stabbed in the back..hard... by people who, to be fair, aren’t very important to me, but close friends or not it sucks to be treated like you’re completely worthless. I’m an extremely sensitive person and it just set me off so badly.  I’m not going to kill myself today, but how the hell am I supposed to have any will to live when other people need me out of their lives in order to be happy.  I’ve spent too long wanting to die and I thought I was doing better but now I think it’s just a matter of time ",2.638517699115045,3.334425805309735,4.4337942477876116,88.4326382743363,74.13274336283186,7.065929203539826,23.85951327433629,7.1686216300943375,0.8008592920353981,408,11,91,4,8,139,81,113,0.171,0.621,0.208,0.2364,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,3,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,18,20,9,2,2,8,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,11,5,16,12,0,15,1,1,0,0,5,6,2,1,7,60,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960503482839784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785623729041665,0.1714095513110892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156335639722676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524388513722092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305982239228985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860744812060493,0.0,0.0,0.19693399588461388,0.11667170242517134,0.0,0.16419010175942708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853626704704487,0.18390056435853552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227124262364828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002948956410996,0.0,0.36255172712366185,0.1816762246554158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522208007685391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846460963869001,0.17925233054501338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154229196529432,0.0,0.16297825714332292,0.11970693170116282,0.0,0.3891840487770912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938671446690812,0.12108605053811765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway919582,2018/01/03,"I just don't think I can do it anymore, i'm trying so hard but I can't. I can't keep feeling the way that I do all the time, I can feel it destroying me. I can't keep living trapped in this life, I hate myself so deeply I can't imagine things getting any better. I've always tried to be what everyone wants me to be and I continue to fail and fail over and over again. I want to be tough, I don't want to hurt my family, but I feel like I need to get out. I feel this constant pit in my stomach and I'm always on edge. I feel like it's driving me insane. I'd try to get help but i'm in the military, displaying how pathetic and weak I am would only further damage my career and life. I have to do this, I just have to. I'm so sick and tired of dreading every morning I wake up, I just want to sleep forever. I feel like I'm being selfish and pathetic for thinking this way and I just cannot stand it, I can't stand the person that I am. I'm scared of dying but it's all I have, it's the only thing I can control. I feel like I need to drive out until I can find a fall that will kill me. Sorry for this long and pointless rambling, I guess I just felt like I had to get some of this shit out there somehow. Happy new year guys.",0.004322742474915486,1.5440869963768158,2.573188405797101,95.52125418060206,83.02173913043478,5.550501672240802,19.67335562987737,6.490185161304077,-0.05485406911928648,945,25,233,9,26,328,125,276,0.259,0.607,0.134,-0.9937,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,4,12,20,4,2,6,0,27,9,4,2,2,50,57,19,2,7,9,0,9,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,18,13,0,3,12,0,0,3,8,13,0,0,2,9,41,7,28,49,3,26,0,4,0,0,3,11,1,3,13,149,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823106366442162,0.0,0.0,0.07283147012052403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621412606200106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472098325594773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573673024252555,0.12012142292156565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115258205065623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902361182996245,0.1023383551360504,0.0,0.0,0.1009640676314374,0.0,0.3790697920283464,0.30604819468572325,0.1028325096152869,0.0,0.09788718756196693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22382069614836805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798239653166782,0.10604554339721617,0.0,0.11400962453289742,0.09594029667117483,0.1057387830306094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178667283879836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146524463241248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039027254916574,0.11848995237459135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129537399666448,0.26161752346914435,0.0,0.09457099922509432,0.09477986624096298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882614429377204,0.0,0.1034375597925799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629082992840792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351532895766164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722548562464547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993630527327508,0.0,0.0,0.1071770483524001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198893482628154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423045664725176,0.13725032938291667,0.0,0.0,0.06245069764231299,0.12309535270877535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181410028117752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25268071692741784,0.1700215170960516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608055562241141,0.0,0.0,0.06896869683335814
suicidewatch,throwaway04013030123,2018/01/03,"Help me I'm 19 and I'm close to killing myself. I feel like shit , I don't show it though. I have about a 100 'friends' , and only a few close friends. The close friends don't understand me and are getting on my nerves , and the other 'friends' aren't my friends. At home it's horrible , my parents are divorced , I live with my mom who angers me pretty much every day. I can't stay at home and I got to go somewhere because of that anger but often there's no one to call and I'm just left home feeling angry and sad. I turned to drugs but  it didn't change anything just made me feel like an even bigger shit. I'm close to dropping out of college , I have no motivation to study , no motivation to do anything , no motivation to live. My best friend was a girl who I was madly in love with. But when I tried to make a move she turned me down , and now we're barely friends. I used to be fit , working out every day , playing professional soccer but now I'm just getting overweight and don't feel like doing anything about it. I keep failing my driver's test I can't even FUCKING drive. I messed up everything in my life I feel like every time I try to do something I just fuck things up even more. I just don't feel like living anymore and I'm very close to committing suicide.",2.553896103896101,3.939647939393944,3.6158874458874446,91.52954545454548,75.28787878787878,6.24069264069264,25.829004329004327,6.655083550727371,0.8078140692640696,992,35,220,8,21,320,129,264,0.207,0.59,0.203,-0.6389,1,0,2,0,1,3,25.0,0,0,0,6,16,26,8,0,7,0,18,8,2,6,1,44,44,16,2,0,9,2,6,5,7,0,3,0,3,1,9,19,1,1,10,3,0,3,12,11,0,1,5,6,32,15,28,38,4,29,0,2,0,3,17,18,4,1,11,131,41,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544396797753669,0.0,0.0,0.21269805414812445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252012338206589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904157947251098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797528646981029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114201536743176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111274620207904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991403618131944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071640916460687,0.0,0.2177713724606549,0.0,0.07743178982051327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137949581273,0.3077506391551577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659493833466417,0.15930035123007996,0.09002629454036874,0.0,0.04896465045636608,0.0,0.06890711949799269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057748798607745476,0.0,0.2592655911420415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657974016294852,0.09531925810362113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360914792506586,0.0,0.06085479196700405,0.21045825189590492,0.0,0.2282329590889552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775948755299297,0.0815232403197638,0.05751004588569215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090529907134298,0.0,0.09157058626103773,0.06333484511391957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838178595031224,0.06552580162067373,0.0,0.0,0.0956664527922178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765200190487571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687655108803785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632738272489626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183122678336594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424108486407852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723846380676965,0.0,0.08464819593142643,0.0,0.05023847210690016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698903934213604,0.18742677993058687,0.0,0.08969181947462819,0.0,0.07441144106236049,0.0,0.0710880281458468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272286336345845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sooeys,2018/01/03,"I just want unbiased professional help with logistics.. I'm not looking for help on reddit.. and I'm not looking for help on methods or anything like that.  I just want to be able to have a professional and honest conversation about the logistics of any plans I may or may not set in my head, but this doesn't seem possible without all of the emotional baggage included.  

Is there somewhere where this could happen? Am I searching for the wrong thing? I would rather it be in-person, in order to gauge their honestly, but if an online service exists that *isn't* reddit/omegle/etc.., that may work too.  
Thanks",5.567894736842103,6.931740657894737,5.907850877192985,78.0870394736842,67.85964912280701,9.208771929824564,30.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.8711087719298245,481,19,87,10,8,154,76,114,0.045,0.767,0.188,0.9129,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,5,0,12,1,1,0,1,24,21,7,0,6,12,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,7,4,15,14,1,7,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,7,1,63,14,4,0.20884947313123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420248034828324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186532125862133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674931005898885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349275469020577,0.0,0.0,0.23292236940629565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846848993539696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433981250709905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41996219844573546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203330317755006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35076191469266604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235930423847885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354464007454933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901287165010264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228053504759315,0.0,0.0,0.13875030982158867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463696607121262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132343928767707,0.0,0.15204490382475538,0.0,0.0,0.1483606735283066,0.2283441131294457,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ladyofchances,2018/01/03,"No one takes me seriously My parents don't take me seriously. I can't tell them about my depression without my parents making me feel even worse or selfish. When I told my mom that I wanted to go back to the psychiatrist that had recommended putting me on medication, she told me ""I think you just want to take drugs."". Which is insane because I don't smoke anything or drink but she used to smoke and take oxys, so I feel like she's just projecting onto me. 

My dad is tripping out about helping me with school. I pay for everything with loans, which is fine, but the school I transferred to requires a 200$ deposit and he's been shitting on me all week about that. He's never even bought me a car or done anything for me that would put me a little bit ahead in life. He had given me his old blue car but I just found out that he sold it to someone. He also never taught me how to drive like he promised he would and wouldn't put me up for lessons. So it's hard to do things like go to the doctor when I need to, get immunization records, go to a gym, or to run any errands for that matter. Meanwhile, he can give his girlfriend $8000 for a deposit on her house and her brother $2000 money for his rent. His girlfriend makes six figures and gets paid more than him. His girlfriend is also married and lives in New York City with her husband and their kids. He recently got 500k from when my grandfather died and I'm not saying I'm entitled to any of his money but I'm struggling and it hurts to see him help other people out but not me. I'm not even pursuing what I really want to in college because of him and I'm starting to wonder why I even chose this path. I don't mean to demonize my parents, I still love them, but they haven't been making my life easy. 

 Doctors won't take me seriously when I tell them I feel sick. They misdiagnose me with things like it's just gas when it turns out to be an ulcer. One doctor kept trying to diagnose the bumps/rash on my hand with ringworm and I kept telling her the ring-shaped scar on my hand is from a cut. Turns out, I discovered from another doctor I have eczema and I was just having a really bad reaction to something. I got some medicated lotion and my hands went from feeling like they were on fire to being smooth. My vertigo sometimes makes the simplest tasks very hard and also gives me some intense migraines. I have a migraine as I'm typing this up, actually. 

Another problem; I can tell that a fall that I had from when I was younger is giving me all kinds of neurological issues. From random jerks to 10-minute muscles spasms, especially so on the side of my temples that I smacked right into a toilet when I slipped and fell in the bathroom.

 These are minor inconveniences but it adds on to my stress, and lately, all I can think about is walking into moving traffic. Ending it all. All of my problems go, poof. No more pointless job applications, no more college major that I'm not even interested in, no more random pains, no more reliving past trauma when I see my rapist,  no more anything.. I'm having bad luck with finding a new job. My friends are all busy. My boyfriend is in the army, so he's as supportive as he can be but obviously there are limits. Honestly, I've been trying to be understanding about him working so much but I do take out my frustrations on him. Honestly, I know he's having a rough go at it with his new unit and I wish I could be a more supportive girlfriend but I don't have it in me right now. This is also the time of the year that always bums me out because my aunt died of sickle cell anemia a couple years back on new years. I'm not sure but ever since I was a kid I blamed myself for what happened to her. She was complaining about cramps all day and was crying all day on the couch and I was going to call 911 or my mom but she told me no these were just period cramps. Nope, turned out to be the sickle cell anemia + jaundice destroying her. She died that night. Even now, her death still tears me up pretty bad. I was very close to her and she was basically the 'fun' aunt that was always there for me. Now she's gone and honestly I could use a hug from her. 

This has been one long incomprehensible mess but in a nutshell: 
I'm so tired of living. I've been angry at myself all day. I went for a walk to try to blow off some steam and couldn't walk into traffic. Then I was even angrier at myself for being too scared to do it. I don't want to be selfish but I've never been much of a fighter and honestly, I feel so tired. Everything is starting to get to me.",3.5543965844402265,4.689057390322585,4.614361163820366,86.3391888045541,72.40860215053762,7.535104364326376,26.042061986084754,7.928766900206844,1.3490069576217592,3583,115,758,48,68,1172,359,930,0.177,0.721,0.102,-0.9977,6,0,5,0,1,0,87.0,0,1,7,5,50,46,6,3,34,0,71,30,4,7,15,136,149,66,4,14,31,10,13,5,5,4,22,1,2,2,36,43,1,4,15,2,10,23,27,25,0,4,38,17,129,21,117,96,23,109,1,2,3,3,84,43,1,12,48,515,165,17,0.0,0.0,0.050621709181000056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593502724093362,0.08632693373794126,0.0,0.0,0.0705524319483304,0.1087891852023082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806407139837225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977607292417041,0.12993830114044164,0.09486604178289587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663316080899905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052969329751912014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283461101067413,0.05739778493698496,0.056981342398001025,0.10036364898269966,0.0,0.044679148550758385,0.05265119289548354,0.16151160277348753,0.0,0.0,0.2123816535971208,0.0,0.0530852885441881,0.0,0.05081694010569252,0.060157570855411936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594511954735536,0.0,0.0,0.239836810759495,0.04692315865652739,0.0,0.0,0.09324232231266424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311457006815592,0.07411783804700751,0.0,0.0,0.04741205366066717,0.0,0.0,0.056877352376353364,0.04007785680431303,0.0,0.08130634192628558,0.14928729855668188,0.17688772519771645,0.0,0.08297702869535085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587215920749442,0.0,0.09293813842827027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954032840302551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598558300219085,0.055532374285500834,0.0,0.0,0.054143158500546566,0.10295422329283696,0.0,0.0,0.05401896779027719,0.02850868844422195,0.0,0.05851632578288296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328052392964704,0.1267155014892808,0.05199154843295093,0.09161168895908137,0.04590701006015396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681846576251408,0.0,0.13850565115748406,0.0,0.0,0.05650618101975699,0.0,0.10451554221322644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150880718210393,0.0,0.055134035635124534,0.07626697065150717,0.03846404143139874,0.12002567875165535,0.2004015952469653,0.0,0.04868039660796802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054433217605989966,0.0,0.1054538449011646,0.0,0.055197776679781714,0.0,0.17280038818238933,0.0,0.049519767101777495,0.03596301947379619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052774682284300746,0.0,0.09927315417497183,0.0,0.15644361257461073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646384612054726,0.0,0.05121948695446425,0.0,0.0,0.08860051933921717,0.0,0.041252423853528924,0.051935095949186716,0.1049988635027005,0.08267399823009251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532480923672711,0.04291085134175707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043952817813114144,0.039935272144205364,0.05130488277876637,0.0,0.07343361223314845,0.0,0.08285356194195159,0.0,0.059421689052899226,0.05423014793063158,0.0,0.0,0.11773239187511393,0.04889079344417427,0.0,0.23401753028957,0.0,0.18136125198821476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068925790083425,0.06647774998671474,0.0,0.0,0.030248247002592182,0.11924346001487955,0.0,0.14870398382372346,0.0,0.10565747355195353,0.16927261010776862,0.0,0.05400284275778828,0.0,0.0896052588655046,0.0,0.0856032496253986,0.12238692323645163,0.0,0.041610331980656674,0.0,0.0,0.09617575476987084,0.04680837194825885,0.0,0.05965273802411221,0.050004850919102284,0.0562553270058747,0.03776501521962382,0.0,0.052864213261768205,0.07369984725364935,0.0,0.0,0.10021579851089626
suicidewatch,D4RKR4GN4R0K,2018/01/03,"Mental health My mental health is fucked I have DiD and I really don't want to live with it, no one likes me because they think I'm weird, I also suffer from asburgers, acute paranoia, and anxiety. I can't keep friends, and I don't think I will ever see love. I see myself as a prisoner for the top 1% and enslaved. What's the point",0.3720000000000033,2.573241271428575,2.488214285714289,92.80803571428574,86.28571428571428,5.7857142857142865,18.75,7.1686216300943375,0.3280000000000003,259,7,57,4,8,87,52,70,0.328,0.56,0.112,-0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,1,0,3,0,7,4,0,0,1,10,16,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,2,11,3,5,14,0,3,0,1,2,2,3,2,1,0,2,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730140524958259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550623533171965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188421682072507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569987048684367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715054166335985,0.20001097396907072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599373024549477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230074884351536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105697092608995,0.0,0.1910399489046252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526323351725536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360573973939115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466035420488244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045195405568456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859857744294496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448039562871154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772551429857141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760812417795891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuirkyBarista,2018/01/03,"I don't know how to feel okay With the new year coming around, and my birthday in a few days, I've been thinking a lot about my life. Lately I've been feeling a lot. And I mean a lot. I go on a rollercoaster of emotions in just an hour, but in the end I seem to always come back to thinking bad thoughts.

I think about suicide and self harm and all of that. Lately I've also been pretty out of touch with the things going on around me, lost in my own head, and it hasn't been good for me. At this point I just feel and feel, and think too much for my own good. My anxiety kicks in and I end up getting suicidal. 

I've been dealing with this for a while, so I notice the pattern of myself starting to get better, but crashing dramatically after a bit. I'm starting to crash again, and I'm not sure how to cope. Each time, life hits harder than before. I'm about 8 months clean from self harm, and I've been trying so hard to keep this streak up, as it's the longest I've ever gone, and I'm scared that I'll end up hurting myself and then killing myself from guilt and overwhelming feeling after.

I don't know how to be or feel okay, and it's taking a toll on me worse than ever.",4.0530952380952385,3.7641746269841256,4.962793650793653,89.40442857142858,70.58730158730158,7.513650793650794,25.53015873015873,6.42735559955562,0.6992377777777778,914,22,212,5,15,299,126,252,0.239,0.695,0.066,-0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,2,18,15,1,3,14,2,10,3,1,3,4,55,42,26,3,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,9,23,0,1,15,0,0,5,4,9,0,0,9,8,20,6,43,31,10,42,0,3,0,0,3,16,0,5,21,138,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322034294414643,0.08659000032050923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960905755925582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527893566912146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001917687755025,0.08688951060976711,0.0,0.0,0.08855122467207899,0.0,0.0,0.09203659341824057,0.11361148138283515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792847042653903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711299337130602,0.1072859299034109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705855564877235,0.2765107766997734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826459586492933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157088275190376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087388121506932,0.0,0.1182845068806347,0.17456873035912154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322135152768107,0.0,0.1068001994698814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248257016931832,0.0,0.11140319941809228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924973089544828,0.11513195066165215,0.0,0.11438225520745095,0.0,0.2347785771553662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700766761431708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359869458519505,0.2654157492091164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335674790592175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830632909585772,0.0,0.07649938121520226,0.0,0.0,0.10050614243604616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847812283055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837458899086,0.0,0.0,0.10587100822518697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418671856311436,0.0,0.0,0.0947364122873328,0.2171239379654905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731477724222286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276593449998636,0.0,0.09807955956949199,0.0,0.07824355291127666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913582965349807,0.26672131829125423,0.0,0.08261558877495276,0.06068084673551068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065296443479767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060506158408388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701412602406763
suicidewatch,DongMeister2210,2018/01/03,"Everyday suicide looks better I've lost everything to depression/anxiety. I'm so alone and everyday the fantasy of suicide gets more and more appealing. I know life can get better, but everything hurts so much I'm scared that I'm going to spend the rest of my life hating myself. ",4.0430188679245305,6.591455943396228,5.464754716981133,74.76279245283024,74.47169811320755,10.277735849056604,29.467924528301893,10.355215969177356,3.920716226415095,227,10,38,8,5,76,36,53,0.342,0.597,0.061,-0.9578,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,11,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,4,10,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042973950732467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281587845575846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764651728558007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825593115896189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239184541749915,0.0,0.12095731620200308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012751273715696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278410313115166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696688751458928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006590364989736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872525603732314,0.0,0.23233124241609016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645599050841888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308193598008607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656072736098581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gakap,2018/01/03,"Stuck I've never posted anything like this before, but I'm at a breaking point and I have nobody else to turn to. 

I'm pretty young still, I'm always told I have my whole life ahead of me, but I don't see it that way. I feel stuck. There's so much I want to do, I want to be known in history and everything, I want to live. But at the same time, I don't. I don't see the point, I die anyways, why even try when I'm a failure? Who knows if I'll even graduate on time, especially with it approaching so quickly?

I try to be positive, I really do. My family has gone through some really tough times, I grew up super fucking fast because of it. I don't have friends, I isolate myself and convince myself I'm annoying. I tell myself nobody likes me. I've been to the therapist and psychiatrist before, I'm depressed and anxious, but nothing helped. I don't want to resort to medication because I've seen how it effects people.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I had a breakdown today, they're becoming more common especially after the new year. I feel like I'm giving up without really knowing it. I just want to rip the hair from my skull. I'm starting to miss what it felt like to hurt myself. ",1.593525405971711,3.450737530120481,3.939001222280425,86.10435306443165,79.32128514056225,6.900715907106688,24.079099004714518,7.893859768569023,1.3365675222629645,931,33,195,16,23,323,132,249,0.17800000000000002,0.687,0.135,-0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,0,3,11,14,2,0,8,0,15,5,2,2,2,31,47,14,1,6,8,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,8,7,29,8,26,37,5,31,0,3,3,1,6,8,1,2,20,117,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729245576755227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209399037485334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962207850430708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425549713453045,0.1291364526558758,0.19899217179077067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100708872558879,0.0,0.12135154725861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976773290034386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445808355268778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508625902093906,0.0,0.11022817102902864,0.0,0.11824339617017925,0.08353252186236003,0.11226805459736312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033734760529698,0.10809693286371584,0.0,0.11216683108097557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837356236642085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517254661773408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128519811342788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258884943940406,0.22849809281787326,0.0,0.10324849742606812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779143921259096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595464413414862,0.0,0.09018114845721273,0.1129286220248489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121944081662999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106231346160125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106722052471053,0.0,0.2239670857979081,0.11895658097573028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247188865222966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635102551760802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276138350672255,0.0,0.09337788522516008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020211543821476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219916787833364,0.0,0.0,0.1357610148718178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454285397042388,0.0,0.1108329246621475,0.11172855826238108,0.0,0.15877122974189112,0.1271827707257022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448322499110129,0.0928110431004615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110164816534217,0.13054458490614484,0.0,0.11271325264438445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529701891516785
suicidewatch,GarbagioFlora,2018/01/03,"I won't kill myself No, I'll just push on through life no matter how shitty it is.  I can't honestly see taking my life since I guess I love myself just 1 or 2 iota more than what it would take to end it all.  If anything I will die from cancer somewhere along the line in an opiated haze.  Reality is colder than the afterlife.",2.8765217391304314,3.7850743333333376,4.841275362318843,84.93234782608697,73.78260869565217,7.838840579710146,23.94492753623189,8.238735603445708,1.2633744927536237,255,7,55,4,5,88,54,69,0.214,0.645,0.141,-0.7687,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,6,4,0,1,1,10,11,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,8,8,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,1,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883527270828395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30121381643382783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570584013975086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319722018829189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210974509575278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099972863387889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619446871259389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312764231711671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400819707770929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364349817628784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617167943960835,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crissps,2018/01/03,"I don't know. I don't know what to do. First of all, english is not my first language. Sorry if some things have no sense or if there are grammatical errors. And sorry for the long post.

I don't know what to feel anymore. My head is a mess, it has always been. My emotions and my way to cope with things have never been the best one, but the things I have passed haven't helped either. 

I don't know if I have depression, nor the source of why I feel like this. I have never had the guts to look for professional help. Not because I don't want to, is just that I care too much about what others could say. My family thinks I'm happy. That's good in some way, I dont want them to know that things are not fine. But whenever I'm in this mood they can't understand whats happening, therefore they think that I'm just joking around or that I have my period. Is ok, I don't want them to know. My only therapists are my friends who I have talked with about all my problems, but they don't truly understand whats going on in my head. In fact, I overwhelm them so much, most of them have decided to leave. Imagine opening to someone, someone you thought they would understand, someone you trusted, and then realize that they couldn't handle it. What I have is too much. I don't know if it is more than other people's problems, but I'm pretty sure some things I have been through are hard to swallow. 

When I was 10 I experienced how evil this world was. When I was 15, life reassured that to me. I have always been naive and stupid. All bad things that have happened in my life, are definitely my fault. 

I'm 22 and I haven't accomplish anything in life. I'm just starting college. I'm not intelligent, I'm stupid. I barely passed my first semester...

Since I was 10, I have had this feeling of sadness really deep inside. I have never seen woth on me. In fact, I think my existence is not worth not even a cent. I mean it, I'm not trying to he an attention whore or anything, I genuinely think I'm not worth it. I'm afraid of death, I truly am. I have tried to, but all my attempts have failed miserably. That's why I haven't ended this, I just can't. Therefore, I punish myself. I cut myself. My wrists, my shoulders, my legs. I used to do it regularly. But when I was 19, I met an amazing person that helped me to stop it... or to hide it? 

My boyfriend has helped me through my sadness and my suicidal feelings. It was hard at the beginning but he knew how to handle me. 3 years passed, not a single cut... until now. When I said I didnt cut myself in those 3 years, it's not because I wasn't sad anymore. I cried, I had like panic attacks about dying, I always thought about what happened to me, also my self-esteem didn't help much... I tried my hardest tk be happy those 3 years. But the times I was happy, I think I was only pretending to. But I wasn't actually happy. I love my boyfriend, I truly do. The problems I have is just me. 

I had to leave him, we are still together, but physically I had to go. My country is so fucked up right now, is impossible to have a life there. I left to look for a better future for my boyfriend and I. I left because I wanted to study, gain money and bring him wherever I am. I have met amazing people, I have only been here for 4 months now, and I can say that everything have been fine... except for how I feel. 

I started to cut myself again on October 31st, 2017. And I have done it like 5 times now. As I said before, since I don't have the guts to kill myself, my punishment is cutting. But how long can I keep doing this without going crazy? I see the blood and I imagine myself on the bathroom floor, dead. Everything would be so easy that way. No more problems. No more stress. No more bad memories. No more anything. I want to die. But at the same time I know that I'm leaving people who ""care"" about me. (I say ""care"", because I don't believe that they actually do). 

I'm hurting everyone with my problems. Everyone who decides to listen to me, they end leaving or getting overwhelmed. And with my self-harm attacks I'm making them suffer too, because they are worried. My existence is just pain for others. Of course, if I die they will feel pain. But it will be momentary. For a couple of months, or maybe for a couple of years. But if I keep being alive, the pain would last longer, at least for those who ""care"" about me. 

I don't know what to say anymore, it's hard to express what I'm feeling right now. Everything I touch, it breaks, it disappears, it starts malfunctioning. I genuinely feel I'm the biggest piece of shit ever, I don't know how to feel, what to do. I want to die, I want to stop hurting others, I want to stop breathing. At this point, I'm desperate, I'm dead inside. ",1.820082644628097,3.6682205950413262,3.3768595041322307,90.44438016528929,78.58677685950414,6.383471074380165,22.983471074380173,7.348242739294969,0.8058838842975216,3648,116,791,48,88,1204,316,968,0.244,0.643,0.113,-0.9993,0,0,0,0,0,6,167.0,1,2,14,9,41,68,15,6,23,1,107,21,10,9,11,149,195,55,9,24,45,0,13,3,1,5,7,7,0,1,64,19,1,5,37,2,4,8,43,42,0,4,32,25,149,25,90,152,23,84,0,11,4,3,45,28,2,16,46,552,213,4,0.0,0.0,0.08897270154979911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036455919540807055,0.11379614549924105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563020828045425,0.0,0.0,0.11254268759514888,0.040582108486942735,0.0,0.1037236217637829,0.0,0.0,0.07612650694928619,0.13894710654311448,0.0,0.03879119224552904,0.051360955203493715,0.047840759898671946,0.0403180103056924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591600061986105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036397522143585666,0.10088233035668966,0.05007519553475597,0.0,0.0,0.03926402934452671,0.0,0.1892484978333996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466513439662737,0.05342764223481322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512792561929102,0.08075312894988135,0.0,0.0,0.030109793561468087,0.0412360651039421,0.0,0.08712069311809649,0.12291200923212718,0.0,0.04297538073764992,0.0,0.20745148134178876,0.032567372727844685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632887538095675,0.0,0.0,0.03522041481704948,0.04214446092158214,0.02381733387826322,0.0,0.07772445377914239,0.03823622544180237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093734081617515,0.19411290123307906,0.12251103410109687,0.0,0.09357085878459488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527800765911233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760368513021422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103966731425212,0.05043527797901951,0.0,0.2505343131989698,0.037159501760510916,0.0,0.19308026717005636,0.09906085068029914,0.0,0.12879782785865615,0.066814538731362,0.0,0.0,0.08068614772609725,0.07656322267622241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411440610036842,0.0,0.030429686597832014,0.0,0.04579828402380063,0.049657623783638916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277424112546346,0.0,0.13404680576116773,0.0,0.1054785492890002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030890941263041087,0.10401293774058082,0.14552339471143252,0.053486540000782005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094812889081765,0.03980482325090801,0.0,0.0,0.0430944643368958,0.0,0.04365975909340018,0.046378383229590106,0.0,0.21810308416137295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02920420922371157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786212370012317,0.0867273814474195,0.14501049668640734,0.0,0.0,0.036326948899304864,0.0,0.09511439790828048,0.0,0.04679441594267159,0.07542010002125582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587718998907308,0.0,0.0,0.10206186238041227,0.09680017186276464,0.0,0.036405849181431284,0.11433835773628885,0.052219771825413916,0.0,0.0,0.04986479549596495,0.0,0.0429652222733924,0.0,0.0,0.03664111596759116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293003820148332,0.18171592334771672,0.14605159290754724,0.0,0.07238199581122796,0.07974646539521701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285177261825953,0.0,0.0,0.1423730714331396,0.0,0.03937254432592992,0.0,0.0,0.21510722120781356,0.10855455216208858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227038112232599,0.0,0.0,0.04394425582273071,0.0,0.0,0.04629582672546861,0.0,0.09715112280956743,0.0,0.0,0.11742617249585628
suicidewatch,throwaway6679754379,2018/01/03,"Starve myself to death. I'm very sorry if my post is a ramble, or else too short. My thought process is too scrambled at the moment to focus on anything. But even if nobody responds, I feel I may as well get this out. I hate myself. Other people hate me, and I may as well rid them of my burden. But I tried hanging, and I fucked that up. Wouldn't want anything messy to help others avoid cleanup duty, couldn't jump in front of a train or car so that I don't traumatise the driver.

So I may as well waste away. Maybe once it starts hurting I'll know if I'm really here or just stuck in some sick escapist fantasy, actually in the past.

If I am, I wake up. If I'm not, I get some rest. That'd be nice.

I don't want to die. I suppose that's the distinction. I want some rest. My life, every event, every conversation, I've seen it all before, it just feels like the past keeps turning back up. No matter how much progress I make, it just feels like a loop. I go into severe paranoid episodes that I'm stuck in timeloops, and this isn't helping. I feel this is a way to break the cycle.

I wake up to go to sleep. That's it. So figure I may as well take that to its logical extreme and live to die.

 Death is sort of the great sleep, isn't it?

Either I break free from the loops, or I break free from life altogether. Truth be told, either option is more appealing than the present.

If I fade away, maybe I'll eventually have some saccharine epiphany, and finally ""be alive"". Don't care. Anything but this.

Please. ",1.3570192307692288,3.3094780993589765,2.724333333333334,94.054,80.50641025641025,5.6984615384615385,20.656410256410254,6.742157984588678,0.18192487179487185,1165,32,263,12,30,377,161,312,0.13,0.7509999999999999,0.119,-0.1098,0,1,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,0,1,1,16,18,3,1,13,0,22,8,4,2,3,58,52,26,4,11,19,0,4,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,20,7,0,3,8,1,2,6,9,6,4,0,5,5,30,14,33,37,11,35,0,1,1,1,6,15,1,20,11,164,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.10544639190619168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667609308388133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304303470034388,0.08308786078539135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194710711894112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016958640971998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242886966743316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026634316463872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136951080034414,0.0,0.18208251210169796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185440385101846,0.15438946500205866,0.0,0.11836930648776152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989538961059824,0.11290887557830395,0.0,0.12282064155453885,0.0,0.0,0.1191313568031354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21336448867249053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485438837815706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567544038177335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604452119263897,0.0,0.0,0.059384370521200124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264531700713246,0.105580729270543,0.0,0.09541481523892499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212775610239583,0.0,0.21711215784997875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943308322583559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507537479972554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630203339231507,0.07491194404370763,0.0,0.0,0.11861227805595427,0.0,0.0,0.10348711431035526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922299621059133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207173954094552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626668535155025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095906892539506,0.07648210204575823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124414278335906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578384340719508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325147589823412,0.0,0.07336246012648806,0.11753314452887685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915694426840187,0.19120145803908814,0.08576927268024914,0.0,0.0,0.3886187895894699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xxxx3,2018/01/03,"It’s always my job Life is ok but my job gives me so much anxiety and self hate that it makes me hate my life. I don’t want to do this forever. I don’t want to think about killing myself just because my job makes me feel that way. People say just quit but I need to find another job first. I’m looking. Nothing so far that could let me keep my apartment. I was just lucky enough to find this apartment because the one we were living in kicked us out (long story, new owners, we did nothing wrong) can’t find anything cheaper. 
I don’t have anyone that I can go to for help and this stress is killing me anyway so maybe I don’t even have to worry, i feel like I could have a stroke or a heart attack at any moment my chest hurts so much and my head is pounding so hard. 
I know this is all karma punishment for me because I didn’t do well in school. I regret everything in my life. ",1.0176530005941802,2.889714155080213,2.407121212121215,96.30845959595962,81.24598930481284,5.225074272133097,20.01455733808675,6.139981653823899,-0.1350366013071893,685,18,158,5,18,221,103,187,0.237,0.68,0.08199999999999999,-0.9907,4,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,3,0,0,2,12,14,6,1,3,1,22,7,3,2,1,30,38,11,2,6,6,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,10,1,2,4,6,30,4,14,31,4,14,1,2,1,0,8,8,0,2,5,102,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960799698553279,0.0,0.0,0.07323394722369722,0.112923980472418,0.08238374134872564,0.0,0.0,0.07530043604546695,0.0,0.08862097012624316,0.0,0.0,0.1225146855224493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969433088383868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719658802263231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127415940681512,0.0,0.07112925342561033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967862215757711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890416737851807,0.07693486517721006,0.0,0.0,0.2952843784119537,0.09160237781987718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330754817613433,0.06120358988776139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647047644947523,0.21264622128723015,0.11052259980053034,0.0,0.0,0.12761500582760835,0.07218337624301073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528603211323345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427468987070844,0.09572119819013354,0.23828948954015125,0.0,0.0591844597637682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012190668657824,0.22819718075426254,0.05261265185181145,0.0,0.09509361207019172,0.09530363331501324,0.09043377958903764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376989236146442,0.0,0.10819063718044837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833136149563776,0.07985192012261509,0.0,0.10400917051739064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666589427609766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297458168116909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465976146867924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454321994525064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564064336014482,0.0,0.10898959845829843,0.0,0.0,0.11234577379999404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233603072174736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900439715023057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953967551068335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270385333241668,0.08548054013807672,0.0,0.0,0.09682763711240842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936599697973623,0.0,0.0,0.11774380474172,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayshit420,2018/01/03,"My dad almost killed himself. What do I do? My dad had been depressed for about 8 years now. Ever since him and my mom divorced his financial stability has steadily decreased through his alcoholism and terrible decisions which has lead him from owning a huge house to barely being able to pay the rent for a 2 bedroom house where he can’t even fucking afford to have me and my siblings there.

He had a girlfriend for a short while but not long after she found out he was an alcoholic she left him, leaving him even more sad.

Every time I would be with him drunk he’d go on and on about how much he loves me and my siblings and how he wishes how he could do better for us. I talked to him many times and always let me know that I loved him too, but that never pushed to him to get help.

Two days ago he called me drunk out of his mind crying hysterically about how much a failure and weak father he is. I tried talking to him for a while but it did nothing.

Then today he called me in the same state but this time he said he was “done”. My heart dropped and I started screaming at him to stop and what not. Our conversation went on until he stopped talking and put down the phone. I really thought it was the end for him, but I still called the police and gave them all the info they needed.

Luckily they got to him and he didn’t do anything harmful to himself. They took him from his house and apparently he’s getting “help” now. I wish this would make me hopeful, but it doesn’t. My dad has lost everything. He‘s stuck at a shit low paying job, lost his girlfriend, can barely afford rent, or to even see his own fucking children. Even if he SOMEHOW managed to quit drinking I have no idea how he’d manage to find happiness.

Seeing him like this kills me and I just want him to be happy and satisfied with his life. But I have no idea how he could achieve that. It’s not like he’s a teenager like me with his whole life ahead of him. He’s almost 60 and his kids are all he had left. What do I fucking do?

",3.4391869918699167,4.549800073170728,4.10146341463415,89.99894308943091,72.65853658536584,6.8325203252032525,25.3739837398374,7.03164865440522,0.8775300813008129,1570,48,340,14,30,499,205,410,0.14400000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.132,-0.2938,6,0,3,0,1,0,31.0,2,0,4,7,23,24,6,0,15,0,37,15,2,8,4,71,65,36,2,10,13,5,0,3,2,2,5,2,3,2,14,22,5,2,8,3,4,6,9,15,0,1,20,4,65,9,43,35,9,46,0,5,2,5,81,15,4,6,26,236,79,7,0.08248762247621906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312030030682608,0.17630836467839991,0.16519887719510698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863630984587735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788028489699534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295359879467715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526872556519035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317193089366628,0.0,0.09060877996977484,0.053197692466415536,0.0,0.07104646836847023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441347688398948,0.0,0.08080646666083897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305954989044566,0.0,0.0,0.21792918674498796,0.07461477703525073,0.06949937959819971,0.0,0.07413455624902412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539219255398337,0.0,0.0,0.0904434204223512,0.0,0.2287754333742724,0.08619275638551863,0.0,0.046879616781241217,0.0,0.06597288708195206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561921595408506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774822979673692,0.11057942916270552,0.0,0.0,0.08192882132832369,0.0,0.2855389240120962,0.0,0.1862369706954704,0.0,0.0,0.08185623725869777,0.0,0.18252066542380516,0.0,0.04533304007523678,0.0,0.0,0.08734248192987222,0.179246086351876,0.0843491826893427,0.11652689440753056,0.1208978571933894,0.0,0.0,0.0729989501573528,0.0,0.0,0.18008996814358216,0.0,0.1488965996331773,0.0,0.05506112852976208,0.08362950224659109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328898412306894,0.09660850649544618,0.0,0.0,0.12127578733501575,0.06116352686924721,0.06361953965428246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914909846941286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292284382280474,0.0,0.08773574010560678,0.0,0.0,0.05284368317455528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846461845036368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146391081012512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467235909285233,0.06823461371589909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838516375013074,0.0,0.06587472186311433,0.13792669188270582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890127911233824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654859582892758,0.14429758804131435,0.0,0.07818862108292038,0.0,0.09164678368432412,0.056003681031606765,0.0,0.08057842123893602,0.0,0.0992224534058176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865333691707829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646685244358127,0.0,0.09209448469187327,0.18971338991869804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719368064319588,0.0,0.0,0.053119324411748985
suicidewatch,majaviktoria,2018/01/03,"I'm picturing what happens after my suicide I've struggeled this whole past year to keep breathing and getting trough the semester but my teacher just emailed me saying I'm flunking her class. I'm freaking out. I get one last chance to pass next week but I don't think I can do it and I'm freaking out.

This is the first year I've actually thought about killing myself, in a literal sense, not just in a jokingly distancing kind of way. Every second I spend thinking about it I know I normalize it more and more and I come one step closer to actually doing it. I'm going over all the things I would have to do beforehand. Write my family notes, plan my funeral, clean up my room, quit my job, notify my school. I'm going over the scenarios in my head. My parents finding me. My funeral. My friends reading their notes. My sister finding out. My teacher telling the class. 

It hust hurts so much. Maybe flunking seems like a trivial things but its the grand whole of it, you know. And it wont stop hurting. It this is the life I'm given I don't want it and I know that makes me an ungrateful piece of shit but it hurts so much.

I just needed to vent. I just need someone to here me. You dont have to help or anything. Just read and reply something, anything. I'm sorry if this triggers you or makes you feel worse.",1.052964622641511,3.5245291018867952,2.4676120283018856,92.12085200471701,86.28301886792454,5.576650943396226,23.752948113207545,7.04035,0.9709080188679242,1032,41,214,15,32,333,141,265,0.197,0.726,0.078,-0.988,2,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,4,1,3,10,14,2,0,11,0,13,4,3,3,1,46,42,16,4,6,13,2,1,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,19,11,0,2,10,3,1,5,5,9,0,4,2,2,36,5,22,38,8,26,0,5,0,0,14,11,1,4,10,136,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.2191649412609944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481632445685015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673109526777933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316074016877225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461230097120016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586052385701873,0.0,0.05677907809026304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052688485576329,0.09551697953690116,0.0,0.0,0.08675784830750635,0.0,0.11733766626163185,0.0,0.1276382159945558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930096435778707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524575185450713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752681124180597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606382443009278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143418834332293,0.0998118165311498,0.12423636175155225,0.1169366275287602,0.18514107275493796,0.09153436816877887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931637425156328,0.054861038653312086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499138580628921,0.0,0.11281413347118115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650976074634916,0.16652873870440146,0.0,0.0,0.11942564350178657,0.0,0.11002400185391578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218625959383414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468888525822724,0.0,0.10719706054682823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943819206434594,0.22464821342319574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930047204061729,0.0,0.1136472381333466,0.0,0.10222798380756958,0.0,0.0,0.1152678882710774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514610322444317,0.08644919062720678,0.0,0.12570362416763806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388257679286237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283110196162556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814965945958268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920591362283833,0.1439065611051102,0.0,0.08914866910859323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623374456382998,0.08913352685262076,0.09007524747716288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507438527891781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443689260765515,0.0797702357131831,0.0,0.0,0.1446269459579866
suicidewatch,psycoabc,2018/01/04,I want to end my life I dont understand why life is so boring and empty and predictable.,0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,83.73684210526315,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.5155052631578951,70,2,15,1,2,24,16,19,0.261,0.672,0.067,-0.5796,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632882121229793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501181333260244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584236258424953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115208467608388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331579585014289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566964232983036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TanHaft,2018/01/04,"I would pay all my money to hire someone to kill me I've been thinking about this for years and years.
I would gather all the money just to let someone come to my house and strangle me
Ideally in the bed because I picture myself facing down and relaxed while he strangles me to death, using a very, very tight noose.  and I will sleep the best sleep in my life
everytime I think about this.
I'm so fucking tired. 
",3.9294377510040164,5.083869433734943,4.3062048192771085,88.82790160642574,71.5301204819277,6.497188755020081,27.086345381526108,6.42735559955562,1.022873092369478,325,11,66,2,6,102,54,83,0.147,0.742,0.111,-0.5059,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,4,0,5,6,3,1,2,15,11,6,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,3,11,6,3,7,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,44,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402785068547388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213519618112772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526351365850829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809628485426008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23476651315131175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509929433187556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805251237447148,0.14371042117841773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407215590338476,0.0,0.34478344974525715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26073900505286257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338483261659275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572485567550772,0.0,0.3357530322713815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890655121345832,0.0,0.0,0.2620442438713828
suicidewatch,meggiemoohoo,2018/01/04,Exhausted I've given up. I've tried meds with no success. I went to a therapist who was only interested in getting paid. She canceled our appointments because of her heavy caseload and left me with with no resources. I have no friends so I spend a majority of my time alone or with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is trying his hardest to support me but I have severe trust issues and I barely open up about my mental health. I think suicide is the best option because my future will be bleak and miserable. ,3.093125000000001,5.73906372916667,3.8873333333333338,84.29100000000003,78.375,6.34,29.391666666666666,7.554174236665415,2.053974166666667,402,19,72,6,10,128,68,96,0.196,0.6409999999999999,0.163,-0.3919,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,12,13,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,17,6,12,7,2,8,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,2,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23562844644641945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773720838830551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387543648403722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577119984861522,0.0,0.11886292011957925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418291041810094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374580052946009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471868186752854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527087821932471,0.0,0.22927335795643866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302918360850794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570179421519565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488555282514369,0.25817203601951505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26415294570023323,0.0,0.14577717984589975,0.0,0.0,0.13266105258379826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089243850185389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109010955199972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawaySomeday234,2018/01/04,"I'm scared I'm scared of my self, i'm fucking terrified. I can't stop drinking,contemplating on doing harder drugs. I currently drunk at this moment and i can't stop thinking about it. How much i feel like i would be better off, and everyone around me would be better off with out me. I can't, I don't think i could ever tell my family how I feel. I don't know where to go  or who to talk to which is why i'm here. Everything is fucked my, life is fucked idk where to go. As a black guy thats extremely frowned upon, but at the same time I don't want to hurt my mom. The only person that seem to care. But i also have this over welming filling that everything will be ok as long as im not here. Idk what to do where to go and im terrified of myself at this moment.",1.6567170329670375,2.6641781607142865,3.778571428571432,90.98950549450552,76.91666666666666,7.312087912087913,21.256410256410245,7.882392219407189,0.6392503663003666,593,14,142,9,13,204,92,168,0.133,0.74,0.126,-0.2753,1,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,11,3,2,3,1,19,6,0,2,1,26,37,12,0,4,4,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,10,6,1,2,6,1,0,4,7,6,0,0,0,3,19,5,25,30,2,25,0,1,1,3,7,13,3,2,9,94,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101280944771437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122592718379496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24358983144592766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040638076731596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995168433142737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970199316774455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456822735054925,0.0,0.13158954764375658,0.2475330122074253,0.0,0.1298224499527288,0.0,0.13926247018560414,0.0983813533116283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819370817569185,0.0,0.0,0.23479440641711186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635635502177745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474233539124667,0.0,0.2975047989345268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568281601800916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726993265793074,0.06727904024491672,0.0,0.0,0.12187062912828255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128642179599745,0.0,0.0,0.1012340346586304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473604633232053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024465137177992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757471161320009,0.0,0.0,0.12536767085671902,0.14366346441014588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026649940985536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068754627105276,0.12036620251642778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648035024057568,0.0,0.0,0.08030087098687501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122600073690771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426349985176592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565305472282485,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CantSlipDontFall,2018/01/04,"I'm feeling useless... I just got off the phone with my girlfriend... She's with another guy right now and I was begging for help... I begged her to come see me and she said that she would have to see... That she had plans. Go see a movie and I asked about after... She said that she was getting dinner with this guy. Asked about after at all... And she said she's going bowling with him... He's gay, and that's cool, like not competition or anything... But I have a razor next to me and I've been down this road before... I had a bad anxiety attack which is why I called her. After we hung up, the anxiety went away, but in came the monster that is my depression, and it's saying do it in a loud and booming voice... I want to... And it's harder not to give in to that voice every second...

I need help...

I can't call anyone... I can't talk to many others... I'm too scared to talk to anyone I don't know other than with a text... I'm scared of myself and I'm scared of what I've done and I'm scared I'll do it again... I've thought about killing myself before... And now it's back after not being there for 3 years...",-0.615840336134454,1.3966390546218506,1.5577731092436975,99.03355042016807,89.12605042016806,4.2403361344537815,15.222689075630253,5.543175910156928,-0.9644722689075632,837,16,203,5,28,279,119,238,0.14800000000000002,0.825,0.027000000000000003,-0.9841,0,0,0,0,0,1,65.0,1,0,0,1,10,11,2,4,8,1,17,2,0,0,1,34,43,15,1,3,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,0,2,17,20,1,0,3,0,0,5,6,9,0,1,13,13,30,2,34,28,1,25,0,2,3,1,30,10,0,1,11,133,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056998557192836,0.17592377569799694,0.0,0.0,0.16079795362472946,0.0,0.09462143509988367,0.0,0.21498767419699188,0.13081007066872793,0.10803056843802256,0.08841503816363035,0.09600622871112087,0.0,0.0,0.1956845899776958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348215518690085,0.131510230515404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904790694133513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990349231150724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766780791586648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687836528842148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058138996848229124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600740135135573,0.11030243125471624,0.13069528578157105,0.0,0.0919626260091492,0.0,0.0,0.22770303253364596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414172606638935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721195354433915,0.0,0.06319179885394548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561750183454011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657498979665687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525863874791485,0.0,0.0,0.12228601352262533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819508546303662,0.3281262658342285,0.09143931245697988,0.4604732544048724,0.0,0.27488034096143943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483839602196508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128387368475342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782011254781688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659064449658748,0.1037545178769715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168081692588401,0.0,0.0,0.07404545686576006
suicidewatch,shaun-spencer,2018/01/04,"I’ve been on school break for about 3 weeks now and no one talks to me anymore. I got off of school for winter break around 3 weeks ago, and I can’t help but feel unwanted. The closest people in my life dropped me on the new year and the girl I’m in love with has found someone new, (see my account for my post on unsent letters for more context) and I can’t shake my feelings for her. Anyone I tell about my sadness or depression doesn’t care anymore and even the people that call me a friend have stopped telling me that I’m worth while. I tried asking my friends for help and even mentioned my thoughts on ending it to the, they all just claimed they’re sorry I’m Sad. I know no body on here probably actually cares about me but this is my last grasp for something. I’m not necessarily saying I’m going to end it, but I’m close if not. I just need someone to care someone to elaborate on what I’ve gone through someone to share the experience with. But obviously no one cares otherwise I wouldn’t be posting this. Oh well ",2.901569556732646,4.443059753554508,3.7349484248675786,90.39156119319769,74.68720379146919,6.6708670197937,27.103707833844442,7.285733465282438,1.1880669640367998,812,31,177,9,17,259,119,211,0.12,0.695,0.185,0.9618,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,11,13,0,1,7,0,9,3,1,0,2,32,31,13,0,4,10,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,7,10,0,1,6,0,2,3,9,4,1,2,5,4,23,9,30,24,2,33,0,3,1,1,17,12,0,2,13,105,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.10658427104347516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681812657354784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166364383567799,0.0763700994268662,0.0,0.0,0.09723014756536373,0.1021072077340786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132028492506633,0.0,0.0,0.11152719832280993,0.0,0.4454337354316494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407217883731764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934753746638884,0.0,0.0,0.14427932802388166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683942701974697,0.0,0.0,0.1104511809954942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975556021312375,0.16876827043507958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207300369664805,0.0,0.08735428198626434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464175218671255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060025191274525665,0.08902996848456897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714626146658157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857652231435146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098623858576459,0.0,0.2109732987182929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802241132467786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144064778340394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920770150153092,0.0,0.1177590760246046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685719222722586,0.0,0.22107565129446685,0.08703526587868843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701715428190836,0.0840839224766934,0.0,0.12226434640817402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131392962375401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778797468433078,0.19092852801136886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867095426555475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415411938887406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522153928772888,0.0,0.09820310029915573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033496105482967
suicidewatch,PM_ME_YOUR_PHILLIPS,2018/01/04,"I don't want to feel like this anymore. Everyday all I feel is either mindnumbing numbness, sadness, or anxiety to the point of me not wanting to do anything. Today has been one of the worst days, and nothing bad has even happened. Hell, yesterday I got to make out with a guy I really like. 

I guess the anxiety has been really bad today, because I think the guy I really like and I's relationship has been just... fucked up by it. I dunno. I was awkward and shitty yesterday. I'm awkward and shitty today. I feel so trapped. I don't want to feel anxious anymore. 

I've been crying most of the day, for no reason. I just can't find any reason *not* to cry. 

I don't want to feel like this anymore. ",0.9477393617021264,3.2769503120567407,3.3291445035461003,86.89031250000004,84.88652482269505,6.3618794326241135,23.706117021276608,7.6454224807358475,1.3978117021276597,538,21,108,10,16,185,74,141,0.313,0.59,0.097,-0.9843,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,4,13,2,2,6,0,15,2,0,3,1,30,31,6,0,4,6,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,9,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,6,5,15,4,15,25,4,11,1,1,0,1,3,3,2,4,12,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125007406628237,0.0,0.1828027940647571,0.13497768852739248,0.35547431330750195,0.0,0.0,0.09832134767485416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952057970994108,0.0728335197751014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624849725165761,0.1541086288729449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789150022387451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020618169946258,0.17071218283056205,0.0,0.0,0.10920198681131144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045675956521568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555857312239452,0.0,0.13162000493539586,0.23660673720205236,0.10565521925364103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334863555408612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975341249317884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464368543195187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096231858757955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294663122419088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296246467015905,0.24568939940181325,0.0,0.12827613791118486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655756096595044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397574395589284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818881306597236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamdoingthebestican,2018/01/04,"I've given up but I can't do anything about it. I've been trying for years now with various meds, therapists, and treatment programs, but nothing's working. I'm just so burnt out and tired of everything.

I'm too much of a coward to kill myself (which I absolutely hate myself for), but I definitely don't want to live either. 

the days are blurring together and all I want to do is sleep. I don't know what to do anymore.

I wish I had the courage to finally end it all. I'd rather do that than keep trying to get better (which I feel is a losing battle anyway). it'd be so much easier that way.",1.7928958944281526,3.5291228790322613,4.032170087976542,86.23189149560119,78.2741935483871,7.089736070381233,23.369501466275658,8.00094639256281,1.242783870967742,463,15,98,8,11,160,78,124,0.21,0.6509999999999999,0.139,-0.8746,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,3,0,4,0,14,2,1,0,2,20,25,8,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,10,2,15,20,6,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,69,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592785332144708,0.0,0.0,0.16257622447905248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472703115780766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274107792168444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749807886244359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755547544747832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989299562627584,0.0,0.0,0.2164188910550627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321769370785763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505101195217844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756016773704295,0.2185724523625272,0.0,0.10857459586053987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445036316375526,0.0,0.0,0.2210207071556577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219446212927186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904607671516135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895655214117623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770410761330204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938404856523345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270678026009298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26826248690216603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330537014182749,0.15681506828780806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718589582311474,0.0,0.0,0.14382707479371376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722308432919344
suicidewatch,never_smiles,2018/01/04,"Point of living I have no talent whatsoever, severe social anxiety and on top of that i'm depressed most of the time. When i think about the future, i don't see anything to look forward to.   9/5 repetitive job, day in day out... basically a wage slave untill i drop dead, it really makes me question myself, why not end it before going through that hell.
",2.006323529411766,4.670085514705885,3.8632352941176498,82.50455882352944,83.55882352941177,6.341176470588236,21.735294117647058,7.6454224807358475,1.2812,277,9,50,5,8,93,57,68,0.29100000000000004,0.6509999999999999,0.059,-0.9531,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,8,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,11,8,1,16,1,1,2,0,2,6,1,2,9,31,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437963979517306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090960178479974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621352749174608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32773656357833786,0.0,0.21884901692079373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505004171742188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440630592626733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252147044945184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243678395568728,0.0,0.21337323619990126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960834403185635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401990145255567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846411261934764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627778041442755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247838000999768,0.0,0.0,0.2870515695405104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590147358437093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628118563536489,0.0,0.0,0.1481630544631827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292784557633524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkThestral,2018/01/04,"Why do I suck at suicide too you'd think after all the things i do wrong, this would be the one thing i do right, but no
ive never had a successful attempt

i always half ass it, or call an ambulance myself when it gets real

i have this stupid will to live and people always try and use that against me and say 'well clearly you're not as depressed as you say because you're still alive' and all it makes me do is want to die more but i just CANT

I FUCKING CANT AND I WANT TO

god if guns were legal id be dead so fast but the time involved in other methods gives me too much time to think but if i could just shut my eyes and squeeze a trigger like ripping off a band-aid, 1-2-3 go, and im dead, it'd be so much easier and i wouldn't have to do this fucking shit anymore

how am i supposed to do this for several more decades? i can't
i can't handle the loneliness and isolation, the constant thoughts and sick feeling, like that squeezing feeling in my stomach and chest that just hits me for no reason twenty times a day, just the fucking hopelessness of it all

i don't understand why i can't just shut my eyes and never wake up
and the thing is i KNOW id rather be alive and happy than dead, but id rather be dead than depressed and im depressed right now, but i still hope that one day ill be happy and that's what's fucking killing me

hope isn't a good thing, it's a fucking curse, it's bullshit. im going to spend the rest of my life feeling sick all because I can't let go of this fantasy world ive created in my head where im normal and happy

this isn't fair

tldr im a fucking piece of shit who can't even die right",2.25681318681319,3.0438479467787154,3.7465126050420174,92.65793309631547,75.13445378151259,6.6127558715794015,25.21536306830424,6.67199483983844,0.6952944193061841,1275,41,301,10,26,423,163,357,0.27,0.565,0.165,-0.9959,0,1,1,1,0,5,18.0,0,2,0,2,19,26,11,0,16,0,38,19,9,5,7,63,65,32,8,12,17,0,5,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,25,17,0,0,9,1,1,3,16,16,1,3,3,9,33,10,25,48,10,30,0,4,2,7,8,13,10,5,16,196,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176195916012504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852156101564818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653020968732284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084779988476712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556139434961019,0.0,0.06321579002311023,0.0,0.0,0.10212425752364017,0.0,0.20458315470320496,0.0,0.16434488663857505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229516393759243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010166729437473,0.056563526161096486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391829831293209,0.041366320801151976,0.07595307004749878,0.13499305613113258,0.0664092788863446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285375931743703,0.0,0.0,0.08125767102873344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727975519284387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276196634610601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759678556966734,0.0,0.043513194316611714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096307617396381,0.05592452426586667,0.07736302916941093,0.0,0.06991407603946496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052850759204129016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164073022998349,0.0,0.12213120438054885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757591064351757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730374715053388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489083994997135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011990215053013,0.0,0.08140636795888127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028482451290099,0.0,0.12592825788403758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944662167153382,0.16254655802207255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264605051073214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866059626032475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040471947308576,0.1014658832363551,0.0,0.06285709547212412,0.1385049177694554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375547395739305,0.0,0.0,0.08242526467559493,0.0,0.06838285543078422,0.0,0.0,0.09340040288102598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118895408875381,0.0,0.1428884943769928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056244533678339266,0.08656679600951804,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beerbeardsbears,2018/01/04,"If you’re thinking of killing yourself, please read this... I was having a huge struggle with suicide and found some inspiration. I felt I needed to post it here.

If anyone needs a reason not to commit suicide... read stories from people who knew someone who killed themselves. Seriously.

I know it’s hard as hell to care about ourselves most of the time. A huge justification for my suicidal ideation has always been “No one will care”, or “They’ll get over it pretty quickly.” I urge you to read accounts from people who have had a friends or family kill themselves. It’s fucking heartbreaking. 

People care about you. I promise. And even if you dismiss all of that thinking “I don’t believe anyone cares”, just keep reading. Seriously. I promise you will find countless examples of people hating themselves for not showing that person how much they cared. For not being there for them. If anything, those people are worse off because of the guilt they feel. 

I have struggled with suicidal ideation for a long time. Thankfully I have never made any attempts but I struggled nonetheless. Understanding the other side of the issue has been an exceptional help. Please, I implore you, read accounts from family and friends of suicide victims. Look at the other side. Do EVERYTHING you can to fight through today. Through the next hour. The next 5 minutes. The next second. Seriously. 

And if you think no one cares about you? I do. Roll your eyes if you want, but it’s true. I care deeply about every single person who has ever hated themselves, because I understand. I have been there. Every single person who has EVER been in your shoes understands. There’s millions of us by the way, here and ready to help and encourage you. Please just give yourself another chance. 

I love you. The world loves you. You should love you.

Thanks for listening. 


If you need someone and have no one, PLEASE call the National Suicide Hotline (US): 1–800-273-8255. There’s no reason not to call and there’s no reason to be ashamed. Once again, please give yourself a chance. If talking on the phone isn’t your thing (just like it isn’t mine), go to www.crisistextline.com. Go to reddit. Go to a mental health forum. Go anywhere. Just don’t go anywhere you can’t come back from. ",3.1068273553323733,6.132031624390246,3.2018794835007185,86.42543998087042,82.75609756097559,5.4595887135341945,25.60019129603061,6.965498970235437,1.375815399330464,1786,72,308,23,51,544,200,410,0.16899999999999998,0.625,0.206,0.9641,0,1,0,0,1,5,72.0,2,19,4,1,22,38,9,5,20,0,31,7,2,6,6,65,74,22,9,13,21,0,3,1,2,4,1,1,0,3,18,11,0,1,17,6,2,6,15,18,0,5,10,6,44,20,45,58,6,33,1,1,2,4,49,11,2,12,15,216,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046732302538761636,0.0,0.0,0.03819291907973423,0.058892038622069126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854126589048899,0.0,0.04621754895254261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043186053457706784,0.0,0.06847316163166542,0.0,0.0,0.06327672224887775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469786478255672,0.0,0.4008350584780124,0.0,0.0,0.04837964550924116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709528058057737,0.10160570526310203,0.09463987912323324,0.0,0.050475885416708964,0.0,0.1058913807074627,0.0,0.028397814195570727,0.0,0.05392550379668741,0.0,0.05133217038335501,0.0,0.0,0.061580077590252365,0.08678313699730808,0.051921996728795945,0.029342967134324875,0.10775376659036916,0.15959427591908645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031121823003387,0.11089911482480408,0.0,0.059698882115363124,0.0,0.0,0.07529005201181442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530946363754774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861981548267621,0.0,0.049920455134336884,0.18640886234956186,0.0,0.03086583979463488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02743851493636611,0.0,0.0,0.049702686980487486,0.04716296412875862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206851060339585,0.05314300168855311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659932130662765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412864327721932,0.12493295961319907,0.043316541655236594,0.0,0.17919068159007998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059812001907267334,0.11417296480741185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468254384647166,0.14711868587923266,0.0,0.3082517790472137,0.0,0.0,0.053788844826976184,0.05713819110924865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808921190133256,0.0,0.0,0.17323544854458192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517383697230836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614199208159054,0.0,0.3686007164890851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514187301976955,0.0,0.10341510406058642,0.0,0.0,0.03731235126084545,0.10796138087932274,0.0,0.0,0.0654984565759483,0.0,0.05323617053044565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540369452049434,0.1351148895274522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033126525383353964,0.044579754009614836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572351246743467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jacket20,2018/01/04,I’ve got my first therapy session tomorrow I’m a little nervous but I know it needs to be done. Hopefully I can get the help I need. It’s never too late to try to get better. ,-1.1053846153846187,0.9100507692307716,2.580205128205129,90.45646153846157,92.58974358974359,6.196923076923077,20.620512820512825,7.554174236665415,0.9812112820512819,136,5,31,3,5,50,31,39,0.035,0.6940000000000001,0.271,0.8897,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,4,2,3,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466051502164073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28534299186326484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717522740101002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913574928063436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230082408250148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689589814658467,0.0,0.0,0.2769441072754672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323933763684114,0.0,0.31453579569101503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27946394167403044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41350230778351893,0.21505321728265048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188698629835733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930931991909924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SimulatedMe,2018/01/04,"Not dying yet is my biggest achievement Okey guys...I am still in a very dark place..lately I have been trying to be positive but the constant pain(herniated disc) and me not able to do basic activities really puts me down...I see all my peers advancing in their studies or carriers.. and my father is telling me I should work hard and what not..while I m thinking that me not making suicide is my biggest achievement.. and the thought of suicide always is in the back of my head...I can't compete with other people or my peers no more...I am barely surviving day by day ..hope things get better for me and all of you here..they say that thoughts make our future but my thoughts are still dark and I can't clean them up to use law of attraction ( if that even exists) because I m really out of options been trying all kind of treatments but to no avail but I m not giving up just yet...or maybe I will ..not sure...I miss the healthy me...so please guys if you are healthy do not throw your life away and make the best of it...when you get sick everything looks so precious even the basic stuffs.
Wish me a good health please",3.127579365079363,4.711066678571432,3.8552976190476222,89.58692460317465,74.17857142857143,6.7634920634920634,24.94444444444445,7.3871296695380915,1.0047289682539686,872,28,184,10,18,277,128,224,0.075,0.706,0.219,0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,1,4,2,8,8,8,0,0,8,1,18,3,0,4,3,40,34,16,3,5,15,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,7,9,0,0,4,0,0,4,10,1,0,0,5,4,27,7,21,26,4,21,0,1,2,0,12,9,0,6,8,116,34,3,0.12883189609548384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719845805945956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210418072683932,0.09906377577907027,0.0,0.07853472808537962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352011266558584,0.11394134268346855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922151130963595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661718299694869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337071682138701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018450465703427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578580108200565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346186967389422,0.1235872940243592,0.0,0.1080580820569822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756383205637944,0.0,0.0,0.11540807373827125,0.0,0.1322186933968898,0.13694228109843865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795914198689684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415859459714027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099777822405064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818634557805164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579888731194111,0.0,0.12942895581168926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370862207696457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931581530409186,0.0,0.13460191094846352,0.2828374688410735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951163918443062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506602313600893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245229470880617,0.0,0.0,0.10266234126628396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057706372815958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748169826823854,0.2818423681311795,0.0,0.12142253740713033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260475568313268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559018718193799,0.08255027701402091,0.0,0.3068344045121231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493680140214155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126939378572083,0.0,0.10629980664642318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815032246185794,0.0,0.0,0.09379115473798924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quetzal_Ignis,2018/01/04,"Existing isn't worth the effort I'm done, if the universe would just see fit to kill me off in some random fashion now, that'd be great. I'm sure random accidental death would be far more acceptable to the people that think they care. It's not as optimal as never having existed, but I doubt I'll ever get that particular wish.

What's the point of dragging this out for another 30 to 40 years, there's nothing that makes it worth it in any way. I have no hopes, no dreams, no desires, no ambitions. None of the driving forces that would generally be present. 

All the generic platitudes that go for 'advice' these days just make me rage. Literally every single piece of it builds upon the presence of one of those driving forces to tie people to this life or urge them into action.
I don't have those things, the platitudes don't do anything.

Psychiatric ""help"" is just as bad, it's all dependent on my own will to be ""better"", but I don't know what the fuck better is. I don't have a preferred state I want to work towards. I don't have obstacles that stand in the way of getting things I want. I simply *don't* want. 

Sure I could take medication to ""dull"" the emotional down, but what the hell would that do? Aside from the rather significant side effects of antidepressants, they'd also in no way solve the actual bloody problem. It doesn't provide me with a reason to exist, it at most makes that cumbersome existence slightly more tolerable. I'd be the same borg drone dragging his ass to work every day.

In absence of anything else they can do they focus on keeping me ""functional"", why the frell should I care about being ""functional""? I drag my ass out of bed and to work, and then back to bed, for what? What do I get out of this? 
Being functional only keeps me alive. And, big surprise, that's not a state I very much care for. And haven't for the large majority of my life either.

The only thing I even remotely want, is also the thing I vehemently *do not* want to desire. I reject it, I've known it wasn't something I was supposed to have from the first time I was aware of the concept. And past experience have shown my gut instinct to be correct. So not only do I get to drag myself through day after day without getting anything out of it, I also get to continuously beat myself up in order to try and put that other part of me back in its cage. (Obliterating it would be even better, but apparently that's not a thing I can do... great)

I'm done fighting without getting anything out of it.",3.814655870445346,5.323630060728746,4.934655870445344,82.83797570850204,72.27935222672066,7.8720647773279335,26.765182186234817,8.452757503120043,1.8015959514170048,1966,68,389,33,38,647,230,494,0.151,0.733,0.117,-0.9759,1,0,1,0,2,1,69.0,0,0,5,10,16,23,5,1,25,0,52,7,3,6,7,75,83,20,2,20,18,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,0,42,13,0,2,7,1,2,5,24,10,0,2,5,1,40,13,70,59,15,55,1,2,1,3,8,26,4,9,17,282,82,3,0.0,0.0,0.07608538272036289,0.0,0.0,0.07618928878303963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705260438557453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053020817288562255,0.08175609759005117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566436164171818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199049407569445,0.06509990497657181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686870407650787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23848028352410897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225099056518085,0.0,0.0,0.2011312739825328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957637784468245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513214100828682,0.08770334642180865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299407017435183,0.07052639159347454,0.13138256671947174,0.0,0.0,0.0762675262948131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663194204560637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720800286583901,0.2851449157682208,0.0,0.04431093065256828,0.0,0.0,0.17191967809437064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522602119391674,0.0,0.0,0.07743967569672372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386028297608701,0.08625988333047878,0.0,0.04284909589635793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014200822813383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613245257440247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854441462146694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731534696106809,0.0,0.060133618901451025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481226286164604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283303862084512,0.17789420885308024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443159264692178,0.07442914301234471,0.10810619177871034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370482755020155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460471062181454,0.0,0.07837923247735143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016394388018172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213028854742955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060023466498720174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696756750751494,0.0,0.058622126236039684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589919030118958,0.049958655406544566,0.0,0.0,0.04546368518659389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293505785382353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433164856768417,0.2299373145698756,0.1856617704851237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035386500811973,0.0,0.08965918923546819,0.15031646625960188,0.0,0.17028458834636942,0.0,0.0,0.27693064771264503,0.0,0.0,0.05020874448065328
suicidewatch,blue1hm,2018/01/04,"Plans to die M/28 I have been in a state of depression since 15 i was molested/raped as a child from 5 - 17 by my ""friends"" my dad died at 9 he was my world. i have told many ppl this. Even after i tell them they dont seem to care. I do things that i enjoy. Although that doesnt seem enough to give me the stimulation i need. I haven't felt love even with my gf who loves me to death. I feel if i ask for anything from the universe i kind of get it and that makes me feel like shit. I would love to give back good vibes and positivity. Yet every time i try i feel like i failed some how. So i made a plan in the near feature after i come back from pax with my gf. I am going to buy a gun and kill my self. I have thought long and hard about this and i feel there is nothing i should live for. Life in my mind is simple. the only point to life is procreation and i dont want to do the same thing my dad did to me. So ill will just end my life with no kids to minimize the damage to the world.  ",-0.7867567567567555,0.9973616981982012,1.3057882882882872,102.17597972972976,87.42342342342344,4.781081081081081,15.105855855855856,5.985473137389443,-1.0360576576576577,755,13,203,6,24,250,128,222,0.211,0.7120000000000001,0.077,-0.9841,0,0,0,1,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,3,11,15,2,0,11,0,20,8,1,4,0,31,43,12,4,5,2,2,6,2,3,3,4,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,8,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,8,6,37,10,31,32,3,19,0,3,0,3,20,8,1,4,10,130,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991904306497383,0.0,0.11268440372667457,0.0,0.0,0.18536868949632584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289395624151545,0.0,0.0,0.10383064401945763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381703324176102,0.0,0.25019359854953543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825333722756965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067586594208611,0.1245453731326414,0.0,0.15922509692751324,0.0,0.1015563414722823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378544370340946,0.17222114355182866,0.11573296433547148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312541369012453,0.0,0.0629748139518048,0.2312572335500735,0.06850309164556621,0.10109944277240644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797611547670537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335465101049834,0.12551915505725614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554133248578445,0.11777509515799205,0.0,0.10643503811620177,0.10667010773561314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263639331134481,0.11405358663480915,0.08045836960194376,0.1222040590349645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217064750992539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937553192983158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565704496722162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167266490690544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394499014205353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946194997931007,0.1257447945900962,0.0,0.12372793919904522,0.09970819553820348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053533232903802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015683540111045,0.0,0.0,0.09569170804278086,0.07028520834513098,0.0,0.0,0.11517681761751583,0.0,0.0818356795043673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109494971441145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562494743551853,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FryChikN,2018/01/04,"Am I even considered suicidal? I am making this post mostly because for the 1st time ever somebody has called the police on me reporting that I was suicidal.

I often times hit a point to where I am broke every month and I talk about wishing I could just leave earth painlessly and times where I just randomly break down because I am sick of having almost no human interaction and at the age of 30 I haven't even had so much as a girlfriend. So I am constantly questioning my worth and life based on that alone.

But the cops came by my house just a couple of minutes ago and asked if I felt suicidal, and I told them no, because honestly right now I feel ""fine"". Fine in the sense that I feel I can function normally and at least for the rest of the day and probably just stay in my room and read or play random computer games.

So I ask, am I even considered suicidal? While I do constantly think about what would be the repercussions of killing myself(My family kind of depends on me financially atm) I have never actually made the attempt to kill myself(Honestly just too scared I think). I'm really just curious on if I am considered suicidal or if I just need to find out how to not be a piece of shit at life.",7.4668688981868945,6.3560556276150635,7.877918410041842,74.05556659693167,63.85355648535565,12.318131101813115,34.97942817294282,11.538034831475384,3.9141461645746167,961,36,190,26,12,318,138,239,0.208,0.731,0.061,-0.9909,0,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,1,22,10,3,1,13,0,19,4,1,4,2,48,34,21,7,8,14,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,5,11,0,0,7,3,2,1,5,5,0,0,6,3,29,5,28,23,5,33,0,1,0,0,11,16,1,12,13,139,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.10191229421833828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257423543298474,0.0,0.10457533466459852,0.10816188955997072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952629538023272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909855695891116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663855499077383,0.11944441076251265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22571160797060386,0.0,0.08338186704243017,0.11555397952020227,0.0,0.06735114169679808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693255932476687,0.094466323402068,0.087989954942369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845086345791362,0.0,0.10560970342222767,0.0,0.10027279606172368,0.0,0.09545057328832963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050254838422418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23108098546404626,0.10875170016740453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058028278806696,0.0,0.0,0.14752931965393254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988177577443693,0.0697103520408296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833580384084816,0.0,0.07677083683984988,0.07743631676218367,0.08054576112762275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232292065967254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872366809555032,0.0,0.1000186829605921,0.0,0.1125972667937466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698972256057508,0.0,0.10446203069835323,0.0,0.06690294688095873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918586848293268,0.0,0.0,0.10455642182500054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071997635736759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131250286486633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5711679673880289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393990799273048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383388520911582,0.0,0.0,0.18268851237884526,0.0,0.0,0.09979094210809714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009368088907894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418675345694957,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeIsHard93,2018/01/04,"The End? 24yo Male from Australia. Throw away account because I feel like everything is going to come to an end soon. My life the last year and a bit has been horrible, I lost my apprenticeship probably 12months ago, landed up in jail(prison) for 4months while suffering from a break up and being already depressed. Now everything seems to be happening again I have been depressed since probably November and just recently the girl who I thought was the love of my life just ended everything for no real reason, now she has putting a protective order against me and threatened to send me back to jail. I already suffering from anxiety and am really paranoid about leaving my bedroom, I live in a house by myself, I’m not eating properly or feel like my anti depressant medication is doing anything, I’ve talked to mental health and I feel like they don’t want to help, I’m at wits end, I have been having thoughts of suicide again since before Christmas and keep think about what I would write in a suicide letter while I cry alot, I cannot sleep or anything during the night and eventually pass out due the day. I am completely lost and just want to pain and suffering to go away.",9.845294117647061,8.109176990950228,8.993705882352947,69.94467647058825,59.633484162895925,12.64090497737557,41.55701357466064,11.407655852321104,4.711386968325792,949,43,167,21,10,299,134,221,0.219,0.7120000000000001,0.07,-0.9887,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,11,13,0,0,13,0,19,8,1,1,0,33,38,14,2,3,6,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,1,2,2,12,1,2,8,0,1,7,4,9,0,0,8,3,22,4,29,27,2,38,0,8,0,1,11,10,0,4,22,110,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886388851131121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069232210761788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649534118557395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457352470332764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789581245287304,0.07688941967540379,0.0,0.06095557754953106,0.0,0.0850877569885707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916784217059257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613620762893477,0.1048420873381918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983900783063873,0.0644880304242005,0.0,0.25837474904970914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231909957568083,0.0,0.0,0.3542609656678526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696052007456819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168031890335099,0.21430777473015986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136580935412609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842460079664682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062892307493651,0.0,0.0,0.06702404993071089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537995957631968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887949969705368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815086743300379,0.0,0.1058794915883746,0.0,0.0,0.14125781708547785,0.1465564450531376,0.0,0.08829677046453352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831111099543432,0.0,0.0902487307439721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073370489762944,0.10077070305926968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383784655113317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064009510800343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156214663551027,0.0,0.0,0.10052185776069572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381536830980732,0.06405888846473774,0.1028107613402382,0.09873227607340576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103102590082296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654325833050917,0.0,0.1000664824838499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875499853627012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037160475777261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407228922716783,0.0,0.15876855836116652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795841984417678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103305888327455,0.0,0.0,0.0643930300349108
suicidewatch,Ethereal_Darkness,2018/01/04,"How do I avoid ""checking out"" when I am not quite ready to leave yet? So long story short, I have had a lot of good times and bad times over the past several years. Recently things have been worse, with some major life changes contributing more than ever.

I'm tempted by the thought of just taking this game that is life, and saying ""I quit. Game over."" But something has stopped me up to this point.

The idea isn't that I am ready to go today, but my mind seems to have starting living every day as if the decision to leave was already made. I am blocking out friends, and doing the bare minimum at work... not pursuing anything resembling a hobby. 

How do I break this cycle? Has anyone else felt themselves ""checking out"" when they haven't made the decision to leave yet?

Everything is already difficult enough, but this is a whole other beast from anything I have experienced. If this continues too long I truly will leave myself with nothing left to live for because I stopped looking. It's just hard to stop this mental check out. Any advice would be appreciated.",5.502452025586351,6.7986610398009955,5.331673773987209,82.40876865671645,67.95522388059702,8.329921819474059,30.27754086709311,8.634040054169528,2.2877033404406544,843,32,157,13,14,261,129,201,0.146,0.785,0.068,-0.8194,0,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,3,11,5,0,1,9,0,23,2,0,4,1,38,33,14,0,3,9,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,11,9,0,5,6,2,3,1,4,3,0,0,7,5,14,2,25,23,6,32,0,0,1,0,5,11,0,5,19,108,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774737695522776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433551330773347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498237715715105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077098202537308,0.11297710625710088,0.18147351762266806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206469981934838,0.06721508272108524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664325420035553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111028184353319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211028822050316,0.0,0.0,0.11393078353404545,0.0,0.0,0.09973887171927134,0.09290103089149428,0.0,0.09909695223230758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586942714776996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518864315696795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266480005942843,0.09248307215434304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877366882286456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244731008229488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670088659103385,0.11980068240628175,0.0,0.1557635288203969,0.0,0.0,0.19472786476203127,0.1951579355908539,0.09259284834366667,0.0,0.0,0.09374135461148136,0.0,0.2086663544912752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111880838938648,0.0,0.11133383537626336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105799978135795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525816760729337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423383607223627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345557830576727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887105610840113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768527798722209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037896747245473,0.0,0.12456539966603493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488556822487071,0.0,0.0,0.07804446503715767,0.0,0.0,0.2765535161055333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290378390928878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325359941773488,0.0,0.0,0.0875362207427346,0.12859006571181444,0.0,0.10451609128861757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231043013154838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027251609461761,0.0,0.11236705149477907,0.0783274167961312,0.0,0.0,0.07100552590024886
suicidewatch,Magicmysteryunicorn,2018/01/04,"14 days until my 30th birthday and I want to end it all Hi I'm about to turn 30. I am having a hard time dealing with my life right now. I'm having relationship and work problems and family problems. I just want to die. I'm scared. But I can't do this anymore

No one would miss me or care anyway. I did this to myself",-1.3777142857142834,0.6359180857142874,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,96.71428571428572,3.942857142857144,15.571428571428573,5.6839178017228535,-0.7494571428571429,246,6,58,2,10,85,51,70,0.238,0.6829999999999999,0.079,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,13,15,6,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,9,1,7,13,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23051863696758215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23698870404704686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990497094794386,0.2396360733951417,0.0,0.0,0.24123666653141485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587339781159228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912433040701002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822114005810066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417968440870587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750778012249228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44482856422672895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495542380400279,0.0,0.19850301995009467,0.0,0.0,0.2327136108049494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553799510412665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25282864819773243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27419900070588804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692195401441278,0.0,0.0,0.1651191478201029,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RBNAC,2018/01/04,"I just want a way out of this suffering, is that too much to ask? I've been wanting to die for years now and people say ""just wait for it, it'll get better you'll see"" but it keeps getting worse and worse. I used to be able to mask my anxiety but now it's so bad I can't pretend anymore. And bad things keep happening to me out of my control and the good things don't come. I feel like I'm god's worst joke. I just want to die peacefully... I'm just tired of everything... but there's no easy way out, and no easy way to stay in. What a cruel fucking world. I don't know what to do anymore.",-0.14024075161479746,1.550783877862596,1.9415267175572524,99.09089254257195,84.26717557251908,5.55748678802114,19.237228420434526,6.67199483983844,-0.15906975924838562,452,12,116,5,13,151,77,131,0.335,0.54,0.124,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,2,9,10,2,0,3,0,9,2,0,2,0,26,27,9,2,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,4,2,2,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,3,10,4,17,23,2,13,0,1,1,1,3,5,1,0,4,68,20,0,0.14807672212718062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327828712348152,0.0,0.29370463789596146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843174630075672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24727575561476106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309618273943054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755498450353214,0.0,0.0,0.16608063508488374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073605185371713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330818098057487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487203991518096,0.10578603987478592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368945435300668,0.15472795134026068,0.0,0.0,0.1241997290677828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094375634618113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26323478868208394,0.0,0.0,0.081379093940263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234280678719697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885342868949492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026577545248922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177565527999686,0.0,0.0,0.1179979759775205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783008355277453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967511889254495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019240911939673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789074448346646,0.0,0.0,0.26201846173857113,0.3526092288614346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018056607917686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535655416386604
suicidewatch,moonchats,2018/01/04,"Death doesn't seem so scary when living feels like hell. I'm going to weekly therapy, a psychiatrist, trying med after med, and I'm tired. The anxiety never stops. I don't get much of a break. My ears ring constantly. My body is on edge. I just want it to stop. ",0.04603174603174765,2.3588060370370383,2.4963492063492083,90.905,90.48148148148148,6.048677248677249,15.121693121693122,7.447530270364453,0.14445820105820095,202,4,44,4,7,69,45,54,0.315,0.6,0.085,-0.9448,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,8,10,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,5,10,1,10,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,8,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484356826007447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25387252752370343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469862209210105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155640233808527,0.16327938171988873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194102939269042,0.0,0.1298927903869462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166018482283976,0.0,0.2018178123607249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077450550474069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801385660667914,0.0,0.17627532169022408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080674344894188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821635949177413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613719914772079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262689778039956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517350397895655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348073667770327,0.0,0.183332635111454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommunistPart-y,2018/01/04,"Why shouldn't I do it? I was born into a shitty rundown house my dad bought for half a million dollars, something we couldn't afford, that was located in the most ghetto part of town. My dad goes on hour long rants about how much he hates my family and went back to college getting us into more debt while being unemployed. He drove the rest of my family away including all my siblings other than my brother who he constantly calls a failure.
 I've been bullied for being the only Asian in my community, the rest of it being Hispanic or Somalian. I have no talent musically, despite the fact I started when I was 5, never been into sports, fuck I'm even bad at video games and my grades have been going down each report card. I go to bed at 8 and can't sleep until 2 only to wake up at 5. 
 Most of my friends don't talk to me anymore for whatever reason and I got out of contact with them when I switched highschools and I've never had a girlfriend or romantic interest in my life. 
 The only future I see for myself is working a minimum wage job trying to pay off my parent's debt. ",6.040342465753425,5.479860579908677,7.153070776255706,76.28385273972603,66.48858447488584,9.857077625570776,32.40525114155251,9.2995712137729,2.8005552511415517,853,31,164,14,12,290,142,219,0.14400000000000002,0.8029999999999999,0.053,-0.9613,8,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,1,1,6,6,2,0,11,0,18,4,2,2,4,24,30,12,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,5,12,0,0,1,3,6,4,7,3,0,2,11,1,25,3,33,14,9,33,0,0,1,1,17,16,1,4,13,119,30,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616666241209134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531575299973988,0.12534812188400293,0.13611033493910005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645607532393222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616080985479998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766956874374248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073512079167703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259446321538492,0.15070431894860886,0.08516837095090643,0.0,0.1852898438102116,0.0,0.1303776223274832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094311298323635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605364888497572,0.188096896777208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617667811506602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514199318871166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426274148189824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983444637636892,0.0,0.2514537313909214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719397187973292,0.0,0.0,0.18100835940351725,0.17652886526869638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760610104573054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299014858331502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313227093976232,0.0,0.0,0.1254965599763442,0.0,0.0,0.1153825331228414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102491541385514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067617467487093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608642472293653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111611526226446,0.14709527047637908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186765293699084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blirpnirpdirp,2018/01/04,"Please help, I'm a tourist alone in the US and don't know where to get help I'm on vacation in the states and I have a long history of mental illness (PTSD/depression). I'm having an intense relapse after I found out my boyfriend who I'm visiting has been cheating on me throughout the entire year we've been together, and I'm also stuck in his town because of the winter storm. I can't go anywhere and I'm having an intense rollercoaster of suicidal thoughts - and I'm all alone. Back home there is a ward I can call and get a bed the same day when I get a relapse or feel one coming, but I have no idea what to do here or where to go. I can't call a hotline either because it's $1 per minute from my international phone. Please, is there a quick way to get help before I panic and do something stupid? I don't want to die but I get overwhelmed and start to dissociate and I lose control. 

I'm afraid whoever I contact (hospital? police?) will think I'm just overreacting after a breakup. I know it's human that this hurts but the ache of the breakup and being stuck in the storm combined with my suicidal tendencies makes this unbearable. I'm losing control.",2.758670886075952,4.5023076835443065,4.167364978902956,86.2907943037975,75.54008438818565,7.271645569620253,27.46181434599157,8.07648339933343,1.7481343459915606,919,37,189,15,20,304,129,237,0.204,0.7140000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9855,0,2,1,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,4,10,8,2,3,18,0,18,1,0,3,1,33,47,17,3,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,7,13,0,2,7,0,0,4,5,8,0,1,6,1,19,0,21,39,3,26,0,4,0,0,12,10,0,2,10,113,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605664412503764,0.0,0.10059631537190138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967267625702593,0.0,0.15336403114647532,0.0,0.10704025732817678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568966656099534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835920649680436,0.0,0.0,0.2821742466957062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112583543741697,0.0,0.10834500208648852,0.0,0.1305528828479923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360452996473384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792511857939932,0.0,0.0,0.3286072687665633,0.0,0.14298169337946862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529484313256796,0.0,0.12618025763148075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466360490274207,0.14200456012769794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138264671962727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132251312043873,0.0,0.2814595378379242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396755282052785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676937750344508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524033705838514,0.0,0.0,0.14759053985862985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761650510432462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470448449773325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684130705563712,0.0,0.0,0.08903666619318118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27519342575092864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060283370030129,0.0,0.0998652916945836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513130373423415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419574837212954,0.09984832917764727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100632510507609
suicidewatch,BobsBurgersThrow,2018/01/04,"Does therapy help (UK) I might go the doctors if I figure out what to say with the hope of being referred to a therapist  (I think it's free here but what's the hope a doctor even refers me and doesn't just say ahh exercise and diet you'll be fine)

I've never been in therapy before and some success stories might ease my mind a little. Because right now all I can think is how stupid I am going to feel and what a POS the therapist might think I am etc...

I just want to be normal",3.075201109570042,3.595634495145632,4.6980859916782265,87.5873786407767,72.98058252427184,7.827461858529817,24.423023578363384,7.957251820313856,1.1169761442441049,375,10,84,5,7,127,69,103,0.044,0.768,0.188,0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,0,8,0,13,4,0,1,2,29,22,7,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,4,6,1,0,7,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,3,10,6,8,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,7,2,58,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056312009182732,0.0,0.12641686067593386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041227109069405,0.13000919190968954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568792001593413,0.09812499583793932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511832654005984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688644745662744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957919073087837,0.0,0.0,0.29511477088220456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488999674489105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728081774697218,0.15000709803934134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114581569491066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556099141602508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687268261089965,0.0,0.23628781038905025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397913300319325,0.344988069587368,0.0,0.2855810734853549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762678471473652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnforethoughtfulSaw,2018/01/04,"So tired of myself I don’t know how else to put this, but I am having a very hard time. I feel all out of sorts- sad, depressed, frustrated with myself, feeling like I can’t get anything right. Had some bad class evaluations, chair of my department told me I need to work on my communication and connecting with students. I took this as a character defect that I cant overcome. I don’t trust my bf of 9 years. I love my kids but I feel like i am doing them no favors by moping around and being sad all the time or barricading myself in my room constantly. I’ve stopped drinking lately and my feelings have intensified. I keep thinking about committing myself. I keep thinking about just not being around anymore and it makes me terribly, terribly sad. I feel like nothing will get better and that no one understands me and that I can’t articulate myself properly to someone even if I wanted to. I’m tired of feeling like this. Just so, so tired. I feel alone and trapped in my head. I am starting to scare myself with my thoughts. ",3.602958735733104,5.567229114427863,4.754509803921568,82.03411764705884,73.77611940298506,7.7144863915715565,27.743927421714957,8.4952907291091,2.089157799239099,816,32,155,15,17,268,113,201,0.324,0.57,0.105,-0.9957,0,2,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,11,18,1,1,3,0,15,6,1,2,3,44,39,16,0,3,7,0,8,4,1,1,3,0,1,1,7,13,1,3,12,1,0,3,8,10,0,1,4,8,36,8,23,32,3,18,0,4,0,1,5,8,0,4,11,109,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219255700274353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674962638445198,0.0,0.0,0.0968760344440852,0.20959693554168127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829382432899393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411646563324824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721678853606894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139468517609576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532376535276985,0.0,0.0,0.09834249725470094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775496019763108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166701571042194,0.3364054642255091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301086315569885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545672413700148,0.0,0.12081780610022208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092753008613355,0.0,0.0,0.06469750618236028,0.0,0.1327967211299187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300541312391439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624964329892887,0.0,0.07858104591154333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729014535955784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295843559254908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977218121644293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834417440306165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053483622939384,0.0,0.0,0.11786130385577205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974635303759287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332497636190066,0.0,0.0,0.0984217359566443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508643461157393,0.0,0.09345894703392177,0.1372905071578208,0.40591596347616105,0.0,0.11248941331926778,0.130794633321953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255384038528642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713384013973894,0.0694361013680305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570377800539407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580978054479133
suicidewatch,chesticals,2018/01/04,"Why does my brain do this? I can't understand what my problem is. I've been taking to a psychiatrist, been to therapy, tried different medications, been through two whole TMS therapy that didn't work, I have people who love me, people who support me and hate that I feel this way. Yet all I do is want to jump from a building and end everything. I don't want to hurt/punish everyone I know and love, but my brain keeps haunting me with these stupid thoughts.

I feel like I am broken and that's why I should end it all. I'm broken financially. I don't know if I'll ever get out of debt. I have a job I'll probably get fired from for drinking. I have a substance abuse problem. I got my degree but I don't even want to use it. 

I just don't understand what I need to do. I feel so lost, alone yet I'm not.",1.1011184210526324,2.8870939181286563,3.138358918128656,91.59771381578949,80.57894736842105,6.848099415204677,22.383406432748536,7.8658589789855275,0.9008388888888884,624,20,145,11,16,211,91,171,0.251,0.67,0.08,-0.9883,3,1,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,2,0,4,0,19,6,2,1,3,31,44,8,0,8,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,6,1,1,8,1,1,1,7,5,0,1,7,4,24,4,13,36,3,8,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,6,90,36,2,0.0,0.15042135200570078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148747423005236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834483562453612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264133921137786,0.0,0.0,0.1110994986803864,0.0,0.0,0.12436792890550245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248895486243654,0.0,0.0,0.08385282367713544,0.1148383993148554,0.0,0.12131129533897375,0.1140992992518487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257734697960732,0.09069694076116937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132657880504983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015378059374458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534214293318546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590834793925846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598361389306126,0.11284376494118295,0.0,0.0,0.13954270092791118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062023980380033136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858678197551744,0.0,0.2291643538279389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278941775760176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413579724023224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602973496010466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687935996817374,0.24295828428431546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440674479036441,0.0,0.0,0.0954546374665661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903690567411017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078838168995606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861943617732857,0.0,0.12401694787650272,0.26433003226194984,0.0,0.10964867661222938,0.0,0.0,0.2246446972659586,0.1007712623825131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291149472020748,0.14174113530815355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242502043965573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_izik_,2018/01/04,"I'm struggling everyday, and I want to get better and feel better but don't know how. I've been going through a lot recently, and I just feel like I'm not a good person.  I'm a senior in high school at this point.  Up until around the very end of May, I had never dated before and felt like I just wasn't a very attractive or appealing person.  When I started dating around May, I was genuinely happy.  I didn't and don't have many friends and was and am never invited out even by people who I consider friends.  I say all this to provide context.

It all started around August when I found out that my mother was cheating on my father.  At the time, I was dating for the very first time, and there was lots of tension in my house since my parents didn't approve of my girlfriend.  As time passed, the tension died down a lot which helped; however, I still had a lot of difficulties with my girlfriend.  She had borderline personality disorder, and she would often go to me for help when she would get upset.  This meant that she would usually insult me, say that she didn't trust me, and generally just hurt me.  I was willing to put up with it because I knew that she cared about me, but it would still hurt.  I was happy for the first time dating her, and I felt like we matched perfectly.  Of course, I was wrong as I later found out.  I discovered that she had been cheating on me the entire time that we were dating.  She had been lying about a lot of things, and I felt devastated.  I felt like all those times that she would say those mean things about me were true.  I hated myself and I hated her and I hated the world for its cruelty.  I ended up ranting to her and telling her how much she hurt me that night, and I continued to feel upset.  I was angry and I was sad that what I had felt like it was all a lie.  We tried to continue being friends, but I was so upset and devastated that I would sometimes freak out and become paranoid and rant about how she hurt me.  By ranting at her so often and using her as a crutch when I shouldn't have, I hurt her and made her feel terrible even though I always told her that she was a good person and that I appreciated her and that I even forgave her and wanted to continue being with her.  Now, I just feel terrible.  I feel like I'm not a good person for hurting her so much and betraying her.  I feel like I'm alone for a reason and that people don't invite me out at all because I'm just annoying or a nuisance.  I do well in my classes and am going to be an honor graduate, but I feel like I'm not actually even that smart.  I was rejected by the college of my dreams, and even though I expected it, it still hurt a lot and has only made me feel worse.  At this point, most of my friends have stopped trying to talk to me about why I'm upset, and one of the only people who does is my ex who I don't want to hurt anymore than I already have.  I haven't ranted to her for weeks, but I'm still scared of doing something terrible.  I hate myself and just...  I feel like all this pain that I'm going through is too much, and I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm struggling really hard to get through school without crying, and I often get thoughts of suicide and feel like people wouldn't mind if I was gone.  I always have a headache, and I'm tired of no one talking to me and doing nothing but sitting in my room all day because no one wants to hang out with me.  Even when I try to schedule with friends, they often end up cancelling and never telling me when they're available again or just never really communicate with me.  I even tried hanging out with a girl that I liked in an attempt to move on, and she ended up blocking me and doesn't talk to me anymore even though we were good friends before.  I want to get better, but I just don't know how.  People say I'm a good person, but I just don't believe them anymore.  What should I do?  Please help.",6.168617480688523,4.930354920199502,6.722571011495652,81.70529803539934,66.50623441396507,9.57002615412688,31.156985584818443,8.407314429234152,2.0897223039961084,3034,93,651,35,41,998,255,802,0.272,0.618,0.11,-0.9995,2,2,1,0,0,1,75.0,4,0,2,9,54,68,8,9,28,0,70,2,0,8,13,164,134,72,2,16,25,4,17,11,8,12,2,4,1,7,40,61,0,2,26,1,0,10,25,33,1,5,45,21,124,35,93,74,17,95,0,10,0,0,70,34,0,17,61,484,164,6,0.0,0.0,0.04050451894570363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298838857948705,0.04580363844214287,0.0,0.06907374286021423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465383936758873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108491989183406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590623566186169,0.04584085196668998,0.07063823190109755,0.04676379938727495,0.0,0.1101278201403796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042318812614685695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559312397886645,0.02676836603273957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307736661029933,0.0,0.047570235602164036,0.0,0.03632276342841997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705034620735094,0.0,0.0,0.2193180933060182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308571940469884,0.17791422438871718,0.1992645440362351,0.0,0.0,0.0706110983814975,0.0,0.09101983454063824,0.1924076847459884,0.0,0.10842760020817192,0.0,0.09435678002515284,0.17406911230551209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836923627861337,0.03718182030644676,0.16391695946246598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346313058749888,0.04385407186932492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789312017230694,0.35546995828283284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843293499301031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305866653687206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172490061279395,0.0,0.07854922257276648,0.0,0.0420812449465894,0.0,0.04521292774766975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190990078956649,0.0,0.0,0.04411501758961122,0.0915365267490273,0.0,0.12804999956532664,0.0,0.0,0.038951194627617945,0.0,0.03982676580056834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437797395232341,0.06313538023725301,0.04416601943037688,0.0,0.04608824099513385,0.0,0.0,0.14387748134033956,0.21745212040271167,0.0,0.045561855430620586,0.07847443167550695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041725663896528375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318046660116453,0.04267576592984845,0.04098282561575357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203106813774707,0.04155541390946,0.08401392455588484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034334743319983145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0319538595858774,0.04105115433952231,0.0,0.05875726414756064,0.0,0.13258910944304506,0.034701431611267874,0.0,0.08678355945788645,0.0,0.04540155617865488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008445849451927,0.07255731173464945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515036958352117,0.0,0.12234026683410955,0.0329516567395985,0.1452172256069147,0.04770580708816484,0.0,0.03966139842330929,0.0,0.11272120752089115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03584843305443691,0.04571372896315507,0.10274203999715452,0.12240853605941247,0.0,0.03329414409974353,0.0,0.037319477795851486,0.0,0.037453310428866425,0.0,0.0,0.04001094518930368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042298839020921145,0.1769108693292404,0.045381023824391,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JJMax2,2018/01/04,"I just cant life with this web of lies I created I dont really know how to start this off and I want to also apologize if my language is a bit strange. English is not my first language.

To start it off, im 19. Living with my parents, my mother was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, she is cancer free now but the chances of it coming back are high. My father has been on medication for his schizophrenia & depression all my life. I dont know if he was smart before it all happend but he is really bad at communicating and understanding stuff now. He's not been working since my mother got diagnosed which is when I noticed that without my mother he would living like an animal. I have a 12 year old sister, shes not bad at school but only plays minecraft and watches youtube videos in her free time. In my country (Germany) there are 3 ways of education. She is currently in the highest one, I was too but I stopped going to school when I started making my own money by being a fraud online. I am not allowed to start with my Abitur (Higher School Certificate after 12 years of school) as I dont have the right grades for it. I am scum, I'll admit it but for a 16 year old making thousands of euros without getting out of the appartment I didnt care about any harm I did. By nature I dont care about people except my parents and my sister and my grandmother, I wouldnt wish harm to extended family but I dont care about them or anybody else.

Back to me, after starting to earn my money and not being able to continue pursuing higher education (Abitur) because I simply didnt care about grades or showing up I slowly stopped making money and for a good 2 years now I simply dont do it. I have been out for so long that I couldnt start now if I wanted to. Currently my parents believe im a millionaire that for tax reasons doesnt want to bring the money to germany and get it taxed. They think Ill meet an attorney in the next few months to get money into Germany. I currently have about 2000€ to my name. I told my father I would give them money to pay off their debt (20k) and pay 50% of the house they've been saving up for. They think I have a successful IT business, I have nothing. Nothing at all. No money, no education, I am not very smart either, I am too proud to admit to my lies. 

I simply cant live with this lie anymore, I have been lying to them and everybody else for years now and I just cant stop it now. I've been thinking of taking out loans and getting money other ways to give something to my family and then just ending it in a hotel by making it look like I got killed and/or robbed. I dont know why I am posting this either as made this decision months ago I just couldnt do it yet. ",5.874354838709677,5.084686650537638,6.847512544802867,79.097935483871,66.90322580645162,9.662222222222224,30.786379928315412,8.936278230431713,2.3354397132616485,2133,68,436,31,30,718,234,558,0.151,0.759,0.09,-0.9913,8,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,6,5,26,21,1,0,17,0,54,8,0,8,3,84,96,32,1,12,26,10,0,2,0,3,8,0,0,0,24,23,0,3,11,4,17,3,26,6,0,3,16,2,70,17,74,73,8,69,0,1,2,0,33,20,0,5,45,302,94,14,0.061554759689544825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456458046310676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922531908460685,0.0,0.06669455640631483,0.0,0.04185934739154153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061045781354691936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466362130539782,0.10279130639348004,0.03752321017612307,0.0,0.05237856677352711,0.0693511352951106,0.0,0.0,0.0672018550379971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510367196526905,0.0,0.0,0.053023975041633566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301702432353202,0.12495357073475137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049920394415246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284220637273683,0.0,0.0545192466643006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605669840396253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235844714666326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286392854350884,0.11809786884937765,0.034982988461562024,0.051629211981797575,0.09846192891608176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503598320282424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102592818149968,0.0,0.0,0.13297940662900784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810122150009329,0.0,0.1014866583880092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695589431847668,0.060145092666603416,0.0,0.16306194162403154,0.05447402530992276,0.051690495176842016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824460195007181,0.16435312029325427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200994449805498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826484383506384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546418525335422,0.0,0.0,0.11812690412633513,0.07008050188874701,0.12918273133814656,0.0,0.041711098215337535,0.04681516850760245,0.0,0.0,0.205047828361671,0.0,0.0,0.04267431990168363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058952444475416775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886711051365215,0.06328854489160138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256742844537838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24918681223039554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091873330452678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738786130247927,0.0,0.0,0.26141265437321537,0.0,0.0,0.15438760602043358,0.0,0.0,0.07046547299730083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462815187021748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832541361040028,0.0,0.0,0.035893075385238365,0.0,0.0,0.058818210754634996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640806756820109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078912327981354,0.10891977628117304,0.0977186062066728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554359638940902,0.0,0.07078493582295353,0.11867318350799848,0.0,0.04481259816763825,0.0,0.0,0.08745347038223712,0.0,0.0,0.237835482527976
suicidewatch,thishardlife,2018/01/04,"I’m considering dying I’m 29 and have been depressed for over 3 years now... there were good days, there were days where I just wanted to end it all...

I have friends, a bf, family, but somehow I always feel this profound emptiness, I always feel alone... I panic when there’s nobody around... because I live alone.. it wasn’t a choice I never liked being alone but since I’m 29 I guess it’s what is supposed to be done...

I don’t know what to do... I feel very empty all the time, most days I don’t have a reason to wakeup in the morning... or at least feels that way... I think I’ve just lost my will to do stuff 

I want my own family and a simple life but even that seems far from where I am now...

What’s worse is that I don’t have the motive or passion for anything this past few months I’ve lost a lot of it... 

I question why I wakeup in the morning and then I start to panic and end up concluding that I should die 

Honestly I want to be happy but this emptiness is chipping away parts of me everyday more and more...

I hate being lonely ... 

I guess I’m posting this so someone would talk to me because I don’t want to tell the people that love me that this is how I feel most of the time...

",1.8361067193675888,3.0091517707509894,3.382235177865613,93.34465711462452,76.74703557312253,6.008616600790514,20.950395256916998,6.2581,0.03545549407114645,910,21,212,6,20,301,125,253,0.183,0.706,0.111,-0.9725,0,5,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,4,15,14,1,2,11,0,27,3,0,4,3,42,50,15,2,6,8,0,5,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,19,6,0,0,12,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,5,29,7,22,36,11,29,0,4,0,2,6,10,0,10,18,146,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361944444576909,0.0,0.0,0.18006574468796716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904116550740677,0.09632287043181904,0.0,0.0,0.10165949939350506,0.0,0.0,0.13191807561930693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093443426188641,0.0,0.09319436944487124,0.0,0.22459353660847972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072838568206514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167001091887775,0.0,0.0,0.0714665120192872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400675001313107,0.0,0.2735513383058029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359672721463257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075484557973527,0.0,0.0,0.23839377552664665,0.0,0.0,0.11518322070817408,0.0,0.10682724053453993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946508224616681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764263917479839,0.05286211417734691,0.0,0.09554449741384274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362308980292171,0.09198961457511096,0.09765668184470654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636593883431883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834521830375043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25390386327508224,0.0,0.11717240459560795,0.10329121345864813,0.07501375992844814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362776787684932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121119229555298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112498505812648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850319069432097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950595216904098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091679346502429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658605199641041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386559614405306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696880466324497,0.09457346474257723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933158076062439,0.0,0.0,0.12618710954246445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927812111512944,0.2552817703399445,0.08588584520406985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763562757923096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026725398611167,0.0768637162499216,0.0,0.0,0.06967864916544472
suicidewatch,coroyu,2018/01/04,"Reasons to kill myself/reasons to live Reasons to kill myself

* I'm potentially dangerous to people around me. I don't know if I will have more self control in the future. I never knew that I was such a disgusting person but here we are. 

* I can't deal with the emotional pain of not having my feelings reciprocated again and again and again and again
* My life is going on a steady decline in quality, just like my parents and my grandparents.

* One less mouth for the Earth to feed. 


Reasons to live

* The people who love me (whoever they are) will hurt when I die and I'm nice enough to care about their feelings.

* Haven't finished any of the projects that I've started - don't know if I care about finishing them though but might as well try.

* Some poor animal out there needs an owner.

* I'm a source of blood/plasma for people who actually want to live.

* Life might go uphill and I might turn into one of those people who actually want to be alive for their own means, who knows?


I've tired myself out typing out all of this but I just needed a public space to vent. I still want to die but this life of mine isn't entirely my own so I'm just stuck in this limbo of existence. I have a to do list of shit to do before I die so I'm not allowed to kill myself until I'm done with everything... It'll probably take me a year so we'll see how I go after I'm done.",1.0708778173190971,3.283406722419933,2.9284804270462637,90.74989739027285,83.19928825622777,6.024246737841043,19.331079478054573,7.3011,0.4203949228944248,1063,28,229,16,30,354,143,281,0.185,0.706,0.109,-0.983,3,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,2,0,4,1,21,14,6,0,12,0,24,9,2,6,2,49,54,20,6,7,11,1,2,1,0,7,5,0,0,2,11,14,1,1,10,0,1,3,8,8,1,2,5,3,31,6,41,41,7,27,0,1,1,1,17,10,1,6,15,159,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.17946657342697714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253148803922265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185805112950295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824559927019485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750530778150545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313359469806406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479995233989592,0.0,0.0,0.28629943938495284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882005761667092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343523616257408,0.0,0.09501247757092468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826418168931976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298883780017972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677776608164198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843805245343087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30519855060258577,0.0,0.15160560688561578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484828853117087,0.04492380289067313,0.0,0.24358969949865836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299156389073803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016424622093274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926441851835184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636461169583214,0.07092015671177562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462005270929125,0.0,0.09784493650824842,0.0,0.10210340601453748,0.0,0.0,0.25499573125722536,0.08029019137638023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914135386562957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781737780946551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327498129711295,0.0,0.09592748550303902,0.0,0.0943888781442418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650851135563542,0.0,0.07343413082307992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913753829203031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903437816008124,0.0,0.0,0.10568694498209172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062430345406161575,0.10001893062144986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270955263715484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267717993495698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921499640168019
suicidewatch,IWantToDieCR,2018/01/04,"9 years wasted trying to study or get a job I graduated from High School in 2009 when I was 16. Since I was 15, I’ve dealt with depression and I’ve had to take certain meds in order to live a ‘normal’ life. I was a good student back in school, I learnt how to read & write when I was 4 and my parents supported me academically as much as they could.

Right after I graduated from high school, I started to look for a job so I could afford going to college/uni. Unfortunately, until this day, I’ve not been able to get a job. It’s been 9 years since I graduated and I haven’t been able to achieve anything professionally or academically. 

It makes me feel terrible to see how other people my age now have successful jobs and academic careers, and I’m still here trying to find a way to get a job or at least get admitted to a college/university.

This is becoming a never ending cycle that repeats itself every year and it really hurts. I don’t know what’s what I’m doing wrong. 

I can’t get a loan to study because I need stable income, but I can’t get stable money income if I don’t have a job. I’ve tried with public universities but every time I try to enroll they come up with a new issue: “sorry, we didn’t receive your payment”, “we’re sorry but we can’t admit you because we got the admission dates wrong”, “we’re sorry but we realized that we have priority for other people” and so on. This has been recurrent every time I’ve applied.

I’m not asking for a lot. I just want a job. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t have any problems with the authorities. I don’t even think it’s my fault because I’ve tried everything with no success, maybe it’s just the way this system works.

What makes me feel worse is that I’ve wasted my youth. I don’t even have any friends anymore because they have moved to other places and I’m still here.

I feel like my life is so worthless. I pretty much spend the whole day learning stuff online and improving the knowledge of the languages I speak.

At this point being killed or committing suicide would just make me a huge favor.

PD: I don’t live in Europe or North America.",3.0166450304259627,4.419297372413793,4.807521974306965,83.38276369168359,74.1264367816092,7.508451656524677,24.518255578093303,8.124751697461798,1.3629350912778904,1667,51,343,26,34,568,203,435,0.134,0.759,0.107,-0.9359,12,0,2,0,0,1,41.0,5,2,3,4,18,17,1,0,21,0,38,4,0,5,3,63,69,29,2,8,15,1,3,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,21,20,1,0,11,2,3,4,17,9,0,0,11,6,46,8,38,54,5,46,0,3,2,0,19,15,0,7,24,210,67,25,0.14317533231013393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756520637000405,0.0,0.09736413566223796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099572864610129,0.0,0.0,0.058910549581155464,0.0,0.066924804230404,0.0,0.0,0.05504649643032841,0.0,0.17455670734173726,0.07906295291098699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166643558743031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431385256681915,0.0,0.0,0.09233624474032084,0.0,0.061658351960924375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701286591228207,0.08301896516007523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634054238683449,0.0,0.0,0.0945659566721248,0.0,0.18094708885910332,0.0,0.06433837834081349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085906249300943,0.051142243005071884,0.0,0.0,0.06542982994580877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553084532905208,0.0,0.22440960536438348,0.0,0.04068492041433849,0.060044337917054415,0.057255196281966986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127259945687405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663607723032753,0.0,0.0,0.07471892440631904,0.4972779875056407,0.0,0.07920114600543246,0.0,0.039342709139615815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112897140826163,0.0349741176506753,0.0,0.12642644152353455,0.0,0.060115609755818526,0.0,0.0,0.06086127376587034,0.0,0.0,0.14335596913753526,0.0,0.0719194326890833,0.0,0.07951775881417081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608635984534565,0.10525034321282514,0.05308134736995798,0.055212821378417466,0.06913981406354686,0.0,0.0,0.0701407133312569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948963143608867,0.0,0.0,0.09925974796828416,0.0,0.07479387447399713,0.0,0.06767348369512724,0.0,0.0,0.07283039271025102,0.0,0.06849972838490476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160703879421106,0.0,0.04586089204589218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061135475748064716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735162009605954,0.05704610143920656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184361144200028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404095938761355,0.05067011856425199,0.0,0.11434000532998935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195075054848225,0.07830528762525775,0.08123683520054491,0.0,0.0,0.05382501575363193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587048588889927,0.0,0.0,0.08348668765556175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430166309073433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042224260270732485,0.11364591452462346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992507271918818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052116673565877666,0.0,0.07295394771743346,0.05085382408607632,0.15653974984092248,0.0,0.13830032973009818
suicidewatch,OverlyNormalPerson,2018/01/04,"Venting my thoughts. I'm not quite sure what to post. I made an account just so that I could. I've been lurking Reddit for a while now, then came across this subreddit. It seems like the perfect place for me to say the things on my mind, but I'm just as anxious here as I am in real life. No matter how much I try to change my thinking, my thoughts snowball into anxiety, depression, then to some suicidal thoughts. It's like flipping a switch - death is as reasonable as living, and equally as logical. I start to wonder if I am wrong about that thought process, or if everything is just about perspectives. 

Then, I start to freeze. I put my whole life on hold for thoughts that no one else would care about. Family, friends, girlfriend - they brush it off and tell me I'm ridiculous. I try to focus on work and business, but I get stressed out. It feels like being flooded with everything, all at the same time. It's as if the world feels like it's against you and no one cares enough about what you're dealing with. I try to look for friends that don't exist, a girlfriend I love that don't reciprocate it back, and seeking comfort from family that gives me the cold shoulder.

I'm not sure of what to think anymore. I step back from it all so I could get a bit of sense of what I'm going through. A part of me tells me it could all be solved so easily, but here I am, still sad. I'm just sad, perhaps a bit lonely as well, and finding someone to talk to without a superficial conversation is difficult. As I enter my 30's, I'm scared that I'll be like this for the rest of my life. I don't love myself enough to change what's wrong with my life. I'm not sure if I'm seeking for help either with this post, but it's nice to know that someone here could at least know what I'm going through. The thought alone is enough for me. 

Thanks for reading, and sorry for the disorganized thoughts.",4.095474759615385,4.8425042005208345,4.428333333333335,89.61923076923081,70.796875,7.678525641025642,28.83173076923077,7.748469712250963,1.507384134615385,1479,54,325,17,26,464,174,384,0.199,0.665,0.136,-0.9827,0,4,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,1,3,20,29,1,2,16,0,19,7,1,3,7,70,59,32,2,9,18,0,3,5,4,1,4,1,0,0,28,14,0,1,18,1,1,6,10,10,1,2,10,7,34,19,59,41,17,31,0,4,1,2,16,12,0,8,16,215,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003343049083783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591150419191084,0.08729857501646895,0.07663587798661754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118839165805423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872822491182587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838183194812174,0.15757370116768646,0.0,0.1634930711782772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467906907797339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966696803124355,0.06655670739415401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455321403507469,0.0,0.0,0.2395367031221572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889928891247974,0.0,0.1456956857794752,0.0,0.07814496300302194,0.11041032382203353,0.0,0.0,0.07062780479945806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940470106672113,0.0,0.08074583013041728,0.07412906892807627,0.0878341459754765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051795697095205526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849364634967276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183260221861605,0.18876292025449512,0.0,0.06823510041833966,0.0,0.06489140434494316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948712217999393,0.07311932306165393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802556091437708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056805899554286964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472686441493934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836811225162325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073576182178388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801587403987398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768255874425503,0.0,0.08219130544157892,0.07729575275395811,0.08795568676987447,0.0,0.07945140674148402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145205521541521,0.07736559663061572,0.0,0.0,0.07034811308327674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094944416913434,0.0,0.0,0.08650285800968648,0.10939106050207996,0.0,0.061711787910070676,0.0,0.08851806937787059,0.0,0.0,0.08452613393222476,0.0,0.21849186963591066,0.0,0.0,0.06211059014477276,0.1350832342687084,0.07114429146829072,0.0,0.0,0.05133797074581372,0.09902919589125417,0.0,0.4294331449631302,0.04505958126418797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739363392777928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947936247030838,0.0,0.0,0.08627460042718496,0.0,0.07449018924633223,0.08380126883212276,0.05625700464843818,0.0,0.0,0.05489382998293196,0.1689758158362581,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ewic_g,2018/01/04,Whos here? Im just wondering how many men and women are suicidal ,-1.6023809523809551,-0.3014888571428571,2.2442857142857164,87.28404761904763,116.14285714285714,7.580952380952381,18.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.9531238095238104,52,2,11,2,3,19,14,14,0.29,0.71,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054390961046146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474402318333761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118337999375188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074445011329054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hunxho,2018/01/04,"I can’t take it anymore I am 20 years old. I have been fighting depression for 3 years. The only girl i have ever truly loved left me in december. My mom won’t talk to me anymore. Lost my grandma last week. Was alone Christmas eve and new years eve. And today my dog died. Since my girl left me i have been taking xanax and percocet everyday. January 21st is my birthday and the day i will take my life. 

Have nobody left to talk to so had to get this off my chest ",0.4595032802249293,2.6660648659793837,2.325379568884724,94.09691658856607,85.90721649484536,5.589128397375821,20.158388003748826,6.980632752743323,0.3707402061855669,360,11,80,5,11,119,63,97,0.138,0.795,0.067,-0.743,0,1,0,0,2,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,13,4,1,0,1,5,19,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,16,1,7,12,0,18,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,0,13,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642906286842744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146324353954589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230185009698343,0.0,0.13662594785553578,0.0,0.16463067996566189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348798568845875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287651244237583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930288191568318,0.0,0.0,0.5170489190301941,0.0,0.11204355237280314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316105333540835,0.0,0.14316784158674076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578303853743294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320378068123072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645326044645,0.0,0.0,0.12064363952861128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121860930709325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578052394429677,0.254998138659174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036066833847242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724170517668096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30645343310639656
suicidewatch,Admaius_Bonum,2018/01/04,I can't find a reason to live i hate everything about who i am and no matter how hard i try to change myself i cant. i wish i could just start over redo my life all i ever did with this one was make mistakes and cause pain. and frankly i just don't like living anymore. i'm able to imagine a perfect scenario where life is different and i'm happy but that world is a million miles away and i'm confident in saying no matter how hard i try in this life i will never see that world.,1.359333333333332,2.8306070285714284,3.2323809523809537,92.66761904761907,78.71428571428572,5.80952380952381,21.19047619047619,6.42735559955562,0.1854761904761908,378,10,86,3,9,127,67,105,0.168,0.718,0.113,-0.3472,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,3,0,10,4,0,5,4,25,18,8,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,2,4,13,3,9,14,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,4,58,18,0,0.1795473034761265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806267924866606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686906019516299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844445392509618,0.18993723995489786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335391192863411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758871743701294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241081527127246,0.0,0.0,0.16136553908738158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410298260351894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113144321887854,0.3216782344602463,0.1772657903896232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804587108693406,0.08771774319382651,0.0,0.3170871168570167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984921927797497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847794918094594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166589955615995,0.0,0.19105098992473546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460453153462447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278322222529488,0.0,0.0,0.14307595480272764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270845055253017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438016665315091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647053806792234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HappyCamperBob,2018/01/04,"I'm so scared to let people know I want to kill myself I've been inspecting different methods on doing the deed but the fact that remains is that people have to know. I don't want anyone to know or care, I just want to leave this world without any repercussions. Why do people care for me? It only makes life harder for me. Can't I just be left to die alone? ",0.9671000000000021,3.1514592266666703,2.5409166666666683,93.543375,83.4,5.3500000000000005,17.375,6.6274283507984215,-0.15549999999999953,282,6,61,3,8,92,51,75,0.172,0.6779999999999999,0.15,-0.4227,1,1,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,1,13,19,3,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,10,16,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798357412250706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299950038525623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366315547528826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389799666883726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839336358288712,0.19972097393488708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114896457525208,0.0,0.31516875847899084,0.0,0.0,0.2024102916741331,0.2076953380432931,0.19547352323160128,0.1350215963856322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276004395497303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538540110479292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975777497056109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191383990928678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382524482489282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249170081627707,0.0,0.0,0.18427092045915885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarlordRab,2018/01/04,"I´m tired of existing I don´t want to kill myself, but im really tired of all, i want just to stop existing, just dissapear wit no pain for me or my beloved ones.
But nothing motivates me, i´m empty with no will to live.
i´m tired of pretending that im ok, or cant talk with anybody about this.
i don´t know what to do,or handle it. is like the suicide is the only way,, or at leat the easy one. ",0.2263095238095225,2.2385928214285715,2.659523809523812,92.61880952380956,85.07142857142857,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,0.6933904761904772,303,9,71,6,9,104,56,84,0.301,0.534,0.165,-0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,3,1,4,4,0,1,1,15,7,5,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,7,2,12,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043699316726953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708534488837693,0.0,0.10286844195993844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144599012948612,0.0,0.16528209859561627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796028774723581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536740742479723,0.14235773019711628,0.1991711859284986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991137913030694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564896582615558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047429653776449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044703709970794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.645402662225715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208055297639625,0.1485736292431451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stubbornreality,2018/01/04,"what happens after your body is found? my family lives in another country, will my parents be forced to come here and make arrangements in regards to the burial etc? that seems like a waste of money and time, as well as being quite hard on my family

could i make arrangements for that, as in cremate asap? so far i'm planning to pack everything into boxes ready to be shipped home but idk what to do with the actual body",5.954634146341466,6.344730560975613,6.491365853658537,77.73290243902441,66.5609756097561,9.974634146341463,29.81463414634146,9.888512548439397,2.7863482926829266,334,11,62,7,5,109,62,82,0.087,0.853,0.06,-0.3262,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,7,2,2,2,0,11,14,7,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,2,17,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.1955317051619598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010486636997566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44513063606649744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726005618514412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997872256182072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346493128223288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007916534255702,0.0,0.377781019537272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969478856356373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718606610518806,0.0,0.17949169413148358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098692179326236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789040503575686,0.0,0.1769299184554162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674963625640999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224865912313161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131176019433872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824088458140707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683705292188926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015622254293573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-waphles-,2018/01/04,"I finally got a gun I’ve failed to hang myself twice now. It seems near impossible to fuck up a bullet through your brain. It’s finally over. I hope all of you can overcome whatever you’re going through. It’s too late for me, I’ve already made my choice. Goodbye ",1.21222222222222,3.5600354074074083,2.997777777777781,89.60000000000002,83.81481481481481,6.562962962962962,25.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.5603555555555555,208,9,44,4,6,69,42,54,0.173,0.772,0.055,-0.743,0,0,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,9,5,1,9,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,2,4,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053071936502679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308850130693128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6061469342038289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25577274189665755,0.0,0.0,0.15723534576703882,0.0,0.22127462688072536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747912085108953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31209066792636003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26178752958014634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518658264815618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skyp311,2018/01/04,"40 years old with family and thinking of ending it I am 40 years old, married, with five young children under 10.  I have started a couple of businesses and failed on all of them and I find myself at the point where I am failing again, in a house that I cannot afford or sell, and with little to no retirement savings.  I don't have a particular skill from schooling like accounting, law, coding, engineering, etc.  I was just not afraid of risk and wasn't tied down to a big family.  During my last business, I had three children.  Now I feel like my time is stretched, my mind is stretched, and I cannot get motivated for work.  I tried antidepressants, but they made me very suicidal.  If I had a gun in my house at the time, I would have killed myself for sure.  I know this is all financial, I want to live.  If I had a big bag of money, I would be happy. But I think that I don't have the will to be successful anymore now.  I have life insurance policies that will settle at a few million in death benefit next year and wonder every day if I should end it at that point and take care of my family with insurance money.  I cant find any stories online of someone in my spot losing it all with such a big family and getting back on track.  I just see myself either killing myself and getting money for my family or moving to the cheapest place that I can support my family and hope that they can get a good education and take care of themselves after 18.",6.018182989690723,5.485637766323029,6.830960051546395,78.48190399484537,66.5257731958763,10.024140893470793,30.558634020618552,9.516144504307137,2.527084020618556,1134,36,229,20,16,378,151,291,0.124,0.737,0.14,0.4618,1,0,0,1,0,1,29.0,0,0,3,7,8,19,2,2,13,0,29,1,0,2,4,49,48,19,4,8,11,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,10,17,0,0,8,0,5,1,8,7,0,3,6,2,40,12,35,35,6,42,0,3,1,0,5,22,0,7,21,165,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617482109492295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650636981891453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748261570526547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843011234606533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767277738155216,0.0,0.06275754860562692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237733596243746,0.0,0.108527494821215,0.0,0.0,0.08198871964133561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504169366459027,0.0,0.04920336856042775,0.06951900221235767,0.0,0.0,0.1778809933035503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336393732611915,0.0,0.0,0.08161985504001637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358937550043708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665178597661912,0.0,0.2245676716623316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153204208828652,0.0,0.05347958405824818,0.07932145791086141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873364144751316,0.09508248443821404,0.09753119264600968,0.08592740122000007,0.0,0.0,0.1088661246515431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207802686789718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825637592676932,0.0,0.0,0.1034261993142198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349135897281063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422306288947925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166928979851264,0.0,0.18398070895142155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848393337525298,0.07754427297538136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245129969525881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887723098533872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064424464746244,0.11042737655193463,0.09171447163512347,0.0,0.1463315321889905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470592694481795,0.0,0.0,0.1134856604403101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066067785490018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802917712780394,0.05739655264797654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552963512232952,0.07084357142035523,0.0,0.0,0.13825389351015302,0.0,0.0,0.1879952924145897
suicidewatch,mostflavoursome,2018/01/04,"Yesterday, I almost killed myself. I am really tired and drained right now so I am not going to go into detail about this.  

Near my house there is a stormwater drain that often gets overflowed, people are often warned not to go near because a kid drowned in it something like 10 years ago.  
Over the last couple months, my suicidal thoughts have been more and more intense and while I don't want to discuss them specifically, they led me to make the decision to take my own life.

I took 5 diazepam and waited a while and walked down to the drain. It was overflowed again as planned. I jumped in and immediately fucking regretted it. I was tired and drowsy and I couldn't get my head above water properly.

Anyway... I'm writing from the hospital. Apparently my brother saw me and jumped in to grab me.  

I told the nurses that I fell in so they wouldn't take me to the psych ward or some shit, but they're probably not that stupid.  
I think I'll just rest for a bit, I might respond to a comment or two. I feel sick, guys.",3.9928358208955217,5.364329079601991,4.4887363184079625,86.7474328358209,71.63681592039799,7.549054726368159,26.832835820895525,8.021203637495839,1.4986143283582092,799,27,164,11,15,253,128,201,0.13,0.835,0.035,-0.9371,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,1,10,6,4,0,11,0,12,8,2,2,0,34,30,17,3,4,7,1,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,7,10,1,1,4,0,0,9,6,5,0,1,7,3,26,1,22,20,6,30,0,1,1,1,11,12,2,7,10,110,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782079750573718,0.0,0.16698392697761774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165405481235676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820564131762788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845144205377014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431779377491719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416497137457086,0.17424821745344574,0.0,0.2843170354999005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511651713921874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114169277028138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241620220049804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844928850880689,0.0,0.0,0.1359299276804564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778602104961515,0.08146947606465267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131217865191813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769037563322458,0.0,0.0,0.133104547484766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560891602835678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979319728183735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682936690939768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424103169065065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117456568527165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837836175722162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824060529457989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250762342393813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685171501753413,0.0,0.1323871283231656,0.0,0.3833273000292861,0.0,0.1593442989539597,0.1852741385936004,0.0,0.0,0.16289821621781278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835811716061073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073866062442536
suicidewatch,Tr4iLL,2018/01/04,"I just want it all to end. I am 16 and my life is probably the biggest failure, When people say they're the definition of failure than they havent me, I don't know the basics to absolutely anything in life, I always wanted to be some sort of engineer but then I remember I don't even know basic maths and the basics to anything...I think about suicide daily every single day, I don't go to school...I honestly have no idea what happened, It all went by so fast not that I miss school, But it just happened so quickly like a dream. I was suddenly out of school and I spend 98% of my life indoors just infront of my PC not even learning anything and everyday I just think about life long and hard and I came to the conclusion that it isnt worth living, For 2 reasons. One I will never be what I want to be I am incapable of learning anything I cannot sit down and listen I cannot absorb knowledge, Two, It's boring I have nothing but time in here and I just imagine a world where I could do everything, Even in that world NOTHING seems interesting or fun absolutely nothing, All my life I just wanted to be knowledgable and help people but as I grew up I learnt i'm not anything, just an empty shell, on a sidenote I can't remember the last time I actually talked to a girl, not that I actually care though...It pains me to see my father tear his ass searching for all sorts of programs that can host me, he found a computer one I ended up squandering it and just having my hatred of groups get the better of me, I never showed up...Everytime he shows me some advanced stuff I just say ""mhm"" ""yes"" ""ok"" I want to learn but I cant I am incapable I cannot, Only thing I ever passed in my life is my 2 diving courses.

I just needed to spill this out and hopefully I'll stop being a coward and actually do it, It's 3:08 PM and I havent slept since 17:45 yesterday when Im tired my suicidal thoughts get worse and so does my spelling and punctuation, so forgive me.",2.795262096774195,4.2312021389578165,4.547368951612906,84.89105342741938,74.75682382133995,7.518889578163773,26.48953163771712,8.17850203761792,1.6449181761786609,1534,56,319,25,32,520,193,403,0.17,0.735,0.095,-0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,1,3,25,12,0,0,14,2,30,10,2,1,7,77,57,29,2,8,20,1,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,18,18,0,1,19,3,2,6,18,3,0,3,6,5,54,9,38,44,7,40,0,1,1,1,13,14,1,7,20,216,72,9,0.0,0.0,0.2569713510425105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303700708944798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28893003486861474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763110406623389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039283236479353,0.08949390286293901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700823232063814,0.0,0.0,0.056608524708518286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681373037504524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548769668073492,0.0,0.0,0.1739264784889295,0.07939879069166655,0.07395541356789362,0.0,0.07888777998833922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624230605366617,0.0,0.0,0.09171910572296467,0.0,0.049885358214778484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552407839442836,0.0,0.07863042484367004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058834679266988175,0.0,0.0,0.0871817834849161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990888858939683,0.09481358835546068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647924187055266,0.07154949181141355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719944573971891,0.04288312154679465,0.0,0.07750818065995978,0.07767936318454452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508509789637494,0.13539716162454335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526715063359929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895913799875585,0.06675791730752233,0.0934002919395044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170622513891913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946378190305934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024877152158124,0.0,0.0,0.1988671294757804,0.0,0.0,0.13960665312605175,0.0,0.26650324780365364,0.06994643656838724,0.07990834958133075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260955574250194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338501148649948,0.0,0.0,0.100482992358029,0.1920262978772135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055135571462977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831474837564374,0.11248716215982736,0.086239879932094,0.06968466705994418,0.10236626439105054,0.10088607410654876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574480091514118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25886401245327073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136961407993114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945166361401527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheWaif211,2018/01/04,"If only Two years ago I had pneumonia and I wish it had taken me then and there, but here I am emotionally feeling worse than I ever have before and I’m not able to talk to anyone because then to me it sounds so stupid and petty. I saw a counsellor and the entire time I felt like she thought I was an attention seeker and that my problems are stupid. I wish my life ended back then so the last few years never happened. ",2.7039408866995096,4.189077850574717,4.1766830870279135,87.25448275862068,75.0919540229885,6.810509031198686,22.773399014778327,7.447530270364453,0.8409881773399017,331,9,69,4,7,110,61,87,0.222,0.675,0.103,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,2,18,15,13,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,4,13,1,4,8,1,12,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,13,51,16,0,0.2092549971646199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854919292623838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631595943852785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090417627946846,0.0,0.1275599040368885,0.0,0.17806059022829596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353837068575788,0.18533781731412036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892831250100761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580561397559893,0.0,0.20091761284366466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504350291743266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705707515815937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478029929028416,0.10223142173645423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161390353974735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914785473500068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022877178188225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819124028250762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612509373870527,0.12201827163080073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441172628953164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812658393805997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324871926529265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695067149588805
suicidewatch,Gelio911,2018/01/04,"What is the reason to keep waking up every morning?? Judging from the experience of last 23 years of my miserable life i realise that im stuck in endless loop of social anxiety, loneliness, poverty and depression. For the first time i really feel myself as close to the dangerous line as it possible and i dont know what can i do about it. Thanks for your attention.",5.21742857142857,6.613197314285718,6.55857142857143,72.97642857142857,68.71428571428571,10.742857142857144,32.57142857142857,10.793553405168565,3.9799428571428574,292,13,51,9,5,99,54,70,0.255,0.708,0.037000000000000005,-0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,8,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,7,1,13,8,0,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033773414477994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289793894397409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31157853899265714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399319589401315,0.0,0.0,0.26005591737574113,0.0,0.0,0.13442361120912955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22613500875669645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871676006574175,0.0,0.0,0.2363029705788957,0.0,0.0,0.146106232670697,0.21670623639631287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778032003197254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997100847292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703126782643386,0.273341866178186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27100435224186353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447623546948938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502142173563122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120105686564624
suicidewatch,thirdworldblair,2018/01/04,Cycles I am so tired of being on the brink of killing myself then calming down only to find myself here again two days later. What is the fucking point. Everyone will be better off once and for all so I might as well do it,2.2384782608695666,3.9953874130434817,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,77.04347826086956,5.469565217391305,20.195652173913047,5.985473137389443,0.03714782608695622,175,4,36,1,4,57,41,46,0.14800000000000002,0.708,0.145,-0.2909,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,4,8,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,8,4,1,9,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,4,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570234957766237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742128025033766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776930821972398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265614927908162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268666945406207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215201186354958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082943642832479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30949325648995296,0.0,0.2210242078034452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27472312717093994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33401678043792143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28388657795047345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26129590047512874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smokincrackwithjesus,2018/01/04,"Lethal Combination What drugs combination could painlessly end my life? I figured fent or H. But I’m sure there’s others that may be more effective. I have access to any drug under the sun. 

I’m looking for the most painless way to go. 

I don’t need a lecture. My mind is 100% made up. I only am looking for information about the most painless way to go. 

Edit: This was originally posted to DNM but was removed due to sub rules.",1.438352941176472,3.9610446588235284,3.5508823529411764,84.74397058823531,84.76470588235293,6.223529411764706,23.794117647058826,7.554174236665415,1.3566705882352943,336,13,66,6,10,114,63,85,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.7086,0,0,2,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,3,1,15,17,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,10,11,3,11,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,4,3,40,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501751405721062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200386750912875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287118716222877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190085638744387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591046561179423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101166656740093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828503100036121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569694618259527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301700085382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902606809232992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337038187280468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831829590399887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484530159218185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618808308118746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sad_exe,2018/01/04,Tired I wish I could be brave enough to end it all.,-0.12250000000000227,0.843105083333338,0.8900000000000041,110.055,81.5,4.800000000000002,12.0,3.1291,-2.1386000000000003,39,0,12,0,1,12,11,12,0.181,0.438,0.381,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524080139731259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909338894427816,0.4560661158071077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073042585751085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075680969257556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,APossessedKeyboard,2018/01/04,"I don't know if this is the right place, but I happened upon a post and they might need help. u/I-TwoSoulsOneMind-I

https://www.reddit.com/u/I-TwoSoulsOneMind-I?utm_source=reddit-android

They just made some freak out post over not getting estrogen and said they are very close to suicide.

This was thebonly place I could think of on Reddit to try and get help for the person aside from 911 and telling them a username and good luck. lol

So...anyone with more experience than me with this, please reach out to this unstable kid. He seems like he's one freak out away from snapping. Like if I tried to talk to him, he'd start screaming that I don't understand and waving a knife around.

Please, be careful and try and get the kid help. Read his latest post and you probably should absolutely not refer to him as a he.

Thank you.",4.991417004048586,7.3543698421052675,4.030526315789476,86.99099190283405,70.97368421052632,7.045344129554657,22.87651821862348,7.882392219407189,0.9010722672064779,664,17,129,9,13,194,99,152,0.12,0.65,0.23,0.9504,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,2,4,0,2,9,0,0,7,1,10,1,0,1,0,34,24,13,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,3,5,16,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,2,16,6,22,16,2,17,0,0,0,0,22,12,0,6,4,77,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870923325988863,0.0,0.0,0.12567108577766992,0.0,0.0,0.1326337100537224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439320585625641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271262874064103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809119016722224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126624173115586,0.0,0.0,0.11840656255840268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483602173539847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28386950052010684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758325118668391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793690440055312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357831428691747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975888948846994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467564629870042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956603358957966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326405757698228,0.2949848689854656,0.30992417976223824,0.0,0.0,0.4056050462600628,0.0,0.15220496229565586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120804080346935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055827051837445,0.13428484373425473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851571876569556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992073810369544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441689024304006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346696855916855,0.12338866093456613,0.1299702202857954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045593215618764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875351606009436,0.0,0.0,0.14696278022995618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647990104977556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ATerribleLife,2018/01/04,"When I was in 3rd grade I thought I should kill myself Because life wouldn't get better. I had no friends. Now I am all grown up, and life is much worse.  I want to say I give up but I already have. I've been through so much and I'm tired.  I hate who I am, I've tried so hard to fit in, and be average. I fail miserably at even that. Being bipolar with a learning disability that basically makes me autistic. Rationally there should be a day where I give up. ",0.11960637300843402,2.2417457216494827,2.203730084348642,94.9690815370197,86.62886597938144,5.589128397375821,22.220243673851925,6.980632752743323,0.5033175257731961,353,13,84,5,11,118,67,97,0.277,0.6559999999999999,0.067,-0.97,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,2,1,2,0,13,4,0,1,1,13,21,7,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,2,14,2,10,11,3,12,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,57,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479387187480811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696215304500028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871020114566693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448992831763913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483982738654415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358633671814927,0.0,0.11738543568542588,0.431064887884495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126813504448104,0.22182386755989555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485738794167036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317394659196576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997488960414024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303296409442985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867365444321515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836992497795992,0.0,0.2582353081234686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254220362738724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252141806479226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228966962190698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tekhies,2018/01/04,Getting Professional Help Who are the people that I can talk about my thoughts about suicide in the local area? So far I was thinking of talking to a priest in the nearby church 2 blocks from my home but I am afraid that things will go out of hand and my family will get involved. Im not really confident about my countries’ local suicide hotline because they might call the local authorities and create a scene which I dont want my family get involved in any of this. I just want to talk to someone who can look me straight in the eye what i should do and keep the discussion confidential.,9.442434782608695,7.0968753304347825,8.873913043478264,72.40652173913045,60.91304347826087,11.982608695652175,38.65217391304348,10.355215969177356,3.787643478260869,473,18,90,8,5,151,75,115,0.138,0.77,0.091,-0.6940000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,8,0,11,2,2,0,0,15,21,5,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,13,0,15,15,0,12,2,0,2,0,11,11,0,1,0,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434225813331105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146185921314136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670727262766112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142953705559528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447438350164375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865900969388965,0.0,0.10391618724665448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255851749088917,0.0,0.1834104907970952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750618124567115,0.0,0.0,0.1625228515654291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354546343492012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397181567403435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676311580411453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713649668244105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492570467895722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000099716749919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408965768702168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147544947667052,0.11716100098467848,0.0,0.14516012652940488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156958446500258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ripplen00b,2018/01/04,"Exhausted Chronically ill, fiancé lost job, soon-to-be MIL moved in with us because she's homeless (she's actually very lovely).  

My health is terrible. I am a student at an Ivy League but I am too sick to be at school with my disability so I had to take a leave. My parents died, my nuclear family died shortly thereafter (accident). 

We are going to be homeless soon more than likely. My health is getting worse and I can't afford to take care of my family. 

My life insurance actually covers suicide (it's a very old policy; covers suicide after two years into the policy). The money would buy my fiancé a decent house and, if the remainder were split between funds for liquidity / modest investments / an annuity, it would ensure that they never had to worry about money or a place to live ever again. 

Today was the last straw.

I was walking to the bank, daylight, busy streets... and got robbed. All my rent money stolen. Literally all the liquid cash I had left. 

We will be homeless now. And my health is so bad I won't survive it anyhow. 

I already know how I am going to do it. Not even scared or afraid. Just wish today hadn't happened but maybe it's a good thing, because it made me realize that I need to save my family, even if it means sacrificing myself. 

I won't be talked out of it. I'm fine with it. ",2.8869954322449662,4.933438342412451,4.791950600575198,80.60865335814586,76.08171206225681,7.738047707663679,24.792590086279816,8.587818076936951,1.8850681441380472,1022,35,193,21,23,349,152,257,0.175,0.728,0.097,-0.9758,4,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,3,0,1,2,12,12,0,2,14,0,25,9,0,2,4,34,41,13,4,6,8,1,0,1,0,5,8,0,1,0,12,11,0,0,3,0,9,4,6,6,0,1,10,0,30,6,24,22,3,24,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,5,12,132,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.21877921954391288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370081822322827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359554945989328,0.13666546703821486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428943037537408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267607892447176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807681505139586,0.10139732730778032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31702264043729433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856557828118447,0.0,0.12741357773099332,0.09402087848013099,0.08965348005700767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991261985478014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574586923491381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934383280623504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123806853409583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061605077238170686,0.0913732712640509,0.0,0.118693569558388,0.12179272530609625,0.0,0.07917678053783805,0.05476448537289927,0.0,0.09898289753465198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236611948914315,0.0,0.10117109403736536,0.10606802683724864,0.0,0.0,0.11261558501254902,0.12210549962573658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914039926457234,0.0,0.08311782732164852,0.08645541194136347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762598554823428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446943770130475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711655131733086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222773729423917,0.1134472234431222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452298480611588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856461211560733,0.0900985877125555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447165852787484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125079647411761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109501587714302,0.0,0.13483778929631512,0.0,0.0,0.1849820210189264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289049666607379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383901649281905,0.11423548815646818,0.15925968644210506,0.0,0.0,0.07218620409736881
suicidewatch,Qaza1234567,2018/01/04,"So long reddit I just woke up from this nightmare of a  heartbreak and survived. Its been a crazy few months with drugs and alcohol fueled weeks and sleepless nights but it's done now.the holidays fucked me up even more thinking about the experiences that was planed out with her. But after Christmas and new years eve, I woke up from this nightmare called heartbreak and moved on. I still think about her but I don't tear up anymore I think I'm past the fact that I got dumped. It doesn't hurt me anymore thinking about it. Being online on this thread helped me so much listening to everyone's heart break to distract my own and to be able to hear people's valuable comments and posts . So I guess thanks and since I will no longer need to vent and grief on reddit anymore .I'm GONNA BE OKAY. Thank you. Now I needa go find a new job since I got fired to a job I sorta liked :( bc I became a shut in. BYE GONNA LOGOUT AND LIVE LIFE

FROM, P 
I wish u all the best",1.8472680412371147,4.153120273195878,2.2435154639175288,96.25444845360829,80.8041237113402,4.910927835051546,20.524742268041237,5.985473137389443,-0.0979538144329899,759,21,163,5,20,231,122,194,0.166,0.6679999999999999,0.166,-0.0106,2,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,10,13,2,1,8,1,9,5,1,0,2,28,30,16,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,9,13,1,0,5,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,7,3,20,6,25,17,6,26,0,4,0,1,9,10,1,2,14,98,29,2,0.1295063031350593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840285266962407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853063599847065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590887523628498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322404151736261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252991173522966,0.0,0.0,0.150186196106613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553769181767244,0.0,0.0,0.12374882251624453,0.0,0.12668201477732324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836641486094225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197264904115956,0.0,0.0,0.07360141654558111,0.0,0.20715604248609548,0.0,0.14266579357298448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459630158646297,0.15346559276358346,0.08680534511572192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386391760191519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25703004542230456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914741318606884,0.06327023809574206,0.0,0.11435643833372007,0.114609002948833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337069560020196,0.13764470490252315,0.09520203399049064,0.09602728280623787,0.0,0.2501559891453891,0.0,0.1215328924946818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362842028606093,0.08978336422956802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403123955470248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142579044690621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342390097376997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23846400841239546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319296392544725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388214467516137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892585727436744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833978131880428
suicidewatch,bad_luckk,2018/01/04,"My dad told me to kill myself. It happened almost a year ago, I've been experiencing psychotic symptoms ever since.. please tell me what to do",2.7822222222222237,5.5199857407407436,4.527407407407409,78.63333333333334,80.48148148148148,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.5623925925925919,113,4,20,2,3,38,25,27,0.157,0.767,0.077,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28500151052856953,0.0,0.3219484147402624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29082654301973204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843125199822957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557060428511941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529242734858075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26595853542397496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341746841683343,0.0,0.0,0.2810161733758614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30721905619695977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704356563196832
suicidewatch,Billybeanist,2018/01/04,"I try I try to be a kind person. I’ve volunteered in the community, I’m studying to become a nurse. My life is better than it used to be. 

However, I’m still traumatized and haunted by my past. I try to not think about it and work through it. But then other people can be so cruel. 

Some days I try, some days I can barely move.",0.3914285714285733,2.2399358571428607,3.1442857142857146,90.33071428571432,83.28571428571428,6.2857142857142865,20.0,7.447530270364453,0.5370000000000004,250,7,57,4,7,88,46,70,0.14800000000000002,0.764,0.08800000000000001,-0.6559999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,9,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586503403933024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712673626266628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020732246063679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438783955503053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654190864071338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489125709160193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356594068389396,0.16236155275059536,0.20449032739864226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702869175952566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006291002724778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360130199152534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022695699206076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049698830699295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wearewet,2018/01/04,"I feel stuck My girlfriend died by suicide 9 weeks ago.  I struggle every day, attempting to make sense of it all, including why I'm sticking around.  I feel horrible for saying it, but I'm really frustrated because I'm only staying alive because I have children and I don't want to be anymore.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids unconditionally, but I don't love life anymore.  Everything is a labor, I just feel exhusted by the idea of living...and yet, I'm guilted into suffering thru for them.  While I accept that's my responsibility, my mind continues pull at me to just end it.  Why do other people get to be douche bags and kill themselves, leaving behind children, yet I'm not allowed to.  I'm perpetually told, ""you just have to be strong.""  Which I hate hearing...and I ruminate on the idea that this life doesn't matter, so even if I did, it really wouldn't matter.  I mean, what does it matter some guy 300 years ago killed himself?  I understand others would feel the pain I do now and I don't want that, but what I do want is my girlfriend back at best (which isnt going to happen) or my pain to end (immediately).  How much pain is enough to justify it?  Part of me says, ""No amount, it's not an opition because of my children,"" but part of me says, ""It's my life and my choice!""  However, when i think about my girlfriend, while that's true, it still hurts and I still have trouble not internalizing that rejection.  I know I'm rambling, but I got tired of doing it all alone in my head tonight...so please offer some advice or prospective and help me find a way out of this trap.  I know there is no way I can continue to endure this struggle.  I need some sort of resolution...and therapy, groups, friends, work, personal interests, and anything in-between, I'm already actively doing, yet it's all a labor.  Nothing provides releif.  ",4.792249999999999,5.599118391666668,5.895000000000002,79.51500000000001,69.25,8.777777777777779,30.833333333333336,8.959647251330699,2.4779166666666663,1431,57,281,25,24,477,181,360,0.217,0.6559999999999999,0.126,-0.9849,2,1,0,0,0,2,71.0,0,1,1,4,17,23,4,3,7,0,25,10,1,3,4,58,57,20,4,7,14,0,4,0,4,2,7,3,0,6,25,10,0,0,13,0,0,2,12,15,0,0,4,7,43,8,32,48,12,31,0,3,0,2,22,7,0,7,19,180,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912532939503303,0.16555771024302035,0.0,0.0,0.09671716264980797,0.10305103530388224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522271582226,0.0,0.0,0.07684667931500072,0.08313113033272941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180616186186342,0.0,0.17077717921592608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800024184630346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602246443053102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691734932725037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172054674487891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542016020848754,0.09649013807680702,0.0,0.06167893355406458,0.0,0.07867964232440579,0.0,0.08392708543980805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888700521937949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535084454701802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214787510291606,0.0,0.097578068791033,0.0,0.0530720058506654,0.0,0.07468733086145214,0.0,0.0,0.0924643655092258,0.08257873741510112,0.0,0.0,0.09219689172623592,0.09583843160182708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259300432074652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996898845368232,0.21083725245627974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066300556261299,0.0,0.10264227966403246,0.0,0.0,0.09887966306603167,0.0,0.0,0.19787862336678605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856454360007128,0.0,0.06233422404265655,0.0,0.0,0.10172202846728733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429073350369774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686476312831497,0.06924269605273152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960400501235395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102237419382622,0.29809994461253025,0.0,0.0,0.20225050175869924,0.0,0.06474037396730155,0.08153888678818072,0.0,0.1025070612768465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964774693861956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278696725793967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953440614190953,0.14915239774439099,0.0,0.0,0.1952494595115581,0.0,0.10214641298698694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679219238847368,0.0,0.0,0.059836388290206974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733061777728664,0.0,0.08923195423185629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721553658707696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524005690363114,0.1482469814154877,0.07490662610502212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685282019736338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798431399734743,0.0,0.0,0.06633697256720647,0.1021002183955509,0.0,0.06013592451318441
suicidewatch,BlueAgaveEspecial,2018/01/04,"Thank you So three years ago today. I posted here and I want to say thank you. Thank you so much for listening, and thank you for your words. Life is really beautiful. Thank you.",-0.3591428571428565,1.4651525142857125,0.8571428571428577,97.82285714285715,109.57142857142857,5.428571428571429,10.714285714285717,6.868970318607317,-0.4421428571428567,138,2,30,3,7,43,23,35,0.0,0.591,0.409,0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,6,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,5,3,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717544642527379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685675685150586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243416529438185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556626718885208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241261107339827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540838585236589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8919300504221545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183659594782923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428328085682975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477357269490885
suicidewatch,HeyGuysItsJeni,2018/01/04,"Hospitalization?? So I'm 15 and very suicidal to where I have a plan, self harm, and stopped taking my antidepressants, and I want to get hospitalized but I have school and I know it will cost too much money. Any suggestions?",2.731428571428569,5.5962692857142855,3.9812380952380977,81.48042857142859,82.33333333333334,8.121904761904762,22.685714285714287,8.841846274778883,1.960908571428572,178,6,35,5,5,58,33,42,0.177,0.794,0.029,-0.7172,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,8,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25378915219196746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949818691854987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510124656405265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743453242840868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776988519543313,0.0,0.0,0.3893295359044229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120123467635233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082207975943642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806003467687859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30792951493462145,0.22012333685612587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamdonerightnow,2018/01/04,"... I really don’t know if people are actually going to read this, but I want to die. I love a very well life, don’t get me wrong. But I am constantly faced with depression almost every single day. I attempted to fly to heaven once and failed and tried receiving help from others but I’m back to a state of where I want get off this planet. I have begun to paint red roses on my thighs. It doesn’t hurt. It brings pleasure to me. I have been struggling to not over do the cuts so my family doesn’t notice but I’m scared they will. My dad struggles to understand my emotions and whenever I have a panic attack he forces me to continue with life, yell at me, or leave me to myself which I think is the best option. My mother makes me feel guilty for the choices I make so I don’t feel like I can tell her anything anymore. She doesn’t deal with my panic attack. She gets agitated and when my anxiety kicked in for awhile it had caused me to throw up almost everything I ate. She accused me of being Bulimic (which I’m not). Because of that incident they tried to convince me that I needed to quick a lot of things I love doing. I’m struggling with so much more and I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to friends and I can’t to family. Only reason I’m still here is because my cat started crying when I attempted suicide. I’m done and really don’t know what to do. 😁 smiling is all I know how to do to anymore to convince people I’m alright
Sorry it’s so long. ",1.2072529858849066,3.1802104690553747,3.3912280130293166,88.97585396308365,81.1172638436482,6.438610206297502,20.982519001085773,7.554174236665415,0.765752747014115,1142,33,244,18,30,390,159,307,0.229,0.619,0.152,-0.9835,0,0,0,1,0,2,28.0,0,0,2,4,13,24,3,6,7,1,29,7,2,5,1,40,58,20,2,4,8,2,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,14,11,1,0,9,1,0,4,12,13,1,0,4,4,45,11,38,52,6,23,1,3,1,2,17,7,0,6,12,167,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.10130762799821648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790973617555533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794175350867087,0.0,0.20591146792152085,0.0,0.0,0.08543019398241918,0.0,0.0,0.2362071490521523,0.0,0.0798266677450892,0.0,0.12656827576012994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894653804018596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664572157267098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218620771197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403496112419582,0.06695153377330809,0.10702782275838756,0.08941496906936054,0.0,0.10774269008228524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623791158025746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677693764325885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874678927724241,0.0,0.0933014575699731,0.0,0.19573346921087784,0.0,0.10498309972670404,0.07416484435611027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020654920164279,0.0,0.1627158145196631,0.0,0.0589999697485092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958443160757319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113518699769236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821415162396805,0.0,0.0,0.10992418764148723,0.0,0.0,0.14665399841073526,0.050718346314951125,0.0,0.0,0.09187224953340824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825907177580676,0.1873926340952643,0.0,0.13859349289197526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763153399630149,0.07697687145859322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181930896481162,0.0,0.1105586739500509,0.0,0.07895533364037176,0.0,0.243607057127656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439433103895045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384223637684288,0.0,0.1330119963756247,0.10673822901478096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393606746187596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621143347044202,0.07348018459907436,0.0,0.08290610853863506,0.0,0.0,0.3255872475503091,0.0,0.1135558225010144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344187556913893,0.09073813659678316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896950354133452,0.06651991087195737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096597683759787,0.0,0.0,0.10807418385244087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565754010280756,0.1224645423048888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334138195044166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350446812965445,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nim1901,2018/01/04,they will never stop cannot see through this tonight. Every stupid little thing is making the flashbacks start. I'll never be able to talk about it to work through it. it just gets worse and I'll never understand. I'm so goddamn tired.,1.755289855072462,4.498503804347828,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,87.04347826086956,3.936231884057971,20.71014492753623,5.46131890053228,-0.11095942028985516,189,6,37,1,6,56,37,46,0.26,0.7040000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.915,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,3,8,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,22,6,1,0.2525203699028643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275930275741173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193147088033444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253091750124149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685593077629698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5842778299682808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122604089007806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873521753245838,0.0,0.0,0.2111183363524657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296630802631707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677633131411781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902350179562821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26288261067803925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383783679237545,0.0,0.2573398303497646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WiseDogGuy,2018/01/04,"im not dead... ...because of my dog, no joke. idk if anyone else feels the same in a way, but the only reason i havent ended my shitty life is because my dog is only a year old and i don't wanna leave him :(",-1.4976595744680845,0.06730136170213008,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,88.57446808510639,3.76,13.655319148936169,3.1291,-1.3952348936170216,152,2,38,0,5,56,37,47,0.138,0.7240000000000001,0.139,0.015,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,5,3,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343432711750333,0.2834521403783694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372764570486294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310986642510958,0.0,0.24502245769468284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398783688612103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988205361277995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929236440096028,0.0,0.0,0.19540023239997928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290288955376477,0.0,0.0,0.4207969972789287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28443376902738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219585325551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814820154195865
suicidewatch,throfosho888,2018/01/04,"My life is too embarrassing and I want to end it When I was young, I was overweight and teased.
I did average/poorly at school.
I was made fun of and always thought I would do better in life at some point
I had no plans
I got irritable bowel that eventually got better
I got a impractical degree that led to a menial job
I lost weight
When I got a promotion, I couldn't cope and lost that job
I am overweight, I have a small penis (5 inches erect) and I have tried multiple antidepressants that just shut me down and give me further ED.
I gained weight back again
went bald
I have a bad reference
Little money to my name at 32 years old
friends have houses, families
I am going to have roommates until I die, or have to go back home to my parents
I have nothing to offer a woman, I am poor, fat, suffer from mental illness and ED, have a small penis, have had one night stands but never a relationship
I will never own a house, in the city I live in, they cost $1,000,000
I have no valuable skills
Its too late
I am too humiliated
I don't want to stick around to watch the winners while I keep being the prototypical loser
I wish I contracted a fatal illness so I didn't have to try anymore
I'm embarrassed about that wish
I have been to the emergency room twice for negative thoughts
I struggle to concentrate sometimes
the drugs dont work
I am an embarassment
I dont feel like a real person",2.3821194762684144,4.427730294326242,4.0804255319148925,85.12615384615388,77.61702127659575,7.033496999454447,23.61211129296236,8.012643519586192,1.3004981996726683,1101,36,224,19,26,369,160,282,0.214,0.687,0.098,-0.9833,4,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,10,12,16,1,3,17,0,34,12,3,2,2,29,54,14,2,6,3,1,3,1,1,2,8,0,2,2,7,8,5,1,4,0,3,4,10,10,0,2,18,4,40,6,25,32,2,36,0,4,1,0,10,16,0,2,16,152,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842536949633835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539154230091637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460306204982134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343054061669335,0.08873122823172991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797481810990535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029175202373367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24909590664279785,0.0,0.12323976308575918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412390772180863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018214336612642,0.0,0.05373343654635693,0.07591949501498306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210413930143218,0.0,0.0,0.10194411689294093,0.12079167557336246,0.0,0.3399761397465175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659773557957956,0.0,0.0,0.24524322396365025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091367066305214,0.09445788995776053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987748214542188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501236549194464,0.05191828114325277,0.10651071877118884,0.09383858658737504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201308478615074,0.0,0.0,0.10055548956863716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709542710054423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392435181171905,0.0,0.0,0.09972744011399946,0.0,0.10196918064470048,0.0,0.1115127613427276,0.0,0.07201147850721297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800054755041715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279109204243097,0.0,0.0,0.10045974533282064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095882145999687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140944887613024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755117667107944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510400451498612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109674955360103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873343195617116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430106162452308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536190549238566,0.0,0.0,0.2588170947372929,0.0,0.09851359574442206,0.0,0.0,0.2444111089251895,0.0,0.0,0.07736601499057752,0.0,0.0,0.07549134369825769,0.0,0.0,0.06843456326617918
suicidewatch,snowcrestCS,2018/01/04,"Best method? So I’ve decided I want to do it. What is the least painful method? 

I just can’t do this anymore. ",-1.9450000000000005,-0.15253883333333107,0.025000000000000355,105.57,104.0,4.066666666666666,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.4418000000000002,84,3,22,1,4,27,20,24,0.0,0.6659999999999999,0.334,0.8191,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252483723693013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5558116054292582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563561224176418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123881450988939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dove101,2018/01/04,"I can’t stop thinking about killing myself I’m a 17 year old male in my senior year. I don’t really have a bad life in comparison to the others I read about here and that’s the most upsetting thing to me. My parents are nice and we are fine financially. I have friends but I feel like they are distancing themselves from me as I know they plan stuff without me. Overall it’s not a horrible life. Despite this I just am constantly thinking that i should kill myself life would be better for everyone around me as sometimes i feel like a burden to hang around. But I feel like when I think this I come across and feel like a brat only looking for attention, even though I can’t shake the thoughts. I keep trying to get over it but I can’t. Sorry for ranting but this has been on my mind for years and has only been escalating. I might do something soon but at the same time I’m scared. I just needed to get this off my chest",2.9996491228070177,4.454364578947375,3.9447368421052635,89.3414912280702,74.26315789473685,7.171929824561403,24.771929824561404,7.793537801064563,1.112077192982456,730,23,158,10,15,235,108,190,0.13699999999999998,0.73,0.133,-0.1682,1,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,2,2,11,15,2,3,9,0,19,4,1,0,0,36,36,13,2,3,9,1,4,4,1,3,3,0,0,1,11,8,0,2,10,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,3,5,30,8,24,29,2,22,0,0,1,0,6,9,0,2,14,112,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224056009130746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507463739599074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112989544159866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084036217900837,0.0,0.13599285628941504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311889688166131,0.0,0.0,0.12024951105624332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25452240315681496,0.359612441705544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972269046392271,0.0,0.13149678456493108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185609321874458,0.2784558891762555,0.0,0.06916067259508525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666240712952666,0.2459244473029665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056774201649876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335007925769078,0.12706675202352924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331186811085736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205230217835245,0.0,0.0,0.19142034587004905,0.0,0.0,0.13973507403738009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587823954815636,0.0,0.08061900690287523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259919822044296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688100128369108,0.12446311612453866,0.14087226133632394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521137302496687,0.0,0.0,0.1440614830944108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360528423894369,0.2419076158493507,0.12364127215314424,0.09990622542197457,0.07338075589182512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543994052722509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130930292877125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939609789819193,0.0,0.0,0.2431185862242597
suicidewatch,GR_Claude,2018/01/04,NUMB I've done it again. A deeper cut on the top of my hand made a lot of blood flow out of it. My alternative to keep myself alive due to my promise to someone. But I thought it will hurt more than before. Shit. I was wrong. It didn't hurt the way it should. Maybe I'll do it deeper again next time.,-0.8913636363636357,1.1032488787878805,1.0365909090909078,102.32488636363637,90.51515151515152,3.9060606060606062,14.31060606060606,5.148860815047168,-1.3395393939393934,230,4,59,1,8,75,47,66,0.244,0.629,0.127,-0.8778,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,4,0,6,4,3,1,0,7,9,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,5,1,6,1,9,2,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,5,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633666823235484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260172367437055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443311954585273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597722068525025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614291273376104,0.0,0.24056487041502445,0.0,0.0,0.25541489196197786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703835671466701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26097027317027993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541389299313574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201835505785648,0.14824743821321493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018012232223355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779678718144508,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RhythmicalBeats,2018/01/04,"Spent 3 weeks alone to try and end it. One more day left. My family left home to Europe, and I purposely stayed behind so that I could end it. Everyday has been a constant struggle to fight myself off of it and currently on the last day. Tomorrow they arrive back home and I'm pushing that I can fight myself until then.

I'm optimistic about the future, but I also see no future worth living for. ",2.8143761301989163,4.79922830379747,4.345605786618446,84.00784810126581,76.08860759493672,7.552260397830018,21.4122965641953,8.418075326091056,1.3114650994575041,312,8,60,6,7,104,57,79,0.123,0.825,0.052000000000000005,-0.5499,1,1,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,1,2,1,8,0,10,5,1,21,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,15,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095966511590863,0.0,0.1618370402551859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561179263837469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186925420350612,0.0,0.1615777994502917,0.0,0.0,0.2610267592184213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584835479452248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907785761551256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059917971790761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496041954302945,0.0,0.0,0.43975615157136216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869843203616298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713269525711405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126450698312933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570192539652688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156344816700146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739749494972295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233083716574062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NonnaturalMink,2018/01/04,"This is a throw away account because I'm ready to throw it all away. Fuck it. I'm making this post and hopefully someone will be able to convince me not to engage the trigger on my .45. I am a transgender MtF and have known such for decades. This is nearly irrelevant, though  as I could not under any circumstances transition and maintain even a modicum of social standing (I'd lose my career, many friends, and all family) and would be forced to move cross country on no money in order for something even resembling hope in that regard would manifest. 

Part of what is killing me (and making me want to expedite things) is people constantly pushing the idea that I have an insane amount of privilege being born white and male. I can't stand it anymore. It feels like my very existence on all fronts makes people want me dead, and this can be backed up by polls etc. I am a waste of life. My very existence is hated no matter what I choose to do or not do.

My family and the surrounding culture hates what would make me happiest, and at least 30% of all people hate me for existing. Again, this can all be backed up with data. I'm an atheist that will welcome the void. I understand that there are good things in life to be had, but I am begging here  - someone give me an imperical reason to exist.",5.565357142857142,6.190033670634925,5.958055555555558,80.39875,67.45238095238095,9.315873015873017,30.432539682539684,9.354420925462401,2.5783206349206345,1023,37,196,19,16,329,145,252,0.104,0.8009999999999999,0.095,-0.7469,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,10,15,5,0,11,0,29,3,0,6,5,41,47,14,2,8,5,0,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,18,11,0,0,6,0,2,6,6,6,0,0,1,2,20,9,32,34,9,29,0,1,1,1,6,14,1,3,6,144,38,1,0.11676921948688462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940707343823618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580368890571985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194170510311639,0.1795766441032964,0.0,0.07118143238649394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618604324011454,0.0,0.09323072016241084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022854627705507,0.15424993638869988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015925587566348,0.0,0.05904202589504615,0.08341995373302365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902156093169942,0.10795126182148967,0.0,0.11201567545838848,0.0,0.0979404812275045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458562883113574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23195636467148395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181823560244693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918784056304294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495510599933644,0.05704754240019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063488819623714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117774429413791,0.1183856609059914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241072007221792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264496856269256,0.0,0.2428592225289576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118326342748691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005820551856013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190315141723228,0.1978763614815953,0.08989464998891243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515256168494135,0.0,0.11472516527615426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156087557355115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269367027727385,0.13774702207904074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488485097527165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jbrown134,2018/01/04,"Living to die 18 year old college Freshman here. I've attempted suicide once in the past and it led to hospitalization. Nothing has really improved since then. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression and put on meds but they aren't filling the hole inside of me.
To put it bluntly I hate everything. I hate waking up in the morning. I hate eating. I hate being around other people. I hate every pleasure this life has to offer for the simple reason that soon it will be over, and I'll be back to my regular baseline of misery. That is the only consistent thing this life has ever offered me, misery. If I drop out now my life will consist of living off my mom and working minimum wage jobs that I hate. If I go to school (which I hate) and torture myself for four years I'll still end up working as a wage slave for money to spend on fleeting pleasures before I'm back to my miserable self. At this point the only thing keeping me alive is not wanting to hurt my loved ones, and fear of failing again/fear of immense pain/fear of death.
There is no joy for me in this pitiful life. If I finally get the courage to kill myself, I at least have a shot at something different. Nothing on the other side can be worse than living my current life. Even a lake of eternal fire would just be an accurate simulation of what living on this planet is like for me anyways.
And so I think I'm finally resolved. I'm done reaching out for help. Everyone is selfish and would rather see me here and miserable for their sake than gone and possibly happy for my own. There is no help for me, no god, no light.
Hopefully I can work up the courage soon. I was not meant for this life. My brain is a biological failure. There is nothing left for me here.",3.9980008944543854,5.4481669127907,4.937441860465119,83.22902504472273,71.73255813953489,7.617889087656528,28.92844364937388,8.139509932561175,1.979132289803219,1374,54,265,20,26,448,182,344,0.264,0.601,0.135,-0.9964,5,0,1,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,2,6,19,27,9,3,14,0,27,11,2,2,1,34,47,18,4,8,8,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,18,15,1,1,4,0,4,6,7,17,0,2,5,3,35,10,51,33,2,45,0,6,1,1,9,21,0,4,18,189,53,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932694551393996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976504712585725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662674999277535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693636787717164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707525371436927,0.07904340696682344,0.0808239196228089,0.08136477779690615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969509968518586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968750339311455,0.0,0.0,0.06897581199594227,0.0,0.0,0.051436953265834,0.07044410813671947,0.06561464104539952,0.07441470847773059,0.06999072978006413,0.0,0.0,0.2628994666295515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706206590921683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068746227409396,0.0,0.044259232891435914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290140057451884,0.0,0.5382111616398932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043984794319524,0.0,0.0,0.07734932648046088,0.0,0.0,0.08336882450500632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728079957127618,0.0692205606094942,0.08615924353848951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461347196742232,0.0,0.33004051516238336,0.03804671614223399,0.0,0.2750668926983373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028693633161992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650367188923108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120847570551624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417493717909528,0.0,0.08171869876310063,0.0829363492791837,0.05277139807820038,0.1184577725888931,0.08286650474234718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434230619804015,0.053990031900434166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361883579798878,0.08779449549218782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657557415197412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988993172401037,0.08007041624803514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881557323281307,0.06205780086168008,0.0,0.08124258358212436,0.0,0.0,0.06442057053925399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995343685168528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062192587243264284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518468086804311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034758943997516,0.049900368419661965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593380913514905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700859165549354,0.0,0.07936320704310823,0.1106430205945561,0.0,0.0,0.10030033142745698
suicidewatch,stuffed12,2018/01/04,"It is never going to get better. I've been kidding myself I might as well start planning my suicide. I'm in so much pain that people can't see. I'm just at breaking point. This is probably the lowest I have ever been or at least top 3. I've been here before though and I couldn't go through with it. So many things to consider. For example, I don't want to end up alive but even more sicker/disabled than I was to begin with.  ",0.3554945054945087,2.4642243846153846,2.4820769230769244,93.47542307692308,85.37362637362638,4.958681318681318,18.99010989010989,6.2581,-0.0560074725274724,333,9,73,3,10,112,69,91,0.094,0.813,0.093,-0.2617,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,2,11,20,7,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,4,1,7,2,14,14,3,14,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,5,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066046003826338,0.0,0.0,0.21473654005544432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504840365225533,0.0,0.0,0.1603668643901428,0.21962616405877985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685278444014547,0.0,0.2759772478136714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461607138742312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575720359912656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848566345654535,0.0,0.1872620412288355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25835592282889164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832669072465187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229524128226665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617790647378178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347986813491866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185482637476662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26558338504774903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130528415138476,0.0,0.2385494017399876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320951131046186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830602462688967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idunnostopaskinme,2018/01/04,"i dont know how i made it this far. but im not going any further. I have lived a life of pain. 

being forced to do things i didnt want to, being made into something i didnt want to be, and being fucked over more times than i can count. 

i have lived for thousands of days on this earth, and i only seem to sink deeper into this pit that doesnt want to let go of me. like a quicksand thats become apart of my soul. never leaving me, never letting go, becoming more and more apart of me by the second. 

i have lived with toxic people all my life, and this is how i know how to function. chaos is how i thrive. 

as a result, i am toxic to others now. and i dont know how to fix myself. 
there is so much wrong with me, i dont know what to do. 

i now know there's nothing i can do. i have no friends, family that cares, or a single damn thing to lose. 

im done. i wont go any further. 

it's time to clock out. ",0.3899388468258565,1.5318433811881214,2.713424577751894,96.7724315666861,80.53465346534655,5.1489807804309855,17.327897495631913,5.0885558068054335,-0.7747557367501456,681,11,172,2,17,234,103,202,0.187,0.757,0.056,-0.9791,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,2,0,5,0,27,4,0,8,3,33,44,14,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,13,10,0,0,6,0,0,4,11,5,0,2,5,0,25,3,27,32,6,22,1,1,0,1,1,10,2,2,9,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640907902569964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540188656890809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725105791557383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416605150497171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768582402787707,0.4043405120428837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841259147171499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884939184913261,0.10631645714971726,0.0,0.0,0.26143059306009364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484413615634868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160073707350695,0.0,0.0,0.12176932331176812,0.0,0.23519237537190035,0.16245703998908115,0.05618361929956719,0.0,0.3046436423744964,0.0,0.0,0.12865656462765462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763321974460706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453887633822801,0.0,0.1773915309466065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034644251459737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746334865443517,0.12236904067422735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972712774804462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469247876079096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853329310165124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152802944566992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411587170466865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034914894452699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257354052238978,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Delusional_highs,2018/01/04,"My suicide attempt I am only writng here so I can share my story with all of you, and to hopefully help me find solutions to my problems if any one of you have felt or feel the same.

I am a 19 year old male, a student and living at my parrents. I have a pretty bad lack of social skills and don’t have any people (family or friends) properly close to me, asking me how I’m feeling.

I am doing terribly bad at school. I simply don’t have enough excess to make my essays and homework properly. Besides, I have such little excess that I don’t eat enough and healthy enough. The rest of my family have all seen big succes with their lives, but I know that if would keep going like this, I would dissapoint everyone, espesially my dad. I have therefore always lied about how school is going for me.

So as shitty as my life goes, I decided to do it. I had found some thick and sturdy electrical wires in our garage, aswell as a fold-up chair. I sneaked out in the middle of the night with the items, found a tree and set my hanging up.

It took roughly 3 hours for me to set it up, as the cable was insanely hard to fold in the right way. I was finally ready, flipped the chair, jumped, and the branch broke...

I did it again, leaped, and my panic made my toes just barely reach the ground, making me jump and breathe...

I tried one last time, used my shoe as a wiper on the dirt, and made sure i wouldn’t be able to reach the ground. I jumped, and the panic in me somehow made me able to reach the wire with my hands, and pull me up.

So I set it up again, thinking to myself “last try”. But I just couldn’t make myself do it. I stood for half an hour, contemplsting like I’ve never done before, and deciding I was too weak for the pain the hanging would give me.

So here I am, laying in my bed. The year’s first school day starts in a couple of hours. No one knows anything about my attempt, and all I’m doing is searching about it all. Stories of people who made it through their suicidal thoughts, aswell as sites that state other methods of comitting it, while my adrenaline is keeping me awoke.",5.38797955974843,4.976045172169815,5.743867924528308,85.34814465408806,67.79716981132076,8.764779874213838,28.044025157232703,8.07648339933343,1.5469798742138372,1619,44,350,18,24,519,211,424,0.131,0.812,0.057,-0.9871,1,1,1,0,0,1,58.0,1,2,2,4,18,15,0,2,25,0,34,8,4,11,6,71,64,34,2,10,8,1,7,2,1,4,3,0,2,1,15,21,1,2,12,0,0,9,7,9,0,5,17,8,58,6,50,41,12,55,0,1,1,0,14,23,0,7,20,238,73,5,0.174981013140299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279911018471624,0.0,0.0,0.11899308929001902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199723223294928,0.0,0.08179181329285022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610183701034796,0.0,0.0,0.0744479771109017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680658142383974,0.0,0.05642413882872596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953316427633763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952463025017293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712032429207049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360092835106778,0.0,0.0,0.1649565262773074,0.0,0.08847565783490857,0.0,0.08400460665093967,0.09584157344542307,0.07996473798094851,0.07441938019402315,0.0,0.1918576492120327,0.06759494834651228,0.0,0.0,0.08392886612342758,0.09944574220666214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837430900002464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058643042333243627,0.0,0.0,0.08689781406630817,0.2584815760533737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553116437100234,0.0,0.0,0.0961649886730776,0.14263288011406156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179713219216833,0.08548688438797522,0.08768847216406807,0.15451144040365555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311425309944985,0.17520177753147684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747807228554294,0.0,0.0,0.08210391364663026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180656915804414,0.0,0.17785749457212074,0.06654047271981699,0.09309606753000424,0.20530251715470266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130980234722845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900929858671999,0.0,0.08371659893662807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471641457090139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563519063263896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918555350897205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061926230861517814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140082780782616,0.0,0.08245876703475108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056060383898332115,0.0,0.06945768943228044,0.05101641796107042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720517199265938,0.1188006218668975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556370683895737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944589176751262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864522369265074,0.0,0.0,0.1126820354844842
suicidewatch,bigerikinpa,2018/01/04,"Wife did the opposite of what I wanted I have a D.N.R. in my will. Had a heart attack Oct 1st, coded on the table, and she allowed them to bring me back. I don't want to kill myself per se, but it would be nicer for me not to be here. What can/should I do?",1.4929310344827584,1.7244050172413845,3.4925862068965543,95.84853448275864,76.41379310344827,6.4896551724137925,17.948275862068964,5.985473137389443,-0.5450827586206897,193,2,51,1,4,66,47,58,0.057,0.831,0.112,0.6197,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,4,0,9,1,1,1,0,7,12,2,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,7,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493440020803918,0.0,0.3037133677050599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680503173930333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369841559281693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659360038257976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805807303905606,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greasies666,2018/01/04,"Before graduation I'm a junior in high school. I'm going to kill myself before I graduate. I have nothing to live for. I have a severe stutter and I'm very shy so I don't have any friends. My boyfriend just dumped me because of it. My grades aren't good enough for university and not getting a degree will upset my parents. I have depression and I'm constantly sad. I feel selfish stating my reasons because so many other people have more serious reasons. I just feel like my life won't get any better. I'm a burden on everyone. I'm just so annoying, I don't understand how others can be around me. I don't feel like I'll achieve anything in life or be happy. ",1.673206349206346,3.9534182518518537,3.904047619047617,84.24750000000003,81.2962962962963,6.523809523809526,26.67989417989418,7.7094869923839395,1.790544973544974,524,23,101,9,14,180,79,135,0.295,0.644,0.061,-0.9841,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,8,16,3,1,4,0,14,2,0,3,0,16,27,8,1,0,5,1,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,0,3,17,6,9,23,2,8,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,61,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893445206859852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246714312087826,0.1433001847021442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625541179422173,0.0,0.2739524988155424,0.0,0.0,0.14236762304964035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395473123038074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864589266059013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632824013097794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381669263462372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441785037904627,0.22999842547191915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436741551250904,0.0,0.1682035986358814,0.0,0.09148472071141066,0.13501659653504824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135885515115126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007691512804238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809288179846267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227400118051023,0.15728664836087136,0.0,0.14214219390781752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320145473810987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445802814095572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874157445372946,0.0,0.0,0.11159847712966377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310143077113888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291336821404429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818537805585459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757867110777674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328196635783837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dilldillbill,2018/01/04,"Everytime I take 1 step up, I fall down 3. Everytime I feel like anything is going anywhere, it turns to shit.",-0.4822727272727256,1.5372966818181837,2.109545454545458,89.7343181818182,104.9090909090909,5.836363636363638,23.681818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.6350545454545466,85,4,17,2,4,29,19,22,0.163,0.7240000000000001,0.113,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753339679340002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23061941890558998,0.3258401276615964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592138882214305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282892361638434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681832517479537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429327494066216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961091719211208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImNotFuckingTrans,2018/01/04,I had an OCD therapist tell me I'm probably not trans I feel better but I'm afraid they're wrong.,-1.9809090909090905,-0.33356499999999656,1.036818181818184,97.42522727272728,108.0909090909091,5.836363636363638,14.590909090909092,7.1686216300943375,0.15869090909090966,78,2,19,2,4,27,18,22,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.7053,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37685169562332094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544946155844347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594089315198155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724310431580964,0.0,0.0,0.4947360867860066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465874538028928,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mouka,2018/01/04,"Someone on DeviantArt seeking help... https://jasongreen.deviantart.com/journal/Final-night-suicide-story-final-723689035

He’s sent this message to a few friends and posted it publicly on his page. Most of his replies to other’s responses seem very off and suggest something beyond depression. I don’t know what to say to help him, and I was hoping most of you having more experience helping others here could perhaps message him and give him some help?",9.97190476190476,13.582334571428573,6.997142857142857,65.6761904761905,60.42857142857143,6.9523809523809526,34.52380952380953,7.793537801064563,2.8102380952380948,380,16,50,4,6,107,53,70,0.049,0.768,0.183,0.8434,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,8,2,10,6,6,6,0,1,0,0,19,4,0,5,0,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876941436063564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206094392286493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676981411295867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631120499273927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331135836013574,0.0,0.0,0.2027745780938993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5667331737702033,0.0,0.0,0.2099476425508289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161687027733168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836543990800048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244323073014805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809754593571147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243205339600025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791012532397385,0.16273034688945767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441031146731828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anexistentialpeanut,2018/01/04,"Need some kind thoughts Hello. I'm here because I need help and some comforting words. I have a friend who recently moved to a new state. He's been struggling and he feels like he is worthless. He's been struggling with depression all of the 3 years I've known him. I'm always there to comfort him and help him see that the world is a gift and he has many opportunities, or I try my best to anyway. I just offered to bring him to my (college) town and help him get back on his feet. Stay at my place, socialize, have fun together. He said he would rather go home and shoot himself. I feel broken.",2.2093388429752068,4.154158694214882,3.0355371900826467,92.89148760330579,77.7603305785124,6.383471074380165,23.396694214876035,7.348242739294969,0.7480016528925622,466,15,103,6,11,147,80,121,0.125,0.626,0.249,0.9493,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,2,5,0,8,1,1,0,1,21,20,7,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,4,4,15,8,9,15,4,14,0,2,1,0,23,5,0,3,5,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178957126153858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140271122600605,0.0,0.11120265086844087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914404499903045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571196498983156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844759109797862,0.13032218767481646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093864887811522,0.0,0.09530787397360316,0.0,0.10367452661875948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366820510469815,0.0,0.18298396346249093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996425810206424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891220888333036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494709752506328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938855295469811,0.0,0.270526942406251,0.0,0.17618413457731766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059197980738266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011954388777546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352492901388544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536657567286618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859560768737525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443739262612475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814137974055044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482255171789696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385244416467055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958722999048922,0.0,0.0,0.11747367386544108
suicidewatch,CashedScission,2018/01/04,"I️ threw out all my tools but I️ regret it I️ stole a 5 pack of razor blades and have been cutting myself for the past couple weeks. A couple days ago I️ broke down  and bought some rope from Home Depot and learned how to tie a noose. I️ just sat there as the rope cut my circulation and chickened our at the last minute and tore it off. It freaked me out so much I️ threw out the rope and razor blades but now all I️ want is them back.

I️ have nothing in my life anymore. The only I️ had left was this poetry slam group but of course my roommate is the one better than me and going to regionals so I️ quit. I️ might steal more razors and rope tomorrow and finally get it over with.",3.457872340425532,4.3691792198581565,3.9685744680851047,91.72350000000002,72.40425531914894,7.058439716312058,21.90141843971632,7.1686216300943375,0.39755546099290795,534,11,120,5,10,168,92,141,0.14300000000000002,0.823,0.034,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,1,0,1,2,7,7,2,0,9,0,8,1,0,1,2,25,15,16,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,13,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,6,0,1,7,0,9,1,17,7,5,21,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,2,9,73,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693874501436448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203312014199954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083366737333675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964897590767132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916498764842241,0.0,0.14328013900426975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433744537481001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607373876108268,0.0,0.12626333394298306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285286500352824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810967727071248,0.0,0.0,0.2413864490897025,0.0,0.1569240022862576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568539981018066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331922365038007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317642373152795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054695309631558,0.1689689621962188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208472945293536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23630327661129175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104058753866954,0.0,0.17820996577844625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarylandLax,2018/01/04,"I just need friends I’m 15 and the last real group of friends I had was 9 months ago. I moved to an out of district hs freshman year and started hanging out with them a few months in. They all drank and smoked and I was fine with that even though I wasn’t doing any of that before I hung with them. I was doing that with them for months until, in March, I passed out in a bathtub, someone called my parents, and I stopped hanging out with them in that instant because obviously, my parents wouldn’t let me. I’ve done things with other people since then, but all of them just stopped hitting me up after a few a few times. I’ve got personal reasons that I would never hang w those people again. The last time I even went out on a weekend was a couple months ago. No one respects me, and I feel like no one is there for me. I just need some advice i guess.",3.609475655430714,4.2044398539325885,4.116348314606744,91.97017790262173,71.80898876404495,6.382771535580527,26.631086142322093,5.46131890053228,0.6154704119850187,666,21,149,2,12,210,96,178,0.058,0.871,0.07200000000000001,0.3182,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,6,0,8,5,0,0,9,0,13,1,0,1,4,36,23,10,0,4,4,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,17,1,2,2,1,0,6,5,0,0,2,10,1,26,5,26,9,6,38,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,2,22,109,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131965453779799,0.2394203804945013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183595653695747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232282903574087,0.0,0.11491425646673505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789713353753433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942590459960253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819901360923315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783933073045357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828334919267384,0.09647693730080292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867251284949628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800867653170172,0.0,0.14876846810970806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016113804677456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809375323365128,0.0,0.06597668693178904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311699292938024,0.14353259726050266,0.0,0.20026989514502533,0.10415585225305328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302142013740724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999053517211952,0.0,0.0,0.18724787804633347,0.11791701679896432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537119896763283,0.0,0.13884984884228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171150221076688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442409439034178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955863013529302,0.0,0.0,0.22580911807211554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971860625601961,0.0,0.13268207523339995,0.0,0.15749289544454595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518905714580342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959328513880763,0.0,0.0,0.08696523953611641
suicidewatch,truethrown,2018/01/04,"I'm giving myself until next New Years day I've thought about the philosophies of suicide, the pros and cons, and about myself during the last couple of years. I'm young [19], but I realize that I've contributed nothing to this planet. 

I'm sick of being a terrible person. Even though I've tried so many things, I'm still a selfish lustful wicked person and I don't know if I can change this after all that I've tried. My brand of humor has typically come at the expense of someone else and this is something that I've always found disgusting. My dream? To land a high paying job in a certain profession stereotyped for being selfish. My only motivation for working so hard these last couple of months has been so that I can one day treat myself to a lavish (and selfish) lifestyle. Not so that I can one day make a difference in the system. Not so that I can help out a couple of people. No, only so that I can enjoy things for myself.

Another factor in why I'm possibly going to end it all in a year's time is that I'm a lonely person. I'm surrounded by people and I have constant daily relations and conversations with different people and occasionally 1 of 2 of my 'friends' will message me (and I know that I'm genuinely friends with one of them), but I've always felt so left out of the normal experiences in life. I can count the amount of pictures I've taken with non-relatives that weren't forced (like class pictures or awards pictures) with one hand. I can count the amount of people who facebook wished me happy birthday with two. I can count the amount of people who invited me to go anywhere with them in the last year with one hand w/o the thumb. I hate it. I've tried to genuinely like people, I've tried so hard to show people that I'm interested in them and doing things with them, but every single time it's the same story. I just delude myself into thinking that I have a new group of friends, but a couple of weeks later I'll realize that I'm just tolerated. Like, I put myself out there, I've done favors for people without expecting anything in return, I've given genuine (non-creepy) compliments to people, and all that I get are lonely Friday nights spent in front of my computer in my dorm room. I hate this way of life, it's nothing like how I wanted, and I've had so many chances to make new friends but I have no idea how. 

The final reason I'm going to kill myself in a years time is because I feel like a failure overall. I've never been picked for a high school sports team despite trying out for a few. I've never been able to attain the discipline to keep on working out and so 3 years of going to the gym later and all I have to show for it is an average body. I've won 0 awards during my entire high school career and in the first year of university I couldn't even accomplish a 3.0 GPA in a system that makes it so easy to get a 3.7+ GPA. I've failed my drivers test (that nearly everyone I know passed on their first try), and I'm terrible at everything I do. Art? I can't draw a person to save my life. Basketball? Dozens of hours later and I'm still the worst person on any court I play on. Photography: I could've used a phone and gotten better pictures despite trying to learn with photography books. Video games? I don't think I've ever had a game where I was even above average. 

So here's why I'm going to wait a year before snapping my neck. Firstly, I want to try being the most selfless person I can be. It's time to stop reaping from this world and to start giving back and so I'm going to always put others ahead of myself as long as it doesn't ruin me too much. I'll never say something bad about another person, and I will try to copy the example of Catholic saints. Secondly, I'm not going to have my funeral looking like an average person. I want my body to look very good when I die and so I'm going to force myself to the gym every day, healthy or sick. If I can't lift, I'll run. If I can't run, I'll walk. But I'm never going to skip a day between now and Dec 31 2018. I will strive for perfection so that I can die without being a total failure in everything. 

Thank you to whoever read this (I don't know what to call it, a manifesto?). I'm sorry you wasted your time reading this if you're looking to give me supportive words, but if you're reading this trying to understand the mindset of someone who has their suicide planned out, I am an example of such. I'm motivated to die by my feelings of being a complete failure (and an evil one at that). I have my method of death and place of death ready for when the time comes. Hopefully one year from now I won't be a total failure but for now, I'm on track to die.",4.604743322927508,4.855653001040583,5.820912070759626,81.85695950398892,69.45785639958376,8.529455428373224,27.87930974679153,8.395991825355821,1.816441401318072,3678,114,750,51,60,1235,360,961,0.154,0.7,0.147,-0.9622,2,4,3,0,0,3,98.0,0,3,6,18,40,45,5,0,53,0,54,11,5,10,13,120,127,63,10,13,22,0,7,6,4,4,5,1,2,8,44,43,0,4,19,16,3,18,21,16,0,13,16,11,80,29,126,99,15,122,1,4,3,1,37,40,0,9,67,468,124,25,0.04418431087705799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029465854317563,0.0,0.0,0.030046846540979718,0.09266220491126048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03635992310454552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033975007729712715,0.03689205400244513,0.02693434580670796,0.0,0.03759759422810892,0.0,0.0,0.039077432370819946,0.0,0.09815761748907244,0.0,0.0,0.045117121507585824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674114227738007,0.07612174294865567,0.04632640931290232,0.04774754329408984,0.0,0.035277576925232736,0.19555639834576186,0.0,0.1424761261943192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342535554934888,0.09232640143066974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04521589049230768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036910322130843824,0.0,0.039134184838798415,0.0,0.0,0.08754996186640908,0.03996723878783563,0.07445437513524686,0.042220002520073616,0.07942001919097534,0.04322073434229639,0.0,0.0,0.04468183033887687,0.03156528051901298,0.04242386746719861,0.04840175285376362,0.0,0.11274945678137956,0.0,0.04844581629053143,0.13654675591877175,0.0,0.04616895758616658,0.12715685133391616,0.2259986588934821,0.03705970365324547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470350205325505,0.07916092772545881,0.08724571896991971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029615812215591345,0.14004945098584093,0.0,0.043884990289363934,0.04351264596224887,0.0,0.0,0.049878708847394204,0.0,0.0,0.04384611079446762,0.03927304565398308,0.04888339353518087,0.0,0.09713016695390156,0.10804833169865373,0.0,0.0,0.04800638304947232,0.0,0.09362605637333253,0.12951733475268729,0.0,0.0,0.039101724727018436,0.11131107910103237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848011182169907,0.08959191245504232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526749539915328,0.0,0.03248055240660587,0.0,0.13631065769900366,0.12802044832479212,0.046990515877829216,0.04146398263081444,0.04329124344204515,0.08479207588798257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958302784473434,0.06720831888660915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27568654054723674,0.3086402879162291,0.04616320071533487,0.0,0.0,0.049811171699181325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883487243999111,0.0,0.0,0.1325888033372505,0.0,0.0,0.04542883046820053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513713743781917,0.0,0.08943376299071934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487444644524592,0.06803048232656117,0.0,0.04946071860405513,0.03127388265418166,0.0,0.07057129548323925,0.03694006233569529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666092939131082,0.050139832375512436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040678977106212745,0.0,0.0,0.0880622785137655,0.056623044651480735,0.043410861100709915,0.035077407400965974,0.1545853619593696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999824675118373,0.0,0.043161651495412005,0.0459974258664324,0.0,0.03816105820942283,0.0,0.036456683828946304,0.07818315399392868,0.035071449363823885,0.03544198902902875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973893627323594,0.0,0.05080977694638296,0.08518419792934667,0.0,0.06433340910220194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560792280876069
suicidewatch,sad_and_anonymous,2018/01/04,Was 51/50’d. Back on Meds. Anyone have any experience with Lexapro and Seroquel? ,4.286666666666665,6.770617153846152,2.4384615384615387,85.29820512820513,108.23076923076924,4.810256410256411,35.1025641025641,6.42735559955562,2.813379487179488,65,4,10,1,3,18,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519525012629867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618837686222656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979648557992004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062642942395874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5748826078333626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unwanted_boi,2018/01/04,"Just tried to cut blood flow to my brain I've been having reoccurring suicidal thoughts for quite a while now, and even though I made a plan, I never took them quite too seriously, almost as a ""this is my last resort"" kinda thing. Today was my first day back to school after the break, and in our class we talked about depression and suicide, it made me very uncomfortable, and I don't know what caused it, but after class my suicidal thoughts went crazy and I started to see them as more than a last resort, one of my only options. After thinking for a while I made my decision. I just took my phone charger cable and tightened it around my neck for a minute trying to restrict all bloodflow to my brain and kill me. I don't know why it didn't work, maybe I didn't tighten it enough, maybe I'm just too stupid to know how to do it properly, but I'm still here. I don't know if this even counts as an attempt but if it does than its my first. I want to try it again.",5.508720877112836,4.901242613065328,5.755906806761079,86.01745089081776,67.5929648241206,8.844403837368663,28.1411603471905,8.00094639256281,1.4706040201005024,756,20,168,8,11,241,110,199,0.183,0.81,0.006999999999999999,-0.9885,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,2,0,2,7,16,5,3,0,8,0,10,4,4,5,2,37,28,19,4,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,8,0,0,4,6,5,0,3,12,1,26,0,24,16,3,24,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,5,17,116,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157876296521344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029360038625887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891301399591788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25816462079104785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878477208988825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457235567496827,0.0,0.09959271282243518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118936770996664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947761549761453,0.0,0.15274621954856052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671114541190046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792844340578022,0.0,0.2541908441199673,0.18850921055432748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282382209951294,0.0,0.0,0.2323335340099786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918166783215305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835448101949886,0.08794249945940663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24597536145735505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170246300422059,0.09214284549601558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184413637987599,0.0,0.09234297506169198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37944426545244775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929397262831492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768200227678855,0.07409160288704902,0.11360675857173395,0.1835960150469684,0.0,0.0,0.10960455972431273,0.0,0.25694033829339125,0.2355173444957051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540759093611736,0.06820209255589342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719098993566333,0.10433888953440104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418066228880823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,williamtheo13,2018/01/04,"Does anyone know where I can get help? Canadian, in Ontario. I’m under 18 so it’ll be hard to seek help on my own, but I don’t think my parents are willing to help me, is there something I can do? I’m afraid that one day I might go through with actually killing myself",0.3755747126436759,2.3261818448275875,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,84.0,5.2459770114942526,23.459770114942533,6.42735559955562,0.43488735632183895,209,8,49,2,6,70,46,58,0.13,0.7490000000000001,0.121,-0.3699,1,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,16,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,7,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2664680010912999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093049601211928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610165914539172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389573908495929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266302448538448,0.0,0.15518677432275074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24460888789411736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490807976829956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021013743194297,0.0,0.15006710256076716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896744114805819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503309951949864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032017604813471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021558365906687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749663676177865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GosefMengele,2018/01/04,"School sucks... I feel like my life is spiralling out of control, I don't know what to do. My parents are always fighting. My house is a shithole, nobody even cares about me. People are only friends with me out of pity. I can't describe it, not correctly. My house isn't my home, my dad isn't my father. Just... everything is there with none of the substance. Just, hollow. I can't stop thinking about what's on the other side if I do it. I have a noose in my bedroom. I keep looking at it. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go home, I just want to be gone. I drink, I smoke, I cut, I try everything to help me end it except for ending it. I'm a coward.",-0.8078308823529419,1.1632348263888908,1.6440849673202642,98.3623529411765,89.625,4.2215686274509805,18.192810457516337,5.5289334501034215,-0.5423287581699348,501,14,121,3,17,170,78,144,0.102,0.799,0.099,0.4063,1,0,2,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,3,0,5,0,16,2,0,1,1,20,30,1,0,4,6,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,8,4,1,3,3,1,0,3,9,4,0,0,1,2,25,3,20,28,1,12,0,1,1,0,6,6,1,1,4,82,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371002828261158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799208897888326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480146745945256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141003877185509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918713134671957,0.0,0.0,0.10882779539683356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961659404986293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331171687136395,0.11771038445025755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272994479246964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728304985860625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044060386550617,0.0,0.3305517359967389,0.0,0.0,0.38024059789761133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645348390546845,0.0,0.0,0.09055225477067108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638060245368045,0.0804973851862785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836373064664545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531358702218884,0.0,0.0,0.1829555085259625,0.0,0.0,0.11422947457177116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335082866800377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775353387187755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557676417060892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186674408892412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915535348597879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RomanSkplatsky,2018/01/04,"I want this to stop These few last years have done me in. I rejected therapy and everytime i close my eyes i see myself dead. Im too pussy to hang myself, OD, etc. Im either going to jump off a bridge or just go insane because i cant stop it.",-0.706666666666667,1.164540555555554,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,87.88888888888891,5.822222222222222,16.407407407407412,7.1686216300943375,-0.05945925925925932,186,4,45,3,6,66,43,54,0.267,0.7090000000000001,0.024,-0.9246,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,7,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,5,6,3,11,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,4,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585229990456064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26611964577855884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900225385335934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955828256950927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5617934673283743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197403129401807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072247860702093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43482396108003296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29738783641586497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338319500939196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674625464826951
suicidewatch,Msbkitty94,2018/01/04,"I want to do it but it's wrong help help help I just keep burning myself over and over and tonight I can't stop thinking how easy it would be please someone talk to me about something random please don't let me go over the edge ... I know I'm so pathetic it would be so easy but I can't stop and last time I cut my wrists I got hospitalised so I don't want that please chat with me, about anything, ",0.8985344827586204,2.5648887816091985,1.9432040229885068,100.50032327586209,80.72413793103449,5.269540229885059,20.070402298850574,5.985473137389443,-0.3509528735632186,312,8,78,2,8,98,50,87,0.125,0.552,0.322,0.952,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,1,0,10,1,1,1,0,18,18,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,13,0,8,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,5,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516689461089859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474590791705284,0.0,0.14740713405476158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37061126454958015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382051820360016,0.0,0.0,0.10129029986484232,0.15023479331396294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884663811158106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6069411752533735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616271176085728,0.14188852281243702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30817778726021194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813897451213612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809647510913625,0.0,0.0,0.10747088612206404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741807201004595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26185279069996004,0.2015107569980281,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jweaver3221,2018/01/04,"Is it worth it? For I don’t even know how long the only reason I haven’t gone through with it is because my mom.  Not even in a she keeps me going kind of way, but in a without me she’d lose it kind of way.  Is living a life you don’t want worth living for the sake of someone else.",0.6492307692307691,1.37198930769231,2.732307692307696,98.62769230769231,79.0,5.2,19.15384615384616,3.1291,-0.7707846153846152,215,4,57,0,5,73,42,65,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.73,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,2,0,9,12,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,10,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073369254615874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179154999340346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28329949374453856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188336862473108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062316615094424,0.0,0.4466571384679547,0.11786238910939105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148044503055044,0.0,0.0,0.3787467302183861,0.1897916101312343,0.0,0.2399274745767713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511746259449144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310757574958287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205020607436539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171246725990226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649490344512335,0.3404589895134142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067331581358257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cerseilioness,2018/01/04,"I'm confused. I'm thinking about suicide everyday about two years. I think I will never try it because I afraid to die, but the idea of suicide gives me chill... and sometimes it seems like the only way... 

things are getting worse every day where I live. almost everyone I met is stupid, unreliable and angry. I hate to talking people except my family, in fact I don't even talk with my family because they always find to say things that makes me angry. it just makes me sick. but I have to survive. I'm not working since I graduated from college. I need money. I can't live like this forever. I have to communicate with those people. I have to work with them. even this idea scares me, not like social phobia or something else, I just don't want to do it. it always surprises me that how I graduated from those schools without any nervous breakdown. except the fake friends, I was always alone and I can say that my most beautiful years gone wasted, and it was just because of this two faced society. they were/they are hypocrite and abusive every topic you can imagine. I preferred to stay away for not to get any harm, but it wasn't enough. they broke my heart a lot. and I know nothing gonna change about them.

I know what I don't want to do, but I don't know what else I can do.  even if I decide what I'm gonna do, the place where I live  won't give me any chance. and the time is running out. I'm looking at people around me, on the internet... and they don't think deep. they don't even think. all they do is talking about themselves, talking about their endless problems...

I love this life. I love breathing, my eyes, my ears, every part of my body works just fine. but somehow, it's not enough. it can't stop the things going through my head. sometimes I'm planning every single detail, and sometimes the idea comes like "" hey, jump from there. it's gonna be fine"". 

this is not a help call or something, like I said I'm not gonna try to suicide. I just wanted to share my thoughts...",1.8426879699248144,4.059842614035092,2.8506259398496248,92.39157800751879,80.2531328320802,5.293258145363409,22.75695488721805,6.385866456164764,0.4339478195488722,1549,51,323,13,40,492,181,399,0.174,0.695,0.131,-0.9708,0,1,2,0,0,3,68.0,0,1,9,5,20,22,2,4,10,0,31,11,7,3,3,70,70,18,4,7,22,0,0,5,1,6,2,4,0,0,26,15,0,1,16,0,1,5,18,10,0,2,7,6,55,12,37,56,7,24,0,1,2,2,28,10,0,9,12,206,81,7,0.0,0.08817874221788936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452359419966034,0.07707948333407975,0.0,0.0,0.18577697097572585,0.0,0.0,0.15182998555375804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625199085115584,0.0,0.0,0.06992258633445697,0.0,0.0,0.1361021806116979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266685393552138,0.0,0.0,0.0759939083499858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872935958034559,0.06410857523466656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047996491417350906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723902363949067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434124977180483,0.0,0.0,0.15379710872461308,0.0,0.1966219934783735,0.0,0.25081737359206674,0.07111408917138443,0.0,0.0,0.14031821596316554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802100909051606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749880149731139,0.0,0.0777655890752607,0.14278609071159634,0.04229614143339088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347701880996474,0.07637917189697503,0.0,0.0,0.08819127024094484,0.04988397406611208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520425440790045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270232606050482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256696134754775,0.1817958855020494,0.0,0.1971498505026638,0.0,0.06249633295805905,0.0,0.0,0.06327152706215827,0.13433880371556015,0.0,0.09935547428403142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055183496808400914,0.05739938233073383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141059788968332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660182492988669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059254300120787,0.0,0.1547860102448307,0.0,0.07775589237698408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121248291530913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079304028828205,0.11836785295274327,0.07451011632949253,0.07531975623675763,0.0,0.06775164049237074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061563235165678916,0.0,0.0,0.0758645810534867,0.0,0.11458847697233457,0.2208178909223748,0.0,0.0,0.07932470710665616,0.0,0.06222071838314407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442190978856881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23927262238156516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832942570019272,0.19074827125300048,0.0,0.05908331901750263,0.04339648096792746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105627035121993,0.0,0.14540034817712724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168932858734064,0.059073283480806316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174083711459069,0.0,0.16254185878191055,0.0,0.07584310008121076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958515709993831
suicidewatch,Se26mo,2018/01/04,"If anyone is feeling down and needs a friend, please message me ( if you are living in the Netherlands we can also hang out sometime) I just stumbled upon this subreddit and would like to do everything I can to help anyone in this situation. (We can go see a movie play some pool or just hang out and have some fun. ) Even if you're not living in the Netherlands and need someone to talk to, please message me. We can just talk a bit and maybe laugh a bit, just whatever I can do to make you feel better. I just want you guys to understand how many ignorant people live in this world that might not even understand how much damage they are doing. And that most of these idiots are hurting you only because they are insecure about themselves and you are probably a threat to them. And I'd rather you guys be angry at them for what they're doing to you then sad for yourself. (What sometimes helps me when I'm down is to scream at these people inside my head and actually feel the anger. I know that this may seem a bit strange but venting out the anger, even just inside yourself, can really sometimes help you go to the second stage of understanding that we are just all a bunch of ignorant humans who want to be loved.)",8.431293267402049,6.553657439330543,7.8434689996196285,77.52742487637886,62.47280334728033,10.866641308482313,33.86116394066185,9.339509955726095,2.770812552301255,964,29,191,13,11,303,122,239,0.108,0.787,0.105,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,4,8,4,1,16,18,4,1,12,0,24,2,1,3,1,55,42,19,0,9,15,0,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,3,13,16,0,2,8,2,0,4,2,11,0,1,0,5,25,7,29,37,9,20,0,3,1,1,29,13,0,10,3,142,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.10608793261892924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693752282303215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202892289414013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627026501287303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614756630145838,0.3560584013325121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541117858926756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770398280478393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490525289165264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399117771714595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356788800363384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528536897061387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157061423249386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186035337390589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637921509731575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059745667770929975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311154364900121,0.0,0.2879859701293473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981174741330043,0.0,0.07256658469787074,0.1102176348372104,0.10921653911700324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153270160796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991635776853381,0.16121820861621558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268092226275693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073542353411146,0.0,0.0,0.23866784125477314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172106991046537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696441521128841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662996267284727,0.09896797722799457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219765204614275,0.0,0.0,0.09211193478073726,0.0,0.32255897925896365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475833257356946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395213261113575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824315768678124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722639709294055,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlondeFTW,2018/01/04,"I’m doing it. I’m 26 and I’ve been suicidal for over a decade. The last 5 years have broken me completely. No one I’ve tried talking to takes me seriously, and I’m tired of crying for help...

The man I love, who I left my entire life for, doesn’t love me anymore and is leaving in less than a week. I’ve tried talking to him about my suicidal thoughts, he just assumes I’m trying to make him stay... I’m going to hang myself the day he leaves.",0.6827083333333306,2.3723576875000028,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,81.5,5.933333333333334,21.08333333333333,6.937597516519254,0.34075833333333394,342,10,80,4,9,117,62,96,0.215,0.7040000000000001,0.081,-0.9168,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,1,0,7,16,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,10,2,12,14,1,10,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,1,4,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761464392100413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862260389262909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951018323577616,0.11454703706268385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094274679893983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905164851527555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447800014668975,0.0,0.3761374620180774,0.19297931117643474,0.0,0.12545478829674342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206091002435236,0.0,0.11855944944216534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035657932662873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931404976922775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885641530707696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354444057737394,0.2855205571767962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100653888291625,0.0,0.2041424136964404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617669543180336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424721088130364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437829236632152
suicidewatch,julieannbee,2018/01/04,"I don't want to be here I can't do it, but I'd really like to die. I constantly think about it. Every day. But I'm supporting my husband through school. We have a large loan out on a car payment and $3,000 of credit card debt. If I could pay everything off and save enough for a funeral I think I would. I'm only 23 and I've done nothing with my life. I bar tend and work 50 hours a week. I am so incredibly unhappy in every aspect of my life. I feel so alone. I just don't want to put any financial burden on my husband.",-0.9645566502463048,1.0050423965517261,2.187980295566504,94.1336206896552,90.55172413793105,6.0729064039408875,18.630541871921178,7.447530270364453,0.4239921182266016,402,12,98,8,14,143,77,116,0.226,0.6509999999999999,0.123,-0.8975,2,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,10,3,0,0,0,19,19,9,2,5,4,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,1,4,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,15,4,14,15,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,57,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141395439195784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881332296113807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205887109931404,0.0,0.1629787562674806,0.0,0.0,0.13164499304570962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118515422609065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088927369241159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091770159248255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439715115335946,0.0,0.1834561367113964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321271712933396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010239233795603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883617971512952,0.0997261148718226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586530983760386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524774059996638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052039607784729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076894845421758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065873669759124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164083908994446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615926091787685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407987227695219,0.0,0.16373832318016238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486068476889121,0.0,0.0,0.14500592561429734,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3nzyme,2018/01/04,"rant 8pm and I'm already drunk. Fuck this. I can't stand her being around and I can't stand it even if I'm away from home. Fighting, literally on December 31 was not the way I wanted to start off the new year. It sickens me that you're still here, and even more so that I can't just break it up. All I can do now is chug iburprofen and drink whatever spirit I have left. Killing myself is not even enough for me anymore. I just want to stop existing period, have everything about me erased from existence, from my birth and up until now. FUCK LOVE. FUCK LIFE. FUCK EVERYTHING. I'm fucking tired of this shit. I fuck up everything I do and every relationship. 

Even if I don't kill myself, I am sure as fuck, sober or drunk, that I will guarantee myself a short life. I don't want to fucking grow old. I'm tired of being guilt tripped by you. Quitting smoking is hard, you forcing me to stop over this relationship does not fucking help. I can't even fucking sleep on the couch unless I get wasted first. To put the fucking cherry on top, the first thing I want to do is drink the moment I wake up. However, I FUCKING CAN'T because I gotta fucking pretend that everything is fine when I go to school.

You say you want to have a kid together within the next year or so. Do you know why I don't? It's because every fucking time we get into an argument, you threaten me with breaking up and finding a new guy. The way I see it, even IF we start a family together, despite me being in school and no job and that we could get a huge financial benefit from the government, whose to say you won't leave with our kid when we have another argument and I get fucked over with child support. I came back from walking my dog, and couldn't help but to think about ways to kill myself. I think I found my method. Even if we somehow get over this, guess what, the very next argument we have will be my fucking trigger. After breaking up with my ex, I fucking knew I should not date anymore. Despite all the fun times we had and how much I love you, I wish us never happened. Whenever we argue, you either threaten to kill yourself or break up with me and find another guy. I hate to sound like I'm a bitch, but you have no fucking clue what that does to my depression. 

To the reddit community:
I'm sorry but no one can help. While some of you may suggest therapy and antidepressants, my personality and the way I am as a person will not allow me to open up freely with people. I'd reach out to my friends about this, but it's pointless. No one can help me, and even I don't want to fucking help me. ",2.9926607538802656,4.352039060606065,4.271832963784185,87.37287139689579,74.11363636363637,7.575461936437546,26.325018477457505,8.176038313617813,1.5257476348854402,2016,71,431,32,41,664,227,528,0.187,0.711,0.102,-0.9911,2,0,3,0,2,3,60.0,10,11,0,4,25,40,28,2,21,0,43,32,3,3,4,85,97,37,4,14,20,1,1,1,1,7,4,3,2,7,21,35,4,2,7,5,0,6,21,31,0,4,5,5,77,9,63,79,7,71,1,1,1,21,46,26,21,11,30,295,98,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483832199318045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919490375719538,0.0,0.0,0.08696342903851366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039030677859831504,0.0,0.0,0.041193115969568386,0.033713521766922085,0.0,0.05345409548431816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050146141551718655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0350060658415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037762988123652426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673679695590271,0.0,0.0,0.08590134628512522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045302830369958066,0.0,0.2316697080048093,0.0,0.07388134291929868,0.0,0.15761753857572755,0.0,0.0413324566912168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014570005834881,0.07458779299670078,0.0,0.0480729568929211,0.033873958649935504,0.7701327467590773,0.114534054629227,0.0,0.024917697563374436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048299384220260165,0.08682540100825348,0.03877132531724357,0.0,0.03927583594967102,0.0432871195933651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146939382283381,0.0,0.0439793574102597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04350865266680725,0.0,0.1940286654355118,0.0,0.024095653074431445,0.0,0.0,0.046424729948601536,0.0476369057150843,0.0,0.061936980551598186,0.021420085803050284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914229451122505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03223056840113985,0.0,0.03381538837281735,0.08469009937235808,0.093257714169738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046007164788557625,0.0,0.05941999675116263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030396082318730637,0.07656621558111472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407558093133526,0.0,0.0466337565780854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414463210671456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973341447108873,0.0,0.08874544309959052,0.03493819057172758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500549238059001,0.0,0.0,0.04387591361204906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049080048090971294,0.06206637137426407,0.0,0.035014074541524685,0.0733115121287687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975393511694008,0.0413226865791953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013972073249463,0.0,0.02912817138151973,0.05618724986183364,0.0,0.0,0.051131869311363806,0.10078503083489684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273923413238092,0.0,0.0,0.03617609784212316,0.1551628470521749,0.13920609889848354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039562615924998434,0.0,0.05041872351234997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646851878671388
suicidewatch,Lostforfartoolong,2018/01/04,"I regret not doing it years ago. I'm struggling to sleep tonight, suicide will not stop haunting my thoughts, I don't want to sleep like this. I regret not killing myself when I was younger...I knew back then it was the right choice, but was too pussy. Now i'm turning 23 in 10 days, heartbroken from a 4 1/2 year relationship, and wishing I had made the choice long ago.

If people didn't care i'd be gone tonight. but I can't do that to the people who care about me, I cant have them hate me after i'm gone...I don't know how to move on I've never lived for myself, i'm just a stupid girl who followed in everyone's footsteps. I just need to get those thoughts out of my head, I wish they'd leave...

I'm sorry i'm not okay, I know everyone needs me to be. ",1.6786069418386482,2.8277215792682964,3.0007317073170725,96.01818949343344,77.10975609756099,6.021763602251407,22.9812382739212,6.297961479604792,0.1994142589118204,585,17,143,4,13,190,99,164,0.187,0.711,0.103,-0.9285,1,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,2,0,8,10,3,1,5,1,16,3,3,2,1,27,40,7,2,8,9,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,10,6,0,0,10,0,19,4,15,26,0,23,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,1,16,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572699942308567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158387501750544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29590722987620505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358666455484972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773257049368445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581618868151005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432702455699227,0.14892905144135912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605473799463144,0.0,0.15950195649749802,0.0,0.0,0.15365500229017254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089547611299629,0.0,0.1281385116646367,0.12842151500359414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731058023808304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423344659665456,0.0,0.2152007053959145,0.11192102966718152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120785208520184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557983608949397,0.0,0.12392674788379965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29043803223009995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624434845430295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132198266434174,0.0,0.1517048866174269,0.0,0.158731399711254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304089567546718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784259680723978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559212459087877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333748374426078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186897595163212
suicidewatch,Meeri_,2018/01/04,"The end. I can feel it now, every day it's been getting closer and closer to the edge. I can't keep pretending to be okay. I am 21 soon to be 22, I have been depressed, I have self harmed, 3 suicide attempts and 10 years later, 3 years after my last suicide attempt I am still here, hearing how it'll get better but it's all fucking lies and bullshit. I have lost all meaning and all hope. I wish it was easy, just one quick simple way of ending everything, I am too much of a coward to jump from the balcony. I am afraid of the pain when my body hits the asphalt but in the end, can it be worse than my eternal suffering on this earth? Its just getting worse and I can feel myself slipping away from who I really am. I'm afraid my brother will get devastated if I would pass but I just want all of this to end.. Every night, I pray I'll die in my sleep. Maybe this is it or I'll have to take action.",2.451830357142857,3.2950015937500012,3.955446428571428,91.13062500000002,74.72916666666666,6.527380952380952,24.130952380952376,6.5431188927421005,0.5650077380952379,694,20,159,5,14,231,110,192,0.252,0.6609999999999999,0.087,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,4,11,11,1,2,7,1,23,4,2,1,4,26,40,12,3,5,8,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,12,5,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,8,0,1,4,3,21,3,18,29,5,27,1,3,0,1,4,6,1,3,17,107,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692294251301572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947748314103375,0.0,0.15005623933306314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712286315972396,0.0,0.11635413971302573,0.0,0.14020368340301995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786040049864749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276408865757576,0.0,0.12141155941243373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366126766048748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488994573562485,0.28231900188812625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225797622625564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417637417132822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200755619124204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011763009777854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746836679915815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571760277489084,0.14715428324586385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930782083496162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267742526868917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154151918663916,0.0,0.14374691613362667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654309547315593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092993164089376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351890948284215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788427302910218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955364224587786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157202072191113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968048646408085,0.1072293711709382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534859636899367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27533962732933764,0.0959651493183414,0.0,0.0,0.17398903664039395
suicidewatch,goldenboy11944,2018/01/04,I was going to kill myself tonight but as I made the noose I chickened out I thought it would be easy but everytime I'm about to attempt it I pussy out I dont know what wrong with me,-2.325060975609756,-0.9227478048780462,-0.0644207317073171,104.65263719512195,112.41463414634146,3.025609756097561,17.320121951219512,5.148860815047168,-0.8356609756097568,144,5,36,1,8,47,31,41,0.071,0.7490000000000001,0.179,0.6521,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,9,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,7,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615349979345457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380771521953088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43568544192106223,0.0,0.2164242120523056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726265782192855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126361457278163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279746846324653,0.4305625204146466,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alreadyownanacc,2018/01/04,". just why? give me a fucking reason. please. i do care but i can't do it anymore. there's nothing here for me. im not real. its over ok? just forget it. nothings helping this was supposed to be a good year. im not good enough ill never be good enough. gosh i wanna do it but i don't have the fucking tools goddammit
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suicidewatch,Thatmightalarm,2018/01/04,"Lowest Thing in Society I always figured I would die before 40 and at this point I'm 6 months from turning 30 and I doubt I'll survive these next few months.  I have accepted that I'm not desirable enough to be in a relationship. I'm looked down upon in society, because I am black, female and overweight.  How I survived up until this point is beyond me, I have no goals and nothing to live for.  I'm just going through the motions, but I'm tired and done.  So whatever happens in the next few months is unknown.",3.4359466019417475,4.9067854466019405,4.782706310679612,83.70473907766991,73.1747572815534,7.480097087378643,29.379854368932037,8.07648339933343,2.037505825242719,403,17,79,6,8,134,69,103,0.151,0.8109999999999999,0.038,-0.8394,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,1,0,14,17,9,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,8,1,15,14,3,19,0,0,2,0,1,11,0,1,6,53,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035338779492986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747659374968936,0.0,0.16398531951725412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000065838975811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972132100966927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912495575363265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952374022263382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704162493879291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016988847071265,0.0,0.16183112463213975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614671459973089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099067995550315,0.0,0.0,0.1849141672823657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36435381820600143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690258808998235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803054003830255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149625797923306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096173644104251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689841252750798,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cierstin25,2018/01/04,"I am fine... maybe. I was born into a bad situation sure. My mom was a drug addict and chose the drugs over me... oh well, its whatever. She's going to have to live with that. She almost got me murdered and raped by her dealers, but hey, no pity here it made me stronger. It taught me to fight. She didn't have the money for food, so I ate out of the trash (I was like 5-6). Soon, my dad found out she cheated on him and he left her. He remarried an abusive woman and I was constantly abused for two years. Tied up, duct taped, beaten, pinched, bitten, thrown down hallways, sprayed with bleach... etc. That's all good, she's going to deal with consequences... Sure she gave me trauma and trust issues, but I am also stronger and more cautious. I even talked to the school in first grade and they turned the other cheek. Soon, she also cheated on my dad and he left her... but only because she cheated. Whatever, I get it, every man for himself. I was then sent to my grandparents where I was safe, for a while. Soon there was a personal incident, but that's okay too, he will deal with the mistakes he has made. Karma's a bitch, God asks questions, and is the only true judge that matters after all. I grew up with them, safe after the incident until about five or six years ago when my dad remarried a somewhat sane woman. She is okay, but she is immature. She needs to find blame everywhere. She is petty, but that's another problem that does not belong to me. My dad is decent, even after everything he let me go through without talking about it a single time. Maybe he will answer for that too. They have taken everything they could from me. The one sport I was using to cope. My freedom. My childhood. My innocence. My emotional and mental stability. My trust. However, I'm somewhat grateful. These things affect me, but in the least. I have straight A's. I have great friends. I am getting the hell out of this place as soon as I can and am giving myself a life they will have never had. So maybe when they're sleeping at night or standing in front of God trying to muster up a half ass excuse, they will think of whom their actions really reflected on. ",1.8316312056737587,4.2235080969267145,2.8887659574468074,91.094,81.50591016548464,5.840378250591017,21.92955082742317,7.123485893559443,0.7075074231678493,1667,53,339,22,45,531,226,423,0.156,0.679,0.165,-0.0637,2,0,2,0,2,0,82.0,0,0,7,2,20,29,9,0,22,2,33,10,3,4,6,57,54,31,1,4,11,5,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,4,17,20,2,2,6,1,1,7,5,14,1,6,19,0,61,15,52,29,8,51,2,1,0,2,54,21,3,6,23,242,78,4,0.0,0.2407203947186272,0.0,0.110741341360495,0.0,0.0,0.09004791357305908,0.0,0.10172150656937796,0.0,0.0,0.1624730636950104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651947639143593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949671445071814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481823369319555,0.06192454442507549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977600447851638,0.0,0.08110640203377557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945688405146587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889667197769456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23560992525434324,0.0,0.0,0.11426810738291165,0.0,0.0,0.11329279460912668,0.1341902897739312,0.0,0.08558873665971088,0.0,0.18259394684860208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928457570701573,0.08640713230939534,0.12283553976321995,0.11138139847988876,0.078483395454198,0.0,0.10614669038636802,0.09744844180101044,0.1731972514831666,0.08520367569811141,0.0812458484058799,0.11199650320776224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602709971458406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074220188365404,0.10387632272974998,0.07175164538791376,0.04962871573756405,0.0,0.08970036057453062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224210423622745,0.0,0.0,0.3061637565742393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237258228370018,0.0,0.0,0.11897372421639425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753231039565532,0.07834769256017163,0.0,0.0,0.09532951915330948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688358150150475,0.15451812189891642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869905991774962,0.10613345480952767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720198182181004,0.0,0.0,0.11379710971198854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507718643683208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028082335684798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418445257916784,0.10165716722144112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914830673049216,0.0,0.0,0.16329842844301248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748776595669073,0.06509080022152236,0.0,0.0,0.05923433338494345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896873519591533,0.1104940088947287,0.0992326164024232,0.0,0.0,0.08773579137046528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091336040071249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792316262005746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308332792293502
suicidewatch,Rev762,2018/01/04,"15 y/o, my life fell apart. Should I do it? I went from a good house in the good neighborhood, good school, running cross country, fit, good grades, lots of friends, a supportive happy family, a girlfriend, peace, happiness, and love... to parents divorced, lost our house, I barely get to see my dad, my mom is always crying and screams at me when I try to help... we moved to the ghetto with my grandparents and cousins and uncle in a tiny house who always fight with me and eachother violently and hurt my mom. Lost nearly 3/4 of my belongings moving in an accident, lost all of my friends, caught my girlfriend cheating on me with my old friend, I'm failing every class, I have a bad stutter now because I had a bad concussion recently and I'm made fun of for it and I can't talk to anyone anymore, no one cares to listen. I don't have a life anymore, my grandparents are going to kick my mom and my sister and I out of the house and we're going to be homeless I'm looked up to to be strong by my little sister. Should I do it?",4.640096153846155,4.908265509615386,5.513461538461539,84.03153846153847,69.38461538461539,8.515384615384617,29.461538461538463,8.384062270229773,1.959767307692308,798,28,166,11,13,262,117,208,0.177,0.632,0.191,0.644,3,1,0,0,2,1,34.0,2,0,0,5,2,26,3,0,11,0,13,3,0,1,1,21,31,12,0,2,0,8,0,0,5,2,2,2,0,0,4,16,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,12,0,1,7,4,28,14,29,20,2,24,0,5,2,1,22,11,0,1,4,102,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459178196402932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617200188192047,0.06915584193558535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516109634263018,0.06029084315029697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008390234904285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086411885363594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333072362972674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932377076371132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923850934213866,0.0,0.0516731573919839,0.0,0.1124186262510552,0.33182328558324914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105698847003556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629313746369796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564868597857793,0.1058785716644405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971736854980227,0.0,0.09912759822589996,0.0,0.0,0.08305428886388952,0.0,0.32389556821845084,0.08408448042873938,0.08926454786482564,0.09358517419060773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475048324860682,0.0,0.21023819054203446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378290871540599,0.0,0.06701977971297812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982097391664612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765557820818843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009593356211044,0.07881352957635146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223486885585826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949513417785357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714919317658312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168482056458853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MacxCape,2018/01/04,"Am I the only one who finds solace in suicidal thoughts? Why is it that I feel this relief when I think of taking my life? Is it because it is the only thing in my life I feel I have complete control over?  

It probably does has something to do with control, and knowing that the pain will definitely be over, I guess the mountain of stressors suddenly all seem to fade away once you find a clear answer to all of them at once. I suppose the only trouble with giving into this comfort is it distracts and takes you away from the effort of finding actual solutions...


",6.833575757575757,6.425467509090911,7.221818181818183,75.939393939394,64.81818181818181,9.515151515151514,35.60606060606061,8.841846274778883,3.0781515151515144,446,19,81,6,6,146,71,110,0.134,0.752,0.113,-0.5596,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,3,1,5,0,1,7,0,10,3,0,2,3,21,20,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,12,2,18,17,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.1464581816797325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820135722747386,0.0,0.0,0.09148846879769973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573579059001084,0.0,0.3366589880475745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313375895771193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177172930498173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115161230934582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439721326958367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653320167948492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248102917042327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120144195230472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31966442558366737,0.10169930796645868,0.34243190253420125,0.15969761069069194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618135582483283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662882885463054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554029758680788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641651237055695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256856628108229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970767532130508,0.09616635375152854,0.0,0.11914818037675287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542547562782936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,its_all_marry,2018/01/04,"I started cutting again and I know it's going to escalate I've been struggling with mild depression for a couple months but recently it's gotten much worse and I started cutting my wrists. I don't really know why i started again, but as soon as I did I knew I wouldn't be able to stop for a while. the slightest thing can set me off and bring me to the verge of tears, and I get the urge to hurt myself. 

I haven't talked to my parents about it yet (18 for clarification) and I'm terrified of their reaction. Last semester I didn't do too great and recently my dad has been pretty upset with me, he thinks I'm just too lazy to put in the effort to work and be successful, but all I can think about lately is how miserable I am and if it would be that bad if I just killed myself. I feel like if I told my dad he'd just think it's an excuse for my shitty grades and me trying to get out of next semester. 

I haven't had an appetite for a month so I choose not to eat dinner tonight, after my mom got upset I wouldn't at least sit at the table with them. I shut my door, put on music, and cried. I was about to go join them when I heard my brother say ""who needs to socialize when you can sit in your room all day and play video games."" which made me cry and cut more.

The only times I've felt happy in a while is when I've been fucked up with friends or with this girl. The people who know how bad I feel all tell me I should tell my parents but I don't want them to think I'm an even bigger disappointment. I'm not brave enough to kill myself but I'm getting there faster than I'm comfortable with and I'm scared ",2.037547490183595,3.138324080229232,3.516440624005096,92.8739244401995,76.10601719197709,6.88956807810676,20.948848562029077,7.3871296695380915,0.34756151968587456,1260,28,300,15,27,416,176,349,0.256,0.659,0.085,-0.9971,2,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,2,4,3,20,24,6,5,14,0,27,4,1,3,3,60,62,32,2,9,14,6,3,1,1,4,0,2,2,1,11,20,2,1,13,3,0,5,9,16,0,0,14,5,50,8,43,40,7,46,0,4,0,1,27,13,1,4,26,194,61,3,0.11031134540457874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421073140969496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205740553484393,0.24234366621040354,0.07114169195604028,0.0,0.09501100015616584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287604560645476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398110788428074,0.0,0.07285960326864792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155346144325393,0.07880644719828006,0.10591619071741927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522627182045397,0.10198106129319452,0.1728993751230397,0.0,0.12538495943874906,0.0,0.08822606005322292,0.12161864774180757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742847841430695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809057676911393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440863194092365,0.0,0.18187269163033845,0.08991846956387574,0.12443600244036818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389255132339504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437926223856052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919531451051386,0.17609892694062232,0.0,0.08109153145844411,0.08179446486751282,0.0,0.0,0.11731736729269795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389674899978282,0.0,0.0,0.2449753892083936,0.0,0.0,0.07647599740982633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122262959209904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178674065929105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066827254960648,0.0,0.21783829105430585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772400943892487,0.11044090071978124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124485248046718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423681414021916,0.0,0.0,0.09222522417330233,0.0,0.11532136937776705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866408091670241,0.19283395610593185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328595625474366,0.28273222383339697,0.0,0.0,0.06432343260575064,0.0,0.0,0.10540721782292818,0.0,0.07489416250282255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506448958802832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953883139544296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030797325631621,0.0,0.11241668512915713,0.07836201478829455,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trevis888,2018/01/04,"Do you ever wish you could just start over I know that maybe harming yourself after you fully think about it isnt the best decision it's awful and of course life changing for yourself but everyone else on this planet including me you leave behind but what is the real reason is it because we want to start all over in a sense by ending it? Is there just a thing inside us that wishes to hit the reset button... if only we could CHANGE the things we hated about ourselves. What if we could go back and do things differently or would we make the same mistakes or worse? I can say I wish for more and I have lived quite a life but man these days are hard and it seems they only get harder, since I was a kid I was no stranger to pain but as the days increase does this shitty feeling have to with it?",3.537065439672805,4.710723110429452,4.113634969325155,89.76325408997955,72.49693251533742,6.414928425357875,22.172290388548056,6.42735559955562,0.33686952965235184,629,14,132,4,12,199,105,163,0.193,0.733,0.07400000000000001,-0.9745,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,6,4,1,2,7,5,1,0,10,1,16,3,0,2,2,40,31,13,0,11,10,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,16,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,3,18,1,18,24,5,14,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,5,8,100,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096975048309018,0.0,0.08004572646940689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780237948853613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27781841938563057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145225014922069,0.0,0.0,0.1693689552753997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371916349455849,0.0,0.0,0.1149107959571146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096931616749126,0.0,0.1163022216203045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877796055294587,0.0,0.12547291096328822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639458769715953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860437184629056,0.0,0.07462684328801035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762851069875385,0.12964203783545525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216487483783171,0.0,0.0,0.13903897170880142,0.0,0.0,0.18549712828004625,0.0,0.0,0.1159496705776095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765084896546707,0.0,0.13191915279645736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973526547380904,0.13972374257821615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966499253122447,0.0,0.1494602168659417,0.0,0.1350091724365179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442346409487184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954024377122527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862148998265553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858846451692546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26171079515991275,0.08413853405915367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579504908395671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745039739749845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45300214862565996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338167254133764,0.093279286822205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LakenRuinsEverything,2018/01/04,i dont know what to do i am so broken and numb i havent been able to feel anything for so long that the pain isnt even there im just in an eternal hell also i just had to push away the one person who listened to be so i wouldnt hurt anyone when i leave this purgatory,-0.4799999999999969,0.9808631428571459,2.178015873015873,98.14892857142858,84.23809523809524,4.834920634920637,16.849206349206348,5.46131890053228,-0.8435269841269841,210,4,55,1,6,73,46,63,0.243,0.71,0.047,-0.9136,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,6,12,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,2,6,0,7,8,0,6,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,40,10,0,0.28141879544085424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250505090402408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677456508515487,0.0,0.2315836902124524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264402222056944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298207323588579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858744602648129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422937986635926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012646409614033,0.0,0.303980590783878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546604102369792,0.0,0.0,0.29798187070557786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490467782321129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069665896639384,0.0,0.29944943984943084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457240373499943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonleygut707,2018/01/04,want to understand around this time last year my best friend took his own lif and i cant help but think its somewhat my fault. before he killed himself he called all his close friends and all of them answered well except for me. i was just playing on the computer when he called and i ignored the call thinking i can just call him when im done playing but that wasnt the case. i cant help but think that maybe just maybe if i answered that call he would still be here maybe i could have talked him out of it. maybe if i answered i could have drove to his house and been there for him. when i think about it it just makes me feel like i was a shit friend and he needed a better one then me.,1.2693542074364004,3.1899995753424686,1.651115459882586,101.79931506849316,80.64383561643838,4.719373776908023,18.647749510763205,5.288315135182226,-0.7342880626223091,542,12,131,2,14,163,81,146,0.133,0.6920000000000001,0.174,0.5721,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,13,13,2,0,5,0,14,1,1,1,2,37,25,14,1,7,10,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,9,2,0,2,3,4,1,1,7,1,24,9,11,14,5,14,0,0,0,0,24,4,1,3,9,90,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153603232520372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705517767866853,0.0,0.11969710605590593,0.10087526129904843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.582331174928618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213247772069344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167211992077204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767128285173179,0.08148324306770173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643633840652938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290169361598935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160791720883516,0.0,0.0,0.12320249228836593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261885645211371,0.0,0.0,0.09297270429301796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572310407515274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613477360441735,0.0,0.458347406820981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457275387155884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728882819504783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707916387150916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108707302632256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167570818834876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923357077590897,0.0,0.0,0.06650828809445047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672292257154685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187386701697622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727451634557341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025520727478801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102371475019113,0.0,0.0,0.07344977929252015
suicidewatch,ToxicYaz,2018/01/04,"Help. I'm badly hurt. How do I remove love from my life? I like a girl, but I can't tell her, as im shy as fuck. And she constantly flirts with another guy. He even appears in his Snapchat story. Help. Please. I. Can't. Handle. It. Anymore.",-2.681470588235296,-2.010101647058825,0.18122549019608056,101.33301470588238,124.29411764705885,3.2686274509803925,14.053921568627453,5.46131890053228,-0.8910666666666662,180,5,43,2,12,61,43,51,0.194,0.557,0.249,0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,5,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,5,7,0,4,0,1,0,2,10,1,1,1,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817573518715045,0.0,0.0,0.2664800646377929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435484782137546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903712763968108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747505890205684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484105601449542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660571084729749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602104150826109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287650922152287,0.0,0.2902441420816522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979208574618212,0.13127416691023044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425139393663329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949539768231973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348572884210545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Firunja,2018/01/04,"I feel like an old man with 22 Ironic isn't it? I am not even shure if I count as depressed.  
This should be the best time of my life, but it certainly is the worst I guess.  
I don't inherently want to die, or comit suicide.    
I don't have a massive pile of self hating.    
I just feel empty. Burned. Used.    
Everything that made me happy just feels like coping.   
Running away and hide my eyes like a little child, from the suffering life is.   
I just feel like the veil of coping was took away from me.   
Life seems so pointless. Like an audience hearing the opening of a joke, but the actual gag never drops.       
The fact, that this is all. THIS is life, and I am considered to continue for no good reason.    
I just have oje wish.     
I just want the veil back.    
I want to feel happy about the small things.    
I don't want to work 9-5 and pretend on a few days a year I am ""happy"" or ""free"" or ""in control of my life"".        
I don't want to get older, and continue this suffering. Like I said, I don't think I am inherently suicidal, just I don't care if a lightning would strike me right now.    
Do you remember that feeling in your tummy, when you bought yourself something you really wanted? Or get a gift from a person you love? That sweet little warm feeling?   
My only feeling switch between anger for no good reason, sadness for no good reason and numbness (maybe my body realized that no feeling is better than anger and sadness 24/7).      
I don't know why I write this.    
There is nothing you could tell me to get better.   
My problem is not a bad moment that happened a few weeks/months ago.   
My problem is life and some unchangeable parts woven deep in it. ",1.7703841743119284,3.888186507645262,3.118248279816516,90.90700544724774,79.9480122324159,6.044686544342508,21.83954510703364,7.1686216300943375,0.6475811162079511,1256,38,264,16,32,408,164,327,0.241,0.551,0.208,-0.9117,2,0,1,0,0,2,51.0,0,6,0,5,13,35,3,0,21,0,28,10,2,6,4,64,61,18,3,14,16,0,10,6,0,2,7,2,0,4,15,9,0,1,17,2,2,2,15,13,0,0,5,14,38,23,28,52,7,28,2,5,1,1,15,12,0,9,19,171,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.07963304124024619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233639439246976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333795745445322,0.06274789421313892,0.06813533996127245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563762007031607,0.14434296009774794,0.0,0.09064286088493782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319999441793086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152503046131294,0.06515358826730995,0.0,0.0,0.05262737224645552,0.0,0.07028479552912915,0.0,0.08469133324105399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389820452003801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333977673009529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713496854941374,0.17489222359318912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790305551633974,0.0,0.0,0.20533490819816114,0.0,0.0,0.08989522579590549,0.0,0.07216152131269023,0.2606046641256425,0.0,0.08056635612898007,0.0,0.0,0.0919728404432814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044847034983878965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458329091574825,0.23920347817086554,0.1635758723871538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365015672506545,0.07721500765027453,0.0,0.0,0.08198147469667473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513496885927407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629374892087243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830055919720269,0.0,0.08562892744214251,0.0,0.0,0.06206298048979896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836841268109377,0.0,0.0,0.07125284668862401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561666586997028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227715820675453,0.2517053244952453,0.0,0.0,0.09244062183562864,0.069688765201702,0.07762341733093653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428857191863507,0.08513003021417627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628222006931678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785215126436985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132487371831403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054213600973098366,0.052288094296880964,0.0,0.0,0.04758353560109861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066425960468534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704790433790594,0.0,0.0,0.2887904141237451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363427813977341,0.0,0.09383975815954236,0.0,0.0,0.05940816821632685,0.0,0.0,0.05796863707984504,0.0,0.0,0.05254984435767028
suicidewatch,TheSandSandwich,2018/01/04,"I need to die I'm worth nothing to my friends. Literally every single one always stops caring about me. I'm annoying even though I just try to be who I am. I am the loser to everyone else around me. I'm not smart or attractive. My family life is a mess. The only rlly close relationship I have is with my dad. And just one person is not enough to live for. I thought friends would take the pain away, but I can't keep anyway. I thought hobbies would take the pain away, but I always loose interest. I thought porn or sex would take the pain away but it doesn't. I even have my religion. Im a Christian. But after having that as a last thread of hope I'm starting to lose feeling except for sadness and emptiness. I'm just a shell of who I used to be. I have no purpose in society. This Is the only way",0.4853383458646618,2.692462095238099,2.6084210526315807,92.11026315789472,85.78571428571428,5.679699248120301,21.34210526315789,7.0608816371341465,0.5946499999999997,624,21,137,9,19,210,94,168,0.249,0.677,0.07400000000000001,-0.9805,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,9,15,1,0,10,0,17,6,0,1,0,29,35,10,1,5,12,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,3,1,19,7,21,27,2,11,1,3,0,2,7,6,0,3,4,94,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056923947428552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003137727256243,0.0,0.0,0.3483825185325308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601978043964726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827865307979489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325304031180432,0.0,0.0,0.12771320134006184,0.0,0.1632750085435718,0.0,0.10413944058761992,0.11810635536357972,0.0,0.0,0.116520321582054,0.0,0.06249653975967321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098814206155948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276399689409173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351063262431806,0.0,0.0,0.10986252982846403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007515703326939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730326563467071,0.0,0.0,0.10914222753257044,0.0,0.0,0.13827825790851822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164881052685336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859879736009342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751090266844348,0.18800874277628551,0.3945615479942237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079239026182564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270155812719492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748564845768349,0.0,0.0,0.10333623564560618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27879842438973584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143766655062965,0.2943769182696149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391718094746999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675185298223154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810897239312516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634084882443196,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackGuyin2044,2018/01/04,Would you want your suicide publicized? I frequently browse r/borrow and give out loans and I saw a post about someone who's last post here was about taking their life. Me personally I think that's kind of depressing they went through a lot in life and now they can't even escape in death idk maybe I'm just overly sensitive about these things. If anyone here needs to talk or are in a tough finacial situation please reach out to me.,2.214117647058824,4.929490705882351,2.717941176470589,90.71573529411766,83.11764705882355,6.6941176470588255,20.264705882352946,7.908726449838941,0.9342000000000006,350,10,71,7,10,108,66,85,0.184,0.7609999999999999,0.055,-0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,3,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,13,12,5,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,1,10,1,13,8,1,12,0,1,1,0,10,6,0,3,3,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185128585761248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870494005779526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434396553593548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083305868225131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261505841708697,0.0,0.17702366889270488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067891515324351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463135024321287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817785176815746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102983442880636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962568166049856,0.0,0.2383889716342571,0.0,0.0,0.4159803211300682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24410974226145904,0.0,0.0,0.1840086145848321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375502530731125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328585848671734,0.17455413753149512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427902206797535,0.1391546581584859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809331294636767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132005491777832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154272324995412,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tormawdo,2018/01/04,"Thank you guys Thanks for everything that you’ve guys done for me. I think within this week I’ll die, I hope you guys enjoy life. Theres no other way of convincing me now. I just wrote this to thank you for all the nice comments before. Every single one of you is special, if you are thinking of suicide, please ask for help. This is really just a thank you note though. Guess Ill see you guys on the other side. ",1.875,3.920788642857147,2.6930952380952395,94.45607142857143,79.23809523809524,5.628571428571429,17.642857142857142,6.6274283507984215,-0.2268999999999997,322,6,70,3,8,101,57,84,0.127,0.59,0.28300000000000003,0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,7,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,9,15,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,12,9,10,13,2,6,0,0,1,0,15,3,0,3,2,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387096823205659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625536516091196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398881045518673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183813971038887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250115135491866,0.0,0.13334900450288165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634507139769716,0.5876544397095198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945197990942184,0.0,0.0,0.147368883244246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480096026244948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054207781610668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287012117901845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505219835568088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823488614202485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229709889215574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464114621544066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014416549159352,0.14577672408949324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177723930761922,0.11901669132711767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jack-V,2018/01/04,"im giving up.. i just wrote my suicide note and stopped in the middle, what i'm doing is wrong but i can't stop the thoughts in my head.. i don't know what to do",-1.4344736842105237,0.11689476315789447,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,88.21052631578947,3.8,17.394736842105264,3.1291,-1.188442105263158,123,3,34,0,4,42,28,38,0.172,0.7170000000000001,0.111,-0.3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,8,10,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152369779518849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33725328856999776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35496005714572376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805979385536836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494728830055338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35945093340648665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608832112655075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592883756766119,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SayingWhatIHaveTo,2018/01/04,"I am going to kill myself tomorrow evening. I unfortunately put all of my eggs in to one basket over the past year. My business has failed and I'm left without a job, governmental support or the means to pay for my rent at the end of the week. I won't live a life of homelessness or thievery and that leaves me with few options.

I've put my affairs in order with regards to the few distant friends and family I have, tidied my bedroom, ironed my clothes and put them away and now I'm going to sleep for the final time.

When I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to cook my favourite meal and then take a train to where I grew up. The house I grew up in was demolished a long time ago and replaced with an industrial estate, but there is a beautiful bridge by the park I used to play in which overlooks a train line. I'm going to jump off the bridge after the trains finish for the night, it's more than high enough to kill me, but i'll avoid the train lines, I don't want to put any one else at risk of danger. The railing is low and I'll have a drink to make it look like a drunk accident, a tragedy and a loss, but not a callous action.

I'm not writing this for any sort of comfort or solace, I'm not angry, sad or depressed, I'm just realistic about my situation. I'm calm.

There are a few things I'm going to miss, the sound of rain on my window, the warmth of my log fire, the first breath of cold air when I leave the house, music.",6.729687795648061,4.516851940397351,7.1625922421948935,82.13139072847683,66.01986754966886,10.217975402081363,32.1674550614948,8.418075326091056,2.113828949858089,1114,32,255,12,14,367,165,302,0.182,0.725,0.093,-0.9771,2,1,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,3,9,17,3,2,30,0,10,9,3,2,1,34,32,19,2,1,12,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,6,12,5,2,1,4,2,13,6,11,0,3,1,4,24,6,46,30,6,51,0,6,1,0,4,18,0,6,20,153,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511658435021803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128087428082186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141253634649714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102135276437619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616609523147985,0.0,0.0,0.09906079520075912,0.0,0.10502925051486772,0.12252783302241245,0.0,0.07832288586318685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178940279249916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299017686653504,0.0,0.10086655261025887,0.0,0.0,0.09161685297304842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369669688864234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528934257565433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736574865004669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767522879815233,0.0,0.2623888146270134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511243342987669,0.12884066583691592,0.0,0.08375860789452097,0.05793361419515921,0.0,0.10471087162866402,0.1049421332994224,0.09957976860162744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915500534366122,0.0,0.0,0.1291715398813046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128201691219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070968150693676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320079424344145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47683426193183104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332921459783004,0.11866853732670912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456646757901053,0.0,0.0,0.08915958160445743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878120837345744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829328308946448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241755025944176,0.0,0.0,0.06994326572105447,0.0,0.0951200481064971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430968220090995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636349853219825
suicidewatch,I_prefer_transboys,2018/01/04,"I have to tell my parents I’m wasting another semester at college. Basically I failed out of a school and need to take 12 credits to get back in. I disnt sign up for classes in time and am signed up for 4 credits. Haven’t payed for it yet, so I might drop that class entirely... but I lied to them. They think I’m going to community college and now that I’m there I have to either tell them that I’m not going back (which they guessed all semester as I lied to their face) or I’m killing myself. I’ve lie to them so many times I don’t think I can bear it... I was finally patching things up with my dad he’ll never trust me again.",0.7359898190045264,2.512523198529415,2.8929411764705897,92.95477375565613,81.72058823529412,6.2434389140271485,22.961538461538463,7.321109707123232,0.726301583710407,489,17,115,7,13,166,84,136,0.168,0.805,0.027000000000000003,-0.962,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,6,1,8,5,1,0,1,0,8,1,1,0,2,18,22,8,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,20,3,21,19,2,19,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,3,9,74,27,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727237891968724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333216962812949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23742973794962724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323849710784402,0.0,0.24635839817237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387652169497586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397923759540871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197418796058394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22992849846682464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071108874880927,0.1671644198248246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066580532139006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193539867749276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296264718750764,0.0,0.37888327876124106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439934332815154,0.277758425281198,0.0,0.0,0.2527674434419264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YoungSuicide22,2018/01/04,Why am i still alive Other than pushing to get a job right now I'm looking for a painless or quick way to end it. I have 6 months left in the school year but I don't know if I'll make it. Maybe I should just go kill myself to show that I will. No seriously how can I get some pills or something does drinking bleach help? Cutting myself might leave scars though so any suggestions. Maybe climbing out of my second story window and sitting on the roof for a bit before jumping. Anything I'll even purposely jump in front of a car if I have to I'm fucking sick of everything. I'm sorry for being slow and such a fucking failure ok. I'm sorry to Reddit and all of those who has encouraged me. I'm just not strong enough I'm sorry. I'm sorry.,1.3419230769230737,3.2906324230769286,3.064717948717949,91.6136153846154,80.53846153846155,5.442051282051283,21.93846153846154,6.42735559955562,0.3604184615384618,582,18,125,5,15,193,105,156,0.206,0.7120000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9593,1,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,4,0,7,1,10,5,0,2,1,19,25,11,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,1,2,0,7,3,5,0,1,0,1,11,3,17,21,4,22,0,0,1,2,4,6,2,6,7,75,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954293178901531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547976110148095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194106265562936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320418465302887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280386477726275,0.0,0.0,0.13747012817651744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429086560748726,0.14499856328318278,0.0,0.09268674424591727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611969525455768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594659350849617,0.14663342870734505,0.0,0.07975286130047378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406034522265687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925602607067109,0.0,0.1552545254576364,0.0,0.07712178353164116,0.0,0.0,0.1485893726370987,0.1524691245897106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784198759694578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367146850139857,0.0,0.2819610057804007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886811883247156,0.0,0.0,0.11201019132058217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984118607629232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202160927127502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080330096422519,0.0,0.6283524804913367,0.0,0.0,0.1120678434824258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378736653184188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138754563292118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662613841128198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903680192599245
suicidewatch,Sephiroth_91,2018/01/04,"Best medications for intrusive traumatic memories? suicide isn't an option. Been struggling with battling suicide for years, literally years. I can't stop the thoughts from pouring in of how people have treated me. Forgave forgave forgave, never hurt anyone, taken advantage of constantly, bullied, rejected by every woman I loved, worked for nothing, everything that mattered stolen from me and taken away... and it led to suicide desire to die throughout 90% of each day.

So, just wondering if there are any meds I can get prescribed that can end this torment or at least curb it severely so I can look forward to living for another day, because I can't. What medications do you use and what suggestions do you have? And why do you use them and what are side effects?",8.403529411764708,9.091034058823533,8.045882352941177,67.65647058823532,61.352941176470594,10.917647058823533,42.0,10.686352973137794,4.965708823529411,616,34,93,14,8,196,94,136,0.232,0.625,0.14300000000000002,-0.9611,0,1,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,3,1,4,5,8,1,1,2,0,14,3,0,5,1,23,23,10,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,1,11,4,17,19,3,14,0,2,1,1,7,5,0,4,9,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339867603862372,0.1594368529418992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631634218007764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285523691140725,0.0,0.0,0.09268778647309094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595662640453255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431117834519934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611832204104745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157803073359542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467046848539593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810801632324195,0.0,0.1366520247658771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943943604834182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277182287939487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426223712555352,0.0,0.127683040900593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372303474258381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889239404263975,0.30634716314870386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726972343676972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589531672527448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541177666745946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177232696551925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711994694970016,0.0,0.15895484656042988,0.0,0.4989514678400528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071008780174775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626433951866228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720076128681072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648908810623906,0.11069363497341453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195829410799408
suicidewatch,Ehjustzach,2018/01/04,"Its over I'm done, this is what needs to be done, tonight is the night",2.4662500000000023,2.1944881249999995,2.45,105.995,74.0,6.4,22.25,3.1291,-0.6591750000000003,54,1,16,0,1,16,14,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8633907434130773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31279379124484963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958743087739939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VIIIXVIIIMCMXCI,2018/01/04,I just want to end this It’s unfair I’m in so much pain and my feelings don’t matter it’s so I want to kill these people ( who are supposed to be family ) I don’t have any family  money I’m worthless can’t get s job to save my life invaluable I’m looking for my knife cause I’m gonna drudge up courage to do this I know I can I want it sooo bad I just want non of this bullshit to matter anymore how does a family complete rally around an abusive man and I’m the bad guy for being angry and not wanting a relationship with this piece of shit my mother is a toxic narcissistic cunt ass fucktard bitch and all I ever wanted since I was fourteen was get away from her I can’t do this anymore someone is cursing me I feel like nothing good ever happens to me and I can’t take this pain anymore it hurts so much ,-0.3294886363636351,1.848654119318184,2.2800000000000007,92.965,90.1931818181818,4.563636363636364,19.93181818181818,6.11248444174946,0.06867954545454548,639,21,140,6,22,220,102,176,0.307,0.611,0.08199999999999999,-0.9944,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,4,0,5,0,16,5,2,2,3,27,36,9,1,6,3,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,12,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,10,0,0,2,3,19,4,17,31,4,7,0,2,1,1,6,4,4,0,4,88,31,1,0.0,0.14680481019032307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425829797444069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686354868856999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029995095191727,0.0,0.0,0.11641095979212004,0.0,0.20690768162893028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728252548874353,0.0,0.0,0.12990995226899285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842836205458416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974129357092924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224154738528596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35041420203890394,0.0,0.12529817295807755,0.08851633757940051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294684212587487,0.0,0.0,0.10392396915932092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268346333855155,0.10956702561484173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264073854187314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295462231958178,0.0,0.137080326644981,0.0,0.06809385585894298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751636266074098,0.060532753798104424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404732554279678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821659427266472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188882831064652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636830842864654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589874869523731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302546705759086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718466279200294,0.10249385312014764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498262123199044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315964620856657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384872453631687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRealJVP,2018/01/04,"How do i overcome my depression about school and girls?PLEASE HELP Hey everyone, I'm Jake and I'm 23 years old. I'm already started to give on my life now since September and i don't care about my life because its shitty, i have 2 speech impediments, no girls talk go me in school or anywhere, etc. I have so much anxiety and depression that Im losing my mind lately, plus I'm not eating enough and sleeping enough too because i don't feel like eating alot because i feel so upset at just everything in my life. I'm never happy anymore at all and i don't feel like living at times now too because of my problems while other peoples have fun in college, have friends and get married in a few years and have kids ,etc. My cousin just got engaged and most of my cousins are in relationships. I have a Speech Impediment called Verbal Apraxia with Stuttering which i had my whole life since i was born . i only had one relationship for almost 3 years in the past. I have been very depressed lately because i don't have a girlfriend like my twin brother and some cousins and friends that i have. i have good social skills because my nick name is the mayor Jake everywhere i go because i know and talk to everyone but i never talk to girls due to problems listed in this post.

I have some social anxiety too which makes me super scared to talk to girls because of my Verbal Apraxia with the stutter and it makes me very depressed. As i type this I'm having alot of anxiety and I'm about have a panic/anxiety attack too, when i have anxiety i have irrational thoughts like people are out to get me and other things like that . i feel like no girls will like me or give me a chance because of it if i approach them in real life because i can't even say my name correctly. when i talk, it sounds like a moderate deaf person and i hate it so much all of my life. Also i used tinder which my twin brother met his girlfriend on and have no luck even after many dates with different girls, now i am getting more depressed to the point of crying and not going out of the house too at times. My family is not the greatest at times too.I live with my mom and grandmother who makes everyone crazy which includes me. Every girl i talk to on tinder stop talking to me within a few replies too so i don't have idea what to do now too like what am i doing wrong? but my friend said i suck talking to girls too  which is true so im trying to improve that right now. I think i will never have kids or a wife/ girlfriend because of my speech impediments because i sound like a deaf person. 

Lately I'm thinking I'm ugly too which i kinda believe that i am ugly because no girls like me while my family and other people says I'm not ugly. also I'm in community college so I'm missing the college experience of staying on campus making friends and meeting girls like everyone else is at my age because of my grades and possibly future degree in funeral directing. I am at home doing the online program for funeral directing while All my cousins and my brother and everyone at my age went away to college and im home missing out on everything when you stay at college like meeting girls and parties Also i live at home too that doesn't help me in meeting girls unlike everyone at college campuses. Im too scared to approach any girls because of my speech problems because I'm afraid of them not understanding me. i just can't do it due to anxiety because of my speech impediments and afraid of getting rejected. Also some of my anxiety is from school too because I'm very behind in my classes as of today because I have no motivation to do it because of how i feel sick almost all the time from all of my anxiety and depression too. Also due to all of this, i just got a new gym membership to go with my guy friends and i used it a couple times then i stopped going with them because i feel like my speech impediments make me awkward around girls and people . all my life i felt like people say things to pretend so i think they understand me sometimes. I only have 3-10 male friends while every other guy have female friends and stuff at my age. I don't know where to start or what to do at this point in time because i tried Tinder and that didn't worked for me. Plus when i message girls on tinder, they almost never respond back. i can talk to guys easily and other people easily but not attractive girls at all , let alone approaching girl to get their numbers.i can see myself being forever alone because of my speech impediments.Also i have been in speech therapy too for a long time when i was little and I'm not in it now. So i need help and advice right now from my fellow Redditors Thanks for your help and advice everyone !

tl;dr:i have Verbal Apraxia with stuttering which are speech impediments and i can't talk to girls due to the fear of not being understood and rejected of my speech impediments. Im scared of being forever alone while my friends and everyone is married and have kids in a few years while I'm not. To be honest, I'm almost 100% sure most girls will not date me because of my speech impediments and have a family. What should i do at this point in time? Also should i try to approach and talk to girls that i like ? Because i want to over come this fear of talking to girls because i think they will not like me of my speech impediment.

Edit- I’m getting regular therapy weekly now, also I’m seeing the same therapist that I saw years ago when I was younger too and im going to the gym too now. I made a tinder account too this week but almost every girl that i talk to stops talking to me or never respond to my first message. Im not in speech class right now i had it when i was little tho also im not working now too so im at home doing the online funeral program.",4.744973163161255,5.51448131406385,5.725126004280453,80.82543493607342,69.33649698015533,8.574705018881032,30.15117152045539,8.729453397940006,2.3216512017749293,4589,175,891,74,77,1517,330,1159,0.199,0.7390000000000001,0.062,-0.9994,1,5,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,2,7,7,68,67,3,9,30,0,80,13,1,11,16,158,157,91,3,8,27,9,7,17,12,6,10,21,4,30,47,57,2,3,19,3,1,12,34,30,0,2,20,31,138,37,133,126,28,144,0,11,3,0,102,56,1,20,90,603,185,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638681884388139,0.02557516614348803,0.0,0.1444533430953414,0.089644541473714,0.03183841266331297,0.20765323091151208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01962004940037071,0.0,0.17657090858282504,0.0,0.028612993763617707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025684004288711704,0.0,0.03282281337204132,0.027106989302807888,0.022185067878115004,0.0,0.4572787050685026,0.0,0.0,0.032505826900130125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029460667413935493,0.0,0.0294160871335518,0.0,0.0,0.024853063283329948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03192370113507188,0.0316920826646196,0.0,0.0,0.14909883231937984,0.0,0.0,0.030143738288103437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059044695067199865,0.02410177529289365,0.0,0.0,0.05962274566131786,0.06435422943225996,0.03811236506914332,0.0,0.0729260481412725,0.220551207328291,0.051859841523805975,0.028222360764535125,0.0815960459666574,0.06493204990120034,0.08752929037183035,0.08244623771415585,0.027702021053224186,0.0,0.0,0.02454112124432719,0.0,0.0,0.1783251425691416,0.0,0.09044249226308383,0.055354088520058985,0.09838203477493378,0.02419931873543181,0.04615045455246813,0.0,0.0,0.08570273797986465,0.0,0.030713020920098238,0.0,0.028484941237112437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735436700946496,0.0,0.1157618638750202,0.0,0.0,0.03329082526283711,0.0,0.03256989815147079,0.2804817108828476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0317121244537708,0.0,0.09763744530557056,0.0,0.0,0.029502673707509062,0.14265096495133972,0.239622043442326,0.057833683148063524,0.07642936522776125,0.025532721703007164,0.0,0.03227751444354211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02730004261357055,0.09629319794144453,0.02925095227288205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029131849813682574,0.03379059705892129,0.0,0.0,0.04241843095912173,0.0213930653325922,0.1112605042514168,0.027865015351548075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030274857689747574,0.0,0.01955056298116116,0.04388582125823789,0.0,0.03385108792980625,0.0,0.0,0.02754207757269857,0.12001222906319495,0.050384136714664414,0.0,0.03167034768948892,0.08182214636812353,0.032525797610587416,0.027631818099343116,0.0,0.0,0.08282113607947672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032839390415290895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061951553684814226,0.0,0.07391722092331413,0.027444439435188008,0.06883175291397636,0.08665633090144523,0.08759795369270112,0.04598191400655074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773261529829722,0.0,0.02887239513056915,0.05882106183093137,0.0,0.0,0.028534929464566688,0.0,0.04084256374655373,0.0615038458876021,0.0,0.07236358533238772,0.0,0.0,0.03302813224237934,0.0,0.0,0.027192252800031774,0.0,0.0,0.3246570620993301,0.0,0.0265626390873303,0.06598854403466713,0.03349888359314735,0.03833538742893418,0.07394765582113727,0.0,0.022904915000156324,0.13458860800718705,0.0,0.027347904293812654,0.0,0.0,0.05876494383994786,0.0,0.0,0.06007098059747783,0.0,0.04983696683231937,0.0,0.07141667296653684,0.017017396945417294,0.0,0.046285960468333866,0.0,0.0,0.026745684132968562,0.0,0.03221173514072253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200855696979587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03154465044146396,0.0,0.0928972899153626
suicidewatch,Hurting123123,2018/01/04,"It doesn't get better Nothing gets better. Things will happen to get your hopes up and then blow up in the worst possible way and the worst possible time.

Things only ever get worse and I regret not killing myself earlier.",3.8935714285714313,6.440724785714291,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,74.95238095238095,7.057142857142857,22.404761904761905,8.07648339933343,1.3932190476190478,179,5,31,3,4,56,32,42,0.33,0.5589999999999999,0.11,-0.9117,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,2,1,7,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,8,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,7,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38003264726044395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943430599034618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44899856792607107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999010382100706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339335804365075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376983891362443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615323929573687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340221065467514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844195305451997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28547202137708416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528007592646856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705369945819056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894930475342225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Holy_Focaccia,2018/01/04,"I’m being completely suffocated by suicidal thoughts I just keep getting into the shower when things get bad and slice up my arm and I don’t even feel anything anymore. I just do it without thinking. It’s not enough to take my mind off the worst of it anymore.

I genuinely believe I’m just drifting through other people’s lives; people don’t really know I exist, and I have never mattered to them. Including my family and colleagues and “friends.” 

I truly believe I don’t matter or mean a thing to anyone. I can’t find anything but this hurtful truth everywhere.

I really don’t want to be alive anymore.

I’m lying in bed so fucking numb, wondering what the hell would be the point in waking up. 

There’s hundreds of sedative anti depressants in mine and my boyfriends drawers ",3.994259163655137,6.202635818791951,5.035704697986579,79.37335054207539,73.36241610738256,7.537635518843572,31.59576664945792,8.384062270229773,2.7549933918430565,623,30,106,11,13,204,96,149,0.21600000000000005,0.701,0.083,-0.9781,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,2,0,5,0,11,4,2,0,2,29,26,10,1,2,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,8,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,1,1,16,2,16,21,2,11,1,2,0,1,2,8,2,2,2,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511256034077041,0.10602250617848916,0.0,0.24955545667969456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660386214184796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416678659058173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589800973886892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059781559607056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667326608961188,0.0,0.10014950917727222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294230476192565,0.0,0.07666816664766997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858613787083265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714817139966628,0.14017854580173966,0.15843976432118567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232195580698244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347748015748278,0.0,0.0,0.08333132024874114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389116454995198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516840737179053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531020420786444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694561459390075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024088138926755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433383939609828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427481053260814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585749031958658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400612014903147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147110934538645,0.09715772587008363,0.0,0.12037647051560205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943469913065995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616492281232313,0.16443515735899505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077128747222656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ruraii,2018/01/04,"I just want to go to sleep forever what is the point of trying life is the absolute worst, my existence is pointless anyway i really should have never existed to begin with everyone wouldve been better off
",2.638461538461538,5.583778487179494,4.698153846153846,75.27184615384617,84.64102564102564,9.273846153846154,23.18461538461539,9.3871,3.1376215384615387,167,6,27,6,5,57,33,39,0.099,0.799,0.102,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35443946053945785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829431467038696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277610201109365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28306848650732336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090906505969075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788475318101128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567369789394676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010492067801751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720895859974335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23637850325749696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Epjnephrjne,2018/01/04,"Feel like killing myself for 2days straight; not sure what to do. I have had these thoughts in the past; but they normally dont last this long...
I took a bunch of Ativan and Hydros and drank a little last night... it felt better while it lasted; but i ended up passing out and waking up at a truck stop feeling the exact same way...

Im scared to go to the hospital because my second semester of classes is starting next week and i dont want to run the risk of being placed in an inpatient clinic while classes start.

Idk why i feel this way, and i dont know why the feeling is so strong. 
Can someone help?",4.293353658536585,4.7903470650406526,4.892428861788621,87.37083841463415,70.21951219512195,7.450813008130081,27.570121951219512,7.1686216300943375,1.2747243902439032,471,15,99,4,8,151,84,123,0.125,0.731,0.145,0.5537,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,1,7,1,2,9,0,10,3,1,0,2,22,23,10,1,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,7,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,5,5,9,4,14,17,2,29,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,15,62,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602545115179952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480918503379825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.496174818775437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499044641274025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854180785213473,0.10081616672141078,0.1354973447159426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020175648401859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458977119239023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243383222630436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612838763091816,0.0,0.07755586948930114,0.34509494113130035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894411095060965,0.1414393283192186,0.0,0.12488677224963456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500827366387829,0.1324315740936929,0.13826765182085185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471502212387584,0.0,0.0,0.1474403795305373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128575333200966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957053053037925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997709455355985,0.0,0.0,0.11798265125163583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300394379781658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203352843832776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678952884561273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323624098223932,0.2240289981959803,0.11319796358967073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546777269623288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,r0guewizard,2018/01/04,"I think I'm done I'm sitting here with eight 2mg Flunitrazepam or 'roofies' and a Guinness, along with a lightweight 1mg Xanax hoping it will do the trick. I don't know what to do any more, the pain just never ends, I keep disappointing myself and everyone else and I just cant achieve my goals. I don't like this life. I don't like regular people. I don't like this milennium. I'm just afraid that my belief in a next life won't hold up. Fuck guys, if you're sitting with the same feeling you know what it is. Motherfucking world, motherfucking everyone. This is my third time here, and I haven't been this suicidal for such a long time since I actually almost died when I was 14, and I'm not over dramatizing it like a little bitch, but I had final regrets.",3.7461013986013967,4.690033621794871,4.842191142191144,85.60583916083918,71.75641025641025,8.493240093240093,26.361305361305362,8.841846274778883,1.6943410256410258,599,19,131,11,11,197,94,156,0.17800000000000002,0.774,0.048,-0.9367,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,7,12,3,1,8,0,16,5,0,0,1,28,27,9,2,3,7,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,10,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,4,1,16,5,9,21,2,15,1,2,0,1,2,5,2,4,12,80,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.176571867859535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118581585656726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304577317418153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778771561382346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516499552780394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115260493321955,0.0,0.16025961408176026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457928835502324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148897461479563,0.0,0.0,0.198211519293858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672766153041183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915958386386616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971478482880304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082826731279706,0.0,0.0,0.1988803795945779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556073115136866,0.35359363635422764,0.18134995772053591,0.0,0.16012668567125835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955250050600002,0.0,0.19243231898413454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925334937861139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544138918052186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967588600703968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791958494658385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115939393159201,0.0,0.0,0.2110157700771165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MikadoH,2018/01/05,"So, I finally ended up posting here tl;dr: I feel like shit, really want to die but probably won't commit suicide (today) 

I hope this isn't against the guidelines but I'll try to ease my pain by getting stuff off my chest. 

I'll be probably getting kicked out of college. This isn't that bad since it's even free in my country. The problem is the feeling of a complete failure.

I love my family and especially my parents but instead of helping me through these tough times, they always think I am just slacking off. So I just get nonstop scolding ""You will actually have to work until you get to another college in october!"" and ""You just played games for my money the whole semester instead of learning!"". 

But I didn't enjoy my free time. I am failing because when I realised, this is just too much for me, I started to freak out and get really depressed. I didn't talk about it because I felt like I have no right to be depressed. 

So, I had my awful migraines and problems with waking up everyday but I made myself to go to school. I just couldn't learn in the free time. I couldn't do anything I enjoyed either. I just sat in my room, stared at a wall or maybe watch youtube to forget. Anything else wasn't enjoyable. But I didn't tell anyone. 

This all was just getting worse. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. And now the end of the semester is finally here and I told my parents I won't make it. They just shouted at me, then my school started and they called me every day just to shoit at me more. Just repeating how lazy I am and how I will have to find a job. I actually got a heart arrhythmia now, I will see a doctor next week. 

I think they don't know I have the depressions so their reactions kinda make sense but I just can't tell them. I never want to do it when I am calm and I can't do it when I am getting shouted at because they always think I am just saying bullshit in the heat of the moment.

So here I am. The last possibility to not get kicked out is write a giant exam on monday from a class I don't understand at all. Got finally home today and parents just told me I am a lazy idiot if I didn't go to all classes from this subject.  And I couldn't take it and said how much trouble I had attending anything at all. They just got extremely mad because they think I didn't go to school at all now (which is not true) and how I am just a slacker who isn't even able to start to study now when the test is on monday. 

I really wanted to tell them the reason why I had trouble attending classes. How I felt like shit everyday and wanted to die. But I couldn't. I just wanted to cry.  And I just remembered how they never understand that I can feel like shit even if I look happy. That's always what they say. ""Oh but you were laughing a few minutes ago, there is NO WAY you are sick/sad"". Goddammit, that's how I am dealing with it! I can't be nonstop sad when I feel depressed because then I would never snap out of it. 


Ok, sorry for the paragraphs, I feel already better. I guess I will try to tell them today or tomorrow about my depression because now they just think I am an ungrateful asshole who isn't willing to study even if it's really important. ",2.6327050767141458,4.146614594180703,4.159351613742094,87.18670808171284,75.33996937212864,7.072252882198273,26.715854257563056,7.771483598077405,1.4902369268109448,2482,94,519,35,53,827,251,653,0.195,0.69,0.115,-0.9963,4,0,0,0,0,3,68.0,0,5,14,3,53,39,5,0,25,2,64,12,7,11,10,115,114,49,3,18,35,3,7,4,0,8,3,5,2,0,24,21,1,0,20,2,4,5,30,20,0,0,21,16,98,22,64,76,11,75,0,7,4,1,40,26,3,8,46,375,122,16,0.060046021044799336,0.0,0.11719250959411084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322717468662063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626227736183726,0.0,0.14988929908718446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296348857449392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198557405405325,0.0,0.14823827720190524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050135919448432834,0.21962098261135224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053105826025982725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061313701034362574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295711064211447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659577345737808,0.0387247160905148,0.061904811085251865,0.2585877496979457,0.0,0.12463657960075634,0.0,0.0,0.06145964690712068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061442070034417214,0.050160745645797984,0.0,0.10636590408482216,0.0,0.0,0.1586393223703125,0.0,0.050591362493895474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660604468201603,0.0,0.15180536210656634,0.08579377886433392,0.11530719335309925,0.19733244308476935,0.05488097540955518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509725415022699,0.0,0.1023766125625724,0.0,0.14407286501381927,0.0,0.06614746182911728,0.0,0.0,0.06392010595341327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115482404840649,0.04024758219052782,0.0,0.06023105496123424,0.059639247464968535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958641063392117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032999722827108564,0.04894552138718202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734181136324673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050423534700793284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419387834611423,0.05681699696463936,0.08016237062479678,0.0,0.06032429887327824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828146890331798,0.0,0.13893357944858267,0.0,0.06385962458840068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389319995092975,0.0,0.200022001208244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769286664756305,0.05750748990763248,0.0,0.12947953306523027,0.11491186549519615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538680745901647,0.061737310284736585,0.0,0.0,0.0680204365715117,0.05127897388637365,0.0571175164140656,0.0955020120112726,0.0,0.18230933700421334,0.047848904588153086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490913315393429,0.04967068910671836,0.0,0.06008938556308222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721660451950327,0.1275026482520496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873832821162547,0.06568060115942878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514713500616726,0.048262717212957884,0.20993147611466054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237532866721802,0.0,0.0,0.10503995324559748,0.0,0.17074982086054458,0.11475309264801299,0.0,0.08153461353015899,0.0,0.0,0.12502005108860953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770834947549154,0.04766173659314081,0.04816529616198262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541821944318106,0.06703923812948336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371421846527301,0.0,0.06119202531974347,0.04265497054571783,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,connorg_,2018/01/05,"Can't do this anymore. Kill me just cant
need to die
worthless",-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.6545999999999994,50,2,12,0,2,16,13,14,0.385,0.456,0.159,-0.6656,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064558870255601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300036974816857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.564990139809276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786616657006484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,humanlvl1,2018/01/05,"That's all folks I always doubted whether suicide always wrong. Maybe sometimes it's the right choice. I think it is for me.

I have barely kept my head above the water before, but now that I have done what I did to my friend I can't possibly go on. I really hope she's ok.

I really didn't think I'd kill myself now. I went through some much agony and just as it all seemed to get I have this on my conscience.

She deserves a better friend. I betrayed her and deserve everything happening to me.

So goodbye, folks. For all the pain I've experienced I was never mad at the world and kept my faith in humanity. There is so much power and beauty in each of you. Life can be beautiful and exciting and fulfilling. I hope you can find yourself and be at peace.",1.8093073593073608,3.9203816623376646,3.3555584415584434,89.2909567099567,79.77922077922078,6.704069264069265,22.604329004329003,7.793537801064563,1.0440541991341994,592,19,125,10,15,195,95,154,0.105,0.6,0.295,0.9912,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,2,0,2,6,13,2,1,5,1,14,4,1,0,4,25,25,12,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,8,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,7,1,25,8,14,16,7,13,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,5,3,88,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910456411319486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488188466468924,0.0,0.0,0.15467634391882387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789735968836714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571802119168396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984665454399713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702397739323178,0.0,0.0913730141505412,0.0,0.09939424302351202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465500057236745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794880033068282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34741125191944006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349031222463084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353025959623212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570091075543984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25712913003307114,0.0,0.13488625589559028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860957132057209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971626449668012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407853341544126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935544353970612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921364909717348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297107466916534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130170856885587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241254093957142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212515026491472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912151944758991,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itgetsbetteriguess,2018/01/05,"today? i'm pretty sure today is the day, hoping someone can give me a good reason not to because i don't want to go but it feels like my only choice. i've tried thinking of my family but it doesnt work anymore. its hard to live for someone else. please help me ",-0.2721428571428568,1.920243214285719,2.0692857142857157,94.47571428571429,90.07142857142857,3.9142857142857146,16.92857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.6031142857142857,204,5,44,1,7,69,46,56,0.044,0.6709999999999999,0.284,0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,11,2,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,5,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099834538940048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907121670197766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655105708418872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687677363611565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960418097364413,0.0,0.10705918472454376,0.1512629707573433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311475951488914,0.1203334379817601,0.1775926200497446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967227439096845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192098607910747,0.0,0.0,0.21029985774490187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034426459342687,0.0,0.18696519749077925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103341721091172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324205935528107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540982396262898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769804486649924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588034389967666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955699879856464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567074023228884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013985707206469,0.0,0.0,0.14375363838007674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488633018987552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541450356172989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuantumFall,2018/01/05,"When does it end I keep hitting myself and different things more and it seems like it’s getting worse. I decide random, trivial occurrences are great opportunities for me to hurt myself. If I get a phone call while I’m doing something, I’ll start punching myself. I’m doing terrible in school and might fail my senior year. Not even enrolled in school anymore as I’m doing it from home. I just want to yell fuck as loud as I can and just disappear. My one friend probably hates me. My teacher comes over to test me on my finals tonight. My FUCKING PHONE IS FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW AND ITS MAKING ME SO MAD. I can’t even type on a suicidal sub Reddit without getting pissed. I started coming off of my antidepressant not long ago and it’s caused rage, depression, insomnia, and other hellish things. I just wanna fucking jump off a roof and die painlessly. FUCK ",2.9765775401069514,5.5611000909090915,3.857112299465242,84.69625668449201,78.39393939393939,6.549019607843138,26.06951871657754,7.724431198458867,1.6829144385026742,685,27,125,11,17,219,109,165,0.281,0.622,0.096,-0.9905,1,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,8,18,9,0,3,0,8,6,1,2,0,27,28,15,2,3,7,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,9,11,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,14,0,1,0,2,21,4,19,26,1,25,1,3,0,4,4,9,5,4,13,82,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033932086015775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463326955420038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862184467500235,0.0,0.0,0.1394585966894074,0.0,0.2338831927840256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692626694773353,0.0,0.14089308169928216,0.14183591118919597,0.0,0.0,0.11880081068002205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023933954418238,0.0,0.0,0.17933084395476756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871383727271156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488459013650114,0.5020161782017574,0.21278039866440548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967124278565036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403074153981268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617413081569568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453293858671285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066598782560554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632342394224107,0.0,0.0,0.12013960621849715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061804704386392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401544474015604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919916397956899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636770753001066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593470681514685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27478422354396004,0.0,0.12358697675550953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451144309652433,0.0,0.0,0.19217730027139746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849480521458744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038023535122166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007228495525015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086374151929367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834675262007656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742228078162748
suicidewatch,tmg323,2018/01/05,"Recent events After Logan Paul posted his suicide video on YouTube and then subsequently made the news everywhere, my family has been talking about it a lot. Obviously, my feelings toward it are different from my family (i.e. I want to die) and hearing it around the house has been so uncomfortable. I feel so much shame and guilt and during dinner the conversation came up. 

Based on my family's disgust towards this (one, that Logan is a horrible person) and two, their idea of suicide in general makes me feel alone. Suicide in their eyes is this: those feeling this way should defiantly seek help. No other option there. But also, the people who do end up killing themselves are weak and selfish. They are a burden on their families and society. Granted they say that help is there and that everyone should feel loved, I feel like I can never share how I feel. Ever.

Not sure why I'm even writing this. Most of it is rambling. This just makes my thoughts of ending my life more and more conflicted (good?). I hate myself and everything there is to it. But I don't want to devastate my family and go down as the loser. ",4.683853081902623,6.718642057416272,5.2956149732620315,78.99283422459895,71.00956937799043,8.554010695187166,27.60512243174782,9.168548406835145,2.469093216999719,886,32,157,19,17,285,131,209,0.235,0.68,0.085,-0.9907,1,1,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,0,5,1,12,14,3,2,8,0,17,5,1,4,4,45,36,19,5,4,4,0,7,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,16,13,1,1,9,1,0,2,4,9,0,2,5,10,22,5,21,29,5,23,0,1,1,1,17,11,0,3,9,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348731112349215,0.0,0.08762759537033372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754554614342556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532533465635892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372220891332853,0.11448321613191205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941029769003033,0.0,0.0,0.07237367319552176,0.09911743478444664,0.0,0.10470421458427673,0.09847951486627192,0.0,0.5164907814147341,0.0,0.3878331324964943,0.07828085522506174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062274358292852786,0.09190684348950984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818325361589826,0.0,0.0,0.12349970386548267,0.0,0.14689247618280402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643557037778713,0.0,0.12369755382797926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122920466150408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739651122736682,0.05353312016771098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315728604250816,0.09889628831025644,0.1036831148502002,0.14628517387724413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055069933688808,0.0,0.08451148449751138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425128581865928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596594814594647,0.09567721756994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049431684069935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819271982653944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871389426473257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595738780957484,0.0,0.10327373879994943,0.0,0.0,0.08807274440935615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699081412476509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070394730042642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926109654247026,0.08697603838904293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988749667921657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway150222757,2018/01/05,"I’m absolutely nothing. I’m a nobody. I’ve literally accomplished nothing that I’m proud of within my lifetime. I don’t even have any friends. Last person I trusted as a friend manipulated me and humiliated me at their own advance. I’ve been abused for years (physically and sexually) on end, I’m just tired of everything my mind can’t comprehend anymore of this. I don’t deserve this I’ve never done anybody harm, I’m always nice to people it just gets thrown back in my face. I’m gonna save the world my trouble by ending my life soon.",2.2754797979797985,4.650637675925932,4.627979797979798,79.36954545454545,79.64814814814815,7.2606060606060625,27.410774410774412,8.296473431620573,2.1478037037037043,431,19,83,9,11,150,75,108,0.14400000000000002,0.672,0.185,0.6904,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,5,8,0,0,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,8,14,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,11,6,11,11,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,44,15,1,0.0,0.25456907310613425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877729603995604,0.0,0.0,0.14610935969363573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130792900878825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521090218916493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198721519344244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805970574070622,0.0,0.0,0.14191027614225593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930986024610505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33199422522301714,0.0,0.11225332451172884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513621092676912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175905541025447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169431807285816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657100928100456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123200049692585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895400776019488,0.18760385878429867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469452166182913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836013630578542
suicidewatch,Goodbyeworld2,2018/01/05,"Done I don't even know why I'm typing thing. Buying some xans and oxys from a ""friend"" and on Monday I'm skipping work and downing them with my Mom's wine that she's so fucking posessive over. Probably coping a helium tank too idk I'm just ready for this bullshit to be over finally",1.5283615819209049,3.7131391525423725,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,81.20338983050847,5.967231638418079,21.69774011299436,7.1686216300943375,0.6869299435028244,226,7,47,3,6,74,49,59,0.095,0.8590000000000001,0.046,-0.4019,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,8,6,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,2,28,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458194681792865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319941744749505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701855309845416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610836920344954,0.3124106150755424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571735685421226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957792472375579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36434543365070904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245055148437804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049290441364159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601688786455314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biggestbummer,2018/01/05,"Severe Heartbreak. I Think It’s Time I’m 32. This isn’t my first breakup or even my longest relationship, but I loved her more than anyone I’ve ever known. She’s with someone else now, and I honestly don’t think I can continue without her.

It’s been 16 days since the “Goodbye” text. In that 16 days, I’ve forced myself to be around friends, continued taking my anti-depressants, and have continued therapy. Nothing is working. She’s on my mind every waking second. No activity, no matter how intensive or engaging can stop the thoughts of them.

I need to silence my aching head. I’ve written a note, and am looking into suicide options. I plan on doing it on Monday by hanging myself in my closet. Every second is crippling pain, and I can’t live with it any more.

Learn from my mistakes. If you love someone, tell them while it still means something. 

Goodbye world. ",2.1842168674698783,4.933124831325305,3.498807228915662,84.76110240963857,83.81927710843374,5.729638554216868,26.974698795180725,7.1686216300943375,1.7169768674698802,686,31,121,10,20,223,112,166,0.185,0.69,0.125,-0.882,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,2,3,6,8,0,0,3,0,12,5,2,1,1,27,23,10,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,7,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,3,0,3,3,1,23,5,16,19,2,22,0,1,1,2,12,8,0,4,13,82,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227361371289164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544170960984892,0.0,0.0,0.1469739406495371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129515925584198,0.0,0.14220032752612885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791980610294127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904694647142052,0.1493423385617639,0.2782076229453417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043391586031226,0.0,0.0,0.1275557961370745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944015920166045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457862626948168,0.0,0.13864235946701714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980182649692569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798422241447074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667038642961609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224195058979173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584178353155582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567796560988502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772555375724712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651592673282674,0.0,0.13657236794230054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797772693282451,0.12710199193477467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184901712559532,0.13803093391353138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059252628737368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413460019359812,0.0,0.14430461563056782,0.0,0.18880615821192515,0.0,0.0,0.21157873701580387,0.0,0.13107090233960264,0.0962710967057326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915044062474398,0.0,0.12019471515127145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phantomreign,2018/01/05,"Suicidal thoughts all day. Please help me. Hi. I've been having suidical thoughts all day and the words ""I want to die"" repeating in my mind. I don't feel like myself right now. I feel numb. I don't want to die, I just want it all to stop. The thoughts, the horrible thoughts. Someone please help me. ",0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,0.7766666666666673,101.36833333333333,95.5,4.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.2641666666666671,231,9,53,3,9,70,36,60,0.299,0.517,0.184,-0.912,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,3,17,13,1,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,2,9,1,4,8,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282335706070078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672880586656228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789403942943707,0.12641164650701678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372089538415791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644782742347709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866698119132965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884714119529165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111257729811006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992741868306622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793640433875965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935523308575395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5619076088467062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131054456978801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alexthers,2018/01/05,"Lonely pathetic drunk Feeling so worthless right now. What is the point? I gave up school, gave up my job(s)...

If anyone wants to talk to me, I can only do so through WhatsApp. Send me a PM and I will send you my number. I feel like I could use a chatting partner. Will listen to you as well.",-0.2530000000000001,2.0096740333333365,1.495000000000001,97.7025,92.0,3.6666666666666665,19.166666666666664,5.148860815047168,-0.4558333333333331,222,7,49,1,8,72,45,60,0.184,0.701,0.115,-0.7501,1,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,7,13,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,11,2,7,8,0,7,0,2,0,0,10,4,0,1,2,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22500935727443827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569303327771855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254225074015804,0.22989328448333354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193358733589832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721474667864874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474265584522945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30420408892819256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748146051548805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256777886902709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25864986307975113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779310326686182,0.0,0.0,0.18980539976620006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28933596586227395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Destruktias,2018/01/05,"easiest, calmest way to die i really, truly want to die.

you wouldn't have known if i didnt make this post so just give me an easy way out please.",0.5355208333333329,2.1886123437500022,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,81.8125,6.7666666666666675,16.916666666666664,7.793537801064563,-0.034970833333333395,113,2,29,2,3,37,28,32,0.181,0.463,0.35600000000000004,0.6779,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237217765006754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882571204353287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005792215044884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32984747729517894,0.0,0.0,0.2877860888206332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925014091720421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723662233236318,0.4770295063328364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dawidjama,2018/01/05,is cutting helps? i want to do it tonight. tell me about your experience in cutting yourself,1.9056862745098044,4.572556823529414,2.5847058823529423,86.62450980392158,98.41176470588236,4.619607843137255,35.07843137254902,6.42735559955562,2.5248196078431384,74,5,13,1,3,23,16,17,0.159,0.635,0.206,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6164499823189595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42240529214693817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508167303023789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37170434229937466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BleatingSheep123,2018/01/05,"I'm getting institutionalised I made a plan to kill myself. If I were to carry it out there would be a literal 0% chance of survival. I'm giving myself one more chance to get better, so I'm telling my councillor about it. I'm 15, a minor, so I'm sure that I'll get sent to a mental hospital if I tell her. If this doesn't help, once I'm out, I could always kill myself.",3.3003703703703664,3.1337760740740777,5.587259259259259,83.85866666666669,72.20987654320987,8.455308641975309,24.841975308641967,8.238735603445708,1.2456153086419741,286,7,66,4,5,102,50,81,0.145,0.708,0.147,-0.4175,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,2,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,17,5,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,9,2,8,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,3,0,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197006915769252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404516847372348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842039942324598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616109922293707,0.2213190544933845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464074854439308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104951714740319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830436668377465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325024669285147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456997305680461,0.15633577318271558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744242711420608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033032401265685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389050510172626,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iamtheflump,2018/01/05,"I now see why finance drives people to suicide. Im a financially poor fuck who could be 440 dollars better off if i didnt sell my pittance of ripple a week early.

Sold for 1.08, today its 3.74. I had a fair amount.

But hey, im 7 dollars richer. 7 dollars that mocks me. 7 dollars id rather not have. Id rather fucking 0. At least it wouldnt serve as a reminder that any time i try to financially benefit myself i get ultimately fucked over.

Fuck this. Fuck it all.",0.5080599812558582,2.726681886597941,2.9336269915651343,89.73609184629805,85.8041237113402,5.176757263355202,22.220243673851925,6.574015621080383,0.5398123711340208,361,13,77,4,11,124,71,97,0.243,0.647,0.11,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,6,0,4,0,6,5,0,0,1,8,14,3,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,3,6,0,0,3,1,8,2,8,8,3,9,0,0,1,5,2,3,5,1,5,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721569577524572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244489694479654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762128810809576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7967540998764895,0.09005481622338443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723725916221087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949780421139652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735444629546967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854188371201636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050877681968376,0.0,0.16338407535984656,0.0,0.0,0.1170261032278981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826267585286411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555347061612238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wedumboise,2018/01/05,"My first real relationship ended after three days, and it’s my fault. I hate that I’m who I am. I don’t think I’m gonna harm myself but this is really driving me towards the edge. I’m not there yet, but fuck, this hurt. Whatever self respect I had is gone, poof. My happiness turns to ash in my hands, as fucking usual. I just want to disappear for a while, get away from everyone I know so I can’t disappoint them anymore.  ",0.026578140960165086,2.277970146067417,2.6800612870275806,90.25868232890707,89.11235955056179,6.382431052093973,20.450459652706847,7.686295010490155,0.9573505617977532,329,11,72,7,11,114,70,89,0.235,0.654,0.111,-0.9026,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,3,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,9,19,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,7,0,2,2,1,14,2,9,16,0,13,0,2,0,2,4,3,2,0,7,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272059190811875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152472568564137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775072916926907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029148496601939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189151377319654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948725831929592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235990388543488,0.11969544180050068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438815107415858,0.0,0.2261890981146135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452565906984267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590752372961414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260766277832115,0.14676750736809654,0.0,0.0,0.2459679649349294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390015594820732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467982103126189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919531947388004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523215940446868,0.0,0.13512928235664884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coreyh29645,2018/01/05,"failed suicide attempt tuesday. really don't want to keep fighting anymore. my life is literally so bad right now some people will not believe me.i dont even know where to begin. lets start with my mental illness. i am bi-polar with adhd, mild ptsd and i finally found out i have disassociative identity disorder. i am on medication and for the most part it has been under control until recently.

i don't even know where to begin so i'll just let it flow out in no perticular order.

my mother is in her sixties and is getting dimentia. it runs in my family. i recieved a traumatic brain injury in 2013 and i am noticing what i believe may be the begining of my own battle with the same disease.

i found out that my dad is a child molester. unfortunatly i found out after he raped my son. now my son has ptsd and several other mental issues because ot it. the last 3 years he has been on a drug bender that he has finally gotten out of but it cost him his diploma. not graduating has made it difficult for him to get a job. i feel like its all my fault.

my house went into foreclosure and part of my mental illness is not dealing with problems. just ignoring them as they just overwhelm me. i tried to fix it but it was to late and my house sold on dec 23. i don't know what to do or if i even can fix that.

i have thousands and thousands of dollars in medical bills and credit card defaults that i just can't pay. i used to have a really good job and i got paid well before my accident but now i work at a small store and i haven't gotten a raise since i started in 2014.

i can't afford to register or insure my car so im driving illegally and have been for 6 months so i know i'm pushing my luck.

I haven't paid my electric bill in 3 years. i owe $21,000

i feel like a complete waste. thats why i tried to hang myself but i couldn't even do that right.

i tried to call out today and my boss decided my presence at work was more important than my mental health. i cried in the back of my store for 20 minutes. i'm at my wits end. i can't take it anymore.",0.9828940568475488,3.1181088139534907,3.3120155038759727,88.3365762273902,82.95348837209302,6.333850129198966,22.81136950904393,7.554174236665415,1.0561772609819116,1610,57,342,27,45,553,216,430,0.132,0.802,0.066,-0.9686,4,0,1,0,2,3,35.0,0,0,2,5,20,17,4,1,13,0,40,9,1,4,1,63,71,26,1,4,14,4,2,2,0,2,7,0,0,1,19,24,0,3,10,0,12,7,14,11,1,2,16,2,60,6,50,49,8,57,0,2,0,1,17,27,0,7,24,235,79,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239438079514976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689918995165721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551388492583801,0.07113881473764212,0.05193740192118313,0.0,0.07249930541132824,0.19198345613854206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951118767563308,0.0869991827565663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933104807209465,0.0,0.09555954647830596,0.0,0.0,0.0935886907426694,0.0,0.08783792011019204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764709411863247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985428979010942,0.0,0.09880546960955558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546230754653586,0.0,0.0,0.22509636780101994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031939914468854,0.0,0.08615981236516262,0.12173443326494865,0.0,0.1866658510807135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802536787198844,0.0,0.0,0.08902743447504112,0.0,0.0,0.07146209295490609,0.0681425809791665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056409141292142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661975409209387,0.0,0.0,0.0920311036411014,0.08892713129406282,0.1690965947608681,0.0757300723558654,0.0,0.0,0.18729575078448849,0.06944973616732747,0.09610981571546212,0.0,0.0,0.1742464599069347,0.06017959566141354,0.08324926989855262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061872337205132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716609743883325,0.3434480464017687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680061842394226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700127404744754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845275635801622,0.0,0.05906726247684513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152532157137027,0.1991895272166313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091631765481622,0.0,0.08412516312967222,0.0,0.0,0.14552143307120105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962522541967826,0.0,0.07047869051026864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206106303604096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319546084206938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406013310362144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076006188987626,0.0,0.0,0.17353653320130358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358583097521708,0.0,0.0,0.05025343133248522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660543435744406,0.07898166830846742,0.07688015167903663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405388085085085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973258941327868
suicidewatch,CeticSchism,2018/01/05,"Fear of rejection I had a conversation about being a person full of need of approval. I need to be liked, need to be praised, need even to have someone taking care of me. People always condemn and put over more and more charges without empathy, without trying to understand whats happening. 

Lately I feel so rejected everywhere. I believe I became a persona non-grata to everyone in the world. Even in the internet my attention is close to 0. My girfriend treats me badly, even my mother blocked me from everywhere.

Why do I seek attention so strongly? 
Why I can't move along? Am I forced to believe that I'm that good, to the point where everybody should praise me?

I'm also scared because I don't wanna kill myself. When I want to do it, my brain tries to find a solution, and it finds. Now I feel like it doesn't matter anyway. To die is too much effort. Living randomly seems better. 

I quitted my job, cannot afford a specialist. Actually I have something close to 1 dollar in my pocket, so I cannot even get out of my house. Just waiting for the food to end. My GF has helped me too much already (financial meaning). 

Don't know what to do.
",3.0730803571428567,5.155626575892857,4.5815714285714275,82.16342857142858,75.65178571428572,7.694285714285716,27.71785714285714,8.548686976883017,2.2424167857142856,899,37,168,18,20,300,135,224,0.136,0.718,0.146,0.371,2,1,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,7,16,15,1,2,9,0,20,2,1,0,0,31,38,8,2,7,3,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,2,10,0,1,2,8,6,0,0,1,2,28,9,31,33,5,17,2,2,0,0,7,11,0,2,6,118,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.11610763812585395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129775184385645,0.095148526230152,0.0990011651633593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934360502368024,0.07252930431077301,0.0,0.0,0.2681001743991175,0.0,0.10522843229409284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282139648219646,0.0,0.0,0.121308375185701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348279708019852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053812563890212,0.0,0.0,0.3143415410779553,0.0,0.0,0.11369080328720625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388594878764892,0.12032005874832233,0.08499957091396049,0.0,0.0,0.21749173065466065,0.0,0.14387148628027674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621623112458199,0.0,0.0,0.09979505510261497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521391212358314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975000662761128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728732522754938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806961770958645,0.0,0.13163410579563478,0.0,0.06538847729319289,0.0,0.13421499369293574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625555778251476,0.0,0.10506181045494653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960445871666496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645726036337898,0.1749284639461354,0.3528896258643845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248597920798367,0.10388903412342074,0.0,0.0,0.1124748688822322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960809337727007,0.0,0.12655022562298293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912006575951307,0.0,0.0,0.10831522306416802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008116467780598,0.09159687022810416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945840023172537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155966682988046,0.0,0.0,0.12386271870571408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017768080323965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472248169244626,0.0,0.0,0.22938558294398956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manach23,2018/01/05,"There is only one thing keeping me from killing myself I know most people who are thinking about killing themselves have way bigger problems than I do but here's my story:

Disclaimer: The following text probably sounds like a whiny teenager who is angry at his girlfriend and how she is the worst person on earth for not paying enough attention to him. This not how I feel, I just feel alone after having someone who actually cared for me. She is amazing in every aspect and I just feel like I ruined everything.

Last year, up to 2 weeks after my birthday was the best year of my life. I was in love with my long distance girlfriend, we met for the first for easter and it was the best week of my life up to then. We weren't able to meet up after that and she somewhat broke up with saying she needed more free space for herself. I am fine with that, I think it made everything better. Since then she's tossing me aside  constantly and just shrugging everything I say off. I told her about my problems (including my constantly drunk father, my lack of friends, my lack of self confidence) We were having a nice conversation and she basically set me aside for someone else who just wanted to talk about his day. The next day I wanted to pick the topic back up and the same guy called her randomly for 2 hours, for which I was shouted at 5 months before when we were still in a working relationship. She went to him over christmas and told me nothing happened. She's always saying I am the most important person to her but during her stay at his place she didn't answer any of my messages and since coming back home she didn't spend any time with me and rather plays League of Legends with him and his friends rather than doing the same thing with me. She knows I am thinking about suicide since christmas eve and it has just increased with my parents being about to break up me not having anyone to talk to.

The thing keeping me from doing it is: One of her friends was having suicide thought and helped talk him out of it. I just couldn't stand myself dying a hypocrit.",5.946807980049876,6.5191771670823,5.643654862842894,83.16936259351624,66.60598503740647,8.012009975062345,29.75571072319201,7.699297019823105,1.80549149127182,1648,55,313,16,25,509,193,401,0.114,0.7390000000000001,0.147,0.9543,1,1,0,0,0,3,27.0,4,0,0,5,21,22,2,0,15,0,30,4,0,4,0,70,54,20,5,10,13,2,3,2,5,0,2,5,1,4,16,26,1,2,11,2,3,4,7,7,0,3,16,8,67,16,62,36,13,53,0,2,0,1,60,19,0,4,27,241,83,2,0.08825595469501596,0.0,0.08612508070781555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140655246073412,0.0,0.0,0.07343602434337597,0.0,0.0,0.1200341512365067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171061557591244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572676289100005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509931708724474,0.0,0.185238358985432,0.07805521988365736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011919735089816,0.0,0.08998282776261259,0.0,0.0,0.07602469025346421,0.0,0.1907466670459972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383557909064285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159574715516323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372652539093084,0.0,0.0,0.0911919935037368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435944827866467,0.0,0.23795628390921045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387458746558867,0.06305007166849297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507046997800522,0.0,0.0,0.2045589950070238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738727072949681,0.07804444926703623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059156106076387625,0.0,0.08852791850979955,0.0,0.08691433756633499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689189529819875,0.1952842753249623,0.0,0.0970063292155351,0.07194038244179725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246755816795038,0.08623480296703827,0.0,0.0,0.07810374265215896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965444485477892,0.08350991827213465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044506102663937,0.0,0.0,0.06544067211921295,0.0,0.0,0.09386120906012567,0.0,0.0,0.08468396880612873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196090379668059,0.06712263051119148,0.0,0.0,0.09799779330074454,0.0,0.0,0.06118556652448949,0.1541233908976444,0.09220868833387136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515484627708333,0.168898058832196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947538664734332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055403252435212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207020865541464,0.0,0.0,0.2190187132067649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495579680233778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406910487646047,0.07048131942430401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307537983051812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281037992312213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590000406425405,0.1696525564479177,0.0,0.07006536974203917,0.05146275691825082,0.0,0.0,0.16866469367387285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411129742411818,0.07005346886035413,0.14158720667843944,0.0,0.0,0.08181415420085354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425138614131892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366788247690705
suicidewatch,HagalaziraR,2018/01/05,I have zero friends in total Please help me finding at least one irl,0.5735714285714302,3.0718563571428597,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,92.57142857142857,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.4210285714285713,55,2,11,0,2,17,14,14,0.0,0.552,0.448,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853876587229218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41030277279502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35596451307454996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598662571213761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5829545418068621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4thwaveska,2018/01/05,"I’m sick of being hurt. I just want it to stop. I’ve been emotionally tortured by my family members for as long as I can remember. But as of recent my father has been physically attacking me. I can’t take it anymore, there’s only so much pain alcohol and pills can relieve. I just want it to end. There’s no way out of this family besides killing myself. ",1.7855185909980449,3.83436680821918,4.479882583170255,81.51849315068493,79.54794520547945,8.007045009784736,25.497064579256357,8.841846274778883,2.1700270058708413,279,11,56,7,7,99,53,73,0.307,0.633,0.061,-0.9705,0,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,9,11,6,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,1,11,8,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391301589681993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219086512967111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455799233475346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516985867426505,0.1981839240732037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218798554995161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953847454154506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475560125430808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801953908971912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448849921168154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017868676934966,0.23809519031157225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093486780874605,0.0,0.25347515546268456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870724160820832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823880647034678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639575317379067,0.17760935832669555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NametoChangeLater,2018/01/05,"The Rational Ending I've been attempting to make a comeback for years, but I'm not even sure what I'd come back to. I was willfully carefree in my 20's, unencumbered by debt or ambition, traveling a bunch, not having much money or caring about much. The world was interesting. 

But of course, I was doing that when other, more responsible people were creating a solid foundation on which to have a life beyond youth: getting married, developing a career, etc. I can just imagine how satisfying it is for them now to see that I'm broke and alone at 45. I'm a victim of my own irresponsibility. 

I've tried a few times to become a contributing member of society; I went back to school at 35, but didn't finish the degree - still have the debt though, which I can't imagine ever being free of at this point. I always did well on tests and made good first impressions, but have been a consistent disappointment to myself and everybody else. 

A few people have suggested over the years that I had ADD, so this year I was desperate enough to try meds. But that seems to have resulted only in a short period (a couple weeks) of frantic activity that was, in retrospect, a parody of productivity. At that time, I also lost the crappy boring job that was keeping me alive, and have not been able to secure another one. It's also when it started to make sense to think about how to make an exit.

Increasingly, the only people who seem convinced that I can possibly do anything for them are debt collectors, and they are very persistent, but very wrong. It's becoming too painful to keep feebly attempting to make some kind - and kind - of positive contribution. I'm at the age where my mental and physical abilities are noticeably deteriorating, and I never had much drive or ambition, even when I was younger and sharper. So my options are to spend the next however many decades being more and more miserable and taking up space and resources, or to make a graceful exit. I resolved to pursue the latter course yesterday, but couldn't go through with it. Fear and the momentary will to live are stronger than I would have thought they'd be. It seems inevitable though now, especially since I'm in a lot of the top categories that don't involve substance abuse or serious mental illness: unemployed, LGBT (specifically ""B"", which tends to be the most miserable, according to some stats) white guy, between 45 and 59, never married, unstable childhood and adolescence, not religious, living alone.

I think it's a rational choice to end it all when you're reasonably convinced that you have nothing to look forward to but trauma, stress, and alienation. I've been trying for years in lots of ways to find a place in the world and I think there just isn't one. The trajectory I'm on is one in which the anxiety of being alive is taking over all of the moments in my life, making it impossible to enjoy anything.",9.924722222222222,7.9824586574074115,9.748703703703699,65.24416666666667,59.648148148148145,13.444444444444445,39.72222222222222,12.161744961471696,4.8242777777777786,2305,93,404,60,24,758,273,540,0.14,0.7090000000000001,0.152,0.8133,7,2,0,0,1,0,69.0,0,1,4,7,29,29,1,5,35,0,50,4,0,11,6,77,84,42,0,2,19,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,28,20,0,3,12,1,6,7,11,14,1,4,20,3,28,16,68,54,20,69,0,5,3,0,9,31,0,14,32,293,56,5,0.08166204834169821,0.09675617380794817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691545081936093,0.0,0.13061022111034126,0.06794936603059097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562977793143242,0.06247124346254359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440181545551955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558614895469464,0.0,0.0,0.18037863306422214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325990077458359,0.0,0.0,0.07034462379445121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035750325310564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821816274431662,0.0,0.14465667250129124,0.08437872557848529,0.0910747702885899,0.10787402551314212,0.07386799796556542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918925077852712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463763275156783,0.06946169660237178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266504978178798,0.0,0.046410423975229625,0.06849425171937529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085826674723216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103698231836456,0.14516996142114924,0.0,0.17007691370662065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536063955485085,0.0,0.0,0.14421816960760092,0.0,0.06857555349459939,0.0,0.08914377238012854,0.13885230647525593,0.0,0.07727060464663972,0.3270603083056871,0.08279249965317116,0.0,0.0,0.09070812631662667,0.0,0.16459227521935754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009300506057296,0.0,0.12596561197341802,0.0,0.08684851484713563,0.0,0.0,0.07835693782148256,0.09297278328943548,0.0,0.0,0.16600895216027134,0.12421533519338634,0.0868941770380724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698425463280118,0.0,0.08531945963608077,0.0,0.07719703118958922,0.0920616895570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396218649021107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826463526504863,0.06507407970729295,0.2230261853947212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755169026057574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780081812851012,0.0,0.06521541729284837,0.0,0.09354360046815444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696551413140558,0.0,0.12279939477129186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697722962510674,0.1604650957497049,0.06483054464399192,0.095235594193682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663295111591297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347594844469215,0.0,0.06481953291816753,0.06550436940088808,0.0,0.07342398867693155,0.07570153694980711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801037614331341,0.08928463033853179,0.0,0.2103507269465151
suicidewatch,SuperKamiGuru1994,2018/01/05,"I want to ""do it' this Sunday I want to kill myself this Sunday as an act of ""revenge"" against someone who ""abandoned"" me. It will be their birthday and I want them to have to live with the guilt of what they made me feel. 

I'm conflicted though. It's not in my nature to be hateful. I know people depend on me. My girlfriend died 2 years ago and I'm all her parents have left in this world. They are immigrants and have no family in this country. I promised her before she died I take care of them. But I'm in so much pain over this. I have BPD so I know I take things *way* to far, but life is more give and I get very little in return for my energy.  ",-0.21157374100719287,1.8594069208633108,1.720427158273381,98.20136016187051,87.70503597122303,4.626079136690648,17.320593525179856,5.985473137389443,-0.5218744604316551,498,12,118,4,16,164,86,139,0.11,0.8170000000000001,0.073,-0.7218,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,5,0,3,7,2,1,2,0,10,2,0,2,1,19,26,10,3,3,3,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,25,2,20,22,3,18,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,1,5,82,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875879696894407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523984639366034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255665618440799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260145715790052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717490840390949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883683208430916,0.0,0.09055688866961926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357085688777432,0.1718062837100004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682133430388253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814443556073136,0.0,0.19685419439169485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458955249913495,0.0,0.12650159732002433,0.0,0.1795023717413364,0.158146044338262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946603193953935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165699551271676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057197039721024,0.0,0.1988661647996107,0.0,0.0,0.12416339741931948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174841450131912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693175011588682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898417307262765,0.0,0.17596201793590655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477738863302073,0.31690837722499005,0.14215896311475146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533267784767373
suicidewatch,queensaf,2018/01/05,The worst is that I don't really want to. It's just so terrifying to continue to face the hurt and pain of the every day. I can't figure out which is worse. Death or the daily... and I'm so close to the edge I'm not sure how much longer I can hang on.,-1.0049425287356328,0.6027772413793073,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,86.93103448275862,5.935632183908046,13.114942528735632,7.1686216300943375,-0.742354022988506,192,2,52,3,6,68,42,58,0.382,0.618,0.0,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,5,2,1,1,1,11,8,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,8,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25047329777471256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32722732874640026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157693665446546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28550436105102805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132642434274261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488064985083513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660440325429634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22907688624009756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957929179783975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mamamarc,2018/01/05,Going to end it tomorrow. I am tired of all of it. I just can´t go on anymore. I will drive to my working place and hang myself. I did put a rope ready and nobody will be there until monday. I wish you other folk good luck and that you may get help here. I didn´t. ,-0.7496240601503743,1.2998818070175489,1.6629072681704289,97.64368421052635,90.57894736842104,3.9588972431077702,13.406015037593985,5.288315135182226,-1.187724812030075,201,3,47,1,7,68,45,57,0.048,0.725,0.227,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,8,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,2,6,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174248224397037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834882576309577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722409571904376,0.0,0.3638079046380506,0.2684607041197993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145371121925076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344064886330281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217601606960508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678749891886045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680663132880008,0.0,0.0,0.2330157907845513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilverJetter,2018/01/05,"I cant continue to live my life I cant continue my school, I cant look for a job. Many times I tried to be a better person, with many failures. Many times I tried to be a more social person, many times I got (even aggressively) rejected. My familiy is torn apart, and the ones im living with doesnt care about me, just what I ""could do"" if I werent so shit. I tried to change me, my life, but in the end I always fall back into misery. I am all alone, and I want to be that, and always want to continue to be.

I dont want to leave my house, my room anymore. Ill just wait here to rot away and die, but I have to help to achieve that...maybe it will be the one time where I dont fail to change my life",2.341730769230772,2.2413009935897463,3.958102564102564,94.47023076923078,74.3205128205128,7.522051282051282,21.369230769230768,7.1686216300943375,0.16716615384615394,529,9,140,5,10,178,82,156,0.156,0.733,0.111,-0.8714,2,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,2,0,6,0,17,5,1,0,1,18,24,8,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,1,1,24,2,19,16,2,16,0,2,1,0,4,6,1,1,9,87,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104283039275787,0.0,0.0,0.19449162013045254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590436051839825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980389842030187,0.08986637772730102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336266369640826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915749873412505,0.0,0.2472674726505545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933117684177696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129336671310348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739432513925083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351277812066044,0.0,0.0,0.07719201523749047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934721994966267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783359871008822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485313159104442,0.0,0.0,0.12624044401936854,0.0,0.1159761665361669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374922876026367,0.0,0.0,0.2476477596149359,0.0,0.0,0.20639799234184808,0.0,0.09814197894431152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47395430841682396,0.1174123572451276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838926320163224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409402785423092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827941866028033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119966125343971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191349918301117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725930511327604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380426631668749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680015453198988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Havels_Foot,2018/01/05,"I've gone from sickeningly happy to so depressed I've rationalized suicide. So recently I was put on some Bi-polar meds along with my two anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety med. I've dealt with and have had depression for many years, and have been on things from zoloft, to viibryd. Currently my wife made me sign a Living Will/prime directive or whatever you want to call it. and a couple days later along with the start of geodon I suddenly and horrendously became afraid of death. Now this is normal for many people I know but this thought, of my death, and its imminence wouldn't go away like most days before the meds. I suddenly became engrossed in the thought. It consumed me and every other thought I had. I was afraid of going to sleep at night for fear of me not waking up. I didn't want to die, not now not ever.

Before you comment ""that's not what this board is for"" keep reading please. Now ever since the thought has popped into my head and got ""stuck"" It has become everything and anything that I did. I talked to my therapist about it and she got me more into thinking more about the ""Now"" and not the ""future of what will happen"" this and cigarettes helped. I've recently tried to quit with little success since it's something different from my day to day routine. I thrived on each one. and after seeing my therapist again the thought has morphed, ""Evolved"" I guess you could say. 

The thought that once was just a fear of death and how I didn't want it to happen has become hopelessness, severe and crippling depression. I want to die on a daily basis, I've lost all hope for escaping my work, ever doing anything that will end up making things different. That will make things better. Each day is harder and harder to get up and work for the life that I hope one day will get me and my wife on track. But I've lost all ambition and feel lost in my path to where I can go. I've wanted to get into I.T. but I've never learned coding, there are a multitude of other things I'd like to do or should do to make money for us but have no want to. I have lost all my ambition in life, where before I would of been happy moving up the ranks of my current jobs when possible. Now everything is just a burden and I just want to sleep. I don't eat, bathing is a chore and the thought of working even doing what I love at some point just turns my thoughts to ""whats the point, I'm just going to die someday and it will be worth nothing in the end.""

I want to be happy with life again, I want to try to get past this and move on to more and challenging things. but I just can't find the point in it. I just think about all the things I'll never get to do, things I will never experience or accomplish and it saddens me that The jobs I am applicable for are merely 9-5s with no movement in sight that would be fulfilling. 

I've thought about trying youtube and twitch, to see if that would change my mindset, doing things that I enjoy, but I also realize my chances of anything coming to fruition from those ideas are extremely slim. So me as I am currently, with no prior experience for college, no real skills to use elsewhere, feel stuck as a security guard until I die. And I want to die daily. I just want this cycle to end so my wife can move on to bigger and better things and people. Not an uneducated, stuck security guard with no more ambition because of a thought that started as a fear of death.

tl;dr: Wife made me sign a advanced directive/DNR/Living will, changed some meds and suddenly I want to die daily. I wish for it. I see no hope in sight for change, and if there is, I see no point in doing so anymore.",5.132823691460054,5.455432365013773,5.703928374655651,82.90346831955927,68.32506887052341,8.822479338842975,28.53002754820937,8.713453558529999,1.9505098622589527,2851,90,583,43,45,923,268,726,0.136,0.7240000000000001,0.14,-0.3984,7,0,2,0,0,7,84.0,1,3,0,16,35,31,0,6,29,0,56,11,4,7,10,142,126,54,11,25,25,4,2,2,0,12,5,1,2,0,44,47,1,5,19,2,2,12,21,15,0,3,32,9,65,16,104,78,14,86,0,8,6,1,15,33,0,13,43,404,109,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03587393939102766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034317216257740195,0.0,0.0444883385444821,0.0,0.0,0.11074606276691257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214675776284438,0.0,0.0,0.02734579262556714,0.0990870713635134,0.11451579582000067,0.0,0.0,0.07934875193337221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580632689069026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423654681987157,0.03864228617077168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03581647424641187,0.0496359253919041,0.0,0.173583095530035,0.0,0.15454888278172893,0.0,0.2793410189606801,0.09373677183424213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590222898565331,0.0,0.0,0.11919598614188814,0.0,0.0,0.029629122592598006,0.12173332497682005,0.037795866978279774,0.0,0.08063323277649796,0.08776194134663656,0.0,0.1514374400450662,0.04536438625041336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100055709051283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718557682357801,0.0,0.10197822024312994,0.0,0.07175610714047649,0.0,0.049417539773628866,0.0,0.07933780282596191,0.14326057074333212,0.0,0.0,0.04603854955636999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030068220891542975,0.0,0.0,0.13366612121640228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050640651841344815,0.0,0.0,0.08903180064796984,0.0398729774220388,0.0,0.0,0.02465347981968257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505628019735222,0.043831943583361864,0.044960770208479744,0.039611554376109935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587675514311467,0.0,0.040487239640046566,0.08489384564963845,0.08983172662617955,0.09096051103321744,0.0,0.0,0.1993141301250705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303490364710453,0.0,0.0,0.10379469594811787,0.0,0.0,0.04209738296929351,0.04395255686419079,0.04304367628165398,0.0,0.0,0.047773655011711116,0.06079560019665321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282324601875845,0.06219953447432493,0.0,0.0,0.049242003876678465,0.1696260273978407,0.05057208300129183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509595326903583,0.0,0.04771335199599879,0.044871406277477016,0.05105966647389236,0.0,0.0,0.08858622805303462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03567388941710831,0.0,0.0,0.14298811051696453,0.0,0.0,0.05067820271416134,0.0,0.0742160979919663,0.0,0.08978332709750061,0.0,0.0,0.034534855148702664,0.0,0.0,0.06350323975157285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906875684114577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036056179352975434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417013238573523,0.2682225315945071,0.057488013556356514,0.0,0.3561324694919665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136949239556018,0.048794000531706586,0.04382098528179538,0.0,0.05396017449171574,0.03874400335007135,0.0,0.0,0.31750989331967283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158594285891563,0.0,0.0,0.09797424133648996,0.0,0.0,0.09560020801394256,0.0,0.0,0.02888789700065985
suicidewatch,cedoxi,2018/01/05,"I feel like i will always stay at this level of mediocrity. Recently i signed into an adult high school since i dropped out when i was 16,it's been 7 years. They gave stuff to read that shows a little what is going to be on the exams that will determine which level i'm at. 

But no matter how much i study,i can't seem to remember anything the next day or even a few hours after,i feel like i'll be in high school until i'm 26 or either give up again. 

Then there's something i really want to be good at,art,i want to be able to draw characters like you see on Tumblr and Reddit,but no matter how much i practice I don't see any improvements, I know they say practice makes perfect but it doesn't seem to work for me. 

All this level of mediocrity is depressing and makes me want to give up life.",5.405397764628535,4.403345147928995,6.046942800788955,85.15425378040764,67.93491124260355,9.16791584483892,27.061801446416826,8.167268648758528,1.4316858645627877,626,14,140,7,9,205,104,169,0.069,0.826,0.105,0.3509,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,4,6,6,0,0,5,0,13,1,0,4,2,27,31,11,0,3,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,5,15,5,21,22,5,27,0,1,2,0,8,15,0,4,12,82,23,5,0.14327599136373284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921710241498967,0.0,0.0,0.09743258727043123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179039329867156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924011615025764,0.0,0.12340340141721635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463244102768874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488929239072393,0.2047127937162949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274886772731771,0.08142704768852604,0.12017310387253112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30275790254713364,0.0,0.0,0.14109799074262366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874073786262792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012000698746604,0.2099922366913615,0.14360018329993854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127567358319564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210648678398399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237564224601302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331476388179049,0.0,0.09178626885904223,0.0,0.1414677565272971,0.0,0.16230376822980735,0.0,0.0,0.1139388190096512,0.0,0.2900059048004244,0.2283448302235197,0.2608661629352728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851938062932175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103008579834161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271314331649238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401673163086766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535236755777912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043066281216189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226504095034643
suicidewatch,haveabiscuitpotta,2018/01/05,I can't go on like this I don't have any actual friends. My mom and I don't talk anymore and she wants me dead. My sister's visiting after 4 months and I had a fight with her on her first day here. Something is wrong with me. I'm so lonely. I can't do it anymore.,-1.9432377049180327,-0.11373001639343805,1.1181762295081974,100.62677254098362,95.0655737704918,4.361475409836066,15.821721311475413,5.985473137389443,-0.7437065573770494,203,5,53,2,8,71,42,61,0.254,0.695,0.051,-0.9052,0,2,1,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,11,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,12,2,5,10,0,8,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.27670448635128997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928241337456105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5624120127071539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828666817023927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24118799848658784,0.0,0.0,0.2190704928876704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114834239619447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385285021766817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320910398171761,0.226327386484442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182911076046568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790723438864166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724549248807133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100180724095655,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yesyeshere,2018/01/05,Depression ruined my life. What can ı do? I tried many options for cure.  Nothing helped.  ECT is my last chance.  Is there anybody experienced it before? I really need your help.  Suicide is getting closer to me:(,1.2723684210526294,3.3464940000000034,2.720394736842106,84.01901315789479,109.0,5.0578947368421066,23.171052631578952,6.6274283507984215,1.5126210526315793,164,7,27,3,8,53,34,38,0.25,0.643,0.106,-0.8270000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,7,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795484328814239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829559298512606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716394360590843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44040338555435865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26778966776930185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320451425450102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330702301549432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435952555518004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152261789868321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045991240371711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593502707681361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304519852001908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ellerdrop,2018/01/05,"suicide is the true path -> born

-> go to school

-> accepted by a uni.

-> find  a job

-> get married


its just wrong. maybe our life is full of shit but this shitty life gave us the true path. Suicide ",0.7241860465116297,3.0475521162790757,1.2105116279069783,101.70134883720932,85.97674418604653,4.370232558139535,17.902325581395353,5.6839178017228535,-0.6703358139534883,163,4,38,1,5,49,32,43,0.312,0.565,0.122,-0.9201,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,4,0,2,3,1,0,2,6,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,16,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365644746991625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522715977926406,0.0,0.1470981482600008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25684725582278795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36563631630826976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26002792348453296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619481658219304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656836400665357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5662325348721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31133870462120145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829882312190563,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BOOMISay,2018/01/05,"Having suicidal thoughts and told girlfriend. She thinks I'm manipulating her. My girlfriend and I have been rocky for a while. Honestly most of it stems from my depression and not being able to pull myself out of it. I've been testy and neglectful and I've never told her but I've been having suicidal thoughts. I don't think I'm in danger of acting on them but they're there nevertheless. Over the new year we were at an event where she saw an ex and she's started to question our relationship and whether she wants to stay. Something clicked for me and I know I have to improve and I've been taking steps. I'm making an appointment with a therapist to help and I'm really taking stock of where I am and what I need to do. Reading a lot of self help stuff and listening to podcasts to try and build my self awareness.

Last night I told her I want her to be happy above all else and I wanted to give her the option of space if it would help I would stay with my parents for a while. She didn't think that was a good option because if that's where we needed to go then we should just end it. She said she appreciates that I am working on myself but she really doesn't feel like talking about things and I need to lay off. She said she wants me to know that there's a chance I can put all this work into things and it won't change the way she feels. We ended the conversation and I tried to go to sleep but my suicidal thoughts kicked into high gear and I couldn't help but think that maybe i can't fix what's wrong with me and I would be better off just dying.

When I've had thoughts before I try to find an article to talk me down so I went to the bathroom to read for a while. When I came back to bed about 30 minutes later she asked if I was okay and I didn't want to tell her what I was thinking because she would think I'm trying to manipulate her into staying. I tried to tell her I didn't want to talk about it but she persisted so I told her what I was feeling and she got really mad at me. She said I was selfish for feeling that way and that it was stupid to feel that way and I was being ridiculous. She asked why I didn't want  to tell her and I said  because I'm ashamed. She told me if I was ashamed it's because I never would've done it and asked me if I was just trying to manipulate her into staying. I'm really not. I feel so alone and helpless. I want to get better but now because of the way she reacted to how I'm feeling I just feel numb and more isolated. I wish I hadn't told her and just dealt with things myself. ",1.6263223967960556,3.3219176469500944,3.113942929759705,92.81174002618609,78.63031423290205,6.282825015403574,21.622034812076397,7.1686216300943375,0.4421265865680839,2001,56,458,24,48,656,202,541,0.122,0.76,0.118,-0.8912,1,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,5,0,1,5,21,19,4,2,17,1,43,2,1,6,4,117,109,51,4,23,20,2,8,1,2,6,1,5,1,2,26,42,0,1,22,2,0,8,14,12,0,0,39,15,91,7,63,59,5,54,0,3,2,0,71,19,0,10,20,312,117,5,0.0587325703173439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082923003233035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472107479753895,0.0,0.0,0.04516172122883001,0.0,0.17901414864722048,0.0,0.04997709148185325,0.0,0.0,0.1038883711879792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717441390777977,0.0,0.0,0.06213127173484146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058627675264996,0.0,0.060955135312406074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060103810947511785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906352610132516,0.0,0.10403924910143143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375756181498652,0.04195855997003293,0.0,0.0,0.053680505239827134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030685343893367863,0.05634163321819169,0.06675814640792127,0.049262093434263285,0.04697380180518623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252191323051991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746881541707006,0.06205418518214537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455576931400615,0.04787488374037248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028693767160335837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049932330987215626,0.0,0.0,0.039204446752709836,0.0,0.059004761077772486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064837007784272,0.09059635795369,0.0567242823983015,0.0,0.055116538589400514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521556880632269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059042455213703014,0.06579392033559123,0.0,0.11749692836997445,0.0,0.15050235391482072,0.0,0.0,0.06305680046997902,0.0,0.0,0.2234724959802613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254175987724132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058774986277219526,0.0,0.0,0.045215202044061216,0.0,0.0,0.041571215565496436,0.2504044213645936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723474136902237,0.192731697735816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831916704016131,0.14162104581257548,0.15400456560055448,0.0,0.0,0.068193040950898,0.11705792989521988,0.2258007572526363,0.0,0.18650840136081634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33672892720337083,0.0,0.2392533596298442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27713593345275955,0.1864767221671429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444568110062048,0.05299700944447401,0.0,0.06753955732421504,0.0,0.0,0.08551602138512558,0.0,0.0,0.2086096641683793,0.06421484564866384,0.0,0.037821849661411784
suicidewatch,fatma139,2018/01/05,I think I need some serious help i don't know what is happening to me i have become a person i am not because of the stuff happening i found myself picking at my lips till they would start bleeding i dont know what have a become its like someone took me out of me i dont know what to do ,0.5355208333333329,2.1886123437500022,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,81.8125,6.141666666666668,21.604166666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.5261229166666671,226,7,53,3,6,78,41,64,0.024,0.8809999999999999,0.095,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,1,0,11,19,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,14,1,7,16,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,40,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322533321978997,0.4465051554265861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738233980777223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164087066925192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575112019614532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354931118442865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332797817278205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987575296808348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498874908224056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650466896646033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127627080819835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307882726367832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140694385758595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295259516449821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245898356671431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359756239533505,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bittersweet_Sputnik,2018/01/05,"My own happiness just makes me want to die 20/f. I know I've got a long life ahead of me theoretically, but that doesn't affect how I feel, so save that. 

Even since I can remember, I've wanted to cease existing. I believe there was a brief time when I was 6 and before where I didn't want to, but beyond that I remember sneaking knives and trying to stab myself to die but not being about to go through with it. I'm still too squeamish of such a thing now, but I do have an alternative method I tested once before a lady found me and rushed me to hospital. I know... there is probably a lil kid me who wants to live. But beyond her.. I've always lacked any love for myself, and any real meaning for me to live. Sure, my life isn't worth any less than others, but it isn't worth more either. I am a speck in our mighty existence and I've never once believed I am worth keeping around. 

I've done a lot of therapy, found ""meaning""(s). Things I'm good at, things I want to do, people I like and love. I have never struggled to get a good job that I was good at, and I didn't put effort into high school and have dropped out of uni preparation courses a bunch, but I'm not dumb. I can't handle pressure. It's chokes me and frightens me. Taking a STAT exam was the worst because I couldn't breathe and I did the worse I've ever done on any exam. I adored a Diploma I was studying, but dropped out just as soon. I love my new job, but already have bailed on it multiple days this week. I'm depressed by my own success. I don't deserve it, I don't deserve to be here, I shouldn't be alive. I've known it for so long. I am my own worst enemy, the brain is amazing and all that jazz. I know. I've done years of therapy. CBT, some ACT some DBT. I've taken the place that others would've benefitted from more. I'm an imposter playing the role of myself, until the guilt of knowing /I/ shouldn't be here is too strong and I ruin my life all over again. 

I get given so much, and I ruin it all. I don't deserve to exist. I've never deserved to exist. I went through primary school and highschool knowing in my heart I shouldn't be here. An ungrateful brat I guess. But I know the world doesn't need me. It's egotistical and entitled of me to not want to exist purely because the world doesn't need me, so that definitely isn't my whole reason. I just know that I shouldn't be here. I've never ever been worth it. ",1.7725086005229116,3.2956641913214995,3.50817485436448,90.91122884271368,77.69822485207102,6.294188339984405,22.047107930828858,7.025160622230231,0.4939983395257102,1863,52,418,20,43,623,219,507,0.14,0.6970000000000001,0.163,0.8875,2,0,1,0,0,1,69.0,1,0,0,4,30,25,1,3,22,0,46,9,3,4,11,87,84,33,2,14,17,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,24,20,0,1,15,2,4,6,24,9,0,0,18,1,63,16,50,55,19,46,0,3,0,3,8,18,1,4,21,282,87,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667965025528447,0.0,0.06535821254145235,0.0,0.0,0.2136612824263298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992435623105275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576424032596363,0.0,0.1336770930015306,0.17699335307684969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876855241755151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065694963412499,0.0,0.06765326093977006,0.0,0.16304080630694665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114556752550176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188020064834648,0.14210229154666346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971621929750451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224761378382936,0.0,0.0,0.08207615625065139,0.0,0.044640627742521886,0.1976469593429583,0.06282199590213622,0.0,0.08652945665167958,0.0,0.0,0.08361578637068694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307973568147172,0.0,0.08299025451230849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589350198490803,0.06981705457653843,0.0,0.0,0.30217541306175394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644228576502235,0.03837457590593508,0.0,0.1387186125814517,0.1390249828523882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677868454574698,0.21267785871742795,0.0,0.05243138725408286,0.0,0.0,0.08556177844115638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057741803883196635,0.11648466527065787,0.24232418111351625,0.07586212951544148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673020724772755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054455279913821625,0.0,0.08206592206182403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468800868422577,0.0,0.0,0.07896241600520816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940479872208433,0.0,0.08076040661809464,0.0,0.0,0.1779591009235701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589895005017261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497570157751575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272851909297528,0.0,0.0,0.08211540433867721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740305425174665,0.0,0.05905830629685716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965292360103488,0.0,0.156551365007423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580195938855354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053328923075652734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27797780581890896,0.0,0.06300645241884409,0.0,0.0,0.07281476532765041,0.0,0.08769601567891581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004710318306528,0.055798232052339566,0.0,0.0,0.05058232446874447
suicidewatch,malanaice,2018/01/05,I cant live on like this fuck this I quit I have a pistol ready and chambered once I finish this joint thats it I'm fucking putting a bullet in my head,-2.3647619047619024,-0.7134199999999993,0.17071428571428626,104.22845238095242,106.14285714285714,2.333333333333333,14.404761904761903,3.1291,-1.590809523809524,120,3,30,0,6,40,28,35,0.196,0.725,0.079,-0.5768,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,17,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6244808913168955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34662451492627583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165005482679857,0.0,0.29823562977985146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35968813427568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395277018420916,0.0,0.35923411250977205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAMA_IronMan,2018/01/05,"I think i just ruined my life. All the progress i was making to be responsible is gone. I'm going to prison. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. Meds and counseling don't help. I'm already on a diversion program for a felony drug charge, and I just got caught shoplifting from Walmart. You can check my post in legal advice about it. Basically now I just feel like I've ruined everything. My life is over. I'm going to go to prison. I'm so fucked. What do I tell my mom? Or my parole officer? I just can't do it. My life is over. Why not just end it?",-0.18310344827586172,2.1169447413793137,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,92.9655172413793,5.658620689655173,18.456896551724146,7.1686216300943375,0.4753896551724139,434,13,94,8,16,148,72,116,0.275,0.654,0.071,-0.9802,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,8,6,1,0,3,0,10,5,0,1,1,14,24,5,0,0,7,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,5,3,5,0,0,4,1,15,1,12,19,1,12,0,4,0,1,4,4,1,1,3,57,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940360626757775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251836309644493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610419533881315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575528858428913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236643077793014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807352648162324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339462364321885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317810977839237,0.14577943445359476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886487967525548,0.0,0.0,0.3479134472966067,0.0,0.16320422498260306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677611238310547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432397663629304,0.09969267658290427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621063448693052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266629937955119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23899085104052326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954316377376777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305280240825793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835612480945326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307524484276564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841310585984149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,patheticandworthless,2018/01/05,"Really, life is not meant to be lived. I've been feeling lonely since I was 16 but, over all, I've felt this way all my life. I have no friends. I hate college, I'm close to finishing it but I just can't seem to do that shit anymore. I feel pathetic for craving affection so much. I started having suicidal thoughts in 2012 but didn't start cutting until November last year. I have even written 2 letters but I find them long and useless but I feel my family deserves an explanation if I ever do something like that. But in general, really, no one would miss me. Those people who are like ""you're one of my best friends"" but then ignore you can kiss my ass. People are useless and egocentric. I don't know if I suffer from some mental illness because I've never been to a doctor to get a proper diagnosis. Sometimes I feel there's something but I also think I may be just making that shit up, maybe I just want someone to pay attention to me?! But I don't want attention either. I feel I shouldn't complain as I've read lots of people saying that they had to deal with some shit when they were kids (maybe they were abused) and none of that kind of shit has happened to me. Some kids picked up on me when I was a kid but it didn't actually fucked me up. Maybe it helped to my self-esteem but I've always had low self-esteem so I don't think it counts whatsoever. But as I've grown older I've developed this useless, disgusting lifestyle. I mean, I don't get out of the house unless I have to, I just don't like socializing because I think I'm gonna make a fool out of myself and come off as creppy, weird and stupid so I'd better stay in. I don't really have many friends but I also don't want to hang out. When I get asked if I'd like to go out to grab some food I always say ""thanks, but no."" I really don't know how to have a conversation with anyone. I spend all day in front of my computer doing anything. Maybe watching some movies and listening to music but that's it. I feel bored most of the time and I see I have no future. I detest when people say that life gets better because it doesn't and I just know I don't want to try. I know I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I know I'll have (if I'm lucky) a little apartment and a stupid job and no one to share my life with. I already feel alone but I see the future will be even lonelier and I really don't want to face that. I just wish I were someone else. Someone who is loved and enjoys life. I really hate that I just seem not to have the guts to do it. Last Decemeber I told myself I'd not see 2018 and here I am but I still think about it. And if I knew I'd kill myself successfully I'd do it right away. I hate my life. And I wish I had never been born. 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suicidewatch,Stoney213,2018/01/05,"My friend is saying suicidal things and i'm worried for him I know his irl name (only the one he says is his), but ik nothing else.
He blames me for going to pc instead of staying on xbox his reason but i think there might be more and i'm worried for him. Please someone tell me what i should do, i don't want to call the police as idk if he's serious or what.
Some of his msg's becuz steam doesn't lemme see his other ones for some reason:

https://imgur.com/a/GSUgj",1.8277548682703328,3.7610480412371166,2.9679725085910644,92.9800916380298,78.89690721649485,5.5482245131729675,20.0561282932417,6.42735559955562,0.031992898052691565,368,9,80,3,9,118,67,97,0.118,0.8,0.081,-0.1521,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,16,15,7,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,14,1,10,12,3,3,0,0,1,0,16,1,0,5,0,51,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356651571798134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653778918366607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402327545599534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329958317523403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956178606489274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148703051861584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912891034738232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701798931084217,0.1516205250451283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188349041840345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099458663381071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31707451191530706,0.0,0.0,0.15886228728018786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689151442940413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248879794000505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806498225892532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424742925012682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244440694367435,0.1277403735420885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758634501028968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049148716299668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ponyo135,2018/01/05,If I drank white spirit Am I safe to assume it would be a painful way to go?,-1.7533333333333303,-0.14209299999999914,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,90.11111111111113,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.5563111111111108,58,1,16,0,2,20,16,18,0.149,0.615,0.236,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531449570001375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6611928481853646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493223056470516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414110028304445,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Authenticabc,2018/01/05,"Despair. I am so tired today. 
So tired. 
Filled with a black despair. 
Filled with anguish.

Filled with desperation, discouragement, gloom, rage, pain, misery, and sadness.

A despair more spectacularly hopeless and dark than has been felt by any other human in history.
Well, probably not in reality, but that is what it feels like right now.

Despair that this world is filled with so many uncaring abusive assholes.
Despair that I have to live with one of them.
Despair that to get out of this, I may have to choose homelessness.

Despair that the one person who always protected me has abandoned me for this same abusive asshole.

Despair that I have no money for food or anything.

Again.

Despair that my bank account will overdraft and charge me $40 soon.

Again.

So much despair that I just don’t care about anything at all anymore because I am beyond capacity.
I just lay here and write this, because that is all I can do.
I should eat, but I don’t.
I am not starving myself, I just don’t have the energy to eat now.
I should do blah blah blah blah blah, and I don’t.

Despair that no matter what I do or don’t do, I continue to live in desperate poverty.
Despair that I can’t take care of myself after trying for over 40 years and there is no one who will take care of me.

I feel cursed.
Utter misery.
Completely sad.
So sad.

Hopeless. Helpless that my life has come to this.

That is the authentic and honest version of where I am at right now.
I needed a safe place to share it.
Thank you for reading it because maybe it was not easy.

My alternative preferences:
A happy life surrounded by healthy, kind, balanced, and nourishing people.
A safe place of my own where I can live alone that is quiet, beautiful, and clean.
Enough money coming to me consistently so I can afford to be alive and thrive in this world.
$0 in debt.
Super strong ability to REPEL all types of abusers.
A healthy mind, body, and soul.",2.46464285714286,5.097234585164834,3.3897692307692324,86.96773076923077,80.89560439560441,6.0575824175824176,25.308791208791213,7.365786028017652,1.384954065934065,1495,59,282,22,40,476,175,364,0.284,0.5329999999999999,0.183,-0.99,3,1,0,0,1,2,62.0,0,1,1,2,22,38,1,1,9,0,38,9,1,0,3,49,51,21,0,4,10,0,3,6,0,5,5,1,1,2,29,19,3,5,5,1,5,6,12,24,1,3,3,5,35,14,41,42,9,35,1,21,1,0,8,19,0,3,11,204,64,2,0.0,0.3777384616903038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006388739572266,0.0,0.0,0.08842532724982682,0.0,0.0,0.07226738647107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539149194856803,0.0,0.0,0.174902654857364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434399963777432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804224560616675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250486826970311,0.0,0.0,0.1830847509744221,0.11142229255460916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748190896028996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109805534003685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746682174884596,0.0759194587433357,0.1020360663029342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850235888901296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055521798207599005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312661386494065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066406966459293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012358319567806,0.051918256338535806,0.0,0.28151562526386004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774131244089784,0.10676270890859203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730261714136098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812083142770608,0.0787980136360961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160343323080327,0.0,0.11307899528064384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736743824474487,0.09279104771013176,0.2220595004728175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457725954927765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062989675077491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815083561489121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980394377548124,0.0,0.0,0.09783933085200996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442839451758066,0.10073173254790337,0.0,0.0,0.07215049634129185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554968068167542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843453057056724
suicidewatch,Hafornin,2018/01/05,No other choice now. This is it. Over the last weeks I have slowly cut all the possible ways out. Now I don't have a choice anymore : I must die before Sunday. Today or tomorrow? ,0.09416666666666627,2.4659511944444503,2.2957777777777792,91.42700000000002,92.61111111111113,5.102222222222223,15.533333333333335,6.742157984588678,-0.05865999999999971,137,3,28,2,5,46,30,36,0.227,0.773,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377763671346258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241291903408806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953279006462974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049520578974066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294225490820268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610613001563297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023512732598902,0.3055456989708374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigblackbootythicc68,2018/01/05,"is suicide justified If you are evil, ugly, insane, untalented, pompous, immature, a privileged whiner who doesn't want to change their ways and it's impossible for you to love other people? Hitler should've done it earlier, right?

I think I'm ""that person"". The kind you meet and know immediately to steer clear of. I have nothing to offer anyone anyway.",5.723437500000002,7.795783218750002,6.5488750000000024,70.90862500000003,68.375,9.495,28.425,9.888512548439397,3.057816250000001,282,10,46,7,5,93,55,64,0.232,0.5720000000000001,0.196,-0.4371,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,10,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,0,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750828484753693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290721874855327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318333940259964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32393288869742204,0.17095665057068732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807539921479629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984813007811425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565767101764655,0.27161545948115795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656531894599643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402615119076439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993219277245932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347791157677906,0.2469139177633405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kazemitra,2018/01/05,"I just want everything to end, all is meaningless. My friend just left me. She was the only person I've could tell everything. The only one I felt accepted by. When we've met over an year ago, she was just like me. Shy, depressed, fragile. And now she leaves to become an adult. Leaving me there and telling me that I need to grow up too or it'll become too hard to handle to grow up after few more years. But I never wanted to grow up. I had my own beautiful world, with people I loved and cared about. The time took them all away. They all have their own lifes and had forgot about me. I feel like trash, which nobody even wants to pick up. I just want it all to end. I have nobody to live for and I'm unable to live alone. I just want someone to be there for me, just as I will be there for them. But as I see, nobody wants me to be a part of their live. I never wanted to kill myself as much as now. Last year was the hardest in my life, and I survived only because of her. And now even she left. I'm left all alone. Left to die here, in the ruins of my little world.",0.4040217391304353,2.283980328947372,2.042753623188407,98.07326086956525,83.4298245614035,4.842410373760488,15.614797864225785,5.7926816847441245,-0.8503900076277655,817,13,195,5,23,266,113,228,0.085,0.7829999999999999,0.133,0.887,0,2,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,5,1,20,9,1,0,8,0,14,3,0,1,7,38,32,15,2,9,9,0,4,2,1,2,2,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,1,9,5,36,6,37,17,11,34,0,2,1,1,17,15,0,1,17,140,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880875822122311,0.0,0.0,0.20583954691673104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093363583068849,0.0,0.0,0.06057645515099176,0.21949788096041714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131672182308264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934072621562648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558924945651597,0.0,0.10313279839548402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176028793108292,0.0,0.0,0.13126898462732167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861890038609568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024564010225759,0.07099161841206683,0.09541302853245273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677482214796254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901809649443754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099407692083127,0.0,0.0,0.08100171884940689,0.0,0.21044191627587408,0.43187334574629904,0.0,0.1403792428092788,0.09709661010797828,0.09959718913181564,0.2632427861917639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968741516564001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305010265547943,0.07368332978498247,0.15328414697656104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733726827956242,0.22673142373821614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076105587289342,0.0,0.06889226730575279,0.08676809292547559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918688792876337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419785985513302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737116075581736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794480965513452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040632435047344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41028665887846394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197758364818812
suicidewatch,sigSHAW,2018/01/05,"This end is near for me. I’ll try and hold out as long as I can. I’ll come back every Sunday to this post and comment on it. Eventually I’ll stop commenting. Eventually, I’ll be happy. ",-0.5917500000000011,1.5212533250000035,2.870000000000001,88.73500000000001,90.75,6.2,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.5131000000000006,143,4,33,3,5,52,29,40,0.057,0.848,0.095,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944164050617918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298231759691569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391241617050879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225987414459199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075902430212097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33884287289732096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666998268756787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201106072485908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599550833631193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justafren,2018/01/05,"Suicide and why I can’t do it (even though I think about it all the time) Like the title says, I think about suicide all the time, ways in which I would do it with as little pain as possible and with no witnesses (I’ve never want to scar someone) etc but I know that it’s not going to solve anything. Well me in a way cos I’ll be dead but it’s going to shift the burden onto the people around me. My amazing boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago and if I did it, I wouldn’t want him to think I’d did it because of the break up. 

I know that it’s not a solution - permanent solution to a temporary problem and whatnot - so I don’t do it. If I knew that no one would be hurt or affected by this, had no family or friends, I would certainly do it. However I know that my suicide would affect some people so I don’t do it and it just leaves me in a weird middle state, in want of better phrasing. 

I suppose a natural reaction to my last paragraph would be “find a hobby” and so on. Find something to distract yourself. I agree where that’s coming from but I do have hobbies and I do indulge in things which give me some escape, some comfort but my mind, plagued with so many self loathing and negative thoughts, just wont let me go. 

I don’t know what to do. I just feel like I have to exist now. ",1.6693478260869554,3.080004920289856,3.4552173913043482,91.66369565217391,77.69565217391305,6.684057971014493,24.681159420289852,7.423996415210882,0.9744072463768112,1002,35,229,13,23,336,136,276,0.228,0.6559999999999999,0.116,-0.9857,1,0,1,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,1,15,15,0,1,13,0,28,1,0,3,4,60,46,23,4,12,13,0,1,2,1,7,1,1,0,1,22,14,0,0,12,0,0,4,13,7,1,1,5,2,31,8,31,30,7,28,0,2,0,0,5,13,0,7,9,168,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019768641082368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466890261011518,0.10241083871794206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012789748511959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174437467124442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990975950223834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419189791009366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830107286076914,0.07598346481297727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845037258184073,0.0,0.05816816268602085,0.08218528017023861,0.0,0.0,0.21029069472193768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888035530653628,0.0,0.0,0.1103577652472584,0.19614127499010955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315372006069213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528939978619922,0.09377373141810008,0.0,0.12181175915940835,0.0,0.1176371692219232,0.0,0.11240639787905199,0.11530125775489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663347046242856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161585685506052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887266753928757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779547273782632,0.0,0.1224116855196178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595098243069177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969138985599252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100786558841453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148518363294578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001280400540495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974738265827786,0.08856414640061824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775083936964615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642809771877916,0.22114079356767533,0.11302715272383446,0.09132966688376302,0.13416261024720966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356240495672487,0.18262830835329025,0.0,0.0,0.1034356330640945,0.0,0.1038065670625888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086089634187269,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnsatisfactoryNay,2018/01/05,"It’s all just too much I’ve been contemplating suicide for the last 4 months. I can’t seem to get it off my mind. It just seems like a greater idea than suffering any further. It would all be over and that would be so peaceful.

People talk about the fact that it would destroy your family. I honestly dont care about that anymore. My life is about me, not anyone else. I want to be happy again. ",1.60027777777778,3.7075382098765455,2.635293209876544,94.20256944444448,80.48148148148148,6.0253086419753075,21.23611111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.42901111111111057,309,9,69,4,8,98,61,81,0.161,0.6679999999999999,0.17,0.2183,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,3,15,15,2,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,4,9,8,4,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941784102946145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332068153904095,0.14335188283609265,0.21006301530170807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090273717464148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027710574057426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126447582996193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932707428180945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071123450586612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182432358244661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314379943784295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711532009098312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480879189623666,0.1001604120778666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070076136577619,0.0,0.1636417339290638,0.0,0.15071027456399472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213220986086206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732775476148401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425411713768406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478401306020732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092368850134512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43691223553413017,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ABagOfBones,2018/01/05,"I never thought I’d live to be 18. I am officially recognised by law that I am an adult. 

Looking at the path ahead of me fills me with great pain.

I can’t bring myself to take any steps towards it. 

There’s going to be so many expectations, disappointments and just...pressure. Too much pressure.

I don’t know how to be a person who has things figured out.

I’m so sorry to anyone who ever knew me. 

I know I’m a coward. I know I’m a failure. I know I’m a burden.

I know I’m a mistake.

I was never meant for this world. I have known that fact for a long time now. 
 
I’m really tired of fighting off the inevitable.

My brain is too broken down, I can’t function anymore.

This battle with myself has gone on long enough. 

I can’t even find solace in my sleep.

I have nightmares every night.
A peaceful rest is all I want.

I hope to finally have one now where I never wake up.

**Update** I’m just posting this as a reminder to myself of how low I got when I wrote this.

My 18th birthday was in August last year 2017. I’m still going, my attempt failed. I am somehow dragging myself on the path of adulthood. I’ve learnt that it helps to take things one day at a time and not think the world is going to thrust a whole big bag of responsibility at you all at once and expect you to figure it out. 

It’s strange. I was scared and dreaded the number 18 for a long time and yet here I am.

Even though I’m still extremely depressed and suicidal and feel overall like a waste of space, I’m gonna try really hard this year to change things and maybe find a reason to like the number 18.

TLDR: Not dead.",0.6866381522668981,2.7520760299401203,2.6167442258340468,93.29870059880241,83.61077844311376,4.894987168520104,19.423096663815226,6.025991092188313,-0.1493444653550049,1230,33,273,9,35,410,171,334,0.181,0.7440000000000001,0.075,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,2,0,42.0,0,2,0,3,21,16,2,3,20,0,22,5,3,3,7,48,55,15,2,5,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,17,12,0,0,16,0,0,7,9,12,0,2,9,3,35,4,40,42,6,53,0,4,1,0,9,20,0,2,27,176,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606238600750939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092594784382284,0.07820868668363612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486249471817125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832332559375715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213451895969626,0.0,0.0963369383508561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557178584965815,0.0,0.14775280960778436,0.10117546079880677,0.09423913111416317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655513003872919,0.0,0.0,0.12252709461480132,0.20445922712274447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070217797499112,0.0,0.08945731014636296,0.12331591237392794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019635560015197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497123991351043,0.0,0.0,0.11109309147543446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30735139882921464,0.0911733382949371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928931146664342,0.0,0.0987663140160604,0.2969533400807466,0.09392650965826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339916518381198,0.11236917194263736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222321472301294,0.0,0.2587987190776851,0.0,0.0,0.10496440776146876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911746173301703,0.1515860065173033,0.0,0.1190171474074385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766381259400704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071221571094418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330898537607126,0.11500126092198235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198217287016027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193158684611626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520782390722635,0.0,0.0,0.17864840194711235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223466315038923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819577752184084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222926123441253,0.07166948240853457,0.10989285246480668,0.0887970489094775,0.1956633195504838,0.12855605163497724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759393575903241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597250541483778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248774344166024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405650832786002
suicidewatch,runningonfumes121,2018/01/05,"I have no motivation to live Hello,

I'm a 20F in my third year of college and I really wish I weren't alive. I've been suicidal since I was about 15/16 and every year since then I've regretted not taking my life. I started seeing a therapist a few months ago and a psychiatrist a few weeks ago but I feel it's too late. I waited many years to see a mental health professional because of trauma relating to them (I was almost institutionalized at 17 and the entire process was very upsetting). High school was a very stressful experience but I eventually got accepted to several very high ranking colleges and attend one. I thought college would be a better experience and I thought my suicidalness would go away. So far I've been miserable and with my graduating in about one year, I feel like I've wasted my time and opportunities. I feel incredibly stupid and messed up (in regards to my suicidalness) compared to other students. I feel really behind my peers in regards to the fact that I've never been in a  relationship (romantic or casual) either and I don't see that changing in the foreseeable future. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 last month. While I'm glad that I finally have a diagnosis, I feel like my life is ruined because I'm pre-med and this is the time of college where I need to start prepping for med school applications and mcat but I've hit a wall with everything. Also, I ask myself, who'd want a bipolar doctor anyways? I feel like either I don't have close friends because I'm that awful to be around or because I've inadvertently pushed them away. Anyways, I really want to kill myself but I never find the final push to complete an attempt and it's upsetting to live in this stage where I feel like my life is distressing but I can't end it all.

Edit: another thing is that I feel like a huge financial burden. My parents are paying for my tuition and this is a very expensive school. And I've had some physical health problems which also led to bills for them. That plus the fact it's been hard for me to find a paying job on campus, I feel like dying would alleviate the financial burden I am. ",3.8038967297762483,5.8041881710843395,5.468984509466442,76.97156626506026,73.31325301204821,8.694664371772806,28.00172117039587,9.312151188531436,2.6389841652323582,1701,67,314,41,35,578,197,415,0.16899999999999998,0.732,0.1,-0.9879,2,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,3,5,13,26,2,5,23,1,30,9,0,2,5,64,60,28,5,9,10,1,10,6,1,3,9,0,0,0,17,21,0,1,15,1,5,5,8,14,0,3,14,13,46,12,41,39,6,50,0,3,3,0,9,21,0,4,29,201,63,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278038418160086,0.0,0.07218601086371186,0.0,0.0,0.11529796142912448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559085919303361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641738630924201,0.06739282140316626,0.0,0.13545864584134476,0.0,0.0,0.17577741373895747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375623569063121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625985390256186,0.0,0.07558320216196128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316809848527672,0.0748162653642943,0.0,0.0,0.07378542105260187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384882938230789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060737494780569536,0.0,0.06478830817292043,0.14103236360571494,0.0,0.0,0.3280500560051267,0.30899933935995005,0.0,0.15793839950899952,0.13177478498993314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569523523536992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040969437368035086,0.0,0.05765559215010551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457694965294206,0.0,0.0,0.1532529658524284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523304759068441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153650596596121,0.0,0.0797550138405236,0.0,0.0,0.058761579116295475,0.08131873282297067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275427669551525,0.21131218761140536,0.0,0.12731056432978932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308621293556886,0.0,0.0,0.08007384077948332,0.0,0.07264804254385719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508037311917628,0.0,0.0,0.053452554763213415,0.11119786910426786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769778403939866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800455167015958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897875928506719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385448164957617,0.0,0.0,0.07739584684385288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887159900227254,0.17233510520869602,0.0,0.0,0.08143925034472416,0.0,0.11926435943410794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204892760303494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257689441936604,0.0,0.0,0.2365586716855176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054201423753424835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370006270402264,0.047892257702599535,0.0,0.0,0.11446010231430938,0.0840705250529088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23792156092965466,0.08503908420888641,0.0,0.05782487918952566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828979776266201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536283620271243,0.0,0.0,0.1856899850248193
suicidewatch,amsakagc,2018/01/05,"I'll get money or I'm gonna kill myself Fuck this. I'll keep this post as a reminder to myself. 

And please don't even try to 'understand', 'support' or any of that fake bullshit. Or maybe if you support financially that's fine lol. 

Those who write online to grab attention as they apparently attempt suicide are stupid attention seekers. I'm not attempting suicide cuz if I was I wouldn't be posting here. 

I'm gonna give myself 6 months (June.18) . If by then I don't have a job, i'll kill myself

If passed, i'll give myself an additional year to get a car (June.19) if not accomplished, I'll kill myself. 

Then I'll give myself an additional couple of years (June.21) if by then I don't have a business that's worth 6-months salary, I'll kill myself 

These things are most likely not gonna happen. As I have enough time to do each task. 

Note to myself: if you go to prison, don't commit suicide until you get out. So you can be happily drugged and have a painless death  ",2.087282491944148,4.2504605102040856,3.4239742212674527,88.88794307196565,79.10204081632655,6.167132116004296,24.091299677765843,7.273561745256523,1.004391836734694,764,27,157,10,19,249,102,196,0.264,0.6559999999999999,0.079,-0.9929,3,0,1,0,0,8,28.0,0,4,1,3,3,11,6,0,7,1,16,2,0,1,1,28,35,21,8,8,13,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,3,0,2,3,8,7,0,0,1,1,19,4,16,28,3,14,0,0,0,1,10,1,1,11,9,92,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829757893815776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500956330997338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415010593160458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607624693981162,0.0,0.08059112167045003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280281184701513,0.1912466435743228,0.3511496655836275,0.06934511079146168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078992889619116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108311098541108,0.10845437507438764,0.5399752231169992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059611375384796286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258254353438287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478571678161086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339380980088008,0.0,0.0,0.23371724219999546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40040059982644505,0.2769270422534312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106271723006772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114913272691006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828415787609522,0.0,0.0,0.12702406941714878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714998071290967
suicidewatch,brainjunk,2018/01/05,"Life is boring. I want to play a game before I die. I wish to end all my connections with friends and family, get on a train with as much money as possible and just go wild. I want to ruin my life over a span of 3-6 days, across the country. No money on any cards, only cash. The risk doesn't matter, being I plan to die when I run out of money and things to do. It won't matter how much I damage my body, my emotions, or other people. I'll be dead in less than a week after I start. I won't have to deal with the consequences, and any that I do have to deal with, I can off myself before they get too much. It's an unrealistic goal, though. I probably couldn't pull it off, so I guess I won't die for a good few months still. I just don't want to waste my time on Earth following stupid guidelines that ruin all the fun when I can live a much shorter life but live it in the most exhilarating way. ",2.736153846153848,3.032337282051288,4.541025641025642,89.2223076923077,73.61538461538461,7.641025641025642,21.15384615384616,7.61054688173877,0.4413076923076922,690,12,166,8,13,236,111,195,0.149,0.76,0.091,-0.8326,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,9,10,1,1,12,0,15,4,1,1,2,25,25,13,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,0,2,4,4,7,6,0,0,0,0,23,4,29,19,9,26,0,3,0,0,5,11,0,3,10,112,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141370528619966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270028193962305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816144737910886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602274429193002,0.2750296075498517,0.0,0.0,0.4152999052861791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004096366326405,0.11814014268150795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257441706138509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305346395606724,0.0,0.139377049992328,0.0,0.07580616940146973,0.11187759998997472,0.0,0.0,0.146939390883749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826428020467242,0.0,0.0,0.2355640405672376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646719627962294,0.0,0.392215359690976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101445838406431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247285225829148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037233957765145,0.0,0.0,0.143812348912701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441108775330256,0.0,0.1065219954363656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861553474138484,0.0,0.1310507768461407,0.0,0.07777827660386252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360230321950063,0.10587536316283866,0.10699396596743983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338697670048582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Susantobe,2018/01/05,"Depressed, lonely and suicidal thoughts but certainly don't want to act on them. My brain is messing with me. I am mainly lonely. I am certain I don't want to act on my thoughts. I try to distract myself. Any suggestions? Sometimes I watch comedy. This seems to have helped the most. But I am running out of comedians I know.",1.1342857142857137,3.771838619047621,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000002,91.38095238095238,5.974603174603175,26.04761904761905,7.3871296695380915,1.8101619047619049,255,12,48,5,9,84,43,63,0.219,0.613,0.168,-0.1446,0,4,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,7,1,1,0,2,14,13,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,1,12,2,9,11,2,6,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908046825882173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432223235945098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648112061463555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060811232704911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896965178260848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798961878534724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040816204097491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363067127843959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881710800963334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087422874519285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626907607915466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rockbanddrumset,2018/01/05,"Why keep going? No one will ever want me. I've tried to find love so many times, people get interested but never enough to stay with me. I just get tossed aside eventually in favour of someone better. forgotten, worthless. This last time was extremely painful, I had (still have) really strong feelings for someone ive been talking to for months, who told me they didn't need anything serious, all of a sudden they're seeing someone else, its facebook official and everything, after 3 weeks. I'm so heartbroken I dont know what to do with myself. Why do I have to keep living if I can never be happy, no one will ever give me a chance. I hate feeling like this, I dont know how to recover, what i felt for this person was unmatched by anything before, and i really thought itd be different this time but it wasnt. I'm just not dateable, ill never find love, I'll be alone the rest of my life, i should spare myself the years of misery. Ive started drinking to try and numb the pain a bit, it doesn't work, the only break from it i get is sleep, i want to sleep forever.",5.128942307692307,5.202902699074077,6.02240740740741,81.47871794871797,68.30555555555556,9.053561253561254,29.115384615384606,8.841846274778883,2.1153145299145297,837,27,170,13,13,277,131,216,0.185,0.654,0.161,-0.8961,1,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,3,8,14,1,0,7,0,24,10,2,1,6,32,48,9,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,12,5,1,2,8,1,0,1,11,6,0,2,9,4,22,8,21,32,4,20,0,1,1,2,8,1,0,1,17,108,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208197445294887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810959940924131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208617448757096,0.0,0.0,0.09571067856079088,0.11814683238039912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306554696520812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536631075504818,0.10601316294177274,0.0,0.0,0.09040286842587948,0.0,0.0,0.111818883997293,0.0,0.0,0.1957800864849732,0.0,0.0,0.0972600228176121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094372900576094,0.07731148732516006,0.10390695846973433,0.0,0.1978199301130032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696194705329225,0.10381327351410592,0.06150320213030819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152008578396954,0.0,0.10684359817829901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237957156563146,0.0,0.0,0.11894837536489045,0.08821271440513677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643809434072849,0.052870208551288767,0.0,0.09555912741686458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953432705409673,0.0,0.0,0.1097168137003054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637916339439639,0.0,0.0,0.08024282223968827,0.2503948843088789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466636338078302,0.0823052260000931,0.2303047322804773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502524621561421,0.0944924269439671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865538802335695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623632224987927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659378252509404,0.0,0.27508015399276786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659777903671589,0.11534677466480757,0.08642362314800649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698212153558686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591358901581067,0.18930964742382692,0.0,0.0,0.10340764080119008,0.0,0.14694683749661064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766042984900972,0.0,0.08680654315572349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530115556225675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878452940396592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968931852763137
suicidewatch,RonRonDirt,2018/01/05,"I'm a high school student outcast who's useless to society anyways. [Long Post] If I die nobody would care, and I'm okay with that. Outcasts don't belong anyways. 

I'm seventeen, which yes, I guess it's quite young to fully believe you want to die young. This is basically my story, nobody should read this actually, but I needed to get my mind off for a minute or two.

I don't really have a life so to say, no girlfriend, and only a small group of friends that seem like they don't actually value me. I guess a growing issue is I grew up almost privileged, my parents have worked hard to pull my family out of poverty, worked there way to middle class eventually, placed the ideas of hard labor means success. I don't feel that I have love, my parents like I said work hard but that's all they do, I feel like I can't really talk to them, as they got married directly out of high school and never really had any of the same experiences of  school as I do. I'm almost considered a legal adult, but even now I feel like I've never really connected with my parents though I've tried, like I was just the accidental son of theirs. They grew up as the popular kids, lots of great experiences, grew up with the lows and highs of friendships and love. I grew up with no friends, picked last for everything despite me being just as outgoing and personality driven as everyone else. Every friendship and relationship I've created after so many years has never been really meaningful or truly deep rooted, and most times just openly exploded in my face. I've been brushed off so many times I've grown all my life expecting to be this outcast to society, and it lingers in me knowing its true. I truly don't believe that there's anything wrong with my persona, in fact I believe I am an interesting person with no weird fetishes or anything terribly wrong with who I reflect. I don't have a problem making friends or loving others nowadays, I just feel nobody cares about me deep enough to listen to me, help me when I'm down, it's like I'm still alone like always even though I'm surrounded by these people. I always feel like I'm the one making other laugh and helping them through hardships, but never the other way around, like everybody could care less about how I am even though I've asked many people in my life for help. Everything I do is one sided with no real reason or deep intertwined trust socially, and I'd rather not grow up to be a forgotten lonely person. I write jokes for fun/time-wasting, taught myself how to play guitar, poetry and novels, pretty good photography, but it's all things I do to make sure I don't go mad eventually, all this artsy bullshit I do is just an output to keep my mind off of my depression for a minute or two a day, and I know for sure it'll never be good enough to actually go anywhere in life, or be noticed by anyone. 

I'm not physically attractive, emotionally attractive, or even intellectually attractive, I'm a useless member of society, with nothing to contribute after high school, which ends in six months. Everything I try to do to find meaning or purpose has always left me in failure, and I criticize myself heavily on that, like my grades and my social life. It's affected me to the point where I mess up on small things like missing a bus or dropping a cup and I burst into tears thinking, ""I can't even do that properly"". I was fired from my first job for example because nobody thought I was good enough even though I tried my hardest, my current job thinks of me of a playing chip rather than an employee knowing one day they'd fire me for business no problem one day. The closest I've ever gotten to having a real relationship was ruined because I had internal doubts about myself, and that person I was in love with saw clarity and agreed too that I probably be terrible for them. It's been three years since my last relationship, and I've accepted that only one person ever looked at me in my whole life for who I actually am. I think anyone wouldn't even notice I'm gone really, I've lived in it almost like a ghost anyways, invisible to everyone, ignored by most including my friends and family. I'm an outcast to my family and ""friends"", as well as everyone else, with no purpose in life, so I felt suicide was always a viable option to me. Therefore I've been sitting in my house for days, thinking about when I'm going to commit suicide...

I've tried professional help in the past, it didn't help. Therapy just gave me clarity on what's wrong with me, but it didn't help me change any of it. It's not how it's going to end, it's when I'm gonna commit suicide at this point. I have a plan on where, how, and when I'm gonna end it. I know what I'll put on my suicide note. If I die I know my so-called family and friends wouldn't care as they've pushed me to the side all my life. Even now after I wrote this holding back tears I don't know why I've considered typing this thing out, maybe just to write out my life story one last time before I kick the bucket. Or maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel pain for a minute or two. 

If I die, nobody would care and I'd be okay with that. Outcasts don't belong anyways. ",7.368748173034946,6.047248821878027,7.9018609418598045,74.4863422735987,64.16940948693127,11.12228992274548,34.09807717859651,10.194018383442646,3.2262372264297774,4095,143,803,78,51,1365,372,1033,0.142,0.6459999999999999,0.212,0.9979,7,3,1,0,0,7,109.0,0,1,9,8,56,70,1,1,35,3,63,15,1,12,18,167,136,69,9,17,34,4,12,12,7,9,10,3,0,7,48,44,0,3,27,6,0,16,30,20,1,12,25,18,107,50,125,93,14,119,0,7,2,4,56,58,0,26,52,511,155,19,0.0,0.0,0.14900704186073965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467552606988185,0.03953616030581705,0.0,0.0,0.1270534049255959,0.0,0.0,0.05191848196547879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053383498760179116,0.0,0.06282695954115887,0.03398244536121207,0.03568700341091862,0.0,0.0,0.029353010867319063,0.0,0.04654033644130762,0.0,0.03248277677351585,0.12902514819780428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946017767556444,0.0,0.04038242663941979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030478377138188125,0.0,0.0,0.09847481569478336,0.0,0.03287871876570218,0.0,0.1584719714448591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377800383400045,0.04293997001905027,0.10143098379803983,0.1183300707677234,0.0,0.2017055205239875,0.0690601046398052,0.032162760636446686,0.1094290428996266,0.102923450596744,0.07468187762815051,0.14394604738335462,0.0,0.11580979718468926,0.08181331667167784,0.03665247857204577,0.0,0.03488982285869896,0.03247029950679318,0.0,0.0,0.17695618094925286,0.0,0.01994404128677148,0.0,0.08677935843343658,0.09605418424573264,0.030530778662765413,0.04208634062577433,0.08410467228571289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025876840239986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352107020393327,0.16132929591278392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404701221067917,0.0,0.04309315525379531,0.0,0.039843142476270216,0.07576247675223513,0.033930297972115595,0.0,0.0,0.12587471070605533,0.09334931958742768,0.0,0.0,0.04147554268602835,0.0,0.24266719867032355,0.22379531241001294,0.0,0.033707837488383526,0.033782283729676024,0.032056066432701126,0.0,0.0,0.032453684541205494,0.1378120415252388,0.0,0.07644318154407967,0.11610559742199325,0.11505102192830816,0.08316411097950135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708856325020966,0.0,0.03046966711383953,0.0,0.0,0.02830511417151457,0.147208510171695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662843500732798,0.0869214046604519,0.0,0.0,0.15520382199443306,0.0580652263671925,0.0406192202585242,0.0,0.12716122732729446,0.0,0.03644085773104504,0.05292929886079244,0.1666578304663377,0.03988310887365657,0.0,0.07217245896281861,0.0,0.036559593209715115,0.038836101247622296,0.041157413281747234,0.07305363291323708,0.0,0.03837484007174369,0.0,0.04060214097725876,0.038183759625162315,0.0868994396620318,0.14672925798049616,0.03924864315060926,0.0,0.12295193135411955,0.0,0.0,0.0363116729421069,0.030357043190804036,0.0,0.15453419394963125,0.0,0.03475165638927067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0315774552341718,0.0,0.0,0.07782600786422643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03048534999196927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702214365573004,0.0,0.0719560108025271,0.0,0.0,0.030682356530172136,0.0,0.0,0.04365464331256138,0.0,0.07608219073206651,0.09783996861563987,0.15002080208911153,0.03030543889287995,0.0890369345533861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366901104401434,0.0,0.11186968098508623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022515677671875487,0.06060058278713204,0.0,0.0,0.03432249743295146,0.0,0.034445582494008,0.042619270620918616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337213363709445,0.0,0.0,0.05423461792641558,0.1252099572966571,0.0,0.049164873876632334
suicidewatch,Athrowawayforhelpooo,2018/01/05,"I just feel tired. I've been this way since I was 7, at least in soem shape or form. I remember writing a note to my parents that was I stupid and that I wanted to go away forever and it has stuck with me for the last decade.


I'm just exhausted. I feel like I've got no chance of doing anything.
I'm in my last year of high school and I've got nothing for grades, I'm barely passing and the only people I ever called friends have cut off communication from me last month.


During December my grandpa died and all I could think was that I wished I had died. Not because I wanted to take his place so he would love but because I just hated my self so much.


I've started hearing voices again and I'm not able to tell what is real anymore and I'm scared. I can barely go outside because I don't know what's happening and even inside my home I have trouble knowing what is real or what is just my head. I've been in therapy and on medication for the past 3 years and all I can think of is that I wish my mom didn't care as much as she did, so I would never have gotten any help and just killed myself.


I've tried to. Twice in 2017. Two more times before that. I hate that I can't find a reason for my headspace. It's nearly 5am here and I cant sleep because when I do I have nightmares and when I'm awake I hear the voices and I just can't deal with it anymore and I need help but I don't want it and I'm scared and I dotn know what to do. I'm 17 and I think I'm going to die before I'm 20. I know.",0.18913922155688567,1.8383389730538937,2.400385479041919,96.44333270958086,82.92215568862275,5.1330838323353305,18.820733532934128,5.985473137389443,-0.3693410179640719,1163,28,285,8,32,394,162,334,0.165,0.777,0.058,-0.9882,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,15,13,5,2,6,0,30,6,2,1,4,60,71,29,4,9,12,3,2,1,1,2,3,4,1,1,16,20,0,0,12,0,0,4,10,9,0,2,12,6,43,4,28,56,7,31,0,0,0,1,17,12,0,2,15,173,59,2,0.09272861483168277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305863788523812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392373798186806,0.0,0.0,0.07630774901644234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712158607370729,0.0,0.0,0.22610601170203184,0.0,0.1578104428731265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468628342381706,0.0,0.09454300285911653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403625354703693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559913019165127,0.0,0.0,0.2887129867051674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124637555193154,0.08387834092864488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377274768405736,0.06624534096380748,0.0,0.0,0.08475227403565755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164189779568353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809942622183806,0.0,0.14832708840214445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199960785470374,0.0,0.0,0.18310061896372404,0.09516631102333313,0.0,0.2090237764515098,0.0,0.12430807177273205,0.09797287272390737,0.09301436130529317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259047342397253,0.0,0.2038448865948476,0.22675859223353095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045302517303504534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369119525243128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341432389786143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086026329691224,0.07401509567606006,0.0,0.13633240278491304,0.06875709293768058,0.07151802429596868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897560683557147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705242900909113,0.0,0.0,0.10296415307887184,0.0,0.08851995531831447,0.06428634590282319,0.0,0.09688166621950438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110909291115915,0.0,0.09534045997596136,0.0,0.0,0.10504344424115526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856750401683276,0.09384630875413816,0.0,0.0,0.09673616862888852,0.0,0.0,0.0767060684198336,0.0,0.0927955823283336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563379084942632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697203781349215,0.0,0.08104889654203404,0.0,0.10604325243894501,0.0,0.0,0.17825025650034335,0.0,0.0,0.054070801012121264,0.10657790181872114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295664260457318,0.0,0.09058238269583437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408121862988034,0.07360365829164729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326666151949614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174349492498866,0.0,0.0,0.11942837544908833
suicidewatch,littlegroundmidget,2018/01/05,"What if i dont care.... I have a question; let me give some context. I can think of, and have heard of billion logical reasons why I shouldn't commit suicide. Think of your family, your friends, your teachers! I know, I know...... but I don't care. Even according to my own beliefs, which I view as more important than anything else in the whole of reality, I believe suicide is wrong, immoral and illogical..... but I don't care. I know I'll be missing out on all the happy things, and a chance at a fulfilling life, all the possible good.......but I don't care! Cognitively I understand that I shouldn't kill myself, that I should keep living, but to me life isn't worth it. I don't enjoy any of it. Every single moment is at the least discomfort. I am never satisfied or even content. And at the worst, I am screaming in my mind because the pain is pure agony. I don't enjoy analyzing data so why would I pursue it as a career? Same with life. I don't enjoy life so I don't want to continue it. To some extent I can oppose my emotions to obey logic, but not all the time, not forever, not life. We as humans need emotions to motivate us. We can't do anything continually if we lack the emotion, the care, the motivation to do it. This is why I can't continue living when I don't care. What should I do, and how when I don't have the motivation to do it? How do I do anything, including what will help me in my illness, if I don't care? Help!",1.2827831677381667,3.295210861016951,3.7772413793103454,86.09983050847461,81.0677966101695,6.9164231443600235,24.40970192869667,7.990435384864732,1.4560309760374044,1104,42,234,21,29,385,133,295,0.238,0.638,0.124,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,1,4,64.0,4,3,0,3,8,19,1,1,15,0,39,7,0,7,6,58,58,22,3,11,11,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,1,14,10,0,2,14,0,1,0,20,7,0,1,1,3,44,12,26,49,14,16,1,1,1,0,14,8,0,7,8,177,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971195474178868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677370500818746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352649688599867,0.0,0.0,0.09892872464777347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6266775477620248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029094666617114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335170702775264,0.2963140811508486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599174760835285,0.0,0.07398141219812437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277687965077017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783967910276008,0.0,0.0,0.08423273461330516,0.0,0.07364857221434523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347247184453386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771072456783953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804713620993431,0.0971457346918839,0.0,0.14476973794829642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978888285323347,0.3101043583831553,0.0,0.0,0.15507085649293312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886603118127894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510797821455727,0.06772237988639987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343312631276296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898950380967328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836423820613324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028049799468676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209380369554696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058335248613650324,0.11252670642026223,0.0,0.0,0.05120112535199354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141046491615072,0.10562133456677836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179100294256195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769721129030924,0.09803368134439894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237576540110735,0.09600346569314197,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kosms_Labyrinth,2018/01/05,"Just writing this because I need to put it down Its hitting me really hard right now. I dont have anyone to turn to so posting online is the best I can do. Right now Im 30(M) and life is mostly me just getting by. Today I couldnt get that out of my head. My life was rough growing up, and I keep reminding myself that I should be proud to have gotten this far. But because of how life was I didnt do the things people my age should have done. Today I thought ""maybe im not completely out of luck. Sure Im broke with no career, and im already middle aged, but i feel like im 18. i feel young and like i should be able to have those experiences still"" and I felt a little better. Then I made a really big mistake. You see I never was one for taking pictures of myself but there were a few times over the years that I snapped a selfie. I went to the mirror this afternoon, as if I expected to find something I liked. But damn, Im unmistakably old. Dark circles under my eyes from restless nights. Sunken cheeks. Scarred cheeks from latent acne. Completely bald. Pale skin. I thought, ""hey maybe its not that bad, maybe its just the depression messing with my eyes"". Thats when I made my mistake. I opened one of those old selfies and was taken aback. Fuck. I was actually cute. Head full of curly black hair, full smooth cheeks, a cute smirk, tan skin. I looked young and full of vitality. And I hated myself. I thought I was hideous. I was terrified of people, could barely say a word to anyone. But my god I was actually pretty cute and I never actually realized it until now. But it doesnt matter because all of that is gone. Its a cruel joke to play on someone. I could have found someone who loved me if I had just had the self esteem to go out. I know ther eis no way I could, not after what I had gone through in my early life, but still. Now here I am, my biggest mental scars patched, but it doesnt matter. If I was still that cute shy boy maybe I someone would ignore the fact that Im 30 with no money. maybe they would ignore the inexperience and teach me how to have a relationship. But not now, not like this. No one would ever put that much work into something that looks like its been rotting in a grave. I think about that a lot too. I havent had a week go by in my life where I didnt feel horrid at some point. I havent been given a hug in 12 years. I just keep telling myself ""just keep going, just dont give up, it will get better if you keep trying"" but... it hasnt. I dont know what Im doing this for. I hate this, it hurts so bad. It hurt when I was a kid, it hurt when I turned 18 and moved away from my horrible home. It hurts now. Its not getting better, Im not making the progress I need to to catch up. Im just getting older. Ive overcome so many things, so much damage, but no one can see that. They werent there, they didnt know what I was before so all they see is this broke 30 year old ugly guy with no car or a career or house of his own. ten years ago I wouldnt have been able to say hello to a stranger. Now I can, and people can tolerate if not like me. But no one wants me, not really. Everyone has their friends by now. Everyone has their lovers and families. No one has room for someone like me. Its too much work, too inconvenient. And the road ahead is far too long. I dont think I could learn how to have a lover, or integrate into a friend group. I just... I just think Im torturing myself by doing this. I think deep down I knew years ago that there was no way I could really fix myself. And I tried, I really really did. I pushed myself to learn how to communicate with others, I worked, I tried therapy and drugs and meditation. But deep down there has always been something broken in me. And even though I didnt give up, I didnt know what to do either. But I think now, looking in the mirror, that im that old chevy that someone left out in a field long ago. no matter how much rust you scrape off it wont ever be enough. Just go and buy one that runs. No point in breaking your back dealing with that mess. I cant really offer anything to anyone. Even I dont think Im worth salvaging anymore. I had hoped, for some reason, that things really would turn out ok. I read the upbeat quips and the promises that its all ok in the end but really... I dont think so. It was so hard to get here. And Im still broken. When I think of going through another 30 years of this... god I feel like im going to vomit. This is the real world. Its a world where cold and cruel things happen. A world where parent hurt their children, where strangers judge and condemn other strangers they just met, a world where peopel die cold and alone in the streets. This isnt a fairy tale. No prince charming shows up to slay the dragon. No enchanted dresser pulls you into a land of magic. If I havent fixed myself by now I never will. And today I realized I lost the only thing that I might have been able to bargain with, and I didnt even know I had it. I cant believe how cute I used to be. I should have pushed myself even harder and found someone who would take me in their arms and teach me what its like to be loved. But maybe Im wrong about that too. Maybe love is just another fairy tale. Maybe all the people i see with lovely lives, who smile and laugh and embrace, maybe they dont feel anything. maybe its no better than being alone. maybe I fooled myself into going forward because I wanted to believe there was a place that was different from the dark place where I started. But if thats true, then I dont want to do it for another 30 years. It hurt so much just to get here. Maybe Im just weak, and stronger people would have learned to cope faster. from a scientific standpoint, all these emotions are really just a form of selection right? just chemicals in the void. I dont really exist anyway. if i didnt, then it would be just like it was before i was born. I cant remember what it was like before I was born. I like that. Not remembering. no more nightmares. no more panic attacks. no more self hatred. no more long empty road, surrounded by people yet still, somehow, utterly alone. nothing i do means anything anyway. im just atoms in the void. I dont even really exist, I just think I do. 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suicidewatch,abdomino,2018/01/05,"How quickly can antidepressants stop working? I asked r/depression a couple days ago, but it didn't get any responses. Bad timing, I guess. If you want more details I didn't provide there, check my history.

I started Effexor roughly 4 and half months ago, slowly ramping up to the 300 mg dosage I'm at now. At first it was great, never felt so damn good in my life. About a month and a half ago, I noticed a decline in the way I felt. Dangerous thoughts becoming more frequent, taking certain measures to remove opportunities for me to hurt myself. The vivid, *vivid* daydreams of harming myself. I'm in the military. I haven't worn a belt since I started treatment. 

And is it normal to have a second... voice? Devil's Advocate? I know it's me. There's no thought of it being someone else. But I berate myself and argue and I'm worried that if I ever brought it up to my provider they'll put me back up on the ward. 

My visit was necessary, productive, best use of my time in years, but I don't want to go back. I want to be useful. I want to help. Sitting in a robe and socks in the same damn room for days or weeks is not what I need to get better. Therapy, sure, new drugs, bring it, but I don't want to go back. 

So yeah, can antidepressants start... stopping like that? It was so great at first and then it just... wasn't, anymore.",1.8081371986222727,3.904783309701497,3.400149253731346,89.04433409873711,79.7089552238806,6.212629161882894,24.859931113662448,7.321109707123232,1.1355730195177958,1029,39,214,14,26,340,151,268,0.134,0.67,0.197,0.9514,0,0,1,0,0,2,52.0,0,1,1,6,14,17,4,0,13,1,17,2,0,3,4,39,46,19,0,9,9,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,12,7,0,2,5,0,1,7,9,8,0,5,12,6,29,9,29,31,4,51,1,1,2,0,6,14,2,4,29,139,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944696826906828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530103863109876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981563322184372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035187594375557,0.0,0.0,0.25543645980197,0.09245595805968801,0.0,0.12229395209940755,0.0,0.0,0.11620560217433412,0.09793278108389858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225220081440916,0.0,0.14282497523239804,0.0,0.09537265259655944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284130806505426,0.0,0.09250174020326142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001627437953104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263870594015244,0.0,0.0,0.1883758680887566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570500265350415,0.0,0.1258622281391642,0.09287610840106207,0.0,0.2441631605030529,0.12198294204852457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422081437717806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854007993407208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085499225405844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782127477529723,0.05409768938817815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767692346584033,0.0,0.0,0.0821058095305666,0.0854027567187794,0.10694491918065384,0.0,0.0,0.10849310227519968,0.0,0.1260682478073624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131547785337716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159802391915847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938222181912831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23512841948406976,0.0,0.0,0.18515254552131705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436288088668667,0.0,0.08325610992211988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663082039616438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581646754021082,0.1291365501182621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127247277095855,0.0,0.0,0.326560764103733,0.08789330220700813,0.0888219195115193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061365969750167,0.11245294669621364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130728647919643
suicidewatch,sinflowrr,2018/01/05,"how much ativan could kill a 16 year old female approximately 5'6 in height and 120 pounds? I need to know because a friend of mine is considering suicide with that option and while I am trying to get help for her, I was wondering how much would be lethal? I believe she is planning to pair it with a melatonin overdose (although she claims OD-ing on melatonin isn't capable of killing.) 
also: is this suicide method very painful? Or would you be able to die in your sleep if paired with sleeping pills? and how long does it take to take effect?",6.6982857142857135,6.699881257142856,6.069285714285716,82.71821428571431,65.0,8.523809523809524,32.73809523809524,7.793537801064563,2.117380952380952,432,16,85,4,6,132,77,105,0.203,0.747,0.05,-0.964,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,2,0,2,4,4,2,0,3,0,11,4,2,4,0,19,17,11,6,5,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,1,14,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,4,55,14,0,0.17197985433006888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375322273731461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483732294031356,0.0,0.0,0.1937624028723784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731191955444846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848793667730145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050072947602994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328712088409371,0.0,0.0898523756807402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527447117770265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805404557618672,0.0,0.0945156302780586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521967591917063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528499623765181,0.12752088283692448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046392699400327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829986904884945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34420811224817305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762360943544403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586148945985184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676303203598948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419013910097004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650481585153988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443391083460073,0.0,0.0,0.11074938760755272
suicidewatch,SeplerKeven,2018/01/05,"9 more months I told myself about 3 years ago that if my life didn’t change for the better, I would set a date for my suicide. I tried everything. I got a new job, finally got my drivers license after failing so many times, I started trying to pass classes, and a few other milestones.

But every single time, I keep having to remind myself that I’m still the most hated, ugly, despicable, unloved, unfunny, unwanted, annoying piece of shit in the existence of mankind. I keep forgetting that I’m hated by everyone. I keep forgetting that no one actively wants me in their life. I keep forgetting that I’m doomed to fail, and no matter what I do, I’ll just make people hate me more.

Well, I remembered. And I was an idiot to let myself get distracted from that and inconvenience everyone I’ve ever met.

So here I am. September 21st 2018 is my last day alive. Or maybe sooner, since everyone is anticipating and looking forward to the day I can actually do something right and off myself. It’ll be the only thing right I can do. I have nothing else. ",3.7242457775189273,5.694312158415843,5.342137449039022,77.92589691322075,73.45544554455445,8.71333721607455,28.21898660454281,9.325443323948027,2.7182145602795567,824,33,150,20,17,279,130,202,0.254,0.695,0.052000000000000005,-0.9928,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,3,8,13,6,1,9,0,16,3,1,1,1,25,35,11,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,11,1,1,6,1,27,2,16,25,6,23,1,3,1,0,3,6,1,3,16,102,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.11715131937304735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064169333455528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617432132628436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699680501582544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548444213051808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002862308093516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859194671021208,0.10114716180355256,0.34413827946204745,0.10789304882296892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150872379446124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272108274075926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202963603141465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35557306755799223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913093501700785,0.4268232292397505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785663653367532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227590876177744,0.16958949434146153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081162419184883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013419556669414,0.12171168784801105,0.12060619279738873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582263116342987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159448765533641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519105229103935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134887358939016,0.09130330746339793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322743834921986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599305819599447,0.20504380246454246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322942816132833,0.0993064622163006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242022635955056,0.0,0.0,0.08497188951762037,0.0,0.09587195151343543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131503215848284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975577452581997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000404579012254,0.0,0.0,0.11471275982068248,0.0,0.16301191232634288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080850174325802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793921705274057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527995679171685,0.0,0.0,0.07730815630632983
suicidewatch,VIIVICE,2018/01/05,"Do I Deserve Depression So I'm 18 and still in high school but as my final year comes to a close, I find myself contemplating suicide more and more. I have been contemplating it since 9th grade (for reasons I will discuss later in this passage) and I have had this tremendous pain in my chest throughout my four years of high school because of it. 

However everytime I think about killing myself I fall back onto the question of whether or not I deserve depression. 
For instance I have a roof over my head, I am able to eat three meals a day (although eating has been hard lately) and I'm relatively healthy. But even so I think to myself how shitty of a life I think I have and how bleak my future looks. So here are a couple of reasons of why I want to commit suicide: 
1. My GPA is one of the lowest in my class. Every college I've looked at doesn't accept students who's GPA is as low as mine. 2.8 and above is all I see. I blew my chance on a college education for music which was the biggest blunder of all my life decisions.
2. I'm an asshole, so much so that I've driven numerous people out of my life. It's not even like I try to be one it's just gotten to the point where I just do it subconsciously.
3. My family thinks I'm some sort of violent sociopath. Because my younger brother and I fight sometimes my parents talk about me behind my back saying how much of a violent person I've become (even though I haven't even been in a school fight or have had any violent incidents outside of my home which in response they say that it's called domestic abuse for a reason) and that they are afraid that I'm going to beat my spouse in the future.
4. I have never had a girlfriend or been to a social event. In fact not only have I not been invited to anything I also haven't even touched a girl (As weird as that is for me to say). Plus I'm incredibly socially awkward which doesn't help my case.
5. I'm unnatractive. I might see myself as being unattractive just because I've never had anyone show any interest in me but I still see myself as being ugly regardless. Plus I'm weaker then half the freshmen in my school so that's fucking great.
6.  I might be losing my sanity. I've started to hear loud quick 5 second crowds (as if I was in NYC), seeing figures out of the corner of my eye (like more than I used to and they are becoming more frequent), hearing my name be yelled out, being afraid to look in the mirror, having violent thoughts and laughing whilst having them, and being paranoid; to the point were I think everyone is watching me, judging me, and (as crazy as this sounds) that people are reading my mind. 

No matter how much I think I deserve depression I know people who have lives that are worse than mine (from what I've heard anyway), which then makes me feel like I don't deserve my emotions. Can't be happy because I don't deserve anything, can't be sad because I don't have it as bad as some and I might not be losing my mind.
I know this post is long and I'm sorry if I wasted your time but do I deserve to be depressed? Is suicide a viable option? Is any of what I'm going through normal? I know I didn't write this great but anything helps thanks!
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suicidewatch,msb132,2018/01/05,"My acne makes me want to kill myself Tonight I cried harder than I have in 4 or so months. Which is a huge deal considering the amount of crying I’ve been doing this past semester. I cried for a couple hours until I had no tears left to cry, wondering what the purpose of life as an ugly person is when your quality of life is so obviously less than an attractive person.

In the past year my self esteem has taken a huge hit, and I’m just now staring to realize the extent to which my self hatred has permeated my life. My most listened to song of 2017 was Papercut by Zedd, which is fitting because each night I cry myself to sleep I’m one papercut closer to death by a thousand papercuts.

I’m not entirely sure when my acne started. Probably around the time of my first period. And since then it’s been a never ending struggle of self esteem issues, self hatred, and anger.

I have days where my acne seems to clear up, and I get my hopes up and think that maybe the day has come where it goes away permanently. Where I don’t have to worry about my redness, itchy skin, dry flaky patches, and oily patches. Where I don’t have to field the passive-aggressive comments from “well meaning” aunties asking why I still have pimples when I’m almost 20. Where I don’t have to worry about accidentally popping a whitehead on my chin. Where I don’t have to discreetly wipe blood off my forehead in class from an especially large pimple popping. But every time, my acne just gets worse. Every time, I grow more resentful of my situation. Every time, I feel more and more like a child. Every time, I get more embarrassed about the way I look.

I’ve grown so resentful of my acne and the way it makes me feel. I’m so jealous of the people with nice skin who don’t understand how pretty they are. Sometimes I can use my hair to cover it, but sometimes it’s impossible. When I wear makeup I can decently cover the redness, but I can never get my skin to be smooth. I also have significant scarring which will never go away even if the acne does.

How can I feel beautiful or expect others to find me beautiful when I’m so obviously not?",5.4532802197802175,5.845007540476196,6.4714285714285715,77.4374175824176,67.64285714285714,9.31868131868132,29.249084249084248,9.265573868473778,2.4150897435897445,1677,55,320,30,26,561,211,420,0.114,0.81,0.077,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,1,1,1,29,13,5,2,22,0,32,11,8,5,7,49,63,30,2,4,10,0,8,1,0,1,3,2,0,7,14,12,0,0,10,1,0,4,11,7,1,3,5,14,46,6,47,55,9,57,0,0,4,0,14,21,0,8,31,217,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280208777454458,0.0,0.0,0.06612716098486945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361162891578213,0.07730398516874404,0.0,0.15537994894817528,0.0,0.0,0.05040705486785773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123011082181607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149490925003724,0.4541553961859439,0.10665641500226457,0.08524975633536835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236257389622512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323879393747572,0.0,0.0,0.05461596336451395,0.0,0.27867955654298954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543164161019738,0.05907375061045456,0.0,0.0,0.07557715949845688,0.0703360694815257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280844279188692,0.0,0.04699463107092257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212982521522573,0.0814329907325426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630687367041291,0.0,0.0,0.09148423049656072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984292404011106,0.0,0.17521917163090528,0.0403981558593704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943877174410296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039243062414417,0.0,0.08307321660293511,0.0900736484891331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600236695536517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132687083854014,0.0,0.0,0.07759896091446307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056032882220642594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787391802782375,0.05732683250276568,0.14440343232273867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412545486908272,0.08915380283631827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752778679445957,0.34505480490867657,0.0,0.0,0.06840202028120522,0.09294702156716587,0.08274971505106757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635650434622366,0.0,0.05852840570895445,0.0,0.06603633867791034,0.0,0.0,0.08644553912623283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793434388187759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052984411409419015,0.0,0.0,0.24108601207462024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608320343358904,0.0,0.07141760816402762,0.0,0.0,0.04877270284560662,0.13127094194634462,0.0,0.0,0.07434823826366309,0.0,0.07461486097851668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967377477866907,0.0,0.16795141230086838,0.08426817167718682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053249647178551435
suicidewatch,ehdoosteen,2018/01/05,"How to cope with friends leaving for college? Its that time of the year, semester, where peeps leave for college. Its making me super depressed with my 2 best friends whom I made my senior year are leaving town for college later in January. I'm not doing the same, and not only do I feel like I'm being left behind, I feel like our friendship will fade. Its really hitting me hard.",3.894909909909913,5.716918581081085,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,72.64864864864866,6.5549549549549555,28.54954954954956,7.1686216300943375,1.6444306306306309,301,12,55,3,6,96,53,74,0.071,0.672,0.257,0.9519,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,11,12,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,6,9,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,36,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136528114187464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347242432491305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036758834933824,0.28777184590097626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112146586093741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042201685066292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6397860063226146,0.21883039272935886,0.0,0.0,0.19679556084574976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057712938509547,0.13444141097324927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531798677842522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902712887859624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744263060781587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594003106929111
suicidewatch,NoOne2212,2018/01/05,Worried about the hotline Last time I was feeling this way I called the suicide hotline and the police arrived at my door and forced me into an ambulance. I don't know if this is the proper place to post but I don't have anywhere else to turn and I am teetering on the brink. There is no one to talk to right now but I need someone. is there anyone out there? ,1.699542857142859,3.624354306666668,2.905904761904761,93.31200000000001,79.26666666666667,5.352380952380952,24.04761904761905,6.18269132825596,0.502161904761905,283,10,61,2,7,91,52,75,0.126,0.856,0.017,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,12,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,8,0,9,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,3,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435161784009716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838216997212166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321945641561451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405416902683254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275602785533848,0.226569279614448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609907031743824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834855089518865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904023495691117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662027125574682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373708532165393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23550918083506106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040361215404845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340857265930225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620769777165817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023336972675179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206266277083622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822753700506158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway74925252,2018/01/05,"I can't do this anymore 2017 was the worst year of my life. I lost my girlfriend of 5 years, all of my friends, failed my senior year of high school, failed a suicide attempt, and was medically declined being able to march in the professional marching band I tried out for. I'm 17 and I recently broke my back but have been slowly recovering. Ive been through so many serious injuries that I feel like I'm living in the body of a 100 year old man. I'm broken. Physically and mentally. Those that I'm forced to call family always take advantage of me because ill do anything anyone asks because I'm a nice ass person and I have a huge heart but nobody wants me unless theyre trying to take advantage of me. I have multiple methods I'm going to use at once. I'm not sure when I'll do it but it'll be soon most likely. Its a shame really. I'm very educated and very good at multiple trades. I know it may not sound that way because of my not graduating last year but that was just because I was so depressed I couldnt do any work. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont get why everything is crashing down around me. My parents told me I have to be out of the house by next week. I dont have a job because no one is willing to hire a 17 year old dropout. I dont have anywhere to go. There's no reason to go on anymore. I'm probably going to be dead within the next week. If my resolve is strong enough ill do it tonight but I'm not 100% sure that this is the correct decision. I have everything prepared so that if I decide to do it I can immediately do it without hesitation. Attached is a poem I read every morning And every night. I thought that a thread like this may appreciate it as much as I do. I'm really not a big fan of poetry but this poem I love. Anyways.... When Tomorrow Starts Without Me by David Romano(maybe)

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
 
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
 
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
 
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It almost seemed impossible
That I was leaving you.
 
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
 
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
 
But as I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, ""This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
 
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.
 
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?""

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart",2.0475865800865805,3.4237704544334977,3.4350291088222136,92.3481631586804,76.59852216748769,6.842394387221974,23.017316017316016,7.520522993642371,0.7022513957307064,2987,87,695,39,66,979,316,812,0.103,0.711,0.18600000000000005,0.998,2,0,1,0,0,3,99.0,3,21,0,10,38,44,0,1,31,0,75,23,9,3,13,130,146,76,3,14,31,1,4,3,2,12,8,5,2,2,33,41,0,0,25,2,2,14,28,12,0,2,33,14,101,33,86,93,22,107,4,8,5,7,48,29,1,11,64,442,134,12,0.05079401162662358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086286546428562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267940600903533,0.0,0.0,0.03454166970698085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112203232660235,0.03551635394893088,0.0,0.04179914363843528,0.04521743930352168,0.04748554418334031,0.0,0.047722645959829335,0.03905745961365011,0.04241087804094765,0.15481779017309405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642069622693183,0.0,0.0,0.1037327299634777,0.058094817621761725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750908681435389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110977027503175,0.0,0.05579483666880779,0.03275793541543364,0.0,0.04374880778481655,0.0,0.05271616472821833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812081332937535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052483792105478974,0.0,0.03354896562965202,0.0,0.12838843656956467,0.0,0.09130076486646514,0.0,0.04788407361031168,0.0,0.025682978467705068,0.0362872520551833,0.04877021672627492,0.0,0.046424806415625575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392433273827357,0.0,0.05307554925878672,0.0,0.11546962942346985,0.12781082114055925,0.0,0.056000577136966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057344502353906,0.0,0.05366666206828268,0.05095053515206587,0.0,0.0,0.05860946968257921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050405218894854636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116602416473146,0.12421169658636375,0.0,0.10756704847259026,0.05518784225359872,0.0,0.17938656284634816,0.07444616512841422,0.0,0.08970408571148164,0.044951101895231285,0.04265417696764075,0.0,0.05544766391079205,0.0,0.2292178931182291,0.0,0.0,0.10299431070805178,0.1020588237162668,0.0,0.0,0.05116962291277494,0.051188416840601984,0.05388441942475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137610085616525,0.0,0.039175473117941936,0.0,0.1080400152208247,0.04766673903087347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659954145939626,0.054093964645147895,0.06883867367510665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056400738845359476,0.0,0.09697726311965596,0.0,0.0443513717360065,0.10613786239107716,0.055756571610614855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476453554697878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508077572075424,0.0,0.0650798890060337,0.052224703682859266,0.05015295864606936,0.0,0.0,0.04337780839537216,0.09663347353708426,0.08078687353567235,0.0,0.05140625152900169,0.08095250188712891,0.0462409604952173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420173313083761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976131432333625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556040451783779,0.0,0.09574550967131368,0.0,0.1527631014019119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012358529510918,0.1301870067121728,0.049904858527874386,0.2419486289122969,0.0888551899623161,0.0,0.14444035150245113,0.048535854838786384,0.05643401587124505,0.10345739906395984,0.05524929878215165,0.0,0.052878357450346934,0.0,0.04386971746073202,0.0,0.08382075834239827,0.05991924816968939,0.12095376648775025,0.08148778455865423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583369498991528,0.0,0.058410606609704624,0.24481807309766646,0.0,0.03697864541794072,0.0,0.0,0.03608260850816411,0.0,0.0,0.1962580688427504
suicidewatch,snizzsnatcher,2018/01/05,"Hello everyone. I can’t turn off the dark self-depreciating thoughts... could use some internet hugs from strangers. It’s just one of those nights where you can’t turn off your negative brain.  I keep cycling through ‘you’re worthless’; ‘you are such a waste of space’.  ‘Why don’t you just kill yourself, you’re obviously not contributing shit to society or anyone around you.’ ‘You’re just a ball of negativity that pulls everything and everyone around you down with you.’

Do any of you have any experience with this?  How do we close this negative feedback loop?

I’d post my personal details about how I landed in depression (fucked up this, fucked up that...) but truthfully the details are irrelevant... I know Many people suffering worse; and many people who have it better.  I just want to hear how everyone here might find a way to quiet the ugly voice inside.

If not, please send some internet hugs my way.  I just want to believe in the world again; like there’s something still worth living for... 😞

Peace and love everyone.  Remember you are not alone.",4.954306994818651,7.154632549222798,5.010748056994816,80.62265058290157,70.65803108808291,9.177331606217617,28.64281088082901,9.673873057562805,2.788533937823834,834,32,154,21,16,260,120,193,0.147,0.682,0.171,0.7441,0,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,7,0,1,17,13,4,0,7,0,12,7,2,4,2,37,24,9,1,4,11,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,9,9,0,1,4,1,1,2,9,7,0,1,1,3,16,6,23,21,2,22,0,3,0,5,14,14,3,5,4,96,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282476885560032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841355493061178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658289361015567,0.0,0.0,0.2204650140704176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951090928717505,0.0,0.10951514153331453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823216517896164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988659846751899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665223055977416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732889825151775,0.11128794952215178,0.1211268128815153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317586485752375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289525979917053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956231230876726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006335094963746,0.13699650762191865,0.0,0.06805221924620403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049574049057292,0.0,0.1093417319908664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175892931992296,0.0,0.0,0.25108279581032283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313611459387592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620348755921235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390855051797062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716924502349253,0.10812118006270492,0.0,0.13592513788916705,0.0,0.0,0.11859227824417372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027213764912147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917882938423006,0.0,0.12710689456336902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532826811487707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888860326974112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830500631886624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26937698421235257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069469880008471,0.0,0.0,0.14607304277169195,0.19657661764521175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117348346842798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619054847811045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3373771,2018/01/05,Tomorrow is the day It’s all been building up and there’s finally nothing left to hold on to. ,1.2325000000000017,3.2899092500000013,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,81.5,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.7100000000000004,75,4,16,2,2,26,18,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33450389670841746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681855399065183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563544315313006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976847797616658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I5This1t,2018/01/05,"Today someone told me to “live every day like it could be your last.” Who says I’m already not, you turd! It’s the only thought that makes me feel what I assume is joy. ",1.4475000000000016,2.8030554166666697,2.8566666666666687,95.955,78.16666666666666,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.5127666666666664,129,3,30,0,3,42,33,36,0.0,0.825,0.175,0.7644,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,16,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536709772930893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558868453735299,0.0,0.0,0.20669087647472975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700283981804401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205042419952218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26124381884124986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565762404888392,0.0,0.28300037630477426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393095053303351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437486670244031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548681638048865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715518974073768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254434910389075,0.0,0.0,0.30378901551382026,0.3062439146379339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,celsius-7,2018/01/05,My mind is on fire It feels as if there is a palm pushing down on it. The only thought that makes me happy is my suicide.,-0.706666666666667,1.164540555555554,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,87.88888888888891,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.7146444444444446,93,3,23,0,3,31,22,27,0.205,0.685,0.11,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,5,6,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204836053176523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641909619438034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910715445241928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402934320070938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33164112443632104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769757649566989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34618068195974805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PippySunrise,2018/01/05,"What am I worth? I think a lot about what my impact on the world is and what my leaving it would do. I try to be a good person, and I want to be, but I don’t know that I really am. Everyone wants to think they’re a good person, even those who are objectively shit. I bring some people joy I guess, but that’s mostly my family. Do they love me because of who I am, or simply because I’m family and they kinda have to? I don’t think my parents could ever hate me because they put so much time into raising me and all. Do I really influence them, or anyone else for that matter positively though? I don’t know. I know I’ve also caused a lot of frustration and heartbreak. I was a shitty person as a kid for sure. I don’t know if my death would be a net positive or not. It would cause a lot of pain to my family, but in the long run, what have I really done to improve their lives anyway? How at any time do we know if we’re doing good or not? If I’m as shit as I feel I am inside, then I’d be doing the world a favor. I don’t know. I don’t want to wonder about my impact anymore.",1.48696420269642,2.2920239748953968,4.153186889818688,88.93546141329617,77.03347280334728,7.319479311947933,19.55392840539284,7.793537801064563,0.4352536494653645,826,15,197,12,18,295,113,239,0.149,0.6709999999999999,0.18,0.5115,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,5,0,9,13,4,0,12,0,30,4,2,4,3,52,50,23,1,10,12,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,12,7,0,0,11,0,1,3,8,6,0,0,2,1,36,7,21,40,7,14,0,1,0,1,14,6,2,15,5,143,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487493687008357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217443245362277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052559320084656,0.07421102427390805,0.1087463325851792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409402442190948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180567198544772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473897882911316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086114387982978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886609364427227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701001883888917,0.0960038442741818,0.0,0.10141512574109478,0.0,0.0,0.3001597084659706,0.0,0.05366429620657872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26705928102216364,0.0,0.0,0.11691803687471865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478487720956199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499692387583357,0.0,0.0,0.1123800722443292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371784181134793,0.09392482456624296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270692767675433,0.09578964470660713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802034840926413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293354727963666,0.0,0.11784871289259452,0.0,0.0,0.07357961867964348,0.2780150853222061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106693500958608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039755500964954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788906432937333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002958570229932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401822064470346,0.10427564363513492,0.0,0.1237746169673036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720576926739222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878008981491607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150972740986584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261826205231204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Allthetreesaremine,2018/01/05,"Trying to justify killing myself. There has always been something keeping me from killing myself. My pets, my mother, fear of the pain. Although I still think about those things I have somehow managed to justify ending my life anyway. 

My cats will be better off. Someone will love them and maybe give them more than I ever could. 
My mother could finally rest knowing I’m not in another city, not wondering where my next meal is coming from, not in pain. 
My family wouldn’t need to worry about me at all anymore. 

It sounds stupid I suppose. I’m just trying to make myself feel better about what I am going to do.",3.5353996865203747,5.977365439655178,4.0865203761755495,84.54688087774295,75.63793103448276,6.287147335423198,24.33855799373041,7.348242739294969,1.2819068965517235,485,16,85,6,11,153,81,116,0.187,0.737,0.075,-0.9423,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,2,10,9,3,1,1,0,12,5,0,1,2,19,25,2,2,4,4,2,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,4,2,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,1,2,19,3,16,18,3,12,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,5,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593163350972098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130101826195118,0.0,0.0,0.1620128316643976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889637242107336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072330883413509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608651436642995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469169427076586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777176321308974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400469880792,0.18382951041711187,0.08260156384350419,0.0,0.0,0.1789568801530955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671328731668158,0.09284332012739477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520510745925186,0.3614753219695322,0.0,0.08978038305418477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538856867595584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744206133480256,0.0,0.10904649682865816,0.0,0.16412073182229792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113206751967992,0.0,0.0,0.17373908221232787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476608574081598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841748024616568,0.12576530967023672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304624122415508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085315420263823,0.10467682282306524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182637330817812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716089666164564,0.0,0.16590370413340366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ajs_username,2018/01/05,"It’s the end for me. As I’m typing this, I’m contemplating another attempt, I’ll say something and someone will reach out, but then they leave the next day, I’m tired of that. I’m tired of all the pain and suffering, all the hell I’m going through, how much I’ve fucked up others life’s. People will say it’s okay and it gets better, but it’s bullshit. So here’s an attempt to reach out, doubt anyone will care anyways, always works out that way, and if they pretend, it’s only for the night.
Goodbye. ",0.5738571428571433,2.825234885714292,2.207261904761906,94.82232142857146,85.85714285714286,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.05514285714285716,393,12,86,3,12,128,65,105,0.309,0.593,0.098,-0.9854,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,4,4,8,2,1,6,1,3,5,0,1,2,14,12,11,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,9,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,3,11,9,3,11,1,1,0,1,4,4,2,2,5,47,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200654780430025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167626182796697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454254629115734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282592270403225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107635278939504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331648296433854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309144225571192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110813992138945,0.10800200728230602,0.0,0.11748302120315965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888529303443008,0.0,0.0,0.1460115562622971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196205593355858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984772034607294,0.19399152972812253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721891342848904,0.21996330929541916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433127428592491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287820710576995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515211373672065,0.15914218192904428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751855537383689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408371025156754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049370143096813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedolcevita,2018/01/05,"I’ve finally decided Today was my breaking point. I’ve been thinking about suicide for the longest but now it’s becoming pretty realistic. I can’t go on anymore. Everything hurts but I feel numb at the same time. I have nothing to live for. Today I made the terrible mistake of admitting to my sister that I want to die, sometimes. She seemed to care but seeing as everything I’ve caused there’s no point. She said that depressed people cant take care of themselves and need someone else to make decisions for them. It hurt more than it should. I’m worthless. 

I’m not going anywhere in life and I truly don’t want to. I want to escape and I know this will be forever. I have a sense of calmness and I know it’s going to suck because I keep thinking about my family but for the first time, I’m thinking about myself. All the pain is going to be over and I can’t wait for it. I’ll probably do it over the weekend, when no one is around. I feel relieved. ",1.1655104895104884,3.536261600000003,3.055536130536129,88.94302447552448,84.28205128205127,6.006993006993008,24.248251748251747,7.348242739294969,1.2442307692307693,752,30,152,12,22,251,110,195,0.221,0.644,0.135,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,1,1,7,13,1,0,7,0,15,3,0,3,1,35,45,11,2,6,5,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,11,1,0,4,7,9,0,2,4,4,20,4,28,37,3,22,0,4,1,0,6,8,1,1,9,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861834485396606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154522364254202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905825888965394,0.14323321045648044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26445666402152224,0.1332280939268682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170242670750982,0.0,0.13459849136502622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833995463123647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23311531244459205,0.0,0.12226086820974325,0.0,0.1311510491453914,0.0,0.0,0.142069844030624,0.0,0.11031485979350314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948248985677484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776731952030392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527507046131905,0.0,0.0,0.14254925551457853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160439062575172,0.0,0.0,0.11451928140346435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271649462507113,0.08656956236206169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616402523840192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444174318267295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788178798674011,0.0,0.13800006947281349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991121534889411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245199299432702,0.0,0.0,0.13194208643383287,0.1398285308298228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336557316442433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033467123642954,0.11806556023212385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988652580924302,0.0,0.12826743781435054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186059752803834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751128088958566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24930172921049726,0.0,0.0,0.15124740302511225,0.0,0.2458632755840733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948483967716496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClumsyKonstantine,2018/01/05,"I’m constantly wishing I was dead Have had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. On medication. Now I’m (32F) going through a divorce with my husband (33M) of 10 years. He’s really screwed up and has lots of issues from toxic parents, which is all coming up now. I’m so depressed and alone in a new city, which I moved to for him.  I feel like I’m losing everything and I have no future. I don’t want a future. I don’t care about anything. I go through my day, running errands, volunteering at an animal shelter, etc. but I just wish I was dead and the pain would stop.",0.8786877828054287,3.1028817815126075,3.2505882352941207,88.0614932126697,84.12605042016807,6.350614091790563,25.120232708468,7.61054688173877,1.4441785391079511,448,19,94,8,13,154,83,119,0.244,0.672,0.083,-0.9609,1,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,11,3,0,0,1,17,23,7,2,4,2,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,5,0,0,4,1,13,2,14,18,3,19,0,3,0,1,5,5,1,1,10,60,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894948459880412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996645770820032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056324299146884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865433235300007,0.0,0.0,0.1576067205582149,0.0,0.1977183764267916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799622098758887,0.0,0.31517212094438873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040524932327472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443565644316568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251176438509676,0.13070904982975304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079645700807421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096619623199845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938664826062488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468918222363625,0.0,0.15554889261654914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843163208088722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446107984359468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767071381823392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468589836506886,0.0,0.20315914175485067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172110034960525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134916921644626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296554851277966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079165209708204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207976331921459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129971910419362,0.0,0.0,0.11782239513409645
suicidewatch,Nintendoiscooliguess,2018/01/05,"Any day now I guess I’m mute. I can’t remember the last time I’ve even spoken to someone (this has gotten me in trouble in school on multiple occasions). I’m a recluse with no friends. I sit in my bedroom almost all the time. I never speak to anyone in my family; they do, however, occasionally open my door slightly and watch me for a while. And because of past attempts, there is never a moment when at least one of other person isn’t home with me. I’m not depressed or anything, at least I don’t think so. I just don’t like living. Earlier in my life there were issues that probably led to this but I’m not going to mention any of that. I’m alone so much that I have internalised monologues. I usually don’t sleep. Sometimes I cry for no reason. I feel as if anonymity is the only way for me to even talk about this. I don’t want “help” or anything, I just wanted to vent.",1.9070604395604391,3.631404252747252,3.8880082417582433,87.44761675824181,77.90109890109889,6.747802197802199,24.561813186813183,7.6454224807358475,1.2131637362637364,682,24,144,10,16,232,108,182,0.076,0.86,0.064,-0.4797,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,6,0,12,2,1,2,3,25,24,11,0,3,8,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,1,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,12,2,0,1,2,3,21,2,24,22,4,25,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,5,13,98,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219577533621088,0.1677585024736044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220298752277926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325753107455305,0.0,0.2665852365547953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873919325522801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792325915276924,0.1044612544853681,0.0,0.13950987098191878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396751607909928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269675380232295,0.0,0.08190003782696123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251424168401396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205481199872312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784350549540913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856923820431302,0.0,0.1624753437964854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906107886956626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320322285538408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114408586225609,0.07913339370867947,0.0,0.1430279595927995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907115042362355,0.0,0.2498520749283831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975927081507332,0.12319020544488556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546246189444534,0.0,0.1414313774947897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746377484415773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665385193740814,0.0,0.0,0.18348746878593486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639285704367032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209318571897866,0.0,0.13724191577718084,0.0,0.16019861186648932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019034079304795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037878140546772,0.0,0.0,0.1888992594371728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178393909768521,0.0,0.191075528791624,0.12856917488647948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brax-1,2018/01/05,"All thats left is hope I dont know how long ive been depressed, and i dont necessarily want anyone to feel bad for me, there are tons of others who are way worse off than me, yet i still feel it. I feel a desire to let everything go. I dont get joy out of anything anymore. Nothing is fun, i dont really care for anyone, and i dont look forward to anything. I can be happy at times, but the feeling fades as soon as i leave whatever environment i was in. What i see a lot of people say is ""someone out there cares"". But why should that matter if i dont even care. It doesnt make a difference to me whether or not there is someone out there. Yes, im lonely, and i probably need someone to be with or something, but my situation just doesnt allow for that. All that keeps me going is hope. Hope that something will change, and i will find meaning in life. But until then, i guess im just stuck in this circle of depression.",3.2422880690737874,3.6262323418367366,4.919591836734694,86.64518838304554,72.5204081632653,7.867503924646781,26.30141287284145,7.882392219407189,1.2874431711146002,713,22,162,9,13,243,112,196,0.159,0.738,0.103,-0.8375,0,2,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,0,4,1,25,1,0,3,2,42,48,17,0,8,11,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,3,7,21,9,25,39,4,21,0,3,2,0,2,10,0,8,9,114,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999723104896418,0.1269056588168736,0.0,0.14935507932610967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577045248686844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775696677026083,0.0,0.09599892431783427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563215436575533,0.0,0.0,0.09481192362483327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6381330429573236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059937931579035285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815580882297464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353884565461165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294165910290649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741187366416389,0.0,0.10314790065723234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996870843877068,0.0,0.0,0.09660250384118743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27039851763633554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960459530136744,0.0,0.0,0.08066063330446481,0.0,0.0,0.049872505741577984,0.0,0.0,0.0960886016976101,0.09859752904176508,0.09279556568432236,0.06409771108161738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803087671775281,0.07620512563245402,0.0,0.0,0.07715036131743512,0.0,0.0,0.06057472528162405,0.0,0.0,0.09885073607844767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728819289196453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707476624786885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629129571744608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784125748637894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813523399611471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216613102052785,0.0,0.0,0.07231408522136283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200410055913484,0.0,0.0,0.2306704318964215,0.13972386651179153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724711477300116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291565324939376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352528356176522,0.07203121809078739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188559088962916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247955354311957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BurnerBurnerAccount,2018/01/05,"This is the fun part about suicide When you know you're on your way out and you don't care anymore about anything. Fuck you, boss! Get fired. Oh well, dying anyway! I have some cash to live on, and the day is getting closer and closer anyway. Fuck you, fake-ass friends! Fuck you, gentrifying shitfucks in this hellhole of a town. Go eat your goddamn $20 pancakes and bitch about how they don't sell wine in the liquor store, assholes! 

Burning bridges is fun. No going back now.",1.7385630498533722,4.345477655913982,1.9180254154447736,96.36976539589443,84.26881720430106,3.8119257086999037,22.43304007820137,4.851557810540192,-0.11258279569892472,374,13,76,1,11,112,68,93,0.29600000000000004,0.605,0.099,-0.9764,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,7,1,0,10,9,4,0,4,0,6,6,0,2,0,9,15,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,3,2,3,4,1,0,0,1,9,5,10,15,2,15,0,0,0,3,9,8,4,1,4,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441294014336704,0.0,0.0,0.17791470532151202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624494697493625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043096160871134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394315270377671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438213075439808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212272293807367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703607823953046,0.5996220239109006,0.2259118222094735,0.0,0.2457436122395865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881821766883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090912619581304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23412422463974225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648840949568206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161000480727093,0.0,0.0,0.19439034011128511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tail--Lung,2018/01/05,"I've been here before, but now I have something to live for. Why do I still feel like this Will it ever change, do people truly get better or is this something I am now cursed with for the rest of my life. Sure, sometimes I don't want to die, but even when things are looking up I know its there I'm always reminding myself that ""Hey, you're going to kill yourself anyway, so what does it matter"" even during my happiest moment I was reduced to tears knowing that I tried to end my own life and if I had succeeded I would not be here right now in what was my happiest moment. I then felt a crushing feeling, that even though I was happy it was bittersweet I knew it wouldn't last and it didn't. My mind wondered and I ended up thinking about death and every thought that runs through your mind when you're suicidal.

Just, has anyone on this Reddit got better? Throwaway account after throwaway belonging to people that wish to die. How many don't post due to new accounts, or that their owner no longer lives. 

I finally have Job prospects and an idea of what I want to do with my life at the age of 20 almost 21 (Paramedic) but now I'm left wondering what happens when I arrive at my 'goals' will I feel better will I be able to sleep at night not wondering about the best way to end my life. 

I can deal with wanting to die, I can walk around and try my best and push these thoughts to the back of my mind. I can deal with the therapy, the meds and all the grief from family. What I can NOT deal with is the idea that once I push through all of this, when I finally feel like I have beat this, when I sit down and realise my goals are reached but then in the back of my mind I wonder again. What stops me that time?

Chances are, I will never reach this point. That is another scary idea

",4.853099850968705,4.847698284153012,5.083974167908597,88.24417287630405,68.89071038251366,8.184600099354197,27.292101341281672,7.686295010490155,1.2948786885245902,1396,39,306,14,22,440,184,366,0.101,0.701,0.198,0.9926,1,0,2,0,0,2,32.0,0,1,1,9,30,12,1,0,11,0,35,5,1,1,5,63,61,26,7,7,11,0,5,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,29,15,0,1,18,0,2,5,9,2,0,0,12,6,44,10,42,41,6,53,0,1,1,0,7,13,0,8,34,215,73,4,0.07760211485599892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770730842601664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457117613599866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137258367955498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054261203046357086,0.0,0.0,0.06908233482560433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934247246316546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603368407662315,0.0,0.16287726374270406,0.2058982929634741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209274784442114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001311875731884,0.0,0.0,0.24161623027995266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791013366190833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061973207032535,0.0,0.0,0.15376639493823396,0.0701955556921718,0.06538312871794838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315636747487826,0.0,0.15695184381541075,0.11087793271752268,0.07451019989845846,0.17001864732667918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040543902103085186,0.0,0.044103070214102834,0.0,0.06206550033844735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862329388223985,0.08260889426967312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26281002573161405,0.0,0.0,0.07700812479182181,0.0,0.08585524237830296,0.0,0.08529618570845192,0.06325608102393697,0.0,0.0,0.08431492485176645,0.0,0.21925067475991414,0.07582494696882425,0.0,0.1370481783089969,0.0,0.06516623188698886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867636433043004,0.0,0.0,0.08619845546050309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134240565132664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985153499557745,0.07494860609730901,0.0,0.07282432788092534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264371966259187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759907084730534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335908175912963,0.0,0.07432137482619781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627178207627121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765815817527152,0.0,0.0,0.11948379862490975,0.07675047587352181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197314916673905,0.06487884281229872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488411831955188,0.0,0.0731390748684732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887447814292058,0.0,0.051555396897337374,0.049724301763661945,0.07624368383856113,0.12321482191063556,0.04525041723220952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537348410123996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731521383060413,0.06159694669156807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700238384207075,0.0,0.08923860230324902,0.0,0.3366247331069554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512631588025497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teamsters630,2018/01/05,It's my mom's birthday I.posted here a lot. I really wish I could kill myself tonight. But tomorrow is my mom's birthday. It's hard enough to.kill your self but on your mom's birthday..... I can't. And it sucks,-1.430101010101012,0.06306063636363568,0.7984848484848506,98.04550505050508,113.0909090909091,4.682828282828283,20.7979797979798,6.42735559955562,0.5753767676767678,164,7,37,3,9,54,29,44,0.108,0.772,0.12,0.1229,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,1,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,2,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761787035201452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280003116174649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976676239085437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441271098337033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759686714937945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7753014297198965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113308626541398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136016452074066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301960452620149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537476042510948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,go_to_sleep_already,2018/01/05,"Can't do this anymore I struggled with depression about 3-4 years ago. Since then, I'm less depressed, and I tend to be optimistic.

Recently I feel like I'm living a lie and forcing myself to be happy when I'm really not. I just can't do this anymore.

I have been disowned by over half my family. My mom,  one of the few family members I know loves me,  is sick and will die soon. I've been rejected by my top two dream colleges. My job sucks. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me. My only friend keeps telling me to smoke and drink.

I just can't do this anymore and I want to die. I've ruined all the important relationships in my life. So many people have removed me from their life. I feel like I can't be loved and I want to die.",0.7451923076923066,2.761748198717953,2.659935897435897,93.3579807692308,83.03846153846153,6.207692307692309,21.28846153846154,7.413659706084162,0.622123076923077,573,18,131,9,16,191,90,156,0.221,0.63,0.14800000000000002,-0.9505,1,1,2,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,1,1,3,0,16,6,0,0,1,18,29,9,3,2,3,1,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,3,2,0,1,5,7,0,4,2,2,24,6,16,23,3,12,0,5,0,2,7,4,1,0,9,82,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789151433626915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39568413501931576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290957698219653,0.0,0.4140815813727444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028388399439092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507505749624854,0.0,0.13449193295324272,0.19002245695918385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275114628659067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157501561466213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197642416405586,0.11821153661132447,0.0,0.0,0.07309024609459272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878757606979338,0.12994869554903554,0.0,0.11743649491735295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006528332922825,0.0,0.0,0.13483545091674973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576143807836915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012044977711924,0.10114823686769768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220157387412677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519962043937025,0.0,0.13131592895496122,0.1427862176615237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001434495430733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903462678583448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624297068047593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25983241487855724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568870899763416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128807100470908
suicidewatch,IrishGoodbyes,2018/01/05,"I just want to stop existing I need to vent because I don't feel I can talk to anybody about it anymore. I just feel so alone all the time. Even my friends, I feel like I can't talk to them, I feel like I already just come off as such a sensitive, and sad piece of shit, that even broaching the subject of depression and suicide would be too much. I feel like everyone has their own internal suffering and it's just not fair for me to unload my personal baggage. 

But there are times I just want scream how I feel, I want someone to listen, to understand me, to care... but without it being a burden for them. But I really don't think that's possible... there's just too much to unpack. I feel so deeply alone and it's getting to me really bad now.

I like sleeping so much because it gives me a break from my head, from reality. I now try to go to bed early because I look forward to that. How fucking pitiful is that? I smoke weed constantly now because it softens the harsh self-loathing I feel when I'm sober and it helps disconnect me from my real world issues. I just try to get through each day now. I'm not excited by life anymore, there are times where I can forget myself, and be ""happy"" but when it comes back to me it just feels even worse. And I'm so insecure about what people think about me, and how I'm perceived that I just project my own self-loathing into how I think they feel about me.. so it just becomes this shitty feedback loop. Nobody could ever actually like me as a person, or want to be around me.. they just pity me. I'm just too exhausting to deal with, I really truly believe that.

Suicide has always been in the back of my mind and I'm thinking about it more and more now. It's becoming more attractive and I know that's supposed to be a ""bad"" thing... but it's comforting to know I have this ""out"" waiting for me if the suffering becomes too much. I just don't know how much more I can take, especially if things stay the same. I want so badly to go to bed and never wake up.",2.289694868238559,3.9492269708737924,3.6935755894590834,89.54767961165052,76.62135922330097,7.038668515950072,25.12094313453537,7.859703344183488,1.269129459084605,1560,55,338,24,35,513,180,412,0.17800000000000002,0.733,0.08900000000000001,-0.9925,0,2,1,0,0,3,55.0,0,0,5,0,52,26,2,1,11,0,21,7,4,5,3,84,64,35,2,10,24,0,10,5,1,1,2,2,2,2,25,19,0,2,19,0,0,5,8,15,0,0,1,13,54,11,47,56,15,33,0,6,1,1,14,9,2,3,24,242,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.07511347686373221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943936207724968,0.08494041222932705,0.0,0.0640467918305252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267089544306162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852131527577125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183732889469124,0.19280497901656224,0.18768543772751975,0.2550282681961569,0.0,0.08672097965278702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784779880115323,0.0,0.0,0.13260896281303072,0.0,0.08317928554749883,0.0,0.0614558036298174,0.0,0.0,0.04964051160255472,0.0793546551961448,0.06629578979562115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525176537964431,0.06962549564492354,0.0,0.07354995468150118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891930838881896,0.16496623494362325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946830358996715,0.07115928673011893,0.08042928790779194,0.07383846593097115,0.08748981592469157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193802515686194,0.0,0.0,0.07899538188690743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159264605152359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033867186939275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690523954142655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436753349309744,0.18802292619870176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463701511732049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771968277263855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829160368240334,0.057073692944911526,0.05936547902620695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336262791001984,0.13441779863899295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677425870274136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876108802512257,0.1479305217648844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605969696827212,0.0,0.07901055532846546,0.0,0.0,0.0770274941270696,0.0,0.06521804611726395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204181029102724,0.0,0.06435195993724632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838954409873633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787329399284324,0.12373420469659555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022734281893626,0.1972819573407152,0.0,0.0,0.13464881203085327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451774312543104,0.0,0.0,0.0801304686406237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700012197521202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741981705745354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844094804384055,0.05467863354587571,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trilosaurus,2018/01/05,"I ruined every good thing in my life I'm a monster. I only had two friends left in the whole world, and in the end all I did was hurt them. I could hear the disgust and loathing in my roommate's voice when they told me I had to leave. They were entirely justified.

There's only one thing you do with a monster. You remove them from existence. I can't undo the pain I've caused the people I loved, but I need to make sure I can never hurt anyone else ever again. I went out. I chose a spot. Nice little foot bridge across the frozen water, peaceful and picturesque in the falling snow. I couldn't do it. I was all ready to go and I just couldn't do what I was supposed to. I'm not just a monster, I'm a coward too. Who would be so cruel as to let a creature this pathetic live?",0.8383433734939771,2.670725048192775,2.5309487951807235,95.39594126506027,81.65060240963855,5.113855421686747,20.01355421686747,5.985473137389443,-0.14234819277108413,602,16,138,4,16,198,103,166,0.189,0.654,0.157,-0.8231,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,4,0,8,11,2,0,13,0,18,5,1,2,5,23,28,8,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,6,0,2,9,2,24,5,15,13,3,19,0,3,0,1,11,10,0,0,5,96,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122014127685092,0.17763190750015834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809258560806576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841704902775134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482337828482816,0.0,0.1535490488185593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681766529839952,0.14606664901146785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394059807910358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852675764540286,0.14540949987571666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953938302312456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711794999852467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356744658151733,0.18836049568503585,0.17727643805625495,0.12245212176154475,0.0,0.17375627459746582,0.15308359014965667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564677806000425,0.0,0.11572181768569928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854721097028668,0.13370900607570246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747593461038053,0.26370227156238146,0.18447152144949847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018877058646345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339352042821553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303506794768323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656567334870679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935143940926284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071016693187304,0.0,0.19355471731043056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315281313183955,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,malvenne,2018/01/05,"What'd be your prefered way to die if you died tomorrow? Well, since talking about this doesn't harm anybody and we all can understand each other well, why don't do it?

I've always fantasized of dying in a very peaceful way. I'd like to have a whole day for myself without family or friends interrupting me, do all the stuff I used to enjoy, and feel calm. No anxiety, no depression, only peace before dying. 

It feels weird but nice to finally talk about this to someone. 

Edit: a word lol.",2.7923958333333303,5.0060409479166665,4.303333333333335,83.20833333333336,77.02083333333334,7.6,25.25,8.515128840125781,1.9258625000000005,385,14,73,8,9,128,75,96,0.153,0.635,0.213,0.8128,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,0,0,4,10,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,1,2,16,11,5,4,2,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,2,6,7,11,10,4,6,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,47,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921101004818175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187939334581445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321375809970145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014710276897226,0.0,0.1337482443164539,0.0,0.6446524910279441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463905212594557,0.0,0.15703528634510633,0.0,0.0,0.170109036746029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997415253903995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586525885835231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118102565641195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845479860844258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131573953531959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776616885935415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496272039458449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616589760824596,0.0,0.1341178876894598,0.0,0.12812782602798573,0.0,0.2465187773918941,0.0,0.0,0.27924286252917885,0.0,0.1401221323696175,0.1733721030985542,0.0,0.1496908789597429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaymylifeluul,2018/01/05,I've decided. I've decided to save up for a gun just to have so whenever I completely break and know that there's nothing there in this life. I'll have my escape.. I don't know when it'll happen. Maybe I can hold on for a few more years or I'll break when I get it. I'm just so tired of this feeling.. I'm so tired of not being able to be happy. I'm so tired of trying my best to get to the point where I think I'll be okay to end up finding out that it was just a short moment that doesn't even last a day. I'll probably last a couple more years though cos I know I'm still afraid of dying and always some glimmer of light I get. But I know it'll be a disappointment. I'm sorry.,0.052774725274723266,1.4072700833333336,2.598021978021979,96.28269230769232,82.14102564102564,5.995604395604397,17.553113553113555,6.868970318607317,-0.2870424908424911,527,10,136,6,14,183,81,156,0.124,0.7879999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.6397,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,15,6,0,1,7,1,12,4,0,1,0,22,27,11,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,9,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,10,4,18,20,5,20,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,2,10,79,19,0,0.15331235253772074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756815890787826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608918553678464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607450847462294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963720203543828,0.0,0.0988737841723546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911401703528738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578923883132166,0.0,0.0,0.10126136292793117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751933196384214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401247127320262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029812940088416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355736070272868,0.1632038501080152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33702583796132674,0.24994005929071056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828904858231013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402286470490262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710733711695653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449297280798236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652966464247955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162062679880402,0.0,0.0,0.12243544277826306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823636502469928,0.15062860795898006,0.0,0.0,0.5286299882518967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408902368598508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974562569827361
suicidewatch,YungestFrankie,2018/01/05,"I cut myself for the first time today I know I know, ""you just want attention"" and ""real men shouldn't cut themselves"" but I didn't care about that all. I just wanted to see if I could take the pain, you know? Like, I'd been in acouple accidents before where I got cut, but actually inflicting the pain I'd need to kill myself was a completely different experience. I realized that I can do this. that I can actually end it. 

I can't seem to find any reason to live right now, everyone either hates me or doesn't know I exist. Anyone I'd ever loved has physically abused me, physically. I just don't wanna keep living anymore. I'm just a complete fuck up from a broken home.",2.5225490196078444,4.416210470588236,4.7079411764705865,81.49490196078433,76.64705882352942,8.062745098039215,23.098039215686285,8.841846274778883,1.7044921568627456,528,16,106,12,12,183,88,136,0.298,0.638,0.065,-0.9891,1,0,0,0,1,3,19.0,0,2,0,1,8,11,6,0,6,0,12,4,0,1,2,29,29,5,1,7,9,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,9,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,1,19,3,10,23,2,10,0,0,1,2,4,4,1,3,7,67,24,0,0.0,0.1721259375711396,0.2835329408088197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879130335168712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407277418211187,0.1015789603305023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361747618396292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811652754429194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046340553164837,0.0,0.0,0.11598946993588595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178041260781056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866964659861668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140865234670454,0.0,0.13881553496074758,0.0,0.14210585033171538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277780641630402,0.12356999230557758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430347438883114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618889082473426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342800129022032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457216694166141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912620835120728,0.1607241596221262,0.0,0.3193551701026535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709735395437914,0.0,0.25655921148530125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111545912385975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771883208686747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091635624583195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535361936143705,0.0,0.14936586991168585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240632043636415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576457129681117,0.13225199575784144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922797030054107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471043911507749,0.0,0.13770276791820438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713727411776067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EthanAckerman,2018/01/05,"I still have some shred of hope left, but if this year doesn't turn my life around I'm not sure if I'll manage. I don't particularly want to die, but I don't particularly want to be alive either. I just don't care anymore. Nothing goes right in my life, and when it does it just goes to shit shortly after. 
If my life doesn't improve, I'm not sure if I can cope. I'm giving it until 2019 to decide. I'll try my best to improve it, but who knows. ",2.0550649350649337,2.59755594949495,3.9903607503607503,91.6436363636364,75.36363636363636,6.465223665223665,21.21356421356421,6.18269132825596,-0.04294054834054828,345,7,86,2,7,118,55,99,0.251,0.624,0.125,-0.9225,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,2,22,18,10,1,7,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,10,17,3,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,6,5,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025035712772182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177414905031256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428688022209125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081873272946504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191903239690266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868977343410722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958795486888252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028087044131122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221856943263532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218551784021412,0.0,0.4326804920585021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959277071950023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437883104809454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960012812104906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306797507916354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38489704003508296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863294757859232,0.2221022337054349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240875434689454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149293726653732
suicidewatch,DootDiddlyDongerhaHA,2018/01/05,"People always say ""get help."" But what does that mean exactly? When someone says they want to kill themselves online of course you will see in a comment something like ""go get help from a therapist or somebody else""

But what does that mean? Is there a magical combination of words that will solve everyone's mental issues and make them not want to kill themselves anymore if they seek it out?

",6.310833333333335,7.787207305555555,5.595444444444446,80.59400000000002,66.22222222222221,8.537777777777778,31.06666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5401800000000008,314,12,55,5,5,95,55,72,0.117,0.757,0.126,-0.6531,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,0,2,3,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,14,12,6,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,7,10,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,2,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270989144907804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201033341557385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32121295476979184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331398710696004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753687464192935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177147636412428,0.0,0.10430311894554352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460297277323989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915554161214177,0.0,0.0,0.4060927964610987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966244781071747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250627954394247,0.0,0.0,0.3998313108594296,0.0,0.0,0.1849529285585173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723511799216766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918974598498925,0.0,0.0,0.14624795239113034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555025702058912,0.14128872207239432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130900045695655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164989876619576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sue-Raka,2018/01/05,"Help me find a reason to live Recently I've  been finding it harder and harder to find a reason to keep on living. After getting a job its dawned on me, I don't know what I'm living for. I finally have a job, and an income and its like nothing has changed. 

I've always had this long list in my mind about what it means to be happy, what it means to get better. Getting a job was one of them and now that its happened, and i feel zero satisfaction. None at all. There was just the feeling of dread followed by the thought of ""oh, this is it huh"". This door that I could barely see in the distance was now right in front of me, I've opened it and inside was nothing. 

It really does feel like theres nothing left for me, all thats left is dissapointment and regret. I just want to know how it feels to wake up and have a purpose. To feel like theres something to live for.",3.542213114754098,3.9148911584699486,4.7367349726775965,88.26444672131149,71.84153005464479,7.192896174863389,25.08606557377049,6.816661863887847,0.7810295081967218,674,18,151,5,12,223,97,183,0.032,0.8440000000000001,0.124,0.9287,5,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,9,7,0,1,10,1,14,1,1,3,2,34,33,9,0,3,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,19,9,0,1,15,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,7,6,11,5,26,24,3,19,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,9,101,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301823854114087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886917391619604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825900128266252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925522166515969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782818573754404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28262192438513123,0.15972560222140955,0.0,0.12246048500159128,0.3065221149071119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521698919981027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885553124156793,0.1190025378601151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493048317061844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33280298811987125,0.0993640918916108,0.0,0.0,0.1228737251458386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24292033262400414,0.0,0.0,0.1638448474980616,0.0,0.3948504860659658,0.0989306356101741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435441731823981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128760361739388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217965711564101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575179977915222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161553903408899,0.2298774851811309,0.11037914238789294,0.0,0.0,0.09546805250586687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908215959414663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606140655456719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887487760184843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593664066931358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ktinalvzkorn,2018/01/05,"I only haven’t done it because I don’t want him to do it too. I have been suicidal off and on since I was 18 and started having panic attacks everyday and couldn’t leave my house. I am now 24 and throughout the years since then I found out I had generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, major depressive disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and agoraphobia. Over the years I took medication and I was doing so well. I couldn’t work before or go to school or anything and I started doing all those things with ease after taking medication. Then my world fell apart. I cheated on my boyfriend of 10 years and lost the love of my life. It was hard coping without him but I managed to do it by working my ass off and keeping busy to  not think about it. But then I got sick 3 weeks ago. I lost my job because my sickness wasn’t going away and had to keep calling off. Now I feel nauseous, in pain, weak, shaky, and tired and stressed 24/7 and all I can think of is how easy it would be to buy a gun and stop all of this thinking and physics pain and suffering. I have reached out to my ex about how bad it’s been and he’s been there for me which I am grateful for, but I am not getting better no matter how many doctor trips and tests they run and I am only here because he tells me if I kill myself he will follow soon after. I just want to die. But I don’t want him to die. I don’t give a shit about my life at all.",3.348114608555285,4.257031362711864,4.568571428571432,87.32853107344636,72.66101694915254,7.652945924132365,26.928974979822435,7.957251820313856,1.4458635996771596,1112,38,242,15,21,367,156,295,0.299,0.632,0.069,-0.9976,1,0,0,1,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,5,15,20,4,5,5,0,32,14,2,3,4,57,55,33,4,7,11,1,2,0,0,2,11,0,0,0,11,22,0,3,5,0,1,7,11,17,1,0,15,2,41,3,34,35,5,37,0,4,0,2,12,13,2,4,17,171,52,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564990136140144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391584876987545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795119779516103,0.0,0.0,0.10992189501122107,0.09077989745850452,0.0,0.08067564323493634,0.17670030025362832,0.0,0.08221852050411133,0.0,0.0,0.08545463454750107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866224304811072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322070590931821,0.0,0.2005575312174248,0.0,0.4429504290784674,0.09889709018548803,0.0,0.0988782313303996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048855173572936214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594144178096293,0.0,0.0,0.05048120051141117,0.09268898186416104,0.10982543934652776,0.0,0.07727773610591375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655466517129165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148924249423356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588279339121417,0.17176480440585454,0.1068983368802362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230913891986812,0.0,0.0,0.1364944751331076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094946195449066,0.0,0.08720546153473044,0.0,0.0,0.097959917947095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946737456645693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697133308317695,0.20562602864724308,0.2267310660581781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778699710944427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918147455506204,0.15985404626831107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677962194313184,0.0,0.0,0.0807806279876242,0.110680598661998,0.0,0.0,0.1056891906020456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264799762141208,0.0,0.08445221039692788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419160942137905,0.1857351402368095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105320087102907,0.0,0.0,0.1073510085395433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097113210823753,0.0,0.07750463723849431,0.0,0.08687511472985404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931405169382368,0.0,0.14068447260953426,0.0,0.0,0.06863775959035726,0.0,0.0,0.18666491564556065
suicidewatch,iwillyes,2018/01/05,"Sure Fine. Throwaway. I’m so angry. All I want to do is die. My family and friends are trying to help me and I’m trying to help myself but, at the end of the day, I want death more than anything. I’m convinced they’re all just pretending to care and they’re going to abandon me as soon as it seems like I’m feeling better. Why won’t they let me go? They’re going to eventually. I’m a burden and a disappointment and I want to go so badly. I wrote some notes last evening and I felt so happy. ",-1.271109813084113,0.7665474205607481,1.5751343457943925,95.6808323598131,98.15887850467287,4.170327102803738,16.033294392523366,5.985473137389443,-0.5106817757009345,382,10,88,4,16,132,64,107,0.207,0.508,0.285,0.5614,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,3,20,22,12,2,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,2,2,11,8,12,18,4,9,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609971346144211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335334283728514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302992147979335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199470601011714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617324850932066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304606100352812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328121422044512,0.0,0.0,0.1292200477209075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443436812034145,0.0,0.09892274294974476,0.0,0.1878475122689979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115293547656544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447526397424446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826511405147666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622701314455145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594747762376968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000577449057467,0.0,0.09558105920688192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810561397968666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439077176577165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26565687482398304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34618510418595905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653695554141605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,basicallyinsane,2018/01/05,"It's time. About a week ago, after having my dad call me a freak due to his own personal issues, I left my house and walked over an hour in freezing temperatures to a bridge. I stood there and sobbed, because for the first time in my life I wanted to throw myself over the edge.

The only thing that stopped me is that it would hurt my mom, and my boss would have to find a new cook (which isn't easily done). 

My job needing me was the main thing though, the main thing that stopped me from hurling myself over the edge. I'm very weak, I have no will to look after my disease, and my dad is right. I am a freak, insane, and I need to get real. But I cannot stop the panic attacks, the panic attacks after my dad plays games with me to make me upset on purpose.

He does do this, he has admitted to it. He enjoys it. After I get upset, because some days he will do this all day, he says I am the problem and I have anger issues I cannot do it anymore I know people have it worse but this is my worst and I either feel nothing or very strong feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or anger god I just want it to stop.

I just want it all to stop, I cant move out because I cannot afford my medication and my job pays minimum wage I cannot afford it.

My job is also high stress, I work as a cook and my coworkers call me ugly, and say im funny looking, and I get pushed around and hit and if I say anything im fired up. I love cooking and I love food, but I cant say anything. I say I cannot lift something I am weak, Im 110 pounds some of the stuff weighs more than me.

Im a punching bag everywhere I go and I dont know what to do there is no way out.

I'm a whiner, I'm weak like everyone says. I might as well just die already.
",1.1975870967741926,2.4503897066666696,3.1304086021505384,94.16477419354841,78.6,5.905376344086022,20.896774193548392,6.3737218528115,0.04070064516129035,1320,33,317,10,31,445,176,375,0.223,0.675,0.103,-0.9934,6,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,0,3,11,27,4,5,19,0,34,12,0,2,2,56,58,25,1,9,10,4,4,1,0,5,5,6,0,1,21,19,5,5,6,5,2,5,11,20,1,1,3,12,55,7,34,49,10,38,0,4,2,2,23,13,1,6,20,205,76,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011728553024152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728870260385756,0.06325615856070498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844584243725196,0.0,0.0,0.1301849499530143,0.07041567793412327,0.0,0.17997510273842324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465568797194867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153967621440993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202577879372904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209320418406146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922085237089941,0.08094665689881726,0.09270448945738333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558334074701041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999056859595728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229587228001448,0.0672823314564823,0.09564790868642484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397929339927295,0.0,0.044954293973157165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357338341592697,0.0,0.0,0.0778974644780042,0.09127066027237048,0.08467807506261127,0.0,0.3417658468226531,0.16511948205438748,0.2354833255422297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694246882387385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594226886496746,0.0,0.05587059607824376,0.0386442138833862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328479822900792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278148950636782,0.0,0.05279979505743688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968482387625764,0.0,0.08391249001101439,0.0,0.09264084264105546,0.0,0.08407067171328772,0.0,0.11730314179596572,0.0,0.07639517283083391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589848391696137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060159035578279466,0.0,0.1856133707649749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054837908547255634,0.06906697849774035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756879181656498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003299925675443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755087931789941,0.0,0.3774204746540965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089496470810464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306552761818492,0.09060866405782864,0.0,0.09055045687588427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765136917505956,0.0,0.07771524658569287,0.0,0.09224757137267456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305313970570776,0.1399655048857348,0.0627858159529262,0.06344916564747315,0.0,0.07112030636535922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758566664315859,0.0,0.08060955210904193,0.11238059380934716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katiecski,2018/01/05,"I tied a noose Yeah. So i have a noose, and now I just need the courage to actually go through with it. It's been too many years of agony and I can't keep doing it.",-1.186578947368421,0.4263606052631593,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,87.68421052631581,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.8513368421052632,125,3,36,1,4,42,30,38,0.08,0.767,0.153,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.4844458623136649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28213365356653963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412514268962763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033039652368329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680979172922975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196858272371785
suicidewatch,HaveYouBeen2Mars,2018/01/05,"Poem Everyday
The memories try to fade away
Everyday
I force myself to make them stay
Everyday
I wonder if this is the right way
Everyday
I feel less and less okay
Everyday
I think I just may


No more days
Remember me always",0.03818181818181543,1.5287500909090923,2.75327272727273,83.1599090909091,116.27272727272728,8.123636363636363,20.30909090909091,7.908726449838941,2.5499981818181814,180,7,33,7,10,62,33,44,0.054000000000000006,0.913,0.033,-0.21600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,3,5,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,7,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28509155697780963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321907590073858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096486549077002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324156148879408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287049361592104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881274838146328,0.2925999906835373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651928030218597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954035000972624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326199741454837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719598819199468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37156234027925095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adavid2012,2018/01/05,"Felt good for a while Got on a new med and felt good for quite a while until recently. I’m not sure if I need a higher dose or what, but I’ve taken more Xanax than I should have today and drank too. 

My mom is trying to help and I appreciate her and my family so much. 

I just hate feeling like such shit. My mind won’t shut off and all I want it to do is shut up. I don’t like having these feelings back :(
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suicidewatch,waterlo1,2018/01/05,"I'm so scared and lost and I don't know what to do anymore I don't know where to even start. Lately I have been getting even more terrified of everything around me. One small thing can make me scared and anxious. Slowly I've just been getting more and more lonely and I would just hide in my room for the whole day. I've been thinking more about suicide, but I'm so scared. Everything that I do on a daily basis scares me. If I do something that reminds me of my past or what I have said I automatically become so upset with myself and just curl up. It feels like I'm not going anywhere in life. I can barely eat anymore, I even look like I'm dying. I don't know what to do anymore.",1.2445238095238091,3.2087669444444487,2.925595238095237,92.4075,80.94444444444444,5.2253968253968255,20.702380952380953,6.18269132825596,0.053729761904761635,536,15,118,4,14,177,78,144,0.196,0.76,0.045,-0.9573,0,2,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,0,5,2,0,15,2,0,1,0,22,32,12,2,2,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,8,1,0,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,3,18,2,13,26,5,13,0,2,1,0,1,8,0,2,6,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231527594807304,0.4011342075464263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002393961389228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489049907979724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695177176633208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399283521904986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379609042967838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671543824814704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234626413666294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817219869575074,0.09631989375139607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088229270237865,0.0,0.07662486002431408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222909286855524,0.0,0.15208987284693007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523176154266172,0.1317385823624431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322008586730525,0.0,0.1471787692418483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999756303601078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136175046115386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870690326428547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128250630411001,0.0,0.5399383528290805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379582759614103,0.0,0.0,0.09543070756586447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474780248392575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957256380516579,0.08639121140434775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052868353117296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577669349264344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,honeypxt,2018/01/05,"what is the point? i am 15 years old. i've suffered from depression since i was 10 years old, when suicidal tendencies began to kick in. i've tried to commit at least 5 times in the span of 2-3 years, and something i've noticed is that, no matter how things get better, it always crumbles at the end, leaves an empty pit in your heart, until the cycle repeats, and you think you're safe only for it to turn to dust. i've been told many times, ""think of your loved ones!"", or, ""think of the good things you'll have!"" but i am at a point in my life where i am empty. i feel like a living zombie. my friends, my family, anything i could ever possibly have... it's just not enough. i love my friends, and my family, don't get me wrong, but... i don't care if they want me to live or not, in a sense. i kind of want to die simply because i want to, i don't belong, i don't do things right, i don't feel like i deserve any good thing that happens to me, and the only reason i haven't yet died is because, everytime i try, something inside me tells me not to. i take it as i'm not yet as broken as i think i am, as something inside me still wants me to keep going. but, why? what is the point in living? why should i keep going? why am i alive in the first place? this is something i wish i understood.",1.8627832215918865,2.800931747292424,3.5694481691593616,92.96507821901326,76.2924187725632,6.431425133230188,20.771703627299296,6.655083550727371,0.1219999656180164,982,21,233,8,21,329,136,277,0.09,0.7240000000000001,0.185,0.9757,0,0,4,0,0,1,52.0,0,4,1,2,8,15,0,0,12,0,24,4,1,2,2,37,51,17,3,8,11,0,2,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,3,8,0,0,2,11,3,0,2,5,2,40,12,31,43,2,36,0,2,0,2,11,17,0,3,19,146,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757042017005628,0.0,0.0,0.06187078942124154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487032433522453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092340324851882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046606774658803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276207697022866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264161749073708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836254867950752,0.0,0.18884962740153305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058292926117801,0.09400858953642442,0.0,0.0,0.08229830745859118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153921394692032,0.0,0.09200633124950064,0.12999492784380498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738912954216291,0.0,0.0,0.14058472941714115,0.0,0.09506854067750714,0.0,0.10341418332137636,0.15262254676984832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045496446396322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781395038605232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173772740340045,0.0,0.09474361375247138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633666034631627,0.0,0.0,0.06426318327410595,0.08889828903181662,0.0,0.24101596612272705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642293741675429,0.0,0.0,0.09224133290979776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358345853642577,0.1909403291150771,0.0,0.061651667668649573,0.13839161921760396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950566864503932,0.0,0.258021816593414,0.10256838469961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354451222419928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769801725139637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526114051451573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801691445730609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265823646539217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099519395479235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840704110681207,0.0,0.07952216189481118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417772386396217,0.23319002659685376,0.0,0.0,0.10610451654053124,0.0,0.0,0.08693707280466538,0.0,0.12354143089309455,0.09896214513136062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465384952347752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462909507711512,0.0,0.10462465689044684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994743889275638,0.0,0.17576801805755374
suicidewatch,grumpy-bitch,2018/01/05,"I can’t cope... I’ve made posts on here before about my suicidal intentions... I still have them all the time. But I need to tell the one person I trust the most in this world... except I can’t... he won’t speak to me and I need him before I end it all... I need to see him, speak to him and hug him before I go...  I don’t know how I can do that seeing as he’s blocked me on all social media and won’t speak to me when we are in public together... I can’t cope with these thought and I need him right now... ",-0.1952631578947361,0.9970133333333352,2.2086315789473687,99.53242105263159,82.33333333333333,5.612631578947369,15.785964912280702,6.2581,-0.8166392982456139,376,5,102,3,10,129,64,114,0.065,0.873,0.063,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,3,3,22,20,8,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,5,24,2,13,16,4,13,0,0,2,1,16,6,0,1,5,69,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48561325854324294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848665816845038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811167026806273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454502441291304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999952199165442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642103330474172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890426733354038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610084923628654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218704344328487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624547456021706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30317617663080954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939147708023382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519173299197092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807993108434653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662687548197892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102078079681014,0.11092420921155176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoteyeFanAccount,2018/01/05,"The only reason I don't kill myself is that I don't want my family to be embarrassed Is this common? I have fantasies of taking a plane to South America, buying a gun and renting a boat so that people won't know I killed myself. I want people to think I just disappeared. ",3.653035714285714,4.660246803571432,5.673571428571428,79.32142857142857,72.03571428571428,8.457142857142857,22.92857142857143,8.841846274778883,1.6118714285714284,215,5,41,4,4,75,39,56,0.173,0.691,0.13699999999999998,0.2695,1,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,12,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,4,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719974972666206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6384245653568482,0.0,0.15856684687805722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194377204124948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000564679312565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29665372275615226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693633249625568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848763969546557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403612999363395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myterriblelife89,2018/01/05,"I wish I had a reason to die, like cancer or some other illness. Instead I'm healthy with no chance of anything bad happening. Death can't be as bad as this. ",1.6254545454545486,3.4252515454545467,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,79.0,5.612121212121212,26.15151515151515,6.42735559955562,0.9393515151515156,123,5,26,1,3,41,29,33,0.473,0.333,0.194,-0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,6,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919845348899959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5925155120965536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682445021481171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137639056219403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733458870783824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648114407919566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080225650339559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JeanURL,2018/01/05,"Almost I have no one in my life I can talk too who I wouldn't A: scare, or B: Get an apathetic response. So I'm just going to post my thought here because at least someone will hear me. The US is going through a cold spurt if you haven't noticed. Where I'm at it's 2F and it's only getting colder. Right now at this point in my life I have been seriously suicidal since I'd estimate spring break. One of my greatest fears is growing up, and living the average day to day life. All the while slowly looking into the mirror each and every day slowly starting to see wrinkles until you fall into Alzheimer's. I've been depressed since I was 11, probably because that was when I started seeing the world for what it is. Which was probably a result of seeing my parents fight all the time and being labeled the weird kid growing up because I was the chubby over hyper farm kid with no friends besides their sister. I guess I matured over time and grew out of that kid phase, but I have serious issues  relating to people now that I'm 17, almost 18, an ""adult"". My dad keeps saying I'm a loser, that academic honors isn't shit, that I'm less of a person because I'm not a guy. My mom is the most apathetic and ignorant person you can imagine when it comes to world views and mental health. She's a penny pincher and I know if I ask for help she'd just tell me to get a job. I lost two jobs because I've been suicidal and need time away for a few months, and since I'm a kid I figured it wouldn't hurt me. My sister, my twin sister who I was so dearly close to threw me away so fast for a guy she met. They've been together for a year now. I know that I should be focusing on life right now instead of romance and stuff, but I just can't help thinking that I'm not going to find anyone. I'm asexual, and a little less feminine then I think I should be. I am heavily logic driven, and I never legit smile anymore. I think I'm blabbering now. My point is, I truley don't want to grow old and die, for my occupation I was going to become a scientist and do whatever I can to figure out how to slow or stop the aging factor in dying. All I want is to help people. My heart aches terribly when I think about people suffering over lost loved ones. I just want to get into the tub, and have a long nice bath. Then I'll put on some comfy Pj's or something, put in my earbuds and listen to a music playlist I like. Then go outside when everyone is asleep and just walk in the frigid snow, just walk until I can't feel. Then go to sleep and not wake up. My birthday is arriving soon. I want to die a kid, before I turn 18. Sorry, I just needed to vent.",3.9554951005673016,4.140602146209388,5.471590510572463,84.02640072202169,70.85920577617328,8.208684889118103,27.200412583806084,8.052868069273773,1.5633782980917998,2055,63,439,26,35,699,258,554,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.096,-0.9086,3,0,1,0,1,1,54.0,1,3,1,5,26,22,2,2,31,0,41,11,5,2,4,82,94,41,5,12,17,6,1,1,1,5,5,3,1,10,18,28,0,3,13,1,0,18,13,15,0,4,16,10,60,7,57,69,11,87,0,6,5,1,39,32,1,10,36,283,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490072935458571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378757510214141,0.05202416075302448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955656505707583,0.0,0.1398077408814973,0.0,0.0,0.2267762511595172,0.0821720360783548,0.06331129430694242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409141555361378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395093317632174,0.0,0.06408301404539239,0.0,0.2316550481544831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268755958197655,0.07109505435296781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372382401160945,0.03762028620228275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800280218423857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748341102745616,0.0,0.1554895477539472,0.0,0.2537089211855709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196306148326515,0.14734091947622555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908668659035724,0.08385735181485647,0.08816766444307092,0.14961186547824132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964972558214364,0.0,0.0,0.07765718235902994,0.14766657716881107,0.06613261839690776,0.0,0.0,0.08177965521931507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021156385298095,0.036349444987660524,0.07457114194298896,0.06569902673522725,0.06584412787375915,0.06247960481932562,0.0,0.16243886885588113,0.0,0.06715142289773976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498051264601913,0.0,0.0,0.0871396484698394,0.05938759717277895,0.0,0.0,0.11033745213343106,0.057384018472001724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470806960871567,0.07807321225957753,0.0,0.15125176828883982,0.05658667455009354,0.0,0.0,0.08261549337241753,0.0,0.0,0.15474457930431282,0.12993129284210236,0.0,0.0,0.1406693714059644,0.0,0.07125730603578068,0.0,0.16043758348379175,0.0,0.0,0.14959070837471652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707915234315134,0.0,0.05916808495598114,0.07449017251032733,0.0,0.17786817212112593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637339478807648,0.1846402703562859,0.0,0.07445652285376976,0.0,0.06304124256200842,0.057278902770859536,0.0,0.0832878320132799,0.1053253554909312,0.0,0.0,0.062204064017040615,0.0,0.0,0.08517339389409953,0.162769152503396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059802144313477364,0.06503131793820542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190697214440646,0.0,0.05906750442630061,0.13015459562619916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092887027388858,0.07268071472926146,0.0,0.0894973954545661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755387731219592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047912957400012716
suicidewatch,Mrmontychristo,2018/01/05,"Hey, i thought i wouldn't be here again So, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me new years. I found a lovebite on her neck from someone she'd previously fucked whilst we were together. I cheated on her 3 times, and in these past few months i've been feeling better. My cheating came from insecurity, i think. I just don't know what to do. I'm bipolar, and can't help but read into everything, she's out with a guy i think she fancies tonight and i've been drinking to help it (i know, its not helpful) but i just don't know what the fuck to do. I know the relationship wasn't great but that doesn't help.",1.6026302083333306,3.5207660859375025,2.674687500000001,94.88489583333336,79.546875,5.829166666666668,23.947916666666664,6.816661863887847,0.5256541666666665,481,17,112,5,12,153,82,128,0.223,0.752,0.026,-0.9731,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,5,8,4,1,4,0,13,5,1,0,0,25,26,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,9,1,0,9,2,0,1,7,6,0,1,7,1,19,2,14,16,1,16,0,1,0,2,14,6,2,0,9,69,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495933649794674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003939900059276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163946214289671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746778552008414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859162901394213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210913033497887,0.0,0.32395833286197484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317005465402529,0.0,0.17348581569295513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697592786779637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851641551646697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985124803332907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921926993846326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725812638684398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525778730146035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811036982822552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845518036735464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245354645214363,0.0,0.13909746488310032,0.10216657743445724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565947128202216
suicidewatch,Nadosa,2018/01/05,"My mind wants to kill me - Why do I keep having these thoughts, I am not myself anymore Hi,

so basically what I was going through (mentally) last year was just insane. First half Derealization/Depersonalization, second half Depression/OCD but feels like psychotic, because everything seems so surreal. I was diagnosed with OCD and adjustment disorder btw. OCD and not psychosis because I know those feelings and thoughts are somewhat strange.

So basically I recovered from Depersonalization last year...but as the symptoms slowly vanished, I still battled irrational thoughts from day to day when suddenly my mind switched to: ur life is over. I was overwhelmed, suddenly paranoid of time/the date, feeling like I shouldnt be here anymore as the time went on and feeling like trapped in this concept of time.

This feeling...it feels like I shouldnt be alive anymore since August, like I shouldnt have lived past August and should be dead until August. It just feels like it is wrong to be alive, everything feels so odd, when I go to the hairdresser for example, my mind goes like this: You are dead inside, you died, you dont need to do this, you are trapped in hell, you shouldve killed yourself as I told you! When I look in the mirror: ""Why are u still alive?"" It just cant make sense why I am still alive, and I am super overwhelmed, feeling insane, because I know something IS TERRIBLY WRONG IN MY ORGANISM.

You may ask yourself why ""August""? I dont know, I somehow wanted to be recovered and fine from mental health issues until August, I didnt know what would happen if I didnt recover until then, but my mind has adapted to my expectations and as the time went on without me recovering, my mind realized that and switched to this surreal psychotic limbo mode, so basically I guess false expectations triggered this mess in my mind.

I remembered when these thoughts sneaked in in the last week of July, I felt like after this week I would pass like a strange ""threshold"", like my old self had to die (idk it felt so strange, I just got very depressed, nervous and obsessed with the future and thought if I couldnt cope I may commit suicide, but I wasnt suicidal)

It felt like life after July was just black, I didnt want the future to come and felt like I was involuntarily pushed to experience this future pain, but then there was the 1st of August where I had these painful thoughts that I cant live anymore and got anxious. And this whole ""anticipation"" made me BELIEVE that this is destiny and I cant recover from it!

Furthermore I told my psychiatrist that I feared that I'll lose myself in time, which I know sounds strange but I definitely felt like there would be no future for me and honestly I keep questioning how I survived the last months, making me feel like I shouldnt be alive because the feelings were so surreal. I cant stop thinking that this shit is something supernatural and keep questioning if people had already commited suicide if they would have been in my shoes, what freaks me even more out.

But I have no clue how to get out of that hole at all. I am depressed and scared to death. I dont know, this is just a nightmare and I am 19.

Everytime I think about me as a person, I get a feeling of doom: who is ""I', why am I still alive? Etc. It is terrifying. The most terrible feeling is that I truly desire death and that it is the only option and THAT I WILL REGRET IT IN THE FUTURE NOT HAVING DONE IT.

I imagine myself in the future, at a fun event for example, having these feelings and it is freaking me out, feeling like I should do it right now. It is causing me a lot of pain. SURE THING IS THAT I TRULY DO NOT DESIRE THESE FEELINGS BUT CANT LET THEM GO EITHER :(

Unknown mental illness?!",5.091727923891703,6.502566614950638,5.476334522525512,80.5608990845986,69.02820874471087,8.381658784811526,31.109295057938557,8.78556168762146,2.4952893664094686,2946,122,553,50,51,940,270,709,0.26,0.618,0.122,-0.9992,0,2,3,0,0,7,95.0,0,7,2,4,32,46,5,6,21,0,81,11,2,7,4,141,142,56,11,24,23,0,20,15,0,13,9,1,0,2,48,28,0,4,41,0,0,8,24,26,0,4,35,23,87,20,62,85,8,79,2,7,2,0,19,21,2,15,65,382,135,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051547534747426335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277093757107209,0.18530186235792093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043669144251096234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139001020706713,0.0,0.0,0.05262810239151942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798579462182263,0.0,0.04023800296594714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025037857843658,0.0,0.08046545662790995,0.04741140348194189,0.0969587625654196,0.0,0.053535667821307,0.0,0.0,0.047802298404139416,0.16423733251829892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052095905547856584,0.030852644625905725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396294787725908,0.04569301672003948,0.0,0.0525636616042821,0.35428266985013107,0.2335959901499339,0.2242528401016116,0.0,0.0,0.03973295758995055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048809882178864825,0.0,0.07964202565172265,0.0,0.07471924510841266,0.0,0.05145821608984219,0.0,0.04130701184855691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049652364549940015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048754890293783736,0.0,0.12455854526919942,0.1033591748092734,0.0,0.15402920878769974,0.15230511626754073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776588940415969,0.0659877259437103,0.3423147380791966,0.0,0.08249459338030975,0.0,0.039226072670031316,0.05225845631607917,0.0,0.03971262634160725,0.0,0.044199750474708976,0.062360859749104276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412232541992266,0.0,0.28299307312979904,0.0,0.037284842135836,0.0,0.0,0.03463614189084418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901608303274193,0.0,0.0,0.03552636119380211,0.14911366205887475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044591613775109014,0.03238401891645167,0.04078686436857043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465561379482914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291526276041488,0.03989154604188995,0.0,0.0,0.04676657172436973,0.0,0.0,0.04252458740660979,0.0487305021118864,0.0,0.04794890016793826,0.0386404101186507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192191464867992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149216131263871,0.039053082082698934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532850909428944,0.0,0.04402523489136111,0.04855135341661604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031033185235174537,0.05986195665971615,0.0,0.22250328513730885,0.13618987190927986,0.0,0.0,0.08927008346463618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038542053694887064,0.08265533237768204,0.0,0.0749386340578693,0.0,0.0,0.08660444832895306,0.21075026858148166,0.05215195725993555,0.0,0.04502842257887912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327306373337647,0.10214384629799453,0.0,0.060161620875927274
suicidewatch,throwaiiaiaiaia,2018/01/05,"I have a meeting with a psychiatrist on monday Is there anything I cannot say to this person? For example, being suicidal, is that a reason to lock me up somewhere?",3.0377083333333315,5.3122831875,5.532500000000002,74.39583333333336,76.5,8.016666666666666,29.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.906279166666668,130,6,22,3,3,46,27,32,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956680619599688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198272924404043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943557569354095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823617292277756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259312910198107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UncompetitiveBungee,2018/01/05,I’m getting worse :( I feel like I’m getting closer to ending my life. I the day I was going to commit I chickened out. I just feel like I’m never going to get better everyday I suffer from my own thoughts and in the end it is going to kill me. I feel so drained and hopeless I tried talking to my family but they constantly belittle me about how I feel. I feel like my existence is unbearable to be around and that I have nothing to offer to the world anymore. I do not trust myself and every single day just keeps getting harder and harder. ,2.196216216216218,4.09958992792793,4.259720720720721,84.29282432432434,77.64864864864866,6.602162162162162,24.613513513513517,7.554174236665415,1.3638929729729732,426,15,82,6,10,146,64,111,0.18,0.73,0.09,-0.8874,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,2,21,23,8,1,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,6,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,5,20,5,13,20,2,15,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,10,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230059612470354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568658006796073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473848835308814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685162047956698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108632661513724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898973864376838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788538620050675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427823935765153,0.0,0.413741396743315,0.35074292574360805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420094271521033,0.0,0.27902468060221264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546301832317793,0.18105868417123802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559351990635773,0.23985894300495345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621990075083234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703023642760155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315387266511655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992283818402556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111018878639202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677720519233125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IG4651,2018/01/05,"When you've made your decision I just want it to be the least horrific experience I can have for my family and who ever finds me. It says in the guide lines not to be specific when it comes to methods but i just want it to be as easy as possible for my family and friends when Im gone. 
",3.3367741935483863,3.5336718709677437,5.490483870967744,83.30572580645162,72.2258064516129,10.716129032258065,26.79032258064516,10.686352973137794,2.5703096774193557,224,7,53,7,4,79,41,62,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.897,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,13,10,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,9,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019816544192174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522290494870198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727615184816416,0.5257358774401569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25485703800534976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154330615554703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011978023975299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638475618683305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143530769842212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174678677910856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289371197656666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepecheThrowaway,2018/01/05,"I am so scared. And alone. I’m disabled and being abused by family. But I will be homeless without them. I don’t want to live anymore. I am very disabled neurologically because of the extreme trauma of my upbringing. But I have been recovering. I will have to be recovering in my family’s (who originally traumatized me and made me this way) house for a long time more, probably months.

I am dependent on my family for everything. But every day it’s more abuse. It’s more extreme pain I cannot take. Not to mention it’s hindering my recovery. I’ve talked to a psychiatrist and many other people over the years and everyone agrees my Mom and family are problems for me.

I don’t want to explain the abuse or the pain I’ve been through. But I really can’t take more. But if I complain too much they will make me homeless and then I definitely can not recover.

Nobody is on my side. I have no one. It’s all people who abuse me, or people who believe them rather than me. If I act out of line then they’ll call the police and say something ridiculously untrue about me to get me taken away. They’ve done it before and they just threatened to do it again a few minutes ago. And all of them are OK with that, there’s no moral disagreement with it. Let alone compassion for me. The only one on my side would be God who I cannot get to in this life.

So I really really want to die. I’ve tried so hard to make life work for me but I’m 21 and it’s at the point where I know no one cares, and I won’t be able to heal, and things won’t get much better.  I genuinely don’t have anything to live for and cannot fathom how I could ever be in a relationship, friendship, or anything after all this. It’s like I am not even human anymore neurologically. Sometimes, all there is is fear and survival instinct. I don’t want to live this way, there is no dignity or self-respect to it. But there’s no better alternative. So I’d really just like to die. I mean how can there be any better option but that tbh?",1.2584174702212143,3.4682558048780514,3.411043675553035,87.58977595008508,82.41463414634147,6.838343732274533,21.48610323312536,7.97965635744439,1.0764764605785588,1560,49,333,31,43,531,177,410,0.153,0.755,0.092,-0.9242,0,3,1,0,4,2,45.0,0,0,6,5,20,15,1,2,11,1,44,7,0,7,5,62,63,37,2,10,21,1,1,2,0,7,7,1,0,1,22,18,0,0,3,0,0,1,19,8,0,3,5,2,46,7,43,42,11,29,1,0,0,0,19,14,0,8,14,237,68,1,0.0835686829874513,0.3960608963518444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740785952225747,0.0,0.0,0.17310390515776286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682957012371369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657553558971336,0.0,0.0,0.1375398111708286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851552857953413,0.0,0.0,0.05094269349267805,0.0,0.07111079409798125,0.09415328838139113,0.0,0.2217291268962344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533296886908044,0.0,0.08520384186646687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672279331985594,0.0,0.0,0.05389488706225565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346219829495205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551977712317269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519632695819137,0.0755926581595426,0.07041021970467043,0.07985345785174228,0.0751061437293355,0.0,0.3151244675929856,0.0940380018377278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098356307225306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748611253945837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964270400213648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459271626600352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854546403061682,0.11805406442721235,0.08165487458088444,0.0,0.2213780343814994,0.07395565469080298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907470844894844,0.11156548963116407,0.0847255279258239,0.0,0.09103079477224263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787463150046084,0.06670372546884183,0.0,0.1228651950633605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698849071004357,0.06355774916103606,0.17784594145778276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738080075150362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899941720860608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901011745975516,0.07996394342182997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414495288074847,0.0,0.0,0.08972149082197628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645717091295134,0.083666830345058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718036200844988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433525496019178,0.08265156432028029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566649871128574,0.06716934185986354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555193196422631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872957109152929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673765015605778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895291548514057,0.19716389766366044,0.13266586150685722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055722824449628,0.0,0.06083899651307526,0.0,0.0,0.059364794691635976,0.0,0.0,0.05381549193702142
suicidewatch,bubababa93,2018/01/06,"Fuck fuck fuck. I swear to god, i do not want to live anymore. Wtf should i live anymore??? What the fuck??????? 
I have been keep asking myself for the last half an hour, why the fuck should i luve anymore? 

I have my brain on suicide mode, i can realise that my life sucks and that i have made it this way, but i really do not want to stay alive. I keep myself from crying for a while now.  I do not know if i want to stay alive or not i am so fucking confused and i have no idea eith whom i should talk about. 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

",0.44953761755486,2.1250492672413834,1.7468652037617538,101.32101880877742,82.1896551724138,4.563009404388715,16.579937304075234,4.851557810540192,-1.0658517241379313,409,7,103,1,11,130,63,116,0.438,0.506,0.056,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,0,3,15,14,1,5,0,13,15,1,1,0,21,35,7,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,15,0,1,2,0,19,0,9,30,0,8,0,0,0,13,3,1,14,3,4,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224545138649785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989962670757062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346777317785169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821310637254488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.898604624357284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363314635669342,0.0,0.0,0.08440595113037938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291758543122076,0.0,0.0,0.04109150133717278,0.060947328802344186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281208837325723,0.0,0.0,0.13204612505159696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074894898295077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789941892766456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938921841807782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817859751280056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600970959447788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230341417659258,0.059348750388296075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746807318989778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,luisfilippi,2018/01/06,"I will kill myself today I am 24 years old and I am a complete useless, still surrounded by dreams that I can not carry out. My whole life is full of nothing. I have not been able to get a job for 6 years since I left school. I go every day in these 6 years of a job, and I can not. I live with my parents but I can not take them anymore, every day is a different fight because of this, nobody can help me, not even me anymore. Every truck / bus passing by. I imagine in his trajectory, to see if I will be able to fit my head in time, for a quick death, every day before I go to sleep in 3 years I imagine a different way to die, I already tried for 15x without success, I'm almost going for the 16th, I bought a bit of extasy with the money of a beak that I saved, I'm with him in my drawer, thinking about taking it or not. My life sucks, and I really want to die. But first I wanted to leave it at least registered somewhere, because my family would be happy because I feel that they pretend to like me for all my relatives. thank you.",3.44737012987013,3.5640124772727297,5.181298701298701,85.90409090909094,71.95454545454545,7.922077922077923,26.623376623376625,7.7094869923839395,1.3280649350649352,795,24,177,9,14,273,123,220,0.136,0.7390000000000001,0.124,-0.5636,5,0,0,0,1,2,26.0,0,1,2,2,4,9,3,0,10,0,15,4,2,0,1,28,31,7,4,4,11,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,2,2,4,7,4,0,1,2,2,36,5,32,24,5,29,0,1,1,0,8,11,1,3,14,121,43,4,0.21940600630879525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985171109315534,0.0,0.1210599919188616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759180210572468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062179748937592,0.0,0.09334917567641894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976726661589022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502151162040786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122480845947164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277087948074677,0.2292325784047025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245779894981569,0.0,0.3697180464372357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034182280567118,0.0,0.05546913460129595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331331844132547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731529132369403,0.0,0.18704023439803186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678088677691095,0.0,0.0,0.11258693055358822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353161057433234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772660635932164,0.0,0.12137011913819575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161596404773101,0.11919263391390815,0.0,0.15497295086237795,0.053595346028510515,0.0,0.0968697616375213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526299023300106,0.0,0.11511484777910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181220252782217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027855292664685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102529595606776,0.0874190902183562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907474578488723,0.0,0.10978222935129127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876089600282481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496601132982308,0.0,0.0,0.10099978624126656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029325480821662,0.0,0.0,0.06396870334751123,0.0,0.10398561975489704,0.0,0.0,0.07448113804758362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941134713453456,0.08707713764947715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247948530178418,0.0,0.10574978028004252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792986590795772,0.0,0.0,0.2825805491087624
suicidewatch,Thirdlegontheground,2018/01/06,I’m out! 8 days ago I admitted myself into the hospital! I wanted to kill myself. After 8 days I’m out and I’m on the correct meds to make myself feel like I should! I’m happy as ever! Thank you everyone for the support! I love you all!,-2.0561111111111106,-0.3422008846153837,2.094102564102567,90.33978632478636,105.92307692307692,4.618803418803419,15.393162393162394,6.42735559955562,0.002005982905982417,182,5,39,3,9,68,33,52,0.081,0.605,0.314,0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,12,12,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,5,9,11,1,9,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052380070344765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645304532234103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556441569998078,0.0,0.2700536059063207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429001501808425,0.20190235236369503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008521113340509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126749385397787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380728769525357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550737749667096,0.0,0.18864970647568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31392488119220424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32071155197368306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26019667921361045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669541605033508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontknowdontknownono,2018/01/06,"this hurts and keeps repeating I keep going in the same mental loop. I'm depressed, then suicidal, then I indulge in hope over something I'm used to accepting won't come true, I feel comforted, loved, safe, and then I accept it is not real, and then I feel depressed again, and an inch closer to suicide. 

My therapist says that I am choosing to not leave this cycle. I have tried. For many years. And this time it just feels stamped into my mind, and like, I can't change it, no matter how I try. 

I put up mental barriers, I forbid myself from giving in, I remind myself that it is a downward spiral, and sometimes this works. But not always. Sometimes something random triggers me into having hope. And then I fall back in again. 

I don't know how, and just, simple statements and decisions and acceptances don't work. They are as meaningless as gibberish to me. They don't affect my feelings. Even realizing that it just gets worse, every cycle, for diminishing returns on feeling slightly better. 

Otherwise, I feel, I don't know. empty. sad. without hope. unable to connect to anyone actually in my life. lacking the ability to keep my mind in the present, and not on the imaginary. 

I feel so broken, and I feel like fixing this would either require abrupt, intense pain - or just, so much more energy than I have left in me, that, when I'm at a low, I just want to try to die. I can't stand it, and the general advice I get is to just choose to change. I've tried. It either hurts too much or takes too much out of me. I'm stuck sinking in misery. 

A family member just came by, to ask me to spend time with them. I hate myself sometimes. I feel so sad. I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I'm just not mentally here with my family. My emotions are stuck in the past, and I just, I can't move on. I can't accept. I can't even begin to try without instantly wishing for death. My mind is just cemented into this pattern. I can't fix it and I can't expect anyone or anything to fix it for me, anything or anyone to help. 

I feel like I die more and more every day. And it hurts. In ways I just, can't express. Can't communicate. Can't find peace or acceptance with. 

This sensation, this whole pattern, over and over and over, makes me want to commit suicide. It makes me feel like that is my only choice I can make to actually free myself from this pain. And I feel like a terrible person for choosing that. For not wanting to feel like this anymore. 

I don't know. I keep coming on here just to vent to someone that doesn't know me enough to be hurt by my death. I just want someone to talk to until I decide when and how I'll die. I'm so lonely on top of all these feelings, and they are so taboo that I don't have anyone to let them out to in entirety, without being further hurt in order to protect me momentarily from myself. I just wind up making tiny choices instead, that put me at greater risk to die. 

Maybe that's a dramatic way of saying I pick unhealthy things to do. When I pick those things I do think 'I hope this kills me'. Now I just hope I find something to kill me quickly. Dying slowly alone is miserable and awful and terribly lonely. It is excruciatingly painful. I just don't want to be alone anymore, even if only for a few more days. 

Thanks. ",2.3022764227642303,4.295391341463418,3.8736951219512186,86.76358130081303,77.65853658536584,6.507479674796747,23.58577235772357,7.492282038375204,1.0742728455284554,2544,83,512,35,60,845,260,656,0.198,0.6579999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9953,0,6,3,0,0,4,97.0,0,0,5,5,40,49,3,2,14,1,42,5,0,12,3,151,104,51,12,15,34,0,16,8,0,2,4,2,0,2,37,36,0,10,35,0,2,8,29,24,0,0,3,18,83,26,86,95,16,74,0,13,0,1,15,37,0,12,33,362,120,3,0.0,0.0,0.09714612528521496,0.0,0.0,0.048639396483759235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031034435528168,0.0,0.0,0.041416653329546936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872653054673604,0.139214898677507,0.0,0.08192090261853152,0.0,0.04653275524590412,0.0,0.0,0.0382737786832902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402180008229978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692915551333828,0.0,0.0,0.10531035925940913,0.08575323266387938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420130661921718,0.0,0.08574199158762892,0.0,0.2582921216328359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598999423279102,0.0,0.051430714218875635,0.0,0.0986274349328536,0.0,0.08387489705960988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384657650263244,0.0,0.40268246568995403,0.2489140839025861,0.0,0.0,0.09098660198295414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201059787091016,0.047748560988671716,0.028288187998604962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914234847986415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03336302529444665,0.0,0.0,0.2471882301272486,0.0,0.0,0.2664249724577423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696865525828806,0.11013696893540116,0.0,0.10941979890157602,0.0,0.0,0.05270436745732213,0.0540805080851793,0.05089814510598961,0.035157440719660864,0.19453977643057252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044923735431021725,0.0,0.13290036584842754,0.05046387415709348,0.05000551585065408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504839912799012,0.0,0.15077519417963656,0.0,0.0,0.05290277649593481,0.10977070123527127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757120158207488,0.1588918138745505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047515715853876525,0.0,0.08692293881453525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000749219595626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665466374745206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791658993904113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434811891957263,0.11495730825134555,0.14768576518273666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333678486298264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037424484284600025,0.04000713005646323,0.0,0.045825984182608484,0.0,0.0577924243380932,0.06613638246473913,0.031893706936077244,0.0,0.0,0.058048217662213214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689692414753196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298947943874256,0.0,0.0,0.14679244797287966,0.07901790055395906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055571830050471255,0.05723860825180881,0.14394350539073314,0.0,0.07247335104403417,0.0,0.05072481320484131,0.035358617432318315,0.0,0.0,0.032053364308210874
suicidewatch,rayanbfvr,2018/01/06,"I have to kill myself I don’t see it as an option anymore, I’m just too deep in it, it’s going to happen soon. I don’t care if this hurts others, I can’t take the pain no more.",-1.3773255813953469,-0.22985251162790554,2.049011627906978,99.51909883720931,85.74418604651162,4.3,13.075581395348838,3.1291,-1.5896930232558142,134,1,37,0,4,49,33,43,0.292,0.637,0.07,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,10,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,10,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354401970966182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643491255885137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309413338538385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160094826370476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825578994045031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953624081671709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38025288437792426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28476714263713354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686878779068701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VirtueInExtremis,2018/01/06,"I feel so empty, i just want to die After years and years of abuse and lonliness i escape it to find love and they all hurt me instead and eventually leave me entirely alone. Its always my fault, they go because i tell them about the sexual assault or they go because i tell them about the MPD or they go because im trans people just always leave me and im alone and dying and all i want is to kill myself so i dont have to feel this pain anymore and i dont have any reason left to stay.",1.0002857142857169,2.8288163142857172,3.0021428571428608,92.24035714285715,81.09523809523809,5.723809523809526,19.07142857142857,6.742157984588678,0.05117142857142865,383,9,86,4,10,129,58,105,0.293,0.633,0.07400000000000001,-0.9791,0,2,0,0,1,2,4.0,0,0,6,0,7,6,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,2,20,13,12,3,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,0,2,19,1,9,13,2,8,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,2,3,55,22,0,0.0,0.16550333828223038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289342113166855,0.0,0.0,0.23245745402347,0.0,0.0,0.09499027705338796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385295291296032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25545119687766643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899409979427532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274184806671943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125740075098067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766913878164196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23815782900552826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495351888840734,0.0,0.3017665459504291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454024730627253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29581151759324315,0.15176766120800886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607075082125546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863419884330667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968396719759886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436189713453056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488851338111772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441808892672411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647791213555379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990452779191202
suicidewatch,Lavvy_in_love,2018/01/06,"Hopeless I’ve had anxiety all morning.  I’m so tired.  I feel really sad.  The world just seems to make it clear to me over and over again that I don’t belong in it.  When I look up I see a lot of mean and seemingly snotty girls with good men that practically worship them.  Meanwhile the only men that treat me well are taken.  I wish they’d stop tormenting me.  When I was a teen I made the mistake of opening my mouth to my mom and sharing “wouldn’t it be so cool if I could find a guy like (insert favorite character) in real life?”  I was a stupid kid but I had some hopes.  Anyway, long story short mom shot that down.  Over the years she shot down any happy feeling I had about relationships.  If a man felt my forehead for a fever when I was out and not feeling well, I’d relay this to her to say I kind of likes how that felt and get a response like “well don’t get your hopes up.  Most men aren’t like that.”  She told me men are stupid and ignorant and inattentive.  I’m afraid that the ones who aren’t wouldn’t want me anyway.  I took the phrase “become who you want to be with” seriously and tried to work on myself.  I tried to become polite, well mannered, clean and easy to live with, considerate, etc.  I practiced compromise and doing things that were inconvenient for me so that I’d never get too used to just focusing on myself.   I tried to be someone worthy of everything I was asking for.  I tried to be someone who could give back in a relationship.  Years later I have some ideas of what I like and long for in a man or relationship but my moms words (there were many more, not just what I shared) echo in my head that there isn’t a man like that out there.  At least, not one for me.   I created a world in my head with my idea of a wonderful couple in it and unfortunately that’s what I have to live through though I’d kill for it to be real.  
My family is hard to be around.  My mom and I have extremely different ways of being and seeing.  When I’ve tried to tell her when I feel sad and hurt sometimes I get something like “well THATS just stupid,” and the like.  I tried to point out that this is why I don’t like sharing my feelings with her when she profs me (if she wants to know something she’ll prod me until it comes out; I have a whole different story of trying to leave the house as an adult when I didn’t want to discuss my dating life with her and her and my dad cornered me, forced me back into the house and got everything out of me that they wanted to know then while I was crying told me in this disgusted voice “get yourself together”).  They wonder why I don’t like to visit them.  I don’t feel safe, accepted, or understood.  Whenever I bring it up that I don’t like something that just happened it always gets thrown back on me (“well if YOU... etc”) 
It doesn’t help that I am part of a church that stresses that families are eternal, and that marriage is needed to get into the highest level of heaven.  I was told that those of us who were apparently not good enough to be loved will be servants to those who were.  Nice.  Solution?  Don’t go to heaven.  Kill myself.
Meanwhile, my friends talk to me only at their convenience.  I initiate talking and texting and if we make plans I’m the one that sees everything through.  Half the time they can’t even be READY on time.  One of my friends who always stood me up called and wanted to hang out at a park.  I picked her up because she can’t drive and we went to the park.  Turns out she just needed a ride there because she was meeting a boy (who she was cheating on her boyfriend with), so she went with him and I got left.  Later she has the audacity to tell me about one of my other friends “once a cheater always a cheater”. And since being with this guy she seems to think she knows everything about life and love.  My friends go weeks without talking to me, choose when to respond to my texts, and never answer my phone calls.  I tried not to be over bearing, I didn’t call often or text more than average.  I’ve given up.  Screw them.  If they contact me now they’ll be ignored.  I’m obviously not remotely important to anyone.
I want to die.  I wish I had the guts to kill my self.  I want to die so bad.",2.823485616414416,4.199347266978927,3.8616068370093366,90.07927033451014,74.57377049180326,7.065720577440668,23.636198399105176,7.652158237619267,0.8863049250235946,3242,93,714,42,67,1048,329,854,0.128,0.69,0.183,0.9918,5,0,3,0,0,4,84.0,3,3,10,2,45,60,9,2,35,1,65,13,5,6,5,143,138,58,5,25,24,5,9,11,4,5,5,2,1,14,50,51,0,4,26,0,0,11,26,20,6,6,33,16,125,40,115,84,13,88,4,4,4,3,97,46,1,21,41,496,175,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157510536963485,0.0,0.0,0.033119904286342976,0.0,0.03725788014520295,0.0,0.0,0.03405446967002701,0.0,0.0,0.043356249842881715,0.045530997536557885,0.0,0.0,0.1123494609593554,0.040665209103428884,0.05937814165734704,0.10757790495224913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919449972580975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195356802469418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777122099148,0.053889259118757485,0.053498272255483634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109264230436577,0.10176913488461396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032351319040277,0.10863407505882908,0.032168060779509004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508549061460735,0.0,0.09182624628555297,0.0,0.14775506728906448,0.0,0.09352558366175244,0.0,0.044513920665704684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051215043390365,0.0,0.17811819585093555,0.04672062939880954,0.05535839910066532,0.08170001042882842,0.07790493318126335,0.0,0.0,0.09644781964436228,0.04306815457397016,0.051845553110528034,0.043628577559870325,0.0,0.09996724376169856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03264478568840555,0.0,0.0,0.0967467035855825,0.0,0.1123941050115502,0.05213787449527276,0.10996016242163692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164890843390686,0.05071697724527164,0.08029815612535925,0.0,0.0,0.051569747206757104,0.0529162622627818,0.0,0.1032017127508988,0.26173361748289226,0.0,0.08601178686674034,0.08620175023182679,0.04089849363290884,0.0,0.0,0.041405791735535866,0.08791323343884176,0.04608422639126777,0.06501964259450363,0.04937748727299002,0.0,0.053052155830197706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816279766323325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222573824850292,0.07512595256946816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051867409616103186,0.16501303372557855,0.07408208664209234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274091215890756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604034714551048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110870002942575,0.031200571847429363,0.0,0.0,0.15686730598082882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038730807482558006,0.0,0.0,0.1164306388625382,0.13301292601387904,0.050808148629013526,0.0,0.0,0.04028786109953842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253227161051023,0.11248250594965696,0.04816879475676245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040718127515350186,0.05578944905559501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743756825183367,0.08513763652399721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03235629881752965,0.03120709883316125,0.04785073078076037,0.0,0.05679855494076823,0.05597726220631912,0.0,0.1396142294526862,0.054111142281343005,0.2645306714106601,0.052975189186717765,0.0,0.0,0.0585840558490268,0.04206400141318911,0.0,0.0,0.2298116774463481,0.03865840112468912,0.0390668379378216,0.0,0.26274061647721875,0.09029686729942116,0.08789427980944667,0.05437547903103666,0.11201274962279413,0.04694822929722437,0.10563327128941508,0.03545657193963888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627266381989707
suicidewatch,Troy2021,2018/01/06,"Why can't my mom accept I want to kill myself? She has a son that has done much better. Went to college at the right age. Graduated at the right age. Got the traditional college experience. I flunked kindergarten. Graduated high school at 19. Will graduate college at 25 and still live with my parents. I transferred to USC to get the college experience but I am a dumbass for overlooking the money. Plus I am 22. No longer 18. And 3 years at USC isn't 4. I commute an hour and 30 now from school thanks to my stupidity.Having the college experience I desire is only now such a distant dream and impossible at this point no matter what I do. It's so weird that I am my mom's favorite. She has the perfect son. Yet she's so blind. Me dying won't be such a bad thing. She's going to have a son that is much more responsible (especially financially), competent, and intelligent. He's going to Switzerland for his job! Most of all, he's confident enough that he will get married and give her grandchildren! I told her the other day that I have been having suicidal thoughts and she cried. I was confused. It's obvious to me who really should be the favorite. When I die, I hope she will discover she's much better off.",1.8556330388966416,4.400705820083684,3.9082473268247364,82.80852936618629,82.84937238493724,7.222749108941578,25.169843483651015,8.285830014693849,1.9441091275375788,957,39,187,22,27,325,133,239,0.154,0.65,0.196,0.8849,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,4,9,11,1,1,15,0,24,1,0,0,3,22,36,12,4,4,1,6,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,2,1,1,3,5,5,0,0,7,1,31,6,21,22,7,24,0,1,1,0,22,11,0,3,10,129,43,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956832355080096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321176670324057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414572390341926,0.08462998721670124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238397600360953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428987496251624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559165431646886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850929582998615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712045641234913,0.12588404563335162,0.14915764894971667,0.0,0.10495351079220748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386475938487244,0.0,0.13033714020721365,0.12923128842398285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022166924221915,0.0,0.14518225194967027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587506249664035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073808765256433,0.0,0.0,0.28939887773338946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980337267999954,0.0,0.0,0.14571106960686006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405109339534008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406680861898967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413276804125265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26561566561415423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479734384529324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354006943563408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081537463307775,0.0,0.0,0.0871807989165499,0.0,0.0,0.104178876111847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539217513149198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740056176199092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164792202006025,0.11841115662201344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450531475146572
suicidewatch,lilscared,2018/01/06,"Are you strip searched at a psych ward? I'm afraid of being sent to a psych ward sometime soon. My parents admitted me once when I was 13 and it was the worst experience of my life. The nurses made fun of me, I had panic attacks the entire time, and couldn't stop sobbing. They didn't strip search me, only made me pull up my sleeves and the legs of my pants to my thigh to see if I was hiding anything. I'm 18 now and I'm terrified that another psych ward would do a strip search. I'm reading several stories involving people being forced to take their clothes off, spread their arms and legs out, and even squat and cough. 

I'm so terrified of being sent to the psych again and the thought of this makes me feel like throwing up. I couldn't handle that. It would be traumatizing. Can they force you to do a strip search? Can they literally pull your clothes off? I would rather anything else. I'd let them x-ray me or run a metal detector over me. Anything but that. I'm going to throw up. It makes me want to run away from home and kill myself where no one can find me, because I don't want to survive and be sent there. Can they really do this? I feel sick just thinking about it. Please tell me if they can force you to do this.",2.218475304223336,3.952173181102364,3.0820186113099517,93.5297494631353,77.03149606299212,6.350465282748747,22.56907659269864,7.1686216300943375,0.5294944881889765,964,28,217,11,22,305,130,254,0.125,0.821,0.054000000000000006,-0.9689,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,4,8,1,11,8,2,2,11,0,27,7,4,4,0,35,50,16,1,10,6,1,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,10,11,0,1,6,1,0,10,5,6,0,1,11,3,35,2,27,28,1,26,0,1,1,0,19,10,1,3,7,137,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580594200555991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721276672408809,0.0,0.0,0.17148350652324282,0.1416210586290896,0.0,0.0,0.0918870230179008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592025228956227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955944254184124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744834123174014,0.0,0.0,0.1524328974720375,0.10768554315117956,0.0,0.0,0.1377696080968717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856665154957334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120009758109432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667666086711341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413736421157034,0.1064690124496374,0.07364180047935565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852593397491496,0.2012343676962345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605284951077299,0.10214234400055372,0.1146412166244308,0.0,0.17685574944573312,0.16737404605490971,0.0,0.0,0.10450108603912656,0.0,0.0,0.16546242435238515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077639174405166,0.0,0.09656508551785152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011675783420422,0.0,0.0,0.17028832343839986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490813632430855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260217115530378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333441233650685,0.0,0.1317495588210655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658528639552952,0.0,0.11966722950657753,0.08789514086418204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781552525804034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32123473744477204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheOliveOilTycoon,2018/01/06,Things that keep you alive? I feel like the only reason I haven't killed myself is that I get to talk to my friends regularly and I usually guilt trip myself about how my family will react ,2.0360526315789467,4.449416552631583,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,80.84210526315789,6.957894736842108,17.394736842105264,8.07648339933343,0.6834000000000002,151,3,30,3,4,50,31,38,0.05,0.6679999999999999,0.281,0.8654,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,6,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,9,2,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,21,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193650585536624,0.0,0.17129382075807253,0.2420195172129109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173519925274275,0.0,0.17699492356003296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011170308761381,0.3748021594798468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550738824506678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576521517024225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483150929337872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27229292552164586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506574502253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731106262586033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,timeenough_andworld,2018/01/06,"Tried Everything. Still Single. Might as well get it over with. I once made a post on here talking about how being single has been this awful poison in my mind as a 20 year old straight guy, making every aspect of my life seem miserable.

I'll spare you my life story and just say between extreme parental pressure, my so called friends and what everyone else seems to manage easily, I feel like a total failure for being single.

Last time I settled for the fact I hadn't tried much and that was probably why. Now I've gone to uni societies, tried dating apps, parties and bars and zero success. Not exactly looking for advice here but let's say it wasn't because I seemed desperate or creepy.

I already felt suicidal when I had options, now I have none and don't see another way. In some kind of futile gesture against the world, I'm planning on ending it on February 14th.

There isn't a miracle that can fix my situation or believe me I would've found it. I'd rather die than live this lonely pathetic life where nobody wants me any longer. This is just me expediting my removal from the gene pool.",5.493044058744992,6.3325023364486,5.920961281708947,79.83775700934585,67.69158878504672,8.918024032042723,31.173564753004012,9.04235418022936,2.60703311081442,876,34,163,15,14,282,152,214,0.173,0.759,0.067,-0.9833,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,15,9,1,2,7,1,15,5,0,3,3,31,29,14,2,2,7,1,2,1,1,1,4,2,0,1,10,7,1,0,6,2,0,2,6,4,1,1,9,6,19,5,21,16,7,23,0,2,2,0,8,9,0,8,11,104,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931072729707566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602874862922574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998850829272456,0.13875888079813148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066675475179562,0.0,0.0,0.14908988320431854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512308046676189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733699230663365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054420718089347,0.0,0.11720454298231325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149320021237284,0.126446382375427,0.11892910368860285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690970472558995,0.0945361272396194,0.12705694569893358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509232225293447,0.10223734178379086,0.0,0.0691366333059744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102687952906875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378006738171643,0.0,0.10786609702750212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353157447980515,0.2804044390773534,0.06464944519523252,0.0,0.1168492567009221,0.0,0.1111233414693947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125213247988897,0.08833088097446813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038054805650546,0.1336149392412564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727731180068198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885741196061566,0.1409264586034894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693610350502787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267349557299694,0.0,0.14267344060152734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046725015840506,0.0,0.0,0.10544937388933527,0.3614030611971063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874375448682264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567840455670527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474685112544286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636133378828712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716231889005955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695288644870958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805129002959266,0.1050368932263808,0.0,0.0,0.1189799943274858,0.0,0.119406672482096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940029866102228,0.0,0.0,0.08521577467345515
suicidewatch,realryley,2018/01/06,"(Before I die) Any last ideas? Hello, I am a person who is looking for any ideas, any last things I should try before I decide to end my own life.

Before you give me your thoughts, here’s a brief history:

• I’m a nineteen year old drug addict. I’ve been to inpatient treatment four times, have had years of counseling, and have had multiple therapists.

• I’m diagnosed with clinical depression, though no medications I’ve found have helped. I’ve tried at least six different kinds of medications, all failing me, and I’m shut down to the idea now considering it’s been a battle for over five years.

• Yes, I’ve tried talking to people, calling suicide hotlines, even telling my friends, yet, nobody understands. My birthday was yesterday and my best friend had already made plans with other people despite knowing what I’m going through.

• The day before my birthday, my brother and I got in a fight. We threw each other against the walls, on the ground, etc.

• I’ve tried Narcotics Anonymous, other kinds of counseling, exercise, meditation, video games, etc. NOTHING helps.


Truth be told, I have no idea why I’m posting this. I guess I’m just looking for anything to get me going for another day. I’ve straight up told a few people that I’m suicidal and they brush it off as if I’m not even being serious when I say it. So, I’m willing to give it (life) one last chance before I do go through with it.


Just please don’t suggest anything I’ve already listed, thanks.",3.252788435917936,5.712187521582737,4.003253397282176,84.70008659738878,76.66187050359713,6.996216360245137,28.64162003730349,8.045849151850463,2.112583906208367,1153,51,213,20,27,367,163,278,0.107,0.809,0.085,-0.8033,1,0,1,0,1,1,46.0,1,2,1,3,10,12,2,0,10,1,18,9,0,1,2,28,46,10,3,2,4,1,0,0,2,2,9,1,0,1,13,10,0,0,9,3,0,5,4,5,0,4,13,4,22,7,27,29,8,32,0,2,2,0,23,11,0,2,15,121,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168967571705333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562960950873067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158811341729632,0.08819412992377916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842674196548152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35784677402732673,0.0,0.08826571500250198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588324182092523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084848606540469,0.0,0.07244173443971726,0.08536742210599275,0.0872903879965239,0.08787451853719021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753808910425744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449435042991846,0.0,0.1876043665567375,0.11110452521697874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221961899746348,0.12996261359961742,0.0,0.04394273854911269,0.16136730724221116,0.14340082600120574,0.0,0.06726851419870415,0.0,0.09265398050146527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112751074414492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797888757540551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517020114764367,0.046223325745671735,0.2056767074127899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881534062995765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125836643744746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958462476630085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694590742979835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807034903230855,0.0,0.08825675561011857,0.0,0.0569934721659449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492881517726927,0.07343949369180362,0.0,0.09232486457121353,0.0,0.0,0.08055181107863069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688572255124756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840000801503601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760248596006947,0.0735137311270555,0.07743495841713534,0.0,0.09765538166322814,0.05587733812338303,0.0,0.08263526920572734,0.06677202271784455,0.049043805616379915,0.0,0.0,0.16073679192950707,0.0,0.2284141003545645,0.0,0.0,0.08755895582041262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589400783631811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624875696577555
suicidewatch,Zman12314,2018/01/06,Im dealing with the same thing Im 28 and my girlfriend passed from cancer in 2016 halloween and ive done some shitty things to her and everybody else because of how selfish and inconsiderate i was. in the past as well. Said the wrong things to her during our arguments. And drank alot. And hurt alot of people because of my drinking. Lost all my firends. Mainly i just miss her and i am lonely as ive ever been. Cant keep a job due to my bipolar episodes and depression/ suicidal thoughts that make me wanna drink all the time. Im tired of starting over all the time however i feel like ill never be happy again. I have so much guilt built up inside that not breathing and just blackness or whatever follows after this ( hopefully reuniting with the ones i love) seems like the best option. I constantly watch nde vids and other vids about when people died and came back cause it makes me less afraid to just do it cauze they say it was pure bliss and love and relaxation. I hope it is. Anyway thats my story so far. Still trying to build tge courage to just get it over with but IDK.,2.785,4.966294883720934,3.3662209302325614,90.07537790697675,76.90697674418605,6.3465116279069775,23.30813953488372,7.365786028017652,0.8947720930232554,860,27,174,11,20,269,141,215,0.154,0.754,0.092,-0.88,3,2,2,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,2,15,20,0,2,10,0,12,10,1,4,6,46,30,21,2,3,7,0,1,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,13,17,3,1,3,3,0,3,3,9,1,1,9,5,22,11,24,20,11,22,0,5,2,2,11,6,0,8,15,120,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797286275249134,0.0,0.1553397712837579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337122608306151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572672287930094,0.0,0.13088842285318195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768837208620874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135738326557594,0.10974077636091273,0.0,0.1322347542017413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038790950915252,0.0,0.2496327992083027,0.0,0.0,0.1064373539821998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525250653386032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442392693692411,0.09102399389091463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656812238278395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563368838224393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531000531166399,0.0,0.0,0.13639843338402655,0.0,0.4128842624519996,0.0,0.12643791075108698,0.1132506795094862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244952776537191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390865258522792,0.0,0.2299907203902119,0.0,0.1700985603063607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366334007554936,0.0,0.09826889124418782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863384612664069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163028757781473,0.1766644981093771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119910170548445,0.10132406653436228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599216438946255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018369730453536,0.0,0.10175232190746844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393693276558267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539429452125034,0.0,0.0,0.10115182455139132,0.14859128776144828,0.1464426953339089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865051786051189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455974126542533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393062994107664,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vitanitaka,2018/01/06,"I've started my bucket list and tying up loose ends. I've started my bucket list mostly because I've started tying up loose ends. I got to see my brother jump for joy for Christmas because i bought him a Nintendo switch, I've started training my replacement at work so I don't have to worry about work. I broke up with my best friend (because our friendship had been deteriorating for a while) so that he doesn't miss me as much or think its his fault. I don't feel I belong in my family and i doubt they would miss me much. Or if they did, I know that they will never heal fully or be the same after words but they will learn to get along and live without me. The hardest thing right now is leaving my dog. I know she would never understand... and I don't want to think about her sitting outside my room crying to get in or waiting for me to come home when I never will. That's the only guilt i live with at the moment. And currently the only thing keeping me alive.",3.688750897343862,4.602938165829149,4.6590990667623835,86.97634422110553,71.8643216080402,6.8917444364680565,25.772074659009327,6.868970318607317,0.9713773151471652,761,23,159,6,14,248,109,199,0.087,0.8270000000000001,0.086,-0.0864,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,4,3,6,9,0,2,7,0,15,1,0,0,3,35,36,16,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,6,9,0,2,7,1,1,2,8,6,0,0,5,2,34,3,25,25,5,27,0,3,1,0,12,9,0,7,15,111,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576069104859283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782735986627488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134127409004725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547317385085253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249526175564222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279339808043286,0.0,0.07122472518333732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883064873607884,0.0,0.14719053768102774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266126214283295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129739152774082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520578779351393,0.0,0.0,0.15482958947373338,0.0,0.0,0.14915391288975302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487697780324357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710149082237794,0.0,0.32592742040350603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142657991594335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029650244424772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112249825444984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39881512114725415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716665629232648,0.1805190505294295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664368006549885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308483358822172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578721018063908,0.0,0.2051003438605654,0.14305353535662665,0.0,0.20013051664732254,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VulnerableHolly,2018/01/06,"All the sudden I don’t want to die Instead of dying, I think I’m going to devote this next year to hedonism and go the total opposite direction. I’m tired of pain and hurt. So, what if I totally went the opposite and just had fun? A bunch of fun! That might give me a reason to live right? Fun!!! Hedonism sounds like a good idea. Anyone else with me? ",0.046103500761034866,2.298843260273973,2.6062100456621025,90.8241400304414,89.0,6.5321156773211575,17.700152207001523,7.793537801064563,0.6724106544901063,270,7,59,6,9,93,52,73,0.155,0.608,0.237,0.7358,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,1,3,14,11,5,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,6,8,8,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105079190784462,0.22134473704926996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44840292108765095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804624689120881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723235855687047,0.24554574198128684,0.1811928271638228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312608978267057,0.2438676886329897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553966409688892,0.0,0.19075540810821814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291700391686164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297466947241696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298674882398682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211128033557306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844854998001548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842109530909172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829074911536744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741806069914313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025878312795808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391140203544369
suicidewatch,Citylimits404,2018/01/06,"I feel like im drowning. I'm an army veteran who has been told I have ptsd, depression and anxiety. I have recently separated from a woman I love and have loved for 6 years. We still live together which makes everything much harder to adjust to. I've delt with suicidal thoughts for years. A few attempts in the past. For the most part I have felt very in control. These last two months have been the most challenging. Suicide is on my mind daily and it's to the point that I can barely keep it together at work. I go home to an empty house and the first thing in my mind is to kill myself. I don't want to hurt those I love and that love me but I am sick of feeling weak and like I'm drowning. I don't know what else to do at this point. I feel like I'm breaking. I've never been one to reach out for help and have tried to carry it on my own but the weight seems to be getting heavier with each day. I feel utterly alone yet surrounded by thousands as I live in Los Angeles. I already feel dead inside most days and don't want to do anything but not exist. I don't know if these posts work. I felt like venting to anyone who doesn't know me might help. Please help.",1.9268989547038304,3.5197282520325217,3.272880371660861,92.46207317073171,77.45528455284554,6.799535423925668,22.68989547038328,7.62386473244151,0.7648480836236935,914,27,208,13,21,298,137,246,0.127,0.713,0.159,0.7478,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,6,2,13,1,0,10,0,23,7,0,2,1,43,49,13,6,3,5,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,14,13,1,2,13,0,0,1,7,4,0,4,7,8,24,9,31,40,8,27,1,2,0,4,12,12,0,6,16,130,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108154638276924,0.11523753532461635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988619176105789,0.0,0.0,0.0730176242925935,0.0,0.0859343324016876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712350000249135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346932528155626,0.0,0.08994262233882214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723516498990531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938520456834034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26400655810083623,0.14920500797947334,0.20053214734305225,0.0,0.0,0.0888253555918504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545586762716924,0.0,0.059348138821987126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998518428899726,0.0,0.10474856283360452,0.0,0.0,0.12049446977086288,0.11179101504731198,0.0,0.11279882926176175,0.0,0.0,0.09281930959953327,0.11553274677991775,0.0,0.17217066224085018,0.08512175364931891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407057635804265,0.0,0.18442149882304396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769969411818078,0.0,0.06970567858795272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078029851933492,0.21088253409341545,0.0,0.08335245000083473,0.0,0.07676569004489349,0.0,0.08054036125790408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076228064452954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113084013528399,0.09968716627806017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462923259411635,0.19743409912093327,0.0,0.1000119776063952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206930365010532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310883535078934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506620767501593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833953518911079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284518702827104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937650456605668,0.0,0.0,0.08290318928114533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978425202187853,0.0,0.07089892078077016,0.0,0.10200977862213476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616302013103666,0.12318722684879516,0.0,0.0,0.12716367079984095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204786177425214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344948297691771
suicidewatch,tradon12,2018/01/06,"all i want is to DIE To start i’m 12. I have type 1 diabetes, skin cancer, and my respiratory system is failing. i recently switched schools which was the worst decision of my life. i have friends there but none that i like. i had good friends at my old school who really cared about me. my dad is a weed smoking asshole who doesn’t spend time with his family so that he can smoke with his buddies. my sister is a heroine addict who had a baby and i’m not even allowed to see my nephew. my brother stays in his room all day vaping. my grandma is the one who kept me alive all this time cause she really loves and has always been there. but now it’s all too much and i’m just gonna end it. ",0.7604337899543374,2.7859822123287685,2.592301369863016,93.813200913242,83.04109589041096,6.085114155251143,20.69223744292237,7.3011,0.4567968949771686,537,16,124,8,15,178,98,146,0.081,0.735,0.184,0.9607,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,5,0,14,6,1,2,4,19,24,7,1,1,4,4,1,1,2,1,4,0,1,0,10,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,5,2,20,6,9,18,7,13,0,1,1,1,16,3,0,0,9,80,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179617205285309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636427132144918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038499184293168,0.20539120222188992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289433444634605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750387657644145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708555147982102,0.0,0.0,0.13205703524096016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848356953958487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30894290598182106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676983457339651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141221985280031,0.0976795127897888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045167605774906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469772925892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098010942956112,0.0,0.13548303181394994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561705565178914,0.0,0.1974144628026523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404695467795348,0.15932454539081062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151700819995958,0.21310709868303165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317068513581465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792849822116235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaynrt20,2018/01/06,"Lost $100k on gambling. Being bullied at school. Bad grades. I made $4k to $100k, and then lost it all.
I'm being bullied at school. My grades are bad. Mom left home. Dad and brother hates me.
Lost all friends after I lost my all money. (saw that they were just gold diggers)

Give me a reason to live anymore.",-1.07919034090909,0.8877054843750011,0.5072159090909096,101.78892045454546,103.53125,2.327272727272728,16.75568181818182,3.1291,-1.1915749999999998,237,7,53,0,11,75,44,64,0.353,0.607,0.04,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,4,1,8,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,8,13,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,7,1,7,1,6,4,3,6,0,4,1,0,6,4,0,0,2,27,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659405318928067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794172451947743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927417370342714,0.0,0.0,0.1605125099342055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519789361685247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783970093291245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817981089174328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477502333718369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7306160220253264,0.0,0.0,0.15832609580869694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959679471241724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720370280955855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386818158811775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PsychotherapeuticKid,2018/01/06,"i don't want to live anymore i have self esteem problems and i want to die. this is basically it but if you have time to read, here you go
...

people have really big problems and mine may just seem like minor issues, and they are actually. i sometimes feel bad just because i don't have many reasons to be depressed or suicidal like other people do. but i don't have energy left to study the way my parents want, keep up with social interactions when it's clear nobody is having fun around me and wandering around with no talents or hobbies with a body that's twice the size of a normal human. i can't sing can't dance can't draw don't have any musical talent or interest in technology etc. i used to think i am more in the academic side but my grades seem to be falling lately. i was the honor student in middle school now i have lessons i can't even get a passing grade. i may make my grades high again but I'm so tired and i don't want to be known by just my grades and my career in life. as i mentioned earlier I'm overweight but kind of in my head. im not like 250 pounds, I'm 130 pounds but I'm 5'2 and nothing seems to fit to my body type. i look so ugly disgusting that  i don't even want to step out of my house. i tried to lose weight but whenever I'm sad i tend to eat and I'm sad a lot. my parents always told me i was beautiful even the times when i was an obsese kid. now i see they have lied to me i can't trust their opinions. and i feel like all they care about is my grades, my happiness is not a factor. i can't have relationships because i can't communicate with people i like and also i've already convinced myself that nobody will ever want me. so all i do is stay away and watch them be with confident people who have self esteem unlike me. this issue of self esteem also affected my friendships. I'm the most unneeded one in the friend group. i lost all my closest relationships and now I feel all alone. although there are people around me, I'm alone. because i lack self esteem, i can't even walk in public. i constantly think people will have bad impressions about me because of the way i walked, so i changed it and it was unnatural like i sticked my arms into my torso and people found it funny. now i can't even walk in front of people. so basically i don't have time to improve my social skills or study or develop hobbies. in addition to everything and all my empty days, i don't have time to sleep. for the last few years i tried to do everything, i still do. when i can't do any of these and lose sleep even though i didn't manage to do anything. it is a bit to much... 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suicidewatch,hormonalmilkshake69,2018/01/06,"I HATE BEING 16 I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY PARENTS I HATE MY FRIENDS AND I HATE MY SCHOOL. EVERYONE THINKS THEY'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME AND EVERYONE IN MY SCHOOL ACTS LIKE THEY'RE ALL THAT WHEN IN REALITY THEY AIN'T SHIT. IT MAKES ME SO MAD WHY DO ALL THE BITCHES AND DOUCHEBAGS GET TO BE POPULAR AND I DON'T? WHY DO ALL OF MY FRIENDS ALWAYS END UP TREATING ME LIKE SHIT? IT'S NOT FAIR ITS NOT FAIR ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR.

EVERYONE IN MY LIFE IS AGAINST ME, MY FRIENDS, MY TEACHERS, MY SCHOOL, EVEN MY PARENTS. THE FUCKING SCHOOL CALLS HOME EVERY WEEK BECAUSE OF MY AT RISK BEHAVIOR OR WHATEVER. THEY EVEN CALLED HOME WHEN I ASKED IF I COULD DROP OUT. i don't wanna fucking be there. it's not fair it's so fucking annoying.

my parents are just looking for an excuse to lock me up in juvie or the fucking psych ward because i make them look bad or whatever, but you know what fuck them. I never asked to be here I never asked for any of this to happen. I just want to go anywhere else in the world, but running away is fucking illegal and I'll get fucking arrested if i try. I'm literally stuck here, I'm literally a prisoner in this hellhole town where everyone acts the same, looks the same, and wears the same clothes and I don't fit in.

I'm so angry and frustrated I don't know what to do. I can't take it anymore. Is this what life is like??? Is this all there is??? I don't want to die but if I have to stay here any longer I'm probably gonna end up addicted to drugs just because I can't handle this each and every day. Please help, i don't know what to do.",-0.5518699186991861,1.6678221463414682,1.5012195121951244,96.47050813008131,95.82926829268294,4.928455284552847,21.16260162601626,6.6274283507984215,0.4363443089430894,1216,47,276,18,48,401,142,328,0.196,0.696,0.108,-0.9879,3,0,1,0,0,3,34.0,0,1,4,1,17,30,19,1,9,0,26,16,3,2,6,46,64,24,1,7,16,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,2,0,17,11,0,0,4,0,0,4,15,21,0,0,1,3,44,9,31,57,9,31,0,0,3,8,18,17,11,6,11,177,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662502715738098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058485805567658325,0.0,0.0,0.09559741412295647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970747520305556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971312593162499,0.0,0.06603852082956822,0.0,0.05868810491490641,0.1285419656287242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062164618175822924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435451851133192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611978491613725,0.0,0.0,0.0453303784137769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294854408093354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151254400284362,0.0,0.058717165965180014,0.0,0.12450980069727315,0.0,0.0,0.09285000950740101,0.0,0.11844247487606845,0.26865535188053985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291456020488584,0.5198459550065937,0.07344585981710924,0.0,0.039946671933714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062156040257898025,0.0,0.0,0.3469775570061596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047113015023061464,0.0,0.1410105374186332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588644728649035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489409025272191,0.10301848373312283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707434473667055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383646832875113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051670261222285456,0.0,0.10842191355798206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341417554787837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771558542414497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578307632994707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845435531990893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430062286214118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491837183346364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284833358994497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450381426971684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047721394218929535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291615937802144,0.0,0.05638133269540215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684918702267284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BettaBorn,2018/01/06,"I know I shouldn't do it. I want to kill myself so badly. I've been in waves of this kind of depression time and time again. I've suffered so much in the short life I live. I try to be positive about my pain and brush it off my shoulder. I'm running out of shit to care about. At the moment my only friend is my boyfriend. And I have two ferrets. Currently the only two reason I haven't done it yet is because a) who will take care of my ferrets and b) I'm really scared. I'm 21 and the stuff I witnessed and experienced so far are difficult, The kind of stuff that make people uncomfortable to talk about. Born to a young mother who chose drugs and party's over their kid. I was abused by her shitty boyfriend. I was removed from my home at 5 years old and lived with my late aunt and uncle for a while. I loved them so much it's difficult to get on without them. My uncle killed himself and left me and my aunt. A few months  later my shitty mother and her new boyfriend won custody of me. I was removed from my loving aunt and put back into the care of a sick woman and her totalitarian boyfriend. I was also bullied of course and abused mentally and sometimes physically by my mother and her boyfriend. This went on from 9 to 17 when I finally got out and went to a trade school. Graduated that then moved in with my other aunt who is a basket case and a half. With constant money troubles And my psychotic cousin who shared the basement with me. Well to make this part of the story short, he had an equally bat shit girlfriend who killed herself and my cousin of course with his crazy stupid mind, decided that I was actually the one who killed her. So he bought a gun and tried to kill me and the rest of the family. He removed himself from the home after choking me one night thank god. But my family forced me to interact with him after that.  And that was not a good idea. They acted like I was the bad guy for not forgiving him and now I just pretend to care about him for their sake even though I am literally terrified of him so scared I have anxiety for a week after one visit from him and he always makes sure to get me alone so he can say something to hurt me.  Oh and he also sexually assaulted me when we were 11. No one knows about that because I am ashamed. And they always take his side. I took a drug charge for my other cousin and ruined my future for while and she now has a full time job with a 401K and I'm currently unemployed. Its my fault for saving her. Oh and my family helps her with everything because she's the favorite. While I can't even get help with my license. My shitty parents moved in with my aunt too and now they share the basement with me too. I'm stuck in this toxic shit hole with no way out. I've tried so hard and I'm sick and tiered of trying anymore. I want to lay down and never get up.  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suicidewatch,VaginePenetrator69,2018/01/06,"What is pain? I have been looking posts on this subreddit for a long time and still wonder what is pain. 

What is it? Is it hopelessness, meaningless or loneliness. Can you tell me, because i am still wondering what that is when seeing that word so often...",2.995000000000001,5.616566833333334,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,78.58333333333334,8.006666666666666,24.18333333333333,8.841846274778883,2.0484533333333337,200,7,38,5,5,63,36,48,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,6,13,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,12,0,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,4,5,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098695834697212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919412949627898,0.20799368192560613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271102863637112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372145196715044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973735062496604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39560438289783934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164882972220447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442757569777978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5372093463034767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydadintosogs,2018/01/06,"Worried my bf is trying to kill himself He has a history of attempting once before a few years ago. An hour ago he texted me talking about how he hated himself and how no one cares about him again. But what worried me most is when he said:

“You won’t have to worry about me anymore

No one will” 

Fuck I haven’t slept all night and I’m so tired but I need to know if he’s okay. ",0.4671951219512174,2.2506380975609765,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,82.65853658536584,5.0756097560975615,20.006097560975608,5.985473137389443,-0.21534634146341425,292,8,70,2,8,96,58,82,0.215,0.735,0.051,-0.877,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,8,5,3,0,3,1,7,3,1,2,1,11,15,9,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,1,10,2,7,11,3,7,0,0,0,1,12,0,1,2,7,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371784174960937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886142968322166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183504120729547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390821652870568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582472141442376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777018602563994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872957830656708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104136227206776,0.0,0.10452174463668323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102117409060572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847751898603206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025428380097688,0.2577511266265653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091129117024835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286502345593309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859186019123691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912441869737742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794320766234424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247412598456672
suicidewatch,gutskillgriffith,2018/01/06,"Help me find a reason to live pls (19/M) My english is bad so i will try to keep this short.  6 months ago i got a laser eye surgery that fked up my eyes permanently. I got extremely depressed and lost all my friends. Had to quit my MMA gym after 4 years. I became suicidal and the only one who noticed was my grandma. She came to visit me a few times a week even at her old age because she was worried about me. She died at a car accident two months ago probably because of me.  And now my two dogs, my two children, the only thing i care about in this world were diagnosed with cancer. After they are gone i will be left with nothing. Why keep going after that? What the hell did i do to deserve all of this?",0.8794144144144127,2.8923679324324354,2.6890810810810812,93.35681981981985,82.51351351351352,5.568288288288289,22.028828828828825,6.742157984588678,0.4410580180180181,546,18,122,6,15,181,99,148,0.199,0.737,0.063,-0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,5,6,1,0,8,0,11,4,2,1,2,12,20,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,8,6,0,2,2,1,0,5,0,4,0,4,10,2,23,2,18,7,3,25,1,2,2,0,10,7,1,0,13,81,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560109881864304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057136563416825,0.17605475998503492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651597849533049,0.14722957210497428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437501280660115,0.1465670900872044,0.1498686248877066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537752549417704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319827027261612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156622529712353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206816005682024,0.0,0.2309862506648596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679100336788687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256705942520844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689544320433432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751143830074954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763409926325594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305238999428347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855959855328873,0.16440498936182588,0.15152777876145518,0.0,0.09785193418347607,0.21965160274345397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569200979156714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359150215092435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484714331262504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795461347050266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593564674349166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842031737478305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980408837410151,0.0,0.42318537727524896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583223362239416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030221141987328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466493413436439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929914857938425
suicidewatch,Ihatemyself2M,2018/01/06,"I'm so lonely, I'm just going to kill myself. When I sleep and dream, I'm in the most fantastic place ever. I have everything I want, everyone I see old relatives that are no longer here, I have a nice car etc..

I'm so lonely, being 18 and Male, you feel left out most of the time. It's shitty, I have no friends, gaining weight at a rapid rate, nothing gives me joy. I just want to be more like a typical teenager having fun, not a worthless, ugly, poor, pathetic kid. I don't even get any texts/calls asking how I'm doing or If I need help.

I don't stand a chance getting a girlfriend ever, let alone a friend. Who would even talk to me when I'm so ugly, unhealthy and poor? when there are other 18 year olds, that are clever, handsome, rich, have a great social life, can drive...I think you get my point.

I think I'm just going to kill myself, I'll ring the ambulance just before I do it. I just thought I'd reach out to atleast one person. Thanks for your time.",2.1369554455445545,3.395697287128716,3.5287995049504954,92.24933787128711,76.12871287128712,6.436138613861388,21.53589108910891,6.9077264865688965,0.34258316831683144,740,18,168,7,16,243,123,202,0.162,0.578,0.261,0.9573,0,5,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,3,0,1,18,16,2,0,11,0,17,3,1,1,2,26,40,12,2,5,8,0,2,1,3,1,1,1,0,3,6,5,1,0,4,1,3,3,5,5,0,1,1,4,21,11,11,35,4,21,0,3,1,0,15,7,0,4,11,97,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485192131209729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751695698701693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405969685061395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202288763173033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992897100859846,0.1894287720320884,0.2594271249362276,0.0,0.13702490090354486,0.1288787258388592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250737812560096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158105852284546,0.0,0.22476183540218594,0.13756240259935654,0.16299511548394552,0.0,0.0,0.15809907043404942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611803628126173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31730183586807914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580458283876222,0.14663627518097874,0.10128770196422074,0.07005802502948814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063293261544703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759622338289249,0.0,0.3009484772309891,0.0,0.09717159067243916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252113996394697,0.14982253969316395,0.0,0.13555940601275865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427128033308613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350362002690326,0.1461783005599675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525953489944347,0.0,0.1320235072033968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837699341334055,0.0,0.11384362828461175,0.16723545428141684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916213941091265,0.0,0.0,0.17462263871115374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186728701070548,0.0,0.0,0.0923449359379869
suicidewatch,1chasingpavements,2018/01/06,"Tired. I just want someone in the world to know what's going on in my mind right now. I'm 23 years old now and I am so tired of living. I have been depressed for the longest time that I don't know what it's like to be really happy. I am sick and tired of laying down on my bed every night without thinking of what could have been my life if only I did good in school, if only I didn't lose contact to all of my best friends, if I was never lazy, if I was not dumb, if I was not ugly, if I was good at something, if I was not everything I am right now. The worst part is, I am to blame for all of my failures in life. I was young and stupid so bad that I lost motivation to everything. In high school, I was not able to get in my dream school because my dumbass did not even apply. In college, I was depressed and didn't care for shit that I got in to a crappy college and applied to a degree that I did not like. After I graduated, I just then realized what I really want to be is to become a doctor but everything was too late for me because I got low grades that will just put me in shame if I even try to apply to medical school. I am now working on a low to decent paying job and currently supporting my family (parents). Even if I know my family does not really care about how I feel and what I wanted to be, I still love them so much that I can't leave them. Even if I leave them where else do I go? I have no single friend to tell my problems to, basically I don't have anyone to talk to at all but here. Relationships sound interesting but I am never up for it. Probably because nobody deserves to be with me.

With all of these shit going on in my life, I seek refuge to sleeping. It is the only activity which I consider as a way out to my life full of regrets and failures. I don't want to give up and I want to pick myself up but every time I try, I feel like life doesn't let me. I just want another chance but life seem to not give it to me. Though I promise myself that I will not make it to 30 simply because of my life choice (doesn't have anything to do with my depression. I love my family so much as they are the only ones that I know that I got and I refuse to see any one of them go first) but it seems like everyday that I live, every day is a failure, every day is full of regret that I wanted to die right now. I don't know if I believe if God exists but one thing I know for sure is, heaven or hell is what you make your own life to be. And I made my life hell because of me. I have had mental breakdowns which is getting worse everytime. I really want to die so bad but I am too scared at the process which is really pathetic. 

To all of the people who read this, thank you so much for reading. Now I know that I exist to some people in the world. It feels good to finally say things which is always on my mind even if I am not good at expressing myself or my thoughts in any form of communication. I am still trying but if I reach my limits, I will post again to say my final thoughts. Thank you.",3.773757532789791,3.471314141321045,5.402642089093703,86.05912796880541,71.18125960061444,8.643128914096657,25.75528772302966,8.303829127061777,1.3150629091338772,2330,59,543,32,39,799,238,651,0.166,0.691,0.14300000000000002,-0.9836,3,0,1,0,0,1,54.0,0,4,5,7,31,44,6,2,14,0,62,20,3,6,8,102,109,47,2,26,40,1,3,4,2,3,15,3,1,0,34,15,0,2,17,3,1,5,23,21,0,4,24,7,102,23,89,75,17,71,3,9,1,2,25,37,5,19,31,402,136,15,0.05383578854384595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479568876358181,0.0,0.0,0.07322036463533416,0.05645151831709756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764323509428882,0.0,0.044302266865119184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990126942344323,0.16408898505302474,0.059457398783584685,0.0,0.06065449810629965,0.05649733867255935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977834877534652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042983496494277504,0.0,0.0,0.0694392597742324,0.0,0.1391060573593824,0.0,0.11174609786730733,0.0,0.0,0.05510321079231206,0.0471120613476965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497289327088078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779015297898024,0.0,0.18143589506684304,0.0,0.14515240617457253,0.0,0.15225477052996758,0.0,0.08166297681666858,0.038460298092622726,0.0,0.11794894975445705,0.0,0.04579269423337004,0.0,0.0,0.08318679336705563,0.0,0.05625395504785921,0.10328838788292508,0.12238447710280599,0.18061962083556346,0.12917219427417526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730919797734426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688046638646953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053423713131319835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710719019336746,0.0,0.060729114399352586,0.11400865358743742,0.0,0.055050741272350816,0.34223228605740896,0.1052057877272244,0.0,0.09507597520316934,0.0,0.0,0.06022847671917085,0.05876812273648064,0.0,0.09717780210067764,0.05094072481509725,0.07187161378953265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054233893145714564,0.05425381253959592,0.0,0.10871759914219822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872649701484528,0.0,0.08304295799220526,0.0,0.0,0.05052124061206728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649160392237044,0.0,0.1094415707954057,0.16377817248454854,0.0,0.0,0.059778272141906175,0.05829891273368985,0.0,0.07464591443672536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515598038385393,0.0,0.058044085532786366,0.05151357895440481,0.0,0.05411983703113638,0.0,0.0,0.1077007145455953,0.0,0.17244292342669465,0.0,0.0,0.057799489414663126,0.0,0.13792640778808005,0.0,0.08562475972079439,0.05389901606163565,0.2179387686477998,0.04290015332640562,0.09802015991901017,0.0,0.0,0.11052332659837696,0.0,0.0,0.05387466810648743,0.0,0.04561488892946356,0.0414454201997103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859866605472769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109221485659851,0.05073959358218776,0.0,0.0,0.04327116756811771,0.04705485209575421,0.09912952204974347,0.0,0.0,0.07153221148185109,0.03449579950503054,0.05289338890510041,0.08547920517575726,0.06278416247171945,0.18562895810018185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096528996418994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540299433627589,0.04273234309641321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189577902167323,0.0,0.03919309524106683,0.0,0.054863267846266425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03466848274657596
suicidewatch,surely_youre_dying,2018/01/06,"I think I really hurt myself this time I took too much of something yesterday. The area around my lower rib cage / liver is hurting a lot. I keep dry heaving. 

if I think to myself 'what if I really did?', it doesn't affect me. it feels like relief. it feels like finally. it feels like it is the only real choice I can make. 

And if I did, if this is real. I don't like that it will affect my family. I never wanted to do this to hurt anyone. I just wanted to stop feeling pain that doesn't end, doesn't diminish, grows worse with time and new attempts to heal, must be kept silent, is offensive or taboo to speak of, and so on. Everything that puts me in a state of pain while demonizing me for not allowing accepted forms of help to help me. In the absence of a real solution, telling me that living like this is my choice. Judging me like I choose to feel emotional pain.  Judging me for not blindly believing in something that I don't understand nor find helpful to apply. 

I just expect to be blamed and demonized and hatred. anger, disdain, disapproval, mockery directed at my corpse. a coward. I couldn't tolerate it. I can not keep living with emotional pain I can not heal. 

And I am tired for being ridiculed for suffering, while being told I choose it. If I knew how to not feel it in a way that wasn't obnoxiously demanding, entitled, and selfish I would. But I don't. So I hate myself, can't heal myself, can't change myself, and essentially just judge myself in whatever negative light I can, while trying very hard to cast that same light on everyone around me. 

I'm not a bad person. I'm just in a lot of pain, and in a situation I can't find a way out of. 
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suicidewatch,savethatshitt,2018/01/06,"When It's not a darkness. Nothing that dramatic. It's knowledge. A piece of knowledge at least. It's knowing that you don't matter. 

People are connected to each other. We use words like vibing to describe this. When you fuck with someone you fuck with them. I don’t vibe with anyone. I do it to myself I know. I honestly could not tell you why. Regardless, it's that knowledge. It frees you from personal attachment, because you don't matter. So nothing matters to you. Really, anyway. 

Nothing matters really because nothing we do makes a difference. I don't think as a species we'll learn fast enough to leave this planet before a cosmic level event or large scale natural disaster sets in motion the chain of events that will cause our extinction. People are being taught more and more to accept this attitude and it's wrong. The curiosity associated with this attitude should be promoted, the willingness to matter while we're here at least. To do things, things that matter, things that don’t. To learn how to put together a puzzle, a Lego set, a birdhouse, a shed, a PC, a car. To do stuff while you're here and know your shit. The desperate will to do better. Obviously, if someone is reading this, I couldn't matter. Or maybe I do, in some way, manage to do a decent amount before someone reads this, then good for me. I did my job as a functioning human being, and as a man. Either way, I don't feel like I ever will vibe with anyone. I’m realizing this now. I can do stuff, I can be generally handy and knowledgeable, I can improve myself. But I'll never really vibe with people. And that knowledge frees me. 

I’m not saying now. I'm not that selfish. When my sister gets married, and starts a family, when my mom and dad get their happy ending. When they see that one of their children can be happy, and they can rest easy knowing that I at least went on to be a productive person. When no one is really looking anymore. Then I can stop doing this. I can quit. I really want to. ",2.5417490368008515,4.957703225388599,4.105233160621765,83.25853261591604,78.92227979274611,7.0677826491298,23.36893848810947,8.139509932561175,1.574255427129002,1559,52,290,30,39,518,183,386,0.08800000000000001,0.782,0.13,0.9583,1,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,4,8,5,3,14,16,3,0,20,0,40,3,1,4,3,66,61,28,0,6,9,3,1,2,0,5,0,1,0,5,31,18,0,1,15,2,2,4,13,5,0,2,3,4,41,12,35,45,12,35,0,0,2,2,28,7,3,5,22,216,72,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716265343597752,0.13700966577493626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944657223615905,0.0,0.16673520816515086,0.0,0.0,0.08664894595884874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064501399741804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822327801752353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236068342753832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677478691698112,0.10123205249773913,0.0,0.0,0.08862197190922827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923600002793746,0.0,0.049537972014594686,0.0699917604594262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114847876525286,0.10237344851365902,0.0,0.0,0.08217490413978387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085876530281764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722284843802807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537307025441035,0.0,0.0,0.10373900837919198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572908504005552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227244466935718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539757913569412,0.0,0.09842680745646873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474451427747485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755626335713128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760300283619808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277775762368446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376593090677048,0.17109207287853154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984896856614085,0.0,0.10420609166199206,0.195998548831588,0.0,0.31381929906881084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791187235913961,0.0,0.0,0.07807160641509417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056763187095992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490360088977117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934562492005164,0.0,0.0,0.0819096156233717,0.0,0.0,0.2243107444970969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563251195838995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952662482924603,0.0627769896634164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461700961166244,0.0,0.0,0.05778687317551728,0.1555324357950242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082173154575844,0.08840517865133637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711783478246904,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noodiagnosis,2018/01/06,"Is this suicidality? Terrfied. So basically, I am suffering from Hopefully suicide-OCD and not geniue suicide ideation. (I was diagnosed with OCD from 2 psychiatrists.

**To make it clear, I don't want to die, I never wished not being born not existing...etc. I actually loved life before this happened and still do.** 
UPDATE: When I wrote the sentence above, It started to feel like I do. Followed by anxiety and confusion.

**But here comes the scary part.** Sometimes when the anxiety is so high I ask myself if I want to die, and like I can't give a 100% no which terrifies me even more.
Also, there are some weird feelings which tell me I am suicidal and terrifies me.
I will list them here:
So basically about the thoughts, I never fantasie about it, never indulge into the thoughts, but they feel real, like an urge. (The urge can happen anywhere, doesn't matter if it is near danger objects or not.

When for example my dad starts arguing with me the thoughts appear, does that mean I am actually suicidal?""Background"" thoughts and thinking about this topic even when I am fine. 

Another thing, when I am fine I get like butterflies in the stomach. Is this post-anxiety :D?
When someone asks me if i think about it consiously, I answer no, then a feeling like I am/was thinking about it conciously appear. What does that mean?
Terrifying feeling between life and death, even when I am fine and when I am fine I got moments when I imagine the whole 5 months with this 'suicide thing' and I freakout like 'Am I thinking about this and undervaluating my life?'
And like a feeling like i do.

When the anxiety us high up when someone asks me(or I ask myself) if i want to die I can't give an answer which is terrifying and the anxiety raises even more. Was I really suicidal in this moment?This happens randomly and lasts from secs to hours. 

Like somehow life losts some of its value(not the depression 'not worth living' thing.) More like a scary feeling which tells me the barier between suicide and me has fallen. Which is even more terrifying. What the fuck?

When the anxiety is high i get that life is pointless feeling without any logic just a feeling with a like 'future imagination wave' which happens very fast idk.

When the anxiety is high I get a feeling like trapped in life?!?! Which makes the thoughts even more fucking real? Is this a side-effect from the anxiety?

Existential intrusive thoughts like 'what is the point of working when I can...' etc.

Weird feeling like everything I see is too much? Followed like a panic attack.

Is this suicidality and am I in danger?",3.050609896432679,5.947713151898736,4.027209052550827,81.53944418872271,80.98312236286921,7.1603528960490985,28.23843498273878,8.238735603445708,2.444061265822785,2030,93,357,44,55,653,195,474,0.209,0.616,0.175,-0.9788,2,1,0,0,0,7,85.0,1,0,2,2,37,34,6,2,30,0,37,11,1,2,4,85,94,41,11,9,14,1,11,15,0,1,7,0,0,0,32,21,0,0,28,1,1,6,15,13,0,0,11,12,50,21,34,81,11,47,0,3,1,3,15,12,2,13,44,258,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.09789036430114242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040109867213431794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034107912284527406,0.05259311244016366,0.3069546329393296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875569756213719,0.057059878728126234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267920243452542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320509521518382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043199431617968485,0.050907451929369886,0.1561625426141504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778399637824601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187476482971556,0.19876604460175296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507712722043517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789651058082286,0.21498944677151968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273713309873642,0.07861357863974151,0.09622872793564244,0.0,0.0,0.04011446718724649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741172507810304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197096931980972,0.0,0.04981638912940501,0.04939371956135028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088396891657125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125606967754507,0.3675565326835119,0.0,0.04428881280155077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475137922093673,0.0,0.04526789734742148,0.0,0.06695925951993513,0.0,0.0,0.10926953543809673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003417256878205,0.0,0.03687055248631712,0.0,0.11605057996442901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588474531477908,0.0,0.054314239261366304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741378804756373,0.0,0.048035741845614544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417739322724935,0.03213132376828861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996796994763127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499431207278108,0.0,0.049605729902200336,0.0,0.07100158380418517,0.0,0.04005477834196215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840389286054108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767739826681463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996458254035463,0.12855218184853892,0.0,0.2389103561671339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060331691205835175,0.0,0.0,0.041384089093227834,0.08875021726208969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599756729926656,0.05767711473215802,0.0483487534546985,0.0,0.036514285644415806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hephaestus403,2018/01/06,"Can't stop thinking about it My life's out of control... Everything's spiralling out of control. 

I have a new daughter Im not allowed to meet because I'm apparently dangerous because I admitted myself. My son's been taken away because I admitted myself because of all this. CFS makes threats about taking my son because I sought help. 

I don't get to see my kids, my family's been taken away. On the verge of loosing my mcjob because I can't cope with day to day life. I've been evicted because I couldn't make rent because I spent most of December in hospital. I still haven't had my Christmas with my son, no clue if I'll ever get to meet my daughter. 

Had to flush pills last night, swallowed a handful of hydromorphone, made myself throw them up. Flushed everything else dangerous - but the thoughts are still racing through my head. 

The fuckiest part is if I get help I'm even more screwed on seeing my kids again. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
",3.8269858156028365,5.545567585106382,4.612893617021278,84.3136666666667,72.61702127659575,7.566524822695036,32.214184397163116,8.238735603445708,2.468818014184397,758,37,146,12,15,244,104,188,0.097,0.851,0.052000000000000005,-0.8704,6,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,5,0,6,0,15,8,2,6,2,23,34,3,0,3,4,5,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,4,1,3,4,0,2,1,7,5,0,0,10,3,26,0,25,23,4,20,0,0,2,2,14,9,2,3,10,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364977014876289,0.0,0.0,0.6137807456217033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823235641327125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233752918376446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513920219738744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312880708017367,0.11384684168535188,0.0,0.0,0.2262282465766562,0.0,0.11864884185419584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635479181536112,0.19726869422950224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916783790548686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872152227427495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594952125961265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025920369310653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779613404771555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909100742432815,0.16802397143887868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155558865174275,0.0,0.11811032258879113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362932363918871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058695657921347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102262122886105,0.10522391729145204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463044647630364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064548609925162,0.0,0.09991813716002328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarlightBedtime,2018/01/06,"I'm about to be completely alone She goes back to work Monday. She had two weeks off for winter break but Monday goes back. The only other break is Mid Winter.

This means she'll be working 65 hour work weeks until June, after that she plans to go school.

I'm already massively depressed, anxious, the idea of work and school are terrifying but now I'm going to be alone for an insurmountable amount of time.

We barely did anything together over break, I'm just too fucked up right now. But we cuddled, and tried to have good times I guess...

If I just died right now I wouldn't be facing so many months of loneliness ahead. I wouldn't have to feel any of this pain anymore.",3.455454545454547,5.271531729323312,3.7645522898154486,89.60784005468219,73.81203007518799,6.6408749145591255,21.865345181134657,7.348242739294969,0.6073518796992476,532,13,109,6,11,165,84,133,0.24,0.735,0.025,-0.988,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,6,10,4,1,0,3,0,13,4,1,0,0,16,23,8,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,1,10,1,19,14,1,30,0,1,0,2,6,6,1,2,19,64,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048803850516869,0.1624232890142843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009145204349353,0.0,0.0,0.16627816027785772,0.14596885230359352,0.0,0.0,0.12112144596472735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263537274847066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432160475694376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677099090751287,0.0,0.15275571559139206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442160814579417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607098307236462,0.0,0.0,0.16729826574630574,0.12345254088131513,0.0,0.0,0.16214185111029447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494845276611631,0.0,0.0,0.1661549536581601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922339016090214,0.0,0.16032858263034866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748237272167927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194150137499784,0.15661616374891182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25139189075621193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979199560009093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716505515487818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992955739930667,0.0,0.14377922704397544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23612728479754705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286123219729757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Regenas,2018/01/06,I hate my defromed short male body. Its like a micropenis on display for every fucking woman you meet. A sign of impotency and its absolutely repulsive. The worst thing as a man u can be is below average in any aspect,3.220714285714287,5.600746071428574,5.643095238095237,73.30607142857146,76.38095238095238,8.961904761904762,29.54761904761905,9.516144504307137,3.3189333333333337,173,8,30,5,4,61,39,42,0.181,0.763,0.056,-0.7624,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,4,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306719928173302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009992869775725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800172600895904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169754889387611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453046448549093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035339359357636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996482587468978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeSucksThrowaway77,2018/01/06,"I don't want to live I just can't stand life anymore. I have no hope no future. all the people around me are cruel and mean to me, I have no place on this earth...

I hate being depressed. I hate not being able to go to school and I hate everything...

I use drugs to get my mind off everything that worries me and I hurt myself when im not on drugs to feel normal, and not the numbness feeling I get everyday. I wake up every morning with severe anxiety and chest pain and I just can't stand it anymore.

My best friend in the whole world just cut contact with me. She blocked me on everything. I guess it was my fault for writing to her but I have no one and I wanted help. The nicest thing someone has ever said to me was ""You make life worth living"". It was from her. It means so much to me. We were so close even though she lived across the globe... She made me forget about my depression and anxiety, knowing I had her to talk to made me motivated to go to school. I bought her a christmas gift that I was gonna send to her. the gift was a King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard vinyl. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it now...

I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I have no one, I''m all alone and I can't stand it anymore. I want to die",-0.2182222222222201,1.774302881481482,1.6866666666666674,99.0,86.85185185185185,4.785185185185185,17.51851851851852,6.079149491110277,-0.5260148148148152,958,23,234,8,30,315,132,270,0.202,0.693,0.105,-0.9462,0,1,2,0,0,4,36.0,1,1,0,3,12,14,5,0,9,0,23,9,2,5,3,48,53,14,1,5,7,0,2,0,1,3,7,1,0,0,12,16,0,1,8,0,2,3,14,11,0,2,11,3,48,3,30,37,5,22,0,3,0,0,17,11,0,2,5,157,60,3,0.10101898983459022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462520773532913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945403328049036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455850144465444,0.0,0.3005510799108041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992831822234812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601319745500568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401501583991344,0.0,0.10484176260666143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342999136029313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667220900529631,0.09137745975170093,0.08511285584894786,0.0,0.2723680629637888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102156473082792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804702095776546,0.0,0.1055565055670534,0.0,0.11482283981306382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112838062844181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992060153067848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771089949720999,0.0,0.0,0.1003346504660374,0.0,0.0,0.108142917942372,0.0,0.10911784396704644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665521848148189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405810001987324,0.0,0.0,0.26760485633289616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117322143695847,0.06743096013990063,0.0,0.0,0.22007858932305285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200038245601407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426058092236719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897716167549113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690616380784815,0.0,0.10749132755235974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003384807427729,0.0,0.10554334358117007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960921924485998,0.0,0.0,0.20447322171815646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412270460082165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559306226783568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119523749771865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711252811543429,0.0,0.0992506446110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872479727489998,0.0,0.0,0.17875085254865405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278409455421365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258968775548397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snailien85,2018/01/06,"Can i avoid poverty? Unfortunately i don't have a very good education. And can't get that easy a good one. So how do i avoid poverty, because i don't want to live in poverty all my life. And die in poverty. Is it necessery to go to an university and study if you don't want to get a low paying job? Because if belive that i am too dumb for such an thing. Because i dropped out of school because of an ilness so i have no real education. The only job available therefore are unskilled work i think, and such jobs doesn't pay well. Am i in a hopeless situation? sometimes i think about to just kill myself, dont want to live in poverty all my life. ",1.903706467661692,3.7087287985074617,3.735149253731347,88.17247512437812,78.17910447761193,5.9592039800995025,26.838308457711438,6.816661863887847,1.0867681592039804,505,21,109,5,12,170,75,134,0.377,0.614,0.009000000000000001,-0.994,3,2,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,1,9,9,2,2,8,0,14,2,0,2,2,20,22,9,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,7,6,1,1,0,0,14,3,15,22,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,2,0,73,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824000306815157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276119645991693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379954554409952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638707964561622,0.0,0.08912814094424719,0.26307733471142125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668784486189514,0.0,0.17350533888792566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154245665049166,0.0,0.0,0.2769614290610239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062697272064316,0.1192736561560174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850294461705565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871683851653615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627961002788042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510546540149645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418858956520302,0.20097623836305048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939832579174235,0.27750108263823264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410059002042113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417159428651158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FeatherDreemurr,2018/01/06,"Today I lost my cat. He was almost 5 years old. Today I discovered that my cat didn't came back home. I'm really scared that he'll not come back home and I'll be alone again. He was almost 5 years old and I found him at junkyard when he was little. I cutted myself already, I don't know what to do, he was my only light in darkness..

(Sorry for my English, I'm from Europe, Czech republic)",0.20520749665328,2.243410216867474,2.650040160642572,92.48890227576977,85.3855421686747,5.13467202141901,16.451137884872825,6.42735559955562,-0.29629745649263706,300,6,66,3,9,103,52,83,0.101,0.899,0.0,-0.7574,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,16,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,8,1,11,0,5,6,0,15,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,10,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357724169990979,0.18499640613913687,0.19711156384066428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469544223889125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042936455193864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386527657055654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584756295600916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35834076062165393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816485686479101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902412171942225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498478280145626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748631948071968,0.0,0.0,0.13584852596327607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442851806164665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882973711982136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199950417649385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386216668602792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300507916071632
suicidewatch,Hopelessmopefest,2018/01/06,"Wtf is wrong with me It feels like the universe thinks I am a placeholder until people can find something or someone better than who I am and what I can give. 

How much longer am I supposed to keep fuxking trying for when there's nothing redeemable about me 

Why why why why why why why",4.534999999999997,5.642299649122808,4.45872807017544,88.47651315789473,70.05263157894737,6.401754385964912,28.285087719298247,5.985473137389443,1.0858456140350872,228,8,45,1,4,70,44,57,0.116,0.7929999999999999,0.091,-0.3612,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,6,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564385597116964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183170841872136,0.101490382520166,0.0,0.0,0.12984370804328998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628050894046634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627280228838336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940517994723679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443321377192076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631401456050465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984891275609224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037016756648973,0.1093676273555573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102872470393167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645197152225923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.897333162851682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532442612451258,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watermellonpussy,2018/01/06,"I dont deserve to be here I genuinely think im just not fit to live on this planet. I dont deserve any happiness because it's probably there but I just dont care to go get it. 

I graduated from a group home when I was 18, turned to drugs to ease the frustration of being homeless (where I lived you didnt need money to find drugs it was everywhere, sneak into a concert, hop a fence, steal a case of alcohol from walmart and find a random house party) 

I finally got a job when I was 22, it was offered in a town away and so I took it, spent a year throwing boxes for a shipping plant and quit that because I just stopped caring about my job.

Now im out of work, live in a storage unit and just dont have any want or will to change. 

Nothing ever changes inside. I'm 24, and the past 8 years ive not felt any different about my situation. And now im just fed up, I just want things to end if they arent going to change. 


Honestly ive no idea why im writing this, I dont have any friends on here, or any on the internet, real life, etc. Ive not had friends since I was a small child. Closest thing to a friend ive had since 3rd grade are women, none of which I miss. 

goodbye reddit
",1.7493750000000006,2.8346589375000018,3.7371562500000017,91.06721875000002,76.8125,6.995000000000001,24.909375,7.554174236665415,0.996488125,912,31,215,12,20,311,144,256,0.123,0.804,0.07200000000000001,-0.8545,4,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,2,18,10,1,0,15,0,24,5,0,0,1,35,41,13,0,4,13,0,1,0,3,1,4,1,1,2,11,8,2,2,5,1,2,4,12,3,0,0,13,2,23,7,28,25,2,29,0,1,0,0,10,14,0,4,11,129,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015187067842068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868279209020973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925608366197971,0.0,0.0,0.1028463655653132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720149616632908,0.0,0.267715242098206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813500521798168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943282880515894,0.0,0.19565444306855526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747151742410099,0.0,0.0940802413523124,0.0,0.07630564485412894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099585216469732,0.0924088597459153,0.15420135523773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955217932072735,0.0,0.04407299813175497,0.0,0.0958839396468897,0.0,0.06746791844326884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979948781339918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461684794329898,0.0,0.0,0.09733653570794952,0.0,0.09522867124486364,0.36447970742993707,0.0,0.16742241195484986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958377263805846,0.0,0.0,0.22346606246293765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625495718777774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094271990490849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052820547283793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095100499403098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972394599999613,0.0,0.0960166193703078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956179748427694,0.09482068912142788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052614498689999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208595094576912,0.054052494827968985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937236189090988,0.0,0.09175608264113913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951176952546344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761189806557695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141282730672532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864615467628486
suicidewatch,SummerFloyd,2018/01/06,"Want to kill myself but.. I just can't stop thinking about the immeasurable grief my mom and family would face when they find out that I'm gone. But on the other hand, I really don't want to live anymore. Most days are a struggle to get through, along with depression and loneliness. And I don't see anything ever getting better in the future. I don't want to exist, please.. :( Why does this have to be so hard for me?",1.5159523809523812,3.8485520238095248,2.9404761904761934,90.60452380952385,82.33333333333334,6.114285714285715,20.047619047619047,7.3871296695380915,0.5798190476190475,326,9,68,5,9,106,64,84,0.258,0.6459999999999999,0.097,-0.9376,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,1,4,0,8,2,2,0,1,18,17,7,2,4,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,3,8,1,13,14,1,9,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,5,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599632460368215,0.0,0.0,0.17922855969746182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926239475358366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404611930320023,0.0,0.18758843184872728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905958204223234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970100602917061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531984147473964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990627190853505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275801229587136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951035350068598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409603615289108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231894103044325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550814791065813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907595116972544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952648016808442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355619103874195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208823347960928,0.0,0.22768894974967024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955566833007488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853873409645608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652812052115048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471690063762572,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontmake-accounts,2018/01/06,"I'm not meant for this place. I know guys are supposed to be strong but I'm very weak, I can't fight these thoughts anymore. Maybe my parents are right and I'm worthless for not already graduating uni and I've failed them. I medically withdrew from the semester because otherwise it's failures across the board. I've failed everyone. I am so weak and sensitive to things that shouldn't matter and I don't belong in this disgusting world that preys on people like me. I can't make it here. I'll always be taken advantage of and hurt and I'm tired of being in so much pain.",1.3498399014778322,3.8942795258620713,2.696600985221675,90.48706896551724,85.63793103448276,6.0729064039408875,22.940886699507388,7.447530270364453,1.0958024630541878,459,17,94,8,14,148,77,116,0.325,0.596,0.079,-0.99,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,1,4,3,12,2,0,2,0,10,5,0,1,0,15,19,9,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,9,3,11,12,1,7,0,4,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,53,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26307457500316883,0.0,0.1983635598052163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642356965257025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532324917126835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22779643471823946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236048319044504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552065495838681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101554011730762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646765091516093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913037117790504,0.0,0.23949960551147265,0.0,0.0,0.2401576670303542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524759815885602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536688609553288,0.0,0.2647091983261062,0.0,0.0,0.1652729282803473,0.0,0.2490718121851365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358784513382586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837890321507114,0.0,0.0,0.18925883155265388,0.0,0.2739997378320712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670066561307206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,indianfool,2018/01/06,"Help me please! I have been having suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years...but now i just cant have this anymore.Here are my problems:
1) I am a complete loser. I not getting a job , i forget very easily what i studied, i have to work double than the rest to study what others do it in their first attempt.
2) I am shy of speaking in the public.I start shivering and stuttering when i speak in the class.Its so embarrassing. 
3)I have my face full of acne. Even though none of my family members have this but i still got it, idk why.
4) I have a short height. my father is 6 feet tall and my mother is also of good height compared to women.But still Im just 5'9 .I cant stand next to my father.I'm 23 now and I know I wont grow anymore. I dont know why god made me like this.
5) I'm fat.I have a round pear shaped body even though none of my family members is fat or has a body like me. Each of my brothers is taller and slim than me. I workout so much but the fat around my waist and legs , it just remains there. It feels very bad to in a family function with the attributes that i have .
6) I had gynecosmastia but i recently had a surgery and got it removed. I dont have it now but to carry those man boobs for 5 years took a toll on my self confidence.
7) I have penis skin tightening. The skin of my penis is tight but i dont have phimosis. I can retract my skin when it is not completely erect. when erect it takes a kittle pain but i can  do it. The glans are also very sensitive and i rarely touch it. This problem is killing me mentally.
8) I dont have any girlfriend. I have never been with a girl. I cannot talk to girls and i cannot look them in the eye. If ever a girl asks me something , either i got completely blank or I just give a completely useless answer. All i can do is just masturbate watching porn while my friends and brothers are having physical relations with girls.

There are so may other reasons that i can tell you but i guess these are enough to tell you my mental state.I have had enough now.I dont think my condition is going to change.I'll remain like this. I'm of no use to the society and to my family. I want to commit suicide now but i dont know how. I just dont gather the strength to kill myself. I can either drown or drink a poison like some toilet cleaner or rat poison in our homes. but in the last minute picture of my mother comes in my mind. She has done everything for me. My father didn't give money to us , so my mother used to spend all her money for me. She never bought anything for her in that period.Her picture just comes to my mind  i just postpone my suicide.But now her picture is also not enough.My suicidal thought are at their peak.Please help me guys.
I guess its just a matter of days for me now.",0.060258175559383176,2.2816257573149805,2.087275387263343,94.88106798623065,88.32874354561102,5.178864027538727,18.627022375215148,6.6770525081376135,0.04985122203098147,2139,60,480,27,70,711,252,581,0.14,0.78,0.08,-0.9917,1,0,2,0,0,4,68.0,2,2,3,5,36,19,4,1,26,0,64,18,13,6,6,77,94,38,6,4,28,7,7,4,2,2,5,2,1,7,25,17,4,1,9,2,4,6,21,12,0,1,15,12,85,7,49,77,14,49,0,2,4,2,39,19,1,9,27,330,110,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580057636044267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416230353912562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440430857060524,0.0,0.0,0.053441147596377636,0.057811515677267326,0.06071133890558333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422326382290208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427026451237232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118823405790994,0.27235882436632697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188175902912659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664574859125315,0.532774950408452,0.06361773993902042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130513471195344,0.0,0.08578621798707979,0.058743113975765676,0.0,0.0,0.05836504323026825,0.0,0.2448834710547933,0.0,0.0328362670508193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523902735749401,0.0,0.0,0.05017347888690512,0.0,0.033929143216817975,0.12459520409302767,0.03690763118436512,0.05446967220245617,0.15581844424735833,0.0,0.14308030304160246,0.06430208629222277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705755439852182,0.0,0.06514140798502513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014773624002726,0.0,0.06444420885481297,0.0,0.1436958291366038,0.0,0.107070102430896,0.05293581823818782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690813422801245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545343269863945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144901798813957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089109017478034,0.0,0.1311443786786553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773931974999978,0.0,0.10017345135888206,0.0,0.06906579773110295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910211033413075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199380873325819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257206792011734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428008636675407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677046118060727,0.06412168843897276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774792772999466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999497711550455,0.0,0.0,0.045965778696187023,0.0,0.10372439477232796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310568972675967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488277673815376,0.05219734826923842,0.11352309820312192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041611755859265964,0.12760897368778332,0.10311225911140294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215216172176163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078116374811646,0.11217684582775,0.0,0.160750094199206,0.03830405489881733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171988249343526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047278031932624066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182006101500317
suicidewatch,fracturedrealm,2018/01/06,"In two days, they'll drop me out of college. A female, 20 years old here. For months, I have been struggling with a lot of thoughts about wanting to end all of these because of it.

It started in September 2017, when I decided not to turn in to college after a semester of break in early 2017. I really cannot stand in the environment of my college: there were too much unhealthy competitions, the studio where I would usually learn in is not that effective for me to strive my best, and I have been so demotivated and scared to actually go to school. Of course, my parents do not know this: being the conservative they are, they thought I am alright and they never check on my mental health either. I can't even open up to my parents either... They'd usually bash me for not being strong enough, for being weak, for being lazy, when I thought I've done my best to strive in my major (it's architecture by the way).

So, in September 2017, I finally said to my parents I wanted to go out of my college. I want to pursue education somewhere else: I actually really want to be a developer, a makeup artist, and/or a chef. And I have a tarot reading business going too.. But it's small. But it's very un-Islamic (yes, I grow up in a Muslim family), so I have not told my parents about this yet.

And for a fleeting moment, my mother agreed to transfer me somewhere else. But then she cried because if it's the case, she would lost all her pride. I am a college student in a quite prestigious university where everyone in the nation wants to study in (though the inside is not as pretty as it looks like from the outside), and for years she has been bragging about this to everyone.

The thing about me is... I need to have 48 credits by the end of Semester 4, but I only got 29 credits as of Semester 3. My tuition has not been paid and without paying the tuition, my faculty could not process my request on changing my academic status from ""empty"" to ""taking a break"" (I don't know what's the English equivalent to it). I have the money in my hands already, but the college somehow does not let me pay for various reasons... If it's still empty, by two days I'm going to be kicked out of the college.

So, for months, I've been struggling to beat my anxiety to meet a lot of people working in the college, begging for their help. But nothing. I got nothing. I keep on being transferred from this department to that department, but they still don't let me pay the freaking money. I'm really sure that everyone would blame me if I got dropped out of my college.

The 9th is nearing. And my head has been hurting from all the thoughts to end all these. I feel like a complete failure... With my mom not wanting to support me, my father not even caring, my younger sister hating on me for no reason, and my brother harassing me, I really do not know what to do...

I have the 8th of January to flip the tables. I'm planning to go to the college once again... And if there's no way for me to pay them, then in the next day I'm going to be a college dropout. It's not that I don't like being that, I hate college after all, but I need the degree for my mom to at least shut up with the hate she directs towards me.

If I quit though... I don't know, I really want to live outside my country and start studying all the things I really want to study for a really long time. Even if that means I don't need to see my family anymore.",5.346791970802919,5.209756728467156,6.420136861313868,79.53487682481752,67.84671532846716,9.36094890510949,32.59945255474452,9.052201404669685,2.660840145985402,2649,106,534,43,40,890,268,685,0.103,0.838,0.059,-0.9874,4,0,0,0,0,0,105.0,0,0,8,12,27,24,4,3,42,2,52,4,2,3,8,92,102,38,0,21,30,10,2,3,0,4,2,1,1,0,26,19,0,2,15,2,12,9,24,11,0,2,19,5,86,13,111,66,17,83,0,2,2,0,28,35,0,9,35,399,112,27,0.0,0.0,0.12338756666894855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976504892622347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483632703618692,0.0,0.0626974381843068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707687896809623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269137271698078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445719451507194,0.0,0.06687857562976253,0.0,0.06628516373224448,0.0,0.0,0.05047617540940394,0.0,0.06944440732809565,0.12231537249872013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553244120752606,0.0646962013468011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562470876288993,0.0,0.1679829640182289,0.06532335346244597,0.0,0.1252690127108648,0.0,0.0,0.18122879506481174,0.0,0.0,0.11919673256009385,0.0,0.031966026331377566,0.045164514549895736,0.0,0.06925462517868415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557693664306168,0.0,0.15168887754556942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725053978815076,0.06488215135342848,0.06720010295549969,0.0,0.0,0.04237515902677872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767851822167448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056193007402219705,0.0,0.0,0.13897664669829018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929384994312104,0.0,0.09265857064660063,0.0,0.05582458377035738,0.0559478764744608,0.053089035051185736,0.0,0.06901230271304007,0.10749508519801282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886531777160751,0.0,0.0,0.06371107940793391,0.0,0.0,0.14808543893134182,0.1009235009417395,0.0,0.046474111987479104,0.14063090381355287,0.04875930596628366,0.0,0.06723538657586074,0.0,0.0,0.1213229498420564,0.0,0.06633895195389157,0.06732743635594057,0.0,0.048081801370336866,0.0,0.0,0.28079414625635696,0.0,0.0,0.04382891781738986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643176587094653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448490257032727,0.06323729573564776,0.0,0.2835032965039756,0.13000176402233646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060136875547030996,0.0,0.06329443649340168,0.06398220486925953,0.05037830425643162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949514814644115,0.0,0.10097544673293513,0.0,0.0,0.13218293300474362,0.0,0.0,0.07174151953090184,0.05958427849622115,0.0,0.04753371311681013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400136677250515,0.0,0.12422702637637276,0.20075906830345333,0.036864199708333836,0.0,0.0,0.06040959835493725,0.0,0.0,0.06876540981729128,0.12351387378216905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925620960191248,0.052163275604080704,0.29831123631663264,0.10036248428866397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094200468904114,0.0,0.04602504941609258,0.0,0.0,0.134729421876881,0.0,0.0,0.08142345593160552
suicidewatch,ynkblot,2018/01/06,On the edge again I just want to leave everything behind. I made a post in the past and I don't have time to update. I just can't stand being your friend after all that we made and accomplished together.  I just want to leave.,2.182659574468083,3.824398276595748,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,76.87234042553192,7.253191489361702,18.132978723404253,8.07648339933343,0.3696000000000006,177,3,40,3,4,57,33,47,0.054000000000000006,0.748,0.197,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,1,11,8,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,7,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24896954755746006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402654134210136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866526842240908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5242499057526019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644488833973586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26531053887719663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153377959396498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267895538139167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unendingroad,2018/01/06,"If it’s possible please If it’s possible for someone to help me, for someone to save me. Please please do it because I can’t go on like this. I’ve been told a lot of things and given advice but it’s not working. I need some sort of miracle or something... seeing how things are now I’ll definitely be dead before the end of the year, maybe even month.",2.240045045045046,3.6510249864864894,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,76.16216216216216,7.095495495495496,24.495495495495497,7.793537801064563,1.1149711711711712,275,9,61,4,6,92,54,74,0.07400000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.234,0.8406,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,10,6,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,8,6,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,6,5,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592886233276933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097481290856591,0.0,0.15319717264597865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945824710845038,0.0,0.0,0.11891192241204325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231847209929504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067417583997465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795637903661528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305996615753764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087012072418096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437028270658874,0.0,0.0,0.1334942358140125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5928756067039201,0.0,0.40592654009723256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346519248502546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305087432702509,0.13860032483647028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392155200715024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203188523019222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106817847624455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593712760322265
suicidewatch,AbioticFountain,2018/01/06,"At what point does life stop hurting! It just seems like every day life hurts. Two days ago my girlfriend attempted suicide two feet from me, and all I can think about is how jealous I am of her.",3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846153,3.3979487179487187,93.85538461538464,72.84615384615384,6.2256410256410275,25.820512820512814,6.42735559955562,0.6906512820512818,153,5,33,1,3,46,36,39,0.32,0.629,0.051,-0.923,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,7,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,5,1,4,5,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559971809213667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991626272964353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297117359764544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541841038683916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965904834963651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327650413630808,0.11331356341354172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192570992839621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114833787635934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391119052760514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25370336039825564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861699338629056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531409368264889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kiaraokiara,2018/01/06,"Antidepressants Hi
What medications can you overdose on
I am taking Pristiq? How much of that would o have to take to end up in hospital/ded ",1.6572222222222237,4.424160555555559,3.649907407407409,80.91708333333334,91.59259259259258,7.144444444444447,25.26851851851852,8.07648339933343,2.2621185185185197,113,5,21,3,4,38,26,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39198068875021336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458370619714782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253357481642561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6655066857027374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143850442863181,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,searchingformytruth,2018/01/06,"I overeat and weigh well over 200 lbs. I eat at odd times and can't/don't stop for a while. Not suicidal, but quite depressed all the same. :( As in, right now, I'm eating two bowls of cereal while on the computer and it's past 3 am...(it's the weekend, but still...)

I am incredibly ugly in the mirror and dislike looking at myself when naked (sorry for the mental image, haha.)  I recently ate a family-sized box of cereal (""21 servings"", it said) in four and a half days--it's supposed to last a month, I think.  Damn, I can pack it away...quite literally. :(

This has a *huge* impact on my health, obviously: I find it taxing to climb a flight of stairs or walk relatively short distances (I do have CP, but this is much worse than my usual tiredness), breathe rather heavily, etc.  It's not a good situation.

Obesity is a growing (pun somewhat intended) problem in the States and probably elsewhere in the world, too.   I understand that this is mostly my fault, I think. However, I also acknowledge that there is a cognitive distortion of some sort at play as well; preexisting conditions like depression can twist the mind's thought processes in unpleasant ways (""I'm unhappy, and food momentarily raises the mood, so why not?""

I shouldn't be depressed, really; I have a good job, a nice apartment with very good rent, and a great support network for my physical and emotional needs.  But the brain works in funny ways, and people that have life working out for them can still be missing *something* and that makes them unhappy regardless.",5.818947368421052,6.880822754385964,6.490175438596497,75.24789473684213,67.0701754385965,10.491228070175438,32.54385964912281,10.5429385540328,3.5798070175438603,1195,50,218,32,19,392,180,285,0.218,0.674,0.108,-0.9909,3,0,1,0,0,0,73.0,0,0,2,4,11,19,1,0,22,1,16,11,2,2,2,43,29,23,1,5,9,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,12,13,7,1,6,2,2,3,4,7,2,3,3,2,20,11,28,23,7,40,0,4,1,0,3,20,1,5,15,140,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521198312501701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118604886168082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290997834180407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30763778391489904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436555519562353,0.0,0.13392611506720214,0.0,0.0,0.13278301526656633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881839062242936,0.0,0.14396743771684314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995848326459719,0.0,0.13126371757838462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655487241697555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181483612447162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970495299287541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409537303599265,0.05816654573820691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998014529966276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947326095037234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998415435997482,0.0,0.1202163367560872,0.0,0.0950323007244073,0.0,0.08752256402289196,0.08828124416115737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136559364962366,0.08254099113846566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836647218417382,0.11392403445175635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25326925016867485,0.0,0.0,0.07627267974066676,0.0,0.117557070587625,0.0,0.0,0.10167631623604903,0.11325302012483285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382806878702205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165795843613346,0.0,0.1332775642621535,0.0,0.0,0.19016242857538485,0.09953922366566546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302319658122971,0.13510751400553014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257727112031466,0.0,0.09452008686846476,0.06942465689273596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630400736573245,0.12394532580253435,0.0,0.0,0.1311274169558346,0.09823670498388272,0.0,0.18900806451164967,0.0,0.0,0.2140979017246587,0.0,0.10743284270116384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335373014817373,0.0,0.12133198552921645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rigatony013,2018/01/06,"I don't know what to do I admit, I come from a loving family.. people who support me whenever I ask.. but for some reason I just can't go there. I spend my nights drinking, and hell I even get laid sometimes but it only seems to make it worse.. I spent the last hour staring at my gun, wondering if it isn't better on the other side. I even used to help people in my place, and now i sit here and I don't know what to do. I've never been here before... I'm well.. lost ",-0.9505663430420696,0.9605541941747616,1.8487621359223319,97.09573220064726,89.58252427184465,4.598381877022653,14.408576051779935,5.985473137389443,-0.8510317152103557,354,6,86,3,12,123,69,103,0.153,0.7559999999999999,0.091,-0.8522,0,0,1,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,3,1,18,23,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,6,1,2,2,5,2,1,0,3,1,15,4,9,20,1,13,1,1,1,1,5,5,1,4,5,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831879154541136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667400340898641,0.0,0.0,0.1733029077904011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879460341573466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195757127766616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588478319047597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472534702891316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237641157443428,0.0,0.11136357956999866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134195524496708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297245528708096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153793039361489,0.15972637683040244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390387629129987,0.0,0.1768536035429655,0.0,0.1307989439600477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511296412587438,0.0,0.0,0.18388692200403264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149029713367904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716957715141141,0.0,0.20472729223769087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147046364118945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838660812245127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380074188674212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236309346896005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923891747273892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618365670898165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250071179057364,0.0,0.0,0.1996910078436004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gorgans1,2018/01/06,"How passive I am makes me wanna die. Growing up depressed and anxious has fucked up who I am too much. Like I have no confidence at all, people pick up on that and shit always happens to me because people can tell straight away I'm pretty much a human doormat. And then things the average person wouldn't even think twice about keep me up at night. Worried about what others think. And only thinking about all the bad things over and over again.

Honestly I don't think I can change anything. It's pretty much who I am now. I hate myself the most. I dream about death.",2.5429626623376613,4.8652050982142905,3.025551948051948,91.50581168831171,78.375,5.144155844155844,22.68181818181818,6.11248444174946,0.3976678571428569,449,14,88,3,11,139,75,112,0.243,0.589,0.16899999999999998,-0.9197,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,4,0,9,2,1,3,2,18,19,7,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,12,2,16,18,6,16,0,1,0,1,5,11,2,1,5,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379377259027052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187278083320802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364183498988282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575066970174908,0.0,0.13841484529330195,0.1010546419471436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753675188897583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278139809921467,0.0,0.17204783589407435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949254299557597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325592286314932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465939087454844,0.0,0.0,0.16366807189596924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734805869124468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098908350022943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065581573494424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655901595587521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555682082843085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260790339905763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985443397626,0.1447479642241308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33730467859000474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016521847272395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489428491728573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026652235827715,0.4248866146054641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835212728728358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kerli33,2018/01/06,"Fuck you late fees :D Testerday I had a suicidal break and was about to go to the hospital and I managed to calm down enough, my boyfriend took off work and we spent the day together. Now I just went a checked to make sure the rent went thru and it didn’t. Boyfriend had just enough for rent and it was going to be a day late so we used my bank because I have checks, I wrote a check so our landlord had it on time and she was just going to cash it later. Well my bank just got hit with a monthly service fee of $5. That $5 now makes me $5 short on rent and probably has made the check bounce. Landlord hasn’t contacted us yet and idk if she’s going to expect an extra $70 as a late fee! Or more because they’re not open all weekend! I’m freaking out how much my shitty bank just set me back. I got this account because it was free and they changed it in the past few years and I don’t expect them to just give me the $5 and at this point I don’t know what to do. I have to find something to sell but I have nothing worth to sell. Boyfriend has had to sell all of his guns because of me. I’m doing so so so bad right now. I can’t fidn a job and now this shit is going down and I feel like I can’t do it anymore. 

TLDR; my banks $5 service fee just caused my check to bounce and bumped my rent up with a late fee of at least $70-$90 and there’s nothing I can do and I want to kill myself lol",0.34714285714285964,1.7470798789808908,2.12433575978162,99.8060031847134,81.42038216560509,5.250045495905368,20.13148316651501,5.773587663045528,-0.3791752502274792,1078,28,279,6,28,355,152,314,0.107,0.835,0.058,-0.9625,5,0,1,1,0,1,26.0,4,1,2,1,22,10,3,0,15,1,26,2,1,6,3,49,50,26,2,4,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,12,22,0,0,3,1,26,8,7,5,1,0,17,1,37,6,35,31,9,42,0,0,0,1,13,14,2,2,19,175,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124961207063473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722380099450956,0.0947127135978192,0.27659343447413115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652804079301897,0.11999820941005365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631118705263665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344154424444754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057355676098055024,0.08103732508994896,0.0,0.0,0.10367668855221596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486797350781957,0.0,0.10881629995076507,0.32233599155481696,0.0,0.18144718266386775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256581522350108,0.0,0.12549799616145565,0.0,0.062340400481656025,0.0,0.5118343049919336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541815875206768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733406348585996,0.15143625037370165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905419955969658,0.0,0.08338709623980077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176861065640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082856589114265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723186500888354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223011173117106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687207935391663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643844681085913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732709200862114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407846579823766,0.0,0.10691027225398296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614432072871572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602942993133526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644722418406696,0.0979706192704592,0.0,0.0,0.06690635578698853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199085535921903,0.21030904598469755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258135682367189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304782453697249
suicidewatch,pumpkinpecanwaffles,2018/01/06,"i want to kill myself before my flight tomorrow morning i don't want to exist anymore

unless someone can give me a way i can cease to exist without killing myself i'm getting really close to ending myself

i deleted all social media
tried to delete my name from anywhere it existed
deleted non important contacts
photos are gone
i want my life gone",3.551558441558445,6.362328181818183,4.8932034632034656,76.77409090909094,77.78787878787878,6.195670995670996,29.12554112554113,7.447530270364453,2.3479722943722945,284,13,42,4,7,94,47,66,0.071,0.789,0.14,0.1321,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,8,12,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,12,0,8,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,27,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448984285074625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012801221724509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871581516700064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290161176917867,0.23688764276149335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464057222204631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442124087432276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158196283159158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517245438303631,0.20923171974715796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765625804632014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369553710789468,0.19600972061367847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380416426994655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QueueIsShit,2018/01/06,Me Just Trying to be a good person I'm only 13. Last year I met this dude on a video game. A week later after getting to know him he tried to OD. Before that he put something in a discord chat that he was going to kill himself. I helped him through it. Almost 1 year 2 months later (today) Another friend of mine decided to do the same. I still don't know if he is ok. (will keep updated). After a game of league of legends he got really mad in voice chat. HE was also dealing with this other dude saying he was going to kill himself if the first guy didn't fully forgive him (because he fucked up really bad saying he was going to do someone thing to first guy's friend). So that mixed with this is really getting me fucked up man. Oh yeah i forgot to mention even before of all of this this other dude was popping pills. That was all today. Someone please help me. All of my online friends have serious depression. ,2.462822580645163,4.225094569892473,4.106115591397852,86.3291733870968,76.41935483870967,6.370430107526883,22.91532258064516,7.1686216300943375,0.8864419354838708,714,21,141,8,16,239,106,186,0.16899999999999998,0.741,0.09,-0.9619,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,14,5,0,7,2,15,3,0,0,3,16,29,4,3,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,4,13,2,0,2,4,5,0,4,2,8,0,2,10,3,14,6,25,17,4,24,0,1,0,2,33,5,2,3,15,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722137764230948,0.0,0.0,0.10160116424813352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322211781255186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608073851399384,0.07744798634354984,0.0,0.21621894849242745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098210125072435,0.10942725199981276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391476938859814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613589458636367,0.0,0.0,0.2944735885793998,0.23490979518153274,0.13275588062505833,0.0,0.21661488981704846,0.10656280434766456,0.1016128163110186,0.0,0.0,0.2515972783987415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031674253287538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292712751619087,0.2811221346980837,0.0,0.139645787162928,0.10356201926335763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140942429589583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662660828403552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093442261020248,0.0,0.13946182127499868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771949311369482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441728280714892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020691766538408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529667538196004,0.09780864744189234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146162019408198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440581395789734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408554890690572,0.0,0.0,0.17251607456064522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191116955307103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636309821430585
suicidewatch,moneymiyn,2018/01/06,"Feeling very conflicted Honestly I don't know what to do. I'm feelng really depressed and I feel like suicide is the only option to make it stop. 

I feel depressed because I just don't see a future where I'm ever happy. The source of my depression is my looks, I honestly can't stand how I look, and its held me back from just about every aspect of life due to the anxiety I feel because of it. And no one ever takes me seriously when I tell them how much I hate my apperance they either say ""You're fine, there's nothing wrong with you"" or say that I'm a shallow person for fixating on my looks so much. This hurts the most because they have no idea what it's like to have this weighing on your mind constantly, and how you cry yourself to sleep over it every night. And since I don't see a way to improve my looks enough to the point where I can live without this crushing anxiety whenever I leave the house I don't see any other option besides suicide.

However, I do enjoy spending time with my family, specfically my little sister. Honestly playing with her is the only enjoyment I can get out of life, because its the only thing that can get my mind off of my apperance.

So this is why I feel conflicted, on one hand I'm constantly thinking about how I look and how my apperance will prevent me from ever doing what I truly want, because I don't even know what I truly want out of life because my apperance is weighing on my mind so heavily. 

On the other hand though, I can't stand the thought of having my family discover me dead one day, especially my sister. 

So I guess the question is do I continue on living miserably but pretending to be happy for the sake of my family, or do I just end it so the pain stops.

I really don't know what to expect from posting this, but I just wanted to get all of this off of my chest, and hopefully writing it all down helps it makes more sense to me.",7.003293233082707,5.586465548051951,7.913151059466852,74.42010252904994,64.94805194805195,11.429938482570062,34.548872180451134,10.5429385540328,3.4600909090909093,1496,55,296,32,19,509,167,385,0.105,0.764,0.131,0.7252,1,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,3,3,0,26,21,1,1,16,0,27,10,4,7,5,65,62,23,3,5,10,2,7,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,25,12,2,6,12,2,1,0,11,9,0,3,2,17,54,12,44,58,8,36,0,5,8,0,16,16,0,8,18,214,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533613639454793,0.0,0.12005658501163174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033753825191129,0.0,0.2870025166730739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959344014644012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619411311089914,0.050605779298856214,0.0,0.20275476612943932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949992163219834,0.08107907798137899,0.0,0.05182779466495898,0.21293812366747306,0.1322264219476926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219197422233094,0.0,0.1983805028600203,0.05605800993188946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298987243363987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644205025750322,0.0,0.0,0.16706264635108573,0.0,0.07747153359819924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259587331475126,0.0,0.0,0.0779370618936911,0.0,0.09054227166533244,0.08400229880595379,0.0885815399065707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937293224374027,0.0,0.0,0.08308695657707113,0.0,0.0,0.16627415666078274,0.07667162484156949,0.0786461886969826,0.13857848811748222,0.0,0.3294694611281577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475684899611748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376928633447153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536695378366955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363750018739162,0.0,0.07529277348590284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595171375904452,0.1790368030492449,0.0834961621889442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851578712791606,0.0,0.0,0.07417822524387087,0.0,0.07515126348491613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790283180034557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100538036297664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480281924191962,0.0,0.0,0.1875880328950848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491006737612663,0.0,0.07852530608362662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120658820387848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166390574542575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899864946091572,0.0,0.06858504735909339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213107568800664,0.0502795341472508,0.07709503741839592,0.062295332724315984,0.04575569324669528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474484340273272,0.1388485054158848,0.06228475161431812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080573985190634,0.0,0.0,0.07564096588159629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579313631636823,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ObviousThrowaway4556,2018/01/06,"I'm killing myself once my mom dies There's no point in going on after that. Life is nothing but pain, and her death will just be an even bigger weight that I'll never get rid of. Life isn't worth living. It's a sick joke. ",0.19530612244898293,2.0595566938775534,1.7177142857142869,100.20228571428574,84.10204081632655,3.92,13.881632653061226,3.1291,-1.5099093877551018,174,2,42,0,5,56,44,49,0.275,0.616,0.109,-0.8672,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,1,4,7,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810240474874751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884582762934326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146994334871454,0.0,0.1538889579209676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29957492114515616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825159756279629,0.0,0.0,0.2391012830008656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171310563450304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884011715570996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598180855590071,0.0,0.0,0.2883689465574219,0.0,0.0,0.28812609772593384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25597203530609514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297337570010301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mahcheese,2018/01/06,"I’m trans and my dad just said this that made me want to kill myself “An A is an a and a H is a H, no matter how you go and modify it, it will not be as beautiful.”


Help",-2.2742857142857136,-1.2590800952380956,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,88.04761904761904,6.104761904761905,12.88095238095238,7.1686216300943375,-0.8477333333333337,124,1,38,2,4,48,33,42,0.223,0.665,0.113,-0.7873,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,9,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791688880446237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329251158600708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5434567804734876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647996490885628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672580918451297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28973142059122364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_234987,2018/01/06,"I can’t deal with the pain anymore I am in my late twenties and I have dealt with so much hurt and pain that I just can’t take anymore.

Sexually abused by a family member at 4, 11, and 13
Raped at 14
Sexually assaulted God knows how many times
Physically assaulted at 14, 21, and 28
Relationship after relationship after relationship, all ending in turmoil
Married at 21, divorced at 22

I feel like I can’t do anything right. The only thing I have keeping me here is my daughter. I feel like it it’s 80% how great she’s turned out. I love that little girl but I’m beginning to lose sight of why I’m staying here. 

Flashbacks keep me having a healthy relationship. I’m not over it. I still think about my ex and have never hid that. I don’t trust the new guy I’m seeing.

Something happened tonight that struck me to my core. He had his ex over tonight and said she was going through a rough time. I wanted to see him because I had such a good day and wanted to end it on a good note. He told me not to come over and said he was “going through some shit” and told me not to come over ... I should have listened, I should have kept my concern to myself. His ex was there.. he introduced us but she left almost immediately. I feel like if she had nothing to hide, she would have stayed.

Long story short, words were exchanged and I asked what he expected of me, to be upset or what. He practically yes but nothing happened. I asked what he exactly thought of me that I would be upset. That’s when he unleashed everything ... I’m a good person but I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m a manipulative person but I’m not very good at it, I’m emotional and immature, I try too hard to be awkward for attention, I try too hard in general, if I was better I could be geat to be with. 

Texting it out sounds so dumb and petty but it hurts. What if he’s right? And still, it hurts so much. It hurts so much that I feel like killing myself. My best friend tried to explain that I didn’t do anything wrong in being upset. I’m just not sure I want to start over anymore. I don’t want to date anymore. Yet being alone is so miserable. 

It feels so selfish but I really just don’t want to feel anymore. I can’t take it.",0.8606828193832571,3.1002115528634357,2.8181603524229075,91.03025374449342,84.35242290748899,5.834643171806168,22.075594713656386,7.1686216300943375,0.7004447224669605,1711,59,374,25,50,572,200,454,0.192,0.684,0.124,-0.9852,0,1,1,0,2,1,54.0,1,0,0,3,22,36,6,6,11,1,40,5,1,3,4,76,89,33,1,14,20,4,9,4,1,4,2,4,0,4,24,20,0,3,11,0,1,4,15,21,0,0,15,16,53,15,47,62,6,49,0,6,3,2,43,23,2,6,24,233,77,0,0.0,0.08051693054848963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804827226465626,0.07038208132962541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33697122340887553,0.0,0.0,0.11184424946466856,0.0,0.12705966168941996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041425440902493185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131579135467106,0.06010169606181474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170764193251343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425745954948829,0.0,0.0,0.04382609763782727,0.07005981111732491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644152691600173,0.1203779644726432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107460962818805,0.0,0.06406301431175368,0.0,0.20616404074578168,0.19419156078189725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052502756223723634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724209705432884,0.2279935922065853,0.0,0.07492189999932145,0.0,0.06728727678794724,0.12018680560122835,0.0,0.1217507325706359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909938746347796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080510464039672,0.07518341616823772,0.0,0.03734692518498128,0.0,0.07665750198888059,0.0,0.07383456046157569,0.0,0.0,0.13279977753186914,0.06810991931024073,0.0,0.0601390580817912,0.0,0.07602555412756534,0.0,0.0,0.06133308242254853,0.0,0.0,0.0688968742991223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986677759202355,0.0,0.05241197554428578,0.06563247726463041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304115256373721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168371755106375,0.14462027883677855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867338545139278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353445254815425,0.0,0.0,0.3647973890763716,0.0,0.1160683688969522,0.12928372904488156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830451329543116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697560158116113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523159676015818,0.0,0.0,0.04809971576735525,0.1448644372155753,0.10853974518011987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404787118026896,0.0,0.10218914154069668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514704930389603,0.04354355971298497,0.0,0.053949595721738366,0.07925156009845162,0.0,0.0,0.12987003522193155,0.0,0.13841330398974233,0.07391678175503284,0.0,0.0,0.08174288637751384,0.0,0.0,0.056070944224707056,0.20041150238613467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061319859333504666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965482044855154,0.07429938676868793,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FoulTroublesomeness,2018/01/06,"I have had a desire to kill myself for about a year, I think of ways to end it, and have almost acted on it This is a throwaway account because I have ties to my location on my main. 

In short. I am suffering from suicidal thoughts. I have put a lot of thinking into ways I could kill myself, from publicly doing it, to overdoses, to leaving my house with nothing and just going till I die. 

I’ve gotten as far and putting my knife to my skin before I backed away. It’s not a constant thing feeling like this. It comes and it goes, sometimes it hits really hard, other times I laugh it away and think I’m crazy. 

I feel like it’s just going to take one moment of too much shit coming at before I do it. Thing is. A year ago I wasn’t like this. Never had suicidal thoughts or tendencies, depression, anxiety. You name it 

I’m fucked ",2.079254901960784,3.8628127294117647,3.684117647058823,88.83519607843141,77.58823529411767,6.650980392156862,23.68627450980393,7.554174236665415,1.049756862745098,644,21,135,9,15,214,100,170,0.238,0.682,0.08,-0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,0,5,10,4,0,6,0,13,3,2,0,1,26,30,8,5,2,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,0,7,0,1,7,3,6,0,1,6,4,20,4,24,22,3,28,0,2,0,1,3,9,2,3,13,96,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422501182680199,0.0,0.12903286517016624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857616372845036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421330251643826,0.09908399525300143,0.0,0.078550757465188,0.0,0.2192976600717153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219998440317816,0.0,0.13924992720330087,0.0,0.10288278055460834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109853714438784,0.0,0.13373445859908764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413011045193873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030914666491314,0.18411263538111275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191273215655293,0.0,0.0,0.14646615943324648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543162917536262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868505205546045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28512499373205696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644221904940032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888608103331428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955062632445073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947255973000544,0.0,0.09938338107109382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364290998276173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731764537578109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590761464771416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254985701996445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227108174063928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274440462001457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818998937440518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688532334070978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121531324127853,0.2477013779698667,0.0,0.20459802076014424,0.07513824766143379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045632689726774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596090097286784
suicidewatch,thrownasunderrrrrrr,2018/01/06,"Empty again I don't know where else to express this, but I feel myself falling into emptiness again and I'm just so tired. Fighting for a life that wasn't destined for me...pointless.",3.671666666666667,5.5796517222222235,3.84,88.90500000000002,73.44444444444444,4.800000000000002,28.66666666666667,3.1291,0.8405666666666662,146,6,27,0,3,45,31,36,0.399,0.601,0.0,-0.9426,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763489741761152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883223827034727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31338019230792924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027660677275564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6553885932711079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway26251833836,2018/01/06,"I'm such a burden I'm a total burden to my family and friends. I don't understand why they love me and put up with me. I'm a selfish asshole. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of being me. I just wish I could be normal. These past couple months feel like it's getting worse. I feel like this is the year I kill myself. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm tired of feeling this way. Sorry for rambling.",-0.7494242424242437,1.2931147444444449,2.023131313131312,95.13045454545454,90.44444444444444,4.161616161616162,17.070707070707073,5.565023196281405,-0.5401111111111111,317,8,72,2,11,110,57,90,0.256,0.594,0.15,-0.8259,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,10,1,0,4,0,7,4,0,0,1,14,21,3,1,4,2,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,3,12,4,8,17,1,6,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171151867254919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372974467876148,0.18532811420483045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426170546964825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789774564451492,0.0,0.2540688852721559,0.2393144468775467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940488262864186,0.0,0.08750831899776079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179305006542458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530648378560727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636574997262351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116921287565518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336915277708532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410783950951896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989127564609645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837699532409106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749499957343574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.577526613616152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436639795400802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879186849999706,0.13294835920501186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511366215907631,0.0,0.19260899104905813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068994846197505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786017249008302
suicidewatch,Multi-Skin,2018/01/06,"I BEG FOR HELP, PLEASE READ Girlfriend of 6 years turned strange in a week and broke up with me without reason. I have everything I could wish, but I never had a desire or objective in life.

My life started kinda bad...


After being humiliated by a boy by being locked naked for a day and night in a bathroom in the middle of a forest;
raped as a kid;


humiliated again by the same boy when I tried to learn how to swim;


humiliated again by the same boy when I tried to learn Judo;


having bunch of fake friends that used to give me fake addresses just to laugh when I complained about them inviting me to a place so far away when they knew I didn't have a bicycle and my father was always busy to give me a ride;


acting as a father for my sister for my whole childhood and teenager days;


feeling the abstinence of my parents as they had to work to pay the bills;


 being ignored nonstop by my father;


never getting anything on Christmas , easter or birthday;


being so tall as a kid that I had to spend the whole year in a hospital just to see if I had any growth problem (I still feel for the birthday alone);


a bicycle  accident that should have killed me;


a relationship where the girl cheated on me with her own brother and told me she had a group sex with him and his friends at the age of 10;


 getting lots of low grades on college;


discovering my mother has aids and my father has a collection of tumors inside of him;


 After all of that my life moved forward, I got everything anyone could ever need and I found the perfect matching girl for my geeky personality.




Still, I have a deep depression, so so so deep that I didn't even think about suicide because I didn't want to cause even more trouble to anyone.




Then after 5 years of relationship, I started to dream of living with her, building a family and being happy.


I'm the base of my family and of my relationship.


I don't want to be arrogant, but I'm tall, have money, have a house and a car,I'm young (25).


She is 30, has the lowest self-stem ever, she never listened to my soft and caring words to make her feel better (gifts, walks, love letters, nothing helped her) but she did appreciate them as no other man would be so sweet and caring.


I love her a lot even with her job taking her energy and her 0 libido since forever.

She loves to have sex with me, but she never starts, NEVER.

Even with her flaws she was pure, kinda like a little girl that lives in a disney fantasy, she had this vision of us as a disney story, where I was always the charming prince.




After 3 years of close cities relationship we were in a distance relationship for 2,3 years, different states.
A bunch of times she just didn't give attention, not because she didn't like me, but because that's her way to be.


I used to even call her ""potato"" sometimes because of her lack of good-sense and attention.


I was a charming prince to her, always being sweet.




After 4 years trying to bring her libido up, always exchanging nudes and having our way somehow (it always were amazing, she always loved it, just didn't have the start or initial motivation) I finally asked for a time-out, but 3 times in a row in different occasions she denied.


We never fought, never were rude to each other, I only complained about her lack of attention and her answer were always being quiet, she was created in a cold family and no one had ever loved her before.




Everything was fine until November, when I forcefully did a time-out for her to recover and get some energy from work, but it didn't work, her shift got extended and she came back even more tired.
In December, even with her lack of ""cute"" and ""lovable"" words I kept by her side, always showing support. Still I'm human, so once in a while I complained about the lack of caring.




Last week my family had a bunch of problems between them, and things only worked out because I absorbed all the damage to myself.


I was ruined, my mother didn't even saw me as her son after that, my sister (that was never close to me) hated me even more, my father was the only one I could thrust.


Still I kept cheering her up, telling that 2018 will be ""our"" year, that everything will work better and we will find her a nice job here so we can live together.




Then it happened.... 




I think it was last friday, I started to take pills to lower my libido so I could understand her better (she didn't knew). Then she woke up totally different, she told me she had a dream where her dead grandfather told her ""If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be."".


 She was not my ""potato"", as she told herself she was ""rational"". 

From that day on she kept being more and more negative and cold, not even calling me by nicknames or anything. 2 days ago she started to say she was anchoring my life and that she was 50/50, that all the good things she did where denied by how much she threw my life away.


I feel guilty, because 1 day ago, after coming home, she kinda tried to be herself, told something cute, but I replied cold, because I was getting used to her being that way with me too. 


She then made a commentary about how she was not feeling alright. I still feel guilt for telling her ""its always these 3 options, either tired, sleepy or sick, its hard to keep up with that 0 libido"".


She woke up even colder, she kept talking about needing to find herself, to see a deep chest that she didn't open to anyone. And I kept telling her that I want to help, I'm the person closest to her for her whole life, she told that it would scare her to look there and etc... 




Then she just broke up, simple as that, she told me I could get someone better, that I deserved someone better, that she was only dragging me down, that she didn't know if she could ever come back to herself.


 The more I tried to bring her up and keep us together, the more she talked about her not being negative to me the more she kept talking about closing a cycle. 

So I called her and even so I didn't get any success to fix things, we even told our ""I love you"" to each other while crying.




She keeps telling that in a future we can maybe open other, but that only makes me sadder even when she tells me she is going to be in a relationship with herself and noone else.


Let me explain why: if I get someone better she is going to think she was really worse, if I don't get someone and stay quiet I'm afraid to never have a chance again, so it's a lose-lose situation.


She even messaged me telling that today was the only day she was egocentric and thought only of herself.

Now I'm obsessed with my mistakes, trying to find out where I went wrong, she tells me that I'm still a wonderful person, but all I want to do is kill myself, I only had one objective in my whole shitty life, that was to be together with her.


That's unfair in so many levels, it was a punch in my face when I less expected, this monday we were reading our first messages to each other, today I woke up thinking that this weekend I could make her some surprise and write something lovely, now I don't have any objective in life as I've suffered a lot (and will suffer even more).


Edit 1:
Before she broke up, a few minutes before it I already knew she was a deep depression, but it hurts me so much to know that in 6 years of me giving love I couldn't help at all and that she said she will never go for a psychologist because she thinks they are going to give her pills and it will make her not herself (as if it could be possible for her right now to be even less herself) 


Edit 2: I'm feeling a bit better, but I'll keep this post stickied on my web browser so I can read all these kind words as I'm not in my normal state of mind and even there I have suicidal thoughts constantly. Now that I don't have someone to walk side by side and prevent these thoughts to take over I might make /r/suicidewatch my new home if you guys allow it.


[SORRY FOR ANY WRITING MISTAKES,ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE, I'M IN A DEEP SHAKEN STATE OF MIND AND I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 40 HOURS]",8.087055972482801,5.853144993746097,8.051862883051907,76.89016455597248,63.41525953721076,10.734490306441527,34.02822076297686,8.920646497554287,2.687989430894309,6251,189,1261,74,72,2030,502,1599,0.147,0.72,0.132,-0.9769,10,1,3,0,0,3,205.0,13,4,6,16,86,77,7,4,74,1,126,28,3,16,24,251,258,111,5,38,42,12,9,2,3,10,13,5,3,14,67,74,0,12,36,9,6,20,42,34,0,4,89,23,245,44,195,129,46,197,0,11,4,13,218,73,0,26,99,931,312,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050633288727734364,0.0,0.0,0.029579462135508886,0.03151658002864528,0.0,0.21387725919783326,0.0,0.0,0.07768689521450704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599092767743574,0.0,0.04700475859218501,0.0,0.0266996683025825,0.0,0.0536659667510371,0.06588244281668126,0.02384633882982549,0.1392788888846098,0.0,0.07290716080137644,0.0,0.0,0.17681248785895234,0.031180033826878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748860931611388,0.03266493808328832,0.08735622036922099,0.029338903283096726,0.0,0.07380552223590807,0.0,0.03086312558273833,0.0,0.18242216655078686,0.0,0.03137172917935261,0.11051270759276877,0.0,0.049197231560751335,0.0,0.0,0.0895171078564092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023858147008886305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03185185837516204,0.3395440202488569,0.1033363247450635,0.0,0.0,0.10267125204650948,0.0,0.10769499681297172,0.0,0.10108526974520186,0.0,0.0,0.03128599449712998,0.07830974375210037,0.024293051914009663,0.0,0.03131447628464721,0.044130644061410915,0.0,0.11937102834627762,0.13698638019456005,0.06492503892817125,0.04790940890358888,0.0456839513213932,0.0,0.0,0.02827880929848007,0.0252554414298977,0.030402564097208037,0.02558407705490599,0.028197006540629975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657244487028765,0.0,0.05729585337158225,0.0,0.02812576656559305,0.03295431118728,0.030573983227750238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668262408515644,0.10154147052717806,0.06319463618449461,0.029740759988206224,0.031391568379829746,0.04656029050795423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029204451452855964,0.16138171928519573,0.027905866925922253,0.028624541093839717,0.07565679329594592,0.0,0.023983138370671002,0.03195124323072315,0.0,0.07284186367256533,0.231987971854331,0.027024085243026453,0.0953198361748957,0.02895527449723188,0.02869227664376301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030297560027179943,0.05767475192589356,0.0,0.0,0.03035467333199545,0.04198965218995356,0.042353635072366135,0.2422988661955839,0.02758334705983773,0.0,0.026801548620276526,0.027982656086729358,0.027404011871704083,0.0,0.0,0.030415380891934362,0.05805881932463649,0.1737688385956304,0.0,0.0,0.03171240943091048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481225714991525,0.029839035952136408,0.031350213908149537,0.0,0.03219701667384978,0.02735250703840517,0.0,0.0,0.05465596941897582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570294105098128,0.0,0.018296214979880168,0.02936435265750208,0.0,0.18397598400276466,0.0,0.024390014177319782,0.02716702245640181,0.02271199334135336,0.02859346053382442,0.0,0.0455171144360356,0.0,0.02979422347102672,0.0,0.0,0.02362505954574156,0.03210254478005497,0.0,0.0,0.12099363046515513,0.06596046125033232,0.02824648947144416,0.031970490299097466,0.12128914300836548,0.030441072887086213,0.1368479258683878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062479830310295664,0.03240945683365525,0.0,0.0,0.06442051270209183,0.0688661414911512,0.17473839194956992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569218220114969,0.09150021223039358,0.0,0.068020154863144,0.06661407212819727,0.06565084949853689,0.05414292624486584,0.21832180673334886,0.0,0.11634185881035965,0.031064989920685324,0.0,0.02973188216730975,0.06870813044379585,0.07399979877289654,0.0,0.0,0.06738151909532535,0.06800860136933952,0.04581808750107337,0.0,0.0,0.02647533039135689,0.0257708840523683,0.12754451538269235,0.032842496567174057,0.02753074207572568,0.030972013109086295,0.1039598033378142,0.0,0.02910499668722992,0.04057629306890905,0.031225787247227337,0.0,0.14713320807908056
suicidewatch,12248732213,2018/01/06,"Why is it still happening 5 straight years of dealing with depression and anxiety. Five.  Five years later and I still find that I have nights where i can't fall asleep because of the unbelievable weight on my chest

I'm so tired, you know? I've been doing so much better, I have resources, I've had better coping mechanisms; why is it that as soon as I finally feel like I have a grasp on things—for real this time—it completely falls apart. And all due to my own head. 

I'm literally having an internal battle with myself every single day: one side saying that I am doing better and that things are changing, and my other side doing absolutely anything it can to tear me down. So far, the bad side keeps doing things that work without fail 

It's just—it's been 5 years. And I'm in the same place. Despite the seeming progress, and the changes, and the growth, I'm in the exact same place. 

What the fuck now? My good side knows I'm supposed to hold on, knows that this is just another time I fall time and another time I'll have to get back up. But I'm so genuinely tired of getting back up. 

I really want to die. For the first time in a few months, I utterly and truly want to die. 

I never reach such a point because I know I have people who care for me and I know it would hurt the people I love. I never want to do that. I never ever want to do that. And I still don't, but god it fucking hurts and I just really really really want to die 

5 years. Despite the illusion of progress, I'm in the exact same spot. The same hurt—maybe even worse, actually—after 5 years of trying and feeling like I'm going somewhere. 

I've gone nowhere. What if I'm going nowhere? I want to die. I can't deal with another five years of this. ",2.318328638497654,3.95948147605634,3.84978873239437,88.53796948356809,76.49295774647888,7.099530516431925,22.537558685446008,7.908726449838941,0.9744629107981218,1344,38,289,21,30,446,159,355,0.14400000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.105,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,1,0,8,17,16,3,0,17,0,25,9,3,0,7,54,59,23,4,8,6,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,23,17,1,2,10,0,0,7,7,8,0,5,4,4,29,8,34,54,9,56,0,4,0,3,6,21,2,2,30,179,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064006034676744,0.05851968851615205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295018268027698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764232487509654,0.06387146453052411,0.09326323292988772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296507498211047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799338046049477,0.0,0.16184651637385086,0.0,0.08020522817893172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933397766393706,0.15772926831699122,0.06588640824608097,0.0,0.31756556818963033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050525281890679084,0.06919555290825062,0.06445168355600467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735795739264939,0.10929837058855857,0.0,0.08379828459563299,0.06991650522889814,0.06506796765477328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143974543343388,0.07993263093132917,0.0,0.08694955965015815,0.06416171751356321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764568947057291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850757938929671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456735726885224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799369160437045,0.0,0.0,0.21020265004182312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474474812558105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904116682482768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768511150927694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061058855148540786,0.0,0.056233801751262164,0.0,0.17699667801995972,0.0,0.0,0.07178687572458843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183607493014845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606621923962678,0.0,0.15984532804324508,0.0,0.07231401152267859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706987639525847,0.19602271937336424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060833165521634376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963963031550678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327084726830767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164188198351724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302890894137856,0.17584317387539453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051936169051990215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27071805472673066,0.0,0.0,0.09315224873949668,0.0,0.0,0.1380525638268923,0.0,0.0,0.07373999122202311,0.0,0.05569043482001095,0.0,0.07795656921742361,0.054340988820671336,0.0,0.0,0.295567808589487
suicidewatch,Winterisnowcold,2018/01/06,"I don't want to say I'm at the end, but it sure feels like it so long as I am here. I go for a drive, desiring to ease my thoughts, but this time an old face pioneers the car. My surroundings lie under a facade created by new memories, burying the familiarity of this scene in another life. I refuse to acknowledge the melding of my two existences, but the dread associated with this road overcomes my strength to ignore. I am again on the street that dominated my adolescence and became my achilles heel. I've been taken down this road more times than I can admit, still unable to figure out how to abandon it, or abandon the one who won't let me derail. I find myself again surrendering to the one who established my first fatal image. I thought I had killed the girl in that passenger seat, replacing her with a fragmented replica, attempting to replace all the bad parts with something new. Something admirable, only to see that image fail too. I return to this girl, find my new image trapped in this girl. What I thought was my past became my present becomes my future. This road is endless, continuously paved by my failure to fight anyone but myself. He wouldn't let me leave, so I ran, and though I ran, I'm somehow back where I started. His knife cuts me, embedding a million brutal images in the mind we share. I later wield this weapon, learning from my teacher that I am deserving of this pain, making identical damage with my own precision. He would be proud, and being proud, he gave me what he thought was best. He taught me how to be careless and ignore danger. He helped me take risks and defy all but him. He made me a woman. He built me a home - a well. I'm shacked to the only stone left untouched by overgrown moss, poison. Everything inside is tainted, yes, including that girl, and I can assure you that's not by fault of the moss. He built it; she gave it reason to exist. Jagged stones cut my feet through layers of rubber, leather and cotton, yet my shoes remain perfectly intact, my socks pristine. Why is everything below me crimson? I can't tell whether it's day or night; an eternity has passed but the atmosphere has never changed. I would give anything to replace this air with gulps of water. After all this, can drowning really be that terrible a way to die?",5.542409069437884,6.484537977168952,5.925915603841915,79.47760273972602,67.63013698630137,8.87242953865533,31.085183435679426,9.035553425615538,2.59162075263738,1806,70,335,31,29,580,248,438,0.199,0.679,0.122,-0.9934,0,1,2,0,1,0,59.0,1,1,0,8,15,33,8,2,24,1,27,9,4,5,8,60,50,22,4,5,10,0,2,1,0,4,3,1,1,5,28,14,2,5,12,0,0,6,6,22,1,5,15,4,53,11,47,25,7,51,0,4,1,0,32,18,0,3,27,224,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996219274147893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999368588153953,0.0,0.09414444881189712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796933829856975,0.09552226168390167,0.0,0.12634983336884115,0.0,0.0,0.1200595632016057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102388291333575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378088413911753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873291746704005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132766922411314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563723168132708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057845918390217736,0.08172998406819748,0.0,0.0,0.20912571075638944,0.09731167868537834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974639712582633,0.0650182256759838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668234911104461,0.0,0.11475617993646516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657067857905696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113693735417545,0.1242998908069848,0.2339709482384239,0.0808066750338926,0.0558918402954184,0.0,0.0,0.10124362231006684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825149138297843,0.07636531880002356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551506470940373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823514078509961,0.3314752484359018,0.0,0.10736006726692153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004737658151125,0.0,0.1550457360118197,0.1740182485799325,0.12173354019790178,0.0,0.0,0.12388799476912175,0.10921122048169432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328990196797537,0.11762599696101075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097836723691577,0.0,0.0,0.09116489007564163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614702436598198,0.0,0.0,0.08097548601024977,0.0,0.09136289557197247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782407783507192,0.0,0.08601730040621305,0.0,0.09999382487508754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240099653195468,0.3632948481237532,0.1334193662823696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175573386564094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747823162304688,0.0908082852622642,0.0,0.0,0.10286261268321012,0.0,0.1032314917540668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625381284880191,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeafySom,2018/01/06,"I don't know how to live. I'm a full time college student with chronic depression and a severe anxiety disorder. My parents are going broke paying rent for my apartment because my college is 3 hours away from home. I feel like they're spending money for me to be a failure and do nothing with my life. I have too much anxiety to even leave the house sometimes(most of the time). I'm 19 years old and I don't have my license, I've never had a job, and I hardly know how to function as a human being. The only things keeping me from killing myself are my cats. 
I've had depression as long as I can remember. I've attempted suicide in the past. 
I don't even know if what i'm typing is making sense to anyone. 
I have an unending feeling of ""I want to go home"" (ie. a place of happiness and comfort) but nowhere feels like home. I simply exist as a shell of a human no matter where I go. I can be happy in the moment, but I am not when I reflect on said moments. 
Its been my goal for a long time to be popular or famous for something, be it youtube, cosplay, dance, but I feel like I'll be nothing but a failure. Who would want to follow or support someone who has too much anxiety to do anything in the world? How would I be successful in doing events or other things, if I have too much anxiety to attend or branch out? 
I guess my main problem right now is money. I can't afford anything. My parents can't afford anything. I'm too useless to get a job. Everything would be better off if I were dead. ",2.300560119492157,3.9160789676375423,4.205517799352752,86.07891150112026,76.47572815533981,6.695593726661688,27.41859596713966,7.468242284971852,1.5687096340552658,1167,48,236,15,26,397,156,309,0.147,0.736,0.117,-0.7691,7,0,1,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,4,12,16,1,0,18,0,36,2,0,4,1,43,59,24,3,9,12,2,5,3,0,3,2,1,4,2,8,8,0,1,9,1,5,6,8,6,0,0,5,6,32,10,35,43,5,35,0,4,0,0,7,14,0,8,18,165,40,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928024266793096,0.0,0.0,0.06690686184909449,0.0,0.2362277557697977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990147144323253,0.0,0.0,0.05833015694002627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462773810661893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648308518791199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096660617202394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264012635863888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599767406334691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352971813298847,0.20507731426743228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049992722323476964,0.0,0.16314408049974105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541046990500172,0.0,0.0,0.2037220542893416,0.0857171243526939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879468220295163,0.0,0.0942328239961064,0.11041042379348913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990997904349494,0.08505136649500983,0.10586394179130333,0.0,0.15776189412648606,0.0,0.0,0.10131915091874304,0.0,0.0,0.06758684742922952,0.1402441053663287,0.0,0.08449373602126324,0.1693606933185405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387208913690451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102376864533565,0.0,0.07380002946090579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362930101628325,0.0,0.1004078403410458,0.0,0.0,0.07277458707303941,0.0,0.0,0.21249908971733947,0.0,0.09134446001101168,0.0,0.0,0.09997297732432033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155992841268044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839518227727732,0.0817165252322591,0.09102063901661347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809953685495664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107563189563496,0.07366484300921311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466649574165196,0.10858493881376798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714092663365553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673882946411702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287782707525627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392077177308646,0.0,0.0,0.06161955474424127
suicidewatch,thebad_comedian,2018/01/06,"I’ve been considering it rationally. I don’t really have good options. I’m not qualified to get into any college I’d want to get into. At this point that field applied to any of them. I had two dreams. Become a surgeon (which I can no longer do), or be a comedian (like hell I’d make it.) Even if I miraculously survive and accomplish one of them, what do I get out of this? I have no friends. I have nothing to look forward to. I’m going to die alone, but if I do this soon, I get to go before it gets even worse. I have a couple months of prescription medication, and enough alcohol to OD. Worst case scenario I’ll use ethanol. I’m ready to quit.",0.23319444444444315,2.469781333333337,2.909513888888892,89.23093750000002,87.51851851851852,6.337962962962964,22.511574074074076,7.6454224807358475,1.1058240740740746,500,19,111,10,16,174,83,135,0.14800000000000002,0.747,0.105,-0.8253,0,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,3,3,5,1,0,3,0,12,3,0,2,0,14,26,6,2,3,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,2,2,1,12,3,17,23,2,10,1,0,1,0,3,6,1,4,4,69,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356720588645399,0.0,0.18759055043292525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634199513079896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003798553288848,0.15412376739167394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200411020102334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797882825231013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871502184024536,0.0,0.2392622938581577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993648316717702,0.0,0.4731508641586498,0.0,0.2058746662400258,0.15191879328244096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848837265802531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209911889041122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090213441548313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824640659434612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457199639976615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737940212547731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273477483238605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122137301913015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926483987257244,0.0,0.0,0.11603311186631238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693249985516346,0.0,0.0,0.15643357453153306,0.0,0.0,0.10683203262953182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458152903164665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rldsett,2018/01/06,"No options left I don't know what to do anymore. I failed meps and can't join the military, and my future 'career' in IT is not going to happen due to my specialized degree. I have almost in 45k of debt and I now only have one shitty job that pays $11 an hour. I don't see any other way out. I only see my future as a wage slave working 2 jobs or 3 just to survive in this shitty world I never asked to be a part of. ",0.4289361702127649,1.6350920531914923,3.4286702127659576,91.40875,80.59574468085106,5.5510638297872354,18.132978723404253,5.985473137389443,-0.2798680851063833,319,6,75,2,8,115,67,94,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.9441,4,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,11,14,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,1,0,1,0,2,10,1,12,13,1,14,0,1,2,0,1,6,0,3,6,50,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293681345928561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576704682467976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271636247402872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413796863464607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017873285956855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025549105509478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255756307678846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546087180155206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258840860667572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488717911262991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666336941170466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521538183679806,0.34841730697896744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480470976850153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650585585177709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181528926216609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667566866683777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lavendercreamcake,2018/01/06,"I Need Help (I can't stop thinking about suicide) Hello,

I wish I knew where to start. I'm using a throwaway for anonymity. I can't talk to my friends, because I've worn them out with my constant insecurities and depression. It's awkward for them, and it only leads to further estrangement. They want to help but they don't know how. I am too shy, and genuinely do not feel comfortable using a suicide hotline and talking to a stranger about this. So this is the only option I have left. Thank you for reading.

I am 33 years old, and I've been living with bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder, and ADHD for as long as I can remember. I've been on multiple medications over the years, but they don't seem to help. I've tried therapy. I just can't find a solution. I feel so sad and alone. I feel a lack of any drive to do anything. I have to force myself out of bed, force myself to appear socially acceptable and pleasant, and force myself through the day.  I feel woefully inadequate as a friend, a son, a brother, and a teacher (I am an English professor).

I have thought of killing myself for years. One of my best friends killed himself a few years ago (jumped from a parking garage).  But I'm afraid.  In a selfish way, I am terrified of the pain, the fear, and the odds of surviving with terrible injury.  I've variously considered (EDIT: I read the rules, deleted the specific methods and details. Suffice to say I have given it a lot of thought).

But I feel angry and frustrated and guilty. I can not imagine the pain and suffering this would cause my mom and dad. I love them, and they really did the best they could for me. I'm not so short-sighted that I don't know people care. But it paralyzes me from doing anything to myself.

I don't know what to do honestly. I wish I had someone to talk to, someone who genuinely cared, and actually wanted to help me through things.  Someone who wouldn't become confused, aggravated, or upset by these feeling and urges I have. I just want something to make the pain stop. I can't stand the loneliness and the sadness each day when I go home.

Please help me?",3.0347277617423245,5.132847317961165,4.3619260036735765,83.62264366308058,75.82038834951456,7.755024927840463,29.58173707688271,8.605353355243054,2.436357701390712,1653,76,320,34,37,545,201,412,0.245,0.574,0.181,-0.9907,0,1,2,0,0,3,65.0,0,1,8,4,11,31,3,6,27,0,31,6,0,6,0,78,66,34,4,10,11,4,6,0,3,2,5,1,2,0,13,26,0,2,18,2,0,5,12,18,0,1,9,7,53,13,47,54,7,29,0,4,0,1,31,8,0,6,14,217,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.08153043659443714,0.0,0.10040801747146537,0.0,0.07405993447735892,0.0,0.0,0.08653014973650637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681525448873687,0.0,0.06391370952824381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750516424798165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092986078950629,0.0922717951474802,0.0,0.0,0.17535616986363928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036475723899314,0.08582643195339368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902853089679754,0.0,0.06670598553560347,0.0,0.0,0.10776262137538367,0.0,0.07195945271200503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191505648184278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401431322447017,0.253465157309957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763610217302566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936460788794185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748204441958924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800010819146348,0.0,0.08380508659710001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486615160672484,0.0,0.1377467801777381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077474623899816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377408940580661,0.07393702491488316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102920873271233,0.07540499947663107,0.0,0.05576869288080503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416544922535875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784997642221548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194951023632159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766918518669996,0.0,0.05661403743212605,0.12708347733247266,0.26670171184780633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792140815453445,0.0,0.0,0.0917102106629301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671404816406478,0.0,0.053522752190947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464318001597352,0.0,0.0,0.06644043004022769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605862601970413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516628906038712,0.212368911510634,0.0643190486080384,0.0,0.0,0.059135443695393176,0.0,0.0,0.13969912214048266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277509737985576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145726476382486,0.0,0.07691943424009044,0.09554399803397016,0.0,0.05550533406552147,0.053533948852392516,0.0,0.13265497432969564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567233576761515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431665770787838,0.0,0.0,0.14783567336555267,0.06631622117738324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215130638002564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934984042171228,0.0,0.0,0.21520774224984665
suicidewatch,Sehkai,2018/01/06,"I'm going to die Hi Reddit. I just needed somewhere to dump my emotional baggage for a while before I finally kill myself. I keep writing new versions of my ""note"" and there's no one in my life that can help me, so here I am. I just really wanted to tell someone before I go.

Thanks",1.952881355932206,3.5170090338983084,4.412000000000003,84.44783050847458,77.3050847457627,6.753898305084746,23.664406779661018,7.554174236665415,1.1820277966101695,219,7,44,3,5,77,47,59,0.211,0.6759999999999999,0.113,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,9,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,11,1,6,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292013913756646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617402104829976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836871830001941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762690019980739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28665823154538683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904203673953466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241638884656019,0.27901812537752746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813388724044046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870005521721005,0.0,0.24357300723449704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089491458630393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156357290471926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136853251687336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204309076888539,0.2321887069129568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875206408483654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatDoIDo83,2018/01/06,"I tried to commit suicide in november, now i want to do it again. As dumb as a reason as it seems, since the age of 11 I was lonely, asocial and could hardly talk to anyone, for years after i was bullied and became depressed, i tried to commit suicide at 14 by slitting my wrists but the cuts werent deep, im 17 now and i tried to commit suicide in november by overdose, i almost vommited at 10 paracetomol so i had to stop so i didnt vommit them out, but still lived the next day. 

From all this trauma through the years, i created this imaginary place in my head, friends that dont exist, a world just for me and those friends with excitement and fun. But I stayed there for years, i created it when i was 12 and I go to it everyday for 3 or 2 hours, and have fun, just thinking, everytime now (since I go college and finally have friends), when i'm with my friends , i have a panic attacks, or act weird and i just cant fit in, i feel so different, so foreign, I listen to music when im with them or at college in general to stay in the world in my head, to feel normal, now i can see people in my world, in real life (psychosis) and i wanna die, for years i wanted this, and i wanna die again. What do i do, my psychologist thinks im autistic and very intelligent but I cant figure out shit, i need help but i've searched for so long and tried to solve it for so long by myself, it feels useless.

I want someone that knows me, that had a world like i do in my head, love rather than sadness and anger, someone to care about, someone to relate too, but i think that's too much to ask for.

What do i do?",2.8235633036597427,3.60501666172107,4.3823924332344255,88.65273800692387,73.77744807121661,7.397082096933729,26.207838773491588,7.6454224807358475,1.22419099901088,1233,41,277,15,24,414,156,337,0.174,0.652,0.173,-0.3313,2,2,0,0,0,8,45.0,0,0,2,0,24,22,5,1,9,0,20,7,5,1,4,58,40,35,5,9,13,0,4,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,16,19,0,1,10,0,0,3,4,12,0,0,6,6,42,10,54,33,2,51,0,4,1,1,11,22,2,5,25,189,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935432495274134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531907177116486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733192807641209,0.10627488972083196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524446855611443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745855685743465,0.0,0.0,0.0602459908343239,0.0,0.08045959671728492,0.0,0.19390340305394416,0.09760048372546253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948358127100084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170274766167051,0.0,0.0,0.10233333951036776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886937912081929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618163427679883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836829413736321,0.0,0.2876172041426512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261519031118615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199655197824114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027179353875424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051339330528085536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598292037629562,0.045638641193322345,0.0,0.08248858569745407,0.16534153562662882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431214551670219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867196332644876,0.06926723901578803,0.0,0.0,0.0993496336717754,0.0,0.0915284520039094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960427419468974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647633210894837,0.0,0.09760048372546253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632856346973574,0.0,0.0960478424388264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444095033549898,0.08504298109253468,0.0,0.0,0.09589081656218462,0.1545503844967311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374547933795461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913937190648112,0.0746026322868104,0.07810047607064946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065478558599209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508473947375488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957279160748812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536950080117579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077078493726485,0.16529862597796288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062895838243775
suicidewatch,Bishop450,2018/01/06,"Feeling like I’ve hit a dead end. Just turned 20 years old today. No friends. Feelings of emptiness and loneliness won’t go away no matter what. “Girlfriend” lies about what she was doing, and hung out with her ex all day. I just want everything to end.",1.6855782312925172,4.335661673469389,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,85.3265306122449,4.899319727891157,22.452380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.4637319727891152,198,7,40,2,6,60,43,49,0.28300000000000003,0.56,0.157,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,9,2,1,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,6,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725732205407299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871006054854112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5139127427237087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607372560443558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933823979463869,0.20725869151472134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414264578813256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487942010326226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173586130045207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044275913390345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749957313640883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31556253847166105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111773789470205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682497867155864
suicidewatch,slamhood,2018/01/06,"Why? I’ve been having light suicidal thoughts lately. Like when I’m in my car, I think I should swerve into a tree or hope to hit a patch of ice purposely. All to get out of this pain I feel. 
I just now had the urge to see what standing on the top of a building would feel like. Peering over the edge. Wondering what that fear feels like, if I have some. 
I’m lost. Any advice on how I can get past this. My parents are aware and have been helping me through it all. But I just can’t shake these thoughts. I’m scared. ",0.19496969696969652,2.245862709090911,1.3940909090909095,101.3944696969697,85.54545454545455,4.757575757575757,19.166666666666664,5.985473137389443,-0.4308787878787883,398,11,98,3,12,125,77,110,0.159,0.716,0.124,-0.7248,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,3,6,0,11,1,0,1,2,22,27,6,1,4,5,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,6,5,10,4,13,18,3,14,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,5,7,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274756929277947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413478216588798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195780936508533,0.2992021594231661,0.2818267148699525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610692240865847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221056375371165,0.0,0.0,0.19591086221935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250330414643876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890948882117138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153184945422124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988480613697866,0.0,0.2190195460495787,0.0,0.18829466227236466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974787428167033,0.0,0.15718038963558215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575629725689335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263879680274772,0.0,0.3131843066629688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798481502147975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390605044288247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140118670384989,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kingofdespair,2018/01/06,"Whenever I think about suicide lately I feel so happy Whenever I close my eyes I can't imagine a future for myself. Sure there are a million things I could do. I was offered a ridiculously well paying job, I could get a degree in almost anything, I have lots of girls on my phone at least one I know who wants something serious ect. However I do not want  to do anything, I just want to die. I am certainly not afraid of death. I am fairly confident all of forever will feel the same way as closing my eyes for a second. I will simply feel nothing, no thoughts, no pleasure and no pain. 

I have not killed myself simply because I want to be 100% sure It is the right decision to make before I die. After all death has always been something I can take or leave as I please. Talking about suicide feels weird to me in the sense that people generally seem to me to say and feel suicide is always irrational . I do not want to hear I can not think clearly as I do not think that is true. I have always been able to think well rationally and logically. It's the only thing I have ever been truly good at and according to a very long test I took by a psychologist that part of my brain is in the 99% tile.  ",4.812222222222225,5.0211356543209895,5.975736625514402,81.07348148148148,69.0,8.949135802469135,29.36872427983539,8.841846274778883,2.165821069958847,936,32,191,15,15,314,133,243,0.154,0.66,0.18600000000000005,0.8605,2,0,2,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,15,2,1,12,0,29,4,3,1,8,49,51,9,8,7,8,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,8,6,0,0,15,0,1,1,10,6,2,3,6,9,33,9,29,40,6,16,0,0,2,0,7,9,0,4,5,140,41,3,0.10716658895178777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731185865351403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26751356083300576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637794304433402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532775794069316,0.0,0.09119087400573128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963335538908446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711276021065883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224439998191668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693831510989777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709332368486841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599011958946598,0.0,0.0,0.08988625032838515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408082669380233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207845343791103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634630345870248,0.0,0.1185639526240366,0.0,0.058895954639478464,0.0,0.12088858018567035,0.1134739440660456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483905888644603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110920161332292,0.0,0.0,0.0715345302875195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282923239812758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726188541668528,0.08150502000928225,0.11403280645102327,0.0,0.0,0.11605097252693013,0.0,0.07429581924722553,0.0,0.0,0.11763673314638864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151968141653287,0.0,0.08522317288638379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756043768611103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500415172182695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516685634160828,0.0,0.20200648364514995,0.0,0.08057593784519121,0.08613644480120629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239343960652706,0.2746720920124037,0.0,0.08507830100357153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906602349562052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842365927835696,0.3160481537717101,0.08506385011580864,0.0,0.0,0.19271126731518887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plsvanish,2018/01/06,"my ultimate fantasy I wish I could step outside of my own skin and violently murder the body I used to inhibit. I see myself in the mirror and I see a breathing pile of garbage. I want to slit my own throat, rip out my beating heart, butcher my arms and legs and throw the pathetic remaining stump into an incinerator or a meat grinder so it can simply disappear. I should have never been allowed to exist, and I'm repulsed by the shame and ridicule my suicide would bring.",5.486231884057971,6.300286173913044,6.422608695652176,76.32601449275363,67.69565217391305,9.611594202898553,34.89855072463768,9.725611199111238,3.420907246376813,376,18,70,8,6,125,66,92,0.312,0.6509999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9842,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,7,0,6,7,7,2,1,17,13,8,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,1,3,14,0,9,9,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423409684109964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460727991716401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652187475675528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377030115192628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911913490018942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371210204751781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26618603746075226,0.0,0.0,0.18178447641238707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35441504570968024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893659535493992,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,misash02,2018/01/06,"Help me find last extremes So I'm a little afraid of death as is natural, but ultimately keep getting back to suicide. I want to make a list and then complete each item before committing to see if anything will lead me into a happy existence. 

So far I have to give ""God"" 6 months of commitment to heal me. I'm an atheist. Also, I believe I've met my soulmate but it's not the man I married. (No kids) so I may pursue that.

What would you put on your/my list?",0.7381250000000001,2.7991382291666684,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,83.375,5.923333333333334,24.18333333333333,7.1686216300943375,1.0406408333333337,354,14,76,5,10,122,74,96,0.084,0.7170000000000001,0.199,0.8668,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,2,2,16,14,10,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,10,1,10,10,2,10,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,4,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008811237648664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671267145267305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315400063528035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374905333929034,0.2830115528252115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26337392959675593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295883341261295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123939417281866,0.2409698205096791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674025112253155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683711938202713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327429460935064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047580356281616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517640994585682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767509135911002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050202439763806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525210758480993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017046366565705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747673431833817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816174187361714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844222987489813,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirisameluvrr34,2018/01/06,"How can I leave a positive impact before ending my life? All I want to do in life is make others happy. I really hate myself though, and simply can't put up with living with myself. It's just not possible. I'm thinking of ending my life really soon. About to get what I need for it. Thing is that I'm probably just gonna spontaneously disappear from every community I'm in, and want everyone's last memory of me to be a positive one. How can I make sure that the last thing people hear of me is something good, and that if they think back of me they'll be happy that I was there, and not sad that I'm gone?",4.0853125000000015,4.215686906249998,6.045312500000001,80.21843750000002,70.5625,9.8375,23.8125,9.827888789773867,1.870590625,476,10,102,11,8,167,77,128,0.054000000000000006,0.753,0.193,0.9533,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,9,6,1,0,3,0,11,3,0,4,2,22,27,8,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,1,15,4,15,21,1,12,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395416967327105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371707877547322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28555374739716577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581939880414856,0.15403514835413368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422124356529379,0.0,0.0,0.13520835171607995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432044496978162,0.0,0.15915332144289984,0.0,0.0,0.1816860503862459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628018286625428,0.0,0.1706893421834912,0.0,0.0,0.34158461919612443,0.0,0.0,0.14234406910556746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520679515775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195290302755124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923445509785512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117569730978191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173071445764666,0.0,0.0,0.17380271524100005,0.0,0.0,0.1620522493906605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065398949129875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410095703799175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193071014664875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419051516827892,0.2065831019078386,0.15837986808857446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016189808015016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,farmboy50,2018/01/06,A question.  what word or phrase helped you? What was your reason to put suicidal thoughts behind you.  Or increased your understanding of your suffering? ,5.0566,8.629292160000002,3.839500000000001,78.66725000000002,87.4,7.3000000000000025,30.25,8.07648339933343,3.2504,124,6,18,3,4,36,20,25,0.256,0.6759999999999999,0.068,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592923740029447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38888355992964496,0.4333521339724698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977385193601322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42314290880749933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071097349164267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027166860766633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway598589,2018/01/06,"I can do something good in the world. I can end the McSmiths Not a lot of people like me. It's very hard to like me. I'm dense, rude, arrogant, I talk down to people, I turn people down, I am rude to people, I disrespect people. I do all those things to my own fucking girlfriend to the point where she doesn't love me anymore. 

Though it's not too late to good, I can make a sacrifice to the universe that will be great and will benefit many people to come in the next hundreds of years. I can end my fucking line of genetics. 

My great grandfather, my grandfather, my father and I, we're all dense fucking dicks. We're all assholes with barely any friends. All assholes that made people unhappy. All people who lived miserable lives and died from alcoholism one way or another. My grandfather died at 59 by Cardiac Arrest from drinking too much every night and now my father's liver is completely fucked and hes gone in the next 5 years.

I am 17 years old now and I can make change before it's too late. For anonymity, I'll pretend my lastname is McSmith. The McSmith's should no longer exists. We should no longer exist. I will improve the lives, of many fucking people in the future, by simply ending the McSmiths by killing myself. I doubt my dad would create another fuckin kid in the next 5 years and let that kid growup without a dad.

McSmiths shouldn't exist, I lost my girlfriend, she doesn't love me anymore, and it will be nothing but this stupid shit for the rest of my life. I should not waste my time by living my life. I must make a positive sacrifice for the rest of the world by fucking ending it.

Requesting methods that are quick and painless.",4.302801635991823,5.66664980674847,4.728972392638037,85.35159764826177,70.87116564417178,7.519222903885481,28.307259713701434,7.9370924344782425,1.7670842535787323,1311,48,254,17,24,415,153,326,0.151,0.754,0.095,-0.9415,0,0,4,0,0,1,38.0,1,0,0,1,8,25,12,2,18,0,28,16,3,4,6,35,45,12,3,6,6,4,1,2,3,10,3,0,0,2,13,12,2,0,0,2,0,2,9,15,0,1,3,1,39,10,34,29,10,35,2,2,0,10,18,12,9,3,22,166,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021993874237299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104568118490769,0.15742102464362512,0.0,0.0,0.14888543118304126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387341865210576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794071166055803,0.06466046639032548,0.07870253928320706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580790163504302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353354808031151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659355443491297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324414595042238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799379112843634,0.4163693829165752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591922516132664,0.0,0.16551531127209396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724205605843145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304652264356584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693495533768584,0.0,0.0,0.07675740490986792,0.1060389885444419,0.07334436431554467,0.0,0.265129404516685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194056044332414,0.0638162123256011,0.13549528547109796,0.07102679729034657,0.15031619285223552,0.15220499740926002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518023066400726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23949230967807925,0.07044190927465263,0.0,0.07202534992950592,0.0,0.07876640379509474,0.0,0.050864897664475536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683555472801878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095916889473905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770514940909435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778746709677024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603331118379857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498687828166304,0.0,0.07374940237694891,0.0,0.04377006802621492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164741644650297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061935160392066015,0.0,0.059581827346731425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723584320830981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053322880620775066,0.0,0.0,0.1933534558326624
suicidewatch,Ragefox213,2018/01/06,Goodbye mates Nah I’m done I took a lot of pills like 30 and I’m done. I’m pretty sure I’ll be gone in like an hour all the pain is away. I’m just gonna play some Dying Light and hope I fall asleep. Bye mates.,-3.3736764705882365,-1.8800633921568601,-0.6096323529411762,110.78790441176471,104.49019607843138,2.5500000000000003,8.33578431372549,3.1291,-2.632433333333333,161,1,48,0,8,54,38,51,0.086,0.624,0.29,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,2,8,12,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,5,3,6,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,4,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25045239739112474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766587973466789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5455897347276154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26476532862458363,0.2625189143612993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604664257814701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662928346953906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28365052882031816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711987228237285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124018120035296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961703879801523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jessicasean,2018/01/06,"I heard that burning charcoal in a sealed tiny space is the most painless way to do it! Anyone can tell me if this is true? i am really contemplating of doing it! I am so desperate. HELP please! So I came across the internet and did my own research. I found that if you burn enough charcoal in a sealed room or small space it would increase certain amount of CO in the air which can cause you unconscious within minutes and you will feel like sleeping until your brain completely shut down. 

I have read also about those suicide survivors they described the first few minutes to coma is painless cuz they couldn't even recall when they passed out，but the aftermath the sequela can be intolerable if u didn't actually die from it!

And with this method it has a high rate of success than others besides shotgun in the head and jump from height(very high). From my research i learned it is allegedly the least painful way of doing it.

I am really thinking about doing this. Bc i just CAN NOT deal this mentality anymore!

Anyone who attempted this method and didn't die please tell me what was it really like when the first few minutes into unconsciousness. 

Any info would help bc i don't want to do it and fail. ",5.214813768302079,6.857327039301312,5.173573079886978,81.96322630362191,69.0,8.008322630362189,30.064474698176213,8.4952907291091,2.2552299511944516,968,38,178,15,17,301,132,229,0.05,0.779,0.172,0.98,0,0,2,1,0,1,16.0,0,4,3,5,9,7,0,0,12,0,28,5,3,2,2,29,34,17,3,7,6,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,21,9,0,0,5,1,0,4,5,2,0,2,7,2,21,5,23,22,8,28,0,1,0,0,14,16,0,5,8,132,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.13454809801954942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026021578144132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937611124049567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367369709304705,0.1928136585792744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539163707180833,0.0,0.15769459818784087,0.0,0.14163769582857005,0.0,0.0,0.14456144890216616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421451698342795,0.0,0.0,0.2861891905382773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246383492126538,0.0,0.09106648185093698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971477208346731,0.09849938198342008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23455627257386585,0.0,0.15117505328125827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150161634101258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848321416573926,0.2913493167683289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471951058796153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389476231443869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671088723254666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026951634038317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791434736628766,0.0,0.2649826791883614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379766090286434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081509890672815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410212130748965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883460373626493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376299425418325,0.08132344803417724,0.21888074687115025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958877808106821,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Werty1998,2018/01/06,Thinking about killing myself I am 20 years old. I started talking to this girl and started to fall in love with her. My friends (also her friends) told me to tell her how i feel. They were sure that she felt the same way. So i told her how i feel. But the feelings wasnt mutual. And now we dont talk with eachother anymore. Still go to school with her. I have to see her everyday. So everyday i get more depressed and more suicidal. I feel so lonely. I have a piercing loneliness that wont go away. Even tho i have friends to talk to/hangout with. In 5 months i will never see her again. And i think thats the day i’ll kill myself. The loneliness is driving me crazy. Started having a hard time remembering things. This is killing me,0.7902311707680845,3.1972076241610767,2.0517561521252787,95.09614280387771,86.85234899328859,5.190305741983595,23.71401938851604,6.691623216298621,0.6988431021625652,572,23,124,7,18,182,86,149,0.212,0.7090000000000001,0.079,-0.9697,0,2,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,1,0,12,10,3,0,6,0,12,1,0,2,2,23,30,12,4,0,1,0,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,8,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,5,8,28,5,14,23,3,22,0,2,2,1,21,3,0,0,14,86,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485487152029356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003364284547184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318950595443333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456014537231113,0.0,0.11293158433929992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366910594293928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660208205299344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651884333101006,0.0,0.12589366710424396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039039023332845,0.0,0.06850364811031014,0.0,0.149034554930089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745581058159606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351873160127653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833894974272598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046569912282126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112614424172447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758609338641875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148530927672416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269823165625869,0.2089678498054177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784175988881894,0.0,0.1047108586640702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342161138638967,0.0,0.12357699155756045,0.0,0.0,0.31616260587047273,0.11460275200589315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710885198624795,0.16803000667711107,0.0,0.0,0.07645585397869521,0.0,0.0,0.25057738767037835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407522073479997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443557579442326
suicidewatch,bashfulwolf22,2018/01/06,"Just a post. Hello im a 14 year old boy going on 15 soon I've been thinking a lot about suicide for the past year and a half, I just dont know what to do )= im not posting this to find help im posting this beacause I need to get it off my chest.",-2.4647857142857137,-0.9271177166666628,0.9295238095238112,103.66500000000002,92.83333333333331,3.428571428571429,16.9047619047619,3.1291,-1.2495238095238088,187,5,53,0,7,67,43,60,0.083,0.867,0.05,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,8,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,7,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814933364715516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012440773513055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972480779136725,0.0,0.1057850523984684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476265284713585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6031746050065179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229516256753454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582456833832498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801706027015728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195317818810682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768732630032524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347988581394604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036019456387012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926806551132615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397302240114143
suicidewatch,i_lie_for_your_karma,2018/01/06,die what is the point in any of this im an ugly dude with average iq and bad personality and the only friends that ever reply to me are the ones i made on the internet i will leave no impact and im not enjoying myself in the capitalism rat race i live in im trapped because i need to eat ,0.6091145833333336,2.2804850156250005,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,81.65625,7.3916666666666675,23.166666666666664,8.344100000000001,1.3845604166666663,227,8,52,5,6,84,47,64,0.28,0.677,0.043,-0.9449,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,6,2,8,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628243827262188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960818633671322,0.13112929413439667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325061811550134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011162625641129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457965856533016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619374987298755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6970683868927856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22777083826349803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994641099008336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354264747081247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950162484901578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457643639996481,0.16360114106364596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782609101746148,0.0,0.0,0.203348843678282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mangoesandkiwis,2018/01/06,"This sucks I just can’t do it anymore. Anxiety sucks. I hate my major, my lack of sex life and my self most days. Can’t sleep because of tinnitus. I hate existing.",-0.5752941176470578,1.6381614705882368,1.985529411764705,92.9388823529412,96.05882352941177,6.249411764705883,21.50588235294117,7.554174236665415,1.1837247058823523,126,5,28,3,5,43,25,34,0.416,0.584,0.0,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,7,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25723952708628245,0.0,0.3334815703606435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498220805464773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686118647151775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6639782620343232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751181118440196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507946258488292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365048672557297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,azerbajani,2018/01/06,i want out As i said in the title. I'm done with this live i have right now. i just want to run away and stop caring about my past and future. My goal is to travel to australia and backpack and hike/travel trough asia and do whatever i want. Ofcourse i'm not planning on going back,0.12571428571428456,2.306800333333335,1.9128571428571417,96.61500000000002,87.33333333333334,4.095238095238095,16.9047619047619,5.288315135182226,-0.7090238095238095,220,5,49,1,7,72,43,60,0.039,0.835,0.126,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,12,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,10,10,0,13,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282780164287562,0.2314346705649909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30686867727731626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080065442115623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710535958446125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26577042811195617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873190059517868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570348633812757,0.28630044471440474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25163235356191505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325765525137038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,420blayneit,2018/01/06,"tomorrow's my birthday and i couldn't dread it more tomorrow i'm turning 15. i should be excited that i'm getting older but instead i'm crying in our basement and drinking my mom's vodka. i feel like static and i miss all my old friends and memories. 

in october i came out to my mom as transgender (ftm). it could not have gone worse. she screamed and cried at me, mourning the loss of the daughter she thought she had. she took my phone away for a week and told me that if i don't answer the phone when i'm home alone she'll call the cops (fear of me harming myself despite being good at hiding my depression.) it was traumatizing and i felt like i was killing my mom. parts of things she said pop into my head at random and inconvenient times and i have to excuse myself to the bathroom to cry and throw a pity party for myself.

i also came out to one of my friends in september. she looked shocked and didn't really know what to say. needless to say, we don't talk anymore and knowing that it's because i'm trans hurts me so badly.

my family is highly transphobic. after i'm done with school i'm forcing myself to cut them off so that i can be myself. it's either be miserable for others or be happy for myself and i know what i have to do. the thought that i'm leaving everyone i love behind is constantly in the back of my mind and i feel like such a shitty person.

my parents are abusive but as much as i say i don't care about them, i do. that's the thing about abuse. these people gaslight you so that you think you're the one in the wrong and don't get help.

i haven't been eating. it's a mixture of no appetite and trying to make my body present as masculine as possible. in the past months i've lost 10 pounds without trying and i was already underweight before. my hands shake when i hold them out in front of me and i'm always too weak to get out of bed. one of my older friends has got me into drinking and now it's become a habit that only drives me further into this hole i'm in.

being a teenager is hard enough. hormones + abusive parents, drinking, being transgender and likely (something i've suspected for a long time) autistic has left me a wreck. im having trouble breathing as i type this out and the medicine cabinet has never looked so tempting

reddit, is this it?",2.4039024390243924,4.206779819532913,3.821878721971935,88.12264874941745,76.70700636942675,6.4634871316866045,25.500543731551968,7.313800181584829,1.198245052042878,1809,66,370,22,41,596,230,471,0.238,0.6779999999999999,0.084,-0.998,2,1,5,0,1,0,40.0,2,2,3,2,14,32,2,4,20,0,38,10,4,1,2,60,75,38,2,4,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,5,2,1,25,33,4,1,11,4,0,8,11,20,0,3,18,12,65,12,58,46,6,51,0,8,2,1,36,24,0,3,23,254,90,2,0.0,0.2897558647615881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442787829616533,0.08995694278617553,0.0651897721786864,0.06782935751219978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084377415903253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658867643951271,0.06268217272397611,0.0680639757176907,0.049692507195130686,0.09003002900841495,0.06936566178765717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054792249897224,0.0,0.0,0.08323880970522521,0.18646934176243746,0.08311285161258172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809180500312942,0.0,0.06508534707931593,0.0,0.2686304964871269,0.0,0.0,0.07021117996823101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834210334918792,0.0,0.23956929191313103,0.0,0.08341308205524384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422970040824525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789377154594511,0.0,0.0,0.07684774694665912,0.0917302121767206,0.0824357194914039,0.11647269553632332,0.07826989207341382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894139938444612,0.0,0.12776909119160154,0.0,0.0,0.06837328085316506,0.06519724842495299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867772365072549,0.07302395608195726,0.0,0.08366080246451987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054639677242370295,0.08612805375871642,0.08176902124132654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726651360853384,0.0,0.0880532354468044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018739131077792,0.0,0.13440018800323705,0.0,0.0,0.08631560242861748,0.08856935127431177,0.0,0.0,0.15930195929711866,0.0,0.0,0.07214070656416191,0.13690887807512653,0.0,0.0889863314403216,0.0,0.07357301631999298,0.0,0.05441377866113156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230976131434474,0.28641806095842554,0.0650667471730536,0.0,0.0599249781580033,0.0,0.06287156913974293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553924059770761,0.0,0.16571575607100306,0.06199797637211786,0.0,0.0,0.18103178696389868,0.08827585652842627,0.07781798428897696,0.0565141931835861,0.07117821720105014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189909514873026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222240365714563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754211537419567,0.19447872996160984,0.0,0.08250038710420649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275640137617372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552093685708242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831363642711406,0.05223332829292545,0.0,0.12943208884062965,0.09506739420558877,0.0,0.0,0.07789377154594511,0.09056929880592414,0.11069049927719052,0.08866798105658323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538867910413959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858027068660547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307362408628419,0.0,0.08912694062296903,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bimse47,2018/01/06,"My mom hates me My mom has been placing us in some form of family therapy lately, because she thinks that we have some problems at home. I agree but not the kind that she thinks.

At this therapy we sit down with a therapist and tell him all about what we think is wrong and what is good at home. The last time we were there she said that she wanted to start. She said that she had “lost hope” she didn’t believe the therapy could save us. Then she proceeded to say that the night before she had talked with my dad. She wanted a divorce. Not because of him, or that she didn’t love him, it was because she didn’t want to be near me anymore. I’m 13 now, and if they start talking some more about divorce, I’m killing myself before it’s too late. ",2.7256277056277085,4.0385870389610385,3.3604545454545445,93.8273484848485,74.71428571428572,6.691774891774893,23.222943722943725,7.1686216300943375,0.5693047619047622,580,16,132,6,12,182,90,154,0.118,0.7609999999999999,0.12,0.0864,0,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,6,0,1,1,5,10,2,0,6,0,14,1,0,0,1,28,30,7,1,7,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,11,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,11,3,29,5,15,17,6,18,0,1,0,1,34,7,0,6,10,93,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685713843415715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548687896554394,0.0,0.20053177443575665,0.1327556964282155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940788266356936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108100650562566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883143172086947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163341644335932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638910810933825,0.11703321920585474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303630437971279,0.12270332518675625,0.0,0.09604836038576173,0.26583802116128563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286269494471347,0.0,0.1063474861553496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760055456558374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057683586991612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310878851603728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127487863738765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416938855265856,0.09370430028380752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680341683803845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894169159787623,0.10298988294900632,0.0,0.4042516044825396,0.13681139798840794,0.0,0.22650491044106685,0.0,0.0,0.06870846741644762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834734578458107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850013043740315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883019560792652,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myfakeaccount28,2018/01/06,"I made a bad mistake (18 M, if it helps) Sorry for any mistakes, I’m not in the best frame of mind rn. I’m on my work break, and I’ve determined that I’m going to kill myself when I get home in a few hours. I messed up badly, like, really badly. I’ve been suicidal for a few years, and have relapsed badly. I thought I was over the hump, but I’m just not. Something happened (which I’m not going to go into detail about), and it’s finally throwing me over the edge. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t go on. I honestly just don’t know anything anymore. I’m so scared about what could happen as a result of my screw up, and I just don’t know anything anymore. I’m done. It’s too much. ",0.2551428571428573,1.8212000000000008,2.905904761904761,93.31200000000001,82.33333333333334,5.61904761904762,21.38095238095238,6.5431188927421005,0.263495238095238,520,16,123,5,14,182,86,150,0.205,0.743,0.052000000000000005,-0.9497,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,2,1,7,0,10,2,0,2,0,22,28,9,2,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,7,10,0,0,5,0,13,3,18,22,4,19,0,0,0,2,1,9,1,1,5,74,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683840949032144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236742859739494,0.0,0.0,0.23436982765112294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755997042891469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944237015849185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369660491501987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572693720093965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559946983624214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439929535322047,0.0,0.32372190900620496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518516691696089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544922282644257,0.0,0.14284106207551453,0.0,0.14023752615612234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575469849716224,0.0,0.15652109895321006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695705436829002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474444695670434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378567270144765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468203477303033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122652429099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425694890894684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962820501609946,0.0,0.15940765415540595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576494274273334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130514757054707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036705300513088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170237666368992
suicidewatch,siriuslysrs,2018/01/06,"Need some help This is my first time posting here. I have been mentally going downhill for a few years now. About 3 years ago my dad got sick with cancer and went through all the treatments, radiation, surgeries, chemotherapy and eventually when all else failed, immunotherapy. He ended up in the ICU on a ventilator for a few weeks until he ultimately passed away. This whole experience broke me. He was my person. My mom and I aren't very close. I have no other close family members. I definitely felt myself slipping once he got sick and then watching him get worse and worse. He died in April and I've been functioning but I feel fucking terrible most days. I wake up feeling so shitty, like complete despair. I feel like this planet and most of the people on it suck to be frank. I never had a clear cut direction or passions to follow so I find myself thinking about my purpose a lot. I do wish I could end my life some days.

I go to therapy. I have tried some medications but honestly I haven't found anything that works. I don't enjoy anything really so I don't have hobbies. I do have a fiance. He is a saint. He's my only real support. He's been getting me through.
I just need to know of anyone who has been this bad and came back. What meds have worked for you, what have you done to get yourself out of this?

I had a difficult childhood too and therapy has brought up a ton of emotional baggage that's contributing to my mental state.",2.6466456335184247,5.019782053003539,3.9461320040383647,84.77271643109543,78.29328621908127,7.011055022715801,25.65484603735487,8.07648339933343,1.7137128722867243,1143,44,221,21,28,374,166,283,0.172,0.721,0.107,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,0,4,11,15,3,0,12,0,27,8,1,0,4,41,51,18,1,4,4,2,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,12,14,0,0,8,0,0,7,6,9,0,1,15,5,34,6,28,34,12,38,1,3,1,2,16,11,2,7,20,150,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103757370327755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184377211824474,0.0,0.192643625052332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997191227545806,0.09000388465363156,0.09773149132112632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387351138360815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272423404245215,0.0,0.0,0.0934545472277104,0.0,0.0,0.15097456259502307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147896090820515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197823360264268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977798857919772,0.13166499770992598,0.20734233153181936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449692725124187,0.11034390563543688,0.0,0.17755131960204332,0.08362022724157278,0.11238593098948453,0.0,0.10698117499272364,0.09956229378608897,0.0,0.1283387982146277,0.0,0.10821042976620572,0.18346068820153652,0.0,0.13304392183248184,0.0,0.18723044757282647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845585107092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432737567313022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267556400514844,0.11436900275308365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099511348026111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001567141124634,0.11791511490935945,0.235916847152722,0.0,0.0,0.13708702703896808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358152746349256,0.0902758345943835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465395861736933,0.0,0.08902146290822945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114742523344176,0.10220315876772433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210112056662848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322802180601442,0.07498494373816234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282645071281055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26771273986572564,0.0,0.0,0.07500063017045848,0.0,0.0,0.06825253824623942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946896618491363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965781433310698,0.0,0.0,0.09389009467904402,0.0,0.0,0.10850611244064856,0.0,0.13068165083050698,0.1346012145145042,0.0,0.0,0.17042694377801795,0.0,0.2385669977633407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075215477569565
suicidewatch,Heavymetal56,2018/01/06,I don't care anymore I want to kill myself. My feelings don't matter and I don't matter. Why am I even telling a bunch of strangers that I want to kill myself? It's stupid. I'm stupid and I should just get rid of my self. It doesn't matter.,-1.7444444444444436,0.17760150000000507,0.3721296296296313,104.41708333333335,98.8148148148148,2.7,14.157407407407408,3.1291,-1.6317703703703703,187,4,47,0,8,61,32,54,0.441,0.5589999999999999,0.0,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,12,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,10,1,4,11,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869820853815144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950369366831216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911293536203084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631661457956205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118641115284906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6403007752352429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30188106994294656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25292636614199904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34136155786470873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611157850336305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeahwhateverimdone,2018/01/06,"Took a whole bunch of pills. Will probably die soon. Ama? Haven't written a note or anything. Was thinking about doing this for a long time, and I just did it I guess. I don't have any friends or anyone worth contacting. Good bye and good night if I don't reply again.",-0.4764444444444465,1.7010748909090945,0.7387878787878783,100.65040404040407,100.0909090909091,3.8989898989898992,17.02020202020202,5.82211442006289,-0.529040404040404,209,6,47,2,9,65,43,55,0.119,0.7390000000000001,0.142,0.0634,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,12,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,3,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858551289427347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109952120873636,0.0,0.22490473959477555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836449330922001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115289830318384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584664811103927,0.0,0.0,0.3010736084837966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418641863501983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564759608905719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946664102203402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512126023738195,0.0,0.0,0.1593649344667699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036492267305438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30513257463740584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,edgar-shmedgar,2018/01/06,"my life is spiraling out of control hey guys. i dont want to be here anymore. i will try to make this as short as possible. i am 19 years old. i live with my parents and go to college locally. my first year of college, i freaked out about struggling in some classes and dropped two classes a few days before finals. it totally trashed my gpa. thinking the next semester would be better, i went in with a positive attitude and did the same thing. i lost my scholarship, and didnt have the heart to tell my parents. i pretended to go to school the next semester, all while not actually being enrolled. this semester ive been able to scrape together enough money to enroll in 2 classes and start on tuesday. its left me with absolutely no money. up until about a month ago, i was in a loving relationship. my boyfriend lived with me in my parents basement. we were together for two years. he had been apparently living a double life of some sort. he was getting some pretty hard drugs from a female coworker i believe he was cheating with. the drugs drastically changed his personality and caused him to become violent and hateful with me. i had to ask him to leave when things got physical. this happened pretty much overnight it seemed. my parents hate each other. they come home and stare at their phones without speaking or they scream at each other. it makes me sick. they treat me and my brother horribly because of this. i have no car. i have no means to get a car. i have no escape from anything. i reconnected with an old friend from high school. we really hit it off and i started having feelings for him. one thing lead to another and i started feeling happy again. the next day, he told me he wasnt actually interested. hes been basically ignoring me since then and ive made a pathetic fool of myself trying to get his attention. any attention, really. im lonely. im so busy with work that i have no time or desire for the things i love. my mother constantly puts me down. i understand that my situation is one that will surely get better, but i dont care at this point. the only thing keeping me here is my cats, honestly. i dont want to be here. i dont feel like i belong. i am shy and anxious and i cant make friends or meet new people. 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suicidewatch,rucaweetsa,2018/01/06,"Add an interesting title i'm so tired and i can't do shit and i'm so fucking tired. it's like every time i meet the slightest problem or feel a little bit of stress there is a voice appearing in my head that says ""just kill yourself already"" and i know that's not me, that's just some mental disorder but it's still tiring. (not the real voice tho. i have problems but i'm not hallucinating yet.)
i mean, everything is more or less fine with my life. my relatives are still alive and i have some wonderful friends and girlfriend and that is already a lot. but it just doesn't help 
i know i should go see a doctor and try some medication and therapy and all that, but all i can do is lie on my couch and be miserable on reddit and even that i can do only with the most basic english because i no longer can remember any tenses besides simple and continious because i'm slowly falling apart and now i'm hysterical again.
i don't know. i know that i will never have the balls to actually kill myself, but i just don't know what else i can. shit sucks, guys. please, take care of yourselves. try not to fall into this pit, because it's just sad and boring down here and nothing much else",2.2482644628099173,4.202752504132235,3.766942148760332,87.64768595041325,77.67768595041322,6.7140495867768575,23.8099173553719,7.686295010490155,1.1101504132231408,934,31,195,14,22,309,133,242,0.187,0.6920000000000001,0.121,-0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,16,17,6,2,9,0,22,10,3,0,3,57,42,25,2,3,16,0,1,1,2,2,6,3,1,1,13,19,0,0,9,1,0,4,10,12,0,0,0,5,22,5,11,39,11,18,0,2,1,1,6,7,4,9,8,131,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.11038230913076563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496467806277068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692095426294791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068585379575062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349047799076701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532659509777154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963769446812293,0.11577630289624605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898337278656308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471029839203554,0.0,0.09530287274312996,0.0,0.1016589820069728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057193506533106536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739109071277003,0.10457146591174976,0.0,0.0,0.06428492136446444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119999964294011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608692644014347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581749165552454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502863169490349,0.0,0.3108206846109325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798953016061218,0.05526146739549288,0.11336928887156525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616492199899344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321359436561395,0.0,0.11394979620601214,0.11399164846373652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315132447247985,0.0,0.08723998583442967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853530639803456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602779689568572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416448686764298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646839211507268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874775168048014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813537115726287,0.0,0.0,0.0899522729647913,0.0,0.0,0.09013669211642923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322184488592396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066492883836016,0.0,0.12957095594415832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504715924045017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935496934766252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659573018241168,0.3900214555613459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359307427948082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266659890151295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bag_of_Flesh,2018/01/06,"Why does killing yourself hurt people around you so much? I hope I don't offend anyone, this is an honest question.

Why does killing yourself hurt people around you so much? Why isn't it seen as a personal choice like choosing a career, or a partner, or moving abroad? Why would those who love you rather see you suffering and being miserable than knowing you finally did something to be better? Is it cultural (""if my son killed himself I must be sad because if not I'm a bad person"")? Religious (""he'll burn forever in hell"")?

We are all going to die anyway... what is so bad about doing it some years before your time? Why can't people just be grateful of the time they spent with you and not sad you decided it was enough?

I would like some opinions on this. Thank you.",3.3048307692307723,5.311165093333333,4.014000000000003,86.83546153846157,74.73333333333333,6.748717948717951,25.538461538461537,7.61054688173877,1.3732307692307697,604,21,116,8,13,192,100,150,0.202,0.625,0.173,-0.8562,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,9,1,1,9,20,5,1,6,0,17,1,0,0,2,26,27,10,4,7,8,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,3,9,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,5,13,0,0,4,2,17,7,11,15,6,10,1,6,2,1,21,4,1,9,6,80,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248450342115217,0.0,0.0,0.21002933084235395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969932059970316,0.07191092059477687,0.0,0.10038029631366936,0.0,0.0,0.10433125632351342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242998468049783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646551634990495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189031384539782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292258824882307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704274217529921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716676078373715,0.0,0.0,0.2525698816541586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39153538639533103,0.0,0.06483097615684341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526436471221148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064688347023808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537908773617262,0.1734370265940686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453481151118673,0.2060065556814591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132148811047211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400355296127903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908159167428402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086071558431198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757373539285486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532229402916162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675991882058236,0.0,0.0,0.07596617497282948
suicidewatch,poeticgoon,2018/01/06,"Feeling Lonely and Suicidal Hey guys,

I've been super depressed for about 2 weeks. I feel like my life is fucked.

I have bipolar type 1 and the manic phase hit me really hard to the point where I had a deep paranoid delirium, which made not go out for around 14 days and made me stalk everyone on IG like a crazy creepy fuck. I also spent the day dancing like a clown in my apartment with the curtains open during this episode and yea... word got around. Very humiliating. Everyone knows in my hometown and now thinks I'm a sick voyeur when I'm not. Everytime, I go out, I get stares and people laughing at me, making comments. It's fucked up, it's been two months and nobody has gotten over it.

I have no job, I'm only going back to college in september. I am very lonely, only two guy friends and two girl friends, and one of them lives far away. I will see some of them next week but these past few weeks i've seen no one and it's really hard.",3.0379965457685687,4.413707341968916,3.918155440414509,89.88828670120901,74.02590673575129,7.011951640759933,23.74749568221071,7.554174236665415,0.879000967184802,739,21,160,9,15,237,125,193,0.161,0.7609999999999999,0.078,-0.9174,1,4,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,2,1,8,13,3,0,8,1,9,6,0,3,0,28,32,13,1,0,3,0,4,3,2,1,3,0,1,3,7,16,0,0,4,1,1,4,4,6,0,5,9,7,17,7,20,21,2,33,0,3,3,3,9,18,3,1,14,88,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435341437107972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006522651744106,0.0,0.0,0.1108517928920228,0.09072400192615744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218250368173405,0.0,0.1016212257785872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22548148453274364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193146001313002,0.08428926914127442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231148386393545,0.3272286505072575,0.0616428498015161,0.0,0.2011626009318021,0.0,0.09436423523052373,0.0,0.0,0.23364951021049415,0.0,0.0,0.21138468066219526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708296497878178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484205628382554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333704769426968,0.17292609645674006,0.0,0.10418385790288842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232825369086225,0.07875661524690139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417535224650812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254795197377681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159900823680602,0.17946743973188467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263105042021593,0.08179668234891503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153496885814207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116979019992458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401961891254687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905760631530555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560070703873945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457657273744797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470172193815746,0.0,0.0,0.28392391606060524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,succccculent,2018/01/06,"It hurts so much. This is my first post so sorry if it's bad or whatever. 
I just keep getting hurt and stepped on and blown off. Its bad enough to just have depression but its 10x worse when you persevere and try to make friends and try to stay positive yet everyone hurts you. I feel like an idiot for being overemotional and trusting anyone who talks to me but i'm so, so desperate for company I can't help it. I'm convinced this is just fate and I should just commit suicide. I'm way too sensitive for this life, I really think tonight should be the night i finally go through with it. I'm starting to think that it's not other people hurting me, I'm just generally so unlikable and repulsive that everyone hates me and there's nothing I can do. I just want to be loved and validated. :(",2.4137735849056625,4.557545220125789,4.054691823899372,84.87222641509437,77.93081761006289,8.265157232704402,26.952201257861642,9.029198982220553,2.3123514465408808,626,26,129,16,15,209,97,159,0.233,0.596,0.171,-0.9068,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,2,0,2,15,14,2,0,2,0,11,2,0,1,1,31,27,19,1,4,11,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,14,10,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,9,0,1,0,1,14,5,13,22,2,14,0,5,0,1,7,2,0,2,8,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993281388217606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23721993466228616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235173855923315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678075896082696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271479225271372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182726172468752,0.10148409982567942,0.0,0.155614277382725,0.0,0.12083188595351915,0.0,0.0,0.10975131838434413,0.0,0.0742178593613303,0.0,0.08073311380416147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402498743512412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521645282053803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082911389803329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626498545471848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033762723944764,0.06940088346583069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821015772518116,0.0,0.0948227963663219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442674890342693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330896742518125,0.0,0.1363055761322865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984830306571237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604939481076056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910040520909196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901891007242425,0.10054723978460617,0.15141169830843434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538508206321927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141784049224227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204617926279898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289200145449475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837877025447539,0.11275662404222025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476615177201316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheEndofMe89,2018/01/06,"This is It I’ve reached the point where life is meaningless. Nothing matters anymore. It’s just the same shit day in and day out. Loneliness, sadness, and emptiness are all I have left.",2.7270000000000003,5.513166771428577,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,81.28571428571428,5.7857142857142865,31.607142857142854,7.1686216300943375,2.0422857142857143,147,8,28,2,4,44,29,35,0.38,0.5870000000000001,0.033,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,1,7,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697352373546389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808734837511007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40506780461950104,0.0,0.26333235083373857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577288877781093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524334778132767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826922786181856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joslaud,2018/01/07,"Im just exhausted Im not sure if this is the right subreddit to post it. If it isnt im sorry and i will change it as soon as i can 
Last year at the beginning of Winter i had a hard time. Mostly because of school. My notes were pretty bad and i felt overall really exhausted. I kinda hoped that it would be just temporary so i was waiting for the Christmas Holidays. I hoped after some free time with the family and my friends i would feel better but sadly it wasnt like this. My brother is not often at home anymore because of his work. I hoped that i would feel better when i see him again but when he came over Christmas it didnt helped at all. He made me even more depressed. Dont get me wrong. He is the best brother i could have but it seems like his live is perfect and mine is just falling apart. I realised that I was still pretty messed up because sometimes i just started to cry when i was alone in my room. And when i was at a party i almost started to cry there so i ran out. Its now in the middle of the night and i  tomorrow i i have school again. These last days were already hard enough. Everytime I had dinner with my parents i was always on the verge of breaking down and falling in tears. But today was even harder. I realised that these two weeks of holidays didnt helped me at all. I feel even more exhausted and the next week will be horrible since i will get all my classtests back and friday i have a oral exam in english. 
I still have a little hope that things will get better but i dont think i can endure this much longer. Im not sure if im really suicidal. I definetly thought about it but i always couldnt convince myself to do it because i dont want to hurt my family. And in addition to that my problems all seem actually pretty normal and that it would be ""pathetic"" to kill myself only because my overall life is not so good. But this thought makes it even more worse. If im falling apart emotionally only because my grades are not good then what will happen with me when i  have an actual crisis?  I will try too sleep now since i have school tomorrow so i may cant respond very soon too any comments.",1.7521768707483003,3.767459195011341,3.301825396825397,90.09178571428572,79.49886621315194,6.2861678004535175,22.744897959183675,7.35660576581511,0.8530489795918368,1679,54,354,23,42,553,192,441,0.193,0.68,0.127,-0.9853,1,1,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,6,31,29,1,0,14,0,50,6,1,2,7,75,77,34,2,17,20,3,6,2,1,11,4,0,2,0,27,17,1,1,9,2,1,5,14,11,0,1,19,7,58,19,36,42,12,62,0,3,1,0,14,22,0,16,35,256,85,6,0.0,0.0,0.13081199494428986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711510252205337,0.069416907247574,0.07396292409194526,0.0,0.11153908671185372,0.0,0.0,0.045578786851769935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647004384801973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153750938514692,0.055962447294031575,0.2451441561113208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033781298068484,0.17783250148878835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665788400030901,0.0,0.0,0.07090276705621615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535134080419766,0.0,0.1472459779466281,0.04322509504230329,0.0,0.057727886403830024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565575769306815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753932575386552,0.0,0.06925396467052605,0.0,0.17707553415951174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263689916088669,0.0,0.10166842059706936,0.0,0.06435378867722383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051782767576242825,0.0,0.1050522094282816,0.0,0.0,0.11243351819281856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059269320963451826,0.0,0.12008112221913746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984988095675671,0.0,0.06723078534939189,0.26628080463124604,0.0,0.0,0.07175084348007225,0.0,0.4343861341452594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415239970332503,0.0,0.0,0.10926741510051986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734120835156342,0.06548932388241216,0.06717590418015412,0.059183638733454426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341996383070565,0.044739205846907465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927053402923131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128104789064009,0.06289771619720065,0.06566953223200778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194992133436244,0.0,0.0,0.07442249537796514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419070216270926,0.2045632669417525,0.0,0.06413315330586576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587489876736837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057238341392338986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034963510303598,0.05340964782436766,0.12203271585372592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088630075098156,0.0,0.06707265189308989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628869486287843,0.07502815803698296,0.0948802151053109,0.0,0.10705130171636827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331364859889365,0.0,0.12633912067200762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452793203646058,0.04294643165878035,0.0,0.10641953211700964,0.07816475575387813,0.0,0.06353114995861017,0.0,0.0,0.04550506465742482,0.0,0.06547295107979792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530202376797346,0.03953263788074257,0.0,0.10752561746229744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879445064089858,0.0,0.06830343453246937,0.19044841042146834,0.0732804933079277,0.0,0.043161418095913534
suicidewatch,Bbsbnsnsnsp,2018/01/07,"Im super desperate to get out there and live a life but I’m stuck in my house because I’m ugly... I'm a 6 foot tall male lanky, slim build...aged 27. Some say I look younger others say I don't. I'm a virgin and never kissed, and it used tinder and no matches (pics below) because I put it down to only chiseled 10/10 hunks get laid. I'd love to be at least a little attractive and dress up nice and go out on nights out with friends and meet people, but in ugly so I'll just get humiliated and ridiculed. My friends go out and at times take girls home etc. It's not all about that, but going dry does have its toll on me. the worst is when a girl thinks I'm checking her out like at work etc and gives me a snotty look like 'ewwww no', but if a good looking guy did the same thing? different story. Iv cried so many times, imagining women Iv met in professional capacities that Iv liked and that they're probably getting banged by at least 9/10s. Seeing myself in reflections just makes me want to go home and stay there. It's ok for girls who can put makeup on and fake tan, then again all sorts of girls get liked, but men don't have that option, men need to be the 6,3"" channing Tatum hunk muscles 6 packs abs to get laid, or you will die alone and unloved. I wish I could just die, constant heartache Is too much recently. The only easing of the pain is to drink alot of scotch and smoke weed. Anyways rant over. Thanks for reading. 

Edit; pics are on my account history if it helps ",3.0155072463768136,4.1880859215686295,3.75098323387326,91.8663810741688,73.77124183006535,6.75964762716681,23.10826939471441,7.079830092131019,0.538212446717818,1156,30,260,11,23,367,188,306,0.161,0.6759999999999999,0.163,-0.094,1,1,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,0,2,12,19,1,0,13,1,14,10,1,2,3,50,45,27,2,6,12,0,0,4,2,1,5,2,2,9,13,21,1,0,3,2,2,6,6,5,0,0,3,6,14,14,36,38,11,39,0,0,4,3,21,23,0,7,13,139,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306373591346823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330939643106858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179703763498098,0.0,0.08716069434077472,0.0,0.11991444897928485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265955139615821,0.11405592384842032,0.0,0.0,0.09553247906291397,0.0,0.0,0.10694176576298448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434993636587675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868378008337254,0.0,0.3422104422360501,0.10472260680809857,0.2481677125134145,0.09156381429841952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080921556931371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731721104782173,0.0,0.21900612001881908,0.0,0.0,0.12596366763599962,0.0,0.0,0.11791872494960128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710763978285283,0.21333326171345404,0.10941367155533753,0.09639616003479118,0.0,0.27501749802230424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852717201278753,0.0,0.0728695926600766,0.11067785796980263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025005533491616,0.08094569449673708,0.08419605742957675,0.0,0.0,0.10244551443811403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605232700784225,0.1161610221325682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568241607419289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177001223733978,0.0,0.0,0.21948528891182326,0.0,0.0,0.10919620117504182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778890592373473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362741793283434,0.0,0.0,0.08699169346898104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635713354288618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207974170492499,0.0,0.0,0.10050599272066048,0.0,0.0,0.07252547755531398,0.06994958721189425,0.0,0.0,0.12731191366359926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428494302092917,0.0,0.0,0.06438932396353995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255362704568012,0.0,0.0,0.0794746280128768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bdrum_16,2018/01/07,"The point of Really..what's the reason to keep going on? Just 24 pointless years, unable to trust people cause they all stab me in the back..i should had off myself long ago. Why do i live? I'm just someone meant to be used by others and discarded . i should have never been born in the first place. I just hate and feel bitter. Why can't i just die already.",0.8256756756756758,3.0102836621621663,2.2093918918918938,95.69760135135138,84.0,4.781081081081081,14.655405405405405,5.985473137389443,-0.7998864864864865,277,4,61,2,8,89,57,74,0.166,0.752,0.08199999999999999,-0.7659,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,2,0,4,0,8,0,0,3,2,16,15,2,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,7,1,9,9,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054811560203628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255802593938444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824374506149618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381276000220849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24057700422360503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720757857015415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717322401849666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174012975301988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288594577151669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603894465681266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468807166024572,0.2051401403394592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787823148809592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607044077193929,0.0,0.24218689941108676,0.0,0.21913066148441904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23833415847421016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640763366383954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020510325914195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183359350977178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927482711839873
suicidewatch,Burguerpants,2018/01/07,"How can I help a friend that has stress? My friend has stress, and he's a really young guy. I can see that this stress is interfeiring in his health, and I would like to do something to help. Any suggestions?",1.9871428571428569,4.0607850952380975,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,79.0,7.057142857142857,17.642857142857142,8.07648339933343,0.2306000000000004,162,3,38,3,4,50,30,42,0.165,0.5479999999999999,0.287,0.7399,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,4,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857868187347306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376050957766906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633652362695435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322415104093749,0.0,0.0,0.29289451960314683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674173328568863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399683947969982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410588611931865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820200045804018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7508285106861505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520692705877245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katieisahoe,2018/01/07,"HELP my family is poor. its sunday night and im gonna kill myself, but tomorrow my mum has a job trial thats shes so excited for and shes been wanting a job for ages, but if im dead i wont have to worry about that",-2.0608974358974343,-0.44442734615384616,2.0861538461538487,95.54217948717951,91.69230769230772,5.7743589743589725,14.435897435897436,7.1686216300943375,-0.32824102564102553,166,3,44,3,6,63,39,52,0.193,0.639,0.16899999999999998,-0.3292,2,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,9,6,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,26,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572607313689639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829154905334204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.589545969803693,0.0,0.5416115422105842,0.0,0.30191742986263737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25609308524693475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096029895724245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771377015931977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xrandomuserxx,2018/01/07,"I think it's time. I didn't want to actually do it but I feel like I have to now. I ruined my life. I did something terrible and horrible all because I'm mentally fucked up. I have no sense of identity, I have issues with my gender, I probably have personality issues, I'm depressed, I'm always anxious, I'm always paranoid. And now it seems like everything I did is coming back to get me and I see no way out of it except to end it. Because if everyone finds out the truth then the idea that everyone thinks I'm crazy will finally come true. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have no other choice. I wanted it to be okay. But I know it's not going to be. So I think it's about time now. ",0.540618101545256,2.4041621788079475,3.496264900662254,87.92594260485653,82.84105960264901,6.940573951434878,21.987196467991165,8.021203637495839,1.1218552759381897,543,18,122,11,15,194,80,151,0.248,0.639,0.113,-0.9734,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,2,1,15,2,0,0,3,28,36,8,0,3,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,10,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,3,3,20,6,15,30,1,16,0,2,1,1,1,3,1,2,12,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.14527115271085447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24773587018296975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817552498437888,0.14763447181820347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446830085291948,0.0,0.18149392774868914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564687149629385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821754771062335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185055554361802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28449453132881874,0.13379061931083305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505416345620626,0.21269893774283066,0.0,0.1630747651788722,0.1360602753069259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376236601072303,0.07777602538140298,0.0,0.08460363532963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680509124801596,0.0,0.31075359461521496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362505729542506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051480318893578,0.2181843394721761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500213059695995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299835220553508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050207548242842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862644719440325,0.13552146581096675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460385498773035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28616080511023323,0.0,0.0,0.1736092194689664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756093354308088,0.11816242248019268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unownowl,2018/01/07,"Incredibly High Expectations are Killing Me and I Want Help I have a 4.0 GPA.
Editor-in-Chief of my schools newspaper
Head Drum Major of the marching band
Coordinator for a charity program
Officer for Speech and Debate
Secretary, Publicist for other clubs...

There was a point where I thought I could take and do all of this, you know? I thought I was going to maintain my GPA, do well in all my activities, and do something right in the world, but I haven't been able to get out of bed today, or take a shower in 4 days.

I'm a senior in high school, and I haven't even applied to any colleges or scholarships yet, but all the teachers and my peers think I have.

Everyone seems to assume that I'm okay, that I'm alright, that I'm doing just fine, but right now I want to kill myself because I'm a failing a good portion of my classes and not doing as well as I want to.

I feel like what's the point of trying anymore, in a system that could give less of a shit about you, the individual?

I was a teacher's pet, a ""good student"", but now all I want to do is escape. Leave. Get out of here.

It's frustrating, because I want to tell you who I am, and what I've done but right now...maybe I just need some reassurance?

I'm lost, and feeling lousy.

I'm supposed to working hard on things, but I don't remember that last time I've really WORKED hard at something.

I use to love playing my instruments, but even when I saw a song I wanted to play on the piano I couldn't even bring myself out of bed to go play it.

I just don't want to judged by myself anymore, my own brain, by my peers...it feels like if I don't meet the expectations of being this ""perfect leader"" or getting 4.0 they're all going to look down on me.

Even one of my favorite teachers, when I discussed with them what had been going on, just seemed to assume that I was gonna be fine and make it out, and still get a 4.0 or do really well at the next tournament...

I just don't want the pressure anymore.



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suicidewatch,20percentdisgusting-,2018/01/07,"Am I suicidal? I don’t even know anymore Constantly think about suicide. Self harm regularly. Intrusive thoughts all the time. But will I do it? I don’t know, I really don’t know if I could. I have a plan, just in case, stashed away so no one will ever find it. It’s fail safe. But can I? I go from talking myself into it at random intervals to then talking myself out of it, only to feel dissatisfied that I’ve managed to stop myself. Fucking hell sorry for this shit storm of a post... I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve.

100% messed up and no one even knows.. ",0.10596045197740267,2.4127984661016946,2.378,92.0249096045198,89.76271186440678,5.519548022598871,20.578531073446328,7.03164865440522,0.5765778531073451,441,15,96,7,15,149,79,118,0.305,0.672,0.022,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,3,0,3,0,11,2,1,0,2,22,22,6,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,2,9,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,1,1,13,1,15,18,1,13,1,1,0,1,3,6,3,2,5,66,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695690834240398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816936759067785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192539334806845,0.0,0.13441292715229836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333578654550932,0.15228125126205566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512228063593384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386787810257033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563587909579188,0.0,0.0,0.09567658024040476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626008640961674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815519261312145,0.12803695233490914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123174526434872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078486395706198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562465635361196,0.0,0.1728077641226221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884528515299476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407472491166969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368292824880914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706249964984876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787120090491596,0.0,0.13365025085680327,0.09816561872476796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429787719857484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Storm_Theif,2018/01/07,I need to confide in someone desperately. Something terrible happened last night and I need to know if I deserve what could become of me. Please.,4.098333333333333,7.2446085769230795,4.582307692307693,77.64602564102567,78.61538461538461,6.543589743589743,35.5897435897436,7.793537801064563,3.2906051282051285,117,7,18,2,3,37,22,26,0.204,0.7140000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.5267,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640958652355871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26321557395907397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915270939821705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117863294364572,0.2687259738545088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888939354515273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093740256007363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36187990543467136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793292810008284,0.2537969443061501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guineafig,2018/01/07,"Life is pointless There is absolutely nothing to live for, especially to useless people like me who do nothing but leech from others. I just need to finally finish the job and everything will be fixed, after all, a corpse can't feel regret or sadness anymore. What is there for me to lose anymore. Besides more years of suffering and pain. It early doesn't get better after even 7 years I haven't gotten the slightest bit better. And I'm sure I will only be missed for like a week anyway ",5.944822695035462,6.7057727021276605,6.462553191489363,76.63333333333334,66.65957446808511,8.394326241134753,30.56028368794326,8.344100000000001,2.33989219858156,390,14,68,5,6,127,68,94,0.284,0.62,0.096,-0.9737,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,12,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,2,11,17,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,5,5,11,12,3,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,47,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942442468384527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515841450480909,0.21700061935209985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312828429108845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863775747848698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050188923497748,0.0,0.0,0.2177380634228504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038468528757213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724424612999866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039406287784803,0.19421372151502103,0.0,0.17551371811171862,0.0,0.0,0.2223679297024845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738221731166473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814420203589195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117024009945293,0.2115006747860737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779908075244388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733428094861987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943782198033693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559971347184532
suicidewatch,drArtem3s,2018/01/07,"How to Stop This I can't stop wishing for the ability to die without much pain to my loved ones, planning out elaborately for a failsafe way even if I try to chicken out, seeing myself dying everywhere- train, buildings, cars, bridges. I visualize it so clearly over and over again. I also have a history of impulsive serious self harm without even making a conscious decision to do it. I just got out of a psychiatric inpatient facility for the ninth time. I realized the last time it is completely pointless- the doctors don't see you long enough to be willing to make necessary changes, and/or overmedicate, then the cycle continues after a little while on the outside. Going in just makes me feel worse while there and especially after getting out. I'm rationalizing things, I've done my research and I realize that my feeling like a burden and desperation put me at higher risk, as well as previous attempt and impulsive decision. I'm trying everything and things just keep getting worse. I'm scared and tired and these thoughts don't go away the next day, they just get worse over time.

I'm not even deciding to die right now, but I have a feeling I will soon due to some random impulse and don't even care. I have a great support system with a therapist and psychiatrists and friends and family. I care about them and continue living for them, but I'm tired of living for others, I want to live for myself. I can't find a reason why though, I hate life and have hated it for quite some time, and the future looks bleak. It's funny, I try to save others but I don't even want to save myself, except for a half assed post on reddit.",7.443518135688784,7.144823785942496,7.7260514940800595,72.46399173087768,63.53674121405752,11.070776169892875,35.344672054125155,10.59048541779884,3.726897538056756,1307,53,236,29,17,428,175,313,0.147,0.718,0.135,-0.4071,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,3,3,19,18,2,2,19,0,16,7,1,5,1,60,47,28,3,4,12,0,3,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,12,20,0,3,12,0,0,4,9,8,1,2,3,6,28,10,44,41,4,43,0,0,3,2,7,14,1,4,23,166,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346830074783182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631476574443651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733490773816397,0.0,0.09718613949550514,0.0,0.09632380935603346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924846505859264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860392577535257,0.0,0.0,0.09403270339745368,0.0,0.09401477214059242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492613265361208,0.0,0.3033959089075959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256671411692405,0.0,0.08660673593082949,0.0,0.1393564978726484,0.06563185250224693,0.0,0.0,0.08396739556035011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097843260669816,0.0,0.14399464370287796,0.0,0.10442352696320756,0.0,0.07347672641171778,0.10128685448831208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140495077929716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165816039948262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488620463749153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489040512471013,0.044882977283919885,0.09207774344283193,0.2433683313899727,0.0813019427570537,0.0771475516274332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291614327330975,0.0,0.183971552065448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753492412202128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770464752374124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622534005912629,0.0,0.09775601752446596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798593896558728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923545925962157,0.0,0.09771491376845924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445752585162673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845636583741067,0.0,0.0,0.09197776532189836,0.0,0.14641678172445102,0.0,0.09584030904984547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361464766199834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425283820857732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066679983432594,0.12206851704139332,0.0,0.09026167947537098,0.07293441372443127,0.21428023677286054,0.21118179876187398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712083089967702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083744575626207,0.07292202552421627,0.0,0.0,0.08260204502165262,0.0,0.08289826699019516,0.0,0.10564581500260803,0.1771185499413996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808697343743242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungen3,2018/01/07,"Do I have depression? Suicidal thoughts? I go through phases. I can be happy, other times I feel so worthless/helpless and lonely.
Sometimes I have no motivation
Suicide crosses my mind everyday. Sometimes a lot. I hate my life, I’m even considering buying a rope and creating a noose or buying a helium tank. If I one time can’t take it. 

In 6 months from now, if my business goes pear shaped I think I am going to commit suicide. I have nothing left. I will be a loser failure and have to fight hard to get a crap regular job. It’s so hard to get onto the property ladder. Everyone is doing so much better then me. I can’t be regular I have to succeed.",0.7595823978446319,3.2506482900763416,3.5389582397844634,83.41505612932198,89.0,6.441131567130669,25.263134261338124,7.724431198458867,1.9190723843735964,510,23,96,11,17,179,87,131,0.28300000000000003,0.601,0.117,-0.9751,1,2,0,0,1,4,18.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,3,0,7,0,16,2,1,1,1,13,26,10,3,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,2,3,3,6,0,1,1,3,17,3,9,21,2,13,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,4,6,68,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485596615457899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467606080063172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094547341969796,0.0,0.0,0.16050668900979606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493287800232552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551932910629256,0.0,0.19092738720178576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881181815652553,0.3009440466545714,0.1658398939635656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668862267904014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250462185413813,0.0,0.11864525040694633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428057848405545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960620855236794,0.0,0.13407552293477307,0.0,0.12348047401263823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117591831711373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382376620456215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322618528344401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5512100239394511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262958059064326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763118043801537,0.0,0.1333528703201732,0.19589438762414693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WasketSmith,2018/01/07,"52 hours into VSED Currently have a mild headache and can barely walk around my house but I feel like I'm so close to doing what I always wanted. I half want someone to talk me out of it but I know that in a couple days I'm gonna want to do it again. It's been 15 years of depression and it's only got worse overtime. I honestly dont think it'll get better, I know I could keep going on till I die naturally etc but its pointless.

I made this post mostly just to have any sorta discussion before I die because I need to pass the time. Turns out dehydration takes a while when your doing nothing indoors.",2.6103149606299207,3.953653692913388,4.229141732283466,87.36182283464571,75.06299212598425,6.969763779527558,22.936220472440944,7.554174236665415,0.8639518110236222,477,13,102,6,10,160,92,127,0.152,0.741,0.107,-0.872,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,24,28,9,2,5,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,1,14,3,14,22,2,20,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,10,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145689997386326,0.0,0.0,0.11906809591261558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586838869073252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067340383118983,0.0,0.14898980994662833,0.0,0.0,0.1548540363196405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979616487106156,0.19373520581271286,0.0,0.11291941093269865,0.0,0.15080588997503985,0.0,0.3634342758327169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520571298962173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952730955478129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853142796673558,0.1250852678739679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147798359734156,0.0,0.09950842726929086,0.0,0.1400365166501634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724296723045,0.20203186518636998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562920256311574,0.0,0.0,0.19245121146244615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554077056331956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567563241047156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982798885500316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800483556053888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316483226288514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768907664576874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835429998598196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164687581645362,0.14073176379034807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219144249017407,0.0,0.0,0.10209715174469937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044906810536988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098201758312158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843300482134938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275306396991495
suicidewatch,mooshy07,2018/01/07,"I think I'm finally done I ruined my relationship. Not just with my partner but with her family. The people that meant the most to me. No one wants to help me anymore. I push everyone away. Counsellors don't help. I keep self harming because for a minute I feel ok. I have recorded my goodbye video and written my suicide note. 
I think this is it. I've wanted it for years and have tried countless times. And I think this time I'm finally going to get it over and done with.  ",1.1848863636363625,3.5934094583333334,2.8094696969697006,90.4643181818182,84.625,5.990909090909091,23.310606060606066,7.348242739294969,1.0622208333333334,372,14,77,6,11,122,63,96,0.16,0.743,0.097,-0.8174,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,19,19,5,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,1,15,1,10,15,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686286814639747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702760535239995,0.0,0.0,0.1148596106065162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856399269871935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004421135983414,0.0,0.0,0.17762642274460005,0.0,0.09527125089170847,0.0,0.0,0.4128116959181213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844212531672417,0.0,0.10708391989084398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25258906849197355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747712246365384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767885467412385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306273035755418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229349475464029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656405553555792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610184465636575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621974470828648,0.0,0.0,0.21973944355337496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792539924474555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222710162995795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133685961015815
suicidewatch,inforogue,2018/01/07,My Best Friend Died She was the my best friend. Someone I was with every day and trusted. I don't like trusting people but we became friends almost instantly after she moved in. She died on Xmas eve and I haven't been ok since. She made me happy for the first time that I can remember. She made me value life after she stopped me from killing myself. Now I feel like I'm back to where I was before I met her. I just want to die now that she's gone and I don't know how many more days I can get through.,0.16555555555555654,2.253401851851855,1.5774074074074065,99.78333333333336,86.03703703703705,4.340740740740742,17.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.7468666666666666,392,9,93,2,12,125,71,108,0.226,0.58,0.195,-0.7168,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,3,6,12,1,0,2,1,9,1,0,3,0,16,18,5,4,1,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,8,1,25,11,10,10,3,16,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,13,62,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576785442353862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210809363018894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399119576525362,0.0,0.3304997992620489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310391564900104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902717160826219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267113174581807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961908200512317,0.11249309346091499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393972713928884,0.0,0.0,0.3649714192965008,0.0,0.08226901163772804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762451889243365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742117943266021,0.0,0.08653869670537294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122225154563092,0.15385898053788044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979945555175341,0.0,0.15964488855209982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736047318719371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916646835372178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783772536838872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302567516179893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334196617819682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164786805168344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181916166883737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928769912669346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dark_vanity,2018/01/07,"School School's not a place for freedom. It is a place for those who enjoy being slaves.

And yet I have no other choice but to go since my parents requires me to. They don't know that the monsters who made me this way are all hidden in that insipid campus filled with nincompoops. 

I once enjoyed being there. Only once. When someone who understands appeared before me. But then, that someone also disappeared because of me. And now I'm alone and afraid. But I just need to keep my good acting up so that nobody notices how distorted I am.",3.1081730769230766,5.495576548076925,3.669846153846154,87.27515384615386,76.78846153846155,5.6984615384615385,24.823076923076925,6.742157984588678,1.0262838461538464,427,15,78,4,10,134,78,104,0.14400000000000002,0.764,0.092,-0.5837,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,2,1,18,15,11,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,11,3,9,12,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,59,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196612417226453,0.0,0.1518114507335127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157220121463281,0.0,0.16153610290599146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788793913586237,0.1592250841018057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687345925833351,0.0,0.0,0.10432867425737646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796270229196221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076068272905598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612907458410496,0.0,0.40433741023625297,0.0,0.14437851860863662,0.0,0.0,0.210789954385322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396675568972826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842474987651765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703395968214834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32169415448837185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976255414931761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068265323373795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkhaired_loser,2018/01/07,"This is it. I finally am ready to just fully kill myself. I can’t do it anymore. Nobody is on my side. My family hates me and I have no friends. Just now I spilled a lot of tea on the carpet/couch and I felt so bad. And then my grandmother made me feel like absolute shit. In her words “you make me feel like an idiot, so I should do the same to you.” I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been a year self-harm free and this time I’m just going to cut until I bleed out. I’m over it. Nobody wants or needs me. I’m better off dead. Thank you to anyone that reads this and just listens to my rant. I’m just so worthless and everyone hates me. Goodbye. ",-1.145248226950354,0.8556211773049647,1.3571985815602865,99.28416666666668,92.54609929078016,4.55177304964539,15.634751773049645,6.139981653823899,-0.6734226950354611,490,11,121,5,18,166,84,141,0.23,0.649,0.12,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,3,0,1,9,14,6,0,5,0,11,3,1,2,0,24,27,12,2,3,6,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,8,7,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,8,0,0,3,4,22,7,13,23,2,14,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,2,8,79,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775863710090242,0.13310922629136873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894872459277531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836438641477078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190409112012804,0.0,0.0,0.17946132643887006,0.0,0.1925108302282258,0.27199684135655644,0.182782439431462,0.20853804680136676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707728593216354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819011049677167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758965482249735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106131866680218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600767137399235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184345125038496,0.0,0.180130120322413,0.12707163557906076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411549237109808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041879302194709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985945874017628,0.0,0.19540927412068054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526461194984366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100469007285324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228355218128967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259028490865626
suicidewatch,Throwawaylife404,2018/01/07,"Attempted suicide at 3 am by trying to get hypothermia it's like -12 degrees F here, i tried to find a comfortable place to just watch the world while i died, but realized i still had loose ends that had to be taken care of. violently shivered for an hour when i got back home. didn't tell my family what happened and i doubt they'd care anyways.

i want to do it again cause i know i'll never get the help i need. i'm fucked and the world is dying rapidly. i just want to die before everything else does. ",1.6282857142857132,3.6127964476190506,3.226904761904766,90.62892857142859,79.76190476190476,6.866666666666667,21.92857142857143,7.908726449838941,0.943457142857143,397,12,87,7,10,131,80,105,0.256,0.616,0.128,-0.9606,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,2,1,5,0,8,1,0,1,1,14,21,5,4,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,1,11,4,10,14,0,12,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,1,9,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292257744418033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300447758329715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426914591170305,0.17264125323559107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5232511750629739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706817168741118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039040109131,0.0,0.14884898285158285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103916337245013,0.0,0.1584295690741305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360142778649474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553663671632875,0.17560612043732995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441086281884004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148612612319004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264533917782782,0.0,0.16857528442400188,0.0,0.16550269589978875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235995725250801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210436143829061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461243979404113,0.12961623471847153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558422386860778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421086442031022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382752931550592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688958344809253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228199899123367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982492288359838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Diaprycia,2018/01/07,"I just want to die all the time I just want everything to stop. I wish I could just pass away in my sleep, painlessly. My sister once said I'm worthless, and she's right. I can't find a job. My romantic life is non existent and every time I manage to fuck it up and make mistakes and I spend my life crying about it. I'm sick and tired of having to wake up every day and get out of bed. I'm exhausted from having to act normal and pretend like I don't want to dissolve on the spot. I just want the pain to be over. I want the tears to stop. The loneliness to end. The only reason I'm not harming myself is because I want to get tattoos in those areas and I don't want to fuck up my skin. My old scars have healed well enough to not be an issue.

I just feel alone all the time. Not the physical kind of lonely. Not the ""I don't have friends"" kind of lonely. But a deep, cold, empty loneliness where you feel disconnected from the world. Like someone removed something from inside me and I'm different and dead. I'm tired all the time. I'm scared, and worried, and I feel like I fuck up everything good in my life. I meet a cute guy and I fuck it up. I can't find a job. I can't even care for my body. Everything I touch just dies and rots and it's all my fault. I've been struggling for eleven years, and it's getting too much. Every year I want something to change, and every year nothing changes and I just slip into a deeper state of mind, that's getting harder to crawl out of.

I can't afford therapy. My parents don't believe in the value of mental health. They can get a broken leg, but they can't get a broken mind. And I'm not just broken, I'm shattered, and I don't have the energy anymore to try and fix it. I just go around with shards of who I was, trying to make sense of it all, and I end up cutting anyone who gets near me, because I'm a fucking fat ugly loser.

I'm so sad all the time. Sad, and angry, and hurt, and so afraid. I'm scared, and I couldn't even tell you what I'm scared of. Everything, I guess. The world would be an improvement without me around, I'm sure of it. It would just be brighter, better, nicer.

I just want it all to stop.

",1.0501121053172895,2.6979556285097206,2.8285081764887394,94.41818754499643,80.18790496760259,5.791813226370463,20.095083821865682,6.655083550727371,0.06604272343926709,1668,42,389,16,42,554,192,463,0.233,0.667,0.099,-0.9964,5,5,2,0,0,2,62.0,0,2,2,2,21,35,6,5,25,0,28,21,6,3,8,89,73,30,3,16,19,2,5,3,1,2,11,1,1,1,15,32,1,3,6,1,1,4,17,23,1,1,3,7,50,12,55,62,9,45,0,7,0,5,14,25,5,1,18,234,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711250749183033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810569695437607,0.04801813478280849,0.0,0.0,0.12226801760856568,0.0,0.0,0.06452104991369242,0.0,0.0,0.08372550319773997,0.0,0.0,0.07737156113061552,0.0,0.060736164011596726,0.0,0.0762808198121998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001724924179686,0.0,0.14529499566446394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483023238913223,0.0,0.07543465726239748,0.04428875104259339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254458139437035,0.07174923120180443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216487432579762,0.07095812275262146,0.0,0.09071644886436513,0.0,0.2314416718418809,0.0,0.2468773928447349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417021325946273,0.049060389548685295,0.0,0.0,0.12553273992801875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305700540938568,0.3174378982625719,0.2511536258974172,0.0,0.039028754450342665,0.05760010580903625,0.0,0.0,0.0756516448616855,0.06799759984615432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299675999099571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351644318826872,0.0,0.0,0.07167733213557415,0.13629578070600085,0.0,0.0,0.1430258449323932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551845325170246,0.1006512660713874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168024027051117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920677451027038,0.0,0.13868139430092324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048295239653392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728548685111177,0.06589411222245314,0.0,0.07206132640956177,0.07313507712537534,0.0,0.05222932049508063,0.07307348669328229,0.0,0.07625383741869085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060783502838303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058646826560712385,0.06532426109260504,0.0,0.2062625763773195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872313359987697,0.0,0.05818686622527128,0.10573648987898827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224245927898352,0.0,0.07179249295081222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472399721627717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060023699463116836,0.0,0.0785341761091782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002204624709693,0.15786026019142008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324964943708833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645488899213113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174575837458773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897118000804333,0.06619884038871103,0.0,0.0,0.06974131172969936,0.0,0.0975674226668468,0.0,0.0,0.13267052152165773
suicidewatch,247Deathwish,2018/01/07,"Will it ever stop ? 35 years and it just keeps on going. To answer my own question. No, no it wont. ",-3.6013636363636365,-3.0147711363636347,0.07145454545454477,102.38718181818182,124.0,1.7600000000000002,8.945454545454545,3.1291,-2.2252290909090906,73,1,18,0,5,26,19,22,0.268,0.732,0.0,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362243897211845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27407482851685816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428647584684164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402324181753891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031841237317517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105543673067541
suicidewatch,mynameisnotbecky1,2018/01/07,"I can't believe school is tomorrow, deadly anxiety overdrive. 💣 I can't word this. I'll try.

School tomorrow, I wish I could die. Anxiety. It hurts, it is like a punch. I spend 90 percent of my day thinking of my peers opinions. I can't live like this, should they find me dead? I like guns, self harm sucks because it is not fatal.

I can't do this. They may laugh at me, talk shit about me. Death. Since that class presentation where a lot of the kids were laughing hysterically, overpowering my voice, I have nvr been the same. I have been depressed, but it just gave me even more severe anxiety that does not leave, any day of the week.

And my mother does not reach out and try to understand us when we say ""Mom, I'm Sad"", ""I don't want to go to school tomorrow"", ""They are going to say annoying stuff"", ""Do we have to go to school today"". I'm giving her signs for help, but she just does not get it.

I'm in pain. And I know that my only support system, this sub reddit, will not read this and care. Because it's not like I lost a family member or lost a job. If we all are in insufferable mental pain, why am I supposed to be the exception???

Why am I so special enough to post here and expect to get a response?

I'm alone, it's the worst. Kids rudely ask me if I'm gay(bisexual btw), mother gets angry and so self absorbed into her bills, teacher picks on me. Am I now feeling peace, is this how soothing the trail to death feels like?🙇‍♀️",1.1631991696459458,3.09874093979933,2.993576288778687,91.96397993311035,81.07357859531774,6.1308268942451845,20.678237804174834,7.237678284180719,0.43022744781455424,1107,31,250,15,29,369,167,299,0.193,0.654,0.153,-0.9357,2,1,0,1,0,0,58.0,4,0,3,2,11,23,4,0,11,0,27,3,1,2,1,45,53,15,6,7,14,3,2,4,0,3,2,3,0,4,17,11,0,0,6,1,2,3,11,14,0,0,6,5,37,9,23,42,7,22,0,5,0,0,24,7,2,6,14,148,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358860556668194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801574948530814,0.0,0.2295407577631232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935034381587776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219402318603498,0.0,0.0,0.11268616781414767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197513637635656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985632806167621,0.0,0.0,0.12900682264480975,0.0,0.08614545781414881,0.0,0.10380301486283107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26257958520040386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334545162892957,0.0,0.0660610231385677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428817954207933,0.0,0.10114433056158567,0.07145296293527982,0.0,0.0,0.09141474716929976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676601447488198,0.09594649179876087,0.17052780282450095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704003568934623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707146312102074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925254830433647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496734153110326,0.0,0.0,0.10590474467288252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443189998471504,0.0,0.08831782993292413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183631798980356,0.08503182658913454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007947376578695,0.0,0.0,0.1171400100794423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606828514409654,0.21285265707339585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578970874726822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004518355521656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590768425127135,0.0,0.4048946974058628,0.0,0.0,0.2086814188281498,0.11299200344723008,0.10266716003993301,0.08273602013321711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114496815106024,0.0,0.11349937416683728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039077401233304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408757096785431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480548032468253,0.0,0.0,0.13581147247809938,0.0,0.0,0.10412238736711996,0.12030948012442708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589932769236392,0.0,0.08022850064387681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805015879582725,0.0,0.11501589877248013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lologibbs,2018/01/07,"Dreams of suicide For the past week I have dreamed of committing suicide  in different ways. I had the note and everything this morning in the dream. I have been depressed for awhile and attempted to take my life in the past. Obviously, failed however never before has my persistent suicidal thoughts progressed to haunt me in my dreams. Does this happen often? ",5.650476190476191,8.634002539682541,5.174841269841268,76.66321428571429,71.22222222222223,9.279365079365078,34.3095238095238,9.725611199111238,4.038219047619048,292,15,46,8,6,89,44,63,0.28,0.613,0.107,-0.9524,2,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,3,7,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,10,5,0,9,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785903842356168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002701385536612,0.0,0.0,0.2183794643872433,0.0,0.0,0.182913178951324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785202264786208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483404695685465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763569052601302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120767168064284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990629225182438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6858957457634274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715562529120708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659370520591188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659088669909319,0.16766174054319374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Orgamech,2018/01/07,I want to give up but I don't have that option. Back in August my little brother hung himself. Just a couple of weeks after my birthday. And what they say about the risk of suicide feels true because today I woke up after a heart-breaking night and all I want to do is die. But he took that option from me. I want to hurt myself so that I don't feel like this. Fuck him.,0.6185126582278464,2.5639934303797496,2.3017563291139247,96.1485838607595,83.0506329113924,3.95,17.469936708860754,3.1291,-0.8879506329113926,287,6,64,0,8,94,57,79,0.293,0.624,0.083,-0.9763,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,2,14,14,5,2,3,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,13,2,12,12,1,12,0,1,0,1,7,4,1,2,8,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764874745333508,0.0,0.13991386572891384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539606108955938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820655188531034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321054186880891,0.16396984177476406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218845765492855,0.0,0.22017744867118305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27198347934243233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24570696784748386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121323626111684,0.2300403302311417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538990180147466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825243042787792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510587113038347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175590622085072,0.0,0.2550062660862411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061322813879227,0.0,0.1841078944244556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadeOf_MushroomBlue,2018/01/07,"I attempted suicide on christmas eve At 17 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. You've either never heard of it, or you hold the stigma against me, or so it usually is. My diagnosis is heavily stigmatised. We're known as crazy, violent, broken beyond repair and drama queens. Even mental health professionals see BPD as incurable and not worthy of help. I've faced the stigma, and currently charities refuse to give me therapy and the NHS won't give me therapy despite pleading. I'm simply broken in their eyes.

I can't have friends because I get obsessed and get angry and upset when we don't talk every day. I can't date because at the beginning they see me as sweet, laid back, cute I guess. Then after a month they see the BPD symptoms I struggle to contain. They see the marks on my body, the vomiting when I overdose, the obsession with making out, the need to be wanted and craved. In an effort to contain it all and not turn into an abusive partner I start hallucinating from stress.

So I took sleeping tablets and prescription painkillers. I took 20 each. I sat down and ate pizza and as I was eating I started to fall asleep. Originally I could rouse myself. After 10 minutes my mother could wake me up by shouting my name. I went to bed and passed out in the fetal position

My mother came to check on me and I guess tried to wake me. She says she shook me and shouted and I just wouldn't wake up.

So you probably guessed she called an ambulance right? Your self destructive daughter is unresponsive and you know she's overdosed because she'd done it before. Instead she left me there. Watched tv for a bit then went to sleep. I slept for 10 hours and woke up hallucinating. Every time I closed my eyes I'd hallucinate, and then waking them caused even worse hallucinations. After about 4 hours I was mostly back to normal.

People see me as poison because of my disorder. Maybe I am. I know everything I touch, everyone I get close to... I destroy it because of my penchant for self destruction.
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suicidewatch,1dayimgonnagrowwings,2018/01/07,"Spent the day in bed Haven’t moved. Don’t care too. It’s cold out, my water pipes are frozen, and my wife does not understand depression. She thinks it’s me be dramatic or a joke. I’m laying her alone when I wish someone would be there. I don’t know why it can’t be her. We have a kid. I feel like a terrible role model and she’s the only reason we’re even together. But now I’m realizing that I can’t live like this and be daddy. Then again can I really not be with her everyday? Maybe it’s better if I’m just not there at all for anyone. Things have been their worst for the past year and before Christmas it all seemed to go up in flames. A 12 year relationship that completely broke down and for the past 4 years makes me feel like I’m trapped in it. Trying to leave seems like a bitter march that will be unbearable — I guess I lack the courage to change life for myself. It’s just is just a constant reminder that nothing will change. I’ve had marital relationship issues and therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. Considering checking into the hospital but scared of the process or if they’ll even take me seriously. There’s so much work to do I don’t know if I can even make time for it but then again I’m posting on a suicide board so why am I so concerned with time. I guess I’m just sitting here in bed thinking and wishing I could understand if this is normal. People don’t think like this, do they? I’m just over it all. I hate where my life is and every time we come close to seperation we stay and I fall deeper into depression. I’m just lost.",1.555579853552345,3.516286481595092,3.0984068869978247,91.57892044330102,79.88957055214723,6.660439342964576,21.25232535127647,7.717688229018142,0.7144930932119538,1227,35,274,20,31,403,167,326,0.112,0.794,0.094,-0.8661,0,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,3,0,3,3,22,19,2,1,14,0,33,3,0,3,3,64,66,24,1,10,18,1,2,5,0,4,2,0,2,1,17,19,1,0,14,1,2,4,11,10,0,0,4,4,32,9,26,50,6,39,0,4,0,0,17,14,0,11,23,172,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317537330083952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965601072641342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847685408378475,0.0,0.0,0.08810502346683495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015683405088587,0.0,0.2107676573085364,0.08581305809943318,0.10444876062776533,0.10765288728516413,0.0,0.07953776781843074,0.0,0.0,0.06424609643077651,0.0,0.17160361836177235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717737044541317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739248401899606,0.0,0.08393341208105859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074084891737944,0.14233585024084391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661584630323741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948340183521706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835326492645367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667726017790381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397648802184968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949613523227922,0.0,0.0,0.10548227294092677,0.0,0.0,0.1407278727289044,0.2433443705108167,0.0,0.08796551534409637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874604633342323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299308331254125,0.0,0.10008080403928137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058793678568621,0.07323152158115365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976055945328176,0.0955872402902658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576483603734505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019546009126068,0.06906336030449661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540758758468014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381856444493703,0.10242505537442738,0.0,0.21390732462629525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973612606696584,0.0,0.0,0.27206853875422704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844069640825566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061807359584414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896715745718814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490118668397315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139231550370313,0.0,0.06618252227502963,0.19149574479876488,0.0,0.0,0.1742661443799161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763484890451851,0.0,0.0,0.2074140515128729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978153694713944,0.0,0.22911416224718495,0.0,0.0,0.07252391181775159,0.0,0.0,0.07076657049019283,0.0,0.0,0.1924543573379288
suicidewatch,whyyyymeeee,2018/01/07,i'm sick of everything i'm so fucked up i cant even type a post here.. i feel like no one wants to hear my bullshit. i just want to fucking die man. i cant even think of a better life because i have no hopes or dreams to pursue. ,-1.4614465408805015,0.2642949622641524,1.2134905660377378,102.0955817610063,89.9433962264151,4.2880503144654085,16.38050314465409,5.46131890053228,-0.9539157232704404,175,4,47,1,6,60,38,53,0.33,0.481,0.189,-0.9024,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,13,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,6,3,6,13,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,2,1,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665963323996748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272880977732025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667166035281534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394809243333952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23096738951184656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299426242540408,0.18359477912375052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751690017397039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28964809834848115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552505463770752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152069676402904,0.1255530658772046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414409155773847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612681822183466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466977649448014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303160490528352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,conflicted239,2018/01/07,"Running on empty I'm 24 and have been struggling with profound depression, anxiety, self harm, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, and an eating disorder since age 6.  I was raised in an emotionally abusive and manipulative environment where academic success was valued above everything else.  My dad literally nicknamed me ""dysmorphia.""  I went to a sum total of 2 therapy sessions as a child and each time my parents would tell me how hard it was for them to pay out-of-pocket because they didn’t want to use my insurance (which would have covered the sessions) so that when I had a job at the NIH, they wouldn’t find the fact that I went to therapy as a child and fire me.  I now know that their logic was utter insanity.  Fortunately I was bright and succeeded academically.  I graduated from high school at age 15 with several academic journal articles to my name, graduated from college at 19, and got into one of the top MD/PhD programs in the country.  This is all despite a suicide attempt at age 12.

After my first year in the MD/PhD program (and 7 years of weekly therapy and living independently and away from the grasp of my emotionally toxic mother) I finally opened up enough to admit to myself that I was transgender (MtF).  I began transitioning and had to take a leave of absence from my program due to the time and emotional energy that I was putting into my transition.  I do not doubt for one minute that I am transgender.  It explains a lot of previously-explainable thoughts and feelings from my childhood, and the few changes that have happened to my body since I began my transition have been for the better.  That said, I still can’t bare the sight of my face or my body.  There are so many things that need to change.  I’m going grey (yes, at age 24), I have some serious brow-bossing, my nose is too wide, my upper lip is too long, my jaw is too wide, my shoulders are broad, my boobs look deformed and half-developed like a 13-year old girl’s, I’m ridiculously fat, have a double-chin, and I won’t even get started about below the belt.

Since I’m taking a leave of absence from my program, I lost my stipend.  Transition costs are $1,000 per month alone, I have to pay rent for two apartments (mine and my wife’s - we just moved in together and the lease on my old apartment doesn’t end until July) which costs $2,500 per month.  I have 5 cats, two of which are kittens and three of which are chronically ill, so their medication/vet bills/prescription food is easily $600 per month.  I’m working 5 different part-time jobs to try and make ends meet, which they never do.  I even turned to some less-than-legal ways of making money online with the hope of relying less on savings, only to be scammed out of $5,000 when I went to cash out.  At this point putting a little bit of money away so I can deal with my dumpster fire of a face or blatantly incorrect genitalia is a downright hilarious idea.

I have no hobbies that I can financially afford to do, other than binge-watching shows on Netflix/Prime which honestly is more so that I don’t have to be in the miserable present rather than because I intrinsically like the show.  I’ve eaten the same meal at McDonalds every day for the past week because I can’t make myself cook anything (which isn’t exactly great for someone with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia).  I can’t keep a friendship to save my life.  My wife (who I met at age 16, pre-transition) has her own mental and physical health issues which are often triggered when I’m not doing well, so I can’t use her for support more than sparingly.  I’ve been in weekly therapy for 5 of the past 7 years and it’s only helped a bit.  I spend all my time that I’m not working sleeping or doing whatever I can to not be present in the moment.  My cats were legitimately my main reason to live for awhile, but now I’ve found myself thinking that “someone else will take care of them” or “they learned to love me, so they’ll learn to love their new owner” which means that in a way, my last support is gone, which in a way is scary but also a relief.  A few days ago I drank half of a fifth of hard liquor so that I would pass out and be physically unable to walk out of the apartment and lie down on the train tracks.  I guess I’m just posting here because I know I’m “not supposed” to commit suicide more than me actually wanting to continue this shitshow of a life.",8.591153846153848,6.599871751748258,8.640815850815851,72.29660839160842,62.251748251748246,12.016783216783216,37.96736596736597,10.727762888450028,3.8655561771561775,3465,137,673,69,39,1138,401,858,0.061,0.853,0.086,0.9801,7,1,0,0,0,3,104.0,1,0,10,9,30,26,1,3,46,1,67,28,13,10,8,105,122,47,2,9,14,5,5,2,0,7,6,1,1,4,34,39,9,1,16,4,10,11,17,8,1,7,28,11,88,18,109,83,19,110,0,3,4,3,35,46,1,11,51,434,122,24,0.0,0.07279790662510978,0.05995785655956842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054464015080565614,0.0,0.0,0.06363466850775355,0.0,0.04913459424071657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047002434773492086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056096384710705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545226849310382,0.0,0.0,0.1498162117299079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054339846639879036,0.13415599699171818,0.2729897824543372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264351145421318,0.0,0.12999352050684929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792491254161785,0.06334329380353558,0.052919311168092384,0.0,0.0,0.06419309292056785,0.14083413095525552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573960006849005,0.10265266279451317,0.2073396154375496,0.10883752966865487,0.06348529860224529,0.0,0.0811628129504986,0.0,0.05176695449338763,0.0,0.0552194886043289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031066572966763187,0.0,0.0,0.06730595301698569,0.056156245187545126,0.052261947783488916,0.07429507719427057,0.06736722624429672,0.0,0.0,0.03210054912191165,0.0,0.03491851297971628,0.0,0.04914022920943138,0.06773926232870693,0.0676845310654401,0.0,0.0543323484398063,0.0,0.11007869277726864,0.0,0.0,0.06530924051050363,0.0,0.0,0.041182815662996496,0.06491611847603221,0.0,0.061025085258603964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693597615023064,0.0,0.06412876577221915,0.12194204131516345,0.054611860310248665,0.0,0.0,0.06753307543719396,0.05008286896031145,0.0,0.13011495393321035,0.0,0.0,0.08679563004626703,0.06003424210749245,0.06158033487385189,0.10850760661099997,0.05437362682527661,0.05159522688416787,0.0,0.06707044897020878,0.05223520548430605,0.1109063640854502,0.0,0.12303765665680537,0.062291845799672174,0.0,0.06692759986032272,0.0,0.0,0.0619183903779424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471256048639731,0.06530239009396532,0.0,0.04555795361628565,0.04738732681088309,0.05934040106767124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289446407914133,0.0,0.08326844494893962,0.09345777139517307,0.0,0.0,0.06822330482120609,0.06653495244448845,0.11730536723426195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808189851977962,0.0,0.05884379202945113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353097559876974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317190078523277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058444756717888985,0.0,0.0,0.062181886967731276,0.0,0.0,0.06409668726696399,0.06941119290154901,0.0,0.15247466222833728,0.0,0.06148568322023432,0.0,0.10411804691954812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348847619094854,0.0,0.049067110363683615,0.0,0.0,0.06423179863807098,0.0,0.13441364389934185,0.13944574331189194,0.0,0.0,0.13858865831018652,0.0,0.05370241398454448,0.0,0.2810539753513027,0.0,0.04081887693973826,0.03936911122315795,0.0,0.048777537904879854,0.10748076769643294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171461708271827,0.06683050309513368,0.12003846622921717,0.0,0.0,0.10613113118783052,0.0,0.0,0.07247935428197952,0.146307758538268,0.14785354090110248,0.0,0.055243117429962886,0.17087013266527046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946001239950195,0.0,0.0,0.13093843357688206,0.0,0.0,0.1582647595095214
suicidewatch,FortunateMammal,2018/01/07,"What am I going to do? So I’m 27, I’ve had exactly two non-family-related jobs in my life and I just lost the second after 2 months. I’m also dealing with who knows what in mental illness, Asperger’s syndrome and anxiety definitely amongst them - I’d know more, but my GP has referred me to mental health 3 times and I’ve never heard back. I drink way, way too much. I’m about to be evicted after my most recent bender. This all would be fine by me, I’d just opt out, but my partner of 11 years won’t allow it. He couldn’t stop me, of course, and he’s not abusive... but I’m just so sick and fucking tired of everything. I have no desire to keep going when I know it won’t get better. No one knows how fucked our lives are, and I’d rather die than admit it. I can’t reach out, and even if I did, then what? Homelessness will either separate us or put us under my mom and abusive stepfather’s roof. I can’t deal with either. I want help, and I’ve begged for it... but it’s not coming, and I’m done. I really don’t think I can do this anymore.

Apologies for the babble, and thanks for listening.",1.4082051282051251,2.8780363589743594,3.596931623931624,90.11334615384621,78.57264957264957,6.731282051282051,21.1017094017094,7.554174236665415,0.6238468376068376,844,22,191,12,20,290,140,234,0.168,0.725,0.107,-0.9639,2,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,3,0,1,2,13,6,2,0,2,0,20,8,0,2,3,49,43,23,1,6,14,1,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,1,11,16,1,2,7,1,0,4,11,3,0,3,5,2,23,3,22,31,6,22,0,1,0,2,16,5,2,3,11,122,34,1,0.0,0.31017131095871386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467431149875148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013204697645038,0.0,0.12980972499584836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064789389267398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576336635875982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275189645536668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26988787714273066,0.0,0.0,0.13584526506532285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339479945004572,0.0,0.12822436122093175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645295332321333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763731929186245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420151506816162,0.06838568487217755,0.0,0.14877791752203606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391321102897875,0.0,0.0,0.08773417063312029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989014577879307,0.11634285305452242,0.0,0.0,0.2877393528539061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245291384399604,0.0,0.0,0.1155800631907096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142884116096984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638167662551361,0.0,0.0,0.15329916708126745,0.10447677195640663,0.0,0.09622070488409416,0.0,0.10095200508616584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869582907208752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158264578539153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385278802076877,0.0,0.12924009165330133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943160054384073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050779808559105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387032955666328,0.0,0.0,0.07632419704715494,0.15044113693564234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786249688307386,0.0,0.3148939987720169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720351235803398,0.2077920065428214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929819447661,0.0,0.0,0.0842901777870316
suicidewatch,speedyturtle,2018/01/07,"Took an overdose on Wednesday, planning on taking another. I took an overdose of Diazepam in the hopes that it would stop me breathing in my sleep. I ended up in A&E, but didn’t require any medical treatment. I saw the crisis team the next morning and they were happy for me to go home.

I still feel really low and suicidal though. I just went to the shop and bought some Paracetamol and I plan on buying more tomorrow. This is all because I’ve been forgetting to take my antidepressants and have been drinking a lot, but I’m so done with life. 

I’ve fought mental health problems for about ten years now and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the pathetic life I’m leading and the burden I am on my family and friends. I wish I could shake this feeling, but it’s not shifting even though I’m back on my medication. 

Edit: I didn’t sleep at all last night because I couldn’t get the suicidal ideas out of my mind. I want everything to go away, I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I’m using alcohol to cope, drinking almost every night. ",3.5581399521531085,4.975279679425839,4.691934808612442,84.68948116028712,72.77990430622009,7.9044258373205745,27.895035885167466,8.472884824447931,1.9474232057416263,819,31,165,14,16,269,124,209,0.214,0.7020000000000001,0.083,-0.9887,0,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,5,9,8,1,1,10,0,12,15,5,2,3,39,36,15,2,8,5,0,2,0,1,1,8,0,1,0,6,11,3,2,3,4,3,8,5,5,0,1,12,3,21,3,27,21,5,35,0,1,1,0,4,14,0,4,13,104,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294224619097449,0.12126733425448047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312152371457896,0.0,0.08235431031713193,0.12698723587388466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378041732985834,0.09312086463994314,0.0,0.14764674021477142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669102923578816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393059191054608,0.0,0.23727000979335314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726146578566437,0.0,0.0,0.07998750349132007,0.0,0.1020346462314035,0.0,0.10883972294606213,0.0,0.11416529342109435,0.0,0.12246680583423787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935640109053981,0.0,0.0632714094453136,0.0,0.13765144786592082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289165793630746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872700965984146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147635647992899,0.12028277588549748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671074137626416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987152492672108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107750480731598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295758683460178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399741181692994,0.12204351442459856,0.0,0.12227968190654842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340223264665816,0.0,0.12879459817145522,0.22729424786092164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158793810406642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758179352754663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24238126415082464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671315024327327,0.10124767511222668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26493443043273945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210902895811648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237966504827445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691001619162138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459425835329172,0.0,0.0,0.14285957799945487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226385447780103,0.0,0.0,0.13926267211035714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602821934610709,0.0,0.0,0.07798647276765562
suicidewatch,ads0ivj0s98dj0,2018/01/07,"I'm done I think tonight I will do it.
I am done with this bullshit. I am just so lonely it's seriously insane. Imagine being LONELY 100% by yourself for 7 years. I don't mean being lonely but having a GF, friends and family. I mean 100% lonely. I can't even connect with people online. Oh yes. If you are a man and you are sad and shy, you are screwed. Trust me. I'm not ugly, I actually get lot of replies on dating apps. I'm not dumb, I'm not mean. Anyway I don't need to explain all this stuff or prove myself to anyone. I had my chances. I screwed them. I'm done with this life. Tonight I might probably try something. Why do I write my pathetic life here? Because I got no one. Why do I sound mad and bitter? Try getting rejected all your life. I'm seriously down with all this bullshit. you don't have to agree with me just witness my last words that will be enough. Cya",-0.7184621578099808,1.4596455434782634,1.6253864734299557,95.54731078904993,96.28260869565216,4.2476650563607095,19.314814814814817,6.0378880255834675,-0.061704267310788825,676,23,151,7,27,227,105,184,0.297,0.603,0.1,-0.9916,0,9,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,5,1,0,6,15,5,0,2,1,24,5,0,0,4,32,39,8,0,2,8,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,13,0,1,5,2,27,2,13,28,5,7,0,6,0,2,11,2,3,4,5,97,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.14691239291764738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526613302616766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177220228524503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621862968434273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555554631078303,0.0,0.09943503446157048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192254277411845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631242684990913,0.0,0.15730944220079607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040638334872455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271609669418915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190079108037345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798988277074688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919702476995413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597068345292322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162887344963968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020147083629182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437050295058753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623153911658235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589862308965147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234057565119332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646459477898277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442339225975906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27169094219675394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969474889040594
suicidewatch,friggernity,2018/01/07,"Why not kill myself? Life is suffering.

I live in pain every day. It's not worth it.",-2.4333333333333336,-1.4696182222222198,0.5872222222222234,98.86750000000002,120.11111111111113,4.022222222222221,10.055555555555557,5.985473137389443,-1.0520444444444443,64,1,15,1,4,22,16,18,0.339,0.504,0.157,-0.5152,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731399554628041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568398659421001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685700085240807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991497306841395,0.0,0.0,0.3739822071405917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506627175311329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821673511921931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgeOfGlass,2018/01/07,"Today is my birthday I turned 26, like half an hour back. And I got zero happy birthday messages.

26, friendless, jobless. Nobody loves me. 

I have a knife. Can I slit my wrists with it?",-0.4110714285714252,1.475530194444449,1.1657142857142873,95.86500000000002,108.16666666666669,2.0571428571428574,19.03174603174603,3.1291,-0.6662253968253968,141,5,27,0,7,45,30,36,0.063,0.685,0.251,0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,7,3,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023284181448008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144591217427621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41854363855164506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871996005921937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208615172669108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548570937404185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726852985146827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276630705029196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flane,2018/01/07,"It is all meaningless. Tomorrow I have to go to the job I hate to work for people i can't stand for a company that cares little less than shit about it's products. I feel physically sick when I think about my job. It isn't bad pay or horrible work conditions but it is morally questionable and pointless.

I can't just quit, if I quit my family would disown/throw me out and I am not stable enough at the moment to be able to go through a job application process. I have worked at my current place for far to long and have become part of the equipment.

I got out of a meaningless loveless relationship that lasted for 7 years, guess that kinda gave me perspective on how utterly futile life is. Also made the mistake to start talking with my ex after a mutual acquaintance guilt tripped me into it. Should never have done that. 

If I wouldn't be such a fucking pussy I would have killed myself ages ago. 


Every single fucking night I hope I don't wake up again. 

Sorry for bad English. 

Edit
Can't sleep, all I can think is that I want to die. Have to work up courage to go through with it.",3.5192876416621672,5.033729935779816,4.567139773340529,85.15856718834324,73.03669724770644,7.8817053426875345,26.126281705342695,8.4952907291091,1.7158831084727466,858,29,174,15,17,280,128,218,0.187,0.73,0.083,-0.9748,4,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,6,8,12,5,1,9,0,24,7,3,2,3,32,41,10,2,9,6,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,4,0,1,4,8,9,0,0,4,1,24,3,33,31,6,30,1,0,0,2,5,11,3,7,14,122,35,9,0.12393521927495316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986109406401566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991109500776186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696146263403675,0.0,0.13687671259352713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636021590019147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286251907597278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682875870733856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805821148342267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442076752132494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168350947803738,0.0,0.06266537070209574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291522263083537,0.0,0.0,0.2113057236066146,0.0,0.0991223165519248,0.0,0.13652861661152954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236037064631836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309563703562415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689597448370161,0.0,0.1371159575973422,0.0,0.0,0.10102374512245392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753911057377206,0.0,0.12421564866384376,0.0,0.10967876904442432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727050110619795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558648146875867,0.0,0.0,0.11630480768754285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342097650758223,0.0,0.08592107614584643,0.0,0.12948592587554353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883580949533794,0.2636407223731897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306004404026633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721772158878242,0.0,0.0,0.12402472380812002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387353312524604,0.0877219860938847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961443467053928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882536845313805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310020337917562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609052627740138,0.0,0.0,0.17608004779554245,0.0,0.0,0.07981021783729364
suicidewatch,Henry3114,2018/01/07,"I'm tired of trying I am really tired of trying.
I can't talk to people. I get nervous and get silent very quick.
I have no friends though I tell people that I have.
I have an obsession of that I must be the best looking guy on the room ( even though I'm not that good looking) and it's killing me slowly inside.
I hate the year 2018. I miss 2006. I miss my childhood. I miss my old home. I miss my old friends. I miss my dog I had. I miss my cat I had. I miss my happiness. I wish I could turn back time to the golden days even just for an hour. Just to feel happiness again only for an hour. 
I would've kill myself already if I wasn't afraid of the pain. Every night I'm wishing to not wake up at the next morning but I keep getting disappointed over and over.
I can't stand it anymore.
Please tell my how to be brave. Please tell me how to finally end my life. Please.",-0.9344680851063814,1.156953808510643,1.1513106382978722,100.2022,93.36170212765957,4.2845957446808525,16.56255319148936,5.927762680638738,-0.6624432340425535,668,17,163,6,25,220,99,188,0.179,0.672,0.14800000000000002,0.2881,0,6,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,22,3,3,9,0,13,5,1,2,1,17,34,9,2,5,6,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,2,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,15,0,0,3,3,35,7,17,27,1,22,0,8,2,0,7,6,0,1,15,99,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055026285897046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083378105517424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399965766297651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464178773145707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722012393561059,0.0,0.0,0.07045146785943676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967551841497847,0.0,0.0,0.1443054236355322,0.0,0.0920403325972172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552355790774178,0.0,0.0,0.11966827799860873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879879532942535,0.0,0.17122188739796068,0.0,0.0,0.09162624611389024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816585718285517,0.0,0.2325783502000529,0.0,0.1078529633361099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095777235092688,0.0,0.2151609438277004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709850301025733,0.2417181685447389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716021480908114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834700105239639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617914199007875,0.10251536582539192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22926030208298875,0.0,0.0,0.08308277401276495,0.11624022529327348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146803865350844,0.0,0.0,0.3597417477287267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699826416173365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780385277945588,0.2864445915033855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146576389518008,0.0,0.06369935997070318,0.2511131333656801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833506309316966,0.11882294009204575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013534258833136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124373206224754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760173836840419,0.0,0.0,0.07034768244641282
suicidewatch,frozenfruit123,2018/01/07,"Don’t even know anymore I’ve been depressed as long as I can remember. Every day feel like I’m just waking up to wait around to go back to sleep again. Nothing feels fulfilling. 

Going on and off anti depressants has been hell. Being prescribed over 250 mg of Zoloft has ruined any energy or will to live I had before. 

I have a plan to kill myself and it would be so easy. Lay down, get crushed by a train, end. I keep bitching out, thinking that someone would try to stop me or I’d fail. I keep cutting deeper and deeper hoping one day I won’t be able to stop the bleeding. ",1.8555855161787351,3.814391076271189,3.1936363636363647,91.27224191063179,78.91525423728814,5.6468412942989215,21.7442218798151,6.574015621080383,0.39851525423728784,449,13,94,4,11,146,90,118,0.258,0.659,0.083,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,4,0,3,0,15,4,2,0,0,21,27,8,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,5,5,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,3,2,8,2,18,17,0,17,1,4,0,0,0,7,2,3,9,57,10,1,0.17745441565970052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067508781979848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598709691050385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797205245802307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645149203493515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100063759111054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288868353259616,0.0,0.3056824563623952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717194101342258,0.0,0.0,0.11720696793077877,0.0,0.14951299873948726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945256893229666,0.12677347000435885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271260802128654,0.0,0.20170286771604293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625227492400006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154592763524549,0.19632701886842915,0.0,0.0975243060126766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669526392256778,0.0,0.15669550014312192,0.15704157369403196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027229779753913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024770460738733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010212602715126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775825711164378,0.0,0.15035655052711955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967196747485041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370562425948028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047989981916568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211705093747194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Torttle,2018/01/07,"Spiraling down the drain I'm having a ""bad day."" I don't know why I'm posting. I just want my life to end. I don't like this world at all. Everyone just puts their problems on me, when I don't really care. I'm such a simple guy. I don't start fights, I'm a nice guy. I get over things quickly, but still, I'm a fucking loser. It's not enough to just chill, I have to work hard. What if I don't want to or can't find a shitty fucking ""career."" I want to skip this life and go on to nothingness. Goodbye judgemental people, goodbye family problems, goodbye north korea, goodbye child labor, fuck it all, the world can't get their shit together, the world is mean. Who would want to live here? If you become rich you just live in a protected bubble. I want out of this. But I don't want to end my life, my survival instinct is too strong. I can't fucking die by my own hands, I just cant. I'm stuck.. I just sat in the bathroom for 4 hours, I don't know what I'm supposed to do on the Earth. I'm tired of being stuck. Im getting worse...  .__. If I put in effort and my life doesn't seem to improve in 10 years, I really will kill myself, because I can't just exist like this ",0.4654578392621858,2.146279885375492,2.6532658102766824,94.81584074440052,82.16205533596838,5.639591567852437,20.027832674571805,6.6274283507984215,0.06618326745718006,893,24,212,9,24,303,127,253,0.161,0.6940000000000001,0.145,-0.8,0,0,0,0,1,2,46.0,0,2,2,5,13,17,7,0,11,0,21,11,2,0,2,33,52,9,2,12,14,0,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,3,10,3,0,1,5,0,1,3,15,11,0,0,3,2,29,6,25,46,4,28,0,1,0,4,9,15,5,5,11,123,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220147535735053,0.06731494052889946,0.12195734106791845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125871279047962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121592653770717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460522365111232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195610121290906,0.11410004432828527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551720762644017,0.0,0.0,0.10410023175488256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092777708038288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083499039511901,0.17307979130980475,0.0,0.06275789775875013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867909847929526,0.0,0.0,0.09892041151273594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874781203983666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927951802076972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217050869867327,0.0,0.12137498083275525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31198987651702603,0.10789757371382416,0.0,0.19501716140362246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202867794431148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655579820622549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575801684529393,0.0,0.0,0.2113264033308496,0.0,0.22201816959300646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414840262598545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052809506758167,0.0,0.0,0.1133511666645648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781604114717248,0.0,0.0881867076444555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336242832273987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691896281071113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907942965633405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996426976840437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039177262396241,0.0,0.11253398913702492,0.07844378359680106,0.0,0.0,0.07111101496419181
suicidewatch,chubbylittlemonkey,2018/01/07,"ALL RIGHT COOL KIDS THE NOTE IS WRITTEN This isnt even a throwaway account people know this username lol. Anyway I have awhile till I walk to the tree, anything you guys would like to ask?",0.7479279279279254,3.2384924864864857,0.8474324324324343,99.97042792792796,97.1081081081081,2.466666666666667,19.68018018018018,3.1291,-0.7425819819819819,150,5,30,0,6,44,32,37,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.8091,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600732734653766,0.0,0.4090580296161346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890031905949933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332515999986341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404706485954973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137689279522566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033478946334703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37367247520146185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108289268576667,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicideismyoneside,2018/01/07,"I'm a dropout and I'm uncertain of my future, probably going to end it soon Posting this on a throwaway because it's embarrassing.

So, I'm officially a high school dropout. I've been this way for about 2 months, and I'm completely uncertain of my future. I'm incredibly lazy and I lack any sort of responsibility or motivation, so the fact that I had to go to this uncomfortable, stuffy room every day and do work was a bit too much for me. I decided I couldn't take it one day and had a sort of mental breakdown, I shit talked my teacher a bit and told her I was planning on killing myself when I was an adult. Later that day, when I got home, I looked into home schooling and saw that my state had very half-assed requirements for it, so I had my mom send out an affidavit of intent and I was on my merry way...to do nothing. I don't do any work whatsoever and to be honest I've completely stopped caring about educating myself. School makes me want to kill myself, but being out of school has pretty much the same effect. I read all these horror stories about dropouts not being able to find work, being limited to McDonalds or making much less than their colleagues. Oh well, so much for a career.

I know I wouldn't be able to handle a job anyway, I'd probably quit after my first day, though I am slightly worried that at some point I'll run out of mommy's inheritance money and spend the last of it on some barbiturates. I want to die so fucking bad but at the same time I want to continue playing vidya and jerking off to hot anime girls, I'm such a fucking faggot, I know. I also have a gun nearby but I'm too much of a pussy to use it.

TL;DR I'm incompetent and lazy, uncertain of my future, lacking any motivation to continue and seeing other people fail the path I've chosen. Give me a few reasons not to kill myself, please, because I'm such an autistic attention whore. I'm 14 by the way.",5.240009011038524,5.2549197253886035,6.6070308628069405,77.58510813246228,68.06735751295336,9.510970939400767,30.25411128632575,9.318704503766252,2.4818811894570847,1498,52,301,27,23,512,192,386,0.195,0.736,0.069,-0.9953,1,0,0,1,0,4,41.0,0,0,1,15,19,18,7,4,21,0,23,4,1,8,2,58,53,27,4,7,7,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,15,17,0,3,9,2,3,4,5,14,1,2,12,4,37,4,45,34,16,42,0,1,3,3,9,14,3,9,20,193,52,17,0.17603927107519948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038927073880008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795691114624433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734927190912632,0.10731190571000114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921892902426456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974188463178054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184573826435056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706153295593626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135048517974843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795927147436038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416033919617984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044835227121855,0.07486945702343067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627454694499994,0.0,0.08443645484375979,0.10004717457862976,0.0,0.07039734328614887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092997577558805,0.1765817422532495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734590661849949,0.0,0.2921420565851886,0.0,0.09674657955826298,0.07174775078740525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391432553990587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750758041003817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870309018268062,0.0,0.0,0.1030875333328043,0.07025643332980602,0.0,0.323522798946018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445721420102495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964438300634986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102173257609396,0.0,0.0,0.0966191280198088,0.08320700604350112,0.0,0.08429847997047946,0.08954761297191445,0.18980010851139065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361971694533257,0.08804345490102433,0.0,0.0,0.09049884498225008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563222812324801,0.07014025358283743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035089100319578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358835656781465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617981174547502,0.0707468489205868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647884501559241,0.0,0.0513249573171331,0.0,0.0,0.08410653375479023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760207043778201,0.0,0.07262541748047344,0.15574878465059028,0.20959766913884548,0.0,0.0,0.07914022308157508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192238028940517,0.08938821246321649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZUCCYTHELIZARD,2018/01/07,"It's been 3 days Since I've had food or even the slightest hint of a will to live. I have no money or family or anything and I don't think I can do this much longer. I really hope things get better with America so no one else takes their life because too little social security income ruined their life. $700 a month isn't enough to live on when you have rent electric and water. 
I want to die so bad but I can't do it lol. I'm fucking pathetic and I hate myself for it. I honestly just kind of want to become a criminal or something so I could go to jail and have food every day. I don't care if it's not even good food lol. I just want to be able to survive. But no that's completely wrong for me to want. Nothing is stable. It's wrong for me to want to die too? Lol? You know what? I think I can do it lol. We have trains and stuff here. I could just sleep outside for a few days or something as well.",-0.3394335312928263,1.6111333869346751,1.9909936043855647,96.89908976701693,86.98994974874374,5.226222019186843,17.085655550479668,6.574015621080383,-0.3353638190954782,700,16,170,8,22,237,111,199,0.275,0.623,0.102,-0.9927,2,0,2,0,0,2,18.0,1,2,2,2,13,14,2,0,5,4,20,8,1,0,0,30,36,18,2,9,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,11,7,4,1,3,0,2,1,8,6,1,1,2,0,22,8,19,30,3,8,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,7,5,111,33,0,0.1164935475648876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586426375237074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726724627794864,0.07101338534153884,0.12865797085221262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302907607341426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877293563035887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214126823929275,0.0,0.0,0.18602123712864935,0.0,0.0,0.2253861027258461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418038208262452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731541086493192,0.0,0.0,0.12036897532268614,0.0,0.15388577897958947,0.0,0.09815083814892564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981974898394573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225933803709605,0.0,0.0,0.10769640757172162,0.06086307050879024,0.0,0.06620596767598275,0.09770926069849917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501326048668138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570437791558134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213101032787508,0.06402180717219788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456567553714888,0.0,0.11675713861305324,0.20573187352104952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298403825302068,0.0,0.0856361613795686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177870073686172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893904270667543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462874955783394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636466635677936,0.0,0.11657767781174355,0.1187505013640306,0.0,0.17936484855049514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335724112472885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758864996792101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739313666684633,0.14928872295258566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435545629875665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474168957347048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25473481359747296,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pdiggidy,2018/01/07,"Nothing stopping me anymore I finally managed to isolate myself from anyone who would even remotely care if I killed myself and with that got rid of the one thing that stopped me everytime so far, not wanting to put others through that. Now that that's gone I can go in peace.

Goodbye ",5.293888888888887,6.942469314814815,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,68.81481481481481,7.622222222222224,35.72222222222222,8.07648339933343,2.9172,229,12,40,3,4,71,45,54,0.136,0.7290000000000001,0.135,-0.0145,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,7,1,7,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,32,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27703379410427714,0.1953235435444325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848094223776013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845038164237368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060072648601885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875740808857378,0.0,0.2234165992893074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090523105222989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680377227524468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892904560875599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808174780539135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467087523597072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855834785348284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476409565929395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843768209639812,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,othiel,2018/01/07,"I'm almost 26. Still alone. Despite having a job for 9 months, I've still not made a friend. I'll be 26 in three months, and I still have never even dated. There are a few cute girls at work, but they're all in relationships. Not that I have it in me to confess that I like them anyway, I'm a fucking door mat. And if I did, they'd probably report me because I'm ugly and awkward as sin. They work me to near death at work, and all I have to look forward to is drinking alone on my weekends.

Why did I have to be born? Some people aren't meant for life, they're no good at it, so why are they thrust into it in the first place?",1.886739130434784,2.5494534710144947,3.4731594202898566,94.74104347826088,75.8840579710145,6.0997101449275375,21.046376811594204,5.6839178017228535,-0.16713275362318836,481,10,119,2,10,160,83,138,0.177,0.758,0.064,-0.9427,1,2,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,4,7,7,1,1,5,0,14,3,0,1,3,17,21,8,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,2,2,0,1,5,3,0,2,4,1,14,4,18,14,4,22,2,0,1,1,8,12,1,3,12,78,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158036426140846,0.3549298975599554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445220728155004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785589853578942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131737996037816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574860062968129,0.0,0.0,0.13238311183799653,0.15840855119154074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371865110670534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003654315795352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210282256645202,0.08371202326097446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388924325384875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213370890616205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735368266353835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215421282957993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879119315879336,0.0,0.17902228791824168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184742225432726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396372697281368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105164259516008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092300054285354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742303580099433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,latenightjazz,2018/01/07,"Constant and intrusive suicidal thoughts fuelled by guilt. So I've been struggling with biological depression for quite some time (medicated for it) but lately the idea has become more and more appealing. It has gotten to the point where any time something bad happens I think something along the lines of ""Well if it gets much worse you can kill yourself don't worry."" 

I don't really see it as a way of avoiding problems of life as I do avoiding being a problem to others. The thing is I *know* generally speaking I'm quite a considerate person. It's just that I have this constant, overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame that never goes away. I definitely think there's some Catholic guilt element to it despite not being religious since I became a teenager, but it doesn't change the fact that I *always* feel like I am a horrible person and need to stop existing.

I upset a friend recently and that has caused quite the downward spiral too. I apologised, we talked about it and I am completely and genuinely remorseful but I feel like I need to die. Sometimes I wish I would fall victim to a freak accident, a lot of the time I wish I could take someone's cancer away and have it myself so at least in death I could help someone a final time.

I was seeing a therapist for a while but had to stop when I moved for work. I tried to find a new one but the last one I spoke to said ""I don't know why you're here you're obviously not weak, you made it this far. You have a family that loves you.""
Since then the idea of opening up to anyone completely seems pointleas and I feel like I simply have to accept the fact that I am always going to be miserable because that's how I *should* feel.

I stay up all night thinking about times I've even slightly upset someone even though it's almost always unintentional and due to ignorance on my behalf. Guilt consumes me every single day. Sometimes I read suicide notes online to feel understood.

I just don't know what to do other than accept that **this is how I am supposed to be.**",3.939596518987344,5.768226759493673,4.877733386075949,82.07723299050635,72.54430379746836,7.874208860759494,27.280458860759488,8.567472430010655,2.03014082278481,1610,59,304,29,32,524,206,395,0.25,0.639,0.11,-0.9967,0,2,2,0,0,1,39.0,1,4,0,4,17,29,2,12,23,0,32,5,0,4,5,74,63,26,5,11,10,0,6,3,1,2,4,3,0,2,26,14,0,5,21,1,0,3,8,21,1,2,9,11,40,8,41,46,9,38,0,3,2,1,14,12,0,6,24,209,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057214321139264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085516367785625,0.0,0.0,0.05471764779642018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626165043196631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119540865828265,0.0,0.06718330373336028,0.04904954153735888,0.08886514077701005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265773897360966,0.08511926059354963,0.0,0.16872799912622952,0.17390399046016786,0.0,0.1284864304594052,0.0,0.0,0.05189202455483287,0.0,0.06930272555408881,0.0,0.08350796470599572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629019968229893,0.0,0.06779360805794804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585342275267518,0.0,0.2441072794824825,0.17244850300802034,0.0,0.08814336179237722,0.0735417896128456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216556942104552,0.0,0.04203863385267839,0.0,0.045729017789053715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115322836823604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053932700718110266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166602738357865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902046698657033,0.0,0.13266119936769033,0.06558814251177593,0.09076584934374164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683344695553697,0.11793057712168015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840682597779156,0.07262106349043086,0.07613610374132856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105807936235915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551951109743186,0.05914961573068552,0.1193246959034129,0.062058081109277,0.0777117358236132,0.0,0.07550914185738078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904771925851464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051450080587466,0.0,0.0,0.07606361050299787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539845852447436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567471427132382,0.08048484592064989,0.0,0.05154670395887941,0.0,0.07944757594012422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653880682667541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823730074645912,0.07325055828537809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311976840613338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452829803396586,0.1238888069764138,0.1591600702400221,0.0,0.0,0.08576292823553064,0.0,0.13454146129482478,0.0,0.08411747270708461,0.0,0.17602708100814654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049821599322774,0.06467316896123619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342382766826683,0.053456089346953985,0.1546724617261452,0.07905455918671292,0.06387869093549861,0.2345933202074587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546291437939316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638678408858119,0.0,0.0,0.07234596447864207,0.0,0.07260540677221185,0.0,0.1850571224354648,0.0,0.0,0.058578074341283565,0.08171415484901189,0.08199874398123366,0.05715865737453976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,command-r,2018/01/07,"I know how I’m going to do it. I’ve done my research. 

First off, I’m going to take all of my prescribed benzos, and then I’ll wash it down with a couple of beers.


Before I start getting drowsy, I’ll start tying my knots. I’ve already got pretty good rope. 


I’ll then tie it to the overhanging railing of the 16th floor building that’s close to where I stay. 


I’ll fix the noose around my neck, and then I’ll jump. If the noose fails, I’ll be falling off at least 45 metres, so that ought to do it. 


If none of those works, I’ll just have to hope I die of respiratory depression from my overdose and alcohol.",2.1346923076923083,3.2264038538461577,3.640000000000004,92.12000000000003,75.84615384615384,6.430769230769231,22.23076923076923,6.742157984588678,0.3242923076923079,471,12,110,4,10,156,78,130,0.094,0.835,0.071,-0.4588,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,5,0,6,4,1,1,1,14,17,10,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,2,0,1,2,0,9,2,18,13,3,19,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,3,6,61,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507996398893473,0.0,0.0,0.25897324409609124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089133645688939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996938747098297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596669794417875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021280012973228,0.0,0.24355893456537256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401572908118069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996171684062088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260968049921847,0.0,0.2667460736382483,0.19683695114145747,0.18769360549393432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23308841782048045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897300870208395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387521113368637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322128946093576,0.2501357505214422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764488103894405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084853433662778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Charcoes,2018/01/07,"Pain repeats, thoughts always there This is unbearable. It always comes back again and again. Pain, unwellness, whatever it is it hurts like hell. Suicidal thoughts always there as a means of escape.

I just don't think I can keep dodging this. Lost a friend to it and seems like I will go too. 

Why does it have to be like this? Medication makes it worse at times to the most extreme levels.

Lonely. Hurt. Ruminating. The past. Relationships. Crippling loneliness. 

It's just not feasible to keep surviving this. Why is it on repeat?",1.950716911764708,4.6228815104166685,2.5915196078431357,86.54073529411768,98.47916666666666,6.4254901960784325,22.31372549019608,7.5105763829236425,1.6917924019607842,419,16,75,10,17,130,65,96,0.289,0.591,0.12,-0.9707,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,15,19,3,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,12,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,3,0,3,4,8,14,1,12,1,4,0,0,2,3,1,2,10,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39886815300993866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286677125297095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764283517837803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983117135388126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345147319962692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081095317884216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421117775479645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840530518882225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341923932578816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442699821311347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665943768745212,0.0,0.0,0.1740554971747664,0.0,0.16096915712683607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400504613674722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253530724125355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155204160693716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546459426403455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747816570801732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238541710111146,0.0,0.25370694985965203,0.0931734117522558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883668407371913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283717561469555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VitaminLight_MJ,2018/01/07,"Never thought I’d post here I want a stranger to talk to please. Please PM me if ever.  Anyone, I could use someone who doesn’t know anything about me or my past that’s why. Lately I’ve been thinking of never waking up, and I’m scared that it will grow into much more lethal thoughts.",1.3687005649717534,3.5138221694915264,2.0450000000000017,97.91518361581923,81.54237288135593,3.9333333333333336,20.002824858757066,3.1291,-0.6276463276836162,224,6,49,0,6,69,50,59,0.052000000000000005,0.8420000000000001,0.106,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,1,3,14,11,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,6,6,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269086144839727,0.0,0.17970164558938626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435236613792407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753008165575944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120011604451151,0.0,0.2463332593335547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052863204184525,0.0,0.33684407733002386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846089477455912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794140165894089,0.0,0.0,0.20914012423473624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862858420797035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185025985892734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551923566888825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992403494495192,0.0,0.3467261366223779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860339550081007,0.0,0.0,0.1288015322958789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970468697726198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheFarewellTour,2018/01/07,"I don't need a reason It's weird. I've been thinking about killing myself for more than a year now, and the truth is, I don't have a reason. Family will miss me, friends will miss. I have some books I want to read still, movies I want to see. But nothing matters. More than sadness I feel this constant emptiness. I go through the motions every single day. Nothing makes me feel truly happy.

Ian Curtis said that a gun wouldn't set him free but ended up hanging himself. I know I won't live to see my 23rd birthday like he did. Any day now.",1.4795085995086017,3.5681797027027082,2.4841932841932852,95.22515970515973,80.8018018018018,4.396723996723997,22.703521703521705,4.851557810540192,-0.028971171171170432,421,14,90,1,11,133,78,111,0.146,0.725,0.129,0.0703,0,0,0,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,1,0,6,0,11,0,0,3,1,17,25,3,1,4,2,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,2,1,3,4,5,0,0,3,5,15,6,9,18,4,13,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,1,9,54,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296684926215391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060566308308649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459448047964259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888530219298745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065557128763616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975551553528654,0.0,0.1928264112412444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731838820589785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836746542599146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298170740017032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095844268673505,0.0,0.10479238078955637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931562959129789,0.0,0.16837335419616944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272799427970725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413863175175758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659239465163305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907309445800096,0.0,0.0,0.39210024654913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137972131388794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30389349972635715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522767704620907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217962436733312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493523489425585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279124589486075
suicidewatch,TemporarySolitary,2018/01/07,"Considering not doing therapy if I can't be honest with them about suicide I'm having severe difficulty communicating here. I have severe this and that, I've typed and retyped all these paragraphs a thousand times and I give up.

i don't know what the fuck to write... i keep fuck fucking everything up. idk what to write

idk what to do

are therapists/psychiatrists helpful in new york? what are the consequences of being honest with them? I've already got a method, I just lack the courage for now.

hard time writing

me: no loved ones, no friends, no family, too stupid, too weak, coward, etc.

Maybe I'll post in future. in too much mental pain, too much to say. I'm a stupid piece of shit",2.5141353383458664,5.046243533834591,3.55259398496241,86.51280075187971,79.82706766917293,6.506766917293232,23.033834586466163,7.7094869923839395,1.1719714285714282,542,18,106,9,14,174,88,133,0.358,0.561,0.08,-0.9906,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,0,8,13,6,0,6,0,10,7,1,0,1,15,20,4,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,1,2,9,5,15,17,6,11,0,0,0,4,10,5,4,1,5,70,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853457640804999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873175015360968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094976709374794,0.0,0.15833579860033162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297638883326258,0.4658232291647697,0.0,0.16112056119481158,0.0,0.0,0.13433130841265253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045732454873098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257866723718143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928873487868696,0.0,0.0,0.09230529171878077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158859898062055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873632649589004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692621000774254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693682377808146,0.0,0.0,0.16221482572209758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138126473912658,0.0,0.1787190908001246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608572793095779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356689576782454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794893312853552,0.17240641248881147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837187264283812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207454284865125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958752517864003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akselj2,2018/01/07,Someone please talk to me i really need someone that i can trust and talk with. i dont want to give out the details in public,0.33999999999999986,2.4711741111111145,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,85.66666666666667,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.12313333333333355,99,3,22,1,3,33,22,27,0.046,0.746,0.209,0.6573,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658436238715965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994477561607212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23145915983868215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34265272199399344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997464398204687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289762544432718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017971255167379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184117251940836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swta12345,2018/01/07,"1 month from now I'll likely be dead If nothing changes I'll be homeless in a month.

I can't do that. I refuse to live like that. It isn't worth it. I wouldn't survive in my area anyway.

I hate this world. I hate my family. All I fucking wanted was help. That's all I ever asked for. Instead I get ignored, belittled, demeaned, berated, and now kicked out.

What else am I supposed to do? I've been abandoned my entire life by everyone I've ever known. First all my friends left, and now my own family is getting rid of me. I've begged for help from everyone I know and all they did was ignore me.

I guess some people were just never meant to live.",-0.07919117647058728,2.161119463235295,2.019705882352941,94.83117647058823,89.66176470588232,4.964705882352941,19.764705882352946,6.522977012572876,0.17326176470588273,501,16,111,6,17,167,85,136,0.174,0.7290000000000001,0.097,-0.8945,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,3,0,1,0,14,2,0,0,7,24,24,4,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,6,0,19,3,12,15,6,15,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,3,11,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963705326398986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806408769640174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264762549388285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089234328771992,0.0,0.3263359819231449,0.0,0.0,0.3219536615148641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452479176292437,0.0,0.0,0.13192834264394626,0.1578643780855013,0.17842955008217076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811080738312905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371792476220564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22891294606700605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384493875915216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553066338141053,0.0,0.12061246335255595,0.16684890292814522,0.0,0.3015674802721399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27259715902623805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170022996103697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163848316512123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838311561458813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071835940924947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canehdian_loser,2018/01/07,"There's no other option Warning: very long unorganized rant

You know that ugly loner at school who no one likes? The one who everyone knows will end up as a loser leeching off of her parents, living in their basement doing nothing but playing video games? That's me. I legitimately have no redeeming qualities. I'm lazy, slobby, ugly, I have no direction in life. Everyone knows this. My classmates scorn at me behind my back and my teachers dislike me.

I tried to change. I wanted to work hard, to study and get good grades. My parents are always so supportive of me. Every hobby I tried to start, every toy I wanted, they handed to me, even though I never deserved it. I asked them to help me focus on fixing my bad habits (playing on my phone too much) and establish better study habits and work ethic in me. We set schedules and created plans. They are so supportive of me. None of it worked. Every time I try to sit down and do work, I just don't. And when I finally do, I give up after 20 minutes and just lie in my bed for hours. Mostly, I dick around on Youtube. I just can't work. I'm a lazy, selfish loser who can't do shit. I'm so lucky to be raised in a stable, middle-class family, in a fantastic neighbourhood and good school, and I've done shit. I'm just one of those people who are good at nothing but failing.

When it isn't a school day, I will stay in bed until noon. I just can't get up. What's the point of getting up when there's nothing to live for? The only reason I get up on these days is because I have to make lunch for my little sister and feed the dog. If I lived alone, I could probably just rot in bed forever and ever. 

I have no hobbies. No interests. No goals. Everyone I know at school at least has some idea of what they want to do. Everyone does some sport, some activity, volunteering, has a job. I'm literally the only person who does nothing. I can't commit. My mom signed me up for a volunteering group - I quit, because I was bored and lazy. I wanted to try learning the guitar - my parents bought my a guitar, I stopped after two weeks. I wanted to do voice acting - my parents bought a microphone, I managed to actually land some roles, but those projects were cancelled and I just couldn't pick it up ever since. Even so, that was years ago. For all of 2017, I haven't picked up any hobbies or interests. I'm just so boring. I have no personality.

My resume is shit. My grades and EC's - all shit. No college wants me. I'm an out-of-shape, stupid girl - I can't even go to trades or the military. My life path is a dead-end. 

I have no social skills and I'm ugly. I can feel people getting weirded out by me every time I talk to them. I can feel teachers getting uncomfortable talking to me (one has brought this up to my parents in parent-teacher interviews). I'm so unorganized and awkward whenever I talk and I stutter all the time. I don't have a stutter. I don't have Aspergers or anything. I'm just that bad at socializing. As a result, I have no friends. 

I just have no future. I just can't see myself going anywhere. Nothing can fix my bad habits or my social skills. Even my parents; they want the best for me, but I just don't deserve it. My dad has (finally) grown tired of me. He knows I have depression and he also suspects that I am nothing but a loser. Yet he still shows me love. He confuses me. One moment he's telling me I'm a loser, the next he tells me that he loves me so much and he wants the best for me. My mom thinks I am such a hard working little angel. She'll see me lying facedown on my bed doing nothing and assume that I am tired from working so much. I don't deserve them. I'm an asshole to my sister too. I'm an incredibly cranky jerk and anytime she tries to show me affection, I push her away. I'm really mean to her. If she had reddit, she'd probably write about me in r/raisedbynarcissists or something. Yeah. When trying to talk to someone about depression and stuff, you naturally assume they are some poor, misguided soul who needs love and deserves to be happy or whatever. I'm a legitimately bad person. I'm everything everyone hates. You hate bullies? I'm a bully to my sister. You hate lazy leeches who are going nowhere in life. That's me. You probably know someone like me, and you probably thought at some point that people like me don't deserve to live. I know I thought that about others before. Or maybe it's just me, because I'm so fucking horrible. See, I'm so fucking selfish as well. Here I am talking about how I BULLY my sister, and I manage to make it all about ME and how I am the one suffering.

I'm sorry. Those paragraphs must have been a chore to read, because it's nothing but just me dumping on myself. I don't want to just write something like ""there's nothing in life for me, there's no hope, I want to die"" and hear some bullshit like ""you're so young, try something new, get support from you parents! ""exercise, pick up a hobby."" ""It'll get better, you have so much ahead of you."" ""You're underestimating yourself, you probably have some good qualities you're overlooking"" or whatever. I want you to fully know my situation - that there is no future ahead of me and I need to end my life so I can stop suffering and hurting everyone around me. 

It's funny - being a girl, I have the privilege of having some classmates pretend to care about me when I say I'm depressed (let's face it - if I was a boy, no one would even pretend to give a shit). But they don't understand. They'll message me asking if I'm okay and I tell them I'm not. They just say some stuff like, ""Don't worry! You're so smart and nice blah blah blah what are you talking bout! You have such a bright future!"" They don't understand. No one understands. Here I am, born into a loving, financially stable home, and I'm doing jackshit with it. I'm just wasting my life away. These people who tell me everything's gonna be okay - they're straight A, club leader, varsity sports, honours students. They can't understand. 

I've set up a noose. I'm actually really proud of myself for actually doing something productive for once. Isn't that fucking messed up? I'm proud of myself for creating a simple noose, something anyone could do if they tried. There isn't a day goes by where I don't wish that I did this earlier, and I know in the future, wherever slum-hole I've ended up in, I wish I did this earlier. So I'm finally gonna do it. 

I don't even know why I posted here. Do I have some sort of internal hope that someone will know the right thing to say to drag me out of this? Yet I already know there's nothing anyone can say, and I'd lost all hope in myself a long time ago. I don't think anyone will even comment. You can't say bullshit like ""it will get better"" or anything like that because you know that it won't work on me, and it doesn't apply to me. Probably some other people got turned off by my post, because they, like me, truly believe that there really is no hope for me, and because I'm a fucking BULLY and a FUCKING LOSER and not the typical depressed OP who just needs love and time. I'm legitimately a person who most people would agree deserves to die. I notice that posters on this sub who get worthwhile replies are people who actually deserve to live. And then there's me. What can you say about someone is actually legitimately worthless and hopeless? I've seen past posts before where people try to cheer up the OP and the OP replies shutting down everything the commenter says and OP is just too hopeless, and the commenter eventually gets mad and annoyed with them. I think I'm probably going to receive similar comments on this post. 

I've also had people get mad at me when I try to tell them how I feel. ""Your problem is that you are so negative, that's why you have no friends and are never successful. You need to start thinking positive."" -Dad ""No one wants to hear you constantly whine about your problems. Maybe that's why people don't talk to you."" -Facebook friend who messaged me, ""Are you ok?"" I'm just so damn hopeless and I've been faced with rejection my whole life. I'm worthless. 

To anyone who actually read this far, sorry for putting you through all that. I really needed to vent and I don't really expect anyone to read through all this. I just wanted it out there, even if no one cares. 

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suicidewatch,sirius_gray,2018/01/07,I had a plan for tonight. Then my cat came and groomed my forehead for a bit. Goddamn cats always ruining my plans. Maybe tomorrow.,1.100200000000001,3.6902173200000057,1.9515,92.20325,95.8,5.7,30.25,7.1686216300943375,2.2148,103,6,20,2,4,32,21,25,0.203,0.797,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059327002763119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326090223977378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579737608951875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901138176580908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,123Somethingclever95,2018/01/07,I want to die I want to kill myself. The only thing holding me back is my mom. I know it would hurt her. I just really don't want to be here anymore. I have nothing to live for.,-2.3181666666666665,-0.5413951499999996,0.875,100.66333333333333,100.5,3.6666666666666674,14.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.0833333333333337,134,3,34,1,6,47,31,40,0.273,0.638,0.08900000000000001,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270296304013053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957408026831414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828638075152276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29177034765955523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015361268503886,0.0,0.1497863191644655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066659026542955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192071955446429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615190180328373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072865108537208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460247053083808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107006943336448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822710482100641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361165745499026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,username9828,2018/01/07,"You make me want to fucking kill myself When I do, I hope you’re happy ",2.760625000000001,2.5619788125000014,4.662500000000001,90.1325,73.375,6.4,22.25,3.1291,-0.04605000000000015,55,1,13,0,1,19,14,16,0.228,0.411,0.361,0.228,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,8,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41377941756570413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764559888644866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444546769787356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4951796627735733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29876234555677794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26399359120751564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_wheaty,2018/01/07,"I hate everything I need to do. I hate school, I hate work, I hate everything.  I hate my friends, I hate my hobbies,  I hate looking at myself.",-0.4267241379310356,1.8128145172413817,1.8857758620689644,94.45556034482763,93.48275862068964,5.658620689655173,24.49137931034483,7.1686216300943375,1.2016827586206895,107,5,24,2,4,36,14,29,0.617,0.31,0.07400000000000001,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,11,1,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437046331875641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475028022883386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.937013759801254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138546929702057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053229987684607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721617437429087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987052762431162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Logistics_Assistant,2018/01/07,"Manipulation Tactics I'm not entirely sure what I'm expecting to get out of this...it's probably pointless and a waste of time. Maybe writing things out like this is helpful, or maybe it's self-defeating. I don't even know if there's any practical advice you can give me, seeing as how I'm not even willing to share with you how incredibly shallow my perspective is. I hope you can just take my word for it. I'd rather it not go any further. 

Where do people usually start with this sort of thing? Do they ever ask ""why does everyone hate me""? Not meaning to sound calloused, it's just kind of a cliche, and I was wondering if it was true? 

Anyways, the reason I ask is because I feel a little out of place for feeling the opposite. I know people love me. That's why I'm always trying to escape. I'm insincere, two-faced, hypocritical. Most of my social-development involved putting up walls, so I can hardly tell whether I'm honest with myself or not. I think that helps to make me manipulative. I didn't realize just how manipulative I was until my best friend became a drug addict and killed himself. Who knows, maybe I'm trying to manipulate you into relieving my conscience just enough so that I don't kill myself. (I'd probably end up stopping short of suicide to get the sympathy and attention of others so I could feel better about myself.) 

I work, take painkillers and use cannabis for a back injury I got while working. I don't really drink much, though I did for a while after my friend died. I'm also religious and feel so distant from the things I value most. Doubts, fear, frustration, pain, I'm friendless, I've lost all sense of community. I have no future, no hope. 

As these thoughts have eaten away at my conscience, I've been left feeling empty, anxious, and afraid. I just wanted to feel better. I just want to be happy again. It sucks when things get so much worse when you thought they were already bad. You realize the bad times were best times of your life, and the memories you'll cherish forever. Well, forever is too long. I don't want to remember anymore.  ",3.869306180618061,5.723885740099014,4.92761476147615,81.53913741374139,72.7871287128713,8.065286528652866,27.83648364836484,8.754623652393294,2.193715511551156,1645,63,313,32,33,539,214,404,0.16899999999999998,0.669,0.162,-0.6233,0,0,2,0,0,2,61.0,0,8,2,7,30,32,5,3,12,0,27,7,0,10,4,78,74,30,4,10,17,0,7,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,19,15,2,1,19,1,0,2,12,13,1,0,13,9,46,19,41,57,8,35,0,1,1,1,24,15,1,11,19,203,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224783963890512,0.0,0.08268928060782561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337981793630168,0.06767025277664535,0.07041027472755462,0.0,0.0,0.11508844114072235,0.0,0.0,0.09559604677235677,0.08391989187758497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821578120397148,0.0,0.07950288705234991,0.06506723878700138,0.14130764038182872,0.05158331453870593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760607090138755,0.14967829549786182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756185428659912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782177110943246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405117041462989,0.0,0.0,0.08289497978735527,0.09813185543529307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494783724254585,0.08743465312785079,0.0,0.11178087767482756,0.07654326058006743,0.0,0.08085764122310797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522056049282357,0.2567172329050624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130753765291818,0.0,0.13263072425347064,0.08117481802082993,0.0480912610847178,0.0,0.06767801349520246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007912335709292,0.07580252855113245,0.08354432285227599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343745029482995,0.0,0.0,0.16809268536684016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872380701235808,0.08811827775925468,0.13951413529224233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919394283595262,0.0,0.059769316465341636,0.04134085567864346,0.08481105606710823,0.0,0.07488567125685887,0.0,0.0,0.09237227468332357,0.0,0.07637248061348419,0.0,0.056484231091316575,0.0,0.25503524494765034,0.09217553681412397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441026510943536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004120619346173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732913340205815,0.0,0.08840945756401057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246845272287684,0.0,0.0,0.08506605655030687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420947394012296,0.08700302832612786,0.0,0.0,0.09585749593710316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743085473042543,0.0,0.08827668359794279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625901207256935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989417888128045,0.0,0.0,0.07074576335420088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925600933502876,0.0,0.07975295887381836,0.0,0.12724679606769973,0.0,0.07396124838736798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486997304085884,0.0542208142599309,0.08313831412962347,0.13435699921219016,0.14802708419678695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490228935804662,0.0,0.08266104033398718,0.0,0.0,0.0730841537000048,0.0931965195987857,0.0,0.14973247366165868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608317069519313,0.0,0.15271203021904367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176633196300343,0.12320813361799395,0.0,0.0862345879286388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,churromatsuisbae,2018/01/07,"2018 is the year I'll finally muster the courage to kill myself I'm tired of trying, tired of living with a mental illness and tired of having to deal with hiding myself from the world. I'm tired of being different, and I'm going to do something about it. I just hope I don't delay this for another worthless year more ",5.172692307692309,5.445548076923082,5.996730769230767,81.01201923076924,68.23076923076923,8.346153846153845,27.01923076923077,8.07648339933343,1.6667692307692308,255,7,49,3,4,84,43,65,0.308,0.589,0.103,-0.9436,1,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,0,5,5,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,12,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356365378354375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804771871263836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828984277195892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176756287795216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948953745224336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387216657504856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936758214473746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545794862176586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764173641090423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476825763513442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8048140141657676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885294087316578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22546331981174705
suicidewatch,Leonidos456,2018/01/07,"Wanna die really bad i got many health problems that make my life miserable: Kyphosis(which makes me look like a grandpa), ibs with constipation,  plus i got severe social anxiety, i can't sleep cause my back hurts so much, my sex drive is dead cause of antidepressents my mum forces me to take. give me a reason not to end it all tonight",4.693125000000002,6.5095658125,4.52075,85.44925000000002,70.5625,8.245000000000001,25.3,8.841846274778883,1.7412537499999998,268,8,52,5,5,82,53,64,0.329,0.638,0.033,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,2,4,1,5,1,11,9,2,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,10,1,6,7,2,4,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,4,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370890722090466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450076425549267,0.16776598209123872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128155653489563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853091367677454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796203356923254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927478659971079,0.0,0.0,0.3213999857141995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135764251080502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150969320384397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192096122524353,0.09816297596759896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872840695164842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26824119279318964,0.20370884173941994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770475433541935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226038118804772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287192342840032,0.20658682648162985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269907646531869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107250237264185,0.20482017583014625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510723953253868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simulatedsickness,2018/01/07,"Advice needed: I'm so calm, i'm a bit worried Calm about just killing myself. The only thing stopping me is friends and family (of course), but i'm strangely just...over it.
I've had depression and GAD for years...should i check myself in..or...just log it in my journal an take enough valium to passssss out?
currently on a bout 7X 5 mg valium and 8 X 0.25 clonazepam ( not high at all, just maintaining) also on ADD's",1.875,3.920788642857147,3.5359523809523807,88.4132142857143,79.23809523809524,7.057142857142857,23.595238095238088,8.07648339933343,1.3529809523809528,322,11,67,6,8,107,66,84,0.168,0.7609999999999999,0.071,-0.8296,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,7,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,9,6,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787765421012801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22814177283345946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114565965476921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457149723851676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947749705842805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689406733714584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040996297726714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014185541460349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315624838885277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153471327684145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169715857090592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385104711424117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449830945719295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895302300550125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897200815937845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgNO3-NaCl_AgCl,2018/01/07,"I'M TRYING but it's EXTREMELY HARD Hi. 26 m, I have severe depression and I've been 10 months clean from speedball and cocaine/morphine abuse. I'm on antidepressants and benzos. I'm tryng to restart my life, I went back to college and earn 1/3 of the minimum wage of my country. Every single day I have this extreme thoughts that I have already destroyed my life and I'm extremely old to change. It makes crazy. I feel like such a scum,worthless failure. I wish I was 20. I don't know how long I can endure this, I'm suffering a lot. I thought morphine detox was the worst but this sort of mental anguish is unbearable.",1.764564459930316,4.303138447154474,2.8982171893147486,89.9321341463415,83.22764227642277,5.790708478513357,26.67189314750291,7.1686216300943375,1.4362478513356574,491,22,97,7,14,157,84,123,0.316,0.613,0.071,-0.9909,1,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,4,0,9,3,0,2,0,16,21,8,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,6,2,13,1,8,15,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,53,19,3,0.0,0.2558279284376697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23827125991574485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602787741129604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284129764393265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924946832691595,0.0,0.18597015186439225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192051589849548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917480150457214,0.1542521069062366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934204240470688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866307419451945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501902130960296,0.10548679560785484,0.0,0.0,0.19108093841197651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356605333973594,0.0,0.0,0.14412717014163326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759490453699645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234396087019171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22656997890533065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392626812521326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428300910013017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465943811928445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015846653731534,0.0,0.0,0.2482954377894618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImInACycle,2018/01/07,"This is the closest to suicide I have ever been. You know it's bad when you don't allude to anything to friends or family.    
      
The only thing that stops me is the fear of dying, any sort of pain or mishap. It's terrifying. Other than that I would have peaced out. I really, really want to be done. ",0.5317330210772829,2.7810823606557413,2.8970960187353647,89.81295081967217,86.04918032786884,6.108665105386418,16.911007025761126,7.447530270364453,0.28727447306791554,228,5,49,4,7,78,45,61,0.279,0.652,0.069,-0.9444,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,9,11,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,3,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179361252014452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170464485278341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022294373682968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27373422846268586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699111442056915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385799114981943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486430872379612,0.2967957299313456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037751038757104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449518864605657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059622903934365,0.2806520501221094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379341668224193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050952405224256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885032426424597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752259371371105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556849831883124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736273876950654,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spud_Eatkins,2018/01/07,"I hate when everyone says the same thing to me. I had the urge to commit suicide for 2 weeks now. Whenever someone finds out about it, they all say, ""Don't do it! You are so important to me! You are the most unique and coolest friend ever! We need you in our lives!"" Yeah right fucking liars. When I wasn't suicidal, no one gave a shit about me. This is why I hate my fucking life.",0.3083825597749659,2.4871848734177213,1.724472573839666,98.33315049226444,86.34177215189872,5.536427566807316,20.17018284106892,6.937597516519254,0.19391026722925492,291,9,69,4,9,93,60,79,0.213,0.626,0.161,-0.8367,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,2,3,1,0,7,7,6,0,4,1,7,4,1,0,3,10,13,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,2,14,1,8,10,3,8,0,0,0,2,10,3,3,1,5,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280676424201156,0.0,0.19311071470199487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471143810284604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156138323376318,0.3736676868842084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990545272222596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274588332380472,0.0,0.0,0.17845384778914072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985110028961224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369450019649602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258827745509153,0.0,0.3214285797341373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744791583561667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123468738642403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44211890204507137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426313379930868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621086552186229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823595695663469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jraelee,2018/01/07,"Just called suicide hotline. Thanks, Tom. I called the suicide hotline because I’ve been sad for a long time. Had enough norco to overdose and almost did. Instead, I called a suicide hotline and was connected with Tom. He coached cross country. I run cross country and track for my university. He said he is now a fan of my team and will watch for my name on the leaderboards. Thanks for giving me even the slightest reason to keep going, Tom. ",3.042556894243642,5.785489132530124,3.0765461847389592,89.43107095046857,79.36144578313251,4.6527443105756365,28.49933065595717,5.82211442006289,1.151413386880857,350,16,63,2,9,106,54,83,0.175,0.715,0.11,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,12,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,7,2,9,6,1,8,0,1,1,0,10,1,0,1,3,37,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830398074766124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854531307443524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454654938571317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398627312317928,0.0,0.11760867318680153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708138787634475,0.10119708353886743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827022740743574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757980471118646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830780172336018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937831606473672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843147770215756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278722518251749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038297386233265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxxuire,2018/01/07,Shoutout to the Suicide Hotline for not connecting me. I really appreciate it. Lmao. ,3.780476190476186,6.418340857142859,5.61571428571429,63.112619047619035,104.71428571428572,10.438095238095238,40.38095238095238,8.841846274778883,6.581695238095239,68,5,9,3,3,23,14,14,0.208,0.462,0.33,0.3933,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053732981351723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8629008225352309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,legoelrond,2018/01/07,"i dont have the guts for it. i cant do this anymore.
i feel so overwhelmed.
i want all these to end.
i cant help it.
i feel so useless.
where is the hope?

school is starting.
im dreading it.
i cant keep up.
i cant continue the cycle.
i do not have the energy for it.
i do not want to break down again.

lets all end this.
i could. 
no. 
i cant. 

my parents. 
i cant do this to them.
no.
i cant. 
it would kill them.
i dont want to disappoint them.
but i do not know how to carry in myself. 
without him.

how? ",-4.556001255492782,-4.233612406779658,-0.4855555555555551,106.32788763339613,126.45762711864408,2.7650973006905213,11.997489014438164,5.033348758259628,-1.5728333961079728,368,9,105,3,27,134,54,118,0.106,0.78,0.113,-0.2454,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,0,6,6,1,2,4,0,21,1,1,2,2,19,30,5,1,6,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,15,5,0,0,0,2,22,1,11,27,2,10,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,81,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010217531244615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109737165309673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472947180508397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574176498957658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040425124293077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524255130717044,0.0,0.0,0.2004036900159509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794682570786367,0.0,0.0,0.17934294197919906,0.22322922667539935,0.0,0.11088782144578074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063240650446168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404232576348693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420257583714171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428142388479194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35702850688031285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449961687957368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433320147090166,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Toeknife12345,2018/01/07,"I live next to the train tracks. Every single time I hear it go by, I get images of me throwing myself in front of it. It would be so easy and I wouldn't feel anything. My only worry is my family seeing me on the tracks even though that's not likely.",0.8911111111111154,2.583542185185184,3.044222222222224,92.47300000000004,80.85185185185185,5.060740740740742,14.503703703703707,5.6839178017228535,-0.8344251851851854,194,2,43,1,5,66,43,54,0.055,0.8740000000000001,0.071,0.2123,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,6,6,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476896136365131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988014492974487,0.0,0.25359755791799016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837471455031091,0.0,0.1521898885950212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572551629666201,0.0,0.17105989147796594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392382759119496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704880110208282,0.0,0.2657802098015098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201069124622241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289169106645153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398505348431901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29572173138944186,0.0,0.17551003645544966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056705596688245,0.0,0.21381508285654652,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway62641,2018/01/07,"I'm crying so much I can't breathe I always kept it in the back of my mind, I tried to not to think about it because I knew I'd be crying. I should be sleeping now, but I've thought about it for too long and now I'm crying. I want to die but my family loves me so much, I don't want to let them down. If I die I'll miss out on new technology, innovations, and everything else so I also really hope I don't die. Everything adds up to the stress I'm currently going through so it'd be much easier to just end it all. I want it all to end but it's too much to fix. 

I'm purposely being vague because I don't want to start crying again, but I will be more specific if I need to. ",-0.02610389610389774,1.3634856103896134,3.0285714285714285,92.94142857142859,82.50649350649351,6.997402597402598,19.441558441558442,7.957251820313856,0.4914727272727277,520,13,133,10,14,187,79,154,0.21600000000000005,0.667,0.117,-0.9608,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,1,2,0,13,3,2,0,2,26,31,13,3,9,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,18,2,20,19,7,16,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,3,10,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861651075100827,0.10260957111494266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482311340783564,0.0,0.15034572161475868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5418314634235978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839505371749525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301547800007944,0.0,0.21844440929132125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221658624672284,0.0,0.11625223420298635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008385769511125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248154420494405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609992406474438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913160955632233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129835114344616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451495365438425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626085537819868,0.09143794697039202,0.0,0.11910026713947686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899998818192175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340599599979316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728436341244322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125913581391802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901651453913737,0.0,0.09789987412205292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372410615336112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29094210021386074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shipwreckd666,2018/01/07,"Alone I know I come here a few times a month. Just hitting an odd amount of low points and the PTSD hits weird around holidays/anniversaries. The VA sucks with this, so anyone want to say hi, if you haven’t seen me before, combat vet just doing my best. Just talking seems to help most the time.",2.9108474576271206,4.7129109322033935,2.812000000000001,95.91901694915256,75.27118644067797,6.07593220338983,18.57966101694916,6.742157984588678,-0.19339593220338933,231,4,51,2,5,69,52,59,0.199,0.672,0.129,-0.3657,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,10,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,5,7,4,7,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,3,3,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942951235323704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868524460512085,0.0,0.0,0.2529549627012839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417918869534163,0.0,0.2981993318475138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447712445917332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046067351597254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616216163590338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268069124036373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686148902903521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321577453316031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259685742573415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586807350771021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22839010757407024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313818976178753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759984000987302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aziz18023,2018/01/07,"Idk why I'm posting here just to get the same generic responses I always do Nothing anyone says can help me, it's not their fault, but there are no magic words anyone can tell me that are going to put my life together for me. This life is all I've known my entire life and all I'll ever know, I have no future to look forward to. I would just skip all the bullshit and go directly to the end but I'm too much of a pussy to get past the initial fear of dying so I'm going to spend years being miserable. I just want the courage to kill myself. 

EDIT: I thought about it, and I think I'm just posting here because I have like a small amount of hope someone will say the right words, like why people buy lottery tickets ",5.537433774834436,4.515606741721854,6.150057947019873,84.58813327814569,67.67549668874172,8.609602649006622,30.133278145695357,7.1686216300943375,1.611694701986755,562,17,122,4,8,184,95,151,0.162,0.721,0.117,-0.8903,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,11,8,1,2,8,0,11,3,0,0,4,24,26,6,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,2,5,3,4,0,0,1,3,14,4,13,22,6,14,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,1,8,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351332551975198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711350287763835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990000569443166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685498580022552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384186478164132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690384330468506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827498096111248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969892132861444,0.0,0.27689404772575704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885607234854497,0.0,0.0,0.16130395625075072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967611978936887,0.0,0.08925306863265646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441325428488147,0.15868491983939706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363785758725831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938573006053878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558311533084734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503312895139165,0.11259058274856718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110765487643005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326101798265924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869224901286012,0.0,0.2583005826217648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760450160826698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194837744534486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406201593099558,0.0,0.12893074719823944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579017008038294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29308895372404264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153672421306961,0.0,0.0,0.10458294214492768
suicidewatch,I_Will_Be_Gone_Soon,2018/01/07,"Hi, Reddit. Hey there.First off, this is a throwaway account. I have friends that I talk with on my main, and I don't want to worry them with this post. Getting on with it, I don't know if this is a suicide note or not. I'm too scared to actually kill myself. I have a gun in my room, a .357 magnum, that I had planned to use. I keep picking it up, then breaking down thinking it might not kill me, and I would turn into a vegetable for the rest of my life. Thinking of friends and family doesn't help at all. I mean, they'll die too. Same thing with me. Why does it matter if I die sooner? Why does it matter if I do it myself? And the worst thing is, I don't know why I feel like this. I didn't do anything to anyone. I've never killed anyone or stolen anything, willingly or not. I have sought help. I have been on a few different happy pills, and they all had little to no effects. Therapy just made things worse, because I had to relive everything. I'm completely lost at this point. I don't know what the fuck to do. This was probably all over the place, so I'm sorry about that.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you did.  I just thought I should tell someone, you know? i'll answer questions or complete thoughts if anyone asks.
Edit: I'm going to bed. I'll look in the morning if I can get out of bed.",0.8854244390375783,2.8073492591240914,2.579456609894568,94.64411868072456,81.95620437956204,5.227142470938092,21.0970532576372,6.238725200709706,0.09771927547985904,1003,30,227,8,27,330,143,274,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.092,-0.9787,1,0,0,1,0,3,45.0,0,2,3,3,7,12,4,1,11,0,28,4,0,4,4,54,55,17,6,9,15,0,1,1,2,5,2,0,3,0,19,11,1,1,13,1,1,1,11,7,0,0,11,2,33,5,31,39,8,22,0,1,1,1,15,17,1,12,3,156,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.10207827276247626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942434180592876,0.0,0.17216011895258604,0.0,0.09779048353056376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376553884148937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193503026676751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171245724275783,0.10928876421895686,0.0,0.0,0.18307907607560608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401119958244396,0.0,0.09861120457388206,0.0,0.052890851859355575,0.0747290145980212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897598525125917,0.0,0.0,0.1616333571029104,0.09670457797604094,0.10930239328473257,0.0,0.059448781142839476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135274827917482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402275175129908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297671218912468,0.34718600015840184,0.0,0.22995017135470436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738847959787507,0.05110415959290309,0.1048405426870538,0.0,0.0,0.08784089267586465,0.0,0.11418746394779387,0.0,0.0,0.09897869639942744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394426328587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096815927738067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067694125923483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928876421895686,0.0,0.09888445351234562,0.0,0.10018157749173504,0.0,0.11278064732265808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718025682318435,0.0,0.10463216184794606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047267067038554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863050651577893,0.0,0.0,0.11709545113545627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441963899529813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407661597119931,0.09142837948637317,0.09630517530714464,0.11962362400491001,0.0,0.20848245884038052,0.13405185256618218,0.0,0.16608755231233338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377895600755734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903441448679724,0.0,0.0,0.061698063611509736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283166125953044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623029189692833,0.1066002643532607,0.07430757704773958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wdpz,2018/01/07,"I'm donating all my money to charity and killing myself. Ok, guys, I hope I'm finally done now.

Since I was a child, there was so many things in life which I loved. Ahh, just fuck this. Re-watched a ""Happy Gilmore"" movie recently - what a great movie.

The only thing I was really missing in life is Karma. So that *every single one* bad action would be punished, while every good one - rewarded. Just like in the movies.

My Name Is Earl is also very good TV series.

That's it. Also: I've already donated around 55k$ to the charities working on a so-called X-risk (risk of super-AI spinning out of control) last year, and now I think that it was the worst decision ever. This planet is full of suffering and pointlessness since the creation of life - and if all this could finally be over, be it super-AI or nuclear war - then that's just great.

The only thing I really have a hope for is for never, never be born on this planet again. This life wasn't a gift - it was a punishment.

Thank you. ",2.3498015873015845,4.37141678061225,3.888299319727892,86.57971655328802,77.62244897959185,7.416780045351475,22.62358276643991,8.344100000000001,1.3791936507936504,763,23,154,15,18,253,115,196,0.14800000000000002,0.649,0.203,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,1,0,3,13,22,5,1,13,1,19,6,0,1,5,24,28,12,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,18,6,0,1,2,1,3,1,3,10,0,2,7,0,10,12,16,15,5,24,1,2,0,2,5,9,1,4,15,105,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396393059062869,0.20238692550631432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126468385750423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565506154463623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192462724573054,0.1010313646655204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294936761299241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446207558999215,0.21322969945399536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27723531881926283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698357880525426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227038592376107,0.0,0.27902013338317033,0.0,0.1252938389478469,0.0,0.13470347811998987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513642287090441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999702895718133,0.0,0.0,0.10314644931995302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575139061164917,0.0618207287197286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420669282609933,0.0,0.0,0.1282910274352274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951898764897117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149266036822686,0.19247773701636656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212868009032488,0.0,0.12494233029742885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934929576518868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650042118676553,0.0,0.0,0.2522013400369664,0.08108129825328206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440820598943544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212214502368052,0.0,0.0,0.08988991501049125,0.0,0.0,0.0814871848137326
suicidewatch,Ugly_Nothing,2018/01/07,"To anyone who will listen, thank you. My name is Brandon. I have been dealing with bipolar disorder and severe depression all of my life. I am in so much pain these last few years that I am ready to take my life now, but I'm a piece of trash with no one to really talk to so I'd like to leave my goodbye/story/thoughts here, just in the hopes that someone will bare witness. Thank you if you do so.
   Growing up my parents were separated. My mom moved me around a lot but I was always close to my dad. He was a body builder, a surfer, a chef, and a hilarious pothead. He also had a bad temper and mood swings. When I was 8 and living out of state with my mom he was diagnosed with complete kidney failure and it took everything from him. He went from 220 all muscle to 160 skin and bone, having to suffer through dialysis every other day. He couldn't eat the food he cooked anymore, couldn't lift weights, and couldn't surf anymore. I'll never forget the day I came back to my home state to see him and he exited the house he was staying at looking so sick and defeated. He looked ashamed to be alive. Even at 8 years old I knew that I understood life in that moment; the fact that it's all a cruel joke. The fact that anything you build or love will die and only cause you terrible pain. 
  I watched my dad suffer and wither away for 15 years. As a kid he used to come into my room at night and tell me he was going to just kill himself. I was around 12. I can't explain the pain and panic that brought me. He would be the coolest guy ever most times, but he would have violent outbursts and destroy my things a lot too. Anyways... It was just terrible to see and it has caused me a lot of sorrow and given me a viewpoint about life no one my age shares. Before you judge my dad you should know I learned in my 20s he was molested by his stepdad an a kid and was never treated for his own bipolar depression.
  My dad also started smoking weed with me around 13 or 14. Anyways I loved it and became a musician. Thought I was too cool for school. Just focused on music. 

That's the beginning of my life. Without going into tons of detail I'm sure you can figure out where that road led. I'm a fat worthless loser now, my bands never worked out, and I'm a nothing now.

I watched my dad die at 23. I'm 29 now. Since then my bipolar disorder and depression have been even worse than they were all my life. I've been completely in fucking hell.  I've become an alcoholic, I've lost all my friends, and now I'm 29 years old sleeping on the floor at my moms house. 
  I live hear at me mom's  (like a fucking loser) because a little less than a year ago I lost the only good job I've ever had do to a mental breakdown. 
  I want to repeat: I'm 29 years old. I've gotten fat since being an alcoholic, I have no money, no job, no formal education,  I have no will to live,  no friends (because I ruin everything I touch), and zero talent. I came here to get help because I was so suicidal, but my family is in a small shitty town and there is no help. I can't find a job with insurance.  My life is shit and it's too late to fix, that's just a pure fact. 

I just want to say how much I hate this world and myself. How sick and evil of a joke this life and all our effort is. I'm sorry i wasn't a better son and I gave you nothing to be proud of dad. I wish I wasn't such an ugly worthless piece of shit and I could have done something with the small potential I once had, but that time has passed. I've failed at life and I deserve to die, plus it's the only way to escape this pain and the hopeless road infront of me. I'm sorry to the friends I pushed away with my alcoholismand general annoying personality. I'm sorry for existing and being such a piece of shit loser with no will or ambition.

Where I once had friends; I am alone. I can't enjoy a movie, book, song, or video game anymore because all I think is how much of a failure I am for never living my dreams with my failed art. 

That's it. That's the best I can do to communicate the hell I feel inside. 

I hope your life is better. I hope you are better than me.
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suicidewatch,PleasantView_5,2018/01/07,I don't know what to do anymore My mind is in shambles and I'm the only one who can pick up the pieces. But I can't. ,-2.1418390804597722,-0.8164971379310355,1.2006896551724149,103.67160919540231,89.34482758620689,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-1.2959747126436785,89,2,26,0,3,32,24,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424326470363825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005923069902348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5522688935680333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706310397483525,0.4159841222686114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamtrash34,2018/01/07,"I just want to get this out I doubt anyone will see this but here we  go. I have a low self esteem, barely any real friends, my dad is kinda an asshole and I’m suicidal. I have a friend who was really close to me up until now. We were friends since we were young but we lost connection(ps my parents are divorced) and she helped me through some tough times. So one day, I started talking to a guy. Let’s call him L. L told me, “(insert my name) you can’t kill yourself because then I’ll be the only person to go far from this class!”. Now for a while I was ok, then I realized that I could be replaced. And that I didn’t fucking matter. And then I was back where I started. I had already searched up the suicide hotline a few times already and how to kill yourself. But ya know... I haven’t done anything yet.",0.20821428571428413,2.446349107142858,1.87409523809524,96.58757142857144,87.69047619047619,4.312380952380953,22.090476190476192,5.6839178017228535,0.07977761904761937,622,23,138,4,20,202,110,168,0.193,0.711,0.096,-0.9707,1,0,0,0,1,1,25.0,4,2,0,1,9,11,3,1,8,1,19,1,0,1,0,26,31,15,4,2,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,11,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,10,1,27,4,12,16,2,24,0,2,1,1,23,7,1,3,15,96,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33097717034570323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198040494745401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485805083235684,0.0,0.12340728259129108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531276806847257,0.0,0.0914164316250831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531296242729459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973374894744908,0.0,0.0,0.0967141295498324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346485083472322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475845654185111,0.1386389513990466,0.0783498026027056,0.0,0.17045556378182344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848756232195498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051745425179924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33182505599211226,0.0,0.08241608437230796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533479631130557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370300761315304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161923087369226,0.11405409160901815,0.0,0.0,0.16651685444212702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094244974205513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069143224051356,0.09607053583500293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950159031094107,0.0,0.1564447628537924,0.0,0.0,0.12405145721063818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122900460121704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280717232165728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053507827018607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748899870969203,0.0,0.0,0.14329666669037566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845242925904316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purgegfx,2018/01/07,okay be honest Am I the only on that beats the fuck outta my cock when they are sad,-2.94184210526316,-1.9144253157894724,-0.0743421052631561,104.05585526315792,117.94736842105264,1.9,4.75,3.1291,-2.834484210526316,65,0,16,0,4,22,18,19,0.311,0.4920000000000001,0.197,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,2,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7722558590038906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6353116465437754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thelightneverleaveus,2018/01/07,"Have a knife to my throat, help me Im the happiest ive been right now. I tend to have compulsion of doing crazy things in my head and failing others, ocd, but whenever it's about me ridding myself of my life I welcome it. I see another me, worn down, missing teeth, white hair with a light smile and gaze. He has an air of confidence about him, like he's sees everything and knows what the truth is. Whenever im near a flight of stairs, he tells me to jump, when I have a knife in my hand, he tells me to swiftly cut it through my throat. The real me telling me to do it, to finally free myself of living, from disappointing others and things getting worse. Rather than hoping for things to get better while suffering, while the very fact of being alive mocks me, I know for a fact that death will bring me peace, its the only damn thing in this world that im 100 percent certain off. Please tell me to do it. Please let me be free. Please Please don' let me live like this anymore, please stop putting expectations on me, please stop giving me a false sense of hope, pleas just let me be nothing, please tell me to do it, please help me, at least give me this please, the only thing I want is this, nothing more",4.8870218579234965,5.080386336065576,4.875311475409838,89.08171038251369,68.8360655737705,8.309945355191259,26.512568306010927,8.021203637495839,1.2450735519125675,942,25,209,11,15,292,134,244,0.133,0.564,0.303,0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,2,6,17,3,0,13,0,19,7,6,0,4,21,34,8,1,5,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,21,5,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,7,0,0,2,6,33,12,32,25,3,22,0,4,3,0,15,12,1,2,9,130,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768235694369975,0.0,0.0,0.0726580854529514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064795950884921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584485405725678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025700283722982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655471013994056,0.1405627851138974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518988070215445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821447302517512,0.0,0.0,0.14553513385379038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374126977143837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052782828291445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475185278127716,0.05174844731137256,0.07158606517221479,0.0,0.12938670208625258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059734356474382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114409690050846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7237956863172235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365043814634216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339033848499178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625669558693043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676365866427987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250377363979345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201793153746729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433663424644147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045037638070212,0.043212936460326284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466215599823292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MisunderstandGal,2018/01/07,"Giving up I lost all my hope in life and in the people around me. I’m so emotional and sad and everyone hates me for it. When I get upset people get mad and question me. When I’m happy people question me. What the fuck. My mom is always mad and it’s hard being a single mom with 3 demanding girls but I just wish she would reach out. My dad just cares about one thing, which isn’t me. I just wanna let go, I wanna be gone. What the heck is wrong with me I’m not normal ",-0.9605974607916324,1.0729005728155379,1.5912621359223316,97.76589245705752,91.81553398058253,4.33427931292009,12.777445855115756,5.873414542411696,-1.087348917102315,361,5,86,3,13,123,65,103,0.188,0.6659999999999999,0.146,-0.3764,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,4,1,4,0,7,2,0,0,1,23,21,9,0,6,5,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,2,1,15,3,11,15,2,9,0,2,0,1,8,5,2,3,2,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219841802751754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521328759005156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742389497783354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922339920109573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329759700345184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798977141220003,0.1785712785400882,0.1639381574762751,0.09712362682372812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192101775270386,0.15308844744840167,0.1687235363125876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973740007158236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475182403121348,0.1207082670937452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865521954060996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003005645991545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744091907659814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580294639280304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554314456846536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828832590346353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353511455547192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652093757409975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139897983811505,0.18684697047202894,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadBurritoBoy,2018/01/07,"I had my chance at life, and I blew it. For a very long time, I dreamed of becoming a physician. I worked hard all throughout undergrad and I actually got accepted into medical school. Long story short: I had a mental breakdown / panic attack right before starting medical school and I ended up dropping out.  Everyday I wake up and go to bed feeling like a failure. The career that I worked so hard for will now be forever out of my reach, and it is completely my fault. I honestly can't see any future path for myself where I will ever be happy again.

All this happened 3 years ago, and my life has continued to go steadily downhill since then. I turned 27 recently, and I've decided that unless something drastically changes by my 30th birthday, I'm just going to call it quits.
",4.282158836689038,6.164435644295306,5.487399328859064,77.83611017897094,71.75167785234899,8.725055928411633,31.208612975391496,9.2995712137729,3.064355257270693,617,28,109,14,12,205,102,149,0.105,0.7859999999999999,0.109,-0.081,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,1,5,0,9,6,1,0,3,18,19,10,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,6,10,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,4,18,4,16,12,2,28,0,0,1,0,1,9,0,0,16,70,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.14444430162487398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312091037507818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065737531969786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839194322189302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347434855586931,0.12595249049430088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114301684669906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658351017531558,0.0,0.15519414867922804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110009151133106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389083442325134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484239253289611,0.10574415135180563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523662707716976,0.0,0.11838358635770488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089190602119188,0.1575680066278349,0.2651902655358379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909910536358595,0.07231416091550964,0.0,0.0,0.2619826993243379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982253019145548,0.14916741806793146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366733351172006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743545606162562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461500044628832,0.0,0.0,0.12640663804727684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996044139052009,0.11795125184516606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244209163358873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395155533851675,0.0,0.0,0.10476796424319572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631053720536984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610011748372789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221304239723439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551786130914424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531879544622104
suicidewatch,overitoverlife,2018/01/07,"Too young to die, but it’s all I think about. I’m 16 F, I left high school during the first month of my freshman year 2 and a half years ago to start online classes, and I haven’t interacted with kids my age until 2 weeks ago when my therapist forced me to go to a therapy group. Even then, I didn’t talk to anyone in the group. I have 2 friends at the moment, my best friend since kindergarten who lives in another state and my LDR boyfriend of 1 and a half years who lives in another country. My relationship with my boyfriend is dying, my grandma died almost a month ago from cancer and I witnessed her passing, my mom is pressuring me to get a job, my dad doesn’t talk to me, I have no real relationship with my half sisters, my entire family thinks I’m weird for having depression and not dressing like a normal girl. 

I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety ever since my dad moved back to Mexico 6 years ago. I’ve been struggling with going to school, I used to skip a lot because I was too afraid to get on the bus and look for a seat and on many occasions the vice principal would come to my house and ring the doorbell until I came out. I’m overweight and because of this I don’t dress “like a normal girl” I like to wear men’s graphic t shirts/hoodies because they’re comfortable and I feel like they hide my body and this has caused quite a few of my family members to assume I’m going to become a lesbian which is not going to happen. 

I’m so sick of living a life I never wanted in the first place. I’ve tried killing myself twice before which only ended up with me being hospitalized, and that didn’t help. I’ve been struggling with self harm over the past 3-4 years, and I have a strong urge to start again. I’m so ready to give up and every day I imagine how I’m going to kill myself. I contribute nothing to society, I barely have friends, I never leave my house, all I do is play video games and sleep. I procrastinate constantly with my online classes. I could have “graduated” by now if I wasn’t so lazy. I’m a huge disappointment to my entire family. I live with my mom and her boyfriend and in the 5 years I’ve lived here with them, I’ve talked to him maybe 10 times. I’m always on edge, my anxiety and depression are only getting worse and I’m sick of everything. There is nothing worth living for anymore. ",4.449635578350655,4.96329550627615,5.40806721554866,83.75297408557161,69.8786610878661,8.510838169793495,27.344041031178303,8.558390810932622,1.7562751248481572,1844,57,384,28,31,607,232,478,0.221,0.6970000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9974,1,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,2,5,15,24,2,5,23,0,27,9,3,3,5,59,57,31,5,6,4,5,1,4,3,1,5,1,0,5,8,34,1,0,5,3,1,9,11,13,0,6,8,3,56,11,59,46,5,62,0,4,1,1,31,17,0,4,39,227,64,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410096938181817,0.0,0.0680634014166229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655753583940248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254759145498813,0.10399566022364896,0.0,0.06740922842398536,0.0475270874657729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052265705593485326,0.0,0.12430395302503977,0.07506891969823022,0.057838538451048666,0.0,0.07133164697317712,0.0,0.0,0.07550075011396014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774101706463901,0.0,0.06982521059655437,0.0,0.0585512244451673,0.0,0.07345278801625152,0.0,0.05426952259419948,0.0,0.0,0.04383584148097275,0.0,0.1756306475407383,0.0,0.2116303189933896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020236403469305,0.0,0.0,0.04489437812674681,0.06148389876723093,0.057268720612571176,0.0,0.06108818832783194,0.0,0.19223177226754407,0.0,0.03436831285585622,0.048558683833343184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563264308560832,0.0,0.0,0.15754328743731175,0.0,0.10653653844409727,0.06520422903098523,0.1931481756665099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010676334883835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555970478318218,0.07181537118880207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685942289751045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674509903407272,0.0,0.15040026334921758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719717531892899,0.07385097607726199,0.0,0.04801011317119954,0.1328293028665845,0.0,0.360119222860863,0.0,0.05707874187864494,0.0,0.0,0.05778673708539444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891219212052478,0.06828626959275648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921424332912434,0.108508027207288,0.07224269556174356,0.0,0.0,0.10484725656618303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331948120523337,0.1304405199927599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339041675297646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488626159524327,0.0,0.0,0.07101550283771092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229580489629728,0.0,0.07736617804123451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595139774819654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758109383747316,0.0,0.0,0.07090885123929755,0.0,0.0,0.11245306221708393,0.0,0.06802035098399369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622081952547584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317496653872967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389817936249032,0.0,0.0,0.07773106293853045,0.07891987517049866,0.0,0.08710648147911669,0.0,0.0,0.03963459003702139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614802579270391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870534745354171,0.0,0.0,0.040091211963072367,0.0,0.05452244717574395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926852389430355,0.04828483500943315,0.0,0.0,0.26262758888948
suicidewatch,nonstopman,2018/01/07,Any helpful videos out there? I want a good video to show my friend that can help him and steer him out of his destructive thoughts.,4.091153846153849,5.668803500000003,2.6415384615384627,99.27846153846157,71.69230769230771,6.7384615384615385,24.538461538461537,7.1686216300943375,0.5209076923076927,105,3,24,1,2,29,24,26,0.115,0.516,0.37,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192224310168288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36267356137026585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937281297329289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6292861088836713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726679020719274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27687671481560205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Choke_M,2018/01/07,"Really want to jump tonight my boyfriend lives on the 15th floor. All I would have to do is go to the roof, climb the waist high railing and jump into the parking lot. It sounds so nice to just be done. I know I can jump. I jumped down the stairs as a kid and cracked my skull open, still have the scar, 50 stitches. 

I know I can jump. It would fun.

I'm worried about surviving. Somehow I would awake in a universe where I survived, only to be a paralyzed vegetable. I'd like to jump head first swan dive style. can anyone calculate my odds of survival?",1.2776488095238108,3.5510595625000008,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,82.83928571428572,5.161904761904762,22.72619047619048,6.42735559955562,0.3108011904761909,429,15,96,4,12,132,76,112,0.02,0.831,0.149,0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,9,0,13,4,3,0,1,14,18,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,1,1,11,3,13,12,2,20,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,2,4,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905847804883784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206078032472835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782320554130752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553729343360855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628139961677566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705646769295489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814719235634753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510872262426764,0.0,0.2261250843112503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771174598844725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947618890170295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405267688462252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450740394033526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510437895528711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600636861871698,0.0,0.5457398841779253,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unlikelylucky,2018/01/07,"Always alone. Just once I'd like someone to be there. I have been through hell, Who in this subject hasn't? I'm ill and in pain and my parents call me all sorts of demeaning names and steal my pain medication which is all that is between me and blood cancer which doctors have been evil and cruel about because I'm broke and the disrespect makes me want to die early, peacefully, euthanized, but I'm sad that all I am to the people who should be the closest to me have been as evil as the rest. I feel like death is the only way to flee from the monsters as I'm bedridden at this point and can't fight, not that they have not physically also used me as a punching bag when angry. Truth be told I wish I could have my health back instead of death being the kindest option. I am clad it is their because I've already been tortured in horrific ways so yeah death is way better. I need to get it over with but each time I have to get all the tools together I feel an over whelming need for someone who cares to be there, just so I can know I will not end up in the clutches of monsters again, and I'm sad because I fear I will not find that person. I read in Oregon people stay with others who are dying, but I don't want them getting in trouble if they know what I need to do, and they could bee seen as aiding in a murder or something. Anybody understand what I mean?",5.831842723004698,4.85155840492958,6.211605633802817,84.25076525821598,67.06338028169014,8.840938967136152,30.905164319248826,7.554174236665415,1.7738223474178405,1073,34,233,9,15,347,150,284,0.253,0.652,0.094,-0.9959,1,1,1,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,5,1,12,20,7,1,12,1,33,8,1,2,5,49,58,23,6,10,11,1,2,2,0,3,7,0,0,1,17,12,0,0,7,1,0,1,7,15,0,0,6,3,30,5,35,42,6,24,1,3,1,0,15,13,1,4,8,162,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924720860783598,0.13771142879159706,0.09979637359024657,0.1038372075318746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595759146793713,0.0,0.22821672082646044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036866631161144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742691181341514,0.0,0.12723408768702135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927302689675255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590294529539223,0.0,0.0,0.127730227900093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052895560956832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042605485425486,0.12619749363435626,0.08915165867542524,0.0,0.0,0.11405792010220145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559651049083152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326484011031172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716519145371545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193444855197105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329984293914575,0.0,0.0,0.1359354211095627,0.0,0.12571513405127932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775957731628351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289974851528846,0.0,0.09491018307154064,0.2655756549767268,0.0,0.13856710370178196,0.0,0.0,0.17303056438489825,0.10896384076651408,0.0,0.0,0.11796907928278808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482609103997128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114722563285079,0.09607122509570176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301200946992414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276740561684343,0.0,0.0,0.11924441006244202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991320664241587,0.0,0.10778049744022614,0.0,0.0,0.147211487736482,0.2971630061439913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435050098468146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darklordoftech,2018/01/07,Why can't one person hang out with me? All I want is for someone to hang out with me. How hard could it be for them to invite me when they do things and to accept my invites?,1.2530769230769216,2.125816358974358,2.792820512820516,98.19384615384618,77.71794871794873,5.2,18.128205128205128,3.1291,-0.8870410256410257,134,2,34,0,3,44,31,39,0.035,0.82,0.146,0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,10,6,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,1,9,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576749428827792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401301375697652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035623031772963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911581625409263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795713267444934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976174781343835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26422974191643195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042315539061795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elj415,2018/01/07,"I keep falling into the suicidal pit and I think I'm going to end up dead soon. I'm 27/f and my self image is 0, tapered into self loathing. I keep wanting to die.

I'm too exhausted for details but can someone convince me how hospitalization would work when you're already on a cocktail of medication? I feel like it'll just prolonge the inevitable. I'm on gabapentin and cymbalta for fibromyalgia pain and as anti depressants. Gabapentin does wonders for my anxieties and cymbalta helps a lot w the fibromyalgia pain. But my suicidal tendencies keep getting worse and worse.

I feel stuck. I've been admitted before a few years ago. I don't want to give up my phone and deal w bullshit group therapy. :/",3.512876004592421,6.032938335820898,4.632985074626866,80.20552812858784,76.08955223880595,8.302181400688863,32.695752009184844,9.057496981413335,3.309117795637197,563,30,101,14,13,184,89,134,0.355,0.578,0.067,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,6,0,6,4,0,1,0,25,24,12,4,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,9,1,3,5,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,2,11,2,14,20,2,13,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,53,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272547327596088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522936216269815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454205848037588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274081099044352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436373239277515,0.12896112432829407,0.0,0.1553947688601019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102860902295674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261520119376255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141467605634326,0.10696622515607736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822707467162571,0.14363342852525193,0.0850942802228215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036000268475066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992572891717375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314988790941895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272940006225408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083592985536173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186438225410592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123994123585904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268646558055247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32755782831832586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122783657893936,0.0,0.0,0.09594011590622006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662775294075644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237440630480193,0.10900428904693524,0.0,0.3051727080798464,0.10636298444515484,0.0,0.0,0.09642038453157876
suicidewatch,Throwaway85199,2018/01/07,"I seriously can't remember any point in my life that I wasn't depressed when I wasn't dating someone. I don't know how to live anymore. I made a throwaway for this. I don't know what to do or where to go anymore. Every time I have this issue, my family and my friends are good, and every single time it's because I'm in a relationship with someone. I've never solved my depression. I'm as depressed as I was when I was a kid. I couldn't resolve it then and I haven't resolved it now.

I really have no idea how to fix myself. I've spent the entire year just trying to find someone who's actually worth loving back. Instead I got cheated on and then when 2018 came on, a friend I thought had feelings for me got together with another dude who I believe was her ex. It fucking sucks. 

Before this all happened, I told myself that I'd follow through with killing myself this time. It's unbearable. I can't fix any of my issues, and the more questions I try to answer about myself, the more questions I get. I can't remember my childhood. I can't remember if I was ever happy without a girl. I can't remember what my voice sounded like before now. I can't remember anything about myself, yet I have always been known to have the best memory out of everyone I know. I can recall the smallest detail about a restaurant I went to once two years ago... and I can't remember what I did as a kid? I can remember exactly what my mom said in the car one day she tried to make conversation before a doctor's visit, word for word, and I can't remember why I was motivated to do anything I did as a kid? I feel like an outside observer, watching this person who has every reason to be happy wishing for some last thing to push him over the edge. 

I seriously don't know what to do. I need help. I'm not even in college yet, and I made ten grand overnight trading crypto. I made ten grand OVERNIGHT, I have friends who care about me, and no matter how good of a state I'm in, I always think about killing myself.

It always seemed like a joke. [This stupid fucking video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PsLdeyAXI8) that I used to tie people's phone chargers into a dark joke, knowing the difference between cutting vertical and horizontal, knowing the angles to shoot yourself if you want a (theoretically) less painful death... they never worried even *me*, because it just seemed like I was being a retard who found stupid things funny, let alone everyone else who knew about my dumb antics, since regardless of work, school or being with friends, I was always the class clown. Now I don't know how real they were.

I don't know if I'm serious this time, but it feels more real than I ever remember it being. I've never had an anxiety attack like I did before. I literally started drooling on my keyboard and typing as fast as I could, just to take my mind off it. Nothing I typed was even legible. There were typos all over the place. I was typing just to take my mind off of it, fucking talking to myself... I've never done that. And when I woke up, I wasn't sad. I was just... tired. I felt the same pain I did before. And all I could ask myself is ""When will this finally fucking end?""

I want to do it. I don't want to live in this world anymore. The only thing of significant value I have left is my crypto wallets. All I would have to do is burn what I don't want seen, email my wallet to a friend who barely checks their email and hope they stumble upon it and then do the right thing with the money, and then I would have everything done I care about. It's so close, it's so real, and I don't know what to do about it anymore. I've tried hotlines, I've tried counseling and I've tried hospitals. They don't work. They never work. Everyone assumes I'm fine when I'm not.

What do I do. How do I make this pain fucking end

Sidenote. I don't think one of my friends will see this, but if you read this and know it's me, then you should know that I've been through the hoops before. I don't want another fucking cop to show up at my door and ask me about my suicide plans. I always try my best and think they're there for me, and then it all goes to shit. It always goes to shit. They won't help. I tell them all the same thing and they never help. Don't call the cops again. It won't help, even though I wish it would.",2.7347393065046823,4.327959107061506,4.07038914198937,87.59955232852445,75.24145785876995,6.882333586433816,24.722918248544673,7.594959193182576,1.1365990382181723,3368,110,704,44,72,1109,318,878,0.08199999999999999,0.782,0.13699999999999998,0.9877,0,1,0,1,0,4,122.0,0,3,9,9,46,55,17,0,35,0,87,16,3,13,15,145,161,57,4,21,16,2,4,5,6,8,6,3,1,5,58,32,0,0,43,4,5,7,38,27,0,5,41,11,120,28,82,104,16,77,0,4,3,7,55,26,10,13,48,486,178,14,0.0,0.0,0.041122135858382786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373541810206457,0.0,0.0,0.04364387978211325,0.0,0.0,0.21038095837793075,0.0,0.0,0.05731269723321565,0.08837401435452097,0.03223665119699585,0.0,0.16716449740224654,0.0,0.0,0.06935454146483194,0.0,0.07878960802477505,0.04793983763105618,0.0,0.03240272367440419,0.0,0.05137577430261176,0.0,0.2151459919516708,0.04747685842746335,0.08844574544116003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04302920643389014,0.048196435224757056,0.08592818811349633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729002601586867,0.0,0.0,0.027176532726652613,0.0,0.10888423444011752,0.0,0.0,0.04402687553759982,0.0,0.043131629464650635,0.0,0.08624680924107939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520219857648554,0.0,0.07464629221824552,0.0,0.0,0.1113311386467928,0.07623529653172607,0.1065132006613778,0.12079847805251655,0.037872323040128,0.0,0.039725430710232434,0.0,0.0639210892866578,0.030104513014375105,0.04046058990406021,0.04616183270815605,0.03851479816668595,0.0,0.0,0.04620385699192047,0.19534153616113195,0.23374408790663745,0.022016182996943398,0.0,0.023948885385820927,0.07068933414141562,0.06740571786967339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037263877367379815,0.08971669913724835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298104621481594,0.0,0.0,0.04185409537248088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047570438625823386,0.0,0.08796551344011509,0.0,0.0,0.09324236836610812,0.0,0.2547468262423625,0.03434936903585558,0.0,0.0,0.045784759695558896,0.04309055933714597,0.029764420340230843,0.1029363123432643,0.0,0.07442001426939622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803260184051163,0.11962042333613275,0.0562569725143693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509789420731798,0.04935334817584485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031245952833179217,0.1950037779432667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043404826622893,0.0,0.0,0.044877260482070296,0.057109718432056165,0.03204903738107922,0.13451840179422098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02921426788240849,0.03679464197513623,0.04402687553759982,0.0,0.03983550878724695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094411911773149,0.0,0.04215096766654144,0.14389214841829373,0.02699568380896971,0.04332649023137993,0.0,0.04524212155395972,0.4296232035946943,0.03598695749646933,0.040084375324114505,0.0,0.0,0.04264748859521361,0.0335797767615637,0.07672455301429369,0.0,0.0,0.08651131397785726,0.03485828288344138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711414774679404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02982660036256479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609384359960855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336741574253837,0.03387018540689562,0.03683183640164888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997826968971686,0.08100399346668058,0.04140190777599388,0.033454106862026954,0.09828767482117186,0.04843322995498511,0.0,0.04026615935083885,0.0,0.2002699853815142,0.0,0.04116423100953906,0.0,0.0,0.03639505350874095,0.0,0.0,0.12427503352918699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03906379810081122,0.03802440221217335,0.0,0.09691683813286836,0.040621036040507666,0.0,0.09203431363819777,0.04279477284873267,0.0,0.08980421188477407,0.0,0.0,0.05427299536365935
suicidewatch,FeldupEther,2018/01/07,"I need help I'm in front of my bed right now. I've tried to hand myself 10 minutes ago and I failed miserably. Can someone please try to convince me to not fucking try it again ? I failed everything in my life, I'm going nowhere and I even fucking failed my suicide. I don't deserve anything I am, I've ruined everything. Life has no fucking point now.",1.83327380952381,3.943748319444445,3.1714285714285717,90.64500000000002,79.69444444444444,5.780952380952384,28.341269841269842,6.868970318607317,1.4040769841269851,277,13,57,3,7,90,47,72,0.277,0.601,0.123,-0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,3,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,4,11,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,0,1,11,1,6,11,0,10,0,5,0,3,1,4,3,0,4,30,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717928748175413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644820995214833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320171616737413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592739033855391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543504075953456,0.0,0.0,0.11359495330112307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397363240423013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823586888586734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820658647585827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940540313368898,0.18894878352430186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069423860039934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935550326127188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863347403494712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071109771116132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Isabel980,2018/01/07,Any depression hotline I can call for free? I know this question doesn't really fit the group but I don't know where else to ask. I've always felt disconnected and empty from the world. I had been doing better though. I started college and had a sense of purpose. However my mom who is the most important person in the world to me broke down recently. She screamed and cried so hard about how she wanted to die. She's said she's experienced zero joy this year and has no one. I'm completely broken. I feel as though I've complete failed as a person. My mother is the only person I have in my life. The only person I'm living for is my mother. And she wants to take her life from me. I cry myself to sleep every night. I need someone to help me. Is there any depression hotline that I can call for free? I really can't afford it.,1.3287516339869292,3.5827957705882376,3.2945098039215712,88.26418300653597,82.47058823529412,6.130718954248366,19.444444444444443,7.3871296695380915,0.5810522875816999,651,17,133,10,18,219,101,170,0.231,0.6579999999999999,0.111,-0.9735,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,8,0,15,3,1,1,0,16,28,12,1,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,5,5,0,0,5,0,2,0,4,5,0,2,5,6,25,6,18,23,1,11,0,4,0,0,21,7,0,2,4,87,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701114931341738,0.0,0.0,0.1749140506383878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022998526613746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374225203975273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262643817389392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696835387833503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825370333639683,0.0,0.0,0.22153767450031447,0.0,0.1334735405808952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743446813076298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835676486794024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502745574191067,0.0,0.1234826838203014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520642026333905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862024184552916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135785362632464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167755411783792,0.0,0.0,0.11356214916441446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062271466436375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536030303839778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068875759830447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714728728540308,0.1956225136142017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491779434823314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440690345592817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164777601918321,0.0,0.12698368698880005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233450515720776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286996653490713,0.0,0.1089681133358127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102854582047208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966962985611369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25271103063909106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171123019639418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828185543310493
suicidewatch,bdaybl00zthrowaway,2018/01/07,"my birthday is in two days, I don't want to be here for it. I turn 28 on January 8th and do not want to be here for that. I have nothing to show for my life that justifies deserving another year on this planet. I don't have a career, boyfriend, friends, nothing of merit. I have been on this earth for 28 years and have absolutely nothing in my life. People my age have so much going for them in multiple areas of their life, and here I am just a worthless loser. If I go out now at least it will be over.",3.3361281708945256,3.639860289719629,4.928437917222965,86.95364485981312,72.27102803738319,8.357276368491322,27.435246995994657,8.418075326091056,1.6217060080106815,389,13,89,6,7,132,64,107,0.106,0.8640000000000001,0.03,-0.7163,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,15,3,0,0,0,9,20,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,13,2,19,15,2,17,0,2,0,0,3,10,0,1,5,69,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160688773625248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362958756825513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327963293458986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021712689494876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478239857077218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535814494540415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6083550912767617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465155346896949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987564578970554,0.2064470463791581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24930589476894285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721901834721697
suicidewatch,Quinn__,2018/01/07,"Tired of being terrified. I've been homeless since my baby was three weeks old. He's never had somewhere to call his home, or his own room, or anything. My SO I were living with his mother when she was evicted and moved without us. We've been bouncing around since then, and I cannot take looking my son in the face anymore. 

I love him more than absolutely anything, and to think that I've brought him here and can't even provide for him kills me. He's so sweet, and he's about to be 6 months old and it's so not fair to him. 

I don't have any money, I've gone as far as trying to convince SO to let me be a stripper so we can at least have a for sure way of getting money, but he thinks it's an awful idea. I've even made a GoFundMeHis mother's holding our things for ransom, and I want to call the police and go get our things, but every time I suggest it, SO has another reason why we shouldn't do it yet.

I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this hell forever, and I don't want my baby to grow up like this. He's the only thing that's stopped me from completely giving up. But I don't know if I can keep doing this to him.",4.09572006940428,3.3754209230769234,5.383831694621168,87.88701417004049,70.53846153846153,8.028802776171197,26.9545980335454,6.868970318607317,1.0122136495083858,876,23,207,6,14,295,137,247,0.098,0.8140000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.6649,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,5,0,0,0,13,8,2,0,7,1,24,3,1,2,2,36,44,25,1,4,8,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,12,13,0,3,6,0,2,6,9,2,0,1,10,3,31,6,28,28,3,25,1,0,1,1,27,8,1,3,12,135,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921013452320771,0.14201679555386712,0.0,0.0,0.13431644146096958,0.0,0.0,0.2229051109171293,0.12056704331703112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765912607953994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200240985924795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890883051384174,0.0,0.1141109450374015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848067526869013,0.0967557375601446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415197796497284,0.12992286392246752,0.1539431691282963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585367666378687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289112543037345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038202848207046,0.14984022692560328,0.0,0.07443226219155577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849281828787216,0.0,0.13233469437274262,0.0,0.11959275618299492,0.0,0.11373240239434178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223657099694164,0.12815312532064113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081039823862393,0.14394737955417605,0.0,0.0,0.10445684313680786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842352802519204,0.0,0.0,0.10300542807047737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392510988710502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406865501242484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323083204202986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764713338215766,0.0,0.10183126105580828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699336286174936,0.17356425661590574,0.0,0.0,0.07897401019120537,0.15566413196841902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919523743238621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291322300322628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976770690409767,0.10750305065263373,0.1086388504305128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221021743702153,0.0,0.0,0.1305557841337537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackdynomitesnewbag,2018/01/07,Freedom from not caring about dying I've been taking greater risks since I don't really care if I live or die. I walked out to the middle of the Charles River in the middle of the blizzard because I wanted to experience a true white out. The me who cared if I lived or died would've never done that.,6.983655913978495,5.338594354838712,7.315161290322582,79.42607526881723,65.12903225806451,9.556989247311831,30.344086021505376,7.793537801064563,1.8754666666666675,238,6,49,2,3,78,46,62,0.211,0.616,0.172,-0.4162,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,10,8,4,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,6,4,9,6,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,1,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592521555075012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5816696992400993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920959812462452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460884215477967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860217055520462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358453011201073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667000350613765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182708706487047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573097052782147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429833696632835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216656289861758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509055271573056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaykillme1I1I,2018/01/07,"Can't call the suicide hotline cause I have no money, can't use the chats cause they're all full. So now I'm here. I just wrote a suicide note, then cried for about an hour. I wish I had any friends to call. There's one friend that might understand but I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me anymore. So now I'm just crying in bed. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna kill myself to be honest. I'm trying to talk myself out of it (which is why I tried to call, but I already emptied my bundle for the month). It would be nice to not be so fucking tired anymore though. I've stopped crying, and now I'm just numb. I promised the friend that doesn't like me anymore I'd go to a therapist again. I wonder how she'd feel if I killed myself. Probably relieved. Anyway I'm jyst ranting here, trying to keep myself busy until I fall asleep. I can't be alone with my thoughts, after all. That's a deadly risk currently.",0.5605154639175254,2.546769226804124,2.182690721649486,96.69053092783508,83.5360824742268,4.7047422680412385,19.49381443298969,5.6839178017228535,-0.3145517525773194,706,19,162,4,20,230,112,194,0.203,0.605,0.191,-0.6895,1,1,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,0,18,16,3,1,8,0,15,4,1,4,4,30,34,12,5,4,9,0,1,2,3,3,2,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,4,1,1,2,8,5,0,1,3,1,21,11,16,23,3,16,0,0,0,1,11,3,1,4,13,95,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164624889558478,0.12408945560595284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646867558379604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33455538662658835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444667502594228,0.0,0.0,0.2310306850023833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705574137560305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427101789428868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056857221006766975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606317496446304,0.10395660816677343,0.0,0.0,0.06390693984300913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073888913239972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994918379225433,0.24881468719711405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098730836880941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928983812787895,0.0,0.0,0.0897551315627326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619785391869288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440031044122224,0.1212382475359273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401178386360476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460002996045305,0.0,0.21196231623340475,0.0,0.0,0.0903816551960106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056110153603045,0.0,0.0,0.11047984851907784,0.08927136107966599,0.0,0.1292427377421249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290349700195995,0.0,0.0,0.1170626085992996,0.0,0.09711919605842144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014670681157652,0.0,0.12930995419099678,0.0,0.12194534566357758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988002049797521,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrPixelBear,2018/01/07,"i need to talk. I've ruined my public image. Everything i say, nobody takes seriously. I'm the laughing stock of the entire god damn town because all i do is awkwardly pretend to know what i'm doing while everyone continues their daily routine of watching the extremely self conscious kid fuck up everything he touches. I've got a temper as long as my self esteem is high which doesn't help with my parents well being either. Every day they'll come home after actually working and actually contributing to society in whatever way/shape/form just to see/hear me screaming at whatever it is that is in my way, which is normally just a miniature thing able to me remedied in seconds. But noooo my dumb ass has to take it 3 levels higher and start throwing things around because poor little me cant do whatever it is. I don't think of suicide as a cry for attention/help, i think of it as making everybody around me live a much happier life. Nobody would bat an eyelash if i did it, they would see i'm gone and have to waste a little less of their time looking at me fuck some sort of stupid shit up. I'm a short-tempered fat ass who does nothing but sit at a computer screen all day and whine when something isn't going my way only to start yelling if it continues to be so. I can see my parents trying to not anger my like trying to navigate a minefield and it hurts to see them like that and to know i have caused it. I'm not their son, i'm simply a burden that they have to put up with until i move out or kill myself. I'll take the latter if it means i don't have to yell anymore.",7.651713106295155,5.689238278637774,8.151653250773993,74.97247471620227,64.04643962848297,11.213952528379776,35.77481940144479,9.888512548439397,3.2995838596491227,1256,46,250,21,15,420,178,323,0.18,0.778,0.042,-0.9897,2,0,1,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,7,1,7,20,9,1,14,0,26,7,4,2,2,39,54,20,2,7,11,3,1,2,0,3,2,4,1,3,18,12,1,0,6,1,1,6,7,16,1,1,3,11,31,4,42,46,6,38,0,3,6,4,19,17,7,6,14,157,49,3,0.10301938514500633,0.0,0.2010641183531214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216754792927957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834181883141052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559932198606652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582928653960312,0.0,0.08874207834266093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316195716413655,0.1328779616748742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901529581757806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679827517431571,0.09843943730481494,0.18517436128006146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047952306860405,0.0,0.0,0.058548290660569415,0.0,0.08239401330039595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161103342792758,0.0,0.13810344461451696,0.10884563656243004,0.10333684298768127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028438249533233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397568607119644,0.0,0.11323351977204155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276563837308891,0.10066013574341567,0.20650497615770888,0.0909680044856705,0.09116891402233747,0.08651033742665494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876623954292756,0.0,0.0,0.11221831159054982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094933028297139,0.07573110164395745,0.07638756873113284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093712435555896,0.0988498784948156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835088463406414,0.0,0.0,0.2287816713625161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356293621583716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192514996265886,0.0,0.0,0.3283724479832485,0.0,0.21494337279859266,0.0,0.10574791842300482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930935575640702,0.0,0.0,0.14583530208700174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268648662582427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323732701251205,0.08280307947460351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688300374612505,0.13202132452093127,0.0,0.0,0.06007143193800293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988680028683098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453159783112998,0.0,0.0,0.09262679937614328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499933934051996,0.0,0.0,0.14636403087290994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JugglaJay,2018/01/07,"I kinda wish I did it already. I get scared thinking of all the really close calls I've had, some really close. I get scared when I try, and I always can't. I don't know how serious I can take you all though, it's not like any of you seriously care. None of you even know me. I don't know anyone. It's been 7 or 8 years since my first real attempt. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not even suicidal, I just don't wanna be around anymore.",-0.30424242424242465,1.4040095353535378,2.574030303030302,94.24104545454549,84.95959595959596,5.9802020202020225,17.980808080808078,7.1686216300943375,0.031088080808080683,340,8,84,5,10,120,61,99,0.108,0.775,0.117,0.2045,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,7,6,0,2,1,0,11,0,0,1,2,21,22,5,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,3,0,16,2,6,18,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,4,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734662395706415,0.0,0.14880335297773686,0.0,0.0,0.12161254871526885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547084950664696,0.12504416727516135,0.0,0.0,0.1591992537340456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826084520966532,0.0,0.1823321265171773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362349736763521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211522876169056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868656864181458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39312768294314304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736875354845686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355106580841936,0.229129953452454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35808599146678144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793247674395962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561423806041536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446013372206048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458894308082213,0.17570248023138182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141584440235348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056490841951251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516256625872745
suicidewatch,Coryswz,2018/01/07,Help I feel like i am at yhe end and dont know what to do ,-0.7718750000000014,-1.8479094374999985,2.45,105.995,80.875,6.4,16.0,3.1291,-1.4698000000000002,43,0,16,0,1,16,14,16,0.0,0.679,0.321,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5923952413769985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44768744525508897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555757141247676,0.3611006554123243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387991180745812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777875435499144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469421766439561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dathrowawaykid,2018/01/07,"I'm finally going to do it So I think I have finally decided to do it. I have been wanting to die for years now. But was barely holding on. Now it has gotten so painful that I am finally able to do it. I live everyday in pain. But I have found something out that is just too much for me. For everyone that feels this way too I am sorry. Goodbye everyone.

Lastly, this won't mean anything as this account is anonymous and nobody knows who I'm referring to. But thanks for everything. I really want to ask but I don't even feel like it matters. ",0.666353021978022,2.971895401785716,3.15214285714286,87.8082417582418,86.05357142857142,7.0175824175824175,24.686813186813197,8.139509932561175,1.8083494505494515,423,18,88,10,13,146,68,112,0.102,0.857,0.041,-0.7498,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,15,2,0,0,0,19,29,8,1,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,8,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,2,10,2,14,24,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,9,65,22,0,0.16535292775025928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607137055593754,0.0,0.1545826664420038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161023314423493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921404929844353,0.0,0.0,0.31600361701883545,0.14860854944360252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672148171402147,0.1181281646238624,0.0,0.5434081498894605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130095053830486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939738794001877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908736447388976,0.13478470547774035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078308819978,0.0,0.14600966460954906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801178131918575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155342764815401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518943467490257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592931962051556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729676219528924,0.0,0.18509906497282907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152234760005969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059514794437756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505888186747075,0.13124945750289785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648186416247783
suicidewatch,Stone_guard96,2018/01/07,"I thought that finally I had found someone that was interested in me. I was wrong. apparently I am so fucked up I can't even realize multiple basic hints that she was not interested in me. even after she flat out blocked me I had to spend all of December desperately wondering what the fuck I should do. not that it mattered much. I was going to spend all of Christmas alone anyway. and all of new years eve.

I have spent so many years trying to improve myself. thinking that maybe I could change things in the future. well that day is here now and I am still just as fucked up inside of me. even tough I have become good pretending that Im not. 

my life is here now. and it involves me spending most of the day alone, then stopping myself from crying so that I can get some sleep. what the fuck is the point",2.1779580745341605,4.449561869565219,3.2859277950310566,89.42653144409941,79.37267080745342,6.509472049689442,22.484860248447205,7.6454224807358475,0.9394996894409932,635,20,132,10,16,204,93,161,0.202,0.715,0.08199999999999999,-0.9703,1,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,14,10,4,0,5,0,18,6,1,0,3,23,29,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,2,5,1,4,1,4,6,1,0,9,0,23,4,17,18,6,22,0,0,0,4,3,7,4,3,14,103,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30103371165607073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050429277539852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373864941501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603325821466233,0.0,0.15963691348857414,0.18745016615135549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879649969571107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920064744883186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593455787219502,0.0,0.5374167062406451,0.07592832393862205,0.0,0.08259373242836869,0.12189494115397005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698009250506864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265006199086006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734063983297174,0.14600235958256327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683342374500984,0.0,0.0,0.14035950530947108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738273414051091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543380100456774,0.0,0.1231366598175706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605980434405798,0.12150142285984612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655002783038456,0.09312085655529008,0.0,0.11537487053273116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866874696764033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306680860714126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760293444443868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588942792697256,0.0,0.18717402438303574
suicidewatch,mirrorsloathing,2018/01/07,"Had to put off my suicide, feeling extra lost I was totally set to finally end it. Saw my family for the first time in a while, saw my old good friends for the first time in a while, had good holidays for once, I was totally ready. Feeling good for the first time in months. Note written, method planned, day picked- everything. And then something happened, and my SO had to lean on me, and I had to put it off. Now I just feel even more lost and like I don't know what to do. I haven't done anything that I should have (bills, school, other adult stuff) because I wasn't going to need it done. I have even more anxiety thinking about what's going to happen when my vacation ends. I think about school starting again, having to step through those doors, and I just feel so completely miserable and hopeless and like total shit.

Just needed to throw this out into the void.",5.127639553429027,5.746554491228071,5.032961190855929,86.66688995215313,68.41520467836258,8.557363104731527,29.58054226475279,8.575989854853784,1.9798140350877198,682,24,141,10,11,211,97,171,0.118,0.742,0.141,0.3117,0,0,2,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,0,6,12,11,1,1,6,0,16,1,1,1,3,26,35,13,1,3,3,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,9,0,0,7,1,1,6,3,5,0,3,14,6,17,6,24,20,6,34,0,4,2,0,2,8,1,0,21,102,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440884902518433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101556492241576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523001831125717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939377276564365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958969309621175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525839902782375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861050297243248,0.0,0.0,0.16302320914286553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091358113716396,0.0,0.1163406263096043,0.0,0.2496006354635157,0.0,0.0,0.13519039146585582,0.0,0.3149192395136999,0.0,0.0,0.0953468020147127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402742915754297,0.3105331242627478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826335192023852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782329419615657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058447028927236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694347184946616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850524470543147,0.0,0.0,0.1830149431868127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949877153968886,0.13142836964127572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481236829845083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497964374453389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667931185524273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500758748475416,0.0,0.0,0.08735072986819117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127572771669653,0.1349912773133034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581531891117676,0.0,0.0,0.2158853178449835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway20489385938,2018/01/07,"I think I might be suicidal, please help Right now I'm sitting in my dorm room alone, listening to the sounds of other people laughing outside and in other rooms, sounding happy and living the time of their lives.

I know, I'm being so depressing. I'm a second semester freshman. I get along really well with my roommates, but haven't made many friends. I eat all my meals alone which is just so pathetic, I know. I've made an enormous effort to make friends the first semester and have little to show for it. Trust me. 

I used to be so happy and ambitious. Now thinking about playing music and drawing just exhausts me. I can barely get off the couch or out of bed.

The only person I've talked to about this was my boyfriend. He's so supportive, but he just does NOT understand what it's like to have anxiety and depression. He's also a few states away and has a whole new group of friends, so I'm obviously not needed.

As for my family? Don't even get me started. I have a terrible relationship with all of them. I'm too exhausted to expand on that.

I don't have health insurance so I can't get antidepressants, but I can talk to a counselor. Many times I feel like everyone's lives would improve if I were dead. Sometimes when I walk across the street I pause for a moment, hoping a car will hit me. I think I need serious help, but I just have NO one to confide in. 

It's so depressing. This is supposed to be the best 4 years of my life and I'm miserable and feeling depressed and hopeless. Please, help me. Thank you so much. ",2.6962926770418605,4.618493530944626,4.026854867897214,86.44391120762457,76.23127035830619,7.54489081915792,26.028350826396426,8.401726058763845,1.7673311376523104,1202,45,245,23,27,395,168,307,0.198,0.615,0.187,-0.7747,0,2,0,0,1,1,37.0,0,1,2,4,21,25,0,1,15,0,23,6,0,4,3,46,53,27,2,5,12,0,2,2,3,3,4,3,5,1,10,14,2,0,8,2,0,2,7,10,1,3,4,5,33,15,33,41,6,28,0,6,0,0,18,14,0,4,12,161,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099878932600624,0.0,0.08145984053922234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792495085735393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570368420328043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689898161144466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509379666862942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914103740130237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423132549812432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727958073970984,0.0,0.0,0.0973345050468799,0.0,0.0,0.09602741354755114,0.0,0.10301003271033578,0.07277097992884468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866446543112856,0.0,0.0,0.2360974083929471,0.0,0.2128769477473769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168702117546749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827565384298486,0.0,0.0,0.20482995628875414,0.0,0.0,0.10117298801134517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196253151671216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719488813567043,0.09953027728306486,0.10209353179147634,0.2698408057016189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277055285181488,0.06799437372971093,0.20654627983190688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080605937995192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488105882142221,0.15106031480364146,0.0,0.09837996391756712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902503574425277,0.07747143608945438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061900987042986,0.08894288213142998,0.0,0.22363006972293864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525607518347527,0.0,0.0,0.10936278949171016,0.0,0.08699048413190602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007451564514725,0.0,0.0720991877627597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142163853734227,0.11559297669590755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374731464710998,0.0,0.09378180639766748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958091791720829,0.0,0.0,0.11879432177243572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060430225699556,0.0,0.0879769656838208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158711100142143,0.0,0.0,0.11372645235921088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236058480082412,0.0,0.0,0.06559646147408567
suicidewatch,dontwanttobealive,2018/01/07,"SOMEONE PLEASE CONVINCE ME TO STAY ALIVE I'm at a all time low, ready to end it all.",-2.1501754385964915,-0.3572000526315797,-0.07789473684210435,106.90140350877192,102.15789473684212,2.533333333333333,16.859649122807017,3.1291,-1.3765929824561405,65,2,17,0,3,21,17,19,0.08199999999999999,0.467,0.451,0.8590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330347895730387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536683360163887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142572573617245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521119802624005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850910696231885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idontneedhelp25,2018/01/07,"This is it. I'm 25 years old. I've never had a job. I grew up here and there, I don't know over half my siblings. I have no family left because I have mental illnesses and that isn't acceptable. I've been alone, sometimes homeless, for the past 6 years. 

I attempted suicide once when I was 18. I failed back then but I won't this time. 

I see a therapist every 2 weeks since I was 17 for bipolar, ptsd, panic disorder, and GAD. I have agoraphobia so I never leave unless it's for those appointments. 

I've never lived so this isn't a loss at all. 

I just ended my relationship with my fiance. He use to help me and understood me. I haven't changed any since we met. But he no longer cares and just stays with me for my house. 

I plan to stick it out in the cold when he transfers his bills over and try to sell the house for cheap so it'll go fast. The money will be given to the only sister I know. 10000$ should be a quick sell. 

Once she has the money, that's all for me. Guess I just wanted someone out there to know I'm going. Goodbye everyone. ",0.1739189189189183,2.294319689189191,2.2777045045045057,94.54882702702706,86.34234234234232,5.533981981981984,17.889009009009012,6.918507183188421,-0.0027414774774778827,809,20,186,11,25,271,128,222,0.108,0.833,0.058,-0.8102,1,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,4,13,5,0,1,10,0,19,2,0,1,5,31,34,15,1,2,6,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,5,0,6,3,10,3,0,1,7,2,28,2,21,21,2,28,0,2,1,0,10,8,0,1,16,117,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400753904844912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197278615857944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039968076649638,0.0,0.08244548471411096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378936126177736,0.0,0.1430736858732278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500509666910342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978894386671195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395166400482824,0.1292345690286473,0.0,0.0,0.12749909601714535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372828854056375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899012348270493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065339885509373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121143979264089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342120533842039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298509918373172,0.0,0.0,0.14320733813397088,0.14694656214368926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942582339940552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629744467521904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31293311316182304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191926612722836,0.28806787193454425,0.0,0.1028616486027117,0.0,0.15868353885717099,0.0,0.0,0.12910882940534038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809682920095966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452049605730737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077745692120116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375589021386866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145945788730026,0.0,0.13376301517595324,0.0,0.0,0.1441556020150432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793856947136888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570325127318728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886377482433864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182402319045356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681022304598583,0.0,0.0,0.07977234808628746,0.0,0.10848720758618728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418962421034004
suicidewatch,borderlineamonster,2018/01/07,"Tried to kill myself, didn't work, told loved one, they ignored me and left the house So I tried again and broke a second belt.  I'm too fat and too worthless to even kill myself right.  I'm a stupid piece of shit and everyone who has ever loved me was wrong.",2.8516666666666666,3.893657685185186,3.2231481481481516,95.9991666666667,74.0,6.140740740740743,19.055555555555557,5.985473137389443,-0.38502222222222215,201,3,47,1,4,62,40,54,0.471,0.529,0.0,-0.987,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,4,0,3,0,3,4,2,0,1,6,8,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,3,0,6,2,3,5,1,4,0,2,0,2,5,2,1,0,2,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934887901174582,0.2045367759017224,0.0,0.21606554407873566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26090993961463904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003323728165133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567798800828544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081608448325417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322348324423132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193103630357808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210699039766566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606554407873566,0.0,0.30703870766568464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461667705370506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722465654928785,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deepintheuniverse,2018/01/07,"I don't know anymore. I'm suicidal, and very depressed right now.
People say it gets better, and it does, but it gets worse again too, but that's life, and fuck it, I don't want to be apart of it. All day I've been contemplating. I don't know, I need help or something.",0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,84.51724137931033,5.2459770114942526,18.287356321839077,6.42735559955562,-0.3487333333333331,206,5,51,2,6,68,40,58,0.297,0.6709999999999999,0.032,-0.9452,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,11,13,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,11,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646674855263628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360285340040587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211177478146486,0.0,0.2298583490359527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335434023498684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467208885629939,0.2788614991934746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888014428003338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29333415123274403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885011330041604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788383054407427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501696094775494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790910032566825,0.0,0.21222906765850974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054527899729347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29191704873549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019915630948908,0.15740931190061327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719675995980523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM-me-ur-dics,2018/01/07,"My dad is blaming me for hitting a pole. Instead of helping me figure out what insurance I had he'd rather have my credit score fucked for 7 years. My dad is selfish. He'd rather have my credit score fucked over instead of talking to the insurance about liability charges. But the only thing I'll give him on this is that he doesn't remember what insurance he had. I doubt he'd do any leg work to help figure it out because it doesn't benefit him. And he was running from bill collectors his whole life. He was an ex-gambler who screwed over my moms credit. He doesn't care about credit and doesn't realize how important it is.



Why won't help? Because he's selfish. He thinks the ""car insurance payments will skyrocket"" so he just assumes let the bill sit on my credit report for 7 years and then ""it drops off"" With bad credit I have nothing. With bad credit I can't rent an apartment or get a job. I'd rather be fucking dead than have bad credit. 


I can't even afford to eat. And my dad won't even help me with this insurance shit. I want to die. He only cares about himself. ",1.8280946450809448,4.048297324200917,3.2173868825238685,89.7256569115816,80.32420091324201,6.173599003735991,24.566417600664174,7.348242739294969,1.1318200913242014,850,32,175,12,22,277,113,219,0.224,0.637,0.139,-0.9769,3,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,13,22,5,1,8,0,27,8,2,1,0,24,37,9,2,4,6,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,11,9,1,0,6,0,11,2,8,11,0,0,4,0,23,11,24,24,1,15,0,0,0,4,27,8,5,3,3,108,34,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826536688639853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619559094295117,0.17617245583036728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946559955640192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499688148200689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786019405650155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908825742486136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007654440377765,0.0754956023384959,0.13861814784683985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38742283973589664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433945541634052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776165935358473,0.1020650510651133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923736273786455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865222819353265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979844388007366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636910173377604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832779503058802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614411312647273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599978148794244,0.09259015333462772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523020101372998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038932084493535,0.1613297656422205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519816180807297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861073046250894
suicidewatch,replaceablefailure,2018/01/07,"“Too much” Backstory: best friend was this girl I knew for a year, asked her out and got turned down. Went on to date another girl for over a year, eventually broke up with her because I felt like I was toxic to her. She made all my friends hate me soon after. However,  the girl from years ago, “A”, was there for me. We hooked up when I got back from vacation, and eventually started dating. She spent 5 straight months telling me she loved me, but wanted me to open up more. So when 2018 came around I made it my resolution to open up to her. So I did. Thursday night I told her all about my anxiety issues and how I’ve been fighting depression ever since all my friends turned on me and how I’ve barely been hanging on to life itself. Friday night I get a “we need to talk text” and I go to her house, and she says that I’m “too much” and we don’t “see eye to eye on all of my issues.” 

I’m too much. Even for the one person who stuck with me through what was at the time the worst part of my life. I open up to the one who I thought loved me as much as I did her, and end up getting left in the dirt for it. I’m done. I’m too much for her. I’m too much for anyone. 

This is on r/suicidewatch but idk if I am going to do anything or not. Just need someone to listen. Anyone at this point. ",1.289284256788573,2.5873051768953133,2.866523308742739,95.96177209229324,78.45848375451263,6.261434625647465,20.7077381886674,6.8959733430537185,0.08054682153508043,982,24,244,10,23,323,139,277,0.097,0.826,0.077,-0.7615,1,0,0,0,2,1,30.0,3,0,0,1,19,12,2,0,10,0,13,6,2,4,5,40,46,20,0,4,6,0,1,1,3,0,2,2,0,4,10,19,0,0,3,0,1,5,2,5,0,2,21,6,42,7,48,25,14,48,0,2,3,2,33,24,0,2,20,169,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941003349973014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113131666736378,0.08120857140869611,0.0,0.0,0.1484526130421691,0.0,0.08735682870168977,0.09450079010553304,0.09924094581727816,0.0,0.0,0.08162693088897273,0.0,0.06471133137612485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140351692490856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214134690255613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143146904203986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086338051093702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402215377391154,0.0,0.0,0.07011462409324372,0.0960236143082495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192580750348047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460461384696186,0.0,0.11092360419998054,0.0,0.1206610920674266,0.0,0.16980430192711554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480645551830448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248905019791012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215972631912186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533812567706407,0.0,0.14996136167291074,0.05186215416975342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161874126128345,0.20089356534105632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473220764144887,0.0,0.4682184906544114,0.15742573112696331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923925678033536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386725901145586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495592649191187,0.0,0.0,0.0926907789532963,0.0,0.0,0.1003511419403376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441901506220655,0.0,0.0,0.0845920899899071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781282328073459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994510485410649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513732089044371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532366942934769,0.09278447684464984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842755101768214,0.061900052912860125,0.0,0.0,0.10143601011823654,0.0,0.0,0.2309331296999545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261319063819869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840709626377832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508174341466465
suicidewatch,GoldDustWoman2,2018/01/07,"What's the use? I came so close to attempting two days ago. At least I'm pretty sure it was two days ago, the days have all been running together lately. Of course I didn't do it, and I feel like a coward for that.

These feelings seem to come in waves. First when I was 12, then 15, and the last time I was about 19. This time around is different. When I was younger they mostly centered around my self loathing, now it's complete hopelessness and is somehow more painful. 

I've lost hope in so many things. In my family accepting me for who I am, or even having the courage to tell them (hint: it starts with an L and ends in a GBT). In living the life I want to live. In spending that life with the person I love. In overcoming this crippling anxiety so I really can live it. Or just in being happy at all.

My family might as well own me, but that might be the misfortune of being born as a girl into a hyper conservative southern family. They say they want me to be happy and maybe they do. But they only want me to be happy on their terms. Nothing I do fits into their ideas of what a woman, or anyone for that matter, should do.

Nothing I've ever had any passion for can get me anywhere in life. It's not as if I have much interest in any of it right now anyway. I know my family thinks my interests and college major are useless, and other people are always skeptical about whether I can be ""successful"" with it. But I'm so sick of the constant barrage of comments about what I should do with my life and how I'm a failure for not listening to them. 

It's clear I'll never be free. I'm sick of crying every night. I'm sick of being a failure. So I say what's the use in sticking around?",2.287168472906405,3.8223191257142872,3.883753694581284,88.71414285714287,76.31428571428572,6.999014778325122,23.21182266009852,7.753152298057669,1.003902463054187,1314,39,282,19,29,438,174,350,0.141,0.735,0.124,-0.9358,1,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,9,4,22,20,1,0,17,0,35,10,0,3,6,59,58,28,0,7,11,0,2,1,0,4,8,3,0,4,23,20,0,1,7,0,2,3,4,5,1,3,9,5,36,16,49,37,9,49,0,3,0,2,20,23,0,10,24,206,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670675042389668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841117267028422,0.0,0.0,0.1281662323511351,0.0,0.07208961237200621,0.0,0.0,0.06589139018320059,0.0,0.0,0.25166771965255946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777987799765716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117521567882867,0.09880373522548082,0.10183469203132328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351285941227728,0.1823215784332556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098455648263859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834643499124112,0.0,0.0,0.062241411033486176,0.08524106524670952,0.07939715678755119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553459549766788,0.0,0.09529622087422827,0.06732159183012662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015634882902964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923396318252527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30094512723623995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359674158289442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637998531378162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178916000860461,0.0768142039284956,0.1063013251210992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26624422142268395,0.04603852187054227,0.0,0.2496340244190704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286877033454464,0.0,0.08505087911975294,0.0,0.0,0.09553962553803078,0.094671848703792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993715065553985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692736593998415,0.0,0.07267993748844542,0.0,0.0,0.0884332807573742,0.0,0.18084228714272105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167005864161365,0.10027281662506016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533077007611267,0.08228247596640895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587099983825703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036943383521265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047628150066961,0.0,0.14987910677638988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578811819528127,0.09830778685556676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670010620434458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881548969121933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236565246552201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260562947913283,0.060382062784297676,0.0,0.0,0.1098985179245972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841080476340503,0.0,0.0,0.1627777825724071,0.0,0.0,0.16674695407825835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472869418231127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,todownvoteajackass,2018/01/07,"I don’t want to live anymore. I’ve always been told it’s never too late to get on the right path, or that everything will work itself out in a few years, but there’s a difference. I don’t want to see what happens when I get on the “right path” or where I’ll be in a years’ time, because I’ve done everything so horrifically wrong up to this point that I’ve cheated myself out of any possible happiness. Anyone who ever comes close to me always goes away or is just never there for me, I’ve wasted my life up to this point, and again, I don’t want to see what happens in the future. I do not want to keep on living. ",6.661590909090911,4.191051674242427,7.471818181818183,80.67772727272728,66.34848484848484,10.618181818181819,30.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.0387787878787886,479,11,110,6,6,162,77,132,0.15,0.774,0.077,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,3,1,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,3,19,22,7,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,2,9,1,21,17,1,28,0,0,2,0,2,17,0,3,10,72,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432412179128278,0.0,0.0,0.09939690158531196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495595128979225,0.10220164711428337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732639979766778,0.0,0.0,0.08910054889663031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125907811690831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271083812762498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495770749594811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221419742045346,0.0,0.0,0.2627265334038467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272988222673597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585056457071419,0.15559487417625725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299177618689677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487997123146406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032403394753226,0.0,0.0,0.2581319390435416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22546221297896035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763454757967361,0.16477856085429876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496474425606559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23294843391816564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522972057566366,0.0,0.0,0.13966648479053825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448465383353972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640952827542008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980798271659902,0.0,0.18825034728169493
suicidewatch,Hotmessindistress,2018/01/07,"Suicidal thoughts out of nowhere, with no specific trigger? (Xpost from r/depression) Hi all, I’m a lurker here and this is a throwaway as my ex knows my normal username. 

Anyway.. I have a history of depression and have had one suicide attempt 15months ago. I’ve been on many antidepressants over the years, and have been on 150mg a day of Venlafaxine a day for about a year. Things had been on the up for me, and the meds seemed to be working. I felt I was on a very even keel. For the past few days I’ve been having quite active suicidal thoughts completely out of nowhere, and cannot think of a trigger. Have been reading about suicide quite a lot too, which probably doesn’t help! Have any of you guys had this issue? If so, how to you handle it/deal with those thoughts?

TLDR- Does anyone have days/weeks of suicidal thoughts totally out of the blue with no trigger? ",3.647663865546221,5.489524623529412,4.069243697478992,87.51588235294119,73.3529411764706,7.680672268907562,29.20168067226891,8.418075326091056,2.0792268907563027,686,29,138,12,14,215,101,170,0.159,0.7879999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,2,0,4,8,1,0,0,14,0,20,0,0,4,2,28,29,9,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,14,2,8,0,29,14,4,16,0,1,1,0,6,9,0,3,7,95,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039294922285839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797297566021661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197954180461497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292781985398953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683751882447314,0.12087313708600513,0.20196370505004474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260077788428558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743837766377593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257236670973488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160897253592834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858600057427402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237199284873793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443408761215894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996764262496839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188667397062924,0.0,0.0,0.13023135290384935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487396182930135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944738548384317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119224063293003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264085704782491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494062765391428,0.11727545744091875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673428808188032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6412280538988873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789152429200588,0.07512504784784879,0.0,0.3723137002746307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673835569532074,0.0,0.0,0.09404584787049554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535483153133064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100223578056385
suicidewatch,void277,2018/01/07,Looks looks and more looks I've come to the point where i'm disgusted to even look into the mirror.. i'm just so fucking ugly i'm a waste of space and resources.. nobody wants to interact with me so i guess i have to get used to it and be alone right? this life is very fun and worth living,0.040952380952383294,2.0978502380952366,1.7803174603174623,98.32857142857144,86.30158730158729,4.8698412698412685,15.349206349206348,6.18269132825596,-0.7352793650793648,227,4,54,2,7,74,45,63,0.181,0.7340000000000001,0.085,-0.7635,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,11,16,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,8,15,1,6,0,0,4,1,1,5,1,1,0,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22846259621846596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001699160978988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569626429974494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039300105019291,0.11524810240092237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430025024669646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580779664446215,0.0,0.0,0.19478320620763906,0.0,0.7409533050369566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852691842827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883809088626555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905171688591416,0.0,0.18200816526017266,0.13010849148590614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,d1_1ust,2018/01/07,"I want to kill myself This is my first post here and I'm just desperate at this moment to the point I'm doing this

I'm gonna kill myself soon

Because my life is unliveable now , it's fucked up in every kind of way I've lost everything I had.  that's why I just promised myself to not care about the stuff happening now and just have hope in the future . It worked out well for some time but now I just lost that too I don't see a point of living anymore
And know I'm gonna kill myself 

I feel isolated . Alone . Like a failure ",-0.02327935222672295,2.0751957543859656,1.9071929824561416,97.00791497975708,87.0701754385965,5.2620782726045885,16.663967611336037,6.67199483983844,-0.3185214574898785,412,9,97,5,13,136,71,114,0.269,0.653,0.079,-0.9757,0,1,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,0,0,4,12,12,4,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,22,4,3,2,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,3,2,12,6,12,17,1,17,0,2,1,1,0,7,1,2,9,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985169384450524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264120637410348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997120250807688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720612801761245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381747577549173,0.0,0.1473901552819407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292193805811537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394959785727035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161281663961382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502222812595505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288627475000178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443159825887249,0.17077790113551736,0.09012860067102033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583610889607447,0.08012077339089363,0.0,0.14481257787683732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580447460997884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100608230272212,0.0,0.15706403416273418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306845768604072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877376172714344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562811633474366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672982811288017,0.13017338500678954,0.0,0.0,0.14745322461429686,0.0,0.14798201157655358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939195248227327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaaaaaaayyayyy,2018/01/07,"I think I'm too far gone to ever live normally, medicine and therapy hasn't helped. Is there anything else? Every day of my life is just agony. Physical and emotional agony. I always feel like I'm suffocating, I always want to throw up, my back and neck are fucked up from an accident and none of my family cares. I've got several diagnosed mental illnesses, one of which is misophonia which if you don't know about, if I hear a sound I don't like?? Will literally start hitting myself and bawling and swearing and scratching my skin off like an idiot. I feel so stupid...I was going to be a scientist but I can't imagine being able to do anything anymore. I used to have so many things I loved to do and I can't do ANYTHING anymore, I haven't gone to work in ages, stopped doing freelance art, learned one song on guitar for the past few months, I don't eat, I just sleep and my parents hate me for being so useless. I'm going to be 18 in a few months and I can't do this. I just cry every day and wish I could've been a better person and wait until something kills me in my sleep. I can't fit my entire backstory on here but I'll say life has thrown everything at me from other friends having killed themselves to being sexually assaulted when I was little to my mom physically hurting me and screaming at me and making me into a crybaby while my dad just gets high in the other room and never talks about it. Nobody at my house cares enough to find me help for ANY of these things plus the dozens and dozens of other things having fucked up my head in the past.

I've seen stories of people who mention a family member that struggled their entire life for decades before finally killing themselves because everything hurt so bad and I can't help but feel like that's going to be me. I don't want to suffer and suffer and suffer but medicine hasn't worked, I've changed therapists four times and all of them are equally useless. What is there left to do??? I don't want to suffer anymore but the only option I can think of is just finally dying. 

I'm looking for something that worked for you or worked for a friend or just...worked for someone that wasn't therapy and medicine. I'm out of options here. Every single day for so long has felt like the end of my rope.",4.6731149927219775,5.318396864628824,5.410288209606988,83.46509752547308,69.43668122270742,8.290072780203785,28.585443959243086,8.344100000000001,1.8838093740902475,1796,61,361,25,30,584,211,458,0.171,0.693,0.136,-0.9784,1,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,0,2,2,5,20,30,8,1,15,0,43,14,5,2,3,62,80,39,4,7,14,3,6,5,2,1,5,5,1,1,17,24,1,2,10,3,0,6,16,19,0,5,9,13,47,11,56,63,7,49,0,8,2,3,19,22,2,6,26,240,64,5,0.07547671543180562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560534710574373,0.0,0.0,0.05132675470048347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455786152973514,0.0,0.0,0.1863327173023128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058036935267455,0.06301990472104793,0.046009905177683864,0.0,0.0642251257096991,0.0,0.0,0.06675302124921123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390708328423822,0.0,0.07984435707153112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602620156760656,0.0,0.08290762778831945,0.14602871226191255,0.0,0.0,0.07660727739090427,0.07833291438163195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723152266940148,0.06305111078268498,0.08490114597261735,0.06684996719655398,0.0779876232388578,0.0,0.0,0.06827301023157553,0.19077716410602005,0.0,0.1356672101268024,0.0,0.14230546010690706,0.0,0.11448988543161982,0.10784116117088552,0.07246948314409453,0.16536210496567785,0.06898435052867972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662624622905048,0.13955401440222984,0.0394334686265704,0.0,0.12868547022445445,0.0,0.06036562425998751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451763049624797,0.07746088506596181,0.0,0.08506774377223629,0.0,0.15177135411918086,0.07974529381293331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708999591051049,0.16159876983261318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25051140845866793,0.0,0.041480028914686204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200567215854562,0.0,0.1599343086634271,0.18437055341911499,0.07564749730727117,0.06664732252381321,0.06679451804342543,0.0633814316661899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812068248491926,0.0,0.050381293637030686,0.07652154290892864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760627768423335,0.0,0.0,0.08839741689913186,0.12048958833559822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821229593292125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395115589911466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228995145868,0.05740344319694422,0.0,0.0,0.08380796041995459,0.0,0.14410213049605036,0.05232605107566187,0.06590335664242368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060022113524906176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526720484503217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106244762606522,0.0,0.06395117605416964,0.11621132599617982,0.0,0.0,0.053422807659154366,0.0,0.0,0.06310191372458678,0.0,0.07890465072118122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606653248569187,0.0,0.0,0.17262840391448847,0.08763428398366001,0.15043012788304136,0.09672486326501242,0.0,0.0,0.044011079735952995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518764859914818,0.0,0.0,0.1335543668878357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679449785708675,0.0,0.0,0.2747397387884837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Victorhcj,2018/01/07,"My knees just decided to give out today and now I can barely walk Things were looking all right in my life. I really wasn't depressed or anything. Just reasonably content making it through life.

But since a few days ago my knees felt very weak and... off. For no reason. Then today it suddenly rapidly worsens and I can barely walk. In the evening I then get a fever, I have to throw up and all sorts of other symptoms. So I call the doctor and they basically tell me to just hang in there until tomorrow and then I can call my personal physician(or whatever it's called in English) who will decide what to do.

The fever and all the other symptoms have died down but I am so astonishingly frightened for the future now. Maybe this is nothing, just some weird knee infection and I'll be fine in a couple of days, or maybe some surgery, I wouldn't care as long as it got fixed.

But what if this is some incurable bullshit like arthritis and for the rest of my life I get to live like a cripple? I don't know what it is. But I have to just lay in bed and go to sleep and somehow not worry how my entire future will play out now.

It's crushing me. I'm struggling to hold back tears. At some random point this thing you never take for granted like the ability to walk is suddenly hung in the balance. It's like it's all meaningless because I can't control anything. I might as well just end it because who knows what life will take from me next.

Or again maybe it's nothing. This what I'm dealing with right now",3.3095175438596485,4.841196881578952,4.061184210526317,88.50662280701755,73.60526315789474,6.908771929824562,26.48245614035088,7.492282038375204,1.2797745614035092,1188,42,246,14,24,379,156,304,0.114,0.789,0.097,-0.7536,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,1,19,12,0,1,12,0,22,15,4,5,5,54,37,29,1,2,15,0,1,4,0,5,11,0,1,1,25,14,0,2,7,1,0,6,7,4,1,0,4,2,25,8,36,27,10,46,0,1,1,0,11,16,0,12,28,174,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463119663661658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569929447451826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208742453487981,0.0,0.1301527932763883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270240586652787,0.0,0.10884306714557827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973396279284905,0.0,0.11812154112831726,0.0,0.13769531239011246,0.11005893859764812,0.09194727442723903,0.0,0.1107940515512577,0.0,0.0,0.10926749289112073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455257435834193,0.0,0.0,0.07051017172107285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025008160968226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154937334698772,0.10240839895220276,0.060670897346693814,0.0,0.08538112157554542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173386819117008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016147201765215,0.20861892614419306,0.0,0.0942659537915538,0.09447414709211936,0.08964667870270117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125928721667893,0.0,0.32174696227553923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132493832647813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233545460963325,0.0,0.11353435021010945,0.0,0.0,0.2048671537026146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321368866308596,0.0,0.0,0.1009172671482779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838950267587421,0.2195222866427759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823350831501156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830821428355135,0.0,0.1068313412175687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116027152653273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191707117526208,0.16053181238726907,0.0,0.09330791514571607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418455530484225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238108282914172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808343198648946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598488654575756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108414117344173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shindemoii,2018/01/08,"I don't think I'll last for long I don't like pain. I hate it. But there comes a point where my feelings get so intense, I'd rather cut off my arm to distract myself than face it. I'm afraid that there would be a moment where I'd get so hurt that I wouldn't mind jumping off the nearest overpass or drink bleach. I think I'm nearing my limit here. 

I've secretly gone to therapy once and it wasn't the saving grace I was hoping it to be. Anti depressants are pretty expensive here and it's always kind of awkward to buy those here. Especially in this shithole where everyone's religious and mental illness is seen as a myth. The therapy was okay I guess, but knowing the whole setup that she was trained to talk to people that way made it hard for me to see her sincerely trying to help me. But I'm sure she was trying very hard.

I have a girlfriend, but I think I've fallen way too far for her; and it really hurts to see that everything I feel is not reciprocated as I thought. I expected that, since I am usually balls deep into things that I cherish and not everyone can be made that way but it didn't help dampen the pain I feel almost everyday, knowing that she'll never love me as much as I do. 

I dug myself in my own hole though. She didn't force me down here. But the bitterness I feel everytime I force a smile for her or anyone around us, it pushes me to the brink of my sanity. 

I've reached an impasse. My life basically stands on our relationship right now. I've been advised to leave her in some of the previous threads, but it'd be too painful for me and I'd probably off myself right after I do that. I've also been advised to talk to her about what I want from her, I tried that. Many times. Cannot remember always goes wrong but it always fails. We'd end up in a quarrel or worse. And she's probably not willing to give what I wanted voluntarily. 

I really don't know why I'm writing this here. I see no point in doing this. I've been told the right things over and over again but it's not something I can do. I'm not even sure if I'm seeking a solution. 

If I die quietly in my sleep the next hour or so, I'd consider myself very lucky. 

Please. 

",2.027076697164805,3.6746206255506655,3.8169603524229054,88.43081271885241,77.32599118942731,7.299582062577658,23.535298768778944,8.139509932561175,1.2061151699988706,1700,54,373,30,39,572,211,454,0.131,0.7559999999999999,0.112,-0.8277,0,0,2,0,0,1,39.0,3,0,0,2,24,26,3,3,18,1,35,10,3,2,3,64,70,32,1,9,21,0,6,1,1,4,5,1,0,0,31,11,1,1,13,2,2,5,15,14,0,0,16,12,58,12,47,44,4,51,0,4,4,1,27,29,0,11,14,241,89,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555052454576471,0.0,0.0,0.06832210951469485,0.21326557697842613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059737938131259674,0.0,0.0,0.07605500822105303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735944407688316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358479354394468,0.0,0.08866774420538166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369349388930811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756697977895242,0.0,0.0,0.05642882250902442,0.0,0.0,0.16327305993606928,0.07678321162656622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279343267457484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892722232260406,0.08195676207919589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411596890875888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306544440598424,0.08434909197227304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145301751375449,0.0,0.0,0.08485594768027792,0.08413598327941116,0.0,0.18291925559688305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896710705640946,0.14085805267708745,0.06964069431718192,0.0,0.0904630257916894,0.0,0.0,0.06034506474568487,0.04173908553925596,0.0,0.0,0.07560703296882502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710816452253907,0.1616807832665529,0.0,0.08661738997471813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609809674320643,0.0,0.0862647059301377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280434466244972,0.0,0.06589251792983918,0.0,0.09086078703690052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098518158403664,0.0,0.0,0.2727256762593939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059229673103321376,0.0,0.0,0.09378165985380726,0.16152683838391674,0.0,0.0,0.08691781795764833,0.18422614218772132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946333029065664,0.0,0.0,0.09172490924392952,0.09678087588701106,0.21888233555041328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042412161559828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067247786046937,0.0,0.08549641342265454,0.0,0.0,0.06577181641038042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610424127801845,0.0,0.0,0.13733837299460844,0.0,0.0,0.19540408117972896,0.0,0.11351805478969915,0.16422934411387774,0.08393917223243487,0.06782561936438572,0.049817668486303514,0.0,0.0,0.08163652996803464,0.0,0.17401368714228382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027674410348452,0.0,0.09409426678858483,0.14098517215966044,0.10078321511209763,0.20344229673962794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709154040900659,0.09538480656689374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706527194248079,0.060690369224683786,0.09340944744002476,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jordan19_97,2018/01/08,Feeling depressed. I just want to talk to someone. Don’t really want to say in detail what happened. Basically I was with a girl for all my life since I was a kid. They where my only friend I’ve ever had and now they are gone. I don’t want to kill my self over this I’ve tried to two times with medication and have it on my record for life that I have attempted suicide.  I don’t want a third.  All I’m asking if someone can message me just to talk I don’t care what about I just want someone to talk to. I tried the suicidal hit lines and chat rooms and I just couldn’t deal with them constantly asking about how or why I’d kill my self. I just want someone to talk to. If you’re just reading the post or someone who’s also in a poor state of mind. I’ll talk to anyone to distract my mind. Thank you for reading this. ,0.2317930419268528,2.2504189887005666,2.10982456140351,96.5286262265834,85.10169491525423,5.082247992863515,19.485280999107946,6.339386263674448,-0.13214576271186473,639,18,151,6,19,211,91,177,0.152,0.746,0.102,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,3,1,13,7,2,1,6,0,12,3,0,1,3,31,27,10,4,9,10,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,4,7,7,0,0,1,3,1,1,5,4,0,2,4,2,22,3,25,21,2,13,0,1,0,0,21,6,0,4,4,95,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389561776723811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733547494253693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615133917771346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696162599436224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336926260013724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815648011712943,0.0903578908276554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489611563117596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053045097272783885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105236395936317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927706030250492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321323316821513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820053192164165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568469027970792,0.0,0.0,0.21185618672858555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978795375753789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047373668930673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098746005394208,0.0,0.06720733436676647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342777630819609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888574672055688,0.0,0.0,0.08678173480533842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444448968195235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295066412075124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216090416182135,0.0,0.09658602976606008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611732293260496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245252755861146,0.0,0.10248076162788984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371267960801736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466397412466512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dirtysquid,2018/01/08,"Bring too much baggage to my kid I'm a single parent to a 4 year old. I know it's going to hit him hard but it will work out better for him in the long run. He will get a shot at a better life. I'm only going to drag him down. I'm such a poor example of a person. 

I'm gonna miss him so much though. I'm sorry ",-2.7059356725146166,-1.2008090789473669,1.3664912280701778,100.3059941520468,93.73684210526315,3.9040935672514623,11.076023391812868,5.033348758259628,-1.6638783625730995,234,2,65,1,9,88,51,76,0.152,0.742,0.106,-0.09,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,15,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,10,11,3,11,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,35,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411103194951016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029005743221006,0.0,0.2834552794904757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339429692532986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370519900433682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614352297596356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069226713094184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666440188161902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616809542803305,0.0,0.0,0.18966370880945102,0.0,0.0,0.276905490607407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774782744146315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791589935958001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450132678623817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815506349930504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059168121765194
suicidewatch,BrutheArena,2018/01/08,"I want to hug my parents first I don’t want to die. But my body is in so much physical pain every day.

I want to hug my parents and tell them I love them first.",-1.274729729729728,0.3881879459459476,1.4120945945945955,101.41381756756759,88.45945945945945,4.781081081081081,17.35810810810811,5.985473137389443,-0.6702918918918916,122,3,33,1,4,42,24,37,0.163,0.524,0.312,0.5908,2,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,2,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,5,6,3,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,9,3,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,3,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26443398986722794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535307456482826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24707149506827106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057809046023845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049920182762104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486087935682066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175003474731374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533154951321594,0.0,0.5286809061820399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080772909192682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212466414706949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarfishGoo,2018/01/08,"Tonight is the night! I've been planning my death for a while now. I ordered an Urn, changed my bank accounts around, and gave away a lot of my stuff. 
I was just waiting for my husband to leave town for business and for my kids to stay the night with my in laws. 

I'll finally be out of this life in a few short hours. This makes me feel so happy. Haven't felt this much joy in quite a while.  
Good bye, world! ",0.4026436781609206,2.3599740919540224,1.2006896551724182,103.67160919540231,83.9425287356322,4.326436781609195,20.011494252873558,5.033348758259628,-0.6639057471264369,314,9,79,1,9,96,63,87,0.056,0.807,0.136,0.8483,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,7,0,5,1,0,1,0,12,10,5,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,9,3,15,5,3,19,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,9,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074884841160679,0.0,0.0,0.2189840827063728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465652015115217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785104048195635,0.0,0.2237910526206813,0.2553251239577544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195494437106254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481154449945745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295344913976021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679553035502255,0.0,0.0,0.16462960560830198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815424516570512,0.0,0.0,0.15558111147287124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133885821220055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374550870907834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24790672341826506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484297153800024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681809483921626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whatnext11,2018/01/08,"Silly problem compared to some, but it means so much to me. First world problems incoming. 
  
 
I am a 30F veterinarian who has been out of school for about 5 years. I love my job so much- it's all I've ever wanted to do, and it's the one thing I've worked for and desired above all else. It's a huge part of how I define myself, and really the only thing I like about myself. 
 
 
Unfortunately, I suck at it. I have made mistakes and hurt patients. One patient even died because of a reaction to a drug I prescribed. I'm clumsy and slow in surgery, and I'm generally not a good doctor. I feel an incredible amount of guilt for it- I love my patients, and want so much to help them. When the opposite happens repeatedly, it makes me want to die. The people I work with are amazing, and have saved my ass so many times, but I can't keep asking them to bail me out. If I were learning and growing, that would be one thing. But I'm not. I keep failing my patients, and letting down the owners who trusted me and put their beloved pets in my incompetent hands. 
 
 
So it has to end somewhere. Honestly, I should have quit years ago- it was my own selfishness and hope that I would get better with time that has been keeping me going. I am supposed to be moving with my boyfriend to the west coast this summer, once he is done with grad school. I keep trying to imagine a life with him doing something else, and it just seems so... impossible. 
 
 
Because I don't want to do anything else. I never have. Losing this huge part of myself and having nothing to replace it, makes all the good things in my life look small and meaningless. My boyfriend is supportive, and says he just wants me to be happy in whatever I do, but I feel so guilty about letting him down, and about having nothing to offer him in return when he gives so much to me. 
 
 
I've tried to fix this. I've tried a few therapists. I've even tried antidepressants. None of these things help- because none of them solve the problem. Talking about being bad at my job doesn't make me suddenly better at it. Pills don't suddenly make me a better surgeon. Everything just keeps going around in circles. I guess, at some point, I have to choose to accept that my life will not be what I have always wanted it to be. But I just don't know how to be ok with that. 
 
 
Right now, the most appealing solution to the problem is suicide. I have a gun, as well as of course access to drugs through my job. I don't love the option, and I think it would probably hurt my boyfriend. But I also think he would get over it. He's younger than me, attractive, will be going into a high-paying job... he will find someone else, who can be more of an equal to him. Beyond him, I mostly have acquaintances rather than friends. 
 
 
I don't know what I'm hoping to find with this post. I just wish there was another option. I can't keep being a vet. But I also can't truly let that dream go, and without doing so I don't think I can be happy. If you're not happy... what's the point? What else is there, if you've tried therapy and you've tried medications, and you still think killing yourself is the best option? I know there are people all across the world who have it so much worse off than me, but even with that I just can't make myself see much value in the rest of my life. 
  
  ---   
  **tl;dr: dragging down my boyfriend as I epically fail at my life's dream; best option looks like suicide. ",2.9767209210003966,4.502580132459976,3.9498679370120406,88.9916617705439,74.45851528384279,6.743088527193331,24.13574169644039,7.348242739294969,0.8985309461426492,2649,80,561,30,55,854,276,687,0.141,0.67,0.189,0.9877,4,0,3,1,0,3,99.0,0,1,4,12,40,43,2,1,28,1,69,16,2,8,6,124,123,51,5,24,23,0,3,2,1,8,11,1,1,0,41,33,0,6,17,2,0,7,19,15,1,4,7,7,80,28,82,94,26,59,0,5,3,4,32,32,2,15,21,399,121,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048219620696123434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700245451388706,0.04526262628657232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057039952893271975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476406109853393,0.04842482499667464,0.05085381220981758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045419187347220016,0.09947964118684732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417250173418216,0.14432906515161426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291090741890053,0.0,0.0,0.05567759099421008,0.0,0.05566697373926087,0.0,0.0,0.1261664016100587,0.0,0.2272083896163556,0.0,0.04817955846959124,0.0,0.0,0.10778603218971902,0.04920516234025552,0.0,0.0,0.04888847786186752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055009472311941296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943566733581376,0.046270024257900784,0.0,0.0,0.04202695442437805,0.0,0.05684033028068791,0.052182518335203605,0.123660178094758,0.09125117420394377,0.0,0.0,0.05992438144970879,0.0,0.04810304986552354,0.1737197182873035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729222679426241,0.057473372195357,0.0,0.10805690545457004,0.0,0.0,0.11646613612946916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592234690851336,0.29010309127314393,0.06018217389021253,0.0,0.0896854357103624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668737236406739,0.1921108989449748,0.053151211472756255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135948814661532,0.060856281235832387,0.0,0.0,0.1472861338190669,0.05147171644668125,0.18155195764135632,0.05514997696145632,0.0,0.05925423372832196,0.0,0.054799211827636016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781535709813841,0.2399281365248551,0.0,0.04195428708742737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439069562406934,0.0,0.0,0.057930984409229426,0.11058235861204363,0.04137133739694042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781320804799272,0.0,0.07542400222486946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028454149695576,0.0,0.05209724857384198,0.0,0.05864912057680523,0.2082021674186333,0.0,0.05468396682454886,0.0,0.05785786015147262,0.0,0.0,0.034848083886019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046454704482161636,0.0,0.04325864393529172,0.0,0.1101052502030148,0.043347332326953335,0.04952094709805131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046090365562061454,0.04187743547576711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344148052419128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190028850356062,0.06172902273401942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437222139156312,0.0,0.0,0.062207661639204576,0.06315906029867367,0.1806946072892684,0.13942149564375875,0.0,0.0,0.06343860673001184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215917805806928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925084094483569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048909397601403434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255381654936525,0.05243672586675765,0.0,0.07920326584430884,0.0,0.05543514695111742,0.15456815152248446,0.0,0.0,0.07005971430699252
suicidewatch,Ransarin,2018/01/08,"Just sitting here rotting away... I've been extra depressed all day today. I don't feel good enough for anyone as a friend, let alone trying to find a life partner. I'm stuck sitting at work trying to decide if I should go home or just give up on everything and the more I think about it the more of a desire to give up I have.",2.8765217391304314,3.7850743333333376,3.9862028985507263,91.06278260869568,73.78260869565217,6.0997101449275375,22.495652173913044,5.6839178017228535,0.18670782608695635,255,6,56,1,5,83,53,69,0.141,0.769,0.09,-0.3669,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,2,12,8,5,10,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,38,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433981680968329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432356739148735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079843670766688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156118827918252,0.0,0.20241267374073835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428268386278175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121069198152514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882747449584682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479372056726684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156716089482736,0.0,0.0,0.4508835737556735,0.1335608763467174,0.1971141717911263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357329164117329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031234751103897,0.16599361517454705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505841041687763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276079603865254,0.0,0.0,0.31911100093362965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108915349583093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DooganDarrgan,2018/01/08,My girlfriend wants to die (rant I guess) So me and my girlfriend had known each other for a long time before we started dating. But I only found out about their cutting until this year. I also found about their 3 suicide attempts. It hurts to even think about them. We’re dating now and in a sh discord we’re in they started talking about how school and life makes them want to die. They said they had enough pills to do it and that they would. I frantically messaged them and told them how much I love them and all that but I don’t think I changed a thing. If they killed themselves I’d be destroyed. My life would go to utter shit. I want a future with them. I want to spend years with them and if they died I don’t know what the fuck I would do with myself. I’d become a hallow fucking person because the thing I poured my love into just disappeared. Fuck. I’m crying as I type this. I don’t know how to help them. I want to tell them all this but I’ve been told that guilt tripping someone out of suicide is the worst thing you can do. They said they went to take a nap and I started panicking. Fuck I want them to live but I don’t know what to do. I’ve never cut in my life but if they died I just might start. I probably wouldn’t though. I’m a pussy when it comes to that stuff. I wouldn’t end it either. I’m a hopeful person at heart. I think everything can be healed and fixed with time but I don’t think I’ll live long enough to get over them. I feel like I could be doing more. Fuck I’m a horrible boyfriend. God I don’t know what to do someone tell me how to help. Someone please tell me how to make them live one day longer so I can see them again at hug them and tell them how much I care. Someone please tell me how to make things better. I can’t. I try to talk to them and make them feel better but I can’t. My tries at helping them have failed. I can’t fucking help and it’s killing me from the inside to think about them being dead. Someone respond and tell me what to do. Please.,0.2979864467586815,2.39639903981265,1.4665404354975349,100.72977627186212,85.53395784543326,4.196103443121232,17.281827694454133,5.170234540584222,-0.8697641237729834,1558,35,372,6,47,489,172,427,0.217,0.647,0.13699999999999998,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,0,3,37.0,1,1,30,4,22,25,12,2,13,0,35,16,2,11,3,79,87,37,9,16,13,0,2,1,2,6,5,2,0,2,22,23,0,0,14,1,1,5,12,17,0,1,10,5,77,8,45,66,10,35,0,2,1,9,56,10,7,6,21,244,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025996706077232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03831189604327264,0.06941129169834276,0.05347949164541127,0.0,0.0,0.1111688798660937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407829088473105,0.0,0.06648543821059948,0.05413846550071584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017945746733039,0.0,0.06903618698525503,0.04053211891298664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26090751206427365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055665165660302066,0.12987871644813687,0.0,0.04151087811437877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564842291109513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355623601371686,0.044899020547957164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782039413721922,0.0,0.3486148605317828,0.03283577622715002,0.0,0.035718282389261384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923476940110433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447584077366733,0.16850424762248944,0.0,0.0,0.062422796450746214,0.0,0.0,0.06728067843911477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139065229562458,0.0,0.1381596897028337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317538003181667,0.030704629573806742,0.0,0.1664892776175462,0.11123798763147266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344655007134655,0.0,0.16780759507269905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667238542305133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240183935858128,0.0,0.048472680428474885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042587807684258634,0.04779915845933814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097538688174432,0.0,0.2069665223441232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677613725912294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956673675272884,0.0,0.0,0.06360609340669023,0.050082161637802484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451313897799675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662568852696461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793812401682538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719465595678295,0.13749223778673414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725429207468999,0.10103057636714884,0.3295944455823557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670151502949743,0.2013540829902805,0.061748386598093674,0.0,0.07329499615721204,0.0,0.0,0.12010897603408108,0.0,0.08534008728183504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224182380107844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058261240524703425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339374316662158,0.0,0.0,0.08094481823600781
suicidewatch,NoidedRockwell,2018/01/08,"My life has fallen apart again and I have no more strength left in me Growing up in my family was torture. My father had something wrong with him mentally and, while he has never been diagnosed, his hate and abuse has destroyed my mother and I. She's managed it much better than I, but this is all I've ever known. My parents had me very late in life, I'm 19 now and my dad is 78. My mom is significantly younger. About 8 years ago, he suffered a catastrophic medical event that put him in and out of the hospital for about a year. For 2 years after that he required constant care. My life went on hold. He will never recover, though he has become more self sufficient. When this happened he started growing infinitely more volatile and vicious. It's been constant fighting and hate ever since. I couldn't leave because I couldn't let my mom deal with this alone. We have *no one* but each other. It got so bad that he essentially kicked her out last year and she was gone for three months. I tried to manage him while working full time but couldn't handle it so I quit my job. She had to come back because I just couldn't do it. We still fought. Yesterday everything blew up again. They were fighting and in short my dad, who bearing in mind is a frail elderly man,  beat the everloving shit out of my mother. I heard and came out to find her knocked out on the floor. I thought he killed her. I kept him away from her and got her up, at which point the police were called. He started telling me that *she* was hitting him and then she did that to herself. This was very obviously a lie, considering the fact that he was fine and his knuckles were almost bloody. We called the police, and my mom was taken to the hospital. My dad told this lie to the police, and that coupled with his medical situation ended up in nothing happening. Now my mother is getting a divorce and an order of separation. We're going to have to stay in a hotel in the meanwhile. I don't know what's going to happen to my dad. I still care about him on some level. He will sit in the same spot until he dies if he's alone. I don't know how my mom's going to survive. We're flat broke. I hate this life, I hate being alive. I've wanted to die for years and the **only** reason I haven't is because it would ruin my mom. Nothing in my life goes right, everything I do ends in failure and that's not exaggeration. I'm so fucking tired and I can't fight anymore and all I want to do is put a fucking gun to my head and be nothing, forever. I have the ability, it's the only thing I want, but I still feel like I can't because of what it would do to her and I am so trapped that all I can do is sit and stare. I'm exhausted. I'm done.",1.48188358404186,3.56506921582734,3.081322432962722,90.97643100065405,80.76258992805757,5.986082406801832,22.87887508175278,7.13173024886023,0.7292687769784179,2108,71,456,27,55,694,247,556,0.189,0.753,0.058,-0.9982,2,3,1,1,7,0,65.0,3,0,1,7,21,27,15,0,21,0,55,14,2,2,9,78,95,40,3,10,7,14,1,1,0,4,10,1,0,2,29,38,0,3,7,1,0,12,14,21,0,3,27,3,74,6,59,56,11,87,0,3,1,2,66,34,3,3,38,307,103,5,0.0,0.08118194811930207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607365658110048,0.0,0.0686103068133053,0.14192678325185684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795087738721614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437437905549633,0.05268567279840832,0.057209190399512215,0.16707035259572506,0.07567211607765849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059809705033312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399279093776852,0.07836568437322645,0.13971616857270228,0.0,0.0,0.05902169726851938,0.0,0.14808599679700646,0.0,0.0,0.07581323085225923,0.0,0.0,0.07063845967090787,0.0,0.06954374713265375,0.14222054550046778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011711758002086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137220830394195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395587263341395,0.0,0.0,0.12315809250220347,0.0,0.06459213321713554,0.0,0.034644470311765346,0.048948864248830964,0.0,0.0,0.06262368788799247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266865162093295,0.03579752817393888,0.0,0.11682009993999172,0.0,0.1095992927047895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176920587653836,0.0,0.0,0.27058709974574263,0.07031864839956319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679929748707555,0.0,0.07580438237304693,0.0,0.07531077307912802,0.0558508487138201,0.07729064318551991,0.0725500631092861,0.07444438599399078,0.07006371232090619,0.241979428463667,0.033474154368547566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804820060842926,0.0690494519461772,0.0,0.06918307015008611,0.4012339178068024,0.05468995732984553,0.0,0.05036819329137092,0.0,0.10568972886774193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723296025442136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642918245322267,0.10422118300489104,0.0,0.0,0.07608049529561774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477111624356692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775787954769328,0.0,0.07287671864777527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044732753861288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851350913339767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147862049279023,0.0,0.07033215521320779,0.056678324475608124,0.0770164598321474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274806352789328,0.0,0.0,0.09699397638182466,0.07303046170695918,0.16415431950901754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988725209401579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045519934619480014,0.0,0.06731802512141749,0.054395184355691295,0.03995306326544349,0.0787507041574441,0.0,0.06547133869745207,0.0,0.046518836005343435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130681076400232,0.12124006276735373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351634219651038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988150361773906,0.0,0.0,0.09734562997076282,0.07491305146461187,0.0,0.22061488597778087
suicidewatch,tayythefall,2018/01/08,"I self harmed for the first time today I know most people do it as teens and it’s synonymous with being “emo”. But I did it. I’m constantly meeting people, thinking I’ve met new friends, new love interests
Either they just randomly block me or toy around with my feelings. Constantly dragging me along like I don’t even matter.

Last week, I would have argued that I do matter. But now, I’m not seeing too much evidence to prove that I do.",2.080919540229885,4.455093413793104,3.3708045977011523,88.11298850574714,80.3793103448276,6.625287356321839,22.310344827586206,7.793537801064563,1.1597724137931031,345,11,68,6,9,112,64,87,0.096,0.746,0.158,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,21,16,5,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,11,4,7,12,3,11,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,3,11,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980196532544556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807594021153638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692018485248315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247285492171852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920820385523227,0.0,0.0,0.17185736743555885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224775813204825,0.1813191065735837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108673438330569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076169024216947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351973188649302,0.0,0.0,0.4296698143964064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084251676419597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725668017341095,0.0,0.23205447912303534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425312132025804,0.0,0.0,0.1297071379038062,0.0,0.21084806187627586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842875549038173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801570666887468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,silver223,2018/01/08,"When I move back to college im almost certainly going to kill myself Just last week I was feeling alright. Not good but Alright. And now here I am again. The same images of pills, razors and traffic flashing over and over in my mind. Im close to done and the thing is im no longer scared of it. I want it.",-1.0066153846153831,1.0861481076923098,1.1050000000000004,98.71750000000004,98.69230769230772,3.2153846153846155,17.26923076923077,4.935628992294339,-0.7600461538461536,237,7,53,1,10,78,47,65,0.196,0.72,0.085,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,1,14,7,6,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,4,8,5,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,37,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905171942455065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820923490306475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386250521792445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060919478169873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432361328662912,0.1834814710518816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7088794176201715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420202017739976,0.0,0.0,0.17831467326582798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208803775310736,0.0,0.0,0.23250214284470685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190121031034896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453312251411846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902747631681402,0.0,0.17547221491290454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kittycatnatis,2018/01/08,Hello I don't know why I'm writing this but my whole life is just shit. I don't understand what is wrong but I just have enough of life. I'm an intelligent girl who works during the week and studies financial and accounting during the weekend.  In told I'm beautiful and have a nice body and I'm smart kind of have it all but I'm a very unhappy person. I don't have family expect my mother and grandmother.  Mother doesn't really care about what I do and my grandma is way over protective. I have done a lot of weird things in my life and I still do things that I think are fucked up and not normal. I don't have anyone. I can never find a boyfriend.  I don't have friends. I have colleagues from school or work but not friends. I have been moving from place to place all my life. I don't have a lot of money. I have been seeing the psychiatrist for depression. Something is wrong with me in not like everyone else. I can't understand people.  Most of then make me angry and I just cut my relations with them. I'm scared I'm a psycho.  I'm crazy I do a lot of random stuff and dangerous things that put my person at risk. I don't think I'm scared of anything. People think I'm crazy for doing things I do. I'm so lonely.  I don't know what to do with my life and if my life has any point?  It's a misery for me.  Nobody likes me. I don't think I'm friendly. I say what I think and I say what I want because I don't see how I can not speak up and pretend a lot of things. Pretending makes me angry. I have been in deep shit before and came out of this but every time I'm putting myself together my life just starts falling to crap again. I'm tired of getting up and just fighting and pretending I'm all okay and fine and everything is just ok. I feel I have to be someone I'm not so other people like and respect me. Nobody wants me. I feel different. Nobody understands me. I have issues and problems. I started to get drunk and I laugh at this world and life and at myself because I can't handle it. I laugh at how stupid i am. I am staring to become an alcoholic. I want to die.,-0.016194897568038158,2.174619546275398,2.1867413433280802,94.2721253034627,88.3002257336343,5.4201456620810085,18.29077047574428,6.892418011121327,0.11375858426679165,1621,44,366,23,53,545,180,443,0.259,0.643,0.097,-0.9979,1,2,2,0,2,1,39.0,0,0,1,2,13,33,8,3,14,2,49,16,4,4,4,80,92,35,1,7,18,2,2,3,3,0,10,3,0,3,21,28,2,1,13,5,2,5,19,17,0,0,6,8,61,16,39,85,10,33,0,2,3,1,17,18,4,8,12,243,82,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275989467134183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266191005028048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414790462762497,0.0,0.06372658765888105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094413508199703,0.0855264843915784,0.06589580449473208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860184714543895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857082144371166,0.07895532284587664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666990275778534,0.0,0.0803705770063613,0.0809084014985867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924808863724432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469125008943434,0.0,0.0,0.08001630385568106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524660750795652,0.07399731522582055,0.06959815069315957,0.0,0.07300361559527085,0.0,0.07831206269778163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077883033162294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794900415267712,0.07159210626594077,0.08091849133658342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082732413482273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064192669825877,0.08511808565865403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375857504043783,0.11349993456710493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633471475141395,0.0,0.0,0.10338370969341984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230654975727159,0.0,0.0,0.05972656385795087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587483648243908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106160292695834,0.13523538200564153,0.1618168029971734,0.0,0.0732059066082608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740996982130778,0.0,0.15569733933251592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049610098324594634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231669199395752,0.1550620595662389,0.07837349546235937,0.12341943539178622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898225890486067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561472862695153,0.059617157096209274,0.0,0.0,0.10962497465491704,0.0,0.06184374805857633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865036441977997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572387412652285,0.2481023824032937,0.0,0.0,0.04515593350476622,0.08900598026141335,0.0,0.07399731522582055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418535635896576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389617632296413,0.13702849706574394,0.06146833110129229,0.06211776120013696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987762732104129,0.0864590839670433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275460134385155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693371418406855,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ek70R,2018/01/08,"She left me for my depression, death feels close I have been going down this shitty spiral of circunstances in my life for the past months. I have made my girlfriend tired, I used to live with her together, and I burn her out. 

She left me 3, days ago, does not answer messages, now I have been looking online for weapons, guns, prices etc, I reallly want to end it all. Life has been hard and I am also tired of it. Please help me out. I dont know what to do, i just want to harm myself",4.471633333333337,4.355803430000002,4.952000000000002,89.24433333333336,69.7,8.266666666666667,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,0.9110666666666668,373,8,86,4,6,119,68,100,0.229,0.7020000000000001,0.068,-0.9631,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,10,4,0,2,1,16,18,3,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,3,20,0,14,14,2,14,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,0,6,57,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670571017943612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071020562024234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154015079663807,0.0,0.16231904202468644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492131566944812,0.0,0.22087197493401065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669183060228624,0.0,0.2101810599556968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952902872627622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710531657886736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882181158954146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263197694517121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035718707215115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095214539365176,0.0,0.2662276437478242,0.0,0.0,0.16641232065118686,0.0,0.15825768733615156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832400275713925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042578793820888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179904976213108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687085542835856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332106771313061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276764722697326,0.0,0.0,0.22231542879024335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TehpandaxD,2018/01/08,"My mom watches my sister to make sure her depression is in check So I don't cry out, she's already got one daughter to worry about. I'm their brick wall, I am the strength in this family, so why's the blade is in my hand? I know the pain it will cause, I know the consequences it'll bring. So why don't I care about being selfish this one time, when it's probably the most selfish act I can carry out?",2.7651724137931017,3.3126406321839106,4.170747126436783,90.98646551724138,73.71264367816093,7.639080459770115,24.84482758620689,7.793537801064563,0.9994,313,9,74,4,6,104,56,87,0.204,0.675,0.122,-0.8325,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,5,0,9,2,1,2,1,8,16,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,4,0,2,1,2,12,3,9,12,1,10,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,1,2,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501385351742151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231107531143422,0.23285490634394945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24898889332767346,0.0,0.0,0.19523253198868692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368648441474355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129055649625067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491463516731496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130552980154333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26547587470402484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071980527203845,0.0,0.2411953237895121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443910926809717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363597348320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217444920254734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090730137054809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230196737905166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pt141_anhedonic,2018/01/08,"When does therapy cure anhedonia and if it doesnt why shouldn't I suicide? I have drug induced anhedonia. 

I use therapy constantly and look for an effect. It has had 0 effects and then makes me suicidal. Im not going to live with this condition and I want to kill myself. My life is over.

Therapy: ""No your life is not over""

Check feelings: symptoms are the same even if I replace that thought.

Same thought occurs again due to the symptoms

Therapy: Exercise

-exercises-

Check symptoms: symptoms are identical to before

No matter what I do the symptoms are the same. Therefore I just want to commit suicide.

Im not able to enjoy or feel things anymore. I cannot talk to people anymore at all.

Why shouldnt I suicide? Its not going to get better tomorrow or the day after....

And I do not have the patience to wait.

I am making plans for getting ECT perhaps and if that doesnt work then ill suicide. ",2.678387925497752,5.217943508670518,4.119026974951833,82.64966441875404,79.23121387283237,6.850224791265254,29.264290301862555,7.984000788550335,2.3156193962748883,709,34,128,13,18,234,98,173,0.158,0.779,0.062,-0.9644,0,0,1,0,0,6,26.0,0,1,0,5,4,3,1,0,7,0,17,11,0,7,2,40,32,14,6,7,11,0,2,0,0,2,11,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,7,2,2,2,12,1,0,0,3,3,15,2,16,27,4,14,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,5,9,91,23,1,0.09407647518467804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865971685604488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005215132235638,0.0,0.0,0.083202997257183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166324839453686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067154374150741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232695740429054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909884391009256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213662460311116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513578507035064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983021508413454,0.0,0.10693165768134784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203237473607292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408168120243642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328979931896823,0.0,0.0,0.08307125114899494,0.0,0.07900054538940654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125593555403149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522078256014452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5145219731112314,0.0,0.0,0.4889073947794009,0.0,0.0756151071999002,0.0,0.0,0.43033859287915854,0.0,0.06250022986936228,0.0,0.0,0.14937242570476614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125186914534188,0.0,0.0,0.11097748500269528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977877238901945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848879437985737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sssind25,2018/01/08,Waiting to die Anyone else is waiting for that moment to be fed up with everything so they can kill themselves ? ,9.255714285714284,7.989639333333333,8.333333333333332,72.72000000000003,60.42857142857143,10.304761904761904,40.04761904761904,8.841846274778883,3.692390476190477,90,4,15,1,1,28,19,21,0.318,0.682,0.0,-0.8709,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024289885359154,0.4431692419355159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488888809130613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613160927688092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887223053754885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785207967245619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aron522SK,2018/01/08,I don´t want to live in this society anymore People are just so fake and rude to each other . You ask them something and they just straight up lie to your face . I don´t want to leave in this society anymore with people like them . What should i do >.< ,1.6708666666666687,4.2857234200000045,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,84.8,4.933333333333334,22.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.36133333333333395,201,7,42,2,6,60,35,50,0.152,0.721,0.126,-0.5354,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,6,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,8,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020331413464298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28375615613206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213905697616677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482876386832599,0.0,0.2680193202856997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208538951440326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336694065381783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580554004668882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckitidunno,2018/01/08,"I feel civilization is going to collapse within my lifetime and it's starting to affect my sanity... Basically, I spend a lot of time on /r/collapse, and I've come to realize that this world will reach a brutal and horrifying end while I'm still alive. It's already starting to affect my mind, I'm starting to spend more and more of my time paranoid. I'm always afraid, especially for my family. I feel like this will all just end up turning me into a nutjobs and destroying my life. I'm already starting to think of offing myself to escape it, but, I also know that I may be overreacting. What can I do? Those motherfuckers on that sub are worthless, all they do is wax poetic about how amazing and unique it is to be amongst the last humans, as if I give a fuck about that. I just, please help me. I can't take this.",4.462472283813746,5.2321488170731705,5.837960088691797,79.76202882483373,69.97560975609754,8.646563192904656,28.933481152993345,8.841846274778883,2.1824341463414627,642,23,128,11,11,217,96,164,0.118,0.7759999999999999,0.107,-0.4118,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,3,1,5,0,13,2,0,3,2,25,31,12,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,5,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,2,19,2,21,26,5,19,0,1,0,1,4,6,1,3,12,90,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909149504574935,0.14164363401133048,0.14737889655983316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257409508538186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137533433889501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697395587258612,0.0,0.17911544235951035,0.12653530843488628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374555006627733,0.0,0.1699106437895115,0.10066197043345512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872050150139782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973410930598332,0.14437728999038382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510583068851847,0.08653239482920835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058197676118198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884176179067512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442571664814748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014687431932959,0.0,0.1414490936527942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317298127152913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349201245307815,0.0,0.0,0.20656140896393346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926568330822986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Catlady1608,2018/01/08,"How to cope with feeling worthless? Hey everyone,hope someone on here will be able to help. I've been suffering with depression/anxiety for a few years now. Often I feel fine and almost like a normal person for days/weeks. I have only ever been in a relationship once a couple of years ago but I would really like to feel close to someone and share my life with that person. I started getting closer to someone recently and during my ""normal days"" I feel so happy, even the fact that I managed to make good friends with someone makes me happy as I choose my friends carefully and don't connect well with many people. However once I have dark day/week I start to question everything. All the signs that he might like me back suddenly seem ridiculous and I am ashamed of myself for even considerint that someone might like me. I can't sww what anyone could possible see in me. Guys often hit on me and I guess I look ok but I haven't got the best body, I am a walking disaster,always tripping over stuff and forgetthing things. I am not a very good cook and I have no intereting hobbies as feeling anxious makes it hard to concentrate on reading etc. I never went to uni and I only work in a shop. I have nothing interesting to say and I am not very funny either. I feel like a flat character. I don't know if there is even any point in me being here? I just feel like every single person out there is better/more interesting than me. I will never enjoy life feeling that way. On my good days I'll be like ""oh actually I am alright, I don't know what was wrong with me the other day"" but as soon as depression hits me I'll tell myself to ""get real"" again and accept how shitty I am. I just want to be someone else. ",2.6401589391516964,4.6673976618075805,4.1030038559202495,85.35320417567951,76.75510204081633,6.874786043449638,24.7671400357378,7.831003766801068,1.4200599830715692,1350,47,264,21,31,447,178,343,0.13699999999999998,0.665,0.198,0.9627,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,2,20,31,1,1,12,2,30,4,1,5,5,65,57,22,0,6,9,0,9,7,2,5,2,1,0,4,11,19,1,0,14,3,1,3,10,6,1,0,5,12,44,25,38,40,6,34,0,3,2,0,14,13,0,9,24,181,55,3,0.07777656443779785,0.0,0.07589870748698885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894423160474222,0.0,0.07788199448299837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471633216292,0.0,0.0,0.052890730889741056,0.0,0.05949885891109692,0.08786537959581031,0.0,0.05438318225010571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980537719185605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162170594476609,0.06878705079976427,0.0,0.0863922296190386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929839098062955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062098257966933565,0.08605828921652489,0.0,0.20063779907096527,0.0,0.066988840983159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497233951701274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674142865445597,0.15411206184874893,0.07035335532633596,0.06553011001456274,0.0,0.06990056105486704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146093432322694,0.11112718634971036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017996150306542,0.0,0.08127008961886834,0.0,0.0,0.19570587649895665,0.06220502360528452,0.0,0.08567965433564234,0.07701102680746165,0.0,0.16558919818674975,0.06967252486212093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213199168304046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548793156426389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987177517738032,0.2659839051680324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531272559945007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574938212145215,0.0788532288254296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650172878798854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997216253507273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240903924161475,0.07462871122360977,0.0,0.0,0.1656590055475786,0.0,0.11830516400233328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053920476798421234,0.20373448825543367,0.0,0.0,0.07352399300101757,0.08768139026007027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712755217330098,0.0,0.0777976118807115,0.08852675778713763,0.04982565876160721,0.0,0.07679497434767815,0.08350292313950405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185104576365112,0.0,0.0,0.061977852091181236,0.07080486318069931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953989839219284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010130524570708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890355584012678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798014545948036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051671293447900564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283476221638999,0.045874632826712516,0.06173541664964041,0.12477533716391072,0.0,0.06993047201946721,0.072099654443894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662226522512855,0.0,0.0,0.0552502398579619,0.08503646364309858,0.0,0.10017111498622146
suicidewatch,fantasyfatale,2018/01/08,"I don't really have a place in this world. Where do I even start? I'm 24, female, going to college for music. I have PTSD and possibly BPD.

I am currently very isolated and no matter how much I try I can't seem to make friends, and my willpower to do so is flagging. 

My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago despite the fact that we still care about each other, and he was also my best friend. My only real friend, and now I can't even look at him without being in pain. My other friends don't pick up the phone, text me or call anymore. I haven't hung out with them since last January despite my attempts to try to make time with them.

On top of all of this, my health has been bad for months since the doctors are taking their time seeing me, and my 'loving' family has made it worse by giving my phone number to my abusive, psychotic mother, who keeps calling me and harassing me on the phone.

I'm bad off financially. I'm currently going off of scholarships, grants and loans to try to find a way through school and life. I'm pursuing music because it's a passion, but it won't make me money like a more practical degree would: I'm aware of that.

So why should I keep trying? Everything is so...pointless. I try to fix myself but I can't, and my situation just never really gets better. I want to look ahead in the future, but I'm stuck in the past mentally and I can't seem to escape despite countless therapists or...anything else. Even the guy on suicide helpline told me to go stuff myself because no one's going to stop me from killing myself. Is there any use to all of this struggling?

TLDR; Life sucks, is there any point to doing all of this?
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suicidewatch,BasuKun,2018/01/08,"The only reason I'm not killing myself is because I don't want to cause this to my family I don't know what to do anymore. I'm thinking about it every single day, but I would never want my family to be sad because of me.

I workout, every single day for the past 4+ years. I try my best to put on a smile and seem inviting to people. I dress nicely, I keep my hair & beard clean. I try to go out, attend parties, events. I give my best at work, I work on my portfolio on my free time constantly. I ask girls out. I travel. I do daily meditation. Basically in terms of attempting to make my life a little bit better, I'm the most fucking proactive person you will ever meet. I hate every second of it, but I kept doing it because I keep being told that effort **will** pay off if you keep at it.

But none of this ever paid off, and probably never will. I'm still single at 27, I still suffer from depression, I still don't have friends inviting me to things just because they feel like hanging out with me, my workplace still hasn't given me any promotion despite the clear effort I'm putting into it, and applying to other places in this field of work is a no-go because they require years and years of experience, which I am unable to get as long as my current workplace isn't giving me the chance.

Basically the last 4 years of me busting my ass off non-stop to improve AT LEAST one aspect of my life, and I'm still at the same place I was back then. Nothing changed. And there's virtually no reason anything will change. I can't keep this charade going. I want to end it. The thought is right there in my mind every single morning when I wake up and every single night when going to bed.

But I don't want my family to hate me. So I can't do it. I can't end my misery. I'm stuck in this life where efforts clearly don't pay off. My only hope now is that I somehow lose my life from an accident (car accident, drunk guy with a gun...). But that probably won't happen either.

I'm just fucked.

Don't really know why I'm posting this, I guess I just needed to vent somewhere and that's pretty much the only place I know of where people could maybe understand.

PS: no, medication & getting therapy hasn't helped.",2.2335880566801625,3.911562348684214,4.108157894736846,86.4344129554656,76.82894736842105,6.6067476383265875,23.534412955465587,7.419758726546812,1.0037038461538463,1725,54,355,22,39,585,215,456,0.15,0.706,0.14400000000000002,0.1958,1,0,0,1,0,1,64.0,0,2,2,13,21,17,5,0,14,0,32,11,3,4,6,62,79,20,1,9,11,0,2,1,1,6,5,0,2,3,21,14,1,6,10,3,5,9,19,9,0,2,7,2,59,9,54,63,15,69,0,4,0,3,14,28,3,6,32,235,80,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137162444259608,0.0,0.04750250810697833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927551202778773,0.0,0.0,0.057483155168617725,0.0,0.06530322554377065,0.0,0.0,0.05371272748753174,0.0,0.21290902828926025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466130523485997,0.061779396565395626,0.07626150101880218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175838278551283,0.14779064997269944,0.0,0.0,0.07548639286729775,0.0,0.05577202191916873,0.0,0.0,0.09009895038889942,0.0,0.06016437867938058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373823855555895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637226884647285,0.2942712768242091,0.0,0.0,0.06832974238026468,0.1975538774614545,0.0,0.035319829736746834,0.04990307357906745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396833716948148,0.1291561435977726,0.07299073062580717,0.13401893058581268,0.15879652183373247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695107264005285,0.06916555819344401,0.06177087180309935,0.0,0.0,0.13793096280554407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682106516393198,0.0,0.0,0.06937989662748825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483546041372009,0.07728211326717903,0.0,0.11516832232794663,0.0569396053532681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735726102828152,0.03412669965045382,0.07001116425694105,0.0,0.061817801522324564,0.0,0.07814775897039787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662749132297201,0.0,0.0701768348504422,0.0,0.0,0.07036965635606998,0.0,0.0,0.07053172516067084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051350071026908535,0.05179519371522975,0.10775004481058163,0.0,0.0,0.06555240891524347,0.0,0.06702594008963646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733427309775535,0.15937930666434444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668269464986262,0.0968546980978081,0.060993038649184775,0.21894488793359684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689996729823709,0.07106572243715625,0.1506269277578964,0.0,0.0,0.14044333213163435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474968901815397,0.14364125597427008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059654171684343366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635916450893108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789239073092451,0.05840032524479469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988311558265611,0.0,0.0464073003835733,0.04475905040368101,0.0,0.05545556426906945,0.04073190841996258,0.0,0.0,0.06674763720216506,0.0,0.09485134871306716,0.0,0.0,0.07271954786138084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480468929789333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303156408768533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525616814692489,0.0,0.0,0.04962164301031427,0.0,0.0,0.17993244266703834
suicidewatch,Duffle-muffin,2018/01/08,"I just can't figure out the point anymore I know this is stupid. But what is the point of being alive? Working full time at a job I hate so I can barley afford to keep a roof over my head in a place I hate. I wake up on Monday mornings and cry until I have to leave for work. Go to work and suffer through. Come home to a shitty one bedroom apartment in the shittiest part of my city. Still struggling to put food on the table for me and my boyfriend. I have what is considered a decent job for my area, yet I still can't afford anything. My dream to have children just gets pushed further and further back as I can't afford to take care of them and I don't know if I ever will. I feel empty. I feel alone. I don't understand why I should keep going. Nothing in my life is ever going to be what I want it to be. If I am never going to be able to afford to be a mom then what is the point of working this god awful job? What is the point of keeping a roof over my head? I cannot see a future where I will be able to get married and have a baby. My boyfriend keeps telling me we'll get married someday when we can afford to. When we have a solid place to live and health insurance and his debt is cleared up. But we can barley make it month to month. Debt is not getting paid, we can't save, rent is continuing to skyrocket, we might not even be able to keep our shit one bedroom soon. My boyfriend is almost 40 and I just feel like our opportunity to have children is closing and there is no way we can swing it. So why even try anymore. If i am never going to be a mom then I don't want to do this life thing. There is literally no fucking point to my life except to suffer until I die. Might as well speed up the process. I don't have to suffer, I don't have to spend my days at a job I can't fucking stand. I don't have to live in this fucked up city in a shitty apartment with neighbors I can hear shitting on the other side of the wall. I don't have to fight my boyfriend to just go down to the court house and get married (its not good enough for him). I can just stop it all right now. I'll never have a family anyway. ",1.814803921568629,2.9384835032679746,3.3933932461873617,93.44276960784315,76.7124183006536,5.8843137254901965,22.118191721132888,5.985473137389443,0.10133159041394267,1644,43,386,9,36,545,183,459,0.171,0.775,0.054000000000000006,-0.9954,12,1,0,0,1,0,37.0,9,0,1,5,25,19,9,1,24,1,60,13,5,1,7,63,96,26,1,6,14,2,3,1,1,6,4,1,5,2,16,21,1,6,7,1,5,9,21,13,1,2,1,5,57,6,64,81,4,73,0,3,1,3,20,36,5,6,27,276,73,8,0.21455071567997167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161384998894073,0.07406994544470055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185110563829506,0.0,0.0,0.0588523193662961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499208564419277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729162512304544,0.0,0.0,0.061605481313206124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855796221632654,0.046122487425241686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422325656209347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389608077294968,0.0,0.09447248282041998,0.12938227039521238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067419773406123,0.0,0.1084832883754984,0.05109169138367727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647852567848173,0.0,0.0,0.1983486794219605,0.18682315614759729,0.0,0.2438682320882221,0.05998498700753384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121627544140572,0.14679395478041546,0.07601912597467861,0.08060474988079437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173728707436566,0.0,0.0,0.08252090658806432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838779727917981,0.3178375568437865,0.0,0.0,0.07860764156783995,0.0,0.0,0.0757260764091065,0.0,0.0,0.15154351550323727,0.03493954743532686,0.0,0.12630147513116236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773808957666399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173626944533014,0.0,0.16751947009057291,0.11416822288168535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654747385644651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862239938657785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692341170727573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744583908893192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494398887290097,0.0,0.3380329587291336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189424285455842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107504630183394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056989714140712286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468221509792404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422698579232213,0.059791335084518976,0.0,0.07476499732778863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377181234177402,0.0,0.06250892740329538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751265401299242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04170208256138085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048555284155947794,0.0,0.0,0.07445162052007714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436504728360797,0.05676679053099017,0.0,0.0,0.06430228663380193,0.0,0.12906576644807433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082606350689472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSaddestTrombone,2018/01/08,"Fuck dental problems, just kill me instead Holy fuck this hurts so bad. Fuck wisdom teeth and not being able to eat or sleep or even properly close my fucking mouth. Fuck having to wait for the dentist office to email me back because I can't stop crying and can't talk on the phone and fuck the fact that they'll probably say I have to call to set up an appointment. Fuck generic brand orajel and fuck being sick while this is happening so I have to deal with a sore throat and other shit at the same time. And fuck the fact that even *if* extractions are covered I'll have to live with all of these missing teeth because I can't afford implants. Literally the only good thing about this is that they're all in the back so I don't look like a fucking hillbilly from the front.

It's so pathetic that I want to end it over a fucking tooth.",4.749390374331551,5.319905917647058,5.0137433155080195,86.64275401069521,69.23529411764707,8.064171122994653,27.219251336898395,8.00094639256281,1.4717647058823533,666,20,139,8,11,210,105,170,0.304,0.635,0.061,-0.9945,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,11,20,13,0,12,0,14,22,7,0,4,23,30,14,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,12,9,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,17,0,0,0,2,10,3,19,27,3,14,0,2,1,11,7,6,12,3,7,90,22,0,0.08795998203200872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352715934738993,0.0734429109058233,0.10723917726335222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981697617024025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661990997960136,0.0,0.09068287916515093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000502085233247,0.0,0.0,0.07790643617450528,0.0,0.0,0.1161934771235878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8944934462235704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377665969536769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778272161860368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416297999688487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731468776286192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042972804190530484,0.0,0.07767027563583867,0.0,0.07386423161932873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689752996393547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483573768720976,0.08416582354958133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994930816702119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028965753695052,0.0,0.0,0.08802350567908175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735384835660334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069890169242737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584367036021869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512901728783022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188107636703015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisGuyHmm,2018/01/08,"I need something to live for Hi, I have been thinking about suicide since my girlfriend broke up with me. I can't find a meaning with life anymore. I can't concentrate in school anymore. The only thing going through my head is her. My friends keeps asking me if I am fine, and I say yea. I don't want them to be worried about me. 

Before I found this girl, I was very sad every day. I became happy at the time I met her. She is so beautiful and sweet. Now I am deeper down than ever before.

Sorry for my english. I am from Denmark",0.6659696969696967,2.8338478090909125,2.466818181818184,93.7035606060606,84.54545454545455,4.393939393939394,21.89393939393939,5.46131890053228,0.0739393939393933,409,14,87,2,12,135,78,110,0.135,0.718,0.14800000000000002,0.5329999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,12,2,1,0,1,13,21,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,2,24,4,15,16,0,9,0,2,0,0,11,4,0,1,4,62,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761108660983712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772722568144489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227110486098891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229138866462058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715251973438967,0.1597658704418259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733123279307217,0.0,0.0,0.20791224141930686,0.14650254787406447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077673329508145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185760697022254,0.0,0.0,0.19460828740823768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854596690691492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393659643102845,0.0,0.0,0.16744091273497647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065554435819188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406033286347554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421712019402494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079611741794616,0.0,0.1919089773454568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685841395431338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598133696961105,0.0,0.21226784177829175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741719333304626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597734343379366,0.12150300099057035,0.0,0.0,0.11057091391491007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564591419852424,0.11184477857781898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257174018104156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,codenamesalami,2018/01/08,"I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying I'm.... I don't even know how to write this. Let alone start it. 

I bought a journal. A little black one. I'm going to try to write down all the reasons why I shouldn't die. I can't think of very many right now but I'm hoping it will help. 

I feel like I'm divided into two parts, one that wants to survive and be helped, and one that doesn't think I even deserve getting another shot. Right now the larger part of me wants to die. Badly. So fucking badly. It knows I cannot fix or even outweigh my mistakes.

But the existence of the smaller part, the part that is saying ""no, there is a reason you were once loved, there is a person inside of you that you once were, even if she's gone you can make her again"". That's the part that bought the journal. The part that scheduled a therapist appointment. 

God but it's so difficult. I know now that I have to do this on my own. Everyone has had the best intentions when they try to help but it just made it more stressful. Their help set me off into a panic attack. I know I have to be the reason I stay alive, otherwise its just out of guilt. Right now all I have is myself and I absolutely loathe myself. 

I didn't even get out of bed yesterday. I just laid there. I don't want to go to class. I don't have any friends here, and I don't want people to have to be my friend because I'm a terrible, selfish friend disguised as a nice person. I spend most of my time struggling to stay distracted from my thoughts and my memories. 

I'm exhausted. I'm just so tired. Keeping myself alive is taking every single ounce of energy I have. And that's for the bare minimum. Actually taking care of myself demands so much more energy, energy I'm not even sure I'm willing to give to someone I hate so much. My brain sometimes latches onto different phrases and repeats them incessantly. Right now the phrase is ""I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying."" I don't really know which way I mean by that. ",1.2393114400431493,3.322275975429978,3.1256894588601942,90.33371546713013,81.62899262899262,6.231173967759334,20.983340324803734,7.407850130929222,0.6770017258944092,1530,45,328,23,41,512,187,407,0.174,0.674,0.152,-0.866,1,1,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,4,3,2,27,25,3,5,20,0,34,5,1,7,3,53,82,21,2,8,11,0,1,1,3,3,2,1,1,2,20,11,0,1,13,0,3,3,12,15,0,4,9,3,46,10,36,66,16,32,0,0,1,2,23,13,1,4,13,218,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.06823888972706092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242352172487214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755291456560591,0.07332479812142981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955231958050102,0.0,0.0,0.11677263301061147,0.0426269905988313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338431411699994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806191542815158,0.0,0.0,0.07129547177846443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451468500980281,0.07305907249525491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771176570011968,0.0,0.05891670753223947,0.06681846529413744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035357308758535516,0.04995602735590988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620768141898064,0.06464659769434111,0.07306818346756452,0.06708057121919421,0.07948251299772467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690386629214664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874829940850256,0.0,0.0,0.06945351789567611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215453532429509,0.0,0.0,0.1921508853101476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150533077881131,0.0,0.03416291260304472,0.07008545538377248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311205555970248,0.06616683615567208,0.0466769692727886,0.07089523609296801,0.0,0.0761712537543436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028091205197504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894043635451465,0.14215350311020444,0.0,0.0,0.0820445381879862,0.0,0.4543462568589898,0.0,0.048478736886379485,0.1221155206983819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479717437078021,0.215690517584608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886989067601164,0.0,0.0556089402720425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592491153789099,0.0,0.06915981888090926,0.0,0.04949485357675722,0.14906624694299064,0.0,0.0,0.08010140614134804,0.0731031240231123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590558707878877,0.0,0.10515314938979327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119090411250522,0.0,0.08961309137995672,0.0,0.05551440997464152,0.040775130374726944,0.08037106461117532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798079942749272,0.0,0.06830874325771627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769728843586869,0.16497956892180746,0.055504980631338886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309844893343415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rxBootySlayer,2018/01/08,"Stuck in the same apartment as my ex who raped me Everyone is trying to talk to me about how I shouldn't go to the hospital, where the fuck do I go

I really feel there is nothing 

I have two kids and they don't deserve a mom like me ",3.6310897435897402,2.958641980769228,5.239230769230769,88.3724358974359,71.5,9.241025641025642,26.948717948717945,8.841846274778883,1.5567871794871793,181,5,45,3,3,62,39,52,0.229,0.7709999999999999,0.0,-0.9044,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,0,5,11,3,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,1,9,1,6,9,1,5,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33131382621917554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531628716756792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205448006008467,0.0,0.0,0.3941074579140624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939397275110898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060840885865536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33269523233871684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212307899105527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27868713835201403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354058104633269,0.0,0.3387032460759459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZegoggleZeydonothing,2018/01/08,"Depressed, Anxious, and good at hiding it. So.... My short story. I've always been pretty smart, bright, succeeded in most things I've tried pretty easily or with little work. Things when I was young were always easy. In school you follow directions study and you succeed.

Until I got to med school. I experienced failure and shame. I became depressed and wallowed dropped out. Since then It's like I'm afraid of everything, trying, doing. I lock myself away as much as I can and just waste as much time on the internet as possible.

6 years later, my life right now, on the outside is good. I have a girlfriend, we're weeks away from closing on a house. My family works a franchise business. We have some staff and management issues employees and turnover. We're about to lose a store manager, but I'm sure we can manage with the corporation breathing down our necks.

I know I have everything going for me, I have no right to be depressed and anxious, but I am. Thoughts of the future and how I am going to continue to keep things up keep invading my mind. Thoughts of the extra headache of having to be more involved in directly managing people (I'm not good with people). Now, I continue to lock myself away as much as I can and just waste as much time on the internet as possible.

These thoughts keep invading, they have kept me up the past week. I'm so tired. Then today I thought really serious about suicide, and it gave me relief. My family doesnt have a clue, my girlfriend notices im down, but really I've been keeping it under wraps. The shame of it I guess...

I thought about how I would acquire the means and how long it might take, and it made me almost excited. I've been thinking about it one and off the a while, but today, this morning i really started to form a plan.

I guess, I'm held back by the slight fear I feel about death, and devastating my girlfriend. I'm being selfish, I know.

I feel like doing any sort of living is too much of a hassle. A small road bump in my life seems so agonizing to overcome. I know if i try i can, but not sure if i want to even try.",3.465374917053752,5.128385875912407,4.541238664012387,84.68706702057067,73.45255474452554,7.804202610042026,26.323158593231586,8.484438967287268,1.801633576642336,1629,57,323,29,33,532,201,411,0.171,0.735,0.094,-0.9907,2,0,0,0,0,1,63.0,3,2,1,7,19,23,0,4,20,0,28,5,2,4,2,69,64,42,2,4,12,0,2,2,3,2,3,0,0,0,13,22,0,6,13,0,2,3,4,10,0,1,15,4,47,13,56,44,10,53,0,4,1,0,11,26,0,11,25,218,60,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819816930103915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995811760118836,0.0,0.0,0.053105449546166285,0.0,0.0,0.17644416722874667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201108911695505,0.06004816699682981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178237973701355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051579235071299565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036866785170388,0.0,0.14723696200843467,0.08787556110567679,0.07897163795393146,0.05578916275712346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876332023728589,0.1965003768234838,0.06245755517115136,0.0,0.17205497008312182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010804230250463,0.0,0.0,0.08435309685266262,0.0815080839205261,0.0,0.27764813743863576,0.0,0.0,0.1287524759098964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031781779294417,0.07630391735875983,0.07826901145392694,0.06895694154694132,0.06910923803024333,0.0,0.08736532104372748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389283309326264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506542049149751,0.08674295314199484,0.0,0.0,0.08284360140549908,0.07885097274208612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28703417090843497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890861394496789,0.0,0.0,0.052917371144620216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454794741270666,0.10827875175683012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760746946870817,0.0,0.1588959104579931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500838027546863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338081422845338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580671762592421,0.0,0.07109230721550053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459876684567352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527413983824395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542031360719997,0.0,0.14720215832804195,0.0,0.05871569934831186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564318478995806,0.050038399816573306,0.0,0.3099828606642159,0.09107250937756788,0.08975562393324897,0.14804475993225702,0.0,0.0,0.21207821288609546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606086847441206,0.0,0.12528188325053394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370426532282818,0.0,0.0,0.05547453733069308,0.0,0.0,0.05028888808488585
suicidewatch,Kranova,2018/01/08,"My thoughts on my life before it's over. I'm writing this to say I am very tired and that I feel that all this effort is basically for nothing. I have decided that, with the circumstances I prefer to stay private, as well as my personal mental issues mostly caused by being a shut in without choice for most of my childhood, and the perception that my future is bleak and meaningless, living is not the best course of action for me and that there is no hope.
Life is not worth living to me anymore. I have no ability to socialize with other people and fail to make friends and end up lonely. I also seemingly have no drive or interest in anything in life which further compounds the issue of being unable to socialize or make friends and live a normal life with personal interests and goals with which to not only enjoy, but to share with others. I live in a constant state of guilt where I feel as though if I share my problems or emotions with anyone no matter how close they may be, then I destroy that relationship by burdening them with my problems and drive them away from me.
I am, and have always felt, that I am stupid, unable to focus, or remember simple things and am always placed at fault for it either by others or by myself. I fail at almost every task I attempt and never improve no matter how hard I try. More often than not, most people will try and take over the task I am trying to do because I am too incompetent to do it myself. This leads me to the conclusion that I cannot pursue any career or ambition properly and expect to succeed. Despite being 24, I feel like a stupid kid who has terrible decision making abilities and more often than not, cannot make a proper decision for myself or seemingly make the wrong decision every time.
I feel as though I have an excessive amount of personal mental problems and/or twisted lines of thinking that, while I know to be wrong sometimes, I can't seem to change no matter how hard I try and I HATE myself for it. I am constantly paranoid of my friends or loved ones not actually liking me or wanting to be around me and I am almost always depressed or anxious but have to force a smile, joke, and laugh lest I drive people away with a frown for being a ""downer"" on top of being an uninteresting person by default. I am completely unable to accept compliments or trust the words of other people without doubting them; most especially from people who say they care about me. I am deathly afraid of these aspects and feel entirely lost and alone on how to properly deal with these negative emotions or mental problems. I fear that I do not have the time, means, or money to seek professional help without causing detriment to what little money I have or earn.
I do not, in any way, feel that I can lead a normal, happy life. It feels like nobody truly likes me or wants to be around me and that's my fault for being uninteresting and being unable to socialize. I feel like more often than not, people tell me niceties and compliments to me just to make me feel better and would never truly be honest with me in order to help me. I have no real future nor do I feel like I have much point in pursuing one. I feel as though I'm constantly struggling and fighting just to make it to another day where I'm struggling and fighting for nothing. 
I truly feel that ending my life is the best choice I have for not only myself, but for others as well.",10.121154386556512,7.1398638254931726,9.847250042151408,67.93492609453156,60.213960546282244,12.433676164783904,38.216208621367954,10.421817524276454,3.892200764345529,2707,91,483,44,27,889,262,659,0.195,0.649,0.157,-0.985,0,3,0,0,4,0,51.0,0,0,5,15,22,58,6,6,21,0,52,8,0,15,3,149,90,62,1,13,35,0,15,6,3,3,7,2,0,5,35,39,0,0,29,1,3,6,27,27,2,2,3,17,76,31,98,72,13,53,0,5,0,1,31,28,0,31,21,383,111,9,0.0,0.0,0.05336107040311137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951086595129274,0.05663334583929518,0.0,0.043728623619197285,0.13649769032109188,0.0,0.0,0.07437033140948576,0.057338120982058136,0.0,0.06177431555618908,0.05422916592599383,0.03823444315294303,0.0,0.04499805874171277,0.09735591750538876,0.0,0.0,0.10274978094219872,0.0,0.0,0.033333218865590306,0.0,0.046529767094365064,0.0,0.11476932194365384,0.048361174808910334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575123956750136,0.11234553546412306,0.05784557519015665,0.0,0.05733231287538128,0.1772732097157264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035264921091002904,0.05637402926265914,0.04709693192783243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230182270411342,0.09686282026075847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214272363228733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153167573266018,0.33178215814620426,0.1562573543303913,0.05250263249596885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673993271705533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058209270981015415,0.09796742599253082,0.053986472632014684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330345853201832,0.0,0.0,0.054310878635313226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414616137373995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03005141777677215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317381569993168,0.16028715518771022,0.05480503762482128,0.19313839312751968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969110896937906,0.0,0.04935201691405668,0.0,0.2555013918708274,0.0,0.0,0.059563976649328935,0.0,0.0,0.16531769701884588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019705434891347,0.0,0.0843471940881864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715214714870527,0.10493638285946254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410694124569875,0.08317520013713471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22745481080318505,0.19098244192900107,0.05713033032334516,0.0,0.05169151223711856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092905140807792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223930171206728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587072627195466,0.06194326441704946,0.0,0.0,0.08696954445676268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933943202059094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722212720861826,0.0,0.0,0.05408121350056407,0.0,0.0,0.0582830005709935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432955498798936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111353972888941,0.0,0.04779387486274304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03632783243332458,0.0350375753275923,0.16117232747342147,0.0434108519480981,0.06377022285457873,0.062848121565923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485000796703453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511780720069487,0.06450490642156805,0.04340347844225944,0.0,0.0,0.0983301287810018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813249375978047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884403353449596,0.11957085630394645,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emowolfsgirl,2018/01/08,"It's All My Fault Everything was fine yesterday. I woke up next to him and then he got up to shower. I hadn't taken my meds in two days since staying with him. He missed the bus yesterday, and he asked his roommate to take him instead. That's when everything started. I had been staying the past week to get away from my home life. He's 9 years older than me and as a result, already has a place of his own. I was continuously told that it was fine I was there, I wasn't a burden. Then apparently on the way to the bus terminal, his roommate discussed with him how I needed to leave and how I couldn't be there so long. She was concerned about the utilities. I went home and received a text ""we need to talk"". I was already anxious from leaving, my father picked me up and I was very uncomfortable. I still hadn't had my meds so the bomb was there waiting to be lit. I asked him if he was leaving me, and he said no. I was still incredibly anxious because I've heard that before. Eventually, he told me what was going on and I flipped out. I have issues with boundaries and to me he was trying to tell me that I'd done something wrong. It was like my brain short circuited, and I ended up cutting myself, telling him and trying to get him to leave. I had asked his roommate to help him, but she put gasoline on the fire. She told me I was disrespectful, that I would leave my bf alone, that I needed help, and other things that I was in no mindset to here. By this point I was so unstable that I actually wanted to die. In my religion you go to hell if you commit suicide, but this felt so much worse than anything the devil could throw at me. Me and him talked until like 10 last night. I woke up this morning ready to be angry, only for him to tell me that he's leaving. I begged him to reevaluate, and he said he would. I'm due to talk to him in a week but giving ""space"" is a boundary in and of itself. I'm horrible at it, that's why everyone leaves me. I hate myself, I'm worse than my worst ex. What keeps running through my brain on a constant loop is ""we were fine yesterday. He loved me yesterday. He said he wanted to help me."" I can't believe I've fallen so far so quickly, and I'm sleeping most of the time to keep what feels like insanity away. He was my only friend, and now I have no support. I lost my best friend and my boyfriend in one go. I told him I wouldn't hurt myself, but honestly, if he turns out like everyone else, I really have no reason to exist anymore. I love him so much, he's been there when no one else was and I broke everything. I don't know what to do anymore. ",1.8332858772171288,3.485292489833644,3.491015849294058,90.53543595390728,77.8909426987061,6.526621308058362,23.52542572855625,7.378060373470096,0.8299668934597086,2011,65,448,26,47,669,224,541,0.17,0.7,0.13,-0.9765,2,1,1,0,0,5,67.0,2,2,0,2,22,26,3,0,16,0,45,6,3,5,2,57,91,41,2,13,7,2,3,4,3,3,1,4,3,0,24,26,0,3,4,0,0,9,12,12,0,3,43,8,90,14,63,40,7,67,2,4,1,2,72,26,1,4,33,302,114,0,0.0,0.0,0.06348588603255671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737904829184653,0.14358321716706918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699094780192953,0.1290373908023221,0.0,0.0,0.053536063039621835,0.0,0.1824575002440328,0.0,0.12224569022862493,0.0,0.0,0.03965791761695517,0.0,0.05535840020746712,0.07329654358639882,0.06827291917033745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524942847624964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030310488912729,0.0,0.051942425090504764,0.0,0.0,0.041956144140616325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751851048694436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657551933838388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869293242056227,0.0,0.05762086406261425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432879519291858,0.17540611163247305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289458669741732,0.046476469239781375,0.062464566731291374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052518141614747,0.0,0.06797880778514744,0.06240824720997393,0.11091954562722832,0.0,0.05203172978847613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422995308984626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081826261166832,0.0,0.13051420791766136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964446760185311,0.0,0.0,0.06790221913918489,0.0,0.11565064325599403,0.0,0.0,0.035753422292324616,0.053029836178998514,0.0,0.4821990417410806,0.0,0.0,0.04595142149358488,0.12713353249046225,0.0,0.0,0.05757307005090723,0.0,0.0,0.07101699633382848,0.0,0.11743229652679255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452649920640567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564821664787336,0.14471599972656699,0.0,0.0,0.06918846371227111,0.06105123989438682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816811189513703,0.09895699686589003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062103914337253714,0.0,0.0,0.06797033141409264,0.0,0.06149954320528157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653998815865149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167694284093997,0.06688905047375722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565125792177475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053815516345016336,0.0,0.06510361279635743,0.0,0.0,0.050083771904283064,0.0,0.0,0.0460474173296229,0.13868342235015524,0.10390861699336644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116139374775961,0.07382549240088825,0.0,0.0,0.048914489119226426,0.1568701638977785,0.17058708547271545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043220733996696334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037935043935892164,0.0,0.0,0.24865759038583715,0.0,0.08833836224195596,0.07076293160648345,0.06355087409587215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367853276449956,0.07674417148464145,0.05163892450030664,0.10436900834207008,0.0,0.0,0.06030814748454647,0.058703489371553036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259652716732262,0.09242872631250786,0.0711292117903705,0.0,0.041894336546242084
suicidewatch,TheRealMrOverLord,2018/01/08,I can never seem to actually die I've tried multiple times I can't seem to do it. I recently decided to leave any discord server I was in and cut ties with them and went as far to block them on other social medias (may not seem that bad but they felt like friends) I just want to finally succeed in something and die already ,3.3367164179104485,4.545245358208955,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,73.02985074626865,8.345074626865673,28.32537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.158614328358209,257,10,53,5,5,87,51,67,0.19,0.665,0.145,-0.3237,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,16,11,5,2,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,1,8,3,10,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,5,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.1976153294839267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234689199602708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377101080833774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690829264617018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420335716486625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443622365677726,0.2218339487914652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564545924175666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442318794995288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893354445220467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618407225400954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999489142951174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5530578910945309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064279915157486,0.0,0.15589797520644513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808209154605168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748736649562018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944249093515907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877238419514572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idontmeanitreally,2018/01/08,"I try and try and try and I feel like it's all for nothing My counselor asked if she would see me in a couple weeks and I said I dunno, maybe. Why do I keep trying. This is the definition of insanity. I wish I would just never wake up. Nobody wants me around anyways ",-0.33646616541353325,1.815658210526319,2.2839598997493766,93.19105263157898,89.70175438596495,4.660651629072682,16.914786967418543,6.18269132825596,-0.3931634085213029,206,5,47,2,7,71,44,57,0.069,0.835,0.096,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,2,16,11,5,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,11,1,5,8,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930149041339772,0.20269652371896565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399061316500313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963021575688857,0.15489555765647214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927187152281964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592682562841774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782385711177926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722420165163698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080437059890519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624454765885966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277669447695668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888235533268568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788548090506138,0.0,0.1739191467599743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564544965056105,0.0,0.2493311830310021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30804403475208336,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BloviateBetting,2018/01/08,"I am finally going to do it Now school also went to shit and have given me the opportunity to finally end it.

Some story about why I am going to end it, a year ago almost my best friend died from cancer and 1 month before that my other close friend over dosed on pills (suicide).

I really tried to hang on but the depression have also made me fail in university and now I just want to go ""away"".

Hope the rest of you can find peace in this torment we call life.",5.8192631578947385,4.799725031578949,6.973684210526319,78.90578947368424,67.10526315789474,10.126315789473685,26.36842105263158,9.3871,1.829168421052632,358,7,77,6,5,122,69,95,0.152,0.685,0.163,-0.1908,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,0,3,6,8,1,0,4,0,6,5,1,1,0,13,14,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,0,10,5,15,11,3,21,0,2,0,0,5,7,1,3,9,53,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296198549685264,0.0,0.1727916061037794,0.0,0.0,0.2759886534448344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212363514421135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683388936849534,0.0,0.1810886554299188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620070017982714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862369025535893,0.0,0.17908764454917026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30566980069434074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37805704166344745,0.15771460751155794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663529494148075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942055447844273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138872689541415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188260344640578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327826372239232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773390622614998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054487830915014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463760022934885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712799467723314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188750111594754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715534823818667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177899960278017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996271248045096,0.15570648052731453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112149835514333
suicidewatch,chompalligator,2018/01/08,"My sister passed a week ago She had cancer.  My family is turning on each other, I was with them for three weeks.  Over the weekend I took a trip with my other sister and nephews into the mountains, where she flipped out on me and threatened to leave me...or make me make my way back home.  It would have taken me 1 day and 17 hours to get back to my family via bus and train.  Luckily she ended up driving me back to my family but she just destroyed the little self esteem I had left.  I returned to the city I live in last night and have no support system here.   My brain keeps telling me that my best option is to end it all.",4.267616279069767,4.379581992248063,5.1514631782945735,86.84952034883725,70.16279069767442,7.69031007751938,25.42732558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.9913325581395348,483,12,104,4,8,158,84,129,0.095,0.821,0.084,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,0,6,0,8,2,1,2,1,18,16,6,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,10,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,5,0,23,2,16,10,3,30,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,14,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406426779979663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659996584701616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665040720541561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771172347596202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232269151512846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810516561557137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487120965084269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828933964385946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914909852466755,0.0,0.1562483192352444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410244594182507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932922411210296,0.0,0.1679982236131413,0.17238475156282373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590191835078374,0.14009984715914173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181380649480275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889183251427549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551717192882254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800456938933946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867599196587427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627729964424652,0.0,0.17257671718376302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125937067145853,0.2545352549207976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127076408393716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sade1994,2018/01/08,If I attempt Suicide as a Jane doe can I receive free help? I’ve been looking for affordable help for years. I’m tired of being denied and I’m tired of living. Me and my family can’t afford therapy and I don’t want to further burden them. If I live I’m a burden if I die i am too. If I slit my wrist and get admitted with no ID will I get help? ,-1.1821237693389577,0.6264725316455717,2.4713080168776402,92.97872011251759,89.50632911392404,5.536427566807316,18.904360056258792,6.937597516519254,0.2366950773558369,266,8,64,4,9,98,50,79,0.287,0.5529999999999999,0.159,-0.924,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,0,11,15,9,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,12,2,7,12,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,1,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306776051599937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450697059224675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953313813094745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23225021506571186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469417840058231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39253090151140735,0.0,0.18664793699794774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24312354895261895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25418119006513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109254440215212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109857993304014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431323818395344
suicidewatch,kamakyu,2018/01/08,"how do i help my friend? my friend’s friend (A) tried to kill herself but didn’t succeed in her attempt. i don’t know A personally so i can’t directly tell her anything, and i hear everything about A through my friend.

every time my friend tells me how terrified they are of losing A i go totally speechless because i don’t know what’s the right thing to say to console her. telling her “hang in there, it’ll be alright” is kind of insensitive and it doesn’t help that try as i might, i have no idea how my friend is feeling in their situation.

what if A had already planned to off themselves already? is my friend wanting A to stay alive being selfish? what if A truly sees nothing else in this world to live for, and feels that death is the only way they’ll find peace? i’ve been thinking over this for the past week and i’ve yet to arrive at an answer. how do i handle this?

one should never condone death, but what if death is truly the only way that one can find true peace and closure?",3.434203612479476,4.605474719211827,4.161891625615766,89.328223316913,72.74384236453201,6.79264367816092,27.3264367816092,7.03164865440522,1.1538817077175691,780,28,167,7,15,249,115,203,0.151,0.606,0.243,0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,4,8,14,1,0,12,1,23,0,0,4,3,29,32,16,4,5,5,0,2,0,7,4,0,2,0,1,13,5,0,0,9,0,0,2,7,3,0,2,3,5,24,11,21,23,1,19,0,1,1,0,23,9,0,4,5,113,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495082849320929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303100692812752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891459324992846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443926556172158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525000189247697,0.0,0.1016025849991962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432355497192492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665239099863625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6113982633817209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424925823722732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274162365280474,0.0,0.1515508612869626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276203608848635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507373323001528,0.1177247977174209,0.12425930067064625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982574632979484,0.0,0.0,0.1264746982810329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992881577154013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719158800413075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847509463515713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532120175233258,0.1719601430946451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791958461153403,0.0,0.0987114187538134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654459020175088,0.0,0.08990237044818368,0.0,0.0,0.09008668729023596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707360511113688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049689212227944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29643360810293484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751057917895379,0.07243825632025387,0.0,0.0,0.0659207109160587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535078659719259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666801698118622,0.17946860004978862,0.09068236798592116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rebeccaxhealy,2018/01/08,"Too anxious to live, too anxious to die I am officially fed up with life and I am ready to give it up, but I have no idea what will happen with me after I die and that scares the hell out of me. What if what happens after I die will be worse than what happened while I was still alive? What if the suffering won't end? What if everything will just go... blank? Forever? I mean, what if I'm going to ”live” surrounded by nothingness for eternity? Or what if I get punished for killing myself and end up in Hell and I suffer even more? What if I reincarnate myself and my new life will be even worse? I can't get rid of these thoughts. I don't even know what the purpose of this post is. Maybe to get reassurance that everything will be alright after I end everything? Or maybe to ask you what you think happens after you die? Yes, this is good. So what do you think happens after death? More specifically, after suicide?",1.9835567632850228,4.1531222228260845,3.274927536231885,89.78987922705316,79.48913043478261,6.697584541062803,23.265700483091784,7.793537801064563,1.1043185990338171,715,24,151,12,18,232,92,184,0.333,0.5920000000000001,0.076,-0.997,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,4,0,0,8,10,4,1,3,2,18,3,0,0,0,24,37,16,7,6,10,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,18,8,1,0,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,0,22,3,26,25,2,22,2,2,0,0,7,6,2,8,13,114,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731909426296804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819345872859872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43603859950173096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790892529330922,0.0,0.0,0.20812369502747566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831958033014407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462921017136084,0.1007590530157531,0.11938751557129668,0.08809829606443252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644101038287682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857162432988165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620556161461346,0.0,0.05772443760720147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483785211542162,0.0,0.0,0.18549549319869332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110433620762525,0.11441380500818105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144336702695343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059440591400752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515826470264927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388101185731546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114891139646676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346042536780749,0.0,0.08338598309628928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140790858234807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,everythingsucks942,2018/01/08,"Completely at a loss as to what I'm doing with my life. Sorry for the wordy post. I don't know necessarily that I am suicidal, but I am definitely having a lot of suicidal thoughts. Lately I'm absolutely lost. I'm a 30 year old single guy. I don't know if this is an early mid-life crisis or what, but I haven't been this shut down, depressed, and isolated since I was 15. About three years ago I split up with the mother of my children and started living on my own. I tried to remain positive, so I enrolled in a local community college. I just recently finished and I'm now having extensive difficulty finding work in my field. I feel quite disappointed with the software development major that I chose. It's just not fitting for the state that I live in, and relocation is not possible.

I've had a lot of issues with anxiety and depression throughout my life. I'm positive that I have high functioning autism, though I've never sought a diagnosis. I have a few immediate family members (my son being one of them) that have been diagnosed, and I've shown clear signs throughout my life. I also have some sexual problems which I won't go into, but they do impact my ability to find romantic relationships. I feel like my mental problems keep me from ever making meaningful connections with people in my life. I feel like a very compassionate and reasonably intelligent person who is always written off as cold, uncaring, and ignorant due to my poor communications skills and extreme introversion.

Up until recently I was working two part time jobs. One of them laid me off however, and the idea of picking up hours at the other one is about as appealing as stabbing myself in the eyes with a fork. I'm currently not making enough money and I have to do something otherwise I soon won't be able to pay my bills, but the lack of motivation I'm feeling lately is proving difficult to overcome. Work is something that has worn heavily on me for the entirety of my adult life. Almost every job I've had gives me this unbearable sense of anxiety that is hard to cope with. I can usually grit my teeth and bare it, but lately it's just getting harder and harder to force myself to do anything. I have a sense that I would like to start some kind of business and work from home, or maybe even pursue some kind of meaningful work that involves helping children (one of the few causes on this shit hole planet I still care about). I feel completely lost and deflated every time I try to start looking into my options though. I feel like I'll never be able to express myself well enough to do anything other than stock groceries at a store or tape boxes at a factory.

All of my friends are more like distant acquaintances whom I maybe see once every couple of months. To make matters worse, my ex (the mother of my kids who I would greatly prefer to cooperate peacefully with on co-parenting) frequently succumbs to fits of rage and irrational behavior. Occasionally these episodes get directed at me, leading me to feel intensely anxious for days or weeks and interfering with my relationship with my kids. I suspect she may be bi-polar, but I have been repeatedly unsuccessful in getting her to accept that there is a problem. I'm also quite distant with my parents and other family members. Other than my kids, I just feel incredibly alone. My kids are the only human beings that I currently feel a meaningful connection to. They're only seven and eight and they really deserve better parents than the ones they got, but I can say that I do my best to put down my problems when I am in their presence. Currently I feel like I'm only existing so they don't have to go through the pain of losing their father.

Looking back on the past few years I can see that I've slowly been sinking deeper into a horrible depression. To make matters worse, I've been using alcohol way too frequently to self medicate (though I am strict about never drinking when my kids are around). I'm now starting to worry that the depression is getting bad enough that I may not be able to dig myself out of it alone. I mean, I've managed to get through a lot of depression in the past, but it's rare that it gets so bad that I am unable to motivate myself to take baby steps to get back on track. I've spent the majority of the past week sitting at home staring at my computer screen, thinking that I need to do SOMETHING to fix things, but I just can't seem find any concrete steps that are worth taking. I've not hardly felt like eating and I've mainly sustained myself on coffee and whiskey this past week. I feel very weak at the moment.

This is most isolated and depressed I've felt in a long time. I think I was around 14 or 15 last time I shut down this badly, and I feel that I was lucky to have a couple people in my life that could recognize the problem and help pull me out of it. Now I don't have any such people in my life. I need to pull myself out of this for the sake of my kids. I thought I might try posting here and seeing if anyone has some helpful advice. Thanks.",6.3374164293999815,6.556686807339452,7.112597455095083,74.19410550458718,65.73802242609582,10.312917853000108,33.01980737460016,10.125756701596842,3.301324637069845,4022,158,737,87,58,1339,409,981,0.166,0.721,0.113,-0.9961,10,2,6,0,0,0,85.0,0,0,8,17,35,44,2,0,41,0,74,18,3,11,7,151,143,57,2,14,26,7,16,7,1,7,12,1,2,13,48,45,4,2,36,2,7,8,16,25,1,9,21,26,110,19,131,108,24,116,0,11,8,0,44,48,1,22,62,514,158,15,0.1368694577328132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458241667630989,0.040442172016539,0.04875727521877325,0.04568499705573501,0.09450365369498133,0.0,0.07296963726623842,0.03796211773911859,0.0,0.0,0.06205061647467114,0.0,0.06980317369161469,0.05154117629861055,0.0,0.03190076907339532,0.0,0.07508793445367405,0.08122855692822804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016277636607023,0.1142802801658302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787868390536304,0.040349970928722695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651584467659505,0.04686754517297146,0.0,0.0,0.09567001492163264,0.0,0.0,0.036426374943504314,0.10096230112177708,0.0,0.029423159103312287,0.0,0.2357709267769819,0.0463065395064513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469332061046382,0.0,0.04668387491941663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142273735027122,0.0,0.030133661995308,0.04126875348122182,0.11531842127120245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601889578713348,0.0,0.27682124118708645,0.13037275726951006,0.08761076228046609,0.0,0.1250962047684966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035248334508333944,0.0,0.16685349936932345,0.04376588517914587,0.05185737799163263,0.0,0.03648900287061502,0.050299686780686303,0.0,0.04517409391365868,0.0,0.0,0.08173876681821407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174071243395876,0.048203365583132034,0.09152748383964628,0.0,0.04492961520469787,0.0,0.0,0.05150298599089738,0.0,0.047618718023854735,0.0905478783306868,0.04055195426821145,0.0,0.09501898545940696,0.05014658301626887,0.037188958591806834,0.1543947099365654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255748733173447,0.15602417484476627,0.0,0.08057215916185502,0.04037505435429421,0.07662391536118843,0.05104063778386938,0.09960612086594313,0.11636151846631144,0.0,0.0,0.12181523446054668,0.0,0.09166917786539837,0.04969698804249733,0.0,0.04596052642285058,0.04597740711821855,0.04839895511782035,0.0,0.0,0.036415965117178886,0.0,0.0,0.06765797909485285,0.10556216353796856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047873823989869266,0.048587168516525586,0.15457714461526953,0.10409539017978096,0.048546251013998315,0.0,0.10131822360267084,0.04940542829778277,0.1742098460105682,0.09488804852002547,0.0398363770637342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051433249526609284,0.08738873753028473,0.0,0.0,0.2182759773771288,0.0,0.045863869539789034,0.0,0.0970516772622737,0.0,0.0,0.029227359788801963,0.04690819937510906,0.09009471830449337,0.09796438376026148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628136210897084,0.0,0.0,0.10906723726462224,0.04153360462087431,0.04759489817829902,0.0,0.04683151049859157,0.0377399432688444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536879539941978,0.0,0.051071384088111786,0.12916920886202404,0.0,0.03643470858230359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980864796519053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860586573392848,0.0,0.0,0.04200366922959682,0.0,0.0,0.030309995329519657,0.05846694797913805,0.13447354729829528,0.07243937398204453,0.1064129086387013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092925377453415,0.0,0.044567190764969705,0.0,0.0,0.03940375546550263,0.05024745697378491,0.07528775783918026,0.0,0.036213534933149216,0.10978842315484086,0.0,0.04102069328762424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607099222810354,0.046332526043084486,0.0929877803430936,0.06481875719786953,0.0,0.0,0.08813944333849005
suicidewatch,dissociated101,2018/01/08,"I just had a nervous breakdown, started cutting myself and now I want to die I had a mental breakdown in front of my mom and then I started cutting myself in front of her. I moved a lot as a kid and had no real place to call home. Now that I'm back in my ""home country"" people expect me to assimilate and integrate back into the culture, but I can't do it. I'm so different here compared to everyone else. I don't want to be here and I don't want to be anywhere else either. I have no home, no sense of identity, no jobs. I just want to jump off the roof and die. I fantasize about slitting my wrist opened or jumping off the roof. ",1.3413184079601983,3.0066570373134307,3.5590298507462705,89.4351616915423,79.37313432835822,6.257711442786071,25.345771144278608,7.1686216300943375,1.0863950248756216,489,19,107,6,12,168,71,134,0.17,0.787,0.043,-0.9464,2,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,2,1,7,0,10,1,1,0,0,20,18,11,2,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,3,0,18,0,18,13,2,20,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,7,79,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520424115180893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734989725376495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34018365289281244,0.17123004833801947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27381793916801683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660380910160787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931847542655786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263542290032018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933332003634175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516245743987826,0.0,0.0,0.19194585331352645,0.0,0.1741890116778466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362061106045422,0.0,0.17123004833801947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654256995127144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320042092234821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866660032277506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeaway371737,2018/01/08,"I moved 1000 miles away from home with my girlfriend and now she's leaving me. I moved to another state with my girlfriend. We were madly in love. Everything was going great. My life felt perfect.

She has cancer. She had it before we got together. I thought I knew what I was getting into. I took her to doctor appointments, treatments, scans -- I moved away with her because I wanted her to be happy and she so badly wanted to move to this state. Everything was going so well. We loved where we live, we had a lot of fun together...

Now she has to get 3 tiny tumors removed -- she was very upset and hates this operation (she's done it twice before) -- but she accepted it. The operation is next week...she's flying back to our home state to get it done.

But once we got back home after she got the bad news, she decided she wants a break -- she wanted to focus on herself and healing. She said she's gotten a lot of bad news in the last year and just wants to focus on herself. We travelled to so many different places and moved 1000 miles away together -- she did have a lot of bad news in the last year but she also had so many good times! With me!

I couldn't understand the break. She would barely talk to me. I couldn't deal with it and I kept fighting about it. Now she says she thinks we should break up because she doesn't know when she would even want the break to end.

We have a lease together in an expensive apartment complex. I just recently started a decent job but I'm in so much debt and have such bad credit that I can't move out. But if I stay in that apartment with her I will go insane. But if I lose her completely or leave her I will go insane.

I don't know what to do. I can't kill myself because then my parents will get stuck with the student loans they took out for me. My life insurance won't pay out for suicide. This is so fucked up and so painful I don't know what to do. I cried to her half the day yesterday and this morning. I can't understand it. We built a brand new life together and she couldn't even last 4 months living in our new apartment with me.

I love her so much. I never want to lose her. I'm not eating. I can't sleep and when I do it feels so good because I'm not aware of reality. I want to die. I can't kill myself. I wish something would happen to me. I can't deal with this. I don't want to lose her I love her so much and I have no one to talk to. She has a bunch of friends here and I don't. I work in an office and don't talk to other people much. I have nothing here without her.

I'm lost. I always thought we were madly in love and we'd be together until the end. I'm so hurt. I want to die. I have no one to talk to. ",0.1904761904761898,2.284512174603176,2.113298059964727,95.94126984126986,85.98412698412699,5.222574955908289,18.70017636684303,6.580844003640285,-0.08388606701940038,2061,55,478,23,63,682,210,567,0.177,0.705,0.118,-0.9928,4,0,1,0,2,5,70.0,14,0,1,6,29,34,7,1,19,0,52,15,1,0,2,95,106,41,5,20,14,1,2,0,3,8,7,2,3,0,19,40,1,1,14,1,5,14,22,19,1,4,26,5,104,15,67,66,8,76,0,5,1,6,70,27,1,6,27,331,123,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045427542300739414,0.04726693934704162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956578782447336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011263220142682,0.08736023942883664,0.2371521661094873,0.13851304566299127,0.0,0.09667502829862094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059559754064663115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239845523102571,0.03663501299616663,0.1171284795649637,0.0,0.0,0.11791081186492865,0.059349924205700816,0.0,0.0581430980131492,0.0,0.11626402121290873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812646964179024,0.0,0.0,0.10062607739688324,0.0,0.0,0.07503933176882595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210670071310496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028722696898088,0.0,0.05454243379303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043887985932165696,0.05251600577826622,0.11871465110455245,0.0,0.12913608018771305,0.09529194548138024,0.13629825638590146,0.06262854618850598,0.0,0.0,0.050233142151451665,0.06047078322914343,0.0,0.056083923210468914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094241384133352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081173634912378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637094724894093,0.0,0.1256943043928354,0.0,0.09365687318263932,0.13891281794802648,0.0,0.1202981863410107,0.0,0.0,0.1203707555657008,0.0,0.0,0.1003210460052698,0.0,0.0,0.19065333079759492,0.06201019271263058,0.14488266627994786,0.2563470617682422,0.0,0.0,0.11518424050445465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534181223203915,0.36225317019608705,0.16703506634027535,0.0,0.04381210075072678,0.10972670564604478,0.06041356562196759,0.0,0.0,0.054506654642819126,0.0,0.0,0.060496275868945425,0.07698610039808035,0.0,0.06044532915613345,0.0,0.0630760691841297,0.0,0.0,0.03938195848272786,0.0,0.059349924205700816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056088830644965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403528204692479,0.04517421693957888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056846780125894524,0.0,0.0,0.043731846007131724,0.0,0.0,0.04020740625394044,0.06054737731764511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213627677598611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263325863453966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0363988345293078,0.0,0.09019484950436966,0.033123892961750764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622656944948174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827359006860415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04687069762301827,0.3350550649145734,0.0,0.04556615074295282,0.0,0.05107519646096409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532381559224641,0.054758721365595266,0.0,0.04135526669451315,0.0,0.0,0.12105953701307333,0.0,0.0,0.07316208842707116
suicidewatch,ichimatz,2018/01/08,"Don’t know what to do anymore i am a 22 year old trans guy. I’m only a few months into my transition. i am diagnosed with major depression and general anxiety, which i take medication for (and it does help, though it can only do so much for me). i am short and overweight (5’3” and around 235 pounds). I have diabetes (or really a severe case of insulin resistance that is so bad it can be called diabetes)... and i don’t take care of myself as well as i should. I have PCOS (my ovaries get covered in cysts and threaten to hurt me and mess up a lot of things including making me deal with diabetes among other things). I have asthma. I’m allergic to a few things, but tobacco smoke is the worst, since it gets worse everytime i breathe it in. Even someone having it on their clothing can set me off. It makes my throat close up, and i often get respiratory infections over nothing now. i don’t smoke, but enough people in the world do that it doesn’t matter. I have a spine injury that causes my neck to curve 90(+?) degrees forward, making me look like i have a hunched back and a lot of neck fat due to the neck-shortness the curvature makes me look like i have. it has started to crush my throat, and i need surgery to help it. Whether or not i get surgery i will be disabled more than i already am, and i will lose mobility in my neck. My shoulders and neck muscles are always sore and tense, since they are constantly trying to hold my head up. I am always in severe pain. The rest of my family is attractive, fit and enjoyable, while I’m ugly, fat and undesirable.

I was engaged to my fiancé; we were together since we were 15. We had been together for almost 7 years. I love him so much, but we broke up a couple months ago. He doesn’t think we should be together. Our relationship was unhealthy every so often, and it was usually my fault, so i get it. I just don’t know if i can move on from him. He was the one i wanted to live my life with.

I grew up with my mom for the first 8 or so years of my life, since my biological father was a drug addict that abused my mom, almost shot me when i was an infant and strangled a puppy to death we had gotten one year when i was small. He was out of my life by the time i was 4 and it was just me, my mom and my baby brother. Eventually she found my stepdad and married him. 

I want to like my stepdad, as he’s my only father figure, but i can’t. He always insults me, and harasses me every single day. He makes me feel useless and tired, and a few years back he grabbed my brother by the throat and threw my mom and i won’t forgive him for those things. He’s traumatized my brother and I and instead of trying to fix things he continues to be verbally abusive. He hasn’t been seriously physically abusive to us in a while but that doesn’t mean much to me. He calls me names, makes fun of me, disrespects me and treats me like a useless piece of shit. He has never hit me or anything, for some reason, but it’s possibly because he knows that i will attack him out of fear if he tries anything. I once told him not to touch me and instead he grabbed my arm, which sent me into a rage of punching him and screaming until he let go. I was unable to control this, but it was the only time i’ve ever done something like that to anyone. He called me crazy for a couple weeks after that. I didn’t know what to say.

My mom had me when she was about 19. She doesn’t admit it but my bio. father forced her to get pregnant and have me. I am a product of rape, and I don’t know why i was kept. I love my mom; she is amazing, and she’s been through so much... but i feel like I was a mistake. I always think about how i feel like a mistake. 

A couple years ago i tried to commit suicide. I tried various ways but only one got me sent to the hospital, via overdose. I ended up getting sick and puking and getting the shits violently at the same time. I was almost sure i was dying, and maybe I would have. But my brother heard me and made me tell my mom. They called an ambulance on me and i was brought to the hospital and put on suicide watch before being admitted to the ward for a week and being diagnosed with major depression and general anxiety. 

Things were ok for a while. But ... now they aren’t. Slowly things have been getting worse.

My health is draining... my self image is awful... my lover is now my ex... and i have slowly lost all inspiration/motivation/drive to live. I just listen to my family bicker and insult me for all the problems i already know i have.

The only reason i am still alive is because I’m afraid of hurting the ones that care about me, because for some reason people do.

I don’t want to suffer anymore. I don’t feel anything but hurt. 

I need help...",2.7977444903581272,4.095941560950415,4.364261157024797,86.76117961432506,74.50619834710744,7.31142699724518,25.20005509641873,7.885911873513602,1.2887487988980717,3653,119,778,52,75,1224,367,968,0.21,0.7,0.09,-0.9993,1,0,5,0,2,3,130.0,8,0,4,4,32,54,9,2,42,2,97,42,16,13,6,149,160,82,4,13,25,15,7,7,1,7,24,4,0,3,39,60,3,3,21,0,0,9,19,32,1,5,42,14,152,22,96,103,23,81,0,11,3,4,85,31,2,15,48,549,191,1,0.0,0.16400252313906974,0.0,0.050298630824793515,0.0,0.0,0.0817993841452593,0.0,0.1386054867048997,0.0,0.10183169616220657,0.0,0.15356632431313566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059285313636934,0.0,0.09151554501287257,0.03226166071022002,0.0,0.11390610015712578,0.04107374555093081,0.0,0.052490097321056674,0.0,0.0709565239759996,0.038524375552371724,0.08437823925821214,0.0,0.039261133029170815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845347376809388,0.0,0.09408415171138568,0.047397755120340265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986017556633552,0.0517491311841696,0.0,0.15315672307867467,0.0,0.029756021675525424,0.04756757663933523,0.07947939674550239,0.09366080565546232,0.047885293148370665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040376799038429466,0.04721650754780757,0.0,0.0,0.05350692209175726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040865711450110094,0.04767421498635155,0.0,0.030474562447456614,0.041735624607723086,0.0777486747969444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699202279943366,0.0519195228626093,0.0933176348613261,0.06592382853228086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924605206389327,0.0,0.050589344268929665,0.0,0.0,0.2169528477207866,0.0,0.02622201882090265,0.0,0.036901800942717285,0.0,0.0,0.04568514594055696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047352217368610984,0.04904390215127651,0.0,0.0,0.09277857004164154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481791758982212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521416656124107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471805447200829,0.09776862402333934,0.15778926770865306,0.0,0.08148366754384798,0.0,0.0774907574793516,0.05161805769722686,0.05036647970218047,0.07845193992761601,0.08328501182441209,0.04365810686039289,0.18478998520977244,0.0,0.04635311310323099,0.050259207320617234,0.0,0.046480475317245744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782644088544678,0.07365587383442916,0.04903875783853035,0.13567073267079602,0.06842339007173602,0.03558546081928078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044271888130128834,0.0,0.04841541791385935,0.04913683246770694,0.12506069384493776,0.21054603114749465,0.049095452067735766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397434117789512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052015111034906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044149064288267884,0.0,0.046382724960209995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02955800729419523,0.14231660772365698,0.0,0.04953632470878483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036691811152616494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813333663000381,0.1042485175530239,0.09472262557536272,0.15266757264204364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909366626674432,0.03552027558541098,0.0,0.0,0.03265762324512065,0.0,0.03684689242612396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093777768148496,0.0,0.04348572986946474,0.0,0.06938200009995357,0.0,0.04032776856931532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457023441650466,0.05912838132915507,0.04533161303474054,0.0,0.08071256399314831,0.053030320492019487,0.0,0.04408806386322637,0.0,0.15662772851827686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549987861045391,0.0,0.050815903676490616,0.0,0.08164243677327898,0.03662321665170477,0.07402030234406833,0.0,0.041484758122869884,0.0,0.04163352800759181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403974596108558,0.03277602410720231,0.0,0.0,0.17827311997599946
suicidewatch,veeeedeeee,2018/01/08,"Assisted Suicide? I live in CT, and I was googling assisted suicide and saw that it’s legal in VT. So my question is, would I be able to receive assisted suicide if I travel there from out of state? Or do I have to be a resident of the state? ",2.215,3.4380786862745154,4.653088235294117,84.41139705882355,75.86274509803924,8.237254901960785,32.357843137254896,8.841846274778883,2.7528784313725487,187,10,40,4,4,66,37,51,0.253,0.72,0.027000000000000003,-0.9386,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,8,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,8,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,3,0,31,8,1,0.2643727956888413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344602212739485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29615803572813537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8675427871275677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780284883128487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worthlessperson1,2018/01/08,"Ive fucked up! The  last few months of 2017 was terrible for me, i tried  breaking up with my boyfriend but instead went on a break i cant put up with his shit anymore his drinking got out of control and he gets violent when hes pissed not physical but mentally, he's fucked with my head, my depression came back so bad i tried telling him i was lonely and shit but he just laughed at me. Work was getting to me there was so much pressure i couldn't take it, so i quit and now have no money for rent which is my own fault i let my feeling get on top of me
i have been afraid  to live lately all ive been thinking about is killing myself but this weekend was my sisters birthday partty5and i saw a little bit of light that told me to hold on, but now its too late as ive already fucked up.",1.868035714285714,3.32804211309524,2.926904761904762,95.45142857142858,77.27380952380952,5.990476190476191,25.690476190476193,6.5431188927421005,0.6800904761904762,617,23,144,5,14,197,108,168,0.328,0.634,0.038,-0.9968,1,2,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,4,12,16,8,2,3,0,18,8,4,1,1,21,32,13,1,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,8,1,2,2,2,2,3,4,15,0,0,12,3,28,1,23,18,5,25,0,2,1,3,10,11,6,0,9,98,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397537507896992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736370289991804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425836033145315,0.12406842209170113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222438275632975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699500856143104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665897781803493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798239039085071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455639527169285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513276688180785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41211375453724935,0.23290014092010364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884289231582675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524986403343564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439544141390408,0.0,0.0,0.12112261376215973,0.3352373307685161,0.0,0.0,0.15194576558132564,0.0,0.0,0.14892859117517365,0.13120978488887655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974615947950892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860501193588388,0.0,0.10923248907440364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493763731563544,0.0,0.15804627589918527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050558645796079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172296955553816,0.0,0.12987628069590396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952119906832992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198637714847767,0.0,0.20176893049599187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774661550576262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817701495505053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icestrok,2018/01/08,"i dont want to die, but i dont want to die, i love life, more importantly, i love the idea of life, but I feel that life doesnt want me, this world doesnt want me, nobody wants me. Yes I have parents, but I havent lived with them for over 10 years, I think I might miss them. Yes there is a girl I love, more than anything else, she is here right now, few meters away, she doesnt know that Im typing this out. Its been a struggle for me, and now she is leaving too, in a week she will be gone. I cant manage myself. She brought all the joy into my life, the prospect of facing life without her is too scary. I dont want to die, not one bit, but death could be a better option than this life.
I just dont know anymore. I just want the pain to end somehow.",3.0242514970059844,2.5316637904191595,4.065514970059883,95.65935029940121,72.77245508982037,6.919520958083832,22.688023952095808,4.935628992294339,-0.12737077844311395,571,10,150,1,10,186,89,167,0.138,0.601,0.26,0.9855,1,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,2,1,9,8,0,1,8,2,20,11,1,0,1,29,37,5,4,8,8,1,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,11,3,0,1,3,1,28,5,17,29,5,15,0,1,0,3,13,8,0,3,5,99,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195218510800062,0.0,0.0,0.08459747325998929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658607603076076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092021538533453,0.11223340601747103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207921292981225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200774428209017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48193377626415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587806911756891,0.0,0.09105225954226087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197989468283505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605120081875832,0.11104404579097643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129948305720391,0.0,0.0,0.108852714609784,0.0,0.0,0.43567351766434653,0.0,0.0,0.09077624960372196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783490698017521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905691683175307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696614493571592,0.0,0.1093888173089438,0.0,0.11414970693147318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779253990337985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747120810744068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587151589993298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244479177670304,0.0,0.08246174532721336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909767803662707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620126349396838
suicidewatch,imLoverNotFighter,2018/01/08,"2 weeks In 2 weeks I'm doing it. I have a date, I have a plan. I'm doing it. All I ever wanted was the be happy but ever since I was a little kid my parents didn't allow me to have a happy life. I've never had a real family. I've never had real friends who genuinely cared about me. It's too late to change all that. I'm going to hang myself the same way that Lyle Stevik hung himself as his case has fascinated me for a long time and it should be somewhat painless. I might do an update on the day/day before that I commit.",0.19202797202797228,1.7708162991453025,3.3838228438228453,89.74678321678324,82.58974358974359,5.28018648018648,16.61926961926962,6.11248444174946,-0.3677965811965809,405,7,91,3,11,147,74,117,0.047,0.772,0.181,0.944,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,10,0,16,1,0,1,7,17,22,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,0,13,4,8,13,4,17,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,11,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499198635788311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963163695531906,0.0,0.18637962927172147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272485975852506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187375740235635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660908789979093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611955392194694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012959843696834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751029291334616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987435655955576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244441821973456,0.0,0.17658295489600564,0.0,0.1559175622037257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869037012051844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717683887244193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956318162734591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010726124199683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457414744398798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273448275983213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391806551786817,0.13984689744338524,0.2826488380058074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Profilian,2018/01/08,"I have an existential crisis very commonly I live a happy life. Loving parents, nice siblings and a dog. I live in a decent sized house with food on my table and warm clothes to wear but i dont see the reason for the repetition in my life.

Im 13 hitting 14 soon and i just feel like going to school everyday is like a lifeless repeat of the previous. There are no thrills, and the people there are just total shit. The teachers treat us like ass. I have a couple cool friends and all but there are some who just get under my skin a lot.

Im thinking, even if i suicide would i matter? Aside from my family everyone would just forget about me in 3 months and some would be left in the dark. I see no reason to live and just wish there was really something to do. I do outdoor stuff and its nice but school is just boring.

Im a depressive realist btw, i think very literally and when i actually do something, the result is as i predicted and its really just a thing that causes me all this.",2.6187796312554847,4.338603532338311,4.343564530289728,84.98038630377526,75.86567164179105,7.515481416447178,23.7638279192274,8.313332769828598,1.4115956101843723,774,24,159,14,17,261,115,201,0.146,0.675,0.179,0.5547,1,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,0,15,15,1,0,16,1,17,8,4,4,3,41,27,16,1,5,11,1,3,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,6,20,12,16,21,6,15,0,1,2,2,5,7,2,4,10,112,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.11601073699251635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221235656308335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153959911683152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239205738863204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393276823895018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851979946463307,0.0,0.0,0.11359591919631935,0.0,0.0,0.11207045543330507,0.0,0.06010982100611511,0.08492863195690542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375141398959412,0.0,0.0918471892824587,0.0,0.06211043181301225,0.0,0.06756282925883153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126551067572118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717274794717252,0.0,0.0,0.3852357391459641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291645875009745,0.0,0.16793837517179094,0.17423779979754553,0.0,0.31492238385131033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106840092206083,0.1072947714694459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488970436972384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200331577080282,0.0,0.0,0.08241713804474295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231646454750467,0.2444589979640769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406278992827217,0.18946557949076245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202966946227214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304085059162148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360903379078227,0.1300365522166403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897927425542965,0.15234832830294145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429992422801142,0.0,0.0,0.19617860081508712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670731814002424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533490196536317,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2MillionsDeSucres,2018/01/08,"Why are people constantly getting in our way the moment we ask for help to die? Society is slowly accepting the fact that some people want to leave this aids inducing shithole called life, but still it isn't fast enough.
Keep in mind that I'm not talking about teenagers having some identity crisis or some other gay shit like that. I'm talking about people completely assfucked by the world around them, or in crippling pain, addicted to heavy drugs to ease the burn and left alone to rot. Why can't we have a painless, easy to go suicide available like in Switzerland? I'm gonna have to blow my head off or jump under a train because of this retarded way the people act with us.
It's not that easy to die. The human body is a bitch to kill and a lot of the ""safe"" way to die available on the net are most of the time trolls, or can end up really ugly in a matter of minutes.

So the only option I have to go is to get completely shitfaced with alcohol and heroin and then to add some extreme, die hard action movie Kurt Cobain kind of move like jumping from a building or something. Thanks m8, that's lovely. 
With some luck someone will record it so all the people on WikiLeaks can have a good wank.

This text isn't to talk about me btw. I have my problems and I'll deal with it, I'm not looking for help to change my mind. Also, sorry for the broken engrish. I just wanna know why you guys seems to enjoy projecting your own opinion about life into others people face when they're just asking for a way to pull the trigger. If it's not a 15y/o kid trying to start a drama maybe you should respect his decision?",5.631038011695907,5.6024420030864235,5.883365821962315,83.25435672514621,67.24074074074073,8.549447693307343,29.08966861598441,8.032893268588372,1.7999037037037038,1275,39,255,14,19,407,190,324,0.209,0.644,0.147,-0.986,0,1,3,0,0,1,28.0,4,3,1,0,12,17,3,0,23,0,18,12,4,2,2,54,37,17,6,5,13,0,1,3,0,3,6,0,0,3,15,14,1,2,5,1,0,8,7,5,0,0,0,2,16,12,50,34,10,35,0,0,1,2,22,14,2,17,12,156,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994621932003776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979794959175432,0.0,0.09495424333961901,0.0,0.07331755358100077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161585144192858,0.17141939832956427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588810847301039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183732720018956,0.0,0.0,0.09361692312489613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698672648288516,0.0,0.19225233145998696,0.09907498396620654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451946045764402,0.0,0.0,0.3806031243977509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632127520828794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120247593794915,0.09473135687398873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579945724981652,0.0,0.10420926379555596,0.07689797823990119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077896437674224,0.0,0.0,0.08212849399228307,0.0,0.09409152942748564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290417131342075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081490608731572,0.1014318454225327,0.09547203218530577,0.05038567992033168,0.0,0.0,0.09707732661789527,0.09961207012488876,0.0,0.1295145173141679,0.1343726501794347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698925512788972,0.0,0.0,0.07794421702452102,0.08274601039211092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210625284254066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514408422420892,0.0,0.0,0.09744278056364164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972780856047417,0.09755543519804083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813618837753172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772668340615379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587334293448144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346327037621107,0.0,0.0,0.09410960253870773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776813221085612,0.0705807930703697,0.0,0.10262978081346384,0.06489254124426541,0.0,0.07321685563392953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028453161053144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107002240454712,0.0,0.08440788209219917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053460140567520124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224562795999845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028139233367833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407604380583028,0.2910895969655111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481845123662443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mitchellpb44,2018/01/08,"I am 17, and I've been through an emotional rollercoaster over the span of just over a week. This is something I wrote for myself 20 minutes ago, I do not expect it to make sense but this is just what I wrote out, I need help.

This all took began just a few days before new years eve.

The one person who I'd thought I'd always be able to talk and confide in is now back in the same pit as everyone else, 2018 is fucked hate my life, and just really want to die at this point. God, or whatever is there, please, kill me. Cause you showed your hand, I Ask for a simple little fucking sign to tell me my life will turn around, but I don't get that, instead, I just try and pass time that seems completely meaningless and I just want to fucking die. I lost the love of my life and at the same time my best friend, whether or not she believed she was is a different matter but to me, she was my best friend and now it is just fucking pain. I can't hang out with either of my best friends cause all I get is pain, I can't chat to any of my friends because I all get is pain, I can't fucking live anymore because all I feel, is pain, and regret. Regret because I didn't do everything I could to try and salvage what was so important to me. I'm a fucking failure and I don't see a point as to why I should move on in a world where all I feel is pain. I can't talk to anyone because they all say ""it'll pass."" But I feel like I lost my soul mate and everyone's ""help"" just really does nothing.

My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years told me she was starting to have feelings for my best friend.

She told him so she could be honest with him and herself.

My best friend told me that he had feelings for my girlfriend.

I told my girlfriend this knowing it would come out eventually at any rate.

After 3 days of her deciding she chose me, saying she still loved me.

That night, as we were going to sleep, my girlfriend and we were chatting over the phone when she says, she doesn't love me as much as she used to anymore. The same day.

The next day we had planned to go to a party, we went and we talked about us. She didn't love me as much as she used too but was confused so she wanted a break from us.

After about a day or two she was starting to feel really upset, I chatted with her about it and discovered that she was feeling less upset about us breaking up than she was just feeling pain and sadness for how much she thought she was hurting me with everything. 

Realising this, I got really hurt and upset, but I told her I think that what she feels gives her what she needed to know about us and we broke up. 
We never had a perfectly smooth relationship but I never really expected this. 

This all took place between a few days before new years and two days ago. Today (8/1/2018) I've dug holes in my leg using my nail, had suicidal thoughts, I've looked over my balcony and thought instead of the height, but instead of whether it’d do the job, I felt like I was no longer in control of my body, and just genuinely wanted to die. 

I am 17 years old and I feel like in just over a week I've had enough emotional pain for a lifetime. I know a lot of people have shit a lot worse than me but that doesn't stop this from hurting. I have a loving family, go to a good school and have nothing else really down about my life that isn’t out of my control (weight). I shouldn’t want to kill myself but I can’t really see a better future for myself.

Edit: Looking at other posts is making me realise more that other people need more help than I do, but if someone is willing to spare some time to help me, thank you.
",3.78329477245444,4.208243155080218,4.561330350321949,89.54927043544691,71.32620320855615,7.656924588017026,26.22787296736877,7.523968598718282,1.1040035687002074,2792,82,628,29,49,900,282,748,0.174,0.6579999999999999,0.168,-0.94,3,0,1,0,0,4,77.0,11,3,1,12,33,54,10,4,30,0,64,28,5,10,10,141,141,52,6,18,31,0,14,3,11,6,11,3,0,1,31,40,1,3,21,4,0,11,18,30,0,3,39,21,119,24,91,91,28,85,1,9,4,11,87,32,7,9,42,435,150,3,0.044160091616543516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829051350121106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036744733816146014,0.0,0.0,0.06006075322663211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758988942603459,0.030877762831559817,0.0,0.0,0.0393118440218333,0.04128372448729002,0.0,0.0,0.03395638461334282,0.0,0.10767832788117357,0.0,0.07515397084248789,0.049753301024803916,0.2317164584520893,0.03905601240305224,0.0,0.04905190660594611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907291570945441,0.0,0.038040008725914516,0.04630101587904363,0.0,0.0990585955135208,0.07051647963290222,0.0,0.0,0.19935724073609007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749360935595395,0.04613789674290409,0.0,0.0,0.03864479376324317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378018009286325,0.09934831856555326,0.0,0.045629179376467335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439371995751689,0.07937648577160841,0.0,0.041630204228569584,0.0,0.2232866918361497,0.06309595654892443,0.0424006131790175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470786343458766,0.24495175867955,0.06921547568723281,0.04236238378973699,0.07529159320617704,0.037039389686600976,0.03531885936689228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359894797933082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839831422315443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182287424874648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382207691550023,0.0,0.0977131970236072,0.0,0.07280769439885508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476631471131013,0.06472317045436785,0.04426001307210578,0.038994169947791375,0.0,0.07416670990924387,0.0,0.0964119131295578,0.07508666142512987,0.19928103404509406,0.0,0.058954408125547975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046935188727366316,0.09738824539027174,0.09823244514953372,0.06811797007594424,0.08530018332441218,0.04696475841951057,0.04144125449547932,0.0,0.0847455978206612,0.0,0.04633858762458005,0.0,0.029924020951523782,0.0,0.3289261569857338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123009450566085,0.03855888866542784,0.04613789674290409,0.048474519568337385,0.08349112076133691,0.0,0.042293160791849915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803059831330544,0.0,0.0,0.047411411943231084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053536319293044,0.0,0.04469237031071443,0.0703797511840995,0.040201688870651286,0.0,0.0,0.04532969944681353,0.0,0.0,0.04419198350657985,0.0,0.037416702321783527,0.03399659599329055,0.0,0.0,0.06251348027386737,0.0,0.03526630620888749,0.0369198139494385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830397275559764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648262666051272,0.03859786650768663,0.04065667926509129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02829600360153358,0.0,0.14023272005374054,0.07725031364296844,0.0,0.04185860334850125,0.21098429989379225,0.09812697329294648,0.05996360692617685,0.04803349878927027,0.08627598559417114,0.0,0.2124766117041305,0.11442042163346546,0.0,0.0,0.13023383091979365,0.0,0.07084512359825465,0.05377509479100272,0.0,0.040936847349561815,0.03984761402106866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500290605943102,0.0313700620694668,0.0,0.0,0.11375060462231194
suicidewatch,ModoUnreal,2018/01/08,"Too tired to go on. So here it is...
I've been going through relapses, some larger than others, for the past 4 months, after going through a prior 5 months of feeling like absolute shit. I'm only in college, so let alone the real world, and I'm already feeling too broken to continue.

I don't know how to go on anymore and I just feel empty.
",2.1667619047619056,3.838581485714286,4.300000000000002,85.01333333333334,77.0,6.3809523809523805,25.952380952380953,7.1686216300943375,1.3286666666666664,264,10,52,3,6,91,53,70,0.19,0.7340000000000001,0.076,-0.8473,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,3,0,4,2,1,1,0,10,14,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,12,12,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,7,33,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284808419600381,0.2434437349691149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878144944360012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334634417749539,0.15760066507974188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015009228578594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123905331698848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255841443756121,0.0,0.10777673951017236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521705265540338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778047876116553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059298100099275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109743822183034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644844999356464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535536532087687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shyguy53,2018/01/08,I had a dream about a girl I have a crush on It was painful waking up and realizing how alone and sad I am. She's an online personality so I will never meet her and I don't really know her but it still hurts.,-0.4955319148936184,1.3183334893617058,2.8887659574468114,91.09400000000002,86.44680851063829,6.313191489361702,15.782978723404256,7.554174236665415,-0.09289446808510647,162,3,41,3,5,59,37,47,0.252,0.713,0.035,-0.8151,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,1,1,8,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,3,4,0,4,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207798368327185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43492730242904704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327889128401554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313345415494583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323067475558399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547448926151921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260271073173044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244528678603569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matchagreentit,2018/01/08,"i don’t want to go out of my house i have to go back to my old school soon to receive my exam results, and im not at all worried about my results because im aware that it’s something i cannot change but i just don’t want to leave my house and go to school. There are people there who i really don’t want to see and they were one of the main factors that i couldnt stand being alive for the past two years. I also don’t want to have to travel for two hours to go there. i dont want to be in public, i don’t want people to see me. 

i know it’s such a simple task and i hate that i’m already panicking 4 days prior to the event but i just feel like if i see them, i might really really want to die. 

i want to tell someone i know about everything that has happened but i can’t bring myself to actually do it. i genuinely hate that im acting like this when others are going through even much worse circumstances",1.4374504950495035,2.522452089108913,3.470383663366338,92.66814975247526,77.61386138613861,6.6341584158415845,20.54579207920792,7.1686216300943375,0.2613950495049502,710,16,171,8,16,242,103,202,0.142,0.76,0.098,-0.9564,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,13,4,2,0,4,0,19,0,0,2,1,28,43,10,1,10,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,3,1,0,9,10,2,0,3,1,4,27,2,26,38,3,23,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,2,12,113,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.1012944379052184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145465723523387,0.08300932339650319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981627443915468,0.0,0.06327589838536515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980729921507187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694281678946111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077286621543776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165356102506092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855933474255532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328930986770699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052484715546548905,0.07415518821062965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949614402286342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179055108170568,0.0,0.0,0.20496325723730333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222270791889526,0.2395439725569431,0.0,0.0,0.3363674662312423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409221925111647,0.0,0.0,0.10990987568604632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142348573289314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011606108906448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763054038264062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892129621811916,0.0,0.0703379908016276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908944314457424,0.143924569198066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949201763598265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010355105087508,0.2481469802852121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794993386752163,0.0799107934103005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072632263485517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279625826204845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897943904603881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541457466903943,0.10578170619458753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684420013745122
suicidewatch,Cynery91,2018/01/08,"I can't walk further, you have to leave me here. Hello SuicideWatch,

Here I am again.
I feel so dead and empty since years. Years that went by like there is no future, but only day after day.
I just try to live this life one more day every day. Can you relate to the feeling when the sun rises, and you know you 're still here. Every evening I hope I'll be somewhere else and someone else... i fucked up my school when I was younger and now I'm working for minimum wage as a slave. I mean I feel like I am a slave... i really hate my job. But i want to do something and don't want my family to think I am a failure.

I don't live for my own. I live to pretend for others I am a normal happy person, but right now I'm crying. I am a man. What is wrong with me... I have a breakdown... I WANT TO BREAK OUT BUT I CAN'T DO IT ALONE ... PLS is someone out there... someone help me... please... oh god why...",-1.505148723853388,0.4719608186528532,1.0153943580886595,100.51434465553636,96.25388601036268,3.68827480330071,14.920168873536749,5.3279370663704135,-1.049415121857609,670,15,164,4,27,226,108,193,0.162,0.679,0.159,-0.5639,2,1,1,0,0,1,44.0,0,4,0,1,14,7,2,0,8,0,19,2,0,0,0,24,34,13,1,5,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,6,1,1,3,5,3,0,1,2,3,31,4,17,31,2,23,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,16,107,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514568835468882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333438232911075,0.3366145485482187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180111109263636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618575756123797,0.0,0.21988267914626716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301199401436215,0.0,0.1979351894275749,0.0932202900892835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206335833595614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890636123948713,0.0,0.12882938307050934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746301507772877,0.0,0.0,0.12960352190995886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948870088720327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171251285418931,0.0,0.0,0.13816741272408578,0.0,0.0,0.0921671743080772,0.12749919446002206,0.0,0.3456685372387049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213913209822734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278500366743907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842170136768916,0.0992416173721158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393664454946255,0.0,0.1432360811455545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835936284579346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114356048759097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206030791884396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794060149244243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316848846169512,0.1004556460947018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042074793690098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083611115779093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859244138922975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308947101236486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096321203428748,0.11774466516026352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499644800126968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266758782194472,0.0,0.1680593328116217
suicidewatch,AXISG,2018/01/08,"The emptiness inside me makes me feel like i want to die. I have been depressed for quite some time now but i was never able to get it out of my chest. for the people who are wondering why I am posting this, I am not too sure myself but I would like to express myself and my emotions and my ""story"". My life became sad real quick and now I'm suffering. It hurts to know that everyday will be worse. I had a girlfriend that i deeply loved with all of my heart, she was my everything and meant the whole world. We broke up mostly because she thought that i was cheating on her with another girl by accidentally touching her leg, that girl was a friend that mattered a lot to me but I would never do that on purpose because that wrong especially if you have a gf. After we broke up I felt so sad and lonely that i had thought of my best friend betraying me and going after her. The girl that i accidentally touched later said that you were never my friend in the first place and that sentence hit me really hard and her excuse to say that was because she thought I was weird. At that point my life felt completely empty and I felt like i had nobody. A week later of pure depression and suffering i decided to grab a knife and viciously cut my hand multiple times as a sign of me needing to teach myself a lesson. As of me writing this now i have no solution to my depression.",6.217500000000001,5.620608068840582,6.763536231884058,79.34378260869569,66.1376811594203,9.968695652173913,31.80579710144927,9.3871,2.5956466666666658,1081,37,220,18,15,355,143,276,0.262,0.61,0.128,-0.9932,0,2,0,0,1,1,17.0,2,2,0,4,6,25,3,0,13,0,22,7,4,1,6,51,41,18,1,5,5,0,9,3,5,3,2,2,0,3,18,16,0,0,12,0,0,1,5,16,0,1,19,11,50,9,31,17,6,28,0,11,0,1,26,10,0,5,19,167,68,1,0.11698539159778365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266938323447345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213939626696583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276895105676852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265695735005992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022780390883926,0.0,0.12141236686711035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159281974427098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513892670649234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059151329009561875,0.08357438713224315,0.33697296507930713,0.0,0.0,0.09950771433105976,0.0,0.0,0.2711478700609101,0.0,0.0611200387158646,0.0,0.06648549397442778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479593259895233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862825230607326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523528125484634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429211178984487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526048350913009,0.17145945952290054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945679649924326,0.10558388333163213,0.0,0.07808865729797383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674318555324202,0.2706790377625187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110294069940945,0.0,0.12222483514832005,0.0,0.11058900808013472,0.0,0.1120396674016197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124428363980727,0.0,0.13315498699988176,0.07494383743969339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112798967946108,0.09303147884836084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025734711566984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786200006007812,0.13643024522453234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900101495135487,0.0,0.09383862468970017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556112000333123,0.1306100119297403,0.0,0.0,0.12686566692509527,0.0,0.0,0.11921810837975075,0.16620613143241464,0.12790516103773852,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDreamOfLightning,2018/01/08,"What I would say to SuicideWatch I am not sure I will be able to post this because I am terrified of the prospect of being ignored, but here it goes.

I want to die.  There is a gnawing at my heart and soul I cannot be rid of.  Every day is pure agony and I barely have the strength to do what little I do.  I am ashamed of myself.  I feel so fucking sick and worthless and pathetic.  Some say what I do is enough, but they still wonder when I am going to move on from this and propelling my life forward.  I can't.  I am a disappointment.  They wait on someone greater than I am; someone who can never be.

I feel so guilty for feeling this way.  Even writing to strangers on the internet in a forum dedicated to this specific kind of misery makes me feel like I am imposing an undue burden on the world.  I am a waste of fucking life.  Let me go...

A few nights ago, I awoke from a restless sleep and was immediately struck with this twisted sick in the pit of my stomach - much like I am every time I wake up.  Only this time, it was so much worse.  I hoped I would wear myself out crying and fall back to sleep, but I couldn't.  I got up, dragged myself to the bathroom, and sat in the tub with a blade against my arm.  I was never so close to ending it...  never so sure I could just fucking do it and that I should.  It was the only worthy way to not face the next day.  All I had to do was go to work, but it was already too much.  I couldn't face my obligations.  I couldn't wear the cracked smile.  I couldn't drive myself anywhere or even imagine leaving the house.  I am too dead inside and too afraid.  So what do I do?  No one can or should accept me this way.

There was so much peace and freedom in imagining myself dead.  I could just take my own life and the world wouldn't drain it from me anymore.  I can't handle the struggle.  The uncontrolled is an overwhelming force againt me.  I can't carve my path.  I'm crumbling with the thoughts that I cannnot save myself or be saved. 

Sometimes I hate myself so much, I feel I desperately need to punish myself.  The overwhelming force in the pit of my stomach is sometimes only driven away by an act of injury.  My mind takes me to some dark and terrible places, some of which I can only separate from after imagining myself being repeatedly stabbed or beaten as a comfort.  Often accompanying my deep anxiety is a break in my connection to reality, and every gushing wave leaves the real world less palatable.  I feel like I have reached the outer fringes of sanity, and I am so very tired of fighting.

I have been self-harming regularly for a few months now, adding to my legacy of disgrace.  I could live with the scars if others did not look at them and then turn away from me.  I feel it.  It rips apart my soul.  What have I done?  It's already so easy for people to turn away from me, so what was I fucking thinking?

Hours passed as I say in the bathroom and cried.  I was so fucking knotted up inside yet empty at the same time, and it seemed inescapable.  Even if it went away after hours, it would return.  I could have killed myself.  I really could have, and I'm afraid to tell anyone.

I cut myself, repeatedly, but with no intent to kill.  The thought of the members of my household finding me was cruel and I folded.  I drank nyquil until it made me sick, self-harmed again, and I slept into the afternoon, interrupted only by shooting stomach cramps painful enough to cut through the deep unconsciousness.

The rest of the day I spent alone.  I shuffled around the house without purpose.  I was groggy and my limbs were stiff.  I was in such terrible shape, I actually felt a little sorry for myself and tried to be a little more gentle that day.  I cancelled everything, ordered a pizza, watched a movie, and went to sleep.

The next moring, I awoke with the same agony. It hits me harder   I realize how much I have slowed down, like I sunk even deeper into my depression.  I can't fake the smile.  I can't rush.  I can't think straight at work, just increasing my uselessness.  The pressing desire to die is even more intense.  Did I do this to myself?  Is this all my fucking fault?  I feel even more worthless and stupid at times for prolonging my suffering.

I never meant to be such a waste.  I never meant to burden anybody.  Maybe I deserve it, but I just can't withstand the pain anymore.  I'm sorry.  It hurts so much.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I'm not better.  I hate myself so much.  I'm so tired.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.",2.157237025147136,4.239008961797754,3.4446147672552168,89.23768726591759,78.48314606741573,6.035848047084002,23.40422685928304,7.07126945348624,0.8188608881754953,3456,114,710,40,84,1124,349,890,0.249,0.652,0.099,-0.9994,1,1,0,1,2,3,116.0,0,0,3,6,42,55,17,8,52,0,88,34,14,4,10,127,145,58,6,21,21,0,10,4,0,7,12,3,0,0,38,36,2,3,23,0,1,14,25,41,0,1,32,15,125,14,100,87,28,99,2,9,2,6,10,44,6,13,41,521,163,3,0.05015122212619179,0.0,0.04894035839439822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04445603246327885,0.0,0.0,0.05194154130550195,0.11068624141078373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038365547656605326,0.0,0.09947307262759396,0.03506690058462866,0.0,0.0,0.044645220368849436,0.0,0.0,0.1884748962593489,0.03856319416484602,0.0,0.030571719521312032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435468047477944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020835012839389,0.0,0.1101775251713062,0.12937355745721493,0.0,0.04319517412998333,0.0,0.10409810142028876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132211236750822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441909713244141,0.10363923744613718,0.0,0.19874645536145388,0.0,0.12676370293737182,0.0,0.04507268467755073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286371826098615,0.07165608621527883,0.04815303800300588,0.0,0.04583730845734457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781839803778237,0.0,0.0,0.08550628580904669,0.0,0.04011051373564576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902789802005596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059429439688257236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981147951207352,0.09877770319981,0.11573555380330253,0.05368792053833578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096979352179233,0.05222478036644181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620580593362967,0.0,0.05128302247328701,0.1062698740067122,0.09800541557911563,0.15079409930769533,0.044284447950409984,0.0,0.04211439567795052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047454298981623975,0.03347633019985504,0.0,0.050383643408168616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050638437841084835,0.0,0.04003022703055797,0.053302812318420656,0.29493534989061576,0.03718649574274306,0.19339857114246609,0.0,0.10667278736883047,0.04706352462847317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033983766036537716,0.19071132163794746,0.10672887253267198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034768542794539004,0.0,0.05239735297835856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048031007718657176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570830702794157,0.032128157089474405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196467942722342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565578907550948,0.10463732450549956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056232221709515,0.0,0.0849859355213103,0.0,0.09920168209246592,0.3368411233754475,0.0,0.0,0.04005083077295137,0.0,0.0,0.05242894636403327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945338666772023,0.0,0.07541495528458725,0.0,0.04383437864288568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426975624173792,0.0,0.07962893684464784,0.11697432370890942,0.11528290458250012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03404938781100438,0.10910025677466692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138001051498058,0.02958049018338833,0.1194231173295874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298137070914772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834398847911385,0.05438686108794848,0.07302137401208074,0.0,0.05110837988536135,0.1068779678687673,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmeaway5675,2018/01/08,"Where do I go from here Well I guess this is a cry for attention. You would never expect someone like me to be here. I have an ok life. But I can’t dig myself out of this hole. I keep feeling like shit and then vowing to make something of my life. I can never really push myself to improve my life, I might have a burst of motivation that lasts a few days, but always, it’ll eventually die off and I’ll be back in this hole.

I do think that if I did everything I know I should do, if I really put a lot of effort into my life, if I got up early every morning and got to work, and wore myself out by night, then life would be wonderful and well worth living. But I can’t do that. I don’t know why. My conclusion is that maybe deep down I don’t really want what’s best for me. Hence I act self-destructively.

I’m not here because I think no one cares about me, I’m here because I’ve reasoned that the pain I believe I will feel in life (I’m 19) from not achieving what I want to achieve will far outweigh any happiness or fulfilment I will get along the way.

",2.657098017621145,3.3278369207048466,4.394226321585903,88.82763904185022,74.0660792951542,7.789537444933922,23.438601321585907,8.07648339933343,0.9685156387665196,819,21,191,12,16,278,124,227,0.08900000000000001,0.748,0.16399999999999998,0.9424,0,2,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,7,10,10,1,0,7,1,25,8,1,3,2,42,46,14,1,9,9,0,2,2,0,8,7,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,11,0,1,4,9,2,2,1,4,2,33,8,24,31,3,25,0,0,0,0,1,11,1,8,11,130,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012967310529493,0.0,0.0,0.08183299975897372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253140077661062,0.0,0.14671212241206988,0.0,0.0,0.1355781155593487,0.12628581474567271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269116158618908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218408068871576,0.07760713780474528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489036957661805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138875728917894,0.0,0.10815075722586727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216915793930298,0.08596847557967069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287089545100807,0.0,0.06839005060364751,0.0,0.19248830923928745,0.0,0.13256430785980197,0.0,0.0,0.1281005252466014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696067992204583,0.0,0.0,0.1322676727171206,0.09809037242110467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099837041589765,0.11758074744099242,0.0,0.10625940330445396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230585559123782,0.0,0.0,0.08032560044200655,0.0,0.12089426723466284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765809294120034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562197539456676,0.0,0.0,0.1129277269082392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815431797890852,0.0,0.12804660366748294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097149837430525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127208035350744,0.12372604451799805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553729559618418,0.0,0.12352376833864265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196079228398314,0.09264097708622344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542136407891374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195526338546138,0.09551757464539172,0.0,0.0,0.21639407146192294,0.0,0.10858504475551152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049988594820291,0.08760646220185325,0.0,0.0,0.1709673051939923,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadInWisconsin,2018/01/08,"Why do I deserve to live? I have a pretty good life. My family has enough money to get by and be comfortable, they support me in most things and have always given me positive outlooks on life, and they always advocate help. Despite all that, for the past few months, I have seriously been looking into committing suicide. I don’t want their help. If I can’t get through it on my own then I'm too weak to live anyway. Recently I’ve lost motivation to do anything because I’m hoping to find the courage to end my life. When I’m in need of someone to talk to, I push everyone away to play Superman and go to my fortress of solitude. I’m 17 years old and I’ve never had a kiss, never been on a date, and for good reason. I’m very cynical and can be annoying. There’s someone who I’ve been friends with for 6 years. About a year into it I told her I loved her and she said ‘no’ without saying ‘no’. She does not like to be blunt or speak her feelings. We go to the same school. We talk a lot to each other. There are patches of time where we don’t talk at all (more on that later), but when we are we talk every day a lot. However, whene I say talk, I mean text. We very rarely interact in person and she is very against the idea of it. I am very open with her and am very close with her in that way, but she always seems very distant. Periodically I basically tell her that: a) I want to never speak to her again so I can forget about her and move on (I was once at a point where I was very unhealthily obsessive), b) That ... is her fault, c) That ... is my fault, d) I am the embodiment of wasted air and have no idea why she likes to talk to me, e) Telling her the ways I think she has problems and is hurting me, and some combination of all of the above. Those tend to follow a period of silence, followed by one of us (more frequently her) starting conversation again like nothing happened. A week ago I lashed out on her calling her emotionless and that I can’t keep talking to her like this and how I really wanted to kill myself. I feel like she’s perfect as someone for me to open up to and at the same time horrible. It’s a bad match because a lot of times I want some sort of reaction and someone who I’m not just opening up to, but can open up to me. A real emotional connection. Sometimes I say things to try to make her feel hurt to see if she even feels anything or if I actually matter to her at all. On the flip side, that sturdy iron curtain of emotionless is what allows me to open up to her. I feel like if I talk to family members and other friends about my suicidal thoughts and feeling of not deserving life, they will just be given stress and be hurt emotionally and I would just be a burden to them, which I would not like to be. With this girl, if she feels nothing, no harm done to her. This aversion to causing close ones emotional pain is why I really, REALLY don’t want to have a failed attempt. When I attempt, I want to die, because living after that would be way worse. Also, I can’t feel guilty about it if I’m dead. I know, that’s a selfish way of thinking. I’m pretty selfish in general, which is a reason why I deserve to die. In fact, the mere idea of me wanting to end my life while I have a good one, and while a lot of people want to kill themselves because they weren’t as lucky and they didn’t get things easy is a large reason why I don’t deserve to live. If you don’t appreciate the life you’ve been given, do you deserve to have it? I think not. To me, this is a very interesting moral debate. 

P.S. Sorry for the super long post, I typed way more than intended. I’m very against a therapist and this is the first time I’ve my actually shared my personally experince and views with anyone.

P.P.S. Not from Wisconsin. Canadian-born, Canadian resident.",3.1791998288403924,4.22523833632863,4.675558408215661,85.88297389816005,73.21052631578948,8.034060761660246,26.760376551133927,8.479577106124081,1.676369619169876,2940,102,637,50,57,986,309,779,0.174,0.718,0.108,-0.9973,4,0,0,0,0,5,101.0,7,2,7,8,23,46,4,2,35,0,60,10,0,9,10,138,116,49,7,21,22,0,8,7,2,4,8,6,1,3,32,48,0,1,23,1,1,6,24,22,0,4,17,17,101,24,109,87,20,85,1,5,3,2,74,37,0,20,43,433,133,4,0.0,0.0,0.09329249421802624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237212688670816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038225923274567024,0.11932116324555493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03342311670126662,0.0,0.07867123172886854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044910003079204584,0.0,0.0399112963060345,0.11655460075272267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880950257866571,0.0,0.0,0.04910412749655335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030827271849382824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992184348814597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183040911646283,0.04891635480800536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161306882736525,0.08467384584728667,0.04939054022799668,0.0,0.031571680895482124,0.0,0.04027385717133744,0.0456752836398998,0.0,0.0,0.09012383324655232,0.0,0.19335434888311534,0.06829716034211206,0.0,0.0,0.04368865466580004,0.04065895398186849,0.0,0.0,0.0738608649269118,0.0,0.07492113123764158,0.0,0.0543320818519551,0.12027799916647182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226969235997068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407913512226789,0.0,0.0,0.047476533854964136,0.0,0.0,0.15351379252385625,0.16188233336415755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248714809516035,0.10576801192461592,0.0,0.026269822719106627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257680841700507,0.16346985842433853,0.0,0.1688343420400858,0.042301806279303286,0.04014025585610119,0.0,0.052179729494975326,0.1625525956145725,0.04314168285812822,0.0,0.03190710534281852,0.0,0.0,0.052068595187289964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815378397619239,0.050804208154204944,0.0,0.03544335445105369,0.11059973203311216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173145157341313,0.0,0.05015842729270584,0.050905813580095625,0.09717226437904497,0.0,0.050862943439286566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045630843572489935,0.03313874462758326,0.08347484516711916,0.0,0.0,0.0451867819561321,0.0,0.04577952284051614,0.09726028262424294,0.0,0.04573848014870021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544072640526385,0.09186638618431243,0.14744016531577148,0.04719707974956236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546907979240857,0.11403827259390704,0.0,0.04837650696068168,0.03809069086488343,0.04351564412362297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200432850003207,0.0,0.047275769204875535,0.05350857926167523,0.03383333433179054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054755140354621236,0.0,0.0,0.1045716509549074,0.054243271641675125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073608907006371,0.08355922699087275,0.0,0.0,0.05549989150445145,0.09526928728106288,0.0918856041202784,0.0,0.03794813919373133,0.1114910758348682,0.0,0.0,0.0456752836398998,0.0,0.03245330050391552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057497936524876475,0.0,0.0,0.3549626592985173,0.22555108298643026,0.18970846775688996,0.03834255814867446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156619086943624,0.0,0.0,0.04607783242327351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048712641175646935,0.10186799327334566,0.0,0.0,0.09234557618060232
suicidewatch,potatoberry_crispe,2018/01/08,"21 days left until my 27 club pass expires I’m unstable, I’m balding, I’m too nihilistic, my friends don’t actually care about me as much as I want them to and I’m incapable of love. I’m ugly. So what’s the point? I’ve been suicidal since I was 14 and I guess I’ve been too much of a pussy to do it idk",-2.2905633802816934,-0.506547873239434,1.471957746478875,97.1552605633803,98.15492957746478,5.656901408450705,18.367605633802818,7.1686216300943375,0.28071154929577524,235,8,62,5,10,86,48,71,0.19,0.652,0.157,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,4,14,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,7,3,8,11,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2878002404810389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30069149725503524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019957234485527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227855143827802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248886040168382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204324040007837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661776127950693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336015683662951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27879556276299605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439616033359666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322595580111593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395197884984462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somebrownguy1652,2018/01/08,I’m so done Living. My body just feels tense and uncomfortable all the time I’m always tired and unmotivated I’m just done today is the day I feel like constantly breaking down and just can’t live like this anymore. ,4.90527131782946,6.064593325581393,5.641860465116278,80.14248062015506,69.23255813953489,8.524031007751939,25.96124031007752,8.841846274778883,1.71804496124031,175,5,35,3,3,57,31,43,0.218,0.677,0.106,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,1,9,9,4,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,1,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027143048710476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416090920344139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706108363711872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632705021986005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711703139764485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986229395697617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24636676781493905,0.17404470850145046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380443153814567,0.0,0.4302481054586728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420588476665256,0.2800094253401121,0.23092663354485354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Full_Rick,2018/01/08,"Need help writing a letter to a friend Hi y'all, 

Firstly, I am not in any immediate danger to my self or others. I think about posting here frequently, however. 

I need help writing a letter to one of my best friends in the world.

We have been friends since pre-pubescence. They recently came out to me and revealed some other personal family matters. They also moved half a country away from me. Circumstances have necessitated that I keep communication with them to a minimum.

They are someone I value deeply and sincerely, but I have trouble expressing these feelings. If someone could help me craft a letter to them expressing my thanks for their existence, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you, 

Full_Rick",5.679177489177487,8.308836412698412,6.29632034632035,70.3229220779221,69.79365079365078,9.97864357864358,34.470418470418466,10.230975488527342,4.326311111111112,572,29,89,17,11,186,90,126,0.043,0.715,0.242,0.971,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,6,2,3,9,1,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,22,16,6,0,5,4,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,2,1,22,7,15,12,2,11,0,0,0,0,25,5,0,3,3,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940411719624124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854398260982316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637799377027056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829387101923602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993763216513866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391808108660554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643339432488722,0.0,0.08814173080430991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827700943291794,0.0,0.0,0.4040389788572183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35053026181692365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549441547781393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852752054337722,0.0,0.2585130254269089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812414692529935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221002008285667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695094377205988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167423717535747,0.0,0.17212055780758273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185439895726632,0.0,0.0,0.14419979793057536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954025496559133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209819671483597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169759880335033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123832349501171,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SparkyTheWolf,2018/01/08,Fuck. I did coke. I drank. I didn't say no? I don't know. I can't sleep. I want to sleep. My head hurts. ,-6.399615384615385,-8.169621923076921,-2.522499999999999,118.93625,152.84615384615384,1.3,3.25,3.1291,-3.6016,74,0,26,0,8,26,17,26,0.344,0.5720000000000001,0.083,-0.7126,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32008295411083465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35533064421193344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706451000371449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027829831319348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753350448759411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6929577009802105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042147215469264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corgicute,2018/01/08,"I have no right to want to die. Im 16, and honestly, my life is not horrible. I have loving parents who do not fight, a calm brother, 4 pets, clean clothes, food on my table. I have my own car, phone, computer and all the game systems I want. I'm spoiled. Mind you, I do work for things, my parents are not fond of simple giving, but work I do to earn, others my age just have to do, with nothing in return besides the basic necessities. I have a job, I work at Del Taco, everyone there is nice.

Despite being in the most ideal situation I could be, I don't want to be apart of it anymore. Depression and anxiety absolutely destroyed my ability to gain an education. My parents took me out of public school and into an expensive online program, but my procrastination, pure laziness, and the fact that I am genuinely always tired, I don't do my work. I no longer feel a sense of pride from doing anything, so that drive is completely gone. I've been working at my job a little over a week, and I've already taken two sick days and I'm tired and ready to quit. I can not consistently keep up with anything for more than a week before I get tired and basically give up. I eat usually 1 meal a day, and by meal its usually junk food. I don't drink enough liquids. I don't exercise. I know why i'm depressed. I'm completely aware of all the problems in my life and understand how to fix them, but I don't. I don't have it in me. The 'cure' for depression is doing all the things depression prevents you from doing. 

I genuinely dislike having to eat and drink, its a chore. I'm spoiled, and get too comfortable with having things just given to me. I've recently been struggling with self identity in my sexuality. I'm a mess. I'm not a lost cause to everyone but me. Maybe I just want to take the easy way out. I don't see myself cut out for life. I can't see myself completely high school, or going to college or even getting a proper job. The only thing I feel comfortable with is being a housewife because I like cleaning, but its a weak goal and something no one else will ever support. Everyone tells me I have to go to school, and get a career and thinking about growing up makes me shut down.

In the 5th grade I started recognizing the fact that I'm not fit to be a member of society, and make me promise to myself that I would kill myself before I turned 18. I turn 17 in 6 days. I have a year to suck it up and get it done with.

I feel selfish. I have a great life, that I should be happy with. I know it will affect people around me. I look like i'm depressed for being lonely. While I take prozac I tend to be a visually happy person. I am not comfortable expressing my problems to those around me.
I just want to be done with everything. I've done nothing productive and I know I never will.

This isn't necessarily a goodbye, maybe a cry for help. I don't know what to do.",2.6298469387755112,4.173340471088442,4.4994047619047635,84.62267857142858,75.41156462585032,7.689115646258505,26.195578231292515,8.408885092690799,1.7340843537414967,2239,82,467,41,48,763,260,588,0.16899999999999998,0.68,0.151,-0.9598,6,3,3,0,1,2,75.0,0,2,1,12,13,35,5,1,33,0,59,20,0,5,8,88,111,29,2,11,18,4,3,2,0,5,11,0,4,2,22,33,8,2,9,4,1,7,21,18,0,2,10,6,74,17,69,86,7,52,0,7,3,1,20,28,1,3,17,314,96,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039022242840423,0.0,0.05307565391376592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879665979647018,0.0,0.06325927792513314,0.0,0.0,0.10498205736441288,0.11356739381782875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888378735596465,0.0,0.10855558694858207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552652369088248,0.0,0.0,0.2006374606179949,0.0,0.0,0.050928498855643614,0.0,0.07006670752001676,0.1234114561533942,0.0,0.2746970062484165,0.0,0.06620053603730754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582785677782533,0.0,0.1249733870633654,0.0,0.13053946071207898,0.053285612625440106,0.0,0.0,0.06590872436502353,0.0,0.04213052143740869,0.05769873251735792,0.0,0.1828528094136942,0.05732738341206375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675743391210276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426228976741846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662962060693107,0.12238005218577655,0.07250291635661367,0.0,0.0,0.07032507474659441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580428125457872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275488823190338,0.06739416295874047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890059440296725,0.0,0.18989540649175995,0.056696560109147025,0.07057054561861778,0.0,0.14022203415626489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021776325411012,0.062325930611372586,0.06393104241243981,0.0,0.0,0.053564772665953934,0.0,0.06963073076038936,0.0,0.05756999763545539,0.0,0.08515625063495658,0.0,0.12816465067568436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440639518749823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049196244326451394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241014027071748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322352660596684,0.04851266852540245,0.0,0.0,0.21248278381285696,0.0,0.0,0.04422167434046873,0.055696096217368984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207053687122853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784501946811758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298168243733161,0.0,0.0,0.05447350319777918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366667270467733,0.10165950133357143,0.0,0.06654345158329354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169893641797558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910612694092079,0.0,0.0,0.04514856279218546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668372056387538,0.0,0.0,0.07238440443827622,0.0,0.0,0.09591933756625096,0.0,0.05575239746794774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950822746958774,0.04087194921079417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199403248043824,0.0,0.0,0.07086938362597776,0.0,0.13876325085181954,0.06231034867985837,0.06640421635437194,0.0,0.0,0.1405041022587257,0.0,0.18811527584738044,0.05063092265596368,0.1023317050109283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575575858476417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321874287727549,0.0,0.0,0.04531224980382803,0.0,0.0,0.04107655095301413
suicidewatch,schwifterr,2018/01/08,"giving up it would be so easy to get up out of the chair, open the door, walk down the hallway, down the stairs, into the kitchen, open the drawer, and take the kitchen knife, but the only thing holding me back is the physical pain. I don't want to try, I don't want to ""find a brighter future."" I just want to give up. on everything. I don't have any reason to keep living. What is the point of it all? it is so easy...",1.6502889245585877,2.748880898876408,2.8921669341894085,96.9726966292135,77.08988764044943,5.984590690208668,20.579454253611555,6.18269132825596,-0.16007030497592334,316,7,78,2,7,102,55,89,0.094,0.823,0.083,0.0056,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,11,0,9,3,0,1,1,16,17,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,5,5,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,15,15,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,0,2,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500417087203914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657591814723515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807004604252608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176943834759333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676988508830322,0.4655266301448364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567043073612086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214256409898824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453938117039687,0.258187085080145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293741322959795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494753149841675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243580218105007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611998698038488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473728203201046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42934776810387104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236517372484603,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hankbuk,2018/01/08,"I offer zero value to the world Right now, I offer nothing to the world. I am hopeless and a burden.

I'm in my mid-twenties and work in menial jobs that a well-trained animal would be better suited to do. 

**I have no meaning.**

This is without a doubt the worst phycological day of my life. I've always thought about suicide. Thinking about how I would do it, but it's never been anything I thought I would do.

Today is the first day that I've started considering suicide. I've caught myself in a horrible downward spiral. I just want to feel pain. My left hand is broken or fractured from punching the wall. It didn't make me feel better.

I'm hopeless. It's like the blinds were pulled from my eyes and I can finally see myself for what I am: an incompetent burden.

I don't want to be like this anymore.",0.9366666666666674,3.4125326049382743,2.8652962962962967,88.94683333333334,87.14814814814815,4.721481481481481,22.29753086419753,6.2581,0.5344434567901231,630,23,124,6,20,210,95,162,0.221,0.642,0.138,-0.9638,1,0,0,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,0,4,5,11,0,1,11,0,19,5,2,2,1,22,33,6,2,5,4,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,2,6,6,18,4,15,22,1,19,0,2,3,0,2,9,0,2,10,85,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137402262775197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376563051979615,0.0,0.0,0.13588878486643194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29208999069126435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212991733842276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669904420012096,0.0,0.0,0.1808929947896683,0.0,0.14046038759321572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638670879431615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794153700399254,0.0,0.11663694480162133,0.16134938081943045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022625878246703,0.0,0.0,0.17987612432681913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127359246510247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844769700956518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571108083104908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102101526299812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158806802951148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688060779756836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36125313580223495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580930975848954,0.0,0.2621912182969471,0.0,0.0,0.15652492804741064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947971445137978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847264625911175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591804404145375,0.0,0.12021737180352247,0.0,0.0,0.35191308229173673,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Katrakit,2018/01/08,Thoughts of anxiety and depression. I have General anxiety and depression the last time I thought about giving up was in December when things seemed less and less worth the while of sticking around which I'm to much of a coward to actually do life just has to much to give than give up. I also have a son I could not do that to or leave to my husbands crazy family. I know people get better I mean this December has been the first time since 2014 since I wanted to just be done with it all. I just wish there was something to stop my brain from going to suicide or running away which as I said I'm to much of a coward and I love my son to much and me running away is me going to my moms place with my son for how ever many months. I have gotten a hold of my anxiety for the most part and my depression is always situational but it worse off when your partner tells you just to get over your anxiety.,4.299032258064514,4.734931752688176,5.300161290322585,84.6702419354839,70.18279569892474,8.995698924731181,26.79032258064516,9.075114841892004,1.8259548387096776,710,21,154,13,12,234,102,186,0.152,0.799,0.049,-0.9346,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,0,2,12,5,0,0,8,0,15,3,1,1,2,32,34,15,1,3,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,7,9,0,2,5,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,8,1,23,2,34,24,9,23,0,3,0,1,15,9,0,4,10,118,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.11306706250685165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265681858964507,0.09640856631364156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35454417722413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314399174188836,0.0,0.0,0.21771707007735552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247275651923607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934312833081218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250839503844667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993818361927765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185696361329654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480609601439156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922676226482599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855430557119453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106886411009392,0.3334434295182349,0.13169695903993506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367611268884309,0.09444505191128792,0.0,0.12268380220385512,0.0,0.0,0.08183854035886738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457225724871297,0.0,0.0,0.11746844245009475,0.0,0.12621043431268278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569913105530304,0.09248195825116036,0.0,0.34069502896590365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254699893992596,0.0,0.08032587276418995,0.0,0.12105376786688495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021369575568528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547871177402604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168866438439824,0.13023658036320762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919817178855273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686793076910848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673698451379378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127070157564386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697524186541889,0.0,0.0,0.1839669809324176,0.13512307229043322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683398986496042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332384853850147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180758493134269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifewastedfailure,2018/01/08,"A week into the new year and I'm losing hope I really wanted to change and improve my life when the new year started but I'm starting to give up. I wanted this to be the year I tried my hardest and I pulled myself out of these years of suicidal thoughts and depression but I starting to think I can't be fixed or improved but that I'll just struggle, give up and die. I'm not doing it tonight but I'm probably going to try to find the best methods for it when I wake up tomorrow l.",1.6026816239316233,3.1793662980769213,3.5532051282051285,90.16957264957266,78.32692307692307,6.545299145299146,25.017094017094017,7.3871296695380915,1.0921850427350424,381,14,84,5,9,129,62,104,0.184,0.6970000000000001,0.119,-0.8608,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,5,0,4,2,1,0,0,20,19,12,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,10,2,14,16,1,21,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,2,14,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670054122226503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811980188280788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502226240635782,0.0,0.17474801854887895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389288986539745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304378347209883,0.09569213280382856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723565995847114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189291617601816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837001323106692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32523776387033226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815381320496839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786617074494566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575328400883867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602346952957232,0.0,0.18417634608515412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788873574666577,0.0,0.13367197617346738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286329134381579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862541109685253,0.0,0.1350613133654273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337152728682481
suicidewatch,amorsemper,2018/01/08,"Tired of it Tired of everything. Tired of the endless cycle. No matter how happy I ever am, the depression will always haunt me until it attacks and leads to suicidal thoughts and hopefully outright suicidal. I wish I were that brave. Can’t even do that right.",3.780000000000001,6.5965419999999995,4.624833333333335,79.00350000000002,76.91666666666666,8.006666666666666,28.35,8.841846274778883,2.8613700000000004,208,9,34,5,5,67,37,48,0.401,0.412,0.187,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,2,0,5,3,0,2,1,9,8,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,5,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235190101658228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197228781076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805287501668398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288720861978703,0.17649333017469912,0.0,0.0,0.1753574189095592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770430133271506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937939251187789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662775014625944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268498361024194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490007901109706,0.0,0.6727704174914507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243734371119514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brbokay,2018/01/08,"I don't know. I don't know. I never had anyone, everyone left and it was not my fault apparently. But I know it is. I'm not good. But now, someone is hurt because of me. So badly hurt. And I cut them to their core without even trying, I tried to be nice but I'm not. I'm just not a good person at my core. That's all.",-3.0324429223744285,-1.4945412876712325,0.683869863013701,100.99466324200914,105.7123287671233,3.5292237442922367,12.932648401826484,5.46131890053228,-1.2614283105022834,238,5,63,2,12,86,46,73,0.189,0.759,0.052000000000000005,-0.8141,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,4,8,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,16,13,6,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,11,3,5,10,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601936100965301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912907972060452,0.13965859643507464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131986596783378,0.0,0.0,0.21891700417577287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843201712530972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905173634525093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777257916054899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489202494364692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669776787973476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000432353315355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411758084712688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110907587545688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084637968629064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway87552,2018/01/08,"Im killing myself tonight Last week was the first week after winter break that i was back at school, and i fucking hated it more than usual, and i know all of this week wont be any better. then in 2 weeks is mid-year finals, where all the information im should have memorized is supposed to be put to use, but sleeping in class, not doing homework, drinking, being lazy, lack of motivation, and just not caring enough have curbed any plans i had for getting a diploma. Ive been off track of graduation all year, and this will just put me deeper into the hole ive dug myself. My dad never graduated HS so he *really* wants to make sure that i do, and gets pissed off at anything less than a C. I hate all my classes because they are too difficult and im to stupid to pass them. I dont understand math problems no matter how much help i get. im failing english because the 6, 1-page assingments im supposed to have done for a book were due a month ago but i never even started a rough draft for any of them. Failing astronomy because im too dumb to retain anything which means ive failed pretty much every assignemnt in that class

I cant maintain friendships, and im not even able to start relationships that mean anything, because nobody wants to be friends with/date a anxious, depressed, loser, which leaves me constantly alone at home in my room pretty much all day doing nothing but playing videogames, eating, and usually neglecting hygiene because i just dont care enough, and that leads to issues (such as dental problems) that leave me in pain and that i cant afford to fix. My family is gonna freak, but i just dont care enough anymore to not hurt ther feelings, why should i stay alive just so they can feel good while i cry myself to sleep every night. consider this my suicide note, because i dont have the energy too write a personal one, so im just gonna leave this up on the screen until someone finds me,

sorry for being hard to read, i dont know how to organise it properly",7.7477950558213715,6.195071522727279,7.794986709197238,76.29844497607658,63.57070707070707,10.458054226475276,35.23604465709729,9.134995656068208,2.967754545454545,1577,57,307,21,19,512,215,396,0.246,0.672,0.08199999999999999,-0.9972,1,1,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,4,9,19,27,7,0,13,0,37,7,3,6,8,61,61,23,2,7,14,1,4,0,1,6,1,0,3,1,15,11,2,3,11,4,0,4,15,19,0,2,6,5,36,8,41,44,14,48,0,7,1,1,12,15,3,0,27,197,51,15,0.06144837590083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447027765324314,0.0,0.0,0.0636419855727138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536100830148328,0.0,0.0,0.06941917418312618,0.06094027722246535,0.0,0.0,0.1517003328763166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725000808585795,0.0,0.22475015763565329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543460949349848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795214365141544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640386441332753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749815553362139,0.03962911895873305,0.0,0.052925396122199146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288302296697876,0.36008519456075605,0.06019601474178481,0.0,0.06287702915041198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904777954754913,0.0,0.08117214549812778,0.0,0.10354581388634353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057928060033897326,0.0,0.062140290345144164,0.0,0.0,0.06731369222647614,0.05616270234216849,0.052267957150330106,0.0,0.0,0.04747486279169563,0.05680803335438124,0.09631272065999542,0.0,0.0,0.051539982307169725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504567511607706,0.12133509901102985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041187551090154664,0.0,0.0616377312228607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578175730737977,0.0,0.5309983245371521,0.0641361396512065,0.0,0.0,0.0679835235999519,0.0,0.06754084076247226,0.050088627764657764,0.0,0.19519487290177506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041017268068263946,0.0,0.0,0.13387059112936325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490475073923417,0.0,0.1355148798835818,0.0,0.09478555133386868,0.0,0.0,0.05766513815578821,0.0,0.058961373948710726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163900980687146,0.0,0.06538540439111716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365435166225739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503017876209782,0.0,0.1175955939053218,0.0,0.12354517987128748,0.0,0.0,0.061465004704035625,0.0,0.03936540307766389,0.0,0.0,0.06597255930477801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218903698386185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229855063660406,0.0,0.052065009493257916,0.0,0.0,0.06878642596834847,0.08698695347132752,0.06549579274371549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721454976052482,0.0,0.0579143670748761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396992640613479,0.0,0.05307166736516211,0.13535340938721827,0.0,0.07248768835766492,0.0,0.19716072255500355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554476015670353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914147883198862
suicidewatch,flippydedooda,2018/01/08,"My will to live relies on other people I'm stressed out all the time. I either care about hardly a thing or care about everything too much. I'm sick of being me and sick of being treated like I am by other people in my family. Somehow I feel it's my fault yet their fault. Nothing ever feels clear to me anymore. Everything is a mess. I know the saying that if you will kill yourself, you may as well do anything else, yet I just don't, can't, won't. 

I don't drink or do drugs or smoke. I don't do much of anything. I just kind of exist to complain and also sometime's actually try, but fail. It's feels so dramatic yet it's so commonplace and I feel ungrateful all the time, and angry at myself and circumstances. I don't like how I've gone from wondering about suicide to stopping myself from falling in front of the train. I hate the thought of going out selfishly as well, but it's harder to resist lately.",2.062550062578225,3.94850135638298,3.84953692115144,87.16029411764706,77.98936170212768,6.551188986232791,23.29286608260325,7.5105763829236425,1.0505778473091358,717,23,146,10,17,241,104,188,0.245,0.688,0.067,-0.9879,0,0,3,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,1,1,17,17,2,1,7,0,16,4,0,1,4,31,30,17,2,1,9,0,5,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,8,7,1,1,7,1,0,4,6,9,2,0,2,6,21,8,25,22,5,18,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,7,10,107,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.14339063548380152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750654704301185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572336171561082,0.0,0.0,0.2418354875480685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996268856753501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394364498922238,0.17040183853288307,0.0,0.12274813841607067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291415180410512,0.0,0.0,0.2641174323567997,0.0,0.13852040112957228,0.0,0.29718578318972033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835084516628179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162790179863226,0.14507120190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256551580972234,0.1530136821720374,0.08075347551403905,0.0,0.16575286129086375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435733133326623,0.0,0.12974925689112746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160331913930846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099131173643473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373710408811965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685127521977888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532578737642535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228470417734754,0.16831738581466332,0.0,0.0,0.16072670807762746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761931196304746,0.0,0.0,0.11665263835052417,0.1713618694487155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976149575179992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642304501502236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934837482233896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayaccforck,2018/01/08,"I am a worthless teenager This is my silent scream for help, but right now I am not hoping, not anymore, I expect this to just pass away in the winds of new threads, because I know there is a lot of people who are in most need of help.
But anyway, I can't write this on my Journal nor my main account because of fear of somebody finding out.
The thing is, this is not the first time I go throught this kind of shit. I've had depression, I went to a psychologist, it worked out pretty well, but what I haven't told to anybody is that I still have missing pieces. It's been two years since my first and last attempt of suicide, but the last year I went almost the first semester with thoughs of suicide, that I am a worthless piece of crap and nobody will ever miss my existance, Why would ANYONE miss a person like me? A person who failed to the expectations, a person who is neither interesting or attractive. Nowdays I think I have no future or anything. I've done everything I could to improve myself but I always think that is going to do nothing, I get desperate and frustrated and sometimes crying myself in the nights because those kind of thoughs, sometimes the worst thing about them is that I believe them the most than the good ones. The thoughs of suicide are coming back, most of it because of the reason of ""What is left anyways, I fucked up and I see no bright future in me"", and the only reason for not ending my life is my mother, as she is my last bastion of hope I can have. ""This is the age to try everything we can"" those are words I heard my entire teenager life and I get angry because since I was a child I have problems socializing or people find me creepy. I am so just sad and desperate right now, and crying with force. 
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suicidewatch,AmbitiousBadger,2018/01/08,"I'm done everyone, I'm sorry I just want to thank everyone here, if it weren't for you I would've done this a long time ago.

I've been fighting this sickness for far too long, unfortunately I give up. Never in my life have I felt so hopeless and worthless. 

I've never experienced pain like this, it's 10x worse than any physical pain I have ever endured. I can't even start to explain what it's like. I truly hope no one has to go through this. 

I am alone. I have no support. My Dad is unsupportive and tell's me to, ""man up."" My mother regrets my existence. My brother is a drunk. My girlfriend dumped me while I was on vacation last month. 

I lost all of my friends due to this break up. She took to social media and said, ""I abused her, I used her for sex, I laughed at her while she cried."" The list goes on. 

Every. Single. Friend blocked contact with me. 

I've lost 22 pounds in 3 weeks, I've slept 10 hours in 4 days. I am mentally incapable to continue fightings. I am exhausted.

I didn't even write a note. 

After I submit this, I'm going to take the rest of the Oxycodone and Xanax I have left, 31 pills in total, have a beer, and light up one last cigarette. 

If you are reading this and have suicidal thoughts, please get help. I'm just too far gone. 

I wish everyone the best of luck. 

-Robert
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suicidewatch,lukerocks10,2018/01/08,"Since you were 12? Wow! Yeah, I’ve had severe depression since I was 12 in the 6th grade. I’m in the 8th grade now, 14. It’s gotten no better, worse, actually.

I’ve gotten straight As. Have a great circle of friends. Fantastic family. And I want to just can’t wait to figure a out a code to a gun room to end it.

In 6th grade, I could only think about death and what people would think of it. 

In the 7th grade, I tried to kill myself the day before school started when I was alone. Obviously, it didn’t work. I’m not even really sad at this point, it just feels like an empty monotony of life. Same thing every day. It’s tough putting on your happy face for 3 years, ya know?

But then, things got better for about half a year. I had a crush on this girl until I finally had the guts to just say hi. We had mutual friends, and had mutual interests. We loved each other, if oh can call it that.

As the 8th grade year started, I started breaking out in acne, ya know, the usual stuff. She wouldn’t talk to me. It was like I was invisible. 

She broke up with me.

Now, I had previously mentioned my suicidality to her, and she said that it was okay. It only went away when she was there. I felt complete with her. She was my finishing touch. 

Now, winter break is ending, and I’m probably only gonna get 3 hours of sleep. Yay me! 

I feel empty. I use up so much energy just not “breaking out of character” on the spot.

People say that “Everyone gets a little sad sometimes,” or “Your depression isn’t real. Get over it.”

Now, I only feel empty and sad. I don’t see any point in life. Every tiny complication in life seems like I just got a 23 on a final. 

Can’t wait until I find that code to the gun room. That shall be the ultimate bliss.",0.6864760364598652,2.787816762569836,2.7847691855336656,91.8771008526904,83.88826815642456,6.1147897677153775,17.521611290796823,7.3759095455046575,0.16394301675977685,1323,29,298,21,38,446,185,358,0.109,0.718,0.173,0.9767,0,1,0,2,0,2,59.0,2,5,0,3,16,22,1,0,20,3,27,7,3,1,1,45,58,17,3,5,10,0,5,3,2,4,3,3,2,1,23,14,0,2,11,0,0,2,9,8,0,1,22,9,37,14,43,30,3,55,0,6,1,1,25,25,0,3,28,181,60,7,0.0,0.0,0.09504502869634222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087350084626168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623302558937147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150730864672396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287733014553969,0.0,0.0,0.1722787497618749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945281476560827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211847853319216,0.0,0.0,0.07776325718684803,0.0,0.0,0.12562549483164726,0.0,0.16777509194528845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725289515698251,0.0,0.0,0.06432953351402729,0.0,0.16412166670628178,0.09306662193257187,0.0,0.0,0.09181684324061963,0.0,0.1477399371101336,0.06958014810306637,0.0935160066039812,0.21338642183042414,0.08901872484428043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504967379285384,0.0,0.1526571055502587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579391136889764,0.1073800916399428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368048820964397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959160286437473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107754903679998,0.0,0.10705324474872366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063822897071539,0.14274917228405792,0.09761697684107047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790423108801397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159770512920863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962980024252673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350450734751958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841425303810169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501000429461084,0.0,0.0,0.09791048074748533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085864980922147,0.062394753792387576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926464670044316,0.1549073657285339,0.0,0.09857055555962103,0.0776124775452046,0.08866620362413682,0.0,0.11003043136841843,0.0,0.1611349424247632,0.0,0.0974669353010548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963277245052118,0.0,0.2068134372059673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149580122552206,0.10653606862096963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828369506474916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941194207753082,0.12481561285423876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612589584060381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411938808470326,0.10726859111557847,0.0,0.057447036159298324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028762086351746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090588234452888,0.0,0.09925545280403457,0.06918774781085689,0.0,0.0,0.18816064489719025
suicidewatch,Granjonga,2018/01/08,"14, parents cant help This is a throwaway.  I am about to turn 15, and I attempted suicide when I was 10.  This is a throwaway because I don't want my parents to find out.  After my attempt, they said that I was only trying to kill myself to manipulate them into giving me toys or something.  I was horribly insulted and told them that wasn't the case, and they promptly had me detained in a facility, where i attempted suicide 4 times, while the fat ass old ladies watching me there just said ""Don't do it its gonna hurt"" while they made me sit and do nothing all day for a week, and drew my blood for some sort of medication, which i wouldn't let them do because I was afraid of needles, and they forced me to do it because they said ""If you don't do this we won't let you leave"" and when i threatened to attack them or break out they just said ""If you assault one of the attendants you just stay another day"".  Facilities like this are whats been keeping me from killing myself for these 5 years.  Its a scary place and they dont want to help you, they dont care.  Anyway, my parents handled it horribly and thats why i cant get help.  If they find out, that could happen again.  What should I do?  Can i get help without them knowing?

i go to community college. due to the age difference i really have no enviroment to make friends.  i have friends online but that doesn't satisfy the need for someone to comfort you IRL.",5.177359068627453,5.094234190972223,5.889975490196083,83.00845588235295,68.2013888888889,8.998692810457516,32.21895424836602,8.671277953709913,2.3458633169934635,1109,44,235,16,17,363,149,288,0.17800000000000002,0.78,0.042,-0.9825,3,0,1,0,0,4,32.0,1,6,14,3,10,12,5,1,10,0,34,4,3,3,1,40,54,19,4,9,10,3,0,1,2,4,2,4,0,0,18,14,1,1,3,1,0,2,13,7,0,1,13,5,49,5,27,34,2,26,0,1,1,1,37,7,1,7,15,168,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947786749650076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877589199291674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909331691916196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644797411562296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335898969632465,0.0,0.0,0.13466532534902714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090811248441088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472403703643794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908487693421708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613262674449452,0.0,0.10909472801581648,0.10015490087490914,0.05933583350508189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232509937743164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799221942663486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117678361592353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280006432845624,0.2310175841530613,0.0,0.057378321387213264,0.0,0.0,0.11054994305724156,0.0,0.21352260978154092,0.0,0.051007066027742576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879064527824837,0.06969122572587239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051771705107114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741507068695723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017952473403448,0.0,0.10955560653193168,0.0,0.07074760870526486,0.07940479548028355,0.0,0.0,0.34778857780017874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090811248441088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688459082915077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39725269582609296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846211607695455,0.08037615915790955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128196223601937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840450278783656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060879462810443985,0.0,0.0,0.09976356263097844,0.0,0.07088422051036973,0.11356278564946876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231616850559919,0.0,0.08374748652804664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420937811692844,0.0,0.0,0.10064280622974278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723347172196141
suicidewatch,tired543,2018/01/08,"Does anyone else just feel empty? I really don't know what's going on anymore or what to do, I really wish someone could tell me what the point to anything was ",4.946363636363635,5.034545000000001,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,68.6969696969697,9.024242424242424,25.59090909090909,8.841846274778883,1.7583454545454549,127,3,25,2,2,43,27,33,0.057,0.8490000000000001,0.094,0.2944,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921817237974206,0.2060036387818857,0.3018707858558485,0.2424453731896537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352283660851729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578220507305277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24611539462920484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489676284539711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167438103755205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191425589241756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785090807361513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774794554092385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496287335178247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575089715267191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33879596769303605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evenifwetried,2018/01/08,Here goes nothing Unless someome can help me out of this daily routine of panick attacks and anger i feel i have no other choice than to kill myself. Amd i think i onky have a couple hours left. Ive spent tbis whoke day trying tonfind a solution or hope. But there arent any... I have a great job ans a bf. So please dont assume i do t.,0.1437500000000007,2.2261803194444454,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,86.08333333333334,4.155555555555557,17.333333333333336,5.148860815047168,-0.7001999999999997,261,6,59,1,8,86,58,72,0.217,0.647,0.136,-0.8075,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,12,5,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,9,2,6,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753874496952392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29340953285450705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853721931407309,0.0,0.16633042926217126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30226826412472835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040690077347888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843463703067315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287144486398778,0.0,0.0,0.2561625399275897,0.2539891164419625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559355951317023,0.0,0.28533888615868586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802196590133473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474713265512878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831074172583899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525813086339022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510376624192178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedandscaredd,2018/01/08,"14 and given up Hey.

I've been severely depressed for quite some time now and only last year have started being suicidal. I just want to rant about everything in my life.

I hate school so much. I'm a freshman in High school and passing all my classes with decent grades, but I'm just sick and tired of doing the same shit over and over again. I don't learn anything anymore and it feels like I'm in an indefinite loop. It's gotten to the point where I gave up on doing any assigned work, which ends up in me skipping school constantly to avoid being chased by teachers. Whenever I try to do my work, I wind up staring at a blank document for hours crying because I'm fed-up and drained from doing anything school related. My health is fucked because of this, only getting a maximum of 2 hours of sleep each night and living off of coffee and energy drinks. I've tried talking to teachers and guidance but in such a money-oriented world, they don't give two fucks about me. Since middle-school, I have been hurting myself and making myself sick just to stay home. Now I'm just thinking about ending it all.

My parents don't care about me anymore now that I confessed how I feel about school. I'm getting scolded everytime I skip or get a call from my teacher regarding missing work. I'm getting encouraged to commit suicide whenever I discuss my depression. They're telling me  it's ""what I want."" They've taken away my phone and computer and gave me a shitty laptop with restrictions just for school. They threaten to abandon me if I dropout. I've attempted to hang myself numerous times but backed out cause I was too scared. Nobody cares about me at this point, everyone knows I'm dead weight.

The only thing keeping me alive at this point is my job. I applied for a fast-food job in November and got hired. I love my co-workers a lot and generally love working in this environment. I've asked my manager to give me as many shifts possible and am working an upwards of 35 hours per week. It's my only escape from this hell but it's not good enough. I know I can't rely on minimum wage my whole life but I can't continue with school. My depression constantly is affecting me and I can't handle it anymore. I just want it all to stop but I'm scared. I need help.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. There's a lot more things keeping me depressed but I don't want to make this post too long. 








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suicidewatch,eggupmyass,2018/01/08,"I feel like I have no control I’m 17, and I have bipolar disorder. I feel like I am my own worst enemy. I am constantly thinking about harming myself or others around me but I don’t ever have the courage to just kill myself. I used to self harm a lot when I was younger, but now I either can’t find the motivation to do it or I feel too many things at once to do it. When I say that, I mean it feels like I’m high, but not quite happy. I feel insane writing here. I have a constant message replaying in my head that is telling me to stab myself in the head but it’s more because I want the thoughts to go away.  I want it all to go away. I don’t have many friends because they can’t handle the fact that I am almost two different people. I’ve seen therapists but they can’t help because I have no root cause for being this way. I don’t know what to do.",0.7788140417457328,2.390581758064517,2.8243706514864018,94.30067362428845,80.88172043010752,5.8818469323213165,22.231499051233396,6.794906146795322,0.3867840607210629,661,21,157,7,17,223,100,186,0.194,0.6759999999999999,0.13,-0.9386,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,3,9,10,1,0,7,0,21,3,2,5,3,35,38,10,1,2,10,0,5,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,12,2,0,1,11,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,3,7,30,6,16,34,6,16,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,4,9,111,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282345776071508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400142671150865,0.0,0.0,0.2406350208975694,0.0,0.0,0.2341943625986946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315539071045117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27677685949533465,0.143631283364725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379647241269366,0.14676898292186102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158384921111378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237574078295163,0.27446037874653595,0.0,0.0,0.11704541981382653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893959895668504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455600173172514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632329928594772,0.0,0.0,0.2628550313864812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583657850151169,0.13530346116154646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168050553730388,0.0,0.07037896799783104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769238525143087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887286951884906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596674766359856,0.0,0.13949595448594335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638076903546542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878136227149586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620862035527778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183923486697284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359553589778228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193094497049816,0.0,0.0,0.148688673305509,0.08507802777384098,0.0820563079925036,0.0,0.10166611714324053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509697386892504,0.0,0.0,0.11060357368721503,0.0,0.0,0.15106737320911345,0.10164884874894026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fate55,2018/01/08,"I need to talk Let's say for a minute that everything is ok, and that I'm on route to changing my life, and that nothing is actively wrong, and while at the moment I may dread my job, I know that it's temporary. Let's say that I know I have people in my life eho care about me and I know that I have things to live for. What if none of that is helping? What if I am afraid to talk to my closest friends because they already literally saved my life once and on their end I'm getting better? What if after acknowledging the irrationality of that thought, I still feel like I can't take this life where nothing is wrong and still feel like maybe I'm just not good at it? What am I supposed to do? For the time being let's say counseling has been tried, but doesn't seem to help, and that meds are a non option. Please, I'm tired of feeling like this...",4.151782630777047,4.159425793296094,4.797704418486543,89.64890807516504,70.39664804469274,8.073336719146775,26.887252412392076,7.686295010490155,1.1293754189944134,663,19,156,7,11,213,97,179,0.077,0.77,0.153,0.8553,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,5,13,0,2,5,1,19,5,0,0,0,26,35,12,0,4,6,0,3,3,1,1,5,3,0,0,18,7,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,6,19,9,20,28,1,14,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,6,10,99,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198817212979705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291069471782939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578176883865127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194626701481855,0.0,0.1265272667027223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059353965486746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749414177854698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814291303741459,0.2563396061059591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924072827585075,0.0,0.06248918752589595,0.0,0.0,0.10031982060325616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033873321205894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869047875309385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971969544431259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669156515534732,0.3379249608342196,0.17530031957316528,0.0,0.1056142708299117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201602821438977,0.0,0.13285527954409898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868631798204599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295303254783356,0.0,0.0,0.12737646422642426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291972611188035,0.0,0.0,0.13129144805222898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853464256424469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888479128776272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103497882390505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992881113671351,0.1922695108159494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946089788048688,0.0,0.0,0.0949537872892318,0.06974320826000129,0.1374694782270885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812046086673825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615407241730867,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,captnhoney,2018/01/08,"I feel like I can't go on I feel like my depression, anxiety and whatever else is really getting to me.  I am tired of dealing with my aging parents.  My mom is driving me insane.  They wanting to put my dad in an assisted living place.  My mom can't handle his care no more.  Now she has gone crazy. She telling me today she got cancer.  I dont believe her.  She is worried she will die alone since my dad will be leaving.  I live over a 14 hr drive away and am stuck here. I have 2 autistic kids that need me.  I don't know what to do.  I feel useless and worthless.  Everyone would be better off without me.  I honestly don't know why I am here.   I am thinking about what would anyone do when I am gone.  Mostly trying to find reason to stay.  I cant think of anything.  I am so tired of feeling pain. ",-0.10721556886227646,2.062691856287429,2.292847305389224,93.49627694610784,88.52095808383234,5.016646706586826,21.523652694610767,6.508806274219699,0.41698826347305396,608,22,134,7,20,207,102,167,0.262,0.684,0.054000000000000006,-0.9877,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,0,2,0,25,4,0,1,0,20,42,5,1,4,1,5,4,2,0,4,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,10,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,4,4,34,5,16,32,2,17,0,3,0,0,16,6,0,1,6,91,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393338066382821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291604108003248,0.0,0.0,0.09406738080267472,0.0,0.11070775923441176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639654162894798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157065423492389,0.0,0.11898196159460273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716357948876315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869581562412528,0.11587157193767185,0.0,0.1396222019038392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766962774884755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238360004164023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855037840506986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720921769326193,0.1922183094731953,0.0,0.0,0.1229591289147676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028702764107493,0.0,0.07645721192087794,0.0,0.107596933485927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786971780182975,0.0,0.0,0.14244917320398973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145035053434684,0.0,0.2375871240136609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151227574640713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975322019999094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431507394122511,0.0,0.14938103686395846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055652690982218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352410680494087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861841661805865,0.13832053525838495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128564351454606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339241680866865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758624569906866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724043908555959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30924777224691496,0.12751989846320982,0.0,0.0,0.09133789060102124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935001919246573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139353173497107,0.0,0.0,0.12968332809482253,0.0,0.0,0.1366230187371716,0.0,0.19113428589949488,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rentalthrowaway3811,2018/01/08,"Why continue? I just turned 27 and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me yesterday, the day before my birthday. I feel like I have a dead end job, it's just second tier tech support. That girl pretty much lived with me from the get go and we've spent so much time together. I feel betrayed because my parents didn't like her and said some not nice things. I didn't speak to them for 2 months because of that. Then she tells me one of the reasons that she's breaking up with me is because her parents don't like me. It feels like my life is going nowhere. I went to a boarding school for high school then spent 2 years at a service academy so all the people I know don't live nearby. I don't know what's keeping me together besides my cat.",1.882165898617512,3.718492225806454,2.887857142857147,94.0775,78.35483870967742,5.71889400921659,24.61981566820277,6.5431188927421005,0.6360783410138247,585,21,129,5,14,186,92,155,0.08900000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.105,0.12,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,7,0,8,1,0,1,1,18,23,7,1,0,3,2,3,4,1,0,1,2,0,1,7,6,0,1,6,0,2,3,6,1,0,2,6,5,24,6,14,17,4,18,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,1,14,76,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701522494656877,0.0,0.1257016441400776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526930475751297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308389932205001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22408001038743552,0.21106710365081066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717932484727696,0.0,0.16790910624054073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607777227293868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659257671045411,0.13130325252042874,0.0,0.0,0.16236971982342402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434133231216802,0.2886805615678081,0.0,0.2608847526946038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791132510978132,0.0,0.2171872389130612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010112814324178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280584755702207,0.0,0.0,0.10241273300575356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502876990121387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188415105944084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405186823197062,0.0,0.0,0.2990077232431712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763464513901735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911667143933522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814079351940604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613864156833992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606805256974715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369409749096619,0.13329729730463635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025791801367956
suicidewatch,MousyBren,2018/01/08,"I’m in so much pain I live my life day to day inside of my head, my body goes through the motions for me. I feel like I’m brain dead. I’m pretty much failing out of high school, I’m in my senior year. I don’t even care if I do. I don’t have any goals after high school, I don’t have any motivation. I’m just living with this deep pain inside of me. I don’t even want to be happy anymore, I just want it to be over. ",-1.6769915651358964,-0.0010840412371102561,1.230534208059982,101.94640112464857,90.44329896907215,3.939643861293346,13.972820993439553,4.851557810540192,-1.4317340206185567,316,5,86,1,11,110,53,97,0.146,0.6809999999999999,0.174,-0.0404,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,1,0,9,6,3,1,0,9,18,2,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,14,3,14,16,2,13,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,1,6,48,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310031429120367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844227434496953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866138007035174,0.0,0.18960507437202606,0.0,0.0,0.17317001709221996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907412410771104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436426981210056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587958827281313,0.12133850713497085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080495660555712,0.0,0.0,0.1743117016398533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589047001067821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996773799651975,0.08297851198421073,0.0,0.29995547272596224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24971371552125696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614577001151282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279514167259197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437878298664337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003599531456232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937569779031213
suicidewatch,wormbabey,2018/01/08,"why does everyone spew so much bullshit! i just finished a documentary about teen suicide. i'm 18, so i thought it might strike a chord with me. it was a total circlejerk, pretty much just saying that social media is evil and that if you just tell people that you're depressed and then go to therapy, you'll for sure get better and you will live a happy life. go to college, get married, have kids, the works. all of these things have been proven wrong for me or are things i cannot/will not do. i'm on probably my 8th therapist, meditation and yoga has not gotten rid of my sexual trauma, the outdoors doesn't do shit. why can't people acknowledge that therapy doesn't always work and pills don't always work and even going to the hospital doesn't always work? they just say ""find something that makes you want to keep going"" or ""find a good therapist"" or ""find someone who can help you"". it's like saying ""learn how to fly,"" and that's it. just do it! no instructions required. i'm tired of people telling me that all i need to do is speak up. i have and it's gotten me basically nowhere.

edit: they literally showed a fun little dramatization of someone texting the suicide hotline for help. i've done it more times than i can count and they're basically useless. they give you some links to ""coping mechanisms,"" tell you that what you're going through sounds really hard, and then disconnect. this is basically a comedy at this point.",4.5153463984871935,6.112327978339351,5.2308200103145985,81.05388688327321,70.66064981949458,8.453085783049682,26.908887742822767,8.976282227363876,2.108462059480832,1138,38,215,22,21,368,152,277,0.13,0.758,0.112,-0.8142,1,0,1,0,0,2,41.0,0,7,3,6,10,12,2,0,11,0,25,4,1,2,4,41,43,19,2,3,11,0,1,1,0,3,3,5,0,1,22,11,0,2,7,2,0,5,8,6,0,0,6,6,22,6,21,34,7,14,0,2,0,0,23,5,1,6,5,135,44,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24945011564686226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838025479055815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606984549243192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744970387343197,0.1022634211063514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600303949716342,0.0,0.0,0.09548771128495256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27400352952674484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441894431955633,0.09586227683038558,0.28396354285897984,0.08381681836860379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637769286628093,0.08951794600324466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396238548148842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882266747628223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058374629793747,0.04882091082057247,0.1001564417784864,0.08824031085833016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670427023363103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060102866608226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469205791308581,0.07409707235700655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783732210347267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944664607523981,0.0,0.0,0.10166506966804872,0.10774179575766978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401792728804333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384058243563784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257704614964004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186638536466253,0.16934128607370386,0.07693124901977641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861512002194397,0.0,0.09418315196767676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26203053510306923,0.0,0.2285580792679127,0.23205362699461396,0.1327785397741983,0.0,0.0,0.07933351848891022,0.05827017815642404,0.11485521224519238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894149684437481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034315657389752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291001877198234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925812686958288,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxietystuff,2018/01/08,"""Getting help"" hasn't done me any good. Don't know what to do anymore. I was going to try to focus this post on one thing, but I'm sitting here and realizing there's not one reason I'm tired of life. Obviously my brain is pretty broken - I've been struggling with depression for more than ten years now. 

More than that, my life actually does suck, probably because my mental health is shit. I'm unemployed, likely unemployable, and don't really have any friends. I'm just kind of existing. Professional help has yet to be of any help to me, and yet it seems like ""get help"" is the only advice I've ever gotten. 

I don't know what to do with any of this. I'm incredibly tired. I don't know how to expect things to get better when they consistently don't.",3.2475438596491237,4.763830421052635,4.953947368421055,82.10596491228073,73.73684210526315,8.224561403508767,23.85087719298245,8.841846274778883,1.596485087719298,592,17,122,12,12,201,91,152,0.16399999999999998,0.6659999999999999,0.17,-0.2393,4,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,2,1,1,0,17,7,2,2,2,18,32,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,4,0,3,4,0,9,6,18,27,2,10,0,1,0,0,6,1,2,1,8,72,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.13264033096455516,0.0,0.0,0.1328214713367252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697266676840376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479816769073272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285683081402456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202120231852499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173397954643272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170694776384878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894631730230446,0.1390954662687056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294929181174613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501305224339147,0.0,0.21304101100299425,0.0,0.07724764333124821,0.11400498150766697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444788018355953,0.0,0.0,0.36442278713983706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154191713375214,0.22409764101917776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201155205033252,0.13280931306196364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697747490961884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420862136654564,0.103374857277876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301757684122928,0.1382816075946768,0.1465469779458605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707515697549285,0.13975052326109422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237383454494002,0.0,0.0,0.1395220491187396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420952568799388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180601164136322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124448434796975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228216172828553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752935514177658
suicidewatch,jorreal,2018/01/08,"Why is it wrong? I'm just curious and no i'm not considering it now.

My Grandfather is 92, many say it's amazing he's in his 90's and can still walk around and speak. Not to him, he's in pain, can't move his hands, can't see, can barely hear and it hurts his jaws to speak. 

So far old age looks horrible to me, before this my grandmother was living with us. She passed away earlier at a much younger age of 83, she had Alzheimer's. 83 years old but when I spoke to her it was as if I was speaking to a 10 year old kid. She had forgotten basic things like using the toilet, couldn't pick things up as her finger joints were stiff.

Now my father, he passed away at the age of 60. He was a doctor, he was showing strong signs of Alzheimer's, he too was sometimes dropping things since he couldn't hold them properly. He was well aware what was in stored for him, he was a proud man and well known for giving free treatment to the poor. He didn't want to ever end up like my grandmother, all his life he has been the one to take care of others and been the one to save lives. He didn't want to end up wearing an adult diaper with a servant tailing him all the time because he can't take care of himself. So he OD'd himself many months after he was sure he had Alzheimer's, it was when the muscles in his body started aching(not sure if that's related to Alzheimer's but he would complain about it often during those last few months). My mother and sister hated that decision of his, no one knew he was ever planning it. As for me, it was a shock to me as well but I understood why he did it. 


I would do the same thing if it was me, I wouldn't want to live like that. My Father didn't either and that's why he did it.

 So why is it wrong to commit suicide when you know very well what's in stored for you? Don't get me wrong, my dad was an Atheist so he knew well you only live once, he wasn't expecting to go to heaven or anything for all the good he did in his lifetime. He was very well educated, even the dosage he took was properly measured to kill a man of his size. 

My mother and sister won't explain to me, only says he was selfish to do so. ",2.1082069049355674,3.3292821881838117,3.3297611232676907,93.80002947969852,76.13347921225383,6.4782154145392665,22.32245319717968,6.937597516519254,0.37597938244590295,1668,44,391,16,36,541,199,457,0.119,0.7340000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.9433,0,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,1,3,1,3,25,30,2,0,19,0,49,9,5,2,8,55,74,28,2,12,11,7,2,3,0,4,4,7,0,4,26,12,0,2,7,1,4,6,16,10,6,3,36,11,42,21,53,32,7,46,1,1,2,0,70,15,0,5,27,242,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584563005106245,0.07123042534053971,0.0,0.0,0.15035368753532596,0.0,0.0,0.0487764774572409,0.0,0.06808697788594965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888787656301611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316150510052516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189887085243014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173930180414915,0.0,0.0,0.052849235346884016,0.14475652282429066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180460025067917,0.07675779884826249,0.04547443942224561,0.06711289046286639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899837024289688,0.0,0.0,0.09018286106917173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565784610311937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852488045981663,0.0,0.043974220061297316,0.06522300625891239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651704903567002,0.1172740448983364,0.0,0.2826192848791161,0.0,0.0671925525804614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224555552881242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773461859108734,0.08504341476914767,0.05882032344980805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188724072665203,0.08521349659289325,0.1626609582922988,0.12171021619152607,0.08514173436495003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726247776331187,0.0,0.0,0.06376169494135794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618933815955624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791370044941437,0.0,0.056635117230216275,0.0,0.06390018209406867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752355964548837,0.0,0.15082661653074347,0.0,0.12032283181890295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263397416247115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665746278587764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889974788710509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096248343235923,0.0691073772073128,0.0,0.13204171578620585,0.14158498133528494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316592402186412,0.0,0.28880481861395096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368089794649353,0.2624519342357765,0.0,0.10305423405590966
suicidewatch,needhelpnowta,2018/01/08,"Please Help Me. I've never been this close to actually killing myself. I've never been this close to it. It seems like my life is going absolutely nowhere. I don't want to kill myself, I just want the pain to end. I want to stop feeling so helpless all the time. I just want someone to help me and talk me through this. I want someone to make sure I'm going to be okay, because I have no one. This Isn't a cry for attention or sympathy. This is me asking someone to help me not kill myself. I'm pasting this in a few subreddits in hopes that I can find someone to talk to. If this isn't allowed, or it's a burden, I'm sorry. Happy new year everyone.",1.0794314381270915,2.8862268985507322,3.257246376811594,90.61690635451508,80.73913043478261,5.985284280936455,23.658862876254183,7.010146845296331,0.7790227424749157,504,18,112,6,13,172,74,138,0.125,0.591,0.285,0.9594,1,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,3,0,5,1,10,2,0,2,4,26,25,5,3,7,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,2,1,16,5,15,22,2,14,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,5,9,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.12592038275987266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063110770980973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865906074344793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173982982820135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428746940695055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232992910482314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524440637943463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793643559201702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146668102300924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736106916017238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594700449103808,0.0,0.0,0.12816172115964286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282771724649098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114184182394756,0.06304040186429845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613243650958073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904081541224872,0.12462363473820788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743803615938779,0.0,0.13730324952403694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317932619264405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164262221616325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174693979407025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373266515054435,0.0,0.0,0.14444507756048885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787975427294602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216147681207684,0.0,0.0,0.2074282680876234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524184588005117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805434582333645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830948612841038
suicidewatch,willkingjr,2018/01/08,"Girlfriend left me today. Can't stop thinking about my last attempt My girlfriend just left me today. I realize the reason is valid. Though it hurts, I've improved a lot since my suicide attempt in September. I'm not feeling great but I found something interesting today. When I tried to kill myself I was listening to music. I woke up to one song in particular that made me think that I was actually dead and in hell. That the voice was the devil talking to me directly. This led me to call one of my parents to confirm if I was alive and ultimately saved my life. I went on a hunt for the song in hopes that it would scare me like it did then. Listening to the song now doesn't carry the crippling fear but the memories of my suicide have flooded back. I was pretty sedated when I cut open my arms and didn't feel any pain except when I severed the nerves to my fingers which felt like electricity through my hand. I do remember slopping off chunks of coagulated blood from my arm into the water. I haven't really thought about these things since my attempt. The memories hurt my head. I thought the constant reminder from the scars and the numbness in my hand was enough but this is a new level. I'm not sure if I'll be okay but I've come a long way since 3 months ago. Atleast if I end it now it will be with a clear head. Good luck to anyone dealing with these problems.  If any suicide survivors have had similar experiences please DM me. Anyway, here is the song if anyone's interests.[song](https://youtu.be/6UosfX5u14g) ",4.149504504504507,6.034748364864867,4.767297297297297,82.85045045045045,72.1081081081081,7.500900900900903,28.54954954954956,8.212053250817874,1.9363225225225231,1220,48,235,19,24,390,164,296,0.208,0.633,0.159,-0.9706,1,0,1,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,0,3,12,21,3,2,19,1,22,12,8,3,2,44,39,18,5,8,13,1,6,2,2,2,3,7,0,0,15,9,1,1,11,4,0,3,6,11,0,2,16,13,36,10,30,19,2,35,2,2,0,0,8,13,1,8,20,152,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.1032314184204816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937724904167548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387557711651267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793540569476432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134254351756358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801885458905933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112486798669188,0.0,0.11431657791381747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906023733966763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369458157592754,0.1093047316834365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103478547880496,0.0,0.11903813240038127,0.10697668585387596,0.0,0.1015706990587676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598837449005535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872788436559452,0.0,0.11662892128243628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171329476772108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050689012576312,0.0,0.0,0.2264911974920432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703601651999562,0.0,0.0,0.0862293266972197,0.0,0.0,0.22987257771290864,0.0,0.07471944893054737,0.1033629339367374,0.0,0.0,0.09361686597756616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993507545208762,0.0,0.10009682713282664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443700151839102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021683249428698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336602698941944,0.0,0.11256326332121444,0.0,0.11746231320042172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612074613888937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762191551887464,0.0,0.10122246643149634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776891989336395,0.1087651443293098,0.0,0.0,0.11983438486260416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590977087456052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950753927245035,0.0,0.2625206529752635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143886990685809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844144060208617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34713660338263563,0.0,0.09970161096099887,0.0,0.0,0.0850264026596219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027920620600983,0.13556619354738156,0.10393374701519936,0.16796379036588427,0.0,0.0,0.3008169423715957,0.0,0.0,0.07182143154230289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396763052406804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806424697213303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514700602229603,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TGamv,2018/01/08,"No point After a whole year of seeing doctors, and therapists nothing seems to be helping. I've gone through many different type of medications. They even started me on some sort of machine that is supposed to help. I'm now 3/4 of the way through my treatment for that and I don't feel any better.

When asked if I'm okay, I always respond with yes. I know that my therapist and psychiatrist don't want to hear the problems I have. I know that they would be happier with one less person on their table.

I also lost the job that I was going for. Spent so long trying to go for it and got turned down. Now I'm working part time, only getting 10 hours a week barley able to make my car payment. I had to move back in with my parents just so I don't lose everything.

My parents offered to pay for me to go back to school, but I know that if I go back to school I will fail all my classes and I would have wasted their money so I turned it down.

I had planned to kill myself today, go to a location where my friends and I used to hang out but when I pulled in I noticed they where their. They seemed disgusted when they noticed that I got there so I got back into my car and left. 

I think tomorrow I'm going to do it if I can't find a point to continuing.",1.7663266655645558,3.4319987984790927,3.361580426516781,91.32831542403706,78.12547528517109,6.24691684575963,23.98231112580592,7.079830092131019,0.7755648536948256,976,33,217,11,23,323,138,263,0.115,0.8270000000000001,0.058,-0.9472,4,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,8,6,19,9,2,0,7,2,16,2,0,2,1,35,49,20,1,7,6,2,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,10,12,0,0,8,0,3,12,5,6,0,1,9,3,41,3,37,35,5,45,0,3,1,0,18,13,0,7,19,149,51,9,0.10025667699113086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017522836806762,0.0834215866515627,0.0,0.0,0.06817797830191398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372645933013664,0.0,0.0,0.3083647845233326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866888352621789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474688890977303,0.0,0.10261695713957432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621858960940186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010423669177756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069278826280483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091632786467048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745805994590754,0.0,0.0523799757861215,0.0,0.34186907970052555,0.0,0.2405532696346465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299656140234544,0.0,0.13439987453420854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987326316665888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948928205465714,0.0,0.11091915882820008,0.0,0.1652953432071326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892917289794148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872400424351327,0.0,0.11216157688827992,0.10944200610654907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692211039743529,0.1016445345613245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099805453119824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655698128113718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619898551052114,0.2282857825023669,0.0,0.0,0.06793651899238456,0.07624972059064453,0.0,0.0,0.22264635044169304,0.10856821123954362,0.0,0.0,0.08754026326835226,0.0,0.0,0.18954993115686905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593209992053234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202930219127114,0.07989159128620385,0.1825398267105452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096219199260698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328114585388139,0.0,0.0642404304287282,0.0,0.0,0.058460474596367676,0.0,0.09503160708204693,0.0,0.0,0.0680677026558601,0.21810095027364776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658957921030712,0.0,0.0,0.059133985650300966,0.07957908363136651,0.0804198588927531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119329994882524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729880549008033,0.0,0.0,0.1424389336598223,0.0,0.0,0.0645620129380157
suicidewatch,drueburgendy,2018/01/08,Thoughts are coming back... Just got out of the hospital three weeks ago for attempted suicide. I was feeling better but now I am starting to get the urge again. I can't escape the hatred I have for myself and I constantly beating myself up over everything. I don't know what to do.   ,3.1669090909090905,5.349566418181824,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,75.72727272727272,7.309090909090909,27.363636363636363,8.238735603445708,2.0562,223,9,41,4,5,73,43,55,0.149,0.716,0.135,-0.1962,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,14,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,8,1,8,11,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903900068068998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189756250235346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28972796831629577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28219098071650706,0.0,0.3540099200842338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944180234961493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564005283012134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115298356590314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26200476541273765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003566397820897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187087618183175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583318169724693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600709760980548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627740578507585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peanutz_20,2018/01/08,"i need help. how do i get help? it’s been a really really bad week for me emotionally/mentally. like i’ve been feeling depressed on and off since i was 9, but now i just feel like it is reaching new heights. i almost killed myself last night by slitting my wrists but decided that that was too painful and unreliable of a way to go. so i held off and after spending all day wishing i hadn’t i realized that i’m reaching an end point. i can only struggle and hurt for so long. i’m 17. which makes a lot of adults invalidate my problems claiming i don’t know about the real world. well what the fuck am i in right now? i’m so stressed about my future, but they act like because i’m not yet an adult the problems don’t hurt. i’m going to have to go to college soon. i can’t afford that. i’m going to have to be on my own soon. i can’t handle that. i already feel so alone. i’m not close to any of the friends i talk to in school and i’m surely not close to my parents. my parents constantly belittle my problems. i’ve tried to talk to them about my anxiety, depression, and stress problems but they don’t care. i tell them i can’t sleep but they don’t care. even worse than not caring they make jokes about it, laughing at me. like what? i guess they just really don’t believe in these sort of problems. so how am i suppose to get help if my parents won’t let me. i need help now. i’m scared of what might happen if i don’t get the help i need.",0.5936209936728538,2.4817265241157567,2.588818587283477,94.37058603879268,82.7942122186495,5.684928949279121,21.929364173840884,6.828538100315305,0.3994996577118553,1123,37,262,13,31,376,146,311,0.229,0.606,0.165,-0.9839,4,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,7,0,22,29,2,4,10,0,25,4,2,4,2,49,58,20,1,11,13,3,3,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,13,8,0,1,6,1,1,5,15,17,1,0,6,3,42,12,34,48,3,36,0,4,0,1,21,14,1,7,20,162,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874092857444548,0.0904071073884709,0.09632774328734596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936084508703316,0.0,0.06677734429572674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288430416798743,0.0532117580715823,0.0,0.0,0.0983470181786638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669968493609061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094330515413697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056295446805618765,0.0,0.1503671492251019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731387986605959,0.0,0.0,0.05765485480192329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241079419101753,0.06236067816508972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744077797129494,0.08069908450812623,0.1368177689810678,0.0,0.1984378532540497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616083201291367,0.0,0.07719110628299858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925464472051481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868935528510732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657451230407003,0.0,0.04797282791360955,0.07115378171359373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926091916830962,0.0,0.1705838122669317,0.0,0.0,0.07724975135046809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421165132812937,0.0,0.0,0.11653478519435545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260191244984503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941754189142038,0.0,0.08430615162466375,0.0,0.08191665126263045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638870738975469,0.09288373427118164,0.0,0.2907788375427291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251817067553634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41762829172192095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935622114987397,0.16776246960585098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454600157479642,0.0,0.0,0.08739347744887571,0.0883431102029622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220798287764847,0.0,0.08735399894584073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999829959801961,0.0912554626809939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227069530210418,0.0,0.0,0.14032233177416034,0.07629614519841911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059264830865061235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928749976555096,0.07001954156683708,0.0,0.0784850548778458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038029428836703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895694414553679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soskin_,2018/01/08,"Too scared to tell my friends and family I'm just scared to tell them ""don't be surprised if you find me dead one morning"" I just know it's going to happen sooner then later ",0.7620270270270275,2.9308262162162184,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,84.13513513513513,4.781081081081081,17.35810810810811,5.985473137389443,-0.4051567567567562,138,3,30,1,4,45,31,37,0.274,0.653,0.07200000000000001,-0.8256,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28103255300932306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724680856546268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303198464839029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942337141158575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636186041120411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638340288002625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200775278781655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969223047304355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211243694992044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Lonely_Sandbox,2018/01/08,"How to survive high school I know it's dumb because I'm only 14 and have severe depression and ""life isn't even hard yet"" but I've cut for the second time today. I'm a loser, a failure in the eyes of all, the reason my brothers are ruined in my mom's eyes. Nothing of worth. I'm average at best, and just ugly, inside and out. I see no reason to live, when all that happens is I get yelled at. But if I try to talk about it I'm ""overreacting."" Am I Reddit? Does my depression even count? ",-0.61496703296703,1.479478228571434,2.2819047619047663,93.08835164835169,90.5238095238095,4.754578754578755,17.600732600732602,6.297961479604792,-0.16815750915750938,374,10,84,4,13,131,71,105,0.305,0.638,0.058,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,2,0,5,0,5,3,2,3,2,15,13,9,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,0,5,8,1,12,13,3,10,0,4,3,0,3,6,1,1,4,51,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472945308555412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147274587365044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35246368405363904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905716351808634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702883260311375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690121955400388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809375374667262,0.0,0.18329198139430075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618359883641705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244929326677283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445233642057948,0.0,0.0,0.1806759665317403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963886518401806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633053884796625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561649274285586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207500133308471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070780635488342,0.1630491120400269,0.0,0.0,0.2311530916089177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644592128899026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119310785014021,0.0,0.1939480601275772,0.0,0.0,0.1389179799521543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,view2,2018/01/08,"failing at life I called in sick tomorrow.

Been crying constantly, feeling the lowest I've ever felt since I first got diagnosed...

I've been working as a housekeeper for less than a week, and I already know I'm going to quit. After looking around for a job for so long, I set myself up for failure, choosing to accept the first job that came along - one I knew I couldn't do...

I'm so low right now... I feel so stupid and worthless. Been depressed for months and this is just another kick when I'm down...

I wish I could see light at the end of this tunnel. Everyone else keeps telling me over and over, ""just stick with it, it gets easier."" Does it?",1.7216153846153863,3.900509161538462,2.9238461538461564,91.91115384615387,80.46153846153845,6.1538461538461515,22.30769230769231,7.321109707123232,0.7689230769230773,501,16,106,7,13,161,89,130,0.215,0.735,0.05,-0.9731,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,5,9,6,1,0,6,0,7,3,0,0,1,22,23,9,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,5,0,3,7,6,11,1,21,14,1,25,0,4,2,0,2,10,0,0,12,67,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692436608181784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761855850226888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079163244976165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296454565534028,0.19373526057620774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830487375093813,0.0,0.1352428936245028,0.0,0.1860652578551056,0.0,0.0,0.14589402330639134,0.17192571059576728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823297360478413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415023140667394,0.0,0.1500278890597395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322155020182684,0.0,0.16185792243470207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129577919356884,0.0,0.16263947513080207,0.0,0.0,0.2881634571448861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849847358867201,0.0,0.09626735938238966,0.0,0.13547541695676668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361837980308069,0.15056023680279548,0.0,0.0,0.09309146192861743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964407126011604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499034474221009,0.14224363596924508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520424429317182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114781997156762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180165466429454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465681030994845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498066341742027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401198757993148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805297091989789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587319679729132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478835729585894,0.0,0.0,0.1233168086083525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DustSiren,2018/01/08,"I don't have a reason to live I'm constantly spiraling down a very dark path.. and I don't know what to do. I don't want to die, it would hurt my family and my best friend so much if I did end it.

I'll hurt them more if I end it, but even as I exist I'm only a burden and annoying to them. I'm just a worthless piece of shit. Need something, anything, to cling on to... I need a reason to live, otherwise I won't be able to take this much longer.

If anyone can come with a tip or something to help me find a reason to live, I'll be forever grateful..",1.33614695340502,1.8725201774193567,3.867204301075269,91.87636200716848,77.06451612903227,7.446594982078854,21.842293906810035,7.793537801064563,0.6155799283154129,418,10,106,6,9,148,70,124,0.179,0.736,0.085,-0.9069,0,0,2,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,2,1,3,8,2,0,7,0,11,1,1,3,0,20,20,10,1,7,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,13,2,15,15,5,6,0,3,0,0,4,2,1,4,3,67,18,0,0.14994230267927186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484314436553473,0.0,0.12338973919286865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735519595695782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916201695936744,0.0,0.16203436121737616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556164373444723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656087498810571,0.0,0.0,0.09903547678012288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135225844281574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370445482150048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584505110204175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050316483782523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32103267239725464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240436822254596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972054010083829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204496901034629,0.22236063504932305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403787784651735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624969800286138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539136189714847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23086582024124355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127379510650022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371810293867735,0.08843985499133918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651470976852337,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,camwall10,2018/01/08,"Constant thoughts of suicide Some background. I'm 20, got a part time job, broken family, girlfriend of 1 month who I'm serious with but lives an hour and a half away and goes to uni.

I've suffered woth depression and all that shit for 6 years or so and I've exhausted every recourse and I'm lost. I don't kmow where to go, I have no friends, my family are either on the opposite side of the county or about to die. I just need a friend, someone to talk to, someone to help me. 

I've tried the Samaritans a few times and they are as useful as a colinder condom. It's 3am and I've had a few panic attacks. I know so many ways I could easily end my own life and it scares me how easy it is. Please help me.",0.917387218045114,2.5950955131578937,3.083759398496241,92.29131578947369,80.71052631578948,6.711278195488722,22.04135338345865,7.7094869923839395,0.8044590225563915,546,17,127,9,14,186,102,152,0.252,0.588,0.16,-0.952,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,11,2,2,10,0,7,4,1,2,1,22,17,16,2,2,5,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,4,0,11,2,16,12,7,13,0,3,0,1,8,4,1,3,7,74,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526904948789785,0.1530059622155265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598647756305455,0.0,0.13002504572418225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026524087814662,0.0,0.16901593250597896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442396166785424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721086275063124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30704704696013624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25163998960948925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255323862113583,0.0,0.13024859800186048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831416288326352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037761870132286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616066934801419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949987144911586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150280463490867,0.0,0.0,0.14380237802093565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777735286600651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510760557865264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998788753465496,0.0,0.0,0.12075360009139155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910731665137703,0.0,0.17635416874188728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787639330874927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304448449966444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716649140508974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27597001186474496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813499195940344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130895250513934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928726683419398,0.18992204594678885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056664729935198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065289543779086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926530687777554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487213516731228
suicidewatch,Seth1996,2018/01/08,"I’m ending it this weekend No matter how hard I try, I can never adjust to adulthood. I miss Mrs.Sonju and Mrs.Zachman as teachers from middle school. I miss all my friends. Before I leave this planet I’m going to visit them and be on my way. 

Our mental health system is just bad, people kicked you down when you show a moment of weakness and so much more but I’m going to be taking my leave. I didn’t ask to be born in this cruel cold and harsh world that we have created ourselves. If we take what the planet provides we’ll be locked away. You have to work your ass off just to afford the basic human necessities like food clothing and shelter. It’s basically sweatshop labor in this country. 

A human male like myself who is introverted,quiet and shy will never fit in this kind of society. 

I’m pretty much done. I’ll finish this work week and be on my way.

",2.313550000000003,4.307895137142862,3.981910714285714,85.99515178571433,77.62857142857143,5.517857142857144,20.651785714285715,6.322622252153567,0.31872142857142816,679,17,131,5,16,227,113,175,0.172,0.7390000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9112,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,4,4,1,2,5,9,1,0,4,0,14,4,1,1,3,19,25,13,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,3,11,9,1,0,1,2,0,3,4,5,0,0,2,2,20,4,18,16,4,26,0,2,0,1,16,11,1,1,11,87,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629389158320082,0.0,0.16375249198591738,0.0,0.1455260249476082,0.0,0.0,0.14830913007031798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836059785057706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437043323144414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107538325862276,0.0,0.13465709043357368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810761941720315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613084517180054,0.0,0.0,0.18526359027655484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149765508620846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36909881857312704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702999322213403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564472065354966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562484419827935,0.0,0.2688485191366053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083169988835815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773169957580025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639218493070755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620908589091768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833240851289907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766887750262073,0.13980603463524832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537724057693079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,godisawayonbusiness,2018/01/08,"I feel so broken and done TW TW: suicidal thoughts I'm stuck and scared guys. You know that first question they always ask you, any thoughts of hurting yourself or others? well I always answer no with the addendum of ""thoughts, however I would never want my family to find me like that or deal with the pain."" 

But recently the thoughts are getting worse, my mind won't stop racing, heart pounding, I'm crying one minute then angry, I'm getting little to no sleep, my paranoia of being watched by my neighbor and others is getting worse (ya, stupid I know can't help it). My psych doc I saw just last week and told him I'm really really struggling and don't think the meds have been working I'm so depressed and anxious and I've been waiting for them to ""kick in fully"" for almost six months. 

He did not address my anxiety, I brought up my meds not working three goddamn times and finally he said let's wait another month and see if it gets better. I can't wait another month, I'm in pain so bad mentally and physically. I'm tired of this, I cut my hair super short again so I would stop pulling it now but now my skin picking has doubled and that gives me anxiety about getting help because I'm worried they will think I'm on drugs cause the picking. 

I went to a inpatient facility in July last year and it didn't help at all I have been so scared of them doing nothing while I sit in a strange place for another ten days not getting better. Last time the psych doc took me off my anxiety meds as soon as I got checked in because he didn't like them and despite many freak out the clinic left me to cry hidden in the corner of my room for hours multiple days.

Psych doc kept trying to put me back on seroquel even though I told him it makes me freak out he wanted me to try it anyways I did it did nothing but make me panic cry and my heart felt like it would burst (my BPM was 168 thought I was dying). I want to go hide for the rest of my life I want this misery to end. But I'm kinda stuck right now and it's making me panic more out of indecision. 

My mother is very ill, can't walk well and I help her, my brother is also mentally sick and I keep him together when he gets nuts. My mom is struggling right now, goes to court regarding disability soon so she's nuts and we were talking and I'm saying it's getting very hard for me daily to even live. 

She said she knows and is very sorry and shed suggest more but she's crazy right now and can't deal with the added stress and I told her OK. But I don't know if I can. I'm so tired of fixing everything else besides myself, I feel guilty about needing help, feeling suicidal, feel like a failure. I want help but I'm scared they won't do anything or flat out ignore me again. I'm very scared and unstable but I feel so fucking guilty if I leave to get help because my family needs me to take care of things they are like little children if I am not around (I am in my mid 20s now) they can't do shit it seems.

Sorry I'm frustrated and rambling but at my wits end and could really use some advice. Thanks.",2.42535920480924,4.039567712933756,3.6484691387417416,90.21096750193443,76.12933753943217,6.677650139872628,24.42283197428725,7.427112045954479,0.9799801559430984,2406,79,519,30,53,783,283,634,0.246,0.67,0.084,-0.9988,1,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,1,3,8,6,31,36,5,10,13,1,44,16,6,7,2,110,122,57,3,15,21,3,9,5,1,6,9,3,3,2,19,35,0,8,21,0,1,7,18,23,2,5,31,15,83,13,55,82,6,72,0,2,3,1,52,29,2,13,40,304,102,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053205285988411496,0.0,0.0,0.05452112099211817,0.0,0.0,0.04354149806872033,0.090609055390612,0.0,0.0,0.037026041222283236,0.1712782711213653,0.12495614065044405,0.06150996804540406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044805500965694835,0.04846965377819951,0.05090088960116422,0.0,0.0,0.041866624339830544,0.045461233690738366,0.09957173343707734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630845086186454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055512666282307416,0.055932390624032415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347175054375425,0.0,0.17942345636571772,0.07022802761637273,0.112265581813943,0.04689539255651541,0.0,0.05650771676255169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571850686517469,0.0,0.0,0.06314159942654161,0.0,0.045483745087207934,0.0,0.0964483203963244,0.0,0.0,0.07192387599707806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048933735865242925,0.0,0.10265616563567173,0.0,0.13765099190675145,0.038897172656568585,0.05227796080053994,0.05964437212903551,0.04976385943885271,0.04631285825490026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033566528942653,0.2560182733318477,0.05223082576252063,0.03094366380681297,0.0,0.043546491596868984,0.0,0.0,0.053911401963562366,0.0,0.0,0.04877409962405747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904066066306447,0.25546421242616396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361963761792857,0.0,0.05828697672596313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839527520220015,0.0,0.0,0.11969128143472553,0.13314548593367434,0.0,0.05765184492660105,0.05915716696919384,0.05567606842219077,0.038457748725043546,0.13300103914434755,0.10914102674156406,0.048077976593721206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903201649445507,0.055201031482943516,0.0,0.0,0.18143607781642115,0.0,0.10974017458458338,0.0,0.05497626688250822,0.06376803717963846,0.13037798192979586,0.0,0.0,0.08074398822467707,0.041993125835321735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044873342322147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036894909696080606,0.0,0.11587156378794945,0.12776438545404065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688585556914792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473458994196559,0.060993453561652415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046410324191146,0.0,0.05376015490859549,0.0,0.0,0.1394931283349131,0.10358372959351747,0.04329869017806432,0.218045042575554,0.0,0.04338746067208839,0.049566790603288884,0.0,0.0,0.055889386334475794,0.0,0.0,0.054486636117761486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189862276693905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104078652179046,0.062369215280392874,0.11384031066374035,0.0,0.11911305072715918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093760476645333,0.04376268930352454,0.0,0.05012777234911249,0.0,0.0,0.036172376691087665,0.06977528182658167,0.053494210462902314,0.216125431104332,0.0634973343648879,0.125158357949505,0.0,0.15608022807795555,0.06049297025052072,0.07393230562752671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702499852758155,0.0,0.17969894796611147,0.16057218509986845,0.0,0.04367435181588079,0.0,0.09790934994202326,0.050473206413371725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927658744951516,0.05529389123487674,0.11097293093155364,0.11603343104408075,0.0,0.0,0.035062285681906835
suicidewatch,emthegem12,2018/01/08,"Advice or info needed for potential suicide I'm 18, 132 pounds, around 5'6"". What would happen if I took 30 (200) mg pills of Advil? Also, should I just go to the ER or call 911 if I feel like I will end up taking them?",0.9801063829787218,2.323159723404256,3.052074468085109,94.10875,79.42553191489361,5.5510638297872354,16.00531914893617,5.985473137389443,-0.6601872340425534,165,2,39,1,4,56,41,47,0.103,0.845,0.053,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,10,5,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,1,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033876765966164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828273524330546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763841105639999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170245678319344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27498425478870864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569829532535732,0.22179981968378312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644724754943628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745475828443661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167995247587976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302095603053886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396037728311312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23343479063771985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34494357757481275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054896988784706,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paleandtired,2018/01/08,"back to school... school is what really fucks me up. it does NOT help my battle with OCD, i hate it. the teachers, pupils, atmosphere... even my friends don't seem to care about me

and i never did any work thanks to worrying about bigger things like ocd. the dead line has passed. they have already sent it off for marking. i'm in large trouble when i get back from this 2 week holiday

i would get a job so i can leave school but i'm TOO SCARED. i'm RIDICULOUSLY socially anxious, and if i wasn't i'd have left a year ago... can barely speak to any one...

i just want to die, ocd alone is bad enough",0.7738275434243178,2.8622360725806466,1.9283870967741947,98.22604218362284,83.43548387096773,5.750868486352358,18.40942928039702,7.010146845296331,-0.06774987593052151,459,11,109,6,13,145,89,124,0.287,0.636,0.077,-0.9835,1,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,1,9,11,4,1,4,0,11,1,0,0,1,11,23,6,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,7,0,1,3,1,12,4,13,19,1,14,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,2,8,61,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111907854146505,0.0,0.0,0.16488071563989634,0.17567852470876913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651967199621286,0.0,0.0,0.17984798895639464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448262755185733,0.13292335721456935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623125764772109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652219882923809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931490400071198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449369049318308,0.0,0.10514852199626616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299568094174528,0.14717562799582645,0.16634836436712308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571746841110005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670680429102006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579790663652484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856728590757006,0.17296867239328895,0.0,0.0,0.07777591235802601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278301341175445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787642267461196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019860674127209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938458291905636,0.4833494507084352,0.0,0.1449275278836745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228191828433394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656777322981338,0.0,0.0,0.10576382024557672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389887684945096,0.0,0.12769872254302236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158977583405392,0.16167290369628534,0.0,0.11308941671364152,0.0,0.0,0.10251804331048912
suicidewatch,queequeg092S,2018/01/08,"I just want my life back I feel like so many things have been stolen from me. I've been abused for years and I have no idea how I'd ever break myself of having awful people in my life. I feel like I did something to deserve the way I'm treated, but it makes me want to die.

 

I want to be able to read again,play around with makeup, go hiking, write, play music, draw, paint, and trust. I have no energy to do the things I enjoyed, and when I do try, I break down because I can't stop thinking about all the horrible things that have happened recently, and forever ago. 

 

I don't remember the last time I felt truly happy or secure. And even when I did, I was being betrayed behind my back, like an idiot. I can't trust anyone, I don't have anyone. I was promised the world and left with nothing but a broken soul. I gave everything up believing that I was making an investment, and I've lost everything.

 

I've had an attempt a few times a month up until lately, now it's more like at least once a week. I wondered why I couldn't do it. I feel like I get so close, but I can't shake that instinct to live. I realized that it's because I don't want to die, I just want my life back. 
 

I guess deep down, I don't want to die, I just know that I can never be the same, so I know I have to go. I've been through too much and I'm not strong enough to keep going and continue being hurt by everyone I love. Every time I try to get back up and brush myself off, someone hurts me. Every single time, without failure. I'm hurt, then told to go to therapy and promised a better life. I go to therapy, and then when I'm doing better, someone strikes again.

 


Yet, I'm so lonely. It's easier to be around people who you know you can't trust, than to find new people and wonder when they'll hurt you. I wish that I could have someone who I could trust completely, someone who would treat me kindly and with respect, someone who would just smile at me and hold me, but I know I can't have that. Especially not now. I'm just a broken person. This ""life"" experiment was a failure, I feel like it's reasonable to call it quits at this rate.

 

I don't know when I will do it, but I'm determind. ",2.6550506912442384,3.74661239139785,4.258955453149003,88.19129032258068,74.54838709677419,7.550844854070661,24.038402457757297,8.052868069273773,1.1506725038402457,1722,50,380,26,35,578,195,465,0.14,0.621,0.239,0.9928,0,2,1,0,1,3,80.0,0,3,1,6,29,32,1,1,16,1,47,6,0,4,3,77,90,34,3,12,14,0,5,6,0,4,5,0,0,1,24,21,0,4,18,2,1,6,17,8,0,0,14,6,61,24,42,64,8,57,1,6,0,1,14,16,0,4,38,251,85,1,0.06298889851924043,0.07463154472439107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583585800464647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409490671374679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808660481898384,0.0,0.0,0.11214694820822396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373829955451172,0.0,0.07679489579102029,0.0,0.0,0.0709669186482066,0.0,0.11141712400344916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431870796919374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604266168347894,0.0,0.0,0.10058302002858538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611759599524456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508437016429999,0.0,0.04160357340950797,0.0569770648931496,0.10614172738275357,0.060188591865078515,0.11322072088294093,0.06161522937381681,0.0,0.0,0.12739631878386032,0.17999712675168955,0.06047922055682878,0.0,0.05757071210647364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581819941078146,0.0,0.1789902130411017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938937315015427,0.0,0.0557008749365324,0.06705285374754008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26972367452893153,0.07110679939314356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055987427168965986,0.0,0.0655932448149338,0.1730852566208327,0.05134435930947575,0.07105422113300565,0.0,0.0684376225441844,0.0,0.2224546091358815,0.18463916474604347,0.0,0.05562035140260644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875982351776283,0.0,0.056849940164405074,0.0,0.08409115775681182,0.06386085659995579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027713784891241,0.0,0.046304088007195265,0.0,0.048580921680458064,0.06083507069855295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060439546949198626,0.0,0.0,0.0670811211877319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100571357382695,0.05499947659192443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669964470319866,0.06300594420974323,0.0,0.0,0.06476307846401325,0.062193938250411765,0.0,0.07135414307037534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668514465432537,0.048491931439262836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266153961825593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406658998738087,0.0,0.1255410758834948,0.040360742790881164,0.0,0.0,0.14691733307949134,0.0,0.0,0.060188591865078515,0.0,0.08553065478934825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291490599640784,0.04999765575268097,0.050525894960346436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568376836171839,0.0,0.07243412470019403,0.06071905040846232,0.13661754703519713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949101253656226,0.0,0.0,0.040562785474231464
suicidewatch,SwingingHearts,2018/01/08,"Not even sad, just tired I don’t even feel sad, necessarily, I just feel empty. I don’t even have a particularly bad life, but I just want it to stop. I don’t want to have to wake up or worry about anything anymore. I did tons of psychedelics last year and it definitely fucked with my head a bit. I feel like I’ve already peaked and I’ve been riding the falling action ever since, and I’m only 17. I’m tired of monotony and I just wish there was an easy, painless way out",0.4953545454545463,2.6412453900000017,2.351454545454548,94.3957272727273,85.1,4.836363636363637,19.090909090909093,6.11248444174946,-0.2896999999999994,369,10,86,3,11,122,64,100,0.213,0.58,0.206,-0.42,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,4,0,8,6,2,0,1,21,17,6,0,3,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,3,3,9,1,9,14,2,10,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,5,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979011258902103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853713740871206,0.0,0.0,0.15644358601586064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873315262627094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754989282228906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37669579087257776,0.17196455947233666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28837461019378363,0.13581397473785176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575279402413552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951067769170199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496428513124288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427967528471985,0.0928777005462276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445865326294404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726020708841776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893971510415913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370048747467144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426253839375102,0.15089974996576289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186160759279612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930650130701185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242402356330855
suicidewatch,24decouleur,2018/01/08,"I dont want to be alive anymore Winter break is over, it was horrible, I stayed in bed till 12 most days, and did nothing when I was awake. Now school is starting again tomorrow, I’ll have to study again, and do homework every day, and spend 7 hours every day, except saturday and sunday, stuck in a place filled with annoying inconsiderate kids. I dont want to go back, and I dont really want to do anything anymore. I think im going to kill myself tonight. i donr know what to do",3.641020408163264,4.645247183673472,4.9210204081632645,84.71683673469387,72.06122448979592,8.048979591836735,26.244897959183675,8.418075326091056,1.6026367346938777,376,12,79,6,7,125,65,98,0.201,0.773,0.027000000000000003,-0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,1,0,13,0,0,0,0,13,22,7,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,12,17,1,25,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,16,47,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229192827089349,0.0,0.0,0.13397533047067706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518763791783225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149888854745045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.572421679264044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743418759454261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505261609128867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033095300240266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585823971273706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801205350344999,0.0,0.08947382932373539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562165898388138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009744640103494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429758695535732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476819708152676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523480816083904,0.17352935839170153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043194054292384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880812993872077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myndsplyntur,2018/01/08,"Missed My Opportunity My husband shot himself on November 28. When I found him I panicked and backed out of the room.

I missed my opportunity. I should have picked up the gun, loaded another round and blown my fucking brains out too.

Now the police have the gun and they won't give it back to me until the case is closed. The case won't be closed until the toxicology report comes back which could be another month or two.

I'm thinking I may just go out to a gun range at this point or buy some drugs to OD on - since I'm not a user it won't take too much.",3.5231034482758616,4.2588235517241415,4.815000000000001,86.3675,72.10344827586206,7.8689655172413815,23.98275862068965,8.07648339933343,0.9894000000000004,436,11,99,6,8,145,74,116,0.126,0.8170000000000001,0.058,-0.7845,0,0,1,3,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,8,5,1,0,9,0,11,3,1,1,0,20,22,8,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,5,1,1,1,0,4,9,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,1,2,13,2,13,13,2,21,0,2,1,1,5,11,1,4,8,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504509729966607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954795314035866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397760829860178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502210912346184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149191373282927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24908759335354336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23550556676895398,0.0,0.1985694033832534,0.0,0.20604563087113895,0.12206980528181326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144290525913564,0.0,0.15789497399760954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030454746691548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767606865576024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149495010492354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376284191689536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981810146726235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aabd1713,2018/01/08,"My feelings are invalid, I am nothing. I believe at my most core that I am worthless.I am not smart, all I do is lie all day. I am not funny, people laugh out of courtesy. I am not charming, people just pretend to smile. I am not competent, I am just lucky. I am not a leader, there was just no one else that cared. I am utterly worthless, whether to my family, friends, and even strangers. I am completely worthless.

I am not smart, all I do is lie all day. I am not funny, people laugh out of courtesy. I am not charming, people just pretend to smile. I am not competent, I am just lucky. I am not a leader, there was just no one else that cared. I am utterly worthless, whether to my family, friends, and even strangers. I am completely worthless.

I hate compliments, because they are lies to me. I can never believe anyone, regardless of who they are. I am not cool, I am not smart, I am not cute, I am absolutely nothing worthwhile. I luckily don’t care too much, since my self esteem is irrelevant.

In the deepest parts of myself, I am irreparably broken. My cousin’s violation changed who I am on the most fundamental level. I will never be who I was meant to be because of that. My parents scorn and hatred reinforced that. Love is beautiful, love is necessary, love is the greatest truth. I learned this from what I have seen in my life. Love is so precious when used at the right times, love is the key to any meaning in life. I am so broken inside, love can no longer affect me. I desperately needed it then from my parents, my sisters, and my friends. But no one was there for those moments, they were only there for the fallout. I could have been saved, I could have become myself but no one was there. I am sad about that, because the truth is I need other people. I am not blaming anyone, because I know my choices lead to this. But I was mentally ill, I was destined to fail.

It hurts to be alone, and to truly feel your loneliness. It sucks a lot, I came back after a few hours to reread this. I was stuck and I gave up on my last thought, now I forgot what that was. So I guess I’ll start again from the beginning.

I am worthless, I believe this with my entire existence. Everything about me is worthless, that hurts. People may love me, but I will never love myself. I don’t deserve love, or happiness; what I deserve is pain for my worthlessness. Since I don’t love myself, I can never truly love other people. But I need them, I need love desperately. Otherwise I would be left with just myself, and all my pain what is that worth?

I am so empty, so broken, so worthless that I don’t deserve love. But I still seek it out, because I am still selfish. I hope that love can fix me, but nothing can fix me. The pieces that I am looking for, have already been stolen. My mother, My father, My sisters, My cousin, My bullies, Myself. They all took a part and I can never get that back. From my youngest age, who I was meant to be was stolen I will never have the chance to be that person. That hurts, it hurts a lot, knowing you can never be happy. The decisions of a few people in my life, took away my everything and left me with a burgeoning pain.

Do you know how much it hurts? To have died without a headstone Because no one ever knew you existed An unmarked grave For a little boy who wasn’t sexually abused For a little boy who wasn’t physically abused For a little boy who wasn’t emotionally abused For the person I could have, and deserved to be. I will never be that person That hurts, it hurts a lot…. I am worthless, because I have been dead for a long time I will never be that person I will never have any worth. That hurts, it just hurts. I want to cry, but I am dead. I am dead, but why does it hurt so much?

Dignity, Pride, Humanity all those things were taken from me. I have none of any of those, and I am worthless because of that. I feel fake because I have nothing to me, if I still had any semblance of myself left. Then my feelings would be real, I could be real, my life could be real. But I died a long time ago, my feelings aren’t valid, that’s why I can’t hate my sexual abuser, my mother, my father, my sisters. I can’t hate anybody because I am no one, they already killed me. I am dead, I am dead, I am dead, I am dead, I am dead. I died a long time ago and I will never come back. Maybe I should just kill myself. Just a rant, please don't respond with positive things. I don't want any consoling, I just want to know if anyone else feels like this.",2.3183214467651543,4.048597722958057,3.7486092715231782,88.87518593988794,76.73730684326709,6.45630837154016,24.529291900152828,7.270904186954874,0.9973572083545592,3451,117,726,41,78,1137,268,906,0.292,0.578,0.13,-0.9996,3,1,0,0,4,1,156.0,0,4,6,5,39,76,7,0,30,1,135,22,0,4,21,134,194,38,14,19,41,11,6,1,3,11,8,0,0,9,53,21,0,1,17,2,2,5,46,35,0,6,32,9,155,41,64,133,21,67,0,23,2,14,56,21,1,12,42,562,208,3,0.0,0.17233895855886575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446800514646586,0.0,0.0,0.037661565446313966,0.08025593812051886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236419578489302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627850492150208,0.037258649670330934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03416465637161799,0.08388374070280545,0.0,0.22166820364190595,0.040160571342795034,0.0,0.122907460549653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159009713522609,0.11122487608145418,0.0,0.03846770632245016,0.03132389057936027,0.07625276668879198,0.0,0.0,0.14516627138402516,0.0,0.039943540090063887,0.04690283132473436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132185538089323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031821898360320934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911309841490625,0.04090398457073438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803542885384399,0.032892820528131014,0.0,0.0,0.06536224459880785,0.0,0.06856044494878254,0.0,0.11031871133307278,0.025978054489668945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428292907555705,0.0,0.018998400714072817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005843758129342,0.0,0.0,0.07741913306180252,0.0,0.10770412954317322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611710874322803,0.035810671383582564,0.0,0.38927823129824185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046153495337717,0.0,0.07993760005393408,0.029641063453612757,0.0,0.0,0.11852697782551888,0.0,0.10273831476133946,0.017765343885430124,0.10933718363481,0.0,0.0965415214656502,0.03053613791951698,0.0,0.0,0.0927447092637475,0.4594720411304699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036531971057229495,0.03961045514045754,0.0,0.0,0.03664580277125448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019395485160791,0.10785214361638852,0.30850306083957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395668361878403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784488059406678,0.027656040774669047,0.11607981733518805,0.0,0.08075461127528663,0.07875614110098396,0.0,0.2016786898529397,0.12700464062667585,0.0,0.039916146123574664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416869425727058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0310541858728714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03793500679747475,0.0,0.0,0.06016043984700421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02573823562900013,0.0,0.08711968954461757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831651806667859,0.0,0.0,0.028868515845114517,0.08481527573450652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080225734065385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03140634371839929,0.0,0.0,0.06434431125695463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562471162601079,0.0,0.0,0.03505306620250667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166310022754048,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dreamtheft,2018/01/08,"Considering.. I don't know i'v been thinking for a while now about killing myself, Thinking tonight may be the night or next weekend. I made a  concoction which should give me liver failure which i assume is nasty but should do the trick,  Not sure but i guess i'm posting here  to  ask should i make out a suicide note or not?  I know some people have but is it like necessary?",2.632065637065637,4.840345797297296,3.0436679536679527,92.0698648648649,77.51351351351352,5.850193050193052,25.43629343629344,6.868970318607317,0.909434749034749,295,11,61,3,7,91,54,74,0.228,0.73,0.042,-0.9225,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,5,0,11,1,1,2,1,22,21,6,2,3,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,8,2,4,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,6,7,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484716051432292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549636601021801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29279038481110764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29404995806043405,0.0,0.29213521662159736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298483462307018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514906837705081,0.17741248638714466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826636659987504,0.2494197205199093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426074747176788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25454703225158193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907239061987553,0.0,0.2504977133823636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406065475597385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sky2blue,2018/01/08,"When i feel like self-harming I do intense exercises that hurt My mental health is getting better, so I get that many people with severe depression mightn't have the motivation to do this. But whenever I have the urge to self harm I try to hurt myself with rigorous exercise. It's obviously a safe alternative, but exercise also does help improve your mood. 
Just a tip that y'all might find useful :)",4.085942857142856,6.603478813333336,5.580571428571428,74.13600000000002,74.2,9.085714285714287,28.04761904761905,9.606745405546679,3.0885619047619053,321,13,55,9,7,108,57,75,0.161,0.5820000000000001,0.257,0.8802,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,2,0,2,4,8,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,2,1,12,10,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,3,5,9,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855276893596224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864090211030423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815359741014049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844463306134177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657169303658996,0.15057419808333938,0.0,0.0,0.1926400485376125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023735099370886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403875508201535,0.0,0.0,0.14127475193079242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512674922007252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029716220776734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136877947994959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240668224775044,0.2235937632237736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461214455415706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397583529657599,0.2381102141881384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309905928904676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203768962022684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Markymark5t,2018/01/08,I’m gonna kill myself tonight I have 0 friends every one hates me everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed I have be fear of death I really want to die and I guess it’s finally time to make it happen ,-1.9386018237082079,-0.06580291489361477,1.3392097264437697,97.42000000000002,99.42553191489357,5.238905775075988,17.352583586626142,6.868970318607317,0.07954346504559284,161,5,40,3,7,57,38,47,0.379,0.537,0.084,-0.955,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,12,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,6,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945685555582537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391372520216427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193853028637653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109195973897917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928473594446204,0.0,0.14828836620821967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126684372639757,0.0,0.250988079730232,0.0,0.0,0.2802212958905377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140135251490867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894573310717561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232913448432007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182742427520612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967185527724603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550233434719186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740905255986818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jxishbekcoiw,2018/01/09,"Been depressed for a while now and just got money problems too. When I was 15 I started being depressed, I dont have any fun in life and I am not loved by anyone, or so it seems. My father never talks to me and doesn't live with me and my mother, but when I am with him he doesn't even look at me when we talk. He is always to busy with different things.

We don't have allot of money at all and don't talk to a big part of our family since we have a fight with them. I haven't gotten any pocket money or money for clothes, just when It doesn't fit I get a new pair of pants for example.

I started driving lessons last year which my mother is actually funding for me, which I really appreciate nonetheless. She put the money on my bank account so whenever the driving school sends me a invoice to pay the first part of the lessons (400€) u could just send them the money from my bank account.

I had never ever had so much money on my bank so I was really stupid with it.... I bought  a new pc game, little bit of weed (I life in the netherlands so it's not like I'm a junk or anything, I barely smoke anything but me and my friends wanted to smoked something and it took me away from all the shit), and then I also got scammed wanting to buy second hand shoes worth €100 which I tried getting my money back but I didnt. I was thinking the invoice was still gonna take months to get payed and nothing could go wrong.

Yesterday I got an email with the invoice and I shit my pants, I was literally crying.

 How is a 17 year old student gonna get 200 euros in 2 weeks? If I tell my mother she would kill me. If I tell my dad he would kill me. I'm seriously thinking about ending it since I don't have any stress anymore then, my life is shit anyway and nobody really loves me. I'm doing it soon Im pretty sure. 



",1.9844858870967743,3.308844760416669,3.714405241935484,90.49490927419356,76.65625,6.309005376344086,22.28293010752688,6.828538100315305,0.4607840389784954,1404,38,314,13,31,471,185,384,0.139,0.775,0.085,-0.966,1,0,3,0,1,2,34.0,4,0,2,3,23,19,7,1,18,0,33,10,5,1,6,53,60,33,2,9,13,5,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,11,20,0,0,5,1,20,7,13,13,0,2,15,2,55,6,34,38,7,45,0,2,1,2,30,11,3,7,28,207,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.09113106660993267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468058795854637,0.07770446391462747,0.0,0.0,0.19051663247047898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261361690965407,0.06529752044781642,0.0,0.15369710755538313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773903016246024,0.07180791337503982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195310339211196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912191974061031,0.0,0.10257991272141052,0.0,0.0,0.16086609988200334,0.0,0.0,0.0975682814983534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944745834400052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827120975884174,0.0,0.0,0.06168043804145151,0.08447279963991051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803581809636161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943391104867464,0.0,0.0,0.07214963495124406,0.0,0.1951608978775277,0.0,0.05307330039580101,0.0,0.22406745795838795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087268562306204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663509579616107,0.0,0.0,0.07612188842515095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788345006977598,0.04562358321581485,0.09359710171886357,0.08246136947813687,0.0,0.07842054949486567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685686552669747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453965205024042,0.0,0.0686493057526883,0.0,0.14404976708194453,0.1803851689389676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960619065480256,0.0,0.09799268455570613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022554351015988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500692814168693,0.0,0.08935759550660383,0.0,0.09387851911031096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947599812287446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451141198748038,0.0,0.08501492207800272,0.0,0.0,0.2875775352639584,0.1544993922639942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189294879093751,0.0,0.0,0.13219789525278952,0.0,0.07457801795278111,0.0,0.10697311471235248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801500830489116,0.0,0.07021449718491914,0.22517989822097453,0.1632466050909452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204137383800948,0.11967569566757308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375505634963823,0.06340282601990997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016272498590347,0.0,0.0749084532454683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267718134920348,0.10210270884864288,0.0,0.12027478272624716
suicidewatch,artichokeneat,2018/01/09,"I feel nothing I've been feeling myself slipping into nothingness for months. I've been struggling with memories of being raped, because recently I started a new job in which my manager has sexually harassed me several times. Every day I wonder what it would be like if I had the guts to go through with it. Last week I wrote a suicide note, and I left it at home, and I was really going to, but I couldn't. There are pockets of happiness, but it's mostly sadness, and emptiness. I don't know what to do, how to talk about this. I'm burdening everyone in my life with my issues. ",5.460459627329193,5.713118573913048,6.7214906832298125,76.13391304347827,67.6086956521739,10.049689440993786,34.68944099378882,9.957137785484203,3.4775093167701865,456,21,86,10,7,155,83,115,0.18600000000000005,0.7559999999999999,0.057,-0.9191,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,3,0,12,3,1,1,0,19,21,7,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,5,2,14,2,16,12,1,15,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,3,9,63,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689949443665718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425348076469446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539357798151872,0.1989169149813696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051566357686832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661747109688835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216025727609077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881311975986186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727709868976328,0.20657822294112974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440568456212978,0.16968766404155775,0.0,0.0,0.2261790868220511,0.0,0.14703777975696367,0.10170214403849888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661606102601195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010534589869804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974629492838625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336007773437902,0.0,0.20554437218013108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351746899950071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734495229130876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762618824251548,0.0,0.22770597733396364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732047206896886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138655245072585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669827261404354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257532544496264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787915434403404,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,destv1,2018/01/09,"I have a noose ready I'm 18 and about to fail high school, not once in my entire life have I had an actual friend. All my life I've been alone due to my social ineptitude and anxiety.

I don't know how to interact with people, I have spent all these years trying out many different personalities and acted as someone I'm not in order to try to fit in. At this point I don't even know who I am anymore. 

When I'm alone all I ever feel anymore is apathy and as if I'm completely hollow. No one ever appreciated me for who I was, they all just pitied me and left me feeling pathetic. 

I feel dead already and I don't feel at home being alive. I'll either hang myself tonight or tomorrow night.",2.7340815047021954,3.8925705586206902,4.931598746081509,83.18373040752353,74.44827586206897,8.307210031347962,23.52664576802508,8.841846274778883,1.5001034482758624,541,15,117,11,11,189,92,145,0.161,0.7340000000000001,0.104,-0.8214,1,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,12,2,0,1,6,27,23,12,1,1,6,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,6,0,1,2,6,2,0,1,4,4,18,1,16,18,5,21,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,2,8,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.15675987567333935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327458083455348,0.17726843459619746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228879125142945,0.0,0.3186201942430305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684262735082939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783290535607784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610012763530184,0.29061320276236063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248943438148535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410880532370623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972325639073554,0.16113338164867866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656529297132326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453405782050224,0.0,0.22692726117592735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286209286547793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074822726171652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107462019863254,0.1088527161135231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136641873139536,0.14026322760401055,0.0,0.0,0.15185518151047303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257460538988555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163750587416539,0.13610836866928153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812581579367066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344584282935093
suicidewatch,ashycloudy,2018/01/09,"Why do good things make me want to die even more? 18/F I don't really know what to do anymore. I just want to die in the most painful way possible. I'm tired of living in pain, guilt and embarrassment because of my IBS. But good things happen too, like if I don't feel sick for a day, or for instance I got my fifth university offer today, but all of these things are just making me want to die even more. 
My counsellor told me to recognise the good things and be positive about them, and to try recognise my strengths from them. But I can't. I just want to die. I don't want to go to university, I don't want to think about my illness, I don't want to go to school tomorrow, I don't want to finish my (long overdue) coursework, I don't want to live to sit my exams in May, I don't want to do anything other than end my life. And I don't know why. I can't sleep, I can't stop eating, I can't stop crying, I can't stop myself from self harming. The only thing in my life I have control over is whether I stay alive or not. I don't want to. But my only friend has always said if I go then he goes, and his life means more to me than my own, so I'm balancing on the fence between ending my own pain, or going through life for as long as my friend does. 

I just don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm asking from this post. I guess I just felt there was nobody else to turn to to vent. I don't know. ",1.3765913978494628,2.3173410193548416,3.1887903225806475,95.2065188172043,77.51612903225806,6.327956989247313,20.658602150537632,6.6274283507984215,-0.008043010752688762,1076,24,271,9,24,361,135,310,0.139,0.703,0.158,-0.1708,0,0,0,0,0,5,37.0,0,0,2,2,12,13,0,2,5,0,29,12,1,3,1,52,65,19,4,13,16,0,2,1,2,1,10,1,0,1,11,5,1,5,9,0,0,4,19,6,0,0,5,3,47,7,45,58,7,26,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,8,13,171,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526362216575794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778575125409372,0.0,0.0,0.0645447471749183,0.0,0.073325484136446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047812822249848265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797073863989067,0.0,0.0,0.08615639730816435,0.050583635819210215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256096874946954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686383858829236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025787167386439,0.06552179451067859,0.0,0.13893902135348518,0.0,0.0,0.1036102329405031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039658739572181086,0.0,0.07530922966969246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119629369115198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783040844565582,0.19736091265636554,0.06273107609323714,0.0,0.08640422596535803,0.0,0.06935919386488351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21552720460489075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216018671702829,0.03831903788843263,0.0,0.13851785057818294,0.1388237774514514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471101073049516,0.0,0.0,0.08543794823752744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930564149199667,0.25037888077119624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842289007503915,0.07511837968199075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502470220251555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746089820886908,0.0,0.0,0.07937970061900243,0.0,0.0,0.08182408244641699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849094590696201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360052948157927,0.0,0.19672376456030816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605413239358426,0.050257533422107835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014869152856764,0.07434654682741275,0.07494733639967162,0.0,0.05325174221845127,0.0853139971558277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088884156605441,0.0622574977878039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415495150238511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silaries,2018/01/09,"I wish I would've lived my life when I still could .....but now my life, my health, is stuck in a spiral which is drawing closer to the final exit. At the beginning of this, I was the only one who was still optimistic about my health. I could, I had made peace and could finally think clear since half a year, I was finally happy, and I didn't think i would fall ill so suddenly and without reason forever.


I kept trying, trying to get to a doctor, to hospitals, I kept being optimistic.


""Next birthday I will be alright again""


""By christmas they will find something""


A second christmas has passed by now.


A second birthday.

last summer was the last time I have seen a doctor, I was at a hospital where they ended up shrugging in confusion, set me to a therapist. 


I have been in therapy since then, but my health just keeps declining... not only does my body feel miserable now, but over the past months.... 


I don't know what to do anymore, I feel trapped in a bad drama that won't end....


So much was planned, I was just starting... I was 18... the most important age, youth...I had just gotten a place in an art school... now I am 20, I only weigh 40kg by now, well, I lost the first 15kg in the first 1-2 months but.... you don't get used to seeing, and feeling this skeleton of a body.


I am in debt, can't do a job, can't even go to school like I always wanted. 


Even if someone pops up and  finds the cause, being underweight this long sure has taken a toll on my body... my best years went down the drain, I have no real hope left for a successfull career, especially in a field I want. My family wont allow me to keep going to school, as they want me to get a job.
Or what if it ends up being non-treatable? Or maybe I am truly a lost case? 


I don't know why this has to happen to me... I don't know what to do anymore.. I feel so helpless and miserable, I just want to get out of here, out of here, somewhere where I don't feel like this anymore, but in this body, on this planet, there seems to be no such place.


I wish I had been less blind in my teeage years before this started, I wish I had done more, gone to other countries, started a career early, seen the things that count when I had the chance.


I always wanted to leave a mark on this world, but now I find myself lost, like a newborn abandoned in the forest, left with no option. No weapon to keep fighting, not even a path I could walk on.


I wish I had lived.",3.075545376467222,3.816933256513032,4.324193529916979,89.45377955911825,73.14829659318637,7.306063555682795,23.47557973089035,7.447530270364453,0.7800968909247059,1841,46,412,20,35,607,227,499,0.135,0.737,0.128,-0.8122,3,1,1,0,2,0,104.0,0,1,3,7,29,20,2,3,35,1,53,14,4,5,2,72,103,23,0,17,17,0,5,3,0,5,9,0,0,1,19,9,1,6,15,2,1,7,17,11,1,6,31,9,61,9,55,58,5,80,0,7,4,0,7,33,0,9,42,285,80,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749132342289992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217352029230406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393156514863636,0.0,0.0,0.05496297664561749,0.0,0.06778524754733117,0.0,0.0,0.2869883006295056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635370675111099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628560698768594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222515863473108,0.05652483490288258,0.06609997219666533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162783934713013,0.0,0.0,0.12798708556172894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089152488197151,0.0,0.1632981077525353,0.046144489071638616,0.0,0.21227191257780914,0.1771075667874475,0.10988372859325048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498647398368996,0.0,0.07341816686662511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711843208109215,0.0687593126137832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597460953669455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415436268962525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819505146931814,0.17223683073862825,0.0,0.0,0.10649410967924987,0.10530209097458944,0.0,0.06839352956740152,0.1403586460548611,0.0,0.09124638345470673,0.09466906581874436,0.0,0.11407171853354847,0.057161827162008176,0.0,0.0,0.2115291715246287,0.0,0.0,0.061118447752813776,0.0,0.0,0.06489127736205727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311332763540927,0.0,0.047482502006108464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869425237925791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376916472314302,0.1473752245533654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061660307749635435,0.0,0.0,0.1349696423345607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351975950152936,0.0,0.06641126378758226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611145051324624,0.05147140699675605,0.058802068919099615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686222712209097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054728534309342436,0.04972602487035442,0.0,0.0,0.1371555056031594,0.0,0.1031664005404993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087713142300775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386650339626642,0.07499621138494586,0.04291200945771618,0.08277580373630272,0.0,0.0,0.03766407493866978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770736369946258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055786690457137085,0.0,0.0,0.19048997483622399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807590397766326,0.0598773680111961,0.058284171927889435,0.0,0.2971101360081405,0.062264317404994676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176851040961427,0.0,0.0,0.12478525928558973
suicidewatch,outlyingwake,2018/01/09,"One of my online friends who I've known for almost 2 years is talking about killing himself on his birthday I've known the guy for coming up on 2 years at this point and over time he's shown more and more signs of depression, but now he's getting serious about suicide and tells me he plans to kill himself on his birthday. The problem is I don't know when his birthday is, or where he lives so I can get him the help he needs.
All I know is his Name, Approximate location, and his IP address. What can I do to get him the help he needs?",7.459557522123895,4.84840592920354,7.321345132743362,82.82520353982302,64.92920353982299,10.455929203539824,36.759292035398225,8.238735603445708,2.6470828318584068,422,16,96,4,5,135,68,113,0.184,0.743,0.073,-0.9416,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,18,16,8,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,15,1,14,16,3,14,0,1,0,0,23,8,0,2,5,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324211713467216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748380858050514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481516692266105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681178926650705,0.0,0.3181256178050713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009692257493521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720889836076615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491057940757244,0.0,0.22309069401628973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922356643899012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30099489544708363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753568198291444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186940571974848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942119935244624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220129389090988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313717443265735,0.17740209117684938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835168127406664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614081678401893
suicidewatch,Arielakriss33,2018/01/09,"My family is controlling and unsympathetic I can’t take it anymore. Everytime I go to make my own decisions they lead me to believe that’s ok. But when I actually make my own choices oh suddenly it’s WWIII! Oh how dare you make your own choices, you don’t know what your doing. I know what’s best for you just let me run your life for you. Well I’m so sick of it! I can’t even be my own person anymore. In fact when have I ever been able to be my own person? It feels like I’m powerless and I’m being treated like a child even though I’m 22. None of them realize that the reason I’m in the position I’m in is because of my very dangerously poor mental health. They don’t understand that either! They all have this thing they want me to be and I hate it. 

Ever since I’ve been forced to live with my overly religious and pushy/ judgy grandmother I’ve picked up some very dangerous habits and I’ve tried to kill myself three times. I’m thinking of killing myself finally because I can’t take it anymore. And everyone is trying to push me towards what they want me to do. It doesn’t matter if I had plans or that I’m supposed to be an individual. They always criticize and put down my dreams because they think they are stupid and that I won’t ever get anywhere with it. Well great. What’s the point then? 

So yeah I’m planning on killing myself. Things haven’t ever gotten better. And nobody believes in me anyway. ",1.0599958488999592,3.4082812054794545,3.015018679950185,89.20652760481529,84.54794520547945,6.142133665421338,21.17725197177252,7.463857097105799,0.8421036529680364,1120,36,234,19,33,375,147,292,0.14400000000000002,0.754,0.102,-0.9628,1,0,0,0,0,5,24.0,0,7,9,6,17,16,7,0,5,2,25,3,0,8,6,42,51,19,3,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,20,11,0,1,9,1,1,5,9,7,2,1,4,1,43,9,26,40,10,25,0,0,0,0,19,10,0,3,12,159,63,1,0.10537721147105557,0.0,0.10283295755024824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768228153632476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135176342336605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927109101105204,0.0,0.0,0.2374480636951276,0.1105868821815686,0.09319758015789052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818950307095258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920130868096256,0.3812788829391255,0.0,0.10069244140178238,0.0,0.0,0.09934025664325774,0.0,0.05328188435070108,0.07528150093028453,0.0,0.11543558436913727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505524370961536,0.0,0.059888297697792185,0.0,0.0,0.1161787476610753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403818001619218,0.0,0.11201104813317084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497528146798096,0.0,0.11582511914466387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775533825366453,0.07443104083638602,0.10296396543241494,0.0,0.09305000832895276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102032077316069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619544417817464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840226329360008,0.0,0.0,0.09961552576497433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593320290951773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834532394203207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716911826691394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846109734091146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001587383040118,0.13504292433068738,0.10353257524098614,0.0,0.061446299429859276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430884188940361,0.0,0.0,0.1097013934683322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738944709159663,0.12430841911006855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949353681363965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,5postmax,2018/01/09,"probably should do it. hi, i made an account just to post this because i can’t post it on any of my main social medias.  to start off, i’m a 17 year old girl. i go to an all girls school, and i’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot recently. 

i’m just scared. apparently most suicides fail, and if mine does i don’t know how i’ll fucking live with myself. ",2.052770562770561,3.1986083246753267,3.6669480519480544,91.62994588744593,76.14285714285714,6.691774891774893,24.52164502164502,7.1686216300943375,0.7802138528138527,279,9,65,3,6,93,58,77,0.152,0.848,0.0,-0.9017,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,1,4,0,5,1,0,2,1,14,13,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,8,10,4,9,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,3,4,38,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520691614890034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912930082182592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972907241341845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099861405581224,0.0,0.0,0.12971061650829172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525070559780989,0.0,0.1254314130551297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153476405950824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403634715895315,0.0,0.21596048706716264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23949314311021866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371700791645695,0.0,0.2460748061306253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225353496609534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285020050924345,0.23098494769575575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23265577535218016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154516834696936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496509033394021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624310293813708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469751843344629
suicidewatch,xxbabybearattackxx,2018/01/09,Failure Im behind on money and owe and finally looking for a job but nothing’s close enough because I have a phobia of driving and the best answer I can think of rn is to just die and everything would be better.,7.660681818181818,5.438292795454547,8.544545454545457,72.9868181818182,64.22727272727273,10.618181818181819,37.90909090909091,8.841846274778883,3.368172727272727,169,7,32,2,2,58,37,44,0.204,0.616,0.18,-0.0644,2,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,8,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,24,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829670388217016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31498612642660256,0.2654559400460198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115055623638339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101324472121993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26975308475686993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287967510696852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242106437718758,0.0,0.29784993158861217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204818013551433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28799947754634897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232230259645364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321606594178344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alielantha,2018/01/09,"getting bad again i was feeling not so bad for a few weeks, but it’s sliding downhill again. Idk suicide just makes sense at this point. I fucked up my life and I’m tired of fighting, shit would take too long to fix and by then I would have no chance of getting into the career I want, so what’s the point. I’m done bye fuck this ",0.05637323943662054,2.14882229577465,1.1670246478873239,102.50293133802818,86.60563380281691,3.5500000000000003,18.734154929577464,3.1291,-0.9678605633802808,257,7,62,0,8,80,54,71,0.412,0.531,0.056,-0.9889,0,0,0,0,2,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,3,0,5,5,1,1,0,11,15,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,1,5,0,8,11,1,11,0,0,0,2,2,5,3,0,6,38,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36396782507008985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304436234428468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102049550257754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029930807306922,0.22774572374415025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394856259034773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928839433071279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454871278404457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120771879815665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372840261047885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384081693952116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387556782758927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505080242768773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285559238781885,0.0,0.1748309224284261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096589636482462,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxsb,2018/01/09,Fat and suicidal i want to die because I'm fat and ugly. I've lost 30 lbs since October and I'm counting calories everyday but I still feel very disgusting. I'm worthless because I'm obese. I want to hang myself tonight.,1.596,4.039134377777781,3.6533333333333333,84.90000000000002,83.0,7.1555555555555586,31.222222222222214,8.238735603445708,2.761355555555556,177,10,34,4,5,60,29,45,0.3670000000000001,0.581,0.052000000000000005,-0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,8,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,7,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156961028757255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353866054598349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240127971290498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37220169877616943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28204834952433105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722937167084239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729584889185096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813304154521391,0.4022179544665816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unclesin,2018/01/09,Just want the suffering to end Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Years of suffering. I just want it to end. I want to rest. ,-1.9637931034482747,-0.22120393103448066,0.5064827586206917,101.7617931034483,105.55172413793105,5.078620689655172,12.696551724137931,6.742157984588678,-0.6079986206896555,102,2,26,2,5,34,16,29,0.193,0.685,0.121,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,4,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8158947396034057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433376158807623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773722223319504
suicidewatch,throwaway04645673412,2018/01/09,"I have nothing to live for Hello I've never created a reddit account before and would like to stay anonymous according to this account name.. 

The only person I have left in my life is my sister who is across the country right now. my parents divorced at the end of high school and I lived with my mom while I went to college. I never made any friends because conversations never went past ""hi."" Since last year when my mother died all I do is go to work, then come home to drink and cry for hours on end. 

I've been working the same thankless job for over 23 years, and  I'm constantly on call. The only thing I have to do in my free time is drink, sleep, and play videogames. The only way anyone would know im dead is if i didn't check into work",3.471800356506236,4.476928372549021,4.2567676767676765,89.31727272727274,72.46405228758171,6.609387997623291,25.02020202020202,6.574015621080383,0.7473973856209146,583,17,124,4,11,187,100,153,0.099,0.848,0.053,-0.7959999999999999,2,0,2,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,7,0,14,4,1,1,4,19,21,9,2,3,1,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,8,2,0,1,3,4,4,4,0,0,0,5,0,14,5,20,14,2,33,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,1,17,73,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710361488023541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956147292707706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808070244572415,0.0,0.10899268126530587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079124196749742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033568818559593,0.0,0.1384166427213416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069765609863613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329341791929006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250953173866488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268942905673387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989597695757592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279484617410327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533104520881648,0.12848179689850167,0.0,0.12613998447878966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835603925774392,0.0,0.12710667468643155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070393316017929,0.10440807556843637,0.0,0.0,0.13916700027842432,0.0,0.0904717010926638,0.06257688324145377,0.0,0.2262064978699455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119910350386452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500140541306631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963659850982769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229030193396413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29224801596382644,0.0,0.0,0.14222555762421846,0.0,0.12227362270803345,0.0,0.1118407082192244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938567674554346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963097538720722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595496615035936,0.0,0.12817959500527873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365237975839608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509537246199314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468861341719843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166957169737606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374760351401052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27974678554344456,0.0,0.0,0.181978790372965,0.0,0.0,0.1649677755460174
suicidewatch,Cobr3n,2018/01/09,"Depressed took 22,750 mg of acetaminophen within 24 hours.. So I’ve been majorly depressed I’ve tried anti depressants but nothing is helping... 

Within the past 24 hours I’ve taken 27,750 mg of acetaminophen. Didn’t throw up but I felt very toxic with the worst headache ever when I woke up.  Starting to feel better now, eyes feel extremely dry, and haven’t gone to the ER.

Still dunno about life and continuing.. :( I just feel so depressed and think it would just be easier to end it.",3.552478632478632,6.149274186813187,3.6544322344322353,86.87112332112333,76.36263736263737,6.242246642246642,24.3968253968254,7.3871296695380915,1.2162371184371183,385,13,70,5,9,118,62,91,0.213,0.715,0.07200000000000001,-0.9292,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,1,16,16,8,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,7,5,3,1,11,7,2,17,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,1,10,39,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547334265084138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6445903587322852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571366091154402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692412269053274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838077391486735,0.0,0.17964381823652398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540812293217446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685084990554551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215314285319793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952597415235294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860660663783035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324292203067543,0.0,0.1494170349781197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988510888633605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787322202054528,0.12702754153545115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437578594967544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290934507674854,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LudziDocelowych,2018/01/09,"I'm tired of being alone, I give up, I failed, I'm done. Me ex left me at the start of November, and my life has been nothing since, the only thing keeping me going is my 4 year old son, but due to financial reasons, I can only see him every other weekend, I'm tired of feeling alone, friends do not help(I don't have any anyway), I need the feeling again that someone actually gives a fuck, someone that is there for me, I've tried dating sites, but OKCupid has made changes that pretty much makes it unusable, and POF won't let me have a profile for some reason, and I have ZERO confidence in real life to actually meet people, and the women Ive met in real life all have boyfriends, or want nothing to do with me.

The only thing left to do is say goodbye, and put a bullet in my head",12.534259259259258,5.462483413580248,11.978098765432096,66.89344444444447,60.54320987654321,14.441481481481485,45.36296296296296,9.3871,4.376724444444443,611,21,127,6,5,205,100,162,0.099,0.795,0.106,0.2846,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,8,0,20,7,1,4,1,23,37,8,0,2,4,2,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,4,16,1,15,30,3,17,0,1,1,1,10,8,1,2,7,81,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.2359486037465315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25041774415936363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221150608333665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788895158891575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371569346560216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185771585071624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225444562740514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340176879764801,0.11176379425246324,0.0,0.2319435029056757,0.0687063785734546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407127746498603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103214834223517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745541057994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627015814606677,0.12362146442575978,0.2561712788261231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439204731862188,0.08069713451585325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887039537157185,0.0896407590440823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320005280146889,0.0,0.12685705302484135,0.0,0.0,0.2758341266925413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381210718321996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299182306966874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153103398142212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27520580502195313,0.0,0.2485966417342084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613910678714828,0.0,0.0,0.09633621011682016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000408543556942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486479341599115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556881303890665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063211016998472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778978461179288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207853166590444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130592813259147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778512424628046
suicidewatch,demonqueen21,2018/01/09,"I'm considering a serious suicide attempt I've been depressed for years now and have anxiety on top of that for the past year. I've always played around with the idea of suicide and honestly at any given moment if I died, I would be happy. But it's always been this passive ideology of suicide, you know? Even when I've attempted in the past it's just been OD which I knew was going to fail, just the motions made me feel better. I'm usually more of a self harmer when I'm upset, but I've been working really hard to stop that. 


I'm in uni for premed. It's not my passion, it's my obligation. Heavily pushed by my parents and I want to please them so I go with it. I'm in too deep at this point to really drop or even switch majors, so I have to just push through it. I don't really know what else I like because I've been told I was going to be a doctor ever since I was born. There was never a second option for me. And that's starting to wear on me too. My GPA is starting to fall and I'm lying to my mother about it bc I just can't take the anger or guilt about it all anymore. I just don't care about it anymore. 


I had a boyfriend, but he broke up with me yesterday. We had only been dating 3 months and it's not like either of us was really into each other, but I trusted him and I had fun and it just really hurts a lot. I don't know why, because before winter break I was thinking about breaking up with him anyway, but now that it's actually happened, I can't stop crying. I ended up having to take an anxiety pill just to stop crying so I could go to class. I cried a bit in class yesterday since I knew the breakup was coming and I couldn't go through with full I'm sobbing like I've been doing after the break up. This is hurting me more than ive anticipated and I don't know why. I don't know how much is me losing someone I could talk to every hour of every day or losing someone I really trusted more than anyone else or my depression or my period or stress from school or everything together, but I can't stop crying. The tears and screams just won't stop. 

Then today is only the second day of class and I've had to go to two different advisors just to fix myself from being dropped from a class and that's just putting more stress on me. I got it all worked out and I'm in the class with no fear of being dropped now, yet when I got back to my car after the fact, I just sat there and started sobbing. I don't even know what I was upset about? The stress? The breakup? My period? I literally don't even know why I was crying, but it was full on sobbing and I ended up taking my anxiety medicine like I said before just so I could go to my next class without crying. 


And I know it's stupid to be suicidal over a breakup, especially since I wasn't even really in love with him or anything like that, but it just hurts a lot. And that with school stress and just my utter lack of interest in anything is slowly starting to make me realize that I really just don't care. I don't care anymore, and what's stopping me from actually ending it? Not just going through the motions, but actually legitimately going through with it? 

None of my friends know about my depression or anxiety and I don't want to tell them, my ex knew but it's not like I can talk to him about that anymore, my mother knows but I can't talk to her about school, only my break up, and my hobby is a sport club at the uni I attend. Which is on suspension because our president forgot to go to a meeting. So I can't even do my sport hobby to take my mind off of all this. All I have to do is study and do homework, which just makes me feel worse because I'm going into a job I don't care about simply because it's easier to struggle in school than it is to fight against my family who're demanding I become a doctor. 


I probably repeated a lot of stuff and it's all jumbled and stuff. I'm sorry. I'm still processing the breakup and my emotions are all over the place. Being on mobile probably doesn't help, but it's what it is. I don't really even know what I want posting this here, probably just to vent since I don't have anyone else to talk to about my depression/anxiety/suicide stuff. So thanks for reading I guess. ",2.9268086028965383,3.919708741826384,4.658268320180383,85.97039961841992,73.75760992108229,7.8485404561616505,25.25832971988553,8.287632752037746,1.4293426727950735,3302,103,716,53,65,1122,289,887,0.196,0.71,0.094,-0.9983,3,0,0,0,1,4,71.0,3,1,2,9,61,49,3,9,33,0,75,6,1,4,9,142,144,59,6,10,46,4,3,6,1,2,3,2,1,1,50,42,0,7,19,5,0,20,30,27,0,3,33,5,101,22,114,99,22,111,0,13,0,2,29,36,3,15,53,498,151,19,0.0,0.0,0.12527209510216422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121026418679004,0.0,0.0,0.029099014065021907,0.0,0.13093849173051125,0.0,0.1697467505773281,0.05984023886890263,0.08768786823364462,0.07042588728100092,0.03809262590486564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03290326079436562,0.0,0.130423488267332,0.047258756278802334,0.07282314446959298,0.0,0.0,0.037844728651726084,0.04671615414007595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451110662768474,0.0,0.0,0.03686023532778839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249422072234886,0.0,0.2820201948696963,0.055192677799367464,0.0,0.11056621036484243,0.0,0.04440979350139576,0.044706975325010535,0.0,0.0875958000951869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723794073015816,0.04813356416571568,0.11369907256266412,0.0,0.0,0.19783909744490952,0.038706465986077375,0.07210570022075675,0.0,0.03845735112885405,0.0,0.040339084453563705,0.04815122008077189,0.04327233500888729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03305984178401485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26750716157455234,0.0,0.06844695947116478,0.0,0.04713857087353398,0.0,0.03783950656582272,0.045551293449667074,0.03833189193650735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028681576784877483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214003273637757,0.0,0.13742437751100853,0.048305277171629975,0.0,0.0,0.04246297836828239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586819967548152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254316901606444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574327032620347,0.0,0.1091368838812636,0.0386201058164483,0.04048941507624222,0.05712599523242973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320621677193321,0.0,0.03415497673802125,0.0,0.03145594829828313,0.0,0.03300267916789481,0.0,0.0455081927012432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763233292555112,0.0,0.0,0.047513797302249576,0.0,0.08169676704817445,0.0,0.0,0.044706975325010535,0.04697113009527689,0.040450862948240435,0.0,0.040981480072100125,0.0,0.13840622097870356,0.0,0.0,0.04301628124385928,0.0,0.0,0.04280208959602492,0.0,0.2467142670637199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040703573820567884,0.0,0.0,0.1732251218846157,0.0,0.0,0.04463983406446725,0.0,0.0,0.14158700781856204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251252031554785,0.0,0.0,0.04790047249592543,0.1211493725280901,0.0,0.03417255646200396,0.21464869373292986,0.19606553795724588,0.04473393173852204,0.14695468880586626,0.23402936311965886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286925523294034,0.13757356385160052,0.037400791699994204,0.039395752407826286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02741843092370113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040560399999782434,0.04088816593386255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180011044492177,0.0,0.05147171472472552,0.0,0.047127701231094006,0.0,0.07571685416685073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583533857605548,0.0,0.0,0.041248524537890574,0.0,0.062304001644984015,0.0,0.04360718525952709,0.030397150496449463,0.0,0.0,0.05511137083678247
suicidewatch,thellamaissad,2018/01/09,"Sooooooo tempting At my moms. Had to dig around looking for medicine for my dog (lol, tummy troubles) there’s fentanyl patches, (fuck cancer) Vicodin, and a lot of other pain relievers. I’m so tempted to place the patches all over my neck and just peace out peacefully. (Let’s imagine it will work.)

Snagged few Vicodin to float around a bit and get my head out of my ass of a day.  One more day alive won’t kill me right? What an oxymoron. 

",2.0782428940568494,4.485516023255818,2.406434108527133,94.82913436692509,80.62790697674419,4.752454780361758,28.16020671834625,5.82211442006289,0.9240842377260984,342,16,70,2,9,104,67,86,0.136,0.741,0.123,-0.3008,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,5,1,4,8,3,0,1,11,8,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,6,1,14,4,5,10,0,0,1,2,1,8,2,1,2,43,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290740143705867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631045683605281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108442023185916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227963714222216,0.12591015400344538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247330815867584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666257126008763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464341327008366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202375446543184,0.0,0.0,0.2048856778727566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28225090926383634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330472552558067,0.0,0.25643610563737257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25178890818627986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580876172427226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754475273241157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doggy_yggoD,2018/01/09,"My friend. Sorry if this isn’t welcome but I’ve got a friend I met on reddit and we’ve been texting back and forth helping each other through some stuff. 

She started saying things like “I’m tired” “I just want it all to end” and I tried to talk her down but I suck at this. 

She’s not replying anymore and she lives on the other side of the world. I’m so worried about her. I left work and am just pacing my apartment messaging her over and over again trying to get a response. 

She could have fallen asleep but with the way she was talking I’m so fucking worried about her.

I can’t ever seem to find the right words in situations like these. I’ve never been suicidal and I feel like I just make things worse because I just say what helps me when I’m depressed which is “it’s so bad right now I know but it will get better. Time is the only cure and it’ll eventually start getting a little better everyday.” 

God I don’t know what to do why am I so bad at this.",-0.07827207275483161,2.1912091625615773,1.6963793103448277,96.80674403183023,90.3793103448276,4.305342932929141,18.152519893899203,5.873414542411696,-0.3782237968927622,752,21,169,6,26,245,118,203,0.175,0.6509999999999999,0.174,-0.6289,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,15,13,2,0,8,0,15,3,1,1,3,33,34,18,1,3,10,0,1,3,2,2,1,2,0,0,16,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,3,24,8,18,26,3,28,0,1,0,1,20,15,2,3,14,111,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311667604181702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170007050886216,0.22086379041404536,0.08062470182329631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339471213095313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055991536255146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391567399431014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714344229367145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196370883887297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687482357737227,0.09448684397526047,0.0,0.0,0.12088359387765513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043680874949562,0.12227259278162007,0.20730177366791927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578071042622476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730269346598496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537369507513678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370129301654358,0.0,0.0,0.19384722707434068,0.13255964972159015,0.1167883412289614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828483260877731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020073608914472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005899810814854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258992886873516,0.0,0.21035753006058291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204048852454697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866621187969284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480546703467647,0.18722915952331712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140649540854156,0.14467139217088829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261177169192752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757358429519674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771220928825908,0.15201385386268745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179592236387899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801060058659977,0.1049821357370752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934442378651278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628713396947232,0.26863367782658354,0.1347846295023242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notoverly,2018/01/09,I don’t know what to do I’m tired of fighting I guess. I just want it to be over but I don’t because last time I attempted i regretted it immediately but it doesn’t make me hate being me less,-1.599469696969695,0.34314647727272884,2.02,93.64166666666668,95.5909090909091,5.660606060606061,18.69696969696969,7.1686216300943375,0.3202242424242425,151,5,38,3,6,55,29,44,0.287,0.6859999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,2,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,12,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,10,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24926223554347585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504505174780209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037050520570645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472127898880376,0.3333088651843423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729445721098689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23843344343571324,0.4699715123342522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411803858936745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EskoBomb,2018/01/09,"Overwhelmed and Hopeless Christmas for my kid was a gamble against my safety net... The income tax refund.  My other safety net was tapped out for 5 years due to a transmission repair this summer.  I'm behind on rent and electric by 15 days and my loans by 1 to 3 months.  My car needed brake work and tires to the tune of $1390.  Maybe refund will cover it.  But I'm still behind.  Sure I'll dig out just enough to stay under water... Until what next right?  What next is going to drown me.  I hate living under this constant uncertainty.  I don't get to be happy.  It's not my place to experience any more than what I got during my failed marriage.

I am not sure what I'll do to myself when things finally give...  Hopefully it's painless. 37 years is long enough.",1.6022368421052633,3.9078513289473698,3.0978947368421035,89.77276315789473,81.76315789473685,5.11578947368421,18.05263157894737,6.322622252153567,-0.07936315789473714,590,13,118,5,16,193,102,152,0.114,0.773,0.112,-0.3318,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,1,4,0,9,2,0,0,2,15,18,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,11,6,1,1,0,0,6,2,3,4,0,0,3,0,13,4,23,13,3,24,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,1,14,73,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818869112248433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781404027028475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208541866876008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591598638231153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000792460206235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038736095045025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080235192329436,0.1667230070873393,0.09877348490770924,0.0,0.13900224476908932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501134573571992,0.0,0.1715896760918241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262076255319864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534669367247829,0.1538058797556365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460358597094927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387240126749838,0.0,0.0,0.1288691144023875,0.0,0.0,0.3696725750701601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815820593062496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148422657083506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524568659641952,0.1387954145638302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276053695406844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546375779801715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975538865047476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652711170316114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384060059940966
suicidewatch,BillyFromAccounting,2018/01/09,"Worst Month of My Life Seriously Considering Killing Myself Where do I even begin?

I'm 26, I got romantically involved with a girl I knew I shouldn't have, my best friend who I live with just told me he isn't resigning our lease (so less than a months notice), so I'm about to be homeless, I lost my job yesterday, my dog (and best friend) died in September, and I'm behind on my car payments. I know most people will be like ""get a better job"" and yes you're right. I'm trying to. I have an interview tomorrow. I just don't know how to handle all this shit. I know people have been in similar or worse situations, but I've never been in this position before. I don't know how to handle it or what to do. Killing myself has been my top option. I even googled the best drugs to OD on last night. I don't wanna do this or be this way. I just feel like I'm backed into a corner and can't get out. Please if anyone has any advice or has been through a similar situation, please save me.",2.0741147915476863,3.53581033495146,4.029086236436323,87.75888920616792,76.71844660194175,7.371330668189606,21.8263849229012,8.124751697461798,0.9169929183323816,763,20,171,13,17,260,116,206,0.157,0.7240000000000001,0.119,-0.8737,2,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,0,6,12,16,3,0,7,1,23,3,1,2,2,32,40,14,4,3,9,0,1,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,8,1,25,9,21,27,7,22,0,2,0,0,9,11,1,7,11,112,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234411493810558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859038157694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832781832242066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713441311713296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749137363019952,0.0,0.3977038626040311,0.1117222250443958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110309204216708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649430901787014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686999714565245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387258836692561,0.09024501252462036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519331834645695,0.0,0.13199686766929303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103185941714143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507117157041727,0.0,0.27951485868602605,0.0,0.2776947642836092,0.1029699180775118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922550865079833,0.12342984976664895,0.0,0.1115453207400687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789622637946788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016592605341496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742790820341547,0.0,0.0,0.1185453628262416,0.0,0.0,0.1438193115379881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515260716468986,0.0,0.0,0.27732893610559795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787895583765407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966850866720706,0.0,0.28398417363974104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070682070823195,0.0,0.08576486916207134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026913542518527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287336952512497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stupidthrowaway260,2018/01/09,"Suicide hotline chat keeps kicking me out. I think I'm meant to do this The last couple of months I've been felling almost a patriotic-like sense of duty about killing myself. I'm deteriorating really quickly. I'm not making enough money to sustain myself anymore and I'm not bringing meaning or joy to anyone's life.  I think I've reached a point where i don't feel guilty doing this.  I think I'm supposed to.  I'm not religious anymore but i was deeply religious for a time (ive tried everything) and although i know science and common sense prove that there's no god, i still have this sense that there's some sort of authority who wants me to die. I don't expect any answers but i wss all geared up to talk to a human so i thought I'd post here.  ",2.3594805194805204,4.341591961038965,3.8714285714285737,86.89857142857143,77.44155844155844,6.218181818181819,25.935064935064936,7.1686216300943375,1.190303896103896,598,23,122,7,14,198,96,154,0.099,0.836,0.065,-0.8259,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,2,29,26,8,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,10,1,1,2,6,1,0,0,4,1,15,1,14,22,3,13,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,6,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954626897865167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274139411954086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38716810591155576,0.13648704238149054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598297270571312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025847985352269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169180563247205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543145591056436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869801882380697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350103027684,0.2159577644297604,0.0,0.10727576482061207,0.15911249524314988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787418292477324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029624011787386,0.0,0.0,0.21262794315656985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580525230836598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845252876640332,0.0,0.1869458114868489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504889411961453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588544598999682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213515027388873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689282993273618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752251609538865,0.0,0.154965478795017,0.11382157541321512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252668926382036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513289027588415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HaydenXAve,2018/01/09,"I just can't do it anymore. Every day is a struggle. Every day is a fight against myself. I have PTSD, I do nightmares every damn night since I'm 6. I go to therapy once a week but I don't see the point anymore. The pills don't help, the psychiatrist neither. 
I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to try again, it's been 10 years that it's the same. Nothing changes, I'm a mess and I want to die. I live in a constent atrocious circle and I can't escape. I'm tired. So tired. It's worse every morning, the only moment when I don't feel nothing is when I'm feeling pain, hurting like a stab in the chest.

I want to sleep and never wake up, it's too much to bear.

I just needed to get this all off my chest. I'm sorry.",-1.3178834355828215,0.5892064601227034,1.487886503067486,98.91121625766873,91.760736196319,3.7507975460122704,17.9659509202454,4.935628992294339,-0.7501727607361963,555,16,137,2,20,192,87,163,0.214,0.669,0.117,-0.962,0,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,12,0,14,8,4,0,2,17,30,7,1,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,1,3,15,1,14,29,4,17,0,1,1,0,2,6,1,0,11,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26759826126251063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272186450129384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740176417315803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400201592499634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546858173264492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364338530164914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097472564267408,0.0,0.07667513363198977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043048013345026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442897768569699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659125080549838,0.0,0.11913215264663025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917782864596726,0.10003754121940496,0.10405453456159046,0.0,0.0,0.12660830742219514,0.0,0.2589085883663688,0.0,0.0,0.143679753319025,0.0,0.10260870952373348,0.1435587539513102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275380006356719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770806558584474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750954915211493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116028347545558,0.0,0.13501213468351894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102596202833446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410421385028054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428671841195765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101292038606562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159822587756414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318304744440825,0.0,0.10822043513269727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748960630248674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688064402739837
suicidewatch,Mr_StealYoNuts,2018/01/09,"I need your help, I think one of my friends is suicidal. Thanks in advance.
I have a friend who I fear is thinking about killing himself.
He has always been emotionally unstable, with symptoms pointing to aspergers and autism. It started a few weeks back when he got drunk at a party and broke down and got very depressed. I was not present at that event, so I cant describe it closer, but I know that the thing I am going to describe was not singular. I went to a party with him a few days ago, where he again got drunk and broke hard, crying and talking about killing himself. He was very detailed about even possibly not surviving the night. He thinks of events like these as ""showing weakness"", his reasons for suicide contemplations are ""having no friends, noone caring about him, and having not accomplished anything in his life"". FYI, we are in our early twenties. I think I am the only one he can talk to this about, since all of his other friends I know of are incapable of talking to someone in this situation, and ignoring his breakdowns completely. His parents are dismissive of the possibility of suicide, his two siblings too young to understand. I think he himself would not search for help, as he thinks of it as weakness as said before. I do not want to risk my perceived position as the only one he can talk to about this by telling him directly that I think he should search for help. I dont know what to do next, please help me. ",7.351253041362529,7.10744597445256,6.865386861313869,78.37608515815089,63.708029197080286,9.934403892944037,37.244768856447685,9.3871,3.3459384914841843,1143,52,215,18,15,356,144,274,0.202,0.6509999999999999,0.147,-0.9598,1,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,2,1,0,3,13,17,2,2,10,0,24,6,0,1,1,36,46,15,5,4,7,1,1,1,4,2,4,1,0,0,14,10,2,1,13,3,0,3,9,10,0,4,9,2,34,7,41,35,3,28,0,3,0,0,41,10,0,0,16,152,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814954358777443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649785305117937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756552336625137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069286535855704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823049483073187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373455598750456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963928144522044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098703078354401,0.05929090987111281,0.0,0.07918406903373094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774793574823632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341526914490752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060722651540474924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345320299084614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841171224479692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224916729468373,0.0,0.22058809248441935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235631393926464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24649020151481935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342642361960225,0.0,0.15157634111561966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493689174807081,0.04491513085202127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816914401490907,0.0,0.0,0.097774641834014,0.08627541058029654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689399429892306,0.13984245936965392,0.0,0.0,0.10208369609181346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091777214169867,0.08690893665247558,0.20728733793356333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452519396711173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745188757104068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605014699601258,0.1033395596206792,0.0,0.0,0.07789680584415598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507254960174433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016881462362528,0.0,0.0,0.0955563761577886,0.0,0.2955776780617271,0.08035583915147655,0.08464202493700622,0.0,0.0,0.061077982651906775,0.4123607141620476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980780349167337,0.09570828826544056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171313347989504,0.05422604779146254,0.0,0.07374525940953397,0.0,0.0,0.0852252991842138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530847142351527,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZeetleCR,2018/01/09,"I just told my mom about my depression I still have not thrown out the word suicide but it's still a considerable step for me. now I feel better overall.  
If anyone else has been terrified to reach out to family members or friends like I have, please try to give it a shot. There's always someone who can help you feel better. ",3.7650769230769257,5.261736892307695,4.366153846153846,86.91384615384617,72.38461538461539,7.661538461538463,25.30769230769231,8.238735603445708,1.4193692307692305,258,8,53,4,5,82,51,65,0.132,0.585,0.28300000000000003,0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,9,3,1,1,5,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,4,7,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924542781909745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902892279457695,0.2330356210291819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40229828922455496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589076585874632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999405215596732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440693648378628,0.0,0.2299975051351463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571691310220333,0.0,0.0,0.21817786145460866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524459242263936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111140092775514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26637093666236666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965703221407626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270624938788652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632622426655102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487786694886417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732536856189602,0.0,0.1544144870269026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SirCidTheXVII,2018/01/09,"It's peaceful and cold outside... I don't know how to hope anymore. I have tried. So. Hard. I've been through so much therapy, tried so many medications, improved my social life, exercised, ate better, lived as though I cared. I still don't care. I can't remember what it feels like to care. I'm still a coward. I feel so guilty for trying to kill myself. I can't kid myself, I know it will hurt so many people. But I can't handle this pain anymore. It hurts too much all the time. I can't think, everything in my head is awful. 

There were things I wanted to do, but I can't bring myself to do them. All living is is just more and more pain and I want it to stop so bad. I don't want to die, I just want it to stop but I don't see any other way. Every time I look for another solution it just hurts even more. People are out of answers. I've asked for help but I can't receive it. I believe that death will be the only thing that will free me, and everything else I tell myself feels like a lie. I've been lying to myself for years and I still don't believe anything else. Maybe I need to go to the hospital, but I don't know what help they'll give me. I can't do this, it'll wreck my brother and my friends. But I can't do anything. Every path of upward mobility seems out of my reach. I was supposed to do well, brilliant ivy league kid, but I can't even graduate. I can't imagine a happy future. I keep searching but I see nothing but black. Depression has ruined my mind. I can no longer think clearly. I'm only 23. HOW DOES ANYONE HOLD ON! 

Everyone believes in me. They are all wrong. Those odds don't make any sense, but they are all wrong. I can't un-think what I've thought. I can't un-conclude the conclusions I've made. I don't want to die but it's the only way. The cold will finally bring me peace.

I'm so sorry

If anyone can PLEASE give me something to grab, something new, something to keep me going just a little, I need it.",-0.2162711864406788,1.9441180290556908,1.888542857142859,96.23463510895886,89.04842615012106,4.756784503631962,18.187360774818398,6.2581,-0.2272451912832931,1498,41,344,15,50,499,178,413,0.174,0.657,0.16899999999999998,-0.6355,0,0,3,0,0,3,63.0,0,0,4,2,22,22,1,0,10,1,46,7,1,4,5,61,85,29,4,9,16,1,5,2,1,6,5,0,0,2,22,8,1,5,14,1,1,5,21,11,1,0,7,11,56,12,29,71,9,24,0,5,4,0,16,6,0,3,13,211,78,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345012906429277,0.07975809578201477,0.0,0.0,0.15086699515171084,0.10636924708846528,0.0,0.12518580719620326,0.0,0.071108109656059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350895663534355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25708895422784844,0.0,0.06727104318166963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326521673137264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551246436754536,0.0,0.1578815989838081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665627500105639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708080972932312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100477042766106,0.0,0.12817176515741294,0.07268091684495899,0.13672002525106106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537835865108373,0.10867803844869056,0.0,0.08332268034901379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058765649099988826,0.0,0.0,0.14593203831403684,0.08645607007563001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809698771216767,0.06813700215494266,0.0,0.07806200298723168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019660945739594,0.0,0.0,0.07554716105112946,0.0,0.0,0.2442792315630853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352155753220663,0.08415181545620835,0.0,0.1254057762814623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537251477310725,0.0743205279903772,0.07623454283730728,0.13432904840977755,0.0,0.06387328912970641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197211572212463,0.05077226642899129,0.15423074254980934,0.07641494009381902,0.0,0.0,0.07662490174046138,0.0,0.0,0.07680137704062337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182928411339838,0.11279866449753664,0.0,0.07346157432309221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298395841871172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354672944292174,0.16187158865813006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546423144791199,0.0,0.0,0.08349371321987474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616391210258947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122382674813773,0.0692443847079043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753607437392109,0.0,0.17566973710677874,0.0,0.08514566938370187,0.0,0.0,0.18223067808509685,0.12718320410292525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664819213432037,0.0,0.08698402406955838,0.0,0.10106500489183214,0.146213212488535,0.07473095683328396,0.06038507764735945,0.08870523580756083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492420280510755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431797627233005,0.12074964200356612,0.0,0.0,0.0683892643781181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632466579802746,0.0,0.048981714751878784
suicidewatch,wheresmysunshine,2018/01/09,"I'm so alone I'm not suicidal, but I'm pretty damn depressed. I've got no friends, no one to talk to, and on top of all that, I have schizophrenia. I don't have any active symptoms now, but living in dread of having an episode isn't how I'd like to live my life. I also have really bad health anxiety and am worrying about having some horrible brain disease(besides the schizophrenia). 


I have nowhere to meet friends. Nobody to go out with.",3.4816233766233746,5.097800409090913,4.196948051948056,87.3636363636364,73.31818181818181,7.755844155844157,27.34415584415585,8.418075326091056,1.8239883116883115,348,13,71,6,7,111,63,88,0.343,0.511,0.146,-0.9726,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,1,2,0,9,4,1,1,1,10,14,7,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,5,3,12,13,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,43,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23369949753839955,0.0,0.18044770649523367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344589679974116,0.0,0.17261731140012307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884036084608395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518937215142208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434714944031686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486645327068674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823888502151104,0.0,0.18046840102210365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23984939420340504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937927867000598,0.1102384324820529,0.0,0.3984961930145868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290245240296962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956142624159614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455354962386552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468182971500364,0.0,0.0,0.2345308790484349,0.0,0.18136438260394894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22915279214286466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RecuperativeGrid,2018/01/09,"I'm lucid and death feels very reasonable to me Unlike a lot of folks here, I'm not all angsty over this decision. I've come to terms with it and I'm as clear headed as one possibly could be. Is it not possible for this to be a rational choice?

I'm not going to say for sure that I'm going to off myself, I just don't know. But I do have a plan, a date, and the means to do it. I've written my will and got my financial affairs in order. From everything I know, that makes me high risk. I'd have to agree.

In my head, I can with ease replay every humiliation, every mis-step, and every mis-calculation of my life. When I think about it, it makes me want to die.

Time will tell.",0.4812244897959168,2.1808327346938796,3.0342517006802763,92.01015306122451,82.19727891156462,6.648979591836735,17.982993197278915,7.7094869923839395,0.25522585034013545,520,11,125,9,14,181,87,147,0.095,0.826,0.078,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,0,12,3,2,3,3,28,30,9,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,2,2,13,1,22,23,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942711735609346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849989301482388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003215026384106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384622140817239,0.0,0.15590163951024782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771051275370623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971714537889027,0.0,0.13873801611156428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560559391885815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327821493554214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066669119790453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252541058010773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747608826133884,0.0,0.0,0.23158215670003116,0.0,0.0,0.1889572469871112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754624513120547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39111767601845415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835375068331266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379485270856088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349131308301612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161847017163801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115113777548567,0.0,0.0,0.10115044720147567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312907093040125,0.10231578061299612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SchoolRefusal2018,2018/01/09,"I rather die than to go to school tomorrow I can't escape school forever, and run away from my commitments forever. Why not just end it all with a simple jump into the waters?

I tried overdosing once, and I failed. 

Drowning is a more sure method of going.",2.504200000000001,4.877469020000003,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,78.8,8.0,22.0,8.841846274778883,1.7378,201,6,39,5,5,66,42,50,0.172,0.748,0.081,-0.6833,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,10,4,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,4,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,26,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778893022473106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30696659707028673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619678727209249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361902311352721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149895356532447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5986779266417318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787633872844216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081105353634068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668899274965759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dennisssss_,2018/01/09,"Not scared to die I've read a lot of people saying "" I want to die but i have fear of trying to kill myself. "" I'm full of pain and despair, and I can't even hold my phone. It is normal if I'm not scared at all to kill myself? My family don't give a fuck about me, they say it's just sadness and i'm useless. I don't answer to them, and I also feel fucking bad because a girl promised me multiple times she will never leave me for my problems and some weeks ago she left me saying : "" I don't want any relationships now."" And after, I see her in relationship with another guy. Yeah, I know, it's stupid to suffer for these things but, is not the fact that she is in relationship with another guy that hurts me, but it hurts that she disappointed me a lot, and she is a really great person, but I can't accept that she is a whore.. sorry for my bad english, also I've broke my arm and I don't want to go to the hospital because the hospital in my city sucks and last time they hurt me a lot. It can seem stupid but she was my family, sometimes i was really happy because of her.. we shared smoke, we was happy, and now? Now I'm realizing that she is a huge disappointment. Fuck her.",2.2745073684210517,3.3297009560000035,4.362378947368423,87.22213684210527,75.44,7.663157894736841,21.957894736842107,8.20500826718156,0.9197999999999996,909,22,207,15,19,314,118,250,0.303,0.551,0.146,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,3,33.0,2,0,3,0,8,32,8,3,11,1,18,6,1,0,3,43,35,18,4,6,10,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,12,14,0,1,6,1,0,1,10,26,0,0,3,5,43,6,23,31,6,18,0,10,1,4,29,7,4,6,10,140,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864902219704238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605393601701942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635117903782689,0.20462202380278052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293432170001024,0.1784339263473354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025252232298828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444429131279272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839612715963275,0.10979376199242014,0.04933449705793912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706066294981223,0.0,0.0935983636667285,0.05545147440976035,0.0,0.0,0.10757164755951344,0.0,0.1932199590223432,0.0,0.2077308887737517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133532103878164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589425645754154,0.0,0.0536221088021888,0.07953285204708785,0.0,0.10331290514211904,0.10601046310566258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488524492910785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525226350638213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559821994882886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103821724122916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764299055188484,0.08519466000319756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336164104360437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759674687372674,0.0,0.12501212025452704,0.0,0.0,0.3142621009507999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277555870967465,0.19536986916027926,0.0,0.07775093085884284,0.08882437573882462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964995640479607,0.10922201073451586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648214003664438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378810323189148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624385817972764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264854870270874,0.0,0.07826504376472597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pantsdancetrance,2018/01/09,"Hanging by shower hose I just wanted to feel what it’s like to hang oneself. I tied a knot in the shower hose and put my head through the loop. I let my body grow heavy and felt pressure in my throat first, then my head and face and eyes. Vision started going black. Then I stood back up and laid on the floor of the bathroom and burned myself with a lighter. I think I experienced mild psychosis because I was acting so strange. I want so bad to die. I’m jealous of all the dead people. 
I’m a mom of two young boys. I want out of my marriage. My 3 year old has violent tantrums and if I don’t get out of the way fast enough, he bites and hits me repeatedly. I’m not cut out to be a mom but woops took becoming a mother to figure that out. ",1.7281256085686465,3.088562981012661,3.115822784810124,94.37099805258036,77.41772151898734,5.8741966893865625,22.913339824732233,6.297961479604792,0.248515481986368,573,17,135,4,13,187,104,158,0.115,0.836,0.049,-0.8713,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,4,1,11,0,5,6,6,0,1,25,20,14,2,4,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,13,0,0,4,0,0,7,2,6,0,2,4,5,19,1,21,13,2,27,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,1,11,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011257988292553,0.15214244848993014,0.11107696305647376,0.201242858744726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240049878675345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911106648171674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827746573071466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921337026981178,0.13017488983171918,0.17495558990681573,0.0,0.0,0.1549925305459338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520015137841836,0.0,0.10355734753799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740116323024656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632783768405928,0.0,0.08902135777828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268175112847239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120466251462195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263253818884536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317704678919589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897316805615106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675642475287434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244828094530415,0.0,0.0,0.17799820359543578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224265170628125,0.14463429382243456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734089817244653
suicidewatch,Nobody_fl,2018/01/09,"Does anyone feel the same way? I hate reality. I hate people. Most of them are either assholes or hypocrits. Many of them are drunkards, junkies, thiefs, generally a human scums which shouldn't be alive. There are also pathological families with children who are forced to live with these assholes. If Ihad any power over this I'd fucking make test for a license to have a child and then regular controls for every young pairs. Same with the human scums, I'd just kill every single junky, drunkard (my mother's one and I no longer can stand the sight of her being drunk) etc.

Not to. Mention every  people in need from poor countries. They're often hungry and without medicines and there we go in uk some junky probably just wasted a months worth of food for them without batting an eye.

It's hard to accept this unfairness. I can't not give a fuck and live ignorant to what's happening around me. I keep thinking about this things and why I can't be a hypocrit and egoist as the rest of the people I know.

I can't enjoy life not to mention that I've got some chronic headaches and clinical depression which only make everything even worse.
I'm 24yo virgin and never had a girlfriend and it doesn't seem like it's going to change anytime soon.
Even if it had I doubt I could keep a relationship going the way I am now. 
I'm concerned about dragging along some innocent person who enjoys life. 

I'm anxious af, I only go out to work and to buy some food and stuff. I'm scared for going out and talking with people. I spend an hour a day just to make sure I've closed all windows and door. My doctor doesn't seem to give a fuck about me. When I asked for some basic tests and xray she said that they're too busy for that. 

I'm thinking about killing myself using hellium gas and plastic bag.
I've tried taking some antidepressants but the don't seem to work and after a year of testing different ones I've had enough.

Before I do anything, I was wondering if any of you feel the same way.",3.4484385843164453,5.338902078880409,4.09729354614851,86.89841776544067,74.01272264631044,6.595697432338652,24.88619014573213,7.348242739294969,1.1228412213740449,1579,51,308,18,33,501,213,393,0.118,0.858,0.024,-0.977,2,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,1,3,4,18,17,7,2,21,0,23,15,1,5,3,78,61,26,2,6,14,1,3,1,1,1,7,1,2,5,18,27,3,4,10,1,4,5,14,12,0,2,6,6,28,5,45,50,16,27,0,1,2,4,24,7,3,17,12,194,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112445863341982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096309286911855,0.0,0.0,0.10047571562383067,0.0,0.06218819266036753,0.0,0.07318919057297085,0.07917453551283035,0.08314592692994756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568050903557287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940856326868812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975261252029403,0.07101052697800449,0.0,0.0,0.057358275055488524,0.0,0.07660300072174092,0.0,0.0,0.09292228932658464,0.0,0.09103279992736464,0.07783108811925972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918977263177222,0.09919045656414023,0.11748669591100587,0.0,0.2248047431961074,0.0,0.07993260743654633,0.0,0.08384374137399092,0.0,0.08994042661801954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509070040072711,0.0,0.0,0.2466679215776947,0.0,0.17063671996184654,0.2527303186629657,0.0,0.07113261549531012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864843352794518,0.0,0.07967184375738512,0.17561763081856016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758696569595094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810607819415404,0.19679557599793795,0.0,0.048878529522280965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564044323931106,0.043451086096735266,0.0,0.15706947207106733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781023504207174,0.09017015156516203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099023379060211,0.0,0.0,0.06594711602847893,0.06859521316075179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205346896572577,0.1352841821182536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466363210639501,0.07765807419974134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589124752073773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548716454328572,0.0,0.0,0.08460132307507905,0.0,0.08904342006337773,0.0,0.0,0.2429000818224681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181383711635747,0.0,0.0,0.08382392250013,0.0,0.06687103351766861,0.07148577157688074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908709676404013,0.11397699587821672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383719514877476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681471035362332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178683330369671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802535828556009,0.0,0.0,0.17146797802983282,0.09645051427820113,0.1294972523855894,0.0,0.09063640418404433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057273777848434564
suicidewatch,Chang-San,2018/01/09,"Not Certain of why I am still existing (Vent) I should've killed myself months ago, That would have been closer to ideal death. Now I am stuck not really enjoying life, just existing. I have been suicidal for over a year, not driven by rashness but logic, the world is just incredibly disappointing, and I have little reason to stick around. Death is a cost all things pay, even the stars die. This world isn't worth progressing in and I have no real stakes in it. If things don't change I will settle for a less than ideal death. 

*Will probably delete later",3.4653773584905667,5.870342141509436,4.017584905660378,85.13826415094344,75.69811320754717,7.636226415094339,20.033962264150947,8.548686976883017,1.1725086792452837,441,10,84,9,10,139,75,106,0.321,0.625,0.054000000000000006,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,1,0,5,0,15,2,1,1,2,18,17,4,6,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,8,4,11,10,2,15,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,6,59,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160503762333132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696980416946746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578321573597989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529514301079873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609802017733205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269649182714629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215246157636666,0.0,0.2442797230132331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454155333813886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627802621307305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27741609241912124,0.15613854953425094,0.2505932203462025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464168477248545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26659913240316513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238444212093582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199268242408081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731375465423623,0.0,0.0,0.15695299357716685
suicidewatch,ChaseLights,2018/01/09,"Out of Reasons. Today is my birthday, and I am out of reasons not to end everything. 

I've heard all the platitudes and reasons not to do it - I've even come up with a few of my own (""suicide is not a choice, it's just giving up"", ""it gets better""). I've been waiting and fighting for it to get better for maybe 10 years today and though I will concede there have been glimmers of happiness, my life has been in a tailspin. All of my friends disappeared when I needed them most, especially during high school - at the end of high school, I actually ran away from home and ended up at a friend's house, only to have her drop me home and subsequently stop talking to me altogether. 

My relationship with my mom is one of forced acceptance, she's financially reliant on me now because she can't work, but she criticizes everything I do. When I confront her about it, she tells me it's not true - but continues to criticize everything about me, even when I make it clear I can't handle it. My dad never took care of me, and made it clear over my lifetime that he never wanted me. 

There have been times where I have felt romantic attraction to people, only to have it blow up in my face because it was made clear to me it wasn't going to go anywhere. I have to wonder what is it about me that makes it so easy to be left behind. 

I haven't made it to college because of my mother's illnesses, and when she was more able-bodied, she complained about me working so much and she felt depressed being home alone. 

There's a lot more I could add to this, but I don't feel hopeful about the future. It's clear I'm going nowhere fast and that nobody actually cares. It's like I tell people I'm drowning and they say I should find a life vest or they just ignore the fact that I'm drowning altogether. 

I don't have any more reasons to be alive. There were things I wanted, and dreams I had - and to an extent, I still have them but I know now they're not coming true. I just don't see any point in being here anymore. And I don't think anyone can convince me to stick around anymore. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I have an intense fear of death and the idea that nothing might come after and the surety that me and who I am will be gone. But I've been thinking that it might not be so bad to not exist anymore. ",5.333706822612086,4.947476951578949,6.052163742690059,83.00588693957114,67.90526315789475,8.805458089668617,29.592592592592588,8.167268648758528,1.8348183235867443,1812,57,384,21,27,595,209,475,0.128,0.755,0.116,-0.8427,0,1,0,0,2,1,49.0,0,0,4,4,29,21,2,1,15,0,51,4,1,10,11,86,87,31,4,6,16,3,3,1,2,5,3,2,3,0,30,26,0,3,15,1,0,10,18,7,0,1,20,6,60,14,55,55,11,53,0,1,1,0,29,20,0,7,23,277,90,5,0.0,0.0,0.14702303864038505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801948621686093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245439255541547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412228701024225,0.05267270662491228,0.0,0.0,0.06705994985264728,0.0,0.0,0.07077530913283157,0.0,0.06289766511415835,0.18368263935718734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324708104450358,0.0,0.08367499614987743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360854996462334,0.0,0.0,0.19467118429784067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060145125542079785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488188852247563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708906470306945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016089527109354,0.0,0.0,0.09950992304676703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031060849893144,0.0,0.0,0.08476754561433099,0.03808926986223174,0.0,0.1446578284105538,0.0,0.06885054169593895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640002648855498,0.0,0.07871395918297261,0.07226370075645917,0.12843585922675035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019051934321271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591812239919438,0.22668733910349756,0.07481999843585722,0.0,0.08692106758681277,0.0,0.08503875455679638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139957016993336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184660588937641,0.0,0.10641605622968532,0.03680258603118595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404313858916624,0.0,0.21383809176271595,0.10056713824709,0.0,0.07567942486185834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159827116268449,0.0,0.0882259525730648,0.0,0.0,0.0553764479434559,0.05585647285647605,0.11619876327398798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722814673477269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104576990293951,0.17187629349406788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444910863865862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712114950431606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872605419485956,0.0,0.08087656497595168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990568872873354,0.0,0.15247659764664906,0.0600285067068625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015888556493638,0.06297951504496614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239913622151565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054765242476948,0.13168402840564233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004611293605806,0.0965372462047471,0.07401165041254487,0.0,0.0439257115160307,0.0,0.14280865786368885,0.0,0.08369474991509407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886354113278476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169251147308673,0.10968273062525216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851025200855492
suicidewatch,itstimetoendit,2018/01/09,"Legacy of an utter failure. I have enough with all these failures and not amounting to anything in my entire life. I will end it all after a week from now on, I've chosen a spot and is committed to it. This way, I will at least be a footnote on a newspaper print and raise awareness this way.

My parents divorced each other when I was at an early age, I've lived with my mother however, we continuously moved around the world so I never had anytime to develop any social skills. In addition to this, she has remarried numerous time with different men, all however end up in divorces due to fighting between them, thus leading to us moving and me having no friends at all in my entire life.

I have wasted so much time doing absolutely nothing due to this mental illness, I highly suspect that I have schizophrenia at an early age and it is only getting worst as i grow older. My mother refused to get me treatment and diagnosis due to her thinking that I am simply making it up and mental illness does not exist. Thus, she constantly berates me and call me stupid when I mess up simple things

I've managed to enter university but I am simply unable to keep up with the pressure and due to mental illness. It has been already spring but I have not managed to obtain an internship with any company whatsoever, I have applied at over 50 places but not a single one called back, I dropped my standard to the lowest point but nothing has changed. Working a minimum wage job will mean my mother will begin to belittle me again.

I have tried everything, from steeling my mind and trying to become a stoic, not giving a damn about people opinion, understanding the scale of things and how I should live only for myself or help others. However, these all failed due to the constant bickering of my subconscious and I always fail, even at realizing myself. 

This is the end for me, there is no turning back from this. I am a kissless, hugless, hand holdingless, eye contactless, virgin who is in his early 20s with a goddamn 4 inch dick. People look at me in disgust and stay away from me as if I am going to shoot up the school. The closest time I've experienced friendship was due to my middle school giving an outreach to other student to prevent mass shooting. How sad is that?

I have tried taking conversational classes, meditation, self help and finding a hobby (writing). I have no friends in real life, heck, or even acquaintances. Most of my online friends have ghosted me, I cant no longer enjoy video games anymore or my hobby. 

My mother is currently struggling with her job and my tuition fees. The only other option for me is to leave my family behind forever but I am most likely going to die homeless painfully or be locked up in jail due to potentially harming others or getting into crime. 

Suicide right now seem to be the safest option and least painful for everyone involved. I do not drink, smoke cigarettes or do drugs, I rather have this little strength that I still have before I end it all. I must end this monster that lies deep in me before it can consume anything, at all. Thank you for reading.



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suicidewatch,Swagmaster143,2018/01/09,"My parents think i am and will be a loser. i turned 17 two days ago and things have been tough. Me and my mother just had a fight. She said im going to be a loser and called me a fatass(im very insecure about this, im a guy with a wide ass and i was bullied for a whole year constantly about this many years ago and that insult really hurt me and reminded me about my constant insecurity)

I feel like they are controlling my life. Every single device I own is either monitored or restricted or has no internet connection. I can't play video games at all. My ipad and laptop are restricted to a point where im surprised reddit even opens. My phone has no internet so i can't text my friends ever. When i need internet on my phone my mother turns on hotspot but checks on what im checking. 

i got 28/42 on my first report card this year, but i should have gotten 2-3 points more since i switched courses during the term and had a test the day after and i had a project that day too(partner didnt do anything,had to do by myself). since i was late to the course that test was my final grade, which i barely passed.

I am in IB and the difficulty jump was overwhelming for me since my previous program was easier, so i had a rough start. My parents don't believe this and now they mock me and check on me every minute to see if im studying.

I get they want me to get better grades, but this lack of privacy and calling me useless and saying i will end up nowhere is really depressing.

I passed the breaking point today, i just got back from school, i was watching a funny youtube video and was laughing out loud and my mom bursts in and says im useless.

I'm really sad right now and im thinking of cutting myself. I got slapped in the face by that fatass insult because i was bullied harshly and now my own parents have reached a point where they want to make fun of me about it. I feel trapped and i feel like im alone on this planet.

Being called useless even though i'm way above passing and tried going to the gym makes me feel worthless even to my own parents... its like im good enough.

I know this isnt much compared to other people on this subreddit,  if im overreacting please tell me. This is going to make my life a misery if this goes on. I was glad that the bullying is long over, but now its back and i don't want this.

(ofcourse im writing this instead of studying, thx mom)",3.1953563154991715,4.440484904081637,4.312824048538335,87.72943463872038,73.42857142857143,7.33811362382791,26.100386100386103,7.824948511530503,1.3447192498621074,1873,63,397,25,37,612,231,490,0.16899999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.102,-0.9862,4,2,0,0,1,1,44.0,0,0,4,5,23,29,5,3,22,0,41,4,2,4,2,60,71,36,0,9,12,8,5,3,1,3,2,4,0,1,24,26,0,3,7,5,3,7,8,18,0,2,20,11,64,11,41,45,12,60,0,10,2,1,29,24,1,5,30,258,88,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945339926665428,0.0,0.0,0.05809968366214952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627042346709403,0.0,0.034196275053702416,0.0,0.0,0.06320222834631582,0.0,0.04961333144435271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718442513261796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212420851310684,0.06291767424828422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085339774329374,0.0,0.048316355071613214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968538528293099,0.05796330604815099,0.0,0.11115482805523576,0.050743043864293486,0.09452846225960132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345752899560417,0.08015156726075864,0.0,0.06145163745749532,0.0,0.04771616958165677,0.0,0.0,0.04334048482742603,0.0,0.05861684497145181,0.0,0.09564383404434572,0.047051590880646615,0.13459794035725725,0.0,0.0,0.05554495436925491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600531120439724,0.0,0.7271340076000181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030829502310953133,0.0,0.06327997882054484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924608970549811,0.08221863703707084,0.0,0.0,0.04964417340725865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233576127487103,0.05687366054639505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314005047672079,0.0,0.0,0.041237827417953066,0.041595293186426616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249156789621086,0.0,0.0,0.0388906699143841,0.0,0.0,0.0615777765822743,0.2121195888737974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781172737447728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790662188939908,0.05336119377453659,0.08922134029512331,0.0,0.056773266005157724,0.04470213044835731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921231696021333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397058202532346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049031343095873314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037268424480816464,0.07188952065796518,0.05511512168037277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053173497086573714,0.0,0.0,0.038086252563700025,0.12203508495801994,0.054798721190457415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462859872932213,0.09926257937464028,0.044527271521056636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263041534214414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837409086112766
suicidewatch,_JustANobody_,2018/01/09,Tf is this Woke up after a night of heavy ass suicidal thoughts and now im feeling like I give zero fucks and I do not know why. My weight doesn't seem important rn even though I am a obese pig maybe it is about time I got my life together and break out of this shell. Might be some bipolar stuff I bet. If anyone needs a shitty friend hit me up and we can enjoy being shitty human beings together. ,1.370357142857145,3.29080460714286,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,80.30952380952381,6.104761904761905,18.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.1967904761904764,313,7,69,4,8,103,67,84,0.211,0.679,0.11,-0.8883,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,10,6,1,0,0,16,20,6,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,9,3,7,12,1,8,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,5,5,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461394525974696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554953416564572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190374557497991,0.16818696344866213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188801009475367,0.2176457084154482,0.0,0.22584016738118998,0.0,0.0,0.1882900912923622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542983353039967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938288184543836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662869442014434,0.11501628206607965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365150663362143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24974767630408906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745639241718728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092949013914895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432118146651588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695041726214691,0.2575156616881295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313028995520027,0.18690037089537545,0.13727763645195734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866830268291381,0.0,0.0,0.2124335557915277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uniSean,2018/01/09,"Intentionally starving I hurt a friend's feelings Sunday night by leaving a party without a word, so I intentionally starved myself yesterday and intended to cut as deep as I could last night. My roommate (who I just moved in with and doesn't know I starve or cut) made me eat, and noticed the scars on my wrist. We talked until late and I went to bed without cutting.

Now I'm even more mad at myself that I ate, and am starving myself again. What really worries me is that I don't feel depressed right now, but I also don't care if I live or die. I feel detached.",5.0570676691729295,5.282905508771936,5.977218045112783,81.21552631578948,68.47368421052633,8.268671679197995,31.19799498746867,7.957251820313856,2.0491994987468667,444,17,90,5,7,147,79,114,0.221,0.721,0.059,-0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,4,0,6,3,1,4,0,24,15,14,1,2,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,0,4,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,3,19,2,12,11,1,17,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,3,10,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510222585643426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254386304419327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078034156063674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265513163944667,0.0,0.19599516301267048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323939361632544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473280295313999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864627715643126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590405783867105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216646786358328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378632140885287,0.1539369176168033,0.21302958946181647,0.19996353403998565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675688560204766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869323143568228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071630984321667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544434742096314,0.0,0.0,0.2150055271022278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098133011330672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127578080490398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178945311061307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750646617050511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640868670367455,0.0,0.0,0.1917850489646144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,djentent,2018/01/09,"Trying to decide... Should I take a bunch of pills and fall asleep on the couch with my puppy, or should I take a bunch of pills and walk around town drinking until I pass out in a ditch? Should I let the cops find me or make my wife do it.. ",3.812243589743588,3.1847900961538462,4.1046153846153866,96.5070512820513,71.11538461538461,6.933333333333334,19.256410256410245,3.1291,-0.6830205128205131,183,1,47,0,3,57,37,52,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,5,4,1,1,0,13,8,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,9,4,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34135750841943824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756413050661312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35047221804217576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921101661290883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559601357914276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5766230073639008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034173625630563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sairamay,2018/01/09,a month i’m giving myself a month to change my mind about killing myself. But I don’t think it can change. who knows maybe it will.,0.562738095238096,2.6585821785714288,1.114285714285714,103.69738095238097,84.35714285714286,3.733333333333334,12.904761904761903,3.1291,-1.770895238095238,103,1,25,0,3,31,22,28,0.158,0.755,0.086,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6130520594387611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27796271758257346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205748043260895,0.0,0.1592436715906296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911013189122901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925734434046089,0.0,0.4625648760869315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566552101617206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eternally-deranged,2018/01/09,"I'm trying really hard not to kill myself today, but I just don't see the point anymore. I have nobody to talk to and I just want everything to end already.  I've been dealing with depression, severe anxiety, and PTSD since I was 7 years old.  I'm 20 now.  My 21st birthday is next month.  I've been suicidal for the past 4 years now, but have continued to convince myself that it will get better.  But nothing gets better.  Everything has just gotten progressively worse.  I have no friends or nobody that I can talk to.  My family doesn't care about me, and I know they would all be so much better off without me.  I want it all to end so badly today.  I'm trying to talk myself out of it, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up.  I have nothing to live for.",1.8604520795660056,3.608372405063293,3.7481374321880665,88.2913924050633,78.1139240506329,6.792766726943943,21.4122965641953,7.7094869923839395,0.8198828209764915,592,16,126,9,14,200,90,158,0.191,0.6759999999999999,0.132,-0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,4,9,9,1,0,2,0,17,0,0,1,2,24,30,11,2,3,10,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,2,19,6,18,23,4,17,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,13,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248766581002406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877681748764014,0.0,0.1280528252563464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078102114788001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34258972793984704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164693972805416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311755021308955,0.1112112843943624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228724849163545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320903320824025,0.0,0.12172330168240915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975816629355468,0.0,0.13492024815941325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566659257267277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147682196575952,0.14285268568890108,0.0,0.14192248335613478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401575371452922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306273912150088,0.0,0.18983682630803592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373211004719584,0.0,0.0,0.2477891752138277,0.0,0.13549022844073896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232601130713555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206059360693967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509349370859296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271788891028294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289230913544084,0.0,0.0,0.1458693951893399,0.0,0.1068097993575428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123685331703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113464641626211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447822439409152,0.0,0.0,0.17532866703621305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523172147152409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446753971473305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158480512804974,0.09172348778575304,0.0,0.0,0.16629871771678642
suicidewatch,rebeccadavi,2018/01/09,"I get bullied bacuase they said I'm too good in class and I should die I'm in high school and I'm not a social person. I love reading book and listening to music, so that's why I don't have many friends. I always pay (serious) attention in class and always due all the assignment early so that I can have time to do my hobbies. But my friends in class don't like me. They said I want attention from teacher, I need love and need help. I can't put anything on my table because they will come and throw it away. Yesterday they came and sat behind me in order to shout my name and stuffs.. They said if anybody stands up for me they will kick them out of the group. I have one best friend. We always walk into school together every morning but today she refused to go with me and walked away. I went to school and no one talked to me. They threw my homework away and said I don't have to do it because I'm already smart. I tried to ask them like what I have done to you? All they did is just push me and then walked away without any replies. I feel like I'm a problem. If I die they will be happy and I will not feel pain. I try to talk to a teacher but on one cares. I'm alone but they're in a big group . How do I fight them back? I think being myself is a problem. I hate myself. Why can't I get along with others? There must be something wrong. Being ignorant is so painful and I don't want to feel it anymore. They text me and tell me I should go and kill myself. One girl in a group changed her cover photo on facebook. That's the photo of a guy hanging himself. I knew it because she texted me and forced me to give a thumbs up for her new cover photo. I wish I could sleep and disapper! I hate this world. I hate the bullies. To all the bullies, If you have seen this, just so you know that you win. I'm a loser. You won't see me tomorrow and forever. Bye.",0.32563292653744824,2.3212059949748785,2.040387652548457,97.31214405360134,84.52763819095478,4.896003828667147,19.777698013878922,6.052691113681939,-0.1884955252452736,1438,41,337,11,42,470,181,398,0.204,0.7120000000000001,0.084,-0.9946,0,1,1,0,1,1,42.0,1,5,13,3,11,27,5,0,14,0,34,5,1,1,4,65,76,32,3,14,12,0,3,3,3,8,2,6,1,3,13,27,0,2,8,2,1,13,11,13,0,4,12,11,72,14,42,51,4,45,0,1,2,2,51,21,0,3,13,223,85,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762380782712785,0.09336216930338034,0.0,0.21119090190223905,0.0,0.0,0.05753334480675362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839040311552225,0.0,0.0,0.0696215488127113,0.0,0.07909293933999711,0.0,0.3179514445467118,0.06505494118525043,0.0,0.1547206961297783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878625182217954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676397238674277,0.08625900217601735,0.0,0.08949938395825924,0.07287850454427876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754908520659725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561034587654886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657884995985764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128217650370222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833435688387787,0.060440824149230736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960935795659249,0.0,0.08840377150895168,0.08115947611293843,0.0961643438299964,0.07096148029412329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377085898987338,0.0,0.09006209855005068,0.0,0.2505855993355358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670800540109276,0.08938834166369282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360134121722342,0.0,0.046495922449588896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239991269735277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271609267902245,0.0,0.0,0.08577476481837093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546498524414307,0.0,0.08171067786586754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293183382382402,0.0,0.18004837710540286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387259459042524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190842615845016,0.0,0.08504997920469516,0.0,0.0,0.0846264885014691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219095660427654,0.0,0.0,0.25687006038185545,0.0674181104091255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466469327098043,0.08624270926031431,0.0,0.0651319796858819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685087340238624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136002327564807,0.07394726983234358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421056661468252,0.0,0.0,0.04933303577329545,0.0,0.08019431426346424,0.0,0.0,0.11488057301321412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998027829792916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842837884422074,0.15268316789500438,0.0,0.09728995728798286,0.08155484511280846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250074827145788,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manwithahatwithatan,2018/01/09,"I don't want to go back to college and I'd rather just kill myself than suffer more embarrassment I've already dropped out of college twice and I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm living with my parents but they want me to leave and go somewhere this fall to make something of myself.

I have a novel that I'm writing and it's the only thing that makes me happy and I was planning to maybe try publishing it but I realize that I can't just bank my entire life on maybe publishing some stupid book. 

Nobody cares about writers or fiction or any of the things that I care about so most days I feel like I should just kill myself rather than deal with all of this. I want to leave my notes and outlines for the book somewhere where my family can find it so maybe the book can be published posthumously.

Thank you for reading and sorry for posting here so often",3.3535960591133005,5.0000917816092,3.837602627257798,89.68551724137932,73.71264367816093,6.3507389162561605,25.072249589490966,6.868970318607317,0.8791490968801309,686,22,140,6,14,215,101,174,0.14,0.737,0.124,0.4628,1,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,1,1,14,10,3,1,5,0,10,1,0,2,1,34,24,14,2,6,9,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,10,0,0,4,5,1,3,3,5,0,1,1,1,21,5,22,21,4,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,5,3,98,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598587735865133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851109940741948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366413740723608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138990440360677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953928427658171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342397919575474,0.1493463184966326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365629622271641,0.0,0.07324655890619511,0.10348941220139699,0.0,0.0,0.13240120580666728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646567788871891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542082486757034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205365883137493,0.0,0.07961234400426248,0.0,0.0,0.3067757955807357,0.0,0.0,0.10232028546865812,0.07077223573420395,0.0,0.1279157634784158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339296453532334,0.0,0.4365999246912012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017404728004483,0.0,0.0,0.16085206181924172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873771283882144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490116034919728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115218130805557,0.0,0.16216110268081416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336942870316934,0.0,0.0,0.19247969690444924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835176093184128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563300093597896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IrresponsibleDoily,2018/01/09,"I have ruined my life, wasted the time & resources of people who cared for me.. I need to die I don't necessarily want to die, but there is no other option left for me. I have wasted enough of my familys time and resources, and I think that it is time to acknowledge that I will never be anything and to just end everything. I am 28 years old, so this is not a conclusion I have arrived to because of teenage angst. It is simply too late for me.


I have seen the true nature of this world and it is not for me.


I pray for courage, although I am not sure anyone hears my prayers. I am very afraid of dying. I am not sure why, but I keep creating scenarios in my mind where I am cast to eternal suffering (hell), although the thought of non-existence equally frightens me. Dying should be the most natural thing in this world, but for some reason I can't get over the fear of unknown.",4.7569781615033015,4.9149373743016795,5.522844083291012,84.45002539360081,69.11173184357543,8.520264093448452,30.23920771965465,8.296473431620573,1.9812748603351955,686,25,145,9,11,224,101,179,0.189,0.727,0.084,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,1,2,6,0,20,1,0,1,4,29,29,10,4,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,11,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,2,25,5,22,23,4,16,2,2,1,0,2,7,1,3,9,108,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933623620239046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282569826013467,0.0,0.12101540990040598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964460372553876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499344482268238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104879409152868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302488843490814,0.15194922818782391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321653809478556,0.0,0.13863228504817285,0.16548004889251153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683123133813684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657439664532618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071104975081668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588674106228554,0.0,0.15977789903085685,0.0,0.10387073295690327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848568430636835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904092824990598,0.11341945132700693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431162078930896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195083200204376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119912450304548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771990306601184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769815977943012,0.09422821025508853,0.0,0.11674685952074405,0.2572504194842076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133745510088542,0.08673804947897917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269610101185353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469990921627652
suicidewatch,Its_me_the_user17,2018/01/09,"Suicide Note: Im a fuck up.

Im so sorry.

Shooting heroin and meth? What is wrong with me?

I just want to die. Honestly. I dont want to live anymore. Im done.

Goodbye. Tomorrow you wont have to deal with me anymore.",-3.237198581560285,-3.0882826808510617,0.4992021276595757,98.45958333333336,131.12765957446808,3.2687943262411348,18.81028368794326,5.46131890053228,-0.10885673758865266,162,7,38,2,12,58,34,47,0.366,0.534,0.1,-0.9514,0,0,1,1,0,3,11.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,8,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915057555064781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034952644075467,0.0,0.0,0.20485446345825772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019933821874913,0.2313337460355957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247924879020166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6396290034760701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429456830916354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095634361014166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590714946174527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284557019477936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158095078288592,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccovnt,2018/01/09,"I'm falling so low My depression is running rampant, ever since I started university I haven't been doing well...mentally. I have ADHD as well so I feel like I understand less than my peers, that I'm learning slower than them. I'm struggling to stay together in general. I want to be on this course so much, I worked so hard to get where I am. It feels like I never work hard enough in my life despite how much people tell me I've worked hard.

I have this painful confession...Last night I self harmed. I haven't done it since I was a teenager and it was just as painful as the last time. I still have the scars to remind me of my mistakes, they're all but faded but now I'll have a fresh one to remind me of how stupid I am.

I'm getting so close to just wanting to go, leaving behind my wonderful family and friends. I feel so selfish for being this way because I know my actions will hurt everyone I love. But nothing is helping anymore, i hide behind a fake smile these days and everyone seems to believe that it's real.

I'm going to see a doctor about my 'problems' but I doubt they'll do anything but give me a pat on the back and say ""chin up.""

I need someone to just listen to me for once, in that I'm not doing okay and I'm breaking down dangerously fast.",2.5078363208401235,3.9029224524714814,4.055502444323738,88.29291508238278,75.425855513308,6.8346188665580305,26.59225058844831,7.447530270364453,1.3030874162592792,987,37,211,12,21,329,146,263,0.189,0.7090000000000001,0.102,-0.9548,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,3,18,20,2,2,8,1,21,5,0,2,3,36,47,21,0,5,9,0,6,2,1,2,4,2,0,1,11,6,0,0,8,0,0,5,4,14,1,1,4,9,35,6,30,39,5,30,0,3,1,1,10,10,0,3,14,139,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808869493544698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395093499120515,0.0,0.0,0.09455374757939118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835179039422981,0.0,0.07004259407537408,0.0,0.0,0.1294541004178994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410165105977899,0.0,0.09896407840234164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760606065448205,0.0,0.11758363415385152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187234665302457,0.0,0.0,0.1039345489517228,0.0,0.2195856932703598,0.0,0.0,0.10831845380342067,0.0,0.17429222120876187,0.16417062037704402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877224145115299,0.0,0.12006207903834284,0.1102235263208813,0.13060179280267814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087862296950677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701573032869251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300391616494223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631465945492827,0.187319330543022,0.0,0.12166358762174602,0.0,0.0,0.08115798701154035,0.11226966700075457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370265474363308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893093776149706,0.08519764891140139,0.08861874847337832,0.0,0.0,0.10782682174650034,0.0,0.11025062562965918,0.0,0.0,0.12236583416323055,0.07785990343102367,0.0,0.2445255684658807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965789846568806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994475646574177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078251347196626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137390127050593,0.0,0.0,0.09156123502871737,0.10460157136982554,0.11986682071256555,0.0,0.0,0.19009461882078726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735525964912403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132753190397472,0.12246919707784422,0.09176010136609224,0.0,0.0,0.1201194916568416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042855416390802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699970758165033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961601189779995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554319475038404,0.09120307985403407,0.0,0.0,0.2066196284060849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246052526277216,0.2509479286169413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slugthrowaway2000,2018/01/09,"8 am and already drunk I don't fucking know what to do with my life. I have too much anxiety when I'm sober to leave the house. So sick of seeing doctors that throw depression meds at me. Nothing ever works or sticks, it just makes me sick. I just want to go to sleep.",-0.17120300751879824,2.0219687719298283,1.4558897243107791,99.12789473684214,89.35087719298247,4.660651629072682,18.669172932330827,6.18269132825596,-0.2803563909774436,208,6,49,2,7,67,47,57,0.263,0.716,0.021,-0.9311,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,1,0,4,7,1,1,1,9,11,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,7,11,1,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28983302956003004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009211400859853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262139904815015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688261914318034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757558749425844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24280917778734698,0.0,0.0,0.1492660427444197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30305470453305106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434169820928355,0.0,0.0,0.2781009644764172,0.0,0.0,0.18551248491080788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531621051919885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917371120606496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307279046972964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201299683074885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209292428966536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628326305032683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491361846689095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912071977763939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleBabyJessica,2018/01/09,"cya. i'm going to kill myself sometime in the next few days, cya peace.",-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,1.495000000000001,97.7025,92.33333333333334,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.3723333333333332,55,1,12,0,2,18,14,15,0.233,0.594,0.173,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31958915473789695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816328379470952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482533403287931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270237074529597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901122354773849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccountbum,2018/01/09,"3 weeks left. In 3 weeks my girlfriend of 3 years will fly out of state to visit her family for 2 weeks. 3 days before the end off her trip she will recieve a text saying that i love her, i want the best for her, to continue living without me and be better than me by never giving up. None of this is your fault and is my decision alone. I will then proceed to send out the other pre written text messages to family as well as sealing the paper copies and leaving them ontop of the stairs. I would have alredy packed my belongings and cleaned the apartment neatly, left enought food and water for the pet, and put in my 2 weeks notice at work. I will go back downstairs to the basement and proceed to end my life by hanging. I am dissapointed in myself and how unhappy i have become. I went from being the best shape in my life to the worst shape in 2 years due to a sedentary job and lifestyle. I am constantly afraid of going to the doctors for that slight headache i get often on my left temple. I am sick of this constant feeling of stress and dread that is relieved by xanax but then afraid of long term effects of xanax and afraid of being in debt from doctors visits. I moved across the country for a job that i have to have to pay off my car and credit card. Each day for me is a battle, my job is technically easy compared to most but i have to wind myself up just to get out of bed and leave the apartment. I hate going places because of how out of shape i am. The only thing that stops me is knowing the negative effect it will have on my family knowing that i ended my life but i just cant go on. I've been feeling this way for over a year now and brouggt it uo to my gf and she started crying and said i feel that way too and never let me fully said what i needed to say. I cant tell my family because they will treat me different or try to save me but nothing makes me happy anymore. I missed out on alot of oppurtunities as a child because i was socially awkward and quiet due to being bullied alot from 2nd grade to junior year in highschool. I was really happy for a period of a time when i was in shape before i met my first girlfriend who was a mental terrorist and infected me with hov which also added to my low self esteem. I am now almost 30 with no hope left, i am scared of the pain of hanging but it surely can't be worse than continuing to live with these feelings right? The pain from dying would be bad but only last a couple of minutes...  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suicidewatch,deaththekid922,2018/01/09,"i know i cant wait any longer if i dont kill myself now my life will just get worse and worse , i really hope i can just kill myself already i dont want to continue suffering this much all the time",0.6620454545454528,2.222554750000004,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,81.04545454545455,7.127272727272729,17.81818181818182,8.07648339933343,0.34374545454545524,155,3,38,3,4,53,32,44,0.214,0.569,0.217,0.284,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,10,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,1,9,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472272272962681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235088708611275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251326506816961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704858335966073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225164358340028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957211305823458,0.0,0.12312329580133233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582419275779627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469085917034235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352199684677056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063609960375933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214113112690962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566198251784247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WormwoodZoey,2018/01/09,"There’s something wrong with me I don’t know what the fuck it is. I have panic attacks too often, especially around people, even though I’m on medication and see a therapist. I get angry and break things and say things that I regret later. It’s interfering with my job now. I don’t make enough money to take care of my responsibilities and no one can take care of them for me. I could work more hours or find a better job but my anxiety won’t let me. I’ve tried a dozen different medications over the years but nothing works. There are a lot of people who want to help me but they can’t. Nothing works so I have to kill myself. And it’s not just anxiety. There’s something about me that makes me incompatible with reality. It can’t be fixed with medication or therapy so I just need to kill myself. I just can’t cope with reality. I can’t pay bills. Plus I’m trans, and I can’t cope with the fact that I’ll never be what I want to be. I’m going to kill myself because there isn’t any other option. I don’t really care anymore. My life has been so miserable. I’m not going to miss it. ",1.3936602870813388,3.3679354473684207,3.771116427432218,86.48433014354067,80.49122807017544,6.952472089314195,20.012759170653904,8.00094639256281,0.7708701754385965,854,22,188,16,22,296,117,228,0.198,0.723,0.079,-0.9844,4,0,2,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,2,4,17,14,5,2,7,0,22,5,0,2,2,38,43,16,3,5,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,14,14,0,0,2,0,3,2,14,10,0,2,1,2,28,4,22,36,3,11,0,3,1,1,5,3,1,5,5,128,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544529672009302,0.0,0.1697427503663161,0.0,0.11002601270236972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876312158956052,0.0,0.12621410086740684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763004924916878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812039597083616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393424823017511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857925423422182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591220964794426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463415932071437,0.0,0.07327705024258753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140023122541438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256535881234267,0.05796333235161776,0.0,0.1261033489103778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436300302477565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925687263789588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201883538360044,0.0,0.3682272072961316,0.0,0.06097157530587183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344711353565973,0.07836258395352072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432008668895854,0.0,0.0,0.1481111233222821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352913234761233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822631038706385,0.08556636719086662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290631335160748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517809945629908,0.0,0.0,0.13016814183525646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382832881724612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107316435804245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822662159489697,0.0,0.0,0.08840750283524962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081925446446866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683121590412947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268734135992624,0.12881380474144505,0.14741169201138796,0.0,0.10900129876028623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532326642461122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087454937053872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230428634720705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212991600542502,0.0,0.07144389353091653
suicidewatch,supergreatthrowaway,2018/01/09,"Everything feels wrong I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts on and off for probably six years now, since before I even entered high school. I don’t remember what I felt like before then. I’m at a point now where I can’t even imagine feeling at least content with myself, because I have no idea what that feeling is like.

I’m in way over my head. I haven’t spoken a word about how I feel to anyone, so here I am applying to universities and rehearsing for the school play and studying for exams and I hate all of it. I can’t stand it. I had my career path picked out for me and if I don’t go with it then I have no idea what the fuck else I’m supposed to do. I’m a lead in the play and I used to enjoy acting but that was before people were expecting me to be good at it. It all comes down to expectations, I think. I’m expected to ace my way through school because my older siblings flunked. I’m expected to get a nice degree because I’d be the first kid in this generation to do so. I’m supposed to be committed to theatre. I’m supposed to set a model for my grad class. I’m supposed to do all this stuff that I don’t care about, but if I say I want to do anything different then I’m letting such a giant group of people down. I’m all these things that I know I never wanted to be, but I’m so far in now that I don’t even know what it was that I wanted in the first place. I can’t think for myself. Whatever I’m told to do, I just do it. I feel like I’m just fulfilling everyone else’s plans. 

I feel like there’s a switch or something in my head, and all it needs is to be turned on, but I’m just too stupid to see exactly where it is so until I find it I’m just stumbling around with no real idea what the hell I’m actually looking for. I know it sounds like I’m just rambling because I don’t know what I want from life, but that’s just it: I don’t want anything. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to keep being here, I don’t want to do things and I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m jumping through hoop after hoop hoping that I’ll find something to keep me going. I’ve got all these things in my life that I just can’t connect with, and I don’t understand how other people seem to make it click so easily. Nothing clicks for me, and I don’t know how to fix that.

I think the only thing that I really, genuinely like in my life is my cat. I just got back from crying with him in the basement, and no one else in my household will pay attention to him if I’m not here, so I think he’s the one thing I’m holding out for.",2.3858800366300343,2.9071269964285733,4.212142857142858,90.43849816849821,74.57142857142857,7.457875457875459,24.71611721611722,7.61054688173877,0.9306062271062276,1978,58,474,24,39,674,203,560,0.078,0.805,0.117,0.9189,1,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,5,36,21,4,1,16,0,45,6,2,7,9,104,115,33,1,18,18,0,8,7,0,1,3,2,0,1,41,21,0,4,28,2,1,7,23,7,0,5,10,14,60,14,73,96,7,54,1,1,4,1,7,29,2,6,21,309,101,9,0.0,0.0,0.06787253047212402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048632240477535615,0.0,0.11447042160365838,0.06191585389505986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348104625558968,0.0,0.1695925434851728,0.0,0.1775503945731748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091270242178815,0.0,0.0,0.05991272302394244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639939387314172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266683476288854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430482967590474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137814937306333,0.0,0.0,0.06645973197858822,0.06250867922919953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461723832271021,0.1987512987120397,0.06678064171181987,0.0,0.1271381827635888,0.11832146267414664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429952464757507,0.03633794841021825,0.0,0.07905578925765759,0.058336755684217964,0.11125386715953338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866800986408354,0.14276043895566234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348530254778382,0.0,0.06908063757521986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23554657202067425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546252480010675,0.0,0.0,0.1911192704134332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112143473635048,0.14737949411124346,0.2378564972493981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058406000645348025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642637112041701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157178345755092,0.053642641140260836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673683445120754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426020861083244,0.05289728319902224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465539634649302,0.0,0.07266683476288854,0.0,0.06574893856063714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498861133636696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916518297147382,0.04455666841455203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878863879469493,0.0,0.0,0.05531038837579417,0.0,0.21117042503871786,0.05542378512014349,0.06331735273134156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057533973316952584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070887577433867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271064978799817,0.0796201786667919,0.07607838792872433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310356496965315,0.17826395768497846,0.0,0.05521636559030412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645973197858822,0.0,0.0,0.07565239349884609,0.0,0.07240588375935389,0.0,0.06007042987294268,0.0,0.0,0.369211119104509,0.11041397374205084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604398231481473,0.0,0.04478908323632831
suicidewatch,OFFICIALshippe,2018/01/09,"My brother Ive told my brother about me wanting to die, I’ve shown him my self harm cuts, I’ve told him why, and I’ve even told him how I want to commit suicide. And you know what that jackass decides to do? First, he doesn’t care about the fact Im even considering this shit, second, he calls me selfish, third, he mocks me for one reason I’m suicidal, fourth, he says mockingly “ooooh my life so hard!” 

I don’t even feel like anyone in my life cares about me except for like two people. It’s so hard to find more reasons to keep on living. I’m miserable, and it’s so hard to even keep living. ",2.1026190476190467,3.363787357142858,3.4652698412698406,92.66028571428578,76.22222222222223,6.309841269841268,22.123809523809523,6.742157984588678,0.3302914285714285,461,12,106,4,10,151,75,126,0.273,0.629,0.098,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,0,1,11,11,4,1,1,0,4,3,1,3,2,17,17,7,3,2,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,7,0,5,3,5,16,4,14,14,1,3,0,1,0,0,16,2,1,0,3,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173484776219687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396513342613475,0.0,0.26752483114873543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616007298788546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466131978570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663363171569481,0.09372599303907182,0.0,0.0,0.1199101843350976,0.11159470814867264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525758256683546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417135045179956,0.0,0.0,0.23322493214474785,0.0,0.0,0.0721015400633126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533432859640567,0.12819085416921536,0.0,0.2316958170374789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890137285513161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095434518009704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697813659961654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433181789486363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686537552114322,0.0,0.13467015406988664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870128649679904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376088372785646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815880553246306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476484767483328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838340833984765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unspokenwave,2018/01/09,"I'm so tired of this I'm so tired of this mess. There's just too much. There's so much. 
I keep having flashbacks. I'm alone. I'm having trouble helping myself. This is an environment where manipulation and deceit is rampant. I'm still living with the people who have hurt me. It's not easy to escape. I can still hear and see them hurting me when I'm not in their presence. I feel them everywhere I go underneath my soul. Their voices follow me everywhere. I feel trapped. It never goes away. I'm living and reliving these things daily. 

I'm trying my hardest to do what I can. It's just so fucking hard. It's so fucking hard. I feel like the pain is collapsing on me, trapping me. I don't know what to expect. 

Everything feels so big. My presence and my actions feel so small in comparison. I break down constantly, stopping often just to learn how to breathe. I just lay there, motionless, absolutely fucking empty, lifeless, I can only stare. 

Ever since the beginning, I wasn't made for this world. Suicidal thoughts have followed me ever since I was a little kid. I think about killing myself now more often than I did then. It just feels like everything is getting worse.  ",1.5405263157894744,4.238157964912284,3.0038245614035084,87.06310526315792,87.77192982456141,5.67157894736842,23.389473684210525,7.1686216300943375,1.2211147368421047,928,36,174,15,30,302,124,228,0.242,0.726,0.032,-0.9927,1,2,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,4,0,27,11,4,0,5,0,16,7,1,3,3,33,45,14,2,1,7,0,8,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,14,5,0,2,10,0,0,4,5,9,0,0,5,12,31,2,17,40,3,27,1,2,2,3,8,11,3,2,13,120,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560113311367302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139389587730074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105186047206785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193947851438708,0.0,0.0,0.2179827600678455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36791235262978894,0.17327336457335207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363418014881411,0.06335957172137956,0.0,0.06892162558154091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727163618071185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366822651021179,0.0,0.08128601017939813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25964819235803177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779205262265312,0.1341694090838527,0.0,0.06664787447214568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849466668319138,0.12154632088219045,0.21417065039214728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475042082695455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829762657435336,0.0,0.09353237916136303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223275818653864,0.1290418708139915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407467822374293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663801733513908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063476713871534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369582037003602,0.10138875345333738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265179481243022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056767350699749,0.07770614816205668,0.0,0.09627635650528392,0.0,0.2787684593153128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823356716685654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358644475814723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrymsonGhost,2018/01/09,"I'm so done I have issues sleeping, eating consistently is pretty much impossible for me since I can't maintain an appetite at all, all I've done is keep on going back to cutting myself, I'm so incredibly stupid and I've attempted suicide 7 times and I just want to do it again. Finally get rid of myself, no point in me existing anymore. I just want to disappear, I don't want to be here anymore- I fucking hate it here. I just want to be dead. I'll die anyways, should just speed up the process and avoid going through more pain to do with living. ",1.912159090909089,4.077725053571431,3.763051948051949,86.21831168831172,79.71428571428572,6.572727272727272,26.25324675324676,7.686295010490155,1.5519535714285717,434,18,88,7,11,146,73,112,0.262,0.67,0.069,-0.9791,0,1,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,4,1,2,0,12,4,1,0,2,17,24,5,3,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,0,11,0,14,19,4,13,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,5,60,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592554246545682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927424105611869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797955388132825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37070830900711466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533648711497508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841400620487096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674475000500619,0.09463053811967237,0.0,0.2058754609499051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882381943219258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904784435083624,0.0,0.1609925646208836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993703354855818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331479987142824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927301801974898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712220339616306,0.0,0.0,0.18426963255286646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982879037868602,0.0,0.18125619183925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812177362627093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561566871230776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42732978007459405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karakinn,2018/01/09,"Constant Negativity I’m a successful and talented person, but I have some major flaws. It seems I can’t make friends that are positive influences on me. My best friend has borderline personality disorder and makes loads of drama. My college program classmates don’t really know me and don’t care to get to know me, despite my constant attempts to make friends and join study groups. My mother makes every reference she can to convince me that I’m a woman (I’m a trans man.) I’m so lucky to have my wife, but even she spends most of her time complaining, and often doesn’t understand my needs.

I 50% want to die and 50% want to run away. The latter isn’t looking too great, as I’m terrible at making friends and I’d be just as lonely anywhere else in the world. I can’t go for the former because my parents would broadcast me as their confused little girl who was influenced by the LGBT community and then killed herself (fuck them for indirectly taking that choice from me.)

I’m intelligent and ambitious, and quickly becoming successful professionally, and I have many other talents and hobbies, at many of which I excel. So why do I feel so damn empty? Am I never going to be happy? Even with success and money, is this emptiness all there is? What the hell am I supposed to do with it?",4.92562275985663,6.3535356572580675,5.9607526881720485,76.86668458781365,69.44354838709678,8.898207885304663,31.51971326164875,9.2995712137729,2.9157815412186374,1025,44,186,21,18,340,151,248,0.14800000000000002,0.5820000000000001,0.269,0.9914,1,2,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,7,10,24,4,1,8,0,22,1,0,7,2,43,48,22,2,4,3,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,10,15,0,0,6,1,2,3,8,8,0,0,1,2,28,16,26,44,5,17,1,1,1,1,21,7,3,7,7,126,38,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112940963079813,0.0,0.0,0.0785915665271244,0.14238768405203578,0.0,0.0,0.13529897663316912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144776899905133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786445419713626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380393695906934,0.0,0.14775937589736995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770040817406283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030767337856212,0.0,0.1086249879367764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518842274529951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984289623689515,0.11918921115642522,0.06735806259525945,0.0,0.14654225222680803,0.0,0.0,0.14214041805843158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724320508159452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426365616103054,0.0,0.14170776659530218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921685655023887,0.0,0.0,0.10826464397483268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43029264843147097,0.2614197054769072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955963550574598,0.09943501319641583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431561067429055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251449125105361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259274371306173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173686021152621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969356576632361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517728384009785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421561381148833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208677160158268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633488260478593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158471787612428,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway482934849,2018/01/09,"I have school in 3 hours cant do this my mom had me write in this journal thing whenever I had an anxiety or panic attack. id write the time down and stuff. right now its 6 minutes to 3 am and I have to wake up at 6. I already wrote a lot but it doesn't really help, more provides something for my therapist to work on. I love her and she helps but I only see her once every 2 weeks. I'm not on medicines but there are some medicines in the kitchen cabinets and razors, knives. I haven't felt suicidal in months so I'm kind of freaked. I don't really have a plan but sometimes I act on impulse. the most recent time I have seen my therapist was a couple days after Christmas. my depression and anxiety were getting worse a little bit before Christmas. honestly the only thing that helps are my pets and my friends but I can only see my friends at school because I don't have a phone or social media. my family only has one car too so seeing them irl is out of the question. one of the strays me and my mom rescued died. in the bathroom in my mom's arms. that was the first death ive ever experienced and I'm not dealing with it well. today/yesterday I had to get picked up early because I had an attack in the morning before school, then one at school. went to the nurse between classes. lucky didn't start crying probably would have gotten made fun of or yelled at lol. anyways I went home early and slept and then I finished Desperation. took my mind off everything for a while but now ive been awake for hours and I cant sleep. I'm probably not gonna kill myself but I'm definitely having thoughts. I don't use reddit so this isn't really a throwaway but I didn't know what to put. I just needed to kind of put this down and have someone to talk to. but anonymously you know. if this breaks some sort of rule or doesn't belong here just delete or ill delete it or something. one more thing. I would never admit this if it wasn't anonymously but I think something big is going to happen. ive just got a weird feeling probably anxiety or paranoia but sometimes ill take walks. I was walking and didn't see the preschoolers schoolbus and nearly got run over didn't really scare me though (sometimes mornings at the bus stop I think of just setting down my bookbag and putting myself in front of the wheels.) 2 hawks circling over my head the rest of the way home. probably coincident. sometimes ill think of stuff and itll happen, or it will show up everywhere. was on some sort of game named myself kevin. kevin is showing up everywhere and it didn't before. sounds stupid hah. was reading up on global cooling, the east coast where I live gets slammed with that arctic stuff. then there's that flu stuff. maybe I'm just a guilty person or paranoid but I feel like its my fault. idk I cant wake my mom up  shes sleeping I hate getting her up. she needs sleep. my dad is at work. I don't know if ill make it through school tomorrow or even tonight. just please let somebody see this and be listening. sorry if I typed too much",1.3836727564556492,3.799914198697071,2.6016074210451805,92.2596485389227,83.72312703583061,5.578964263796442,22.090733135061136,6.958239930675773,0.6539288863711463,2394,81,497,31,69,766,280,614,0.136,0.748,0.115,-0.8241,0,0,3,0,0,1,51.0,0,1,1,4,22,22,5,2,27,3,56,15,8,4,2,92,105,52,4,8,35,5,3,1,2,5,5,3,4,1,29,21,1,1,12,4,0,13,21,11,1,5,29,14,63,11,63,69,10,81,0,1,6,1,32,40,0,23,26,321,92,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465682951945127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446628827411816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331186268530587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143328500495537,0.0,0.14957034876237627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396639894693214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483003168994908,0.06435966540266096,0.03778646714451143,0.06040493892046918,0.05046450171562599,0.0,0.06080839959007243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038698925051910436,0.05299908116724223,0.04936560031075067,0.0,0.052657979023153584,0.0,0.055234554659050285,0.0,0.0592509271256395,0.04185755421270457,0.056256725846337764,0.0,0.0,0.049837631960183794,0.0,0.0,0.09053480825231784,0.0,0.12244590343133463,0.0,0.033298720623455194,0.0,0.0937214459715348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362398264578286,0.0,0.0,0.05784666493633925,0.060131459283432165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781730860469054,0.0,0.1175434714125329,0.0,0.11540102969818332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482246510584111,0.12202740567590856,0.0966005488177056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991345625318995,0.0,0.02862469339601448,0.05872375974470464,0.05173708972312637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049812130176936725,0.05288083194135231,0.0554403958452781,0.03911007090097125,0.0,0.058862720440941874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059160394298172776,0.2744851505636343,0.046766924809275454,0.0,0.04307126250309051,0.08688924242141953,0.04518913384096762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239769972857385,0.15881161300969174,0.17824494540110264,0.0,0.06874413132560016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115956270330285,0.0,0.0643155264376788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25268482850178403,0.0,0.0,0.17670097151025865,0.06563553633109144,0.0,0.05860704052504464,0.0,0.15014005348678594,0.0,0.057851726613603285,0.0,0.0,0.05003655178343125,0.0,0.0,0.05865999741806732,0.29648703585695724,0.2334479427679999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590049631398869,0.059726334462301835,0.04964412084569248,0.1353190699692307,0.2317927202276641,0.06558803458507327,0.04147114225234527,0.0,0.0,0.04898485413128844,0.0,0.0,0.2682915556531017,0.06408924656649488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405327929562833,0.047093375042689324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605776321065466,0.11677613936502056,0.11262859646186935,0.057565541698533625,0.04651485612626416,0.06832998220737498,0.0,0.055537592415115085,0.0,0.06509696229350749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060397172307588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046506955392971915,0.0469983143756658,0.0,0.052680511759983006,0.1086292308384509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531016087633114,0.0,0.05970942301671137,0.0832429934054782,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreshPandaHats,2018/01/09,"What am I worth Feeling like self harming or worse. I feel unloved, important, like I'm an extra smiling in the background in everyones life. I know my thoughts and desires to hurt/end myself are purely selfish,  i don't want to but at the same time i feel i should. I just want to know someone cares, that someone has seen my pain amd wishes to see me overcome. I want to be a winner facing the impossible in someones eyes but my mind keeps telling me I can never be that.",3.749503759398497,4.981446115789479,4.483909774436093,87.08736842105263,72.05263157894737,6.69172932330827,30.413533834586467,6.868970318607317,1.6080375939849625,371,16,75,3,7,119,66,95,0.171,0.629,0.2,0.4684,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,0,8,4,2,0,2,22,23,4,0,6,4,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,15,3,9,18,2,6,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,1,4,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916441071243349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648229569803946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960979570348154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285124133342045,0.13428311811794566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122174558897432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707302902721627,0.0,0.0,0.2066026575311168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276611285327464,0.18366161887310276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897923174172117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449711506405339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000093300357234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978475576383288,0.0,0.19608978034194927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777895509260538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642907771224124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922419708762028,0.10960462507105942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326020719593004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615189749788288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915536551171408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GregoryDying,2018/01/09,"Finally going through with it I know that if I started putting in effort again, I might have been able to survive, but I've been suicidal from a very young age (first attempt at age 11) and I'm so tired of fighting. I can't live knowing that everyday I have to wake up and deal with depression; things don't get better and they don't get any easier. My mother hates me and my friends all left me (not due to my own doing, just circumstantial/education ect.)

Nothing's worth it anymore. I can't remember when I had a day that was just... okay. I don't need everyday to be perfect and good, I know that's not realistic, but every single day feels so incredibly shitty and I don't have any direction to go;;

I guess it just feels better writing it all out",3.6872905525846704,4.745941163398693,5.1822578728461135,82.68197860962569,72.00653594771242,8.700891265597148,28.941770647652998,9.095868883498916,2.289162091503268,590,23,123,12,11,199,94,153,0.227,0.67,0.103,-0.9754,0,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,0,1,7,7,9,2,0,2,1,16,2,1,0,3,30,30,12,1,2,8,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,0,1,3,8,3,0,1,4,2,17,6,14,24,4,21,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,13,81,26,0,0.17234229640770732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343973428528087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091724827994711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048455118489072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229304732103813,0.17767734007150573,0.1484381673603176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520581778578762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428288674068715,0.0,0.0,0.1887925616897469,0.0,0.14659426928329292,0.0,0.0,0.13315123069104412,0.0,0.18008347341412234,0.0,0.1958921973565587,0.1445525415019147,0.0,0.0,0.18985446953538987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015233756677994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841444568957484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725040931372766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218140518524553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282794146131104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277896290450065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536708150063306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325160915142054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523022570709456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198476443830675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851449998342695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449656378547855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808211714468296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220044368175716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rantithrowawai,2018/01/09,"nothing's changed i was here a few months ago at my low point. nothing's changed. i still want to die. the thoughts aren't there as often, but they're still the same thoughts. nothing's gotten better. things in my life have changed, seemingly for the better, but everything still hurts just as much as it always has. the feelings remain. in some regards i'm better than my low point, i'm probably not going to attempt again, not tonight at least. in others i'm worse. i've accepted my low point as routine. bc of the fires here in socal combined w/ winter break, i haven't had school in almost 6 weeks. i spent most of it sleeping. but i'm still tired. WHY AM I SO FUCKING TIRED. it's 11pm & i'm lying awake in bed so f u c k i n g tired, and all i can think about are all of the fake people who will attend my funeral. and i'm so f u c k i n g tired but everytime i try to close my eyes everything in my head is so loud, not even intrusive thoughts, just screaming. ugh, i'm tired. i'll probably just cut & watch some documentaries gn sw.",-0.31413481042284275,1.9204986787330327,1.6915712279606832,96.50814479638012,91.62443438914028,4.858230613200188,20.29037291309097,6.48374012150746,0.1806725230145112,812,28,185,10,29,268,123,221,0.263,0.662,0.076,-0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,4,18,13,2,0,7,0,11,10,3,0,2,29,29,14,2,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,1,2,5,9,0,0,7,6,16,4,22,21,9,29,0,4,2,1,1,16,1,6,10,97,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386775380683786,0.0,0.09474016588845896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872469221555567,0.20502394005294602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25102964993417665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30026058191519983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819223014207894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062490277339392934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006217660437864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783862683176244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746719056483845,0.0,0.0,0.05377013144461887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970991199989052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128401147424672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682719334464925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551832764661989,0.0,0.06955064347563962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723480514964267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655919888875265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683165219357179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040152923027239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575230874440607,0.0,0.0861311337489368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468024227247776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022287891120071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285595207752408,0.060623494664755424,0.0,0.2253338760055853,0.0,0.5437123897442152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423527957798877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580455858797577,0.0,0.07589197105293619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853725370560302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641762398010656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EstExecutorThrowaway,2018/01/09,"All I want is to die I don't think I'm going to follow through with it just yet, but I'm my second week into antidepressants and now that I'm starting to think a bit more clearly, all I can think about is how I still just want to be dead.  It's not even an emotional response anymore.  I just really hate myself.  I serve no purpose but to let people down and pollute the planet so some kid who appreciates life will have all his dreams and aspirations crushed by the effects of global warming.  I have no aspirations, and I'm really not even functional enough to leave the house.

I don't want to play guitar, I don't want to be good at my job, I just want to be dead.

I have no one now, estranged from my family, no friends.  My boss called me a month ago and told me he felt ripped off for hiring me.  My job is also borderline doing unethical things, but I can't quit for a variety of reasons.  If I do, I will not get another opportunity for a job in my field for probably one-two years. 

I can't even tell what's real anymore.  I estranged everyone to escape how terribly everyone treated me, and it's good, but now I can only remember my regrets.

I have extreme, extreme, unexplained feelings of guilt.  I can't think of anything that would be causing it.  It's not even a subconcious thing, it's more unconscious.  

I bought all this shit when I had hobbies, and now I own too much stuff.  I can't even get rid of it.  It is so much and will take so much time to sell.

I just hate myself.  I don't want to be alive.  I haven't achieved anything in life.  I've alienated everyone I've ever met.  I still meet people from dating sites every once in a while and I alienate them, too.

Obviously, I can't advocate for myself anymore which might alone cost me my job.  And that's unfortunate, because, again, I won't be able to get back into my field for another two years.  Rip resume, the only thing I had going for me.  Rip me, I hope.",2.592178797468353,4.086142802531647,4.429632120253167,85.28989121835444,75.40506329113923,7.7729430379746836,25.761471518987346,8.472884824447931,1.6682420886075953,1497,53,318,28,32,509,180,395,0.193,0.7040000000000001,0.104,-0.9925,4,1,0,0,0,3,50.0,0,0,1,4,30,14,3,1,11,0,37,3,1,6,7,59,67,23,3,10,14,0,3,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,19,13,0,0,9,3,3,3,19,6,0,3,6,3,53,8,39,48,13,33,0,1,0,0,11,10,1,4,20,227,72,7,0.08385176220212358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432952786635923,0.0,0.0,0.0868451372730576,0.0,0.06705622393823096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585176767751415,0.0,0.0,0.2494752493916029,0.0,0.0,0.13800571131835462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447682927304428,0.0,0.05111525595449599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154440690871264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562202439741441,0.0,0.0,0.08613885781252258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702489067986162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943219463387476,0.0,0.08664128534371585,0.0,0.27691649054849377,0.07584871951580456,0.07064872615213821,0.24037185651736465,0.0,0.0,0.07904797878843449,0.0,0.042397970432945284,0.0,0.08051084142631781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478366347407112,0.0,0.13142725469026068,0.0,0.09530977764817017,0.14066175963045932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557251058129724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328371987571145,0.0,0.0967536754281537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33283974178578096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878690893337797,0.0,0.08574410798237417,0.1184539588691523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895346871235046,0.0,0.0,0.06692967659726,0.0,0.1849220799779288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929939011979028,0.11364024833764295,0.12754608731966455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626450797893732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040638186939473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918667061938412,0.0,0.09544166287299477,0.10743517202752748,0.08621357703505682,0.0,0.0,0.0949877006508665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607262891827873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593507088693146,0.0,0.1339282512207056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599020636309016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304608969543349,0.0,0.07329013608068177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712215468200411,0.2149152937334362,0.0,0.0,0.04889463685806745,0.0,0.0,0.08012395217245487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638219750677801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29674765122635016,0.0,0.06726082577821738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956588604379971,0.0,0.0,0.10799557134030748
suicidewatch,Furawayacc,2018/01/09,"I'm broken and lonely I don't like people, but i need them to hold off loneliness, i hate humanity as a whole, but i need to live around them. I'm so tired and defeated when it comes to looking for people to talk to nobody understands, hardly any relate to me as a person, i want to die, yet i can't do it. I found that out when i held a firearm to my head, loaded and safety off, i needed to see what i would do, i wrote a note just in case, i could barely hold it to my head for kust over a second, and i had to force myself to do that. I have no outlets, just loneliness and self hatred. I don't expect anything to come of this post, i'm just hoping writing it out helps for this particular moment",7.965849889624728,4.0118848013245065,8.838245033112582,76.52129690949229,65.2251655629139,11.6560706401766,32.4514348785872,8.841846274778883,2.38293289183223,539,11,123,6,6,187,85,151,0.253,0.672,0.075,-0.9851,0,2,0,1,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,1,8,5,1,0,5,0,10,3,2,0,0,30,27,12,1,8,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,9,10,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,4,3,21,2,26,21,1,14,0,2,2,0,9,7,0,1,5,88,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194879811301505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459333693751406,0.1564180475375512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027150743635595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402891461575055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823579505488191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265558450078232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740053495138615,0.17347602198031306,0.36065575651909343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777387708038907,0.0,0.0,0.1745184435391794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584242403968356,0.0,0.1551540529412321,0.0,0.14755110380786035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908574542215815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362865877764456,0.153422110570909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828042031248291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001713148181796,0.0,0.18330255583331556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122804440019798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195137016093972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829190143620497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363757825502126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961725540095397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481846074970665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puke13ut,2018/01/09,I feel like killing myself My mom died of an overdose 10 days before my 18th birthday i had a shitty childhood filled with addicted parents and I barely graduated high school I really want to go to a university but my grades won’t let me I can’t get a job because the places I’ve worked at I only stayed less than a week because I can’t handle labor jobs I have nothing to live for I’m not gonna be anything in life it’s meaningless ,5.586086956521736,4.832367173913049,6.849043478260871,78.73073913043481,67.47826086956522,9.53391304347826,32.53043478260869,8.841846274778883,2.526697391304348,348,13,72,5,5,119,72,92,0.13699999999999998,0.825,0.038,-0.8444,3,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,0,0,6,13,2,2,1,2,2,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,13,1,9,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,40,14,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776506360328385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643833290540359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435405276776153,0.0,0.16997884417601278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882700476127898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731665528710025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100334918494333,0.14270673453627805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104365002713934,0.0,0.11352674024529599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105467246678986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964568152546855,0.0,0.22100197906543426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426548701882305,0.14109456711992874,0.09759138101785064,0.0,0.17638945389114113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339534658223399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167262361628207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192451269685026,0.0,0.0,0.22180696553750115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870397859636086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796971275078792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216516476084329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291482186179114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782209671266375,0.0,0.16023334615248455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542577451563832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmduciouslyYours,2018/01/09,"From abuse to being abusive I... Don't even know how to put into words what just happened. 

I've been abused since childhood by men. I've been scared since childhood of men.


I finally got engaged to a man I thought was good.

We got into a fight.

He pushed me. I pushed back. He pushed harder, into a shelf. I retaliated, I hit him in the mouth. He's bleeding. 

I'm... I'm the abuser?

What have I become?

I'm devastated. If I can't make the world a better place by being better than what I was brought up in... What's the point?

I'm carrying my pistol around now... Just in case I can't find the point.",-1.0684962406015046,1.017082793650797,1.4185380116959083,96.70394736842108,98.04761904761904,3.9224728487886384,16.155388471177947,5.750287758089431,-0.6416761904761898,456,12,105,4,19,154,72,126,0.198,0.7120000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9427,0,0,0,1,4,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,10,6,1,1,9,0,10,2,1,2,0,14,22,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,8,0,14,4,16,11,0,22,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,1,5,60,18,0,0.0,0.7025805922478895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196877671147894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399064710570556,0.0,0.0,0.163724083254204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622199140389645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791390273919842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239428619837432,0.13549252248921947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243402101505527,0.2371288745908171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109186553137453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147114102697864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895416147048268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488364752922712,0.0,0.28027739088058595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490263766170013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484183158619991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24525828524816354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768934389173685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imsauteed,2018/01/09,"I really don't think I can do this anymore. I've spent the last three years convincing my parents and friends that I've gotten better, when within the past six months I've been in a total downward spiral with no foreseeable way to stop it. I can't deal with the shame and the hurt I'd place on my parents if I told them I was struggling again.. I just want to disappear. Maybe I will. It sounds like the best option now, and I can't reach out to anyone else because I feel like they'll tell my family.",3.833428571428573,4.4021487238095265,4.644761904761907,88.47857142857146,71.28571428571428,7.904761904761906,24.523809523809533,7.957251820313856,1.0802380952380957,396,10,87,5,7,128,73,105,0.153,0.67,0.17600000000000002,0.5463,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,4,9,0,2,6,0,9,0,0,0,1,14,15,5,0,2,2,2,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,5,2,14,6,9,8,2,16,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,10,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951769993720952,0.1376101542376361,0.20164927982384964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997008485208413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065339886243308,0.1740574250799616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289660897635967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644047533113751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552959474714498,0.0,0.09951017588417656,0.1405970432481307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520505269685451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068309154236514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042178531750728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229729644081314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977163885276849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708732805023876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437055807180353,0.0,0.18787198926202545,0.0,0.0,0.20561862339657172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607788480717794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453722116209454,0.0,0.20574260272189288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201564738808287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610425959797564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880549585699228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608028507501625,0.15621410619208906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673552753878356
suicidewatch,pompomgurll,2018/01/09,"I haven’t been happy in a really long time It’s too late now


Nothing is working 

It has become unbearable 


This is the end

This is my end
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suicidewatch,validated_decay,2018/01/09,"I cannot be saved. So why am I posting? Honestly, I don't know. I just don't know. I've been selfish my whole life. With every gain of those around me, I obsesses on how it benefits me. 

I've been at war against my own existence for so long that I cannot find an ounce of compassion for myself, let alone for others. I find myself awake at most hours, restlessly aware of the experiences and materials that brought me into being.

The people around me are also painfully aware; they're not stupid. At this point, I simply make them uncomfortable and inconvenience them.

I'm tired. I'm just so tired. There's nothing left.

I'm moribund. 

Why am I stalling? ",1.3682267441860458,3.957699364341085,2.830343992248064,89.13063226744188,86.36434108527132,6.325775193798449,22.015988372093023,7.6454224807358475,1.1211895348837209,514,18,105,10,16,167,82,129,0.233,0.6609999999999999,0.106,-0.9402,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,1,10,9,2,2,3,0,12,4,0,2,0,17,19,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,19,3,15,13,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,2,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886086474945274,0.0,0.14563145502682687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242289088549582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343358425319578,0.0,0.0,0.17813626592520695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328862615793598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933939323782236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001632493426609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978605395568062,0.18621745264023493,0.12862804800709488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611595763029396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155829810552915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473724137942842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377542320707752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625054372691424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215063079012108,0.0,0.1744088291553171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186120043042084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286477329160434,0.2033167340186043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tabletopdrums,2018/01/09,"I’m losing it all... Cheated on my wife of 10 years. Have three small children. My wife knows. She’s being a supportive as possible. We are going to counselling. Have always had lots of anxiety. Feeling worthless. Why would I do such a thing? Having lots of doubts as to who I am. Feeling empty. Hopeless. Lots of dark thoughts over the last few months since the truth came out. Have a plan to either hang myself in the basement or use a plastic bag with helium. Need help and guidance to make the dark thoughts disappear. I’ve become a recluse. Would rather live my life in a cabin in the woods. Alone. Possibly end my life there at some point. That’s all I have to say really. Need help. Please. 
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suicidewatch,faerie090,2018/01/09,"I just want to die, no one cares I have had multiple attempts in the past to kill myself, and it just.. keeps getting worse. I have no friends, i'm too horrible or something and I just want someone to talk to, but I can't even get that. I am alone and useless and just want nothing more than to be dead.",3.7173437500000013,3.756323546875002,4.478125000000002,91.454375,71.34375,7.65,30.0625,7.1686216300943375,1.4186375000000004,233,9,55,2,4,75,44,64,0.334,0.562,0.104,-0.9593,0,2,1,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,14,14,6,3,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,7,2,7,12,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26100688224159924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569415068978929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615471183187755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664505627116339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470269210803626,0.0,0.2633301764912185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239985172745098,0.27881228687229004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418108776548313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076884122198924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24057254394505076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135276842704429,0.1940099999485772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025564990585877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44592697813108206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25682023588476793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Baconthemarsh,2018/01/09,"Blood Do any of you miss the rush of blood dripping down their arms. I made a small pool once. For some reason I’m still alive, and I hate it. I hate that what I’ve done should have killed me.",0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,0.8669047619047632,107.54892857142859,82.33333333333333,4.2,12.88095238095238,3.1291,-1.9248761904761904,148,1,40,0,4,44,35,42,0.287,0.6579999999999999,0.055,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,4,3,3,2,0,5,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,4,6,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130619287194274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31798337520089964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135605842951151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437753032915515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940190390043768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309159581305821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194808879450339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481483664894104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bomabacaxi,2018/01/09,"I hid the knives tonight. I'm currently sitting in my bed, with one ear open, to make sure I can hear my boyfriend breathing. Snoring. Anything. He was triggered about 4 and a half hours ago by a bad day at work, and a demon he's been battling with himself for years. He started screaming. He is unhappy. He was verbally attacking me and threatening to hurt me. I chased him outside to his car. He told me I needed to get out. He didn't want to live anymore. He said I wouldn't want to be in the car right now. It's 27° and icy. All the roads and surfaces are black ice. I thought I was going to have to call someone to get him. I thought I would have to commit him. I talked him down. For now. I hope. I called out of work in the morning. He came inside. He screamed some more. He hates himself. He hates that he is unhappy. He doesnt want to live. He didn't blame me. He blamed himself. Always. He calmed down. He wants to be alone. I have his car keys. I hid the knives. He laid down on the couch. turned off the lights. I think he's sleeping now. I'm so tired. I'm afraid to fall asleep. I'm afraid to leave him alone. I don't want him to die. Even if we aren't together, at least he will be alive.  I'm so so tired. This is all so complicated. I still don't know what to do. I want to save him. 
Today is his birthday.
I don't know what to do. I dont know where to turn. I don't know what I need. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do ",-1.9723584905660367,-0.1322749150943352,0.24889056603773696,104.60601509433964,101.61006289308176,3.550289308176101,16.108427672955976,5.414198509911553,-0.9911048553459124,1099,31,285,8,50,360,146,318,0.193,0.7509999999999999,0.056,-0.9882,1,2,0,0,0,1,53.0,1,0,0,2,11,14,4,2,10,0,34,6,4,2,4,41,70,10,1,12,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,2,0,8,12,0,0,9,0,0,6,12,10,0,2,11,7,44,4,40,53,5,36,1,1,1,0,41,17,0,3,12,159,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761984606615773,0.0,0.0,0.2281141606989055,0.0,0.0,0.09163345847306588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921516720654803,0.0,0.0,0.0906241212736514,0.0,0.0,0.12528395596181655,0.0,0.0,0.09195041382069703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490143773215934,0.1259545373241594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102200794929561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142931574564354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290665764088704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273702916323578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507233388080967,0.0,0.06258701010009404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217452787064571,0.0,0.0,0.1241197408544746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937973302751963,0.1084516953812625,0.0,0.11789190911027822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631334424464155,0.0,0.0,0.11660728423231492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448613618926405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350980327965798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331371870150316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462406844280163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094046801595062,0.1047548210636826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102052965128086,0.0,0.09330920331488828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794758328287528,0.0,0.08794657818613807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379223022983336,0.0,0.0,0.08851491841906317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056414353001847,0.0,0.1748551124891138,0.0,0.25314673343148764,0.1043863485545241,0.1052298877957389,0.0,0.0,0.239570417826165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38973017675147903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603457370265044,0.0,0.0,0.0782301837951233,0.0,0.0,0.07091738204648952
suicidewatch,PleadingHere,2018/01/09,"I can't I don't feel any happiness. I never have. I've decided my time is coming. I tried to talk to my husband earlier and he told me to leave him alone and go to bed. I can't do this anymore. I just wish I could let him know that I'm sorry without it seeming like I'm forcing it. I wish he would understand it is not his fault though. It's all me.
Goodbye... I hope he never finds this.",-1.3964890282131677,0.5308703333333327,1.7359247648902816,96.7038244514107,92.79310344827586,5.002716823406479,19.40334378265413,6.574015621080383,0.08406666666666672,297,10,73,4,11,105,55,87,0.116,0.755,0.129,0.4632,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,20,22,3,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,1,16,3,5,18,1,5,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,46,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041676288698921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340554226235324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195500372768368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981037274418084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739257287437292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967504645623626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017360182807252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203374144806873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984896192011465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957949534586492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833770494634884,0.0,0.0,0.20873261578963007,0.0,0.20157917606005504,0.0,0.09630794934206588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040782133494361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794601000556622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206713282436203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844593740136692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936796037271397,0.0,0.1149483135754458,0.0,0.0,0.18836653201778972,0.0,0.1338385923697608,0.0,0.0,0.20521968439214916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533804312985111,0.1900266578506121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003577053323035,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blizzrdy,2018/01/09,"I'm a piece of shit I have lost all my will to live. What makes it worse is the fact that I do have a future, decent grades, a few friends. Even with all of that, I still want to die. Life would go on without me, nobody would really miss me. The fact that I wanna die even though I have it better than many people makes me a even bigger piece of shit. At some point, this shits gotta end.",2.16714285714286,2.8052938095238136,3.074761904761907,97.95357142857144,75.19047619047619,6.076190476190478,16.38095238095238,5.46131890053228,-0.9146761904761908,296,2,75,1,6,94,56,84,0.272,0.6509999999999999,0.077,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,3,0,6,0,8,4,3,2,4,13,16,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,9,2,11,11,6,8,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,1,3,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153477847092604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602044321229644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370074419904314,0.0,0.0,0.3438552342126183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340729217251579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862409497249057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257309562197954,0.0,0.0,0.15323482569056207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943425033385256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167228498270104,0.17593752974896942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203075084192555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404692488264858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111711397391153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343943930057778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858549347002946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704975249895936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235560037168602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728181089846847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684726908711235,0.24654895844957586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Juviaisbae,2018/01/09,"I’m just gonna end it I reached my limit, I just can’t do this anymore, there’s too much to say in this post, so I’m not gonna say all of it. I hate my life so damn much and I’m tired of hearing people say it’ll get better, after 8 years I had enough, I’m not happy, I forgot what it feels like to be happy, I’ve been to multiple therapists, been hospitalized, I’m sick and tired of it. I’m going to end it Sunday..it’s too late to save me, I got so used to the sadness..",-0.03009009009008778,0.8170427477477489,3.0398198198198187,95.23558558558558,80.98198198198199,6.014414414414415,18.63963963963964,6.42735559955562,-0.30007387387387396,359,7,96,3,9,130,63,111,0.2,0.71,0.09,-0.923,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,2,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,1,12,23,5,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,5,9,5,11,14,4,8,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705711387616557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211409797939202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046700290041453,0.1777150567949118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696498088167345,0.12287204870710873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985940108891012,0.0,0.09774775663045664,0.0,0.13755875481635085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661801345522221,0.0,0.1698077770020385,0.0,0.0,0.19384895048789527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940159351975521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148395504811375,0.08402723922444601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25286973229554355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923849904084985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472203916155218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103279291391918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969747901712895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953619968693625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854698979147965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075804691841253
suicidewatch,MrKitKat11,2018/01/09,"My mom will die if I kill myself. I tried killing myself a while ago and was placed in a mental institution for a week. My mom told me that she has spent most of her life raising me with no other purpose in mind. I've thought many times of running away so as to emotionally distance myself her. Or cutting all ties when I am adult and make sure she never finds me. She put a lot of pressure on me by saying that but she has a sad life and some where in my mind I think what she said is true. I never viewed my suicide to have collateral damage, in fact I've tried to avoid it. What do I do now? Wait? For what?",1.580013986013988,3.0440390153846195,3.0883216783216803,93.97031468531469,78.07692307692308,5.650349650349653,21.048951048951047,6.11248444174946,-0.04730769230769205,472,12,111,3,11,155,85,130,0.174,0.753,0.073,-0.9002,0,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,2,5,0,9,2,0,1,6,24,16,10,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,7,4,0,2,3,0,1,2,3,7,0,0,5,3,24,2,17,10,4,18,0,2,1,0,13,8,0,5,8,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494976385714636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536315219332657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970694844745535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839369122985601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494534412675575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618191834718158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309966692765536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901804133939824,0.0,0.0,0.1091502297529805,0.1657826424572606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478873344943534,0.0,0.3302152351640005,0.3830230495319572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25223193041858244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084259480929065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643818006769933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554405367314322,0.13003690474290702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886329086799518,0.0,0.15411476117084869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477639899704604,0.0,0.12981585346557076,0.09534926791409667,0.0,0.0,0.15624945132948942,0.0,0.22203739061789726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116511154111296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kony2012IsRelevant,2018/01/09,"Hey strangers, I fucked up with my friend. I’ve felt days of hopelessness, unwanted, lonely, unattractivness. I’ve fucked up with my friend for too much and I deluded myself about the feelings she had for me. I’ve wrong her in so many ways, the day we stopped talking I threw her under the bus. That was when I lost her trust. I’m always wondering what she saw in those guys that she doesn’t see in me. Why am I not good enough, I’ve never been good enough for anybody.",3.600766917293232,4.7957666105263215,3.738646616541356,92.43052631578949,72.36842105263158,7.533834586466164,24.09774436090225,7.957251820313856,0.9553007518797,368,10,82,5,7,113,64,95,0.267,0.645,0.08800000000000001,-0.9566,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,1,4,11,2,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,11,15,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,7,4,17,5,13,8,3,13,0,3,2,2,12,6,2,1,5,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146891774277694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502982415066751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010204155117205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981198031193945,0.0,0.18632278453566348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998521033209463,0.3588005796157309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32552747266986315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214449795388025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118334473238148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196740839498021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265241075285154,0.0,0.14966681976839544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463633933999207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223827968134616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597368384188334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403145666107967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510403375916225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044386440224847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216816983010856,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnimpressionableYip,2018/01/09,"What does life mean to you? I'm at a point where I just don't see the positive anymore, it's weird I'm a positive optimistic person, and even though I want to die I still love and appreciate things in this life so much, and am brought to tears at times at simple things like someone's smile or idk. But I feel empty and detached a part of it but not a part at all. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. What are your reasons for living? What gets you through the day or is living just easy for you that you don't need a reason? ",1.8954768928220247,3.1246255486725723,3.299587020648968,93.76898721730579,76.6991150442478,6.792133726647003,22.29006882989184,7.3871296695380915,0.5071207472959682,409,11,98,5,9,134,71,113,0.119,0.73,0.151,0.6774,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,5,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,6,4,1,2,1,19,17,10,1,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,10,2,14,16,4,13,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,2,5,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203781647659475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183781665088911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050171650827014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063072852237525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123673208162218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281121850132963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590021666547592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259301474733084,0.08967598659435806,0.0,0.3241658871419153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656660810533424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999458421452386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493447442015238,0.13610413971564211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975456202335266,0.0,0.0,0.160273655884586,0.0,0.0,0.1735193572930799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774514229937879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627003543072664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555260506673885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658772649512394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438923476165868,0.0,0.18034242932269867,0.0,0.10703273714845177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653167841515394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RickSanchezD99,2018/01/09,"Life is meaningless. I keep asking myself ""what is the point to life?"" I can't seem to find an answer. That's because there is none. Life is meaningless. Nothing I or anyone else does matters. We are all insignificant. Everything gets forgotten in time. That's why I've come to the conclusion that suicide is the only option for me. The thought of living a long depressing life angers me. I'm too late. At 21 I have no options available to me that even slightly appeal to me. My life is going nowhere. I need it to mean something to keep going but that's the thing, it doesn't and it never will. Men need a mission or a path to be happy. There needs to be some kind of struggle. I have neither of these. I'm frustrated with society for this. It's absurd. People mindlessly work, eat, sleep and follow social conditioning all their lives never asking why? If they do they realise there isn't a reason. Noting in life matters. Life has no inherent value or meaning and for me it never will. I hate who I am and no matter what I try I can't change it. ",1.1137283768862716,3.6440201244019192,2.901937799043065,88.57452613176298,86.99043062200957,5.512035333087965,21.435590725064408,7.010146845296331,0.8142939271255059,822,28,160,12,26,272,119,209,0.139,0.787,0.07400000000000001,-0.8957,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,3,2,5,7,3,1,10,0,20,9,1,1,5,36,39,9,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,17,7,1,2,8,0,0,4,12,5,0,0,1,0,21,2,19,34,5,14,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,8,6,112,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791938050763411,0.11418043276480555,0.0,0.0,0.20835720869062604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793099493936937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178856290882802,0.0959931563240951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095980572933869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751931855631388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114027928450493,0.09309136089195053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360312441680363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015244031661476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018514502162538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822126229924526,0.0,0.12666449384219086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186268181413962,0.0,0.11002102179053527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810075096829866,0.0,0.11604454529648847,0.0,0.0,0.1257058528822547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5509790170430143,0.0,0.0,0.1968019239163137,0.09861828772875472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427752454780892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788749475005786,0.2578413820995889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692686058502016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475290253815504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725642330908421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534403744046772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457585325381205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144811038447753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151753438292533,0.11359604486407845,0.0,0.08578968993368939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164982063782444,0.0,0.12189405215998515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740338282701498,0.0,0.0,0.08846857472394128,0.06497984343313327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565844601791301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110922000187784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112750388512609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BooceGlorp,2018/01/09,Please...I need help I Just sharpened my knife and I'm ready to slice my wrist open... please anyone... Can someone talk to me,-1.032,0.625173800000006,-0.4239999999999995,107.00800000000002,111.0,2.0,13.0,3.1291,-1.879,95,2,22,0,5,28,20,25,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471520687608209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327817169315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681354414515165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5449886328272293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206679638052909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990537822092575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thelonestoner420,2018/01/09,"Not sure what to do anymore I'm severely depressed and not sure why I have a family that loves me but I can't never seem to be happy 
",2.555,2.806189166666666,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,74.0,8.666666666666668,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.6040000000000003,105,3,24,2,2,38,25,30,0.212,0.5670000000000001,0.221,0.5086,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,8,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908181724048531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525696907789383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764433198837867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121625331066257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646631774316069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616701191457844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669573340385168,0.0,0.3312810227641788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527559491472196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646061174466269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeroyGankin,2018/01/09,"well I'm 21, I'm a failure, I'm dumb, I didn't make it to college. 
I don't have any friends, haven't been outside for a while, I spend most of the time sitting in front of a screen. sometimes i think on giving up.",0.3629591836734676,1.3434121836734718,2.432397959183671,99.44206632653062,80.22448979591837,4.9,24.494897959183675,3.1291,-0.10822857142857156,163,6,43,0,4,55,35,49,0.205,0.6940000000000001,0.101,-0.6862,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,11,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,1,4,2,7,9,1,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,1,2,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052725312199816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468248635705357,0.0,0.0,0.43063303183054297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996492789085034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439810506117951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28764183526821363,0.0,0.0,0.2617616054457512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40362180373899104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sporelittle,2018/01/09,"Bouts of apathy for the past two years. I don't understand. I lead a good life, with close friends and I've got a good future ahead of me. Even if that weren't the case, I have many people who would support me if I fell on hard times, and I've got a lot of lee-way. I know what I want to do with my life, I have self-confidence, et cetera et cetera. 

Still, even though I laugh everyday, and can smile earnestly, I honestly don't feel like keeping going, as selfish as it sounds. Whenever I wake up and have to fulfil my social responsibilities I think of how much easier it would be if I just didn't exist, and how much more pleasant it would be to not live. 

I've never been good at describing my emotions through words, but I guess I've been feeling like life is nothing but a chore for the past two years. And the worst part is that while I don't have much desire to live, this issue isn't really serious compared to what plenty of other people go through on a day-to-day basis, either. It's some kind of annoying inbetween.

Sorry for the rambling post. ",4.844540942928042,4.808054460829492,5.656405529953918,84.23977313009573,68.90783410138249,9.073236440978377,27.29138603332152,8.841846274778883,1.7524976249556894,826,23,179,13,13,271,122,217,0.135,0.775,0.09,-0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,7,15,1,0,10,0,21,4,1,3,1,36,34,17,0,8,8,0,3,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,11,9,0,1,5,0,0,4,8,4,0,2,6,4,19,11,25,23,11,21,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,6,13,120,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680615177263413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367507297863619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605926664676056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293964709640548,0.17370033492697082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392525920209864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381829166496843,0.3059033294343257,0.1944624675437256,0.0,0.1339238861649353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890351228432456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268882770107825,0.0,0.10805766765782547,0.0,0.12659722739928508,0.06681210436749847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576070461363959,0.11878665449020505,0.0,0.2146983975075672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335510349209097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325365832575935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268105466142245,0.0,0.09376285632156396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665041256345092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164927431572088,0.2321060721072025,0.16856370051219496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643117239958525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788133488426695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682480492907475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392606896407307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608850049785134,0.0,0.0,0.097086557287882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795704542468326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789762722544763,0.11944264376360601,0.0,0.07088888145889648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375139139422001,0.12655943725837118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170557762144353,0.09649720200017084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908111642246584,0.0,0.0,0.1565751531615209
suicidewatch,chrisma572,2018/01/09,"Wanting to help a friend Hey guys, never thought I'd have to post here, but here's hoping I can get some direction on how to proceed.

So this friend I worked with about 10 years ago, and stayed somewhat in touch through time, until the last few years, is going through a really rough time.  

He made a stupid decision years ago that made it so he's a felon.  He didn't do time I think, or much, but it was affecting the jobs he could get.  He wanted to work in security, but no one would hire him. So he would take shit jobs with shit pay and shit hours just to live. Then he went up northern Quebec to take care of some check point cabin, all alone in the woods for 3 months in the dead of winter.  Then he came back, worked more shit jobs, until 2 years ago, he moved back home with his parents.  

Has been struggling with work and life since.  And then to add on top of it all, his dad killed himself in May.  I've reached out to him since then, he never replied.  I don't have his phone number or address.

Then today he wrote back, after I wrote to him a few times during the holidays, and he said his life is absolute shit, he's barely getting buy, his car is getting repossessed, he's digging through garbage for food for him and his pet animals, which seem to be his only lifeline at this point, according to him. He hasn't seen anyone, all his family is gone. He stays inside days, weeks, months at a time.  He doesn't shave, shower or brush his teeth.

Numerous times through our conversation he said he's been thinking about killing himself for the past 4 months, thinking about it more and more.  His mental health has detoriated, despite taking meds, seeing doctor and all, he said none of it help. He seems to have truly given up on life.

I asked him what his next steps were, what can be done once he sees another psychiatrist. He says that he just wants to shoot himself in the next few weeks or whatever.  

After consulting with my friends, I called the local suicide hotline office and explained the situation.  She said to try to get him to call them, or to get his phone number so they could call him and speak with him.  I even gave him my number again so he can call me if he wants.  Although I haven't seen him in so many years, and he lives about 5 hours away, I'm willing to take the time off work to go see him and be with him, so he's not alone.

I wrote to him, but he hasn't read/answered my last 4-5 messages.  If he doesn't give feedback,  I was thinking my next step would be to call the police?  I don't have his address, but they surely would, what with his dad's suicide, and his license is almost revoked from too many road rage incidents.  So I'm pretty sure they would know who it is if I called them.

Am I skipping any vital steps here, or calling the police to go care for him is the next logical step?  I have no contact with any family or friends of his, I don't have his phone number, nor his address, and I live 5 hours away. And I've never dealt with this kind of situation, so any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for any typos.

Edit: He's in his late 30's I'd say, possibly in his 40s already.",4.735870743347082,4.896947274447953,5.062618296529969,87.72054800614741,69.15772870662461,8.079851168810158,26.98196230688344,7.702957570686157,1.2532768421904068,2428,68,532,25,39,769,266,634,0.123,0.774,0.103,-0.9753,5,2,0,1,0,2,83.0,1,0,5,6,25,22,9,1,19,0,50,12,6,4,9,91,102,49,5,16,18,3,2,0,4,8,5,7,6,1,16,28,1,1,11,1,3,12,17,10,0,1,24,15,67,12,77,63,15,91,0,0,5,0,116,25,5,18,51,309,83,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996413700777858,0.13597232098458026,0.0,0.0511998142376529,0.1059115645352793,0.056423782899488024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908198496583635,0.05361479187504845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0357516374271292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047800119379196884,0.0,0.09607758374479372,0.11794860505161688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654697311299511,0.05847967556002305,0.10426191353995984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164709426086704,0.0,0.0,0.03297494533132258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052334237702548164,0.0,0.05232425799735011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03377121584527524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964025778497098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182720871686308,0.0,0.15801320304883734,0.0,0.16028146887552336,0.049049038755216864,0.0871759316341043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062723795104771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054349335065959216,0.0,0.0,0.06854339845118404,0.0,0.05128806470658831,0.05078412763987323,0.1510597417425671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221740775715278,0.0,0.1131366547146049,0.05324455202040078,0.02809998796709672,0.08335637055067954,0.05767743590150973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083449618179282,0.0,0.0,0.1354475160668436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676183884316747,0.0,0.1036766121541088,0.0,0.0,0.05679446369387766,0.0,0.05152752227848112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243564207806056,0.05434363425576955,0.03758680378768227,0.0,0.11830499095961408,0.0,0.21751148540475213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445231832552703,0.034647352959367626,0.03888705252403886,0.0,0.0,0.056774374101601514,0.0,0.048809851860281056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966697067442042,0.057641961061933936,0.04896888931124392,0.05201810458792842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051144340907897316,0.0,0.032755510305014966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454727330342525,0.08132205844304129,0.0,0.0,0.12223317603698225,0.09309458151500252,0.0,0.0,0.262423639326423,0.08459136299591055,0.11494565816117032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057236413411192164,0.0,0.10899662883773074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345270468285871,0.0,0.11185694570352496,0.0,0.09637979033451832,0.0,0.15377510375693648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310494503008225,0.0,0.04059190905548013,0.20870225753216512,0.0,0.048465739512451436,0.0,0.0,0.034714256103042816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063238465013637,0.0,0.0820276127574948,0.0,0.0,0.04739848971038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861180803397734,0.0,0.0,0.21792985935389286,0.0,0.0,0.16463184184351848
suicidewatch,PlasticFeline,2018/01/09,Goodbye This week up until Tuesday the 16th will be my last days. I have the drugs and the proper amount to overdose. This probably won't get much attention but who cares. Goodbye.,1.9182352941176468,4.751023764705884,2.3325882352941183,90.45064705882356,90.76470588235294,5.072941176470589,24.44705882352941,6.742157984588678,1.188430588235295,144,6,26,2,5,44,30,34,0.0,0.8859999999999999,0.114,0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133537903794169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26146304393372244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701597167185272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211815770616582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33047227457789724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29803112730961434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371124731195171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32520431956287066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThePretzelRuns,2018/01/09,"Ten years of battling depression and social anxiety and nothing has changed This turned out to be pretty long, and I'm not currently in danger, so if you're seeing this and wish to move to something more important, I encourage you to do so.

I'm 21M in my third year of college. Decided it'd be a good idea to go on a climbing trip with my university's club, and while it's been beautiful, I've been hit by a wave of feeling worthless that isn't going well.

I can never seem to be comfortable in a group of people. Only with my late high school friends do I feel like I can be a welcome part of a group. With this group, I feel like I'm only in the way, like I take away from the experience by being present. 

The most frustrating part is that this has been happening for years. At 12, I remember running a couple miles home from a group hangout because I felt like I didn't fit. I would leave early from many hangouts in high school because I felt totally peripheral in the group and that it didn't matter one but that I was there. I try to shower people in genuine compliments and friendship and goofiness, but I feel like it's all unwelcome and I get no sense of feeling welcome in return.

How I usually cope with this is by going and being away from these groups, which then prompts people to feel uncomfortable and eventually they send someone to check on me because they're nice people. Nevermind the embarrassment around that interaction. I understand that is significant on some level, but the fact that I have to be painstakingly oblique from the groups I've encountered over the years to get any sense of care or attention is discouraging.

I just want to feel like I belong, and nearly ten years of encountering so many feelings in opposition of that goal had been incredibly fatiguing. I don't know how to feel comfortable with my closest peers (despite otherwise being an objectively *very* social and carefree, outgoing individual) and I feel as if I will forever stand out because of it.

Sorry for the ramble, but I needed to get these feelings recorded to try to problem solve and felt like it'd be good to get some outside input.",9.018051865099645,7.310327419902912,8.991599386816556,69.21921563617785,61.20873786407768,12.460091977516608,39.40265712825754,11.313756151347434,4.380235922330097,1715,73,315,39,19,563,202,412,0.09,0.7240000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9891,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,1,2,9,29,3,1,18,0,34,1,0,2,4,69,70,30,0,7,9,0,14,7,1,2,1,0,2,0,22,23,0,1,21,3,1,8,7,10,1,4,11,15,31,19,63,45,8,51,0,4,1,0,17,26,0,7,22,213,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449717497981242,0.0,0.061306010914024926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134057857559357,0.0,0.0,0.15058619976595095,0.0,0.0,0.1954076284701628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170691189535392,0.0,0.0847762911150287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886721277433877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902348535066573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839118554406918,0.0,0.0,0.4457267878981108,0.2290048792155777,0.23083762805461866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191508683017693,0.0,0.16747699341941116,0.0,0.13663428808436773,0.13443335239432805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086653196769911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934221756666187,0.08038581380262738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046702189250533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404222334185565,0.0,0.09040012816853572,0.0848554848737956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27406260374760083,0.0,0.0,0.07092037201156816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249645776236174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851749288968826,0.0,0.0594219515452804,0.06180803161909532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689540049180561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054304167639764034,0.12189843315062054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735651585022299,0.0,0.2222327889704732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153003420372118,0.0,0.07668206898712529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907817097430916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220961571328288,0.0638602982690333,0.07295541115179963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338295759021204,0.06790139863559391,0.061694812037182814,0.0,0.08970889616373587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025445163900335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088180551697618,0.08716807058792378,0.0,0.08342738272534142,0.0,0.0,0.08826163576017766,0.06612295486982582,0.047267977776743464,0.06361049936369201,0.0,0.0,0.07205446220832966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215573757984068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056928349042723876,0.0,0.0,0.2580340018701596
suicidewatch,thegamerrr,2018/01/09,my days are numbered I plan to end my life the 4th of may My debt will be paid off im 18 and can barely pay it off but that is when it will be paid off I am gonna try to make these final months the best it may be even sooner but thats the latest i can go I have had enough to many mistakes and putting myself in debt is for sure one of them im talking 1k I hope these months fly..,-1.0963333333333338,0.3826495888888921,1.1588888888888924,104.565,86.44444444444444,4.0,14.444444444444445,3.1291,-1.6058888888888891,293,4,82,0,9,98,59,90,0.097,0.772,0.131,0.7428,2,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,1,1,10,21,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,10,3,10,10,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,7,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409607428817947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807897162497435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336564451532607,0.23724773443129374,0.0,0.15165474461433534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152571096915666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049222854020598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805379418296198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960347838790287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621798041466981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326595781095315,0.2327877416487894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665438266739848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558917063244426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082071548970426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164040015042792,0.0,0.0,0.18455121829730486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588960930229973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Red4235555556,2018/01/09,"I don't really know if this is my sorta thing I'm 15, from the UK and I suppose depressed is the right word. I've had suicidal thoughts since I turned 14 and I'm beginning to seriously think about acting on them. The main thing stopping me right now is the thought of my mum or dad walking in and seeing my body. See here's the thing, I spoke to my family about feeling depressed and he gave me the typical ""life gets better once you're out of school"" Well that's a load of bullshit since I'm struggling with my GCSEs and I'll be lucky to get C's. Considering I want to go into politics that's shit. So I'll end up working in a dead end job, slaving away to make some rich asshole from America richer. It's bullshit and I refuse to take part of it. But anyway, right now the plan is on Friday, I'll tell my parents I'm going over a mates house, grab some alcohol and some rope and head to the forest and tie the rope, get drunk and call the police so at least a professional can deal with me rather than some poor old lady going for her morning walk. But I don't know why I feel this way. I'm popular in school, I'm good at sports, I'm not a social outcast but yet I feel alone and worthless. I don't even really know why I'm typing this up and I'm considering pressing cancel but I suppose I've come this far and as of now I'm just typing as I think. See, when I was little I shared a room with my brother. He's a nice enough guy, qualified engineer and all that. But he was speaking to his now fiance while I was pretending to be asleep. They were talking about me and my brother said ""he's an annoying cunt"" and his gf said ""disgusting child."" Yeah... I went to my dad about feeling down and he told me to man up and that there's always someone who has it worse. My friend also recently said the words ""You're not funny. You're actually quite unfunny. Nobody likes you, here's the thing *Name* nobody likes you. People just tolerate you. Nobody would miss you if you disappeared."" And this is my friend of 7 years! He doesn't know about how I feel, that's been kept to myself. But if even he's picking up on it, it must have some form of truth. But anyway, I don't know why I feel like this and I don't want to, but I also recognise that life is shit and I don't want to take part in it. I don't really know why im typing this. Presumably cause I'm feeling like shit and it's 2:30 in the morning but either way. 
There we go",1.3567454230578946,3.09786942054264,3.167283523008411,91.90903760514598,79.60077519379846,6.40699323767112,21.05624278410028,7.378060373470096,0.5176968167573817,1895,52,430,26,47,633,231,516,0.129,0.762,0.109,-0.926,2,1,1,0,0,0,57.0,1,5,2,4,28,27,6,1,21,1,27,10,6,4,3,90,83,44,2,9,19,6,9,4,4,2,3,5,1,3,25,29,2,3,18,3,2,10,10,12,1,0,16,17,51,15,54,63,13,51,0,4,3,0,47,25,4,11,18,252,76,9,0.0,0.0,0.07535264504115506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252148075104743,0.0,0.07997351579125292,0.0,0.12350080044584395,0.06425072267105436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254790536344352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829215402951491,0.0,0.0857706702569784,0.0,0.0,0.07884718172182563,0.0,0.0,0.07932312069299266,0.0,0.06651560093705891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796073276731187,0.13301376330256198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367826705434409,0.07978579364580876,0.0,0.10200218929982054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279330747128332,0.0,0.2733026171739036,0.11032766834491227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931531221071978,0.0,0.12102807317034857,0.0,0.17553678299432965,0.0647659489538389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645696164552378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924691040481892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909804086538907,0.0,0.0,0.08340760134671966,0.0,0.07662594930896506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546186348523324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908128938034953,0.1508972867082494,0.07739171113721723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515429414411258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102624330692508,0.08223357588162708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574033107103236,0.1672369541562464,0.0,0.0535325393958493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212977531168418,0.0,0.0,0.1484015460704149,0.0,0.07624246360133607,0.0,0.0,0.19782866656157425,0.2203531243534893,0.0,0.0,0.1562954356786769,0.18459583477784225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778639648000624,0.12774938665179675,0.0,0.0,0.07871299869228995,0.0654257063385215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455686246092662,0.0,0.08072396514576717,0.0,0.08446285590090005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161151357037168,0.062064092858242076,0.06749105406745498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051981522696933,0.0989550605644842,0.0,0.122603332094644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378414446135415,0.0,0.0,0.08398991335933226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663374666994862,0.12258250743112163,0.0,0.0,0.06942734876673189,0.07158092474541854,0.2787052980578029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621488947841003,0.0,0.0786907111937078,0.05485273531396274,0.0,0.0,0.04972521088206567
suicidewatch,Mermaidsandfairies,2018/01/09,"I i am lonely, suicidal and always get used. Y men. Growing up as the only child, i have always been alone nonetheless. I only live with my mother and a majority of my family do not live in my city, I am not close to any of them. I do have a few friends however I am not really ""close"" to them. They are not there for me really. That is why I long for a sibling my own age to look out for me and vice versa.
For the past year I have been meeting up with guys, hoping for a relationship. However they all take advantage of me and use me for sex - there is an ongoing pattern where every guy blocks me after sleeping with me. I recently have been speaking to a guy, for him to only block me from all social media after sleeping with me and apologies and claims hes ""Back with his ex"". This has a massive impact on my mental health. It may not seem like a big deal, however for a person who is lonely and has been used countless times in the past, it truly is destructive.
I have been crying for hours. I feel ugly, lonely, unwanted and depressed.
I dont feel like I have anything going for me. i hate my life.
",2.5536172295643667,3.9219361409691658,4.611152716593246,84.46467816935879,75.25550660792952,7.687616250611845,23.62432697014195,8.344100000000001,1.390890553108174,852,25,177,15,18,294,120,227,0.179,0.768,0.053,-0.9814,3,7,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,4,1,4,11,2,0,12,0,26,5,2,3,2,34,38,9,1,2,5,2,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,6,5,16,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,4,37,5,33,32,5,23,0,4,1,1,23,10,0,3,13,133,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299260949569344,0.0,0.0,0.20876524965091284,0.0,0.0,0.08530881053811128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032328563024248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646162014013544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377985253973474,0.0,0.12933118060637624,0.1080480123353416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470238954994063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569518790405376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826102785614588,0.0,0.12686036099251138,0.08961993837543697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692066448954216,0.0,0.0655413014821481,0.0,0.07129487965518003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726391553725409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238537378575685,0.0,0.13334515262068292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459797792610988,0.12354082034341715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860749600561045,0.12257492375834825,0.0,0.22154542375549108,0.1110173615690797,0.10534456302950923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264218838013568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862261303193529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395082529640229,0.0,0.10953618631144707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607301548580035,0.0,0.12386457526106738,0.13468399717025153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420297198862818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25107680778099084,0.12787824120592284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721953983814325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432113868019107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314962507724566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250398820004097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319713364539673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078427473015361
suicidewatch,blocdebranche,2018/01/09,"Worried about client (me in Canada, them in the US) Keeps talking about killing herself Not a throwaway account, but I will keep my client anonymous. I live in Canada and I work with clients virtually all over. One such client lives in the Southwestern US. She's an intelligent but high-strung woman who has a good heart and tries to do good in the world. 

I know she has a past history of some ""abuse"" which she has not detailed to me, and has also told me over the past year of knowing her that she has been ""assaulted"" by her current boyfriend on more than one occasion. 

She's been going through tough times with her family and her SO, and over Christmas ""jokingly"" told me she hated her SO so much she wanted to buy a gun and kill him and then kill herself. 

I said c'mon... you're joking? And she said there was a gun shop nearby and she'd driven by and even though of how she'd do it. But then she laughed and I thought... ok... ummm odd. 

Today had a call with her, she told me on Saturday she sat outside the same gun shop and that she keeps thinking that it would just be so much better if she either took her own life, or killed her SO and then took her own life. She cried a bit and I said - ""Are you serious? if you're serious you NEED TO GET help and I might be obligated somehow just to report this.""

(I also make a habit of recording my client calls and clients are aware of this, so this conversation is recorded, on video)

The thing is, what do I do? I've told her to seek help, to speak to someone, I told her to contact a suicide crisis centre and get help. I told her to promise me not to do anything, to harm herself or anyone else. 

I don't know if she's seeking attention/creating drama or not. 

If I contact the police where she lives and say I know this person made what I think is a threat to another person (her SO) and I'm wrong and she'd never do it, do I risk getting her into a huge amount of trouble? 

I don't know anyone who lives near her, I know she feels isolated having moved away from her family... I am unsure the right thing to do and looking for some help. 

Sorry if I've said anything here triggering or upsetting to anyone. ",3.0124093473005646,4.374773748858448,4.0090034918076825,89.26489121676072,74.06849315068494,6.9794251947354295,24.98280956218104,7.5105763829236425,1.0517147998925598,1674,53,359,20,34,541,202,438,0.19,0.7240000000000001,0.086,-0.9948,1,0,0,3,1,1,62.0,2,2,1,3,21,23,7,2,20,1,34,3,1,4,2,71,72,47,5,8,19,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,3,17,25,0,3,10,6,4,5,7,15,0,2,20,8,73,8,46,44,12,34,0,0,1,0,72,18,0,13,11,259,90,2,0.0,0.08715122404282945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176445925286866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712934139017145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542951199811323,0.07536628866985244,0.1210597966986247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910780120032207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505385070141019,0.08030354094331592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021675215404054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807972484123803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144617083475201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048582705350454135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868313347539465,0.0,0.03719186424978062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528911797540395,0.0,0.04180327826745543,0.12338970511772905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262081503139528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716360608091095,0.19721076942739307,0.0777154103404414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961384891658075,0.3255129922190648,0.0,0.2425450316052677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390883132196588,0.0,0.0,0.2598033699734068,0.0,0.061768083536783314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959998016096629,0.04909885864448465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803074767763178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817784182888014,0.1081434924847562,0.05454046148596592,0.05673052601572419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968620304996448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043407036285954,0.0,0.12845162791155856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281598387516903,0.2798724481504539,0.058494275449419875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232332531700518,0.0,0.0,0.08233934545953768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045776408249139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912111410299906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977339941290228,0.09426277187462563,0.07226789237498671,0.05839484033651469,0.042890795903629264,0.0,0.06972200092270918,0.421712519055622,0.16344570471003153,0.04993934726665416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769563880804916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338493190496247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354927047321217,0.07469916737115805,0.0,0.052251707452898574,0.08042137794389911,0.0,0.04736732192427252
suicidewatch,throwaway9yyryuorr,2018/01/09,"I need the best way to kill my self That will actually work. I don't have access to a firearm. I'm considering driving my car at full speed into a wall, not traffic I don't want to hurt anyone else. I've thought about hanging, considering going to get rope in the morning when Home Depot opens. I sat in a bath tub with a knife and warm water , reading about failed attempts at slitting wrists , and it discouraged me from plunging the knife straight into my wrist. Not looking for any please stay bullshit, I'm passed that phase there is nothing left, just matter of fact. So if anyone knows the best way to do this, please respond. ",5.403841463414634,6.176653398373986,5.276168699186993,84.61961890243903,67.86178861788618,7.450813008130081,30.822154471544714,7.1686216300943375,1.7230983739837402,500,19,98,4,8,155,88,123,0.117,0.728,0.156,0.4882,0,0,0,1,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,6,7,1,0,8,0,6,3,2,0,1,17,16,5,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,6,1,1,2,2,0,5,4,4,0,0,2,2,8,3,17,13,3,21,0,3,1,0,2,11,0,1,2,55,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.1805075706299442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257884048076307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586757123044531,0.18952733315027476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882368050414324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452172444926546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664108209283137,0.0,0.10512477112514257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554362297020716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801808622753636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464590472040772,0.0,0.1016566642290288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009743796621496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553312542403695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715559564704022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748717742692474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060909770684445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850236767708579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296782720196407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715726769754335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468483927502037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910223374370524,0.2936468999334235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466299859064726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwapiaway,2018/01/09,"Help for a terminally-ill friend I have a friend who was recently given a diagnosis for a terminal disease.  The time horizon isn't great, but it isn't immediate, either.

He's deeply religious, and I while I think his scruples are strong enough to make it highly unlikely, I can't rule out that he'll  commit suicide.  He's told me already that he's praying every day for death, that he envies the people killed in plane crashes or natural disasters that come up in the news, that he thinks God is torturing him.  He says that he's only suffering through this so he can get to heaven and give God the finger.  He's (understandably) at a really fucked-up place right now.

More than keeping him from suicide, I want him to have some happiness, some joy in his life.  He doesn't like talking to psychologists.  I've tried referring him to some members of the clergy that I know, and I'm trying to find other resources-- but most support groups with ""terminally ill"" in their names are for the family members, not the people who are actually *dying*.

What can I do for my friend?

Any help you can provide would be appreciated.",6.323058950395397,6.772995985981313,6.9860747663551415,74.29569734004315,65.77570093457945,10.32293314162473,32.349388928828176,10.214889679676881,3.240453342918764,887,34,164,20,13,293,133,214,0.185,0.6,0.215,0.4638,0,0,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,1,1,1,2,13,2,0,12,0,17,3,1,1,1,28,32,8,5,2,5,0,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,14,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,2,17,10,23,26,7,16,2,1,0,0,32,10,0,5,6,100,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.148077043493921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744964607205753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031888857887081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071118508980986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786020435410253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748289956751801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567887156374508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784809217536788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304763622570185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868825935813714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517034869725129,0.0,0.07927825778397495,0.14556351520008104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672946677826713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153080674151304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203417197880416,0.16032239060250258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487411456095652,0.16787861267193654,0.0,0.08339272551259794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717895054065513,0.0741328458835398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128810179674104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540564718135735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039580389327514,0.0,0.15853674493791242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720898397144086,0.0,0.14982564437668572,0.0,0.0,0.12958573671295054,0.0,0.12067030252470012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319594150949168,0.17219355879510614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219634343633359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445863909817307,0.0,0.0,0.08848122790565212,0.0,0.0,0.14499475051736302,0.0,0.20604396229385136,0.0,0.0,0.15796742988760568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950060185824997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779224628956288,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGreatGingerPrime,2018/01/09,"I just dont want to feel suicidal anymore... I promised myself and my friends I wouldn't try to kill myself ever again... I've been mostly successful. In the last three years I've only come close twice.

Laid on the commuter train tracks until the last second when I remembered I'd my promise. And thought about what a mess I was going to leave... Not just on the train. I have been cutting myself and drinking heavily that week... And a friend found out so my drunk ass forgot about my promise.

The time before that I just move back after losing everything. I had less than $200 bucks to my name and took a job running a laser cutter for a friend. I was staying in my friends hall closet for $400 bucks a month. I had started getting close to a friend and that scared me... For some reason so I through an extension cored over the rafters at my friend's shop and stood on a stool on top of table 20 feet in the air with a electrical cord around my neck. But I made a promise, after a while I got down. But I said goodbye to this new friend... And it was too late, she has never spoken to me again.

I moved on I got meds that for the first time in my life feel like they are helping to some extent. I was seeing a Theripist I was doing good. But I can't afford to see her any longer.

I closed myself off from everyone. I worked 11-14hr days and then sleep on Sunday. I got a place of my own. I hide. Some of my friends started talking to me again. Things were good...

But I'm so damn alone. I've gotten to the point I can't trust anyone, even my friends. I feel like everyone is just going  use me then dump me, then wonder why I didn't come back and why I just pushed them away.

I can't talk to anyone about anything anymore. I'm sad and it just frightens them because I've tried so many times to hurt myself... I just have to hide alone, suicidal, crying, sober, pushing, working for nothing... Knowing I can never go back into world I just have to stay as a silent slave to a promise.

3yrs ago my mind slipped. I remember watching myself do it but it feels like a dream of movie that never was. I woke up sitting on the floor covered in my own blood my wrist we're cut deep. I thought for sure I was dead. There wasn't a note I needed people to know I loved them and that I didn't know what I was doing... I was so scared but it was for the best. I scared my friends telling them goodbye (I'm such a moron) When I didn't die, and things got worse because things always do. I decided to kill myself... I was going to finish what was in front of me then do it.

I ruin everything trying to make sure everything was taken care of... I still don't understand why I didn't just go through with it on Christmas 2015. That was why I came back. That was why I can't kill myself. That is why I'm doomed.

I'm sorry that you read this... But I need to say it some where... I just want to kill myself but I can't... Being alone forever because people care about is the hell I think the church folks promised me for trying...",1.0138374603174611,3.0428050880000015,2.306887619047618,96.19307555555555,82.12,4.992253968253969,19.840634920634926,6.008053513576303,-0.17062184126984148,2320,62,523,16,63,743,272,625,0.127,0.725,0.14800000000000002,0.9455,2,3,1,0,0,7,98.0,0,1,5,7,38,48,10,3,32,0,48,10,6,4,6,82,100,35,8,5,19,0,4,3,10,1,1,2,1,0,26,24,2,1,17,5,3,15,17,19,0,4,41,9,93,29,73,57,10,92,3,5,3,2,26,35,3,6,42,346,119,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050623182382128,0.0,0.0,0.17703142055889962,0.0,0.0,0.04740901448792177,0.0,0.0,0.038745975601893065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130107611493886,0.07967859082940404,0.0,0.04688680695906042,0.0507211670685466,0.0,0.0,0.053531299780903,0.17524565431839206,0.0,0.10419704151545506,0.0,0.048482807227885685,0.0,0.05979332434852424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516594030526246,0.116182683450147,0.0,0.0,0.09816042395795516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625860127382415,0.03674513065354997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913261430938084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677603675379287,0.055815281404898984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03763244263471546,0.0515385086031068,0.0,0.1088869798914543,0.15362042011689284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152361267460714,0.12211207460874947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048464184038080685,0.0,0.06247179428452325,0.440199046023905,0.0,0.029767871010335283,0.0,0.1619052973681671,0.09557837436308987,0.1822772562511916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819014870563961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099452449086346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654038725040025,0.0,0.25214423359451776,0.0,0.09393838735799387,0.09288690840621308,0.0642719766983075,0.06032988953693112,0.0,0.0,0.04024418880913199,0.08350752358497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374213242784209,0.0,0.0,0.051423518142675866,0.05391254443100736,0.038032257941174936,0.057765230860010584,0.0,0.0,0.06328804999859967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753002549002914,0.0,0.045478100818726136,0.12111401070437465,0.0,0.08449470952001377,0.13183137397497874,0.055028261291587666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546704909466768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043333197716326766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790006658380023,0.0,0.059528318427100275,0.0,0.05386121142681622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056991921289563235,0.0,0.0,0.058581334135773176,0.0,0.0,0.12908654116867296,0.0,0.0541977014972926,0.04531000176771674,0.17113025631798506,0.0,0.09080579166087607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701765038757299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378052996913038,0.08065652364834681,0.121458741696063,0.0455015086068732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464609245246668,0.0,0.1073993588956644,0.0,0.0,0.09159110917896966,0.04979997464729803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355796988838394,0.03650824228058307,0.0,0.09046595751616436,0.09967037064469668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330299086908926,0.154733221023471,0.0,0.0,0.0593145486312509,0.0,0.04920940466441728,0.0,0.0,0.0672124349332586,0.0,0.04570311364716456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30847458902051217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617885866568691,0.08295914501579653,0.0,0.05806392382770908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03669099965135273
suicidewatch,Throw87654321,2018/01/09,"I feel like I've ruined my own life. I think my depression has ruined me. I'm disgustingly out of shape and generally unhealthy. I've lost all my friends and don't talk to anyone. I'm not a successful person.

My mental health makes it impossible to do more than crawl out of bed occasionally. I have struggled for so long to improve my life but I just can't. I'm barely surviving and I cannot live that way. 

There isn't a point in living just to live. I don't understand why I'm still here.",0.6499190938511354,2.958561815533983,3.1089563106796128,88.06078074433657,86.18446601941747,6.5401294498381874,20.23381877022653,7.793537801064563,0.8755702265372172,389,12,85,8,12,134,66,103,0.191,0.748,0.061,-0.8581,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,1,1,2,0,8,3,0,1,1,15,17,5,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,12,3,11,16,3,8,0,4,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460030351778894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811768891936924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045649699012188,0.1477389167973411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977420032335155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198201512461124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921398009704845,0.10103268754053496,0.0,0.5478281092416215,0.1830126759874,0.0,0.0,0.2257480889615426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804149858863335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840710795903528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805709511645938,0.0,0.0,0.1954941079926647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515181522620714,0.0,0.0,0.21619365929021608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621908154934947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250994676791206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528748552953506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641492758603293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660604116101887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilubdickpics,2018/01/09,"I want to but I don't want people to think it's about him I was seeing (I guess we can call it that) a guy and he ended it today. 
And that made me sad but honestly basically all my stuff is fucked up right now. 

I'm broke. Work is scarce and I'm freelance so that means money is scarce. 
I'm behind on rent. I'm behind on everything.

I'm gonna lose my car in 10 days. 
I'm getting divorced.
And no one really cares about me. 

I'm trash. 

And I want to kill myself. 

I'm looking into the methods and what would be easiest and most effective. But I don't want him to think it's about him. 

I don't want that to be what people think it is. 

It's not about him. 

It's about a long slog of life full of people that never really liked me or cared about me. Who threw me away. And treated me badly. 

It's about a life of doing the right thing at the way wrong time and getting punished for it. 

It's about a girl who tried her hardest and didn't get the results that anyone else did. 

It's about me knowing I'm turning into my monstrous abusive family and not wanting to inflict that on anyone else. Ever. 
I'm a monster because I emotionally blackmailed this guy. I was all if you want to cut this off I'm cutting myself. And that's wrong. 

I'm going to cut myself. I did cut myself. Because something is internally wrong with me and I don't do unhappiness like everyone else. Not him 

And now I want to kill myself and yet,  I don't cuz I don't want to out that on him.",-0.6923461091753786,1.4409520317460327,1.9409446380178117,94.83111498257843,92.17460317460319,4.596980255516841,17.524196670538135,6.219705907916566,-0.25514479287650005,1130,31,258,12,41,388,136,315,0.21600000000000005,0.674,0.11,-0.9933,1,0,2,0,1,5,32.0,1,1,0,3,14,21,8,0,9,0,22,3,0,4,4,53,62,22,2,11,8,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,3,28,20,0,0,6,0,2,3,12,15,0,1,7,2,39,6,38,51,4,29,0,3,2,1,17,15,1,4,12,172,67,1,0.0,0.11305291676991705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343483161069475,0.19553090283764996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964691641522393,0.0,0.07966876861843404,0.11632999148387264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974308861707564,0.0,0.19456690487211736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061535730868623975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239124656486665,0.10733068835747152,0.08451067313266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630966167117562,0.0,0.0911745280330153,0.08575417259470082,0.0,0.08995015800627228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821099089563955,0.14955350543952428,0.0,0.054227379943141064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051120013183556,0.1889546173845016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112837840799328,0.0,0.05243839768590397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479095202757613,0.0932313371492248,0.0,0.0,0.08444057518868603,0.08012580527485769,0.10674662564284372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028537293358872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393651036676316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359106548884979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465667086315546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844930300906746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225247055552865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297029157892198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603457461670735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345626181610883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922903231370076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339046424884417,0.1834170676364791,0.0,0.0,0.05563811217505734,0.0,0.090443658754276,0.0,0.0,0.06478152122460702,0.1037857220677249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065119663699564,0.07573715424721066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946432806179192,0.0,0.0,0.06778112411657661,0.31296880039500913,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiquidNightShade,2018/01/09,"I had it all. I lost it all. It's over? - I love my family. I couldn't die. It would devastate my sisters, ruin their lives, ruin my parents. It would hurt everyone I care about.

I am 26. Female. Pharmacist. I was working in a hospital. I was sexually assaulted. It brought back memories of a family member that assaulted my sister.
I eventually resigned from that job. I couldn't hack it. I didn't feel safe. I was lonely. It was away from friends and family and I don't drive.

I met a man. Possibly the best man I could hope to have. Loyal, kind, compassionate, caring, trusting, emotionally mature.....
My issues made us fight regularly - but love saw us though - and he proposed. And i kept fighting, pushing him away. And now he's not talking to me. It's been about 2 days. Feels like a lifetime. I'm hoping we can fix this.

My health has taken a nose dive. Depression. Anxiety. A really painful and swollen foot - possibly a bunion, got prescribed pain killers - they messed up my stomach, and caused internal inflammation and again, ALOT of pain.

I've come to my maybe fiancés house. He asked for space. For time. But he wasn't himself - and I could feel him slipping away. So I came Over to his place - but he's currently on the night shift. 4 more hours till he gets home. I've bought him flowers. I want to reconcile. He was my only rock. 

I've messed up by being honest with his family. The engagement party is in 2 weeks time. They want to meet next Sunday.... Face to face..... Probably to break it off? Fuck. 

I've ruined everything. 

Can I fix it? 

Reddit people.... Can you please keep me company till 5 am? 

Love,

Helpneeded.",0.3594236913246469,2.7279994760383417,2.4028674121405764,88.55615169574835,98.96805111821087,6.241558122388793,20.715716392233965,7.468242284971852,1.3117029245514868,1248,46,247,30,52,415,183,313,0.192,0.637,0.17,-0.8699,4,2,0,0,3,0,84.0,3,1,3,3,8,35,5,0,11,0,25,14,5,2,2,39,53,16,1,10,4,3,3,1,1,2,5,0,1,2,14,13,0,3,4,1,1,5,6,18,0,0,19,5,44,17,31,27,5,33,0,8,1,4,36,13,1,3,15,147,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387271760118291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027616466664047,0.0,0.2721807774823072,0.07425328520883992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134004825863868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104457664347585,0.19691092401934054,0.0991998714705866,0.0,0.08318304935685622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420016982749613,0.0,0.0,0.062277074477339114,0.0,0.0831721451964938,0.0,0.10022025122475106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862374068186308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227294114489007,0.08678728468870459,0.0,0.3641352827263692,0.0,0.14647999721736965,0.06898676214356017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460664389129297,0.0892737011843745,0.05045174386292111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723264321815515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264513113480404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686356090776503,0.19182363261059754,0.09509804785123037,0.11142418660425264,0.10337588891006998,0.0,0.0,0.10078980433318482,0.09582684413262764,0.0858322883445494,0.0,0.10055861801648842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717726469894465,0.0,0.0852695378375939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541318465815018,0.0,0.2614637269454499,0.09137307406657236,0.0,0.0,0.09701351573354997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269902527602684,0.09062063952049272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344278639162287,0.30825906348588084,0.0,0.10722510344759184,0.0,0.0,0.06694669827874639,0.0,0.10089090593115424,0.1060004581717131,0.0,0.21772728755150053,0.0,0.0,0.10411446923389488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186264554231021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761608444913398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487559432262722,0.0,0.11261680999945115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232313990855129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139142450086094,0.0,0.07745941195002343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030119040039394,0.0,0.0,0.1371954165549086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,at_least_im_bleeding,2018/01/09,"I've been trying to get help for a while, but no one will help you until you're actually in crisis. Then, they'll thrown you in some facility for a few days or weeks, and then send you right back out with all of your same problems, plus some new medical debt. I'm not quite there yet, but I expect to be evicted soon. Debt and such are some of my biggest problems. Shit - as soon as they cut my internet off, I think that'll be it. It's weird how much Netflix has become my primary form of self-medication. It's as real as anything, but it sounds so dumb - it's not just a luxury - it's one of the only things that's kept me going.

And typing that, I can read the summation of my life now, ""Man Commits Suicide Because He Loses Internet and Netflix."" That's how cruel people are. 

Human lives are just jokes to, well, most people.

And as my family is handing a check for thousands of dollars to the funeral home director, they'll tell each other that they did everything they could, despite their refusals to help.

Fuck those people.
",4.355589459084605,5.194040592233009,5.385464632454924,82.65922330097091,70.2621359223301,8.409986130374481,27.335644937586693,8.634040054169528,1.8717819694868227,806,26,162,13,14,266,129,206,0.249,0.687,0.063,-0.9942,3,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,4,6,2,13,11,5,0,7,0,15,5,2,2,2,34,21,22,2,4,8,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,14,9,0,2,1,4,4,2,3,9,1,3,3,2,19,2,26,11,10,20,0,1,0,1,19,6,3,5,12,119,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.15288630934707442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892520852434386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046876291720793,0.0,0.09550394646358573,0.1730285621687702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508741969123208,0.0,0.0,0.1010385210470754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408039630029337,0.0,0.14769355632271422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483793292746755,0.08185306755233461,0.0,0.08903858282613637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31503571290850085,0.0,0.15715174515840638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065992270791178,0.0,0.0,0.13834156574925605,0.0,0.0,0.17527249663687833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740239008020535,0.15782749908003876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151697152924956,0.0,0.0,0.1513118619475338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232588961324034,0.11915380709294525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258436000649305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29982208038031155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663672825353265,0.15671136110581446,0.17832358052814073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379443945258154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343989795372166,0.0,0.16081844041843896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137041849758047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693558022656607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408389834297818,0.10038714628170876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636794271101152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567039300239335,0.0,0.140864214055134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,permanentlylost,2018/01/09,"My mind is gone now it’s time to go I’m losing my mind, slowly at first and now it’s an avalanche. My mind is always racing and my thoughts go round and round. I have cognitive problems and I can’t understand what anyone is saying. I’m deteriorating. I cry everyday, sobbing so hard I wear myself out. I lock myself in the bathroom at work and cry in the dark as quietly as I can. It’s been 3 years since I had a psychotic break. I took too many pills. Now my mind is broken, so broken that there is hardly any of me left. I can’t talk straight anymore because I can’t think straight. I am as quiet as a mouse, can’t look anyone in the eye. I am so alone. 3 years ago I was pretty, and smart, and funny, and full of life. Now I want to die. When there’s no more life, what other choice can be made. 

I can’t live like this anymore. So much pain. No more hope. It’s all gone. I’m gone. I am completely, and utterly gone. It’s almost time to say goodbye. 

Thank you for listening. ",-0.6577157540315426,1.4768595885167457,1.7695587453482204,96.16283714336348,91.87081339712921,4.818784334573809,17.310118731171364,6.42735559955562,-0.26003044479886617,750,20,176,9,27,254,113,209,0.174,0.722,0.104,-0.9416,0,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,0,3,12,8,0,0,6,0,20,6,2,1,1,23,39,18,1,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,10,10,0,0,3,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,10,11,25,4,16,28,5,30,0,2,4,0,5,10,1,2,13,106,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127065729836047,0.0,0.12569551528999034,0.1300064158205555,0.0,0.0,0.10444715460737433,0.0,0.0,0.08536154880704164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489748536130069,0.1755404997371692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651909397644466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316109510602026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757674260617926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302755051084986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677180653977254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267790890505944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248921325714308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467500492515718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363836702177083,0.0,0.17732454707180872,0.061325350048359165,0.0,0.11084119203861406,0.0,0.10540968748570967,0.14043076897096662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877513009465653,0.0,0.127263012398271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506979318749949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227558225635203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356783254593035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277044176418092,0.0,0.12011081632936342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964560795073252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383587439887776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089252903067572,0.0,0.11556688602701153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043158178061288,0.0,0.09965311400643273,0.1463896929721826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394632929165284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067632597453013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403810919546375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091383956607746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166843182366894
suicidewatch,Numbnut99,2018/01/09,"You are Taking a Gamble I notice that the majority of you lot here is below 30s and one way or another you are disgruntled with life and want to end it all.

I am in my mid- 40s. A couple of decades ago, I was in the same shoe as you, severely depressed and wanting to end it all with many attempts under my belt.  I took the gamble and went to the psychiatrist and was put on a buffet of meds. I got better for a while and then the meds would stop working prompting a change to another prescription. This went on and on. Tat said, during the times that I feel OK, I did experience success in my career and have many fantastic experiences.

Fast forward to today, no med work for me any more and I am in constant torture. I will be ending it. I guess what I wish to say is , try to get well when you are still young, take that gamble but be very wary of the meds you are taking as it can come back to bite you like you can never imagine. good luck",3.750615384615384,4.2987667282051305,5.085641025641029,85.31769230769233,71.46153846153845,8.051282051282051,25.76923076923077,8.139509932561175,1.3557692307692313,732,21,159,10,13,245,117,195,0.08199999999999999,0.835,0.083,-0.1932,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,8,0,5,5,9,1,0,12,1,18,2,1,0,3,28,33,16,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,9,12,0,1,2,0,3,6,2,2,1,1,8,3,23,7,27,21,6,33,0,1,0,0,10,11,0,4,18,115,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054443221832292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713289978208049,0.23787203609733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721683530873095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031520847582437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199886263626375,0.0977056071772466,0.0,0.12257214635554545,0.0,0.0,0.12550262183733665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769279930812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013826911693637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190285865676546,0.0,0.0,0.05735109567834431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059259888948412685,0.0,0.0,0.09513552125813796,0.09071634615317856,0.0,0.12495044178934304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011544254609608,0.05541373306233741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964298917268227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299903251163069,0.0,0.0,0.5039584877771701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748036408069518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913513147495725,0.0,0.0,0.07685972569878767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402346838165593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078931634336118,0.0902001245596312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813798192364662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058136358130436,0.09482839146520584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558444863289018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613903844854699,0.0,0.10751365188227936,0.0,0.12601936523113014,0.07700813984394017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358751629159884,0.1338020253015218,0.09003149749184737,0.0,0.0,0.1019827103776587,0.210292250721088,0.0,0.0,0.1304331696775602,0.0,0.0,0.16514952376622768,0.0,0.0,0.08057387640915901,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scandicide16,2018/01/09,"I'm not sure why I want to kill myself... but here I am.

It might be the senseless meaning of life
or the repetitive grind that will only get more intense
or maybe knowing I will contribute nothing to humanity

lets just see how long I can go without killing myself",6.257820512820516,6.2377896538461535,6.6007692307692345,78.61089743589746,65.92307692307692,9.241025641025642,36.56410256410256,8.841846274778883,3.1183256410256406,210,10,40,3,3,68,43,52,0.14300000000000002,0.737,0.12,0.1831,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,14,4,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,9,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839983174560224,0.0,0.13967147958667678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5437956439330067,0.0,0.1350636634044343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513069849338361,0.17358806311800787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174905017745664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689967369773946,0.2677054691047812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607132845338178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358140371061662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691210042678172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958394734835856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162656823863906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449560389059453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217608223436369,0.0,0.0,0.2369045621421912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NonastringentMojo,2018/01/09,"See this as my last letter to the world. All I can tell you is, game obsession is a real thing. Dont ever let you're kids touch the most toxic game ever called FIFA. It took over my life. I had to be the best. Skipped school. Quit my job. I got nothing now. I lose almost every game I play. I begged for help with the game, but even the fifa community ignores me. I watched so much tutorials. Nothing helps. It made me depressed to the point that every time I lose a game, I punch the controller in a certain place in my stomach so I can't breath. That is the right punishment for failing and failing. The game took over my life. I won't get better, I played over 250 games and lost over 150. All i wanted was to be good enough for the weekend league. But it won't ever happen. At first I was thinking, like, if there was a good reason to live, and anybody could give it to me, I might even not do it. But when I read on the internet nobody killed their self over FIFA, I realized, I had a shot at being 1st in at least something about the game. ",0.9526937578550516,2.984818322580648,2.503822790113116,94.6796302890658,82.36405529953917,5.051445328864683,19.54105571847507,6.11248444174946,-0.14805806451612913,804,21,180,6,22,262,124,217,0.17,0.726,0.104,-0.9613,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,10,11,18,2,1,17,0,20,4,2,3,6,27,31,11,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,9,4,0,2,3,12,0,2,5,10,0,1,10,3,28,8,24,13,7,27,0,6,2,0,18,16,0,4,10,124,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320163492479458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911748966497272,0.10881433091747383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256323430665388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799405173767892,0.09823332027247954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596974031839836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419593373283468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712789449482215,0.0,0.1625267227034678,0.333876210651298,0.20732434355820736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465338480235653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642806336560558,0.11802624396414894,0.0,0.2063915980333972,0.0984022129836376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879931593906568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493533967311175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209310898829948,0.0,0.13611983791643018,0.0,0.0,0.10028982806043378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258114750940329,0.17380631330515947,0.060108615417680235,0.0,0.1086420310594633,0.0,0.0,0.27528906327411307,0.13430707814460047,0.0,0.0,0.11641855465015274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305205381077875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044477498971877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23611052326314586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854523683084074,0.0,0.11630770634542413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086271294182594,0.1230681499693827,0.14004060073663835,0.0,0.1265003223561811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050710939106818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451784176759186,0.09804285005088713,0.0,0.12835218665970047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471824231068916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753788624226424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173889066040634,0.07883576714807376,0.0,0.0,0.071742613364933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27339250186724995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256914519644751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daylonjade,2018/01/09,"Is there a point anymore? I wish I was a kid again, but I can't be. My whole life, I've been shit on by every teacher hell nearly every adult in my life and now that I've become one I know why everyone is so fucking bitter and I can't blame them. You wake up, you go to work, come home sleep and do it again. Every fucking day monotonous menial tasks everyday. No self choice in the matter, if you don't work your a shitty human, if your not happy about working your a shitty worker. I'm fucking sick of it. It's all too much. I cut myself today to do the cliché called ""feeling"" all I felt was skin split and blood. Nothing past my bodily reaction, no pain, no relief. At this rate I don't even know if I'm worth the lead it would take to end my life. But I dream about it, I wish for it. I need it. Somedays I think it's not so bad, laugh a couple of times maybe but to know that inevitably I feel at home in my head with the suicidal thoughts. I feel as if my only options are to either A: quit being a fucking bitch about it and do it. Or. B:live long enough for world war 3 to die with a purpose or a reason. Since I was in grade school I've wanted to be apart of something feel involved and for me that first thoughts been the military but since I'm a depressed piece of shit and of my own mistakes tried to get help. This bullshit has robbed me of everything I ever wanted to be. It's been so long, I'm ready. ",2.4134001196172257,3.198396601973688,3.8892224880382784,91.79046650717704,74.7565789473684,6.579904306220096,22.699760765550238,6.574015621080383,0.3643802631578952,1093,27,254,8,22,363,161,304,0.239,0.654,0.107,-0.9953,0,0,1,0,0,2,35.0,0,6,1,7,13,18,11,0,15,0,22,16,7,2,3,48,50,21,3,11,13,0,6,0,0,1,5,0,2,4,16,10,0,0,12,1,1,3,9,15,0,2,9,7,33,3,34,36,8,28,1,1,0,4,14,12,8,7,13,162,49,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048824430097067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460304446647929,0.0,0.11190669465312532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346525668787232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728344595728099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211538034622902,0.0,0.06534693914863507,0.0,0.08727200429099126,0.0,0.10516047378923936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974483176937895,0.1046969268823484,0.0,0.06692492025818038,0.09165524045219996,0.2561147778546187,0.09682141174204924,0.09106534722487114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049340423687517,0.0,0.09728892691986042,0.0,0.0,0.08618791194633417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746973131174615,0.05293869475761046,0.0,0.05758594636504383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786349638687497,0.0,0.0,0.10398979072812907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791673560980123,0.0,0.2032766398705207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705849110406373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147088207679941,0.0,0.0,0.0894727850829444,0.1793407846349091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179566658260768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448632758072399,0.07513200447489092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722510660806012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866117419598668,0.07706304982238528,0.10781809321586362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672720871315386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578589715097097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777275862972883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041800861482688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254740257355846,0.0,0.0,0.10570519991147592,0.0,0.2080195301969201,0.16763596101986789,0.0,0.101399256554689,0.0,0.0,0.07800576678339217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083428570990214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618460202748523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492566074200103,0.0,0.16088317868753224,0.05908405213242095,0.0,0.0960452761601814,0.0,0.0,0.06879375714994361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195294945887182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914310270009257,0.1131269498368572,0.23303998297529466,0.0,0.0,0.2212997792394423,0.0,0.0,0.07197914009550557,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoodGalThrowAway,2018/01/09,Have been in chronic pain for the last 28 years. I'm at the end of what I can take. I'm just so exhausted. It's never ending. It's 24/7 now. Nothing they do or give me helps. Nothing is working. This is not living. This is not fair. I have so much I wanted to do.,-2.5937288135593235,-0.98355740677966,0.5109999999999992,101.90751694915257,106.1186440677966,3.0379661016949155,14.374576271186442,4.935628992294339,-1.232587796610169,199,5,50,1,10,69,43,59,0.14400000000000002,0.812,0.044,-0.7099,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,0,1,6,14,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775440630793668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586102137406958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069694507610554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197475154644809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23804823342548626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981757768969173,0.0,0.20792034376958315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173475901347596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868571331220722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026941478356154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900804363420634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626087588743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360371125784158
suicidewatch,sdfghjkl_,2018/01/09,"Plan for suicide as an emergency solution Hey,

so i'd like to get this off my chest and get an opinion about my situation, hope this is the right place to post this.

I am currently a student and close to finish my Bachelor degree in computer science. The problem is, this was the situation for the last 1,5 years. 

After highschool i went with my then gf to another city to go to college and study business. After 8 months or so she cheated on me and we broke up. It felt bad, i stopped going to lectures and my daily routine was like playing go to the supermarkt to buy fastfood for the next 3 days to stay at home for gaming. (not much friends in the new city yet) 

I realized I am too dumb to keep up with my courses, so i stopped studying business. My plan was to rent a car, buy 1L of vodka and end it right there. But before I did it a friend called me and said he has a minijob for me. I told myself, maybe this is a sign, that i made the wrong desicion and cancelled my suicide plans. 

In the summer I started studying computer science. Around this time i told myself continous something like ""well if it doesnt work out I just rent a car and drive into a tree"". Unfortunately, it kind of worked out since i passed all the exams in like seven semesters. 
(but i dont really know how, i feel like i got extremely lucky since i never really had the energy to learn for an exam more than 3 days and my GPA is shit like an C average) Always with the thought in my mind why not just end the suffering, i have like 0% fun in living my life. 

I'm not sure if i'm depressed, i just feel like im a lazy ass and havent found sth that i enjoy yet. 

Also i'm like still thinking about my ex-gf pretty much everyday and i dont how how to make this stop. Because i really dont want to and after 4 years it still hurts in a way, but i really dont know how to make it stop. Like everyday i see sth that reminds me of her or when my thoughts drift away, its most likely i will end up thinking about our relationship. But i really dont want to think about that.

Now, for the past 1,5 years i shouldve wrote my bachelor thesis but i have no idea how because I did nothing productive the last 18 months(beside working the dull minijob), became even more stupid and wasnt really good in any course in the first place, but its my last chance and if I can't make it I have no degree. But in the back of my head I have always this thought that killing myself is a decent option if I don't make it. I guess its my own fault, because i was so f'ing lazy the last five years and it would be a fitting solution to my problems.

Sorry for my bad english and i am really bad at describing feelings or writing in general. (social anxiety... probably the reason why i decided to study computer science..haha..) and sorry if i wasted your time reading this.

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suicidewatch,Isaac_K_,2018/01/09,"Why should I stay alive? What is the point? I’m going to sound like the biggest loser ever, like I’m not even human. 

I am a 22 year old male virgin, I’ve never even had a girlfriend, never kissed, the best I’ve gotten with females is BEING FRIENDS. 

High school ended, life was supposed to get better, right? WRONG, I couldn’t believe it was possible, but it actually got WORSE. I was hikkimori for 2-3 years, WAAAAAAAY too long, even after getting to move into civilization, the damage is done, I’m in civilization, which has even allowed me to get my first job (I’m on the third in just one year!) With the exception of the first job, I’ve been a SEASONAL WORKER, the last job I didn’t even last the whole seasonal period. 

I didn’t think I’d last as long as I have on my third (current) job, but I have been there for a little over three months now (even for seasonal workers, they’re A LOT more lenient, they even give you warnings before firing you for poor performance/incompetence.). I’ve been told I’ve improved, but once again, I’m (without being coached a third time) told I wasn’t working fast enough, even though I worked the best I can, hundreds of boxes by myself can not take less than an hour! It even took longer WITH A COWORKER HELPING ME! The expectations are UNREALISTIC! It’s like what the military is said to be like (which I can not join). 

Why am I worried when even other coworkers ignore being told to hurry and don’t get terminated? Because they’re NON-SEASONAL, it’s virtually impossible for them to get fired unless they mouth off or get violent. Maybe they won’t just get rid of me, but there’s no way they’ll keep me past the seasonal period (which NOBODY is actually supposed to expect, but I’ve struggled more with life than most people, so I am very worried). 

I don’t have any real skills, and I’m not even interested in pursuing anything. Some people say if you focus on career, Love will come to you, everything will fall into place. That sounds like bs, there are real life 40 and 50 year old virgins, and I’m on my way to becoming one.

I recently came up with a new suicide plan, thanks to Logan Paul. I could fly to Japan, and go to the Suicide Forest to take my way out. Although, the long flight would give me WAY too much time to back out. I feel like I would rather write a detailed Suicide note (maybe even a vlog) and post it public, and have everyone know my story and stick me with a bad reputation, than to die and be forever unknown about.

Putting aside my struggles with becoming financially independent, many females have told me I’m “ugly as fuck”, if they don’t then I’m just “Average” or “Not ugly, just not attractive to me.” 

What if women look past my looks? I’m still very non-mainstream. I want my female partner to SEXUALLY DOMINATE ME, not me being the dominant one. I also have a particular fetish that is even more non-mainstream, that many people think is bad to the point of calling it mental illness. Basically, I want my female partner to make me her ABDL. 

I hate to sound like an asshole, and I don’t mean too, I really am into these kind of girls, it seems like even all of the really weird awkward girls have boyfriends. 

I don’t understand how you actually get laid OR get a relationship. Whenever guys on YouTube asks even over 100 girls if they’ll have sex with them, NOT EVEN ONE SAYS YES. But when it’s a girl asking guys, some say yes! 

There was even this guy who acted like a nerd, but with CONFIDENCE, and the girls STILL said they’d be friends with him, but no sex, EVEN WHEN HE STILL ACTED HAPPY AND CONFIDENT. If a guy STILL can’t get laid by a girl acting like that, then how the Fuck do you get laid???? 

Sex is best with someone you love? Ok, let’s say some girl (oh yeah, my non-mainstream desire is for a woman who is sexually dominant, older than me, and BBW) wants me and falls in love with me. There’s no way she’ll be a virgin, in fact I’d prefer she HAS EXPERIENCE. But I’ll be giving my virginity to someone who has had sex with others, which will hurt me, make me feel like less, make me feel I missed out on experiences, make the relationship unbalanced. That’s why I feel I need to have sex with a few women before my future long-term partner (I hope I can get one). But I’m not the kind of guy that women want to have casual sex with.

Look, my logic is, logic. I don’t believe in anything without PROOF. Before I FINALLY got to move into civilization, I believed I’d be out in the isolated woods forever. Before I FINALLY landed my first job, I thought I’d NEVER be able to get a job. I believe things can happen AFTER THEY HAPPEN. I believe it when I see it. At the same time, I am stuck with “sci-fi” and “fantasy” ideas of reality, due to such long-term physical and social isolation. 

My brain tells me something, I have to accept it as fact, while maybe knowing on some level it’s not true, it’s confusing....




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suicidewatch,Coin420,2018/01/09,Is it possible to be happy but not want to live anymore? I’m not depressed or anything. My life is good. I just don’t want to live anymore. I still have these thoughts of actually killing myself. ,1.0684615384615377,3.623828153846155,2.580205128205129,90.45646153846157,87.97435897435898,5.171282051282052,28.312820512820515,6.742157984588678,1.4827497435897437,154,8,31,2,5,50,30,39,0.184,0.61,0.205,0.2469,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,9,2,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2372774451617057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822751060638309,0.0,0.0,0.20009014689569285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942307937921825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039410679326138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588356455138767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26900731789478194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717426750247312,0.0,0.0,0.4294084070815689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741129191521801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417836554906528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930324104206346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868300669473102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,indigoscythe,2018/01/09,"Decided to try losing weight instead of killing myself. For some reason focusing everything I have to this one goal takes my mind off it. Usually doesn't last. But I feel good for the first time in months. For now this seems to work for some reason. So I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
 
Edit: missing word",1.7839467312348667,4.407561728813559,2.6971428571428566,90.73762711864408,84.25423728813557,6.083292978208232,20.292978208232448,7.447530270364453,0.7800198547215498,238,7,47,4,7,75,47,59,0.14,0.762,0.097,-0.4256,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,10,6,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,2,4,2,10,6,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,8,31,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041052383094444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148299348491586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317341714802688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048294681557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512554589764237,0.0,0.0,0.37023797803023056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540697998281197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293089594532279,0.0,0.1812711864426084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389064829756338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669987422962014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674574359454295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075294638621036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242539460149166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541878071646605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25012150885066337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765498731957321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653334503041266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moonchild08,2018/01/09,"I want to die. What do I do. Don't tell me to go to a therapist or psych ward. I've done it before many times and they don't work.

I don't have friends, I don't have family, my boyfriend just broke up with me and we live together so he's going to expect me to leave. I've got too much debt, and I hate me. I've tried for years to feel good and be better and change. And I'm tired of being sad and alone...

What do I do...

I'm sorry.",-2.0657260726072617,-0.3958117722772254,0.8944801980198029,103.6405981848185,92.46534653465343,4.554785478547855,12.377062706270626,5.985473137389443,-1.3579313531353137,325,4,92,3,12,113,62,101,0.232,0.6990000000000001,0.069,-0.9418,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,1,2,3,6,1,0,1,0,13,1,0,0,0,14,21,9,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,2,1,13,3,10,17,1,5,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,52,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237685178880608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838474641764572,0.0,0.0,0.19108368488457947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285582537082332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423167742340014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210999660525158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036780597158712,0.0,0.10924423984053384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692407674331736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455788355485523,0.1812172475303312,0.17279945848282754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213310246601892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287717613643277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907811172770213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904654079255367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882577908510415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418566367978547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884218093897026,0.0,0.0,0.2508572884409679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598380019832162,0.2483242126425333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466876194653312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743523354086522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572911029028537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913276952578488
suicidewatch,86growlie,2018/01/10,"Selflessness is a Killer 2017 carried several medical nightmares for my close relatives and now even myself personally. I firmly believe that there is no one reason for wanting to die, but the final nail in my coffin is an injury to my dominant hand that requires surgery. While this would suck for anyone, I am an artist and I can't produce anything. It's a pain I can't put in words.

21, wanted to die since I was 9. I'm passive and pretty much grin and bear everything. I worry about how my mother and friends would process my death but I've already given so much. Is it so awful to be selfish just this once?",4.210073461891643,5.615080842975208,5.159118457300277,82.02029384756659,71.14876033057851,7.691827364554638,29.973370064279145,8.167268648758528,2.176878053259872,486,20,91,7,9,159,85,121,0.278,0.598,0.124,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,1,0,5,1,11,3,1,3,0,18,16,11,4,4,3,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,12,2,10,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,63,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170146237240173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413978178339792,0.0,0.1578689077841391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161392643268051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982016196408431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670926005217678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724144417168365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015258574367685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821598464594285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932597603157124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820506147888594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430454724414093,0.1299965176368464,0.0,0.2041324929326131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750827900343526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951714019374073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285332706728794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197244637380134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672587659716272,0.0,0.15869296890470835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263057431420082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948239842930992,0.0,0.2725568755408019,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shakey1234,2018/01/10,"I feel lost I am currently in my second year of university starting my second term. 
This past winter break, right before I went back to school, my girlfriend of four years broke up with me. We had been trying to make it work over the last couple months and I was doing everything in my power to be the best boyfriend I could be. I stopped all the habits that annoyed her about me, I told her I loved her each and every day and gave her space when she asked for it. Right now, she is going through a very difficult part of her life right now and she is extremely stressed about moving out from her parent's house as well as finding a steady job and didn't want the extra stress of our relationship on her plate. a couple days after the breakup, she messaged me saying that shes extremely upset and has no one elsed to talk to. She says that she thought she would feel better after breaking up with me but now she could not even leave her bed. I told her that that was what she wanted and she told me that she knew and that she would just have to get over how she was feeling. after that text she didn't reply again.

To make it even worse, my mother who I am extremely close with is extremely ill at the moment with chronic back pain and TMJ is considering doctor assisted suicide. As much as I try to stay strong for her, I feel so sad when I see her in pain and just want breakdown.

I have no close friends in university to help me through this and I feel like all of my support systems are gone. This semester also happens to be the most difficult and busy I have ever had and I really have no idea how to deal with all of this stress

I can't stop thinking about my girlfriend yet I can't do anything. I just want to die. I think that to myself about 10 times a day. I think about how it will make everything go away.  I just feel completely lost all the time. sorry fro the rant, but i feel like I just needed to get it off my chest.",3.7481283905967473,4.72813189873418,4.221152802893311,89.92536392405066,71.78481012658227,7.364376130198915,24.23372513562387,7.5804360353943165,0.8814611211573244,1520,40,332,17,28,479,193,395,0.173,0.7440000000000001,0.084,-0.9886,4,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,2,0,0,7,28,22,1,4,13,0,33,8,1,6,5,68,71,26,2,9,8,2,7,2,3,3,6,2,1,0,20,23,0,2,14,0,0,5,8,13,1,4,18,10,68,9,55,45,11,58,0,4,1,1,47,19,0,1,32,244,88,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764171413677275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696053425468532,0.0,0.07907452835626719,0.0,0.07946935822440379,0.13007959583737394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197466885891049,0.0,0.08876558446234466,0.07480758576418367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868460969839563,0.0,0.0,0.13506672272344905,0.18718095270646984,0.0,0.1636488538216599,0.08720228666078582,0.0,0.0,0.08778473395062447,0.0,0.0,0.08657520560534009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065899474113296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173373621928824,0.07651097991819998,0.07126558368261357,0.0,0.15203711033630887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29937712852016,0.12085350988207892,0.0,0.0,0.07730815208040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534931119119637,0.0,0.08838319318157509,0.0,0.0961419590231549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479726327930923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669480510567437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759846395499143,0.0,0.09548492732328144,0.0,0.0,0.08393646907395858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689471676262576,0.0,0.0895621369716761,0.0,0.0,0.059744109894831775,0.08264684192075232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466663687265664,0.0,0.07634027197481398,0.0,0.16938122982892986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751406186886975,0.08989929949444117,0.062178898725178636,0.06271788996713623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057316239575072474,0.0,0.1800064660603823,0.0,0.09392041093437616,0.09159612087779036,0.08074490325793496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418661212727343,0.0,0.0,0.09081145377931936,0.0,0.2167025648952748,0.0,0.13452902419199622,0.0,0.08560342234943942,0.06740241705211787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468475087667008,0.0598689196524255,0.09015518297552293,0.0,0.14143185535267205,0.29067171443707485,0.0,0.0,0.0925210578943478,0.09598480716542117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679853347042271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259384299355262,0.0,0.06715016835375341,0.0986431043961335,0.0,0.0,0.2424706231602023,0.0,0.11485383150659825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979057570446008,0.19955910245807446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605108406746908,0.07841012255460862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157808646748486,0.0,0.08619822013409872,0.12017195122080646,0.0,0.0,0.10893851660015266
suicidewatch,Throwawayprincess771,2018/01/10,"Helpline I tried to call my local helpline for the first time. It starts out with a message about the costs which lasted for over 20 seconds before I hung up. :( It took me a while before I decided to reach out, and that's what I hear first? It just sucks. Apparently money is still a priority even when it comes to this.",3.368437499999999,4.855857718750002,3.9676250000000017,89.41487500000002,73.375,6.995000000000001,23.7375,7.554174236665415,0.8317225000000001,250,7,54,3,5,79,48,64,0.08900000000000001,0.893,0.018000000000000002,-0.6486,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,6,0,11,5,0,15,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,8,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698421713600862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819053555133171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237815781361695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234617147858653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696616958382274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111587015594975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503949973114945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540863231770025,0.0,0.2204753481324483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098264533189752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067315651063803,0.1874380752270906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SUPERBirdplane,2018/01/10,"It’s... tempting in a different way... I’ve dealt with extreme depression and anxiety before. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts before. I know what it’s like and that’s not what I’m going through right now. When I think about doing it... you know, complete darkness, no more life, pop and everything is just gone... it just seems so appealing. It doesn’t seem like the only way out, but I’m so tempted to do it because it’s the fast and eady way out. Do you get it? Is this a dangerous mindset to have?",0.8721947194719455,3.271818059405941,2.5301237623762383,91.91386551155121,86.22772277227725,6.138943894389437,24.258250825082502,7.492282038375204,1.2731577557755778,388,16,82,7,12,127,64,101,0.151,0.813,0.036000000000000004,-0.8846,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,0,7,4,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,18,18,8,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,9,16,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,5,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582053613895815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260664901348641,0.0,0.35195187407685824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683124827090408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812095880099782,0.0,0.0,0.21606734870553806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586311948509046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804714690014633,0.0,0.11753212342647272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273093863494203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607258203409335,0.2020690845939305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157284623333777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661045439394155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765352537056208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22621125066460035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251237938335395,0.0,0.16418017596585446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924568679301761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kvizzleishere,2018/01/10,Thinking about suicide in the next few hours Sick and tired of being sick and tired. This isnt a poor me thread. It's for real. My life has just been horrible and getting kicked down over and over again finally gets to you. Flat broke with not a dollar in my pocket. Fridge is empty. Rent check bounced. I'm 32 and can't seem to find it. Whatever it is. Car is broke. Can't get to my job. Sister died last year and now raising my 7 year old neice with my 57 year old mom and nothing is going good. Account is negative. Just never pictured myself wanting to kill myself over a little bit of money. Wish I could get a loan. If I could. I would pay it back monthly. I'm not like that. I have always given. Never a taker in life and always helped friends and family and random people in need. Just wish this was all a dream. ,0.3468864468864439,2.685185390532542,2.0716483516483533,94.54358974358976,88.58579881656804,4.402479571710341,16.923358692589463,5.916634753146586,-0.4178996336996335,637,15,135,5,21,208,108,169,0.24,0.6920000000000001,0.068,-0.9857,2,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,0,7,0,16,6,0,0,3,33,30,11,3,8,6,2,0,1,1,1,6,0,1,0,7,12,0,0,3,1,8,2,8,3,0,0,3,0,13,3,18,23,3,26,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,3,16,85,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360379528706728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033178864726799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669106323684175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145579902020084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944897534405082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666674509958692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471895708223919,0.1228065759066783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380955862072212,0.0,0.28079929555264704,0.0,0.0763623529399174,0.11269843660428665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900615872887852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232181288723893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333587834240818,0.0,0.1486542385463604,0.0,0.0,0.10952487346790823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981101913147372,0.06564363131608418,0.13466837114532793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736589538324802,0.1072483372134406,0.0,0.0,0.09962945831307443,0.20726013028755647,0.0,0.14289800383216206,0.0,0.0,0.1289262115857585,0.0,0.2819855523499666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315131785793128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293603920437146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232025211293705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697278376865916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609524603467457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30886409452963154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925157116159083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090247282950639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544857464774206,0.0,0.0,0.259578696062405
suicidewatch,RelatedZizz,2018/01/10,I just want it to end. I am tired of this life i have done nothing but fail and disappoint everyone i know my father stopped talking to me over a year ago my mother treats me like a 10 year old i disappointed and failed them in everything i ever did. i'm useless i have no skills not even useless skills i cant do anything on my own. i am responsible for someones death and i can't stop thinking about how i messed up that badly. i was molested by my uncle when i was young and i can't get the memory out of my head. My mother told me that my father told her i was useless and that she should have listened to him. i sit in my room all day doing nothing but play video games. i am tired i am a waste of a soul and i don't want to live anymore but i can't do it because im too much of a coward im just tired of this life and i want it to end.,-0.4318253968253956,1.3833076560846571,2.205552910052912,96.08134523809528,86.19576719576719,5.261481481481481,19.50291005291005,6.508806274219699,-0.059986455026455936,653,19,161,7,20,226,100,189,0.307,0.616,0.077,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,4,8,13,1,0,6,0,21,6,1,1,2,25,31,12,1,4,6,4,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,8,8,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,10,0,0,7,1,36,3,19,23,3,20,1,7,0,0,13,7,0,0,13,112,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458311055583647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938113814732306,0.0,0.0,0.11565511906266852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734774261900956,0.08567386026073479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063876890615187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438245395452629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489592067583819,0.0,0.0,0.0928274906273182,0.12712941518942222,0.0,0.13429509749636512,0.12631121013486646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342804701861226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423792044746234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036216530412582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723889425818113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853970659016035,0.06866233246437982,0.0,0.12410226394960665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331545930408263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697100762341677,0.0,0.1474764981569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908183900000788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350008989476182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296334005453765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900544392245856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846013707587258,0.0,0.26859019499273024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24868814925332866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810104892368028
suicidewatch,meaninl3ss,2018/01/10,"i think about killing myself every day Everyone tells me that they'd be sad if i left but they don't do anything about it. It's like ""hey dont take your life, my selfish desire wont let you, oh i won't help you or anything tho"". The only reason i'm still alive is because my parents would be devastated if i took my life, but they don't do anything about my mental state either. It's all just ""hey take these meds and get some exercise and good sleep"" but everything is still fucking meaningless and i dont know for how long i can keep doing this.",2.013217391304348,3.7141771478260885,3.362826086956524,91.43554347826091,77.52173913043478,6.339130434782609,22.80434782608696,7.1686216300943375,0.6539739130434787,432,13,95,5,10,141,75,115,0.173,0.7140000000000001,0.113,-0.8189,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,3,3,0,8,6,2,0,1,0,17,5,1,2,1,20,26,11,1,4,8,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,18,2,4,18,3,7,0,1,0,1,11,1,1,4,5,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979130295277673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825403194133664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394797745923463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778042880699181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580137801024494,0.15401471065755393,0.14485848585986913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900861603241294,0.0842100689195071,0.0,0.0,0.135190411997146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803577633857513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326448133590874,0.17832215210552516,0.0,0.08858049305191615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512289800467987,0.16481780570523766,0.2276928647030234,0.07874456673938122,0.0,0.0,0.14263951825156276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903500893002774,0.0,0.16243186062983342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258490252553016,0.0,0.0,0.17897167986415352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657202217537616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129673052865742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25743763632918143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237509506852575,0.0,0.1408787110029687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327784602098546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907727502736498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449788053828056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1Miah,2018/01/10,Good way to get out I am looking for information on fatal prescription drug combinations. I have a few at hand. What would be best to take for a fatal reaction,3.0324731182795683,5.424332677419359,5.188387096774196,76.26924731182797,77.06451612903227,9.29462365591398,26.46236559139785,9.725611199111238,2.9098301075268824,127,5,24,4,3,44,26,31,0.17800000000000002,0.56,0.262,0.5106,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,7,5,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347142578320413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803812897693163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164207809900308,0.0,0.0,0.3474408098959388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478532175640387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114532979268956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32880059930334243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942607819438294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsactuallyallie,2018/01/10,"Fear of death and suicidal thoughts So basically I’ve just come out of A&E for a suicide attempt, I have 2 exams tomorrow that I’m probably going to miss, I have BPD and I’m suicidal- but there’s one problem. I’m terrified of death and dying, despite having suicidal thoughts constantly. 
I know I just need to face my fear and get over it, but I’m genuinely petrified of being dead. If anyone knows any fairly painless ways to die, or has anything that will help me get over my fear, please let me know. Suicidal thoughts and feelings are pretty much my whole life and I NEED to act on them. So yeah.. ways to get over the fear? ",2.6183333333333323,4.878221120000003,3.9541,85.26688333333334,77.8,7.686666666666667,28.016666666666666,8.59863814320734,2.2885066666666662,500,22,98,11,12,164,78,125,0.401,0.521,0.078,-0.996,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,4,2,1,8,2,1,0,0,24,27,12,10,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,6,0,1,3,1,11,0,15,21,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,57,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719002326289482,0.0,0.07355169835299903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562715336028378,0.0,0.08900548324351949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622223237786546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931692360432559,0.0,0.11688124731072515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245035332286388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868349156842318,0.05468834312550446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952553924512803,0.0,0.0614691430982794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724965691021635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832375681320478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110599709147555,0.07639576471538875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950916878053038,0.16039677129040175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732912074622251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872589168648455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003639151356308,0.11661348837978765,0.10349337207505126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5915409052505526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25759803625072664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170285479990635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207554465409428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kmswithameer,2018/01/10,"Socially disabled; too afraid to ask for help. My name is Austin, i'm 19, and I have Asperger's syndrome and avoidant personality disorder. I'm extremely socially inhibited and I have barely any friends as a result of this. Having a conversation with people is very hard for me and I feel absolutely hopeless. I feel as if people like me are not cut out to live in this world; how can you live a decent life if you can't connect with anyone? It seems like every route of getting help involves calling someone on the phone and that's a very intimidating concept. I hate calling people for menial life stuff and I really hate the idea of calling someone and saying ""Hello, yes, I am severely suicidally depressed and I need any form of human contact to proceed with trying to live."" The psychiatric services at my college involve a 20 minute phone call and that sounds hellish. I'm familiar with the Crisis Text Line but I feel like, with my situation, I need some long term care. Care that involves rigorous testing and someone who can truly see what kind of monster is inside my brain. I realize that this is a very lame issue and that fact makes me hate myself even more. There are people who can help me and I can't even call them on the phone without all the signals in my brain firing off and making me panic. Fuck.",5.232380952380954,6.6318635079365125,5.9779365079365085,77.13928571428572,68.68253968253968,8.457142857142857,31.46031746031746,8.841846274778883,2.6859984126984133,1052,44,187,18,18,344,141,252,0.172,0.7140000000000001,0.114,-0.9429,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,1,0,5,19,6,3,12,1,15,5,2,4,2,41,35,19,1,4,5,0,5,3,1,0,2,2,0,2,13,19,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,0,8,26,7,27,35,5,11,1,3,1,1,30,8,1,4,6,119,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629095294445947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492729250457603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680811722295365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731670767498092,0.4740833835534837,0.0,0.18934639766622186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799770056311414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642137847078292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266143691407565,0.0,0.07823544788544055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408528243996406,0.06633656798673404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174055646295915,0.08584416435896547,0.048513590619709585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318101688958221,0.2750291525769977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671888621473484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482347396065976,0.0,0.09691786510583568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669556003833273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117431878354122,0.13609471135710485,0.0,0.24598147462798256,0.0821749142761468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396461886446335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770355783126115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894687535244296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574995007079046,0.08107855017504019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059486131314828924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384306643811173,0.0,0.0,0.07399445867332728,0.08453289918448663,0.0,0.10490120228357347,0.0,0.0,0.10437438543581397,0.0,0.1893106332263602,0.236030555981866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629826178691736,0.10156973435362474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304334073299557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298485467854209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951017137217906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frustratedsoul1990,2018/01/10,"I'm such a failure at life that I couldn't even join a sports team today because of social anxiety. Starting to seriously consider I'm just not cut out for living. I've suffered social anxiety most of my adult life, but I'm pretty sure I reached the nadir today, the lowest of humanly possible lows. 2018 was supposed to be the year that at 28 years of age I finally stop being afraid of people. But I am starting to honestly lose hope of beating this horrific ailment.

So, I figured joining a sports club would be a great way to finally get out there and meet people this year. I've even been in therapy for two weeks. I planned it all, everything was going great. 

Except when the time came to actually take action, to go and do the thing and socialize with people, I arrived at the place, only to be met with the usual timidness, self-doubt, and general feeling of avoidance that has always stopped me from doing oh so many things in life. Things that normal people wouldn't even think about, yet I'm there paralyzed with fear.

This is how messed up and failed I am as a human being: I turned up to the event (it was outdoor soccer with a load of random people in a league which I found out about online). I walked up and down outside the pitch for ten minutes and couldn't bring myself to go inside and play football, such is my lack of self-esteem and my ingrained avoidance of social events. I turned around after ten minutes and left for home, crying my eyes out on the way to the train station. 

I've known for a long time that social anxiety is an ailment I suffer from. When I was a kid and a teenager I was quiet, but I knew when I entered college and couldn't talk to people that it was a problem. That was seven years ago, and I'm no better now.

I've read dozens of books (Quiet by Susan Cain, Feeling Good by David Burns), I've made loads of plans, but I always back out at the last minute. No amount of knowledge can ever help me. Nothing ever changes. I don't even know what advice i want here. But I need somewhere to write this  because I feel so ashamed that I wouldn't even be able to confide my madness to my parents. 

There is no way to tell them they raised a 28-year-old who can't even work up the courage to play sports with a new group of people.

If anyone has any words of remote encouragement or advice I would be grateful. I'm totally lost. Any new year new me optimism is down the drain..I'm honestly on the verge of packing it al in it's too much of a drag to go on like this. 

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suicidewatch,ichbin1helfityp,2018/01/10,"20 m from Germany. Severe depressed for 3 years. Don't Know wehre to begin.. I just Feel so terrible and Thinking about suicide Every day. 
4 years Ago i developed Social anxiety First at school and now it is affecting my whole live.
First early 2015 i was in ""verhaltens""-therapy and about 7 months i was in mental Hospital this Year. I worked so hard on my illness but it is getting Worse and worse. I also suffer of erythrophobia and on Top of this i got Flushing by rosacea. Also i Feel so lonely and i Think a Girlfriend could bring my life in a right direction again.. but for no i only Think of suicide...",2.2677835723598463,4.857618372881358,3.6500000000000017,85.06090612777055,81.37288135593221,6.342633637548892,24.33116036505867,7.61054688173877,1.4389327249022164,480,18,90,8,13,157,80,118,0.274,0.708,0.018000000000000002,-0.9832,0,2,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,17,16,13,2,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,3,3,13,0,16,12,1,21,0,3,0,0,2,8,0,0,12,61,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412243292655916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25481045072118597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218765696013612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720113961410304,0.0,0.0,0.102745864083184,0.0,0.13721893646393588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423089384131298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111026421102884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710288072195483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323621591418062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274198367453028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271615424337386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755609798279007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252984762816713,0.0,0.0,0.14067925345923654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055340645369046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716478843247073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116726117617738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605529008758827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123664894144424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998212483133094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240295287149684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485324516701331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219212767229045,0.0,0.0,0.3062504472750607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787101222361826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159841982685494,0.0,0.3247139373097744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077835127705417
suicidewatch,throw1020683away,2018/01/10,"The feeling of loneliness A feeling I wouldn't wish upon my greatest enemy (not that I have one). I feel like no one really needs me, the ""friends"" I have wouldn't really give a single damn if I just offed myself. Family wouldn't speak to me at all if I wouldn't have been calling them every few weeks to see how things are going. Just sitting here on my bed, considering the good 'ol rope, always kept it in the closet for such an occasion. Don't even know why I'm writing here, maybe to find someone who can prove me wrong?",5.578348909657322,5.125318252336452,6.3631308411214995,81.20519470404987,67.41121495327103,9.750155763239873,28.113707165109034,9.2995712137729,2.0777613707165106,411,11,86,7,6,136,77,107,0.151,0.736,0.113,-0.6395,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,7,0,11,0,0,1,2,21,22,3,0,8,5,0,3,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,2,5,13,3,10,16,4,7,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,2,2,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025757572275408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212084353122888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430852961431552,0.0,0.1825242311065096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422408633118727,0.0,0.3286113158113461,0.15476400267757154,0.0,0.0,0.1980003570809744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673715721130497,0.0,0.0,0.20781591838391514,0.1231185955476576,0.18170306048654225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905686541793985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583686048337812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217638856241774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063201971173954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935948046099812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756370477072706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262995279668947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355403214544389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392258924578286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737714347788911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954792852144068,0.0,0.2491194225452969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23685623508069725,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ollion666,2018/01/10,"I am done. I can’t take this shit anymore, I can’t keep up with school nothing. School is physically killing me and I just want to sleep all day.
I am just done,
Done done.
I literally hate my life and I want to
Die.
Just end me.",-1.9142000000000008,-0.07288731999999598,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,102.2,4.1000000000000005,16.25,5.985473137389443,-0.7673999999999999,174,5,46,2,8,58,31,50,0.302,0.65,0.048,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,9,3,2,0,1,10,14,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,10,0,4,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,30,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386947576777015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306634056389625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819535864758736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7176493928997542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552807192637748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309135286884722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583170575674118,0.19396465109633568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383309234937925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822344180657248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548646560767679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799625763013105,0.0,0.0,0.17544575191901438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318181734414789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681554053906584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wakang_gg,2018/01/10,"I've been missing a lot of classes I've been missing a lot of classes and which I think might be the cause of me repeating grade 12th for the third time.... I'm living with my mom and my sister and they really are depending on me to finish up highschool which I think is I'm not getting. Oh how I really wanted to finish my life but whenever I try to, I just give up.",3.5213924050632883,3.613132531645572,5.508708860759494,83.7093924050633,71.78481012658227,8.851645569620256,27.19240506329114,8.841846274778883,1.8613169620253165,286,9,63,5,5,100,49,79,0.046,0.954,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,3,0,16,15,5,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,11,0,11,11,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,4,4,44,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117571722134216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300225449314696,0.262567713108432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933295709308749,0.0,0.0,0.24169107382086474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653971569022007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903632112113433,0.0,0.3205660153220428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506914569889589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35076481968715745,0.0,0.0,0.15960258744974384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583122255921733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614413358968944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,globsterino,2018/01/10,"When to call suicide hotline? Does it have to be urgent? This might seem like a stupid question, but does it have to be very urgent to call a suicide hotline? I made a half-assed suicide attempt (if you can even call it that) a few hours ago, I have since started to feel slightly better (though I haven't told anyone) but the thoughts of suicide are left and this probably wasn't the last time. On the other hand I'm afraid of making someone with more urgent suicidal thoughts wait (and other reasons)? When do I know I'm supposed to call?",6.287767295597483,6.099318594339625,5.88301886792453,84.3505031446541,65.88679245283019,7.821383647798742,33.704402515723274,6.42735559955562,1.9635836477987425,425,17,83,2,6,131,66,106,0.246,0.635,0.12,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,1,0,2,4,4,1,1,7,0,11,1,1,3,0,17,23,8,5,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,5,2,10,15,2,9,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,4,8,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060595820053507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836597557665765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581778468471628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886906390348107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094072699190639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902551807073781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060496967370467586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178279002008782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575469823340672,0.0975280309338557,0.0,0.0,0.1299964914996406,0.0,0.0,0.05845333487174989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321260210310664,0.07986510246955716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692624291278232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899938082377846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403168835975654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301673649756367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892186362947998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897298805717886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013762620986158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468655129517766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6543703611775755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175522769598145,0.18997223299784616,0.06976695394586332,0.0,0.0,0.11432755083963535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872105933477104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joncorwin,2018/01/10,"Doing ""better"" but I wish I could say that suicidal ideation ends I've posted a lot here in the past about being an obese, unemployed failure who wanted to die.

Now I'm just a normal weight, woefully underemployed and broke guy who frequently wants to die.

Maybe in my 30s I'll have a better job, move out of my parents house, and only occasionally want to die. Small goals?",5.133333333333333,6.317244555555559,5.9232222222222255,78.24400000000001,68.72222222222221,9.093333333333334,26.9,9.3871,2.2230966666666667,296,9,56,6,5,97,57,72,0.353,0.56,0.087,-0.9843,5,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,12,9,3,4,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,8,7,1,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,31,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30900262990790833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394777418233778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5439096860180237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472569845096465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297303445008014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157168373360115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335534507688202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851731157247242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755020907694158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567047503864967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116155366395627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286151384372427,0.0,0.0,0.1939753414328783,0.0,0.16676375265613286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730712005276727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892248309319932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108523500101549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30911447775492673,0.0,0.0,0.21272839559868006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008877470822568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CityBuildingWitch,2018/01/10,"I am a garbage byproduct of my generation that doesn't belong anywhere, will never have a stable or secure life, and should just be forgotten. I am a surplus.

I am a too much.


I am someone no one is hiring because there are too many of me.

Whiny Millennial with a college degree in sociology.

I am told that I have to be an adult and grow up, take care of myself. That I am entitled for thinking that I should be able to afford things without working myself to an early grave. This wasn’t supposed to be how my life was supposed to go. My parents and their parents had careers, bought houses, started families. Why can’t I. Why can’t I work enough to be like them? Why am I so spoiled and lazy? Why can’t I find a job with a living wage? Why do they make so much luxury shit that they say we should have. Luxury shit like, apartments, health insurance, a 5 day work week with regular hours, cable tv, food in the fridge, time to go shopping and cook. Who can afford that? Not most people. Not surpluses like me.

What I am is a surplus: surplus labor. I am what is left over.

I am expendable. I can be fired at a moment’s notice. I cling to a job that I tolerate because the alternative is even worse. I have no clout. If I complain, even about things I have a right to, even about being put in a position where I have to break the rules and thrown under the bus when something goes wrong, then I am expended. I have no rights. 
What am I even for? Why do I have to keep living? I am never ever going to retire. There is no possibility for savings and the political class seems committed to making this situation even worse and to dismantling what little remaining safety net there is, what little retirement there is. I am going to work like this until I am dead. Why wait?
I went to college. I got good grades. I was good in school. I didn’t go to juvie. I have ultimately the same fate as those who did. The only subversive thing I did was transition to female and maybe smoke weed once in a while. But even people who didn’t do those things seem to wind up in the situation. I am aging, but my 20s never ended. I don’t feel like I have any security or stability. Once my mother is gone, I am completely doomed. Why wait? Why live in suspense?

I can’t even get sick or go mad. I have so little breathing room.

I also can’t help but feel this is all my fault. I did have a career for a short time but I burned out. I also couldn’t continue living as a man and couldn’t transition while in that career in that part of the country and it was just going to bubble up in my mind over and over again as my hairline got further and further back. Getting a new teacher certificate will cost far too much in time and money that I simply do not have and honestly, thought of facing my own classroom again is not something I think I can do anymore.

The thought of becoming homeless is one of the most nightmarish things I can think of happening to me short of prison and I fear that homelessness can lead to prison. Homelessness, destitution, and prison keeps me complacent, keeps me going to these jobs. What society really wants though, is for me to die. That is what is most convenient for society, for all the surpluses to just disappear, so they can continue selling vacant luxury condos and walking past bums, the surplusest of surplus labor to sell big screen tvs that my generation can’t afford, and throwing away they old ones that can’t be fixed because society needs people to buy the new one but also needs to pay the overwhelming majority people too little to actually do so. Why argue with society? It just puts me on the streets or in prison to experience misery forever. I am a garbage person, disposable, expendable.

Surplus.

Too much.
	
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suicidewatch,999lonely,2018/01/10,"Why me! Why do I have to feel like this, I know everyone has problems I'm not the only one but when someone loses someone or gets injured people sympathize but everyone just sees me and sees a slow insane thing not a human being. 

It feels like there is ten different tv channels going on in my head and I just can't stop any of them. I can't focus on study I can't meditate because my mind takes me away and I can't sleep because my mind won't shut off. 

And these ""channels"" aren't good things, they're all saying horrible Nasty things about me and making me think things I don't want to think. It psychically hurts and I swear I feel something pushing them around in there making them spin around making me panic.

Even typing this now is difficult because I keep stopping to focus on my thoughts, it hurts bad. I want to kill myself though I know I will hurt some of my family. There is a local train station where multiple people have jumped in the last while but I would rather overdose in my bed fall asleep at night and never wake up.

I tried once when I was 13 in my school bathroom, I took 8 pills and cut myself, I passed out and when I woke a bit the staff found me and saw my arms commented but never brought it up with me again, my teacher found me crying and told me she had to focus on teaching and I  can't be disrupting her. My friend told me I was an attention seeker who just wanted to be pitied after that so I know only my family will miss me but they are still too much even though everyday it gets harder and harder to get out of bed and face reality ",3.7225155279503115,4.746983736024845,4.6016770186335405,87.00636645962734,71.88819875776397,7.587577639751553,24.248447204968944,7.893859768569023,1.116141614906832,1241,33,260,16,23,402,172,322,0.21600000000000005,0.7509999999999999,0.034,-0.9963,1,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,4,1,24,16,2,1,8,0,25,8,6,3,3,60,58,27,1,6,12,0,3,2,1,4,2,1,2,1,14,19,0,3,12,3,0,7,12,12,0,2,12,7,53,4,31,39,4,44,0,6,3,0,13,21,0,2,18,181,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445659184579261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687562908350065,0.0,0.0,0.08905299421041936,0.0,0.07914095290982938,0.17333893577769802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347993486251966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411613117640306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902944665908757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252083065342944,0.0,0.0,0.18114097041452706,0.0,0.0,0.1787084535748415,0.0,0.14377740924399346,0.13542788259906546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078522418661254,0.073230135000353,0.0,0.14856269447536924,0.0,0.05386811666511115,0.0795005954799736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727606356268463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304405743476262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424866385919999,0.10486481304575772,0.0,0.15627295992749102,0.07726187623295099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926136677019002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060394156930492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980782047736944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141029819404926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967738549678124,0.0,0.14620703067047622,0.0,0.0,0.08894866890907667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009422135649792,0.0642283122084472,0.14417550185200864,0.0,0.11120898391755997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142303411808207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069579890012602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753763002506812,0.0,0.09592679801629173,0.15106167180968338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948527779194268,0.0,0.16062090334899784,0.07296960475394673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569488503207931,0.1584878810814741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126601695640146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518819774949652,0.12146793751513532,0.186250237729714,0.07524816718350127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114097041452706,0.10530887354575907,0.06435233542040039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677187534249341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710562225746985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673320655623148,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeaway0421,2018/01/10,"I feel like dying again I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 10. It's getting harder to fight the older I get. I'm taking a trip to New York City soon, and I keep having this reoccurring thought that I should just jump off a bridge while I'm there.

I'm not happy. I've been working hard for years to get to a point where I can be at least content, but I'm not. I don't like my life. I've made so many mistakes. My life has been a downward spiral for as long as I can remember. Every time I think things can't get worse, they do. When I was younger, I was willing to do anything to get out of the situation I was in, and because of that...I've ended up in a place that I just can't leave. I don't want to be here. I don't want this life. I hate it. 

I have no friends. No extended family. No job or education. No skills. No hobbies. Each day is filled with things to pass the time and to hopefully distract me from how much I hate my life. I don't know how to be better. I don't know how to not be depression or anxious. It's been my entire life of just....this. Even medication doesn't help. What's the point in trying anymore? What if it never gets better for me?",-0.09404949381327302,1.910617913385828,2.11714848143982,96.04088582677166,86.40157480314959,5.203374578177729,19.30764904386952,6.5431188927421005,-0.06246974128234006,906,26,217,10,28,305,133,254,0.177,0.7020000000000001,0.121,-0.9235,1,0,0,0,1,2,37.0,0,0,1,4,13,14,3,2,9,0,29,6,0,4,1,34,53,15,2,6,9,0,2,2,1,2,6,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,7,0,0,4,17,7,0,0,10,2,27,7,29,37,3,29,0,1,0,0,4,12,0,4,15,139,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140055196033631,0.11535121467339893,0.0,0.0,0.09571566601052048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090330856955056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573874452922086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501224504835863,0.0,0.10018019293676407,0.0,0.12071450219477778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301877027776578,0.0,0.0,0.0768236214833231,0.0,0.09799869602276992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964951905601628,0.0,0.05881133380229873,0.08309401092513669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986311416805033,0.0,0.3646123655156154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238173222519484,0.10419357732780436,0.2296699603506201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796213381714924,0.0,0.0,0.1155250263135615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154226780017278,0.10338431437888908,0.0,0.0,0.12784513587906202,0.0,0.0,0.12315864380380087,0.0,0.0,0.4107764619461725,0.11364928651541628,0.0,0.0,0.1029333206686216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005814708264056,0.0,0.11792309825757825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171730832327355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855034180641388,0.0,0.08970773500041551,0.11233579380921027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152230049939874,0.0,0.2199067097212491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175992419085392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962152929484386,0.13074065461816406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159557330211725,0.0,0.12722751375577826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745288012953198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454634147810345,0.07452865638324709,0.0,0.18467901605028905,0.1356460594711644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896887346768147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372088097072358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467722939401287,0.0,0.11853285605918933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490174093722031
suicidewatch,Amelie320,2018/01/10,"Please help me... Hi guys,

I’m sorry to post, but I’m lost and scared and don’t know what to do. Long story short, I took a non-fatal overdose this morning (six Tylenols - the only reason I didn’t take more is because I’ve previously overdosed and wound up sick. My body wouldn’t let me swallow this time).

I really want to die, but I’m now terrified to go through with it, and yet I feel so out of control and like I’m going to attempt again. I’ve tried calling my therapist, but I can’t get ahold of her and talking to my parents (I’m a minor) is something I really don’t want to do (because they have enough on their plate and I don’t want to come across as attention-seeking).

And while I’m considering calling a hotline, I’m absolutely terrified to do it. I have severe social (and phone-related) anxiety, and the last few times I called didn’t go well. But, I’m sick because of the Tylenol and I can’t get rid of the suicidal thoughts. 

I know I need help; I just don’t know how to get it.

Please, if anyone has any suggestions or advice, I’d greatly appreciate it. Sorry about the rush-ed-ness of this post - I’m a mess right now. I can’t live with myself...",1.7910811865729919,3.3889202704918016,3.739789227166277,88.9449453551913,77.85245901639345,6.942701014832162,25.143637782982047,7.793537801064563,1.2517621389539424,902,33,200,14,21,306,130,244,0.2,0.6990000000000001,0.101,-0.9846,1,0,1,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,2,3,9,6,0,1,9,0,19,7,1,3,0,35,47,21,2,6,7,1,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,15,1,1,6,0,0,5,10,3,1,1,5,1,23,3,24,40,3,22,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,2,10,113,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149919137405357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002391603183323,0.0,0.09002204373800861,0.0,0.0,0.08228200171781835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152031319761329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307118357515034,0.0,0.0,0.3604819632100408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136770854824938,0.0,0.0,0.1319839712914274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212941573228768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159106980379213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950067063294411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844430220046744,0.0,0.20063445124968549,0.0,0.0,0.12973853089785872,0.0,0.11651803329420278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775188033278026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401544303183435,0.09592188663836623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033198466053152,0.0,0.05749069377813167,0.0,0.10391032459610963,0.10413981819979544,0.0,0.0,0.12845757714085804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725548182394148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949812520071722,0.0,0.0,0.13066559977505207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583464692147757,0.0,0.0,0.22540272414879275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077289596476404,0.1209908304305244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049491313312717,0.0,0.0,0.1178145002963649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294071835645796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199561636366926,0.0,0.09059296119279768,0.0,0.26345795636469355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871876731921764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847792899888691,0.09458374858732724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663124863322354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934218338234232,0.1372359881240278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074269384571646,0.07989447996963299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082255833996093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580512174464496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicidalSheep1,2018/01/10,"suicidal here, looking for friend suicidal here, looking for friend",9.945999999999998,14.167633600000002,7.190000000000001,61.32500000000002,63.0,12.0,50.0,11.20814326018867,7.8930000000000025,56,4,6,2,1,16,5,10,0.421,0.28,0.299,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887738957953821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312558755553227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6920023652249697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pecknarm123,2018/01/10,"I want to die I’m 24 turning 25 this year. I graduated university at 23 couldn’t get a graduate job. Been applying for a year and a bit and still no luck, even though I have no real desire of getting a job or doing anything. Most people my age already have their life set out and planned, with goals and ambitions. Unfortunately for me I don’t have any, nothing that drives me. People say do what you enjoy doing, and the things I enjoy doing are literally: sleeping, getting high, and playing games. 

I do make money on the side by working in property, doing surveys and floor plans, but recently that’s been drying up and I’ve been ignoring calls for business. I’ve even lost the drive to make money for myself. 

I had a car crash on the motorway a few months ago pretty bad one, hit the barriers at 90-95 mph an hour and some how survived. I sit here now wishing I died in that crash. I took a baseball bat to head when I was 17 also survived that, didn’t even get knocked out. Hell I even survived getting Typhoid as a kid. I used to think that surviving this shit was meant to mean something, but that all bullshit and was down to luck.

Anyways long story short, I’ve been wanting to kill my self since like 16. I have no dreams of having a family, job or whatever these successful people have. I rather have not existed in the first place. I’ve never done anything of merit or good that stands out. And I don’t plan on doing anything like that in the future. I don’t want to carry on being alive and subjecting my self to a job that I hate, so I can buy food to survive to carry on a life that I despise. Cause the older I get the worse my body is gna get, the more lonely I’m gonna get and the more depressed I’m going to become. 

So a person like me who doesn’t contribute to society or family, why are there people trying to convince you out of killing your self. It doesn’t make sense, when the outcome of the suicide will be beneficial for all parties. 

Anywho, if there are painless ways to kill yourself, let me know as I’m to Pussy to electrocute or cut myself to death.",3.829470774091625,4.848907571090049,5.051450236966827,83.90046129541865,71.6303317535545,7.806761453396525,27.573775671406,8.131152278815165,1.7185817377567143,1633,57,331,23,30,542,224,422,0.208,0.632,0.16,-0.9884,4,2,1,0,0,3,44.0,0,3,1,13,18,25,8,0,26,0,39,7,4,6,3,54,70,30,7,8,10,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,5,17,18,1,2,4,3,3,5,12,13,0,2,13,1,35,12,49,50,8,47,1,3,0,0,13,22,2,10,19,219,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435549560881873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256483182540362,0.06707965068132378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057041994912143575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708088743090344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003717857166465,0.0,0.09264003684750433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157638883635906,0.09317294428490863,0.0,0.0,0.08565193728321145,0.0,0.0,0.08616895125909274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722466311629837,0.0,0.17411058734123858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583944381293321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161058721113672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815118993509986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134918391850534,0.10142930663308096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505951202083406,0.0,0.047671537522327126,0.07035545059115705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828151774729668,0.08608616378742354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862494171878528,0.0,0.0,0.08260594422803524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329560225821628,0.0,0.27840588344461714,0.0,0.046098835044499915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577406351925733,0.11849534191012565,0.12294014182022528,0.0,0.0,0.07423209553430554,0.0,0.0,0.09156608205452317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797376994207147,0.0,0.0,0.09137106124404598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669530591298102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469424197588343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048613612073725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056839974831045324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23261025222795575,0.07324170320581178,0.08763785100513026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533719037653432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547500634486304,0.0,0.0,0.0828224239356867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667055829709715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625187075302055,0.0,0.08610269922714145,0.06938727684695155,0.0,0.08394163452555865,0.0,0.0,0.06457573545113604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698752017800029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917522615064156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572684680995247,0.0537475941196478,0.08241271225122464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319494029985496,0.056949731354352474,0.0912385025612723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724463009871962,0.0,0.0,0.14842566145018166,0.06658087841079355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568960674449128,0.0,0.09645907546769876,0.0,0.0,0.061066408244933215,0.0,0.08548196286474331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803330064202422
suicidewatch,WongDD,2018/01/10,"Im done with this life Found a good sub to share my burden,
Until recently im living a good life, im 30yo, moved to bali island since august,
Work as chinese mandarin tourguide, with unstable income,but i felt so good, for the first time in my life i feel i can manage my own life,no need to live under anybody.
Nigthmare begin since nov, bali's mount agung eruption,
No more chinese tourist comes to.bali, since then until now i hav no job, no income,
More and more desperate when im running out money to living, i wake up on my dream life.
In my lowest point of my life, for the first time i dont.have anything to eat, my rent is coming, my phone bill, 
I realize in this world im all alone, some of fellow tourguide is back to their home, 
Im shivering, i dont have home to go back, 
Im.all alone, to survive, i sold my watch, tv to pay rent
Now more desperate really run out anything, maybe will sold my phone, me n my dog already 3 days not eat well,
I cant see the future ,maybe will kill my dog then i hang myself,
I felt so tired,,,,with everything, with my life, so many unhappy, abused childhood, not well educated, arggghhhhh!!!

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suicidewatch,noaccount9128864,2018/01/10,"I can't stop thinking about harming myself I'm very distraught, depressed, and I keep thinking about ways to harm myself. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live. I'm in this strange spot in the middle, and I do not feel like myself. I've always had problems with keeping focus, but now my mind just wants to think about death.

My job makes me miserable. I hate the people I work with.

I'm antisocial and have no friends. I'm married, but my spouse seems very distant. I fear we are failing.

I have had two major mental breakdowns in my life, but this feels different. More permanent. Nothing seems to matter to me. I can't stop crying. I want to get away from life.",1.426593673965936,3.7924188613138727,2.614335766423359,92.58656447688568,83.01459854014598,4.821216545012166,22.272019464720195,6.079149491110277,0.3194655961070558,532,18,109,4,15,170,79,137,0.313,0.601,0.086,-0.9872,2,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,0,2,5,12,2,3,2,0,10,2,0,1,0,31,30,7,2,5,6,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,4,7,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,2,2,22,2,17,28,2,9,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,66,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741150824699812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386512179544858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819962119602258,0.0,0.0,0.13188555315365855,0.0,0.0,0.1599820818071786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230717072841234,0.15484828014089794,0.10939187950591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830329102724635,0.0,0.08000101634036667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511783361344701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195203052107634,0.2722074511850495,0.16940911683708154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631214441948815,0.07480869510335991,0.0,0.13521137561499338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221151818202223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431306615916168,0.0,0.15461167873549228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692669281059534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615696292844637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651907294966066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787968386825277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560371890586145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943471993243593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957998478164766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526868191270573,0.3612662191061336,0.12154277420706995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147616021460373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4lmu,2018/01/10,"i self harmed after 6 months clean. now i wonder if i should keep on trying. on living I can't feel worse. I live in a semi constant state of home abuse. My brother hates his life, and has to pay it on me. He comes from school later than I do, and the hours I'm home alone (because mom is working) I just let myself be myself. I put my music all the volume up, let the dog inside the house, and dance, sing, shout, feel alive. I normally stop all this before he comes, let the dog outside, turn the music down, put everything in it's original place and let a sandwich made for him. He hates my happiness, if he hears me sing, he hits me. If he hears me laugh, he hits me. I had horribly big bruises (I can PM you pictures if you don't believe me).

But today, I didn't realize the hour. I let myself be so free I didn't even realize it was time to clean up and make the fucking sandwich. So he comes home, hears me sing, goes super fast to my room and punches my throat so hard I couldn't even breath. Then leaves the room and yells ""kill yourself, bitch"".

My brain said "" come on, do it"". I grabbed a cutter and got into the bathroom. I couldn't even make deep cuts. I made maybe 50/70 cuts in my arm. Not even deep. Not even bloody. Yet, super painful. I started to get dizzy and thought I would vanish there. I just wanted to disappear from the world. After a while, he shouts ""what the fuck are you doing fatty?! Get outta there!"". I went outside and laid down in my bed. I then wrote this. And here I am, not knowing what to do. I won't tell any one because I don't want them to worry. I just quit therapy and medication because I was fine. I'm not. I don't know what I'm living for anymore.",0.3439000582750609,2.46937744886364,2.0095454545454565,96.73079254079256,85.5909090909091,4.746620046620047,18.400641025641026,6.02186152331457,-0.34074236596736585,1290,33,295,10,39,420,180,352,0.133,0.7659999999999999,0.101,-0.8258,0,1,0,0,1,0,67.0,0,3,1,4,16,16,8,0,16,0,30,11,4,5,2,54,67,23,1,11,12,2,4,0,0,3,3,7,8,1,9,17,2,2,8,4,2,9,13,10,0,1,12,11,53,7,28,41,2,48,0,0,0,2,24,20,3,5,18,179,62,3,0.0,0.09822119441753767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585786922943951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563738385405023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221305959403477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160251106190462,0.0,0.07054053754479699,0.09339824787896958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254216816589966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28563894986826205,0.0,0.0895838534235379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27376846395248755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450384739459005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383196838252398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327669792292814,0.08662211380472502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630152198960494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824701952116254,0.07426079392765916,0.16369025840539742,0.0,0.0,0.28029798184624144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494619339406973,0.0,0.1632766935858204,0.09565376569397396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368401644651351,0.09171493356900758,0.0,0.0911177208197759,0.0,0.0,0.08777756654952124,0.0,0.4238467829925069,0.058553678591813575,0.0,0.0,0.21960274447736536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688117425608314,0.11067081601123907,0.0,0.08328270895155426,0.0,0.0,0.08351154083556589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970897485482788,0.0661688103824205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122295178933132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056174184803789336,0.0,0.08820987354821734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661131277419681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667182524022986,0.0,0.08817278368703511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788554792081538,0.0,0.0,0.0838977312982271,0.0,0.0,0.0864812392750461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058676001452496074,0.0,0.0,0.06930687741052625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245696324525434,0.0,0.0948016860462865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581216762779123,0.048338795575641885,0.0,0.07857810699759883,0.0,0.0,0.056282655703750205,0.0901697884162075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779139371203267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684776160343185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989991228069599,0.0603511122630002,0.08418747437884519,0.0844806774392169,0.05888873246183302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HotInPittsburgh,2018/01/10,"Self-harm as Revenge About 3 or 4 years ago I was hurt very badly. I sustained a concussion and my genitals were left permanently disfigured. I was repeatedly intimidated and threatened to keep quiet. The people who did this to me were powerful and were not held responsible. I repressed this memory and ever since have been a slave to impulse, anger, fear and vice. I have only remembered what happened a few months ago and ever since I have had severe issues with horribly violent intrusive thoughts about hurting myself and others.  I know if I tried to tell people what happened to me nobody would believe me AND my life would be in danger. I have done research on psychology and tried mindfulness meditation and all that shit, but it doesn't seem to help. I feel better when I embrace the thoughts than when I try to resist them.

Specifically I think about killing myself outside of their place of work  after posting my account of what happened to me online. It just so seems like the right thing to do even though I know it's not. I feel like people would believe me, maybe something would get done about it, I wouldn't have to face the consequences for coming forward. I feel like it's either that or I just keep chain-smoking and pouring liquor down my throat until I slowly and painfully die and nobody cares and the people who hurt me get away with it.",7.865495798319326,7.777451776470593,7.478277310924372,73.88867647058825,62.607843137254896,10.109243697478991,34.292717086834735,9.606745405546679,3.1723893557422973,1093,41,191,18,14,345,146,255,0.191,0.7170000000000001,0.091,-0.9739,1,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,2,3,13,17,5,2,8,0,23,6,3,0,3,50,43,24,2,6,9,0,3,3,0,5,2,1,0,0,17,17,1,4,11,1,1,2,4,12,0,0,13,4,33,5,28,24,3,21,0,3,0,0,6,8,1,5,15,141,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601487563833262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327863843180152,0.0,0.08289626190649159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371346669841227,0.0,0.08780679623395338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122454121176487,0.0,0.0,0.08552258895414394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303896547006024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031997622218137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557477633078912,0.17961237365727184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171976971899213,0.1505997759024532,0.1418540567506787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037414181319074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26338404007557825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654658279082044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188500682547937,0.0,0.0,0.10362453737150824,0.0,0.17649267661716034,0.10984074221245248,0.0,0.10912550109433088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787010401179237,0.0,0.07012576104582778,0.14551240359750528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974203991348284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024644401724687,0.0,0.07924588680262779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755083791803799,0.10564297005909737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753183492549332,0.0,0.1037284824717732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508464185784543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246706926010484,0.08478622305816408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180765074862082,0.10357270228273632,0.11216031785759767,0.10191147118648618,0.16425407167416178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643207776115951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677678009035325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595850065053467,0.06361584989359792,0.0975439890430679,0.15763752003173692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022177338721941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191798729141482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227842518500248,0.0,0.0,0.2821081291714129,0.0,0.0,0.06393430580216998
suicidewatch,Howlz_,2018/01/10,"I just can't anymore. I'm doing it today. I decided to give my gun to my cousin and have it out of my house I'm at my his house right now typing this as he takes me gun from me. I've decided that I want to live and beat this depression and having the gun in my house doesn't help me with my suicidal thoughts. I've had a few close calls a couple times the past few months. I told some friends and family about my condition and I want to get help, I just don't know where to go, but I figured this would be a good first step. 


I told myself right after high school that if my life was going to be the same at age 30, a deadbeat, good for nothing, lazy bitch, that I would end it all. I'm 25 now and things haven't changed much, if anything, worse. I have a job, I have a car, and a house over my head, so I know I shouldn't have anything to be depressed about, but it's still there. I want to know why and beat this thing. 

Sorry, this started off as a lighthearted, funny post, but I ended up ranting a little bit. Thanks for your time, and feel free to message me if you want to just talk, I'm taking the day off work today.",2.405200096432015,2.934145397540984,3.6453519768563183,94.4913548698168,74.53278688524591,6.8887174541947935,22.139826422372227,6.794906146795322,0.23534455159112835,863,19,213,7,17,282,130,244,0.097,0.752,0.151,0.9361,1,0,0,3,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,4,11,8,1,0,13,0,18,2,1,0,1,39,41,18,1,10,9,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,14,12,0,0,8,0,1,4,5,3,0,1,5,1,32,6,28,30,7,35,0,2,0,0,14,14,1,4,16,136,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454246605804993,0.0,0.0,0.17349365229417113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508490011010125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763958670710733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151414515904713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663870163087114,0.0,0.06798337671700815,0.0,0.18158602749756292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867312160621573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937503611601382,0.0,0.05330053857918594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966518344451563,0.0,0.0,0.08144267565264339,0.0,0.055074518799225335,0.10112281448229156,0.11981852972288673,0.1768326990476335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818528319609758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131370443682062,0.11137578904968164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865348937390723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460723306199844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379850506341185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445709948012671,0.0,0.1056526259969031,0.09308258555734923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414053250984535,0.0,0.07749149591641744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114767631048392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062969060836822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095757296972732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004613855556964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668470155353148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800245961794975,0.07461264573487228,0.0,0.08418384002981899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530592093132758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851657528715493,0.0847278641890059,0.0,0.09705114460026906,0.0,0.0,0.14006489402054212,0.0,0.0,0.08368702411039168,0.12293562411391447,0.0,0.199840490653588,0.2014553885610655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24870388009866404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511983320425664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674272355846061,0.0,0.10742597827354447,0.1497663107295293,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aphk312,2018/01/10,"I feel alone, I called the hotling and they told me to get a better care provider. I am a mess I told the suicide hotline guy that my midwife is prescribing for me and he said well maybe that's your problem. he told me I need to get a better care provider. ",0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,85.2962962962963,4.340740740740742,23.814814814814817,5.46131890053228,0.06350370370370406,200,8,47,1,6,62,35,54,0.189,0.581,0.231,0.3818,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,1,2,1,7,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,12,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,2,11,5,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577744017097435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35144096144620196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287930396562004,0.0,0.4051446085178692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046095956650412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076091219233661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672910081548592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960549699594501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732219550173306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190114435238469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899465827117767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732882573505768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5695552667245679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864141604536202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,microsoftneverdies,2018/01/10,A lot of days i don't care if i die. I got a medical issue I can't figure out the cause of and it makes me smell. It makes my life a living hell especially at work people sniffing all day and rude comments. A lot of times I just say please kill me to myself. ,0.5301724137931032,1.822539948275864,3.1753793103448267,92.95755172413791,80.55172413793103,6.019310344827588,18.49655172413793,6.742157984588678,-0.13634206896551726,199,4,49,2,5,70,43,58,0.243,0.6679999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8881,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,5,0,2,2,0,3,1,12,6,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,9,1,6,5,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,3,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406920660660085,0.24251190873892625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044949953721239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450064103764042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880907249301035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24639878527978715,0.0,0.0,0.2611796987652464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674527845239331,0.0,0.0,0.20845670535382108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40140149354780574,0.0,0.0,0.3151610022829154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781862157097225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636632320452317,0.0,0.0,0.2591371647698653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773465399610612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765601277595282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186389072765396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LastStar21,2018/01/10,"I'm not sure if I want to live anymore. How? I'm 18.I think I have depression. I'm not sure. I don't want to go to the doctor.
My parents are waiting for me to find a college, get a driving license and find a job. I just don't have the motivation to do any of this. I don't know what to study. I hate driving. I don't know which job I prefer. I just want to stay in my bed whole day listening to music. But when I see all my friends out there working their ass off to reach their goals, I feel like a failure. 

I feel lonely all the time even though I'm surrounded with many friends. During all those high school years, my friends would ask me to go to the cafeteria with them. Sometimes I would tell them I'll be at the library, but really, I was hiding in the toilet crying. I don't know why. I'm just sad all the time. I cry every night when my family went to bed. And this new year, I felt like I'm finally giving up.

 I don't think I want to continue this life anymore.I feel like I don't deserved to live. No one understand. My best friend stop listening to what I say. She's getting busy with her own life. I don't think anyone will care. My parents have my brother and sister. I'm pretty sure they won't be a disappointment like me. Everyday I pray to God to take me away. I pray to never wake up. I pray to be dead. 

I kept too many secrets. Secrets that been kept for years. I never told my best friend or my family. What can they do? 

I feel like I'm shutting down. Like there's a black hole inside of me, eating me up. That black hole is sadness or maybe emptiness. I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. 
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suicidewatch,rosco925,2018/01/10,"Psychotic and wanna die I've been hearing voices since I was thirteen. The voices started out as my parents yelling at me. Now all they do is make fun of me and distract me from reality. Recently I've been losing my memory and my ability to read and comprehend conversations. My cognitive ability is slowly being replaced now with the noise in my head. The noise in my head is viscous and personal and makes me feel like a piece of shit, I can't ignore it because they directly tug on my emotions as they talk to me. I'm about to be some kind of psychotic vegetable if my mind keeps deteriorating. I'm only 19 and I haven't lived a second of my teenage years having any real fun and my future is going to be filled with increasing misery. Once I've attained veggie status I'm going to be only fit for a mental hospital or living at home with my parents being spoonfed by them. The amount of suffering that I'm about to go through is going to take over every ounce of my cognition. And after a certain point of misery the will to die is unstoppable. There are no medications that have worked for me even marginally for depression or psychosis. I've tried dihexa, an extremely potent neurogenic that is able to restore the brain from being 60% damaged and was able to reverse every type of cognitive deficit in mice. Guess what it did to me? Absolutely nothing. I have no hope and I'm meant to die.",5.467724673202612,6.387514113970593,6.615098039215687,74.55016339869283,67.78676470588235,9.573856209150328,32.390522875817,9.725611199111238,3.2076807189542484,1117,47,199,24,18,376,151,272,0.161,0.763,0.076,-0.979,2,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,4,3,6,13,1,1,11,0,26,6,4,2,2,32,45,16,3,3,3,2,1,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,6,15,1,2,2,1,0,6,4,7,0,1,6,5,27,6,44,32,5,23,0,4,0,0,10,10,1,6,8,138,33,3,0.24603420301344406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365584746072921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499008327504253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732776947962422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595444926901504,0.0,0.38301698840521703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383776815458679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125163534327383,0.0,0.2072944274069911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062201142772125774,0.08788344189638134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796538148659473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355172063803105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525020731610814,0.0,0.1386492140086847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339618301261025,0.12218373893099092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934325211356227,0.0,0.1281033808376442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009994196237165,0.0,0.2172527088164264,0.0,0.0,0.1376246700301083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422974099837045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392678771255287,0.12397230438771145,0.0,0.1242122042881429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180382266852746,0.0,0.0,0.1310091982607898,0.0,0.18712009811752103,0.0,0.0,0.2731918662615352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741378804486736,0.0,0.0,0.11629092356501865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305039168146915,0.1400203933856049,0.0,0.0,0.12146454684418202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627528689339998,0.10176101759001112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707213761200447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249355066587528,0.09887648638611804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352053686844288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955791502350134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921898009622623
suicidewatch,nintemdogs,2018/01/10,"I haven't left my bed in 3 weeks I don't know why but, everything around me seems to be getting worse. I was recently discharged from my mental health clinic due to it being understaffed so I don't really have therapy as an option right now. I was put on antipsychotics by my doctor to keep me 'stable' but, if anything I feel worse? I've been planning my suicide for 2 months now and usually my support system comes to my aid but, they've all abandoned me and I have nobody or nothing to really live for now. I'm not going to kill myself soon but, the thoughts are getting stronger everyday. My boyfriend recently decided that a break would be good because, he cannot handle my mental illness and I'm not sure why I'm actually around anymore? Everyday is becoming increasingly harder for me to move, talk and even sleep. I'm growing tired and my suicide date may be sooner then I thought.",2.9066125760649086,5.3009801954023015,4.270730223123735,82.6737626774848,77.50574712643677,7.5423935091277885,28.051386071670045,8.4952907291091,2.3532951994590934,710,31,131,15,17,234,111,174,0.181,0.726,0.093,-0.964,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,3,0,17,6,1,0,2,29,32,14,3,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,2,8,0,2,6,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,5,1,22,3,17,21,2,28,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,5,14,82,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.12973505460027582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184562733070676,0.0,0.0,0.10940233326770248,0.2366983116681465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104198316977823,0.1468272081145778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145202681953156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360747487160162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780885920416151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948231274686323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722094103017559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389164567246505,0.0,0.07555565605456893,0.11150788295720546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413142225175256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816754443404248,0.1470838454585053,0.0,0.07306304571165252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444503367771908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739279117022405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679544005534201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061153587723892,0.1412993997867839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756422666358305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336463541538508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033582715594878,0.0,0.26253412001069304,0.0,0.0,0.11353422671868635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102805297821174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330409211974969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29084030735785643,0.1508643083694199,0.12529900431160135,0.0,0.0,0.10685608277297973,0.0,0.0,0.15203409081844058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110868168567553,0.0,0.15280061702818418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464200360203564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664038766735792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399242059861801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709644421287252,0.09444024966933462,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tunn3boyz,2018/01/10,I want to die But I can't help?,-7.143333333333333,-7.3494692222222175,-2.0349999999999984,117.66750000000002,130.11111111111111,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.3926,23,0,9,0,2,9,8,9,0.589,0.287,0.124,-0.7057,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7580773347840973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895959105462178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308301276176719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,autisticspymaster1,2018/01/10,Abandoned My best friend whom I loved more than anything in this world stopped talking to me months ago. I miss her too much and it doesn't seem worth it to go on anymore. ,5.621714285714283,5.355915314285717,4.383571428571429,94.80392857142859,67.28571428571429,7.0,31.785714285714285,3.1291,1.007571428571429,136,5,31,0,2,39,32,35,0.184,0.562,0.254,0.7298,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,5,5,3,7,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301685407552534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375197109745087,0.0,0.0,0.2800657454633075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571593598177996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26294107441474684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341955975576144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071645709538212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716512177758933,0.0,0.2501845258764829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30982713866233597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845343227421235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735474425931495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadboy412,2018/01/10,"I miss her 2017 was the worst year of my life. I met a girl, she was gorgeous. A short brunette, pale complexion, with piercing hazel eyes. She was a vet nurse in training, and infinitely smart. We met and our conversations were morbid though they felt natural. Talking about suicide pacts and how dying together would be romantic. We had spent alot of time together, and she lived an hour and a half away (scenic, rural country driving). One night we were watching a movie and it happened, we had sex, it was passionate and I let it happen. I regretted it, we didn't use a condom and she was a virgin and obviously held a very special sentiment to events like that. After the fact I had distanced myself from her, and in an unrelated move to another city the distance was the excuse. She had visited the city once to see a friend and asked if I wanted to hang. She said she wanted to talk about something serious and I declined, I was lazy. She came and left and afterwards messaged me on Snapchat making smalltalk. The topic swayed to and from various things with solid overtones of pregnancy. She asked what my views on pregnancy was, and I asked hers. She painted a picture of disappointment from her parents and she was heavily anti abortion. She asked what I would do if she was pregnant, part of me didn't even want to think about that at 20 so I joked and said ""I'd run"" - she laughed it off too, and eventually we sort of just faded apart again.

1.5 months later I was browsing through Facebook and was met with memorials for her. I asked her cousin what had happened and they said she had taken her own life. That they found her deceased in her dorm room. Part of me wishes the scene was  sunlight gently washing the room as she laid peacefully in bed, a neat bun as she always wore and the cute mickey mouse pyjamas she always wore. This is the thought I drown out the reality of slit wrists and heartbreak.

I miss her, she told me she loved me and I feel so guilty. She never told me she was pregnant or that was the reason but any deduction leads to me thinking she was, and instead of me unequivocally caring for her like she deserved I abandoned her.

I'm plagued with the thought that I was meant to go out with her too. That my life is now meaningless. My unborn child, and my dream girl are gone. I have terrible PTSD, I hear her voice yelling for me sometimes and I cannot control myself when I see shooting stars. I tried to replace her with another girl but the level of guilt I feel when I wake some mornings, dazed, and see her laying next to me and not my current girlfriend. The feelings are compounding and this overwhelming sense of self hate is going to take me out and I can't cope",4.0664121510673255,5.889954289272032,4.380131362889987,85.79586206896553,72.19923371647509,7.50016420361248,28.328954570333877,8.192908349453996,1.8763713191023528,2137,83,417,33,42,669,264,522,0.087,0.8290000000000001,0.084,-0.7029,2,0,1,1,1,1,56.0,7,0,3,2,16,26,1,2,29,0,40,12,3,6,3,85,92,44,3,9,7,2,4,2,2,2,4,6,4,5,17,47,0,3,11,2,1,10,6,13,0,3,47,16,95,13,54,41,7,46,0,7,6,5,80,18,0,6,20,295,112,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550001854316485,0.0,0.0,0.06333851766264396,0.19533120370641188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353674857774628,0.0,0.0875082669620882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652755536309184,0.094962623001303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446463396645726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966648039619898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061518211775028926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128342368266714,0.0,0.08942918103648724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212340208860328,0.07195987355729892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586742367667462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24709066598713544,0.0,0.0,0.09195664683862276,0.0,0.0,0.10497575431918564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172431759417536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119708025105484,0.09524214651992552,0.19736299505500995,0.09100717645098308,0.0,0.08224448709987714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406265067683652,0.0,0.06217179472026627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434360465115382,0.09899327332743538,0.0,0.0,0.07183545025681624,0.0,0.0990556401932351,0.08740575130383615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919125404718633,0.0631141977998033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034211496967966,0.201723481290276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887588847735366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957636195558496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579292586401554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266199842578335,0.0,0.09716552292912288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170386250953616,0.09211802157132223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018802418281911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002982541395354,0.14972510038409986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618781982711514,0.11936093556037948,0.09150975590160032,0.14788580127340034,0.05431078912887966,0.0,0.0,0.1779988706427068,0.0,0.06323606968560931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044321243915471,0.0,0.07685040456647703,0.1648094775407402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710661267445416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232822591935894,0.0,0.0,0.05997922347743709
suicidewatch,WhereMyFryAt,2018/01/10,"I just don't know what to do anymore I have always loved my little brother. Family has always been important to me. But lately it has been really hard to get along with him. He's very selfish, he only thinks about himself. I help him so much that it has landed me in trouble. So a week ago I asked for his help. Nothing big, just take my parents cats (2) for the rest of the month so I don't have to travel each morning and evening to feed them (I can't take them for reasons). He got upset. He refused to help me, even though he could and it wouldn't be a big hassle for him. He then continued to tell me that I'm stupid and worthless. He wants me dead. He blocked me everywhere. He manipulated me to get expensive parts to his computer (~700$) because his credit is gone so he can't get them himself. He told me he will pay the bill each month if I just took them on my name because my credit is clean. Of course I did it. I'm stupid I know. Now I'm stuck with the bill. I can't pay it. 
Now, I'm suicidal already. I don't need this. I'm on the edge of killing myself as we speak. I just can't handle this anymore. Everyone just uses me because I'm too kind. I'm so lonely. I just want to end it all. I don't know what to do I just don't.

P.s. I'm in my 30's so this is not teenage angst. I've been severely depressed my whole life, tried every treatment and medicine there is, yes that includes therapy so stop suggesting it, and nothing helps. I'm a lost cause. ",-0.10388888888888914,1.9857227547770755,2.054341825902334,95.86920559094128,87.37579617834395,5.144939844302901,20.50566171266808,6.5620332695718595,0.1634829440905876,1131,37,264,13,36,379,152,314,0.17800000000000002,0.727,0.095,-0.9794,1,2,0,0,0,1,46.0,1,0,4,1,22,14,3,1,8,1,28,3,0,4,1,39,58,17,3,6,10,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,15,11,1,3,5,1,7,3,11,10,0,0,10,2,44,4,27,44,7,22,0,4,0,1,39,8,0,1,11,159,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650860873148214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259210196183624,0.0,0.19995426275526046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23831948072653766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232707161454658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197329225522084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343048808040442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593259518250742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034878203379671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642011836285148,0.0,0.0,0.1587201802016201,0.0,0.10123429742006096,0.11481158184267624,0.0,0.0,0.11326979311545382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188325345905947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609753225318628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763371375892856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221447697840419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293177173411458,0.12512112282470406,0.19809925592706767,0.0,0.13553810235611916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486779561262127,0.0,0.12042512442262315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116146865495873,0.0,0.10844300150048584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181035967399246,0.0,0.08832646561670224,0.0890921142913577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058057269880405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138196285859856,0.0,0.0,0.1334159677508487,0.1301142636361836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697325026773295,0.12353755509221068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573897509026134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045349921785947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314281566009281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068058528486824,0.0,0.10501923867630734,0.0,0.13740571572275212,0.0,0.0,0.07698935264267312,0.1180499605549648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481158184267624,0.1334946845673884,0.08157617139820866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377383221924642,0.0,0.09913901680014256,0.14173900280599114,0.0,0.09637969164352556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414681552475113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dreams-of-dishes,2018/01/10,"I keep thinking that nothing matters because I'm going to kill myself soon I've been thinking about suicide for a long time now and I think I'm gonna do it eventually, probably this year. I don't really talk about these feelings with my family because they have expressed extreme disgust for suicide before. I'm not afraid of death at all, I see it as the only solution to my depression and problems. I've been in therapy so many times and on all kinds of medication but I'm just not meant for this world, I'm very weak. I'm a horrible person for taking the selfish way out, but I feel so so so bad all the time and I can't wait anymore, I want it to end soon. I'm posting here mainly to vent because I'm too afraid to talk to my family about this. I just need to figure out the best way to do it. ",2.1637024513947587,3.6671499053254486,4.199513947590873,86.45468934911243,76.57396449704143,7.1954353338968735,26.272612003381234,7.957251820313856,1.5374256973795428,630,24,134,10,14,216,94,169,0.214,0.733,0.053,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,1,1,14,11,2,2,6,0,7,2,0,0,3,29,29,11,4,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,3,13,2,24,25,5,19,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,0,9,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461979527994815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230869539779918,0.26959192208581145,0.0,0.12544092421993455,0.0,0.15470494175814026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696996004663244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056761783716758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779430672980006,0.0,0.14907682814866485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378042155234297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310309142089784,0.16309495833314352,0.15351201633352068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045931765186164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945759870707087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850701780932027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930776351363156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145049150463093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121171953882803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871875103505068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118464050372262,0.0,0.15894035157651862,0.14105806431135984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944390410314586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747218325171092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225003239632479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083916261789023,0.2369762404997589,0.0,0.0,0.16858407277804188,0.0,0.0,0.28337639145743915,0.0,0.0,0.2578799398361369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163438133171713,0.08695030712094201,0.2340253472197753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493165041342222
suicidewatch,Simon_Keyes1090,2018/01/10,What is the best rope to use? I have been looking at home Depot for the correct rope to use. Are there any known brands that work or types of rope?,1.0573118279569904,2.9585887096774215,1.3819354838709683,103.55956989247312,81.25806451612901,4.133333333333334,16.78494623655914,3.1291,-1.264040860215054,114,2,28,0,3,34,26,31,0.0,0.8640000000000001,0.136,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,5,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,17,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609946699048488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027705770323711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849790185678645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222922612650229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629536165803094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794083041224083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamiesonwillamson11,2018/01/10,"The ending.. I’m 17 and I’m done with life. I have nothing more to offer on the table. Nothing interests me, or makes me excited in life anymore. I just want to leave now. ",-1.2908333333333315,0.6641071388888875,1.8277777777777795,92.645,102.61111111111113,4.622222222222223,19.88888888888889,6.42735559955562,0.4612555555555558,131,5,28,2,6,46,27,36,0.085,0.8079999999999999,0.107,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074009043006793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172006923211637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745360179603908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282070204889164,0.0,0.0,0.4378733461115664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069033137164587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948374538723816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282474225107045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TerroristNinja,2018/01/10,"drunk and extremely suicidal yeaaaah as the title says ive been drunk for about 5 hours now
wantning to killing myself admitted to dad i was drunk and drugs 
all becaause i was lied to by a woman i feel ill never be good enough for anything please i need help i cant stop doing drugs or drinking parents dont understand my situation im nearly 30 and never been thing fucked up i feel like the more i drink or do drugs the closeer i am to the grave please help",1.5650526315789468,3.861431452631585,2.771842105263161,92.11039473684211,81.84210526315789,5.905263157894738,23.184210526315788,7.1686216300943375,0.821821052631579,368,13,78,5,10,118,64,95,0.243,0.581,0.175,-0.8589,1,0,5,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,5,0,11,10,0,0,3,14,17,6,3,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,3,5,1,4,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,3,11,2,11,12,3,7,0,1,0,1,7,2,1,2,6,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721084549891207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811732691017662,0.302870235777693,0.5378109434835163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972833382614815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632633214058922,0.11043604277402858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291197290977306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965913657499206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723104948543727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223575877311218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697906460252365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102615438944666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552275625593588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462332514571942,0.2384520171638546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164910691338026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393773172991479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293273968221513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376078450135676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924055281950936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690916468555742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269985879862244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092914768873334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ijustwanttodie123123,2018/01/10,"I need to vent I've been having suicidal ideation since I was 12 - that was also when I first attempted (if you could even call it that.) I've been so depressed for the last couple years I don't even know how to talk to people anymore. I don't know what a normal person acts like around other people. I have no friends, they left me after high school ended. I guess I left them too. I made no friends in university, people don't need to be burdened with knowing me. 19 and friendless, how great's that? But it's for the best, I was a shit-tier mate anyway

My future, the big one that I dreamed up, is never going to happen. That's a realisation which I've been having over the past few weeks. That was what was holding me together I think, but it's crumbled and I've gone with it. I don't know what to do, I don't know who I can go to. I'm too fucked to be fixed at this point

The only reason I haven't killed myself is because my family wouldn't cope with it. ",0.8807560975609761,2.7669176975609773,2.682621951219513,94.08588414634147,81.78048780487805,5.270731707317073,18.54268292682927,6.2581,-0.2469560975609761,748,17,171,6,20,248,114,205,0.097,0.8320000000000001,0.071,-0.6041,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,3,11,9,2,0,8,0,25,1,0,4,1,27,41,10,2,6,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,18,6,0,1,7,1,0,4,10,4,0,2,10,0,25,5,19,27,2,24,0,1,0,1,10,10,1,2,11,117,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817778356159684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415448483708234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042166549823767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246117616814569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196068662999595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812887573122742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800449754723353,0.149677021399772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651045212105947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981174272238088,0.0,0.0,0.17869310509811104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752336230912675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506315994250672,0.0,0.0,0.20902319617880588,0.12505772531102533,0.0,0.0,0.15375754690907034,0.0,0.0,0.1491389798176996,0.1490184800589609,0.0,0.11962148300482052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292337044150946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965955196867764,0.0,0.3717125647818934,0.11026556425783514,0.0,0.0,0.2939490595574162,0.0,0.0,0.06608756365395102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799860032510246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060645750597506,0.10433089074056848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325388363850108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166449783900532,0.10288122576738702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913340207016388,0.28134383450281786,0.1181151815283225,0.0,0.0,0.12787672604229325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908319211592451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690351602156253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388558089742152,0.11189923830011804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796672591038884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872732775703556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667748780108993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850785543654676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711138844340795
suicidewatch,SuicidalFucker,2018/01/10,"alcohol and drugs. quick death. I just got in to the college i wanted. good. 

midterms week. dying.

dead sooner or later.
i can easily buy drugs and down it with alcohol and it'll be quick. i want to die so fucking bad. like shit, i had to create this burner just bc people know my main. idek anymore. nobody needs me. or they say they do but they dont know better.

im wasting my parents money on fucking shrink visits. mom's got pneumonia. dad obese and probably diabetic. im not worth the money, time or effort.

my girlfriend deserves wayyyy fucking better. miles better. i'm nothing but a downer, and she has more than enough on her plate as it is. 

why am i even writing here? i guess i have hope. im not sure honestly. fucking hell.",-0.12164383561643888,2.088463602739729,1.962942465753429,91.3909616438356,101.32876712328766,4.253808219178082,18.853698630136982,6.152001189255117,0.2309685479452055,570,19,111,7,25,189,102,146,0.245,0.68,0.075,-0.9829,1,0,4,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,3,4,7,15,6,0,3,0,10,11,1,0,1,24,24,12,4,4,9,3,0,1,1,1,6,1,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,0,4,1,3,7,0,0,3,1,17,8,10,19,3,11,1,0,0,4,12,5,6,5,6,65,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583985907734636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989471136331148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094173370554113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207636884633881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25093850011007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168727953258614,0.0,0.2803981325458127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491618215150405,0.0,0.07984957895507452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470595194227356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140044620785378,0.193380513537504,0.0,0.13317875787876698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200753691612192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917599354428752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288074779986034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059062873511961364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415900032916059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964162975804983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160013907609684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342388704102584,0.0,0.0,0.08381292128132835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034455826058278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614004062197967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409631447133602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139414955216417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049446854076473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261324150708085,0.0,0.09697415650334394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908834827579167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kitatwbobcat,2018/01/10,"[poem] tiger     Tiger
    
    Fear flows through silent hours
    Sharp shadows in the wires
    Empty darkness swallows all
    a hollow shell, a smothering sprawl
    
    In that dark and desert place,
    Shrug off lethargy’s soft embrace,
    Anger surges, make a wish 
    Of drowning in the cool abyss.
    But in that crystal pool I spy
    A mirrored glint of tiger’s eye.
    Thrashing, hissing, to the surface,
    Survival is his only purpose.
    
    I leap and land, on padded feet.
    With hunger blood alone defeats
    Stalk among the glades of now
    The past forever disavow.
    Could I, a human visitor?
    Become the orange predator?
    Whose claws and wiry deadly form,
    Not a single noise forewarns?
    
    Eyes burn with other-worldly light,
    I seek for what I hunt tonight
    I roam for what I cannot find
    There is no peace within my mind

I have a tiger inside me, and I am the prey. But I am also the tiger, stuck forever, hunting my own blood. I don't know what to kill anymore. 
",2.4562280701754418,5.220882035087719,2.373739766081872,93.27253947368423,82.45029239766083,4.355672514619883,23.754678362573102,5.6839178017228535,0.4167822222222224,712,26,134,4,20,212,122,171,0.166,0.772,0.062,-0.9436,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,3,1,15,1,8,7,5,1,1,16,12,7,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,2,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,6,15,1,18,10,4,16,0,1,2,0,3,11,0,0,4,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27180782522106645,0.0,0.20987250372902388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602691300585215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28984343659004685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953631668120049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29531702065707194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398646403752039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584497110815267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903500501167663,0.0,0.14422970053530906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518017908800626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649887415011974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959680932284907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052787656793024,0.0,0.0,0.2741930678687737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017920855307785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butihavenailpainton,2018/01/10,"Please don't tell me I shouldn't think about dying. I've had a particularly grim life, only passing instances of happiness. Either that or I can't remember anything good about life, now. 
My childhood wasn't a distinctly happy one. I still get jealous everytime somebody talks about their loving relationship with their parents or mentions a happy memory from when they were a kid. 
When I say that, it would be unfair to not mention the fact that my parents, like any other human being, are flawed creatures and they made their respective mistakes which I took too hard on myself as a kid. Despite coming from conservative backgrounds, they're now wonderful and supportive towards me and my siblings or atleast try to understand my point of views no matter how violently difficult to comprehend. I should also mention that I am the middle kid and carry a very typical behaviour at that. 
As I grew up, I found myself surrounded with problems all the time. There was always a dagger hanging over the neck and I'd fret if everything in a moment seemed smooth, because in my experience that's the calm before the storm. 
Some of those problems were my doings but most of them just attacked me from nowhere, like how the hell was that happening to me!
By the age of 20, I had learnt to deal with these ""uncalled for problems"" and sometimes I'd even see myself being oblivious to those because the frequency of these were too high. Unless it was a killing problem, I wouldn't respond to it. 
At the age of 22, given the past history of my bad relationship with parents, even id speculated I'd be in an abusive relationship at one point in time. But it happened too early and I was taken aback. A year of physical, emotional, mental and more often than not sexual abuse, I broke down to the point of no going back. Or atleast that's what I think right now. 
Everybody keeps telling me how I shouldn't let that affect me, it's a lesson for me to get better and how I should look forward to bigger more anticipated things. I just can't see it. I can't even imagine myself two days later. At this point, I just want to die. 
I know this thought is terribly tainted with my sadness coming from all the bad experiences but I genuinely don't see how killing your self is wrong. I just don't wish to live any longer because this life, it ain't getting any better.",6.593952274422072,7.0626953601789735,6.83758389261745,75.52775540641315,65.19686800894854,9.754213273676363,33.78150633855332,9.633347757342033,3.184408799403432,1874,77,336,35,27,605,229,447,0.195,0.725,0.08,-0.996,3,0,0,0,1,1,44.0,0,1,6,3,28,31,6,0,25,0,33,5,1,7,4,73,62,28,4,14,16,3,2,2,0,6,3,1,0,5,27,16,0,2,11,0,0,8,15,19,0,3,16,8,48,12,54,35,7,48,1,3,5,1,28,23,1,10,21,243,75,0,0.0,0.1849608115669816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062419201650797285,0.06494660439666737,0.0,0.0,0.15923677658518975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423122133806025,0.0,0.0,0.08879690519913386,0.0,0.060018175373332164,0.13034250261934613,0.1427417150029865,0.0,0.06641761561762867,0.0,0.0,0.13806361475057305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447202585977924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050337926021810864,0.08046953252077824,0.0,0.0,0.16201401990629827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779946502858937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466042000724264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014927969815755,0.15270222359664373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558142271404083,0.0,0.0,0.12233889460400918,0.0,0.04435949327980257,0.06546741095216856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380445637471165,0.24926759106006824,0.0699204321120317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824676045901831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937736586426872,0.17270883994367853,0.0,0.04289605642371983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981479499128424,0.16539407777717294,0.07626580664738808,0.0,0.06892250035194973,0.0,0.06554511990724328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044615724606723,0.07385592662067332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865937542821577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105781882128765,0.0593630574211123,0.0,0.0,0.2600068823234411,0.0,0.07451071373709019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567909245106424,0.2951424178415599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29874589504052146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514001242277138,0.08841918159205582,0.06665709796123989,0.0,0.06207112279817392,0.0,0.0,0.18659514097559265,0.07105679949198086,0.08142662231144067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719671674114986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233347203821391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857396815457412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273629180389312,0.13644406184423566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185514911099517,0.10002681533145086,0.0,0.0619656073600192,0.09102702235358624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672009636791783,0.05299307210548385,0.0,0.07624673964647209,0.0812562456007638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440215292908555,0.04603786293911683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975745135095185,0.0,0.08464548223956958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544683004967956,0.08533903852301883,0.0,0.05026377082530927
suicidewatch,throwthatshtawai,2018/01/10,"Just gonna vent, no need to click Everytime I wake up, which is a quite a few times every night, I want nothing more than to finally fall asleep, knowing hat I won't wake up anymore. That this time, I get to have peace and that it'll be final. I don't want to come back into this life, where all that awaits me is despair. Some things can't be fixed and by now, I'm not sure I'd want them to be. There's no point, not anymore.  
It's ridiculous just how easy it was to ruin my life. I didn't even notice that's what I was doing. It came naturaly to me, it was easier to do it than not to. At least noone got hurt in the process. Noone except myself that is.   
Some people just don't seem to have what it takes to be a fully functioning human and as it turns out I'm one of 'em. I wish nature had an instant off switch for organisms it has weeded out. I guess form natures perspective it makes sense to keep us alive as long as possible but I really wish it wasn't so. ",1.2098617756512482,2.6665532105263168,2.9402472089314218,94.66311935140884,79.09569377990431,6.366932482721957,19.26661350345561,7.1686216300943375,0.0919280170122274,747,16,179,9,18,248,128,209,0.056,0.8440000000000001,0.1,0.6729999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,1,1,10,5,1,0,5,0,23,5,3,2,2,32,43,9,0,6,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,22,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,11,4,0,1,8,1,16,1,29,28,7,23,0,3,1,0,3,10,0,4,10,121,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005999972114967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653501547918865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333642632626786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054961699194026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009942447961714,0.0,0.12769006305907735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320381300811497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791802643543861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212108965631984,0.0,0.16695287803678074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224077871339349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470740079329774,0.0,0.0,0.0832896463152976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409293983627808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411976628752922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116290267217584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237473842215498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422223622773442,0.0,0.1454193322740142,0.1725442627225747,0.0,0.0,0.10269633485701332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506787003769484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326671053304715,0.17085340233562632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119542723097846,0.0,0.0,0.09708882691965287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796829339098687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283704780059306,0.0,0.11394910577017532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068517689410654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674371793236815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484630471312556,0.0,0.0,0.18229977599099895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681699187054552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485572801069634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WinterAbstract,2018/01/10,"A stream of pain The past 5 years have been a downwards spiral. 

  Poor sleep. Altered moods and worsening health. Consistent failure. Habits and addiction. No friends and a family I can't talk about this with otherwise I'll make them upset.

  I promised myself last year I'd keep hope and not consider a hard reset. But my only friend who i met here on SW is probably gone after months of no contact. I've broken off talking with somebody who I poured my corruption upon in the past 4 years. I have no order to my thoughts and it's all my doing.

  I deserve no sympathy because I'm a cowardly person who is lazy and scared of success, failure, and trying. An inveterate moron who has squandered life. 

  My body aches from yet another day of not sleeping and my brain issues only a confused garble of narrative to guide me. I stand to plan my next steps and I'm lost. I have indulged myself in a perfect poison and just about lost myself.

  I hope death is painless. I know only I may help myself yet I'm too lost in my own thoughts and messes to find a skein and pull it out of this Daedalean maze of belief and disbelief, hope and despair.

  Brace! But how? When all my arms are limp.

  I'm sorry.",1.226453900709224,3.81639721276596,2.779893617021276,89.08416666666668,87.51063829787233,5.516312056737589,22.72695035460993,7.03164865440522,1.0145205673758857,935,35,180,14,30,305,144,235,0.241,0.633,0.126,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,6,9,20,2,3,11,0,12,10,5,2,3,38,29,18,1,3,5,0,2,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,8,17,0,1,5,0,1,3,7,11,0,0,8,2,26,8,24,20,3,26,1,4,0,0,13,8,0,5,13,113,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555214296225548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038439949064365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579829353389776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381169595953544,0.0,0.13880782800565705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019090058730947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172194443240397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136471816324092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213407224568452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138683818813296,0.0,0.0,0.1321707157197553,0.0,0.0,0.08334444221040324,0.0,0.0,0.3705017451944601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978170935819675,0.0,0.1105217057735036,0.0,0.0,0.06833562023933358,0.10135608045722833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878270858372423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407204976267276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299986859284783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992493371717478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224011235980798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28370519481588546,0.1323096400111524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373987849794025,0.0,0.10857144678651667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406270480919488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448896064863615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488654497958685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919172546652306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998842676626211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742878788794385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442068461830728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402183026560863
suicidewatch,Katisha9,2018/01/10,"Please listen I really need to say this to someone, but I am so incredibly alone right now. I want to stop the pain so badly but I don't want to cause pain to anyone around me or have them find my body. I just want to stop existing.
I've been sick, like REALLY sick for just over 3 years, most of it bed bound and I'm just beginning to slowly get well enough to leave the house again but my life has gone to shit over this time. My family are useles, I haven't been able to get disability yet so I'm totally broke, I am married but he has gotten sick of being my caretaker and so we are spending a bit of time apart at the moment. So I'm staying with friends in another state who have no idea how bad I really am right now. I email my psychologist about everything going wrong and her reaction was to say sorry things are bad, well just postpone your next appointment until your back. So what do I do? I don't want to go back into hospital - last time I did my hubby flipped and tried to leave me so I'm terrified of what will happen. I just can't cope with this along with feeling sick alllll time. Life shouldn't be this torturous ",2.2828723404255307,3.9495014893617046,3.905691489361703,87.98875000000002,76.65957446808511,7.934042553191488,21.111702127659573,8.697196308434329,1.1409617021276597,890,22,196,19,20,297,131,235,0.299,0.624,0.077,-0.9972,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,1,0,23,13,2,0,4,0,24,10,2,2,1,37,43,18,0,6,10,0,1,1,1,2,8,3,1,0,9,11,0,3,3,0,1,3,6,9,2,0,6,4,26,4,30,33,4,32,0,1,0,0,12,9,1,2,19,127,35,0,0.11589921289186443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003663118219338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153043015565113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103942444491605,0.0,0.0,0.10317487153381152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782386813647597,0.29031300495405044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653192284495185,0.12873789791560625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906041754746514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975486872978068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041627393228194,0.0,0.1092594631486508,0.0,0.05860212441983064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592978089188668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954344437982625,0.0,0.12110511034478927,0.0,0.1317363871697115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248929119724716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337321307510213,0.0,0.13083610405423582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447332736875218,0.0,0.2454410638544587,0.0,0.0,0.16372608322490745,0.05662250112359369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593779780572333,0.0,0.0,0.12326012775840076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466498680380634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722253187484045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227440106424586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795458909422348,0.0,0.1843354118907857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896887651705655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820102697611513,0.0,0.0,0.12973968002412534,0.0,0.12353314006176297,0.0,0.19379386320163253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699828711906766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703270522961076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868795772943431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734414344347353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841462265139565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671759513400566,0.0,0.07463529319740307
suicidewatch,eyesonskin,2018/01/10,"Can't shake the feeling that I should have died. When I was 18 I got extremely sick and had to have five surgeries in two days, three of them emergency surgeries because I had a lot of internal bleeding. I spent over a week in ICU, then three more in a regular ward before I could go home. I was high on strong painkillers pretty much all the time and felt very little pain but I know it was a big deal. The doctors told me later I was pretty much bleeding out on the operation table and if they had started just half an hour later, there would have been zero chance of me surviving. My mother was given photos of the surgeries and just took one look at the file before she put them away out of my reach, white-faced. I will never forget my parents' faces during these three weeks. 

Ever since I got home from that hospital, things have been hell. I have always been depressed but trying extremely hard to get better, never ""comfortable"" in my state. Over the past three years I was badly abused by my partner, developed a chronic illness that took a big chunk of my life quality, developed an eating disorder, had several borderline traumatic experiences that haunt me even in my dreams, lost a dear family member and found out I would never be able to have children. 

I just genuinely feel like I should have died back then. Life now is so bad, it feels almost comical so to speak? Like it's actually just a TV show or something. By all means absolutely unreal. Every day is hell. I wake up wanting to go back to sleep right away just so I don't have to experience more shit. I feel like I'm being punished for beating death that time, and I feel guilty for surviving.",6.337131415495257,6.53883931987578,6.5207159202353715,78.4973962079111,65.73913043478261,9.884537430532854,30.30140568813337,9.682069395223575,2.6439726708074525,1319,43,251,25,19,423,186,322,0.235,0.6559999999999999,0.11,-0.9953,1,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,0,3,6,15,17,4,1,17,0,33,14,4,0,6,42,57,16,3,7,9,2,7,3,1,5,9,1,2,2,10,9,1,0,9,4,1,6,5,10,0,9,23,9,34,7,34,26,7,50,2,2,1,0,11,21,3,4,25,174,44,1,0.0978314693996877,0.11591429371836767,0.09546940177497297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796408487731134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814036196561525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383177183209698,0.15045272238428806,0.16337038105106488,0.05963715570718005,0.0,0.1664947496618749,0.0,0.0,0.08652398449399087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811046769653361,0.0,0.0,0.12618640873453574,0.1008599491856722,0.08426210124009463,0.0,0.20306723927961612,0.0,0.1121233396530647,0.10013465440488756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010601684899108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646167628679312,0.08849416502934275,0.08242723240591343,0.0,0.0,0.19139589892012573,0.0922268025722188,0.0,0.24733265217618194,0.13978164257357756,0.09393355264682136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726715659677613,0.0,0.0,0.05111290491634444,0.0,0.11119975717387913,0.0,0.156489526307484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876377805231912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033643187411614,0.1962658809966644,0.0,0.09634429070988468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053765617068111525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820252011454873,0.1433865428708744,0.0980528335876766,0.0,0.0,0.08215379481055561,0.0,0.10679460553435724,0.08317281679716174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656715045428182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383477328382396,0.0,0.2263609809594589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662931355635569,0.0,0.10409958107272284,0.0,0.10863026919451736,0.0,0.09339120740350493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905955085520965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834764797984816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354754032526608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052171380100173,0.10042259746278777,0.08092720244993143,0.0,0.0979021221168804,0.0,0.0,0.07531544475702961,0.0,0.0,0.06924561757690854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649948811744364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409263309358872,0.0,0.0,0.09348216148691796,0.21738872437928752,0.0664211458960775,0.0,0.09556713013500652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807212079950659,0.057703535377905776,0.0,0.15694900729832847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899333787911006,0.0,0.0,0.06300025876268055
suicidewatch,MidWestCrisis,2018/01/10,I Just Want to End It. The only reason I can’t is because I have 3 nephews & 6 nieces who have already been through hell. The last thing they need is an aunt who shot herself in the fucking face on top of everything else. I still think about it all the time; all the different ways I could do it. I have lost count of how many therapists I have been through or how many meds I’ve tried. Nothing works. Is this really all there is? I’ve been dealing with depression & anxiety since childhood. That’s all. I just wanted to shout it out somewhere. Thank you.,1.5764749262536883,3.9001449292035417,2.3886946902654884,94.708941740413,82.00884955752213,5.890560471976402,23.57595870206489,7.1686216300943375,0.8142454277286135,439,16,95,6,12,137,77,113,0.112,0.835,0.053,-0.8144,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,3,7,5,2,0,6,0,14,2,1,3,4,17,21,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,11,1,11,16,4,10,1,2,0,1,8,4,2,1,5,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951107165969496,0.0,0.0,0.38314021970791995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525672930087226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077797931771312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116585463326856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228006239034855,0.1522834504200623,0.0,0.0,0.1847254899450373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769940632353784,0.0,0.15659835877769349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890256447949982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345505115935444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412115206840842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300552416420064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585087183496117,0.0,0.0,0.19639251288400333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311000127860361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965090720693046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446954979647927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326697289146538,0.18178685264084607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625642418770327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119815060686267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277996022732227,0.0,0.2052863392460556,0.11746259135744774,0.1132906677108928,0.0,0.0,0.10309747549195088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004022127442597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085704804285689,0.1403410198258377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287174668576549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aquaboy28,2018/01/10,"I've failed my exams I decided to post here for the last time before I end it when I get back home in a few hours, you've saved me once but I'm afraid to say this is the end. All my family members are awaiting a call from me to tell them I've passed my exams, but I've failed them and will prove I'm a disappointment when I tell them I've failed my first term of university. My depression and stress have made this even worse this whole term. Thank you and goodbye. ",2.9985571428571407,3.7071395700000025,3.9054285714285726,92.50700000000002,73.3,7.7142857142857135,21.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,0.47867142857142797,367,7,89,5,7,118,61,100,0.257,0.6970000000000001,0.047,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,3,4,5,9,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,9,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,1,1,15,2,7,7,5,14,0,5,0,0,8,1,0,0,11,49,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167806059405215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891698998751576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470042811950102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109786109793752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724584352122288,0.0,0.0,0.13887569113796086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821576291030352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788482644896663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109852918674282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090935742108927,0.0,0.2070651540820561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139112823202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895444846716845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239215601880616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137232779875586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720832798531066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408537570513777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675555139977287,0.19358047473615508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260513039787015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347493771276123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427435975990508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eundl,2018/01/10,"Want to die but can't kill myself I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and I'm so tired. So fucking tired. Told my mom about it, but the only thing I got was a huge fuck off. Since then, I never tried to tell her. I'd love to talk to a psychiatrist about it, but I barely have any money. I'm still in school and I don't have a job, nor do I have any qualifications to get one. So I'm left with no other option but my friends, but at this point I'm sure they're tired of hearing me repeat that same depressing things over and over.
I've read a lot on the best ways to do it, heck I even tried to overdose but I failed. If only I had the courage to jump off a building. That would make things so much easier. But I can't. I'm too scared. But if anyone shot me. If someone ran over me. I'd give them my eternal gratitude.",0.12748569794050368,2.0110676467391286,2.1672768878718536,96.77291762013729,84.48913043478261,5.3954233409610985,17.836384439359268,6.5966054737557815,-0.3057999999999996,653,15,160,7,19,218,108,184,0.197,0.606,0.197,-0.0264,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,2,10,13,3,2,8,0,12,6,0,1,2,25,28,21,2,5,11,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,6,8,0,1,6,1,18,5,22,21,4,21,0,3,0,3,10,11,3,5,7,102,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151336295098525,0.0,0.1020957528003663,0.0,0.0,0.09331762042361658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005696354164573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298960442121715,0.0,0.13850934860516012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814839622148396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311007526638544,0.2467613490788301,0.06972680763667627,0.12802601251570486,0.0,0.0,0.10673933633644192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041796759659434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243744250783218,0.0,0.14765258545394452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450035699842658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346205047253614,0.1204519381413131,0.0,0.08908490407433041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630554192617346,0.0,0.0,0.09810770474345616,0.0,0.10293179124164427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043525737067082,0.20300313316994215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616187186957534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349509379499336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361571898503571,0.13506761066978112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039864564606897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307935888408613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106580512147089,0.0,0.0,0.1395203007520323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578350724881088,0.0,0.0,0.10726927109994727,0.1166490291273402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659926441924489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601743874625786,0.0,0.12752577264249168,0.0,0.18121977103369205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871756296842337,0.10593352465308822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480542877516218,0.0,0.0,0.08594320614326036
suicidewatch,throwayayd4,2018/01/10,"I'm closer to 30 than 20.... And I have nothing figured out yet. The aspects of your life are:
1. Family
2. Career 
3. Finances
4. Roots

Most of everyone has at least one thing on that list. Sure Joe may not be working in his dream job or have enough money to live on his own but at least he has a great wife who he will plan to have kids with soon and plenty of friends in his area. Dan may have trouble finding a girl he clicks with or finding an ideal location but at least he has a promising career in his chosen field. 

I have none of that figured out. I jumped different fields finally settling on engineering but I guess I'm not meant to be an engineer if I can't find a relevant job after almost a year of searching. Other than that I am at square one and hate that I am so behind everyone else in life. 

By 30 Most have 3 of those figured out. On the bright side at least I can afford a gun. 

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suicidewatch,KekLma0,2018/01/10,The only reason I'm still alive is because I don't have anything to kill myself with I'm too poor to afford a gun ☹️🔫,-1.32977011494253,0.19727027586207235,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,87.6206896551724,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-0.957698850574713,94,2,23,0,3,35,25,29,0.331,0.584,0.084,-0.8225,1,0,0,1,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859528630041928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859023614366317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188868423625762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567010169053792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822173889565285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745496581408611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quasigoku,2018/01/10,"Solitude Today I wondered if I had no one in my life that I cared about, why would I continue living?

If I could find a place of absolute solitude and isolation, then I'd feel comfortable with my decision. I don't enjoy this life. I am full of despair and apathy. I try to continue each day but it's all so mindless. 

I truly think that if I lost everyone I cared about, I'd take a month to live by myself in isolation, to come to peace with my decision and then end my existence. 

 I don't think I am a burden but that existence is a burden. The constant struggle to avoid boredom and pain while seeking pleasure and meaning. Eventually the wind stops blowing and we are lost at sea. 

I think about suicide a lot. I think about how I am one person living one meaningless existence. I think about my mother crying. I think about the people I could have helped. I think about the people I've made laugh. I think about how difficilt it be to actually do it. I think about what I'd say in the letter.

Then I think about the relief and release. I don't know what's on the otherside. Nothing most likely. I didnt exist in the past in which I didn't seem to mind.

I think about how my life is chance and circumstance and how little control I have. I think about my own selfishness and the stories I create to continue to exist. I think about the suffering in the world and how absurd all of it is. I think about how useless I am.

I feel lost. I already have a reason to die. I need a reason to live. The worst part is, I don't think I even have the effort to end my life. I don't have the effort to create another story. I don't think I can be at peace with my life. So I waste away until a time comes and I can be at peace in the ground.
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suicidewatch,pedroordo3,2018/01/10,"Don’t know what to do So my problems aren’t huge I probably have a fantastic life, but I’m Mexican and 15 and my Visa (E-2) we been having problems renewing it. So now I’m in Mexico in my grandparents house, and like it’s been like this for 3 months. I been doing my homework but more and more I’m losing motivation to do that, I haven’t worked out I basically just play video games or watch YouTube all day, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do. I’m starting to lose a point to life, I’m not able to go anywhere because it’s dangerous and we are runing out of money because my dad can’t take care of the business from Mexico (not his fault), but I’m also not seeing anyone, and I’m now scare of seeing people that I used to hang out with. I’m also really scared because if my visa gets revoke I will have to go to a new school my dad would have to get a job or start a new business it would be like starting all over again, in a new house and everything. I just want things to go back to normal thank you for being here. ",2.1623981900452485,3.2609912126696834,4.056470588235297,89.13411764705884,75.7873303167421,7.371945701357468,22.95475113122172,7.928766900206844,0.9326723981900455,802,22,183,12,17,273,114,221,0.113,0.746,0.141,0.5395,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,0,4,12,15,1,2,7,0,22,2,0,2,2,37,47,18,0,7,11,2,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,9,14,0,0,3,3,3,4,7,8,0,0,3,4,20,7,25,39,4,25,0,2,3,0,7,9,0,3,16,116,29,5,0.12167521871755595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946072568967676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507814201706433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935607326307746,0.0,0.22251625194501792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405599471078355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847045013312744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935384091994532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615226465148569,0.08692480056368024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714055964093907,0.0,0.20745249241110825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807937319449651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074387978292872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686951812529672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188561068785113,0.2377774632508116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722468928587116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711999873105416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35254405333108235,0.0,0.0,0.11921588024813705,0.11675065395829083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435427631995526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502241059440865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118646523975985,0.2328535034309547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794826078250623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24363624069959885,0.12314181727206795,0.19391879194843825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583670382015998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091484621807796,0.0,0.0,0.11202219381393368,0.0,0.0,0.0808356087355911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050883223469226,0.0,0.0,0.07176719649582737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858100837124155,0.0,0.0,0.17286916868875996,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vp-shunt,2018/01/10,"Is self harm (cutting) bad? If so, why? I just started cutting the other day, do you guys think it is bad? ",-1.9809090909090905,-0.33356499999999656,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,108.0909090909091,2.2,19.13636363636364,3.1291,-0.8622181818181818,78,3,18,0,4,26,19,22,0.425,0.575,0.0,-0.9107,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.631212328799107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437725137435588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37426988688582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943263851972496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675435244053862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220096199975835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410775099270492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway86753ohnein,2018/01/10,"I don't want to live each day like this anymore. I wrote this out on facebook, couldn't post it there but had to put it somewhere.



Do you ever get the feeling that your biggest problem is you?? Like, if you were anyone BUT yourself in this exact situation then you would be a better person, more sucessful by whatever measure matters to you, genuninely happy, driven, and actually enjoying life.

But you aren't someone else, and you aren't any of those things.

It's the feeling that makes you realize the truth is you've had all this opportunity in front of you that many others are more deserving of, and you can't get your shit together and take advantage of it.  Not for lack of trying, but for simply being incapable. 

It's the feeling of self doubt that stems from this, when you start to tell yourself that ypu shouldn't try to improve because you know you're worthless; Don't further disappoint yourself by pretending you can change.

It's the feeling that turns to anger, anger at yourself for being so fucking pathetic. How'd you end up this fucked up when you had so much going for you? how does anyone fuck that up? 

The tightness in your chest, short, rasping breaths that make your raw throat sting. The cold tile on you feet and the cold steel of a razor in your hand.

It's the feeling you get when you look yourself in eye above the bathroom sink and say ""You deserve to die"", and you know it's true.

It's that feeling that is on my mind, Facebook. It's always on my fucking mind.




*Edit: a word",6.3133853541416585,6.327762775510205,6.165590236094438,81.66106242497,65.80272108843538,8.822408963585435,32.94037615046018,8.313332769828598,2.3869166066426564,1192,46,232,14,17,374,153,294,0.134,0.693,0.173,0.6541,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,26,0,4,8,20,7,1,13,0,21,12,7,3,5,45,46,19,1,7,6,0,8,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,29,9,0,1,9,1,0,4,8,11,0,0,6,13,30,9,35,34,6,30,0,2,2,4,31,17,5,2,10,156,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.1212660561401155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339957858434368,0.0,0.0,0.08450539612241212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323885240558753,0.17377987715930446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575162866391337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990351008845788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145734737843262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014153142904255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896887788583386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874634198172907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380861061139128,0.0,0.1100631238363067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240605036800506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37699687723749575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595290443103802,0.1947721557430351,0.0,0.07062344450423605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322838666715994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658709945952022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777301549672903,0.1214205475558259,0.0,0.10972948559165273,0.0,0.10435245752458457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658975402127552,0.12598659964286152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094722832220284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135008373179844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085046052758164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901283663553405,0.0,0.0,0.11890613811896827,0.0,0.12492202925166974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988216089079719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296369303794043,0.0,0.12755764795051885,0.0,0.13968061180385186,0.0,0.0,0.1052904960870401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795637966110778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343284868947586,0.0,0.10861428881533668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255705768322409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687374228260019,0.1351661317671523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329552747291468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827526726353037,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cggzb,2018/01/10,"Why? I don’t have anyone or anything going for me. I’m so alone and sad and miserable. I ruin everything good that comes my way. I can’t do anything right. I’ve even attempted suicide and couldn’t get that right. 

What’s the point of living anymore? I just want everything to be over. I don’t want to be alive. I want to be put out of this misery. I just want this to be over... ",-1.1338888888888905,0.9398044074074114,1.3190432098765434,97.62819444444449,97.51851851851852,4.675308641975309,16.626543209876544,6.42735559955562,-0.2550419753086421,291,8,68,4,12,98,49,81,0.253,0.626,0.122,-0.9478,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,13,18,5,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,10,13,0,10,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080960472584945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926202324946016,0.14049031310695514,0.0,0.33068567712836056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730777182805723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270801086456033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611539929306369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497418378604467,0.0,0.1141893986033418,0.16852501532405315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774190434454571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993755735150014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019835125954757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431749718522439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197775886084468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740393086856494,0.15948364284768304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130211702588672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JackAss987,2018/01/10,"Contemplating Suicide I know I have posted something similar to this before, but I can't let it in anymore. The misery is getting overwhelming.

I haven't experienced any kind of connection with anyone my whole life. No family or friends and no girl in their right mind, would consider me as a potential partner.

It's a tough realization for me and I can't cope with it any longer. I have wasted years by staying isolated in my room, seeking answers and/or resolutions to my problem, to no avail.

I have also tried communicating with my peers, but sadly, there is zero connection between me and the outside world. Not a single person wants me and it's probably because i am not worthy of love or friendship.

All I have to look forward to is a couple of years of misery, before I blow my brains out.

Thank you for reading. Just wanted to vent.",4.0957412398921855,6.37075732075472,5.38897124887691,76.65466981132076,73.27672955974842,8.064869721473496,29.596136567834677,8.841846274778883,2.7281910152740343,670,29,115,14,14,223,100,159,0.25,0.687,0.062,-0.9871,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,1,6,0,13,3,1,0,1,23,20,10,1,4,7,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,5,8,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,4,0,1,0,2,21,4,22,18,3,12,0,2,1,1,7,8,0,2,3,87,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142594989241257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24251475874371475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683628460660386,0.12467897589271172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869653769364546,0.0,0.30345851705729826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905369376478751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729737986368506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809544323973594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776239181919694,0.0,0.09315997267123616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856831377667852,0.09799488847122337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233475488435594,0.1259461090896664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149736065518404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609323536495848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004295975905835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569401114296266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707723452491866,0.0,0.1922490753711744,0.17061924280726812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178358936988593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227634950878946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727227569574582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900554637105121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950429468472321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416452064943735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106124953371787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103445220981924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990775103813236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266667936355266,0.0,0.0,0.229652468167011
suicidewatch,TAM819,2018/01/10,"Why. I don't know. I don't have a good reason to be depressed. I don't even know if I am. I've never been diagnosed. But my brain seems to think life is crashing down around me. Except it isn't. My life is great. My parents have no issues, they aren't abusive, we live in a middle class suburban area and I go to private school. I have all I could want in life. So why. I'm f*cking 13 years old for Christ's sake why would I have any reason to be like this! Why is the idea of suicide lingering in the back of my head, even when I think i'm happy. I've considered cutting because it might be enough to make the thoughts go away but I know it's not true. I know cutting is stupid, at least in my situation. I don't know. 2 years ago I thought I might've been depressed but my mom wouldn't let me go to therapy and said I was just hormonal and lonely because I was having a hard time getting adjusted to middle school. But now it's back, but way worse that before. I never considered suicide this often. I know I won't in this situation, because I could never do that to my baby brothers but who knows what will set me off. I want it to stop. Maybe it will. If I give it time. Which I will. I know my issue isn't as pressing as many others but hey, might as well let it all out where no one will find it because the few friends I have think i'm cheery, and always joking around. I don't want to scare them or burden them with my problems. Besides how do you bring that up in casual conversation. ",0.8801643335362144,2.7634144905660385,2.696808683302901,93.99853621424226,81.76729559748428,5.612659768715765,20.9498884155001,6.6834051587181325,0.22178360722256008,1160,34,266,12,31,385,154,318,0.16,0.7390000000000001,0.101,-0.9691,1,2,0,0,0,2,36.0,1,1,3,0,14,18,3,1,7,0,41,6,2,4,6,61,69,20,2,10,13,3,2,1,1,9,4,1,0,0,19,9,0,1,19,2,0,4,16,9,1,1,7,3,43,9,32,46,5,38,1,3,0,0,14,18,0,7,15,180,62,3,0.0,0.09790363182378296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324695348112446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875519620818207,0.0,0.0,0.05619157418815967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711732911446046,0.0,0.0,0.07763407570205202,0.12707550955696406,0.0,0.20148314579940985,0.0,0.07031247031144254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224296664296236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319474626576297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233905883172945,0.08386821913802736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537939603929888,0.0,0.10915333318317376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552278091951536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384012008462846,0.0,0.04317102631477157,0.07926670591446326,0.14088245378559913,0.06930654384587055,0.0,0.09110041904360013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879617048029243,0.0740206985951416,0.0,0.08480273290731749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327977778917294,0.0,0.17248954989349574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632924989219539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899057128298972,0.17509309955278235,0.04036908895182758,0.0,0.07296424622778222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055156501041629266,0.0837743586254637,0.0830134445303017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629737106553212,0.0,0.09677584407421064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191189209097631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670681083388528,0.0,0.05599256595936238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175139267965188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790662299465575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991583419935047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860052862790876,0.0,0.08272754649011009,0.16725295685074024,0.0,0.07522370470914548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576029037137504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908279876959703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807687132019147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944951791921222,0.0,0.0,0.15883886566700314,0.0,0.13119877572586106,0.09636501923861236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621283108436672,0.06558824554602788,0.0,0.0,0.07429474390676462,0.0,0.2982446991348315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420753982152812,0.058698337112495176,0.0,0.0,0.10642266696962437
suicidewatch,Garfalo,2018/01/10,I can't get better Fighting with my own head since I was 14. 20 now. My head is sick and I can't get better. I can't work full time. I can't pay my bills. Im pushing people away and there's nothing I can do. There is no way for me to get better. Sometimes I really want to die and sometimes I don't. I'm just scared that I'm going to get frantic and do something in the heat of the moment. It's only a matter of time I think,-0.3727272727272712,0.9307693030303064,2.5262626262626284,96.5427272727273,83.24242424242425,4.8040404040404034,18.070707070707073,5.033348758259628,-0.6647898989898988,327,7,83,1,9,116,58,99,0.208,0.703,0.08900000000000001,-0.9228,0,0,1,0,3,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,5,6,1,2,3,0,11,3,2,0,0,9,20,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,13,3,9,19,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,49,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689344171041346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770735354507666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866110812008076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757665484039721,0.0,0.10218835391222966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36906732315630897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422221006896492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252948384728944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675118159707786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465540243562825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151888468599426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800179846076604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873805150759511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842406709312854,0.3556670659625658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521294372469253,0.0,0.0,0.20969359404472693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605471531676007,0.14272227665496892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309014993476827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pururinmoon,2018/01/10,"what actually happens? what really happens when you tell a doctor or someone about severe suicidal thoughts amd depression? 

what goes on and how do you get sent to a hospital or rehab? 

what's the difference for a minor and adult when this happens?
 
do they just moniter you for a couple hours and then let you go home and continue to be a sad sack of shit? 


someone at school reported me after i posted suicidal shit on media (i deleted all evidence after a bit), the school therapist called my mother, i brushed it off, and nothing happened after that. 


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suicidewatch,Blackdog57,2018/01/10,"I'm done for. Basically the past 3-4 years of my life have really been hell. I've been diagnosed with bp disorder in the last year which makes alot of sense after alot of the things I've experienced in my life. Because of this illness I've literally lost everything. I'm 26m and up until a couple years ago I was quite functional. The disorder got worse and its really just destroyed my life. I have no interests to do anything other than sleeping, drinking, hooking up with girls and making bad decisions. It's really sad for me to think about because at one time I had tons of hobbies, a great future, and a prefect girl. Everything is gone now. I was forced to move back home which isn't going so well. My mom is furious about me sleeping during the day and is irrate I don't currently have a job. I am quite talented I've never not been able to find work and make good money. It's really the illness that's holding me back I absolutely hate it. She's threatening to kick me out of the house ""sooner than I think"" is what she said. In the past couple years I've tied probably 100 nouses and have been very close to ending it. I'm tired of battling life and my family was the only thing holding me back. Now I could really care less and the thought of peace is very appealing. I may do it soon like tomorrow. I've obsessed over this so much I probably have 20 spots picked out just at home. I might wait till they leave for work and just get it over with. ",2.593118503118504,4.484057729729732,4.1581081081081095,85.52826403326405,76.43243243243244,8.067359667359668,23.884615384615394,8.841846274778883,1.7201630977130984,1152,37,238,26,26,384,158,296,0.17800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.9829,2,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,5,14,16,5,1,16,0,27,11,2,4,1,38,45,14,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,2,8,1,2,2,16,16,1,3,5,1,1,3,5,9,1,1,14,2,25,7,38,28,5,39,1,2,0,0,7,12,1,4,25,151,41,3,0.09557160079842622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471845764738471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864728422896884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204659851934135,0.07979829463825364,0.11651912156638612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744161652729376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630614650560802,0.2114963169651184,0.0,0.061635776073719034,0.0,0.0,0.09700316304401026,0.0,0.0,0.2190666689003704,0.0,0.0,0.09780292936785354,0.0,0.09362378429403154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464807115340714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717871846104629,0.0,0.09009639957810447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735071170422765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993221684482213,0.0,0.05431554318215031,0.08016092438583232,0.07643733979038764,0.10536802727765482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435716953881854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917322160656877,0.0,0.0,0.11027679563263637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484006685251367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790361042235525,0.0,0.10119652579575868,0.0,0.0,0.2700201921277957,0.04669145664208733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432769200119538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138435697577624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138636539229168,0.0,0.11193230377293034,0.0,0.10157748673624124,0.07025612319617087,0.0,0.07371071033804667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476179011348303,0.07268650902847383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246781422827715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060847002076017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330432317999966,0.0,0.0,0.3061280736108689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909104780356704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912812429310836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698704978388506,0.12247684555905672,0.0,0.07587317558254746,0.0557285689920169,0.1098454959673621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771315945287834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593034680562534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915452726705235,0.0,0.09739562612387677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461799099046826
suicidewatch,Setsalad,2018/01/10,"Why would I continue?? (before posting i am going to add a disturbing warning here)

I dont know if im posting this because I want attention, or, relief, or somewhere to pour the overflow of emotion I have right now... but I cannot think of a reason to stay alive.
I am so far in debt, my business is failing, I hate myself, I have lost my passion, I just.. i hate getting up in the morning. I want to die. It's so so so much, and I keep not fixing myself. I dont ... i dont even have time to explain every fucking problem i have right now but. ...
my business has been going up and down so hard for 3 years, we see a glimmer of hope and then get slammed down to scrape the ground with our faces. fuck you, says the fucking world, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. 
Everything keeps telling me I should have died when i was 11, i should have ended it like i tried to. it was meant to be. i am borrowing time from this world and i just.... if life hates me so much why hasnt it just fucking killed me???? Why won't it just kill me?? I feel like i deserve to be beaten to near death over and over but i guess thats what life is doing. and its not life its me. its fucking me. fuck. it's all me. magically become normal, magically FIX MYSELF. i've tried many things but it never works, therapy, pills, meditation, but i guess ive half assed it allbecause nothing ever worked.
nothing ever works.
nothing ever changes
no, it changes, it just GETS WORSE.
I am dying inside and i just cant wait for it to eat its way out of my soul and dissolve my physical body so i can just STOP.",-0.09902439024390476,2.1157713483483502,1.8934768915256728,95.9533816743573,89.27027027027027,4.570101809126199,20.13396323152421,6.088129875631209,-0.030132879220684305,1221,40,276,11,41,404,164,333,0.219,0.701,0.08,-0.9958,1,0,0,0,0,2,63.0,2,1,0,6,23,21,12,1,7,0,31,16,3,1,5,62,60,32,6,10,18,0,2,2,0,4,5,1,0,0,20,18,1,4,7,0,2,2,11,16,0,1,5,4,48,5,36,49,3,45,1,2,1,8,6,24,7,7,17,196,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048766704580875855,0.08835271303218267,0.06807333594926958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886095784179134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925686583009542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490792849836768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28127502365542884,0.0,0.0,0.08185904395596748,0.0,0.08998821206509762,0.07085545142781145,0.0,0.0,0.05283864645096621,0.217091279016061,0.06740268620279657,0.0,0.07189802643599401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404499451352212,0.05715136803878908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437472344583149,0.12538867278804516,0.0,0.09093065628733207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625604028029238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166347392358206,0.2369476262846099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945715007650278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641274837598427,0.0,0.0,0.14221373922674305,0.17701428715206885,0.0,0.0439654093673253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951717576499012,0.07816703187959223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873284602051896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110652396915878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761707636813068,0.0,0.06170023232545594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838212574486257,0.2302838620234075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323403464464327,0.0,0.0,0.07654832790760732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225239145573314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663757666466075,0.0,0.06361848969879233,0.0,0.0,0.06374891962026114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526838894238079,0.0,0.06688282388783112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992273340312652,0.0,0.09148593485962236,0.0,0.05314784268159296,0.0512601885860692,0.0,0.0,0.0932962289524386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086282657657762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437107553765024,0.06349955638880947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165602151655972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747208775116991,0.0,0.08152591030213763,0.05682906039602045,0.0,0.0,0.051516793032241874
suicidewatch,IDKUN,2018/01/10,"IDK Why My Brain Is Trynna Kill Me I dont know, I came home from dialysis and there was a check needing to be sent into the bank. I was mad because my dad could not dribe me there because the dialysis day that he dosnt dribe. 

I tryed to take pics of the check for edeposit and it wont take pics for some reason or other. I kept getting madder til I just tore up the check and thought to kill myself. I called crisis line and said ""help, my brain is trynna kill me again!"" I told them about the check and other things not working today and that I did tear up said check. I wanted to call delivery tonight for somthing to eat.

I cant stand peares that are in the fruitbowl, so I nearly also threw them out. I just wanned something to order, not pares. Pares taste like chlorinated swimming pool water to me. I tryed it out a couple times. So that just added to the problem. And the pics dont do good on the laptop that i HAD. I did end up smashing it. I was so mad, I thought, so you broke the laptop, why not just kill yourself.

Then I called crisis line. Wondered if I should have gone to the hospital. I hope I can get over this one and feel less bad in a bit or so. Yea, I am going to look for counseling.",0.8858473797119224,2.9671316653386484,2.2315737051792834,96.25786009806929,82.9442231075697,4.817713760343242,18.817192767391973,5.873414542411696,-0.3456976402083973,932,23,210,6,26,299,135,251,0.19,0.789,0.021,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,0,3,29.0,0,1,2,1,14,13,7,0,14,1,20,5,2,1,0,37,42,19,4,7,11,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,12,12,3,1,6,2,6,6,8,10,0,1,16,5,34,3,29,22,3,27,0,1,1,0,13,11,0,6,9,141,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133310452250104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535996216402304,0.1392418105465286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246869327498311,0.0,0.0,0.25499061243239224,0.3498612736196144,0.13062496855142286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118680138020084,0.12637037467437093,0.0,0.07365552485782638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677048059183291,0.0,0.0,0.1168645860736164,0.0,0.0,0.10115550587940596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774763381637945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193392498091169,0.0,0.06490775481165803,0.09579330925703318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655206002215062,0.0,0.11456120054026506,0.11343556564470225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054225018379231,0.0,0.06276642285284119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579687584749633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590701465422616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468471967189667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739115081208325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928283819637556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742614152945505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172783211745213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792386864975238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174230106342347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587555797782146,0.0,0.0,0.1813387914018796,0.0665963383631801,0.0,0.10825702500927016,0.10913184293323262,0.0,0.15508118225080725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736358102326398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611218734286935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385507139284865,0.08314570201840737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway678986,2018/01/10,I can't even kill myself properly. What the actual fuck. I've made three attempts in the past month or so and each has failed miserably. I'm honestly in awe at how pathetic I am. The first try was by drinking bleach but I just coughed it all put from the taste and had a sore throat for a bit. The second was when I tried to hang myself but the rope broke. The third was when I tried to run in front of a bus but slipped on the ice instead and sprained my ankle.,0.8201020408163231,2.8395369285714334,2.0789387755102027,97.61248979591835,82.77551020408163,5.960816326530613,20.004081632653055,7.1686216300943375,0.2046824489795922,361,10,86,5,10,115,71,98,0.159,0.797,0.044,-0.8855,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,2,1,11,0,7,6,1,2,1,12,10,11,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,5,0,4,5,1,8,1,11,5,3,14,0,3,0,1,0,5,1,1,5,59,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.26132054527408144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923529984000829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623283708200855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687015308102969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277786678097553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475638778293324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29626557613630217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533856247137061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137442613470528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556320746621296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691989320001645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454274272359303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,balunite,2018/01/10,"I don’t know where my life is going I want to make music but nobody seems to be into what I’m making. I’m not going to school. I work a dead end job. I’m on probation. None of my friends want anything to do with me anymore. My parents think I’m a failure. I feel so alone and helpless. I’ve always numbed my depression with drug use. But since probation I can’t use anymore and have been forced to deal with myself. I feel like a failure. I want to die. I think about killing myself everyday but I’m too much of a coward to go through with I️t. The friends that I am rarely around are also depressed, so I don’t want to weigh them down. I try to be a light for other people. To some I appear to have I️t all together. I’m a mess and I just want the monotony and mediocrity of my existence to end. I have nobody to talk to. ",-0.2384261501210645,1.8828799435028247,1.8971428571428568,96.47322033898304,88.54802259887006,4.727360774818402,19.728006456820022,6.18269132825596,-0.060036642453591416,638,20,147,6,21,213,95,177,0.324,0.625,0.051,-0.9963,2,1,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,1,0,8,0,13,4,0,4,1,33,38,10,3,5,5,1,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,10,1,0,6,0,0,4,5,6,0,0,1,3,23,3,28,35,4,12,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,3,4,93,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794441158844387,0.0,0.11423315001152308,0.11885854042621813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833278495188797,0.0,0.0,0.11754932053733275,0.12716239625731318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726699375665248,0.2460644971058585,0.0,0.14825062921715262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565492964609915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530366648112108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445351772602455,0.10204854578244194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207234918192392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354643360944586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417516895532143,0.0,0.15803690450877755,0.0,0.07850391416037851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089569661291338,0.06978688529405129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070038543632492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500756162480536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861254446799813,0.0,0.0,0.0990307849216796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445668358872526,0.0,0.13004078586452872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816291713569906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481345552757916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830587046732373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969824252040858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467445517200484,0.0,0.0,0.4212686132030093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399291145459946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReadyToEndEverything,2018/01/10,"im so alone im so alone my thoughts keep me up, i just want to die ",-6.096666666666668,-6.042835666666669,-2.0349999999999984,117.66750000000002,127.88888888888887,1.8,10.055555555555557,3.1291,-2.6720444444444444,50,1,18,0,4,18,13,18,0.408,0.529,0.063,-0.8012,0,2,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6029281415344543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020880457582395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6288180477283037,0.0,0.0,0.25871925017245484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310796219047816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716825254284408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostAndAlone1979,2018/01/10,"I've set a date to end it, just waiting now 39/M My health is poor, my body is so messed up I need at least 3 corrective surgeries just to start fixing the issues, major dental problems as well. Ive had severe depression and anxiety my whole life, in the process of divorce (her choice, not mine but who can blame her). I have so much debt from being separated and medical bills that I have destroyed my credit and have none left. I will be shot out of luck in 90 days and unable to pay rent anymore, I only have 1 friend in the world and he is 1500 miles away. I've decided to finally end things, I've wanted to for a long while but I was always scared and hanging on for my mom and dad. I lost my dad last summer and I just can't keep trying.
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suicidewatch,jlslf,2018/01/10,"not even suicidal but i feel so fucking shitty and like attention-seeking and 'crying wolf' when i say i want to die or kill myself b/c i and my drs know that i'm not actually a suicide risk, like i am fairly certain i couldn't do it to my parents, or would be unwilling, at least with how things are now. but i still feel like i want to die and then i feel guilty about it because i don't want to die enough to like.... actually kill myself so i'm just like fucking faking and then feeling sorry for myself and like i'm belittling the seriousness of actual suicide or the condition of being an actual risk.
also side note i turn 21 in less than a month and i don't think i want to get to 21, i don't want to be that old and have fucked up as much as i have, i don't want to be an actual adult with all of my problems and fuck ups instead of like a whiny angsty kid. i don't want to deal with everything i've fucked up in the past five years for another seven fucking decades, i want to die while i might still have some potential left before i destroy it all.",3.3167547723935407,3.691299207048459,5.023013215859031,86.00418208516888,72.34801762114537,8.520293685756242,26.146549192364173,8.648137234880735,1.568905668135096,828,25,188,14,15,283,113,227,0.278,0.534,0.188,-0.9917,1,0,0,0,0,8,16.0,0,0,0,0,12,22,9,2,8,0,18,7,0,1,3,43,43,24,9,11,8,1,4,7,0,2,1,1,0,2,6,12,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,14,0,2,0,5,26,8,30,36,7,19,0,0,0,6,5,8,6,5,18,127,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.39964381914892616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065500463230149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588592949498547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049929339090599656,0.0,0.0696962549110253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997025847051765,0.0,0.0844418306647341,0.0,0.0,0.3400233605360626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846311347638139,0.0,0.05409835908357005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361212886374552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565720765512829,0.05851389916183485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454326498585546,0.042792677336999256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812344394204233,0.0,0.045013577427970346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899146817938931,0.0,0.0,0.2801070722099473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688967353656259,0.0,0.0,0.06537685189376095,0.0,0.060210577475972235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594691615346453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094728750558392,0.0,0.07818886074019653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837329698132117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513520181243658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916874316743778,0.0,0.0,0.13082100332164054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687766962130545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054414926782314084,0.052482269609122084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909056802605486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38648380868546334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818390746513125,0.0,0.0,0.05274499169615306
suicidewatch,cheesy09,2018/01/10,I haven’t felt this way in awhile. So I just.... I feel very fake again. And i haven’t wanted to cut myself in over ten years. But I want to.... so I can feel it. I don’t know. I thought to write this post and then I can’t even think straight. ,-3.045535353535353,-1.5061165636363611,-0.9775757575757568,112.95585858585859,105.54545454545456,2.4444444444444446,9.747474747474747,3.1291,-2.532676767676768,179,2,53,0,9,57,36,55,0.118,0.8140000000000001,0.069,-0.5095,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,13,6,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,3,10,0,6,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371327371650101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630678244943608,0.0,0.3447204635784858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973108428038353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438468668557064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300488306090385,0.0,0.2850258795886925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962333634425368,0.4235246917654477,0.28497746680956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120043684380656
suicidewatch,unsterilepiss,2018/01/10,"Hm, Maybe I should kill myself. ",0.41000000000000014,2.7873866666666665,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,99.0,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.5968,24,0,5,0,1,7,6,6,0.54,0.46,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7403196436255504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6722550299269899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Little_Gypsy_,2018/01/10,"I feel so stuck and pressured. I’m getting to that point again. Too much is going on at once in my life and I (21f) am so overwhelmed in every way. 

1. Currently in the process of selling and buying a house for my mother and grandfather. I have to do all the paperwork, lawyer talk, etc... because my mother doesn’t comprehend anything and my grandfather is no better. 

2. My grandfathers cancer came back,went through months almost a year now of health issues staying in the hospital and going to see him all day every day. Now that he’s home again he needs help and can’t be left alone. In result my mom has to work to pay the bills and I’m stuck home watching him and cannot work and haven’t been able to work. 

3. My late period ended up not being from stress and I’m pregnant! Totally terrified and not in any shape to keep it want to terminate. My boyfriend (24m)wants me to keep it but he says it’s the smart thing to do to abort. But keeps saying how much it’s going to hurt him and probably our relationship and how do you love someone so much and kill their kid. But tells me to do what I think is right don’t make him pressure me into having it and then I’ll resent him for the rest of my life. I already made an appointment to terminate and he knows but still says he hopes he changes his mind and keeps bringing it up and arguing about it. He is currently unemployed with over 1000 in tickets plus he has to fix his car which isn’t even driving at the moment. He still wants to keep it and thinks that everything would be fine but a kid is a LOT of money and they need love and attention ... I just don’t want to bring someone into the world and know that I could be giving them a better life and that they deserve a better one. Meanwhile he says you’re my best friend I love you no matter what but really it’s like he cares more about the pregnancy than me and my feelings/mental health/ stress. 

All of this just makes me want to be done. I can’t take all of this anymore. I’m making myself sick I just can’t take it. My boyfriend is well aware of everything that’s happening but still. I don’t know what to do anymore and ending everything is just looking better and better and better. I don’t even know why I’m even trying to reach out anymore. ",2.934316152005138,4.43981245788337,3.8427540715661657,89.79987449652675,74.52915766738661,7.1652326192283,23.96059774677485,7.824948511530503,1.055898768314751,1780,53,381,25,37,571,216,463,0.083,0.747,0.17,0.9927,6,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,2,4,10,23,26,3,5,16,0,37,10,0,7,5,85,84,42,1,9,13,3,1,1,1,1,7,4,2,2,23,34,0,5,8,1,5,8,15,9,1,1,6,8,44,17,52,71,13,50,0,2,3,3,44,21,0,3,20,247,67,6,0.07050429524923939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059986736776494,0.07302118689528639,0.07780324300789941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794533846478488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097639474539003,0.0,0.0,0.05801902763484292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421345107624211,0.0,0.042978763986727016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398990809472843,0.3741319180630287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063813120656389,0.07188382787155964,0.0,0.07458419583776335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562919427697992,0.0,0.0,0.090938875521881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215037260844122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489175761460547,0.0,0.07863092617166975,0.13970226621083293,0.0,0.11880581914560805,0.0,0.1900941432804448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035649090095058164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447144361609614,0.0,0.036835584310254174,0.06763414442406415,0.12020764728679308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234671544489163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988553784092146,0.0,0.0,0.04725754293880514,0.0,0.14144311340768922,0.07002667351722514,0.0,0.08135249062974216,0.07547630626882909,0.0,0.0,0.07358816664923289,0.0,0.31333728547105144,0.07800255661288785,0.0,0.15498926728947934,0.0,0.07953191599208466,0.0,0.07660312308108233,0.0,0.14939780638278227,0.034444837349266136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920585104885824,0.0,0.0,0.05994023056344595,0.1908986374017233,0.06671286888737188,0.1411864936610767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118923968641491,0.08257377847817933,0.05627585581773045,0.0,0.1554863080091257,0.10455608314125947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508477342916538,0.047775535126387325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664934801269712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601555497868671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516685690232155,0.0,0.0,0.07569522760176098,0.0,0.060210282913926015,0.0,0.2242713816695885,0.0,0.0,0.056182795091766005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947612113918933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514819784070816,0.16891446378046054,0.0,0.1615248639977109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602091131924476,0.05666868186610085,0.06162386165044075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683992093883773,0.0903526111140897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047867788450745706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079263002065154,0.05596302786403065,0.0,0.0,0.06339182865453383,0.06535818804835301,0.06361916022082416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398389993064995,0.0,0.0,0.05008422847800621,0.0,0.0,0.04540245456639015
suicidewatch,SarcasticFuckTwat,2018/01/10,"I'm back Still kicking, but still not doing so hot. I posted here a couple of months ago explaining that I was having suicidal thoughts for the first time ever. It isn't me. But I still have them. I don't want to kill myself, but I want to be dead. If that makes sense. I'm still not sure what the root of my depression is, and I still am holding back from telling anyone (including a therapist), however I've told myself I should probably about a thousand times. I changed my living location in hopes that it was my ever-deteriorating relationship with my roommates that was setting me off so bad. No such luck. In fact, it was so opposite that I dissolved my relationship with my sister (who also lived with me) in doing so. It was a whole big thing. Anyway, I still find myself having extraordinarily off days. I'd say it's split half and half now, between when I have moderately okay days and days where I just don't want to exist. Today is one of the latter. I really wish I knew why I lost motivation. I just don't feel the need to even get out of bed anymore. All I wanna do is sleep. I know my relationships are starving because of this behavior too, which unfortunately also doesn't help with the motivation issue. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I really can't afford to go to a therapist, if even for one sit-down. And I'm sure as hell not telling anyone in my life that I've been *drastically* different from myself lately. 

Last time I posted here, I had a short chat with a redditor. It was actually very short, but it helped to get the words out of the solitude that is my mind. So here I am. I guess that's all I had to say really. I'll just leave this here now.",2.885752100840336,4.538372255882353,4.72865546218488,82.78823529411768,74.97058823529412,8.033613445378151,23.907563025210084,8.738905477910976,1.582550420168067,1317,40,274,27,28,449,165,340,0.162,0.7659999999999999,0.073,-0.9848,3,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,0,1,4,34,10,2,0,14,1,33,2,1,4,6,54,55,19,3,10,13,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,22,11,0,1,9,1,0,1,11,5,0,6,13,4,42,5,36,40,3,40,1,2,0,0,15,12,1,5,24,203,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.08857237388629383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045663043794649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516755272985404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002659705487944,0.12692831566884225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958351609494732,0.07578398001544043,0.05532876874270085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601606329680257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042841598860612,0.0,0.17560542277432467,0.0,0.07817472610830672,0.0,0.0,0.09482885068496956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989726495931025,0.16420210299859822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589290335027588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295646692873435,0.07720364010188133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948406764993857,0.0,0.051583157982308905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998655615533204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167412098760652,0.0,0.0,0.09014893090112384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473382380173002,0.0,0.0,0.10041669456819956,0.0,0.0997628192624217,0.07398460934713066,0.10238551739061004,0.09610575668695284,0.0,0.0,0.06410915464028169,0.0,0.0,0.16029219277890666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990794071667475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060585539870953976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164556199882253,0.0,0.07244679752303647,0.0,0.0,0.06730020605701803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300779684511196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385325785760133,0.0,0.09785872538267262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443683916701114,0.0,0.0,0.29233905452916303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435803011732473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082934639977093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349045173422233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928086330974537,0.0,0.17108761069491085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866311983017445,0.0,0.0,0.21076752989336114,0.06029943425901446,0.0,0.0,0.072056317094518,0.15877530132412848,0.0,0.08603346764884505,0.08672869846230415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488963879698816,0.16060451877868592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190021017239754,0.10133453896024892,0.1043738882209829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Leohond15,2018/01/10,"--- I don't want support. I just want somewhere to say this. I can't deal with this anymore. I can't keep failing at everything important to me. My mother is the only thing keeping me alive. I can't be almost 30 and still living like a fucking teenager. In a sick way I almost hope she dies so I can and not feel guilty. 

The job was all I had. All I had. It was everything to me. Everything that kept me going for 18 fucking months. And now it's gone. And I'm back to sobbing and screaming every night again and wondering what's wrong with me and why I can't keep or get a job or gf no matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I work or how kind or smart or moral I am. It doesn't matter. It's all just broken. I'm broken. I miss the person I was. I've wasted my 20s in a mix of other people's problems and depression and loss and pain. I don't want to keep going. I just want it all to stop. That's all I fucking want. For it to stop. 

Also I'm a fucking bitch to anyone who tries to help me, so probably won't respond well to comments. I'm fine if this is left blank.  ",-0.30483050847457704,1.5447702457627166,2.2916000000000025,95.44662033898304,85.94915254237291,4.962440677966102,18.762033898305088,6.152001189255117,-0.2155303050847457,822,22,195,7,25,284,118,236,0.247,0.638,0.116,-0.9804,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,14,21,5,0,8,0,18,6,0,3,5,51,45,22,1,8,10,1,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,15,12,0,7,2,0,0,3,11,14,1,0,7,5,27,7,18,36,5,16,1,5,0,4,10,4,6,10,9,124,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643748840372146,0.0,0.0,0.08642533674877756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071786289816314,0.07556662779215441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310088691467853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141774105078024,0.093082467839446,0.0,0.11216192980774954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910555290765422,0.0,0.2913851007506444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464457520762507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996442029850715,0.056463288453960585,0.0,0.12283989680483533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362301122366865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724385489885221,0.0,0.0,0.10734012613921592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449005832560733,0.384238314428104,0.0,0.11254061447357633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742081240170105,0.0,0.0,0.0527986408636923,0.0,0.09542977393093444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626223635457475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141848264016984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219381364021527,0.11499649029272944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749236883907042,0.0943645173957156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652016082054305,0.10341054474565774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594338838581388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630663592529841,0.1807064750184089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263910499465334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717983986586055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674792310517135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187190561941781,0.08578271918885147,0.0,0.0,0.09716992886002873,0.0,0.09751839320619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719974163950282,0.07867788283036012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181600364488897,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bustathrowaway97,2018/01/10,"How do I kill myself instantly besides a gun? I plan to do it, but painless as possible and quickly as possible. I don’t have access to a gun.


All my friends and family don’t care about me, I don’t have anyone. I’m alone and tired, living just to live.

I’m stressed out constantly and I’m not living like this. So please help me one time here.
",0.3594863013698628,2.4625107534246595,2.6783390410958923,92.11285102739728,85.3013698630137,6.389726027397263,21.453767123287676,7.6454224807358475,0.8874123287671236,267,9,60,5,8,91,47,73,0.226,0.561,0.213,0.2124,0,1,0,2,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,10,11,9,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,8,3,7,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183095527689286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430118333561056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853153138729866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102380851522865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928122792507401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801904114563073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709186183348754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262816695248013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999228184350868,0.0,0.5418100817265225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859453228554214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451205264906,0.0,0.4611527260260853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342879354362698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119262839103997,0.23507665724793506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dr_Hush,2018/01/10,"Just here to find some(s) to talk to Look, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to write about this. I am not suicidal right now, which is a weird feeling. I have been in the past and I know that it will be back. It's not like walls closing in, I don't feel that suffocation until those kinds of thoughts are already here, so if you respond, you aren't offering to talk me off of a ledge. I am not suicidal at this moment, but I am not happy or joyful. Life just hurts. And before you ask, no, nothing happened recently to trigger this. I have a lot of shit from the past, but nothing recent that is of any crazy note. It feels like i forgot how to enjoy things. I am a 19-year-old college student and i struggle to have real moments where i desire more of life. If you want to talk, that is fine, whether it is about this, or anything else. I just need to talk to somebody.",2.9766513377926422,3.7428073423913055,3.974565217391305,91.77645484949836,73.40217391304348,6.748494983277593,26.11036789297659,6.67199483983844,0.8134795986622065,677,22,155,5,13,219,102,184,0.165,0.745,0.09,-0.9464,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,4,0,0,12,11,1,1,6,0,19,3,1,2,0,35,32,13,2,5,14,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,17,4,0,1,8,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,5,19,7,25,27,2,17,0,1,1,0,13,8,1,5,11,113,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491081009288069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918861231291748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111921135149732,0.0,0.12631880846236174,0.0,0.0,0.10389881478275276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114977029882089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287528624431928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049619495953801,0.0965296390894536,0.0,0.0,0.12349708380461295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948602628546776,0.1438375798319726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464858093027652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070651821962596,0.2227749874211715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087827474753216,0.13202545511963432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346663291236772,0.0,0.0,0.1148740541270602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018964759711088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593022570536767,0.0,0.14178554011927355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579743485284444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379595686081446,0.0,0.0,0.2668290776061583,0.0,0.0,0.11539160315939752,0.0,0.10745271829490684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869857172991554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125659208223218,0.0,0.29559834333086904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43441682935170745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897676162179569,0.0,0.0,0.10727005814408808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969718114140488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701274543547657
suicidewatch,Life-is-Apples,2018/01/10,"Please help me I'm so tired of repeating my story. I'm fucking exhausted. I attempted for help and I want all of you to know I tried to receive it. I went to a mental hospital. I reached out to countless people which there is an unfortunate truth behind. I actively see a therapist. None of it is enough. I'm sorry for the formatting issue, I don't know what to do anymore.",0.9505116959064316,3.363812092105264,3.6954385964912277,83.60862573099416,85.97368421052632,7.588304093567253,25.549707602339183,8.515128840125781,2.296779532163744,293,13,58,8,9,103,52,76,0.139,0.6679999999999999,0.193,0.2882,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,2,7,13,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,1,12,12,3,4,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,1,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850015579754914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589079232379113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316498346008838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33590634402463204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615321331308741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754157056243995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525177043495919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371511853550506,0.0,0.0,0.2750528798216006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967349255544392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28049490991796394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29093347801046626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879957258060844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012198281082533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779389486961045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228281279695065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpareDot,2018/01/10,"Good bye I’ve always been to much of a pussy to go through with it, but now I’m taking a route with no return. This is just goodbye, I can’t handle this life anymore. I always said I wouldn’t make it past 25. This is for my family if they ever find it. I want you to sell my stuff and use it to pay off bills. Sorry I’ve never been much of a help. Let my friend know I’m sorry for not completing college with her. I can’t handle being empty anymore.",0.4692555555555558,1.9394237700000008,2.9033333333333324,94.03722222222223,81.3,5.2444444444444445,17.11111111111111,5.82211442006289,-0.5334222222222227,347,6,82,2,9,120,64,100,0.098,0.7859999999999999,0.116,0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,16,18,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,6,0,0,0,3,1,11,2,13,12,2,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31871026345480913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798611914652461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079896404843586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323553160073465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805425156126024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504048225546467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796337304857615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884191653484787,0.16063299987813184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283679115335086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525117957265852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958362148073216,0.13527212236347194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278371959334993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815699024250056,0.0,0.14770753475543918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282194601210305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217383243905969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287688687333431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923790584637606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399482197534325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540675327733706,0.0,0.0,0.112960019715636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaNorris1221,2018/01/10,"I'm okay for periods of time, then it all comes back. It's so hard to feel happy and mildly okay for a little. I can go for about a week, maybe more, of life seeming worth it. It makes me question why I ever think about suicide. But then I'll realize that's not accurate. I'll see that everyone around me hates me, I'm hopeless in every aspect and I have no future or point of even being here. How do I deal with these back and forth shifts in mood? Is this just life? ",0.6673000000000009,2.584327130000002,2.4699999999999998,95.165,82.7,5.6000000000000005,18.0,6.742157984588678,-0.13819999999999988,363,8,84,4,10,120,71,100,0.14400000000000002,0.765,0.091,-0.7526,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,1,0,2,2,5,2,0,2,2,19,15,9,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,7,3,13,14,2,16,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,3,9,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864305248320225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220661234485786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039903667322887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590551723271686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383216600994118,0.18943474220440945,0.17644758291419207,0.20011228035332532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589036506122708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901969653277135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293426464764096,0.18760152553869053,0.20676147243045648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958427684042039,0.0,0.20989647449562845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397912196881804,0.0,0.2103931620435725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797205968899656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346012540310505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668827077090511,0.1906504805810348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290743468379742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418955364070187,0.0,0.0,0.12211600917608414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798618715108773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889713337060918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fireopal23,2018/01/10,"Every year gets harder I have posted here before.. the last six months, the last year, the last two years, have been the worst I've ever had. Each year I get older, my anger and bitterness grows. I am now 30 and can no longer connect with anyone. My instability has hindered me so much I cannot manage any sort of personal relationship. I thought it was an alcohol problem but really it is a me problem. Each day feels worse than the day before it. Each day I feel more alone. I wish I could connect. ",2.624545454545455,4.6724926666666695,3.9565656565656586,86.28818181818184,76.87878787878788,6.824242424242425,22.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9686444444444452,390,11,79,6,9,128,69,99,0.201,0.7609999999999999,0.038,-0.9309,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,7,0,11,1,0,0,1,16,17,4,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,4,3,12,0,3,12,6,16,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172625223869084,0.0,0.1664239664653534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927312661016812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123565558560339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734667459177506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282960301538921,0.0,0.0,0.3108907636345353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535119811543398,0.13538629336257632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624970293350106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790535209383614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929456961023056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825936607754046,0.0,0.11812392726985706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403062764526352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389437080528476,0.0,0.0,0.3075127999300425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294063679403984,0.0,0.0,0.17251842315364976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756806192138995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696850590059702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847828916663236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163754464853336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41391036752317695
suicidewatch,TerrifyXO,2018/01/10,"Losing my girlfriend and its all my fault We have had an argument over an instagram photo i liked i know i fucked up big and ive hurt her so badly she has very little trust in me and ive made her think i dont want her even tho she is amazing and ive complimented her everyday on her amazing body, its like when she talks everything is silent but she cant seem to trust me anymore and its killing me because i have never intended to hurt her like that im now known to her as the boyfriend who made her insecure about her body even tho i love it, i feel like whats the point now im over my job and this same shit different day bullshit routine life seems so pointless i feel what ever i touch i break and i cant seem to please her and i dont think i can get her to be trusting in me ",-0.007928396572825847,2.02308987790698,1.9358751529987792,97.30704406364752,86.26744186046511,5.4815177478580175,20.099143206854343,6.8360192770164,0.13859999999999986,617,19,149,8,19,204,95,172,0.204,0.63,0.165,-0.8307,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,1,11,20,3,1,4,0,15,6,3,3,3,27,29,15,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,3,39,11,13,25,2,17,0,3,0,2,20,9,2,3,11,99,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310415344384314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032646497281072,0.08054772876057234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29354242371555017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521557159705721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380520246017115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097203923214687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745466706838843,0.11952286988124496,0.0,0.0,0.11875362056057333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362195527189807,0.0943966366119658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215585813652048,0.06903462032262822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28290460130817274,0.0,0.2854550323818235,0.0,0.13112271836204076,0.0,0.14618681855593646,0.0,0.07261745280930036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333023156630843,0.25821621272008144,0.13243309393903294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782427366683235,0.0,0.0,0.11925619569504538,0.25005698486997696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190997362909904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450435767649828,0.12490944615004845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608698011481247,0.0,0.0,0.13563376800833765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620439474665916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933240832785967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902448129379028,0.07793612322772224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,f0rsaken_,2018/01/10,"my mind is still there... I'm just losing other things... I'm still able to reason and rationalize right from wrong.  I'm still able to communicate and articulate what I'm thinking and feeling well.  I'm just losing the belief that things will get better.  I'm losing faith that that spiritual being that's supposed to be looking out for me is looking out for me.  I'm losing the strength to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.  I'm losing the will to fight.  I'm losing the desire to meet others, have experiences and create memories.  I'm losing the patience to wait out this storm.  I no longer want to reach out to friends for help; they've seen me fall and pull through too many times.  These are the pillars of life and they're crumbling right before my eyes and I'm losing the desire to do anything about it.  ",3.757065527065528,5.489493604938276,4.49345679012346,85.04209401709404,72.82716049382717,6.4660968660968665,23.57264957264957,7.010146845296331,0.8230136752136756,652,18,126,6,13,209,89,162,0.159,0.685,0.156,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,10,9,15,1,0,7,0,9,2,1,2,0,25,30,8,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,10,1,0,1,5,8,5,23,25,0,15,2,8,4,0,4,8,0,0,4,76,20,0,0.19079761804790485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850509132139025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117736002508961,0.0,0.0,0.08437249407970157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331834082166543,0.0,0.0,0.048236504255998736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370488320492799,0.0,0.04984194027437706,0.0,0.054217341634728834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394381076816649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479484477098997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738300009157823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022194555221894,0.8538149218200757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671941891513264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632560197072444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980858643258293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294012331243726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285568363545813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675745942980454,0.0611277047874716,0.0,0.0,0.05562781271876659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626868926024009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577498624891551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104303621711758,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suuhhdooo,2018/01/10,"Suicidal boyfriend We've been together about a year, he has a lot of debt from his time in active addiction that he still hasn't had the money to make payments on, he feels shitty about getting in trouble at work, not having a degree at 27 years old, not being able to potentially do a coding camp my dad offered to pay for because of probation, an old arrest potentially landing him back in jail for a year, and so on.. I try to comfort him in every way possible, just listening, rubbing his back, holding him, telling him how we can handle things together and that I'll help him, actually helping him, telling him things he can do, giving him space, being there for company, trying to get him to meditate, everything... And he just gets frustrated at me for even trying to help, when I put him before everything else in my life, like school and finals and my research and myself. I've been depressed many times and am generally a pretty depressed person, so I do empathize and understand, but when he flat out tells me that he is done over and over again, tells me he is going to kill himself, not now but soon, he ""just knows it"" and that he will tell me when, I don't know how to take it.. And don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him because I love him so much and know he just needs help, I'm getting him set up with a therapist finally, he was waiting because he's broke but I'm just gonna have my parents pay for him. Hes been depressed for a really long time and says it's just getting worse.. I just need help with what to do in these situations.. He's really a happy guy a lot of the time, cute and loving and has more interests and love for life and learning than I've ever had. Sociable and always wanting to try new things, but when he gets into these dark places of absolutely giving up, with nothing capable of making him feel better, I don't know what to do or how to be there for him, and it consumes me because I love him so much and can see how real the pain is and how much he detests himself and how he has lived his life, and in his eyes he becomes the person that the people he has hurt see him as, all of his worst traits in his lowest moments, and I can do or say nothing and just wait as the pressure grows and he snaps in some way or another... And then at some point starts feeling better.

What can I do in these moments for him?",11.723625776397519,5.764594699792966,11.110247153209114,69.1748117236025,60.59420289855072,14.3110248447205,43.23097826086956,10.550175099000144,4.318933850931677,1852,63,388,27,16,611,211,483,0.111,0.753,0.136,0.9499,3,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,1,0,0,3,34,22,2,1,17,0,40,10,1,8,2,85,78,51,2,4,18,2,4,1,0,2,5,3,0,3,19,34,0,3,10,0,4,3,8,11,0,0,7,10,50,11,63,66,10,62,0,5,3,4,74,27,0,7,29,268,69,6,0.07270799241844933,0.0,0.07095251234640851,0.07926244383887178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060498874207983264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624066957738787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181591634651253,0.0,0.1772884693083991,0.08030026524932858,0.06186914635141861,0.0,0.0,0.1286086214835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878698619898364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440551991985812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073819797980309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802294326697782,0.06576854175361077,0.06125961948254295,0.0,0.13069051069457416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110290036792506,0.0,0.0,0.1592961035116377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792155076151946,0.1394962631036643,0.04132162764774757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199234362854891,0.0,0.07739900992906466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367317349691944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783540966641728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804406210257197,0.0,0.19979205577453904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406741582782474,0.03552145247309852,0.0,0.06420248937766254,0.06434428530323727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362747018350345,0.2624872074688063,0.0,0.09706629905225768,0.073714492341646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603462209491719,0.10782411019730694,0.0,0.07022183214991637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953055934180314,0.0,0.1525896144847413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773664302278531,0.0,0.08073362116990028,0.0,0.0,0.05040656715293952,0.1269716290035721,0.07596437696994157,0.0,0.0687325541354738,0.08196733687519499,0.0,0.07397016728467289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309161446279934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827576131774862,0.09315720347561687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564062771256135,0.0,0.07358437002192744,0.11587771284398404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817268298238008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146309125976166,0.0,0.05806469666611627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953074272108751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054667361677371684,0.0,0.3177499505410738,0.0,0.0,0.08441958316584575,0.14491187825348215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958646032553715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974558166966318,0.0,0.0,0.07569158429267865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577011545505597,0.11542444020657895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293228442864144,0.0,0.07409565589197045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046468987693478
suicidewatch,Aspileglu,2018/01/10,"How do I approach counseling? After weeks of hesitation, I took a leap of faith and scheduled an appointment with my university's counseling service.

I would describe my suicidal tendencies as ""passive suicidal ideation,"" meaning I constantly think about suicide and constantly wish I was dead, but I can't bring myself to go through with it because I'm too much of a coward.

How do I talk about this without being put on a list or committed or something?",9.957560975609756,9.143538048780492,9.673292682926833,62.22262195121951,58.75609756097561,13.565853658536588,48.54878048780488,12.602617957971056,6.513209756097561,368,23,57,11,4,120,61,82,0.201,0.706,0.093,-0.8753,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,2,1,15,13,8,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,0,10,1,13,9,1,11,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154201379468292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309243378220217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331394212321402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718651597287628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465694313495979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004349645065684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349475871314014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6542778557420722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602564865574824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775656263411542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215218266532353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599329996871277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292805867586372,0.19219807739379247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416359481731446,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gabriellacvfg,2018/01/10,"Woke up wanting to die  Well, I woke up and drove to the city I live to grab clothes because I'm staying at my, now dead, friend parents house trying to confort them and myself. If you want to know more about my friends death and how it is affecting me and averyone he loves i posted here https://redd.it/7pcl54 .

 So, when i arrived at my house i grabbed a knife and sat in my bed looking at some old photos i have with my friend. I called my local suicide hotline, they weren't helpful at all, they informed the local police but they didn't show up. Tomorrow morning I will be traveling to my friend's city because his family still needs help, thats the only thing keeping me away from killing myself.

 I've never thought that a friend's death would make such a huge impact in my life. I don't know what to do. ",7.331481481481483,6.00343211728395,6.875401234567902,81.83680555555556,64.24691358024691,9.58148148148148,35.064814814814824,8.07648339933343,2.5046888888888885,641,24,131,6,8,200,106,162,0.139,0.754,0.107,-0.8585,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,4,0,9,8,1,0,6,0,9,2,0,3,2,23,24,10,6,5,2,1,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,4,2,0,2,4,1,1,0,7,3,27,7,20,14,3,23,0,0,1,1,18,13,0,2,6,86,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841976883211055,0.0,0.0,0.17961990410084555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043864619278205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529034945283142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888799052463122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5691273184112166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750208110524564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399941089462684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095214461009344,0.1629969133448626,0.0,0.16193553946661932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040623211951812,0.0,0.0,0.1300935704396086,0.0,0.12371864964391592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329695248009344,0.0,0.09834277093825937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924205284726736,0.1136286520541762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459624659997984,0.0,0.0,0.11204979582412283,0.0,0.0,0.16359061983919418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109976696400622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570323438532102,0.11765655473814153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611532259978059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978783627854386,0.0,0.0,0.1169621976097642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000262312533906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379607340346911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324658171558986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465778307354948,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Swimmingindrydocks,2018/01/10,Just a rant for the void. I don't expect much any responses. I'm just feeling really lonely and a little useless and maybe typing it out and sending this into the void that is the internet will help. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I dropped out of college to enlist. I feel like my marriage isn't going to work. I have no friends. I just feel like I'm always stressed and tired and like I can't talk to anyone and I'm trapped in a shit job. I think about going for a swim in the dry dock a lot and I'm not sure why I haven't. I've failed at being an adult and I'm not good for much of anything. I'm fat. I'm queer and sometimes I wonder if the religious crazies are right and there's something wrong with me and I'm wondering more and more why I don't end things now. Quit while I'm only behind a little. Sorry for the rand and I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here but I'm sick and tired of being me and idk what to do about it. ,-0.1607065919862123,1.6798115355450245,2.07557302886687,97.26420831538134,85.30331753554502,4.784230934941836,17.647781128823787,5.852544927426893,-0.5264710900473935,738,17,178,5,22,249,110,211,0.166,0.7709999999999999,0.063,-0.9445,1,3,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,9,12,1,1,13,0,16,6,2,1,1,38,36,20,0,3,8,0,3,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,8,19,1,0,7,1,0,4,10,6,0,0,0,3,15,6,21,33,6,17,0,3,0,1,6,9,2,5,6,108,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135545967990041,0.0,0.0,0.09280479007168424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542352180143816,0.0,0.11230379953975372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087257821341918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701113570916208,0.1949894627461499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543696324943796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511894487449412,0.11446519064712912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914734673311497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542616201639165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500075541613357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001814576404586,0.27355908816044705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602255177267548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371032117193364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30096511226856115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037921553071439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451534415956485,0.0,0.0,0.08742665725671106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654527520100365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008526417576422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506185103619983,0.13497306172019086,0.30553566415587746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632678352740215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862206721229946,0.0,0.0,0.10969001977293988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066510257083503,0.08744494642613053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137061039145101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462872511857205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959934147708822,0.0993523316695276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920934205442987,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway453353,2018/01/10,"Best friend is starting to show a messed up past, and I want to know how I can help best. Hello r/SuicideWatch,



Over the past 2 months or so, my best friend has started to reveal more and more of her troubled past to me. I want to be there as much as I can for her while supporting her as well as I can. I don't care what it takes, I just want to be able to help her in any way possible. I don't know the full story yet, but from what I've gathered so far, here is a timeline of her life:

Following her birth, she was severely abused physically. Her birth mother had many boyfriends, attended many parties - which she brought my friend to - and maintained a filthy environment. Some of the boyfriends beat her, and at one point she had her leg broken as a result. She was eventually removed from the home and placed into a few foster care homes. At one home, her and her sisters fought all of the time, and her sisters made a few attempts on my friends life.

Around the 5th grade, my friend started to realize what kind of an upbringing she had been through. She never realized how horrendously wrong her upbringing was until that point, when she noticed how different everybody had it from her. This nearly drove her to suicide. She kept this to herself the entire time without anyone knowing, up until she told me recently.

Jumping to today, she suffers from PTSD, social anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. She hates herself, constantly worries about everything and everyone around her, and struggles to deal with the past she's suffered. Throughout the ninth grade, she had to deal with a teacher who triggered panic attacks for her whenever they spoke 1 on 1. She's almost 16, and still acts very similarly to how she did in grade 5, which I'm guessing seems to be her way to cope with her past.

r/SuicideWatch, my question is this: How can I provide the best for my best friend? I want to help her in any way that I possibly can, and I want to know what I can do right. Right now, I'm listening, re-assuring, never prying, and never over-concerning myself. I've read over the FAQs and taken everything from there into consideration, but they moreso deal with suicidal thoughts than what my friend is dealing with. She knows that I am always there for her if she needs me, and that I will never force her into a spot where she's being forced to tell me things. I want to know if there is anything else I should be watching for or doing in a scenario like this, or if I'm already doing as much as I can.

Thank you guys so so much for your time.",7.55739393939394,6.5331335878787895,7.245535353535358,78.38163636363637,63.62626262626264,10.505858585858586,34.749494949494945,9.592334608150935,3.016024646464647,2006,74,395,32,25,634,225,495,0.156,0.7090000000000001,0.135,-0.9705,1,0,0,0,1,3,64.0,0,2,2,7,24,32,4,3,21,0,36,3,1,8,5,73,74,43,2,11,10,3,0,1,7,2,2,2,3,1,19,25,0,1,13,2,0,7,7,13,1,2,19,3,76,19,73,48,15,64,0,3,1,0,74,26,0,11,29,291,95,4,0.06334824842864678,0.07505731560570555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343412016576301,0.0,0.06990636739499866,0.0,0.05271081741500945,0.0,0.0,0.08615796247096061,0.0,0.04846123665613394,0.0,0.0,0.044294568221450406,0.0,0.05213021083620013,0.11278674342017728,0.0,0.14413555567532094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33240039224760315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291755224248914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845695167381488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612370500707229,0.054561753546495735,0.0,0.0,0.0661854366205572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291933289243965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060531966103118326,0.11386664193805796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425988971569356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978523758883237,0.06272472554179055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254328029490794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738298679386487,0.0,0.19063037482318965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659674524473266,0.20888724381938556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948948259085876,0.03094875433861148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059941644359753625,0.0,0.12845036201179058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056396751820245,0.0,0.13970475461381832,0.046971923527100334,0.1954322979352458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721224007053779,0.0,0.0,0.08585282520161283,0.0,0.0,0.14865104077680502,0.0,0.0,0.3023653556443153,0.0,0.0,0.0661854366205572,0.0,0.11976914145698725,0.1428312637081384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405071242263071,0.0,0.07096453616781055,0.0,0.06336539136433852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254875293365443,0.0,0.0,0.10819811605823093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766986617561998,0.0,0.07156548936234218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457556163996821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451464886832445,0.0,0.05058999302538575,0.0,0.0,0.06622534363696825,0.0,0.13858540388833068,0.07188684160612083,0.0,0.0,0.04762999903155192,0.0,0.0553691613137115,0.058322556047505025,0.0,0.0,0.042085761406765884,0.0,0.0,0.050291433184330415,0.11081661927558928,0.0,0.060046732394089024,0.060531966103118326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226893931890821,0.2241866293184257,0.15084867295321874,0.0,0.0,0.056957683156147014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061065450897698624,0.0,0.0,0.0643332212764456,0.0,0.0,0.06926136508208465,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mrmental2,2018/01/10,"I want to die and I'm depressed but that's not why I feel like existence is meaningless, I have a good life and I have friends but I still feel empty, just utterly and completely empty. What's the point in living, when I'm constantly living in fear of something (The future, death, people...etc) I am quite paranoid about most things (People's thoughts and feelings towards me, Sounds, People following me, death, My mother...etc) And I hate it. I'm afraid of being intimate with people because of fear and paranoia. I don't feel motivated to do most things because of fear and paranoia. It's easy for people to just say to ""get over it"" or to just ignore it when they don't understand. And when I try to get people to understand, they tell me to man up or tell me that I'm over exaggerating and sometimes I wish it was that simple. I don't know who I am anymore as a person. I want people but they don't want me, and when they do they want a racial trophy and nothing else. I try to be nice to people and just ditch me, replace me and toss me aside for someone else until they need me again when have nobody. But if I'm mean then people complain and call me insensitive. I'll never be what be what people want (Family, Friends... Etc) I've tried to get help and talk to people but I'm either not taken seriously or people just think I'm being weak and not a man. I get hurt easily because I have certain expectations of people I care about and they don't meet it, and people never take me seriously and acknowledge that they are wrong. I try and help people and they always end up throwing me under the bus but I always end up coming back cause I'm an idiot. So yeah, this is probably me being stupid but I felt like I needed to express this somewhere. Only reason I'm still alive because one again fear has control of the me and my idea of death. I'm too scared to kill myself and I wish I wasn't but I can't help it, I'm a coward
",2.3703007853015237,4.088684397984888,4.063067861905471,86.72947807082535,76.5566750629723,6.584945917913768,22.255815676396494,7.39963492309942,0.8056434138390869,1514,42,312,19,34,508,164,397,0.237,0.625,0.138,-0.9948,0,0,1,0,0,2,48.0,0,0,9,3,19,26,4,6,10,1,26,2,0,4,3,79,67,44,5,11,21,0,5,2,2,0,2,2,0,3,19,25,0,2,15,0,0,3,12,18,0,1,5,7,50,8,37,56,4,31,0,2,0,0,26,10,0,6,20,205,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914164644779893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504132532276936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042975331728304,0.0,0.15991665704397054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696820575035899,0.0,0.06686686855567847,0.06737244060377677,0.0,0.056494478964093466,0.06876317475218724,0.07087259108175054,0.07355760326940755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564870733103818,0.0,0.06806544023534512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957339316759274,0.0,0.11617523700915135,0.0,0.2194292079489766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182639741246005,0.29519921028803897,0.13264418949836732,0.04685294916276167,0.06297055730365321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133947977349207,0.0,0.1370589322898248,0.0,0.0,0.05500842643253713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475024407123595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187794830290195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702086185416217,0.07403592084421705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255855530343053,0.0,0.0360430408001646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046323648297981024,0.0640816851203428,0.0,0.1158230708994047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143978552157389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725884215007508,0.10116425722348893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292924941046749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044441156266488466,0.0498792961179652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.636543912926099,0.05726508477648792,0.0,0.0,0.06199771666096718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071023168144082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069756249636265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743088131810697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215472465411782,0.06566064187482433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556878594467062,0.05048947257168547,0.0648638742838247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047503226728755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931071807976167,0.052713627164300204,0.11464594412629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087141682053212,0.042023333689346326,0.0,0.05206606621883204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810788396556165,0.0,0.0,0.13654971666985485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341458290201025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059179013556560627,0.0,0.15083584603699124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170538981366936,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MichiiBee,2018/01/10,"I’m posting here because I need help I’m too broke to live, because of my living situation, getting to a job is impossible. Today, I was raped for the 6th time in my life. I’m at a low point. I’m starting to think my family would be better off without me. A coffin & a headstone are way less expensive than a coffin. I really want to do it but I’m so fucking scared. ",0.010281293952179029,2.115042405063292,3.3675105485232097,86.5534036568214,86.9746835443038,6.042756680731365,22.701828410689174,7.3871296695380915,1.09834064697609,286,11,61,5,9,104,57,79,0.146,0.7859999999999999,0.068,-0.7821,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,6,0,6,3,0,0,0,6,17,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,11,14,1,10,0,2,0,2,1,5,1,0,3,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161754462988144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718742397551178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972230417928469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022206321744924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061574644843192,0.11650691587336814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947042873487848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129046912837472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750962903425575,0.0,0.0,0.3938215058887893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534971564434442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080458277862896,0.0,0.21356982715805212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285781794747712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232592579351193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506583740343578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578386780175455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428877030067636,0.0,0.0,0.13003155296457447,0.0,0.21137542134092766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152961963075224,0.17700492340387658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496149579232404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841092528143355,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayjack562935,2018/01/10,"Looking For Life Advice Before I Make A Decision I'll try to be to the point as to not take too much of your time.

So I was out on my own and living a great life with my fiance and then she met another guy and left without even saying goodbye after 5 years. this was December 2016. I then moved into my parent's house because I let them talk me into it, bad idea. Mother has always been abusive emotionally and still, into my adult life, remains.

Since then, I lost my job due to my own stupidity of letting alcoholism affect my entire life. I have been sober for about 4-5 months now and feel healthier than ever

I am building a youtube channel with the intent of using it to advertise my business and be independent once again. Building a youtube channel takes time and although it is growing it will be awhile until i can sell my products through that.

I want to open a physical location but would need funding for that, which is near impossible to get for startups.

I am also going to college only because my parents will only let me live at home if I am in school. With no job I cannot move out. I have tried to hold a job since but the crippling depression has made me feel like killing myself due to feeling controlled at the job, not having freedom.

My parents do not understand what depression is, they think it just means really sad so I do not blame them for not understanding.

So I am unable to hold a job, unable to get away from an abusive home, unable to make money working for myself and therefore I feel hopless about the future. 

I have been seeing a psychologist for a few months and it is helping a bit but is my only option just to wait for it to work fully?

I feel hopeless about the future :(",6.8128238001314925,6.160342044378696,7.338658777120314,75.89330703484552,64.94674556213019,9.759631821170284,34.162393162393165,8.998388855275968,2.890413675213676,1353,52,254,19,18,447,182,338,0.14400000000000002,0.8109999999999999,0.045,-0.9911,8,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,1,3,4,15,10,2,0,17,0,33,5,0,9,1,58,58,23,1,4,12,4,5,1,0,3,5,1,2,2,12,18,1,4,11,2,3,4,8,8,0,0,8,8,40,2,50,41,5,37,0,5,2,0,15,14,0,2,20,191,52,9,0.0,0.19922226189774614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215382126548583,0.0,0.08984700185272107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723205004007055,0.06995432881627754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815643164622697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898806139051995,0.0,0.0701962971865403,0.10249856745018353,0.0,0.07153876273086787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178444273636084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942934788601808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482153893889016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945692650687426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555285169848716,0.07604760015504652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254570436078812,0.060060787397261485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784791075326208,0.0,0.04777984327042038,0.0,0.0,0.09268926598333643,0.0,0.08324412882680376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056351439677732075,0.0,0.16866139408359054,0.0,0.0,0.09700737032163376,0.0,0.09490663407628487,0.0,0.0,0.4171405885395307,0.0,0.09301279944604686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913440691366304,0.2579068050635722,0.23752910684237985,0.04107315051503903,0.0,0.1484735744770576,0.0,0.07059899301723792,0.0,0.09177411253837824,0.0,0.0,0.07955060659212168,0.11223692820361184,0.0,0.0,0.09157864865692264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134210341766269,0.178709669892642,0.06180231952837292,0.06233804643318167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953353935664378,0.0,0.19182078310113207,0.0,0.0,0.2800547789913786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947486222381743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053858437275500944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685713247915097,0.0,0.08508497527666875,0.06699420223010186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908983787887588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713971022394527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642280189050514,0.06757358950991861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386970416039517,0.0,0.0,0.098045684020644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415823276642145,0.0,0.0,0.17504305809169332,0.0,0.07261089292680656,0.0,0.0,0.049587624048393716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104204868952504,0.0,0.12241029203909695,0.0,0.0,0.05972207195661445,0.0,0.0,0.054139371634956926
suicidewatch,unicorn_princessxox,2018/01/10,"I’m so alone... I don’t fit in anywhere, I don’t belong anywhere. 
Whenever i need someone everyone leaves me, I’m just being a pathetic idiot and over dramatic about everything. I have no-one. Everyone always leaves. 
I’m alone and I’m fed up of being alone. No-one cares - not even my family. 
All they care about if not burying their child before them. They don’t care if that means I suffer until the end.. 

I’m so so fucking alone. ",-0.30350649350649306,1.942468909090909,2.281883116883116,89.89818181818183,98.54545454545456,5.696103896103896,18.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.8096077922077924,336,11,68,7,14,115,54,88,0.182,0.684,0.134,-0.5165,0,4,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,0,7,6,2,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,1,10,18,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,11,3,7,15,1,6,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,2,2,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6369921885223745,0.0,0.0,0.1279398812327051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083766168866726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703029228448442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618491665545093,0.0,0.0,0.10155642957751644,0.0,0.0,0.2938468016172275,0.13818875669507089,0.0,0.1449503869410555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214780214043968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256173529658005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674887263001229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401041782398333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302795789764293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hopeful_Dread,2018/01/10,"Had to say something... and ask something Hi,

I don't want to die, but death is on my mind everyday. I go to sleep thinking about it, and I wake up thinking about it. It gives me new perspectives and points of view of everyday experience, and it's looking bleak. Suicidal ideation serves as a consoling psychological crutch, and it's a little scary. 

I have dreams, aspirations... I'm passionately curious, but sometimes it's all I can do to just breathe. I love life but I can't deny that I've seriously considered giving up. The daily struggles of mental illness has had an accumulative affect on my desire to live. I can't tell my family about what I go through, they have enough on their plate. They're struggling too you know? Just in a different way I guess. 

I struggle to cope everyday, I can barely function. Infact... I'm a non-functioning member of society. I have done nothing to contribute to society. I've become a burden on society and on my family. I hardly ever speak to my family but I rely on them to survive because I can't work in my current state. I'm lucky I'm not on the street. Can't afford drugs or therapy. Family don't understand. I don't know how long I can go on like this. I've done a lot of personal research on my condition, and psychology in general and it's helped but... Idk. 

I'm alone day in and day out. I listen to the saddest songs with the saddest lyrics just so I can have something to resonate some of my feelings. I can't even leave the house. I don't think I'm agoraphobic but leaving the house does induce intense anxiety. I think it's related to c-ptsd. If I'm not in a state of intense anxiety- heart palpatations, uneven breathing, shaky hands, feeling like the end of the world is ontop of me - then I'm morbidly depressed. 

I hope it's okay for me to ask but does anyone know where I can read suicide journals? I've read one and now I really want to read more. I hope it's not inappropriate to ask.   
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suicidewatch,YuffieYeah,2018/01/10,"(17F) High School Makes Me Want To Die I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since freshman year, but I can't deal with it this year. Grades have always been so important to me, so I've always strived to take AP/honors and tried my absolute hardest. Yet now getting myself to shower and cleaning my room is a challenge! How am I supposed to do school work/study when it's hard to take care of myself?

I've never gotten a B in a class before, and now I'm failing my math class! I wish I wasn't so pathetic, and I wish I wasn't so scared to speak up. I'm just so angry at myself, but all I can think about is killing myself. It's there in my mind all day and night EVERY SINGLE DAY. This has been going on for months, but I can't take it anymore.

I can't. ",3.0606662902315094,3.6154224409937896,4.2635234330886504,90.5641840767928,73.03726708074534,6.848334274421233,24.574251835121398,6.574015621080383,0.6405850931677026,587,16,133,4,11,193,94,161,0.151,0.703,0.147,-0.3999,1,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,2,13,6,1,2,3,0,14,0,0,2,3,22,29,15,3,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,2,19,2,17,23,3,19,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,11,83,25,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636699088538796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713012289760986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348209565294131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154036255860105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436166739373468,0.1633449085011489,0.0,0.0,0.16443593263490272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349271781369804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277847494666632,0.0,0.09004522760307697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419313152186081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740079013897705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529062723618585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576007636070588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997945476362824,0.0,0.12646547104217942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219886427196965,0.0,0.0,0.1486854123135886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862629914331208,0.3206999203001951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310633862714245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563611775449394,0.0,0.17330788348441176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573819792382009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152209467451707,0.0,0.1257838357868786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757050827939037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345214609562573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643968647247153,0.0,0.0,0.11534636630383645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406061248741195
suicidewatch,Swinging_at_Balls,2018/01/10,"I feel like I will be alone forever. I’ve been saying that I want to kill myself since senior year in high school. That was 3 years ago. Somehow I’m still trucking. These past 3 years have been really tough and it’s not even something significant that has altered my life. It’s just rejection. I’ve been getting rejected a lot by women these past 3 years. At first it wasn’t easy letting go of someone who didn’t like you back, but now with the experience I have gotten over the years, it’s quite easy to move on to a different girl. I’ve definitely missed some opportunities with women liking me and not realizing it. But now I’ll take any opportunity i can get as long as I’m attracted to them. Ive come along way being that shy, not confident kid who didn’t know how to talk to girls. But still it hurts a lot. 

I’ve been left on read, ghosted, more recently I went on a date with a girl and she gave me a fake number afterwards. I don’t understand what I did to deserve that and I’m not gonna lie it made me feel like complete shit. To make things worse, i went to a party this past weekend, got introduced to a cute girl. We talked for a bit. Asked to get coffee with her and got her number. The next morning i texted her “Hey, it was nice meeting you”. She left me on read. That was Monday. I’m was talking to another girl that i met on tinder and have been casually texting this past week. We were supposed to go to a bar tonight but guess what? She cancelled on me. Probably done talking with her as well. Just my luck, same shit different day.  Now I matched with ANOTHER girl a couple days ago and we had coffee today. I thought it went well. Texted her that it was nice meeting her but haven’t gotten anything back. I sent that 8 hours ago. Went on another bar date with some other chick. I thought it went well. She said she would text me today but I haven’t heard anything from her and I’m expecting nothing at this point.

I don’t know why I feel like I need a woman to feel happy about myself but I certainly feel alone. It’s not even the sex that I want. I just want someone to cuddle with in bed, talk to, and make laugh. The way Hollywood makes it seems so easy and achievable. But it’s not. Every romantic scene that I see in TV just makes me feel shitty about myself and makes me think “why can’t that be me?”. I’ve tried tinder ever since it came out. I’ve maybe had a handful of successful dates? Maybe 3 or 4 first dates that went onto a second date? There was this one specific women that I connected with and I think she felt the same way. Too bad she moved across country, probably most likely won’t ever see her again. I felt the most compatible with her. But that’s just my luck I guess. I haven’t had anything that felt like that since and that was in August. 

I know I should feel more appreciative because I know there’s a thousand guys out there that wish they could be in my position. But sometimes I wish i was in their position because honestly it doesn’t feel any better maybe even worse. I’d like to think that I’m attractive, I’ve been told that I’m handsome. But I don’t see it yet. I’m social, funny, approachable...i don’t get what I’m doing wrong. I go out, I’m trying to go out to more bars or just wherever to meet women. I have had so many failures in the dating game that i just feel hideous. I do have a crooked nose and i feel like that’s a big issue. I’ve gotten plastic surgery to fix it because people were making fun of me for in back in high school but it’s still slightly fucked up. Who knows, maybe it’s not as a big deal as I’m bringing it out to be. Maybe my standards are too high but I’ve always been told to never sell yourself short and always go for the best. And I don’t think that’s gonna change. I may have fucked up early with being clingy as fuck to some women but I have learned from my mistakes and rejections. I’m always learning new things about the dating game but nothing seems to change. Same results. I think I’ve figured it out. I’m just used as a coping method for girls and that’s all. Whenever they’re down, they rely on me to cheer them up and I oblige. I’m like a gay best friend to them.

This year I have definitely gone out with more women than in previous years thanks to online apps. But nothing happens after the first date. I think I’m close to giving up. I dropped out of a huge university back in 2015 because I said some suicidal shit, mainly about my women problems. I’ve been at community college ever since but now I just transferred to a university for the spring. The girl to guy ratio is like 60:40 but I still don’t think I’ll find anyone. There are so many girls here. People see me as this confident, funny guy on the outside , but they don’t know how empty I feel on the inside. Talking to people won’t help as i already feel like my depression has consumed me and now I’m just waiting for the right time to kill myself. I’ve been exercising and focusing on school to see if it help me overcome this phase that I’m going through but I just find myself back to square one. I always expect the worst when a girl takes forever to reply back. I always think maybe I should have said something different. I always think that it’s something that I did wrong. I always over analyze things. 

Im jealous of my sister. She’s everything that I’m not. She’s happy. She’s married. She’s living in a big city with a steady income. I don’t see myself ever becoming like that. My parents always praise her and seem to favorite her more over me. I’m fine with that I guess.

I feel as if none of my friends care about me either. Whenever i to hang out with someone, ask for advice, or just want to talk i get left on read. I feel like i have no one. I thought maybe a change of scenery would help me but I’m starting to think that it’s gonna make it worse. My goal is to move to Pittsburgh once I get my degree here in NC. Working for the major league team over there, the Pirates would be my dream job as I’m a huge baseball fan. But now, Im starting to think that it might not happen. I still live with my parents. I did terrible this semester in school, only got one A, I’m pretty sure i failed or got a D in my other two classes.

I don’t know what keeps me going. All i do now in my free time is drive around and listen to music that i enjoy in my car thinking about different things. What my life could have been if i didn’t drop out my first university. Why i cant get a girlfriend. Why I’m such a fuck up. I do this every single damn day. I don’t know if it’s therapeutic but it’s somewhat calming. Im such a fucking moron. I miss everything about my old university it but know that I will never ever go back to study there. I only go back up there to visit friends once a month or so because it is 6 hours away. I feel like they are the only friends I have left.

I just wish a loaded gun would drop right infront of me so I can just end it. I’ve started to look at gun permits and went to a gun store the other day and they’re expensive, looks like I’ll have to save up but I’m pretty bad at that too. I’ve started to look at the suicide success rate for guns and I’m guessing if I find the right gun, it’s doable. Either it’s that or I’ll just drive myself to my death but I know I’ll never have the courage to do that. Probably no one is gonna read all of this. Probably nobody cares but I feel like nothings gonna change. I’m starting to get that feeling about not giving a shit about anymore. I guess this semester will determine what i will do with my life. Hopefully I get rejected a bunch of times so i can get closer to killing myself. Can you blame me? I know I’m gonna keep trying because i have nothing to lose. Hopefully there’s gonna be a rejection that I will experience that will finally push me off the edge. ",1.4415420663281289,3.384227780562348,3.0191931540342303,92.09528054667419,80.17970660146698,6.028612626167639,21.550749169331077,7.0901768495059905,0.4941287818945517,6123,181,1354,75,156,2013,490,1636,0.138,0.691,0.171,0.9942,8,4,4,5,0,4,153.0,3,3,8,19,84,96,15,0,63,0,111,21,6,13,13,258,301,84,7,27,65,3,21,17,5,23,4,6,1,23,104,61,3,3,57,15,4,30,38,36,3,12,64,38,184,61,181,203,31,208,1,11,10,8,106,81,10,35,108,835,288,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02701182273799681,0.07350993035540035,0.0,0.0,0.0572583572630402,0.03050406377780342,0.0,0.1840054571421068,0.0,0.0,0.03759554501422719,0.08695636556504127,0.0,0.0,0.027413822286593385,0.01932820119807934,0.0,0.06824199291228891,0.024607586853568796,0.05168380477881322,0.0,0.025970934520547984,0.17004232783218154,0.04616048060233485,0.10110326308191336,0.030528847043168158,0.0,0.0,0.05801796398657201,0.02444744685160024,0.03017832961522848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031615529149577486,0.05636651597579466,0.0,0.11696792980314814,0.02381147061210289,0.02898251908557762,0.0,0.0,0.04414039687913968,0.030585777807003226,0.0,0.07130821676725063,0.02849808942100985,0.02380834925389317,0.0,0.0,0.11552165303784237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028287761313711763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02448295207444688,0.0,0.0,0.05477261195868465,0.12502061762896796,0.046579810098967896,0.0,0.0496863939191228,0.05407912145780795,0.0,0.0,0.2376059825949465,0.15798182654818682,0.0796230854142407,0.03028088614389808,0.07579392864537887,0.09405040829543247,0.0,0.0,0.08542576509134542,0.12777471664124426,0.14442007423502448,0.05303419691282922,0.14138826086119854,0.0,0.08843257507402501,0.0,0.15225604029249018,0.08211093351028059,0.04888814683661559,0.0588516744765504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558433227421772,0.08761710536869381,0.0,0.05491025907236216,0.054444370317888215,0.0,0.029591749278415413,0.0,0.08957557115838449,0.028851472534787745,0.027430805922078826,0.04913965110170184,0.09174662403891076,0.0,0.16710687571122873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013414668625128,0.028266215715791125,0.0585739107777502,0.2295794759942565,0.0,0.048817472069749526,0.024462644525833976,0.06963793486976379,0.03092476278848278,0.0,0.047001141476273836,0.0,0.026155896960927624,0.12916056574211,0.05605008786896175,0.19439346690325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029324206577646575,0.0,0.0,0.02206389128073013,0.08813845510191727,0.0,0.020496481285326856,0.06395854379159804,0.02669719167352004,0.029397994437074162,0.0,0.0,0.13261808945360934,0.0,0.02900603744281912,0.058876484549432874,0.09365599132969568,0.06306984764405985,0.0,0.0,0.06138720374793721,0.0,0.10555115290893836,0.057491256366533926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02613099253872888,0.0,0.0,0.05624449472936758,0.1192126830466208,0.02645003321234053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029401083409940437,0.1105994782170039,0.0,0.017708422301258714,0.0,0.02729352446436472,0.0,0.0,0.07081934784773082,0.07888272632150056,0.02198233732137178,0.0,0.11190229422989832,0.13216443159217575,0.07549377866848034,0.0,0.0,0.11349806084539042,0.09146427975150848,0.0,0.0,0.028177934631087607,0.07026391982370908,0.06384138491437569,0.02733902966479394,0.0,0.09782712650821564,0.0,0.1103762383364382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047257433640772,0.0,0.02605262462189632,0.0,0.04156727297774369,0.15552533715984804,0.0,0.025449398039882828,0.0,0.0,0.07345750024946948,0.21254552165405996,0.0,0.06583490785597775,0.04835549818978261,0.0,0.05240350551326259,0.05282697480680306,0.0,0.056302103177975425,0.0,0.027002597584925105,0.028776701946766944,0.0,0.02387414898508881,0.0,0.0,0.06521678919669997,0.06582372553506767,0.02217305719782116,0.0,0.07456148263921937,0.17937340163293014,0.09977182676918904,0.0,0.0953621499220546,0.0,0.0,0.020123988506762468,0.0,0.08450986824012148,0.07854544055959539,0.06044522627999665,0.0,0.12460554616405388
suicidewatch,27-476,2018/01/10,"im sorry what else? sorry, i didn't do enough for my friends and family. i couldn't do it.",-2.4542857142857137,-0.7080478571428549,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,99.0,4.704761904761905,11.761904761904766,6.42735559955562,-0.9684095238095232,69,1,18,1,3,25,16,21,0.139,0.695,0.166,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720307467744943,0.0,0.0,0.3364735549537763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069847628568728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25158894475739496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517474835167276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7290554750602306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rand0mredditacc0unt,2018/01/10,Everything seems pointless I feel like the universe has already made up its mind with me. I really tried getting out of my shell in 2017 and being a normal person but people just hurt me instead.,4.722342342342344,6.749865378378381,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,70.89189189189189,7.095495495495496,28.54954954954956,7.793537801064563,2.038484684684684,157,6,26,2,3,50,35,37,0.12,0.8340000000000001,0.046,-0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,5,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443947389776189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804828364699225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578000942303992,0.2229543509087339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305209080205108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340945928668946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152469489823485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29530338554887525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151179651641097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30577808664933004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163611857759015,0.2725015187778827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993032799076466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841114371771489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188595579822647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,consumedbyobsession,2018/01/10,"I don't see a point in my life anymore I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t stop thinking about suicide. I can’t find anything in my life anymore, everything seems to make me sad. Every time I get happy, the sadness that comes after the being happy gets worse. Every night I cry and I’ve fallen back into self harm a little. I’ve also developed an eating disorder (according to my doctor) and my depression has gotten to the point of crying in my room alone and wrapped in a blanket (i’ve never been able to do that before, I could never sit alone and still with sadness until now)
I don’t know what I need, my limerent type feelings have begun to resurface as well and all my problems are just too much to deal with anymore if i’m just gonna be miserable anyways.
I wrote a suicide note, I have a ‘will’ (notes that I trust my closest friend to share with those I mentioned in the will). I’ve already preplanned my funeral too. Every one thinks i'm way better off than I really am
I said I wouldn’t kill myself until i’m 21, I promised someone that.
But when therapy, antidepressants, and reassurance haven’t done shit and I’m falling back to where I was two years ago, is there really even a point?",5.622400468384073,5.3944276803278735,6.440749414519908,79.92778688524591,67.27868852459017,8.938641686182669,31.362997658079625,8.418075326091056,2.2918850117096023,950,34,187,12,14,315,142,244,0.243,0.659,0.099,-0.9891,1,2,0,1,0,5,25.0,0,0,0,1,16,18,2,1,11,0,23,5,1,1,3,33,43,14,4,5,4,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,1,7,12,1,1,7,0,0,3,9,9,1,2,6,3,29,9,26,30,2,35,0,5,1,0,8,14,1,2,16,126,36,2,0.10238004006916117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907537282631726,0.0,0.0,0.21206969061414116,0.11297892005729054,0.08187328105441853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061339576447516,0.0,0.0,0.08425004963216154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744786254091536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711787345259954,0.0,0.0,0.09054682561546544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819133917130223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174213125554422,0.0,0.2249193332393052,0.0,0.1055493258188315,0.08817977849262625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173363957099634,0.1047903092245359,0.0,0.1047703265814406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476034019577496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762105089652676,0.0,0.25877879811956755,0.0,0.09201257851106956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051766424434978885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357350185240214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909856499276391,0.0,0.10697869071162644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797091280546307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132683454716275,0.0,0.112530785105309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446281000766786,0.0,0.1026116963508796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833947174020505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075261109449224,0.0759135024585057,0.1579235968612094,0.0,0.0,0.09607673219079173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693753647671263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903466900563203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796387161975983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117455051811575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973868628990444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158363674664955,0.09320294335357143,0.10680471004920987,0.0,0.1050916398902854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867462757148127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176083224892125,0.08559429777254941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397429376550906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708049832805152,0.0,0.0,0.1312019915029735,0.0,0.0,0.05969862468280071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001042274591393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812645104082911,0.0,0.0,0.09205195137070164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433400740199536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659293891430741
suicidewatch,JoeIngles,2018/01/10,"Fuck I thought I'd never be here debating this again. I have $500 in credit card debt, $5,500 in student loans, I owe my parents $1,000 and I owe rent for $180. I have $58 in my bank account after losing my job last month. My car just broke down and costs $450. I am jobless, in debt, depressed, and ready to die. I moved back home to help my mental health, but my parents leave on vacation with my other siblings in 2 weeks, I plan to walk up a trail near my house, and shoot myself in the head. I don't want to be here. I can't find a job, my parents dand I pay them, they don't know about my credit card and rent, they don't know how little I have in my bank account. I want to die so badly, and leave all this behind. I'm LDS, and not serving a mission, and my family constantly tries to persuade me otherwise. My family doesn't think I'm depressed, they disregard the fact that I almost killed myself 3 years ago, and are extremely narcissistic. I wake up dreading each day, I have no purpose, no friends, no job, no car, and no support. I want to fucking die already",2.888606194690265,3.6466302831858433,4.329369469026549,89.18131084070801,73.60176991150442,7.242920353982301,26.071902654867266,7.413659706084162,1.1155495575221246,828,27,186,9,16,276,125,226,0.295,0.638,0.067,-0.9944,13,0,0,1,0,1,41.0,0,0,4,2,8,13,3,1,5,0,13,5,2,1,3,29,27,13,4,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,4,12,0,1,5,0,15,4,12,9,0,0,1,0,37,4,24,24,2,28,0,4,0,2,9,13,2,1,11,110,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441855519672136,0.0,0.1179551232998925,0.0,0.12999020344220244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905774266246086,0.0983542767972706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272950291470711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596831746906889,0.0,0.2029140894590301,0.0,0.3667592252414856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209412526203104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766290327810704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100846910363214,0.2177999827426423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208921112220381,0.1252110503607615,0.0,0.0,0.0789558041966219,0.0,0.11815843643880802,0.0,0.0,0.13592012875885345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506814110114641,0.0,0.13032320776258294,0.0,0.1294745926225194,0.09601901015205387,0.0,0.2494567372437773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806198251352115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178297277236414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871010342897725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402320088236046,0.12519791672387542,0.0,0.0,0.0908511095428384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923937067238639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336728757824938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547856519979668,0.0,0.09351642596578047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997537529906028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084364174543613,0.0,0.09448840118730947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585640492210831
suicidewatch,sxmmersxnsxt,2018/01/10,"18/f I don’t see hope I’m 18 and I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was 11. My mother is super abusive and my father is too, but not as bad. I have clinical depression, generally anxiety, and an eating disorder. I don’t really have any friends, I work a lot, and go to school full time. I dream to research cancer or be a forensic pathologist, but I’m so depressed I can never show up to school. I have no motivation to get out of my bed anymore. I am probably too dumb to be a doctor or maybe my mental illness is just holding me back from it. I have to drop this biology class, because it’s just too much for me right now I cannot do it. I don’t see a future or any hope for myself. My family doesn’t even love me. I’m sure my mother is a overt narcissist. I’ve also been through many traumatic things like my father kidnapping me, sexual abuse, bullying, abusive relationship, domestic abuse, and etc. i really don’t see hope for me at this point. I hate myself so much hahah",1.2632352941176492,3.26145512745098,4.121333333333337,83.68200000000002,81.05882352941177,7.805490196078432,22.945098039215694,8.697196308434329,1.7370086274509808,762,26,159,19,20,272,115,204,0.29,0.562,0.14800000000000002,-0.992,0,0,0,0,2,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,11,14,3,0,6,0,21,6,0,1,2,24,35,14,1,4,8,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,6,6,1,1,1,2,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,3,29,8,17,31,5,13,0,2,3,1,7,6,1,7,6,108,35,8,0.0,0.545067071133303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197259445944353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642002341770958,0.0,0.08798151157716347,0.0,0.11405794815356825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843476298669918,0.0960276470796944,0.07010837220604671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811403433155045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318101900764468,0.11771650640435392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768284060651273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826535078235535,0.07596230920431649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842017741178492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885560889599653,0.0,0.06008741563736113,0.0,0.06536222152718899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354750144709172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342689433284757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272403337082572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056187550628605004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777647388268566,0.1038000435805954,0.0,0.0,0.11660099692277195,0.1155419217651197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590194435945655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908958353190878,0.0,0.08870197177048886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872060674447402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399907134464855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473553225524648,0.0,0.0,0.12347654280063945,0.0,0.09821699215139207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327903409474742,0.2749416649873424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513656987284526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083945491921362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640681831371379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706262808850065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783524277620673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837278659557746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IamStardustt,2018/01/10,"Trying to think of a reason to live So as per the theme around here I'm suicidal. I have been for about a year-ish and I've tried talking to the few friends I have and I just can't think up a reason to keep living.
 it's not like I'm living a bad life, I'm an unhealthy 18yo living at home playing video games to forget his problems. Yes I have a fair few mental health issues here and there but if anyone else were in my shoes they'd make a life out of it. Everything to do with the future  just doesn't seem to be in my favour or seem like it's going to work out at all and as a lazy human being one of my biggest problems with life is that I struggle to simply take care of myself or maintain my body, I struggle to wake up on time I struggle to shower regularly I struggle to brush my teeth I struggle to eat. It's all such a huge hassle and every time my mind isn't occupied by video games I'm stuck sat there trying to think of a reason to live.
I'm a dull sarcastic person that doesn't really care about ""making memories"" nor can I really care about ""how selfish suicide is"" as people have told me because what have you got to regret once your dead?
My mother told me this is just a part of growing up and well my step dad isn't exactly the nicest person in the world. So if anyone has a reason to live that may sway my opinion do feel free to share",4.901378865979382,4.091446292096221,5.938863831615119,84.87778028350517,68.89690721649485,8.512113402061855,26.77856529209621,7.413659706084162,1.2267060137457042,1065,25,236,9,16,356,152,291,0.21,0.6709999999999999,0.119,-0.983,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,1,1,16,22,0,5,18,1,23,9,4,7,3,44,47,18,3,5,9,2,1,2,1,1,4,0,2,3,9,11,1,1,10,5,1,3,7,11,1,1,7,2,26,12,46,36,5,21,0,2,0,0,16,15,0,8,5,152,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175041783456905,0.08609333036130427,0.0,0.0747998803578821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015719271587638,0.051220734126433465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333260336027528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570066302886149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597834039327115,0.07019193300451798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707945123434638,0.0,0.07551606629859325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424854601721947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491734689728905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775322640379949,0.0,0.06720230304010055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931442613750196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842837186768286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770005391397659,0.0,0.07468509702125252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804758932034656,0.0821005395334247,0.0,0.4451725915166614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217440402723423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467722883830399,0.0,0.08484108849121155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894836626280479,0.05693737454182015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099066302431946,0.0,0.05825221198961781,0.14673441710366222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608007588487408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765686837503943,0.34556592742742737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298603220136012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392047886559208,0.0,0.1838189722630367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317618757256825,0.06753594607921708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615190843878055,0.0,0.0,0.09799106540501644,0.0,0.0,0.16057858166798053,0.0,0.17114195742435934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554838017922189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061171050277565926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410921204599405
suicidewatch,dinodig24,2018/01/10,Is there even any point I'm just sick of my constant cycle of misery,-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,1.495000000000001,97.7025,92.33333333333334,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.3723333333333332,55,1,12,0,2,18,14,15,0.368,0.632,0.0,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39525365793641204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6280988961263171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838943368282805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494465039691877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dancinjanssen,2018/01/10,"I’ve figured out that I’m mean as a defense and it’s pushed everyone away from me Ever since I was little, rudeness has been my natural state and it takes a pained effort for me to be nice to people. I can’t stand most people I meet, and I think it’s because I was bullied pretty badly growing up and wronged by enough people that I don’t trust anyone anymore. I grew up with a toxic mother who always made everything about her and moved my sister and me around on the whims of whatever man she was financially dependent on at the time. (My dad was her second of five marriages, and she dated others that she didn’t marry. We moved about 13 times before I turned 18.) I have all kinds of undiagnosed problems. Problems that my mom has too, but she never got me help for mine because then she wouldn’t be the star of the show with hers. (For example, she has BPD and I have all the classic signs too, but I can’t even tell her I’m depressed without her being like “How do you think I feel with <event> going on?” And she has Tourette’s, and when I came to her about tics I was experiencing she just said “Yep, that’s me every day and mine are worse!”) 

For those reasons and others, I was bullied throughout school and didn’t have many friends. And now I find myself assuming that every single human who even glances at me wants to hurt me in some way, so I’m often rude to them. Sometimes I’ll say or do something to intentionally piss people off because I get a sick satisfaction out of their unhappiness. Almost like “Odds are they’d hate me anyway, so why should I be nice to them?” I’m the very definition of saying purposefully inflammatory things on public Facebook articles to set the comment thread on fire. 

Cut to today. I was driving with my friend and I misunderstood where a woman was trying to turn and accidentally cut her off (dumb idiot turned on her signal way too early), so of course she laid on her horn and gave me a death look like I’d just stabbed her dog. When she ended up in front of me, I rode her bumper within an inch of her life for several yards and just raged about how I hoped that fat road whore crashed and died. 

I’m feeling like my only way out of my mess is death. Obviously with my issues, I can’t keep a romantic relationship whatsoever and my platonic friendships are few if they haven’t ended already. (I’d be rich if I got a dime for every ended connection with someone that I incited by being rude to them because that comes easier to me than building someone up.) I’m underemployed not in my degree field in a job I resent more and more every day, but I don’t want to start putting my name out in my field unless I can fix myself and put my best version of myself into it. The last thing I want to do is burn bridges in the industry I just got an expensive degree for. 

Sorry this is long. I don’t even know what I’m looking for. I have absolutely no one to talk to about this. My mom’s useless and would make it about her, my sister avoids conflict to a fault as her own defense mechanism, and anyone else I admit this stuff to just calls me mentally unstable and emotionally immature. Which I know I am, but I’m looking for help with it, not confirmation and ridicule! Forget any professional help. I’ve already been whisked away to a psychiatric hospital once as a teenager when I came forward about wanting to kill myself. That hospital did nothing but make me feel like even more of a freak. One of the doctors even said “I can’t take you seriously with you acting like that.” EXACTLY. I need help, you dumbass! 

I’ve concluded that I’m not cut out for this world and I should have never even been born. I’m just at a stage now where I’m trying to find a little more acceptance with my own mortality and then there will be no reason for me to stick around. 


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suicidewatch,brOKen-goddess,2018/01/10,"I won't even be able to say goodbye I'm not dead and yet not quite alive either. Sometimes I don't even feel anything. I was going for a walk today, and felt so enraged and desperate I threw my phone and randomly started screaming. Whats wrong with me? I have considered almost every way of dying, but I know it'll hurt my family (I have no friends).  I just can't be responsible for passing my heavy burden onto them, when they realize what I've done. My mom told me suicide is selfish, but whats the point of living in a world where I am so lost? The worst part besides hurting them is that the one I love won't even care, and is better off without me. I won't even be able to sat goodbye. Why am I even writing this? I'm too afraid to die anyway. At least for now.",2.1579914529914532,3.493247895061732,3.8379012345679016,89.74209401709405,76.2222222222222,6.4660968660968665,24.80721747388414,7.010146845296331,0.8822112060778728,597,20,131,6,13,200,105,162,0.302,0.635,0.063,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,3,3,14,14,1,1,5,0,18,1,0,0,0,20,31,10,4,0,7,1,2,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,9,10,0,1,7,4,22,4,14,17,4,17,0,3,0,1,10,7,0,2,5,93,28,0,0.2861569173717559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327240873336994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774138042371594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654126956004338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587802430965602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29698570188108203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464189390154769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725098627847032,0.0,0.12054977236617476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348816371923159,0.0,0.07234476773824566,0.0,0.13737775803701538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054206225924686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131478531555876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063368984846022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863217906880468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634090033850945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561870392991454,0.0,0.12913389511999282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757176156093093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695366650516607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549400278627916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525539050301005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521815526880291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378173309583985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150825414704873,0.0,0.10127166947864978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565046112288049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562164910915694,0.1367175987670002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135690207507851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910605453337454,0.0,0.0,0.1379225284064815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643383374027486,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacef0x,2018/01/10,"I just want to be happy, but suicide is constantly on my mind I just want to be happy for once, no horrible thoughts or desires of ending myself. I don't want to go through with it, but suicide is constantly on my mind no matter whats happening. I've been able to handle this situation relatively well by reducing my self-harm, but the thoughts and the urge are still there. I just want to be happy, but my brain won't allow it.",5.514482758620686,5.274752172413798,6.6580689655172405,78.31882758620691,67.50574712643679,10.178390804597699,32.342528735632186,9.888512548439397,2.9357742528735637,337,13,69,7,5,114,54,87,0.227,0.575,0.198,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,21,17,6,2,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,0,9,4,12,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,50,13,0,0.1563854330015204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457786299761335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379941922634904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385110759836417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887744547848182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829112193242074,0.4994256042162869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158094137116879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654538227822027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314411301621182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578377898649789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488960880631332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421205626415794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483051307616573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689607207646071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060928540384796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OveratedReference,2018/01/11,"I plan on dying if I fail my classes for the past few months, I've been really depressed. I've moved across the country in the middle of high school and it turns out that the school here that is much worse than my previous one. teachers aren't as nice or understanding, students are pushy and rude, the school is much smaller, and the work is much harder. I'm typically a student that gets A's and B's but now I'm failing most of my classes. most of the time I just cry in class because everything is too much. I am too depressed to do much more than sleep when I get home. I haven't been talking to my friends as much as I usually do. my parents blame me for failing and they yell at me a lot. my mom is the worst, it feels like she hates me. I've given up. if I don't get decent grades soon, I'm going to fail my classes. I don't think I'll be able to pass. plus, I have midterms soon and I'm 90% sure I'm going to fail those as well. I cant do this anymore. I'm nothing but a disappointment and a failure.",1.8725463336019352,2.9517961095890435,3.49713134568896,92.93475423045929,76.48858447488584,6.431479989255978,24.754499059897928,6.794906146795322,0.6450481332258929,784,26,187,7,17,261,117,219,0.236,0.695,0.069,-0.991,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,7,9,16,2,0,13,0,19,1,1,0,1,22,36,18,1,2,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,11,1,1,3,2,23,5,24,32,12,21,0,8,0,0,6,9,0,6,9,120,30,17,0.12651871883893262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547257249432595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712463669992108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897487178321336,0.0,0.0,0.2179407742925558,0.0,0.1313064554251601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370686651834795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397166570712015,0.09038499801816882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774804833170768,0.0,0.19830242617738056,0.0,0.14380700708237046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491104160218128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367397281301144,0.1269085907012435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061810655317366375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075616904046598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817719439386612,0.10098603431825044,0.13446937560304567,0.5580348946618958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139812295467238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573235821544017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048406478971456,0.0,0.12077643302319856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810511309851689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841310939310944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661008914458746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924239521815914,0.0,0.0,0.10169095375884182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810680864300268,0.0,0.0,0.07377408239156699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376160353320744,0.0,0.13171044823359487,0.0,0.0,0.13934249437112148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375552252350585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921071341454118,0.0,0.12893338329341322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vivian0vivian,2018/01/11,"I’ve been crying almost everyday I am having the worst time in my life. 
I never felt like I want to end up my life than right now. I’m keeping telling myself not to give up but the more I try, the more I cry and just death can give me peace. 
I was born in a family which I thought it was perfect but it wasn’t. My dad was a bad husband to my mom, was a irresponsible dad to me and my brother. We grew up thanks to my aunt’s support. They divorced two years ago. 
I went to the US for school. This was not my dream, not at all. I was at fault in a car accident, they filed 2 civil lawsuits against me. One is coming to the court soon, one is still under investigating. I felt like all bad lucks coming after me. With me, when dealing with money, it’s really stress me out and with someone who is not familiar to things here, I’m really panic.
I am always a nice girl, a good daughter, I help people within my possibilities. But bad things keep coming.
Recently I found out my health might be worst then I thought, but doctor, it’s too expensive for me. I may be die soon because of my health condition so why don’t I end up my life before it happens.
I’m dating for 7 months, my boyfriend’s dream is too big, his parents divorced too. He told me that he would never marry. It was a big shock to me.
My life is totally messed up. 
I discussed with my friends about how to die without pain, they didn’t think I was serious. 
I have been thinking about this for a long time, maybe now it’s time to do it. 
You may ask me to think about my family and friends. Well, they will be sad for a long time but they will get through it.
See you in another world then.
",0.9519901678250556,2.870904365994239,2.7747321579928834,93.34692278352269,81.70893371757923,5.926733344634683,20.86870656043397,7.048011613610866,0.3454869299881338,1273,37,293,16,34,423,172,347,0.222,0.664,0.114,-0.992,1,0,0,0,2,0,43.0,2,2,5,1,17,24,0,2,14,0,33,8,0,1,6,49,60,14,3,2,11,8,2,2,2,6,8,0,0,1,16,14,0,2,8,2,2,6,10,13,1,3,19,3,55,11,45,32,7,51,0,1,1,0,34,19,0,5,28,204,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242580745481139,0.0,0.0931112891105273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737117101578589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750313475174896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692865006062862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329163815676967,0.05668294103635153,0.0,0.07912359305232544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240295659941462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427984623052256,0.0,0.09586370249935584,0.0,0.0,0.1930080033832895,0.0,0.0,0.09517433626775602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471465151909076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531642313192752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178560830504992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195351941944,0.1436803360659538,0.0,0.048580951610020864,0.17839983586392855,0.0,0.07799161012028033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822265432403866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976779301113118,0.0,0.0,0.06232604829562793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529911267184033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627129079459101,0.09085578566559684,0.0,0.0,0.16457802784794154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341617459596588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864264841967607,0.0,0.10890319270402617,0.07421993378105883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343190342225895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601841418173285,0.0,0.09894285443166484,0.10909814779633578,0.1032491082195338,0.0,0.0,0.06446425951830595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482689012157492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913745529686587,0.0,0.09181170957663568,0.0,0.0,0.07940888940515146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410603009707152,0.07409719978051214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878609459169318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425813512313248,0.0,0.10651428161957464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551855175951247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812732008171048,0.08560831873467274,0.0,0.0,0.12355052730429608,0.1787435672827394,0.0,0.1476397926785253,0.2168817716954723,0.0,0.0,0.08885138442099956,0.0,0.06313087624232523,0.0,0.09083307106485164,0.0,0.11184979828178332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484510544859983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360490047878359,0.08619825178154675,0.08390471882097034,0.0,0.0,0.08963445600478494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605404870523307,0.0,0.0,0.05987944781025116
suicidewatch,bigguwopo,2018/01/11,"Rest Easy. Earlier, there was a post with this girl in it that was being raped by her former “friend (s)”. She hasn’t been active since she had orally taken a couple pills, most likely causing an overdose.As someone who’s been in a similar situation and knows how much shit like that hurts, it really hit me. Just earlier I was talking to her while I was in my English class. :( Rest easy. I didn’t know anything about you at all, but this still hits me. If anyone knows any information on this, please notify me. Other than that, Rest easy soldier. I just hope you can really Rest In Peace. You will always be remembered by me. 💔",2.381829268292684,4.640821430894314,3.75709349593496,86.38246951219513,78.59349593495935,7.0268292682926825,20.819105691056908,8.07648339933343,1.0466861788617892,488,13,97,9,12,160,88,123,0.068,0.7390000000000001,0.193,0.95,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,3,0,0,6,7,2,0,4,0,13,3,1,2,1,16,20,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,9,0,16,4,12,6,7,10,0,1,0,1,12,6,1,3,5,71,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906216432381564,0.0,0.0,0.14634217405806405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047160416949482,0.0,0.17708980502982682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210678585659779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23811274542448585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662616166265191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137403963075968,0.0,0.0,0.2303741532112739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35480195349128657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026996759947167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819545812592287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362230308129104,0.0,0.0,0.20610041551467406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757229898089058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437776411976115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208978878907508,0.17801419745910627,0.24189182399104636,0.0,0.0,0.18233675968702995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185758234272466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296818357807786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boringjasper,2018/01/11,"I don't know what to do anymore I don't have any friends. My family treats me like shit, especially my mom who calls me names, hits me, and threatens to kill me. School stresses me out so much because I've always been so good at school but I've been getting bad grades because I'm so sleep deprived and I can't concentrate. I feel horrible about everything because I have so much but for some reason I can't appreciate it. I've been self harming since I was 9 and contemplating suicide since I was 7; I'm 16 now. I've attempted suicide twice but I was saved by strangers walking by and I hate how I'm still alive. Since I'm a teenager from a financially well off family I feel like I'm just being whiny or just being another angsty emo kid that's just going through some sort of phase. I'm not even technically diagnosed with depression or any mental illness. It would be better if I just died right now. Hardly anyone would notice. Most people wouldn't care and maybe even be happy that I'm gone. I don't know why I haven't already tried to kill myself again. Maybe I've been hoping that things will get better? I know it's stupid because nothing has gotten better so it probably never will.",2.972203121912667,4.920875771784232,4.113100177830471,86.01405255878285,75.51452282157676,7.080102746492789,25.169136534281765,7.957251820313856,1.4325742343410388,955,33,191,15,21,311,133,241,0.257,0.599,0.14400000000000002,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,0,4,18,23,5,1,2,0,26,4,2,2,1,36,47,17,5,5,11,1,3,2,1,5,2,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,9,10,1,1,9,3,23,13,14,28,5,12,0,2,0,0,7,4,1,8,7,111,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812508183095095,0.0,0.08906870507721115,0.0,0.0,0.14558640001652196,0.1122443649138415,0.0,0.0,0.10615831465902394,0.07484725198580129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937678907678108,0.26101071454873925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840136331610163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930330559712778,0.0,0.10913790635678064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219634552175418,0.10864682362533812,0.1110941756806301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140234597032106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620372862995437,0.0,0.20182202986100956,0.0,0.10824874444501337,0.07647184455791663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270148500041437,0.0,0.11185154352750787,0.0,0.06083524552233568,0.08978294665958697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394971689787756,0.09588988376699922,0.10568322140195573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063182744031846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236855381002184,0.0,0.17648480166466238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459202144370126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507901703676532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787459601094844,0.0,0.0,0.1253679662020697,0.0,0.0,0.1573784686182093,0.0,0.08255848875528651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271105373423163,0.12186964939873145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421043321013349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541091740058755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005846946044524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141450049260924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666732274203468,0.0,0.0,0.11166963808909036,0.0,0.10987853800951354,0.2656422831632124,0.0,0.10712073097111316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548501786946619,0.0,0.1226178822361274,0.0,0.0,0.2341762672688331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111489547156426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267545939231468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624489491357258,0.0,0.09659004196442336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208115648351192,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mithriark,2018/01/11,"Just wrote my note I plan to die by a combination of benzos and opiates in 3 weeks. I have never done heroin before so I figure it won't take much. I've looked at other methods but this one seems like the easiest and least painful. Just never found my place in this world in 37 years. I always knew in my heart it would end this way. I was born defective and will die defective. I know, I should of tried harder. But Why should i have to try 200% to get 1/2 the reward when someone else can try 1/2 as hard and get the full reward? What kind of life is that? I've done it for 37 years that is enough. I will miss some people from this world. Most of my family and friends. Others I will not miss. That's all. Thanks.",0.6531000000000021,2.759469160000002,1.99025,97.49137500000002,84.06666666666666,5.083333333333334,15.375,6.322622252153567,-0.6964999999999999,554,9,129,5,16,177,95,150,0.123,0.6990000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9087,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,0,0,4,0,15,3,1,0,3,24,27,10,2,3,5,0,1,1,1,7,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,2,14,6,16,14,7,18,0,2,1,0,2,9,0,3,9,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371679181276455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674541668106666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335662452534813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289075225644876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424575383711998,0.0,0.14233411797009368,0.1660479433542491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514953783529237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620125625352642,0.12415783122501342,0.0,0.16792014150019174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395726999182168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043243617185268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734622109665562,0.08831752021039417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350845139451853,0.07851079424888792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494905906780974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118134331838496,0.0,0.2478863085232308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889571550025703,0.0,0.17099807193948555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141041108987004,0.0,0.16789920330675612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629690578616472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616213468074267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082777268277853,0.0,0.0,0.14795264933174482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273179709428233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755762849527005,0.12890531049342885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500840133857032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415796559813965,0.0,0.0,0.206973412747573
suicidewatch,neskilad,2018/01/11,"I want to kill myself but I don’t know why Hi Reddit, this is my first time actually using ready so forgive me if I fuck something up, I don’t really know how to begin talking about this so I’m just going to get into it, I’m 17 years old and I want to kill myself, that’s all fine but after reading so many other threads on here by other people it seems like everyone has a “good” reason. 
The problem is i do not, I have a nice family, a decent job for my age and a small group of friends but there’s still always a thought in the back of my head telling me to do it, I have the rope ready I’m just too much of a coward to actually do it but I’ll get it done eventually. 
I also sometimes get horrible thoughts about other people too and I just want to know what’s going on in my head as I’m starting to become scared of myself and what I’m thinking, someone help me? ",0.975172735760971,2.5684844444444472,3.4802738873327117,89.91249299719891,80.2169312169312,5.928540305010892,21.170557111733576,6.794906146795322,0.3745584189231246,676,19,152,7,17,236,103,189,0.161,0.6890000000000001,0.15,-0.7984,1,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,16,11,3,1,9,0,11,3,2,3,1,30,35,15,2,5,9,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,9,1,0,2,3,5,0,1,3,0,20,6,24,32,2,19,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,2,11,104,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.26821447616981464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989893745615448,0.11434883218324195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567154861235063,0.0,0.0,0.15177541194731234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063376256512236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131573314733289,0.0,0.0,0.1295523124730064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689386306226872,0.0,0.0,0.10617442143589527,0.127047446156443,0.21539709209608815,0.0,0.1562038939497221,0.11526579500167056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820759450540308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211326058057596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363733737793406,0.0,0.3040813963831415,0.0,0.2265760005262345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713904450168033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932765236704955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102338459776056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442047017241754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054675525000772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149742213148685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746245758812609,0.0,0.08803814588576077,0.1412960640189759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758666765906485,0.0,0.0,0.1251068029817387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643998391856368,0.10579668557375868,0.1359171043618713,0.0,0.09727031226833667,0.0,0.10974799683079774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104572251301622,0.12011574180949007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805656297519324,0.0,0.2182006250509099,0.0801337791247525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869130832159094,0.0,0.0,0.2431709515318539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240049295606979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849736715866165
suicidewatch,Art3mis2005,2018/01/11,I tried to slit my wrists today I've been struggling for three years now and that marked my eight attempt. I'm under 14. I'm so frustrated! I just can't seem to succeed. ,0.6016666666666666,2.797832500000002,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,85.1111111111111,4.711111111111111,20.11111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.1165888888888884,134,4,30,1,4,43,29,36,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.8775,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,4,1,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735447227875478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5437963372166795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930618905767085,0.0,0.0,0.35316239711421205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349734802566517
suicidewatch,midnightblack_,2018/01/11,"Might die in a few hours My girlfriend might breakup with me tonight. I just can't handle it all over again. It's nothing I did. She's stressed with school/work stuff and wants to breakup with me over it... which is weird. I mean, you'd think she'd want me for comfort, but whatever. She's really been the light of my life for awhile now. I was so depressed and just kind of un-grounded, if that makes sense. I feel like I was just kind off the rails. It wasn't with drugs, alcohol or anything. I was just out of it, if that makes any sense. When I met her, she's helped me with so much. With her, I finally figured out what I want to do with life, discover myself as a person, so many things. I've helped her a great deal as well. So for this to end over something out of my control and something so weird is just bs to me. 

I've been through multiple breakups. They've all taken a piece of me with them. That's how it goes for everyone, but it feels like they rip such a part of me and it never comes back. One ex just went on a rant against me. Called me a bunch of hurtful names. None of which were called for, of course. I don't have many friends to hangout with to ease the pain either. So breakups have always been particularly painful. Anyway, I have some alcohol and plenty of sleeping pills. I'm feeling like if she breaks up with me, I'll could kill myself with that. I'm really not sure. Just fantasizing, I suppose. 

This isn't my first time posting here either. I sometimes ask myself, ""how many more times before you finally break?"" I just love her a lot and can't bear the thought of being alone again. I know I'll spiral into self-harm all over again. I don't really fear death either. So it's a slippery slope.

Sorry for this disjointed, long rant. If anyone maybe has any advice, I'd appreciate it.",1.7832345013477102,3.7703953557951486,2.6340269541779016,95.0576711590297,79.26954177897574,5.857250673854447,21.65121293800539,6.868970318607317,0.3101501886792457,1411,41,318,15,35,443,184,371,0.131,0.748,0.12,-0.7453,0,1,5,0,0,1,59.0,0,2,2,2,27,20,1,2,13,0,27,10,1,5,5,68,47,25,3,8,19,1,3,3,2,2,8,0,0,1,22,22,2,1,8,1,0,2,9,9,1,2,13,4,47,11,50,28,15,33,0,2,0,1,26,12,0,9,19,216,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416882677904607,0.0,0.2059742717686594,0.0,0.09980726548992287,0.0,0.0,0.08018515719988786,0.0,0.0,0.13106588179732512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738212553172794,0.0,0.07930192237113225,0.0,0.09009024134924096,0.0,0.0,0.07410036093292703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820013147510228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680319219136225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301173427557268,0.0,0.0,0.1080839106495517,0.0769412976678357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935026126340776,0.08300085257227491,0.0,0.10001384810996296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175525567600536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535265817864064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208290547614832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084397929325288,0.14617832238308875,0.2065340527380416,0.0,0.21113092216391632,0.0,0.08196981645015733,0.0,0.0,0.07445299187491043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624508146072932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918568801842414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490219388911306,0.0,0.10316298677497976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661593172840886,0.20070303607391185,0.05296084467454826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136133882591647,0.14124031006255805,0.0,0.0,0.08528186184452488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192787271387418,0.08697508122832323,0.0,0.12865159145869773,0.2931033792135346,0.09681371687474402,0.10497203622658377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446055465623494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084091564533983,0.0,0.07432425781074466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924668432386664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530084926064493,0.0,0.20508280363987147,0.0,0.0,0.10435619165954044,0.0,0.0,0.08414404536335804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229305520467412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852057191836617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752866239095027,0.0,0.0,0.10053191496234408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643670742534782,0.0,0.0,0.14837622216140475,0.09530953811531287,0.10787509247149228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038820149117484,0.0,0.11031728789592962,0.0,0.0,0.0908248628371091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402202735178153,0.061748154395952576,0.0,0.07650472281511041,0.11238487623279897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051945877139962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664560713711396,0.0893332785159557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015640544431344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EtherealSleeper,2018/01/11,"When you need someone but noone is there I guess its ok and I accept that Im worthless but at least dont tell me or publicly announce that you care/want to hear/is there, especially if you work in psychology department. I became so different and alien that I can spot language scripts in life. People always say these symbolic sentences but their meaning is always different and never literal. I finally understand how aspergers must feel. I will rejoice with this new found knowledge and enjoy being even more miserable.

tbh I dont enjoy life, never had, never will. I wish I could disappear. Its just a matter of time until suicide. I just dont know when or where. Someone please sent me a gun as its illegal to even buy that here.",3.3908324768756444,6.007618776978423,4.496531346351492,80.50857913669068,77.05755395683454,7.7124357656731775,27.914182939362803,8.634040054169528,2.5279348406988693,586,25,102,13,14,191,94,139,0.17800000000000002,0.67,0.152,-0.7921,2,0,0,1,0,1,15.0,0,3,1,1,12,6,0,1,2,1,12,2,0,1,4,30,21,16,1,5,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,3,2,16,4,9,13,2,17,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,4,10,75,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354068462976875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422467647144172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294177667373925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29558458149131805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973590905735974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868618180488431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152482884812028,0.0,0.0,0.15495905438781002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510012424772285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583065777162472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943213998861802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279766183183865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774098011068388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983029961063725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408796877423375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488845482125082,0.3273007077424823,0.13661989800692878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806836211011913,0.0,0.0,0.15527713215279348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249215720987256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971184378426585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473082410857047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363951354031955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248462124844512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726155968092214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266838544164064,0.0,0.0,0.10298226461075538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jjstrange13,2018/01/11,"Tell me why suicide is bad. ... and I don't mean silly platitudes like, ""because things will get better"" or ""because sunrises"" or ""because people love you"" or shit like that. 

I want a logical reason why suicide is bad. Why are people deemed mostly autonomous, told they can do anything, be anyone ... except when the only thing they want is to die?  

I consider suicide in much the same way I do abortion, and I'm pro-choice. How can anyone call themselves pro-choice if they don't respect another person's right to die? To rationally decide that their life is not meaningful or valuable to them. How does that affect *anything*, realistically? The earth will keep spinning, sun keeps shining, etc. It doesn't *matter*. Nothing matters. 

Meaning and value are very personal things, so what makes life meaningful to you doesn't change anything for me. Me dying wouldn't change anything for you. But I'm just supposed to keep on slogging because I ""matter""? To who? Not to me. 

So why am I supposed to just keep going through these painfully pointless motions for the rest of forever? Is there an actual reason?  ",3.773304761904761,6.611084940000005,4.408285714285718,80.42033333333336,77.1,6.4095238095238125,29.023809523809533,7.62386473244151,2.1825809523809525,868,39,142,13,21,276,117,200,0.204,0.716,0.08,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,3,46.0,0,3,5,1,8,11,1,0,6,0,20,5,1,6,0,38,35,14,6,4,11,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,10,3,0,4,8,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,1,18,7,17,30,5,7,0,0,1,1,15,3,1,6,3,95,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.09301117324520633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994338314296353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328932081636136,0.0,0.3137360030978225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591637795206062,0.232406267063715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429609028665573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732463770873057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165580543401387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967577331883961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340854131644412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629854335133936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979680573934565,0.0,0.054168244940421766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388722340674753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464396238280546,0.09312966829888347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602318057933915,0.0,0.06362178067312325,0.0,0.0,0.207646335032332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006559571893006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145483788212833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248939059146632,0.10141913524011048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321552625865686,0.1664462580946945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599408468935986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813962861705214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783682977673727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127689539773754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330725642001187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189964010685312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910751021347179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864272868377396,0.11243546992251602,0.07565456281780625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440185377414829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkKiller87,2018/01/11,"3 years 354 days 3 years 354 days that’s when I’ll do it, I’m going to move to a different state without telling anyone. I’m going to legally change my name rent a car and kill myself in it. No one will know me, my friends and family will never know. I’m going to save up as much money as I can buy her that farm anonymously and then put my plan into motion. I’ve thought about it so much, I even look forward to it. I’m sick of all these predictable outcomes and repeating events no matter what I change or do different it’s all the same, so dull and pointless. Nothing matters when you know how everything is going to end. I’ve been dead for years now and she was the last good thing, she gave me hope again and I will always love her for that even if it the feeling was short lived, it was something I thought I’d never feel again. Too little to late unfortunately, I gave up long before I met her, you can’t save everyone and I died a long time ago. Nobody can fix me if I’m part of the problem. 3 years 354 days",1.905416666666668,3.3747075972222262,3.3483333333333363,92.43,77.19444444444444,6.2814814814814826,22.185185185185183,6.937597516519254,0.4289462962962967,795,22,181,8,18,261,121,216,0.132,0.763,0.105,-0.8021,3,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,0,1,12,9,1,0,7,0,13,2,0,1,4,33,35,19,3,4,4,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,13,9,0,0,7,0,3,9,6,3,0,1,9,3,22,6,19,23,6,40,0,1,1,1,14,7,0,4,25,108,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102387688900361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347854517575374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695629670578198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582228743135497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631154835565955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406082073246461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906737183352746,0.2598621318806231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014717939870154,0.0,0.0,0.16427890169463294,0.0,0.0,0.11883252994659715,0.11176789727077496,0.0,0.11723674446782867,0.0,0.12576159698922018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608121443214827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28270951942566136,0.10430833920704913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351880889366353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375873277932373,0.0,0.2050371172013734,0.10137103936422458,0.1402849377095826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464267084032782,0.10981328635344484,0.22011163416571555,0.1044321518327123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112240908247075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217635679056636,0.1828396961703109,0.0,0.19183016752966506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193279997129576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427042006525093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467114451234713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189969471198708,0.0,0.12501743260801887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573938708919852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869723789775657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262010677424887,0.0,0.0,0.19745792594126116,0.07251606094215803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987983357655065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32033834121849114
suicidewatch,emlissaa,2018/01/11,"Suicidal feelings getting worse, depression and anxiety not going away, and medication not helping...I don't know what to do. I'm a second year university student and things have just been so bad lately in terms of my depression. I feel so isolated at school. What's really affecting me is I'm losing friends or things just aren't the same with some friends I used to call ""best friends"" and I don't know if it's me but they've all found new friends except for me so I feel so alone at school and at home.
I'm also doing really bad in school too and I feel like such a failure. I just feel so numb to the point where I didn't even study for my winter exam and just accepted my failure in courses. I even skipped midterms, where I was just about to enter the room and write it and I decided not to and went home. 
I'm on Cipralex (10 mg) and Abilify (4 mg) but they're not working and I still think about suicide everyday. I'm not able to see my psychiatrist until 2 weeks later, but it's been so bad these few days and I'm scared because I'm thinking about killing myself that I upped my medication by myself to 20 mg of Cipralex just because I can't take this sadness and emptiness anymore. 
I don't know what to do. I feel like no one can help me and it's been 4 years since my depression began and I'm still thinking about killing myself. Maybe I should just do it. Someone please help. ",2.135979020979022,4.062578052447556,3.4293706293706308,90.06790209790212,77.91608391608392,6.777622377622378,25.685314685314694,7.748469712250963,1.3207384615384616,1097,42,236,17,26,357,140,286,0.259,0.644,0.097,-0.9958,0,1,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,3,26,20,2,1,5,0,18,3,0,2,1,57,46,29,4,2,18,0,6,2,4,1,3,0,3,0,13,17,0,0,15,0,0,3,12,12,0,2,8,7,29,8,29,37,6,30,0,5,1,0,8,13,0,3,16,150,42,7,0.09772396533357933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121255607967752,0.0,0.07814981977056716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475856599793254,0.0,0.09691591439809408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181488230712223,0.0,0.2447862873623393,0.1191432444525941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025552725280516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978709479992184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302387313821746,0.0,0.25250852443644817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909151489232318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964730388956573,0.13962804072096122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714928393714218,0.3020051728077845,0.0,0.051056738478869504,0.0,0.05553878154873799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310046280606358,0.0,0.19605021030935935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623417726314045,0.0,0.1611196069345577,0.0,0.11023688945259644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548598646766207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093281203860318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817685817127604,0.0,0.0,0.1968932279819908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438241467574286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622028802613475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727156798024998,0.09238073441729416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520894911567326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783873738250316,0.2967056104532781,0.07787334800641897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083827397553019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828011987008878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560849699011773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137883136670748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347626003330722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984692049961186,0.18785271319495095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440212952346156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838827037187739,0.0,0.0,0.09059109491874133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114421064965552,0.0,0.09958906946684434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125862059337532
suicidewatch,OldenSpectator,2018/01/11,"Ive given this some thought I am a 23 year old male. I have friends who care about me. A family that supports me. I am about to graduate in a field that i love. I have a girlfriend of 3 years who probably deserves better. Honestly i have absolutely no right to complain. But I just feel empty inside. Ive had this feeling for as long as i can remember. 

My childhood was not ideal. I was abused as a child by a family member and i am pretty sure my mother knew about it and let it happen. My mom was a single mom back then and needed the help to look after me and my younger brother. Five year old me thought it was normal and I genuinely believed that I deserved it.

Mom remarried with my dad soon after and they've been together since. Luckily my brother was too young to remember the time when they were separated. Unfortunately for me, I do remember. I have never talked about this with anyone since telling my mom back when it was happening. Not friends, not my brother, not even my girlfriend. I don't think i ever will. It will only cause them hurt. 

I know my human experience will forever be influenced by those early memories. Yeah I can go to therapy and try to learn to live with it. I can continue pretending to be happy too but now i just can't see the point. When i was younger I told myself it would get better as i got older. I was wrong. I don't want my brother to be hurt or guilty and honestly thats why I'm alive.
Thank you for listening",2.071145278450363,4.15291126101695,3.9989285714285714,85.1575211864407,78.76271186440678,7.604116222760291,25.11198547215497,8.527137837955566,1.834198547215497,1142,43,233,25,28,387,154,295,0.083,0.763,0.154,0.9392,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,1,2,3,17,17,0,0,10,1,35,1,0,2,3,42,59,19,0,5,9,10,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,3,18,11,0,0,11,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,17,5,47,13,29,34,2,28,0,2,2,1,29,3,0,2,24,171,65,2,0.0,0.11869443455032347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700467194472397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406124850614622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286619232972625,0.0,0.17719842972097308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021380492243424,0.10291030226759833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661665605254523,0.09061664909662843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799321235037373,0.1888776238121392,0.0,0.10130591613562794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479439963388547,0.0,0.05233881993889602,0.0,0.05693341121482151,0.0,0.08012142093210843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717397861629056,0.10664124117946487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714713712143372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448503545836411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505515593835243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243869368847053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845892422035123,0.08865429226848699,0.08412420857167359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041446920270536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46930859975424605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428064616750557,0.0772633750258017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815307574208736,0.0,0.0,0.21023971617546905,0.0,0.0,0.07618980987467877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470049925908999,0.0,0.0,0.10191694256450666,0.10800872360472356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404461087803185,0.08555138230900013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982881908984008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657363941305207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136806978399127,0.09441648858330193,0.0,0.0,0.08051920423965629,0.08755990326354082,0.09223035430622208,0.1145621633539422,0.0,0.0,0.06418995561844536,0.0,0.15906013095106508,0.05841454119672195,0.0,0.0,0.09572427991659772,0.0,0.0680142206920094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059087523061444575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039497632007336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116350847077978,0.10952881139245847,0.0,0.1935338563644849
suicidewatch,itsmauitime,2018/01/11,"My best friend, and the person i hold the closest to my heart is going to be gone forever, i have never come in contact with him irl nor do i have anyone to help me. People misjudge how important e-friends can be, i met Lucas 5 years ago on Steam, didnt talk too much til 2014, and then we became best friends, to me he was like a brother, he has severe depression, problems socializing and so on, he seemed to be growing happier in 2017, but it all was looming that he'd soon turn 18, and now his mother is threatening to kick him out, he lives too far from me, i cant drive to see him (underage). I know that once that happens...He's gonna do it.

My family is one that follows the mentality of ""everyone in the internet is a rapist"", and i was shunned and ordered to cut contact with him when i told them about it, if he goes away, i feel like i'm going too,  i cant live without him, and feeling so powerless, so far from him, I just dont know what to say.",8.332871287128711,4.421929886138614,8.919876237623765,76.08446782178221,64.4950495049505,12.476237623762374,38.616336633663366,10.125756701596842,3.526502970297029,735,27,167,12,8,251,123,202,0.109,0.787,0.104,-0.6223,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,2,12,10,2,0,6,0,21,2,1,1,2,26,37,17,0,2,4,2,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,5,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,7,4,27,6,24,25,4,26,0,1,1,1,28,10,0,2,10,113,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851506980207984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926063152924433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146811422234248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279704779689343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460416155937635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458651679431374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313556680138915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931313498910442,0.0,0.0,0.14730802971437795,0.0,0.15801951129152492,0.11163218166231684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621782860351007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761232827273232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516886304501104,0.10473779022291843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175282880438902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526814948132891,0.0,0.2759609015520857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747333634044766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148690861328676,0.0,0.12051735207611645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641180982563633,0.10588582614916936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833101528077678,0.13644021264210365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951972525187648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242642309859971,0.0,0.0,0.12451899613313627,0.1422532434914639,0.0,0.17652933254335906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928740090352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559587622206247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931313498910442,0.0,0.0,0.16996601861682686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062907253873076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062632261981903
suicidewatch,verysaddude1,2018/01/11,Im feeling suicidal I keep trying to search ways to kill myself.. I've lost intrest in everything i don't even want to do my favorite thing in this world(play video games) I just want to go to sleep and never wake up...,2.1976666666666667,4.04331271111111,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,77.44444444444444,6.277777777777778,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9793333333333334,172,6,36,2,4,56,34,45,0.276,0.634,0.08900000000000001,-0.8571,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,8,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,8,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137177657723647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26040131562078805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650219835140146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466698532095528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129709461990092,0.0,0.0,0.2575358923583476,0.32055645713105746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162874845919909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346679690798213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899511242691383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169305855001056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924916279727664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671571475049252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417945310144193,0.22998361491469785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cupofbuttercake,2018/01/11,"Lost my job. I was falsely accused of theft of hundreds of dollars of merchandise at my retail job. During the interrogation by internal LP, I admitted to using change found on the ground to buy candy out of the company's junk machines a few times. Was told to resign to avoid being fired for theft. 

It was a pretty good job. I was making decent money and I had health insurance. I had been planning on using my dental to take care of some issues that have been causing me a lot of stress and pain, and I used my medical for therapy and my bipolar medication. 

I feel so fucking hopeless. I called the Suicide Prevention Hotline and someone hung up on me instead of answering the call. Right now that just seems like an omen. It's finally time for me to kill myself and make sure it sticks.",4.795525846702315,6.12943551633987,5.876375519904933,77.70550802139039,69.65359477124184,8.700891265597148,30.90255496137849,9.095868883498916,2.7572013071895425,626,26,113,12,11,208,100,153,0.185,0.725,0.091,-0.9522,3,1,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,12,2,2,9,0,10,6,0,6,1,24,24,7,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,8,0,0,11,2,17,4,24,12,3,12,0,3,0,1,4,8,1,3,5,78,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870930244235617,0.0,0.1433292956880481,0.14441299060510787,0.14871356430805122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710807858531699,0.0,0.0,0.1539970320563599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541372261213341,0.0,0.1299626902666394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791069610083905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942852383257094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146727579889805,0.4185078348275544,0.0,0.1555294401011667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867962410378206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345819525790086,0.11951493520056365,0.0,0.0,0.18767467172416666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832363865448053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495855877606499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301901893940386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200533930754332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279775168888007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191118280805625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103236067412666,0.0,0.0,0.15377021868448476,0.0,0.13249370741612013,0.0,0.10569764436267948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076392990386454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394507455838933,0.0,0.0,0.13432891782136788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642444348329512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Persona-User,2018/01/11,"In July last year I planned to kill myself at the end of January if life didn't improve. (It hasn't). I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was 10. I have been on and off medications and in and out of therapy.

July last year I was admitted to hospital due to mental health problems, I received a lot help whilst I was there and thought; ""This could be the turning point I will commit myself to getting better as hard as I can. 

Well I have, I have tried medication, therapy and self discipline. My life is by no means bad compared to most people but I still want to die.

I was bullied quite a lot at school, always the subject of everyone's joke's or banter. The biggest bully I had in my life ended up becoming a professional footballer (no joke).

My parents were not supportive growing up because my sister got all of the attention by making their lives hell. Faked being raped,got pregnant at 16, drug convictions, other criminal charges, violent threats, stole from the family, assaulted my grandma I could write a novel about all she has done. 

Even though I was a well behaved hard working kid I was still yelled at for the slightest thing I did wrong. I remember a time when I got a letter home from my high school saying that my effort grades had gone down (bare in mind this was before I had my learning difficulties diagnosis).

I came home to the letter and a note from my mum basically threatening me to improve my grades and she also left an application to become an apprentice plumber with the end of the note saying ""make your choice"".

I don't know why this memory sticks out, probably because I considered a plumber to be a good job and thought it was bang out of order to label plumbers like that. 

Maybe it was the fact that my sister was out there pumping god knows what into her veins and getting knocked up repeatedly with no job but is regularly given money and support. She is 37 now and not worked a single day in her life yet she is treated like a queen.

My dad is an alcoholic, to be honest I cant blame him with what he has had to put up with but it turned him in to a real bastard at points. He was violent, selfish and emotionally abusive. 

I have worked very hard my whole life at everything, school, career, myself, hobbies etc and I have nothing to show for it. I wanted to prove I could be better than my family, bullies and other arse holes. I know that might sound self absorbed but there we go. 

Despite my learning difficulties I managed to graduate university, it was gruelling work I also had a low paying job whilst I was there, I even had my own Youtube channel which I dedicated myself to. 

I graduated, then shorty after where I worked was shut down from lack of business which I was expecting anyway as it was pretty obvious business was going bad.

Since then I have applied for numerous jobs only to be rejected by all of them. I feel like I am cursed, no matter how hard I work I am kicked straight in the balls! To make it worse I see friends and people I despise glide through life getting everything they want with 0 effort.

I am just sick of trying now, fighting this hard is bad enough without depression and anxiety joining in. I suppose I want a reason to carry on or just anyone who is in the same boat to chime in.

Sorry if this a bit of a ramble I just wanted to get this stuff off my chest and out there.",4.827629904559917,6.002409695121955,5.675092788971369,79.77515641569462,69.42682926829268,8.692152704135736,30.41940615058325,9.02518940039,2.548182635206787,2664,106,502,49,46,873,318,656,0.211,0.698,0.091,-0.9984,6,1,2,0,2,2,63.0,1,1,3,13,25,36,9,1,33,0,63,14,2,5,7,91,95,36,2,13,14,5,6,3,1,2,12,4,2,3,27,32,1,1,14,6,2,7,11,21,2,0,36,11,84,15,89,48,14,71,1,4,1,0,34,41,2,8,25,367,111,24,0.0,0.07293585713418232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578650426555382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845540653639688,0.05122097183175646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941830068068382,0.0,0.0,0.043042603822810006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541944274954755,0.0750500551574102,0.135971377261618,0.0523811036818047,0.0,0.0,0.10888563902337677,0.06720510989876967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704056565785848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744654166052487,0.0,0.0,0.0396996504249038,0.0,0.10603918430984156,0.0,0.06388721648391489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299494147346202,0.0,0.0,0.07138743631520145,0.0,0.0,0.06924417322275632,0.16356566176338946,0.06360560191406857,0.06865315331176727,0.0813166147819433,0.0,0.0,0.058821059561216166,0.11064825675849213,0.0,0.11606231950467198,0.0,0.031125443472174486,0.04397686249764159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475593580256785,0.0,0.12864551596196505,0.0,0.06996936566162798,0.051631712595756885,0.14770004674518306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757182239891196,0.0,0.0,0.0654330001540599,0.0,0.0,0.041260856236539474,0.06503913316156293,0.12349486674583282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443462378613393,0.0,0.06810451992086307,0.0,0.1014915738020724,0.10035554989707077,0.0,0.0,0.06688266575372638,0.0,0.2608803178445653,0.09022200860925607,0.0,0.054356613126991936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466838021037006,0.0,0.0,0.12327081044044792,0.0,0.061843024795814,0.06705442626096747,0.0,0.1240258957867184,0.06203572443148295,0.0653030353525762,0.062155770309373234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059066312747788625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468174359577413,0.0,0.0,0.06835258655562687,0.0,0.0,0.08535277358716731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638392500312734,0.0,0.0,0.0626263530434188,0.06636965636952045,0.058902444619216385,0.0,0.061882532105739976,0.0,0.06547423488644208,0.0,0.0700661860062854,0.0,0.06329161021475363,0.0,0.0,0.0697329206320453,0.0,0.0,0.09790637284106896,0.0,0.18689916102538,0.04905354969999472,0.0,0.12843629829501568,0.0,0.0,0.10184239901419412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890885128598534,0.0,0.0,0.09832018302126247,0.0,0.0,0.0643535165518346,0.07046888592844314,0.0,0.1397099900762521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079328337544558,0.0,0.04089622785701951,0.0,0.06048016802449226,0.09773994063616018,0.03589481383372334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358733081763732,0.13391429099888216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079158320484007,0.1815417528525764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069560396201997,0.0,0.055546286593019516,0.06872701951569014,0.0,0.059339465667892985,0.0,0.2688886117506163,0.0,0.06273259714306101,0.0,0.06730372632939413,0.0,0.07928233395780541
suicidewatch,babyrosegirl76,2018/01/11,"well my sister just outright told me she would rather have to be around her bullies than live with me, all because i told her to stop talking with an attitude when i asked if she locked the door.

the only reason im not dead yet is because im a selfish gluttonous bitch and im afraid of hurting people by dying but apparently i wouldnt be!",5.487142857142856,5.187919571428573,6.069285714285716,82.71821428571431,67.57142857142857,8.142857142857144,31.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.887428571428572,270,10,55,2,4,88,53,70,0.121,0.8240000000000001,0.055,-0.5301,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,4,0,6,1,0,1,1,14,9,4,2,4,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,10,1,8,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,9,1,1,1,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177747149176172,0.18666293880579235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434319259903691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722420686065926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374908091044928,0.0,0.6470281911011956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631079678840886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518567652111637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842488202950062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529230180169875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669316675651921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048584336046387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815832989795548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952581123773506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183865552657576,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordovHavok,2018/01/11,"Dating for a week, then she just disappeared. I was taking this girl out on a date for a week, we met up three times and I honestly had one of the best times of my life, she was absolutely beautiful and we got along very well. Took her out to eat, went to the movies and she was all over me, cuddly, affectionate and seemed compassionate.

I stayed at her house and we ended up getting intimate, it was like an angel graced my presence, unfortunately I kinda of let the ""I love you"" slip out and kind of made her back off. 

We talked a bit about it and I apologized for coming on so strong and that we can take it slow. The following day we made plans to hang out and I asked when she said: ""Whenever.""

That is the last time I have heard from her, my heart feels like it is going to explode and my suicidal thoughts are racing.

I fell head over heels for this girl and she was really into me too, then just left like nothing.

Fuck this hurts. ",2.6184722222222234,4.342767682539684,3.6263988095238098,90.10245535714287,75.87830687830687,7.476322751322753,20.807208994709,8.278499904357787,0.7947589947089949,728,17,162,13,16,234,114,189,0.058,0.742,0.2,0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,6,1,0,3,8,14,1,0,10,0,12,7,3,2,1,33,32,15,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,9,24,1,0,3,0,0,8,0,2,1,2,15,3,31,12,28,16,3,38,1,1,0,2,26,14,1,2,18,114,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066807867652198,0.0,0.0,0.11570127069883215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790779254046494,0.0,0.16427303147701625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961560534490868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703997112273384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396721535477556,0.0,0.0,0.13327075448027384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608158014981856,0.10749498852419473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910604275580635,0.07861377254210755,0.0,0.08551492457249812,0.0,0.12034369839176175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544244676305938,0.0,0.0,0.1783063316658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362086997816806,0.16108003400625934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669017002416832,0.0,0.12265220927372204,0.0,0.0,0.16348486407028087,0.1538646109052094,0.1062806105308738,0.2205344635625584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580402700548147,0.2847545599478022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443789358854452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196159832485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639420906301692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313034937345406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369812051411898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037979151464601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458851822017415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262677235403016,0.12094117549378892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945547272276373,0.2632188188510121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717644750912414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415257350436874,0.0,0.0,0.2413940976482227,0.0,0.13528958185925927,0.1394861470289532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teun2305,2018/01/11,"My story (so far) I've been suicidal for 5 or 6 years now, but only depressed since a couple of months. I'm still in secondary school and my grades are good (in contrast to other people from my class), so nobody expects something like that. I don't have any real friends and almost none social contacts. I've told some 'friends' I'm suicidal and that I probably won't even make it to the end of the secondary school. But I don't think they take me seriously at all, and honestly don't care at all about that. But since I tell it in a somewhat joking way, I also don't really expect them to take me seriously. The last thing I want is people to feel sorry for me.

When I was around 10 years old, my parents forced me to go into therapy. For something like emotional instability, I don't recall the exact reason but it was something like that. After 1 or 2 years they realized it didn't helped at all so I could quit. They made me participate in the sessions without even consulting it with me. I've never forgiven them for that, and I probably never will.

Lately I've been feeling more lonely than ever before. I don't know why, but I just feels that way. I have never had many friends but it feels different now. I also met a girl I really like. We talk a lot about stuff at school, but I think she isn't into me and that she's far out of my league. I'm afraid of rejection if I'd ask her out, which could easily result in my depression getting worse and me committing suicide. That's basically why I won't ask her. Besides I have never been good in expressing my feelings, so this is like a first for me 

Now I just want someone to talk to somebody. Not a professional (since I don't want that kind of help) or an adult (including my family, because they'll most likely put me back in therapy), but just someone who isn't too close to me and who I trust, perhaps her. I don't remember how it feels to be happy, I'm not sure if I've ever been actually. Yet I want to be happy and have a reason to live again. I can't even remember having one before.

It feels really great to get this stuff of my chest. I genuinely hope that someone reads this and helps me to feel better again even though I don't know anyone on this subreddit, I'm using not my real name and I'd probably deny that I wrote this if someone confronts me with this. I know that will not happen, but still. So thank you for reading a story about a guy you dont know and will not here from again.

BTW, I know my grammar isn't that good, but you don't have to feel the need to correct it.",3.9554594741122235,4.526307001897532,5.418528598536189,83.03283491461103,71.01138519924098,8.603502304147467,26.632095418812685,8.759644201051973,1.7861406234751955,1998,61,420,34,35,676,222,527,0.109,0.728,0.163,0.9807,2,2,3,0,0,1,56.0,1,3,6,3,35,32,1,1,16,0,42,1,1,7,13,104,85,38,3,13,25,1,9,6,3,6,0,0,0,3,35,21,0,0,21,3,0,2,29,8,0,2,12,9,68,24,54,63,9,51,0,4,0,0,40,20,0,12,33,293,103,10,0.0,0.0,0.06213122316263429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375475603986731,0.0,0.0,0.10183127332920856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04329672945627798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451846078215187,0.0,0.0,0.05667841922055624,0.11904281275521025,0.0,0.0,0.04895710822571932,0.0,0.038811696325082815,0.0,0.10835432352484548,0.0,0.0,0.05630957028711284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491422831278028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166815355625894,0.07044792921174632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967508581735397,0.0,0.0,0.06651997937559744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461894951872594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161843699558414,0.05639134912698837,0.0,0.0,0.16820964368279515,0.11518351668294274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002094855163202,0.0,0.2897341332375186,0.045484753582352634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054156351260220274,0.0,0.0,0.14757026018731206,0.0,0.06652827487770863,0.0,0.036184247518832764,0.16020622602934426,0.0,0.07019469117338657,0.0,0.06304177569003078,0.05630180029050572,0.13555249840883418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280268603939075,0.0,0.0,0.06323713702063666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630089337348131,0.17495257592633648,0.05189828467111031,0.07182078508795793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663113265604092,0.0,0.056220408033544764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412863959983493,0.0,0.06024462706818112,0.042499184937544274,0.06454981539819897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081954955955518,0.0,0.0,0.04720934912264916,0.19642013548249848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680932835447148,0.0,0.04314338964392538,0.0484227254277096,0.0,0.0,0.0706962793529404,0.0,0.0,0.08827937359994338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059360736893146,0.0,0.0,0.06400437784829595,0.0,0.06771923394859293,0.1273713596798501,0.1449372703713043,0.12236291866788546,0.13092354165114742,0.0,0.0,0.14424788542822636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330761225732626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800159994285656,0.0,0.0,0.06490196707600328,0.2157842851499905,0.14704525069158114,0.0,0.07127161744551727,0.0,0.0,0.1016914132319868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457702859930058,0.20892885230768274,0.0,0.060006760878361924,0.0,0.09574150190782213,0.10234857719077582,0.05564903182172598,0.058617354866964025,0.1456208432496957,0.0,0.04229848927089864,0.08159234420564827,0.06255392911126484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608379326683045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498909879961008,0.0,0.0,0.15021320620770762,0.10107410457693397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490174671891262,0.0,0.0,0.06137411403001593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488359015575862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300118353252094
suicidewatch,Filip1904,2018/01/11,"Im sick of my life, want to suicide I love my life and my family, 2 years ago i Moved from one land to another land with strange language to me , in land where i was born i could go out, have fun , and talk to people , everyday situations, where I live now i don’t have anyone to talk to my so called friends ditched me cuz i don’t live there where I used to, im in a school, my mother expects too much from me , doing bad in math right now , but its not language barrier that makes my math bad but its just that i plain simply don’t understand math, , my mom forced me to take instructions but i don want to since i have 1 year before final exam for my diploma, anyways i also work part time job in mcdonalds , since im sneaker head i want those speed trainer balenciagas , my brother always says me stop being idiot throwing so much money on shoes , help parents instead, buy groceries for the house , go shopping after school , they expect too much from an 18yr old , i wake up everyday at 4:30 am , go by bus to school which comes in 6:30 am in the morning,, come everyday back home at 4:30-5 pm , go to sleep till 7 pm , and then my brother always says me go study blah blah blah , i don’t want to cuz i remember stuff we learned in school, anyways parents want me to pay for the rent  and to pay driving license myself because i work , i don’t want to , my brother didn’t pay for his driving license nor the rent when he was my age , he didn’t work back then , he lived on back of our parents , always fight with my brother and mother thinks im 0 , she says i passed math cuz teacher looked through my fingers, its not cuz of teacher , its cuz i learned math. They want to command with my life ,she still acts as i was an child not 18 year old. She laughs when i say ill move out, she says if i don’t make it in school i will rot in mcdonalds whole life , my dad also didn’t make his university , he got only primary school education but still earns  hefty amount of money as a bauhaus painter. Im scared and in depressed cuz i don’t have anyone to talk to , i can’t trust anyone in my family , i wanted to get drunk on New Year’s Eve my brother was cheeky and threatens to say that to mother like i killed someone , i think by ending my life i would show them what I am capable of and end my life snd misery in the foreign country.",3.7226874999999993,4.2639022270833316,4.641249999999999,88.50375000000004,71.52083333333334,7.5,27.5,7.413659706084162,1.2684999999999995,1799,60,398,18,32,585,222,480,0.13699999999999998,0.787,0.076,-0.9873,6,0,0,0,1,2,51.0,2,0,3,4,23,13,3,1,9,0,27,15,5,10,0,55,54,31,2,13,9,13,1,4,1,2,8,6,3,1,12,16,1,2,6,3,9,14,15,7,0,1,8,8,70,6,63,42,6,74,0,1,1,1,43,27,0,1,34,235,82,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468774021701786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867285478421194,0.15400229484378944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469122072685597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941300267667133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231593515463986,0.10302332049295948,0.03760790521623925,0.0,0.05249679239423733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629961626491133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628731487493566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049257397182905616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313669103064066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928460818720012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631865431554204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758242976040058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047664397448435536,0.0,0.03223241049353232,0.0,0.1753097493615282,0.0,0.049342085507923385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331553199852394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135198481147118,0.0,0.061883808526565824,0.0,0.0,0.0711862434585878,0.0,0.0,0.3331988985445182,0.0,0.061221475015308974,0.0,0.06825493531242009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614564971525423,0.030140424201590164,0.0,0.16342999482690113,0.0,0.05180716772543472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055680970440272884,0.0,0.12354306589781693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225491257294284,0.0,0.1311412733610035,0.13605589811368352,0.0,0.0,0.05958415723045795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947431450924649,0.0,0.04180524589406908,0.04692083677415498,0.0,0.0,0.20551064947871606,0.06680826210211226,0.0,0.04277064170408379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988693250340819,0.052686080352826827,0.0,0.2943678254852674,0.061766153487984685,0.3746238916464337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206732776110587,0.06934630056037389,0.061738251688569966,0.0,0.0522728694663507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853733261492063,0.05157869335206985,0.0,0.0,0.07062452325004573,0.06748289148639111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046385982447806375,0.14876117077315476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906166021591023,0.0,0.0,0.035974090987191856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422531457010405,0.0,0.0532835462346347,0.0,0.0,0.2911083284775658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887880975755678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474123907349153,0.0,0.0,0.043825432439402456,0.0,0.0,0.1589148732564509
suicidewatch,batseba15,2018/01/11,"Waking up disappointed because i live to see another day This is my first day on Reddit, I just want to let it out because I have no one to talk too. Everyday I wake up with an emptiness inside of me that's just enough to bare but just enough to be in pain the rest of the day till I fall asleep. I can't stand the sight of my body, I deteriorate slowly throughout the day & anger is what ends up tiring me out. I'm tired of living with this black cape of shit over me, I hate myself & I hate everyone around me. I don't even feel like I I have to kill myself because that would end up being a pleasure I don't deserve. I deserve to feel this misery everyday until I just don't wake up anymore. But I'm trying & I think that's a step forward.  Thank you guys for listening, it's nice to know that I'll be heard with no judgement. ",3.23693668528864,3.6984987597765375,4.6643715083798885,88.18955540037247,72.57541899441341,7.530912476722532,24.97253258845437,7.492282038375204,0.9580610800744882,654,18,149,7,12,219,99,179,0.261,0.6729999999999999,0.066,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,0,1,7,11,5,0,7,0,13,9,6,0,0,18,26,4,1,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,7,0,2,1,7,25,4,30,20,3,26,0,1,3,0,5,12,1,0,13,100,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257885089020226,0.0,0.0,0.1373562679367169,0.0,0.0,0.12990861432739118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166104265457138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395540591465107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455023007575808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337915360125504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320396145699649,0.2706989815621785,0.0,0.08651881337155955,0.0,0.0,0.12516822762829308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246672612220298,0.0935805301119118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142151294020892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970242385919448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586544613877952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492295983037473,0.0,0.07198963833007642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394793610059047,0.0,0.06399595085459951,0.0,0.231336224669725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876339774806967,0.0,0.13938445423669366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438346266841336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344611457235688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528620422634076,0.0,0.12059960118893145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393422215659291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30111148664357257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893479757649529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726232616208516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305277861436344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NamelessCupcake,2018/01/11,"My girlfriend threatens to commit suicide on a daily basis, however, I’m clinically depressed as well...We just had a huge fight and I had a mental breakdown, I have no idea how long I can hang on to this... My girlfriend has her issues, I know, and I tried my best to help, I’ve lost count how many times have I talked her out of it...basically every time we have a fight or sth she will threat to commit suicide. I love her very much, but I know this kind of relationship is toxic to me and to her, so I tried to break up with her, and even if I hint on that, she will immediately threaten to kill herself. We just had a big fight, I was just saying that I’m sad and depressed, she responded by she will commit suicide if I feel sad about her...so I lost it, and became really depressed all of a sudden...I didn’t and can’t console her as I usually do, and it went really bad...I suggested we break up, but I couldn’t do it, she couldn’t do it, and she was talking about killing herself all the time. I’m so worried about her that I just swallowed my feelings and made up with her. Now, I don’t know what to do... I’m desperate, trapped and helpless...",3.898875,3.982942804166669,5.301666666666666,85.55,70.95833333333334,8.233333333333333,28.5,8.021203637495839,1.610575,883,30,198,11,15,298,112,240,0.287,0.657,0.056,-0.9965,2,1,0,0,3,6,47.0,3,0,0,3,13,17,6,0,7,0,23,3,0,3,5,42,37,22,5,4,9,0,2,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,10,17,1,0,6,0,0,2,6,14,0,0,10,3,41,3,27,22,4,19,0,8,0,1,32,9,0,3,6,139,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093764043683763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747249176829882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384806572233521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652179347257828,0.0,0.11036999784896506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247128887809478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780403098118976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787883124923093,0.0,0.13672606027539627,0.0,0.0,0.2898559032710972,0.1364124452775242,0.21597635394088627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592756681316388,0.0,0.0,0.28599578171115386,0.0,0.11822923798918115,0.12395182741972148,0.0,0.132809645732512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201341820674042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629732282994337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783911545760435,0.0,0.0,0.14064095795415635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417348279093937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298659366740477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057966152313512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291549158252235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787572178997346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427387204001338,0.10808563253595456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778136866625875,0.12143484428936988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303305950623595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GaladwenTheEldar,2018/01/11,"Not Really Good with Titles. Just seeking release. I'm more than willing that I'm not a good person. I know that I've fucked up a lot and done some shitty things. I try to improve, and for the most part I've been much better than I have. I still think about every mistake I've ever made, every thing I've ever done wrong, most nights.

I've thought about killing myself quite a lot before, I've tried a few times before. With any luck this time I'll succeed. It's hard being told that the person you love more than anything in the world doesn't love you anymore. It's actually crushing. I've had my fair share of shitty things happen to me in life, before I've usually had a reason to keep fighting and keep trying. I just don't see a reason to anymore.

I finally got a job after a good while of unemployment with the express purpose of buying a gun to shoot myself. Three weeks and I should be good. But, before that I've managed to find a (possibly) successful method for offing myself by making a sort of poison out of tobacco. I've got a fair amount of that at my house so I'm debating on giving it a shot. Probably going to up the dosage and steeping time to be safe, though.

There's not really a reason to keep going anymore and staying alive is now far too painful. I've been self-harming to distract myself from the emotional pain, so I've got that going for me at least. I don't know why I even posted this. I guess to get some of this out there. Not everything, but some of it. I think I'm done now. Goodbye.",2.3184688202579578,4.058000099041536,3.8224849130280445,88.30494024375814,76.76357827476039,6.298378890072183,22.455212400899306,7.0931098945946705,0.7058054431428236,1193,34,246,13,27,395,155,313,0.131,0.777,0.092,-0.8209,3,0,2,2,2,1,36.0,0,2,0,4,16,21,4,1,20,0,17,7,0,5,2,48,46,12,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,16,11,0,4,9,0,1,3,7,9,0,1,13,2,21,12,43,28,14,30,0,0,1,3,11,11,1,10,14,158,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.08352178231804605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820294255699405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546416268007976,0.0,0.0,0.0704318342673434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131717555188635,0.0,0.0,0.07569584876242033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26275947528115945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627525743451433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056530229602495874,0.154838937933632,0.14422357811171355,0.0,0.07692119718026458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375774050575528,0.07822610672703349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912495472633492,0.04471632626470508,0.08210404491557713,0.14592531858093769,0.2871494417848133,0.20535821805161067,0.0,0.0942851028093424,0.0,0.07568540370867444,0.0,0.07667025760722321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987573451477255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493312815497828,0.2282242980593114,0.09469071378384644,0.0,0.09407412388616077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045350963872208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552813299668824,0.154493468085004,0.08098566826295119,0.057130819133505935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291720907759113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031877142095599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214385736383665,0.0,0.0,0.09268373043137536,0.0,0.0,0.14946471107926668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648788804342487,0.08196988135773954,0.0,0.09227860562736727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103363540411916,0.0,0.0,0.10966004462338448,0.2639969162719878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820275130228128,0.0,0.08928720718861159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122568287627973,0.06835088420313308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058308367849045,0.10968298489352167,0.08409001761793143,0.0679475074105441,0.1497215844265425,0.0,0.0,0.08178323732177803,0.0,0.17432640361327748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426336168872797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686537287281966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723008005411196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357731166519358,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tooscaredtologin,2018/01/11,"I'm too scared to talk My first month at college, I cut myself and was involuntarily committed for 4 weeks. That was 15 years ago. Nothing has ever changed. Every time I asked for help, I just got told to pray. 3 years ago, my husband found me cutting again, and I barely saved my marriage. Every time he asks ""why is there blood in the bathroom"", I die inside. I can't tell him the only reason I safe is because I don't want to hurt him. That's cruel.

I have no future. This isn't what people expected of me. It isn't what I expected of myself. I'm hurting. I can't even express it. I'm hurting too much to keep hurting. I can't deal with it myself, but asking for help has always made the situation worse.

I've pounded my legs into a bruised mess this afternoon because I don't have to answer why there's blood in the bathroom. I cleaned the shower with pure bleach just so I could cry. My husband hasn't wanted me in months. The bills keep coming. I can't pull myself together enough to work. My in-laws are coming over in two hours. I'm going to be all smiles while cooking dinner for everyone.

I can't believe the only way I can get some of this pain out of my head is through a reddit post. It's low. I'm not angry. I'm just really tired. I'm too scared to kill myself because I know I'll just mess it up. I want to make everything stop.",1.048907117617368,3.0252036219081297,3.070513629480065,91.05045494699648,81.68551236749117,5.4562847046946,21.06120646138314,6.5431188927421005,0.2964690560323069,1047,31,227,10,28,353,151,283,0.208,0.716,0.076,-0.9891,1,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,0,2,13,16,4,2,9,0,23,8,4,3,4,36,48,5,2,6,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,12,8,2,4,4,1,1,4,12,14,0,2,6,0,37,2,29,40,4,33,1,5,0,0,16,10,0,1,17,135,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811766119051779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503311679088643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28661117400839364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688849148521772,0.0,0.0,0.1151369956288887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081070941070832,0.17606117496465226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159313492797618,0.0,0.1122546795821422,0.0,0.10535693467753464,0.0,0.0,0.1060606416950736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559312685200477,0.0,0.06749779391637317,0.09243980429908738,0.17220473756640448,0.09765019773270987,0.0918448616179859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692567576014552,0.0,0.11204981662053873,0.0,0.0,0.053391847090235575,0.0,0.058078878917333335,0.0,0.08173341814075617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487993765096901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369961983063499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063993909206408,0.0,0.4376007036347517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166842466926986,0.11306188440625325,0.0,0.056162834217916284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669789040359916,0.06821490525091936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313963494565648,0.0,0.07512392647216683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805734820470118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554454106306614,0.10874101019868056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708480540812769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787305302205926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546772536479042,0.10507186198950044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046268939795384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486969230973094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854382798680369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213920462116282,0.08932155848642928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917961677633618,0.11745630967010948,0.0,0.09765019773270987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982812769831984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808289907904233,0.08111638466913462,0.08197340194566992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844273431858588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439803108328168,0.0,0.10414383149509662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316184313142687
suicidewatch,dontletgo95,2018/01/11,"I want to die but I can’t even do that right. Over the last few days the thoughts and the screaming inside my head have gotten worse. I don’t feel real. I’m not important I’m not useful I am nothing. There are no good qualities about me. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I exist. Today I was in a room full of people and it felt like I wasn’t even there, no-one noticed. No-one notices how much pain I’m in or understands how I really feel. I’m such a burden to everyone in my life and I’ve already lost two people I love because I’m too fucked up to ever be good enough. I’m falling further behind in my post grad because I have no motivation. What’s the point? It doesn’t matter if I do well because I could always do better. It’ll never be enough. 

Today I practiced tying a noose. Then I put it on in front of the mirror and slowly tightened it. Until my face started to get hot and I felt it cut into my neck and black spots danced in front of me. It left a big red mark but I hope that fades. I don’t have anywhere to tie to hang yet. I’m still working on that part. But. I was calm (well until after). The whole time I was making it was the calmest and warmest inside I’ve felt in a long time. What the fuck. ",-0.6238636363636374,1.4811634318181852,1.788333333333334,96.49,90.8181818181818,4.1090909090909085,17.090909090909093,5.565023196281405,-0.5939909090909089,942,24,216,6,33,319,139,264,0.147,0.6759999999999999,0.177,0.7695,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,4,15,17,3,0,13,0,22,8,3,5,2,35,48,17,1,4,7,0,7,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,13,8,0,0,9,1,0,6,11,7,2,1,11,10,27,10,26,33,7,43,0,1,2,3,1,19,2,3,19,140,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503839010925916,0.0,0.09428147959219256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721483771211924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002118740267692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046735878790556,0.0,0.0,0.07307439994787765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117595997922784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341552705601892,0.0,0.22451694539062012,0.10249373245912544,0.0,0.10827081814901544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718760553680302,0.08094738377317262,0.32638085496573177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950316629109048,0.05919884548283458,0.0,0.0,0.190075044784244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162868782710556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254058549219496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923612867075455,0.0,0.0,0.12310966506148685,0.0,0.08003291582614902,0.11071330302491976,0.0,0.0,0.10027417040581672,0.0,0.0,0.12368925933237368,0.0,0.1022650529376142,0.0,0.07563408751809038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329454697031738,0.0,0.08739025077322392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872225107732264,0.25800421938847684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056788838040228,0.0,0.0,0.122701713108092,0.0,0.1571072452027624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711285102207466,0.0,0.10851791160163436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390601308785152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289695109212815,0.07258811914547267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676456343620483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120646836216808,0.0,0.08020011036367525,0.0,0.09048805594188901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995403531876181,0.13214181757604065,0.0,0.21480580466881907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068562390182407,0.11795780753304032,0.0,0.09786188411054618,0.0,0.0,0.06683209808248619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375531647800696,0.0,0.0,0.1265045323463274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248970182437798,0.0,0.1154707118157763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ellafintwow,2018/01/11,"I really want to die. I really just don’t want to deal with it anymore. 

I feel bad for wanting to leave my unborn daughter but at least she won’t know what a disappointment I turned out to be. 

I’m too much of a pussy to do it myself. Actually maybe not. If it’s peaceful and quiet and my wife won’t be the one to discover me. 

Any ideas?

I hate to sound like this, but don’t give me any talks about not doing it.I’ve made up my mind. Can a doctor put me under and kill me non violently if I pay them enough?",0.6129464285714263,2.084454401785713,3.2119285714285724,91.98307142857144,80.875,6.622857142857143,18.34285714285714,7.554174236665415,0.1578185714285718,391,8,96,6,10,137,75,112,0.266,0.6859999999999999,0.048,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,3,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,0,20,19,7,2,5,7,2,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,5,0,1,1,3,16,1,15,14,3,5,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,1,64,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.1892634522127225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637800471098276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234245258265445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193692288924594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994995064360235,0.0,0.0,0.2012854695997596,0.0,0.0,0.1985120889671803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039820413324924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980649940724026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860508067485656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914816570569955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189415809675516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145726645891441,0.0,0.10658772452186492,0.0,0.0,0.2053609550020579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475228572380603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351652383127734,0.0,0.0,0.19484496230367307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583031009352148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257272609760466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314229214962349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496943552177104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24849372270565895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558865580151347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095770353851154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431833689366752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gloomy_Gloa,2018/01/11,"Didn't get the job. Once again. Failed at life again. I want to fucking go already. Once again, my attempt to find a job in my profession turned out futile. I'm still stuck in a shitty dead-end job with little money and all my tries to get out of this situation have turned to shit so far. 

It hurts getting your hopes up only to have them crushed again. I'm tired of trying and failing. I'm tired of putting all my ressources into imrpoving my situation only for it to lead to nothing. I'm tired of trying to create a happy and meaningful life. 

Everything hurts. I love my family, but I can't do it much longer, I'm afraid. I want to go to rest and finally stop trying and failing. I'm losing the will to hold on, even for my family's sake.",1.4941176470588218,3.5496831176470636,3.350091503267976,89.2114117647059,80.56862745098039,6.432941176470589,21.31111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.7595903267973854,579,17,124,9,15,194,85,153,0.217,0.705,0.078,-0.966,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,6,7,12,2,1,5,0,6,8,1,1,2,20,25,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,2,0,1,4,2,9,0,0,2,0,13,3,26,22,4,21,0,6,0,2,3,10,2,1,7,71,17,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639420007867996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144560297130367,0.0,0.0,0.07565047207224274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293828487815236,0.0,0.2159501913323026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546945907635346,0.10468455450979536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588742023219712,0.17952224226126318,0.0,0.13018779881803216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192654678631963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376087989650906,0.0,0.0,0.2452280133046261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340980283540864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180144941039767,0.0,0.11479595726715308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281373748673257,0.0,0.0,0.10337392820524208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419772220379619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990114271036193,0.0,0.0,0.24395589460723965,0.0,0.17422078579698005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514111302785028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757037288153972,0.0,0.2574883102339872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146923146927956,0.09575788822172933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949295862357908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110518583475085,0.2491662831378632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511353703985673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatisthislife1,2018/01/11,Girl just suddenly stopped talking to me when I thought things were going so well I thought things were finally going well for me I found a date we seemed to really like each other we were sending flirty messages back and forth. But literally out of nowhere she blocked me and I went on a mad crying spree for hours and hours angry upset confused. I just feel so frustrated that literally no girl wants me. I may aswell just end it.,3.391957831325304,5.858596072289162,3.8104668674698807,86.22244728915665,76.22891566265059,7.041566265060243,27.24246987951807,8.07648339933343,1.845965060240964,346,14,66,6,8,108,57,83,0.238,0.6409999999999999,0.121,-0.9057,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,0,9,7,2,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,21,13,7,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,1,4,2,0,7,1,13,3,7,5,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,10,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408089074876825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439482727136976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899692262502046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789452324210327,0.0,0.0,0.23375425798952204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339670605299021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425447000092601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202850380562347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424976609616322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670072584814272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194258870448456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840049899547614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151182250087665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28352874785403204,0.0,0.0,0.33880976848016753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586076654666895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837198151138321,0.1978112350312788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monicatidwell2017,2018/01/11,"I don't want to be on this earth anymore. I have lost almost everything except my husband (Surprising),First off I was Physically and mentally abused by my mother every since I can remember, Anyway,   I was previously married for 8 year's and have 3 kid's out of that marriage, Life was good for a while (I was used to being abused , So my ex husband beating me up so nothing to me , It seemed) but up until I let my step brother move in, Turn's out he was ""touching"" my oldest daughter and abusing my other kid's , My I saw, My oldest was 5. Other's were, 3 years old and 2 year's old. Police got involved etc. My ex husband lost his job, And 6 month's later we got evicted with no where to go , I couldn't have my kid's living in the car so I was forced to let family take them while we figured thing's out. Nothing ever worked out , We lived in the car for 6 month's Fighting etc. I reconnected with my now husband on Facebook we got to talk etc. I then left my ex husband for my now husband, 6 month's later I was pregnant And we had our Son. Not long after he was born, Me and my husband had post partum depression on top of drinking ( May I remind you that, We live with his parent's, And is mother is insane , And it's hard to be sober when she is around in which she is always around and never leave's us alone And is alway's harassing us. I'm going to cut this short and just say my son got taken away and put with family friend's until we can get our own place because this house has crazy people in it and they don't like that,  and my other kid's are gone. And after my son got taken away My Father died, The only Sane parent I had, Gone, I lost my mind for a while, I even cheated on my husband. Now 5 month's later ( haven't cheated on him since) I can't do anything, I can't go anywhere without him thinking i'm cheating on him, He told his mom to watch me, And she brought that to a whole new level on crazy, He thinks the upmost stupid thing's his brain thinks about ( I don't blame him) but I'm trying to show him that he can trust me but it's so hard. His mother bully's me when he is at work , I don't say anything , I only appease her and I hate myself for it, But it's because of my mother I am that way. I hate my self, I feel like everything is my fault and It feel's like everything cannot be fixed. I just don't want to be here anymore, But I don't want my husband to be alone. I just want to be done with this so called life once and for all.  ",1.760175438596491,2.9070353684210564,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,76.89473684210526,6.044110275689222,22.065162907268167,6.307378622147532,0.24861854636591474,1904,50,437,13,42,644,215,532,0.193,0.774,0.034,-0.9979,4,2,1,0,4,0,59.0,11,1,2,7,21,20,9,0,7,0,52,4,1,1,3,69,89,38,1,5,11,25,5,3,1,1,2,2,0,5,23,38,1,0,8,2,0,11,15,14,0,0,29,9,88,6,61,49,6,75,0,4,2,0,73,30,0,3,35,287,111,3,0.0,0.24939058003231385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025685146661692,0.1453328135843104,0.0,0.0,0.1167603825869424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391631934429461,0.0,0.0,0.1154742737842554,0.12491765408218958,0.0,0.0,0.13183853556768022,0.0,0.0,0.08553989547614807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832370984423975,0.07164298486474485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060430207034593016,0.0,0.07281681284356173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179982343602524,0.0,0.06873179796528121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347466719143391,0.04634116999869275,0.0634653140068148,0.05911429511334921,0.0,0.18917055353033044,0.0,0.1322844954387577,0.0,0.07095177147236721,0.10024712742788096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967954334393447,0.0,0.0,0.05420678913421904,0.0,0.03665661526091196,0.0,0.1196236074578771,0.058848341809106364,0.2805737791465984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570228235772204,0.13854039253423553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095723212679579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962470448159706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429115601585289,0.07623093981397316,0.1434902730612799,0.09911462900062028,0.10283245188690428,0.0,0.1858623153134838,0.062090935307834084,0.0,0.0,0.22976949403018426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707065354252738,0.0,0.07084336026604894,0.08217258623672165,0.22400973773773866,0.07457082993195606,0.0,0.0,0.05411306207107632,0.06776264926511935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346441706940822,0.0,0.14724589506230382,0.07471996720246052,0.0,0.10672233537701886,0.0,0.0,0.1558126265791395,0.0,0.0,0.04864131888998845,0.0,0.07330408899426004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719555596151289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053193121606546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947957839072588,0.0,0.0,0.11159086934324408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387261636817049,0.07319400038051974,0.0,0.0,0.11607703883018634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052752899521115316,0.0563933519015853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322468981324332,0.13487043705613191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704255281504498,0.0,0.04763521843038202,0.07631582968714062,0.0,0.0,0.16879187775235852,0.06059721951145858,0.0,0.0,0.16553285703516554,0.0556911263839081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833308121398308,0.0,0.0676334171933099,0.0,0.10215717006306677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355455877873421
suicidewatch,Oddoblivion,2018/01/11,"I’m not going to survive this. Survivors guilt is going to be the end of me. I won’t go too specific, but I was involved in an accident in which the person in the other vehicle died a week later. He wasn’t wearing his seatbelt. 
Neither of us were under the influence, nor were we distracted. The guilt I feel from this, though it happened so long ago is so overpowering. I can’t handle it anymore. Why did I go unpunished for this yet I feel so fucking punished now?
I destroyed a life, and probably ruined so many others. 
I do not deserve to be here.
I do not deserve the life I have.
I went to therapy until it just felt pointless.
Everyday I’m told I’m loved, yet everyday I feel less emotion.
I used to be terrified of death but now I’m openly seeking it for comfort. 
This feeling paired with the slew of other mental disorders I’m carrying is too much.
It’s too fucking much. 
I’m 22 now, but what’s described as a “full-life” is subjective. 
I can’t wait for this to end.
It’s not like I had a bright future ahead anyway. ",1.2455967255493334,3.4354068578199097,3.641449806118054,86.03766803102114,82.3175355450237,6.679965532098234,26.17858681602757,7.84624498591911,1.7604957345971561,801,35,161,15,22,277,116,211,0.199,0.743,0.059,-0.9869,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,2,16,12,4,3,12,0,19,6,1,2,0,20,42,12,2,0,8,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,16,4,0,1,5,0,0,5,10,8,0,0,9,6,19,4,22,29,4,26,0,1,1,3,8,5,2,0,17,117,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911532826164735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556394980052814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628760007144106,0.0,0.17986358818113726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765331881400403,0.2779994946139117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174085854553784,0.0,0.1506842900143427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901717614991017,0.0,0.0,0.3567640313257182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877901725109765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216987224996476,0.07667157191192057,0.0,0.0,0.1388844530353732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416419191940793,0.0,0.0,0.15910965366079874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581557509140369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073374828201365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703147965717022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920480799126505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947132607833152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418996839289498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149960187129567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877608705865406,0.1355433227988677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258855279440174,0.0,0.0,0.14548232480153925,0.14161138194344935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iridescentchrysalis,2018/01/11,"I need to get better before I can talk to people, but the loneliness is making it hard It's so unbearable some days. How can I improve in life when I have no one to have a conversation with, let alone confide in.. The few family members I have are unstable and don't really care anyway. Is it fair to talk to people when I have so little to contribute? I know it's not, but I still need someone.",3.0945528455284546,4.119567073170734,5.2814634146341515,81.5389430894309,73.39024390243901,8.881300813008131,24.642276422764226,9.2995712137729,1.9332373983739841,308,9,64,7,6,108,53,82,0.202,0.698,0.1,-0.8346,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,2,0,11,17,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,8,2,9,16,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259622386914145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931624429597852,0.0,0.0,0.20716131488697348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388176081540165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106182700200893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081537044805266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237781988528453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982803731399088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287291147382728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395205703935843,0.16544670217777413,0.0,0.2347644303855125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563532981764075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473637177247099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158723309052886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247773161669483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500565711737066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846606898120972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705991513021994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765375178596333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArrowUS,2018/01/11,Counting the hours The majority of my life I have been living under the pretense that I’m going to kill my self when I turn 18 and that will be the end of it. But of coarse I’m hours away from being 18 and I don’t particularly want to die right now but I know that if I don’t do it now I won’t have the balls to do it when my depression gets bad. Now very soon I’m going to have to make some big decisions. Later  I’ll be home and I’ll be willing to talk to anyone. Anyone that can provide me some advise,1.9734210526315792,2.4444859473684204,4.25171052631579,89.96072368421055,75.49122807017544,7.1035087719298255,21.267543859649123,7.1686216300943375,0.31435438596491183,394,8,97,4,8,138,62,114,0.13699999999999998,0.852,0.012,-0.9426,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,5,0,16,1,0,1,0,12,26,8,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,10,0,13,18,3,16,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,10,65,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30875180767436383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743195132427894,0.0,0.18434374315319804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901592081577816,0.0,0.22913685308042295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955473153637662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153494795701955,0.0,0.2509509905440225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214623417256784,0.0,0.4348515824382785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24426256509623534,0.0,0.12133601010796626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594485185878185,0.0,0.0,0.1949545458623136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737369558175045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854661678224585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032377079715124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745620392844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401474106303055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821682674414171,0.1302229404901887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamnotawake,2018/01/11,"I made a plan. I’ve had depression since 2012 but never attempted suicide. I took Zoloft for about a year then and went to therapy. I’ve been off of it until this Tuesday- when I went back to the doctor and refilled my prescription. I’m supposed to visit a new therapist on Thursday.

I decided I don’t really care to. I give up.

I’m going to fly to San Francisco on Saturday morning and jump off the bridge. I even have enough miles to fly first class.",1.4468478260869588,3.799565641304348,3.517565217391308,86.2296086956522,82.80434782608697,7.5930434782608724,24.417391304347824,8.548686976883017,1.9707400000000002,357,14,72,9,10,121,65,92,0.027000000000000003,0.861,0.112,0.8509,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,1,1,7,13,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,6,0,8,1,16,7,1,23,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,11,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748155981892129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317951379229587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581340104093006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326990064632901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349099404547819,0.0,0.15016036765297594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338100807855546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180916946032567,0.12920638298052478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151209681350698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534380974089234,0.2195728836168146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564413353065653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806356019173925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24868041719810025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25999079341189096,0.2639670703817761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525905765592432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215053833841962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640383699462184
suicidewatch,Draconian_Overlord,2018/01/11,"Lost control Thank you in advance, I’m glad you people take the time to do this. You are truly amazing.

All my life, I’ve struggled in school. It’s not that I couldn’t do the work, but rather lack the motivation in my life to get it all done and even just turn it in when I was done. I always wonder why I was like this. Some days, despite what my parents had believed, I tried to look for a better reason than “I just didn’t care”, there had to be a better explanation because I wanted to succeed, I just didn’t know what that meant. I don’t blame my parents though. Sometime I agree with them. To this day I still haven’t figured out quite why I do this, maybe I am lazy and I’ve convinced myself otherwise.

It was around may of last year when I got hit with the brick over my head of “something just isn’t right” and after months of torture I accepted the fact that I was transgender. I figured this could be the turn in my life. I figured this could be the root of my problems and I can finally begin to fix the life I’ve leas which went nowhere, because even now I still isn’t have any idea what my future would be like, I had no clear goals or aspirations. I had no destiny for myself. But now it could change, because this had to be the problem which cursed me all these years.

Whether that is still true or not, I still don’t know. I can’t say for sure if I had depression all my life and it was just hidden under my conscious, or last May was when it hit, but even since then I’ve been getting worse. As senior year begins on its last semester and college and the rest of my life looms just around the corner, I still feel that same hopelessness and confusion for myself in life, and my flaws have started to highlight themselves before me. 

Before summer was when I realized what was happening to me, my depression. Yesterday, now I began to actually convince myself to commit suicide. I know that death is permanent. I know about the wake of my death and the consequences on my family members, But it’s like I’ve almost stopped caring about it. Caring about people... it’s one of the only real redeeming qualities I have. Now I’m terrified of what I’ve become, what I’m convincing myself to do. As a classmate and friend was talking to the class about a friend that had taken their own life, and the pain they felt about what they could have done to save them and hadn’t, I was picturing a knife to my wrists like I was dreaming for it to happen.

I can’t do this. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I don’t want to die, but I’ve finally lost control. I can’t trust myself anymore. I know my resources, I know I can talk to someone, but how? How can I force myself to put and end to this? How can I put my foot down and save myself? I need help.


Edit: ok, I’ve calmed down a little and got some time to think. I know this is not what I want, and I know I can’t let this happen. The thing that has been stalling me from trying to talk to someone or getting help, it’s because I’m so caught up in what people think about me. I don’t know how in the world i did it, but talking to people about the problems I have in depth, I’m terrified about the way their perception of me will change. I know people care about me, but I guess I feel like sharing with people that I’m actually a wreck of a human, that I’ve been so confused and sad, I’m scared about what that does to them when they think of me. I can’t explain it. It doesn’t make sense. I guess that’s kind of the point, huh? I’m so caught in a web of relationships and people and trying to keep them all happy, trying to make their lives better. Maybe I feel like once they see I’m just as unstable as them all they won’t trust me or something. It’s crazy, I know. 

So, I’m done with this game. In the wise words of the great man John Wetton, this lie is over. I’m ditching this mindset I’ve developed that hides me from others and giving in. At lunch today, I’m finding a teacher I can trust and tell them everything. After that, I’m not sure, but I know that I’m going to tell them that I can’t do this anymore and I have to change. I have to let go and place my trust in the people around me. I’m still terrified though. I have no idea what the next few days will be, but I know the focus will be on me, which unnerves me as I like to focus on others rather than myself, but now, I don’t know. I feel like I can make peace with that rather than cower at the thought. I also think I’m going to take a year after high school to collect myself, and maybe think about things. I can have the time to finally get my damn drivers license and think about my career, and even my plans for myself in terms of my gender and how I plan to move forward. God forbid I chicken out on confessing for that, because I really need the guidance of my parents, as weird and awkward as that’s going to be. As for a hobby, I can start on writing. Something I’ve always wanted to do but never got around to. What a moment of clarity, I actually have a plan rather than ghosting my own life day by day. Maybe just writing this tiny confession online helped me on its own, but to those who commented you are wonderful people with a big ol heart and I will be taking your advice.

Thank you so much! <3",3.2909771237936383,4.134252030275228,4.307292982247112,89.39452460383656,72.73394495412846,7.166924818300965,24.247587275110213,7.29771226091108,0.828600262123198,4083,110,900,41,77,1328,350,1090,0.127,0.7070000000000001,0.166,0.9925,4,0,3,0,0,4,118.0,0,6,15,16,62,62,2,5,44,2,102,16,5,13,13,183,202,78,5,22,36,3,5,8,2,8,10,1,0,2,75,43,1,5,44,2,0,12,29,20,0,1,42,8,147,42,137,134,17,112,2,7,2,0,49,45,1,17,64,628,222,11,0.0,0.0,0.12240392779201816,0.0,0.0,0.04085702960405165,0.0,0.0,0.041867476380189665,0.0,0.0,0.03343608144472597,0.06957986955085096,0.0,0.0,0.028432777575317543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293015688630415,0.029235083326389313,0.0,0.0,0.14888190468483609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274373772326398,0.04617674340301799,0.07115582213240854,0.04710645357170767,0.0,0.11093476394922296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051558750685628,0.0,0.13269084662609845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937887343014669,0.13353008566050895,0.0,0.0,0.13482253454953955,0.0,0.07202316109690657,0.0,0.0433930090541718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365889126088113,0.17114785812671576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03703195846510415,0.0,0.0,0.11046255559986301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757685082866642,0.0,0.03941550092718797,0.0,0.0845631864861874,0.08960893106125634,0.04014492455753985,0.13740506225200158,0.038214313494112535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460584032295293,0.0,0.0873776687441318,0.04010872895013042,0.09504816408566212,0.0,0.10031974811939066,0.046096554316335615,0.09211861940550077,0.0,0.11091945637832336,0.044508373789860486,0.0,0.0,0.04290994294729845,0.0,0.0,0.04954599900079041,0.08407469319182916,0.04417540549549145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447593258711557,0.09439860735253988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716335989742045,0.0,0.0435395139080118,0.32169370924849555,0.10224414659894566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550875100109838,0.26578983912535803,0.16341315845568613,0.041905405428775605,0.03691970217809587,0.0,0.03511054146100124,0.0,0.0912828539222524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372710047407078,0.0,0.16801827236143718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033372981452647436,0.044438263253382425,0.030735748619773712,0.062004356446150224,0.032247066312059695,0.0,0.04446625985464168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452713716418126,0.028332079974533055,0.03179899726761248,0.04448963880189599,0.0,0.13927783540379218,0.0,0.0,0.26087709660971153,0.0,0.04368338675120942,0.0,0.039524720197289205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200218660325277,0.0,0.08406280391431771,0.0,0.04447093211452829,0.0,0.047589843650920616,0.026785068938936448,0.042988465709621115,0.0,0.044889151663715626,0.0,0.0357061945260017,0.0,0.03324962611435164,0.04185990449081736,0.08462952301402728,0.03331779412876843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034586325604232214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085230987382303,0.096563988987725,0.04135195004035362,0.0,0.05918779850725294,0.0,0.20034095208031047,0.034955700744725884,0.0,0.04370972598414316,0.0,0.04573422874607262,0.0,0.07881236788532256,0.0,0.09430955395444647,0.13442374825813053,0.07308896371337709,0.07698753388146193,0.0,0.0,0.05555447500605761,0.16074403335642,0.08215779691529942,0.03319310468039363,0.073140640682478,0.0,0.03963174934321802,0.0,0.0,0.11354715395675435,0.09095628768331973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330546482997028,0.03318746669956209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03875903024168872,0.0754554870194845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068405757330616,0.030438760173552206,0.0,0.042608776929668316,0.02970119252349144,0.0,0.0,0.10769913684165904
suicidewatch,gibsterhipster88,2018/01/11,"Anyone else feel like commiting suicide out of spite? Because I do. Every single time my family tells me to ""snap out of my depression"" and ""go back to being the person you used to be"" I feel like killing myself in front of them. They don't understand the severity of my situation. They think I can just ""change"". As if I wanted this to be my life. I absolutely hate myself and think of how every second I'm alive is wasted. My mind is a mess and the last time I was genuinely happy was ages ago. I don't know what to do anymore.",1.3596464646464668,3.507333314814815,3.644646464646467,86.41954545454546,81.5925925925926,6.8902356902356905,20.003367003367003,8.00094639256281,0.9473407407407404,410,11,85,8,11,141,70,108,0.209,0.6990000000000001,0.092,-0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,3,0,3,8,3,0,4,0,12,1,0,2,1,18,23,6,2,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,2,19,3,14,18,1,11,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,8,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880222960734175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776648167175408,0.12526313505052064,0.18355637424688506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775231110011454,0.0,0.10920581423735484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895128449533048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429829384312993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965359882837725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018766714635825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888302183389234,0.0,0.18116332576962602,0.2559640531422025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181287052651612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070437989433714,0.0,0.1768697084237451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198198643174952,0.0,0.09845402451327902,0.14602800113551956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265362051542863,0.17504349404564234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088651612442969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642348523251107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202384127871698,0.0,0.0,0.20136774897459334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595678274258704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658160830462206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295792049355454,0.0,0.0,0.20892309077659535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864974327059802,0.0,0.15472473190275993,0.0,0.0,0.10566502527818457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KellyItsme,2018/01/11,"I found out that my mom tried to abort me and I feel like I really want to die My parents always have an argument. When my mom is angry she always yells at me and tells me that her life is so difficult because of having me. She raises me and takes care of me because it's her obligation. My dad doesn't care about me anymore. He usually goes outside with his colleagues after work and gets home around 10 p.m. My mom said that she tried to abort me but my aunt saw her and stopped her from doing that. She keeps telling me that if she didn't have me, her life would be much easier. She would have a lot of money, so that she could buy a new house or a new car. I don't feel like eating or going anywhere. I play volleyball at school. Yesterday I saw one of my teammates telling her parents that our team won.. I was so happy to see that but my parents have never been there at the hall for the game. I wish I could get a hug from my parents when the team won. I wish I could see my parents love each other like other familes. I knew I can't. I'm just thinking why I didn't die on that day. Why did my aunt stop her? I'm the only one who is suffering. They don't love me anymore.",1.1500465838509335,2.8482286388888918,2.6838371290545204,95.3355590062112,80.07142857142857,5.811180124223603,20.877156659765355,6.7026698264267655,0.15780345065562473,915,25,214,9,23,299,127,252,0.084,0.72,0.196,0.9876,5,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,1,5,9,14,0,0,9,0,24,6,0,0,1,33,50,15,2,9,6,11,2,3,0,2,2,2,1,0,13,9,1,3,5,4,2,2,7,2,0,2,12,8,53,12,20,32,3,20,0,1,4,3,39,7,0,4,14,142,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993481193764616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870279948743353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802048801037399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098438345029581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371852886698226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580388563635933,0.0,0.0,0.05810471187465682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701163695602974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921910897419529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911108740537984,0.12872974432913073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878603076471494,0.0,0.0,0.0941432803429359,0.0,0.05120384925695794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590927227818548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037401555763376,0.0,0.0,0.10395912641760176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008180258398673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727547589536145,0.13204962156808048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659672074461751,0.1626310018289567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31655937547118074,0.0,0.0,0.06623120622122779,0.0,0.06948788283522073,0.17403129124550434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221032781522946,0.06852235719759109,0.0,0.0,0.5002068412686617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057718048338123225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570228963016636,0.0,0.0,0.09118234698764026,0.1435903007326926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064921653751548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774126543285675,0.0,0.23624462290218415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057730122632139926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233905642866147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922843429709474,0.0,0.0531411794805227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259593944282616,0.0,0.20721278215120895,0.0,0.0,0.06559123797869851,0.0,0.0,0.12800376729878613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,parol751,2018/01/11,"Failing A-levels, No hope Today I had my chemistry unit 4 exam in my final A-level year (UK) and I totally flunked it. I got 3 B's in my first year but this time I messed up big time. Spent all my time playing league of legends and didn't study and now I'm gonna fail. My life's over. I uninstalled the game multiple times but kept on coming back. Now the games uninstalled forever but my future is over and I'm not gonna get into any university. I'm not suicidal but extremely depressed and might suicide. I'm such a worthless good for nothing loser. There's no point in living anymore for a loser like me. Everyone has big expectations on me and everyone seems to get better grades than me and now I'm gonna fail.I hate myself.

Tldr going to fail my a levels super depressed feel like suiciding",1.5442611190817779,3.7911598536585416,3.6418651362984207,86.13469870875181,81.5609756097561,6.297847919655667,23.67144906743185,7.5105763829236425,1.2444516499282638,632,23,125,10,17,215,99,164,0.219,0.589,0.192,-0.8037,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,8,6,18,1,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,2,23,24,11,3,2,6,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,2,3,1,2,5,11,0,1,5,1,16,7,15,15,2,29,0,9,0,0,2,13,0,3,16,67,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448778510231026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238026584429198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814794945851913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589161013431136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235652380333107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646783473456901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29363976977216644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769044049363033,0.10976813300745226,0.0,0.1683168962127725,0.0,0.13069525720452824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055235986517455,0.0,0.08732326728406932,0.12887496682869382,0.12288854832243988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169831420399502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260987299675932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852807515059533,0.150131999400843,0.0,0.1356764353045481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299917418520615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474320473477784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524963167117425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987788037276658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504206975809626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583799730496175,0.0,0.14564295372245362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978921024547476
suicidewatch,Zip-lock129,2018/01/11,"Nothing's fair All I ever really wanted, from when I was a teenager, was to care about someone, to help somebody, to love and to be loved back. All I'm getting instead is health problems, physical and emotional pain and lack of money. I've just failed an exam at my medical university and disappointed my mom. If I drop out, I'm basically going to be dead in a year or two, because I'll have to go to the army, and army in my country is hell (last year, 3 or 4 young men were killed or committed suicide there).
I'm gonna push as hard as I can, but I am kinda scared. I wish I could just hold someone's hand. ",3.901328124999999,3.986005226562501,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,70.953125,8.9,30.0625,8.841846274778883,2.202153125,471,18,103,8,8,164,89,128,0.198,0.648,0.154,-0.6159,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,1,4,0,11,6,1,0,4,24,23,13,3,6,7,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,7,0,1,3,2,10,3,16,16,3,15,1,2,0,2,5,4,1,5,7,62,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294623425866054,0.0,0.11332339747850305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895382473232778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842665571558006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911336970331185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815790959898294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712549117124424,0.0,0.2113034086267021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665305952069024,0.0,0.0,0.19760384903427586,0.0,0.0,0.12460538241550005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056716831156802,0.0,0.0,0.15153395752083731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355654460896247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727549042284666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177247610627992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837682392286205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781154991986866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788195171978902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190928077684405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611912368399292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150262759819588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033452937870311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159806157330352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964910378443808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377673658793794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394280304066292
suicidewatch,callme_captaink,2018/01/11,Here I am again Almost one year ago from today I made my first post. I’m 21 now. And I can’t believe suicide is still on my fucking mind constantly eating away at me. ,1.5783333333333331,2.9663846111111134,3.512222222222224,91.255,77.8888888888889,5.911111111111111,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.4758444444444443,130,4,29,1,3,44,32,36,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,6,0,4,5,0,12,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,8,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354665433410935,0.0,0.2659918546131182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495697989098445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992760498866377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870535839276363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27180762330340663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259462541394967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24557229785233656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513472104625516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26821237204381976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799989669556266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544018153226678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121338805444628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905580506692421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25178786544566595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105815555138035
suicidewatch,unheardandforgotten,2018/01/11,"My message Just a reminder to myself that I did all I could to cure my depression. No matter what I do I always feel the same way and experience the same psychological pain. I had a depression since I was 14 and I am 21 now. I can't do anything to feel happy or normal. I tried physical activity, medication and therapy but none of these things seem to work for me. I am just too tired and too sad about all the pain and the best decision that I see is to end it all. I don't think that anything can change and all I do now is experiencing more and more pain. I don’t have a job and any kind of hobby or interests. Everyday feels like the same and every night I go to bed with hope that this night will be the last one for me. I did all I could do and I have no hope left in me. What is life without any hope? It is just plain unending misery. I was thinking about ending it all and only now, I can say that I am ready to do it. There is nothing left that I can do or try and there is no hope no matter what I do. My life will be miserable and I will not be able to connect with anyone. I will try to improve something until the end of this month but I really want to end all the pain and suffering now. Even complete emptiness and darkness is better than waking up every day with false hopes that this day will be better than the last one. It will not be better it will only get worse. I have a plan that I can use to end it all and I feel that I should have ended it all when I was 14.I achieved nothing but pain and misery. I never had SO or friends and I am too afraid of meeting anyone. I have no friends so I will affect even less people than a normal person would. In the end, I can say that I am happy that all of you continue your struggle everyday but I lost my hope for recovery and this may be the end of the journey for me. Nobody knows about my thoughts so I will just wait for a time when I will be completely alone and do it.",1.7803367433930075,3.144143427536232,3.6095481670929246,90.87153452685423,77.28502415458938,6.802955385052573,21.838306337027564,7.5105763829236425,0.600132935493038,1505,40,348,20,34,507,162,414,0.174,0.6679999999999999,0.158,-0.7562,1,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,8,23,30,0,3,18,0,62,10,1,2,11,81,84,34,0,13,15,0,4,1,2,13,9,2,1,1,29,23,0,1,10,0,0,2,13,13,0,2,9,8,52,17,36,53,18,35,0,6,1,0,9,5,0,12,28,273,81,3,0.06820006781052422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063470218741348,0.0,0.0,0.0567479198118785,0.0,0.0,0.0927567695822657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537414628735742,0.0,0.1122456895713642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157176355733265,0.18095225327605352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214662873725775,0.0,0.14301294707749046,0.0,0.0,0.10890440931335656,0.0,0.0,0.08796680337389817,0.0,0.1174812369413324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832401378203145,0.0,0.0,0.09009100315738564,0.0,0.11492299715034393,0.0,0.0,0.06671275288568078,0.0,0.0,0.13793601387102344,0.048722142070856386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053824064256562,0.0,0.03563172057700582,0.0,0.03875967020790036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452004807188218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064283345181059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767804385884675,0.0,0.0,0.0710198757154699,0.03748097368280548,0.1111843156147444,0.0,0.0,0.1481991464536796,0.0,0.0963434496203902,0.03331910821373355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444843038680353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870439330806953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054436643459760084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052600096696292564,0.0,0.0,0.12800228728176266,0.1336431724176743,0.13087960886039685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924282619600782,0.10373844956531957,0.36284840306352006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728133983044632,0.05954966861290367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369070980196494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847086254642692,0.0,0.0,0.054346624152442194,0.06208678031928904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641580085292025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052503744154389714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712975186978344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779927212361805,0.0,0.04530909461580341,0.0873996993098845,0.0,0.05414323582005708,0.03976800799073375,0.07838594531293151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891010781995886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890296138929602,0.0,0.0,0.04022616699747452,0.05413403937613747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574243164425009,0.0,0.049650461624949,0.0,0.06950169559372117,0.04844737141705791,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peoplearefr3aky,2018/01/11,"Stuck I feel like killing my self, it’s been lingering in my head for weeks and each day I’m closer to breaking. No one knows and I doubt anyone would want to hear it. I’m so disappointed it’s a new year, more isolated than the last. I have zero support and I don’t know what to do ",0.4495698924731215,2.199898258064522,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,82.54838709677419,6.068817204301076,20.010752688172047,7.1686216300943375,0.19612043010752694,220,6,54,3,6,74,47,62,0.263,0.64,0.097,-0.9039,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,10,14,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,2,6,2,6,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193867494561638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788105523200317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019160569167485,0.1980754739233812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28455000583037504,0.0,0.3124935503351665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067484648404089,0.0,0.3047510355572911,0.2260049032348527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354558291082889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677806179962296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787938105258184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924392520173875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146327514572985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353585358702585,0.0,0.22240222986403105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695841861427305,0.0,0.0,0.17854713797836602
suicidewatch,readytodie11289,2018/01/11,"Why I will kill myself eventually This is half of a cry for help and half of just a vent of why I will probably kill myself. 

First, I don't really have a lot to live for. I know that people could come up with amazing reasons as to why to continue living like ""tommorow is another adventure"" or that ""it gets better"". Well, I have to respectfully disagree. I don't think that it gets better for some people. I will concede that some people it does indeed get better, but for the others it probably won't. I feel that I am one of those people. 
I have this entitlement to my victim mentality that allows me to continue to perpetuate my negative thought processes. But after 29 years, honestly I'm just tired. Nothing really brings me joy anymore and I'm pulled in so many different directions that I can't set my way on a path that will turn into anything meaningful. That is part of the problem as well is that nothing is meaningful. I'm not special. I wanted to be for so long because if I was special that meant that I would have value to someone and that people would be around. But.. that's not the case. I'm not special but honestly I'm just a piece of shit. A piece of shit who carries guilt for hurting someone for no reason because I had a stupid idea in my head. A piece of shit whom woke up and saw his mother on the floor and didn't check on her only later to find out that she had a stroke. A piece of shit who has verbally abused loved ones simply because I wanted to hurt them the way that I was hurting, so that they could understand some of the pain that I was feeling. But no, instead of hurting them I just pushed them away. All of them, to the point that they hardly check on me. Actually they rarely do, they all have their own lives now and I don't really fit into them. Sure they would miss me if I was gone but life goes on, you know. You hear about someone killing themselves and everyone has this idea but no one really knows the kind of hell that person is in. The kind of hell that they would rather inflict grave injury on themselves then to continue. I know this hell. The hell of being around people who want to be near you but not caring, people that actually care but you don't so you just don't put in an effort because the feeling is gone, the light in you has gone, it was dim before but now it is completely out and you helped to put it out. So you just wake up day after day , staring at the computer screen or trying to find a video game to fill the gap, the immense gap of feeling. But, nothing works. It's all gone, the dream of a loving relationship , the dream of becoming good at something and feeling proud about it, instead you just live in a waking nightmare that you have gained so much weight you hardly recognize yourself anymore and that you realize the last person that you loved didn't even know your middle name , or your birthday and ended up cheating on you and giving you herpes. Now she's married and lying to the guy about her condition and you have resided yourself to poverty and lonliness until the day that you work up the courage to finally end the suffering. There is nothing else to look forward to, I don't want to spread my diseases to offspring and I don't want to subject someone to my fucked psyche. I am flawed and broken beyond repair. This world has no room for me and I don't mind that anymore. Such a dark and unforgiving place, why would life be created to be so cruel. I feel as though I'm being punished. I just don't care anymore and I just need to find the last bit of strength to finally just call it quits to step out the door and commit to following through with one thing in my life ",5.122013542409121,5.554051887978146,5.704611546685673,82.50621168923738,68.37158469945355,8.714944167260631,29.437633642195287,8.652420539549441,2.085496935138988,2890,99,580,43,46,936,287,732,0.209,0.664,0.128,-0.9982,1,0,1,0,1,2,62.0,0,19,12,11,36,55,17,1,39,0,61,18,7,3,5,114,112,50,4,17,31,1,10,1,0,10,6,1,2,3,49,32,1,0,25,4,2,14,22,27,2,7,17,16,79,28,102,76,15,79,4,7,4,4,55,40,9,9,25,427,128,4,0.0,0.06409321686028882,0.10557698925988078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672287059998263,0.0,0.0,0.21458910120390354,0.0,0.0,0.04451521988408507,0.09631126755145593,0.0,0.0,0.05082362683619018,0.0,0.0,0.131902185004313,0.059743199792579825,0.04603049267636223,0.0,0.0,0.143526746975577,0.059057257323197665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523660153714922,0.0,0.16545905029389915,0.0,0.0,0.04659768002776096,0.056717124815540775,0.0,0.0,0.08638022084310402,0.0,0.0594203422967918,0.10465956268724702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056517309579771476,0.0,0.0,0.04733852054275852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518906987021423,0.0,0.09582346134641608,0.0,0.0,0.03572895164565812,0.0,0.0,0.05168967740343616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411103208107422,0.0,0.0,0.11851590911593933,0.14832436402601512,0.046012811468302224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050009555971399965,0.08478653651952871,0.05189243828176633,0.0,0.045371956706834006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356212654568313,0.0,0.0,0.09691621442088337,0.0,0.05551663252244643,0.0,0.060968509028721786,0.0,0.0725168966409617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316374132115061,0.12213236455378725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954287243474398,0.1126623354780861,0.14864479797229987,0.08818858481162621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462577834268327,0.0264278732509006,0.0,0.19106597658979704,0.047871989967233713,0.045425812622229216,0.0,0.0,0.045989266835491614,0.14646737744371618,0.0,0.0,0.05484340095143553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451460084656656,0.0,0.05462009253182435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039765731301996426,0.040110436360163294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762078576066625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466235156242959,0.0411413561667172,0.05756043375435752,0.0,0.0,0.05857914510886076,0.0,0.2625165336687273,0.09446657960588938,0.056517309579771476,0.0,0.05113685118249662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166461859989825,0.051761195451986666,0.0,0.10875996268392774,0.0,0.057536231151954165,0.0,0.0,0.13861746040517162,0.1112364496236218,0.0,0.05807732115187453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210918465307566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833366059452746,0.04164464087121023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098348967146296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035938026970540535,0.03466161460132354,0.05314763790064213,0.04294504416106496,0.0,0.06217374769137168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03672666046147503,0.0588393557773152,0.0,0.05631435249900633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953188722209394,0.08587549954906266,0.0,0.06587261003509189,0.09727502533035023,0.0,0.1952477331329886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876297878416856,0.0,0.0,0.19213614346100186,0.0,0.0,0.034835127900114664
suicidewatch,randomaltname2,2018/01/11,"Can't do this anymore I'm tired of everything. Been depressed for at least 3 years now, my brain is not working at all anymore, people dislike and ignore me wherever I go, I find no joy in anything anymore. I failed a year in high school and I'm failing again. I can't stop thinking about the future that doesn't seem bright even in the slightest. My family doesn't understand anything and just yells at me for every little thing which doesn't go well with my bad temper. The last thing I ever found joy in was sleep but I'm having a hard time even falling asleep and never feeling rested. It's been like this for too long and I'm genuinely thinking about giving up and ending it all. ",2.989347826086956,4.9327549637681205,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,75.44927536231884,6.049275362318841,24.54347826086957,6.816661863887847,0.9051913043478264,547,18,107,5,12,174,89,138,0.185,0.7240000000000001,0.09,-0.7408,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,1,0,5,0,11,4,3,0,4,23,24,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,6,1,0,4,4,10,5,15,20,4,25,0,3,1,0,1,10,0,1,13,71,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542763827298516,0.0,0.0,0.2512984173245703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748809666085406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045029752358565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315099449316469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523624190569036,0.0,0.0,0.2016979591384653,0.13811503153262533,0.1286462197718339,0.0,0.13722612303932544,0.0,0.1439406512417129,0.0,0.07720363719581824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955405974057647,0.0,0.0,0.1674145036666134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464722362966808,0.17355221062765092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367784510582861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613232481209374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446109357070965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459564097963757,0.15303348190623406,0.0,0.135124069298875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776239338343288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058546293737373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452840088747913,0.0,0.13900141458078788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279826278716058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765399935170227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287823631964924,0.19567260172831225,0.0,0.0,0.08903359680345181,0.1754923870382224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895358590284892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372848431074695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115867765996702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665212328261464
suicidewatch,Rain010,2018/01/11,"i am GOING to do it Well, here we are again. 
Things just don't seem to work out huh?
I am sitting on a couch I feel sick and I am waiting.
Waiting for the courage to come and oh god is it coming.
I am going to kill myself in less than an hour.
Goodbye
",-2.563333333333333,-0.8729764561403499,0.3361403508771943,103.93298245614037,103.03508771929823,2.533333333333333,15.105263157894735,3.1291,-1.4893999999999998,190,5,49,0,9,65,42,57,0.132,0.745,0.123,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,1,8,1,0,0,0,11,16,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,9,16,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643859138212448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564121281367872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723580869894072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226137960444299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624338810744981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982289919266367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763869124618807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945460698383854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849210802932255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,80503,2018/01/11,"Giving up I’m 26, getting out of a 4 year relationship with my partner & her 5 year old son.

Things aren’t going to work out for me on my own. ",-0.08727272727272606,1.2871239090909157,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,82.63636363636364,5.612121212121212,20.090909090909093,6.42735559955562,-0.04489090909090887,111,3,28,1,3,40,30,33,0.0,0.918,0.08199999999999999,0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936985604017855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898397118738218,0.348566385757658,0.2065048924227524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812834067502953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39011082536680175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413991052870634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26452916605338433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679816571199827
suicidewatch,emcox027,2018/01/11,"suicidal my first attempt was crashing my car into an electricity pole. I was on my way home from my boyfriend's house and it was so impulsive. there isn't a true reason why I did it, I just felt I needed to. nobody knows it was an attempt on my life, only that there was a ""cat"" and I swerved to dodge it running in the road. after I survived I planned on attempting after my graduation which happened 4 months later. I had a plan, but the night before I was found breaking down behind the school after senior night and I confided in my friends about my plan. the next day, after graduation, we spent the day together. that was one of the best days of my life. due to my depression and anxiety, I wasn't able to stay in school and I can't keep a job. so now, I should be in the second semester of my freshman year but I can't seem to build the confidence or the self esteem to even get out of my bed some days. My friends are all in college living amazing lives and I'm so proud of them. one of the more difficult parts of living like this is because if you didn't really know me, you wouldn't know this is all happening. I seem like a really happy-go-lucky girl on the outside. I go on hikes and I backpack a lot, camping happens frequently in my life. but when the curtain rolls in at the end of the day, I fall a part again. i still constantly think about hurting myself, I pass by the electricity pole all the time driving home. it's really hard and I feel so alone. thats kind of the only reason I am posting, to see if there is anyone out there who is in a similar situation to me.",2.9217378048780454,4.154846576219511,4.564604878048783,85.7047853658537,74.09146341463416,7.9309268292682935,26.22975609756097,8.488131031819089,1.6749444878048778,1239,43,265,22,25,418,168,328,0.073,0.812,0.115,0.9563,1,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,1,2,1,10,16,12,0,0,27,0,23,3,0,2,4,40,42,19,1,5,7,0,3,2,2,2,3,0,4,2,12,12,0,1,11,0,1,6,6,3,0,4,14,4,43,9,44,25,9,55,0,2,1,0,9,19,0,7,28,190,55,7,0.1007418245623099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043381481019193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706722004766749,0.0,0.0,0.07044102609805887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141128120137456,0.0,0.08572387271654253,0.0,0.10572232960148592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886612316300953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248507133974192,0.0,0.08676878587707593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922735480449223,0.0,0.0,0.0665390250046299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093809345184645,0.0,0.09672795000757482,0.0,0.0,0.08569094450871588,0.0,0.11045821081375623,0.15566576751187974,0.0,0.05263344536833498,0.0,0.1145078009900376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26725698826639743,0.0,0.09024488709688877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210452804459533,0.0,0.0,0.11624253968862786,0.10784620678592742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997071615955404,0.08954396247821689,0.0,0.10490710771200812,0.16609521645937733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347078993418575,0.09843473363006218,0.0,0.266870630292916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564709668113762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041116323256646,0.0,0.0,0.07469878641792879,0.0,0.0,0.10714007331309808,0.1890787558267474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653053508466664,0.153237394360226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181871575636897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648282031828803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361337736939035,0.20715874835448414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039122096127657,0.08027819108816575,0.18342314696641104,0.10509569399403768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323803172502302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737738085714783,0.08045255122898058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019520501139536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645512934029394,0.0,0.0,0.0587433680465756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996417119160777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090382727904646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487443206766708
suicidewatch,Thedude45a,2018/01/11,"I’m sorry I couldn’t be the son you hoped for I’m sorry that I’m a complete fucking failure. Sorry that I couldnt achieve anything in my useless existence. Maybe one day you will fucking realise that I have been trying my best but it is never enough. I didn’t turn out the way you wanted so this is my goodbye. I have 10,000mg of quetiapine in front of me and I’m going to pop them all and find some peace tonight",0.9255680399500648,2.9428528426966314,2.7183520599250954,93.1865418227216,82.37078651685394,4.854431960049938,23.372034956304606,5.82211442006289,0.3166244694132332,329,12,72,2,9,109,61,89,0.093,0.7979999999999999,0.109,0.6558,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,1,2,1,5,2,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,2,12,20,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,2,0,13,2,7,14,4,9,0,1,0,2,5,3,2,2,3,48,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173525847968928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062560749191665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606792162663995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267517152385962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307783708680016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963353819996625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633951930396087,0.0,0.0,0.1116979245011749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195208065413692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745033985224208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515833751428417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318024857816368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6600296225888861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334374161983213,0.2137785332792379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592408656097698,0.15600390330325736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stop_This_Pain,2018/01/11,"What if I don't want to get better? Every therapist is going to tell you that to get better, you need to want to get better. What if I'm not willing to? I don't really care about anything at the moment, dying suddenly is a convenience for me. I'm so stubborn I cannot be ""fixed"", as doctors put it.

From what I've seen it's all about discipline, discipline, discipline and forcing yourself to do stuff you don't feel like doing. Compared to that, dying is so much easier, plus you don't have to worry about anything anymore. I like to believe I'll be in a blank space after death, it seems really comforting. No more worrying, no more bullshit, no more working.

I'll probably get some tough love, some rough words, I'll snap out of it for a few weeks and then come back and write more bullshit on SuicideWatch. Nothing works. I made my mom cry many times over my childhood over the stupid shit I did. I don't even talk to my dad, because I have nothing to talk to him about, even though he cares about me. I just don't feel the same connection. Everyone seems to get along with me, but I feel like they wanted a different son/sibling/friend. We're such a fucking happy family, la dee da.

I'm toxic and craving for attention, because I feel like it's the only way I can talk about my thoughts with anyone.",4.196201943388253,5.045266467680612,5.183618504435994,83.92259294465569,70.63498098859316,8.582087029995774,28.29932403886777,8.841846274778883,2.081513899450782,1023,36,208,18,18,336,143,263,0.146,0.77,0.084,-0.8368,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,4,1,5,14,17,4,0,9,0,19,4,1,1,1,38,46,13,3,6,5,2,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,10,0,4,8,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,4,6,25,12,37,39,10,19,0,0,1,2,15,7,2,6,12,131,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279346246124507,0.07247485241303996,0.0,0.1705910899831116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970085063342405,0.0,0.12636878785296302,0.0,0.0,0.11677863997156886,0.0,0.27501138118658963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135722277088684,0.0,0.0,0.08928574369978529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385522733544105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514574744653006,0.1082927307697419,0.0,0.1060906975623716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369203796152827,0.0,0.08733003210577063,0.09904251211258308,0.0,0.0,0.0977124840244742,0.0,0.20963526567515128,0.22214385302239253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008013334786565,0.09582323399667836,0.2707655890581212,0.0,0.05890697819578908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033790413905932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025536306704155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354863958197317,0.09807662661139316,0.0,0.10508535699754072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139423434732945,0.0,0.0,0.07619505715626475,0.07685554599298731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989109356209469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883088986350119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175278962877452,0.0,0.0,0.10419739938994974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280235233468546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871907809832866,0.0,0.0,0.10639576757087592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865504532206628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24993108127269226,0.09059512160458856,0.0,0.0,0.12034624064764182,0.0,0.0,0.10183610799976868,0.0822869336811713,0.06043945077537386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834072836154375,0.08227295691824878,0.08314219370386469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509176236363116,0.2105242653661503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halcyonbuddha,2018/01/11,"I'm just so tired I've been carrying this weight my whole life. I've met a few people willing to shoulder it for a while, but they all end up leaving. I can't blame them. They don't realize how heavy it is until they have to carry it, and they hand it back pretty quickly.

I tried to be honest with my partner. I told him I was depressed, but trying to get better. His reaction, like everyone, was either derision and disbelief, or outright disgust. He said he was going to be there for me, to help me, but whenever I actually talked about it? Pure hatred in his eyes.

He said he feels like I'm trying to one-up him. He feels like he can't complain. I don't want him to feel that way, but I feel like an can't unload...

I had to leave my desk to cry in the bathroom today. All I can do about it is shout into the darkness of an unpopular subreddit. 

My garage has no exterior switch. Only the radio switch opens it. I'm heavy enough for a partial hanging to be reliable. I have a car and a hose. I have bleach and ammonia. I have plastic bags. So many options, but I'm trying to resist.

I know he'll be sad if I do it, but he'll get over it, right? 

It's like being a prisoner in a prison with no bars. The warden is a mean son of a bitch, and the other inmates are telling me that the torture isn't a big deal. All I have to do is walk away. I can quit any time.

I can put the weight down. I can finally sleep.",0.4470419426048551,2.287343947019867,2.910172185430465,92.1279293598234,83.03973509933775,6.013421633554086,20.99381898454746,7.1686216300943375,0.490365209713024,1080,33,249,15,30,373,157,302,0.177,0.693,0.13,-0.9608,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,5,2,9,13,3,0,19,0,35,9,4,1,4,33,55,18,0,2,10,1,7,5,1,3,2,3,0,1,14,9,3,0,7,2,0,5,8,6,0,0,9,11,35,7,31,38,7,26,0,2,1,0,29,12,1,3,13,164,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.12092710109402414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426919209838958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642601107437317,0.09528608764366116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959631489704674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611923943537116,0.0,0.12775508220175366,0.10673128191452633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975548250285896,0.1280414871807633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840994687765885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506287466139995,0.2655833467317525,0.0,0.13574724401010596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948516079731714,0.0,0.07042604241457458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083060316008261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810266001145636,0.0,0.0,0.2624247278168357,0.0,0.0,0.08752767803412617,0.3027029017132745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563445003852788,0.0,0.1349841555167812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397074410322354,0.09424600893044034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590985492023634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607020669689215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245728552657202,0.0,0.1318031455501151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582617746871673,0.2357507559336501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400852627580887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960142510297333,0.1083106971719419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225818492458921,0.14242669970369912,0.11746075422114526,0.11840994687765885,0.0,0.33653155776499216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309065654956111,0.09836116078198774,0.0,0.30179999747607056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383511754228664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExactTillich,2018/01/11,"time for bed I am so tired of waking up. Being stupid, untalented and autistic. But after seeing my sibling excel and be the polar opposite of me. my parents remind me of it to. my classmates me remind me of it. And now i finally realise that its time for bed.
",1.1998717948717932,3.6262387307692334,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,84.76923076923076,5.7743589743589725,24.051282051282055,7.1686216300943375,1.4219512820512827,202,8,36,3,6,72,36,52,0.125,0.823,0.053,-0.6299,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,9,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,32,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568730261504118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631000131560478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33234586511120584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863865318425977,0.4793535056476037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeoriandMe,2018/01/11,"Can't handle this empty, loveless life. Life just feels like Hell. 

Up until about half a year ago, I was being physically/emotionally abused by my partner. A recurring thing in our relationship is that we're poly, but whenever they became interested in someone new, they would compare me to the other person and devalue me, always saying I was garbage and they would choose the other person over me. They never left but the constant down-putting did a number on my mental health. They also attacked me and my roommate a few times, and isolated us from our social circle when they threatened/harmed our friends. 

I almost broke up with them when they took a trip to their home-state, but they had just been disowned by their family and pleaded for me to take them back. I accept because I didn't see where else they could go, demanding that the abuse stop. 

Things have seemed okay for the last 6 months, no physical harm in a long time. However I've been developing symptoms of PTSD, it's hell. My personality has been rapidly changing/disappearing and it's terrifying.

A few days ago, my roommate was suicidal. Them and my partner got in a verbal fight and my partner just told them to do it. I dissociated and could barely even talk to my roommate, just ended up drinking instead (thankfully I think just me being there helped stop them from hurting himself.) But I've been unbearably depressed since then. I couldn't do anything, never could really. I've never known how to comfort people.

My partner is also interested in someone, someone they've known for most of their life. I decided to be a bitch and read through their messages. Turns out they've only ever loved this person and everyone else else has been a shoddy replacement. So... I feel like I've endured all this shit for nothing. If I'm honest with myself I haven't really loved them for months now, and after learning this I just feel so fucking stupid. So fucking pathetic and stupid.

This isn't the first abusive relationship I've been in. Hell, my father was a fucking mess too, a cold Asian-fetishizing serial adulterer. I feel so broken, it's like if I break up another abuse is just going to fill the void.

I'm not a great person myself honestly. Truth is I have zero empathy for people 95% of the time, try to do nice things to fit it but honestly people's joys and problems don't move me at all. I want friends and love in my life yet I'm incredibly bitter, suspicious, and can hardly give a shit about people. I've been a disorganized scatter-brained mess and can barely get by most shifts at work. The only two things that really make me feel alive are pain and shoplifting. Trying to quit alcohol but that's shitty too. I don't even feel human anymore. Everything is so empty and nothing distracts me for long. I don't know what to do. I just want everything to stop.",4.613625322997418,6.5167688259259275,5.2813781223083565,79.5651550387597,70.92592592592592,8.060292850990528,28.298880275624466,8.70740988407696,2.282961670973299,2266,85,405,41,43,731,257,540,0.247,0.622,0.131,-0.9981,1,0,2,0,4,0,70.0,4,0,19,3,31,44,14,1,24,1,45,17,2,2,7,78,77,39,1,11,17,1,7,3,6,2,8,1,0,10,21,22,2,3,15,2,0,6,13,23,0,4,17,11,65,21,51,51,6,58,3,3,1,6,50,19,9,6,35,278,86,3,0.0,0.31773049404185005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885560465472235,0.07164644155454959,0.06713187840761876,0.0,0.0,0.10722532849086013,0.05578348334025551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702983349177584,0.0,0.0,0.06648665849669368,0.0,0.0,0.05516903152553125,0.0,0.0,0.07626881694366623,0.0,0.051550391543219866,0.0,0.040867571932352825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483992886011269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724475052844377,0.0,0.1605803522688868,0.0,0.0,0.04323589945473408,0.0,0.0577423158895918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567465816390446,0.0,0.0,0.1680124613629451,0.07541210260650644,0.059378428026095866,0.0,0.0,0.08855989770897241,0.06064242353688828,0.0,0.06406054939502227,0.12050425766597565,0.0,0.06320028920757656,0.0,0.2033876666484838,0.0957882089606488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702504116756346,0.0,0.0,0.1035914220766048,0.1859349753060771,0.035026155985650516,0.06431183696178865,0.07620189161061111,0.0,0.05361881277866635,0.07391294023249695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005556866442011,0.0,0.0,0.07126144904056515,0.0,0.0,0.04493616977897057,0.0,0.06724759015068267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176877810125602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03684398085326264,0.05464736362454777,0.0,0.0,0.07284024370095464,0.0,0.18941216646030493,0.09825854008998873,0.0,0.0,0.1186583523823703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815213624619916,0.0,0.04475038872183978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675615607546672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702297471356192,0.07125397428499862,0.0,0.0,0.15511845865789467,0.06474861648483657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286552970513445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197540442459753,0.07133635176207936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591115526208774,0.2926880807259397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414918383253379,0.0783673425179254,0.06739472281221254,0.0,0.0713063567595057,0.06705914320567581,0.0,0.1288445456912602,0.0,0.0,0.14395389127086738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331369479111003,0.0,0.0,0.05342299793643365,0.06103160938889957,0.0,0.0,0.1376332481580802,0.055457008775629237,0.0,0.0,0.06833985780507107,0.17041086766811953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681478360963549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333197385406065,0.0,0.0,0.06968126953689728,0.05040648936543316,0.0538850171026256,0.0,0.06172234644023365,0.0,0.0,0.1781562484081521,0.042957166417364884,0.0,0.0,0.11727644036540814,0.0,0.0,0.06406054939502227,0.07448501882345256,0.09103287792816177,0.07292135773502467,0.06548931649821599,0.0,0.08064206961259245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908503867577013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488066471524052,0.0,0.0,0.09524800716155657,0.0,0.0,0.04317220659184974
suicidewatch,Fox_Trot_above_me,2018/01/11,"What's the point of going on? I can't see a point. I've failed 4 classes (in this school year) so far. All I do is watch porn and play video games my life is meaningless and useless to everyone. I have no friends I've just been painted as the ugly, fat, and emo kid. I don't contribute to my ROTC platoon I just make everything worse for them. I'm bullied a lot. My family hates me. I just don't see a point of going on in my life.",-1.0610350877193009,0.9484941157894758,1.53328947368421,98.1701096491228,92.05263157894736,5.271929824561403,18.44298245614036,6.816661863887847,0.009824561403509069,331,10,82,5,12,113,62,95,0.251,0.693,0.056,-0.959,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,5,0,8,4,1,1,1,9,15,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,3,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,3,12,2,10,14,2,11,0,2,3,1,4,8,0,1,1,47,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513867476331715,0.19294311361975602,0.0,0.20238389609733887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586344671041325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440184357937048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119548803881848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032737088478281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825156922210191,0.0,0.0,0.1433024774878816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6088340889383635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217270517810722,0.34214889201106313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878017734440347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824872453479714
suicidewatch,kinop,2018/01/11,"Last resort. Please help. I dont know what to do or where to go. I am completely lost, completely alone, and I have nobody that can help me. I have spent 10 years working on a goal, and I am already there but I ran out of fuel. I built a company, lost my wife because of it, got a few clients and invested everything I had to build something they want. I am there already and got contracts. But they cant pay right now and I have nobody to help me anymore. I cant bear the shame of being one week away from making my 10 year suffering come true into a company that will be successful if I can just get through 2 weeks.

I cant pay my electric next Monday and I cant pay natural gas for heat. I don’t have credit as I spent it all on my company and living expenses. I risked it all and it paid off, in a month I will have enough to pay. But what if my clients delay payments a few more weeks? Where can I get a few hundred dollars to eat and pay for heat and light?

I can show what I have but I can’t bear not making it next week. I bet it all on making a life for myself and my family and failing when I got so close. My last resort is an internet believer in me when you hear my story and what I’ve built. Please help.
",1.3814932595921157,2.73965143726236,3.3848202557898404,92.08744815070862,78.35361216730038,6.911095748358108,22.600933287245077,7.686295010490155,0.7868798479087449,940,28,221,14,22,319,126,263,0.09,0.757,0.153,0.9106,0,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,6,9,9,0,2,10,0,27,2,0,3,4,37,46,24,0,3,9,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,17,1,1,1,1,13,3,8,6,0,1,10,2,39,3,24,32,8,32,0,4,0,0,9,13,0,4,16,151,51,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120750239987745,0.25829042678042136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606204192438108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995328048848184,0.0,0.0,0.07134023508184377,0.0,0.0,0.13185242605639788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081074691341327,0.24540688343409325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715796793931512,0.0,0.0,0.11975062677669288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092299155689007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517877211403544,0.0,0.11032521082417658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228640381013105,0.0,0.06651069055657009,0.0,0.2807980896030104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190100729737889,0.0,0.3137702353363025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431647712698801,0.19078969379592348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266155685127786,0.0,0.0,0.10333939263866236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555035421777017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435475369354605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341201121346096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892488374501825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930237147187237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569269927966074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994274704480433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009520106293772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902716486221806,0.0,0.3754967500965752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519903475480907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072661387187872
suicidewatch,larangel3,2018/01/11,"Can't really think of a title I'm 26 years old and have not accomplished a single thing in my life for which I can say I'm proud of. On the contrary, my life seems to be a collection of mistakes from which I can't ever seem to learn from. I've been addicted to pornography for more than 10 years and it has affected my life in a VERY negative way. I've studied 3 different majors none of which I finished, the last one being electrical engineering, I was supposed to finally graduate last semester but my visa was revoked (I'm an international student). So my education has stalled for another year while I finish in my home country. The girl I was dating dumped me for her ex and contacted me a month later to tell me she was pregnant with my child, the thought of being a father actually made me happy. Until the next day when she said it was too much of a hassle and dissapeared for a week only to come back to inform me she had had an abortion, this tore me appart.
  I have attempted to kill myself once before, when I was 18. I've been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember and was able to overcome it for about 3 years, the duration of my last real relationship with the love of my life, but I managed to fuck that up as well and depression came back. The only thing that has kept me from killing myself until now has been the guilt of causing my family and friends that kind of pain if I were to do it, only that, I hate myself.
  For this new year 2018 I made a list of things I want to accomplish, and have already made my mind to commit suicide if I don't accomplish anything by the end of the year. 
  The people who read this will be the only ones, besides me, who know about my resolve since I do not talk to anyone about my feelings at all, I just don't feel I should burden anyone with my issues.",9.157765765765767,5.788107172972975,9.46567567567568,71.13238738738741,62.405405405405396,12.893693693693695,38.18018018018018,10.93419730881044,3.8944828828828815,1434,50,291,28,15,484,189,370,0.14800000000000002,0.758,0.094,-0.9773,1,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,0,0,0,6,13,18,5,1,24,0,34,8,0,5,3,46,55,21,3,5,7,2,2,0,1,2,6,2,1,2,19,14,0,1,11,1,1,2,8,11,1,2,20,4,47,7,57,29,6,40,0,2,0,2,20,6,1,4,31,214,66,8,0.09299541258062084,0.0,0.09075010792914666,0.10137872635132476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262275026014056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751379851017464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004910945482412,0.0,0.07652730083117693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430154640205081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913224667032685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636197773164104,0.0,0.095531905485656,0.0,0.08010731356163174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997434779596835,0.0958741869557566,0.16019362517635166,0.0,0.0,0.09716041308213846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236633304560567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411967476701876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766779860123751,0.0,0.09404254960053438,0.0,0.0,0.10187192890221444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184802507469266,0.08597276042266963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899534593474127,0.0,0.09181371702362982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328198120083687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706304976746397,0.0,0.0,0.2057712912075948,0.0968404116830712,0.05110784671416437,0.22741101955674825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627416404271044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822980137388773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393199063732748,0.2639835237563747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389885669427044,0.0,0.07422805109386345,0.0,0.06836232843606847,0.0,0.0,0.08981554896145835,0.09890167628944388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975830419911698,0.09903707935642404,0.12603219660964596,0.2829088072053829,0.09895367564987788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447130986896743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302057845997888,0.10584913880354793,0.05957524258277822,0.0,0.0,0.09984227054997337,0.10534567408158926,0.0,0.08845993309937167,0.07395368464666084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693190618999261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692676627476706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017218875969685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474619002868266,0.08128208953419272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853460597351848,0.059587705391479714,0.0,0.07382796990062633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673095464649357,0.054851103768108464,0.07381542992634134,0.0745953105753593,0.0,0.08361404421005107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359315980365315
suicidewatch,Slagwolfy,2018/01/11,"I plan on killing myself after graduation in May Im just tired of this crippling disease i have. 

It eats me up day to day. Taunts me. I cant even look at myself half the time. 

Ive always had major issues with self hate and wanting to 'fit in' and i only made matters worse for myself giving into these fantasized thoughts of becoming who i truly am. It was good on paper, but im so scared it just wont work for me and ill never be good enough for myself.

I feel like im being thoroughly punished. I wasnt a very good person in highschool. I manipulated, cheated, backstabbed, judegmental and i feel like the world is just calmy performing natural selection and thats why im having these thoughts. 

I lost pretty much 99% of my social life and circle of friends.

The best thing ive ever done is not have a kid - so glad my gene pool is cut off

My mom cries saying its hard on her and i hate seeing her cry over me. 

I promised my family id graduate and get my degree. They have no idea i plan on killing myself shortly after.

I see my therapist in a week. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I dont think im changing my mind",1.5483558994197288,3.447488425531919,3.589526112185688,88.35295454545457,79.63829787234042,6.3152804642166345,22.171179883945843,7.348242739294969,0.8010851063829789,880,27,186,12,22,299,140,235,0.212,0.614,0.175,-0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,6,8,18,7,1,6,0,20,5,1,2,2,31,37,11,2,2,6,1,3,2,1,2,3,1,0,3,11,10,1,0,6,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,8,7,38,9,27,25,4,25,0,1,3,0,12,17,0,1,10,124,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389567481848001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113548810517599,0.0,0.0,0.1058111279055949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666100403073467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215062190002055,0.1300494248096287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318045394425933,0.11816783634239718,0.0,0.0,0.1031706191003692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418066475474363,0.0,0.0665949124656776,0.09120328707733964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505019396962686,0.0,0.10196175475544414,0.14406085725033885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789825715536733,0.0,0.10535530650854594,0.09672190830778997,0.0,0.25370530167699257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032068558675292,0.19909046996522295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382077771758635,0.5445492835776518,0.10523660745315856,0.0,0.0,0.22309903356449026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121669611007463,0.0985174109362161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846688155102152,0.0,0.1100639693434211,0.0,0.0,0.09540441506905753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018059616497615,0.1180867075144454,0.0,0.0,0.0741190343745203,0.0,0.07776356600350752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668305075989393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803775803691495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257673687363572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801812316789999,0.10094485539463888,0.0,0.16069123670048807,0.0,0.10518396597433743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277985784042908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706726761964847,0.06698460632228337,0.06460551132836563,0.0,0.1600898613037433,0.0587927077790602,0.11588516019817732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831923721023024,0.11894009284574975,0.0,0.0808768881224351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098017922597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340284889530392,0.0,0.10275075583727904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lop333,2018/01/11,"This all is soo bullshit and tiring im just sad af,I just want to die. My life was never hard yes i got bullied in school because i was  a edgy fuck and ironicly i was to open always talking about myself but i never stood up for myself in that time.My early childhood was pure chaos i never had confidence in myself or my looks i was just to shy to tell the girl i like that i love her,now that was a mistake im sure she would have agreed if i was better person back there but i was just to scared.She was crazy but she also was soo fucking great we had allot of fun and nice moments,but after some time she moved to another country.I meet her once later when she came to her father  funeral,it was weird she never was close to her  father she was seprated from him for some time.Soo yea we had greate time at a bar so that kinda gave a strenght to live for some time.The fact that i cant visit her hits hard.Once again im here with this disgusting thoughts and all because no one not even my own fucking therapists understands me.Like god damn.Im 19years old and i just want to fucking die.Like for real but only thing is it hase to be quick.My mom and her partner (my mom and dad divorced long time ago but they moved away from each other recently,My dad is great but sadly im living with my mother) dont respect and trust me but i have done nothing to deserve that like what the fuck i gave her money from my work for bills.She is stressing me out because i know she be mad if i change my job but i also hate my fucking job i work 12j a day abd its just not worth it.My only good gift for christmes was from my dad.No one else even fucking tried.I  also hate my job and its just such a workspace that i never in my life wanted no body told me its 12h a day while also earnign minimal earnings.Ehhh her partner also gives us moeny some time but dosnt pay bills himself,He once called me a faggot because i told him to get out because he closed himself in a totilet and just drunk beer there what a fucking turd.
Everyone in this house is fucking insane.My mom just wants her way and her partner is creating dumb fucking rules.No one in this house hase intrest on anything remotly close to my intrests wich is ehh its just boring.Worst thing is this stress like god damn.Best thing would be if i could change departments in work.Like if i could work at an office instead of a security gate.",1.3643800000000006,3.4545450780000024,2.5644000000000027,94.48820000000002,81.22,5.04,21.4,6.042040473130201,0.09728000000000048,1889,57,410,13,50,604,228,500,0.17800000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.123,-0.984,3,0,2,0,1,1,31.0,3,0,1,4,27,36,15,2,14,2,37,18,1,0,10,78,68,33,1,13,26,8,1,3,3,2,3,0,1,5,23,23,3,1,3,3,4,5,11,21,0,3,26,2,64,15,45,34,9,47,0,2,1,11,49,19,11,11,25,256,87,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944722616015721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230435444498852,0.04641495072512565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584921119278958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590369275062032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240886503168187,0.04289278367119848,0.0,0.17002042754533692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058539588584682826,0.04933449512188359,0.0,0.061961037450434076,0.0,0.0,0.056959484692026566,0.06379955248797299,0.0,0.0,0.1180195583882109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907450367846416,0.0,0.0,0.07194933061126323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578546439167235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570841786061178,0.06537588872124943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465985607711272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073686744574766,0.0,0.0,0.05330192855577271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156940250736167,0.02914370359857644,0.05351101374247852,0.0,0.046787152025493405,0.04461382481049877,0.18449899182065613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999391251107802,0.11014601614769337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872948364004455,0.0,0.0,0.3012697402976454,0.0,0.16606457547490924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030656234667001795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880071166737293,0.08175655271976283,0.0,0.0985127548208619,0.049365163747114665,0.046842687759104114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034527898302942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599301355287474,0.0,0.11857451372244955,0.0,0.0,0.2151119287181539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352416984020853,0.0,0.058533646536356614,0.1782174836556107,0.11339763392317438,0.08484918990576565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048706541905469546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349193415660549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056454189493934215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779579442803132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257371414377685,0.0,0.0,0.04483532156616063,0.04875577765818626,0.0,0.0,0.06476700342237651,0.111176906623053,0.0,0.0,0.04428454172448403,0.2276878335297073,0.06411300716049409,0.0,0.10660385711154542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058070851751283986,0.06709867264132535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160627316299509,0.04427701981896239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243934490929945,0.0,0.0,0.07925162242207541,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmberNovaMeow,2018/01/11,"I want to end my life. I was born the wrong sex, I am trans and other trans people don't understand, and it hurts and I will never get to be me. I hate it. There is no escape other than death i can think of. All that's left for me in the future is debt I can't pay off and a butchered male body, with continued pain. ",-0.3711066398390344,1.2405077042253507,1.8276861167002032,100.02450704225357,84.63380281690141,5.183903420523139,14.368209255533195,6.18269132825596,-0.9875649899396386,241,3,63,2,7,81,54,71,0.28600000000000003,0.657,0.056,-0.9612,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,9,4,1,0,2,10,14,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,10,0,8,11,1,8,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298995494586118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630534496864066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517000815902793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29322557043087777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31794416401553444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32269088317922073,0.0,0.20977956749739812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906436459867516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160284642565969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059020942141839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030532114920093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30918700876743005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517803126331816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247223872693012,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMostBoringRoad,2018/01/11,"I just want to be equal to everyone else. I don't know what to do anymore. I just can't live up to my dreams. I have a really tiny penis and because of that I can't be in a relationship. I hate that no matter what I do or accomplish i can't overcome it.

These last couple of years I made huge changes to myself. I became more confident than I had ever been in my life. I got a great job and a promotion. I got a whole bunch of cool stuff with all this money I made, but it doesn't make me feel any better. No matter what accomplishments I achieve it never makes me feel like I'm any more deserving of living. It doesn't make me not hate myself. It doesn't fix my broken genes.

I can at least take care of my relatives; that's what I told myself. I'll take care of them until they die, but I don't think I can do it. I hope my life insurance policy and my savings can last them a while. I want peace, but they need me so bad. I'm not a real man I can't handle the pressure. No matter how strong I get its too much.",0.9551026669813538,2.297335739910313,3.2743639367477013,92.49161198961531,79.49327354260089,6.6678310125088505,18.91172999763984,7.475848149327749,0.201032286995515,782,16,189,11,19,270,117,223,0.113,0.6609999999999999,0.226,0.9585,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,6,6,13,2,1,8,1,20,2,0,6,3,34,45,11,1,4,8,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,17,4,0,0,4,1,1,0,15,4,0,0,7,3,40,9,18,36,8,12,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,8,131,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416573578959924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428949494694709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306098729667888,0.08254416327414932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975839254087825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761173134915334,0.0,0.14324493000321634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982765304751713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053332319392714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311697259456124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248533184341875,0.0,0.12938924919364536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369338734026926,0.09673632646042694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074569400235241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165981401534892,0.14928906999228272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673770108732341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449184285840532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437269107362582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441732961907953,0.22075306617154256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128697956768528,0.0661540727180382,0.0,0.23913752705836225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625483057757426,0.27115998469531755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954130834756418,0.10040417170655463,0.10443588704418276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412526174882338,0.0867465712107671,0.0,0.0,0.14537875561436026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501108463210722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362166341294768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676471810997625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938924919364536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973565436676418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511794843681374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719905542031517
suicidewatch,DagtheBulf,2018/01/11,"I hate myself I am a little drunk so bear with me. I've been suicidal for pretty close to 4 years now, and I hate every second of it. I can't keep a job because even the smallest amount of responsibility drives me into full blown psychosis (I'm a paranoid schizophrenic). I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist; I have been for 6 months now for the therapist and 4 years for the psychiatrist. The only reason I don't go grab my mossberg and blow my brains out is because I would hate to do that to my family, friends, and boyfriend. But I'm starting to not care about that anymore. I just want to die. I'm so tired of it all. ""It gets better!"" Well it hasn't for 4 years. It's just gotten worse. I'm a deadbeat who dropped out of school and can't keep a job. I had a bright future but now I just hate myself. I hate everything about me. I'm just gonna keep drinking this rum until I run out or pass out, whichever comes first. Wish me luck.",1.0678426395939091,3.1329263807106607,2.9266269035533017,91.62405203045687,82.14720812182742,5.767411167512691,21.01751269035533,6.961326702584282,0.3987220304568524,735,22,163,9,20,245,106,197,0.16699999999999998,0.746,0.087,-0.9361,2,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,11,5,0,12,0,13,5,1,1,1,31,36,12,2,3,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,9,14,2,3,1,3,0,5,5,5,1,2,4,3,22,6,23,30,3,25,0,0,2,0,2,8,0,2,11,104,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800461115200216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506856093071946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523565189934056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283050920990835,0.0,0.0,0.12131669801787655,0.0,0.0,0.10249805011367133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349126909703245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165634230145226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859077692502826,0.0,0.10025293665361862,0.0,0.10693918441352622,0.0,0.11217176079024976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121155072396787,0.0,0.0,0.09193021394992036,0.0,0.06216657613258762,0.0,0.0676239022375019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5873825091744068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361554366684556,0.3172873173127638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925772863469244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497547929884664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049611018420492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105407375507987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233998754011265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042270665110726,0.09481842283255318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422066724613794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015409790954596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763096210828471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675976792896966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018249561556321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698494447769584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683089382826052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125943907573355,0.08452601094896009,0.0,0.0,0.22987406345733916
suicidewatch,Terriblexistence,2018/01/11,"I really feel like killing myself today. Traveling in a few hours back to Cali today, and I know there's a bridge I can jump off of, just not sure whether it's tall enough.

It'll be at least 3 hours before I leave and at least 7 hours before make we make it there after that, so time to reconsider, but I doubt it.",4.097835820895522,3.8459799402985126,5.032052238805972,88.81882462686569,70.49253731343283,8.491044776119404,22.720149253731346,8.07648339933343,0.7356000000000003,244,4,58,3,4,80,48,67,0.14300000000000002,0.826,0.031,-0.6979,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,13,7,5,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,8,5,4,15,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,9,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712101274214002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34774809346826085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111326914175136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331792254276807,0.14597697466598927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036864852307018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260664179865116,0.0,0.1122971797462134,0.0,0.0,0.21636127593651192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982776636823773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727904167589076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090224211869142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258333227350505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914938974845775,0.0,0.3873714015775245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TwelfthHawk2718,2018/01/11,"Worried about my best friend My friend has been going through a lot lately. She broke up with her boyfriend, that same boyfriend has been sucking all the hope and positivity away from her, not to mention most of her friends as well. She's fallen into a depression, it seems. Yesterday she sent me a text that said: ""I can't take it anymore. I need to do something."" This made me shit bricks. I haven't heard from her today. I am honestly frightened. I need insight. ",1.9317466802860075,4.6563368426966365,2.2823084780388183,93.11036772216549,85.06741573033706,5.034116445352401,24.94484167517876,6.574015621080383,0.8512831460674164,365,15,73,4,11,111,66,89,0.16399999999999998,0.602,0.234,0.8207,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,11,2,0,4,0,8,1,1,1,1,14,19,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,6,2,16,7,12,13,5,9,0,2,0,0,14,3,2,4,3,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106523730039363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995649832660793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229098456767418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829473181524124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923193474456457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071676978594308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109697847846412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396062865421276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805822968129624,0.0,0.2009862654417365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149967469582958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204933257058136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933689199715211,0.0,0.0,0.2180344973283702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352260898994006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970492185517507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013386290078229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098094735375626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571136438277733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bp4w94,2018/01/11,"I'm just trying to be loved I'm just being misunderstood.  I'm on my best behavior and I am made feel like shit every time I'm with my girlfriend. I messed up before. And she won't accept me anymore.  Everything is my fault.

We were supposed to be soulmates. I'm just tired of the struggle now.  I wish I can go back and change everything",0.28960317460317603,2.6545530714285697,2.446190476190477,91.37769841269842,89.71428571428572,5.396825396825397,20.63492063492064,6.937597516519254,0.582730158730159,265,9,56,4,9,89,49,70,0.229,0.607,0.165,-0.4912,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,1,0,8,3,1,1,0,12,18,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,10,4,6,12,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,4,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399057372377692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860107722015664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584417790067214,0.0,0.2538654091669635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559044588824371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038162275468816,0.0,0.4348190062384266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231493559669225,0.17281768560028266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374807472589809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818304620902705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183295981003167,0.22889729414329815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483130195920064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528926612562223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105732650049213,0.27803534649339856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423828619178946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781799468707864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HighAcclimatization,2018/01/11,"Please help Hi. I’m 18, female, first year student in a college that I hate. I’m overweight. I have no friends. I have a boyfriend. I love him, but lately it’s getting hard to give him the love he needs. I’m constantly irritable and I haven’t felt happy in a year or two. I’ve been diagnosed with depression. I have pills for it, and I know it’s stupid, but I haven’t been taking them. It’s easier to feel like shit than just feel the constant boredom eating away at me, which is the only thing I have to focus on when I’m taking the pills. 

All I do is sit in my dorm room on my laptop all day. Making friends and doing new things makes me very anxious. Coupled with a lack of motivation, I have no incentive to go out and do anything. I have no motivation to do my work; I barely scraped by last semester with my grades. I hate it there, and every day I feel like I made a mistake by going. I knew with the current mental state I was in that it wouldn’t be a good idea, but I also feel as if I have no other choice. My relationship with my parents is already sour. If I were to leave college interacting with them would become a nightmare. I don’t think I can graduate, but if I don’t fucking try then I know it’s certain I’ll just end up working shitty minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life.

I think about killing myself constantly. I hate my life and the direction it’s going towards, but how the hell am I supposed to change anything if all I feel constantly is sadness and a sense of hopelessness? God just please help me. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t sleep. I can’t do work. I can’t think.",1.4897865415908882,3.3045014035608347,3.355908873360772,90.36476596152006,79.47477744807122,6.366191251076865,23.927347563893946,7.359569317364363,0.9340501387958268,1251,44,276,17,31,420,165,337,0.224,0.622,0.155,-0.9837,4,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,0,2,6,8,21,8,0,16,0,33,13,2,6,4,55,67,22,1,9,13,1,7,2,2,2,7,0,2,0,15,14,2,0,15,0,1,3,13,12,0,2,7,8,49,9,34,57,5,33,1,3,0,3,16,12,3,5,18,183,64,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285329988469907,0.07453547196737392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529436749572596,0.09243365425561913,0.0,0.0,0.15339845018386353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756853958820816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293686385320007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859782657622296,0.0,0.0,0.4028830930329801,0.0,0.0,0.10312882243839208,0.0,0.12021816923851995,0.0,0.08027675602200238,0.09460043674593197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537130183856654,0.0,0.0,0.08255137512557124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852867099247962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356345579188388,0.13317038920333035,0.08949077672087169,0.0,0.0,0.0792795586118549,0.0,0.0,0.14401887399038066,0.08616590460938707,0.04869541747901207,0.08941008973349647,0.15891051216936244,0.0781753730382673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921774632627664,0.08349277577737879,0.27605995005850553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494580040077427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521634785038787,0.0,0.0,0.09249091950940436,0.0,0.10311678584225607,0.0,0.10244532856950504,0.07597397176312806,0.10513854808221867,0.09868993172012724,0.0,0.0,0.13166595451078553,0.09106985900328228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682411001665348,0.08819219411130208,0.1244292329452772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939280464527702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910983243337064,0.0,0.09001732625781894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088609570917842,0.0,0.0,0.10349238255861606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462073928158828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006657362051098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567290913675908,0.0,0.0,0.0932716447317053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023417850706205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384163560916694,0.1791647207817455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327962447326277,0.0,0.09104709088266093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690333643065861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356159492445086,0.0,0.0,0.06620968448087879,0.0,0.0,0.120041070127224
suicidewatch,Ivegotenough,2018/01/11,Easy and fail proof way to kill myself? Is there any? (from Germany),-0.423333333333332,0.8907661538461547,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,118.23076923076924,1.7333333333333334,12.025641025641027,3.1291,-1.9196974358974361,52,1,11,0,3,15,13,13,0.399,0.466,0.135,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468010020677551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7269032104984109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5215175808334297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,r0sebud11,2018/01/11,"Can't cope My brother has stage 4 cancer and it's spreading. He's so young (20s) and the battle is taking a toll on him. It's also taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally and has been for the past 2+ years. It's extremely difficult to see him suffer and to hold it together around him. He's always been my best friend, we have an amazing bond, it's like we're the same person. 

I have never imagined a life without him and it's getting increasingly hard to cope. I'm constantly crying, can't focus at work, can't connect with others, can't sleep. I used to see a therapist for some anxiety issues about 7 years ago. I know I should see her again to help me with this now but there is also a large part of me that just doesn't want to get help. What's the point of it? To mask my pain until I die? I really don't see a point of living without him in my life... I mean, how would I be able to enjoy anything ever again? He's the best, kindest, funniest person I know. 

Lately I've been fantasizing about ways to kill myself and they are becoming more and more frequent and tempting. They're usually about overdosing on something. The only thing keeping me here is just trying to support him while he goes through this. ",2.2888880840275263,4.0945617370517935,3.9973940601231455,86.7240954364361,77.04780876494023,6.954074610648316,23.36128214415067,7.84624498591911,1.1596517928286856,960,30,198,15,22,322,142,251,0.12,0.75,0.13,0.6609,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,1,3,16,12,2,0,13,0,20,5,1,2,2,33,36,16,2,3,5,1,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,13,13,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,5,27,7,30,30,8,27,0,1,4,0,19,8,0,1,17,134,40,1,0.11812661810032947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471211959365176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889316276337237,0.09829080918555126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036653951998004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720814165641194,0.1051577344066728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046156895477234,0.0,0.0,0.2479331957262207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765290891655648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975654318455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259677980032475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287654595474718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685228894826426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126433211856884,0.0,0.12343256492211585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058182473855038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583555642208162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329349903786342,0.0,0.10499636575782133,0.13068960101348345,0.0,0.1298386000599852,0.0,0.13325197045049286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668726475667809,0.05771069879786681,0.0,0.1043079679625591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286745171159975,0.0,0.0,0.11904384736804074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110653015398512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984061605457662,0.12569505020458244,0.0,0.0,0.12791961604775715,0.11276522328221007,0.0,0.2062872131382879,0.0,0.0,0.22333567200409013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567493635999896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765264828846413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821192773119553,0.0,0.0,0.09093964175803844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404868635649678,0.0,0.0,0.17763303154487506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371541082227772,0.078478076165883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020021965526421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202347077341332,0.13009978103461206,0.0,0.06967413991071553,0.09376341110655616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773968898104102,0.0,0.08599758485827133,0.0,0.0,0.08391376028022791,0.0,0.0,0.1521393382466124
suicidewatch,alex10289,2018/01/11,Fuck My Life I Am Done No words to express.  I'm fucking 40. Spent 4 years in prison for a non accident DUI. Not saying I was innocent but fuck child molesters had lighter sentances. Crushed 5 back bones about a decade ago and dealing with horrible pain.  I have fractures and without insurance no one will do shit.  I went to one Doctor and he gave me Subutex for severe pain and come to find out that shit is so strong they give it to people detxing off of heroin.  Wtf.  Anyways I am amped uped pissed off and need a quick way to dispose of myself in a quick manner.  Any suggestions?.  ,2.555359683794464,4.786254069565222,3.4681422924901213,88.81841897233204,77.8695652173913,6.616600790513835,26.10671936758893,7.686295010490155,1.4933478260869568,458,18,91,7,11,146,88,115,0.414,0.54,0.046,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,7,0,4,0,9,11,4,0,0,14,19,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,9,0,2,6,1,9,1,17,12,0,13,0,0,0,3,9,5,6,0,5,57,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381473973772733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800851666946725,0.0,0.11799934261337268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334259344627929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947185246669528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889118597130133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776047601445888,0.0,0.17757089238944754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585938573458649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812484849650495,0.0,0.1664559024047612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256209192610985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866265493108886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23516287165462166,0.0,0.3692743783349133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029670811086178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379898257650301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602786454953505,0.35623094604907257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773185694496076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085449537020907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726679358849253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174099429504562
suicidewatch,BluePFC,2018/01/11,"I have a problem So, I just broke up with me ex and I was fine for the first few days. I have a great job opportunity, but now I can’t go because I took a knife last night and slit an inch deep, 6 inch long cut in my leg. It was a surreal experience. There wasn’t any pain because it was so sharp. You just see your leg open up and it SPEWS blood like crazy. Anyways, I got my stitches and staples and now I’m here. The truth is, cutting doesn’t help my pain anymore. I’m going to start hanging. I’m just ready to cross over. The idea of not being alive anymore sounds so relaxing. My father left for Iraq two days ago, so I’m just alone. I really wanted to pull the trigger in a hotel to avoid my mother finding me, but honestly, I think if I’m going anyways, it won’t matter where it’s done. I’m not seeking help because the truth is, I don’t WANT help. I write this with truth. I’m dying. It won’t be long and I’m sorry if my mom gets hurt. There’s just no way I can be happy without my true love. ",-0.36166666666666814,1.5509712272727292,2.0377272727272744,96.77992424242426,86.72727272727272,4.757575757575757,18.71212121212121,5.985473137389443,-0.3560606060606064,770,21,187,6,24,262,123,220,0.18,0.619,0.201,0.728,1,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,0,2,17,20,2,1,11,0,18,6,3,1,4,35,38,14,1,5,12,4,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,3,2,0,7,10,8,0,2,7,3,23,12,15,26,1,30,0,2,1,1,11,11,0,2,12,107,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340572688500435,0.0,0.0,0.1441847889963545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467099623862796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761278088239835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25459257567136473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956435845792248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448322490013948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246531305324456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617901541746494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724001795039094,0.118416235841359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273410878609349,0.0,0.2373573341754772,0.0,0.11134297932157934,0.1534850652116347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819699118334453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799387060178403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490325720013438,0.15715682679841408,0.0,0.0,0.1381494388917048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347883257213345,0.0,0.0,0.1512575405511602,0.0,0.0,0.06801343303745007,0.0,0.0,0.2464018464970485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564700248312824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304696393912688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064387766372154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962692207270343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320998505591414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918471486129942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109363569664822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558398315955742,0.09853711680136887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920337180657109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467302390415602,0.0,0.0,0.13599285837873776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422526664794224,0.11050241316596886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419832378683902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skiicago,2018/01/11,I don't wanna wake up in the morning. I just want to sleep forever. ,-1.3520000000000003,0.6377088000000022,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,94.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7823333333333333,52,2,12,1,2,19,14,15,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8614952991642779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077655458160303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hobstank,2018/01/11,"I can’t stop thinking about death. Hi, I’m Kat, 16, and in 10th grade. 

I’m honestly trying to get better, but I keep getting suicidal thoughts from even the tiniest problems. I want to die so fucking bad and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I feel so pathetic since nobody takes what I have to say seriously and they think I’m “crying wolf” when I reference suicide and death. All I want is for someone to stop me because I’m scared, but I just want the pain to stop and this is seemingly the only other option. 

I’m tired, I really am. I’m over everything and if nobody believes that I’m actually going to do it, then so be it- I’ll prove them wrong anyways. 
",1.6171153846153885,3.5012469642857162,3.6971428571428615,87.73708791208792,79.35714285714286,6.87912087912088,24.340659340659343,7.882392219407189,1.3137582417582414,525,19,112,9,13,179,91,140,0.403,0.55,0.047,-0.9971,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,1,9,9,1,1,3,0,9,3,0,1,2,29,32,15,5,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,6,0,4,8,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,2,14,2,11,30,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,3,5,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.15357012307065246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139712335920584,0.09593110642006952,0.0,0.0,0.17730175827497072,0.0,0.13918070816684094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286322224924786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332489964320354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394120044289099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143373608494986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957084705236782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548574872375078,0.1644383426011846,0.0,0.08943682518756478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398774170759405,0.0,0.0,0.0864862697011678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568483422102435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968674564614007,0.1674524526153703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058154644435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008150573500619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514669912660584,0.1575545197038956,0.0,0.0,0.14326346143015314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017783927559434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333883328055102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39470433882307615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442738119814029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366448539483407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167229459631936,0.0,0.12493396076782193,0.0,0.18087331627206935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684369400153047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27846217316257754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720590589688553,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puppyninjas,2018/01/11,"No Emergency But I'm Worried Hey All, 

Long time lurker, first time poster. Over the years I've commented on a few posts, shared a few of my own strategies and generally helped when I felt I could. This however is my first time on the podium.

I'm 25 and I've been suicidal on and off for like 11 years. I know all the tricks and have even gotten myself to the point where I can feel an episode coming and prepare properly.

Anyway, in a month I loose a seasonal job and, with some other break up and lack of success stuff, I can feel some real dark periods are like 2 weeks away. This time something weird is happening. I'm not scared. 

Normally the idea I might finally off myself fills me with dread as my brain completes the checklist of consequences. The anxiety bubbles and I just freak out.

Recently though? It feels great. I will be in an anxious situation and thinking about leaving is like breathing out after holding it for hours. It's like I'm finally getting permission to relax where I couldn't before. I'm not burdened ideas of hurting my family, friends and peers; my brain just accepts it and moves on. These days the thought of suicide is the most Zen thing in the world.

I'm not in any immediate danger. This won't happen next week, but I've fought this thing a bunch of times and I think I'm starting to make peace with the fact my last fight might be coming.

Is this a weird thing? Like has anyone else been in a similiar place before? Let me know.

P.S. This community is awesome. During my darkest episodes it was amazing just to see that other people were thinking in the same way as me. Let's keep this shit up.",2.8773831775700955,5.099971987538943,3.6914112149532734,87.65487383177572,76.78816199376948,6.896822429906544,25.34174454828661,7.908726449838941,1.460924735202492,1292,47,257,21,30,411,180,321,0.136,0.742,0.122,-0.2342,2,0,1,0,1,1,35.0,0,0,0,3,10,24,5,2,21,0,25,4,4,1,3,58,53,18,2,4,8,0,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,20,19,0,2,13,1,0,4,6,12,0,2,8,5,23,12,37,35,11,55,1,1,1,0,7,23,1,5,30,166,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652780012618282,0.0,0.07343378549963046,0.10844388541506883,0.0,0.06711999210117199,0.09835537314790756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018785048928693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163364617988572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143181279367992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537759546506087,0.1006460162619449,0.0,0.0,0.07664197665132072,0.0,0.0,0.06190704061278775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018918229390821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634019559356407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049292185558944,0.0,0.14560965191125644,0.0,0.09216758471736533,0.2103095697282885,0.0,0.16330186645948,0.0,0.0,0.07416335099431612,0.0,0.05015197297754104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583176134855976,0.0,0.0,0.16977120611930754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434156158593016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945330004649649,0.0,0.10276165678699964,0.21672706416214785,0.0,0.0,0.0952574664320894,0.08532229564457154,0.0,0.0,0.10550962731364937,0.0782464711490172,0.0,0.1016419007171762,0.0,0.19631709708841955,0.0,0.2344847495028472,0.0,0.0,0.08495009393377563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640755521911002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366515162935694,0.0,0.0,0.0766200741241707,0.1020245383006818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208881489720804,0.0,0.09405199444746093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654891874765984,0.0,0.10029143891808223,0.0,0.09074367525569603,0.0,0.09193401198681214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092601616449816,0.0,0.0,0.09478073658729018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610495812212486,0.0,0.07649337112485001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985346343067604,0.0,0.10789927711097404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389950065307653,0.0,0.0,0.06794378733147988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988812587562244,0.2099998168583096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131889664696944,0.18452381559409692,0.09431186869624793,0.0762071001846724,0.279869176933458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619415610564739,0.15399833732323528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748475890610196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363168480505216
suicidewatch,Losingitall215,2018/01/11,"I just lost everything I have. I don’t even know where to begin. I come from a very bad family background and living situation. I was living with my recovering mother and my baby sister, trying to help her, when she relapsed recently. From then on it was hell trying to deal with her, so eventually, I realized I couldn’t do it any more. I needed to sort out my life and figure out something for my sister. Her father, who is just about worthless, was supposedly watching her for me while I took a week away to figure out a new living situation. 

Then I stopped hearing from everybody. Fearing the worst, I had my cousin take me home.... and while my sister is okay, everything is gone. My mother claims that she was asleep for 2 days and in that time, burglars ransacked the apartment. They took everything. I am an aspiring filmmaker and they took my camera, my sound equipment, my laptop, my headphones, all of gaming stuff, studio equipment, programs, and my most prized possession, my PowerSpec G350 computer that was brand new. 

She was so out of it, she didn’t even care that I was taking her child away. It took every ounce of my being not to kill her, and to report this to the police. The cops were kind but just about useless. I don’t think my mother took my things, she can barely move, and it’s a miracle she isn’t dead. 

I think some local drug addicts that she got into it with have been keeping tabs on her and made their move when she was unconscious. It’s a miracle my sister wasn’t taken or killed. I left my mother’s apartment with my sister, took her to stay with some relatives, and now I’m just contemplating my next move. 

I want to die. Everything that I’ve worked so hard for this past year is just gone. I cannot believe it even happened. This was a nice place to live. They even took my fucking clothes. I’ve lost everything I have in a single day. Honestly I want to go to the person I know did this and kill them, my whole life has just been abuse and neglect and just when i finally start to make something of it, some piece of shit takes it all from me. 

I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I guess it’s just to vent before I take my life. I can’t do this any more. There’s nothing even left. ",4.2149355566882685,5.2234286410835225,4.952977499453873,85.00481467996798,70.7155756207675,8.063758829097793,26.0284715648438,8.360895534625662,1.5446353892084763,1740,52,356,26,31,562,197,443,0.123,0.7929999999999999,0.084,-0.9679,1,0,3,0,1,1,59.0,0,0,5,4,25,20,6,1,13,1,36,8,2,2,2,61,75,26,5,4,11,11,1,0,0,0,5,2,2,2,26,25,0,3,8,1,0,14,10,14,0,0,30,4,73,6,46,43,12,56,1,5,1,1,39,18,3,7,22,250,99,5,0.0,0.07968225128658378,0.0,0.07331426487909043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914669057979109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637034629372856,0.0,0.05615234902489477,0.0,0.0,0.05722623179108476,0.0757696208170919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856757635729717,0.0,0.0,0.05793137294758562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867435482475236,0.0693335356491182,0.0,0.0,0.06979663279347233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799060520681779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26651462754082483,0.0,0.056662446319033014,0.0,0.3022073965358444,0.0,0.06339890467497368,0.07567684426250891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736709351959936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062173100381743125,0.0,0.0,0.038220683187116224,0.0,0.053787317158865235,0.0,0.07408531457291546,0.0,0.059470444166282985,0.0,0.060244301421653323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579753825720317,0.0,0.045077387777742256,0.0,0.06745892480937764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977638888544734,0.22321208044909885,0.07003228239945303,0.1108793041574812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613830806157327,0.0,0.14250556488265462,0.0,0.0,0.2375378847364057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682632005532922,0.0,0.0,0.0636351717332381,0.04489102287848102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144336986451368,0.0,0.0498662733098876,0.0,0.1299041955607529,0.0715229314219491,0.0,0.0,0.0645298068723931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419934433939745,0.0,0.05872157853106881,0.07026369847832142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440852547165025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640292699920422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903288963933299,0.0,0.15118742645913766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354726759534214,0.0,0.0,0.047601089764338425,0.07168134956255819,0.0,0.0562254211472707,0.0,0.0,0.07698709108340918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225959433717672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044679032136158765,0.08618433026015346,0.0,0.0,0.03921499915359776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230336865728933,0.09131896107469327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548968443225065,0.07933357411947854,0.0,0.0539452462571645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068418662988818,0.07508410615031519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896002865046167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330788109743059
suicidewatch,aishismyname,2018/01/11,"I’ve had these thoughts for years For years, I’ve battled suicidal thoughts. I’ve never done anything never self harmed and I suppose that’s a good thing really. But still I feel absolutely deflated sometimes. Anytime something happens to me I feel like I’m better off dead.

My family hasn’t been sympathetic of my thoughts. They try to convince me that I’m going to go to hell for thinking this way instead of comforting me.

I suppose they’re tired of me. I know I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of how I seem like an attention seeker and piece of crap. I really hate myself. I try to stop hating myself but I feel like I DESERVE to feel sad. I mean I really am a horrible person. I feel like I am.

I drive away people and it seems like that pattern doesn’t change.",1.0635280135823422,3.5606888129032264,3.045772495755518,87.75602716468593,86.67741935483872,6.101867572156197,22.996604414261466,7.475848149327749,1.2551935483870964,606,23,120,11,19,203,84,155,0.206,0.642,0.152,-0.862,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,3,16,5,0,3,0,7,4,1,1,2,23,29,6,2,0,2,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,14,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,6,5,25,9,17,23,1,12,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,2,11,70,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915106434371952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320210722845125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656152930373328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274599506747606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330069166182885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358502711547765,0.0,0.30461086387523834,0.258229189657743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695180881869012,0.10105931882520268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654682518297873,0.0,0.0,0.23791320653863374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662168578139715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943208826094699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124636587601884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185854996906732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353096115651358,0.10520516283222164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315624089623428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193748507881304,0.12569488949308555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275727441860132,0.11916536022942127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622158769642096,0.10073306500061463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317939259943518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004663649468638,0.0772036168425561,0.0,0.2869611908878799,0.0,0.41544846507933264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360640176676033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563748312947563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518018407366366
suicidewatch,cris95v1,2018/01/11,"Goodbye letters I have started writing my goodbye letters to my parents and my friends I don’t know if they’ll actually be of use but everyday I feel like I’m closer to ending it all. Everyone leaves, no one cares. Maybe I won’t either. ",1.115624999999998,3.652699312500001,3.509166666666665,84.1525,87.125,5.7,30.91666666666667,7.1686216300943375,2.2598916666666664,189,11,35,3,6,65,38,48,0.058,0.748,0.193,0.7579,1,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,11,3,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,8,3,3,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2988518105628565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31223809342662395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27124295851329416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29263107023069723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548471228266186,0.21878212385276852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366048136901573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683047312342803,0.0,0.0,0.32427017738376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961627198737654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076651571274148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752013967528055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34004981729363304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676241603754556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26449812028433445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spooder_mang,2018/01/11,"How can I help my brother the most? My younger brother just overdosed on his antidepressants and is currently in the hospital. He had a seizure, but the doctors are saying they have his vitals under control.

What can I do to help my brother? I’m terrified for him and deeply pained that he experiences such depression. I recently relocated 10 hours away from my family so I feel helpless out here. We’ve always been really close. I offer my advice and give him the guidance my parents can’t, I really want him to have a better life than I have. 

Is there any advice out there for helping with a situation like this the best? Would it be reckless for me to move back home in order to be with and support my family and brother? Sorry if this doesn’t make sense or isn’t the right subreddit to ask",4.232978494623655,5.883186141935487,5.434596774193548,79.10522849462365,71.45161290322581,8.779569892473116,29.045698924731184,9.2995712137729,2.634924731182796,632,25,118,14,12,210,101,155,0.134,0.6970000000000001,0.168,0.6177,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,8,8,0,0,9,0,17,3,0,3,0,21,24,10,0,3,4,5,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,21,5,19,19,2,15,0,2,0,0,20,9,0,3,5,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201171174883416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362905446852678,0.0,0.0,0.1113862031552976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312619558389365,0.0,0.15389077549182878,0.12594822914355633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189272614134196,0.14486334913406285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370999781692535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107637624526326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765110259666074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160222920212485,0.308822659489647,0.0,0.08281966336615103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712706995669234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32936496729091763,0.0,0.16429971994585393,0.0,0.16130506129371533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569323835260754,0.08002195361399989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109334421025223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408814195158948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428940710300805,0.0,0.18187494143829566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986251677015108,0.0,0.16172778235619928,0.0,0.0,0.13988001794198196,0.0,0.13025634232885874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411242023766755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833550699945984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858726022224792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661052297354446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635525426992252,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notpyroyolka,2018/01/11,"I tried my noose(17M) Background:
Hello. I have been suicidal since I was kid. When I was 8 I started praying to God to kill me in my sleep and I would cry myself to sleep. I was diagnosed with severe depression about a year and a half ago and just got diagnosed with general anxiety and ADHD. I am going to be screened for bipolar disorder in two weeks. My mother, her sister, her mom, and my great grandpa have/had bipolar disorder. My great grandpa acted on it and ended up killing himself. My girlfriend of a year and 7 months broke up with me in November but we still hangout and keep in contact. My family is incredibly Mormon. I am a senior in high school and have not applied to any colleges. I'm pretty intelligent but my work ethic is all. but shit. I lost 2 jobs with 3 months. I have zero friends other than my ex. I have been looking into this sub Reddit for about a month and have read many posts. I decided to make this account to post here. 

Current situation: 
For weeks I have been planning on killing myself. the only thing stopping me was hope and those it would effect. I have lost hope and I don't want to sit here and suffer. I have secured and prepared my noose. I plan to use a method of partial suspension. 
I tested it and now I have little bruises all over my neck. If I don't end it tonight I have to go to school in the morning. I don't know what to do. I want to die. but I still want a chance or else I wouldn't be posting at all.

Thank you for reading",1.4387823114719076,3.6301310132450335,3.174255500961337,89.65620700704979,81.58278145695364,5.883529160435804,24.6425977355266,7.1029339738359605,1.059712540055544,1154,45,239,15,31,383,162,302,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.126,-0.8793,2,0,1,0,0,3,34.0,1,1,0,6,9,16,4,0,9,0,30,8,4,3,3,48,48,22,5,9,8,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,10,21,0,3,3,3,1,3,5,9,0,3,10,2,47,7,39,33,3,41,2,5,2,0,16,15,1,4,19,170,57,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169701695662009,0.0,0.08627600974533987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618684562099862,0.0,0.07445618018748522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069109939494582,0.0,0.0,0.08382905665880991,0.19757313984509672,0.10101181228921803,0.0,0.22309421802264076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130563017199183,0.0,0.17240865838593386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175282534502724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519590318503057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062827305972067,0.0,0.07784264321845713,0.21461044501286006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283310295766812,0.0,0.1933386968512434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658370512448476,0.08651021018866137,0.3230393196434958,0.0,0.05348930175211397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975489148906604,0.0,0.0,0.08173158535753808,0.0,0.21249152125190546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496765524333725,0.09867601364530017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399018347721065,0.23306049141357846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402285328891292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796419379149244,0.09901826634711562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471005375082764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700365748194465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995371432589426,0.09990649994053533,0.08051129677010962,0.10940152361768836,0.19479795592964674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888974656220466,0.0,0.15545363248195074,0.08137114155085004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646178796965247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960717971108759,0.0,0.0,0.06466085578592115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607979056681673,0.0,0.09507598610649512,0.0,0.0,0.08406073712248724,0.0,0.0,0.17222094626473874,0.0,0.1561424060369275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708564442979504,0.0,0.0,0.13827901541483018,0.0,0.0,0.12535296850212993
suicidewatch,TheWorldofDeuce,2018/01/11,Back to reality I’m back to thinking about killing myself. The more I try to be happier the deeper I feel I should do it. It’s the only constant thing in my life. These thoughts.,-0.5250450450450472,1.6493435675675698,1.804189189189192,93.11096846846847,99.81081081081079,4.628828828828829,22.382882882882885,6.42735559955562,0.6539045045045051,140,6,30,2,6,47,28,37,0.116,0.794,0.09,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5426029784798906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812796661089936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839947542237644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903497997911722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492115059774163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683401450311368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344019805844249,0.2260767158827155,0.0,0.2801045092400577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395457591335864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mdfpaf,2018/01/11,"Money problems....I'm overwhelmed I'm at the end of what has been a long, dark period.  Money problems have sent me spiraling into a deep depression.  I am trying to hold on for my son.   Just struggling to keep my head above water and out of this darkness.   I have been to therapists,  but it's been so hard for so long.  What to do??",0.75,3.1522878636363667,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,87.03030303030305,5.724242424242425,20.37121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.6728848484848484,253,8,52,4,8,84,49,66,0.161,0.8220000000000001,0.017,-0.8066,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,8,11,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,4,1,5,0,12,7,0,10,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258259546801272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26557725777943114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686058518300876,0.0,0.3077316310492712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665196122621339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530713945887653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869150446951147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134673305517394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481478571173341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357782187586565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jimmy_Garoppolo_10,2018/01/11,"I did not want to use my actual account for this but I am in serious physical pain. I am combat vet formely of the USMC but since I've gotten out I've had a litany of health issues. Currently half my face is the size of a bowling ball and the VA has a rather large waiting list, and since I'm on disabity I have few choices in my hospital choices. All the waiting list are over a month but the actual pain is unbearable. I can't open my right eye and I have a 24/7 chronic throbbing pain in my face. I don't know what to do but this pain has become unbearable. I love living, existing is nice but I literally can't even hear myself think now because of the pain. Again I don't want to die but if this persist I don't see any other options. Please help others before me I can tough this out for a little while longer, I just don't know what to do and I am running out of ""be Marine and march forward"".",2.321745200698082,3.5787025706806332,4.0796649214659695,88.49286561954627,75.64921465968588,7.1875741710296674,24.775218150087266,7.793537801064563,1.1752698778359505,705,23,155,10,15,238,105,191,0.156,0.742,0.102,-0.8305,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,12,0,23,12,3,1,1,29,36,13,1,4,10,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,3,1,1,2,7,7,0,1,3,3,21,2,19,32,3,19,0,0,2,1,3,12,0,2,7,106,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.2689933572005635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372528029717726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401644102358077,0.15221615993000145,0.11727836572543505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303990968757055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103167953354678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650083299497013,0.15533805275294754,0.0,0.09238075274718524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438528075220605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514893103782134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813620070620145,0.12170142104351532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439185171927365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001007667000492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7332740981745793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128974212727134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770123694141656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982815819982697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228019443624118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831227470080083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903598177056587,0.0,0.0,0.16258473830421938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alien24tb,2018/01/11,"My feelings Let me preface my comments in by saying I am expressing myself and I am not looking for advice,  I'm just venting. 

Well my life is all about avoiding,  isolation,  trips to the park,  working,  anxiety, depression,  rage,  confusion,  melancholy,  insanity,  manic behavior,  porn,  and irrational mental journeys. 

I often feel waves of engulfed fear in my system.  For some reason fear is my kryptonite.  I feel powerless and I noticed in 2017 something happened to me where I got engrossed into fear.  It was like something catastrophic happened in my brain and fear latched itself on me.  At night my fears run rampant. 

My irrational mind is just naturally irrational.  Most of my thoughts arent of the norm.  I researched hundreds of homicides,  suicides,  murder suicides,  etc.   I developed feelings for the deceased and often think I am one of their friends. I always have this irrational fear that something catastrophic will occur in my life and I will be totally obliterated as a result.  

I experience melancholy and have been for over a decade. Its severe and I usually swim in it.  I live inside my thoughts so melancholy is like my adventure.  Some people go to the gym and do things while I sit and travel inside my mind and thoughts.  

I go through dangerous feelings of rage from a past incident.  Its been two years but still I have a dangerous ideation. 

I can be depressed all day if I really want to.  I think I have a depression that is best described as a long novel. Its full of ma y meanings and doesn't appear to have a cut off limit. 

I feel like I am not cut out for this world.  People need to face their fears,  deal with the blows of life,  manage through adversity,  be mature,  change,  grow,  accept new challenges and difficulty.  I cannot.  I tried with a relationship and failed miserably.  Then I ended it but ran back because of the fear,  then acted a certain way so now I'm hated by my actions. I still dream about her.  People tell me I need to move on which is right but I can't erase her from my memory.  As long as I don't contact the person then I am fine.  After the relationship is when I became suicidal.  I made three attempts and too afraid to try for a fourth time.  My body and heart was strong.  I think my second attempt should had killed me or at least damaged something.  I told God that if I'm still a live then I'll just drift my way to the grave.  I tried holding on various ways by listening to peaceful Indian music,  listening to mystics like sadhguru,  krishnamurti,  osho,  and listening to a few buddhist monk speeches.  I even had some spiritual moments in which I felt at peace but my mind snaps back to the default. 

I don't spend time with friends.  I deserted all them years ago.  I don't spend time with family.  I only talk to my mom and dad.  I sometimes write my brother that is in prison.  I feel like I just can't give myself to them.  If I couldn't give myself to a beautiful Mexican woman then I sure as he can't do with family.  I don't wanna get close to anyone.  

My life feels hopeless because I don't want to complete this 60 to 80 year stretch that we all call life.  I don't wanna be miserable or facing the loop thoughts of what I did in the past.  I don't wanna stress anymore.  I dont want to keep experiencing this rat race.  I don't want to keep experiencing rage and irrational feelings.  I don't wanna manage these issues.  I don't wanna manage my behavior.  I don't wanna manage my feelings.  I don't wanna manage any problems from the past.  I feel like if my memory was knocked out then I'd feel good.  To not remember screwing up things or feeling homicidal would be great.  All my mind will do is harbor in these experiences and replay them in my head everyday.  It is the most consistent thing about me that I do not feel proud of.  I see why Laura Vanessa Nunes took her life.  I'm sorry for the rant but I miss some of the old figments of me.  I miss when I was a kid and lived in fantasy.  I dont like this adult life.  I dont wanna change every fiber in my being.  I dont want to grow up and grow balls.  I rather grow the other thing.  I dont wanna face my fears.  I dont want to put myself out there.  I don't want to get a better job.  I don't want friends.  I don't want a better life.  All I want is peace. ",2.6218104210494246,4.750748546967898,4.091099881093935,84.93545100460382,77.20451843043995,7.071441202475686,25.76421537241989,8.055295364500962,1.6586388792341231,3332,126,655,58,78,1103,342,841,0.17600000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9719,3,2,4,0,0,3,97.0,1,0,5,11,25,61,11,15,33,0,75,17,7,3,9,136,138,50,6,30,21,4,15,7,3,5,8,5,0,4,29,33,0,5,26,7,2,19,32,37,1,4,19,24,123,24,103,106,19,93,1,11,2,2,38,33,1,17,43,453,152,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382053408989353,0.03975104334040716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03731337147085514,0.0,0.0,0.030495107233297437,0.0,0.03430514292826061,0.0,0.04447268685626786,0.031355607050735736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896374317062796,0.0,0.05467234390231571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047060470397717706,0.07932083581049411,0.0,0.049811002079898366,0.0,0.05006015937327743,0.04579021151371308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487692121111632,0.0,0.04701754035332192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02892033771700365,0.046231663486134916,0.11587088256396065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31533737939824114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971801704778593,0.0,0.05001233909777805,0.029618698607255925,0.0,0.03778256980546809,0.0,0.0,0.08773106533310193,0.08454889250582177,0.454152486007441,0.3174389844851043,0.09610858293867024,0.043056777552312034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393789474103483,0.0,0.04685773964730356,0.08603591309962466,0.05097117136098064,0.03761258724434167,0.035865431113958984,0.04944010001268667,0.0,0.0,0.0793098905551498,0.0,0.0,0.04427365700432473,0.0460223524798536,0.0,0.0,0.05313974508848444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680494715285742,0.04450023893910874,0.07971789897904867,0.04961267152443787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585550117740654,0.2533942344590931,0.15335782988780086,0.0,0.11879285524884542,0.07937014534493808,0.03765723289031887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042431989338349664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884770097800671,0.0,0.0,0.04519168511247183,0.0,0.1811165437648247,0.05252014710877741,0.0,0.04766152724909301,0.0,0.06650175114788555,0.0,0.04331011680260511,0.0,0.04208257245637197,0.0,0.0,0.05105460436520056,0.04705569353480974,0.0,0.03038710568030373,0.03410549071466665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842454040783965,0.09326647756860476,0.039155601003272165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290915845637374,0.0,0.045080087812527835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028727884477006083,0.04610657077512712,0.0,0.09629024037279424,0.0507989262647682,0.03829609077337,0.0,0.03566133878894792,0.0,0.0,0.03573445126992218,0.0,0.0,0.050660373335630005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809082100192896,0.044351352851338816,0.0501986095482428,0.0,0.0,0.10743619403215723,0.0,0.05136806002602154,0.0,0.0,0.14715448107198115,0.0,0.04226445347462957,0.0,0.0,0.03604349422928027,0.03919518204132272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916807410823975,0.0862016825709653,0.0,0.1424028706239919,0.0784457893646127,0.0,0.0,0.04284987119975327,0.049822761325617734,0.09133734718955662,0.0,0.04380556837882011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938876277696775,0.0,0.2644984903413563,0.106784012197584,0.0,0.0,0.04031967808413092,0.0,0.04046426983618683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032646590825755134,0.0,0.0,0.03185552479216649,0.0,0.0,0.0866332013699673
suicidewatch,losingyrself,2018/01/11,"My long distance boyfriend is attempting to kill himself right now.  my boyfriend who lives in Wales had a tumultuous argument with me today and threatened to kill himself. He has paranoia, he feels depressed at times. He's tried before to kill himself, cut as a teenager, and nearly hung himselfonce. He hated me at first and took a walk and slept. then went back on his word and said that he loved me and cared for me. Something stacked on top of the argument, so he flipped. He tried slitting his wrist, called me and laughed like it was a joke, then said he was going to stab himself in the heart. 
It's been an hour. I've contacted his friend who could  contact his parents or emergency lines but he's busy (said don't worry) and I have asked his friend for this a few times before (the boy cried wolf) .. No way to call the police because they don't have numbers abroad. I've got his address, several social media accounts, phone number, etc. He's not online .
It's 5:05 am where he lives and his parents will wake up at around 6 or 7. Please is there any assurnace for me? Does this buy him time if he stabbed himself in the heart? I begged him to stop and he truly cares about me but I'm scared and I don't know how this will affect us.",3.0049199922884138,4.8460062955465615,3.2335801041064194,92.82865047233473,75.11336032388664,6.162251783304416,25.527086948139573,6.868970318607317,0.8680277231540391,973,34,205,9,21,298,148,247,0.159,0.732,0.109,-0.9074,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,3,8,15,5,1,11,0,16,6,5,2,0,26,32,21,3,2,6,2,1,1,2,2,0,3,1,1,9,13,0,1,2,1,2,4,5,7,0,1,11,4,28,8,24,18,2,31,0,1,0,1,47,14,0,3,13,117,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714711893171049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099092479687466,0.10605662539552288,0.0,0.0,0.08723291339259677,0.0,0.0691555826487129,0.0,0.19306825223779606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168194599423445,0.0,0.2313313617400781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057733958742267,0.0,0.12461502112603308,0.0,0.0,0.09771080859515252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927729308670616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265221939674458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057361668129441025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649704548235563,0.0,0.0,0.1752960798105312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447393329347824,0.0,0.0907330693582374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200436372707484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688679336641769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172138375668522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765333213621066,0.0,0.06234691327449041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055423948368182215,0.0,0.20034965963574752,0.10039607330626506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238937614584563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519365476220697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452955800220665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688219972175822,0.32373915935408965,0.0,0.11357916129258301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816160366149654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564383351335035,0.0,0.0873362151976717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484587270980087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845369276798894,0.0,0.1075334716052212,0.0,0.12604259641024515,0.15404467198912308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646147902518238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900480944477231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516550863919344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520984319346705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychidelephant,2018/01/11,"Not sure what else to do. My mental health background: I am overall unhappy. I'm in my late 20s. I've been depressed, anxious, and suicidal since I was a child (suicidal thoughts set in before I was ten). I have severe PTSD and panic disorder caused by family abuse. I've been in therapy and taken different medications. I went to college, spent a few years in my career, was miserable, quit, and can't find any job I really do like. It left me with a lot of debt and I also have medical debt from a suicide attempt that didn't work. For now I'm just working what pays my bills. I have chronic pain and major nervous system problems (I don't want to be too specific for my own privacy since it's a more rare disease). I have medical debts from this and I am in constant pain and have to stay home due to my illness frequently. I spend most of my time miserable even though I try my hardest to reflect on positive thoughts just because of all the stuff I have gone through/am going through. I spent a lot of my childhood getting through things by telling myself things could only get better but it looks like they haven't and won't. Nothing really interests me and I don't really have any kind of goals I care about. I've tried doing new things, going new places, building relationships, having a gym membership. I'm just unhappy with the world we live in and the life I have lived/am living. Sometimes I feel like this world must be hell and I am being punished for something. 

I wanted to share some of the reasons I am unhappy and contemplate suicide frequently. I'm hoping someone reads this and has some  advice that might help me. Thank you for reading.",4.13712962962963,5.744141564814818,5.0156345679012375,82.18615555555556,71.62345679012346,8.393876543209876,30.24395061728395,8.954980946260402,2.573362617283951,1313,56,249,26,25,427,178,324,0.18600000000000005,0.7170000000000001,0.097,-0.9726,5,0,1,0,1,2,36.0,1,1,1,6,9,21,2,4,11,0,34,9,0,2,3,43,56,17,4,6,5,0,1,3,0,3,9,0,1,1,14,17,0,0,6,3,8,4,7,10,0,1,13,2,38,11,33,36,10,29,1,3,1,0,8,11,1,7,14,164,52,9,0.0,0.10750722456293473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866608809034614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256148015420258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234070702436147,0.0,0.0,0.10250575941525923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531177290769759,0.0,0.07720958246934677,0.0,0.0,0.08024854513349271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251131475525053,0.0932107812606116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805329190231972,0.0,0.07244524658684476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815071247531698,0.0,0.0,0.09479972125490246,0.10399122203268148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579821579118312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059930217519600024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553774738897317,0.0,0.045878806014822984,0.06482175733410964,0.0,0.0,0.0829309844454546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481154343667693,0.0,0.10313462544043167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644803691615547,0.0,0.0,0.06081837262733286,0.0,0.0910155230450545,0.09012123904406406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004139697892152,0.0,0.0,0.09448749488131646,0.0,0.0,0.10235406671133708,0.0,0.09858483946140817,0.0,0.06408946165525375,0.1329869575979593,0.0,0.1602429543858846,0.0,0.07619531797221428,0.0,0.0,0.1542808640092228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742206718452248,0.09144046316080276,0.09625646920656264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526662836857698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706355965624225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900875370135097,0.1930988263877806,0.1064590486173151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479972125490246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682201854890031,0.10606543153349728,0.0,0.0,0.09650881678230347,0.18152094313392544,0.0,0.1743832558358736,0.09329163486471627,0.0,0.09741641803840828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250575941525923,0.0,0.15011537659321858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688024814283012,0.06985294196955669,0.08974014216202324,0.0,0.0,0.09671241487241564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387091674635872,0.3970014652598424,0.0,0.08551752808818734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930719092706331,0.08353744174680876,0.10376442896221967,0.0,0.18084273462007489,0.0,0.08914757789781072,0.14406836581639332,0.05290884296276109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320746335092472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703678963045356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411310423225593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211365667373234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843095574371991
suicidewatch,tylerl020,2018/01/11,"i've been thinking about maybe killing myself latley I'm 23. a man, have the job i wanted, went to school for years to get it. I'm unhappy with my job, burnt out I guess. My co-workers are starting to notice, my brother ( who also works there ) says they say they notice I'm moving slower, and seem lazy, even the people who I thought were my friends, won't tell me these things but, they go to my brother. They think I'm confrontational, because they do see me fight with my brother sometimes. (were twins, we deal with everyone thinking were exactly the same in every way, we live together currently because my company doesn't pay either of us well. (At least enough to move out without living on our shitty jobs and welfare. But, just like normal brothers we butt heads) My family sees me as confrontational in the same way, and they just, generally don't seem like they like me at all. It might just be in my head but, it feels real. To the point where I say, well I don't like my self either. They try to calm me in the worst ways possible, by just telling me absolutely anything they can think of that might be wrong with me. I don't blame them though, even though I get angry about it because, I think the exact same things. So tell me if I hate my life, and my job and, all I'm good at is making my families life worse than is already is, why shouln't i kill my self? The only reason I haven't tried is because, I'm scared. I've tried a therapist and, I just couldn't believe anything they were saying. It didn't sound genuine, it just sounded like they were trying to say what they thought I wanted to hear.",3.4325386996904017,4.882446656346751,4.098335603715171,88.6914786377709,73.14860681114551,6.901746130030961,25.303900928792572,7.404127859558343,1.0675459814241497,1262,40,263,14,25,401,163,323,0.138,0.75,0.112,-0.9223,6,0,0,0,1,2,47.0,5,0,13,1,18,19,6,1,10,0,26,5,3,2,4,56,55,15,2,5,13,4,1,5,1,3,2,8,0,3,13,15,0,0,11,0,1,4,9,9,2,0,10,11,54,10,32,39,10,22,0,0,2,1,39,12,1,6,8,171,67,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512472814183558,0.06168797496296952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695753450709518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809270456095487,0.0,0.0,0.08690915929636096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952685033036183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970513588665461,0.0,0.10189907234576398,0.0,0.06499287603867078,0.07370955394239813,0.0,0.0,0.14543943723601613,0.0,0.03900376109691884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959734646077317,0.0,0.08060381493449288,0.0,0.04383983194984556,0.06470047518873105,0.0,0.0,0.08497722881947034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615872388447917,0.15833359483654003,0.0,0.08694118111755543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061939437102185,0.0,0.17068559533864314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089710159599193,0.18843092536311926,0.0,0.13623017801100076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149083519555393,0.0,0.07749642400446871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366443048900173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397295092753175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557977388105926,0.0,0.17564636761317565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866763276476675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053478421808341566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292122296027427,0.08696255395885416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780099092899805,0.0,0.07931166816827673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30671986887293445,0.0772295265655045,0.07806871605824553,0.1229394810175062,0.14044877063736275,0.16094545606554286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629237483992518,0.0,0.0545993321386143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022684762450553,0.0,0.0,0.0895642439551489,0.10249535577067932,0.24713756010180005,0.15157721539535093,0.12247938885137084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094890814876144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278863569343483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099707978404066,0.18368787786015184,0.0,0.0,0.1387143253163145,0.07150856152479586,0.06960588670911433,0.0,0.0,0.07435917642742658,0.0,0.11231612045173443,0.0,0.07861116048497754,0.0,0.0843393111822127,0.0,0.049674942232724166
suicidewatch,S_Seaborn,2018/01/11,"I want to kill myself Title.

Sobriety isn't working for me",0.017500000000001847,2.297399083333336,3.4666666666666686,80.89500000000002,99.83333333333334,5.7333333333333325,22.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.7223666666666673,47,2,8,1,2,17,12,12,0.336,0.5710000000000001,0.093,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7631082855500533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068335433127165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021476003731158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yaimai,2018/01/11,I'm worried and don't know what to do I'm really worried that soon I'm just going to hit my breaking point. I'm just really scared. Whenever I talk to people about it everything is fine enough and then a few hours pass and i feel the exact same and nothing has changed for years. I dont want to die I just want to reset I really don't want to die i dont know what to do,-1.2950324675324651,0.6941550595238121,1.7167532467532496,96.3555194805195,93.64285714285714,5.435497835497836,15.96969696969697,6.980632752743323,-0.1295095238095234,291,7,71,5,11,102,46,84,0.142,0.7559999999999999,0.102,-0.0431,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,20,5,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,9,19,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042340522523624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37363743274691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219334327273669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599522029166848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177857194472092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101688437921207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230205507279627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727051181847991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785414134400114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727214509530738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479410184104192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016467982341152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459510395487677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802182838882451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468270723252627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185181552992937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656114377156669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591852545976795
suicidewatch,brokandsad,2018/01/11,"Failed Chemical Engineer....no job..no self worth..nothing..just void...feel like killing myself might help i am 27, broken, 2 yrs since Masters in chemical engg. no job no money, people look at me and make me an ideal model for failure, never got settled. 
ever sine i was a little child i always was kind hearted, helping and fun loving and hard working with open heart and good feelings, but the people have always used my qualities against me. they always chewed me and used me and spit me out. i worked my ass off to get degrees in chemical engineering, but no one looks at that. everyone just knows i am a no good unemployed dipshit.
Mt gf left me , she wanted...ah money money money ...once she saw my degrees were not turning tinto money, she fled, found another big dick guy to sit on.
now my parents are old, my sisters and everyone is dependent on me. everyone one hopes, oneday i am going to walk in witha paycheck....ah my god...i am in tears as i am writing this. i just don't know whether this day is ever gonna come.  
i just can't find a job, i feel i am meant to be unemployed worthless and just beg to make a living
now i just feel, life's really hard ,,,,,it's gruesome...it's un sympathetic. it kills you a slow death ntil you just feel like ur dead but you aren't dead yet.
sometimes i wonder whether god always planned this for me. he planned it well or if it was devil's work!!
anyways where ever i go bad luck , carnage, restlessness follows..
and to all other readers out there, plz read my post at your own risk as i am bad luck...the people who comee in my contact , bad things start to happen...so plz just read my miserable failed story and move on, don't stick around.....h...uu",1.2432312978291409,3.6321007922848665,2.8900491956895213,90.13800367015465,84.10385756676557,5.565172575355303,22.51827268467905,6.950104931194217,0.7926367952522253,1305,46,264,17,38,429,194,337,0.236,0.6509999999999999,0.113,-0.995,8,0,0,0,0,1,84.0,0,4,1,9,17,23,2,3,7,0,21,8,5,5,5,56,50,19,5,3,15,2,6,2,1,2,1,0,0,3,11,16,1,0,10,2,5,8,10,12,1,2,9,9,42,11,27,38,2,40,1,4,3,3,22,19,2,7,13,152,53,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29723821495483305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364488525124348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950106811290912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369975981362536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385802421555056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057594832763956126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234654206729925,0.0,0.25600646747522265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257784000988724,0.1276001180829692,0.0,0.0,0.08162385473008897,0.0,0.0,0.09791916589453677,0.0,0.0,0.04665857821391749,0.0,0.10150905286948313,0.14981088349351482,0.07142598150923922,0.0,0.0,0.08842675169871629,0.07897279637170118,0.0,0.1600008547245723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165553192631376,0.11971954862103225,0.0,0.0,0.08870077900337149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658665861443751,0.0,0.19760720275013016,0.0929982154145924,0.09816022991836773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703097905559913,0.0,0.06307930555579892,0.08726057520846807,0.08950784175805843,0.07885862996668312,0.0,0.14998870704031134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060194302984594,0.0,0.11922458822695693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473930777362644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949178988865092,0.0,0.0,0.06887811438854248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371138145928024,0.0951077290972614,0.12103180031737762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916348757533693,0.0,0.0,0.1857401262257321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553024007105008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865987232525068,0.0,0.0572115622682584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316539367413004,0.0,0.0,0.07387465477306926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088325688839595,0.0,0.06321108277784575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933078450041265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713903160651144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542630210670998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029661130086778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968482966838976,0.19504698983689608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrwwy1255,2018/01/11,"I can't stop thinking about ending it I dont know why I'm posting this, But fuck. It's just so hard to keep breathing.",-0.706666666666667,1.164540555555554,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,87.88888888888891,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.7146444444444446,93,3,23,0,3,31,24,27,0.212,0.713,0.075,-0.539,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,7,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210395984613471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181898317553025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321218410838022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32181840989294497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31931887276134396,0.0,0.0,0.19743500221566976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34406323522220505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003499949735037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019359065919964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241682281314993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayyearofdoge,2018/01/11,a recurring thought. a familiar mindset I don’t think this can be cured. I don’t know anymore. I keep grasping for other topics to think of so I can finally stop thinking of killing myself. It never ends. I just want to give up one day and give in to it. ,-0.5216509433962244,1.6994272830188706,1.9107311320754723,93.16345518867924,96.92452830188678,4.914150943396227,23.60613207547169,6.6274283507984215,0.9391150943396234,198,9,42,3,8,67,39,53,0.165,0.835,0.0,-0.7956,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,14,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,6,0,8,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24943958656920484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220915787898849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227714683344357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755271279473125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825605132209318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356193395471705,0.2782688690171953,0.0,0.13822844401269704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398721022504933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043600496697736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102814191936314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834902854321464,0.0,0.19967825021185046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835261537526867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quitepolarbear,2018/01/11,"i've given up. I have everything in life a 19 year old could want but i've given up. I don't feel happiness anymore, just this emptiness. I don't want to live any longer and haven't for a while. The only reason i haven't is because i had one hope in things getting better and i've lost it. I want to swallow the rest of my meds and just go to sleep but i'm fighting every urge. What do i do...",-0.7590909090909079,1.1492176363636375,1.787454545454544,97.92118181818184,88.54545454545455,4.42909090909091,17.89090909090909,5.6839178017228535,-0.5345490909090911,304,8,74,2,10,104,55,88,0.166,0.701,0.133,-0.7094,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,4,0,10,3,1,1,0,14,21,6,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,1,8,3,9,16,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354681184581007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239257343401252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376411638450003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996953373285346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027713687448355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024012909969001,0.0,0.20292796328685364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114167598030842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796739191801317,0.0,0.1283232224541806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403605795378705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242631464711589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948409585694193,0.0,0.0,0.19937913377357114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464794577107389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25080484241951617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369315072804309,0.0,0.1530030100480426,0.17172555995985886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321525513421997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259558134735186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000666921041425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995352397279002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454031272250552
suicidewatch,kudukud,2018/01/11,"""Other people have it worse"" is the only thing keeping me alive So I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was 9. My family had split up, and my mom was always fanatic around my father. Once, when we were coming to get our stuff from my dad's house, she was yelling at my dad for 30 minutes while me and my siblings stayed upstairs listening. I've been in the middle of arguments, and used to justify conversations. (Was 10 - 11)

I dated someone who was in a verbal abuse family (not towards her). She always told me, whenever I talked about my feelings, ""I have it worse! So shut up about your feelings!"" I am a sensitive person, so I went with it. She has it worse, so I should shut up.

When I was 10, my mother and brother got into an argument and he tried to leave. My mom blocked the door, and he decided to go out the balcony (apartment, ladder type thing to climb down). She stopped him, and my brother accidentally hit my mom in the throat, putting her to the ground. I tried CPR, which I didn't know, and she just pushed me aside. A few months later, me and my brother had a long conversation about the condition in the apartment, and he had said ""A few days later I saw the bruise on her throat wipe off."" Implying it had been makeup.

When I was 12, I was getting bullied. I was in the apartment lobby, waiting for the bus. I jokingly put my hands into the washer there, and said ""I'm going in!"" and the kids who were there, pushed me inside, and said ""Anyone got any quarters??"" I cried for them to open it, and they eventually did. I went out, hidden, and cut myself. The bus was coming around that time, so I left the blade there, and went on the bus. Again, my ""girlfriend"" said ""People have it worse, so don't cry over it!""

I'm blabbering, so I'll just end it here. I'm now 13, and have been told multiple times (by myself) ""People have it worse."" and ""You're too young to process suicide."" If anyone has anything to say, I'd appreciate it. Thanks. ",3.0489665779847037,4.581800822164951,4.162939807116729,87.5089640838045,74.28350515463917,7.171400066511472,24.62953109411373,7.831003766801068,1.1897586298636509,1501,47,314,21,31,489,195,388,0.113,0.856,0.031,-0.985,0,0,0,0,2,2,88.0,2,1,2,1,26,3,1,0,22,0,34,3,3,1,0,44,65,30,2,2,4,10,3,0,1,1,0,7,1,2,19,29,0,4,5,1,0,12,3,1,0,1,35,11,54,2,41,28,2,61,0,0,1,0,43,31,0,1,17,213,73,1,0.0,0.10475879813326476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713880549702466,0.0,0.0,0.060126081816484885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364539534260435,0.0,0.07275904006909206,0.15741841538980536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232554066204734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942421974933169,0.057021166655688175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831055402868622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667019430168614,0.0,0.08941182506462153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238768259496556,0.0,0.10049798467952488,0.0,0.14142910395716118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202048132732157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858842534285257,0.0,0.0,0.04859125862970426,0.0,0.0,0.09362004228639913,0.0960645141582292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824559881503368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106561296457573,0.07057300708545014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416042048988972,0.0,0.06724454219535722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838900849937729,0.07720165899025805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777655036510778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364164028774567,0.07031215064456157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313883553947602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491480157145439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423995817759184,0.0,0.07391994388738428,0.0,0.0,0.10121545266922016,0.19342605358312326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106563247678642,0.0,0.08140180375878182,0.0,0.0,0.1174796553251896,0.0,0.0,0.07019262618538617,0.103112452617653,0.0,0.0,0.16897103144264755,0.0,0.12005765969835208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636325179662548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24588824823035546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505185610141678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Weendel,2018/01/11,"I got fired. Again. Ha, so it happened again and I got fired. I can't hold down a job and if I do I'm never happy. This is great. At least I can enjoy my last few days doing nothing. If I'm lucky, I'll go out doing something reckless and fun",-2.321045454545456,-0.5405404909090912,0.8221590909090928,101.41323863636364,99.36363636363636,2.75,14.147727272727273,3.1291,-1.5171363636363635,183,4,46,0,8,64,40,55,0.237,0.56,0.202,-0.3027,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,9,12,6,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,6,6,3,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207347622515706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807402328717814,0.0,0.5012010864071255,0.3454500764217949,0.0,0.0,0.2770788059313217,0.33354816547900645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310934058352603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554077253721489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416612626929476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30065088777861393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24121858904019064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smelIbeforerain,2018/01/11,"i feel calm i’ve thought of suicide countless times. even acted on it, but in ways i knew wouldn’t kill me. 

tonight, i am tired. i am so incredibly tired of everything. you see, this place was never meant for me. starting at a young age, i’ve been broken over and over again. sexual abuse. again and again. assault. violence. emotional abuse. i’ve grown. 

but the thing is that i seem to destroy anyone i care for. i never liked this place much anyway, i would much prefer whatever comes after this. 

when i think about how i will soon be in no pain, i feel relief. i feel a wave of a calmness i’ve never felt before. i’ve never experienced this. i’ve always been afraid to die, even when i acted on my suicidal thoughts. 

i think i’m ready to go now. i am ready to leave here now. it will be okay. i’ll be at peace, soon enough. 


-m",-0.3259411764705895,1.9494477000000003,1.4996470588235304,96.42241176470593,95.52941176470587,4.602352941176472,16.211764705882352,6.360717304075467,-0.33815764705882323,639,16,142,8,25,208,99,170,0.327,0.54,0.133,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,2,2,31.0,0,1,0,0,16,11,3,1,4,1,14,3,0,1,4,24,31,8,4,3,2,0,4,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,12,0,0,5,6,5,0,0,8,6,19,6,19,16,3,35,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,1,20,91,27,0,0.0,0.3147375274630245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051602505281906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287011378942657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301916304531248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541779441704496,0.0,0.0,0.11441178424091154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784512407696525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494034671537285,0.0,0.13723750337506602,0.0,0.17545135742387394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936912829512923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014717898275953,0.0,0.12752704242718274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548408290445711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694451433890754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063611436588547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488864103377738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952744543159907,0.0,0.4097527185869719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132875120807334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775351144376844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583952497779887,0.12091340426154527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400995237377206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056479711727223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823902360263312,0.17021006920712198,0.0,0.2108868563346919,0.0774478109853936,0.3053117409311458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542551818174672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435078732436736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousPerson001,2018/01/11,"Today I played my favourite game, while watching my favourite show and eating my favourite dinner but I still feel like crap I feel so stupid. All the time. Nobody cares what I think and nobody sees me. Sometimes I actually wonder if I'm invisible. I'm also addicted to cutting so that's great I guess. I have severe trust issues and my therapist has suddenly and out of the blue gone bonkers. Let me give you some context. I live in a medium sized house with two brothers, my parents and my cat. I live in an upper-middle class family. We have money, food, a house, two cars and access to therapy. I spoke to my therapist yesterday. I told her that I always feel lonely and depressed. First she said that all teens think they have depression. She then reminded me that 'Depression doesn't exist.' Which later turned into 'Stop lying for attention!' We also discussed how everyone has trust issues because really, no one is trustworthy. YES, she told me that no one is trustworthy! That is surely going to help me open up about my feelings.She also felt the need to tell me that she does not recommend therapy for 12 year old's because they haven't experienced life yet. I CAN'T EXPERIENCE LIFE YET! I spend all my time curled up in a ball on the ground crying! I cut my wrists in the bathroom every week, it's actually become a kind of bedtime ritual. She says ""you don't need to just hide from the world, go do things that make you HAPPY!"" Seriously? I really don't think she has EVER met someone with depression. She knows nothing about depression whatsoever. See that's the thing about depression, all the things that normally make you happy... THEY DO NOTHING. I am sitting, playing Minecraft and watching New Girl with MY CAT, MY BELOVED CAT! And yet I still feel like crap.. I'm on new anti-depressants, THEY'RE DOING NOTHING! I am so sick of nothing working! We then discussed how I just need to think happy thoughts and I will then be happy forever. And finally, the cherry on top, she tells me that I am UNGRATEFUL and IMPOLITE. Sometimes I am selfish, sometimes I am mean, and yet the only two insults in the world that do not apply to me are being impolite and being ungrateful. I am thankful for everything I have ever received in my entire life. Whether it's the phone I got for Christmas or the barbie set my aunt gave me three years after I outgrew barbie. And Impolite? I am by a long shot the most polite kid in my school filled with 700 kids. All my friends parents think that I'm a good influence. I say please and thank you, I offer to help with anything they need. I have gone to my friends house, helped make dinner, set the table and cleaned up her dishes. You might actually think that she was my guest at my house. I am just so sick of trying. All my therapists suck, all my friends suck, all my meds suck, all my teachers suck. All I want to do is sit back, cut and cry. But I can't because I have to keep on living even though I don't want to keep going. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I just don't get the point? I'm so tired of letting my walls down just to get hurt. I don't tell my friends anything real, because I don't trust them. And while my therapist sounds a little nuts, the funny thing is that I really thought things were working for awhile. A few sessions ago we really connected and I actually told her real things, not just what I thought she wanted to hear. I can't keep putting myself through this. I feel like I'm living a lie and I just don't want to do this anymore. Living is overrated. What's the point of living if you aren't enjoying it anyway? I feel so empty and drained. I just need to sleep so that I have enough energy to live in this hell-hole again tomorrow. I just think that.. I've done my time here you know, God had a really fun 12 years messing with me and wripping out my soul. It's a little ironic actually because everyday here, well everyday here, my will to live dies a little inside. I'm just feel ready to die. 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suicidewatch,843221116,2018/01/11,"Thinking about ending it. Don't see many other ways I'll turn out happy in this life I recently had a mental break down and a panic attack and now I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I told my school counselor that I was depressed and instead of helping me all he did was tell my dad about how I'm doing bad in my classes. My dad gave his long winded speech about how I need a positive attitude and saying how the world doesn't give a shit about me. He's fucking delusional. Every single year of my life I've had to deal with his bullshit. His undermining and verbal abuse, neglect and alcoholism all that shit makes me want to just fucking end it. I'd rather die than have to spend another 5 years with him. School fucking sucks I'm doing awful in all my classes and my teachers hate me. I don't disrespect them. I'm not mean to them. Why do they hate me so much? My dad took my money away from Christmas and ever since my mental breakdown I can't control my emotions. Even when I wasn't depressed I can't do good in school. I never did homework. I'm sick of this life. Even if I'm not depressed anymore I still have to live with my dad and still go to school just to be at some fucking college that I don't want to be at to get a stupid fucking degree I don't want and get a job where I'll probably miserable. My mom is bipolar and in poverty,  can't turn to her, my grandparents died when I was 8 and 10 and I'm fucking suicidal. What else should I do? What can I do? I'm sick of this life and want to die already. ",2.7712878787878767,3.889002015673981,4.168044670846399,88.85367620167195,74.29780564263322,6.821368861024031,26.457810867293624,7.1686216300943375,1.1484638453500522,1189,42,257,12,24,394,156,319,0.243,0.6779999999999999,0.079,-0.9962,2,0,1,0,1,2,24.0,0,0,3,1,21,23,13,2,7,1,29,16,2,5,5,45,65,21,4,8,6,5,1,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,11,18,1,2,3,0,2,2,12,21,0,0,11,4,42,2,34,51,6,29,0,6,1,6,22,12,9,2,13,164,53,9,0.0,0.09900688680320427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930198721070012,0.0,0.0,0.09221235462054972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762167205442364,0.0,0.0,0.08287069947826177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506343605485053,0.0785089174111443,0.0,0.06977048431584447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372149175358672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614838818985476,0.2159145706278734,0.0,0.2601713886336305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980503311504761,0.09399560503463136,0.14802163248095526,0.0,0.0,0.11038335862872127,0.0755862931028313,0.07040429101989616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042251279132563525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635083732431581,0.0873150226585657,0.08015994538243171,0.04749000928999962,0.07008754438875198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895292634409126,0.0,0.16499965186573548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056009610133172884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292204021205836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23608824806617426,0.0,0.0,0.07378646463246216,0.07394942747313807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557780477941661,0.08471839386276442,0.0,0.09102312979279477,0.0,0.0,0.1684209711896042,0.0,0.0,0.09786639025593703,0.0,0.0,0.0614274247810887,0.06195990195022207,0.06444789306418429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804158760940866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501223527489547,0.09009358789402733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250704480181499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645157508298541,0.0,0.33827538892995085,0.06658781336466403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154965829561866,0.06912305734897235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346487740519494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140287848440777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303656202378593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354292889885801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984673402696624,0.09284006370778834,0.0,0.18178215175926052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971472960594755,0.06632734538473868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540138863297229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762192112465777
suicidewatch,Pantomchap,2018/01/11,I got sent to a psych ward on Saturday. I was sent because of suicidal ideation. I stayed for 5 days. They were some of the most monotone days of my life. I came in hopeless and thinking that all they could do is give me medication. I came out with a sense of hope but still with my depression around. I just needed to tell someone. I will provide any details if anyone asks.,1.1370666666666691,3.619340306666668,2.2920000000000016,93.47266666666668,85.93333333333334,5.466666666666668,24.333333333333336,6.937597516519254,0.922333333333333,293,12,62,4,9,93,58,75,0.135,0.838,0.027000000000000003,-0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,17,16,3,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,7,0,12,1,13,7,3,13,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,4,4,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493315316875539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354531440265826,0.0,0.0,0.19548532330558524,0.20529085901374705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386253724936806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023143450887371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532803614800707,0.0,0.0,0.28324008144400986,0.0,0.18913609363506556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065468937383688,0.0,0.0,0.17562947793257586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181065094157619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551058210055026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121797325550085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628262573868719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860613851220096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340581138113075,0.17536814775743598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402003255260125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193493973394807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070704516505758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Paladin-Dedo,2018/01/11,"One of the worst thing You know what's one of the worst thing I've come to realize? That I'm so pathetic I can't even get better in the smallest thing. Not only I'm a fckn ugly and boring guy, not only I can't achieve anything important: I can't achieve even something stupid, like getting better at a game or being a little more methodical. I can't even cut myself properly! I try using kitchen knife that are half blunt and I have to cut hard like a fckn woodman and all I get are stupid little cuts that barely spills blood. I suck at everything, even my depression is poorly made. I wish my parents were dead so I could suicide without having a guilt trip.",4.432653399668325,5.20484080597015,5.274875621890551,83.76307628524049,70.04477611940298,8.045107794361526,28.321724709784412,8.167268648758528,1.8051684908789385,524,18,105,7,9,171,82,134,0.331,0.573,0.096,-0.9899,1,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,4,6,15,6,1,8,0,12,2,1,2,1,15,23,6,2,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,4,1,0,2,1,1,2,7,11,0,3,2,1,14,4,8,19,4,7,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,68,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223358308346736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842332138732935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841958344792302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829731201337433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384014385332212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42453500696829605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441716056417495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25186054456001644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910764743269232,0.0,0.0,0.14394602930334846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831062406870248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700932770149945,0.3221057396165581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520480788867436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777442508182615,0.2444228716831794,0.0,0.0,0.17842642544520745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370645574623156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757679877490329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202644457989429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090974709359356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878394205563935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478473790974634,0.15489872849704406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arch_Stant0n,2018/01/11,"I have no one left to turn to My friend, well, “friend” I tried to talk to about how shit I feel told me to stop wallowing and just get out there. And when I tried to explain to her what depression feels like she asked what I wanted her to do about it, “invite you out?” And I said yeah but “I assume you need some space” cuz she was really mad at me for how I was feeling for some reason, cuz I said she didn’t understand how bad I was feeling. And she didn’t reply. And here I am, my last friend ignoring me and everyone else posting fun shit to their social media while I stare at my ceiling, intense angry, sad feelings radiating from my chest. This is the first night I don’t black out drink. I’ve now been forward with everyone about how I’m feeling. Everyone says they care, but won’t take me out of this hellhole. Every night the same. I’ll have a breakdown, contact someone, they’ll say they care. But here I am again. Alone. People only really care when you’re dead. It’s taking every ounce of will in my body to not get drunk and slice my arms open. 

I’m so alone 

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suicidewatch,KyriErviN,2018/01/11,"I think she cheated before we are over Back story:
Me and my ex have been together since Senior High but break up in college due to personal issues, when we have broken up he dated a guy. They almost got together but we were able to fix things. and we eventually we did until last december when I don't have decent time to be with her (she works 8am to 10pm / I work 6am to 3pm) until we decided to Broke up. I was still talking to her on january first about fixing us but failed and then she's been dating him on the january 5th. I always think that it has was my fault because I didn't give her enough time and attention and everyday after I have known about them is hurting me.

TLDR: Broke up with my longterm GF (6 years) and after 2 weeks of breaking up dated a college fling",3.6343669827105423,4.242931466257674,5.246759620747351,83.83871723368658,71.76073619631902,8.381260457334077,25.86112660345789,8.575989854853784,1.634072392638037,611,18,129,10,11,208,104,163,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,7,0,2,4,6,6,1,0,3,0,16,0,0,0,0,23,20,14,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,14,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,8,0,28,0,25,11,1,33,0,4,0,0,23,10,0,1,21,91,31,6,0.20615754610412984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643700302744988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153959329532345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852242760819518,0.0,0.1256717266199151,0.0,0.17542488751386934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130158545113535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753575034005416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977651035022268,0.0,0.0,0.1648830224697185,0.0,0.0,0.2041283826863152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178167662937196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069591695625693,0.0,0.0,0.2151749167207126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804591555600834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000881739088082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705356525106352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646376826233167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570162644944655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696191311927786,0.26419486253332075,0.0,0.0,0.24042424601677476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798214445412056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653671482532483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30017029777666066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275870055040678
suicidewatch,SwaggonDragons,2018/01/11,"I did this all for what? To feel like my life is not worth living? Fuck everything. Got rejected by another medical school. What did I spend all those years studying and getting a good GPA for? Spending thousands of dollars on applications? Countless hours dedicated to extra curriculars? It has all amounted to failure. What's the fucking point. Turn me into top soil so I can be of some use to this world. 


I have an unemployable skill set. Me and my mom are doing horribly financially and were forced to move into social housing. I can't handle all of this change and failure. I am letting those around me down too. What is the point. WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT? ",2.196574952561672,5.0848239516129095,3.3369639468690693,84.1298576850095,87.70967741935482,6.143453510436434,25.84250474383301,7.5105763829236425,1.8319151802656548,526,23,94,10,17,169,86,124,0.139,0.765,0.096,-0.7829999999999999,2,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,3,0,5,0,15,5,0,1,4,15,23,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,4,0,1,4,1,11,2,16,17,7,14,0,1,0,3,2,10,3,1,3,72,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794860434455825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107182924767354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952348623034867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251829573434486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580703811201074,0.12123600165746205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706636279972271,0.0886629189794194,0.0,0.0,0.14233899460591298,0.135727153591024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712347019448304,0.19581471070816944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353302213274932,0.1198663905301684,0.08290841262173505,0.0,0.14985103676987935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709581226715888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987543395367636,0.0,0.1803676472970842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812731373914334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717487007860584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299104355380565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458835264076648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656907970582986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092832983666289
suicidewatch,idlewave,2018/01/11,"I've got about a week left im gonna preface this by saying km happy with my life, however i've decided to end it soon. I'm just tired of living if that makes any sense, and don't really have anyone to live for.",0.760625000000001,1.9455771458333369,3.59416666666667,90.6675,79.625,7.3000000000000025,18.25,8.07648339933343,0.4264000000000001,165,3,40,3,4,59,43,48,0.064,0.855,0.081,0.2023,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,7,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914261149001985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944797687399295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463467142499714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245146577817404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29608187344651804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004355515739149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30219652654009754,0.0,0.19645629901972972,0.0,0.0,0.4911999094637054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856585226235576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818160306816502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118560515855595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31967742014673123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310462271667564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue_hal0,2018/01/11,"Just need to vent about life I have so, so many problems. The one that is currently most visceral is the fact that I'm not ok being alone. I'm talking to women who may at some point be fuck-buddies, but I can never be romantic partners with them. That's fine, but I need more. I'm talking to them because I have a hole in my life, but even if I met the greatest girl in the world who instantly fell in love with me, it wouldn't change the fact that I'm miserable; I would only be lifted out of my despair by her. I've seen all the stuff about how happiness needs to come from within, and I believe it. My problem is that I don't see that happening any time in the near future. I got a girl's number a couple of weeks ago, we texted, and then she disappeared. All I can think is that I'm so broken that I'll never be in a healthy relationship.

I think about killing myself on an hourly basis. I can't even do that because of the sadness I'd leave in my wake. I'm a prisoner and I'm fearful that I always will be. I just want this to change. I've always obeyed the rules of life and done everything right, and this is where I find myself. I'm so tired of it.",2.917625797306876,3.4316543935742985,4.386609969288919,89.70076541459959,73.33734939759036,7.6258918025041345,25.0888258918025,7.724431198458867,1.0384059059768491,900,26,209,11,17,301,131,249,0.201,0.7120000000000001,0.087,-0.9854,1,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,2,0,13,11,1,2,15,1,23,6,1,2,6,39,44,15,1,9,7,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,18,10,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,4,2,27,4,28,30,6,27,0,3,2,1,16,15,0,4,9,141,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722737172236485,0.0,0.0,0.13696612210012668,0.0,0.0,0.2200771652794468,0.0,0.0,0.08993125641352083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123086699097655,0.0,0.0,0.14899503024869504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797957280125853,0.11391751168334853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632677491589344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353327323812002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469338662797054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885343941982708,0.0,0.0,0.14881259241401412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208696975313824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225853676099352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057685502535007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694397480025225,0.14077745184204254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023486228162964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630969650607648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002854957354738,0.0,0.0,0.2802260420644589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935643699595926,0.0,0.0,0.1340758545257543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941743730564004,0.20399126897902173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961275563629681,0.10057841761647053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250144393146009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530815518769555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198183057428393,0.0,0.11293666005590908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538228560294673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138909025850714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125873306018977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947474140161514,0.0,0.0,0.07711322720219864,0.15199637889289405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800163276653486,0.0,0.10607910546711398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939431806668162,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WalkingMentalBreak,2018/01/11,"I don't know what I feel First of all bear in mind this is a rambling speech/explanation at 3 AM.

I find it too hard to understand what I'm feeling at any one time. What I do know if that it's rarely very positive. I feel like if the opportunity presented itself to easily die I wouldn't hesitate for very long.

I'm not very practised in understanding my own emotions. When I went to therapy for it I was given the traumatic childhood explanation which definitely fits. The point is that its more difficult than it should be.

I don't trust any of my friends completely. There's only one I trust at all. I don't believe anyone who says that they care for me or would miss me. I'm no ones favourite. This might be why I have a huge urge to lie about anything to do with me or for anything serious although I've managed to cut down on the actual lies. It's probably because it buys me sympathetic attention or just attention in general.

I have been treated like I am not worthy of attention by someone I used to have great respect for and would have done anything if i knew it would lead to them spending time with me. I don't know   in what way to interact or generally view them anymore.

I am not good enough at what I am learning to hold a candle to everyone I know. I'm essentially waste of any resource I use up to exist and work.

I don't know if I'm going to try to commit suicide but I don't see many reasons not to at least try at this point. If I survived people might lie to me a little more convincingly about how important i am in this world.

Thanks for reading all this for anyone who did of course.",3.628454545454545,4.747182224242422,5.184015151515151,82.38602272727273,72.2121212121212,8.893939393939394,29.20454545454545,9.2995712137729,2.424545454545455,1274,51,267,28,24,431,166,330,0.092,0.7829999999999999,0.126,0.9139,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,3,5,7,17,1,0,8,0,32,0,0,5,4,55,57,15,2,10,15,0,4,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,25,4,0,1,17,1,2,3,12,4,0,4,7,7,36,13,48,41,8,31,0,1,2,0,8,20,0,11,9,184,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.10315073745744507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156446958023095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482882773360287,0.1478197861364818,0.0,0.2609533265522986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644354785584582,0.0,0.0,0.11909091920275942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777110414222768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108274310946305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970287388262938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817071865146546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189014832736612,0.0,0.10921930409606434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010036065714552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033961664123655,0.07551413985217469,0.0,0.0,0.09661049337515004,0.08991079341659795,0.0,0.0,0.08166576261376843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007336771948521,0.0886585387025363,0.0,0.1165377694428999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946889948196017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290457620311818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328215018717846,0.1059420286114372,0.0,0.0935436993097135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716610300166288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242680475284204,0.10672974980908133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148809679733392,0.08039178344345746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328104957212453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998467259846582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139655543479829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573145846125473,0.0,0.0,0.1086801384587758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405915191808115,0.0,0.0,0.0842314890583578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956168497876638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562176575462395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731698612314488,0.12088042537857754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327236814372206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435305983816276,0.0,0.0,0.2200807971673572,0.0,0.18258665465035712,0.0,0.26164777337055484,0.0,0.08390200525805665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798760443436476,0.09538038449830744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695293645790087,0.0,0.0,0.2252648236609226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgogDown,2018/01/11,"Maybe I'm just broken I'm not really a person who has the resources to solve whatever problems there are in my life.  I cannot focus.  I can't seem to do anything right at work. I don't know how to make decisions for myself.  I don't even know how to really communicate that I need help.   I don't know what help would look like.

Maybe I'm going to be fired and disgraced before my peers and loved ones.  Anyone who had high hopes about what I'm capable of is going to be disappointed.  That might be fine in itself.  Maybe I'm just mediocre.  Shame, but people who are mediocre don't deserve to die.  But it's not really about what I deserve or don't deserve.  My mind just causes me suffering.  I am my mind.  I cannot escape from my mind.  I just feel this overwhelming urge to disconnect from my mind and bash it into oblivion.  I can't do the former, but I can do the latter.

Part of me also just wants to die so everyone can make up whatever stories they want about me, then they can be accountable for whatever or whoever I am.  They can make me a craven and incompetent villain and displace all of the blame for what's wrong with their organization(s) on me.  There was a movie called the bad sleep well where the executives of this of this Japanese company involved in a kickback scheme keep inciting its lesser functionaries to kill themselves so they can be blamed for wrong-doing and save the honor of the organization.  Also so they wouldn't talk. It'll be like that.  Not that the people around me are bad or anything, though probably everyone needs a little help saving face. Anyone inclined to think well of me can remember me however they want.  That's their business, and I don't want any part in it anymore.  There are a lot of biological, psychological and sociological things going on here, and I'm just this vermin who can't make sense of any of it.

My girlfriend will be very sad, and I love her, so I hesitate.  She's a kind and virtuous person.  She really gets upset when she thinks that she's done somebody harm, regardless of whether or not she has any reason to think that. Sometimes her anxieties are very trivial.  Maybe mine are too.  But I don't really know and maybe some of that is because I'm too ashamed to talk about my thoughts.  I feel a lot of shame.  Shame is a very powerful thing. 
I'm anxious she'll have to go home though.  We're going to go to her home in March, and I'd like to see her home, so maybe I can holdout until then. 

I've seen some therapists before.  I have a psychiatrist.  I probably haven't been entirely honest with them about how I feel, though I think they can probably sense some kind of hidden desperation. I stopped seeing my therapist since I convinced her that everything is fine now and really maybe I don't have anything I'd like to say to you at the moment.  I guess I wouldn't be here if that were true, but you get face to face and then you spend session after session deflecting what the real issues are and trying to talk about the weather.  And what are the real issues?  I wish somebody put some kind of glove on my brain that lights up and spits out a diagnosis and a fourteen point plan for harmony among the nations and shows me the music of the spheres or whatever.  Though maybe I wouldn't even trust such a device.  It sure sounds phony.",4.197657605921389,5.525722294027567,5.129713820826955,82.51559166028588,71.08269525267994,8.565709545686575,26.621011995916284,9.017664075816787,1.9851603113833591,2610,85,522,51,48,853,264,653,0.14400000000000002,0.711,0.145,-0.5243,2,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,3,10,6,42,38,2,6,29,0,65,9,6,9,3,106,114,51,3,15,22,0,4,4,1,8,1,2,3,2,35,25,0,2,16,1,2,7,21,16,2,1,7,11,75,22,70,91,9,40,0,4,4,2,42,22,0,16,15,356,110,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111470451197233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622074187337188,0.0,0.04358042456552021,0.06435771403813992,0.056497026665029385,0.07966681092909636,0.0,0.1406396252567025,0.050713668312791296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513193294231287,0.034727212246829384,0.0,0.0969512787947152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359521672500587,0.05817077815083657,0.0,0.0,0.05852190979182244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824774396462195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829812379050625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525375790339804,0.0,0.0,0.10887088174319924,0.05119923615158641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641431744196411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952694009409973,0.0,0.1942576330166059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275676174149115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455350770950705,0.060189903309574994,0.17143088462286102,0.05658215659536225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891974756985435,0.0,0.05063584620888128,0.06302673897573309,0.1779704636239223,0.12523266566727073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023823899843378,0.11132690347306322,0.05709698128665661,0.0,0.0,0.047838838647449936,0.0,0.0,0.0968644472671907,0.10283183109884213,0.0,0.15210654059349007,0.0,0.4578567397059378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043412930995565,0.2300860803762549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448221759157587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860304472814256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338175628351915,0.0,0.07898898616397539,0.09948465857782282,0.0,0.0,0.05385324843833394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842636735170391,0.054510757969687455,0.0,0.05726865416154407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296842917790103,0.21897126124708816,0.0585726733114686,0.0,0.0,0.06453372833107747,0.04865042826357896,0.0,0.04530330301340635,0.0,0.0,0.09079236668483184,0.05186159962040787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047124583704493184,0.0,0.057009220742540966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563428868772984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047627864970208884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053691740340678515,0.0,0.0,0.13736635214916065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228866124573402,0.07569412077881389,0.1460113792096595,0.22388339380220365,0.045226291391063725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03867758621045364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101389425557154,0.13440499612691642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244228936320712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551047947827485,0.0,0.0,0.04147344005470272,0.0,0.0,0.04046848888235957,0.12457130294394538,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aennt7,2018/01/11,"My job is highly confrontational and it makes me sad/want to die My job involves auditing the processes of very high level people and then having to deliver challenging news to them.  Sometimes the higher-ups in my department will let mid-level people like me ""take the heat"" on these things (i.e., if a VP is upset about something in a meeting, my leadership will ""abandon ship"" and considerably soften the message to gain more approval from the VP, leaving me as the ""bad guy"" who delivered more critical information, if that makes sense).  

Anyway, I don't want to get into details because it's too specific and technical, but in a meeting today, I felt humiliated and started crying (in a covert way, but since there were only 4 people there, it may have been noticed).  It was traumatic for me because the VP attacked my points and basically mocked my word choice, how I spoke, etc.  I feel very sad.  I must stay at this job at least 2 more months, so unfortunately quitting is not currently an option.  It may seem illogical, but killing myself seems like it would bring more relief than quitting anyway.  I just wish somehow the VP who attacked me would have tried to listen to me and not jumped to conclusions or tried to undermine me.  It just makes me so sad when people feel the need to do that.  ",8.702455048409405,7.806828647302903,8.49810165975104,69.90601832641774,61.28215767634855,11.51881051175657,37.095781466113415,10.686352973137794,3.9332237897648685,1028,41,180,21,12,332,146,241,0.214,0.718,0.068,-0.9915,4,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,1,6,13,14,5,1,14,0,19,0,0,4,1,43,36,19,2,8,10,0,3,2,0,7,0,2,0,1,14,8,0,1,8,0,1,3,3,10,0,0,5,5,22,4,24,23,6,23,0,3,0,0,11,12,0,9,8,127,36,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700615128895696,0.0,0.0,0.09910394222707848,0.14470866005862526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303790094714873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318489936978833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237439737663262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002979102791858,0.0,0.1139641753272894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201234695417927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175250214704614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25081196253471344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35335433728647936,0.0,0.13131654335247964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256790598283819,0.0,0.12137193429195835,0.0,0.11597509552133532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376860851835991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473985444941048,0.0,0.0,0.08800957315235074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513310131191364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027159821022883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291479392568222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220352739409807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524898557078603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161078331374361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818431890282732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137589614453226,0.11739070222362802,0.0,0.08401172403062818,0.12651125819611422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924258512843869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885455010298137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250736376908686,0.0,0.0,0.16116991007038625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586879536364651,0.1400167594541551,0.09421321164015288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364914298003397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686326204113403,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonewild_safari,2018/01/11,I was here. I'll end it peacefully. No sweat. I'm sorry. ,-4.5880769230769225,-5.9081407692307675,0.20057692307692496,99.41317307692309,149.0,4.3769230769230765,10.942307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.6123692307692306,42,1,11,1,4,16,11,13,0.252,0.504,0.245,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6204863738385472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7842172274827242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheTroakster,2018/01/11,"My bestfriend WARNING: This is me looking for advice, i haven't read the rules of this subreddit and i don't know if this is allowed. If i break any rules i'm sorry.

Only a few hours ago my best friend of 4 years told me he tried to kill himself a few days ago, i had noticed he was different over the past months but i didn't think anything about it because he's always been the loudest at the party kinda guy. I had a chat with him where i made him understand how much i care about him but i fear it's not enough, How do i keep him going? Any tips would help 

Thanks",1.256766020864383,2.9302924262295136,2.6633233979135618,95.72198956780926,79.65573770491805,5.419970193740686,20.926974664679587,6.11248444174946,-0.02978032786885265,444,12,103,3,11,144,82,122,0.085,0.752,0.163,0.8906,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,7,0,11,0,0,4,0,17,22,7,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,7,1,19,4,9,14,5,12,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,3,7,65,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339690519170886,0.3145880367057314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764820351213126,0.0,0.0,0.2413369589195675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602186716387133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816864090235663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862172630550452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091669565292412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443715055914935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853919422032841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334780696405145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967461778247625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709333348353406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084591107287186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569814880919934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893744067777208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474728399119602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577210006500164,0.19631626768817528,0.0,0.09751896542634712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900885570837152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167902463655602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163466500108746,0.0,0.1304422700589715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020219647380933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495468877298955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693910425015624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749271702858527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986348117696668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336723744674178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369939755839073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955601313892169,0.0,0.12047330214795672,0.0,0.0,0.1847261885135432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605162230310107,0.0,0.0,0.11426856774182947
suicidewatch,princessguava,2018/01/11,"Alone I have no one in my life and the only person who's there is my boyfriend and I keep pushing him away because part of me just believes he's going to leave me anyways and I know he has feelings for someone else.
I have no relationship with my mom or dad and all the friends I make are temporary because I can't connect to people from social awkwardness.
I'm so tired of trying ",3.277890295358649,4.578322886075952,4.481708860759493,86.38222573839663,73.30379746835443,6.785654008438819,29.62236286919831,7.1686216300943375,1.629251476793248,304,13,62,3,6,100,59,79,0.161,0.799,0.04,-0.7501,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,12,12,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,12,1,9,12,2,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,0,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23600267514358275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408962170084825,0.0,0.0,0.27781261046270395,0.0,0.0,0.25672936623032666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035459442336364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152169799832631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605036235259214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950271712729755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253967577777096,0.0,0.0,0.12523037235519813,0.0,0.0,0.2412794623160497,0.0,0.0,0.16095000855701694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210375515596858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26687641554648395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544093512532517,0.17330399120041626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675899373212065,0.0,0.15797507937035687,0.19896567354768854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446451087577586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322828761016601,0.19307193845713547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619009100997787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470751172235894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shabelles,2018/01/11,"Freaking out over possible overdose In a fit of anger I sliced up my wrists and took 7 tylneol, and I took 2 last night. They were extra strength and I took probably 4500 mg. I regret it but I don't want to go to the hospital for nothing. I'm just trying to calm down but I'm freaking out it's been a hour and I feel very ill but it's probably me being a hypochondriac. Am I ok. I'm at 19 year old girl so idk if that matters ",-1.3655222672064795,0.6370490631578996,1.668421052631583,96.11663967611338,95.21052631578951,5.449392712550608,19.939271255060728,7.010146845296331,0.4535829959514164,331,12,80,6,13,116,67,95,0.189,0.696,0.115,-0.7828,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,7,1,0,4,1,5,2,1,0,0,15,14,9,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,5,1,10,3,12,8,1,17,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,5,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031038648729544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158876985780475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008119155160456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662152230070017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913572845981797,0.0,0.1956587424540944,0.0,0.2139709911755144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987976441812946,0.0,0.0,0.4397025274904069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6796600893401291,0.1384426356754899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682484792904831,0.1202723834064856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131242699410348
suicidewatch,Thaway727,2018/01/11,"My fucking retainer I lost my retainer again. Im slammed with school already and dont have the time and money to deal with this.

I know its a tiny problem compared to most, but it has set me off and makes me want to curl up and die. I was supposed to cook dinner and do homework and now Im obsessing over my teeth moving and how I just want tk give up",1.9460964912280687,3.139134750000004,3.4789473684210535,92.68096491228071,76.5,6.64561403508772,25.824561403508767,7.1686216300943375,0.9595771929824559,275,10,64,3,6,91,53,76,0.157,0.805,0.038,-0.8804,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,2,0,5,4,1,2,0,20,12,9,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,9,2,2,1,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,9,0,10,10,1,9,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,1,3,42,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26072973849036857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435839190587376,0.0,0.0,0.24521088090729465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27690659354625924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842773932169854,0.0,0.2266516421033459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104241282598221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984777230011127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25791653436690465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771201022596235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25111753980344337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260784101668866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23911777889298844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777089384363314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787162477153318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UltiBG,2018/01/11,"This is probably minor compared to everything else here. But I just had to get this off of my chest. I don't understand why I do somethings. In the past 4 hours I simply cut off ties  with most friends and online buddies I had. I feel lonely all the time and those people actually help yet I just cut them off.

I've always had this anger issue, I simply would get mad and take it out on everyone but it has happened so many times that I just believe my friends don't deserve the shit I throw at them.

I haven't had the greatest start to a year, with poor grades and family drama increasing, this happening just makes me so fucking depressed despite the fact I'm just a kid that feeds off attention and I wish I could go under everybodys radar and simply not cause an embarassment.

Sorry for making you read this. I just feel sad and feel as if I should lock myself in. Probably doesn't compare to the shit that others have to go through.",3.962635599694423,5.346294251336901,4.637467532467537,85.60477272727273,71.72727272727272,7.909702062643241,26.72612681436211,8.418075326091056,1.7284747135217726,743,25,149,12,14,238,115,187,0.147,0.737,0.116,-0.4697,0,2,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,0,10,12,7,0,9,0,15,5,3,3,2,35,32,13,0,5,10,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,12,10,1,0,5,2,1,4,5,10,0,0,4,3,22,2,21,25,4,21,0,3,0,1,7,10,3,2,7,103,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.14596203930347526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445703137118926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851797532258492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365305960980272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942217028663787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882733005900396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494936327929808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292377112919435,0.13442690630501872,0.0,0.14100446773103145,0.0,0.22688638009735465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311200393947119,0.13827817643632373,0.15629183167815802,0.0,0.1700119936375839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645344858364697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025588143662184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729964664917491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611574474528525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996827806200392,0.15164392736195598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278471250673394,0.10369534626215447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225307958626133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961385323980084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070698432230676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514889276981002,0.0,0.1674351493060767,0.10586880577902312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124605645366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443487741858835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571115998726864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496670769480468,0.0,0.17200200137263255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625263523831073,0.0,0.0,0.0963203505487776
suicidewatch,shesnothing,2018/01/11,"I can't living on my own and I suck at my job. Everyday I'm encountering problems and life is too hard. I'm tired of everything, I tried to better my life by moving out and I'm now I'm being overcharged my electricity company. I can't do anything and I'm weak. ",-0.33646616541353325,1.815658210526319,3.31904761904762,85.77000000000002,89.70175438596495,6.76591478696742,22.177944862155385,7.957251820313856,1.4226260651629077,206,8,45,5,7,76,36,57,0.23,0.718,0.052000000000000005,-0.836,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208132105061365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27092166138466955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753072840385534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744091506911237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039826432036434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43273615490491096,0.0,0.0,0.2704926759431842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255775109910441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931139184007648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35207824410436783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797617334056773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,basicallyaperson,2018/01/12,I made it to 15 :) Before on this subreddit I posted about how I was going to end it all in my birthday before I turned 15. Here I am though. Although my family situation hasn’t gotten a lot better there’s still proof that it’s going to get better over a course of a year or so. Anyways don’t mind this I just feel proud.,1.3852173913043475,2.9301970144927587,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,78.85507246376811,6.339130434782609,18.746376811594203,7.1686216300943375,0.22243768115941973,250,5,55,3,6,87,50,69,0.0,0.8170000000000001,0.183,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,9,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,2,9,11,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,8,3,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063787803581641,0.0,0.0,0.42237381493175374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114936159028513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251062908695052,0.0,0.1207374307456885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475588571201167,0.0,0.2714152956067223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030074096488058,0.0,0.2259451886614028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110589845512626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869108454835085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26840558974007783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069489401886694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460613837912944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25973071596216435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377042441410613
suicidewatch,Hiro2468,2018/01/12,"Suicide seems so tempting? Why do I feel like such please? First off I’m not depressed(well I don’t think I am?). Whenever life feels so tiring and painful I always imagine different ways of how I kill myself(most of the time). At school when I see different methods I could kill myself with different equipment I don’t go through with it because I simply just don’t want to die yet. 

There are times where I almost go through with it but luckily back off because:
-I simply don’t want to die yet
-I’m curious to see how my life would be like in the future 
-It would hurt a lot 
-If I fail then I’ll be feeling shame and judged 

I’m sorry if I sound extremely insensitive or ignorant to anyone! It’s not and wasn’t my intention so I’m really sorry if I offended anyone or wasted anyone’s time. 

I would just like to know why I find suicide tempting please.",1.4909302325581422,4.0047371627907005,3.0628372093023266,88.42111627906976,84.34883720930233,6.463255813953488,23.71627906976744,7.7348632917899725,1.4194316279069763,680,26,135,13,20,223,97,172,0.276,0.6,0.124,-0.9875,3,0,1,0,0,6,18.0,0,0,0,2,14,11,3,1,3,0,14,4,0,3,0,36,30,16,6,9,10,0,3,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,1,6,19,3,16,23,1,18,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,8,13,84,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564080208097555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609215337561272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422478336693457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880026549308857,0.0,0.1407962628027074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220478246348916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397088530564417,0.3619694081141393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517693130674775,0.08250197653379228,0.0,0.0,0.10555051905454743,0.09823085031640187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126472958841798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362828600754462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555324407082274,0.0,0.0634671276715513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631398924991132,0.1692593244347896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818058585249344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288339207802138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25353407062227984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398217240909337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687623385993255,0.18405200263957952,0.10513253061639592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585503425612425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25264206739974954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399764906721651,0.0,0.0,0.20201939750159534,0.13273216541632507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623121417131565,0.09166602814372073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841315968288368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24611010907286496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trisonreddit,2018/01/12,"I feel like I am living my life for my family and my few friends more so than for myself I just don’t think there’s much that makes me happy and taking my life would be selfish. It works, staying alive for others, but my mental state isn’t healing under it.",5.276111111111111,4.659342537037041,5.852222222222222,85.165,68.07407407407408,7.940740740740741,25.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,0.8497851851851852,203,4,43,1,3,66,42,54,0.039,0.8109999999999999,0.15,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,8,9,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,3,5,7,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,33,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774241030226341,0.0,0.14879847780574673,0.21023604705171905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227362546206481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31327004313500906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41572199305319374,0.14377195468862278,0.0,0.2598575438516383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643638671169705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965683484392311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633208486482167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136668402678969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126441625600687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885648548630818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424174600414636,0.0,0.0,0.2090504116579303,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ConcreteAngel15,2018/01/12,Can't cope I have no idea how to word any of this there's so much I feel like saying but then i remember there's no point. talking only goes so far. William mummy loves you so much and im so proud of you. I wish i was strong enough for you. I can't do this for much more I know me taking myself away from you like how I am is incredibly selfish but William you deserve so much better. I love you so much .,-0.9064242424242436,1.0971197111111124,1.236464646464647,100.77045454545456,90.77777777777777,4.161616161616162,15.959595959595955,5.565023196281405,-0.9385555555555554,314,7,79,2,11,104,55,90,0.043,0.602,0.355,0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,6,0,3,10,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,11,13,12,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,17,7,7,12,7,4,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,3,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344169834474347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054660405127098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054212585094074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875615304075305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178335927299616,0.12967989271955588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049170958079704,0.19607572528087205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976015913138768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736569842863206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276627477194558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6672005574326304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380562352016396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159767718190208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562989610888907,0.0,0.0,0.1443541808749039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364825212665618,0.14590111482156667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874221027570766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadanddeader,2018/01/12,"Travelling doesn't make life any better. It just brings the problems to the surface. Good bit of text here. Mostly ranting towards the middle and end. So, look. Any problems you had prior to leaving will still be there when you arrive in the new location. The people who bring problems into your life will still be able to create problems if you leave. 

Case in point, I've struggled for months with the desire to end my life. I am thirty-one with no skills and I've been unemployed for more than six years. I have no willpower or courage. I am not competitive at all. Though I am a college student I am uneducated and slow. There are many more reasons why I want to find within myself the courage to hang myself or jump from a building. But just yesterday my father decided to help. He brought me back to my hometown and checked me into a hotel. I now have a chance to be free and enjoy myself.

After walking downtown I quickly realized that there is nothing in this world for me. And anything that is, some cop or  mental health worker is going to remind me that I don't belong. Simply by tracking my movements and saying bad things to people about me before I get to my destination. Conveniently denying me the opportunity to tell my side of the story or speak my mind now when it really matters. In a library. At a gas station. Even at a hotel. I know the leaking shower faucet is a deliberate attempt to remind me that I'm unwanted here or anywhere else. I can feel the stigma, spot the illegal surveillance, and notice when someone's perception of me has been influenced by someone in a position of power whose only goal is to make me feel like shit. It has absolutely nothing to do with safety. I can see everyday that the police and mental health system do not put this much effort in labeling and stigmatizing people who are actually violent and dangerous. Just me. Because it's funny seeing a slow-witted black man seething mad at what appears to everyone else to be nothing. That's what they do. They fuck with me and remain hidden so I look crazy when I voice my complaints. 

All I want is to be treated like a human being. 

But fuck it cause I want out of this life anyway. I sure as hell don't want to go back to the city where I was robbed in my own home by one of my roommates who was supposed to be my best friend. 

I lay here thinking just how much I wished I'd brought my rope. ",3.9557345807345774,5.655837952991455,5.076306306306306,81.19662162162166,72.24786324786325,7.367151767151767,28.033264033264032,8.00916892397051,1.8990848232848232,1894,72,351,27,37,624,244,468,0.125,0.757,0.118,-0.7542,5,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,0,4,2,9,29,26,7,1,25,0,38,9,1,6,3,66,64,29,0,12,14,1,2,2,1,2,6,3,2,2,21,19,0,0,9,3,2,13,7,13,0,2,7,10,53,14,59,48,11,57,1,0,5,2,19,22,4,9,23,260,74,5,0.09200386451776406,0.0,0.08978250005232606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513156563805233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571134126081609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414905855090529,0.07681938386834472,0.056084701861032336,0.0,0.07828851229980137,0.0,0.09655237962402932,0.08136994155121692,0.10044439126140343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451331249061766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371484625310508,0.0,0.1629762315379438,0.0,0.0,0.06076768480487125,0.0,0.0,0.08791363528571917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303983661400204,0.06572757919473203,0.0,0.0,0.08408986537869488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108195750097084,0.1701121804323023,0.04806822189106077,0.0,0.1045758328706703,0.07716847646371422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559161137543754,0.0,0.0,0.061668251028027275,0.0,0.09228737764790414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056291783004034,0.0,0.0,0.1948376164299785,0.0,0.0,0.2599402015456816,0.08989688181735253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452014885906792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282658797464767,0.09327747804346813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854365117880583,0.0,0.09289767580936438,0.0,0.07343660689001147,0.0,0.13526685304177274,0.0,0.0,0.08885790566362421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648405680882273,0.10474700955098257,0.0,0.0,0.06234419967596566,0.0699730848186762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135168586918044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697339024637153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521410918007609,0.0,0.09248929547824604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894003150367295,0.0945952959462586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316516582925199,0.0,0.0,0.1466303364803268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444064479642557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559091516841526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694881010024627,0.0,0.0,0.0961824153746085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867125534869805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041543282300594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112327943773181,0.058952361429757086,0.09039332975956844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706505212204424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301917744158681,0.0,0.10579990366626024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059247472284252964
suicidewatch,official_peura,2018/01/12,"If anyone cares to read my story I don't know what to do. I dropped out of school even though I had top grades (I was careful not to burn myself out). I'm completely lost with my life. I basically have one friend but I can't see her too often. I cut all ties from my previous school (not one I dropped out from) and my old football (soccer) team because the relationships were quite toxic and I didn't want that in my life. I just had my 17th birthday and the only one to congratulate me on the right day was my grandmother.

 I've been depressed ever since 3rd grade when I was bullied by my peers. I've had suicidal thoughts ever since. It's ironic how I'm this young and inexperienced in life and I already want to quit. 

 Im not sure what will fix or make things better but Im really lonely, I dont have any proper hobbies and I am really bad at the art of sleeping. I see a psychiatrist once in awhile but I don't really like it. I've also got some wierd issue with medication and its really hard for me to take my pills. I've read this sub for a while and  you guys have helped me a lot even though I've never posted here.

 I've tried to kill myself but something inside me stops me. I've got no problem coming up with ways and making a plan that sounds good enough but I just can't do it. I've long ago decided not to touch drugs or alcohol due to my childhood experinces with alcoholism.

Sorry for the long story. I thank you for reading it all. All the best for you!",2.155576923076925,3.751009717532469,3.8566233766233786,88.51180319680321,76.82467532467533,7.0761238761238765,21.586413586413585,7.882392219407189,0.8031444555444559,1155,30,254,18,26,387,166,308,0.17800000000000002,0.737,0.085,-0.9838,0,2,4,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,0,8,14,16,2,0,10,0,21,9,1,3,7,51,39,23,2,4,14,0,2,1,1,1,8,1,0,1,12,17,2,1,3,6,0,1,12,7,0,3,13,5,39,9,32,25,7,30,0,3,2,0,9,11,0,6,15,162,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852153671900314,0.20547210517051506,0.0,0.0,0.1060842385394543,0.07687686050619355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537317116764277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721784747669003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026634534637347,0.058601277718410026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088478007319747,0.08502109103813793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602630554310851,0.0,0.0,0.08280935113398279,0.10079274979702728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619972959378665,0.0,0.08279849596034759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266618565643298,0.0,0.1114827956445379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933022792308864,0.0,0.12698878144627504,0.1739141003573706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427147500229107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063110207061137,0.15377135415703966,0.0,0.0,0.0951859608023799,0.0,0.0,0.08611554079273903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443536624044974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767847692451935,0.10033700810782056,0.0,0.0,0.10635600140175047,0.0,0.052831725794910016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370298096665648,0.046965321759675945,0.0,0.0,0.17014788823466848,0.0,0.0,0.10493961798707052,0.0817281320337365,0.0,0.0,0.1283379380520177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968430462579672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414305479260097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087453978533302,0.10237762215556667,0.19542493611159,0.07311284610968292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206804414301813,0.0,0.0,0.09198550242725972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044967889195195,0.2884745500216602,0.0,0.24633891526690185,0.0,0.0,0.10320997262785304,0.0,0.08209634673609227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945817737706612,0.1532097842174279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904304655399434,0.0,0.0962015941129511,0.0,0.0,0.07400723998916141,0.0,0.107612092302851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037079747191536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051529895775138,0.0,0.09060343123787973,0.0,0.07227942699907226,0.0,0.0,0.08850558509233683,0.0,0.0,0.06386594123769801,0.0,0.18889873514020614,0.0763182038092746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526743220522914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134024874901147,0.07630524085885712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pokemaster784584,2018/01/12,"Everything I've ever done has been a mistake I just feel like there's no point. Everything I've ever done has only caused me more misery. I try to make progress, I try to get somewhere and I know I should be proud of how far I've come but it just feels like soon I'll be back where I started or even further back. I try to pick myself up every day tell myself that there's a reason I'm here but even if don't believe it. I try to lean on my family and friends but it's hard for me to be emotionally close to anyone after all the times I've been lied to and betrayed. I just wish this all could be over like I could just open up my eyes one day and suddenly have a great wonderful life, but I know that's too much to ask. Thanks for taking the time to read, I hope you're doing better than I am. ",2.0414549450549444,2.899954182857144,3.617714285714289,93.1018241758242,75.74285714285712,6.756043956043958,20.89010989010989,7.010146845296331,0.19982637362637368,622,13,150,6,13,207,103,175,0.087,0.688,0.225,0.9815,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,17,10,0,0,5,0,17,2,1,5,4,37,32,11,0,7,10,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,19,9,18,21,4,23,0,0,1,0,3,10,0,4,15,98,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928000579591398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407414507614248,0.0,0.0,0.20410510161573606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952861850604146,0.0,0.11737897704660365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633874777274896,0.0,0.11432547862317795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193029536192126,0.0,0.0,0.1711852691605192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27163478510432965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492907658388264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531900709051332,0.2401034724992117,0.11182129761096153,0.0,0.23855816628882334,0.0,0.1251154556221108,0.0,0.1342132074589326,0.1896286481850592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253820143993124,0.0,0.06934008561958332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463229252509508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888995968697408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181969631434073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587754294123248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374320040378524,0.19451907841346705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859081729531608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975635752937265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899336812002983,0.10093861394310673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546214711200646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275469718579513,0.0,0.0,0.1364570117652556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939390367153322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978800670600732,0.0,0.11600206493429815,0.12218962276536265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477877769266402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604293632633739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262004896683018,0.0,0.14392785723953228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElectricPoem,2018/01/12,"""When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great."" right? Hey

Lately I have suicidal thoughts. I always had it but this time I'ts like pretty serious.

You know that saying ""When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great.""?

WHEN?

I have literally no friends, all are gone, for almost 2 years. They all left because I finally stood up for myself once and couldn't take the manipulation. My mom kicked me out, so now I live with my father who I can't even have a normal conversation with (Always had serious problems with them for my whole life). Even at work I feel very alone. I'm very positive there and like to make people laugh but it's just not enough to make friends or to make them sit next to me in breaks. Mostly I get quiet in conversations because I'm getting nervous and think they'll hate me or think I'm a weirdo. I don't know what to say anymore. I'm getting blank. They all say they love me but I just don't feel it. They know and can see that I'm an emotional boy behind the mask so I think that's why they fake it. You know... you have to be 'good' with your colleagues at work. Social Anxiety, I know. Being gay makes it all worse.

I'm just that energetic character who is positive with a big smile. The one who gives but never receives.
This might be weirdly put together but I'm just really tired thinking about everything. I don't see the point in anything anymore.",2.4657117893755824,4.7602531317567625,3.4994734389561977,88.15270270270273,78.49324324324324,6.650326188257224,23.044734389561977,7.753152298057669,1.0873701304753038,1181,38,240,19,29,379,151,296,0.14400000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.157,0.8799,0,1,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,8,8,2,16,16,1,1,8,0,21,6,0,7,5,58,59,16,1,3,12,2,2,2,2,2,4,4,0,1,19,14,0,0,14,0,0,5,8,7,0,1,5,8,37,9,29,48,7,32,0,0,2,2,34,13,0,5,14,150,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708251979364332,0.10041209830025488,0.0,0.0,0.16134215976069322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416732437683941,0.0,0.19229887477082508,0.0,0.0,0.07978249264161325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909881940073144,0.0,0.11820097858577162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905693565615382,0.0,0.1001764005903946,0.0,0.12807057133200375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871333951736086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804277610751053,0.0,0.0,0.10620518860266297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498083551772371,0.0,0.15195884112425975,0.09300432719755136,0.11019908612836662,0.08131798094055352,0.0,0.2137778549725014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957191371350795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664089390397233,0.0,0.10936506110283893,0.0,0.1053376513306261,0.0,0.20543828247906407,0.09473081829827293,0.0,0.08560959549920147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750215090155751,0.0,0.25886244222048704,0.0,0.0,0.2112163351760373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284979360916044,0.0,0.1135479538762418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477466339501597,0.0,0.10310859229457056,0.0,0.09499149108292446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032497549133702,0.06569657291845186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721368386640582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916501246945747,0.0,0.0,0.0986341209138901,0.0,0.09276910697111136,0.0,0.09746263126552383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062109355764007924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279570770753332,0.0,0.2312982126793638,0.0,0.0,0.15451494513852246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882943476973564,0.0,0.1492753832294473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604876508841764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728951597605284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848939478025156,0.0,0.07696834203438062,0.05653296473135596,0.11143102472828167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998961829250466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748328589938904,0.10824243826336348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116310762122214,0.0,0.09880145132451183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243332825486447
suicidewatch,Nicbouchard153,2018/01/12,"My lies and problems have grew too much for me to handle I can't take it anymore, suicide is the only thing that's left.

I truly wish for everyone on this subreddit to live a happy life. 

Have a good day",0.28604651162790873,2.5005892325581414,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,86.90697674418604,5.300465116279072,20.227906976744187,6.742157984588678,0.3854781395348836,159,5,34,2,5,54,38,43,0.192,0.575,0.234,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843015059304092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487966763810107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739272972282084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404467989547195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051675812531993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31146987147127003,0.0,0.20248484953144386,0.0,0.0,0.2531365506066786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073684041090412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802690721189816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743063041542832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135725432884495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554160126682334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045208038191785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32965855141939826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,broken-heartx,2018/01/12,"How do you tell your partner that you’re having suicidal thoughts? I really hope I’m in the right place to post this. So I’m 18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He knows everything about my past (sexual abuse, abusive ex, death of my mum etc.) and also that I’ve attempted suicide in the past. Weirdly, 3 years ago today.  He’s super supportive with everything..The thing is, I know already that he worries about me, and I don’t want to make him worry more but I’m having a bit of a shit time finding life really difficult. Suicide has been on my mind a lot, and I’m not sure how to tell him. If anyone has any advice, I’d be really grateful. Thank you in advance 

EDIT: one thing I forgot to mention, my boyfriend is long distance (250 ish miles) so we see each other about once every 6 weeks. This obviously makes it easier to hide how I’m feeling ",2.0897245762711885,3.981019706214688,3.9243750000000013,86.63029131355933,77.92655367231637,7.136864406779663,24.056850282485875,8.07648339933343,1.4039155367231635,676,23,139,12,16,228,115,177,0.198,0.6940000000000001,0.108,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,1,3,0,3,9,8,1,0,6,0,11,2,1,5,2,29,28,12,4,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,2,16,5,17,23,5,18,0,0,1,0,15,7,1,4,9,77,25,1,0.0,0.2966048229136539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231173050648445,0.11095298132216984,0.0,0.12533665657115073,0.0,0.13812488199454234,0.10009599382267953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511784292801809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751966718592159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664993121109975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959427626276122,0.0,0.0,0.10545858447112501,0.0,0.11249201658513217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328818918374364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440035800151988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243190597473555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757700467965306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840914413970356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076884421097838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641249584494873,0.0,0.0,0.16709987075285482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638297519254948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329875553436038,0.08481638934881369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389721029652405,0.0,0.0,0.1307728603793217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198753736446258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405555297636165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689192250636208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974188275655592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848211286758449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41073710317576495,0.1420380128994684,0.11796840341535192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880292618781774,0.11523694438538445,0.0,0.0,0.16631076809108786,0.0,0.0,0.0993686059335852,0.07298587635079996,0.0,0.11864366773955395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738267315584025,0.0,0.10040140655409507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542263009298797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120687099401476
suicidewatch,TheKingSlayer1660,2018/01/12,"I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to continue living. I'm a 17-year-old Egyptian male.
I've zero experience in anything.
I'm socially awkward.
Education in Egypt is the worst thing ever, I always have suicidal thoughts when I think about it, and if I fail at school, like I most certainly SHOULD, I'll end up being nothing and I won't have enough money to live for two days.
My father doesn't give a damn about me, my mother is dead and my two sisters don't help, in fact, they always make it worse.
I've some friends who love me, and their lives will be ruined if I commit suicide.
Plus, life has so many enjoyable things to do, and I haven't experienced all of them yet.
I feel so threatened by the world, and I always feel that I'm alone, even that little luxury of having someone to ask for advice.. I don't have it. 
I don't want to die.. but I don't want to live.
Please, tell me what to do. Talk me out of committing suicide.",1.865234398327857,3.493953218274111,3.6045386682591847,89.85974320692745,77.73096446700508,6.665750970438937,22.24813377127501,7.5105763829236425,0.7383397432069283,732,21,162,10,17,245,116,197,0.262,0.595,0.14300000000000002,-0.9843,1,1,0,0,0,5,32.0,0,0,3,1,8,11,2,1,4,0,22,2,0,1,6,30,37,14,6,7,4,3,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,9,6,0,3,1,3,25,5,23,31,5,14,0,2,0,1,16,8,1,4,7,107,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185762093462841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256760608771507,0.0,0.0,0.3029044423238248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985598918743803,0.0,0.11344050556507393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782570110273385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125936187129532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074750000676906,0.12538106096942614,0.0,0.08014674123810996,0.10976283290739246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186979732808603,0.0,0.0,0.12271061064581967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093750276529738,0.0,0.0,0.11640447400836995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813345016125069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424944828016055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570904148134444,0.05928267753053136,0.1216188297342754,0.4285968291770507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095179348877112,0.0,0.0809982377572406,0.12302403687253925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643309295107275,0.0,0.12733039163949966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319956169529296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228068723428725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236951948104461,0.10281460020080724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981927860130615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753192210152507,0.10606023426285653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123147282806732,0.07775250401686397,0.0,0.09633379047813027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370714257368175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28628796078253343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366017065274967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814172689688295
suicidewatch,Poys01,2018/01/12,"Going for my very first time into a mental hospital, Listening to Outlast OST Yes, I'm going into my first mental hospital, and I'm right now listening to the Oultast soundtrack. Pretty genuine feeling. Also, I'm scared as fuck.",3.2921428571428564,6.296251547619049,5.386000000000003,71.40900000000002,81.14285714285714,7.1695238095238105,29.82857142857143,8.238735603445708,3.2051942857142866,183,9,25,4,5,63,30,42,0.13699999999999998,0.705,0.158,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,6,9,0,9,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538318766713194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361813935553001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581840994617679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489913421506933,0.0,0.0,0.306133010779402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428427974588933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740055427118115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000643808056054,0.0,0.0,0.26964642012786033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704855012441718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222554316048976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mewwe,2018/01/12,"Update ""my suicidal gf"" An update to my previous post called ""my suicidal gf"". Idont know how to announce updates properly sorry.

4 months together now. She turns 18 next month and is applying for euthanesia. I dno how to feel or what to do. She told me i kept her alive up til now. But she is all out now she says. Done. Broken. Exhausted. I cant stop crying😭😭😭",-0.30839066339066434,1.9697142297297319,2.501203931203932,89.11222358722358,95.8918918918919,7.015233415233415,20.24078624078624,8.00094639256281,1.487232432432433,279,10,59,8,11,97,55,74,0.2,0.743,0.057,-0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,1,11,10,6,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,12,0,8,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,11,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24978900574148494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503358359839156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368951743941818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443924955873005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39051394753832896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601609732223029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23428268860601714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453525251426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738371445370029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451706878751946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351590846203207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337492308794345,0.0,0.0,0.2660812535362146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bananakinbitch,2018/01/12,"Worried I'm a fucking idiot. I'm not pregnant, but I might be. I'm still a teenager. No, I didn't have unprotected sex. I'm not THAT stupid. But condoms aren't 100% safe, even if they are close. I live with a mother who fucking hates me and a father who cares only for my grades. I asked my mother ""haha, here's a funny joke. What if I was pregnant?"" She replied dead seriously, ""if you're pregnant i'll either kick you out with the child or kick you out and take your child."" The last thing I could possibly want in this lifetime is for a child that I might have to be raised by my mother. I asked counselors at school what I should do if I was pregnant but we all know by know that guidance counselors/student assistance counselors are worth nothing. If I am pregnant, I WILL have to kill myself. There's no other option. ",1.5884712927087037,3.7912952934131785,2.796865093342728,92.50723141951393,81.09580838323353,4.887495597041212,22.997182106375483,5.900188976854957,0.3157575907009513,642,22,134,4,17,206,97,167,0.18,0.7,0.119,-0.913,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,3,1,0,4,11,6,0,8,1,19,4,0,0,1,30,33,11,2,8,12,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,10,8,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,23,4,12,23,2,7,0,0,0,4,17,5,2,9,2,93,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724711411290158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310908433329572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590539247818737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157711179983364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368335069126416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966798067224475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039766548892847,0.0,0.2189625197541082,0.1623837077324175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759071299672124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226631817615891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114850899438765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150908634630364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458068402855055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161235906073988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909031319441255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978202229790452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234706238974922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749992089796325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023086327871091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,triscuits36,2018/01/12,"Should have kept my mouth shut A few months ago I posted on here about how everything seemed to be getting worse at once, and how I had already started writing my note, etc. Well, a few days after that post I made the mistake of telling my therapist, who sent me to inpatient. It wasn’t a bad stay, and I was fine for a little bit afterward, but for some reason today I suddenly had the urge again. I don’t understand why I’m here. I have a family who’s supportive, and a boyfriend who supports me too. But that’s just it: I don’t deserve that support. I just fuck up over and over and over. Always too dumb, ugly, fat, incompetent. A waste of space. I’m the only one home right now, if I really wanted to I could finish my note and go off myself, no one would notice until tonight. I just don’t want to waste space anymore, I’m such a disappointment to everyone around me. I’m sick of it, I’d be doing them all a favor.",2.145765706806284,3.700856387434556,3.954630235602096,87.97184064136127,76.74869109947645,7.288089005235602,23.455824607329845,8.07648339933343,1.176918586387434,714,22,155,12,16,241,116,191,0.214,0.698,0.08800000000000001,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,0,15,11,2,0,12,0,15,4,2,4,1,29,33,12,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,7,1,1,3,0,0,2,5,5,1,2,7,0,21,6,21,21,6,31,0,1,0,1,7,13,2,3,13,108,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576473599896326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656397071919484,0.0,0.11805240612372005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070311749421874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629994271175154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184607432316405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489212023189242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327664167729633,0.0,0.0,0.09149844462780757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822952291994502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355688375995051,0.12750922597330225,0.0,0.1337483025783957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311623076885248,0.07412448530955873,0.0,0.0806315428613601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231344742111088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421972755163482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424673891826727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324426979927067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152705186970814,0.0,0.1510935767475358,0.19227803863810994,0.10790328191172477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717564600705513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908895592027592,0.1458724152645595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116154297287125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915881021655856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042074053962756,0.15122120610240286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48299846424810705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400609663614848,0.0,0.0,0.16472926227401613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344820965908761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769818060330084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673645772013806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275637881096675,0.0,0.1280212488955195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445840203784826,0.10078481793012004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drstephenstrsange,2018/01/12,"Suicide poem A rusty knife or an old cable,

a life wasted; extremely unstable. 

I let down my parents,

my late grandparents. 

I let down my friends,

even my therapist. 

All I look forward to is the end,

but Im a coward and Im scared. 

I dont want to mess up suicide too.

Im sorry Uncle Rob,

I should have had cancer not you. ",-0.6823692810457516,1.467989750000001,2.453725490196081,90.92787581699348,92.67647058823529,5.375163398692812,20.79084967320261,6.937597516519254,0.6944653594771242,245,9,53,4,9,87,50,68,0.415,0.528,0.057,-0.9847,2,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,7,2,0,0,1,7,9,3,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,1,5,5,1,7,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907555474872813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800346531004886,0.0,0.0,0.1178270559753746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378261787033674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5780859516905854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123535082714694,0.0,0.0,0.3648383594197157,0.12600442478646967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980539646527008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719370184373446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980845873564295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860275937955894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996966327101824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902665116656612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071283073134696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522095801744072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irrelevancyyy,2018/01/12,"i feel dead. i was supposed to kill myself on april 1st, 2017, and ever since that day passed i feel dead. i wish i could've done it, but my parents found out about it, and supervised me the whole day. i can't kill myself on april 1st of this year either--it's easter, i can't ruin easter for everyone. i just wish i were actually dead, because feeling like your dead isn't exactly fucking fun.",2.207195767195768,3.9276317654321034,3.782116402116405,88.55666666666669,77.0246913580247,6.603880070546737,22.682539682539684,7.447530270364453,0.8323354497354498,307,9,65,4,7,102,55,81,0.308,0.546,0.147,-0.9637,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,13,13,3,6,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,3,14,2,7,9,1,10,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,7,38,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.194108581122956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125438581688228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881436118309564,0.0,0.0,0.25656246191000137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035551585382384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992651563895584,0.0,0.1900681201428616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017263497206608,0.14210215944867327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809580013051294,0.0,0.1838901453858045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401314145359431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717793649527738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208672834260932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454135199079434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220771862970995,0.457475993019447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809225376343314
suicidewatch,addictionaccount890,2018/01/12,"Regret, missed opportunities and being a disappointment So I guess life hasn't gone that great. It could have been so much worse and in many respects I'm incredibly lucky; I have a loving family, a girlfriend, reasonable financial security (at least as financially secure as a 21 year old can be), and I have half decent job prospects with my education. But on the other hand I really can't take any more of this. The defining feature of the past 7 years has been mental illness, be it depression, paranoia/psychosis, anxiety or social withdrawal. I have no close friends really, I mean I have my girlfriend but she has so so so many more friends and problems to deal with. In the end I think people will probably feel a hint of relief when I die, because they will no longer have the burden of having to help me day after day. I just feel like every step of my life I've missed out on opportunities, everything from being a 9 year old too scared to go round to my friend's house (he had an older brother with loads of creepy toys - yeah it's pathetic I know), to being 15 and feeling too depressed to go on holiday with my family, to now being about to graduate from uni having made no friends and barely scraping through. I just know if I carry on I'm going to look back on a life spent dreaming away and disappointing the (very few) people who ever got close to me. 

I'm not going to do anything right now, but I can't really envisage a realistic way out of this, and can't stop thinking about just ending it all and not existing anymore. Anyone please please help me  ",5.791496117342536,6.318856567213117,6.64888697152718,75.98485763589305,66.93442622950819,9.830888697152721,30.47886108714409,9.811843763644266,2.820803278688525,1243,44,234,26,19,413,172,305,0.163,0.6609999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.1226,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,2,17,24,0,1,15,1,28,7,1,2,2,45,53,22,1,4,10,1,5,1,6,2,5,0,0,0,9,17,0,3,9,3,1,6,9,10,0,1,7,6,24,14,41,37,6,39,0,7,2,1,16,14,0,4,19,158,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088177615217595,0.0,0.07973769179779469,0.0,0.10337078045063616,0.07288189226824755,0.0,0.08577458958602219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793000561378573,0.080148473796792,0.0,0.06353925586409047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322128937541348,0.0,0.0,0.13444287233485652,0.10745928510094968,0.17955085707401286,0.0,0.1081770342767083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463837966213006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428439917367636,0.08782050297173423,0.0,0.09367758467795397,0.0,0.1965225315216583,0.0,0.15810947873499404,0.07446382584201679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221195466931885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23695126768915215,0.0,0.08336437187684674,0.11491686437534512,0.11482401504481354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397298960586348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027048332289307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343482156233033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145670768188614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086780923297436,0.050922807696561455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752917416625583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407403595661223,0.09862745347845096,0.0,0.21135109386679046,0.0,0.1135399124778584,0.0,0.0,0.1050419952150298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662299076357541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187492642870842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950185840189577,0.14452359051009522,0.0,0.0,0.2288322980007911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238042580594534,0.09973656892939073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003223134694842,0.1071685239151604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901411340955973,0.0,0.0,0.10435506598009332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625206014146432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714316245983007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836998073441508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335761465206343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600285220912124,0.0,0.08273502577877782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062219749880704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136722720382474
suicidewatch,InternationalistEar,2018/01/12,"Emotional wreck with No One to listen I’ve been battling with depression and self harm for almost a year. I’ve isolated myself from family and friends and made a move to another state to be with someone that I thought cared about me. Now I have no job, no money, no friends and no relationship. I’ve done things for this person that I never thought I would do. I’ve sacrificed so much and now I’m sitting her with nothing. I just need a listening ear and a little comfort if that’s okay to ask.",2.6358555555555583,4.644155230000006,3.9653333333333336,86.42322222222224,76.7,7.644444444444447,27.11111111111111,8.515128840125781,1.9899777777777767,393,16,80,8,9,129,64,100,0.232,0.633,0.135,-0.8601,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,4,1,6,1,1,1,1,19,15,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,5,10,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,3,0,1,5,3,8,5,12,8,1,8,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,2,4,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015644308218716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095973627656152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868659489551024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037965769390802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216107813359052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045522532377138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484427042867056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884342489680496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088620647672153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835550425009574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033777102718955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913648200990094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244664065196747,0.14693883298189564,0.14821255679663792,0.15416401108692884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917955169161245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544757991446227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453229839612988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460220932345248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085241576486281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693623255402563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279503657607827,0.0,0.0,0.3173735004876447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199291585709772,0.0,0.0,0.12871970092904944
suicidewatch,PM_ME_SELF-HARM,2018/01/12,"I wish I didn’t exist I wish I just die right here and now.

I wish I wasn’t a girl. 

I wish people treated me fairly. 

I wish I wasn’t such a damn attention seeking brat. 

I wish I was older, so people wouldn’t shit on me for my age. 

I wish I was older, so people would actually listen. 

I wish people weren’t such fucking assholes. 

I wish that someone would just end my existence.

I wish I wasn’t such a disappointment. 

I wish I didn’t have such a temper.

I wish I wasn’t so rude. 

I wish I wasn’t such a liar. 

I wish people liked me.

I wish my mother would give a damn and get us to an actual house. 

I wish my step father died in his sleep.

I wish I wasn’t such an edgy little child. 

I wish I had a purpose. 

I wish the world wasn’t so cruel.

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive. 

I wish people would just leave me alone. 

I wish I was dead",-0.9975576036866372,0.8375452043010759,1.9481566820276512,96.87080645161294,88.89247311827957,4.833179723502305,14.771121351766515,6.18269132825596,-0.7805910906298004,632,11,158,6,21,222,72,186,0.227,0.465,0.308,0.8829,1,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,0,16,11,8,0,10,0,21,3,2,0,0,33,47,7,3,27,3,2,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,9,0,0,15,1,46,2,4,27,0,11,0,1,0,1,8,5,4,0,6,100,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.07451237685447397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954085980499058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924540417496861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033814346825939874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352949151797973,0.019946411952127426,0.036623784635785424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405224789608411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042495445213959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018651826169110833,0.038264352515557855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588067710401644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03260377510615415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03918913435997856,0.0,0.0,0.0382055385411353,0.0,0.032348067436806544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592339341559155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9658611107296184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848212914040137,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gothrenapp,2018/01/12,"I probably don't belong here I know people will probably think that I don't belong here and they'll say what I'm going through is temporarily and many have it far worse than me, but here goes, my first post on here. I've had a break up over a month ago. I don't want to seem offensive to those you actually have dealt with depression most of their lives, me being perhaps a drama queen, but this girl was the kindest ever. I truly feel as if I've fucked up on my life and that I'll never find another like her. She's changed now, become selfish. My biggest fear now is that I'll never be loved again. I occasionally vent to my online friends, but they usually just say ""oh"", makes it feel forced. It makes it feel as if no one loves me right now. I always think about ending myself, to me it'd be the same as a peaceful sleep, but forever and without dreams. I don't know why I don't just end myself, I feel I'd be happier. ",4.182302405498284,4.251799412371138,5.43458762886598,84.89387457044677,70.34020618556701,8.73470790378007,26.47594501718213,8.59863814320734,1.5485821305841931,722,20,161,11,12,242,115,194,0.203,0.695,0.102,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,3,2,12,9,2,1,6,0,18,5,1,2,3,32,35,13,0,3,9,0,4,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,11,5,0,0,10,2,0,1,9,5,0,2,2,6,26,4,18,26,2,24,0,1,0,3,12,8,1,4,14,105,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.1399106519495189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709086506686176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929721235698185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033832394209967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834340590931234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166884914620898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348632441340487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539705487534896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968842469723504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133366145520406,0.28997330638721713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310396556191205,0.121952377988615,0.0,0.0,0.11076905866970416,0.1325453515716674,0.0,0.0,0.08148176396609677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758729805803884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126807296786627,0.07004444817177258,0.0,0.12660033941793905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587981391417795,0.0,0.1914042044970063,0.14535697666764238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443837653166185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115506352928546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715275935568422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939627843582556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731100106694125,0.0,0.3091591083426376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243913356908645,0.0,0.2280307642402324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052072817585667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434758098191511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373432053671795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790429781062856,0.0,0.08456467836201867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937117181405866,0.0,0.0,0.1382057501795297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610858981087996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iwill_killmyself_,2018/01/12,I can't do this for much longer.. The last 6 years of my life have been miserabl. Since i started feeling depressed all those years ago i cant talk to people enymore i think too much and dont know what to say. Its like i cant speake the social language enymore. I feel extremely lonely and sad allmost every moment i'm awake. So i was thinking of shooting myself this summer when I'm going to serve in the defense force but i dont think i make it till summer. I have been looking into corbonmonoxside. But i dont know where i can get puire gas. I just dont want to feel this way enymore. I have memoris when i usedto have a group of friends and we would have lots of fun and i was happy. But that was long time ago,0.2943782192788831,2.5561842251655627,2.0604746136865337,95.23153605592348,87.54304635761589,4.415158204562178,19.647167034584253,5.82211442006289,-0.1632387049300954,562,17,123,4,18,184,90,151,0.054000000000000006,0.8170000000000001,0.128,0.9069,0,2,0,1,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,4,0,20,1,0,1,1,24,36,11,0,2,4,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,6,19,4,12,30,4,19,0,3,1,0,7,3,0,1,15,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125802912436146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220659347924044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.664393869097974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194078598551608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497843714966225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949494818006228,0.0,0.0740444924437759,0.0,0.08054452777910982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086692030745708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557746652533422,0.1155232765087839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001032466564058,0.06923876861442482,0.0,0.0,0.12542052116662122,0.1190117456449344,0.0,0.0,0.1204879475143212,0.0,0.0,0.09460129798222162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083656329257213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825298226171908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127039311058674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172348478355362,0.0,0.0,0.14446889595676324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031236956360998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391169340200134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724314011648621,0.0,0.0,0.08263990398134581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359198124742534,0.11249323368695724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067605405297526,0.0,0.0,0.1825301141284791
suicidewatch,eefam,2018/01/12,"I hate my life I literally hate myself for everything. I’m so over myself. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that this is my life. I feel that I would have been a different person if my cousin hadn’t done that to me. I feel it changed me and I can’t get over it. People have been through worse than what he did to me so I shouldn’t make such a big deal. He changed me though. Everyone noticed the changed but still don’t know why. My parents still ask what happened to me as if it was my fault that my personality changed so drastically. If they only knew would they still believe me. And even if they did what would happen? How could his parent a believe me? It’s been years. Why didn’t I say anything. It was my fault for not telling anyone then. It’s too late now. 
I hate that I have this incurable thing and the fact that I can’t even afford treatment for it. I hate that doctors just shove birth control at me without any advice or explain just because I am not looking to get pregnant now. If I can’t even afford to go to a doctor how can I afford the $300 birth control????? The only thing that I felt was pretty about me was my hair and now it’s all gone. I want to feel feminine and I can’t even have that.  
I hate this crippling anxiety. I can’t do anything. I hate my job but I can’t do anything because of this anxiety. And then this anxiety causes depression and now I’m stuck. I hate myself. It’s just better if I weren’t here. I literally don’t contribute anything. Why should I stay here. I’m literally mad all the time. My boyfriend and family don’t deserve that. People say to think about family. I am. It would be better for everybody if I weren’t here. ",0.3251523809523817,2.6057659914285733,2.258285714285716,93.71438095238096,87.65714285714287,5.390476190476191,20.904761904761905,6.868970318607317,0.4252190476190476,1307,44,291,18,42,433,137,350,0.181,0.7809999999999999,0.039,-0.994,9,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,3,4,27,15,10,0,9,0,41,5,1,6,3,50,73,27,0,15,16,3,6,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,32,8,0,2,9,0,0,2,17,13,0,0,18,9,57,2,22,47,2,22,0,1,1,0,17,4,0,8,14,210,89,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667905309398994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640255799129848,0.0,0.15660017575445034,0.0,0.0,0.047711928454393086,0.0,0.22460838785417692,0.0,0.06379108874608047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319159493485406,0.0,0.0,0.153756342505427,0.0,0.12069771243813808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009677280761085,0.2887369311315345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306408847415245,0.05448058606859147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034792268600934,0.0587712350765385,0.0,0.0,0.0712916942992924,0.0,0.13968408636212118,0.0,0.06982872488252458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027592023015465,0.0,0.0,0.06520205415428611,0.0613257707618842,0.0,0.1286529297171201,0.0,0.13800790845916766,0.0,0.06551689102139156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130058486730102,0.0,0.03877987240490461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068105770589008,0.0,0.0,0.6063168851389225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771331880230125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037500509401509716,0.0,0.07697274567562791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639366545914374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573007308882943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554780276507395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768669975989627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379251980337348,0.0,0.0,0.15153515028226627,0.0,0.0,0.09461196733216312,0.11916141381884347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942015144036633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852739939833073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273008638381455,0.1634791504683786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964093497812292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066542096761504,0.04372262675719956,0.06704114513083985,0.0,0.03978873575047953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040247133557459416,0.05416225495491423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471608707107795,0.0,0.0,0.06577669771381392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953792105536681,0.19389049203247108,0.0,0.0,0.04394149876554982
suicidewatch,Newarkryan,2018/01/12,"No reason to live. People just don't care about me anymore. I literally spend every day in bed because I can't fucking stand seeing people I know. I graduated from high school and it still stands in my head that I was laughed at for no reason by powerful people and told that I would be better off dead. I was told nobody in my life cared for me except myself. I attempted to commit suicide three different times in the last two years alone. I would ask for PMs, but I know people only last two days usually, Ive been banned from an online counseling site because I ""offended a listener"" for telling the truth. There is no reason for me to be alive, everyone just wants me dead. Nobody gives one shit or another if I'm alive. People just tell me I should be dead, laugh, and expect me to get it. Common theme is that I'm suicidal right now.",4.803483941208492,5.523276425149703,5.734501905280348,80.98952640174198,69.17964071856288,8.946978769733262,26.55906369080021,9.095868883498916,1.983938922155689,661,19,130,12,11,218,104,167,0.227,0.65,0.123,-0.9728,2,1,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,3,0,4,0,14,5,2,3,2,23,29,6,5,6,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,5,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,5,3,0,4,5,2,22,6,20,18,0,21,0,0,1,1,7,9,2,2,10,83,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233594478810754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489459773321822,0.0,0.0,0.11812263373357287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113494331075254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521365158352234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534090357712828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24287606638139345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362896649971092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444198557418355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003532048573642,0.11381231940444066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011296342725596,0.062228752175802836,0.11425876610340388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223865634889025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584361200546015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091673289109995,0.19417701728080786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412914887497983,0.0,0.0,0.10517410364759687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071032375665893,0.0905866200756556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41287071339848297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673870384748623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101717153237682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054314769641852,0.09491325569487877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226213596331754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511940245035283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605685436561355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082104077656086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945254042482928,0.0,0.0,0.2276246388088813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23270143878761754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118008261818928,0.0,0.07025268879897156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922109966402918,0.0,0.0,0.07670132417577892
suicidewatch,drawingsauce,2018/01/12,"Does it really get better? I've been depressed and suicidal for years at this point, and I'm just exhausted. I find that people always tell me that it will get better, but it feels like I've waited so long, I'm just so tired of it. Sure, there are days where I feel happy, but they're so few and far between. What's the point in living for a few good moments when everything else is so dark? I just want it to end. ",2.090032467532467,3.360571704545457,3.526493506493509,92.17045454545458,76.27272727272727,6.846753246753247,19.38961038961039,7.447530270364453,0.2410337662337656,322,6,74,4,7,106,62,88,0.117,0.6679999999999999,0.214,0.8665,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,14,12,10,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,6,7,10,2,12,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,7,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679988041012217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571321762462804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302102157789474,0.0,0.17389806865083374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668597545018633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686633802273907,0.0,0.17882542108294375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814566782564125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417563718318768,0.14423897172421732,0.0,0.0,0.18453495265230974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109711321525079,0.0,0.0,0.16934598582542534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492864581248053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863921624233253,0.0,0.17828334125175196,0.17867709313944974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997356333325486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817256783286844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934371905430134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208482362910078,0.0,0.19029043369279766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764714216354084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320568774075093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908714841979415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130018396907955
suicidewatch,TheBiggestOfTheButts,2018/01/12,"Tried getting help, it didn't work I did everything you're supposed to do: I talked to a counselor, I told my friends and family, I went to a psychiatrist and therapist, I got diagnosed and medicated, nothing works. I've been on Prozac for two months and Wellbutrin but I still struggle to get out of bed and go to school without constant use of stimulants. I fantasize about just buying a lethal dose of heroin and giving up literally every day. I want to try psychedelics to see if they can give me a push in the right direction but all of my friends won't support it so I can't safely try without a trip sitter. What else can I do? I'm out of alternatives",2.8323791348600484,4.963430450381684,4.250706106870228,84.03091921119595,76.55725190839695,7.725445292620865,28.47391857506361,8.59863814320734,2.2562208651399485,523,23,104,11,12,173,89,131,0.11,0.792,0.099,-0.5262,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,1,6,0,9,4,0,2,1,19,22,10,1,2,6,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,6,1,14,4,21,15,1,14,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,4,67,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514217878336374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452298671196884,0.0,0.0,0.1644995969506619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539030056007034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655259078800747,0.0,0.14565979986079966,0.0,0.1527869911889345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504327415351446,0.0,0.16935178788138452,0.3109483260417433,0.09210921253739167,0.0,0.1296237276489096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863339807725078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327041823425092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936426794558298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551238754962074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840854232735514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640254453565612,0.12915034436301026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943085233066842,0.0,0.0,0.16943277040032464,0.0,0.0,0.18391730506408846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026727783213154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881780019515944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486667416708932,0.0,0.3301086045405155,0.0,0.15832072524096522,0.0,0.0,0.1399781102518918,0.0,0.0,0.0955942232134824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024230246288098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31246311315677233,0.0,0.2359805900236927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xandrew245x,2018/01/12,"I feel like it's too late for me. I'm 26 years old, and I'm absolutely miserable. I suffer from depression, bipolar, anxiety and adhd. I am so miserable at this point in my life and I just don't know what to do anymore. I really want to finish college and do something with my life, but so much would have to change which terrifies me, on top of it, I don't think I'm smart enough to get the degree I really want. I would have to throw away everything I have worked for to pursue a degree and I'm afraid of failing. All I know is I'm so tired of feeling like this. Please help.

I do go to therapy, I see a phyciatric doctor and I'm on meds and I don't think it helps. ",0.54215763546798,2.3072032206896544,3.1789408866995115,90.71836206896559,82.3103448275862,7.177339901477834,20.701970443349754,8.192908349453996,0.9376108374384238,517,15,121,11,14,181,80,145,0.202,0.672,0.125,-0.9284,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,0,3,3,0,13,5,0,0,1,21,30,11,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,3,17,3,19,28,3,13,0,5,1,0,2,7,0,0,6,75,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019841541795164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743427958503353,0.0,0.1652039410706119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650866527210186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622098425691687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434762758001917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050307411176058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721230683177393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971257942822971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845707522488038,0.23801150465670384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703188188757033,0.0,0.09467202214512394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331193992771453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309751096881616,0.0,0.1879110226843451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23532267295040296,0.16276647008329842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503433082132045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245646202511427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747991086503438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828563028603057,0.15747322304616926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134325614083636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274377149432015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282424644643427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050029560171894,0.0,0.0,0.2134772103106288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146076090760225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965079967074704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127320942773899,0.0,0.0,0.23666922835343754,0.0,0.0,0.10727293016301767
suicidewatch,marshmallowSUCC,2018/01/12,Is it normal Is it normally that I've stopped taking my antidepressants just to make myself suffer till I kill myself? The urge to kill myself gets stronger every day and I don't know any other way to make it painless aside from overdosing... I want it to work for once and not have to make it the 17th attempt... Its not that far from being that many attempts ,3.393004694835682,5.301081281690145,3.9827464788732416,87.58473004694841,74.21126760563381,6.423474178403758,23.10093896713615,7.1686216300943375,0.8033924882629107,285,8,56,3,6,90,48,71,0.185,0.738,0.076,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,13,12,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,9,11,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,38,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265838487774572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447750949757635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891393933757211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728482865882013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967216705584188,0.0,0.12337180201144765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44953905382652826,0.2275938780271281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398978304893639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390705876240036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768060221425867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687857631576658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240783850736906,0.1781867793647148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342870313906133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ironycompleted,2018/01/12,"my cat died and now I want to kill myself. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't help it.

I've been suicidal ever since I was 12 years old (I'm now almost 23), but my cat was the only thing keeping me alive because I had something to care for, something that relied on me. now he's gone, and I don't see the point in sticking around any longer. looking after/cuddling him was the only healthy coping mechanism that I had, and now I can't do that anymore. 

my family aren't around, my boyfriend is... emotionally distant, to say the least, and always tells me that his problems are worse than mine, and I have no friends. I don't know what to do.

sorry if this post is a mess - if it is, then it's an accurate reflection of my mind.",4.4290497076023385,4.187292986842107,5.3585087719298246,86.72567251461992,69.78947368421052,8.334502923976608,28.73099415204679,7.793537801064563,1.537901169590644,562,18,126,6,9,185,94,152,0.193,0.706,0.101,-0.9341,0,0,2,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,6,0,18,0,0,0,1,20,27,10,3,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,7,4,22,2,11,20,1,15,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,3,8,85,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253429716703933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336801412289912,0.0,0.0,0.11717040814490925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087603038693086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067683677949444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503292872960482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756720824260185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882096000099518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381513566624128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585587907898485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242979844796554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311912033801165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548955062925148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314880987909515,0.19062523463863645,0.0,0.18938395564489635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468922222869846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397462478462933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808006371263134,0.0,0.0,0.26208494605039634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287988695659442,0.0,0.16501647566823915,0.0,0.0,0.16486853353308414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702046000128446,0.0,0.0,0.13730137782756732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252894837817662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652910470863109,0.0,0.1928765662005036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846903838975795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505984367249989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446895213619016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162743757519804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558916888016604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095602414470307
suicidewatch,walkingistillhonest1,2018/01/12,"Guys/girls, I need your support. Heart warming stories and examples needed! Hey there, I think it was last summer when I wrote here how I hate my life and can't see how to change it and so on. The main msg was that I don't have it in me to carry on, even though my situation wasn't that bad actually. It had mainly to do with unhealthy parents--son relationship, me living with no idea what to do next, being tired of trying as I've already got myself back on my feet once. (Jan 2015, suicide attempt, rehab, got clean, started my life over).
I didn't do anything after posting that^. I was falling deeper and deeper into the hole. I still live with my parents and I'm 28. I still work with my dad. I still don't like him, living here, and feeling like nothing is really mine, not even my life. I'm just doing this cos I don't have the courage or motivation to change. And I'm rotting inside. Making my life more complicated with every passing month. I started lying to my parents again. I pretend I still go to uni (weekends) but I gave up on this few months back and didn't care that much as I was thinking (again) I'm gonna kill myself soon so nothing will matter anyway. BUT! I fell in love. I fell in love with the same girl I fell in love with for the first time in my life, over a decade ago. She broke my heart and stuff but time did heal the wounds. But now everything is more complicated than ever before. She's about to get a divorce and keep the kids, she lives abroad. She is going thru very rough patch. And me? I didn't see any point in living up until October when we started talking. We got to the point where we decided to meet and see if this thing between us is real and what are we going to do next. And I'm telling you, this is it. It's so bloody impossible to make it work at the moment, but this is it and I'm not giving up on her. The other reason is obvious-I was going into the dead end, I was slowly letting go of my life and people and stuff around me and now I found a purpose to try for one last time. To fight and see who I am and what I'm capable of. But I'm super scared. I will have to tell my parents, about school, about her, about how I'm gonna break their hearts and probably ruin their lives again. I will have to get on a plane and leave everything and find a job (whatever it'll be) and get myself together and hope and wait for her to be ready to make us work. But I don't see any other way round, no other options.
So what I'm asking is: share with me your stories about overcoming difficulties, about making it work, about changing, about facing your fears. Please. Thank you.",2.4133160013418333,3.8738389243542457,3.757264340825227,90.06488678295875,75.80811808118081,6.403287487420329,22.281281449178127,6.980632752743323,0.5120907749077492,2035,54,444,20,44,668,244,542,0.129,0.779,0.092,-0.9501,5,0,0,0,2,3,75.0,6,5,2,8,40,21,3,2,16,0,44,18,5,10,1,81,99,48,3,4,12,4,4,2,0,6,10,0,1,2,30,41,0,2,9,2,0,10,13,8,0,2,18,9,69,13,68,71,7,72,0,2,6,3,44,24,0,4,37,305,99,7,0.0,0.0,0.0623544785981303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664103851570072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051218153672313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690461422862023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258197539088229,0.05688208115608885,0.05973528398737605,0.0,0.0,0.0982660505200823,0.05335151755128875,0.0,0.0,0.05437183595725627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514748388983406,0.0,0.20278438867190607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659397953673581,0.0,0.0,0.08440703476545937,0.05779870216834325,0.05383617162567159,0.0,0.11485341931653305,0.0,0.0,0.07190214755053975,0.0323083590763244,0.045648193443223815,0.0,0.0,0.058400910066211086,0.054350950676906915,0.0,0.07006001395150004,0.0,0.0,0.10015099528558988,0.061296044809165076,0.18157133987178728,0.0,0.15331335439764238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308528533800226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271555734396381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346436632414011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213219438340304,0.0,0.0,0.06340814066497219,0.056794793381853226,0.0706928171574807,0.0,0.0,0.10416954040430372,0.0,0.06765793989203503,0.0,0.06533924622064123,0.2707950167008179,0.06243391741209964,0.0,0.3385345452153355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300923271561736,0.0,0.17060758715079055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200431776735526,0.0,0.04697181571082314,0.09475797190711796,0.0,0.0,0.1359108567082743,0.0,0.0,0.12262222983431835,0.0,0.0,0.06804846391998715,0.04329841630770949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285093452971676,0.0,0.0,0.04429829344728315,0.0,0.0,0.07013996989195412,0.12080707036590713,0.0,0.06119588292966908,0.0,0.0688920205000672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272903592918531,0.04093420132906719,0.06569699388106946,0.0,0.06860171149391593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397227358081532,0.06466740745257668,0.25458909510680044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718231630229113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356803635176507,0.0,0.20411363971990729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629408074587202,0.06989319801226854,0.07250981869492906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135817259935572,0.11169798974185728,0.058827983958462726,0.0,0.0,0.042450479963537666,0.08188552907167113,0.06277870345136058,0.0,0.111776964915006,0.07344046552121895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676404886253257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372099899476424,0.0,0.0,0.052721906105659015,0.0,0.05071864651827659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860717760319272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway113010,2018/01/12,"Only staying for my son I'm so tired of being miserable and feeling worthless because of how I have fucked up my life. I'm 37 and never finished college and the only way I can make money is being a plumber. It wouldn't be bad but I was a stay at home dad for the past few years and I don't want to go back to working 90 hours a week missing my son growing up. My wife is miserable and pretty much hates me and treats me like one of her employees. I'm working three days a week and still averaging 35 hours a week to help pay some bills. When I'm home I'm working building furniture and things for customers of mine but not making enough money to to quit my other job. My wife went to college an has a job making 100k+ working maybe 35—40 hours a week with plenty of time for the gym and her nails and hair. When we met I had great credit and now it's in the shitter because of her addiction to shopping. We're about 50-60k in credit card debt and she's even taken cards out in my name and had her new car repossessed because she ""forgot"" to pay the bill. I had to borrow money from my friend to get her car back and she still pays the payment late almost every month. I feel like I'm completely worthless because of her. I do nothing right or good in her eyes. I've begged her to go to marriage counseling and we did for a little while but now she won't go again. My son is my entire life at this point and the only reason I'm still going. I'm too afraid to commit suicide because I know he'd be devistated but I'd I got hit by a truck it wouldn't be that bad in my mind. I love him so much and he's such an amazing and awesome kid that doesn't deserve living in a home full of anamosoty and misery. He has such a kind heart even though he is a product of two miserable people. I just want it to be over but I'm afraid of leaving him for her to take care of. I honestly am trapped and hate my life but only put a smile on and keep going for him. Guess I'm just trying to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far. ",1.80838383838384,3.1596949090909088,3.417121212121213,92.33262626262626,77.18181818181819,5.9797979797979774,22.904040404040398,6.42735559955562,0.3839646464646465,1600,47,363,12,36,531,215,440,0.125,0.713,0.162,0.9724,5,1,0,0,0,2,25.0,2,1,0,5,22,27,3,5,22,0,27,11,4,6,2,58,69,36,1,5,11,6,3,2,1,3,5,0,3,1,13,25,0,2,4,3,13,10,7,13,0,3,11,4,49,14,53,47,6,59,0,6,1,2,36,19,1,5,29,225,62,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895138907546668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222302271750917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262776825405684,0.1371197063633358,0.250272700176816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371836708015452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609257214889497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295526398789237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484335263454541,0.0,0.10846802821412987,0.0,0.06918266231079233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303630173908341,0.05866062642861414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343930821528376,0.07591095845574733,0.08579996531091608,0.0,0.2333299027837636,0.06887141174775012,0.06567224045805657,0.09052845694192256,0.09045531270267793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213664012609086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730277899747686,0.05503775249874175,0.0,0.247094238854032,0.0,0.242590500804316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296641647855165,0.07298466612500253,0.0,0.08550671668526165,0.04512645179249862,0.0,0.09262559235869047,0.08694445141345343,0.0,0.0,0.17399380035898265,0.08023127378176204,0.08229751111024669,0.07250614972221305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410902968631812,0.07769609120513912,0.1644306244263655,0.0,0.08249225544358277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290942589859439,0.0,0.06554078844433119,0.0,0.12072311853976887,0.0,0.06332961752631669,0.07930400713405049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878840621700861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055641023935289934,0.2497986409294125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838492420534461,0.056925925153385085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762211261968073,0.0,0.0,0.08353713502557185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254495414506227,0.0,0.08733591746293605,0.08213393675263561,0.0,0.0,0.08442451989548433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701229569465142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750403282218527,0.1967235677708665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981689020395303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617377916202257,0.0,0.0,0.0755974361795505,0.0,0.0,0.0545513756191397,0.0,0.08067434421941351,0.0,0.04788000201555116,0.09437533860002617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055748465315384466,0.0,0.08021121538550383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968632352601497,0.06517645829892535,0.2634602631922254,0.0,0.0,0.07611838351878615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391132292298397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528772530661648
suicidewatch,ausmundausmund,2018/01/12,"The only thing keeping me going is fear. I want to die.  The only thing keeping me going is fear of living in the streets.  Thats why I show up to a job I hate,Target retail.  Im almost 30, dying is a more realistic option than making changes, thats why i dont make them because i know this is short term.

I shut down.  Im not taking care of my responsibities.  My health insurance plan from last year is gone, and i havent pursued a new one at my job even though i know i should. And i need it to make the refills on my 4 medications affordable.  I procrastinate and avoid it because i want to escape.  I dont want to live.  I want to fucking die.

I font get how anyone has the will or motivation to live.  It is a mystery to me.

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suicidewatch,punkhora,2018/01/12,I have to kill myself I have no other choice. My mom just kicked me out after an argument and I have no options. I want to die. ,-2.313214285714285,-0.7147630357142862,0.9225714285714304,98.42242857142858,107.92857142857142,3.6685714285714286,12.742857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-1.0072514285714282,97,2,23,1,5,34,21,28,0.445,0.517,0.037000000000000005,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175831297642635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517496693662949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840841243161705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941525826155982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Muzz14,2018/01/12,what is the least painful way to commit suicide what is the least painful way to committing suicide? i can't take it anymore and i'm now seeking for a painless way to end it,2.755833333333332,4.436347361111113,3.512222222222224,91.255,75.3888888888889,5.911111111111111,34.22222222222222,6.42735559955562,1.9169555555555555,139,8,29,1,3,44,24,36,0.202,0.562,0.236,-0.3586,0,0,0,0,0,4,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383072705103792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282933192979747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5113799267693625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256856916991468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067132817758005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722030369605786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awhyanyhow,2018/01/12,"Why do you think life is worthless? I am as inclined to accept this is not the right place to write this as to think there is no better place to find people who experience some emotions and have ideas that tempt them to commit suicide. Even though I do not consider myself suicidal and happy in comparison with the world I live in, described in many ways, one of the most relevant of which reads ""A quick test of the assertion that pleasure outweighs pain in this world, or that they are at any rate balanced, would be to compare the feelings of an animal engaged in another animal with those of the animal being eaten, I am always interested in the question of why people feel suicidal or at least suffer from constant depression, relatively good but still bad, in a half-sentimental half-scientific manner. I occasionally read the posts here and most people talk about the painful reality or the meaningless universe, however these answers do not satisfy me, pushing me further to look for some other answers.

Yes pain is not the answer since I could show you counless ascetic groups in history that never questioned even once whether life is worth living or not. Perhaps it is the other way, perhaps what really hurts is the indifference of the universe towards human suffering, utter absurdity of reality and almost incomprehensible human pschology that is, as it were, a pendulum swinging between sadness and boredom. But again, why in the face of the ""objective meaninglessness"" of the universe induce people to think nothing matters at all,  neglect the conspicuous prospect that subjective values can be created so that the universe may be rendered temporarily meaningful, meaningless as it seems from a distance, from an objective view. In other words, why do you think inevitable suffering necessarily justifies suicide, or objective meaninglessness defies subjective meaningfulness? I would like to understand why",19.363986324786325,11.765967381538465,16.865025641025642,38.46652991452993,49.03076923076922,20.229059829059832,61.95726495726496,16.183971759870587,9.170223931623932,1569,84,213,47,9,506,186,325,0.18,0.7090000000000001,0.11,-0.9873,1,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,3,2,1,11,20,0,0,25,1,26,7,1,1,3,55,36,19,4,3,13,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,21,7,1,1,19,3,1,1,7,12,0,1,2,4,15,8,45,26,6,29,0,8,2,0,13,20,0,14,6,168,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283785373663367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077143958877737,0.0,0.0,0.06304746008318189,0.09721680205931896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741079580292984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199638701493421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018892750686546,0.0,0.07402312984797066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985286281463624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428872121296556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247103798459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906902998787336,0.0,0.0,0.0937561254853066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473725081005744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776257596902407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869383715502963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925030376425696,0.10466076367673956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097070589183032,0.04529448695924005,0.0,0.163733102978805,0.0,0.07785487912313667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939955964527156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150534697933382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895983498013033,0.0,0.0,0.0987354434697972,0.06282417103063981,0.0,0.2959568813543596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570998019068019,0.0,0.1937289858649565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879263823928811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077177144419845,0.0,0.18547453389672944,0.0,0.05939379507610454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917569319905876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440168456711887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669247146820155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404006488550602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056482985054858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745185365735546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762487970799576,0.09108924388090943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965166466733136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471812225492149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418291599661352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317201420147791,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12378912,2018/01/12,"My guilt over things I've done back then is killing me I've done things in my life that I just can't handle the guilt anymore. No I can't just ""move on"" or ""forgive myself"", I've stained myself with disgusting actions throughout my last 8 years without giving a care. My morals were pretty much gone until lately they've come back, and I realized how bad all that I've done was.

Post here, in private messages, whatever I just need help with this. I'm losing my mind.",4.892588652482266,5.392188968085108,4.956170212765958,87.43333333333334,68.8936170212766,7.543262411347518,28.43262411347518,7.1686216300943375,1.3739347517730494,369,12,76,3,6,115,65,94,0.247,0.674,0.079,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,2,2,0,8,1,0,1,1,15,14,5,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,6,0,12,2,8,8,2,16,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156635687952413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28155473593791497,0.15286431434394807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666245897277808,0.0,0.0,0.1577073757094317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5620638062412747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562720409482704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271479456729192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255110856840727,0.0,0.0,0.14923479312579954,0.20652243272888515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931495502426926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048199064752176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848588051823286,0.0,0.0,0.19458527194230796,0.13458500773145898,0.135751643711724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753402173747616,0.18625837535131065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243260691018186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648277334389806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789764212202275
suicidewatch,RickDeezNutz11181,2018/01/12,Why not? Nothing to live for.,-2.66,-4.103776999999996,-0.6533333333333324,105.09000000000003,152.33333333333334,1.2000000000000002,19.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.9367333333333328,22,1,5,0,2,7,6,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5568418925620464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6050891599941832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5690291865497341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9379397634,2018/01/12,"I don't know. I'm a 40 year old male. I've had severe acne since I was 16, so severe, I've developed deep scars. And I'm still suffering from it. Not only that, I believe I've developed seborrheic dermatitis on my scalp and I'm losing hair. That may not seem like such a big deal, but I'm terribly skinny with a giant head. My hair is the only thing keeping me somewhat normal. And I use the word normal loosely. I'm basically shunned by society for my looks. Going to any kind of public place is a nightmare. So add anxiety on to all of this. This has prevented me from obtaining or sustaining any kind of employment. My last job was 10 years ago. So to stay alive, have a roof over my head, I've lived with my disabled mother. Helping her out as much as I can. But now she's on her death bed. So I've been trying to gain some sort of confidence despite all that I'm going through, but it's a real possibility I'm going to be homeless. 

I do have family, I'm the youngest of six and my three sisters have been doing what they can to help my mother get the proper resting place until she passes. They're stressed. But I can tell they're stressed out and concerned about me too. I was doing fine yesterday, trying to figure out what next to do, being civil and somewhat sociable with the family (though I could clearly see they were uncomfortable just being around me), when out of nowhere, my sister asked me (in front of my other sisters, niece, and nephews) ""How are you going to survive?"" This gutted me. What ounce of confidence I had tried to attain was destroyed. And I asked her, ""why would you say that?"" She tried to play it off. I left the room. She left the house upset. My other sisters were upset, crying and somehow trying to put the blame on me, because my sister was ""stressed"" and didn't know what she was saying. 

I'm so fucking stuck right now. I can't get any medical help. I don't feel like any employer would hire me in my condition. And if they did, I'm not sure my anxiety would allow me to handle it. I really do want to be self-sufficient and not a burden on my family, but I feel like I""m a burden on society too. 

I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. Of course I'm suicidal, but I want to live so badly too. 

Maybe it'll pass. I don't know. ",2.1083446105428827,3.895924352688173,4.0336008392342,86.34405979543669,77.51612903225806,7.117230527143981,23.38447416732232,8.015777009494485,1.25081956464726,1764,56,367,30,41,599,216,465,0.156,0.74,0.104,-0.9794,3,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,0,2,3,5,21,22,2,5,16,0,43,9,7,3,5,68,78,32,2,9,14,8,4,3,0,5,1,2,2,1,20,21,1,2,7,1,0,8,10,13,0,2,15,8,55,9,51,53,7,46,0,2,2,1,32,24,1,9,15,237,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357804760090078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22578229531151214,0.0,0.12699568248894222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389116768720372,0.15519509118668942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930488212854502,0.05059847470730814,0.0,0.0,0.09351709644996364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662719487080305,0.0,0.0911760085461966,0.0,0.08557349067600145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482336645453917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347463832882535,0.0,0.08393864393449786,0.11859616412681505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673587068659557,0.0867323397958541,0.0,0.18869236918164825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037212394503246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669075168278767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577548439449672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236867321630567,0.07377777880564385,0.0,0.17287180896867801,0.13685050115574798,0.067659347385617,0.0,0.0,0.18036820169681791,0.0,0.0,0.12165470128124847,0.0,0.14658812488344844,0.0,0.06970246416917589,0.09286025673660804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338868557501547,0.0,0.0,0.08361780864588587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101749866951441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882757073882802,0.0,0.16265261477445705,0.0,0.0,0.08709874679636942,0.0,0.0,0.1262565813816005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344305004219082,0.0,0.0,0.09357455085226964,0.07949489813697916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344195694484595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447673644052036,0.05317449490372751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088497189172327,0.0,0.13201624221308714,0.0,0.0,0.06614345022380166,0.07556373422727973,0.08659128600439113,0.1875418126185067,0.0,0.06866177566216601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847123172078976,0.06628711042763379,0.0,0.2852424425739736,0.0,0.0,0.09079291596852278,0.0,0.1564605961635873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254916418837512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514417668335045,0.0,0.08155101940065299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817713748082451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168881518305559,0.0,0.0,0.09791583252820037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979641900952193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768910037986711,0.0,0.0,0.10690372341729812
suicidewatch,alpacalicious,2018/01/12,"Suicidal again I'm feeling suicidal again. These past months have been very hard I was hospitalized too. I have a new psych (never had one in my entire life) and next week I'll meet a new therapist. I was followed by a therapist before, a private one (while now I'm in the public service) but that therapist wasn't good for me he hurted me and we ended therapy really badly (I also didn't pay him because he hurted me). I think he was a sociopath. But now I miss him and that's why I feel suicidal I think. I was obsessed with him. I think I have bpd (i asked my psych for a diagnosis) and I become too attached to people. I idealized that therapist. Now I feel empty again. That obsession helped me to cope and not think about my problems. Now that I'm alone again and don't see him anymore I feel empty and it's like all my symptoms are coming back in a strong way.

Yesterday I started to think about suicide but I don't want to kill myself. I just want to do something stupid so I can be recovered again. I want to be taken care of and end up in the hospital again. I'm afraid that if I tell this to my psych he'll prescribe me meds but the fact is my mood changes a lot for example yesterday morning I was suicidal, then something good happened and I wasn't suicidal, I was even happy. So I feel that my mood changes quickly and it's not like I'm in a depressive state because I can function without meds. Right now I'm not taking any meds and my psych agreed with me. I hate their side effects I'm way too sensitive to them.

Yesterday I had thoughts like ""what if I throw myself under a car or what if I cut myself deep and go to the hospital"". But I don't want to be a burden to my family, I already am because I'm depending on them now since I'm taking a pause from university. I feel like a burden, when I was hospitalized they came to the hospital every day because they are concerned and I feel guilty about that. They wasted their time and money for me.

I wanted to call an helpline but I feel too ashamed. I wonder if there are services I could text to.",1.6763895568533158,3.7115906948356847,3.558439253406622,88.05650807282724,79.84507042253522,6.87910225581129,24.474750944692545,7.933642134475585,1.3964037100652704,1620,60,340,29,41,545,184,426,0.222,0.688,0.09,-0.9958,1,1,2,0,0,3,40.0,1,0,7,3,28,28,4,4,19,0,31,2,0,2,3,64,75,31,7,12,16,0,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,14,19,0,0,16,0,2,6,11,16,0,2,16,10,71,10,35,54,2,52,0,4,1,0,22,11,0,8,36,230,85,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513426656433482,0.08005470532967443,0.058013843519317085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933277578596767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194469173350669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678193533822701,0.0,0.0,0.055782274401757724,0.060571661851576565,0.17688991632607,0.08011974640158973,0.06173006154297786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136731030612848,0.0,0.07407608769879974,0.08297162923429385,0.07396399476102136,0.0,0.15348501140078838,0.06249069885256334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792091327624518,0.0,0.0,0.04678522771972997,0.0,0.06248250717641396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850586257602709,0.0,0.0,0.04791498538717922,0.0,0.0611219049197383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838853729930916,0.0,0.29344559866648645,0.05182583484565784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122873464687758,0.12169383888765005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415089834632093,0.07722501324243927,0.06498565986222653,0.07162271565434393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862507690311022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553208638645024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802597866514636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124035496249208,0.14176639417686465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616747748504804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24174189437827595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057904360801595965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595082252917407,0.140127940206358,0.07715194274068786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831611739171664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925197331806897,0.05029325077231902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694153287312101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046473890807042666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195264194837339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057808607093821934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060009594271058626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111696664295542,0.0,0.0,0.05134739976227474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761117227814055,0.0,0.0,0.0754015552861747,0.1090889336525978,0.0,0.06340712668239007,0.0,0.0829610053694151,0.33691921557541943,0.0,0.2324180644298699,0.0,0.057592262539257914,0.04230130545720365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059856844104435536,0.2139432503042577,0.11516496052886804,0.05819085526306918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546016499957882,0.0,0.0,0.06993034911707788,0.07867146056650663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xiniiasz,2018/01/12,"Lifestory, need advice i think this is it.. So, i'm about to turn twenty tomorow, yet i'm stuck in my own head.

You know, i have these voices in my head, talking to me 24/7, i'm going trough a very hard time for almost a year now, me and my 'girlfriend' broke up, exactly 6 january 2017.

She has no clue, but i've tried killing myself 3 weeks after that, when she was dating a friend of mine, just 5 days after we broke up she started dating him.

I knew she'd miss me, because i litterly did everything for her, there's not a guy that will ever be able to compeed to that.
Eventuelly, after 9 months (around october), i started feeling better again. Went studying got good grades, got lifegoals, i knew she missed me, but when she actually tried to come back, i couldn't.. I couldn't just say no, now we're trying to solve our shit out but it's not working for me, i can't forget that she slept with him, just 2 weeks after a 2.5 year relationship, she fucked someone else. She made her parents (who loved me very much, they liked me alot) hate me. We can't even be togheter anymore because of all the lies that have been told, her mom doesn't allow it & even if she did, i'm not sure if i can forget her fucking that guy, she even kissed someone at a party, in front of my nose one week before she started talking to me again just to hurt me because she was ""jelly"" because some girls where talking to me... she's always had her eyes on me whenever we meet at parties...

I do believe she misses me and wants me back, but why all the lies? why go and fuck someone else, how can you say you love me if you're capable of doing that after a 2.5 year relationship?

The most saddening part is, I think i've finally suffered enough pain to let go, like for real. sometimes, i cut myself & i feel this peace coming over me, i feel good. I feel calm, that calmness scares me, cause i'm really close to killing myself & i think that's what i want, however i don't want to hurt my family.

Sometimes i kinda just think like, i wanne fake my death & see how it turns out & come back if people change, if her mom sees what damage she's causing, if she see's what damage she caused...

Idk any thoughts???

also, how would you go over killing urself?",3.7915585515634938,4.4764306870897155,4.541411731488672,88.75990047293007,71.4507658643326,7.2096844780122815,25.68285452107009,7.1029339738359605,0.9607487682642768,1732,50,375,15,31,557,227,457,0.222,0.6459999999999999,0.131,-0.9948,2,0,0,0,0,3,89.0,4,4,1,2,28,35,9,1,11,0,27,13,6,8,5,72,79,20,4,13,18,3,5,3,2,2,1,3,0,3,20,14,0,0,12,0,0,9,11,22,0,1,16,13,83,13,40,55,9,55,0,10,4,6,55,15,4,11,34,233,103,2,0.06682712697505278,0.0,0.0652136359986924,0.0,0.0,0.06530269505191898,0.0,0.0,0.06691771450702375,0.0,0.0,0.053441629297973726,0.055605523052769064,0.3620358207869547,0.0,0.04544473794286494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627455297456421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949031118147281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415780695433282,0.0,0.1629487853480993,0.0,0.056864963005294776,0.07529128775102024,0.0,0.05910316316056358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059496033481457,0.07069423937878712,0.17269695783238365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043097968428631464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116509790360338,0.0,0.0,0.06905028618229378,0.0,0.13241606131613198,0.060448962274157976,0.0,0.0,0.060059912687155076,0.0,0.06299866785008612,0.0,0.1351592133163404,0.0,0.0,0.07320585111700982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163047252906986,0.18534180615137535,0.0,0.0,0.1519175851666719,0.11210284703022017,0.10689551643235848,0.0,0.0,0.1323387245024768,0.0,0.0,0.05986397958419911,0.06597795262503381,0.13716782380600642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307964315661822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180294420591776,0.0,0.03672644130513512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833526500836783,0.0,0.09794507601432756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206281824004394,0.06323344335612723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653424687570933,0.053340775183506384,0.0,0.04912562755444371,0.04955146788855038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528379073793555,0.0,0.0711087747642361,0.0,0.07420361604851197,0.07236726625799865,0.0,0.046329515524503255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606390081760589,0.042811168746602624,0.0,0.0,0.14349465003418987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628722723007293,0.06690561218858704,0.0,0.15975770418546195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859708550827258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986722347121527,0.0,0.1321874746870787,0.0,0.14190175329083174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298377630742515,0.0,0.0,0.1611393398879048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128049841797335,0.0,0.053053274155672264,0.03896743514867262,0.0,0.0,0.06385618363827414,0.0,0.1361136977047136,0.14537744851254247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102787569146566,0.11824911276312901,0.0,0.16081407092768293,0.0,0.0,0.06194941621820953,0.12060217560061658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865094434507935,0.0,0.0,0.04747207363913595,0.0,0.0,0.12910343627553467
suicidewatch,Dazd95,2018/01/12,"I need help. My father is 54. He was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer two years ago. In October we found it metastatized into his abdomen.
He is in a lot of pain tonight and tried killing himself. He laid outside on the cement in - 40°c. I convinced him to come back in. He said he can't take the pain anymore. 
What do I do?

Edit: He just tried again and he refuses to go to the hospital. I really don't know what to do. ",-0.5670000000000002,1.6176839666666682,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,92.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,21.94444444444445,7.1686216300943375,0.8537777777777777,327,13,74,6,12,112,64,90,0.162,0.7809999999999999,0.057,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,0,8,6,2,0,0,12,15,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,1,9,1,12,12,1,14,0,0,0,1,15,6,0,1,5,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593635070407484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039754601548204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863860173219193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001218341132689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579840755814954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547252660180148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320319687121562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571820690800306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570260215544334,0.0,0.1276761829511293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975088979356928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226123890067682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49440656995862203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882919278320192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209881129488063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467461466165912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154580506165521,0.0,0.2269414368624124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960551003371966
suicidewatch,OnionOnSale711,2018/01/12,"I think I don’t deserve to be loved Everyday, I secretly think my friends, family, and boyfriend does not love me. Even when they obviously show that they do, I will think to myself, they love me for something else. 

Friends: I’m fun to be around for an hour or so. I’m pretty much down to do anything. (Or at least, try to) I take part in serious/real life experience conversations pretty well. But there are times when we don’t talk for a month or so, I feel very left out. I see from their snap stories that they’re eating out or hanging out with each other. Even though it is a pretty weird conclusion, I feel like they don’t want me there because I am a pretty boring company after some time has passed.

Family: simply because of the label of being a family member. Honestly, I feel the least amount of love from this group of people.

Boyfriend: We had a pretty rough month. He has said some pretty harsh things about me. And has done things that I still can’t forgive. Even though he comes over at least 3 times a week (before it was once a week), shows some affection, spoke kind words, and bought 2 specific items as christmas gifts that I wanted for years, I secretly think I’m nothing to him. That he only loves the idea of me loving him. I could disappear off the face of the earth, and it wouldn’t matter to him.

I feel that every time I talk about personal problems, I burden them. So I just don’t talk about it, or if I do, I keep it at surface level. 

There are other factors that gives me a hard time in my current life. In retrospect, my life isn’t terrible. If I had the motivation to keep going, I could work things out. The problem is, I don’t have that strive. I feel very alone EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

If I passed away, I wouldn’t be missed and that it didn’t really matter anyways.

I think about killing myself pretty often. But I know I won’t do it. I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid of missing out the good parts of life. Yet, I feel like if I do continue living on, I won’t be happy. I would be better off dead. 

I really pray that I get into a car accident or some sort of accident that would kill me. At this point, I’m just waiting to die. If I could be granted one wish, is that I wish I was never born.",2.3823805668016185,3.9811449714285736,3.758418160786583,89.44302920763451,76.2087912087912,6.9872758820127245,21.64401388085599,7.7627490962704995,0.7637472527472521,1722,44,373,25,38,566,209,455,0.135,0.682,0.184,0.968,1,1,1,0,0,2,68.0,2,0,6,4,25,30,2,2,18,0,45,12,1,2,2,79,87,26,5,18,16,0,8,2,2,7,4,2,0,1,26,17,1,3,18,2,1,7,14,12,1,1,9,11,61,18,52,61,14,53,1,2,1,6,34,24,0,17,24,256,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905448463158914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054867281983451706,0.05935427802771151,0.0,0.0,0.06264271573417353,0.0,0.0,0.08128808975570671,0.0,0.056734933087775385,0.0,0.0,0.05896801527644049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574340204657031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970205068511362,0.0,0.0,0.042999418724492776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691974146707069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834714423656129,0.0682309752592456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822447169229573,0.0556978365061468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321132729448536,0.0,0.11235197565466212,0.0,0.0,0.06522027595801408,0.188563837002452,0.0,0.20227522850014684,0.09526429096913724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302482405393483,0.0,0.03483457882293405,0.0639600804270644,0.03789255093898952,0.05592325387265668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097605039583448,0.05972709198388551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566077186115796,0.0,0.0,0.07526718842148312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852639314172145,0.14753050657950964,0.06943104117745093,0.03664246101426176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244184065537003,0.0,0.1883761679496688,0.06514740700622673,0.0,0.05887464356176258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610570461297049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643760765674014,0.0,0.049013294740679315,0.0,0.051423343717041665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397580550887591,0.0,0.0,0.07100597173620234,0.045180242836672144,0.050708822642206455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440357618839866,0.0,0.04622357642309552,0.058217441975408214,0.0,0.0,0.06302878073795487,0.0,0.0,0.4748222526435212,0.0,0.12759663387308376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542654970238188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342254386193089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313079840495601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132914674419409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532461957920411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013078876559904,0.16077087160853912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288636099222095,0.21361105115112172,0.13101435612548593,0.0,0.1943916525151274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452674847186516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002658867418104,0.07865247943835244,0.0,0.10696423094838824,0.0,0.05994821836941972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533443484584797,0.0,0.0,0.048539696962752864,0.0,0.0,0.094727043828501,0.0,0.0,0.04293607423263613
suicidewatch,braxons,2018/01/12,Whats the average age of suicide for guys ? Is the chance higher as you get older ? From 30's onward .,-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142893,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,94.71428571428572,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.03936190476190449,78,2,16,1,3,27,20,21,0.204,0.7120000000000001,0.084,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337964911650214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.632606919714236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.698847900201171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slim927,2018/01/12,Alone Feeling hopeless and suicidal. I have no friends or family . this is becoming too much to handle. Nobody should ever be subjected to this kind of misery/isolation.,4.283275862068965,7.69266551724138,5.547844827586207,68.20038793103453,83.48275862068967,9.796551724137933,31.38793103448276,9.516144504307137,4.774441379310344,136,7,18,5,4,45,27,29,0.314,0.563,0.123,-0.7964,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738912496195538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987005326742864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265487672918356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34032242330598345,0.0,0.1825344589722322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789107790237511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759300918212705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26537946255529626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394879760215292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,texan94,2018/01/12,"I'm tired and I'm completely out of options I'm obviously so upset.  
I can't imagine going back to my university tomorrow.  
I have untreated bipolar disorder, my best friends are studying across the country this semester, and the student org I've been an officer of for three years ran me off for being an outspoken woman. Everyone hates me. My mental health is so bad that I took two incompletes last semester. I still haven't completed my assignments because I can't. I have a panic attack as soon as I think about it.  
I attempted suicide last semester and things got increasingly worse after that. My parents didn't even care. I can't afford treatment and I feel so fucking lonely. 
My mom owns a glock and it's in her closet. Tomorrow when my dad picks my sister up from school I want to get it down and just shoot my self. I've never considered using a gun. I've always been the overdose type but I'm so tired. I'm exhausted and help literally doesn't exist so I want to just be done. 
  
I also feel like I can't talk to my friends because they have my mom's number and I don't trust them. I recently found out that they text her and it made me feel worse because she knows I'm in a bad place but she ignores it.  
I can't go on like this. I'm losing my mind and I feel so absolutely terrible and alone. ",1.9448401037165084,4.088696576779029,4.0599438202247216,84.24543863439933,79.48689138576779,7.703197925669838,25.625036012676464,8.617729084823388,2.0133262460386057,1034,41,209,24,26,354,145,267,0.203,0.696,0.101,-0.984,2,3,0,2,0,1,21.0,0,0,3,3,15,19,3,2,9,0,19,6,0,3,2,36,46,23,1,2,4,5,4,2,2,0,5,0,1,2,11,13,0,1,8,0,0,5,10,12,0,2,9,4,40,7,22,35,3,27,0,2,0,1,18,10,1,2,14,133,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125823170911945,0.0,0.09362779995700657,0.09741886348301837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319393162535886,0.0,0.09002629910386085,0.1955116604889141,0.21411027991975215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286688016661335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936954501558092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455095942517683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418234183025612,0.0,0.0,0.11981216646340788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732938199965891,0.0,0.0,0.1118737221570618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367940490019549,0.08364105191407308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837075954180974,0.18090943772257936,0.10823737835072092,0.061168792337473375,0.0,0.13307705491752256,0.0,0.0936385375998374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559098461438075,0.0,0.12444919105069803,0.0,0.0,0.07847538961390392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434339567899948,0.19086954553104812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439748506059567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098112593516256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078270372577624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798779978856065,0.0,0.11821611902132155,0.27424233402732884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029831677067188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736663704175994,0.13000204916544378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223223302332253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560109901353227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848990235762312,0.0,0.0,0.1221386256684511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349920691504084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806510318213998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410343009384306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778189081729449,0.07501930822972881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691295022176088,0.0,0.0,0.13007875173430758,0.0,0.0,0.11436888486545815,0.0,0.0,0.10111841232862596,0.0,0.0,0.13811210998263898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386264101777969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539484894800426
suicidewatch,goreisthenewpink,2018/01/12,"What is the point I don't get the point of trying to live anymore. I'm too scared to get a job because of fear of literately everything  and I have to rely on others to help me. Which i barely have anyone because I'm so scared.

I went to a mental hospital recently where I felt even more worst about me completely.. making me realize I'm not exactly crazy but there is indeed something fucked up in my brain.

I miss self harming sometimes because i feel like i could control my emotions better definately when they are reflecting off someone else.

I'm scared I'll become another friend to suicide or distance family member. I don't know if i have the will to live or kill myself. I don't know how to find a fix to me. 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I just need help. I don't know what to do when I'm so useless and feel too much.",3.203872987477638,4.456796686046517,4.8002325581395375,84.2127459749553,73.4186046511628,7.850447227191412,26.602862254025048,8.384062270229773,1.7424753130590336,658,23,135,11,13,222,102,172,0.235,0.669,0.096,-0.9823,1,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,1,2,12,13,2,4,6,0,14,2,1,4,1,25,33,12,2,4,7,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,9,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,2,3,21,3,18,29,3,11,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,4,4,86,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763597383988074,0.0,0.0,0.1301731541758089,0.09177898974449407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004187586923215,0.14496469231521586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608746985182695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652788722264465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762203190378405,0.0,0.1472175602768587,0.10479922551952288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964962761435514,0.1476481369537748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669499625129465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796666930384628,0.0,0.1237388248558573,0.14770229589690415,0.13273647519027054,0.09377109314253786,0.12602873671080414,0.0,0.11996788403551994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140998556830584,0.12134636108183433,0.1371542894890034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759596011882339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302538001133728,0.0,0.14521807419229965,0.0,0.21640870402446896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412626922668037,0.0,0.23180730697727264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752321257295587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227768793513553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649009465340748,0.0973265088874985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816340347944715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296019260268746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942379471345996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693123390681375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112148945957262,0.10104920010030087,0.12981800517882014,0.14693313586502335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435754864864465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911590025387939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167793740637255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rumptis,2018/01/12,"Seriously. Get help! These past few months have been running high with emotions. I’m 17 and living in Utah, which has one of the highest teen suicide rates in the nation. Barely a week before thanksgiving I attempted to kill myself, and thank god I was caught in time. 

One of the things that was going through my head at the time was about how I am mostly a financial burden on my parents, and they would be glad to have been rid of my useless ass (yes, I genuinely believed that). Now, at my school there have been 2 successful suicides, and the effect they had on their friends and families shocked me. There was so much grief, and these kids truly didn’t know how much they were loved. 

I know you’ve heard it before. “Think of what you’ll do to your loved ones”. That’s not the point I’m trying to make. As someone who’s been there, I know what it’s like to hear that and believe your absence would only do good. What I’m trying to say is you, as someone who is depressed, cannot even comprehend the amount of love granted to you and the joy you bring to people. 

The more that I see the effects the suicides had, the more guilty I felt about almost putting my loved ones through that. Nobody deserves to feel that kind of pain. As my parents were driving me to the hospital, the only thing I could think about was trying to figure out why the hell they’re willing to spend thousands of dollars on me to get better. It just didn’t make any sense. 

If you’re feeling that way please seek help immediately. You’ll be glad you did. ",4.477667606516292,5.461984075657898,4.45637218045113,88.89627192982458,70.08552631578948,7.106265664160402,26.97619047619048,7.07126945348624,1.114037468671679,1205,38,250,10,21,371,163,304,0.117,0.71,0.173,0.9471,2,0,0,0,0,4,33.0,0,8,4,5,12,23,2,0,17,1,34,7,2,6,0,33,60,15,5,4,3,2,3,1,1,5,1,3,0,1,21,10,0,0,11,0,2,6,4,9,0,5,19,7,31,14,38,33,7,25,1,3,1,5,27,12,2,3,7,169,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126890064621877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877309970211838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211144556437802,0.2278818395085398,0.0,0.08944286878411165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074552222374662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710468095947127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375967584297547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679660762562104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533807127684968,0.0,0.102270565018452,0.0,0.09710239851932137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813418661085485,0.0,0.10567439477836058,0.0,0.057475538995890224,0.08482456522682087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379041501343048,0.0,0.11398290147160145,0.0,0.13557304281394095,0.1068513112542439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118873653775204,0.10531321897924084,0.16673819614215327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940789467956797,0.0,0.08930124227718356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651016329125185,0.0,0.13501253880711753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807224469969581,0.0,0.14868703549258055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741181308362121,0.1538305994706167,0.10761137764078807,0.0,0.22458981680906606,0.0,0.09654175727380628,0.070112064334563,0.0,0.0,0.11101235959216403,0.09560225045287872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166540323970498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042407555023845,0.0,0.10235079229542028,0.08058896009729204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137731120957486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33186536190719107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310858443964147,0.0,0.0,0.13437496348605585,0.1296023624290395,0.0,0.0,0.11794154500284687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059855844000964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027372458226062,0.08112183891944966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125572973158516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368227439468348,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyNameIsntSlimShady,2018/01/12,"It's a rough time right now I've been putting an unloaded pistol to my head for the last few days. In a way I think I find it therapeutic, knowing that I have the option if I ever needed it. I realised that it's not therapeutic at all when I put bullets in the magazine today. 

It was a rough year over all but the last few months are where it got worse. My hours got cut back at my job, my grandpa (who has been my best friend as long as I can remember) says he won't live to see next christmas, I kissed my friend and she hasn't talked to me in over a month, and everything in my life just seems hopeless.

I'm exhausted from what I feel is a rat race and I just want to rest. When I sleep, which isn't often, I never feel well rested. 

I can't find anything that brings me joy in life either. It really just seems like there is nothing but misery in this world. I don't like this state of mind but I can't seem to find a safe way out.

Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place, I don't know where else to go.",2.62383333333333,3.0553525045454566,3.968181818181818,92.73560606060607,73.95454545454545,7.32121212121212,21.939393939393934,7.3011,0.3703575757575757,781,16,192,8,15,258,126,220,0.094,0.7340000000000001,0.171,0.9671,1,0,0,1,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,13,13,1,0,12,0,17,6,2,0,4,36,33,12,0,4,10,1,4,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,16,4,0,1,12,0,0,4,9,4,1,0,5,6,26,9,23,27,8,42,0,1,1,1,8,17,0,7,19,125,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195549945540837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526804751826268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002075942974775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990239453942967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034988527640681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207063834406,0.0,0.0,0.1113493515936744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529064804904658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397149257053253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914428237194718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041270893989958,0.0,0.19818121456509727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271526011024382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220121819001546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294723815486452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617953282654524,0.2019828551706095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502221355339792,0.12105823688419493,0.0,0.1094020602553096,0.10964368276160268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509920941385078,0.0,0.1977845276307789,0.0,0.0,0.0918669970208746,0.09555590331446356,0.0,0.13176434675662,0.0,0.0,0.1188811431498792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944450327519638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865771040984888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24909854079269225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937067617351183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034953147177295,0.10580614183120456,0.0,0.09852673193520384,0.0,0.0,0.09872873034745364,0.33836962761978057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398504824853522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869094976357166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958256797237684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938728007658928,0.0,0.0,0.07224450457786345,0.0,0.11743851585678425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307681859438613,0.1966850769311287,0.0,0.0,0.11139699880084283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626017291738173,0.0,0.1354603589096486,0.0,0.07978468651615014
suicidewatch,itsallephemeral,2018/01/12,"Being so ruthlessly bullied has made me want to end it all. I'm an adult. I'm a transgender man and I'm in my 20's. Lately, I've had to deal with bullies in a group of people I know. I'm so tired of it, I just want to end my life and end the pain deep inside my heart and soul. It's hard enough not to deal with family that is unaccepting of my trans identity.

I also deal with verbal assault from family a lot. My mom, the only accepting person in my life, is also lgbt and dealt with the same treatment.

I've lost my haven, my safe space, and my only good friends left me because they decided to act like sheep following the ringleader.

I can't handle this anymore; I can't handle fear anymore or emotionally aching. I just want it all to end. Bullying in our own community is another pathetic reason why so many of us die.

Please be kind to each other. If I go, I hope my mom gets my heart, as she may need it soon.",1.918685567010311,3.3386672989690718,4.162461340206189,86.81575386597942,77.04123711340206,7.73659793814433,22.949742268041238,8.472884824447931,1.2894649484536085,712,21,158,14,16,247,114,194,0.157,0.706,0.136,-0.8588,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,1,1,8,11,1,1,8,0,10,6,2,2,2,32,25,13,1,6,5,2,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,3,8,10,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,1,25,7,21,19,7,16,1,1,0,0,14,7,0,5,7,95,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820012902504209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932243843467298,0.0,0.0,0.2257052097885401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936747992079231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519483994660185,0.0,0.0,0.1180997188435965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800240547690395,0.4031491687978324,0.11757913580129907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454882613783105,0.12804935815197094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791659928756991,0.0,0.05945242296407871,0.0,0.06467148568277001,0.09544461437770582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101936651885183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26969176276821993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130226516199056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184984508611463,0.06253794833398148,0.0,0.12836405875578105,0.0,0.1236370037034567,0.0,0.1607514715510594,0.05559377100602686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421908065883094,0.0967431902262608,0.0,0.10767418984948886,0.0,0.11536877919534905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665472149146957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437646089750117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730902151600053,0.1210843393551648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889010601755925,0.09936012149886964,0.0,0.12491112479151364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169987015070979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078892345689674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687960600845486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013551175045573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268096170840492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadboysid,2018/01/12,"Ending it in a month. If my life doesn't get better in the next 30 days, I truly think that I'm gonna have to quit. Funny thing is the idea of me hanging myself puts a smile on my face because it means I can escape this shitty  life.",3.5405128205128165,2.845567923076924,5.012307692307694,89.999358974359,71.69230769230771,6.933333333333334,21.179487179487182,3.1291,-0.18205897435897445,180,2,43,0,3,61,44,52,0.12,0.701,0.18,0.3278,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711637143471898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25696755644911673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873804893477549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573407524892376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180020148380086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279951919492732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41044762439727817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164937492202989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319139606922625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090028517438089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920826512058591,0.0,0.3090353199935284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302827874571069,0.1861724854991404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jay2642,2018/01/12,"Hi everyone, my name is Jay and I don't think I'll be alive much longer. Hello, my name as Jay and as you can tell, I'm extremely suicidal. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, and for years I've put it off because my mind told me I could still live and I could be happy one day. Well, I woke up today and for the first time, my mind told me I can't do it anymore, and I'm starting to feel okay with that fact and I really feel like its time to go. My body is broken down, I'm super young but every time I try to get up and can't anymore, it just feels like life confirming that I can't live. I just don't feel like there's anything left for me. I thought a relationship would help, but I tried and in the end, all it did was make me feel worse off. I thought pain medications would also work, but as soon as the physical pain was gone everything else just got worse and worse. I don't know why I'm writing this, I guess I just wanna say bye.",2.5572308733920117,2.773737549763037,4.10112728503724,92.50337677725122,73.97630331753554,7.9243060257278275,23.12830060934327,7.957251820313856,0.7089238997968859,737,17,187,10,14,247,112,211,0.124,0.7709999999999999,0.105,-0.8369,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,9,9,0,0,4,1,21,5,1,1,2,42,44,20,1,5,7,0,5,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,9,11,0,0,10,0,0,3,6,2,1,2,11,6,26,7,21,27,2,24,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,17,107,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771969348415025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756759848443752,0.0,0.0,0.09026618250275696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686649383691144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184175127142599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515835706429278,0.0,0.0,0.07074149179228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091632588554121,0.0,0.09715349123810407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241923029873976,0.10481426051936256,0.09858301853461317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773148227190603,0.2350893892614209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330293882132716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730891591068795,0.0,0.062339809717300375,0.0,0.08772975355966517,0.0,0.12083678333826135,0.0,0.0,0.11676789676382328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352343135416986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060283195261268685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917937563237567,0.0,0.07747785629532053,0.16076815320045584,0.0,0.19371797283975814,0.09707290662395167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321946105879208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050194138892894,0.0,0.0,0.2215128782305672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063535951093685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432932520047099,0.0,0.2334374908958389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026955124768822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027073555731958,0.0,0.0,0.11776686903978617,0.12425829395841828,0.0,0.0,0.08723052717870383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763971312907575,0.0,0.08759921492724078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998393214741684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958745944050048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028543580353927,0.0,0.17416448594102324,0.19188476354526127,0.0,0.10397405301140993,0.20962852103872512,0.0,0.14894570641523544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706745170523641,0.0,0.0,0.09862520293389504,0.0,0.09897888608730036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985620913370288,0.0,0.3353528903963049,0.15584239490392576,0.0,0.0,0.0706372791311948
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAstroCat,2018/01/12,"Recently made an attempt at my life. How do you reach out to establish support system with friends without overwhelming friends and scaring them away? I recently made an attempt at my life. 

My doctor recommended me reach out to my close circle of friends without pushing them away. I know some people won’t take it well. I am worried about over burdening my very kind friends by relying on them too much. 

I worry because I only have one friend I open up to at the moment. I don’t want them to think I only come to them for talking about my mental health. 

They have been incredibly supportive over my mental health issues. But I fear that I will push them away if this is all they see me as. How do I expand my support system to lessen the burden on one person. How do you approach close friends about this stigmatized subject?

Any advice?",4.388096153846156,6.3436074250000045,4.771250000000002,82.77644230769229,71.625,7.423076923076922,29.80769230769231,8.139509932561175,2.189033653846154,668,28,121,10,13,211,94,160,0.091,0.687,0.223,0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,8,2,10,16,0,3,4,0,11,5,0,5,1,22,22,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,2,5,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,5,1,2,3,1,31,11,29,17,3,25,0,1,1,0,18,16,0,2,3,92,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058202236840394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736412537117058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052274694941676,0.0,0.0,0.06601288392794932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328267739867158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110839915821125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218569195015658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019898318985173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302154760668932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302714766265985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127678919757607,0.059513626978767976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297756592662914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049341796670852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826270841200796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960597785890737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676089130286993,0.16471961062256066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507499793198877,0.09455508799024144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21384760976400996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084176823312566,0.0,0.08629350840070417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368660329661382,0.0,0.0,0.08142097938198166,0.08703980225052728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938818007776495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935100392892471,0.0638725428462277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736616502616344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087763560607795,0.0,0.0,0.21994851940500948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaymygriefplz,2018/01/12,"The two reasons why I still haven't offed myself or will never do it. I won't even go into the details of my spiral into depression or how long it's been since I've enjoyed extended periods of happiness. I will go straight into the reasons why I haven't fucking slit my wrists yet. There are some close family members I have that I know would completely crush them. Of course I could kill myself and not be aware of the pain I put them through, but let's just say I love them too much to even do it. I live partly for them. I absolutely hate every day I live on this earth at this point and it's basically hell just living. I sometimes hope something else kills me like a disease or a plane crash so it wouldn't be by my hands. The second reason I will never off myself is because of the intense hatred I have for some people in this world. The people who have always doubted me, laughed at me during my difficult times, bullied me, treated me like an outcast.... FUCK all of them. To give them the satisfaction of doing it, I just can't do it. Even if I'm suffering every single day, every second I live is a fuck you to them. Maybe I might even overcome this, but I've wasted so many years of my life already that I feel so demotivated. Needed to get this off my chest. ",4.3547899159663865,4.936599046332045,5.432073586191233,83.2530297524415,70.11969111969114,7.947399500340677,27.204406086759032,7.928766900206844,1.5456616397910508,999,31,204,12,17,331,143,259,0.22,0.674,0.106,-0.9906,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,7,0,15,20,7,1,12,0,25,9,3,4,3,34,39,12,2,6,10,0,2,2,0,7,2,1,0,0,15,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,8,12,0,3,1,3,41,8,26,27,6,26,1,2,0,4,12,13,4,9,12,154,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766885097590107,0.0,0.08872469776863877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500065523193088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179952100902073,0.0,0.0,0.08513537442457167,0.0,0.0,0.13753505095685778,0.0,0.09184025842409564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907567833813776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28171242411389186,0.0,0.2695211090370945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052126943435703,0.0,0.053915329331400384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957331364200793,0.05570977138283894,0.1022892074088705,0.12120056686512168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350961242584505,0.0,0.10527504436015153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590764461578853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359405817798441,0.0,0.058601056622081274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903639426345337,0.07531591887327574,0.10418805890979213,0.0,0.3766249564541931,0.0943641901011682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623773357641527,0.0,0.0,0.10810607866349584,0.10712416199618346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311757406835925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838531530989128,0.07906479016898854,0.16447925130826907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346183262529125,0.0,0.0,0.11546989353899795,0.0,0.14784762509213764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079981111006864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071925963504622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289001820996064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479645181743542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820543372593043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208897960071249,0.1054597915505679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515485172530764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062176807564672976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104162011144719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243397045740304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075746889065063,0.0,0.0,0.06866622076113538
suicidewatch,too_much_math,2018/01/12,"God damn am I really supposed to live 80 years? Title says it all. No idea how I’m going to make it that long. I climb a ton by myself and my friend sometimes says that if I got hurt I’d probably die out there. Don’t think they realize that that would be a relief, and is maybe the reason I go out on my own all the time. ",1.9279166666666647,2.315679291666669,3.956555555555557,92.344,75.52777777777777,7.426666666666668,19.95555555555556,7.554174236665415,0.2436522222222224,247,4,62,3,5,85,55,72,0.159,0.731,0.11,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,3,2,14,11,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,2,8,2,6,8,4,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,1,3,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528205911465071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820643115086635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768894524176476,0.0,0.1948309076818497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26078115974713234,0.2749971969503425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151051778402035,0.21558025346551693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260633911798664,0.0,0.24473112067892835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626443392123269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560577869718122,0.2504636011671765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874444438336342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409287736006389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609043339104758,0.0,0.0,0.1420463834861328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304799125985948,0.0,0.0,0.15687180974408052
suicidewatch,BabyPoe00,2018/01/12,My cat stopped me from killing myself I tried to hang myself in the bathroom two nights ago. I was in this headspace and it felt like a bubble and time didn’t exist. Like I was in the zone to do it. Just as I was about to do it my cat started screaming at my bathroom door because he was hungry. I just remember being so pissed because it broke my concentration and opening the door to get him to shut up. I fed him and went back to my bathroom and just began fucking sobbing because I couldn’t get back into that mindset. I go to therapy. I take antidepressants. Nothing makes it better. I can’t feel happiness anymore and it’s driving me fucking crazy. I feel like I’m in a void and I can’t escape it. It’s almost like killing myself is the only chance I have of relief at this point. I just don’t know what to do anymore. No one takes me seriously when I tell them how I feel. It’s like I’m making this up to them or they just get uncomfortable and change the subject. I hope when I die the same people who disregard my fucking sadness are the same people who talk about “how I should have told someone” just so they can feel guilt. I feel so alone.,1.6735769090244832,3.7228832521008433,3.1212824260138845,91.11514979905006,79.92436974789916,5.483668249908661,24.213372305443922,6.498293943080001,0.6659548410668616,906,33,192,8,23,296,119,238,0.195,0.7040000000000001,0.101,-0.9743,0,1,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,4,1,17,21,6,1,9,0,19,5,1,4,0,37,45,17,3,3,7,0,6,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,16,10,1,2,8,0,0,4,6,12,0,2,10,7,38,9,23,32,2,26,0,3,0,3,12,12,5,3,15,134,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077029230867988,0.0,0.12166526867306325,0.12583794635423606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409918316320019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868528748510532,0.0,0.22219685656529276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745737923555518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853149111593185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260984076796788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071716906897356,0.17360006088532515,0.11665959963290284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33697595334627073,0.1904370969349412,0.0,0.0690515730835596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293396145058021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067747951101855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688447545675119,0.0,0.0667735349557665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967952027918307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220514593700858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402005290150564,0.0,0.1165830724035584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233192970282067,0.0924066574007476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846639175609954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485730972565147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763645903665614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294703744055426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599872777332468,0.0,0.0,0.10157991573560918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270661322103968,0.09765755463353046,0.10619685225918447,0.0,0.13894648900619594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084795859795548,0.0,0.0,0.11609900003341625,0.0,0.08249091053256613,0.0,0.1186884007414645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263224429962837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BellowsTachi,2018/01/12,"X-post Everyone hates me at work and they're forcing me to work more so they can goof off I used do a certain amount of work. Let's say 100%. It was fine if a little stressful at times. I worked 8 hours a day.

We hired another guy and now I do 55% of the work.

For the last year, this guy has been lazy, slow, and the quality of his work shit.

Yet, everyone loves him. When the director told me there had been complaints from clients I honestly reported that ""Arthur"" usually is on his cellphone, smoking outside, chatting with people, etc. Nothing was done and my supervisor never forgave me. She ranted at me in private about it. She chats with Arthur maybe a total of an hour a day. She's married but acts like she has a crush of Arthur.

Even though Arthur has been fine with the work for a year, recently he's been staying two - three hours overtime on a regular basis.

Either he's gaming the system, working slow to gain overtime pay or he's grossly incompetent and getting worse.

Now the director and my supervisor are pushing me to take 77% of the work. Even through it wasn't decided yet, today the front desk sent one of his clients to me. During the meeting, I could hear Arthur laughing and chatting with another employee. This is my future. Me working so he doesn't have too.

Nothing talks to me unless it's strictly about work. No one seems to notice this guy is a clown. Everyone loves him and fuck me.

I don't want to work to create a paradise for this guy. I have no friends. I was raped when I was 8. I've been bullied and abused my whole life. I don't know why people hate me. I don't know how to fix myself. I might as well kill myself instead. I don't see anyway out.
",1.97671761866452,4.127289879056047,3.2098739608474136,90.34623491552696,79.41297935103246,6.232984714400643,25.02198980960043,7.348242739294969,1.1400041297935104,1315,50,274,18,33,425,178,339,0.174,0.713,0.112,-0.9731,1,0,0,0,1,1,48.0,1,0,1,13,20,17,6,1,21,0,32,6,1,2,3,32,48,20,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,4,9,15,0,0,4,4,1,4,9,7,1,4,14,3,41,10,37,31,6,37,0,0,1,4,33,9,2,4,23,181,50,18,0.0,0.09107605904030183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120568649130335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137287593607455,0.0,0.0,0.09914705463256546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866269396577111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857281848737611,0.1015412322530564,0.0,0.0,0.22035212187420986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059388057803951226,0.07106326527749161,0.04016037881568585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044457830994737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178255291294165,0.0,0.0,0.08663586881593166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270986095177071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504309842842674,0.0,0.08448933013095088,0.06265771286290951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860277990057718,0.054294170622533965,0.03755384208215557,0.07704197104972778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875281627820354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722427896024138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154484415450511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059285371990372926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751391698087948,0.08751477416642361,0.0,0.0,0.10417554789615237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658124209299476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736183349973005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589791706659071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112855146742335,0.0,0.0,0.061253876545166425,0.06997777757266087,0.0,0.0,0.07890393947206567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193110409704589,0.0,0.0,0.08805208126553872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577952004928536,0.06178361965320196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552246001074964,0.0,0.044822372868621535,0.0,0.07286191493218735,0.0734507072914033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508890670235653,0.0,0.0,0.06638930718059159,0.08465928733611924,0.0,0.04533876216923818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911360034748858,0.0,0.06936145095146125,0.08582042267028395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6715301921799641,0.0,0.07833510080839537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900099638384766
suicidewatch,Thehype105,2018/01/12,"I’m about to lose my mother, and I don’t know what to do. My mother has been diagnosed with a lung disease that is incurable and has a very high chance of death after 2 years. She is my only parent left because my father died when I was 7 years old. I’m a 20 y/o college student, and she lives across the country. I’m depressed as it is, and I’m not sure how I’m gonna get through it when the time comes. I’m heavily contemplating suicide since I feel like I have no one to turn to. I can’t financially support myself, and if I want to, I would have to drop out of school. I just don’t know what to do. ",3.324552238805971,2.880631268656721,5.120111940298512,88.18748134328364,72.13432835820895,8.192537313432835,27.19776119402985,7.6454224807358475,1.2207492537313431,466,14,114,5,8,161,83,134,0.185,0.748,0.067,-0.9476,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,15,2,1,1,1,18,30,10,3,3,3,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,1,15,3,16,26,0,13,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,8,69,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457608225953908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603821862548275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601514242208974,0.20742130315359708,0.21209362523026296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333065840449,0.14599496905184384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676977082285484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591777343348115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246220449378521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220379572859195,0.0,0.0,0.09984007200308967,0.0,0.18045380230715236,0.0,0.0,0.2286267925817685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444165478055635,0.0,0.1384797616733782,0.15542514234851745,0.0,0.0,0.2269178197816497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068234345669025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904887079018172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235368918471464,0.23190553530859204,0.19260707176254446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916407713390588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228521612961685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861856887772406,0.12053694185550755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517162403061454,0.0,0.0,0.2632025395888233
suicidewatch,deargd,2018/01/12,"Please help me, I'm desperate Anyone from the UK willing to private message me to talk? I need someone to talk to over the phone.  My boyfriend beat me up and I've been in prison the past few days.  I've taken a lot of xanax.   Someone please just talk to me over the phone.  I'm desperate ",1.075499999999998,3.0939142166666684,2.273333333333337,96.57500000000002,81.83333333333334,5.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.3918333333333339,223,8,51,2,6,71,37,60,0.125,0.759,0.116,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,11,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936898957480853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621475193784198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235796418223986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059305922759685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960638393394546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123067601370295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317794844270359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41047203452088543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840725891685837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anodracs,2018/01/12,"Severe anxiety and passive suicidal thoughts Hey all, I've really struggling with passive suicidal ideation recently.
For the past year and a half, I've been trying to cope with severe anxiety issues. The anxiety problems appeared out of nowhere one day, and since then I've been bouncing from medication to medication with very little success. If I'm lucky, an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication might work for a bit, perhaps anywhere from two weeks to a month, but the medications always seem to stop working, and the anxiety and depression return. I'm terrified I'll never find a medication that works, and that my life will always be an unrelenting hell of anxiety.
I'm just so tired of fighting, and I realized that if I had no immediate family, no boyfriend, no dog, basically, if I had no one who cared about me, I'd kill myself in an instant. I don't like myself, so I couldn't live for just me, and non-exsistence would be so very preferable to going through life in a haze and trying to ward off panic attacks. The thing of it is, I can't help but think it would be so goddamn easy, just take some pills, go to sleep, and never wake up again. 
As it is, I occasionally self-harm when I'm in a severe anxiety attack. As an adult, it seems like an incredibly stupid, immature thing to do, but I often feel a compulsion to punish myself for being an awful human being, and the pain can help me focus in an anxiety attack. 
The other vastly discouraging thing is, I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I do work part time, but I'm on social security income and have Medicaid as my health insurance. It seems that mental health care is considered a non-essential service by a lot of Medicaid insurance policies, and the few mental health resources that do take my insurance in my area are underfunded and overworked. I pay out of pocket with the psychiatrist I currently see, and I'm not seeing any sort of therapist or psychologist because I haven't been able to find one who will take my insurance. I honestly lack the will to keep looking for help, so I just feel as though I'm stuck in a sort of limbo. 
So yeah, I'm not going to attempt to die, I just want to die, because I feel like I've run out of hope and options.   ",11.379252336448596,7.354383817757014,11.412126168224301,60.88795560747664,58.953271028037385,15.092523364485984,44.27336448598129,12.920253819902944,5.558043925233647,1766,75,319,47,16,601,207,428,0.302,0.629,0.069,-0.9989,2,0,0,0,2,2,54.0,0,0,0,6,16,24,8,2,27,2,31,15,2,0,3,73,63,38,5,11,15,0,3,3,0,6,13,0,0,2,16,24,0,4,12,0,1,5,12,14,0,5,7,6,28,10,53,44,7,35,1,2,3,0,10,15,1,17,18,215,44,7,0.06913469810817015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505121418238402,0.0,0.0,0.04701396544337064,0.0,0.4231028385820805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359520991213505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428774056334455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547718460429748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097486461475006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458616090889535,0.0,0.05954561417650145,0.0,0.14350180335020735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517404054581757,0.0,0.1048697418862318,0.04938984214224261,0.0,0.0,0.12637572318041632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787252643384866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046085361426135,0.0,0.0,0.13901859253504534,0.0,0.0,0.06866635452518735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215866306646496,0.0,0.061450096226040564,0.0764873002989932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976637636594482,0.10132716410149048,0.06929112984125645,0.06104720503589948,0.0,0.05805573439221438,0.0,0.0,0.058775848051366125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482296750242677,0.1393430300770056,0.07334098942701961,0.0,0.0,0.055182656446447896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066418823999346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054238197443866,0.0,0.07356419314573487,0.0811146723270912,0.0,0.07486614092399943,0.065996892098397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615256924459538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044289457903213474,0.0,0.068262173909693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018280698534688,0.18881289792002046,0.07212256784422716,0.2343075913583557,0.0,0.057188936693335975,0.0,0.06918462636033289,0.07047411838345129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057799703265290076,0.0,0.07227459721492778,0.0,0.15124427742955415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594206717401676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027071305997671,0.13779006436712266,0.0442987230109564,0.06792448987524237,0.054885227877170616,0.04031299843338885,0.07946016535040452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387584378935436,0.0,0.06753455438714874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408673262109882,0.04077743616246211,0.0,0.055455684681669365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132353445211346,0.0,0.0,0.09822261192930462,0.0,0.0,0.0445204789115477
suicidewatch,Audiblethread,2018/01/12,"What would happen? Im not necessarily suicidal. Maybe I am I don’t know anymore. What if I did though? What would happen? What would change? Things linger in my head all the time just wondering,”look at this person, how would my death influence them?”. My mind wanders and I can control it but why would I? Honestly, it thinks by itself. The thing can make a suicide out of anything. I can’t name the number of times I have sat in rooms and look and analyze and think of how many different ways I could kill myself in an instant with things just in the room. I would never do it but i gotta know, why does this happen? Is this everyone. I mean I’ve had a rough past but presently i’m doing great, does my mind miss the worst of the worst days of my life, the stress and anxiety I lived with everyday? Any incite would be nice.",0.18407684630738785,2.586318592814372,1.6794386227544926,95.41540543912176,93.61077844311376,5.178542914171657,17.137974051896208,6.816661863887847,0.02609800399201534,643,17,140,10,24,206,101,167,0.189,0.7190000000000001,0.092,-0.9685,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,1,1,10,0,20,2,1,5,2,38,34,12,4,9,7,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,1,14,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,19,3,14,21,3,16,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,1,7,96,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561576074978663,0.0,0.08506313686013882,0.0,0.11027460974303016,0.0,0.0,0.09150322123169156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762855136221112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247135717778326,0.08877939363694749,0.0,0.0,0.07171095746219207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617410619029048,0.0,0.0,0.19461330885410885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625067109984912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259182253088932,0.0,0.0,0.29498556916509844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411716534182738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010864505665365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301973137688806,0.0,0.1222186736960246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853963941514186,0.0,0.0,0.09818637519521674,0.0,0.1867499786735755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422288566953902,0.11273330477587308,0.11170935947798473,0.1211229080807098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454856669917625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575969915974617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614729381108948,0.0,0.09709034747202573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737239805037145,0.0,0.0,0.24325646622306255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161713955892706,0.1424973030514651,0.10924758052252052,0.0,0.12967627877794724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826065393006441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067065338973475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5529233938975159,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,olivia4daze,2018/01/12,"Floating Things are getting too hard
I’m too tired
",0.8520000000000003,2.9771142000000026,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,107.0,2.0,25.0,3.1291,-0.060999999999999936,42,2,8,0,2,12,9,10,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101419522243538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317669262695445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943747545756057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6822788715398846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lost-and-Uncertain,2018/01/12,"I don't even know why I don't even know I'm not sure why but the thought of giving up and letting go of life is seeming overwhelmingly better every day. I know it's probably the worst idea, that maybe my head isn't where it should be and I'm romanticizing the idea of being free of it all but I just can't shake the feeling. I know it's unhealthy, I know that life is gonna be filled with highs and lows and you just have to wait out the lows but I just can't shake this feeling of disgust in who I am and paranoia that everyone thinks the same as me and is avoiding me. I have no reason to think this, or maybe I'm oblivious and have every reason to think this, but it's all culminating in this grand idea that the world is better off without me, as if my one life is significant enough to make a difference being here or not being here. I realize it seems like I'm rambling, this is my first ever Reddit post so maybe I'm breaking some community rules but I'm probably just gonna post a couple comments and see if I feel better afterwards, feel free to ignore all this. The point I was trying to iterate was that I've got all these feelings about wanting to give up, and even though I know I shouldn't, I know life isn't that bad, I don't know why I have them, just that I can't shake them.",5.850729813664597,4.449579880434786,6.54929606625259,83.22065217391305,67.22463768115942,9.769772256728778,29.859213250517602,8.634040054169528,1.8878952380952376,1021,28,233,13,14,338,120,276,0.13,0.713,0.157,0.8646,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,4,15,20,1,5,10,0,29,5,1,3,6,68,64,22,0,5,17,0,5,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,21,11,0,3,25,0,2,5,13,11,0,2,4,6,27,11,23,50,8,24,0,3,1,0,7,12,0,7,5,155,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730694561911956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456591551415579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244663967059622,0.0,0.059711471413313226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673454470895998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956679476964863,0.0,0.18346010608446728,0.08375096586687186,0.1560184295866143,0.08847161067914781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340758682033089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875513539587396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776373089359208,0.05261978043629188,0.0,0.07405092173001081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502179439828902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782409414081758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135610691799786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070706680730545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467729853265172,0.2615900051939324,0.04523372229783178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180307546732928,0.0,0.2790506692893896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273988948254837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752539803768651,0.0,0.17734703756870568,0.0,0.1996506163960584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903913577873769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737804892305893,0.16857691156161425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726290578432155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779795711579604,0.09096704342266516,0.07350437105579567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628610385886616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461068331714742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506382652125955,0.0,0.0,0.08925133521294124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ag_Pb_Au,2018/01/12,Can you restart your life at 30 and be successful? YES / NO and why? I have a .45 .,-3.479999999999997,-2.7762517777777767,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,122.33333333333334,4.022222222222221,15.611111111111107,5.985473137389443,-0.6948222222222222,60,2,17,1,4,20,17,18,0.125,0.5529999999999999,0.32299999999999995,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6163877884812375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7874427561487941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmAnonRN667,2018/01/12,"I tried to self harm for the first time I burned myself with a lighter to prove to myself that self harm and suicide aren’t what I want... but it was so distracting from the pain within...

I don’t know what to do. I want this pain to stop but I just don’t care enough to do anything about it. I need help.",0.7690909090909095,2.3561877272727294,1.7515151515151537,102.09727272727275,80.81818181818181,5.006060606060606,17.060606060606062,5.46131890053228,-0.9292848484848486,234,4,60,1,6,73,41,66,0.295,0.584,0.121,-0.9253,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,11,11,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,9,1,11,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516372984441788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418019835010577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24505125541054576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172947432732727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896437288240867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303377733268957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585226774394302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047131732569148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494822392845173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827765656683455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594162184556129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829079401787994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101710963250915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797680273888896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheREALAmerican92,2018/01/12,"Well it's been interesting to say the least, goodbye After running dry of nearly all hope, I've finally broken. I've tried everything, meds, therapy, exercise, meditation, reaching out. None of it works. I'm giving myself roughly 3 hours before I go through with this",3.5687499999999983,6.7151217083333385,5.23,71.81500000000003,81.91666666666666,8.200000000000001,30.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.673641666666666,214,11,32,6,6,72,42,48,0.061,0.706,0.233,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,3,8,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576819123107085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721597331031284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33173016759735985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904974931493113,0.17210252056142175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30077371841642325,0.2982217892247058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363704926037157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408187266761945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34630696902717817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055984098853424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722761922562395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046032762554696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmTheNight2014,2018/01/12,Has /u/chubbylittlemonkey responded to anybody? It's been 4 days since they said anything. I hope they didn't do it.,2.361212121212123,5.287566636363636,3.360909090909089,84.0280303030303,87.18181818181819,6.56969696969697,25.51515151515152,7.793537801064563,1.7929515151515152,94,4,18,2,3,30,20,22,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296330865530617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367029005038596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518550156917507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966242593293866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318757315913276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FezCow,2018/01/12,"I'm not strong enough to live and I never will be I'm 17 and I know I haven't ""really lived"" yet, but that's the point, I can't do it. I've been through years of therapy and there's no more help for me, because I am the problem, I'm a weak and sensitive little bitch. And that will never change.

I have nothing left worth living for, nothing that I actually care about, and I'm worth nothing to anyone. It's as simple as that. Life just wasn't for me.",0.17151515151515184,1.9979338787878795,2.4548383838383856,95.09559090909092,83.94949494949495,5.576161616161617,18.990909090909085,6.742157984588678,-0.03335636363636363,350,9,84,4,10,119,60,99,0.244,0.715,0.04,-0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,2,13,16,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,10,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.17787138235529676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744896618120405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111144647556576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583866431050028,0.0,0.19281982809719825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883359157511124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217321918409288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017203892857683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803928779137125,0.0,0.1287442512507953,0.0,0.18268463748419508,0.4828490983026118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281159127748334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.524685299720551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230615256016132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744098870776601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676824407332193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844415553164813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737732620627975
suicidewatch,fellowwritingmachine,2018/01/12,"I’m doing it now I’m going to kill myself in a few minutes...

I tried my best to solve my problems, but it’s all going worse. I don’t see a way out of my problems, I will be leaving my parents and my little brother, I decided to not leave any note because they would know the name of those who caused me to do it. 

I’ve been holding on for a year, I can’t wait anymore.",2.8726506024096388,2.3941548192771123,4.958698795180722,89.07756626506027,73.09638554216869,7.121927710843375,28.648192771084343,5.6839178017228535,1.0172669879518073,282,10,68,1,5,99,59,83,0.156,0.779,0.066,-0.8473,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,14,15,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,13,1,10,11,3,9,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488906447826951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171353906248462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346732105451978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977009812388424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491763713690946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488638754802974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24223107648560546,0.0,0.12032687994306973,0.0,0.0,0.4636639554577933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944120013047894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311338867353105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190031024174564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447144716792662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486498190431567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378897656103634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231244644901524,0.15553280694871452,0.0,0.0,0.1409939099725402
suicidewatch,Im_Just_Shannon,2018/01/12,"I feel unloved. I need help. Im new here. Lately, life has been awful. My grades are slipping, people who were once close with me are now causing me great emotional pain. My great grandmother also recently died. And I have attempted suicide. I feel unloved, not wanted, not cared for. I feel like nothing matters anymore. I just want to pull myself out of this depression but I don't know how. I also can't talk to my parents, we aren't close. My only friend that understood me has now turned against me and is repeatedly telling me to ""Get over suicidal thoughts."" But I can't and I need help. I don't want to be sent to some therapist either, my close friends and family would never view me the same again. Guess I just need some positivity?? Don't know. It's getting harder and harder to act like everything is ok. And people around me are starting to notice. It's almost like they want me to get mental help or like they want to run away from me because I'm emotionally unstable. I'm also seeing myself as unsuccessful in life and I feel like an awful Christian as I've been praying, but there is never an answer. I get upset with God and my faith and then only end up feeling more guilty for being such an awful person. Anyways, just wondering if anyone here had some advice...?",2.228029629629632,4.758367800000002,3.597111111111116,85.76485185185187,81.0,6.263703703703705,23.259259259259267,7.526774132740827,1.2290681481481478,1010,35,191,16,27,330,140,250,0.153,0.628,0.219,0.9389,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,0,2,1,16,17,0,1,4,4,22,3,0,2,2,59,52,21,3,10,11,1,5,5,2,1,3,0,0,1,5,17,0,0,11,0,0,4,10,5,0,0,7,7,34,12,24,42,6,25,3,1,2,0,14,9,0,8,17,129,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702143571087928,0.0,0.0,0.09942090032885084,0.0,0.0,0.2381976852760368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846534320791392,0.06942329838809917,0.0,0.0,0.08838586825742129,0.0,0.0,0.09328275912281753,0.0,0.0,0.06052401470278946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122901292216484,0.10199439285538864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855151556754981,0.0,0.10304351733473632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336747651558808,0.08793820334686689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923213587042612,0.0,0.09359829939374843,0.0,0.2510107147009508,0.14186032331660486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534167178619152,0.0,0.20749200205647364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892702061003,0.10937506711867584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996485676877021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072462553737435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913032183871067,0.0,0.11199928537573844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025771786377206,0.2425313862918438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005725084982957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085862852856708,0.15315145038099895,0.0958913395344432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095267894838682,0.11303812511735448,0.0,0.10573668271116086,0.0,0.1510234296995562,0.1056476369586678,0.0,0.110245700552506,0.0,0.0,0.1376652558796557,0.08669297863112924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980332558386636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911833660986597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702753631797361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720622262924916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980257728004475,0.08678061355430736,0.0,0.0,0.11527906158059308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788222419251432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799499747642362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928081983623864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107671770893713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053014790552982,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway299496,2018/01/12,"how do i let go of the rage im angry, and i want to die so that my father can suffer. ive tried too hard for too long to stay afloat, to do whats right and become better than hell ever be. 

but he doesnt deserve to see that. he doesnt deserve to see me succeed, to get into a good college, to accomplish more than he could ever fathom and then try to take credit for it. not after all the pain and terror hes inflicted for almost a decade and a half on my mom and on me for the entirety of my existence. 

any love for my mom and consideration for what shell go through has been eclipsed by how much i hate my father. i want to be rid of him, but i want to haunt him, i want him to live the rest of his days knowing his only child committed suicide just to spite him.

i want him to experience the irreversible damage hes done to me, and yknow what? i can do it in a completely legal way. i cant hurt him physically, it seems the years of abuse has made me completely petrified of any and all sorts of confrontation, but i can hurt myself. and it scares me that im okay with that. 

how do i let go of the anger in a healthy way? how can i block the negativity out, when i cant leave it behind? how do i cope until then? ",4.135069708491764,3.482431885931561,5.7400152091254775,85.1382864385298,70.4448669201521,9.14261089987326,26.278580481622306,8.648137234880735,1.4482083143219269,938,23,223,14,15,323,130,263,0.246,0.602,0.152,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,1,4,24.0,0,0,0,3,12,19,6,2,13,1,25,2,0,6,5,41,42,23,2,6,5,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,13,0,1,3,0,1,3,6,13,0,1,3,3,36,6,42,34,5,23,1,4,2,1,19,7,1,3,10,160,48,5,0.0,0.14054940374152275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878426099065505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133604239847735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101029281712234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491281135282604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487488837433228,0.0,0.0,0.09471118106791043,0.0,0.0,0.07650231882106849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311242420857972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139298570987407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460342345177325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603650683994028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197586232931517,0.0,0.20224933956330007,0.09949573096997724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626332096447176,0.11711610897019648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25397773669304946,0.0,0.2562673873692215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065192351851605,0.0,0.0,0.12560511724152096,0.0,0.2426010515576577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474668927729458,0.10497803005396752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706230485186534,0.11224438692035192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778607274895539,0.0,0.0,0.08720189276853252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902184874095843,0.1262237259976081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130378748040683,0.0,0.0,0.11876277841369665,0.0,0.18905508024826484,0.10799034363841084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643682598989922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975481288263885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919007974200785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107508663606854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34983595340051593,0.18831556362564786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763896196112809
suicidewatch,compact_diss,2018/01/12,"""It's selfish to kill yourself, think about everyone who has it worse than you."" All that does is remind me how much utterly pointless suffering exists on this monstrosity of a planet. I cannot and will not feel better ever by being reminded that someone somewhere is starving to death while being raped with a pool cue.",8.99960451977401,8.406648847457634,8.680000000000003,67.85977401129946,60.52542372881357,11.256497175141243,38.31073446327685,10.504223727775694,4.19885988700565,258,11,41,5,3,83,52,59,0.378,0.622,0.0,-0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,2,8,9,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,8,6,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236702346908366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320262328315688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310403159462248,0.0,0.3496994888160613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504514798929925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048909689837057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690296517072201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100847238798601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449844372246734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729541309979553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onyx-Leviathan,2018/01/12,"Apathy I used to be happy.

I used to be afraid of death.

I used to love music, games, people.

I used to care.

Now? The apathy is what will do me in.

I feel that I'll be taking drastic steps soon.

But it's always ""soon"".

I know what it feels like to fall. I can imagine with near certainty what it would feel like to lodge a bullet inside my own cranium.

I have thought these options over so many times.

Carbon dioxide inhalation, overdose, leaping, hanging, cutting, etc.

I think what will do me in in the end is disillusion. Desensitization.

Being Jaded. 

",0.9326479750778808,3.5158985887850487,2.9620934579439258,86.53111526479753,91.14953271028035,5.4701557632398785,20.217445482866047,7.03164865440522,0.7746092211838009,427,14,82,7,15,143,72,107,0.125,0.7190000000000001,0.157,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,3,0,13,1,0,4,0,15,26,2,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,7,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,4,12,5,13,18,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,7,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953975837847642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548768779112416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698212354792273,0.0,0.21383638575340666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908425330517607,0.2739525536595672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410659709741905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537312213324768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734510415279296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730492765578123,0.0,0.0,0.19439026677997892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292563951887945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416165238403364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228567228232722,0.0,0.15221701146396324,0.11180283624611262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6623935650136697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362037931182779,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MimiJKS,2018/01/12,"I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die or hurt myself...I don't think Not sure where to begin here, aha. I'm new to Reddit and I'm posting now for the first time cause I feel like I need to talk about it and see anyone else out there gets it at all? I feel very alone and I don't know what to do.
 
It's 2am where I am and it's another sleepless night for me, I've always suffered from insomnia and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I am so aware that mentally I'm not doing great, and feel low and it doesn't make sense, I have a roof over my head, a loving family however small and broken, and a loving supportive boyfriend, and yet it feels like there is this constant shadow over me, my brain feels clouded and to be frank all over the shop. More and more recently I've been seriously questioning is me being here worth it? I struggle a lot of days especially recently to get out of bed, I feel completely worthless and useless in life, my brain works (as many of you experience) constantly working over drive on negativity and it's exhausting. I just want this to stop, just all of it to stop. I don't want to die, I just want my brain stop this shit.

Tonight of all nights it really feels like too much, and these thoughts scare me, the realisation that your brain is almost planning of to off yourself, when deep down you know you don't want to die!

Does this make sense to anyone? Or am I rambling on with sleep deprived nonsense?",2.8204292929292905,4.357632259259262,4.0557786195286205,88.02589015151518,74.89225589225589,7.77828282828283,24.83291245791245,8.472884824447931,1.4365579124579124,1139,37,249,21,24,373,152,297,0.247,0.637,0.116,-0.991,1,1,0,0,0,5,33.0,0,4,0,4,15,19,1,2,7,0,20,12,7,3,5,59,50,23,4,6,8,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,18,18,0,3,14,1,2,1,9,11,0,1,3,8,28,8,40,45,8,38,0,6,1,2,8,17,1,5,22,157,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934493744520965,0.09240914492586058,0.0,0.0,0.07424150713091614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355913292926296,0.06825610801009692,0.0,0.0,0.12477497651316102,0.0914205215934394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984139232220175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165761544388706,0.0,0.0,0.09354965578883104,0.19283887122589394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754209212969364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778012444049893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808051477803639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453519453824009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727818280395508,0.08411243688854167,0.0,0.31580031100499123,0.1912249085065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589388017702547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323170421308948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836976378594084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156955469658827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551612649718642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807034281327856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302154269020499,0.13077100367269562,0.0,0.0,0.07896042329236654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585504548111538,0.16105626873382498,0.0,0.11911541210644375,0.09045912143786662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991679605141835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558989877557389,0.06615845791260799,0.0,0.08617308537645599,0.0,0.1674613405302897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545191847701998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995128848911476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057159172601748874,0.0,0.17619585180750838,0.0,0.10107338731034908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932877907979571,0.0,0.07109996803284048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158714338662936,0.0,0.0,0.08928842633747491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378575207380494,0.0,0.09327628678494604,0.0,0.09759656324440392,0.10125032631727217,0.08409255450078666,0.0,0.0,0.07171486328798686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717112998207648,0.0,0.14166776303170295,0.05202722599548723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361913590938099,0.2631331046047703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991225451088154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garganchua,2018/01/12,"I didn't think this through very well.... Today I tried to kill myself. 


It's not exactly something I tried to do out of the blue, I've wanted to do this for a very long time, I never felt ready until today. So a few weeks back, I marked my calandar and finally decided to do it. I spent most my life thinking about it, and I was as tired being talked out of it as much as people were tired to do it. 


But I couldn't. I failed. I guess I can't even do that properly. 


You know something? Thank God. I thought I was done thinking. I thought everything there was to think. I was wrong. There was so much I didn't think about. 


My parents left without their first born, my brother with noone to look up to, my dear friends who I promised that I would always be there for them. I'm ashamed of myself for trying to break my promises. 


My friends are some of the most important things I have in the world. Some of the most wholesome people you could ever meet,and I'd die for them, assuming I didn't want to die in the first place, I suppose. 


I am not the most attractive person, I don't exactly have a voice people like listening to, and my personality never had much to go on. But my God I spent my life trying to be friends with everyone and not to make any enemies. And my friends aren't exactly shallow like me, they can look past all my faults and see things I never really saw in myself. 


What I'm trying to say is that I was wrong. I made a mistake. I'm not one to admit mistakes, and I am here to tell you this was a big fucking mistake I'm one hundred percent responsible for. 


I am not here to say that you shouldn't kill yourself because I found out I shouldn't. My reasons are different than yours, and what gives me strength, might be your source of weakness. But to anyone who can take anything from this, it's that no matter how much you think you have thunk, you haven't thought of everything. There is always something missing. Suicide rates are going up, but I think with some deep self reflection, we can at least turn some of the numbers back if just even by a little.",3.415572884966527,4.51531107311321,4.1880614729154,89.39723067559345,72.70283018867924,7.357760194765674,26.88496652465003,7.717688229018142,1.3229022519780886,1621,56,352,20,31,519,190,424,0.108,0.8170000000000001,0.075,-0.9095,2,0,3,0,0,3,51.0,1,9,4,4,18,26,3,1,13,0,46,6,0,4,8,77,84,20,5,11,12,2,1,2,4,4,5,4,0,3,21,15,0,0,18,0,2,2,20,13,1,4,22,10,64,13,56,52,16,37,0,2,5,1,32,16,1,12,20,257,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149613781228833,0.0,0.0,0.05373393860271144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525018329088841,0.0,0.06502385776272059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215176425842326,0.0,0.04816773307335076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308825619911718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401333131293475,0.08255543854025912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086132700371435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437932356025448,0.07147496001673398,0.0,0.07550366459008732,0.14202989419251327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758682441654221,0.08655872797035774,0.0,0.13442281161223366,0.0,0.08663752831976135,0.24419184851667525,0.07304949324587526,0.0,0.07579983957353605,0.08981381083417367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704559774699465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748401292847248,0.0,0.04342540922267678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585167284694636,0.0,0.1116234002108942,0.07720695419285753,0.07919530466085359,0.0,0.0699271277229089,0.1327079406277334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476733537792668,0.05274413616865364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382403368378874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234491598555665,0.0,0.1828272186992369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708726868529778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773848699189023,0.0,0.07543020280339041,0.1643403035451688,0.1379883431244186,0.08255543854025912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062000172236533,0.0812421358042347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567420565640805,0.0,0.0,0.06296593075898348,0.0,0.08243145618251736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182492316895683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643124059807518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941058423871711,0.06351048025922644,0.06906391537560759,0.07274778919861544,0.0,0.0,0.10499012068637224,0.35441413801214044,0.0,0.1881908558745224,0.046075164310913665,0.1816357163678479,0.14979683080806028,0.0,0.0,0.2682351285880624,0.0859472762546569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039379742238927,0.09321197352599377,0.0,0.06338228072774342,0.0,0.07104533491484671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616909906358986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613106391934264,0.17278430604090045,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedClaymore,2018/01/12,"I can’t bring myself to pull the trigger but I want to kill myself I’m just a complete fuck up. I’ve been wanting to kill myself ever since I was about 11 and my dad died of Liver Cancer but instead I just distanced myself from my friends and people around me and never really mentioned it. I loved my dad with all my heart even though I didn’t really show it and he wasn’t really around. He wasn’t a deadbeat dad or anything it’s just that my mom and dad weren’t married and he lived in New York and we lived in a different state but I’d see him. I’m 15 now and it’s only gotten worse. As I’ve grown within these past four years I’ve been through it all, especially rejection. All the girls I’ve liked and actually confessed to have given me the worst rejections ever from calling me a “short ugly fuck” to being lead on on purpose for the girls fun and having them tell me their dating someone. The worst part is some of the girls that have lead me on and rejected me have tried talking to my younger cousin when they know me and him are related. This just made my self confidence and image shattered to the point where I don’t even try to fall in love anymore in fear of getting hurt again and being laughed at. Along with that I’m always being compared to him by people because of my bad grades and being ugly to him who is an honor student with all A’s and good looks and being apart of the football team. I was also suspended for 10 days recently for having weed edibles on my person in school. I’ve never really liked school because it’s a place where they force me to talk to people when I just want to be alone.

As I grew over the years I started getting more involved in crime from smoking and selling weed to making guns with my friend. I honestly feel like he’s the only one that would understand what I’m going through because he’s tried to kill himself in the past for his own reasons but that was before I knew him. I honestly don’t care about my life anymore so I don’t really care about anyone else’s life. That’s not me saying I’d kill someone for no reason but if I really had a hate towards you and I had the chance to kill the person I’d take it in an instant. The only person I really live for is probably my mom who recently had knee replacement surgery so I help her around the house doing things for her and helping her go to the bathroom and other things. I have an older brother and sister but I don’t talk to them either because of the fact that they’ve tried to take advantage of my mom not being able to walk or have just been complete assholes to me. They’ve taken money from her and have even made her cry. I wanna kill myself but it would destroy my mom as I’m the youngest out of my siblings and I was the only one who really has always helped her. I don’t have the courage to call a suicide hotline or any of those other things in fear that they’ll tell my mom or try and get my school involved. I definitely don’t wanna talk to a doctor or anything because they all claim they know what’s wrong and prescribe you some drugs just so they can get a paycheck when they don’t know what’s wrong with me at all. My friend would let me borrow his glock without me telling him what my intentions are. He doesn’t know about what I’m going through but I’m too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. I’m writing this as one of my last attempts to get help before I actually go through with killing myself. What should I do?",5.124584578601316,4.960375264993028,5.764370392508472,84.14097280334731,68.31659693165969,8.446423590356645,29.06584977087069,7.8761006319780495,1.6998310021916714,2743,86,574,29,42,893,277,717,0.205,0.677,0.118,-0.9982,2,2,1,1,0,6,27.0,1,2,10,6,33,40,11,2,35,0,54,12,3,10,11,104,100,52,9,10,25,12,1,3,3,5,5,1,0,7,34,38,0,0,10,2,3,13,19,22,0,4,20,4,94,18,93,67,15,64,1,4,2,4,81,29,2,8,24,399,128,9,0.052357036368499914,0.0,0.10218582980472224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542260996217643,0.0,0.04186990306781314,0.08713049698665401,0.0,0.0,0.03560458012985898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384822264439693,0.03660925719058622,0.053645971027832584,0.08617075964532088,0.13982658811284124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043715938412827296,0.15958181704897734,0.0,0.08910396334330127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692477599967436,0.0,0.10676297598248352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979071299613953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057511745953771315,0.0337659570681332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054338337640504025,0.05470195937794114,0.0,0.05358964528075057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060717539928540225,0.0,0.043737585577713865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374398619127173,0.09471987378441894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783244407425435,0.026473290740836482,0.037403877243086865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213527492631765,0.09680647290526796,0.1367719527277828,0.0,0.11902284134638035,0.04391459804313235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051691733903174136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204334018597385,0.14037527135538086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060412990378985586,0.05604929030646191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40547712381008455,0.0,0.11509623173334205,0.0426779726408838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353861698453434,0.07396264633718018,0.07673700994076868,0.0,0.1386966670162751,0.0,0.04396672409297647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450853895549888,0.09908298750410607,0.034948728335024014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065996410277664,0.0,0.0,0.03848844600866308,0.0,0.08076194831259167,0.050566751982041316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643544856214096,0.1592795418266456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669756823113761,0.0999614310717699,0.10889332995672224,0.1371484339558144,0.05470195937794114,0.0,0.04949432265795519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056449740579936375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683300654095899,0.10766350687782257,0.10339251402792474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416364167777957,0.0,0.15896434804106682,0.04172177929734437,0.0,0.05461980757768799,0.0,0.0,0.04331028152670821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887238940200501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037058579821811516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727009989626936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873195087107952,0.16833041033484564,0.13728707254758385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435106550982133,0.0,0.051440522400857815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777349544404098,0.0,0.0,0.05450552132966832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264460972253404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047031469403408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335629304625613,0.11157880931826716,0.11448840024737902,0.0,0.06743242965689522
suicidewatch,jenbrady,2018/01/12,Been wanting to do it for years I want to die. I haven't committed suicide because I've always hoped that thing would get better. I'm finally at a point where I'm certain that things will either remain the same or get worse. I have no friends and no one loves me. The end. ,1.085789473684212,3.2631308245614083,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,82.85964912280701,5.203508771929825,21.780701754385966,6.42735559955562,0.2888385964912281,215,7,47,2,6,69,45,57,0.19,0.532,0.278,0.7249,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,2,10,14,2,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,5,4,11,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761951817931465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521042625108092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067898267272132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25896098082200564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099947652653465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733355016262785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277750197013951,0.0,0.2607264083907231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478283352846574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252003374292378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690803053038613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358757904119425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729329214859395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315382281662066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943451473781818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542808370711998,0.17725090089660675,0.0,0.0,0.16068183976007366
suicidewatch,Mastermindingmyself,2018/01/12,"I Shouldn't Have Kept Going I'm a high school junior, and I have clinical depression and severe anxiety along with a few disassociative episodes.

So, to kinda make a long story short, 2017 was the worst year for me by far. I lost my mother. We didn't have the best relationship. She had schizophrenia and lost all grip on reality. By the time we found her, someone ran her over on a freeway. I was also in an abusive relationship. He didn't hit me since it was LDR, but he emotionally manipulated me. Every time I didn't want to call he'd threaten to kill himself. He would get mad at me at the smallest things and blamed it on me being ""smarter."" Aside from that, the entire year was just disappointment after disappointment. I was even struggling with symptoms beforehand for years. Close call after close call, friend after friend either dropping me or relentlessly forcing me to keep going. I only started going to therapy this year, but even then, I can't see her often because my school only allows a certain amount of absences. The therapy sessions are an hour, class periods an hour and thirty.

Which, brings me to the title. With the limited resources, constant crying myself to sleep, wishing I hadn't lived this long, not wanting to tell my friends how deep I've fallen, I actually planned to kill myself December 21st. But a bit of an event involving a falling out prevented me from doing so. Long story short, my family snapped, making me snap, making me rant to a few friends who forced me to seek guidance.

I know that I probably sound pretentious as hell. I see people with more reasons than I. But it's the truth. I didn't kill myself on the 21st, so here I am almost a month later and in midterms. And I just got a truth bomb. I'm constantly worried about the future. And I was just told the chances of me actually being able to live my dreams out, working after college and finally finding peace up north, are next to zero.

Nothing feels real. And I honest to God don't want to keep going. I wish I did it. I wish I wasn't here right now honestly. I tried to find a suicide chat because it helped me tons more times in the midst of panic attacks and depressive episodes. But it's taking far too long. I've wanted to die for years now, honestly. I can't find too many reasons to keep going on. If anything, the trauma I'm carrying, I'm trying to cope with it, but I can't. I really can't.

I'm kind of rambling at this point. But right now, nothing feels real and I feel like hurting myself. I don't even know if I want to keep living, honestly. It seems pointless, honestly.",3.8086628919860672,5.6266902718254,4.937479674796748,81.55792682926831,72.86904761904762,7.615485869144408,27.768873403019747,8.331364938255728,2.0080151567944258,2043,78,383,34,41,672,246,504,0.222,0.6509999999999999,0.126,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,1,4,70.0,2,0,0,6,20,32,6,2,29,0,32,3,1,8,4,83,77,29,5,12,15,1,4,1,4,2,2,1,0,0,16,24,0,7,12,2,0,9,14,17,0,1,21,7,61,15,60,50,11,69,1,7,2,0,27,27,1,7,33,250,77,8,0.06687750166238021,0.07923890357992015,0.13052558885377594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696815747977368,0.0,0.0,0.05348191391722961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116110571994912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503448553569864,0.0,0.0,0.07608281289057171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153580855771739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018381198070257,0.0,0.07301291069424885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486821965070487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144541641258599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346179525057653,0.0,0.0,0.11520298837048985,0.0,0.06940828812973365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522818790454444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251587733378636,0.0,0.0563471795535504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304615662206607,0.0,0.10144582285376356,0.04777730055036111,0.0,0.07326103412468178,0.1833744747939529,0.0,0.0,0.07332772867094026,0.2066775675501569,0.0,0.034940734351505284,0.0,0.1900401269368064,0.0,0.053488047455450265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482657964706116,0.0706597523359379,0.0,0.0,0.13172173538122742,0.0,0.0715937487229672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23777518525244196,0.22197014058960865,0.06964262659414014,0.0735082518317568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032672969199146966,0.0,0.1771621776615331,0.23673793783584124,0.0,0.0,0.14600938640670186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392375501584994,0.06780328984670217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533809837783286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112498172665578,0.0,0.0,0.128341533082496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172670725976624,0.0,0.07846633863809968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046364438989931436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632208557898293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210525807658108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224247648041414,0.04284344006122217,0.13752242028219974,0.0,0.1436028171581683,0.0,0.11422604201442355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536720420348,0.10658542033117573,0.0608827657701294,0.0,0.07555254095446713,0.0,0.05532176046815408,0.0,0.06692579979426455,0.0,0.05666509013283892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473362398932447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069914885399897,0.0,0.0731531321608907,0.0,0.0,0.06951133116525313,0.050283558242335234,0.0,0.05845388419812762,0.0,0.15296050316599022,0.0,0.04443044043457299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699042710186727,0.0,0.0,0.0639043188107753,0.0,0.09081086734850374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972304160839593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23071747921916344,0.0,0.0,0.04868761771741336,0.06791734924933064,0.0,0.047507858371692975,0.0,0.0,0.21533459202775712
suicidewatch,Icypheonix1,2018/01/12,"My depression story Now once you hear my story you will probably think your case was way worse and i did the same thing when I heard other people’s stories and I’m not here to brag
It began in 2nd grade i felt less happy then normal i felt and i hid these thoughts because 1 I thought that my parents would try to help but just mess up or they would not help because I thought everyone hated me and that i would be a waste of their time i also thought I didn’t deserve help a few days later I started hitting my head against the wall when my parents asked i said it was pain endurance training i was lying a few more weeks later any possible happy thought was destroyed by my brain telling me things like go kill yourself,nobody likes you,you are a waste of space on this earth,if you didn’t exist everyone would be happier until a few more months of this I would cry under my bed each night flooded by the previous bad thoughts I thought It would never end eventually i went in the kitchen got a knife out of the knife rack I put it by my neck crying one good thing came into my head I realized that there might be a way out that there was light at the end of the tunnel i put the knife back still crying i then begin to be a lot better each day after that and that is my story thanks for reading ",2.5049264587037356,4.248930732342012,3.359408437045417,91.80852270890577,76.24907063197027,6.016550832390497,23.9633101664781,6.7026698264267655,0.6446766122514949,1033,33,220,9,23,328,151,269,0.194,0.679,0.127,-0.9729,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,2,1,10,14,3,0,16,0,22,6,4,0,1,38,47,13,1,7,5,2,2,2,0,8,1,3,2,0,17,11,1,0,11,1,0,5,5,7,0,1,23,6,38,7,24,11,10,41,0,1,0,0,16,11,0,3,25,150,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903358759408454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870354887529473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070165650600611,0.0,0.0,0.06637813136495202,0.07207726415778255,0.10524510006943408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634691241135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636657415211433,0.0,0.09873211094283577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446988369365045,0.11134418683443194,0.0,0.07435107502961326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529155832873178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497331778707147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576991358764506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906014309654888,0.0724048069984684,0.06904150466580103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378784761437655,0.0,0.0852274683921608,0.1771874679756616,0.0,0.0972938671728934,0.0,0.17358426723833126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550515318367876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434747808984079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338991374650777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157654149759906,0.0,0.0,0.06890330860677138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657869525129308,0.0,0.0,0.08100959705081319,0.08457957881890643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919326634856663,0.05849564423025545,0.0,0.0918552427364157,0.0,0.19170604996794108,0.0,0.0,0.05984646632533638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731778502581072,0.0,0.0,0.09307229836851692,0.0,0.0,0.1735597201190202,0.0,0.0,0.08634775573325258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211426785236255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110085117937718,0.0,0.06893877345735798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545132624182173,0.07947590498372784,0.0,0.0,0.17205027701499648,0.05531318677041129,0.0,0.4797234904105389,0.05033644900034317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058608597808409005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704057356226834,0.06924422276279943,0.0,0.0,0.08002357912887056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797193353275054,0.3679342411775285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ant-karma-whore,2018/01/12,gonna kill myself with my 3 inch 12 gauge shotgun fuck it. i am tired of being dirt poor. i live in the same state I grew up in even though I pretty much hate everyone in it.i do not have the means to move.,2.516884057971016,2.593423586956522,3.729130434782608,95.63688405797105,74.0,7.0028985507246375,19.68115942028985,6.42735559955562,-0.24126666666666674,159,2,41,1,3,52,40,46,0.359,0.584,0.057,-0.9524,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,7,6,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959612579487124,0.0,0.0,0.28350045944243113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742855596437012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292041610605685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32824404782401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619831215246828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231829007236581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153350172245938,0.21810163383667824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30184087116852404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914968813891336,0.0,0.0,0.34100205149645463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StolenExitSign,2018/01/12,"I don’t think I can be saved I think that I’m long gone. I’ve seek for help, but it’s been a temporary fix. Counselling. Therapy. Medication. Exercise. Positive thinking. Making things happen. But nothing has gotten me out of this hell.

Throughout my life I’ve been on the other. People on this outside would think I had a good life. Good family. Good education. Good friends. Good sports player. But inside I was dying. I was in groups, but I wasn’t close with anyone. I couldn’t connect. I felt the warmth, but I was still cold.

My 20’s so far has been hell. There have been times where I wanted to kill myself. Knives. Alcohol. Medication... but I held on. I had hope. Hope that my future could be better. I wanted to do something to salvage my life. Each attempt on a brighter life was met with nothingness. Each job attempt was met with rejection. Each friendship and relationship attempt was met with denial. Each sense of hope was met with despair.

I’m 29. My resume isn’t great. Good education but no experience. No entry level jobs will accept me due to lack of experience in that area. No low end jobs will accept me due to high level of education. No jobs in my field will accept me because I need to do a postgraduate degree to be qualified and registered.

I have a girlfriend... or had depending on the upcoming days. Due to my depressive episode, she has distanced herself and wanted time to think about stuff. She has other stuff going on, but the vibe I’m getting about her message is it’s about us nothing being in a relationship anymore. I told her what I’m dealing with and what is happening with me. I did my best to make a better life for myself not just for the sake of her and us, but primarily for myself. But it’s not enough.

I’ve lost one of the two chains that are keeping me in this world last year. Dad unexpectedly passed away. I had to handle most of the funeral stuff and be mum’s rock, not having the proper time to grieve. I don’t think he other chain is strong enough to keep me alive. She has been amazing but all I’ve brought is nothing in return. She deserves better than me. She deserves a better son with a better life and she has that with my brother. Already has a family, stable job, great life. I’m the opposite of all that.

I’ve already thought out my swan song and how I’m going out.

I’ve written out everything that has been plaguing my mind, my life. I don’t think there’s anything else left to say but...

Goodbye",1.3752134986225926,3.9657162045454575,2.9398842975206603,88.3527052341598,86.33471074380165,5.706005509641874,21.909641873278236,7.1686216300943375,0.9012053443526172,1929,67,380,30,60,631,208,484,0.101,0.68,0.219,0.9968,5,0,2,0,0,1,73.0,2,0,0,11,10,33,3,0,19,0,53,12,0,4,2,78,95,23,4,11,17,4,1,0,2,4,12,2,0,0,22,26,1,3,12,4,0,5,14,9,0,2,32,4,56,24,56,52,11,46,2,6,0,0,31,27,2,6,14,255,78,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020636940144212,0.0,0.0,0.14498881456226748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651502964474863,0.04593442040613775,0.0,0.05406015041029348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061721202732806416,0.0,0.0,0.04004614589879205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894127191546888,0.29050279693117675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245091165911636,0.0,0.0,0.042366870742792925,0.06772711059974137,0.05658171252445152,0.0,0.068179478003487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487848696347628,0.0,0.058184939293922426,0.13575788632740415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904107897461115,0.12852169091060486,0.12385996440609938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307605903535038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050754632660950316,0.0,0.03432214067420019,0.0,0.07467025626708877,0.33060352980860275,0.0,0.1448546242609555,0.0,0.0,0.11618508451232624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403296613951646,0.0694087861829305,0.0,0.1957453954709296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259532944610363,0.11678279676335335,0.07268012089792007,0.0,0.0,0.053548967878870264,0.0,0.0,0.07137617647998258,0.0,0.3712100765678624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813667740623596,0.0,0.0,0.07171221202150517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877018384526903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235857342105894,0.0,0.0,0.06633170464805986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871089547124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891040458030688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451561358663143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045543599092222366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106046089731838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052242105392081836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057406332356819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246291139702984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561001038282105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512623882550691,0.0,0.043643840208710136,0.2946561810956629,0.0,0.05215329841724276,0.11491921881579067,0.0,0.0,0.06277295141674306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417300072636682,0.0,0.15804237602527413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624317940140355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666677528181312,0.0,0.0,0.04230445808749743
suicidewatch,Inkderp,2018/01/12,"I have a plan to kill myself... decades from now. I've decided I want to kill myself, but not now, or in a few weeks, or even a few months. My plan is to commit suicide once I've decided I'm no longer able to live independently. I have a friend in a nursing home, and I never, ever want to end up in that situation. So I've decided I want to live my life to the fullest, check off everything in my bucket list, and when I feel that I've accomplished my goals and my life has been sufficiently fulfilling, I'll just... kill myself. I've even decided on the method, I know what my suicide note will say, and I have a good idea about what's going to be in my will.

Is this... weird? I mean, should I see someone about this? Has anyone else ever considered this? It's been lingering in the back of my mind for a couple years now, but it doesn't feel bad, it just feels... normal. Like this is going to be just another part of the process. Step 1, go to college, step 2, get a job, step 3, start checking things off your bucket list, step 4, make sure to spend time with family and friends, step 5... commit suicide.",4.81580971659919,4.329543833333337,5.8447368421052674,84.39661943319841,69.0,9.471524966261807,28.06477732793523,9.057496981413335,1.857167611336032,846,24,192,14,13,282,121,228,0.14400000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.142,-0.7659999999999999,1,0,1,0,0,8,48.0,0,1,0,4,15,10,3,0,12,0,16,2,0,2,6,38,32,11,6,5,8,0,3,1,2,3,2,1,1,0,12,6,0,0,10,0,3,8,4,5,0,0,2,5,22,5,28,25,3,32,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,2,15,118,34,4,0.1191967028286244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498813586778805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334510607915854,0.12213110806257735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165490690184172,0.09952426801229804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188888452235126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995735502264766,0.0,0.10557289925037096,0.0,0.0,0.15745659609485682,0.21564048369702776,0.0,0.0,0.10712631065460072,0.0,0.11236804319193912,0.0,0.1808083032310296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418215385037914,0.0,0.06227535756547362,0.0,0.2032266993198056,0.09997653908338876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956401164221007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455856882098327,0.0,0.0,0.1182843352044397,0.0,0.3956204736572974,0.0,0.06550739061153019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683843125463005,0.05823348814404426,0.0,0.2105057447650091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956472471567315,0.0,0.0,0.1298401530911983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035469069650555,0.0,0.09514167099492986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193184546507713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678746091573493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269405983529404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907841352950505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479000229465928,0.0,0.0,0.09498433970527456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339820881254488,0.0,0.0,0.10099497949877256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843680397641629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911455394603823,0.0,0.1123414817809438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918899291065724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950455597386326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109159108252095,0.0,0.09561240517484336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675876860422219
suicidewatch,rickyfalconejr,2018/01/12,"I’m about to lose my home. After not being able to pay my mortgage for over a year I am, rightfully, about to lose my home. I told my mother the basics of the situation, but the thought of sitting down with my family and telling them how substantially I failed is more than I have the strength to face. 

I’m a coward and a failure. I don’t know how to face those around me knowing that I could have asked for help, but I was too afraid to. I hid and avoided my problems until I couldn’t hide anymore. The only thing keeping me from killing myself right now is that I know how much it would hurt my family. How can I live with myself? I don’t know how to manage. The thought of facing my shortcomings and being judged destroys me every day.",4.1801986754966896,4.785692218543048,4.912245033112583,86.73896357615897,70.52317880794702,7.629403973509934,27.02052980132451,7.554174236665415,1.301044503311258,579,18,123,6,10,187,86,151,0.263,0.691,0.047,-0.9885,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,4,10,10,2,2,9,0,14,3,3,5,0,27,25,12,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,26,1,23,16,2,11,0,4,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,93,31,3,0.16013937482687782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881522909460866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255799511497633,0.14970869823655394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785826013973636,0.0,0.0,0.10327664876339852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349243300462466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30193030109479585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733804735330976,0.0,0.3212656998357684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143251283350205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233923430594522,0.17717049162363996,0.0,0.3520336495935806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140600186148586,0.0,0.0,0.358309996731188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772086637038083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217932107124409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323175441434844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27351630223095025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000336688219645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399688720273543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638948491817993,0.0,0.0,0.25426555174158305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302003526922456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375841725388995,0.0,0.0,0.10312450701286716
suicidewatch,mattbassace,2018/01/12,"Attempted suicide on Xmas Eve. Hello reddit, I attempted it xmas eve after a small fight with my wife. She went to bed and I made a noose in my garage, contemplated it for a good 30min. I stopped myself after messaging my brother who had just landed in TX after a deployment in Afghanistan (he's Army and 22yo). The past month has been rough for me, even though I think of suicide often, I never thought I would attempt it. I've had some version of depression since I was in middle school and in outpatient therapy, currently 26yo. I'm not on any medication and haven't met with a professional in well over 10yrs. Just don't know where to start. The last few years I have gained weight, stopped exercising, have no energy, and sleep too much(like I did back in H.S.) On the surface I have a great life, newlywed to my best friend/only friend, nice house, good job, not drowning in debt, etc.. but I have almost no friends anymore, and I don't know how to connect to anyone besides my wife. My best friend cut me out of his life 6yrs ago. I don't think I will attempt again in the near future. I feel better that I was last month(that was a low point), but I still feel f***d up.  Please give me some advice on where to go from here. ",2.738900112233445,4.797947037037042,3.4798671904227483,89.78682659932663,76.57201646090536,6.7227085671530125,23.802656191545076,7.686295010490155,1.0498658436213997,962,31,200,14,22,304,146,243,0.08900000000000001,0.741,0.16899999999999998,0.9638,3,0,0,0,1,2,42.0,0,0,0,8,14,15,2,0,11,0,18,6,1,2,1,32,32,10,3,1,6,3,4,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,5,9,1,2,7,1,1,2,9,4,1,0,11,4,29,11,34,19,7,47,0,2,0,0,15,25,0,4,20,130,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069358368859052,0.10948510728491392,0.0,0.12367849090579522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399175987686984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248978850719636,0.08636180873380424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094972385443407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25923448631272394,0.10923550036500801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637989968443892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774748664580935,0.08157789386520617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249018115616074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816973711185692,0.0,0.0,0.11848306842417905,0.0701941848054841,0.20719044350335045,0.0,0.13617138568445009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251518660937804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225656743831952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357569029492965,0.20135600627845007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744790363585981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168691564958041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442440441178733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971707081463137,0.0,0.09079484446672233,0.0,0.09525934788612599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179052875347252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557806018073906,0.1167578791490654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499979217047745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216962966346643,0.0,0.12360026365841108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742176782927659,0.0,0.09863609640938027,0.2065215623413076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702021178774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124566743137995,0.0,0.0,0.15828180715663806,0.1213489946988656,0.09805398964270164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040320363611548,0.1110512809168709,0.11449599507106535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773871718587851,0.0,0.0,0.07953707667663336
suicidewatch,Alex_Turner00,2018/01/12,"Nonsensical late night ramblings Today she said you can leave ""Cause I don't want to cause you pain"". ""I know that helplessness that passes over you knowing you can't do anything"". That was a bit of a shock. And she was right. That's how I have been feeling. But only recently, very recently. The day after New Years day infact, and the days following that after what I saw. I always thought I could help her. Or not me, but at the very least things would work out. Like I always knew it. It would be good by January. I always had that in my head. It's like a chord resolution. I always thought January we'll hit that resolving chord. But it never came. 

But you don't get it. This was one of the most sweetest, creature loving, passionate, compassionate people you could ever meet. Like proper fucking good and genuine. Even if she doesn't believe it. You can't care for things that much, you just can't. She is inherently good. She is. She tricks herself into believing she's not though, which I hate. Or maybe just been made to feel that way by people.

It's just been fucking with me so much. I've been crying a lot just thinking about that day. You know, I never thought she would do it. I didn't know she done that to herself too. Just small scratches I thought. 

I just feel like the whole world was a lie when I thought there was some good in it. And yes the world, I blame you.

I always thought the world was a good place and that good people are rewarded. And karma and everything. I think it's the first time in my life that I've properly questioned life. That bad stuff does happen to the wrong people. Maybe I've just been sheltered so much or just a naïve little shit. I think it's the fact that I wanted to remain positive in life and just believe in the good. Because without that then what is there? I think that's safely gone now.

It's just not right. I'd give anything for her to hurt less you know? Fuck man. I really didn't know it was like that at all. It's like this nasty window that has been opened and I can't close it. I honestly didn't know life could be that evil. Maybe to someone else. Because then I could blindly justify it to suit my own needs of believing. But not when it's someone like that.

And back to the ""I know that helplessness that passes over you knowing you can't do anything"". Was that her telling me something? Because that just can't be.

It's like my dog, something I care so much for is being tortured and I'm being held back by a group just to watch helplessly.",1.40595827439887,3.797254485148514,2.343993988684584,94.3191027227723,83.35643564356438,5.4289250353606775,20.70102545968882,6.790227387841072,0.3097758132956145,1965,59,420,23,56,617,202,505,0.13,0.701,0.16899999999999998,0.9763,1,0,2,0,0,0,69.0,1,13,0,4,28,40,8,0,20,1,52,13,2,4,5,92,97,29,0,11,26,0,4,8,0,4,6,1,1,1,51,17,0,2,25,0,0,5,19,16,0,2,32,8,62,24,35,51,13,52,1,4,3,5,38,21,4,8,33,288,113,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24579690952607075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585368254409015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085791110530028,0.04932942164005271,0.10804405475580367,0.0,0.0,0.26625219693916424,0.0,0.0,0.06450017532559213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675719033875917,0.1204722133161716,0.12138308868600407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868263246810407,0.0,0.06489672344713368,0.15240712598360856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517013998457852,0.06045946172521771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049353848477558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039021853533305485,0.053441339260295526,0.0,0.0,0.05309739074263853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961803190558344,0.042206840307827065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050253508907247287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638558209937368,0.03086691751154293,0.056675022155688023,0.0,0.34687513551607296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052244343582121135,0.0,0.0,0.05832937435621598,0.06063323448272825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960015042531115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324647656063807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922199359913754,0.0,0.06664493414264236,0.06255730291126305,0.0,0.0,0.1669201073679935,0.2309084485704415,0.05921378820236145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050227794320876464,0.0533221032875414,0.055903025823093776,0.0,0.0,0.1780617254254933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372270621322375,0.04380715080380669,0.09113244151737104,0.05705993557622367,0.0,0.05544267830508172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040034209567445404,0.044933083691367885,0.06286539939799846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383482950003014,0.0,0.0617261373462754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661832410553058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03784822943263372,0.0,0.11666895654267866,0.0,0.0,0.10090817728841904,0.05619871104827511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064488092101265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011676602550468,0.0909655056571442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676325878230123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163861765530287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850039590461001,0.15142458828512498,0.058045905247041875,0.2814180342912009,0.03445008555215575,0.0,0.05600103346302256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974945514325112,0.06969395574559341,0.046895039053156624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596082969054944,0.0,0.05695111495347945,0.0,0.043011021600128166,0.0,0.0,0.12590643895089768,0.06459482254921607,0.0,0.038045651946729514
suicidewatch,Whatpoint123,2018/01/13,"I don’t see the point in this shit anymore. Well let me start by saying I’m a 16 year old male. I have a dreadful life and I know there’s somebody having it worse but I purely hate mine. I’m very unhappy with my current educational position. I have hardly any friends. I’ve never had a girlfriend and every girl I’ve shown affection for has used me to their advantage. My relationship with family absolutely sucks. I hate my life I’ve started cutting myself again, yes guys self harm as well not just girls. I really wish there would be somebody for me that would care about me and talk to me. I just wanna jump off a bridge.",1.04845238095238,3.5881612063492057,2.8399801587301603,88.7275892857143,87.73015873015873,6.007142857142857,20.573412698412696,7.413659706084162,0.8496365079365078,496,16,101,9,16,164,89,126,0.215,0.605,0.181,-0.7237,1,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,5,1,5,1,10,3,1,2,2,18,22,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,5,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,1,3,19,5,12,17,0,11,0,0,1,0,11,3,2,0,7,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771592826418498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716715922865084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648997370826053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458466842838553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318603651546193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373889421739305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139911577544026,0.0,0.0,0.15506622428325886,0.34180661127327194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513284322399457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700947387467708,0.24453543725839946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350765097308434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164240585181188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363822053899765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089416942874523,0.0,0.0,0.18584776471762116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376583976757071,0.0,0.0,0.1379406233947295,0.0,0.18058410820091791,0.0,0.17768766995589622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504628943614595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391335780072854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950535273440818,0.0,0.1428280459483581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31128064555904644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990598264607316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764066741348424,0.2459347096283131,0.0,0.0,0.11147261143396917
suicidewatch,Jisatsuneko,2018/01/13,"i want to die i have just sat here in front of my computer for 3 hours and tried to think of what i could write here. and nothing came up. or rather, too much came up. 
i am depressed since 5 years, and contemplated suicide for 3 years.  
i dont see any reason in living. or i dont want to see it. i dont know. 
i feel so much and feel nothing at the same time. 
i want to be happy, but at the same time, i avoid it.
i found a girl, or rather my mother found her, and she liked me. that baffled me the most. how can a person like me, if i dont like me. i tried it. i tried to be happy. but i cant. i wont. i ended it with her. i didnt want to drag her down, i thought that she deserved someone better than me. i was saddened after i told her, but at the same time relieved, because i dont have to change my lifestyle, my surroundings, myself. i tried to change, but at the same time didnt want to change. i am my own worst enemy. its a cycle of hell. i just dont enjoy life, or i wont let myself enjoy it. i dont have hopes for a better tomorrow. i dont have faith in a god, because god is an asshole. i am a fat fuck, eat unhealthy and smoke 3 packs of cigs a day. i am too afraid to kill myself upfront, so i just do it slowly. im living hell everyday.


i want to die. please help me",-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,1.6047222222222253,99.58750000000002,89.0,4.433333333333334,16.291666666666668,5.602791699666715,-0.8485333333333331,960,21,249,6,32,334,124,288,0.227,0.614,0.158,-0.987,0,1,1,0,0,4,46.0,0,0,0,2,12,20,4,2,13,0,29,4,1,2,0,47,50,18,4,11,14,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,10,9,2,1,8,0,0,3,13,8,0,0,10,4,52,12,31,34,9,26,3,1,2,1,12,11,3,7,15,171,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036405582150325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029386121266356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100196605329492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694122294876288,0.0,0.0,0.2350403223454581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059131724558402335,0.0,0.0,0.047763252380549216,0.0,0.06378867657788463,0.0,0.15372736092899264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6943920219559444,0.0,0.0,0.07578294676138543,0.0,0.0,0.06559611062885283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489498754303406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240824424931874,0.0,0.06846825025742928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767873653137673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496415628039669,0.0,0.0,0.07355933667265922,0.07293521891540747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999864637076333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819375822814744,0.0,0.0407020179617385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573244466247407,0.052311512103858634,0.10854746884070138,0.0,0.13079453363185034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888679131691804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212715592031142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466725496541471,0.0,0.08129679627053839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614709751605954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803414132900845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612640685131088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275169001894138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081010771579353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047455332421011874,0.0,0.0587962035219373,0.17274238276087914,0.0,0.0,0.07076851012650934,0.0,0.20113037444555512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620987681140543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538578011684908
suicidewatch,LoGaffney,2018/01/13,Anyone there Is anyone able to talk? I messed up and I no longer have any idea on how I can go on,-2.4427536231884046,-0.7422329565217378,0.2260869565217387,107.0968115942029,95.95652173913044,3.066666666666667,7.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.578785507246377,74,0,21,0,3,25,19,23,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,14,3,0,0.4202760341913547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28580211512942383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5877335500222369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388525554959555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744404864273371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378019565097821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_For_what_its_worth_,2018/01/13,"Sometimes I want to kill myself I don’t want to die all the time, just in moments when I screw up (let’s say when I’m having a human moment and yell or something). It’s in those moments when I think I would be better off dead. I feel worthless and I hate it. I feel like that right now. ",0.3423809523809531,2.0075037936507947,2.178015873015873,98.14892857142858,82.49206349206351,4.2,18.436507936507933,3.1291,-0.8409873015873015,221,5,53,0,6,73,45,63,0.303,0.581,0.116,-0.9423,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,11,12,6,3,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,9,2,6,9,1,13,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,1,9,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25060529393226805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940787198214197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28654654479979125,0.2024295334313891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797553180990895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134913545250846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897506369809354,0.0,0.13843339482585054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419844164941969,0.0,0.2253360090802304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181412388871867,0.2802462607468649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156303891169048,0.0,0.0,0.1652271218156334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334261338723147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128792321301706,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneNdonzo,2018/01/13,Tomorrow Got someone on my family won't leave my alone. What I'm wondering is if there is a way to have them see it in Instagram without them following to confirm I die so they leave my family alone? ,3.668943089430893,4.836622073170737,5.857073170731707,77.41211382113823,72.17073170731706,11.320325203252034,30.739837398373986,11.20814326018867,3.9039691056910577,159,7,32,6,3,56,32,41,0.094,0.768,0.139,-0.2787,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,5,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864093508155273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24370806420220775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442738387583739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780852913356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972849844132813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712265610511286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989638384151687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639069844242398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263599371613974,0.2546543395688673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pondmermaid,2018/01/13,"Would anyone care? Would anyone notice if I lifted my foot on the ledge of a highway bridge? Would anyone care? Would they all just drive past and leave me to make my choice, a good riddance statement? Care or not, I just want to fall off. ",1.126241134751773,3.691293999999999,1.2735106382978714,99.88416666666667,87.72340425531915,3.1333333333333333,14.21631205673759,3.1291,-1.4507985815602835,186,3,39,0,6,55,35,47,0.046,0.7,0.255,0.9192,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,14,9,3,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,5,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40629686548128463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.592438440710713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245766693115035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508934506776427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928932793468892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051692050275445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848986623886265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424315846321476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503662061834179,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidetalkandtoss,2018/01/13,"I'm going to attempt to kill myself. Again. It's funny I've done research, in know the stats on suicide. I know that many people who have attempted, retry and some succeed. This is not my first rodeo.

 My first encounter was when I was 13, but this path was set for me from a very young age. 

My father was an abusive, drunk, drug addict derelict who seemed to have his own set of issues given to him by his own shit parents.  But as long as I can remember my life has been absolute hell.

I just can't find the reason to continue, I'm over all the bullshit I'm tired and stressed. Have no family, my wife and I fight all the time, probably because I want to be fucking dead. 

I'm 29 years old with a head full of problems.

I've been abused, locked in broom closets, told i was worthless, told I should be killed, threatend to be killed, choked till I passed out, watched my mother get beat, watched my mother get a gun put in her mouth, watched my grandmother get laid out by my own father, watch my pregnant aunt get laid out by my own father, I don't feel like even getting into the darker stuff. 

I've been made fun of, called crazy, all while growing up as a kid, I've been separated because I was a liability.  

I have so many head problems I can't fix them all my self, I've tried meditation, I've listened to Eckhart tolle, I've been to the gym, it's deep rooted and I can't get it out, I just want to die. 

I've always known I've wanted to die, I've tried to be strong I've tried to be what I thought would help me.

But I've failed so hard. So I just want to get out what I can before I commit to this one last time. This is shit and I can't seem to fix these issues I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried so hard, I did whatever I could, I just want to stop feeling like this.





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suicidewatch,throwawayacc5959,2018/01/13,"I went to the teachers in school - and now everything is so much worse. I don't know what to do with my life. So about me : 16M. Failing school. Don't have any motivation to work. I'm getting Suicidal Thoughts more often now. I have some friends. I'm apparently quite a funny guy. 

I was doing shit at school, so they said that if I do bad in the next exams (which are literally like a couple days from the time of this post), then I get kicked out. Then I have nowhere to go. 

I live with my family in a big house, with my grandparents as well. My dads brothers family lives opposite us as well, and so do 2 other families of ours, across the street. We're quite well off I guess. 

I went to the teacher and told her all my feelings. I'm not sure why. I guess I was worried about the exams. I told her about life at home, and my depression (if u want to call it that). She then called me out to talk to the Head of Year and contacted my parents EVEN THOUGH I told her, that I would only talk to her if she didn't contact my parents.

And she did. I liked her as a teacher and as a friend. I felt quite betrayed. That kinda made me despise going to people for help. That was the first time I'd ever talked to anyone about my feelings, and I wanted it to stay between us, or, at least, in school. Now I have to have fucking weekly check ups and shit which does not help. I have to go talk to a School Psychiatrist who I don't even know and tell her about my feelings. How is that going to help? All she does is talk about ""Mindfulness"" and how it will cure my depression. I've been doing it for months now and I see no change. And I am being open minded about it, or at least, I was. 

For fuck's sake man. 
Wow. It may seem like I'm being a little bitch or whatever but I'm bad at expressing my feelings. So yeah, I went to people for help, and they betrayed my trust and made the whole situation worse.

First, and last time. 

Also I'm failing school which is fucking crushing and demoralising. My parents are going to be so disappointed in me when I fail. My dream is to become a Film Director. I really like games, and films. I also do Martial Arts, which is probably one of the only things that stop me from killing myself (or having a lot of suicidal thoughts). If it wasn't for Martial Arts, I honestly don't know where I would be. And that's saying a lot, considering I'm in such a shit position now. 

Fuck's sake. Life is hard man. I don't want it to be. It's not fair...
Fuck. 

I don't know what I'm asking but I just want someone to listen /  give advice I guess. Thank you. 
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suicidewatch,whokilledtony,2018/01/13,"Don't know what to do anymore. I am scared and losing my fucking mind over the fact that i might be a sociopath or a psychopath. it's driving me insane. i keep thinking every single thing ive ever done was never for anyone else but for my own gain and it makes sense but in a way it doesn't. my low empathy scares the shit out of me. i know when people are upset and i tell them what they want to hear but i don't really care all that much, i just want them to feel better so they like me. or something. i just want everyone to like me but also hate me at the same time. when someone hates me though i feel offended. 

i've only been googling shit about this for the past week and a half and ignoring everything else about my life. i need constant reassurance that i'm not a sociopath but when i look for it i just get more reason that i am and i cry. i don't want to be a sociopath. i don't want to be a bad person. i want to love people. but its so hard. its like i can't let myself. i've never hurt animals and i  feel disgusted at the idea of doing that. i used to hit my little brother because i thought it was funny but lookign back on when i did that i feel pure disgust. i apologized to him crying asking for forgiveness but he didn't care much,  he has aspergers. i don't know why i did that to him. i love him alot. i love my animals. and i love my friends but theres a piece of shit in my mind telling me you don't love them you just love the idea of them or what they do for you. 

it's exhausting trying to put on this happy persona when inside i just want to die. i'm so tired of being irresponsible and not caring what i do at all. my friend that i live with's cat is dying and i can't feel a thing. i helped him eat food but in my mind its telling me i onyl did this for approval of everyone else. i really do only do thigns for approval or attention and im so fucking sick of it. i probably only want to kill myself for some type of attention but i just want out of this world because i feel like a sick fuck. im tired of bullying people and thiking its funny. its not funny. its wrong. and i feel like if i just get therapy theyll tell me i'm aspd or a psychopath and then i'll really kill myself. i don't want to be that i don't i don't. 

for the past week and a half i can't sleep without someone else being in teh same bed as me or im ridden with fear. i need someone else in the house at all times to feel secure. 

my mom abused the shit out of me mentally and sometimes physically growing up. i wasn't allowed to cry or it'd be asking for attention and i'd need to get over it. i cried when she'd yell at my brother. i hated how she treated us but for some reason this whole time ithikn i deserved it. i'm so scared of everyone leaving me. i'm so scared. i cried when i left that house and hugged my brother and grandma and felt like utter shit for leaving them all with that horrible woman of a mother. would a sociopath or a psychopath do that? would a sociopath or a psychopath cry at the thought of their grandmother or cat dying or their brother being yelled at? i always cry and feel scared when people raise their voice at me or yell. i hate that. is that something a sociopath or psychopath would do.. i don't know. im about to just kill myself to rid the world of me. sorry.",0.7770683813023069,2.6237797352112686,2.79909981628904,93.32178301694223,81.92957746478874,5.749744845886916,20.85323535415391,6.832660038195916,0.2977736272708711,2572,75,588,29,69,865,237,710,0.211,0.593,0.196,-0.9694,1,0,2,0,1,4,54.0,1,3,12,5,31,56,18,7,30,0,54,24,6,6,9,130,116,66,6,17,38,6,11,6,2,5,6,5,1,2,41,27,2,3,25,0,0,4,22,32,0,2,12,17,109,24,76,87,16,52,0,3,1,10,51,26,8,18,27,404,150,1,0.0,0.05488200640216689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03704234421978219,0.03854221797687224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045937312101917496,0.032388245663905225,0.047460643068577966,0.0,0.0,0.08660649528978738,0.0,0.0,0.03561746790771117,0.0386755334961258,0.05647287588674393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040966560021300766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167996400181476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500558117448786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561648855013869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442195414651644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740177077634382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739725258517601,0.19347342382042887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189938251700884,0.039026868486171915,0.13278315608803448,0.04162971804551653,0.0,0.0,0.052123239294195205,0.21078851603687032,0.0661824936040038,0.044474772457887404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601071639632868,0.0,0.07157393068943459,0.12846717197740268,0.07260136825751085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930884336169125,0.041493909659075366,0.18292691028756855,0.0,0.0,0.05220636857935672,0.0,0.031047534986345826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068948634220784,0.04958686198637295,0.10458000926936978,0.2001355825049168,0.0,0.0,0.041171629874141184,0.1537397178223432,0.0,0.1018257488526102,0.0,0.0,0.09809306429035426,0.0503271646391566,0.047365666841410727,0.03271741279876502,0.13577861558547266,0.04642513074172102,0.04090169234794068,0.0,0.038897403832783416,0.05182059127110621,0.0,0.0,0.2508353907121523,0.0,0.030919174160324383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667998922872845,0.0491385409745373,0.1403109602636829,0.054249800493772,0.0,0.0,0.06810153170062562,0.1030377939951446,0.07145017470926593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568607489888253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843597589575046,0.1284507141072109,0.040445117913355005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994114073521367,0.0,0.0,0.04656471667922346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890219518002025,0.09525000989894793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187361140380355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377357209398937,0.0,0.0,0.04635377329614823,0.0,0.11774117380283533,0.07131929270742493,0.04581198218715395,0.05185180741052809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194400991717486,0.0,0.0529713242786581,0.0,0.061546326519319725,0.02968019156544965,0.045509480509946514,0.07354632218652805,0.0810292555691542,0.10647679071195844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03144845762650022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571764327007706,0.04000588541175613,0.0,0.0,0.2732092562917515,0.03676691502561368,0.0743107355188559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041796885320841436,0.05171498455310832,0.0,0.04465113680223256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871388179969258,0.05064399987106434,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wynaut11,2018/01/13,Why should I live What's the point. I can't find one legitimate reason to live.,0.2747058823529436,2.508375588235296,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,87.23529411764706,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.4379176470588231,63,1,15,1,2,21,15,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34113270904146353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6591518658556161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529156829150128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528304879030312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38375075787553853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367891811397501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dreadful95,2018/01/13,"Thanks I'm going to be completely honest. I just don't think this is helping me much still. Thanks to those who tried to help me. Ive decided that I'll end it tonight after work. No one will know where I am so that they can't stop me. 

Sorry for wasting your guy's time",0.33090395480225965,2.2182617796610167,2.0450000000000017,97.91518361581923,83.7457627118644,5.289265536723164,18.30790960451977,6.42735559955562,-0.3023920903954802,211,5,51,2,6,69,48,59,0.076,0.653,0.271,0.8886,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,13,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,5,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,32,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28014073439200843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23664858647959736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184866403668826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645573716034691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35817994559664257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683911782531625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641336204553408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810529865526327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299094236717316,0.0,0.0,0.21337607249180848,0.22338049386284126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919802199164308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120279282857642,0.0,0.0,0.15579902647268634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140259519333773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451549061469095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostboy0427,2018/01/13,"Stuck and Having Bad Dreams I feel like i'm going nowhere. Im 18 and all my friends are moving out and looking at houses to rent and everything. Im saving my money for a surgery i need and to move to a different city once i graduate, so im still at home. 
But i feel like I'll be here forever. Everyone else moved to new cities too and they didn't have to save for it. everyone else is going to school and working and they're not fucked up the way i am. Nobody else feels lost or stuck and i do. 
I feel broken. 

And i keep having these dreams. Im in my high school english class and I just feel hopeless. We're reading hamlet. I don't see a way out, everything outside the room isn't real. Everyone around me is my friends. My girlfriend. They're absorbed in the play. 
A blade appears in my copy of the play. I grab it. I roll up my sleeves and slash my wrists. It's like a hot knife though butter. I pull my sleeves down as blood pours out. Nobody notices. The blood hits the floor, the sound is sickening and nobody notices. The room starts to spin, things start getting dark, and nobody notices me. I put my head down on my desk and close my eyes content with the world. 
And then i wake up. 

I don't see the point in living right now. I don't see why i can't make the dying part of that dream a reality.  
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suicidewatch,GodlessPlonk,2018/01/13,He left me Boyfriend ended things last night and intervened when I tried to secretly take a blade and pills from his cabinet because I felt like I wanted to die- he hugged me to sleep then reiterated the fact that he couldn’t do this (our relationship) anymore in the morning. I feel really lost and bleak and I really don’t see past this fog - when I think about suicide I usually think about family and my future to talk myself out of it but this time I don’t see these things ps. I already know that my boyfriend is right to leave me this post is more about what I should do now ,4.480961538461539,5.394007299145301,4.939391025641027,85.69831730769235,70.02564102564102,8.926923076923078,25.73611111111111,9.188382445141503,1.7329495726495727,462,13,99,9,8,147,76,117,0.076,0.8909999999999999,0.033,-0.5714,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,8,3,1,0,1,17,18,9,2,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,18,2,12,14,1,16,0,1,2,1,8,4,0,0,12,63,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20438847638318625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368271879477852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129048577986371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222309902739487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640448075479045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746034650070624,0.0,0.09364986506071596,0.0,0.17783467837037195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178888106832128,0.15097429397843756,0.0,0.19611509597893054,0.20123577125373115,0.0,0.0,0.09048630304996906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021831794044876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381098083070376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680791222352438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773840065692025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373059196091765,0.0,0.0,0.19885073733278225,0.0,0.15817191561190402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951834767758696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534796042361185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259427435011365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925802891723435,0.14886815892854074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609617040322956,0.2373555626849174,0.0,0.0,0.10799989002286388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574828466066967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398727547322065,0.0,0.10924413445050828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KoyukiKat,2018/01/13,"I've been making the plans for awhile.. I'm sure a bit of this sub is people hoping for help, trolling, or just doing whatever..

The past few months I've been making the plans so my boyfriend can be self sufficient. I proposed to him back in Septemberish at a league (league of legends, we were at boston) tournament, but since then he's always seemed unhappy. I've been married before, I've had a lot of really bad relationship things in the past 6 years that's not entirely important. I'm 25 now, so it's too late to just start over.. I have no family since my parents divorced. My mother has always hated me and my dad and brother have been deep in drugs for my entire life. 

My boyfriend is the only person I've worried about how they'll accept it, so I've made sure all the bills are set up, his insurance and everything so he doesn't have to worry about it (I've been handling the finances) I used to work to put him through school, but he convinced me to quit so I could go to school... But my ex husband made me quit school years ago so I owe money to even get financial aid back. 


Today I finished all of the set up, and he's out snowboarding with his friends. He hasn't asked or taken me out in months so I'm sure he's ashamed of me.. so I'm just out. Today I finished all the prep. 

I'm really sorry, Jordan. I've found a home for our cat Yuki  and jinx, since you like the dogs more you'll be okay to take care of them. 

I hope everyone else is doing okay.. I can't see a reason to not do this now, I hope you guys out there on Reddit are doing well, enjoying the winter (of that's your time zone etc)
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suicidewatch,amazemar,2018/01/13,"Feeling scared & alone Im NOT stable rn. I just self harmed, im covered in blood, i just took 1200 mg of wellbutrin with 3 shots of tequila. Im useless. Idk what to do ",-2.4415540540540555,-1.3802028918918907,-0.0727364864864839,103.82170608108109,118.45945945945948,1.85,18.13851351351352,3.1291,-1.0887270270270273,131,5,31,0,8,43,29,37,0.35600000000000004,0.606,0.038,-0.8907,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563084117667921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681379567968017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513028138392876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8019431039992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477646288078762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25816933596356484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749527004616529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UKPrisoner,2018/01/13,"Just wanted to tell this anonymously I was sent to prison for a crime I did not commit. I was told to plead guilty, I trusted my brief, I don't know what went on but I was sent to prison.

I am autistic.

I had a breakdown while inside, the prison staff were really nice and helped the best they could, and since then, every single morning I think about suicide for at least an hour. My character has been ruined and I have nothing to live for, I can't get a job - I've applied for over 600 jobs and no one returns my application.

I'm trying to train as a grafter, but can't afford the courses. It's a complete spiral. I am utterly worthless.",3.0611450381679397,4.33792003816794,4.111366412213741,88.91865267175574,73.80916030534351,6.7667175572519085,25.31374045801527,7.1686216300943375,0.9920375572519076,499,16,106,5,10,162,89,131,0.242,0.6729999999999999,0.085,-0.9688,3,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,9,0,15,0,0,0,1,13,24,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,11,0,16,3,15,12,3,11,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,73,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495297367325373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493021078417621,0.0,0.0,0.18984364248064026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003353263781739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242273965735846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593752790319628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341600507583429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719091336388056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067468273375274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995929737093025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281511081980764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112219908532213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232447508169664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668957749109692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260086782038664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207825450389664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235634051289249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272037867266221,0.0,0.16143332189021026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024559912650816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204194041725422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justbarelyheretoday,2018/01/13,"I have a plan, the means, the opportunity, and the desire to cease my daily struggle. My struggle probably does not resemble yours or may seem slight to many who struggle. People have done things to me but the worst physical harm ended in high school. My struggle is such that I desire to achieve well, not just for myself but for others - Give my all, if you will. I believe each next day should and can be easier, more productive, and happier than each day prior. Unrealistic? Probably but that's who I am and those are my goals.

Unfortunately I fail daily. I fall into traps at work: ""Speak up if you have a better way. We want people to notice what needs improving and how to improve."" Well, I do this. Not one employer has implemented or applauded my observations nor my feasible solutions. 

Essentially, I feel trapped, constrained, and pressured by the sense to give up my desire to improve and accept mediocrity with my life. I am not designed to accept mediocrity. 

I've visited a few counselors. Each has turned me away - well, except one. She turned over my file to an ex girlfriend who attempted to use my words against me in a civil trial. I wasn't the defendant. I was the plaintiff. She owed me ~$30,000 by a contract she drafted. I figure I lost $100,000 in income and much more in lost opportunities and time.

Another ex-gf uses popular dating sites to post mean things about me. Some are false and some are true. I broke up with her in 2011. Yes, six years later she continues to harm me online.

My work requires significant use of computers - with which I am capable and enjoy using computers. My boss's requirements are so great that I am unable to keep pace or reduce my errors. I've noted and documented factual reasons for my less than required performance but each fact is dismissed, saying I have to overcome the system's limitations. FYI, any one project can require 60 to 80 minutes and I'm assigned 20 projects per day. How do I fit possibly 20 hours' work into eight hours? Not one of their ""experienced pros"" has been able to see anything substantially wrong with my effort or speed. Each ""failure"" requires another meeting which lasts 30 to 60 minutes and therefore reduces available time to complete that day's assignments. It's a circular reference where I'm being set up to lose.

This job is the first where I've received benefits since 2003. Unfortunately, I'm ""behind"" in my work and cannot take time to make a medical appointment. And if I were to attend an appointment, I would have to include the assignments I missed in the next day's work. 

I wrote to the president of the company, as he instructed during the new employee orientation. A few weeks passed before he ""happened"" to visit the employee lounge area while only I was in the room. He said he passed my letter on to HR and that he and his family had finally reserved their preferred location for the New Year holiday in Hilton Head. (He had also approved the REDUCTION of pay for all new people in my position because that was the only solution he and the HR team saw to reduce ongoing extremely high turnover.) How does REDUCING pay REDUCE turnover? That's my company's logic. 

My most recent girlfriend broke up with me via text stating she ""had to attend a NYE party (2017)"" yet didn't mention it or think to include me. She later texted, ""I don't have a reasonable response."" That's all the explanation she's provided. 

My mother assists but she does not desire a relationship with me. I have no siblings. I have no friends. I have no addictions other than learning, doing, and helping. I exercise and eat healthy. I am not unattractive. 

It not that I cannot survive. It's that the effort costs too much emotionally and the odds of success are too low. Though I am capable, trustworthy, and honest, I rarely ""fit"" at work. The math for my successful future does not work. Perhaps you've heard a friend proclaim, ""Let me know if you need anything?"" I've heard that I have inquired, ""Hey, do you know someone who can help me find a job...?"" Silence.

""In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."" - Martin Luther King, Jr. Coincidentally, my birthday was his birthday. 

The place I've chosen is public but it's very quiet, and it's highly likely no one will be around to notice me at all. The method I've chosen does not require pills, weapons, nor rope. I plan to disappear. My next steps are to ensure my accounts have a beneficiary and I remove as much junk from my home to reduce the work required of my mother. So much good stuff that just won't sell is truly a shame. 

I have two cats. I think I'll board them at the vet - prepaid of course and give them mother's contact information to pick them up in a week. That will ensure I will have not been found and she won't have to see me again. A week without contact is normal. She doesn't enjoy spending time with me nor I with her. My car will be found but if all goes well, they will have no idea where to look. Rain will have removed my steps. Will have been kidnapped? Murdered? Lost? Drown? All good questions but none of these are the correct answer. Only the car key I leave will lead to the correct conclusion.

All I've wanted is good people with whom to be great friends and I have failed. I am tired of failing.",3.6727174908424938,5.9516698660714304,4.603809523809527,81.78478021978023,74.54563492063492,7.645054945054946,27.94200244200244,8.518826766301295,2.2247004273504265,4187,170,769,81,91,1356,443,1008,0.118,0.708,0.174,0.9973,7,1,1,0,0,0,156.0,4,5,6,45,23,50,2,6,53,1,88,8,1,14,12,161,131,60,2,17,35,4,1,1,6,15,6,6,2,0,36,47,1,10,27,3,7,16,30,23,4,9,24,12,116,27,105,86,26,100,0,11,4,0,76,41,0,16,39,522,152,41,0.054947563156786526,0.0,0.0,0.059900954405839424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439415464044744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037366227178842616,0.11523462187236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043432528446604,0.04891498076942847,0.0,0.0,0.05162504434897287,0.0,0.0,0.03349552449553465,0.0,0.046756329167168965,0.06190708737784556,0.0,0.04859665434582094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761147454875362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718316268821974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404249140179885,0.056230434495844056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622507478357298,0.0,0.06180861281157556,0.09733446331221418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179967233632956,0.0,0.02778313892161504,0.0,0.0,0.06019236962259116,0.05022107726626399,0.04673836915118697,0.0,0.12049433373366222,0.16980940396643812,0.0,0.0,0.15813212836858667,0.0,0.13826222701930851,0.0,0.12115976472459132,0.0,0.0,0.048589948632432274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563920521712175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366038667814526,0.1741653519171095,0.05511688599671073,0.0,0.108224562731429,0.0,0.0,0.062029110563637475,0.0,0.0,0.10905395577005267,0.0488399188217753,0.0,0.0,0.06039548741609903,0.04478959772634202,0.0,0.058181535581241325,0.0,0.05618760613911713,0.03881108885013571,0.02684460384978401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046142114154293735,0.061472268130119,0.17994526817631332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03667792508197551,0.055708204679920034,0.0,0.1197080094157129,0.0,0.055353889103630725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157112507154506,0.08148584368542505,0.0,0.1592060966902881,0.17531207035126614,0.0,0.05383694542133788,0.0,0.12511632968799585,0.0,0.0,0.1861694542457512,0.12537029343828365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237488699798793,0.0,0.05740850850617979,0.0,0.0,0.06194512143620304,0.05262457659484801,0.0,0.1184855332096842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061553846076184686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299049285779453,0.054254089693915035,0.05899311927892738,0.06224487766935966,0.0,0.052267715427456896,0.043696507655973035,0.0,0.05560986742505961,0.08757218750194977,0.050022197811791916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545319205574408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655689195116312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977249362598906,0.0629018137252134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131372918529465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300943878517642,0.07041635957102309,0.053985701817526495,0.0,0.1281614638132799,0.06315414073564997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953434024924428,0.05367578501098206,0.0,0.0,0.18982820955850446,0.0,0.045337494178689534,0.06481899278428836,0.043614818035316825,0.13222686233537315,0.0,0.19761783286000664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296749007477836,0.0,0.32001984320367444,0.0,0.0,0.039033172343976616,0.06007653449897276,0.0,0.07076885829269437
suicidewatch,anthystic,2018/01/13,"nothing is good? i don't know what i'm really asking for, maybe just to have someone acknowledge how i've been because i don't want to sound like the boy who cried wolf to my friends anymore? 

but basically my depression has trapped me in a futile cycle and i don't know how to get out of it. i was given celexa by my doctor a little over a year ago but stopped taking it completely during the past summer because it made me feel even more tired somehow and completely stuffed up emotionally and physically. she warned me against stopping it because i hesitantly mentioned i felt it was making me feel worse somehow and told me that she was essentially worried that i would commit suicide soon. i think she's right. i'm pretty sure i've had depression in some amount since i was 12 and it's only gotten worse every year. 

i'm 20 now and about to quit college. my freshman year i went to a very nice school, but felt guilty and panicked about the cost and about being there with very career driven and intelligent peers when i felt like i was neither. last semester i went to community college but even that was too stressful for me ultimately. my family don't seem to take me very seriously and i don't really want to beg them for help or even confide too much in them because they have told me i was overreacting before and i can tell they are frustrated with me. 

i've been losing friends steadily because i can't get myself to keep talking to them. i put in my two weeks at my current job and don't see many prospects for a new one. i feel like an annoyance and outsider in every group i'm in. i have a significant other who i'm sure is fed up. i've started getting hooked on drugs and alcohol and almost overdosed on pills that i took alone and in desperation a few months ago. beyond not seeing a future for myself i don't see one for anyone else - which sounds awful, but i don't trust any single person in politics and don't think there are enough good intentioned people in this world and we are inevitably going to all drive the earth into the ground. what do i even do",6.466884057971015,6.14587491545894,6.878309178743963,77.80847826086956,65.54589371980677,9.71207729468599,32.251207729468604,9.20300075937882,2.6390685990338163,1661,59,324,26,23,542,213,414,0.22,0.69,0.09,-0.996,2,2,2,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,5,3,20,18,2,1,14,1,34,6,0,5,4,62,75,27,1,3,8,0,6,3,2,1,5,2,0,2,17,23,2,3,12,0,1,7,12,7,0,3,23,11,51,11,44,50,9,48,0,3,3,0,23,22,0,6,22,212,68,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149367324808219,0.09003897913034843,0.08436547116331759,0.08725890100097135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729374884793593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835546152319726,0.05891044296371109,0.08632537666677044,0.0,0.0,0.07876355907016351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567939437385405,0.0,0.07169162055172662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766716954193597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254605773930576,0.0,0.0,0.1451309810372794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623473908039195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770471862447104,0.0,0.07038112046722701,0.09477133246866404,0.0,0.08705407784241774,0.0,0.2225886620072512,0.0,0.14197064786186206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794245938461632,0.0,0.12779991214769698,0.06018912007635946,0.2426832783775261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018463566452235,0.0,0.1320534248197307,0.0,0.04788193509371296,0.14133192650297646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056471846544479225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360637967085277,0.0748863948542488,0.0,0.0,0.09260458303711007,0.06867602530089324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348273617755412,0.08444190046671464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425561415400843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972058342576374,0.056238373166557484,0.08541755827861472,0.08464171916584873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672485553896312,0.0,0.0619343733622177,0.0,0.0,0.0813703960992733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084136040025837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418167430885638,0.06407688303545711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042736503868056,0.05840921846759577,0.07356495429607601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571382470672986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469579101377002,0.0,0.08961159031522921,0.0,0.0,0.10794703462206053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195011940248114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852667774691045,0.2014120488852282,0.07669918679596663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969351648788694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138582286682574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963347853641615,0.0,0.0,0.14087565901479213,0.09650953864241718,0.0,0.0,0.09215720865084256,0.0,0.15881163912922325,0.0,0.12669293116400882,0.06771797489269284,0.0736393185550983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796961654005302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683443449341043,0.0,0.16101138716472085,0.09360625468415304,0.0,0.0,0.08230124306947124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085483497519953,0.0993871571615868,0.0,0.0675812822930024,0.0,0.0,0.15620353223489564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556124858764352,0.17171847229201834,0.059849680897948836,0.0,0.0,0.1627651558399474
suicidewatch,jamesbys,2018/01/13,"my friend committed suicide im a junior in high school. exactly a week ago my friend committed suicide. i wasn't extremely close to her, but i saw her everyday and i talked to her. i've known her for more than 3 years, she used to be my brother's girlfriend up until last summer. i just want to get my thoughts out because i dont want to talk about it with anyone. my best friend and i went to her house after getting an alarming message from her boyfriend. the ambulance was already there and we saw them take her to the hospital. the next day we heard she was in a coma and we went to go see her. seeing her broke my heart. i couldnt stop crying, i held her hand, and im not religious but i prayed for a miracle to happen. she passed away the next day. i can't sleep. i don't want to interact with anyone but my friend who was closer to her than i was. i cant stop thinking of her, every time i close my eyes i see her on that hospital bed.as a person who's diagnosed with depression and has had suicidal thoughts, it hurtsme even more to know how she felt. her parents wanted a small private funeral and its today. i still have to go to school but i just cant pay attention or do any of my schoolwork. 
can anyone give me any advice for moving on? or at least being able to do my daily tasks?",0.896394636015323,3.0816328259259267,2.6817752234993653,92.41833333333336,83.7037037037037,6.0945083014048524,21.532567049808424,7.372421405659032,0.7370229885057467,1013,33,221,16,29,335,143,270,0.09,0.7490000000000001,0.161,0.9418,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,3,0,1,1,7,8,0,1,11,0,19,6,4,2,3,45,45,15,4,5,9,2,2,0,5,0,2,1,0,1,6,16,0,3,7,0,1,6,8,3,0,0,15,9,50,5,37,27,4,36,1,2,6,0,38,13,0,2,17,147,56,4,0.10283516068953066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048932885638548,0.09115716523272326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348115697915945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398628712735989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157142061721027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661701859430098,0.0,0.0,0.06268735947488488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791915671842826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295959525031052,0.1326403426083285,0.0,0.0885717732160557,0.10437552343674672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052204245181697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067921653773936,0.0,0.08664305812504185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987378809686487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178007602203434,0.0,0.1074542541910908,0.09864885657477153,0.11688718331413668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909367929794184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186016054908795,0.0,0.10865099331059552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865796852275218,0.0,0.0,0.22215924029373116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056515514943177074,0.08382438118802985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092975013884255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873272006555586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418627622494673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979169577704235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814934545002464,0.245838926869256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290942701273162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212429216425159,0.17194959798026133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374549249171188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731924284487217,0.16531001367118106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658926186680543,0.0,0.16327926157714254,0.05996400917652124,0.0,0.09747570813394464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881656124428006,0.0,0.0,0.2426193685673048,0.0,0.08248816298387035,0.0,0.0,0.19065844844116653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622247190087638
suicidewatch,Aannoonn8,2018/01/13,Help for my girlfriend My girlfriend constantly is threatening suicide and I don’t know what to do. When she’s upset there’s no talking to her unless I’m agreeing with her. And then it makes me feel like I’m supporting the negative thoughts that she has. I feel like calling the police or telling her parents is way too extreme and I’ve threatened it before and she freaked. And I know she won’t listen to a suicide hotline. She’s too stubborn and thinks nothing is worth it or would work or she doesn’t need it. I really don’t know what to do. I love her so much but it’s taking a huge toll on our relationship and I don’t think it’s fair to me.,1.2974369747899177,3.4622930294117684,2.775042016806726,92.46911764705885,81.94117647058823,5.650420168067227,25.155462184873947,6.868970318607317,0.9367285714285716,516,21,111,6,14,168,76,136,0.15,0.72,0.13,-0.18600000000000005,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,1,5,7,1,1,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,25,28,15,2,2,5,1,2,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,1,8,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,1,3,21,4,9,25,1,6,0,0,0,1,21,2,0,3,5,75,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603121005379064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237455660653935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035903923681761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905185218512847,0.26918192655465284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262786399739396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106144437494909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184082664654036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003578550542225,0.0,0.12575656211677486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849358422623842,0.1396941012906397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807721487723466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919274237701735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069203997568058,0.0,0.0,0.2022680359502811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121518131360157,0.21379085587150398,0.0,0.0,0.14165121224699026,0.1514264946959598,0.16466741508835256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414345761555157,0.0,0.14956629479416564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954089036420304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371553707049144,0.0,0.0,0.133831931646055,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_75634,2018/01/13,"[20M] Looking for reasons to keep going. This will probably be very long winded but I just need to say all of this.  

I've been depressed since about my sophomore year of high school and just generally have had no feeling of self worth at all.  In high school, I had already developed a small friend group so it was easy to maintain my depression and talk to people.  I've always been shy and unable to really introduce myself to people or hold small talk.  Once I'm acquainted with someone I'm more comfortable but I pretty much never go out of my way to talk to someone new.  

Fast forward to senior year, I get accepted to the university of my choice, the top state school where I'm from.  Everything's going great at this point and I'm anxious to get started in college.  

The next couple years were some of the worst of my life.  The only person I knew throughout almost my entire first semester was my roommate, and thankfully he is still one of my only friends today.  What happened to my other friends?  Some of them drifted away, and others I got into fights with and no longer talk to. 

I got through two years of college before having to drop out and come home due to my mental health.  I didn't meet anyone throughout my entire time in that university.  I never partied due to my social anxiety and the fact that I don't drink (the scene at this school is bars and bars only).  I tried joining clubs but never met anyone there and never talked to people in my classes.  I ended up getting an apartment sophomore year with some people my roommate was mutual friends with, and it was absolutely awful.  I knew at the start of the year that I wouldn't be able to last at this school without being miserable.  Everyone talks about how college is the best years of their lives, but I was dying to go back to high school where things were simpler.  

So, this year I stayed with my parents and started working about 30 hours a week just to do something.  I figured time away from school would help take my mind off things.  At first, this was fine.  I didn't have anyone to hang out or talk to around here, so I basically only worked and came home to talk to my friends on Discord and play video games.  At this point I had 4 friends and that was about it.  Only one of them lived in the same town as me.

In November this friend killed himself. 

Since then, things just haven't been the same.  I've just spiraled down hill.  All of my depression has come back full force.  But something else happened in November too.  I got pretty into browsing 4chan during the summer and continued into the fall.  It made me feel included, like I had people similar to me that I could talk to.  I would spend my time shitposting, talking about video games or music, or whatever.  

If any of you go on 4chan, you know there are occasionally threads that people post pictures of their ex/girlfriends just for fun.  This was a sense of community for me.  Like a fucking moron I posted pictures of an ex of mine, intended to be anonymous.  About two weeks later she called me telling me that someone sent her these pictures over Facebook and were harassing her.  

I feel fucking awful.  I can't believe I've done this.  I was so absorbed in myself and my depression that I couldn't even consider what would happen if someone tried to figure out her identity.  Someone had taken the pictures I posted, found out who she was, and created a collage with her Facebook in it and spread it.  I spent all of that week helping her DMCA the pictures and get pretty much every trace of it off the internet as much as possible.  I've spent pretty much every waking moment of my life since then thinking about how awful of a person I am and trying to understand my thinking.  

At the end of November she decided to press charges.  After I tried everything in my power to take back the horrible mistake I've done.  In my state this is a felony.  I didn't even know it was a crime.  I see people do it every day, some people even try to expose their exes and get revenge, but I just made an awful mistake.  I've never had a run in with the law.  Ever.  Not even a parking ticket.  And now I feel like my life is over.  

I've talked to a lawyer and he thinks he probably can get it lowered to a misdemeanor.  But I still feel like life is over for me.  My life is going to be forever plagued by one fucking mistake I made.  I've spent all of my time since then just worrying about what will come next.  I feel like I don't deserve life anymore.  I can't do anything right.  I couldn't get through college after having such a promising time in high school.  I'm disappointing my parents.  I potentially fucked my entire life due to my hormones and depression.  I lost one of my closest and only friends.  It just doesn't feel worth it anymore.  There will be more with the case at the end of this month but the anxiety is slowly killing me and I don't know if I will make it to see the end.  I feel like an absolutely worthless human.",4.349892226686585,5.682328106076213,4.934187203550863,84.04546090135045,70.71987641606592,7.612544059413122,28.197168593434967,8.018070685757602,1.7886912026225332,3905,141,755,52,71,1250,357,971,0.14,0.738,0.122,-0.9724,4,0,3,0,1,1,90.0,0,2,5,8,43,45,9,1,41,4,71,16,1,8,12,141,143,56,3,14,26,3,9,6,8,8,8,1,2,4,45,50,3,2,23,10,6,16,22,22,0,8,45,13,106,23,138,81,20,142,0,9,3,4,59,59,4,12,67,518,151,17,0.03768966174594302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03774075197820245,0.0,0.04159147894945834,0.0,0.03136081782847657,0.0,0.0,0.025630262420813118,0.0,0.057664976149011414,0.042578589837218316,0.07475603387550643,0.07906046346314385,0.0,0.031015380249607438,0.033551789626204136,0.0,0.0,0.0708213557562208,0.0869430703159538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032071126171041436,0.04246334230127473,0.039552974735022416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038485358599413,0.04310693239690461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739891897022236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03009212806844705,0.041702893853062487,0.0,0.024306713838211785,0.0,0.16231025217289186,0.0,0.03911591846209988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713921907432268,0.0,0.036921519906939634,0.0,0.0,0.03148487615697148,0.0,0.13352741369048898,0.0,0.0,0.09957466449411878,0.034092456823062244,0.09526549668821678,0.03601408695321923,0.06774607546767003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245620341099828,0.10770200752820877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411761405465302,0.0,0.04132476874148329,0.2329515133733381,0.1393739398440242,0.13783904875183278,0.0,0.12851941997289118,0.0,0.0904315965430662,0.041552985131096634,0.0,0.0,0.09998653022975408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006234798789806,0.0,0.0,0.05052517160866618,0.15928478776243948,0.0756116075167261,0.0,0.03711672481554229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033500303095146025,0.08339605306785136,0.0,0.06213975727728852,0.030722104695086787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634925894814366,0.11047958970430563,0.0,0.06656132365656117,0.03335416462067111,0.031649823482722154,0.0,0.041142718018852414,0.0,0.0,0.10698860772572373,0.025158141880436784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03798231433686165,0.0,0.03805581424857639,0.0,0.03008352842526431,0.0,0.11082495204531867,0.027946406620646836,0.1453429531620816,0.036400910173379535,0.08016676569340099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040138259701937004,0.10215796086065457,0.1719881167139595,0.0,0.0,0.08369981819623293,0.0,0.0,0.209034127069242,0.06581831775706816,0.0,0.0,0.07125782545038048,0.0424894306428128,0.10828883270349306,0.15337574269442886,0.08127165995912129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024144962413396736,0.03875124947912903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032186765198222236,0.0,0.029972331772627942,0.0,0.30515159873521963,0.060067561429121084,0.0,0.039318537010817015,0.0,0.0,0.12470911068184788,0.0,0.0,0.038419863778965835,0.15967164044881146,0.05803068592460015,0.0,0.0,0.08003080971420863,0.04017216465211106,0.06019802511206185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667587019334209,0.3332287469761385,0.032942425605040834,0.03469957676991172,0.0,0.0,0.07511800962554349,0.07245004021487987,0.0,0.0,0.10988572428145166,0.0,0.0357253923986785,0.0,0.0,0.12794403155561127,0.0,0.07363464600748218,0.03923626707483825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03109791812109547,0.0,0.029916299184578464,0.09069711974173453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633148896437323,0.0,0.0548770452655029,0.03827568100272311,0.0,0.0803209630052835,0.0,0.0,0.1941672516823011
suicidewatch,IAmAYoungVolcano,2018/01/13,"I just want to talk. I just really want someone to listen. I'm gonna start this by apologizing for any wrong grammar or spelling because English isn't my first language. This is also gonna be very long so I apologize for that. I would have gone to one of my friends or family with this but it's not really possible. I was supposed to kill myself on my 19th birthday which was a couple of days ago but because of circumstances, I'm still here.


First of all, I don't even know if I have depression. I never got diagnosed. I faked all my psychological exams because I'm scared I won't be able to enroll. Which is funny for me to say because school is one of my problem here. BUT I'm already on my third year of college and so much money is wasted already for me to just drop it. And dropping out of college in a third world country is literally equivalent to committing suicide. If your parents don't kill you first, you'll probably die first before finding a job that pays minimum (not livable) wage. That's probably an exaggeration but it's so hard to live normally here let alone if you have any kind of disability or disease.


But oh well, let me describe my home life. I live with my parents and two younger sisters. Mom's a housewife, dad works abroad for 8 months at a time and is home for 2 months before leaving again. I never blamed him for ever having to work far away. Life is hard and we need the money and I appreciate him for that. Here's where the problem starts. My parents are really strict and their punishments are very physical. When I was younger, I never thought of it as abuse because that's a typical parent behavior here. I also started believing I deserved it because I was a little problematic child (still a little today, if I'm being honest). Punishments include being dragged by the hair to outside where all the neighbors can see and hear you wailing but won't do anything about it, kneeling on seeds while holding your arms out and heavy books are placed on top of them, the classic belt buckle, and candle wax. It sounds horrible reading it, I know, but ask anyone in my town and they'll tell you that they experienced at least one of these. They are also pretty strict about grades. They never physically punished us for low grades thankfully, but it took a hit to our self-esteem. I'm really proud to say that I'm fairly smart and skilled but because my parents are always criticizing me, I never have the confidence. I always feel ashamed even if I'm good at something. I never got bullied at school but why would I need that if I could all get it at home.


But here's the thing. They're not horrible 100% of the time. It's obvious that they love and care for us because I can see that. They're not using us or abusing us just for the heck of it. They will always put us first above everything. My mom even stays up all night with us if we got sick just to take care of us. We were taught not to ask for material things but they would always surprise us with something even if money is tight. They are not negligent. Just insensitive and close-minded. I know it sounds like I got some case of Stockholm Syndrome but I'm just stating my observations. Or I really do have some sort of Stockholm Syndrome, I don't really know anymore.


Here's the conflict. If things are good, they're fantastic. But if things are bad, they're really horrible. It's a constant case of ups and downs with barely any room to breathe. Like, if it's bad, I literally want to kill myself. But if things are good, I'll suddenly have inspiration to finish all my work so I can graduate and provide for them someday. I don't really know about my sisters but I'm really, really tired of this. It's so confusing too. They never wanted us to do something on our own, always gotta get permission or supervision. And that made me very dependent on them (I only just learned how to be a bit independent because of college). But if we can't do something by ourselves, they'll berate us for not knowing, even blaming the school for not teaching us things that the parents should be teaching. I'm really just so fucking tired.


This is not all. This is just the root of all problems. Many problems are caused by my parents being them. But I'm just exhausted now and if I don't submit it now, I might not have the courage later. I just want someone to talk to. Even if it's not advice. Thanks.",3.8465253315198886,5.487828756069369,4.895191261475691,82.62325612036723,72.42196531791906,7.909044542672563,28.558738524311448,8.539824195847483,2.1302638558313496,3474,137,672,61,68,1138,330,865,0.168,0.728,0.104,-0.9971,9,1,4,0,1,3,94.0,17,7,15,11,49,40,7,3,26,0,68,12,3,7,18,152,126,70,5,32,62,12,5,2,2,14,7,6,5,1,45,29,0,3,11,2,5,3,27,21,1,11,14,14,100,19,89,87,14,74,0,2,2,2,68,30,2,27,39,471,145,23,0.03866241298173664,0.0916172745176034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778046250380057,0.03427189635179668,0.0,0.0,0.04004259987539688,0.08532986825429681,0.09275495307944914,0.1608511239106682,0.0,0.0,0.07887529985464199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834272477760608,0.02703365810270764,0.0,0.031815871632888744,0.0,0.07228827419161822,0.0,0.03632460968515108,0.0,0.06456299981936195,0.21211423291911,0.0,0.06579773165237578,0.043559299834083805,0.0,0.0,0.04220934149888573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883781349926455,0.03971694818404778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041780333359413696,0.0,0.030868790776739794,0.04277922459344392,0.0,0.02493405791159677,0.0,0.03329987964858106,0.03924153533906293,0.04012548066723975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321695484321585,0.03497236600689683,0.0,0.0,0.034747283821204546,0.0,0.03644748209254227,0.0,0.019548877679096358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035336745036639354,0.16443114365781178,0.0,0.0,0.029870484363427638,0.03574277780379266,0.040399030101417516,0.0,0.0,0.09728459304996326,0.12368745416054434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926785591960513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357534932900397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634465768345552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03836647917618406,0.0,0.12832269495373602,0.04026095358807533,0.12748710639187466,0.0,0.0,0.04093791293592117,0.0,0.0790698734648946,0.05461681134478088,0.03777700413792707,0.07749978957605948,0.06827923798223029,0.034215018853652225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03489433719740096,0.036583309981356726,0.0,0.039197618457810834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041014710403161736,0.03903801569652172,0.09056190161748327,0.061719938362173286,0.0,0.028421322095829687,0.057335378672603285,0.2087318544757029,0.0,0.0,0.03628205551967737,0.03788095591456453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859595488261174,0.02940450726766377,0.0,0.0,0.30051023959682466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039399269078103,0.0,0.0,0.04358606150261116,0.0,0.039333573390791216,0.08336924067483954,0.14797883100238626,0.0,0.03886640367676502,0.0,0.0,0.038672875579770116,0.0,0.2724494494014159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149180519741351,0.03870782010719565,0.11738527807570655,0.061617875013921984,0.0,0.04033332869891132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551707411030629,0.11905685755175807,0.0,0.0,0.08209636470846217,0.041208988040796736,0.0617517058989794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042290404638468615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02906932296560285,0.062150766097090436,0.033792653060870724,0.07119031082916047,0.0,0.0,0.15411353543502934,0.0,0.0,0.03069363727406113,0.04508872784907962,0.08887351250359664,0.03664744682939429,0.0,0.042955363397372034,0.0,0.0,0.03776755961482865,0.0,0.5115673468364397,0.033391911360076784,0.0,0.09570161929612786,0.11402046442603901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034762152439719814,0.0,0.034886814162365665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844400913534615,0.0,0.0,0.0823940067102176,0.0422712792682592,0.0,0.02489732636323668
suicidewatch,11music11,2018/01/13,"Pointless The only thing that i see as worth living for is my family. I don’t see a point in growing up just to struggle to get by and probably end up failing. i’ll never succeed in an office environment. the only field i could be efficient in is music and im not good compared to the tens of thousands of other aspiring musicians. i’ll never be anything and i know that i will broke and struggling to get. 

on top of that, i can’t escape depression and anxiety. i’ve been on 20+ different medicines and been to different therapies and none of them help. depression and anxiety have ruined me. they make me a little shit who doesn’t talk to or interact with their parents or show them any thankfulness. it makes me feel like a complete piece of shit for not treating them well. the only thing i wasn’t right now is to one day be able to support them and help them get by and live comfortable but i’ll never be able to do that. they’ve given their everything to me. they spent a combined $28k for my freshman and sophomore years of *HIGH SCHOOL* and now they’re gonna end up paying $24k more for my next 2 years of high school and then eventually college. killing myself would be even shittier because they love me and care and have spent so much time and effort on me. 

i’ll never be anything and lack so much motivation and i’m such a shitty worker. i’ll never have a good job or have any money. 

life along with the realities of the world aren’t appealing to me. i’m gonna have to deal with depression and anxiety for my whole life and i do not want to live with that. i’m basically numb to emotion and i suck at everything social. i can never express my gratitude for people or things that people do for me. 

if my current friends wouldn’t have ever taken the initiative to reach out to me in the first place, i would’ve never been brave enough to reach out to them. 

life. sucks. 

i find peace in the though of death. i won’t be conscious of my being and i will be at peace. however, the people that care about me, the ones that i don’t show anything in return, they won’t be at peace. 

Edit: oh ya, and i’ll probably never find love. i started my first relationship last december and i ended it three weeks later because i couldn’t get myself to truly enjoy it. i’ll never get the balls to approach anyone and start a relationship ",2.5758951175406857,4.501514329113924,4.121555153707053,85.61417721518988,76.59493670886077,7.299095840867992,24.365883062085594,8.192908349453996,1.4823933694996994,1848,62,373,33,42,615,211,474,0.159,0.71,0.131,-0.8454,7,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,1,12,8,11,30,5,2,20,0,40,8,2,3,10,66,71,36,2,7,10,1,1,1,1,8,4,0,0,0,16,32,0,0,6,3,5,2,23,14,1,7,8,3,51,16,63,43,8,57,0,6,2,2,27,25,4,5,31,259,67,10,0.13853832199601893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421080963878067,0.0,0.15897215569633807,0.0,0.0,0.04843460795802314,0.0,0.17100785215901804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445167522255781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124905237009608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262739740547441,0.0,0.0,0.05530578857398085,0.0,0.0,0.044672878349004366,0.07141346339029518,0.17898428059946894,0.0,0.0,0.14474306010708002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779184827485814,0.18405574940394454,0.07157356012485018,0.0,0.045751627546168835,0.06265792185700862,0.0,0.0,0.1245093108074515,0.0,0.06530080019146735,0.0,0.03502456910600448,0.04948590245761077,0.0,0.0,0.1266215164710413,0.11784062591747912,0.0,0.0,0.053517181957478885,0.0,0.18095138821136394,0.0,0.0,0.1161993715840934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285931697143668,0.1463733434704791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482258052555668,0.0,0.06873895388364082,0.0,0.07663606356426585,0.0,0.0380685193394451,0.05646361144513962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678057083607307,0.033841413143156064,0.06942589698154407,0.18349781469330576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503624449862394,0.0,0.09247540570004324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184160709070568,0.0,0.4808218254298705,0.0,0.07366853856288108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387715238445654,0.15804695498077914,0.0,0.0,0.07691520583576301,0.0,0.0,0.14406754330578764,0.0,0.07237153005354001,0.0,0.0654817469146135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936774270439915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873831130405968,0.0,0.05915548501203456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020817806798966,0.11039710601381267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422075966797315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061118636633147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805813736161227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483033404482246,0.0,0.0,0.07860582302384521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567592774101614,0.0,0.06377373684168265,0.07921532246846506,0.0,0.13805805787476708,0.0,0.06805659898180412,0.0,0.04039140482577607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040856745858702685,0.0,0.055563542701221984,0.0,0.062281294629017735,0.0,0.0,0.077336544509926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841364908733076,0.0,0.0,0.0892141372081304
suicidewatch,TheKickinJumpmaster,2018/01/13,"I'm coming too close to the edge Disclaimer: first reddit post, never thought I'd make it here

Can't feel a thing. That's the best way to describe it. I can't remember the last day I've felt truly glad to be alive. Every day feels greyer and colder than the last. There aren't any good days for me, only some being better than others. Many know me as the fun guy but on the inside I'm just a shell of what I once was. The facade requires an inhuman effort to maintain and it drains me by the time I get home. It's an agony to live like this, see everyone around you happy and properly enjoying life. I don't know what there is to enjoy anymore. Already another day and everything has gone to shit. Like trying to run but frozen in place. I'm failing and no one knows why. 

Can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it scares me. I fear the nothingness that awaits me if I take my own life, but there is no other option. I'm of no use but I pretended I was until now before the inexorable truth revealed itself. What is there to do? Go to college, join the Army and live out my life as a slave to stronger, better people and then lay down and die? I cannot see what purpose God has endowed me but I see a rich irony instead. It came upon me, a sudden epiphany. That is ultimately the purpose of my life. I am a nobody, will live a nobody and die a nobody. Completely pointless. There are worse ways to die than suicide, and I absolutely deserve them as I shame myself and my family with my very existence. If I die, I die on my own terms and with whatever scraps of honor I still have.

But listen to me ramble such nonsense to you people because nobody else gives a shit. I've been living out this purposeless existence, this abject suffering for far too long. It's time to make a trip to Home Depot, buy some rope and hang myself... high. I am doing you all a favor. Goodbye.",1.831551525618881,3.7862409145077764,3.4792314335060475,89.21567501439264,78.97409326424871,6.257800805987334,21.08491652274036,7.279313950308263,0.6219783534830161,1467,40,306,19,36,487,207,386,0.191,0.669,0.139,-0.9853,1,0,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,3,1,8,14,22,2,3,28,0,24,6,2,3,3,50,50,27,6,2,9,0,3,2,0,1,4,1,2,1,21,22,0,1,9,1,2,7,11,7,0,2,7,9,37,15,42,40,7,41,0,2,4,0,7,13,2,5,20,201,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691379723844297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972199397951721,0.09208905893487893,0.0,0.0,0.08709585824256147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781802287139681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353549617649817,0.0,0.07473008167672551,0.0,0.09216380543489043,0.15534290279694712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044500968483328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565090512725961,0.09207973070666173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655178377396856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557270246674874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336403948660163,0.0,0.07778425426936086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399385052789874,0.08391771605316764,0.07892878045467454,0.0,0.08279079674286395,0.09882420309308518,0.08881091727388987,0.0,0.08432292400496477,0.0,0.0,0.07470137639799307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588338751690713,0.08424689647504566,0.04991128520816596,0.0736609545844757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695762002116246,0.0,0.09348818716268044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278879961888517,0.17618531932113846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479407776134468,0.14317335667606185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24812519642964995,0.08581081851405599,0.0,0.3101938564201193,0.07771973559856944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724377794112488,0.08903775723944916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773376589903607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352759893401554,0.059510482406584436,0.06679261350180725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176947970112563,0.0,0.09175533250840036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410923135294981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948524349630164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792517570122901,0.0,0.27993115974662275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029610965688028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013478899072714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606304999909274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603123922215565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058345056388849084,0.0,0.0,0.06972088437834634,0.10241946736593023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059625395611044726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585003922214742,0.0,0.07246237468467799,0.0,0.13941808401774053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924572493070726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949815446371577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PmMeFor-CHEAPART,2018/01/13,"Why should I not jump off of a building? I mean, why not?
Why should I be afraid of death?
What's beyond death is exciting.
It's like a new trip. Exciting.
It could be worse. It could be better.
But it's exciting and I think I will become a part of the universe or space. Just tranquil and chill. Be lifeless.
Or if I reincarnate and become an animal again if Buddhism is right, who cares? It's like a new video game.
But I think it will turn out to be: my atoms and sub-atoms breaking down and I become just peaceful and lifeless. I'll be everywhere. What's so bad about that?

Speak of bad, what's even bad and good? We don't know what's even bad or good.

I want to die and just go away and blend into the dark and peaceful quiet space in this universe. I'm fucked.",-0.452151326933933,1.776535329192548,1.1895567476002251,99.56853613777528,93.22360248447204,4.4179559570863915,16.634952004517224,6.11248444174946,-0.5247540372670798,592,15,138,6,22,190,84,161,0.202,0.611,0.187,-0.8728,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,0,1,9,16,1,1,7,0,15,1,0,0,0,34,25,18,3,7,12,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,0,0,13,13,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,6,0,0,0,2,11,10,14,13,1,17,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,5,5,87,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807188737642655,0.0,0.4552673965787821,0.0,0.451645710763852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205590294543338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898163888060971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176719491315658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414728495497208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800687812378693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602048729732784,0.0,0.0,0.07747062781980135,0.2286681408288625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491484181701158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319268290305025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484863683245477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633066378549236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761523610210242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641177222496528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468955593483096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827094828753645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040177832687857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690076925576388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891604245613046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway19360716,2018/01/13,"I can't find a place for myself Hey /r/suicidewatch,

I've been a reader for a while now, but never thought that I'll be the OP one day. I haven't done anything to myself yet, but I am walking on mighty thin ice. I made this throwaway some friends that monitor my original Reddit account could not trace it back to me. I've been keeping this to myself for far too long and now I am at the brink of suicide, therefore this is my cry for help.

I am overfilled with the feeling of guilt that is pushing me to end it, yet haven't done anything criminal ( I did not kill/hurt anyone, nor did I steal something), my situation is something I've been fighting since September's 2nd week until this very same day. I am a nineteen year old male who's life was mediocrely good up until that point. Then, at second week of university I stopped attending, by December 1st I have been withdrawn without academic penalty. I have been battling depression and just general laziness at that point. But in the last few weeks it has gotten worse, because the thought of me losing $1500 for that semester my mother paid for is horrible, also I've been getting $25 a week to eat in the university which I've been using to save up for video games and buy random clothes. My mother is a hard working woman that sacrificed so much to put me in the place where I am now, for that I am very thankful. I have been stealthy skipping university for the whole time and she has no idea, she thinks that I am learning great there and everything is well for me and here I am, writing a post why I am considering suicide. So, to get straight to the point, I want to come clean to my mother the upcoming Friday, tell her everything I've done and hid from her for about half a year now, I do not know how she will react to the truth since it is horrible, but if she cannot forgive me then suicide is the only way out since I can't live with this guilt. Please advise.

PS: I do not know if my depression has anything to do with it, but I've been medically diagnosed with medium severity of depression (not self-diagnosed). I've been taking Xanax to battle my depression, but it has gotten to the point that it doesn't help anymore.",7.149476961394768,5.963994566210048,7.315184723951847,78.07658779576589,64.52511415525115,10.612038190120382,35.662515566625146,9.688023934748609,3.1726356164383565,1732,69,349,29,22,562,211,438,0.175,0.6990000000000001,0.125,-0.981,0,0,2,0,2,4,47.0,0,0,0,3,19,19,3,2,21,0,52,5,0,6,2,56,70,25,3,4,15,3,3,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,24,13,1,2,10,2,3,5,15,11,1,3,22,3,45,8,51,45,5,56,0,5,0,0,22,21,0,4,28,244,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791820865870707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842273893370922,0.059384784452054674,0.0,0.20966959098488813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530565676129214,0.0,0.05177232500831845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315937139182299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780941297724939,0.0,0.09329123011554193,0.10954519354869836,0.0,0.2925991247943297,0.17240360951702172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607375499194731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690423240574151,0.0,0.0,0.07522245949278973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265858228856768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042942981776352585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776241594557957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561643521055535,0.0,0.08874447126356387,0.0,0.0,0.07123495911194362,0.0,0.09363523652375064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760802825428523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385310535584366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091894452301998,0.09587523469010542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548937324322022,0.09396207191275548,0.0,0.09335022665368108,0.06922899836332319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599883219068213,0.0,0.0,0.07499443498767885,0.07516006571983755,0.0,0.09501455172183647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036248625812048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855576851029645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243306326102493,0.0,0.06550298012744846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911937865802062,0.0,0.0575505273435394,0.06459282422581923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746681118672916,0.09322724938609826,0.3211438754238269,0.0,0.0813391258661087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537775376171028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860014511979135,0.09594632774703096,0.0,0.2107640468883429,0.09546448253613288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307659843220034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710049884558496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786977501495546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385652551796489,0.0,0.07423225559998778,0.0781918090330705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054419488999188935,0.0,0.1348493072335712,0.04952316061633492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335194708117085,0.0,0.1401517079689123,0.050093706721735284,0.06741320127123597,0.2725017623402089,0.0,0.07636195300980994,0.0,0.07663579717476238,0.09482091875233042,0.0,0.08186914975437634,0.0,0.061829795103150564,0.0,0.0865505668475391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093838173062626
suicidewatch,BenTheDude100,2018/01/13,"Well, here we go again My life has been a series of failures and screw ups. All I'm destined to do is work a dead end retail job for the rest of my life. What's the point of trying anymore. I simply don't understand why I should go on living. Every single time I make an effort to change something positively, something major happens and I screw it up. I just don't see the point in continuing on like this. ",1.7628571428571431,3.7807921904761934,3.5359523809523807,88.4132142857143,79.47619047619048,5.628571428571429,21.214285714285715,6.6274283507984215,0.3920285714285714,320,9,66,3,8,107,62,84,0.12,0.785,0.095,-0.2732,1,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,6,0,7,4,0,1,1,8,14,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,8,2,11,12,4,13,0,0,1,2,1,7,2,0,5,44,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780352010997334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232829943200656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451768121755605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850388920513792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496296340814767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420878929888408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793845552884064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102474807691095,0.10729498918208147,0.0,0.19392803288255048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659771464362364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152228098221798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500829893506714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381476253762419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806189048601135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491072171981776,0.0,0.0,0.22863163391215754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746429634005755,0.0,0.1981724296866761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988560404322155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unstableworld,2018/01/13,"Scared of being like everyone.  I hate it. I hate being like everyone else. I'd do what I can just to be unique. Even if I have to be sadder than my classmates. Or maybe not like the same things. Avoiding talking about my interests so others won't try to copy them.

I had the habit of carrying a notebook for story ideas or just random shenanigans. But when one day my friend went all, ""Maybe I should bring a notebook like you? Your habits are rubbing off me."" I was just done. It was extremely painful. When others try to walk beside me, I try to atleast be a few inches ahead or behind. As long as they aren't walking the same place as me. When people follow me going somewhere, I hate it. It's not that I hate people or I want to be alone. I just don't want them doing the same thing as me.

It has gone to a point where I want to be depressed to be different. To hurt myself (I haven't though due to being afraid of the pain that comes with it). To fail a class or exam intentionally(despite being smart).Or to avoid situations where these things happen. I mean, why live when all you do is be like someone else? Why stay alive if you are simply a copy of another? Better just let the original live and you go ahead.

Well, it hasn't gone far to an extreme extent yet. I hope it doesn't. Probably not the right thread but I can't think of an appropriate thread. I just kinda wanna rant? I don't really know. 

Curious though if this feeling happens to anyone else. ",1.2729851052901893,3.651431938983052,2.6163636363636407,92.22659989727785,83.84745762711864,5.474062660503337,19.108885464817668,6.850034144686104,0.1855310734463278,1142,30,241,14,33,368,154,295,0.122,0.7859999999999999,0.091,-0.9178,1,3,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,5,3,4,19,23,4,4,15,0,34,2,0,1,2,43,56,22,0,9,19,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,18,3,0,2,5,0,0,10,11,13,1,1,7,2,36,10,33,35,7,30,0,3,0,0,10,8,0,11,16,175,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056896337402809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700489113155777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135344439237236,0.10455893138398792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025203750644313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790421968445393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581169695614067,0.0,0.08789269664321674,0.0,0.0,0.10661711042941906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442923183576996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557408387825904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740090091790084,0.0,0.0,0.1950200419927874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159789145476332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884104832951147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115991013519047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804791677716612,0.0,0.0,0.40300006541010985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013554256068043,0.0,0.0,0.10924313209344373,0.1151983338861709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608221253986825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043496924825019,0.0,0.2492743817563504,0.0,0.1802182594752377,0.0903081423861584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503930705445586,0.11115880199001443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914950336940832,0.0,0.21716982522997194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149270357708332,0.0,0.10661711042941906,0.0,0.09646714166111682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002363157671699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653737465271766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714734749103774,0.0,0.0,0.10216657616499586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470479701055608,0.0,0.0,0.08646386083821288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876823349113904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202129389599545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338593354618706,0.0653874223505849,0.20052078279195576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784908782315895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805694110010436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175226311004823,0.09459833851597847,0.18416259796613052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PixelCat123,2018/01/13,Where did i do wrong The person i need the most doesn't want to talk to me. Not sure what i want to do,-2.568133333333332,-1.0061424799999976,-0.06799999999999963,110.39266666666668,93.8,3.333333333333334,8.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.6208666666666662,78,0,24,0,3,26,18,25,0.322,0.6779999999999999,0.0,-0.7238,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180998987338782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745884130571812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043297548789386,0.0,0.0,0.3448159384210057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506073548684435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690468595792115,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Michael44332,2018/01/13,"Should i kill myself? i'm gonna give you some reasons of why i want to die:
*i'm a 5'2 male so every male and almost every female is taller than me
*i'm shy and introverted
*i have social anxiety
*i'm 18 and have never kissed a girl,i never even had friends that are girls
*i'm not smart
*i don't have money
*i'm boring
*i'm ugly
*i'm weak
*i have no friends,just my mother and my dad who's very ill and old
*i have a small penis and premature ejaculation,like..i can't masturbate for more than 10 seconds without cumming,yes..pathetic right

That's all i can think about it now,so,should i do it?",-2.3572801809443007,-1.1174875648854918,0.8945886344359621,97.29052304212613,115.4885496183206,3.772801809443031,14.012157195363299,5.82211442006289,-0.6852970879276223,463,12,108,6,27,162,83,131,0.268,0.721,0.01,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,0,13,3,0,1,3,17,25,7,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,13,3,7,22,3,6,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,2,3,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23338257928707914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829534604870867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24188638178541005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393832139794733,0.0,0.3927374022118372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006671234087449,0.0,0.0,0.2235787638429756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578537117990977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386459045057755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595107305732421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445642386593688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396313290010647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903764199524254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375820945425777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493396957623508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192304391437442,0.13746874619759605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030639656970695,0.0,0.0,0.2246679294769401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Waytooserious0987,2018/01/13,"I don't know if I actually want to kill myself. I have had suicidal ideation since I was 12, when I found out what suicide was. I'm 22 now. I think have thought about suicide almost every day since then, and have made multiple half-assed attempts. I have anemia, and used to get dizzy sometimes. When I almost fainted once (saw static, couldn't stand) I was terrified. I just needed to vent.",2.283947368421053,4.758882394736844,3.175526315789476,89.21618421052631,80.3157894736842,5.905263157894738,23.97368421052632,7.1686216300943375,1.0274789473684218,306,11,60,4,8,97,53,76,0.252,0.691,0.057,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,0,16,21,6,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,1,11,0,5,12,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.18347910422903854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765470864114813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212564906139452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841384239070824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206152771879334,0.0,0.0,0.09823199720785672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801480597851865,0.0,0.103330146356533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790781585207893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941346471783125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023375200792184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31106198084856856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595527664160774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6169857394996343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204747747168366,0.0,0.1492658256119246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238776699606794,0.0,0.0,0.110898285577843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakeInternetGreat,2018/01/13,"Whole day in bed crying [23m] I can't stand seeing other people happy and not understand what is wrong with me. It's over. i was s good student and this year should have been the best, but im having​ a meltdown. I hope i get reincarnated. I wasn't a week person before. Something happened to me unconsciously and... While my friends would get a girlfriend, i would wonder why not me too. Why ??
Monday is the day i have test of knowledge at my faculty. From someone that cared so much about grades to someone that is not doing anything now.
Wanted to jump off my building but cutting with razor seems the best. Things are getting worse every minute. I will miss a lot of things but than again maybe im just some kind of an idiot so im doing myself favor.
I missed a normal family my whole life since my parents divorced when i was 2 yr old. Missed for someone to give me advice. A lot of things never happened and will not happen. Never had any friends because i always missed my dad and never learned to make friends. I remember feeling normal only in his presence when i was a kid. Never had a sister or brother. I had nobody and still nobody.
There is nothing absolutely nothing worth living for except for things i miss and wonder if there is any chance they would happen. ",2.2102677376171367,4.746479317269081,3.3134939759036155,87.73227576974567,81.12851405622492,4.81338688085676,22.475234270415,6.0378880255834675,0.5003290495314592,1006,33,185,7,27,323,145,249,0.101,0.737,0.162,0.9599,1,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,1,2,12,19,2,0,12,0,25,1,0,1,4,44,48,17,0,9,11,4,1,0,4,6,1,0,1,2,10,9,0,0,8,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,8,2,28,11,23,34,8,23,0,5,1,0,14,5,0,9,16,138,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962901468398847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631948785949902,0.0,0.0,0.12474728894887642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547883315301432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591246679440722,0.0,0.07804808974811607,0.0,0.1925117381572605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351600106891622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075156572950014,0.11830533003480895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727917001071283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864666997482695,0.0,0.046377056511125635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259099843138615,0.0,0.14376181585182787,0.08798745016135141,0.0,0.0769314935210569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244354498542038,0.09763905322124188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109996878839544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972243028749009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551364279815197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478548251654609,0.0,0.0,0.0809916080713045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559563765985819,0.0,0.0,0.06122469491430418,0.0,0.09214639651121537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742572553761693,0.0,0.2829645530288409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973484329729827,0.17601816511670984,0.0,0.09624609864737893,0.0,0.0,0.06975819878869298,0.0,0.0,0.10184567401283208,0.0,0.0,0.06358801614460705,0.08008752084315825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390237824978593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309001873472848,0.08349964707995362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587282569214295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331455364089526,0.07061155506409293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324876653143393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374228397579986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548513132049412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409961235539977,0.0,0.07357331226585011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655284542121049,0.2048071617530416,0.0,0.0,0.198935723096118,0.0,0.0,0.0934718634738272,0.1954685874096921,0.10028286736470338,0.0,0.05906552440902785
suicidewatch,wetheducks,2018/01/13,"Don't know why I keep going Yesterday I reached a breaking point. I don't know if I'll be around much longer. I wanna die so bad but I'll probably just pussy out and just make these feelings go back into my head, for them to come out and make me feel like this yet another time after some time",2.2147619047619083,3.50378380952381,3.3716190476190446,93.33171428571433,75.98412698412699,6.9447619047619025,22.123809523809523,7.554174236665415,0.5855295238095239,232,6,54,3,5,75,49,63,0.087,0.838,0.075,-0.189,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,2,0,20,13,5,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,8,12,2,15,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,7,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24946774718441656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178895470555284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293690824692624,0.19864361332238087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049370586782216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691140400348924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405873153005744,0.1699618399511103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704177026885463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441627001621471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146395628622272,0.0,0.0,0.2614965179907079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623004853318365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176114675582212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489008045817986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249003784129026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256505541160231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774526538453879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146753664454253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thenaze18,2018/01/13,"Really tired everybody included reddit users don't pay me attention. Like is not enough my parents dont pay me attention i have to deal with reddit and every online person nobody wants to talk with me, i don't talk nothing interesting. I'm so annoying, I want to over with this so badly. I can't fucking believe i'm too bad communicating with everybody. I Feel like that ebony girl from american horror story s1, i'm fucking boring not for one or two person, i'm boring for EVERYBODY. 

I just want to be the attention whore for a minute, for a second i want to be popular and loved by a lot of people. That's my only wish",4.128364444444443,5.306082992000004,6.252266666666671,74.97457777777778,71.08,9.715555555555557,27.488888888888887,9.994966539143718,2.8168222222222234,494,17,92,13,9,174,75,125,0.195,0.633,0.172,-0.8483,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,13,3,0,4,0,8,5,0,0,0,20,21,5,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,4,0,2,0,6,8,0,3,0,1,12,5,17,19,2,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,2,2,2,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871123438491306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370866760810374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725450736477796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015032109458144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177651881563802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486026010835795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693406604043971,0.12282836940264233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178970227417481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799473741902926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617057401429004,0.1551754870101806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649735444820889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650568120307946,0.13076215518127035,0.0,0.0,0.1909103167951299,0.0,0.0,0.11919611141275605,0.3002490606243619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014414422122447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763851149432397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761072558899584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795273752480333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40564017012492026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977134988005908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rodrash,2018/01/13,Why was I left out of the wanting to live after a suicide attempt parade? i tried to kill myself a year ago and ended up in the hospital for 3 months and all i could think was how i wish i was successful. All i heard about since then is so many people that attempted and failed and now they were happy they failed and want to live life. why did that not happen to me why do i still want to die every second im awake or not on cocaine? i just want to know what everyone sees in life thats worth living cause im going to kill myself the next chance i get,3.1455672268907584,3.604887117647064,4.391081932773112,90.07469012605043,72.78151260504202,7.2945378151260485,21.597689075630253,7.1686216300943375,0.41403277310924347,433,8,99,4,8,143,78,119,0.187,0.6779999999999999,0.136,-0.9146,0,0,1,0,0,4,4.0,0,0,2,5,6,6,2,0,5,0,8,2,0,2,2,22,20,9,4,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,6,2,14,2,16,13,2,16,0,2,1,0,3,6,0,1,9,64,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478123458952595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460623298056582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239079926796737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609366708982385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467756280582205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860206198660657,0.1345086664649195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354481935473682,0.0,0.08000099062094589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447957621997867,0.1498488278387825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30410450136915457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114751153115554,0.0,0.07736172696977321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294349077119326,0.0,0.1988554435094079,0.0,0.0,0.372898869884454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271539496758584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235868054347807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970704050101066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758994346526444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217287829795293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644371406410155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124165120743313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397598218407554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019765244723847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557138621365224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332111516059867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810603035259647,0.0,0.16187482076033904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064917475510977
suicidewatch,dichloro,2018/01/13,"I can’t feel like this anymore I have been battling this for too long. I don’t eat or sleep or enjoy the few interactions I have daily. I have tried everything. Yes, I’ve been in therapy for a while now. Since I started having these thoughts. It’s not helping. I’m just afraid of the pain, will it be too excruciating? I want  to fade out of existence. I think I’m ready",0.0977922077922102,2.425223779220783,2.2779350649350683,92.44547402597406,90.42857142857142,5.6774025974025975,20.687012987012988,7.1686216300943375,0.5929594805194811,289,10,65,5,10,97,55,77,0.151,0.69,0.159,-0.0997,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,3,1,10,3,1,0,0,9,17,3,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,8,2,7,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917882341947058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30106159905101804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644269192671747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876700942764773,0.2101915856599345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721017611272135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374154933571265,0.0,0.0,0.2603763814948435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130719543618611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24338270309021254,0.0,0.2944335451829847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082511822084296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33646742630332555,0.0,0.0,0.1885249765643484,0.0,0.2335786586153585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975678809036132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353920552023627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youwontloveme,2018/01/13,"Maybe I'm on the edge Will I sound delusional if I said that I am suicidal but I don't want to die? I want to live so desperately but I can’t seem to find a way to. I feel like I have exhausted all the options and the pain I am going through is well beyond them. I want this day to end. I want to sleep this feeling but I know when I wake up, it's still there. Tomorrow or maybe overmorrow, I will feel like shit. Everything seems wrong. Everyone seems to be out to get me. When I try to sort things out, nothing seems to be working. When I seek help from my family and friends, no one seems to understand. I don’t even have the energy to explain to them anymore. 

Will I sound hypocrite if I called myself suicidal then every time the ideation takes over, I, or The Universe, or whatever you want to refer to it decides against it? It always softly says, “We better not.” Either way, I still feel like breaking down. I have absolutely no clue why I even have to get out of the door but I still have to. I almost cry in public but I must hold my tears back. I don’t understand why I have to keep going when there's always an easy way out. I want to give up but I'm worried they wouldn’t be able to cope with this. Especially my best friend. Then that hurts me, too. She is struggling with her own problems but here I am, crashing at her place for almost a week now. 

There are days that I just want to die. And yes, I will die one day. But not yet. Not today. Maybe tomorrow?",0.6500493534695515,2.776168299674268,2.3749896357713958,94.60480209258712,84.2442996742671,5.93619583456717,20.052215970782747,7.229369725052465,0.36610184581976135,1136,33,261,17,33,373,156,307,0.187,0.644,0.16899999999999998,0.1423,0,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,1,1,3,3,21,15,1,1,10,1,25,5,3,0,2,61,55,23,5,12,18,0,5,3,2,6,2,4,1,0,11,10,0,2,16,0,0,2,10,7,1,2,1,9,46,8,40,45,4,40,0,1,0,0,17,13,1,14,24,181,57,1,0.08399669181636825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822110711419672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397839528518116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330214769744926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458827120042722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814934587721251,0.07428824799281995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577001373766051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226642177949156,0.16251275204586033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615259142140373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439613741030729,0.0,0.0,0.11095804550608722,0.0,0.07077083560290236,0.08026243862968782,0.07549081046659742,0.0,0.079184605530339,0.0,0.1698850048022202,0.18002176025083827,0.0,0.0,0.07677145459178353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979127146904626,0.0,0.08776960927689434,0.08057728065175072,0.0954745113275292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630121195023829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899201958503238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466011910124935,0.0,0.0,0.04616238511901007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310962235407005,0.0,0.07417061776458538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531579005568149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059709120111118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383666445248315,0.0,0.0893784022997252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775866516357719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037349006724852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990008896624726,0.06679754071272258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823371676725165,0.0,0.0,0.08622139708460634,0.0,0.0,0.0840573532226462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123959976250536,0.0,0.0,0.08781157992352615,0.0,0.18375749526471474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315505872863245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580366968982719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489791464816266,0.0,0.07961904236653533,0.0,0.0,0.057028240055654975,0.0,0.0,0.1748870369665581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468039757877569,0.2000179927189553,0.06737707957274487,0.0,0.07552311354006966,0.0,0.15158789902924025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061150592038087336,0.08530271783597063,0.0,0.0,0.09183719647961083,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HumanWithNoEscape,2018/01/13,"I'm attracted to boys aged 12-15, I fell in love with a 14yo and I see no purpose in living in a society where I will never be able to conduct a normal life. You know when you're walking in the street and you notice a sexy woman in the crowd? Sometimes it feels like it's the only thing you can notice at all. 
Well, that happens to me very often, but with boys aged 12 to 15. 
I made some research and found out I'm a hebephile, which means I am primarily attracted to boys who have already reached puberty. 
Science and psychology say it's ok and it's even common, since it's not a paraphilia (like pedophilia or necrophilia or stuff like that). But society says it's not. 
I mean, it's already hard for some people to accept homosexual marriage and adoption. How could they accept an adult man hanging out with a boy much younger than him? 
I've tried it all. I tried women, I tried psychologists and psychiatrists, I tried not looking at them, I tried concentrating on intense hobbies that would keep me busy. But I'm still in love with this boy and I still notice all the others.
When I watch a movie, the boy is automatically my favorite character.
When I listen to a song, I prefer the ones where boys sing. 
When I meet friends for dinner, I find it more agreeable and interesting to chat with their teenage sons than with them. 
And the list goes on forever. 
I precise that this has nothing to do with sex. I've never had a sexual thought on teenage boys or sexual contact with them and I'm definitely not interested. What hits me in the stomach is their voice, their eyes, their smile, their laugh.

So I have now come up with the conclusion that my life will be harder and harder every day. I'll grew older, yet I'll still be in love with teenage boys. When I was 15, this was almost acceptable. At 18 people would look me in a bizarre way, but still not too much. I'm now 30. What will happen when I'll be 50? 70? 
I'll never be able to have a family.
I'll never be able to marry.
I'll never be able to have kids.
I'll never be able to walk hand in hand with my love.
And the most important one: I'll still wake up everyday knowing that I'm alone and that I'll stay like this forever.

Some of you might think of me as a child predator, and I don't care. Actually many states allow teenagers to marry with an adult, so there are still people who recognize the difference between kids and teenagers at least. But in a practical situation, it will be impossible for me to have a relationship.

Why should I live? You know the feeling of waking up alone and some of you probably know the feeling of waking up next to someone. Why should I live if the only thing that matters to me is the only thing I can't have?
I don't want money nor success. I don't want a big house or a cool car. I just want to live a normal life and it seems impossible it's going to happen.

So yeah, I'm considering committing suicide. At least I don't have to go through all of this for years and years. But I don't want to die, because I still love my friends and family. Some of them know about me and care for me, but they've also recognized that I'll never be able to have a normal life. 
So... what's the point of living?",3.0725402983279224,4.493421731595092,4.3992565860700115,86.29235715144956,74.0153374233129,7.567713220257429,25.207626608925786,8.188393138257906,1.382767316251655,2507,81,534,40,51,829,261,652,0.046,0.7659999999999999,0.188,0.9982,0,2,0,0,0,2,76.0,0,6,10,2,31,25,0,0,37,3,45,18,7,3,13,113,90,47,2,14,18,1,6,4,2,9,4,5,0,17,37,36,1,1,20,3,1,9,20,0,1,2,6,17,59,25,78,63,15,74,0,0,5,6,53,30,0,15,36,350,96,2,0.3516072109706686,0.0,0.05718631965957095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868063870512141,0.12138634379298835,0.12933576685776846,0.0468633599301762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035722748717929416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949566165893685,0.0,0.0,0.05047974647018177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046788291236821516,0.0,0.0,0.03779292722287764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081879556133836,0.06122578328071169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038705541126590484,0.0,0.04937403998957491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048799542090852,0.0,0.08889158524069292,0.04186471029531472,0.0,0.0,0.053560436820914166,0.0,0.0,0.06425319308667292,0.0905502863321802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660882692866249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546254773035795,0.0,0.052495166389199384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761791896205946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052087440747701656,0.0,0.0,0.1610284398554345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556704757944113,0.1145183486093536,0.0,0.2587296741915202,0.0,0.098420500892147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644493629692291,0.055449874087857495,0.0,0.0594124208317162,0.0,0.1276677766443431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062166614468845124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615725216921731,0.0,0.3163780164971688,0.0,0.062323042960690925,0.0,0.17225020673586286,0.05622943363754605,0.20015357006350468,0.0,0.0,0.07941938193995578,0.13370656398546404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188008430524047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055397077310243084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631820070487878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291575987618589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320405554798812,0.0,0.0,0.04669757073409303,0.05334833323739775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847551972060004,0.06587020614927952,0.0,0.0,0.04965260814115352,0.0,0.057958087037182665,0.0,0.0,0.06246108401111555,0.32759296834918045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708435587886846,0.06410020344038488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167961037350347,0.03754928391884658,0.0,0.046522808434020776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989318467879947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835212872280365,0.1382580285728082,0.04651490634999743,0.0,0.0,0.05268951816518727,0.0,0.10575693963260774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325722485661599,0.0,0.0,0.07547450532329167
suicidewatch,RoDiXuS,2018/01/13,I have an infection I have a fungal nail infection on my hands - 3 on my left hand and all of my fingers on the right. I am a school boy and some of my peers realised my condition and now time is tough. I am in the process of curing them but the process is taking so long I can't take. I need help isn't there a fast way I am feel so suicidal,4.282402597402598,2.745321883116884,5.709707792207791,88.41313311688316,70.42857142857143,9.777922077922078,29.63961038961039,8.841846274778883,1.808535064935064,263,8,68,4,4,90,48,77,0.165,0.807,0.028,-0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,7,0,9,5,3,0,1,8,13,6,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,13,0,7,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,4,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649204119655817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862362907908586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35438263873482584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886485402069027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418495431325817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785458096195681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300995712171708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567750062002426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49047569868158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019126555345894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889708785180715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsamberbitch,2018/01/13,"Got a 3rd degree DWI last Monday. They didn’t give me my antidepressant when I was in Holding for two days. Haven’t taken it since and I’m the most suicidal I’ve ever been. I tried committing suicide last night by wrapping medical tape around my neck. Just as I started to feel dizzy from the carotid arteries being compressed, my friend called me and asked if I was ok because I wasn’t answering her texts.

I’m a worthless fucking human being, not only for what I did to get into this predicament, but also because I didn’t go through with it. 

 I was almost done with my pre-med/psychology degree. 

I was going to help people like me. 

My life is fucking over. 

I fucked up and there’s no coming back from this. 

I think I’m going to do it again. ",2.272592242194889,4.313438496688743,3.7766934720908254,87.19610927152321,77.94039735099338,6.168590350047302,24.030747398297066,7.1686216300943375,1.0095634815515608,587,20,117,7,14,194,101,151,0.126,0.794,0.08,-0.8278,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,3,0,4,1,15,6,1,0,2,20,33,8,2,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,4,0,1,12,1,21,3,18,19,1,19,0,1,0,3,8,5,3,3,11,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124326613641893,0.0,0.0,0.12877162525854885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334637919180235,0.15053662762597092,0.0,0.0,0.12381827680389558,0.0,0.19631867702035752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644245170998373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870876960785514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384779642388116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478447008608002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565632110193108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141907252850149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440750680270275,0.4465950218956449,0.0841289105160658,0.1544698418832684,0.27454263564165066,0.0,0.12878639334793476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793165564095926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625137149615822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373671156864465,0.0786686757752929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178862461921442,0.16221573539182926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511110437300705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224667599435013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163445220330616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332015346098773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397431576804405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35227040437221796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317831083236174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932539734556923,0.0,0.15729801607957974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lazerbrownies,2018/01/13,"I believe I’ve finally made the decision to go. I’ve been fighting this for years but something inside of me feels defeated. I also feel oddly at peace. This is a rational decision, or at least it feels like it to me.

I can’t change my past, I can only act for the future",1.7878947368421052,3.4727400701754405,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,78.12280701754386,8.068771929824562,25.43508771929825,8.841846274778883,2.024588771929824,212,8,44,5,5,75,42,57,0.1,0.764,0.136,0.4767,0,0,1,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,9,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,3,7,1,7,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24119104939973424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339802227998585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190549765467607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574971738892141,0.21546456387223129,0.0,0.33039030218679666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140739471247915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734752649920987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28538315093625416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293819487643491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287913282491373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321879920515972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422183096744625
suicidewatch,-LionTurtle-,2018/01/13,"fuck all of this Fuck living, fuck experiences. Why should I keep going? I've lived in constant contradiction of myself. My entire life I've cared so much about hurting other's feelings and being good but I just feel like a shit head at the end of the day. I'm nothing. I'm worthless. Fuck everything. Who the fuck cares. I want to leave this life because something has to be better than this. I gotta leave the box of this universe. ",1.2643234672304438,3.865810104651164,2.414904862579281,91.67396405919662,87.48837209302326,4.52262156448203,20.608879492600426,6.11248444174946,0.18057209302325594,343,11,68,3,11,109,61,86,0.269,0.547,0.184,-0.8390000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,13,6,0,5,0,4,9,2,0,1,9,19,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,6,5,10,15,2,6,0,2,0,5,1,2,6,0,4,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858087952461772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449485193061267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870377877431297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211652792436287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907815235447972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467565680107165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651014830864424,0.13769479200210905,0.0,0.0,0.1423496252067217,0.10056226025989327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6506730345007977,0.0,0.0,0.07999976760804181,0.11806667017222895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446509290866102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506914185005376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251180465789192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29809877880637264,0.0,0.0,0.19885240351238326,0.06877047456050259,0.0,0.24859544613561466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034781795311711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350674326858565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449284177944394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836746825691823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830266097285911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701815935908142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway673623,2018/01/13,"What to live for? I'm sorry if I'm somehow out of compliance with this post. I read the sidebar, but I'm sure I'll pull some faux-pas. 

I'm 21 and I've struggled with noticeable undiagnosed depression and anxiety for around 5 years now. At first it felt deep and sincere as far as sadness goes, but now I barely feel much of anything besides constant apprehension and apathy. I managed to make it through my undergraduate okay. I came to cope partly by believing I could make actually make a difference and bring meaning to my life and other's. More recently I withdrew/was academically dismissed from law school. There's a myriad of reasons why it didn't work out(light substance abuse, self inflicted eating disorder), but I only really have myself to blame. 

But it's no longer that I just don't believe in myself anymore. I don't believe in the world either. Having faith and optimism the world can positively change has revealed itself to be an illusion. The future ahead for the world is grim and I don't know how to make my place in it. Monumentally terrible things are going to happen as a result of my own and greater societies' aggregated actions and I don't think a thing could possibly change it at this point. I'm a pathetic being for not wanting to live simply to live, but I don't know if I'll ever really feel free or alive ever again. The only comfort from the constantly drilling anxiety in my head is when I remember that I could just die and it wouldn't make any difference. If anything I'd be one less human parasite on this ravaged Earth. I don't want to hurt those around me, but I feel more apt to die than become a burden on their lives and the world around me. I don't think I deserve to live.  

Thank you for reading.",5.223600663011601,6.223022988269798,6.317687109524418,76.17479153385186,68.38416422287389,9.80140252454418,31.541629478515873,9.971965246562196,3.1512531174295546,1393,57,260,33,23,466,189,341,0.177,0.706,0.117,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,1,1,3,14,15,0,2,15,1,22,3,1,8,3,64,48,27,2,9,14,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,18,19,1,0,12,2,1,5,11,8,0,2,3,4,29,8,45,38,9,39,1,4,0,0,4,20,0,6,13,175,47,6,0.0,0.10300406928721792,0.08483627480085587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059118959054070774,0.0,0.13301047440852615,0.0,0.08621641934773804,0.0,0.0,0.14308062593491044,0.2321724426229379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960131663275555,0.0,0.29383880901306936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943077950110006,0.0,0.0,0.1839319592269484,0.0,0.0,0.18789226703613526,0.0,0.20823219730482206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487721346522734,0.0,0.1804501525544575,0.18165769037842905,0.09963534156019684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895647607217362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727584258665972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187124119642474,0.0,0.08347148444639611,0.0,0.0,0.07394708914224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940731261534253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687656476238179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922065926883045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306599562618044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555469249046077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140494627924981,0.0,0.0,0.3838271437909211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29014981104880544,0.0,0.0,0.09469798587397887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390742020667041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897637158305893,0.0,0.0,0.058909583191236,0.1322363678641407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414241657946168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082884518921452,0.0,0.08218192221204572,0.09800644523886767,0.08325994952763635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391757511796374,0.0,0.11138590942561204,0.0893839280159048,0.08583808292389107,0.0,0.09848070442455883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879831260343537,0.0,0.0,0.0906924377692233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731690791411446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090883611137747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819354552615268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003830879968472,0.0,0.0,0.11551184981676338,0.11140921073704664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025533394634557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844555171743632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328990586973336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598345821327744
suicidewatch,Anon47261448726,2018/01/13,"I want to kill myself I feel so lonely, so stupid. I'm a 19 year old alcoholic and I failed getting into my college because I never studied and I drank and was hungover or abandoned my act tests. 
I don't have a job and my father is a pedophile who dated my mom when I was 8 he's still here it makes me sick thinking about what he's looked up. My mother told me on a drunk rampage in a hotel argument after i managed to get us kicked out of his parents house on Christmas eve.. he looked at stepson child porn. He was found passed out with it on the computer with his dick out by my mother.
She even called the fbi. She for whatever reason decided to defend him and hide the evidence and protect him from the authorities. He was found not guilty for insufficient evidence. Why would my mom do that...

I'm homeschooled or was. I graduated successfully but my 21 act is so shit I haven't got accepted to where I want. I have few friends. I'm grateful for them. But it's just not enough. I used to dance ballroom at a local high school I was on their team it was the best point in my life. I had friends I had a purpose I was working out hell I even went out on prom and a date with a girl before that... But now. What do I do now... 
I want to kill myself.
I also crossdress and I feel ashamed of that. I know I shouldn't but it's so...
Idk. I'm just tired of life right now.
I want it to stop. 
I want a hug from someone, but I'm too disgusted to be touched by anyone.

I want to kill myself",0.09538095238095323,2.227916688888893,2.207261904761906,94.82232142857146,86.8730158730159,5.150793650793651,20.813492063492067,6.5620332695718595,0.2210158730158729,1147,38,263,13,36,384,160,315,0.199,0.693,0.109,-0.9872,2,2,1,0,0,3,37.0,1,0,2,5,18,17,7,1,15,0,22,11,2,3,1,50,49,21,3,8,11,6,3,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,12,17,3,3,9,4,0,5,6,11,0,0,16,5,50,6,40,30,3,39,1,3,2,3,28,21,3,2,13,177,62,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423438450637787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296395186922088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128371393460074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086405877422916,0.0,0.0989189841947743,0.0,0.12199571857263965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870280322313775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011586408444462,0.0,0.15356218878568054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755755547200762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549211477133949,0.17962673766608264,0.0,0.12147017593856635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297461337906916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282301312954705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413525989710526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535878371275295,0.0,0.3858355087686713,0.0,0.06388718245811043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642196277138157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523906782429806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759683354331065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722978768349402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965807567832536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219833354235114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908029716671765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989248821335172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195229071255668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927565689285768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764977479787975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193275025355874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849704930019784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283627058898672,0.09718902279143013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448739971176536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361064823820445,0.0,0.11108050522190434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398327351123654,0.10040145364012633,0.0,0.0,0.41139856594553337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776360345462596,0.10489626715295657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463035479832545,0.0,0.0,0.082579659843718,0.0,0.0,0.07486027773810712
suicidewatch,Mousetrinty,2018/01/13,"Friends online talking about committing suicide. How can I help? I have a lot of friends online that I met through random chance because we like the same game , and I have noticed a lot of them have vented quite often. I always end up being the bystander who just watches and does nothing because I don't know how to help them. I am already terrible at socializing , so having to talk seriously like this to help someone cope with what may be depression is really hurting me. One of my friends just talked about commiting suicide now. I am going to send what they said word for word here.                                                                  ""If I wasn't in a relationship I'd just kill myself already. It's all I want to do anymore. It's hard to find a reason not to. I wish I didn't have anything holding me back. Suicide TW above I guess. I give up. I think I'm just going to go to sleep""                                                                                         Can you guys please tell me how I can help them? I don't want to stand by and watch anymore.",2.229761609907122,4.1119729421052655,3.6119814241486097,89.07298761609907,77.47368421052632,6.154798761609907,26.439628482972136,7.048011613610866,1.1720743034055725,729,29,152,8,17,239,114,190,0.165,0.672,0.163,-0.7514,0,0,0,0,0,4,19.0,1,1,4,1,14,10,1,0,6,0,19,1,1,4,3,34,32,8,4,4,6,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,1,0,4,5,5,0,1,4,4,28,5,23,25,4,12,0,2,2,0,26,4,0,7,5,105,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25822923084547983,0.0,0.09735503606848996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206908742279844,0.0,0.0,0.0962826760256444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996731518939173,0.0,0.14264666533058398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077365036207153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023892378566291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362904315082737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693770748831216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711863627573844,0.0,0.0,0.11223897885429364,0.199484797166242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288908929075787,0.11585037411634415,0.0,0.0,0.10481080964011946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136958947455669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525305990701924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944537669260098,0.0,0.06430123882722215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114322533501535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894183117184255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226657367770757,0.13320755143551954,0.0,0.0,0.07928358261149612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843305994788645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244460280813022,0.0,0.0,0.07495447661744736,0.12029754170868588,0.0,0.1256163602350848,0.0,0.0,0.11129569431236394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708649652350225,0.1192688036519036,0.0991354141338356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839435903987564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28212532470834145,0.10226490426694622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497015667619167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802162094817402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454652471617198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thunkin012,2018/01/13,"Quick question Hey, so long story short I had a little fight with my family. I was a little upset and needed someone to talk about it with so I called the suicide hotline. I wasn't in distress or thinking about suicide but I struggle with depression and just needed to talk it out real quick and figured thats part of why the hot line is there for.

I felt bad that I was keeping someone away from someone in distress, but it helped me calm down and deal with the anxiety. I had No one else to talk to at the time...

Anyway.. so my real question. I'm an avid Hunter. I was wondering if calling the hotline would show up on a background check for purchasing firearms. Now I have no intention of buying a firearm anytime soon, no intention of using one. Just wondering for a few years down the road",2.5833333333333357,4.816887248407647,3.674165605095542,87.36292569002123,77.78980891719746,6.224883227176223,27.66411889596603,7.3011,1.592160424628449,626,27,120,8,15,202,93,157,0.193,0.74,0.067,-0.9636,0,0,0,2,1,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,13,8,1,4,12,0,9,0,0,3,0,31,18,11,2,4,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,7,1,3,0,4,7,0,2,7,2,13,1,26,10,2,20,0,1,0,0,11,13,0,6,7,91,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028617790049042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316666990668723,0.0,0.10945760678314342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677222658753197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515165462804893,0.11291064983654307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951180776676976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123583296138131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587032977716686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878692177953215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165219368941943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627802771533769,0.0,0.11601363289311654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440835621229527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766471298538075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196149858202112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370947131412245,0.0,0.0,0.2984262334731499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332253220395132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704740224901932,0.0,0.28679004969216554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31610399775846465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399942919843081,0.0,0.0,0.07644168110318605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322270382773506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829150433482935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843306434895222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312506970460456,0.0,0.0,0.08441992369138597
suicidewatch,Taitoman55,2018/01/13,"Classes and College Make Me Want to Die Long post incoming. Tldr at the end.

3 of the 4 classes I'm taking this quarter make me want to kill myself. Two of them I don't think I'll get a good grade in (B, maybe B-) and the other I honestly might fail. (The one good class I expect an A+ like I got last quarter in the first part of the series).

The quarter just started on Monday and I already know I'll have trouble. I knew it since the first class I had on Monday.

I can't drop them - I need all the upper division units to graduate on time, because If I don't finish on time I never will.

Financial aid pays for everything. There's no financial aid past 4 years, and I have no money so either I finish on time in 6 months or never, which if I didn't would make me want to die even more.

I need the best grades for graduate school. I need graduate school because I can't do anything else - I'm disabled and it hurts to sit and stand and walk. Not disabled enough to go on disability, and not able enough to do any job at all except for teaching university with a powerpoint or handout. That's all I can do, so I have to get a PhD I don't even want. And do get this I need the best grades.

I hate college. I hate school. I hate research papers. I hate textbooks and homework and quizzes and tests. 

I like learning my major material and there is 1 class I absolutely love. But that's it. I hate my university. One of the best public universitites in the nation and I can't stand going there. 

And all my hard work will be useless if I don't pass this class and if I can't get into the PhD program here (disabled and always in pain - definitely cannot travel to another state or city for a PhD program).

I just really want to die now. No, I'm not at risk of doing anything. I'm too scared lf consequences and I'm not quite ready to end my life. But it doesn't change the fact that I do think about suicide daily, several times a day, in class and at home. I hate feeling like this.

Something that keeps pushing me forward is actually something I want to make into a story - I don't want to elaborate and have someone steal my intellectual property but every day I think of it as reality and it helps.

Tldr; Daily suicidal thoughts because of classes and disability but I have no intent to attempt.",1.4906382978723407,3.6051641125265377,3.5255165559922297,87.63537877761215,80.9108280254777,6.386429958892353,23.821701224194783,7.53845456269673,1.137287807742692,1791,65,375,28,47,607,203,471,0.128,0.779,0.092,-0.9657,2,0,2,0,0,6,53.0,0,0,2,9,14,25,7,2,23,0,32,3,0,5,7,79,76,36,6,17,19,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,16,25,0,1,8,1,2,7,22,15,0,8,5,2,50,10,47,66,13,56,0,3,0,1,5,21,0,8,27,243,66,35,0.07379317191044524,0.0,0.07201149099157286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143260018663907,0.0,0.06140183047724045,0.0,0.0,0.05018188737479115,0.07737857489328852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145098579312515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495089801944574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232324143729296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806339125583645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518098225088124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297569860111097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164472619817465,0.0,0.13071769467763972,0.1524961454834838,0.0,0.09747938817373916,0.0,0.062173930007957214,0.0,0.06632054470191542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03731204495465058,0.052717856757395015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553686865953076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421554648942384,0.0,0.08387672032204009,0.1237884230103078,0.05901914071132808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610418757564282,0.4371328788839784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946200763826679,0.0,0.07402056815364604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899711675681499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322833664789788,0.06559076178544455,0.08164121135089522,0.0,0.04055479742381328,0.060151284150467825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212229964370858,0.10815484907506294,0.0,0.0,0.06530463500504652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660121872696398,0.0,0.19703006105437185,0.0,0.07413515966048262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782828939587229,0.0,0.0,0.05890100579099136,0.0,0.0,0.21886680776683606,0.11382768676416438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000832613763484,0.0,0.07852113771817977,0.0,0.0,0.07991081408690531,0.07044393245996654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067346037343579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848812170783206,0.0,0.0,0.047273795507990005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387983840527935,0.22404788880838608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336527986750633,0.0,0.061042474361917926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252471509182622,0.11361917788970405,0.0,0.0,0.05223118688958455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143550590714462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554832816030985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418510547675793,0.0,0.05858353571960383,0.17211756787979762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208520638925353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30467587295556825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372230802323983,0.0,0.0,0.05242055209564557,0.0,0.0,0.047520383306149744
suicidewatch,MemeInternetHero,2018/01/13,"I feel lost. I’ve read a lot of posts on this subreddit, and me making this post almost feels wrong… Because my situation is barley anything compared to the situations of others. I have a good life, I don’t hate my life, I’m not from an abusive family, I’m not bullied at school, I have friends and people who care about me… I don’t hate my life, I hate myself. I feel inadequate for this world, I don’t feel like I’m enough… I’m in the IB program so all my friends are overachievers and smart people, basically just so much better than me, it’s not like they brag about it… It’s just there…I’ve always had a hard time dedicating myself to anything in my life that’s productive which just adds to these feelings of inadequacy. I want to die to just get away from it all if death is simply like a permanent sleep I would happily accept it, no more worrying no more trying, no more feelings of inadequacy… My feelings cripple me, I have exams to study for but all I want to do is sleep… just to get away from it all, and just the thought of going to sleep and simply not waking up is almost intoxicating. I know how I’m going to die, it’s quite simple, I’ll hang myself from my closet… Or maybe I should go into the woods and do it… I tried talking to my friends but I probably just seem like I’m trying to grab attention, which I’m not…I just want to feel like I’m equal to the people around me, I’m equal to my friends, to my family, to feel that I’m not just a worthless piece of flesh, lacking any type of real skill or abilities.   ",3.915013477088949,4.433436,5.418230008984729,83.18764150943396,71.0754716981132,8.447079964061096,26.46361185983827,8.563005593585519,1.6180177897574115,1200,36,259,19,21,407,142,318,0.095,0.748,0.157,0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,4,15,19,3,0,11,0,16,9,4,2,4,58,52,14,3,7,19,0,11,5,4,2,5,0,0,0,16,9,0,0,14,1,0,4,11,5,0,0,3,11,34,14,42,47,13,17,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,7,6,163,50,5,0.0,0.10407862334062856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592251591728258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309173352978778,0.0,0.0,0.059735696990004465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445732646978915,0.07819816690428254,0.0,0.0,0.16506124589810964,0.0,0.0,0.053547779715889005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768927285154557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956096041267961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823326358797063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076445721052294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656195856249858,0.0,0.399740825879596,0.12550894683184735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271466612158691,0.0,0.09178783061144788,0.0,0.14976821155364892,0.07367785584255357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786893424174533,0.2601779104316752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048275766758364286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481821279207517,0.21457626879378644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589011991245126,0.07468028311196273,0.0,0.0,0.05863533956565846,0.0,0.08824928007807166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645741120946832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269612894752868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682570598659241,0.0,0.09470873090340227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343097481839503,0.08786595480293438,0.09998363587949012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889009793324436,0.0,0.07996822470081175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747658930576625,0.26371686610474665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060421966282909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973688160057813,0.051221483583980605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891722937208446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543478715260542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920800126525588,0.0,0.062400566815015275,0.096041637917145,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BooleanPentathlete,2018/01/13,"I'm slowly dying. Someone please respond to me. I can't do this anymore. I'm sick of this pain. The lonely nights and the heartbreak. I was alone and not heartbroken, now I'm alone and heartbroken as if one thing was not enough. Why does my life have to be miserable?? I was minding my own business and trying to do my own thing but he had to hurt me. He had to stomp on my heart and use me. This is so unfair... I just want to go back to the way I was before I knew him. Alone and slightly sad and depressed. Now I'm alone and I have severe depression and I literally feel like there is a hole in my heart. 
I feel betrayed, lied to, used, humiliated. It is my fault though. I set myself up to getting hurt. I made it so easy for him to hurt me. I got so invested so soon. He came on too strong and disappeared over night. Why do I have to deal with the worst type of human relationships?? Why can't I just be normal and not have to deal with any of this? the heartbreak and the betrayal. It is literally like I never got the relationship and what a good relationship brings, however, I got the heartbreak. At least people who get into relationships and then break up, at least they can say well I enjoyed my time with that person. In my situation, I never got a relationship yet I got heartbroken. What's wrong with me?? I really want to just want to die and end all this pain. I just need to die. I can't do this anymore. ",0.5750080580177261,2.8639524315068527,2.6710556003223225,91.20903706688156,86.32876712328769,6.038033843674456,19.547139403706687,7.39963492309942,0.5089323932312659,1098,32,244,19,34,369,137,292,0.293,0.589,0.118,-0.9969,1,6,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,1,1,17,22,0,1,11,0,24,6,2,3,3,45,48,24,3,6,9,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,15,21,0,0,3,0,1,4,8,16,1,1,14,3,39,6,34,32,7,29,0,11,0,0,18,10,0,1,14,171,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379988979458184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055482087637028776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618251407176172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273551381699131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942469037675493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331401145024487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822562291846085,0.1405418561478612,0.0,0.2540238699649155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713975006672553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226203488171773,0.08430137795369191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250587040018828,0.05828590556598795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525187984077999,0.0,0.04636788083375022,0.06843146494882177,0.3262636489488619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336242836945508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620223262373327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057627445836731024,0.07971876080753246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719977283809096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237980503560598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060495868353172264,0.1258501428095382,0.0,0.0,0.15312810380720068,0.0799381245979226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528559212769052,0.0,0.17362904713814134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056562285467313386,0.07123878823328121,0.0,0.08955823556541076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226684372630564,0.0,0.0,0.4379705500035608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488140896851143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217030298102986,0.0,0.0,0.0917074210748507,0.0,0.0,0.06912856219010227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840580885037887,0.0,0.08015900093554168,0.0,0.04757414719008924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539234717814486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093027519605508,0.0,0.0,0.1443667173430117,0.06476011465986765,0.0,0.0,0.0733566829539773,0.0,0.22085924945707516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920278560764856,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theoape,2018/01/13,I want to die I am tired to trying. It has come to a point where I have no hope for the future. I look forward to my death. I felt so angry I started smashing things in my house just because I could no longer cope. Then I took my car out to the freeway even though it's -20 and the roads are freezing and stomped on the fucking accelerator hoping that I'd crash into someone. I even cut someone off on purpose and braked hard hoping they'd crash into me and send my brain through the fucking windshield but unfortunately it didn't happen today. I don't need help because I have decided living is no longer worth it. This is just a cry for attention.,4.279469696969695,5.12220921969697,5.058787878787879,84.91651515151518,70.43939393939394,7.078787878787877,29.060606060606066,6.937597516519254,1.4293878787878789,515,19,105,4,9,167,86,132,0.243,0.679,0.078,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,3,0,7,0,11,4,1,0,0,21,24,8,2,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,3,4,17,3,15,19,0,19,0,0,1,2,3,11,2,3,5,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126242845768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428383576248245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422017723599415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180291908754474,0.0,0.181332589601118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713269405330299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806751947943984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585026540516291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30522753449657003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459796675478383,0.0,0.14787922330956393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064962056312637,0.0,0.0,0.491884958810438,0.0,0.19048011513638505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576863318391348,0.0,0.13862559384765974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240470206129984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605392514660352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797434366726235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684444863542112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967179325849807,0.0,0.16219022710386344,0.0,0.0,0.189735135111998,0.15647650418685755,0.0,0.1834099147967292,0.1120784598583477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736844022016918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ivecrumbled,2018/01/13,"debt deb debt debt lost my job last year, then 3 weeks later lost my second job.. pretty much gave up for the rest of the year.. 

i've always been so bad with money, and its just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now all my stupid decisions are catching up with me, and I have abolutely no money, income, or anything..

I used to be able to freelance.. I used to be able to get work done.. I used to be able to just communicate with people like a normal person. I don't know where I went, I don't know what's wrong with me..

So much debt.. Ill never make enough to make my monthly payments.. much less any form of rent, or anything.

im going to be struggling my whole life. The painful memories of watching my mom in tears while her car gets repoed, and while our house was bought by the bank.. I know thats where Im headed. What's the point, I don't want that.. I don't want to work my life away to barely even survive

i miss feeling emotions..",3.6002225693088654,4.035016253807111,4.276345177664975,91.39394767668881,71.74111675126903,6.873721202655213,23.275673565013665,6.297961479604792,0.3495860210855133,730,16,166,4,13,233,114,197,0.208,0.7440000000000001,0.047,-0.9819,8,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,5,8,9,1,1,7,0,13,5,1,5,2,28,34,12,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,9,0,0,5,0,9,4,6,8,0,1,9,2,22,1,24,21,9,24,0,3,1,0,5,8,0,2,13,101,27,4,0.3375967618500771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363585005733033,0.0,0.0,0.07652579158143295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520891326285935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572775692132637,0.0,0.09395973157288376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151595661549383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658363926648436,0.0,0.11627590009800352,0.0,0.07432649241702828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056899688813040215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175869161827789,0.0,0.06395467322660954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549055810877693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298471121887002,0.0,0.0,0.2431082897955165,0.0,0.22334179606752444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855343513947428,0.09172880644912992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896971787805506,0.05497757505627663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456844969053173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502323066778297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179641575695186,0.08982217148258345,0.0,0.2481724643410801,0.0,0.08679181163966067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025771601118584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974225231665925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801569575677453,0.0982588235777832,0.0,0.0,0.10637935362171268,0.0,0.0,0.11448575834274452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764314520041146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915752090401566,0.0,0.0,0.13274887797977838,0.0,0.09026658627779086,0.0,0.0,0.10431852682408227,0.0,0.1256382427767321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384964225658938,0.0,0.2293599613489855,0.0,0.12303635408517463,0.0,0.21740124608683206
suicidewatch,FrozynHeart,2018/01/13,"I just can't stop thinking about it I think about suicide almost every day. I just want to do it so much. There's so much pain in this world, and I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. The thought of ending it all is just so comforting. 
The last ten years have been a nightmare thanks to my parents, who were abusive as fuck. I'll never be able to recover from what they did to me. To make it worse my depression is making it really difficult to find a job, and really my best hope for any sort of income is SSI. Half the time I have to steal anything I need that isn't food because my food stamps won't cover it. I can't think of a future for myself like I used to be able to before all this happened. I just feel like I would be so much better off dead, and not having to deal with this shitshow we call life. 
The only reason I haven't done it already is because I don't want to hurt my friends. That's it. But eventually that's not going to be enough to stop me. 
I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, and I want out. ",3.0052827380952394,3.4011181294642867,4.299178571428573,90.83748809523813,73.0625,7.223333333333334,23.86190476190476,7.03164865440522,0.6255140476190477,807,20,189,7,15,267,116,224,0.136,0.71,0.154,-0.4229,3,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,1,2,13,14,1,0,7,0,26,5,0,5,3,43,45,11,2,7,8,1,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,18,9,2,2,8,0,0,1,11,6,0,2,5,1,24,8,31,34,7,14,0,2,0,1,9,4,1,3,11,134,42,1,0.225131737472288,0.13337214754525875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271845743319785,0.0,0.12421923527798115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654865078869354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232701888700498,0.0,0.0,0.09263211873623964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723821756586718,0.0,0.0957852634264716,0.0,0.1181309344763702,0.099555363328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149423375982214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259567299283817,0.34815140374876463,0.09695281779805758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519396575194177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969994838026308,0.11631063315786246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948415993363103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691668545891294,0.08041707911682533,0.0,0.0,0.10288316472217927,0.0,0.2722301905869041,0.0,0.08696811095383435,0.1040653317843216,0.0,0.0,0.06397377728421362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954162596888172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111803306611363,0.0,0.0,0.12050409062471512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170425552213804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186325760559561,0.09175620698632206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795086020565702,0.1099879950856512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502771829393438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24824659654777154,0.08346616535090705,0.08681773743500093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561141558615039,0.11977802081910778,0.0,0.12499107595905187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422515585235288,0.1157364608797198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822021325872607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312879021754328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363552823081727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638299042666206,0.0,0.08936472604694598,0.0656380632907827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722076872912554,0.0,0.0,0.26557706344668336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471423701333885,0.07996356347760405,0.0,0.0,0.07248872884910018
suicidewatch,jojoharman55,2018/01/13,"Feeling hopeless I've been trying so hard these past few months. I've put in work and trying to get better. Just like every other time I've tried I've just ended up worse off than I already was. I don't see a future for myself. My family isn't even enough of a reason to stay here. I can't even get help. I have no insurance and can't afford it. I couldn't even afford to fix my car and now it's crapped out. I've also looked for any free or reduced care and have come up with nothing. I'm just stuck in this home where I'm constantly reminded that nothing do is ever enough. My dad gets mad at me just for feeling the way I do. I'm not good enough for him, or anyone else, or even myself. I want to leave so bad but I can't make it on my own. I don't have the money or the means. The only thing I have now is my retail job working 15 hours a week max. Things are just going to get worse too. I haven't told my family I dropped out of school and they expect me to start back later this month. I'm just a failure. I had opportunities and I just kept messing them up. Now I'm in a hole too deep to dig out of. I just don't want to be here anymore. All I've thought about lately is just ending it all. I see no reason why I shouldn't do it. I've run out of reasons to keep living.",0.15367391867392044,1.7387627097902119,2.445306915306915,96.39750453250456,82.74125874125876,5.0761978761978765,17.235949235949235,5.82211442006289,-0.6146877492877492,989,19,243,6,27,337,146,286,0.105,0.828,0.067,-0.8988,3,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,4,27,11,2,0,9,0,25,1,1,4,3,45,52,14,0,5,15,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,12,12,0,2,7,0,3,5,13,5,0,0,7,6,30,7,33,42,7,41,0,1,3,0,6,15,1,4,19,156,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410212582883647,0.08268724300209063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703141004271454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254290781644447,0.07229819807658182,0.10594334157586073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795065832370097,0.08633290640179828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914470175899938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542102431419673,0.0,0.0,0.08906811353865622,0.0,0.1117363697302205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637565654574733,0.0,0.1831596536519616,0.3205129335270309,0.0,0.2731732841546401,0.09352929726221924,0.08711716890755959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949486280922792,0.0,0.1045621443645187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608448766181126,0.0,0.058763394969339376,0.0867252315786475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262418627529656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930541584516875,0.0,0.10371649882272868,0.0,0.10182607861585694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260643603771058,0.09190478183551808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166373063011773,0.10948341978130773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051497872628179,0.0,0.09130221765405344,0.0,0.0868281732869963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901888422745553,0.0,0.0,0.1126305976209988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165062394146943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984260987682117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863874295905665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870497106813432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039434227092524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189307080999916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464416929627512,0.16478943825839112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318554786419157,0.11020837685339413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738590696620145,0.0,0.0,0.08208636281852537,0.06029213221290521,0.0,0.0,0.09880110024797267,0.0,0.21060110902063184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197349083188963,0.08207242012336148,0.0829395381816882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330049936227423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054976841790602,0.0,0.2107425355946481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lemonmattress,2018/01/13,"My death will bring the family together I feel as if nature is pushing me to go. The longer I stay, the more the family falls apart.. it isn't my doing but somehow I think I might be cursed. Maybe it's better for them all to be happy instead of us all being miserable. My mother will understand why, they all will. I love them but i'm not meant for this world.",-0.09600000000000007,2.205669066666669,2.1243333333333325,93.1905,91.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,15.5,7.1686216300943375,0.04700000000000015,280,6,61,5,10,94,53,75,0.081,0.743,0.17600000000000002,0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,3,1,3,4,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,0,3,13,18,4,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,1,13,3,6,10,4,7,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,3,0,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373078965091171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058978420415873,0.0,0.13567103218651969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524928643865826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856324253580555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421699507638789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269564255850214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846459109608259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28599421586412394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192910082570453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793313612218808,0.32275682205175105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421177401999187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,megagog,2018/01/13,"Spending hours thinking about what I want in the background while I go... I've been in and out of suicidal depression for the last four or five years, and it never really gets better. Every time I'm motivated to do something and feel 'fresh' about life, I always come back down with an overwhelming negative outlook, sometimes even in less than 24 hours from my fresh high. 

My mind has rotted for years with suggestions of suicide and fantasized ideas of how I should go just lingering in the background. At this point I view it the way some people fantasize their marriage proposals. It's literally just as important to me at this point. You know how happy couples spend years at times imagining when they’re going to get married or how? They don’t know when they’re going to do it and sometimes might have moments of doubt that they’ll ever propose or be proposed to, but they build on it in the back of their mind. That’s the way I deal with my suicide. It’s there, it’s fantasized and played out in hundreds of different ways, and there’s no way I can get better or seek help.

I don’t think that it’s going to go down the way I plan it. I’m pretty sure it will happen, if I can wrestle free from my inhibitions and just go. It may be ironic, but I honestly think sometimes the secret is to just breathe. I need to relax and just go with it. You know how some people say ‘don’t overthink it and just live in the moment?’ Well maybe the alternative is ‘die in the moment.’


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suicidewatch,fr3sh2332,2018/01/13,Drinking wiper fluid It’s going down pretty smooth. Wish I could just pass out from Tre methyl alcohol ,2.5598245614035093,5.5226509473684215,2.406315789473684,89.09087719298245,92.15789473684212,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,0.15814385964912248,84,2,14,1,3,25,19,19,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.7096,0,0,3,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590596401621769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34296171184601226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207966828546769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24412386842555625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370080370395139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939627264360527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Keikei96,2018/01/13,"Suicide is extremely attractive to me And I’ve wanted to go through with it for years. I daydream about it, I crave the feeling of going through with the act, and I’ve spent countless hours researching methods. Help me?",3.913536585365853,6.552968097560978,3.9489634146341466,85.00685975609757,75.34146341463416,7.0268292682926825,34.640243902439025,8.07648339933343,2.9456292682926826,176,10,31,3,4,54,30,41,0.1,0.735,0.165,0.2247,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,9,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278214444518093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121379866172642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020071947097034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44372013321103815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928498315527223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657575266367628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901519436650793
suicidewatch,Jojoisdead178,2018/01/13,"feel. Nobody fucking understand, how long I've been feeling this. Ive been keeping this all to myself for years now. The things that I know is true but no im ""over thinking"" or ""over reacting"". I deserve to be dead straight up. Idgaf, it's the truth. Friends are overrated ass hell. Family is fake & will always talk shit behind your back. I've been dead for a long time. But nah it's all bullshit. Which piss me off. I literally can't think of one single thing. I feel like I can't even feel anymore, but just angrier.  Fuck it, I'm ending it.",0.4407722007722015,2.8214951171171165,2.0661068211068248,94.3712837837838,88.81981981981983,5.333590733590733,20.54118404118404,6.868970318607317,0.4221886743886745,422,14,92,6,14,137,80,111,0.3670000000000001,0.526,0.107,-0.993,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,0,5,10,5,0,3,0,11,5,3,2,4,20,23,5,2,0,5,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,4,9,4,10,18,3,12,1,0,0,3,3,5,6,1,8,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953700983170022,0.20774235769890773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014737078294705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743065204972178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981830980343307,0.0,0.0,0.12663767503825785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807485756881609,0.0,0.38778336323229795,0.13697391700607614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813224930316268,0.3545076810941543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071042746743285,0.0,0.0,0.1704208803956077,0.0,0.0,0.10537130676786116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367093828812424,0.0,0.0,0.3393549057374596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992307547073625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681091561307204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410752410076256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547574429917269,0.2457092125017423,0.0,0.0,0.11180091010977984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960055762301396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346960668427445
suicidewatch,justthrowmeaway17,2018/01/13,Nothingness Only reason I haven't killed myself is because I don't want to put my family and friends through a similar situation of what I'm going through if that makes sense. I fantasize about doing it one day.  ,5.162357723577234,6.700965073170736,6.432682926829269,73.28528455284554,69.0,10.34471544715447,33.178861788617894,10.504223727775694,3.907871544715448,172,8,30,5,3,58,36,41,0.031,0.797,0.172,0.7556,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,8,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339611383798967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518317608737564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31454506863133924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577849830693293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962673689493265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691454898374656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272072277325505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609673429041674,0.2537635585661077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33542058079405346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430581770853937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37504795765467824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968013851667634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elephantbookworm11,2018/01/13,"Didn't know where else to post Not even going to use a throwaway cause it won't matter. I've been thinking of killing myself for a year now, I think I'm ready to do it. Haven't set an exact date but I'll do it. I'm not going to see the end of this week, that's for sure. Before I do it, I'll send my user handle to a few people in the hopes that they find this. Hopefully give them an idea as to why I did this. So if you know me as a friend:

Hi, kabalo ko lisod ni sabton. I know none of you will expect this. I know some of you will say I mentioned doing it before, but never really thought I'd do it. But here we are. If I personally sent you my username, you meant something to me. You made me happy at some point of my life and for that, I am very very thankful. 

If you know me as family:

I am so so sorry I did this. I'm sorry you'll have to spend money for a funeral and all. I'm sorry for everything that's about to follow but I this is what I want. There's no way I'm going to be happy. Love tamo tanan, ayaw mog sigeg away. 

If you don't know me:

Be kind. Please be kind. ",-0.5040782312925174,1.0523496857142869,2.262270408163268,97.02537840136057,84.79591836734693,5.226190476190476,15.106292517006805,6.21433560688645,-0.7829013605442171,823,12,210,7,24,288,127,245,0.068,0.732,0.2,0.991,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,1,9,2,0,9,11,1,0,9,0,23,2,0,3,4,39,52,16,2,8,10,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,17,3,0,0,12,0,2,6,9,1,0,0,8,2,33,10,27,37,5,20,0,0,1,1,21,5,0,8,6,135,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163152060947422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022072886859236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205673669125094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992555017924796,0.0,0.1052356882620841,0.0,0.0,0.0784768315500676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678413790625464,0.0,0.11200912779636253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859564950650716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179692830103653,0.0,0.0,0.11397911078242733,0.2025775717822414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529636315948974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602214669857896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412877454331562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145227336282553,0.2474571101619601,0.39178891853157133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392323763565464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723605720113072,0.1124265493158491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163820544302187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237203741317765,0.10374552727386466,0.0,0.13042426185051026,0.1123195020119584,0.0,0.11379286121290295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611655666530573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448723301788027,0.0,0.0,0.0946809496942848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091470343127467,0.0,0.3990142724839361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119826512253187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938978724620604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226495964943818,0.0,0.094326613049327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261885464129096,0.0,0.1960712471868702,0.07008074104471555,0.09431059129898466,0.09530700905642256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721293767285864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651359299187753
suicidewatch,Dontcha,2018/01/13,"Whats the point? Disappointment after disappointment. Everybody sais it gets better, but it never has. I'm depressed for over 2 years now. I scared everybody away with it, I can't talk to anybody about it. My therapy has come to an end, and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I just don't want to feel the pain anymore and let it all go. ",0.8524295774647896,3.142599929577468,2.82899647887324,90.58743838028171,84.91549295774648,6.366901408450705,21.551056338028168,7.6454224807358475,0.8983366197183101,269,9,59,5,8,90,49,71,0.19,0.735,0.075,-0.8141,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,1,2,13,13,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,11,12,1,10,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745583420667874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479031743821629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116038348168452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060991695670575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466639990279529,0.2060721527840362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191114876075032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097579181535685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250021800565416,0.0,0.13597556322853466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148967675773832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465702604973946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453015043187626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545868719134759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261756927964633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395385179539801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230613296451152,0.0,0.0,0.2736118274725182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112028520025408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407399955745918
suicidewatch,Cedd1710,2018/01/13,"i dont even know what im trying to achieve here I posted 2 or 3 times in subreddits like this before. In the most recent one i actually tried to say goodbye ( to people i dont know, i guess i wanted to tell somebody at least)and end my life afterwards.
I have told the story of my depression in those posts before. I tried to end my life after the last post and woke up in my own vomit. I did not succeed, tho im not sure if i even tried honestly.
Im scared to try again and hate myself even more because i cant even kill myself without crying for attention on reddit. I am crying for attention here, i cant irl. I cant open up to people i know in personal i try to hide my depression.
Trying to hide my depression actually sometimes distracts me from my depression but as soon as im alone i drop into a hole again.
It feels like every meaning of existing is being sucked away from me.
I dont cry everyday or something like that, its just a feeling of not wanting to be alive.
Sometimes i desire to disappear.
I dont know what im supposed to do and so i post here seeking attention.
I know it wont help longterm but i really need to telll somebody.
I feel pathetic for this text but i somehow have to write it.

Sorry for this unstructured text.",1.0313289036544866,3.2769108759689938,3.4624861572536005,86.64994186046512,83.65116279069767,6.631450719822812,23.555370985603545,7.83500028581142,1.4284580287929125,978,37,199,19,28,338,131,258,0.16399999999999998,0.726,0.11,-0.8758,0,1,1,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,2,14,15,3,2,5,0,16,3,0,0,1,37,33,13,1,5,11,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,11,5,0,0,12,0,0,1,12,9,0,1,3,4,36,6,38,27,3,29,0,4,0,0,6,12,1,6,14,136,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.15016957425435712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968923195355203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229001752707888,0.0,0.0,0.04690343772865109,0.0,0.13094481167506306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25355319091718537,0.0,0.0,0.26508187196622096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36070417771119706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629644579605624,0.0,0.0,0.2032791991814013,0.0,0.06482738011984611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671332925300115,0.0549677419245953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476084534146755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596479558411783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051572940141410964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415555551400125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512548331771559,0.0,0.21142794640297174,0.06271841207110743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086935354188087,0.11277066628885048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381294590564146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705189353842548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213823360405433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668449190388317,0.06718322875149663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947586089170968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049291339806123234,0.0,0.07597144262728096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118776931152942,0.07703287160517089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059234100474407685,0.1521962124295235,0.0861308365054804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251740167660141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725114194566137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044865794219615146,0.0,0.0,0.07352186213524382,0.0,0.3656723783054377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076536753729747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416983044097446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dn0112,2018/01/13,"Scared... Im scared to do it, but I don’t know how much i can take of this life im living. Im a failure with no hope or success. 

Is it really that hard to end it all? All i need is courage to do it and i should be alright after.",-3.434318181818181,-1.9303234545454515,0.3930681818181832,104.48960227272728,101.72727272727272,3.4772727272727275,14.147727272727273,5.148860815047168,-1.3436818181818184,170,4,49,1,8,62,37,55,0.173,0.585,0.242,0.7567,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,1,1,8,1,0,1,2,11,12,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,6,10,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452929328757146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674766945899214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181447290160043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7117226917851069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207043331314886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551330007650154,0.0,0.0,0.19393960975248686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145523233136982,0.1628547900266494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070226764431354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439781095853043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513638166803307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cabinsick,2018/01/13,"I don't want to be alive anymore. Hi.

I really don't want to be alive anymore. 

I know I'm loved, and I know that life is something to be appreciated. I have great friends and a great family, and my life is ideal. But I struggle a lot with existential angst that makes me suicidal every time I think about it. I'm so unmotivated that the only future I can see for myself is being either homeless or dead. There is no life available to me that I find appealing. I have no passions or hobbies. Talking to my friends is an effort because I have no energy to maintain relationships. I feel very disconnected from the world. I can tell the future is going to suck for me because every job I've had in the past has made me more suicidal than I already am. I can't make myself do anything. I should be planning for college, but I don't even want to go to college.

I don't hate myself. I'm not mad at the world. I just don't want to be alive. It's so much effort.

I can't stop thinking about how worthless everything is, and how, no matter what I do, I'm still unhappy.

I've tried going vegan, exercising, almost every anti-depressant known to man, changing my lifestyle... Nothing has worked. I'm just so fucking tired and sad.

To be honest, the only thing I want to do is hurt myself and die.

The only reason I haven't offed myself yet is because I can't. I don't want to hurt my family and friends. 

So my question is...

How do you keep yourself alive when you don't want to be? 

How do you get over depression when its source is existential crises and being inherently unhappy?",2.2160501567398114,4.162536937304078,4.347021943573669,83.4888087774295,77.7460815047022,7.033228840125393,25.106583072100314,7.990435384864732,1.5459554858934172,1229,45,246,21,29,423,145,319,0.204,0.654,0.14300000000000002,-0.9647,2,0,1,0,0,9,43.0,0,3,0,5,18,19,4,1,10,0,46,8,0,8,0,47,76,22,4,9,8,0,1,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,9,1,0,3,16,10,0,0,2,2,42,9,27,64,4,17,0,5,1,3,13,5,2,5,9,171,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871256890515227,0.0,0.10878431182390927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552763944061974,0.0,0.0,0.08112206830900283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802784208955255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428344762347487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981179347865594,0.0,0.1023093763131282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511046027752783,0.0,0.24917102636297425,0.0,0.08859639503895407,0.0,0.18586290302642364,0.0,0.04984447412745637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009936542856864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284855339730605,0.09113464172879912,0.051503427555272256,0.0,0.16807405039321194,0.0,0.0,0.21736725915462315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732629457982947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21106158867006486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782438716181573,0.08762149147248104,0.0,0.0,0.10835281493642944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088876623523588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380828973605747,0.08897134230321649,0.09327777674993057,0.13160441611404775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246686368028728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458915180416264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249211784624689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410475285406313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104309738667739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315219334583741,0.1013555688179868,0.0,0.10583688962908272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855465227562478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589088429204872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872526897795422,0.08241640807431934,0.0,0.10305611207263099,0.0,0.2156587211240096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792340180234637,0.08616233877159027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549146755618449,0.1263308088654043,0.0,0.0,0.05748217277753349,0.1133019902042392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692862949964884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813379496812461,0.4070108911278305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176664253021227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoresMutual,2018/01/13,Hi need to say some stuff that I bc and tel anyone and looking for help 23 was diagnosed with depression anxiety and anger issues when I was 15  think. I was on meds until I was 18 and maybe I felt like reveling I'm not sure but I want to go back on them now and have no idea how to even start that process. I recently started self harming again and I own a gun and have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts the last 3 months or so. Anyways my mother at the time got this going but now I'm all on my own 100% no family to speak of and new insurance threw work. How do I find a therapist and someone who can get me anti depressants and such. I believe 2 of the medications I was on at the time are now banned. I'd be fine with a new type just looking for help on how to get this started. I want to be alive again and be happy,3.5992127983748112,3.4696108715083795,5.127313357034031,87.28577958354497,71.56983240223464,8.967191467750128,27.44591163026917,8.841846274778883,1.7073083798882691,642,20,152,11,11,218,109,179,0.206,0.703,0.091,-0.9666,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,15,8,1,0,8,0,15,2,0,3,2,34,34,20,1,3,5,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,10,5,16,4,21,21,5,28,0,2,2,0,9,7,0,3,19,103,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048359652211297,0.0,0.0,0.10098428230845616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105277116979224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627158490682854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487835301085735,0.14658683141739834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539037202898062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614964009243888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386692266107172,0.0,0.13200047966444156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091065534859133,0.0,0.16415842786845955,0.0,0.11550868126603647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374152123002266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360808057207848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630365733524205,0.0,0.1507406311435332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772444371331875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055803613662726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425587634771696,0.0,0.0,0.1227837109883608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509283640223844,0.0,0.16042197135473815,0.14549150099334615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527747476768528,0.0,0.0,0.10708820915280597,0.0,0.2789702686941831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260080136045195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485137882782954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066522763201887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236957874592172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066711296976478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653303759190588,0.15797588860244616,0.0,0.13611745721869084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768683668455786,0.0,0.0925407592345968,0.0,0.11465614160618147,0.1684290303865521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036946645984488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514204170954976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grfrbrg,2018/01/13,"my roommate just fucked their S.O. in the room next to me all i want is for someone to love and be loved but I am too emotionally disfigured to ever get that far, yet I will always have constant reminders like this one to show me how normal, non broken people live

why ? I can't stand this pain anymore. ive been alone my whole life and i have no reason to believe it will ever change",4.534936708860761,4.8784169240506365,5.060607594936712,86.92205063291142,69.63291139240506,7.332658227848103,25.92658227848101,6.742157984588678,0.9209372151898734,303,8,64,2,5,97,63,79,0.194,0.701,0.105,-0.8754,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,10,5,0,2,3,11,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,11,3,7,11,2,9,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,6,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067554849337436,0.0,0.0,0.16610735681387004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197978370029512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491357176095628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118105901159334,0.0,0.0,0.21572807738007613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455580551212248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611517991107793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455383468351666,0.10429793626616632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100389772722066,0.09752866739654646,0.0,0.1762761034979199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603460130531146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123077533640733,0.0,0.19559407816278626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352738068636206,0.0,0.2124193780382376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383976436826119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052519057193754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691450414217408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177463825432624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013416217674644,0.22287869880611505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youngdove98,2018/01/13,Its not getting any better Lately since i have been feeling really serious this time about ending it I tell myself to wait one more day. Every. Day. Now. But every following day is just as painful. And im just really tired. I looked up what the tallest building and bridge was in my city. I think im going to uber there and jump. ,0.648484848484852,3.149439000000001,2.2881818181818185,91.7189393939394,90.8181818181818,5.357575757575758,17.939393939393938,6.937597516519254,0.3231030303030309,258,7,52,4,9,84,52,66,0.152,0.826,0.023,-0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,11,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,2,2,6,1,6,9,1,13,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,7,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222703823474372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849734034598294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046472714560656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524204181500856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524305036357877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575093767890892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092706032712987,0.0,0.1188629815689286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518290018749603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359267703365331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563068924899464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172332657734465,0.0,0.22254700731103405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679696708495645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300844566036008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280357606750952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401286430557918,0.0,0.0,0.12195521725239293,0.24038355133101486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notlongleft18,2018/01/13,Committing suicide tonight Iv reached the final straw. I can't go on anymore. I'm 31 years old and have fucked up for the last time. My family no longer talk to me. I have no reason to go on. I'm 100% serious about ending my life tonight. If any of my family see this I'm sorry ,-0.8024999999999984,1.3236914166666691,1.888333333333336,94.8825,93.16666666666666,5.666666666666668,19.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.4571666666666676,215,7,50,4,8,74,44,60,0.246,0.7120000000000001,0.042,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,4,10,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,8,10,0,13,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,8,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523021336139282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409642793448536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520227428259125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581073101770438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266165434039322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462495154502848,0.0,0.0,0.2761747140229445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805571360666524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161926626424062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25495966363205386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498170761707683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936183061273037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719887784832867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26577341427916856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529277914102106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416797172833584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564668744730124
suicidewatch,alliwantishislove,2018/01/13,"I wish I was brave enough to do it I think about it all the time I'm just not brave enough to do it. I'm scared of failure, I'm scared of not doing it the right way and living with the consequences after. ",0.6002173913043478,1.9502218478260889,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,80.52173913043478,5.469565217391305,15.847826086956525,5.985473137389443,-0.8822000000000005,159,2,41,1,4,52,27,46,0.173,0.6459999999999999,0.181,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,7,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5846910773105515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498351224716901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416233326956298,0.0,0.0,0.5665308086543173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181292114557472,0.0,0.0,0.1649805735558907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457913575287294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32535911692845976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allen_barry,2018/01/13,It's the loneliness.. I can't I can't take it anymore. Sometimes going days without speaking. Not having anyone to talk to. I miss smiling and laughing. I don't even want to get out of bed anymore because I'm so depressed. I just recently lost my job too and if just adds on to the stress. I'm so fucking sad that I just want to end my life now. I honestly don't see my life heading anywhere. I'm a failure at life. ,-0.2380286006128678,1.9476414382022504,2.2823084780388183,93.11036772216549,89.6741573033708,4.58467824310521,26.068437180796728,6.11248444174946,0.8898224719101124,324,16,70,3,11,111,57,89,0.222,0.677,0.1,-0.8464,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,1,3,0,5,5,1,0,0,12,17,5,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,2,10,2,10,16,0,8,0,4,1,1,2,3,1,1,4,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067761438010104,0.14339939662134935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501721167096688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322621173301974,0.0,0.17663841981828582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816434193231583,0.0,0.0,0.13545594898282926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959671499734876,0.10714784729874884,0.0,0.11655387832901995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104751971801233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035140765429492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345703657160188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387324893495428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202495560748243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634252764556703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283317200434545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349228577020295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419753248418394,0.16483863049567718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419275369846065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769351333015173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zetareticulae,2018/01/13,"Will i be punished if i end it? Why do we have to be hostages? Ive been researching alot lately about near death experiences in suicide cases, and tbh they seem comforting. Knowing ill have peace once i end it all, the problem is I KNOW my mom will be devastaded, and my brother act like a douche, he will be useless in helping my mom cope... What can i do? I dont wanna live, i cant see people and family relatives around me are getting married, happy lives, children, working and having success while im still left behind, broke, alone, void and getting older, i just want to live in my dreams where im eternally driving in gorgeous sea coast highways, flying high with misterious vision and sunset in the horizon...

I cant cope with this reality, and the fact that i love my mom soo much is taking me hostage, i cant end it but im suffering...",4.775280348394119,5.488067736526947,5.875819270549807,79.97635274904735,69.23952095808383,8.467936853565595,31.948285247686442,8.575989854853784,2.4903461077844318,660,28,128,10,11,220,109,167,0.108,0.759,0.133,0.509,0,1,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,1,2,5,11,1,0,5,0,22,2,0,0,2,23,31,10,2,4,3,4,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,1,21,6,14,23,3,20,0,3,1,1,10,10,0,3,9,82,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467758721221634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575918636048325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240066681727255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455186356190365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271996952870188,0.12258592008157923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358763895626966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842523433721968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871600713598758,0.13738967158238813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42138204354509207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429282476075706,0.0,0.1466857361211978,0.0,0.14128397836473086,0.0,0.0,0.06352878915497122,0.0,0.3444712527439636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736213821627825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568881057103892,0.0,0.0,0.09559107293628638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384835901985138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015026001851048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442643572034155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362147764932904,0.11837945814496198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384653821919833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422377587034944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977705316608456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669832173485006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733683555835345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466741089781794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,armenianmutt,2018/01/13,I want to be hit by a car I want to be in so much physical pain that it distracts me from my depression ,6.270000000000002,2.565896000000002,8.028333333333332,80.25000000000004,68.16666666666666,12.933333333333335,36.5,11.20814326018867,3.510299999999998,80,3,21,2,1,29,20,24,0.34,0.568,0.092,-0.8387,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414853009425953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768060446788572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545422369030843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046671589443932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lorimarie68,2018/01/13,"Unemployment suicide... the struggle is real! Always lived a decent life for the most part. Served my country in the Army, went on to marry the love of my life and raise 2 beautiful girls. You're probably wondering why I'm on here right? I lost my job on 5/26/17 due to layoff. It wasn't bad at first, I had unemployment income, a retirement plan, and some savings. Fast forward to today, I'm 8 months out of work. I have spent countless hours filling out apps online, going on interviews, and attending job fairs. All to no avail, just one rejection after another! I used up all the money in my retirement accounts to supplement my income and keep things afloat over the past 8 months. As of this week, I have depleted all of my savings. My husband has had to work every minute of overtime possible to keep this roof over our heads. We sold our luxury SUV for what we owed, just to get out of the payment. I never would have  imagined that I would STILL be out of work 8 months later. I have since had to sell all of my beloved jewelry, piece by piece, thousands of dollars worth of gold, silver and diamonds for pennies on the dollar just to keep the lights on and eat. No one will help us because they say my husband earns too much, we cant even get a temporary break on our electric bill or house taxes! Yet for years, in my line of work, I dealt with people on a daily basis, many of whom aren't even in this country legally, yet they are getting free this and free that. They do absolutely nothing except get free everything! Most of them do not even speak English! I have worked since I was 13, I've always paid taxes and been an upstanding citizen. I worked my entire life up until I lost my job 8 months ago. My husband has always worked too! We are not scum bags, yet we are treated as such when we try to get an extension on a payment. Soon we will need to walk away from our beautiful home. I'm down to literally my last $20. My husband can't possibly work anymore hours than he already does. He is gainfully employed, so he still has a chance. I, on the other hand, am finished. I have exhausted every possible resource that I had to rely on. The 2 reasons I believe I am still unemployed is because A: I do not speak Spanish, and B: I am 50 years old. I do not look my age at all, but still, they get an idea when they see that I graduated high school in 1985. If someone out there would just have given me a chance, I promise I would have been an asset to your company. Instead, I have come to the end of the road. I will not burden my husband for another week, or see him end up homeless because I am no longer able to contribute to our household. My only question is this... what is wrong with a country that cares more about catering to illegals, then it does about taking care of it's own decent citizens? I can't even get a minimum wage job, believe me, I have tried. I was literally willing to do anything I could do to start earning again. I have given up. My demise will appear to be an accident so my husband can at least collect my life insurance. It's the one final thing I can contribute. I guess the reason I'm even writing all this is because I still can't wrap my head around the fact that after 8 months I am still without work. It has become quite clear that the priorities of this country are completely fu*ked up. Employers would rather hire Hispanics and people under age 40 instead someone who is experienced, dependable, loyal, and would have given 110% each and every time they reported to work. If an employer out there would have just given me a chance to prove it! Instead, my family will lose their matriarch. That's 2 beautiful girls without a mother, 2 precious grandsons without a grandma, and a wonderful dedicated husband who will lose his life partner. If I can't spoil my loved ones like I always have, or even contribute to my household, then there is really nothing left for me in this world. I would rather not exist at all. So to anyone out there who is reading this... if you possess the ability to hire someone, and you meet a person who once held a high paying job, and that person is now willing to do entry level or minimum wage work... PLEASE give that person a chance, they are obviously desperate! I am proof that this struggle is real. Unemployment related suicide is definitely real!",5.116287827557058,5.9595798804733775,5.907129120879122,79.58706730769231,68.53846153846153,9.017962806424343,31.302303465765,9.188382445141503,2.6896445477599316,3409,137,647,63,56,1118,361,845,0.073,0.83,0.098,0.9609,21,0,0,0,0,2,113.0,13,3,9,21,44,25,0,2,41,0,84,12,3,4,13,107,128,34,2,16,26,9,1,1,1,16,6,3,1,8,37,34,1,4,8,1,19,8,20,11,0,6,20,9,96,17,105,89,18,103,0,5,3,2,63,47,0,17,50,464,133,39,0.0490360038234415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043467458726312684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411244957664706,0.0,0.16320753349387246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283705107362844,0.0,0.0,0.04863053942556597,0.034287114017228566,0.0,0.040352453008388994,0.043652439639391236,0.0,0.0,0.04607093975866169,0.0,0.0409430149573256,0.11956757118015003,0.054156413659831606,0.0,0.11049356873920724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999909479526763,0.0,0.0,0.04224017534938471,0.05141331705986433,0.0,0.0,0.03915125895707187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582347478738424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017607376315555,0.0,0.0,0.08686268946106786,0.0,0.0,0.19432690833490032,0.0,0.12394484438025748,0.0,0.04407039837673005,0.0,0.046226780312159384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371654532764908,0.0,0.04170999980216517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793350167792888,0.04703980307652793,0.027868291008013364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054018686579474486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065017362059307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032867799728254134,0.1036184606057894,0.049187109986279474,0.0,0.09658117243063193,0.056580964712352924,0.0,0.05535567963376608,0.0,0.0,0.2433033370762525,0.13075635979966213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039970887864352,0.0,0.0,0.053277761631579976,0.0,0.17317789833707367,0.023956514563907457,0.0,0.043299689757335016,0.0,0.04117789317854703,0.1097174907088427,0.1070571814455929,0.0,0.08851381588813355,0.0,0.0,0.04971481137183478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957003521055296,0.0,0.036047104965142976,0.03635957550213352,0.03781958912238462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410273635385727,0.0,0.05145503726900191,0.05222174370992685,0.1329122610100704,0.037294090554686514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310121361709831,0.046810414188961404,0.06799078168498324,0.12844904139536986,0.0,0.053826806962556144,0.0,0.16584217954790428,0.0,0.0,0.05286910579559508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493154669892813,0.052155826027248116,0.04904927366248168,0.16744112309558334,0.03141371968793587,0.10083435773080388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041876479337046094,0.0,0.03899539840147928,0.0,0.04962705377662418,0.0781506926689318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112617817366502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464414073526503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470793589315846,0.0,0.2349612959747326,0.0,0.0,0.10252615610829044,0.0,0.10727485863473832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686897226925564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515468409767057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028593288166545636,0.0,0.04648039799519073,0.0,0.0,0.06658445557657787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898427495569555,0.042351363167586635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866744892202089,0.0,0.0,0.04545686681503028,0.044247366388165205,0.0,0.0,0.14180687349576152,0.10635490882128716,0.392686742793975,0.0,0.0,0.2786701616359324,0.05361317238009119,0.0,0.06315515750751809
suicidewatch,throwwawway133,2018/01/14,"Things are great but I still want to die Just ended up taking a break from a toxic relationship and I feel really good and happy, but part of me still wants to die. I feel like I could go out happy now. Like it's time for me to go. I miss my boyfriend and I'm scared I'm codependent on someone who doesn't need or want me anywhere near as much as I need him. I feel weirdly okay but also like I might be repressing the agony I'm in. I need to die now. It's time for me to go.",-0.4115038232795243,1.3248524205607488,1.9886830926083263,98.1300424808836,85.54205607476634,5.386236193712829,16.269328802039087,6.574015621080383,-0.5494411214953274,367,7,94,4,11,125,63,107,0.234,0.527,0.239,-0.3115,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,2,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,21,22,10,3,7,5,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,3,15,8,16,19,2,16,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,10,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895792084252765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876736652258252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631471673543974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175122781711285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256423392685533,0.10626935202310568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536197011801731,0.12476716913782923,0.0,0.16400098404296934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167012028533626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801997342677384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780369171248632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935075503363413,0.3308959516476075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108527461073358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529514144374228,0.0,0.0,0.15970532190286887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892795416610846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603814659642087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758907632446616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184393195669304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882504998595154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347843345142488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632155639818558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodlordwtfiswrong,2018/01/14,I know that it is so wrong but I so desperately want to be be dead. I hate mental illness. I am not actively contemplating suicide because I could not follow through because of my kids but I really wish that I could turn this internal dialogue of self hate off. I know that I should be be so grateful for what I have but I just can't turn off the whole depressive cycle. I work in medicine so I literally cannot talk about exactly how I feel for fear of retribution or involuntary committal . But fml I just wish I was dead.  ,2.4357142857142877,4.620770904761908,4.463095238095238,81.76607142857145,78.04761904761905,8.771428571428572,27.642857142857146,9.3871,2.668314285714286,415,18,85,12,10,142,65,105,0.314,0.537,0.149,-0.975,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,1,1,0,13,1,0,1,2,21,24,10,3,6,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,17,0,11,16,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,63,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259845539426229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295985933456005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964823554385535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857884067328394,0.09372237561415267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660045249718012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037353868827152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679687156461666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874482957692327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933684093860055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202751137608237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898342351099386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40323169988952295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932871922426728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694514902732447,0.426304201392294,0.0,0.0,0.1349425456989253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265944563696636,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsertName911,2018/01/14,I fucked up I did something really terrible a few years back and if my dad finds out i don't know what ill do. now all i can thinks about is hanging myself to escape. i feel terrible about it but i don't know how i can tell him. I've been lying about my therapy and the ADHD testing everything even though its on his insurance. i feel trapped and alone,0.8893243243243241,3.0897411081081114,2.8472297297297287,91.1246283783784,83.86486486486487,6.943243243243244,21.41216216216216,8.07648339933343,1.1224108108108108,278,9,61,6,8,93,54,74,0.248,0.7120000000000001,0.04,-0.95,0,2,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,14,14,7,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,13,0,7,12,2,7,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315602988997089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857337793630467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121386261571192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822195183216543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794775463452134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27899160988226146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521539995186756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550513457815299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30323849136305303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673907085565774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238984215066875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411357530188621,0.0,0.31549867574289064,0.0,0.0,0.17677604368421304,0.2710557274177844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766097056484711
suicidewatch,oph3li4,2018/01/14,"tomorrow is my birthday, i don't want it. Tomorrow I turn 29, and have nothing to show for it. Not in the material sense. Not in the cosmic sense. In no sense at all. I was was watching this television show and a scene hit me hard. The two characters were talking about existence and one says (I'm paraphrasing) ""if the life you envision in your dreams isn't beautiful, then why are you alive?"" In that moment everything clicked. When I close my eyes and dream, I cannot even envision a beautiful future. How can I go on knowing that even in my imagination there is no peace or hope for me? I know I'm some nobody woman to you all but I wanted to write some of these last thoughts on how to not end up like me. On how to be a better person:

*don't let fear run your life

*respect yourself enough to not stick around for people who don't care about you

*if you have a passion, pursue it with everything. it should be scary not comfortable.

*work towards your goals (I had a dream to live in new york city when I was 19. Had I worked towards this, I'd be there today. Instead I didn't, and I'm stuck in some  town in the middle of nowhere.)

I hope you all lead better lives. For what it's worth, I became an organ donor recently, so hopefully I can at least do one thing good in my absence.",1.9220944233206616,3.8113502889733866,3.310365969581748,90.84689242712295,78.4296577946768,6.968884664131813,23.125633713561463,7.9370924344782425,1.063164892268695,998,32,219,17,24,326,144,263,0.086,0.76,0.154,0.9676,0,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,9,0,6,14,12,0,1,11,0,25,4,1,4,3,38,41,16,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,13,8,0,0,4,5,1,3,13,1,0,3,9,5,31,11,35,26,8,37,0,0,3,1,15,22,0,9,13,154,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895704032443192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25623564051458314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769548751148875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830388679366544,0.1496801809030842,0.0,0.19135870496802168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603835289633316,0.0,0.0,0.16300894680073905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232786888846383,0.12150256972821087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976704064753242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43163910396150795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922368124489408,0.11808108414346738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813023079309878,0.2046392770130712,0.07077178824761185,0.0,0.2558299093566956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990769772257902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899807739122494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632318312881009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004284072994632,0.12648707493169814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303280349639388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519931544877522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643381888068105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623923993616801,0.0,0.0,0.11500348676553672,0.0,0.0,0.13731133031915568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756721655822775,0.14150818958172576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088559240519566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071455933976084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109211287394973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soulrose5,2018/01/14,"I am running out of time on a timeline that I have full control over I want to die. Every second of my day. When I was younger, I always knew I would probably die by suicide. I was always very aware of death and it is something I am terribly comfortable with now. All I want to do is die. I am tired. I can't do it though because it hurts to think about my parents and my dog. But I want to die. I start college on Tuesday and I really rather die. I rather die than have to get a job as well. I rather die than just be a burden to my parents by not wanting to do anything. I have always wanted them to be proud of me but I can't find much for them to be proud for. I go to school and have good grades but it kills me. I want to cry every time I wake up because it means I have to get up to do things in the world. A lot of the story behind this is that I hate the world. I hate how it is, I hate how in order to survive comfortably you have to spend your whole life working, getting a house, having kids, and then dying. Where is the fun? I didn't choose these responsibilities, they chose me and I want nothing to do with them. I really just want to die. I want help, I want medication, I want weed, I want someone to talk to. I want someone to help me make a plan for my life that I will be satisfied with. One that I will not have the suicidal feeling with. But it seems impossible. I have no idea how to help myself.",0.7871170960187399,2.41911188852459,2.818214285714287,94.25875,80.9344262295082,5.7997658079625305,20.72892271662764,6.7097532225279775,0.13235128805620588,1086,30,260,11,28,366,137,305,0.187,0.6409999999999999,0.172,-0.9185,3,0,1,0,0,4,33.0,0,2,4,6,14,14,4,0,11,0,34,5,1,5,1,51,61,17,13,17,11,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,14,11,0,1,8,0,1,2,6,7,1,2,4,1,52,7,48,50,5,23,0,1,0,0,13,12,0,2,8,193,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690486182606122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055728852530781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256454124829819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595518667693334,0.0,0.0,0.07438865857136552,0.04367463046063265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6325560772214696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411621746980362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03424191968999751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189603339450915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061447388690046,0.0,0.03848757049658437,0.05680140614675797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058226439739726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361764622105877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814127775202509,0.07249704300624409,0.07644909483966195,0.0,0.0,0.06720293207132,0.0,0.07492357510474723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566710163578968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757422014644838,0.0,0.0,0.045204487822492014,0.0,0.0,0.07376833942750248,0.0,0.06822207636664585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978294123399199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498040547766548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045889699641203166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503929594791965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301500604447712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676798664846153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853756228598266,0.0,0.06165092018655824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476006074802066,0.0521351586233264,0.0,0.0,0.047933478557933784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815220219382727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054431808728437565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499101679164184,0.043393069013830436,0.06653582488498881,0.0,0.07897765914118225,0.07783566217129291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587715768878188,0.5192690388653611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060889573899434175,0.0,0.0,0.0756084032952975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049301906639770084,0.0,0.0,0.04810726233702985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purpleturtle47,2018/01/14,"I'm 14 and I don't want to live anymore. For the last year and a half of my life, I've been depressed. The last month or so, I've been suicidal. I feel lonely and disconnected from the world, even though I have friends. I just can't take it anymore. I feel like such an ass, not being appreciative of life. I know I have a future ahead of me, but it's shrouded and fog. ",0.29050000000000153,2.113939049999999,2.3225000000000016,96.2225,83.5,5.5,20.0,6.6274283507984215,-0.04162500000000025,284,8,70,3,8,95,54,80,0.166,0.782,0.052000000000000005,-0.7434,0,2,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,6,0,7,3,1,0,0,12,13,8,1,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,2,9,2,7,10,0,7,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,7,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476283243899201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682117393157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860172669945635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24283101760745596,0.17154689347691116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552165074302165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131967609109312,0.3914713749516098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392178337559848,0.11731400272127974,0.0,0.21203668457161592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916672108391952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26266014248919034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805457426449922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359237187991678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163322242409995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463402031909304
suicidewatch,manicpixiedreamhack,2018/01/14,anyone else with a chronic illness had to move back in with a parent who abused them throughout childhood cos you can't support yourself? spent childhood hanging onto the fact I could one day leave. fuck my whole existence,6.66716666666667,8.733472050000003,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,66.0,6.333333333333334,35.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,2.467333333333334,182,9,28,1,3,53,37,40,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.8992,1,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,4,1,5,3,1,8,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,4,19,5,0,0.0,0.3335657789047676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685159308995215,0.2884596867046448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164783907168189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477796449430695,0.0,0.0,0.18156288739936915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518131914173435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26026898488562505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980985166194249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992207279834494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077130775626835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126045908069225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31947572491556786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143170272802656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Orangetopkek,2018/01/14,"There is nothing for me to do to heal anymore. I've been going to therapy for almost a year. I can't count how many packs of Zoloft I've finished so far. I always tried to think in the ""positive"" way, which never changed how I felt. I felt miserable since I was in elementary school and it only gets worse. Sometimes I act foolish and let a short, happy feeling make me think that i'm getting better. I had a breakdown in Tuesday, again. I don't know if it was a miracle  or curse that there where nothing for me to cut myself with that's enough to kill me. I mostly don't know what I say. I break hearts and be an asshole without realising. If I felt a bit better playing video games, that was taken away from me. If I wanted to be rest for a while, piles and piles of homeworks were put in front of me.  I grew up watching news of ""people!"" r***ing innocent animals and beating women in the streets because they were wearing shorts. I never felt safe in streets. Nor at home. Anywhere. Even breathing is painful. I feel needles on my whole body everytime I say a word. I am cringy. I am a fat whale. I am a retard. I am nothing but a pile of shit. I can't find enough insults to measure how disgusting i find myself. Nothing helped. I tried. I tried. I couldn't try hard. I can't think of a reason to not to cease to exist.",0.6189506457564562,2.944783878228783,2.386613238007381,93.03552871309971,86.60147601476015,4.863514760147601,23.22889760147601,6.322622252153567,0.5509750000000002,1025,40,217,10,32,337,153,271,0.12,0.81,0.07,-0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,1,3,9,12,5,1,14,0,23,9,6,5,2,40,41,16,1,5,7,0,7,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,8,6,1,1,14,3,0,5,11,7,0,0,12,10,37,5,34,25,6,30,0,1,1,0,7,16,1,6,7,145,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054270003842089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760495697492933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441371725538054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891804891478616,0.0,0.0,0.06418032124250632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862307836165767,0.11494316782031315,0.11694710293054113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137681041641767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175736156412314,0.0,0.06953927546238398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064697930824846,0.0,0.4043576869375779,0.0,0.19245585317066732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001338404788194,0.0,0.05983548387644697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207707620190886,0.09431403694997977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476238138308067,0.07056983509066762,0.0,0.10560871944629716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164814591387036,0.0,0.11572297619879715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076603118227541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027807594365583,0.10674173717378876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624034580732342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040924333832812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007344093794776,0.11202989940134424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299086478049616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583978336900544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824977721917917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674525740840305,0.0,0.10655331449039744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807280274757723,0.08709224624990987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412884725134704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120401752362085,0.0,0.0,0.2023857506067077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859244664072667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062099397489146925,0.0835697626652558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754614120683893,0.0,0.1014902910047499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729367829440846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779962588428838
suicidewatch,Bomberdude333,2018/01/14,"I’m feel so lonely I have been incredibly depressed for most of my life. Ever since the bullying started in middle school because I’m a nerd. A really athletic soccer state champion nerd. But because it was soccer was still bullied for playing a pussy sport. Ever since college started I have been dealing with my depression and loneliness with weed. It helps a lot but I tend too not get basic housework and basic needs done while on weed so it isn’t a long term solution. I just hate how low my self esteem and how high my depression is. It is crippling me in life. And makes me feel like an incredibly huge piece of shit even though I have accomplished a lot already in my short life. But sadly my brain still tells me that I would be better off dead. That there isn’t a point to living. Why live if all living is is suffering through everything in life. I have worked hard for all my accomplishments and they feel like nothing. I don’t feel any ounce of pride in any of them. I am not planning to to do anything today. I’m just incredibly sad after another rejection (now on a 8 kill streak of them). What’s the point to living? I don’t think I will ever find anyone that will love me back as much as I love them. I won’t accomplish anything spectacular in life anymore (acl injury, ruined my GPA in college with drugs, won’t work in my field of interest computer science) I’m so hopeless. I would just be better off dead then wasting precious public resources to continue my pathetic existence. Apology for wasting everyone’s time.",3.875771812080536,5.867839033557048,4.937323489932887,80.89526040268457,73.09395973154362,8.257932885906044,28.69852348993289,8.954980946260402,2.5025206442953016,1224,50,226,26,25,401,160,298,0.258,0.585,0.156,-0.9914,0,2,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,4,9,19,26,3,0,11,0,27,10,2,3,5,37,45,19,3,4,9,0,5,2,0,6,6,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,6,4,0,0,8,16,0,0,5,5,32,10,34,32,8,37,0,11,0,2,12,19,1,4,19,151,40,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803986533016673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315660660619744,0.10266122893964476,0.0,0.0,0.09709479004511667,0.0684569855913549,0.0,0.16113384712303627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528238832880133,0.0,0.11936314461112005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317685176328965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092936138462346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093506772213633,0.25297457406274343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001901236860512,0.0,0.0,0.1135379429959976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466488818126792,0.2656802213078893,0.0,0.09355178519001413,0.08799010103810824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801348859568832,0.13988574923335134,0.0,0.0,0.08948278611159599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051150972817852865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877030514445531,0.09666025903174244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562321026161717,0.10344130248356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831663804822984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457636266862578,0.09566222292704103,0.0,0.34580527673907896,0.08664225328934712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646952460005654,0.17672496483212558,0.0,0.0653519021052993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197094931842014,0.07259482192075513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394184741600166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510247915769049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627200223083025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908441123451432,0.0,0.0,0.10213557081704036,0.0,0.1004973902681603,0.1619749509254608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859438074314026,0.0,0.15637305261860274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557270181093184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273314298739492,0.09619050947891966,0.0,0.05708880353835305,0.0,0.09280185944604057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834343193095796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425510400196916,0.0,0.0,0.13909685742481714,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BTECH-Knuckles,2018/01/14,"I want to die before I turn 15 what is the point in me even writing why I am doing this or how when no one will see it, no one will care. They are just trying to help so they feel good about themselves. but I will post why because I have too much time in my hands, I understand if you don't want to read as I wouldn't.

I am 14 (15 in 10 days) and suffer with depression. life is quite hard at home and at school. my parents don't know about my depression, I don't know if it even is depression, I just know that I have many symptoms of depression. My mum drinks heavily as she is an alcoholic and I think the only reason my dad hasn't left her is because she would have a mental break down then kill herself. I have stopped her from killing herself before, one time she got drunk and got into a car, when I took the keys out of the ignition and asked her where she was going, expecting her to say ""to go get more wine"") she told me she was going to drive of a cliff. This scared me a lot and I never told anyone.

everyone at school hates me as I am an outsider, moved from the south to the north where people don't like people from the south. They all call me a ""posh prick"" or an ""entitled ignorant arse hole"" one time when I started getting changed near them in PE they grabbed hold of me and started trying to shove me to the other side of the room. I am not a week person so I fought back, winning but as I started getting changed and they started talking I heard one of them say ""he is a posh cunt, he thinks everything is his for the taking."" Another time I was minding my own business on the court yard when they went in my bag and took some of my books and my pencil case, when I tried getting them back the ""child vigilantly"", who thinks he is some sort of a god sent to over look them bully me until I fight back then he attacks me as then if he gets into trouble he then has the moral high ground, grabs me by the shoulders and throughs me to the ground. once again as I am not a weak person I stand up and punch him in the face and throw him a few feet then I got my stuff back and walked away.

My biggest problem though is my intelligence, I am really clever in fields such as computer science, chemistry and physics and most other subjects come with ease. I was able to do the rubik's cube at 9 and now am able to do the 2x2 to the 5x5 only starting the 4x4 and 5x5 today. This intelligence may be seen as a gift to most people but when you are clever, or at least for me, it feels like I am constantly having really high standards held upon me which stresses me out. BTW i am awful at english so my grammar is a bit shit.

I feel nothing anymore other then guilt for the fact that I am the glue which holds my family together, and when I die the family will fall apart.
thank you for reading this if you got to here.  

EDIT: yes I did just make a reddit account to post this but only because my family knows about my other one.",4.655014548099653,4.425968099836336,5.320492362247683,87.146655982906,69.31096563011458,8.425550100018183,27.610520094562645,7.8897218956490685,1.4048177486815785,2283,65,510,25,36,740,280,611,0.173,0.7490000000000001,0.078,-0.9971,1,0,3,0,1,1,53.0,0,4,10,2,31,29,9,3,39,2,49,13,6,4,3,81,99,57,4,10,16,3,7,2,0,7,4,3,3,3,19,26,4,5,12,7,1,14,11,21,0,6,19,13,94,8,72,72,12,92,1,5,3,0,55,39,3,14,37,359,113,8,0.13406238588227745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163595976657959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702880503561631,0.0,0.0,0.06647693157876064,0.04686976865730996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266511685405217,0.07625765890775292,0.0629780123001404,0.20617139913249605,0.0,0.12258477916763699,0.0,0.11407721622453065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318070176496093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684463425295625,0.0,0.06834276859831602,0.0,0.14182022822544918,0.057741437371342075,0.0,0.07243690630181038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043229574094800716,0.0,0.23093547303373435,0.0,0.13913559082472274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566505004064055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854694150277027,0.0,0.0,0.0640511774139241,0.060243314019223664,0.0,0.18957312924451816,0.0,0.10167895563910316,0.04788709763061515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510515850641506,0.0,0.11428611504868995,0.056222584365618784,0.21444387364415585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004678260717149,0.06617942551863623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492959567153988,0.141644271220366,0.06723775190936658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832016698378356,0.0,0.1473543624932396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282958726117075,0.0,0.04734611392221148,0.06549610998940403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056289319833221815,0.0,0.0,0.05698752318041263,0.0,0.0,0.04474384179395363,0.06795910868056322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675516765798305,0.0,0.06768239642540824,0.0,0.0,0.07124354991451673,0.04927563951964788,0.0,0.051698588338172494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431823746829349,0.0,0.0,0.07138603282083537,0.2725324267069446,0.1529407283189197,0.0,0.0,0.07443020715427151,0.0,0.0,0.13941296751325769,0.11705810432512345,0.0,0.0,0.06336614372566754,0.0,0.12839470740894224,0.0,0.0,0.06413979888432435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129592472553098,0.13409866506784088,0.0,0.08588379725976995,0.06891923037290996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661179012375227,0.06710991782023469,0.13567829176205876,0.05341518221628145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880655628995308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23722511685697326,0.0,0.0,0.0560410787569254,0.07678400503931396,0.0,0.07673467884519981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967107525122282,0.050399114956845986,0.05387713378962674,0.0,0.061713316535407126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885264550721592,0.06585780672871308,0.0,0.15634571061820945,0.0,0.06353773315653277,0.1281023548278482,0.14894824351010474,0.13652933989190522,0.07291068942835545,0.0,0.06978183583371199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907346863001471,0.0,0.05376837971815247,0.0,0.0,0.06213858741322064,0.12097045118854055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761703624650481,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ssbit,2018/01/14,"I love you summer. I love you so much. All the songs on my stupid unreleased mixtape are for you. You are my world, my sunshine, my everything. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you like you were there for me. Five years couldn't have gone faster, and I wish I still had you in my arms. To hold, to love, to kiss, to bite and scratch and spank and fuck. Sex with you was more than just sex. Sex with you was proof you loved me and wanted to please me, the shit you did for me I'll never forget. You kept me going all these years and I'm sorry I can't keep going for you now. I know you want what's best for me, you are my ""best friend"" and all. But I just want you back. I can't live without you. Remember after sex? The small kisses and gentle rubs I'd give you everywhere? That did nothing for me. All those sweet little kisses brought me no pleasure, it was just proof that pleasure wasn't all I saw in you. I am so so so sorry. I wish I was better for you, all I am is for you. My highschool diploma? I only got that for you baby. Wouldn't have lived that long without you. The job I hate? Got that so I could support you. That smile on your face is worth lifting heavy cement slabs all day in the heat. Remember the drugs and the drinking and the self harm? All of that you so easily replaced. Yet the five years we were together you still drank, you still did xans, you still hurt youself, and it's all my fault. I can't live with this guilt and I'm so so sorry. I just can't do it anymore. If things don't change, on my birthday this year I'm going to go back to my hometown cabin, I'm gonna get my bullets and blow my brains out. I just want you back, I just want to replace you. I'm stuck in a dilemma like the first time we broke up. Where I want to make you hate me, so I can get over you. But I couldn't ever hurt you like that again. I wish you didn't care. I wish I didn't care. I wish we hated each other. I wish we never met. Yet these past five years were the greatest five years of my life. I love you. I'm so so sorry.",-0.6056442090640743,1.4052215033860058,1.1573306997742705,101.93877083695091,89.0451467268623,4.039746483764543,15.065506164264633,5.225104853561615,-1.1671760375065117,1558,29,389,7,52,504,176,443,0.117,0.66,0.223,0.9946,1,0,2,0,0,0,61.0,4,36,0,4,32,34,6,1,12,0,36,21,4,1,14,72,87,27,0,18,11,0,2,3,1,2,2,1,0,1,19,22,2,3,3,2,1,6,17,12,0,5,23,6,92,22,38,57,15,48,0,3,2,13,49,14,2,1,31,268,111,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704622426027887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595275158626504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189504053474591,0.05979133398720678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754697975117513,0.0,0.0,0.13785607973142452,0.0,0.07151737151843332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397727681235859,0.0,0.0,0.04359978191836975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622738996114927,0.07840060609455188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115280298442453,0.0,0.0,0.060759223477844126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575049759608873,0.0,0.0,0.052231634684533255,0.0624999477793508,0.07064188702779266,0.06485309896789289,0.15368644565696024,0.0,0.10814016006856902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002385112863671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474559859862074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708776128571105,0.060090636639309226,0.0,0.0,0.037154067579619914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047751574816902564,0.09908550472105006,0.0677582031816848,0.17908997581535646,0.05982850307162915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050818076597846,0.0,0.0451270174470917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049697624414098515,0.0,0.10428264558373204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486904360523843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141682548555361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453684381258783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421024346953926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316709842769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052700132282005,0.0,0.06939579932518451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783926125492595,0.0,0.0,0.2159585030105026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671761632592453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491391225781377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03942115455427493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392519052052612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664560835606792,0.13033806265708406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612133180173754
suicidewatch,synthdude_,2018/01/14,"How do I pass my days without talking to people? Hi. I'll take this down if it violates any rules. But how do I pass my days without talking to people? I have no friends whatsoever, got a few internet friends but they rarely text me back within an hour. 4:24 AM at my place, can't sleep having thoughts in my head.",1.171897321428574,3.4718918593750026,2.5413392857142867,93.126875,83.53125,5.5321428571428575,24.767857142857146,6.868970318607317,0.8793107142857144,245,10,53,3,7,79,48,64,0.06,0.868,0.07200000000000001,0.1803,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,2,2,0,8,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,8,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487382513233672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751211861392808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937522594746443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351909115815356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821477938786881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337311922078097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428210270291066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157782225448764,0.0,0.2379441538194316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279086144665369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712352504518018,0.3661042264726831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080340818806606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390744485001063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayg66565,2018/01/14,"Committing suicide tomorrow. I don't really know what to say. Is there a way I can be nice to people without being over suspitious?
And does anyone want to just chat? About funny stuff? Anything?
I was reccommended to post here by a friend.",1.6709523809523823,4.422767777777782,3.69936507936508,79.99000000000002,93.44444444444444,7.015873015873016,21.984126984126984,7.957251820313856,1.9694126984126985,190,7,33,5,7,64,39,45,0.09,0.6609999999999999,0.249,0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,8,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246733298440549,0.0,0.26441770457014746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811879391420925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482498358338671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765882157988881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276175405415624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077342525289075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584482559628334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555253266009367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36783274815623296,0.3514702299806608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952194568442812,0.2550476278529629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097395175639288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phlebotomize77,2018/01/14,fuck im relapsing so bad with self-harm and suicide and anorexia and all this shit and i just want to steal  a load of pills and a scalpel and end it all please help,1.5783333333333331,2.9663846111111134,2.2011111111111106,100.655,77.8888888888889,5.911111111111111,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.112511111111111,130,4,33,1,3,40,28,36,0.405,0.467,0.128,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,11,2,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807690871965567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978329521756235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108736312103842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253928328795437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36322630702098463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691204341774572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508000530977784,0.0,0.3451734744344025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678217660498168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983391218387957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cjdojgng,2018/01/14,"I have lost everything Last year my sister attempted suicide and just seeing my parents grief and how it would affect them is the only thing keeping me alive

The person I love moved away and I'm never going to see them again my grades are dropping I feel like shit constantly I'm overweight I have no friends what else is there

I doubt it I killed myself anyone would even notice except my family",2.5441414141414143,5.329410311688314,3.224588744588747,87.18227994227995,82.24675324675323,5.500144300144299,20.243867243867246,6.937597516519254,0.6560083694083696,322,9,57,4,9,101,58,77,0.267,0.602,0.131,-0.9169,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,2,2,5,8,2,1,2,0,7,3,1,2,1,13,16,4,3,2,2,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,3,14,3,3,13,0,9,0,2,2,1,7,1,1,1,6,40,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918241495525865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870167507141821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215105468616418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628315492246207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147256225400064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788959103128796,0.0,0.18764935760471466,0.0,0.10064712643417903,0.14220343057715856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378777573460356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131263494857635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692736225948774,0.22022254022957047,0.0,0.0,0.16225467964643908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724719173623173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728975271021272,0.0,0.17965301258696256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115617296852486,0.0,0.0,0.15352186667049786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662304444101544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138869909999308,0.0,0.0,0.22102468764236144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738053132838993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172387775367325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043249400100677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773156354402493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322419010506994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828029362063849,0.0,0.0,0.12818354053303033
suicidewatch,throwerway555777,2018/01/14,"Keep me company during these final moments Sitting on the edge of a rooftop, jumping at midnight. Tell me something cool while I wait?",5.7650000000000015,8.192918833333334,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,69.0,6.466666666666668,41.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,3.540566666666667,108,7,16,1,2,33,23,24,0.0,0.901,0.099,0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988056257089429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858691946008849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208219034950717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777780592450782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cantstopcantgo,2018/01/14,"Reasons to end it. 1. Parents are in significant debt paying for college. A private school instead of the much cheaper in state university. I'm just letting them down there.

2. Grades are a disappointment. Why pay so much more if I can't focus and just get fucking academics in check? It was never a problem before.

3. I've contributed mostly stress to my family away and at home. When I'm gone, I piss them off with this crappy performance. When I'm back, we bicker, fight, and argue. There may have been a time when I was something they were proud of but it's gone.

4. I can't talk to the one person who cares. Friends around us are frustrated I haven't gotten over it still, and are probably just irritated at my continued existence. 

5. I don't find the game of life fun anymore. I don't see the point in swinging from happy point to happy point if it's inevitable that they're only temporary. I have seen what the end of a ""full, long life"" is like. It is misery. The reward for persisting long enough is to spend your days locked inside a facility that keeps you alive as long as possible, with your mind perhaps barely there. You die alone in a room perfumed with your own bodily functions you lost control of. You're cared for in name. And that's the good ending. The one that people tell you to work towards.",1.8755172413793093,4.405738532818536,3.1100918652642804,88.67193050193052,82.59073359073359,6.04345626414592,22.058447610171747,7.372421405659032,0.9280373052855808,1036,34,205,16,29,334,158,259,0.135,0.7020000000000001,0.163,0.9186,2,1,1,0,1,0,36.0,2,7,3,7,14,19,5,1,15,0,20,4,1,2,1,26,34,14,1,3,6,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,1,13,10,0,2,2,1,5,2,6,9,0,2,9,3,22,10,34,23,7,37,0,2,2,1,22,19,2,4,16,135,35,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221059347995036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169223343713587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495349638172463,0.0,0.0,0.11076829265918173,0.09065566315519603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032182670582153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404080890060141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223172563506458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603393533673009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235867154977427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31326575465323264,0.1218193150626415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114297987260577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775589744165684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910870779484854,0.10899405407351301,0.06159641670217573,0.0,0.0,0.09888657090964607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510075059772581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182604961513777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479244114409596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055786642167585,0.16654854644241562,0.057598612709217616,0.0,0.0,0.31300591427442404,0.0,0.0,0.1286987118968314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190425550332534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733360028343901,0.0,0.09092958246788747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597803767698171,0.08966612703494681,0.0,0.0,0.13091087933128506,0.0,0.0,0.0817350681716106,0.1029432803961756,0.0,0.0,0.33435286204830883,0.132911369405737,0.0,0.0,0.12711311325692465,0.1128116902143648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121794894716036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193182523590385,0.09394879768479754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076301820365176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941528496866135,0.0,0.13505083490416622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476129692384652,0.10304734218539624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874680065810425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418158054688642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638387788824864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583055979843272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jutiatle,2018/01/14,"Life sucks. I'm at an all time low. I've been unemployed for a few months and can't land anything. I have a Master's degree and can't even get a fast food or retail job. My ex-girlfriend has permanently friend-zoned me and doesn't want to even try to work on rebuilding our relationship. This devastates me as hearing her voice is the only bright light in my life since I'm in such a dark place. I wish she would just be there for me. 

I have just enough cash for February's rent plus $200 worth of credit left on my card. I'm not sure what to do and I feel so overwhelmed that I'm losing motivation to get out of bed. I haven't touched alcohol in two weeks, but I'm really thinking about going to buy a box of wine (since liquor stores are closed in my state on Sundays).

I have a relatively big storage closet in my small apartment's living room. A few weeks ago, I made a make-shift noose and hung it in there. Every few days, I look in there and ask myself if today will be the day I use it. I don't want to die. I really don't. It scares me so much. Not just the pain, but not being able to achieve my dreams. But I'm overwhelmed, lonely in a city where I know no one, and just ready for some sort of relief to my pain. There is no stability in my life. Just constant stress, fear, heartbreak, and loneliness. I crave some sort of stability--even if it's death. 

My only wish would be to hold her one more time.  ",2.126925863991083,3.4558561337792635,3.4761078595317727,92.33025989409144,76.29096989966554,6.8562430323299886,20.81953734671126,7.492282038375204,0.3768962095875144,1100,25,258,14,24,360,166,299,0.138,0.731,0.131,-0.4691,4,2,2,0,0,1,39.0,1,0,0,5,16,16,1,5,13,0,22,9,0,3,2,44,44,18,2,8,14,0,2,0,0,3,6,2,4,0,7,11,4,1,4,3,7,1,11,12,0,3,2,7,31,4,35,35,9,38,0,6,2,0,7,24,1,7,12,154,38,6,0.1215285218211194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107727701983007,0.12987703064324588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000761855763966,0.0,0.11361276275819933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313291582902925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675168554171462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612741877117348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255714496628306,0.0,0.24080532750018804,0.0,0.10239302111645997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367533739889959,0.06144847215627002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695277098005974,0.0,0.09389263449446413,0.0,0.1269872734935451,0.0,0.06906745957682656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697147651633435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059830574891793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678889734747047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204109454630197,0.0,0.2575175669628893,0.0,0.0,0.107311911273782,0.0,0.10205335058939884,0.13595933012585618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499322578387047,0.08112123200003478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700290666788854,0.0,0.08933744678946198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470174313771208,0.18485583425978014,0.2586298312310982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697143927572874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557085659885205,0.0,0.0,0.13047615165622767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167125116498595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105929818304524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921051114407762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145391935854261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787056967633631,0.0,0.0,0.14172851676075746,0.0,0.11519482872934506,0.0,0.0,0.08250988897485555,0.0,0.11871570703435608,0.0,0.0,0.10496162332881108,0.0,0.0,0.14336134173104714,0.0,0.19496569943493894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795036049577,0.0,0.0,0.08847421128348415,0.0,0.0,0.17266075015618207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Potsticker91,2018/01/14,"I’m worthless and he would be better off if I was gone. I’m just a burden... He deserves better than the useless piece of garbage that is me. I’m already dragging him down, so I should probably just end it sooner than later. He’ll move on because he’s not pathetic like me. ",1.9531578947368402,3.6790506315789484,3.761263157894735,88.4008421052632,77.77192982456141,5.963508771929827,27.18947368421053,6.742157984588678,1.2337115789473685,214,9,44,2,5,72,44,57,0.131,0.721,0.14800000000000002,0.2472,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,3,6,4,1,7,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776623654276209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086219165534627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053541373303699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031166489959557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671976417329127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637392674561997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689848031094208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431123365346197,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_depressed_mess,2018/01/14,"Thank you. If it wasn’t for my two friends, I would be gone.  I was planning on hanging myself 2 days ago.  If they didn’t care about me, I would certainly be dead by now.  They helped me without even knowing it.  If you’re reading this right now, you are the best pair of people I could ever ask for.  And if I do end up killing myself, just know that you aren’t the cause of it.  ",1.1023809523809511,2.5484074567901267,2.325326278659613,99.00111111111113,79.37037037037038,5.122398589065256,21.447971781305114,5.288315135182226,-0.2866768959435628,288,8,71,1,7,92,56,81,0.099,0.726,0.175,0.6908,1,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,3,2,2,6,6,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,2,15,17,5,2,7,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,0,15,5,9,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,6,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672750703325435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180208319663956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474058811037985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377741878850133,0.23957196884515855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620003097879329,0.0,0.0,0.15040182134587274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655575196555284,0.0,0.0,0.15403368591393118,0.2109527283068273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017826334851994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631643759696373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25801345171439005,0.0,0.2563333662927377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167916426260287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332741403145023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916094546002688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470938362392825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781328951743396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248071108591788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33133284926016005,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missmatchedsocks88,2018/01/14,"The only thing keeping me alive is that I don’t want to hurt my parents. Otherwise, I would have killed myself after my 30th birthday last weekend. I wish I could. But knowing it would hurt them and how sad they would be is literally the only thing that’s keeping me alive. ",4.24722222222222,5.635835759259264,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000003,71.03703703703705,6.881481481481483,28.314814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.4770148148148152,217,8,42,2,4,69,39,54,0.226,0.629,0.145,-0.802,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,12,14,3,1,6,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,2,9,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,32,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985219740402002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554760713846708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37817864402734425,0.2353606038791497,0.0,0.11691401259151718,0.17340804144750355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235902701286605,0.0,0.0,0.23621789078210603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826643781056533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547706563473635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463563022602144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533641500203297,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aboutthattimebooker,2018/01/14,"Not now, at least I’m never really gonna do it. At least, I don’t think I am. At the last minute, there’s always some reason to wait. But, just every once in a while, I think about it: how much of a mess I’d leave behind, whether or not they could handle it, pros and cons, planning without planning.

Sitting in my tub, I looked at my dog today and said “Hey, it’s about that time, Booker.” And he goes with the flow, so he just rolled on his side and sighed. If no one found me for weeks, would he eat my remains? I wish I had a pack of him to completely erase me, before they could ever see that I wanted to go, that I left on my own. He’d do that for me; he’s a kinder soul than I am.

But I heard her through the door as I brushed bubbles off my razor:

“Your little brother’s on the way.”

So it couldn’t be today anyway, but I really wasn’t gonna do it. I just think about it whenever I’m tired.

And lately, guys, I’m always tired.
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suicidewatch,16bitSamurai,2018/01/14,"I'm going to fucking kill my self I don't even know why I'm making this fucking post. I've talked to suicide prevention hotlines dozens of times. I've heard literally anything any of you will say hundreds of times. I just want to die. 
The only thing keeping me alive is knowing how it would effect certain people in my life, if not for that I'd be out of here.",2.7808,4.254045413333333,4.074333333333332,88.11550000000004,74.86666666666667,6.066666666666666,27.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.0608666666666666,286,11,59,2,6,94,59,75,0.16699999999999998,0.759,0.075,-0.8858,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,3,0,1,0,5,3,0,3,1,14,16,2,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,2,6,1,10,12,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,2,2,1,2,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372562392575992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602457524172056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346101211251152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930765412419644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179696935938401,0.0,0.0,0.12847266054434384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009286877539512,0.25009713284072016,0.0,0.24846859547535874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966982216774112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089393131778325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171925541999133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671855538338822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164988676045009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797685613439355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358253901032112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247268239275245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816950042664765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018135863708107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636297865133489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333350541804276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398010342052886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058347939866527,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,korvaamato,2018/01/14,"After i'm posting this i'm going to kill myself. A song i’m listening to right now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzeNAUOp17c


This is pretty much a suicide note. Here’s some information on me:


I'm 15, male. I've always been really sensitive (and adults say i'm smart). I've known since i was 10 that my life will probably end in a suicide.


I've pretty much always been suicidal and nihilistic. I've always been really interested in death too. Since i was 8 i've watched online videos of  people dying. I've watched countless people kill themselves. I've watched those kinds of videos/pictures so much i don't even have an emotional reaction to them anymore.


Look, i know suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But what’s the point of living anyway? What good will it be? Will i be happy someday? Fuck that. It’s just not worth it.


I often fantasize about killing myself in a very grotesque manner. I've done this since i was 10. I fantasize i'll like put a video camera on, put on some sad music, then stab myself countless times while crying and screaming. Then some days later someone will find my rotting body, the video camera, someone will see the video, get traumatized..


You could never guess i had those thoughts. I seem happy and stable. Even my father sees me as such. My family has always been really broken. My parents would fight and yell at each other when me and my little sister (who's 1,5 years younger than me) were just tiny children. They divorced like 3 years ago, and since then, my little sister has been very fucked up. She started smoking, drinking, dating dangerous guys.. and she's only 14. She probably hates my dad, because he's the one parent who tries to get her to stop these things. He really cares about her, but she keeps being extremely cold to him. She has no clue who she is or why she does what she does. We haven't talked in 2 years. She cuts also.


My mother is an asshole who cheated on my dad many times. She does nothing to stop my sister from smoking. She, in fact, gives my sister the cigarettes she smokes. I fucking despise her for that. I have nothing else to say about my mother.


So, now i’m very sure i’m going to kill myself. I already feel bad for my father who, earlier today, said that i’m the only one who keeps him sane. I already feel bad for my stepmother. I feel VERY bad for them. Also my friends, who would’ve never seen this coming.


But in the end.. it doesn’t matter. When i die, i don’t have to see my father’s life become hell as he tries to navigate life without me. I don’t have to see the tears the people around me are going to shed. I don’t have to see the face of the person who finds my dead body. It just doesn’t matter. Maybe i just wasn’t made to survive.


So now, because being explicit about suicide methods isn't allowed here, i'm just going to say.. i'm killing myself after i post this. No video cameras or screaming tho. Just some sad music, probably the song i linked already. And lots of crying.


Goodbye. If my father reads this, i’m sorry i left you too soon. But please understand, staying any longer would’ve been a fate worse than death.",2.542886045581767,4.898655499186995,3.4805037984806084,88.06619352259096,78.5609756097561,6.049047047847528,22.602292416366787,7.201597864021418,0.8843471944555521,2472,77,475,31,61,789,269,615,0.219,0.727,0.054000000000000006,-0.9989,3,0,4,0,2,8,103.0,1,2,3,1,32,34,15,0,22,0,45,10,3,2,5,63,90,30,15,4,15,14,3,2,1,6,3,10,0,5,31,13,1,4,12,9,1,7,15,23,0,2,17,24,76,11,51,62,9,57,1,2,10,3,64,18,4,11,31,288,107,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020364382916165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749489099704106,0.09058221893124868,0.18849992895495413,0.0,0.0,0.038513844503706915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056166851066984894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041729137487768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186395527410986,0.06904852426319187,0.06254907422957066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581776965088504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774331056208766,0.0,0.0,0.048786167414893035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045218559302485514,0.0,0.12442210708406495,0.03652498682185909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755668955192845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868540581826095,0.057957422358526,0.0,0.05548088635181752,0.0,0.0,0.047311401054691136,0.06370692153161021,0.10032386644003953,0.0,0.0,0.07481396565259223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339057957753813,0.0,0.08590930150351178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352700321517723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375617685676876,0.1570748523431853,0.05917905730795137,0.054329597097388015,0.12874824495288964,0.047502877278915126,0.0,0.0,0.06239000347893363,0.056077703250432494,0.0,0.12057834186018015,0.0,0.05591548599682163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067984814589914,0.313292014664458,0.058976794088377874,0.031125197627475218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153425682895247,0.0,0.12000924528768375,0.05533814765326901,0.11352659895948518,0.05000987557560047,0.0,0.0475592625689808,0.0,0.0,0.048149179740017416,0.0,0.053589548869523364,0.0,0.057419153460533376,0.05689762104993359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490005662421833,0.0,0.08736103916358386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086859089003686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675488753888078,0.08614716820362918,0.0,0.0,0.12577326482543225,0.0,0.0,0.11779104716718534,0.049451628976159234,0.0,0.062168388132002525,0.05353852340660459,0.0,0.10848163772846643,0.11523661770971425,0.18318681386277655,0.054192190371091326,0.0,0.11386793815431445,0.0,0.0,0.05665047686672521,0.0,0.14512771077712722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048366109155207365,0.053872997530692336,0.13511563475453695,0.0,0.0,0.2256544122154016,0.051558514030227404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873967272803244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597355861489032,0.0,0.0,0.06339841429815718,0.04008665108758051,0.06036553498306445,0.0,0.09469904369590587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30974831244631434,0.0,0.05337795918220905,0.0,0.0,0.04552118874338697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037625877496502015,0.0,0.0,0.04496198336126395,0.06604882351444571,0.0,0.05368350058559273,0.0,0.0,0.0769030992442543,0.0,0.0,0.05895918911072524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691972220031344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110441437389968,0.0,0.0,0.05459426413932216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577160569281474,0.1206959581132273,0.0,0.0,0.1094135403720784
suicidewatch,seraphilic,2018/01/14,"Failed attempt, scared about my future with LDR boyfriend I've had suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember, but it has never really escalated past that. Yesterday, I got accepted to the out-of-state college I want to attend and no one in my family cared at all. It was somewhat a given since I exceeded their average GPA/test scores but it's still the next step of my life being actualized. 

I'm planning to go to college with my long-distance (Georgia-Illinois) boyfriend. Our relationship hasn't been perfect but we've met each other's families and I have been fairly confident about it. Last night, I drank too much and the ideation got worse. My father keeps a loaded rifle in every room just in case he sees an animal outside and I thought it would be so easy. 

I told my boyfriend  but he was busy playing a video game with his friend. He did ask if I wanted to talk to him but when I said yes he said in the past when I was depressed I didn't talk to him and that he copes by trying to block it out. I just wanted him to give me a reason not to but instead he just reinforced the thought that I wasn't worth his time. 

So I went into the pantry to grab the gun. My arms were too short. The combination of the length of the barrel and the weight of the gun made it impossible for me to do it. I tried it with one more then I just got in bed and fell asleep. I'm just scared because it's more and more sounding like he's all I'm going to have and his reaction to me telling him I want to kill myself and there's a gun in the next room is to dismiss me like that. I just don't know what to do. 

**TL;DR: I've had suicidal ideation as long as I can remember. My plan right now is to move to Illinois from Georgia to go to school with my boyfriend. I got accepted to the college and my family doesn't care. I drank and told my boyfriend I wanted to die and had the means to and he dismissed me to play a video game with his friend. I attempted it but due to simple mathematics I couldn't. Now I'm scared and confused about what comes next.**",2.083235629996196,3.796170990610329,3.3871247303641674,91.28540350209366,77.35680751173709,6.8589265321659685,23.720086283466568,7.730073105063049,0.9676885674406801,1606,52,359,24,37,523,190,426,0.153,0.745,0.101,-0.9789,0,0,0,4,0,1,39.0,1,0,1,6,20,18,1,4,22,1,28,6,2,2,4,65,65,32,4,8,15,1,2,2,2,1,1,3,3,0,18,25,3,2,9,6,1,9,9,7,0,2,28,6,52,11,56,33,8,42,0,2,1,0,34,13,0,3,22,230,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.08922285431808093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547505585291924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573510629246782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643871603046264,0.0,0.0,0.07875916988773883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874884563748465,0.0,0.09489029139265916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703403197319861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25857725356399885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412777575820875,0.0,0.0,0.0877083442799678,0.15588596267603147,0.0,0.2925008840203784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126751582021156,0.10115416034872853,0.0,0.05024774147319934,0.07452795642615899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457997583160995,0.08933652310154823,0.0,0.0,0.2427390068634705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651362890895223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959447910322984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717601616041324,0.06721184371106557,0.0,0.070516739576408,0.0,0.29171171440181537,0.08580121068550071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391117293512967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456127173380853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058572637666476614,0.09400565037139574,0.0,0.09816200292590067,0.2071455769278016,0.07808103832729098,0.17394244269273212,0.0,0.2746132583138295,0.09253241794314733,0.072858169146385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563214873367857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301641337759747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001997496489074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697653977376282,0.07991417529597514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517100537635005,0.053313785317674924,0.0,0.0,0.17473127767881538,0.0,0.124150442209627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696400121368924,0.0,0.0,0.11133756190462137,0.0,0.08475687106969924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317536042945453,0.06494951317492502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxhelpxx00,2018/01/14,There’s no way out when you live with abusers This is my last month. I am going to do it this month. I don’t want to live with these people for the rest of my life. Even if I get out of here they’ll stalk and follow me everywhere I go. I want to live but at the same time I don’t because of these people. I hope karma does it’s job. ,-1.9819480519480517,-0.1710740649350626,0.4389740259740301,105.62988961038964,94.84415584415585,3.5994805194805197,11.596103896103894,4.935628992294339,-1.803663896103896,255,3,70,1,10,85,51,77,0.056,0.857,0.08800000000000001,0.3071,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,13,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,12,1,12,12,2,12,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,47,18,1,0.0,0.2553675484715785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138495488539687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886115650214101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235538857567295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260541564840225,0.0,0.2449810844650698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140697053008873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388005225642212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568553904552284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223505929301073,0.0,0.0,0.5709502396847471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34406763210003044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29884242679297296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567714937109714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542500997055863,0.1710775091958574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway39612,2018/01/14,"Sad and scared Reposting this from another sub as I got no responses and i’m really desperate for people to tell me it’ll be okay

Obviously i’ve made a throwaway for this confession,I like to keep a good image on my ‘main’ reddit.
Basically,last year I became really ill with OCD,depression,autism amongst other things. I’ve had severe OCD all my life to the point where I took two attempts on my life in the past 12 months. I’m currently having therapy and am on meds.
From about august,i’ve been doing fine with my recovery but the last few weeks i’ve been doing some really self destructive things (NOT self harm-just self destruction) and have started relapsing into old habits. I’m starting to feel sucidal again,like there’s no point to me,there’s no point to recovery anymore.
I hate myself,yet i’ve been doing so well,it’s like my brain is trying to *make* me relapse. I’m so sick of this,so sick of fighting. The only reason i’ve been holding on is my wonderful family and friends,but the voice in my head that constantly bangs on that i’m a shit person is so powerful. I’m at a crossroads,I can either put my all in and carry on,or the easier option,give up with everything. 
If it makes any difference,i’m fourteen. Please don’t tell me i’m ‘still developing’. I’m ill.",3.0363107822410136,4.899382081395348,4.762706131078228,81.80391120507402,75.08527131782945,8.876955602536999,24.905567300916143,9.457814108942452,2.272466666666667,1019,34,201,27,22,345,150,258,0.192,0.71,0.098,-0.9806,2,0,1,0,2,2,33.0,0,0,0,2,7,12,5,1,10,1,18,9,3,4,3,26,37,12,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,6,1,0,4,9,10,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,8,2,15,5,29,27,6,28,0,1,0,0,7,15,1,3,13,105,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267181220820438,0.12747681179743692,0.0,0.0,0.12056483645222785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571239684973133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137405042583858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925933447247893,0.0,0.11460543670462685,0.0,0.06146947703574272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019672016740335,0.09723068566822334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200252692876401,0.1247659584367639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805705852433392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819165549631795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717370626505802,0.11878598487618165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503253382136935,0.1622979232048649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350369348875564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703606508975912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275673316862104,0.0,0.0,0.09245951168694087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605238184929913,0.08428137514962114,0.10615029054586704,0.0,0.1334474232620687,0.3447690156626165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222114920093586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336426875746941,0.12499427306566753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171284194627525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38047227000922057,0.13733956856618862,0.12478992349565154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209583376955764,0.0,0.09708600999980052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125151883806797,0.0,0.13902596290669253,0.0,0.16153149697949915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506881403939486,0.08253809326069711,0.0,0.118756287524485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975161721978684,0.0,0.10930608734593698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318375483738618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828713526469372
suicidewatch,Holeen,2018/01/14,"I feel like a Hypocrite I have written here before with my other account, trying to lift people's moods up, trying to give hope, trying to solve people's lifes, trying to stop them from disappearing from this world, trying to help anyone.


I feel like a hypocrite because it's easier to just read other people's wall of text, feel sad about them and try to help them the best you can, with the best words you have, than to help yourself.


I've been struggling with suicidal shitty thoughts for at least 10 years, they come on go, but the last 3 years have been hell, I simply think ""I will kill myself the next year if nothing gets better"".


I also know that sometimes things don't get better because we don't make different things. How can you expect a different outcome when you always do the same?


Shitty it is, when you know that you don't want to do anything. The worst is to feel like 50% of you wants to do something and the other 50% wants to finally have the balls to hang yourself. It's like some days, some hours you feel extremely powerful, focused, and suddenly you remember the shit that's inside you and burst into tears, you want the pain to stop, you want to finally kill yourself so these shitty mood changes stop.



As many others, I just want this to stop. I want to stop pretending I'm alright, I want to stop pretending that I want to do things in life, that I want to wake up every day, go to work, study some stuff, I'm tired of pretending I'm happy and stable like everyone seems. I'm tired of feeling that I'm left behind, just because everyone has their life figured out and I'm 26 and I give up at things easily. I don't know what's wrong with me, I know that I'm not lazy, that I used to get and work for awesome grades, I loved to stand out on everything I did.


But this, this crushing feeling of just ""Leave me alone, I don't want to do anything, I'm tired of pretending to be this happy person I'm not sure I am anymore"". The endless crying over whatever reason, the endless loneliness because sometimes I feel like I want to be with people, sometimes I don't, and even after socializing I feel incredibly alone in this.


For so many nights I've wanted to just sleep and never wake up, I don't have the balls to kill myself with painful methods, I think hanging myself is easier. I've tried it, I've put the rope around my neck and felt how my weight would tighten the rope, but I don't have the balls to just wait there and 'finish the job'



I feel so lost, so hurt, I'm not sure about going back to therapy, I don't want to work, I don't want to study, I just want to be in my room, forget I exist and forget everyone exists.


This depression thingy makes you push everyone away from your life, makes you miss opportunities, makes you be slower, makes you look awful, makes you think wrong things, makes you angry, makes you almost useless, makes you selfish. My mind is a prison and I only want to get out of there, I want the pain to stop.



I know 26 is still young, but  it's a weird feeling, you think you'll never get better. I don't know how people hold lives together feeling like this. I used to work and go to school, I actually know how it feels, you have to live in 'automatic mode' or else it would be impossible.



I used to debate suicide with myself, thinking, ""If I die, this is it. Life still goes on, without me, but it goes on. If I decide to stay, I could.. make some changes, change myself and my habits and maybe everything"".

It is true that the world doesn't give a shit about you, people die every day, in every country, of diseases, crime, old age, suicide, etc.. And no one bats an eye (only close people). And here you are, thinking about killing yourself or giving it another try.

It just gets old... Because Every.Day. you think ""Maybe today will be different, I'll do things better now"" and you get depressed within a few hours or maybe the next day. It gets pretty old and I'm really tired of that.",4.693180551408382,5.2515184593908675,5.200856972230518,85.29489449586944,69.35532994923858,8.058564745695234,26.23778242261372,7.994972329748466,1.3809293022792877,3078,85,635,37,51,986,284,788,0.25,0.619,0.132,-0.9989,6,2,2,0,0,5,120.0,1,28,5,13,34,47,7,1,28,2,52,21,7,18,5,157,148,44,9,26,23,0,15,7,0,5,12,0,1,1,45,36,1,9,34,8,1,10,19,23,0,1,7,17,89,22,94,129,11,80,1,7,2,1,44,29,3,13,46,385,134,8,0.0,0.0,0.03652677144750311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03748124186230515,0.07753342517876921,0.0,0.0299331596721338,0.031145176935205486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924914595076792,0.0,0.0,0.037121001033217714,0.026172277953192425,0.0,0.061604229256391564,0.03332108333769439,0.0,0.0,0.03516718964222528,0.0287817463083034,0.0,0.11408643585249585,0.0,0.0318506011090498,0.0,0.07856200709902385,0.13241695234620432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878952698615708,0.0322430639534194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029885210844138713,0.0,0.04111564987072576,0.12069788921720995,0.0,0.06447767465722504,0.0,0.07769390506002324,0.11732072666515565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0312683822231668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417449050767348,0.024722494171668292,0.0,0.09461043925584628,0.14306579840521666,0.06728024500657173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460378302671261,0.13370179387098927,0.03593915270224197,0.08200657274882124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564471431630315,0.14362699647030114,0.08509046961207434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969093277879041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526663134425525,0.0,0.0,0.037176935095917685,0.07372301117643096,0.0,0.04007012754569373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037143998539505306,0.0,0.16564522281925395,0.0,0.14399577863773688,0.03051085567295189,0.0,0.03963349806792176,0.04066835095671757,0.0,0.13219135586477546,0.1280065713168116,0.0,0.06610363969662396,0.0,0.031432195350540953,0.0,0.040859815560322456,0.0,0.0337824902813034,0.0,0.2498515136029761,0.07589731004834006,0.11281191359276932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779413772522788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057737422758253526,0.0,0.0796155290177719,0.035125991390674835,0.0,0.035915577070318463,0.0,0.11783104901913065,0.0,0.02536387749633061,0.05693516832698885,0.11948608250170145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164718455657133,0.03268287139916473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038080277991418915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03762799382179769,0.0,0.0,0.037440632158531134,0.0,0.02397893864159019,0.03848479105643247,0.0,0.0,0.04240146318245317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037881667287226015,0.0,0.03407532407869384,0.0,0.0,0.07684374673958498,0.0,0.0,0.03745753479442331,0.038155684005658816,0.0,0.028815829846628838,0.11105917348821816,0.0,0.0,0.03989593583953372,0.059784095986255274,0.2190550353518698,0.0,0.03913048869890668,0.042848970688749065,0.122828684976243,0.0,0.07055561208481333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280504220439356,0.0,0.14920297765217244,0.1678876843133399,0.0,0.0297156383009348,0.0,0.17208342748757954,0.035479740146513186,0.0,0.0,0.2033028359093198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698380983261318,0.0,0.0,0.3973946475723673,0.0,0.0,0.045580268736013736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03608166911665765,0.0,0.10899940772101953,0.0,0.0,0.053179110699809004,0.08184875803656716,0.0,0.07231205004453811
suicidewatch,Oppigniteshope,2018/01/14,"I don’t want to die but I must. Tired of crying and no one there My girlfriend and I went through a rough patch a month ago and several instances prior to that.  I have changed drastically.  It’s nothing severe like physical altercations or disrespecting her.  It was more of us being frustrated with the fact that we miscommunicated certain things when we knew we were better than that.   It has taken a toll or her and she told me she doesn’t feel the same as she used to about me but want to make it work.   I feel that when I decide to end my life she will not even care the way I would like her to care.

I’ve been extremely lonely for years(family included)  I am as helpful as possible to those who I love(family included) but I’ve never gotten the same in return.  As I struggled academically but finally able to obtain my law degree, no one was there.  As I struggled financially until I was able to open up my own company, no one was there. All through my life I’ve had to do it all by myself. That’s not an exaggeration.  I’m tired of going through life alone, not being able to exhale.   I have made peace with the choice to end my life. I know a general sense of time and method.  At the moment I am doing all things to make arrangements for the ones I’ll leave behind. I love you all.  Please remember Hope creates opportunity....but opportunity ignites hope.  ",2.7875746268656703,4.980532279850749,4.485576119402985,81.99673731343286,76.94776119402985,7.720835820895523,24.152835820895525,8.608573733854374,1.6969362388059708,1073,36,215,23,25,361,145,268,0.175,0.6829999999999999,0.142,-0.8433,0,3,1,0,0,3,29.0,4,1,0,4,7,14,1,2,12,0,21,7,0,5,8,48,42,19,1,6,9,0,3,2,1,3,6,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,9,4,0,4,13,3,37,10,37,24,8,20,0,1,0,1,17,4,0,4,15,157,51,2,0.32216395101997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519296810623674,0.0,0.0,0.11122156456421546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497594476712756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897841277777724,0.0,0.11360224758788964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796065751391055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145177267681976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902277581846297,0.0,0.0,0.07092875041603558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247166744282727,0.0,0.1085971823862257,0.0,0.0,0.11763828703095408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103106587860518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197990181468532,0.0,0.0,0.2133209968493692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901762738846285,0.0,0.0,0.11370836910927876,0.0,0.0,0.3034052348337891,0.10492868889241788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384369594396972,0.10161310668451813,0.14336462596660682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571606402692175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282423326806565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304166660449067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29107550783962605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787975806704885,0.0,0.12106381625062965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216496514655663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426357095531409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453047393275705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268760923736712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261879687120396,0.2468533796438315,0.0,0.10261382041079994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917452202532598,0.09274873851383582,0.0,0.0,0.1266804301944876,0.08523958294068841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954973673934173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781797310988929,0.0,0.0,0.07628534248975713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Next2nothing22,2018/01/14,"Birthday wish. Suicide. 8 days in counting Every year I'm amazed that I've lasted another year, and I become distraught at the thought of another. I've never felt greater sadness than I have in the past few days, which is an extension of years of major depression. The crisis center I attend, my mother, few acquaintances, and former therapist all try to tell me life is worth it. But they take my words as empty threats when I tell them I'm going to succeed at suicide this time. Everyone knows it's going to happen but they do nothing to keep me safe. I know I'm responsible for my actions but it feels like I'm not important enough to save. 

I'm the boy  (well girl) who cries wolf. I always want to kill myself and gesture all the time whether I tell people or not. I speed at 70 mph with my eyes closed for a few seconds, whip my car around sharp bends trying to tip over, I pound my chest as hard as I can and hold my breath to try to induce a heart attack. I threw myself down stairs the other day and dragged a butcher knife across my wrists to cut the veins (damn dull knife). Wrapped a cord around my neck to see if I would like to hang myself, I was pleased. At this point I know for sure I'm 100% ready to die,  just waiting on the right moment and a sure method. No more attempts. Just success to come. 

I have nothing to live for personally, only my jobs that I love taking care of other people. I work with teens who most have depression and tried to commit suicide at some point. I pride myself in being their support and seeing progress except I'm the biggest hypocrite there is. I'm the 26 almost 27 year old who's never grown up mentally. I self harm everyday and bleed through shirts where I have to wear gauze under my clothes so no one finds out. I'm severely severely bulimic and purge up to 15 times a day on a bad day. Random people comment on my body all the time because I'm so underweight. I love being small and breakable and closer to death. Weighed in at 83 today, and want to be under 80lbs when I finally go in 8 days.

I have no money because I eat at buffets every single day and purge back to back until I'm too dizzy to stand. I work two jobs and have nothing to show for it. Moved out of my apartment because pysch hospitalizations in the past few years have ruined me financially. I hate living in my sisters house. My plan was to die in my own space, it has always been the plan, and now I don't have that luxury. My borderline personality makes it impossible to connect with people on a genuine level. And who wants to be friends with someone who complains about how bad they want to die all the time? Buzzkill. Except no one but you guys knows what that feeling is like. To feel like living is a daunting chore. I'm not living,  just existing to keep a handful of people happy. Except they're not happy seeing me suffer,  so I want to leave before people figure out my plans and commit me for good. 

Anyways, sorry for the long rant. Just sorting out my thougts. Not sure if my birthday will the deadline or sooner but I'm moving towards organizing my affairs. 

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suicidewatch,alexa67,2018/01/14,Everything is going to shit I suffer from bipolar and am having a real down time at the moment. To expressed to my boyfriend how I really felt (suicidal) and he dumped me because it was too much for him. Every time I have something good going my bipolar ruins it. My friends aren’t answering today and I really need someone to talk to because I’m struggling so badly. ,3.923708920187796,5.963599704225353,5.478521126760565,76.86078638497655,73.08450704225352,7.550234741784037,30.143192488262912,8.344100000000001,2.630293896713616,293,13,48,5,6,99,53,71,0.239,0.687,0.07400000000000001,-0.9259,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,1,2,0,6,3,1,1,0,8,11,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,1,9,2,9,9,1,8,0,2,0,0,5,2,1,0,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925636788559469,0.2811758171976099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431295939789145,0.0,0.2072724260515625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143781938081966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781816326479208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26214096082198696,0.19343875167013316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953717627852513,0.17100679145463532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625036992566665,0.2954907661765195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367350150411888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540927239838055,0.17754771732523822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110112335094536,0.0,0.25226820068072225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853690224564518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26896059147950424,0.0,0.2186071651531143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nezxmi,2018/01/14,I need someone to talk to I'm pretty I won't make it through the night I'm so tired,-4.002142857142856,-2.956944666666665,-0.6186904761904746,108.84910714285715,114.71428571428572,2.1,14.773809523809526,3.1291,-1.7205333333333337,66,2,19,0,4,23,16,21,0.179,0.669,0.153,-0.1384,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28217423387605073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134474682290289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967016075616188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300663667417412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581760769893024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397727674019222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858636697237753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pasta_Weed,2018/01/14,"I don't see the point It's really hard to make it. It's easy to just end it and then there's nothing to stress about. 
So why not?
I am not sad or mad or manic or anything right now. I am chilling, I just don't have a reason not to end it",-2.4022556390977456,-0.7632238070175443,0.8348370927318314,103.58052631578951,94.08771929824562,3.9588972431077702,13.406015037593985,5.288315135182226,-1.4171984962406017,181,3,51,1,7,64,36,57,0.092,0.762,0.146,0.6016,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,11,7,6,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,7,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,4,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23919866944165674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148990505953074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603854321865952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940261255865489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789080669021802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747794303642718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862122223401215,0.29885970250926325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482326944594926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162831883437254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329643233006728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26228668587127235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spooky-throwaway,2018/01/14,"A thought 
As someone who nearly killed himself 3 months ago and got help, nothing helped me more than just talking about something else. 

I wanted nothing more than to talk about something other than what was going on, to not feel like anything was wrong or that, well, I was about to kill myself. It was like i needed a distraction. 

Some people need to talk about their feelings and what made them feel suicidal. Some don't. I get that. It's hard to predict what someone is thinking. 

tl;dr Just some thoughts I've had recently. ",4.051818181818181,6.454265696969697,3.598989898989899,88.8518181818182,73.84848484848484,5.612121212121212,28.171717171717173,6.42735559955562,1.2674323232323237,420,17,76,3,9,125,67,99,0.23,0.726,0.044,-0.9649,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,2,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,19,20,4,3,3,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,9,4,9,3,15,11,5,6,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,4,5,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832987342293332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841674854058874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036065950964956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367123558455826,0.1114829280405295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153025241110406,0.0,0.0886874291852345,0.0,0.12480831015596842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979112278003025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919550897726946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452948146985047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247735774688542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765931208378302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245584891724717,0.0,0.0,0.2314198080265079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994704542205241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818617535969142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540816226937402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26444315994917195,0.2402715021400256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706945615321141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762838588984944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999123575845388,0.0,0.24777426468773264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204297451052013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030866858183252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061736679468034,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,armsofasquid,2018/01/14,"My friend just told me her plans to kill herself. What do I do? She said she plans to overdose on her dad’s prescription stuff Monday night. I didn’t know what to say, so I just talked to her for like five hours last night. About pretty much everything. Just her life, about her. We were friends but not super close, yknow. So I tried to get to know her.


What do I say? She made me promise not to tell anyone/do anything. Obviously I can’t just sit here and I don’t want this to happen. Help. Please.

(Other pertinent info: she is probably anorexic. She doesn’t eat ever. She also has very high social anxiety. Her dad is abusive but she doesn’t resent him. Her younger brother is the only contact I have in her house besides her.)",0.7359408795962529,3.223833315068493,1.95478731074261,94.73415645277578,89.13698630136986,4.717519826964671,19.32804614275415,6.339386263674448,0.04993698630137011,568,17,119,6,19,180,91,146,0.112,0.763,0.125,-0.4262,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,3,11,7,2,0,1,0,14,2,0,1,2,18,22,6,1,1,8,3,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,3,31,5,13,17,1,11,0,0,0,0,34,4,0,0,7,81,37,0,0.0,0.1984167456862016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392042081732408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810904295793954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780810974364394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135686591892202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514802331453754,0.0,0.0,0.15050530619994615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587636155154607,0.0,0.08749271492530589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480873319397992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224718732815862,0.1769342769281148,0.0,0.0,0.16491771648582726,0.1932302800243685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852734408037232,0.0,0.1840670106550413,0.13650502238900736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828435220157565,0.08181415854475628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845791857813105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310486789847325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143061140347396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736346221334266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838245253517493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703704824118211,0.18055386947636184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592960425373745,0.26634723501398944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070784757038693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170552821954726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460073786106316,0.1463703932199494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600184555928245,0.0,0.11369665630253295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817484353702295,0.09877425239798887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlzTypehere,2018/01/14,"I don't really know what I'm doing here I haven't visited this sub in a while. I'm generally pretty level headed and can keep calm now after meds, therapy and all that fun stuff. But it's just this lingering thoughts. The, what's the point. I can end it all now and it wouldn't matter. Nothing matters. 

I fight them back a lot. I don't want to die, but sometimes my brain tells me I do. 

I just want to stop feeling like I want to die sometimes.",0.4743157894736854,2.499781747368424,2.6476315789473723,93.00092105263157,84.15789473684211,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.3778210526315791,346,10,79,5,10,117,60,95,0.084,0.6970000000000001,0.219,0.9042,0,0,0,0,1,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,4,0,8,2,2,0,2,22,17,6,2,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,11,3,5,15,3,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,8,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783997088666853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463140380928167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990815754925785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702897845754334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721499622626396,0.1373542043046907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731943012209904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089402811343402,0.0,0.0,0.10566385421395963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939310014363417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345688690760066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135631495264994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448351992185896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817526365542636,0.0,0.0,0.1956026965599182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316992696315912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803101405388281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074220743987722,0.0,0.0,0.22009750594323102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804814545956326,0.0,0.21987186342040954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526369892302736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402087588101361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UntamedHunger,2018/01/14,"I'm worth nothing I mean, I'm just another 17 year old girl that says that she has a lot of problems at home, but probably is exaggerating. I'm replacable. No one will bat an eye once I'm gone, because you know, there are a lot of other girls out there. Unlike me, they are a lot of fun. 
I don't see the point of hurting myself more thinking I'll mean something to someone.

*Life is just a fucking waste of time*",2.1084236453201965,3.4456484137931085,4.041050903119871,88.22689655172415,76.35632183908045,6.810509031198686,26.221674876847292,7.447530270364453,1.1754709359605915,320,12,72,4,7,109,63,87,0.163,0.77,0.067,-0.8171,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,6,0,7,3,1,0,0,12,18,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,3,7,1,8,16,4,7,0,1,2,1,6,3,1,3,3,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232500760903527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176205924628142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837926193462206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935446864402063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655707695517075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604033104346552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362863646242784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921178352225871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203584569006327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851408286221041,0.0,0.2024686763824116,0.20548556348437585,0.1307479840166898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824002152070897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803284654123536,0.18462719098844715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534416671020218,0.0,0.0,0.1537562515048411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634859969203663,0.14854241670106394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363463562008765,0.0,0.0,0.1125107572701922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425354081876408
suicidewatch,H0peless__,2018/01/14,"This week I am going to kill myself, but im afraid of death. Hi. Even tho I doubt anyone cares about my self-pity, and just about me in general, but i wanted to talk to somebody.
im a 17 year old girl. Right now im in my second final year in highscool. but i fucked up everything. I have no chance of getting anywhere in life like this. and right now im also in big trouble so tomorrow when i go to school, my teachers are going to kill me (and of course this has to be done in front of the class and everyone). i cant take this anymore. even tho i always worked as hard as possible to do good at least at the important classes, i always end up fucking it up and failing. and it never stops. day by day we write tests after tests. i dont have day when i dont have one. and for me this mean failure and stress and insomnia every day. and i never even have any time for myself and what i love, but its all pointless because it doesnt worth learning for me, i just get humiliation for my bad perfomance. the next days im gonna have multiple tests as well, but i dont have any life left in me, i cant learn. I'm afraid to even go to school next week. There are so many things im going to get so much trouble for, i am going to be humiliated by the teacher next week. hell, i might even get expelled if next week it turnes out i missed unnecessary classes like art and P.E.? then my life is really over, i know, its my fault. if not expelled, but my main teacher is going to kill me thats sure. 
Im lonely, was never loved by anyone, no matter how much i was trying. I always took care of myself, and was trying to get best out of myself. Even tho im ugly, i was always obsessed with the way i look. No guy ever loved me, and when finally i tried to make a move towards the boy i have been in love with for years, i was rejected. i hate school, i was always a loser, for most of my life i was bullied, and im still an easy target, and teachers hate me too.
I love my mother and my dogs, and the good memories i had in my life, im afraid of losing them, i will miss them more than anything.
I have overdosed last year, but it was a pathetic attempt to kill myself, there was no way it could have been strong enough to kill me. i have been cutting myself since i was 11. i had been on the complete edge before many times, but i was always too afraid of death to kill myself. but now i am just in a way too big trouble to get out in any other way. im going to get myself rope and hopefully hang myself. but im still afraid of death. i am not religious, i couldnt believe in heaven or reincarnation, but at the same time i dont know what to believe. Is death scary? Whats gonna happen afterwards? im scared... 
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suicidewatch,Carsordeath,2018/01/14,"It's what I want I feel like I've convinced myself that this is what I want, how it has to be. And rationally I know it's not, but life is going to get so stressful soon and I have no way of coping. I want to send a letter explaining this to an ex, who was also the only person I could talk about this stuff with, but I feel it would be pathetic and just cause unnecessary pain and if killing myself is what I want why not just do it. ",4.7285263157894715,3.43807532631579,6.104210526315789,85.13947368421054,69.42105263157895,9.284210526315787,26.36842105263158,8.238735603445708,1.2841157894736843,336,7,81,4,5,115,60,95,0.233,0.682,0.085,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,3,0,11,2,0,2,0,24,21,10,1,7,7,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,11,2,7,16,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889945396726714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298100567401394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861288150914212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262272855316509,0.15981726072327462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168783582871342,0.0,0.12713858742408268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750009888062685,0.0,0.12294423620611206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801179456118006,0.10929257988528457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701402497564444,0.2380414134957065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533346667830007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562571122477032,0.0,0.2560924921806021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980826493804186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277958271690062,0.1775692430024579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018619533651908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891596428287275,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sss123uuu,2018/01/14,"Can I go Only one person on this earth truly believes my story, and he's my bf so I find it hard to talk about this with him. My best friend died on monday, and he was the fourth person who was close to me that died within a four year period. First it was my dad, then my maternal grandma, then my paternal grandpa. My best friend and I were friends for 10 years but for a lot of the time it was secret bc we lived in different countries which meant our entire friendship was online and people didn't believe our friendship was real bc they thought I was a catfish, or it was weird that we never met up. We went to the same elementary together when we were 8-9 and when I left we skyped and messaged each other almost every single day. He was my only friend for the majority of my life, and was with me for everything. I don't want to go through grief anymore, and I'm scared to lose someone else. Last year he proposed to me, and we were going to get married but he started national service and there wasn't enough time. I've never really had any friends, and him and my bf now are honestly the only true people that really loved me. I don't know if i can wait until i grow old and i'll see them. I miss them every day, and it's not fair to constantly put the burden of consoling me on my bf. Wouldn't it just be easier on everyone if I go?",4.46779411764706,4.45226667857143,5.752100840336134,83.15878151260506,69.71428571428572,8.873949579831931,27.542016806722685,8.671277953709913,1.804560924369747,1050,31,224,16,17,354,153,280,0.095,0.752,0.153,0.9663,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,8,0,3,4,7,16,0,1,9,0,23,2,0,0,3,46,40,25,3,4,7,2,1,0,8,1,1,0,0,2,14,24,0,1,5,0,0,7,8,6,0,3,20,2,40,10,27,18,8,39,0,3,1,1,36,10,0,5,22,153,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930528879478424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423072114225841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825473054477397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459658406442637,0.2291077469045356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179602846727198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407948827979055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265761300380269,0.1140461670298927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911869345632921,0.0,0.0,0.1127886917256554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393950097052011,0.10430449762568804,0.09810356121128368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976781343679998,0.09284916110209107,0.0,0.0,0.42167337542653294,0.0,0.05703019468837312,0.0,0.24814648321419255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778351853557617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999000866715394,0.08897778528683148,0.0,0.0,0.11859974817435955,0.0,0.07710104367435562,0.0,0.0,0.09638791390597573,0.0,0.0,0.12211912034118133,0.0,0.09280165043418877,0.09851874358833634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837770989665155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454224568602504,0.0,0.07396782542256564,0.24905718330080004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135188377052952,0.1906239238311506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973325661325893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424492837174783,0.13985794936252574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092855205253274,0.0,0.08698425183738535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248864347840452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726211331934922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773651945728865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665871953062518,0.12730102287251968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643838158327228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011899297560282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088120672464333
suicidewatch,HanaNiArashi,2018/01/14,Tips for a painless effective suicide? The world would be a much better place without me anyway.,4.430588235294118,7.696479411764709,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,78.41176470588233,5.752941176470588,32.029411764705884,7.1686216300943375,2.6203176470588243,78,4,11,1,2,24,16,17,0.19,0.464,0.34600000000000003,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937754144196538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272999838659088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465177274702228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870163572680717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291920017073844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31628316440234383,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FailedPlayer,2018/01/14,"A Right To Die Last night I just caved in. I started harming myself and breaking down internally. 

Please don't get me wrong, I used to love living. Despite all the suicide attempts and illnesses etc, living was still something good. But I am afflicted with conditions that are slowly eroding my capability to live. 

My sanity, my mobility, my upkeep etc. I feel as though I am ready to end my life. I'm not sure how yet, because I don't want another failed attempt. I want to make sure this works. I can't risk my  condition getting worse to a point where I can no long attempt to end my life. 

When I realized this is what I wanted to do last night, a wave of happiness washed over me. For the first time in so long, I felt calm and peaceful. Nothing and no-one has been able to provide me those feelings since my first suicide attempt as a child.

Please don't bring up family etc if you try to talk me out of this, which I guess is in part, why I am here. I cannot spend my whole life existing purely for the purpose of other people feeling better. There comes a point where I have to consider myself, and what I can continue to put myself through. 

I feel as though I have a right to die. We're all going to die, I just want to make it happen sooner, rather than later. I tried the treatments, professionals, alternatives, everything I could find. My conditions only continue to get worse. I want to die with my dignity, not decrepit and unable to move. 

In other ways, I want to live. Knowing that such feelings of peace and happiness do still exist makes me wonder how life could have been, had I not been like this. I don't know when I'll do this, but left unchecked, I just know I will. 

Any comments are appreciated, I just feel conflicted and deeply saddened right now. ",4.048169761273211,5.440471597701151,4.922528735632183,83.6099602122016,71.52873563218391,8.112466843501327,27.75243147656941,8.617729084823388,1.9580513704686124,1388,50,277,24,26,451,179,348,0.108,0.7759999999999999,0.116,0.5712,0,0,1,0,0,5,47.0,0,1,0,9,21,13,0,1,10,0,30,7,0,6,5,57,62,21,6,10,11,0,7,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,14,12,0,1,13,0,1,5,10,4,0,2,6,7,50,9,40,53,7,44,0,1,0,1,5,16,0,3,22,189,64,3,0.07773306908409187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286115255770176,0.08150990060581992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047385357421400126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874858269402377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696015605962226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412706093249695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32269861296162045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769685362246806,0.0,0.26007875951278897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986147023555271,0.0,0.07327981946649645,0.0,0.2358250520778647,0.0,0.074635936493793,0.0,0.07104661688957638,0.1322394177059436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183696084698195,0.0,0.04417749451976942,0.06519881032725339,0.0,0.0,0.08563173929982568,0.0,0.06873909627365947,0.16549659496112412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816018561971074,0.1267256523961214,0.0,0.0,0.08445720700375632,0.0,0.21962066213622886,0.03797645110550478,0.0,0.2745588965483888,0.1375826400447802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015712975003581,0.0,0.15566228166241505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826179506034463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589443910581576,0.0,0.07458697625865272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911950182469754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417733878578786,0.0,0.05389032259673729,0.0,0.0,0.1706551341035767,0.14696575166564935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814320444725825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915084881462253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430159801773241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059842714275085564,0.0,0.0,0.0550198663876311,0.0,0.1241554587649091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005472198070853,0.0,0.14652499535734234,0.0,0.0,0.06247889645346912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274469140554306,0.0,0.04532677769571653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055513027508676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671364137005328,0.0,0.0,0.27509386884102593,0.061700892062410674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701420042429342,0.08678619562445364,0.0,0.0,0.08429819755097229,0.05659060008960344,0.0,0.1584332766371402,0.0,0.08498890830183611,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pfefferminz,2018/01/14,I dont want to die. I just think it is the only solution at this point I can barely function aymore. Everyday I wake up in misery for having to wake up. I struggle for 3 hours till I fall asleep. I cant read. I cant concentrate. I cant watch a movie. Have a discussion. I cant feel good anymore. I have so much responsibilities and so many deadlines and I cant keep up because I am so stressed that I JUST CANT anymore. I should find someone responsible and loving to parent my poor cat and then go for it ,0.4157165109034261,2.586988383177569,2.9959112149532707,89.46495716510904,85.72897196261681,5.809657320872272,22.00077881619938,7.1686216300943375,0.7391376947040502,395,14,87,6,12,137,67,107,0.158,0.726,0.116,-0.4936,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,0,14,4,3,0,0,12,20,9,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,1,2,7,2,0,0,0,2,16,2,12,19,1,12,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,4,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369703611033389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429700084555268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286437111382503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581979680216724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139375446250008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135645456129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520545041191272,0.18478291949516454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695785349756025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958188360411876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988355185246952,0.0,0.0,0.22335655057441509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195087140106473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675532742305411,0.0,0.0,0.24462466696935875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826116705405884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036645158909493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666526504354888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25236073335633297,0.23031253604409085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411637232626574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299426783109476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeriodicDead,2018/01/14,"I Want To Die But I Dont My life has gone to complete and utter shit within 8 months, all my friends hate me, my girlfriend broke up with me, the friends i still have just vent to me constantly, the only thing that made me happy (my music) has made me even more depressed and i just cant deal with it. Im just done with life and want to go fall off my balcony 13 stories up. ",2.1248148148148154,2.98627327160494,3.223148148148148,95.9991666666667,75.54320987654322,5.893827160493827,23.37654320987655,5.46131890053228,0.07615061728395077,289,8,70,1,6,93,52,81,0.189,0.677,0.134,-0.7959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,6,3,1,2,1,15,13,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,4,0,14,3,11,9,2,10,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265916819330732,0.2191828158235244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910466662596747,0.17469370876419674,0.0,0.2105013323675744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075613846147105,0.2377105235590707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396463875937945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134056790053579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527067156224426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591201413534886,0.0,0.20024865190018987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908685021173926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865239585062821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838376695025555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618937523344039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425828811338796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819794114226045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197707979506634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474856045540762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392640215617076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,givering,2018/01/14,Just kinda lost Not feeling up to anything rightnow. ,5.573333333333334,9.004341888888893,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,74.55555555555556,3.6,42.333333333333336,3.1291,3.1364666666666667,43,3,5,0,1,13,9,9,0.308,0.6920000000000001,0.0,-0.2763,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645838892796551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469017450933923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7489353852082417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Esmeraldus,2018/01/14,"Having a bad mental health day So, I have experienced suicidal thoughts for probably thirty years--I'm 45. For most of my adult life I have managed by telling myself that I can always do it later, so I should wait and see.

Three decades of ""wait and see."" 

I have many good and loving friends who value me. I have a loving family and a supportive partner. I was never abused; I have a good relationship with my only child. I'm educated and financially secure. I have hobbies I enjoy.

I faithfully take my medication, I see my psychiatrist at the VA, and I have a therapist if I need it.

I've never attempted suicide, but I keep a handgun and a stock of pills because I panic at the thought of my escape hatch being shut. I can wait and see for a long time, but the capacity to leave HAS to be there. Discussions of assisted suicide are triggering because if someone argues strongly against it, I get the feeling that I need to do it NOW.

The best description of how it feels is Season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The title character dies, goes to what she believes is heaven, and is resurrected by her friends. She doesn't cope well because life is now hard and loud, sharp and abrasive compared to the peace of the afterlife. (I do not believe in an afterlife.)

Tonight I was feeling just...irritable. But I realized suddenly that I'm stuck, for maybe a long time. My disabled, elderly mom and autistic brother live in a house I own. They pay me rent, but it doesn't cover the mortgage and I pay their utilities. It hit me tonight that if I died, they wouldn't be able to afford the house on their combined income.

I started feeling (as I have before) that relationships are traps, and ties...well, tie you.

TL;DR I have a pretty great life many people would envy, but I don't want it--I just don't want to be alive.




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suicidewatch,Miawordenn,2018/01/14,Lonely Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try your still not good enough for anyone not your friends or family and it hurts that no one cares that you want to die they just listen to your problems and then say ‘hope you feel better soon’ no one understands how even just little things they say can change my mind to thinking everyone hates me and I wish I was good enough to have friends that love me and care about how I feel. I just wish I was enough and I could make my parents proud but all I do is seem to fuck up every single day and it’s no reason no one cares about me cus I just mess up constantly and it’s annoying I can’t do anything right no one would even care if I was dead ,1.0067117117117128,3.0512828243243284,1.9715135135135144,98.50141441441444,82.24324324324324,5.298018018018019,16.623423423423425,6.42735559955562,-0.5454284684684687,550,10,129,5,15,172,84,148,0.274,0.5770000000000001,0.149,-0.965,1,5,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,7,2,2,14,20,3,0,0,0,12,2,0,5,2,38,31,14,2,8,9,1,4,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,7,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,7,0,4,3,7,24,13,10,26,5,10,0,2,0,2,16,4,1,4,7,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927391154417715,0.0,0.0932973474749206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002703106891972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623704146832476,0.0,0.11993492340148168,0.0,0.0,0.12251728709584675,0.0,0.0905201131202398,0.0,0.0,0.07311701190462783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766457180886525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514377206783609,0.0,0.14976524547243014,0.10255349974421883,0.09552269524949593,0.10833395423256266,0.0,0.0,0.10687915266350087,0.0,0.1719762816448516,0.08099458671180561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751853283201004,0.1048126670536402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901858834581628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156105885047803,0.11193359973605498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260621140995895,0.0,0.0,0.12136947927506472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538893169870523,0.11363078278572925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023246868725619,0.0,0.07567819210832251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447567293441148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073013032579687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588868746725207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848384553364394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656761125111137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968209898645441,0.0,0.18031950790349355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321165898072124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905408223433778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532081383770306,0.07264564142156724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697367353435661,0.0,0.0,0.11802659240156513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687106995875265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26074958416495003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053781419321282,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Artists-With-Anxiety,2018/01/14,"Why do I feel like this I've commented on many subreddits like this but never felt like it helped. I don't know if I'm suicidal or not. I think about doing it alot and the effects of it but never actually do it. All these feelings started showing up in 6th grade.... I was abandoned by a childhood friend and left alone until I moved. While I was still there, I slowly became more isolated and more depressed, I guess. I attempted cutting three times(never did it)... Tied belts around my neck until I ran out of oxygen. Things like that. I've lived in this new location for about 6 months, got new friends, and started high school. While that overly depressed me has slightly faded, I still feel sad. Like I won't amount to anything, or everyone hates you and are only being nice to not hurt you... Things like that. I even cried on the first day BC I thought everything would be just the same.  Sometimes embarrassing memories pop up in my mind and I just yell out ""WHY"" and pinch myself. Idk why I do it. 

I've done a lot of stuff... I don't know if I need help.. My parents just seem to forget about me and my emotions to worry about more important stuff.

Maybe I should go back to my attempts and see if they'll notice... Most likely won't.",2.0408571428571416,4.363498310204086,2.9699591836734704,91.22432653061226,80.18367346938777,6.042448979591838,22.453061224489797,7.24861992348623,0.7753559183673477,966,31,199,13,25,306,145,245,0.183,0.6890000000000001,0.127,-0.9539,1,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,2,1,4,13,18,2,1,6,0,19,1,1,1,3,48,38,20,1,6,12,1,4,7,2,5,0,1,0,0,17,12,0,1,10,1,0,3,8,8,0,2,8,6,30,10,27,23,9,34,0,5,1,0,9,13,0,10,25,137,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.1067879382369516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333652402306273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005160281440977,0.09741594037589824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414494972653308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020376575787743,0.07057332596494185,0.0,0.1885038744487416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119849291156534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123094071502377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227751252151739,0.0,0.0,0.104565097314129,0.09834866816322313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659933559455617,0.0781768458599471,0.1050700039167501,0.0,0.0,0.0930811401922166,0.0,0.0,0.16909076229669176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219161626799447,0.0,0.0875212034398345,0.0,0.12054953158360995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803951385357352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669730466680606,0.11561885044229235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714712622894073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027978154245032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889606384747968,0.0,0.0,0.3742339465000277,0.0,0.09662873439699148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303351082123308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094488968784756,0.10993718838479016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049315023423366,0.0,0.08734601772429333,0.11630681949331315,0.0,0.0811409916254157,0.16879839337376232,0.2113764383112906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245868312857914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322648016607752,0.0,0.0,0.12150911456165167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074904751423273,0.08720157773841637,0.09962100286770376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082291124118996,0.0,0.15491029786511035,0.0,0.17478195024456852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505424407412209,0.1196987077804057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454009185672555,0.07011835410702898,0.0,0.08687523210510127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29623078399291064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113152234049743,0.0,0.07773596411427995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSirCrammington,2018/01/14,"Positivity I’m feeling low. I know others are as well. I thought I’d just let you guys know I hope all is well. 
Let’s get through this together. 
I just wanna send a little positivity out. Love you guys let’s be strong. 
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suicidewatch,Agate_Axolotl,2018/01/14,"Not sure if hope tl;dr boyfriend of 15+ years packed up and left tonight. It is entirely my fault - I have lied to him continually throughout our relationship, have hurt/abused him emotionally, physically, and mentally, and have made zero efforts to change/help myself despite his help, support, and general amazingness.


He still made sandwiches for me before he left, because he knows I'm a shit who sometimes will skip eating if there's no food available.


I'm not sure how many migraine pills are needed for a LD, but I'm giving it the old college try.",11.822352941176467,8.63355603921569,10.666764705882354,64.00544117647061,57.235294117647065,13.729411764705885,45.107843137254896,11.698219412168324,5.170560784313723,444,20,77,9,4,141,79,102,0.155,0.8140000000000001,0.031,-0.7588,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,3,0,6,6,1,3,2,18,16,8,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,8,4,6,13,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,3,1,3,5,40,11,1,0.0,0.2063711038230538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617660046362222,0.0,0.1482116836770215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782264165509202,0.0,0.1959255299489416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061535695192785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708632040769053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23349416270116874,0.0,0.0,0.17299692792773458,0.0,0.0,0.18645993676435949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572305007553686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784873476658186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296207228213461,0.0,0.17658800332068506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552931343269182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914993866690982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827693204780461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187000769509267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879004928871645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226537351797255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909786965863485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976538427052467,0.32831926857988764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825465830012255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216419066988806
suicidewatch,FehMac,2018/01/14,"""Sunday night I'm killing myself"" A girl I've been talking to for half a year now sent me this tonight.

""I’ve been planning this since before we even met so this is a thing that’s happening please don’t try to talk me out of it because I’ve heard it all""

It's been brought up before once, but as a thing in the past that she's not planning to do anymore and it struck me as a surprise. I have no idea what to reply. I want to save her, if it's possible. Could I get any advice, please?

She lives in another country than I do, I don't have any contact with her family/friends, and apparently I'm the only one she told about this. ",5.219506302521012,3.817844375000004,6.0430252100840365,86.34147058823532,68.48529411764707,9.242016806722688,31.193277310924373,7.957251820313856,1.8216189075630247,489,16,116,5,7,162,87,136,0.063,0.835,0.102,0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,1,13,21,7,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,14,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,8,1,15,2,16,12,1,12,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,1,6,75,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443061235390067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427756913044444,0.18717547301048512,0.0,0.0,0.17702655073643175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881348919824572,0.0,0.30378502175474914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251975018224056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789924158822206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791061658644754,0.0,0.09326020768518968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784920314841872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015076358393182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974866088297295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762100968324624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751253802461796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900993752405351,0.12095793813477347,0.13575922232681378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040086867839874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39188436263684995,0.0,0.2012347889396652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765914244581682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28694715390233705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371783066027183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705668227896511,0.0,0.12119150478914895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528542062559136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494978080475893
suicidewatch,EIrvine88,2018/01/14,"I think I might be finally seeing the light, but I need some guidance on how to move forward from here. I wanted to commit suicide for the past two years now. I don’t know what exactly clicked in my head that made me not do it, but I think it was just the notion that ultimately, I had to push through whatever road block I was in. I had to take personal responsibility for the mistakes I made.

The little baby steps I’m taking are helping. I’m going to get a prescription for vyvanse for my binge eating disorder. I’ve placed a bet on DietBets for 25 bucks, but I’m most likely going to raise it to 130 because I know I can stop my disorder from causing more weight gain. 

I’m also getting a tutor and entering my application into summer internships. 

I also made it my life’s mission to disappear completely and start a new life. I’m currently selling my TV, pieces of furniture, and 2 bookshelves. 

I’m considering changing my name, but I’m not sure if the time is right.


Although unfortunately, I cannot take a break from school (I have a full ride, and the department has told me that they do not know if they could disburse my money for next quarter. I would be the first student that would take a quarter off with the scholarship). I’m a 3rd year finance/IST major looking to get into data science, but switching to computer science could take more than 2 years. I’m not even sure if I will actually be competent and enjoy programming in the first place. I want to get into Business Analytics and research market behavior. I don’t even have research experience, pushing me further down my suicidal thoughts. I know I have to keep going though. 

Now my question is, how do I prevent further setbacks? Has anyone here been on the path of recovery, only to fall again? If so, what triggered it and how did you prevent it from entering your life? ",5.626770706825354,6.359738667597764,6.664233665290261,75.00669540927862,67.35195530726257,9.689774107359726,34.55963079912558,9.761364909221204,3.4278395433568134,1465,68,267,31,23,491,188,358,0.114,0.825,0.061,-0.9711,1,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,2,2,4,17,5,0,0,19,0,30,6,1,8,4,63,69,24,2,12,14,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,12,11,2,5,8,1,5,14,7,1,0,5,11,5,39,4,39,49,7,51,0,0,3,0,9,20,0,9,19,186,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.09520639984309252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604052892592074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682175911221008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947286550664215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100223007982988,0.10320761782144856,0.0,0.10229185925821613,0.0,0.0,0.1557905733394179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362891792102815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983024183275918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887750939659204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543431791825936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687435879882064,0.0,0.16597230730922855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388839029608907,0.0,0.16634013119049101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012671797002212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539372552086174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671755308175537,0.0,0.0,0.21447000782355846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673269358640772,0.047663845793790405,0.09778271474142368,0.0,0.0,0.08192747510660045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769464575663149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349782236811032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369292397600707,0.0,0.07234095741424508,0.0,0.09422594927631027,0.10375825167410836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420026717477131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313393054294948,0.0,0.0851873406583804,0.20386296717223296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929172372247853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331738108994166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873791248301456,0.07774425102852497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690548577014051,0.0,0.0,0.08156616740810688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343389940455715,0.0,0.18390198610833014,0.0,0.3667722623275265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502752965677852,0.0958541307183729,0.07745329876026875,0.05688916366660941,0.0,0.0,0.09322463406336322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530385897814916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508914394369026,0.0,0.0,0.11880418439043768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386104349206639,0.0,0.0,0.1884801113591063
suicidewatch,cosmomorte,2018/01/14,"Thank you Going through this sub has gotten me through a few close calls. I just wanted to say thanks. Everyon's stories helps me feel less alone in times of crisis with my disorders. Sometimes I actually shed tears about that very thing. Not being alone with insanity while the others are on the other side either trying to get in or walking away. We survive another day to fight the good fight. 

Don't let the bastard win. ",4.242910714285717,6.5261776125,4.502142857142862,83.14000000000003,72.875,7.071428571428572,26.42857142857143,7.957251820313856,1.6973571428571428,339,12,61,5,7,106,68,80,0.187,0.634,0.179,0.0608,0,2,0,0,2,0,7.0,1,1,0,2,2,7,3,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,12,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,2,7,4,13,9,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,3,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2117798153163983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44953369308335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756396339945875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038970495471024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160126660645704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399596825809643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487232529261396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737151932449946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973162589423092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338377911891045,0.0,0.12333723475622525,0.18202573646544196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546365723820753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191723527514176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258268925327402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146379246276954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996049636932687,0.0,0.0,0.1441781730661451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654586870919274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473420567160438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906389066526093,0.12800377752696565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Denis517,2018/01/14,"I keep feeling like shit. This might be a long post, but I don't feel like I have anyone to really turn to. Growing up I always felt alone (might be asperger's syndrome, but I don't know anything beyond school calling my mom.) The only good thing about going through life was that for a long time people told me that I was smart; I was going places.  I let that carry me through my mom needing to be away working, and my dad being emotionally abusive most of my life. I went though an angry borderline homicidal phase in middle school because of bullying, but I worked past that. I worked past the girls who didn't like me back, the people I couldn't fully connect to, the issues with math, and I learned that I loved reading and video games more than anything. I dove deep into them, and promised myself to work off the weight I gained when I was 20-21, when women were ""worth"" the effort. All of that work crashed my freshman year.

I got into biology, and I found out that I loved it. My teacher was a natural, and is still the best teacher I have ever had. He taught me a lot more than science. During the beginning of the year, he had enough of me being rude and inappropriate during class. He tried to teach me that always being 100% yourself isn't a good thing. Sometimes you need to hold back if you want to keep being welcome somewhere. I still remember ""What do you think is going to happen when people at work hear you call someone a faggot? Do you know what they call people like you? They call you a liability. You're a smart kid, with a potentially bright future, you just need to learn how to be at work."" I never had anyone question whether I was going to be successful before. From this point I felt torn down, and I worked the rest of high school building myself up again.

By the end of high school I had a plan. Learn programming, video game development, get fit, get a girlfriend, and start to build up my life. From there I would get a job at a video game studio. After that I would work and either be the head designer for my own game or make my own studio with the experience I had. I have so many ideas that I wanted to make. The issues came when I started college. My first and biggest problem was that while I loved self teaching myself video editing, picture editing, and audio editing I didn't find that love from learning programming at all. I didn't want to play with code to make it work, or customize it the way I did with anything else. So I was stuck as to how I was going to get into video game development. My second issue is math. I learned math growing up by keeping track of everything in my head, and I learned that my bad memory couldn't work past basic algebra. I kept forgetting things which screwed up everything. I love math, but no matter how much I tried I couldnt keep everything inside my head.So if I want to go back to school, I would need to learn very slowly every day, which would be exhausting. My last issue is the politics in school. I can't have teachers trying to sell their opinions as facts without trying to argue with them about it. I find it unethical that teachers would give bad grades just because the opinion on the paper isn't as left as they wanted it to be. I know that I would be hell in english class, and it would cause major issues with my professors. 

Now I've been out of school, and working full time. I don't know where I'm going anymore. I hate seeing my classmates who are just as intelligent if not more going to college and making something of themselves while I'm stuck as a janitor unsure as to how to make the money I know I have the potential to make. The main issue is that I won't accept anything that doesn't make me happy, but every love I have is a huge shot in the dark. I would love to be a comedian or author, but I could spend my whole life and not get noticed.I don't have a good voice for comedy, and I have the stories I would write so well planned out and picturesque in my head that it feels redundant and boring to write out. I also don't want to spend 30 years trying to be successful only to end up an unknown failure. I've recently got really into politics, but my personality is too abrasive. I don't like to sugarcoat things and I have no issue with saying slurs or other derogatory terms because of my view on language. This would only be used against me, and I would go nowhere. I could be an officer, but I couldn't be in a corrupt system and stay quiet about it. These are the only options I see for myself and enjoying, and they're all bleak. 

When I'm at work it's a constant battle of trying to do my job well and suicidal thoughts. I feel like I have nowhere to go. Sometimes my mind is so busy with Yugioh decks and Dota that I can forget my future, but it always comes back. I always think that I'm alone, a loser, nobody who doesn't feel like they have to likes me, and that my rifle is just a few feet behind my computer.  Only thing that has stopped me is my mom. She's had it so much worse than me, and I don't want to hurt her. It feels so unfair. She just had a miscarriage in July, and the last thing she needs is to feel destroyed by me dying. I feel so trapped. I have all this passion and ambition and nothing to use it on. I don't know how I can last like this. Sometimes at work I have a visual image in my head of slitting my throat with the boxcutter I always carry around with me. All I want is to be happy, to have someone with my interests to come around to make me feel like I have one person I can dedicate my life to making happy. But I can't even enjoy the most basic things the people around me like. I hate drinking even though I turn 21 on tuesday, and I don't like the idea in general of leaving my normal mental headspace. I'm bad enough sober, I don't need drugs making my head harder to get out of, or my addictive personality latching on to something else to spend my money on. I've never even had sex without paying for it. I just wish it could all go away one day. My aunt died of an aneurysm when she was 23. I wish that was me. Everyone tells me she was so nice and was raising my baby cousin at the time. I don't know how to end this. ",4.9073372995719335,5.102642114924183,5.635852862221579,83.63980991075962,68.7924980047885,8.328723790176305,28.004570848146265,8.0442525454918,1.637930885873903,4842,147,1000,57,77,1580,427,1253,0.138,0.73,0.132,-0.9725,2,3,4,1,0,0,127.0,0,8,7,23,53,59,9,0,57,0,121,28,8,19,10,214,227,85,3,39,30,6,12,12,1,14,8,5,2,7,61,61,2,7,36,13,8,17,33,17,2,4,40,21,169,42,154,146,27,129,1,2,4,10,67,58,3,17,62,698,230,55,0.0,0.0379026438172686,0.0,0.03487356875049689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626350362793018,0.0,0.025582205738448167,0.13309024721144644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03172525373367065,0.044735978865988575,0.0,0.10529941272205112,0.08543302665436013,0.0,0.0,0.06011087974170407,0.0983926272582972,0.08013035965583536,0.058501996566607664,0.0,0.027220936225569974,0.0,0.033571287676383565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066051830742975,0.03658777217232946,0.0,0.03286230350019051,0.0,0.05511270475480127,0.0,0.03456957440017126,0.0,0.07662367963079376,0.0,0.0,0.041261507545100135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640065685144851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031337793795511104,0.03709797454913203,0.0,0.05344669229063488,0.035984183050799534,0.08500031756873767,0.06610796304749415,0.0,0.06338681975387858,0.028936576408456063,0.05390551812902944,0.030567594007999205,0.08625102171357023,0.031292131246907384,0.0,0.0,0.1455748899843549,0.11426748248002153,0.0614303874742749,0.0,0.058476136420235074,0.027210480134205142,0.0,0.03507512921277051,0.0,0.0,0.1002800000257329,0.03068750019663968,0.19998574459098284,0.0804944984162827,0.05117027923386959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028288446002640837,0.10216110795682656,0.0,0.0631665456471851,0.1969843847612733,0.0,0.03605479323690094,0.0,0.0,0.06759789204564776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03424570803977282,0.07222510803808856,0.0,0.2337230445397113,0.06348981684488544,0.1137359017861545,0.0,0.0,0.1230651783816856,0.07822779108162685,0.0,0.033872545124324485,0.03475697629698308,0.03271170493115423,0.11297659517465945,0.1875430160780278,0.0,0.0,0.056619875657267435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02719655660415087,0.2021041007162995,0.0,0.21353418399743485,0.03243260353932785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032238161851542164,0.06787217663327302,0.032300546203083216,0.11239808819337213,0.0,0.0,0.04703232022066391,0.1423200448211335,0.049344962041693766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031343180356484424,0.03069504495655808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335418910286197,0.12164829956542784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161355919952767,0.11088838546651576,0.08379669397564872,0.03342249865819464,0.0,0.030240670561625882,0.0,0.030637354747511617,0.0,0.0,0.030609887455785183,0.0,0.0,0.035835861119202284,0.0,0.031998424668438066,0.0,0.040986928773166564,0.0,0.031586036411331814,0.0,0.0362381708655559,0.0,0.0,0.02543954731627176,0.0,0.2266274699398356,0.05098340638764405,0.0,0.03337230450674278,0.0,0.032837036923892726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420965286356325,0.04925457223594362,0.0949160949407742,0.0,0.04528504457442021,0.034096836082594666,0.05109413974867863,0.026744878273535156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034991613805146635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02796046704839741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876806185439398,0.04099550301022237,0.06285956885167103,0.025396302327933752,0.0559604725474253,0.0,0.0,0.030567594007999205,0.0,0.13031371476673706,0.0695913625095919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525777662882186,0.0,0.026394908660447837,0.15094715091754735,0.02539198866498792,0.0,0.038954919066027834,0.0575252861070926,0.02965483522657275,0.0,0.035715433309206075,0.07357330841444601,0.06167398917049556,0.0,0.32604504719206256,0.0,0.03260030633315597,0.2499707452191212,0.0,0.0,0.06180108487947216
suicidewatch,HappySneeze,2018/01/14,"I'm a complete mess. I'm sitting in my tub, covered in my own snot and blood. I haven't slept in 3 days and I just want my brain to stop. ",-2.4613636363636355,-0.8567014545454548,0.5002272727272725,106.17034090909092,93.84848484848484,3.3000000000000003,17.340909090909093,3.1291,-1.2892363636363635,104,3,30,0,4,36,24,33,0.162,0.7929999999999999,0.045,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720419095398083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5372736304139015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304752805282129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42841484356715054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022447858326907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayforme1218,2018/01/14,"The urge to die is getting stronger. I'm afraid something will tip me over the edge. I don't want to die. I'm scared. I want help but I don't know how to get it. This is going to be a slur of words, I don't really think I can properly put my thoughts out. Sorry.

I have three chronic illnesses. POTS Dysautonomia and EDS Type III are the relevant ones. I stopped being able to go to school normally in 2012 because of them. Social butterfly me became a hermit.

I got my first suicidal thoughts back in 2014, but they were never as scary as they are now. They'd always recede for weeks, maybe months, before returning. The only time they got very severe was when my mom didn't believe me when I told her. She actually laughed from the disbelief. ""You're being ungrateful. People have it much worse than you, and they're not acting like you are."" It made me hate myself more, and since then being open has been much harder. I'm terrified of it.

I was prescribed anti-depressants for something other than depression, but the doctor who gave me them very clearly knew what he was doing. After he prescribed the medicine to me, he gave me a long talk about why I was worth something, and shouldn't be afraid of the future.

The antidepressants helped, but because they weren't prescribed for depression, I was never able to up the dosage, so the feelings still ebbed and flowed. I was able to keep living. I felt okay.

2017 - I got my life together. Or so I thought I did. I got a great, stable job, graduated high school, and became ""myself"" again. I saved and built a computer because that's something I've always wanted to do. I bought a switch. But the happiness feels hollow. I have great friends. My coworkers like me and compliment how bubbly and how great to work with I am. But I feel like I'm hollow. It's all a facade.

They don't see... this. They don't see the me who's unsocial at home for days at a time, doing absolutely nothing because she doesn't feel well and is physically incapable. The me that has no hope, because these days make me a burden of a person. The me who is unmotivated despite all her interests, because they all feel fruitless. 

My mom gets mad at me on the days I am not social. I don't blame her- I turn into a monotone person who wants to be left alone even when she's trying to talk to me, after all. I wish she would just let me be alone when I need it, but her anger hurts nonetheless. 

""You're a pain,"" she says. ""I'm tired too, but I'm not acting like you.""
I'm trying so hard to not be this way but I have no energy to put up my facade for you, like I do everyone else. I'm trying so, so hard though.

How will anyone truly like me if my own mother can't stand the person behind the facade? My longtime friends like me now, but what happens when I have no chance to recharge myself and become *this*?

*what the hell is the point when my health keeps me from leaving bed after working for only three days in a row*

I'm a terrible person when I'm not pretending

I'm broken when I run out of steam to push

and now, almost every day I wonder

what's the best way to die?

there was a communication error a few weeks ago, and I thought my boss was going to fire me

I had a mental breakdown and started testing if a part in the house would hold my weight if I hung myself

my friend unknowingly talked me out of it

I'm scared one day I'll do it for real

but I don't want to die

i feel like i'm lying to everyone who says my smile cheers them up

I feel like such a terrible human

I can't even stand being around myself anymore

i've failed myself and everyone else",1.8582411569278892,3.920116114911085,3.333603478600744,89.76217578659374,79.36935704514363,6.256486222395935,21.113171780340046,7.33818517376401,0.6216065897987098,2804,78,590,38,70,920,309,731,0.217,0.665,0.118,-0.9975,2,2,4,0,0,2,93.0,0,4,11,5,34,41,4,4,41,1,63,8,0,7,7,94,124,51,5,15,21,3,12,9,3,5,7,2,2,5,25,22,1,4,16,1,2,10,23,16,1,5,29,16,104,25,65,79,11,73,1,4,2,0,55,21,1,8,47,385,129,12,0.16875817421878125,0.0,0.05489454479274519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986464638645813,0.0,0.05632897813744975,0.1165217157921535,0.0,0.0,0.09361354659033154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578758738363135,0.03933321307892131,0.0,0.0,0.05007685128845124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325487305127243,0.0,0.20574683329405252,0.062126714922755163,0.04786692554444509,0.06337755754079899,0.059033764096883136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767012271138492,0.0,0.14535116817086122,0.0,0.2335257884793036,0.0,0.0,0.057577047403015585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398386665589854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430878831683864,0.0,0.047395346753231635,0.16125566743872194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910147483520066,0.12056087338137493,0.054011437355255,0.0,0.0,0.04784853892678068,0.0,0.0,0.1303821467786793,0.0,0.08816918079253533,0.0,0.0959091594421844,0.0,0.17996177103381852,0.1860564828448973,0.0,0.0,0.049744098709746366,0.05988207150046373,0.10078278441099936,0.055537919642774713,0.0,0.059794015902189135,0.0,0.0,0.0754100312728058,0.05943409217628232,0.05642606948063721,0.05587164832821105,0.0,0.06490809171409502,0.0602197052802612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558221493662265,0.10000001281025338,0.0,0.0,0.0309150263810362,0.0,0.0,0.0595635132469786,0.061118750022819815,0.05752222228494016,0.03973296307428606,0.2473401588559704,0.0,0.049672186542753766,0.04978189122452584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322768828258621,0.03754913057324511,0.0,0.056513422881022235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056689515755449615,0.0,0.0,0.13176502268466608,0.04490038820484498,0.0,0.08270445041013201,0.04171068261872171,0.08677113837930703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055115726660446215,0.05397600653201615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623660423101533,0.08556546401863899,0.05985686523491585,0.0,0.0,0.060916219104971824,0.0,0.03899855645584648,0.19647083789548786,0.0,0.0,0.05317700736639997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309905094023913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402791604238592,0.0360369359015233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946884906394291,0.11263758166301514,0.1138615212522238,0.08965227710526492,0.0,0.0,0.06354956725423316,0.0,0.046532835204209866,0.0,0.0,0.1146851375986939,0.0,0.17322438305606352,0.0,0.06297031986756826,0.039815968101869735,0.0,0.0449234986416464,0.04702979671257608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153135067843754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356414279910316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03604447462765949,0.05526801644596729,0.178633519811638,0.06560283233617256,0.0646542319780619,0.0,0.053751889146240635,0.0,0.11457572271706178,0.061186811140133225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282877834416807,0.1658965725462723,0.08930158909895615,0.0902450853481052,0.06850066416054705,0.050577955221550175,0.0,0.05075933452585985,0.0,0.06468785729391349,0.0,0.061003680399507,0.08190530715428478,0.0,0.05732633231436931,0.07992064337097532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qbroots,2018/01/14,"am i suicidal? i deserve to die, but i don't know if i _want_ to die. i deserve to jump down a few stories and rot on the pavement, but if given the opportunity, i'm not sure if i would; if i would, i would probably jump from a height that would kill me as painlessly as possible, even if i tell myself that i should make myself suffer. ",7.452206572769952,4.232433563380283,8.763943661971833,74.38234741784038,65.47887323943661,12.283568075117373,36.342723004694854,10.504223727775694,3.4175596244131463,257,9,58,5,3,91,43,71,0.305,0.615,0.08,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,18,12,10,4,11,8,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,13,2,8,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,5,0,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45933525499281197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616221382653422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448283768309805,0.0,0.12161707379997813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771507317401503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24947507595566354,0.0,0.0,0.23859173016212515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420590791105465,0.0,0.20856642514695325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342019899180515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305245899379186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6288019724254142,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,julkan2,2018/01/14,I hate my life I'm a sophomore at highschool. I keep starting conflicts with my school counselor and my grades are so shit at school. I have no money and can't hire a tutor to make up for those grades. are money probs and doing sht at school thinking that you're worthless in life and in the future enough reasons for suicide?,3.9824615384615383,5.533114630769234,3.8215384615384624,90.81846153846158,71.92307692307692,5.2,26.84615384615385,3.1291,0.5287538461538461,261,9,51,0,5,79,46,65,0.287,0.713,0.0,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,5,3,1,2,0,10,11,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,10,11,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,33,8,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388732210357032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282447609163452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548554179123926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265819359356655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431604902438825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376940134449132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7019068015945975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373054142855155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636320945854221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528760262320498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481323489727745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-dot-dot-dot-,2018/01/14,"A year ago, I tried to kill myself multiple times... Now, I am glad I failed. Even though things are still hard, many of the things that were making me miserable have been eliminated from my life. I hope in a years time, all of you come back here to say something similar. <3 <3
",2.738727272727271,4.815034509090912,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,76.63636363636364,7.309090909090909,20.090909090909093,8.238735603445708,0.6967454545454541,218,5,48,4,5,67,47,55,0.205,0.6990000000000001,0.096,-0.7717,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,4,8,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,8,2,6,6,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433219619003344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459599878258102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799828150163894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715102670279625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670193216497064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513566320532183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279985596016255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787515507181602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168926875791703,0.25657430052302066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012522383650112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194826440678338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210284923543287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362582907762775,0.0,0.2486409993224737,0.0,0.2951355022194005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181861545737684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32593888852795266
suicidewatch,EastAtlantaSanta88,2018/01/14,"At the edge of the abyss I’m just tired of this feeling of sadness all the time. I’m tired of the chemical imbalance in my brain. I’m tired of the fact that I have felt lonely ever since my first love and I broke up over a year and a half ago. I’m tired of being unable to control my own happiness anymore. I’m tired of the fact that I’ve tried to simply change my outlook and the end result is always failure. I’m tired of putting my failures and shortcoming on others instead of placing it on the culprit: myself. Im the problem and only one solution exists to fix it. I’m tired of feeling like a waste of time, energy, and resources. I’m tired of life and most of all I’m tired of feeling unloved.",2.303693693693696,3.730482432432435,3.969999999999999,88.56666666666668,76.02702702702703,6.5549549549549555,26.52252252252252,7.1686216300943375,1.226863063063063,552,21,117,6,12,185,77,148,0.28,0.611,0.11,-0.9831,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,12,0,3,12,1,2,5,21,17,7,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,1,4,8,3,23,15,4,15,0,3,0,1,1,7,0,1,8,69,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775374350277975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298561423215953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698936169020507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791855671022044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279046757351124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837943682901963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768914349056552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934292133335763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330534854469461,0.0626633624199146,0.08421981806086662,0.0,0.0,0.07461003521136042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337387438340744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474687229726583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195545027112536,0.042852946622690236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791658948864668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059437715901572034,0.06671094276333189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164313857898017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393107249956383,0.0,0.08817744869843645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725584636635031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229423385438632,0.9073357660189892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595524885957906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056485357801060676
suicidewatch,axb993,2018/01/14,"What do you do when your ""friends"" are just using you? As in, they're so obvious about it that they'll ignore every message asking to hang out but freak out if I'm a bit late to get their weed. Most of them just want weed, although one of them I think enjoys straight up psychologically fucking people, and she's great at it. She at one point got a group of 3 people to gang up on me because her girlfriend had suggested we go to a bar and I said ""as long as (X) is ok with that). Which is what I would have done to a hetero/non-trans couple, but apparently it was a HUGE misstep because she still doesn't talk to me the same. I should stress that she was watching the conversation unfold and we were literally just saying ""Val speak up would it be OK you can end this now"" -_- she must get off on it.

I don't know what to do. I know they're just using me and they know it too, but as they've even mentioned before, I have nowhere else to turn to. Even my parents have flat out told me they don't love me.

So. In a world where my ""friends"" leverage that ""friendship"" over me for whatever they please, how am I meant to escape that clearly toxic situation? It's not like I can just go to the friend shop and pick up the new manipulation-free model.

I guess my question would be, where do you find quality friends? People who see you as someone to help instead of an asset? I've never been suicidal when I had an SO because I knew I was brightening someone's life, now... I'm basically just an emotional plaything.

I've tried church (although I'm not religious and their dedication to converting me definitely showed), smoking outside concerts and raves (I don't smoke and am aware of the health risks but I'm desperate, until my ""friends"" find me and drown me out of the conversation this has been the most effective), and just meeting people from the internet and making sure no one knows.


I'm sure one of you must have been in this situation before. Where can I find a legitimate, non-sociopathic human being? I just want one friend that's all, even if it's just someone here I can talk to on Skype. Just something yknow?

Thanks in advance.",3.9330920903527975,5.1161626159250595,4.842825413613358,84.87527083175948,71.55269320843092,7.851597794062099,27.35733172168921,8.259297600419973,1.6423542947797842,1675,58,350,25,31,545,207,427,0.065,0.76,0.175,0.9943,3,0,2,0,0,0,62.0,2,7,8,2,29,20,1,2,18,2,42,5,0,6,8,72,73,31,2,10,18,1,0,1,7,7,2,4,0,1,22,18,1,1,12,4,1,4,8,5,0,5,15,6,53,15,50,48,5,41,1,0,2,2,50,26,1,6,12,244,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835098524127497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633610105631984,0.0,0.15202351752978285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752330978791043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884000613047146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141381067067036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462228792411886,0.10048225449496992,0.07911831271383543,0.0,0.0,0.1770013937830525,0.0,0.07526290069831111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24493319801226185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140886917413373,0.08258252483118554,0.09334064422245647,0.0,0.10153460255270633,0.0,0.07144395932648684,0.09848470754974648,0.09840513490204766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495174926413737,0.0,0.0,0.059874840929977274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963698734153008,0.0,0.100766153353524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309518252666341,0.043641269285135516,0.0,0.0,0.07905268749933017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062223042346624,0.0,0.05962729844252845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889545091128496,0.08627377748336673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026556596204311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918844688313497,0.0,0.0,0.24771583566597466,0.0,0.0,0.09805559031325016,0.08444406674960822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006808024355228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497161875260201,0.07103740729813933,0.0,0.0,0.07118304740212655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008173844164778,0.0,0.0,0.22706260111966775,0.06876924863718699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133765335425908,0.0,0.10232520500084724,0.0,0.0,0.09771060353363567,0.0,0.1683816310699476,0.0,0.0,0.14359732230844016,0.0,0.08224144810542865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057237933688909226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535696797880889,0.0,0.06064801597640295,0.09716348136164164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430184884856266,0.0,0.0,0.1053762288584916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036867090854392,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,agentpoopbutt,2018/01/14,"Body image issues push me towards suicide I hate my body. I hate myself because of my body. I am so uncomfortable in my skin and I feel like I am living inside of an ugly alien. I hate my face, my teeth, my hair, my pasty skin, my tiny boobs, my gangly limbs. My boyfriend had a crush on this girl early in our relationship with massive tits and a gorgeous curvy body. it makes me feel inadequate having the body of a child. im not enough for anyone. i want to kill myself because i canr stand living in this ugly body anymore. i have been hating my body for 2 years and i think i want to destroy it",1.5010975609756123,3.5413370975609766,3.277418699186992,89.82149390243902,80.46341463414635,5.400813008130082,20.006097560975608,6.42735559955562,0.12806829268292666,465,12,98,4,12,155,73,123,0.304,0.632,0.064,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,5,0,6,14,14,1,0,11,16,4,2,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,5,27,2,13,14,1,9,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,3,61,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258327941143887,0.0723266621959805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611040004701418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8042786289140239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068797069607792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460331094184636,0.0738965442564705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084967424360376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173141962857673,0.10796300630850024,0.0,0.0,0.114439466223122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050534866696164,0.0,0.18267632747952486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904605726653087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110543271725533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131450208771964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627926722374475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202151233310092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666110559886285
suicidewatch,iv-sae,2018/01/14,"I don’t want to die But I feel like I do. 

I love life so very much, I just don’t feel I deserve it, sometimes. Nothing good comes from me. 
I suppose I hold on in these times because I don’t want to hurt the people that believe in me. That, and the fact that I know I want to live, no matter what my brain tells me. 

I’ll probably delete this, eventually. I just had to get this off my chest. 
I don’t want to die, I swear. I just feel like I do, and I’m doing everything I can to remember that I want to keep going, even if I don’t feel I deserve it. 
",-0.03032991202346125,1.2530515241935518,2.509589442815251,97.14802052785929,82.14516129032258,5.799413489736072,20.14369501466276,6.574015621080383,-0.08987741935483884,415,11,109,4,11,144,64,124,0.147,0.708,0.145,-0.6377,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,10,4,2,0,1,23,26,5,2,6,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,4,25,4,12,25,1,7,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,70,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921969477163202,0.0,0.0,0.1833797919674148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816989497326256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020715697073366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33784759283910176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750438066440468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628218779539134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291943750835114,0.2325579036486133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503770450743628,0.0,0.09250278483807314,0.1365190939178626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424270443878187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467251703474132,0.0,0.0,0.08945108215588846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149653408167565,0.15903697227347646,0.0,0.143723986663781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690126610100512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965059478054305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617687448275494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284037200863785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754876004626553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438038682674648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160978197696492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226329881181016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490925662870578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429771295923149,0.4800134328631786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,473484484783,2018/01/14,"I can’t stop thinking about it My mental state has been awful the past few weeks. I have no interest in anything, so my mind is left to wander. I go from feeling numb to panicking and listing the people who would miss me if I died. I don’t want to hurt myself, and never have, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s a morbid fascination that’s bordering on an urge, and I’m scared.

I’m trying to fight this. I got out of the house today, got coffee and wrote down some notes in advance of a doctors appointment I have in a little over a week. I have a supportive wife, and I told her I was thinking about who would miss me. Still, I lie awake and wonder if physical pain would ease my mental pain, even if I know that’s fucked up. 

The only things that scare me more than my current feelings are an involuntary hold or getting the cops sicced on me. Even if my doctor thinks he can help me, I have so long before meds or therapy might do anything and I still need to work and keep my life in order. Right now, that all seems so hard. What the fuck do I do?",2.9948925339366497,3.9269835203619934,4.213164592760183,89.4578464366516,73.52488687782804,7.1539592760180994,23.31476244343892,7.413659706084162,0.7471649321266964,822,21,183,9,16,270,130,221,0.222,0.701,0.077,-0.9869,1,0,0,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,3,2,13,1,21,8,0,0,2,40,46,18,1,9,7,1,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,12,9,0,4,9,0,0,2,5,11,0,0,6,3,29,2,22,36,4,29,0,3,0,2,9,13,2,10,12,126,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921341491584527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933714321468658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211576909872336,0.0,0.0,0.2389766770561225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154211340360385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805450509780105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584850106046904,0.060991832668657715,0.0,0.06634603329085909,0.0,0.1867352876649257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457611152939557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824836242527414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470228825137756,0.12497258638884395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376387746878628,0.0,0.0,0.06415725196821617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268383535199506,0.0,0.08245691567530075,0.0,0.11700415049106208,0.0,0.10331122798929286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967182483759218,0.0,0.2352929285229118,0.1238426936281978,0.11787412297282558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656123211905632,0.09003708617219627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878603186618332,0.24843918537036935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144154111375948,0.08093281830318087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996953236709326,0.0,0.0,0.2337542144967231,0.0,0.0,0.10627571318050556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645743245516985,0.19519973753304595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247517059809438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335023660373046,0.0,0.07755686990200576,0.2992091175658528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065587164546896,0.11155007449187876,0.0,0.079258798199486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885627768406842,0.0,0.18728357557291844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659955214466548,0.08498811166881266,0.0,0.0,0.2487862435090253,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hessarial,2018/01/14,"no ones wants me, the girl i love is gone and i have nothing left. im going to do it I loved her with all my heart and she left, my family are morons that understand nothing about me and try to control me, i have nothing and no one left no one to even touch or hug me. i want to die so badly, all i need to do is think of a way to go painlessly 


all i want is affection so badly",1.454922480620155,1.7572606162790692,3.9953488372093036,91.94713178294576,76.55813953488372,7.593798449612403,22.472868217054266,7.793537801064563,0.6635100775193794,287,7,74,4,6,102,51,86,0.202,0.611,0.187,-0.3575,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,8,4,1,2,3,17,19,7,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,3,1,1,15,3,9,18,3,7,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,0,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255017991412013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712806411873331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849200800506058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086551168033006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396424734400295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358066093463026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809656680053868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649562709509543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977694402467019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756589318535982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132347718263051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395967939161466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31044689068586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785233910868922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368211853779932,0.0,0.0,0.15897964306626994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702222935657952,0.12121648976332018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,annoyedchicken,2018/01/14,"Fuck Existing There’s no point in fucking doing anything. I can never portray the yearning i have to kill myself. I can never feel sleep, honestly nothing even feels real anymore. Everything is shit. I know even if I’m recckmended a antidepressant my parents won’t let me take it cause I’m under 18   I can’t do this. ",1.6648387096774186,4.37506798387097,3.9905645161290337,80.25584677419356,86.90322580645163,6.325806451612903,27.10483870967742,7.6454224807358475,2.170961290322581,253,12,44,5,8,87,51,62,0.284,0.716,0.0,-0.9505,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,0,9,4,2,1,2,9,17,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,2,8,1,3,15,0,5,0,1,0,2,1,3,3,1,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213266270200582,0.0,0.0,0.17696322615782334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090984540328465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840696088626087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932680492357014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174658297452688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976101830548587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379147777803371,0.0,0.11818278363782908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198974785555508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317110115545711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634091082388084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387813681087489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032864756002788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447676173765165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073999621837334,0.0,0.0,0.2151997121350996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168663343798245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,safeena2,2018/01/14,Wish I was dead There's no hope for my life. I've lost everything that meant anything to me. I'm crying almost everyday at this point. I wish I could die. ,-0.8599999999999994,1.275728454545458,1.2870303030303027,97.59054545454543,97.78787878787878,5.064242424242424,15.690909090909093,6.742157984588678,-0.1942072727272728,121,3,28,2,5,40,28,33,0.3670000000000001,0.441,0.193,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,3,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26508866016507304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178500735657652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136520850956167,0.0,0.2907932606952481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747477427644559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379220793949575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629364296366084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698649068423653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28898385494454715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502552345251083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6088524232465096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,operator139,2018/01/14,"It's the little things in life that make me want to kill myself The sound of the birds in the morning. It reminds me how much I love the night and how opposite I am of most people.

The fact that the laws of physics are always actively working against you. If you drop something it breaks. Nothing lasts. When you get in your car your clothing gets caught on the door. It rips. Now you look like shit before work.

Nothing works the way you want. You have to just be content with less. I fucking hate people. I fucking hate myself. 

Most people are soo fucking annoying. They don't realize that nobody gives a shit about what they have to say. At my job, I'm paid to care. outside just fuck off. 

life sucks",1.3288108336859918,3.888506366906476,1.8606940330088868,96.28552264071101,86.05035971223022,4.421667371984765,21.12611087600508,5.900188976854957,0.04663825645366071,551,18,114,4,17,168,92,139,0.189,0.72,0.092,-0.956,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,8,2,3,7,14,11,0,10,0,7,9,2,3,1,15,26,5,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,11,0,0,2,3,19,3,16,23,4,16,0,0,1,5,13,7,7,3,5,73,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151439432450274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775190149184622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410884876403296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117234221061691,0.14459655351041215,0.13274750986673914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732448582587943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732162988265784,0.0,0.153097895179643,0.0,0.0,0.11279885297400435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954849575437354,0.06760588789607062,0.13869395431460074,0.0,0.0,0.11620505239185995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489410966322465,0.0,0.0923702843680617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172583873794776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986104293218398,0.0,0.2655602937431103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28780754931810865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004599712367423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28409188465121354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653233029696088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193408033669644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324120796239905,0.10984026865149188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30222869601482016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryanstyless,2018/01/14,"goodbye so i wanna die.
theres not much to say.
i dont feel.
i dont enjoy anything anymore.

well besides when im with this girl, but she dont like to talk on the phone or go outside with me, i have no friends besides her.
im alone 
tired of life
idk what to do",-2.4751666666666665,-0.7373901833333321,0.3833333333333345,104.18833333333336,100.83333333333334,2.666666666666667,18.33333333333333,3.1291,-1.0811666666666668,199,7,52,0,9,68,45,60,0.249,0.638,0.114,-0.8272,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,7,4,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,7,4,8,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043279474030853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192408857188106,0.0,0.0,0.15925399670157134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084765363536156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6804270599756133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785169293328473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951638204908513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998431057824247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180788721142363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366919252459019,0.09454619005562104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226261620394265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538982784296803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554748920967248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224276963148497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400157298384264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomguyyo,2018/01/14,"Just have to get something off my chest. I'm very depressed, spent 2 weeks at a psychiatric hospital before the holidays, tried multiple medications and therapy, feels like nothing is working. I feel so hopeless.

I had plans to end it all yesterday. I made all the preparations to make it easier for my family. Made sure I cleaned everything even remotely private from my computer and phone. 
I bought rope and tied a simple noose and headed to the nearest forest to do it...

I walked out of the forest with the rope in my backpack and a slight rope burn around my neck feeling so ashamed of what i had done. I haven't told anyone about this yet and I'm not sure if I should tell anyone. Not sure how I should go on with my life from here.

Everything feels so surreal. ",3.5796725571725574,5.715648141891893,4.397297297297296,83.81339916839919,74.33783783783784,8.607900207900206,27.600831600831604,9.265573868473778,2.507832016632017,607,24,117,15,13,195,95,148,0.077,0.813,0.11,0.2142,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,1,8,0,9,5,3,4,5,29,23,11,0,3,4,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,10,0,0,4,1,2,2,3,3,0,0,8,4,16,4,19,13,2,13,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,76,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285512098684871,0.0,0.0,0.14548932126922126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906877787884675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076392756842512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724789871708962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447524335146889,0.0,0.0,0.10794543684746774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937646739042172,0.0,0.15406934750122156,0.0,0.330544954600949,0.11675600727400315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538658708445031,0.0,0.09288229425853804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677286031050976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543700693949313,0.07984472512124907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092870275072224,0.10909227279253234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464076298548394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681761838283018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581810392259252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620987863714625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284695974893766,0.0,0.1868989814677648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616648546408313,0.0,0.1109597462243009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484869363839844,0.0,0.0,0.13109546504381311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898059921523205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enigmaishere,2018/01/14,"What's even the point? I'm absolutely miserable. No matter what I do, I am not happy. I'm in the best shape I've ever been, I live in a really nice place, and I have a decent range of hobbies. I'm making decent progress in my job search, my parents are seemingly proud of me, and I am doing well in school. By all metrics, I am doing well. But I am fucking miserable. 

I have only two friends, and I'm not even entirely sure how much they like me. On top of that, no matter how hard I try, I always fuck up my social interactions through my awkwardness. Nothing I do brings me a sense of accomplishment. I've made a huge recovery from where I was mentally two years ago, you would think that I would be happy about that, but I'm just...stagnating. I'm done with this. If this is my life at its best, then that means I'm going to die alone, friendless, and miserable. Who cares how in shape you are, or how many hobbies you have, if you don't have anyone to share it with? 

The only thing that keeps me from ending it is knowing my parents and sister would be destroyed. I love them too much to do that to them.

I just wish, for once, someone would contact me first, instead of the other way around. I'm always asking how people are doing, no one wants to know how I am doing. 

I'm sorry that this is all jumbled. I just don't know how to write when I'm emotional. ",3.19063829787234,4.035570652482271,4.638078014184399,86.92350000000002,72.97163120567376,7.625815602836879,24.738297872340425,7.908726449838941,1.1675199999999997,1052,30,229,14,20,352,143,282,0.14300000000000002,0.705,0.152,0.3635,3,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,4,3,7,20,21,3,4,8,0,33,4,0,9,4,46,61,19,1,8,9,3,1,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,18,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,7,2,4,4,2,35,14,28,51,6,26,0,3,0,3,19,16,2,4,8,166,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882323496437638,0.0,0.0,0.11546309592709199,0.0,0.0,0.18552610277924886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795172812170459,0.0,0.0,0.09924378893216614,0.10422185326831278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23398972871337476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366467276193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570208322683888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408614058287292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540372760190818,0.09874112982193367,0.0,0.0,0.14726736034264404,0.10084304374883396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482765341232824,0.0,0.0,0.08613173500660372,0.20612906230375694,0.0,0.0,0.06335853880211749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373521302519859,0.09986715544940733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062999104177453,0.09909149546352833,0.0,0.0,0.1838049482375988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874396451726172,0.0544651179767132,0.0,0.09844181233865076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061804717159037,0.1054882111264527,0.07441598050428735,0.11302658654011552,0.0,0.12143801584981773,0.0,0.0,0.11234896347402816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639061324557931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697125042484484,0.0,0.0,0.11872609533925994,0.07554398154574914,0.16957617406961564,0.0,0.0,0.2475780631457003,0.0,0.0,0.07728849570172115,0.0,0.11647633938473573,0.0,0.1053877701837923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141906825914154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282706971291814,0.0,0.10149022576452184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364320336296868,0.09445945363688392,0.0,0.0,0.12479644732314026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507170794479807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406456282796381,0.07143400873016212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568985502292583,0.0,0.2178060052198799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575574944005724,0.0884902687750232,0.0,0.0,0.20047378313443154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820031392891887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167782022214003,0.0,0.0,0.07179160172296432
suicidewatch,jm123777,2018/01/14,"Just feel alone. Just need a place to vent and release years of pent up depression. Sorry if this is the wrong place, and sorry for bad grammar I'm on mobile.

I'm currently 19 in my second year of college, and I feel completely alone and no one I feel cares if I live or die anymore.
The main beginning was probably around when I was 6 or 7, I was an outgoing kid with friends and everything was great. Than my family decoded to move. Lost all my friends and I closed up no more outgoing kid. I stayed inside all summer and during the school year never talked to anyone. My parents tried to help got me in baseball and stuff but never connected with anybody. Middle school came and went with no real improvement to anything. Than highschool started. Someone approached me told me to join wrestling thought I would be good fit. They asked me to lift with them and everyday they talked to me and became my friend. Joined the team and I finally had friends. Life looked good. I was starting to be happy... then senior year came. A week befor school the coach left and all my friends that were on the team split. The next day my mom takes me outside and told me she's leaving my dad. 
I remember that day so clearly still. We talked by the fire pit she told me why, how she was unhappy and had to go for awhile. I didn't get outside I just hurt. I went in and took a shower. Just alone now. Crying felt like the world was caving in. I didn't know where to go. I just cried in the shower. My dad came home and my mom told him she was leaving. He yelled and stormed off. Then she left shortly after. I was home alone. That was my first attempt. I remember how hard it was to tie the rope. Tears blocked my eyes and it was a mess. I just wanted my life to be over. I hung it up on my closet and attempted to hang myself. I failed my rope skills where shit.  And just cried. Senior year came and so did my start to cutting myself. Razor blades and I got a knife. Sharper then a razor and lasted longer. I never cut to deep. And it left little to no scars. But I know where I cut. I remember every single time I did it. How good it felt after the burning the warmth. Fuck I miss it. By the end of senior year I still didn't apply to college or have an idea. Parents pressured me to do something. So I went to a community college. I finally met someone. Online but only lived a few hours away. We met up and it clicked. It worked and I started to become happy again. She gave me strength to keep going. Make a new friend. Do stuff. She was my first of many things. Because growing up I was alone alot I never had a gf till then. I was in love. We skyped, we had a good time things worked well. We were happy. She than started college to. That's when it started to chamge. She got busy and I gave her space. Guys started to hit on her and she never got such attention in hs. It made me upset to see her with so many guys that liked her and we talked. She said we would work and didn't want to end things. Planned on meeting up still for a break. The next day she cheated on me. Slept in the guys room and did stuff.. it was over. Alone again. Months have passed and nothing has changed. I tried so hard to meet new people do new thingd. And it doesn't work. No matter what I do people leave shortly after. Friends leave. And I'm alone. Tonight I wanna kill myself again. I don't know who would care if I'm gone anymore. My dad maybe. Mom is across the country and last time we spoke was a quick text on new years. I'm at the end. I'm alone inside and just want the pain to stop.
I'm tired so fucking tired of being this way. 
Sorry, if it's not supposed to be here. Just sad.",0.18986904059192256,2.534764801597873,1.4763553749639655,98.2676765000618,90.0652463382157,4.268678188532129,18.26157563111727,5.849735803494787,-0.39679105247985497,2830,79,631,22,97,894,303,751,0.161,0.7070000000000001,0.132,-0.8826,5,8,1,0,0,3,97.0,8,0,3,15,35,42,8,2,35,0,49,11,3,5,9,118,120,63,2,12,20,8,8,2,8,3,5,3,6,5,29,56,0,3,14,3,0,17,17,20,1,4,59,15,101,22,81,52,8,136,0,6,4,3,72,46,3,8,72,402,130,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617346930570318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865946131217592,0.030526901494975563,0.0,0.03592706453651215,0.03886514695338523,0.04081462111241785,0.0,0.04101841406328132,0.0,0.03645286050851521,0.02661369709897321,0.04821716707577416,0.03715000140036049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973387780267635,0.08902510187958082,0.0,0.04618469709854245,0.0,0.04577490145795848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386979181754242,0.0844679835979461,0.0,0.03760283354789341,0.0,0.045310427139148055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600489750030893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03678400436682022,0.0,0.03923726882976406,0.0,0.04115716383449729,0.0,0.06622485136637836,0.0,0.08383763738993934,0.0956510767889982,0.0,0.07427146272365477,0.0,0.0,0.2361120833938355,0.08072279770852718,0.02280966208333833,0.0,0.07443606137344731,0.146474057277389,0.1396701369447691,0.048133434653232526,0.0,0.12968575571212002,0.0,0.13942523035241478,0.07821853063289863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02926324111608912,0.0,0.0875856778508214,0.0,0.04299463547118136,0.0,0.04673711774978664,0.049284911483605566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038805506868072735,0.04830144522727575,0.0,0.07198038689248705,0.0711746900534509,0.0,0.18491136210375952,0.1423046261971301,0.0,0.06167430295808904,0.04265848446083144,0.043757090388606056,0.07710216516449814,0.0,0.03666198001384712,0.0,0.047658196468171314,0.0,0.039403324193510864,0.041310543172445424,0.029142257153807482,0.08852533630137017,0.043860634776297695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339623513240067,0.03484764199317364,0.046401868255298725,0.0,0.03237207946971075,0.16835987874910738,0.1686618495033078,0.09286220389919997,0.0,0.0,0.04189132047740153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029583996901067118,0.03320410776292092,0.046455513948427576,0.0,0.09695476069710462,0.0,0.0,0.060534342261088274,0.0,0.09122727166078423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707103618982356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969270834886198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836904439061574,0.0,0.041529045070696186,0.0,0.0,0.1325536043684188,0.034790016092777966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044814622009965804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398307916766966,0.03361029562643465,0.0,0.14661569202449778,0.21631100759906172,0.04653394349553569,0.10459673470546918,0.036500297310898135,0.0,0.0,0.149934939906557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032825611514547826,0.14036356509910286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701391238643286,0.0,0.0,0.03465981695958225,0.07637252504007709,0.1003575968669235,0.0,0.16686952289849735,0.048505982510044315,0.059282245669945284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725239712778137,0.0346539298518373,0.03502005830669887,0.0,0.03925405874591442,0.12141505652841328,0.039394829044663696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271350620859646,0.0,0.0,0.0930408203382304,0.0477335021914591,0.0,0.19680161617190173
suicidewatch,robot_Sloth,2018/01/14,"Update: New friend is suicidal due to worry about becoming I don’t have the health to be supportive but I care. Any resource suggestions? About becoming homeless* 

Sorry, I’m worn out so my thumbs are stupid. 
[[link to original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/7q8xsp/friend_threatened_to_commit_suicide_i_dont_have/?st=JCED9HXT&sh=76044fd1) 
I read somewhere to get information from a crisis center, but she already has a counselor she sees sometimes. I also was thinking of finding information on a women’s shelter in case things turn out the way she fears. 

I’m really sick myself, I haven’t done  I have too much on my plate to help anyone much and I can’t even be consistently social for her. I’m often in too much pain to text or talk on the phone much at all, and I’m exhausted when I get home from work so that I’m behind in my medical appointments(I’m losing vision and motor function, so I’ve got to figure out how to manage that.) I know she feels isolated at the moment due to her life situations, but we just met and I can’t be anyone’s support system until I can take care of myself. Do you have any suggestions for resources? 

Edit: We live in a fairly nice city in the US so there might be decent resources around here, I just have no background in this whatsoever. My education was in STEM. ",4.126904005085824,7.115273247933885,4.569752066115704,78.87777495232041,76.85123966942149,7.3594405594405625,24.183725365543552,8.384062270229773,1.937527145581692,1074,36,180,22,26,339,145,242,0.174,0.716,0.11,-0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,3,1,0,2,18,11,1,1,9,0,21,6,0,2,1,29,41,16,1,0,6,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,4,10,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,6,2,28,6,35,30,5,27,0,1,1,0,21,17,0,3,8,126,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033608279240334,0.10169840128328568,0.0,0.13778945239871798,0.0,0.17296093911202925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784148783059056,0.0,0.0,0.1132089275435012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809001998824941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593181062798073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013982801273374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399507972205945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310244714736245,0.06430135127588431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623175984046258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825180449552816,0.0,0.13288293417140815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171006449773637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351765584224544,0.0,0.0,0.08523987178468087,0.0,0.12756262917974662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988971733498936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982446024522353,0.0,0.0,0.11229410041886448,0.0,0.0,0.14227153806890136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811114963578776,0.0,0.13490806707192393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739405291308721,0.0,0.0,0.12282230093375313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353186421472044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179442340611163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272051622770353,0.0,0.08146883760453631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133862135677547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294524907226372,0.0,0.12963456266389936,0.0,0.0,0.1257751215854155,0.14235724083799733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391041577371595,0.28862371572872525,0.0,0.0,0.09561657595116542,0.10221503015356387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448659424382819,0.08148588043129086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383252558968044,0.0,0.0,0.152970751802829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100942220504135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258181918874007,0.12914806767658174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Korinthe,2018/01/14,"Struggling to push these thoughts away. My last attempt was around 4 years ago. I've handled the daily suicidal thoughts pretty well since then, I usually have the resilience to push them away as nonsense. I have Asperger's and don't make friends easily, and the ones I did have I ended up pushing away and removing 2 days ago. Most of them weren't even guilty but I had to remove the entire group due to negativity... Since then I'm back to self harming and I just don't have the strength to cope with these thoughts. 

I think I'm safe? Usually when I'm about to make an attempt I get this serene almost bliss like feeling wash over me as if I've just found the answer, and I haven't had that yet... That's usually when things go bad. 

I don't even know why I'm typing this out, I think I just need to tell someone, or know that someone has read it or something. I don't know. I tried to fill the void with my wife and kids but it isn't working... It just makes me feel worse because those things are supposed to matter right? Like it makes me an even shittier person because they don't. 

On second thought, maybe I'm not as safe as I thought, I've already started rationalising... Gonna get off the computer so I am not on my own I think that's the way for me to stay safe right now...

",2.77752380952381,4.197977422641511,3.5804851752021563,91.86817610062893,74.77358490566039,6.707996406109612,25.826594788858944,7.2636822038024595,0.9747160826594792,1007,35,225,11,21,320,139,265,0.115,0.755,0.13,0.4564,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,4,19,11,0,1,11,0,19,1,0,4,0,47,48,20,1,2,11,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,15,10,0,3,15,1,0,7,11,3,1,2,11,2,27,8,30,36,2,39,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,5,20,136,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261626673007492,0.0,0.10314509819701276,0.0,0.11366909654790602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169670592888833,0.0,0.0,0.29033108686361,0.07920484759169838,0.08600526415930503,0.12558235580542385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643000614129403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123227198184336,0.0,0.0,0.20410242262354214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416532029259357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294018021344558,0.07958176991251127,0.0,0.10763221242424813,0.0,0.058540381852942434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698273359790574,0.08396320527539637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064653839257387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27502780190609494,0.0,0.1034828385895561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637725016197616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979917166637674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899404025141834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479359321187877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303334384535838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593221560250166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745716893203146,0.0,0.0,0.1704143769415427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455239941040718,0.0792986425070428,0.0,0.0,0.07290780119702017,0.10979012474954702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076836811910693,0.0,0.11267126473403498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003132014545406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686451334560584,0.19800523626708175,0.0,0.4088741832243456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993395206405621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34033791514017003,0.0,0.0,0.0817609468636647,0.0,0.0,0.09261428718271966,0.0,0.09294641438922208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498920829586772,0.0,0.10497137301890903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633214493507596
suicidewatch,Andromeda_99,2018/01/14,"I don't understand if I am really unreplaceable or if I do matter to others I just got back from the birthday party of a girl I've had a close relationship for over a year, but I feel like I'm not good enough for her. I was with her at first but as more people arrived eventually she talked with other people, some of my friends came too but they were talking with others (there weren't more than 12 people there) so for the majority of the time I just sat there alone. For some time I have been thinking about no matter my effort to aproach the same people as those who went to the party I am eventually left out, they say they care for me and that I am a close person to them but I just don't feel like it is that way, for some time I have been feeling as if I can just be replaced after any given time and that there is no one person who would remember me if I was gone after a week or two.

I know this might sound like a dumb excuse or just me being overdramatic but I just don't believe I am worth anything to anyone not even myself.
",5.244589041095892,4.486461095890412,6.183207762557077,83.2372773972603,68.17808219178083,8.943835616438355,26.46917808219178,8.07648339933343,1.3350301369863011,816,18,181,9,12,272,115,219,0.08,0.7879999999999999,0.132,0.8534,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,2,15,7,1,0,11,0,24,0,0,0,0,44,38,18,0,5,20,0,3,3,1,2,0,2,0,3,11,9,0,0,7,0,1,3,8,1,0,3,13,5,30,6,28,21,8,20,0,0,0,0,18,6,1,11,13,146,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489048260799564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777014848692203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052899089007483,0.0,0.11831241844484658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055208559234136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198223856948388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443730118965233,0.1465855232197966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855530120109925,0.0,0.09496030096457143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180869054398782,0.20542203383414487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229271288420362,0.0,0.0,0.1110781840565033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058945101335065,0.11498790605105468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901354001234934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620911141758456,0.0,0.0,0.21071976776548168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251977489740967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742388546865392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986946623261602,0.2510729931131083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210426805665374,0.0,0.0,0.15435773068556513,0.16286607965947955,0.0,0.0,0.11433356708550466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311175859015468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212353575618154,0.0,0.0,0.3353393235916674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404447242039802,0.14967211786580545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411982309944013,0.11532553092764646,0.0,0.0,0.13327843654742502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213177363935347,0.0,0.0,0.0925846988834395
suicidewatch,the_lastgoldenticket,2018/01/14,"Empty hands on the end of these reaching arms need the touch of something real. At the end of this long rope, I hang in wait of fading echos. Uncertainty haunts my everything.


I look into tomorrow and I see nothing.",2.1992682926829303,4.970861121951219,3.4372682926829263,85.02419512195122,84.12195121951221,6.206829268292682,22.83414634146341,7.554174236665415,1.3375034146341465,170,6,31,3,5,55,33,41,0.14800000000000002,0.81,0.043,-0.5267,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,8,4,0,10,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,5,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5769208648790126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927048713874023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882211670013822,0.2734935551023968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414914605508089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125037480510082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707010768066448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595289501464382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507283904318393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phumviphurit,2018/01/14,"don't feel too good i kind of figured in the future i'd end up killing myself. this is the oddest and most foreign feeling. instead of really feeling sad or depressed exclusively, i feel also a sense of philosophical rationality that comes from wanting to kill yourself. after all, why suffer for your entire life instead of just suffering a lot for a little now and never suffering again?

my entire life has revolved around me being a failure. there haven't been many times where my life has ever genuinely been good. my coping mechanism with that is emanating a sense of fake happiness and joy through morbid jokes. i'm sure if someone were in my shoes, they probably wouldn't see a bright future ahead either.

i'm depressed and suffering mental illness in my final year of high school and it's likely that i won't be getting in to any colleges or universities. i don't want to do any of it over again. my entire experience in school has been fucking horrible. no matter how hard i try, i always fucking fail. school has been the worst fucking thing that ever happened to me, and i don't want to go near another institution again. i literally don't even know what i want to do with my life and i don't even want to do anything with it. my life has been fucking garbage and i don't want anymore of this. i hope this doesn't sound like anything menial, but i fear for my life. i fear because i don't want to end up in my mid-late 20's jobless (or with a fucking horrible 9-5), broke, worthless, and actually helpless with literally no one, not even my parents around me to help. so i figured if i killed myself sooner, it wouldn't be as bad. i wouldn't have such compounded depression turning even deeper, the utter sense of failure, guilt and regret that comes with living. i've been a relatively high achiever in my life and feeling this low really fucking hurts and makes me question the value of my existence.

i literally cannot connect with anyone. i cannot talk to anyone. i don't want to talk to anyone. it's the same pseudo bullshit from all the hotlines and web services. it's fucking horrible and making me lose faith in humanity and makes me hate my existence even more.

i've been depressed for several years. i haven't gone out of it. i did acid once this summer and that kind of changed my life for the better. but now that the reality of life is hitting me, and a shitty forseeable future is showing once again. ever since i was born, my life has actually been shit. abused as a young kid up til now. immense levels of neglect throughout entire areas of life. 

i want to contribute something and do some great things, but over the past few weeks, i realized that me thinking that i could ever do such a thing was a delusion. everyone around me has been telling me i'm delusional for thinking i can make it anywhere. i realized they were right. i'm sure i wouldn't believe in myself either if i were in their shoes. i really have no potential. i'm just a stupid fucking dreamer. i just wanna help and have an impact. i guess i don't deserve that much.

i'm always known for doing things really extreme and in an insane fashion. i want to go out with a bang and make my chances of living really low. i want it to be quick. this has never been temporary, it's been looming for a long time since i was young. i've tried several support groups, counsellors, and a lot of other stuff. i'm just about done here. unfortunately, i'm really good at lying nooses now and have a proper rope, a long drop system in place, some potassium cyanide pills and a 12 gauge shotgun.

i'm here looking for some help and guidance. i can't really neglect this any longer. i really thought it would fade away.

but i'm also very curious.. why would humans ever feel like killing themselves?.. why don't dogs or animals do that? i mean, humans have a much better quality of life compared to dogs. humans have all the resources they can get. yet they still decide the cost of being alive exceeds the benefit and value extracted from enhanced quality of life.


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suicidewatch,youknowyouwantit1470,2018/01/14,"I need help When I was in highschool and middle school I was never bullied. I had friends and honestly most people got along. Now I'm working a job and I am getting bullied all the time. It's not physical but it's bad. I'm to the point where I have to hide when I'm working bc this person uses every opportunity to bully me. I have brought it up to our administrator but in the mean time I feel completely helpless. 

When I was sixteen I had been cutting myself for years. My home life was really rough and when it got too bad I attempted suicide. I have been recovering and I have been doing really well but recently with what's  been going on those thoughts are more prominent and it's calling out like a siren. I am trying to fight it but I feel so much like I've lost control of my life and cutting has always been a way I can grasp control.

Currently I'm sitting in a dark room hiding behind a bunch of couches crying and trying to find some kind of silver lining when there doesn't seem to be one. I'm falling apart and the pieces are breaking off faster than I can grab them. I don't know what to do anymore.",2.402304347826089,4.19990396956522,4.081086956521741,86.2859782608696,76.69565217391305,6.686956521739131,25.41304347826087,7.554174236665415,1.2885391304347815,883,32,181,12,20,296,132,230,0.193,0.705,0.102,-0.9756,2,0,0,0,1,2,13.0,1,0,1,7,11,14,3,0,9,0,27,2,0,3,2,33,46,19,1,1,5,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,10,12,0,2,8,0,0,3,4,7,1,1,16,4,24,7,23,29,7,31,0,2,0,0,7,12,0,3,15,127,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160495722076604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493729645612846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24405116483482395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923113331113022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323102035304553,0.0,0.3278297328276663,0.0,0.0,0.1605342250594799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313408313888972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779134743259534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357455217061884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291183066882088,0.0,0.07635511347082183,0.0,0.08305798790771039,0.0,0.2337721864519233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795840410871992,0.0,0.1465960860420502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502708919591945,0.0,0.0,0.1521882912507406,0.08031787273259948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064541063078089,0.14279884592763611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595353313804708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919554716204104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743392938741401,0.10836520910153116,0.11271659877164185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903213085964396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013190496934904,0.12760881681987474,0.0,0.0,0.13815495601760058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724939747661828,0.0,0.1443012800356124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790728399128994,0.0,0.1330455863356926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598597113243042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116023387245178,0.1704375041939771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198446718692964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622298973543056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600368021145528,0.0,0.0,0.13140256522800428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127916682024135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411306037856176
suicidewatch,Murdakilla,2018/01/14,"My mom died, i never really had a reason to live beyond that. My mom died Christmas Night 2017 due to Stage 4 breast cancer. Shea was 55 and didn't deserve it but she did everything within her power to make my life and my sisters life the best it could it be. I know she wouldn't want it but I really have no other reason to live. I realise I could do anything but in the end but what's the point? I'm going to die regardless. I'd rather make it sooner than later. It's just really tough. Facing the death of the only person who meant anything to you. My dad and sister we're never really there and I hardly have any friends to hang out with.

I just sit at home in my cold ass camper and wish I had someone to talk to.

I'm not crying out to /r)suicidewatch for help. I just really needed to type this message to feel better.

Didn't really work but was better than nothing.

Goodbye.",1.1962812769628997,3.3614832786885245,3.1903595053206786,89.3441932700604,82.33333333333333,5.819844693701468,17.281852171412133,7.0608816371341465,0.12403387978142087,692,14,143,9,19,233,109,183,0.14400000000000002,0.72,0.136,0.0504,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,5,6,5,0,0,6,0,14,6,3,4,2,34,25,10,4,8,10,5,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,11,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,8,3,19,4,24,13,1,18,0,0,0,2,15,8,1,0,6,94,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240860348208376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994465862948323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271740943560706,0.21435305198851945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350954814344526,0.0,0.13311384801002135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37730650136805466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733217932126986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891147696851057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127377184537953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362569421326723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887109819895854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855617569224817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122641829803616,0.0,0.12155644136965385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659901400747524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711902899080871,0.0,0.0,0.21401363897085576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178120259021106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28385615730395625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985566765324213,0.18692761860015425,0.0,0.0,0.1137220472953958,0.0,0.11627836802683104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216514109509316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058123315486511,0.0,0.0,0.11455711584457595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657976420872641,0.24919263800963745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267797253917074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740231445411296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147688002995649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393544828631812,0.0,0.0,0.08822267578268747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poophorsethrowaway,2018/01/14,"Tell parents? [29 M] Given my age maybe the question is a little surprising. 

I live on my own and while I'm not an utter fuckup, I'm a major disappointment given the expectations that were put on me. I'm a disappointment to myself, too. Trying to explain what happened would just sound like a bunch of excuses, but basically I've spent years alone accomplishing nothing, despite having many things I'm interested in and want to do.

Recently I felt the time pressure of age and tried to see what it would take to actually do those things I wanted to do. The more I've looked into it, the more despondent I get, as I see how many ships have sailed. I'm just not that interested in living a life full of regrets. I'm being sort of lazy with the descriptions because I don't really ""just need to talk."" I put myself into a corner where I'll never be who I thought I would be. Nobody can turn back time for me.

The question is just, should I tell my parents about it in advance? Would that be really inappropriate? I don't want it to sound like I'm trying to manipulate them into bailing me out or something, but if they have time to process it, maybe that would help.",4.987662337662337,5.6446246493506536,6.251497835497832,77.67153246753247,68.74025974025976,9.103722943722943,28.81991341991342,9.21078282632365,2.3164167965367968,918,31,180,17,15,310,123,231,0.095,0.818,0.087,-0.5741,2,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,2,9,9,0,1,14,0,22,1,0,2,1,39,46,10,0,13,10,2,1,2,0,6,1,2,0,0,15,8,0,0,5,0,1,3,5,4,0,0,6,6,21,5,27,30,6,26,0,3,3,0,13,13,0,5,12,123,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.11431766968136033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132800323715567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090078099895967,0.0,0.07141115938841539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124786019795821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061203988629299176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035918863407591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852054405636467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274373647394212,0.1144633089409515,0.11741114150707767,0.20688425908200225,0.0,0.09837319815159183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753546442722984,0.2353779536333651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686232950457504,0.090350274080715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240481743208562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601537037059663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552832062777784,0.26246082599497145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009354937808486,0.0,0.11566761544880565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867005080194405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018477099011117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807926862510272,0.09415757685170482,0.20478166416364668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565329244633969,0.0,0.0,0.09300089739766082,0.20492645340669735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386034836890245,0.12742128914962686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728736875276144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160860493560559,0.0,0.0,0.07543823085901366
suicidewatch,ObviousRevolution,2018/01/14,"see ya'll on the other side. Here's the thing, I'm old as fuck and realized that I have tried life out and it isn't for me. The only thing I feel like I was born to do is completely unrealistic, the place I love is not feasible to live, and I haven't felt actual happiness since 2007. I see those around me with happy lives and it is lost on me, I feel awful for actually resenting those people but I do. It's better to go out now than to fade out. I have tried to be happy, be normal. I have some happy memories I tried to replay in my brain, but nothing works. I have no ties to this life, think it's time to bow out.",1.4271031207598384,2.700903813432838,3.7788195386702883,89.6674694708277,78.02985074626865,7.559294436906378,18.898236092265943,8.296473431620573,0.5506059701492534,477,9,114,9,11,166,77,134,0.069,0.762,0.168,0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,3,10,2,0,4,1,14,5,1,0,0,20,25,7,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,5,16,7,21,20,1,16,0,1,2,2,1,10,1,1,6,77,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.2696088016314557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297360253491214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217332117984847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420956844271375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483682628853284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969514570694808,0.09868701501128,0.13263575601839436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770790822971398,0.0,0.0,0.07850796358822923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882090323329485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951442825543,0.0674880699553239,0.0,0.2439597365961917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507957789799937,0.0,0.12467645455551365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534755659303346,0.13254874863150093,0.0,0.14495435659058564,0.0,0.0,0.10506145147119203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576866072133826,0.0,0.14432656409370115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015887995009015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427057081252145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354773047517212,0.0885143291240389,0.0,0.0,0.08055035831229951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28136332503013545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056733229365172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,account8726,2018/01/14,"I'm tired I've had depression since I was 11, maybe 12 years old. I'm currently 19 and I'm severely behind my classmates because I feel like garbage and I can't get myself up in the morning. I can't sleep, I can't find motivation to do anything. Every day I think about killing myself and I tell myself there's a reason I'm still here after all these years. The more I think about it, the more I understand there isn't one. 

My cats will be fine. I travel a lot, I'm away for weeks and they manage just fine without me. My parents feed them and give them the love they deserve.
My acquaintances online will be fine. They aren't close enough to me to feel heartbroken. They've faced death before, they know life will go on.
I don't have much. I drink to feel good for a moment.

When I was 13, I tried to kill myself. I said goodbye to someone who had attempted to help me for some time, they knew my address and called the police. I ended up in a mental institution for half a year. My parents were embarrassed. They cut ties with me and refused to take me back home, so social services took care of me for another half a year. They later let me move back home, but it hasn't really been the same. I no longer live with them. They still message me, sometimes telling me to kill myself, saying I'll never become anything, all their problems are because of how difficult I was as a teen.

Why should I seek for help? These feelings of worthlessness will never truly leave me alone. They will always be there, no matter how medicated I will be. Why shouldn't I end it all? I can't bring myself to care about people being shocked after seeing me jump or about my old classmates giving speeches and pretending to have known me.",3.003319340329835,4.78843406956522,3.859510244877562,88.58086956521744,74.97101449275362,6.613693153423289,23.490754622688645,7.372421405659032,0.8992628685657169,1354,40,276,16,29,433,180,345,0.14800000000000002,0.767,0.085,-0.9746,3,1,1,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,13,2,17,18,4,1,13,0,33,8,2,4,5,43,59,15,4,3,4,2,4,1,0,8,3,3,3,0,6,11,2,1,13,3,0,6,14,10,0,3,10,8,60,8,37,35,10,36,0,2,1,1,29,7,0,3,24,189,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993844552170948,0.0,0.0,0.07984547142625177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062124765052803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793195643295269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015652219801236,0.14757290396764955,0.0,0.11699127955425452,0.1059790387577104,0.08165393524821855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979847406143922,0.0,0.19567293755931905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188553614417318,0.0,0.0826492387599058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094003165952721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699821629773351,0.09915116969785057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808494911849285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940787625467199,0.06855303974913342,0.0,0.0,0.0877046736610524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050134551832576285,0.18410499427512936,0.05453564025492348,0.08048575193563601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863842288969396,0.0,0.19250915204091765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31849283437268555,0.0,0.052736488370664636,0.0,0.0,0.101606593665793,0.0,0.09812445149473806,0.06777859152610892,0.04688065944350231,0.0,0.08473344501379068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158080433118338,0.08660663152034978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640358807455718,0.0,0.0,0.09666847156552784,0.09670397662056512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198909833359426,0.07054081457830456,0.0,0.14801880074916113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138539539429107,0.0,0.06502421739665916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310195029739853,0.0,0.0,0.06652580184334042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181968421505332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147371273960309,0.09866170582476977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127886485328833,0.07631034921405798,0.0,0.0,0.07646679984503603,0.0,0.0,0.10840621557804757,0.0,0.07937817333082334,0.0,0.09602817573803024,0.09781798906973596,0.081305643716101,0.0,0.0949057814186852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532657636765275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214913206076103,0.0,0.16774457329172818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297314539536025,0.0,0.0,0.05595439191831715,0.11029061113520007,0.0,0.0,0.10661384133858867,0.06514977748097374,0.0,0.0,0.09989657344816014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697242168438465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317591917487224,0.0,0.0,0.0925009315714954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717747845267404
suicidewatch,throwawayusername234,2018/01/14,"I’m probably going to kill myself I’m a short man 5,3 and I’m not taken seriously I hate being short. Whenever I ask a girl out she laughs at me most men expect my friends treat me like shit. My friends force me to go clubbing and to bars with them they are all 5,10+  and I never get anything. 

I hate going to bars and clubs and no women will ever love me. Because of this shit society that favours looks over merit. I’m even starting to hate tall men and women ",-0.6690476190476176,1.5099772653061263,1.6477959183673467,94.88529931972788,97.77551020408166,4.245986394557823,17.7578231292517,6.079149491110277,-0.17303482993197286,364,11,79,4,15,122,65,98,0.117,0.5920000000000001,0.29100000000000004,0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,0,2,15,6,0,2,0,3,5,2,0,3,14,19,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,2,8,2,0,0,4,0,3,3,7,0,0,1,1,14,8,10,16,2,12,0,0,1,1,13,6,2,1,4,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844958759873048,0.0,0.18000524024690825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173747252722034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271753271876682,0.17416957910455122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975223173748834,0.0,0.10059774147977828,0.0,0.32828630391191804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703002238532088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302447543151015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406862705880548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169079463320188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378097957699154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485039409710601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207597986875399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395292989698926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628559650464955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeebsRys,2018/01/14,"I can't handle this anymore My life has been constantly going down in spirals. My parents expect a lot from me in college and I keep failing them. I was called out a lot of things: useless, dead weight, dumb, etc. I'm trying, but I can't seem to find motivation when my own parents put me down in times of failure. My family is in deep shit and they always put the blame on me, I can't take it anymore. I have a plan to end everything if I still can't get shit done by the end of the semester (3 months away). I tried to talk this out to my friends but they always took it as a joke, or pay little to no attention about it. I literally have no one else to talk to about shit that's going down in my life when I desperately need someone to listen. Everyday, everytime, and everywhere, I get thoughts about different ways of ending my life. I want it to stop, I want to seek help and go to a psychiatrist but I am only currently depending on my parents and they think it's only a waste of time. It's so hard to keep going every single day, and the time might soon come when I decide to stop.",3.2173182819383257,4.02720245814978,4.914050110132159,85.10076679515419,72.87665198237886,8.318171806167399,26.0817731277533,8.660442795831766,1.653493612334802,846,27,185,15,16,288,122,227,0.215,0.7170000000000001,0.068,-0.9882,5,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,4,3,9,8,4,0,10,0,13,7,3,2,0,33,32,16,1,5,5,3,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,10,9,1,4,7,1,1,8,6,6,0,1,5,3,30,2,37,26,5,42,0,2,0,0,13,15,4,7,18,125,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168770164484629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046294154439378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692951777964057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534582996287746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886990039688862,0.0,0.1114877104063164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653467802156936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778836349925797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557644974362664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618343522684918,0.0,0.2741280722710144,0.0,0.11505933684238336,0.0,0.0,0.08692329741904344,0.0,0.09272054109141503,0.0,0.09725739365497917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094293474478921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970716465468039,0.0,0.10780180545467292,0.0,0.2345304891022173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241805941085672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915118282427718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340051188297565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861134498887572,0.0,0.1034012105944507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541910071751088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944470252285217,0.0,0.0,0.08234753125620149,0.0,0.0,0.07649759563308313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990915224540062,0.15692747890241954,0.0,0.0,0.3436668048518041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074242117876188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392006483130992,0.0,0.0,0.3177007058976984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741371834259462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823899159101641,0.1725057537183506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756932508454004,0.16584469426216095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854008344256401,0.06610574250434367,0.0,0.08190368694021036,0.1804738723522458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462319062050445,0.14008829002547513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170204970812926,0.08188977527327086,0.0,0.1256305526200892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedoomburrito,2018/01/14,"I tried once now I’m staring at the window thinking of finishing what i started I struggled a couple of years ago and slit my wrists but i called 911 and went through rehab, i was fine but now I’m just empty and full of hatred and sadness towards myself once again.
To be honest I don’t know even why, I’m just going through a tough time, i might have to leave my house by the end of the month and I came to the realization I can’t even be the best of myself for my brother who means the absolute world to me.
All that just leaves me with the thought that maybe i am just broken and never really going to function properly so might as well just end the problem.
If anyone has any suggestions
I don’t even want any warm words just some solid advice or any type of reasonable logical reason for why I shouldn’t just jump off my apartment and create a smaller less hurtful problem that it’ll be for the people around me to deal with than to actually deal with my shitty personality or the thought of how am i fucking up my life anywhere i might be",5.1345542774982,5.289295266355143,5.828130841121499,82.59756649892167,68.29906542056074,8.453774263120058,29.54565061107117,8.139509932561175,1.8809206326383887,833,28,170,10,13,272,122,214,0.16,0.737,0.103,-0.9333,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,17,12,1,1,13,0,17,4,1,3,2,44,32,15,0,5,12,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,6,12,0,0,8,0,0,5,5,7,1,0,5,2,25,5,30,18,5,25,0,2,1,1,7,8,1,7,12,124,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.11445935491413813,0.0,0.0,0.11461566642208385,0.10397162923864704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392862463282989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201277946126008,0.0,0.0,0.10441409280735778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123089946044614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976749524517613,0.13414996010870348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978055351504322,0.0,0.0,0.241844287401644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777049332886086,0.0,0.0,0.2324093224738968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843388424231312,0.0,0.0,0.13331865745562446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533837167887192,0.12556272477568933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446021166741894,0.0,0.0,0.24838902766782384,0.0,0.0,0.08284628899793857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783484044495746,0.1277645724101789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732824895005661,0.0,0.0,0.09362076848845886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046225414163074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498227379424604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131499462053485,0.10241420823262624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446379964238447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513978760446205,0.2411899099626427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301936087507551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226182965660929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515550642923198,0.0,0.18623232527819555,0.06839347969901588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963306955502325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691814268532648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545893311241887,0.108730177501311,0.2116742458703724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553172894491234
suicidewatch,dressedupaslife,2018/01/14,"It's just existence at this point. I'm alive but I'm not living, if that makes sense. It's the same thing every day. Wake up. Feed my cat. See my boyfriend off to work. Work out. Shower. Lay in bed for the rest of the day. Repeat. I love my cat to death. I think she's the only thing keeping me here. I'm not living, I'm just existing day to day. I'm not actively trying to die but if a car killed me while I was crossing the road I'd be okay with it.

Everything is just so... mundane. It sucks. I used to have so many dreams. I wanted to be a soldier, a doctor, a historian, I wanted to travel the world, learn new languages, make a difference. Somewhere along the way I became cynical. I don't find beauty in the things I used to. The world isn't full of possibilities, it's full of ugly people with ugly intentions. 

I miss being hopeful.",-0.3695948616600795,1.8475857954545487,2.2113932806324117,92.83736166007908,91.61363636363636,5.106324110671936,17.311264822134387,6.7026698264267655,-0.010158794466402998,644,17,143,9,23,221,102,176,0.212,0.693,0.095,-0.9766,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,3,0,14,1,8,4,1,5,0,27,26,7,3,5,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,10,4,1,1,3,2,0,3,5,4,0,0,1,1,16,3,21,22,4,23,0,1,1,1,2,12,1,3,7,87,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145214806397296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166768619417431,0.16788460304475036,0.0,0.1644708238530817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538644440628642,0.0,0.14441587876351644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686578419676008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959929251407293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428267446322689,0.1777772986266952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837806317537147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450270586950997,0.0,0.21452077586128904,0.16291225939125933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519332726481344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222103511318618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140072300821124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190195756955618,0.18115140757848336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804741247495285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202616032338633,0.1029622862712506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090965026215778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756542050726346,0.0,0.0,0.1895557149369135,0.12754653627588972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396533780749895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wewamwasschattig,2018/01/14,"I feel worthless every day. Why do I need to keep on living if there's nothing to live for I cant do anything. People dont need/want me, so there is no point to any of this anymore. I dont understand why it took me so long to realise it. Lets hope I actually die this time.",0.961967213114754,2.1125101147541017,3.482754098360658,91.8224918032787,79.0,6.191475409836067,23.67540983606557,6.742157984588678,0.5536924590163936,211,7,51,2,5,74,42,61,0.157,0.794,0.049,-0.7479,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,13,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,7,11,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.18276347626993136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736045395138804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857367328837476,0.0,0.0,0.15411987763563445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207835510098896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943726150854008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389940489005064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779597707465093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469709554340322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601660168506334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646781603929942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915119498168562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307527740964875,0.1657416329771325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777394140627561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970533549744494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984007380495924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770451829158703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920758826018102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808090461848824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497064462170124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104657463297906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379917791875206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kcmod,2018/01/14,"Wanted to kill myself but didn’t today. Today at work I was put on cutting duty for brick. Today was really high paced, and it seemed like th cuts were being Holland left and right and sideways and around in circles at me. Mentally I’m not the most stable as a person and I can only handle so much fast paced working and demands before I get too stressed. Needless to say all the stress as of late and today really got to me. 
I’m a very paranoid person as well and i struggle with mental illness. I began to think they were just doing it to wear me out and make me quit, and they knew me deepest secrets and hated me because of them. 

With it all piling up on me, standing at the saw with the brick on the table and a box cutter (for some reason there was no chalk) to etch cutting lines in the brick. I started to somewhat hyper ventilate, tremble. My nerves skyrocketed and I started to tear up and choke. My inner being was screaming to kill myself, and to just cut and cut and cut, just violently start running laps on my wrist and throat. I got all choked up and got lost in my head. All I could think about was how good it would’ve been to just off myself in front of my coworkers. To not feel stressed anymore, and to break away. I just wanted to end it man. 

In all honesty holding that knife and halfway crying is the closest I’ve ever came to killing myself. But I chickened out again. I just don’t have the audacity to do it.  Gosh dang I hate being alive. I feel like Mr.Meeseeks. Existence is definitely pain man. I just hate being alive, and everything is just so bland and repetitive to the point that it all becomes annoying. Idk, I’m just annoyed that life sucks this bad and has no color to it. It just seems so meaningless. 

Turns out, they had me on the saw because I was a lot better than the guy they had on and I was the only one available who could keep up with the demand and do a decent job. I almost killed myself for nothing. ",2.999327290076337,4.6212307735368965,4.122333810432572,87.38174499045805,74.59796437659033,6.3374363867684504,24.494990458015266,6.9077264865688965,0.8974326335877865,1526,48,307,14,32,497,196,393,0.287,0.648,0.065,-0.9988,1,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,5,5,21,31,17,5,18,0,29,7,4,3,7,79,60,35,4,4,14,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,0,5,14,35,0,3,9,0,0,4,6,26,1,1,22,7,41,5,57,32,11,50,0,1,3,0,13,30,2,7,16,222,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890219350662969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804773409426082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903466511651099,0.0,0.0,0.08341346613175357,0.0,0.07412913236337176,0.10824117764188187,0.09805257284299912,0.07554681121563757,0.0,0.0,0.0785203273432601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154277921224784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177015837482426,0.0,0.09752268813254553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863436304348012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030826188494655,0.0,0.0,0.07979139782402922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978153710847317,0.06342576798585922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638484980745455,0.0,0.0,0.07446599956935678,0.2130208560663674,0.0,0.0,0.08790798505905982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26296107486574466,0.09111578678919854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380289396788866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810228214690169,0.07891338333734142,0.3928958305764211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014978850668013,0.0,0.09646173463600588,0.0,0.06270924289097844,0.08674865008958976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691587175616544,0.07547914996249051,0.0,0.0,0.05926257110652205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894243659774253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652648716285935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851885749767244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016087603343233,0.13504518795117632,0.09447014293122533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504176559330995,0.0,0.0,0.0839275405894164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925027618617942,0.0,0.09443042079643199,0.0,0.0,0.1137518469121046,0.0912825235121692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581921074750922,0.0,0.07060288678492799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616473150048848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885207410762277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050979113130694,0.09281406126027536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377564316447465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366192332322325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656915328306373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325432031804029,0.1047316651731688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982554115048747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926848145695535,0.0,0.0,0.06306807558982702,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bartenko,2018/01/14,"I can't find puropse in life. At first I want to apologize for my shitty english, but i really feel like i need to just say what i need to say to calm myself.

I am 19 years old girl. Half way to 20. Since i remember i always felt like i don't have my own personality, like i am alwyas trying to be someone else. My friends was always these ""cool""  girsl that talk much, maybe to much. That made me quickly dislike making firends with girs and since i was 10 i had only one bff. I get used to being ""quiet mouse"" so whenever we were meeting she was the one that entertained us with stories about boys that she liked. I guess because of that now i am unable to create long sentences without thinking about it an hour. I often make stops when i say something bc i don't remeber the words in my onw language. That makes me so anxious like i was never before. I am affraid to talk to people. 

When i got to my dream univeristy i was so happy, very soon i realized that i am affriad to make any contact with others. Soon i stoped attending classes because i was always stressed and affraid, even though i loved every second of these classes. Another thing that made me stop attending classes was this horrible lack of prupose. I could't finde any motivation to wake up and try. 

I always hear people that they have a BIIIG dream  since they were child and they do everything to achive it. But i never had one. I never had dreamed job. I have nothing that i want to go for. No destination. I just can't find something for myself. Expet one thing and it makes me want to kill myslef. It is f***ing dancing. I fell in love with dance when i watched ""Step up"". But everyone was laughing at me when i told that i want to star dancng.(Mostly my father) So I never started dancing. Their laughs made me hate it for some time... My love for dancing came back when i met kpop and i saw all these amaizing choreographics. I feel like i can't live without dancing.

One last thing i want to tell about is my period. I feel like my PMS is getting worse and worse from all the stress i am experiencing. Every time i am in half way of my cycle i feel like someone is moving to my head and controls me completely. I make the worst decisions possible. I hurt everyone aroung me. I wanted to kill myself when i brught my boyfriend to tears. I thing i did this today again. I don't know if we broke up. He is the last close person i have except my familly. 
2 weeks i have PMS that i can't controll. 2 weeks i have some hope to move on and fix everything in my live but at the same time i feel depressd because of all things that i done in last 2 weeks. 
This create a cycle that i can't get out of.

There was a lot of other things that i wanted to write about but i can't focus my mind. If anyone survived to this point just tell me about what you love to do when you are bored. Also if my english was horrific let me know and i will delete this and try to find help to write this again.

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suicidewatch,ldub1996,2018/01/14,"I don't know what to do anymore I really don't know what to do anymore.
I honestly don't think I want to live.
I'm 21 and I've felt like this since freshman year of high school.
I swear ecery year it gets worse and worse.
I keep holding out because people always tell me it will get better but it hasnt.
I want to kill myself but everytime I think about going through with it I can't help but think of my littke brothers and how they would feel.
Not only that but I am at least some what religious and I don't want to spend eternity in hell.
If I knew for a fact that there was no after life I would probably end my life rn.
I feel cursed.
I feel like my entire existence has been nothing but sadness and mediocrity.
Everytime things are going well for me it never lasts long and it always gets worse than how it was before. I honestly feel like I'm not meant to be happy. I do so much for other people but when I need something it feels like no one is there for me. Everything from my grades to my family to my love life is shit. 
I used to think it was them. 
Maybe it's everybody else who is the problem.
But no it was obviously me.
So I made chances in my life for the better and put in so much work to improve myself. 
I don't have anything to show for it. My life is just as miserable if not more so now than it was before. 
I wanna die but I can't 
I can't.
Am I already dead? 
Have I been in hell this whole time. 
Am I being punished.",-0.22820781946995794,1.9113778996763773,1.94922767427622,95.962261873524,88.77346278317152,5.152838275168373,17.736464619959765,6.643151254067905,-0.12557962039709558,1117,29,259,14,37,374,149,309,0.174,0.6659999999999999,0.16,-0.3854,0,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,2,4,13,19,5,1,3,0,35,7,1,4,3,55,64,25,3,10,14,1,6,4,0,3,5,0,0,0,23,9,0,2,14,1,1,3,16,8,1,1,11,6,43,11,34,48,6,21,2,2,0,1,7,7,3,3,15,181,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836236435129812,0.0,0.16341483658293054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476923602835988,0.0,0.0,0.08080741584559083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059859721811664164,0.0,0.16711610873592678,0.0,0.0,0.17369378470286342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191254351586213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820306396371047,0.0,0.08697302078869526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825275150853715,0.0,0.09257099336961884,0.0,0.2482556986269024,0.21045496233712327,0.09428411304235074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391097544798182,0.0,0.11161475511401042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453208200004577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581909555829166,0.10375007479361018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728162935216832,0.10863996323598388,0.0,0.10793254113365228,0.08004331624401345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467957311859107,0.19189554936590053,0.0,0.08670937639103714,0.08690088043395754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862624444498457,0.092915975296297,0.0,0.0,0.09865165994894703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437156523507524,0.07281151747972409,0.07573525368300595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422226385064224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654054181158225,0.07468292159113994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361542845522433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587251824619001,0.09396086229485236,0.0,0.09871468179687867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290724158831505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993801782232537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079737499961752,0.08122922309431821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559652229918076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582813634415029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523744233187034,0.2516816057305495,0.0,0.0,0.05725921362913222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481031411892953,0.0,0.0,0.1737566556106783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829051551051942,0.0,0.0,0.10963297123567337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148827745232837,0.0,0.3002121028929897,0.13951206157399734,0.0,0.0,0.1264707519625347
suicidewatch,Jay_Da_Awesome,2018/01/14,Im a complete mess I need to get my shit together I've cut myself for almost a year now havent been diagnosed with anything everyone in my school thinks im a fuck boy Because of rumours i fingered someone and took a photo of another girls ass all I've had is a few close friends but 2 of them keep calling me a fuck boy even if it is as a joke i told them to stop because it genuinely hurt me and they haven't stopped and another one got mad at me because they heard the rumours and thought i actually did it so they didnt even hear me out or listen to me and ive only got like 1 left and im scared of being alone i depend on social interaction a lot to keep me alive and im slowly losing my friends because of these fucking rumours made up by a bunch of dicks all because i dumped my girlfriend because she kept flirting with my friends so she took revenge and started spreading shit and noe im in a dark place where i have no hobbies and im just blundering through school hoping one day it gets better and i realise i have a passion for something but a few weeks ago i was on the edge of a building and i was so close to ending it all there but i didn't and im not sure if i regret that decision or not so to conclude i have no aspirations for my future my friends are slowly leaving me one by one and multiple rumours have been spread because i broke up with someone that i went out with ,4.831249506514016,4.353596325503357,5.937074615080935,83.71848598499804,68.96644295302013,8.622502960915911,33.97236478484011,7.928766900206844,2.3342062376628507,1107,49,240,12,17,371,147,298,0.189,0.68,0.131,-0.9571,0,1,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,5,3,10,25,8,1,15,0,19,10,5,3,4,52,42,26,0,5,10,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,3,8,22,0,5,4,1,0,3,8,14,0,4,18,4,39,11,33,23,7,27,0,4,0,6,26,14,7,8,11,159,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0768304241421632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979057656885572,0.0,0.07883805755443403,0.08154191714207358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511333529431338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478917893855038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359572300338025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963146624519792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039349396153886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254830500944954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077519667978194,0.0,0.0,0.07991064598958954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973259258126001,0.0,0.0,0.10400260618660696,0.0,0.0,0.07523116289861274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433105311378916,0.2183575468506355,0.08226774423740571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259372789236649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887359346166165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819797859304865,0.0,0.0,0.08428352062790025,0.0,0.5953034520890778,0.0,0.0,0.1399600529969037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336511402800666,0.08554182396485929,0.0,0.0,0.038464152563471486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808022323631896,0.0,0.06693456408877954,0.0,0.07449749118601698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837828602012685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134015560322575,0.05987872672315023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225748615920872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882379939746492,0.15936062507319335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163316440820738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025667940026797,0.13341760637715686,0.060611226817754764,0.0,0.0,0.05572644291790861,0.0,0.0,0.13164583994234946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420334986185452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044785932882913,0.0,0.0625038842427448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523116289861274,0.17494681633338646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315352655002775,0.0,0.0,0.07298473471866952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070039731904615
suicidewatch,Hyogita,2018/01/14,"Tried to kill myself last night. Everything is going well financially, socially,etc. But I miss my ex.

We were together for 7 years and then we stopped seeing each other. 

I havent talked to her much since but i tried texting her last week and she hasnt answered. 

I was coming back from work last night and I was alone at the train station listening to cowboy fringants. It was blistering cold. Just saw the tunnel, the sad song, the cold -30c wind, and no reply from my ex, and just sorta thought ""why am I going through all these motions without her""?

Then I texted a suicide note and prepared to send it to her when the train comes(its not your fault, etc.). I was going to press send, drop the phone and do it.

Don't know why I didn't but I got scared when the train came... 

I'm only 26... Id like to keep on living as long as I can, but I dont know if ill be able to live without her... What do I do?

I've been with other girls this past year but sex does nothing for me if its not with her. :(",0.8823395445134565,2.8990669371980684,2.106459627329194,97.51695652173916,82.52657004830918,5.1022774327122145,19.51897860593513,6.18269132825596,-0.22476011042097974,764,20,178,6,21,243,125,207,0.114,0.795,0.091,-0.7233,0,2,0,0,0,2,38.0,2,1,0,1,6,7,1,1,8,0,18,2,0,0,1,35,33,20,2,2,13,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,14,0,2,4,1,0,8,10,5,1,0,11,7,27,2,21,21,4,27,0,2,2,1,18,2,0,3,17,112,36,1,0.13614456901598618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100471444683782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468676987057553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571311762726436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727649114327965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914102980794995,0.0,0.15956042093489434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30367436528869624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235795997908125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23212228807382734,0.0,0.10888724888515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101154840649385,0.15062379412013546,0.0,0.14964298928622574,0.3329279841647948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651335949340154,0.0,0.24043629745049466,0.12048365935940834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008192322163363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555249106709367,0.0,0.13063438581017014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354407964589743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996539620484673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630446419709638,0.0,0.10848959480896966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126201943691806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382295584762026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892006134577665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942784751043326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808358030276154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486645119526895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092069611508156,0.0,0.12241031785081008,0.0,0.24569859520768755,0.0,0.0,0.26247701240227145,0.0,0.09911486771762908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753452775425272
suicidewatch,doublegdoublew,2018/01/14,"Gas is running On my stove, I already feel woozy. Nobody else cares much so I thought I'd drop a line here. See you all on the other side.",-1.0380000000000005,1.0296988666666709,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,93.66666666666666,3.0,17.5,3.1291,-1.158,106,3,26,0,4,34,27,30,0.08,0.8170000000000001,0.102,0.1621,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,4,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927016767828473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552160187241947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729766689636356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575365481660745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32821410227117137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35578667775133394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35445517169734786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beetlemire,2018/01/14,"I'm sure this topic has been brought before does anyone ever with to have a terminal illness? There are often times when I wish I had a terminal illness so I that I can end this life I hate without leaving my family with the feeling of guilt and the horrible question of if there was anything they could have been done. I also feel tremendous guilty for those who are suffering and still have the will to live.
I just want to get that off my chest. I and wonder how many of you feel the same after learning someone full of life gets taken away from them the thing I wish I never had. ",6.9587179487179505,5.95002790598291,6.840641025641028,80.75019230769233,64.81196581196582,9.509401709401713,32.32051282051282,8.344100000000001,2.303861538461538,463,15,92,5,6,147,80,117,0.16699999999999998,0.747,0.085,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,10,4,1,1,7,0,15,5,1,1,3,24,28,8,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,8,3,15,1,15,18,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,4,7,76,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453660780917162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710189777672282,0.0,0.14958603266332407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078439068218465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546778562236622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513322151556166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907326749326364,0.18601980132455406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609994453155825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442665925310082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136208964192146,0.0,0.2757339879395717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994075366052024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794660144088433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247437418218588,0.0,0.0,0.25678731106463193,0.0,0.0,0.1605114019959576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429217664096526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401967382899476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363054848349665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401808413349866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516642514473865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132158329543093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076379472614142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599495740057097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721610341355436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180665031696773,0.17522542851947526,0.19712815056792832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BestOldExFriendRay,2018/01/14,"""No thanks"" I have no interest in living anymore. This isn't the usual loss of interest and enjoyment in hobbies that comes with the bundle of existential joy that is depression. It's more than that. It's realizing that the cost-benefit ratio of continuing to draw breath is just not worth it.

At the end of last year, I promised myself I would wait till the end of this year, give treatment a chance, give hope a chance, before making any major decisions. But, the more I think about it... Why? Life is just going to keep shitting on me. It will never get better, I see that now. It's been two and a half decades and I've seen little to no improvement in my life's circumstances. Yet somehow, through a thorazine picnic hosted by someone who charges for fifty minutes what I can spare in three months and still claims to understand me and my life, I'm supposed to somehow just accept that? Like some pills and happy talk are somehow going to magically transform this hellscape I call life into something tolerable?

Well, even if they do, I don't care about tolerable. I don't fucking want tolerable. I wanted to be happy because of my life, not in spite of it. But it just doesn't break that way for everyone. Some people skate through life with wine and roses, others get to crawl through broken glass and dog shit. In light of this, it looks like my options are to keep beating my head against the wall in the dwindling hopes that someday I can maybe, possibly, end up just slightly less miserable, that I might be able to come to terms with this bullshit existence that was thrust upon me by two people that got horny one night and were too inconsiderate to use a condom or pull out, or I can just say ""no thanks,"" blow my fucking brains out and call it a day, so sorry, better luck next life. I know where I'm at right now.",6.215045190880886,6.458154249291785,6.1753460137596115,80.72800755429651,65.99716713881021,9.103412923242953,31.25711587751248,8.841846274778883,2.357507055173344,1442,51,281,21,21,455,196,353,0.127,0.726,0.146,0.8578,0,0,2,0,0,1,46.0,0,0,1,4,20,27,5,1,14,0,22,17,5,2,1,56,53,17,0,6,13,0,0,2,0,3,8,1,0,0,29,18,1,3,6,1,1,5,11,8,1,5,5,5,25,19,50,43,7,45,0,3,3,3,8,19,4,13,21,190,54,0,0.09393162202190887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387672402746622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315492886596337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725984494276076,0.0,0.0799288919497794,0.0,0.0,0.1661497728121622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485875522897954,0.1918293765386104,0.0,0.0957695488657784,0.0,0.0,0.16182755019530434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060578125434924475,0.0,0.08090316840811608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24958661018670786,0.0,0.0,0.062040950455244874,0.0,0.0,0.08975569019316247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736765419305249,0.09815079124343927,0.18021554197110928,0.10676701090025953,0.0,0.07512569894789434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999839165874724,0.0,0.0,0.0964009434680879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659059011989967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698148310080604,0.0,0.0,0.05162236293910419,0.07656680883444207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644267776551224,0.09178049170081737,0.09414416198847536,0.08294334315243683,0.0,0.07887890521488172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270008709062284,0.0,0.09436693958911713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964660707410383,0.0,0.0,0.07497532453794048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244585760411187,0.0,0.09989734565131823,0.08814846416497943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365049805153053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024071923158906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589379034414956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080217091973047,0.0,0.07469819597106858,0.0,0.0,0.07485134138336139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192838920343621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958795851952864,0.0723131517163111,0.0,0.10514876055836436,0.0,0.0,0.07501391468311906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549867971460664,0.0,0.17295923489270382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018759059897669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351509183380751,0.09778613120137886,0.0,0.08112676252114592,0.1034524110975306,0.0,0.11080660870586073,0.07455854940387326,0.0,0.0,0.08445580893200293,0.0,0.08475867874557877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672632925446846,0.0,0.0,0.1209777698258195
suicidewatch,sidney-cat,2018/01/14,I’m a coward. I can’t think of anything worse than wanting to end it all but not having the balls to go through with it. I struggle every day with this. One day I’ll stop being a coward. ,0.3523170731707346,2.107227097560976,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,82.90243902439025,4.1000000000000005,20.006097560975608,3.1291,-0.5277853658536587,145,4,33,0,4,49,32,41,0.322,0.6779999999999999,0.0,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872648683203996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502582198794045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091831746238816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941167698238407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839143223999867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365471012957185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918483109026228,0.0,0.3649364603401172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367774842288185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589769833819874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557445369887651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SEN1LE,2018/01/14,"Second attempt I have tried to kill myself before but it didn’t work out, mainly because I was using an iPhone cable and my ceiling light as a makeshift noose to end it. 
The thin cable snapped, not before seriously fucking up my neck to the point where it’s hard to have it support itself for long periods of time and resort to painkillers because the constant pain is unbearable. Not to mention I can crack it with the slightest movement now, which creeps some people the fuck out.
Anyways my point is, despite my brief moment of clarity when I hit the ground on my ass before fainting, my life has only gotten worse and the only thing stopping me from trying again is the fear of another failure and more medical complications which may leave me paralysed and unable to try again. 
I need an effective way, I don’t want to fuck up again, I don’t want to discuss what’s wrong with me, I just want to die.
Somebody please help me out",10.92130952380952,7.384629527777783,9.778571428571428,70.75500000000002,59.27777777777778,12.063492063492065,41.82539682539682,9.23628265651192,3.903373015873015,745,29,136,8,7,234,114,180,0.225,0.665,0.11,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,4,1,11,0,12,9,2,2,0,23,23,8,2,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,3,3,19,1,24,18,3,26,0,0,0,4,3,11,4,2,12,96,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766249443551446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716856486035946,0.0,0.3594834304113697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521768525306532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614936893135902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472509922533112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846212903148532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905586425143824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614744124602892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438896280691818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579693647027676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910849767929707,0.0,0.0,0.0994656310447622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462164515622765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418617635731486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044165611364613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420055832080045,0.14984286124900772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976271520566744,0.0,0.0,0.15457853955573406,0.266241638454294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773218119115365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980134999457615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355483337548924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211352252336877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28682347553982473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162363394867742,0.0,0.0,0.2491786063721549,0.11177669906496566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251894688529213,0.0,0.14350804415139742,0.0,0.15396502886060764,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aimlessusername,2018/01/14,"I can’t even cry anymore I swear I’ve cried so much I don’t think I can do it anymore. Like I have the feeling but I’m not even producing tears. Holy fuck man. I can’t stand anything anymore. I feel like my family is suffocating me and I’m 21 and want to do things and see the world but I really don’t know how. My family is religious and I’m not at all. I’m in school but I literally don’t know what I want to do when I’m older.  Holy shit it feels like I’m sinking even further and I can’t see the bright side . Right now I can’t see how life is worth it right now. I literally feel like I can’t be who I want and that I am judged constantly I can’t fucking stand it anymore . Like I have to ask to go places like a little kid, it’s so fucking humiliating . Idk man",-1.1811083743842374,0.7347044195402326,1.9506239737274207,95.83534482758623,91.01149425287356,5.6131362889983585,18.05582922824302,7.07126945348624,0.03307257799671648,595,17,152,10,21,211,80,174,0.121,0.6920000000000001,0.187,0.7979999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,4,0,4,0,20,5,1,3,1,25,44,14,0,3,5,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,9,6,0,0,7,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,0,8,21,7,6,43,2,17,0,0,4,3,5,9,4,0,11,83,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565375006022164,0.0,0.0,0.094705961815495,0.0,0.10758986291958823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436706752629118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528331066667613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280396281814915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169856533969073,0.0,0.2327637330669208,0.2466523575641427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191854231364049,0.0,0.0,0.06540601889851222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264964980291566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128863652372721,0.3373512018786214,0.11534639372746262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460144283367978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024036221575456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372703058795019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656560914585086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164731635771286,0.27512589560117895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118134112419297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645801635617812,0.07374245387182637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364209174684192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaypeachya,2018/01/15,"I can slowly see myself slipping back into self harm,I know I’m going to end up killing myself . Recently I’ve been feeling like my life isn’t real,I’m disconnected from my senses and emotions and my life feels fabricated ,I feel like I am inside my head watching myself live life.I feel nothing,I crave to feel something.Every night for weeks I’ve been thinking about taking a razor blade and cutting my thighs,I think I’m going to do it tomorrow.I don’t want to die,but I really need to feel.I know I am pathetic.",2.7656813417190764,4.540828943396232,4.6995597484276725,82.34659329140463,75.60377358490567,6.975262054507338,24.985324947589106,7.793537801064563,1.4654708595387844,412,14,79,6,9,141,66,106,0.1,0.82,0.081,-0.5859,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,0,15,25,3,1,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,7,13,2,10,23,0,9,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,7,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867780463870787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367745914096533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882403511612226,0.14821780266963802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409951929131081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076872871658804,0.2391022855567668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021178750018375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717440211087205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514220256956712,0.0,0.18393662699432897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546016968397673,0.16351241115448156,0.0,0.14776850479596768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408403240478665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704173782555408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190474993699776,0.10720534983924644,0.0,0.1652327795650248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335212179552586,0.0,0.17457709990359033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582244667628342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144555532018324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870428576699976,0.0,0.13423388676071255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LameImpalas,2018/01/15,"If I don't get help this year I'm going to die I don't have insurance, I can't afford anything. I live in America  so it's all too confusing for someone as stupid as me. I make too much for free insurance but I don't make enough to pay money. 

If i don't get on an antidepressant I'm going to lose control.  If I don't get a good therapist I will die this year. I'm terrified to be alone. ",-0.4307702020202022,1.2849872613636393,2.9733333333333327,91.16055555555555,85.47727272727273,7.092929292929293,21.141414141414145,8.167268648758528,1.023139898989899,301,10,74,7,9,110,50,88,0.332,0.644,0.024,-0.9781,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,2,0,9,0,0,3,1,9,19,7,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,10,3,10,17,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240738228874436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803798972748128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265543127534325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490752286955746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235478535292863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391025486833405,0.0,0.24591389808077624,0.1814644964828093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501514912035932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910414149696647,0.0,0.0,0.2420408181837793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28883121661733696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904247759498927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833130379393326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25119955278188355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27864519862580384
suicidewatch,yikesisrikes,2018/01/15,"I want to die but I don't want to upset my family and s.o. I normally have little pits of depression but this week has been really bad. My s.o. and I got into a fight a couple days ago and we haven't been talking. I tried talking to her today but she went out with her friends and stopped answering. My friends are back at school so I haven't talked to anyone since our argument. There's nothing pushing me over the edge, I just have this feeling of wanting everything to stop and I have no one to talk to about it. I've been eating one thing a day and at this point I don't feel hungry until about 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I used to have online friends that I'd talk to every day but I miss having someone there to talk to about stupid stuff or just sit there on Skype for no reason. Thanks for listening.",1.8728007889546348,3.631245313609469,3.2572544378698254,91.77684812623276,78.11242603550295,6.6368441814595664,21.917554240631162,7.554174236665415,0.7118044181459569,634,18,140,9,15,207,101,169,0.194,0.68,0.126,-0.9271,0,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,2,0,0,0,11,10,2,1,5,0,14,1,0,2,0,29,25,14,1,4,8,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,7,10,1,2,4,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,5,3,20,4,27,20,0,23,0,2,0,0,16,9,0,2,11,96,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017094746764433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690279919498893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556731456027168,0.10377258947737747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375187312955267,0.0,0.2404601796296328,0.0,0.10704628812436212,0.0,0.12898796662218248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717434487024565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047152769698395,0.0,0.11169913509348503,0.0,0.1171646177301442,0.0,0.12568422556648068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880663091872145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994018821927082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456598780665265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177268398714836,0.11925458638701805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843714993490325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748927766669595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962000454854913,0.12778544058028052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578281994867896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280964399249788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530608017641707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781526145314508,0.0,0.0,0.14227632390791262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993723297191381,0.0,0.11442471572124635,0.0,0.0,0.08256927698708769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780742734572447,0.0,0.0,0.08438119886047384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734213463219684,0.0,0.0,0.21991912792171495,0.0,0.09969374374024698,0.0,0.0,0.11521322462062493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neptune_Atlas,2018/01/15,"My gf is planning on killing herself and idk what to do... Ok so me and her have known each other for 9 months. We are in a long-distance relationship. We have never met in real life. I think she may be bipolar. One night she told me she cut herself a little bit. On her thigh. At first I thought she was joking. She showed me the mark if lefted in the morning and I knew it was serious. She is 16 and I am 18. She has told me before she wants to die. She has had a bad past with men but I won't go into any details. It was just really bad. She doesn't talk to her parents about it just me. Her mother and father may get a divorce so that makes this situation even worse. She can be really happy at times then really down. We get in fights sometimes but they are usually resolved. She always complains she is a bad gf because she treats me like shit. I forgive her for doing so because of her shit life. Today we were just talking casually and a few mins later she said I will kms on said date. Then I told her why would u. She said love u bye. We then went back and forth until I decided to leave her alone. She said she wasn't feeling ok. But I have never heard her give me a date before. Saying you will is one thing but a date means you have planned out how u want to go. I didn't tell my parents the full story and neither has she. She has tried killing herself before. I didn't know her at the time. She doesn't have any friends in real life and the ones she does have just use her. She is also behind in school which stresses her out. I will go into more details if anyone is willing to help me and thank u for hearing me out.

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suicidewatch,Xshakel,2018/01/15,"Going out with a bang For last 10 years I had what is known as dysthymia, which is a “lighter” version of depression, but that tends to last longer. I won’t bore you with all the details of my life, only that whatever I do, wherever I go, I can’t escape the feeling of inadequacy and self loathing. In the last few months I’ve decided to end it. After carefully reading about different methods, I decided to go with the rope. So I bought myself a nice long and sturdy one, and went on to find a good place to do it. I was ready to do it, I felt at peace.
But then I thought of my parents, and what it would do to them. It would have been the most selfish act I had done to them. 
So I decided to do the complete opposite: over-medicate myself with ADHD drugs daily and be hyper productive until eventually, either my heart will fail or I’ll have a stroke. It will probably take some time, maybe even years, but at least I will spare my parents from going through the pain and feeling of fault of not being able to help their son. Forward unto dawn!",6.353563119345112,5.368003985781994,6.934510986643691,79.51047824213703,66.01421800947867,10.326755708746234,33.39982766049117,9.573946990214177,2.8255649289099516,815,30,170,14,11,269,129,211,0.136,0.747,0.117,-0.8067,3,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,3,1,4,9,0,0,12,0,23,5,1,0,1,31,36,15,0,2,6,3,4,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,11,11,0,0,9,1,1,7,3,6,0,1,9,4,23,3,33,19,7,25,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,3,13,124,34,2,0.14404796680697535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311766333962425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686650245344396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103155256985748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406830273529446,0.0,0.0,0.15049946626640862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741108242938958,0.0,0.0,0.1670499092933696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758374288925034,0.0,0.0,0.09514232352727664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456699603494643,0.0,0.13830863787244504,0.0,0.13165723201262378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274631164924074,0.12082060024819614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069753423018474,0.09655231574989263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35225495632111753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174533896024876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747791769900935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471554402029213,0.0,0.16000481783296705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149777128075615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761063029908908,0.10955496980668897,0.15327719281942515,0.0,0.3198964404231791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049946626640862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530807168094918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440869482325515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502734450739043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830614404818552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143579953307069,0.08399552784821072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335339083848906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465508536320395,0.0,0.0,0.18552433565117107
suicidewatch,Yuyyuyyuqwer,2018/01/15,"Nobody seems to want to associate with me I felt a lot better half a year ago, I thought I had made friends, I thought I finally got out of my slump. But then my dad died, I didn't constantly message people consistently, and I just noticed when I didn't message people they just forgot about me. They don't ever message me. I feel fucking useless. Why does everyone hate me. I thought I made friends with people I had quite a bit in common with. Apparently they all don't want to talk to me. People are deliberately not looking at my text messages even though they're online all the time. This is stupid.",2.066082740788623,4.5851971596638705,3.3497478991596634,87.35056884292179,81.60504201680672,6.01447963800905,25.96056884292179,7.321109707123232,1.3905650937297995,478,20,94,7,13,155,74,119,0.119,0.779,0.101,-0.624,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,2,7,7,3,0,4,0,8,1,0,2,3,24,23,5,1,2,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,12,3,23,3,12,11,4,12,0,1,1,1,11,3,1,2,9,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378144625109126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375002696096231,0.16973258940494956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800745795767716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135294920316715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605253671618953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268623628005337,0.14063119748326175,0.0,0.14855791123482354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786101254036678,0.0,0.14927524304228815,0.17030940016264934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402309288771288,0.14372918443476873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434327998299505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534940904869597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055534834609442,0.0,0.0,0.1321747351405873,0.0,0.29421828020243024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700322477184416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311323140655859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165361107858067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153372856991267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249606140318369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274813986475505,0.3702766033144727,0.09065560204251676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834000530209402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028717562494808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011735608345927
suicidewatch,dandyrubich,2018/01/15,"Losing hope I'm a 29 year old male 30 in March. I've been battling depression since I was 16 anxiety and panic attacks since 20. I've been with the same woman for going on 6 years.  I've probably held a job for a total of 1 of those years. Recently she's been ignoring me because I guess since she's pointed it out I have been ignoring her and she's right. I spend most days looking for weed to smoke and playing video games. My mom passed away going on 3 years ago and left me with about 50k in life insurance. That money is long gone I bought us a new car so she could get to work and I've taken care of her two boys since they were four and five there now 10 and 11. They haven't seen their real dad since they were 4 and 5 and after all these years they call me dad. For the past few years I've put it in my head the only reason she keeps me around is because I'm a father figure to her children. 2 years ago she had a job making decent money and decided to move us out of section 8 and on our own. She invited her mother to live with us to help out and in less than a year later her plan to move us here and be able to afford it crumbled and since then so has our relationship. After talking with her recently I asked whats wrong she says she is tired of being ignored that's why she picks up extra shifts at work and when she does get home she leaves. So I decided a few nights ago to put the video games down when she gets home and spend time with her. Her response last night was why are you trying now you never did before. I told her I'm trying because I love her and she didn't have anything to say to that. I told her if she doesn't want me here to tell me but help me find resources so I'm not homeless in the cold and need to find work. I've been going to therapy for years so many different ones because she couldn't keep appts for me always working never home we only have one car and my mother is dead and I don't speak to my dad so I have nobody else to fall on. I've given up, I don't know where to begin to pick up my life and it's all my fault EVERYTHING.  I'm hopeless I have about 18 1mg Ativan here 50 50mg trazodone and 27 200mg Seroquel I'm thinking a cocktail of that and a belt around my neck and door can take me away because I can't go on.  

TLDR: I'm ready to end my life ",1.6592490118577068,2.788366851778658,3.3122747035573137,93.8462381422925,77.12252964426878,6.245770750988142,20.55513833992095,6.6274283507984215,0.06660173913043455,1801,40,429,15,40,599,237,506,0.07400000000000001,0.8909999999999999,0.035,-0.9372,4,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,7,2,5,6,19,15,2,1,15,0,33,7,2,4,5,69,70,35,1,6,3,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,4,4,11,35,1,6,8,6,5,13,10,11,0,5,20,6,73,4,63,46,11,76,0,3,2,1,67,27,0,4,36,256,84,6,0.06641501981377028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661872343575202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526261688136564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050807308371631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465390238029999,0.11824689687227888,0.062089078157220735,0.07555667302173047,0.12479819472759746,0.0,0.0,0.20242989818273696,0.0,0.05651429016417003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781716087423366,0.0,0.06771453902917765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053026989081947716,0.0,0.0,0.042832193402379065,0.0,0.057203159246718475,0.0,0.0,0.069389559988995,0.0,0.0,0.05812023140195089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055481226865201315,0.0,0.058823994532730975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968953734341751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140424980050656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409732002152287,0.0,0.15098074517959145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316363202040904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816097106260845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903317562527377,0.0,0.19985904006879024,0.06596510032045322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181331831898574,0.11806544239261722,0.0,0.0,0.036499957986827605,0.054137105442835315,0.0,0.07032391641095857,0.07216011335538669,0.0,0.14073267785984062,0.0,0.0,0.05864567927512821,0.05877520257639556,0.055771889593399945,0.07430141886747171,0.0,0.0,0.05994214839742443,0.0,0.044332541446772435,0.06733440584160814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778446851130423,0.0,0.14117731078815496,0.0,0.04924589565025028,0.10244671527295512,0.06414403999432297,0.0,0.1246519940367906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969139108569404,0.0,0.09000907252006672,0.10102323068757,0.0,0.07792371583603684,0.0,0.0,0.0634006514283788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278366095554873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160662442220052,0.0,0.0,0.13353087772880104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559483264632688,0.0,0.06828570177448576,0.13115363939681454,0.07130487615267725,0.0,0.056718064035456775,0.0,0.10563177891922863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32963514422297024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049935829448756776,0.053381877170071215,0.05804965467772991,0.0,0.07595136328341688,0.0,0.0,0.042556062975701366,0.0,0.0,0.03872713214885079,0.07633429523183112,0.0,0.12692479517040858,0.0,0.09018287771430314,0.0,0.06487782387823239,0.0,0.31955636548104466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039173299439990206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985845037283868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340370169397236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261439816187971,0.0,0.3849218573229868
suicidewatch,dryo,2018/01/15,"attempted OD'd,I just woke up. So I've got canned like three months ago and seems like that was my last strike, no one hires me and seems like I had to go back to my parents house and broke up with my GF cause i can't no longer give her the life she deserves,still no luck and ran out of money because of my masters degree tuition costs evreything just came down and it's just so much, my parents think I'm an idiot and I feel like a burden now, I have some money for funerary services, so i left them a note, seems like they threw it away, i just woke up feeling life shit and can't even be able to kill myself, really not what I expected,I just didn't wanted to wake up.",4.774583333333332,4.033247291666672,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,69.1388888888889,8.311111111111114,26.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9370999999999996,526,12,124,4,8,168,94,144,0.16699999999999998,0.722,0.112,-0.8555,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,2,11,11,3,0,4,0,8,4,2,1,0,26,24,10,1,1,6,2,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,6,0,4,4,7,5,0,2,9,2,18,6,15,14,2,17,0,1,0,0,8,8,1,5,10,75,22,2,0.16124887133366153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293739523712512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149862260623195,0.12399042875676468,0.0,0.0982958153070868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844257516162381,0.0,0.1656470089055356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650335874155864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306454866555542,0.11519622589981575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468461053960905,0.09164144956061797,0.0,0.12896545277026006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860595478311617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783979851228127,0.0,0.0,0.13143935173710006,0.0,0.0,0.1751973705118532,0.0,0.2277896930372567,0.3938902676926364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870731069456087,0.0,0.1185364739631711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092664083692797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35809557819732923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330015598967243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44038474913428655,0.0,0.0,0.16551964921545828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332176580655476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510876212679084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imperial_light,2018/01/15,"What choice do I have to live in this life? We all have a choice to live and a choice to die. I have search a few times of methods of death, but never went through with it. Most of them are too agonizing and unfeasible to do. If death was an easy thing to go through, I would have already done it. On the other hand, life doesn't treat me well. Not one women I've met has feelings for me, never experienced a relationship. Humans ask for too much in a relationship. Work a job in warehouse since employers in my community don't want me. People I know moving on in life. I'm like a pathetic excuse for a human being. I do go to college, but it won't really get me anywhere. I can keep going on, but the point is why prevent suicide and have people keep living a bad life? Btw I'm 23 and turning 24 in a couple of months. I'm not sure if I'll make it past 30.",1.4153571428571432,3.0175736538461537,3.693502747252752,88.84212225274727,78.94505494505495,6.528021978021977,21.81456043956044,7.413659706084162,0.642724175824176,663,19,150,9,16,229,107,182,0.206,0.722,0.071,-0.9828,2,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,13,0,19,5,1,1,4,26,36,9,4,4,7,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,8,6,0,3,2,0,0,5,7,1,1,1,4,3,13,4,25,29,4,20,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,3,6,99,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274303506384254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939818876374526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556971488396832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531522018200554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365163865587274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164534108278146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998616006058644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231548105683759,0.0,0.2359912026109819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373543073245979,0.24605703377508206,0.0,0.0,0.076068587159383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910629513899928,0.06762197558362879,0.0,0.3666656794841736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239226506117612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048054921750007,0.1471119305738886,0.10175004570513857,0.0,0.21350646191827596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379275149575338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213160357285295,0.19191735787561334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308457502144485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867140418368431,0.0,0.0,0.2972091742388535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449729936753178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140219692610218,0.0,0.13045333845069704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919559572294706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071018132023455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055443326656892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164002665008269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445060041979834,0.12831094981176064,0.12489689689869288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076687173561,0.0,0.0,0.09832516963058843,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,askscreepyquestions,2018/01/15,"Managing depression for 10 years now and thought that I was doing well until last Monday. Quick back story: 38/m/Ireland. I was a competitive Powerlifter and represented my country on 2 occasions with great success. My life was lifting; setting goals, reaching targets, smashing PBs...all helped with creating a future for myself.

I started to feel unwell around December 2016 and developed a persistent, non-productive cough. Series of tests led me to an echocardiograph where it was discovered I was suffering Heart Failure. Dilated Cardio Myopathy caused by a viral infection, left my hearts function at 20%EF.

Apparently I had a few months to live if I hadn't caught it. Ironically, now, I wish they hadn't discovered it. My world flipped upside down. No Powerlifting, no excessive exercise, restricted fluid intake, no over exertion, meds for the rest of my life, regular reviews in my heart clinic, multiple ambulance emergency rides to A&E when my heart goes irregular. Hospital, pharmacy, hospital, pharmacy... Seems to be my life for the past year.

Last Monday I snapped. It hit me. Everything I lost came crashing in on me. I got in my car, picked a place I knew well to ram my car into at 120mph. I was screaming at myself to do it. My left hand steering towards the end, my right hand steering me to survive. An image of my dog in my mind kept me on the road. I knew she'd miss me too much.

I'm still very low now despite all my meds. I still wish I had gone through with it. I still think of going to the Cliffs of Moher and jumping... What a beautiful place to end it. I'm dreading the road ahead because I know how Rocky it's going to be... Help me please.",4.08427882406982,6.453857665594858,5.170724621038128,77.77411173633442,73.63022508038586,9.073082223242995,31.36437758383096,9.606745405546679,3.4205065686724847,1318,63,231,36,28,433,185,311,0.107,0.774,0.12,0.6378,3,0,0,0,1,0,61.0,0,0,1,6,15,11,0,1,15,0,15,14,6,4,1,28,37,8,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,10,10,0,2,7,1,0,10,5,7,2,0,19,4,43,4,42,14,4,59,0,5,0,0,4,25,0,2,23,150,53,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744710140778852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964954875863363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334989038198973,0.0,0.06607724090483072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397623215728132,0.0,0.11135262756019466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336138011220796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201349665329148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741940232016674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480831219289235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320797422692058,0.0,0.08669424292863724,0.11950705478200105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137994806451831,0.14531120766070266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595716477299865,0.1767145362592251,0.0,0.0,0.23554530416250544,0.0,0.22969005916636026,0.0,0.0,0.09571571967081476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832711995653568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24080720519502435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094491349738138,0.0,0.08652071248819726,0.0,0.07968358695234252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347631835921778,0.0,0.0,0.2265016537988871,0.11898633904485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256965533676534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867971513148004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672329942593639,0.0,0.25969573529333545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945582768282915,0.0,0.08605437517525567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943811359831078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492217759901065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493002722769464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960703611581268
suicidewatch,brohoofknockout,2018/01/15,It's my birthday today and all I want is to die It's been the only thing on my mind all day. I haven't been able to leave my bed from just being so depressed. I just feel like nothing in life will ever make me happy again. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up.,0.8979999999999997,2.1170728000000025,2.66,97.365,79.33333333333334,4.800000000000002,17.0,3.1291,-0.9996000000000004,208,3,51,0,5,69,45,60,0.146,0.7170000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.3697,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,1,4,14,10,3,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,8,2,7,6,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,36,11,0,0.2662970398579507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173956050393127,0.0,0.229361250220778,0.0,0.27637428449204393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408809183447692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464778468295938,0.1902426584831845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28347815070212384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28197011495242263,0.0,0.0,0.1880934745907573,0.13009928249154593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777553419355854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268884097503761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538469383021893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555191918145852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253089861616644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691592049957405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25241845648975275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314137787253227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrashBandicIit,2018/01/15,My friends? Maybe not. I honestly legitimately have thought about killing myself ever since I was 8 years old but I never have because I’m always told people who do go straight to Hell... but I still think about it constantly. And I honestly don’t think my friends would care if I did. ,1.852389610389612,4.594384472727274,2.7070129870129875,89.64909090909094,86.0909090909091,6.051948051948052,26.038961038961038,7.447530270364453,1.5287142857142857,226,10,45,4,7,71,41,55,0.129,0.655,0.21600000000000005,0.7343,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,11,14,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,9,5,3,9,0,8,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,6,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203999055248838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494518729435034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996467355531155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26493904195644297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176809996011346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788317073462663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393343779010755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712415876775314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463037732574762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908834134559985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572621193632398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996832109943413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280514445735334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579113526107605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141869542946117,0.0,0.19463566227664106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342681161661248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416000500340126,0.0,0.0,0.1578798746579791
suicidewatch,HippieLilbump,2018/01/15,How to leave a pretty body I'm done and want to leave my mother and sibling a pretty body and not a mess .How to die painfully and leave a pretty body leaving donenation worth organs preferred. ,16.905789473684216,7.5589190526315795,14.756315789473685,56.949210526315824,55.84210526315789,16.25263157894737,51.157894736842096,8.841846274778883,5.284915789473684,156,5,28,1,1,50,24,38,0.228,0.46,0.312,0.6136,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,4,3,2,0,9,3,6,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144161798392329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021336075089218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579757553893457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6538289889143938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426227879580024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4711542799106382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910523761774535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thathrowawayacc123,2018/01/15,"No point - thinking of ending it all Summing it up as short as possible.

I'm almost 16. There are 13 year old girls that have a lower voice than me. I have exactly 3 friends, none of them take me seriously. My parents call me hopeless almost every day. (I can't disagree. I can't even hang up a wall painting on my own). I'm ugly as shit and overweight. I will never have children to take care of, nor a girlfriend/first kiss. I tried to teach myself video editing to distract myself from real life, but it caused me being bullied online as well because of my cancerous cringy videos. I don't believe in my dreams anymore either.

I don't have a future,
I don't have the drive to continue,
I don't have the will to live anymore.",2.8941836734693887,4.503332108843541,4.278656462585038,86.20533163265307,74.85034013605444,6.260544217687075,27.215986394557824,6.816661863887847,1.2810231292517007,568,22,112,5,12,188,94,147,0.151,0.7659999999999999,0.083,-0.7733,2,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,1,0,3,8,1,1,6,0,16,5,1,1,3,11,22,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,4,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,10,4,1,0,0,1,20,4,19,19,4,16,0,1,0,1,6,7,1,2,7,77,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689320390953604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653861484834943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229654974296177,0.0,0.0,0.20754869260503425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810544410453287,0.0,0.1878208004024044,0.18924089003402567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880427694204625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631609680048702,0.0,0.0,0.12167313212011854,0.0,0.1552101822141546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669429499427226,0.0,0.0,0.14232506033665734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011742420151667,0.0,0.0,0.16266637238497708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420789710528236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933040236636904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455040626165816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414395227269042,0.2076762049694648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096784852629802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890953899053851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770154708365399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803836996700624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507077887360368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563258175594828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862926070283825
suicidewatch,KeybladesChosen,2018/01/15,"What should I do with my stuff? 20m here planning on catching the bus in the next couple weeks. Ive come to terms with the fact that I'm too goddamn lazy, useless and boring to ever find friends or a relationship and I don't have the willpower it takes to change myself. Ive got my method and everything worked out but I have a few thousand dollars worth of possessions (clothes, computer, instrument, game console, etc.) that I need to get rid of. 

I dont want to make my parents have to go through all of my belongings since that would probably be harder on them. I would like to give all of my stuff away to charity but most of it was bought for me by my parents (read: I'm a useless fuck who's in college but cant get a job) so I feel like I should try and sell it and give the money to them so at least they can get something money back.

 I'm at the point where I cant even get out of bed to go to class anymore so I'm not sure how I'm going to find anyone to buy this stuff apart from just posting a bunch of Craigslist ads. Does this method usually work for smaller things like clothes? What do you guys think is the right thing for me to do here? 

Also do you think I should leave a note? I feel really self conscious about leaving a suicide message behind especially since I know it would be the last thing I ever get the chance to write but it might be better for my parents to know it wasnt entirely their fault I turned out this way. Thanks for the help reddit. Hope you have a good 2018.",2.5113099041533573,3.908917805111823,3.392480511182108,93.03966006389778,75.42172523961659,6.541546325878594,24.34108626198083,7.087006719466742,0.7144142875399355,1175,37,266,12,25,374,168,313,0.085,0.782,0.134,0.958,5,0,3,0,0,1,24.0,0,3,4,4,15,14,1,0,18,0,28,1,0,2,6,47,60,15,1,9,7,3,2,3,1,7,0,0,1,2,21,11,0,0,9,2,7,5,6,5,0,1,4,2,33,9,45,46,8,29,0,2,0,1,21,14,1,4,11,176,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788690171102006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658986189755618,0.06810098442068283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150599111883023,0.07489089258670095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613813464088634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303120145028376,0.08389733594813283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776593003058013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523119088541102,0.0,0.11414644238328595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086213869254294,0.0643286072934221,0.17619905848787495,0.0,0.0,0.08753252057781588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849187329424984,0.06957914628378732,0.0,0.0,0.1780348862943407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524728553359539,0.09004028774500984,0.25442484597300724,0.18686069027897453,0.16605580021819327,0.08169046811321047,0.07789583411925946,0.0,0.0,0.09643655482896166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528194575114266,0.0,0.0,0.09673540386143603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664970203910624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705170338947974,0.07939008253547729,0.0,0.2062548960612331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274711697263998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501204849570551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033209099402193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221730249939483,0.0,0.0,0.10358089408534572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244375120497228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206993954273353,0.0,0.09327767364167257,0.0,0.10500849235406944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742155084432128,0.0,0.06239385542886058,0.0,0.0,0.10456598956736828,0.0,0.08317496379229344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160442877997823,0.0,0.0,0.16113262239388876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497957888739873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344825877062251,0.1065345347080596,0.0,0.09179381802327076,0.0,0.07322906514831005,0.0,0.0,0.08966840947423699,0.0,0.0,0.19411511819456834,0.12481381575131945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612494375586266,0.1059380036877412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726704665576424,0.0,0.057446209033316036,0.07730777187929919,0.07812455009718022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180972287449234,0.0,0.0,0.20756025492414465,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lugnuttss,2018/01/15,"I have 180 10 mg diazapam/vallies/blues depending where you live How many to kill myself?

Internet is not providing proper answers.",6.231739130434782,8.980478478260874,6.851521739130432,66.42336956521743,68.56521739130434,11.556521739130435,37.58695652173913,11.20814326018867,5.66388695652174,107,6,15,4,2,35,23,23,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354133691441516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071457624607165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822825997151354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cynical0wl,2018/01/15,People have been urging me to take therapy before I kill myself but I won't because I'm pretty sure it's b******* For the last 10 years people have been telling me that I should get therapy before I do something terrible to myself. But I've met someone who took therapy. She constantly reminds herself how beautiful she is and how she has worth. But the truth is she looks like a fucking morbidly obese frog. She sits in her room all day and only briefly comes out to make everyone else miserable. She's cruel to animals and people alike. Everyone still avoids her at all cost. One day someone will find her lonely decomposing body sitting in front of her computer. Now she's so self-important that she post dozens of Facebook pictures of her in front of a river meditating. It looks like therapy just made her delusional. Therapy didn't help her why would it help me?,2.4770000000000003,5.308233230303036,3.7899242424242447,82.58488636363639,83.36363636363637,7.663636363636362,26.431818181818183,8.548686976883017,2.5160363636363634,693,30,124,18,20,226,105,165,0.166,0.727,0.107,-0.8983,0,3,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,3,2,4,0,13,3,1,4,4,21,24,9,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,5,1,1,1,0,2,4,2,7,0,2,6,2,25,4,14,14,2,20,0,2,2,1,21,6,1,0,9,78,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710671813766109,0.0,0.19840504517973398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949609497949266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042489525564367,0.0,0.1259835061122432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037122898402644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738913194203258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227978060686948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065536503984636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777799275022,0.06090917719501478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628464217734248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898048534758738,0.0,0.0,0.09502972451820328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139119544779898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579869520422846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031251514904188,0.07781925476837928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899884280618595,0.08866570999363617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424694170627977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116531353384834,0.11860559945911955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162023981365655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755875654764984,0.08975036300001693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310237367711956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987696398133062,0.0,0.0876550025585337,0.0,0.1018976291265969,0.0,0.6666072253554784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952666606493513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519693865177827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281636369192255,0.0,0.0,0.07507485498208957
suicidewatch,KurNeko,2018/01/15,"Aparently, very few people like me.. I'll just go straight to the point. 
My whole life long many people didn't care about me. I was never bullied or such, but it was always obvious the majority of the people didn't like me.. and the ones that did would eventually stop caring too. 

So, right now I actually have a decent friend group, but it's pretty obvious at least half of them don't really care about me. I mean, one of them shit talks me behind my back (I don't care tho, he has been a dick for 5 years now) and the others mute me in group chats and barely talk to me when I see them in real life (it hasn't always been like that and I don't know why they act like that now) 

There's more tho.. 
I've thought this was the case for 2 years now, but now I am actually 100% convinced! YEY 
Why though? Well, they've shit talked me, I never get invited for anything (even if the whole class gets invited), I was in a group and they made me switch because they didn't want me in the group, etc. There's much more, but I don't wanna make it too long. 

Anyway, I'm already getting a lot of help (psychologist, psychiatrist, have been admitted in a psychiatric hospital for a month, some extra help at school,..), but I don't feel any of it is really paying off because my biggest problem is other people, and they can't change the way they think about me and all.. 

I also have Asperger, which makes life a FREAKING hell and this is also killing me..

So, I've always been suicidal and really depressed (for many different reasons), but this is pushing me to do another suicide attempt.. I even already knotted my rope, all I have to do is hang myself now.. 

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suicidewatch,Thumpasaur,2018/01/15,"A friend of mine has been having dark thoughts since losing his job some time ago. A friend that I've met through World of Warcraft back in 2005 has been struggling ever since losing his job a few months ago.

He was a shoe sales rep for 10 years (he's 32 now) and suddenly lost his job due to downsizing. It was a great paying job that he was good at. Now, he's in a position where he's trying to find a new sales job, but there's nothing that pays enough to make ends meet. He has been forced to live with his parents as a result and is telling me that he thinks about suicide almost every day because he feels like he has no purpose. He wants to get out sales but it's all he knows. It sounds like he has lost the drive to go back to school to learn something new, or life itself.

I'm very concerned for him. Any suggestions on what I could tell him? ",4.310178753830442,4.403693398876406,4.310796731358529,92.97787027579164,70.06741573033706,7.371603677221656,25.170582226762004,6.574015621080383,0.583802247191012,667,16,155,4,11,205,110,178,0.124,0.794,0.08199999999999999,-0.8381,7,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,0,1,9,0,14,2,1,2,2,21,26,6,1,2,3,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,0,5,2,1,5,0,0,10,2,9,6,21,15,4,25,0,4,0,0,26,7,0,3,18,79,18,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044945964982436,0.0,0.11550238987059587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843925749874361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738795824700507,0.0,0.07031387082205541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209442117648066,0.0,0.0,0.07438864863730417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216234829792713,0.11918328553295705,0.0,0.0,0.1043370901008566,0.09718400723311406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832241980346031,0.08240322868072274,0.0,0.0,0.10542418405525507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782321171961062,0.0,0.060263541260656535,0.0,0.06555380843243927,0.09674677952374786,0.0,0.12716940806243016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723156954649168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633911629145677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147231395751275,0.11270449027389297,0.0,0.1018526599539315,0.0,0.0,0.258085412038624,0.2518276403021377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699437238484977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206810269347283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228038339521434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106776291042622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280781188326993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673634294272772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908308601099068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879901113248177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058471750034215,0.0,0.12616983816008934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016350330122781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390908017123872,0.0,0.0915718655453615,0.06725919915161976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831238456979936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517255684415522,0.06803407849394605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427906317574191
suicidewatch,Anonymousostrich2018,2018/01/15,"How do you know if your situation is ""bad enough"" to call a crisis line? Can I call after I'm done having a suicidal crisis?  When I'm in panic mode I can't speak to anyone.  I want to call my school crisis line now that I feel better but I am not actively suicidal right now. ",1.4738983050847452,2.9190580847457634,4.212,85.88172881355933,78.32203389830508,7.4318644067796615,18.57966101694916,8.238735603445708,0.6842311864406776,213,4,47,4,5,76,42,59,0.362,0.591,0.047,-0.9672,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,12,4,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,8,1,5,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407848697533415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204736579158628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223895315920435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312157550483307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086586424834933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290995602078192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041876281548439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324247060226153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417612125188187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596989293714652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085387185864267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316145176007849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507815768576976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215366114072681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kiiillmeeeplease,2018/01/15,"TAKE THE PAIN AWAY - NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME - DEPRESSED I have a disfiguration on my face thats extrememely noticeable and gives me high insecurity as a result. 

its unremovable so I'm stuck with it

I hate myself. I get bullied at school, called names, picked on, sneers behind my back. I have to go the extra mile to cover it up but its STILL noticeable and it KILLS ME. as result my marks dropped, I studying for the SATs and really wanna excel but the constant reminder of this disfiguration makes me depressed and suicidal. 

I used to be top student now I'm average and I just want it to end. I wish I could be homeschooled so I don't have to face them everyday - the eyes. the sneers. laughs. embarrassment.

I'm not vain, I don't wanna look like a fucking supermodel I just wanna be NORMALLLL. 

I used to ask god why me why do I deserve this when I have such pure ambitions for life

PLEASE GOD DO ANYTHING WHYY then I realised he's not real and threw away faith

we've tried doctors but none of the ones around me (only in America) can fix this. 

my family aren't supportive too. I just pleaded with my mom to help by buying something to help cover this up and she said no AND MADE A MOCKERY OF MY MF DEPRESSION despite telling me she cared about my grade for senior yr. 

I went thru the whole of 2017 with this and I suffered as a result. I just wanna be good. do good for myself by acing this yr and enrolling for an American college. chances for that slim now and I just wanna die. its not worth it. 

I have dreams of studying engineering and starting my own company. my potential future is the only thing keeping me from just doing it. its all I. have. 

I just cried my eyes out before typing this idk what anyone could say but


someone help
",1.8678564871481032,4.364774723837211,3.479479804161567,86.24018359853123,82.28488372093022,6.411750305997553,23.296817625459,7.669130373188453,1.2695011627906974,1371,49,270,24,38,453,186,344,0.177,0.6709999999999999,0.152,-0.868,0,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,1,3,18,19,3,2,15,0,21,8,4,8,2,54,48,23,3,9,14,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,21,17,0,1,1,1,2,3,9,11,0,2,6,5,47,8,46,36,5,29,1,4,3,1,15,13,1,0,13,195,68,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975951519343563,0.0,0.0938688536806502,0.10154536252013152,0.10663887369197987,0.0,0.214342672166017,0.08771181996753635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706409612570407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647693712416685,0.0,0.11630068264757028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326778420835313,0.0,0.18214921396181796,0.0,0.12529915456411858,0.0,0.0,0.29474171568048657,0.0,0.11838534292190635,0.0,0.0,0.11675418883068593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010310461873735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753385615361596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545471199148078,0.059596208602848026,0.10942512940264704,0.06482789362067147,0.19135089420691664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261926496245388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293736157394197,0.1205198865506018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013895371969685,0.12620016004912535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057012443008496,0.055728224498032164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957890125998264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793459979402267,0.07614176966544363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359592957348645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25973603291890396,0.0,0.0,0.15459186060541286,0.1735088337109521,0.12137718173586412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521322224981896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983519887225933,0.07307535569990711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850549315757596,0.09071204038094377,0.0,0.11544365465443295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665007318057033,0.08781568889701112,0.0,0.0,0.08073844123515776,0.0,0.09109544306134636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477268738412572,0.12944385430344646,0.0,0.0,0.08576549640189708,0.0,0.09970110648714103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075782202223267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744518674768258,0.0,0.0,0.11874958112336932,0.0,0.19703753382862726,0.0,0.0,0.06728069823329152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574286472631056,0.20585859106911428,0.1273536745087967,0.13117342146222094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thewaddle34,2018/01/15,"I think about it all the time I don't think I actually want to kill myself. I mean, I'm scared shitless of dying. The anxiety and panic attacks just keep getting worse and I'm too terrified to open up to anyone about it. I even tried calling my schools free counseling center, but I got their voicemail. They called back, but I just couldn't bring myself to pick up.

The thoughts and images just wont go away. I keep seeing these horrible thoughts like my family, friends, and girlfriend being raped and murdered and I keep getting these panic attacks and I don't know how to stop it.

I probably won't kill myself, not for a while at least. I wish I could, though.",2.9042875318066166,5.053199167938935,3.620171755725192,88.55152989821886,76.40458015267177,6.504071246819338,25.4204834605598,7.492282038375204,1.2693506361323157,525,19,104,7,12,166,79,131,0.328,0.5870000000000001,0.085,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,0,10,12,6,3,4,0,7,1,0,2,1,31,26,12,4,4,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,4,6,0,1,2,6,9,0,0,3,1,20,4,13,18,2,12,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,5,70,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.13672683786091575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718352267911327,0.0,0.0,0.09796794686056427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31878997868365205,0.13163765768751776,0.10773569644678832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28613529956864164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186617967039494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541172869864105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925411230769532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208293806474958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824839219678144,0.0,0.1464030513057943,0.0,0.07962756069804901,0.0,0.1120585113794222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736077671074152,0.31002120671127065,0.0,0.0770006166445977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845051305811027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526205174701539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287770453203607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106193377914015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027423328884273,0.14179847755024522,0.11164927591542244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171379672430043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955325276143666,0.13765705047800794,0.22246287305982326,0.08169908188427251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951252765454106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264032013328043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611192188438341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427837351252363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BAJJAB001,2018/01/15,"Anyone else find the concept of suicide peaceful? I'm not happy with who I am, I try to be a nice person but I just have everything blow up in my face for being a pushover. Certain experiences and friendships have left me untrusting of anyone I meet due to fear of being betrayed. I don't like going out because I get anxious due to not knowing how to socialise but I feel the same when I stay at home, not sure how I can ever escape this. I tried to kill myself a month ago and I'm annoyed that I'm still here experiencing the same bullshit as before. I've been able to put my mental health aside so I can focus on my university work but right now I feel a constant agony inside, it feels like the only thing which will rid me of this pain is ending my life.",3.676363636363636,4.559518732484076,5.008210770121597,84.57748118123914,71.86624203821657,6.982976259409381,26.37463810075275,6.980632752743323,1.135412738853503,599,19,123,5,11,200,107,157,0.274,0.659,0.068,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,1,8,0,12,4,1,2,3,23,21,10,2,0,7,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,4,19,6,18,16,2,20,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,12,83,26,1,0.16249133493910453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403876425738613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356895716154653,0.0,0.22723543900228604,0.16649157498268072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905320958883458,0.0,0.13826815798085335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559540696487042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357406599089305,0.0,0.14391909277262968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698271525690926,0.0,0.0,0.14603673434150627,0.1589477052130448,0.0,0.1828479270866678,0.2464815037906319,0.1160838421478002,0.0,0.0,0.1485141363556039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489501592315693,0.0,0.09234757026017623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297504755677245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727206906028874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629920576775535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977258701593732,0.0,0.0893009881670042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654731085456646,0.0,0.11477243530716688,0.15877011699377175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375304724876394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969903329063126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358198236117103,0.17290223686614967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418811660858616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334867202166006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876671220042502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731941428850228,0.12976578998098307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773914701252033,0.0,0.15314616017414645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795202270851673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220641900424591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829562709812695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SubZeroNexii,2018/01/15,It feels closer and closer I a having very bad anxiety right now. I feel like throwing and yelling and just wanting to die. I am a piece of shit anyway. I feel trapped as my parents are here and I feel like I can't do anything to worry them. Every single time I feel like this it gets worse and worse and I'm afraid the time where I'll actually try a sucide method is close. I hate myself so much. And to make things even worse I feel like I'm trans . Yes those I might be one of those retards in a skirt hahaha everyone will hate me . I just want to not die but die at the same time I'm scared  I don't know thatto do please help me,0.3776016684045905,2.2916395912408767,2.093581856100105,97.48206204379564,83.74452554744525,5.082168925964547,17.084984358706986,6.18269132825596,-0.5436460896767468,492,10,118,4,14,161,84,137,0.242,0.63,0.129,-0.9476,1,1,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,3,2,6,1,11,1,1,1,0,24,27,10,3,2,4,1,6,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,7,17,4,9,24,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,8,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.12105520813608504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489814764733816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208283539942263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357682730652988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862339104400617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193405984144365,0.0,0.1045177364628158,0.11853538731167115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763413843351836,0.3544862651435226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481116701319932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449479979179929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314830795795795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817480620740099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424188618682313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280454522457309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159777545471554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911912512980908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405970053688812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377431889456811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616998882553152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593828698300656,0.0,0.0,0.12419600111123988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273358606150908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824135138805707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700420012832344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422201764748839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235449739039366,0.14633617379996006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597911140074594,0.3792535915651583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clawdeeya,2018/01/15,"i don't even know anymore i recently started seeing a psychologist, but it's not getting any better. i feel like a massive burden to everyone and there is nothing i genuinely look forward to. i'm reading a lot about all kinds of overdose and i think the time has come to go.",4.199363636363636,5.459891436363634,5.863409090909091,77.51511363636364,71.0,8.40909090909091,35.56818181818181,8.841846274778883,3.28290909090909,219,12,40,4,4,75,45,55,0.136,0.8009999999999999,0.063,-0.5732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,13,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,3,5,13,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,5,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496343479334126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697423180870884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405542326830709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342964513603175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964771156879233,0.0,0.0,0.2598993765434165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752699141090155,0.19431066408413894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421042465191593,0.0,0.15457894373417388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28323712026816905,0.14947932453861534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288122747736278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840421864793065,0.0,0.0,0.2312373065311203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609830215977721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27206493973723384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26855863005228786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216741879173428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925168668582924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428106495153542,0.0,0.0,0.158600334746058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alexhjones95,2018/01/15,"No one in my life understands depression If I try to talk about how I feel, they blow me off and tell me I have no reason to be depressed. No one in real life understands me and that's why I'm here",2.388333333333332,2.761359954545455,4.343636363636366,90.0437878787879,74.45454545454545,8.593939393939394,23.75757575757576,8.841846274778883,1.2515848484848484,154,4,38,3,3,53,31,44,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.0,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,9,6,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,8,0,6,5,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250002266862153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247493614504861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485321485748856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343685622314543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28082208600077,0.0,0.2536698944232577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830469328070768,0.21564470146381834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750710964444146,0.0,0.0,0.5136897447292665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226269897044067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,if_0nly_U_kn3w,2018/01/15,"All ready to go but haven’t found the right time? I have all these suicide notes/letters all ready and in envelopes with names and addresses and stamps, etc. I’ve had them for over a year now. But when it comes down to doing the deed, I somehow can’t. And I don’t know why. It should be so easy, and yet it’s not. I have these stupid hopes for a future I know will never come, that can’t possibly ever come. And yet I deluded myself into thinking it might so I can throw myself into some more suffering, I guess. 

I wish I could just end it all right now. I don’t understand why I can’t. ",0.9227333333333334,2.7614747600000022,2.443700000000004,96.09568333333335,81.4,5.766666666666668,18.416666666666664,6.816661863887847,-0.12085333333333324,455,10,107,5,12,148,75,125,0.086,0.7440000000000001,0.17,0.8619,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,10,3,1,0,4,0,16,0,0,0,6,36,28,11,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,12,0,0,5,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,2,0,15,1,10,21,7,23,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,5,11,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796422355319295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148189073670066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643893687025506,0.0,0.20699665951928306,0.0,0.16788874433389445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350435786730786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548259083503547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044628790574311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434588273405847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400535865634092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689569265765966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314865033519827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923975045583687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170082825854876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301980514342685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189270531967858,0.0,0.0,0.10822673394047504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932195044121268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334956086321093,0.0,0.2134345506502638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952239261051563
suicidewatch,neledam,2018/01/15,"I am so isolated I have been struggling for a long time, some times more than others. I somehow always convice myself that there will one day be something that is worth it. Some day i will find happiness. But after all this time of convincing myself that it will get better it just never seems to be ”my time”. 

I have moved across the country and i am fully self-providing. I am the first one in my family to have a bachelors degree with perfect grades, and my family members dont even know in what subject. They dont even talk to me anymore since i moved three years ago and if i write them over facebook the messages are read but not answered. 

My boyfriend doesnt seem to care at all anymore. He has barely paid rent since he moved in and i am pretty sure that he is over me and just wants to live here until he finds a new apartment and/or a hotter girlfriend

I have tried so hard to have something. Have a friend who i can talk to, have a family member who cares about what i do, who are proud of what i have accomplished or at least know if someone would notice if i would disappear. Right now i dont think that anyone would notice except for my landlord who would be nagging about my rent. Why cant just someone talk to me? Why cant someone just acknowledge my existence?

I have contemplated my own suicide for years but i was always so worried that my suicide would cause my family inconvenience.. and even though i feel like i want to, i dont want them to go through that.. 

Im sorry for this post, it probably makes no sense. I just needed to vent.",4.557302097687952,5.399338434083604,4.983141938447403,85.71330117899252,69.80385852090032,7.981687337314348,27.02817332720869,8.11559375814309,1.5527922523350175,1227,38,250,16,21,390,157,311,0.11,0.767,0.123,0.2669,2,0,2,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,3,5,18,12,1,1,9,0,40,0,0,2,5,51,56,18,2,12,14,0,2,1,2,8,0,0,3,0,21,7,0,0,10,1,4,5,10,2,0,4,3,2,40,10,33,42,7,32,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,9,17,186,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208270257370965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532468241013196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128942487682882,0.05685880689221545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191836660314613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658164054797382,0.08353506131375972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488560434170777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812121413583277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112753248091044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066340985942673,0.0,0.0411163689609566,0.0580929523402535,0.0,0.0,0.14864471205519106,0.06916828354331554,0.0,0.0,0.06282538958451077,0.0,0.04248482840247268,0.0,0.04621438176582866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656356481528714,0.07284414910862841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783642186114038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937950284102697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03972742747363673,0.0,0.0718044889158085,0.07196307441716418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427979554965149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928162414390155,0.0,0.06029559913149678,0.06271676040077563,0.07853656169928425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851601141615457,0.0,0.0,0.11020514264603863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787930347943972,0.08272872451485884,0.08767358709412988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813391053553565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944435891438773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805606719026793,0.08483146968489468,0.0,0.0,0.1345326905134704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669914431268346,0.12520375242985346,0.0,0.09102783568957526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501028853920471,0.0,0.177895417748995,0.0,0.07664040420683227,0.0,0.0,0.1960788137305645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052104714106962935,0.07989363767744401,0.0,0.1896666192970533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520897296502699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143888796934475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675206899534482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258146206604584,0.0,0.28882667295791936,0.0,0.0,0.10473109236207677
suicidewatch,ThrowThisAway1683,2018/01/15,"I don't deserve to live, but I don't know whether I want to die. Things are finally looking up, but mistakes from my past keep coming back to haunt me. I may be a different and better person now, but does that absolve me of horrible things I've done in the past? I don't know, probably not, but even if it does absolve me I'd never forgive myself anyway.

Everything I read about deserving to live seems to apply to better people, people who haven't done horrible things in the past. People who are actually decent, not people like me who always try and always fail to be better. I really *don't* deserve to live I don't think.

My dog is staring at me lovingly as I type this, and I feel like crumbling because I don't think I deserve even *her* love, even though I love her more than anything in the world.

I'm terrified.",3.2271455050973117,4.69310807228916,4.815301204819281,83.28266450417055,73.69879518072291,7.7582947173308625,26.62465245597776,8.384062270229773,1.837545505097312,644,23,127,11,13,217,89,166,0.206,0.62,0.174,-0.6409,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,0,0,4,0,15,3,0,0,1,24,29,11,1,3,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,1,7,1,0,1,10,2,0,0,2,3,23,9,18,24,1,14,0,1,2,3,10,6,0,3,9,89,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.11244919175333927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917634564780572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482559659597546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860580832526914,0.0,0.07024397171302313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057383394910402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926161928721697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959196613799696,0.1203922526465449,0.0,0.0,0.20167949137965613,0.2358433915948163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832769316003515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035625223930488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058264441411242575,0.08232131152556081,0.0,0.1262303299556569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242293344713813,0.0,0.0,0.12665629135666376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259245059577573,0.0,0.3052542242826984,0.0,0.09676532642041134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31200242263464145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888735339286369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300041351724153,0.31954768325806193,0.1006155848812537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242389030852922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526255012742732,0.0,0.07382016429305999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490230862284854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296637997186749,0.1476712141199764,0.11321423290098274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823453412800709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796644572938677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpeshulSnek,2018/01/15,"Does anyone else feel a sense of calm and peace when thinking about suicide? I do, and it scares me. I used to feel panicked and anxious when thinking about suicide and, which would end up in a decent crying session.

For a while now however, I just feel calm and relieved when thinking about it. It's nice to feel that there's always a solution available if things go badly wrong, or if I'm too stressed, when all my life I've only heard to just suck it up and keep moving on to fuck things up all over again.

I just want to know if anyone else has had this, because thinking like that scares me. I don't want to end it, I know my family cares about me, and I don't want them to suffer.

I've had these thoughts for a long time now. The difference is that I don't think negatively about suicide now.

Thank you for taking the time for reading, please share your thoughts/experience if you can and want to. It would help me feel I'm not alone.",4.674062500000002,4.95066828125,4.785416666666666,89.25125,69.3125,7.65,27.458333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.1319708333333334,738,22,162,6,12,230,99,192,0.203,0.625,0.172,-0.932,1,1,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,3,1,0,18,16,2,3,7,0,11,2,0,1,2,40,39,18,3,10,9,0,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,14,8,0,1,13,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,4,6,18,8,24,33,2,22,0,1,0,1,7,6,2,5,15,105,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678901765232805,0.0,0.0,0.09382829690507773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739070106196002,0.0,0.15769377528875206,0.23107914089514126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941528440842277,0.06873960612443994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149699422750743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386545151249193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178138967023024,0.0,0.0,0.09868013199376577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839893297638716,0.0,0.19975004933292828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030437777919194,0.10630342791763192,0.0,0.2850831648608778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424807382287904,0.0,0.0,0.06408611727558909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558302256029246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100229413735737,0.0,0.0,0.1239437829143314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964822169524853,0.05509056875484293,0.0,0.0,0.09979218265817764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984979521805893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857617519598471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378050245639285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127940534032892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257919465693837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917025177754446,0.0,0.0,0.370035024889646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478414697185961,0.0,0.0,0.10381751552063948,0.0,0.0,0.14983016809091854,0.3612716097544872,0.0,0.08952165335340755,0.1315066516428332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739149149686244,0.0,0.0,0.2660434252324597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602079640860693,0.12328922687361547,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Toby-Beasley,2018/01/15,"F**k my life Long story short, I tried to slit my wrists last night but it didn’t work. One of my teachers spotted the marks and said that she had to tell the safeguarding person “to keep me safe”. The safeguarder is legally obliged to tell my parents, and they’ve spent the past hour shouting me down about it, saying horrible shit. It’s making it feel a lot worse than before, and I don’t think I can deal with this. 

Sorry, I didn’t know where else to go so i came here to vent a little bit about it",2.823076923076921,4.085766692307693,3.2088461538461566,95.21115384615385,74.38461538461539,5.9692307692307685,21.653846153846153,5.985473137389443,-0.005246153846154567,392,9,89,2,8,121,76,104,0.142,0.784,0.075,-0.8505,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,6,0,6,3,2,1,0,13,15,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,7,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,6,4,12,1,12,9,2,11,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,5,52,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906927665684285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691637860955332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272467090918942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048391157931184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597874390503792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046287389114224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291925149582882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566814657419454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660346511921102,0.0,0.0,0.10919400167482801,0.16195764347259434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033956118959814,0.0,0.19913807111021886,0.0,0.17583306728411668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689178547908078,0.0,0.0,0.13262611443923455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864556946960884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463646751391944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220620062471084,0.0,0.18967065224442167,0.0,0.1734871316119486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889982596416241,0.1580050674083505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395088670982456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241550527356324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473250074638868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273115660439888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489644705523007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464759202127692,0.0,0.20248055264758855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2645783,2018/01/15,"Finished an outpatient program and feel hopeless My life has been falling apart since November, and I really don't think I can keep going much longer. I was in an adult partial hospitalization program for the last three weeks and felt like I was making a little progress, but now I'm out and I feel as terrible as ever. I've been trying to make more of an effort; I've been talking to friends and hanging out with some of the new people I met in outpatient but I still just want to be dead. I've been on Zoloft, Seroquel and Vistaril for about a month now but it doesn't feel like it's doing anything except making me tired all the time. I don't think I can overdose on any of them and that makes me sad. I have a psychiatrist appointment in 2 weeks and I know my meds will not get changed again until then.

Right now the only thing that is keeping me going is that I don't have an easy way to kill myself and I don't want to leave a mess for the people in my life. I'm supposed to recite a mantra when I want to research suicide methods but that isn't making these feelings go away. I don't feel like I can tell anyone how I feel because they all keep saying that I'm doing better and they seem so happy about it. I'm supposed to drive out to see a friend tonight and I'll keep those plans, but I don't know what I can do past that. I have an intake appointment for another program tomorrow but I know that won't help either. I don't want to do this anymore and I can't imagine a scenario in which I will be okay.

I don't want people to like me. I don't want people to tell me that my life is precious because I know it isn't.  I don't want to rebuild my life because I don't want anything. All I want is to be done and I wish I knew how to do it.",3.0373649754500818,3.6710196595744686,4.392021276595745,89.33153846153849,73.14893617021276,7.061211129296236,25.89770867430443,7.010146845296331,0.9477830605564646,1376,43,310,12,26,457,162,376,0.115,0.7340000000000001,0.151,0.6048,0,0,1,0,0,4,21.0,0,0,3,4,13,15,1,0,17,1,45,6,0,7,4,69,89,27,3,10,10,0,7,4,2,3,6,1,0,1,19,17,0,4,16,0,0,6,17,5,0,1,10,9,46,10,40,73,7,40,0,2,1,0,12,14,0,2,23,207,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058232551013972365,0.08979239414031022,0.0,0.0,0.08492372190310891,0.05987573590698288,0.0,0.140935327383645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045388190414741,0.0,0.0,0.15660102607552556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573435604715638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058707536601694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876310479418996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745885307551363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25978802411670304,0.12235073025628974,0.08221994355129066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323178111051956,0.0,0.04473907393628783,0.0,0.1459995523452017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115662866215964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057397181208767724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044538642550094,0.09473888395879193,0.0,0.18824396079051225,0.06980133482599295,0.0,0.09067169726796122,0.0,0.0,0.2419370519326104,0.16734146111679726,0.08582554598924429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28579941094938105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951176100967303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683504747217065,0.0,0.06294921573217467,0.0,0.0,0.08270371265902557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512683207520681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174522930878299,0.23746519384709905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485791492820635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312907747905782,0.0,0.06809783334640901,0.0,0.0,0.06823744676850721,0.07795596199649325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083549838910934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838565502614387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366727543538672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882758602457377,0.14969191091947234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056889953703521914,0.10973878179650974,0.0,0.0,0.04993258313056264,0.09842114122280617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813836177069509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545706149737194,0.06797052600602896,0.13737730722288768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847232800298804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway88888888820,2018/01/15,"I’m ending it in about an hour I’m going to be taking a mixture of psychotic medications and antidepressants. My life went down the drain when I️ was six,and has only gotten worse.
I️ don’t deserve to exist,I’m not even supposed to exist,I️ was born of a crime.I️ am nothing.never have been,never will be. I’ve gone to therapy for quite awhile,it doesn’t work.it will never get better.
I’ve left a note for my friends for when they discover my body.I️ don’t think they’ll miss me.",2.9063999999999983,4.410841439999999,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,74.6,7.4,23.5,8.07648339933343,1.154,384,11,81,6,8,128,69,100,0.081,0.884,0.035,-0.4599,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,0,5,0,13,2,0,0,1,4,23,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,0,6,2,12,13,0,12,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374248896012929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377697036698459,0.0,0.0,0.17731069460141385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740614520030207,0.0,0.14025562828544114,0.0,0.15256804356098758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437215899480315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29167500278727204,0.0,0.18961631432435966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704381852279078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070475264889218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041706264183453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28553284214652425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018432693130409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069994359388575,0.0,0.0,0.17201386208917913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488586485044008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954370032404026,0.0,0.2735765723502982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,autecker,2018/01/15,"What doth life? Why is everyone quiet? They see my snapchat stories, they just never say anything. At least they are able to go to school, they have friends. they're not useless and they enjoy things. They are so privileged, yet they joke insensitively about suicide or depression.

I am eroding away and becoming nothing..literal. A dissappointment and completely useless. I will NOT be missed. my body is fucking done for. i havent brushed my teeth in ages, my stomach is screwed and my skin is dry, I'm short and weak and tremble constantly. 

I've tried to talk to hundreds of people but no one remains, every one leaves, that is of the few who ever respond. There is no one out there.

",3.4369831730769245,6.091731953125006,3.8296875000000017,85.14271634615385,77.125,6.750961538461539,30.15865384615385,7.882392219407189,2.2116675480769232,542,26,100,9,13,169,91,128,0.124,0.78,0.096,-0.6969,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,7,0,7,12,2,1,2,0,14,8,4,0,2,14,19,9,1,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,3,1,5,15,4,12,16,2,11,0,4,1,2,12,5,2,1,5,71,19,1,0.19625108713776387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149792303805388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438435655667235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674390707881447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799071616940785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205765531030762,0.2120777057199294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903077378222106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083299906404053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775203439028857,0.16535000515354895,0.18752632391570945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162310310076607,0.1814309677109752,0.0,0.0,0.11153401542846908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078015648588931,0.0,0.0,0.13861794667956526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136093689639946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39895444698781335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605579350499214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606674143381336,0.0,0.19861657752891548,0.15638670773489155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466683648834686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577391899822778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130380501970807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324160590684989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708608123790895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brok3nstring,2018/01/15,"I'm so alone I don't know what to do with myself. I go from extreme anxiety to nothingness. Like, I don't know what the point is. I don't want to die because I'm scared of dying but I don't particularly want to live either. ",-0.7783333333333324,1.2282009000000012,2.5280000000000022,91.78066666666668,90.0,5.7333333333333325,18.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.2295333333333333,175,5,42,3,6,63,30,50,0.171,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.145,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,13,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,13,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296823368840208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924245635789166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470411064972718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948754768693546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287710615271042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150074547330342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001460529289436,0.0,0.2530664030656552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709225205624425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869290605612725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380793302430546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pitifulthrowaway1,2018/01/15,"Tonight The semester starts tomorrow morning 

I can’t panic anymore 

I can’t cry anymore 

I can’t lose my mind anymore

I’m swallowing all the pills in my room",0.6099999999999994,3.0955875000000006,2.7622500000000016,86.65775000000002,95.875,6.3100000000000005,31.4,7.554174236665415,2.7991425000000008,128,8,24,3,5,43,21,32,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7893378541140754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914265773743795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968099528193783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26788379210129365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112798486669295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877852063212763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,namihasagun,2018/01/15,"Im killing myself after school today I guess i should explain why...
Im a extremely depressed 16 year old girl who has no friends and who has attempted several times before.I have been admitted 4 times in the last 3 months and i cant take getting admitted anymore. I literally have no one to talk to at home because my mom believes if i have devices im gonna get my self killed or some shit. I literally sit it emotional agony all day not having anyone to talk to. The last straw for me was my mom making me break up with my boyfriend who i deeply loved. Now im completely alone. My guidance counselor thinks im faking it so i cant go to her. I think ill just give my cat a hug when i get home and end it. There is no point in living anymore. Its not like i can call a help line since im restricted everywhere except school computers. I believe once you die....thats it you die eternally and never wake up(since im a sinner). So i hope you all can forgive me....and to brandon if he ever finds this...im sorry...",1.4937142857142869,3.4448007047619065,3.5078571428571443,88.61464285714287,80.04761904761905,6.866666666666667,24.785714285714285,7.908726449838941,1.3918857142857148,788,30,169,14,20,267,133,210,0.192,0.7040000000000001,0.104,-0.9648,0,1,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,3,0,1,7,11,3,0,6,0,14,5,2,1,4,29,30,10,3,4,7,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,2,8,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,2,0,26,6,14,26,3,24,0,1,0,2,23,5,1,6,17,92,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518448585775666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631365249374167,0.05750995873143721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013783079507215,0.0,0.0,0.1853314506169296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398476132821768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862358301977056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053043381552553316,0.0,0.07084038338710485,0.0,0.17072160404521158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251832349238273,0.07284762554960937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743983414362968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517350190046627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354487123060522,0.0,0.1289141046928778,0.07890011192854314,0.046743632753144686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060583035221367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512933532449652,0.0,0.16500360246174164,0.08169116983058608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7107386556214058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199122646932286,0.0,0.0,0.13408676568011685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018238931474686,0.0,0.07262679996272406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423234711925243,0.0,0.05490141233404406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192656547067165,0.06564984832296747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343499801632056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630580772642278,0.08759180851828191,0.05573361060477647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775127582297338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664794425813949,0.0,0.0,0.08580296681134543,0.09291722450587736,0.0844267493961773,0.13607337020148005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920702941207204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184052331175996,0.1322162165324154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540284335143267,0.0,0.0,0.09591934868754803,0.0,0.07796181880986032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742163430167824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296524082064405
suicidewatch,unvorty,2018/01/15,"i am the problem..and tonight i will fix that problem i am just a monster, to broken better dead and locked away.

i keep hurting others without meaning to, it just keeps happening and i never learn, i dont want to be all alone again but if i keep living i will be, it seems my only fate is death, that will solve it no more me no more problem...me the problem will be gone....i`ll wright this worng..tonight, goodbye world may you be better off without me ",0.07813545150501966,2.4512944891304365,1.4069565217391329,97.5801839464883,93.2391304347826,3.265551839464884,21.207357859531765,4.713530739802397,-0.2789123745819397,351,13,74,1,13,111,58,92,0.248,0.66,0.092,-0.9362,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,0,2,20,20,4,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,12,2,7,11,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761873839897004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205519289972638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862708882489182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896767534364905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311569327376827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325441798059926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315558487922021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290879919183874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629257943398394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482195825648244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308757240504467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194409214076673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733420636163816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545816934079822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312018402010148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InASolitaryShell,2018/01/15,"I've been left alone. I've destroyed my social life. Family is financially very unstable. As I grew up, I became more aware how much we were suffering ( still are).
The events that I had to go through while growing up had a big impact on my mental and physical health.
I don't really eat   properly and keep myself isolated.
All my 'friends' are from rich and upper middle class families so this in a way created a barrier between us.
I never opened to any single one of them.
Even my closest of closest friends.....People I had been friends for 9 years.
I hung around with them for years  in school and college but I didn't go out with them a lot  for parties and dinners( in fact i went for a dinner with them only once in 6-9months) as I didn't really have any money to spend.
College got over and I stopped seeing them everyday.
Things took a turn from the bad to the worst and my family  really really really started living at the edge.... Just barely surviving.
Things were really really bad and got worse when you couldn't think that they could get any worse.
And while all of this was happening with me, my college ' friends'  were hanging out with each other, partying and getting out for lunch almost everyday.
They kept on telling me  to come and meet them but I couldn't and I didn't want to tell them about my situation.
This went on for months and eventually all of them stopped talking to me.
I guess they got busy with their higher studies but ALL of them stopped talking to me.
No one called me or sent me a text for MONTHS  ( except one guy).
I did the same.... Didn't call/ message anyone ENTIRELY for the reason that I was depressed and suicidal.
Recently I started living a more ' positive' life.
I found myself something to pursue as a career and being busy made me feel better...
I got back in touch with a few of my friends and they didn't really talk to me ...... I texted them and one of them replied with a ""no tooo busy"" and the others joked about me being unsuccessful...
Knowing that I've destroyed my relationships makes me feel even worse.
No one texts me or even wishes me on my birthday.
I remember that one night I decided to meet them up ( it was the night before my birthday)..... We hung out till 12am and no one wished me or remembered.
I felt anonymous and didn't know what to say to anyone.
The next evening one of them reminded everyone and even after that only 2 people wished me.......
",3.6312658511951534,5.384021353944561,4.570969027045226,84.273648019302,73.2004264392324,8.092492425092582,26.201380316462803,8.766177420268882,1.932949680170576,1881,65,370,37,38,610,214,469,0.145,0.7809999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9891,0,1,1,0,0,0,76.0,3,1,18,2,14,14,2,0,20,0,28,7,0,4,6,84,62,36,1,7,8,0,4,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,15,39,4,6,11,1,3,10,14,7,0,8,30,6,72,7,68,27,13,61,0,2,1,0,41,26,0,6,24,269,87,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786233158587843,0.07018976355959695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825872107997736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477337017499164,0.0,0.0,0.060330082300112865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052111304603251286,0.11317101552148905,0.0,0.0,0.057667674449326585,0.0,0.0,0.059937469259435834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384024445502951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058378255058624165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410920201815589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837060246762444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934610492871694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380876589830767,0.0,0.0,0.06475758384447608,0.0,0.0,0.19166388983573684,0.0,0.06853356707211841,0.0,0.06507027452705287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430681722144776,0.20943717355054425,0.0,0.07081454200474617,0.0,0.07703103441484481,0.0,0.21680892823723147,0.0,0.07465680805026241,0.06710341551560806,0.059929198659422186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203683553612854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023750343351024,0.0,0.0,0.0744897507686633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363280885447986,0.0,0.09573656772033677,0.0,0.0,0.11968512496479587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057616026112930485,0.0,0.06412605289889214,0.045237311841609264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829668925027964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818747768712167,0.0,0.04981908977351741,0.0,0.0522687607647703,0.0,0.07207465869777982,0.12719598159494305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217333376786324,0.3673841696671527,0.10308498544680544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396701509902708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347323963523112,0.06967932549511974,0.06691515860509747,0.07276011735575395,0.1535414522701775,0.0,0.0,0.05389379412288312,0.0,0.06858732898754467,0.054004286581418134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761768424811375,0.0,0.06908345484897357,0.0,0.05217301516204116,0.0,0.0,0.09593656832007902,0.0,0.05412158114031767,0.16997743068252585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412988945899142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634139987529727,0.11846874757257493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004737160905991,0.0434245777200558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529548055970793,0.0,0.07371480547973301,0.0,0.0,0.08151952541223935,0.0,0.0,0.05591773137915078,0.03997277631284071,0.05379304090863808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564780061370656,0.0,0.0,0.2337980716007867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071916818352628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872839154370409
suicidewatch,seasalticecreme,2018/01/15,I’m so tired of living I feel like I’m a burden on my family and I won’t accomplish anything in life. My university classes start today and I don’t want to go. I just want to end it quick and painlessly. I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I just want to be free.,-1.0517857142857174,0.8368375833333346,2.6995238095238108,90.97500000000002,89.83333333333334,6.095238095238094,18.57142857142857,7.447530270364453,0.4746428571428578,205,6,49,4,7,76,36,60,0.14800000000000002,0.591,0.261,0.4417,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,10,14,4,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,7,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629281817316647,0.0,0.0,0.21817148695517855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348179690179841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499319036628952,0.0,0.13405283252225988,0.18940205586214406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067402437353447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872623683131105,0.1295244282568027,0.0,0.23410615699352355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765357291615387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047168815233059,0.25130312506085023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.625499487908019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,king-nicholas,2018/01/15,"I'm done. Two days ago I lost my sister. I came home to see her in her living room chair with blood dripping from her arm. I held her, trying to somehow stop the blood from running, but there was nothing I could do. I held my sister as she passed, and there was nothing I could do. I'm supposed to be the big brother, right? Take care of her and make her feel safe, right? The one job I had to do I failed at. I see now what a horrible fucking person I've turned into, and I know what I have to do. It's not like there's anyone to take care of me here. I have no parents, no close family left. I'm a 19 year old guy with nothing left. So this is it. I'm putting my last words on a subreddit, hoping some miracle comes along. I'll be seeing my sister shortly. It's been a nice ride, as long as it lasted. ",-0.3262796992481221,1.5831408171428618,1.824962406015036,98.38345864661652,86.54285714285713,4.598496240601505,17.781954887218046,5.750287758089431,-0.5651714285714284,613,15,149,4,19,205,103,175,0.113,0.748,0.139,0.8269,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,0,7,0,16,4,3,1,0,25,38,8,0,3,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,7,10,0,4,2,0,0,6,3,3,0,2,9,4,24,6,20,25,1,27,0,2,3,1,14,12,1,3,10,91,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842240628924053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341154660545746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279515379348516,0.27241456047050155,0.0,0.0,0.11507880500788435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213326770453366,0.0,0.0,0.08615663125661177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671233588888865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593988054461966,0.0,0.06754879015882795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350485982853658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322783776549846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340049796714414,0.1326882975784989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325707436277178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734193878798245,0.21779275168661336,0.0,0.0,0.2902990383607129,0.0,0.0,0.06526694184778299,0.0,0.11796533781573962,0.11822587295111305,0.0,0.0,0.1458328760045091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917456993659073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384559143919308,0.0,0.1401837031114301,0.0,0.09052628239241982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833955796282194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664852292808765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429817247244938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817590884431896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31936970840522705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168998674599176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089108227040392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070108630556098,0.14531115596856356,0.13050124928455795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602970981932448
suicidewatch,shootingstar2,2018/01/15,"Last Night I looked at a train... 
And the thought came over me that this was the time. I could do it. I could park the car, run over, stick my head under the wheels and be done with it.

I kept making excuses. 
""The train is going too slow. I'm gonna feel that.""
""What about the car? ""
""Will it decapitate or just squish my neck?""
""How does the timing work?""
""It's not my designated date yet.""
""Do I call home first and say sorry?""",-0.8501515151515164,1.2785773181818172,0.8131818181818211,102.29393939393944,94.0,4.296969696969697,11.87878787878788,5.985473137389443,-1.372389393939394,316,4,80,3,12,101,64,88,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,8,0,9,2,2,2,0,15,18,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,3,9,0,6,8,0,17,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,8,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246376600673964,0.27596311573913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852891847894927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111481055621329,0.24691596058644635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199977639234295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052349304905728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712651150920827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24762564714534235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420262082701376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966775936561122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026166886677528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105806731056016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22642745701909886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187767725581106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700962142389712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155150211550329,0.2813877505246732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756566699595736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thetinytarot,2018/01/15,"How to enjoy anything again? So I have severe depression and anxiety and, as some of us are aware, depression literally prevents us from finding enjoyment in life. I've spent the past 18 years playing the ""let's try this anti-depressant"" game and out of those 18 years there was only one medicine whose effect only last for two years that made me feel ""normal"" in that I was able to wake up and be capable of being in a happy mood. All the other time I've just been in Limbo Land or the Valley of Desired Death.

My issue, or question really, is how does one find enjoyment when nothing brings enjoyment? I mean literally nothing brings me any sense of enjoyment. Everything that at one time made me even the slightest bit happy is gone. I do things nowadays not because I'm enjoying it but simply out of routine or the false hope that I'll actually enjoy it again.

Granted, my depression is at its worst and the various new meds I've tried have only made things worse in one area or another. I already have plans to kill myself that I've slowly been prepping for but I would like it if I didn't feel that that was the best option to me. My doctor, my family, and my life in general isn't helping any of this and quite literally none of it will even be possible to change for reasons that are a bit out of my control and that is its own story as to why.

So, long story short, how does one find enjoyment when all enjoyment is dead? Should I just force myself to do things that should be good for me for the possible and slim chance it might improve things? You know like eating healthy, exercising routinely, attempting to be social - all things I stopped even considering much less even doing what with the current prep work and future plans I've put my thought into.

Depression is the destroyer of hope. Any hope ""might"" help as I've none left at all and this is a first for me and it's not going away even after all these months.",5.864137336093863,6.213863833333335,6.334380032206122,78.92036231884059,66.75132275132276,9.854336323901542,30.455946629859675,9.761364909221204,2.717710466988728,1531,53,296,31,23,497,188,378,0.121,0.698,0.18,0.9703,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,2,1,0,9,17,27,2,0,14,0,34,6,1,9,5,66,51,29,3,9,11,0,2,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,31,17,1,3,11,3,1,5,6,7,0,7,12,2,27,19,45,27,16,43,0,4,0,0,9,19,0,13,21,210,58,2,0.07652533519309727,0.0,0.07467768823614954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444761030858948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611955629059684,0.08024348631685424,0.05854167196366604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297383048278647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189807147390707,0.0,0.0,0.046649134051230515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030861804716269,0.0,0.16709169228562992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809536577369593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582967050038648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32955579534071283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832692322623372,0.13393567304522594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830452247341323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25272131083707816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687760368894576,0.0,0.07214127543963046,0.0,0.07738701760536157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098283099794547,0.06509241102226293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349111151727875,0.06418582044003346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629252845917557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258663819019637,0.0,0.0,0.22802077424159714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987256803533258,0.0,0.0,0.08466394521948199,0.0,0.042056322911716175,0.06237836188280495,0.0,0.0,0.08314500059740902,0.0782523399850282,0.10810421473982652,0.07477282666272006,0.0,0.0,0.06772251353402904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172303673947167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833585241960311,0.08500239599761811,0.0,0.0,0.16236257488286665,0.0,0.0,0.06108179245684602,0.0,0.056254926484845966,0.0,0.0,0.0739086455890398,0.0,0.0,0.07497858062212392,0.14685624603496047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927773809041976,0.17460289733406809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305209146397727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254163457463806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692909830846965,0.08572588906197139,0.08139411366755847,0.0,0.0,0.049024089267896115,0.0786807898550825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645184669754351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800794216665989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639786067991113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542001616774832,0.0,0.0,0.060752568180429366,0.08924507670307781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391135868236633,0.0,0.07475413291755248,0.0,0.18410111184258499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905221225730146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571135543291815,0.0,0.0779858543040537,0.054361402502047435,0.0,0.0,0.14783942064805727
suicidewatch,GenaConnel,2018/01/15,"(19F) I want someone to kill me! I'm fat and ugly.. I'm poor and hopeless. I don't have friends because people hate me. I just want to die. Somebody kill me,please!",-2.243142857142857,-0.8867878857142841,0.18285714285714327,102.65714285714287,113.57142857142857,2.0,19.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.8955714285714285,124,5,29,0,7,41,24,35,0.5479999999999999,0.397,0.054000000000000006,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,7,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781280106805958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032670064354161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257600961542765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884960799129504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6465723510217855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258106051041647,0.0,0.0,0.32075794300721994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475878993277952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447051035288135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadnessinsolitude,2018/01/15,"No family. No friends. What is there to live for? I find it harder to have a reason to even wake up in the morning. I have nothing.

I have no career to hold onto and nothing interests me anymore. No family, no children, and a slew of heartbreaks over my whole life which probably helped break me down to nothing.

My mother died 7 years ago and I never knew my father. I have a sprinkle of family members, though I don't know any of them really. I've literally had nothing since I lost my mother and every day is just like another day where I wish I could go back but I get further from it.

I had 2 really close friends growing up. One got hit by a car, and though alive, she suffered from extreme brain damage that left her unable to communicate like before. While I can still attempt to do so, her mom has taken control of her and hasn't let me around her since. 

My other close friend broke up with me a few years back over me standing up for myself. She made some passive comment online about how I was a ""waste of space"" because of my quirks and I took it to heart. I even tried reconnecting with her on so many occasions and she told me to never contact her again.

My current relationship is an abusive one with someone who helped me be homeless not even a year ago, but I'm afraid to leave because I really have no other ties in this city.

The more and more I write about this, the more I question why I'm even here. Usually people always have at least a friend or something, but I literally have no one to turn to in my times of need.

I wish I had a purpose or whatever. Sadly, it's like if I have no one to make proud or to live for other than myself, then I see no point in living.

If I died tomorrow it would take a couple of months for anyone to even notice I'm missing. If a tree falls down in the forest but no one is around to hear it, does it even make a sound?

Anyway, not sure if anyone is actually reading this, but if you are, thank you.",3.348905322899647,4.361845004987533,4.692534181786916,86.0478802992519,72.76558603491272,7.4262963281451535,25.298907902657145,7.753152298057669,1.224004832745722,1521,46,321,19,29,506,203,401,0.095,0.75,0.156,0.972,1,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,2,1,4,24,19,0,1,17,0,27,4,3,6,3,53,52,29,2,10,16,4,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,1,17,16,0,2,5,1,0,5,16,8,0,5,11,3,53,11,55,36,7,52,0,7,1,0,31,25,0,10,23,239,70,2,0.0,0.09372401583905006,0.0771930314810204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402399175667641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581995967249969,0.0,0.0,0.053792692784997216,0.08294630045075885,0.0,0.0,0.07844883322038153,0.11062119075453647,0.0,0.0,0.14083672512721754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216505133528565,0.0,0.09644080202353753,0.0,0.06731075199553045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830501081151737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872064218151213,0.06315723865231535,0.08752586768138018,0.0,0.10202966857256904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641926680490059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922349144712134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134803644432235,0.0,0.06664761512804462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237135566576086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229862859275757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445885467244075,0.0,0.04132800672192015,0.0,0.04495600787589362,0.0,0.06326582499792249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915473096547955,0.09373733170863212,0.1060420291306568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043472891772358614,0.0,0.0,0.08375856235903878,0.08594554545273621,0.08088808701236316,0.05587272616992228,0.11593706163441833,0.0,0.20954796186046448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635017286950132,0.0,0.0,0.07484908806098041,0.1056036161468825,0.08019793718022088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264437461497113,0.06313918975542172,0.0,0.0,0.05865380701558087,0.12201808470853814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30360551032359306,0.09005918972070613,0.0,0.0,0.26801090220483104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483999926725619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477782025880768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852863182695629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861336510810584,0.0,0.07912431847519233,0.0,0.15202605311849365,0.08133096821407572,0.0,0.08492692416099391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303477945814473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086949263834402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702364072686663,0.06089728635610365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317168778746274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745535585132855,0.0,0.059475545423153524,0.0,0.0,0.07282733365373281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543641902905211,0.0,0.046125544176472855,0.0,0.0,0.07558622239597178,0.08788624592088032,0.05370568486693349,0.08604125339587053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712068210705083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137807450273599,0.0883155764360026,0.1819288901431513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056192439185090336,0.0,0.0,0.15281904571192878
suicidewatch,Rikuli,2018/01/15,"Need people to talk to I'm in constant pain, got taken from home by social workers and I'm now in custody. I want to cut again, I want home. But most importantly I want someone to talk to, someone to hold on to. On like, Whatsapp or discord or something",0.7469871794871779,3.0608684423076937,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.73076923076924,4.235897435897436,25.974358974358967,5.46131890053228,0.6756051282051283,197,9,40,1,6,66,33,52,0.14400000000000002,0.695,0.16,-0.2748,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,8,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,13,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,4,23,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515704736865222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618874557900847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670280375304615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373268307461615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261576454622787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247712046583192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139188371382918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730686560140726,0.3944956883588644,0.17921823284815985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742262545519502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119284831769242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darth_noob,2018/01/15,"I dont hate anyone or anything I've got to the point where I've learnt that everyone is an individual with stories and character. I can't justify thinking shit about them because of it. I don't hate seeing happy people anymore, I don't hate every minute thing about how people carry themselves or do things anymore. 

It's just complete apathy now, I don't even care enough about anything to hold a conversation and friends etc have wised up to how I just respond to most things with just ""yeah"". I know it sounds fucked up but the emptiness and lack of any feeling makes me sick and miss ""depression"".

Derealization, depression, and anxiety. Fuck you, I want me back. I'm 19 and I chain smoke and drink all the time for the pain. I've given myself till the end of summer. There's so much I want to experience in life, I just want to fucking die.",4.496907630522088,5.792285216867473,5.2303012048192805,82.20260040160646,70.32530120481928,8.183935742971888,28.29116465863454,8.59863814320734,1.995102008032129,670,24,132,11,12,217,104,166,0.239,0.662,0.099,-0.9855,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,0,15,15,7,0,7,1,8,8,1,3,1,29,27,14,1,4,7,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,7,9,1,1,3,1,0,0,5,11,0,0,2,3,16,4,19,25,6,11,0,3,1,3,5,5,4,3,6,85,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918613041913176,0.0,0.1003289782797061,0.0,0.2601300477291965,0.09170275213016793,0.0,0.2158496625999584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084583972033584,0.0,0.07994749381086713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337156155918713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750771406894766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259176762372681,0.0,0.1361124341275585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370619090839288,0.12847654212931078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161594947449577,0.13551245111535107,0.14626631620662028,0.08662298173352087,0.0,0.11049907686702906,0.12531892975576733,0.0,0.12828933793785754,0.0,0.0,0.06631310780872805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013257478207549,0.3637366886418428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489220426073104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396110393735119,0.0,0.3884488207414626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207631361387658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263474247292013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754328324900829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640994368810528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955227265346226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818450452511532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397863138616552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450914000838477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462303649335214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26138962189669124,0.08403527867937488,0.0,0.0,0.0764743050699938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320660492332061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sticcyfingas,2018/01/15,i feel like a prisoner in my own mind one day i’ll be fine then the next day i’ll be totally off and this is starting to become a pattern. and i’m hurting the people around me because i’m so impatient and get mad really  fast ! i don’t mean to but i get mad and ruin everyone’s mood whoever is around me and i know it makes them uncomfortable... it sucks because i really don’t try to ruin their mood on purpose and it hurts them to see me like this... my little sister told me i need to go see a therapist but i refuse to go talk to a shrink... i feel like a burden to my family for awhile now. sometimes i sit outside and see them thru the window so happy without me. that night made me realize they’ll be fine without me. i just want to leave so they can finally be happy. i almost OD’d last year in the rain on hella xans and liquor. i’ve been contemplating my suicide for years now and it’s gotten worse and so has my anger. i don’t know how to control it. i was going to hang myself a couple nights ago. i felt that low again. i’m scared i might do something dumb soon,1.14553830227743,2.8441642826086952,3.405776397515531,90.1522463768116,80.08695652173913,6.641821946169772,20.952380952380953,7.62386473244151,0.6740641821946163,835,23,188,13,21,287,124,230,0.254,0.6509999999999999,0.095,-0.9915,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,6,1,12,21,5,1,10,0,16,1,0,4,1,35,41,18,1,2,5,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,12,1,2,7,1,0,4,5,12,0,1,6,6,34,7,23,29,2,31,0,5,3,0,10,9,2,2,20,117,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547360288144736,0.0,0.1191469448061819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118449165533756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506510030364658,0.13141030635827608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345252825587092,0.0,0.13165536275055315,0.0,0.15347180648513478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369589119312035,0.0,0.0,0.11216908492009768,0.0,0.12032544332755644,0.17000674965207296,0.11424488705912947,0.13034296772960535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433018628364195,0.0,0.20286686718479507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253324881929719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547532065560977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078280713400994,0.09698918862425884,0.0,0.12598862716775971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439114069999356,0.11925488372796893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258710254766004,0.07942384782862144,0.0,0.0,0.1296102587925984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262249755004836,0.1201415913082027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822635460693637,0.0,0.0,0.1265425926446617,0.2233199515033232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062775836585377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248967063147009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245051321064515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912539663650175,0.0,0.2844484827847741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160096938339443,0.11767985403145252,0.0,0.08421865815251148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015099306869016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956361614019439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815151484265506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369589119312035,0.0,0.08078344848476372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018082140412267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939584843803415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125654641797905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324571985688495
suicidewatch,CoolKidie00,2018/01/15,"Scuicidal thoughts... I've been depressed for a number of years (3-4)now and I'm only 13, only recently have thing turned to scuicidal thoughts. What is wrong with me? ",1.7254838709677431,4.463838967741938,2.4344516129032283,88.65167741935484,94.80645161290323,6.350967741935484,25.55483870967742,7.554174236665415,2.012930322580645,132,6,24,3,5,41,27,31,0.202,0.757,0.041,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753272887661563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.486239791191292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31563095834615634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237144759121096,0.0,0.0,0.5075571456847103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477040954976712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495038671739693,0.0,0.20585399819630268
suicidewatch,Afbg123,2018/01/15,"I feel like things will never get better Honestly, I don't know how my life will ever get better. It's been 4 years since I left high school and I have no job, no education. I've never had any close friends, I feel so lonely, every day I wish I could go back in time and restart my life over again so I could have a chance to live without the depression and anxiety I've been dealing with for the last few years. I don't know what to do, some days I feel like I just want to die so I can end this pain, but I don't want to kill myself because I'm scared of dying. I can't see a future where I'll ever be happy, I just see myself spending the rest of my life in depression and I wish I could end it.",0.9709578163771724,2.2402589096774217,2.9916129032258065,94.85049627791565,79.25806451612901,6.059553349875933,19.019851116625308,6.67199483983844,-0.14268734491315138,541,11,133,5,13,183,88,155,0.131,0.6679999999999999,0.201,0.9186,1,2,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,1,1,5,0,17,4,0,1,4,28,32,9,3,7,4,0,3,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,9,6,0,0,3,5,22,7,12,23,3,23,0,3,2,0,2,7,0,1,17,84,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313982635541324,0.0,0.09352725354705436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400907476994873,0.0,0.07452751590128552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625503610133195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29283987746967904,0.0,0.0,0.15769295956475313,0.126042923704241,0.21060176380245504,0.0,0.25376959590008863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656910502211105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117923677575016,0.1030078782427759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545238735201716,0.1746826867592527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944564478754741,0.0,0.12774981599114493,0.0,0.06948220092593714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014621798551104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917259076592727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132248330421255,0.0,0.13526067850865225,0.0,0.1343799124378322,0.09965682003896192,0.0,0.0,0.13283398459938492,0.0,0.2590639273444097,0.11945844529439753,0.0,0.10795630571263952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858625307036656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300914353093545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240187162164265,0.12373191168694846,0.19484804895149446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113331690477778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122297220232433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128978927878547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422220843505126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811819887134032,0.11785262414163665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574606545548412
suicidewatch,childofburningtime,2018/01/15,"I want to die but I don't know how to do it painlessly I'm 16 in a few days. I've been severely depressed since I was 11 due to bullying.  I've attempted suicide a couple times and i self harmed for a while. I have crippling anxiety and my depression is so bad that I'm finding it hard to complete basic day to day activities like eat and get out of bed. My stepmum has told me 'I don't look depressed' and has accused me of faking my anxiety on many occasions despite the fact I've had many horrific anxiety attacks in front of her, a lot of which have been her fault. Tonight she called me a fucking bitch, verbal abuse never being something she's done until now, because I'm exhausted and accidentally said something in a slightly snippier tone than usual (and I apologised several times). She turns everything into a huge drama and my dad always sides with her and defends her actions even if she's being a completely horrible person.  Because of my anxiety I'm incredibly fragile and an overthinker and the smallest things make me feel sick and put me into a panic.


I'm fucking done. I just want to die. I am so sick of my family and it's definitely not worth continuing on because nothing is fun anymore and I just feel too awful all the time.  I can't deal with this any longer. How do I do this painlessly? ",4.296467029643072,5.587264869731804,5.952809034079454,76.85072595281308,70.80076628352491,9.326154466626335,32.893930227868516,9.682069395223575,3.3168191570881227,1045,50,195,25,19,358,148,261,0.3720000000000001,0.57,0.058,-0.9988,0,0,2,0,1,3,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,15,4,1,13,1,21,6,0,3,3,36,39,21,3,3,5,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,1,2,8,18,1,0,4,1,1,3,5,13,0,0,8,6,31,2,25,29,3,27,0,3,1,2,15,10,3,2,15,128,39,0,0.0,0.1283925118264218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016675048557836,0.0,0.0,0.07369059981844278,0.0,0.33158979109680425,0.0,0.10746704200461962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232786297199042,0.0,0.0,0.09047863256687436,0.19817135507115524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065080461742052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723322296378015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990166982065302,0.0,0.20965563593666606,0.11171756133973433,0.2799988461200543,0.0,0.2249275053524788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178607576397813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088246789829176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157278213559372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738973512233973,0.0,0.10215505318728714,0.0,0.10958324275950357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990418778317234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035981406545172,0.0566152287042287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707202115731993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955350633498719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052940719706889454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099768228263186,0.0,0.0,0.09212640237632966,0.0,0.0,0.0723331870367973,0.21972627838629127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357627574815785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397728299897356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714070811703151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461844820247732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089348099470199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307808927441932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304630942669945,0.24483883723173575,0.0,0.08963904678466406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684636245420786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185316045751932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199160502259427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895621231066732,0.0,0.0,0.10354555196989218,0.0,0.0,0.11786789698768665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934660617791162,0.0,0.12783068611770593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A_FABULOUS_PLUM,2018/01/15,Fuck yeah I found a way to kill myself really easily in my own room. Sucks that this is the only thing that's made me happy in many months.,-0.5670000000000002,1.6176839666666682,1.888333333333336,94.8825,92.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,7.5,7.1686216300943375,-1.0559999999999996,109,0,25,2,4,37,28,30,0.266,0.521,0.213,-0.4779,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,3,3,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647812152881442,0.0,0.3075697499594465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541583828017769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680760293981679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31480260335168664,0.0,0.33729895796726245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655527518562335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530283739456987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213131954526923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102675687995252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26407658907282605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DangerTaterz,2018/01/15,"What is even the point anymore? My life isn't going anywhere. No one cares. I feel depressed or anxious 75% of the time, just completely empty another 20%, the 5% of happy isn't worth it because every time I'm happy, excited, or something good happens, its quickly wiped away by something bad/negative. 

When I'm feeling particularly bad, knowing I have the power to make it all stop cheers me up. Until I realize I'm too chicken to really do it. 

I'm tired of feeling like this. I can remember being 5 or 6 years old and wishing I didn't exist. That was over 20 years ago. 20 years of not wanting to live is far too long. I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I'm tired of being broken.",1.9149920424403173,3.7277743241379326,4.222068965517241,84.65867374005309,78.17241379310343,6.6684350132626,26.3262599469496,7.61054688173877,1.5446816976127322,547,22,110,8,13,190,92,145,0.16699999999999998,0.6509999999999999,0.182,0.1371,1,1,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,0,11,6,2,1,2,21,29,7,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,1,2,6,2,0,1,2,3,8,7,16,25,1,21,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,3,14,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074846599974108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283577334555422,0.0,0.15388683800994424,0.13509101310361202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798068868142426,0.0,0.2274716026363339,0.08303683506219263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388826714619604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282130469198387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732380794654705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997027804046034,0.0,0.11476899628697088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066267621322084,0.0973137053693113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548309235393595,0.11425265427987046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045655683969278,0.2900118139223969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748614957162398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962143460050149,0.06654891887068616,0.0,0.12028241976101428,0.12054807234249065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092614196447277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505922142865112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293719946481315,0.0,0.09230440483404713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876942947084666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872643254243884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430770881602449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631572918021112,0.0,0.0,0.20973354915288825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388380788488713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885886983813635,0.4696854323143774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606890500682842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566432352996984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631585309721099
suicidewatch,Doctorderp8,2018/01/15,How do you go on when no one around you understands? All my dad told me was “you’ve never had a fucking miserable day in your life. You don’t realize it but you’re fucking selfish and spoiled.” I think he got one thing right at least. I am pretty selfish. I’ve wanted to kill myself for years now but....he only makes it worse. I hate everyone around me. They don’t understand. I don’t even understand. My life isn’t a hard one so why do I wish I was dead every second of the day? ,-0.375452488687781,1.8147850294117696,1.9307843137254888,95.19468325791857,90.86274509803921,5.4914027149321285,18.630467571644047,7.010146845296331,0.24883770739064914,371,11,85,6,13,125,69,102,0.28800000000000003,0.627,0.085,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,4,1,0,7,7,4,1,3,0,10,4,0,2,2,15,23,5,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,7,0,4,5,1,16,0,8,18,2,13,0,1,0,2,8,6,2,0,6,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28421112553895994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589776506932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543486571926096,0.0,0.13449612445133685,0.1525343998377712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29515284248006635,0.0,0.0,0.09072205837365667,0.0,0.1276716091954591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299815111880987,0.15760270709557914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766082105603199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255043970575097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655502880721776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311737992983153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245105853045421,0.12140667898587082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240226284201187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363241255736245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060518395678868,0.10228519205789326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525343998377712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985449547486008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415458518915598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404227927695445,0.0,0.1835679386499959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267777436961986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279722363217456
suicidewatch,beermethatwatertuna,2018/01/15,"I’ve been running on empty for too long. I can’t keep fucking going. This shit is just too much. I’m just so tired all the time. Got diagnosed with generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and depression recently.
I can feel my whole future crumbling. I used to be such a smart kid, and now I doubt any university would ever want me. I just want to fucking die so I don’t have to deal with any of this bullshit ever again.

It’s like my mind and spirit died months ago, and I used to be horrified at the thought of my body being found dead. The thought of never seeing my dog, or never smelling vanilla, and the simple pleasures in life. But I’ve run out of reasons. I don’t care if my hands never grip anything ever again, I just want my whole being to be dead. I don’t care if i never taste any food ever again, I’ve tasted everything I want to taste.

I’m just out of reasons to stick around.",1.8400578592092565,3.7812325300546448,3.503317261330764,89.11865959498554,78.89071038251366,6.273095467695277,22.78656380585021,7.285733465282438,0.8268806814529093,695,22,146,9,17,231,102,183,0.215,0.679,0.106,-0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,19,10,3,1,5,0,14,12,3,4,9,45,34,11,4,7,9,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,10,4,1,6,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,5,8,19,5,21,23,4,27,1,1,1,2,3,6,3,4,19,97,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749129929994023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224372044854714,0.0,0.16826994592851996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050478654612952,0.09790618505793372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216382022016073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242654095680566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338532434139455,0.09472625909425672,0.11162814649820817,0.2282853102220448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979355407249524,0.0,0.0,0.09884360678791072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055609571913600615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329891598433285,0.12058821603721752,0.0,0.20335086292930693,0.0,0.0,0.06250459491425019,0.0,0.08796165296366151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775594419466158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768265646822403,0.053731039264079884,0.0,0.0,0.09732950314083326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110492058355517,0.0,0.08778558562787339,0.0,0.08084850603253173,0.0,0.339295738979948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615705719414975,0.1085927227644343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764041874930642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289365973764552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211152474877968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462486157013735,0.06413065995336623,0.1264066936709047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997611285852625,0.0,0.0,0.25947798416691714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455791601865456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812716952545676,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riesig-,2018/01/15,"Does it ever end? Feeling low.. again... I was wondering if it’s possible to ever get rid of depression completely forever. It feels like the answer is no. Guess I’m asking for someone to prove me wrong?? I really don’t have much hope left...

I’ve been struggling for quite some time. Feels like I’m just sort of getting by and not actually “living”. Am I just ment to cope with this disease forever, as long as I live? I mean if that’s the case, I’d honestly just kill myself right now. It’s not like I haven’t tried. Something always gets in the way which prevents me from taking my life. It’s a fucking curse. I just want to close my eyes and be done. 

Some days are better than others mood wise but it seems that my default mood is depressed. My mind is like “oh you’ve had enough hapiness for today, time to be depressed”. I find that if I don’t keep myself constantly distracted, I will start spiraling. I have no control over my emotions.

One thing that does help is writing/posting my thoughts here. I don’t care if anyone reads/responds. It just feels better to empty my mind. I can say whatever I want, and I don’t have to worry about being a burden. I won’t feel guilty for sharing my thoughts/feelings. I mean, I don’t have anyone irl because I always push people away and that probably a good thing. I’m actually disgusting and no one should have to deal with me. I am actually fucking stupid too! Useless... replaceable.. invisible... Such a catch I am.

I think I’m done. This has turned into a rambling shitpost as usual.",1.7061921850079749,4.119990592105268,3.2961483253588533,87.83864433811806,82.22368421052632,6.316427432216908,23.685805422647533,7.576466943178032,1.2554640350877198,1196,44,238,20,33,394,169,304,0.173,0.6970000000000001,0.129,-0.9639,0,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,0,4,14,28,5,2,8,0,32,4,1,1,3,50,62,13,1,8,12,0,5,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,18,9,0,3,14,0,0,2,12,14,0,2,6,7,35,12,27,50,4,24,0,5,1,2,5,8,2,11,17,153,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.2751354008522965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639927284565652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314272591582789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878594538537033,0.0,0.08829814804892276,0.0,0.0,0.057289883586160675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623693535655032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581978978644146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853718429055072,0.10155996423578678,0.10540756931962736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060609904855731374,0.09689017993622327,0.2428368311764965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644866356654839,0.19235017780931268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057158616241194,0.0832391812945273,0.0971073910989624,0.0,0.0,0.17002220687648095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28511739734476704,0.13427994570771326,0.0,0.0,0.08589683886094704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376765303491568,0.14730342205381147,0.0,0.0,0.07882671898803942,0.0,0.0,0.1035305554865754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299341540785691,0.0,0.0,0.09334423798150324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835345409811408,0.1039759400515874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211052148933028,0.0,0.06638148814098523,0.18365727990624545,0.0,0.1659737108334885,0.08317013799797153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474550039279066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978783361389934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908677417088817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736777849184006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515452190286546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594934246465552,0.09000772229411587,0.0,0.1013273042661551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099960254170895,0.0,0.0,0.060206570265396636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025917403985602,0.0,0.07473738281262628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555668055723388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962971054151341,0.07235108735829024,0.0,0.0,0.0665201638607871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824924082685753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070661939801875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248734662820785,0.06021916514433059,0.0,0.07461033584878042,0.10960203568499984,0.0,0.08908290312833471,0.0,0.0,0.0638068611911942,0.10222423055863268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035066824649946,0.0,0.1108647381019252,0.07459766298652784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191827575067128,0.0,0.09544216463421548,0.0,0.0,0.10275335942761382,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TakotsubosHeart,2018/01/15,"There's No Reason for me to Continue to Exist There's no reason I should be alive or continue to live.


I have no dreams.


No aspirations.


No passions.


No interests.


No friends.



I'm nothing but a burden on my family and the world. 


I make a mess.


I leave things to rot.


I cause contention with my loved ones. 


I contribute nothing

.
I use up resources.


All I do is spread my misery to others.




I'm nothing valuable to this world.


I don't go to school.


I don't work.


I don't volunteer.


I have no desire, drive, aspirations or passion.


I only leave my house to go to doctors appointments.


I live in constant pain.


I don't know how to deal with anxiety, so I tear open my skin till I am covered in painful wounds, lesions and sometimes infections, so I may litterally rot.


I take over 15 pills a day.


I spend all day on my phone and computer, looking at reddit and YouTube, chasing the feeling of grasping at distant happiness.



No future.


No future.


No nothing.


I'm worthless.


The one person who truly understood me and was always there for me, more than a best friend, more like a platonic soulmate, broke her promise to always keep trying to live as long as I did; to talk to me if she wanted to die. Our most sacred contract and promise.



She broke it, and killed herself.


And all I want to do now is go be with her.


The trauma that has contributed to the wreckage of my life I can't even describe truly. My brain has locked it away as a foggy distant concept spectre to haunt and torture me, but to never access or understand.


I simply go on so I don't break my family's hearts. But in the end theyd truly be better off without me.


I don't know how to keep going. I'm losing my grip and no longer see a reason to hold on.

Let go


Drop into the void


Embrace the end


The only logical action is to die, as I was meant to.",0.8072017394592521,3.1553408943089463,3.010402722631877,88.76390811117413,85.85636856368562,5.600579819751687,23.215541690300626,7.025160622230231,0.9898906031385896,1406,54,284,20,43,477,186,369,0.211,0.605,0.184,-0.8255,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,0,1,4,10,24,2,0,16,0,27,13,3,8,4,52,53,27,3,5,8,0,3,1,2,2,7,0,0,1,7,15,0,3,11,1,1,8,21,11,0,2,5,5,50,13,51,41,7,40,0,4,2,3,15,17,0,6,14,199,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900943560303396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309499517572163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977176447558059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027315332519968,0.08450563991275363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666468043982877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815550804182982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325490840953903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232428589687153,0.0985071896231846,0.0,0.0,0.1983302907395811,0.0,0.0,0.0977988137903559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925673626070173,0.0,0.0,0.06310944794300838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801508567607359,0.0,0.048312624911346636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764238956936704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258174028765664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171406531255894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322644592983168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025112716533032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985731420730954,0.10571120468196576,0.0,0.10502285354092494,0.0,0.0,0.20234594177663792,0.0,0.0977056893292115,0.0674893352874095,0.04668058855219213,0.0,0.25311549348396256,0.08455817256346776,0.0802373936236052,0.10689528785783167,0.0,0.0,0.08623702353771187,0.0,0.06377993652953841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369355313876857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667287330676985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949343180122205,0.14533918045276475,0.2033425012647441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343001142487229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947219525152285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670104856965682,0.07614046525456232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450075545479476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184122382461414,0.07679895234119563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347874588554787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487174013670417,0.0,0.0,0.09947024846199626,0.0,0.08252396455154944,0.0,0.0,0.11271497055655827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210616869814388,0.0,0.0695610685518086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway54451652,2018/01/15,"I want to kill myself right now I'm 23 years old, suffered from depression about 10 years now. 

I've had severe anxiety about everything and everyone for about 5 years now. I can't even go in my own backyard without fear of someone seeing me. I can't hold down a job, I focus too much on my mistakes and I can't see ways to fix them so I quit the jobs/get fired because I can't do them or even show up for them.

I'm a pathological liar, I lie about everything because it's easier than telling the truth. I don't feel guilt or anything in the moment when I lie, just the fear and anxiety that causes the lie in the first place.

I've tried to kill myself when I was 18. I was put into inpatient twice (last one was voluntary) I've been to therapy twice. I can't do anything right and everything has gotten worse and worse these past few years. I ***want*** to get better but how can I? I just keep failing again and again and repeating my same old mistakes. I can't run from my problems because my problem is **myself!**

I don't know what to do. Should I check myself back to inpatient? Go back to therapy? I can't even really afford either of those. I'm still $2000+ in debt from the last time I checked myself into the hospital to get to inpatient. And therapy around here is so expensive too, even the cheapest options. I really want to kill myself right now. Please help me, I need advice.

I'm so tired.",0.6821453287197237,3.0170132179930818,2.6689446366782015,91.06701557093427,86.37024221453287,6.306574394463668,20.956747404844293,7.618777277803332,0.9202138408304504,1096,36,234,21,34,366,140,289,0.191,0.741,0.068,-0.9898,4,0,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,3,4,29,16,4,3,11,0,22,2,0,2,1,36,40,17,3,9,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,11,0,2,2,1,4,4,10,14,0,4,6,4,39,2,34,33,5,43,0,3,2,0,5,14,0,3,24,155,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123445615224347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284677826447018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366163106892586,0.08311396922675564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358267723273488,0.0,0.1707419249705105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257308436572518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591079429570028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041448432156786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466648036581949,0.0,0.0,0.08921353370735853,0.2517292800645048,0.0,0.0,0.21012145678898053,0.04720776574028632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941557605126065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633688801494285,0.0,0.10612209995026957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258008298578974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264960326421112,0.08298642759617107,0.3098811001828424,0.0,0.0513105453950607,0.15220863582277355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863346006629527,0.06922840199417471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594013161538065,0.0,0.06326602626741275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912673281339838,0.0,0.0,0.09754576071138292,0.10248590031663113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867393983317875,0.0,0.09385684999717786,0.0,0.09930436317499652,0.0,0.0,0.11962304755516935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391976561009905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879842499510335,0.0,0.0,0.10547501772261147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910721877132552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456080379640567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160446219100262,0.0,0.32031044049230895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444143998360895,0.10730846107018388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633881913300682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520594570946978,0.07410818908638865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999979701198298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029227666149526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049404161384305
suicidewatch,Throwaway19551,2018/01/15,"Im gonna kill myself because of school Mainly because im failing, or will soon be failing, extremely important classes, and have too much shit to do to be able to pass them and have absolutely no motivation. I'm going to have to not only stay an extra hour after school for the rest of this year, but since i fucked up freshman and sophomore years, i also have an entire other year to do beyond my senior year to make up the shitty grades. My dad *really* wants me to graduate (because he nevaer did), but i just cant do it, and he's not going to let me just drop out. Constant pestering from teachers/principal and him are just irritating and demotivating. i feel like shit and i know im not good enough, shoving it in my face isnt helping. im fucking over it.

^^Note: ^^other ^^reasons ^^as ^^well, ^^but ^^i ^^dont ^^have ^^the ^^motivation ^^to ^^write ^^a ^^damn ^^novel.",3.4922549019607843,5.626768029411769,4.7947058823529405,80.87284313725492,74.58823529411767,7.121568627450981,27.215686274509807,8.021203637495839,1.8698156862745101,695,27,128,11,15,230,114,170,0.211,0.753,0.036000000000000004,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,1,54.0,0,0,1,4,8,11,6,0,6,0,17,5,3,4,0,26,27,13,1,1,10,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,1,0,3,7,8,1,0,1,1,14,3,22,21,5,20,0,2,0,2,7,6,5,1,10,92,20,10,0.1306031913250046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044433249169728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23884347965018266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113565218858926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306596755109148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494800907240878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660368977207447,0.09330294597833484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414810917363585,0.0,0.0,0.14844960676345054,0.10954376045697127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754056614803156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286178354456475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642954330046326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449308072847375,0.0,0.07177609838369572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355061176675262,0.0,0.06380612225938675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717864435984167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600837301967316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932961220786378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366774864864199,0.1342818326129035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26435480438503034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681245981536542,0.1080363094801836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392056246449068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703314605549465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742795381391047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364166928779025
suicidewatch,AladdinBragadiru,2018/01/15,"Happiness as a moral obligation I've come to realize that being happy is just a kick in the head waiting to happen and that you are obliged to be happy so the people around you can be happy. And it is your duty as a member of the society to be happy or if you are not, to pretend that you are. But honestly, I'm so done. I go out with people sometimes and it just drains me. The more I laugh and smile the more tired and sleepy I get. Family, friends, teachers, everyone is telling me they trust me and they believe in me. It's the last thing I want to hear, people trusting me. All my life I've been a screw-up. Nothing fucking worked. Girlfriend gone, friends gone, school hates me now. All I had was pretending to be happy and that everything is ok. I can't do that anymore. I want to be gone so goddamn much and I was about to do it. I took my pocket knife and I cut my hands. The next target were my veins and I had the picture in my head, me striking my arms violently and blood shooting everywhere. And I just couldn't do it. I threw my knife on my desk and just stood there crying in my room. I knew that if i kept holding it I would do it. I'm so terrified of myself now. How can I go to school like this, how will I ever look my friends in the eye after this.",0.7385226644554983,2.697395884328362,2.6348424543946933,93.85122996130457,82.69402985074628,5.761415146489774,21.493090105030408,6.937597516519254,0.43036108347153146,979,31,223,12,27,326,134,268,0.083,0.722,0.195,0.9815,0,0,0,1,0,0,31.0,0,5,2,1,16,19,4,0,13,1,30,10,7,2,3,41,52,25,0,6,9,0,1,1,4,2,2,1,1,0,16,17,0,4,2,2,0,8,3,4,0,0,15,4,43,15,25,28,5,23,1,0,2,1,13,9,1,3,7,164,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720127394453123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622753922547164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178613965048354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311434054778067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187373702895274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061879726825803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977781889664606,0.0,0.10328948183001953,0.09714888843582838,0.0,0.1019024217776253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505419733995937,0.09993216019746096,0.056475218155659423,0.0,0.12286585071870967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558812278861824,0.6904153399367916,0.0,0.1067215131027756,0.2218734762623961,0.0,0.1218310119518546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811191795046942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635075218191352,0.052809796289684206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077264326563017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946232182331155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496034453429073,0.0,0.0,0.10372014517996933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248185553525724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187959849843247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690879870139544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447986493142184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181356839989944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242393937255497,0.0,0.0,0.12009761188485027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751455837439452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786945060858977,0.0,0.0,0.07678764386169645,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayfIower,2018/01/15,"I dont want to feel like this anymore I'm going to make this as short as possible. Was abused by a parent since I was ~6, the abuse didn't stop till I was 17 and that's bc I left. Had best friend of 5 years completely/permanently ignore me for literally no reason. As a result I have crippling anxiety and I'm emotionally unstable (mainly due to the abuse but the loss of my friend was the icing on the cake.) I constantly feel sad and empty inside, then I'll feel rage and an urge to lash out at others and myself. About 70% of the time I end up internalizing most of it. The times I don't are very bad. It's just built up over time. My fiance tries to help in the only way he knows how. He's the only person Im able to feel a connection to, in fact he's the only reason why I'm still alive, besides my mom who's been through a lot of shit and doesn't need any more. I feel so weak, messed up, damaged, terrified and alone. I can't put my fiance or mom through the pain of losing me. I'm just so done. Constant panic attacks, sharp mood swings, destructive urges etc. I'm so sick of all of it. 

Tl;Dr : put up with a lot of abuse as a kid, have emotional issues as a result, want to off myself but my mom and fiance would be devastated.",1.4007213438735209,2.9582483409090936,3.5918247694334684,89.75501976284586,78.84848484848484,6.712516469038207,19.81159420289855,7.586124646067393,0.4385212779973648,958,22,219,14,23,329,151,264,0.306,0.614,0.08,-0.9973,1,1,0,0,4,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,8,19,4,1,19,0,17,4,1,6,2,38,33,22,0,4,5,4,6,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,8,10,0,2,8,0,0,3,6,14,0,0,8,6,19,4,40,23,8,29,0,4,0,0,13,13,1,4,13,131,27,0,0.0972914335747995,0.461097758292747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076458362233497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616151109627923,0.0,0.07442768038635747,0.0,0.09648695911813517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068305113871846,0.0,0.0,0.08123428316906227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210135713230108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027495255873144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956291541126952,0.1140248355608772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887953540539093,0.08617133251986114,0.0,0.1085056662649004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24596736047955964,0.06950501958558439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033424047610852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529296378252513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521239710978598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050914435546068,0.10154697954409177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534688275019099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570742724991232,0.0,0.0,0.04753168006451426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884422798529624,0.0,0.16542739530141126,0.0,0.0,0.06494278739154162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418396534039532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214036522043528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198355806061615,0.10352494487968512,0.1141505346896162,0.10803062331991008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849511270919821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968147304907153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560952563387965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006359516054786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986825844906336,0.08048047923500766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769706452930303,0.08133999489054733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019425194334695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605449701986096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027562188240625,0.1147700165130819,0.07722541142820273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779038608680534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911304298393921,0.0,0.0,0.06265249339722255
suicidewatch,Roselillya_Wanderer,2018/01/15,"Just trying to get some thoughts out I guess? Its late and I should be going to bed but I wanted to get a few things off my mind. I really hate this life I was given and I dont really know why im still here. I don't really have much going for me. well nothing that really matters to society anyways. I don't have a job, most of the time when I get jobs I end up self-harming to get me thru the days and am too drained to really enjoy anything, and it ends up being a cycle of work, sleep, repete. and even when I waas working I was making maybe $500-600 a month so not enugh to even call myself independat. I have a degree in graphic design, I try to find stuff online to do, but I usually dont hear back, dont get paied, or they change their mind, so It's not really a super viable path for me to take. and I am not really that competivie Im not going to break my back asking to work for people. I go to theapy but It doesnt really help? and It costs quite a bit of money to go and my parents pay for it, like they pay for my meds, and pretty much everything else. Im kind of living on borrowed time. It's only a matter of time until I will get kicked out or something happens, when that happens ill have nothing i guess? I mean that will be the best time to end it. my therapist says that suicide ""is a life changer"" but Its not like I wanted to live in this world, theres not much keeping me here either, It's hard to describe On the outside I look perfectly normal most people wouldn't think there would be a thing wrong with me and sometimes that makes me kind feel like im just being lazy, but im just sitting here wanted go to sleep and not wake up, I guess that might make me lazy after all.

anyways im just rambling I guess I should go to bed now...",1.6501868919610845,2.9744109021164067,3.5564891619730328,91.28235791090631,77.54497354497354,6.358900836320193,20.394606588154968,6.968188349444268,0.2623591739204638,1363,31,310,14,31,461,176,378,0.116,0.794,0.09,-0.8263,4,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,3,7,24,12,1,0,14,0,28,6,3,3,2,65,65,24,1,8,19,1,2,3,0,7,3,2,2,0,22,14,0,1,6,0,5,7,14,2,1,0,4,5,41,10,43,49,11,40,0,0,1,0,9,11,0,10,23,207,63,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053657764654097086,0.0,0.060957424781269635,0.0,0.0,0.10027650298601153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842812155198848,0.0,0.07118644865320588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658110581707187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897773696528492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04205152154024488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292576375139125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447001008525605,0.0,0.17325555452681915,0.0,0.0,0.08613394177238451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058601618687698476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032969364783090316,0.04658212253254226,0.0,0.0,0.059595750532818924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440002472176425,0.0,0.25940062180019113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28732052257663665,0.0,0.11532028441955157,0.0,0.05841044296875377,0.06437596474152335,0.0,0.0,0.07349023361656894,0.0,0.04370521569407475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225924282853751,0.0,0.129410850910897,0.05795677386038229,0.0,0.13580094848920066,0.035834699266553575,0.0,0.07355353932594827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211176242822253,0.09556690544701402,0.0,0.11515357255289975,0.0,0.054755375111066575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057357143044668,0.0,0.06550670500825631,0.07102683827444985,0.07242752306009542,0.0,0.0,0.06917169215297655,0.13167595613766445,0.0,0.052045626241454944,0.0,0.1437984754690676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388658594016898,0.12513099214890594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049590976131139684,0.0,0.0,0.07240190367198585,0.0,0.0,0.09040920911406508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633643888058714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935303382246201,0.0,0.0,0.3341734843380384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518532518849432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680225355449746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305032210147026,0.0,0.0,0.05019762554897954,0.06448893813126283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520724143652136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464357602197115,0.07132316239520388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902568467525071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570747403414546,0.08663797228629556,0.0417804239460528,0.0,0.05176510592679488,0.15208512124983575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885391786766084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181356739622757,0.0,0.1153779468911144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862669475169036,0.0,0.05883693791121426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240900269822696,0.0,0.0,0.04631942061264364,0.07129090727972379,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-ImJustSaiyan-,2018/01/15,"I can't do it. I can't take the pain. So things started getting better between me and my gf.... And then got worse all because of her parents. I miss her so fucking much, and just want to know what's going on. We didn't break up, we didn't have a big fight. I have no idea when/if I'll hear from the woman I love again, and the situation is completely out of my control. This is killing me, and all I've been able to think is bad thoughts :(

I want to just OD on my meds, and Tbh the only thing that's been keeping me from doing it is the small naive sliver of hope that I'll hear from her again. I'll go more into detail if/when I can gather my thoughts or if anyone even cares. Read my last post from a couple weeks ago if you want to know a little more about me.

I just want to fucking die and be at peace :( I thought this year was gonna be a great year, but it's already starting off worse than last year did for me, and last year was pretty bad too (I won't get into that though). If I don't OD tonight, I think I'm going to at least get fucked up on benzos. I just can't take this anymore, I can't. Why can't I just have something good in life without it going wrong or me fucking it up? 

I miss her sweet comforting voice so much :( I'd give anything just to hear from her about what's going on.",2.17206293706294,2.6685161013986023,3.478608391608393,95.59252797202801,75.04895104895104,6.1395804195804216,22.69160839160839,5.341637118332708,-0.03963440559440557,999,24,249,3,20,327,139,286,0.131,0.733,0.136,-0.3231,1,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,2,1,0,2,16,20,6,0,9,0,26,7,0,1,2,43,66,19,4,8,13,1,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,15,13,0,2,8,1,0,5,11,12,0,0,11,5,35,8,35,51,7,39,0,2,0,5,18,17,4,6,15,157,50,1,0.09385422805770934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319611033308094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357047449490744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307817484985596,0.06562505847744678,0.0,0.07723403279299973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672872026892468,0.05721266630052953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830064377341004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569064056123963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840437246709484,0.0,0.10526549735371744,0.0,0.10384791820990756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740587105226166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061989832471810925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34706688596987884,0.14710488140923034,0.09003352764288,0.2666976033836528,0.07872047361111681,0.07506379992465079,0.10347461776815607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173416084156929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321842539060493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594999950125117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342195023898462,0.1038357976850969,0.0,0.10315965848081428,0.22951116727195406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629201687643478,0.0,0.09406659290422348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470710513579473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104250889450946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379873132566076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138036967137908,0.09986751586849336,0.0,0.10421401335903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988640677440565,0.09548349113874023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387962634473228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549608467487087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722535700615433,0.0,0.0,0.13286101136861486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113339839319822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247051575072989,0.12027599934349788,0.09221130254275582,0.22352932037644474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221430621550548,0.0,0.07528420054812868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468884273074974,0.0,0.0,0.09047212665169324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912909531636567,0.0,0.1026148648975534,0.0,0.2417561829497041
suicidewatch,Chassier,2018/01/15,"I think about suicide a lot, but I'm not 100% sure if I want to die. I suppose I'll start talking about when I was about 14-15 years old. During my secondary school period, I was never popular, and everyone thought I was really weird, even the teacher (and I know that because on of the teachers told my brother (who was also at the school) that I was a bit 'out of touch' from everything that was going on around me). Anyway for some people I was just that quiet kid in school, and for others I was easy to pick on. For a few years there was this rumour around that I was going to shoot up the school ot let of some explosives (these rumours are false) and so nearly every day, there was always one person or more that would ask me,
""When are you going to shoot up the school Chassier?""
And I never really replied and just wandered off, but after a couple years of being asked the same question over and over again, it got into my head, and I began thinking, 
""Is this what I'm suppose to do, where am I going to buy guns from etc?""
So I'd search on the internet where to buy weapons, but I'd just give up after a few minutes looking. (I'm seriously going off topic here, I just wanted to tell someone that first bit.)

Over the course of my school years, I began to have this fascination with death, and the mind set of people who would either kill people or kill themselves. And so I would visit many websites that had videos of dead bodies or people being killed (like liveleak, bestgore, etc) to watch and enjoy. And after watching people be torn apart or stabbed or getting shot or run over, I built up this sort of immune system where I just wouldn't feel that skin-crawling effect people get. And after a while I just didn't really feel anything at all. So I thought, 
""Might as well feel pain as a way of getting myself back to normal feelings""
So I'd self harm on my arms, but I wasn't looking for any attention, but pretty quick, people realised that I was self harming and so got me to a councillor to talk things over, of which I didn't share anything. For a while now I've been cutting my legs since I don't show them to anyone, and it's all scarred up since i've stopped harming for a while. (I'm losing focus here and trailing off a bit)
Anyway, back to my suicidal thoughts, I think about dying almost everyday, and I used to google ways of which I could do it, e.g. hanging, cutting wrists, vehicle accidents. But I don't really want to die, although I'm in pain. I want to live, and see what opportunities I will get and think about what my life will be like when I'm older and who will I meet/learn to love. Also, I kept thinking over my suicidal thoughts about all those TV shows that I've not seen yet, or movies that haven't come out yet or video-games I have yet to play. My mum would say that I had depression, but for me it was just a different mind set to other people. I talk to my online friend everyday about my suicidal thoughts and she's helped me a bit to get over it and has given me something to live for. Not sure where to end this but my hand has cramp now so this is the end, (chance of an edit here).

EDIT: If you do want to ask any questions, I'm an open book and will answer truthfully and just.

Thanks for your time, feel free to share your thoughts.",7.087826576576575,5.3876426231231225,7.073121246246249,81.42112331081084,64.96096096096096,9.826501501501502,31.473160660660657,8.17850203761792,2.0625376876876884,2561,71,540,25,32,821,280,666,0.189,0.7240000000000001,0.087,-0.9979,1,0,1,3,0,3,90.0,0,4,1,4,51,31,6,0,25,0,50,12,6,3,8,117,109,60,12,14,30,2,7,2,1,10,5,2,0,4,37,32,0,2,22,6,3,9,12,15,1,2,33,15,62,17,94,60,17,89,0,2,6,1,35,36,0,18,41,376,99,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607925601939635,0.0,0.0,0.08957170260739185,0.04659926577500462,0.0,0.0,0.07616838418965442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915883794191908,0.0,0.09217195516195467,0.0997096931954902,0.15706669090523878,0.0,0.0,0.08612622419706534,0.0,0.034139116670768035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24456457311257299,0.062207086439602724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824191911613389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471411049503102,0.0619666312554218,0.0,0.03611752169407106,0.0,0.048235595260176435,0.0,0.17436787749779298,0.05851157130107116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920467433030508,0.0,0.12491705733250925,0.03698967833521388,0.0,0.04718522992227809,0.05351359198462311,0.05033219148170458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158485878488294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763641296814178,0.0,0.0,0.043268042082582114,0.0,0.14629717024808342,0.053723507454373806,0.1591399455131577,0.0,0.0895819750793584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747558449588931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375378587541498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587819661225852,0.0,0.03077797142064421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057267210181772214,0.039556815733724736,0.054720806830805054,0.0,0.09890395168813966,0.0,0.09405740272909184,0.06265341311465768,0.0,0.04761203754277743,0.050545201474854966,0.0,0.0,0.05677859737172805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941069432076935,0.11309481864617332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638645764874042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487138322559616,0.0,0.0,0.0587660852616466,0.0,0.03794931301867625,0.0,0.11918300601287365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106053195621932,0.048899956927148734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569755310300497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547311704341318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350869633351362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044536104313614835,0.0,0.3400702238276296,0.044627411740365365,0.0,0.11684739639587527,0.0,0.0,0.0926530842564796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04745144881552718,0.04311410772666103,0.0,0.0,0.039639452776800574,0.0,0.0,0.046821300467214985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503425995020764,0.0,0.10556497162621276,0.0,0.0,0.1350400915952061,0.04894938819639785,0.05156035180667482,0.0,0.0,0.03720613106217685,0.17942339694116344,0.0,0.2667623811686715,0.032655998314052824,0.0,0.0,0.05351359198462311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836890518302471,0.0,0.0,0.16516110663078978,0.08890569017245853,0.0,0.0,0.050353728996925334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913266560239828,0.0,0.0,0.1442572610101044
suicidewatch,thisismythrowawaybby,2018/01/15,"Is anyone else... Is anyone else afraid to fill their prescription because they don't trust themselves to not abuse it?

I don't want to get into details but I am very sad and I really upset my boyfriend and his mom with an unsuccessful OD a week ago. They really seem to care about me and I don't want to disappoint them again. But I still just don't want to continue living like I have been the last decade. I got a prescription that is supposed to make me feel better but it didn't work when I took it a couple years ago, so part of me is just telling myself to fill it so I can swallow all of the pills. It would be so easy and I feel like I would be much too tempted to abuse them if they were in my hands.",1.6892817116658172,3.263319609271522,3.0062251655629133,94.19770249617932,78.0728476821192,6.5004584819154365,20.224656138563425,7.321109707123232,0.2655029037187981,555,13,130,7,13,180,88,151,0.105,0.713,0.181,0.9475,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,6,2,10,9,0,2,6,0,18,3,1,1,1,23,29,12,1,6,7,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,3,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,3,24,5,15,20,3,14,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,2,11,90,30,1,0.0,0.3655515011334228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734886673731205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157277511824198,0.31612017227182243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403694355872552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643258049206172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728082516357564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706884411241962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577329261205302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599943610403472,0.11020510852142214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059575105058378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337775484434148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574446696517733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072965926627094,0.0,0.13621654907369438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297136774928534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067028983386504,0.0,0.0,0.11340063335251067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670511754491469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976489214329355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043471965748647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319417330289767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348321604056094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139123221378916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728265776951292,0.27296392836610817,0.0,0.12374001380429678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230488395930316,0.0,0.0,0.21916720397185385,0.0,0.0,0.09933994516002756
suicidewatch,liluck,2018/01/15,please guys someone fucking help me something *small* has happened in my life triggering flashbacks of bad times and I feel so flippin on edge I can't deal with it can someone >anyone< just chat or message just take my mind off it before I do something stupid ugHhhh,4.2940000000000005,7.1118124000000025,3.649999999999999,86.705,75.0,5.6000000000000005,32.0,6.742157984588678,2.0046000000000004,220,11,37,2,5,65,43,50,0.127,0.775,0.098,-0.3832,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,8,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,8,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794372063297648,0.0,0.0,0.22211177432354096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26910376834473404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319813251398365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24131202088228265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584543043510156,0.2308222201630272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749585507872708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436861835563545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635593268848381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28652542054950736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423287312094329,0.40189728752223997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625718820782406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522049027078994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jeff0431,2018/01/15,"Suicidal I'm pretty done with life, I feel like taking out a large life insurance policy and wandering around east LA picking fights..... I am pretty sure my family would be better off that way, without me.",4.982807017543858,6.930091315789479,6.118421052631582,73.75728070175441,70.05263157894737,10.329824561403509,25.824561403508767,10.504223727775694,3.1720771929824565,162,5,27,5,3,54,34,38,0.097,0.601,0.303,0.8225,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,9,7,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,5,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271052795321636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256273353465851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610698878650073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049849106695376,0.0,0.12899315162396705,0.18225327768184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603887007052256,0.1246356671379026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190846942314387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27905298029472675,0.0,0.2404416423483721,0.0,0.19181375250599075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024973798588455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459205022741787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122545234130533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AirborneBluebeard,2018/01/15,"Worthless college student checking in Hello,

I am 20 years old, college student (computer science)
I have to pass 2 specific exams by the end of this semester, if
I'm not able to do that, I'll be banned from studying 
computer science ever again in Germany.

This would be the only career path I know about so far
that I'm at least somewhat interested in, so if I'm not able to do
this my life is basically over.
The first exam is in 22 days and the other one is in 30 days.
I am scared of what happens if I don't pass. I can at least rewrite the test and try again once per exam (giving me another month of time), but if I don't pass that, my life is over.

If I don't pass these exams, I have to do some job I hate for the rest of my life, without any chance of that ever changing. I am so scared of my future. Even though I studied computer science for three semesters, I basically can't program at all. Nothing worth hiring anybody over at least.



I have no talents, I have no real interests apart from Overwatch (videogame) and anime and sports. I don't like my friends very much and my friends don't like me very much.
I've been depressed since 6th grade and the suicidal thoughts started happening in college. I never felt worse in my entire life.

I have nothing to look forward to, I hate myself, nobody cares about me, I have no parents anymore and the rest of my family lives on the other side of the country and doesn't give a shit about me anyway. Not even calls or postcards. I wonder if they even know my name. The only ""person"" I'm currently living for is my 5-year-old beagle. When he dies, I have nothing to live for.

Basically what I'm doing now is studying for my life.
I can't allow myself a single hour passing without having studied for the exams since my life literally depends on it.

I am scared and most of my life is filled with despair, the only time I can feel ""happy"" is when I watch anime shows, and I feel absolutely pathetic saying that. So fucking worthless.

Nobody ever loved or liked me, except my dog of course, but that is just natural because I feed him. 

I am worse than everybody around me, and everybody knows it. 
I know it. 

This is not depression speaking. It is an undeniable fact.
I can do nothing well.

I can make great plans for a semester and fail 1 week in and do nothing for the rest of the semester until it's too late.

The only skill I have is speaking English fluently and Japanese on the N2 level, and that shit is not marketable.
That is it. That is all I can offer this world.
Nothing else. Literally nothing else.
I can do nothing right. 

I hate myself and I want to die. If I could press a button and be gone, I'd do it without hesitation.


I tried talking to one of my ""friends"" about it.
He did not give a shit, laughed about it and that was all that came out of that conversation.
",3.198699139280123,4.7223707517605655,4.6020328638497645,84.5498528951487,73.8767605633803,7.161564945226918,28.115179968701096,7.793537801064563,1.728023583724569,2209,88,441,30,45,735,241,568,0.155,0.754,0.092,-0.9902,3,0,0,0,0,1,76.0,0,0,1,4,26,31,7,3,23,0,59,13,3,3,8,73,90,37,3,10,22,1,4,3,3,1,7,3,0,1,31,22,1,1,9,2,2,9,21,16,1,4,7,9,65,15,65,78,15,60,0,6,2,2,22,27,4,14,29,321,96,21,0.12778100293846878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043447731897728964,0.06699476150593735,0.0,0.0,0.06336220956760506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568760918805323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03894705668545044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523934538639055,0.0730737130570051,0.06514062432659548,0.0,0.0675876789762776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051011366605763116,0.0,0.0,0.08240817583669048,0.0,0.11005759059156538,0.0,0.13261650703152073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674463145492036,0.0,0.05658802059621538,0.0,0.0,0.12659722096427714,0.17337784913748652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023027867617765,0.0,0.06460991447523913,0.0,0.06134490077904629,0.0,0.0,0.05434522791125297,0.0,0.0,0.14808492884366733,0.059065739090482336,0.0,0.1838687723245925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043950342311511,0.0,0.0,0.1129963188952452,0.06801262685304739,0.0,0.1892359287284834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291927418573437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634014642421119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045019490611632,0.0,0.07207126853165913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315894254580268,0.0936410153519506,0.0,0.16924944997674868,0.0,0.05365193000018192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057663672027703984,0.0,0.04264740584858853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099678872180372,0.0,0.0939337398304117,0.0,0.04927629345755221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490437274368671,0.0,0.13408466750559736,0.0680412989043384,0.08658771458945512,0.19436642153444808,0.0,0.0,0.07094284095049883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055786721511412216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272137808284268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456213916295702,0.0,0.050808291145292506,0.1918966132764039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967480448809774,0.1057017660831511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522202578253047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988583875933832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135276495178856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277209330372865,0.05072192152830459,0.07451013040102636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867549132298961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543270973345098,0.03768427311236803,0.0,0.05124910646298002,0.0,0.05744523376160749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476449043544066,0.06928652345706011,0.0,0.0,0.13021975863078816,0.04538597913570448,0.0,0.0,0.08228677642762743
suicidewatch,outgoestheaccount,2018/01/15,"How can I ask for support when everyone else needs it too? I used to cry and vent to my partner every time I felt suicidal, but I have seen that it has slowly gotten to him. He's worn out and, quite frankly, he isn't the only one who has told me that. The people that have tried to be here for me try their very best, but I realize that no one else should be responsible for me so, I do feel pretty guilty for putting any baggage on them. They've asked me for help too (though not as often as I have asked), and I notice that after a while I sometimes got worn out as well...it's like none of us are properly equipped to deal with one another's problems.

The thing is, they're all suffering from depression. All of my closest friends, who I've known forever, are suicidal now. My partner still suffers from depression and has gotten suicidal in the past. I feel like he might fall back into it. Just about *every* friend I have has a mental illness and shares posts related to it on Facebook.

Is this just life? I'm really wondering if this is just a normal part of growing up. Either way, I realize that I cannot ask for help if everyone else needs help too.

I just have these silly fantasies that one day, I will actually have the courage to accomplish my big goals and bring all my depressed friends up with me, while we live happy lives doing amazing things together like a family. But until then, this is my reality. I'm getting therapy again soon anyway, but I don't know if I should hold on until then.",4.967467758800979,5.370405976821194,5.730139421401187,82.29058382711747,68.70198675496688,9.404252352736146,29.802021610317183,9.414487439383343,2.4288913907284773,1183,42,243,23,19,387,164,302,0.162,0.638,0.2,0.9185,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,2,4,20,19,0,0,9,0,28,2,0,2,3,47,52,26,3,9,13,0,3,3,5,4,2,0,0,2,19,12,0,1,8,1,0,4,6,6,0,4,8,4,33,13,36,38,7,33,0,5,1,0,25,11,0,6,19,174,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.09304432910899707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648388191928577,0.09997901014435118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565440396711121,0.0,0.0,0.07331549353301807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006016073020077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473353944244117,0.06149053793723686,0.09829794815377707,0.2463651348003185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389490391007817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606669026291124,0.18221513568736653,0.0,0.0,0.08988409701598818,0.0,0.0964200058264722,0.06811548471659955,0.09154749295956426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099316827591695,0.0,0.04981455689816563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625722334672458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149801204206342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917260392910844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239988599724412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734597958171032,0.1397442996042355,0.0,0.16838522988747978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608674196851742,0.10114745922914603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139628976211746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934192246212746,0.0,0.10855250437629556,0.0,0.0,0.2584367434324878,0.07251523101769541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325085597991586,0.09101892413676198,0.06610118610789781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131549167655968,0.09700156289717418,0.0,0.09123362464627284,0.0,0.09584946334220784,0.0,0.10141262910644584,0.0,0.0,0.061081343087196885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430002414769807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761437554154441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128804473009647,0.1081979608516362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903691392802682,0.0,0.12668781833678,0.0,0.093677350469252,0.0,0.05559725055936606,0.0,0.0,0.09110756784368326,0.0,0.1294678890545105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468997530725505,0.08234867343147838,0.0,0.07867076260173668,0.0,0.07568153153879338,0.0,0.0,0.08572786110280252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033990998082189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mguelb92,2018/01/15,"It keeps coming back, I'm just tired. I have depression. I've attempted suicide in the past and was stopped. I can't afford to live, I can't afford to die. I'm just not fitting in, I'm not getting better. I'm tired of fighting. I can't afford therapy. I can't afford meds. I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep and start over. Is that really such a bad thing? ",-1.367511363636364,0.6369253625000013,1.701363636363638,95.81818181818184,95.375,4.90909090909091,17.272727272727273,6.574015621080383,-0.09224999999999994,279,8,66,4,11,98,46,80,0.326,0.618,0.056,-0.9712,4,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,0,11,18,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,8,17,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870861814307845,0.16147653047818253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710419321954154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659244487290265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657060688129127,0.0,0.2007132078758262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010407700031344,0.0,0.10991068798965348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189813158942407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077109929700365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481795932383535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461716318054736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389362312250682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353440818557896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368857929472934,0.0,0.0,0.16168666296597412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154245721681636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116374064262764,0.0,0.12848287239544665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6668364151592476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114069228818617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kelseyraven,2018/01/15,"All I can think about is how much I wouldn’t miss the pain Passive suicide is usually my thing. And now the numbness is back. I want to cut myself bad. BAD.
But I keep thinking about how much faster it’d be to get into a terrible car accident.

I’m sick of feeling numb.
I’m sick of pain.
I’m sick of being a disappointment.
I’m sick of fucking up.

I’m just.... I want to sleep forever.",-1.4405838739573649,0.53415089156627,1.5433734939759027,95.3690732159407,100.32530120481928,4.963484708063021,19.63762743280816,6.67199483983844,0.3586522706209454,296,11,69,5,13,103,52,83,0.475,0.468,0.056,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,4,0,8,10,1,2,1,14,22,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,11,0,0,0,1,7,0,11,18,3,7,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758063725469738,0.3818017197567706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156048377255761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113695781260715,0.11945246667891884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032214900501758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33614638986135376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865679913802941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288003391531457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500898233562994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189508188776438,0.2930004361422505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518093951750513,0.0,0.26970995478603577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,verysadlady,2018/01/15,"It doesn't REALLY matter if I live or die I've figured if I decide to kill myself,  it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  I'm riddled with anxiety and completely useless. If anything, I'm a detriment to society and the local community.  I think it's better if I just go.",2.397931034482756,4.154205000000005,5.209862068965517,78.3713448275862,76.58620689655173,8.088275862068969,27.11724137931035,8.841846274778883,2.3772786206896557,222,9,42,5,5,80,40,58,0.275,0.629,0.095,-0.8796,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,6,7,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,5,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27373572194367884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944601063232924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164678004864757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751734945266763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713666386350027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033606217585354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958811798480733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159666959294841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292323402841624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377235307463475,0.2292802944121072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doctorfunkenstein123,2018/01/15,"Don't know how long I can bear this First of all thank you for going into my post and reading through my pain.

I just want to end it. There is just to much pain in this life to enjoy it. I have tried so much, but I have failed much more. 
The must crushing aspect is this unbearable loneliness. Maybe I am just a wimp but because of borderline and depression, am I can't hold this anymore.
Just seeing a couple, or hearing about love in one more pop song gives me shivers down my spine. I want this so bad. Someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I want someone so cuddle the living crap out of and appreciates me. But I know I am not gonna find this ever ... And with every day going on it is getting harder. I have already set my goal, that if I am still single with 25 will definitely kill myself, but I don't know if I can hold out that long. To go to sleep every night with so many painful memories is premium nightmare fuel everytime I close my eyes.
Exercise, talking with friends, talking with professionals and everything you can imagine, I have tried and given up. I want the permission for my final choice... Let me give up, one last time and let me rest for I can not bear this anymore... But our primal instincts will torture us with the will to live forever 

I am sorry for my whining, but I don't know what or who to turn to anymore... Just tired and let me sleep for ever.
I even prayed for it,  even though I am a highly unreligious person.
",3.541515151515153,4.7548479831649875,4.653451178451178,85.74462121212125,72.53535353535355,7.554882154882156,26.631313131313128,8.00094639256281,1.5183616161616165,1149,39,237,16,22,377,150,297,0.172,0.737,0.091,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,2,2,0,3,18,16,3,0,7,1,31,13,5,1,4,54,53,25,1,7,17,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,1,15,19,0,3,6,3,0,4,6,11,0,3,1,4,41,5,36,43,8,29,1,3,2,2,14,11,1,4,12,179,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039452410635281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802449260671453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864791915543788,0.057419688569527075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422368870005666,0.0,0.060747232202187,0.0,0.08112901351594279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342778109377667,0.0,0.0,0.12442828153861435,0.17040743596675012,0.1587247399133005,0.0,0.1693106935233578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318474393353066,0.08609146026775796,0.08012122936801652,0.0,0.0,0.07277392456736824,0.0,0.049212391962331625,0.1807186223733897,0.21413011235082904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616329974710076,0.0,0.0,0.09952096006155192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421152431750068,0.0,0.20706587704870894,0.07678054878477299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889587395240329,0.06653189249555193,0.0,0.0,0.16634976701348755,0.16671716272370793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501361518399474,0.0,0.0,0.09549776609453932,0.09463036946542644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772992414269426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839453486636006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765636299112054,0.0,0.3006866501864877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822464249704619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021165796589403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421932687811486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506029252332692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852372470105164,0.0,0.15962026431067164,0.0,0.0,0.10544228840941658,0.0,0.0,0.07522331965431442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514188758616701,0.08232956502687443,0.08672102948139684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254496629789956,0.0,0.05492518365964301,0.10826195879991472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790286413088334,0.1024558458756258,0.0,0.0,0.11330358775465912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222318614273637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neverendingtunnel,2018/01/15,"I feel empty and alone, i just want someone to talk to Ever since i was 12, ive had depression. After school one day, i told one of my friends that i was going to kill myself once i got home, which i had been planning for a couple days. she promised she wouldnt tell anyone, but when she got home she told her mum, whos friends with my mum. My friends mum texted my mum about it, and she started to beat me. My mum has this thing with reputation, so her having a suicidal daughter ""hurt her reputation"". Ever since then, i stopped talking to anyone about my problems. I would really like someone to talk to on here because no one knows who i really am.",6.053571428571432,5.1696024090909125,6.424891774891776,82.58590909090911,66.57575757575756,9.361038961038963,31.73593073593073,8.418075326091056,2.152383982683983,506,17,108,6,7,164,79,132,0.191,0.6940000000000001,0.115,-0.9023,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,2,15,21,6,2,4,2,6,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,9,1,27,5,15,10,0,11,0,2,0,0,25,1,0,0,10,74,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077743994763456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900840201166428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285869654298354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039856902274215,0.0,0.17532092577522054,0.0,0.1170721137508336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24590412064565365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872782891411508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31504625062541697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772493827553097,0.0,0.2174234840463048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27268797249641497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551066101495044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038101537680731,0.0,0.07470089571284758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640615179805255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475582542316084,0.27631915392717005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006199060365786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415423538124994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756348644078792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487734132713327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303378400705544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620850534704106,0.0,0.0,0.11363949350460865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868002871639646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277544078990418,0.1188045531946326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030261541181317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597645698885722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017216231456807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655731119513287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyandsad111,2018/01/15,Been abandoned for the last time It hurts so bad I’m so lonely. I know I’m not perfect but nobody is. Why can’t I have someone? I’ve made a reasonable effort but I’ll never have anyone to be there for me. Only an honest death can cure me now. ,-2.245000000000001,-0.7004514259259249,0.938222222222226,97.95400000000002,109.55555555555556,2.900740740740741,12.807407407407407,4.935628992294339,-1.256934814814815,189,4,43,1,10,66,43,54,0.27,0.6559999999999999,0.075,-0.8622,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,2,9,11,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,3,8,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427558656337272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28988024575722515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716626621421859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908006847841216,0.282997498091667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285094843077023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26776610859412503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640455312475821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569581823693655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29416392666894536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244306408222607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132753524888226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pure_Hearts,2018/01/15,"Long time I’ve been extremely depressed for the last year. I don’t know why, but every day I feel so empty and there’s like nothing going through my mind. At the end of the night when I’m driving home I’m always thinking that I could just flip the car right now, and it’ll be over. Then I think that’s so inconvenient for my parents because that’d be even more money they’d have to pay for my death.

About two months ago I sat on the edge of a bridge, before I could jump the police came and picked me up. They put me in the hospital for about a week, then they let me go. (Honestly being in the hospital was one of the most scary places I’ve ever been). I feel like I should’ve came out of the hospital a different person, but I feel exactly the same. I want this to change because I feel like shit every day and it’s getting harder and harder to stand it.

I don’t know what to do or where to go, but I need something. I’m a social person, but when I’m alone I get in my head. When I say get in my head, I don’t mean overthinking, I just start thinking of killing myself and how I should. I don’t trust guns because people can live that, jumping didn’t work the first time, so I was going to try and hang myself.

I don’t know what’s wrong. I just want to be happy. 
",3.095855636658559,3.3714673284671544,4.343017031630172,91.0377291159773,72.7956204379562,7.402757502027574,23.616382806163827,7.1686216300943375,0.6137686942416867,984,23,233,9,18,325,137,274,0.14300000000000002,0.7759999999999999,0.081,-0.9623,3,1,1,1,0,2,28.0,0,0,3,2,17,10,2,0,16,0,24,3,3,2,2,42,53,21,2,6,8,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,10,10,0,0,11,0,2,12,6,4,0,3,8,5,35,6,28,34,3,46,0,1,0,0,8,12,1,2,24,145,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752344718683854,0.0,0.0,0.11394444982228867,0.0,0.0,0.09154297110742343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011960565718656,0.0,0.09361637800760107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516603162916423,0.0,0.0,0.1163834158483168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567927121016358,0.0,0.0,0.14190374847861045,0.0,0.09475749520543313,0.0,0.0,0.11494436643971725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744242194489353,0.0,0.0,0.0726652018824225,0.0995166901260073,0.18538816299501268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251163697854445,0.1571923573117682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358041813489204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243805119738648,0.0,0.25010082355352725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711515995027535,0.0,0.0,0.2258183979247021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035603790925974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171752851310008,0.0,0.18138742542268255,0.0896785523210377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249985337504388,0.0,0.16124627143935266,0.0,0.09714704128078593,0.0973615976752308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984078369295766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108582446034168,0.0,0.08781453304265126,0.0,0.0,0.08157622380329536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032435173409278,0.0,0.10556429462239338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455037772459204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216087732056688,0.0,0.0,0.07627194689016285,0.19212523071714788,0.11494436643971725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105974886071524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939539310708535,0.0,0.08748994737606543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293088657358726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214849367465822,0.0,0.08469647433932519,0.0,0.0,0.07787061061822861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211483385873314,0.0,0.0,0.12830361424925738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469433257845337,0.0,0.10747063914014868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978177369036864,0.0,0.08824901460855229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927324544742204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009369839582296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028633691354122,0.0,0.0708473516538079
suicidewatch,SkullShapedCeiling,2018/01/15,"It never ends... About 11:45pm I took my medication (Latuda, for bipolar disorder) as usual (I try to take it around 11:30pm but unfortunately I sometimes forgot--not sure if this ties in or not) and was fine for about 20 minutes. I then (~12:05am) had a wave of severe nausea. I instantly launched into a panic attack. I tried to calm myself down because I was very aware of why I was panicking, but it snowballed. I had not taking Klonopin at all today so I thought maybe I was having a withdrawal, and since I was panicking, what was the harm in taking some? It just takes so long to kick in that it doesn't really help with panic attacks. I couldn't stop freaking out so I took Zofran for the nausea to see if that would quell some anxiety after the fact. About 20 minutes later (~12:25am) I was sobbing in the shower, incredibly upset and trying to ground myself but I couldn't focus. I don't know what happened.

I fear the suffering will never stop, as I frequently have panic attacks and feel sick to my stomach--which, long story short, has traumatized me in the past--and that makes me question life. I have little to no quality. I have not been able to see my therapist for over a month now. I'm not sure it would help anyways. Once a week is not enough, nor does it really solve my problems, though I do enjoy her company. I see a psychiatrist monthly for medication changes but that doesn't seem to be helping either.

I fear that things will never be manageable and I just want it all to stop... and right now seems like a good time. I am the camel and this is my straw.",3.1901647426647415,5.220361996753251,4.221875901875901,85.11167628667631,75.13636363636364,7.16036556036556,25.36844636844637,8.045849151850463,1.5408899470899473,1237,43,241,20,27,401,166,308,0.244,0.644,0.112,-0.9951,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,0,0,13,21,3,6,14,0,30,5,0,2,8,53,48,22,0,8,15,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,0,18,11,0,3,6,0,0,2,15,14,0,0,13,4,36,7,35,27,6,38,0,2,3,0,5,15,1,8,22,173,54,1,0.0919981818774626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037835732616178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189788661815595,0.0,0.31398363952311514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608123777624893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732187790276317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543788678026426,0.0,0.08050822892577489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148308263636181,0.09505871454358583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704706325836267,0.04651704499332037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716371013464042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135368840557873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849933262220544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055979479954455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498103656951984,0.044945664657666216,0.09220634703078928,0.0,0.1628309918952048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614095007807962,0.0,0.09242453909200253,0.0,0.0,0.1853569790838577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686414212147686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286400811573244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797506120364984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238201329527452,0.0,0.0,0.08782267441329981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802983543087907,0.0,0.0,0.10305901847577684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787278211756702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856594465382738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199319197347312,0.16750337914234734,0.0,0.1039317592801676,0.0,0.07610184673201682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098855426422996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074379836635706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341439533149533,0.0,0.2766847338274029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068169799189828,0.06111950414402094,0.0,0.0903877465943246,0.07303628011406918,0.05364487968252928,0.0,0.0872035193547771,0.0,0.20442673023593697,0.1873821797266082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132299993278918,0.07590813487794007,0.05426291126202913,0.0,0.07379539225731449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301404974259291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070573769792318,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrussiansThrowAway,2018/01/15,"Someone talk to me in my final night. Please. Hello. First off I wanna say thank you to everyone in this subreddit, you have all been amazing people obviously this isn't my official account as I don't want any personal info of who I am to be related to this thread. It's been 6 months today that I officially started recognizing I was suicidal. I've had some good times and worse times in between then and now. I have had friends come and go, and I lurked this subreddit helping out people every now and then. Honestly I have stopped taking my Bipolar medication a week ago, and I can feel it affecting me now. I know I am rambling. I just need someone to talk to before I go through with this if I do. Ask me any questions about me or anything you want to know. I don't know anymore. ",2.0162500000000034,4.328822993630574,3.945155254777074,84.25493033439494,80.21019108280254,7.2371019108280255,27.646894904458605,8.278499904357787,2.1399812101910825,618,28,122,13,16,209,95,157,0.077,0.795,0.128,0.8341,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,16,2,0,1,2,27,30,11,1,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,6,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,5,2,25,5,19,24,2,24,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,4,16,87,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076629598853288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597839605084584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748656828464058,0.0,0.0,0.13067856991151286,0.0,0.14845622338642636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351267941825873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367918254268603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379554239366667,0.15173985751069846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029386741171796,0.0,0.0,0.1739572392921147,0.0,0.13507488935116996,0.0,0.0,0.12268820493799926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049898547917054,0.1331936005702155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644004873094916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181638110812344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997392681040878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675235450500866,0.0,0.0,0.11774791803166708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490227011055822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018334587769356,0.1386577170625542,0.0,0.17431431381154391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789193544568602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628384438427104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691008327010925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239919977493062,0.0,0.0,0.1327636063638242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370102767894874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939756349513435,0.2552742645616242,0.0,0.1462013695248572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519468969557654,0.0,0.1505234870769004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873282794671427,0.0,0.12737948943995425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618303958271525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MegalomaniacalGoogly,2018/01/15,"[FL] I'm 17.5 years old, I'm getting ready to just jump off a bridge. I'm a straight-A student in high school. I'm also autistic. All through my life I've been bullied throughout my childhood. My mom keeps abusing me, she yells at me over the tiniest of things, including me getting up from the computer to do anything and she doesn't allow me to do anything. My mom has also smashed a variety of stuff including a TV, an Entire PC, and so on. She forces to do things, even though I'm busy doing other stuff, like I'm her slave. I have to eat in order for me to cope with this abuse. I'm well over 240 lbs. I can't call the cops on her because I'll go to a foster home. I have no friends. I'm just getting ready to just jump off a bridge and end this shit, I can't take this abuse anymore. 

tl;dr Kid who does extremely well in school, who got bullied throughout life is just getting ready to end it all.",2.247766143106457,3.4863488900523585,3.400083769633511,93.3651169284468,75.80628272251309,6.1404537521815,26.345898778359512,6.42735559955562,0.7868405584642235,702,26,160,5,15,227,103,191,0.14800000000000002,0.765,0.087,-0.9434,0,0,0,0,2,2,27.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,0,10,0,12,4,1,1,2,12,28,7,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,11,4,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,2,0,2,1,18,4,26,26,2,22,0,0,0,0,12,13,1,0,6,94,29,5,0.0,0.4562886973879444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053132298454372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273075194985328,0.0,0.0,0.21127344088140654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825252957921516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107906576376294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233654632445607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135349853027886,0.0,0.0,0.2273936021044085,0.0,0.0,0.08478649069823338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917754391697947,0.0,0.2682699438909899,0.0,0.0729550410668133,0.0,0.1026683880292721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562885945538705,0.12876453844891472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410023427926727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813415925851031,0.0627145921264072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30068836064372645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347016347710389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598324917202496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176889784890108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29390350581163377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651748595639813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705652726489042,0.0,0.12612185633617592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083823203484416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266540471062953
suicidewatch,throwaway493210002,2018/01/15,"If life is this hard at 15, well I don't need to live more to see it get worse I'll try to tell all this shit I've gone through. I have no one to trust irl. My biological family ruins my life and tells me to go to school and go to find a work when they're the reason I stopped my education. I would have been in 10th grade rn but I failed class 4 times and dropped out of school. 

In my birthday at 2016, I fought with my elder sister who have been treating like shit. I told him I was gonna kill him in next 5 years and two times, people saved him. My family treats her like some queen and me like something useless. Well they ain't wrong. I actually am. This is probably my only reason to live. 

In 2009 and 2012, I was sexually assaulted twice by people I know. And when I told my ex-close friends, they were like ""Oh you lucky motherfucker you had sex with a woman at the age of 7-8"". Yeah, I'm too lucky to have a close friend like you.

In 2015, I had my first relationship. She was different. But then she communicated with her ex to try to kill me. I have been stabbed a lot of times in my right leg. Then I beated the dogshit out of those two. Then I learned why people does this to me. Violence is great if you're the one doing it. 

In 2016, I met with the best person ever I could find. She was cute, sweet, a great listener, respectful, honest and the reason I didn't end my life earlier. Unfortunately, I met him with another close friend of mine then we broke up 2 days later. That friend was broke up from his long distance relationship and was talking to a girl who sent him a tit pic after two days they met. That two fuckers then said ""She was a bitch, don't care brother. Relax!"" Yeah relax. With some dogshit brained dumbass who thinks nothing but girls. He'd trade his whole family to have the most ugly person ever. Doing the same shit to his son would be another great reason to live but it won't be worth it to live another ten year.

In 2017 my elder brother (non biological) killed himself. He was a happy, great and caring person. All of his friends were shocked why would a person that great kill himself? I'll join you brother, I won't let you be alone like you never let me.

All of the old friends I don't see anymore are looking great and happy. And here I am hearing their success. Well I'd be even more glad if your personality was as nice as your appearance.

I have been suicidal since 8 years and no shit changed. It only got worse. I tried killing myself at the start of year. I told my friend that I was gonna kill myself in my birthday, which everyone will remember it as I was dead from the start. But sorry friend, I won't live to see my next birthday. 

I'm a dissappointment. I probably deserved this life. I will let this rope get the better of me, and everyone. Thanks for everyone in this subreddit for being great personalities.",1.8155458221024248,3.878131854202408,3.2657188801764288,90.19162414236706,79.51457975986278,6.565657926978682,21.731469002695427,7.6454224807358475,0.7472666258270038,2233,66,490,35,56,731,249,583,0.207,0.5539999999999999,0.239,0.9763,1,1,1,0,0,4,73.0,1,8,4,8,10,67,14,0,23,2,57,13,7,4,6,64,91,32,8,8,8,6,1,6,8,10,4,3,0,9,22,25,0,1,10,2,2,5,11,21,3,9,31,9,86,46,61,40,12,58,0,5,4,3,74,21,7,10,37,309,108,11,0.0,0.0,0.047617608445087986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053767600122147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349978026723754,0.0,0.0,0.04839226743129793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120812412996965,0.04315587128591169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447218936590095,0.0,0.0,0.09950102859626236,0.0,0.05161942833750145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038959431996894216,0.0,0.0,0.06293843776643541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050981168089854624,0.0,0.0,0.04270148545392181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321854690338816,0.0,0.0,0.03222912950147811,0.08827709028646911,0.0,0.13987927690518318,0.0,0.0,0.1380008575955359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919685420809607,0.04150563594046068,0.0,0.0,0.3015957735923103,0.0,0.050987525794584695,0.0,0.055463492991979,0.0,0.03902641501321578,0.3765823694357693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038879562388388,0.043711403238768834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499635120801255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239115742412174,0.0,0.026816865443363664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496908664420288,0.13786351158773333,0.14303481802082452,0.0,0.2154376849588896,0.04318269899013201,0.04097613644618698,0.0,0.0,0.041484397617337083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036181426777731784,0.03763428686110945,0.0,0.10378965719336672,0.0,0.0,0.04682083354866863,0.0,0.05120292626036326,0.0,0.06613051958371262,0.07422272609135996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148647729474812,0.2556393754181045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052201327287352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006806119451321,0.0,0.10477673809554174,0.05527606715043762,0.041671299786039166,0.0464159277991524,0.0,0.0,0.0987677984473787,0.1166516739557668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035252493957792,0.04036434467139816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037565348599974575,0.0,0.054622841785766825,0.06907575920686065,0.0,0.0,0.04079542791668249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053374625379723734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03922017164240545,0.08529926413001389,0.04492456626575002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03126634323882088,0.0,0.0,0.0853595742946793,0.0,0.0,0.13987927690518318,0.0,0.09938732386346444,0.0,0.190665411048274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316197052067328,0.0,0.08806114070209264,0.05447870692014208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035523883660684215,0.0,0.09945406619345508,0.10398929211691638,0.053350487292635126,0.0,0.1256914403117991
suicidewatch,Ph1sh_,2018/01/15,"Tried to kill Myself before, considering it again I tried to kill myself about 3 months ago, Unfortunately I survived. I had to go to a hospital and go to outpatient therapy. I was prescribed  lexapro antidepressants and they worked, but my parents stopped giving them to me. I'm a freshman in high school and I've asked my friends for support but they don't seem to care. I don't feel worth it, and if I just died no one would give a fuck. I really need help, i need some support that isn't a 70 year therapist or a high school kid that doesn't give a shit",3.972323008849557,4.999516353982301,4.85149336283186,85.43794800884956,71.3008849557522,8.481858407079647,28.28429203539823,8.841846274778883,1.9439566371681416,440,16,95,8,8,143,72,113,0.21600000000000005,0.594,0.19,-0.3155,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,3,2,3,8,4,0,6,0,7,2,1,0,0,16,22,8,3,4,5,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,2,1,16,4,10,19,1,10,0,0,0,1,11,3,2,4,5,56,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127535854987422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450301611497942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242640261834803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466894018171323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931877218429485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727471512885041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115690019231897,0.1330094395722918,0.0,0.4140519146687554,0.16353412069124526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643588704579048,0.3040221202957104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31835111480696554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148390656296161,0.0,0.0,0.21336188884846227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749292541439468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597553448376739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216953822770607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912168743868704,0.0,0.13097772725625384,0.0,0.0,0.14768486542581707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028532774779545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265336217194298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453276071833622,0.1670491106961583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536236347054656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474217840604133,0.0,0.0,0.10220414985465788,0.0,0.0,0.0926503095143088
suicidewatch,mightyowl0809,2018/01/15,"Help me plan for my suicide Yeah, title explains what I am trying to do. Im just a 16 yr old high schooler with low self esteem trying to end this painfully boring life. I have been thinking of suiciding since when I was 4th grade, the day I learned about suicide. I thought it was awful at that moment, but now I think its awesome! The quickest and easiest way to run away from this fucked up life! But since I dont know how to do suicide, I need you guys to help me. My plan date is June 20th, the day 2nd semester ends. Any advices? Pls dont type hotlines or cursed words about me trying to kill myself like a coward. I know I am a coward, and by kill myself I can finally show everyone that I am not a coward.",2.89612407862408,3.9701252094594617,4.168083538083536,89.14350122850125,73.93243243243244,6.733169533169535,25.61670761670761,6.980632752743323,0.9764918918918921,553,18,119,5,11,182,97,148,0.28800000000000003,0.597,0.115,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,5,16.0,0,1,0,2,6,7,3,0,7,2,13,4,0,1,0,18,21,7,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,20,1,16,17,0,18,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,1,12,73,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433781191537174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652781136200985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954651128151915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411901800234624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982495199554364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253943926474464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215836213886222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938560024291066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763166698803194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598796591187264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705730689061414,0.13443643145411158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744142860373262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28154522297560913,0.0,0.13985595380675309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974726528881338,0.06216321511092255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434711828598737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351735878609336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135392719322513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273945064017192,0.0,0.0,0.2105090893536899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5567212288344973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306097612153053,0.0,0.10101463681120748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591635663866391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009974790734324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emonemomemeo,2018/01/15,"I know how, I'll know where by monday, when is TBD I'm gonna hang myself, deciding between two places, and I'll have it confirmed by monday which one. Idk when to do it. I know all the things I need to get and where to get them, I think I'll have a better idea of when I'll do it once I've gotten some of this other stuff sorted out.",0.8305701754385986,1.7465384605263168,2.857894736842109,97.13359649122809,78.86842105263158,5.592982456140351,16.614035087719298,5.46131890053228,-0.8302912280701755,257,3,66,1,6,87,48,76,0.021,0.935,0.044,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,15,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,6,1,9,13,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530209599361363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29893760308636985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229577284705804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716782793241712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213010101244972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046736276550593,0.19386015213657332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989003281454206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275015020009537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900636837504072,0.1833131841451608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794657128484456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fakeearpods,2018/01/15,"Had a bad LSD trip in attempt get over girl. I took LSD in hopes of getting over a girl and I had a bad trip. Seriously considering suicide and my feelings of infatuation just makes me want to cry.


I feel like I lost the light in my world after that bad trip and I feel like there's no purpose in living knowing that she will never love me.


Like what the fuck is the point knowing she will never share these feelings?


And the worst part is is that she doesn't even know my name. She probably doesn't even know that I care about her this much.


I'm a weird creepy loser.",2.3121186440677945,3.9654722457627187,3.312000000000001,92.3342711864407,76.54237288135593,6.07593220338983,21.969491525423727,6.742157984588678,0.273976949152543,447,12,101,4,10,143,69,118,0.314,0.588,0.098,-0.9841,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,16,1,0,8,0,9,2,0,1,2,19,28,4,1,2,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,9,0,0,4,5,16,7,11,22,3,15,0,2,0,2,10,8,1,1,6,65,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038543902422432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438206190262813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771007092393556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297833140104053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260856361321691,0.2303617488287397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905211732108067,0.1684693060900098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013516978410572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544254122825053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236302665830065,0.0,0.14236673274511807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599873376377287,0.0,0.1455140076224426,0.0,0.10762052990221288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852067734361485,0.0,0.24869699377948115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459354396843488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152411989945344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383038764151446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635658840875362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912955450248672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509608757286198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daego12,2018/01/15,"I feel hollow, I want to be something in life. 
Sorry in advance I'm crying as I'm typing this, my emotions are all over the place

I'm 16, I've always wanted to be a software engineer. I'm in gr11 and I've done nothing to be a better student. I've always been interested in computers and my entire family thinks I'm some great genius when it comes to computers. Truth be told I'm struggling to keep a 50 average in all my important courses like physics and functions. 

I want to be something in life, I want to be able to be on my deathbed and be glad the way I lived. Everyday is a harder struggle to continue, even though I'd probably never have the strength to actually end it but I dream everyday that something might happen to me, maybe a car slips on the icy roads and hits me. I want to be better but every time I try I fail. I'm tired of failing. I'm so tired ",3.193681318681317,4.0867997967033,5.171098901098902,82.92390109890111,73.01098901098902,8.237362637362638,28.83516483516484,8.617729084823388,2.1144263736263733,681,27,142,12,13,236,99,182,0.166,0.733,0.102,-0.9491,0,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,6,4,12,0,2,9,0,15,4,0,0,4,22,35,11,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,4,0,0,3,1,15,8,23,21,3,22,0,2,0,0,1,11,0,2,8,81,19,6,0.13416776832510602,0.0,0.13092838795204612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232766624046348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732097611102404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155736523859818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737699347208144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730020905079324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092068087782748,0.11883281963259147,0.0,0.0,0.08861654561237306,0.0,0.11304213142230045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648143135131368,0.0,0.06783925495555101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792043823226028,0.0,0.0,0.11864411443403187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925447712393428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953332516064367,0.06554759452789727,0.0,0.1184725974985326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347895566563181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233079983632058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347845411287593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873759223266118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017676174590638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446555466362856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098667087022939,0.0,0.15018983216297685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805225647980902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859692884856853,0.13181915117244933,0.0,0.07823430465898122,0.3084122256273454,0.0,0.1282030522680363,0.0,0.09109110768913216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956781296257998,0.10649612950090044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galacticspacewarrior,2018/01/15,"Can't stop crying I'm crying so hard rn and idk why....I'm laying in bed, it's 11:30 at night, I'm listening to Angela by The Lumineers on repeat, and I can't stop crying. I just want everything to end. I want to get away, by I can't do that. I feel more and more like my only option is killing myself. ",-0.4053304904051167,1.380309746268658,2.7607675906183395,92.31701492537312,85.86567164179105,5.619616204690832,15.541577825159914,6.868970318607317,-0.31823923240938123,231,4,55,3,7,83,46,67,0.111,0.64,0.249,0.7527,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,9,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902407509957595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6980658054472899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876211612049924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903818398787822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710912885341624,0.15133353637321809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067399857212136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976075831264316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343618270443284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349090291336628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987909190244399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611085408330713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542037438090025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498891817036424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imsosoweak,2018/01/15,"I don't know what else to say other than I wanna kill myself I'm not planning on letting anyone know because I don't wanna go to a hospital (they suck). My family doesn't talk to me, I'm a 20 yr old chick and I hardly have anything besides 80k in medical debt and 1k in credit debt. My family sucked anyway. So no one would miss me.

Sometimes I have to cam (being nude on webcam and being paid for it in case you don't know) to eat. I don't work enough. I'm letting myself starve but I'd rather just end it sooner. I'm still thinking of hanging  (even if it's slow and painful I deserve it)

Well, toodles.",1.5075524475524489,2.9535797692307715,3.8144755244755264,88.76416083916084,78.23076923076924,6.265734265734268,22.58741258741259,6.980632752743323,0.676307692307692,470,14,102,5,11,163,84,130,0.141,0.8220000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.8673,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,1,2,7,7,3,0,2,0,12,4,1,0,0,16,25,7,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,4,0,4,2,7,5,1,1,1,2,15,2,15,19,1,11,0,1,0,1,5,5,2,1,4,67,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399248570538,0.0,0.15769555525106932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681616061454575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960858193863571,0.1600826747125763,0.0,0.16972772438786576,0.19800550961873772,0.0,0.12657012327406292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613043195802586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890801665746122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166326804326215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201073126370776,0.0,0.31594529707991303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919102938166531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304754583053346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108395073064905,0.0,0.12985377119019711,0.0,0.2039083393280281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523922474274245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952744251870055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303634710692546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402531921879856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278907247200785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229881343364611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139509270143336,0.0,0.0,0.1361287932791463,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NofutureThefool,2018/01/15,What drug? I am going to kill myslef and would like to know what an efficient drug would be. Ive tried looking it up online but i have no idea what drugs they are talking about. The other day i took 45 advil. I didnt die i just got really sick. Can i od on advil?,-1.4012068965517237,0.5962936206896536,0.8685344827586192,101.74866379310349,95.55172413793105,4.279310344827587,12.422413793103447,5.985473137389443,-1.2000413793103446,202,3,51,2,8,67,46,58,0.174,0.701,0.125,-0.6162,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,9,6,0,0,0,7,14,2,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,1,8,1,5,8,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342586453256384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160575986678097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7242668681236221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183132867352846,0.0,0.16650027542897686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350094734927629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303199269329633,0.0,0.11441008560355448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170605639084926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748184659542801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336520792724274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673269086750832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129523961358106,0.14134031007641004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29576968613468024,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heikaru,2018/01/15,"So close to ending it all Life is so extremely difficult...I have a few friends that I hang with but only one I feel close to. He’s joining the army and soon will forget I ever existed. My other friends constantly ignore me and don’t care about me at all. Im always supportive and when they are struggling I try my best to help but whenever I try to talk to them about my struggles they either dismiss me or tell me they are too busy. It makes me feel so worthless and unimportant. I’m in college and I’ve tried to make new friends but I’m too shy and awkward. Plus I’m sure no one wants to be around me anyways. 
My family hates me, my dad wanted me gone so bad that he payed me to leave as soon as I was 18. I see a therapist twice a week and i usually leave her office feeling a bit better but then I come back to the rest of my life where I have no support and I feel terrible again. I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I’m hoping to save up for a shotgun so I can stop all the negative thoughts and the pain. ",0.7746966731898262,2.5724809771689507,2.8634442270058758,93.10753424657536,81.69406392694063,6.36320939334638,22.757338551859107,7.447530270364453,0.7955064579256366,790,27,183,12,21,267,126,219,0.225,0.588,0.187,-0.856,0,0,0,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,4,2,18,21,1,3,9,0,11,3,0,2,5,41,34,24,0,3,6,1,5,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,6,15,0,2,6,0,1,3,5,9,0,3,3,6,34,12,22,29,8,23,0,1,1,0,14,7,0,2,14,125,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384725663237243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237724264263098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110237388720066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596687799925968,0.10420645887001506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097451540794672,0.11037934751005604,0.13625407806763598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724640107799468,0.0,0.0,0.10750793755163654,0.0,0.13486921617565842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053965232040293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128927227694242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765447870199815,0.0,0.3155242667659928,0.08916028654590513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892707038663476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321850424513177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365375691311644,0.0,0.0,0.123958927179726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481016589476552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26429967334336824,0.0,0.0,0.17630607378638147,0.06097312452868287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661580897160355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205368648579823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691413794844202,0.09491936823734608,0.13280067835613074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945294636650986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434206472172283,0.0,0.26094530851562825,0.0,0.0,0.28325310267853304,0.11762666769029526,0.0,0.09383737485772277,0.10031304724310727,0.10908454443407907,0.0,0.0,0.14490752485216754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908075086719914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542019806793033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745441166744266,0.0,0.14722573448935472,0.0,0.1001105596283749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,khristianking,2018/01/15,"i’m a fuckup this post is going to be all over place and i apologize, i just really need somebody right now. i’m f14 im in 9 grade.  in 5 grade there was nothing wrong w my life but i was so depressed and had suicidal thoughts but i knew i would never act on these thoughts. well i would be okay for a few months then depressed and each season of depressed would get worse and worse. these seasons have probably happened 5 or 6 times since. well this depression season has been the worst. some days i can’t get out of bed and i just lay there with tears in my eyes because all i want to do is die. and i’m scared because i think one day i’ll actually kill myself. i’m so done with trying. i’m bisexual and i came out to my mom i’m 8 grade and she isn’t supportive at all and it makes me so suicidal that i can’t be myself. she’s emotionally abusive but doesn’t realize it. i’m not good at explaining my situation but basically i’m so depressed and wanna die. i turned to pills at the beginning of this school year and i haven’t taken any since january 2nd and i’m trying so hard to stop but i just wanna escape reality and get away. it’s my escape, i don’t know how to cope. i’m trying hard not to start cutting myself again but i know i also can’t take pills again. idk what to do. i’m bad at explaining and this post sounds really stupid. idk what i was trying to accomplish. i think i’m going to give it a week",-0.03713479052823132,2.1250070852459046,2.493183060109292,92.27766165755921,87.98360655737707,6.01183970856102,18.964025500910747,7.3871296695380915,0.44798178506375175,1111,32,254,20,36,382,146,305,0.311,0.62,0.069,-0.9986,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,1,17,17,3,1,5,1,25,4,1,2,4,57,63,29,5,7,12,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,13,20,0,1,10,0,0,4,10,12,2,1,11,4,31,5,30,46,7,37,0,5,1,0,7,14,0,2,17,154,44,5,0.0,0.1168267913060128,0.09622095359847152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788516765574941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705247995960206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263946384137704,0.0,0.08232823062792034,0.1202132596488037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127739807422412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717977020765686,0.0,0.42462713617098863,0.0,0.20466582009332165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009036867464949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091354639693496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454582392265304,0.0945876545831522,0.1120751411055142,0.08270235723835158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719308324387202,0.0,0.17665536090968972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650666522136328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908807887392301,0.0,0.10837773881306824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964523725872893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581734422231075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548102075999353,0.07870286904324092,0.0,0.0,0.07311184876328562,0.07604764472685158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461090969160027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681500671799928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301770226084933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886618392699525,0.0,0.10630921879027116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633343988198364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842052411709074,0.0,0.0,0.09871741863932336,0.09979009931155784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312855107530952,0.11083234744152323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979073118599845,0.0,0.0,0.08243536592409059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570832806190532,0.11189194516474647,0.0,0.0,0.0741361439835682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263598681334786,0.0,0.15655733812732928,0.05749539512514005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677760990809598,0.10725024385904518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058157787697804005,0.0,0.07909226866307609,0.0,0.17730938842292845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200966940610116,0.21013127660660325,0.10780538817190492,0.0,0.06349620781519033
suicidewatch,whywhywhywhy1092,2018/01/15,"I'm done with this world, I don't see an end to this pain tearing in my heart on the daily I hate my life. That goes without saying, since I'm posting on here it kind of implies that already. Every morning the struggle of getting out of bed feels as if I'm moving a mountain aside. I dread waking up and I just hope one day, I'll just fall asleep and never having to wake up again.

If by some reason a nuclear war actually happened with North Korea/China I'd be jumping circles knowing I was going to die. Knowing that the end of me is coming soon would make me happier than I've ever been. I wouldn't wish a war for the sake of humanity and the rest of the people who are content with their lives, good for them, but for me it'd work out so great.

I'm 20 years old and there's nothing worth be hanging around the next 60 years for.

- School wise, I have failed my first year 2 times already. I am 2 years behind my peers and I honestly don't know how I am going to be able to start again in September with classmates being born in 2000 or 2001 while I'm in my 20's and a constant failure. 

- Friend wise, I literally have 0 friends. One or two acquaintances where we'd message each other every month or so for a bit but I haven't seen them since the end of high school 

But no one I can call to chat. No one to turn to for help. No one to watch the movies or do anything with. Everything I do is alone.

- I moved out across the country and during the off semesters while I wait until September I work full time. However I REALLY don't even want to go back home at all. The shame and constant feeling of failure is unbearable. 

My parents don't know how I'm feeling. My older brother doesn't either. In fact hes much older than me but we barely talk at all. Never called or texted him or anything like that. Only at family gatherings or something. So basically our relationship is very distant and it's as if he doesn't exist tbh

I dread calling home. When I first moved out I called home every other day or something but it slowly turned into what is now every other week. The conversations are short and I tend to lash out a lot. I don't say much like I used to and I just feel so ashamed of myself.

- Romance life wise, I've never held a girls hand, never kissed a girl, and obviously never had sex. I've never even been on a date. I'm a fucking loser. 

I know, 'one day' I will meet someone. However, no joke, I have a tiny fucking penis, 3.5 inches. If by some godly miracle I met a girl literally my tiny little thing is enough to drive girls away. Though I've never been in love but I can know that it would be a crushing feeling. And frankly I don't know how much more pain I can handle. I already hate my life and am ready to kill myself and if I had a girlfriend and left me? I know that would cause me to fucking jump in front of the first train that comes by with zero hesitation and I don't want that guilt transferred onto anyone.

Every time I see a couple holding hands I feel jealous af know that it'll never be me. I deleted my netflix account as every TV show is filled with couples and families and deep down knowing that I'd never have one of my own. 20 years old and don't even know how to talk to women while peers have done it for the past 8 years. Hell 20 year olds are starting to settle down already, getting engaged, having kids while I'm just here.

- So,

I'm exploring my options right now.

a) Jumping off a building-  As in a tall one, with 20-30 stories and if I land flat face first it is guaranteed to kill me. However I'm deathly afraid of heights and I'm afraid I""ll back down or something. 

b) Overdose on drugs. I've never taken any drugs but I was reading alcohol + tylonel can kill you. However it's not guaranteed and I don't want to wake up with a tube in my stomach. Idk much about hardcore drugs likes Heroin, Meth, Fentanyll. If I just take a bunch of those pills and drink like 10 shots of Vodka would it be enough to kill me? Is it painful?

c) My most preferred method, a car accident. Driving at 120-140 km/hr without a seatbelt on, crashing head on in a highway against a semi-trailer or a tree or post or something is pretty much guaranteed to kill me. The force I will fly out of the car and being crumpled will kill me instantly. And I get one last adrenaline rush as I die. 

d) Jumping into something like Niagara Falls. It'd be thrilling and the chances of success is very high but I'm afraid of the water and not sure how I'd react when I'm about to jump. I wouldn't mind this way though.


I actually don't know why I'm still here. I've been in this world for 20 years and there's literally nothing out there for me. I'm not fit for this world. 

Think for a second. What is the point of life. Money, cars? No, it's love. The most basic thing. Why do we fight the way we fight to move up the ladder and social status and become fit and the best version for ourselves? It's hardcoded in our DNA to find the best possible mate for the best offspring. People like me don't belong here. Darwins Theory is true. I am a non-desirable breeding mate. My qualities aren't what women what transferred onto their kids. 

What is the point of living if there's no happiness, no one to look forward to coming home or just anything to look forward to? I'm just running in a dark tunnel with no end until one day my legs gives out. 

I'm about done with this fucking world and my piece of shit brain/body.",2.1204199756483213,3.864319293855747,3.537140403801768,90.11310043251495,77.34372217275155,6.115285223617496,24.014838170352736,6.913230679561687,0.7751429189307073,4249,141,905,43,98,1395,440,1123,0.168,0.725,0.107,-0.9975,5,1,13,0,2,8,119.0,6,1,4,12,46,63,19,9,56,0,84,34,12,10,17,174,161,87,11,20,42,2,8,6,5,10,12,2,5,9,42,62,3,3,23,8,3,30,40,33,0,18,15,16,94,30,139,124,27,169,1,2,6,8,53,71,6,28,74,582,136,9,0.03879206351448528,0.0,0.07571091633540337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041456918477140565,0.0,0.040176878726769616,0.17123202685600505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026379933426389286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027124312769730523,0.0,0.09576768892319866,0.034533160922954144,0.0,0.0,0.03644642062850298,0.05965740470292021,0.0,0.0,0.04284278641410471,0.0,0.0,0.12212963213496973,0.0,0.04235088630145367,0.04308923751986996,0.0,0.04330477218783341,0.15844413624400566,0.0,0.0,0.03985013499506356,0.0,0.10024778350104917,0.0,0.0838408790522388,0.0,0.0,0.08584536088387551,0.0,0.10007068711799473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052007490210708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909324787629698,0.0,0.0380014539513745,0.13495943403521055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743301671748126,0.08016514276535858,0.0,0.07686537628395948,0.035089642336401064,0.19610391959360512,0.0,0.034863805360124414,0.0,0.07313941015243153,0.0,0.11768659730410028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03545524327475417,0.1319860376339454,0.0,0.0,0.059941304086834374,0.14345055052863173,0.060801756308824575,0.037212882094222084,0.06613927097620946,0.03253694239896278,0.0,0.042768386972734586,0.0,0.0,0.034303693653102194,0.04129487294665958,0.0,0.0765982631496778,0.039811848676456776,0.0,0.0,0.045968782041168686,0.026001502472155002,0.08197188987026365,0.1556464104662281,0.03852927197109495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575060245384431,0.04039596466677154,0.2558292432894809,0.031620709272052766,0.0,0.0,0.04214769051253423,0.0,0.10959992671157033,0.11371105662217892,0.038879838682260935,0.06850820557368012,0.0,0.06515112664263505,0.0,0.0,0.03297962518269654,0.07002270373020274,0.0,0.02589400362122876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03916892577538551,0.0,0.030963454999388382,0.1649192975400677,0.14258315077590716,0.0,0.2991883083722941,0.0,0.041255799634020575,0.0,0.0,0.07444406233977438,0.0,0.1221172353929742,0.0,0.2891515680230088,0.029503112340095863,0.12383247186974987,0.0,0.043073995801629066,0.0,0.03703141403805589,0.05378706492926985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334207744840833,0.04373222299793475,0.07430414746019927,0.03946547459280447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038802561197794204,0.0,0.024851189214935492,0.03988470210194575,0.0,0.04164815869005668,0.0,0.033128210285136406,0.0,0.06169801181227965,0.0,0.07851927857217747,0.06182450439130121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981949574068737,0.06417839161061133,0.0,0.0,0.03954362355326637,0.032868389530819185,0.14932012851100682,0.0,0.0,0.05491444443441569,0.0,0.030979392032419187,0.0,0.0,0.04055388744532592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036561060777188084,0.0,0.029166804031021943,0.06235918247138737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154344658434025,0.024856387945209397,0.07622601088983494,0.0,0.06785989257842252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438925136460887,0.037894209346364865,0.0,0.0,0.033503887793088716,0.0,0.0640150300659916,0.06864169238565727,0.061582668791737384,0.03111665345011984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000760720464193,0.0,0.04460895859494636,0.07478832985989824,0.0,0.05648216849958381,0.0,0.0,0.11022707568805998,0.0,0.0,0.19984653644453693
suicidewatch,throwaway07198,2018/01/15,tomorrow night is going to be my last. I'm confident about this. I've lived for too long. I don't think there's anything here left for me.,-0.5670000000000002,1.6176839666666682,1.495000000000001,97.7025,92.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,17.5,7.1686216300943375,0.13200000000000012,109,3,26,2,4,36,27,30,0.0,0.882,0.118,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344704371138907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380604154259523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414449119680741,0.0,0.0,0.4551167512687368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698806693414403,0.3706975780371914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930925820875194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26840280908238306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Southpau3301,2018/01/15,"update I am sorry for not posting in awhile, I have been recovering in hospital from an attempt to end everything. Why is this so complicated for me? I have decided to just go out with a bang this time. I know this will work. I cant live with this severe depression, bipolarism, debilitating panic and anxiety attacks. It just gets worse. These migraines are popping up more everyday now and Ive lost everyone I loved, my job, and the will to live gets more difficult s each day passes. I have cut myself off from all contact from the outside world. How does everyone else do it, I mean by going about a ""normal"" life? I see couples when i venture out very rarely walking, talking and seeming to be so much in love, I truly envy them. I dont abuse drugs, I have tried alcohol but it just doesnt take the pain away. I know there is not a soul on this earth anymore who believe in truth, faithfulness, respect, love, passion, nor does anyone believe in trying to help anyone unless that person has money. I have never physically or mentally hurt anyone, but it seems the cliche is right, good guys always finish last. I would reach out to others, but I dont have anyone to talk too. I have truly destroyed what was a beautiful mind, I honestly want someone to hopefully read this and take with them these last words: whatever you do in life, love that person your with, hold them close, care for their every need, and please get help if you ever see any signs of the symptoms of depression, anxiety, or panic attacks coming on. I have lost faith in the human race over many years of being humiliated for having the conditions I do and I do not want anyone to go through the pain and agony I feel every minute of everyday. Thank You for listening, even though I doubt anyone will ever read this with any belief. I just had to get the courage up to find out the way out Ive found is instant and hopefully the final try. I see 1 person is cheering me on, wow this shows how people dont care. Almost 
midnight. ",5.180912343470485,6.141046245478037,5.887351421188632,79.36432468694099,68.45736434108528,8.847903001391373,28.838103756708414,9.057496981413335,2.3308394752534287,1575,54,295,28,26,514,212,387,0.123,0.637,0.241,0.9963,1,0,2,0,1,1,49.0,0,4,4,4,17,34,4,3,16,0,37,14,0,2,5,66,72,23,0,8,14,0,1,0,0,4,9,1,0,5,19,22,1,1,10,3,1,6,10,15,0,0,6,5,40,19,52,60,5,47,4,5,3,5,24,23,0,9,16,203,59,4,0.0,0.08695536599590581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784317862403165,0.07348966707814011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106651141567197,0.0,0.0,0.09981568218454102,0.0,0.11228657822470818,0.0,0.07278334099922186,0.30789673413532404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698385621211928,0.06895249277959778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537120884862747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149652365522581,0.0,0.0,0.06321914423809442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120484157884944,0.0,0.047330596612528975,0.0,0.1264217141454309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284484874108634,0.0,0.25803824366087835,0.0,0.08510931243157388,0.0,0.06130808066857469,0.0,0.0650019187719594,0.0,0.0,0.048473523707984835,0.1327712443699985,0.12366878892952328,0.1402549298352019,0.06595836424834735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0371082816498411,0.0,0.0,0.08039535818570533,0.06707729768089946,0.0,0.0,0.08046854759668688,0.0,0.0,0.15337336618427366,0.0,0.12512799681811335,0.061556203521399684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266781955181632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838378532391988,0.0,0.0,0.14578602241737915,0.0,0.0,0.07856570878653747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282843233015779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066665050839246,0.1196455887940804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367531330791213,0.0,0.0,0.12960975230769614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022810841933144,0.0,0.26495002198316203,0.0,0.0,0.07440612651082333,0.0,0.07994342434943777,0.0,0.0,0.07396004290230833,0.0,0.07410316363411855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395022888299394,0.05441789076613638,0.05660303348594711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190679712247564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618465819569086,0.1722151338894515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050879512201958174,0.1922444309961212,0.0,0.0805603822686657,0.0,0.0,0.07028750838754179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682008683883765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267481527940345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754474219606722,0.13362333250976927,0.0,0.08291001709772737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218326389034781,0.0,0.0,0.08215430131857702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628050072955453,0.11036056818046934,0.11797649823909664,0.0,0.06756782021847338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210548216891896,0.0,0.042794405891797005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948135038359814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055458701147524,0.08657486280742277,0.0582537112285016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622322503900245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342892729221548,0.0,0.07479086636923966,0.05213428033144908,0.0,0.0,0.04726087165622428
suicidewatch,thorthrowrha,2018/01/15,"What's the point of staying alive? There isn't one, I don't think I'll ever be happy, I really don't have anyone close to me, I believe that plenty of people want me to die anyways, I just want to stop existing.",1.2145652173913035,2.71715893478261,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,79.21739130434783,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.4577999999999998,165,4,36,2,4,58,34,46,0.133,0.674,0.193,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,5,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140806700619715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449479186457933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177553609343385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769476302453908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259228775893772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746821883426814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122592192192756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894289196778099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961398721558498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32633570117785643,0.0,0.25597121630783143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618090352390535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611731321357327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway69694202020,2018/01/15,"Question about therapy? To start off with, I don’t think I’m suicidal. With that said, I recently started going to therapy for the first time. My therapist said that if I said I was going to kill myself, they’d have to get me help and would break confidentiality. 

I don’t think I’m suicidal. Ive thought about dying and would be okay with the thought of not living anymore, but I’m not considering taking my own life. I’m not planning on doing it, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about suicide as an option. Does that make sense? I’m afraid to share any of this information because of it being misinterpreted and result in them trying to commit me to a hospital or something...

Anyone have experience with this? Should I not tell this to my therapist?",3.5160239085239127,5.636190695945951,4.955405405405403,79.81204781704784,74.47297297297297,8.067359667359668,26.92515592515593,8.841846274778883,2.202899584199584,605,23,115,13,13,202,85,148,0.126,0.8140000000000001,0.06,-0.912,0,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,2,3,4,1,1,4,1,15,1,0,2,1,30,36,8,5,4,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,9,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,7,3,16,2,23,23,1,11,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,4,5,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944413235781894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044128223745013,0.09196803427349384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801787697760811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650618674042894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151017881929405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866045952083588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187837767347357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871839857682721,0.0,0.14950175983203615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816101962922629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551719147953893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290272072285068,0.0,0.0,0.11614238951791828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779653268018263,0.0,0.0,0.14327348312719998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473424204488179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986887748418982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37534218541988795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125733922333922,0.0,0.0,0.18619360242336525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316136612130623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889333070096264,0.0,0.11496201746308132,0.0,0.3008294192483027,0.3054302786707589,0.0,0.16855675997154398,0.0,0.3132576591086257,0.07669553362733886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929945940436454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686865102918532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Killingname1,2018/01/15,I'm done I can't take this life anymore. No matter what I do I'm set up to fail. I just turned 21 and I want to end it,-4.807741935483873,-3.6920833870967726,-0.6107096774193543,110.48393548387098,108.67741935483872,2.4800000000000004,9.425806451612903,3.1291,-2.4790051612903223,89,1,29,0,5,33,24,31,0.203,0.7120000000000001,0.085,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263599588718731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399521024176837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807769062772448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30366153649406225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32324242515196244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676238479684219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535748870493969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brisk77,2018/01/15,"“Please let me go quietly.” ...is what I want to write in a note laid next to me. There’s so much in life to appreciate and there’s so much joy that can come from it. No one is 100% good but no one is 100% bad either. Relationships will be imperfect. And that’s okay.

Lately I feel worthless. People say to be yourself but when I am, I’m labeled as too aggressive, too serious, too much of a perfectionist... I do try to be a kind person, but when I heard that I have those qualities without even trying... And then when I actively try not to be, it seems too late to repair those relationships. I know relationships are two-ways. It was a close friend who I suspect uses me sometimes to do better in school and who has ditched me multiple times for her boyfriend. And a fiancé who I cannot discuss topics that are important to me with him because if I go into details or get too excited to exchange differing points, he thinks I’m trying to argue.

It just seems best for me to hold back. I feel like I’m being labeled by those close to me with qualities that I’m not deliberately exhibiting and then abandoned even when I express I’m trying to change by being more self-conscious when I’m around them. It just all built up and hit home. This all may sound like “How can those people be that way?” but maybe this is just the negative light I’m seeing. You know, their side of the story is probably completely different. I’m 98% sure the problem is me.

There are still a lot of other close people who seem perfectly fine with interacting happily with me. I’m glad I don’t make them uncomfortable, but incidents like this makes me feel like it’s only a matter of time. My true self must not be socially compatible. 

I rationally know upsetting times like this will pass, but my emotional side is increasingly growing stronger as I feel less and less self-worth. Please help. How do I still hold on?",3.588784629133152,5.291634978552281,4.760340482573729,83.07843744414657,73.20911528150134,8.512207327971403,26.374352100089368,9.120678840339163,2.0851401966041103,1489,52,301,33,30,490,188,373,0.107,0.675,0.219,0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,3,3,26,26,2,1,10,1,34,1,0,5,6,66,65,29,0,4,16,0,4,5,1,4,1,4,1,2,26,18,0,3,12,0,1,6,9,8,0,2,2,10,35,18,37,49,12,36,0,2,1,0,26,13,0,7,21,204,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052949717330776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955894964421512,0.07553118301084329,0.05514420536923652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493327189415422,0.08000543140803787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569577696201656,0.07792416894676307,0.09484667077133056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902504920789476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175648507679062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949731671912905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829592629546449,0.1292507584160079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988996878673481,0.0,0.047262155485155236,0.0,0.10282217811852072,0.0758744215970024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063412279300957,0.0,0.09073979065831908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420124412310922,0.1491450519856389,0.0,0.20408796819893707,0.0,0.0,0.09250253395955348,0.06389530202582391,0.22097345392302065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690673433723763,0.0,0.0,0.12076688236409384,0.0,0.0908802652534342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949780090482647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620633359983208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259747262384245,0.06879969103020317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814286807595934,0.07898708374157955,0.0,0.19859809600322245,0.08551491466048035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753229237340874,0.08655899042364497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136388223949605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193824334414058,0.0,0.09155139368700772,0.07208573033219083,0.2470569776736972,0.2831117550222971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922136299153092,0.0,0.0,0.08946827355371935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448459373131026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525845192910406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057963776534625665,0.0,0.0,0.15824566536979393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30708551294242403,0.0,0.08836728358724978,0.0,0.0,0.07812928690043454,0.0,0.0,0.05335626033263588,0.14360751289038753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720120656614762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RenaissanceMan13,2018/01/15,"Reaching Out I believe that I am some sort of sociopath. I do not remember when was the last time I actually felt an emotion. Last time I felt something was when my mother had cancer and it was sadness. That was around 8 years ago. I am 20 now in University and have always felt hollow inside. I believe that I am worthless, every single person who knows me doesn't understand who or what I am. I am a fake person and I just repeat things and copy others to seem normal. I hate my life. I do not wish to be alive. I do not see a point in my existence except pain and suffering. The only reason why I have not taken my life is that doing so will be a burden on my family and I do not feel that is is ""right"" to burden them when they have done everything for me. I do not know know what to do. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and I read the same articles on the web that give me reasons not to kill myself. Each time I read the articles they mean less and less. I do not know if I will be alive in the next weeks and it scares me. It has scared me to the point that I am reaching out because I do not know what to do. There must be hope in regaining my sanity because feeling scared is the first thing I have felt in a very long time.

",2.395992366412216,3.507559400763359,4.111366412213741,88.91865267175574,75.22137404580154,7.07206106870229,21.87862595419848,7.554174236665415,0.6692512977099234,961,23,214,12,20,324,126,262,0.16,0.777,0.063,-0.9805,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,3,1,8,13,2,3,13,0,39,5,1,2,1,51,59,15,1,5,13,1,6,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,18,13,0,0,17,2,0,0,10,12,0,1,11,7,41,1,21,41,6,31,0,3,1,0,9,13,0,7,18,166,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.09787259696386516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890468910805975,0.0,0.10043007725899918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345274517154208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928303353053273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227673361477405,0.0,0.0,0.2259942647913009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016838524829478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263570974695344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128173897510886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900424944792405,0.0,0.09013789122619577,0.0,0.09454837371551436,0.0,0.10142344471582987,0.0,0.3851923472299964,0.0,0.0,0.0853101302391987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621126218937412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990196830291812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961469466919592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096058787510706,0.0,0.27559513687034826,0.16350619351032775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168141099746115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887571432518903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924970275380627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666393818600077,0.09411924082249326,0.09826694660051756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627820037073271,0.106720018697223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514592028313225,0.0,0.0,0.18962072932259688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064252908805805,0.0,0.0,0.20623812590270715,0.0,0.0,0.11361369078837892,0.08565063349669609,0.0,0.0,0.30123574231402506,0.0,0.07992143132932927,0.09130400327771286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036655474638596,0.0,0.0,0.07721131622081012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326191830328396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392923989688655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440971965679448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827531555624399,0.0,0.0,0.0804498962473591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049984673267654,0.0,0.11533329239338078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645861272812065
suicidewatch,warewhittle1,2018/01/15,"My mind is trying to find reasons for suicide Title says it.  These days I've been much better as opposed to a few weeks ago, but whenever I'm doing nothing, I find myself occasionally finding reasons to kill myself.  Is it common, this sort of withdrawal effect?  Suicide just comes up now as a very casual thought, and it seems so convenient that it becomes tempting to just do it.  ",7.3912499999999985,7.299831180555558,7.98277777777778,69.89000000000001,63.58333333333333,9.977777777777778,37.444444444444436,9.516144504307137,3.7294611111111102,303,14,50,5,4,101,55,72,0.204,0.74,0.056,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,16,9,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,8,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,2,9,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734337454417905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849429160579505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669618608815223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261851259376606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174842469106165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176285052165048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885871603304426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906154598247698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387760951335231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811409030655278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881975663429602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012659473115214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185955174213766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41299255520590017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987139275142902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817021991702635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576447592281914,0.0,0.0,0.1514291007013001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilConfucius,2018/01/15,"I have no one... People in my life are constantly straying from me. I've given my all to whoever needed me and yet I get none in return... Rejection and abandonment scream KILL YOURSELF in my ear each waking day. I'm sick of hanging on. I'm sick of people making me feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do just because they don't understand...im sick of feeling invalid. Everyone would only care when I'm gone.. Which makes me want to end my life even more. I'm not close with my family, and have lived a hard life. I've tried so hard to better myself since life's been falling apart for me.. But.. I don't see what the point is anymore.. Seems like the world only accepts people who want to bathe in their misery. I'm trying so hard not to, but everyone loves to drag me down... I feel lonely and distant from this life. I just want to feel relieved that this suffering is over. I want this to be over...what a sad feeling to think that the only way I'll ever be loved is when I'm dead and gone...I dream of dying all the time... And wake up a little more sad knowing it was just a dream...",0.8868198215302847,2.8725888078602644,2.720991076514146,93.28808239984814,82.31877729257641,5.554661097398899,19.563508638693754,6.7026698264267655,0.125974976267325,843,22,187,9,23,280,122,229,0.18600000000000005,0.6709999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9154,1,2,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,2,1,10,16,1,0,9,0,14,13,3,3,3,40,44,12,3,6,8,0,9,2,0,1,8,2,1,0,9,9,0,1,10,3,0,3,7,8,0,1,4,12,21,8,26,37,6,27,0,6,1,2,5,13,0,1,11,108,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198803428362923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883605147454666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987011251266233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513125126358373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220282969396106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282518778802953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719494977661055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001515467686073,0.0,0.0,0.07458375172577138,0.10214418891918188,0.0,0.2158031449944092,0.0,0.0,0.10645257732219064,0.0,0.34257978217735874,0.08067132167264827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899695436701542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303467127146195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219748688452278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493118703481555,0.0,0.06205884134101493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987998620871427,0.11033572754854994,0.11317726038456667,0.09971197519692143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383257856777887,0.0,0.15075229165371112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373004774301343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651870110084233,0.25764624087755944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348571724758338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674755448909264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998401573658722,0.10279972131505212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341003955465046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235569863560905,0.0,0.0,0.06584558126026868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333291347260866,0.0,0.0,0.11755552547520302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664166984112976,0.17926406017211605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021637222139989,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkpugs,2018/01/15,"I’m feeling very hopeless and having suicidal thoughts and it’s scaring me My life is a mess. All of it except for my romantic life, but even that’s getting messy. I have no friends anymore, an awful job, school isn’t in my plan because they messed up my financial aid again, and i have nobody except for my boyfriend. My mom is emotionally unavailable, my dad is dead and i miss him, my brother takes advantage of me, and i just turned 19 and am financially/cleaning wise responsible of an entire house. I’m getting no calls from jobs good and closer to home, i got blown off for an interview yesterday. My hair won’t even hold highlights. 

While i drive lately, I’ve been picturing my suicide. I’ve been picturing my funeral and how not many would be there. It’s my dog and my boyfriend that are keeping me going, and they’re just barely keeping me holding on. I’ve been wanting to self harm more and more lately and struggling not to. I’m trying to find a therapist but can’t because my medical insurance is awful. 

I don’t know what to do, but I’m not okay. I had a bad suicide attempt when i was 14, and I’m nearing the point where i was back then. ",4.314870689655174,5.247246780172414,5.323620689655171,82.72094827586207,70.42241379310346,8.558620689655173,31.74137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.540736206896552,911,40,183,16,16,300,133,232,0.239,0.6679999999999999,0.093,-0.9909,2,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,1,3,10,13,0,2,7,3,22,4,1,1,1,35,40,20,5,2,10,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,6,13,0,4,4,0,0,2,9,8,0,0,8,2,30,5,19,29,3,18,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,0,8,120,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484913000240006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455519359920867,0.11353215514134417,0.1657763119697867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884410009241066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295183512109914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961836899579406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687522642910635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427727431855601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050527538802108,0.0,0.14208103606916,0.0,0.07727684787120936,0.1140480826677106,0.1087503932134639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639246176025646,0.0,0.0,0.15689511069141285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698653456775346,0.2417189084546815,0.0,0.0,0.07472745474394121,0.0,0.3067679591979523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208414467326615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785574128756076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697895057603565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925046687883082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853886528877326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613314901379406,0.13761239553188873,0.0,0.0,0.14184996806292707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142148977957099,0.0,0.4461986704928441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223511590286816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578756611736124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079477347273388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231705027586667,0.1479000730597834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121923405005463,0.08020066659060704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965916410195062,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kittencrumbs,2018/01/15,"I know I need help. I’m not sure I want it. Life’s been tough for me lately. I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m not close to my family at all. I’m 26 and I live with my parents because the area I live in is so expensive that I can’t afford to move out. I just recently got out of a 3 year long relationship, and while I’m grieving my relationship, I’m more sad about losing my best friend than actually being with him. Losing him makes this whole thing harder to get through because now I feel like I have no one. Feeling that way makes me feel pathetic in return. 

I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a long time. For Months and months and months. For a while I had resolved to maybe kill myself before May this year. I’m just not happy with my life. I hate myself. I don’t like the person that I am. I’ve recently recognized that I have a type A personality and I’m not sure that I like that. I’m finding that I’m a difficult person to deal with when I feel like things need to be done in a certain way. It’s been creating a bit of tension with my team at work because I have a hard time moving on from things missed. (I’m just a receptionist at a law firm. I book reservations and such so missing small details creates a world of problems if the day of comes around and a powerful attorney finds out things have gone wrong. I have been getting very nit picky with a teammate’s work because he is very not detail oriented like I am.) I am aware that I am fantastic at my job but I don’t like how I go about working with my team. I know that I can work to change this particular thing about myself but part of me feels that there’s no point if I end up dying anyway. 

This personality trait carries on through my own personal relationships with friends sometimes. Not particularly strongly but I tend to offer advice unsolicited instead of recognizing that a friend just needs to vent and complain. I constantly beat myself over it after the fact. I find that I am quick to judge others and act accordingly. I honestly feel that I can be a toxic person and I feel that that’s why I have so very few friends. I know in conjunction with all of this, I’m more of a shy and quiet person in large groups, especially around dominantly outgoing people. I’m finding that I’m having so much trouble socializing normally. Perhaps it’s my low energy from my depression. I’m not sure. 

Living in the area that I’m in has been so difficult for me personally. Everyone here makes so much money working in tech, living happy, wealthy lives. I feel so unsuccessful in comparison. Developing my depression through my college years really destroyed what could have been my future. I did what was comforting at the time and it turns out that it was a bad, and expensive, mistake. I don’t know what I want to do with my life and it’s been hounding me everywhere I go in this stupid, successful city. All I want the most is to be happy and I feel like it’s never going to happen. 

My breakup definitely doesn’t help anything at all. I’m just finding how alone I am. He has such a high opinion of me. I know that if I’m gone, it would utterly devastate him. Part of me doesn’t want to do it just because I know people would see it as me killing myself over a boy. Perhaps I just care too much about what people would think of me afterwards. I don’t want to be known as the person who killed herself over a breakup, even though to me, I know it’s because I can’t take it anymore. 

It’s hard for me to see that I’d be happy. I know I need help. I’m not sure if I want it because 95% of me just genuinely wants to die. I don’t see a happy future for me. All I see is a life of pain. ",2.507097806408151,4.1391073183023925,4.257990400404194,85.85167845564399,75.94960212201592,7.652023072712729,25.496105427139916,8.418075326091056,1.5992883499642128,2874,102,615,54,63,970,281,754,0.195,0.695,0.11,-0.9964,4,1,0,0,0,4,65.0,0,0,0,15,35,55,6,1,32,0,58,5,0,5,12,123,130,38,7,22,23,1,11,7,5,4,5,1,0,10,52,34,0,0,26,3,3,9,21,26,0,1,16,16,94,29,90,103,19,75,0,9,4,0,36,36,0,8,35,410,146,12,0.0,0.0,0.046074570810564236,0.0,0.0,0.046137492584383016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890001425008208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046824127150743085,0.0,0.0,0.03885353551138821,0.08406188408596725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03942216066163405,0.20147077615856604,0.0,0.04017608778446435,0.0,0.0495487366616337,0.0,0.051546038648961116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481383603406838,0.0,0.04994671265105073,0.040671137207034073,0.0,0.05102213400243808,0.0,0.03769696057604994,0.0,0.0,0.030449466093199557,0.04867610757275514,0.08133161155413078,0.0,0.0980024565100729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831685704809127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041818059844945035,0.0,0.0,0.03118475198289548,0.0,0.0,0.04511550705121009,0.0,0.0,0.04450965719636015,0.0,0.21485776649119345,0.10119020967503756,0.0,0.0,0.21576612672756115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238914500728187,0.0,0.049335286764499366,0.0,0.08049931691362941,0.0,0.03776177302315492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041751653230082106,0.25130372736017464,0.08458989056858167,0.04661457383267399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949407132937444,0.049884743536476615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046853136017114896,0.0,0.15670764714011806,0.0,0.20758296876038734,0.0,0.053260046716664886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333960762470276,0.1614664423005593,0.0,0.2084564763967336,0.08356674715012312,0.0,0.10564196482900794,0.0,0.04014010526710457,0.0,0.0,0.094548196838354,0.0,0.0474333417666511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305856293607665,0.10036314735481768,0.1041243370672971,0.14003590390477186,0.03641475646318698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046260215115729336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0319937876637889,0.0,0.050239589128153406,0.0,0.05242614845299591,0.10225747061973267,0.0,0.09819783137206127,0.3710331605036189,0.0,0.0,0.04463299223351781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045177929050838485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0302468371175916,0.0,0.09323730536739704,0.1520722080441117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049547110410735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812926779118371,0.0,0.0,0.046696377754965206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164503293737132,0.0,0.17799654424736475,0.0,0.03549945087685515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683617993408264,0.03025316458733372,0.0463880363142329,0.037483063156711766,0.08259351694941161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135585099015642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116870796649045,0.19493847286684532,0.07495339301874564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260376985980454,0.052713336969761035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718637019620501,0.0,0.0,0.10061954305635767,0.05162167703943541,0.0,0.09121382860301734
suicidewatch,serious_loser,2018/01/15,"Oh my god this is not happening Long story short I just tried to hang myself, the plan was to wrap the noose around my neck and jump off my back porch from my 3rd story apartment, instead the knot somehow came undone but it flung me with enough force so I flipped upside down and it tightened around my ankle, now I've been hanging here upside down like a fucking spider monkey for an hour, it's like -5 degrees outside and, I took a massive shit when I flung upside down which has spilled all down my chest and face, I'm too embarrassed to scream out for help, I'm 35 and I still work at Target there's no way I can come back from this",3.240916030534353,4.5623418320610725,3.4808320610687,93.43926335877865,73.42748091603053,5.850687022900764,23.023664122137408,5.6839178017228535,0.17699938931297687,504,13,109,2,10,155,92,131,0.107,0.8079999999999999,0.085,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,14,6,2,1,6,0,5,5,4,0,1,16,12,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,11,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,4,0,0,4,1,14,2,17,8,2,25,0,0,0,1,1,11,2,1,9,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41972863034154856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625489253873102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696311269048909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307468598828726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435890943281211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794378752880825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846980073437416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580158712347379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321627585764379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303476078022581,0.0,0.0,0.2086281833009435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419903356865961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826741368378694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26192297210056825,0.16005635980523433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712455313895127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162621802810946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Atheren,2018/01/15,"Been in bed the last 24 hours. Not sure if I can make it to work tomorrow. Been in bed all day since last night.  Spent most of the time thinking about how to go about killing myself.  Haven't gotten any of the laundry done, no clothes for the morning.

I made [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7ovv1x/people_are_telling_me_to_see_a_doctor_for_meds) post on /r/depression a bit ago.  But I'm not sure if I'll make it to my appointment on the second.  Every day is harder and harder since my vacation. Not seeing much point in checking myself in, meds can't make me not work.

Unfortunately I haven't been able to buy a gun yet, and the best way I can think of available to me is a shoestring and a plastic bag.",5.621417910447762,7.397411888059704,4.782268656716422,84.64295522388062,68.17910447761193,7.748059701492537,26.832835820895525,8.238735603445708,1.5786143283582097,579,18,110,8,10,172,83,134,0.101,0.85,0.049,-0.6896,0,0,0,1,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,1,0,10,0,11,0,0,5,3,21,22,7,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,8,1,0,1,7,1,10,3,17,15,5,20,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,3,10,68,12,2,0.16925476839848128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500341399369002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509904650428382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762243724481844,0.0,0.18478237049045687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831064703877506,0.0,0.14577888401017028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732063920720857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260444227402352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619138535852527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668185309572314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872553240527028,0.0,0.0,0.2759304527555507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015295426773574,0.3389366165724063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800389193447906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244217294761362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883413450952166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000046411244045,0.0,0.16209928178642166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487413692485312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800185868994803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190412323353237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690324276347225,0.0,0.0,0.09869381656394656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343465569937237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643897441731386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoahSometimes,2018/01/15,"I have less than a week left but it feels like so long... I have my plan written down and the date is set for this coming Friday. My mom will be out of town, my brother will be at school, it’s the perfect time. But I’m so anxious to just get it done and over with, I don’t know if I can wait for Friday. My method is not instant and it’s very painful, and I am a little nervous about that. I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up. I’m also scared that I’ll chicken out and call for help like I’ve done with every other attempt I’ve made. I’m so fucking weak. 

Just this once I want to be strong and achieve what I’ve longed for the past 14 years.

I don’t know what the point of this post is. I guess because I can’t talk about this anywhere else without getting sent back to the psych ward. Nobody can help me. The meds don’t work, therapy is a joke, and hospitals are a very temporary “bandaid” fix. I’ve tried everything. It’s too much to handle and I am too tired of fighting my own brain.",1.3757962109575033,2.6902272580645175,2.597380952380952,97.91289682539684,78.2626728110599,5.5595494111623145,21.73297491039426,5.82211442006289,-0.11060143369175623,773,21,190,4,18,248,124,217,0.113,0.7509999999999999,0.136,0.6507,0,0,1,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,0,6,12,11,2,2,10,0,23,8,3,1,1,33,40,16,0,4,9,2,1,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,14,14,0,1,3,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,5,1,18,5,23,29,3,23,0,0,0,1,8,10,1,2,10,115,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151891485005646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627247834299254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075826561334083,0.0,0.08780576153841417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607968527692418,0.14708147139805866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240781502028072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500463123847628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294806915067218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032736813380382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136034703669987,0.0,0.12945432787757388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283121275695148,0.1029025733179433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316313588355305,0.1505104489776946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586768675017831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309464308734253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832180107408814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565004419492504,0.0,0.0,0.14074184057285388,0.144366437702675,0.0,0.2549426477079107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629461886984698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999654152130674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686985113071186,0.0,0.0,0.10588635267837536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339844842730252,0.0,0.0,0.15326926449679482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375029709216909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616484550604985,0.0,0.13795099772697206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420968445669274,0.14577669201622906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577431049826785,0.0,0.0,0.1647228831523932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399118314674511,0.16555338377630674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779405520771728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769702147126875,0.08495882822100836,0.0,0.11554061344066313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563948463389125,0.13884991720055978,0.0,0.10486321106737907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275736966624504
suicidewatch,oscar-dighton12,2018/01/15,"I don't want to fail in school and I don't want to live as a retard It's over, my grades are below average and I'm being sent down from honours, I'm never going to get to go to a good college and get a good job.",2.1235294117647068,1.2512327254901976,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,74.68627450980392,7.584313725490197,22.882352941176467,6.42735559955562,0.3526941176470588,163,3,43,1,3,60,34,51,0.113,0.6579999999999999,0.229,0.7909,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,13,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,11,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,26,4,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33087912335172914,0.0,0.3599255240025765,0.5311916446705668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31423197448155377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796128316690916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244224438242774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32047252790132297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735435352654275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antarcticajoy,2018/01/15,"anyone else not feel comforted when someone says youre not alone? obviously im not in a good spot, i just made a reddit account and this is my very first post. things are going great /s. anyways, whenever my friends, who do mean well, say im not alone that doesnt help me at all. like, why would i feel better that other people feel the same way? i honestly dont think im going to keep holding on much longer, so why would it be nice to know other people feel the same?
ive done everything i can to better myself. ive been going to therapy for over a decade, on medication for almost as long, i exercise, try and go outside, i have great friends and i do amazing at college, but none of its enough, and i feel so selfish but i just cant keep doing this anymore. i genuinely dont remember what my hobbies or likes are anymore because ive been depressed so long. i started seeing a psychiatrist and he was suprised that i fit all the depressive qualifications for bipolar depression, but none of the mania aspects, meaning im in a more severe depression than your standard depression, but the medication that would help a bipolar person wouldnt help me. even the best my therapist can do is to tell me to hang in there. im so tired and alone. i miss my ex like crazy and i hope one day soon i have the guts to finish what i tried years ago and succeed in killing myself. im a huge financial strain on my parents and an emotional burden on everyone else. i just cant keep going and im sorry.",4.827103520390381,5.195178629139075,6.0036493551760195,80.3296566747996,69.0,9.13935169048449,31.126524921575466,9.134995656068208,2.537500662251656,1174,46,237,21,19,394,159,302,0.194,0.6409999999999999,0.165,-0.9578,1,4,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,2,0,5,13,28,1,1,15,0,29,7,1,1,3,49,51,21,1,5,12,2,5,3,2,4,6,2,0,1,14,10,0,4,10,1,1,6,12,10,1,2,5,8,33,18,25,41,10,31,0,6,1,0,15,13,0,3,13,157,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346873393591672,0.0,0.07169666658377777,0.22246680704559574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201514688931907,0.05006411188406098,0.07336226139975112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364645751652204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513937304723928,0.12664807261834302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617582497593284,0.0,0.3083431946424874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732712595882956,0.16782841867139778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196245729052606,0.08053992388133023,0.0,0.07398153661399669,0.0,0.047290866942381465,0.0,0.0,0.06841649541311345,0.06434911243912536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101456998823226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060902591443843725,0.0,0.0,0.11063536170504096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345854106322447,0.06005435560545276,0.0,0.1578776449513027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397512740367088,0.0,0.0,0.07111456792095809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413790553012179,0.0,0.0,0.19092306874452855,0.07921435978093566,0.0,0.039349273005828335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493985800702954,0.0,0.0,0.126726802972546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774928191506896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598593024112414,0.0,0.14425814824652006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052633951494564415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048517748552911986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950289334197773,0.0,0.0,0.0992763082845461,0.06251801747430914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857263414335234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110840029326889,0.0,0.0,0.11387776688082965,0.0,0.0,0.05705561890727071,0.0,0.0,0.08088717895524743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066611695895801,0.0,0.0,0.0801499011255325,0.050678572274901364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258121476831285,0.0,0.0818803936728524,0.08313266541437787,0.047567599197724623,0.04587813883754116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229321863517823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722287014445344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907717652964468,0.0,0.05683243750140625,0.0,0.0,0.0643766478979997,0.0,0.12921502231532506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258692533746496,0.0,0.0,0.0461078011687297
suicidewatch,smoke1101,2018/01/16,I don’t know what to do My roommate is selling the house. I lost my job a few weeks ago and have been trying to find another so hard. I have applied for every job I could. I’m going to be homeless and I won’t be able to see my son. I just don’t see any option. I can’t stop crying and I never cry. I just can’t do this anymore ,-1.3252922077922094,0.21561820779221108,1.9559577922077944,98.18250811688314,87.7012987012987,4.36948051948052,17.41720779220779,5.148860815047168,-0.7641415584415583,250,6,65,1,8,90,48,77,0.139,0.823,0.038,-0.7107,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,14,0,0,0,1,11,20,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,2,3,12,0,5,14,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,43,14,2,0.20341290489576305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031326695771915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832775065484634,0.2132961666811106,0.0,0.0,0.2017309429785432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240865270055202,0.0,0.44687904898765934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713841455013303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591570993924236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560424150449496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822180084202696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471118151031686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40371184196583737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179041282367463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204921455478088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568845722634283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241874984886918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170062296719805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810401005046685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316556263010198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lunagray,2018/01/16,"Nothing I do works Last year I tried to kill myself and thought, maybe I should actually try to get help before I do this. I went to a crisis clinic at a nearby hospital twice in two weeks to try to get some sort of help. They suggested I see a therapist. I started seeing a therapist twice, then once a week. I started taking medication.

Throughout this time I've had my dad, older half-brother and younger sister all tell me to kill myself, sometimes in specific ways.

Nothing has changed. I'm in the exact same spot I was last year. I told my therapist that I haven't made any progress at all but she insisted that the process is slow and that we are making progress and that I'm wrong. Every time I see my therapist I leave even angrier than I was when I went in because she always patronizes me whenever I express my anger at the stagnate state of my life and how nothing I've tried to do to improve it has worked. Within the first week of the year I was already laid off of my job, and I can't find another one. I auditioned for some stuff because hey, worst case scenario they reject me and I lose nothing. They all turned out to be scams. False starts. At least I was able to catch on to them and not fork over any money. 

I'm tired of my life going nowhere and seeing people my age already having found their place in life and having friends and a good job. I've tried to change it and nothing has worked. ",4.480315789473681,5.209707207017544,5.041052631578951,85.63736842105266,69.91228070175438,8.105263157894738,29.385964912280702,8.20500826718156,1.8783333333333336,1114,41,230,15,19,357,152,285,0.168,0.779,0.053,-0.9883,2,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,1,0,5,7,3,9,3,0,11,0,19,6,0,3,4,31,41,16,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,9,14,0,0,3,0,2,4,3,7,0,5,11,4,42,2,33,28,8,40,0,2,4,0,18,15,0,3,19,145,51,5,0.08144009673105851,0.0,0.07947378653432458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974234375803472,0.0,0.06776468451036592,0.0,0.0,0.1107641169540673,0.08539704231535927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929025413520867,0.0,0.06929952397157671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230564753999686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379041581101903,0.0,0.06861679397848702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443477300043558,0.06927290467574566,0.0,0.08929486251113118,0.06292041671352111,0.0,0.08509817845188727,0.0,0.04628428376002621,0.06830808923879356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917516031053333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163345918500002,0.0,0.18020280135746727,0.0,0.0,0.13276909700145534,0.0,0.0862333034165245,0.0,0.0,0.17257064637282502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111063667208563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706058866608702,0.05436189696069668,0.0,0.08181752345934283,0.0,0.0,0.08204232952381965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907198463250287,0.0,0.0,0.08673104510135231,0.05518591723123482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646030880883372,0.0,0.08508756744295454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595888520391401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054633808489818,0.0,0.17293115890836205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932294263846294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123281739666363,0.0,0.07118223416051242,0.0,0.0,0.3782329171986644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646543398573795,0.09497675065557884,0.0936034108701502,0.0,0.07781950246519892,0.0,0.2764623990601928,0.08858343913090683,0.07955514079735812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464335806063883,0.19597899962024304,0.0,0.0,0.15099157116621215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786808110124402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904196109484484,0.0,0.15733425652903862
suicidewatch,throwaway362136213,2018/01/16,"My gf cheated on me, left for the other guy. And depression came back I have no skills. My gf of year and a half who has been my only mental support has cheated on me and left me for some asshole. They started going out, making out and I don't know what else. The guy is a fucking asshole. Plus my depression came back since my ex was the only one who could help me. My grades at school are shit. I will fail this semester so I am screwed. I've been thinking about suicide. Where to do it, how to do it, when to do it and what to write to the goodbye note. Whether to mention that whore (my ex). How she betrayed me and broke me even more than I was before. There's only one thing stopping me. My mother. Friend of mine hanged himself recently and I went to his funeral. My mum didn't even know him, but she was shocked when I told her that one of my friends hanged themselves. She was devastated by it. I can't imagine what would happen if I did it too. I started crying while writing this post.. What do I do? Nothing makes me happy anymore, I stopped going to school. All I do is just lay in bed because I don't have the energy to do anything else...


using throwaway for obvious reasons...",1.0751756885090202,3.2946430781893032,2.525781893004116,93.60050569800572,83.23868312757202,5.055333966445078,24.16096866096867,6.297961479604792,0.5952077872744534,920,36,197,8,26,298,135,243,0.199,0.763,0.039,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,2,14,15,5,0,7,0,29,4,1,6,2,35,46,17,2,3,4,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,17,12,0,2,5,0,0,7,5,11,0,4,12,0,41,4,25,31,3,28,0,4,0,3,25,9,3,2,11,151,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864724013394852,0.0,0.0,0.09845062873317044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398613564649624,0.0,0.07292928732446989,0.0,0.10180183219774744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27366452147800113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955199937713224,0.0,0.13141505475862686,0.0,0.0,0.20608544854403846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988185398946276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803753245076815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848616941931494,0.110601997269056,0.0,0.0,0.13598433636178153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369178473537501,0.1057941434942538,0.12735525679173626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018981021178159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149816046192309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25997076951106723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597165577822415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056543228265833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479442845299892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432063236664016,0.2729668004850195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457867654306705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300622609534136,0.11812659020588158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421570081733462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280512672658335,0.09896453192394657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935863155588834,0.0,0.0,0.2000429072380002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086289051196404,0.1357620588952199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794811608230265,0.07665822519338276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431778283099985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332750603015207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109042148503177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498632232013313,0.0,0.0,0.07704197020023736
suicidewatch,speedez,2018/01/16,How much time before you probably end your life? i estimate my time to be atleast 10 more years tbh,2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,3.0599999999999987,90.935,79.5,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.8980000000000001,79,3,17,2,2,25,19,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633305534190372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37817965024084704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015902796880973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31388117573824154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603592189552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979537145419188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27496265111390183
suicidewatch,_0_0_0__,2018/01/16,"I was very close. after 4 years of gathering up the courage to talk to my dad about me needing to see a therapist about depression, he shuts me down and says its because i sit beside the computer and i need ""fresh air""...
i went outside, and in those two hours of me walking, he didn't call, i dont think he even noticed i was gone..
i walked past an abandoned house and if it wasn't for the beautiful snowing weather i would have climbed up and jumped.",4.25753623188406,4.7664120000000025,4.7552173913043525,88.2803623188406,70.30434782608695,8.307246376811595,31.63768115942029,8.344100000000001,2.118189855072463,352,15,77,5,6,112,67,92,0.11,0.828,0.062,-0.6537,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,13,6,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,6,2,12,1,13,6,0,18,0,2,1,0,8,7,0,1,4,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446507831501184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423012983640387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437894446375812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27810403841450304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672889229266873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336844696560475,0.2738026967094505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35189749324021513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701581083862369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265217234132057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870383875327204,0.0,0.0,0.1890907172690303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072603424677134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755138868485368,0.0,0.152046903458501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317994554487722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579045671864756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997173044312426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856517500248314,0.0,0.0,0.1528080382207879
suicidewatch,EMOTlON,2018/01/16,"Im feeling a year chronic depressed. Already a year I feel nothing but hatred and sadness within fueling my thoughts with  negativity. Ive no hope in that ill ever trust people again or feel safe, loved or healed. Feel happy. I never was a person to cry, but this year I feel like im constantly holding back and could cry every day if wanted on command. I feel fucked up in my head, with a desire to destroy and vanish. Like all the greatness I once was is gone. Ive felt fucked up often but only now it became so chronic and undeniable that I feel the need for someone to fix me before I make shit decisions but a professional would be too expensive right now and I cant put up a real person with my shit. Im always about 'keep evolving', which often leads to me going on through my days denying my own insanity. But I dont know what to do. I feel constantly as an outcast with my thoughts and impossible to fit in. Im either in a foggy fucked up negative spiral inside my head or ive a short outburst in happiness for a hour that drains all my energy. 😞😞😞😞",3.000755531570426,4.386406889908258,5.108424177010253,81.2778332433891,74.13761467889908,7.5147328656233165,27.04371289800324,8.124751697461798,1.792350998381004,834,31,165,13,17,290,123,218,0.256,0.5670000000000001,0.177,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,10,17,6,0,12,0,12,12,4,2,4,51,35,17,0,7,10,0,9,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,10,0,3,13,0,1,4,6,8,0,0,6,9,23,9,27,26,4,33,0,2,0,4,3,15,5,7,16,110,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993969820877653,0.0,0.08289675997895803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766061955743051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477433410686179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532048904175927,0.0,0.07954320360488185,0.0,0.21886882619438505,0.12850097430136695,0.0,0.08580767306573761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676085552327843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011736319542492,0.08393914827553198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029909350766014,0.07117278889336573,0.0956565224080406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763077186418449,0.0,0.0,0.05661971555502425,0.0,0.0,0.10983794662695054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121073237376708,0.0,0.0,0.20448990572558376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895103411391992,0.09811147926905037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304524289731961,0.0,0.0,0.08855210983621109,0.0,0.0,0.05475180921981212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734440048069028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899162972863109,0.0,0.06650108617656701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738713695088181,0.07683766392067523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559377293305828,0.0,0.0,0.10609837086146512,0.0,0.07577001397331809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906808024683984,0.1739790498821795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015158298264132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339612655305008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508000536622873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045291841689512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441273264061808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581837304041549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876195852671809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707714068336761,0.0,0.0,0.19246751009311375
suicidewatch,iduncan26,2018/01/16,"I'm going to try and shoot myself tonight. I think I'm finally ready. I'm going to get tacos after work. Then I'm going to have a beer and some weed to calm me down some. Then I'm going to try putting the gun in my mouth and pull that trigger. I know I'm probably going to just get scared and not do it. But at this moment, ending it would be so glorious, to just be done with this world.",1.1430897009966792,2.302037162790697,3.1967774086378737,94.0254651162791,78.53488372093024,6.309634551495018,19.2624584717608,6.868970318607317,-0.016642524916942847,300,6,73,3,7,102,53,86,0.087,0.799,0.114,0.5371,0,0,1,2,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,6,2,1,1,0,15,21,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,12,17,2,18,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,7,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349898960341333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338287992391266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25154702798368445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994304712462355,0.0,0.6525164393289737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261979338776838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475785878246271,0.0,0.0,0.2308402777385353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989839807432436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713680556674205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118056421543306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717243597159376,0.0,0.0,0.1631216474358098,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thr0waway_038783,2018/01/16,"Too far gone... It will never get better or be okay. I want to stop thinking about killing myself and actually just do it. It's my own fault, I'm the one who can't let go. ",-0.5668421052631594,1.2000252105263165,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,86.36842105263158,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.593178947368421,130,3,33,1,4,45,35,38,0.273,0.653,0.075,-0.8593,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,11,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.36593425124228657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316464635961288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959157828753032,0.0,0.21311435456388694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148687262939642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834506948022605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892139070663078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541016123902538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135068067522788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402772057604773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211776717981086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sjbur,2018/01/16,"Just another suicidal post Hello guys. I'm in my early 18's, finishing one of typical schools in my country.
There are two reasons why I'm writing this: dissatisfaction with my life and existencial crisis because of that. Let me explain it more deeply.
I have no ""real"" friends, but I have a gf. I had wanted a girlfriend for a long time  because the feeling of loneliness and the desire to be loved by someone was very frustrating. So, I had problems making connections with women, so, that's why my self-image was really not ok. Right now it's a little bit better. 
I had hobbies connected with computers: programming, gaming. Also, I enjoyed reading books. Now I don't have any. Sometimes I try to read something, but it is really difficult to finish a book for me right know. 
Because of the fact that I didn't leave my home and could't find a person to talk about something interesting, I started to feel really bad and making questions like ""What's the point of the existence? What should I do in order to be happy? What I need to do?""
And the following two-three years I had been trying to find the answers. Now I'm convinced that there is no meaning at all. We're all just animals without a purpose. There is no point and I know that I can create a meaning for myself. But it doesn't work like that. You cannot create a something from nothing. It's all just illusions. I cannot. 
I tried and failed. I cannot try anymore. I don't want to enter the university and I don't want to earn two dollar an hour for a hard work in shitty mcdonalds or similar company. I had suicidal attempts, but I did not pushed myself harder than I should. I am afraid of heights, pain and so on. It's hard for me to finish what I'm thinking of. I don't care about anyone, I don't like anyone. I have depression which i will not cure because of the laziness and lack of motivation. No reasons to wake up in the morning, nothing which makes me feel good. I don't feel anything at all. And I don't expect anyone of you to give me the right advice, I've read many posts and topics. You can't help and tell anything I don't know. And this is a very shitty situation. 
I have serious problems with my memory and focussing on the things. alcohol & stuff made the situation worse.

Sorry for my mistakes.
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suicidewatch,ilovemydogapollo,2018/01/16,"Finally. I just took a bunch of meds, nothing yet but I feel kinda dizzy. I’m a bad person who thought was good. I blamed everyone but me for things, but everything bad that happened to me was my own fault, I was waiting till my dog dies I don’t want to live him alone but I guess I’m kind early. Sometime I felt so much pain in my heart I was only left to curl myself in bed like I was stabbed. It’s bad I can’t distract myself forever, soon or later. I’m sorry for dropping it on u guys but I had to put out my chest. Miserable life. I’m sorry.",-0.6200357142857129,1.375823925000006,2.011190476190474,95.91000000000004,88.91666666666666,5.095238095238095,19.404761904761905,6.5431188927421005,0.04447619047619078,421,13,100,5,14,145,79,120,0.316,0.59,0.095,-0.9845,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,2,2,0,8,4,2,0,0,15,20,8,1,1,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,9,2,20,3,12,11,3,14,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,7,60,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211160583996954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41625824539368456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246784510070068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587914131713204,0.14935121185073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840252316330163,0.0,0.15955815881598684,0.18204126662389206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938328667818686,0.0,0.0,0.18306520023403272,0.1645436031698801,0.1469517789330894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969232341172769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305013651098372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055426221362847,0.0,0.11737733233681215,0.0811867968892387,0.0,0.1467393392439484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845877056403424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216088368961765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945349067164286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638682254695896,0.17682645893241727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510132802727674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670560645624468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643555464261118,0.3720481731318114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040212235609344,0.0,0.0,0.13192777733580788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846312826031972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980168385272221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xerom,2018/01/16,"The thoughts wont go away. Everything is just getting worse Its been a few days since ive written a suicide letter, originally it started out as me just venting my problems onto a piece of paper but I think its starting to become more than that. Every day I wake up I look at it, sometimes I read it. I guess it shows since my parents keep asking whats wrong, I cant get up the courage to just show them the paper. Every day since I wrote it my suicidal thoughts are getting worse than ever. I just always think that I have nothing to live for. Do I have a job or friends? No, I tried to get a job but no one would take me and the last friend I had that was in the same state as me was atleast 4 years. I can barely go outside, not because im anxious to just walk and clear my head or anything, I just always tell myself tomorrow. Im not sure what to do anymore, I have the note written, I have pills in my room. I have every element to kill myself and im just afraid one day soon its going to happen. I dont know what to do anymore, I dont know what to think, I never feel like I belong. Hell, more than half of my family just acts like I dont exist, my brother just came back in my life recently and he doesnt even care about me. I just dont know, ive been going to therapy and psychiatrists for years and recently I just dont go. Its costing me $141 because i forgot about my psychiatrist appointment the other day. I hate myself, my weight, my face, the way I am, I hate waking up because its just another day full of wanting to die. Ive thought about contacting the national suicide hotline but im just too scared to talk on the phone or even go to the online chat. Maybe I can get some courage to do it today.",2.6141230486685028,3.622734636363635,4.216418732782369,88.77897153351702,74.53719008264463,7.03067033976125,26.11662075298439,7.3871296695380915,1.1496328741965112,1335,46,296,15,27,448,171,363,0.199,0.743,0.059,-0.9956,3,0,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,1,0,22,16,4,2,16,0,31,7,4,1,4,53,69,14,5,3,21,2,2,2,2,2,2,0,1,0,19,8,1,2,10,4,1,9,13,8,0,3,13,3,52,8,39,54,7,45,1,0,1,0,14,14,1,5,22,200,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864372389498434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475739895433234,0.0,0.08054130609912916,0.14140789138725932,0.0,0.0,0.05866843509882935,0.0,0.06664975223299056,0.0,0.06698254350512975,0.05482026268982095,0.0,0.13037947695984464,0.0787380147453899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154071448694981,0.07268842416113397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758702653599085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399134575027026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177769646232961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941773032338505,0.06448900753066811,0.18020342051686208,0.0,0.06407395620799619,0.0,0.06720912010003326,0.0,0.03604811066013485,0.050932055224136116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016228588468416,0.0,0.18623942657527215,0.0,0.24310626498652044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853777333073284,0.0,0.0630445627549116,0.0,0.0,0.14077504471943014,0.07316764829040336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080366418783113,0.0,0.14149549756114413,0.06336889446820702,0.07887563988469386,0.0,0.11754304759574093,0.058113677501211776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050356672428454666,0.06966075740647404,0.0,0.06295342287616416,0.0,0.059868542637293375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162385343649598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054985904064611325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840798847161504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662057418525312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916293967880113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821820365978666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131274343876402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078736276480036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137718111197883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692403673730525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051104543277921,0.0,0.10092374230328813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339503900880511,0.0,0.06719323329617959,0.0,0.0536038021353914,0.057302974898547625,0.0623136180518636,0.0,0.08153027383945596,0.0,0.0,0.13704589297460107,0.0,0.16979710822998104,0.0,0.0,0.06757785487245829,0.0,0.0,0.048403573009219915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04205072420648361,0.05658942250530099,0.0,0.0868162160424587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453082334927925,0.05064482166833547,0.07794819619936916,0.0,0.0918212892439496
suicidewatch,notteal1234x,2018/01/16,"March 1 I'm hanging myself Throwaway. I can't do it any more. I'm always tired. I'm a recovering cam girl and phone sex addicted.  I just had my worst relapse.  $200 gone. I masturbated till I hurt and ketp going because I deserve it. I try it all it never gets better. March first I'm hanging myself in the woods. The only girl who ever love me broke up with me for no reason. There's more but it's not important.  Good bye world.  I hope I can lie to my therapist and other doctors until than. 

 Edit: Thanks guys. I'm going to write down everything I want to say to my therapist and psychiatrist. My DM are open if anyone wants to talk",-0.5031818181818188,1.7211717121212151,2.3597575757575764,89.89963636363636,97.03030303030305,5.064242424242424,17.96363636363636,6.742157984588678,0.32351999999999936,494,15,103,8,20,172,91,132,0.132,0.777,0.091,-0.3142,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,1,3,18,19,8,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,2,1,17,5,13,17,4,17,0,2,0,2,10,5,0,2,8,62,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176345848257264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163330596553815,0.0,0.0,0.1320980871895063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582558285105306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841427538541315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718001941209466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988252525077408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571214293382487,0.0,0.0,0.1745812593906176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523073452608766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148870325456774,0.0,0.22079588660183985,0.16292944278618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923401163612712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929361627233848,0.0,0.0,0.2079508875208938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532010170549076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981919251512585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477374731493862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972350841946224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447706429093236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613247747871895,0.0,0.17884123238116048,0.0,0.4510833133330532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326420993340015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188442286166724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291498394893641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zbeara,2018/01/16,"Sometimes I think back to when I tried to commit suicide I’ll think about it and I’ll almost feel fond of the memories. And I want to do it again and see if it works this time. My only fear is the physical and possibly mental repercussions of being unsuccessful. Most attempts that are followed through on, cause damage. But other than that I just fantasize about it. I remember the true relief I felt, and I want to embrace it. It was the only time I felt escape.",3.252774725274726,5.311361681318684,4.5363598901098925,82.79926510989013,75.04395604395604,7.626923076923077,25.660714285714285,8.472884824447931,1.8887681318681329,367,13,69,7,8,121,58,91,0.134,0.6920000000000001,0.174,-0.0202,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,2,21,14,8,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,4,9,3,11,10,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,51,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137970376658021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417417870437276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193311363996596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24025542817105586,0.10795586651887518,0.0,0.4100015902453709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151654607624783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247643280346045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406977584544832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418625096363477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701379281045044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111644929359796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354267969365974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736141202778318,0.0,0.0,0.24899601732052634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495765717338224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518646490107172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543608829512592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DokiDepression,2018/01/16,"Struggling with guilt, self-hatred and suicidal thoughts I've been dealing with crippling guilt recently and it's really been messing with me, but I think I figured out a way to balance it out, whenever my brain tells me something bad about myself I say something I like about myself in return to balance it out.

I was on amazon earlier looking at rope and other things I could use to kill myself and I bookmarked a bunch of stuff, but I'm hovering over removing them from my bookmarks and trying to be strong and hold on. It's getting hard because I always dwell on past mistakes I made, even though I made all of the big regrettable ones while under the influence of depression/anxiety, and a lot of the bad things I did were as an escape from the pain, like I needed a form of fun/excitement that took my mind off it. But now I sit here realizing that I've done a lot of not so nice things in my life, some relatively recently. I'm a pretty awful decision maker which doesn't help, since when I'm depressed I have that ""I don't give a shit"" attitude. 

Before I turned 18 and was in college/getting an education I was always a good student and I can't even really think of one really big mistake I made, I was always that one really good angelic kid that didn't do anything bad, so when I fell depressed and started making these stupid decisions you can imagine how terribly crushing it was. 

I've been trying so hard to become a good person these past 3 weeks or so. I've improved my hygiene, I'm drinking more water, I'm trying to fix my sleeping pattern, I'm trying to think positively about myself and fight away all the guilt I feel inside, but some days like today I just fucking cave and can't handle it, my thoughts just crush me like a boulder and I want so to die so badly, I want to be free from this pain more than anything in the entire world, even more than I want success in life. If I had a button I could press that would painlessly erase me then I'd do it so fast. The main reason I haven't killed myself is because I'm afraid of the asphyxiation from hanging...I don't know what else to say.

I'm lost and scared in the dark trying to break out but I keep falling no matter how hard I try and I feel my efforts are in vain. ",6.433694139194138,5.589351287912091,7.078914835164838,78.07712683150186,65.79120879120879,9.956959706959706,32.80448717948718,9.188382445141503,2.6947893772893776,1776,63,354,27,24,589,220,455,0.23,0.627,0.14400000000000002,-0.9936,0,0,3,0,1,1,38.0,0,1,1,4,22,38,6,7,22,1,30,10,3,10,2,74,64,37,4,10,10,0,6,4,0,1,4,2,0,2,24,22,2,2,14,1,1,4,9,27,0,3,20,9,51,12,51,39,12,44,1,3,1,1,11,22,2,6,19,238,75,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585704858156155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002230818109245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913312974483007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737165178048122,0.0,0.2620460105129021,0.09565796829792862,0.08665380503876488,0.06676437405535803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758821730552141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528915160438825,0.0,0.0,0.05060073432083726,0.08088965433819423,0.13515636876980358,0.0,0.08142993787603926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029265403948628,0.0,0.07686172766783196,0.0,0.0,0.06554394247398539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554678835863182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934429038527517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253575851755968,0.08198507423978403,0.07526676250127486,0.0,0.19742762545451692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108564350088281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052590629940803935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973957680450134,0.1736105321674057,0.0,0.04312001161048643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083838700090533,0.15332796262828627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588732314908599,0.0,0.08564924726419679,0.133409157061366,0.0,0.22272455877498834,0.05237320280196155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922305577679911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817769962841971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595012350499856,0.0,0.16697567662307675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497994505468037,0.0,0.0685089566701146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982285531272841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010560269724676,0.08067078472826372,0.15494117707174185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479037743214015,0.07855296271177781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185174098033184,0.0,0.08053889836445077,0.06490359637878881,0.0,0.07851747775949819,0.0,0.0,0.12080593618996052,0.0,0.0,0.055534968195548255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202427877320224,0.08981886078557781,0.08582339613627751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685782099966192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563776359516256,0.1508235650795327,0.0770873516802345,0.1245782447888326,0.0,0.0,0.07437167777206129,0.0,0.08717285163256623,0.3196184556303772,0.08534283536596335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776495190581627,0.0,0.0,0.1388346633672593,0.06227854233926765,0.06293653254630034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573631132639025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyanddying,2018/01/16,"My life will probably end in a suicide I don't know about you but I find life extremely boring and depressing. We're literally here to study, have breakdowns because of studying, all because of an empty promise of a good job. Then we work until we die. What the serious fuck is this?

I absolutely abhorr studying, I'm horrible at it, I can't fucking stand it. When I entered college I almost fell into a deep depression because it's just isn't my place, I don't belong in a school. Then, if I ever get my degree and get a job, I'll probably be even more miserable because everyone tells me that ""work is way worse than studying"".

My questions are: why am I alive for? Isn't death a better fate than 60+ years of misery? If my life turns out to be a piece of shit like this, I'll kill myself before I even turn 30, there's no point in living a miserable life like this.",4.006385767790263,4.69993291573034,5.57477528089888,81.51399812734084,70.96629213483146,8.629962546816481,29.44007490636704,8.841846274778883,2.2689535580524347,681,26,138,12,12,232,112,178,0.324,0.579,0.097,-0.9949,2,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,2,1,0,3,8,15,4,2,10,0,13,7,1,0,2,16,21,9,4,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,0,0,20,5,18,18,3,20,0,4,0,2,5,9,3,4,9,87,28,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963209444024867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156621903001706,0.0,0.1101580397499962,0.0,0.0,0.11449385091810672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300157612597765,0.0,0.13435552209252796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466013125470355,0.0,0.0,0.17100973927351615,0.11710091481854462,0.0,0.12370133811312052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832099577375163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393610988833112,0.1352714706727297,0.0,0.0,0.10858206201675452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569314188815129,0.0,0.14322455781325694,0.0,0.07114596699535837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657561270909969,0.12649192058617972,0.0,0.11431255793868075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525460348697127,0.0,0.12237834004639828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791522411959736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502103017074938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310170001669669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288534930464266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160451912903105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315078272923465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816232334575958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275663090756253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681445438126575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849190706555435,0.0,0.13192734486246174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833658121127957
suicidewatch,aeiou221,2018/01/16,"I was lied to Last night my boyfriend told me that he never loved me and was lying, and that he wanted to end our relationship. Everything seemed to have been going fine, and it happened out of nowhere. I never even got a real explanation for why it was happening other than that he was lying about loving me. I was already dealing with untreated depression, and this was basically the last thing I had going for me. It was the only thing I had to look forward to after another terrible day. People I actually want to have relationships with are so rare, I'm pretty much given up on finding happiness at this point. The option of suicide is starting to seem really appealing, because I literally have nothing to look forward to in my life and every day is so hard. What do I do?",5.555436241610738,6.6010424295301995,7.010261744966446,71.34103020134229,67.65771812080537,9.986845637583892,32.3496644295302,10.125756701596842,3.4792330201342283,618,26,107,15,10,212,93,149,0.155,0.76,0.085,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,18,3,0,0,2,17,35,7,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,13,3,15,4,23,22,1,20,0,1,2,2,10,8,0,3,12,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.13686673112797856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477271253974176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470675368494347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549694879885315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809032104022504,0.14459472134658075,0.12079973415869667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422256034948224,0.0,0.0,0.09263580734119448,0.0,0.11816923166560553,0.0,0.1260503849453747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281887337584288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941806467466085,0.0,0.11217316503121663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24805059260497825,0.1493019645282406,0.1256391715095546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22864988688508486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990648669105078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355544527655572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531676811792665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310211898201904,0.0,0.21634357495936046,0.0,0.0,0.13161797303056794,0.0,0.13457657042737325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666875371582923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723379547045713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258445255145782,0.0,0.0,0.14268775921301655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963865995690285,0.0898496860723004,0.0,0.0,0.30115854427939953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553621923843001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927182056747784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341405709880415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863557697232469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401778605096842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544974860776776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655654978132042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeaDBoYxX,2018/01/16,"I'm so tired and depressed I barely eat one meal a day My ocd exhaust me so bad, every day same rituals same patterns I'm tired I can't be like this I tried every way possible to get help but it is not working, Why god want this to happen to me ? my idiotic genes, my lonely life, no school no job.




I want to suicide but most of people implant the fear of hell in my brain I can't get it out I'm terrified I feel like I'm trapped I can't suffer forever and I can't escape the suffering, I don't know even why i'm posting this.

My abusive parents , not they just beat me up every day when I was a child , now they are abusing my OCD. Thx god.",-0.5738380281690141,1.362081669014085,2.3304049295774694,94.16208626760564,87.94366197183098,5.240140845070423,20.84683098591549,6.6274283507984215,0.2849563380281692,495,17,117,6,16,174,83,142,0.398,0.518,0.084,-0.9957,2,3,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,2,6,11,2,1,4,0,9,7,1,0,0,15,21,7,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,1,1,21,2,9,19,3,10,2,4,0,0,5,3,1,1,7,66,26,3,0.0,0.3526746020897561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426548590811595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614169949762125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879459904943707,0.0,0.12818567095055408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228859412622195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098299745448756,0.0,0.3761830028582872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674733112252219,0.07525210385353619,0.10632302883599708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551337824497213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160845040014754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975653009968102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476892087031665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179218885497021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105121890548768,0.14542006376675845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084996619556216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525631021900772,0.0,0.0,0.10317886374712837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778164356045652,0.14253645401034729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062227239904338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279409867427308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34211267278533336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104470487548188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556567637827347,0.11813304557151008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858893953514285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083488376884746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmartCable13,2018/01/16,"A peaceful life with my family that will never come true. I have tried to talk to my best friend but I've been only complaining and I feel like they are getting tired of me. So I'm here because I have no where else to cry at. 
I grew up in a dysfunctional family for most of my life, it has always been on the verge of breaking but it just never does, and today I think it is about to around this time. 
My mother is a loving mother, but her love is too poisonous for my family. At least one or two time we would have a fight every week. It usually started from a small problem or a trivial misunderstanding that would escalate into a bigger one. When she gets angry she dont know how suicide inducing her words are to me. She says that she is worrying for the family, so she tries to work hard. I know that she worked hard, but everytime she stress up over something small she would vent it all on her family for cursing her life. If i tries to talk back, I would just get walled by her religious lectures that has almost nothing to do with reality. For  8 years, I have tried so hard to keep my family together. The family's happiness always revolve around my mother's temper. Everyday I go home, praying that nothing will go wrong. 

My family is sorta financially poor at the moment because we just bought a house we managed to save up long time ago. I was hoping things would change for the better but reality is reality. My Brother plan to move out next month with his girlfriend because he too has given up my mother (even thought he still come back often and pay for the house.) My mother doesnt know about it yet, but next month is where the family's fate will be decided. I have already ready to confess my entire family circumstances to grandma , aunts  and uncle. I dont know what will be the result after this phase of life, but right now I'm just so anxious and depressed. I feel like im drowning while holding on to a small string. My life is sometime peaceful, but other half I wish I was never born. ",5.260150375939851,5.70265924561404,6.071993984962408,79.95590075187972,68.07268170426065,9.19101754385965,28.240701754385967,9.174902378510234,2.195416761904762,1585,49,311,28,25,522,195,399,0.14300000000000002,0.716,0.141,0.5991,0,0,1,0,1,1,36.0,3,0,1,5,26,19,3,1,17,0,37,9,0,3,5,66,62,23,2,9,15,7,5,2,2,9,7,1,1,0,17,17,0,2,11,0,3,6,7,8,0,4,7,6,49,11,49,44,4,60,2,1,0,2,37,25,0,8,30,220,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800454462369825,0.0,0.06552411302907278,0.0,0.07220960433709962,0.0,0.1088950094722056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392339015194425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650277965128032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063158553857927,0.0,0.1196664594841135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867042788841395,0.05787230439410804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922198950882845,0.11273362684453705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187772751208214,0.0,0.0,0.056359424503763765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057262970034779,0.0,0.1533796311389932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054662890267986035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321947251417348,0.0,0.05513215684710178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6168668286566757,0.0,0.06617222087980076,0.09349414286726833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050555237019998985,0.0,0.1025619061264298,0.0,0.07437690524024089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965721287961298,0.17585182908033065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656370535501956,0.06499212876266199,0.0,0.15100735992752515,0.0,0.0,0.07068147377272091,0.0,0.0,0.0581620007937927,0.0,0.0,0.14384636468603215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23109483338280246,0.06393687410160337,0.0,0.0,0.05790828052015001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181160282643601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445984319490118,0.06954748735722892,0.0,0.0,0.15140347118369826,0.0,0.1391826060991959,0.0,0.0,0.12557408530407682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868145735568808,0.04976657948650828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261285207369796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588148434632726,0.0,0.052036866036713265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037537707084165,0.06471729568345258,0.0,0.04631552143379579,0.0,0.05225680457887858,0.0,0.0749560434048637,0.0,0.0,0.0715757201710173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051890110914952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043472380165838265,0.04192836986698503,0.0,0.05194840795068968,0.1144677449287374,0.0752083801982178,0.062025119448891275,0.0,0.0,0.17770539791866474,0.0,0.06392088942261485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206786171304881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248834053263443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524749450615219,0.0,0.0,0.09527551858943158,0.06645283723375918,0.0,0.23241719638592276,0.0715433508390618,0.0,0.04213825996738089
suicidewatch,ShittyWok-,2018/01/16,"I don't know how to go on My girlfriend of (on and off) 6 years broke up with me in October. She was all I had, my only friend in the whole world.
We still talk, but I get the feeling she just feels sorry for me. I treat her badly.
Today is my 25th birthday, we had plans to do something and she bailed on me. Probably never intended to actually see me.
I don't have a single friend and no-one is interested in being friends with me.
I'm scared I'm not going to make it through tonight.",1.2856623931623936,2.783607096153851,3.4397435897435926,90.98303418803421,79.0,6.545299145299146,23.09401709401709,7.3871296695380915,0.7484350427350424,374,12,87,5,9,128,71,104,0.101,0.727,0.172,0.8422,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,3,2,18,20,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,3,19,5,17,16,3,16,0,1,1,0,11,9,0,0,5,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.21810391479235486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866132970663316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601679152761775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180270050298251,0.0,0.11676960839181165,0.0,0.25404058172217603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282984229252646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491880915670948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237710088468694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699819421396852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409709728447695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237626489681164,0.0,0.17810068997321804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206134154431954,0.0,0.25019012965125303,0.0,0.0,0.17848751559748807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964096168124813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211852017441278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952994575127665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392677458542574
suicidewatch,Lionarse,2018/01/16,"Why haven't I done it yet? Let's count the reasons:

1. It would hurt what little family I have left.
2. Them pesky ol' survival instincts. 
3. ??? Can't really think of anything else",-0.803571428571427,0.9855426111111107,1.1657142857142873,95.86500000000002,109.0,4.27936507936508,16.253968253968253,6.18269132825596,-0.13316984126984144,138,4,29,2,7,45,32,36,0.179,0.821,0.0,-0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494298543230473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101819810277108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532056034783575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857407225451287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32448051690838553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293248199721669,0.30994572845998963,0.0,0.0,0.30379116195642303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941770311677938,0.3116427538410578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942176519204547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27350540870673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531732471933085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jyapps,2018/01/16,"My cousin said he’s going to walk around until he dies I’m in Scotland across the world and he’s telling me this. I don’t know what to do, no one is responding to me, and I just want to know what to say to him. He’s tried to Kill himself multiple times before and i just feel sick in the middle of class right now. 

Edit: additionally we are from Midwest in the US so it is very cold outside there. ",2.7145736434108514,3.3297789069767454,4.132558139534884,90.96341085271321,73.88372093023256,7.128682170542637,23.635658914728683,7.1686216300943375,0.5893240310077519,310,8,74,3,6,103,60,86,0.119,0.865,0.015,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,12,5,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,4,10,0,15,11,0,13,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,3,47,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531022826914748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24193270561154345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29507601122411864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375914639610904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158382273950836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145544788234975,0.0,0.31250621974756443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926604614612271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24280504363207114,0.2704504402877295,0.22610017747946265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850546605472415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578744657554628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930324838361769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34199817369924035,0.0,0.0,0.23459118428826164,0.167697449507321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedsentient,2018/01/16,Just want to be at the end of my rope already can't take much more of this life. at least 45 hours of my week is spent being treated like human garbage by users that i support and being stressed out on an understaffed team that keeps shrinking. i had a way out of it though by working hard and giving up my lunches to get moved to another department until that headcount got cut because working in IT for a company isn't profitable to the company so the budget cut all open headcount for non sales jobs. i can't manage my stress and i bring it home and i feel like shit after being destroyed by users yelling at me and calling me an idiot and that our team sucks because we don't help soon enough. i come home and then feel like im just a pile of shit there feeling like im always in the way with my wife and if im sad it ruins her day and i have no reason to be this way because she has so much more stress with school and there are people that are worse off. i admit im lucky to have a job and roof over my head and food in my belly but its getting fucking harder and harder to deal with it all. ,2.9489926786165093,3.9195696351931346,3.88490785155264,91.62138348901794,73.67811158798284,6.340722039888918,24.86468063620297,6.2272716619740125,0.5845634435748543,867,26,192,5,17,279,130,233,0.118,0.7979999999999999,0.084,-0.7906,2,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,2,0,0,4,8,21,8,3,10,0,16,7,3,1,2,35,33,20,0,2,4,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,2,1,13,21,2,1,5,2,4,4,5,13,0,0,3,5,21,8,34,25,8,28,0,2,0,1,13,13,4,2,12,127,34,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451444094809053,0.0,0.08634620869498259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881347549944424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977444668007995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059623133395684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938996669948614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692403869192749,0.1069838694905402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191075621879212,0.10722370897377437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740997925224842,0.22240316092271026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254809209479063,0.0,0.0,0.09593508819057688,0.10843266119014433,0.09954708747728877,0.0,0.0,0.08299555569027894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295888952584944,0.0,0.10649950661690813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955585527030285,0.0,0.20818256966736434,0.0,0.1021940334759675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483641492721335,0.0,0.20595442153567547,0.09223688547344128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732968859025511,0.2027900709587974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102926917709982,0.1525679988681178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194209849298383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669439467480722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105022307502108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130399261074808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566097398671971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775867899892925,0.0,0.0,0.07802326046549063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195498100472768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120712480876009,0.2471069817344715,0.08323924535478291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109378935763867,0.0,0.10575203341875494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,micronbuzz,2018/01/16,"I was the closest to trying to commit suicide today I'm not friends with someone anymore. I thought we were on good terms. She didn't want to be friends anymore, saying that I was selfish, only thinking about myself. Berating things that I didn't enjoy but she did. Never being able to relate to her with some of her issues. Basically, I was too emotionally dependent on her, and treated her as if she was only for my own happiness.
I didn't know what to do. I thought about death when something similar happened, but it was only theory, with getting hit by a car. Today, I visited the highest floor and wanted to get on the roof. Failing that, I almost cut myself with a kitchen knife, before collapsing on the floor in tears. I even wrote a note, and kept it with me for the rest of the day in case I decided to die.
The same friend wanted to help, even when she probably hated me. My teacher said I had much more to do in life. I know that I don't want to die, but rather run away from all this. It feels like too much sometimes. Honestly, I feel so lost. I couldn't tell my mother why the kitchen knife was in the dryer instead of being stowed away. All I could say was that I was cutting ham.

I know things will be better, but I'm not sure if I can survive for the time being. Wish me luck, I guess.",2.642840909090906,4.295290329545455,3.9740909090909113,87.94363636363637,75.62878787878788,6.618181818181819,25.25757575757576,7.348242739294969,1.14170303030303,1013,35,209,12,22,333,140,264,0.183,0.698,0.119,-0.9423,1,0,1,0,0,4,35.0,1,0,0,4,11,18,3,0,13,0,26,3,0,1,5,47,51,13,4,10,9,1,2,1,3,1,1,3,2,0,12,9,2,1,9,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,20,5,38,12,37,22,10,24,0,2,0,0,20,13,0,7,9,156,50,1,0.11717935059305183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733819309681752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242085751504396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018771438103293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971099668770546,0.0,0.0,0.10363561312063356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355817647801352,0.0,0.0,0.07557098712671233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322733136404515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318109975077806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479171184386958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184988010107704,0.08371295147721755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715974267767343,0.0,0.1224427485710598,0.0,0.0,0.098284479740819,0.0,0.0,0.12908626559504527,0.0,0.10362131273868752,0.1247395976474741,0.0,0.11569034899475407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854284866782196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230479786809033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319611974353487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276724072897189,0.057247911742140924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791510339307105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228061102955414,0.0,0.09037593905518312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736052928934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633915899569298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146439621527382,0.18637144565268424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928568349612736,0.09021038895163287,0.11589337400476453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817519057059495,0.0,0.11044015117329968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241991730727383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569750745085587,0.07508379636522787,0.0,0.1860546306208133,0.06832822166218397,0.0,0.2221446458807614,0.0,0.0,0.07955708719809493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764616679682733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057361378281689,0.0,0.13475047020471734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BarryReadyToDieAllen,2018/01/16,"How do people hang themselves with a belt? I’m at work and all I have is my belt to hang myself. I want to do it during my lunch around back where there are a lot of trees. The only way I can think of is fastening the belt on a branch and putting my head through. I don’t think it will be tight enough around my neck, and I don’t want to fall out. I’ve thought about calling the suicide hotline, but I’ve heard they charge you to your phone bill, and that they will track you down and take you to a mental hospital ",3.513976833976834,3.5749553783783803,3.7762676962676975,96.2318918918919,71.7927927927928,7.063577863577862,23.96525096525097,6.18269132825596,0.23063861003861064,401,9,100,2,7,124,70,111,0.028,0.949,0.023,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,4,2,1,7,0,0,0,7,0,12,3,2,1,1,19,20,7,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,9,1,1,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,16,0,16,15,3,13,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,1,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278242290026908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847708296112224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453664775280229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482873669818281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24661040301490986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042888970989956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24215927865461065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827539957642766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665892215530355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415612854267196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26284203165912445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806707685242658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079406785893866,0.0,0.19076615721912368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834626036488285,0.19073375482868551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493649252559765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,selonnan,2018/01/16,It's finally over She finally pushed me over the edge. I can finally be at peace i dont have to live anymore. Its been fun everyone. Goodbye,0.2229310344827553,2.623828448275866,3.106465517241382,85.70383620689658,92.10344827586206,8.417241379310347,27.9396551724138,8.841846274778883,3.0961655172413782,111,6,23,4,4,39,25,29,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735392631467724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30413166087085963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479630392239392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8528075574376544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291429480093186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadsadjew,2018/01/16,"I want to kill myself so much. But it will hurt too many people I love. I am going to run away instead. Do you think it will help? Some background. I am pretty lonely. I have minimal contact with family (narcissistic dad makes life hellish), and most of my friends have moved out of my shithole town. I have one good friend still here. Two days ago my girlfriend broke up with me. I am still madly in love with her. I want her back more than anything on this Earth. I haven't stopped crying for 2 days. I am also OK with her moving on without me because I just want her to be happy. She knows all this. I don't want sympathy. I have the potential to move cities and possibly countries to run away. Every place I go to reminds me of her. The aisle at the shop where I used to buy the tonic she likes. The place we had our first kiss. It's too much. I just want out so bad. I can't do this anymore.

Before the break up I had a couple of major and minor depressive spells. Most recently in December. I was so sad and angry with how my professional life turned out and so sad and angry with my landlord's shitty behaviour that I wanted to kill myself. There were plenty of times living with my parents when I felt this way. My now ex was an absolute gem in getting me through it, even though she didn't understand why I felt how I did. I think I will love her for the rest of my life. I accept that our time together is over, but it's not going to stop me from loving her. It just hurts so bad that everything is such a fuck up.

She left me because I treated her terribly. Our relationship had its fair share of problems. I fucked up two days ago by berating her exactly as my father does my mother. It hurts me beyond description that I did what I promised to never do. I broke her heart. Now I am in terrible emotional pain. I have a very supportive friend and little brother. I haven't told my parents yet and don't want to. I miss her so bad it hurts my body as I cry, pining for her. I know she still loves me. I just hurt her so badly. She said she never wants to feel that way again. I've promised her I won't ever do it again. She said she needs time. I doubt that we'll get back together. I wish we could.

I want it all to end so badly. But I can't kill myself because it will destroy my mother and ex whom I still love and still loves me. I want to run away to a different country. Start a new life. I don't know if that will help either. Has anyone here escaped to a different place and found it stopped the (constant) thoughts of suicide?

I just want to die. I want to die so much.",0.917883696229424,3.021377643122676,2.5887559745087643,93.61386152416357,82.97769516728623,5.77594264471588,20.387812002124267,7.021680442328713,0.3478012745618693,2004,58,447,26,56,658,237,538,0.21600000000000005,0.625,0.159,-0.9954,4,2,0,0,0,6,62.0,6,1,0,1,42,51,8,1,15,1,42,17,2,4,6,80,90,31,6,17,12,9,3,1,4,7,5,2,1,0,26,23,0,3,12,1,2,9,13,30,0,4,16,5,103,21,62,65,12,71,1,12,0,10,59,26,2,5,34,321,129,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827613689065462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044329802921474995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497470624801254,0.03876008869024213,0.0,0.045616690185358716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624357099794794,0.08524921228217455,0.2314214737050249,0.10137444772453157,0.0,0.047169456400859816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061573639931215875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990345148134281,0.0,0.04425879263994709,0.06133563327027501,0.1217812403182035,0.10724922528679096,0.0,0.04774441859291386,0.0,0.11506154168939765,0.11583151146613414,0.0,0.0,0.048509849688606964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235473825991476,0.04909724314639314,0.0,0.0,0.03661301734803611,0.05014238187761807,0.04670474898590251,0.0,0.04981966545326732,0.0,0.05225736128923877,0.0,0.02802862379030304,0.0,0.106448873016125,0.0,0.0,0.047151337694667284,0.0,0.0607794957692224,0.12848234805088976,0.10249395271976627,0.05792297822890164,0.0,0.09451166673637,0.04649462582884183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059009529622110576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568845021159257,0.07431123143698293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29671121869446554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398542359605893,0.0,0.09139369026266694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022818849728717,0.0,0.15661605570796944,0.027081796057246168,0.055558495007050186,0.04894841293469503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35021354475741795,0.0,0.03700200205714738,0.05620042844733802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176749729670173,0.12224904535039174,0.04110291611286112,0.08550679581113561,0.05353760065105582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03756288019882864,0.0,0.05898469063714831,0.0,0.1231037196545973,0.0,0.0,0.03843030835002099,0.0,0.17374726719920122,0.0,0.0,0.06249245304061717,0.0,0.05639535675634357,0.0,0.053041957845101725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054733465264899785,0.059514367730390726,0.0,0.0,0.10545907978418208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039235809488021765,0.0,0.2213445909100313,0.13903357612859665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060634777147273826,0.06290478648272044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103854091747026,0.05446270598034248,0.044007662538632704,0.09697039984678264,0.0,0.0,0.052968670176931486,0.0,0.0,0.06029525789581641,0.1083001016527724,0.057707776747490974,0.0,0.0478763710385036,0.0,0.04573808494118397,0.3923503031841535,0.08800037532428373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500197200806447,0.0,0.06374529029354788,0.053435497573226416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kalopsiablue,2018/01/16,"I'm tired of trying I guess all my medications and therapy just doesn't work. I'm so tired of pretending that I'm improving, because I feel bad always being a burden. I'm tired of having to fake my positivity. At the same time I feel bad for spreading negative vibe. I wish I can just disappear. I got warded at the mental hospital on November for overdose attempt, and I honestly have the thoughts every single day. As if it's just a matter of time.",2.930333333333333,4.957956200000002,5.448611111111113,76.03625000000005,75.8888888888889,8.944444444444445,27.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.919666666666667,358,15,66,10,8,127,60,90,0.268,0.589,0.14300000000000002,-0.9292,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,0,1,14,15,5,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,9,1,11,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900358668361075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31910714357312003,0.11648771512992424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323832566822995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100298301604102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932433912206781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283347390700827,0.0,0.21050903056253226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250476481109455,0.1925754692730444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852999110589266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170544961973376,0.2228541918981697,0.6588953299958275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973870785748895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974600256566112,0.0,0.0,0.13911701970811916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaygreen27,2018/01/16,"I plan on buying rope This is hard to type. I'm not really even sure what I should type. I'm not sure if I plan on leaving a suicide note.
I've failed to find meaningful companionship.

I would just like to know who and what means the most to people on here and why.
20/female",-0.052154963680386864,2.1154164237288136,1.8971428571428568,96.47322033898304,88.15254237288136,5.405326876513318,15.20823244552058,6.868970318607317,-0.4291326876513315,215,4,51,3,7,71,41,59,0.221,0.701,0.078,-0.8288,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,15,7,3,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,7,5,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,29,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161145034710256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26515048444650824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25987687228422984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594339828858966,0.0,0.0,0.3071790408520545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417305263645998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31600911824750144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112210502172304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584853045145755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173275089627564,0.0,0.5468405844419841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26177441262219586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608208982888213,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antisocial199,2018/01/16,Suicide I'm thinking of doing suicide. I'm only 17 and I've lost most of my hair on my head. People keep making fun of me. I can't stand it anymore.,-2.0991176470588258,-0.2641432647058828,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,99.29411764705885,2.72,18.564705882352946,3.1291,-0.7127458823529409,115,4,26,0,5,42,26,34,0.285,0.631,0.083,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,5,8,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30290384363927864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31345862921490264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714796396903369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334122151646311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038764626571085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229278365987185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174625397629765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.668180270878094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570679462435356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thepwnlyfrodor,2018/01/16,"Things don't get better... Why Keep going on? Things don't get better, they get worse. Every high has a valley twice as deep as the high. ",-0.2674999999999983,2.021882964285716,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,94.35714285714286,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.3906714285714283,105,0,23,0,4,33,20,28,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.6711,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494035035537712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140625356546721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982188062746567,0.0,0.14439221899143054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368717963740193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258265607709997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375818564490791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292560894917059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589161361955758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JellyMan8,2018/01/16,"I have been wanting to end it all and I think I am there I have been struggling with Bipolar disorder for the  past 4 years. I have to reapply to uni amd they are busy processing my reapplication. This is one of my main ropes that tether me to this world. I am expecting to hear if I will be alowed back in, in the next week. If I am rejected I will in all likelihood commit suicide. My family say they support me in everything but I do not feel it. They have not changed since my last attempt. My friends are merely fleeting faces. I don't see the point in life if I can not be happy and I feel that I will never be happy. I am so fucking lonely and loath myself and feel guilty about everything the whole time. I have tried to get help with psychologists and no improvements have been made. I believe if I get rejected from the uni I will end my story because I don't see what is left in this life after that. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I am just so empty and see no hope for my future. ",1.6803157894736849,3.473695352380953,3.3300501253132815,90.87372180451128,78.80952380952381,6.7067669172932325,22.4812030075188,7.669130373188453,0.8515714285714284,784,24,174,12,19,260,109,210,0.168,0.745,0.087,-0.9593,1,4,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,3,1,7,10,1,1,5,0,29,7,3,1,5,33,46,14,1,8,10,0,3,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,4,8,35,5,23,35,4,24,0,3,3,1,7,10,1,5,13,131,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729804188635728,0.0,0.08506260212039161,0.0,0.0,0.1572143747967288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476153613206822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992551818110762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471829550372465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508200325828337,0.0,0.1315463777406817,0.0,0.21166762969124095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780865491316304,0.12900295659768038,0.14580831840687394,0.0,0.07930408977592326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29708694363672794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727230068900186,0.0,0.09353106509606324,0.0,0.0,0.13859521574538206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374414307308832,0.0,0.0,0.15161117666943202,0.0,0.19712318337683432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203660822421248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524449347738647,0.0,0.14840291961174165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455626357239408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320720987957638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191088913907392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096821741920156,0.0,0.0,0.333587169680702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542935509055655,0.0,0.13964128841522794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587804264808055,0.0,0.15263467389196078,0.15834892157206756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941192692407128,0.0,0.0,0.0813671958246939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947388492751054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460922096590827,0.0,0.11193098331650324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579200051810527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985951595217365
suicidewatch,AffixalSpheroid,2018/01/16,"Getting closer It keeps coming back, I feel myself getting more comfortable with the idea of death. I’m separating myself from the things that are holding myself back. I have a decent amount of money in my savings, I have a promising career in a difficult science field and graduating in a few months. I have a few jobs lined up, and have the opportunity to move cities.

 But I’m separating these things from the idea that i want to leave here. I don’t feel guilt that I will leave behind all of this and “cut it short” and you “never know what will happen tomorrow.” I’m ready. This is what I want and my work ethic that has gotten me all the previous things, will get me this too. I’m working towards it. I’m ready.",4.3441549295774635,5.427951725352116,5.238140845070426,82.79946478873241,70.47887323943661,7.933521126760564,25.46760563380281,8.238735603445708,1.4486061971830981,563,16,113,8,10,184,79,142,0.093,0.787,0.119,0.5709,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,4,7,1,1,10,0,11,0,0,0,3,21,28,6,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,2,5,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,2,16,4,14,24,6,14,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,83,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28620453795981105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603118713219769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819925971868287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916945290893681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645709001454506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201768821737693,0.0,0.0,0.18467922040074547,0.16541753242697255,0.0,0.0,0.1022777344752784,0.0,0.0,0.3941139248728672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854620940802618,0.19779879626074826,0.0,0.0,0.1435346575786901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709171155195727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195375852262519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709714413305727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Areyoufinished93,2018/01/16,"I lost my job today I just feel like a loser but what else is new. I think I have finally reached my breaking point. In a sense it is sort of a relief, if I end up killing myself then I can finally be at peace. I just hope I can go through with it. ",-0.01785714285714235,1.2969743571428578,2.4744285714285716,97.27057142857143,82.21428571428572,5.908571428571428,21.91428571428571,6.742157984588678,0.21710428571428508,188,6,49,2,5,65,41,56,0.159,0.591,0.25,0.6918,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,11,3,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,11,3,6,9,0,12,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,3,7,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147461328155557,0.0,0.22768467924040264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299805815617142,0.1836484086664694,0.0,0.5632077233026523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609685558911115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553251071578679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550989042776761,0.0,0.28440607165031645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558974095882772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28061852757559946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482764947756932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430109995037538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471787788851305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24366904994910465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydhdkshak,2018/01/16,"I'm Feeling Trapped. I Don't Even Know What I Should Do Anymore. I'm completely dead tired of constantly getting beaten down by the great equation.

For ages now I have been trying to better my life and fuel the fire to get myself out of a depression but it seems like every time i try to dig myself out i get dragged in further then i started.

I work hard and try to earn money for my hobbies such as mountain biking and bmx that are basically the only things pretty much stopping me from killing myself and I cannot even do that. work is limiting me to one shift a week and I cannot even find a new job.

I try to be social and talk to people more and everyone just pushes me away. even my own parents push me away and i feel like even they are against me now.

I try to go to the gym and maintain a healthy lifestyle but I cannot even achieve that because my parents cannot even supply me with healthy foods.

I asked my dad on some advice on what I should make myself to eat and he started going off at me.

 He told me that it isn't his responsibility at all to even remotely help me when it comes to food and even at one point started coming at me like he was wanting to hit me in the argument we ended up having over it. (that he kept on going when i just wanted it to stop.) 

 I finally had enough and called mum.

well mum decides to ignore what i said and decides to believe my dads bullshit story making me look like the bad guy. 

I love my parents but they have been treating me so bad lately that it isn't funny.

I'm also dreading the thought of school coming back. not because of the work but the people.

I'm getting pretty suicidal. I really don't want to kill myself but I feel like i'm trapped and that there is really no way out in the mud that i'm in. 

this shit feels like it has been going on for a while now. probably around 8 months and i see no sign of it getting any better. ",3.0481922675026136,4.067043888888893,4.366325322187393,88.07954545454548,73.49494949494951,6.876210379658656,25.77638453500523,7.0983637204850245,1.0301902821316615,1484,48,319,14,29,491,191,396,0.172,0.691,0.13699999999999998,-0.9422,4,2,0,0,1,2,23.0,1,0,2,9,25,21,4,1,15,0,26,7,1,2,1,57,67,27,4,5,8,7,6,6,0,2,2,1,0,1,21,24,3,5,10,2,1,9,11,9,1,2,9,9,51,12,52,54,6,56,0,1,2,1,24,24,1,2,28,220,72,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718221658133659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058776954882549075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998169679340811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289104881753232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542950471749202,0.06871144596006704,0.0,0.13810906309843454,0.05651603180999998,0.12273683727318205,0.08960835897395206,0.0,0.0,0.0828079660243167,0.0,0.13000741183001682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505048106489175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189938095679511,0.07706208172783853,0.07942607981508032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330439913076566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520760997809371,0.0,0.0,0.06509811131768213,0.0759438963384611,0.0,0.4369073116188604,0.0,0.06192589957613622,0.0702312424599097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865278412004884,0.15752264830338525,0.0,0.08051433058397107,0.06717656145873907,0.0,0.17775005442598954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200041809647547,0.0,0.16708422191659933,0.0,0.0,0.08103267417179953,0.0,0.07277535641667922,0.0,0.0,0.06584047816902394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049264688872802186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293620687649713,0.0,0.1626310402042337,0.0,0.04039301218816623,0.0,0.08290983519565433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191436817650879,0.21544677396578726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061720471484275986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633552651419025,0.0,0.09812202455893863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058666032034319374,0.0,0.05403006667788714,0.0,0.0,0.07098558826352512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960936296586112,0.055899140896594916,0.0,0.0,0.2448351210413461,0.0,0.0,0.1019096116449179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948011236370176,0.0,0.0,0.149549383087696,0.07924412554346559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417041235244167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991417924201056,0.0,0.0,0.07438469822114492,0.05856901878678655,0.0669105369402806,0.0,0.0,0.07544545054031447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492275930366347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606846311562705,0.0,0.0,0.12289655705960248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039574565697498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907554238654315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882932942295789,0.0,0.0,0.058349828446148964,0.042857734835360435,0.08447604566523571,0.0,0.0702312424599097,0.0,0.24950426518246804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005446984086272,0.058339917495743125,0.0589562950304352,0.0,0.06608423801862935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052398092993153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Danky_Day,2018/01/16,Is this a dangerous decision? So I'm a huge pc nerd. I ordered a 50ft Ethernet cable so I would have faster internet (run it from my pc room to my router. And I'm scared I might get desperate and try to hang my self with it. Should i cancel the order?,-0.8879740259740281,1.1733802545454566,2.277922077922078,92.72545454545455,91.9090909090909,6.779220779220778,18.766233766233768,7.957251820313856,0.8778051948051946,194,6,46,5,7,69,40,55,0.236,0.716,0.047,-0.8512,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475417701050624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026286021252242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743580369226403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942783802132663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216801716598178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33657504839256025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,st175,2018/01/16,"Made it through the night. Wasn’t entirely sure that I would. I talked with a conselor and other redditors and it helped. Not in as much pain. But the anxiety and sadness are still creeping up and consuming me. I’m trying to get the strength and courage now to get out of bed, go to work and school. 
",2.0174999999999983,4.269884416666667,2.666666666666668,93.755,79.83333333333334,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.4691666666666667,235,10,51,4,6,73,47,60,0.12,0.7440000000000001,0.136,0.2716,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,13,8,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,3,10,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,35,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507919796282345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210970401048676,0.0,0.1746423576753846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597280380394092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907691724965529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258965717228387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883747606574372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269826613583775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31099810438826714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454055200807017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28962111733305484,0.0,0.0,0.2469914127137109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863256923579876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371381467752735,0.0,0.0,0.21829296075190646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RivenCat,2018/01/16,"They said Asian start with A+ Asian
My mom and dad got divorced, im dropout of school. Im living far away from my family, i have no friends.
My mom call me a loser, forced me to live with my grandparents.
Enough? Not yet.
Last 2 months, my cousin - who's helped me through in Saigon- went to jail. My grandfather broke his leg, put my mom in debts.
Then, my mom lost her job, she's stressed out, she blames me for not living with my grandfather, she steals money from my dad.
Last week, my dad told me that he has 550k in debt and he will sue my mom because he's broke.
I feel worthless, i have no life, i have no future, i dont know what to do.",0.8052545248868768,2.598991595588238,1.6782352941176484,101.66359728506792,81.57352941176471,5.361085972850678,18.54977375565611,6.297961479604792,-0.4891395927601812,491,11,124,4,13,152,83,136,0.236,0.743,0.021,-0.981,4,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,1,8,0,1,2,0,7,2,1,0,0,10,15,3,0,0,2,9,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,3,2,6,7,0,0,5,2,28,1,16,9,1,16,0,5,0,0,25,6,0,0,8,66,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479432451199208,0.0,0.0,0.07448121657093137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247618235163012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319678513530582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624701211344627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518263026750858,0.0,0.061779059089429926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439776793382597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977203738322056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189624278916541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26395577398949555,0.0,0.12124711315848904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714821525999858,0.19918981885626547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630099565647889,0.0,0.0,0.32366771743597395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333764504542593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7154923626715659,0.09752477307558996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282699236018205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622337882600425,0.0,0.0,0.12365504471257975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648128466516851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995945044765712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167504558636696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800729817310934,0.0,0.0,0.11326424743662693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,f3arxd,2018/01/16,What's the point of living when you dislike yourself? I'm my worst enemy. Why would I continue to live this life when I have to live with myself? Theres literally nothing I like about myself. ,2.283947368421053,4.758882394736844,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,80.3157894736842,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.4520842105263156,153,5,29,3,4,51,31,38,0.312,0.688,0.0,-0.913,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405641352114368,0.14805716079415168,0.0,0.8028082438666304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907890446739557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28648453570797644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734596229586825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528127985708675,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FauxLeo,2018/01/16,"feeling trapped my suicidal thoughts has really reached a peak for me. i’ve been dealing with these feelings for about like 4 or 5 years now with no help at all and i think i’m reaching my limit soon. i’ve recently entered college however i got really unmotivated and decided to stop attending classes cause i thought i was going to commit suicide. 

now i’m on academic probation and i’ve got student debt to accompany it too. i keep going back and forth with going through it or not. in 2017, i’ve sometimes almost gone through with it but decided to wait till past me and my mom’s birthday and end it 2018. however, i’ve been having second thoughts and consider seeking help instead.

but for some reason, i feel like i can’t reach help either. i feel as if i came to my mom or to the ER about my suicidal thoughts, i’d be dismissed or being yelled at for the fact i’ve fucked up my first year of college. i’d also have to figure out what the fuck to do with my debt. 

i just feel like i should commit to this and finish it off. i’m tired of failing everyone and it just seems like there is no place for me. i feel like the mistake that i am. ",3.196203309692674,4.526576480851066,4.665921985815603,84.86361111111113,73.55319148936171,7.945626477541372,29.651300236406627,8.515128840125781,2.1757186761229312,903,39,187,16,18,302,130,235,0.189,0.6829999999999999,0.128,-0.9674,4,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,3,12,9,2,0,5,0,13,3,0,2,4,56,39,19,3,3,11,2,6,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,16,0,4,16,0,2,7,4,4,1,2,11,7,23,5,34,25,3,28,0,1,0,2,6,8,2,8,18,119,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098817398323956,0.0,0.0,0.08775343345180925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437789685276194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550530877988456,0.0,0.11272600935043757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312989561234027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971908597641686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048545756369794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329057848804417,0.3135730834795362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333882629440517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289276438108805,0.0,0.0,0.18709136316398625,0.0,0.17552699479354045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065513287455527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753572454341322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680499834698957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25703590621361283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475255668847593,0.0,0.0,0.11464762037258874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059552812854126,0.11282379100197032,0.10834809056603137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989679394495188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852873420491972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174169419746736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600902461049019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703124699647033,0.0,0.34846295101237845,0.0,0.12612193105902475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132889724645906
suicidewatch,Karma_Craze,2018/01/16,"Help: Dealing with Anxiety/Past Mistakes Hey. I suffer with anxiety and depression due to some past mistakes i have made in my life.

I had a problem with sexting from age 14 - 20 and i have received therapy to treat this addiction which has worked. This is good but however everyday i am suffering fear, guilt, shame and anxiety due to my fear of getting in trouble for it in the future.

I dont think im a bad person, i have dont most things correctly and i have looked after my disabled mother all of my life but if this ever came out and if i got in trouble, everyone would hate me and I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

I like my life, i have a good family, girlfriend and like my job but my fear is enhanced by this, that i may loose everything at anytime. I told my mother and girlfriend about the addiction that i used to have and they seem fine with it. My girlfriend also did the same up until we got together and my mother is very supportive. She says that its not like i met up with any of these people which is true.

Does anybody have any advice how do deal with this? I think about it every day when i wake up and some days all day and it makes me panic

Thanks :)",3.330916666666667,4.568577591666671,4.5075,86.49416666666669,73.08333333333334,8.0,26.25,8.515128840125781,1.69,922,31,193,16,18,303,129,240,0.202,0.655,0.14300000000000002,-0.9496,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,1,6,26,1,6,6,0,22,6,1,4,5,50,38,21,0,7,6,3,0,3,3,3,5,1,0,1,17,22,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,16,0,0,8,2,34,10,31,26,6,24,0,3,1,0,18,9,0,7,16,138,51,2,0.1115925544991828,0.0,0.0,0.2433047121676079,0.0,0.10904695273291044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924052551571701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177352746238515,0.0,0.17073599749924276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317512178270224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763215375133918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590389749082808,0.2300940473520653,0.09611450367197424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976553964511892,0.0,0.261571285550127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009418543388262,0.09402154011297167,0.10663146801783192,0.10029219245441337,0.0,0.10519952889881212,0.3767179451654155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058302503912988586,0.0,0.0,0.187197080482054,0.178501520013712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017454449002627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479813701070896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205391082376126,0.0,0.1107383913268046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646336428004855,0.16355545611194247,0.0,0.09853827009315204,0.0,0.09370964047628699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055915732622148,0.0744888966585914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092981874574156,0.0,0.0,0.2130554404604164,0.07736422647675527,0.09743831426320468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067790037520403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874287833492166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158967049281878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663390841407238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273943125031526,0.12761581145737494,0.0,0.07413713464728311,0.14300800602643138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663146801783192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638013773329346,0.0,0.09207554437956766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124070873631463,0.0,0.0,0.07927214896941655,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DragonQueen057,2018/01/16,"I'm incredibly tired I've been up for too long, unable to sleep.  In this time, I've looked up how to self-induce a coma because I don't want to be conscious right now, or in an hour, or in 12 days.  I had to end things with one of my partners because their inability to give me what I need in a relationship and my other partner broke up with me just a couple days ago (wasn't cheating, everyone knew of the situation).  I've been lying in bed for a few hours with my cat, on the verge of tears thinking about life.  I even thought that if my house had a balcony, I'd probably be out there right now contemplating a jump.  Or I could use the rope in my desk, which is actually meant for more fun and kinky things.  But I still want to live, which is why I thought of a coma.  I just don't want to live right now...  I need to feel loved, and even more so with how clingy I am to begin with.  Day-to-day seeing my friends so happy with their partner(s), getting their relationship needs met, hurts.  I miss my partner, I love him still so much...  I don't see my therapist until next month, and I haven't seen her for months due to complications with scheduling and illness.  Oh, and not to mention I'm also a trans woman struggling hard with dysphoria.
Writing this was a very last minute idea and I basically wrote as it came to mind.  I'm tired, y'all...  ",4.927008122743684,4.587385209386285,5.730828068592057,84.81082694043322,68.74729241877256,8.946660649819496,28.86484657039712,8.472884824447931,1.7217799638989173,1041,32,235,14,16,342,155,277,0.119,0.7979999999999999,0.083,-0.4577,0,1,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,3,0,18,10,1,1,13,0,16,9,1,3,0,46,45,20,0,8,8,0,2,0,4,0,6,0,1,4,10,17,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,14,6,31,5,42,28,4,38,0,3,4,2,20,15,0,4,21,147,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.10442206013603697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485403555650028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557236447347766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045927896931392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238593527131343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543528924887009,0.1183996954534824,0.0,0.2760391186337664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477522813733982,0.0,0.0,0.14135242020045774,0.0,0.0,0.10224846607337433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541052622075134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267228509372858,0.0,0.05590602571787792,0.10264955174135283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390948399153647,0.09585602735368216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075798384040426,0.12347013135593735,0.11455174115918547,0.12079633266108128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872238711396081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558124172794604,0.0,0.0,0.1889758652645344,0.09469661618944868,0.08985778000716826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315351956409987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804518346236668,0.0,0.17082174758747132,0.0,0.07866145103170652,0.2380299586327711,0.0,0.0,0.11380170255130058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250978491245658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153701685794678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976800397036906,0.0,0.2741466726886917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705392677280358,0.0,0.11163021022377667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202788126363022,0.10708290921557326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709096703284489,0.0,0.0,0.11186551896442153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424178508246063,0.1421795730223323,0.06856488766509901,0.0,0.16990103678342205,0.06239584396924905,0.2459744634062332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241850859187087,0.0,0.08829085213482481,0.18934408080285636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655593834207457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littlesizzleone626,2018/01/16,"Out of the ICU I overdosed on seroquel, had to be put in a coma for 24 hours. 
I still want to die. 
I feel like there's less to live for now than there was before. 
",0.3942342342342364,1.3467590540540542,2.2956756756756747,100.57072072072071,80.08108108108108,4.933333333333334,17.738738738738736,3.1291,-1.0282720720720722,123,2,33,0,3,41,31,37,0.106,0.79,0.104,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,10,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324415427891509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054661570598925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754051977870984,0.27910324502804795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847429988941531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086745427509205,0.0,0.3449792970858537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39274324133948013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31199908968559986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23043432137502415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mookymooks,2018/01/16,"If you want to die pls come here first ive been planning my suicide for a while. each time i break down the plan changes a little. today after crying my eyes out i filled out the application to get a permit to buy a gun. ive thought this method was too messy in the past but today i reached a new level of self hatred where it sounded pretty fitting. i feel like in not wired right. everything hurts. my life is good. i have loving parents. good supportive friends. a great sister whos a shinning role model. but i often end the day in tears. people say to stop and sount your blessings and its supposed to help but it only makes me more mad at myself. i have it so good and i still want to die. what is wrong with me. after i filling out the application for the gun i cried some more and then decided to call the suicide prevention hotline. i had a half assed conversation about antidepressants as i held back tears. i cant blame the guy. i was nervous and didnt know what to say so i asked him about them. i felt like i was talking to walmart customer service or something though. it didnt help. i felt even worse. here i am a 23 year old man crying to another grown man asking about drugs. i felt so stupid and ended the conversation with ""im sorry for wasting your time. thank you. goodbye."" and hung up before he had the chance to say anything else. i cried for a bit longer. i felt so stupid. i went online and looked for suicide chatrooms or something. just anything to talk to someone but not on the phone. i went through a bunch of articles about depression and suicide. but then i found one that got to me a bit. it talked about suicidal thoughts as the moment our pain begins to out weigh our methods for coping with pain. i dont know, im a very methodical/show me the facts type of guy and this way of looking at it just struck me in a way the other things hadnt and for while i stopped crying. i kept scrolling and eventually got to the comments section of the article and found a bunch of people saying how much they wanted to die and how bad they felt. i always feel like im not taken seriously. my situation is pretty good so when i have voiced how i feel to people in the past ive been dismissed and told to get over it because there are people who have it worse than me. i understand that this world is harsh and will kick you but i feel like dying when everything is ok. somethings just not right in my head or maybe somethings just not right in my life. but seeing those people talk about it really made me feel better because as cliche as it may sound i felt like i wasnt alone. i didnt feel so defective. there are people who understand what im feeling. that coupled with the perspective of the article really made me feel like i can change. something may be off with me or my life right now but i feel like we can get through it. im not gonna preach on the strength of the human spirit or anything like that but i just really believe in us. you and i just dont have the tools right now. i want you all to use this reddit to talk to each other and just relate and maybe share tips. the most potent help ive found has been in you all and your stories so i just want you to use this partially for you and partially for me. i think we can make it together. i feel so fucking corny.",1.7962831579893894,3.922776360534127,2.976406797949828,91.91213020411837,79.90504451038575,5.92461109612445,21.93318946137937,7.044298764256594,0.5500185954500489,2593,79,555,31,66,833,285,674,0.191,0.6559999999999999,0.154,-0.9919,1,1,9,2,0,6,54.0,5,11,3,5,40,35,4,1,38,1,41,12,3,10,3,119,102,58,9,6,29,2,16,8,1,4,6,7,0,6,31,35,1,5,27,0,1,6,14,13,0,3,34,27,86,22,81,63,14,70,3,2,4,3,56,32,2,11,37,368,117,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048960320806670336,0.0,0.0,0.03933472178772579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049569608790187285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167043563657693,0.0,0.0883872951805205,0.0,0.0,0.03634983310440932,0.03947077853627543,0.057634069292296225,0.0,0.04022563544919667,0.05326021039160978,0.0,0.04180891307306138,0.10321921689672836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048270771562410726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001662012316977,0.040721295397682884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052306407837482034,0.25963452578084883,0.030487018279598533,0.0,0.04071595739266124,0.0,0.1962466385402689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080664114908226,0.0,0.054821391437491394,0.0,0.03949032359197359,0.0,0.08373926498467682,0.0,0.0,0.031223210969850562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497141386126038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23902526947731775,0.1688583396195282,0.2723355675461898,0.0,0.0,0.04021018399976892,0.0,0.15549641820045432,0.03652281574210727,0.04370290323906897,0.07409419518957233,0.0,0.0,0.15860058704460314,0.0756166864077849,0.052118382834297115,0.0,0.09361492571713503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048515488133407364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505780012053956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060646540193275,0.0,0.2553134546635071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051959743265783065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100170441474788,0.1847606546491248,0.04737972274403562,0.0,0.0,0.07939442192690943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266550995282866,0.08946125368635735,0.06310986639286792,0.0,0.09498367906196573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034750916571141786,0.0,0.0,0.04565632447218089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049604807626830325,0.0,0.032033244404156135,0.035953062824760414,0.10060309546456092,0.0,0.052490803658865916,0.0,0.0902543935061742,0.1966378701612492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618677996326094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908524182277863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185338616541249,0.0,0.15037277893119344,0.0,0.0,0.03767026788338674,0.0,0.04931579663769296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313656089963758,0.0,0.0,0.04005405464101623,0.18196439411110896,0.0,0.05291798255896262,0.0,0.0,0.03775208578590357,0.07904428522585387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25854362411361786,0.05364456583004722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998026201862092,0.0,0.0435224044813315,0.0,0.0,0.03140592002446082,0.030290474682435724,0.04644524494249006,0.07505857923001374,0.05513025096085146,0.0,0.08961809468395587,0.045171146316775074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842521695823003,0.05686330760755269,0.08165697020795931,0.0,0.039004976342167916,0.13941348799018466,0.0750458302318403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764464096643196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634995851890182,0.0,0.051685340120833284,0.0,0.030442106400823638
suicidewatch,slasher_soul300x,2018/01/16,"It's the only way 
Gonna kill myself in a few weeks.I don't want to face exams.I'm going to fail anyway.Soon I will be kicked out and I can't let this happen.I'm gonna save my last bit of dignity and leave on my own this world.It's time for this to come to an end.",-1.0099479166666685,0.25928623437500065,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,85.09375,4.891666666666667,12.229166666666664,5.46131890053228,-1.4988770833333334,205,1,57,1,6,72,49,64,0.17600000000000002,0.727,0.097,-0.575,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,10,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,9,5,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491890163749397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27551902664901823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832886399556336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817758650239901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828387807398228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538622339532701,0.0,0.0,0.260717197019016,0.0,0.33867075493027066,0.0,0.3270642274865431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24325731236665535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650478742523255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865347056216653,0.2538788844708589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BathoryBathTub,2018/01/16,"I'm going to be waiting for a meeting with a counselor at my school, and I'm afraid of how it will go, if I even get a chance. I'm honestly concerned about what I might do if I can't fix my life tomorrow. Just as the title says, I'm going to be waiting to meet with a counselor about my ongoing academic probation and if I can't get any classes tomorrow, then I'm afraid I might kill myself.

This past semester I started off in 6 classes, most of them were known for being difficult. I withdrew from one of them, and bombed another due to a mental break down when my family learned of a life threatening diagnosis. This particular family member happens to be my main emotional support, but I refuse to unload this on them.

I had already been suffering from depression and anxiety, which did show in my grades the semesters before, but at the start of the semester I was doing fine. I was forcing myself to get some control over my life. This knocked me down, and I have only gotten worse.

I don't know why I'm writing this, especially right before bed; maybe so I can read it when I wake up I can say, ""Okay, you got it out of you last night, now go out there and get your shit together."" I'm hoping that's what happens, anyway.

Just in case I do take my life tomorrow, and my family somehow finds the one post I've made and not taken down out of sheer embarrassment, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry you wasted all that time and money on me and my education, because if I have killed myslef, that's all it amounted to being. A waste. I'm sorry for my lies. And to that emotional support-my mother, I'll just come out and say who it is-I'm sorry I won't be there to take care of you the way I always promised. But I feel like I can hardly take care of myself sometimes, and I would only make your final years miserable.

I'm sorry for the long winded post. The direction of my thoughts right now is just concerning me, and this is the only way I could think of to keep myself in check for the next 24 hours...",5.495191878388432,5.048436161369196,6.578469225045179,79.5709822472627,67.58190709046454,9.949229297331776,30.741043903476143,9.54385415503706,2.5605504624216007,1566,53,324,29,23,528,196,409,0.151,0.778,0.071,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,6,3,1,17,19,3,4,17,1,31,6,2,4,2,59,74,28,2,7,12,1,2,1,0,5,4,3,1,0,19,21,0,5,7,2,2,5,5,10,0,2,11,5,52,9,52,51,6,51,0,3,0,0,18,20,1,10,22,217,71,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092785021496956,0.0,0.06856144138543074,0.0,0.0,0.05603322414194673,0.08640111517523594,0.06303397289981902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022883961035999,0.0,0.14022865405914225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801978120424105,0.0,0.0,0.07097827518938364,0.0,0.0,0.09241596529186248,0.06578781478250532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096897090803188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853725204312204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442286741792452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330314995363832,0.0,0.041662725088905256,0.058864894058450114,0.0,0.0902625925425855,0.07530995477927076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219747471984473,0.0,0.18731392205296907,0.0,0.06590092388203449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572793071859105,0.0,0.07381210538143297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183945340145189,0.0811450825924964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732388128273373,0.18232157195198745,0.0,0.045283590812515366,0.0671650781497359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279957383163602,0.04025532728571567,0.0,0.0,0.07291932293052822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796664399947907,0.05500106787188678,0.0,0.08277950940804206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303744603640803,0.1748217603259337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763083024825999,0.0773246080716481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166955345218968,0.1880013660289096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865787564921954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782833421211867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241994298221407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073427724966545,0.0,0.1965777435320352,0.0,0.08339081574970028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457999851603958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149337781649495,0.4611870879666046,0.11664295447182475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700774220049776,0.0,0.0,0.18585832360057425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279708385085702,0.0,0.06541452623109846,0.04804672942921355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080683062735826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074351058487034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397023969219616,0.058532922910656635,0.0,0.0,0.05306138187306062
suicidewatch,coldglassofkraken,2018/01/16,"Contemplating my options I’m a 32 year old female. Currently I’m watching my husband sleep. My mind wanders if I can successfully leave the apartment without him hearing me leave. I’ve contemplated the last two hours about jumping from a bridge overlooking a railroad track in hopes of ending it all.

I suffer from anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, and agoraphobia. I see a psychiatrist and was recently put back on meds after being unable to afford them. I lost my job and was hospitalized for two weeks after a mental breakdown. I haven’t been able to keep a job since then due to panic attacks and am terrified to leave the apartment to go anywhere without my husband.

My credit has gone to crap and my credit card companies are closing my accounts due to delinquency. I’ve tried to contact them about my situation, but they have been unable to work with me. My husband works, but his paychecks go towards rent, utilities, and food.

I made two previous attempts to end it all this month (all failed obviously). I feel my husband would be better off without me and even begged him for a separation today after confessing everything. He refused saying he loves me and we’ll get through this. 

His solution is to blow up my psychiatrist’s phone in the morning to see what our options are. I know we can’t afford another appointment, therapy, more meds, or another hospitalization. I truly feel there’s no solution.

I just feel hopeless and just want a way out.",6.201380597014924,8.121423391791044,6.9397313432835865,69.17504477611944,66.94776119402985,10.136119402985075,36.16119402985075,10.355215969177356,4.3219725373134334,1191,61,189,32,20,393,163,268,0.127,0.774,0.1,-0.3612,6,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,3,0,3,7,7,14,2,1,12,0,17,4,2,1,4,40,36,14,0,4,9,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,5,13,1,2,5,0,4,5,6,8,0,3,7,8,36,6,34,25,4,34,1,5,3,1,24,10,1,5,18,130,41,8,0.10810686495908514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267189478415992,0.0827014557921985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298716570471308,0.0,0.08312750611500512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561173684511486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311228437871903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238998331826568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150118907245733,0.0,0.0,0.07140356472534964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715947945433262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398623751347782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072325022671252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056481374994817826,0.0,0.12287924535985745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184429377651312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737450974722383,0.10646348551507694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455876461795406,0.09609034878603573,0.0,0.0,0.059412705742747124,0.08812152377271283,0.0,0.3434086817779077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801141360448973,0.0,0.0975706663993832,0.1022933295389272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401647120427661,0.0,0.10894629287275624,0.0,0.10915711580568174,0.0,0.08628986821068843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134399692424667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684011310420384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943947446061046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867725860033978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674248703773054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597091810730216,0.0,0.0,0.1722943494588019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942711583967282,0.12151664571409435,0.10818493844406303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362962168741765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247266737728132,0.0,0.0,0.0733974649862293,0.0,0.31681409556950124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376422990515733,0.0858101974441557,0.08671680616460732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31263348005425684,0.0,0.15740617047352295,0.0,0.0,0.07679601512944981,0.0,0.0,0.06961727661085572
suicidewatch,alienshoes,2018/01/16,"I'm 19 it seems like the only way out from a life of awfulness. I got through school with decent GCSE's  after missing an entire year and barely completing a full week in the entire 5 years. I got diagnosed with aspergers. I did IT (my main skill) at college, hated it and dropped, came back for a few weeks, dropped out completely. I then did an apprenticeship at a car garage and within just 3 months had a mental breakdown crying to my mum on the phone in the back, left that. Went back to college which is where I am now, and I don't think all year there has been a week all year when I've been in all the time. Every single part time job I've had, even when the pay was good, I have left after a short time because of mental breakdowns. I cried and had to come home from my job at a supermarket because I was having a panic attack, I'm a 6""4 male.

My point is I am a unique human being who can't finish anything. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to succeed in life. I learn to hate every single thing I do, I wake up in the morning for college and get hit by a brick wall of extreme depression because I cannot stand a full day. The idea of a full day working to me seems like a lesser option than just killing myself. Times that by 5 or 6 and you've got what the rest of my life will be. Working away, slaving away... I don't enjoy anything other than being at home and gaming. I have such bad anxiety that I get afraid even talking to my parents who are the most supportive people but they're not me, they don't live like I live, they can put up with a full day of work I can't. Every single time this happens to me I will just take the time off or come home early, and this makes me happy again but only until the next morning. I wake up and the horror and torture of being somewhere I don't want to be all day makes me want to puke, cry, and this time, take my life.

I used to think suicide was crazy talk and there was better ways out, but at this point in my life I can talk about it calmly because I feel like it IS the only way out.

I haven't kept a good attendance MY ENTIRE LIFE, why will the future be any different? I would be gone in a second if there was some magic death pill with no pain.",4.830749336870029,4.185222353448278,5.6876724137931065,86.07072281167112,69.0,8.259151193633953,26.89787798408488,7.1686216300943375,1.139954509283819,1708,42,381,13,26,563,211,464,0.15,0.782,0.068,-0.9887,5,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,0,0,2,6,18,23,5,2,35,1,45,11,2,3,4,55,76,23,3,4,10,2,1,4,0,4,9,0,3,2,19,24,0,1,7,1,1,8,10,11,0,1,19,1,45,12,60,45,17,83,0,2,0,0,13,35,0,8,38,261,64,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047671127901757634,0.0,0.05362712266299372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537440659210987,0.0,0.0,0.07975008127780446,0.13172451584768335,0.16171017514973424,0.0585314609475077,0.1709318336818554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199869507373936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017694294368705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077172022897285,0.14699926533538546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310081838249008,0.18083754980391736,0.0,0.06037794435391496,0.07115110511112879,0.0,0.07324069241854901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260218426439247,0.0,0.17718951147221124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03544520464176108,0.05008021466826655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324982604012084,0.0,0.0,0.11759489438903993,0.1681986760176093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061990140051068926,0.07462388695635483,0.0,0.13842057675581393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095125092400416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913556937816107,0.0,0.0,0.13912897999641788,0.0,0.07755644181526067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233002393984632,0.0,0.2970867310300295,0.13699135719216132,0.0,0.12380104898050236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358601013612401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412907706545325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595400108476295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455327764683717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994505586481378,0.07459247539253107,0.08224849537254214,0.07783893650941201,0.07591262183144011,0.0,0.04859925175433473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253632972121712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047093212339907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709460200499138,0.0,0.12763475308329558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667918697942827,0.07954985754947068,0.0,0.0,0.1054145530221422,0.16903374140827612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046572032516228636,0.0898358634769284,0.0,0.0,0.2861354621778015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060544812391100836,0.0,0.0,0.0826948484976434,0.16692888680107906,0.16869253714773658,0.0,0.0,0.06498438934096996,0.06325530741881953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310323012521876,0.0,0.0,0.049797785104583665,0.0,0.0,0.18057114939570887
suicidewatch,duggawiz,2018/01/16,"So deeply depressed i can't even think anymore No interest in life anymore. Just depression and anxiety. I feel like my brain has shut down. Nothing makes me happy anymore, I just exist waiting to die. I can't even think straight thoughts, I'm just a catatonic loser and suck of it. ",2.0521428571428584,4.8631870185185235,2.933386243386245,87.77166666666668,86.22222222222223,6.048677248677249,29.936507936507937,7.447530270364453,2.2476063492063494,225,12,41,4,7,71,41,54,0.394,0.524,0.08199999999999999,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,11,11,3,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,6,3,4,10,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039313327344154,0.0,0.6237939545871244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405545433344516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611682743596709,0.0,0.2175991439515133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27696347938465626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601291193147562,0.14978470122531512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319226636845785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809257355125865,0.1024317170133875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995300000172553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011791998095136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686897022974697,0.0,0.16645057166995947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Asdfuck92,2018/01/16,Ive failed on killing myself today. Maybe tomorrow. Ive failed on killing myself today. Maybe tomorrow. Im so tired i havent been getting any sleep lately. My head hurts all the time. I just want to sleep. ,-0.2572560975609761,1.658650195121954,1.0867987804878076,96.39897865853659,108.02439024390243,4.001219512195123,17.320121951219512,5.985473137389443,-0.1244414634146338,162,5,33,2,8,51,28,41,0.4320000000000001,0.5429999999999999,0.025,-0.9717,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,1,3,6,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,7,0,3,5,1,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,16,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905557510180466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683402233640668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985873709721706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890347447397174,0.0,0.22087692496168707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452460686128347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306659348197255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108616794286298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092617126001711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923578724677635,0.23502333585951635,0.3876522919797928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060947812577805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChainsawUrsid,2018/01/16,"Meh. I’m currently without insurance and I’m on unemployment. I never thought I had an issue until i didn’t have a high stress job to hide behind. Sadly I can’t afford therapy now that I realize I need it. I  thought about starting talkspace but as with everything else, I’m unsure. I’ll likely be able to work as soon as I honestly try to. However, I’m just so sad. I don’t want to do anything. Strange, but tonight I just thought it would be easier just being gone. ",0.9395738636363618,3.28716721875,3.424053030303032,86.0580681818182,85.14583333333334,7.240909090909091,26.43560606060606,8.296473431620573,2.140345833333333,367,17,75,9,11,127,64,96,0.196,0.7020000000000001,0.102,-0.7088,6,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,2,0,10,0,0,0,1,16,21,8,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,6,0,10,2,13,11,0,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,48,13,3,0.2274930836091181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720742414336025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004128008051527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445611470916464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24035893307003345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23744367472925354,0.2257517827233938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114162953190586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868323894176535,0.175456690583097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610207754790092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605925586553473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601581673258556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.541812291484836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445287073239058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418131485521287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929521448956985,0.0,0.16561767429698707,0.0,0.0,0.16160455950048178,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicide56412213,2018/01/16,I'm done... I'm done guys. I just want to quit life. I just haven't decided how to do it yet. I am trying to get my things in order. I also don't know how to say goodbye to the people I care about.,-2.7820567375886505,-1.1877312978723396,1.0224468085106402,101.6841666666667,96.02127659574468,3.9843971631205686,12.088652482269502,5.46131890053228,-1.4542028368794329,147,2,41,1,6,54,31,47,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,7,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366757903881295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017467186861931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6057311868667732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462471915613435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930428266505732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264959804220774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904237290325425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517852560076552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31478548181258315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23535597476435866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661991946323346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093459855234028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456243128282106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheLittleJess,2018/01/16,"I fucking hate myself. I do nothing but fucking hurt everyone around me, im such a toxic pest, i'm so hurt inside that i've been trying to slice my wirsts but im such a wimp that i can't cut deep enough, so i have 2 cuts half way across my wrists.

I can't hurt anymore people if i bleed to death and die, i really don't want to be here anymore, im really sorry to the people i hurt, im a bad person who deserves to die.

if i can't kill myself tonight, i'll try again tommorow",-0.8374999999999986,1.0012113611111104,2.123703703703704,95.86666666666667,88.16666666666669,4.711111111111111,17.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.4465888888888885,369,9,89,3,12,130,63,108,0.265,0.55,0.185,-0.8741,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,6,0,4,0,8,4,1,0,0,7,13,7,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,1,0,14,0,7,11,1,6,0,4,0,2,2,3,2,2,2,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485998896742795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157589250038956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046505870750483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26015861222333386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950591710127285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976421941003568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317428057138175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374366183815134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367004665730748,0.0,0.541538908722341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866606156811553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202635738362698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378483793734048,0.10943883513271102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058730462228904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030374233771514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019026013165162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392660548078334,0.09948613230517724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shortpoppy,2018/01/16,"Found friend's diary entry about me. Firstly, I thought it was a sketch book, as she's a talented artist.  She's been my friend since we were around 9, and we live together now.

I know everyone complains about everyone else at some point, but my brain isn't listening.  My arms are throbbing for my craft knife, and it's terrifying me.  

My sense of humor is bullying people.  I didn't realize that it was still bullying people.  I want to undo everything I ever said and I'm so overcome with guilt and embarrassment, I reached out and apologized to the people she mentioned on messenger, but I want to delete my facebook now.  I don't want to exist.  I want to die.  She said that no one is attracted to me because I seem aggressive and insane.  I'm so sorry.  I can't tell her I read something so personal, but I also don't want to see her.  

I'm just going to take the sleeping pills I have left and hope i don't wake up again.  No one needs another insane, angry person on this planet.  I can't believe I've been so blind.  

",2.4920280474649377,4.3341006407767,4.282071197411007,84.74607335490833,76.5728155339806,7.8787486515641865,25.522114347357068,8.680891452615391,1.8896761596548,796,29,162,17,18,269,118,206,0.244,0.6409999999999999,0.115,-0.9893,0,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,2,0,0,1,14,10,1,2,4,0,16,7,4,0,1,31,36,16,1,8,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,6,12,0,0,5,3,0,1,9,4,0,3,10,5,33,6,20,26,1,15,0,0,2,0,19,8,0,3,6,106,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098147762982366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455218313414462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354268996488482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459836092891491,0.0,0.0,0.1563563550929629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492320718447006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403064161682513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593200651823422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553350716479528,0.0,0.26521847140785937,0.12472557337602334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180453055215807,0.0,0.15216395755272344,0.21444054783784253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887127648066994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783881273763554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626928253632842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507837372125649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225443570040233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290283431172613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880804187594768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886355538740009,0.24235285554845926,0.0,0.0,0.13119096678993156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388165073738195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26402112647922776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058885682790537,0.12633914556267656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479938304640508,0.0,0.13887917631781674,0.0,0.0,0.1068388172360446,0.0,0.15535167456071128,0.0,0.0,0.11082905019035777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434450051388022,0.0,0.12129892081930282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017498598456628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092771071061288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jehsun,2018/01/16,"Losing hope, but is hope really something worth teying for. I'm surrounded by people who care but I've never been so lonely. As much as I love my family and friends I'm never going to have the kind of love I need again. Fucked up and broke up with my now ex. Tried to get back and she won't even consider the thought of us together again after 2 years. Which doesn't seem like much yes, but we had plans for marriage and I just got caught up in feeling controlled and let my negative thoughts get to me.she's the inky one I'd ever really want and I don't want to go through a life feeling this way for years to come. Even if I did somehow move on its only a matter of time before my thoughts get to me and I fuck it all up like I do with everything else. As far as I'm concerned my only reasons not to end my life is friends and family but as selfish as it is its not enough. All I want is to have that kind of love again. The kind that is indescribable. It was only with her that I ever had any confidence or true happiness. The rest of my life since I was even a child was just putting on a happy face to keep others happy. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was around 10 years old or so now 20 about to hit 21. Past couple months have been especially bad. With loss of gf, car refusing to work and phone being stuck at repair for the last 5 months, being stuck at shit job. I've had the added stress of it all building up on top of everything else. I've gone from the occasional ""this day was kinda okay not bad"" to everyday becoming ""itd just be easier to be dead, how can I do it the easiest""",2.7347041420118363,3.738402801775148,4.205876923076925,88.98912307692308,74.23668639053255,7.893207100591716,23.579171597633128,8.364918446050245,1.1448635266272191,1249,34,284,21,25,416,175,338,0.183,0.614,0.203,0.5831,1,2,1,0,0,2,26.0,2,0,0,6,20,29,3,1,13,2,32,10,2,3,8,58,67,25,2,7,13,1,2,2,3,1,3,0,0,1,16,16,0,3,8,0,1,8,9,11,0,1,21,2,24,18,52,38,7,47,0,4,0,5,16,15,3,8,25,184,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936204984376595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770903689698128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671227211661919,0.14577156677957628,0.0,0.09640796212229123,0.0742796838773323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900075606320701,0.0,0.0,0.07519495752989422,0.0,0.0,0.09790621942649268,0.0,0.0965877454896632,0.0,0.0562965893486278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458437496322478,0.0,0.07731544898821698,0.09019672498129536,0.0,0.17296807480430273,0.15792254390525706,0.0,0.0,0.1569061542407639,0.0,0.1645836341144454,0.0,0.08827565435426281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488429342825764,0.16140144466926076,0.1368205457631049,0.0,0.09922094032257954,0.0,0.0698159705806935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787742030879469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340275475480654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662456510657854,0.0775897893460677,0.0,0.2727058362062123,0.0,0.07115522581361383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892627307613418,0.18497231040631484,0.0852936371734808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765823633421736,0.0,0.0,0.23635529107530195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393524486434216,0.09277835734584293,0.1283404012653583,0.06472645326572342,0.13465106971423524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159903599211937,0.0,0.059151813049942985,0.1991701643409393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333078823137469,0.06051778785171516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877533041355127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184391628358842,0.08975146509698857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946802297127945,0.0,0.0,0.08960473298798036,0.14441889674637046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720220834583937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999352736535796,0.0,0.0,0.09548407851462737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772027079362628,0.0509010928941313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059266033673139484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500240620544056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446254161815592,0.06928890598848661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635501471433244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864096848407534
suicidewatch,MisterPixelStix17653,2018/01/16,"I cant suicide because I’m scared of what’s on the other side. Hi. Im a teenager. I fucking hate myself. I hate myself because even though I exercise, I’m a whale of a lard bucket. I hate myself because I cant wake up to go to aikido (a martial art which I love doing but hate doing because I cant wake up) I can’t sleep untill 4 AM for some unknown reason. I hate myself because I’m always depressed, leading into more self hate and more depression. I hate myself because I have no friends. I hate myself cause i have a very bad skin reaction to water so I can’t shower so I stink like a pig. I hate myself cause I have brain problems. I hate myself because I’ll never have a future. I hate myself cause I waste my parents time effort and money. I hate myself cause I play video games too much to escape these pains. I hate myself because I’m afraid of stupid bullshit like the dark, silence, and being alone. I hate myself because I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I hate myself cause I had to write this post because I don’t know where else to go. I’ve put my head in a noose before. I couldn’t bring myself to do it because im scared of what’s on the other side. Why should I carry on like this? Please. Somebody help me.",1.103969465648852,2.9653588320610718,3.134604580152672,91.25505190839695,80.90839694656489,4.650015267175573,20.785343511450375,5.108053359733372,-0.08572109923664106,962,27,202,3,25,325,119,262,0.395,0.506,0.099,-0.9988,2,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,2,6,33,17,4,11,0,20,11,6,7,1,21,47,9,1,3,1,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,10,5,1,0,3,5,1,5,10,27,0,0,1,2,48,6,21,43,4,20,0,2,0,2,8,10,1,1,7,127,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650233829715925,0.0,0.0,0.04539397864754044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045550994049145324,0.3658172158225257,0.0,0.04642213173691175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090121894929769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802141281296574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939759691435454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557354989295719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03603294259260079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042148916849911865,0.050435049907709605,0.0,0.0,0.0620095202656168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8079238198587739,0.05598898205732615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656694435890168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785712960645912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996380218646031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995818481928121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923785296453995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04010406819008227,0.0,0.042076038631996986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805017246645165,0.0,0.06057666896289904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988480736436817,0.0,0.0,0.052248435041829744,0.0,0.0,0.052201592779520516,0.0,0.05484265996144352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056091438719554174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385666914096758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691257285710453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545942165679444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967411599252016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359983143079138,0.0,0.031811352937182284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045013438070806315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049227237543166005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KissMySlitWrist,2018/01/16,Are there any online suicide chats that don't track your location? I'm desperate to talk to someone but not if it means someone might try to  intervene.,5.796896551724139,7.097372310344831,5.933965517241383,78.34508620689657,67.27586206896552,9.937931034482759,35.1896551724138,10.125756701596842,3.753882758620689,123,6,22,3,2,39,26,29,0.15,0.85,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411908116766746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863444898649397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376253579170646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6010290792859265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38795631990058105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850739157044647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408006934413975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dantherandom,2018/01/16,"done No one cares about me.
I don’t care about me.
School is hell.
Being culturally different in a white community is hell.
Leaving countries is hard.
Life is hard and I don’t want to live anymore.
No one cares about me anyways.",0.5196190476190488,2.9854708666666703,2.126031746031749,91.27000000000002,95.88888888888887,5.238095238095238,21.984126984126984,6.868970318607317,0.8187460317460319,179,7,37,3,7,58,30,45,0.28800000000000003,0.527,0.185,-0.7096,1,4,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,2,12,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,3,5,3,5,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,25,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490170271900905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6628003274899268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263985634619791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217526621743121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882295863728526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294471049389329,0.0,0.0,0.1530570117689105,0.0,0.0,0.19134431092006826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29367421727879656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930536826243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781142755028707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wrinklestiltskin,2018/01/16,"What's the best way to handle/things to talk about to someone who just tried to commit suicide? I had to talk someone down from shooting themselves and the police put them in the psych ward involuntary hold.

I want to visit once they're processed but I wanted to hear from anyone's personal experience (being on either side) what the best thing is for this person to hear?

I don't want to go into any personal details but this is someone I know very well and I know what's been going on in their life. I just hoped that someone could provide guidance on how to approach this.

The person is intoxicated to some degree as well, if that should influence any suggestions.",4.693125000000002,6.5095658125,5.166062500000002,80.82268750000003,70.5625,7.307500000000001,27.64375,7.908726449838941,1.7960975000000006,536,19,96,7,10,171,80,128,0.021,0.807,0.172,0.9571,0,0,0,1,0,2,10.0,0,0,2,2,6,5,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,2,1,22,19,7,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,4,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,2,2,9,5,23,14,4,14,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,3,0,70,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241027986186512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377873331624484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814980616400503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708266291778316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311935719520692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524452031224782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023224639715024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320987527759864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474159768557293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473182220154036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283176397470285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684282027621581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348260783471181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545524839670648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670380765190671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559864732607506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910233362349214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091057618605428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066176097721024,0.2373195966016808,0.10645697685597713,0.0,0.0,0.24117717334130406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uccidimiora,2018/01/16,General thoughts. I’m in constant pain everyday. My joints and muscles always ache. I’ve always had migraines but they’re getting worse and have more symptoms like light headedness and dizziness. I’ve been eating less and less each day I have no appetite at all I look sickly all the time. My memory has gotten worse. I can’t remember my childhood at all. I can’t remember things i’ve read over and over again. My grades are slipping. Not that it matter because my attendance is poor too. During the summer I got my life on track in a way. Went to the psychiatrist but shortly after overdosed on pills. I wish I died I got scared because my heart started beating really fast. I’m scared to go back because I don’t want to talk about it and what if she knows about it? I only talked to her once she was really nice. She said I had bipolar disorder and some type of anxiety and she wanted to follow up. I had an appointment but I didn’t go. I have friends but I always say no to hang out with them. I’m a terrible friend. At home things aren’t good. I could write a book detailing everything but my mom is a horrible person. Nobody does anything about it. My dad is growing older and it scares me if he dies I don’t know how i’ll live.,1.105666666666668,3.580141300000001,2.764,90.08866666666668,86.0,6.053333333333334,22.333333333333336,7.42949916751922,1.0600933333333329,975,35,198,17,30,320,149,250,0.209,0.6920000000000001,0.099,-0.9836,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,0,3,8,0,20,9,1,1,3,37,40,17,2,6,8,2,0,1,2,0,7,2,1,1,9,12,1,0,5,2,1,8,9,5,0,0,12,4,33,5,23,27,8,33,0,0,1,0,17,12,0,3,13,124,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29112794143277976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921900512316003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597372804719076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967863168679298,0.0,0.21328341967193168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603188741220314,0.0,0.09311682437422084,0.0,0.0,0.0752144879364796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420799287698676,0.0,0.13366415071649698,0.0,0.10206069538817103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933809468335788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481643898724924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802107939089128,0.0,0.0609325680757985,0.0,0.1325631322480946,0.09782083173551642,0.18655384057091834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820304434257896,0.0,0.0,0.11698595662248967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818982319638905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082376793873379,0.05697784997697743,0.0,0.1029833960387557,0.0,0.09793694377520376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659162661896293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420348839572833,0.0,0.08869976018356772,0.12409889089178855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183382048041148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665812857564345,0.0,0.14942793141491867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642303325857142,0.0,0.11093857316463802,0.09274612773843967,0.35029062002130146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254888494131497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121965942835684,0.0,0.1874800348754469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496301876097787,0.0,0.0,0.09258846749541016,0.06800588955274932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757874272194484,0.09257274097600236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811399675445056,0.0,0.0,0.13411479723896774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23770487248829375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Parfs918,2018/01/16,"I don't know what the fuck to do Long story short, been socially isolated my whole life and had a few toxic friends cause I had no one else. 

I seriously just wanna end it I'm so sick of this. Just living it's so painful. My parents don't give a shit and well I ain't exactly going to see a therapist so I resort to crying endlessly every night before sleeping. Then waking up angrily.

I might end my life soon but I don't know what the fuck to do. Isolation is fucking me up so much. ",-0.13749066467513416,2.1004473495145675,2.736893203883497,89.55230022404783,90.06796116504854,6.2760268857356225,20.54443614637789,7.61054688173877,0.986340403286034,379,13,82,8,13,133,68,103,0.233,0.713,0.054000000000000006,-0.949,1,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,4,0,5,0,11,10,3,1,1,11,20,8,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,3,1,11,2,8,16,3,10,0,0,1,3,4,3,4,1,6,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522232734416726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531873836525666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746617509828328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256770926201015,0.0,0.30231494954314164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379161566157594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185443173246206,0.4733278106761111,0.0,0.16371627199010091,0.09699217284444388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758472702792645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410897839916647,0.0,0.0,0.15069926576576315,0.15103209619149627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810473264203816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545753287546846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015641910681552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564621050253608,0.0,0.1815983203030139,0.0,0.18950195780334084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599695598625802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518394244995172,0.0,0.0,0.17078705550319076,0.17397025612606085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981538305237583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344725582516508,0.0,0.0,0.19054004257194487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,New_user1234567,2018/01/16,"I've never been so depressed, anxious and suicidal in my life. But I'm going to try to commit myself tomorrow if I can make it through the night.",4.125,4.766139499999999,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,70.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.6866666666666674,115,5,22,2,2,40,27,30,0.304,0.635,0.061,-0.8696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,6,5,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459157567438555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399675715032534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243257101459906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787989763339534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634754208106287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044286492081273,0.0,0.0,0.3704134199384868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317542980502252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679856701224532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kubburi,2018/01/16,"bleeds out look very tempting i ended my long term relationship with gf because i feel unloved.
my friends avoid me. and when i try to ask nobody says anything.
is it true that they said that bleed out feel very calming and peaceful?",2.8804545454545485,5.6927388636363645,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,80.81818181818181,4.42909090909091,26.981818181818184,5.6839178017228535,0.7188599999999998,186,8,36,1,5,54,36,44,0.097,0.667,0.236,0.8051,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,7,3,4,5,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,4,18,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24069254353068836,0.0,0.2734366165319581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829785233349987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25905738196330064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957812469225621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259753540900953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588425050823692,0.2456160928883058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140224441414243,0.0,0.0,0.2782228834283955,0.2325980436751471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985800215045276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826661450439764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrenDUHHHH,2018/01/16,"I need to get out of this house. I do not know what to do. I am depressed. I haven't been diagnosed but I know I am. Ever since my father died  my mom has been more cruel and cold to me. All she cares about is school and if the house is clean. She never takes the time to think about or care about my feelings. We argue every single day and it is to the point that we give up. My mom is very controlling I am 20 years old and I still have a bedtime. She still monitors everything that I do. I just want to get the hell out of this house because I sacrifice a lot to try to make her happy but it is never enough. She does not care if I leave or stay in this house. To her I am just a torn on her side. (she told me that) I tried to talk to my aunt the one that seems to actually care and she tells me everytime that she is like that and she will not change. tbh i dont know why i am writing here i guess just to vent. (sorry if some of my grammar is terrible.) 

Edit: I am blessed that I have a place to live and food on the table but I am a human and I need a mother that cares about my feelings and not call me a baby every time I cry. ",-0.2601190476190496,1.40010636904762,2.014215873015875,98.57522857142858,84.51587301587301,5.301841269841269,16.42920634920635,6.360717304075467,-0.6195843174603173,863,16,221,8,25,292,119,252,0.106,0.745,0.15,0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,0,1,11,13,3,0,13,0,25,2,0,2,4,48,47,17,1,6,15,5,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,14,13,1,1,7,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,3,46,8,27,43,6,20,3,1,0,0,26,9,1,9,11,162,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.09438508707834453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589598136143613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876226784915114,0.0,0.4930640972484542,0.0,0.10231728130966272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848007102827123,0.0,0.0,0.10624273757423618,0.062376609442811724,0.0,0.08330507592051857,0.09816909595940976,0.10038042925702108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846406099456015,0.0,0.1133555029100916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993795276544752,0.0,0.0,0.08748907311587971,0.16298209402415167,0.0,0.08692599334606288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780940690501544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695460333053692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106475774777482,0.09278295091131802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654834453799332,0.0,0.0,0.10296058660003464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464090857591873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946488679449158,0.0,0.0,0.10241286098161048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472526662403997,0.0,0.08540582074066476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222816326486329,0.0,0.0,0.06456156931900181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265553560363227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434337938652707,0.14919335760482244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014917130776014,0.0,0.06554019671780421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105215584410596,0.0,0.09143197178869314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788613457711202,0.0,0.08805055314052898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000805397573946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827048746813037,0.0,0.103090999534366,0.15448195616392307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272164891174937,0.07774013514275761,0.08453782892009744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061974480146785624,0.0,0.0,0.11279680095742416,0.0,0.0,0.09242041730827756,0.0,0.13133350628972193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980439914813336,0.057048154802617775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727505123414861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228471948834021
suicidewatch,GloriousCoral,2018/01/16,"I am dissociated. I feel completely disconnected from my own life. I’m just here, but it’s like I’m watching myself live; I’m not really in control of what I do. 
I really feel like I’m in “the wrong timeline,” like everything that’s happening isn’t right and isn’t real. 
I’m planning on semi-attempting and going to a hospital next week, is that weird? Is that absolutely crazy, to plan to fail? I just feel like I need to do something extreme to get noticed, to take control, to feel right. ",1.8842424242424232,4.136061515151518,4.361909090909092,81.42286363636366,80.31313131313131,8.000404040404039,26.061616161616165,8.841846274778883,2.2876537373737382,386,16,77,10,10,135,59,99,0.146,0.727,0.128,-0.4309,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,5,3,7,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,2,0,14,21,3,0,1,4,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,5,8,4,12,21,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,6,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718518456687397,0.0,0.4004728866548729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045114623665652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610802901764731,0.255083566695121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327449477742984,0.0,0.10146264614330064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787338501742154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610093538755238,0.3488827297412159,0.0,0.1576451565939194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237764533292715,0.0,0.0,0.18986855484684284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203257453904936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032060908411275,0.22874162781100416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049270874543548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744102531732585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423225291952767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320590255563326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519439983803846,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StrawberrySyringe,2018/01/16,"What is your experience with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline? I've had the number saved in my phone for over a year now, ""just in case"", but I've never had the courage to actually call. So, is it actually worth a shot, or will it just make everything worse? Or do you possibly have a better alternative? ",5.5833050847457635,6.7092676271186455,6.962500000000002,71.41629237288137,67.64406779661017,11.323728813559322,33.39406779661017,11.20814326018867,4.083572881355932,246,11,46,8,4,84,46,59,0.162,0.7,0.138,-0.5621,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,8,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,6,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.5551524203113463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515675101853021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904490196972723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556398319258784,0.2782407099753812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986850876554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938066736100026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32066775331771113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111354541979484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28987262989473417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317254262669808
suicidewatch,crunchylaugh,2018/01/16,"I want to escape While I fish and strive for little reasons to live, even if it’s having to get up in the morning and text my online friends or say hello to my online farm, I see no other reasons. Yes, life could get better, but that’s what I’ve been told for five continues years.

I accomplish nothing. All I do is sit on my ass all day talking to people I don’t know, and that I don’t matter to. I can never shake off the feeling that I annoy my online friends, it’s a nonstop slap in the face. If their tone changes whilst texting, I’m off. I run. I escape into my hallow lifeless brain and comfort myself by considering suicide. 

And that thought about suicide? I’ve gotten increasingly more comfortable with it over these past few years. I search for reasons to kill my self, and I come up with so many. I won’t annoy anyone. My parents won’t have to pay for anything else for me. I could go to heaven and stay young forever there. 

But sometimes I just want to swallow a handful of pills to see what happens. If I die, then oh well, but if I don’t, what will happen? What will happen if I swallow all my pills? Will people care? 

I’m a pathetic waste of air.

Sometimes I just want to run away from everything. I can run forever and everyone will wonder where I am. Maybe they’ll finally start to care once they realize that I’m gone. Maybe they’ll realize that I’m not just some girl. But that’s such a low chance. 

Maybe. ",2.3789726027397258,4.098072760273976,3.7556109589041116,88.94007397260276,76.53424657534245,6.452821917808219,24.693698630136986,7.24861992348623,1.0179644931506842,1114,38,233,13,25,366,155,292,0.16,0.67,0.171,-0.8845,1,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,4,2,10,14,3,1,7,1,21,9,4,3,4,46,47,21,4,10,14,1,2,0,2,8,3,1,0,2,16,12,2,0,9,0,1,8,8,5,1,1,5,5,36,9,35,32,7,36,1,1,2,1,13,14,1,8,12,152,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674904023991204,0.0,0.09032583022775907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103126218428631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707670480805157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253212575152254,0.0,0.0,0.2238219665904448,0.0,0.1161150002946613,0.09455134999119154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527410137987495,0.0,0.0,0.0707882376380934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139169593206977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169313919769276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249761382657627,0.0,0.0,0.10488352158717797,0.0986481620093497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549961436731392,0.0,0.0,0.12024031234676764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960568175305554,0.0,0.11469357107081865,0.0,0.06238100374726381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911899284133323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214368108733291,0.0,0.06032303028423629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752905351822201,0.0,0.1100116463365711,0.09692299065741047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128274186562748,0.3308159156553977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465621125045203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532083125279908,0.0,0.0,0.11689431508810065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187913718360632,0.0,0.104781474475522,0.1521920811667556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33856481075478506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728816894833097,0.0,0.0,0.17493425236696733,0.0,0.11450704361065735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711738887237195,0.0,0.07769101730667101,0.11699305618844046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401264346118887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822356985511333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713978675421064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488352158717797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422368617285385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869037428400394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190335992223724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136791222693526
suicidewatch,chimpthief,2018/01/16,"I don't want to die, but I feel like it's just so much easier. I don't know what to do. I've struggled my entire life with autism and anxiety and I just don't know what to fucking do with myself. I've been bullied relentlessly as a child and throughout middle school, and I finally transferred to an online school in my freshman year in highschool. I decided to leave and work on myself and to get better. I wanted to get away from all of the people that were mean to me. I didn't tell anyone I was planning to leave, so any friends I burned those bridges. 

I thought I was improving for the past 4 years but it's just the same fucking thing in the end. I keep messing up any friendships I have by saying something stupid. I just can't make friends to save my life, I try my best to be nice and friendly, and it works!! For like 6 months, and then I say something weird and they get weirded out by me and just don't want me around. What do I do?!?! I want to learn to take care of myself but I've been struggling on learning how to do my hair so I feel pretty.. But I never understand the instructions on how to.. I want to have a pretty face and nice clothes but I look so fucking ugly in everything.. I'm 4'10"", not chubby or anything, but because I'm so short I just look so bad.. I cry when I go shopping for clothes because everyone is so lovely looking and I just wish I looked half as good.. I want to wear cute, dainty clothes and feel good and confident but I just look SO bad.. I want to learn how to wear makeup so I can feel a bit better, but my mom is a very narcissistic person (/r/raisedbynarcissists) so she won't take the time to teach me. 

I am autistic, I am very slow and struggle to understand basic things. My mom is extremely impatient, so I want to learn how to cook or something, and she gets angry because I don't do it right. I hate when she yells at me. It's so loud. I want to learn how to wear make-up, so I can start looking more like an adult when I start college. She gets angry at me because I don't hold things correctly or I don't like the smell of her perfume. I don't understand anything. I'm so lost. I don't have anyone to talk to. My mom won't take me to therapy. I don't have any money and I can't get a job because I feel like it would be too much for me. I want to learn and grow and learn to love life. I want to love my dog and feel happy because I know he's happy too. I don't want to die, but I've had suicidal thoughts for such a long time. 

I struggle with social interactions because I am afraid of making a complete fucking fool of myself like I always do. I try to explain to people that I'm not lying and I genuinely don't understand something. I'm not lying when I say that something is too loud, even when it isn't for you. My ears are sensitive, I'm sorry. I'm not lying when I ask on how to do something extremely simple. I just want to know what is the best way to go at it, before I try to do it myself and hurt myself for doing it wrong. I promise I'm trying. I'm so fucking lost in life I don't know what to do. There's so many thoughts going through my head and all I want is just to live and be happy. I really really do. I'm doing my best to be better but I don't have access to therapy. I want to get a haircut so it's easier for me to take care of my hair, but my mom won't let me because she likes my hair long, but I can't take care of it by myself. I want to be independant. IDK wtf to do, I just feel like I'm a lost cause. I feel like I should just kill myself most of the time. I don't want to die, but I feel like it's a better idea than just hating myself for the rest of my life. I hate seeing my stupid face in the mirror. I hate my name. I hate my body. I hate that I was born. I just want to understand. I want to be on the same page as people around me. I hate existing because I feel like this was just a cruel joke to see how long I could last feeling like I was on another planet. I don't know what to do. I want to be happy so bad. I want to get help but I'm so tired and lost. 

My only family member I got along with was my dad, but he died 2 years ago. He wasn't that great but he was better than my mom. My brother is like my mom, he doesn't care about anyone else but himself and is very rude and loud. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my dog alone with my mom or my brother. He is the only thing keeping me here. He is so special and I love him so much. He was recently diagnosed with a heart murmur and I'm scared because I don't want him to get hurt. The doctor said he needs a ultrasound, but my mom has been putting it off. I understand that money is tight but I feel like it's very, very important that he gets it soon. I don't want anything to happy to him. I'm very tired and sad. I'm sorry for rambling but I just needed to say something. I don't want to die but I don't know what to do anymore. I don't expect any response but I just wanted to let this out because I'm tired of this being stuck in my brain.",0.4692371705963971,2.1046866960873523,2.701198441654814,94.70058994496323,81.94813466787987,5.6874334125462696,20.224043040009896,6.644369507269372,0.07662378154898075,3865,105,927,39,103,1316,314,1099,0.185,0.614,0.201,0.9922,1,1,7,0,0,7,116.0,0,1,1,15,62,86,17,6,29,0,99,33,13,11,4,186,235,95,7,33,47,11,16,14,3,5,10,10,0,3,39,42,1,4,40,3,3,5,38,38,0,1,25,36,162,48,123,194,15,61,0,7,8,9,56,26,5,5,43,588,201,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026638868384316425,0.0,0.0,0.031124322298862875,0.0,0.0,0.025005280567738587,0.0,0.0,0.08174428439493688,0.03151164973584368,0.02298933840667684,0.0,0.029803042946970462,0.06303818610611124,0.030791344093565782,0.07418954658309107,0.05350446648053697,0.02809412414990196,0.0,0.028234401930422412,0.0,0.07527531758223517,0.201510473210016,0.0,0.025571638865299045,0.0,0.09461168097853356,0.13289068208820015,0.03280848778356368,0.03338047550436278,0.0,0.03354744642606863,0.0,0.0,0.12255815178456525,0.03087119966870752,0.0,0.0,0.031508457740359784,0.0,0.0,0.023993701610312647,0.0,0.033010194897312085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030501670650652436,0.1559437195099939,0.0,0.0,0.030759014630113064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025104197417667257,0.0,0.02661673605800677,0.0,0.0,0.019848752324731947,0.0,0.0,0.028715525008995813,0.027008377678436515,0.0,0.028329908226746355,0.0,0.18233947986152169,0.17175055387146956,0.0,0.03291998251043828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965321323616361,0.13891077748243474,0.15700684238169982,0.0,0.051236931581342016,0.050411595621045836,0.024034954021454228,0.033131918220788786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599520639250225,0.0,0.20768765192187946,0.03084153993012857,0.0,0.0,0.035611208069834845,0.020142907285100133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434156940251984,0.033924519797050724,0.0,0.0,0.029821506771988245,0.05342236178788455,0.03324756574603877,0.0,0.1321242809953217,0.024496008099461036,0.0,0.0954606943923695,0.0,0.06145945152187233,0.10613142281725417,0.2055432362416916,0.0,0.026536051803487348,0.07978397588392258,0.15141430056449146,0.0,0.13121918095472498,0.0,0.10849071745757544,0.0,0.06017888944006429,0.03046753492593165,0.0,0.03273492637882136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815679124443988,0.02398684475818133,0.0,0.06627399757930642,0.044565657836565895,0.023177592767121308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571108589781357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028687586050210788,0.06250184175903982,0.0262398370956643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114642002220035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030210088215990343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850355961675612,0.0,0.029672260704172414,0.0,0.0,0.025663842657146937,0.028585887023903737,0.09559273222312067,0.0300868243383715,0.060827506028394415,0.04789435769086284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030633750638192656,0.0,0.1619459533411352,0.0,0.06728045557848407,0.042541255607816485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566553732598726,0.0,0.032871496561484866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297505404326495,0.024154281704315914,0.02626636203625804,0.0,0.06873308777545338,0.0,0.07985960556046498,0.0,0.0,0.07157267475251326,0.05256986691626098,0.10361943988158233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161206569327717,0.0,0.0,0.18770821705029125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877395837256366,0.460854450296101,0.023853505949692662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455777672944616,0.0,0.0,0.04375574390621843,0.0,0.0,0.02134774488772349,0.03285663078882437,0.0,0.058056600659350185
suicidewatch,LurkerExtraordinare,2018/01/16,"It's been 3 months since I last considered. I think things might be looking up for a change. I honestly didn't think I'd live this long, Halloween at most. 

But, here I am. Still living. 

It's been a while since I was able to think even somewhat clearly, and it feels strange. The difference between now and then is so big that it's kind of like I'm an entirely different person.

 But even so, I'm absolutely terrified for the future, since I don't want to get bad again.",1.9583333333333317,3.964817333333337,3.197083333333336,91.13958333333336,78.79166666666666,7.183333333333334,24.20833333333333,8.167268648758528,1.3166958333333327,368,13,81,7,9,119,68,96,0.122,0.794,0.084,-0.5369,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,1,13,18,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,6,3,8,12,2,12,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,10,51,13,0,0.1830123780460901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280769123634733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360282939742773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824179657181944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417558993371949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253655724679123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561641397173727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905792290315028,0.0,0.149179514444276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941060360103359,0.0,0.3232065655137905,0.16196019550711024,0.15368430471349248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414721190061576,0.0,0.0,0.14607873411645592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979934939334986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541691909523726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461539215143338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158529190602785,0.3518008264079812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079454422587967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TyrionTorreto,2018/01/16,I don't want to kill myself but I cannot imagine a future where it's no inevitable Short story is I am 24 years old and have spent my whole life alone. I've always wanted to find someone who saw me as worth it but no one ever did. I always though maybe next year but the older I get the more pathetic and a waste I feel like. Who wants a 24 year old male who hasn't even been on a date or even kissed as girl. I've been working on self improvement but whenever I look at the forever alone subreddit there is guys there who have had similar stories and are in their 40s and I cannot make it that lol. I don't want to kill myself and it scares the shit out of me that I'm going to have to.,1.1180617408906883,2.518966059210527,2.8660526315789485,95.33967611336037,79.19736842105263,6.2558704453441285,18.92914979757085,7.010146845296331,-0.03583562753036462,539,11,131,6,13,179,93,152,0.153,0.6709999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.7874,0,2,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,3,1,8,1,16,3,1,1,1,20,28,13,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,10,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,7,4,0,1,6,3,15,2,13,22,2,18,0,0,2,1,9,7,1,1,11,84,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177677951000468,0.0,0.0,0.2552946469185818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264840471554416,0.13876586023416004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756743787987372,0.10959434370749063,0.0,0.0,0.14021166946261027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801490834726964,0.0,0.08718501359353213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189753683934115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33944532376046554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835624915984696,0.07494715220633168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882365752145786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024006928585525,0.0,0.15411844616579412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315060925896516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32195071613567405,0.0,0.1039528875270646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358766272504565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003747221185474,0.0,0.15747058712008755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998167105921496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072208305716342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619348562749799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171273987524642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168248203551512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963681876408221
suicidewatch,ConfusedTotoro,2018/01/16,Anyone else suicidal because of gender dysphoria and gender issues? It would be nice to know that I'm not alone. Anyone else struggling with this very particular curse?,5.816436781609196,9.118423517241382,5.6765517241379335,71.58195402298853,72.44827586206897,8.004597701149425,26.90804597701149,8.841846274778883,2.8367839080459767,138,5,19,3,3,43,26,29,0.293,0.59,0.116,-0.8359,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26515515827843705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580243997829349,0.5246368829070724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560648553118468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277366990238299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672139800093675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069958818436332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676433009517637,0.0,0.2800397319471293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211239846987383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186627873336286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-am-lonely,2018/01/16,"ADIOS AMIGOS                          0034786.28
Hallelujah world It was a great journey all over.
At first I am from Bangladesh so my English is not very good.
If you're seeing this that means I'm dead.I am no longer in this tangent universe and I know you don't have time to read this .
I am also not a celebrity.But all this years I've gathered a huge amount of knowledge.And as it is my last day on this dimension
I have something to confess.First of all I am not like other persons.I am a lot different.I think you are different too.Or you won't be able to be here.They're trying to terminate me.But I know I'll be always here.I can't write a book about my life it won't be appreciated but I am not doing it for appreciation.Today humans are very much of foolish.They do whatever they're told they talk whatever  they're taught.I am not a philosophist.I am nobody.I wish I was a collective mind.This is my last day I can't type everything.Just don't do what they've implanted on you.
It's not best note you'll ever read.Somethings going on like big conspiracy.Keep your mind open not your eyes and ears.I hope I could exist a little bit long but I can't.Whether I exist or not it doesnt matter to them or anybody.They just want me perish.We've made this and we can solve it.Love you mom you are the only one whom I have loved the most.My little sister I know she'll be in harvard someday she certainly will.I don't want to recall any bad thing from my life.
                       At last I want to say ADIOS AMIGOS......",-0.4506666666666668,1.7932220920634947,1.5622222222222213,96.33000000000004,94.74603174603176,4.577777777777778,17.793650793650798,6.31551763322596,-0.1852349206349202,1169,34,264,14,45,385,163,315,0.068,0.8240000000000001,0.109,0.8555,2,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,1,9,2,2,5,9,0,0,10,0,39,4,1,1,5,40,55,11,0,7,14,2,0,2,2,4,2,1,0,1,17,5,0,0,5,2,0,2,17,1,0,2,4,3,35,8,23,41,8,26,0,0,2,1,26,14,0,5,12,151,52,3,0.1256423665505349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100476155137126,0.10454451397017747,0.0,0.0,0.08544111771469626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049061279845398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185391217676978,0.0,0.1371689231855464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031520607818777,0.0,0.0,0.16205786458289434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312695314307506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365071370619426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374266560690455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140545234014238,0.10538285600088336,0.0,0.13852115267848342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479121947482702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167670830814568,0.0,0.0,0.20714927647326928,0.3072458940058941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774898383617167,0.12276502771103835,0.2518533174353157,0.0,0.1111895406625223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681664702771848,0.11339714121735832,0.1188858451354477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686137049542896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537259472069093,0.1471508211853235,0.0,0.0,0.09236159601062363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851385192246464,0.0955566814235538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513527343185734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991585279632073,0.0,0.0,0.10012069916874193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345126420250788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098657498506244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347120547749913,0.08050655526917602,0.0,0.0,0.07326307432476385,0.0,0.1190942725135924,0.12005666552436693,0.0,0.08530291950626846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733622147456804,0.22232136921892348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444825208932496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090956471174626
suicidewatch,McWhalester,2018/01/16,"I don't know why I try anymore Nothing I do is worthwhile. I can't make any friends, I don't enjoy anything I do anymore, I just want to lie in bed all the time. I want to be someone who people want around and look forward to but I just can't get anywhere. I tried streaming games but no one ever watches, nothing I post on social media ever gets attention, people ignore me in real life, it's as if I put off some kind of aura of unimportance that turns people away from me and I fucking hate it. I'm sick of being ignored and left behind, I'm sick of no one caring, I feel like the only thing holding me back from just pulling the fucking trigger is it wouldn't matter to anyone, I would just be a nuisance to whoever has to clean my mess up.

I just want someone to care...",2.8435685071574675,3.8449781779141152,4.475598159509204,87.1681620654397,73.96932515337423,6.169529652351737,27.693762781186088,5.985473137389443,1.0747222903885474,605,23,125,3,12,204,97,163,0.209,0.6970000000000001,0.094,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,3,0,4,0,14,5,0,2,3,32,32,7,0,7,8,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,6,4,0,3,3,1,0,3,7,6,0,2,0,3,20,6,22,27,2,16,0,0,2,2,4,9,2,2,6,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185063526467477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679016347392893,0.09444244300196793,0.0,0.11114916937364357,0.1202388465960859,0.0,0.0,0.126900505537392,0.1038586874279884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754209467145081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443528486379359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829426335667038,0.09649235782612912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435293315526688,0.2497357362915377,0.1411345472814783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335134355249242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065217515145853,0.07422964940690313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675139948012564,0.0,0.09540227727933856,0.06598723240721803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342281031590876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015870676066327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920211044775304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830506736203994,0.10272503599315493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28091671060664714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293574748030272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578029654694468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373655844577785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768446209956225,0.2288847670489172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973294655411271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875903427016122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340413974323505,0.1469148201032928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31866560335127003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187754781582692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594818494867463,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justanotherfuckup_,2018/01/16,"Just got paid, gonna go buy something to OD on. Someone make a legitimate suggestion. All I can think of is Benadryl to stop my heart. I don’t really care about a peaceful or euphoric death anymore. If I knew where to buy cyanide, I would.",1.7193749999999994,4.024107187500004,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,81.29166666666666,6.34,28.35,7.554174236665415,1.7144950000000008,187,9,39,3,5,61,41,48,0.117,0.67,0.213,0.7233,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,1,9,12,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,6,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469488715066593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35668683673724644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882304885489951,0.0,0.2798002938591093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.414563991831377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335219909916024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411749333436545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964196605592429,0.26932516280661245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924832505196922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241643774648363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485174420339053,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ancientrobots,2018/01/16,"I don't think I am suicidal but I have a strong desire to die As the title says. I have a history of mental illness that left me with zero communication skills. I have very minimal if any marketable skills to find a job. I believe existence is pain. Everyday just drags on. I think the meds Im on are working fine, I feel the most 'normal' I have in years. But still, I have a strong desire to die. Any advice?",0.5446428571428577,2.8663384642857146,2.99790476190476,88.53042857142857,86.9761904761905,6.217142857142857,20.304761904761907,7.554174236665415,0.8474561904761909,317,10,67,6,10,109,55,84,0.211,0.58,0.209,-0.3083,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,7,0,9,2,0,0,0,13,12,4,3,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,11,3,9,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,44,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042842882126427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28432657905733505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553127653616576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339282641906588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057035382144537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910707632770596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258132420116291,0.0,0.20745296299492091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713682526977486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221088734738485,0.0,0.2106763739436116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482767025530324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244725775614416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624743085662902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695009072771996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286701812855024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679055946787769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249071683316125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219316030533986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462335443881934
suicidewatch,Raansudesu,2018/01/16,"So lonely and cold. Noone wants me. Noone loves me. Just had a one night stand and of course I still don't feel any better. Of course he didn't message me back when I asked how I did, I don't know if it's because of my look's or if it was a one time thing or if i did something to offend him.

 I don't wanna be alone anymore. It's so cold on my lonely bed. 

 I just want to sleep forever.",-1.368202247191011,0.364176280898878,1.1394269662921346,102.74532022471912,89.56179775280899,4.009438202247192,14.517977528089885,4.935628992294339,-1.3434368539325845,295,5,79,1,10,100,54,89,0.123,0.7959999999999999,0.081,-0.5349,0,5,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,0,15,16,11,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,4,13,2,7,10,0,9,0,2,1,1,5,1,0,5,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735263319177705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795959928949764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619146832819695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468963871205603,0.0,0.0,0.203075395566396,0.0,0.160991955396549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335736050321261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353610458140638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514159373055446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177617146496212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383591497057433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478384917966291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35791987049645924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642891648699251,0.0,0.0,0.20331587882108104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109093522495132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545526588182156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539979219353216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115442003772337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rafadafadil,2018/01/16,"Help me This isn't exactly suicide related but I didn't know where to turn. My father is emotionally abusive and as a result of this I have dealt with suicidal thoughts and actions before and have spend time at an outpatient center. My father is threatening to no longer allow me to attend school and when I said I would contact the school or child Protection agencies, which I have never contacted before, he said he would kill anyone who showed up and kick my ass. He has hit me before. I don't feel safe I my home right now but I'm not sure what to do.

Edit: thanks for the words of advice. I'm at school waiting to go and see my counselor.  I'll update when I have the chance.",2.7745377128953765,4.697827226277376,3.935492700729928,87.18138990267641,76.00729927007299,6.9024330900243305,23.095498783454985,7.793537801064563,1.1007279805352792,538,16,108,8,12,175,87,137,0.23,0.6890000000000001,0.081,-0.9825,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,13,1,1,2,3,24,26,12,3,2,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,5,7,0,3,3,1,1,3,6,1,0,0,4,4,16,3,13,19,0,15,0,0,1,1,12,6,1,1,6,68,21,4,0.0,0.18809226834208176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551282316303226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100138267364804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052525464249981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785718866233255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026854685568335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022103269136904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064064830141006,0.0,0.15923875119540148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563286618674825,0.0,0.08724460589583323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224374464011328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557125588292065,0.3020143675388904,0.0,0.0,0.4819890864355142,0.12650284504545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34729250261753536,0.0,0.1496195805119923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615526513247054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602941724571728,0.09256814440777393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267393396818373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255422637491041,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sparkleinthesun,2018/01/16,Want peace I took enough pills to either knock me out or kill me. I hope I don't wake up,-0.9285714285714306,0.4208773333333369,0.8669047619047632,107.54892857142859,85.19047619047619,4.2,10.5,3.1291,-2.2336857142857145,68,0,20,0,2,22,18,21,0.185,0.512,0.303,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686778627213111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505154289433673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018281389946418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039531802534241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675380726262936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waywardson81,2018/01/16,"Losing career and being ugly to all women is real taken it’s toll on me I’m just a few weeks from being kicked of the military for developing a mental disorder while in. This is the worse my life has ever been, I feel like everything I’ve worked for is gone, I’m losing my clearance, can’t do the job I did in the mil outside, my degrees are now worthless. 

Not only that but I’m just an ugly guy, I regularly get insulted by women on my appearance, just this wknd again women commented on my hand size, height and my hairline, just for no other reason than to be a bitch. 

I have felt like just drinking myself to death. I have nothing to live for, everything I’ve worked for is gone and I’m never going to marry as I’m ugly as sin. What’s the point of staying around? ",2.4746586538461557,3.954917956250004,4.697500000000002,83.30519230769231,75.6875,7.1730769230769225,22.93269230769231,7.882392219407189,1.176408653846154,603,17,121,9,13,210,98,160,0.242,0.706,0.052000000000000005,-0.9871,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,9,8,2,0,9,0,15,3,1,1,3,19,28,7,1,0,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,4,1,0,3,1,0,4,4,6,0,0,6,3,13,2,23,19,2,19,1,3,0,0,6,8,1,1,8,84,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280832375172147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096045003780726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915976564540476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543188335938133,0.0,0.0,0.3287343271559731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247323018915307,0.1306546052067234,0.17560032935333825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555097922530953,0.0,0.10393897299489173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108701632072807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181487260734173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917859149234112,0.17869883155689156,0.0,0.1614926901359231,0.0,0.0,0.4092078448791335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184307215748808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105383252023312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548513774699234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909390676012384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288745615388082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816559779550006,0.0,0.18803843375479384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493335113726087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467010274640059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26628802372872595,0.0,0.18637761422290225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1324354321,2018/01/16,"Sad to say I've posted here before but I'm not getting better. I've been dealing with depression for a year now and it's getting to a point where I'm stressed about work I have now then I think about other projects I have then that I have exams next week then I think about how I'm never going to pass high school then how depressed it makes me then how to be a ""successful"" person I have to do more school at unit then get a job that I don't want to do yet I can't get over one simple assignment without having a mental breakdown about how much of a shit human being and son I am. All I want to do is sit at a computer and numb away any feelings I have but now even doing that I think about if I want to keep doing the one thing that makes me not depressed I have to go through school then exams then university and the cycle just continues. This is why I started getting suicidal thoughts just don't deal with it just end it but then I think about my mom and how much of a  selfish jerk I would be to do that and I think about how I would regret it instantly. So I'm just here probably taking to my self looking for some way to forget abort how shitty life is and just go through the motions like a zombie. Atleast then I could deal with life itself.",3.509186582809221,4.133541656603775,4.400723270440253,89.73345387840669,72.05660377358491,7.247379454926626,25.28825995807128,7.1686216300943375,0.8994234800838563,989,28,220,9,18,320,126,265,0.217,0.7709999999999999,0.012,-0.9952,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,28,13,2,1,12,0,27,4,1,9,2,50,55,29,1,8,12,2,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,3,14,10,0,1,7,0,0,5,7,10,0,2,2,3,24,3,33,47,5,36,0,5,1,0,9,7,1,2,22,162,38,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315437132482808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106981488631132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153800434039196,0.0,0.0,0.09514093248278054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588951117745201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327138598092586,0.2779613629154294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527910642094854,0.0,0.0,0.07105196448391303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439291613556109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810162675750583,0.0,0.1834112584722052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365840036139843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067511249752418,0.09561718767758333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196614802317132,0.0525554830220308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033551437772858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436136722088071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840982745922928,0.0,0.0,0.1259899928941701,0.0,0.0,0.15815931887213006,0.0,0.08296811160569223,0.0,0.11440673624713305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579057521703062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392993286846216,0.0,0.0,0.1016927048426128,0.0,0.10302666626217866,0.0,0.11598354112064732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554758636358148,0.0,0.32661351156485235,0.0,0.0,0.11222369904814464,0.0,0.11042371223225496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614180813726444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322626408988388,0.0,0.0,0.11766907904379995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088266099676493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146773969907565,0.34464708537111594,0.0,0.08540216300644997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035074016228476,0.08538765710943798,0.08628980157315079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706928388014632,0.0,0.0,0.1036980110014548,0.0,0.0783155412271943,0.0,0.0,0.15283572355167166,0.0,0.0,0.06927447227946573
suicidewatch,UnnoKat,2018/01/16,"Easiest way? Or peaceful??? I dont have anyone to ask or talk to, so ive come here to ask what the easiest or the most peaceful way to die. Also if a note is important or not?",-2.2384615384615363,-0.4516590769230753,1.7706410256410263,93.94519230769232,101.30769230769228,5.676923076923077,19.320512820512818,7.1686216300943375,0.6800051282051287,132,5,32,3,6,49,27,39,0.08199999999999999,0.608,0.31,0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,7,7,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,0,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413023323753009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098446615241004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641745886351222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599233298491094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131597316768057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536384446466265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24252815057693905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479016246773447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,s0921040,2018/01/16,"How quickly can someone become suicidal I want to know because I may underestimate how quickly someone can change. I'm right now quite worried on my friend , who hadn't been anywhere suicidal, become so as he puts very high expectations on his physics's results. He will obtain his results today and I don't know how he would react if it's extraordinary bad. ",10.193532338308458,8.412252731343287,10.02746268656717,62.948756218905494,59.0,11.918407960199005,44.721393034825866,10.504223727775694,4.864207960199005,291,15,48,5,3,96,49,67,0.233,0.706,0.061,-0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,6,0,14,12,7,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,4,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050598100819872,0.12448390795162625,0.4510655821795184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602603956180566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577713629734072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157580150675787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224455846248998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528644287622172,0.0,0.21720140276278685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439336594959454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460512375577232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467429921342232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356624972737915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684938073696909,0.12044775612264501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738414696132665,0.0,0.14506421100452718,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsgotime89,2018/01/16,"Legitimately worried I (28M) cannot stop thinking about killing myself, although I don't know that I have the gumption to go through with it. There are days when I feel great, and I am filled with joy, but these dark thoughts never quite subside completely. I actually feel as though I'm not worthy of the joy I sometimes feel, and when I get depressed my thoughts become flooded with darkness and an overwhelming sense of self hate dictates my perception on life. It's in these moments(they happen almost every single day) that I contemplate suicide, but I haven't been able to go through with it. There was actually a point today that I was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that I was going to kill myself tonight. I had everything planned out in my mind down to the finest detail. I feel like deep down I really don't want to die, but I can't shake that feeling, especially when I'm really down. I have a (28F)wife and 2 boys(9 years and 5months) that depend on me, and I feel like I could never intentionally leave them like that no matter how hard my depression hits me. I actively refuse to own a firearm because I'm convinced that I would have already gone through with the decision to end it all at some point if I had owned one. I am afraid that one day I will impulsively go through with it and make that irreversible decision to kill myself. The reason I am worried is because of my sons. I don't want them to wonder why they weren't enough for me to want to stay alive, and as of right now, they are the reason I want to stay alive, which makes me feel guilty for wanting to die. As far as my wife goes, I don't think she would miss me, but I feel guilty about the idea of suicide because regardless it leaves a mess to clean up and it leaves her to raise what may become 2 traumatized boys alone.
Not really sure what I was aiming to accomplish with this post, but I felt like I needed to reach out to someone...anyone really, and as I am finish writing I realize that it feels good to write things down. Maybe there is someone out there that has suffered similar depressing feelings and can offer some hopeful advice, or maybe someone in a similar situation can relate and just wants to talk as well.Any support is certainly appreciated, thanks for reading.",8.893348623853212,7.089623747706423,8.284477064220184,74.49515596330276,61.52293577981651,11.564036697247708,37.85504587155963,10.241411754978122,3.6256022018348624,1798,70,347,31,20,568,216,436,0.195,0.632,0.173,-0.9112,0,1,0,1,0,6,44.0,0,0,4,3,13,28,4,3,13,0,35,1,0,7,5,88,77,31,7,13,10,2,12,4,0,4,1,0,1,2,27,22,0,2,24,1,0,7,13,13,0,2,12,12,54,15,61,59,7,44,0,6,0,0,15,19,0,9,19,235,81,2,0.07402214984250376,0.0,0.14446988084559634,0.0,0.0,0.07233358812592673,0.0,0.0,0.07412249058987602,0.07666462332447288,0.08168528302856262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503376002205788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051758008270588685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536964648570535,0.1635032977521831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761081577952969,0.0,0.0,0.059100663412087286,0.0,0.0,0.14321448884624002,0.0,0.1912655075808894,0.0,0.1536466098924534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556165382237275,0.07648466815521783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062366853791453736,0.0,0.06652633530266731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742782307711642,0.10576287727561913,0.07107287207201983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038673518141140915,0.0,0.16827397438642966,0.062086267330780175,0.0,0.0816096815225054,0.0,0.0,0.0654575426438221,0.0,0.06630930682691784,0.07308154811645648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352069688435116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356199716514108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24568362452044465,0.0,0.04068063770698238,0.0,0.0,0.23513630618556494,0.0,0.0,0.05228403352880346,0.144653933639344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882071962256958,0.0,0.1487303975399226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474126999799446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488648617696156,0.11418089055865492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031864888315144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994971534884668,0.0,0.07089275793700127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873166792402707,0.07404218128750803,0.0,0.18968193853832693,0.1522141968194819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321451151534284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722124591675357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320399782947561,0.0,0.0,0.12543745470119586,0.0,0.07320979893570671,0.0,0.0,0.15779552554336118,0.0,0.06188583176079479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193643529324414,0.08399945843911125,0.06976500021039966,0.0,0.0,0.05949620013420311,0.0,0.06814965038550258,0.0,0.0,0.04917702721641034,0.09486080947133174,0.07272638638927728,0.11753063724115015,0.0,0.0,0.07016434286789214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619610909492805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655480241123109,0.0,0.06679347682396562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027386393068661,0.0,0.15034617257144364,0.0,0.10516642289776423,0.0,0.0,0.04766783758705903
suicidewatch,kaylee275,2018/01/16,"Why am I even still trying I keep thinking I’m going to school and working to save up money to then one day die anyways. What am I doing all of this for. I want to keep talking to people because I know it helps but then I think more about how nothing of this is going to matter one day and everything I took time working for will all just disappear. I’m slowly getting past the part in my life where I turned to cutting but I’m trying to find other ways to get my sadness out, but all I keep thinking about it going back to cutting. I have worked so hard to love my body and not want anymore marks on my body but when they start going away all I want is more to remind me how fucked up my life is! ",4.1072408650261005,3.9583444966442936,5.042505592841163,88.39755406413126,70.47651006711409,7.159134973900075,26.62266964951529,5.82211442006289,0.8030217747949289,546,15,121,2,9,179,84,149,0.133,0.77,0.097,-0.8199,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,12,6,3,0,1,0,8,6,2,2,4,29,32,13,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,5,0,1,6,1,4,0,2,1,1,18,2,24,30,7,24,0,1,0,2,4,7,1,0,10,86,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314201158043831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450300386997222,0.10189650945848253,0.0,0.08078043260755614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29439047309326266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092352185304605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753053145234553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752546958812983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190967019208168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111708679549528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250876862273015,0.1384681251817005,0.0,0.3012472470842423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870817344458147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882258139731007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533585304627986,0.0,0.0,0.07282724594545592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871997285907386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196007290039532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715253270079602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795923399174032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350175271227988,0.1265013739561835,0.09186980556063444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411311557291847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379540116744048,0.0,0.10582732953164893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651122116627924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547324190827994,0.0,0.0,0.07727105819640599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722998599721446,0.17993912808718193,0.14413919265661934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344838462970885,0.1051849141655454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957494371766295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894193526560697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im_just_a_dude,2018/01/16,"I don’t know I’ve had thoughts about if I did it how I would do it, but i don’t think I’d actually do it. My life is decent enough, i just feel disconnected. I have plenty of friends, but not a single one that’s close enough to talk to about all this. I just feel down all the time and stressed. I think I might have depression, but I don’t want to find out, because medication always sacred me (I know it’s unreasonable). I just don’t know what to do. I can be happy for a minute just joking around, but the second that’s over I just suddenly go back to being... well, me. ",1.6070731707317094,2.8751430813008128,3.5013089430894304,91.86757317073172,77.53658536585365,6.871219512195122,20.430081300813008,7.554174236665415,0.3352998373983751,441,10,107,6,10,149,71,123,0.07,0.794,0.135,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,4,0,17,2,0,1,2,30,27,7,0,3,11,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,9,1,0,1,5,2,1,2,3,2,17,4,13,20,5,9,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.19767050040255674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854713586598907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032240344000044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575705078119306,0.0,0.12347942054784924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446565504160053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41859971196414936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484204661424354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851372567984044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649827194187327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512019158250195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156301520183605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33396699568799176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307495804953674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040590871325936,0.0,0.21488541076856624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726070381157504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320331573130749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281101062370087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25958606135808,0.0,0.16081095755120975,0.1181150581052825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947583729531018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212683529353588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438936567128872,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forthestuffthatsucka,2018/01/16,"I think about details that I never thought about before - paying my bills, giving ownership of my car away, arrangements for my burial, money for my burial. I don’t know what’s happening - it all just seems to be floating in and out of my head. 

I recently went through a break up and a lot of stuff is coming up that I really didn’t expect. I don’t know what to do.",3.9052000000000007,4.4917464533333336,5.364000000000001,83.32200000000002,71.13333333333333,8.666666666666668,25.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.7340666666666669,284,8,59,5,5,96,50,75,0.0,0.963,0.037000000000000005,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,2,14,15,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,3,0,11,0,15,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,2,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600320530412432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23550864545171105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384105810400271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655004788858396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447444696541224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840431671528885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042082149329381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352977191422902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134600565168853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730426309744055,0.0,0.27327438662574577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519586173468194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168324205674125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773413541610627,0.0,0.21972237512960768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565661231278093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aly_m97,2018/01/16,"grief my mom passed away from a drug overdose on jan. 17th, 2013. she was an addict. she did hurt me a lot, but she didn't mean to, the addiction took over her mind and turned her into a monster. there are so many unsaid words; there are so many things that I'd like to tell her. all I want to do is to see her again and hug her. I'm exactly like her in every way and it seems like she's the only one who would understand everything going on with me. I just want to fucking see her again and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to.. sometimes I want to kill myself for the possibility to be with her. the uncertainty kills me. ",1.6972525252525266,2.999398644444444,3.443771043771044,92.23151515151515,77.37037037037038,6.686868686868688,19.68013468013468,7.348242739294969,0.1879629629629629,487,10,116,6,11,163,83,135,0.127,0.7490000000000001,0.124,-0.5346,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,8,0,11,5,0,0,3,23,27,7,3,4,2,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,1,4,2,21,4,19,20,2,14,0,2,2,2,15,6,1,2,6,79,25,0,0.14889866280180372,0.0,0.0,0.3246430414441302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989519514654716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267517665331508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468736511355456,0.12545354535718736,0.0,0.1338205170850593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765441443918028,0.0,0.0,0.16924508288259174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939909812472436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294686184358759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823309644897204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658831844752313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019197470235688,0.0,0.1621942949299282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034520319240596,0.17438831427828366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008975874421838,0.11324414269148884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786086987384058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373059125563545,0.1355517503720855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472645848399332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014399426300158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892165532440217,0.0954082508589041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165431893065122,0.0,0.1619589878009906,0.0,0.15500875917005866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634728674554949,0.11818882786980475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577333794306093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rightwhereitbelongs9,2018/01/16,"I'm ready to go but also not ready I don't even know where to start, or what to say. My apologies for the text of nonsense. 


I've attempted suicide multiple times, two were almost successful. 

It's been a year since my last attempt, and here I am, considering it again. 

It feels like I ruin everything I touch or come into contact with. 

I can't even make simple decisions. 

I'm failing my family, friends, and myself. 

I wish to die but fear what happens next. 

I have too much empathy that also prevents me from being successful with my attempts. 

I don't know who I am or what purpose I have. 

I know I have reasons to be present, but then why do I feel like such a burden on everyone? 


I don't know if I can hold on much longer, I really don't want to be here anymore.",1.5736919831223624,3.5327538797468385,3.6040759493670897,87.98417299578063,79.82278481012658,6.998143459915612,25.090295358649787,8.021203637495839,1.5136416877637129,595,23,126,11,15,202,97,158,0.194,0.637,0.16899999999999998,-0.8191,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,6,10,9,0,1,3,0,17,0,0,2,0,28,32,12,2,3,8,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,2,4,22,5,14,27,2,14,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,5,10,88,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677917410619598,0.0,0.0,0.2680026982736734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661790560784621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434206469976413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390559853667226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134967436232408,0.0,0.0,0.16011515499552273,0.15059625679160465,0.0,0.15796499089998892,0.18855675940385735,0.16945139183237656,0.2394163657558259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945999338628075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523082303703352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481768213458349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683564852742654,0.13658751258728746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637271979371526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185067087270456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635852072492154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820685182387044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073461727407896,0.17228431543136175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325409453210024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861116770859147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860308549496873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328847427404207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770826509068099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368626495853125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883394183301976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120098742884938,0.0,0.19269101907774727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790610781882984
suicidewatch,udiyfjygmyiyd,2018/01/16,"just drank too much cough syrup if I live I will try again
if I don’t my mom will be so sad
I don’t know how to deal with this pain

I love my doggie
goodbye everyone im sorry I didnt live up to my potential ",-3.1388000000000043,-1.601648579999999,0.2995000000000001,104.04725,104.8,4.1000000000000005,12.25,5.985473137389443,-1.2208,161,3,45,2,8,57,36,50,0.18600000000000005,0.7290000000000001,0.085,-0.608,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,6,9,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,4,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959322116705813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27428511538948874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100593457680869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775318249971967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069344216148467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590705632860387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336185248792227,0.0,0.0,0.21101211589280344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054375845869265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213249194646576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194885648519768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CindyLu21,2018/01/16,"I wonder what makes life so great that it's worth it to keep going. I'm afraid to ask this, because when I do I either get people telling me to ignore this thought, or I just get belittled. I dunno, there are times when it gets really bad, and I wonder what I'm even fighting for. It seems like you can't show that you're hurting or express sad feelings without being called emo or angsty, and it just leaves me wondering what makes life so great that showing anything other than happiness is to be met with ridicule. What keeps them going? I dunno, this feeling always comes back no matter what I do, and if I feel like if I felt like life was worth it despite all the hardship, I would think less about suicide and the recovery process would be easier. I figure no one can really answer this, but I'd like to know if anyone feels the same, or what keeps them going. ",9.549339388934763,6.249526196531793,8.781519405450041,76.12225433526012,61.60115606936417,11.504211395540874,36.274979355904215,8.841846274778883,2.950060941370768,684,20,137,7,7,216,104,173,0.111,0.745,0.145,0.6221,0,0,0,0,2,1,17.0,0,1,2,0,10,14,2,1,3,0,12,3,0,2,1,45,40,16,1,5,12,0,5,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,20,6,0,4,14,2,2,4,4,7,0,1,4,5,17,7,10,31,4,8,0,2,0,0,9,0,0,13,8,90,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437791494168208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771206558600197,0.0,0.10322819829774546,0.0,0.1172714736367672,0.0,0.0,0.09645726766269673,0.10473895269870484,0.07646836826250904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809045696321364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805730189912698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285335476388743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25370927376637825,0.08961589460383877,0.12044413270262855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661503251264545,0.0,0.21387498820429196,0.0,0.0,0.27660081897789424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353549765526496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428841240388276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344962308805561,0.0,0.0,0.06893972318217723,0.0,0.0,0.1328251208455549,0.0,0.0,0.26581049375030225,0.24513878602738215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674672138749235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500284501227777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869657898212168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607229024982388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419781899764285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372133483088031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964196522494428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803782624168205,0.0,0.09958705238584634,0.07314632446823313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092175292012225,0.4081099709896216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822100368370686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PEOPLEPLEASER1999,2018/01/16,"It’s over My whole life I’ve been trying to make people happy, help them. All I do is get stepped on in return. Now my dad has made it a point to show me just what a disappointment I am, even though I’m 18 and already have a secure job.

I’m sick of being stepped on. All I ever wanted was someone to talk to, never had a chance. Fuck everyone I know, not a single fucking person gives a shit about me and I’m always the third wheel every goddamn time. Fuck it. 

Either I’m alone forever and struggle through life or stop it here.

All I seem to be worth is the money to pay for a funeral.",0.3871062271062299,2.3326699206349204,2.705873015873017,92.92587912087916,83.92063492063492,5.146764346764347,19.21611721611721,6.297961479604792,-0.052065201465201216,454,12,102,4,13,155,88,126,0.192,0.6859999999999999,0.122,-0.8076,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,4,1,9,0,11,7,1,2,5,18,25,5,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,2,1,3,2,2,6,0,1,4,0,10,2,14,19,6,13,0,1,0,3,6,5,4,2,6,68,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285426958892168,0.19482914174293128,0.0,0.1469051203806274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661070315811735,0.15970107989707974,0.14875238411241168,0.16870267249398646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896574809374951,0.09224095293865264,0.16936443522437744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187942519919986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833885292817832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520027541393945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702817247061657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24940731063424376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705744498613906,0.11784960078887093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616752055084202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223986877858236,0.15415809540165587,0.0,0.0,0.16689838069759286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607259960732788,0.0,0.0,0.18122773694242134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495916445151224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476050892029975,0.0,0.18457012348412075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419055327880699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346110482757568,0.0,0.10294868993512636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986698472252763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413474052978858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711361800235425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingelseisleft,2018/01/16,"I don't think I can live anymore This is me. I come from an upper class conservative christian household, but while I was young we were dirt poor. (things got better) I'm 16, And I think that i might be bisexual, I'm really confused about who i'm attracted to. I feel extremely awkward and out of place all the time, I have such a hard time talking to new people, yes I have ""friends"" but i've never been to a party, or been in any relationship. Anyways I recently told the wrong person that i thought i could trust that i was confused about my sexuality. Anyways a someone today asked me if I was gay or not, and told me how this person was telling EVERYONE!! I feel like my life is crashing in, it's only a matter of time until everyone at school, and my fucking christian parents find out. All i've ever done is make mistakes in my life, and I think it's time to end it.",2.5230524344569294,4.201270893258432,4.285191011235956,85.4757265917603,76.02247191011236,6.993857677902622,27.03520599250936,7.793537801064563,1.5732639700374538,681,27,141,10,15,230,105,178,0.159,0.752,0.08900000000000001,-0.9142,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,1,7,11,1,3,7,1,18,4,0,2,4,35,34,13,0,3,6,1,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,7,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,12,3,24,5,16,19,2,22,2,0,0,2,12,8,1,6,14,95,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594613814425046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992351376611573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190024167097233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478276944835902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215366686612481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264900176617465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438420582916842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496399246373475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276241155208059,0.0,0.26963536347927863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267883521103966,0.10079482920474513,0.0,0.0,0.12895383829037912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900589757949808,0.13043556740102005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284267938253502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638905877884926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993122867085903,0.06892951908340969,0.0,0.12458518468836613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417876870245727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496743496712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881741929460896,0.13626574315662918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730541455561314,0.0,0.0,0.1566639113453455,0.0,0.0,0.09781414302044833,0.2463889485116513,0.1474091741032955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903859609850223,0.0,0.13930949891591812,0.15147801635967914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279076120292128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954522369447305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340291575521967,0.1233190072740452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373402439038676,0.2712146076728635,0.0,0.11200981679209178,0.3290831973199812,0.0,0.13373696211388295,0.26963536347927863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425992703726868,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cousin5,2018/01/16,"I'm getting angry about having to exist in this shit for 80 years without even knowing why I just wanted to post this, not looking for help, I've tried everything.",13.8515625,7.345233531250003,12.3775,63.31750000000002,57.4375,14.05,47.625,8.841846274778883,4.756337500000001,131,5,23,1,1,42,27,32,0.274,0.726,0.0,-0.8692,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482383591072986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195269276585044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574945361357872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383038831709175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538967722425585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985551794271636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404989172151174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36494585153590736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413811458921591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970046968687098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208100121567278,0.0,0.0,0.34271768411396936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894929689155544
suicidewatch,Peppermint636,2018/01/16,"I'm going to finally do it I can't take this anymore. There's absolutely nothing wrong with my life, but I'm still miserably depressed, anxious, and want to die. I don't think there's a point to living if I have to live like this. I've wasted 20 years of life hoping that tomorrow will be better, when clearly nothing is going to change. I think I might finally be broken down enough to do it. ",3.4040740740740745,4.5832698395061735,4.971296296296295,83.46583333333334,72.82716049382717,7.869135802469136,27.08024691358025,8.344100000000001,1.794669135802469,311,11,63,5,6,105,55,81,0.252,0.568,0.18,-0.8802,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,0,1,10,19,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,9,15,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,7,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631017982729502,0.18111133848014116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151377124381466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318920674789852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729152816767214,0.0,0.18953216165396736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869670471729427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001055936346514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075758790765929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813842377199316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25798176482094576,0.08921958237023564,0.0,0.3225160510394456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373242620541195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35046028148170344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263623383223856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584167105578422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730855127141914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340328144946558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771482228299033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996678121324755,0.0,0.1176021821186864
suicidewatch,Mikeline37,2018/01/16,I don't know. I'm 31. I just feel like it's dark in my head right now. I don't know. I think I need someone to talk to. ,-4.959677419354835,-3.8817559999999958,-0.9913548387096752,113.21296774193549,109.0,2.4800000000000004,9.425806451612903,3.1291,-2.5844890322580643,88,1,30,0,5,32,22,31,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011330964831277,0.28417916472967897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082442988978053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372267450369726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433867106964328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949540745959193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33970798722523016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370436964371449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31972618170487804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548858947066356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingKang96,2018/01/16,"I just can't continue being so unhappy It's been nearly 4 months since my ex girlfriend broke up with me. 

I deserved it. She was the most incredible girl in the world and I took her for granted. I didn't make her feel loved as I should have done. I fucked it up. I have never loved someone so deeply. 

I see her often as we go to the same university. I have a panic attack everytime I see her. She is seeing another guy and I can't deal with it. We were together nearly 2 years and i thought we'd be together for the rest of our lives. 

I've had therapy, been on anti depressants but I still feel just as miserable. I have had suicidal thoughts and extreme anxiety every single day. I can barely sleep, eat or concentrate. 

I hate myself at how pathetic and weak I am. I will never find a girl like her again. She truly was my soulmate and I fucked it all up. She deserves so much happiness. 

I love her. 

I hope she never heard about my death as I do not want her to blame herself. 

Every day and night is misery. My mum is an alcoholic, I barely speak to my brother and only see my dad 2 or 3 times a year. 

My ex was my everything. She was the girl of my dreams. I will never get her back and I don't want anyone else. 

I just can't live with the pain anymore. Over the next few days I will plan my death. I think I will hang myself. I don't know when I will do it, but I believe I will. 

I'm sorry to my family but I can't go on like this any more.",-0.5604152191894123,1.5685198451612905,2.164838709677418,93.69930934656742,90.87096774193549,5.631100082712988,17.94871794871795,7.116496586553881,0.23660628618693114,1112,31,256,19,39,385,161,310,0.236,0.6629999999999999,0.102,-0.992,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,4,0,0,1,13,17,4,2,11,0,38,10,1,2,5,44,64,23,3,4,9,5,2,2,1,7,3,2,0,4,7,14,2,0,7,1,0,4,12,10,0,0,15,8,67,7,26,39,8,33,0,3,4,5,35,11,2,5,20,187,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576624725521704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366456571776983,0.11358797792522746,0.08286816099262781,0.0,0.10742907504821723,0.07574320557520241,0.11099153939914756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323507669869307,0.0,0.08329507012503795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204493337564393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095815668431036,0.11167809272031716,0.09329997517425699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108538605578899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084329430845476,0.0904914546211458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825366000603618,0.0,0.09735532837066538,0.0,0.1021189628997134,0.0,0.10954452817201077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900688739570222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028902908632215,0.05659522714952105,0.0,0.1231269388137404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725856402093227,0.0,0.11531374370122982,0.0,0.10694829472184886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759094957886824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953246671822233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584403263381123,0.0,0.19130553250905585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933020324935369,0.0,0.07230763249554031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646380674220867,0.0,0.07963117806864096,0.0,0.33418699657569034,0.0,0.1152046335469249,0.10165546887798306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238587727752313,0.11526520448452905,0.127095790664834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452833025079333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960737826827296,0.0,0.10840301189481423,0.0,0.09178323544244406,0.0,0.0,0.12126072368650433,0.0,0.0,0.08650831006214009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848972862718846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387882771003215,0.0,0.0,0.06941014572328583,0.0,0.17199555229020647,0.06316505094542006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035281751376455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778552490366124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951521483617968
suicidewatch,davqueue,2018/01/16,"I don't feel like my life has any weight to it. I've realized in the past while that I just dont feel happiness anymore. It feels like every day I wake up and some invisible hand is holding my chest. I try to talk to people and it presses tighter, I say something stupid and it presses tighter. Every day it feels like less and less people see me as anything other then the weird kid that I see around school, or that one kid that is good at speaking japaneese. My hobbies aren't fun anymore, and I just can't think of any way to convince myself that I have anything to live for anymore. Sorry I just needed to ramble a bit.",4.674062500000002,4.95066828125,5.123437500000001,86.82781250000002,69.3125,7.3375,30.0625,6.6274283507984215,1.4462937500000002,492,18,103,3,8,157,77,128,0.14300000000000002,0.794,0.063,-0.805,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,3,0,8,5,3,0,0,19,16,9,0,1,4,0,8,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,11,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,12,14,7,13,16,4,10,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,2,8,64,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948240651831965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42618392403110794,0.0,0.0,0.2357581192194225,0.12751910108888215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638727550969966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847633365376538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678829702324084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138147100961174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897174521982976,0.3070044103118158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014775178424462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248778093283086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117872039608836,0.20994793608205276,0.0,0.12648863524915785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062149199977696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706703787753873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674429168875327,0.1986171548353902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139147821253093,0.0,0.1449723621305712,0.2282966578945289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027758857454203,0.0,0.16035190668314936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513552019072802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178610247006833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725447182058372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370182104814,0.0,0.17443475164659306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Phryedrice,2018/01/16,"Slowly but surely Every single day at some point I fall into a trance of thinking about giving up and ending it all and how I've had a nice run. I'm content with things I have done and have very few regrets. As the days drag on into 2018 I feel as my options of moving forward in life and ending it are getting closer to a 50/50. Will I go to work today or will I just write notes and end it. Another option of moving away or maybe taking one last trip or road trip somewhere before ending it. I have passions and I have friends and some family. But I suddenly have stopped caring if I die or not. The easy way out just seems so appealing. A lot of people will be shook and I know this but as everyone knows, life goes on with or without you. ",4.039545454545454,4.461018279220783,5.127688311688313,85.72867532467534,70.75324675324677,7.458701298701298,25.140259740259733,7.1686216300943375,1.022152727272727,581,15,121,5,10,192,101,154,0.11,0.7509999999999999,0.139,0.789,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,6,0,12,3,0,1,2,42,23,22,1,2,13,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,6,13,0,1,5,0,0,9,2,2,0,1,2,1,12,5,22,17,6,32,0,1,0,1,4,13,0,12,11,87,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733161826362901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096894906032933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767428421096885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297733150521184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352873823412525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571941141912987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354457039304292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5315690155236453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641645359134096,0.14337110423692198,0.0,0.0,0.14144579366481602,0.0,0.07586550180765372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592170776598072,0.0,0.07839050255206828,0.14393349991208465,0.08527205470707748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491779322225836,0.12230386627150612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119575286020864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755993653797829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507368758820073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31894078558443645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167201846745054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040198994217434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183773607274075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365921665374126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544143087465004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141235889321754,0.0,0.11281255170737528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968092024734056,0.0961405489386169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222181903845352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379996933650715,0.0,0.11909597637020605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463467304224195,0.0,0.10923201506114284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,insane_throwawayy,2018/01/16,"This will be my last day on this Earth. I'm 11, almost 12, and killing myself early tomorrow morning.
Here's my reasons as to why.

1. Nobody ever listens to me.
When I try to tell my parents how I'm feeling, they just brush it off like I'm any other teenage attention-seeking girl. I want them to understand. So badly, I just want them to understand and try to help me. But I don't think they want to understand. I think they don't care how I'm feeling. Because I've dealt with this depression for almost two years now and they still refuse to get me any help. They still refuse to listen to me when I tell them how much I hate myself and how much I only want help. My dad says I'm ""not the emotional basket case [I] pretend to be."" Whenever I hurt myself, he calls it ""attention-seeking behavior."" And my mom? My mom just thinks the only reason I'm depressed is because I have bad grades. Even though when my depression began I was still getting straight As. My grades only started worsening when I reached my low point, but she thinks I reached my low point because my grades started worsening. She'll never understand.

2. I hate myself too much.
It all started when that bitch, my ex-girlfriend, decided to use me. I gave her my trust, and she tore me apart. She made me blame all her problems on myself. She controlled me and manipulated me. She'd always tell me how awful I was, so sneakily, so subtly. I never noticed a thing because she always sugarcoated it with compliments. She made me think I was special to her. She made me think she loved me. And she made me think I loved her.
She made me leave the only person I've ever loved because she wanted to use me, and manipulate me, and tear me down. And she succeded. I was too kind, too naive. I cared about her happiness more than my own. And that just made things worse.
And when I realized how big of a mistake I had made - when she finally told that lie and ruined me - that's when I realized how awful I was. I hurt the person I was in love with in favor of a girl who never cared about me in the first place. I realized how selfish I was. The person I loved was right to call me a monster. That's all I was, and all I'd ever be. And to this day, the voices continue to repeat to me those same awful things my ex-girlfriend told me. That I'm awful. That I'm a piece of shit. That I should just die.

And finally,
3. Everyone would be better off without me.
Every person I'm friends with. Everyone who hates me. All of their lives became worse the moment I entered them. My entire life, I've been nothing but a burden towards the people I know. I have so many problems and so many issues. So many people care about me and stress about me and my well-being. They put their own problems aside in attempts to make me happy again. But if I had never entered their lives, then I would have never given them so many problems to deal with. They would have dealt with all their problems by now. Their lives would be objectively better if I were never in them. And the people who hate me? As someone who hates someone, hate is the most awful emotion you can feel. I don't want anyone to ever have to hate anyone. So if those people had never met me, they'd never have to feel hate. Real hate. And I wouldn't want them to have to feel hate, because I want their lives to be better. So by just existing, by just meeting people, I've made so many people's lives worse.

For those 3 reasons, I'm going to kill myself. This is my final day to live. This is my goodbye.",1.9854229556443173,4.02387955070423,3.4341034265293264,89.31621294933784,78.8450704225352,6.041622871557705,22.287155770443555,7.07714890411121,0.7013842758040782,2731,83,561,32,67,896,241,710,0.223,0.65,0.127,-0.998,1,0,0,0,0,4,104.0,0,1,21,6,53,54,14,1,17,5,45,7,1,25,18,135,124,60,3,23,16,4,5,1,1,8,1,4,0,6,29,28,0,3,24,1,0,4,14,33,0,2,28,10,139,21,63,80,15,69,0,8,0,5,82,20,2,6,46,395,168,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096089627752387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727475702805387,0.0,0.0,0.0549816553367997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565331076408635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750745689943212,0.14785860298319742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725960452102068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255821525681188,0.0,0.16486657409778538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045340802970955836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782135980904472,0.04167706917695471,0.1044556570987602,0.0,0.0419554414183268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094682827320458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026700759992254783,0.1462692562295557,0.03406035294269399,0.07725688030893815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220211429504412,0.0,0.0,0.13285296792159576,0.0,0.034386036505308595,0.0,0.0,0.031232756243840545,0.0,0.04224146633490886,0.0,0.022974828014560824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606771043852998,0.0,0.3991195917575817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812893814432181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655298701072824,0.0,0.0,0.042193874786668,0.0,0.0,0.08944998242590356,0.0420970927107069,0.022216879544171533,0.032952299586965154,0.0,0.0428049254341744,0.0,0.0,0.028553831514629337,0.01974993019040285,0.0,0.21417953292634195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824286333487065,0.3060138133252447,0.02698443470990801,0.20492631584688967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469206336876934,0.0,0.0,0.0891525106536505,0.0,0.24943002221938765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03878950063367291,0.04602486948298228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298211127578723,0.0,0.0,0.04488789931468908,0.0,0.0,0.16815633029010024,0.14119247014921035,0.042236199188363945,0.0,0.07643061031987589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934094331093588,0.0,0.04063894302287819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046013239019928584,0.0,0.12469290058858187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03452328348183591,0.0,0.03214809876126426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041496347907942766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850504265683162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584044758859752,0.0,0.09685192686457854,0.0,0.046307444503538533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600139753760617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057101497845308,0.18132186556011345,0.0397179950258283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725688030893815,0.0,0.05489272431076475,0.0,0.03948998513123883,0.16833810575888272,0.0,0.06982956254315878,0.0,0.0,0.19075276203224306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036347513500327104,0.0,0.0364778605395302,0.0,0.0,0.03896888317635371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359157039426752,0.11486888511632162,0.0,0.0,0.026032792637885608
suicidewatch,Enderwither678,2018/01/16,"Idk why im still here Everyday I ask myself ""why am I still alive? I'm just a burden to everyone"". On one hand,  I don't want to kill myself, but on the other, I do. Im tired of everything and everyone. I really don't know what to do other than ending it all. I want to go through with it so badly but there's something keeping me from doing it. I wish there wasn't something keeping me from ending it. Idk how much longer I can go on. Eventually im gonna ignore what's keeping me from ending it",-0.5294871794871803,1.5439010370370383,2.6185185185185205,91.08602564102566,89.55555555555556,5.545299145299146,18.492877492877493,7.010146845296331,0.30617578347578345,384,11,86,6,13,137,60,108,0.18600000000000005,0.722,0.092,-0.8386,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,2,0,8,2,1,1,1,15,20,5,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,1,13,0,14,18,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615525320954344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160466806928134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869857360478146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783336157969136,0.13089329576410155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554297631573184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719538209175694,0.0,0.0,0.38835888729636603,0.16113087237028706,0.0,0.08004082472041432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706334740403507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869052999219484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330175023638307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424406679460787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23261916947995634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739361582312862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180640017876794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628378153480358,0.0,0.16748067374697034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meinebescheidenheit,2018/01/16,"I’ll try to hang on for 2 more years. I (17F) have been going through the hardest times of my life. I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety/panic attacks for about 5 years and depression for about 3. I always hoped that things would get better, but it’s gotten worse. I keep losing more and more people/things that I love and at this point I basically have nothing. 

Every time I feel some form of happiness, my OCD (which includes my BDD as well) crawls up and takes it from me. I just want to feel normal again. I crave human interaction but it only leaves me feeling anxious and rejected. I’m starting to accept the feelings of loneliness, which gives me hope. I need to shake my dependence on other people’s approval then maybe I’ll be able to survive. 

At this point, I feel completely empty and exhausted. However, I realize that I’m young and things could get better, even though I highly doubt they will. Because of this small shred of hope, I’ve decided that I will try to wait 2 years to see if things get better before taking my life. Maybe in this time I’ll become such a failure and empty shell that my family won’t even miss me or care that I’m gone. I don’t want to cause them any pain, so this would be fine with me. 

Rant over. Thanks for reading. 
",3.8193873684210513,5.258292084000004,4.50397894736842,86.20693684210528,72.16,7.503157894736843,24.757894736842108,8.032893268588372,1.3102000000000005,991,29,199,14,19,317,146,250,0.182,0.637,0.182,0.2574,1,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,6,10,23,1,3,3,0,12,5,0,2,0,39,43,16,0,11,5,0,5,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,20,10,0,2,8,1,0,4,2,10,1,0,3,6,27,13,31,32,5,25,0,4,1,1,6,11,0,8,10,119,47,1,0.1074631868632543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941798016663872,0.0,0.0,0.0730786521367113,0.0,0.0,0.12140281297545424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225488894631847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550856127460088,0.11868464693666647,0.0914432569829209,0.0,0.0,0.28512736763189434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956588105305198,0.11039429500576406,0.0,0.0,0.11267310685343232,0.0,0.0,0.08580061035120848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255788537797068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195684282745216,0.0,0.09054236978153617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101306728595967,0.0,0.2716830809277221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684352392697397,0.10308848099092156,0.06107380558450051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439656068577422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354075705940347,0.0,0.3202055764825839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551821811923926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378799842893104,0.0,0.0,0.15180885389103455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022381808135105,0.0,0.0,0.09698972178702514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592243047636112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796825913980066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529110653099992,0.10311382609346964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173059608616633,0.1143484075405313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745014428938766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317489351486875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749226792780343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563424662430777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760629967717987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234385566885632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159788512509707,0.0,0.0,0.09893766432919096,0.0,0.0,0.2141812988293652,0.0,0.10558203547274583,0.0,0.1879879453680603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592089962260013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267691437742238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662231079998007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951416825055599,0.15267752935639672,0.0,0.0,0.20760830706286804
suicidewatch,M0X13,2018/01/16,"Just a blurb Can stare at this screen for hours and still not know why I'm here, what I want to say or what I want to do. 

I felt so low today, I've had a cry, but there's no more tears now. I'm numb. 

I know I'll feel better in the morning. 

It feels nice to write that.

We can get through this.",-0.5943478260869526,0.4589552898550764,1.208043478260869,106.88423913043479,83.05797101449275,4.6000000000000005,14.398550724637682,3.1291,-1.7040840579710146,221,2,66,0,6,72,53,69,0.17600000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.138,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,14,14,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,5,2,7,12,1,7,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,1,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963587561859725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33488927386082035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30830644995655004,0.0,0.2927264141383862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159283844278875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30023903011790465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351010548373736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244768002853745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434724071760028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889844731092576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596446321537793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751009546751135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frolicingpanda,2018/01/16,"From Isolated Gay Loser to Aslyum Seeker. I am 20 from Barbados, male, and I am gay, which is illegal here and gays are the most highly persecuted in this country, we can work, and live but here is no protection, as we run the risk of imprisonment, myself, I have basic education and have been unemplyed 3 years in isolation from fear of persectution if I come out and knowng I have no qualifications it will only worsen, living in fear of being persecuted, I have finally considered the idea of becoming a refugee and seeking resettlement asylum in the US or, Sweden, Germany, if only I could be helped, I would be very thankful.


edit: I hope if I receive asylum where I can be protected, I can pursue ambitions and not being a burden on anyone.

I may be pissibly a refugee since my country is not severly persecuting me, but the fear of no protection from being persecuted by groups within the country that ofers no protection and has laws against homosexuality, should be enough. Still I cannot find anywhere to start , I cant find anyone willing to help me immigrate to a safe country, that I can then apply for asylum in, nor can I find application for resttlement asylum which is migrating from here to te other country, and through the embassy how I wil even make i through, having being a NEET, I dont think ill find asylum, nor will it find me, I don't think there is a way.

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suicidewatch,LordDankson,2018/01/16,I'm gonna kill myself in 40hrs but I'm scared of death I've already posted about this on another subreddit. Read it over and comment either there or here [other post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/7qo4cn/im_suicidal_and_im_scared_of_death/?st=JCGVY6JA&sh=ad5dfa8b),15.578285714285713,21.80338168571428,7.031428571428576,57.11857142857147,60.714285714285715,6.2285714285714295,21.285714285714285,7.554174236665415,1.3776857142857142,249,5,26,3,5,59,32,35,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.9194,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424006695903585,0.0,0.0,0.33618724297443303,0.0,0.0,0.32535465887968457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432778195543977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943231604706252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103630361653846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106434779341065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gainesy88,2018/01/16,"I Didn't Want Any of This I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship with my mother in the middle of last year. I'm now flying solo at 30 which admittedly sounds pathetic, but it's amazing the power zone people can have over us. Anyway I almost miss that part of my life. I was miserable, but at least it was consistent misery. Now everything is so up in the air. I can't seem to keep my apartment clean. There's never enough money to pay everyone and everything. When I actually can sleep it's usually preceeded but my just sitting on the edge of my shitty twin bed crying. I maintain a decent facade for work and my few friends, but it's hard to do. I don't find anything really fun anymore and every time I try to think of the future I break down more because I only see the same twin bed, empty, dirty apartment and dead end job. My latest semester of classes starts tomorrow and I already feel like it's only going to make things worse. Like I'm treading endless water and the only way out is to stop paddling.",5.140712669683257,5.689022083333335,6.494705882352942,76.44848416289595,68.36274509803921,9.218099547511313,29.90799396681749,9.265573868473778,2.5948812971342377,811,29,151,15,13,276,134,204,0.207,0.6890000000000001,0.105,-0.9673,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,7,7,0,1,9,0,11,3,1,1,1,26,25,12,1,1,5,1,2,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,9,9,1,2,5,0,2,1,4,2,0,0,4,4,20,5,25,21,6,32,0,2,1,0,5,14,0,2,16,98,29,4,0.0,0.17759985623778593,0.1462749026581516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009716949101176,0.0,0.16541173500899678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193304693286946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865455110126466,0.0,0.0,0.12334997428885976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137397934511422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646514992766537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861055306502135,0.13276157597477975,0.15488055120918354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126292143580987,0.1432301220866889,0.2694300891962793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579090043222117,0.10708428973421408,0.0,0.0,0.13700038276542725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158077176303357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518820351759697,0.0,0.11988390941006268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342755644936571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874664678506835,0.13323265722359065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218360032153976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587455143228047,0.14646125502676866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005539603683053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560747855629873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34200338032168465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623205739937203,0.0,0.10391761277782334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960259222659593,0.0,0.0,0.16093003897327174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944609574745375,0.13645785036927022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000223230085494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609573101170462,0.0,0.0,0.12531807964047245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958290028335633,0.09604601035369006,0.0,0.0,0.08740438553869644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176817356928884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030400277572994,0.0,0.1650870428356466,0.0,0.08841135341278578,0.1189788648579376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912460314965916,0.0,0.15275477209424695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652680907826992
suicidewatch,nanneblake,2018/01/17,"I think I’m going to take my life. Hey all. About a week ago, My boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. Since then, I’ve been slowly going downhill. I don’t eat, or sleep. My mind doesn’t think about anything other than him. My dreams are all of him coming back to me. I’ve prayed every night so far. I’ve just come to the realization that my life isnt worth anything. All of my goals and future revolved around him. Im 17 and he is 18 about to be 19. I just dont care anymore. Valentines day is coming up, Our anniversary is coming up, and his birthday is coming up. I just wish i could spent it with him, but i can’t. I kept myself alive by having hope of getting back together with him in the future, but i just dont know. My life is worthless. I am nothing. Thanks all. Im writing my letters now. 

Edit: i took 3 of the pills already, gonna take more later.",-0.2439950859950848,1.879955227027029,1.7857616707616728,97.23707002457004,88.62162162162161,4.012285012285012,17.5982800982801,5.238671369647483,-0.667756756756757,667,17,153,3,22,221,108,185,0.069,0.868,0.063,0.0215,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0,4,0,17,6,1,0,4,33,39,8,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,12,1,1,3,1,2,8,6,2,0,0,4,0,28,3,23,32,5,27,1,2,0,0,11,7,0,3,12,95,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120064966532064,0.0,0.12652674707313696,0.0,0.13943639863019122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531066942995714,0.0,0.0,0.20795956447745145,0.1124831535507742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431910761400426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882781861862974,0.0,0.0,0.5442202279055401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008845578701739,0.0,0.0,0.08148882236800148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961753299382137,0.0,0.0,0.12929318627550382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064599296734422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660155157946197,0.0,0.1436214462489429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125499488013664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729711717220685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944165956868567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26774580698584405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758300064802375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857604517770284,0.0,0.12124147734101948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452254710022303,0.0,0.12644671828986584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900071704253436,0.0,0.0,0.11633113659333688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192696105615711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038557181714825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013547330875682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530254993368372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136877730232348
suicidewatch,thegreatbeyond1,2018/01/17,"It was my 21st birthday today and i spent the day alone I'm just doing this to vent feel free to skip to the next post

It was my 21st birthday today and I spent the day alone. I'm not the party type or anything and am very introverted but it still sucks not having any friends to share the occasion with. I got 3 texts, one from my grandmother, my sister and the one friend i have kept in touch with over the years. To be fair though i don't have any social media and have never been a big fan of it, but it still feels really sad to spend the day alone.

what makes it even worse is that i'm from a very small town where everyone knows everyone and it is another guys birthday who I went all through school with, we were literally born in the ward next to each other like an hour apart. I can even remember in school everyone knowing it was his birthday but no one knew it was mine too. And so now he is at the bar celebrating his 21st and i'm sitting alone scrolling through reddit. I even got told he is having some big party this weekend which makes me feel even more shitty but I guess I shouldn't focus on that.

So iv'e thought about suicide a lot over the years and I always said to  myself that i would end it if i haven't started to improve my life by the time i turned 21 and hear I am, probably at the lowest point in my life ever. The only reason I haven't done it yet is I don't want to upset my mother but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on living as such a pathetic person.",3.2205523590333702,3.946870721518991,4.239033371691601,90.25401035673192,72.79746835443036,7.39102416570771,23.224395857307247,7.520522993642371,0.7089417721518987,1172,28,267,13,22,381,168,316,0.17600000000000002,0.755,0.068,-0.988,1,4,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,0,18,9,1,1,19,0,29,3,0,4,4,49,58,22,1,4,11,2,4,1,2,2,2,2,0,2,20,15,1,1,9,2,4,2,10,3,0,3,17,6,31,7,31,38,6,42,0,1,0,0,17,17,1,5,22,178,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050740459940197,0.0,0.0,0.08135912224472408,0.0,0.0,0.1329847751333715,0.10252875011925104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046295625948577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891761477662967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006083369470664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866022789399468,0.0,0.0,0.258325766418571,0.08844579173480183,0.0,0.28029318485742644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148318472091379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108606826912244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555694861955041,0.0,0.15640398491674787,0.0,0.10771348186776948,0.09681558479622734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020290336559643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629162632517298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074724546668705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812697489402956,0.04776938797462158,0.0,0.08633975838518287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831273522949158,0.0,0.0,0.13053513794796334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187807466099785,0.0,0.07541241531644986,0.0,0.2079760076948988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877069384938012,0.07436456902422263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537597121394219,0.0,0.0,0.09243180715852432,0.0,0.09364428808211717,0.0,0.10542121308522967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263908547697589,0.10053206076295147,0.0,0.0,0.1107634043496762,0.0,0.09300926140585948,0.0,0.0,0.19791309621179728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967234945576582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692077660569399,0.0,0.15617126156499614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695325332855242,0.0,0.09215460038326134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606638077560628,0.07762480380623367,0.05701513349340458,0.0,0.1853642072283939,0.09343106161914216,0.0,0.0,0.1063543777291114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613541672164697,0.05767199307099815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064117825676332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964412734018033,0.06945868018814852,0.0,0.0,0.12593164224816578
suicidewatch,joursmeilleurs,2018/01/17,Sometimes I wonder why and how I’m not dead yet. Haven’t figured that out. ,-0.061875000000000575,2.182736562500004,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.625,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.5730249999999999,59,2,13,0,2,19,15,16,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.5334,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740411540893585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237304989096119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6294307888272122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RealThoughts189,2018/01/17,"I just bought a ""love doll"" for myself. I've never made a purchase like that, and I wonder if it means I'm weird. I don't want it for sex (well, not *just* for sex), but for physical touch, too.  I'm by myself all the time and just having something to cuddle against would be nice.

Is that weird or freaky?  I've posted about this on r/depression and r/morbidquestions and people have generally told me it could be very unhealthy, saying it could make relating to a real partner harder down the road.  I don't know.  I just wanted something new to experience.",2.1102727272727293,4.385699663636366,3.435454545454548,88.24318181818184,79.63636363636363,6.181818181818183,20.909090909090907,7.348242739294969,0.6810909090909085,433,12,87,6,11,141,73,110,0.135,0.8059999999999999,0.059,-0.7232,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,10,4,0,2,2,26,22,7,0,6,8,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,3,2,8,4,12,14,1,7,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,3,4,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470566004837984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871946185217034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126002185898682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944437687319437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618134289253203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615783027352454,0.20565235756079092,0.14507613379242235,0.0,0.0,0.2367469690720456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762600210251968,0.20990832071686666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067618631178228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208151636107561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473804951647484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283748676598015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346378915928575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673269841227516,0.0,0.0,0.2076776783463492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932825688967433,0.25638551931294223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541475625795346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569595259217724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543920960812549,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZolaDane,2018/01/17,"Feeling worse everyday. This last week has been hell for me, I tried telling my parents I was depressed and that I didnt feel like going to school, they seemed moer concerned with my missing school than the fact that I sleep 2 hours every night because im so depressed that I stay up with a knife to my wrists. I dont want to feel this way anymore.",3.979295774647888,4.972470309859158,3.9085633802816924,92.33185915492956,71.25352112676056,6.243380281690143,28.284507042253523,5.6839178017228535,0.8812118309859152,276,10,59,1,5,84,53,71,0.27,0.7090000000000001,0.02,-0.9541,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,5,2,2,0,1,9,12,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,3,11,1,8,9,0,9,1,3,0,0,3,1,1,1,6,33,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584885519093287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038305666666085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401815256999912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314471687369703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638691218472096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29955815628064325,0.14108101903380998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223344331602934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447976803227926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133142043095418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097400361310898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647961974362952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532326741819866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928013999138055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997241973236696,0.0,0.17977999044530996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976243932968756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048929564026625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726077751183002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407716171999404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647986707100395,0.15675184043622306,0.15840796744349167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012507993733104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedKnightXIV,2018/01/17,"I am at the end. Hello. Not sure what to say. I am done. I have been burning myself out trying to care for my disabled partner and now we have nothing left. I am broke trying to make sure she has everything she needs. We are losing the house. I have lost everyone else in my life trying to keep my partner happy.

I suffer from bipolar disorder and I am not able to cope with everything that is happening to me.

I think have to die. I have no options left.",-0.025980148883373744,2.318259569892476,2.1720430107526885,92.2319106699752,93.08602150537635,5.012076095947063,20.057071960297765,6.67199483983844,0.4682198511166251,352,12,73,5,13,118,59,93,0.204,0.706,0.08900000000000001,-0.8718,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,1,2,15,21,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,18,4,13,18,0,7,0,4,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,55,20,0,0.17286370216069505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624606511465002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940523118391502,0.0,0.19811677888497192,0.0,0.0,0.17689958430586974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440544176947773,0.0,0.15310593144926007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517867532575534,0.3107174983723449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286280092955928,0.18401662533754032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994615031685208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364920108776736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756338363799229,0.0,0.12209874502311767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339026589525526,0.18870115103800106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538786350090975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817624480413858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586738438301565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746815419914984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32584398705714324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107640804142043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352089320087068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NawTeeBiNature,2018/01/17,"Omg I should just eat tide pods! If all these kids are dying from eating tide pods, I can, too!  It would be cheaper than finding enough pills to do the job since I don't have a prescription for any and I only have a few dollars left in my bank account.   

It will probably taste horrendous, but maybe I can mix them with juice?  

I'm actually excited about this realization.  I'm debating going to Wal-Mart now or later ....",2.9980895008605866,4.798237759036148,4.3885025817555965,84.71807228915665,75.02409638554218,8.11635111876076,25.110154905335627,8.841846274778883,1.818719104991394,326,11,67,7,7,108,68,83,0.031,0.921,0.048,0.3147,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,11,4,0,0,1,10,14,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,8,10,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.2518782165439201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552371323973026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678775247215152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282221218620728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26669672176831505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590794763634176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668991318858393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25613443884266723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280437369710661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593062793362568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963043555251054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27828633400174746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351133498273409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335400351096756,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RelativeFun,2018/01/17,"Living in Iowa makes me suicidal There's nothing to do here, and I feel completely disconnected from the culture. My friends from high school are married and successful.

I feel like I'm way past my prime at 27. Every day is a struggle. I'm gay, and the other three openly gay men in a 100 mile radius are not my type. I tried to force a relationship with a guy who was attracted to me and ended up getting raped and abused. My family hates that I'm gay and they constantly mock me and shit talk me behind my back.

My job is boring and pointless. I work at Walmart. It seems like everywhere is hiring but it's the sort of jobs that nobody wants to do. I've spent 11 years in service and data entry crap and would rather just commit suicide than continue doing so.

Moving is impossible without connections. You can't get a place to live without a job nearby and can't get a job without a nearby address. Why would any business hire someone who is a day away from them instead of someone 20 minutes away?

I've always wanted to go on big adventures, and I'm postponing it longer and longer. Maybe when I'm retired something will work out for me, when I'm too old to properly enjoy it.

I know my life wouldn't be such shit if I'd been born in California or some other place warm and diverse. I'd be able to find friends who weren't part of this cultural hive mind which would make life bearable on its own.

One of these days I'm just going to say ""Nope"" and end it.",2.8425252525252565,4.594568915824919,4.101112457912457,86.81922424242426,75.32996632996634,7.0415622895622905,25.348013468013463,7.839951260653429,1.3673292659932659,1156,40,236,17,25,379,178,297,0.11,0.8029999999999999,0.087,-0.7845,4,0,1,0,1,2,25.0,0,1,2,3,12,17,6,1,12,0,22,9,3,2,1,45,44,21,2,8,10,0,3,2,2,5,2,1,1,2,16,18,0,0,5,0,1,3,9,8,0,2,4,4,20,9,35,33,3,36,0,0,0,4,15,18,3,5,16,142,36,12,0.09873391456891907,0.11698354367498075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215452633032823,0.0,0.0,0.06714244763706152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552752571843956,0.07592028582266709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352063093417732,0.10669628578324757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191025620531988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489788505921752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318758138313184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307754756220687,0.0,0.09984566765648634,0.07053552829600475,0.0,0.0,0.09024100920031376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256315495176445,0.0,0.1547531858106512,0.0,0.11222551794694167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977620983471656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747929969133816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431780161013232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919127012668331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426157733214101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947736753755366,0.09647280683142337,0.0,0.17436771090704972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181130931232987,0.0,0.09919148792457842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969310783942092,0.0,0.0,0.10493852581473873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947378538972793,0.0,0.1036046345079518,0.0,0.06690465576569263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691920792840304,0.09425269343133562,0.0,0.0,0.20631185256404405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600327411098803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851717175436017,0.0,0.09992399269587293,0.0,0.08988364763704787,0.0,0.0,0.20269788892103646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673138508211641,0.07601019113778583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321812493860312,0.0,0.21599775475121027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935858055628486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703384692792891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647164184053305,0.07837038569937127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909200082043219,0.0,0.0,0.28552791094944063,0.0,0.14375893144284044,0.0,0.0,0.21041322028608053,0.0,0.0,0.06358140386383845
suicidewatch,Lbbrrggd,2018/01/17,I’m ready to die I’m so ready to die. I’m ready to kill myself. I have a suicide note that I’m going to finish writing and finally end it. Once I’m done writing it I’m going to kill myself,-2.2940000000000005,-0.5382613999999961,1.7572222222222216,95.8225,96.33333333333334,3.888888888888889,16.38888888888889,5.46131890053228,-0.6541111111111109,147,4,36,1,6,55,22,45,0.373,0.498,0.129,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212253092280379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697283162723383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224090288161069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27507885725858217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854233308368806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5556322752692838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26742407755666303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746737094299958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stufftough,2018/01/17,"I think my dad heard me yelling at myself in the kitchen about killing myself I think I have split personalities or more likely the schizotypal personality disorder the psych said I have. I'm in therapy and she's the greatest therapist I ever had. Recently I'm upset at myself at pushing more friends away, coming on to women friends in a pervy way, losing my temper where I volunteer, and upset at people who lose their temper at me. Yet I understand it all. This world we live in, so magical, so beautiful, the abundance of air I am breathing. I don't have to go out early in the morning and suck all the air in before other people do, ya know? i was going to type about how hard life or money is to get just then, I guess Abraham Hicks is paying off sometimes. Or the binaural beats, meditations Im listening to.

Your attention to it invites the essence of it.

This is really a conversation i am having with myself in my brain.

I hate the abuse you had as a child, from your own father.

You're a man you are not supposed to be molested by a neighbor as a boy.

All of this is fucked up shit that happened to you.

You can't get it done, you can't get it wrong.

My parents are leaving for 2 weeks to go on vacation, and leaving me to watch their house. 34 unemployed, where the fuck else would I be?

There is a certain safety here, a certain toxicity as well. Narcissistic alcoholic father, depressed codependant mother. Their problems aren't mine/yours.

This anger issue is though.

Promiscuous hookups with women won't take away any pain.

Sit with yourself and meditate. FUCKING ADD!!! I can't concentrate on anything. This is my life, powerlessness. This is my journey of pain.

But it doesn't have to be.

Your attention to it invites the essence of it.

Cats, breathing, X-Men, food, talking, bed, rain, sleep, therapy, money(fucccccking come to me already!!! hahah! damnit), smell, beach houses, love, naps, stars, friends(shit im so sorry i lost my temper sigh), games, mom (love my mom), admiration, taste, eyes, movies!, showers!, wealth!, hockey!, sound!, sky!, worthiness!, water!, laughing!!!, hope, abundance, sand, sex, source.

You can't get it done and you can't get it wrong.
Your attention to it, invites the essence of it.
-Abraham Hicks",2.423827751196171,5.220382234449762,3.7613090909090894,82.98596363636366,83.11483253588517,6.597588516746413,26.06334928229665,7.839951260653429,1.9129594641148329,1746,74,317,34,50,570,227,418,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.097,-0.9782,5,0,1,0,2,1,108.0,1,12,3,4,16,36,12,2,21,0,36,21,6,1,6,38,67,19,1,3,6,7,2,1,3,2,5,5,4,7,21,14,5,0,7,4,3,7,10,23,2,0,8,11,49,12,51,54,7,41,0,4,2,6,43,26,5,5,7,210,70,4,0.0,0.10707177632487888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657633634109808,0.0,0.0,0.09972377606365024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061453610563157075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743654929486727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980817225903072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689685207579426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088102052961104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556887489066566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783417012024703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035700150431838,0.0,0.0,0.1849564959697784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549120201003277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174339108773149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109273827451526,0.0,0.13963680265831074,0.25063238764009754,0.2360687947516876,0.0,0.15407533202631798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955098033537982,0.0,0.07991247728194614,0.0,0.08095233584036451,0.08922008553489405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975621115954108,0.0,0.20854599999017825,0.0,0.0,0.19522675763335184,0.09432113069011268,0.0,0.0,0.09997924491741368,0.0,0.049664109058654544,0.0,0.0,0.1913741739278703,0.0,0.0,0.12765974623623766,0.04414943533932535,0.0,0.07979695243457433,0.0,0.0,0.20219824752557827,0.09864778319972148,0.0,0.1631220176359707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167675472991165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231669714890345,0.0,0.1003434133288746,0.0,0.0,0.1253001396202165,0.15781240164284951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647035385701314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789231077127125,0.0,0.08922789243748636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596104213388618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552372703272815,0.0,0.0,0.09043366253430864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937665787576993,0.10116002473410957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794578998070185,0.07263469646970253,0.0,0.0,0.20668828115486576,0.10492467702935107,0.0,0.11580884304003546,0.08878649373923103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407669095151762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173022926550485,0.07248807918671524,0.0,0.08125204401014717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419511824917483,0.19760731729289327,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Surrealistic_pillow5,2018/01/17,"I'm a fucking terrible person Not once in my life have I ever wanted to work to achieve anything. Not once. Not once have I ever taken pride in trying to change who I am fundamentally. Not once have a tried to change at all. I cannot accept my weaknesses. I couldn't as a child and I can't now. I've always been a weak, selfish, insecure person, and I always will be, regardless of whether I tell myself any different. Life is grey, bleak, and meaningless. ",1.5976923076923093,4.014954318681319,3.6491098901098944,85.10839010989012,82.73626373626374,6.716923076923077,22.286813186813184,7.908726449838941,1.3299265934065936,357,12,70,7,10,121,57,91,0.196,0.7390000000000001,0.065,-0.9112,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,1,1,4,0,11,5,0,0,3,15,15,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,1,11,2,9,10,1,6,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,0,3,48,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622043892982037,0.0,0.0,0.10714591919059754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296581116232155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33335429370253583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646162290834307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850433260337157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456612953334059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225779857159529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6711832535873851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751499005305996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771402000760308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394522835387933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293272410993786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470525273790386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Black_Eragon2018,2018/01/17,"Always Feeling alone I feel alone. The point is, I would say I have a few good friends, but I have The Feeling Nobody understands ne and Really feels me.
I cant talk to them about my suicide thoughts. 
What should I do?",1.1677272727272765,3.55461122727273,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,84.45454545454547,5.3381818181818215,22.43636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.4947690909090907,170,6,37,2,5,53,35,44,0.204,0.6409999999999999,0.155,-0.6428,0,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,13,2,1,2,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,9,2,2,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119377919814534,0.0,0.0,0.20564541130896408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998581164007359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909445173142384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729448102266784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23363301467252756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832816458102078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654055353346064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703377957474003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986467291378948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962064519144407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572878782997425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556554768750424,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faggotshit66,2018/01/17,"Everything just feels shit. I'm a 15 year old male who is suicidal. I told my mom and stepdad that I was very depressed and they laughed and said that I wasn't. I've also told my friends and one of them just thought I said it as a joke and my 2 other friends are too depressed to get help from.
I have been depressed since I was 13 but when I turned 15 I got suicidal. I feel lonely and I think about how I should kill myself when I'm at school or when I'm eating etc. 
I almost never sleep for more than 2-4 hours per night which makes me very tired at school and I only sleep in class. 

I don't really have a good reason for being suicidal except that I hate the way everyone lives, wake up, go to work, get paid, go home, eat, sleep and then it starts all over again. I also feel like i'm such a dick towards everyone, as I don't care about anything anymore, some people are annoyed by my negativity towards everything. 

Being alive is just pain and suffering. I've almost stopped feeling emotions at all, I don't feel empathy towards people anymore, only for animals. Now at school i've just started pretending that everything is alright after someone said that I was emo or something like that and now it's just too hard to ""be happy"".
",4.1862885154061615,4.9293194682539685,5.081652661064427,85.03197478991598,70.58730158730158,8.151633986928102,28.7124183006536,8.313332769828598,1.8586925303454715,974,35,202,14,17,318,138,252,0.264,0.648,0.08800000000000001,-0.9956,0,2,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,1,19,20,4,0,5,1,19,10,6,3,3,37,47,22,4,1,9,1,6,2,2,1,2,3,1,1,12,10,2,1,8,2,1,2,6,10,0,1,13,9,27,10,26,30,5,29,0,5,0,1,13,10,2,5,18,128,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799178648185737,0.0,0.0,0.14368547859936182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781886328729516,0.0,0.0,0.07392832281493017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159496545698913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23212982634244145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838516720645036,0.0,0.10105470608209594,0.0,0.0,0.10019217367519537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168650035791552,0.2422195228453755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271218208958117,0.06417968050272604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388159240858303,0.0,0.0938724097585411,0.0,0.10211304941052853,0.07535114216895218,0.07185097853711833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563332055294033,0.0804764438361183,0.0886955901650761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060215950391459334,0.0,0.09011398996346463,0.0,0.08847150000784113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939150000859974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777979082624468,0.0,0.07932785254718239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996699764415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521618855462056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928795116337574,0.0,0.0,0.08430608294494145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426898049757257,0.0,0.060875980302684374,0.13665040710377252,0.09559306545132673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456354154732352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755198102639874,0.09236755628721352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256367116806499,0.0,0.0,0.2727599869472206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092216547205375,0.07431422183327252,0.0,0.26970609884024793,0.0,0.07611872873709878,0.0691610299096682,0.0,0.0,0.12717439945551207,0.0,0.0,0.07510788307513004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948017947295375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057564020580059425,0.0,0.07132066507382805,0.0,0.1032545925171322,0.0,0.17168650035791552,0.0,0.0,0.0977170257600602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482501205032114,0.0,0.07130855097523887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540251779710136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785218151016638
suicidewatch,LEOLLDN,2018/01/17,"Reasons why I should kill myself I'm gay in a homophobic country,,,Have severe social anxiety,,,Am depressed,,,Dropped out of college twice,,,Have no friends,,,Have no romantic partner,,,Have no social life,,,Family thinks i'm a disappointment,,,Stuck in a job I dislike,,,Tried therapy which made me feel even worse",11.122826086956522,15.878824760869565,7.2371304347826095,59.56221739130436,62.26086956521739,9.76695652173913,39.63478260869565,9.888512548439397,5.4936747826086965,273,14,29,7,5,75,36,46,0.329,0.619,0.052000000000000005,-0.9231,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,17,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666632002984478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23787657239028176,0.0,0.12758686607138325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504010163978161,0.0,0.27916846453182315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822986845285416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387630608600245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25943977964943715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28506383958280473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144423019621467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885641421596479,0.0,0.0,0.1616844421929744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131716680323406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22769078405716103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571483190964668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stoictreetrunk,2018/01/17,"Last day of my life 

Hi i've been lurking here for a long time and i wanted to have a post here.Tomorrow i will get up,have breakfast with my family for the last time and i will tell them i am leaving for an exam at school and go to a local viaduct and off myself.I had my shot for 22 years and i am in a point where i cannot lead a life honourably,i know it will be devastating for my parents and my big brother (maybe) but in the long run it will be better for them and me,cause i am really miserable and i spent most of my time in bed  daydreaming or pondering my past mistakes,which my parents noticed and start calling me names like lazy etc. and they think that i am abusing drugs(which i dont),they show no respect whatsoever to me and they havent learned yet i ve failed this semester too and i am left with no power  to endure life.So in the longterm they will know that i am a failure and hate me for that and see me as a mistake and gradually hate me.

   As for me i was one of the kids who wasnt able to keep up with the social change  in society.In my teenage years and i rejected social media all together which put me in a awkward position and i strived for real human relationships,which i know non-existent today,and because,i was shocked by the state that the society was in after finishing high school i decided to a maritime school and wanted so bad to be a seafarer which i wasn't able to due to extraordinary circumstances and i went with another degree which in an another city far away from nearest body of water,and i was such a dreamy i basically dreamed my years away accompined by various failures in all aspects of my life.Sorry i dont even know what i write makes sense i ve totally randomly written it.

 Good bye blue sky  :)


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suicidewatch,Throw_throwmeaway,2018/01/17,"25th birthday coming up and nothing but regret to look back at Considering ending it very soon. Stuck in the house of my birth while my friends are all moving away and making it in life. 

Hate my low paying job and lack of future. Did everything conventional wisdom told me to. Worked hard, got a masters degree, employed but can’t afford anything. 

Never contacted or checked up on by the few acquaintances I have left. Nothing but memories of how awkward and uninteresting I was. ",5.6273891625615775,7.838640540229889,5.939901477832514,74.61310344827587,68.88505747126436,8.189819376026273,30.81937602627258,8.841846274778883,2.814896223316913,385,16,62,7,7,123,71,87,0.166,0.72,0.114,-0.5138,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,2,2,15,12,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,0,0,5,2,6,2,13,7,3,18,1,2,1,0,3,9,0,1,7,45,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320235848060246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916460318905267,0.17118577307172408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917727218474848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718069642417407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000820351644588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200041688252926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805447527995102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942930870780007,0.2197972398988234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568806951650703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092210934142664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418839713026526,0.0,0.1572474387392021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694990230219227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860468871871962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366163729752413,0.0,0.0,0.17170301697762422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272316043815461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272883373528095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368989507047764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620744939797112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irithyllKnight,2018/01/17,"Is It Worth Growing Up?  I have literally no idea on how to start this.
I am 15 years old, and with all of this AI bullshit, and the earth being raped of its resources, I may not die naturally anyway. I'm overweight and struggling academically and socially in school and have very few friends. I tried to kill myself about a week ago but couldn't go through with it and now I'm having suicidal thoughts again. I dont know",3.2417857142857147,5.042998654761906,4.120952380952383,86.8907142857143,74.35714285714286,7.180952380952381,27.47619047619048,7.957251820313856,1.5654476190476192,333,13,70,5,7,107,66,84,0.218,0.703,0.079,-0.9258,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,2,0,9,2,0,1,1,17,15,8,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,3,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,11,11,2,12,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,7,48,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234204153552403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615802599593645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953918621240832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472736363447107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324152675808458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845252356232414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788476162487432,0.0,0.13851593333759374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26447614228251864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25508040480218763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569255267428467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783969360205182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26348948217467605,0.0,0.27569352080432824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009354364700396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711202720038049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796140870865515,0.0,0.0,0.20217324210002205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230706758126912
suicidewatch,hollys241,2018/01/17,"I can’t do it anymore It’s the one year anniversary of my dads death today and I’m so alone and everything is wrong. I’m still not sleeping. all I do is cry it seems. I have no friends. I have no hobbies. I have a fiancé who is amazing but I just feel not good enough for him and that he would be better off without me. 

Can’t even afford to get to college until next month and I have a test in 2 weeks. Literally have £2 

I just feel so done everything hurts so much and I’m just so tired. I don’t know what to do I really hurt",-2.149849624060149,-0.3653343529411757,0.8341441839893875,100.2375586023883,102.61344537815123,4.1859354268023,15.506855373728438,6.05967700443912,-0.6462033613445386,408,11,103,5,19,141,74,119,0.239,0.693,0.068,-0.9641,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,0,17,2,1,0,1,18,25,11,1,1,7,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,2,13,4,9,22,3,9,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,71,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278321934780365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459925040320416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462426566778435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446426375152807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048418274199208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923306985453412,0.0,0.1229426406928972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345783370454675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823430972713606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381004622524488,0.0,0.09724961797829447,0.0,0.0,0.15612403706280736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985299589241528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229678256007578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857387447909615,0.0,0.13683312244471507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796027273057196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261321797047312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924500890320625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694533850675062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186272801178366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486503461372214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139386791630101,0.17643741421967465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930897614620073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943075043345852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222736051095674,0.20351309177334756,0.0,0.11986701024392812
suicidewatch,Y-Raig,2018/01/17,"Someone please just talk to me. I need to know that I'm not alone,that at least someone can understand.

I hate my life. When I look at myself I cannot see any redeeming qualities. I hurt people emotionally, I lie, I manipulate. I'm a horribe monster and I'd be better off gone. I have dreams..oh yes, but that's part of the problem. Living my dream would involve leaving my family, my SO, and everything I've ever known. This would cause pain. Granted, that's all I ever do so I don't know why I'm deciding to bitch about it now of all times. 

I want to be a good pwrson, I fucking try.. but I always end up throwing myself to the sharks or unintentionally hurting someone. It's like I'm addicted to hurting and I'm convinced there is something unfixably wrong with me.

More than ever, I can see the sweetness of just ending things, and it seems easier than ever to go through with it.",1.5153307850632167,3.8225391452514015,3.6417524257571294,85.73296677447809,82.12849162011173,6.4499852984416375,24.504851514260512,7.669130373188453,1.414501675977653,693,27,139,12,19,236,107,179,0.153,0.6859999999999999,0.161,-0.3506,0,1,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,12,14,3,0,5,1,11,4,0,2,6,31,29,10,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,9,0,0,1,4,22,5,20,24,5,16,0,3,3,1,2,4,2,2,10,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592858218357878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375060112341472,0.0,0.0,0.08479227638941336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027661227796633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808916558055758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402574831995035,0.2208735357702258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511505928847256,0.0,0.0,0.11206174679444607,0.0,0.11754497216433048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152722652103951,0.0,0.0,0.07086319810040373,0.10458257677024367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310381900811115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400444007295879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705078752394995,0.0,0.0,0.1320268386249721,0.0,0.0,0.08807098873011558,0.060916373983938815,0.0,0.11010199700002292,0.0,0.10470671491228467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245474725785664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267707454055874,0.0,0.0,0.13502520907501245,0.0,0.08644312330022083,0.0,0.0,0.13687024022402433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930980257374747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987207616961464,0.11351148731614452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316943813829054,0.09599109597859964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021968118847276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283732369980712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270671327155398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465512766056994,0.0,0.0,0.1298048512994108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354435229897628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251173919793284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771498910984561,0.13632701244827167,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JimDuche,2018/01/17,"Today is the day. I think it's time to say goodbye. First, I'm not looking for attention. I'm not crying out for help. I've been wanting to do this every day for weeks. I've done my research and I have a plan. It's CO poisoning. Easy. 

My wife of 8 years, my best friend in the world, left me a few months ago. She left me because I took her for granted and I'm a piece of shit. I miss her so much but she has gotten past me. She doesn't even want to talk to me. I reached out to her a few weeks ago just to talk. Talk about being depressed, etc. She said she can't help me with my needs. I will not be able to live with her being with someone else. I recently lost my job, I'm about to  be homeless and I'm almost penniless. I have nothing. I am devoid of hope. My exit plant has been set up for a couple of weeks and today is the day. 

Some of you guys who are trying to help on here were sent by angels. I wish my heart was as pure and caring as yours. ",-1.245765602322205,0.6785483349056634,1.1711320754717,101.18903483309143,91.59433962264151,4.016255442670537,15.229317851959365,5.369823440869387,-1.0670071117561686,725,15,184,4,26,244,120,212,0.069,0.7809999999999999,0.15,0.9472,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,4,6,9,2,0,8,0,21,3,2,0,1,25,40,9,0,5,5,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,4,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,10,3,33,4,32,25,7,28,1,3,1,0,24,9,1,3,16,119,37,2,0.12456839712855275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084473605493224,0.0,0.12473725585656105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593573868750514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307268475270474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270057829210281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783256209396344,0.13683253496441325,0.24100893258462655,0.0,0.1072905779149621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274767194862262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040609115333092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389266909670179,0.08227625147087557,0.0,0.10495424717171947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059578149617518,0.0,0.0,0.09624123461625037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334229777276495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761415037078274,0.25048671241845594,0.0,0.0,0.1237245255122143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236149129310907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27068785592476685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999617686334302,0.0,0.10460608023548294,0.0,0.13598112054354378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942930613617967,0.0,0.09157210491296128,0.09236588807039313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952673667309548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891463026713947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299626412104155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118493071545166,0.09906178920598427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786766955649215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554639864729498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003700771347355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981839902855446,0.0,0.0,0.07263683411817275,0.0,0.2361525501550035,0.0,0.13840007267556706,0.08457376476594693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694733616460234,0.0,0.2997637629799217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324750905997727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802179636154604
suicidewatch,ishoulddienow,2018/01/17,"I swore i would die first, it's time I can't fucking believe I hit my son. After all the shit I dealt it growing up, I swore to die before I ever hit my children. I'm a piece of shit. A worthless piece of shit, just like was always beat into me. It was fucking true. They will be better off without me if I can't even control myself.",0.3015459882583187,1.981811013698632,2.7018003913894333,94.2664383561644,82.69863013698631,4.171428571428572,21.38747553816047,3.1291,-0.3080551859099807,256,8,58,0,7,88,49,73,0.131,0.598,0.271,0.8883,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,4,3,9,5,0,3,0,7,5,3,1,3,9,12,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,0,14,3,8,5,3,8,0,1,0,2,3,3,5,1,5,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341490446421394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671161781546906,0.22126792302887816,0.0,0.17369385685394392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202717129915389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076503433982383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971587965562495,0.1776489250108849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705198557832776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631247627051872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095947814538928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6047845012204944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451847482835036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893160704745596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951211952624934,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisbitchlovesdogs,2018/01/17,"What's wrong with me? Why do I fuck things up? Why am I such a burden? Why do I make issues out of nothing? Why am I so insecure? Why can't I stay on my meds? Why do I make myself unhappy? Why do I self harm?
Why do I stick around?

What's wrong with me?...

Sorry, having a really bad day and I just needed to vent. Depression sucks. It's like this huge scary binding monster that follows me around even when I think things are good. I don't want to lose this battle of life but man it gets so hard sometimes..
",-1.3010894495412837,0.7322772568807387,1.0320126146789017,99.79737672018352,97.53211009174312,4.1928899082568805,14.151949541284404,5.985473137389443,-0.8639316513761468,387,8,93,4,16,129,69,109,0.281,0.654,0.065,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,3,1,2,0,11,2,0,2,0,13,20,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,11,0,0,0,1,16,2,11,20,0,10,0,2,0,1,2,6,2,0,3,57,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912986399588226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338512426091884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213017062150573,0.0,0.09633113106754387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738719514631474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339803776083513,0.058433908842477324,0.0,0.0,0.09380949703970888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019031566745552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167361480042892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899877218279368,0.054641361700910315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251249024298863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931356648492616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423354505776825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293095855007326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731739879020702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716501732862905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667775422277585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061664216254248,0.12520027625916136,0.0,0.11921089415372685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860845682672993,0.0716651621031947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596852852875111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8073749942810009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445678594971704,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Data_gnome,2018/01/17,"Just some thoughts of mine on the future, sorry if this breaks some rule We are destroying earths ability to supports us. I probably have about 2 decades tops, being 18 so ill probably never even make it to like age 40. And even before that people around the world will start to suffer more.

With so little time on my hands, literally half of my life already pass I think and looking how fast it has gone by.. what is the point?

What is the point in waiting for like 20 years until I can die of civilisation collapsing or something else we have created to die in masses in most likely awful ways?

Now I ain't thinking of suicide, but I do need antidepressants to carry on and it's just generally kind of hard to find purpose in every day especially when I tend to value the length of a life a lot and would like to have a lot of people and other forms of life here still after I am gone.",7.057062146892655,5.981625553672321,7.413333333333334,76.94112994350283,64.64971751412429,10.352542372881356,31.53107344632768,9.444778638647367,2.568181920903955,701,21,140,11,9,230,120,177,0.101,0.792,0.106,0.2187,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,3,0,0,1,13,8,1,0,8,1,14,5,1,2,1,30,26,13,3,3,5,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,3,13,6,30,20,7,32,0,1,1,0,3,14,0,7,17,101,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755298303686355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709777760626131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148886563373835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207643896691853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29635058880303755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926808770385601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859975435121654,0.0,0.120291972962028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049146108473605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278960995952541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867556853143435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302533276824737,0.2790056899836659,0.14309553363013122,0.0,0.0,0.11989292586475794,0.0,0.0,0.24276011549362944,0.0,0.0,0.09530173970837083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586398559172668,0.1101149389849784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979609231754355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993228536235525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078657644869332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991323109964997,0.0,0.15982210351490445,0.10105509689177472,0.0,0.11401828774661647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616992129344404,0.16201651949881107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296568183859868,0.0,0.11334540206643963,0.08325178181207471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173771552095798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332614989914926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142147415382853,0.0,0.0,0.09194079677892293
suicidewatch,literalpsycho666,2018/01/17,"Reasons I should give up This is more of a vent post than anything but I have been really overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts lately.

1. My combination of mental illnesses has made me so handicapped that I'll likely never be able to live alone. Having to live with my parents for the rest of their lives and then who knows where after that will never be a fulfilling life.
2. I'm transgender, and my family is unsupportive and I haven't been able to begin transitioning and I am constantly misgendered by my family, even though they know. 
3. I've wanted to get help for my mental illnesses but every attempt I make to get professional help is rejected and instead I'm treated like I'm ""normal"". 
4. I'm very alone in my life so I don't think anyone would miss me if I gave up. 
5. I have literally no income, since I'm not able to work due to my unstable mental health.
6. I'm a college student but I don't know why, it's not like I'll be able to pay off my debts and its not like my parents would be willing to pay them. 
7. It's getting harder and harder each day to wake up, as I keep feeling less real and everything is even more pointless. ",2.3653612479474546,4.330803844827589,4.333226600985224,83.6725287356322,77.36206896551724,7.694909688013138,24.409688013136286,8.563005593585519,1.7387567323481117,900,31,181,19,21,307,133,232,0.147,0.769,0.084,-0.9477,4,3,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,2,7,8,0,1,4,0,23,6,1,3,2,36,46,17,1,6,7,2,1,4,0,5,5,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,7,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,5,1,24,5,26,32,5,16,0,3,0,0,10,6,0,1,13,115,31,6,0.4345228395338563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501730826260946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595711814032982,0.0,0.08939381829774834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739120561732255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070057821080429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349911871480558,0.0,0.09152605828091784,0.0,0.0976302774946487,0.0,0.2048147307850658,0.0,0.054926950904704126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702651870407117,0.10420847545775708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154693648051164,0.0,0.0,0.14562574999559533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965559662240441,0.0,0.0,0.17910179164037246,0.0,0.12254017236922014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345816596489836,0.21228591079983056,0.0,0.2877687211018907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278900427241494,0.0725118423784988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32842261604066725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756540066593212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643503120219663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412430954956072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403819176663544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364553013638525,0.06959161439964838,0.11169046217938344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986044577438318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882436513483832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960617257750701,0.1067291209122638,0.08624064947942743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963171238213821,0.06407320721391001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802231924377013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908445058067227,0.0,0.0,0.15433627906776692,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuantumBaconBit,2018/01/17,"Starting to see bits and pieces of a future I’m 25, MtF trans woman. I post on here sometimes, mostly just ranting about my problems, but I also try and talk to people on here too. I’m not very good at it, but no one deserves to be suicidal and alone. I’ve had to change my account about 3 times now because my partner has discovered my usernames. Ugh.

For the first time in a while, I’m genuinely happy. Allow me to explain... You have to permanently clear all the pubic hair prior to surgery, and for me it’s excruciatingly painful. Like being kicked in the dick with a taser. It was such an ordeal taking morphine, barely tolerating the pain, ending sessions early because I was crying and shaking from the pain, and worrying I would asphyxiate on my vomit while sleeping. My partner was so scared I could die that she would stay up and watch me sleep all night. It’s taken the better part of every other Saturday for the last year and a half.

I’m finally done. All my hair is gone, and I get to schedule surgery. 

My silly brain that rarely sees into next week is now thinking about something slated for May. I have a concrete, tangible goal that is now achievable. You guys always take the time to respond to my plights and I’m really grateful for that. I took the advice I was given and I reached out to a psychiatrist and I’m on meds. Went to DBT for an 8 week program. I’m sorta stable, close enough. 

I feel happy for the first time in a long time.

Thanks guys :)",2.682922094508303,4.842270117241379,3.93888888888889,85.95314814814816,77.13793103448276,6.089399744572159,24.8786717752235,7.0931098945946705,1.1074380587484032,1154,41,223,13,27,377,170,290,0.185,0.687,0.128,-0.9724,0,1,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,5,13,14,0,2,19,0,18,11,6,1,4,35,40,18,2,4,4,0,3,1,2,3,4,0,0,5,9,16,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,7,0,4,11,6,26,7,37,23,8,45,0,0,3,2,11,12,1,3,28,148,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073469220053919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377441039227447,0.0,0.08784927494232217,0.09140636142917068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339305409809556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971559082060049,0.11993084757297592,0.0,0.0,0.12263209783789647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620973674657192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770855241854451,0.0,0.12066818436438585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140099024246128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124175934702344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729700850955242,0.11350734727513917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255575401592996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554489565340291,0.0,0.0,0.12033841457765468,0.0,0.18688153594431908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057393573900188365,0.0,0.0,0.092139348668289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175431615213707,0.0,0.23388077773197605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954472491702681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366854781599725,0.0,0.0,0.09721630485403776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202173858292782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682973957593715,0.10308944692443367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443912611246524,0.0,0.35067349482804183,0.0,0.0,0.1189599185847465,0.0,0.07615812617844321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520865277361632,0.0,0.0,0.10511433011483284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037454103153705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998185492376857,0.0,0.17507697854657228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198643450180293,0.0,0.0,0.08457008169586312,0.10864726581377572,0.0,0.0777544042188381,0.11708850903271847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016117504769755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519132579831208,0.08829555011573212,0.0,0.10113773413108344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038926299328338,0.0,0.0,0.3202803665552395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205054514266732,0.07458286614233701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064009615496983,0.0,0.0,0.17623464101053982,0.0,0.0,0.1018346814900755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115608894773681,0.0,0.15607260871310086,0.0,0.0,0.07074162607163152
suicidewatch,phm_throwaway,2018/01/17,"thank you all for the help but I should go being forced to go to college against my will despite my severe social/general anxiety, know full well I won't be able to handle it and I have nowhere to turn for help/comfort so I think I'd rather kill myself than go through any of this

going to hang myself tonight when everyone's sleeping thank you for your help but I'm a broken person",2.516274864376129,4.427085835443037,3.4494032549728786,90.43316455696205,76.72151898734177,6.033273056057867,25.20976491862568,6.868970318607317,0.9450094032549728,307,11,63,3,7,98,59,79,0.185,0.64,0.175,-0.6025,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,3,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,8,16,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,3,12,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,42,13,1,0.2059779499160594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400720692277896,0.0,0.15757256789934404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682075813591765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682480628040604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141880339996836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278840834099017,0.0,0.113200094485107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798520009268056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326964541126728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612670472811165,0.2099685805245383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792736445447502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198235328112107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404486145139516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851989139318693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crimedotte,2018/01/17,"I am already dead. I've struggled with depression my whole life, recently diagnosed. Got meds, they helped but I ran out of money and don't qualify for assistance. Now I found out my wife has been cheating on me for most of our marriage. She is taking the kids. We are also in the hole $10000. I want to kill my self but what's the point. I am already dead inside. ",-0.18570909090908927,2.1247640533333367,1.8584242424242416,93.88254545454548,95.13333333333333,5.3939393939393945,20.151515151515152,6.980632752743323,0.6247333333333338,284,10,61,5,11,94,59,75,0.285,0.698,0.017,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,1,0,2,4,2,1,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,10,12,4,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,13,0,10,8,2,8,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,1,2,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098330998573722,0.18473228746699485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989617611446225,0.2344622582265576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532818678311733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475347336822348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548358312370583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25556958615922404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316360731538318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565912456753177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183716409953256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808669502300186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098555897039964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149353981430602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368482269468538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625101740990322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579055833003697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DB1083,2018/01/17,"Life crashing down around me Life is crashing down around me and I'm going to simply give up. I'm a constant failure, and living in a perpetual downward spiral. ",3.3363440860215086,5.803677903225813,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,76.41935483870971,5.423655913978496,29.68817204301075,6.42735559955562,1.7720881720430108,129,6,21,1,3,43,22,31,0.113,0.887,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159102901873406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738324176422416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318519995967825,0.1966026107998088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886876907680127,0.0,0.0,0.3054665982447933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reekinq,2018/01/17,"I'm ugly as sin I was looking through some pictures from my mom's wedding last August and I feel absolutely crushed by the way I look in them. I know I'm ugly, that's something I've known for a while, but every once in a while the realization that I'll never be attractive no matter how hard I try hits me hard. I look like a freaking gremlin.

I wish I could just get in an accident and have it all end forever. I don't deserve to be alive. ",3.640982456140353,3.74556195789474,5.490263157894738,83.90100877192985,71.52631578947368,8.438596491228072,30.570175438596486,8.344100000000001,2.051701754385965,346,14,77,5,6,120,69,95,0.232,0.63,0.139,-0.7977,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,2,14,16,7,0,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,12,2,9,11,2,10,1,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,7,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067293341515075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004244221937808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065779928404708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144182517806203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822638807494233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054200506552795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243622274841723,0.18445530882107386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055311823841424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700759784441096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650263260913693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745276215712271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409898398023911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420792291995385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363502003935106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961725798550374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602205776924103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Makky_,2018/01/17,"Stumbled across this sub, disturbed now I am not much of a fighter nor I take my problems too seriously. However, after reading threads in here. I feel I can relate my situation to many of posters in here. Reading these threads is highlighting the problems I am facing right now. It has got me thinking about how bad my life is going on right now. Is this how it all starts? Shall be staying away from reading such threads?",3.293125,5.8623440625,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,77.125,6.0,32.5,7.1686216300943375,2.1485000000000003,335,18,62,4,8,104,57,80,0.117,0.828,0.055,-0.6234,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,9,2,1,2,1,8,15,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,9,0,11,12,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,5,49,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049097848130725,0.0,0.16928838487019204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251685756790714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115227908319804,0.0,0.16215827487979476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432088317641203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055574102209181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904511026253792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880101198126243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6084167709216465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462960194019659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790030766657066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350800534975455,0.21610529396341427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524433111189201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991447663562766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,josemartinezborder,2018/01/17,I might just do it tonight it's just not worth it to keep trying anymore. goodbye,-0.5878431372549038,1.4596945294117631,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,103.70588235294115,2.266666666666667,23.31372549019608,3.1291,-0.331650980392157,65,3,14,0,3,20,14,17,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.1695,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5410405688394627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849113069073833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787440088314434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37039370883554995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,an87192,2018/01/17,"I'm too worthless to live used to be bullied when I was 12-16, alll throughout highschool people told me to kill myself, that I'm ugly, that nobody likes me. I hate myself and think they were right. it's likely that nobody will miss me, the only people that'd probably miss me are my parents and my girlfriend, but my parents still have another better son (younger brother) and my girlfriend will hopefully find a better man. 
she deserves a man and not some guy that doesn't manage to get over having been bullied. 

goodbye ",8.2107,7.238810670000002,7.786000000000001,74.86300000000004,62.3,9.2,36.0,7.554174236665415,2.8030000000000013,417,16,71,3,5,132,69,100,0.181,0.701,0.118,-0.6059,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,2,3,10,2,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,0,11,21,6,1,1,2,4,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,14,5,5,13,1,4,0,3,0,0,12,2,0,2,4,48,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173799596408256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666932242663975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947527352242385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083095977087014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526698990408565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467320939188266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590309559492626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293550023757936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255991842117327,0.0,0.18305629563746784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576666739269813,0.0,0.0,0.460380828469946,0.0,0.0,0.28744179698517197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235125174070687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703944819789466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655560147596173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283425721271358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980911732596567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904709479684422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daeboo,2018/01/17,"The only thing I can make myself care about is how to minimize the pain to the people I love Right now, rationally, I know I have everything to live for. Theres nothing wrong with my life. I could pull myself together and achieve things, make my family proud of me.

Then I look at myself again and I can't see a future for myself or with any of my relationships. People are too good for me, I'm pathetic and don't deserve the life that I have. I know my life is fucking great but I just don't want to pursue it. I don't understand how this happened or what made me slip into this, but I know that if it keeps up I'm just going to let my life slide until its basically as good as gone.

As of right now, I'm making it work. I force myself to wake up in the morning, put on makeup and a decent outfit, force myself to sit down with my readings. If I don't, I'll stop altogether. I'll stop getting out of bed. I'll stop reaching for my laptop. Everything would just stop.

I only talk to a few people and I'm not particularly close to them, I'm ashamed to confide in them because my problems are all immature and pathetic. If anything I want to finish this before Valentines day so I don't give my boyfriend any illusions about me being alive in the long run. Heaven knows I despise myself enough for being okay with this.",3.292242647058824,4.397358444852944,4.854441176470591,84.48173529411766,73.00735294117645,7.645882352941176,24.99705882352941,8.07648339933343,1.347449411764706,1035,31,216,15,20,349,139,272,0.084,0.775,0.141,0.9142,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,13,14,2,1,9,1,18,8,1,6,1,46,45,21,0,8,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,13,13,0,5,5,1,0,6,7,6,0,0,2,2,40,8,40,38,3,33,1,0,2,2,6,13,1,5,13,149,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668387824068725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480219091849502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022663348573134,0.0,0.09802920363282326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745705937579835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198016104686732,0.0,0.0,0.07429635578691783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190354166666482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707392038329486,0.0,0.10860306439833013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650324732294117,0.06018877321339116,0.11051314256167563,0.0654724768321919,0.19325349456960791,0.0,0.1270116309369274,0.0,0.0,0.10187356565069568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239765252897973,0.0,0.0,0.2532500579011928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780279551372418,0.32548493005075785,0.0,0.0,0.1017262929277954,0.10195096293671256,0.09674144196196564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397513716213064,0.10900779262944774,0.2306965399594552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105403130748524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523403061330692,0.12258403405265225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23960160729228105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023364022881388,0.0,0.11581075835970825,0.0,0.0,0.11523410002354502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368482739637532,0.0,0.19676533608897204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180181543452204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852592132299521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259574688465208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307140806972708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993030722894185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589933932168527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386910107879375,0.0,0.0,0.08183685221442825,0.1259563130565307,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluewhalesarecool-,2018/01/17,"I stumbled upon this sub down a reddit wormhole And I wanted to reach out to you all. It happens to be the birthday of a close friend of mine who killed herself just over a year ago. No one close to her understood/knew at all what she was going through or how she was feeling. We must have been pretty shitty support to her. But god, I wish we'd known, so we could have been there. Please reach out to people around you. You're all doing an amazing job supporting eachother on this subreddit, it's so commendable, But please don't be afraid to reach out further than reddit too if you need to.


A few years ago I felt super down. I was never realistically going to end my life, but I thought about it every day, and would do little things like not wear seatbelts to make it more likely that I'd die in a random scenario. I feel so far away from that emotional state now. And that's what makes me saddest when I think of my friend. This idea that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe that seems a bit naive if you've been feeling like this for a long time. But please don't give up on yourself. You're not giving up on eachother when you offer supportive advice. Please extend yourself the same courtesy.",4.557058823529413,5.648707983539097,4.843965141612202,85.79313725490198,69.98765432098766,7.363737593802954,27.46284192689421,7.5105763829236425,1.4220958121520213,972,32,193,10,17,306,148,243,0.121,0.675,0.204,0.8604,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,3,4,0,1,12,13,1,1,12,0,19,2,1,3,5,46,39,16,3,9,10,0,4,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,17,11,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,8,4,24,10,35,25,7,36,0,0,0,0,18,21,0,5,15,137,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134255114908118,0.20200495809928548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143230704845536,0.0,0.0,0.10705201693686213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439487114102818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909732091189642,0.0,0.0,0.07348299714692053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825353866761633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281691231260005,0.10091856332949428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600083153891296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283710431069696,0.08140000294354087,0.10940194035742208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606221378302095,0.0,0.0,0.21860660199397716,0.12951143504427234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075830577109987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862635719496732,0.0,0.0,0.1130695970081018,0.0,0.12605965517262616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048042172782081,0.1669985385328357,0.11419955862170007,0.0,0.10083485575107293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211399453888208,0.0,0.11446979421705444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448635762285965,0.08787889538358082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720987292261397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789928570007398,0.0,0.0,0.5002952647198318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591971397120265,0.0,0.10902685851322608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037282821718982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246337717835072,0.3878992141853755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756978301514719,0.07300926723154783,0.0,0.09045701538975888,0.0664403458041061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720579130613415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102737960795272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094094406235565,0.0,0.0,0.14674949168741286
suicidewatch,Lexi-Lynn,2018/01/17,"Seriously considering giving up. I want to just end this. I believe that when I die, it will just be like before I was born; nothingness. And that is vastly preferable to my existence lately.

My future, if I decide to pursue it, looks like this: file for bankruptcy, quit drinking, attempt to be competent in this new career (went from being a server in this company to doing tech support, for which I seem to be very unqualified), going through therapy (again), trying medications (again), all for what? A shot at a mediocre life?

Also, I'm 34 and my teeth are rotting out of my skull. It causes me great pain and is one of the factors in my love for alcohol. Then there's the chronic back pain, but the teeth have somehow dulled that for a while now.

And I'm practically addicted to eating like shit. That's another obstacle I'd need to overcome.

It just all seems hopeless, at the worst of times. At the best of times, it seems doable, but not worth the effort. I've had my shot at life. And I've failed in every way. I just want to quit.

Thank you for any advice you can provide. I'm sorry to just jump in here. I don't want to tie up the crisis line again. It's not like I have a solid plan. Story of my life, and death. ",2.4149627421758595,4.376157426229511,3.969061102831596,86.3605141579732,77.19672131147541,6.895380029806259,22.97615499254844,7.84624498591911,1.1239491803278687,948,29,193,15,22,315,139,244,0.182,0.696,0.122,-0.9706,0,0,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,2,0,9,15,17,1,0,12,0,15,16,4,1,2,30,32,13,2,6,10,0,0,4,0,1,9,0,0,0,16,7,3,0,5,1,1,3,4,8,0,1,3,1,19,9,36,24,4,32,0,3,1,1,4,13,1,5,19,132,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399141731175922,0.0,0.12541651237817314,0.0,0.13716096763885452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263684763745604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727848880054254,0.13458013310233596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868880341874936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921150085716616,0.14460001558414914,0.13468936859715835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184489530923038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320106502869786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572850050415546,0.0,0.13132820544928606,0.0,0.0,0.11367490789800727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081355632034514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231194961943094,0.07294099303776816,0.0,0.0,0.14149998497278246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477790044801167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719600108941224,0.25081006388410504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777684282049103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583569345149608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929332595112025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516563261072343,0.0,0.1239556731310311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696938307216164,0.0,0.2731346546516988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730198089318537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505193454987364,0.0,0.0,0.1317435247797182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367087637177564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564353009487407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816213867701104,0.1467728313004396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967712462046526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713731870458477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589744474282724,0.2271022857904109,0.10187368901906373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897640242526808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyNameIsSidyo,2018/01/17,"Weird spot in my life Greetings ladies and gentleman,

I don't know how to kick this off, since it is my first post on this sub.

At first I would like to explain the point in life where I am right now. 
So a 92 year old left a house behind for me after he passed away, since I always visited him, went shopping with him and took care of him as good as I could. I'm in my mid twenties and now own a complete house. Which is nothing to complain about. I have a job where I get paid above average which is also nothing to complain about. I'm about to move in this house, just a few things left to work on.
I have hobbies where I spend my spare time. Which is also nothing to complain about.

But here are my problems:
I'm fighting with suicidal thoughts for years. I never hurt myself. 
I have no driver license which (in my opinion) classifies me as a person of second grade. Worse than everybody else.
Many people make fun of it. It is hard to find a new job since they always want you to have a license.
I have a rare heart disease which makes it hard to handle stress since my hearts starts pounding at 240 beats per minute and above, which causes me to pass out or worse.
I also have psychological problems with highways. All my experiences on a highway almost ended in me dying or getting seriously injured. 
I never talked about it to anyone. I'm a huge introvert.
But you are always expected to have a license.
I like to stay at home or at familiar places to avoid stress (because of my heart)
I can live with that.
Sometimes, every now and then, I tried to talk to my brother, parents or girlfriend, but they always ""laugh it off"".

If you read to this point I'd like to thank you for reading. 
There are more points to talk about but I don't want to go further into it right now.

If anyone is up for talking, just message me.

Please don't be to harsh about spelling mistakes. English is not my native language.

Thank you.",3.0008501958224554,4.75528879373368,3.7122772519582234,89.76504773172323,74.90078328981724,6.040763707571802,25.284676892950397,6.6274283507984215,0.838394321148825,1500,51,307,12,32,475,193,383,0.077,0.81,0.113,0.9394,3,1,0,0,2,2,47.0,0,5,2,4,23,22,1,3,13,0,25,6,3,4,3,46,46,24,2,10,13,2,2,3,1,1,3,0,1,1,19,11,0,1,4,3,3,7,7,13,0,3,4,2,45,9,66,39,4,59,0,1,0,0,26,33,0,8,20,211,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778690614652757,0.0,0.0,0.18636585393615046,0.25854927262827104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863356856023892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298442485407751,0.0,0.0,0.04735398528603685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920157332549352,0.07980040653697308,0.0,0.0,0.08144768470343726,0.0,0.0,0.0620224404421384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062124146344338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648930129445193,0.0,0.06880284475207041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545010244424565,0.0,0.0,0.07598751544903272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099957948807825,0.1321518667590184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117086466093047,0.0,0.04414824619468538,0.06515564454747629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917491940000354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761592272158564,0.0,0.0,0.07792098340924188,0.0,0.0,0.2689024267044748,0.08315976461310802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417401263884162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042691778461720224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688025818688643,0.0,0.10973762961015307,0.11385392480254725,0.0,0.06859428025244363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037061488549476,0.07875695468139751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256325223941967,0.0,0.0,0.11982568511838618,0.0750253780036027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236127847388848,0.0,0.08151377681018936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625622915876371,0.0,0.0,0.053854643758647285,0.06782858101301723,0.08116074335415678,0.08527107474848117,0.2203026764165601,0.0,0.07439750424235222,0.0,0.0,0.14866160937309156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540525313870732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267933214899774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570361049994069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682909348428975,0.0,0.05498343971935398,0.08279825487582798,0.0,0.0,0.17796803173397152,0.0,0.0,0.08497106744264818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497501257221055,0.0,0.14303756973810616,0.0,0.0,0.051608206499885526,0.0,0.0,0.061670517110684005,0.04529676847171078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863071212362306,0.052740710520939205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916372463721866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201162593041407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655313349521835,0.0,0.1583283836813584,0.05518278327274498,0.0,0.0,0.10004881323021617
suicidewatch,lonelysuper8,2018/01/17,"asking for help let me break it down: i'm unhappy with my life. i think life is ultimately unfair and i think it's selfish that we have to live life based on our income and work the entire thing away. i'm 18 about to be 19. i absolutely love music.. it's my passion. right now i'm basically chasing a rap/r&b career that seems so far out of reach. i broke up with my girlfriend because i have some desire to move to LA in the future and i don't think she could handle what could possibly come. i've been depressed my entire life. i feel guilt in having this desire to go because of my family and friends, but i see no purpose in life. i'm just unhappy. 

my depression eats away at me all the time, everyday of my life. i'm just ready to end it all honestly. i feel like my long-time bestfriends are moving on to other people and it hurts. i just don't know what to do at this point. i'm slowly being pushed to do it.",1.7077380230442714,3.368006608247424,3.701825348696179,88.84793511218922,78.2783505154639,6.626561552456035,21.721043056397814,7.5105763829236425,0.7212429351121892,718,20,157,10,17,244,112,194,0.136,0.746,0.119,-0.6601,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,4,0,15,9,0,0,2,28,33,7,0,4,4,0,2,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,14,10,1,0,7,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,1,3,23,5,28,27,3,26,0,4,1,2,8,15,0,2,6,99,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429930820492945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450431584144228,0.0,0.25025196562689833,0.0,0.0,0.16236927155062564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472185031368945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126650674394569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294136236955384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627528711642106,0.0,0.0,0.117956996813725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255492366589478,0.0,0.1346785308196579,0.09514304971325613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028937060985272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756886514574144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926702527573714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257079231020206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319165354467193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618447264795233,0.5644092743366272,0.0650644950004533,0.0,0.11759942959239013,0.1178591565925073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019917830620272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830962387218135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232949691447012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258971301441781,0.15013922598901505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137340731763532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612635946842652,0.12124109030065675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847815917503721,0.2560070303642691,0.0,0.0,0.07765770141544685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695584261871523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoodGuyBuns,2018/01/17,"I'm more afraid to get help than I am of killing myself Ahead of time, I apologize for formatting as I am on mobile.    

Let me start by saying that I've tried to get help in the past, and am seeing a therapist twice a week these days, but it isn't helping. I've made quite a few attempts on my life in the past, but I apparently can't even do that right.. Medication came later in life, where I was on, then off, now back on meds. I have tried contacting hotlines but I either can't get through (online chat) or they were no help (text). My therapist's company has a crisis line that I've been in touch with more than once recently because I've started cutting again and I'm afraid if I keep doing calling they'll recommend me to a state-run facility I don't have insurance.    

I don't really have anyone to confide in, but they are people who are at least aware of my depression.    

I feel like such a god damn burden, and such a fuck up. I don't want to feel like this, anymore. I just want it all to stop..",4.118780219780221,4.1790497571428595,5.4319047619047645,84.89027472527474,70.47619047619048,9.128205128205133,27.582417582417587,9.057496981413335,1.873208791208792,779,24,175,14,13,262,125,210,0.166,0.736,0.098,-0.9455,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,3,3,8,10,4,2,9,0,22,4,0,1,1,21,38,11,1,3,8,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,2,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,5,5,22,2,29,31,6,30,0,1,1,1,13,14,2,2,17,115,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861843244879507,0.09773335962139636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747772003308173,0.0,0.08520504545333464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272506992986175,0.1598644306487994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901427856872517,0.0,0.12038730018258335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231953053298557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134805472104814,0.1997094104806465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921898115652553,0.2190787270958716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747507578726387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242377173016444,0.15463942573429856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292857350646251,0.1974532800649276,0.13657321243036707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225771284689178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525760899796073,0.14080778576022768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885494461546447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26686054951475163,0.09690182022930477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148667050219237,0.0,0.0,0.08954292162834349,0.0,0.13801014457963148,0.0,0.0,0.11936638973665115,0.0,0.11115404153398196,0.0,0.0,0.11138192831621864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786577421814827,0.0,0.0,0.11685747680487775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245772022899035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150345093888725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979499233416613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488487072835445,0.0,0.11211841965075303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__hana,2018/01/17,"A few words Though I haven't reached my breaking point yet


The mess that is my mind continues to grow colder and colder

""The cup of tea that I'm drinking now- will it be my last?""

""Will this be the last time I get to see the sky from here?""

""Will I ever be able to see you again?""



And it just won't end

The thoughts keep coming

I don't respond

I don't feel anything

Except for the dull ache in the back of my head

And what do I do?

I laugh

I laugh and laugh and laugh

until I realize
there are tears streaming down my face

the laughter starts again
",0.4905649717514145,2.4175787627118623,1.6449999999999996,100.78298022598871,83.40677966101696,4.611299435028251,18.30790960451977,5.46131890053228,-0.6857819209039548,426,10,104,2,12,134,72,118,0.09,0.759,0.151,0.8901,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,9,0,14,4,2,0,1,15,23,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,3,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,3,15,4,11,15,1,20,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,0,13,71,21,0,0.2390985232335328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967577121067121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838520056955354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059622065355843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342255270103876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117703233833448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627830291351974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089539745366823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249191099619009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453840647632275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21252175336350312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38979441698024414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414213491386319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260253879282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38106113365393424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923516537803987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349130851074365,0.18981751988321166,0.13942027167686308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwingmyselfaway_,2018/01/17,Will jumping off a 6 storey building kill me? Is it better compared to hanging my self? Done with life man...,0.91,3.4918457142857164,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,91.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,26.04761904761905,3.1291,0.27444761904761883,84,4,16,0,3,26,21,21,0.203,0.6809999999999999,0.116,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105520778488478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750434372772319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135746534656553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278821018749762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48426761884469005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_teknician,2018/01/17,"I'm dying as we speak It's fukken 1251am where I live, and I've exhausted all of my energy, time, and resources. I've already taken  a splendid mix of pills and vodka. I came here for one last rant and hopefully save somebody else in my position. The love of my life took the kid a week before Christmas. I've had to pay her to see him in the time since. She now hangs out with guys and posts her fuckery on fb. Whatevers. My issue is her childhood rapest gets to spend more time with my boy than me. My father has spoken to her numerous times to get her to see things differently, she refuses. I've spent the last four years supporting this mess. The kid is only 1 1/2 so do the math on who got the majority of the pot. I also funded her addictions. Whatevers. Don't get me wrong folks, I'm not perfect. I've had my own shortcomings and battled my own addictions. On a brighter note, I'm three months clean from a four year long addiction to meth. Which her father got me into. Again, whatever. Actually, that's how I got on meds. I have done a 180 with my life from when she left. I got into treatment. But tonight, after seeing her most recent post, I said fuck it. If I was only a money pit for this girl, lemme give you and my boy what you want. Fortunately for them I have a reasonable insurance policy on my life. Unfortunately for dad, he's gonna wake up to this mess. Damn right I'm being selfish. If anything good has come of my life, it's been my ability to be an exceptional people person. My decision came down to having to pay to see my son, and her taking the money elsewhere. I'm gassed out. I have found a new hate in life and it's myself. For allowing and supporting such bullshit. I gotta go on another journey in the stars. I love you all. Alohas.",1.2011346153846176,3.4843374083333347,3.218888888888891,88.42576923076928,83.25,6.803418803418803,21.17521367521368,7.969615865706242,1.07932905982906,1377,43,291,28,39,464,201,360,0.102,0.789,0.109,0.5432,1,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,1,3,1,1,9,17,4,0,19,0,17,14,1,3,3,39,54,18,1,4,5,4,0,0,0,2,10,2,1,7,12,21,0,1,3,1,7,7,2,9,0,4,16,6,49,8,47,34,7,47,0,0,4,3,37,19,2,4,19,177,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.09328647860695832,0.3126364674196526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549094888354532,0.0764469168430723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002392072713008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866615891420879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813439102672526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866936771035556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234622925917144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921203715868453,0.09987594508985806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782640124645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985696938827151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481447587448484,0.0,0.08837560923026372,0.14983260046785005,0.0917029907287653,0.05432857845464892,0.08018016233195037,0.3058227364303662,0.0,0.0,0.094653621156931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437981446410283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494694502310512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977586057228836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584461326430116,0.0,0.0,0.1038637443486247,0.0,0.3376062433721379,0.0,0.0,0.0844117277003786,0.08459815721696995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725556041242738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618398055784352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630264754957868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232579969278816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477733239718615,0.14540790635582673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627321560377304,0.08346946260974744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310628368957851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828710546561488,0.09438807285136824,0.0,0.0,0.08163721242945986,0.0909322957840486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047058778543943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907678899948413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695909588382806,0.0,0.0,0.07187519507014506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350876280268361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296777351519384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620904818279986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056384134796034685,0.0,0.07668017154977616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045176197211685,0.0,0.12311949550391535
suicidewatch,hola_amigo21,2018/01/17,"Yup. I am done. 4 more months. 4 months from now, May 18th, I will kill myself.

But, Why 4 months? Got one last thing to do, and it takes fucking 4 months..ah..But, I am leaving anyway, Might as well as do it and leave.


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suicidewatch,daemonlife,2018/01/17,"About to hang myself. Just need to wait for my mum to take the dogs for a walk. Scared as hell but relieved. Not looking to be talked out of it, just wondering if anyone wants to have a chat before I go.",1.0324418604651164,2.7784433488372144,2.323430232558138,97.5516569767442,80.62790697674419,5.230232558139536,17.726744186046513,5.985473137389443,-0.5364372093023255,156,3,37,1,4,50,36,43,0.105,0.8190000000000001,0.075,-0.09,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,9,3,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,11,8,0,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,2,0,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736564706856435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330288293707977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242578239338875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328653992629691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29019745151319404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918317453829531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942631107401348,0.3145700673567968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23084140342547735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244263453246945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cecinestpasencore,2018/01/17,"Stuck and trapped I feel stuck in a country with shitty government with shitty people that I can't get out of. A third-world country with one of the worst visas. I've been enduring this for years and really have had enough. 

Last night, my laptop was stolen from my studio which I consider one of the few safe spaces I can be in, it's my sanctuary. But now I'm scared of even walking past it; Every sound I hear outside my window startles me, I'm scared of the rain because that's when thieves attempt to break in, and I can't sleep afraid that I might wake up to another break in. I feel unsafe. I don't want to be here anymore.

I've been in a constant state of wanting to die and that incident last night just pushed me off the edge. I got to informing myself of the better way to od and making sure they're accessible. The only thing that's stopping me is that two of my best friends, they're my sisters, would be devastated and they're already having a tough time themselves. The rest of my family would be fine but not them.",4.326857142857143,5.018133114285714,4.981904761904765,86.06142857142858,70.23809523809524,8.095238095238095,27.380952380952376,8.192908349453996,1.5896666666666674,814,26,171,11,14,262,124,210,0.15,0.792,0.057,-0.9146,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,6,12,0,4,11,0,18,2,2,1,1,26,30,9,2,4,4,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,11,10,0,2,3,0,1,2,4,6,0,3,7,4,22,6,28,16,5,26,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,11,112,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566538652159647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692009386862286,0.0,0.0,0.157869447267316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703812972400556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705557894081902,0.14078682210786378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202319794307155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520963210137335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448138876821125,0.0,0.10514065842292837,0.0,0.13412082410953724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006611777354995,0.0,0.16097815331568613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298648266164633,0.0,0.08316796196982014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731535210058276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941386150699035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595151955321204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625769578818132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887087964488792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29877000572264256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573671018831034,0.1210679036620016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519607699535498,0.11035932616283267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197844034478593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187453265613849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930066941622242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308637925229702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003064534101992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575591065691876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282246612371632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550130554390568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778370917044976,0.12635420505101172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616191855477374,0.0,0.0,0.10251037645852856
suicidewatch,Throwawaymine32555,2018/01/17,"Feel so down I feel like there is nothing left for me to do. Everything I do doesn't work. I am acting again, trying to be clean, cooking and playing my piano but I still feel myself losing. This one girl I have been head over heels in love with recently said I was someone she would regret not being with. What?!?!?! That kills me. I feel so close to the edge. I feel cold inside. I'm not doing well.",-0.12638580931263732,2.1720536341463443,1.5636141906873604,97.12961197339249,91.92682926829269,3.9574279379157424,14.771618625277162,5.565023196281405,-0.8794536585365855,306,6,67,2,11,99,63,82,0.171,0.708,0.121,-0.7618,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,1,0,12,4,2,0,0,14,20,4,1,2,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,4,1,0,5,2,0,1,3,3,1,1,3,7,13,4,9,14,0,9,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902460948303047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598578245617258,0.1582036290727247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272711642858093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450011573316315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24060562403388835,0.0,0.0,0.10818908227010196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477454430422791,0.0,0.0,0.19986689807517632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124868510832448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500599711903412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186547511086364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064926851199964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763351628245992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768499260934359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034973311888494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991097735784108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121793665762196,0.0,0.0,0.1573114327786786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AffluentLuna,2018/01/17,"I don’t like myself, one can even say that I hate myself As I reflect upon my life and how I lived it, I feel that I have been a bully. 

I have, in many cases, picked on the smaller and weaker people in my life, tormenting them simply because of size. They were outsiders too, seeking friendship where they could find it. 

I despise myself for ever being in their lives. 

With being a cunt behind me, I have spent the majority of my life with other people, but not really connecting with anyone.

This all of course being my fault.

I Never fully became a part of a group, simply because of my awkwardness, or as people from the past would know about me and how I acted; some mistakingly giving me another chance, but when I would genuinely get comfortable with them, would drift away. 

Somewhere along the line, I started having suicidal thoughts.

I am afraid that in the years since me being in high school, that I have started to alter the nature of my self. I feel I have started to lie about the things that happened in school to create a new identity for myself, one that fits a narrative in my head. I feel that I am trying to make myself not an asshole anymore. That I am hiding my identity under layers of falsehoods. That I am trying to make my face become one of those masks that can be seen in theatres. I feel this and can’t help but think that I am somehow a hypocrite. 
But most of all I feel that like what happens so often when I don’t react to anything, I am going to breakdown. 

I feel that I have acted for too long, and that my identity is a facade. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

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suicidewatch,flickersout,2018/01/17,"Burden They say when you want to harm yourself to reach out to someone you trust. So what when you do but they are tired of hearing that you are going to harm yourself. So another friend ask you if you are okay ... remembering what your other friend asking of you  about stopping that type of talk...you tell the other you aren't going to burden them and to just leave you alone, and they say okay. Am  I a bad friend for pushing them away. Am I bad friend for placing that type of burden on them to begin with. 😔 Are they bad friends because it feels like they don't care in the end. ",2.05516178736518,4.063537305084747,2.593636363636364,95.57393682588601,78.4915254237288,4.968875192604006,20.049306625577813,5.565023196281405,-0.2878406779661016,454,11,99,2,11,140,64,118,0.218,0.531,0.251,0.6538,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,10,8,0,7,18,0,0,3,2,9,1,0,0,0,11,18,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,0,4,20,10,19,18,0,13,0,0,0,0,29,5,0,1,6,68,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608093128093406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802328448284875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817704442675741,0.0,0.14158868119745496,0.0,0.3774874696993029,0.09186601579034104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536498552717395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133476478996116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619902411794094,0.10766092406313453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821566321572615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712938608034214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985113667261734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595707470448819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362496447782059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745061551825268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071501345212686,0.0,0.0,0.23968718942386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768858632755334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599290044690858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112786735181034,0.13171943821347426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320879064963082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888743652050088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProgrammaticallyFeel,2018/01/17,"Ready to throw in the towel. Only so much you can take. I started another acct for this.
I could write a wall of text but my situation is horrible. 46 years old, virgin(some by choice) unemployed long term many reasons, forever alone, with with mentally ill mom, codependent, lost. Went to party city to check out helium the other day. Talked to a girl about my intention with it, and she started to cry, she thought I was younger. She don't think it is over for me, but what does she know the pain I bear inside. She told me there is nothing to be ashamed about being a virgin, she is one too. Told me she is asexual though and gave me her number if I want to talk.

 I work out every day and take very good care of myself, but I'm starting to think about doing very self destructive risky things. I hate myself and wish I wasn't born. I always had hope, went to school but life fucked me over and I am a prolapsed ass now. Hope I can get the courage to buy the helium again, she said she won't sell it to me and made me leave.",2.291584263689529,4.016949612440193,3.391921850079747,91.42484183944711,76.79904306220095,7.132482721956407,21.65895800106326,7.984000788550335,0.8194878256246678,795,21,176,13,18,256,130,209,0.192,0.665,0.14400000000000002,-0.9444,3,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,2,9,11,3,1,9,0,17,6,1,3,0,29,43,13,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,7,11,0,0,5,0,3,3,3,6,0,1,12,1,33,5,27,27,2,21,0,1,0,3,21,6,2,3,12,112,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440643573515929,0.0,0.0,0.10798213061140846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360790601144836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231295603385632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361375526730414,0.0,0.14255033720791274,0.16738662637991636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356585649723315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933995580526434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997371256688218,0.0678014122457767,0.0,0.0,0.1088480388759257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281246809074829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577891703496115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132024238203508,0.0,0.0,0.13741163114471472,0.0,0.0,0.09166301597441982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484565805019653,0.0,0.0,0.14166334485020932,0.0,0.0,0.12279503122397845,0.0,0.13157018282067354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078138618956428,0.0,0.0,0.15198941187236584,0.0,0.0,0.09539861581586513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452138391313484,0.0,0.13617568836563199,0.0,0.08793803092910463,0.09869876153630004,0.1380883873158099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342899746737422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344452516324232,0.0,0.0,0.13133793246052627,0.0,0.0,0.13538229207454902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587109806624274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755635198916703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514737310758426,0.2086144000467879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621589282756817,0.16630751889344658,0.1275020205487714,0.1030258374479112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480087006979724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415381924420565,0.07654390210455603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406030763176891,0.0,0.0,0.14923337294017114,0.0,0.0,0.09447681342109254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835700205838468
suicidewatch,killmeforever22,2018/01/17,I'm suicidal. I spend all my money trying to fix my health and it's embarrassing. I wanted someone to hit me this morning so I could die. ,-0.2643103448275852,2.0155679999999982,3.106465517241382,85.70383620689658,93.13793103448276,5.658620689655173,21.043103448275854,7.1686216300943375,0.9799586206896556,108,4,22,2,4,39,24,29,0.349,0.6509999999999999,0.0,-0.9058,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383707804482712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398387454641297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504808674355369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590853891836988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635697370359755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877332019370513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499689334380069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gjurovich,2018/01/17,"Debating to kill myself. I was the happiest I had ever been back 2 years ago, why? Because I was with the one person that I thought could be the one for me.. after a while she got pregnant and our relationship took a wrong turn. We were happy before this ever happened but me being selfish and controlling got the better of me by not being a mature individual when she was pregnant. I put her through hell during her pregnancy and i didn’t even give my last name. I did so much wrong to this girl and after not being with her for 13 months while texting this right in this moment I still feel the pain, misery, sadness, guilt. The things I put this girl through who never let me down for a second & always put me first. I took her for granted. And now I see the kid mainly during the weekdays Mon-Fri for at least 5 hours. Whenever I head over to her house, the thoughts, feelings, negative forces just seem to collide very slowly or all at once. Every night I think about what could I have done,  when I’m not sad or depressed I find myself way more mature than the person I was 2 years ago. I know I should focus on my son when I go there but it’s just so hard to build a bond with him because I want us to be a family. (Not marriage) but take baby steps into working things out and see where it takes us.. but I understand that she doesn’t want to. Recently, she texted me stating that she’s dating someone and it seriously breaks me every time because 1: she has a child, 2: how can you have time to date other people when you can’t even work things out with me? (The biological father) before I got on reddit I was trying to sleep but I failed to because I kept thinking how I failed them (ex and son) she says “whether you’re here or not our son is happy with or without you.” I asked her, “do you not appreciate that I’m the father of your own son and that don’t you think I should be in his life?” She said “I can really care less if you were in his life, it doesn’t matter to me.” Basically what I’m trying to get at is that she doesn’t give one single fuck about me anymore and I even asked her “do you even want me in the picture at all” (whether visiting or growing a bond with him) and she says “no, I’d rather want you gone and away from us because we’re fine without you.” Like do you know how much what you just said can destroy a persons will. I feel like she just says this without thinking or is just a cold-hearted person. I know this is long and you’re probably tired of reading it but I haven’t been the same person ever since we broke up. I know I have my rights as a father but knowing the system and the cost of going to court isn’t worth It in my reality. I also googled “fastest methods of killing your self” and I felt like I needed to just end it all because I failed. Like how can someone date around and not give a crap about the biological father into raising their kid. All my friends that have kids (I’m only 20 and they’re roughly the same age) have at least one kid and yet the parents are still together. She says that we’ll never be together and that I’m not worth another chance because I always mess it up and also I’m not really a good father figure. (This is what stresses me out the most). Before she was pregnant she lived in a house where they had many babies and adolescents in the home and she was very skillful and basically taking care of them and being “babyish” to them (loving, cute) she has very good experience and babysat before. As for me, i never grew up in a home that made me had to take care of any babies or adolescents until now. She points this out that I can’t talk to him like he’s a baby and I talk to him like he’s an adult. (Idk man it’s just how I am. Idk if I’m awkward with the kid or something. I’m just there, I do my best and try to adapt as much as I can) but she doesn’t see that. I ask her for guidance a lot but she’s always moody. This suicide story is not because one girl. It’s about me wanting to take my life because I feel like I have nothing to live for. My own baby mama doesn’t want me, she constantly try’s to put me down and is just cold.. so cold. I hate it. I hate it so much. I just don’t want to be alive to bear life and what it comes with anymore.. I tried going back to school, it failed. I tried working jobs from fast food to warehouse, that failed, I tried dating. It failed. I honestly don’t really want anyone else because I have a son. And that I feel like I have to work things out with the mom and be in unity.. but that’s not how life goes.. if you made it this far I humbly appreciate the time you spent in touching into someone’s life. <3 ",2.135114572605559,3.603562794026778,3.5320904994850686,91.35745603759014,76.56951596292481,6.173228630278064,22.12720133882595,6.742157984588678,0.3801469515962923,3607,97,804,32,80,1184,340,971,0.152,0.753,0.094,-0.9971,2,0,2,0,0,2,100.0,8,15,5,15,51,50,8,3,43,0,74,14,3,9,10,160,150,77,3,17,48,13,9,8,1,4,8,6,2,17,53,52,1,2,21,1,4,15,32,28,0,7,32,20,149,22,104,101,21,104,1,10,3,2,115,39,3,14,54,568,202,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021486876799543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236567159357604,0.11294372213811632,0.04902351529385887,0.0,0.030768513468152986,0.04744388559898285,0.0,0.0,0.08974282031760987,0.031636728163042936,0.04635939466388393,0.0,0.040278116315975936,0.12689539487887588,0.0,0.042509666944506516,0.06958204292663732,0.0,0.27581256508209995,0.0,0.15400246182906094,0.0,0.04748239467309531,0.04001599643951211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839250676891002,0.0,0.0,0.0389750197236276,0.0,0.0488943465967966,0.050746711728593366,0.07224975168475264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03896991063146902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046301888409143406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037796836418351916,0.0,0.0400741119916039,0.0,0.0,0.11953698933203942,0.12278152283813445,0.07624262469565174,0.0,0.0,0.044258812481392865,0.04265346105984988,0.0,0.11438750291885312,0.09697025184829366,0.04344280641082797,0.0,0.041353596788255065,0.038485826621587886,0.054711077198686515,0.0,0.03495658598306884,0.04182876549205808,0.02363892316225461,0.1302109120669126,0.07714223599099733,0.07589961158988645,0.1085609562047409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040010474746574654,0.09632942084333918,0.04053110977137581,0.08934119177876082,0.046434969429007114,0.0,0.0,0.05361617356977087,0.0,0.0,0.0907699158919996,0.0,0.044557735251799666,0.10441453887941564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489920926196859,0.0,0.1001149555115472,0.0,0.12432880626961555,0.0368811476277813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462666222083449,0.1917495450022692,0.1768374529536636,0.0,0.07990526783377429,0.04004087225095033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038466133526832265,0.040835859362783146,0.08562483321993318,0.0,0.04587186813849035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299102053661019,0.03611455217761062,0.0,0.1330426888975106,0.03354898886230648,0.10468843131868556,0.0,0.0,0.04245986700399599,0.0,0.043414308476495696,0.0,0.0,0.04818501519611405,0.1532977180945489,0.03441126612095926,0.04814443636550378,0.0,0.05023980912035952,0.0,0.0,0.03136755512114227,0.19753326781342387,0.0,0.0,0.04277165262851354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878233634472561,0.0,0.0,0.18193702726065814,0.0,0.0,0.045257776337632505,0.0,0.08695633961999946,0.0,0.04467450463917322,0.0485767689730739,0.0,0.07727887465510863,0.08607772459243007,0.14392425308438114,0.0,0.0457908941847617,0.10816449374296257,0.04118983326072057,0.047200957824879534,0.0,0.0,0.03742757183496373,0.0,0.045278208036314466,0.0,0.11500917795461595,0.034832221225859966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226628100821161,0.0,0.05182860432829616,0.0,0.0,0.049491268638864584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009504689533075,0.07273328991097881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023648466366635,0.11596604053545426,0.0,0.07183979726940888,0.07914910113677241,0.05200308343933435,0.0,0.0,0.10053890226652472,0.21503122484023385,0.04921414651073122,0.0,0.04710219474584328,0.1632744130984481,0.0,0.0,0.11199690781512753,0.21349589755796824,0.0359137974970759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082705536690998,0.0,0.0,0.1308452355069065,0.0,0.13175714541049166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893777351427296,0.0,0.05827327867710143
suicidewatch,1900goku,2018/01/17,"Everything i mess up It feels like my life is just spiralling downwards. I'm so weak and cry so easily. Perhaps life would be easier if I didn't feel anything at all. Had no emotions. Why do I even exist? How did it get so bad so fast? One day I'm on cloud nine, the next I'm suicidal. Why. The pain and anxiety I feel are so great that the thought of ever being happy terrifies me again, because I know that misery will soon follow.",0.2972424242424232,2.5997483000000017,2.547575757575757,91.37045454545456,88.22222222222223,5.9393939393939394,20.404040404040398,7.348242739294969,0.7522222222222221,337,11,72,6,11,114,68,90,0.28600000000000003,0.565,0.149,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,1,2,13,20,9,1,2,2,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,4,3,7,3,4,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,7,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760157153016294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953350180228968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201464056264196,0.12558535809428506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22629875206945455,0.13286318855788892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317401172293191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360715347242095,0.18635314298073974,0.0,0.0,0.18515377394964647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125034316975188,0.14717777390158635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763478558024916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271332165821972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930771732652574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322093068643875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910301937157713,0.10064894454253973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910020781283107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960168070087767,0.0,0.21921540374382706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253479167166355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355358326068292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717945458113829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463477584006108,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galbazeek,2018/01/17,On the verge Im having a constant panic attack that has been lasting for hours. I live alone and there`s no one to reach out to. Im afraid that i couldn`t hold for much longer. Help me.,-0.018461538461536968,2.266939461538464,1.0673846153846152,101.30261538461541,90.28205128205127,3.12,18.056410256410253,3.1291,-1.007506666666667,145,4,33,0,5,45,32,39,0.25,0.66,0.09,-0.7783,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,6,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824971321750633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31030391237723737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947566939229745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828252993613574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686136873823389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5892552790489269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223358302033676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24085210472222784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051000708445046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482925620871596,0.0,0.0,0.3200251271511125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,milk_teh,2018/01/17,"I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's not news that everyone has suicidal thoughts once in a while. For me, whenever I used to have them, I would be able to talk myself out of it or remind myself that there are other people out there who need me.

Yesterday was different. I had a panic attack during class and thought to myself that should I not get exam entrance for this module, I'd have no choice but to end it all. I envisioned myself going up to the highest building on campus and taking the step to ultimate relief. While I was imagining this, I was able to be in the exact emotional predicament needed to leave - I didn't care about anything else other than relief from this miserable existence. That scared me. It never got to this extent before, and I think I'm on the brink of it. 

I wrote the last test for this module about 2 hours ago and I didn't feel 100%. We should be getting our results on Friday and if I didn't make it, I think I'm very likely going to not make it past the day either. 

I'm unsure if help can remedy the situation or if I just wanted an outlet to express these emotions that I am unable to, to anyone else. 

Thanks for reading ",4.6939240506329085,5.076892907172997,5.907021097046415,80.85369620253165,69.29535864978902,8.51409282700422,26.34852320675105,8.447377352677275,1.7127515611814341,917,25,180,13,15,308,134,237,0.102,0.8240000000000001,0.075,-0.5175,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,1,0,5,9,1,3,10,0,22,0,0,4,3,42,46,14,1,10,12,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,22,8,0,0,7,1,0,3,9,4,0,0,11,1,27,5,31,29,3,22,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,6,11,136,49,5,0.28124762808467785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465452639311415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946103678396085,0.09832744044493852,0.14408571563988187,0.11572141703136155,0.0,0.0,0.15997988958610027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966050831672373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337535050207814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906907265394328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146921955421129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349463043573541,0.31636572669943475,0.1245509598821684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437208061861342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110362565265309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694027760647566,0.0,0.15983950839465505,0.0,0.11246971031954868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425717832979932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384861303214885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728317056721888,0.11462717725494555,0.0,0.14890031459500108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870169235787188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877349756701459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854155254903306,0.10845775457259968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975977249028685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499174668533226,0.0,0.0,0.1342413424196397,0.097490846467506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066186884354734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407889698790882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806705889043102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538196283937203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057316073102484,0.1130280949918296,0.0,0.12946751456492375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021212379517526,0.0,0.22327920103432186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145382482557045,0.0,0.11602937390212953,0.08294356895956065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989512280134652,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mingzi6,2018/01/17,"I don't want to live in this competitive country I'm 18. I study in Grade 12 in Singapore. Sorry if my English is not good enough to understand. I have a lot of pressure when I'm in school. People care so much about GPA and academic result. When I come back home I have to read a lot of books because if I got bad score, my  teachers and my parents would get upset and angry. I once failed a math exam, my friends looked at me and asked me what's wrong? Everyone in class need to be perfect. After finish school we have to go to extra class until 7 p.m. So I feel like I don't want to do that anymore but I can't escape it either! Sometimes I feel tired but I can't rest. My parents have a high expectation and I think they will be mad at me if I tell them I don't want to study hard like other friends. I envy people in other countries that they don't have to study hard and be perfect in everything like us. When I tell people here that I want to write a novel, singing or drawing, they immedietly think that I'm stupid and crazy. I'm so tired! I feel like I have no choice. Do you believe in reincarnation? I just want to escape from here.. ",1.4605922293474158,3.2366527676348578,3.224181440965676,91.45804507732932,79.41493775933608,5.87559411542814,21.742927197284047,6.7829847944221076,0.3783427385892115,891,26,199,9,22,297,123,241,0.212,0.659,0.129,-0.8988,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,4,3,11,17,2,2,5,0,20,2,0,1,2,38,43,20,0,11,9,2,5,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,9,9,0,0,6,4,0,2,8,7,0,0,1,6,36,10,27,37,7,20,0,1,1,0,15,11,0,6,11,129,45,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585605441461395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092128203832564,0.0,0.0,0.08982892361815624,0.09754150837776898,0.07121362006519356,0.0,0.0,0.13161841369154725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910783680186655,0.0,0.0,0.10063182748058104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070837680867955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116284479375489,0.10499210028758033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720617269147235,0.16691535114785794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805128081988238,0.0,0.061034684635415726,0.0,0.06639264704041717,0.09798476913568148,0.09343324256912514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092991703420212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342887979556022,0.11718201275127382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282933553841205,0.0,0.10315598535237357,0.0,0.09810107576690497,0.0,0.0,0.198635810340362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587762759085005,0.08662204877071276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441164034677775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25943406006757913,0.0,0.0,0.2429690415416119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685363529918592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364602453806579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553996649478945,0.13077268882258936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421519203669106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970966875092226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685394572335719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161584443655693,0.14052250806991914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445232754725337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298701235783718,0.12772654159255467,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thehunted666,2018/01/17,"I don’t know anymore I don’t really know how to start this or what to say because I have so much on my mind and it never stops racing. But if anyone reads this I am from Australia I am 19 year old male a young duck to many people out there. This is just a back so if the person I have left the responsibility to find my body fails to do so and at the same time I can let people know my story.
I was never a mentally strong person this is not my first attempt but I beg this will be my last.


reason why I am here is because on Sunday the 21st at 8:33 pm a train will run my skill over crushing. You can guess the rest I have been to the location many l of times scouting it out seeing when the trains run. the girl that I have asked to report my body to my parents. I believe she won’t so I just want someone out there to know I guess. The reason why I am ending it is because I just don’t fit in anymore I have goon from town to town traveling at my own expenses been working from the age of 12 I have spent so long looking for place to fit in after 6 years of traveling around Australia I still haven’t found what I am looking for and I don’t believe I will ever find it now so this is just me giving up I have returned to my home town and will soon start a new journey just not in this world 

Thanks for letting me share ",2.647500000000001,3.2139898611111133,4.079472222222221,91.46275,74.0,6.732222222222222,23.427777777777766,6.508806274219699,0.4148327777777774,1032,26,243,7,20,343,139,288,0.026,0.901,0.07200000000000001,0.9069,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,6,22,4,0,0,15,0,36,2,2,3,3,39,53,17,0,3,12,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,14,8,0,1,9,3,2,5,10,1,0,1,5,4,38,3,36,40,4,53,0,1,3,0,11,22,0,5,26,178,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144867817268941,0.07561228835960876,0.0,0.0,0.0962653448160015,0.10109401051882896,0.0,0.0,0.08315110000163696,0.0,0.19775893793486266,0.0,0.0,0.24366797325645845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402328774341477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577777120467452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978166037716668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197671520831488,0.09198174366427644,0.0,0.11856724057525254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373539029311213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382514028099413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847077832183716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377182748510844,0.0881465350997559,0.0,0.0,0.1174917630459452,0.2211559401347381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569832769071998,0.18161661150559172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926900300222896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897721484555598,0.0,0.10918809761586397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949354074489663,0.0,0.16680468801933962,0.10443991836190822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347216664497416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007395059195487,0.0,0.0,0.1499379209337054,0.18884307289363936,0.11298072246557535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081668122354471,0.0,0.06927568270396292,0.22236682065065105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599531903294344,0.0,0.0,0.08617162568154915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162459407611884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530806270718284,0.0,0.08635878606202628,0.09040783277455564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995585260857746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611174850772658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378232795815877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515463592614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872542335031057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927407184096846
suicidewatch,ChuckedSum,2018/01/17,"I'm so very close to just killing myself. Whenever I think of the future I just become numb and frightened. What am I living for? What's the point? Why am I still here?  I can't say that I'm doing bad; but I'm also not at a place in my life where I want to be (obviously). Back in high school I kept thinking ""I'll just graduate and then kill myself"". (I've always had suicidal thoughts ever since I was around 15.) I gave up my future because I didn't want to be a part of it. I saw more negativity than I did positives when thinking about it. Now as I'm 21 years of age, I can't stop thinking about how much I regret it. I regret not going to a university and trying to see how better life could be. Yeah, there's always the opportunity to go back and try, but I just can't find the motivation at this point anymore. It's a hopeless cause for me and my suicidal thoughts have gotten worse as the days progress. Just today I found myself thinking about suicide and I started crying at work. I kept thinking ""I should call suicide hotline"" or "" I need to talk to a friend"" but it just doesn't feel right. I'm scared that they'd call the cops to try to help or w.e. 
I have family and friends that love me but I don't feel comfortable talking to any of them which is why I'm here. I'm so very pessimistic that I just think they'd be like "" shut the fuck up"" or just guilt trip me about my mother; who'm I love so very much and I don't want to hurt her, but this pain is getting close to unbearable that I almost don't care about how it'll hurt her at this point. I think I'm dangerously close to ending it all and I don't even know what I want to hear. Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent.",1.7876666666666663,3.227711322222227,3.4138888888888914,91.96,77.44444444444444,6.355555555555558,21.722222222222214,7.03164865440522,0.3744555555555555,1316,35,305,14,30,437,167,360,0.235,0.611,0.154,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,5,41.0,0,0,3,5,33,24,4,2,12,1,28,7,0,5,3,69,72,28,6,10,19,1,2,1,2,2,4,2,0,0,19,13,0,3,16,1,0,3,12,14,0,0,12,6,46,10,40,51,5,39,0,5,2,3,18,20,1,4,17,195,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259140190143742,0.0,0.0,0.06595890364954564,0.1372592634468667,0.0,0.0,0.05608895407434613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179759695746651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342432771691394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684343733898376,0.06886701803562949,0.05027879657569352,0.09109223441761533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294650061200132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844177992218431,0.0,0.08409344577132292,0.08472926581985489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585324650674887,0.0,0.09059996398697362,0.0531925164785918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730524413990223,0.0,0.0,0.054476995709998144,0.07460751722454279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775442323445611,0.0,0.08340832461126796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538485710290321,0.0,0.0,0.090434620528575,0.12744706355928986,0.0762510580531948,0.043092185034777616,0.0,0.09375011104929093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929604998697543,0.0,0.05528433504558376,0.08714422231485294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659222821517864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182502906669656,0.0,0.04532862929626191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651555666413176,0.04029536472248113,0.0,0.07283099494660007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888211240730406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126398753751595,0.1223151516556914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776410608965708,0.0,0.0,0.08931736560422061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617362362189553,0.0,0.2339096358146476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825019168097262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704371248863544,0.0,0.06559108575224103,0.08257646493813392,0.08347375519492456,0.06572555986824445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822797467737361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837948303574921,0.0,0.06586831243551611,0.06895663599920453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608771670610108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258795104662832,0.0,0.07593613112077845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227967612741032,0.0,0.13095917337458854,0.0,0.0,0.078181013547106,0.0,0.0,0.16799469608665146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041629156187036,0.19459441232974556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885001420920868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004612869537205,0.0,0.08405375542510762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311415604891944
suicidewatch,Archchinook,2018/01/17,"I have accepted my mortality, & feel empty. I turned 18 last year.  I had a sad birthday party only attended by sympathetic siblings.  I was waiting for people I invited, soon my sister told me none were coming.  I didn't cry or anything, I just drank mlre alcohol and hugged my only friend buzz, my dog.  Me and my childhood dog made it to 18 because I once said I probably would kill myself before 18.  I remember telling my 16 year old pal, ""We made it my boy.  We did it.""  He kept me going when I would sit alone n cry myself asleep with him curled up next to me comforting me.  He did this since I was 10.  

Buzz died in september, and I went downhill.  Drugs & alcohol are now my only comfort, the last comfort was my best friend besides my elderly parents whom I live with and will choose to care for em.  Their over the age of 70.  I know I might have another 10 years at best with em and I will be content with that.
When they leave, I see no future for myself.  Me, an awkward autistic kid overwhelmed with shyness and depression.  
I plan once they pass away, I'll make sure all the preparations are done, the cremations, etc.  
And then after i spread their ashes in the mountains I'm going to join em by jumping off the cliff.

No one will probably deter me but this has been my plan for a long time.  I honestly wish I had friends or siblings that would text me and see how I am doing or how I am holding up.  I try to tell siblings, they never reply.
No idea why I'm posting this but tonight just has been hard.
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suicidewatch,Moonshadow95,2018/01/17,"Can't do it anymore. Tomorrow is the day that I decided for myself, to end it all. When I planned it I still had a little hope that maybe it'll get better till the time comes but nah its just getting worst. What hurts me the most is that the only person I care about doesn't even care.. I poured my heart out in front of them last night and all they said was "" you are just over thinking "". I can't even describe what I felt when everything I said, all my pain and all my emotions were labelled as "" overthinking"" by the only person I have. When it'll all end they'll cry as if they cared but when I was Crying for help by showing what I feel they just said I'm overthinking everything.",4.204311424100158,4.476905612676057,4.606995305164318,90.1346400625978,70.33802816901408,8.001251956181534,25.63693270735525,7.793537801064563,1.072974021909232,535,14,121,6,9,169,84,142,0.158,0.741,0.1,-0.8967,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,5,2,11,8,0,0,6,0,15,2,1,0,5,21,29,12,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,2,12,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,8,5,22,5,13,18,7,19,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,3,13,87,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709844536887456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226339404818125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228393416112851,0.0,0.0,0.11908283232953065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037036459530442,0.08915434665232554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555031078883928,0.2448819163089745,0.0,0.0,0.1826144458520269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484851361142945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989906831232083,0.0,0.13273354236710527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444509813384346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381687174591572,0.09266037964345936,0.0,0.0,0.13730502581729698,0.0,0.0,0.1479904108009163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268529304726088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855432456769756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888219195037727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973030569387525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027781706264906,0.14709872846677371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141433335845244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944980394224345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110399859774319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857958673867816,0.0,0.0,0.08060974445117462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nikalumoglich,2018/01/17,"I should kill myself before my son gets old enough to miss me Not long ago I attended the funeral of my best friend's father. He has done everything right in life: good job, nice house, fancy car, raised two beautiful young men, but despite all that he struggled with depression for years until he couldn't stand life anymore. 

It's pretty obvious I'm following the same path, maybe even faster, and after witnessing how painful is to a son to bury his father, I just don't want to put my own son through all this.

I regret having listened to my mother when she said having a baby would fix things up and make me have a purpose in life. It just didn't work out, nothing has. Pill, psicotherapy, job changing, nothing works. Life sucks hard and not even the love of who you love can fix that and make life bearable.

My friend and I had a conversation about how it was to be raised by a depressed father who lived just to work and care for the family while being consumed by his own despair for life, and I don't think I'm strong enough to live for another 20 years like this, neither I want to.

My wife is a wonderful woman who loves me and tried anything she could to help me, but unfortunately there's nothing that can be done. After the funeral she won't let me spend any time alone and I can't talk to her until she eases the surveillance even slightly so I can do what should be done.

I just wanted to say that to someone without ruining my chances of success.",6.456258620689657,6.065922996551727,6.411853448275862,81.37536637931036,65.58620689655173,9.594827586206897,31.228448275862068,9.017664075816787,2.3507758620689656,1159,38,234,17,16,367,163,290,0.17,0.6779999999999999,0.152,-0.4331,2,1,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,6,13,22,2,1,12,0,31,11,0,4,3,39,50,18,3,9,9,8,1,1,2,4,8,3,0,2,14,11,0,0,2,0,1,4,10,10,0,1,7,4,31,12,34,32,9,24,0,6,0,3,35,5,1,1,15,158,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512697089228058,0.0,0.0,0.09946065426477192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530535773804662,0.10069839495923244,0.0,0.0,0.09523838373486693,0.0,0.0,0.07902652221529229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171654013035441,0.0,0.10078012945263523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791148097077952,0.0,0.1015895965437214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667409550255799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542521350223433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948236081963441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845437976641184,0.0,0.1902855786160566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630777206112855,0.0,0.0905308453124482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483888622235824,0.0,0.05017299049078512,0.0,0.0,0.0805474611600381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602621071958552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436852562228784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080855143735263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905947731952154,0.0,0.1062456753293822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981996844850624,0.4069833482674443,0.04691660331013886,0.0,0.1695968219732231,0.08498569452171538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26001910105154,0.0,0.12820480949834412,0.0,0.09647750166182684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764371716178645,0.0,0.10076989978730944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218529547097366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769952391186344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653913458763574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201118588600577,0.09134884926442864,0.07636885711577478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136798155966424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039396553731107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718724406393396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379969130011111,0.06153371506289468,0.0,0.0,0.05599729270565068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519972846163348,0.0,0.09380974764285094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992727784923214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257185295331104,0.10414309339414288,0.2097382976711412,0.0,0.0,0.06821869575897534,0.0,0.0,0.1236834959386628
suicidewatch,Lucy255,2018/01/17,"Why does no one care when others cry at work? I just cried, by myself and my desk. Others saw me. They looked away. I know how loneliness feel and so im the first there when someone needs me. It just shows me how little people will care when my desk is empty one morning.",0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,1.4371428571428595,99.00785714285715,89.0,3.9142857142857146,13.357142857142858,5.288315135182226,-1.2415071428571431,210,3,47,1,7,66,42,56,0.193,0.7090000000000001,0.099,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,9,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,9,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,9,2,3,7,0,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,33,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115723651823408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591901416813339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947188204492538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970643060902622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138622637125656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154554598031492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24324263261229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375791904979355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256984166363029,0.0,0.0,0.1891019436253855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697470089192185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30518762555029416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611761521517042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908018069497745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319793798158164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394018636138558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whogivesanymore111,2018/01/17,"Too scared to die, too worthless to live I know I'm supposed to die. I tried therapy, and it was not helpful. I tried meds and they were not helpful. I am a fucking monster to anyone who has ever known me. I am supposed to die, this is something I know as a fact, but I just can't bring myself to end it. I've tried before, couldn't jump off the bridge, couldn't keep the chair far enough away from me, and tonight, can't drag the knife across my throat. My own mother wants me to die, and noone else in my life cares enough about me to give a shit one way or the other. Everything inside me is screaming that i am meant for death, but I just am too much of a pussy to do it. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've just been trying to drink myself dead, honestly, like maybe if I get just fucked up enough, I'll have the balls to finally off myself and rid the world of me.  i guess there's always the hope i'll be drunk enough tomorrow. thanks for reading, I hope you don't think i'm worth giving a shit about because i'm not, this post was mostly for me.",4.325465233456498,3.6767618689956367,4.8319650655021835,91.79468592542828,70.04803493449782,7.919516291568692,25.038965401410817,6.67199483983844,0.5997246221027885,824,17,200,5,13,263,124,229,0.217,0.674,0.109,-0.9813,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,0,12,13,4,1,12,0,21,8,3,0,2,33,42,10,6,6,12,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,5,2,1,6,4,1,2,9,7,0,1,5,1,28,6,28,34,7,20,0,1,0,2,8,10,4,6,7,129,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976670832655782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543380620869553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135896359959318,0.0,0.0,0.06576404322565442,0.0,0.09179988367796854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999318558418032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478591422860618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568357389742376,0.0,0.0,0.09012181092147073,0.0,0.09555168860639383,0.4458849811526153,0.0,0.0,0.09758570852679384,0.0,0.0,0.09695764680048087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817977647259613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994708791513282,0.056364044335242225,0.20698104760797387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884450621994082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462245110285568,0.0,0.0,0.21430291413488775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589073707327288,0.0,0.0,0.17786785719371104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620045254449744,0.052705838004958386,0.0,0.09526203938920667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083822616078534,0.0,0.11983290490521112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930589693138869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310383235196836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198363556993696,0.0,0.10332141329438543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791148541325922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800899344194914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147924266549665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305305821223727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932351904838632,0.12337280171699375,0.0,0.0,0.06912661593400837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929799758563091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363177032617594,0.08563194103546594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaywdwd,2018/01/17,Tomorrow is the day I've had in mind for a long long time 18th birthday. I have a psychiatrist apointment today. I don't know how that will go. I've talked to school counselors but it was very disappointing. Method time and location I've thought out many times. ,1.6069747899159663,4.349347960784313,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,89.0,6.0515406162464975,22.97198879551821,7.447530270364453,1.138269467787115,210,8,43,4,7,65,42,51,0.101,0.899,0.0,-0.6946,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,5,0,11,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777058703840687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566574903713739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148929911759149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878807941097301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794644846201163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783265761148937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27897116823330353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215559579820302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883425216623095,0.4821988651204192,0.0,0.26128270654614105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22743901939424666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TakingTheShortcut,2018/01/17,"You can't say anything to this and why would you want to I want to hang myself in my room when there's no-one around. I'm gonna call the relevant people to find me first before family find me. It's no use continuing on... I can't function, and haven't been able to function for a very long time. I can't think straight. Everything seems unreal. I rely on others to exist, and that's all I'm doing- existing. I'm useless. I battle with severe anxiety and depression. No I cannot get professional help- that's not an option. I don't see how I can manage life, it's just utterly overwhelming. Loud noises freak me out. Sometimes I feel like I'm going mad. I can't do what most everyone else does every day as the norm like it's no big deal. I can't walk out the door, I barely ever even leave my room. I don't talk to anyone. No-one really knows me. No-one wants to know you when you're in the doldrums, and I don't blame them. I wish them all the best but I don't think I was meant to be alive in this world. I wish I could help someone or do something good, but all I do is leech off others. I'm a worthless nobody who does nothing. I wake up feeling hopeless and go to sleep entertaining thoughts of my demise. The only time I feel relief is when I fantasize about ending it. I've written many suicide notes but I keep throwing them away because they're not good enough. I'll be doing everyone a favour if I just got rid of myself. Sorry for all the negativity if you read all this, I wish you well.  
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suicidewatch,Mafcase,2018/01/17,"Too much shame I recently quit the board I was on, as a chairman. I quit because I couldn't work together with them very well and ended up being stressed everytime an activity or meeting was nearing. I feel incredibly guilty and daren't even go outside. I still have to give them some important stuff, but I daren't ever watch them in the eye. I feel paralysed by shame, so much so that I daren't do anything at all, but end it for myself.",4.475719696969693,5.367203011363635,5.282272727272732,83.31424242424245,70.02272727272728,8.593939393939394,30.57575757575757,8.841846274778883,2.3216984848484845,347,14,71,6,6,113,64,88,0.123,0.8390000000000001,0.038,-0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,3,7,4,0,3,4,0,6,1,1,0,2,12,10,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,4,13,1,10,6,4,11,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,2,5,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109756637683533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341516719802177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898306174119299,0.0,0.0,0.14535312212481274,0.1990644935762815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225464204741857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111096903634032,0.1250699599249506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32355123406057107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681397269179463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729102481060364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574693201809133,0.0,0.2520876423803405,0.0,0.2519257007887882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157950171150194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786794721494289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602124376285826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChronicallyHappy,2018/01/17,"Should I go to the ER, or just sleep it off? I took about 250mg of codeine and I've been drinking pretty heavily all day. I don't want to scare my friends and family for something that was just an impulse. Should I just go sleep this off?",0.8476470588235259,2.7426447450980405,2.0389803921568657,98.61141176470586,81.94117647058823,5.648627450980393,21.964705882352945,6.742157984588678,0.2298517647058822,186,6,45,2,5,59,39,51,0.024,0.792,0.184,0.8429,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,5,3,2,0,1,10,9,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,3,0,5,1,7,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833567906873832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27851611050746744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680226928492141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965763328914206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32316048622181753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924605087436683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846444688034112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5690317711030151,0.0,0.0,0.218876159141572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31587949315258634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676937344411952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pokemonboy2003,2018/01/17,Advil and aspirin? If I took 50 of each Advil (200 mg) and Aspirin (325 mg) would this kill me? I am going to try it.,-1.6985897435897428,0.007868884615385595,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,90.92307692307692,3.466666666666667,16.358974358974358,3.1291,-1.3209333333333335,85,2,23,0,3,29,21,26,0.206,0.794,0.0,-0.7897,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,4,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935987113603644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715472506433592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5739675244275155,0.35074110479708753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36698160073472097,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidewheelchairboy,2018/01/17,in a wheelchair. hopeless as fuck need people to talk to. throwaway but story is im in a wheelchair bc of cancer but life is crushing me right now. sucks seeing everyone around me happy and walking and can do so much more than me. life seems so pointless and shitty rn.,1.9155345911949693,4.4800371886792485,2.9946226415094337,89.3257704402516,82.77358490566039,4.2880503144654085,23.927672955974842,5.46131890053228,0.5185371069182394,213,8,39,1,6,68,41,53,0.315,0.613,0.07200000000000001,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,8,9,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,8,9,2,6,0,1,1,1,1,4,2,1,1,27,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652247556931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28468905891736995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27543552487768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31715667769570816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218202461694165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208797140075299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190160432452958,0.22091456077419525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065501792196517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544343247068536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374151197686993,0.2712282614686479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394683616292069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DannyGlovet,2018/01/17,"Losing interest and will to continue. To begin with, I do not feel that my life is falling apart, but on the verge of doing so. I used to involve myself in creative projects, but I never finished anything and now can't get myself involved in them anymore; and with that, I no longer enjoy my hobbies.

Since then, my ability to meet with my responsibilities has become worse and will eventually cause permanent damage. I can't stop thinking about suicide, although I never sincerely considered except for recently, when I almost convinced myself to pull over onto the side of a road bridge and jump off.

That moment disturbed me and I don't want my situation to progress any further in that direction. I feel that I would be much happier if I could once again enjoy hobbies and do more than just attend college and do nothing at home. Any advice on how to start enjoying activities that were fun again? Thanks for reading.",7.6157988165680495,8.159770491124268,7.688573964497043,70.04007988165682,63.023668639053255,10.07360946745562,37.01834319526628,9.888512548439397,3.8604433136094682,739,34,119,14,10,239,113,169,0.139,0.647,0.214,0.9544,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,0,1,3,0,15,1,0,3,2,30,24,16,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,11,0,1,3,1,0,4,7,3,0,0,1,2,21,8,26,18,2,32,0,2,0,0,4,14,0,2,14,97,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592931941731825,0.0,0.0,0.19052759009963266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25877980043848003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886963856461177,0.0,0.0,0.15657572637647532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101379017768798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545936327407426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191484910428124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241212422326232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940804947955173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908559926421376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343930948576613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128630916238204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987010015259646,0.0,0.2934953985011097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182568879958252,0.0,0.0,0.20263098881071884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032115966642688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878683448126164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739303720951264,0.21387108105714786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467385173262328,0.0,0.0,0.15907396382476655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812413695365628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517474859183654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191712177802765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433190442276713,0.0,0.0,0.11222598107816896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939010489140391,0.13516211445845966,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Denver2007,2018/01/17,"Been having thoughts for years...when will be the breaking point? Hello to anyone reading this, 

If you were to know me in real life you would never think that I would contemplate something like this, I still can't believe I am either but these emotional/ mental battles have almost gotten to be too much. Ever since I was a kid I have been a popular person and am very well known in my city. It seems that I have always been there for others to help with any problems they may have, but I still don't feel like I can talk to anyone about suicide. I constantly put on a fake outside appearance to hide my inner pain and thoughts hoping nobody will notice but at the same time wishing someone would reach out. I've had thoughts about who would actually care if I died and who would go to my funeral, obviously not normal but it hurts everyday knowing I'm just going through the routine of being a failure. One day it will become to much and I don't know when that will be, I wish I could somehow know who truly cares about me but it doesn't seem like there would be any other way.",8.132009345794389,6.363492761682244,7.754130841121497,77.5850280373832,62.97196261682243,10.242242990654203,34.01682242990654,8.548686976883017,2.6014444859813075,857,27,167,9,10,272,131,214,0.163,0.67,0.16699999999999998,-0.4785,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,1,0,13,13,1,0,7,0,35,2,0,0,3,49,56,12,3,14,10,0,1,3,0,11,2,0,0,2,15,6,0,0,12,1,0,4,6,5,1,1,10,1,21,8,21,29,4,22,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,9,12,127,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.10535130386192557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810420806649088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982959262769892,0.0,0.0,0.1468301014849207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097329975458493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923098090131905,0.0,0.1216315454972094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201404782919188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666410014051115,0.0,0.0861955711893007,0.0,0.0,0.06962389227687699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204322029886964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143806823644793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765407027466748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054586740693748866,0.07712512086227644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270988599059955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236188175758965,0.0,0.0,0.10722651991222844,0.0,0.0,0.11557112812227653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732327869478376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762538332720993,0.15822828012797382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879613671424568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872290623389734,0.0,0.08326376145714658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577578680901796,0.0,0.12291074569545453,0.0,0.0,0.07315504380322785,0.0,0.11487478075270136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426464424325703,0.0,0.0,0.10205507819906083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330109749380677,0.0,0.1085274732406126,0.0,0.0,0.10798708068094603,0.12287968620733927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656157272851227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930386215359422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147234931283617,0.08311123939789808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724305820844466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808838285904652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867724431179861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917504122456761,0.0,0.2571194591828774,0.06295109969255512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907654550548574,0.0,0.0856919288067428,0.0,0.0,0.0970670865270496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829243545703344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601410221947384,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_That-Nerd_,2018/01/17,"I don't want to live anymore I wish I had the balls to kill myself, it'd make things a hell of a lot easier. Instead I get to face my teachers and peers because I have no motivation to do my work, then get told the same things over and and over again.

""It gets better.""
""You just gotta get it done.""
""You can't be doing this anymore.""

Sleep is the only viable option anymore, it's that bridge between living and getting away, only issue is its temporary and can only be done during select times. What makes this worse is that I'm only fucking 13, am I supposed to even feel this way? Jesus I slept 14 hours today. Nothing I used to do for fun appeals anymore, life seems meaningless to me, I'm numb and and all I can feel is fear and anxiety. If I'm not afraid or panicking then
I'm bitter and angry. Happiness is a fleeting memory. I have plenty of ways I could kill myself at this very moment and the only thing holding me back is the people I love. It's gotten to the point where I'm bitter towards positive people, I see them as naive and childish, their words of encouragement only stoke a fire of violence in my heart. 

Life will never change, day in day out I go to school, don't do my work because I literally can't bring myself to, skip the punishment for my apathy, and do it all again. I can't miss much more school else I gotta redo eighth grade, so I don't have much choice at this point, not that I did to begin with. At this point it's a game of if I want to make this change for myself... but I don't, I can't bring myself to see a point. I'm in pain, and I just want it to end. ",2.556706231454008,3.5346682077151366,4.303401780415431,88.21867537091991,74.6379821958457,7.053721068249259,22.085341246290803,7.404127859558343,0.6498352284866464,1234,29,273,14,25,418,165,337,0.139,0.8,0.061,-0.958,0,0,0,0,0,4,43.0,0,2,2,4,9,17,7,2,13,0,34,10,4,5,3,44,70,21,2,7,8,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,23,15,0,1,4,2,0,3,12,12,0,0,7,7,39,5,36,56,7,35,2,1,2,2,8,16,2,6,14,183,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673679747855259,0.0,0.3460664428375051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196293126084055,0.0670806032052651,0.0,0.10635889639978313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715488267144892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457237999258505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965240916472823,0.0,0.0,0.11252252907193344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854943450297533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728761180199027,0.0,0.0772669353254371,0.0,0.0,0.05761984710759956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816695397681564,0.08822026341515479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065008449082722,0.2278911567053044,0.0,0.049579340734360836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286642623295722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337739776943436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591181380812826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105376082142387,0.0,0.0,0.1930317456376936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323749636237705,0.0,0.0,0.15406542665667844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416659044272987,0.07873566119204048,0.0,0.17469603892034408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825987062071353,0.0,0.06728328963527287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370717150151158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980903793039704,0.0928273358050302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095962866851187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298722644785569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657893755495832,0.1390347122234783,0.07941815861792363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730095810299136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738710645580594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050869153631175335,0.0,0.08269138172159993,0.08335960535772037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534558414244585,0.0,0.07198044991085073,0.1543656199323318,0.1384908575929917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031934395433802,0.0,0.0,0.1270205417805593,0.0,0.08890293000363463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UglyMan12,2018/01/17,"Going to kill myself because I'm ugly I'm never going to be able to live a normal life. People make judgements about me simply because I am ugly. People  call me an asshole, douchebag, /r/niceguys simply due to my appearance. If I was attractive I would not have these issues. I will never be able to even go on a date with a girl so what's the point? I'm destined to be single forever and the lack of intimacy is slowing killing me anyways so why not just end my suffering? There is no point in living as an ugly person because you are treated differently and are fed lies to try to make you feel better. People would rather cling to the notion that personality matters more than looks when that is not the case and there are many studies out there that show girls care about looks just as much as guys. I'm done being unhappy thanks to things out of my control so that's why I bought a shotgun and am going to blast my face off.

Also, I want to thank anyone who reads this. I know you're trying to be helpful by using this subreddit but sadly, there is nothing that can help me outside of maybe plastic surgery. ",4.703918918918923,5.587030382882888,5.490108108108107,82.06164864864867,69.49549549549549,7.541621621621622,28.313513513513517,7.554174236665415,1.6473978378378376,883,30,169,9,15,288,134,222,0.135,0.804,0.061,-0.9497,1,0,0,1,0,2,17.0,0,2,0,2,16,10,2,0,10,0,21,3,1,4,2,30,43,14,2,7,8,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,11,7,1,1,2,2,1,5,6,4,0,0,4,3,18,6,29,31,4,19,0,2,2,0,11,7,0,2,7,119,29,1,0.23990938706708875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592772508033834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838751108042003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193698033965097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609017841564744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224871538365045,0.0,0.12230180461869115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453938875249308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532712368748852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275529886485845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624425403136928,0.0,0.0,0.07922894375924745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065269728582313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726920667684421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877400584826076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080620507823146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520153484123156,0.0,0.0,0.265424191256854,0.0,0.06592396247978473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472754752448353,0.0,0.0,0.21184438412396472,0.0,0.20146346241323745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160141378794203,0.1216152316093826,0.12051061266109925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818050191109064,0.0,0.18503290925071225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753013086989135,0.11509976364141088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494844423750563,0.20947962305054132,0.0,0.0,0.2267919163452635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998715497720187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22087633076868884,0.0,0.0,0.07969256825405037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288272575278825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360234100208428,0.0,0.0,0.07075238616502695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648090630996691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042474523587453,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manwithnoshoes,2018/01/17,What's the Point? I just want to know what the point of life is if you are terrible in every aspect of being a human being. I know I'll never experience love. I'll never be good at something. I'll never have real friends. I'll never get to experience wonderful places. So what's the point in living? Wouldn't it just be easier to shoot myself and get it over with? ,1.1684210526315797,3.3662861052631605,3.796578947368424,84.76355263157895,82.6842105263158,6.43157894736842,17.394736842105264,7.6454224807358475,0.5148473684210524,288,6,58,5,8,101,47,76,0.179,0.723,0.097,-0.7627,0,0,1,1,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,4,15,15,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,10,10,0,12,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,4,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826045691521894,0.0,0.0,0.3442605386270514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595228209244747,0.0,0.18387182041593605,0.0,0.0,0.1475934379085717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193414596612734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429125776123813,0.0,0.0,0.1553827870729635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588178054420296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428688470263201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384889318571315,0.0,0.4990393329481561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002898752318159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546860578141962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379036479863728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082956764999728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mini_heartattack,2018/01/17,"I don't know what to do anymore I couldn't hate myself more than I do at this very moment.

I don't want to go into great detail about what is happening but I just wanted a place to write what's going on in my mind. 

I've hurt way too many people over a stupid mistake I had made. Just one action because of me has changed everything, and it's not for the better. I hadn't cut myself in a long time but the thoughts are always there. 

I've been told they hate what I've done but don't, in anyway, hate me but I strongly believe those words are only said just to make sure nothing happens to me.

No one right now would care what happens to me. 

The cutting has begun again, only this time they are deeper. I look my cuts and I'm constantly reminded of how much of a useless, pathetic, disappointing excuse of a human I am. I don't deserve anything or anyone. I don't deserve to be happy and I don't deserve their forgiveness. The only thing I deserve is pain. 

Just the thought of me not being here anymore makes me realise it really is what I want, to no longer exist. Removing myself from everyone's life is the best solution. I know everyone says that it will only cause more pain, but then what about me? am I supposed to feel this way forever? this feeling won't go away. I caused everyone pain right now, what difference does it make it? 

My mind can't take it anymore as I sit here lost with what to do. 
",3.075150470219433,4.318352872413794,4.443322884012542,86.68442006269593,73.72413793103449,7.341692789968652,25.940438871473354,7.84624498591911,1.3912068965517244,1103,37,230,15,22,366,149,290,0.189,0.68,0.131,-0.9627,0,0,0,1,0,2,28.0,0,0,3,4,15,23,7,0,11,0,31,4,0,7,1,42,60,12,0,6,12,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,22,5,0,0,7,0,0,5,14,15,0,2,10,5,35,8,30,44,4,29,0,4,1,0,10,11,0,1,10,162,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776141726466021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775180043767999,0.06522164583749,0.0,0.07675925706271614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763707889879296,0.0,0.0,0.056860966610095036,0.0,0.0,0.10509155719562427,0.09788875489666547,0.08249617767557063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510240773031224,0.1916429303325736,0.09867499843600816,0.0,0.0,0.1007996067342074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745490881148663,0.0,0.0,0.08162757988778051,0.0954550468008216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739132676177546,0.0838316083820844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432759500489016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590348903650019,0.0,0.0,0.10283853500204752,0.0,0.0,0.2474543827916433,0.09929540339310636,0.0,0.2762760203360968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985526182024627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252551184338178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588450428663079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254746115075119,0.07832942614755171,0.0,0.1018231742848907,0.0,0.0,0.0882612215521133,0.1867899343112365,0.0945685256140878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836693312340888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685695364247346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950206978233848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641420346289528,0.2837663111298109,0.29776082041358976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466672407954559,0.0,0.09745490881148663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597558166865614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931658190125833,0.0887280574484743,0.07417784018086583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791273635930713,0.0,0.07013290913109052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196928281477013,0.0,0.0,0.148103488780358,0.1087814689326526,0.0,0.0,0.08913044225392516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696352815802343,0.1650520766542448,0.1480783328138141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662615063583441,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,g_em_ily,2018/01/17,"I’m a shit driver anyway, I’ll just off-road it into a tree. Or a bridge. Or overpass pillars. No one would be hurt if they don’t know it’s a suicide. I struggle with very vivid and continuous intrusive suicide fantasies when shit gets bad. I feel like it’s been a coping thing for a long time until recently. it’s usually the sensation of the hard barrel of a handgun against my occipital bone, but since the plan for attaining the gun is too suspicious I figured I could always find a nice section of freeway that I wouldn’t damage persons or property and just wreck my car. I have a bit of a reputation for being a shit driver among my friends due to my history of accidents. My family has been through enough without a suicide. I don’t want them to go through that. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I’m so numb and nothing matters and I’m just so tired of everything ",1.6708397397989359,4.031881258426966,3.642335895919576,85.6350413956239,81.92134831460675,6.893435836782969,27.907746895328213,8.032893268588372,2.082692134831461,696,33,138,14,19,235,108,178,0.315,0.628,0.057,-0.9931,0,0,0,2,0,3,14.0,0,0,2,2,10,11,3,1,16,0,14,6,4,0,0,26,23,13,3,6,10,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,2,3,15,3,20,15,3,13,0,2,1,0,4,3,3,4,9,95,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240385310570946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783780002625424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446757385855575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274628952287373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902060024094265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540295926898434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339748812013214,0.0,0.1405303248611265,0.0,0.07537448331652953,0.10649593769178273,0.0,0.0,0.1362476630601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517143655338001,0.0,0.07788314169153945,0.0,0.08472015490229555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353781572757248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595829675451314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192520419456263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282827727720152,0.0,0.0,0.13192263055167694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303708825087713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101397443020144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016254065642785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471890555644164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590559311798609,0.12331259171091315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584076943458214,0.0,0.489176532463558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903576304297894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692416057874397,0.17133451841705352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418000690094148,0.12299870825345326,0.17585119176050196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369856509819254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589534918760944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrankCali,2018/01/17,"Killing myself over having a small penis I can't live with the shame of being like this nor can I deal with the endless hatred and mockery I'm subjected to over this.

[This perfectly demonstrates why my life is not worth living.](https://np.reddit.com/r/Bad_Cop_No_Donut/comments/7qsewc/offduty_wichita_cop_shoves_17year_old_girl_referee/dsrkstv/) A man does a bad thing, but it's the imaginary small penis that gets insulted. To this person and the literal hundreds of people that upvoted him having a small penis is worse than assaulting a teenage girl. It's like this for everything. Having a small dick makes me worse than any violent murderer or rapist in the majority of people's eyes.

Life just isn't worth it. Giving up on romance is one thing, but even after that I'm still flooded with pure unfiltered hatred over this.",9.285248226950356,10.875879794326243,7.592340425531916,68.53333333333335,59.56737588652483,10.521985815602838,33.39716312056738,10.504223727775694,3.713899290780143,685,25,103,15,9,204,89,141,0.36,0.569,0.071,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,6,1,11,0,10,5,2,1,2,13,15,6,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,14,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,1,0,1,6,4,18,14,1,12,0,0,1,2,7,10,1,1,4,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472059926735448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807421428997281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231695027127104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894330297895806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297539263672224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454791615510245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309584889224845,0.20765629542657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23949030593888104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057961850727224,0.21151113483959272,0.0,0.1911456379504822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449439449844256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668464753784505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001439828498199,0.18901193133442448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287201157199295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876240852326581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532913799831145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411997588292188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilverOfSouls,2018/01/17,"I really would like someone to talk with. I’ve been going through so much lately, I honest to god can’t stand it. I keep trying to pick myself up but it’s just been so hard. I just need someone to talk with so I can stop this horrible anxiety feeling that I can’t shake",0.6191954022988497,2.6303120689655195,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,83.48275862068967,5.935632183908046,20.011494252873558,7.1686216300943375,0.434025287356322,212,6,47,3,6,72,39,58,0.248,0.631,0.121,-0.87,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,10,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,7,2,8,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130880352373565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084195908036168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830493377875407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952380103757374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475857701893103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142136539213589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608421307638258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476442429791994,0.20653940316734096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784446277496201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720246973960973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23287813898631715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44777177488913344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891154327998378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787211508236188,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YeezusSaveUsAll,2018/01/17,"I just took 3,000 mg of ibuprofen and idk whats going to happen to me Ive been feeling terrible and no one takes my suicidal thoughts seriously so I just swallowed like 6 pills idk whats going to happen I have no one to talk to.



Edit: I am okay and made it through the night without any harsh symptoms thank you everyone for the love and assistance . Definitely a moment of weakness for me and a very low point for me. ",3.0381344537815096,4.728602729411765,4.555126050420171,84.03235294117653,74.6470588235294,7.680672268907562,28.61344537815126,8.418075326091056,2.0798739495798317,332,14,67,6,7,111,58,85,0.22,0.598,0.182,-0.4065,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,1,4,6,0,1,0,11,15,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,4,1,10,4,12,11,0,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430988721124833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216826874595498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473497211397228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579218903401657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40132012564096464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085913952362583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479952204930926,0.21471232873056625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129442260892085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30752676580746874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450788968976525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482080289484725,0.0,0.0,0.23585142547506666,0.17061173610988944,0.1823855704677289,0.0,0.2089127176979274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801450535690584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521107606506258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722852536515847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873782922162086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IWantToDie11618,2018/01/17,"Everything in my life is going wrong Everything in my life is going wrong. I’m failing at school, I have no idea what to do after I graduate. My hobbies are no longer enjoyable, I can’t have fun with my friends, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t find motivation to do anything. My best friend and the girl I like started going out. I keep thinking about suicide. Just not existing anymore sounds perfect. I could use my dads gun while he is at work, it would be so easy.",1.2888659793814412,3.4560245360824817,3.034237113402064,90.58537628865984,81.98969072164948,6.35422680412371,25.1639175257732,7.554174236665415,1.286221443298969,368,15,79,6,10,122,64,97,0.17800000000000002,0.573,0.249,0.8497,0,0,0,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,5,3,10,0,0,1,0,15,4,1,2,1,14,23,3,1,2,2,1,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,2,3,1,1,4,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,0,1,15,7,10,20,1,11,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,51,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847918966864442,0.0,0.0,0.15333587526381898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554459598666835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877144045282711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906647951780258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349275002893249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030464516855795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28792025045045305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31769137749312354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103468551392026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562100014113018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322448959762995,0.09103270941579446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885785661164464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646719396564626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188719227729653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038176506783912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939442345316295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093156315844562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356523715001786,0.0,0.0,0.13236535191389825,0.4074509527766371,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CryingBambi,2018/01/17,"Saying goodbye soon I’ve got the plan and I’ve lost all hope on myself and life. I just wanted to tell my story before I leave.

My life has been torn apart by horrible horrible things...drugs, lies, and pitiful actions. I have nothing left. I’m very much ready to rid myself of this world because no matter how hard I tried to keep my family together, it was all for not. I’m heartbroken, lonely, and all I want to do is go home to my daughter, my man, my dog, my cats, and the place I called Home. Yet, too much mean stuff has been done and said to stop the freight train now and I’m too late to just hold them all one last time...together.

I spent sometime trying to find a reason for holding on, but in my head all I can logically do is let go. Let go of life because everything that brought me joy and will bring me joy is gone. I failed us because I failed to keep my life clean. I always wanted to be the rock and was so ready to show that. Id gave up everything for that choice back because now I have nothing. Just true emptiness inside. Good parents with a bad habit. And all I wanted was to be back to normal. Now I ask myself so what’s the need for me if everyone can manage without me. 

In my attempt to be impartial and talk myself out of this. I’ve read numerous articles on relationships and Suicide. Amazingly, in my search through myself to rationally use the self talk they described and feel like I can move on, I still feel like I don’t want to. The truth is I was happy, I loved my life, my family, and I was just getting my career in check. Making plenty of money I could take care of family with. But the honest truth is the thought of moving beyond this isn’t something I want. So I still know that my future could hold things, yeah great! But it wouldn’t be with and where what I truly love...with my family together.

So in my last attempt to be rational...I’m writing this blog to see what someone else thinks. I’m not crazy...I’m just very sad and completely hopeless about everything.",2.6546552970082367,4.322339597051599,3.8357775690128655,88.88288733921087,75.63390663390662,7.048677554559907,23.518499783205662,7.827709963407826,1.0583496748084986,1564,47,331,23,34,509,198,407,0.108,0.7120000000000001,0.18,0.9876,1,2,2,0,0,2,58.0,1,0,2,6,24,23,0,0,11,1,35,7,1,4,9,73,74,25,1,13,12,2,3,2,0,2,5,2,3,2,15,20,0,6,9,4,3,9,7,8,0,1,16,6,53,15,47,47,8,40,0,7,1,1,18,17,0,2,16,215,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824283651783991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667271384058083,0.0,0.0,0.12612855031144696,0.06847888492561889,0.19998170521187408,0.0,0.06978850590580134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374622274185017,0.0,0.08361949682493694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599089798971613,0.0,0.0,0.13096419790329752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392955734117986,0.0,0.0,0.09511106430951413,0.0,0.06851279415339834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836860192007307,0.2211286889017667,0.0,0.3092648035595472,0.0,0.08293823699377599,0.1171826980499978,0.0,0.0,0.07495998958475518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042849318358220666,0.0,0.13983260600132874,0.06879007554526333,0.06559468243344074,0.09042154406301113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873062193368028,0.07346910068978059,0.0,0.0841707879145201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453494927449314,0.0814591456411746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579694444985025,0.0,0.0,0.045073158065430136,0.1337059243580712,0.09251620279131613,0.08684177119642565,0.08910925860409162,0.1677312634553874,0.2896471934039424,0.08013652173639976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952878062735525,0.0,0.14804301585627147,0.0,0.05474547803024146,0.0,0.0,0.08933809893641444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433738544858887,0.12058054617534066,0.060812892976985375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035703508832227,0.1573907163573127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557531264123443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910676666817001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568795083554161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203693768812945,0.0,0.0,0.08432481568337638,0.0,0.08805314117965321,0.0,0.0,0.07801480209770457,0.06522141572981,0.0,0.0,0.06535513195243646,0.0,0.0855592640480628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949082587884076,0.06313895629620091,0.08111467826870114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099415993829705,0.0685679978041778,0.0,0.0,0.0938872592617918,0.08971081767570109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166488012628533,0.13184068805691912,0.07168450061989695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448695118495585,0.05255173591811856,0.0,0.06511054507132072,0.04782345638304302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136525426903476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986536380215801,0.07083440552238461,0.0,0.13534150505833162,0.29024652328207795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790592858708579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Miss_Defined,2018/01/17,I have nothing to live for Everyone hates me. My life has been a shit show since I was 11. I'm ending the years of pain tonight.,-0.1101190476190439,1.8186034642857152,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,85.78571428571429,5.161904761904762,20.047619047619047,6.42735559955562,-0.15339523809523792,99,3,25,1,3,32,26,28,0.318,0.682,0.0,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101249530523978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345789966839635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456961555609575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473180967557743,0.0,0.0,0.3091848603005903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33597401686396483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725794615415116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35941928779854976,0.2896439467109153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22548219930277824
suicidewatch,herbsandburbs,2018/01/17,"It Sucks Honestly, I've have very little family (all distant), no friends after moving for work, and a significant other that would do better with someone more pure than me (wayyy different experience levels and she has a rough time with it sometimes).

Actually it sounds like I have a lot I guess, but I hate having to keep up with even 1 or 2 other people. I would rather everyone in my life die, or for me to go, whichever is easiest. I don't want to be responsible to anyone because I want to make bad decisions. I want to hurt the people that interact with me. I want to cheat on my gf. I want to drive my car into oncoming traffic so that it becomes a national news story. I want to steal money. I want to fucking blow up the world. 

That said, I've done none of these things. But my goodness, thinking about them and saying them aloud makes me feel amazing. I want pain on everyone around me. Or I want to die. ",3.0884798534798534,4.795484807692311,4.7024395604395615,82.95922710622709,74.54945054945055,7.930256410256411,25.869597069597074,8.648137234880735,1.8724295970695968,713,25,142,14,15,240,113,182,0.253,0.628,0.119,-0.9781,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,2,5,14,4,0,6,0,11,3,0,2,2,37,31,9,2,12,6,0,2,1,2,2,2,3,0,0,12,9,0,1,3,0,1,4,3,8,0,0,2,5,25,6,28,26,4,17,0,1,0,1,8,11,2,5,3,98,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.11764179386822952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429307069902399,0.0,0.0,0.10731723232404926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065625391203477,0.07348764995017243,0.13314070128911848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661883869862387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25022880483771426,0.1259516440122039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336700347318234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962375123768896,0.0,0.0,0.2303860497193036,0.0,0.1179234208519387,0.1136461137873296,0.0,0.060954937065124684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931385179428718,0.11144879042813813,0.0,0.0,0.06851273113914078,0.10111366910008868,0.0,0.0,0.1328021064888714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902057880529268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905388289734546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071525498413358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514975521532844,0.05889583400991285,0.12082521753206542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248937551902333,0.0,0.0,0.1609393827931962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812816793916887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827629827609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715176916244434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467297893902913,0.09586814080475918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021436932247824,0.0,0.11922944803607433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800896860298283,0.07724513738560312,0.0,0.0,0.07029509861136503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099468390240185,0.6399445853192413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776361382845288,0.0,0.0,0.17127399250256872,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TPbandit,2018/01/17,"Lost. Scared. Alone. Out of Options. Title basically says it all. I'm a victim of human trafficking, for lack of a better word. I've been staying with a man who is obsessed with me, or rather, hiding. I say hiding because he stays at an all-male board and lodge and my existence cannot be known or I'll be outside with no resources in this frigid winter weather. I have been cut off from my family thanks to gas lighting and maniuplation of my ""keepers"". I have gotten myself into a clusterfuck of a mess in regards to affiliations and am actively sought after. After over a year I have started learning how to keep evidence. In my latest incident I was offered protection but he was intoxocated and wouldn't stop making advances. The police responded, I was brought to ER, I finally caved and confided with them all that had been happening and shared my digital proof. I was gaslit, told I was seeing the flying spaghetti monster, forced injections of Haldol and Ativan despite being calm (I insisted on being in camera view for this) and was released without comment in the AM. The person who was offering his protection made my probation go away. So now I've been in a 30 square foot room, sharing single portions of most meals among two adults, been outside a handful of times since last fall, and come to realize I just want to be done. I was forced out for 6 days, only got back in yesterday. I realized I have no concept of normal interaction and fell to anxiety in the open spaces. There is so much detail I could get into that it's mind boggling. How could anyone justify telling me that I should be grateful to be alive so that I can be in misery until I wait to die?",5.764985119047622,6.695661468750004,6.6884821428571435,74.25020833333333,67.125,9.595238095238095,32.73809523809524,9.725611199111238,3.254715773809523,1330,56,233,28,21,443,197,320,0.133,0.795,0.07200000000000001,-0.9424,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,3,10,11,2,2,14,0,37,3,2,4,3,52,55,20,1,8,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,10,21,1,5,4,0,0,6,5,6,1,1,21,7,29,5,49,22,7,45,0,1,3,0,21,22,0,4,15,172,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655687131135086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302379604499415,0.0,0.0,0.11244628290118253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510919210938171,0.12365757361898955,0.0,0.09803193794594836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222867905368433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852874011927094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25679697267097124,0.0,0.0,0.10371301283569392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669016132967392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457059706305432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160300788161946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616606195995188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401971998126279,0.0,0.09139543599630284,0.0,0.1286192420668977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220905332491304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294064545428184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108649979546064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554965555551613,0.0,0.0,0.1521679828899396,0.10734592545645023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237831151945445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182182600916005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756553068597534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230781088625338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041832392067996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25577466789965136,0.16100486562807645,0.0,0.1281495271424479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302865293684224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138263890159183,0.3428169069610868,0.0,0.13444937273028046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056026793072424,0.14805776193709286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377309996504367,0.0,0.0,0.1536665748939353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570938596915578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485344048270296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502088050167806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356022825646294
suicidewatch,kms731,2018/01/17,"I need advice Hey guys, so I’m posting here because I really don’t know where else to go.  I can’t talk to my friends about it because they won’t be able to give me advice free from their emotions, which is something I really need right now.  This is going yo be half me venting and half me asking an actual question.  For your information, I am 18 year old male in university.

I am planning on killing myself within the next few days, maybe weeks.  I have felt unimaginably overwhelmed by loneliness and responsibilities that I have to others for as long as I can remember, except now I have the ability to escape from it.  At this point, I’ve accepted and internalized the idea of killing myself so much that I no longer fear it.  The only thing I fear about it is how it will leave my closest friends.

A few days ago, in a drunken stupor, I stupidly told my three closest friends my plan.  I have not stopped regretting it.  They told me that they would be incredibly devastated by my death.  I’m certain one of them would slip back into alcoholism, if not kill himself too.  I feel selfish for still planning to kill myself, but I also feel like they’re being selfish for not letting me.  I just want peace of mind in knowing that I can safely leave them behind (which, of course, they’re not going to give me).

After I told them, my one friend, the one I’m most concerned about, has been spending time with me nonstop.  Believe me, I really really appreciate his effort in comforting me, but I still feel no less empty.  He is literally the only reason I haven’t done it yet.  I love him so much, more than I’ve ever loved someone, and would never want to hurt him.  At the same time, I just want to be reassured that he will get over it.

They tell me I’m the smartest person they’ve ever met, that I have such a promising future.  I want to believe them, but honestly I just can’t.  I either don’t believe it or just don’t care.  I just want to be done.

If one of your loved ones committed suicide, how would you react?  Would you forgive them?  Understand their situation?

I desperately need clarity and reassurance in this situation.",4.4112660256410265,5.6697074663461535,5.4473269230769255,80.70600641025642,70.49038461538461,8.431282051282054,28.77051282051282,8.841846274778883,2.2172807051282053,1670,62,325,30,30,551,203,416,0.094,0.6729999999999999,0.234,0.9963,0,0,2,0,0,4,52.0,0,4,11,4,26,31,5,3,12,0,38,4,0,4,5,65,72,19,6,16,17,0,4,1,4,8,1,0,0,3,22,7,1,2,14,0,2,3,14,12,0,8,8,4,68,20,45,49,9,42,0,3,0,3,46,16,0,5,23,243,90,0,0.07391255808826967,0.0,0.07212799467946633,0.0,0.0,0.14445299266411296,0.06551902311668771,0.07899004635208744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059107845999317524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909826435060691,0.0,0.0,0.05683419481994665,0.0,0.09011281875809583,0.0,0.0,0.2498224268199665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535877898476191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533497066713063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512764176327043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174445803044722,0.0831416794909622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371628072929873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634435352725535,0.11211723057993568,0.05280314626668728,0.07096764680167304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284186361238777,0.0,0.038616260972786455,0.14180732140707392,0.12601863023139967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318505302321589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912492212937973,0.08343828141416497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270931778724965,0.0,0.08124081788985461,0.0,0.0,0.1565254537691758,0.0,0.07558059837427719,0.0,0.03610994241441056,0.0,0.0,0.06541028801555722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012690824079435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425509912270023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463061356731539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866846936562186,0.1644156758394872,0.0570059213623448,0.0,0.07860684404656428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775587962830913,0.0,0.2504253111632491,0.1124276621071116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453759478240936,0.0,0.0,0.06987125804348669,0.0,0.07078779933040392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279898074243341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940110940224852,0.07599441983390742,0.0,0.0,0.08372851992191688,0.06312092075602611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166161624212004,0.0,0.0,0.06262587061287407,0.0569014982572222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805332873207143,0.061794208147061186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084834205495149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940811443341164,0.06460283359701881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910421932455459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619801402063408,0.0,0.0,0.2118798501192977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694557963625161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797770884404188,0.0,0.05928819576163391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625268030550764,0.0,0.0,0.04759726409043909
suicidewatch,laughingsir,2018/01/17,"is there a way to get a handgun shortly and probably illegally I found shooting myself to be the easiest and fastest way to end my life but I'm not a citizen live in California, is there a way to get a handgun or can I get a gun from any of you? I am willing to buy it at any cost, please DM me if you can help.",3.4012857142857165,2.58398555714286,6.069285714285716,82.71821428571431,72.0,9.857142857142858,33.214285714285715,9.516144504307137,2.7151428571428577,239,11,59,5,4,88,47,70,0.046,0.83,0.124,0.6486,0,0,0,4,0,1,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,12,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,9,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393939254943921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101994289730612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27360967385044443,0.0,0.0,0.3911258307036198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672625902829032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762587340503236,0.0,0.0,0.22034995731801751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27392193069363024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690482373150874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5942239324249171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zepro351,2018/01/17,"Want to do it I’m a 16 y/o in high school, and my life is complete trash. My grades suck and I have absolutely no control over my behavior. Whether it comes to doing work or talking to people, I just can’t seem to do it. Sometimes I’ll be able to motivate myself in the short-term to do something, but then I’ll find myself regularly going to bed at four in the morning because of pure laziness. I feel like I have tried everything to change myself, but the idea that it’s all up to the oneself is just stupid. If it were that easy, then I would have done it. No matter what, as I have been for my entire life, I’ll always be an extremely lazy, shy failure. That’s how it’s been for years, and at this point I realize that it isn’t going to change. In the long term, I just can’t get myself to do anything to fix it. I don’t know if this captures the severity of the situation, but I can’t take it anymore. ",2.590530191458029,3.401222721649489,4.351399116347571,88.54628865979383,74.36082474226805,7.398527245949928,25.712812960235638,7.7094869923839395,1.163512223858616,704,23,161,9,14,239,105,194,0.118,0.823,0.059,-0.9239,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,2,0,9,0,23,2,0,3,2,28,34,14,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,17,4,0,1,7,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,4,1,19,1,25,27,2,18,0,0,0,0,1,10,1,4,6,113,36,4,0.17450355446574858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452009365037896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306063552615972,0.0,0.0,0.14360155665885918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063757471188861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692032445583408,0.15031936057155648,0.18296365678827795,0.0,0.19572057467175197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785777225584991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683254269966754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882342403830279,0.12466537417778965,0.0,0.0,0.15949308738325116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117090483975099,0.0,0.19834878287775132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437258620303248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699327234617786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590258987216776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465140424047423,0.08525362219695913,0.0,0.0,0.15443015439557098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097879261994884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496226350359555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660691341947893,0.0,0.15886148209046394,0.0,0.19713934608430347,0.0,0.0,0.19614930663182173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434136170004565,0.17258847741095926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312049557229332,0.14025934700240822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184764587680883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292671765509404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704066597836788,0.0,0.0,0.12396231834089624,0.0,0.0,0.11237456775217128
suicidewatch,John_Bacteria,2018/01/17,"I want to end it all, my life is in fucking shambles. I don't care enough to rewrite a whole paragraph for reddit. I have no motivation. Here's what I sent a close friend:

Dude I honestly just wanna kill myself. Maybe I'm in a really bad state of mind, but honestly, I don't see the point in living anymore
I know I can get over the situation with my dad, and I know that I will get stronger. But I've said this multiple times before these past 2 years have been hell, and, every time I've gotten over 1 phase of depression, some new tragedy happens in my life. With no exaggeration in only 2 years I've faced over 11 tragedies in my life, I've been suicidal before, and kelpt it to myself, I'm not keeping it to myself now because I'm really on edge
I'm not doing this for attention or for you to feel bad for me. Honestly, I just don't know what else to do. I feel like once my dad dies, even if I become happy again, some new crazy and even bigger tragedy will happen, 11 times I've felt depressed this year thinking EACH TIME ""This is the worst it's ever been I don't think it can get worse"" and all 11 times I've been proven wrong, I'm sick of it. I just wanna die dude, I'm sick of all of this pain. I don't care what my family or friends think. If anyone truly loved me they'd understand that death is the only thing to stop this pain
The worst part is, I have no one to turn to, I feel like no one truly understands how much fucking pain I'm in
I don't know why I'm turning to you, I don't know what you can say, I don't even really want you to say anything. If you want to know where my mind is right now, this is where, if you want to know why I'm not hitting deadlines, it's because I don't even wanna live

To give some context on my life:
>19
>Go to college that makes me miserable
>Father has stage 4 cancer and is dying
>Don't ever feel happy",3.1344527986633253,3.6386111503759437,4.546265664160401,88.7889390142022,72.8345864661654,7.7156223893066,24.301587301587304,7.793537801064563,0.9667216374269008,1455,38,334,18,27,486,168,399,0.28,0.604,0.116,-0.9983,0,0,0,0,0,3,47.0,0,6,1,1,16,27,4,1,8,0,32,14,1,3,5,64,82,15,6,11,14,2,5,2,2,2,10,3,0,0,23,10,0,2,19,0,0,1,16,15,0,2,8,9,43,12,41,70,13,39,1,3,1,3,17,18,3,9,20,198,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533135912483434,0.05311261050968543,0.0,0.062508151565863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684592849826748,0.09260834601724396,0.08389123983636296,0.129271787058793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548914344449103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084751838430198,0.0,0.23650173625369225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345436989692586,0.0,0.06727752284504411,0.07848641254611438,0.0,0.20068198971692805,0.13741933461387035,0.06399910902333307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160780509560576,0.0,0.15362951208846354,0.10853088623032764,0.07293297980925093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173721584924151,0.1404465669288708,0.11905702564893007,0.07286722172068877,0.043169503421472966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434137377106242,0.16172048460600802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751624537636422,0.08403787222995576,0.0,0.29221727354046073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146096112642464,0.07421989652223701,0.0,0.1341471642154524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855636531015978,0.0,0.05070351977379778,0.0,0.07631147275017366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339477290738354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583893252296947,0.0,0.0,0.1467242117904888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089433051753106,0.10294417237103064,0.11554116248738222,0.24247861697750744,0.0,0.0,0.0822566773925441,0.07251188581710563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180622835605198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598469771536374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648689515083661,0.07225482730509347,0.12081199986251802,0.0,0.0,0.06052984364186234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538159943215656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350549776172112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308730477119584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050464080435908436,0.14601523690046975,0.0,0.0,0.22146281789972733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524412902118807,0.0,0.15815292344988813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179211396228677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708316983885502,0.0848060083459443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740916446496902,0.0,0.08304972945175787,0.0,0.1467461776174495
suicidewatch,CuriousOrchid,2018/01/17,"Every night Every night I think about it. I have a note that I have been writing for over 10 years.

I have issues that I am too embarrassed about to even post on a throw away on anonymous site.

I just need someone to talk to me. I am sorry for being needy",1.240000000000002,3.0190867037037066,2.6071851851851875,95.60633333333335,80.1111111111111,5.060740740740742,18.20740740740741,5.6839178017228535,-0.4751659259259258,198,4,45,1,5,64,36,54,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,11,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540220342087208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785772000575204,0.0,0.4555977030797303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821966124247569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004763388895505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074488963965235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589402520534957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290840918203565,0.0,0.0,0.30265769805665416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731360871397135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324253301256382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410977141849748
suicidewatch,agus61lll,2018/01/17,"I need someone to talk to, i failed in everu single aspect of my life Edit: every*",0.2747058823529436,2.508375588235296,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,87.23529411764706,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-0.9990941176470592,63,1,12,0,2,22,15,17,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476802900033096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39971839681573307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196144937711743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794930202371057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548563706579798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tryin2hide-help,2018/01/17,end of my life i’m not sure what to do. i’m going to kill myself. i made up my mind. i don’t know if i’m going to do it tonight or tomorrow. i was kind of waiting for a sign throughout the day but everything kept telling me i should go through with it. i tried crying to my parents for help. they’re not stopping me why should i stop myself? i don’t know how this website works. i just needed to write my thoughts down and put it out there. i know i’m being selfish but i truly think that without me the world will be a better place.,0.11115384615384727,1.9702297948717984,2.0295940170940163,97.87721153846157,84.38461538461539,4.5837606837606835,20.86111111111111,5.46131890053228,-0.23984273504273546,414,13,99,2,12,137,75,117,0.131,0.758,0.11,-0.3643,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,2,1,29,26,6,1,4,8,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,4,5,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,4,0,19,3,15,17,0,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,6,64,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051671785656053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117827225071802,0.12434062289984933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076436065146364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327700648344835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287195636671113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923037132372642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133056170173023,0.2007724561093162,0.3178749780053333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618096916858233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243286218985394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467393577449008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295941566403625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408256995157432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143589264095146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938181446509873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223803512537353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171255546809764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851647437110184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353902423007865,0.0,0.15306236919999153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308991473370887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739728133831882,0.0,0.0,0.1858531761544577,0.0,0.1403613428913814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lorrainenyakinyua,2018/01/17,"Just tired 'I feel so retarded and act like it too, problem is I know this isn't who I am, I was a quick witted, funny and a very social social person before.... but I have gone through so much, was in an abusive relationship where I was physically and mentally abused ,my self esteem was crushed and I can't seem to get back to my old self...im stuck in this shell that is so miserable, so slow and so lonely'.. I'm so tired of feeling this way.... I have ceased functioning, I can't do or follow simple instructions, I'm humiliated by what I've allowed myself to become... I'm just so tired of living like this ",2.096766862170089,3.908468104838712,4.127331378299122,85.54963343108506,77.62903225806451,7.089736070381233,22.56304985337244,8.00094639256281,1.1118161290322583,471,14,99,8,11,161,76,124,0.28300000000000003,0.6509999999999999,0.065,-0.9867,1,2,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,3,0,13,3,0,1,0,15,24,14,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,6,2,12,2,9,18,1,11,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,6,66,20,1,0.0,0.3715541555260823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205660933152806,0.0,0.0,0.17316835723618867,0.13342145762550991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856107433415784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191919914906907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936609150963675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617072927441469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320476345403491,0.0,0.1384533361313727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801302753721866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526276442792202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453054538227027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369078193072048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003215790452318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833973291463664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427407725234169,0.32714389209210704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31966661849197525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5406402295982812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293727430308252,0.0,0.1244570029340413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Not_So_Utopian,2018/01/17,"""Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"", except, this problem is permament. Hello.

I don't have faith in living.

A few hours ago, I talked with my mother about my depression. On how I can't help but despise my country for the despicable people who are in control and allow the control. She told me ""I know, sometimes I get depressed too, and I hope God sends help, but this doesn't have a solution. If those criminals get out of the government, this problem will still persist for at least twenty years. I'm not going to get depressed, I'm going to keep working to survive.""

The issue is, I don't have that strength. I sincerely despise every single person in this garbage dump of a country, but can't get out of here. I can't hope for my family to get out either, and I have to depend on watching ads to survive. I almost don't have any friends since they leave the country or disappeared from my life.

This constant depression is never leaving me, and this country will kill us. Sooner or later, I'm going to die, without accomplishing anything. The career I studied at college is worth nothing, my salary doesn't even allow me to be independent of my mom, and I really hate to work with my brother. 

I just wish to end it all. There is no hope for this land, no hope for me.",4.952598039215687,5.885961892857143,5.971335200746968,78.65340336134457,68.96031746031746,8.469094304388422,32.680672268907564,8.671277953709913,2.734565546218488,1015,45,186,16,17,337,133,252,0.241,0.619,0.14,-0.9871,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,1,0,1,9,8,20,5,0,11,0,23,1,0,7,2,41,43,12,3,9,11,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,11,10,0,3,1,0,1,5,13,12,0,0,1,1,29,8,36,39,5,24,1,4,1,0,15,11,0,9,8,137,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450239069191443,0.0,0.10675345129224108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249773328649901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773007190474383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520638793489905,0.2391419771302498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672884866645511,0.0,0.1106432457600952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442387542926664,0.0,0.0,0.07041419777587887,0.0,0.0898226278622327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050141833675966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823658006692523,0.0,0.2784938486500197,0.0,0.1817649479812588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052542544796424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429154471928136,0.0,0.0,0.4235469192335638,0.10498832871724438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127203289422984,0.0,0.09475892204820127,0.117946993932261,0.0,0.05858948399371255,0.0,0.0,0.2257669434261805,0.0,0.0,0.07530104536775194,0.0,0.0,0.09413764499209948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248590991377905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222338484416047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229415080467053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390921395588107,0.09308681213976013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060310660513064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829641525002561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818801477884224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054389651858945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513803521192691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661287431076732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568822569984698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186940842131413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282374254183895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259501683085006,0.10276721141573664,0.0,0.15522515243460175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865266044840113
suicidewatch,DrFriskyBits,2018/01/17,"Stuck in a cycle I want to escape Ever since my junior year of high school, so about 4 years ago, I've been fighting with depression and losing. I did very well in high school and landed in a high profile science university on the track to medical school, and while my first 2 semesters were rocky I've been on a significant upward trend and could be a strong candidate for medical/pharmacy schools by the end of my undergraduate... And I still feel worthless. I know my future, if I have one, lies in medicine, but whether that's a clinic or a pharmacy I'm not sure, and at this point I don't think I really care.

Let me preface this by saying I do not, nor have I ever harbored any ill will toward any other person, those that I have known nor those who I may meet. I have no reason to direct my depression outwards to others, and never once during my experience in various healthcare volunteer settings have I ever thought about intentionally harming any of my patients.

The cycle I'm stuck in works like this: By no means should a doctor of medicine or a doctor of pharmacy have contemplated suicide as often as I have in the past 4 years. I have no idea why I feel this way or what brought on this depressive mentality that I have. My desire to kill myself is only surpassed by my desire to help others get well, and at this point the prospect of potentially being able to save even a single life forces me to continue forward at the cost of my own happiness. If I die without helping a single person, then I was never alive. If I were to seek help or let anyone catch wind of the way I truly feel, how utterly pathetic I feel as I cry through every evening on my couch every day of the week just hoping that one day I get the courage to kill myself, I'd be barred from obtaining either a medical or pharmacy license without a doubt. Someone in a position of taking care of other's well-being in such a capacity has no right to be doing so when they can't even take care of themselves. However, I cannot morally continue through medicine with my future patient's best interest in mind with a diseased mental state like this. I and everyone else relies on doctors and pharmacists to clearly and logically assess the needs of every patient, and I know with my depression that eventually it's going to catch up with me and begin to affect my work, and I cannot morally allow this to happen. At this point, the only way I see out of this cycle is to kill myself.

My only passion lies in medicine, to those who may suggest a different career in life. I have also contemplated what may happen if my depression caused me to fail out of an osteopathic medical program or, while much less likely, a doctor of pharmacy program, to which the answer is simple; I would absolutely kill myself. I have no reason to find a career elsewhere, because at that point I wouldn't be helping people substantially enough to warrant keeping myself alive through all of this. I just want to escape this torturous hell I created in my mind where there is no right answer other than death. Originally I was going to go to r/advice and ask what I should do when in this kind of situation where no answer is right, but in typing this I realized that I already made my decision.",11.05833333333333,7.2447823015873025,10.867817460317465,63.89982142857147,59.317460317460316,13.73809523809524,42.44047619047619,11.45678717892309,4.7719523809523805,2590,102,464,51,24,866,278,630,0.221,0.667,0.112,-0.9981,2,0,0,0,2,5,51.0,0,0,1,8,24,35,7,1,31,0,47,13,0,9,8,97,82,42,7,15,20,0,4,3,0,8,11,1,1,2,36,22,1,1,20,1,1,7,20,17,2,3,12,6,67,18,93,54,10,82,3,8,1,1,14,44,1,16,31,353,103,17,0.061478163166102974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007574952439395,0.054496682266645335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784268180516567,0.04916406487248397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542177738698312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042986961124231664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747378361831201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03747651764637616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451753934157296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804325395789898,0.06315500851103034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908531076446695,0.0,0.06753087544581962,0.07929665856118805,0.0,0.2647552592506477,0.0,0.0638046272162103,0.06423159554855751,0.0,0.2517020202133307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135711661968399,0.0,0.05445140487958379,0.06352337669949353,0.0,0.12181724087053546,0.16683155482501666,0.155394011996631,0.05874501949401442,0.0,0.060137440311062135,0.0,0.0,0.12434082603560158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618992736298458,0.05229329418295298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423960567335732,0.0,0.10481837067636736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872987330606616,0.06544464787211553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483006746470946,0.19486516431110096,0.0,0.061061687734802715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940136306679058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464461617300091,0.272065915182496,0.06402004642286079,0.06757358136644982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573117422066182,0.08684768953900612,0.0901053754229636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877833907775621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817212446756469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696774262899803,0.0,0.18579834467715087,0.12391105730627287,0.0,0.12415083868693645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045193523695201625,0.045585279000688435,0.09483149888447634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547223734170865,0.08331838885743947,0.1402707401998602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868786314120687,0.042621217516730786,0.1073607215066877,0.0,0.0,0.2324669427616571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03938448556254316,0.1264195818167404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750604629862602,0.0,0.048889902902472686,0.0,0.2488767331463301,0.04899013643876658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085537186880906,0.06910403123276218,0.0,0.0,0.052090248146458906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909654051903066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724713219406275,0.0,0.05794244121987644,0.0,0.092447855298203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939272457741063,0.0,0.04880679437642153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072592312613715,0.07252282695930172,0.14639551304490891,0.049314074186211324,0.0,0.16582875575072642,0.0,0.055474479940829866,0.0,0.0,0.11852551087750925,0.0,0.08951366997262483,0.0,0.0,0.04367232321852711,0.0,0.0,0.11876976431464538
suicidewatch,RogalDornPowns,2018/01/17,"Odd but not so odd problem So since joining the Corps (I’m a reservist) I have really taken an interest into firearms. I’ve had some ROUGH issues with my entire life to be honest but it really gave a haymaker after my relationship ended in 2016. In the months following my breakup I tried to kill myself with overdosing, trying to cut my throat or wrist(blade only touched my skin no cutting) and while at the range to qualify again I so desperately wanted to put that barrel under my chin and switch the selector to burst. I’ve been so down because I’m alone, I have friends and family but the feeling of a female who cares about you is what I miss but I can’t trust any females, I’m super stressed out applying to police departments currently since I’ve recently turned 21. For the longest time I always wanted to buy a firearm when I turned 21 but I can’t. I’m afraid one day I’m going to be weak and when nobody is around me I’ll pull the trigger. I’m honestly feeling really mixed right now like I’m tired of this life but I don’t want to go yet. I just really needed to put this somewhere.",3.642384737678853,5.082105972972975,5.0236618971913085,82.30461844197141,72.60360360360359,8.466772655007949,27.02278749337573,9.007467420416297,2.1549668256491783,874,31,172,18,17,292,136,222,0.134,0.6829999999999999,0.182,0.9186,1,1,0,2,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,1,12,16,3,2,12,0,11,6,2,1,0,27,33,18,1,5,9,0,5,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,1,7,5,8,0,1,4,6,20,8,26,27,1,29,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,2,14,101,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270083268953016,0.0,0.0,0.12267984914384825,0.0,0.0,0.10026258704412554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125067440401014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987655949979703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032240421726936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508501988576376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058590386347366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899099664573866,0.0,0.14909770639433026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390988220866073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758431004109514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388649241688968,0.0,0.0,0.1631177998213155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827899779602804,0.07203053755659908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768324248147892,0.0,0.0,0.1093230720922223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999074967988252,0.11213289742848134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410778195272197,0.0,0.2964309122563242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778090689675472,0.0,0.14557678955385608,0.15829274730891205,0.0,0.1259108585924969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439237230513221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888921066076046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597201866126111,0.16945777004455892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002008311893648,0.320739424310624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26088745359715043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flyingwalking88,2018/01/17,"Suffer everyday. So I need a plan. Before I go. Hello all. New to this Reddit. Suffer from BPD. I can't deal with my constant extreme emotions as well as the problems in my relationship. I could write about all the problems I have caused this man I love. He knows about my bpd and I told him that I need him to really think through everything and his future with me. If he decides to stay with me, all I'm going to do is mentally abuse him. I feel stuck with this dysfunctional brain I have. If he decides to leave me I won't have the strength to handle the suffering I go through with bpd. So I have decided that if he decides to stay with me I can hold on a bit longer. But if not I will end my days of suffering. I don't know when he will make his decision on our relationship, but I will update you then. When I do eventually do it, it will be just me in my car in the woods somewhere with my car exquast piped in through the window and I will say goodbye to this world. ",2.104479860909884,3.647784408867,3.657206606780644,90.11076499565344,76.83251231527093,7.141002607939727,24.74905824398725,7.928766900206844,1.1720573167197914,757,26,171,12,17,251,102,203,0.102,0.8759999999999999,0.022,-0.8797,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,1,1,0,2,8,9,0,0,8,0,19,2,1,2,3,39,33,16,0,9,8,0,1,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,8,10,0,1,9,0,0,5,4,6,1,0,2,2,37,3,30,23,4,24,0,4,0,1,21,7,0,4,10,122,45,0,0.0,0.16285592369717972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695993383177893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005993868830828,0.0,0.5193408673512667,0.15343979847700115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411991421269214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853475651725598,0.0,0.10974274146072788,0.0,0.0,0.08864396052148106,0.14170504483762786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461289184677954,0.1217400145747753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353131071549285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949891378968512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343482230084695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107798960584407,0.0,0.0,0.1455398375583235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240541054294669,0.0,0.09174902664700664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385173987319607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038350541078428,0.0,0.13275018852126416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304241571704945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805407054248038,0.0,0.0,0.2951399928221252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093058573065024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930070927058851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807249096326228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133948600981332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235841706726386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,streamingmysuicide,2018/01/17,"Live streaming my suicide A little backstory first. I attempted suicide Jan 6th, 2015 and again Nov 12th, 2016. I'm going to do it again. It'll be in the next 90 days, could be tomorrow or the end. Just forget about that part. What I'm posting on here for is because I would like to live stream my suicide and I'm not sure how to do that. Can anyone help me out with it?

I want people to be able to access a true overdose of heroin. I don't want anyone trying to stop me. I'm just trying to offer a service of letting people watch. ",1.0290340909090894,2.9752529910714287,3.025551948051948,91.50581168831171,81.58928571428572,5.144155844155844,20.89610389610389,6.11248444174946,0.16606071428571445,413,12,88,3,11,139,73,112,0.189,0.723,0.08800000000000001,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,2,17,19,4,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,8,3,15,12,1,14,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,9,57,14,1,0.1732716626063213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423111505223282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562479727538608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834332334763985,0.0,0.0,0.11174588797407774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534672633150094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738478769706698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984742789062041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614034303512485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718201452927435,0.0,0.08465178205970426,0.17366372603059255,0.30600410513079945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842763789059768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763632540238884,0.0,0.2402495078285449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594635606541575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486286853034333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5685932272874183,0.0,0.16330649142056078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23528017011808516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044002318383726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308721770866325,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cas42069,2018/01/17,"Sup homies why do you keep living? Lol Ayye I was gonna kms tomorrow but my bf has a snow day so he'll be home all day. Oh well, best laid plans etc. 
Why do you guys stay alive? 
Lately I've felt so much negativity towards others. Extremely bitter, hatred type of stuff. Literally have never been like this in my life and now suddenly everyone is absolutely deplorable. Even my bf, I get extremely disgusted if he even touches me lol. What's goin on haha 😂
Every time someone says something I just am amazed that anyone could be that stupid and survive on the planet lmao. 
So negative. Smh. Hate it. 
Am on antidepressants but they've worked fine for years. Idk why the sudden change. Too much social media perhaps??? 😂 ",1.91251918158568,4.6276891521739145,3.394722932651323,85.18254475703326,85.01449275362319,6.435464620630863,21.16112531969309,7.724431198458867,1.1809662404092078,565,18,107,11,17,185,110,138,0.239,0.5820000000000001,0.179,-0.9336,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,4,9,10,4,0,3,3,12,1,0,0,2,11,18,8,0,2,4,0,2,1,2,2,1,1,1,1,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,4,9,6,7,10,5,16,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,11,60,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825032877496967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747754294249168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890304448926536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502592377128686,0.0,0.0,0.2181325616043905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886098244421888,0.22339997069918432,0.0,0.14248811366434733,0.16159825415394194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237855300690676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835649569756238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745212145548255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696772887733946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696378389982174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031869337227732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077100376597855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194521265605924,0.08262187718864149,0.0,0.1493331444310611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486404665829932,0.0,0.1304332247271984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448838765983073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723931782465521,0.1432920310762865,0.13019429792781215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802559004702342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935981606444604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861330775032584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205622336811198,0.0,0.4578045518964916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123118971745019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890561006893776
suicidewatch,OneTimeUserNameForSt,2018/01/17,"I fear the day i will be brave enough Good evening,

First, let me say that i will not kill myself anytime soon. Not for the lack of desire, but for the lack of courage. I am a coward, through and through and too afraid to do the deed. So if you are a capable individual that have limited time, help someone else that is in more urgent need than i.

This is the first time i have ""spoken"" about this desire and these thoughts. I am currently 25 and have had suicidal thoughts for over 10 years now and never had the courage to do the deed. Hence the first Paragraph. But from the past 6 months i have been getting more and more courageous on this front. So i decided to write here and see if i can get any help before i do something i can't undo. Why? I don't know. I just... Don't want to feel the way i do anymore.

The main issue is that I KNOW these broken thoughts are all on my mind. That in reality i am loved and that there are others in the world facing the same situation than me. I KNOW that there are qualified professionals to which i have access to, family and friends that will support me if i bring this issue up with them, but i just can't. I would first kill myself before speaking up, ironically enough. But i can't shake these thoughts. They become my feelings and my reality. I will list bellow the things i have tried to avoid these thoughts, but without fail, they come back. Every single day.

I used to be able to distract myself with hobbies, such as reading, gaming, drawing... However all of it has become meaningless. I no longer feel joy doing them nor anything else. I have forced myself out of my comfort zone and to do new things, meet new people and see other places, only to feel worse and worse with each new attempt.

I can also socialize fairly normally, but every action that i do and every word that i speak has a reason behind it. I keep doing and saying not the things i want to or desire to, but the things that will make me accepted. That added to the ""experimentation"" of trying new things, has enabled me to be a part of multiple social circles. Gaming, drawing, food, programming, animals... All of them i have friends in. At least i consider them friends, but the certainty that they i am not a friend to them is always there.  And again, i can always rationalize these thoughts. And every time i tried ""being myself"" i am always rejected. No matter the social circle. Socialization is incredible tiring, taxing, exhausting and it always comes with a crushing sense of loneliness and emptiness when i come home afterwards.

No matter what i try, i feel empty. Even if i feel a momentary joy during the day, it soon is washed by a overwhelming feeling of nothingness, emptiness, meaningless... Minutes even after the joy, comes these feelings, and with them the thought: ""If i'm just going to keep feeling bad, worse and worse no matter what i do... Why not kill myself?"" and the rationalization for me to do it begins. It always goes something along the lines of:

""Why not? What have i got to lose? My meaningless, joyless and empty life? All the goals i don't have? The friends that don't like me back? The family that would be relieved with my absence?""

Again, i know that in reality my family loves me. But it's hard to explain how i can know that and yet be certain, as certain as everything that lives will eventually die, that my death will be good for them. The fact that i can rationalize all the benefits my death would bring them and that it severely outweighs the negative, doesn't help. 

I keep asking myself why i have these suicidal thoughts. Why do i want to kill myself? I should be happy. I have almost everything i could possibly want. I have successfully graduated on the third best University of the country with a year abroad paid with a scholarship, on a course that i choose and i once was passionate about. I got a job in less than a month after graduating and before that i had a internship on the field. I have friends and family that care for me. I may not be rich but i am far from poor, i have enough income to do the things i could want to... If there was anything that i actually wanted to.

Them why? Why am i constantly sad? Why am i not happy? Most people would be in my position and many others are with much less. What is wrong with me? If i am THIS messed up, this... Damaged, to be sad and wanting to kill myself even having all that i do, then this world is indeed better without me in it. I can rationalize almost anything... With the exception of two things.

Why do i still feel sad even having everything i need to be happy? And i cannot simply think one reason not to kill myself. As said before, my death would have far better benefits than harm and would cause more good than bad. No matter how i look at things. These thoughts would only come up once i was trying to sleep... Now, they are there when i wake up and during most of the day. It is getting considerably worse and fast when it never got better in the first place.

So whenever the day comes that i am a bit more brave... Because of whatever reason, i will without a shadow of a doubt kill myself.

These are my thoughts. I deeply apologize for the long post and have tried to shorten it as much as possible while passing the entire message and any relevant information. 

Thank you all in advance,

- A suicidal coward -",3.9831479990528083,5.7284577708737885,4.751887283921383,83.3663864551267,72.26213592233009,7.820506748756808,25.861946483542503,8.482186458684032,1.7313990054463648,4184,137,810,72,82,1348,356,1030,0.171,0.643,0.18600000000000005,0.9532,4,2,2,0,0,7,159.0,0,2,13,17,37,67,7,7,58,0,116,11,3,9,12,188,185,72,14,33,34,0,11,1,6,17,4,5,1,0,71,56,1,5,35,3,5,14,31,27,0,8,22,19,129,40,113,131,31,93,0,8,3,3,44,30,0,14,48,635,200,12,0.03739648335004575,0.0,0.036493573242067666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489435232848576,0.0,0.0,0.029905954224054287,0.15558434958529213,0.0,0.0,0.050861782116174814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037087262748408144,0.0,0.0,0.09232235823060676,0.0,0.034960663778116914,0.0,0.0,0.05751117469805728,0.06244900309027026,0.02279654914857861,0.0826029555352924,0.12728661179896816,0.0,0.03924530209619785,0.0992224515903921,0.04082727421397932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381282071203362,0.03841648973593519,0.0,0.19328255457078736,0.0,0.04041231315729673,0.0,0.05971609795093255,0.0,0.0,0.12058819013450794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038811645574057814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062479926454058775,0.0,0.0,0.11592169203216016,0.0,0.12350012279035424,0.0,0.12603260047805978,0.0,0.10082864368756393,0.0,0.14101630520254446,0.04208144061004558,0.18908785620383967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904714816773272,0.0452199761080602,0.0,0.17335458162154493,0.0,0.05861435720240694,0.0,0.02125328329012799,0.09409918790965,0.08972815190640057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942775573271798,0.03349990366372792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519822351649551,0.0,0.03751172192297282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806442541209907,0.03711023935287749,0.0997191379984168,0.28961567653800946,0.0,0.10276064623327567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03824043791468672,0.026414242135540198,0.018270032795494988,0.0,0.03302177993342609,0.03309471096608812,0.03140362746903426,0.04183709921872331,0.0,0.0,0.06750357255921446,0.0,0.024962443024607803,0.03791416450678879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037759787644486134,0.0,0.05969903245348832,0.0,0.05498143631361319,0.055458037109877935,0.057684946759251086,0.14447102660684694,0.0,0.0,0.03664061365781826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965206855722831,0.02534082494658713,0.056883421475577775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404967472074006,0.035699174857911214,0.05185202579708549,0.0,0.0781427313301028,0.0,0.0,0.08431783210460414,0.03581549370655537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03740660336954226,0.0,0.0,0.11534943977806125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03557261937441182,0.059478369089782525,0.0,0.0,0.05960031098193059,0.0,0.0,0.042247381699767016,0.0,0.0,0.04203521413668228,0.03742349064308085,0.1524840213006982,0.03168591898631839,0.057579279819475734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029864879910353387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271704927027688,0.0424370861372544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034429657492729235,0.0,0.0,0.1987564947428478,0.02396215652689377,0.0,0.2968863055221062,0.0654185705278933,0.04298175636594148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233854455026008,0.0,0.03653093031143653,0.0,0.0,0.03229855461409497,0.0,0.0,0.15440190352531516,0.029683587820246264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037005861527067,0.0,0.0,0.10814662635847114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055105702324995,0.18595772170043734,0.040887183944968125,0.0,0.04816421837112216
suicidewatch,Angelaso159,2018/01/17,"Why is suicide not worth it? 1. Its not good for EVERYTHING.
When i was REAL YOUNG one of my friends told me ""Suicide may fix some of your problems, but not all of them"" He is right. once i thinked of commiting it, But then i thinked that it was not worth it at all, Just because i cant live without something i love, AKA family and reddit
2. If you dont save the game, you will lose EVERYTHING!
If you commit suicide, you will lose COMPLETE ACCESS TO EVERYTHING, just RIP, You cant see your family anymore, till they die. Its something that we can learn from something AKA Videogames: If you dont save the game, you will lose everything
Probably editing this post, Please tell me how do you rate this post. Helpful Or Unhelpful? If you say unhelpful please understand that i dont like to talk about this, For that reason, I dont know how to help that much.",3.7149112426035487,5.199111260355032,4.072899408284023,89.0163313609468,72.49112426035504,7.803550295857987,28.384615384615394,8.384062270229773,1.8445763313609485,669,26,140,11,13,209,94,169,0.244,0.667,0.08900000000000001,-0.9854,0,0,3,0,0,4,26.0,1,11,2,3,6,10,0,0,2,0,16,1,0,3,4,34,23,13,4,5,14,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,14,2,0,0,6,2,2,0,11,4,0,1,3,2,24,6,14,16,4,8,0,3,1,1,25,2,0,7,5,93,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996163092410168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061443742769373526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568171945508224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460937537369308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725243134489235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623524599356466,0.0,0.19004125419774026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787402566666334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845421275393339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351216295164422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055394337737873535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924338276630815,0.0,0.08900389873889325,0.0,0.0,0.3382917229082817,0.0,0.0,0.09097149137155104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409597847301773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734346631985738,0.06830135207893544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212854504585329,0.0,0.0,0.19306764090659895,0.0,0.10867413981528246,0.09644727503742694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114726863312004,0.0,0.10363412550032752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607844414923134,0.0,0.08015629003485211,0.0,0.0,0.08032062557101424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279092166637685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307603602473127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101526402051668,0.0880993391265157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917082951826742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096314014573899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493122882110346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909518783978777,0.0,0.0,0.0971628563609414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,synchronality,2018/01/17,"I give up I'm done trying. I'm 22. I can't find work that I'm even willing to do, let alone work that will accept me. I have zero desire to deal with the stress and misery that comes with friendship, so I'm stuck being alone forever by my own choice. I have no dreams or goals or hobbies or interests. I have no personality. There's no point in anything anymore. Literally the only reason I'm alive is because I don't want to traumatize my mother and siblings. But if I just left the house right now and just started walking, ran away and never came back, I'm sure I'd die of something eventually. I might just do that the next time there's no one out at home. Or maybe tonight after everyone goes to sleep. I'll just leave a note saying I'm moving out and then just vanish forever.",2.7685470085470096,4.255450802469138,4.274938271604938,86.6087606837607,74.92592592592592,6.959924026590691,24.18993352326686,7.61054688173877,1.061223551756885,618,19,130,8,13,206,104,162,0.166,0.7120000000000001,0.122,-0.6513,0,2,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,1,5,0,14,1,1,1,2,30,28,13,1,3,11,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,4,11,0,0,3,1,0,5,7,1,0,2,4,1,11,3,15,19,1,23,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,6,9,80,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296193064091626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578132087621679,0.0,0.0,0.13094960833049302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950693370636658,0.12236037855303275,0.0,0.09700356141802544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200118355070452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707554325540872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405501166906514,0.0,0.0,0.16515077877093934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628442154087488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510320371866264,0.0,0.0,0.1520545788234877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454410231351023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265103679159886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961936158560505,0.0,0.0,0.183613500931498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849463458625236,0.1728941241051779,0.16272018381961073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598664688913261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881072205265796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691289436591527,0.0,0.0,0.12273009479168112,0.0,0.1692354967791526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782992869089418,0.12102477512737235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894530490834622,0.0,0.0,0.15042834003829547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361111489753202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589529653392188,0.0,0.12654576777039184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592439210607164,0.0,0.0,0.12250527853954694,0.0,0.0,0.11263232523247325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228173185923868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997719928564673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278939958152388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803814549811036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938584070902291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23169561443449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littlepinetree,2018/01/17,"I’m thinking about overdosing tonight i’m so fed up with how my life is turning out. no matter what i keep getting rejected and i’m nothing more than someone’s quick fuck when they need something easy. 
i’m fooled into hope with going on a date and then a day later i’m hit with “idk i need time” or i’m just ignored. 
i don’t know i keep giving my all into anyone any more. i’ve given so much and nothing works out. the longest any thing that’s last is maybe three weeks.",0.1260561056105587,2.3403565148514858,1.945965346534656,96.10198432343238,87.81188118811882,4.158745874587459,20.297854785478552,5.46131890053228,-0.1984264026402638,372,12,82,2,12,122,70,101,0.154,0.753,0.093,-0.7184,0,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,1,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,23,24,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,7,1,11,21,4,17,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,2,10,44,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834196332317045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570853255392932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439191156115024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192649758438358,0.1088732307391649,0.1999031086274176,0.11843072547672286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697459607325047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704466017744348,0.0,0.0,0.11452364999544888,0.16986263156082204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718939263764955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935202779063755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318789340652106,0.3090315730882213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39990451271402017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656501923584692,0.16042593956800996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844258522481773,0.13352551428065626,0.0,0.0,0.12151171596260694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266644335664766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715490455728024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517076940788405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mindoutofsync,2018/01/17,"i can't even get a fucking job and i want to kill myself i don't know what i should do. no one likes me and i can't even express myself the way i want bc no one will hire me for a job, so i can't by new clothes. fuck the world i live on. how the fuck am i suppose to get job experience for a job when no one will hire me to give job experience. my mom is always on my case about being 19 and not having a job even though i'm fucking trying. everyone wants to judge me strictly bc the way i dress. i just wanna leave this fucking world. i don't wanna be on it. fuck school, fuck life, i don't wanna do anything anymore.",0.9835055591890124,1.9507725827338158,3.2604839764552014,94.19326357096143,78.56834532374101,5.917854807063441,21.26945716154349,6.11248444174946,-0.024358273381294808,475,12,119,3,11,164,70,139,0.196,0.7609999999999999,0.044,-0.9664,6,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,8,0,8,0,16,8,0,1,0,14,31,7,1,7,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,3,0,0,21,1,14,26,0,9,0,0,0,7,3,5,7,0,3,80,24,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967504559244842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496229403069316,0.0,0.0,0.07879742961329013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897339534514077,0.0,0.0,0.0914971043058265,0.0,0.1873316817738842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6196615750380654,0.10005508469461356,0.09185601606859334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5701267550884884,0.0,0.10593767622312804,0.0,0.052623925192792576,0.0,0.0,0.10138971989529487,0.0,0.0,0.06763392179383082,0.04678059521528506,0.0,0.08455258606512951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214599352627293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247986431773234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465628018029607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690821710555103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407787420782167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501071880988113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943467003678694,0.15201022591472416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Giraffe_Incognito,2018/01/17,"I want to say I’m doing good Title. All I want to do is be able to tell my parents or high school or college friends “yeah I’m doing good” when they ask, but that lie is so empty and transparent that I wouldn’t even attempt it right now. I just laugh and avoid the question or redirect it towards them so I never have to waste someone’s time with “yeah I graduated college and got a job in my field and everything is according to what the plan was for the most part. If I died any day now that’d be cool, I think I’ve thoroughly proven to myself it’ll never be worth it to wake up.”",1.9644000000000013,3.2348712400000004,3.633800000000001,91.2739,76.6,6.920000000000001,23.7,7.554174236665415,0.8496399999999995,455,14,105,6,10,152,83,125,0.1,0.722,0.17800000000000002,0.7472,3,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,7,6,0,1,4,3,14,1,1,0,3,21,21,12,1,4,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,13,5,12,13,3,12,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,6,7,70,21,5,0.20727895177021569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095679510187042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377783930344225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367777613195111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512282681141434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690579274987488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862889564271044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014320395999734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477115009232001,0.16577991302324452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21900159294938268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569237596499407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31973261189447205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015874613069834,0.2244629055807499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321998639992633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701509225881315,0.0,0.1648365420156149,0.0,0.20977736528655067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756267831892812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117094003679088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281598273711198,0.0,0.0,0.12086602367038747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24451699233306295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jonnyboy4071,2018/01/17,"I don’t know what to do anymore. Lately i’ve felt so alone and i have people that truly care about me it’s just the main person the girl i like i honestly think i love her she seems to have holes in her stories all the time. i promised her that i’d help her and she promised me the same and lately she’s been ghosting me even knowing i want to kill my self. she doesn’t talk to me in school anymore she doesn’t let me vent to her but i let her vent to me. even minutes ago she opened 4 snapchats from me did her streaks opened the pic i immediately sent back then left the text on delivered. like does she think i’m stupid or something?? i don’t get why she won’t help me she was my only source of happiness through all this i say there and helped her through three different boyfriends. three really bad break ups and nothing. No fucking help from her she just leaves me on delivered. i want her in my life but at the same time i also want her out of it and she doesn’t even care one fucking but i’m so done with everything maybe i need to write the not and fucking do it because clearly he main person in my life doesn’t care my mom and stepdad have said they’ll get me help but they bluff all the time i don’t get it.

i know this was all over the place but thank you for reading it. Good bye ",0.4846282973621108,2.5798780863309396,1.5642877697841726,100.35235491606716,84.68345323741008,4.8577458033573135,19.69832134292566,6.079149491110277,-0.3211529016786563,1020,29,247,8,30,319,131,278,0.049,0.746,0.205,0.9906,1,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,11,18,5,0,10,0,21,6,0,0,5,40,47,18,2,4,9,1,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,4,10,12,0,0,7,1,0,1,10,6,0,3,8,3,56,12,26,35,8,24,0,0,0,4,43,14,3,2,11,160,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111896184058456,0.0,0.0,0.10646157693146756,0.0,0.08220277574192322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388421113391747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904075156639599,0.08582707908057884,0.06266108759850472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144100772581562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073958277884198,0.0,0.0,0.08995402714265617,0.10519196921713483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036795647136354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923828782646956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869650054643002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850888179646533,0.16111383118786965,0.0,0.0,0.08621710561139002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942406260535956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444967657391296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372418793469605,0.0,0.16947548894356387,0.0,0.2319078490203204,0.10884195284530324,0.11168387734894183,0.21022369783777306,0.14521014821284026,0.10043801962872496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277385023883523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326844359965484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038882198098197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762190123323964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863175688404324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965456225182556,0.07817799599300508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712630738418952,0.17950812928905466,0.1073958277884198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281988011538827,0.0,0.06585122777796823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977787911758244,0.08174437436693002,0.0,0.10403105568707934,0.0,0.09357803366752128,0.10723453995352636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913435215811923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262036664433069,0.0,0.09463712117467296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317300069755858,0.0,0.0,0.17981663591714586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188826624186474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927538486860974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doesntmatter147,2018/01/17,"Can't take it much longer Throwaway account.
Been depressed for 6 years, with 2 failed suicide attempts. I haven't been happy with myself, what I've become and what I do. There's 1 thing keeping me from making a third attempt which would be making things harder for relatives. I tried fixing myself with meds and therapy but at this point I'm convinced it's nothing but another way to get people more money. I'm out of fucking options.",5.251071428571429,6.655196250000002,5.462857142857146,80.83214285714288,68.64285714285714,7.028571428571429,30.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.9828238095238089,351,14,60,3,6,111,66,84,0.117,0.838,0.046,-0.5422,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,13,15,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,6,2,10,11,2,5,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417819225686089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25465611231345003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985971384056591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316633769891125,0.12046787942141222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24545536561114326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494898631946684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30782621049323794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256121009574401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950191104302742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124652814395174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985427179322745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179714471822352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522157266587946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336652316113196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636868943031417,0.0,0.3063725499908841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654783479703982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302267817981727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637965274660599,0.0,0.0,0.148485154357045
suicidewatch,Godzilla11001,2018/01/17,"I'm going to overdose I am 14 and am currently In high school. For most of my life my parents have been divorced and I have been physically and verbally abused by my father. My grades have gotten really low and I have lost all my friends and people who ""love me"" don't even recognize I have depressions. For all the people who say life will get better no it fucking won't because no one in my life cares about me and if I kill myself right now they would be happy that I'm gone. I plan on overdosing on my Anxiaty medication really soon and hope that I can finally die after 8 unsuccessful attempts.",3.958916666666667,5.352557725000004,5.540000000000003,79.09166666666668,71.75,9.333333333333334,27.5,9.725611199111238,2.5925,477,17,93,12,9,162,80,120,0.191,0.665,0.14400000000000002,-0.6838,2,0,0,0,2,1,7.0,0,0,1,4,4,11,2,0,1,0,15,6,0,0,2,13,26,8,2,3,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,5,1,18,6,11,17,3,14,0,3,0,2,9,7,1,3,5,67,23,2,0.0,0.2191965899205742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277523025190772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636188406022107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862141410365385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934156745367972,0.0,0.1920024051685347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219178168630394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026601597028464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293174177498874,0.1710309556823758,0.09665567635531312,0.0,0.10514064655275483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693759442044967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954642991879409,0.0,0.1837482862959745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046768093417616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39201620640257184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019510502468309,0.0,0.16697112551060025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636960259669105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536184093033392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542233236088872,0.0,0.0,0.2565135674782068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370334655732469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799031636292554,0.0,0.14712066123232534,0.0,0.18723144950231235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314197960727916,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imaginary_gerl,2018/01/17,"I am desperate. I need this to be an accident. If my family ever knew the truth about my death, it would absolutely kill them, maybe even literally.

But I'm in so much pain that I can't continue.

No one ever talks to me, ever. I’m so lonely, and everyone in my small graduate program has their own social groups now and I’m not in one. and everyone goes out to eat and studies together and I just go home and cry. 

I have no friends, my family lives 2,000 miles away, I could fall off the face of the earth and it wouldn’t matter all that much. I’m so fucking lonely and just want a way out that will make it seem like an accident",1.5540909090909096,3.3361628939393992,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,79.15151515151516,8.036363636363637,21.60606060606061,8.841846274778883,1.37389696969697,490,14,110,12,12,168,86,132,0.221,0.696,0.08199999999999999,-0.9737,0,4,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,11,8,2,0,6,0,9,4,1,1,5,29,20,13,2,6,5,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,7,10,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,2,1,0,13,3,12,14,4,17,0,2,0,1,6,9,1,2,6,76,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895546551696565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350809561449547,0.0,0.18584246656396253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731191333325579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174551079508263,0.459114256178376,0.0,0.32332823316868525,0.0,0.0,0.31898630339913203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071239549056524,0.15640938564561754,0.0,0.0,0.0961520905270484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970697811375324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871788289863892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826555513001868,0.0,0.1493940079835982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293271955741775,0.0,0.16996970209477394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487418047163217,0.1254489984405906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22928911839481325,0.0,0.18002543526207396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402024036253098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172463440352806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598499808846562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979006606482836,0.13429167551658422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018461502133695,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eggdar,2018/01/17,"Why can't I just want to die, I just want my will to live to completely disappear God I've just been working so hard these past months really fucking trying for the first time in my life and all I have to show for it is shit. If I just slip up just once, all my hard work goes to shit. As soon as I just lose motivation just fucking once everything I've worked for goes to shit. I really can't fucking do this anymore. And I know as soon as I join the 'real world' things will get even harder. So what is the point of going on when things are never going to get better.


Fuck I just wish that I can truly truly wish to die. Because the only thing stopping me from killing myself is myself and that is just so fucking pathetic. I can't even get being suicidal right. I'm a fucking failure at fucking killing myself how pathetic is that. What am I even afraid of.. I just wish I can hate myself to the point where I can grow some balls and shoot myself in the head

I hate myself why can't I just let myself die",3.193285939968405,4.054709687203793,4.380360189573462,88.71183570300155,72.98104265402843,7.332827804107424,23.54533965244865,7.554174236665415,0.8505959557661926,788,20,173,9,15,259,102,211,0.294,0.612,0.094,-0.9943,0,0,0,1,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,7,22,17,14,1,7,0,21,12,4,2,3,30,42,14,6,6,12,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,2,2,0,4,5,16,0,1,1,2,28,1,24,37,3,23,0,1,0,7,0,10,10,2,9,123,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860189929158572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052873575842470086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671111075112765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094124408638964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700554113418038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186530469197736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795289401568936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377775817178478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613034644698042,0.13594823676162987,0.0,0.09858835024705054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539717748815504,0.17126805945062246,0.08901635344700716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919214844918192,0.0,0.04766794120306682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886936299504579,0.061264335482194426,0.0,0.0,0.07658964408971633,0.0,0.0,0.09703560938774976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923199865863053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689629617986026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474242133848712,0.0,0.06596678032200506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279950693682339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398746869913836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872477220771672,0.1111308475380265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407223160557172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26710035515362224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072515337909025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487531306407823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728710099466642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057656940046431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058888178911879335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231850322181044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565318394921187,0.0,0.2992270108425467,0.0,0.0,0.1894349361469984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoYouKnowDeThroaWae,2018/01/17,"I need help. Hello to anyone who reads this, first of all english isnt my first language so i apologize for any mistakes i make. 
I want to kill myself, and the reason i want to kill myself is pretty stupid. So i didnt went to school for like 1 Month because im a lazy fuck.Iam skipping school because iam addicted to csgo because i think i can be a pro player in this game (i know i cant, im basically lying to myself) and now im scared to go back to school because like i said i didnt went to school for an entire month and now im scared that my teachers/classmates will say something about me and i just dont know what to do.
Thanks for reading any help is appreciated.",2.3527462121212146,3.4576779236111115,4.101565656565659,88.9727272727273,75.31944444444444,6.347474747474747,24.202020202020197,6.574015621080383,0.6355361111111111,527,16,117,4,11,178,78,144,0.157,0.664,0.18,-0.1425,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,3,2,4,0,11,1,0,2,1,15,23,6,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,3,0,3,5,6,0,2,5,2,19,3,17,16,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,9,69,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091403696494528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085240023830654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775545491338348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528701102047605,0.0,0.27045172332803336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999189291569765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868897670441664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253939762174986,0.0,0.0,0.06303571490942528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486883607448025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792301820812705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24542266811654925,0.0,0.12191228454340265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837521553365008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403681682786589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706305132885444,0.0,0.0,0.08224228155652512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284072390631746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22189060895148047,0.0,0.0,0.11403939023685157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550583939698747,0.08820428980407491,0.22209110768227647,0.4490087767145077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538800847482231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021158963777106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107003877118148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084142259986972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563916864539936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bossdwarf,2018/01/17,"I feel like tonight's the night. I'm a failure.   I'm worthless.  I'm in an awful relationship. I don't even have gas to get to my therapist tomorrow, or laser hair removal, or even work for the rest of the week.  I do have gas to make it to the bridge. I'm writing my note tonight.",-0.4720374707259936,1.5279993606557412,1.9298829039812655,96.74737704918032,88.18032786885244,5.4529274004683845,23.46838407494145,6.868970318607317,0.6061269320843089,215,9,53,3,7,73,39,61,0.157,0.8009999999999999,0.043,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,1,4,1,1,1,0,5,11,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,7,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663648904560738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785098171415846,0.2522149343810192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445108702615728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724796229102489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565982655841636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33130818058491274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37903747898334494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099116690600617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831908600306905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570204713600703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lskauzjeje102838,2018/01/17,I really think i'm going to do it I have destroyed myself completely to the point of irreversible damage. Everyday i think about my mistakes in self hate and guilt that's insufferable. My therapist wants to hospitalize me but I think I'll commit before. I think opening up my veins would be the best option. What do you guys think please i need people to answer this i can't take it anymore,2.84171052631579,5.455180539473687,4.262368421052631,81.4240789473684,79.13157894736842,7.484210526315789,22.657894736842106,8.472884824447931,1.7497157894736834,315,10,57,7,8,104,56,76,0.14300000000000002,0.711,0.147,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,6,2,1,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,15,17,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,8,15,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309587406666949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426053963369054,0.0,0.2149136480173348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471759701375004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163864309932217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277352105274934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021869534548703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518486090124823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419750572160867,0.0,0.0,0.2247970624510712,0.19359200312895347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119321589002564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363981547049346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397600432595093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377760642529729,0.0,0.6561033038978759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078998567998897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547638357059794,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maciemayy,2018/01/17,"I’m so lonely Everyday is hard. I’m lonely all the time. I think I got kicked out of my house, so I might be sleeping in my car tonight. I kinda hope I freeze. ",-1.0991666666666688,0.674552972222223,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,88.72222222222223,4.711111111111111,17.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.5676999999999999,121,3,31,1,4,42,26,36,0.233,0.6920000000000001,0.075,-0.5357,0,4,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,6,8,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,1,3,5,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043880712813204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477059287855407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855202748817781,0.0,0.4478726887145482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117655378608296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884300594732333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24871068211188196,0.0,0.0,0.2263332361942707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youzz33,2018/01/17,"Goodbye I know I made posts before but thank you to everyone I've known here and thank you I'm a horrible person I've hurt people far beyond my comprehension and I'm sorry for being a piece of shit in my life. I'm sorry to everyone, thank you for this community and everyone here. I just cant be helped now",1.739743589743593,3.630577769230772,4.428846153846155,82.60532051282053,79.0,8.025641025641027,21.602564102564106,8.841846274778883,1.5535641025641025,245,7,51,6,6,87,41,65,0.235,0.631,0.134,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,8,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,3,7,8,1,5,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055740433684845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5408910454156346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647186699801893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199165623769194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369657825914813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327409991886438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853871691775478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081072005806724,0.1647528403046036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807084853087079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368288331174294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224357839239223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211485821905563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Afro_away5656,2018/01/17,"I’m not even good enough to be depressed I so badly want to kill myself, but the reason I feel the way I do is so fucking _insignificant_ in the grand scheme of things, hell, it’d be insignificant to anyone who isn’t involved with it (no, it’s not drugs) that it makes no sense to be depressed over. But for me, it’s what I used to cope, I poured hours into, and I just lost thousands of hours of work and I’m just so _done_.
I don’t wanna talk to anyone because if I told them what I’m depressed over, they’d probably tell me I have no right to be depressed either. I see my therapist tomorrow but I don’t wanna tell her about it because it’s so laughable.

I just, I don’t know

Edit: alright then,",1.8797427293064888,3.165317013422822,3.6659228187919446,90.8951705816555,76.85234899328859,6.3089485458612975,23.154921700223714,6.816661863887847,0.5437512304250554,541,16,123,5,12,182,80,149,0.256,0.682,0.061,-0.986,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,2,9,12,3,0,3,1,14,2,0,3,0,22,26,11,1,4,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,3,2,20,3,19,17,2,10,1,5,1,1,9,5,2,1,4,89,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183923897996315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303936353120797,0.19039694912387087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380285767367412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981393540121494,0.0,0.0,0.18110513112456994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136313992342702,0.0,0.1031473949958475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896315951800326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437466496377854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098618696087674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075877579865339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727765927324293,0.0,0.08582576865162507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704756609827791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424325549422288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837536042648307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056656407182507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336649439519696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244455608591648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552180585636344,0.2729951762944808,0.0,0.0,0.1813229156277051,0.10375098323804977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922507733271484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487888494776493,0.0,0.0,0.09211184671146104,0.12395877382998052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369205797404727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whocaresanymore27,2018/01/17,Tonight is the night for me. I can't take it anymore. I have a bipolar disorder and I can't live with it anymore. Even with therapy and meds it's not helping me at all. I can't take this anymore I just want peace and I'm going to kill myself 😔,-1.230519480519483,0.745754727272729,1.6342857142857168,97.34000000000002,92.63636363636364,4.5974025974025965,22.402597402597397,6.18269132825596,0.2939870129870128,190,8,46,2,7,66,37,55,0.17800000000000002,0.73,0.092,-0.6692,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,10,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,5,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6753268586383919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014542911995897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992200157999067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900127947287435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214381883638978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511261928588644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043264862809806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521300895608561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130108273139549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413301945366007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595780814199947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338821249801555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ravioliyeti,2018/01/18,"Absolute Failure at 25 My job is making me suicidal. I feel like an absolute failure since I only started about two months ago, but it is absolutely not what I want to do. I feel stuck in this horrid career of fundraising. I’ve been in it for almost 8 years, and I can’t get out of it. In college, one work study job in the fundraising office led to another which led to five internships, which led to full time jobs in fundraising, another one, and finally the current job I’m in. I’ve been absolutely miserable in it, but I can’t figure out to transition out of fundraising. 

It’s probably not normal to fantasize about jumping in front of cars, finding a place to hang myself, or jumping out of my high rise apartment, but it’s all I can think about every day, especially at night, and especially on Sunday nights before the work week starts. 

I feel like a failure even though everyone who looks at me thinks I have my life together. ",5.329761904761908,6.187779686813188,6.274450549450549,77.09138278388279,68.06593406593407,9.802930402930404,32.1996336996337,9.928628108626363,3.1800424908424905,741,31,139,17,12,246,105,182,0.138,0.835,0.027000000000000003,-0.9648,5,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,6,0,9,1,0,4,1,28,22,8,1,2,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,0,0,9,4,1,0,4,3,4,15,2,32,19,2,42,0,1,1,0,1,20,0,2,15,90,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781064611924826,0.0,0.13308333239102565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27872113500503304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130908135280487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571155336100836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778129394619201,0.0,0.11197665738506883,0.12699467958462374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015995164060791,0.18989211019610475,0.0,0.1455889324515166,0.12147109461888225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943642379727037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041950175546258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275435773579503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387344323542812,0.12985955665407425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111605194859422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871390162412496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608204667534572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494412541069409,0.1302168939267245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011726249466506,0.1010788537775206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885553134813985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329210163269904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993888011722154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881391032673012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537450288598486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031797686894362,0.13057669509508235,0.0,0.07749691038495067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982709082968302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838973628399297,0.0,0.10660691075144466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351018919613286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558528758916888
suicidewatch,ProbablyUnlikedPost,2018/01/18,"I Want To Die Happy If I attempt, I sort of want it to be my happiest moment. 

For awhile, I haven't really been proud of my accomplishments. No one else really is or they take credit so I feel always lacking. Other than the occasional good writing piece that was praised or doing good for others. 

I sort of want to buy all the foods I avoided on my diet. Takis. Sugar cookie dough. Chocolate Milk. 

Then I just want to put on good videos. Laugh. Alternate with the pills and the food, as if it's nothing. Ride the pain and just kind of let it become a back thought. I also want it to be on Friday. After classes. 

Call me a perfectionist and anxiety ridden, but I want to feel like I turned in assignments kind of like a ""done for the day/done for this life"" deal. So I don't have a fear of ""great you failed and you d idnt finish the homework.""

I just want to have everything ready and send off money to friends in need. To pass out to funny videos that I'll probably end up crying through, but at least die listening to the McElroy brothers or something that's just good hearted and warm. 

I want my room clean so that eventually the people come in and they can donate things or sell them or throw it away easier 

I want a neatly typed and signed and dated form requesting who they give what to. I'll probably do some legal research so I can confirm what goes where. (Tho some the debt collectors will take. That's fine. Their money anyway). 

I want it all organized. I want to feel like I prepared my death bed for a peaceful one. 

It won't be peaceful. I have a high tolerance to toxins (dads genetics). So I'll probably do some tonight and spend more time than necessary in the cold. Eat less. Try and weaken that ole immune system. 

Mail off the gifts I've been waiting on mailing. 

So that Friday night while the halls become loud, my neighbor blasts her music, I can just finally be done with it all.

Sounds so much better. 12x better then when I attempted out of fear for my life. (Ironic, fearing someone will beat and make your life hell, make you feel worse, so you try to take yours to save yourself from them). ",1.7506552943623888,4.209384215311008,2.9156355315165388,90.34379654670273,82.44497607655501,5.931433326399003,20.809444560016644,7.255503002510835,0.6628798002912415,1654,49,334,24,46,530,222,418,0.104,0.6559999999999999,0.24,0.9938,1,1,1,0,0,1,56.0,0,6,6,9,19,29,1,4,20,0,25,13,1,2,3,64,52,36,3,15,14,2,5,3,2,3,6,3,5,0,22,17,6,2,5,2,8,7,4,7,0,2,6,10,43,22,52,38,13,41,2,1,0,0,28,19,1,12,17,221,65,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379193184049545,0.0663749175153205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102372802181937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494641358449987,0.06133810191975762,0.0,0.0,0.17619909633555528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109992548596592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145395048543788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871467498167537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762345047632059,0.051444963422313236,0.08223922764216336,0.0,0.0,0.1655770506788473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326453382874448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816244859774718,0.06663748596509672,0.0,0.0706524230188644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169201064441295,0.0,0.0,0.2692898247988382,0.161336161280133,0.11397521431070652,0.0,0.08738398746684191,0.0,0.0,0.19291607364221666,0.0,0.06162999945422465,0.0,0.0,0.07652252276108774,0.0,0.2676287108315553,0.0,0.08794655725105043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491650410134788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945276735389164,0.0,0.08428124154001725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613607717038836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157009105037291,0.1690314431672686,0.11691457942609974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649400798702577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864002886404249,0.0591483437849219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485861409778882,0.0,0.07654133641677434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081082493247702,0.0,0.08488076004810886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530238009892308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25801621735235364,0.0,0.0,0.08019074643193493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220523567752718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758874734894378,0.061410738914233126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993103192176066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299555345442453,0.0,0.0,0.06332836205242874,0.046514449496720366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083170035619418,0.08676670610984602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175536614897365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129230688104495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReasonableReading,2018/01/18,"Stopped caring There's too damn much (violence, assault, death, neglect, manipulation, etc.) and the older I get, the worse I feel. 

I've turned to things I shouldn't to numb things. I've started drinking a lot. I've been thinking more and more about how to end it. I've started giving things away or abandoning passion projects 10+ years in the making. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I keep trying to think of ways that it could get better (parents to replace the ones I never had, a nice partner to help undo some of the damage of child rape/ make sex a positive thing, a safe house where no one's hitting me anymore, etc.), but those things are out of reach and I don't even know if they'd help. What if I had all those things and still felt like absolute shit?

I'm in tons of therapy, but I'm constantly being guilt-tripped about the price of it, so it likely won't last. 

I just want it to be over. No more nightmares where I wake up screaming, no more fights, no more anger, no more PTSD or panic attacks. I just want to be safe and happy. I don't even fucking know what that feels like. 

",3.5550280269058305,4.5674310807174905,4.079705717488788,90.63731642376685,72.27354260089686,6.83060538116592,26.04512331838565,6.9077264865688965,0.9056639013452908,853,27,186,7,16,269,130,223,0.245,0.606,0.149,-0.9716,1,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,0,0,1,1,14,25,9,1,11,0,14,9,2,4,2,41,39,13,1,7,9,1,3,3,1,2,1,1,0,2,17,6,1,6,7,1,1,0,11,15,0,2,4,4,14,10,22,27,13,19,0,3,0,5,9,8,4,6,13,121,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792868365389365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307318749570946,0.10796598986900277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016325691712984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716302869230025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418178990234227,0.0,0.09174990677552257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257249742414548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178017096541654,0.0,0.2563201691377486,0.15179993524816224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620848497730607,0.0820949678913797,0.11033597611939493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247327471390806,0.12007620487743838,0.22047298922073608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122328661012985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404958314573705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259594648845413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021413201133574,0.0,0.0,0.1263080480555513,0.09367068474886772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684243140417276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769622961476468,0.0,0.0,0.15341269098184893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447540661989224,0.0,0.08862917486439045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573812799186065,0.0,0.0,0.13482744895264356,0.12759899364985106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343289437718758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179581204296834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267420090167484,0.0,0.09177089735128316,0.096073698110423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141478747658486,0.0,0.4580646715732323,0.14726518998541832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801942714726491,0.12499401725554753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355591420117914,0.09121381030315967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710773019513705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400119393429587
suicidewatch,xera51,2018/01/18,"should i write a note? so i have finally committed to doing it tonight, but idk if i should write a note? probably will, but how long should it even be i have no idea what it normally is. should i be detailed or not?",-0.30533333333333346,1.944342355555559,1.7572222222222216,95.8225,92.11111111111113,6.555555555555558,20.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.9943333333333342,166,6,39,4,6,55,30,45,0.119,0.841,0.04,-0.5037,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,1,15,11,6,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738708892054216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542262775643968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680867719382297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36695015824659855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406266699043426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44706034197122174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,higgshmozon,2018/01/18,I want to get help but if I ask for it no one will ever treat me normally again I can't exist the way things are now and if I confessed to anyone that I need help I would just go straight back to being treated like a broken subhuman who makes everyone feel like they need to walk eggshells around me. Isolation is making me feel less and less like a person which is making me suck at literally everything I do which is making me feel less like a person and everything just hurts. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up and never have to unravel all of this.,6.26459770114942,5.174456034482763,6.801724137931036,80.73235632183909,66.24137931034483,10.491954022988507,29.67816091954023,9.725611199111238,2.355722988505747,444,12,95,8,6,146,72,116,0.138,0.662,0.2,0.6597,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,8,8,1,0,4,0,10,2,2,4,3,30,26,8,0,8,7,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,3,14,6,12,23,4,13,1,1,0,0,8,4,1,2,9,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462975121194567,0.0,0.0,0.14594020054133322,0.15326055494680102,0.0,0.0,0.1260587414158851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829194034462428,0.0,0.15665045384526782,0.29467506651026304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486769984639776,0.11711784045265265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565120473402693,0.0,0.1863402830197658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976931064193225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549976963444003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320368672963982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377214225748161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431169384444105,0.12643963238954967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062511908894414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108910628163347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862898998763911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405709515146746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891358812899858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933905862176792,0.13012690980400166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116457349262716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sloth_man24,2018/01/18,"I've set my date, and I'm going through with it. I don't think anything can convince me otherwise. I've set my date, and i know exactly how I'm going to do it. My method is fairly quick, painless, and has an extremely high success rate. The only thing i feel about the whole event is anticipation. I plan on making the night a big thing actually, I'm gonna get shit faced and play the shit out of all my favorite games all day. When i finally go to do it, I'm gonna sit back, get all cozy with a blanket, and pass away. 

The only thing i really feel sorry for when i pass away is gonna be my dog. Honestly i feel bad for him. Just typing that out makes me tear up. He has real bad separation anxiety, but there's a few people who will take him when I'm gone. I hope he ends up alright, and I hope he continues to live a happy life. 

It just seems inevitable at this point. I've called the suicide hotline several times now, and i have a therapy appointment set. (Funnily enough it's literally the day before. Didn't intend for that, but hey that's how it goes.) The calls didn't do anything and i doubt the therapist will. 

I just don't see the point in living i guess. There's no point and I honestly should've done this a while ago anyways.",1.9342319749216301,3.4674561762452107,3.8659369557645427,88.47616771159876,77.27586206896551,7.504075235109719,23.35788923719958,8.296473431620573,1.2151517241379306,966,30,217,18,22,328,139,261,0.094,0.7809999999999999,0.125,0.7717,0,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,0,2,15,14,2,1,17,1,18,4,3,5,4,38,45,17,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,15,13,0,0,6,2,0,6,5,5,0,0,4,4,24,9,20,35,6,42,0,0,1,0,10,14,2,5,18,127,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.11341791587787338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302561557786416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891108687147385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128499494034154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839265823072235,0.08936912714295182,0.19408446885065905,0.0,0.0,0.0988981137420742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23735551735043206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499098059137134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893756429538276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294001897858954,0.1200905214014368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629912883180918,0.0,0.0,0.12731777544076248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144454751565,0.0,0.19815843302099512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280339039969952,0.0,0.0,0.12372267178231484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279709927785447,0.0,0.2308734295537737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387370320101445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209248989224865,0.0,0.0,0.20525594650784412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155160923502418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090684059608229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678726796546376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057512840606064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32960790753746183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228842361200516,0.0744561081616884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261552729305578,0.1058060180715139,0.0,0.1313001045937889,0.2386046523705732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010331843550527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271302564115854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738602796357876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291234027798526,0.13494509024857218,0.2316423009408773,0.07447168396452945,0.0,0.0,0.06777118334204299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976001106249122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trapped513,2018/01/18,"Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a never ending wheel of misery I don’t want to be here anymore. I live life everyday the same even more depressed than the next. I don’t want to hangout with friends, eat, or try new things. The only time I actually feel normal is when I’m high. I’m stuck in this shitty life",2.563432835820897,3.5798966865671633,4.07779104477612,89.69370149253733,74.67164179104478,6.554029850746268,22.35522388059701,6.742157984588678,0.42025611940298496,246,6,55,2,5,82,49,67,0.207,0.68,0.114,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,2,10,14,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,6,2,7,11,2,11,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.22473651334189187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283926011899523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983543469162555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356511800944853,0.0,0.0,0.2039746610536128,0.0,0.0,0.15210890317095832,0.2083166934121296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328900227810975,0.16452412185022966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779267817333502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24332127536110934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253309639334979,0.11251141240311507,0.0,0.2033563454407556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776191347582635,0.22242214117525325,0.24492332185777355,0.0,0.22564202484488816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515113859338718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299899977002382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428795028948495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563564499549499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716701080603313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l1fe1shard,2018/01/18,Completely lost I want to die I am ready and satisfied with my decision but i have a dog and cats I have tried for 18months for there sake but we are losing our home and I have lost my job. I have screwed everything up. I have lost faith in people working with animals and seeing horrendous treatment and cruelty. I can't leave them i want them to die peacefully with me but I can't hurt them they are my world my everything I love them with all my heart. I don't no what to do I really really don't ,0.03857142857143003,2.373664809523813,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,91.38095238095238,7.19047619047619,19.88095238095238,8.192908349453996,1.271380952380953,395,13,88,11,14,133,57,105,0.265,0.52,0.215,-0.8885,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,2,0,5,5,1,8,1,0,1,0,13,3,1,0,1,17,20,8,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,26,2,11,17,1,3,1,5,1,2,8,3,1,0,0,63,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467980245268087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36561174209364017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166071722915181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872715908954925,0.0,0.0,0.17668312948778167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885618843148294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479211533852718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650719464651735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970559931595123,0.5768339873157298,0.0,0.15897354000248404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211353836172027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256800330356743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036105146486916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958773334915965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778428041194968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823227032181372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemonsOnMars,2018/01/18,"Just had yet another panic, this time at the dentist. I'm done. I cannot take it anymore. Im 24, Male, suffering from panic disorder. I have gotten so much better with my panic attacks but then one thing will set me off.

I just got a cleaning at the dentist today and was shaking and nauseous and panicking from the second I hit the chair. (Keep in mind I don't have a phobia).

On top of that I found out I need a root canal for a random abcess, a post and crown, and 2 fillings.


I just want to be able to do thing in life like travel or go out with friends or go to the dentist without being so uncomfortable that I want to die.

I'm in therapy and medicated but this is too much.


I guess it doesn't matter since I'm going to end it. I'm dying inside and I can't take it",1.4091738382099803,2.8146735662650606,3.7487435456110174,89.30481927710846,78.39759036144578,6.429604130808951,22.70051635111876,7.1686216300943375,0.6902251290877794,596,18,134,7,14,207,101,166,0.175,0.737,0.087,-0.9277,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,1,4,10,0,14,5,0,1,0,29,32,14,2,3,8,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,1,1,10,11,0,1,1,1,0,6,5,6,0,2,6,0,13,3,21,22,2,23,0,1,0,0,2,10,0,4,6,91,23,0,0.14148295668605454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835721621157394,0.0,0.0,0.14031307542801172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095728837318593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513017769829435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29367394352400805,0.0,0.16215172587074494,0.0,0.0,0.14478618652319505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531190525745364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512875932196066,0.10930938137199714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122407428210335,0.0,0.11315684517590223,0.0,0.1558594277192663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528258718182016,0.0,0.0,0.12575655265174768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993359645548112,0.06912142605662014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252919409923598,0.0,0.0,0.142857453995682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801250480378355,0.10490781965867478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587251305816943,0.0,0.0,0.4979992963953267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355015630037318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170361638152372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275515131340256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179809133244374,0.0,0.18798997938893072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249984981943681,0.0,0.13410929977047648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690062710088502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363845214142734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,timeforcollegem8,2018/01/18,Broken heart. I can't type a long post right now because I have no motivation to do anything. Everything I thought could have been is now gone. How the hell do you get over a broken heart?,1.6642105263157916,3.985217789473687,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,81.63157894736842,5.905263157894738,22.657894736842106,7.1686216300943375,0.6847157894736835,148,5,32,2,4,47,30,38,0.307,0.637,0.057,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,0,8,2,2,2,0,4,11,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,2,7,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,21,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432587677093025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019883461131134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601754783495185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656718489791111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544420720657396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7005896914605457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26160224115583325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831090874713572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524461340037032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346783538089885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JaackG,2018/01/18,"I keep using suicide as a means of justification and it just makes it worse ""Fuck it, ill eat loads of crappy food because im going to kill my self anyway""

""I wont say sorry and try revive this friendship because ill be dead soon anyway""

""who cares if i buy that and cant afford it, i wont need money when im in the ground""

Resulting in an overweight, friendless, broke, suicidal, pathetic, stressed out mess with along side other problems in my life and from the past makes it really hard for me to not do it, i have been reading up on suicide for years now but im to scared, i have looked for the easiest way to get a gun but im in the uk so its not realistic and the only other option is hanging my self which is looking more and more likely by the day! i dont think im depressed because i can be happy when im with family or that girl at work and even if i managed to trick her into taking a chance in me, as much as i want to i wouldnt because i hate myself so i could never see how she could like me or anyone for that matter, but i just feel like there is no point, i feel almost empty and when i look how far i have until i have to die when im old i think why delay the inevitable and just get it done now so i can be at peace you know? thanks for taking the time to read if you got to this point.

It is getting closer to the day, i just need to man up.",3.9777595736281093,3.288119969798661,5.541101460718515,86.55741215949469,70.77852348993287,8.08559020923806,25.58310303987367,7.048011613610866,0.9205485195420452,1053,24,246,8,17,361,158,298,0.184,0.6829999999999999,0.133,-0.8573,1,0,0,1,0,4,23.0,0,2,0,1,20,16,4,2,13,0,23,7,0,7,1,54,51,30,6,10,14,0,3,3,0,3,4,1,0,4,18,14,3,2,7,2,2,2,9,10,0,0,3,8,32,6,39,40,3,37,0,2,4,1,10,18,1,7,19,169,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293244492091477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057909794125335624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194564720815136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444069115042828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225034599368687,0.0,0.0,0.10682432654019132,0.0,0.07133289795710775,0.0,0.08595426914817922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475379664955397,0.09706463180799488,0.0,0.0,0.0847457181780288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470194647583166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807549301493089,0.0,0.0837527409333074,0.05916675171419401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014648798773068,0.0,0.0,0.07656592001797702,0.12981037419064678,0.0,0.0470686157513307,0.0,0.06623886211691242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816361952003499,0.07419061195062578,0.08176777946437523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262200298062923,0.0,0.0,0.07361437956712577,0.0916282561310094,0.0,0.0455158038961363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849834100775603,0.12138526669168373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864427218515744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056622385356388,0.0,0.0,0.09021545341332976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060882360244635274,0.1228202251583578,0.06387602697857812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690584496152433,0.0,0.0,0.06298847739206978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906123120313753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658367612179475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924772524031558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568518064041798,0.0,0.05305672676111724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586192970718972,0.08291744627870827,0.0,0.06599695910446343,0.0,0.17279901613533444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271040868745156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487023408322086,0.0,0.0,0.2717754974320956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245409335211165,0.0,0.0,0.07624969266409459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613565186528047,0.0,0.0,0.048293111816265215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622946440534008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153004247397156,0.0,0.0,0.048849486783483,0.06573880233747345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747323287938265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060294075970351524,0.0,0.08440083691166235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053333479268272616
suicidewatch,GooseNv,2018/01/18,17 suicidal no friends I have been suffering Crohns disease for most of my life. I'm left lonely nobody gives a shit until I'm about to kill myself. I'm going to hurt people if the loneliness doesn't end.,3.9614285714285695,5.045237047619049,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,71.38095238095238,8.457142857142857,25.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,1.9005619047619051,164,5,32,3,3,55,36,42,0.471,0.475,0.054000000000000006,-0.9741,0,2,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,8,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,7,1,4,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888106549769406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519290881765034,0.0,0.0,0.31280625596119593,0.18531913826407045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490760617847448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607599075474857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35428756185170884,0.0,0.2303203944366813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260632535403513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33471708386814725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35667928747179506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Endoftheroad719,2018/01/18,"I’m so tired I’m tired of feeling unwanted. A constant cycle between having hope and falling into despair. Not knowing if I’ll ever be good enough for anyone to love and want me. If I am good enough for that. Will working hard even pay off? 

A few hours ago I sat with a friend of mine and her friends. The way she touched one of their hands just reminded me of the things I’d never have. That human affection. I felt so alone in a group of people. They were all super close from knowing each other for years. The way they interacted with each other was something I wish I had with someone. 

I wish I could save myself, but I don’t see any other options. I’ve been told before to go to therapy, but that would destroy my career and reputation. In two days it’ll be a month since the deadline I gave myself. The date where I wished I would’ve ended it. Oh well, it’s never too late, as they say... ",1.8490473145780089,3.7706755543478323,3.317046035805628,90.55890025575451,78.78260869565217,5.633759590792838,22.236572890025574,6.522977012572876,0.4334984654731455,698,21,147,6,17,229,121,184,0.096,0.7490000000000001,0.155,0.8276,0,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,2,8,11,1,0,10,0,14,4,1,1,4,36,31,11,0,10,6,0,5,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,10,11,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,2,1,2,8,7,23,9,21,17,6,22,0,1,1,1,15,6,0,4,12,104,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149370532089653,0.0,0.0,0.13429015964745475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881742331307249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066230149301302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033234499674646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401179657269678,0.0,0.10352411817493604,0.0,0.0,0.08362090943212076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484156024995555,0.2679498796641983,0.0,0.08564016568445654,0.11728620591394223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556072564277761,0.0,0.1244953268309858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035223119346676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736895907947798,0.2175077471254855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615119221561875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878307743331668,0.12769041117101287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425170853343782,0.0,0.14626376466546367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702452207430875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349453334547212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000058091580763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786195503183862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989092439760599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311199026370664,0.0,0.0,0.10332338932168904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725729235859473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986172687694336,0.09981971985773444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827916961207827,0.0,0.08614130676581366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298053528484076,0.0,0.12389707318894502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266603973256578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647768335970444,0.20583844951719776,0.0,0.0,0.1165812163881845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44731280984980415,0.0,0.0,0.09439508077054416,0.0,0.0,0.18421554959866626,0.0,0.0,0.08349772348743377
suicidewatch,lyvanna,2018/01/18,"My hope left me. I live at home with my mother and she is watching my meds so I can't OD again. But the painkillers are still out. Her medicines are still out. The train is a ten minute bus ride away. I just want to fucking end it. I'm never going to amount to anything, I'm never going to get out of the house. I'm only 22 so I theoretically got my life in front of me but I have no real education past middle school and I didn't even finish that. I'm (obviously) depressed and I have crippling anxiety and chronic fatigue that has been ok for a while but I'm really feeling it lately. I feel so fucking pathetic. I'm just a liability. I think the only reason I've lasted this long is I've had someone to lean on. Well my boyfriend fucking left me for no good reason. The days since have been a blur of pain. I'm going to the doctor for the third time since the breakup last Wednesday tomorrow morning but I can't fucking talk to him, I can't talk to anyone but the fucking internet.

Dying seems like a really nice fucking option.",0.6995794392523393,3.0257247897196287,2.9670915887850486,89.03631962616824,86.14953271028038,5.2931588785046735,21.64411214953271,6.742157984588678,0.5750637757009351,811,28,169,10,25,276,118,214,0.124,0.775,0.101,-0.8008,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,15,6,0,14,1,16,11,0,2,3,29,40,13,2,2,7,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,6,0,0,5,8,9,1,2,5,3,22,6,22,35,1,32,0,2,1,6,6,10,6,4,18,105,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287130708426453,0.0,0.0,0.07574608116774298,0.0,0.08914544920156063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177856149340203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698631745373686,0.0,0.09330351730995892,0.0,0.1124282886159246,0.0,0.0,0.11087921287378863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959472459983134,0.0,0.0,0.07155021253959365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095486870325406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008898991917447,0.05659737578862058,0.0,0.18469741999620365,0.0908611363106066,0.0866405122336895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866271286511088,0.10759503427174187,0.0,0.12499699868287445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660501347524515,0.12219971043977605,0.0,0.23539931969506225,0.0,0.07651590120596226,0.05292402550247145,0.0,0.09565639771399727,0.09586766191235596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120328979773398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709984199634814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477801011849505,0.11526958053066658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341218659788903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330199711416508,0.13879652630241687,0.2227602895168389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963462371289903,0.0,0.09861855617222108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922156042889692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178671999508717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302318870423986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414132247814842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941278088106352,0.0,0.0,0.06316744900803099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389518814202562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740068511115577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway5214621,2018/01/18,"15, suicidal I don't even know why I'm posting this, not expecting replies to help, just venting I guess

Basically, I've been bullied at school for multiple years before albeit no one bullies me at my new school.

Everyone I have ever considered as friends has backstabbed me in the end

Today I found out that the last few people I considered as friends were actually talking shit behind my back as well, great.
The fact that I'm ugly doesn't help either

 In the past, I was just sad all the time, had some thoughts but never thought I would have the guts to do it.

Nowadays, not sure.

Like I said, I used to think about suicide but I never felt like I could have the guts to do it, nowadays it's changing though..
I think about it more often and think that I will maybe even do it one day. 


I wonder how evil I was in my previous life (if I even had one).
The only reason I'm still here is because I have a small piece of hope left in me, but I doubt it. Future will tell I guess",3.1258208955223883,4.281968447761194,4.136497512437813,89.27280597014929,73.47761194029852,7.151044776119402,25.837810945273628,7.554174236665415,1.144484975124378,762,25,166,9,15,247,120,201,0.177,0.747,0.076,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,15,12,2,1,9,0,21,4,3,3,6,38,38,10,2,5,9,0,1,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,10,0,0,0,7,4,1,3,11,2,25,8,19,23,6,24,0,1,0,0,7,9,1,8,16,116,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.1189718767313726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374544308758456,0.0,0.0743185167759611,0.0,0.10374105454165516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897036339393578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733955342179568,0.0,0.0,0.07862536889319499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798088779759676,0.0,0.0,0.2415719823454195,0.11027948952830538,0.0,0.11649542142537447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705793519874283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367398029828187,0.1883831232300614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441219600034082,0.2686071900698467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343469061943824,0.0,0.0,0.12108953417464186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670015339709649,0.09937735026234484,0.0,0.0,0.13246147538236766,0.0,0.0861124762559443,0.1191234453916473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122480439651218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880573965606162,0.11774668552400985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478391591159385,0.0927221810119972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638207643945388,0.08452081110944243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676128489982125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253493707807975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596949575620055,0.0,0.0,0.2467698552198652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514444067166064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736182279887093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26671139347884354,0.0,0.11490385340687917,0.0,0.0,0.0979910074947258,0.10655946265188428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343554614637625,0.11978129456437507,0.19357447246679868,0.0710898697802802,0.0,0.11556157590436712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529579092353894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961661630789947,0.0,0.11000971613804517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221208723110447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660522614152615,0.0,0.0,0.07850954211722176
suicidewatch,FrankWest21CP,2018/01/18,"I can't fucking do this shit anymore I'm a fucking joke. My life is a fucking disgrace and so am I. I fucking hate everything. I'm fucking tired. I can't fucking keep doing this shit. Everything is a fucking disappointment. Nothing ever fucking lasts. I'm just a pathetic angry piece of human trash. I deserve to die, and I think I want to die too. I don't want to keep fucking doing this shit anymore. I just can't.

I can't.",-0.16879370629370527,2.1450550227272736,2.6045454545454554,88.44604895104897,95.36363636363636,4.525874125874126,27.22377622377623,6.297961479604792,1.3739744755244765,334,18,65,4,13,116,41,88,0.424,0.525,0.05,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,15,13,0,4,0,11,14,3,0,1,10,29,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,14,0,0,0,0,11,1,4,29,1,2,0,1,0,9,1,0,12,0,2,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800478489831333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721107366627484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029999626715407,0.0,0.0,0.17943765078575116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8306030628471985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855932428970736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746314148846362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137301320592448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051135544539598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578750457111214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30741552868556404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396564881309505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473741647535372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776209261929875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ariz2797,2018/01/18,"I don’t think I have much longer I’m almost 26, and I feel like I’m just done. I don’t have any affection in my life. I’ve tried so hard to date, so hard to meet people, to be someone that someone wants to be with, but it never works out. I was recently seeing a girl that I’m ecstatic about, she wanted to date me, I was afraid of being hurt and expressed that, but she really wanted to be more than friends. Now, it’s like she’s completely forgotten about me. I was already so hurt before, so starved of affection and love and now I just feel even worse. Casted away, neglected. And all I have done is try and put effort in, but nobody wants to give any effort back.",1.8303333333333358,3.418592128571433,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,77.71428571428572,6.9523809523809526,20.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,0.6763095238095239,518,13,116,8,12,172,78,140,0.17800000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.3243,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,12,8,0,1,1,0,15,2,0,2,2,26,28,13,0,4,5,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,5,15,4,17,19,3,12,0,3,1,1,9,4,0,1,9,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448902847942106,0.0,0.17025169979748095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098312372446069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495103929955022,0.11863171560445973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312808268173015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175953389931708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31576379345425365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019004151516736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601710032320815,0.1102175873305741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919626364573815,0.0,0.0,0.14799933277043648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764089633068416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303196355298134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089724519585093,0.15074672677499862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924362811528962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341347399919488,0.0,0.1189901655553045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695825307290664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509390618685512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883565086546696,0.0,0.1523327831783348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294110108977807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26144170760454666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885632673276053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949184209347807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639931157025565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123176005314527,0.0,0.15722439281474096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HBKII,2018/01/18,"I've got nothing else in my life other than continuous failure I'm from Brazil, so I'll apologise in advance in case fhere are many grammatical mistakes, but bear with me. 

Three years ago I started a graduation course here in Brazil, Chemistry. Since then I haven't had much trouble with the chemistry specific courses (Organic Chemistry, Inorganic, Analytical Chemistry...) but I'm stuck on Calculus II, and I just can't do it, I go to the classes and I don't understand anything, I try watching classes on the Internet at home and solving problems and it works, but when the exams come, I can't do anything right, everything becomes mixed in my head and I try, I really do, to solve everything on the exams, but somehow I make too many mistakes to be approved. 

Because of this, my 4 year and a half period of graduation is extending itself to 6 years, and I don't know if I'll be able to keep paying for my roof and food until then. My family is in complete turmoil, my parents don't know what to do with their marriage and act irresponsibly, trying to convince themselves that they are 22yo, single and ready to party while in reality they are 45+yo with a small business to take care of while the entire fucking country goes through a financial crisis due to years of irresponsible public administration. 

Our family property is failing into bankruptcy, I don't know if I will be able to find myself a job after I graduate because of how many places are shutting their doors on this dammed crisis. The longer I remain in college, the less likely I am to find a job, and I don't know what to do when everything else ends and the ghost of my Calculus demise is still there as the last barrier to overcome so I can finally start fighting for a job. 

I've also got a brother that's trying to go to college this year, and I know that if I kms it will have an impact on him, and an even worse impact on my parents, destroying everyone else's future. 

I've taken antidepressants last year but stopped because they were expensive. I've looked for psychological help but they suggested therapy, which is also expensive and time consuming, which is even worse for me when it's common to have a semester with 34hours/week of classes and classes. 

Last year I promised myself that, if I wasn't approved on Calculus that semester, I'd give up trying and suffering and just kill myself, but now, with all the instability in my family, I don't want to destroy my brother's future. 

I've already bought some ""medicine"" and I'm planning on taking them all with alcohol and as soon as I feel their impact, I'm drinking clorox and cutting my wrist, I hope it works. Thank you to anyone that read through all of this and again, forgive me for grammatical mistakes. ",10.196937250130368,7.598265277246657,10.038916217625589,65.43034721015125,59.70745697896751,13.18021901616548,43.27559534156093,11.567385478589935,4.973050478011472,2192,102,389,48,22,725,241,523,0.139,0.767,0.094,-0.9793,5,0,2,0,2,1,57.0,1,1,8,7,20,21,6,1,22,0,36,7,2,2,3,70,68,49,2,10,13,4,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,21,31,3,3,10,2,4,5,10,14,0,2,8,3,53,7,68,55,7,65,0,2,2,1,22,24,1,7,37,266,74,22,0.15975027007168616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070804487819405,0.08536222777360232,0.0,0.0,0.08814419773310936,0.12775223326014454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055850551606455724,0.0,0.13146086066384405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607342283095093,0.08821581117644246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143802356773533,0.0,0.0,0.06880535620557426,0.08374755939704266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824722355362658,0.0,0.0,0.20017627790694592,0.0,0.0707456614456267,0.0,0.0,0.105513546741669,0.0,0.0,0.07632411450046049,0.21535986297533036,0.0,0.2258975058204594,0.0,0.0403872682533966,0.0,0.0,0.08749930616601022,0.14600885272536052,0.0,0.09658533034081362,0.0,0.0,0.07384327524985831,0.0,0.07662350782754783,0.09078975992815773,0.0,0.1277668844412277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197493252379072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053538619318940515,0.0,0.08012127306138221,0.07933403182779274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237791239762649,0.07099669006062365,0.08837000243134302,0.0,0.2194864265022757,0.19532668753941612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056418170064195285,0.039022956329599866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670749963632972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331727287701366,0.2429425500845029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058717414802174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766423463111962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773837697447434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345251555657213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642971685668754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798967503817643,0.0,0.051170056823686284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821292889028685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607353710851978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307206338686712,0.0,0.06378838601854246,0.06677918946175465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201123219274953,0.0,0.0,0.07353829277816866,0.09134417810053054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657583357822073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711498677388546,0.0,0.0,0.08315283252024562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711242413752895,0.0,0.06407101533188013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630009922872135,0.0,0.16279917305043712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600587770773848
suicidewatch,saturniper,2018/01/18,"I failed again, I've been trying to be better but something bad always happens and takes my will to live Today I got the results for my final exam, and of course I failed. I won't be able to go to college and don't have the money it takes to start it all over.
I lied to my mom, I said I went well because I am too afraid she will scream or hit me if she knows the truth. I am a big disappointment.
Tried killing myself last year and it didn't work, I just want to try it again to see if I will finally be at peace.

I am constanly feeling worthless and tired, I am not a good company to my friends or bf anymore, I always fail at everything",4.123695652173911,3.617368869565219,5.331702898550727,87.56103260869568,70.44927536231884,8.34927536231884,28.119565217391305,7.6454224807358475,1.3713739130434792,496,15,116,5,8,166,86,138,0.279,0.61,0.111,-0.9842,0,0,1,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,5,5,14,1,1,5,0,15,1,0,1,2,18,28,10,1,3,7,1,1,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,9,1,0,5,4,22,5,14,15,1,14,0,5,1,0,6,4,0,4,8,77,26,6,0.17130353197794804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28507652289096563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988707308995465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303129384827568,0.10442504311185777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515040532006275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395656882627354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661621286327839,0.0,0.0,0.3753092920626996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234868386937865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735574491451143,0.14368127518207716,0.13700708339822604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148314758949724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895219774038049,0.0,0.0941439412006905,0.13963524213987313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512641571627215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062862627123967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629488870251345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365067362433733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318778280499831,0.0,0.0,0.12124952162843194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575978741196391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688821024109526,0.16237571831884426,0.0,0.0,0.3489115606615938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010392614820655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402244797531947,0.15880009036020493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247110114951652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103138581868862
suicidewatch,Natnul,2018/01/18,"My life is guided by my death wish It has been years since I started to think seriously about suicide. The thing is I know it will be very painful for the few people who care about me.  But I want to die so badly ... Eventually I found a solution. I wanted to make it look like an accident. So I started to skydive with wingsuit basejumping in mind. What a cool/fun way to go, and my life would have been much more interesting before dying.

""He died following his dreams"" is much better than ""He killed himself because he was to weak for this life"".

I ran out of money before having enough skydiving experience to do wingsuit. So I dropped out of college, joined the military. Fed and lodged free of charge = More money for skydive, more fun and dying faster. 

But I got badly injured, and I'm stuck in my parent's house. I don't know when I will be able to go back to work, go back to skydive, and I really want to end everything right now. 

It was so painful to fake smiles today. Some years ago, I found a peaceful and painless way to go, and I really want to do it now ... I feel like I cannot wait anymore.

Sorry for my english, it's not my native language.",2.8859097096188755,4.509834047413797,4.227277676950997,86.50338475499096,74.90517241379311,7.125589836660618,25.572595281306718,7.85451343220497,1.376384482758621,897,31,185,13,19,296,131,232,0.188,0.655,0.157,-0.9352,2,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,2,11,15,1,0,7,0,19,8,0,1,0,29,46,14,7,6,3,1,1,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,10,10,1,1,6,1,3,6,3,8,0,0,10,2,25,8,30,31,8,27,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,15,118,35,2,0.10716782711968634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499781260492288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628168764855064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481088795970816,0.1789613184836176,0.06532851271635187,0.0,0.1823838551908352,0.0,0.0,0.09478123418626723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926474210978944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448931397295225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949188857317186,0.1107330131805817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963155327937904,0.10483069881680868,0.0,0.0,0.05418727342462914,0.07656071710744827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350079818758262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436237833426515,0.0,0.08571190131493409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365728386822172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856532247336653,0.0,0.11779327020834925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708741687142964,0.10471357414927686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899939838735767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153535677420632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820895527748617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756136764239714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280682478979294,0.0,0.11899718955913162,0.0,0.0,0.07429667763694651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373089084838367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152073880515302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865033403517285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996560850125396,0.15170787925018608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722420882674585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119754238699794,0.06866881637109531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158256930434384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842468089654472,0.2528414442313937,0.1701296658317091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323771229409655,0.0,0.0,0.07801945450579245,0.0,0.0,0.07612894959065271,0.0,0.0,0.1380251340596956
suicidewatch,NeuErotic,2018/01/18,"I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel numb. Just going through the motions. If I didn't have so many people/pets that rely on me, I wouldn't be here. The numbness is unbearable. 

I've started concocting a plan to kill myself. I don't want to, though, and deep down I know I won't follow through. But something has got to give. 

I've been off my meds for a few weeks; can't get more. Thanks US Healthcare system. I know that's why I'm feeling the way I am. I'm not stable. I just can't see myself getting better.  I'm going to have to deal with my bipolar disorder my whole life, and it's just going to get worse and worse as time goes by. I don't see myself making it through this year. ",0.0879000000000012,2.05388704,2.0689166666666696,96.927375,85.26666666666667,4.55,19.375,5.602791699666715,-0.3484999999999996,536,15,125,3,16,178,90,150,0.172,0.7959999999999999,0.032,-0.9547,0,1,1,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,2,7,5,1,0,5,0,16,4,0,1,0,19,39,8,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,5,9,3,0,0,3,4,19,2,17,33,3,15,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,4,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830497807943154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500931524046863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496174977592924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450035276448255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161917669343185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659966622776576,0.16279961355916364,0.2893473214127517,0.0,0.13573118748037782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877570298455156,0.0,0.2798016412650247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986995302848835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328157202019455,0.17205752469529284,0.0,0.0,0.18850760333564773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704709997442905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306496989759951,0.0,0.0,0.1201203700119633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624455190737555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667374900525176,0.0,0.09895824300808333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413812432914366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009832048784947,0.1347065064169467,0.13612971830850135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531352955981745,0.18947319604330365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458944025378323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928654632934062
suicidewatch,fml10xover,2018/01/18,"death is the only way out of debts i don't care any more . the only friend i have online is too busy for me and even said 'yeah' agreeing suicide might be the best way out of my problem after i said so . just another fake ass b- who only talks to me when he's insecure and needs to be adored . it's just hard to find someone who truly gives a damn in this world . i might just od on pills today and leave a note saying 'cremate' as what to do with my body . fuck my narc mother and enabler father who only care and ride on my academic achievements because that makes people talk positively about them in public . when i fail and have to depend on their scrapes of food they still treat me like worthless pos they wish was never born , in my mommy dearest's own words . i was wrong to ever have thought of supporting them if i did well financially and doing whatever favor for them . some parents just have kids just so kids can serve them and the status quo -- ain't that the truth . i'm glad i don't have kids so they won't have to suffer if whatever happens to me and they have to be under their shitty grandparents' care . fuck'em all and most importantly fuck my life",5.364578754578755,5.4458694871794915,5.703785103785106,83.93923076923079,67.8034188034188,8.395115995115995,27.398046398046397,7.957251820313856,1.5050559218559223,916,25,188,10,14,293,140,234,0.198,0.648,0.153,-0.9153,3,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,10,4,16,23,3,1,7,1,24,8,2,2,4,36,39,18,4,5,7,3,1,1,1,3,3,3,0,3,8,13,1,0,2,0,1,1,5,10,1,0,6,4,28,13,28,27,6,21,0,3,0,3,28,10,4,7,9,129,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837982475402992,0.12921373253252133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511773237728057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931861224757046,0.0,0.0,0.13687686521607093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769128967490483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138994294147854,0.11146542665891664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262679114903446,0.0,0.14900597635428006,0.0,0.0952044904088374,0.341762748658948,0.0,0.1182100900338175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896878948957618,0.0,0.1103867423826074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047907399311054,0.0,0.0,0.08703852318849374,0.06020224487098315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225464750758206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614476923568025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137089045007617,0.09503987565436584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748772328002047,0.0,0.0,0.13682844851776296,0.0,0.0,0.08542974139768375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791112110427315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443324555046036,0.09799466099898677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440941596157613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984088443371012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478979362378596,0.13983597510979598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198089590473362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782807871199073,0.0,0.0,0.11680431618475047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562292444756207,0.0,0.0,0.11079542495098936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170439683956118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472883642260658,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,victor89PR,2018/01/18,"The end for me. I feel like im coming to my end, i know that at some point in life i will suicide but im too scared to do it, i am 16 years old since a month ago, have no friends because no one haves same interests as i do or they are just too much of douchebags, have no family, only have my mom dad and grandma wich i hate all of them whit all my heart, i have no interest in living accomplishing anything because whats the point? We are all going to die at some point, and im a horrible person, why? First of all i stole frol my mom and dad 2000 from a credit card, second i am selfish and i love money, third i lie about everything and i also think im bipolar, im diagnosed whit servere depression and im kinda fat, stay all day in bed droped out of school tried to enter many times im litteraly done ive been like this since little and my full depression startef 3 years ago, ive been trying to search for whathappens when someone kills them self but nothing...",3.8246832579185535,4.0461225392156885,4.932941176470589,87.64554298642538,71.15686274509805,8.237707390648566,26.96681749622926,8.139509932561175,1.4345871794871805,754,23,170,10,13,249,123,204,0.222,0.672,0.106,-0.9841,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,3,2,6,13,2,1,5,0,17,6,2,0,5,26,24,13,3,0,4,4,1,2,1,1,4,0,1,2,4,10,1,0,3,0,2,3,4,6,0,4,3,1,24,7,20,20,10,27,0,2,0,1,12,11,0,4,14,101,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243391577091995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326970413885983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539671222080076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170326811774894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892383504694571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908830694784744,0.0,0.1578269784226814,0.09299392395093957,0.09508868257633504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376063512162852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229896107330555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234352303627195,0.0,0.08637262402276956,0.0,0.04632659829714803,0.06545443907067411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793322629381969,0.0,0.0,0.07078656651094864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207062670464899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904572920404436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857195374563756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6927688202960535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136564767067466,0.0,0.05035279657168836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064714995944405,0.0895233027847327,0.09182884252334142,0.080903489242774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269200762956272,0.0,0.0,0.09288985047165206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461205630976765,0.07313143082598968,0.0,0.06735236638240713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791332872113937,0.0,0.0961413829408335,0.0,0.06208511965746486,0.06968230190376824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000038566107373,0.0,0.0,0.25983588057236817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172913465931576,0.09272587942012993,0.0,0.0,0.09558123731160753,0.0,0.0,0.151580552192493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763062472783698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976563599474225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021908263332807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870737666823522,0.0,0.0,0.05342525072493821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441000883991513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267417966891062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180025222968171
suicidewatch,issuicidefreedom,2018/01/18,"Gonna die any day now in a painful way, I'm terrified, wake up every morning shaking uncontrollably and nauseous even on 4+ meds I DO NOT advocate suicide nor do I want to die, I don't hate my life, yet I am suicidal out of crippling doubt,fear,paranoia, epistemological insecurity, anxiety, nausea. I'm terrified to exist at all. I have mental health support and medicine already but it's not gonna save me. I need philosophical HELP because I believe my arguments are wrong but can't see how. Please get this cry out to someone who could show me how wrong I am philosophically. I've asked everywhere not a single response, am I to die without even a single word of advice? If anyone reads this you can help save my life by forwarding this doc or reddit to a professional philosopher who can guide me out of it. If you suspect I'm doing this for attention, consider what kind of person would pretend to argue for suicide anonymously and beg for help? Even if that were me, the rebuttal itself could help anyone else who thinks this way.
PLEASE HELP HOW ELSE CAN I ASK I'M GONNA DIE AND I FEEL LIKE I'LL BE TORTURED ANY SECOND Please share this with someone who could show me how misguided I am or else what can I do but act out my beliefs, been begging everywhere not a single engaged response, and getting blocked by mods... 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ABixpvw_sHpmhP7rPMUzzqnYnJq3fQEDK2rrM56qDq8/edit?usp=sharing",6.538638980263157,8.508530898437499,6.535049342105262,72.20764802631581,66.1875,8.670723684210527,32.223684210526315,9.134995656068208,2.906159375,1154,48,195,21,19,366,146,256,0.262,0.602,0.136,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,2,0,0,9,16,3,3,6,0,23,5,1,4,1,43,41,18,7,9,13,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,16,10,0,1,5,4,0,3,8,9,0,1,2,2,24,7,25,31,4,16,1,0,1,0,16,9,0,5,5,126,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332606417354784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539178497113144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298929095111289,0.0,0.07306081582296296,0.0,0.0,0.13355818027295172,0.09785582690401044,0.0,0.0,0.17856795997463834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058218764119565634,0.0,0.0,0.10760106526651364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287581377835199,0.0,0.1049074021622206,0.061592615191795264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964751022694401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393457060142452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923981355092076,0.0,0.08046680871285641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074693125139298,0.04829003384002127,0.06822855970189047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979450292369256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942910952729854,0.0,0.10151700471411536,0.0,0.0,0.3200738562507531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945342352203787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134915554302831,0.046658760624038204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608416517975433,0.0,0.09624625058803248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081550720661191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162370897056024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339099939970837,0.0,0.3145063645868584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553052104034424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761048618344528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184160430186487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133998439128156,0.1083775746778126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061195540147019216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056331132415606576,0.15161433305242875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920630996860506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784378175165683,0.20883874152100004,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StaffAf95,2018/01/18,"Not sure what to do Iv'e had moderate anxiety/minor suicide tendencies for most of my life but lately iv'e been having what i assume are intense panic/anxiety attacks which are making me seriously contemplate suicide... this all started about a week ago when i got into an argument with a relative which then got physical. He ended up having to get a couple of stitches on the back of his head but that was the worst of it fortunately.

Anyways, i cannot stop beating myself up over the fact that i allowed myself to get into such a stupid altercation that ended the way it did. I feel as if i am causing my family a great deal of stress from this whole incident although they are constantly telling me it will be okay. I then mix these thoughts with my normal negative thoughts about loosing my family, not being good enough etc and it is just pure hell. I don't know why i think this way.. I just don't know what to do. ",6.781005586592176,6.591252603351957,7.344072625698327,74.29108100558662,64.86592178770951,10.735418994413408,34.101117318435755,10.355215969177356,3.482572737430168,732,29,135,16,10,242,115,179,0.21,0.715,0.075,-0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,3,1,10,1,19,2,1,3,4,29,31,9,2,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,1,20,4,22,20,6,20,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,12,109,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996972081906727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216384462824927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680133636382116,0.0,0.11274167535387974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506190557498998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844405593173105,0.0,0.0,0.16223216305842394,0.0,0.0,0.15115870908943235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259723476588115,0.15149758098523305,0.16351997844140506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764404410832863,0.0,0.07413544170995524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532057231308436,0.0,0.0,0.12297784039446112,0.2345307029563361,0.16164898971051345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504743473528666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161156957445047,0.0,0.16539366660944868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356199215887132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786994135646196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436564003939993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720268960512247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377834063506464,0.0,0.0,0.1225808261335826,0.16795263368125538,0.0,0.0,0.32075681063963096,0.0,0.13818754822679827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815228077762084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394813046742256,0.0,0.2327996925809044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23276015062732705,0.11760966333826688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323016809576586,0.16369591500790426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rock4Ever89,2018/01/18,"I'm probably just gonna kill myself in couple of hours So yeah, I think I'm just gonna kill myself with all the alcohol and xanax I have in the house and I just fucking hope it works.

Since like 1 year or so my dad just completely fucking did a 360 and he's been regularly getting in fights with my mom which I had to stop or he would beat her and instead I'd get beaten/cut from the shit he threw around the house. He's just been fucking calling me an idiot, retarded and that I'm worthless like everyday for no reason, I just don't understand why. I'm one of the best kids in my class and yet he keeps calling me retarded because in his eyes I am shit at school for some reason. Everytime I come back from dorm school he's just ""amazed"" at how much I spend in a week even though he's been giving me like 8-9 euros per week that I spend on food and water while the other kids get like 30-40 per week and he keeps saying that he doesn't understand how I am so worthless and now he doesn't even wanna give me money, not even for the road to the school or anything and I planned on selling some of the stuff I got from my relatives to at least pay for the road since my mom doesn't work so she doesn't have any money for me either.

Now I'm just waiting for them to leave in like 1 hour or 2 to get to the pills and just take a shit load of them so I hopefully just fucking die already.",3.11985049833887,3.4866786843853816,4.274848837209301,91.21971511627909,72.78737541528237,7.61468438538206,24.35232558139535,7.554174236665415,0.8164430564784055,1088,28,258,12,20,357,143,301,0.126,0.747,0.127,0.1241,0,0,1,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,2,5,27,22,11,0,15,1,15,13,4,4,1,49,44,24,3,4,16,3,0,5,0,3,3,1,1,2,7,15,3,4,5,0,7,2,7,13,0,1,7,2,30,9,35,34,7,30,0,2,1,4,26,15,7,8,18,154,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652037933119173,0.0,0.0,0.09966599540498683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141800390809701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432240505796082,0.08040042324000829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944745947549551,0.0,0.05505581937732646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478111136621753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844455484734966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777992708741549,0.0946946490490234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993297983427707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373378990545027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895867683589295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092105134257836,0.0,0.0,0.33398289262445985,0.18874561186263414,0.17327874949131855,0.0,0.0,0.07223398729083695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940841155646076,0.17788621219309514,0.20842516696803748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055409130335685,0.19984263247659187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095631645191385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206192742267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115541077264104,0.0,0.0,0.06639268090664077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061200485741884275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737596609493644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857198613791862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182293960639216,0.0,0.2742139610585265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781243499166857,0.14942072229844225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550825308089397,0.0,0.0,0.10339025726924377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790642171113305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057870871290102474,0.08873505021902782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804436450753292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733823724830484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149617785975848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315023047850068,0.0,0.0,0.06415792314524045,0.0,0.0,0.05816056829057279
suicidewatch,PunchyMcHurtyFist,2018/01/18,"You ever feel like giving yourself a literal deadline? So I'm 26, and I've been depressed for as long as I can remember now, so I've decided that if I'm still not happy by 30, I'm just gonna off myself. Nothing has meaning, I've never been loved, I'm mentally fucked up, but for some reason I still feel a little hope that I can get better. But I'm only giving myself another 4 years to try and make it before I finally go.

Anyone else in my same shoes, good luck to you, I hope life can still bear some meaning and fulfillment to you some day. Get better and smile if you ever can, but if nothing changes, I'll be dead too so it doesn't really matter! LOL",2.7951428571428565,3.5892739428571434,4.957142857142858,84.45785714285716,73.85714285714286,7.885714285714287,24.714285714285715,8.238735603445708,1.4152285714285715,512,15,109,8,10,179,85,140,0.13,0.6629999999999999,0.207,0.9191,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,4,0,2,11,11,1,0,2,1,9,4,1,2,3,31,29,15,1,5,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,2,12,9,11,25,4,16,0,1,0,2,7,4,1,9,12,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146868274816201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793531089356752,0.1435111022178588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918330255167245,0.0,0.0,0.2477486946072724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816808936915732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032905218128316,0.0,0.12063606241197262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700466958365052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533900165901728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164012919367874,0.1000610399538098,0.0,0.1534321775856757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948599272488165,0.14635428019949115,0.2687223973622922,0.07960103444608342,0.11747820475380015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909967506548755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782283378772209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893064376904848,0.06842771020517048,0.1403799285594511,0.0,0.12395135338069878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641233194815624,0.0,0.09349314456195884,0.0,0.0,0.3051393502907709,0.0,0.0,0.14115056755663372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802522535745067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268788464847744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652422805637198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972794859361735,0.14400809832168107,0.0,0.0,0.15866408291026055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33556349416982745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950935875544153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901959841519924
suicidewatch,perplexistance,2018/01/18,"I want to kill myself out of sheer hopelessness when I think about my responsibilities I have an important exam in a month, and I haven't studied for shit. This isn't just 'another test'. It's gonna determine where I go in life. There's so much to do, and it's not that I am unable to do it.

I'm just not motivated enough. I waste all of my time and panic at the end of the day. When I see people not as smart as me far ahead in their prep I feel afraid. I just don't care anymore. I'm curious to see where death leads me.

I'm different from most people here. I have an amazing future to look forward to since I got into one of the best colleges in the world (at least in my opinion). I need to ace this one exam for me to get in, but I haven't started. I cant motivate myself. I just wanna end it all. I don't wanna slog to succeed, and I don't want the misery of failure. 

I've lost all hope, and I'd rather die than struggle to do in a month the stuff I put off for a year. It fucking terrifies me and fills me with dread. Every night I sleep, I pray I don't wake up. I'm done with this shit.

I hope I don't do something stupid.",0.5812785222745376,1.9628229282868543,3.010143064107208,93.80218308583844,80.67330677290836,6.157261861644332,20.17403114813473,6.980632752743323,0.13933306772908338,869,22,215,10,22,301,130,251,0.155,0.679,0.166,-0.0344,1,0,1,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,1,8,13,18,5,4,11,0,17,6,4,3,3,36,39,12,3,8,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,0,4,0,0,5,12,11,0,2,3,4,35,7,41,35,8,35,1,2,3,1,1,18,3,4,14,146,45,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515989395974725,0.0,0.0,0.14337902792818305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172198885295873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474033096118121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323857410774686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500454765953421,0.1510495521571515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794988006499052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561001404728012,0.1493840767930918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181022812596815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310119703211113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365676974407226,0.07553419454119838,0.0,0.08216500417118656,0.0,0.11562941240686248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871901439636249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995023280433085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211722516555803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214061444888429,0.0,0.15782011457938486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307959284970849,0.0,0.10627887188950773,0.10720013910922416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356733482510864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593480772025232,0.0,0.0,0.16962699260985722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004594705553537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533727612111694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041427216607965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968072358830497,0.1195934972495249,0.0,0.1446788819785492,0.0,0.0,0.1113004918336232,0.0,0.0,0.10233055541922643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114062864262326,0.1655031813279607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263748401158188,0.0,0.0,0.08430253727423095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054753879018547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310121992312087
suicidewatch,Greyaris,2018/01/18,"I don’t really know what else to do. For about a year now, I’ve been feeling constantly down, and it’s taken an impact on my life. My grades are suffering, and my relationships are too. I tried talking to my family members, but they all say it’s just “teen phase” or to “snap out of it”. It’s gotten to the point where, my days just come and go, like a blur. I’ve been losing interest in almost everything, and I barely get out (I’m an online student). Any advice?",2.036249999999999,3.5380367916666664,4.208749999999998,86.26125,76.91666666666666,7.716666666666668,21.375,8.472884824447931,1.1354625000000005,356,9,77,7,8,123,68,96,0.059,0.85,0.091,0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,16,14,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,2,9,2,12,10,1,13,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,3,5,49,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25320787369286024,0.0,0.0,0.25947002936460634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620965652173246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320788573476805,0.0,0.28001534843708703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711017726940064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646049198247805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23287925212891325,0.0,0.2442741255796656,0.0,0.13101824123269698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353788682471099,0.0,0.1472631745367629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424049053991628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302325794853447,0.12659234771528602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28988763572452314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449510024700472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659981261112582,0.0,0.0,0.2781965981080181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060616547773382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082698607811311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592464317581274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668639993075303
suicidewatch,Working_With_Code,2018/01/18,"I have the perfect opportunity to exit. Hello. Now I'm not sure how to start these because I am not accustomed to writing about these topics... so forgive me for that please.




my life has gotten substantially worse since my parents chose to kick me out of their home, the area I live in is incredibly poor and very crime infested. I worked for a bit while homeless but I just couldn't rationalize working somewhere I hated so much while also having such a meaningless existence. So I quit my job, I haven't eaten in almost a week and I've had a 103-105F fever for 4 days now. I can just accept death now, I can feel my brain burning at this point, even in this cold. I'm not really killing myself, it's cold outside, if I was alive in any other time period I would be dead anyways. I just don't care anymore. I'll just die from exposure.




I was a good kid, I spent all of my paychecks on my parents and was treated like a dog. Most people would do better away from their abusive family, but I had no one else. I still have no one else, no one ever asks about me, I sleep on frozen ground with a horrible blanket and I'm not sure how I haven't died yet. I am just ready to go..




I am too awkward, too scared, and too poor to do anything in this life. I hope my family feels bad when they hear about me but I really don't think they will. I have never been incredibly motivated, I lived to make my families lives better.. new fridge, new washer and dryer.. they have multiple empty rooms and I suffer out here. fuck my life.





I can take advice, but there is not much I haven't heard, and advice won't solve my problems, I am the only one who can.. but I just don't have the will. please forgive bad formatting Im on a mobile device... thanks. (tried fixing it)",2.236930978554696,3.9740330949720715,3.8451558839430535,88.06366642638315,76.98882681564245,6.853991710218057,21.88358262750045,7.717688229018142,0.8284880879437737,1360,37,290,20,31,453,193,358,0.234,0.632,0.133,-0.993,3,0,0,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,5,8,30,24,3,2,12,0,38,8,2,4,6,52,59,23,5,6,17,2,2,1,0,5,4,2,2,1,10,11,1,0,7,0,3,1,17,9,0,4,10,6,50,15,30,42,5,35,0,1,0,1,16,17,1,4,18,200,60,4,0.0,0.1152324424790372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900748519413391,0.0,0.0,0.09738782348157904,0.0,0.0,0.07777557854419508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613740695644671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964518067294418,0.0,0.0,0.0800333914572596,0.0,0.09092122027810376,0.0,0.09137520228924496,0.0,0.16240937535266314,0.05928634764697754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720300360969376,0.10617834992272857,0.0,0.0,0.1085698472035518,0.0,0.0,0.09915896163754064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272206653593469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018727218104709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248979687980009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423666289553201,0.08797360924486479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750528700519881,0.0,0.0983510995954536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991159383430843,0.0,0.0,0.055272819301108604,0.08157370853733828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602015327717676,0.0,0.0,0.10961456693614276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755568583066794,0.0965971406712798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505315635697986,0.0,0.09651156134192453,0.0,0.10759934115678338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608434178425472,0.047514363194875626,0.0,0.2576364579079926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491912726041008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298868333860387,0.0,0.07500981366251187,0.18786087869056528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636126981593159,0.0739675614710511,0.0,0.0,0.21598253062479728,0.0,0.0,0.0674250564760968,0.0,0.0,0.2135157390125954,0.09193834466587847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306084590150776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344371481822157,0.0,0.0,0.124609352714717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973702105302056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045115837015551,0.0,0.09732622520928527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883828894945095,0.0,0.07766875772558954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332523560968192,0.0,0.07312439939249157,0.0,0.0,0.08954024708637018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231771014839295,0.0,0.0,0.05671074877176933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603043186768487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024637565173627,0.0,0.0,0.07801288726129206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416070352968617,0.0,0.09911216068317798,0.13817572706812745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihavedied47times,2018/01/18,"On the verge of ending it. So apathetic about it. Please help me. This is a throwaway. 

I'm a 19 year old girl and I can't do it anymore. I feel bad just writing this and venting because I hate putting my problems onto other people. I just don't know what else to do. 

I feel hopeless and I feel like no one really appreciates me. I know that's not true and that many people would be sad if I was gone but it doesn't feel that way. I do a lot for other people, a lot, not trying to sound high and mighty but I do and while I don't expect anything in return, there is no one helping me make my life easier/more fun/happier. 

The crux of it all is I just don't want to DO anything. I have a therapist but I know I need medication and maybe taking some time off school for residential/inpatient but I don't want to. I've been to inpatient three times already before I was 16 and I don't want to go back. I just don't feel worth saving anymore. 

Every day is fucking exhausting because even if I wake up feeling good, something will drag me down once again. 

This is probably a super minor problem compared to others so I'm sorry if you took the time to read this. That's my main problem- there's nothing inherently bad going on in my life- I just feel like dying and don't feel like getting myself help. I'm not worth it. 

I just need someone to listen to me and hear my pain. Everyone in my life always talks about treatment methods which is great and helpful and important, but I can't do that right now. I just need someone who understands.

I can't do this anymore. Again, I'm sorry if I wasted your time with this incoherent mess.",1.2073879966187668,3.367523745562135,3.1881200338123428,89.40578106508877,82.25443786982248,5.87469146238377,22.37903634826712,7.110495986334442,0.7604731022823334,1278,43,269,17,35,430,165,338,0.172,0.705,0.123,-0.8761,2,0,2,0,0,1,34.0,0,2,0,1,18,20,2,0,9,0,31,8,1,1,2,63,64,24,1,15,19,0,8,3,0,2,6,3,0,1,23,13,0,0,12,1,2,5,16,12,0,3,5,11,40,8,26,56,5,32,0,2,0,1,12,12,1,7,17,180,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643916484505596,0.0,0.07271708428333276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600079267261705,0.0,0.0,0.14383221968416868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719899766427805,0.14593721776096225,0.10654661540347088,0.0,0.0743640933599437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636056331474688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069902306711183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300474132016622,0.0,0.0774033082345991,0.0,0.0,0.057721543727795976,0.0,0.07363146788092052,0.08350673157466361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35350387396108995,0.1872984308416554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079242851676602,0.0456586750130696,0.0,0.0993336923942049,0.07330020228532079,0.0,0.09634990830048798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303033159112273,0.0,0.0862814353409342,0.0,0.0,0.09849705344902138,0.0,0.23430786673943735,0.09233436927668877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408495314096634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851825080835777,0.12808584393518466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859498274569144,0.0,0.0,0.05833479004079385,0.08860169751395522,0.08779693718394707,0.0,0.0,0.08803817259522481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440002012363808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385491115816163,0.0,0.09170312673176988,0.09306955034449868,0.11843806323462977,0.0,0.09299117217022536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175967603096807,0.0,0.0,0.09593009280410042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422327854166276,0.25086681548753925,0.0,0.08785302468644764,0.0,0.0,0.08741557673463267,0.0,0.055985506386845456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463222835986434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844529599716686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809379270244946,0.0672785751710696,0.0,0.19565621532092703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570785322342924,0.07024232076652719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146876325550823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383574223893372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709564672742464,0.059333382037828834,0.0,0.0,0.09097807829659413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463806879517464,0.06936764408213356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208071771298127,0.0,0.0,0.056277535884380864
suicidewatch,a-gay-canadian,2018/01/18,I can't keep doing this I'm living day by day and I can't even get through those fucking days. I have medications I can't afford so I'm begging for change and panhandling. I can't afford to eat so I'm dumpster diving. My life right now is trying to find a way just to fucking EXIST on a basic level with my needs taken care of and I can't even fucking accomplish that. I'm done. ,-0.2559036144578286,1.886936963855426,2.574710843373495,91.38640361445783,89.0,4.765783132530121,19.143373493975908,6.2581,0.057699759036144986,300,9,65,3,10,105,51,83,0.062,0.871,0.067,0.0866,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,3,0,2,0,9,6,0,0,0,8,21,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,9,19,0,8,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,4,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081393515379813,0.0,0.2159582567638388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39496975483562624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891113081481008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889121804761498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696715887145416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865847585298064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5661860671199581,0.1066572949559398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145338483405665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144193594314751,0.0,0.0,0.18026370451358967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565452981679835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137087150712994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743386462948951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860100029032182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620407353728281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlentyEntertainment,2018/01/18,"My job is so boring. I know we need to work to live, but I'd just rather not live. I've tried looking for new jobs and nobody wants me. My only purpose in life is to make other people rich. I waste time on creative pursuits that won't lead me to money, and I have no friends. I need to just end it before I spend another day doing this boring shit on only 5 hours of sleep. I'm in bumfuck Nebraska with nothing to do outside of work. My life is screwed.",1.6759020618556697,3.035582195876291,3.4933891752577324,91.61266108247423,77.55670103092784,5.674742268041237,23.465206185567013,5.985473137389443,0.3926092783505153,351,11,78,2,8,118,69,97,0.193,0.693,0.115,-0.8309,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,3,4,6,2,0,0,0,7,5,2,2,0,15,14,4,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,11,2,14,13,0,10,0,0,1,1,2,4,2,0,5,45,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080650325669885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295406385032662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350292215058065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961389647065173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479539398687589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859085625026167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800722937026892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052444694437771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27052699659008106,0.0,0.0,0.33819947972040026,0.0,0.1608134160661935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278290458674949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839925548333306,0.0,0.18495378705967894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375129621886754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912917411862944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276334726941874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965740107985395,0.0,0.0,0.1916402612204384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166633335730844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001726086068566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295281812137532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788314164716355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayxsw,2018/01/18,"Constantly failing and it will never get better I can't do this. I'm studying engineering in a pretty good university, and I will fail my exam again. I failed one a year ago because I was too lazy to study, I sweared to never let it happen again, and I did it again. I have 3 days left and it's impossible to do it. I'm already behind on my course, I couldn't afford to be careless, and I was. I had so much time...

I tried so many times to study more and sometimes it worked, but a week later I was back in the same state. Nothing interests me anymore.

I'm almost constantly depressed and I feel like It will never get better. I feel like I will be stuck in mediocrity for my whole life because I'm just to dumb and lazy to improve. I'm just going adrift and I don't want to continue.
",1.5112727272727255,3.2827097030303065,3.5036363636363674,89.53545454545458,79.24242424242425,6.096969696969698,23.12121212121212,7.03164865440522,0.7214121212121207,611,20,133,7,15,207,90,165,0.206,0.7070000000000001,0.087,-0.9391,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,7,9,12,1,0,4,0,18,1,0,0,3,21,31,12,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,6,2,20,6,14,17,4,24,0,4,0,0,0,5,1,1,19,91,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017974740310407,0.0,0.15835230968221733,0.0,0.17450915547602025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568303492429822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159831900316798,0.0,0.19279884788261145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27972032413084996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417818796264572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019858925780968,0.0,0.13620398094624678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991859376210132,0.2259475600718505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524109949492832,0.0,0.08987343885587447,0.13263860608482395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984086316154098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718173407546528,0.16170676369536896,0.11169750777261853,0.15451642486725184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032705625088986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162495857060096,0.0,0.36589719795529335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517376239439478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715836467734777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608831424378859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640247191617318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844230157482936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736528471179928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932738576118438,0.0,0.1268487213408225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655536898992535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512630791441192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183565230198288
suicidewatch,ballznboobz,2018/01/18,"How do you cope with suicidal/selfharm thoughts? What do you do to distract yourself? When the voices get too loud to ignore.

I'm really struggling lately and could need some advice. What helped others might help here, only serious replies please. ",4.776976744186047,8.106958790697675,3.954697674418604,82.02693023255813,77.37209302325581,6.2306976744186064,27.20465116279069,7.554174236665415,2.0445479069767445,200,8,30,3,5,59,38,43,0.191,0.708,0.101,-0.5351,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,9,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011794895664209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608080562105045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102713490735346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131736680543789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34767458710659305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269623695765022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228533995328604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344077838892577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383223011009206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744737855906905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32220827330254304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468451137168215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jga2u,2018/01/18,"Has this sub ever actually helped someone, even stopped someone from doing it? Hi there, a few months back i was posting here myself. But my experience was rather frustrating because i felt like there's nothing anyone could say to stop me. I knew what the answers would be. The only effect it had on me, was calming me down a bit because i could rant about my life here and let it all out. But else, what could be improved to help people in these situations more? 

Well i had one idea, it's basically the same posts over and over, someone is in a really bad situation and wants to commit suicide. Due to the amount of posts, i feel like suicidal people here don't get enough personal care. I feel like somehow connecting people here, maybe only selected helping volunteers to avoid trolls, would be a great Idea. Just to chat and to talk with the people in need, giving them personal attention would have helped me way more at least. 

Sometimes there are people offering their moral support via DMs. I wish more people would get personal care. I know how it feels to get many comments but still feel so alone because you can find the same comments in every other post.


I know there are suicide hotlines and what not, but maybe there could be even more help, here in this sub too.",5.475413717354158,6.851416556016603,5.362060043934586,81.86911886746402,68.08713692946058,8.326189895045156,29.11422992433488,8.671277953709913,2.1665092018550154,1014,36,188,16,17,315,139,241,0.101,0.774,0.125,-0.1616,0,2,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,1,2,1,23,12,1,1,10,0,26,1,0,2,3,49,44,11,3,12,7,0,5,3,0,4,1,1,0,3,12,7,0,3,14,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,7,6,20,9,23,24,12,23,1,0,0,0,19,11,0,1,10,134,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.07914096528942371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399414823264588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056706335078523365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623601565451289,0.06771431168363949,0.14831166788621775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885391482494152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537175443154922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590039404366538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774784231167619,0.0,0.0,0.08379698844099505,0.0,0.10713030336776326,0.07335872554655201,0.06832943977291935,0.0,0.0,0.07933042373450029,0.0,0.0,0.16402444743042374,0.11587434211737276,0.07786779733947324,0.0,0.07412305419484905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271127049699325,0.07779758990345485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941197895160298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717948882702188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310189164561586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913982396540612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292926399900855,0.05728265100621805,0.11886268481142945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222169852499936,0.16294977417153442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473248075591855,0.0,0.0,0.06013391126184699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781671704428712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495480900706631,0.12335895020970256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337343182037025,0.21243766326384197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106818535365187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051954122291885015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449321244020924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231743988773508,0.0,0.0,0.2061448626605605,0.0,0.0802090251961755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476579886218264,0.1356048592169228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26612756367535184,0.09203023060239104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518433713814611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047834315555720014,0.0643726438560876,0.0,0.0,0.07291777741688704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325989473222457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044172738150384,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway36365267382,2018/01/18,"I am completely done. I am a 15 year old girl & I’m done with life. I know everyone’s going to read this post & think about how silly my problems are & how I’ll look back & see that I was being stupid. Or they’ll put it down to puberty (which it is not as I hit puberty at 8 which ruined everything). 

 4 years ago, I saved up money for months to buy myself a  designer cardigan which I desperately wanted, when I bought it (already at a 15 years size) I found that I was too fat for it, I decided to lose weight to fit into it. This added with how much I hated my body since the age of 8 soon lead to bulimia & of course I had to end up being one of those rare bulimics who never ever lose weight. I fully recovered about 3 months ago & I hate myself, I couldn’t even have an eating disorder right. 3 weeks ago my mother walks into my room wearing that very cardigan, that she, at the age of 30 after having 5 children can fit into, yet I can’t. 

My mother had me at 15, my grandma basically raised me & my mother has only ever told me how useless I am, she’s never proud of me but she adores my siblings, she doesn’t ever care where I am or what i’m doing.

I have no skills & no talents, my IQ is 140 but it’s wasted on me, I have no motivation to do anything, even if I want to do well in something or try to do something differently 
I can never bring myself to do it. I’m a mess.

I am fat (BMI 29), I am incredibly ugly & I don’t even have nice hair. I have deficiencies in basically everything because I still have very restrictive eating habits & I never feel well. My fashion sense is good but yet again wasted because I am borderline obese & everything looks disgusting on me. I look in the mirror & I want to cry. 

I have ‘friends’ who are popular but no one actually likes me, they just like my friends, who use me & they claim to care about my feelings but they don’t. My other friends at my tiny school are sheltered & don’t understand anything, like how I didn’t get everything I wanted for Christmas yet their little 10 year old sisters get MacBooks & iPhone X’s. 

I moved to this country when I was 4 years old & even though everyone assumes I’m British, I don’t have a citizenship & will likely never get one because of the price. Everyone also freely tells me how much they hate immigrants & how they ruin everything, I could get deported once Brexit happens for all I know.

I was going to commit suicide on the night of my 14th birthday (I spent ages taking pills out of those packets) but then I got a pet puppy who loves me & depends on me but recently i’ve realised that anyone in the family can care for him. I’m not that special.

TL;DR: My life is awful and not worth living

So, I don’t expect any replies & this was very long (I apologise) but yeah I want to kill myself & have felt like this every single day for many years.",4.290132908027643,4.65775983501684,5.643689526847421,82.44167464114835,70.17845117845117,8.676874003189793,27.752791068580546,8.6894789155246,1.8905696969696968,2258,72,471,36,38,762,268,594,0.142,0.721,0.136,-0.691,1,0,2,0,0,3,96.0,0,0,7,6,34,36,6,0,13,2,56,14,5,11,10,65,100,27,2,10,16,4,6,5,3,2,6,0,2,2,29,7,7,1,11,1,6,7,21,13,2,3,16,10,89,23,57,77,4,76,0,5,4,1,28,26,0,6,47,307,118,4,0.0,0.0,0.03560438159868565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702602899413852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026242661685196,0.029177274562925893,0.0,0.8301677637939461,0.0,0.024811249466330558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02551136425762671,0.0,0.06004857258435348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02805493718792512,0.0,0.06672328546470377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052693401985569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159755940982702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825413414928969,0.0,0.0,0.029130536559497357,0.0,0.040077379676964016,0.023529994771214244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038119364291701686,0.04181530518580531,0.0,0.0,0.07467424159249891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466712387319645,0.0,0.0,0.03231513900710523,0.0,0.0,0.09639276417566114,0.09900910540075523,0.030740431825697592,0.10458977918690718,0.1639531378176865,0.0,0.034395085874191884,0.0,0.036896119452606735,0.0,0.035031601656420906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000423911191592,0.08456533750467402,0.0,0.07624823608084784,0.0,0.041470864114473455,0.030602131615871525,0.029180620739522774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03226382292505256,0.0,0.0,0.1080650158385039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040365569481909315,0.0,0.04010272425282287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515412810028558,0.08912435282186268,0.036567847278616165,0.032217180981943996,0.032288334998572116,0.091915367829882,0.08163541759448167,0.0,0.0,0.03292940020877856,0.0,0.0,0.036990359155593816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824442343442845,0.03877809097297903,0.05364177485084229,0.0,0.1406985308956193,0.0,0.0,0.03423897464639528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485552834802605,0.03885564487238393,0.07417013363742575,0.027748708401630216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034942823949164786,0.0,0.0,0.034911496677372984,0.0,0.036677795428751256,0.0,0.0,0.036495165103333775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03602482390104909,0.0,0.0,0.031158239729874887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692506302198904,0.02907405369056649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030181010294093914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056176320067964934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029137201053839507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990898727931829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02743239868169417,0.0,0.03188975306975312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02337830168758293,0.03584661381516209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486325972896906,0.0,0.024771118083258638,0.0,0.0,0.0379824753464424,0.0,0.031511577557459015,0.0,0.0903125600180503,0.10759985162737216,0.0,0.029266300214994562,0.08885851210693903,0.06560931782887468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097198969086466
suicidewatch,thisisredloco999,2018/01/18,"I'm committing to living. Any support appreciated. The catch-22 of wanting to die is that while the best way to prevent it is to tell people, i would do anything not to have the police forcibly take me to a hospital and lock me up there. so i lie to my friends, my family, and my therapists just to avoid that outcome. I do try really hard to get better, and I seek support from people, but I realized today how much I've been intentionally keeping the door open for suicide by strategically saying just enough to get support, but not cause alarm. Even my roommate, whom I confide in the most, has no idea how close I've been getting. I've broken up with my bf, been cleaning up my finances, reading up on intestacy laws, trying to put my belongings in order, and updating the beneficiaries on my life insurance policies (ive had them for over 2 years). I even found my roommate's ssn and secretly made him the beneficiary of one of my policies (yeah creepy, i know, and he'd probably decline it anyway but he's dealt with a lot of my shit and it's the thought that counts right). 

ANYWAY what I'm hoping is that reddit will be the great intersection of anonymity, honesty, and compassion, and that these things will keep my scheming suicidal mind in check. 

I've always been best with short term goals, so I've decided to commit to living for the next two months, so March 18. That'll be right after my cousin's wedding (wouldn't want to ruin that). On March 18 I'll hopefully renew the commitment for another month or so, and if I make it to Dec 18 I'll have officially made it to my 30th birthday (god why does 30 sound so old).",6.924795955882352,6.275397490625004,7.459926470588236,75.10536764705884,64.71875,10.654411764705884,34.76102941176471,10.056822442137396,3.2862003676470586,1287,51,251,25,17,426,182,320,0.08800000000000001,0.728,0.184,0.9854,0,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,1,5,14,14,1,2,13,1,22,2,1,7,3,55,43,23,3,7,9,1,1,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,16,15,0,4,7,1,2,1,4,4,0,2,9,3,29,10,42,26,7,32,0,1,0,0,12,17,1,6,12,160,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159336107583874,0.0,0.0,0.07485652616643114,0.11542593591508395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058446554691554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310392488067598,0.097354670307703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307999246160674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424314452217275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632962825553833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373956124255682,0.0,0.1454104011078075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037713416743487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206943800195558,0.0850456618919579,0.0,0.17253296998632586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136091576781355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860788634770584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866374026498647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242641842261368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568401400281996,0.0,0.0,0.060495756802782616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775104706591507,0.0,0.0,0.19440103203639347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935840184106757,0.0,0.20831612729872293,0.07347763651621468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114697182226607,0.0,0.17572574137326602,0.0,0.08091968379474247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170687505121503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550789860879496,0.0,0.07459141409399808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262786179989668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868224445838994,0.0,0.0,0.11065836716385977,0.0,0.0,0.11010736421046358,0.0,0.07051851366212382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188011296311734,0.0,0.08753810635137071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112993049552773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240814002906552,0.3747441851256219,0.0,0.0,0.08276463756937552,0.0,0.09621265298817087,0.0,0.0,0.1278085495640641,0.07313065002068922,0.0,0.0,0.08738929928569328,0.0,0.0,0.10434067068802393,0.0,0.0,0.14947089637605765,0.0,0.10752979651778596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985321226613286,0.08737445586568185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932789055716734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819595146550205,0.0,0.0,0.07088634968685134
suicidewatch,plaidandsad,2018/01/18,"How much can I tell a professional without getting screwed? My suicidal thoughts are usually passive, like, ""everyone would be better off without me."" Sometimes, when I'm alone and recall a bad memory, I reflexively say ""I should kill myself."" Probably the scariest thought I've had is realizing that I don't have a good place to hang a rope off of in my house, I think.

I have a doctor's appointment soon, and I've never sought professional help before.

I don't want to die, despite what I seem to be thinking lately, but I would rather die than end up forcibly hospitalized or have the cops busting down my door. If I don't want to harm myself and don't plan to, should I be okay telling a doctor everything?",7.677028154327424,6.807701854014603,7.8910323253388945,73.34664233576642,63.30656934306569,11.332221063607928,37.81960375391033,10.608840637214634,3.9050800834202315,562,25,107,12,7,184,90,137,0.115,0.736,0.149,0.7625,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,0,8,1,18,3,0,1,1,23,27,8,4,8,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,1,17,4,14,17,1,13,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,3,7,71,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913699160278064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829288797525035,0.0,0.0,0.1307464188392982,0.0,0.0,0.1358925868746086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318932751613036,0.0,0.0,0.3145383861470259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608994476680394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682094017491132,0.13809238737947102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027675692906096,0.0,0.0,0.12887589313586822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298960525806153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729362077852318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169993021539093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332599462584775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750665392479829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295179907843447,0.0,0.11850578946384993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053349421962054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165662696659137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219012898502045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987888576494878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196562186399973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807019995635267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685970023483729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969078198738556,0.0,0.24396483306980324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692258198673844,0.0,0.18125570014309048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296229826658253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829975067827093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,melancholicguy,2018/01/18,"I'm tired of staying here (32/M) And really, there's no need for me to. Everything has ended in failure.",-1.552727272727271,0.20096690909091208,2.109545454545458,89.7343181818182,107.1818181818182,5.836363636363638,19.13636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.0455090909090918,80,3,17,2,4,29,22,22,0.35200000000000004,0.648,0.0,-0.8261,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957233511782874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015460686654953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312891450724223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862251331385958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762187233572294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135194125955692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WillieNederWiet,2018/01/18,What is it that makes me feel like shit? I just asked myself this and aside from depression i dont have an answer I wanna end it but not because of some feelings.,-0.2982352941176494,1.9840350588235296,1.2914117647058845,97.9153529411765,95.47058823529413,3.896470588235295,15.623529411764707,5.6839178017228535,-0.7174517647058827,128,3,28,1,5,41,31,34,0.139,0.8079999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,10,7,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432834944585499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238424047949144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162698011163615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303569976339161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252312161902844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713358559167848,0.26232856554630857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939592742617108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24510961022066116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769266901693591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D_rugged2,2018/01/18,"I dont want to struggle anymore I could do the whole laundry list of problems and sad shit but its all the usual shit, mid 20s, lonely, failure, yadda yadda. The main thing i want to talk about is what the fuck life is. Its a god damn constant struggle. The amount of work and time ive spent on things that went NO WHERE or hurt me in the end is insane. Im sick of it. From relationships, to jobs, to education, none of it has ever worked for me or lasted or had a positive impact on my life. Its this sense of defeat that makes me want to quit. Makes me want to fucking give up cause i dont know if i can climb the moutain again, or get back on the horse, whatever metaphor helps my point, i just cant get through it anymore. Im so alone, im so broken, im fucked from every direction and there seems to be no way out. But the really depressing shit is ill tie a rope, put it around my neck, and get ready then somehow convince myself the miracle is around the corner.. Sick shit. My life could be worse and i am grateful for what i have, but idk how long ill see a light in this dark",1.5813157894736851,3.2148518684210536,2.8814385964912277,94.70873684210527,78.56140350877193,5.963508771929827,21.049122807017547,6.742157984588678,0.1648080701754382,838,22,195,8,20,271,133,228,0.336,0.565,0.099,-0.9972,1,3,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,5,13,17,8,2,15,0,19,15,5,4,2,33,37,17,0,8,9,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,2,0,1,3,6,16,0,0,3,2,18,1,27,30,5,27,0,5,1,3,4,13,8,7,10,123,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056628095932288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925941494672993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287911225803426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466388023144835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974841249950757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493056785202867,0.0,0.15505284351107085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363205843455859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760087398037016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600174907992916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783247832573457,0.0818109092429102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693020617593379,0.15219217374642416,0.093147135232787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508406043093122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039475218731748,0.0,0.419538502874965,0.0,0.0963567334853003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336360193057719,0.07914943205051728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575373272065015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593041435301696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296299625983212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917908533534567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291155382596544,0.0,0.09761228502142233,0.0,0.10327776611296946,0.0,0.0,0.06220472460687445,0.0,0.0,0.10424902483706376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737610132770008,0.08839616222749473,0.0,0.0,0.3986868789434708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030199342539777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804527459014307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901780564050774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661977103233789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694189437006907,0.0,0.22908830288268825,0.07707343338008403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001264128571992,0.0,0.10840864440025293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137986340726555,0.0,0.0989531608370393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Noccilla,2018/01/18,"Questioning interest, itself, via life continuity. In writing this, I question rigorously to the precise thought in how my expression should be described. Perhaps it's a worry in the misunderstandings that could come. I realize that it may come off as snobbery, or pretentious, but understand that I am genuine in my expression.

The pain cannot be normally described, nor normally identified. I suppose my problem wouldn't be of any normal interest to engage, since it holds an abstract presence of understanding.

Nevertheless, to those who are willing: Please, and thank you.

--

Context: 

I am a sociopath, and not in the claiming sense, but in the psychological sense.
Lacking emotional sensitivity, I constantly wonder if I am shrouded by either dep or my psychological disorder. 


Actual expression:

From my early elementary school days, toward my current position, I've never felt connected to my own reality.

Perhaps at a few points I certainly felt involved. Of course physical, emotional, and mental abuse grounds people easily. Their emotions become quickly involved in the pain that their reality is currently experiencing.

Anyone can be beaten with a metal bat, and feel grounded to that experience. Same with rape, the death of another, or even victim to deceit. Mentally being configured to another's wish, abusing their perspective in how they reason. Etc.

...

By 'connected', I mean in relationship with what people find stimulating. Emotionally stimulating. 

I see people fly kites. The smiles that widen as their children and pets playfully associate themselves in that activity. People that have sex, and of how emotionally sensitive they are to the action itself. Even those who eat food, are quite satisfied. To those who feel compassion for family, and those who have done great lengths to achieve things for their family. 

I do not understand the drive they have in such pursuits. To me, that emotional motivation doesn't exist. But clearly, it does, since it influences other so heavily.


I can go on, of course, but the meaning should be clear.


I've tried to find meaning, reward, and stimulation to my own life. It is quite difficult to be interested in something that doesn't give you anything in return. Like a broken food dispenser, of sorts. I want to care about flying kites. I want to feel emotional sensitivity of sexual acts with the person I claim to love. I want to feel and taste the many reactions people have for what I find bland. There is this increasing frustration in what I cannot receive, nor experience what others lack the gratitude of. Even the simplest of things: Enjoying a nice drink, feeling content over a conversation, or even the raw appreciation for the stars and of our world that exists within them.

I genuinely want to care. I have tried.

However, since it cannot be helped, I've developed this overwhelming amount of envy in others.

To envy the simplest of things, I can be readily identified as faulty. A faulty mind which cannot function since even the lowest emotional rewards do not exist. Do you know how painful it is to envy someone who can smile about simple things, like the new pair of clothes that they purchased? Perhaps even in having meals in the morning themselves. 


To those who have found even a minor treatment, it would be heavily appreciated. But as you can see, the want of suicide is greatly influenced and decided by my lack of appreciation for the world I live in.

Perhaps I'm just picky. Maybe I don't want to smile at the general decision in being excited about new clothes. Or some other matter. But even so, what can I do in spite of these restrictions?

I care much less about complaining, I'd rather approach solution.

And again, to those who could even give the smallest of reasonable and realistic experiences or advice, it'd be greatly appreciated.











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suicidewatch,suspiciouserendipity,2018/01/18,"I don't want to keep going on anymore. It hurts too much I'm so fucking tired. I'm not even doing anything worthwhile with my life. I'm a parasite on my family, and they'd be happier if I'd never existed. All I do is waste space and oxygen. ",-0.30616352201257513,1.7065225660377372,3.2172641509433966,87.72954402515724,87.49056603773585,6.552201257861638,22.040880503144656,7.793537801064563,1.2457069182389944,188,7,41,4,6,69,41,53,0.195,0.6990000000000001,0.107,-0.585,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,2,9,13,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,11,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32342508084615434,0.0,0.0,0.26837036008113263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540029777309327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074385013269583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014942435079473,0.0,0.0,0.1853424695423473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34912000970514623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898719387644849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303493912756791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397369631374492,0.0,0.2515251488871024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748289034396589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235501983231845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Detroitar15,2018/01/18,"My story I’m a 42 year old male. I’ve had a wonderful life up until a year ago. I found out my wife was an having affair, and it broke up our family. We have three young kids. I was devastated but I figured I could start a new life, and at least I have my kids. Six weeks after finding out about the affair I started to develop severe eye pain which was diagnosed as ‘ocular rosacea’. I was put on a long term antibiotic and things improved at first. 8 weeks into therapy my face turned bright red and swelled to the point that I was unrecognizable. 

I figured it was the ‘rosacea’ progressing, but went back to the derm. They put started testing me for autoimmune disease and cancer, saying they’ve never seen anything like it. My eyes and skin were on fire. I saw almost a dozen doctors with no relief or answers. 

It turns out I had a severe, late onset reaction to the antibiotic that no one caught, including myself, I should have known better as an RN. 

My symptoms improved slightly after stopping the medication, but I walked around experiencing this severe reaction for four more months. 

It caused severe, permanent skin damage and swelling. I was always confident in my appearance, but now, trying to start a new life without my family, my eyes are constantly sore, and I look like a different person, ugly. Very ugly. I’ve aged 10 years over the last 12 months because of a awful medication reaction no one recognized. 

I can’t be in the sun ever again, the cold weather makes it worse too. 

Between losing my family, and my face, I’ve completely lost who I am. ",4.921212121212122,6.477228579124577,5.9645622895622905,76.34462121212124,69.6060606060606,9.171043771043768,29.324915824915827,9.573946990214177,2.825701683501684,1236,47,221,28,22,410,175,297,0.231,0.6890000000000001,0.079,-0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,0,1,5,7,10,0,0,21,1,20,18,7,2,2,38,37,17,0,2,6,1,3,2,0,1,11,1,0,4,12,16,0,1,7,0,0,6,6,5,0,7,16,14,33,5,31,18,3,53,0,4,8,0,12,15,0,4,34,149,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624370161903933,0.0,0.0974241258093211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095493866601601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006322473931811,0.08661072189444152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481172805461737,0.0,0.05930844725189701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604708104427572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994593217845946,0.0,0.0,0.10200906392238364,0.10513834912448228,0.0,0.07767993792237686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874957691618104,0.0,0.10164968454226614,0.0,0.09958273157792803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800640232598406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751553988803166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892334593467065,0.08275673073315812,0.0,0.10667592079873343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930616206772853,0.10974988591844023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616116187377415,0.09506414933942796,0.0,0.0,0.08610057192675574,0.08170097900021732,0.10884513160364646,0.10620597434627503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494332654272572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602339485848005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531547753918554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503777435351101,0.1879309057939991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209184090943968,0.0,0.13185548127207908,0.0,0.10352580433766123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849518323512203,0.0,0.0,0.09197261564351003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561114957260484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737069529249731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396501580551931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754557965607784,0.0,0.0,0.08134067017037933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112389122639917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126215700948126,0.0,0.06463664197374325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605504540039271,0.2116520406900246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027628832587642,0.0,0.0,0.1560839347586428,0.0,0.0,0.09019088239816324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378624871463527,0.10550928546175578,0.0,0.0,0.09914910577561066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795904060356367
suicidewatch,kcarbink,2018/01/18,"whats the point in fighting every time i think i get better i always end up back where i started: depressed, worthless, lonely. my friends all left me because i was ""too sad all the time,"" i'm failing all my classes and might not graduate. im ugly and unlovable and my boyfriend of 3 yrs has already started planning his future, starting with our breakup. every time i think i finally have a friend they leave me. im done really",3.522142857142857,5.3929897857142866,4.401904761904763,84.87642857142858,73.76190476190476,6.2285714285714295,32.23809523809524,6.868970318607317,2.0337809523809525,338,17,62,3,7,109,61,84,0.241,0.632,0.127,-0.8624,0,2,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,1,3,3,10,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,3,11,12,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,15,3,4,9,3,15,0,5,0,0,6,5,0,1,10,38,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650006541665715,0.0,0.1481650306858292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692162782806772,0.0,0.108547273974961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748475155973538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336783387060934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222316177688674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771346792562085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000562744103256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506240714327505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751464288658481,0.0,0.09303204399707136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846832937969608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885459976559814,0.19346903952351474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888997004717793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832976027930902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140735269231626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781077216152911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281947809383961,0.0,0.0,0.31149484300716185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeahimonlinenow,2018/01/18,I want to die but I'll still be wasting my parents' money I've already wasted a lot of money (I go to an expensive school) and I want to die before I waste any more but I also don't want to waste that money already spent,0.0030612244897980645,1.8195627755102064,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,84.51020408163265,4.736326530612245,20.004081632653055,5.6839178017228535,-0.05399102040816306,172,5,38,1,5,61,32,49,0.39,0.541,0.069,-0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,5,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51909232587417,0.18808726383619384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994228708424527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013565155689989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881955055714663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366809403996152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999564060167395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115886234488883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380323102422244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878289355039804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161765343392659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Captain_Braveheart,2018/01/18,"A poem I’m in an ocean



Surrounded by a sea



Filled with fear, doubt, isolation



All of it from me 


-----

I don’t know how I got here



I know it was caused by me



I sit here swimming,



Swimming in a sea of me


------


There is no light



No up or down



There is no love


Only me and my crown


-------

I am the king of the ocean



I am the ruler of this sea



I am it’s creator




The ocean is me",-3.8856589147286833,-2.638119488372091,-0.3191162790697675,107.56217829457366,110.16279069767441,3.223565891472868,11.547286821705427,5.2151,-1.7161541085271317,268,5,79,2,15,95,49,86,0.17,0.782,0.048,-0.8316,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,8,0,8,1,0,2,1,9,13,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,1,13,1,12,11,1,9,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,0,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355700771857258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771236638379941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911564469883426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660442733747688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826811938315365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322475015976397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the-unwanted-opinion,2018/01/18,"I changed my mind but how do I get out of the mess I am in. I was going to kill myself in 10 days when the shotgun came in. But then I decided there were a few things left to do. Now I’m refunding my stuff. The biggest problem is I live with my brother and help them babysit while they work.

Be honest or keep it to myself. Should I tell them the whole planning my own death, or just tell them I’m moving out because I have my own things to do now?",1.276122448979592,2.483383295918369,2.793622448979594,96.85227040816328,78.28571428571428,5.716326530612244,22.45408163265306,5.985473137389443,0.05534285714285714,345,10,85,2,8,113,64,98,0.174,0.752,0.07400000000000001,-0.9136,0,0,0,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,4,2,6,4,1,0,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,16,16,9,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,19,1,11,11,4,16,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,6,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909321629862914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260971139823744,0.0,0.0,0.24137864195734315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715384424300154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119211894914774,0.0,0.12967697481152035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294073239888795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281221133260088,0.25244156584291555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479125451620255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148249407880894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303914630233537,0.0,0.0,0.2425136603115458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833243034278427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612055107010957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39886959617306106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031783443827508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547489717630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611394335874685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bearguchev,2018/01/18,"A year to date and I still feel hopeless I’m not at an immediate risk, but about a year ago I lost a very important relationship with a girl and her father who I was the primary caretaker for. He gave me a reason to get out of bed, but now her and her loving family are gone and he’s dead and I didn’t even get to say goodbye at the funeral. I skipped town after a few months just to get away from it all and am currently living across the state at Uni but I just can’t seem to find a reason to keep going. I’m not saying I need her or him or any of that, I even changed my major a couple of times to see if the health field was for me since I enjoyed being his caretaker so much but it just felt like I was trying to fill a hole with smoke. I have since then returned to my original STEM major but I am now a year behind and even more lost in my math and science classes than before but I just have no strength left to overcome these challenges as I’ve always had a hard time with math and Calculus II is quite the doozy. I’ve had many failed relationships since and just avoid attachment at all anymore, the one girl I actually had feelings for and who would have been good for me I pushed away because I felt I was nothing but bad for her. I only speak to one or two friends about how I feel empty and take a medication to help but they’re all back in my home town and I keep that part of me hidden from my friends in my new city because they’re all I have and I don’t want to scare them off. I’m getting back to the gym after over a year of uncontrolled weight gain and seeing tutors often but I just have no hope for the future when I graduate that I’ll find a job or happiness or a life partner or any of that. I can’t talk to my family about this and even this post is risky to me, as I am a serious gun nut and tinkering with and shooting my toys is one of the few things I still enjoy... and of course the instant I am declared defunct by the state bye bye one of my last bastions of sanity. It’s a double edged sword because I find myself playing Russian roulette with and empty shell casing in my revolver some nights if I’ve had a bit too much whiskey, as I drink most nights nowadays and not just for taste, doing so alone, but I find joy in target shooting and general firearm function especially my antiques I collect. I have spent all of my tangible savings attempting to fill this void on illicit relief and firearms as well as anything else I think would make me feel better, and I even seized control of my stock accounts under the guise of “wanting to reinvest” and withdrew money at such a rapid rate my broker, who is a family friend, notified my parents he was so worried. I sometimes want to take it all out and just travel the world in my final days, jumping off the Eiffel tower or something because hey, that would be pretty cool and give my friends and family something to chuckle about once they get over the initial grief, especially since they know I am not a fan of France. So basically I am an extremely privileged white 21 year old with the world at his fingers and no issue making friends or just hanging out with my family, I have no financial concerns besides my horrid spending habits and some credit card debt I’m chipping away at to teach myself a lesson, and that just makes me feel even more like a piece of shit that despite literally being able to, though at the cost of losing more of my families trust than I already have, so anything I want financially, I just want to end it to avoid the stressors of having to get a degree in a field I’m not sure I even like and then compete for jobs with people that are much more qualified than I. I really want to make movies but that’s such a pipe dream I abandoned it as a child, and I have the personality for sales but I have a deathly fear of having to start at a low wage and work up hence why I’m a STEM major. Life is just proving to be too difficult, even with all the help I have, and seeing everyone around me succeed by their own bootstraps just drives home the point I believe I will amount to nothing. I have gone from being so proud of myself for all my hard work to being seen as a slacker and a “bad influence” as my most recent ex called me and that just hit me hard. I was once seen by those around me as a driven person with so much to give and now my SO’s see my coping mechanisms and my general disregard for my health and life and feel that even being around it is too dangerous to their futures. I feel I’d be doing the world a favor by just calling it now before I fall any farther from grace.

tl;dr found what made me happy despite being very hard work after dealing with depression most of my adolescence, lost it abruptly and now I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t even have the will to brush his damn teeth and is in danger of failing uni with less than half the work load of when I didn’t feel like shit.",8.168325216450219,5.557947104166669,8.164783549783554,77.32870129870132,63.5734126984127,11.227128427128427,35.50829725829725,9.339509955726095,2.9470765873015883,3883,127,814,52,44,1266,407,1008,0.133,0.721,0.146,0.9679,7,3,6,6,1,1,46.0,0,0,5,22,61,60,5,6,61,1,63,16,4,11,10,169,127,88,4,13,42,3,16,4,6,5,7,3,3,6,31,61,5,7,22,7,11,12,15,26,1,6,27,29,112,34,142,85,33,100,0,11,7,1,53,43,3,18,48,572,143,22,0.04920972486221598,0.0,0.048021592877370935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362145194545857,0.0525902302447412,0.0,0.050966434080741495,0.054304155062782,0.0,0.04094643319423074,0.0,0.0,0.10039290113902692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880282401579463,0.0,0.0,0.08099082124261721,0.1314212645846987,0.0,0.0,0.13870246917941167,0.07567848176801292,0.08217612953673932,0.1199911661114162,0.0,0.0837477027804976,0.055442508491091884,0.0,0.043522002654756455,0.05372427434254215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049726212279893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205736392756248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519289082081219,0.0,0.054449624576116136,0.0,0.031736201517164664,0.05073306554117706,0.04238426391611043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048206796027053855,0.0,0.0,0.04110841066840529,0.0,0.04358521000775202,0.0,0.0,0.3250255916352513,0.0,0.0,0.04702200094227718,0.0,0.0,0.27834329428043664,0.055374621587874304,0.19905532381703644,0.03515543727413505,0.09449810596620384,0.053906848234209236,0.17990718805892705,0.0,0.0,0.05395592333704067,0.19009655679273813,0.0,0.15426030110409109,0.09441290425310596,0.02796702067775181,0.04127478247484441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476933433388907,0.1763289908061128,0.0,0.0,0.10461527275611736,0.0,0.0,0.06596848255732468,0.0,0.098722732705036,0.04887636029290076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136216766825586,0.09766611748127632,0.08747972901563278,0.0,0.0,0.02704437783878853,0.04011249369719139,0.0,0.0,0.053466510048509365,0.0,0.1042748519239279,0.09616554355385623,0.0,0.043453088617289866,0.0,0.0,0.05505309476068922,0.1611546832740729,0.0,0.04441369796408294,0.04656343150599858,0.13139149386122048,0.0498909372385569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957362067305529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039278732896860326,0.0,0.14469923966896453,0.03648838745117351,0.0,0.047527058917132964,0.0,0.0923599864500113,0.0,0.09443611639783016,0.0,0.05163732827617159,0.10481350189316062,0.13338313249730804,0.03742621323284434,0.0,0.0,0.05464157588118287,0.053289336573099436,0.0,0.034115827137259164,0.08593606728422999,0.0,0.0,0.04651909598353572,0.0,0.04712931359365002,0.05006398140030608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052340599735730124,0.0,0.0,0.03152500983375623,0.10119158605292053,0.048588666595996234,0.10566565655319164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826709668832937,0.049267519292989816,0.0,0.15685511804252186,0.044798685326550194,0.0,0.0,0.10102615081663344,0.1628271717011618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576810073713736,0.04866967617813819,0.0,0.03483089653854033,0.0,0.07859789968351738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463795833094664,0.0,0.07399917774112805,0.03955291281300136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326927545877855,0.03153160469010658,0.048348304825707185,0.0,0.057389172602565264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03341017297026834,0.0,0.048070750737699466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120635334126101,0.17415102422245454,0.0,0.0,0.05992418770511498,0.04424545250150561,0.0,0.044404122605080115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330106313875074,0.04997486429446925,0.0,0.10487152993841052,0.0,0.0,0.15844724703530916
suicidewatch,throwawayhdjsisjsjsi,2018/01/18,"I think I'm broken. This might be a long one. I just needed to get it all out somewhere. I'll preface by saying I've had the diagnosis of 'severe, chronic depression' for a majority of my life. There was a small period where I was getting better with the help of an anti-depressant, but the bad days just creep up on me. This is just the tip of the iceberg and more things happened before to make me feel like this. 

A few years ago, things came to a head when I was going to university for something I really did not like. My already poor mental health fell apart until I was left with nothing. I tried to kill myself, following being unable to graduate from this program I hated. 

When I was in the hospital, I had an epiphany. I wanted to be a doctor. I'd do anything to be a doctor. There was a one year program I could take to prepare me for pre-med; as long as I received a 3.0 GPA, I would be accepted into pre-medical studies. 

I've tried the program twice. I've earned a 2.86 and a 2.89 respectively. There's no point in trying anymore; I've realized I'm just too stupid. I've done nothing over the years but get more and more debt. 

I still want to be a doctor. The thought of being a doctor was the only thing that actually made me get help for the sea of mental problems I have. But I'm a fucking idiot and can't even manage a B+ average, how the hell am I going to be a doctor?

Looking back on all the things I attempted, I've come to the conclusion that I just can't be okay. It's like there was some sort of mix up, an error, that made me unable to feel real happiness or lasting positive emotions. I'm broken, surrounded by people who aren't broken. I'm less depressed and more angry that I can't feel and cope like a normal fucking person. 

I want to be normal, but I don't think I can be. I want to be smarter, but I've already given it my all twice and fell short. I want to be dead, but there's still a small chance that I can do something that will make me feel okay. So, what the fuck do I do now?",3.5717274569402235,4.022559302600477,5.254031577169876,84.30125,71.81323877068556,8.028672745694022,26.691067207024652,8.07648339933343,1.5165407632556571,1567,49,336,21,28,536,193,423,0.181,0.698,0.122,-0.988,1,0,2,0,0,3,52.0,0,0,0,4,21,22,8,0,36,2,43,12,1,5,3,59,82,21,2,11,13,0,4,4,0,3,8,1,0,1,19,13,0,0,10,0,2,8,7,12,0,4,17,6,37,10,44,48,11,41,1,2,1,3,6,17,4,4,20,230,56,12,0.0,0.0,0.08057620659834923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319313903336859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223563839963444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188704694826097,0.0,0.0,0.0679479037865307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349107366722005,0.06894232775570028,0.0,0.0,0.07026081182490716,0.0,0.0,0.0730262714616465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944378457225083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112656496916056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592526050854011,0.0,0.0,0.053250685303671316,0.0,0.21335172374713893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225684067865211,0.0,0.0844975652990186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287990291936776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453656918093157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699907203558115,0.05898787622663084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290033278326003,0.1725572344566968,0.0,0.09385263174528033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301619477523967,0.08789707944524502,0.0,0.08152057557038253,0.084740428442453,0.08776782823994764,0.0,0.0,0.1106895827694086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135124161668944,0.0,0.0,0.06730540129257008,0.0,0.0,0.08971232109611074,0.0,0.058321486288403765,0.16135771932482998,0.0,0.0,0.14614333600208898,0.06933782992687652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625906814613075,0.1102319552546156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171642538799513,0.0,0.16642186034030693,0.08759350139650468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122445486584064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180173075402493,0.15845588555649573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190285657832268,0.06279804789783636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572434975804547,0.07209675790457508,0.0,0.0,0.07805514278357324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900814008345064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398250063956944,0.05289632336574841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566281306740639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328036291485037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713252045075346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188068582539172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062082207987178464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942280462553065,0.10581477796355024,0.0,0.0655511920723455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681784071561378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435090144916017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586552115155144,0.0,0.0,0.1595167175481962
suicidewatch,faceofu,2018/01/18,"Can anyone relate? Does anyone know what’s wrong? A bit of context: when I feel extreme emotions I write about it. The other day I was feeling, well, not great, and I wrote this.


“I hate when people say that suicide is selfish. It isn’t. People that think about suicide either think no one is gonna care, or think that the pain outweighs what it would mean for them to be dead.

Suicide is a difficult topic to bring up. You are scared that people are gonna treat you differently or they won’t understand, or just don’t care. It is difficult to talk about specially when your life is good, very good, and you feel guilty for not apprecianting it enough, like probably anyone else deserves this life a 100 times more than you do. They will just tell you, “but your life is good”, “you’re just a whiny bitch that complains about eveything. You could have everything and you would still complaining. Just kill yourself already if you’re so miserable”

I don’t know the reason behind it, sometimes I feel it might be depression, but the symptoms are not the same as what I found on the internet. I don’t have problems sleeping, I haven’t lost apetite or stopped doing what I like. It’s not even constant, it’s just I get down, and then in maybe an hour I feel happy and excited because it is a great day. It shifts so easily and in such a short period of time. 

I thought “maybe I am bipolar” but my mood shifts are too fast. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I don’t feel like I can talk about it with anyone else. It is easy to say “get help”, but for me it is so difficult. I know I am pathetic and I know I am doing this to myself, but sometimes I just wonder what’s the point. I don’t want anyone to pity me, and I don’t want anyone to feel responsible.

I’ve only told one person, but I don’t even know him in real life. It is easier to talk behind a screen, and when the other person lives in the other side of the world. He can’t have any effect on my real life, that’s why I told him.”

TL;DR: Suicide is difficult to talk about. I don’t know why I am suicidal. I can’t bring myself to talk about it with anyone.",3.0307345342829217,4.276648092165903,4.0579849183075005,89.3931245636085,73.83870967741936,7.196089931573804,23.289763999441423,7.686295010490155,0.8777812596006149,1648,44,358,21,33,534,177,434,0.217,0.67,0.113,-0.995,1,0,0,0,0,5,52.0,0,9,3,2,26,35,3,2,18,0,49,9,1,2,0,72,86,30,7,7,22,0,7,3,0,7,8,2,0,2,34,13,0,1,24,0,0,2,19,19,1,2,7,10,51,15,38,69,5,29,0,4,1,0,32,12,1,7,18,242,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428504119529795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045777287749013684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294831019506888,0.13794669356355474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103529788537028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349179686359672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372665947657825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727448394859333,0.0,0.0537464651337647,0.0,0.0,0.08682669067806237,0.0,0.057979298037149976,0.0,0.0,0.07033104521232245,0.0,0.0,0.05890881312879837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246800457332333,0.07572160390987878,0.0,0.06955557371004467,0.0,0.08892335931288059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049941158681942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382594628108481,0.048090668257863636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073808679707631,0.0,0.0,0.07033981598073696,0.0,0.0,0.16938476878570385,0.0,0.148432577548018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165928931219966,0.0,0.0664607578154418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512059379891498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629284414982327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447534199491689,0.0,0.2589663541718094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377369239931155,0.09866180621272236,0.0,0.05944139033682525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348352547479636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352562334194633,0.07332701755861967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714117931796681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123032556961036,0.051196962526561716,0.07162912564166997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000561953535692,0.11755572462163418,0.0,0.0,0.06363551661028158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257819102093024,0.06441246061862263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324102339054962,0.0,0.06921220972748933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706500257682236,0.06739520568985337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736476106274804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331547796176902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375876126885521,0.05627931239643785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681646901612633,0.0,0.0,0.06996725073881181,0.0,0.2705308419135645,0.058837278811778485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940040503256586,0.0,0.05344150075427663,0.07850517232091933,0.0,0.0,0.12864692482717185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007848217049349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554287048846733,0.07940961419748872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060525299730362137,0.0,0.12148470308196165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300148898194651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563891765657276,0.14719927669230676,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nottodaysunshine,2018/01/18,"I keep thinking about suicide. I can’t help but have this “if I go, I go” feeling whenever I drive. I’ve also had these thoughts of how much easier everyone in my life would have it if I were gone. My anxiety and depression has been through the roof. I’m scared to talk about it in detail to my boyfriend, I don’t want to scare my parents..but everyone can tell I’m struggling lately. Getting up in the morning is dreadful for me. My boyfriend can only sleep with it completely dark in the room so I can’t wake up to sunlight. (I honestly feel like sunlight helps) I’ve been getting severely sad and crying lately just because I feel like I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve failed. I tried and I failed. I also feel like I’m holding my boyfriend back from being successful. Even though he claims not, I still feel like I’ve set him back in life not only financially but just in general. I quit my previous job because I was being discriminated against my anxiety, my boss would call me out for having anxiety and then “punish” me by not letting me move up in the company. Yes, he told me that was the reason, that yes I was talented, a hard worker and good employee..but I have anxiety so I had to abandon my dream career. I feel worthless and stuck. I work at a job that I’m not truly happy at and I honestly just feel like I’d be happier not here. Not where I get held back because of my mental health. I feel old, like I’ll never get married or have kids. I just feel unwanted and useless in so many facets of my life. It’s getting harder to not break down at every moment. ",2.6623793142988177,4.335166222910221,4.2365462676298575,85.99599816534803,75.62538699690403,7.633482398807478,27.442839123953675,8.401726058763845,1.9089844971906893,1242,50,257,23,27,415,159,323,0.21600000000000005,0.613,0.171,-0.9601,4,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,6,21,24,1,4,8,2,26,7,2,3,1,50,54,21,1,6,16,0,10,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,9,10,0,4,12,1,0,5,11,12,0,0,13,10,44,12,35,35,1,38,0,7,0,0,10,21,0,3,16,164,53,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933037646545626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665684751440088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095631027898608,0.0,0.15931200946749807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895333044711372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133757337213937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095690849844415,0.0,0.0,0.07503132631176691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753810252297435,0.0,0.07339746434760272,0.16648268817480427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964279787444929,0.3111719824802547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756785026004697,0.0,0.0990180062389956,0.07306725152634076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273467775011478,0.07803720546842591,0.0,0.0,0.09259831293631532,0.0,0.0,0.11678161382836545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289478814224726,0.0774310969093177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196537207032636,0.0,0.0,0.08908016395229562,0.2461253216146735,0.2553575647539513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832011803614623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877906165178498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925886001145247,0.06403895494183554,0.0,0.0671878356408674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141169079698416,0.0,0.0,0.13250853775568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235106966532366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926566667737365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956789869194788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443300768229197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841424140504093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717710528289996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695695066245084,0.0,0.0,0.0910706684729233,0.0,0.09528878734013108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001908806832279,0.07614164391908128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581925700820665,0.08558925178406912,0.06915893805950211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324134408740214,0.0,0.05914481835113172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051382207760825256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342016963222415,0.0,0.0,0.12376684578341365,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,budmonger420,2018/01/18,"Why the hell does anyone posting here need a title anyways My entire life has been shit. I got dealt a bad hand and made it worse with my own decisions. Homeless and in and out of jail since I was 12, blah blah blah . I’ve begged and reached out for help but no one takes me seriously. Is 5:10 and I’m posting about suicide in reddit. I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m 22, have been extremely successful and have lost it all again and again. I had a little family but that ended a year ago and not a fucking day goes by does it get easier. My mom my brother have been to prison for very long times and my brother is headed there too. I have no one to turn to and It looks like I’m heading to prison as well. Ive done had and lost and had again I’m just tired of it. What the fuck is the point ? It’s gonna happen one day so why not stop delaying the inevitable? The only reason I haven’t blown my head off is because of my grandmother. She means the world to me and every time I try i fail because I can’t imagine what it would do to her. I feel as if it’s my most basic fundamental human right to an hero if I so want: I don’t know why the hell I’m  writing this. I’m just hanging in by a fucking thread and I’m just done. I have mental issues that I cannot seem to get help and I just perpetually think about suicide. I guess I’m scared to do it in a way, but I’m also scared to see what tomorrow has in store. I guess I’m just babbling now.. I don’t know how much longer I’ll stick around but I hope everyone here finds peace some way or another.  ",0.9848725490196096,2.496612055882352,2.885882352941177,94.55813725490196,79.91176470588233,6.062745098039216,20.450980392156865,6.88968998030894,0.13399215686274513,1209,31,292,13,30,405,171,340,0.202,0.6859999999999999,0.112,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,5,23,18,6,2,16,0,30,10,5,3,1,58,67,28,2,6,15,3,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,15,19,0,2,10,0,1,1,10,13,1,3,13,5,32,5,31,52,5,34,2,3,3,3,9,14,6,9,16,177,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423618654802667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599349479284874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964466835788674,0.0,0.0,0.0942417916993014,0.06644547017882982,0.0,0.0,0.08459466360554277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934403222188309,0.11585582095380954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225698124247774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631849305728286,0.1944923463423868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416620073853716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006480663017111,0.0908028932229873,0.0,0.0,0.08958351382830029,0.0,0.048048782888390935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868534561481994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26355430711383193,0.09929594210516887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600221005695755,0.0,0.20936711246169512,0.0,0.08403254574598983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925770351993189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738992296581678,0.0,0.0,0.09438379558225572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918406986140366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444930900291516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712076655857639,0.046425659308770295,0.09524256646247004,0.0,0.08409638851949333,0.07979920595963141,0.0,0.20746758544910926,0.0,0.0,0.0899173623922418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351285667621554,0.0,0.0,0.09576541639308997,0.0,0.0,0.11129511423132027,0.0,0.0,0.06985618086115486,0.07046172181560602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317937500312526,0.07227273139853202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796634945674997,0.0,0.1820202434673185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770414486090874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115300569146562,0.0,0.0,0.19027830394604095,0.0,0.15144930298243095,0.08650950956405531,0.0,0.0,0.09754441114270378,0.07860776864818803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944728412377143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207889425070044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144888882190457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060889814904727814,0.0,0.0,0.1108226533869394,0.10922018585701752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451746646224057,0.10336268300257843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840767814758166,0.0560497091441568,0.15085688686278906,0.0,0.0,0.08544117686588618,0.0,0.2572427410215349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684118855516027,0.0675048427282548,0.0,0.0,0.06119462449794555
suicidewatch,pleazehelpme,2018/01/18,"I am feeling overwhelmed in life and I don't know what to do. I have started going to community college to get a degree in computer science. But the problem is that I'm working at the same time. The first class retriggered my depression, and I slept through the second. I have no idea how I am going to do this for 3 years. I get overwhelmed by dispair how I am a criminal and how my peers are probably throttling me (i'm in my mid 20s). All I can think about is how killing myself can end it.
But my girlfriend saw me type onto this subreddit on my phone. And now she knows. Now I am going to lie about it so she, or anyone worries about it. Noone can know. If they know, I could get in trouble. I would rather live with the suicidal thoughts than tell someone. 
I'm all alone with my feelings of dispair and I don't know what to do other than wonder if I will ever be brave enough to end it.",1.1072859174964442,3.217889372972973,2.9414224751066875,91.31642958748225,82.29729729729729,6.056899004267424,24.331436699857754,7.273561745256523,1.0405135135135135,694,27,150,10,19,231,104,185,0.153,0.8079999999999999,0.039,-0.9723,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,2,12,7,1,2,7,0,21,2,1,4,3,35,43,15,2,6,6,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,11,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,3,3,26,1,25,36,4,21,0,3,1,0,6,8,0,4,10,115,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096900517145636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542501351928999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317997948776477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217976139319555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924167691782903,0.17056768895898658,0.0,0.0,0.14932073949486396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693482338379095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041360519976612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587362711646086,0.0,0.28144957298620643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635076918070093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826321930929405,0.0,0.4536074043608454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659809715542037,0.0,0.0,0.1457651779356563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797990370793526,0.15795548741615198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398684028664438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168416789958307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056640757184747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428374515889186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057740684150434,0.0,0.13105194583192012,0.09625717322041487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901793633566654,0.1201773316435631,0.16764274342733526,0.0,0.11726529082503025,0.0,0.0,0.10630356502818013
suicidewatch,khoifish1297,2018/01/18,"My friend try to attempt a suicide today. What are something (encouragement, positive things) I can say to her? I have a friend who try to OD herself today. When I found out she was in the hospital because her mom called the cops to stop her (we're in college), I drove to the hospital immediately to check on her. Apparently, she was on the hotline with a lot of pills in her hand when the cops arrived. She's a bit better now. I know she has a lot of family problems and things that she can't control, but on the surface she's a very bubbly happy girl. It broke my heart to see her at the hospital today. I told her that don't worry about school or family at the moment, just try make herself whole again. I then had to leave for class.

Planning to visit her again tomorrow but I don't know what to say to make her feel better. Growing up in a bubble community, this is the closest I've came to see someone I care for can just leave the world, it's a scary thought. Any advice on how to talk to people with suicidal thoughts would help a lot! 

",2.878649544324773,4.3633962629108005,4.309616128141396,86.48102734051369,74.63380281690141,7.265285832642918,25.674951670809172,7.928766900206844,1.3744716376691517,816,28,172,12,17,271,117,213,0.103,0.7490000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.8784,1,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,5,9,9,0,0,19,0,13,3,2,4,0,26,27,8,3,2,5,1,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,10,5,0,2,6,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,9,6,28,7,33,17,5,31,0,1,2,0,30,15,0,4,12,120,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490288958427088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996196331382023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167884218200238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798909525311604,0.12837257630669185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200676287241794,0.1344861355806306,0.1198859407644899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188179226594207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169771003109265,0.0,0.05945460655045357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892609477830538,0.1816920566440577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517162428872816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933901969137918,0.07881487618550229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924349375633126,0.0,0.0,0.2490114825573377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999001782533998,0.0,0.0,0.1569780585979306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771435673992208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151876737357301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251314934118536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870169297748837,0.0,0.1190024927495705,0.18740034980857773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962955233308377,0.09052282615746016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830648634852668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25723823228258624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094510523974044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623675459021028,0.0,0.0,0.18669901747689435,0.0,0.0,0.33437104187062794,0.1123576907817976,0.0,0.23949788237433456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702009862825008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127966862042062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941347107183199,0.0,0.08352914732473547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akamokyu,2018/01/18,"If only theres a pill that will kill me and make others forgot about it I am a failure and a pussy, as someone who have been failing with life and got addicted to gambling, as someone who refused to do any health exams due to the fear of needle and pain. 

I visited this sub two years ago, I tried therapist afterwards, it did work, but things have been a lot worse for the past two years. I really dont know what to do right now and how to recover from all this. 

I really suck at everything, not only I wasted my 30 years of life and I still dont know how to kill myself successfully and painlessly. 

Last time I tried to push myself over the edge by spend all my saving. Apparently I pussy out and look for a therapist, she was really nice, I stop thinking about it but I still didn't know how to live and why live. Now, not only things are worse than before and I had lost my common sense of money, I constantly spend more than I should which results in 30k in dept right now. 

I really wish I will just die slowly or peacefully. I have full time jobs for years but thats not going to help my dept at all since I make so little money. I failed half of my life, and I dont know why it will be worth it if I live another 30 years. 

If theres a pill that will kill me and make everyone forgot about me, that would be great. ",4.73804347826087,4.384305956521743,5.716485507246379,84.80233695652177,69.14492753623188,9.508695652173913,25.221014492753625,9.188382445141503,1.5681492753623192,1028,22,231,18,16,341,137,276,0.188,0.711,0.101,-0.9786,2,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,5,16,13,4,1,9,0,24,8,0,7,3,49,40,25,4,6,11,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,0,18,14,0,4,5,0,6,3,7,9,0,3,10,1,32,4,32,22,6,33,0,3,1,0,6,10,1,5,20,158,50,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930356729644073,0.0,0.0,0.08074743303223413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194558487546509,0.09551775210835592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751245912592454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843793396704803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945389636396438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202769259094732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704217083089258,0.08186748537647398,0.0,0.0,0.10250366159161513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176960024419774,0.0,0.0728544776107239,0.10042909140005693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682638190935956,0.0,0.0,0.06105695007809399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903946100957182,0.0,0.3023389225659059,0.0,0.2002468043628121,0.07425201945638321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302261266317375,0.0,0.09129796910810616,0.24130732976670036,0.0,0.07649421588638787,0.0,0.09943751995978564,0.0774430373987255,0.0,0.0,0.1824135610759168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783838078896227,0.09692815586452087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695748257871397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334230986693942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558389240947051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535212353320392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543636657827525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549214567879182,0.07615686936064643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152932844434394,0.12103476129208993,0.05836798237015892,0.0,0.0,0.1062327860451562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236907798431486,0.0,0.1779670117746147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643924608879099,0.0,0.1047511373961638,0.0,0.0,0.0663159551274915,0.0,0.1856607642883128,0.06470904003285442,0.0,0.0,0.2933008393467171
suicidewatch,Guerilla713,2018/01/18,"I'm just not cool enough or attractive enough Been dealing with depression and anxiety all my life. When I was younger I was able to mask the pain pretty well but when I got older (especially after high school) the mask was torn off.

I'm 26M and have never ever had a girlfriend. I've had attractive girls show interest but I somehow would mess it up. r/Rateme gave me a 4.75/10 rating my game has to be super on point in order for me to have success.... something that has never happened.

Right now I have this oneitis over a girl who added me on IG. She's so beautiful and her photos of instagram are all with beautiful people. We worked together and she showed obvious signs of interest but she also has a BF who she's known for 10 years and been with off and on for 4. She acted like she was going to leave this dude but then changed her mind?

I'm trying to be more social so I got more active with IG. I followed some people I thought liked me but they don't want to follow back. I know that sounds so kiddish but it showed me something. I even messaged a couple of them just to say what's up and got NO MESSAGES back. I just unfollowed like 60 people who I ""knew"" and it feels horrible. You can see them following new people all the time on the feed but they can't follow me? I'm just not cool enough.

Never having a girlfriend or getting the girl you like, being overweight (though changing), not having many friends, not being that talented or having a unique skill, etc., starts to take its toll on you. I have random bursts of tears for like 10 seconds at a time as I just lay in my bed and think of the failures, no one has my corner besides family, and how old I'm getting and that I'm running out of time. It sucks!",2.589059829059828,4.352187037037041,3.6641680911680936,89.6312948717949,76.06552706552706,6.617321937321937,23.66581196581196,7.42949916751922,0.9338895726495728,1354,42,283,17,30,437,184,351,0.127,0.723,0.15,0.9529,4,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,1,3,4,4,20,20,1,0,14,2,28,4,0,1,8,58,56,31,0,2,19,0,1,5,4,1,3,2,1,3,15,17,2,0,6,4,0,7,11,4,1,2,14,6,40,16,38,37,10,45,0,1,1,0,33,18,1,6,24,198,55,3,0.11238249106334193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987223750067884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597229805905164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283039734105934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377715483169633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434908881244534,0.0,0.0,0.11586141358768255,0.0967948748771791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34836346500574833,0.12533618450551506,0.07422757544282109,0.1016563971858299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594421078894747,0.0,0.05682396419766165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682643381871546,0.0,0.11743042632866475,0.0,0.06386955952682008,0.0,0.2696476333178776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937946569843692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873827203533835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176247803236405,0.0,0.0,0.11899683128537045,0.0,0.0,0.07937907698314803,0.27452204237329275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393820680877075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347427932698807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600289158065831,0.108539710168603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792651960115802,0.0,0.07615328442624955,0.0,0.11958289404615913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116474761122161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062377792861536,0.0,0.0,0.1143333956462575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597403332059516,0.0,0.08937106759647308,0.0,0.11373708077095156,0.08955429516731578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145597969782578,0.0,0.17303506426461834,0.0,0.0,0.07954490560414049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449764710605295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201016246728838,0.11041522687266027,0.08921914465822595,0.19659340288526286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763003344515511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662861049591005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104535606054307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181579196312154,0.0,0.0,0.07983329724020792,0.0,0.0,0.07237063964008883
suicidewatch,RedditWarningCall,2018/01/18,"I'm cancer. Gonna relapse for the last time. I'm cancer in everyone's life I have been in. I am a destructive force of nature that will ruin your life, happiness and soul. I get paid next Friday and I'm going to od on my old drug of choice. I don't know if I should write a note and tell everyone it was on purpose or just let them think I relapsed and O.D'd.  Actually I think I should write a letter, it kills me though that really....I don't have anyone to say goodbye to. ",0.6629411764705893,2.5120623529411823,3.0801568627450986,91.14670588235296,82.33333333333333,6.432941176470589,19.023529411764702,7.554174236665415,0.4201458823529407,368,9,84,6,10,127,68,102,0.2,0.765,0.036000000000000004,-0.9552,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,4,0,11,5,0,0,0,14,21,7,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,12,1,10,13,0,9,1,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.21834268800545936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644759427312288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594729798135599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275955654927927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689744403664735,0.0,0.12715934862631542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238180542422028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754051461679,0.0,0.12296431248824592,0.18238190721436792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287942578112285,0.3160751944593158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23795517539376265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23478257137431466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793087702184324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955628518861084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867333177699599,0.21982816903032676,0.0,0.13046741536095605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1witty_username,2018/01/18,Nobody cares but I just want to die I'm sure no one will read this just like my other posts but I'm just done living like this. I'm miserable and I don't think that will ever change. I don't know when or how but I'm going to end it. I can't go on living in constant emotional pain and I can't change my thoughts and feelings so I don't have any other options. Living hurts too bad.,-1.0906765327695531,0.9258846046511628,1.3172304439746334,99.54373150105712,92.48837209302326,4.057505285412264,14.79492600422833,5.565023196281405,-0.9886139534883722,300,6,73,2,11,101,52,86,0.259,0.5920000000000001,0.149,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,2,19,21,10,1,1,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,2,1,8,4,4,17,0,9,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501451590133894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349505198262808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874326520626957,0.0,0.3889473903035248,0.0,0.0,0.19866098102001464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079233486913807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812765104099624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679031287235644,0.1628237813956093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662898301876697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929528059089677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089560224815175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196799818133502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103124120360936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962558214837224,0.0,0.4869906237042742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245717641588772,0.0,0.19561404589162212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606369345318604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838853542754478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326288281407545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779443320799735,0.0,0.14594493632884312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843100328748767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helphelphelphell,2018/01/18,"Cut my neck tonight Help me. I don’t know what I’ve done. I regret it. I did it in front of my boyfriend grabbed a serrated knife from my fucking shitty amazon knife block and just held it to my neck and poked, and suddenly it bled and bled and we wiped it with antiseptic wipes and put neosorin and it’s covered with a bandaid now and I have to go to work in 4, 5 hours. I can’t sleep. He’s beside me and he kept say it’s okay but it’s not okay. I want to die more now that I’ve failed at it. He’s gonna leave me eventually if not now. I’m in shock I’m just so disgusting and awful and how could I do this to my NECK? I keep escalating and my suicide attempts are impulsive and disgusting. Please help me. I don’t know how to recover. I can’t think straight. I’m so scared, I have to go to work (i can’t explain why I can’t) and I’m sleep deprived and my neck is covered in a band aid. How do I get rid of this disgusting feeling and how do I stop myself from doing it again when he’s gone? ",-1.226870595771942,0.7340916412556062,1.3268337604099931,99.73510650224216,92.2286995515695,4.979436258808456,18.726617552850737,6.5431188927421005,-0.1831920563741192,768,24,198,10,28,261,107,223,0.264,0.6629999999999999,0.073,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,4,13,12,5,1,3,3,17,8,6,4,0,42,36,25,2,4,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,14,19,0,5,5,1,0,5,8,10,0,0,5,3,28,2,19,29,1,20,0,3,0,1,10,6,1,1,9,115,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043124478856327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085401031010061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562754667868746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159940513899277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857623246967081,0.10498089695668944,0.0,0.2283934021865177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26936666479342164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788173010189195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860137090084485,0.0,0.0,0.2208586154310057,0.0,0.0,0.21276247517620805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205676617823489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199642957885747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979257048757656,0.20117223922903013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40216272624751104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799170180092002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979164353512504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875183514457778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185174059556828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131371141991728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925679653575031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Melancholy438,2018/01/18,"Melancholy This feeling never goes away smh..what's the point in living..if there's no point?? Life is horrible, I'm a waste of space, no one gives a fukk about me.. real shit , I have no friends, I hate people, I hate leaving my house, can't get mental help with no medical insurance..even when I do ..it doesn't work smfh, there's literally no point anymore..like why? I was supposed to kill myself on my birthday but I didn't..really wish I would've..",1.1836263736263746,3.4980443406593444,2.871087912087912,90.68641208791209,83.61538461538461,5.837802197802197,21.18791208791209,7.1686216300943375,0.6543221978021978,349,11,73,5,10,115,71,91,0.336,0.626,0.038,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,4,0,3,0,6,3,1,0,1,6,13,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,1,11,1,7,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637916121105169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514531632941075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814801364044378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468925972817242,0.0,0.09108180824744563,0.16723611933305993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442355323183531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685174932869087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115690006653691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287365837299386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459349775079692,0.0,0.0,0.12313656851424502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175622178096024,0.17568668180646946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445637324009924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813256693988056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086056632634565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494403163341692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968582889646093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895034103004415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730843586709606,0.0,0.2004743707842587,0.0,0.0,0.12691651573062415,0.0,0.0,0.12384117640249105,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,djpercy615,2018/01/18,"its time ive been reading this forum for the past few days. ive been having these feelings for years but more intensely the last 7 months. i have no job, no money, no family, no friends no potential and no reason to live. i have totally given up. i dont care if my actions hurt anyone else. i actually love knowing that my actions will hurt people. ive tried to do this with pills and alcohol for a while now but  now i am going to just hang myself. i am not legally able to purchase a gun or else id already be gone. as soon as i am in this house alone i will be taking this noose, putting it around my neck and leaving this world for good. please mark my grave unknown",1.9649047619047584,3.5865878714285766,3.541428571428572,90.45190476190477,77.42857142857143,6.3809523809523805,23.809523809523807,7.1686216300943375,0.8171666666666666,522,17,114,6,12,173,92,140,0.244,0.654,0.102,-0.9645,1,1,1,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,17,4,1,1,1,15,25,10,1,1,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,3,1,2,6,8,3,0,0,4,1,16,4,14,17,3,20,0,3,0,1,2,4,0,2,10,79,25,3,0.1695900011655249,0.0,0.16549537748577775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124013563320815,0.0,0.17564409553917534,0.18714678340868351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118581271978867,0.17376499741321222,0.0,0.15097105620550952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290830876933996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093715209210158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875821832557267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833413693202993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598743599752694,0.0,0.08574980019867709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310248142142975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638190586547833,0.14224404683453534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956840917556036,0.3630992075830537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829190799031912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932022294788849,0.1382384858258373,0.0,0.17957132437120787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497510780620121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530615972875999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536512094733374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618928456211119,0.11757235343563124,0.0,0.0,0.18615889435820088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704847922439804,0.0,0.0,0.16963589462834447,0.0,0.0,0.17436676637296805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751057514041814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988892934862802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151404786113459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092104005240002
suicidewatch,throwaway1990xc,2018/01/18,"My mother who adopted me past away and there’s nothing I could do about it I don’t know what to do at this point. She’s in California and I am in Oregon studying. She broke up with my “dad” so I am left with no family! Her family is in Britain but I don’t think they care. We called everyday to check in with each other and she seemed fine. What I probably didn’t realize was she is depressed or whatever I don’t know to provide me with education I think.... she paid for all my tuition and living costs for school... I don’t think i can visit her as flight tickets are expensive! I don’t even know what they’re going to do with her body.. at this point there’s no point of living as I have no one to live for. All I wanted was to make her proud... well she doesn’t exist anymore..I don’t know what to do.. maybe I can get a job and quit school just to see her,. Her body will probably be burnt by then... I don’t know why life is like this",0.1551559934318547,2.0510164039408885,2.246995073891629,96.17013136288999,84.4679802955665,5.837110016420361,18.041050903119867,7.07126945348624,-0.05444761904761908,722,17,176,10,21,242,105,203,0.07400000000000001,0.861,0.065,-0.1862,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,1,2,7,7,0,0,1,0,27,3,2,1,2,30,43,11,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,10,1,5,2,12,2,1,1,4,1,34,5,29,36,3,17,0,2,1,0,19,12,0,2,4,122,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115806069857385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864812711295377,0.0,0.0,0.1316781178051506,0.0,0.13147886069635292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296057849036357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106929639954943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517397835721939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313578513046336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673739949804873,0.0,0.07328845713158262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796856602478165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543532127941536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401106708796736,0.0,0.0910851761578398,0.06300120772150022,0.0,0.3416105554171361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607888534372074,0.0,0.12955326459736727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123736406320201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738367326235863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310274184422927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657142615661054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27807196304728066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716018749987724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610199672616483,0.10276094231654853,0.11739636362903648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478886848815373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606137254907251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594659961415453,0.0,0.11636239961008095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IKnoDeWae,2018/01/18,"I feel empty. I don't want to live but i don't want to neck myself. All i want is to live. To be happy. My life is so slow and nothing is happening, so i may as well kill myself. Its one day after another and nothing is happening. I am so fucking angry and sad that i feel nothing. I want a job, I want to move out, I want to finish uni, but i can't because i'm too young. Time to me is torture and it's chipping at my already dead soul like a cancer. I want to live my life but if i can't i'm going to neck. Please reply if you have any ideas on what I can do.",-1.425296703296702,0.19023372307692726,2.0098901098901116,97.19153846153843,88.69230769230771,4.637362637362638,17.747252747252745,5.773587663045528,-0.520197802197802,424,11,109,3,14,154,70,130,0.3,0.603,0.097,-0.9818,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,3,0,2,0,15,6,2,0,1,22,30,13,2,9,5,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,0,2,21,3,14,28,1,11,1,1,0,1,1,3,1,3,7,72,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297421959496274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426857353648037,0.1453585797400746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450345545825291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894005376639042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018417551073936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281549743964596,0.0,0.0,0.0787827958584224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24516819018773198,0.1475670428780386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564887924751906,0.0,0.0,0.1375622002155759,0.0,0.15336610355762312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958274227573871,0.06772432496219251,0.0,0.3672206470684827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733459213536468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990382832815146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393471170538227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216671676861718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083234037918835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723451515482755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246389628789681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DesperateFail,2018/01/18,"My future is over. *Note: This is a throwaway account and I am an HS Junior.*


So my mid-term exam results just came out and it was the worst. Now I am depressed as f##k because I don't think colleges want me anymore. I spent so much time, effort, and money over the break but I still got bad grades at the end. My parents are pissed at me. I do well during normal classes but when it comes to tests and exams, I f##k up everything. I have a tutor that helps me out and I understand the concepts. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like my years and money spent at the school went down the drain. I feel sorry for my parents because they have to put up with my dumba##. I see no future ahead of me anymore. I'm seeking advice on how I should handle this situation because I know suicide isn't always the solution. ",1.0307017543859658,3.194360637426904,2.813245614035086,91.81355263157894,82.9766081871345,4.735672514619883,21.780701754385966,5.82211442006289,0.19638245614035066,643,21,134,4,18,213,103,171,0.16699999999999998,0.78,0.053,-0.9638,2,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,2,8,6,1,0,10,0,14,2,1,2,0,26,29,13,1,3,3,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,0,5,4,4,4,1,0,6,3,27,2,20,22,2,25,0,1,1,0,4,11,1,0,10,96,33,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522219364925372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961762745080138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634620723973757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006596805534018,0.2848777485570125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816558020037726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418673010210355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416914005659722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797078456996664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400009020690914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752946466806406,0.11128599040247762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245878328663656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441297969776242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122019271953126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002878521026277,0.07610400116440305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451285665627088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526268362893486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459403358673871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659732147489408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765304040063485,0.12413284056846545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750980976012708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743778279605367,0.0,0.0,0.12440245077352716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703930249258616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981459850876664,0.0,0.0,0.0908338994855006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216770481184795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188037808147063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400608094856069,0.1444053739867959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003142624873196
suicidewatch,Merlins_Gold_Bar,2018/01/18,"I'm so lost and I don't know what to do anymore. I've been depressed and suicidal for a while but I've always been able to hold myself together to an extent, right now though I have no clue what to do, Im in college getting a degree I don't want and it's too late to change it, I've got a great job that I've more or less quit, they told me I'm welcome back whenever I want because its specialty work, on the outside I have that ""perfect"" life and that mask is starting to fall apart too, I've made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people and I hate myself every single day for it, I've nearly killed myself 3 times but at the last minute I chickened out and I just hated myself more. I am just so lost. I always thought I would get through all this shit at some point but I don't know. There was a point where I was making progress but that failed and It's a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning and a struggle to fall asleep at night, I just lay there and cry. I was talking with another person on here awhile back and I'm pretty sure they committed suicide and that just makes me feel even worse and being a volunteer firefighter/medical responder doesn't help either it just takes pieces out of me, and the mask I wear around my colleagues there is falling apart too and late last year one of them passed away and everything just builds on top of each little or big thing that happens and I just cant take it anymore.",3.4307742037212243,4.200978460264904,4.202015137180702,90.55025386313469,72.34437086092716,7.20933459476506,25.639230526647744,7.2636822038024595,0.9658859665720588,1133,34,252,11,21,363,160,302,0.23,0.693,0.077,-0.9945,1,0,0,0,1,2,18.0,0,0,3,8,24,16,4,2,14,0,19,4,3,3,4,57,44,27,3,4,15,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,17,23,0,1,4,0,0,4,6,12,0,1,11,1,28,4,32,31,12,40,0,5,0,0,9,23,1,5,13,170,45,4,0.10806542928761496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179838188216683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331602500642035,0.0,0.0,0.21434373561247666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096201143267458,0.0,0.0,0.1015310281121151,0.16619128928263185,0.0,0.06587568266667904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431889522172613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870479971081327,0.06969326186060322,0.0,0.09307659589559804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713761968551327,0.0,0.09104978499856277,0.0,0.09712223974460274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054641128050661326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937917970000674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642979576614514,0.1191425172940746,0.0,0.0,0.095561902227477,0.0,0.0,0.21338447713318198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243397933000356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568627711476218,0.0,0.11672920775139417,0.0,0.10723826379867188,0.0,0.11955838628135428,0.0,0.11877986756268707,0.17617549634023846,0.24380502247042535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632980858026764,0.0,0.10830994995310952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593236334869264,0.18374672704801728,0.0,0.1022541221047095,0.14426902638258746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003633033138315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014120848334826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322793164058004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491896196153526,0.09435856457602516,0.0,0.0,0.20431352102081932,0.0,0.0,0.1099413918086194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114940886083999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228728615214912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092761022178978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648926705948593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594690042329466,0.0,0.2364120798234653,0.0,0.10185038820175367,0.0,0.1625035078313465,0.08685889861567739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179386938284517,0.0,0.10617373559692836,0.0857918798287785,0.06301382085677007,0.0,0.0,0.10326114872654853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747958014512595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786729195744347,0.0,0.11012790473198923,0.07676658041728487,0.0,0.0,0.06959059339695076
suicidewatch,SeekatMike,2018/01/18,"I know I'm a messed up freak. But I just want someone to know I want to die. I want the constant pain and panic to go away. I want to not feel the pain of thinking about my ex all the time. It's been close to 2 years now. I don't feel better. Everything is constant pain. 

If I die maybe she'll think about me again. Maybe people will believe me. But I don't know how. Every method I've attempted over the last 2 years has failed. My life is one huge fucking mess and I just want it to end. Unless a do over is possible. Unless I can have her back in my life then life isbt worth living. She hates me. 

I'm going to die today somehow. I just wanted somebody to know why. ",-0.7060842911877394,1.3693503034482752,1.386149425287357,99.47240421455942,90.79310344827586,4.049808429118774,15.64176245210728,5.46131890053228,-0.9176973180076629,514,11,123,3,18,170,84,145,0.268,0.6629999999999999,0.069,-0.9881,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,2,1,6,0,12,7,0,1,1,29,32,9,3,7,9,1,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,8,0,1,2,3,10,0,1,1,2,20,1,18,29,1,21,0,1,0,1,4,7,1,2,12,74,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110042425616416,0.09092748832697042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332280438472671,0.0,0.10458313369678084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555739925096748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681766684558643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473502061938852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963131399204074,0.0,0.10627610338407184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958221286916113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932086573027842,0.0,0.0,0.1344091946247927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167480837138664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599499665212365,0.09639010237012084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250571897310896,0.0,0.0,0.10441753364268576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759744217675516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012973397340245,0.0,0.3774812429909614,0.13874171670347107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198014551341662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330989559331374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001934334982422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154054629051222,0.0,0.0,0.06895293351563833,0.0,0.11208783593111277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184839561305845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670286309970192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229914626890073
suicidewatch,SomewhatFieryCrotch,2018/01/18,"I wish I could scrub my brain with soap I'm haunted by the awful things that have happened to me. Also haunted by all the things I did to try and cope. Things are so good in my life now. I love my life, I love all the people in my life, but I want to pull the steering wheel every single time I drive. I'm on medication, it helps the physicality of depression.
 I have 3 huge scars going across my entire chest. If I ever even start to forget my past, that will always be there. People talk about it constantly. It's even happened in Walmart. I don't know. I feel like my stupid manic pixie dream girl life is meant to end in suicide. I should just go to bed. Feel better in the morning?",1.6774539544962082,3.5192389014084533,3.2122535211267587,91.48751354279524,79.0,5.495991332611052,19.373781148429035,6.297961479604792,-0.0788023835319609,532,12,116,4,13,175,91,142,0.17,0.6809999999999999,0.149,-0.7539,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,6,1,10,9,2,0,3,17,25,5,1,5,3,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,8,2,0,0,4,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,2,2,20,5,18,19,3,19,0,1,0,2,5,8,0,1,8,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415575829678703,0.12918292295343198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730865125806938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733136796927028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677733252375452,0.0,0.12395687775212084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371917094562172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375080657119092,0.0,0.0,0.20508626850568407,0.14043521591671448,0.13080733827482754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570011509802873,0.1109127655450752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646770160972633,0.13021884028518402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745794088597332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406280516709847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532298190905603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386391067950138,0.07584876773493351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28024376604209444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640105182182956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820654414994575,0.21526574720975286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098888638869574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698215701344694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478647075969715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30942955961627544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052926573007304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540658768019696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157223470346308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785332740653862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burr1800,2018/01/18,"I’m angry that I can’t kill myself without ruining the lives of the people I love I don’t want to exist anymore. It’s not worth it to me personally. I wish I could just be at peace, in a calm nothingness. But I can’t. I’m stuck here, because I can’t fathom the thought of destroying my parents’ lives. They’d never get over my suicide. Neither would my sister, my girlfriend. My grandparents. It makes me bitter. I don’t want to suffer anymore. But I’d never actually kill myself, just for their sakes. ",1.0597058823529402,3.488350754901962,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,85.56862745098039,5.752941176470588,23.20588235294117,7.1686216300943375,1.123258823529412,395,15,77,6,12,135,63,102,0.268,0.584,0.14800000000000002,-0.9495,2,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,2,0,3,8,4,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,2,15,19,2,3,5,6,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,2,1,19,2,10,13,1,5,0,2,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,55,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.19038246531534306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869593403202616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189267819514535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576575458231148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192795457479577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43168263493206455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344541096654211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760789012927067,0.0,0.13022598285443635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30093524420762624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166275065373157,0.0,0.0,0.13525280790350724,0.17034753918779855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339989757765548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488191958826195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301416185376516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434713310911614,0.18806253186089708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858835310503814,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeachySneakers,2018/01/18,"Today Felt Like An Utter Failure... January 17th was supposed to be one of the highlights of 2018. My husband's 24th birthday. I had it all planned out. got a new well-paying job in November, and was going to save up lots to make him have the best darn party he's ever had. Last year ended with a fist fight between him and his dad, and other shit I'd rather not talk about. but this year...I had bought bacon, eggs, the works for a surprise Breakfast In Bed, balloons, streamers, handmade cards, ingredients for Tacos for dinner, a cake i made all by myself, just or him (A chocolate devil's food cake with peanut butter inside and milk chocolate icing), and beer so he could have a good time. he said it's the best party he's had in years. 

BUT.

there's one thing he wanted me to do. butt stuff. as in Anal Sex with him, for his birthday. Now, we've done this before, mind you, but last time we did it, he tore me good, because I was too tense, and I couldn't use the washroom for a week without excruciating pain. it instilled a lot of fear in me to kick that back up again.
now in his drunken state, he's threatened to ""find a girlfriend who WILL do it, and I'll be for everything else"". 

I've already lost all hope this year. My fucking job sucks, I get the strong feeling everyone there hates me because I'm a fuck-up. I literally make wax castings of Tourist's hands for them to take home, and sometimes I end up cracking them. it's a form of art, and art is my fucking specialty, and i cant even do that right. my last job, manning a  McDonalds drive thru window from 10pm to 6am 5 days a week, PLUS going to visits with my daughter on Tues and Thurs was harder, but at least I could do that. come to think of it, i couldn't even fucking do that right. no wonder I was fired. I'm such a useless fucking human being. no one fucking likes me, I'm barely tolerable, and now not even my husband likes me, or at least that's how I feel. he went on a drunken rant as he was falling asleep, after EVERYTHING I had done for him today, I don't care about him. I don't love him. I feel like I don't make him happy. and I tried today. I really did. I don't have a friend in the world, and watching the other girls at work gather in a social circle to discuss the party they're having in the next few weeks, with majority of the work staff, made me realize even further just how alone I am. I don't go out. I don't ""go shopping with friends"", or go out for a coffee, or do anything, I work, I go to visits with my daughter because facs thinks i'm going to off myself any day (she's in kinship with my mother, my husband is her dad), no friends and a husband who thinks I don't love him, when in reality, I do, and a shitty job that I hate, despite it being me doing something that I love. 
when will this hurt end?
I got my drivers license on the 28th of December, 2017. I just want to go buy a shit car, fill up my wallet and the gas tank, and go. somewhere. up to Toronto, maybe, I don't fucking know. somewhere where I can plug in my music, and scream-sing through tears until all of my feelings are gone. until all my body parts are numb. until i cant fucking go anymore. 

who knows. out in the highways going to TO, maybe I'll get stranded on the side of the road and eaten by a pack of Coyotes...
I just want to be happy...I don't fucking know what that's like anymore.

all I do is lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, then at my funeral dress I bought for myself, and cry. ",2.7374124361513594,3.6766505234806632,4.128983633899722,89.7904352131763,74.15193370165747,6.403377462733244,25.538830397164602,6.364525929208738,0.7437388512457002,2665,86,589,17,53,883,315,724,0.14400000000000002,0.76,0.095,-0.9909,4,1,2,0,1,0,121.0,1,1,2,9,27,42,14,1,40,0,57,28,7,8,7,94,122,41,1,9,16,9,7,5,4,2,2,1,4,3,28,36,7,1,14,4,4,20,19,21,0,3,27,11,81,21,96,84,16,95,1,3,2,13,57,40,13,8,39,380,109,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927264459665859,0.06315432776911449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891811579240632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135128441051564,0.0,0.0,0.04709511514480391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400605844175705,0.0,0.1046599669754224,0.0,0.048698206105915715,0.0,0.1201179469330528,0.0,0.0,0.06356922544494564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583494292935599,0.0,0.0,0.04929826500020748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138641699249436,0.0,0.06286406918123634,0.07381676302465266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713157714812998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780801834442222,0.0,0.15206541574210686,0.0,0.0,0.1511985425332677,0.051767483317303326,0.0,0.05468537087880157,0.10286861547663526,0.0,0.0,0.06439925265033923,0.11574809653142147,0.04088486425965816,0.05494942652961345,0.0,0.052306851609961916,0.0,0.06920230448408403,0.0,0.1326464272384571,0.476170896752115,0.05980024675476445,0.0,0.35777413853930645,0.09600300890425774,0.09154353781143916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092201299352471,0.0,0.11300483691798305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740599234357295,0.05684194284084775,0.0,0.0,0.06126551028753058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271663370222183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435573578309134,0.13994937799843474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397975498070515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247290946860395,0.0973091820138093,0.1549559459355918,0.10830413297047978,0.11460368170435185,0.0,0.11498972553210796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778561924897434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527274024030937,0.06086436843161098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163408498696012,0.0,0.060896368983577365,0.0,0.0,0.06197412011374311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03666277104696384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774759496416167,0.05443849044417537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749080037336655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833840804002325,0.0,0.04405817071331225,0.056601574561232784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551424253761264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04302956486759805,0.04599901457130833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038020827992355344,0.11001132208297294,0.0,0.0,0.0667421233743622,0.0,0.16274101317494194,0.0,0.0,0.03885516701526303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942803166147665,0.0,0.0,0.1012665683901762,0.0,0.13771848880018545,0.0,0.051456316857197065,0.053052447055221386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055167328028518564,0.06206310030411714,0.1666554299696639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474160400700525
suicidewatch,Id0nthav3aname,2018/01/18,"I wonder Sometimes I wonder if everyone has suicidal thoughts/tendencies and some are just better at hiding it then others, because there's no way that with the stress of life anyone could live perfectly happy",19.092432432432442,10.891816081081084,16.061621621621622,45.80972972972974,50.351351351351354,19.124324324324323,55.91891891891893,14.554592549557764,7.735994594594594,173,7,24,4,1,54,35,37,0.241,0.536,0.223,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,5,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409462998662596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049577520397915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328537268491535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021123351446505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515796033139808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802712245651321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859656143716587,0.0,0.0,0.23248501931095464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603950827474706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015914821333154,0.0,0.0,0.2879904881657061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898296522843965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5710415748866461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boblikespie1337,2018/01/18,"I need someone to vent to Please, please talk to me, I need to vent",-1.6660000000000004,0.2457187333333373,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,95.0,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.8083333333333331,51,1,14,0,2,16,8,15,0.0,0.705,0.295,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121953236713468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7582552445576213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29264251633837063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776063618529166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anotherknownperson,2018/01/18,"I’d never thought it would come to this I’d never thought that I would be up at 1:04am when I have an 8am lecture, online posting to random strangers about how my BPD is ruining my life and how badly I want to kill myself but here I am. Blah blah I’ve had a horrible traumatic childhood as any immigrant kid living in a low income area with divorced parents would but that’s not the case. In theory my life has become better. I have two loving parents that I’m grateful for and live under a roof with nothing more that I could ask for. Yet I feel so alone and so cold and in so much pain. I’ve been in therapy for years for my BPD. All my therapists have agreed that I’ve seen so much trauma that no kid should have seen. My life is different now but I still feel the pain of yesteryear. I hate myself, I can’t stand to look in mirror and when I do I feel like breaking the mirror as I used to do when I was a kid. My BPD has taken over my life causing me to drop out of my program at Uni and switch into a general college program. It has caused me to go broke. It has ruined every single relationship I have and all my friends view me as a sad boy or a psycho bitch. I don’t even know who I am I feel so lost in the world. I feel so unloved and so hated. Maybe it’s from the years of bullying and being beaten everyday but I digress. I’ve tried to commit suicide 7 times and I’ve been hospitalized three times. All I think about every single moment of the day is just ending my pain and my suffering. Yet I have no one to rely on for support aside from my therapist who I see once a week. I’ve tried telling the people in my life about my suicidal ideation but they all give me the same uncomfortable look when I bring it up and at that point I just stop talking about it, or opening up about how much pain I’m in now. I feel like this pain is going to consume me soon and I just don’t know what to do anymore. My days just feel numbered at this point I can only deal with this pain for so long.",3.1958839242350656,3.758294575117372,4.542721385785981,88.65739436619721,72.73239436619718,7.56600291403594,25.253035454103927,7.6298220110432995,1.0591385138416705,1563,45,353,18,29,520,196,426,0.273,0.659,0.068,-0.9988,4,1,0,0,2,3,25.0,0,0,1,3,32,27,5,0,17,0,34,12,0,6,7,67,67,38,3,6,12,2,7,4,1,4,11,0,0,4,20,20,0,1,12,0,0,4,8,21,0,3,10,14,52,6,54,50,11,59,0,7,6,1,18,26,1,3,27,243,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785030618361415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154470956016058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517047603175221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086016987597403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632875135845051,0.0,0.08371207564359959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703648248622683,0.0,0.0,0.2863918397854703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557292507947689,0.0,0.06529259445163929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060517913389591074,0.0,0.0,0.0977658741515776,0.07814360673157182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919196345593435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713384010659415,0.0,0.0,0.05006334969020732,0.0,0.12772485580459875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682774671553068,0.10829909982856176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058560745015421314,0.0,0.0,0.07271160121747579,0.0861546150221172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496681270208688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385839487845874,0.0,0.08331234091971232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26768909434166155,0.07406138714898987,0.0,0.1338606698396983,0.06707815549317866,0.12730115144841408,0.0,0.08274162066617083,0.0,0.06840995138334759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614849645562209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715903659327755,0.0,0.11691897935889875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272947792854552,0.0,0.0,0.08072156674082949,0.0513621586795056,0.057647202216581886,0.4839215242490219,0.0,0.16832768811838794,0.0,0.0,0.05254824936554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330574757384618,0.0,0.07259278554736558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137784916647843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040057173462458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053175869898179,0.06336987083256013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581971504048054,0.08601378829109753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092293518984574,0.06625011215804623,0.0,0.08668072814588627,0.1760128315849994,0.0,0.04856779873708193,0.0,0.120349053877603,0.08839593836223578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292267536261583,0.0,0.07404287126882439,0.0,0.0,0.06546446260942447,0.0,0.0,0.04470716485580943,0.0,0.06079995876585983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153251346883382,0.0,0.0,0.09762185058561426
suicidewatch,A_Stupid_Moron,2018/01/18,"There is nothing left for a 25 year old white male. If I was younger, then I might be salvageable, but at this point I am effectively a lost cause in the eyes towards, college, jobs, therapists, friends, and potential dates. On January 24, 2018, I plan to kill myself I tried, I really tried. In the past 10 days, I took a trip, did various activities, made lots of friends, and even had sex. I really tried to gain some sort of purpose or sense of fleeting happiness. Maybe I did, briefly, maybe I did not. 

But I know it is all a facade. As soon as I went home, the lights turned off and the darkness was all that remained. 

There is no hope for me anymore. I am trapped due to to the previous choices and desires. If I work, I will have no time and wish to die. If I live with my parents, all my childhood will cause me to will for death even sooner. 

And so I will take it upon myself to do this action on January 24th, 2018. So that I might finally rest and actually die in peace. Die with this faint sensation of happiness still intact within my memories. 
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suicidewatch,ArzeeNL,2018/01/18,"I'm done. Hopefully my last time on the internet I'm 17 years old, diagnosed with a bunch of bullshit depression and anxiety claims. Haven't been going to school for the past month and am probably gonna fail my courses Unless I do some assignments. My girlfriend broke up with me. I lost the only few thousand I had left margin trading. I have no ambitions in life other than wanting to make YouTube videos playing PUBG but I'm really bad at editing and have no motivation to do anything of that sort. Probably gonna try to OD on xanax and clonazepam and get as high as I can before I die. This is a plea for someone to talk me out of it. I tried to talk and get help but I was put in the hospital for 3 days under a form 42 which makes it so I can't do shit other than lie in bed for 3 days straight, so no. I'm not gonna fucking talk to anyone.",2.034711359404099,3.5639541843575446,3.89640223463687,88.38188454376161,76.98882681564245,7.454897579143388,25.89981378026071,8.238735603445708,1.5617617132216008,665,25,146,12,15,225,113,179,0.16,0.7509999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9023,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,2,9,2,0,7,0,14,5,1,3,0,20,30,13,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,1,2,1,2,6,7,0,1,5,0,14,2,30,22,4,22,0,4,0,1,5,12,2,3,8,91,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137132039133612,0.0,0.0,0.11093588612582543,0.0,0.1305602778229453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247103978105462,0.0,0.0,0.1350044754985359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463984553082668,0.0,0.13665008422699115,0.16103238707975015,0.16465976365954998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236005801534684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667481230981025,0.16578230685235196,0.0,0.09016779762312084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634369769435499,0.16762865694268084,0.0,0.15758109575650686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932572459262084,0.0,0.0,0.17238008700382207,0.0,0.1120633460126036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319164400702314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118080750250016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266376164821224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648266611782614,0.0,0.0,0.12066495246179194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145499779771468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421157637920341,0.0,0.0,0.15949298892605726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163902474668353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056822932829615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285798953057018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442861941185524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825647800337317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251352442240963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154338676005717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357935363038344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216919041352006
suicidewatch,LightHouseMaster,2018/01/18,"crashing down Everything in my life seems to be breaking apart. Me and my friend were planning on getting married but our parents found out before we could announce it to anyone and now her parents hate me and I'm not allowed to talk to her or visit her. I stayed in contact with her brother and recently started talking to her in secret. I even snuck over to her house the other night but nothing happened as her parents woke up and asked for her help with different things so I had to leave without being caught. Now she is being really distant and is afraid of us meeting up again. She says it's too risky. All my life it's just been one screw up after another and now she is asking me to not do anything if she marries someone else. Even though I promised her I wouldn't I don't know if that's a promise that I can keep. She wants to marry me but she wants the approval of her parents as well. Just another person in my life that is pushing me away. I can see the signs though. Its not the first time I've been dumped or cheated on. My mom took away my gun a couple of months ago but I don't need it. I found the perfect place where I can make it look like I just lost control of the car from driving too fast. simple case of not wearing a seatbelt but at night then there are never any cars there so no one else will get hurt. It will look like an accident and no one will be any wiser. But don't worry, I'm going to wait until she gets married and goes on a honeymoon or out of town for a time to where she wont be around for my funeral. I don't want her to be there.",3.0536278952668674,4.010075504531724,4.048568731117825,90.60080878650557,73.41087613293051,6.604279959718027,26.480488418932534,6.6274283507984215,0.9255890231621348,1236,42,271,9,24,400,173,331,0.127,0.772,0.101,-0.8562,6,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,3,0,0,6,23,14,4,1,12,0,29,5,1,3,3,54,58,28,1,8,19,6,0,2,1,5,3,1,0,1,12,15,0,3,5,0,0,8,14,7,1,4,10,4,47,7,47,36,1,51,0,2,3,1,40,23,1,6,20,201,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530484919122924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088363499442962,0.2018176215071955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672884308433616,0.0,0.0791916532330666,0.08566787406905288,0.17992994215760538,0.0,0.1808283568154309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188729211414991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793362022392602,0.07683431097291323,0.1064801102630012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054312196056954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078083677471536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712212840784065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648811772031699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818558376115983,0.0,0.2110292848112759,0.07434946516338843,0.0,0.15083349057628173,0.0,0.05469149638179308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850986248995226,0.0,0.0,0.0950102768764068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645030278102961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104009305609043,0.1030195388825224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553641337178221,0.0,0.0,0.052887202743572614,0.0,0.0,0.10189697276612332,0.0,0.0,0.203916883118204,0.09402927716059607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616231576695388,0.0,0.105049811809289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423635086044308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127070600449186,0.07681235348100518,0.0,0.0,0.07135563466904624,0.07422091010363857,0.0,0.0,0.18061651696677294,0.0,0.09233826830884484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563014574623525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274219387234945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402704326456714,0.10054312196056954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061649397021058365,0.0,0.09501859043015867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765284347708237,0.0,0.0,0.07668533251838966,0.08760701272678659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153800520783368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811429340157091,0.10257169530565084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469706358264365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393300487209612,0.0,0.189097091814612,0.0,0.11222860532456284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691853053457227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575658727671935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028235186175691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652512662251217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276528781374677,0.0,0.0,0.09772939853818133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,help1971,2018/01/18,"How do I go about checking myself into a mental hospital? I've been suicidal for a long time and my plan has just been to wait it out. after 6 years I realized I can't take another month of this. My life has been going to work, day dream about killing myself or how to, coming home and talking to people or whatever to keep my mind off things until bed. I've seen therapists and have taken antidepressants before and neither helped. I want to jump right into a mental hospital but I have no clue how to do it.",4.3098613037448,5.136954660194178,5.729153952843276,80.19514563106799,70.35922330097087,8.992510402219137,26.36477115117892,9.23628265651192,2.09115090152566,402,12,79,8,7,136,69,103,0.097,0.888,0.015,-0.7821,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,3,0,20,19,11,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,8,0,2,1,1,1,4,3,1,0,0,5,1,10,0,17,14,1,16,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,7,57,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246655058038764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823155952819446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845620865444583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381770312376143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353260346690456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361090236478682,0.0,0.21491567151583185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044007585963696,0.23704189522597355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133495065351318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896093185352638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318381719169923,0.0,0.21633691288749068,0.0,0.17101664480949105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853774196929365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297297157630527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343606717967555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109342336957674,0.17221040351488792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487670748019282,0.14234179126562602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493406766270684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263734072535098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598050909619013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379734760712971
suicidewatch,PioneerPelican,2018/01/18,"I have a weird idea about depression... For as long as I can remember I have had depression. I didn’t really think of it as depression until about January 2017. It’s when things got really bad. I missed a lot of work and my manager told me to get. Counselor. So I did and that’s when I realized my life wasn’t what I wanted, or anyone expected, it to be. I. March 2017 I became suicidal and overdosed on anti-depressants and Benadryl and have crazy hallucinations. After that things got better. I got a boyfriend (I’m gay, being part of the problem) for a while things were good, I moved back with my parents where I didn’t have to worry about rent or bills other than my doctors bills(OD).

Well fast forward to December 2017. I thought I was invincible I got 3/4 if my bills paid off, I had an amazing boyfriend that was supportive and loved me, and I had a decent job. Well, I fucked up. I cheated on him because I thought I was invincible. Im not. He broke up with me and my life has spiraled downward. I’m to the point where I’m ready to take the leap from the rooftops, or jump into traffic or just pull the trigger of the gun in my mouth.... what I’ve learned based on the title. Whatever you are dealing with does get better in time, but another thing comes along and fucks you up worse.

I’m 8 shots deep and am ready to walk in front of traffic, this is my cry for help",2.749303412809724,4.373291637992836,4.028324762350007,87.78712482468447,75.27240143369175,7.576188249961041,26.467352345332714,8.321376580360154,1.6464703443976938,1073,40,229,19,23,352,154,279,0.128,0.764,0.107,-0.8303,3,0,0,1,0,0,41.0,0,2,0,3,12,19,3,0,13,0,22,8,1,1,0,36,45,24,1,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,14,16,0,0,7,0,4,7,4,11,2,0,19,0,36,8,40,24,2,33,0,5,0,4,9,17,2,6,11,154,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071204210099495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049370353504195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851920947441914,0.0961193440238148,0.07017531879574307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362635083258054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916460598384268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645253643048274,0.0,0.11868237181832683,0.3966064274397248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178289140727502,0.1007411900052539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285085053059866,0.12028958640122173,0.0,0.0,0.09655614199824268,0.36828390846615655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716166854538517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995505142783925,0.1243479996735124,0.0,0.11423759184783824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262354890016836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187646723903447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786984078414136,0.10389916239778364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235300813051225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782574355193213,0.12466238319439454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882442421480223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015309236835337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474960323708229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040709765364794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592122310686862,0.1306353882350619,0.0,0.0,0.08655496995144964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059191171961533,0.07376344385935768,0.0,0.18278285016136495,0.06712666629257429,0.0,0.0,0.11000089468166556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790001875120362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701115491598876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380781782046516,0.11690867410629205,0.1173158365884175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,richie881,2018/01/18,"I'm sick and tired on having to repeat myself 2 times for everything I can't stand it anymore. Whatever I do, it mounds up with ""things to do"". I literally have 1452 things to do. That many. Pay the bills, call this person, plan this, plan that, fix the leaking tap, fix my phones cracked screen, fix the broken engine on my car, fix the tiles, take the dog to the clinic. OH MY FUCKING GOD STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. I actually just want to pause life for a fucking second but no, because whenever  I  do something, some motherfucker calls me and then i get 50 text messages and 100 emails throughout the day nah fuck this shit I'm out. I am so fucking done. I am done. There is not fucking person to rant to this cause they'll say ""that's life"". You fucking cunt I'll stomp your fucking head in the curb. I'm fucking over this shit! FUCK THIS SHIT!",1.2464489164086672,3.616277100000002,2.2677089783281765,94.740479876161,83.88235294117645,4.990712074303406,20.712074303405565,6.339386263674448,0.09841176470588307,657,20,142,6,19,207,104,170,0.328,0.655,0.018000000000000002,-0.9964,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,1,2,3,13,13,0,9,0,13,18,4,1,0,17,28,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,13,5,0,6,0,0,2,1,3,13,0,1,2,2,16,0,16,25,1,17,0,0,1,9,11,6,13,1,9,78,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.08831516849554896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975190883442205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551680994847879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482170427750808,0.0,0.0,0.09296866441474327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836516067999575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522631014499416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133577015856644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7529940290335734,0.047282634289715166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928793440672295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784597602480702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175302743238027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804261806625666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196941435635336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27869155302526666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696714975727223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783112180512595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804490916646984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024866136268735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277141119785751,0.10401669988613273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337937972734365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway333000444,2018/01/18,"Criteria for Self Liquidation This may come across as selfish, crude, and brutalist in its very conception, but I have come up with a few criteria for when I should self liquidate, in the full meaning of the word.

I am a mid twenties guy with a seemingly successful life: went to good schools despite growing up poor, lived in a different country, have a good job. However, I have had feelings of self doubt and an absolutist mentality about my own failures. I have always felt that I didn't belong anywhere, and it's torn me apart for the past twenty years. I am getting tired and feel like an old man even at my relatively young age.

I watch my friends get married, have long-term relationships, or get multiple women with ease. I have none of that. I see friends achieving with less debt and less burden than what I have, while I stagnate in a boring job. I seek external answers for my relative weakness, yet am told to ""man up"" and look internally. I have done that, and what I have witnessed is an intrinsic nature to be weak, physically and mentally; a lowly, brutish mind incapable of deep thought and a body of small stature can be seen as nothing more than pitiable in the eyes of society. Knowing that my pain is purely the fault of myself, the true self that everyone has told me to be, is nearly unbearable.

Therefore, in a rational state of mind, I have come to the conclusion to end it all by 30 based upon a few criteria. Any one of these will stay my decision, but if none are true by 30, I believe it is time that I relieve this human race of my presence:

- In a long-term relationship with someone who truly loves me and vis-versa.
- Have a successful business that is providing revenue enough to at least afford a mortgage.
- Have a political appointment or political office.
- Be working in a foreign country as a representative of a corporation or agency that I truly believe in.

If none of these are met, and I will continue to try for them, I believe that it will be time to end it. I just wanted to get that out there. I know you are all a bunch of strangers and probably don't care, but it is what it is.

Thanks for reading.",8.166313868613138,6.879690369829683,8.30138564476886,72.14755291970805,62.57664233576642,12.015620437956205,39.77141119221412,11.10651602901591,4.344123017031632,1686,79,320,39,20,553,216,411,0.121,0.733,0.147,0.9498,7,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,1,5,6,22,1,1,28,0,41,8,2,1,5,54,67,25,0,4,9,0,3,1,2,5,5,0,0,9,26,21,0,0,11,1,2,5,5,9,0,1,10,8,36,13,60,47,15,43,0,0,5,1,20,23,0,8,14,233,62,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042876950325985,0.0,0.0,0.06573203797892728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267077780592261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107367344388586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855119715537143,0.0,0.0,0.24979180219622596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098900922966184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891662431323064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122393996254498,0.09987550240682924,0.0,0.06384294394652074,0.0,0.0,0.09236266459226887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774828665621672,0.06905384280714608,0.09280865011120563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493583783195133,0.0,0.20200320651702114,0.0,0.0,0.16214745495508434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570848528179676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918400465778945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624349238123452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827373697886027,0.04722313845970453,0.0,0.08535245138512212,0.1710819171184897,0.08116996092491181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723932215038291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529095409652146,0.0,0.0,0.19482086351880096,0.0,0.19519786309133424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274776880461312,0.0,0.1014282917876601,0.0,0.0654992412181599,0.0,0.1028529351256082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227279973071716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421570702891662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668604484731501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755309003385172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782496638185748,0.07702541558751765,0.0879955311146819,0.40334937280581895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189960884377025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302657886420932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899143756875268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673715350920213,0.11272631521626315,0.11109632121791438,0.0,0.1847253291845377,0.0,0.06562571856120465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975453007228972,0.05701250590620405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960468392946375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036954917469215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224579830813939
suicidewatch,dreamingofthevoid,2018/01/18,"I feel so isolated and it’s absolutely destroying me I’ve had a lot of problems making friends in my life, I have really bad social anxiety and I’m just an awkward and not very entertaining person in general, so I’m not exactly the person people want to be friends with. 

As a result I’ve almost always found friends through the internet. This did make me really happy but several years ago, stuff happened that honestly ruined me when I had already been depressed. I met some truly great people who helped me. It was like they knew whenever I was upset, they’d always check in on me and help me however they could, and it was all around great to have these amazing people I met in my life. We were a group of friends on windows live messenger and would talk every day and it helped me out as I had never felt true, genuine friendship like that.

It all went away when one of them killed themselves. It started a huge chain reaction and 4 other people killed themselves sithin 2 years in the group and since then I’ve fallen out of contact with everyone and it hurt so bad. It still hurts me. It’s been 5 years and I think of them all every day.

Since then I’ve drifted among friend groups. Never really made many irl but I’ve made a decent few over the internet, especially lately. It was nice to be able to voice call and play video games with people I liked.

That’s changed since I started going to college. In addition to the huge amount of stress schoolwork adds, I’ve lost my only coping strategy with everything else happening in my life. My dorm room is so loud and everyone in it so judgemental I can’t ever voice call. It feels like I’ve suddenly become irrelevant to a lot of people I know and love. Everyone feels colder to me the longer I am away and I’ve been constantly panicking and on the edge lately because I’m so scared of being isolated and losing my friends. No one even seems interested in talking to me at all anymore when I’m going through such a hard part of my life and I truly do need people but I’m losing everyone I thought I had and it’s so hard. I don’t know how to fit everything going through my head and life in a Reddit post and I wish I didn’t have to because I just want my friends to care about me again ",4.07118181818182,5.3528711000000015,5.1206262626262635,82.63809090909092,71.33333333333334,8.565656565656566,27.858585858585855,9.0124134603493,2.189488888888889,1785,64,353,35,33,587,209,450,0.166,0.63,0.204,0.9739,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,5,3,20,40,3,4,16,0,28,7,1,6,9,76,65,39,2,7,7,0,6,4,7,1,5,3,3,2,21,31,0,0,11,4,1,6,8,17,0,2,24,9,46,23,52,35,10,54,0,7,0,1,32,25,0,5,26,222,67,2,0.06721732828705919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059584105864964765,0.0,0.06730844475653544,0.0,0.07417599322952223,0.0,0.11186040360546756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051421072157682164,0.0,0.06666152782585429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983767307664072,0.0,0.0,0.12630578516966715,0.0,0.11224732290003236,0.0819501188702126,0.0742362580957804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727281505785316,0.0,0.06853254598875247,0.0,0.07110702062804235,0.0,0.0,0.07263805248495732,0.0,0.05366756711343428,0.0,0.0,0.08669923198865293,0.0,0.0578941863591281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056151452644659504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439641139188135,0.06080192170031449,0.11326699628288915,0.2569161508544245,0.1208212009321212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196130251001943,0.04802007275893233,0.06453917624027125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370033102464987,0.3635235876635287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460347006842195,0.0,0.0,0.1482146834689947,0.0,0.0,0.11888012283122155,0.07155409586271519,0.12042704663281667,0.0,0.06898437102220302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516307481103698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391508030629496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873202934781385,0.0,0.0738817714831359,0.0,0.151648148177084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23738793410855624,0.1313559652906371,0.0,0.05935413235601495,0.0,0.0,0.150397993653045,0.07337565410739699,0.1142915375905025,0.06066626311878184,0.12720532254444145,0.08973617716544037,0.06814782070622882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984079721718026,0.1036842947836529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109640249088086,0.05112180709112567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278981625406132,0.0,0.3262002238832499,0.117383156734089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437561991330099,0.0,0.0,0.06431790527224268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291834250962487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729627177307472,0.0,0.0,0.0611921311662417,0.0,0.07593644831255134,0.0,0.16680860569127992,0.0,0.0,0.06851960131090387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515354185454104,0.0,0.0536798451982081,0.0,0.07699722244918017,0.0,0.0769477592837874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805348465999204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043070149849588624,0.0,0.05336305041149585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546133540492085,0.07929304352926354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062311136743699126,0.0,0.0,0.0772966102538133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047749261455762734,0.0,0.0,0.12985726683057344
suicidewatch,moumantaimoumantai,2018/01/18,"all the warning signs are coming back lethargy, irritability, wanting to pull back from all my hobbies, imposter-syndrome led anxiety, feeling hunted, suicidal inner monologue, persistent negativity, slowness, frequent nightmares. it's all back and getting stronger every day. i've known how to prevent it from starting, but i don't know how to undo damage. i'm so tired. i want to die, but i don't want to, if you get what i mean. ",7.081923076923079,8.158843346153848,7.437589743589744,69.52407692307695,64.25641025641025,8.804102564102564,41.24102564102565,8.841846274778883,4.077422564102564,343,20,53,5,5,112,58,78,0.29,0.62,0.09,-0.961,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,3,21,14,7,2,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,7,14,3,11,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113258479208308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5461971584066466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396109998603226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270058879205042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457355535619337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949354367254174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972079083178085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474108187678933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301256048952212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579178975525621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759089479292158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25899393157119144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721385691697822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189689166664217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NCLT040802,2018/01/18,"I failed I can’t believe it. I thought it was my way out. It was supposed to be. I was slipping away, but it broke. The fucking closet shelf came right off and I bet everyone in the whole house heard it was pretty loud. I can’t face being institutionalised, I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I’m gonna run because if they see what I’ve done they’ll call the police on me. Please someone help me. I can’t face my parents, they were mad enough about me cutting but a suicide attempt will send them over the top. I just don’t have the energy or willpower to do it again but I don’t want to face being locked up somewhere. 😭 ",0.4734008528784628,2.4772968731343283,2.1443496801705777,96.73641791044777,84.0,4.72409381663113,20.76545842217484,5.773587663045528,-0.17152281449893447,487,15,114,3,14,159,86,134,0.147,0.7070000000000001,0.145,-0.3056,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,4,3,3,7,3,0,6,0,19,4,3,0,1,15,29,6,1,2,7,1,1,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,1,3,6,5,0,0,9,4,19,2,12,14,2,14,0,2,1,1,9,9,1,3,2,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001405522619287,0.0,0.0,0.12985582589572428,0.0,0.0,0.2400020922592389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751859567891185,0.24363965259098555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179947805536432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201079786236643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355101014550386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770998528842043,0.1521824810909576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693478749066204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427837075541856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24579801463489764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407146197164216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365349781735243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23383345181181855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167192756949596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191905233984126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697504204640369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804922820737513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330107608336807,0.0,0.20077008301621302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911514172357625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256454999361909,0.1690864168442213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378307081012269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoLetter,2018/01/18,"I'm suicidal because I have unrealistic goals that are impossible to meet My main goal is to create a video game. This is about as insane as it sounds for a poor guy in a Midwest small town, but it's the only thing I really care about. It consumes my thoughts for most of every day and I've wasted countless hours writing the game's story and drawing. I feel like I'm out of touch with reality. Occasionally I socialize with someone and start to realize the extent of my insanity for a while, and it fills me with despair. The project is far too large and impossible. My current lifestyle is unsustainable and I have no friends. I'd rather just check out and kill myself than continue my current ""9-5"" or any similar life without big goals. I don't know how to get passionate about things that are actually doable. It's always huge projects like writing a novel that waste a lot of time and turn out in disappointment. I should just kill myself to rid the world of an over weight mentally ill millennial.",6.173127147766322,6.737097257731963,6.894381443298968,74.42789518900345,66.11340206185567,10.178006872852237,33.692439862542955,10.125756701596842,3.334458419243987,804,34,152,18,12,266,123,194,0.207,0.672,0.121,-0.9693,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,2,0,12,0,10,4,0,1,0,30,19,14,3,2,6,0,3,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,11,14,1,0,4,4,2,1,3,4,0,0,1,4,15,5,29,17,4,21,0,2,0,1,8,12,0,3,10,97,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.1864462729909769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897660622865006,0.0,0.0,0.12992684561659307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116467948962273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479764467733812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321741402614393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097566329437682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660530039963336,0.13649277048907002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761190705577454,0.0,0.09982057545366137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917870149397295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881548809654965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227575174252224,0.0,0.10500117033348078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495080263545214,0.18668380317531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162431746901941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925427921876803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530917346387354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239745159052165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947608505860107,0.16188388739316487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523272460221442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898781562738566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253862559797495,0.0,0.0,0.15167970754600998,0.11140818849041452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781760621846534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326587018502516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841743045854198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jmguzman09,2018/01/18,"Went to the hospital; called the NSPH; Visited my Psych. Still feel empty So on Sunday I was just overwhlemed by everything. I’m 26, I’m decently high on the corporate ladder, I technically have a support system but nothing is helping my heart and mind see that everything is okay. I’m aware enough to know I sound like a whiny bitch that is just throwing a tantrum for attention, however the rest of my just doesn’t want to live anymore. On Sunday I called the national suicide hotline; I got the response that she was on the line with another caller and she’d call me back, literally nothing happened. I felt even more like it was a sign to just finish myself and I wasn’t worth it. I went to the hospital, got asked the typical questions and then was sent on my way home and told to visit my psych the following day, which they weren’t open because MLK day. 

I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, I’m half Mexican/half white, gay, overweight because food makes me feel temporarily  happy and I gained 60 lbs over the past year and a half because of it.

I’m in East Tennessee so all 3 of those things feel like my case is even worse than it actually is. 

People have expressed how important I am to them, how much they love me and how much I’ve done for them in their life but I just feel nothing except for wanting to stop living. 

My brain won’t stop going back to the dark side of whatever the hell this is, life I guess. I just want a magic pill to stop thinking about how everyone is lying to me and they don’t really care for me and that they’re just using me. My past keeps coming up again and again like an elevator that started at floor 1 and someone pressed every button to floor 99 and I can’t un press them. 

If someone out there has felt this way; if you have advice; if you pulled through I want help to understand how you did or how to just trust that those people in my life are being honest and true to their word. 

I just want the pain and thoughts to stop. 

I want to make the world a better place, I want no one to feel the way because this feel is a terrible thing to shake off. 

I just want to be happy again. 

",4.843055555555555,5.161635157407408,5.481944444444448,84.25750000000002,68.9537037037037,8.992592592592592,28.5,8.94667605116694,1.9884638888888893,1676,54,355,28,27,543,216,432,0.13699999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.156,0.5359,2,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,3,8,2,29,20,3,1,25,1,29,12,3,9,2,79,76,31,1,11,17,0,12,4,0,1,6,1,1,0,18,19,2,5,15,0,1,11,7,6,0,3,17,15,50,14,48,55,7,58,1,0,2,2,27,23,2,6,24,230,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.07646864927351417,0.0,0.0,0.07657307874446026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216792935854739,0.0,0.0,0.07771266652380038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325659011478597,0.0,0.0,0.12050894052282098,0.0,0.1910715960781392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930358943290696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874763533868995,0.2400448245180365,0.0,0.07989386181433025,0.0,0.0,0.06750072484509324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010722184616753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801901077017057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096745466570025,0.0,0.10351288444404966,0.0,0.06602219149011755,0.0748769185432048,0.14085092261268894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773503433992313,0.05598083366034397,0.15047694358231448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947539576414476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453413906725881,0.0,0.12534427240249404,0.0,0.08632304362220297,0.0,0.0692940264287496,0.16683264760201194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285769718766454,0.1050469268827422,0.08279228412726519,0.07860207846314142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965050840484238,0.0,0.0,0.043064940579037696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604524344247476,0.15313213872341006,0.0,0.13838770412350326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072350767764007,0.0,0.10461262798231058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791218754840951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520812560972254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255673489013321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530991756353508,0.0,0.08338121122129605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960813310638674,0.10865075744974886,0.0,0.08187015663990811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877818140755836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019981170715322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244325880119545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278937690216064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055464041313440036,0.0,0.06257888237778493,0.26205190652707144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571378617164316,0.08892268878397598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411861142309148,0.05021031322797016,0.0,0.06220956939593188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748769185432048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157615595026152,0.0,0.06767840541247952,0.0,0.0,0.3697529324887103,0.1865970085595292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528213644104127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985615358383971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050461662081211035
suicidewatch,BirthdayBalloon,2018/01/18,"I’m laying in my bathtub with nothing on my mind really. Crying, I’m fully
Clothed. I’m contemplating whether or not to just slit my wrists. If it kills me or not, I’d be happy either way. I tried to off myself in the morning walking to school since it was foggy I can just walk across the street not paying attention to any lights, caused a car crash. 
I’ve been so sad and had so many feelings of just hopelessness since I was like 9. My family isn’t great. It’s awful. I feel like fucking shit. I haven’t had any happiness in like 5 years. That’s not a lot I know but it’s a lot to me. I need help. Desperate help. but my family doesn’t care. Am I allowed to just,  you know, die.",-0.1347179693795333,1.9779474863013675,2.22653505237712,94.39602336825142,87.83561643835617,5.627074939564867,18.17727639000805,7.048011613610866,0.13245979049153922,527,14,122,8,17,179,91,146,0.171,0.688,0.141,-0.5555,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,0,6,12,3,0,5,1,11,3,2,2,0,28,21,9,2,2,15,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,1,3,7,5,0,0,5,3,17,7,14,15,3,12,0,2,0,1,3,7,2,5,4,72,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228617608667106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666353990990973,0.16789530855542334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952839271668353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962229641467624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30814861321361425,0.0,0.1652777970066887,0.11675976535682245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510953127664026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801903940374235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347964464160298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909738980848364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808193516789757,0.0,0.17964192486386232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395418853676269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27789739466513513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569994791934162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502525975526716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118681738549544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568226659483573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047022320433208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654074510043445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776622023318716,0.2703943377704785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096331774002546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972906088945482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524837589710992
suicidewatch,throwawayobvi115,2018/01/18,"I feel that killing myself would make everyone in my life feel better. I have been living in extreme fear and paranoia as of lately for things I have done in my past. When I was 19, I was going through very difficult issues in my life. I couldn't afford school and left it until I was able to pick myself back up on my feet. However as time went on I found myself to be even more depressed since I quit school and ended up dragging it on for months upon months. I've felt like a disappointment to my family ever since, but this is only the tip of the ice berg.

I dated this girl and things went very well as we shared similar interests and enjoyed the same music. She was 16 and I was 19, I figured the gap wasn't bad because my parents are 11 years apart. This was where I fucked up.

I wasn't aware of the laws behind child pornography at the time, and in our relationship, there were moments of intimacy. I thought of it as just consensual at the time because I wasn't well aware of the laws at all.

This was 3 years ago. I recently found out about these laws and my heart sank. The whole registering as a sex offender ordeal dropped my heart and has left me in an anxious state. The girl and I have broken up long ago, but we broke it off on good terms. None of the images were saved whatsoever and were all deleted.

Regardless of that I've been living knowing that I have messed up very bad, and if people knew, I'd be considered a monster. If I have kids, my kids would be bullied knowing their dad was an offender. My parents would be disappointed in me and hate me.

I'm contemplating killing myself because I feel like I'm nothing more than just a fuck up. I don't know how to cope with this at all. I'm not a predator. I was an idiot that made a simple mistake and I fear that I have ruined my life because of this. I feel like I've ruined everything and I want to end it all because living everyday with this anxiety is destroying me. I don't know what to do. I need someone to talk to.",3.4480882352941187,4.591912338235296,4.637529411764707,86.03688235294119,72.67647058823529,7.792941176470588,26.345098039215685,8.238735603445708,1.529312156862745,1566,52,332,24,30,516,188,408,0.202,0.703,0.094,-0.9949,4,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,3,0,1,2,12,33,9,2,20,0,39,9,3,4,5,63,65,27,2,10,7,3,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,5,21,20,0,0,14,0,0,3,8,22,2,0,26,5,53,11,55,31,10,56,0,6,0,3,16,28,2,2,26,228,74,2,0.08536371983763434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133957416787194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653030120250143,0.09643670559970176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563943136717694,0.14255028083892998,0.2601846564780997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075497273187276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352364681147046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735672304439279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121383696347113,0.0,0.0,0.05638193186834154,0.07721637175833226,0.0,0.08156869248670642,0.07671940710563574,0.0,0.0804733178864104,0.19211583468826807,0.1726498465708136,0.1219677170169674,0.08196255786302778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871938254570687,0.0,0.15783476691447426,0.0,0.0,0.048514169191423234,0.07159903814555195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427900043415938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231283803576586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909754531980847,0.0,0.0,0.1888846166260659,0.0,0.18765467187450646,0.0,0.09629399415877188,0.0,0.18549586274892602,0.0,0.18088475947931054,0.12511320487388428,0.0,0.2261331856574331,0.07554420581669946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077321571876693,0.056980945851768786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627301351401488,0.0,0.0,0.0632961166198393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190879145646561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492295557305862,0.0,0.0,0.18957261752908272,0.0,0.08148932969125622,0.05918045504071146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079482367529386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428637498376916,0.09164868862528486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278528365436607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122750234806375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232840280268632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861212448525326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342372472783555,0.0,0.0,0.06776925833104673,0.149328814542525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130202663402528,0.05034973365795417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350447180930654,0.15826604702399935,0.0,0.09530554468453532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191981210364824,0.0,0.0,0.10994287363188876
suicidewatch,flappingseal,2018/01/18,"Does anybody else wish they'd get the gift of a ""good"" death? Question in title. I feel like I've wanted to stop living for a while now but I know suicide's off the table because:


* It hurts the people that care about me (my family)
* It makes them think ""they should have done something"" or that they failed in raising me
* It makes talking about my death (and therefore my life) taboo, because to many suicide is seen as selfish and ""the coward's way out""
* It makes the grieving process much more difficult (due to the reasons I've listed above)


On the other hand, if I died saving a baby from a burning building, or in war time, my death would be seen as a ""heroic sacrifice."" I'd be featured on the news and the community would rally around my family to give them support during the grieving process. They'd be able to talk about my death openly, as opposed to if I committed suicide where they'd have to kick it under the rug like I'm the shame of the family (which I guess I am/I would be.) I know it's such a fucked up line of thought (the concept of ending your life when man's only discernible reason for existing in this world is to exist and continue existing is in itself fucked up so much it defies basic human logic) but I've had a few near-death experiences (two serious illnesses and a car crash) in my life, and I keep feeling like I wish they'd have actually happened instead of just being a close call. It would've been a much cleaner, much more digestible (for my family) way to go. And this isn't about me caring about my legacy, either: if not for my family I'd have probably killed myself long ago. I don't care what people think about me, but I care about the people I'd leave behind and wish so much there was a way for me to end my pain without causing them any. It feels like such a clusterfuck.",3.264363722248465,4.820117660273977,4.351497401983938,86.28191780821919,73.76712328767123,7.007085498346718,24.914974019839395,7.6298220110432995,1.2204548889938596,1426,45,286,18,29,465,182,365,0.24,0.637,0.124,-0.9962,0,0,1,0,0,3,49.0,0,1,9,1,18,24,4,1,27,0,26,9,1,7,1,58,57,23,12,11,12,0,4,4,0,4,6,0,1,2,17,12,1,4,13,0,0,2,4,13,0,1,7,6,38,11,47,37,9,34,1,4,2,2,17,18,2,7,15,189,55,1,0.07865215047647789,0.0,0.07675315315593602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972038579819358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348615942116812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700170891483099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589124181518714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031263947408787,0.0,0.3207644372072573,0.08079742427131577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162851462146338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882902690945464,0.08048845738081878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657037792995834,0.0,0.13932492025415608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693689533040242,0.37073123803544383,0.0,0.11930667154082135,0.16856733604751567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542529146327168,0.04109250237616345,0.07545030959864421,0.044699829655301386,0.06596969219366547,0.0,0.0,0.08664421107169126,0.0,0.06955183691363352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419875380753797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990964519151369,0.08701695121664274,0.0,0.08645032994087473,0.0,0.0,0.08328127088058418,0.0,0.0,0.1666630197058961,0.15370187139692104,0.0,0.06945128984492574,0.06960467813284697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750276356101994,0.07974093563998819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890919021631682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981850463900081,0.08369143349589968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358249373323466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480032099606223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810840892390122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173502037396606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060550268033198525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575671960850182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580980605820349,0.08925352829055525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264352385249692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007942443813696,0.0,0.06244102194786109,0.04586270144667359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683172241106777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639107615797803,0.1872912482759077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713382743378853,0.07581786635078969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348892423219796,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,octoqueen29,2018/01/18,"I'm totally alone and have wanted to die for months... My partner of 5 years left me a month ago and I stupidly agreed to move into a new place with them (after we got evicted from our old place) today is moving day and I just want to die. I don't want to go on like this. They left me because my psychotic episodes got worse and worse until they were emotionally abusive. My ex has ptsd and got physical because I forced my way into his room and the police got involved. I can't stop thinking about all the violence and I want to fix things but I know that's impossible because he blames me for throwing away this relationship by not dealing with my mental illness. I've been diagnosed with bpd,schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bipolar and my ex thinks I'm a narcissist.I'm so sick of being so ill. I'm so tired of my mental health ruining everything. My brain is so fucked up and I've already tried to kill myself like 5 times since I was 16. I wish I had the guts to actually do it. It would be so much better if I was dead. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to move in with him. I just keep going back thinking maybe they'll love me again but they never will and I HATE myself for still loving someone who is so vocal about how disgusting they find me. I don't see the point anymore... 
 ",2.0670149253731367,4.081002835820899,3.516919402985078,88.94151343283585,78.4776119402985,6.526805970149255,23.77970149253732,7.554174236665415,1.05872728358209,1032,35,216,15,25,339,156,268,0.243,0.625,0.131,-0.9913,1,1,0,0,0,2,26.0,2,0,6,1,14,13,5,0,7,0,21,12,2,1,3,42,47,21,4,9,6,2,0,3,1,3,7,0,1,1,8,17,0,2,5,0,0,6,7,7,0,0,9,1,41,6,31,33,3,35,0,2,1,3,20,12,1,1,19,137,49,0,0.0,0.11030520098703894,0.09084963737506747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082525231954276,0.0,0.0,0.09642083440171682,0.10273530093038594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121925965906736,0.0,0.1846552185820336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746807615034354,0.0715861575362225,0.0,0.17025394113754866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233708884081102,0.0,0.0,0.1172529219968367,0.10392749263384313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004012417620425,0.0959793361938519,0.08018465811870841,0.09449190592945744,0.19324081546874666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472204954643402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366994425085668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508934115356867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606705035140264,0.0,0.0,0.10581880086830928,0.0,0.2978339961015227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191441297421127,0.0,0.09895818760174556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274925072804579,0.10299848460238184,0.0,0.0511638988311452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230120487762585,0.0,0.0,0.13644806798923922,0.0,0.08220671383784353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804808473665164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352885600835233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764057407873508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861892021551198,0.29684342304003736,0.06843730426614034,0.0,0.07180245765899558,0.08991405343740001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769006540218583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453394595664245,0.0,0.08800713903664988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088258839407626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995177175161464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418657806174943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701113508267841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888112875952763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434770752944271,0.0778335988264784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061849778841717475,0.17895917317436927,0.0,0.0,0.0542858452604046,0.10700177134443956,0.08824545391603962,0.0,0.0,0.06320702661276104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32946756763168794,0.07389638640131009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705742073115497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897484175327877,0.06613372509461793,0.0,0.0,0.059951676209469625
suicidewatch,chickenalien,2018/01/18,"I have no reason. I have no reason to feel the way I do. 

I wasn’t abused. I have no childhood trauma. I have a good life with good friends and family. I even have a future planned. 

But I cant help but think about myself dying. Myself not existing anymore. For me to take my last breath and not think about anything anymore. I fantasize different ways and different scenarios in my head on how I’m going to do it later on in the day, the week, the month.  I even feel like my death will be caused by my hands down the line. 

Sometimes I think that I’m still only here because of my lack of motivation and my guilt when I look back on how my family and friends will feel if I act on my impulse. ",2.1343749999999986,3.6605336875000014,3.676111111111112,90.08,76.70833333333334,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9452194444444446,537,16,119,8,12,178,82,144,0.145,0.7440000000000001,0.111,-0.455,2,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,1,7,0,12,4,3,6,0,24,23,11,2,2,5,0,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,9,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,1,5,24,5,17,19,1,21,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,11,84,26,1,0.0,0.17541636609187275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936538543397137,0.0,0.0,0.12183345586894752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384217158500072,0.0,0.09025058776293972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208928140219286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548072356018893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365368689251888,0.309363815811701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557273511845827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27913883688578506,0.0,0.2245772820702751,0.10576774873936264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22876785401119135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414086256322326,0.24835650815716384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194316047474402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923554404162664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206814218122448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045728834881024,0.07233029821728157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243256520316566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817299040942945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125995471656292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044424156845086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642634199355478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823381459237485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131601602921083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845955363495749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350321735302732,0.11875767706824662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justmeakac,2018/01/18,"Suicide Time So, this may be long but oh well.

Tonight, I read an article that brought up memories about my cousin molesting me when I was 8. I can't deal with that.

I have Endometriosis and have been in severe pain for awhile now. I am on narcotics and anti nausea pills to help. I have a surgery in 1 week that should help the pain but no guarantees.

I live with my boyfriend who is absolutely amazing. He is everything to me. Since I've been in pain, he works 8-12 hours a day, comes home, does the dishes, cooks dinner, takes a shower, and then we go to sleep. Well today, he also had to deal with me breaking down about the molestation from when I was 8. He didn't know about that. After I had calmed down, he did the dishes and was saying how tired he was. Then he took a shower and he said he was too tired to eat and went to bed. He is tired because he works all day and then has to come home to take care of me. It's my fault.

I was raped when I was 18. I have PTSD from it. A friend of a friend drugged me and raped me. I still deal with nightmares to this day.

I have had depression since I was 12. I have been admitted to psychiatric hospitals 9 times for suicide watch. I have been living instead of committing suicide because I don't want to cause my loved ones pain. I have always thought of others. My entire life I have tried to make other people happy. But now it's time to do something for myself.

I will be committing suicide tomorrow. I will drive my car off of a bridge and in to the water. I am sorry to everyone that this may cause pain to. But it is time to take care of myself for once.",1.359588323353293,3.2994995508982043,2.683020209580839,94.41698540419162,80.437125748503,6.0911676646706585,20.61714071856287,7.1686216300943375,0.3467068862275449,1246,34,283,16,32,402,157,334,0.239,0.63,0.131,-0.9943,2,0,2,0,0,4,40.0,1,0,0,2,16,21,4,0,13,0,43,21,1,4,3,34,61,22,4,2,4,1,0,0,2,5,11,2,5,0,15,16,6,0,3,2,0,8,4,11,2,1,22,3,38,10,46,32,1,41,0,1,1,3,25,9,0,2,23,187,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676562807111576,0.06946902105362636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178748421507963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024393714662253,0.1715311303087768,0.0,0.14383569522005898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152929664716253,0.2582185643479891,0.07190842016358068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306124477549328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682001607924352,0.08542945659482884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977672580045249,0.0750339734235296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290058320187681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474483708765062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887493396666409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192100376391936,0.0,0.16749130661090095,0.0,0.08221923776845005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588303075271858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897031249995635,0.0,0.0,0.14744353988932646,0.0738845899023571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535152339889283,0.0,0.055729142572780964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891240093100708,0.05657388761861488,0.0,0.4441876184229416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057880331173609065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759344955365727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351097407772419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794165689171368,0.06639331149866605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431810643501726,0.0,0.1381249029110086,0.0,0.08354867524638665,0.0,0.0,0.06427343451789469,0.0,0.09345840716359496,0.0,0.0,0.06667392886194541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652909521263599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883186166203276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628044872065407,0.19473098527856775,0.28787283674736275,0.07913722308731702,0.0,0.09275866315598356,0.05668313033438744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049243610185501586,0.0,0.06696934324547127,0.0,0.15013216202613686,0.07739456556210471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156107132666626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EdenH333,2018/01/18,"I feel like I don't matter and never will. I'm so fucking depressed and feel so worthless. My boyfriend is great but puts me down every day in some way. He always seems to zero in on random shit I do and blow it out of proportion. I love my daughter but she's always clinging to me and sometimes I just can't stand being touched. I need care that I just can't get. I've tried so hard to get therapy but society doesn't give a shit about people like me. It was so fucking impossible to get therapy everywhere I went. The clinics don't care. I have no family support; my mom was abusive, my sister is a drug addict who I can't find 75 % of the time, and my dad just doesn't understand me. I feel like even if someone loves me, they will inevitably get sick of me and leave me. I feel completely worthless and like I will never matter. Nothing I do will matter. The only way I can matter is if I die. That's the only way people will care the way I wanted them to. I don't know how to get through the day. I take care of my daughter by myself almost every day because her dad works three jobs. And when he is there he is obnoxious and callous. He shows me no affection. I know one day I will kill myself, it's just a matter of postponing it as long as I can until my daughter is old enough to not need me. I'm trying so hard not to cut myself anymore but I know that if I could just do it everything would feel better. I just want to stop being ""crazy."" I want to have control over my feelings and my mind. But I have no idea how. I've tried everything and every day I just become more and more withdrawn, less and less able to look for help. I'm losing hope that I will every get help.",1.470903169014086,3.1965259943661977,3.32867517605634,90.95681558098595,79.19718309859155,6.014964788732394,21.79797535211268,6.9077264865688965,0.4968890845070422,1308,38,286,14,32,439,153,355,0.161,0.649,0.19,0.9321,1,0,1,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,2,4,18,24,6,0,9,0,35,10,2,4,2,68,74,32,2,11,17,7,9,4,0,8,4,0,0,0,10,14,0,2,13,1,0,2,15,10,0,3,3,10,54,14,29,60,6,26,0,4,1,4,21,6,4,8,17,191,64,2,0.07871694973477948,0.09326671354483754,0.0,0.08581309426908418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882365451955077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099761612540836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806606226153164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798512193400925,0.08693668650541549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961874517534396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32102870585718785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253322414427494,0.0,0.0882877525656501,0.06284907910672534,0.0,0.0,0.25382960244079955,0.0,0.0677987934614892,0.0,0.08169576602109692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128667071480584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133565144305628,0.0,0.05199180290258771,0.0,0.26528970074302016,0.0,0.1414914374468003,0.0,0.07420733458082919,0.0,0.2388099297936256,0.11247080923783342,0.0,0.0,0.07194586597980399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554510320354866,0.24675814388481165,0.07551247095177947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678571497783898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102985075544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552462425027186,0.0,0.0,0.07818369249508514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886185479051344,0.0,0.0,0.07811442638716773,0.0,0.0870886419951446,0.0,0.12978233084445873,0.0,0.0,0.08334988393885126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538285019747978,0.0,0.0,0.06966202343733012,0.06610241240682557,0.08806413173727458,0.0,0.0,0.14209024090109326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948167955218509,0.09219234015317357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673524161898115,0.12142272876296648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553103627839537,0.0,0.08260019713043901,0.0,0.053340642350957965,0.11973557478981114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109144843115594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913227625085847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166095463666965,0.0,0.0,0.16160363541957576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669661606412164,0.0,0.0778530760748898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581089468996065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932706172096992,0.0,0.0,0.05918534975528698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003938454382892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590048641529107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033092526088574,0.0,0.0,0.08194712077623997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392878893182456,0.24992740290820725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729714010355131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057306876921266015,0.0,0.0,0.05591826259196538,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bhchn,2018/01/18,THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME HERE IS THE PAIN OF OTHER Please help me though the night before I hurt the ones I’m close enough to care about ,-0.09600000000000007,2.205669066666669,0.3150000000000013,106.1625,91.66666666666666,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.564,112,0,27,0,4,33,25,30,0.192,0.595,0.212,-0.0601,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799053743578176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091202289828906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132741058955017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322043117283534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245688740768087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26948729999953264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845212674579628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544794003509093,0.23058802917699095,0.3226132586442914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328092239221112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014245417206364,0.0,0.2978805324078188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Made_it_for_this1,2018/01/18,"I've never wanted it more Im 15, if that has any impact, but I feel like i'm done with everything. My grades are shit, my parents make me feel like shit about them, and it's not like I can just tell them how I feel, I already told them down to the fact that I'm constantly suicidal, and all they did was take me to a therapist once a week. And he's a nice wise guy and all, but it's been months to no avail.

I just feel like there's no reason to keep living, like sure I want to get married and be a father at some point, but I feel almost like even if I somehow manage to ignore this pain and pull my shit together, it's not too long until I hit another major roadblock and then it's back to square one with this again.

And the idea of death doesn't even scare me anymore, and that makes me feel like I'm mentally handicapped

Everything's just going to shit.",4.928756756756755,3.9580450378378416,5.7212162162162175,86.99479729729731,68.8918918918919,9.345945945945944,26.60810810810811,8.548686976883017,1.4184162162162162,672,15,158,9,10,221,106,185,0.205,0.62,0.174,-0.9173,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,0,12,17,4,1,6,0,9,5,4,4,5,44,28,17,2,4,10,2,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,11,0,2,8,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,5,7,20,10,15,21,5,14,0,0,1,0,10,3,4,5,16,96,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958735140190083,0.0,0.12076865934180413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442227372827134,0.11475633505775112,0.0,0.0,0.10853408218335286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415183675705519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826468152119682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199409477119593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456685647050405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671343545733053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33201388408179155,0.31273297767094826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571773612671868,0.0,0.0621967064791224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836181729286387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123543311541554,0.11821290126428155,0.0,0.0,0.09727441280126843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742645765095569,0.0,0.09663664319062996,0.09685007233330772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610276639228836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028877301372103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735316675334387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440610452681112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654896471478382,0.07415869960542977,0.0,0.11645081343937767,0.0,0.1215190597453308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345523006902854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252152040809182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095675321203687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493502487418201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970850478731605,0.0,0.10314496359698673,0.0,0.08228450914906911,0.0,0.09565451088244394,0.0,0.0,0.12706711555545855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457365567703836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909991690342687,0.0,0.0877853656088451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway69_69_69_69,2018/01/18,"My suicide note that I’m working on. I️ can’t handle the pain of being a failure anymore. I’ve literally made so many mistakes some of which were my own but many of which were forced by my fucking parents. 

When I️ was born mom and dad you had money and then your family fucked y’all over and we went broke. Not a dollar to our fucking name. We moved from California to Virginia because that’s the only place we could live. I️ remember everything all the stress that I‎t put you through. Shit I️ even remember when I️ was 4 we couldn’t even afford to buy milk or some food. So you bought milk for me and my brothers. I️ was 4 1/2 and I‎t was the first time I️ heard my dad say fuck. 

We moved to Virginia and some of my moms second cousins took us in. I‎t was 9 people In a two bedroom house while my dad worked his ass off to rebuild himself from what his brother did to him. We finally moved out 2 years later into our own apartment. We were 5 people living in a 1 bedroom apartment. Me and my brothers slept on the floor in the same room as y’all. 

Everything was fine though because we still had food a roof over our head and food. My dad worked his fucking ass off!  mom. He did his best but almost every other fucking day you would argue with him about what my dads brother did to him. And how he shouldn’t have done this that etc. They never got over I‎t and from an early age all I️ ever experienced was extreme stress from I‎t. Literally every night I went to bed and questioned and asked God why this happened. 

Now I️ don’t believe in God. How could I️ be so dumb to believe there’s an imaginaire deity in the sky. It’s fucking stupid and honestly if he was actually real I️ would spit on IT because it’s the most disrespectful thing I️ can think of doing. How the fuck can you cause not only me but so many other people so much pain you fucking Bitch. Anyway let me stop side tracking. 

My parents finally started making good money you know. I️ mean a lot. I’m 2010 they made about $800,000 between the two of them. And between a 2006-2012 probably made about 2-3 million dollars.

But you fucking idiots you never saved any fucking money. Never my mom is a greedy ass bitch. For a few years in a row during that time span she would go out everyday fucking day with her friend and spend a significant amount of money probably averaged to 500$ a day everyday for 2-3 years. On top of that she would love to go on vacations and claimed I‎t was for us and for future memories etc. You know I’m not ungrateful at all for you taking us but I️ am extremely disappointed that you say you did I‎t for us. I️ would always say we’re not saving any money and mom is fucking dumb you can’t reason with her.  You’ll go spend a 1,000 and you’ll come home and say she only spend a couple hundred. Even after you we prove I‎t to you with the receipt as evidence. 

You know I️ can’t tell you what to do with your money it’s yours even though you were supposed to provide for us. Which you did but you made I‎t seem like we were a punishment. Dad I️ love you but I️ wish you stood up to that bitch and told her to fucking relax and be more humble and down to earth. My mom loves to show off her image is everything to her.  

I️ wish you had saved money because for the past 5 years since I️ turned about 18 we’ve been broke. The amount of strsss that I’ve always been under is too much. I️ tried to go pro in tennis and I️ was so good but mentally I️ could never get there because of the fear to fail. I️ went to university of Virginia and I️ got fucked when I️ signed an expensive lease to house that I️ could barely afford but I️ wanted that college experience and to get away from mom after community college that I️ didn’t even check the place out. 

Welll that place was a fucking shithole with black mold and I️ developed eczema and I️ got sick all the fucking time and I️ never went to class and now I’m in debt still have to pretty much repeat last year and I’m 23 years old. 

On top of that because of all the stress I️ developed a fucking gambling problem that adds even more stress to me cause I’m broke. 

Had mom been a better fucking mother then we would never have gotten to this. 

I’m sorry to all of my best friends brothers dad for breaking y’alls heart. But I️ tried to commit suicide last year and I‎ didn’t go through with I‎t. 

Tonight I’m going through with I‎t because I️Ve lost all hope mainly because I️ made so many bad decisions if I️ had just don’t something differently then I️ wouldn’t be here. It’s been 5 years of straight up stress and I’m done. Babe I’m sorry we won’t have kids like we talked about. We would have been such a good family. Being with you for the past 5 years has been a blessing and one of the few things that made me happy. 

To the wal bros I️ love you guys so much I’m sorry I‎t had to be this way but I’m not doing this anymore. 


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suicidewatch,MookieB99,2018/01/18,"I may have committed a crime, suicide is better than jail I haven’t been able to sleep or eat for two weeks. The paranoia is overwhelming that I’m being investigated or the police are on their way to arrest me. I can’t live like this. ",2.8212499999999987,4.518011958333336,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,75.25,7.3000000000000025,22.416666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.0349416666666662,186,5,39,3,4,62,39,48,0.23,0.631,0.139,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,9,2,1,0,1,4,10,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,5,2,5,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,27,7,0,0.3476650955683938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074815243259301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355748187452726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985160445241926,0.0,0.3069946489067134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479161751425399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802891862234412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33961828065612426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759603703840271,0.2788759688296785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unique_username2143,2018/01/18,"Thought I was doing better... If it counts for anything, I tried changing... still don't think I'll make it to 21 though, not that it matters. Never been much of a drinker anyways so not much to celebrate. Plus it's just another day of loneliness... ",3.41,5.2529933333333325,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,74.0,7.3000000000000025,30.75,8.07648339933343,2.1839000000000004,192,9,38,3,4,61,39,48,0.092,0.908,0.0,-0.4717,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,10,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,6,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32514130611402986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25516580141254497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27423667314627104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280188737982908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999731122532734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697787302006126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558824924532166,0.0,0.23914942086668725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476267773851683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986839263296896,0.30464770596246216,0.24616539328772316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052098078502654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HunterGrimm,2018/01/18,"I’ve lost every reason to live The only thing keeping me alive the past few years was my girlfriend, she told me last night she wants to leave me. I was going to propose soon. I’ve never wanted to die more in my life. This world  would be no different with me gone, without her I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m ready to die, start the year off right.",2.09,3.3916672666666687,3.1303333333333363,94.8835,76.33333333333334,5.533333333333334,20.5,5.46131890053228,-0.2361999999999997,275,6,63,1,6,88,55,75,0.087,0.769,0.14400000000000002,0.7558,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,1,9,16,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,0,11,0,10,8,2,14,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,8,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719363214786975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127244122761663,0.20774314245663095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675293915993887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130040832476334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673614029303975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207931582192295,0.0,0.21054048170051767,0.0,0.0,0.14044499273174438,0.0,0.0,0.17557738809773515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705490732919527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533559412146351,0.0,0.0,0.1865957714589564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122507915805644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898131442772918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443833731958894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980636364679258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073839245816025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320989748461667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999800408409245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518389939646026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167250852703085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124864229691794,0.0,0.0,0.2560900011574025
suicidewatch,malgrohiik,2018/01/18,"i suck at titles. doesn't matter. no one will read this anyway Typed a huge wall of text but deleted it.. So here's the shortish version, not much shorter, though not like anyone will read this. Skipped the parts about my shit parents and slightly less shit siblings.

My parents pulled me out of school in the 5th grade. Since I was 12 and apparently fucking stupid as fuck, I hardly ever did my schoolwork. Parents never checked up on me, never monitored me. I cheated my way through 5th and 6th grade. I tried to go back to school on the 7th but lasted not even one full day. Being surrounded by loud, social strangers terrified me. And, pathetically enough I couldn't figure out how the locker locks worked, nearly had a panic attack and had to leave. Never went back. Looking back now it seemed so fucking dumb. I could've just... asked for help with the lock, got some tutoring, and I would've been golden. I would've been normal, had friends, an education. I wouldn't be sitting here feeling like shit, thinking about all the things I missed out on and will never experience. Dumb school drama, friendships, crying about shitty high school boyfriends, school dances, all of that. Those things are such an important part of who many people are, even if they don't realize it and I missed it all because I was a pussy. I continued to cheat my way through 7th all the way to the 12th because I was terrified to tell my parents, to do anything. That right there makes me want to die and I'm crying now because of it. It's painful to read about everyone's experiences at school, it makes my chest hurt.

On top of my complete lack of education I'm also gay and trans living in the deep south, surrounded by those who would murder me. New Orleans, which is a far more 'liberal' city than there I live, and is only a couple hours away, was the scene of many killings of transgender folks. There's no refuge for me, anywhere. The internet is almost worse. Everywhere I go, homophobia and transphobia all over. I feel like a disgusting freak simply for existing. People want me dead because I was born with a disgusting vagina instead of a penis. Being trans and reading all this hate has led me to self harm. My body is a revolting thing ravaged by estrogen. Estrogen made me 5'0 with tits, large hips and ass, baby hands, baby feet, and a girly voice. I cut now because my horrible body deserves it. No man would ever find me attractive, I look like a woman. 

I'm hoping one day I get an infection and it kills me. But I don't know if I can wait until then. Maybe I'll just drown myself in the river, not like I ever learned to swim.
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suicidewatch,S0nicLightning,2018/01/18,To be honest... The world is grossly overpopulated anyways so me leaving wouldn't make much of a difference.,3.303508771929824,6.451048473684215,4.890526315789477,71.280350877193,90.57894736842104,6.7438596491228076,32.64912280701754,7.793537801064563,3.3965649122807022,87,5,13,2,3,29,19,19,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5841709723731698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920370533750978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732230590429199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110242701668139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,talkinlikeateen,2018/01/18,"Depression is a motherfucker. UGGGHHHH I feel good today!! Then I got hit with this overwhelming feeling and thoughts telling me to kill myself. It’s so intense I feel the overwhelming urge to start the rehearsals, which only happens when I am extremely suicidal and depressed. This is so fucked. up. Fuck depression.",4.273888888888886,7.690744444444448,4.305462962962963,76.21708333333333,86.03703703703705,8.625925925925927,34.52777777777778,8.841846274778883,4.4219333333333335,256,15,38,8,8,79,42,54,0.448,0.473,0.079,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,3,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,13,6,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,6,1,4,10,0,5,0,5,0,2,1,1,2,0,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5732950208025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365559982191044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102348469086177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860960105726313,0.17745159630781235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620099696127294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454688954144525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874392924342618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704239978589646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24269235267333886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939262237977394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614187203515308,0.0,0.0,0.2103090563102935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Klao12,2018/01/18,"So here I am.. It’s 3 A.M. once again I can’t fall asleep because of suicidal/depressive thoughts and pain in my chest.  

I have wrote a suicide note and tried to commit suicide, but I acknowledged that I’m a coward and can’t do that to myself, but in the meantime I just want to be free from this pain and death seems like an escape. Fml i guess",3.2905479452054816,3.9200640821917823,4.1670136986301385,91.19134246575344,72.56164383561644,7.4838356164383555,25.558904109589037,7.554174236665415,1.005435068493151,270,8,62,3,5,87,54,73,0.261,0.584,0.156,-0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,6,4,2,0,1,14,12,7,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,3,7,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593362984785045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032062309425499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817931248351466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249712187872276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724192177962356,0.0,0.0,0.5443796019385253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328711968310801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596085270688119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307704894478065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367176981215499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087778113883776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waqasvic,2018/01/18,"Just remember.. Remember guys no matter what you are going through NO MATTER WHAT,  just remember that its a one life..  You can do better.  Hang in there  drag yourself if you have to..  Just live it. ....  ",1.4918918918918926,4.197063594594596,2.6041081081081106,89.57264864864867,88.72972972972973,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.1209286486486496,151,5,29,3,5,48,28,37,0.16,0.7070000000000001,0.133,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255713440134469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449510146023321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525399856345381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014963359927832,0.0,0.0,0.22521416761749735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282874540961202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8667671202577842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idk3637373,2018/01/18,"Will 11 oxycodone kill me? I'm not sure if I'll go through with it, but I need to know if it works.

I'm about 100lbs. Not sure how high the dosage is, but I got it for oral surgery so I'm guessing it's fairly strong",-0.7927999999999997,0.7615733200000001,0.8180000000000014,107.009,85.8,4.0,18.0,3.1291,-1.2392,166,4,47,0,5,53,36,50,0.135,0.777,0.08900000000000001,-0.0834,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,13,10,6,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486080444241884,0.0,0.2601514648523885,0.0,0.3583261655023321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436700150928417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598676712211474,0.0,0.17876217493915272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24118667250089185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6131341038491598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368034667914869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jentri5,2018/01/18,"everything feels hopeless i could give you my life story, but that would be a waste of time. since my parents got divorced 7 years ago ive never felt happy. my self esteem is so low and i cant do anything. my boyfriend, who was my only source of happiness, left me cause i couldnt trust him. due to my self esteem. ive ruined my own life. i never went through with anything cause ive never been good enough. he was my best friend, and the love of my life, the feelings i had for him were indescribable. knowing that he did not feel the same about me hurts more than anything. i truly want to die. this is the first time ive ever seriously considered taking my own life.",2.38401960784314,4.24327367647059,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,76.94117647058823,6.003921568627452,22.362745098039216,6.816661863887847,0.492948039215686,524,15,111,5,12,168,88,136,0.212,0.63,0.158,-0.8006,1,0,0,0,1,2,16.0,0,1,0,2,3,12,0,0,5,0,18,5,0,2,4,21,29,4,1,4,2,1,4,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,9,4,25,7,10,16,6,13,0,4,0,1,13,2,0,0,10,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884812581075348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309933604890336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070193475540374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754609669767767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704683196404068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914719295382855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853383273803518,0.0,0.0,0.12127721537269115,0.0,0.0,0.12049667508252672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337486872760768,0.0,0.1287316479147889,0.0,0.0,0.1140429058727893,0.0,0.0,0.10358490371270876,0.0,0.0,0.12861558043576266,0.0,0.11245454522043934,0.10723087776052947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28544760599880226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352852427684368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368332498140333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567132063490867,0.0,0.3788004958614679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100662696775913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102173960361263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196898774664136,0.0,0.0,0.14887282736357313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27973593724546786,0.0,0.0,0.1109070384219727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080663519712928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635874785123505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908006234616206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242875379536519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952420137968686,0.0,0.0,0.0863389800668039
suicidewatch,wrelbrglrgb,2018/01/18,"Have any of you guys had success with Anti-Depressants or Therapy? I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, I used to get bullied relentlessly through high school and my father was a heavy drinker who left when I was around 12 and acts like I don't exist. I'm not saying these are the reasons I'm depressed but they definitely linger in my brain all the time. I'm 27 now and recently these thoughts have been getting over overwhelming. I have everything that's supposed to bring you joy, a girlfriend, a dog, a house, decent job and a car but I'm still miserable. I'm miserable to the point where I fantasize about killing myself multiple times a day and I think it's time I got some serious help. Do anti depressants actually work? I've heard they just make you ""numb"" which wouldn't help as I hardly feel anything as it is. Any advice on finding a decent therapist? did therapy help any of you? Thanks guys.",3.750166666666665,5.677649238888893,4.626666666666669,83.26500000000001,73.27777777777777,8.577777777777778,29.222222222222214,9.21078282632365,2.5947888888888886,733,31,143,17,15,237,115,180,0.157,0.701,0.142,-0.4515,1,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,4,2,2,7,13,1,3,10,0,15,2,1,3,1,23,31,13,1,1,5,1,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,9,0,0,9,4,18,4,17,21,2,20,0,6,0,0,16,8,0,2,10,83,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.12589881319993676,0.0,0.0,0.1260707470130761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632013298554716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616732665003573,0.11484959333953612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440220165924058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320319812564722,0.0,0.4444774282283948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594924301347442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523323032435098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791623364408478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480872297360322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318408450265004,0.0,0.0,0.2554877994471785,0.0,0.0,0.11557098247408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594255989314012,0.1363101141809358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886455010657448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802624344571167,0.0,0.1427346035438394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401738209359112,0.0,0.0,0.06302960334465778,0.0,0.0,0.1141731122405528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611768243473598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195969822194146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264762606287214,0.12738551749052776,0.0,0.14614743326778698,0.0,0.0,0.10259691521299698,0.0,0.1305688065081547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303055039668932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187785309063182,0.2950769421410083,0.14979491183515967,0.0,0.08266680405440388,0.0,0.10242250949945413,0.2256868719340425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142646040756696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392354927464064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HeadSpace1,2018/01/18,"How to tell when you should get stitches? Graphic Hey guys,  throw away account for obvious reasons.
I have self harmed on and off for >7 years now but for the last few years I have done my best to avoid going to hospitals.  My harm has been getting deeper, so I have moved from wrists to outer thigh to minimize chances I'll get a cut that won't heal/gets infected/urgently needs stitches.
My current cuts expand into the fat and are half a cm wide once cut. When pushed together they are maybe half a mm
/normal skin. I haven't been losing a lot of blood and know how to keep them clean. How deep do I need to call a doctor for, so I can avoid? 
Thanks, hope everyone is okay 
",2.5338807785888062,4.39739688321168,3.160310218978104,92.73905413625307,76.51824817518249,6.610462287104625,23.095498783454985,7.492282038375204,0.792406812652068,531,16,115,7,12,166,97,137,0.133,0.6859999999999999,0.182,0.8618,1,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,2,9,12,3,2,7,2,15,6,5,4,1,20,25,11,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,4,1,3,2,0,1,4,2,8,0,2,3,1,12,4,17,20,3,18,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,2,7,69,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670225756374525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737266688590127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920451726757359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250230052582984,0.0,0.1924655919332616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971331954265454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930448191559962,0.0,0.10688711715791643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622340178599286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680049294760206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671693269007226,0.0,0.0,0.10336086978392876,0.1533058834800612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104073457589584,0.0,0.15989428105406758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889461930730416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989351278275275,0.0,0.2789098337885988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427315494356208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029328804226326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337199050376955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620280294633494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643854713562197,0.17315380329220292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422277246097256
suicidewatch,The_man_With_no-name,2018/01/18,"What's the point? I'm almost completely casually suicidal and have a pretty great life but the rest of me wants to know the true reason why I shouldn't kill myself if everything is pointless. No BS about my future, religion, or other people. Basically, what I'm asking what the point of life is. The only practical reason I could think of is to live life if you like it now, and know you will continue liking it in the future. I'd like to hear your reasons.",4.8898168498168495,5.6385628351648345,6.274450549450549,77.09138278388279,69.0,9.583150183150185,26.155677655677657,9.725611199111238,2.307789743589744,362,10,69,8,6,123,62,91,0.054000000000000006,0.706,0.24,0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,0,0,2,7,1,0,7,0,7,3,0,3,1,17,15,6,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,8,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,7,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996794702851953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868198507301245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796691557821215,0.0,0.0,0.13552186857504264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254944274996735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871365885798516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913069030655612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187789792031845,0.0,0.18656697636145475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35967260829500963,0.2487760320917745,0.0,0.14988163908261073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290932903158925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767485931844285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32091428142483497,0.0,0.0,0.17268442428494074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235563660121263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856656679832933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876116621955488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001157868901982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316201655286854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sugarandspice7,2018/01/18,"I don't know what to live for I'm in my third year of a college degree I hate and I'm gonna graduate with so much dept. I have no interest in working in this field. I'm only 23 and been diagnosed with a chronic intestinal illness that keeps ruining me from being able to enjoy life and be able to do things that most people my age do. I can't eat many things or drink and I feel like such a freak for it. I used to have friends but I've been ill and I stopped going out and doing things because I've been sick so often. I'm socially awkward and shy and have never dated anyone or done anything sexual and I feel like I'm going to die alone because I'm such an insecure mess. My finances, health and future are all falling apart and I'm exhausted. I don't really know what to live for. Yay I'm gonna get to graduate with a degree that is not at all what I want to do (I can't afford to do another degree and I can't do a minor with this) and then I'm gonna have a dull and sad life knowing that I fucked my own life up by choosing the wrong thing to study. My health might get better or it might not. I don't really care and I've lost the motivation to fight. I just want to sleep. ",1.805574712643676,2.7930520383141806,3.9669329501915698,89.86511206896554,76.5095785440613,7.365593869731801,22.62854406130269,7.908726449838941,0.8684925670498078,926,25,217,14,20,320,128,261,0.241,0.6579999999999999,0.101,-0.991,1,1,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,6,21,3,2,9,1,26,16,2,2,3,46,55,22,1,2,7,0,2,2,1,5,11,0,0,0,15,20,2,2,7,1,1,3,10,13,0,1,5,2,21,8,28,43,5,17,0,4,0,1,3,7,1,7,9,135,36,7,0.2482424546367373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855215849823992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015192917248505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678844810328529,0.0,0.10214119426905048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132629624339408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977513895854793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654986349723985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598043299683478,0.12881823774191034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270191095163659,0.0,0.12159154932724282,0.0,0.1270070024450612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551884391552598,0.17734445919367295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589575233015482,0.1147480745930208,0.1296964367182244,0.0,0.14108190771966989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254401507982697,0.0,0.26387012093833623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032464986647043,0.0,0.0,0.20464134145095653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630114806672434,0.12127872412478645,0.0,0.21920263545683955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549298187222955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258394429038579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633460149397654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124338365045817,0.0,0.09572994233887286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439978649233237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605003070255389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903047305163331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421086618431992,0.1265259602963428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377090381880906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298425126509787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072008884307546,0.0,0.0,0.14641983148496865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036173176445504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570707719593994,0.0,0.07993000091873996
suicidewatch,Sean-Farnsworth,2018/01/18,"Going to finally do it. I’m finally going to do it I’m finally going to go through with this. A little info about me. I’m 24 recently divorced, working and trying to be a good citizen. However I’m being convicted with 1 count of criminal mischief worth $1,500 for damaging my ex’s car during our separation. I’m also being charged with 1 count of criminal mischief worth $1,500, 1 count of stalking worth one year in jail, and 1 count of 2nd degree trespassing worth 1 year in jail for urinating on my ex’s car during the early morning before work. All of these charges are misdemeanor offenses, I don’t want to go to jail. I’m starting to finally turn my life around and now this has been put on me. I won’t go to jail. I know this is karma’s way of getting back at me for all I’ve done wrong in my long and terrible past, but I can’t do this. I won’t do it I’m going to accept my defeat and finally let everyone else win. I know this might be terrible for friends and family that may care but now I’m screwed and so I’m going to admit it and just end it all save the court, my attorney, my family, my friends, and my ex wife the trouble of thinking and worrying about me. It’s time that I finally go and save everyone a huge burden.",2.32497536945813,3.715986390804602,4.854844006568146,82.39241379310346,75.89655172413794,8.956102900930489,27.754241926655716,9.48565724429506,2.56252074438971,972,40,204,26,21,345,121,261,0.149,0.695,0.156,0.6187,1,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,0,4,9,17,2,0,6,0,20,3,1,0,3,32,47,15,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,14,15,0,0,6,0,4,12,4,9,0,1,2,0,21,8,34,36,3,40,1,2,0,1,10,9,1,2,18,118,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798658333603001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681333581302683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498673984352451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298220384685817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942797945072228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979665771127226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146531548087671,0.0,0.08637363561006589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636877850638128,0.0,0.0,0.18386605816061435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6409693286471138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506871778222368,0.0,0.050950093064038665,0.0,0.498804967882616,0.08179501763861796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071887108646716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972064679485423,0.06888114922293613,0.0,0.09774050222074747,0.0,0.08630199241937994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345314265167777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608196955344799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309372488922944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980343775295828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962890802314621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690250469151509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062486777813380086,0.0,0.0,0.05686460477597236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620957212985717,0.1060735858219116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751973014330122,0.0774067123193159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199121454135544,0.09903613444710373,0.0,0.0,0.10662263956570604,0.0,0.12559916335299764
suicidewatch,bucks1795,2018/01/18,"I’m convinced I’ll kill myself this year. What can I do to stop it? Over the last year I’ve battled with depression. After seeing my doctor who chucked me some pills, and a rather unsuccessful health assessment by a psychiatrist team, dare I try again?

I’m 22 years old, which I know a lot of you will say is young! But for me I’m not sure I have the strength to carry on with life. Growing up as a child I was mentally abused my much older men, who groomed me to an extent I’ve never had a relationship to this day, I won’t let any guys even get close to me in terms of dating (gay male). 

From here I witnessed my parents marriage break down, a relative dying quickly of cancer and not having any friends at school. Mixed with the obvious homophobia at the age of 14. That was the beginning to my eating disorder, which hasn’t ever gone away. Over the past few months the only goal is to make sure I’m slim enough in my coffin. 

My emotions are a mix of severe anxiety, deep depression and sadness and beginning to fall out with Friends. A prime example which happened this evening... planning to go away with my friend in the summer which I agreed to last year, I pulled out and cancelled the idea. Yes I need to save, but more so as who knows I’ll even be around.

I’ve started an amazing job this year, fantastic salary and challenging work. I don’t want to give it up as I’m still fairly knew. But at the same time I need a break from everything in my life. 

If anyone has any advice please let me know, nothing to lose.

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suicidewatch,thetraveler98,2018/01/19,"NOT THINK I am brave. Or so I though so. I’ve been to war, I’ve gotten shit and gave shit back, military woman that walked the walk and talked the talk. Recently, I feel like I have lost more than I won.  I feel like I lost my way. I feel like maybe those whom I love and love me back can’t keep
up with my sadness and stillness, I sure don’t want them to. I want them to fucking live. 

Never before have I seriously thought about taking my own life until now. I’m in my late 30s. My laugh is gone, and I get lost in my sleep, in my thoughts. I feel like taking a nap and waking up when I am no longer an asshole and I can be who I was before.  Why do I cry. Why do I fucking cry when I sit. When I walk. When I drive.  I went to the VA about a month ago with my therapist, he said towards the end - I have to see this next guy, he always cries - fuck, I though, I think a couple of tears came out. I just hate to leave my house, I just want to hug my kids. I want to stare at them and smell them.
The other day I took a 9 and felt the steel against my cheek, but then thought of the mess, the expense and how undignified death is when self imposed. It wouldn’t look neat, What if I shit myself. I still think of it, everyday maybe my dad will be there. He left early too. 

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suicidewatch,AnothaSK,2018/01/19,"I Fucked My Life Up Being Dumb Listen y'all. I am a Federal Government employee who has been fighting to work on my marriage for over 3 years out of the past 15 years. I mean I have completely turned around my perception of marriage. My wife kept cheating with the same guy and still even as of last night has the nerve to tell me she still wants to talk to him over helping me out... after I caught them and her boyfriend tried to run over me.

I've been depressed and crying almost daily. Very few days do I feel ok. My wife works nights and often comes home late so I hacked her phone with a GPS tracker that shows me her location. I found her and him last night.

The way I fucked up though... I'm about to have a federal court case against me. I did something wrong to the dude who she's messing with and got to discuss with the best lawyer in my state today for 5 hours with no cost. This is one of those guys who takes on clients spending 500K for services and I secured him for just 3K for my situation and being broke.

It's minor on state level, but since this happened on federal property, I'm definitely losing my 115K job, a max on 6 mo. in federal prison, and a fine for about 50K more. All because one night I decided to mess with things on federal property.

Due to the actual circumstances, my lawyer said he could have gotten this dismissed if it were state level, but federal codes are so strong, I've fucked up any chance I have at life anymore. Because I made a mistake. So here I am, back to wanting to pull this trigger.

I have not yet received even a phone call from the investigator. My wife has and the investigator hasn't called back in 3 days. My new lawyer who I paid the initial fee to of 7K today says they will come back. Again... top criminal lawyer in the state.

I'm about to just end it. I swear I am.",3.2523485714285694,4.443203445333335,4.1393476190476175,89.23965000000004,73.21333333333334,7.597142857142856,25.659523809523808,8.07648339933343,1.2833523809523806,1432,46,316,21,28,461,198,375,0.132,0.805,0.063,-0.9745,2,0,1,0,2,1,40.0,0,1,2,6,21,18,6,0,18,1,23,5,0,2,1,43,47,18,0,5,6,3,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,2,14,21,0,2,5,1,4,6,3,13,0,2,12,4,47,5,58,31,5,60,0,3,0,3,37,23,4,3,26,199,61,9,0.0,0.0,0.1001318454635896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274836152255434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977782187945357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176082340740224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134400428038601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23670058365196264,0.0,0.12509931660061613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076820978478051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955107312019014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677760005132484,0.10758386684411626,0.0,0.0,0.08192515230076948,0.0,0.1127114643818869,0.13234898034444573,0.0,0.08837721346256845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088135672923264,0.0,0.0,0.13554490954284462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188232972105522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250576779546492,0.0,0.2845818486775407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820660063515715,0.0,0.0,0.20319861801596634,0.09073703814350878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687768304329848,0.0,0.10292546355352307,0.0,0.10104946139078344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182386710533617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728049943295745,0.11574772533733214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495192312408878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479352613201965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709137178600707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117715754198908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910067187862552,0.0,0.3851673939199861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390613931192983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795215821533776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760491257752986,0.08159900953819299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487944806250418,0.11533711807401754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789936286938103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388779033153042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771494007802787,0.08247344405130266,0.08968502422663703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681690392595411,0.0,0.1008130863046724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452317939158167,0.0,0.0,0.06966495853883184,0.11160942021880778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466339344670623,0.12104321132716915,0.08144646205802415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494015405280228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218712832152757,0.0,0.13215401075749894
suicidewatch,Gjjjnbvcg,2018/01/19,"Contemplating running into the woods and fending for myself. Otherwise, suicide Going to get charged for a sex offense i didnt do. Fabricated evidence. These are my only two choices i see now: suicide or a hermit life. Id rather not live a life in which everyone i love thinks im a monster. When i get injured or starve  to the point where i die, so be it.thoughts?",3.5920187793427227,5.549525690140847,4.979929577464791,80.4354342723005,73.78873239436619,7.550234741784037,32.960093896713616,8.344100000000001,2.765364319248826,288,15,53,5,6,96,55,71,0.28800000000000003,0.6579999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,7,10,5,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,7,1,6,8,0,8,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,2,2,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513460722814415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314147195920916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530595863555927,0.0,0.13763727868392872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26159748572553754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421197898136353,0.0,0.0,0.21385062558534035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218578181584043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418987850611585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893971623884224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298723167349727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298143186980121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551800712735965,0.0,0.19226499083823229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365760512021147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hly8,2018/01/19,"I’ve hit such a low point Im doing intensive research on all the methods of suicide. This is the closest i’ve come to actually doing it. Hell, I probably would’ve done it by now if I had the right resources. What is the fucking point? it’s been 6 years. it keeps getting worse. is it so much to ask for to just be happy. ",-0.12054347826087053,1.987379463768118,2.4809963768115963,92.63714673913044,87.69565217391305,5.189130434782608,23.11775362318841,6.6274283507984215,0.6342014492753618,249,10,56,3,8,86,50,69,0.196,0.753,0.051,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,1,5,15,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,7,10,2,9,1,1,0,1,1,6,2,1,2,37,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.2367200426687387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677663725577016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895850282837025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24824036905452934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425841665657367,0.12673640776800252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582275993762431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620246567178761,0.0,0.0,0.2156134766094833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832191799656216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586271186070081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26153890464574464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071593300362518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653397348144118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472065645636474,0.17231965562624196,0.0,0.0,0.15621155747466753
suicidewatch,RoadmanWithDaSpliff,2018/01/19,"I don‘t want to stop living and experiencing things, yet the idea of killing or destroying myself in various poetic ways are the most soothing thoughts I’ve had for months. Im too fortunate to be here. The things I read on this dub prove that im just a dramatic pussy. I have a loving, understanding family. I have an outstanding Private school I go to. I was fortunate enough to have lived in 3 different countries by the age of 17. 

Bit still, the idea of shooting myself in the head brings a smile to my face.
You guys here are the most real. ",4.1855373831775715,5.616370672897197,5.175782710280377,81.77713200934579,71.24299065420561,9.46214953271028,27.393691588785053,9.827888789773867,2.5099915887850486,430,15,87,11,8,141,73,107,0.08900000000000001,0.735,0.17600000000000002,0.8357,1,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,11,0,9,3,2,0,1,13,15,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,1,10,1,14,11,5,12,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,5,60,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523372017739887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683706463527808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477699544738974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858300241935786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163200072992112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706770852731038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835289884825272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037498008992727,0.3863295774868841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784654478021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158165744542752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139913635831118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273870128825564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887626533087508,0.20354526870432413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098335359708345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428121695558392,0.14950810834814612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376105840099121,0.0,0.0,0.1419693550762649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616612142338326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547731215772704,0.14194524101672473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beachmusicparty,2018/01/19,"trying to tie loose ends the date i've planned is coming very soon and i'm stuck thinking about what i want to do before it happens. i've tried multiple times to write a note but i end up stopping after a couple sentences because i feel like there's nothing i can say to help my family understand. they've watched my suffering and are partly responsible for it but i have nothing to say to them other than i'm sorry for what i know this will put them through. i feel much worse for my friends but i have nothing to say to them either, as everyone close to me already knows i've been suicidal for years, lol. i have nothing to leave behind or give away except my college fund to my siblings.

what i'm trying to say is i want to give the people around me some kind of closure before it happens just for my own peace of mind. selfish, i know. anyone else in a similar position have any ideas/plans for this kind of thing? please don't tell me not to, that there's something better, or that i'm lucky i have people in my life. this goes far beyond that.",3.4934476744186043,4.723659725581399,4.359462209302325,87.7410537790698,72.67441860465118,7.049418604651162,26.46075581395349,7.413659706084162,1.2548662790697676,831,28,172,9,16,268,122,215,0.11,0.727,0.163,0.8842,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,2,7,8,0,0,5,1,13,1,0,0,0,28,32,8,1,2,9,0,2,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,14,5,0,1,7,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,2,7,25,6,36,29,5,18,0,1,1,0,13,8,0,4,9,110,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259413600606378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554720237062383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767896578272011,0.11382813713366888,0.0,0.09889652314792904,0.0,0.0,0.10437574160638298,0.0,0.0,0.06772139867005761,0.0,0.1890643036982694,0.0,0.0,0.0982529293853291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569697624513483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229225401453383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928041340970902,0.0,0.1967912458030414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615433703240952,0.0,0.0,0.10472880523887837,0.0,0.112344144810577,0.07936502195007476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583034985367276,0.0,0.0,0.2131414881854124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964787434890437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446344679699353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137299615656154,0.1831617929310232,0.0,0.0,0.11763168440185648,0.0,0.0,0.07846843004919829,0.05427453807129789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121724878665858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166630273246292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263877813465773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030313643518788,0.0,0.15403610818321964,0.0,0.0,0.12194700009270268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167937501593356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533831650677833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855249919269612,0.0,0.12435976975756186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287891030601426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121517956703017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710037505282336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380540214122087,0.07118405266409703,0.0,0.0,0.06477935273258925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627502173827366,0.0,0.0,0.11565196486492353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166354503228512,0.13105132455297333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321348696740788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154039439661967
suicidewatch,imheretodateurdad,2018/01/19,"drowning the pit in my stomach has grown deeper than my debt. i am so far from ever being on top of my financial situation, i am harassed daily by debt collectors and i owe friends and family money as well. i work 40 hours a week and go to school for a degree that i’m not sure will even get me anywhere. my boyfriend resents me for my financial situation i know it even if he won’t admit it. my family has isolated me and my brother for reasons i still can’t grasp. it just seems easier to remove myself from the equation entirely. i have no bird and i have no bush. ",2.3743589743589766,4.084159641025646,4.706333333333337,82.15950000000005,76.52136752136751,8.098803418803419,26.22991452991453,8.841846274778883,2.1042314529914528,446,17,90,10,10,156,79,117,0.163,0.743,0.095,-0.8084,3,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,2,0,4,0,10,1,1,1,2,15,17,8,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,4,3,5,2,1,0,0,0,19,3,13,14,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,66,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29497751167140485,0.20198929379321548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210181928761488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252244359561422,0.0,0.1166659922080612,0.0,0.12690757867527908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199073264892117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272084852536133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295914769803004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259933782723982,0.0,0.20328560371648646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020012364547072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832913367373224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104593365733485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911926246902202,0.0,0.2007751669031028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625663952023979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SkipperofOtterz,2018/01/19,"Yeah I don't know how much I can take anymore. My mental health is degrading at a quick pace, I have no support system to fall back on, the rug has been pulled out from under me. I'm destroying myself physically from trying to work as much as I can to fill my time so I don't have to think. Not to say I'm bitching about how hard life is. Life for me has always been really weird and difficult for me, but I've always believed that you can just put your head down and grind it out. The harder the task, the longer you grind it out, simple math and over time I've been able to build that up. I don't think I can this time. My mind is in a constant chaos, I can't help but randomly breakdown at work, Ive eaten once in days because I had to force myself to, i haven't gotten sleep because I can't close my eyes without seeing every step of shit leading me here. I wake up from a tap on my drivers side window from whatever management comes in in the mornings at 6,  I get out, grab my bag and go to work, get off at 11pm, go to a friend's bar until 4am whether I'm drinking or not,  drive to work again and take and nap and do it all over again. My  small group of friends and family I have I could never tell. Why would I want to burden them? I know they have their own issues personally, so it's not worth it. And the worst part is I didn't do anything to deserve this. I didn't do anything to end up here on a subreddit spilling my guts to a bunch of fucking strangers. It's not my fault, but at the same time I can't help but feel what could I have done different. Was there something I could have done that was within my power to not get this royally screwed. I shouldn't feel like this and I know I shouldn't but it's not making it any easier. ",3.4026547303271464,3.5111927877984117,4.527231432360743,90.58281885499558,72.0503978779841,7.768744473916888,24.726900972590627,7.492282038375204,0.8380911582670203,1359,34,323,14,24,447,186,377,0.129,0.828,0.043,-0.984,2,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,3,6,13,15,5,0,13,1,43,14,6,4,2,54,68,24,0,7,15,0,4,1,2,3,3,1,2,1,16,16,3,0,7,3,1,10,20,11,0,0,12,7,48,4,55,50,8,52,0,0,2,2,14,28,4,2,14,219,64,7,0.10918631505478636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817035217178296,0.0,0.0,0.07425043839553655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108283485296282,0.0,0.0,0.17970206802623584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395753660812144,0.0,0.13311792845332235,0.0,0.0,0.12301558719309258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405434240264424,0.0,0.1179916174251687,0.0,0.2615291639997893,0.0,0.0,0.07041614045186287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407646010971365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347101795987329,0.0,0.10696102108941362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670666692325698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199417960081142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029311405004616,0.0,0.11041576314678436,0.0780027252915967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871415232592565,0.100940988863309,0.17113602935148609,0.0,0.12410619809050588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978094919111776,0.0,0.11205665949886674,0.11605994712096288,0.0,0.0,0.14637057086496127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139621454219691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800178298558571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542430466923022,0.05334291832196448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288271314470128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003412467985099,0.0,0.11024705268570788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052900940739115,0.0,0.08421121729306212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627986207751714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182381390756057,0.0,0.0,0.09533727879333974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976240409263653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994754929948095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682934014935816,0.0,0.0,0.0870073566987998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207818335422996,0.0,0.0,0.10926516810571377,0.0,0.0,0.0840569596898914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239033364077988,0.0,0.0,0.16418904103326254,0.0,0.09543365193952744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992436387387358,0.0,0.0,0.2546696734461292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413034074424521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440091753918951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985236664920323,0.0,0.0,0.10525171139007512,0.0,0.31795575105048224,0.0,0.0,0.07756282550649969,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeuronExploder,2018/01/19,"I don’t want to be a burden anymore My life has halted. I’ve run away to another country and my mental health has deteriorated. If I go home, my parents will have to help me again, as if the first time wasn’t enough. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m sick of being hopeful one minute and crushed the next. The pain this will cause for them will be but a moment,dealing with my depression would last for far too long ",2.4332512315270947,3.851155379310349,3.76978653530378,90.17172413793104,75.66666666666667,6.3507389162561605,23.922824302134647,6.868970318607317,0.6173100164203609,326,10,73,3,7,107,62,87,0.153,0.787,0.06,-0.8422,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,14,4,0,1,0,12,18,7,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,1,0,9,1,9,10,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,6,50,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609395794579584,0.0,0.0,0.4276696393362394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025799263508699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149877198253104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857112086041215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279072179467896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340430501917052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254050751952697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291915317963518,0.0,0.0,0.1445239989273942,0.0,0.21628213295908005,0.2141570267713186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757572031774532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522971577072164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081487893591573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729192723964927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293118695137393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610813338947293,0.0,0.2294324344121516,0.0,0.2394179386248857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572841451142736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717690560821726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316862732808326,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aberdeendaydream,2018/01/19,"Depressed and suicidal because of my appearance I am very insecure about my appearance to the point where I self-harm and have attempted suicide. I know this must seem vain, but I barely even feel human when I look in the mirror. I hate my face so much that I avoid going out, or wear hats and sunglasses in public to cover it up. I spend hours in front of mirrors and looking at pictures of me to sort of judge my appearance and try to fix myself I guess. My big problem areas are my nose and face shape. I feel so out of place in this world. I just feel so worthless when I see pictures of beautiful people, and I can’t help but feel a sharp pang of jealously. I haven’t been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder if anyone is wondering, although I never talk to anyone about how I feel on this topic, besides my significant other. I’m sorry for the rant and giant paragraph (I’m on mobile), I’m just not sure what to do anymore; I’m just sitting in my bathroom wondering if having scars on my face will be worth it. (Also, please do not pm me asking for pictures of me. Thank you)",4.834423963133641,5.4033019124424015,5.898317972350231,80.38176267281109,69.04608294930875,8.964976958525344,29.785714285714285,9.04235418022936,2.4055400921658987,853,31,166,15,14,284,129,217,0.183,0.7340000000000001,0.083,-0.9698,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,1,14,10,2,2,4,0,13,7,6,1,3,41,37,21,2,4,10,0,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,9,0,2,5,5,8,0,0,1,10,30,2,31,33,1,30,0,2,3,0,6,20,0,11,4,116,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847058873634758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691889847438794,0.2071712583401327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849450812960934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030712006563957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455442822998026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275960867589826,0.15036289621821838,0.0,0.0,0.16978569444066774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784762021882727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745299260396884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419356777910886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319716011863325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626138824332158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929770445468764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458918576113268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141598938442625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488070574067145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089027803768354,0.0,0.11425767512037065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027042972334259,0.0,0.15477879951239484,0.16261746796859075,0.14004382897418907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175366366435097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805147359617488,0.13486460330958192,0.15454635158611282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583491893821328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32409066917167995,0.0,0.13962383179552484,0.0,0.0,0.1190724204824491,0.0,0.1363909595592722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057995432891284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222341967153244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213113865472123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hogwarts7991,2018/01/19,"I’m tired and I don’t know what to do anymore I feel tired with my life and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I feel like I just get hit with misfortune no matter how long or how much effort I put into trying to move on in life. When I was a kid I was a loner and got bullied everyday. When I got into high school one of my parents got cancer and passed away. And now I’m in university and I can’t pass this one calculus course to get the degree I want to go to the grad school I want. I don’t have any friends except one who goes to uni abroad and I don’t really get to talk to her until she comes home during the days off between her semesters. I did co-op for a year and I came back to school this year and I tried messaging the people I thought were my friends but they lied to me about not being in any courses with me because they didn’t want to associate with someone who’s not smart and they just hanged out with me before I went to co-op cause they felt bad. The same thing happened to me in high school after one of my parents died in grade 12. I did poorly in school after that happened and all my friends left me except that one friend because I was no longer smart. I’m the oldest in my family so my other parent depends on me the most so I can’t talk to them because I have to be strong for them. They’re the only reason why I haven’t done it yet, but even that doesn’t seem like enough anymore. I tried so hard to fix my depression. I’ve tried going to 3 different counsellors, I’ve tried increasing my physical activity and I exercise everyday, and I also took advice from online and started looking for hobbies I was interested in to occupy my life so I’m learning how to play a new instrument and sport right now. Its been a year since I started implementing all of this into my life and nothing has changed. Today I failed my calculus quiz even though I studied every day, did every question in the textbook, and went to professor’s office hours for extra help. This is the second time I’m taking the course since I failed it the first time. My teacher assistant for the course who made the quiz for the course asked us to raise our hand if we thought the quiz was hard and I was the only one who raised my hard. My teacher assistant just told the class that I didn’t practice enough then and that I won’t be able to do anything in this course at that rate and then all the other kids started laughing at me for being the only idiot who found it hard. I feel like I’m like the odd one out in society and that my existence just doesn’t make sense and I shouldn’t exist. I’m home alone a lot since I live close to campus and I’m scared I’m going to do something I might regret. 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suicidewatch,autismshitshow,2018/01/19,"im the stupidest person i have ever met in my life.... i have an undiagnosed brain disease and everyone says its autism, now people are starting to think i have down syndrome sometimes.
my family is in on it too its been 3 years first they said im mentally ill, then when i got stupid they said i was autistic and now i have an aid and a check from the autism center.i hate my family so i don't care if they feel sad when i die anyways.",2.719560439560439,3.9565391978022006,4.2624175824175845,87.65758241758243,74.60439560439559,7.837362637362638,25.08791208791209,8.418075326091056,1.4471714285714283,341,11,75,6,7,114,63,91,0.246,0.754,0.0,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,8,4,2,0,5,0,9,3,1,0,1,7,18,8,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,6,4,14,1,6,12,0,13,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,9,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227559163729546,0.0,0.0,0.20300863851085155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664751692855676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010881056790193,0.0,0.19026069017253908,0.0,0.0,0.37541141177512094,0.0,0.10067734925412536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936513645481052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592485924932438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965825404430526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301517057279067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406391681703784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006587408274044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803965562652268,0.17385750440822845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37880349341746894,0.15834238798134442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692752317141432,0.0,0.14093297354330014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758335992447067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822203212442365
suicidewatch,hidingfromliving,2018/01/19,"What's wrong with me????? Why the hell am I such a horrible person, why can't I trust myself to do anything?

It's like I'm constantly fighting myself and I'm not getting anywhere.
The instant I have the opportunity to do something stupid I'll take it just because I'm a fucking idiot who will never learn from past mistakes.

What the hell is wrong with me?  Why can't I fucking stop myself?",0.8830379746835462,3.3779467341772182,2.87581012658228,88.51523417721522,87.98734177215191,4.678987341772152,24.355696202531647,6.2581,0.831449620253164,308,13,60,3,10,103,50,79,0.368,0.5529999999999999,0.079,-0.982,0,0,1,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,13,7,0,6,0,8,2,0,0,1,9,15,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,5,14,0,4,2,0,0,2,3,0,4,0,5,38,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394226846021826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885124084668514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284195148074497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908225381343569,0.11043385861805437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326634880858464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630241691332461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177979340927807,0.0,0.1845630684641502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627255424372101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767175970438021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892646404861613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721947521763663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622071833503183,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,genericusername8756,2018/01/19,"Is it wrong to tell someone you're fine? The last person who I think has even a modicum of care left for me asked if I was okay today,all I could tell him is that I was fine. In reality though I've already gone through all the setup for my suicide and written my notes so that people wont feel responsible. Is it wrong to not want someone to worry?",5.259729729729732,4.371223756756764,6.135810810810809,84.02236486486487,68.18918918918922,8.481081081081081,30.66216216216216,7.1686216300943375,1.6230648648648645,274,9,61,2,4,91,55,74,0.212,0.68,0.108,-0.8571,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,8,0,0,0,1,8,15,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,8,4,8,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956384185645196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447790420987612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209819868135416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609326485898004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740039492593495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051851023751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957041590876426,0.0,0.0,0.2260228051279361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442202781110465,0.18164184432107186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35252254685623363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754864061288185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636509195142248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329580957831327,0.20438624982203296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718602314757866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270018177406655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112623210954984,0.0,0.0,0.4548914684874098,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lettinggo88,2018/01/19,"People in my life will be better off without me I think it is truly time to finally give up and end this miserable existence. I wake up every single morning to start the process that my brain goes through every day. It is painful being stuck with this brain, worry, anger, depression, mood swings, lonely, irritable, anxious, suicidal, regret. The only time I get some peace is when I sleep. I am 29yrs old, suffering from BPD and a host of other mental health problems. I have a fiance I put through hell with mental and physical abuse. He tries his hardest not to let things affect him, but I know he is no longer happy and could live the life he truly wants without me. An ex boyfriend that tries so hard to still make me happy no matter what I put him through as well. But doesn't there come a point in time that you are done with putting everyone through never ending pain and misery? I know when I kill myself it will be hard on a total of 2 people. I know that after a while they will get over the pain of my suicide and will no longer have to worry about me anymore. 

I don't have an exact date yet, but I know how I want to do it. This will be my final act of pain for those that care about me. But in the end we will all be better off. ",4.5560714285714266,4.930065599206352,5.068373015873019,86.77732142857144,69.5952380952381,7.7285714285714295,25.670634920634928,7.413659706084162,1.0890349206349206,969,25,204,9,16,310,143,252,0.22,0.633,0.146,-0.9536,0,2,0,0,1,2,26.0,1,1,1,2,10,20,3,1,12,0,26,11,4,3,4,37,41,16,3,5,7,1,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,16,11,0,0,5,0,0,5,9,13,1,0,2,2,31,6,34,26,4,34,1,5,0,0,11,10,1,1,19,147,47,0,0.0,0.11057705035534238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543277037105864,0.09255515252595163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650800204775923,0.0,0.0,0.1175418941621684,0.20836724802536327,0.0,0.0,0.0951529383417562,0.0,0.0,0.08039281320679581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745138916236203,0.0,0.0,0.06018809425997281,0.0,0.0803822748082402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550576477942352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479796512700293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572637840600656,0.08917779979042556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446999374035396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975188491330444,0.08952761371694576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986963237245695,0.16720504364178812,0.0,0.0,0.09920207202920013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325232642239407,0.0,0.20515997312191864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543302205566327,0.13183902119156934,0.0,0.0,0.08240931392403297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062296393703580075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810301801678106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197941624827847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793082451718194,0.0,0.0,0.07097927105844541,0.3972253722639728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940216669494747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822403438645407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930118655806313,0.0,0.2814577686877779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339424448822506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605722121115146,0.0,0.07453093893780634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416884164600346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062002208855509874,0.05980007387556725,0.0,0.0,0.1632589014269804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672560318152165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100931823415474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391204171978328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799274963245079,0.0,0.0,0.18955588249324887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessHelpless2434,2018/01/19,"I was just fired from a job I spent some money relocating to I've had a rough 2018 so far. I totaled my car in an accident, got fired from a promising job for being a bad fit, and i'm in a city I don't know, with dwindling savings. I moved up here for this position and was welcoming a change. I've been in a bad state of mind mentally to start with, but this is my breaking point.

I have no friends here. I know nothing that keeps me in place. I don't even have a car (and with no income, no way to finance one). I have no courage to call a help line fearing they'll get the local authority involved.

I don't know what to do, besides finish off this beer and jam a knife through my windpipe. I feel so alone, and helpless. God is punishing me for something, and I don't even think he's real.

Can anyone help?",2.3002101967799646,3.3286857383720942,3.8397674418604666,91.09879248658319,75.33720930232558,6.920214669051878,26.602862254025048,7.321109707123232,1.1023590339892668,625,23,145,7,13,208,102,172,0.218,0.6459999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9425,3,1,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,1,12,0,17,1,0,0,1,22,28,9,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,5,1,3,3,8,5,0,1,6,4,18,5,21,20,2,19,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,1,2,93,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755861192917248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266250294658575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024115982924278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849170667558712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157327945442448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922155790609276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037809265735821,0.0915664910289034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991265807640094,0.0,0.09461406143313797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483729382953134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427667786199107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594154026605028,0.16096453324671692,0.0,0.0,0.2985733292560059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825000054924539,0.0,0.18285316286387335,0.0,0.0,0.19247410144344695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376443169929046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271387844364187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892045277513324,0.0,0.17119222147363866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061244460053888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394148919684479,0.0,0.0,0.12817915800559768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603762582657293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374386766108213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DesuEcchi,2018/01/19,Suicide seems like the only answer. Hi there I’ll make it brief so it’s easier to understand. Pretty much I’ve been diagnosed with POTS syndrome and CFS so I’m mentally and physically fatigued and sick 24/7. No medications diets or physical therapy worked so here I am 18 years old not in school I go to work but it makes me pass out so i have to quit that soon. I wake up play video games don’t sleep due to my insomnia and repeat this stupid shitty cycle. I enjoy video games and movies but I do get a bit bored after awhile. I’m not depressed I wouldn’t say I’m sad at all I have a loving family and some great friends but I can’t go on like this. I don’t want to kill myself to escape sadness I want to kill myself to escape chronic illness and the failure I’ve become because of it. It’s hard not to do it just now the only thing making me not is my loving family but if this continues for much longer I won’t be able to take it. ,1.5290055555555568,3.2623902450000064,3.670333333333332,88.53822222222225,79.05,6.844444444444445,20.61111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.743577777777777,739,19,161,12,18,253,122,200,0.213,0.591,0.195,-0.8104,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,3,9,16,3,0,5,0,13,12,2,3,1,31,29,17,3,4,11,0,1,2,1,2,7,1,0,0,12,9,1,0,3,5,0,4,10,8,0,0,1,2,18,8,19,25,5,17,0,4,0,2,7,5,0,4,10,98,30,3,0.144052641058688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781315294110179,0.1590948244081042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572681747291566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240723286614453,0.1462103983902957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716000192667807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129471314391604,0.0,0.07526155939966409,0.0,0.16373687121613664,0.0,0.0,0.1588185453177007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904287156631056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31874580831407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075368808263508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26002626549214625,0.0,0.28846876948129235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511788076015694,0.14517118064438844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117905321749016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511590145286177,0.0,0.0,0.21911704957149253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655332381596992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321771555599112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145564420195158,0.0,0.14578896335485514,0.0,0.13114011418100102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415667415327435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757020862846186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830965850375564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473674936276386,0.0,0.09570217380894264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996387963133928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699319599432961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974407669879894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927651778904371
suicidewatch,blablabla3980,2018/01/19,"It's happening this weekend Probably I will kill myself, i already booked an hotel room and I will go there tomorrow and get drunk as fuck and I will do it ",2.154583333333332,4.209811125000002,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,78.375,8.016666666666666,26.291666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.1944041666666667,124,5,25,3,3,42,24,32,0.306,0.6940000000000001,0.0,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,8,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,18,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456765608190481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826578424640771,0.21625355730758825,0.0,0.2352374913923325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660237581095869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579357342222962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462704876999987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Supercon22,2018/01/19,.. I want to take a knife and drive it through my heart,0.6624999999999979,1.8230802500000003,0.8900000000000041,110.055,79.83333333333334,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0577666666666667,41,1,12,0,1,12,12,12,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7784220501145391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939022175698238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874528505187289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meatfluff,2018/01/19,"My school is showing some lame music video they made to prevent suicide and it's so lame It's just making me stressed because it reminds me of my own shit

It's too direct, it doesn't make me feel alive, it makes me feel like crap, just shut up and end the damn video

Ugggh I can't tell if I'm being an asshole or I just don't want to be reminded of my own suicidality. Like seriously I'm sitting here thinking ""You don't fucking care, shut up"" and at the same time ""AAUGH STOP REPEATING THOSE LYRICS""

So yeah I'm sitting here venting to reddit on my phone at school

I've attempted suicide before, I've been getting suicidal thoughts again these past few days (though I won't attempt again), and maybe I just think this sort of thing should be dealt with more personally. Like, you know, not shoving crap to a whole school.

But fuck it, there's nothing I can do. I can't think of a better way to do this, and ideally I'd rather not have to hear about this stuff, but that's not going to happen. I just want to forget about it now.

EDIT: 7 hours later and I just noticed I put ""lame"" in the title twice whoops",2.1888864628820954,3.9534526375545873,3.251919213973804,92.141634279476,77.20960698689957,5.977379912663755,23.240393013100448,6.742157984588678,0.5172565938864633,870,27,191,8,20,279,135,229,0.16,0.787,0.053,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,2,1,4,19,17,6,1,6,1,16,5,3,4,0,42,39,13,4,6,14,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,16,7,0,2,7,3,0,2,9,11,0,1,3,3,20,6,21,31,7,24,0,3,0,2,7,8,6,4,14,117,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349536176767428,0.0,0.1025920142712694,0.0,0.0,0.10663002731367502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229241477557864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775451101025392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067848869562748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192266739145186,0.08613172666941896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292097179973866,0.06299028505430881,0.0,0.06851992088707062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661531374107593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588562243620467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873233080967426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625942217105693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670604367274165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408160632425406,0.2414344077352908,0.0,0.1211238411655404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568545858031094,0.1372641577039453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509302368043885,0.0,0.1052727889665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120121896438113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660549329330863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375833559896827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079781645954128,0.1381069069093324,0.0,0.1380181867638382,0.5275145738007667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537920557508232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009809066710903,0.23175973054511656,0.11845459192286545,0.09571521674619757,0.07030247540150777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222483140195716,0.09569895913599516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460662092587214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoboJin,2018/01/19,"I want to kill myself because I'm so bored Maybe ""kill myself"" is the wrong way to put it. It's more doing something reckless that will get me killed because I don't care if I die. There's nothing to really live for.

I'm in my early 20s and with a degree that has no opportunities where I live, and in a boring field that I went into because I thought it was the only way to afford to go to college, by choosing something in demand.

People recommend saving up $10k to move and I'm not even half way there yet. I can't imagine staying here for several more months, working the shitty job I'm in and coming home to nothing but sitting around. I've tried many hobbies. The interesting people from this location are the ones who have already left for the most part. 

I want to just get in the car and leave with no destination or plan in mind. It's reckless and will probably get me killed, but it's better than living. I don't see how people live to be 40 or older working the same job and even loving life enough to want a family and a house in the rural Midwest. I'm depressed and dreading every morning here.",3.8605341409691647,4.830177704845816,5.173962004405286,83.23733067180615,71.51101321585905,7.260903083700441,27.403359030837002,7.413659706084162,1.4719077092511017,877,30,174,9,16,293,130,227,0.191,0.7170000000000001,0.092,-0.9716,3,0,2,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,5,12,15,4,1,13,0,12,2,0,1,0,32,30,16,5,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,10,14,0,0,3,0,0,6,6,9,0,2,3,1,14,6,29,24,6,27,0,1,1,1,2,12,0,4,4,114,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263348863712562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908612824326486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866573141936472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026998000083293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040641237659253,0.0,0.0,0.0879216954225326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879101700904651,0.0,0.1059294468221606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546251028551573,0.0,0.13482860101552108,0.0,0.08599586189101789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621969760665793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599774073593431,0.0,0.058007036516451074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238153765124627,0.0,0.0,0.11777163103621023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025715255276814,0.0,0.4516881165497142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807423111809453,0.1108961099763593,0.0,0.07209295087231828,0.0,0.0,0.36050817528531104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921194656133922,0.0,0.0,0.10347993272444568,0.1025400348766033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305858868236796,0.0,0.08146891725512401,0.1084810836301242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958721064885741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916325058897857,0.07762656389771026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105286304233433,0.0,0.21228124940539864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004550474929962,0.0,0.0,0.10260554074328862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538674310999859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813341959528331,0.0,0.0,0.11530667424553362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571523487211358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878985708516667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102980857387965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929680303948249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060530897889948,0.2430481360159677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461714507375828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861200444115358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159425768593023,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Frusciante_Fucker,2018/01/19,"College: Need Some Advice Right away: thanks for reading, if anyone does.

Last semester(1st year of community college) was an utterly miserable experience, driving me the closest I've ever been to killing myself. I really don't wish to repeat that; over break I've fostered a lot of positivity, and I don't want it squandered by the stress of school so I can fall back into my destructive habits. Hell, I already have just anticipating this upcoming semester. 

I don't feel ready for college at this point in life(I am intent on going somewhere down the line), and I wanted to take some time off to regain my bearings prior to this year. 
However, I live with my mother and she overwhelmingly encourages me to continue(and convinced me to go in the first place) because financially, it is worth it. Despite voicing my mental health concerns, she is unwavering in her stance that I ought to stick it out and attend this semester. 

I acknowledge that going to school and applying myself could surely be good for me(and is irrefutably a good idea financially), but my attitude isn't there - if that makes sense. I'm too depressed at the core to be invested, I feel. I'd much rather be taking time to work on self-improvement and pursue long-latent goals so that I have a happy(or content, realistically)baseline, one that I can eventually enter college with so that the process of education isn't one which is conducive to a downward spiral of depression. 

Maybe that's just a ridiculous, foolish pipe dream.

I really just don't want to wind up dead because of the stress. 

",7.802835542667773,8.49408560915493,7.711209610604807,69.53205053852528,62.62676056338028,10.626014913007458,36.07207953603977,10.46071229359064,3.942836205468103,1259,55,208,28,17,404,168,284,0.153,0.7859999999999999,0.061,-0.9809,1,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,3,11,16,4,4,13,0,22,1,0,2,2,35,37,12,2,10,7,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,17,10,0,0,4,2,2,7,6,10,0,3,2,3,26,6,39,30,4,37,1,4,0,0,5,19,1,5,10,144,43,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668398420928462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306240535594605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906482157506171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180227490066295,0.09968616234707127,0.0,0.15805627419778376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350803415725324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233197344869746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344998087452465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726798375042008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681407388283847,0.0,0.0,0.13110107961006304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027282900290243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103442604933235,0.2174739540489292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780264641034806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634925493998358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342889758232938,0.0,0.0,0.10567496771676016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156948866451364,0.0,0.0,0.11447564869663393,0.11472847659661185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021640269064266,0.0,0.0,0.08653657870822896,0.0,0.13024211726222026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064794489804574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953012769293886,0.09612738602211064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569660873016596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544757245028655,0.0,0.12255293832846913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967638918614036,0.0,0.16610308107999755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071296732391614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240784660677186,0.0,0.0,0.135244156301336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970073569550101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218539704720027,0.0,0.19494825671753324,0.0,0.0,0.1193562970811724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118977662793107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939740422866275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908110437502586,0.0,0.0,0.09438041508514593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669695017384391
suicidewatch,bittersweetelle,2018/01/19,"I don't know what to do: Husband took off with all our money. This will likely be a bit long, so apologies in advance: 

In December, my husband left me. He cleared out all our accounts and left me with nothing. Savings, retirement accounts, checking - all gone. He has skipped off to parts unknown, not a trace to be found.

Now, at the age of 40, I have to start over with nothing. And, I don't think I can do it. I have a job that pays decently. There's the possibility of a small pension once you reached the age of 67. But the idea of being in one job for that long just so I can have a semblance of retirement makes me feel hopeless. Just getting through the day at work is a struggle.

I live in a rent stabilized apartment in NYC that I am scared I will lose when I retire because I now have nothing. I will, with only a few decades left until I retire, will have to start saving all over again. And, there is no way to make up in that time for what has been lost. I go to websites about retirement and they all basically say, you're fucked if you don't have substantial savings or retirement funds by 40.

So, now, I can no longer sleep. All I think about is being alone and homeless when I'm old because I won't be able to afford to stay in my apartment. The thoughts just spiral so sleep never comes. If not for coffee, I wouldn't be functional.

My parents are sympathetic but they have their own retirement to worry about. My friends have made overtures of sympathy but have distanced themselves from me since I seem to devolve into tears at the drop of a hat.

All I think about is being alone and homeless and old. No friends, my parents gone. This thinking is driving me mad and I don't think I can put up with it too much longer.

I regularly think about being dead but, so far, have not been able to cross the line from thinking about it into concrete planning. I am so miserable and wish I had the ability to make that leap (literally and figuratively).  

All I see is the happiness and success of those around me and it's like a knife in my heart. That was me once and now look at where I am. 

I really don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post but, if you got this far, thanks for reading. And, perhaps, caring for a moment.  ",3.3097972758948373,4.744526713968959,4.1658055115616115,88.14668736141908,73.43458980044345,7.105505226480839,27.96331960722205,7.658307877764058,1.5035047323408297,1752,68,369,22,35,563,201,451,0.103,0.7929999999999999,0.104,0.7331,6,2,0,0,0,1,57.0,2,3,3,7,27,19,2,3,21,0,51,4,3,4,10,74,86,32,1,5,15,4,1,2,2,6,0,1,1,0,18,25,0,0,15,1,7,9,14,8,0,1,12,4,49,11,66,60,13,64,0,4,2,1,18,31,1,5,22,268,67,8,0.1813095732843933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877820378163008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070198004243988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052463301954916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897154762939024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242859680653187,0.0,0.0,0.07809107156886373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846483770083737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583778399785946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939829437977224,0.14007932656167965,0.08380888945894037,0.04736338438221272,0.0,0.05152120438913835,0.0,0.07250491435012969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650370609952626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742635865678267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233821958048492,0.0,0.0,0.17992177495865225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964299982212588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954900728172175,0.0,0.0,0.08857869920645935,0.0,0.08004983747774376,0.1604532668771495,0.07612718878800256,0.101419517656254,0.09896040853379652,0.0,0.0,0.08577975106188701,0.18153832208886364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664169905545449,0.0,0.06991856014878446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260957138268912,0.0,0.19025389760891276,0.19308877824353826,0.06143002959307135,0.06894705030252987,0.0,0.0,0.20132282459093465,0.0981702996890317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219965080708714,0.08682222630563848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911330995954913,0.0,0.0,0.09067931911493436,0.0,0.058075777671471165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209232495457976,0.09076125628423548,0.0,0.07224012783903755,0.08252871300338402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499057631114152,0.0,0.1814405128898617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283318491659459,0.09662594055740847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477206626285499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346274768543062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066154876032941,0.0,0.07196977435597196,0.0528615351175474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072080358166692,0.061548649393569715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195755000358985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424853068838108,0.0,0.0,0.06599776436881707,0.09206433632321323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ALTER-BOT_ONE,2018/01/19,"The biggest frustration... ...is reading random people online say they care. Be real, you don't. So why do you say it? It's almost as bad as the suicide hotlines, even as bad as the textbook psychologists and psychiatrists. 

Just be straight up. ",2.5753030303030333,5.5548325909090925,3.897272727272728,80.18257575757578,86.72727272727272,5.660606060606061,27.787878787878785,7.1686216300943375,2.0195424242424247,190,9,31,3,6,62,33,44,0.206,0.698,0.096,-0.7809999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,0,22,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822776305122626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707419470792255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874112567100929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861893237360987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954308505809057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819717919010648,0.3208588017162468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483492432048666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083479311367252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543668490022372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rossz-csillag,2018/01/19,"Depression since childhood has ruined my life I have been depressed since age 12 and am now 22. My depression came back full force in college (I had thought I was doing better at the time) and caused me to fail two semesters in a row. Now I have no degree, over 20k in debt, no way to get my hands on my transcripts because I still owe the school room and board (a year of credits wasted). The 6k I owe them just went to the attorney general so now I probably won't even get a tax return. All I do is get underpaid as a programmer ($9 an hour, live in the actual fucking middle of nowhere so there's nothing better around and I don't make enough to move anyways).

I have been actively fucking trying to get better. I have been on countless meds, none of them work. I go to group therapy most days during the week. The coping skills they teach don't make my fucking debt go away. They don't cure me being chronically single and rejected since I've been old enough to date. I don't have the energy or motivation to look for a better job. I don't have any self confidence left to try and get dates anymore (I can't even manage to get one date, I've been on one date in my whole life and it's now been over a year since then.)

I just don't have any will left to keep doing this. I need a fucking miracle at this point. I shouldn't have to pay this debt, I was pressured into going to school by my guidance counselor. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I don't want to deal with this anymore. When I look online and see how other people dealt with it they all have kids or girlfriends or wives or someone that they loved enough to keep living for. I don't fucking have any of that, there's no point in living this fucking disappointing life anymore.

I can't deal with this anymore. I'm taking a shit ton of old meds I have lying around. Enough that I won't wake up.",3.1209409248863937,4.30118566149871,4.158668805132319,89.01558139534886,73.5219638242894,7.095036977635214,24.45593869731801,7.503015589744147,0.9688391517419592,1469,43,317,17,29,477,184,387,0.13,0.789,0.081,-0.9497,6,1,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,6,8,19,21,7,1,17,0,43,14,3,5,2,38,77,18,0,3,6,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,13,16,0,2,3,0,9,6,18,15,0,3,14,4,43,6,46,58,12,56,0,7,3,7,14,26,7,5,23,210,56,14,0.0,0.0,0.0699255546923287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618484891255248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842525068729765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757739833022472,0.0,0.0,0.06732281954448555,0.05509875348590587,0.0,0.04368060462897482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534943132541472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195494706039243,0.0,0.0736100665259278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621195095677461,0.14774760838392634,0.18515065746330145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961576663541807,0.0,0.09465573056826744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974668304976232,0.2620597503737585,0.0,0.12217063096870898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056635784947092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110715232795377,0.12738162583180893,0.0,0.0,0.03938005818581131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570809498769242,0.0,0.1518374636147698,0.0,0.0,0.18981969209672275,0.0,0.1203453581022396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467200023969877,0.0,0.09566137376535257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918649413770064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615859058468356,0.0,0.053131738858963086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875550587181105,0.0,0.15038105178067346,0.0,0.0971114135082108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049676988900644974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135475455749293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725688443952325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503863838809625,0.05710025677127496,0.0,0.07475244560536105,0.0,0.07355347054317354,0.2370970977422965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071357952146007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722427561968507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387611322617054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194445337367386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688656316684986,0.04178297185826158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729893313945248,0.0,0.06999713479713154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226434484756795,0.0568769007578708,0.05747782111180547,0.0,0.0,0.06642548334540192,0.0,0.08000094764743915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216614926521653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922877478613367
suicidewatch,bitterassbitch,2018/01/19,"I never thought I’d be posting here but I think I’m finally losing it I’ve been bouncing between clinical depression and anxiety since I was 12 years old (I’m 20 now).  I was always extremely apathetic towards life, and have had recurring thoughts of suicide for years. I’ve been too scared to commit to the act fearing the pain and uncertainty that comes with death. For all my teens I was alone and insecure and had zero purpose of prospect in my life. Things finally started getting better when I got into a top school on a full ride and got into the most beautiful relationship of my life. 

For 2 years I woke up every single day looking forward to some element of my life. Whether it was talking to my partner, or working towards my career, I loved my life to the fullest. A Love I’ve NEVER experienced before. I had purpose, drive and motive. 

And then my partner left me. 

During our relationship my anxiety was at an all time high, and I constantly feared everything. “Will my life finally work itself out? Will they leave me? Where am I going?” But I could live with that. I was in therapy and it helped me manage my thoughts. I kept reminding myself that the labors that I am currently committing to in life will lead my to the life I dreamt of with my partner (beautiful house, beautiful kids, beautiful love) 

Now I am utterly excruciatingly alone, i am in pain every single day and I am struggling to get out of bed. My relationship provided me a consistent reason to wake up and work hard every day because the life I desired was on the horizon. Now I’m back to hating myself and am reminded that I am a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve life and will never lead a fulfilling one. I hate my life once again and I am reminded of the sweet joy and relief that suicide brings and it’s all one step away. I wish I had done it sooner. 

I never have to suffer again if I could just commit, maybe it’s time. ",3.841331546023234,5.606908490616625,5.2348713136729215,79.67629267202861,72.67292225201072,8.619445933869526,29.591510277033066,9.21078282632365,2.7033171403038425,1509,64,284,34,30,505,178,373,0.211,0.639,0.15,-0.982,1,2,0,0,0,3,35.0,1,0,1,9,11,20,3,5,16,0,32,19,2,4,10,56,56,24,3,5,6,0,1,0,3,4,14,0,1,4,15,25,0,1,6,0,0,10,5,13,0,3,21,4,50,7,42,28,9,60,0,3,1,3,15,22,1,4,29,205,65,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054404907061553,0.0,0.0,0.06047354459106855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119625532608586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828295165559778,0.05588455067714082,0.0,0.04430356058092158,0.0,0.06184324303013476,0.0,0.0,0.06427738786795845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626052749610722,0.0,0.07853861356428607,0.0,0.1160542214517738,0.0,0.0,0.14061302398396489,0.0,0.06259706826556166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437436788040974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837019140723419,0.0,0.0653178966516616,0.0,0.0,0.16356490109520394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23884411433287445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594204158718845,0.0,0.0413043271440223,0.0,0.11625375366801123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510481045827701,0.14350807045951164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048714230524205863,0.0767878230098655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386013609271573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769550328032093,0.0789643719200165,0.0,0.5646773403843901,0.0,0.0,0.06417560913431593,0.0,0.0610308386136505,0.08130758948146788,0.0,0.0,0.19678298216194692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301436860511767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421363134385314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626286419772181,0.07739921998108458,0.0984963790681146,0.0,0.1546680770340183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696050040215375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472462695816019,0.0,0.23408547319626985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276290735076132,0.0735535617808161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460246179799736,0.060119621297656564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144154473672431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597835639613215,0.0,0.15899488971547962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584154625961584,0.0,0.0,0.0831131135923626,0.0,0.04828373555740794,0.04656884015293851,0.0,0.17309357223259475,0.08475772900567928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835755970166006,0.0,0.0,0.15873036835519375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040588024070266
suicidewatch,kms-throwaway,2018/01/19,"Whys it so hard? Last night I got drunk, wrote a suicide note, laid out my diaries that are filled with every suicidal and depressive thought of the past year, and tried to hang myself.

I've been on anti depressants for only a week and they've taken away my fear of killing myself, before I would chicken out and breakdown, this time I sat trying and trying for an hour. and I can't cry anymore.

There's no where I can drop from so I go with one of the methods that just cuts off the carotid arteries. And it just hurts. Maybe I'm not cutting off the carotid arteries enough. It's one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my head, it's a throbbing at the front of my brain and it almost feels like two knives have been inserted above my eyes.

I kept trying but I wasn't falling unconscious whatsoever.

At one point I started a stopwatch on my phone to see how long my attempts were, one was 24 seconds before it hurt too much. I tried adjusting what I was using so it cut off my airwaves too but it just made me choke and cough.

My last attempt, I didn't time it, but instead sang along to the song playing on my itunes in my head, as it was distracting me from the pain. It was the longest attempt until it hurt too much and a Kayne song came on, and I wasn't fucking dying to Kanye lmao.

I gave up. Put everything away. Went to the bathroom once more before going to bed and noticed my eyes were completely bloodshot and I have burst capillaries all over my face. They're still the same now 12 hours later.

Why's it so hard to die? I don't know how people successfully do it. ",2.8632722076684933,4.390359962848302,3.758405572755418,90.2435335794237,74.75851393188854,6.702976899261731,25.116575375089308,7.321109707123232,0.9942437246963554,1240,41,266,14,26,397,180,323,0.185,0.7609999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9909,0,0,1,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,0,4,18,18,5,2,17,0,19,12,6,4,2,42,39,24,5,1,7,0,4,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,18,19,1,1,5,5,0,9,7,15,0,6,22,10,33,3,38,16,7,46,0,5,3,1,3,19,1,1,18,174,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962336051628592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530868186823363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058448837688335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24533057223036606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728310208467506,0.0,0.1099166098879454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076251543434754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556499782503316,0.0,0.0,0.16554731851142232,0.0,0.1994801722572144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930043226673306,0.0,0.0,0.08693096605063087,0.08097120233350981,0.0,0.08637147825849352,0.0,0.0,0.10814296711158468,0.04859273237373548,0.06865623977036206,0.09227426998659624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884598208780005,0.0,0.0,0.10923547685336783,0.0,0.07686261401644097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217941817718865,0.0,0.19725948942578367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928484747205712,0.0,0.3086418145287577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063240982546886,0.0,0.05281587809195623,0.15667408506892289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04695123377642008,0.0,0.0,0.08504842485641301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093529666771363,0.0,0.0,0.09654871442303446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129401400748096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018646710966532,0.0,0.0,0.10941428074894102,0.0,0.1023469123856202,0.2604884204582109,0.0730909147672969,0.2045214426310968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917415049628364,0.0666259500524878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908487123297969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661039284184177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658191327248097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802243321621533,0.0,0.07674824528620801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102428945853508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629531096968364,0.1120772517690538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32623927108761136,0.0,0.09387899125968144,0.0,0.0,0.08300242289114945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708829627697625,0.0,0.0,0.08908875182500539,0.08671830944938633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826904989965372,0.0,0.0,0.061887395105243326
suicidewatch,RecoveryFromECT,2018/01/19,"There is hope for all of you. At least none of you have significant brain damage and can recover. I don't know each of your stories but I suspect that your brain is functioning fine and perhaps most of your depression is psychological. Meaning, there are reasons that you feel this way and because of those reasons you can address the thoughts effectively. 

Personally I think the brain damage I got from ECT is going to be the ultimate factor in my suicide. I took a short 15 minute cognitive test called the MoCA which signifies that I am not seriously brain damaged, but I feel like even if I solve all of my psychological issues, I cannot fix the brain damage done to me through ECT. I feel like it took a part of me away. I don't feel like myself, who usually remembers the little things without making an effort. 

Life is so hard and I don't want to have to jump off a bridge/building. Or jump in front of a train. 

But I am so behind in life now and I just can't seem to recover from ECT. ",4.3978970268310364,5.556256741116755,5.4115627266134885,81.32711928934012,70.42131979695432,8.674256707759247,28.792240754169693,9.04235418022936,2.2377428571428566,786,29,158,15,14,259,111,197,0.13699999999999998,0.738,0.125,-0.7644,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,7,0,2,7,11,0,0,11,0,19,7,5,4,2,34,35,12,1,3,8,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,9,6,0,0,14,0,0,6,8,6,0,0,5,5,26,5,25,29,7,17,0,5,0,0,10,8,0,5,5,115,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090002954121234,0.0,0.0,0.07072191629158248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6475578232142062,0.11846470352296375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992390146361996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872404272948585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662708324013309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464350592794064,0.24864429334273905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593423030693392,0.0,0.09278812049964036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392701839392053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522947807881607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108994487196732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375903452415099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638902282130487,0.17003780549233172,0.1162779177999136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744118614241158,0.0,0.0,0.1263747910927418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563338193937726,0.0,0.0,0.10130017990257503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385663248443497,0.0,0.0,0.13142284213818162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056160707929246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690202699068975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707548241182191,0.07433798936039586,0.0,0.09210327541421208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257794775521712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777458208480405,0.0,0.06842889387216862,0.0920876313066088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183471391060264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WokeChicken,2018/01/19,"Anyone got tips on killing oneself? I've been suicidal about 12 months. Done the crisis housing, tried starving myself, have sat crosslegged on main roads, tried to OD on an assortment of drugs. Guns are impossible to come by in the UK. The closest I've got was when someone tried to mug me with a knife and I pointed to an area on my neck I'd like the to puncture and they ran. 

I was in crisis housing when I was hysterical. Violently upset, and impulsive. Now I'm mellow and just bored. The equivalent would be if I was about to being engulfed by a ball of fire would be: Hysterical 'Oh Fuck!' - My current bored self would stare blankly at it. 

Life isn't bad. It's just not worth it. Like a Michael Bay Movie, I'm in the movie theatre and I want to leave. It's just not for me. I have good stuff going on, I just find it very hard to care. 3 months ago I quit smoking weed. Thought it would help my suicidal urges, nup. Kinda made me wanna go more, as being stoned would make me think about shit that isn't to do with my life until I ran out and had to be sober. 

I moved in with my girlfriend, and thinking it was a great relationship, I fear her coming home. I make dinner, but she's not hungry yet and can be aggressive even though I tried to do good. 

I have a cool job, but the amount of pressure I'm under to excel my career is crushing. I also can't identify the areas of my skill set to develop to succeed either. It's the job I've always wanted, it's the dream job because if I did anything else for my living, I'd have driven into trucks at 90mph on my way to work. It's the only think I can bare to think about doing. 

I have no hobbies. My job is often misunderstood as a hobby. I play music as a career. Don't want to get involved in sports incase of personal injury. Used to like video games until I completed fallout 4 for the 10th time and realised I've achieved nothing. 

I feel misunderstood, obsolete, useless, bored, miserable, impotent, hopeless, scared, left out, sick, ashamed, more feelings come to me and different times. Usually when I think about one of all the aspects of my life I'm positively sick of. 

I like diazepam, weed, and painkillers for drugs. Anyone know a combo that's lethal? Don't want to go out wrenching or sweating my nut off on anti-depressant a MDMA. A gun would be cool if I knew how to get one with out it being risky as balls. 

Don't really have friends that aren't my girlfriends friends are musicians I play with. Parents are as emotionally intelligent as the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket on this subject. Ive spoken to everyone I can and nothing makes it better. Ive moved cities, I've quit my addiction. Life is still black or at best grey at times. Everything is more work than its worth and I just want to cease to be. I smoke 30g of tobacco a day beckoning the cancer to my lungs, I eat no veg the rare occasions I do eat. I am not helping myself stay alive. 

Please anyone know a calm but sure way of killing your self? ",2.29593325279372,4.282903612956815,3.6541425551193,88.35925067955303,77.65448504983388,6.637318030806402,24.400604047115674,7.62072044053348,1.1640334883720935,2333,81,484,34,55,764,291,602,0.192,0.685,0.123,-0.9915,7,0,4,2,0,1,76.0,0,1,1,11,21,38,6,6,30,2,54,18,4,6,2,78,95,35,6,15,18,1,4,4,4,6,10,0,1,3,18,26,3,0,12,8,2,11,13,18,0,2,18,9,60,20,86,62,9,63,0,3,3,1,17,31,2,7,21,299,78,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701919833068684,0.0,0.0,0.06262718176919313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056498977538050235,0.05878666573642528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820088761698194,0.0,0.058139134042805324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058990005743285785,0.043067735228947725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414307615784482,0.06248440273438687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203263609376183,0.0,0.0,0.1825767977068656,0.074075440506858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556356499926492,0.0,0.06085095479505355,0.0,0.0,0.07381447167852387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229973261050276,0.0,0.0,0.1638637146607292,0.14458568244420353,0.059019216288165914,0.07947201936761293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666382226898713,0.0,0.0,0.06750933930042538,0.06349588705330682,0.0,0.0,0.0795011705690172,0.07144577605074995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457304643503417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091684121917084,0.06531501552982066,0.07382367685434313,0.0,0.12045649166274668,0.11851615153791795,0.11301091417246692,0.07789214747564159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328874479121101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471074354244506,0.0,0.07086795888408569,0.0,0.0,0.16304180025927278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804378772095437,0.0,0.1563280626879977,0.0,0.07765505691384395,0.0,0.0,0.07480841119417456,0.07676170081544004,0.0,0.19960943722707092,0.13806456932270045,0.0,0.06238546306689793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685097259875013,0.14147876678763033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278470729818788,0.15018006470245895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558163617796132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574887253062828,0.053732696976629316,0.0,0.0,0.07844873914661768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061689071160083125,0.0,0.07755275607263998,0.06678732022817828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029046982006375,0.0,0.0,0.045260357761653984,0.0,0.0,0.07585192588261401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073322295500829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740723313671614,0.0,0.07252146396394678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598617255837485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753037637037609,0.056421379053487875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087763066075374,0.15455980790787224,0.0,0.06658702231950321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263491298811796,0.06941350962681922,0.056088404942305874,0.12359018271531776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186752226086928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101913010304377,0.07781126641887624,0.05829385342188215,0.2083567328086592,0.11215775620735068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028684434911789,0.0,0.0,0.30112745334924546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ireliaxox,2018/01/19,"I told my parents I was seriously thinking of Suicide on my 15th birthday. My dad told me to do it. My mom cried. Its been 7 years now: not a normal jolly life. I am scared I will kill myself now not because I had my fill of life and but because I am depressed. 

Should I do it?",-1.116500000000002,0.9317013500000008,1.6916666666666664,96.2925,93.83333333333334,3.6666666666666665,20.833333333333336,5.148860815047168,-0.2396666666666665,211,8,49,1,8,73,41,60,0.279,0.721,0.0,-0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,7,12,2,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,14,0,4,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,37,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29660870096263897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723727948601417,0.0,0.0,0.2095411165475637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691589385383262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343678948759825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849325910762964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383677623461056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701393338509631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24357084560002684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661144334667462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588728086392267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46493871401174297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566676402514869
suicidewatch,FacingTheGates,2018/01/19,"Birthdays I didn't think I'd be alive in a year on my last birthday, but here I am. And I have the Flu. My ears have been ringing and painful, my throat hurts when I breathe, and I'm missing class which I'm to old and to far behind to be missing.

I set my birthday to public on FB to see what would happen. Nothing that's what happened. I wanted just one happy birthday that wasn't from my mom or brother. Apparently that's a lot to ask for.

By and large I'm doing better this year than last year. I no longer go straight to suicide when considering my options for any problems. So I guess that's progress, but I'm still unsure if this will be my last birthday.",3.1062589928057527,4.024878510791371,4.007978417266187,91.084773381295,73.24460431654677,6.135539568345324,28.288489208633088,5.6839178017228535,0.8882886330935253,519,20,115,2,10,167,84,139,0.208,0.6809999999999999,0.111,-0.9428,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,3,0,12,5,3,0,0,17,26,12,1,4,5,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,3,15,2,16,18,1,17,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,5,10,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599683173389892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321189655900696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386520509910632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529895914313812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410693535037672,0.0,0.3276851876159357,0.1972341276998119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834619517462915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45308406822647795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575185281034284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169978313989588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777812673861677,0.0,0.1944203132348274,0.0,0.1255506010190684,0.0,0.19715110559197008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728804744020346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764426336705647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796493918451364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026663736433847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872001641642226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092830122762176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161767775819186,0.0,0.0,0.3579429582612573
suicidewatch,madeupfoxygirl,2018/01/19,"I don't feel like I have even a hypothetical chance to improve my existence Hello, people!
I am now at a point of life where I am completely stuck. 
I am 23, currently doing my master studies. 
Apparently, my life looks decent from the outside. But in reality, it is hell. I am at a point where I do not identify myself with being a person anymore. I just feel like I am nothing, just a rotting body with no feelings and perspectives that things will improve even in theory.
 I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 16. Tried to get help from several medical institutions, psychologists, pills, etc. But it only gets worse with time. In last 2 years it has been a living hell. I cannot deal with it any longer. On top of that, I am also bipolar. Which does not help when I try to control myself. I basically cannot. 
I do not care how I look. I do not want to be pretty and thin. I just want to be productive and useful, because it makes me feel good. 
The problem is that I only can focus on studying and living life in general when I can restrict. But I cannot anymore as now my eating disorder took the form of BED (before it was anorexia, then ednos, then anorexia again, the couple of bulimic months when I inhaled a spoon and now BED for a couple years). I am not thin anymore. I do not care for that. But I feel worthless when I am constantly thinking about stuffing myself and doing that. This makes me unproductive. I sincerely try to care about my studies and am pretty good at forcing myself to do it. But in reality, it will not go well. It got worse in last 2 moths. Before that, even with constant internal struggle, I was passionate about learning stuff. But now it became a chore. Everything became a chore. Even washing my hair and basic hygiene. I don't go out. My friends do not understand me because I cannot formulate what I feel accurately. Even now as I am typing, I realize that it all sound basic and cheesy, like ""put yourself together, woman, children in Africa are starving and you only care about your stupid problem you invented"". But believe me, it is impossible to live like that, when you don't identify yourself not only with being a young woman but even with being a person. I constantly feel like I am somekind of a cartoon character which is pleasant to be around (I am nice to people and ready to help them if they ask and have good sense of humor) but not really a person with a full life. I have goals, I want to have a good carreer and be able to support my parents, but the necessity for that is to be able to control my eating habits. I never wished and feel stupid that such a basic thing controls my life. But in reality it does, I just have to accept it and minimize the suffering while trying to function. I just do not how to get back in control. Tried everything, it just does not work. I got out of patience and tried to commit suicide 2 times over the last 3 weeks. Magically, it did not work '(the car stopped and I just got scratches and bruises on my head and arms and the second time I just passed out for 1.5 days after taking an overdose of pills and woke up in a bunch of vomit, sorry for details). So yes. Don't know what now
",4.021256170212766,5.446597736000001,5.285450212765959,80.8534995744681,71.64,8.071148936170212,28.65787234042553,8.593345894127513,2.1814442553191493,2495,96,476,43,47,831,253,625,0.102,0.7859999999999999,0.112,0.8945,3,0,0,0,0,2,81.0,0,4,2,9,40,32,4,2,29,1,59,19,4,9,3,102,97,47,1,7,33,1,12,5,1,2,11,1,4,6,34,34,3,6,14,0,0,6,23,10,1,1,11,16,70,22,73,76,5,71,2,2,2,1,20,30,2,1,40,357,104,5,0.11745231790280206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696328809625856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039935801892751414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472170847043506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052278732135464856,0.05490103117082718,0.0,0.0,0.04515679128416993,0.0,0.07159784284054692,0.0,0.09994327176331054,0.06616427089215884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523152373014801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395009317771121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615732603486135,0.19038634492884468,0.26346552340259355,0.0,0.12995875578066032,0.0,0.037873514229739565,0.06054409122190822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461053190822914,0.0,0.15417497234091768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027456482681364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654951907898572,0.2327284447668264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555856996186093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375496839157795,0.12586193906676685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537168472931656,0.0,0.09204598265784623,0.0,0.06675085895389063,0.1970268635387824,0.14090602215045686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026998158140511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808871935246537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032274361137952574,0.14360897286424626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074001140311272,0.1434531744539337,0.0,0.1555688228015851,0.0,0.09863036591620228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840033423231578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916042683826552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468746597947707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529323413618168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056349333367134824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786555607384528,0.0,0.0,0.06520844974317712,0.0,0.0,0.08142664860780455,0.1538322504684511,0.0,0.0,0.11103040436229654,0.0,0.0,0.11949123217763764,0.0,0.11238600595097024,0.0,0.05903601002009925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03762148119350976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634384387851787,0.0,0.04857888554398073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573912696464497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909769846669949,0.0,0.12278666430426607,0.06722740188892362,0.06423688625153727,0.06664174924158074,0.0,0.0,0.04415476297079594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803010107685368,0.03762935139768946,0.0,0.0,0.10273108664346642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524692341062342,0.2392272422501116,0.0,0.0,0.06113600255764036,0.0,0.05072054595116167,0.0,0.0,0.1039146302755472,0.0,0.04710658240351268,0.0,0.05280186962547212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753218456979129,0.0,0.0,0.08550668628359474,0.0,0.11969394617519473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563544190389893
suicidewatch,rosegoldfinch,2018/01/19,"I just want to be better Hi! I apologize for any grammatical mistakes I'm just at that point where I need to get this out. I'm not one to post about this kind of thing publicly but I don't think I can bring this up to anyone I know irl so this is a pretty tough spot for me. I'll just be straightforward. I've had suicidal thoughts all my life. I'm at that point where I just think my life is meaningless. Yes, I have people that care for me dearly as I do them but I can't help but to remember I'm just going to be forgotten a few generations in the future.

 Most of my family hates me anyways, they think I'm sort of monster for being the only one that's transgender in the family. I shouldn't have to bring that up but that's all they care about. I have others that support me but having them support me just hurts me more. I don't want good people to waste their time on me. So in return, I support them back and pretend I'm happy. Nobody worries then. Recently, someone I knew for a while confessed his love for me and I know I love him back. I feel so guilty that I love him back. I just feel so selfish. He doesn't know about how suicidal I am and if he finds out I know that will be my breaking point. I just wish I was better for him. 

Almost every day I end up crying my eyes out because how awful everything has become. I'm not sure if it's just me or I really am in a bad place. I honestly thought I wouldn't be alive for as long as I've been. I just want to be happy. Thank you for listening.",0.3199040723981881,2.2894667723076907,2.552095022624435,93.79064027149323,84.35384615384616,5.915837104072398,18.789592760180994,7.1686216300943375,0.19588144796380114,1171,30,272,17,34,397,150,325,0.193,0.598,0.209,0.7446,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,6,2,25,24,1,0,7,2,28,6,1,2,3,57,67,22,2,10,20,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,16,6,0,0,15,1,0,3,8,6,0,2,6,4,54,18,40,51,5,36,1,1,1,3,22,19,0,6,12,189,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985050062903172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780984479190391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972327826887299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300248045478021,0.08325813667495678,0.06078554054693761,0.11012774938571064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763802148300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033328522479236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953260936129136,0.06430813956207919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831818661427067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401446746022917,0.0,0.08961771025397043,0.0,0.1880054801672264,0.0,0.100838135415146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113800647863683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052097145100603134,0.0,0.056670520821708564,0.08363648908490713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229764912243385,0.0,0.09844824570923874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683708478313878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067473247125917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383817312945898,0.21920375360432154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086377511629802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824493050272744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699909394258331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393765480522838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513937852998795,0.07583800293668275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826011103641608,0.0,0.10418129807183077,0.0,0.2827896572807848,0.0,0.09549972369586264,0.10144634042555246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638801947041026,0.0,0.098456860090855,0.0,0.1129580322264973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448847677587762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814477637533305,0.3394673294555373,0.0939805198389322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180448005096233,0.0,0.0,0.06624643543314462,0.19168067425438176,0.0,0.15832566977155582,0.058144811676374475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644405812900196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466771010217115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012657594169392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mayadeighton,2018/01/19,What did you do in the end? I can relate a lot to your story. What did you decide?,-3.141754385964912,-1.5950634210526289,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,104.26315789473685,2.533333333333333,6.333333333333332,3.1291,-2.569750877192983,61,0,16,0,3,22,16,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7214324139445498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6924848533434791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throway000004,2018/01/19,"Normal people, I hate you. Everyday, millions upon millions of people wake up normal.

They wake up to their loving spouse, go down stairs to their kids enjoying breakfast. They love their kids, and their kids love them. They go to the job they find fulfilling, they work diligently, and they return home tired but happy they were productive. They enjoy a nice dinner, spend some time with their hobbies they enjoy, then return to bed to be with their spouse.

They had a largely happy childhood, where they were a pretty good student who studied hard and learned what they needed to. They found friends in school. Passions. Dreams. Some drama happened, but ultimately it strengthened them and they learned to overcome. When they were stuck, they got help. After all, their family was a happy, healthy one capable of helping them out.

When they were young adults, they went out and enjoyed themselves. They had fun being around other people. Alcohol was just a little tool to help spice up the night. Maybe even a little pot or other drugs, if the night called for it. They knew the thrills of finding a beautiful partner to spend the night with. Around this time, they started to develop their political and philosophical notions. They settled on some healthy, meaningful insights that guided them as they moved along in life. 

These are the sorts of people that go on /r/getmotivated, or /r/getdisciplined, and the the posts actually mean something, instead of sounding like ""Let them eat cake"" drivel. These are the sorts of people who tell you all about how running is the key to being a better person. These are the sorts of people who never even think about suicide, or if they do dismiss it as selfish and bad because they have people relying on them. These are the sorts of people who cry when something bad happens, rather than accept it as the norm or just a thing that has happened.

I'm sure to many of you on here, this sounds like a very alien group of people. But I assure you, they are real. They are the majority. Or at least, largest minority. 

I hate them. I hate them so much.

I hate them because I'm envious of them. I will never understand what going out to a club and having fun feels like. The experience of a normal, functional childhood is lost forever to me. You can't unsee your mother deteriorating into an animal hording mess or your father drink himself numb at night while you barely have any food in the cupboard. I can never have a healthy relationship with alcohol, because I live in fear of it. I will never know the feeling of finding someone during a night out on the town and taking them home for a fun night.

Instead I'm destined to sit here at home, literally more terrified of going outside than of dying. I can never have kids, because it would be unethical to risk passing on my illnesses, and I likely couldn't be a decent parent. I have such little understanding of how to interact socially, a loving partner is almost entirely out of the question. I can't hold down a job for more than a month and my hobbies bore me in a week. 

But the real kicker? The true tragedy? Even if, by some miracle, I did turn my life around and achieve that normal life, everything I've experienced and all the shit I've been through has fundamentally shifted my normal. I'm so used to days without speaking, it wouldn't seem strange at all to not talk for a weekend. Where most people say a 5 or 6 is their average mood, mine will be a 4, and I'd be fine with that. My political views and philosophy will always be touched by nihilism and the understanding that ultimately I am simply a cog. I will always, *always*, understand that suicide is a viable option to your problems no matter what anyone says.

I can hear the words before they leave you. ""Normality is over rated!"" You're wrong. ""Be happy with yourself and what you have."" I'm not happy full stop. ""Just because you're different doesn't mean you're bad. You know things that they can't and that makes you stronger."" I don't care about being stronger or wiser, I want to be moderately happy with a normal life, which is apparently off the table. ""Things can get better, if you try! Go see a therapist!"" What, exactly, do you think I have been doing my entire fucking life but trying and seeing therapists? ""Have you tried running? Or drugs?"" Hilarious.  ""What do you do for fun?"" I don't. 

To any normal people reading this? Enjoy what you have. Appreciate it. Don't let it go.

-------- 

Edit 

Since there seems to be a lot of confusion over what I'm talking about and what I'm actually envious of, I'll make it a bit more clear.

I'm not envious of the loud griping people talking shit about their spouse and their job. Turns out this group is just a vocal minority. Did you know that the divorce rate is the lowest in modern history? How about that job satisfaction is up? It's true.

I also don't mean to imply they live perfect lives. I mean to say they can handle issues as they arise. They can cope with, tolerate, and solve problems. They aren't crippled by emptiness or anxiety. ",3.8952500796431977,6.245538740779773,4.6293053887813365,81.52711146371948,74.13171759747102,7.153679515769354,26.524873183522434,8.095622284723099,1.840728027054182,3991,147,715,65,86,1280,387,949,0.119,0.6759999999999999,0.205,0.9986,8,0,7,0,1,2,152.0,0,19,56,6,34,63,10,3,59,0,83,27,4,6,16,154,147,57,3,20,28,6,4,4,3,7,12,8,4,8,49,42,7,2,28,6,2,12,21,24,0,3,18,17,108,38,115,107,18,90,0,1,3,6,119,44,3,30,36,511,157,12,0.0,0.0,0.08315298947854102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106392770814786,0.042662918001092065,0.0,0.0,0.03407133470383098,0.10635272982129963,0.0,0.0,0.0579459457849256,0.0,0.032592834271043286,0.0,0.0,0.02979052167803936,0.0,0.0,0.11378288782688015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672059835986346,0.12985856433713522,0.0,0.036253857019808815,0.0,0.0,0.0753616115583155,0.046513805055941694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043504636556199884,0.0,0.043438804751766674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046799772682038436,0.02747680650228076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044217434322713065,0.04451332891558429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173684131082535,0.09881692928440614,0.04359571973334049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442092811410598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038290774707434166,0.0416760262273719,0.04016435738229157,0.047942655068033975,0.043084902684489515,0.03043713807281046,0.0,0.0,0.1168210456438285,0.0,0.05151833409942566,0.046714363859264176,0.03291664445046378,0.03938778810295679,0.02225944001798821,0.0,0.16949447798110898,0.035735190642511114,0.03407524215250528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302681893750867,0.27212393946780866,0.03816585893637578,0.16825511770437454,0.0,0.0,0.04801911690537405,0.0,0.0856720311737531,0.0,0.12820936159194474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044468722628795934,0.1691162069544233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024405265851277,0.0,0.0,0.04511271756629557,0.0,0.08713333469656649,0.1504664385569333,0.08325892533127667,0.1281047029949222,0.11286342260128185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046508569998661535,0.036221387331705455,0.15381129771939706,0.0,0.056878556353345634,0.04319494971633059,0.04280261432136906,0.18563805734050334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03400703587283696,0.04528254734233419,0.031319698162845036,0.031591189671325105,0.1642986471592235,0.0,0.0,0.2398923647054305,0.3339521226673086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028870362134504432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047307993259840114,0.0,0.0,0.3544446793641901,0.037201186333825687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080397049084925,0.04334476918814608,0.0,0.08153477705679013,0.0,0.0,0.04772753495439636,0.0,0.04261669412012982,0.09698800944805457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045742002197052635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164401070670363,0.0,0.043118701113394206,0.06790160008619439,0.07757228335019448,0.0,0.0,0.08746717833126713,0.035243432391607286,0.0,0.0,0.0434305998715083,0.0360992176706064,0.0655990743527909,0.0,0.0,0.03015615476139492,0.0,0.0,0.03561982530307449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932062698558114,0.0,0.040154863384056036,0.0,0.03203378146910807,0.1027332522491666,0.03723879172192028,0.0,0.0,0.09893575968811648,0.08491493457551516,0.05459933825463503,0.0,0.0,0.04968682815030088,0.048968369185980055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677833017432356,0.09268436931520713,0.0,0.17741391542485102,0.0,0.03679718281056098,0.0,0.035153722733750385,0.02512962991777884,0.0,0.034175293104137236,0.0,0.0,0.03949541438770431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106985826461164,0.0,0.031017067222939263,0.0,0.0,0.03026548649977703,0.0465820591728725,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glasser_c,2018/01/19,"People don’t even care when you tell them you want to die I’ve tried, I really have.
My mom brushed it off
My fiance felt awful about it but the next morning acted like it never happened and never brought it up again.
The counseling office stopped calling after I missed one of their calls.

What’s the point of reaching out if the goal is just to shut you up about it? It’s not like anybody follows through.",2.305243902439024,4.545214097560977,2.797743902439024,93.26051829268292,78.75609756097559,5.0756097560975615,23.664634146341466,5.985473137389443,0.418678048780488,324,11,66,2,8,100,62,82,0.108,0.757,0.135,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,2,1,6,4,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,11,10,4,1,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,2,2,9,3,12,8,0,16,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,9,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712558602241971,0.0,0.23527137474140594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394885545330165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241232601320848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156218625262414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040569887226937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547169442300155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27025892965613524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355946889480025,0.0,0.24541188846302944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636640620022674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997732799112507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181392421197092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478283618277073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292255657108567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169113243772552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566683456918888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610601422586646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whereismytype,2018/01/19,"I feel like I'm going to die of sadness and unwillingness to live. Hello there.

Sadly, my message deleted itself from reddit as I messed up with options... I'll rewrite again...

I feel like my life is coming to an end ; not necessarily because of suicide on itself, but because I'm losing the will to live little by little.

I've been in a long distance relationship since February 2017 ; I knew the girl for 6 years, but never had the chance to meet until then. It was great until she was in a very shady situation with one of her male friends in June. After talking about it together, we concluded the friend may be flirting, and my girlfriend was oblivious to it.

We decided she would not talk to him again as we went on a week long vacation somewhere. After we parted ways, we had a week break before I came back to her house for her birthday ; and I discovered she talked back to the friend because he has been claiming sadness and depression (which i cannot confirm nor deny). Along the way, she lied to me about the quantity of messages (""only reading, not answering"" to ""30 messages a day"" to ""100 messages a day""), and I discovered she ""jokingly"" invited him to help her sleep at another's friend house that she needed to guard because the said friend was in vacation and she was afraid. Also, she accepted to go to a party with him after the birthday... But told me she actually wouldn't attend and planned to quit talking to him after the birthday as she felt guilt.

I was extremely upset. That's when we talked a whole day. After that day, when we settled for an agreement, I checked her phone and discovered she sexted someone else on Snapchat. She told me it was a toxic relationship, and that she needed the strenght to get out of it.

After that part, I actually wanted to end the relationship, but she used the argument that her birthday was the day after in order to have me stay.

Also, she planned to live near me ; and after a ""peaceful"" summer (I asked her many times wether it was the whole story, if there were other things I needed to know... But we didn't argue much other than that) I left my parents home, and she left her and traveled here.

We struggled a lot with learning to live without parents, but we actually succeeded. We also were lucky enough to live literally next to each other.

After a few months, she felt like she missed her original environment and parents ; after all, she's still 18 and I could understand... But she wrote a break up letter along the way. Then, she told me she still loved me, but felt ""uneasy"" at the idea of being in a relationship with me, and also was afraid to hurt me.

After living a few weeks in that state, I asked to get back in a relationship and she agreed a few days before she traveled back home. 

I struggled so much with it. I had so many concernes about the past, present and future. But she promised that in June she would come back and we would marry and live together.

Now, the situation goes downhill. There was a moment where I was missing her a lot and being very sad about it ; she tried to stay positive and felt guilty everytime I was sad. Funnily enough, the day I realized I needed to forget the past and hope onto the future, she got really sick (a flu) ; that was wednesday. And since then, I am very ""hopeful"" and optimistic, and she barely ever says a ""darling"", and only answers ""me too"" to ""I love you""s.... I feel so alone.

I don't want to do anything. Most of the time, I just get in bed as I come back home from school.

I can't sleep regularly. And in order to ""not feel alone"", I put my favorite anime on my computer in order to hear noises and have a sense of company.

When I come back home from school, I feel like playing games and so on, but then I feel a very heavy burden on my shoulders, whispering me I should rather go to bed.

When she messages me, I cannot help but answer immediatly. I feel like a puppet.

I only eat once a day. 


I'm scared, really. I'm scared ; she told me her ""lesser carefulness"" was because she was sick ysterday night, and confronted me about being selfish and only wanting to be loved. She said she didn't know what to do with the relationship?

The saddest thing? I told her a lot of things, and kind of agreed to not give up, and still have hope (I bought tickets in order to visit her in a month)... Today, I said I love her, and I was actually ""happy"" to see ""me too""... Happy, and destroyed at how pathetic I became.

Please, help me. I can't do things on my own, because I don't get to feel like my life is worth living alone. I need to share.

Please, please help me.",4.726243947858475,5.557714215642459,5.5872765363128485,81.57279562383614,69.41340782122904,8.424767225325885,28.324487895716945,8.59863814320734,1.9896253258845444,3553,120,700,55,60,1165,331,895,0.12,0.718,0.162,0.9928,3,3,0,0,0,1,164.0,12,0,0,6,41,56,3,8,54,0,55,13,3,4,3,141,123,71,2,19,20,3,12,6,6,7,5,6,6,2,29,63,1,1,25,7,3,14,17,24,0,1,44,19,136,32,122,66,18,131,0,10,1,4,122,35,0,11,76,509,165,6,0.0,0.0,0.16000052046021707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735920692609945,0.0,0.13111810698745935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298137729451016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03373111129510655,0.0,0.07663985605121894,0.0,0.0,0.22063037223195972,0.0,0.14992200288015026,0.0,0.06975859831662037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046881409241759264,0.0417918310095516,0.0,0.0,0.14123632638032727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032727018428098574,0.0,0.0,0.211480230284884,0.0,0.035304453057285475,0.0,0.042540938993391966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194279659044811,0.034241716632730734,0.0,0.07260958943423927,0.08470683744206092,0.0,0.0,0.0370776191092122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580538827831634,0.1464155998331826,0.15742653701333376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583430817372259,0.0,0.08566191090340068,0.03932114938698755,0.06988634064454202,0.0,0.03278328604539085,0.045191397133319634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726880460056538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619848152833158,0.0,0.10989839060624433,0.0,0.1644644384703866,0.12213635496799065,0.0,0.09459344726825407,0.04388042665796935,0.04627249278140902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04268456706126029,0.04505384214116706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907107118248167,0.0,0.05790461324813216,0.1201532693187216,0.08216509224393193,0.2895579416586377,0.07254936292386116,0.0,0.045857099311290964,0.0,0.10454418165614347,0.1479795726052393,0.0,0.0,0.08311444337968571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543533158681397,0.0,0.060264435928732575,0.15196707962838407,0.031613859250567686,0.0,0.04359311531908535,0.03846614880996594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365279723485137,0.02777574803000757,0.12469835416334064,0.0,0.0,0.13654295998803942,0.08877591387325079,0.07825880079457055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498346798917568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120606856818857,0.0,0.043597695833945474,0.0410008905408886,0.0,0.05251822855808825,0.0,0.0,0.2640462190590106,0.0,0.0,0.11697205374256354,0.032596732674562895,0.08207587729120037,0.08296772807539309,0.032663562134096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781436916248051,0.09214850098280994,0.08203880092274217,0.0,0.03473052292963112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737934185816434,0.09820351718046136,0.0,0.0,0.08570287366741378,0.0,0.04483618622916083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473023531201833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089272020334992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478029618292744,0.0,0.03885353580588232,0.19583754341139484,0.0,0.02782938228204745,0.0,0.0,0.04267182542514999,0.0,0.035402024858522334,0.0,0.13528350498969735,0.07253053481958474,0.09760738148733424,0.09863863075458423,0.0,0.0,0.03799795351588309,0.0,0.09152729154042097,0.0,0.039512702662728764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735392958774528,0.0,0.0,0.026396086085562175
suicidewatch,Nitefallx,2018/01/19,"Exhausted, I want to give up I do not actually want to die, but i have been havinh a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. I am 16 years old and i go to high school, I have no friends in my class, and I only get D’s and F’s. I am starting to get tired of everything, and I thought about running away, or killing myself, suicide seems simpler. If i run away, my parents would not like it. I feel like I have no one to talk to, my parents do not really listen, and just tell me to get over it, I am too scared to try to get professional help. I also am very lonely, I have probably spent 70% of my time on Earth by myself, i am extremely «romantically frustrated», i just want to love, and be loved. And I just can not fix my grades, I have been trying, but it does not work, my parents are so disappointed in me because they know I can do better, I know so too, but i am just too tired to try.",3.951199226305612,3.4853651063829787,5.6999226305609305,84.6377272727273,70.80851063829788,9.17678916827853,28.793036750483562,8.841846274778883,1.86696170212766,672,22,159,11,11,233,100,188,0.245,0.635,0.119,-0.9849,3,2,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,1,2,11,11,1,1,1,0,21,5,0,0,0,32,41,15,4,5,14,3,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,6,0,1,3,7,5,0,1,5,2,33,6,23,34,1,16,0,2,0,2,12,8,0,4,7,112,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.11832082352044505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696219957644107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278334862060303,0.0,0.0,0.07391182142654157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723424373947396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258365640449948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610518019359967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897012903639823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061306769592963516,0.08661978997904367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367611443275073,0.0,0.2533888718179638,0.11631239108114333,0.06890818733262467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127016113885414,0.1281054567086445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341432489069706,0.0,0.13326975911252698,0.0,0.1367733323911562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847156274719595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030809452556462,0.2188625992527181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722966565549465,0.0,0.08216096726070404,0.09221477476330557,0.0,0.0,0.4038955729702402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072614482257494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776747479939982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213906725343742,0.12270972473419844,0.0,0.11037987336252003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858201512165487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26525186107600995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745476849586128,0.10597633425028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251516933301965,0.0707008426483524,0.2787141054036825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469588538991684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004252281850054,0.21454611736379692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882701863161341,0.0,0.0,0.08613129388029217,0.0,0.0,0.07807991209970695
suicidewatch,throwdkjlfgnljnraway,2018/01/19,"Selfish Morals Is it really selfish to say that I can't go? I should be be able to be happy. If I stay here I will be sad, in pain. If I were to go to another country to be happy, with no contact ever, you'd be estatic I'd be alive but gone, but if I were to go, with no contact, you'd be angry.  What's the difference? Morals? But when I see others go, I feel they deserve to be happy, but when it comes to me, I feel I deserve to suffer a little more. I can't go onto hapiness",-0.3299999999999983,1.0591363703703711,3.1534814814814816,91.6896666666667,83.44444444444444,5.801481481481483,20.985185185185188,6.742157984588678,0.33427851851851864,360,11,87,4,10,133,55,108,0.201,0.696,0.103,-0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,18,1,0,0,1,14,28,9,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,7,4,5,0,0,3,4,15,3,13,12,1,14,2,2,1,0,6,3,0,3,3,65,20,0,0.1857009379569784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472362501094828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996491496515794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401795573516809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797712996142575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877919478398459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276906126037271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930463046503408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861211252197464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759889087585208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896477599951928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476768393532711,0.0,0.0,0.14797960477022462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197932491566131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExemplaryGreenbottle,2018/01/19,"It's just me I've read a lot of other people's postings and talked to some pretty great people. I don't know if anyone will end up reading this, but I don't know I feel like I just need to get this out of my mind.

I'm 30 and I'm a guy. I happen to be a short guy, which means that a lot of people don't view you as a human being. Only real men are tall after all. Well my entire life has been a shit show full of all kinds of fun moments. I was the loser in highschool because I was smaller than the other guys. So I'd walk home with people just pelting me with rocks and telling me to kill myself. I wasn't strong and I tried to end things and I tried to hang myself pretty early on. I was 15 when I went home and just decided to do it without thinking, but I was unlucky and I survived. So I thought maybe there is something more for me and I was wrong, so very wrong. I don't have a job currently because the one I had I quit sometime ago to move thousands of miles for a woman and it ended up not working out, there's a whole story there that's just fucking... It's... I don't know... So I thought when you love someone there's nothing you wouldn't do for them and gave up everything. I've seen people telling me you shouldn't give this up or that... What is love supposed to be if you're not willing to give them all of you? So when things fell apart, I was sent packing, and losing my job again and everything that we had made together, it was all taken away with the words ""I don't feel the same anymore..."" No matter how hard I fought, she would remind me how little it would make a difference no matter what I said. It was my fault for not showing her the love I felt because I wasn't good at those things, but I did love her. So I had to move back in with my father because I have nothing. As I suffered getting over her I just came to realize that I'm just shit all around. I met her online because when you're a short guy, no one fucking cares and before you decide to say someone does or someone will. Possibly you'd like to remind me there's always hope or someone for everyone. You can forget that nonsense. I've been me a lot longer than you have. I feel like people are basically telling me to keep fucking dancing you clown. As each day goes on, I feel less and less of anything. The idea of suicide never scared me, but I had family and we were never close, but not even that works anymore. There's just this empty feeling, nothing I used to enjoy doing works. I just can't bring myself to do them anymore. I mean I totally suck ass at life and relationships. A lot of people try and give me hope and I don't care if life's going to get better or there's that special someone another ten years down the road, but they're there. I say I'm a fucking clown because I'm a fool. I'd literally give up everything for someone else and I have, weird right? Whatever love is supposed to be. I am honestly no good at it, so people tell me just get used to being alone or find the joy in it. I find no joy thinking about killing myself all day long or feeling absolutely no emotions towards anything. I firmly believe it doesn't matter what you'd do for someone, but it only matters what the person looks like doing it and don't tell me looks don't matter, you're fucking lair. I'm not perfect at all and I'm probably never going to have some kind of amazing job or house. I only wanted to be with someone and have fun with them, but it'll never happen because anytime I have any kind of relationship trouble, it turns into a fucking catastrophic melt down.

I just see no hope and feel no hope and I don't even know what to hope for anymore... So let's say I met someone. I'd honestly ask them what the fuck are you doing, there's better people out there than me. I'm just a fucking mess of nothing... This rant of mine is all over the place. I just find myself asking why am I here or what was I meant for? Because in the 30 years I've been alive I have no fucking clue.",2.2944765420210764,3.65017502747909,3.774801619144424,90.24969828277969,75.90561529271206,6.0961786051819775,24.320494302680146,6.476221307149791,0.6424619162253258,3106,99,675,23,67,1028,294,837,0.16899999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.142,-0.975,4,1,1,0,0,4,87.0,2,12,5,11,45,62,15,1,30,0,75,20,3,6,14,152,160,60,3,14,38,1,9,4,0,8,3,4,2,8,41,40,0,1,26,6,0,12,35,26,1,4,35,18,104,36,87,108,22,73,0,3,5,15,61,37,13,22,27,464,145,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734626282452658,0.0,0.0,0.04363462831975826,0.0,0.0,0.035056060438122705,0.0,0.0,0.028650274153664074,0.04417764058484201,0.0,0.0,0.16712906251280665,0.029458717143884688,0.0,0.06933983995495901,0.037505194264269834,0.07877290650565613,0.0,0.03958311516744762,0.032395855069235036,0.0,0.20545953545156656,0.0,0.0358500643548205,0.04746679446498642,0.0,0.07452223973775808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818621872914868,0.08590997338553141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434154389881855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044017542889272565,0.0,0.0,0.03686879955537346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519473654935667,0.0473912898306198,0.1119457034749957,0.0,0.0,0.05565376954937,0.0,0.0,0.04025762388471453,0.1135928850307487,0.0,0.0397170098656928,0.0,0.1491175922580211,0.060196263150185884,0.04045201322329245,0.0,0.11551990184217815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505418095961898,0.0880460643634273,0.16166216295010088,0.047887617585779516,0.07067434968730721,0.0,0.04644916998361645,0.0,0.16686379588805506,0.07451195662696597,0.0,0.03774077054142055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452091707006114,0.2092261165088252,0.0,0.0486130922057713,0.0,0.0475603548265747,0.0,0.0,0.12542445275781014,0.037447641079451935,0.09322260320624756,0.13161770847158008,0.09261557308601694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430814251655381,0.08927433297747063,0.08233159383865205,0.04222596089581851,0.0,0.0372842831204361,0.07075823921012335,0.04713340007129956,0.0,0.14327182524640175,0.1901226991767371,0.0398650222190944,0.028122523688480627,0.0,0.042325882102343414,0.0917852174835438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253992774093645,0.0,0.0,0.0895563876409555,0.0,0.03123932943585925,0.12997496119322802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170190884662328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057097612532836926,0.09612673124692472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628726763848949,0.03678684238795934,0.044017542889272565,0.0,0.0,0.0474959567936824,0.04034949901274965,0.08572399698000864,0.04542394651529905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044811112582130136,0.08428406533194915,0.0479538822373972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046506260487956,0.0,0.035979329119152484,0.04007587839187141,0.10051190755031578,0.04218011189836128,0.0,0.03357265864919263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649297564110668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212743263009272,0.03243421845955925,0.04166827184950185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04608407280331392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03386300573481301,0.18412014465070006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396915857957574,0.053991215033748735,0.0,0.06689403077735903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581179982183776,0.04582602897700799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277467724959119,0.0,0.034762183279640306,0.02484973803678185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788049742079636,0.039055517506616184,0.03801634194513492,0.04703734551909326,0.0,0.04061242534898287,0.0,0.09201480455714807,0.0,0.0,0.059856783688097624,0.09212646357683146,0.0,0.05426149078212338
suicidewatch,TheJiggleton408,2018/01/19,"I'm probably gonna die alone I'm a fat ugly piece of shit that sucks at socializing. So yeah,it's over for me",-1.3362820512820512,0.4601651153846191,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,90.15384615384615,6.543589743589743,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.167528205128205,87,2,23,2,3,32,24,26,0.505,0.495,0.0,-0.936,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454861036782331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464081776979706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637540807841842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44152339778777794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43846449351790784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riviaera,2018/01/19,I am a 6 foot 6 black dude. Nobody gives a shit if I'm not okay. I don't matter. Feelings are not for someone like me. Nobody wants to know me. It doesn't matter what I feel or think. I'm just a background prop for other people's lives. Just something for normal people to make passing comments about before they return to their normal lives. Things like love or friendship are not mine to have. I am not supposed to feel anything. I am not a person.,0.8238833992094854,3.2223190760869582,2.1652964426877475,94.4350395256917,86.5,3.3454545454545457,18.14624505928854,3.1291,-0.7313826086956525,353,9,71,0,11,113,57,92,0.109,0.784,0.106,-0.0712,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,4,1,8,3,2,1,0,21,19,3,0,4,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,4,10,4,9,19,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,3,3,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824326756950316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886425803214228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33628065604958746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126660586813474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183549039113735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661389711857387,0.0,0.3915141544209555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008464250107152,0.0,0.1479803601254061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43441991626819215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073850361168772,0.19357189435586128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275624660409069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878379330852176,0.17066844288934374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472815463229891,0.14205054163711214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075900386604505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_2463,2018/01/19,"I am seriously considering suicide. Suicide has been in the back of my mind for a while, but lately it has become a lot worse.

I know I probably sound your average edgy teen, but the thing is there's no point in going forward.

The behavior others at school have towards me is really close to bullying, I guess that's what I get for not being retarded...

I know some people that I like to call friends, but past experiences make me think even them are just playing with me.

I'm doing really bad in school, so I'm probably gonna end like my brother. He is over 32 years old and he leaves me no privacy.

Money is scarce, my parents do what they can for me but everyday I see my classmates flaunting shiny phones and breaking old ones on purpose.

Overall I feel like death is a preferable alternative to living like this, especially considering what my future is going to be like. This is a cry for help.",5.5973295454545475,6.103252710227274,6.6068181818181815,76.19272727272728,67.35227272727272,10.03636363636364,31.90909090909091,10.018931242160765,3.095881818181818,711,28,136,16,11,238,114,176,0.182,0.6890000000000001,0.129,-0.9167,1,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,1,2,0,5,9,0,0,7,0,18,0,0,1,0,20,31,8,3,1,6,2,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,1,1,3,3,2,0,1,1,4,22,7,17,27,2,23,0,0,2,0,11,10,0,3,16,92,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814182679427464,0.11742673160684465,0.0,0.15532345769481404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360697069871856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448407609552595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456339295756365,0.0,0.0,0.0928899745691843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757080511503084,0.0,0.0,0.07111072344410688,0.10047170925628683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865645524911832,0.0,0.07347747282760747,0.0,0.15985546408589088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492844914654408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426658738297584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545817704412428,0.0,0.15864562231497387,0.14891517830090495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34354275190328826,0.0,0.1241857995336634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956527214039832,0.0,0.0,0.0938768579880972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200413873224355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29515153476142314,0.0,0.09529984795425957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616169079138875,0.0,0.13425474282003033,0.0975005783157842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294822789650804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032627813571618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019241789656665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846660281535236,0.11207015925046934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30766996632253996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343353940153593,0.09011505657303773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332198576893496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056616541250126
suicidewatch,suicidal_1,2018/01/19,"Severe legal problems. I ruined my life. No way out. So, i've f*cked my life over and i see no way out other than to kill myself or leave the country.  I had several dui's between 2001 and 2008.  I got off relatively easy on all of them for various reasons.  the one in 2008 should have been a felony dui due to the amount i had within a 7 year period.  But i got that one in california and they didn't see the ones i had in Arizona.   None of those dui's involved any type of injury to anyone.  

Fast forward to 2017 and i get another dui in colorado.  Most states only have a look back period of 7 to 10 years (whereby they only include your prior violations within 7 and 10 years).  However, Colorado looks back a lifetime.  So, i'm looking at a felony (class 4 - the lowest class felony) on my record for life (felonies cannot be expunged after a period of time like many other states).  So, i'm f*cked.  I know i brought this on myself and must pay the price, so please no verbal abuse.  this dui involved no injury or accident either.  

I have been sober since that DUI back in July 2017.  so, i've been sober for almost 6 months.  I got on antabuse immediately after the dui and then went into a 2 month rehab program.  after that, i completed a 6 week outpatient program.  I have been attending AA here and there (not a massive fan of AA) and also attend SMART recovery meetings weekly.  my court date is coming up in about 10 days in Colorado.  i have to fly back there from my homestate of Arizona and will be sentenced in 4 to 8 weeks from then.  I am looking at some serious jail time, lost opportunities, massive fines, a ruined career, etc.  I have been a contract/consulting engineer for the last 20 years or so.  I've ruined that because a felony will prevent me from getting jobs.  I feel like my life is over.  I'm very depressed and suicidal.  I have written my will and given it to my mom as well as giving her all my financial/retirement online login and passwords.  I have a net worth of close to $1 million, so i need those assets to go strictly to my mom and not probate.  Friends tell me that i have a lot going for me, am relatively young (48 is relatively young?!?!), a loving mom , and good finances.... but all that doesn't seem to help.  I can't get a gun at a store because i was thrown into a suicide ward at the E.R. when i was in rehab.  but guns are very easy to get in Arizona via private sale.  I have already decided a 45 caliber hollowpoint will do the job.  I bought the bullets and am shopping for a gun online at armslist.com.  ",3.2086834319526645,4.711652153846156,4.690922583826431,84.00656139053255,73.81262327416172,7.357968441814598,27.073422090729785,7.993328176185818,1.6838063510848131,1970,73,393,29,40,659,247,507,0.127,0.8009999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9701,4,0,0,3,2,2,77.0,0,1,3,2,18,18,2,0,31,0,40,7,0,1,4,48,71,35,3,4,9,3,1,2,1,6,6,0,0,0,13,22,0,1,5,1,8,8,11,9,3,4,20,7,47,9,67,43,11,74,0,5,6,1,16,31,0,8,35,259,60,11,0.0,0.10470260665562976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848861271767837,0.0,0.09751719507973046,0.07066851689105093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009383084146538,0.0926624173312153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061789536650028225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718006849154377,0.0,0.107737630205307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612191745105623,0.09265303102424223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569905811233229,0.0,0.07611193890853585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855459837328476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044681932768043005,0.0631307057592846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827353447009997,0.0,0.18467625369776453,0.08477142855320932,0.10044407865579123,0.07411957721871314,0.2120298643906846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923176021447207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538484523128084,0.0,0.09776701119212218,0.0,0.048565194808133184,0.07203238625996729,0.0,0.09356982551600787,0.0,0.0,0.2496700560075521,0.08634508777319047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968302247250427,0.0,0.09646501063427616,0.07512801434750108,0.07975631410834848,0.0,0.0,0.08959211783662173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104894970834121,0.14107030498713835,0.0,0.0,0.06552436352443244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964300711033612,0.134416945911538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700243245598462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455703041474881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085786921959753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083702368375578,0.08044765877038303,0.0,0.1996632366173611,0.0,0.07309960466517527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933223019559796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723824747924986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305714422181038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582706961074998,0.0,0.14028611904814764,0.21265242166002812,0.0,0.0794541857430979,0.08191878548458241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276265023348571
suicidewatch,burninbushytail,2018/01/19,"Hi The last time i posted here was a year ago, and it was pretty long and detailed but i was looking for help or just a bit of advice or just simple human niceness. 
This time, it’s more just, I don’t know who else to tell. I want to die. i’m going to kill myself. not quite yet, but soon. 
i just wanted someone to know. goodbye x",-1.4104166666666629,0.5876654583333334,1.148555555555557,99.65200000000004,95.80555555555556,2.8800000000000003,14.144444444444444,3.1291,-1.4500488888888892,251,5,59,0,10,85,52,72,0.154,0.711,0.136,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,15,11,6,2,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,6,1,6,8,2,10,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,8,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316388224862762,0.21012717127280492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25879307755270176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246016551346354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980216995086084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471882942575572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888708438983032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262256520852622,0.0,0.26054880617925874,0.19322430724744727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977844508410834,0.1990591229881134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270247529092999,0.24116122515715235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25212783331793964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084849276435887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071888443112605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764471140424581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27963200414848405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526499936642255
suicidewatch,anotherworthlessman,2018/01/19,"I came home tonight to an empty apartment---wife is gone with all her things I'm 34. Great job and well educated but I wouldn't exactly call myself overly physically attractive.  Wife and I have had issues over 5 years of marriage, some mine some hers. I'm fairly  certain no one has ever cheated, but we have had dishonesty between each other and many things that held us back like fighting some legal battles and large weight and physical appearance changes. Over time it ate away at us. Tonight I came home to a relatively empty apartment. Almost all her things gone and a note that said she didn't feel the marriage was best for her and she needed to work on her. I texted her and she said we would talk tomorrow. Given the extent of things gone, I have to come to the conclusion this may be permanent.

Some people may handle this well, especially since the marriage was rocky, but I do love my wife and I'd be the happiest man if she came home tonight.  I loathe the prospect of being a divorcee(aka a failure and statistic), and loathe even more the prospect of dating again. I wasn't a big fan of dating before my marriage and found it mostly frustrating and unfulfilling. Part of the lure of marriage in the first place was to be done with dating!

The most fulfilling thing in my life is domestic life rocky as it may be, I enjoy coming home to someone. I enjoy talking about the day even if is just mundane things. I love regular, monogamous but hot sex. I would like a family in the next couple years. Without these things or the prospect of going without these things for months or years, I'd rather just not live.

  I'm on the verge of a Ph.D.............but yet with no one to share it with and with the prospect of divorce and living completely alone for years, nothing matters. I feel I'm getting too old to start again and have a family without rushing or get anything out of life that I want. Again, some are driven by job and friends. I am not. I am driven by having a beautiful wife to come home to and someone to help care for. If this is over, I feel like there isn't much left for me to care for and the frustration of starting again just further makes me want to quit life.

 I took a trip to wal-mart tonight and it took all my energy not to put the car into a guardrail at high speed. I know it isn't ""over yet""....but given how things have been going,this is probably the end of the marriage.

I'm not driven by my job, not satisfied by friends or hobbies.....That stuff is fun but doesn't cut it long term. It never has; Since high school I have craved and needed female affection and love. It is how I'm wired. Part of my motivation for being well educated was so one day I could support my wife and family better even before I knew them.

Assuming my marriage is gone..........I don't feel many women would give me a second look these days nor do I have the drive to just ""put myself out there"" It is much more pragmatic to just call it quits.

Yes I need to wait and see what happens tomorrow.......but I'm hoping for support tonight, and I'm worried about what happens after tomorrow. I'm worried about an unstoppable spiral that leads me suicide so I'm reaching out now....if for nothing else than for comfort through the inevitable spiral.

",3.9009245951901854,5.4129722629108015,4.453664846220178,86.35913480885313,72.06729264475743,7.5324454664494915,27.125323368784127,8.093282712189389,1.6325136916738527,2552,90,512,37,49,810,269,639,0.09,0.7040000000000001,0.206,0.9981,3,1,0,0,4,1,103.0,4,0,1,12,29,32,6,0,35,1,52,10,0,6,7,117,115,43,1,15,26,4,6,3,2,7,4,2,5,2,34,43,2,2,10,0,0,23,19,6,3,5,29,10,55,26,80,72,20,85,0,0,2,4,44,25,0,21,40,351,89,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960152646134885,0.0616456427645594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048980582255579615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055921791271818205,0.04576785423759897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129570689172183,0.0,0.06246345254742276,0.052641348692415504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155487099261893,0.2042279634549075,0.121370932517814,0.0,0.06296515967468465,0.1538158076358226,0.06240647141722343,0.0,0.0,0.04752254985236437,0.06585868063608495,0.0,0.1151580590275468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091048754833275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972202674938341,0.0,0.052717800144692614,0.0,0.0,0.117938866271541,0.05384001009428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683328605836886,0.0,0.12038210641702987,0.042521702106918836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062839861966853,0.0,0.06526153212519929,0.0919713112536236,0.0,0.0621943676338769,0.0570978161698658,0.03382706671529121,0.0,0.0,0.06562193949578664,0.0,0.0,0.1052681697264366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03989556639381961,0.12577407702682375,0.2985212926332315,0.05911762713229673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062124296054824925,0.17719575727764916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03271109868896422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466957003695051,0.0,0.16816532650610394,0.08723663207616035,0.0,0.10511598962072104,0.05267407301219861,0.04998251738311895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115965387392842,0.0,0.039730624865960594,0.12068958520130342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750896899258155,0.0,0.08750933627027035,0.13240185261773074,0.045906143438072464,0.0,0.06330109174236392,0.0,0.0,0.11422370822157962,0.0,0.06245711220813045,0.0,0.12099859081352644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289105453342662,0.0,0.041264258138782116,0.0,0.06218661253262168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417353573676758,0.0,0.0,0.11966977389363467,0.0,0.12661548611700202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323590359093574,0.0,0.0,0.06023827074658075,0.047430405653472285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847251274389493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086363418337042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084258318005243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813712495784344,0.06510614157982075,0.1350870944852323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568119793138066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35588702957003954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470708218674642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225969317957434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319249095724368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021387062507352,0.0,0.0,0.0724803517227387,0.1605491579738404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721279058356561,0.0,0.043331882568232435,0.1208926104825643,0.0,0.12684569731746076,0.0,0.0,0.15331788560749873
suicidewatch,throwaway4325342,2018/01/19,"The Misunderstood Millennial It's as if, in our western culture, living to be ""perfect"" has become the norm. Where you want to take time to improve yourself, but have trailing thoughts of ""falling behind"" and the feeling of regret floods your system; the rest of your day is filled with anxious thoughts or the anticipation of stressors.

If you are not being perfect, you are behind, you are a loser. Got a bad grade on an exam? Look around you, everyone did well; why did you do so poorly? You're a failure. Why is this the 3rd time you've read that paper? Can you not understand simple English? How many more times do you have to read it? It's not that hard! Why are you not paying attention to the lecture? Stop getting distracted you pathetic loser; you have now spaced out for the first 15 minutes of lecture, not even worth listening to the rest of it, you're not gonna understand anything!
This is my best friend talking, ""Anxiety."" Nobody actually is verbally telling me this, and yet, it's what it feels like. 
A high self-monitoring, highly sensitive person, with anxiety that cries for no reason from time to time may know what I am talking about. I don't really know if those diagnoses are even correct. After searching on google for a couple of hours, those were the conclusions I arrived to. Whether true or not, I just spent hours browsing on the internet to diagnose myself with conditions that might be catalyzed simply of the usage of the internet, this bullshit artificial world. 

Anecdotally, our generation is fucked. I had an approach in writing out my post, but as I proceed, I only get angrier. Maybe the more I think about my life, why I am here? What am I doing? Is it important? I negatively get circulated in my own head.  
I am not suicidal, maybe not yet, I don't really know. I just don't really want to do anything anymore. I barely have time for myself, and when I do, I feel like I am falling behind in this competitive society we have created. And so the only thing I have left to do is work. 

Currently I am a student in Psychology, go figure. I have a job and work in a research lab that is geared toward research in stress, go figure again. My grades aren't even great. For the amount of time I spend doing homework/lab-work, the results are pretty shitty. I fear my professors and mentors look down on me, disappointed, whether true or not that only adds more anxiety. 

Anytime I open up to anyone, I am disregarded, not really taken seriously. I am very high in self-monitoring and so I never try to be negative or have unmotivated behavior around me peers. I have this disguise, happy, jolly, joke around (A LOT), and always try to keep everyone mentally engaged in discussions. And so with this behavior, it's easy to see someone disregarding my attempts in opening up or sharing personal information. I used to cry a lot, especially right after social interactions, strangely. I think it has to do with how lonely I get. I'd have a decent interaction with someone and maybe think to myself I am never going to have a nice genuine conversation like that again, and so I cry. Now I always get a feeling of wanting to cry. It's the feeling of your gut sinking and sinuses bulging slightly, but I am able to stop myself quickly.

It doesn't stop there. I don't make many attempts to make any friends. How is it, as a highly social creature, to not even attempt at making new friends. I think we are in a mental epidemic, and it's only getting worse and my escape to the field of Psychology is my way of finding out what the fuck is actually wrong with me. I feel so empty, so lost, I have depressive and manic times that sometimes last months. I read books to escape reality. I don't have goals, passions, vision. I am sure I have maybe some things going for me, but I can't think of any as I am in that circulatory way of thinking right now and I can't seem to get out. 

I don't want to live, but I also don't want to die. I don't know what I want, but I just wanted to post this somewhere. ",4.704086378737539,6.05651076614987,6.006300295311928,76.61787790697677,69.89147286821705,8.939424141749724,31.00489110372831,9.330973305703688,2.860025544481358,3159,133,581,66,56,1063,320,774,0.193,0.677,0.13,-0.9969,2,2,0,0,0,1,117.0,4,14,0,14,36,35,2,3,37,0,77,9,2,9,8,130,133,48,2,11,31,0,7,3,3,3,4,1,0,2,39,35,0,6,28,5,5,8,29,15,1,1,10,11,87,20,98,116,11,86,0,7,3,3,37,40,2,14,36,429,126,20,0.053932284493220066,0.0,0.10526025967962832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043129628424030376,0.0897519622471808,0.0,0.0,0.07335160574445714,0.0,0.12377415005447742,0.06092813026288755,0.05348633418012293,0.03771070730573377,0.0,0.08876334961893269,0.14403350252183342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045031204798810495,0.0,0.05956397097836667,0.0,0.0,0.0565986052181005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059675046983302386,0.2369683282032917,0.03478186179155179,0.0,0.046451797606259816,0.10948026698989688,0.055973196494358335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424870610411307,0.0,0.0,0.10306921810109687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068881412248475,0.16361870114163166,0.07705846963627279,0.0,0.0,0.04929313096108806,0.045874773638612684,0.0,0.0,0.1250038476439371,0.09971905592145527,0.197241748723279,0.0,0.12260384058992332,0.0,0.04313457471717895,0.059460534051465085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741191970978787,0.0483127335256626,0.0,0.05535008335449677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279296786199141,0.0,0.0,0.10622487278882854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053519470471504384,0.04793749249636068,0.0,0.0,0.11855909242553705,0.04396201010809722,0.0,0.0,0.058597584905618276,0.0,0.038093967504701516,0.07904576993541486,0.0,0.09524639058553948,0.0,0.09057907156272672,0.0,0.0588734594641441,0.09170259927878212,0.0,0.0,0.1080006560708306,0.10935774293870214,0.21672891506068973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870211552095102,0.0572136309990601,0.0,0.0,0.043048234938480784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319180524209305,0.052088136436888414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407173055564062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418318110858227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033044405681912,0.054868522335871424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184063800603826,0.0,0.13820160984571192,0.0554513708683283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211575255242783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429770481046841,0.04909792624768087,0.11252626984124332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099543443761995,0.0913932992684541,0.0,0.0533404084087383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526941429251432,0.06177924966881506,0.0,0.0,0.05899316567159674,0.0,0.050830539872490206,0.0,0.040550365983281336,0.08669745471404604,0.04713919380873832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166042672387636,0.2073457812783228,0.0,0.08563241918595905,0.2515867903995171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732329619255287,0.0,0.0,0.11229082036322174,0.0,0.04658017760285056,0.0,0.0444997829526639,0.2226746111198669,0.08561787417901927,0.0,0.0,0.048491600766389635,0.0,0.19466199249959895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779003632441715,0.0,0.05496160546255823,0.0,0.058966486661477566,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DistrictOfCholera,2018/01/19,"Gets More Enticing Everyday It's 1:30 AM on a Friday morning. I have work in seven hours, and I'm sitting here naked in my living room drinking a tall boy listening to bad pop music. All I can think about is whether the fall from my 4th floor will kill me (it probably won't and I can't fit through the windows anyway).

I'm 23 years old.
I have a relatively solid paying job that I'm good at.
I have a college degree.
I live in a major city surrounded by young people.
Yet I've never been more unhappy.

I like to think it's a generational or societal problem but at this point it's probably just me. My friends are abandoning me in drove s. When I do see them, they don't want to do anything adventurous or exciting. I spend most weekends either alone or with my friends at a pub where everyone stares at their phones. People barrage me with complaints, needing advice etc. yet are conveniently busy when I need help.

I try to meet friends at work and just get blank stares. Half of my office are people my age who have never left their state and still date their boyfriends from high school. The other half are in their mid 30s/40s and have no interest in doing anything. I joined a sports league to meet people. I took a foreign language class to meet people. I go to bars alone, social events alone, try to talk to people, use dating apps, use meetup.com- and all I get is the same slack jawed response of everyone staring at their phone the whole night or not wanting to do anything.

Occams razor dictates it's me. So I've just accepted I'm a fuck up and there's not much of a point in going on. I came into college a loser. And in many ways I still am; but I did what you're supposed to do. I got a fresh haircut. I got new clothes. I learned how to hold a conversation and not make an ass of myself drinking. I have a genuine varied interest in sports, politics, history, literature, and the world around me. I brush my teeth and use deodorant. I regularly go out of my comfort zone to meet new people. I love meeting new people.

Yet for some reason I am so goddamn alone. And I don't think any amount of socialization or deodorant or what have you can fix it. I'm off putting. I'm awkward. I'm an asshole. I'm bad. I'm worthless.

My parents and my older cousins tell me it's natural to be this miserable after college. If that's the case, I honestly don't see a point in living. If the rest of my life is convincing myself that I'm happy watching the Big Bang Theory, eating at Applebees on Saturday nights, and having no friends than what's the goddamn point anyway.

If I had known I would have peaked in college, I would have just partied and fucked around the whole time. Glad to know I wasted four years going to class instead of savoring my last few chances at being happy.

If you're not born popular you're behind. If you're not popular or happy by 20. Off yourself. Because it's all downhill from there. Life's a race and I'm so far behind it's time to put down the controller and throw a temper tantrum. If I wasn't such a coward I'd be dead by now",2.3756727035682914,4.414648673667209,3.8003520108834286,87.15817504180485,77.61066235864297,6.7994331547770885,25.72233086755661,7.793537801064563,1.4730596661281639,2415,92,489,38,57,795,297,619,0.145,0.705,0.15,0.2628,2,4,2,0,0,2,70.0,0,1,7,4,27,34,5,2,33,0,42,12,3,7,5,81,83,39,2,13,26,2,0,1,4,4,2,1,2,2,19,24,4,3,8,7,2,11,15,13,0,4,9,9,62,21,70,67,17,93,0,4,6,4,32,46,3,15,34,311,81,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673897628031068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856991289983551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046897147325759884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025181011207433,0.12278323142452467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151623075881124,0.04203915315031125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887520331190867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734777368094191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511480531394354,0.0,0.07056627908690997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769118802183909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179404205212716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312230953899014,0.12751020810713645,0.10809083090510976,0.0,0.1567728563402063,0.0578428215321988,0.11031188668959166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023691747918506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622438853116796,0.07286310646961505,0.0,0.0,0.06791458016874069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843505240342909,0.0,0.07629724820792212,0.0,0.03790021477961269,0.05621398042623693,0.0,0.0,0.07492840938823382,0.0,0.09742109327583164,0.033691797023538195,0.0,0.1826865533291117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224172365989227,0.0,0.046033281549669874,0.0699175720798237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069567780955536,0.10227025591823706,0.10637690360389083,0.19981444034765072,0.0,0.12943404889414722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236497892383903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657515636477677,0.0,0.0,0.3824816184994352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607689834299993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870737364814915,0.06598819641321665,0.0,0.13865355536732835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090536281065263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979415216090261,0.10990902986436353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059801513500267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014774667728876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542977914699915,0.060276627741936026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256595480486924,0.0,0.0,0.08042566113471078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766203365080286,0.09364258545308826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868545038628678,0.0,0.0,0.08135222856626366,0.054739552302101514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539892645208405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041164754243027,0.0,0.0,0.09797855294546473,0.0,0.0,0.08881971298690558
suicidewatch,ConfirmedNotSure,2018/01/19,"I need help I find myself low to the point of suicide, and with no funding to pay for the right medication I feel like I'm at a loss day in and day out. I no longer have an I.D. and without that I cant get a job. Without a job I cant pay for the meds. I need to hold a job or even to get out the door. Not to mention the massive girlfriend, drug, and debt problems. Im finally clean from the drugs.. and that's making me feel even more low. I want to end all the pain im causeing.",0.4407849133537205,1.4995624770642235,2.7737003058103973,96.74772680937821,80.19266055045871,5.945361875637107,22.202854230377174,6.42735559955562,0.1114456676860347,366,11,96,3,9,126,64,109,0.238,0.677,0.084,-0.9351,4,0,2,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,12,0,3,4,0,2,1,23,12,6,1,4,4,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,2,0,2,8,0,1,3,0,4,0,7,5,0,0,0,2,10,1,17,12,2,12,0,3,0,0,3,8,0,1,5,57,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605778680102864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594425410637886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523446129030409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455093957006492,0.0,0.0,0.20067586564828335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362482388660148,0.10852757427095212,0.0,0.16641464106479467,0.13884687709679286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587378566278558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182492304752894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32818692847270764,0.0,0.45225437260468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421763160677677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140394498155046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687424909132112,0.15303762992683145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528499066902535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616474782874027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360807419355126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536142576100042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973394389800402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616953851076954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960296368138325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29287984188577504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnrelentingHoneyDew,2018/01/19,"Logically suicidal. I don't understand why everyone seems to think life is inherently valuable? I'm relatively young but I've already had a life time of experience, and now I'd like to die. There's nothing left here that I still want to experience. Given the choice between a lifetime of happiness, and dying and therefore not having to live, I'd chose death every time. Death to me is like this beautiful promise of peace, this relief from having to live. Life offers me nothing, death offers me a lot.",4.687978723404253,6.9519785957446825,5.9393085106382975,73.40875,71.55319148936171,8.955319148936171,30.89893617021277,9.516144504307137,3.2661957446808523,404,18,68,10,8,135,62,94,0.19,0.5429999999999999,0.267,0.8327,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,0,12,12,4,6,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,6,11,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227658244370574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36166423079971627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468035007064113,0.16649240984217584,0.0,0.34087748869157897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854801858838662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893107040415992,0.0,0.3692095409564263,0.17024831748141336,0.0,0.3077116793842611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481313919325573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343731929764521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862024006453218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914713819714233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058870335562075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164503308762136,0.0,0.0,0.20319980974818427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813884846500907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027704163946319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722319831779574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iHateNumbers123,2018/01/19,Everything is so fucking horrible. I don't want to die I just don't want to be alive anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to break up with my boyfriend. I *really* don't want to. Honestly neither of us are perfect. I really do love him a lot. But he's getting more and more mean lately. He keeps snapping at me and saying intentionally hurtful things. He apologizes and then keeps doing the same things. Every time people get comfortable with me they see it as a green light to treat me like shit. People are just goddamn awful. Everything is awful. I should just kill myself. I was stupid for thinking that my life could get better. Everything is my fault. I'm absolute garbage. I probably deserve all of this.,1.5143567874911168,4.222654074626867,2.92543710021322,85.45385572139305,94.07462686567163,6.432977967306327,24.29140014214641,7.62386473244151,1.92741762615494,562,24,101,13,21,182,89,134,0.232,0.599,0.17,-0.8436,0,0,0,0,0,5,19.0,1,0,1,2,4,13,4,0,3,2,14,4,1,1,2,24,29,7,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,4,18,7,13,25,6,6,0,1,2,2,10,2,2,1,4,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481612762692648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212914599032455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928102305973433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550500769326683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587307308871948,0.14275484693442325,0.4028040741262208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381147429540949,0.23416066129560706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993214278164605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983716688541681,0.16528519529178254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852586424724214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552323187170244,0.0729876290635131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270116409604545,0.1348362580834766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273668697174468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071455737070478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610747954354814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141456608571605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880616715417765,0.0,0.0,0.11904974223942875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335345590574134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057920726977815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850491614651253,0.09572730447303927,0.0,0.0,0.0871143548381679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970570675304365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643539439853702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,help22me,2018/01/19,"New mom and I’m trying to decide if my kid is better off without me or with me. The only thing keeping me here is my son. Is it better for him if I stay alive and raise him and risk ruining him and screwing him up? Or should I just kill myself and he will have his amazing father and grandparents to raise him? 

My husband and in laws are incredible people. I mean my husband has been pushing me over the edge lately, but the things he does aren’t crazy, I think my emotions are causing me to overreact inside. Sometimes he makes me feel like asking him for help with our 5 month old son is such a chore for him. Like it’s an inconvenience to watch him so you have to do everything. 

But I understand it takes guys longer to bond with their babies. I get it. But he makes me feel so unloved but I don’t know how to make myself feel loved. When I talk to him, he reacts perfectly and asks how he can make things better, but I don’t have an answer and it makes me feel like a ducking crazy person. 

It’s not fair for me to have these emotional issues and raise my boy. He deserves so much better. I don’t want him to have the childhood I had. I was raped, molested, verbally and physically abused and neglected because of my dads emotional issues. I CAN’T put my little guy through that. He is the only thing I’ve ever done right. 

But I’m the other hand, how will he feel growing up knowing I killed myself? What if I wrote him a note so he always knows it wasn’t his fault and he’s the best part of me and I only want him to be happy? Does that help him being raised without his mother? 

If I do it, I know his father and grandparents and aunts and uncles will be incredible and he will have an amazing childhood. 

I feel like I’m going to ruin his childhood if I stay here.  Jesus ducking Christ I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me?!? I am so incredibly blessed in life and I manage to feel like this. What is wrong with me?! 

I don’t want to be here. I don’t. I have everything to live for, but it hurts to live. I don’t know anymore.  I only feel loneliness and pain. I don’t understand what is wrong with me. I just want to be happy. 

I just want to be happy. ",0.9995521552528466,2.9557821330472147,2.844989736891211,92.70883187161785,81.74678111587983,5.768912110468371,19.78708714312372,6.8959733430537185,0.20013916775517784,1718,45,385,20,46,572,179,466,0.165,0.649,0.185,0.7873,3,0,0,0,1,1,48.0,1,1,1,6,19,35,6,1,14,0,51,7,1,11,2,92,94,44,2,11,20,10,10,5,0,5,2,0,1,5,23,26,0,2,23,0,0,4,16,17,0,0,6,11,78,18,42,77,3,23,3,4,1,4,55,8,2,7,14,264,101,1,0.0,0.08290804796769123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822418432358133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939565669928216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083296214031667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265565537621069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734336618424141,0.247546162830024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188283350517376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246988134278752,0.07160795573835747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361348502893588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329571827387961,0.0,0.0,0.12577669392432686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184297649499435,0.19995848235335367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469006968955379,0.03655865930450671,0.0,0.03976798074691067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857102434352786,0.0,0.2234666816317996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938045340785828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490888547345773,0.0,0.0,0.14606988127095652,0.0,0.062196331517110036,0.15483228760930634,0.0,0.30764815733431233,0.0,0.07893400566418785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942488453905481,0.17092942830018046,0.07013258477169985,0.12357709542517477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315449564278504,0.0,0.23354178741398585,0.0,0.0,0.0762224755741555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195299983416324,0.0558527814458267,0.0,0.051439127567007005,0.0,0.0,0.06758156994096264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342620797439096,0.0,0.0,0.21287429139100875,0.07445753913631667,0.0,0.0,0.0757752974574272,0.0,0.04851133670590605,0.06109881900904721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034345165432189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975763004431065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920632581897761,0.0,0.0,0.14916648744140196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261193013021656,0.056242654280402885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859511386630894,0.04483667612234761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047507924806933464,0.0,0.0,0.14569133106345536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636313803716413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490536642134418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295175839500743,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eternalexit,2018/01/19,"i am gone, gone, gone i feel like this is where it ends! i just had a complete breakdown on my floor and when i looked in the mirror i couldn't do anything but stare in horror and scream silently. it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me and i'm just... god. 

my life is toxic, my therapy and meds are shit, and i'm a little bit of a horrible person. not asking for words of ""youre wonderful! you're such a good person!!"" because we all know thats bullshit

i have nothing pushing me on. my relationships are strained, i am so so so so so weak. ",-0.07128078817734007,2.1201865517241423,2.0862561576354715,94.86293103448278,88.65517241379311,4.693596059113301,20.354679802955662,6.18269132825596,0.0649403940886697,424,14,95,4,14,142,78,116,0.285,0.619,0.096,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,0,12,7,1,1,6,0,11,3,1,0,2,17,22,12,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,5,4,15,2,8,16,3,14,0,0,2,0,6,7,1,1,4,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892322131053826,0.0,0.20326412915202954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254098205245401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373730771081662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279672144020231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257506113494732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667442888274575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099372101983811,0.1553293073748698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236676517128414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226925407540396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194917430645628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535745419185121,0.10622344956962193,0.2179181535844413,0.0,0.0,0.18258323212111008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415114722164646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862628498778135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796963100100729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23343434925489695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318485062113194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486457872127025,0.0,0.14444829363659958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357894188556171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alcoholiswhyimsingle,2018/01/19,"Oh well Who cares? I mean it, who cares? Family doesnt, friends dont, who cares? I have plenty of liquor and 250 rounds of ammunition. I dont think I'll miss. I'm sorry world. Normally I'd try to help others on this subreddit with a different account and different persona. Sorry Jordan. Sorry Dylan and the rest of your family. Sorry. Goodbye. Sorry for me. Sorry for me

Edit: Note wrote. See you soon. Bye 👋 
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suicidewatch,Rad_Hero,2018/01/19,Im tired I just want everything to end. My body hurts so bad these days. I want the loneliness and pain to end.,-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,103.16666666666666,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.17596666666666616,86,2,22,2,4,28,19,24,0.5,0.422,0.078,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663444157271946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148031958195631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277517731705853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020320080372256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547094814740529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033948942595526,0.0,0.3061300486625863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015668577941074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32573663027949634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343236095324854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Calamity-Cat,2018/01/19,"Struggling I posted something to a private account of mine and somehow my classmates found out. They kept trying to access the account and started messaging me anonymously when I wouldn’t let them. I confronted a large group of them about it and they got very angry. I posted the message publicly to state my answer and they all got very mad and cussed me out and one of them told me to kill myself. It’s almost selfish that that one little thing has affected me so much in just a few minutes. I’m laying in bed sobbing trying to fight the terrifyingly overwhelming urge to fall back into my spiral of self harm. I’m almost 2 years clean. I don’t want to do it but at the same time I really do. There’s something in the back of my mind telling me I should kill myself, that they’re right. It’s terrifying. It’s been so long since I felt this way. ",3.7822262443438888,5.248519141176473,4.641764705882356,85.07486425339367,72.29411764705883,7.113122171945702,26.018099547511312,7.61054688173877,1.3422262443438917,674,22,133,8,13,218,100,170,0.185,0.7979999999999999,0.017,-0.9785,0,0,2,0,1,2,12.0,0,0,6,0,9,10,5,2,8,0,8,0,0,1,1,25,18,10,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,10,9,0,1,3,0,2,1,2,10,0,2,7,1,26,0,20,8,4,21,0,2,0,0,14,9,1,3,7,93,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122059650998618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23974213331710045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968044409381115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709271626982284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493616086448209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449420569124538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940978797215932,0.0,0.0,0.1562444010953379,0.0,0.13795921662491828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740614047648016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459830984037599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127245147073015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986022425066139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986819150991187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313062890158445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626290038002765,0.0,0.0,0.12895519503579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002603757022006,0.0,0.0,0.11034092183686424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297181446057946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625618515354795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356749429665407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090168266865024,0.0,0.0,0.1489611651208504,0.0,0.21168041311766844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572538974634261,0.09194894218067404,0.12373954637326735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038912022287004
suicidewatch,Jellyfishy12,2018/01/19,Someone to talk to If you need someone to talk to in text chats or voice just message me :],5.422631578947367,4.304579684210527,5.483157894736844,89.59210526315792,67.94736842105263,7.6,34.78947368421053,3.1291,1.5960105263157889,70,3,16,0,1,22,14,19,0.0,0.856,0.14400000000000002,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30257015086242434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.691493156810433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.65596380837012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No-named-nobody,2018/01/19,"A rough couple of days in a rough couple of months I'm just so sick of life, and tired of the constant negativity in my head. Sometimes I have better days, but its like walking on a rotting bridge that can collapse beneath my feet at any moment. I'm left drowning all over again.",4.1576785714285736,5.290230839285716,4.830714285714286,85.36428571428574,70.96428571428571,6.314285714285715,28.285714285714285,5.985473137389443,1.0949071428571435,221,8,44,1,4,71,43,56,0.183,0.731,0.086,-0.7023,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,2,5,2,0,1,4,4,3,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,10,4,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,7,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762851072705462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292676320608948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801352474717709,0.0,0.0,0.5736655361288411,0.0,0.33436346347230994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660444930292057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816538625444457,0.0,0.18310162619540093,0.12664655295929905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069146990558202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256384833644892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979464429437231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gr1mes,2018/01/19,"Just scared For whatever reason my anxiety and depression have started hitting me hard in December and its close to debilitating me. Some days I don't even go outside or stress over the most minor of interactions(grocery store, drive thru). I started getting anxiety at my old job when there was no problem before and am now starting a new job tomorrow doing ABA therapy. It pays better and is more in my field but i dont know how im going to teach or help these kids and I'm so worried I feel sick. I can't think straight. I dont understand why just going to work is so hard. I've been coping really unhealthily(smoking,drinking,diet restriction) and its starting to negatively impact others around me. I just want to help people but i can't even help myself and i can't fuck things up.",4.4314705882352925,6.205067392156862,5.7328267973856235,76.67022058823531,71.15686274509805,8.76013071895425,28.43627450980393,9.2995712137729,2.5826823529411764,633,24,116,14,12,212,103,153,0.16399999999999998,0.723,0.113,-0.4532,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,12,6,1,2,2,0,13,2,0,2,0,27,29,15,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,5,0,2,4,8,5,0,0,2,3,16,1,14,26,3,22,0,1,0,1,4,8,1,4,10,78,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138589975953616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244317188036066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894046183197585,0.0,0.0,0.12362194839366206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014500314445012,0.0,0.12039026163627432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32763666565235233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464360307354225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067576589821757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922215986414762,0.07302803876602933,0.0,0.2383165325163409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504265896798926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810699823834458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098381850522738,0.0,0.27741544503031185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768181259499103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499809903886012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667310192459224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690420395460424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374830756908174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954512432925428,0.14371467609314856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994178475277744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957412831894888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011479457404398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984789332849342,0.0,0.09286204158751372,0.08956385667017787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551343478102954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244446339748418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612756349232784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175977408842586,0.14195096084614472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,36533562,2018/01/19,"I thought I was happy I just don't know what to do anymore im 16 I've grown up in an upper middle class loving family, but ever since the car accident last year everything's gone downhill

My parents are honestly the only people I feel actually care at all about me and probably the one thing holding me back is the thought of the toll it would take on them. 

Since the accident my leg is permanently damaged, ill never be able to do the stuff I loved again and it just seems like my whole world turned against me, I realized who I thought were my friends don't care at all about me. 

On top of this I just feel like my mind is broken beyond repair and nothing can really make me happy anymore.. my school marks are good enough to get me into a good university if I could keep them up next year but I just don't see the point of going any further if ill ever be happy again.  Just the end of last year is the first time I've ever really felt like this and right now I just feel like nothing will ever be able to make me happy, I'm just a selfish asshole that is satisfied with nothing. 

Last night I took way over what my dosage of the prescription opioids I was prescribed from the accident were (which I've been off of for a while) not in an attempt to die, but just to try to forget all my issues and leave reality for a couple of hours. Tonight all I can think about is just ending myself, I'm probably not going to go through with it but the thought of it seems just comforting..
I don't know what to do",4.7309629378913485,4.8333593987138315,5.629053985445932,83.85899475376547,69.16077170418006,8.862480961245558,28.587070570316467,8.6894789155246,1.9063337620578773,1187,38,253,18,19,391,153,311,0.113,0.6970000000000001,0.19,0.9829,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,3,22,19,0,0,19,0,28,5,1,2,9,57,59,12,1,4,18,1,4,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,14,8,0,2,14,0,0,7,7,2,0,2,12,5,33,17,39,41,6,51,0,1,1,2,7,19,0,4,28,174,47,2,0.16881498687293764,0.0,0.08236953766668417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057399989993081525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741910503780166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490415228901386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211813004605228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739251520876899,0.09339528603126908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760165196246536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951997142667126,0.08721550426511739,0.0,0.0,0.3054056409339337,0.0,0.0,0.07586001247410246,0.0,0.07957187273736191,0.0,0.12803689452865652,0.12060146035285595,0.08104443056158453,0.0,0.0,0.07179697079747238,0.0,0.0,0.06521302004717534,0.0,0.044099431529738116,0.0,0.1439121710741844,0.14159400161621724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35941338525633537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312437844015247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117457730998173,0.08809949339241012,0.0,0.07502525845638904,0.0,0.0,0.0927763018920537,0.2064101186063985,0.0,0.08937534806929387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494895082351926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523621166299617,0.0,0.11268531460754225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852275064992313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510026249511751,0.0,0.08976832685181971,0.07921071466970826,0.0,0.24297379930493596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719670203565121,0.06419570230576034,0.0,0.0,0.0937245325078122,0.0,0.0,0.05851752805427561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797923642104252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820111082665493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814720334559366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208353820003569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542488965871242,0.06726184399385046,0.15368282380162607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964550162723358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662638566888253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346393042205566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607658803244781,0.054084913568883744,0.0,0.2680404855201873,0.04921868820988636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377983096237548,0.05730714738997671,0.0918111146369788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669987394444461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423795205644747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996066156797052,0.0,0.0,0.16306697509412355
suicidewatch,SPBreadRollQR,2018/01/19,"Ending it today I asked God for sign to end my life. 

The next day I found out that I failed my nationwide exam that is the key for finding a job (in my country).

A good sign that I should give up.",2.0573643410852718,2.5093345813953505,3.720930232558139,93.91457364341088,75.27906976744184,6.663565891472868,21.310077519379846,6.42735559955562,0.062696124031008,149,3,37,1,3,50,32,43,0.078,0.804,0.118,0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,6,3,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,23,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27445897934824537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933571625425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200519633987359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26832808182795825,0.0,0.0,0.3218968528937796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816300312552803,0.0,0.2462421502739212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913342401277615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073652257516796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122271505596397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782808405648973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poss808,2018/01/19,"I dont wanna live no more I dont really know how to say this because ive never been able to tell anybody in my life about it without being called stupid, I have been dealing with thoughts of suicide for the past few years and i feel like im gonna do it if i dont get help its just so hard for me to talk to people about my problems and when i try no one seems to care
",3.028588235294116,2.3810864470588267,4.5058823529411764,93.03647058823532,72.76470588235293,7.270588235294117,25.235294117647058,5.6839178017228535,0.4163411764705876,288,7,74,1,5,97,62,85,0.129,0.731,0.14,-0.0187,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,14,16,6,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,3,10,2,14,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,50,14,0,0.17560004146253005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704415541489973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793072755948706,0.0,0.1790359454003254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810359321759226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174058223796545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878865715434855,0.12544870470737876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174377403973744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573031457872144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177010063023217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967817789793645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650519044998657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240315023951708,0.08578931035788899,0.0,0.15505805375331014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543357737507605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899113265980316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763010913483786,0.12173895864292875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802552437603024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249388305693883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396442010405866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598596826711622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920779443199846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411406617162319,0.15348217612338091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940681820627773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192209014636061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927217366778635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308066942836023
suicidewatch,Umhelloig,2018/01/19,"I’m uncertain For the past few weeks, my depression has been one of the main things I think about. I often feel lonely, detached, and, of course, suicidal. I’ve tried to reach out to friends and family for advice but they seemed to just brush it off. I don’t think they understood how serious I was and if they did, I think they just didn’t know how to respond. After I reached out to them, I tried using a suicide hotline but I felt as if I was just talking to myself. I don’t really see a point to anything at the moment. When I seriously begin to think about suicide as an option though, I get scared, not about the afterlife or the consequences of my death, but about the possibility of failure. I don’t really know what I want/need, I suppose it just helps to put my thoughts somewhere else.",3.709150943396228,5.078815591194972,4.7913364779874215,84.31077830188681,72.33333333333333,8.318867924528304,27.08647798742139,8.841846274778883,1.962915723270441,625,22,128,12,12,205,91,159,0.236,0.715,0.049,-0.9864,0,2,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,5,0,13,7,0,2,9,0,9,0,0,3,0,33,25,15,4,2,11,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,11,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,8,4,24,1,26,17,2,12,0,2,1,0,9,5,0,7,6,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546615242159518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024433463477675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363194042989603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221591072303554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920471483638226,0.0,0.08002705679572064,0.0,0.1519658986904862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228052105639887,0.0,0.08269056488790746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608635627741386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739642563530913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724917390066438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108849141716638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961815700169168,0.1784278502648276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910703138788346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027861363624168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845783931982085,0.0,0.12612225786863399,0.14408484500707888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193714958177347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721300347763273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514885522419154,0.4056571161838019,0.15550139376608965,0.12565025438903255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149125385707613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669615365121346,0.0,0.0,0.0933529006859984,0.0,0.12695621676498609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Helphelphelpfuck,2018/01/19,"Someone help, talk to me. I've tried talking to help lines and they don't care. My story is to complex for anyone to take the time listen and help me. Someone talk to me before I go crazy. Please. ",0.13146341463414754,2.3894631219512235,1.7104390243902436,97.40468292682928,88.51219512195122,3.28,17.956097560975607,3.1291,-0.8705453658536584,152,4,33,0,5,49,29,41,0.106,0.675,0.219,0.6566,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653784864091789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012589126577982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411452830168707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441830605515373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475597943407608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596251133657274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008009019406528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783167245536335,0.5703112535079891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379152154966651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605798096057391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,g70460us,2018/01/19,"Anyone not really depressed but kinda feel like they've had their ""fill"" of life and just kinda want it to end. It's just kind of boring. Like, when I hear stories of people dying in tragic accidents I envy them because they got go in a way that doesn't cause their friends/family any grief. 

I just don't really see a point, or any real reason to keep going. But at the same time I don't see any real reason to kill myself. 

I'm stuck in limbo and life feels more of a burden then a gift.",2.4299271844660204,3.65089494174757,4.3244538834951465,86.99017597087378,75.31067961165049,6.703398058252428,17.729368932038838,7.1686216300943375,0.11896213592233007,381,5,80,4,8,130,70,103,0.258,0.633,0.109,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,4,0,4,9,1,0,5,0,4,2,0,3,0,21,16,7,3,1,7,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,5,9,3,11,13,2,13,0,3,2,0,5,5,0,3,6,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370427919467303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551778085486032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070970451170187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971486800334834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229403157809153,0.0,0.17146057203223572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463258925873063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574408143661644,0.0,0.16706898926609887,0.11802514517011475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778384974865714,0.0,0.1321325083894425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620223853307136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684510444289992,0.18277897498558252,0.17203946265522865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333836146017445,0.1614252746993619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453492724540773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617564400710154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760873925624677,0.21167387753449116,0.3397241667273201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26329992617194103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633453532085506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744438560623324,0.13113499498280634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,b1ttrsw33t,2018/01/19,"A's and B's in college I feel that I'm doing relatively okay with academics, but my life as a whole feels meaningless.",8.968,5.359138600000005,9.736,69.78800000000003,63.0,13.2,41.0,11.20814326018867,4.312200000000002,95,4,20,2,1,33,22,25,0.165,0.773,0.062,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6078222782017451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245424628033448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6710557170597022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,luftkussen,2018/01/19,"My hair is falling out. As if I needed another reason to want to die. 17F here. 

I am almost speechless. I’ve been going through the hardest time in my entire life, and I didn’t think it could get any worse, but it did! Since yesterday, my hair has been falling out in clumps constantly with no signs of stopping and I literally cannot handle it. I love my hair... I cannot imagine how ugly I will be without it. I’ve been through way more than enough and this is honestly the last straw. I absolutely hate myself. I’m so ready to just die now. 

I might consider myself a Christian—I used to be a devout one— but I don’t even know anymore. If there is a God, I am furious for letting me go through so much when I’ve always tried to be a kind, thoughtful person. I don’t deserve this. I try to live my life for others and this is how my life turns out to be? It’s not like I’m just giving up my faith in times of trouble... but when you continuously ask for help for **YEARS** and things only get *worse*, then you really start to doubt. It’s almost like a part of me hopes there’s a God just so that I have someone to be angry at.

Sorry for the religious rant, but it’s just a big source of my anger, despair, and confusion right now. And to be clear, I am not suicidal because my hair is falling out. I’m suicidal due to my mental illnesses (Panic disorder, OCD, depression) and my past traumas. It’s just really not helping the situation. I do not have the energy to deal with another problem and I’ll probably give up soon. There’s no point in me living such a miserable life. 

I’m not going to school tomorrow. I don’t ever want to go back. I don’t care that I’m ranked #1 in my class. I don’t care that I could be the sole valedictorian when I graduate. I’ll throw all those fucking perfect grades down the drain. That means nothing to me now. All I fucking want is to feel normal and be happy. But that’s too much to ask for apparently. I will never have that again. 

TLDR; My hair is falling out, I’m probably not a Christian anymore, and I really just want to give up and die.",0.8409299516908213,2.989253712962963,3.1503864734299536,89.20282608695653,83.62962962962962,6.44170692431562,22.122785829307567,7.665016162671287,1.0037214573268916,1612,55,349,29,46,552,194,432,0.199,0.645,0.155,-0.9626,1,0,0,0,0,2,62.0,0,2,0,2,28,25,5,4,16,0,41,13,5,4,6,72,78,29,5,12,20,0,6,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,20,19,0,1,7,0,0,9,18,14,0,0,6,6,45,11,51,58,7,52,2,3,0,3,12,18,2,8,26,237,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236963278963754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161559282389647,0.0,0.0,0.05852929115362082,0.18049991245473307,0.0,0.0,0.1707129486367017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609241976240168,0.0,0.0,0.06618109213713294,0.0,0.05246634336828192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550442338920946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093009090305647,0.0,0.13743682341074573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873248000064901,0.07413036862962731,0.0,0.26797544357763586,0.0,0.09864155270449863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893140299951591,0.0,0.0568471991625778,0.07785356617803807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351864102633947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913722946772954,0.08993410863048275,0.24769322676674435,0.1956580448269734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162114258518188,0.0,0.08497447611570402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537932897904607,0.0,0.0,0.08548508977196159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962673025731238,0.04730080254587789,0.07015702691715593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801051128874554,0.2431699093865007,0.08409709800818509,0.0,0.1519995007425938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767986271506158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375344349027293,0.0,0.0,0.08673644842220833,0.09130470240463302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653998189419902,0.06381844020719249,0.06638106066243442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843285097611152,0.08258470802250492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058322003660192724,0.06545870393911024,0.0,0.10098242572585037,0.0,0.09320341558864716,0.08216178483208239,0.0,0.07515138588898533,0.0,0.0,0.0813622183082372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559203843432864,0.08235559262791245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654123760167995,0.08849238942979909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350172700729662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710555941217671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119646034798023,0.09674420299670412,0.0,0.0,0.07292526139112593,0.0,0.0,0.09634624371964662,0.06091947721949149,0.0,0.0,0.07195682451168517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188289166112909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717985226562555,0.05514899312130822,0.0,0.0683284945688137,0.10037405695655838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168692438857807,0.09361742851129204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743352445862611,0.0,0.0,0.2030608914728313,0.068316888702284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296662206289265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542158897491306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542506461513648
suicidewatch,squirtinpickle,2018/01/19,"killing myself soon i am so sad, so sad. everything in my life is turning to shit. there is no way out of this dark hole. i will be gone. i will no longer be a burden on anyone.

God, if you exist, I fucking hate you for never being with me.",-0.7928205128205157,1.138609461538465,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,89.0,4.235897435897436,16.358974358974358,5.46131890053228,-0.7601641025641026,180,4,43,1,6,62,42,52,0.405,0.564,0.031,-0.978,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,7,4,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,1,4,12,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,9,0,7,6,0,7,0,2,0,1,2,3,2,1,2,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425483221734548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117556402799173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206872985221414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424746714521036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837741115113504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450133811674917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675371826953574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560699201372873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773085700221255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753391969264605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrankieTheFreak,2018/01/19,"Thinking Death Is My Only Option Basically, I'm a total fuck up & nothing can fix me. I'm finding it hard to have a reason to keep going because my existence is useless.

I'm transgender (MtF) but can't do anything about it. I can't get a gender therapist or psychiatrist that will deal with me due to my other problems below, not to mention problems with my physical health.

I'm a little/middle as well, meaning I want to be/act like a child & I feel this constantly. Yes, I do really believe this is delusional. My emotional, mental & sexual development are stunted from childhood. And because of this, seeing myself as a woman is hard, I just want to be the girl who I feel is on the inside.

Sexually, I'm very damaged. I've not hurt anyone & I'm not going to. I'd rather commit suicide than put anyone through that shit. I know what it's like to be in that position. So, I can control myself (and have for over 18 years since being aware of it) however I voluntarily chemically castrated myself over a year ago in hope that would get rid of all my sexual feelings completely. It has reduced it but not killed it like the magic bullet I was hoping for. And I'm on a high dose. Soon I'll find out if it's possible for me to get an orchiectomy & if I could afford it. That's how much I hate myself.

I see a clinical psychologist who knows the lot about me but is unable to help & feels overwhelmed. My doctor too is at a loss as to how to help & basically said me she had to stop feeling sorry me. Which I'm not looking for, I'm frustrated & at a loss of what to do. And it’s not like I haven’t tried.

I've looked at hobbies to distract myself & to give me purpose (worked & volunteered too). I've posted on forums to find out what others think/have done. Been to government run & private medical professionals. I've thought about just dealing with 1 issue at a time but they're all interlinked. I've done almost everything medically I can do but I get no peace from it all.

I acknowledge I'll never have a girlfriend, kids, my own place, the typical lifestyle most people enjoy but I also can't keep on going thru life without a purpose. I feel like the biggest piece of shit right now & that suicide is really the only option I have.",3.692395510835915,4.9838600635964925,5.580939112487101,78.93784829721362,72.26754385964912,8.522600619195046,28.104747162022704,9.007467420416297,2.3339163570691444,1783,67,344,36,34,616,227,456,0.141,0.723,0.136,-0.693,2,0,0,0,0,3,74.0,0,0,0,4,15,24,6,2,22,1,36,10,2,4,6,69,77,20,4,11,19,0,8,5,1,2,7,1,0,4,28,9,0,4,16,0,0,5,13,15,1,0,7,13,41,9,58,64,9,37,0,6,4,1,15,20,3,10,16,227,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140320903150373,0.0,0.05806699631016874,0.0,0.0,0.04637329463679055,0.0,0.7539647577501823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109366135304827,0.0,0.047719504146409256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706983687896381,0.0,0.0,0.06533305807339643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079972377661405,0.0626648489781413,0.06503891038433307,0.04629901096101224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956696792590855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059353574477122285,0.0,0.11868451248520498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522913387296356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211622593637801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592403443713284,0.04142691749590924,0.0,0.0,0.15900101409323678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053609332263244526,0.12118616184273735,0.05562774777260724,0.09886841536253804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389241495278054,0.057251529880450486,0.0,0.061638947049426865,0.0,0.0,0.07773679112343954,0.061267917956493986,0.0,0.11519111138145564,0.0,0.0,0.06207777097918948,0.0,0.0,0.060524813439580334,0.0,0.10308549110727226,0.06415556198470064,0.0,0.06373780537669352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095891486965815,0.14165099155536265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739128592086163,0.0,0.0,0.049299655604557936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316635673128346,0.0,0.11683440473699468,0.058438658236699526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426281389756549,0.0,0.04472422133955365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564142428581476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820556750247363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020184829729754,0.0,0.060585525486756386,0.0,0.0,0.06537319695649828,0.05553684827352241,0.0,0.0,0.1109741157036158,0.0,0.058294348582050994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429769519047341,0.0596217230069666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952176832832827,0.05516023822189774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241847830377373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190484983069501,0.04796859555149879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491325517175052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484808906973859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685977381255206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732899039637356,0.0,0.07431323785420381,0.0,0.046036304397641135,0.03381349661541736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937031044076002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478464948932262,0.0684061098527868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213852685307386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589873876534447,0.0,0.042216238653449985,0.0,0.0,0.04119328858056613,0.0,0.0,0.07468524404007372
suicidewatch,donthavenousername,2018/01/19,"Worried about my friend. If I am in the wrong sub, please redirect me.

A good friend of a few years is feeling suicidal and, after reading resources here, feel like I could have handled it better.  In general these things are hard for me to handle emotionally because I am not the most stable.

He has not been responding to my attempts at contact on multiple platforms and has not been posting on social media.

His family is abroad and I'm one of his three closest friends in the area. We don't share any mutual friends although I know his other friends. I'm not sure which he has told about his condition so I'm not sure if it would be appropriate to reach out at this point. 

**Should I give him space?** If he wants me to know he'll tell me, right? I haven't heard from him since last night, which is par for the course of our relationship but recently we talk multiple times per day. **Would it be appropriate to drop by his house?** I've done it before but he usually prefers that I call first.  ",1.3059693877550984,3.914713005102044,2.5186204081632653,90.96923673469392,87.31632653061224,6.197224489795919,22.63591836734694,7.554174236665415,1.1496745306122458,783,29,161,15,25,250,124,196,0.08199999999999999,0.813,0.104,0.5076,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,3,4,12,0,0,6,0,21,0,0,0,2,30,33,10,1,9,10,0,3,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,1,0,3,5,4,23,11,23,21,2,25,0,0,0,0,31,14,0,4,10,105,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194936824827843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242449262453319,0.0,0.11505616844731993,0.0,0.0,0.11958476954848385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806742794606972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795645084355758,0.0,0.0,0.08720109630248392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836968082093667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520962465149486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746663247527934,0.0,0.1367353497889741,0.0965960803355671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501197313385222,0.0,0.0,0.5223255261562613,0.0,0.0,0.1297084774231643,0.0,0.1134101155586102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211241466617187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560174640194261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861888213593955,0.11021651169972996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605816404875256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268880913263606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162372012080568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842309531579512,0.12781983901163493,0.0,0.12949652500558634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524943110672155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350636788574588,0.14516798880257514,0.0,0.11547102707496652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184945898845727,0.0,0.0,0.13783246322878456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790090167533226,0.0,0.25487300415901704,0.0,0.0,0.1086789594962978,0.11818198242440466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982940317104635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884369470192447,0.0,0.0,0.12920166360442664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148917841185608,0.0,0.07975203662493012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731520300841954,0.0,0.1921026450209571,0.14783401511978786,0.0,0.08707263621398796
suicidewatch,ifuckup_bad,2018/01/19,"Today I screwed up badly Well, I fucked up very badly. My dad's car was recently towed and it was my fault. I screwed up badly. I didn't think much of parking in front of fire hydrant when the curb was not painted red. Of course, now I know that doesn't matter you never park there. 

Now, who knows where my dad car is. 
What really kills me is that I have to pick him later from work and I don't have his car. Not only that but I have to face him and tell him what happened to his car. That he has to shell a couple hundred bucks even though he doesn't have any money. He doesn't get paid to next week. 

I am bad son. It's been almost a year since I graduated college. And yet I don't have a full time job or pay rent or owned a car. Yet despite that he allowed me to drive his car while he was at work. I took this opportunity and apply for Postmates and started delivering in order to pay the minimum on my credit cards and other bills. Been doing that for over a year and yet today I got his car towed. I don't have any money to pay the towing company. I'm broke and in debt. I haven't paid my credit cards or my student loans since last month. Cause I was really sick for the last two months. So I stupidly decided not to work  during that time. To make matters worse, I can't even called the towing company because my phone got disconnected. So I couldn't work anymore.  

As result, I been applying to jobs this year trying to overcome my depression. Trying to stop feeling useless because I majored in ""useless"" degree. Trying to stop thinking I'm unhireable because some jobs rejected me. And yet I do this. Screwing my chances and my dad's finances. I feel sick, sad and stupid. 

Sorry for the rant I just didn't want to think about killing myself over a stupid mistake I made. ",1.9130717163577733,3.883209487671234,3.3063537469782425,90.4784024979855,78.78082191780824,5.93795326349718,22.51611603545528,6.923569853693429,0.6002425463336016,1393,43,295,15,34,455,179,365,0.262,0.693,0.045,-0.9979,8,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,1,0,5,17,25,9,0,12,0,31,7,1,6,1,45,52,22,2,3,8,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,16,12,0,3,8,0,15,10,15,21,1,1,16,4,47,4,36,35,5,51,0,6,1,4,21,13,4,5,27,184,63,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201767161804257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856320068243147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103715633148226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402607375357017,0.1863145184724196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104030430500302,0.0,0.0,0.10465838111288137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127278050283949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877487232685734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345809886049017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030267421850765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418601963291943,0.053227869741551866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296479599124378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900917661727026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032992550918045,0.0,0.22542929618971866,0.0,0.11198069319517262,0.1660908924129903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964009112849541,0.06800540324053092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263859955801752,0.0,0.07489320543596076,0.0,0.07857580408704934,0.0,0.10835007715152938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748400289455486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053332101822146,0.0,0.10059378328617008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685516641092221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404583619921364,0.0721108831241245,0.0,0.0,0.1703517626604012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904723360090606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584094179216266,0.10009615901440773,0.0,0.11881359165000753,0.0,0.19313983739693813,0.0,0.1131919495035658,0.20750861886802027,0.0,0.0995215349768438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406131390055563,0.060091209250367636,0.0,0.08172164476089007,0.0,0.0916019675399312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29667815768472017,0.0,0.1038239843592321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682130604349848
suicidewatch,thedarknessmonster,2018/01/19,"this might be my last year living I really don't know how to explain. I feel as if I literally have some spirit out there trying to get me to commit suicide. Every love interest that I've had has been ruined and I isolate myself just to be alone but something out there gets to me and messes me up in the head. I have bad dreams. Vivid visions of hell. Voices that tell me that I'm a peice of shit. I don't knwo why. The people that survive it or whatever or the feel good stories don't keep me going. At all. I mess up everything. I don't even have control anymore. I've seen visions of my mother, father and everyone dying. My aunt passed away and I couldn't even think right for the funeral. There's a satan out there. He wants me dead. I don't know why. I can not live. It planned on using all of my fuck ups against me and holding it over my head. I'm saying this here because I don't want to go to my facebook feed. I want to die. There's no reason to live. Everyone else is better than me. I did nothing wrong. There's an evil man in my room and he won't leave. No one will believe me. I finally realized it was all a waste. He plans my demise ahead of time. I don't want to do this anymore. I've talked to plenty psychologists, people, and done all I can. I mess everything up. Every year it's the same, beat the spirit, beat the spirit. Never wants to go away. I can't win. So, if I'm gone, I want someone to know. This is bullshit. ",-0.09044335866811436,2.0465317752443006,2.2648235613463648,94.013833242852,87.92508143322478,4.974629026420558,18.62549764748461,6.42735559955562,-0.04599594643503435,1113,31,250,12,36,378,157,307,0.226,0.672,0.102,-0.9937,0,1,1,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,0,9,12,15,4,0,11,0,28,6,3,4,6,47,55,15,5,9,7,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,13,10,1,3,9,1,0,5,14,10,0,1,7,6,38,5,37,42,6,28,5,1,2,2,12,16,3,6,7,162,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980158572833716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028065084820488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921282618030656,0.0,0.08851972376424053,0.06462694786314413,0.0,0.0,0.1194447965387285,0.0,0.0937633756757352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189070226780126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005770949361925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108492146733493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885635567717341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400463893836629,0.0,0.17864770336653998,0.20260747532001092,0.19056239480918766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721070934721874,0.0,0.0,0.11613638514234605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801096066200793,0.11077895992832318,0.0,0.1807556251816353,0.08892198655982883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176079503427883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423273511527924,0.0,0.0,0.1747924271314104,0.0864179630164439,0.0,0.11225664094639906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808447238478825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095684435304813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246722876310362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817668065109497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172612149086728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183982812303241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699760678451587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791717200312901,0.1090030802760697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053789485209862,0.0,0.0843089327489264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088248742507974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982781652512907,0.08161702656480059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596533453987805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521240744765539,0.0926634859773669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793137989697091,0.0,0.0,0.061819335304252765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197854897562259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156460442742834,0.0,0.0,0.37518925859215935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132761249057603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591289049320852,0.0,0.13654287801422266
suicidewatch,nonrevliving,2018/01/19,"When people ask what the meaning of life is, do they not realize sometimes there isn’t one? I’m sitting in a hospital waiting room, my old roommate is having neurosurgery. It’s crazy, because I had epilepsy while we lived together - I had surgery to repair it. She’s now under the knife for almost the same thing. We were close friends in college, we reconnected after she realized she was having seizures. 

When we lived together, I was still with the love of my life. He was an engineer, finishing school. We’d looked at rings at one point. We were all roommates, and I eventually had to leave my job because of my seizures. 

Then I was sexually assaulted. He turned into another person, and when I finally admitted this - he told me I deserved it. I was too stupid to get help. The love of my life left me, and stopped being someone I knew. 

After committing to several weeks helping with recovery for someone I consider a best friend, I stumbled upon messages from my ex in her phone. She gave it to me to keep friends and family updated, and I wanted to look at my ex’s social media. She had encouraged him to end things, they berated me, they joked about fucking each other. 

Every man I’ve loved has betrayed me.
I was born into a family that hated me. 
My childhood grew into an adult full of self loathing. 
I have had very few friends that haven’t betrayed me. 
But I don’t have to be the victim anymore. 

I can stop being anything at all. I’m sitting in this waiting room and I’ve realized I mean nothing to anyone. Why does everyone mean so much to me, what am I holding onto so desperately? I have nothing, I am nothing. I just need to finish the job. 

I am the product of many suicide attempts, and I need to find a way to make this quick and successful. I can’t leave my body somewhere it’ll be found. I fully acknowledge I’m a selfish waste of tissue, I’ll be sure to leave as quietly as I can. 

I hope no one remembers me, there’s nothing to remember. I’m crazy right? No one loves a crazy girl. ",2.743484848484848,4.820973752525255,4.343939393939394,83.51090909090911,76.62626262626263,7.632323232323233,29.181818181818183,8.515128840125781,2.3839727272727282,1570,72,303,32,36,525,203,396,0.14,0.731,0.129,-0.3757,2,0,0,0,0,1,52.0,6,0,3,3,13,20,5,0,16,0,38,9,1,1,4,53,69,18,1,4,3,2,0,0,4,1,3,2,2,5,15,20,0,6,13,1,0,1,7,6,0,4,17,4,61,14,47,45,8,46,0,0,2,5,44,21,1,2,21,213,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473390931215975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887306131901883,0.0,0.0,0.08391951223709562,0.05916771473916298,0.0,0.06963439464243443,0.0,0.0791075327302389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031661623676882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880263371962525,0.0,0.0,0.09399285930476434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405083541869574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494749819023096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129532873483288,0.08085727543576253,0.0,0.0,0.15954290871173665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269620152698288,0.07734041919872474,0.0,0.0,0.09278058923969527,0.261506347564394,0.07822909030828774,0.04421004141759344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354394491080229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134369371215146,0.0,0.0,0.08404596247088704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679430054799081,0.07521343628853598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687985560896034,0.09193901243990582,0.0,0.17930713823485525,0.0,0.0,0.149440614370106,0.0,0.14211763847629488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30548854046522045,0.0,0.05648397556547339,0.08579059106817702,0.0,0.2765253594791573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062204851148409415,0.12548813471243478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247776326675941,0.0,0.08879361982742316,0.0,0.2293606496256717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058664301311688,0.07388622477802513,0.0,0.0,0.07999249886411285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917141245855135,0.07226433762986834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563915177360686,0.0,0.0,0.08827628424800787,0.09559561431076556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625862185026542,0.14339515343337647,0.0,0.08369055619168447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757700540204645,0.1414908866228245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255967462287568,0.0,0.0797525980838834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243447788210366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085727543576253,0.0,0.0,0.092041394637006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981970511323599,0.049910598765107984,0.0671667852173582,0.0678764210766905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635566968683012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shitatchoosingnames,2018/01/19,"Why is it so hard to do it Why is it so hard to end it? You either go through physical pain or have to find a way that requires a lot of planning and flawless execution.

If only there were a switch you could just press and black out forever. ",2.3073529411764717,3.5533698823529463,3.958970588235297,89.38786764705885,75.66666666666667,7.452941176470588,26.47549019607843,8.07648339933343,1.4181725490196078,188,7,43,3,4,63,38,51,0.129,0.81,0.061,-0.4083,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,7,6,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,6,5,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,1,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942918820086775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545107981054737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626368096519737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331018600256636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148263845833783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244298522347718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185460480347044,0.3057654509297622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280886290354782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185854872045907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossaway34211,2018/01/19,"Thinking about dying again Haha whaddup I have no friends, no family, nobody to talk to at all in my life about anything. Completely alone

I just dropped out of a program in school and I don't even fucking know where my life is going after this. I'm going to community college cuz I'm a huge loser and my grades were shit in high-school and they probably will be again in cc and I'll never be successful or be what I want to be. I mean shit I'm even in bed right now putting off my work and responsibilities. 

I'm so alone and hopeless and I felt really great this last week but that high is long gone today and I just wanna die again

I hate myself :)",0.218,2.597659133333337,2.1942592592592622,92.68916666666668,91.0,5.074074074074074,18.61111111111111,6.691623216298621,0.13477777777777789,513,15,111,7,18,170,85,135,0.194,0.711,0.094,-0.9234,0,2,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,3,12,10,4,0,2,1,10,5,2,1,2,22,24,12,2,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,3,1,14,4,17,16,1,27,0,2,0,1,3,12,3,1,10,72,18,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31242473093419115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124118628226853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581403337421886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31307139246894905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924100016983634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218725584034528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448185745323601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652937208320252,0.13943809558993855,0.0,0.0,0.17143810564489173,0.0,0.0,0.16628845017200172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891146670024447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187162174922818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289114808562628,0.12294498601364708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306861494976195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334780720098613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642959558741536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632788522169188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261814084921733,0.0,0.0,0.15162384246875302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662430668982884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288063248398743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30529206422292643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096456379133884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212298679135459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664451995624594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296734915723436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889622877389244,0.0,0.12098515850173185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980461185194317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MediaOverloadYT,2018/01/19,"Made it to 18...finding it hard to make it further Turned 18 the other day. I’ve got through my whole childhood. But every day becomes harder, I’ve talked to my parents but they don’t understand how my head works and just think I’m being rude and lazy ",5.261474358974361,4.993975019230772,5.466153846153849,86.74551282051284,68.03846153846155,7.702564102564103,30.794871794871803,6.42735559955562,1.5000564102564105,199,7,42,1,3,63,39,52,0.161,0.8390000000000001,0.0,-0.8151,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,0,10,9,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289061205891796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375895444002327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205195639779595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392172926645439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933010305686356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344594690963296,0.0,0.26861140346860385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476560973958972,0.17470740207632068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906211806265227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036937594786534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770658668435906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28468805142572196,0.0,0.27247108790447194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922131927858652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054320580439885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bootypirate101,2018/01/19,"I dont know what to do anymore not really sure how to start this... just wanted somewhere to rant i guess. Everything is really shitty and it has been for a long time, i have nobody to talk about it with except my boyfriend, but i feel that puts too much pressure on him. Any friends ive had suddenly want nothing to do with me anymore and i feel i have so much love to give but nobody wants it. ive struggled with depression for about 10 years and have attempted suicide about 20+ times in the past. im currently in college and nothing seems to be going right. i cant help but feel as if things would be better for the people around me if i wasn't here. my ""friends"" probably wouldn't even notice, nor would many of them care. my parents already have enough on their plates with my 2 siblings and my dying grandmother, i feel they would benefit from me being gone. i dont know what to do.",3.7470080747981314,4.813897988950278,4.4433149171270765,88.00473438164049,71.87292817679558,7.779175520611986,26.630259243518914,8.139509932561175,1.4963086272843182,700,23,148,10,13,224,111,181,0.132,0.746,0.122,0.0373,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,3,2,10,10,0,2,3,0,24,1,0,1,1,35,41,14,2,9,8,1,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,7,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,4,4,24,7,27,30,3,17,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,4,8,105,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406137764270184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665159501025542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527375438299477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343294262169695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269474948789505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991561932737822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974871818617657,0.0,0.1322443238926666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986761852447399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166139149339662,0.0,0.08416128714721824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451902829897966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577143569166749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968924455633042,0.0,0.0,0.12223516777973435,0.07241708094647095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037012881496794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540854237416158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376380474848167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400560268227992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276480580506253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150036822891088,0.0,0.0,0.12918630418770485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873402367871127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445304404874409,0.1450712360844456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148748517850507,0.0,0.12163908983457622,0.0883386415672114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738288841846266,0.0,0.0,0.12809469670900805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326009232621178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881802522559014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600055862114292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019022380443258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320954887204373,0.0,0.13937941366837453,0.0,0.12009409502303893,0.0,0.0,0.10241729077443083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846537742659934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860204115760842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254710818743192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715516307595703,0.0,0.0,0.08205584174670011
suicidewatch,eggyeli,2018/01/19,what's the point anymore? i cant fucking handle it anymore. im so stressed and everyday i get closer to just offing myself. school used to make me happy but now im a junior and everything is harder. i fell in love with my best friend who doesnt feel that way about me and i never get to spend time with them anymore because of their shitty partner. im a fucking straight a student and i have over a dozen colleges that want me but im so fucking selfish and i dont even want to stick around to see my future when i absolutely know i could have a bright one. i've always known that i would die by my own hand and at this point all i can think about is how i should just end it now because it's inevitable and there is nothing in the future worth sticking around for. ,1.5888888888888886,3.454631222222221,2.8985432098765465,93.51744444444448,79.37037037037038,5.060740740740742,23.14567901234568,5.6839178017228535,0.2258834567901236,606,20,132,3,15,196,98,162,0.1,0.7020000000000001,0.198,0.9444,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,14,10,3,1,7,0,12,5,1,3,2,29,26,13,1,5,4,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,5,0,2,0,4,20,5,19,23,3,21,0,0,2,4,6,10,3,0,9,92,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104040918857359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37200973984854935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226191320080543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244296270910238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121876659852208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983198371095037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976881282257358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654259947308887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107457950314559,0.0,0.0,0.08258585319380854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237532100065722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632225360605145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660338592384772,0.3467844695278223,0.13065349220164255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310436296692502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402462803868479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871714336939126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285090264437173,0.0,0.0834632633721593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643635238806927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997651024625887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472840356610152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364010299789757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654426335773036,0.09963841374908107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322962397546038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011875196660415,0.0,0.0,0.07291016316014233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799194484445432,0.0,0.0,0.1475002921834248,0.09924866350739557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882279835391207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lechurr,2018/01/19,"Just need to release some pressure here I just need to take this out of my chest. I feel every 3 months or so that I just want to die, disappear from this planet and that I'm just overall a wieght. I dont have no one to tell this because I'm usually viewed as strong, driven person and I have sometimes talked a lilttle bit about this with my husband but I just dont want him to feel pressured by this because he has enough pressure with his PhD now... but I just feel my whole world crumbles every 3 months and its too tireying to lift myself up everytime. I honestly fell so happy and fullfiled sometimes but feeling like shit is so frecuent sometimes I wonder if deep inside, I'm just suicidal all the time. This has been going for almost 3 years and I'm just tired. I also have chronic pain and this doesn't help at all.",3.410023030861357,4.887268233532937,4.046347305389222,88.93268079226166,73.25149700598803,6.336066328880701,26.618608935974212,6.67199483983844,1.0538350069092584,653,23,132,5,13,207,101,167,0.182,0.701,0.117,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,16,9,1,3,3,0,10,5,2,0,2,35,26,16,2,5,13,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,5,0,1,2,5,16,4,17,24,6,15,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,5,7,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337670735897984,0.0,0.0,0.11450308638138593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456558762854527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631833283151614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860094991369932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33561791945029995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479459175787214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24127505899481685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28958973146778444,0.10228968956597163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137398038615996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242055733056842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597228942578953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995179380334487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285739962916398,0.0,0.0,0.21233619118653185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702424627871582,0.0,0.15235639867762338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502153758576184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469748978585663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248338055405917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661854255722385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765550802643767,0.1150847631768333,0.12514791751888835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349093490416264,0.16456735421719235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576954229694736,0.0,0.1689056334434796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985827755291615,0.0,0.0,0.15527543942157587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220491035535472
suicidewatch,mlcselli,2018/01/19,"I don't know what to do I think about killing myself a lot, it's not that I don't have friends, cause I do, my family is not abusive, I don't have a hard life at all really. However I still want to die, and I am only 14, which is what scares me because if I am like this at this age chances are I'll be dead by like 20. Part of me wants to hold on and the other just wants it all to end. Only like 5 people know, 4 are my closest friends I told when I was drunk which I kinda regret and the other is a girl I think I'm falling in love with, I only told her recently because she said she tells me everything while I barely tell her anything. She's stopped me from killing myself before, that was before I told her that I'm like this and I don't think she knew. Last night I was about to go through with it, but all the good memories I have stopped me. I don't hate my life, I just hate myself so much. One of the things she said to me was ""as long as you're alive, I'm alive"" that scared me because I think about killing myself all the time. I don't want to hurt her, my friends, or my family. I just feel like this is all so pointless. I want to be happy, I want to have that whole family life and I want to spend my life with those I love, but I just feel like I can't with how my mind is. I know this probably doesn't make any sense cause it's just stupid rambling coming from me and maybe no one will even read this, but oh well. I'm sorry for making this so long, have a nice day.",1.2172878185644116,2.2349432948328314,2.79484802431611,97.56277472527478,78.05775075987843,6.15576338555062,19.94867898059388,6.490185161304077,-0.18605503857844274,1140,24,292,9,26,375,140,329,0.133,0.6679999999999999,0.199,0.9718,1,0,0,0,0,6,33.0,0,0,0,0,16,25,6,2,9,0,31,7,0,5,5,57,65,19,5,9,12,0,3,6,3,1,4,2,0,1,24,11,1,3,10,2,1,3,11,10,1,2,10,5,58,15,30,52,9,22,0,2,0,2,22,5,0,4,20,191,82,1,0.0,0.09761890922577417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602815827915792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678001108682423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067289553454094,0.0,0.14021597623930585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927485258288855,0.0,0.07097185817146967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053134860182610745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550801528467686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297325858417772,0.0,0.0,0.05441794714458428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404699524285978,0.0,0.23301043157857426,0.0,0.08331791687406293,0.11771914437897706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096338219773712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682424683473239,0.06910498708178314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770589524151957,0.07380543216203962,0.16268652169400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820040841013442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273457632880982,0.0,0.13583849041409551,0.06715900587609258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327785268418119,0.2415101272448417,0.0,0.0,0.14582546085197387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004519798654918,0.14872073649002265,0.0,0.10999219064897152,0.0,0.08277202546181536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319061073795384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056627369364065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731761729321818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165945760915834,0.1879843691642994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922055295446382,0.0,0.0571189877267434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883056585682607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241249154373978,0.0,0.05278126901438075,0.0,0.08135037851462462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567438863358238,0.0,0.16497391773626285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222907857466407,0.0,0.0,0.06579691662330475,0.13776378539848003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440253248753164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054736384978739734,0.2111692422467137,0.0,0.0,0.0480423856110152,0.0,0.0,0.23618208791211145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34017110409383505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740786804971701,0.0,0.0,0.09198571104905656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suithrowaway928,2018/01/20,"I’m just so tired It’s been coming for a while now. I’ve known that. I think my boyfriend has realized it too. I’m tired. I’m not going to go back into the hospital. I don’t want to get better. I just want to die. I’ve written a letter to my boyfriend and I have a plan. I just need to find a day no one will be home and find a good tree in the woods. I have triple Insurance that it’ll work. Pills x alcohol, gun, noose. I’m not taking any chances. I’m so tired ",-2.2114779874213824,-0.40667000943396303,0.6358113207547191,103.09063522012579,98.15094339622641,4.336100628930819,14.613836477987421,6.079149491110277,-0.9150571069182392,353,8,95,4,15,121,65,106,0.208,0.711,0.08199999999999999,-0.9315,0,0,1,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,7,0,8,5,0,0,0,17,23,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,5,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,0,8,2,8,18,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033318202987889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938443280356826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629944938183168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682709503582228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389354739769804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227030114495372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746153358537705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477913660257849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940384895751174,0.0,0.2162601379106828,0.15958242840904616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084792795514535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107658790781755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289262045517674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305306746799956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191197012723315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6560332654808763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224442477859856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851273270317882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isswhatever2009,2018/01/20,"Never could handle change, empty inside, and don't know how much longer I can go on I'm 16, almost 17, and I've been severely depressed ever since last year and contemplating suicide. There's nothing really holding me back. I just don't want to fail and create an even larger shit storm. Don't really have any guaranteed means at the moment. I just don't like life and where it's taking me. Ever since I can honestly remember, I've had a huge problem with change. I know I can't control it but whenever it happens it leaves me feeling more and more empty inside. I'm 16 now, going to be 17 in 2 months, and life is just very gray and monotonous. Nothing going on right now brings me any joy or real happiness and there's nothing I can think of that will, so no, making some big change I've been subconsciously desiring but somehow knew nothing about will not help me. That isn't my problem. My problem is that I hate change and just cant handle it. It eats me up. Even if I just suck it up and go with the flow, it eats me up and leaves me feeling empty. When I'm reminded of something from a couple of years ago to many years ago, I get really sad and sometimes breakdown crying. Those days are gone and things have changed a lot since then. Things I used to do I can't really do anymore because me and my friends are too old for it. I'm constantly bringing up old stuff to my friend and how much I miss it but I think it's just starting to annoy him. The things we can do, I have no interest in. I don't care to get my driver's license. I don't care in just two years from now I'll be an adult and ""free."" I don't care in a couple of years I'll be able to drink. I don't care for serious relationships or being able to go wherever I want to go. All of my friends are dealing with their own problems and are doing things I could care less about doing. I know that will only just get more pronounced as time goes on. ",2.703178344461428,3.965007032418953,4.138629233368197,88.43017215026951,74.68578553615959,7.169206017215028,24.15742900812485,7.717688229018142,1.041827865819323,1504,45,327,20,31,499,178,401,0.193,0.7170000000000001,0.09,-0.9912,0,0,2,0,0,1,38.0,1,0,1,2,27,27,4,0,9,0,42,6,1,5,4,71,82,30,1,10,15,0,2,1,3,3,2,0,0,1,21,22,3,2,10,1,1,10,16,13,0,1,5,3,40,15,37,68,10,51,0,4,1,0,10,16,2,7,26,214,61,1,0.13727114480577332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168258740338506,0.0,0.06872861137359856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334908569605624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806804489519291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527765185567742,0.0,0.04183960788444877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498927019292701,0.0,0.3630366742506451,0.0,0.0,0.07417067053371412,0.07698063065101815,0.10959983927269698,0.15188791078868574,0.07539295340638072,0.04426426612062686,0.07076026136950543,0.05911571793791684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723673111951327,0.0,0.14046265091517582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066629650921317,0.12416960939817685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940841535020636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908301894171442,0.0,0.10757776125517804,0.0,0.2340430650236833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060694210003413886,0.07306384309615571,0.0,0.06776341808140643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600497740588192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316094685201655,0.05594715217617123,0.0,0.14535032196070022,0.0,0.0,0.09695866916636324,0.033531873759375184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835150922563824,0.0,0.0,0.045814777542881074,0.06958569763746178,0.0,0.07476425955427309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478425907042761,0.0,0.10091008605259894,0.0,0.05293598468592898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26343073132877604,0.0,0.1440429749816408,0.0,0.0,0.05220044564973995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626998934121519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812230763357092,0.17587882078225894,0.0,0.0,0.07368891861478041,0.07775072382725859,0.05861440381366896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775386604762985,0.07045342875188497,0.17032816425630828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283901686641965,0.06788233611349692,0.0,0.04858061141211562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857130948447799,0.07507617620457703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160540864459285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823936980621201,0.0879578068256468,0.0,0.0,0.04002195422077545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704698109888832,0.0,0.0,0.05927909752833997,0.0,0.05663153533101799,0.08096607777916963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099529160912093
suicidewatch,DontKnowWhatToDo__,2018/01/20,"Considering suicide in a lot of pain due to a significant other's lying and cheating. feeling embarrassed, nauseous, ashamed, and worthless. alone and afraid. please provide words of support and encourage me to stick it out and sit with these feelings through the night. ",7.221666666666668,10.315153777777779,5.841944444444442,73.21625000000002,66.77777777777779,8.055555555555555,42.361111111111114,8.841846274778883,4.5084444444444465,220,14,31,4,4,65,38,45,0.384,0.44,0.17600000000000002,-0.9403,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,2,8,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548209272196299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464485785530603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912585934378063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214984197076544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645409489334598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37606200939231454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747389188766066,0.3887681754225477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CoolTurtleGamera,2018/01/20,"I keep having ideas of killing myself and it's scaring me. I'm in a bad situation and I need to get out. I want to go to the mental ward but have no insurance. I'm just really trapped, I need help and no way to get it. ",-0.698599999999999,0.8791703400000017,2.7059999999999995,93.473,85.6,6.4,20.0,7.554174236665415,0.44280000000000097,167,5,43,3,5,61,35,50,0.31,0.6,0.09,-0.9089,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,11,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,7,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341229503943383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929956831893388,0.0,0.15935823290113374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794674142511492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165383655905454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24923310908285715,0.31022193340022586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28257804908368234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158272711727651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963192851982054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807301108122364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151822404566511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538765306101144,0.2225690984600608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,campycynic,2018/01/20,"At least suicide would solve all my problems I can't express how much i hate myself. I have a horrible and boring personality, no friends and no support from anybody. Also I isolated myself from everybody. At this point I don't even care for my future. My death would be taken as a joke for many people and i guess they are right. I'm fucking loser and I don't deserve any love from anybody. ",2.9210439560439525,4.987948576923079,4.4890476190476205,82.72500000000002,76.05128205128206,6.508424908424907,27.809523809523807,7.447530270364453,1.7105216117216115,311,13,58,4,7,104,54,78,0.386,0.512,0.102,-0.9802,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,2,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,10,16,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,13,5,8,12,3,5,0,1,0,2,5,4,1,1,1,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461639833034128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549441582691254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24812364417332874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073821895628682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802077593248426,0.22498412596481604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26809053503322355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402694617991525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196435878200208,0.0,0.0,0.2467307375225085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889897493686827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871647751410007,0.2124941966858436,0.0,0.0,0.2300556272578479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328644414343363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078297060084802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661983849300784,0.2761641644266269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457545780054154,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WaterWeasel29,2018/01/20,"New here Hi I have been watching and commenting on posts on this page for a few days now and I just want to say that it’s so admirable and brave for everyone who has the courage to post on here. It is never easy talking about how we feel, and with complete strangers it can be very scary so I just want to say to everyone on here that I hope you can find a reason to hang on and thank you for asking for help ",4.4972727272727315,3.8993769090909134,4.817181818181818,91.87327272727276,69.68181818181819,8.403636363636364,27.82727272727273,7.554174236665415,1.1554472727272724,320,9,78,3,5,101,57,88,0.06,0.7170000000000001,0.224,0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,2,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,1,17,13,8,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,7,5,16,11,2,12,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,1,4,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440568690904726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22924750789518394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100940413489232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41785368236426734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055463185369432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983964821729372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655465954330213,0.0,0.0,0.21716607885340866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686342576541269,0.2111709006688832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41880729951457657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248058143484748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477541778722399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574039743049102,0.0,0.2013010346288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804069004670501,0.2579276554968075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GobbleGee,2018/01/20,"Feeling more empty than I ever have before Using a throwaway because I don't want this to be linked to my main account. 

I feel like every bit of life has been sapped from my soul. The flesh aches and the mind withers. 

My passions have left me; I can't enjoy video games, I can't will myself out of the house to see The Last Jedi even though I've wanted to see it since it was announced. Even my mother, who is my sunshine, and likely the soul reason I'm alive right now doesn't seem to be enough. I've promised her I'd never hurt myself but that promise just seems pointless. I hurt her every day. I know it would kill her if I were to kill myself, but that sentiment is growing harder to behold.
Everything just seems so grey. When I look out the window all I can see is the grey sky. It's just so dull. Nothing excites me anymore. All I can do is listen to music and lie in my bed. I'm not sure if I'm going to do it. I still can't stand the idea of my mom finding me with my throat cut and covered in blood or her crying at my funeral. Nothing else matters really. I just don't want to hurt those that I love. 
",2.037095269820121,3.3370546371308016,3.514399289362647,92.08307128580948,76.46835443037975,5.664579169442594,21.756384632467245,5.750287758089431,0.09203459915611756,867,22,192,4,19,286,136,237,0.165,0.701,0.134,-0.897,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,0,13,17,3,0,9,0,24,6,3,2,5,39,44,13,3,6,10,2,2,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,11,7,0,0,10,2,1,2,8,7,0,0,3,10,33,10,21,37,6,18,2,4,7,2,10,8,0,6,9,127,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018205374762485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387269623052567,0.0,0.10311873462023867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230163943992027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311503205989275,0.0781537124828458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123375685863524,0.0,0.0,0.125215559106589,0.0,0.16008189653377095,0.10961794696388552,0.20420564423101356,0.0,0.1089124457378928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254863375317945,0.08657393782445763,0.0,0.0,0.11076006246013737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887171080851183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983016891187455,0.3891902229194797,0.13680208658109394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681444804530808,0.0,0.06659960640680221,0.09878120724954166,0.0,0.0,0.13166686793100835,0.0,0.08559590632426829,0.11840884986818245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176411427170796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937337220736816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236138479600557,0.14192934110457633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346464066220088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23255880464966125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763363089416092,0.12459742729112927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349055038037147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897040889643298,0.33096433144909204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024473119951753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967777704949797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421457029385755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906275274744632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466414447823784,0.0,0.0,0.21443254745394635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608570031093984,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PurposeThatDefinesUs,2018/01/20,"Tried to meet friends, ended up leaving feeling worse than before I went to a dinner tonight to try and meet new people, since I really don't have any good friends, but thanks to my social anxiety, I didn't meet anyone. I just sat there and stared into space. Someone came up to me and tried to talk to me, but I just couldn't. It's no wonder nobody wants to be associated with me.",6.375,5.221328423076926,6.840641025641028,80.75019230769233,66.05128205128204,9.338461538461539,29.756410256410252,8.07648339933343,1.8187333333333329,299,8,63,3,4,98,54,78,0.075,0.7759999999999999,0.149,0.6936,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,14,12,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,2,9,4,13,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444907501517172,0.0,0.16254331548485187,0.0,0.0,0.1485679374583851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808011561715853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430155765284009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881903885062265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743408921483387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283163703481851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782145215789814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249810686231762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205210338107417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473038850112266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611736291329127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576208016642367,0.0,0.0,0.21659220054031136,0.18002995621042964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077990509871904,0.0,0.19561906137021054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432771123292746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532366255033114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696708631225415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230420813985884,0.0,0.0,0.21653087269811694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awolsniper033,2018/01/20,"Looking for advice So there was this moment in the shower when i got some hardcore suicidal thougths

It was about bashing my head in the wall and rnding it all, i think i came to the odea becaude of my nose bleed but it just seemed to get louder in my head and before i knew i started hyper ventilating and aventually my mom came to look because she heard what was going on and i just said i felt a bit sick and that i got a little bit short breathed

Things got way out of hand and i dont k ow what to do",1.2836111111111137,3.073529768518519,2.9349629629629668,93.25633333333336,80.01851851851852,5.431111111111113,20.985185185185188,6.2581,0.06427851851851862,397,11,90,3,10,131,71,108,0.07,0.889,0.042,-0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,0,5,7,5,0,1,18,21,9,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,7,14,0,13,9,4,15,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,2,3,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512278717074122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300707184203084,0.0,0.14378734562685466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689591736594816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865303235321909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980402873781342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224483027622638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828373195100081,0.0,0.09603376653530693,0.0,0.4054400571523146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468391826552548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935977502469127,0.0,0.0,0.2837969632789688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979043216458374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073622966473086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383070428953682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196030934056041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848338803099593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226109486796647,0.10827391298430948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412641725732355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rae_Mac,2018/01/20,Really struggling. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be normal. I got divorced a couple years ago and the first guy I had an actual relationship with after dumped me. I feel like I can’t function. Like I can’t function without a relationship. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy on my own? I feel like such a loser and just want to die. ,0.42400684931507016,2.5430566575342475,3.1632705479452063,88.63613869863016,85.16438356164383,5.8417808219178085,18.71404109589041,7.1686216300943375,0.35659041095890404,268,7,58,4,8,94,46,73,0.213,0.593,0.193,-0.5504,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,1,1,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,13,13,2,1,2,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,3,11,5,6,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.1786937797480168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232035755531202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261321289805967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004441137800265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563795876726076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27776526709555377,0.3924520776258831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557574857124336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645375600432234,0.0,0.0,0.1813125930353986,0.0,0.1949292727712542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578428667087959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794137752248068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730812799510185,0.0,0.0,0.3931938619208783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143150768318656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800594378715858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652327636227824,0.0,0.0,0.1765162804859279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200207455540597,0.0,0.11792002625031313
suicidewatch,tiffaney71,2018/01/20,"Suicidal thoughts/No support from DH I went to my husband today and told him I would kill myself if it wasn't for my 7 y/o son (his stepson) due to chronic headaches since having a brain shunt placed in 2007 and a neck injury 2 years ago that had caused a bulging disc. My neck pain has recently gotten much worse leading me to believe the disc may have herniated and I went to my pcp, but got an order for an MRI scheduled Feb 9th, but nothing for the excruciating pain. I've had chronic pain since 2003 leading up to my 3 brain surgeries and now neck pain for the last 2 years and I can't take it anymore. My husband came unglued when I came crying to him for comfort and support and threw his wedding ring down and asked for a divorce! Not what I expected at all! What it boils down to is he was mad because I said I would never kill my self because of my son and didn't mention my husband. We just got married Dec 8th and now I'm not sure if this is the man for me!",4.685032840722499,4.4923942807881785,5.30700738916256,87.14438628899839,69.2463054187192,7.751888341543514,32.1876026272578,6.816661863887847,1.7045011494252869,761,31,168,5,12,246,120,203,0.197,0.743,0.06,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,1,2,13.0,1,0,0,2,4,11,3,0,10,0,14,13,5,3,3,30,29,15,3,5,7,5,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,2,7,13,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,7,0,0,15,2,25,4,21,11,2,26,0,0,0,0,19,6,0,3,12,100,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540028846676114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179197734107715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115820487945448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449642659467117,0.0,0.0,0.13396290420567536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654700251991642,0.0,0.2719865908960116,0.0,0.1221460800606846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060930420637246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901950976745008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630969881973849,0.0,0.0,0.09692177170286223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740734731330788,0.0,0.09170528298634373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409058463318986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060844762504529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242282725831529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740231576510965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131039312530097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404170566030223,0.0,0.0,0.19671549320489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006052546715782,0.26985931075397146,0.1120646205426198,0.0,0.08940021861227886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127060909539064,0.11361686148817685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204484465156477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117226132213856,0.16893048434486796,0.0,0.0,0.15313919917353347
suicidewatch,tomatosoupcake,2018/01/20,"I'm torn. 50% want to end it, 50% want to go on It's like I can't decide. One minute I'm certain I'll feel better, the other I'm literally banging my head on the wall, and the next I stop because I fear that'll somehow affect my grades or something.

I went to a shrink two weeks ago because my mom sensed there was something wrong. He said I seemed pretty level headed and balanced. I don't feel that way. I feel depressed and anxious a lot of the time 

Yesterday I was looking forward to meeting with some friends, I always have fun there and don't think constantly about killing myself. Yesterday was different - somehow I started not knowing where to look, it became hard to breathe, I was so tense that all muscles were sore and I didn't speak a word. They thought it was weird and I basically ruined the mood. I apologised later to the friend (only he is actually my friends, the others are his friends but we get along, I guess). I've been depressed all day today. I don't know what to do. My throat is burning. Everything is wrong.
I like this friend. He doesn't like me, I'm pretty sure, and I wouldn't be able to deal with rejection right now, but it's also super stressing to try to hide it all the time. I don't want to be annoying. I don't want him to notice. 

I also only have one friend in school, but she also has a lot going on so I try to be supportive. It's suffocating. And then there are days when I have lots of fun for no reason and it feels like there's a reason to it all and that my dream is possible.

And then streams of wanting death.

I don't know.
Sorry, this is a mess. I am a mess. I feel like some pills would help, but I don't know. ",1.3645210025325305,3.2781217982708992,2.9973644223211937,92.30160248013277,80.29682997118155,5.819893459086543,22.61889791284604,6.850034144686104,0.5385223823246874,1292,42,286,14,33,426,170,347,0.158,0.6459999999999999,0.196,0.9027,1,0,2,0,0,1,45.0,1,0,1,2,15,32,2,2,15,0,36,6,4,3,6,60,67,24,2,7,6,1,6,5,6,3,2,2,0,0,18,15,0,1,15,1,0,4,13,13,0,3,11,10,40,18,27,50,9,32,0,4,2,0,20,9,0,10,25,181,58,2,0.08617531810065218,0.0,0.08409467952715352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638921997506425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674311225242,0.07170476802054286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735358062465088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506334812754577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621506589708199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931249045241832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115190213745522,0.08884296901625258,0.14844535041232226,0.0,0.0,0.09003486593368637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632575364764238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744881929227806,0.0,0.0,0.09697119102777732,0.21786415055142244,0.12312732893949728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994730219846682,0.0,0.04502304695250167,0.0,0.09795083837517114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493182837913683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719615846069719,0.0,0.17688147590228614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057761499225122685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534022154277554,0.0,0.1894388045954119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050453770263425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447311267921718,0.0,0.0,0.21978952137191016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092749104114557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164842843771223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811117082375513,0.0,0.0,0.11678925155952752,0.13108042524820415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714972307901183,0.0,0.17534255818890315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720515897286526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359325080401839,0.08197246146300037,0.0,0.0,0.08721402259852043,0.0,0.07845077308023454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268394003800665,0.0,0.09646621333647246,0.060995333693569714,0.0,0.0,0.07204642460745839,0.09871353572828943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779072975689837,0.08121921746686604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055217664232061085,0.0,0.0684135766954772,0.10049904197608206,0.0,0.08168412534395142,0.0,0.0,0.11701476858779712,0.0,0.08418076402087546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414217670634004,0.06840195637740992,0.06912464216528577,0.0,0.0,0.07988538323287228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061216473488038874,0.1884383646299831,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thefakesutten,2018/01/20,I'm sick of living. It genuinely feels like my only option to solve all of my problems is death. I'm so fucked in the head. I'm such a waste of space and everyones time. I feel like everything that I do wrong is almost always my fault and I am powerless to fix it because I'm so pathetic and weak. Life is not a gift. It is a curse. ,-0.2857191780821928,1.6570517123287694,2.5166952054794542,93.27175513698631,86.67123287671234,6.389726027397263,18.71404109589041,7.6454224807358475,0.4872753424657539,257,7,61,5,8,90,48,73,0.422,0.507,0.07200000000000001,-0.9874,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,4,0,6,5,1,0,1,10,13,5,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,6,2,6,13,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,3,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674107025652642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222059150643773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279041167611186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551764813793083,0.24000615630700925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700556979370343,0.3815592958699101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468822242499639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740690144869081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862439763718347,0.2609330158464039,0.0,0.23580889873306016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031025735343032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555295446000708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557182472091032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919758364872204,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xbc4367,2018/01/20,"This sucks I've really fallen in a deep hole. Living with parents. Started feeling suicidal for the first time last year. Felt really suicidal in the fall but met a girl in a support group and that helped. But now I feel like I'm just going to snap if I go do something without her, like college in a different state or something, or if we break up. She has a job and just started back at school, which makes it even worse.

I can't hold a job, I couldn't even finish the one class I took last semester, I have no hope for the future in any way.

Probably just gonna go lay down in the snow in the next couple days, as I think that'd be a peaceful death as I would numb out before I died. I may end up being stuck here on this earthly plane having to watch the unfathomable agony my parents will be in once I do it, but such is my fate, I guess.",3.992650663942804,4.007298949438205,4.973718079673136,88.22506128702759,70.74157303370788,8.270480081716038,26.294177732379985,8.00094639256281,1.2745887640449434,655,18,149,8,11,215,118,178,0.187,0.7120000000000001,0.102,-0.9451,5,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,14,0,15,1,0,1,0,27,34,11,4,5,11,2,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,4,4,17,4,22,21,0,38,0,0,1,0,9,15,1,7,16,95,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933548539235813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555955944774684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681485151049552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518972962478062,0.0,0.08853400259709725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247457923609513,0.14342799180431168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215890028280263,0.0,0.0,0.1813437979236103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388254084712373,0.0980725930054036,0.13180997030327835,0.0,0.0,0.11676998065263662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405752701481736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512289862547216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201564029170148,0.0,0.0,0.13634964495571222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724576945372331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238024370523639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413578304485474,0.0,0.1212204257782498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163521706003658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599844078763805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619832250247486,0.09302422812429774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048655598155106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801065668078398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588968868790092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893431159985153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113691275816599,0.0,0.0,0.1943344532227345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003232612492717,0.1557832939568171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796324191522041,0.0,0.0,0.08004885451544591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252271684238852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896617812397233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233266165628538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989966810645732,0.0975195083224556,0.0,0.0,0.08840357894085014
suicidewatch,DaNoobyOne,2018/01/20,"i wouldnt be here if it werent for my dog i was going to write a big story about why but i suppose it doesnt matter.

i was walking back to my house to get prepared when my dog ran and greeted me. she was with me for what felt like 20 minutes, just her and i sitting on the ground with her just happy to see me. 

i was closer than ever and im glad i didnt follow through

if my dog didnt run and see me at that moment i dont think i would be here right now

i love my dog and right now shes the only one that cares about me enough for me to prevent me from following through

when she's gone i dont know what im gonna do

idk where else to say this, i dont want to worry my parents, i dont want to talk to my friends about it, nobody gave enough of a shit to respond to my previous [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7ncv2s/16m_i_feel_like_99_of_my_friends_dont_give_a_shit/)

one of  my friends saw the post and tried to help but i think thats about the extent of my friend group's help

ive been holding off on doing this for so long because i have no doubt all of my friends think i'm just faking for attention

:(

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suicidewatch,alesmoravec,2018/01/20,"Help I know I will kill myself in the future, if this shit called ""my life"" will be same. So why not now? 

Every day is full of hiding my pain. Every. Fucking. Day. 

I am worthless 16 year old shit. Without anybody who would help me. No friends. Can't see theraphist legally without my parents knowing. I have tried to talk about my problem just a little bit and my mother (she is mentally ill thanks to divorce, wich was caused by me being born...) started blaming herself.

I am really considering suicide. Every second Is full of pain. 

Social anxiety, zero self-confidence, ugly, depression, hiding all the feelings",2.4469940476190497,5.383476616071427,3.6523571428571415,82.1759761904762,86.41071428571428,5.12952380952381,27.109523809523807,6.742157984588678,1.738783809523809,479,22,76,6,15,155,87,112,0.36,0.563,0.077,-0.991,1,0,0,0,1,2,27.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,4,0,3,0,13,7,2,1,1,14,20,3,2,3,5,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,1,2,15,2,9,14,5,12,0,2,1,1,12,4,3,1,8,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354348196669077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203989323701218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155686907152188,0.0,0.0,0.15247169974478145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914416069280436,0.0,0.1278368425435842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751593056178458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504732221676115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467153775226348,0.13721502619209794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897013038167694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420848286026912,0.0,0.16313921970235212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483582502096082,0.0,0.14875922228172056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957586080730795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574537326583585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158658889012962,0.0,0.16480660242399486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420211327959093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508381993561056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827422004452567,0.0,0.15483795871199368,0.0,0.3047089400984352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512989478700932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505483462594177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235109123293007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929709331330025,0.0,0.13664831002600933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076973448937646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392901764170972,0.0,0.0,0.2861496899878668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054357130166378,0.0,0.0,0.09557979258909838
suicidewatch,Suicidethrowaway001,2018/01/20,"I'm just done with life I give up. I have fought this battle for too long and I'm ready to give in. Things haven't gotten better, in fact they're much worse. Consider this my suicide note. After I leave my girlfriend's place tomorrow I'm going to hang myself, like Chester and Chris.

I'm sorry dad. You're the one thing I used to focus on when feeling like this. You know the pain suicide has on loved ones all too well and I'm sorry I am going to put you through that again. I've been a good person, so maybe you'll have nice things to say about me after I'm gone. I know I've never heard you say anything good about your dad but maybe I'm different to you.

I'm sorry brother. I'm sorry I'm giving in. I tried my best to be strong and be a good role model for you. I hope it was enough. I'm sorry I couldn't fully save you from our abusive mother. I did the best I could until I was outcast from the family for trying to turn her in. I'm sorry the kids at school don't see it, but you're an incredible person. Please don't ever change. 

I'm sorry babe. I'm sorry about all the arguments and the fact that it's made you feel like you're not enough. I'm sorry I'm not better for you. I want you to be able to be happy again, and while killing myself won't help you get there, at least then I won't be able to emotionally hurt you any more. I know you care too much to leave me or let me go, so I'm going to make my choice. You'll find someone better who is able to make you happy. I miss that smile you had when we first met, and I'm sorry I took that away from you. I hope you find a guy who never lets you forget how amazing you really are and who can give you back your smile.

One last apology to all my friends and the rest of my family. Thank you for sticking by me for so long. I'm sorry I'm choosing to lose the fight. I don't expect you to understand and I hope none of you ever will.

Mom, fuck you. I don't believe in an afterlife but I hope you burn in hell for all the pain you've caused to those around you. I know you're a sociopath, but I hope my death hits you the hardest. This decision is 100% on me, but you were the root of all my mental issues and lack of interpersonal skills. I've worked so hard to overcome the hell you've put my brother and I through. I did everything I could to shield him from you, including getting between you and him when you swung your metal bat at a defenseless minor. You're a piece of shit and I hope you die alone.",1.2179933732018708,2.642354343866174,2.986545983513821,94.48175690964928,78.98141263940518,5.942201390011316,18.758849199935348,6.601985625127523,-0.1757137223209959,1919,38,458,17,46,639,224,538,0.2,0.626,0.174,-0.8683,1,1,0,0,1,4,50.0,2,36,0,10,23,41,8,0,21,0,36,6,1,7,11,69,98,31,5,12,9,6,3,3,2,5,3,3,0,5,18,17,0,0,11,0,0,9,13,13,1,4,15,7,85,28,62,67,17,45,2,3,1,2,71,16,4,7,23,286,103,2,0.15778494186704153,0.06231645164260478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447253810851775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03576639038193126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328118766941238,0.046820683537315805,0.0,0.0,0.04941471561558572,0.040442293604179835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925653248230709,0.11039037462142344,0.13954795882410342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362408801619227,0.0540295330533436,0.055638515652886134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398562466884045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545852862094446,0.05495056047935869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382292576390278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916227410928359,0.0,0.10868934901483997,0.0,0.0,0.09515034218475987,0.0,0.0,0.047268977239437716,0.0,0.09916373379468778,0.0,0.05318720501001307,0.07514772933115772,0.0,0.0,0.0961417189008252,0.044737263649210206,0.0,0.0,0.040634751561335,0.04862321208113315,0.0549574131948097,0.20181559167807211,0.1195637581579359,0.13234252318221235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207729978719778,0.0,0.11197666974435852,0.04711477193061018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035253306856549434,0.0,0.0,0.3134320985976203,0.0,0.0,0.05630401455148552,0.0,0.0,0.05489549516477455,0.0,0.0,0.05818855346394849,0.0,0.11561930348988055,0.04287192896576583,0.0,0.11138098072674384,0.0,0.1075638622106192,0.037149390231930014,0.07708575257097249,0.0,0.0,0.09308980556651487,0.0,0.05884033004138815,0.0,0.0,0.04746902345681052,0.049766642358294685,0.07021511594426895,0.0,0.10567745456204697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053003369995862894,0.0,0.0,0.061598605639855426,0.0,0.0,0.07732672482691512,0.0,0.0811289828673216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691916011549878,0.0,0.11192953520806047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918478167929197,0.05495056047935869,0.057733494747080165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574496471316516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03369369135812413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365127919767618,0.0,0.05322892830181981,0.04191139006091425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053987991798658944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456355640415155,0.0,0.0,0.6476335227145554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506074458012623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842239179855742,0.0,0.0,0.10482530427777112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843495869173716,0.07141707883474645,0.057208235888233074,0.0,0.054753229689478135,0.0,0.045425176430555166,0.0,0.0,0.031021882260020176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728920398273647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038289772296264714,0.0,0.05359877856907281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paovibehdsfn,2018/01/20,"I'm worried about my coworker... We work together 1-3 days a week. We probably spend about four hours a week talking together while there aren't any customers or anything immediate to do. Last week she told me about a childhood friend of hers that had killed himself and how glad she was that he was at peace. She also told me that her boyfriend broke up with her after stealing about $400 from her, that she can't afford-- she's barely making it paycheck to paycheck. She's moved back in with her family, including her brother. She told me (confidentially) a month or two ago about her brother beating her up for no reason, with that being why she moved out in the first place.

Then she mentioned that she was considering killing herself. She didn't seem distressed by the idea of death, which worries me even more. I'm not a great judge of people, but she seems at risk. I saw her briefly yesterday when she came in to look at the schedule, but that's it. I want to help her, but I don't really know how besides just letting her vent. What do I do?",4.848364389233954,5.774338077294692,4.997684610075915,85.56663043478262,69.19323671497585,8.039889579020015,30.24465148378193,8.192908349453996,1.960746307798482,830,32,169,11,14,260,125,207,0.117,0.82,0.063,-0.8467,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,0,3,13,9,2,2,8,0,13,0,0,4,0,24,26,12,3,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,5,0,1,3,6,6,0,3,10,2,37,3,28,14,1,30,0,1,2,0,38,10,0,4,17,119,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108684463504114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092382368474045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289206021754157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240940582320737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503626261130454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562329598605694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809510759110238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022240563188637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877345788444375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619110971203553,0.0,0.0,0.10553611221744301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060097058865698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155948555100557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345225803791786,0.0,0.0,0.15420373713781044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022532916866784,0.0,0.07507128331517328,0.11134648379675392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968181663011667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470882586220185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118094821460854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903208434442238,0.2903664135634531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470060431116158,0.0,0.14271696748059212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727691443322236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750887000806494,0.14044660725740746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24870934863757235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979316815587664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915788311892071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334374548867258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805696779626683,0.0,0.32871463312701804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325942524241056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944575887807328,0.2774459977190954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,legotize,2018/01/20,"Question When is a good time to give up?  I have tried to end my life many times and continue to fail (obviously).  I thought the last time I got it right. Except someone found me.  I’ve tried to fix my brokenness. I am in therapy...try to fight my demons but I am just too tired.  My biggest problem is guilt.  It keeps me from trying one last time.  Why would it matter if I let my family and friends down by ending my life? I would be dead.  Why would it matter if I didn’t follow a safety plan agreement I had with my therapist? I am sure she has a ton of proof to show that there is nothing she could have done.  I wouldn’t be around to see disappointment.  For some reason no one is giving up on me..or at least that is what they say,  but no one is around.... it is all just talk. When it comes down to it..no one will be there.. so why should I care? So when is it ok to jusfor give up and try one last time?",-0.13172557682867134,1.8183957783505167,1.7592488954344638,98.90369415807562,86.06185567010309,5.13853706431026,16.45459008345606,6.42735559955562,-0.5785348060873838,687,14,171,7,21,226,108,194,0.14400000000000002,0.716,0.139,-0.4792,0,0,0,0,1,2,32.0,0,0,1,2,12,11,1,1,4,1,28,3,0,1,4,33,39,12,1,9,7,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,5,0,5,6,2,24,6,25,22,4,28,1,2,1,0,11,12,0,4,14,119,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897978828660261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086884855918767,0.0,0.0,0.0918287261769492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511352541779048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090915017451888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883657701553455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049547181600664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688428105390775,0.0823609272062592,0.0,0.0,0.30678886820920953,0.0,0.08941322799894881,0.08525986124380304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475331530248746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606861136147193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900841133704044,0.15059317983182882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807833449179552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022880982105804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611835036460952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200431954810399,0.0,0.0,0.11941934233390075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960525789371997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103806322982727,0.0,0.08477468979121186,0.0,0.0,0.08494849391929413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903240621396276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004717168278957,0.0,0.0,0.08568315565386309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377386938743848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846305802901346,0.31080425303946657,0.12252404086950924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618809396628057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885768767649651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718234851259586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,probablynotoverit,2018/01/20,"i feel so alone and empty. long story short, i'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and we're in college. i truly do see myself having a future of sorts with him. but life right now is really just too much.

i used to see him all the time last year because we were in the same friendgroup and stuff. i had a talk with him about how i want time away from our friends, because i am a complete introvert and i like spending time away from too much social interaction. with him, i'm always comfortable and i don't get tired emotionally (because of social interaction, i basically like being with him more than i like being by myself) he took it to mean we just need to spend a ton of time apart so he's been doing other things/hanging out with other people. he made two plans with me already and blew them off in favor of doing it with other people instead. i've tried talking but all i get is that we need time to ourselves and that it will be healthy and all that.

i've basically been depressed since september. i haven't had much reason to continue college or even get up in the morning in months. it's been getting progressively worse. around finals, i really thought about killing myself. and i'm really thinking about it now. our friend group fell apart because one of the people in it turned into this terrible person who basically got mad at me for spending time with him, and it was just so toxic that i cancelled on a major trip we had planned and now we all don't speak to eachother. my boyfriend speaks to the guys in our group fine, but the girls have gone on to become friends and just locked me out.

it's not that i wish i had friends. it's more like i wish i had something to do with all this free time i now have. i just feel really alone. i've woken up crying these past couple of days and haven't been able to stop. my school has free psychologists available and i went to one but he wasn't much help at all. i just feel like i don't have a purpose or anything to do with my day. anything i try doing i lose immediate interest in and i quit. it doesn't help that i don't have a roommate, so for these past couple of days i've been alone and crying in my room without anyone to talk to. i'm just so miserable and nothing feels right and i really just want to die.

",3.884382884640395,4.891536484978541,4.7812212251268065,85.93501690727012,71.4892703862661,7.622733775523474,26.138379503186368,7.898369717300924,1.3472469241773952,1806,56,378,23,33,587,195,466,0.146,0.718,0.136,-0.7449,0,3,1,0,0,2,36.0,8,0,1,5,26,22,2,1,14,0,39,2,0,4,6,80,70,30,2,6,16,0,4,5,4,1,2,2,1,3,25,38,0,1,8,0,5,5,10,7,0,3,20,8,54,17,66,46,15,58,0,3,2,0,41,29,0,3,29,262,79,3,0.07621286810989251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680064029027986,0.08410279511228679,0.0,0.06341521155300166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328980941988373,0.0,0.12543339339445975,0.06784561068415543,0.0,0.0,0.14320899672689766,0.0,0.0,0.185834628070094,0.08417112508642946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990774220272757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865617794335427,0.16743251387626235,0.14745298499283602,0.0,0.06564203162724082,0.0,0.07909692463796712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572921865202347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033788060590614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414206422730842,0.054446488205758314,0.0,0.0834874717588245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552749139003798,0.0,0.15927231206915798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060954392805480574,0.0,0.0,0.0754627215988489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216775799149892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431824668776587,0.0,0.0,0.062123659505567023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383140262829626,0.186168788489141,0.0,0.0,0.06744598999815851,0.0,0.08526270491829938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211445855563922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301815593955679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083238421214185,0.0,0.2241009089030683,0.11302175202747992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312830242386144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328762367158546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455076125533418,0.15850921995714284,0.0665461367661967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810617664622367,0.0,0.0,0.24411957426609104,0.0783595216522288,0.0,0.08182409848034812,0.0,0.1301707458916232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713149133805075,0.12146357714057347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304407206255129,0.0,0.0,0.1553788426504806,0.0,0.058672389294847034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371737032620232,0.0,0.0,0.0872455002168849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377104948379133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048834128544081964,0.0,0.060504504219276674,0.31108235397769946,0.08759548052651382,0.0,0.0,0.08467530070518038,0.10348706940513032,0.08289771542756302,0.07444889798050439,0.0,0.0,0.06582344815428129,0.0,0.0,0.08990464843707821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065009228192262,0.0,0.0,0.1752820742132884,0.07346648519539563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766742365145833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907858832573764
suicidewatch,throwaway1628282882,2018/01/20,"20 years old. In uni but no friends, mother left years ago with some random dude, only see my father one evening in the week. Suffer from BDD which can never be fully cured. Yet I am forced to stay alive for my dad. FUCK THIS is all I can say. Wish I got a disease or an accident so this can all be over without me having to feel guilty.  

I am worthless. Literally worthless. My disorder doesn't allow me to be who I want to be yet every single fucking day I have to go through this shit because I don't want to hurt my father. 

Oh boy do people love to tell you things will get better.. have been hearing that bullshit sentence ever since I was little. Kill me.",1.6603076923076934,3.6934843185185215,3.0570370370370377,91.64128205128206,79.8888888888889,5.0427350427350435,21.49572649572649,5.873414542411696,0.14064102564102576,513,15,107,3,13,167,99,135,0.303,0.561,0.136,-0.9889,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,1,5,11,4,0,3,0,19,4,1,1,4,15,31,3,1,3,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,4,16,3,15,23,4,17,0,4,1,3,12,5,3,3,10,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600513889333026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072822986187476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564947442741045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349944361830072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170059192382192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162401990432214,0.15919366586343858,0.14827975708143062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898618699797367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596998001201308,0.3254011367492826,0.0919478781890788,0.0,0.10001957180885497,0.0,0.14075584166402985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835431207588455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884016867091205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470763687280426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121441296104602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638891809357374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588384799368085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573487907529191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846726372124648,0.0,0.11925585453510093,0.13384885952309844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220097936598614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399548701967464,0.0,0.0,0.14024180411824255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065192682849548,0.14558132755764716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875826723145728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538236308904712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692040252695032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760775192451492,0.0,0.14116912576757973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023806222075108,0.1696487567479489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266644843634799
suicidewatch,diego_p16,2018/01/20,"""How was your winter break?"" I got rejected from a school I really wanted to go to.
I had a panic attack/breakdown on Christmas Eve.
My grandma, who I loved very much, passed away on New Years Eve.
Family drama ensued, and now I'll probably never see my grandpa again.
I applied to another school last week, but got rejected before I could even take the entrance exam.
I'm currently applying to another school, and I literally had to beg them to let me in. They said they would think about it and give me their answer on Monday.

I honestly just want to die. I'm sorry if this was a stupid post, but I just wanted to vent a little and I have no one to talk to irl.",2.2551990049751254,4.147523649253731,4.351567164179105,83.75307213930348,77.43283582089552,7.750248756218907,22.360696517412933,8.59863814320734,1.518857711442786,515,15,103,11,12,177,90,134,0.165,0.777,0.058,-0.9398,1,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,4,0,7,6,1,1,5,0,8,1,0,1,1,18,22,8,1,6,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,7,2,19,2,17,12,1,22,0,2,1,1,11,6,0,1,12,69,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195508746199684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733452662078781,0.14315860811589853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965743833426605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165672694414187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813818818957934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064033807580347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436428595082862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461692070914535,0.08659657849774882,0.0,0.24373178311480725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242036021360185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581080054607954,0.0,0.0,0.15271687846268944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752177346447292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120110290879699,0.0,0.11751876056007406,0.14716192817630813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325128154218606,0.0,0.0,0.17877583442060732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593035672921068,0.0,0.16428290018995345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761347195923868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449407643974543,0.0,0.0,0.4626261140387518,0.12142083973524995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056809628471598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456485976581306,0.12247092597712575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763389215351696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257229440464971,0.2696190454698704,0.0,0.1222237114187336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824077138488412,0.0,0.0,0.09812263968868593
suicidewatch,Throwaway_like_me,2018/01/20,"Today might be the big day Girlfriend left me, no friends, I hate myself and everyone else. This wolrd doesnt need me anymore. I know the spot and I know the way",0.6786363636363646,3.063199212121216,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,87.18181818181819,4.512121212121213,20.37121212121212,5.985473137389443,-0.012569696969696677,126,4,27,1,4,40,26,33,0.16899999999999998,0.743,0.08900000000000001,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109144122403591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218589068242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261894625953736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995690942106575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422145046565411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095229683270381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445901752501777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406259551884841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33258107378053026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246125130604056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971677014912015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488470320100148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThereIsNoGod102,2018/01/20,"Ruining my life is the only thing my mother has helped me do. I'm 15 years old and my life is ruined.

I don't want anyone to recognize who I am so I'm not going to say how but it's not because some girl I like rejected me or I failed a test like most 15 year olds are sad about, I have genuine reason to feel sad and hurt and it's ruining me, well ruining what's left.

I just want to kill myself, I've already made 2 very bad attempts this year and I just can't seem to do it, I don't have rope, a gun, anything I can overdose on, not even something to stab myself with because my family will see my tears on the way to the kitchen to get a knife.

The worst part? It's mostly my mothers neglect that caused this, I wish I was a mistake, because then she would have an excuse, but no, I was planned, she just did a *very* shit job, so bad that even if I recover from this mess it will haunt me the rest of my life.

The tears have calmed down now so I'm going to go and try to take my mind off of, well, my life.

Bye.",1.4528470588235294,2.2687980755555586,3.3122091503267974,94.88917647058823,77.13333333333334,6.538562091503267,22.12418300653595,6.794906146795322,0.2588300653594766,777,20,195,7,17,262,124,225,0.319,0.595,0.085,-0.9968,1,1,1,1,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,13,22,2,0,12,0,21,6,1,4,0,32,36,14,1,6,10,2,1,2,0,3,4,1,1,1,13,6,1,1,3,0,0,3,7,17,2,0,4,3,30,5,19,29,6,16,0,10,1,0,10,5,1,6,10,127,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560644847259385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922601903902367,0.0,0.10858087955131934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033994189275294,0.24130042432346024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554559235963726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429908266134822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243875921019322,0.0,0.06671620872530883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893669725674996,0.0,0.2249650261866216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844108195029722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125165577633014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093672561625186,0.0,0.14597945793894332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336045982829934,0.0,0.37279138428346337,0.12892497126716376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485114412418225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322853854756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769117011475183,0.0,0.0,0.10035140004134484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428854022477485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135663168347249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049293002337796,0.0,0.0,0.10514442512049203,0.1201193068762224,0.0,0.0,0.13544137650480034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157900480261248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992074865019167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765951483473236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895831382226943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773966816648632,0.15565114741576094,0.10473313730928906,0.0,0.0,0.2372718327854977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173217651703194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373113961884606,0.0,0.0,0.2549080181919601
suicidewatch,cool12y,2018/01/20,I have the TINIEST and MOST BLUNT knife anyone could ever ask for. So even my suicide is going to be mediocre.,0.8625757575757582,3.416704954545456,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,90.36363636363636,2.9333333333333336,20.96969696969697,3.1291,-0.25841212121212154,87,3,16,0,3,28,22,22,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.6969,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32000807260589875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278524054750391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654060505836559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022815868009351,0.4139816889677314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600999923123745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.500608198367517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_OptedOut,2018/01/20,"Here's my suicide note. I am not sure how I should make people feel less guilty, is there anything i can do? I have weighed the pros and cons, so please dont try to talk me out of it.

To Nolan:
Thank you for being there when I needed it. I can't put it in words how much you meant to me. I'm sorry i don't know you much, and please don't take it personally. I know you care, and don't want to feel like you didn't do something that you should've. You can be angry with me, if it helps you. I'm sorry I don't know you that well, but seeing you truly made me happy.
To the bolls:

 Thank you so much for the amazing support you guys have given me.  I can't say how much I appreciated it in my life. You guys probably know where I am now, and please try not to dwell on this. Move on with life. Be happy. If this is what it takes, forget about me. I'm sorry I have taken myself away from people, but my decisioin will be permanent. Final. I guess I'll wait until this is final. Rachel, please don't blame yourself. You have been really supportive and I migh have done this earlier If you hadn't helped me.  I can't explain how you all meant to me. I'm in a better place now. And, if it helps, by any means be angry with me. Hey, remember that time at youth group when I missed the chair and fell flat?
To Mom and dad:
I am deeply sorry that I feel like I have to do this. Please, try to move on as best you can. I know you aren't perfect, but can you please try to minimize the fighting after I'm gone? thank you.  I didn't mean to take myself away from you, I feel like I am a burden more than a benefit, so I'm leaving. Permanently. If it helps you guys, take the blame out on me. I won't be here to hear you guys. If possible, please don't fight eachother. Thank you.

To my teachers:
I would like to thank you for the impact you had on me. You are the ones who teach doctors, future presidents, and buisness leaders. Indirectly, because of you, thousands of lives may be saved. I thank you for this, however I may not be oe of them. Even you, Mrs. Cip. I feel you may potentially teach a future president. You may hate your job, but if you wanna quit I say, if you think your job is shit, quit the job. Be happy, and move on. (: Ps, Mrs. Cip you may hate my guys, though  I thank you for giving me a nice dose of reality.

To Mrs. Weaver:
Thank you again, for teaching the future generation of society. You may think you are ""simply doing your job, "" however, you don't realise how boring life would be without mathematics. To me, I viewed it as a second language. Thank you.

To Mrs Keeler/Mrs. Hellberg.
I thank you. You have helped provide me with a beautiful hobby, reading. Reading has put me in a different world, worlds that I know better than the physical world we live in. Imagery has helped me truly know what i am reading about. Like Melinda, I have failed to speak and now it's too late. I'm sorry.

To the Zieglers:
1.A) To Mrs. Ziegler
Thank you for being a brightspot in my life. Please don't take this personally, as I hope you know it isn't your fault. I'm not sure if this is helping, however if it helps, as I've told everyone else, please don't take it out on yourself. If it helps rant ""to me. "" Take your anger out on me. Thank you.

To Mr Ziegler:
I know I haven't talked to you much, but I feel like I have to address the few conversations I have had with you. I had a good time every one of those conversations, and thank you for that. Sorry that I can't give an explanation.

To Nathan:
Thank you, for being their as I need it. The things you have showed me in MMA have actually helped a bit. I learned to stand up for myself. I believe you said ""Just start hitting, at this point. "" Or, something along those lines. Thank you for being realistic with me, telling me when I'm being insensible.",1.301717557251905,3.2122228053435116,2.8193374045801534,93.5153572519084,80.48854961832063,5.97317048346056,20.021984732824432,7.03164865440522,0.19324836641221355,2919,75,669,35,75,954,276,786,0.078,0.679,0.243,0.9994,9,0,2,0,3,1,141.0,1,58,2,7,27,52,6,1,26,0,84,8,1,7,4,102,162,47,1,19,23,2,6,6,0,11,6,5,1,13,38,24,1,1,24,4,0,7,26,12,1,4,16,13,138,40,92,120,11,57,0,2,2,0,105,30,1,21,25,450,176,13,0.0,0.0,0.0379876809901923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02647207414858843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03203406318023277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314744383420009,0.0,0.0,0.0237298778880656,0.0,0.0,0.043858027184435454,0.04085207021261315,0.068856522819853,0.04249881090711951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968923950548301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040671012533905294,0.0,0.03984400485259141,0.0,0.03983640693123448,0.04562280775835993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251897941979913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02571128475520992,0.0,0.0327981463309129,0.03719694962799703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809765702489215,0.11123942012093224,0.0,0.08528647348858888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468572101061287,0.0,0.03265058852999485,0.0,0.0,0.04288309358641299,0.19272201174114245,0.0,0.12431732721966945,0.0,0.07686580814957349,0.0,0.0,0.04387418674593406,0.0,0.26092321397939355,0.0,0.0,0.038663848313189614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451837775992108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925421092314531,0.0,0.0439119807000244,0.04121866295501825,0.0,0.0,0.1099827410362674,0.1141082304402415,0.0,0.06874749334731083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03683419636611153,0.025984447071396858,0.0,0.0,0.08480704477510025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559148514946845,0.0,0.124121499923304,0.143081170019306,0.05772858163540375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052756641160563805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053974934205793405,0.06798008383189963,0.040671012533905294,0.3845769180880338,0.036799124566470186,0.043884972383055366,0.0,0.0,0.04197049123597054,0.0,0.0,0.07826589479213818,0.0,0.08280849869656028,0.11681427628118275,0.0,0.024937990287734302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409733444981272,0.0,0.03702902173533847,0.061913512711192,0.0,0.0,0.031020223553882318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399585786199293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993667155908607,0.0,0.26145728308824834,0.027553125730070585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258042997338145,0.08834906243036855,0.07337752496953466,0.0,0.20488075180278012,0.06257699272950251,0.034024401269604036,0.5375889763218806,0.0,0.0,0.02586173963747605,0.04988641435261769,0.03824612783723411,0.0,0.04539794393502191,0.0,0.0,0.03719694962799703,0.0,0.1057170257440393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02296048213551069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035000549423380975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03752477653184318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530604026993903,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProfessionalProduct,2018/01/20,"What am I even doing A few days ago I told my best friend I had feelings for her. Because apparently I'm a fucking moron. Now she thinks I was only her friend because I wanted to be with her, and says I betrayed her trust.. I understand why she would think that, but it is just simply not true. I don't know how to make her believe me, and even that wouldn't solve anything. I fucked up the single good thing in my life. I fucked up big time.  

Now she's not answering my texts. A few months ago I was the only one she would talk to. Well, the only one she liked talking to. She used to tell me everything. I always knew how she felt, whatever was on her mind, she knew I was there for her and could talk to me about anything. And now she doesn't want to talk to me.... because I was an idiot. I already miss her and it's been two fucking days.  
It hurts to think about the fact that it will never be the same ever again. If it wasn't for her I would have already killed myself months ago. She's the only thing I have, I actually enjoyed life. I had something to live for, plus I knew she needed my help and I fucking failed.  
Everything I look at reminds me of her, we did practically everything together. I need her.. Which I understand is not normal, but it is what it is. Nothing's gonna be the same as before. It's all my fault.  

I also have severe social anxiety, I am a high school dropout because of it, I don't have a job. Welcome to my life.  
My father thinks my life is finally getting back on track, I don't want to tell him I can't even finish high school. I don't want to disappoint him again. Thank god I can kill myself now. What a pussy I am, I know, I know. I'm a fucking terrible son. I'm a terrible friend. I'm a terrible everything. Currently I'm selling my belongings so I have money to buy something to eat until I kill myself.  
I feel like I'm finally ready to end it though, I already ordered the helium. I'm not sure I can wait a few days for it to arrive tho, might find some other way to do it before then.
I wanted to kill myself before I told my friend about my feelings. I planned on killing myself end of next month. I also ordered some stuffs I wanted to give her, as a goodbye thing. I'm pretty sure now she doesn't want any of it, not from me anyway.  
And I have to wait for them to arrive so I can give it to her. I mean should I even wait for them to arrive? Might as well kill myself as soon as my helium gets here. Or even sooner if I find any other way. It doesn't fucking matter. I don't matter anymore.  

I'm not sure why I'm writing this but at least I have something to do instead of crying and waiting for her to reply all day.
It was so much better when I was alone, before I met her. I was depressed yes, but at least it didn't hurt this fucking much. And the fact that I did this, it's all my fault and now I can't even do anything about it just makes it worse.  


Edit: I would like to thank everyone who read my post, and took the time to write something.
I'm feeling a bit better, I won't kill myself in the upcoming days. I will wait a few weeks at least to think it through, see how things work out and then go from there. You guys will see me here next month or so, I will report back whatever decision I make.",0.973619058221086,2.748563955137481,2.9004283646888567,93.20251163308474,80.93921852387844,5.8152599354335965,20.61629745074029,6.810984321084268,0.2468061493932985,2507,69,572,27,65,840,243,691,0.17600000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.12,-0.9925,3,1,4,0,0,6,86.0,1,1,2,7,44,50,17,0,25,1,64,13,0,7,11,106,136,41,7,19,16,2,5,3,4,14,4,1,0,1,40,16,1,5,23,1,3,2,21,28,2,3,23,9,122,22,69,95,19,62,0,6,3,8,58,15,8,8,43,410,162,9,0.0,0.0,0.04679879688908528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753209633105408,0.0,0.0,0.049668652241428066,0.15876414987979848,0.07670187121563991,0.039903795263157335,0.0,0.0,0.06522436690107226,0.0,0.0366867250511493,0.0,0.04756013517838114,0.0,0.0,0.11839277185866325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375144565028594,0.0,0.11693577565559694,0.0,0.16323039272605494,0.054030750302717694,0.050327571637561436,0.08482756361903032,0.052356268343503855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828950265403051,0.0,0.052678155528426036,0.15464043983563308,0.0,0.0413050138376008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490716508409022,0.0,0.0,0.08495075936900429,0.0,0.0,0.1900495889697234,0.04337955803723352,0.0,0.0458246580248898,0.17240146861792674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699334310705808,0.03426025814554982,0.04604592853478196,0.1050683865437668,0.08766306413821254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820483232825024,0.35468138560503315,0.05011076661461166,0.09200882488701946,0.027254883519445026,0.04022378363445848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474846479091904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03214434831602802,0.10133772011577376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267722473231884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758960002246832,0.0,0.371398687990724,0.0,0.07906720308306657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354928709754622,0.07028762694312032,0.0,0.04234662256199828,0.0,0.04027152873618045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603435869776683,0.0,0.0,0.052238877969652375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174890712074827,0.048422570758630816,0.0,0.15311424155336648,0.0,0.07050734806491575,0.07111853359376552,0.036987144134079525,0.0,0.10200493566957387,0.0,0.046987359256095866,0.0460157229850934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499336810954627,0.14589284915093542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592923812468056,0.048789179130205855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796965267801755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03813707273693475,0.0,0.09706943060887373,0.07643052188034123,0.0,0.0,0.05417739233558905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888579075518072,0.0,0.1476775652204551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054898919250258915,0.0,0.0,0.13559579570649333,0.0,0.0,0.15418303493881844,0.08383249531341685,0.08830412616902278,0.0,0.0,0.1274411355412955,0.15364350441763344,0.047117189620256655,0.0,0.05592784560725608,0.0,0.0,0.0916493160497796,0.053281630391815125,0.0,0.0,0.046846703020122886,0.09984917975086892,0.0,0.04141916953897106,0.0,0.0,0.19800262567985136,0.07613155270515917,0.03846795191935262,0.0,0.08623762023768146,0.0,0.08654687986463783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034913030503516365,0.0,0.048871948797559434,0.13626818367779212,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riu112233,2018/01/20,"Ruined my life I wish i will have the balls to hang myself on monday, i can't live like this anymore ",6.4831818181818175,3.968330045454546,6.935454545454544,84.52318181818181,66.72727272727273,8.8,26.54545454545455,3.1291,0.7174909090909094,79,1,18,0,1,26,20,22,0.227,0.655,0.118,-0.3632,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072000905462732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36123739014500894,0.24985835031883494,0.0,0.4516011301737739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5881180494703383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZachsBrain,2018/01/20,"Whats the point I've been wondering this every day now. I've had bouts with suicidal thoughts before but its clear now that its the only way I can free my self...of my self. I hate myself so much. I hate that I get so clingy I hate that I get so jealous. Im 19 and have never had a girlfriend. People hate me. Once they see whats inside they want nothing to do with me. Im broken and nothings going to fix it. So I plan to jump off a parking garage next week. My parents are never going to forgive me. I love them dearly and this is going to hurt them forever. But its my choice. I cant stand living i cant stand trying to make it in a world I dont understand. I have no skills no talents I failed most of my college classes. I wasnt meant to live in this world. I'm a failure and im going to fix it...in the worst possible way.
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suicidewatch,a-n-o-n-y-m-o-u-s-e,2018/01/20,"My “pen pal” went off the grid after our last conversation in which he expressed his distress due to extremely strenuous life circumstances. Has a history of substance abuse & suicide attempts. Haven’t heard from him in 24 hrs which is very unusual given the frequency of our day-to-day interactions I met my “pen pal” at a recovery meeting last summer. It was his last day in rehab and he was leaving the following morning to head back home (lives on the other side of the country). Nonetheless, we exchanged numbers, but then I kind of forgot about him until I got Snapchat and added him as a friend thinking he was a friend of mine from college (I had previously switched phones from Android to iPhone and for some reason some of my contacts got group together). Long story short after we cleared up our identities we began talking pretty much every day. Some days we would talk on and off all day long. I know what you’re thinking and I’m not gonna lie...it is kind of strange to say this out loud but he’s become almost like text messaging bff. We have yet to speak on the phone or FaceTime but we’ve shared quite a bit about one another through our chat correspondence. Much of that about personal struggles and recovery. Recently, things have really gone south for him. Despite opening up to me about a lot of personal things in his life, I still don’t know the extent of his distress because he’s very secretive about it (which is completely understandable, especially given the fact that we’re essentially just chat homies and I’m a nobody to him in real life). However, yesterday our conversation was pretty heavy. He was really bugging and dropping settle hints about taking his own life. I stayed up a bit trying to get him on the phone or call the suicide hotline and suggested to hit up an AA meeting to have him talk to someone face to face. I should probably also mention that he’s been abusing his medication pretty heavily, and it keeps him up for days. It has since been over 24 hrs and he has yet to open any of my snapchats which is very unlike him because he usually replies within an hour. So I am definitely concerned for his safety right now. However, the problem is is that I don’t know him in at all (in real life that is; like I said we only met once) and all his social media, other than Snapchat has been disabled for reasons that I won’t go into detail about. I really want to check up on him to make sure he’s ok but I’m not sure if I’m being intrusive because as I’ve mentioned above, I’m really a nobody to him in his life but then I also can’t even reach out to any of his friends or family on social media to check up on him because he had disabled all of his accounts. 

Reddit, please advise me on what I can do in this situation because I have a strong feeling (and I’m basing this on our previous conversations) that he wouldn’t share any of his dark thoughts with any one of his peers or family given his current struggles, family and friends relationships. Please let me know what I could possibly due without overstepping my Snapchat buddy friendship boundaries. I can’t just sit here without at least trying to, especially knowing what I know.",6.374675147460168,6.7687916563517945,6.756158992869092,76.18106303371779,65.66123778501628,9.96031340787041,33.85843824280306,9.836113211274913,3.258867030548461,2543,106,467,51,37,826,277,614,0.054000000000000006,0.816,0.13,0.9934,3,0,0,0,1,2,54.0,12,0,0,3,19,19,0,4,23,1,40,11,3,3,8,80,79,32,2,7,16,0,1,2,6,5,8,5,1,2,26,26,0,2,14,2,4,4,11,5,1,2,24,6,67,14,94,46,15,77,0,0,0,0,94,41,0,10,31,304,93,4,0.0,0.15716392880133112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641295032238813,0.0,0.0,0.10607703200447116,0.0,0.07186099273705879,0.0,0.18040778264156954,0.06954549664604412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099832857158626,0.0,0.20214956656359148,0.07324859367748705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448151776400493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677232454265434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953845198436881,0.0,0.0,0.05295355555339685,0.0,0.0,0.2994101457488194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438057464397888,0.0,0.05588002682658359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757039578205786,0.0,0.03353492489140903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496408357369333,0.0,0.03465105420311355,0.0,0.037692915512350496,0.0,0.10608919737931434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806657949519651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652742288633398,0.0,0.06531484064567829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058950970731263236,0.0,0.13813049289027227,0.2186964698257916,0.16218640376527962,0.0,0.07022652952528055,0.0,0.06781980815844528,0.28107557318453896,0.06480418043346169,0.0,0.05856446479853818,0.1173876174633069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563854820574382,0.0,0.0,0.04427114827690882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681349140479821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751014021816208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063187954366827,0.08988442497904707,0.05044166518799234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582145130621532,0.0,0.14560557635599775,0.0,0.07476926925402727,0.0,0.20242314433959066,0.07150746120003806,0.06346219799218827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705427233896987,0.0,0.15098029284298087,0.16995296651460315,0.1363822749517161,0.06548600674928515,0.07120613080149991,0.0,0.05663951898421388,0.063088404663364,0.05274274826880338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486310909521815,0.07454988264017932,0.0,0.13521598647631958,0.05619530173190896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069154257775125,0.05296567028635625,0.0,0.0,0.13867049611634355,0.0,0.14509329552916786,0.0,0.12501737209158234,0.0,0.049866676660317855,0.15992385654226987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812416958834011,0.08499425986397657,0.0,0.05265309024519775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005798948210125,0.0,0.0,0.06904462999524197,0.0,0.0,0.07304546522691295,0.164170376824938,0.03911905095911921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148212819445679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786609938895205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711398904643957,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DEADDADSDAUGHTER,2018/01/20,"Keep making shopping lists for tomorrow... Except I can’t see the point in shopping for Pepsi Max in the morning, when I really hope I’ll be dead before I start to want it.

I can’t stop thinking about killing myself.",4.467131782945739,5.517630441860469,5.367441860465117,82.10992248062018,70.16279069767441,7.593798449612403,28.286821705426355,7.793537801064563,1.7978124031007745,171,6,32,2,3,56,33,43,0.235,0.6679999999999999,0.097,-0.813,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,10,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,7,9,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995835633046165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496825272040131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129338246341544,0.3895105929608288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500783073435846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328176433205395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225543494702498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28055226367765995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491952316700512,0.0,0.0,0.2943442454344206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255906771445071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765856916082093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lookinfordistraction,2018/01/20,"I think I want to kill myself tonight by jumping off a parking garage It’s been one of those really hard days. My significant other and I are fighting, I feel unloveable and like I’m incomparable with every other human being. I feel lame and weird. I’m mad all the time at how hard my life is and how everyone else makes it so easy. I’m jealous.  My weekend plans got ruined and I’m so close to edge that that feels like the last straw. 

This life isn’t a place for me anymore.",0.9109090909090902,3.1838833232323225,2.6997979797979816,91.73636363636366,84.45454545454547,5.216161616161617,20.11111111111111,6.574015621080383,0.17727474747474758,375,11,81,4,11,124,69,99,0.227,0.664,0.109,-0.9154,0,0,0,0,2,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,4,0,4,0,5,2,0,3,1,16,16,9,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,8,0,1,2,5,10,2,8,13,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918291546954425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903635878281948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304918510976526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470646174210976,0.2208199931970119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505438494503775,0.16509342997211324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184826792539762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41402923918571294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25567100861145736,0.0,0.0,0.18837225995980825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32645671715426977,0.22580147853998475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425688081732478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565951140978036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414437958184841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804458163257098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480755517339116,0.0,0.0,0.13475263121232553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630508844594735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoryBoi,2018/01/20,"I don't want to sound cliché, it hurts my chest when its cliché I tried to kill myself today, my sister saw me. and screamed. I probably scarred her for life. My mom is coming back in like an hour and I don't know what to do. My sister is going to tell my other sisters and my mom and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. My mother gets furious when she doesn't understand. Oh god she's here. Oh nvm, I thought I heard the lock turning. When my mother gets mad, everything hits the fan. She's going to send me away because she wont know what to do with me. She's going to think its her fault, she is going to think she's a failure, she's going to think I'm a failure. I don't want her to feel bad, I don't want her to feel like its her fault. It's my fault. I'm the reason why I feel this way. I don't want any of my family to feel they are the reason. I'm so so so scared of what my mother and what she will do. I need advice, please help me. I don't know what to do. I just want to learn how to not be so like, sad. I don't want to use the word ""depressed"" because I don't know if I am. Help please",-1.1068701507831946,0.5636951304347839,1.4502151954325877,101.35490411359976,87.81422924901186,4.538661982140243,14.903967208315036,5.5874745759252304,-1.103333362611623,840,14,224,5,27,287,101,253,0.213,0.71,0.076,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,0,12,16,3,2,8,0,23,2,1,4,0,37,61,15,1,8,3,8,4,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,13,7,0,0,17,0,0,7,12,13,0,0,3,8,48,3,23,54,0,16,0,3,1,0,28,2,0,1,9,134,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854681991446813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553871676540247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436401792489423,0.08541423748069124,0.09274778351145292,0.1354275841479355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568622737905096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567368422301276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983221245843092,0.0,0.10471704190061204,0.0,0.22466305220581947,0.07935610752010888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160702107523594,0.0,0.31564874056532194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891016584251213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939215982524787,0.0,0.11891423659314512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228943880599768,0.0,0.3052353664177477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845961632613717,0.16280532555637126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26019285563261313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236496605721591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24386660554819195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976383233830735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284190158218841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242241095035445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970894685543206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352817140840671,0.0,0.08818570490957763,0.0,0.0,0.10529155938509592,0.0,0.0,0.07541653536605826,0.12082395459153485,0.0,0.11563897461662677,0.0,0.09593809998057903,0.0,0.0,0.3931098138580672,0.08817072621690386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002330962436174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,da-food,2018/01/20,"Things are getting worse I've been contemplating suicide a lot more recently. I didn't even realise that I stopped thinking about how my death would affect people close to me until my friend brought it up. I've just been so ready to give up that I've stopped thinking about others which is a first for me. I'm so tired of the anxiety and paranoia and stress and depression. 

Also I didn't know where to post this so I posted it in r/depression as well",4.8898168498168495,5.6385628351648345,5.1074175824175825,85.45841575091575,69.0,8.264468864468865,30.551282051282055,8.344100000000001,2.060317216117216,362,14,74,5,6,114,63,91,0.284,0.632,0.083,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,14,14,10,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,5,0,8,2,12,8,2,13,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205383073526114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502162430837158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34907287735589504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338440355021638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236834802193854,0.0,0.0,0.15656176591016988,0.0,0.10587279765506703,0.19439398671868427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136749722929076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722801475983425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048739840982302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881526676151712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000858819811157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388378641846964,0.2321272970486221,0.0,0.0,0.2216589577422747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462725146337404,0.2596913797679615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329087451497556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220072719893907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065109075598964,0.1439520367778173,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToxicPossum,2018/01/20,"Life is too empty without work/romance/family/social contact I wish I had gone through with my plan to hang myself on NYE. It just feels like there is not enough in life to make it worth the effort.

I am on disability pension and nearly every day just consists of trying to get my own laundry and cooking and cleaning done. My medical problems are getting worse and it probably won't be long before I need outside help to do those things. There is virtually no chance I will be able to do a worthwhile or fulfilling job.

I have only ever had one partner, she was violent and emotionally and financially abusive but having a companion made it worthwhile, given how lonely I was before (and since). I doubt I will be able to find someone willing to date a disabled and unemployed man but even then my trauma from being beaten by my ex-wife wouldn't let it work.

I only have social contact about 3-4 times a month - mostly through my disability support group, occasionally there is a meetup I can go to. I don't have many friends and none of them see me regularly. Some of them disassociated from me because when my wife was abusive they took me for the abuser because gender. Some of them live far away, mostly they are just too busy to care.

I've been trying to immerse myself in things I find fun and interesting but it's not enough to deal with the loneliness. Hobbies like gaming and reading are fun diversions but it doesn't meet my need to be with others. It feels like I'm living out my retirement at 35. Without a partner or a career or a real social life it isn't worth living.
",6.424321789321787,6.5621860064935085,7.135930735930739,74.37826118326122,65.55844155844156,9.311976911976911,33.02020202020202,8.998388855275968,2.8224063492063487,1262,49,228,19,18,419,172,308,0.13699999999999998,0.741,0.122,-0.6917,3,2,0,0,1,1,27.0,0,0,5,4,13,15,2,1,11,0,36,5,0,3,1,48,53,21,0,5,14,1,2,3,4,5,4,0,1,3,13,15,1,0,4,3,2,4,11,6,0,1,11,3,33,9,36,31,8,21,0,1,1,0,21,9,0,8,11,172,46,7,0.2079146258098393,0.369517249700174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767131753965104,0.0,0.0,0.12674282609989138,0.0,0.17692003292839273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599140889827884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704386664975358,0.10717542485468066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638442430985344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693798474625135,0.0,0.21483138754436315,0.0,0.06866282472893083,0.0940353411909844,0.08758851976453526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512788194496883,0.14853425022185576,0.0,0.0,0.19003020129915726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031716207307646,0.0,0.10862681062592293,0.0,0.05908133662108185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968039551405973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316159218160356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630339576871943,0.22028437346320467,0.1523648759959211,0.0,0.27538863564392124,0.0919989505749954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836692305330456,0.0693923136057981,0.1053963985401322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472605588769657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297773535008934,0.0,0.0,0.15416606056133814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044416566077806,0.15812844192024353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120835660667881,0.09947310870823137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398544523018548,0.11832618123799545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828405189865466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599456350017938,0.0,0.0,0.21194277770690065,0.08808269387010703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796952673460903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812923880075187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061834515742363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550039972297027,0.14116038305040302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195457793908228,0.2004222798299609,0.0,0.15136432384080512,0.0,0.1059413831718214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oiweurg,2018/01/20,"I feel I should talk but I don't think I can trust anybody I know the hotline is available, but I would prefer to not voice chat for a few reasons.

For a few days I've went to the lifeline chat and entered the queue (currently in queue), then leave when the queue doesn't move for over an hour.

I feel I'm losing myself more and more.",2.9842253521126736,3.7302482676056385,3.5761690140845097,94.71495774647889,73.36619718309859,6.243380281690143,24.059154929577463,5.6839178017228535,0.2410709859154929,261,7,61,1,5,82,47,71,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.8049,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,12,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,3,8,1,7,9,4,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717162015067234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32485467670483564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163542412974847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654373570190635,0.0,0.0,0.3401441425455815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593826069484654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34142463741855106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33028566472993376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258198544167798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058360269128873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977903922911743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281979120203304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scuzzle97,2018/01/20,"I just want to be done... I don't even know where to begin... I've had really bad depression since I was a kid, I'm 20 now, and I just feel like I have nothing to live for. Everything is just so pointless to me. I dropped out of high school, all I do is work and go home to myself. I have no one here for me. I've been through so much fucked up shit all my life, shit I should've talked to someone about a long time ago but I never will, I'm too prideful to come off as vulnerable by any means. All of this seems so petty but I just don't know how to explain half of the shit ive been through. But the only real reason I've never tried to kill myself in the past is because I don't want to fail at it, I've wanted to end it for years now. I was finally able to get a gun recently, and i know how I am, I'm going to use it on myself. It's so fucking hard not to do it right now. I want to so bad and I'm just going back and forth trying to talk myself out of it. But realistically I just can't see myself here much longer.",0.2053448275862096,1.4170329827586237,2.8193448275862067,95.51013793103449,81.24137931034483,5.8468965517241385,18.49655172413793,6.508806274219699,-0.3043162068965524,780,16,202,7,20,273,120,232,0.153,0.7829999999999999,0.064,-0.9652,0,1,0,1,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,23,12,6,0,6,0,21,6,3,4,5,40,46,17,1,4,11,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,8,0,0,4,8,10,0,2,6,3,26,2,35,38,5,30,0,2,1,2,4,10,5,1,16,136,33,3,0.12239421946550062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108495090711544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323226631316334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411359982467653,0.20438812168746112,0.07461038016409605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543178254469306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541796187962904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525178087856242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840494991742393,0.0,0.0,0.08084022762958754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000003243076213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061886194896572974,0.08743845484167505,0.0,0.13407688484227234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630296732335614,0.06394592803560913,0.0,0.20867836649441532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964117996636244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931621277425126,0.12277138153856786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354110696262995,0.0,0.2017939863986193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645065683557716,0.05979563326001806,0.0,0.1080763381540867,0.10831503270549483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332318609287933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994766833305958,0.0,0.18879593483216808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744055456750112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293749069711988,0.09308631919827187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683913167442575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931141725646173,0.07840887107270594,0.1258416423390009,0.12084952597352525,0.0,0.0,0.10452399467288406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386948441460588,0.09753234648099038,0.11142310059599013,0.0,0.0,0.376907722287425,0.10124576312882738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370422496886413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675167479147332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136905363857345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619528169900913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570930814143413,0.0,0.0,0.2887651270625287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910444947900285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881786448366956
suicidewatch,MissaShip,2018/01/20,"Giving up I slept all day. I went to bed around 12am on the 19th and didn’t wake up until about the same time on the 20th. 

Now I’m sitting on the couch waiting for all of the pills I just took to kick in. I don’t want to be awake anymore. If I had the means to do it I’d kill myself right now. Who cares about the housework. I don’t even feel conflicted about leaving my cats or my family. 

The stress and mental illness has also made me sick again. I get hungry but I can’t eat, I’m dizzy and nauseous. I have no energy. 

I think I’m just finally done. ",-0.7244599303135892,1.1959001138211391,1.651062717770035,98.87359756097565,88.51219512195122,4.815098722415796,16.102787456445995,6.18269132825596,-0.6457846689895468,426,9,106,4,14,144,82,123,0.12,0.815,0.065,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,3,1,1,8,0,10,6,2,1,2,19,25,8,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,1,14,1,17,17,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,7,68,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612883678831368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842260569922506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606362018167167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245531681957584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203898995950212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253858097913007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253643267083173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546891102229567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762619391302334,0.0,0.1113618509359949,0.0,0.0,0.2412662482920648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506826227992413,0.21127786121476025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24366706300184315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320631664065555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839994907970905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990999609525696,0.0,0.0,0.22195388486661213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808694787989005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522884564375385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112329352215344,0.0,0.0,0.12842589411135305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24469889546010776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990546231350095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041681505889649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vatrano,2018/01/20,If there is a God please listen to me. Take my life instead of someone else who has purpose and a wanting to live. I’m dead inside and am ready die but I won’t do it under my own power. Every time I see a tragedy in the news it breaks my heart to know some happy people lost their lives. I hope there are others that feel this way,1.382083333333334,2.7213908194444443,2.8566666666666687,95.955,78.30555555555556,4.800000000000002,18.944444444444443,3.1291,-0.6929055555555554,257,5,60,0,6,84,60,72,0.17,0.6629999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,10,15,4,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,8,2,6,13,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,1,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257080350587032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692708541322052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870350018057368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524790342083678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26368828959686874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935335223562555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24602855271146784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613307330549482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749625023174574,0.0,0.0,0.437458944949622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27040102311896896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172857235757866,0.0,0.0,0.2719074699589261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197390095365762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098810045591006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862445412504743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443971474251302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610377486480455,0.19661797511133008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awesomexr,2018/01/20,"Its really hard to kill yourself Like you want to kill yourself and are psyching yourself up to do it but then, gun in mouth, the adrenalin hits, as you realise what's about to happen, and you don't feel anything anymore because the adrenalin covers over everything. The adrenalin takes away the pain and the desire to die because its an overriding signal chemical. So you don't kill yourself and when the adrenalin fades its back to square one.

Maybe this is why people rehearse suicide. Rehearsing may reduce the fear reaction.

Ive only managed twice to go through with an attempt in full. One time I wasn't really thinking about it and the other time was really sudden spur of the moment choice where I didn't have time to feel anything.



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suicidewatch,sophiaoc,2018/01/20,Peaceful So all week I have been suicidal but scared and terrified. Since last night I have felt quite comforted by the idea that I’m going to kill myself. Spent some time trying to think of methods. I’m even happy the action would hurt others. It’s peaceful to me. ,2.1056410256410243,4.756979307692311,2.9938461538461536,89.03448717948721,82.84615384615384,5.7743589743589725,20.2051282051282,7.1686216300943375,0.6715666666666671,212,6,40,3,6,67,43,52,0.303,0.495,0.203,-0.8645,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,10,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,3,1,4,2,5,6,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418868813524085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532185392956726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988169449671082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807414765804442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28232438451112674,0.2977148136260034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917740000098911,0.0,0.0,0.21497207711532956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474892022344253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805053090837831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640359643727452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815706333076987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884736919182881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898511985272788,0.0,0.0,0.15378088596829667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905279922060574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115452745698608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734354763472866,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Misterydwn,2018/01/20,"Suicidal, Begging For Help and Turned Away - Retaliation From A Crisis Center Because I Turned In My Sexually Deviant Therapist I went to the hospital in the back of a police car yesterday against my will.  This was a first for me. 

I have a lot of trauma I haven't dealt with yet and every once in awhile it percolates up and this morning it happened.  After crying on the bathroom floor for a few minutes my mom came in and asked if I was OK.  I was too upset to respond so she just walked away and left me on the floor.  She came back after awhile but I still couldn't talk.  Shame overwhelmed me and all I could think about were suicide scenarios to finally end the suffocating pain that wells up inside me like a tsunami.

After about 40 minutes of crying on the floor I realized I had been away from my daughter for awhile and needed to get back to her.
When I stood up I could see myself in the mirror and felt disgusted.  I slapped my face repeatedly and as hard as I could, punishing myself for being the horrible human that at the time I thought I was.  I grabbed my laundry to go home and I almost made it out of the cabin before mom stopped me.  I told her the memories I was having from my childhood and she denied everything, invalidating everything I felt.  I started to really lose it, my voice screaming as loud as it could at her that I wanted to die.  That's when her husband came tearing out of the back room with a finger pointed at me so I ran away.



I ended up under a tree on the property.  It took me about 15 minutes to run through my DBT skills. I still felt sad because DBT does not take away emotion, it simply provides a means to regulate emotions.  I went to the fifth wheel and was just starting a movie when I saw a sheriff car pull into the driveway.



I went outside and was surrounded by four sheriffs.  I have had many interactions with this department prior to DBT but this was different.  I explained that I had been upset and ran away but did my skills and was much better, no longer suicidal at all.  They didn't believe me and forced me to go to the hospital.  The sheriff that drove me to the hospital was cold and short and wouldn't explain to me what law he was enforcing or why I had to go to the hospital.  Luckily I have skills and was able to not react to his hostility and just went with the situation so I could get back home to my daughter as soon as possible.  I saw the doctor briefly, explained myself and was promptly released.



The next day I called the Sheriffs to find out why this interaction was so different.  Turns out I had told my mom ""give me a gun, I want to shoot myself"" which she relayed to 911.  According to the sheriff deputy I talked to all they heard was 'gun' and that's why there were four of them and they were so serious.



It was during this call I learned the most horrifying fact and it has blown my mind.  A couple years ago I was seeing a male therapist that was going through a divorce.  He ended up telling me he thought about me when he pleasured himself, as well as many other disgusting comments.  I reported him to his facility but wasn't taken seriously.  After he told me about pleasuring himself I reported him to the neighboring county's facility, where I had been a patient years earlier.  I eventually sued the county facility that employed him and was quieted with a 50k settlement, of which I got 24 after the lawyer and fees.  I wish I had taken it to trial but my lawyer basically said no.



A year after the lawsuit I was doing really bad.  I was in the emergency room three times in two weeks for suicide ideation.  The hospital set me up an appointment at the neighboring county's mental health facility, where I had been a patient years earlier and the same facility that I had reported my sick therapist.



I was barely hanging on, waiting desperately for my appointment.  An hour before the appointment I got a horrible phone call.  It was the facility cancelling my appointment.  They said that my medicaid wouldn't cover it because I don't live in their county.  I attempted to explain that I did live in their county, my mailing address is in the other county.  I also tried to explain that medicaid has different benefits in different counties and I knew my medicaid was in the right county because my medical doctor only takes the same county's medicaid.  It's confusing but basically they were lying and I knew it.  The person who called ignored me and just kept repeating that her director would not allow me to be seen.  This is the same exact director to whom I had reported the sexually-inappropriate therapist.



I hung up, cried and cried and started to picture my suicide in graphic detail.  Terrified and alone, I called the facility back and asked to speak with the director. I tried to explain to her but I was so upset and had been so desperate for help I was furious that they were denying me their services.  I begged and told her I was on the verge of suicide with a specific method and hung up because I was so upset.  I called a final time on my way to commit suicide.  I called to thank them for pushing me to finally go through with it.  I told them where I was and my plan and then hung up.



When I got to my planned location I realized there was a complication and I wanted to be sure this wouldn't be another attempt.  I was working on the complication when a sheriff stopped.  I asked him what county this was and he reassured me it was the county I thought it was.  He was disappointed to hear what happened and offered me a ride to the hospital which I happily accepted.  All I wanted was help.



I stayed in the hospital for 12 days while a psychiatrist adjusted my meds,  The only access to a psychiatrist while on medicaid in Washington is through inpatient psychiatric hospitalization.  There is not a single psychiatrist in Washington that accepts medicaid.  My only option had been my medical doctor and it wasn't working.  Not at all.



When I got out of the hospital I was curious about the facility refusing to see me while in crisis and had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with my lawsuit against the neighboring facility.  I called and stated that I had a friend in crisis that didn't live in the county but was suicidal and they didn't hesitate.  They immediately said to bring her in, it didn't matter what insurance or where she lived if she was in crisis.



Since that phone call I filed a grievance with the ombudsman.  I described that I thought I was being retaliated against and I wanted to make sure that never happens again.  I got a letter saying they got my grievance and I tried to let it go.



Until my phone call with the Sheriff recently.  You see the sheriff couldn't find a 911 call on the day I was rescued.  There is no report or call at all for me that day.  THEY NEVER CALLED 911.  That sheriff just happened to be driving by, which explains why he didn't have lights on.



Let me reiterate that: the mental health facility that is also the acting crisis line not only cancelled my appointment and refused to see me for a completely false reason (they lied, I've checked with medicaid- they lied about that and it didn't matter anyway, I was in crisis) they DID NOT CALL 911 after three phone calls begging for help and telling them my plan. They've called them in the past when I stormed out of the office but after being the victim of a sick therapist and reporting him, they not only refused to see me but would have been the last people to speak to me before a very successful suicide.  Isn't a crisis line obligated to call 911 if a caller is in imminent danger?



On top of all that, later that same day my mom called the facility to find out what happened.  She had been at the emergency room with me and knew I had that appointment.  They not only broke the HIPPA laws and spoke to her about me but they told her I cancelled my appointment.  That's right, they lied and told my mom that I had called that morning and cancelled my appointment.



This is the county-funded mental health facility that cancelled my appointment an hour before it was supposed to happen, claiming it was because of medicaid. They refused to see me and sent me into crisis and did NOT CALL 911 when I was seconds from death.  The only reason I am ALIVE right now is a sheriff happened to be driving by.  Then they lied AGAIN and told my mom I  cancelled my appointment.  An appointment made by the Designated Mental Health Professional in the emergency room and the condition of my release from the hospital.



A couple years before I reported the bad therapist I had been a patient at this facility with the same medicaid and never had an issue.  This is retaliation for reporting and subsequently suing for justice.  He was not fired until I sued, months after I reported him.",5.125850218514104,6.506757305125149,6.150031585220503,75.87576648788243,68.9165673420739,9.550425109257054,32.040544298768374,9.848157485987151,3.267751116408423,6970,303,1258,166,120,2316,483,1678,0.182,0.748,0.07,-0.9997,5,1,2,3,1,7,124.0,0,1,27,15,58,42,7,7,120,1,139,14,2,7,15,214,244,113,11,22,33,9,7,1,4,6,12,13,11,3,82,88,0,9,30,0,2,31,33,26,2,7,142,32,239,16,218,79,17,208,0,5,10,0,157,92,0,11,82,972,321,24,0.02790217748531642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024733596819679047,0.0,0.02794000029035717,0.02889824101834026,0.0,0.044626722508456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029257865929026163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825430829503095,0.0,0.15729008538582992,0.1287303131254669,0.04659430545101408,0.10205345049840378,0.0,0.11871348973763315,0.031436199175691674,0.0,0.02467720853935989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698248572594092,0.09573797345491734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02925490223221253,0.0,0.0,0.11138809150589704,0.061746457359210076,0.12259692712920695,0.0899729809423914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028958055044050864,0.11660734718561483,0.0,0.08567718291814534,0.024417383546856374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277238828112727,0.07413914234083704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02350878794242625,0.0,0.05015335596202428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037139809492495,0.09169641476251017,0.07650625419304061,0.023733577915176173,0.0,0.0,0.021557153110811602,0.0,0.029155472232342806,0.02676631111787648,0.0951447028250268,0.0,0.1338955214845761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271662381336353,0.0,0.024994870480654286,0.0,0.0,0.11863483960899868,0.031447781894442924,0.0,0.074808965662995,0.0,0.055976318044533034,0.0,0.054956048714785134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029122624081375937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022743998704553417,0.0,0.0,0.03031579747846577,0.0570637338181964,0.0,0.013631594525901571,0.0,0.09855253564449264,0.0,0.0,0.03121539950547737,0.0,0.0237214335067068,0.0,0.05280342996606793,0.01862492013540769,0.056576857100367466,0.0,0.030393651085131118,0.03099302909053612,0.056217016717010425,0.1124753289720643,0.0,0.02817324524347344,0.19607215826382293,0.022271251866478752,0.0,0.020511310917396452,0.02068911105815496,0.06455963817406707,0.0,0.02967428229893607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029714908393300262,0.0,0.14854604308498198,0.029689884094161127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026635785606925668,0.019343856656533924,0.02436310514302175,0.0,0.0,0.026376576504407497,0.03145551273548957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03574969874636285,0.05737617111200636,0.02755003412297684,0.0,0.0,0.0714849213526577,0.07962408096866384,0.02218893144772448,0.0,0.0,0.15564096064090105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023080969549000033,0.031363216548904616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0214804594052524,0.0,0.0,0.059247914507479016,0.02974000869650182,0.044565429964971384,0.04665493950905552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27468408116048665,0.0,0.052594944142407694,0.0,0.04195793000025021,0.04485342669399808,0.04877546592084349,0.02568857625270827,0.0,0.19437947172356496,0.0,0.01787858869204356,0.0,0.08860484887948747,0.04880995222516652,0.0,0.0,0.2132938104701367,0.031000345840439637,0.05683124089649112,0.0910486703761861,0.027256373058195067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0230222185778052,0.08228713600665295,0.02214744974838589,0.02238144374531986,0.0,0.05017481695220979,0.10346239227537024,0.10070950109765793,0.0,0.032086127093665644,0.0,0.0,0.04062623504528068,0.0,0.0,0.03964181266597497,0.0,0.0,0.0898404374586029
suicidewatch,squirmin_daddy,2018/01/20,"I'm just so tired. I keep living the same day and it's wearing me thin. I've been to enough psych wards, intensive outpatients, etc. over the past seven years to know that I ""can't be saved,"" whatever that means. I just cause others pain, there is no redeeming value whatsoever. I am a body in the room, something with agency to fill a void, but I am broken and defunct and cause more harm than I'm worth. I can't seem to overcome my own despair at the unspeakable cruelty and willful ignorance towards it that surrounds everyone. I don't want to live in a world where everything is so predatory and sadistic. Knowing I've succumbed to the heaping waste that is humanity ruins any hope I once had for myself. Knowing I'm not alone, that I'm a part of this, and that I never have to be alone again, only makes things worse. I wish I was the only one, maybe then I wouldn't have been such a coward the first time. ",4.648934426229508,5.296495491803281,5.446024590163937,83.17920081967216,69.49180327868852,8.722950819672132,28.91120218579235,8.841846274778883,2.106657923497268,717,25,146,12,12,234,118,183,0.225,0.695,0.08,-0.984,0,2,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,12,0,18,4,2,3,1,28,32,10,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,11,7,0,2,5,0,1,1,7,5,0,3,4,1,15,2,16,24,6,19,0,2,0,0,1,10,0,2,8,100,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275150567347604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075223569700354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562805422182762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32485149761272897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196989477401508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337313968253112,0.1763379461576757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108388083414265,0.142101894825677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134490955911029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704202386376853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405382234820832,0.0,0.0,0.2606845397952037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792335983570387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554174856104746,0.0,0.15884590074324914,0.17223156165812453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194660075178965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683853335938938,0.10714155550423086,0.24050433528277795,0.1682435285140085,0.0,0.0,0.1712211223513019,0.15093688277931394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394026412681593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172321969934236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050433443771194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219704330851168,0.18172779477611528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325922640293538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182230760708407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113079740283662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181967806502834
suicidewatch,WhyCantIDisappear,2018/01/20,"Anyone willing to PM me? Ready to try SUICIDE again, 2nd time this week. I HATE my life. This loneliness & being less-than-Human. Edit 2:  Kindly do not offer to “help” when your actions make it clear you don’t want to help. I’m no longer replying to PMs, 
b/c the last thing I want when I came here was further rejection and more confirmation of what a horrible, unworthy, sub-human I am.  

Thanks for the big FU kick in the head. It’s everything I was hoping for.   /s



Edit 1:  Finding more proof I’m not to be here. THANKS EVERYONE! Happy for anyone finding help and/or a listening ear. 

NO ONE has replied to my responses to their PM’s. Some could be timing, except 1 way earlier, I responded in 7 minutes. Another 14 minutes. I checked my settings & have had back & forth PM’s under my regular user name. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I knew I was a F#€keD up mess. Will You believe me know?

Thanks for giving me the strength I needed.  

ARRIVEDERCI!!!!




Me (51/F) posted here a few days ago under a throwaway & cant locate it now. (Doesn’t matter). On SSDI. I attempted after that post & then chicken out. But ready to try again. 
I’ve AGAIN looked for HELP. 
I find None. 
I have No one. 
My existence is worthless. 

I’m only giving a few details so that if anyone would be willing to PM now or in a few days, I’d appreciate it.  

I’m ready to try again. I don’t want to living in this cycle of “try, attempt & fail”.  I ALREADY feel like a ginormous failure at life, but failing that last attempt, too? Very Rough!  I became scared of a failed outcome (stroke or paralyzation), but now life’s 110% ssh!tb@ll again, so the bad effects from a failed outcome aren’t looking as bad in comparison to all the garbage that is my life. 

Pm if you’d life. Reply if you’re more comfortable w/that. That’s for hanging out & just viewing. I know I’m not the only person here needing help. I just feel guilty asking tho. ",0.21998791784132266,2.613552539267019,2.4729057591623054,90.41739730165126,91.67015706806282,5.2421264599275075,21.48227950060411,6.8449194561589275,0.7416277084172371,1458,54,299,22,52,492,206,382,0.18,0.715,0.104,-0.9895,1,0,0,0,0,2,88.0,0,4,1,9,21,20,1,1,17,0,26,9,2,2,3,42,54,16,1,11,14,0,4,1,0,4,7,2,0,1,14,4,0,0,9,0,1,3,12,11,0,2,6,9,33,9,38,38,9,42,0,6,3,0,18,14,0,7,22,175,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984485187437894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694955113519988,0.0,0.0,0.5976019537661941,0.0,0.0,0.08262087099064258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528077347321052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366040897388769,0.0,0.0,0.06058661637138661,0.1315769957010998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877223522834758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011770000487264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290944910696655,0.0,0.0,0.10162936789877196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528966928374284,0.0708136738806928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967977329245504,0.056289421820738296,0.0,0.0,0.21604492183380888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511700096739819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387614706953378,0.0,0.07779134220260309,0.08086389995701951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640649661521403,0.0,0.0,0.07825879223563617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820503280826755,0.08660466261172102,0.12845290817441354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782675825018314,0.03849406567975036,0.0,0.06957527552621601,0.0,0.1323318148255865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259464676786013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168473722446778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678375794853663,0.1198505874006828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879862570414272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092298766237386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888509973348631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861862739476492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762481409172332,0.0,0.0,0.05234627688240046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188915271850882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139799092541407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501211522567565,0.13942168300355098,0.06254186798421893,0.06320264030029157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597197516141183,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thatsoverrated,2018/01/20,"My girlfriend has suicidal thoughts. Hello,

I'm not really sure how to go about this, but i'll try.
I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months now, and known her for about a year and a half. More and more have I seen sign of her thinking/talking about suicide. She has had a rough past, with an abusive father towards her, her mom and her brother. This has scarred her well enough, physically and mentally. She had explained to me that for a long time she thought it was normal for the husband/father to be abusive in a family. All of the events that have happened when she was younger, has made her believe many negative things about her. She has also been bullied in highschool. This all causes her to have ''mental breakdowns'' is what I'll call them. They usually happen after something negative, like if she messed something up, or if she thinks she dissapointed me. I'll throw in stuff she has mentioned along the way, and that stand out to me. ''I'm worthless'' ''Everybody wants me dead'' ''I'm better of dead/i'll do everyone a favor if i'm dead'' ''Nobody loves me/nobody would miss me when i'm dead''. She has been seeing a counsellor for about 5 years now. I honestly think it's doing fuck all for her. I've asked her many times if she has mentioned it to her mom, or anyone else for that matter. She says her mom ''ignores'' her, and i've heard the mom say that she doesn't believe she'll do it. Basically the mom is clueless, and has no idea what is going on. Everytime she's in a breakdown, I'll try to comfort her by telling her the opposite of what she says, and i'd like to think i'm a pretty good boyfriend to her. It's also very hard to tell her anything that she did wrong, because she'll end up having a breakdown. Tonight it has happened again, and i'm most likely going to step forward to her mom in the next few days. I would really like some advice/help or anything that matters on this subject. I'm just really having a hard time, and I'm starting to think that the situation is out of my control.

I greatly appreciate anyone who took the times to read this, and comment. I'm sorry if this is all over the place, but it's past midnight, and I need to sleep real bad. If there are any questions, please ask them. Thanks so much in advance.",3.6819260801665843,5.0247014247787645,4.3969182717334725,87.21713430504946,72.36283185840708,7.087558563248308,27.453409682457057,7.5105763829236425,1.4143030192608013,1772,64,363,20,34,567,208,452,0.139,0.753,0.109,-0.9573,0,0,2,0,0,1,54.0,0,0,3,3,18,21,1,0,22,0,39,3,1,4,5,62,76,30,5,11,13,8,3,4,2,4,0,4,0,0,27,18,0,2,10,1,0,8,5,7,1,1,14,9,54,14,52,57,11,48,0,2,2,2,67,16,1,12,28,244,81,2,0.0,0.17502344994206204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813122923712395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022716210257038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328890770006376,0.07567804122776532,0.1215605603947984,0.0,0.13809779002914746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061669805320514436,0.04502421747038005,0.0,0.0,0.16642928910872978,0.0,0.06532294587268879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754190617798186,0.0,0.0,0.0758743078632678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283998896477969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047633427863042616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061700342842817835,0.0,0.06541781491010966,0.07631686470867792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057615539302857,0.0,0.0,0.06962839804094564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828214782279247,0.0,0.0,0.12592859242566304,0.06195005323856812,0.0,0.08143063405899666,0.0,0.0,0.19594179643846527,0.0,0.13232765520447307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950663288152461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337866642105507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433657031404362,0.0,0.0,0.0653635536652893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666130718129229,0.06988788039101365,0.0,0.14976438555112273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488665100579809,0.0,0.0,0.5190218723880512,0.05895414701669284,0.0,0.05429541395242975,0.05476606803603079,0.0,0.0,0.07855068101939253,0.0,0.07236687214479777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410149757175802,0.0,0.0,0.0771677174954219,0.08107582477415526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751419178277653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273982251694256,0.0,0.07387973653212042,0.08406856435882608,0.14194933955650926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762087108378555,0.0,0.0,0.058856657327015664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830214525176054,0.07391308966251432,0.0,0.0,0.11372168653612134,0.0,0.08267994205805575,0.05227831052107236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455174185503195,0.1615811550440386,0.0,0.06961193937133837,0.0,0.0,0.05936566851683,0.1291133523137574,0.06800013354126433,0.0,0.0,0.049069135336161175,0.1893053794229064,0.0,0.11727278103965535,0.1722728545068944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206089883058547,0.10029184262712194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134607873539587,0.06094202817261556,0.04356439362100234,0.058626430895714024,0.0,0.0,0.06640878458180517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493569314959164,0.08075404087221068,0.0,0.09512651358319686
suicidewatch,tkmrykss123,2018/01/20,"It wont get any better It wont get any better 
There are a lot of things I want to do things I want to learn 
But I just cant leech on my parents forever

People misunderstood me Noone understands

It wont get any better and i know it",0.3455769230769228,2.046817788461542,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,82.65384615384616,6.467692307692308,18.092307692307692,7.554174236665415,0.21099538461538447,183,4,44,3,5,64,32,52,0.195,0.752,0.053,-0.7916,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,13,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,4,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,28,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490781778875846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840487154510203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450190907636064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097508672578085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714262523049915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444230523794348,0.0,0.0,0.15260713968920628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29248288462303096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291581599358433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596711644872601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kekeekeke,2018/01/20,"contemplating. i think i'm gonna kill myself. i don't really know yet, but i'm like 80% there. i don't know what to do.",-2.6224999999999987,-0.9180425357142816,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,99.35714285714286,5.6571428571428575,10.571428571428571,7.1686216300943375,-0.7788857142857144,91,1,25,2,4,34,19,28,0.118,0.747,0.135,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920643481802046,0.0,0.5882090504294548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614473301763154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428308872481653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34290260555898544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donttouchyou,2018/01/20,"Messy Rant I had a dream the other night about killing myself and it was so satisfying to see everything just go black like that so easily, it's now all I can think about,i really can't get my mind off of how satisfying and easy it seemed in the dream. all my mind ever thinks about is suicide, I tried to code or write music with practice but my constant 247 suicidal thoughts are taking over my brain and I can't have any hobbies anymore. I had a full nice game setup I was gonna develop with a written story, developed game play and all that shit but I can't continue to make it since my suicidal thoughts are just taking over and I can't fucking focus anymore on anything. all I am is an annoying dick to everyone and I don't see much reason to not kill myself. I think it's time",3.4331481481481485,4.619565216049384,4.825617283950617,84.5102777777778,72.76543209876544,8.362962962962964,27.08024691358025,8.841846274778883,1.9528172839506168,623,22,130,12,12,208,97,162,0.191,0.6679999999999999,0.141,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,5,0,6,0,16,4,3,3,5,31,32,12,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,3,18,3,15,24,6,13,0,0,3,2,3,6,3,2,7,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697194659587333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828390129477622,0.0,0.0,0.1173465081174233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918721203989866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409844131508835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898860917176772,0.0,0.13625908542749593,0.12815843834271762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183011969900854,0.07450188962969465,0.0,0.08104207782140761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31552847456743816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966647926346148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518568131787868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879678971978585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482638798990414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381913818622151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913523227842548,0.14661512368917246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726526414021306,0.12981642143309216,0.0,0.0,0.14637542680747626,0.11795904605368596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679392130247842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443282036786326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274114299543068,0.0,0.226414740233652,0.08315039785169498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681509764953747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnicornShimmer,2018/01/20,"New strategies beyond putting it off? I've been struggling with depression, harassment, and general discombobulation from society 4 most of my life and when things get really dark, I've held fast 2 the standard advice. I have hobbies I enjoy, there's people I connect with, when things get too intense, I always put things off at least by a day, because feelings change.

Dedicating a lot of time to self care and personal work, therapy, holding down a job, and transitioning gender on my own. I got this. But my bouncing back is becoming more and more faint... the few people I am dearly close to still won't even use my legal name to address me. The stresses I experience are brushed off as trivial, when the ones shared with me would be trivial to me... It's all a matter of perspective. And one that seems to be non pervasive. I'm harassed and shamed even going to the grocery store, because I'm visibly different. To the point where I don't want to leave my house, to avoid mistreatment. 

I always try to give it time. 

But I'm driving home, making an itemized list of affairs to tie in order and what to include in my will. I never thought I wouldn't get to this point. I had promised myself I wouldn't, but we've tread that path. I feel so alone and see these deeper pattern emerging. Perhaps this is the path to take. Maybe others will learn more if I leave this earth soon, rather than teaching through living example. I'm exhausted. And part of my furiously questions why part of me still clings to hope. 

It gets better. I will keep telling myself this. My mantra. 
I still love myself, even in the midst of these feelings.",4.026846401187239,6.039128816720263,4.517443729903537,83.97956900816227,72.72990353697749,7.356962651496414,28.681795696265148,8.139509932561175,1.993457976749939,1286,52,242,20,26,407,184,311,0.093,0.813,0.094,0.1054,2,2,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,2,17,17,3,4,13,0,17,4,0,2,2,45,43,19,0,7,5,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,18,14,0,4,7,0,1,4,5,9,0,2,5,5,32,8,40,29,12,33,0,1,1,1,9,14,0,6,14,165,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706974699540366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348063929248176,0.0,0.0,0.18234069145457465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425194587984394,0.0,0.13358472576482613,0.12101056491738987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690504689275678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171309435648023,0.0,0.11590967751486105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066306485514434,0.0,0.09437178511492013,0.0,0.0,0.11447648575241852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710825521020335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071796951354236,0.0,0.0,0.16620442803745858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289815235259939,0.1051087536860933,0.06227069723162314,0.0,0.08763249273445804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099068339990218,0.10882693114337176,0.0,0.12642813732865668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873051694603293,0.09739013286764604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203590904309376,0.0,0.0,0.07739196114649355,0.0,0.0,0.0967516045503801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315180939790617,0.09889047427416177,0.0,0.07313828694265875,0.0,0.11007698116262428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845065161328773,0.1058226090737174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849384128629725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730551649767584,0.0,0.1519229643335347,0.09567159278052308,0.0,0.0,0.20715660597941327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202946037451942,0.12274257190619045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019283051996453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731246060674029,0.09974767789847457,0.11430456413392147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26250629646764584,0.0,0.12551114003649966,0.11454551022711967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238239685238563,0.0,0.09576830387311716,0.0,0.1253019208965986,0.0,0.218378708915168,0.0,0.0,0.08698570000226495,0.12778135478515973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439028952922354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946326027813108,0.0,0.0,0.06462674869142393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886915400954653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976767724476998,0.0,0.0,0.07783481079683394,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,normalhumanbean,2018/01/20,Why do people try to stop suicide It doesn't make sense complete strangers pretending like they care but if I meet anyone in real life I'm just a stupid annoying kid idk what I'm even doing here anymore I pretty sure i won't graduate and have no more plans so I'm just along for the ride at this point,0.4532812499999999,2.8258452656250017,1.9112500000000023,95.60875,88.53125,5.075,18.9375,6.6274283507984215,0.0802562499999997,243,7,53,3,8,78,55,64,0.231,0.601,0.168,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,10,10,4,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,5,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751159290451558,0.1939713467823052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828377277637632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908588441604175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322652307424594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594270988507376,0.13552839098199046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185173161754746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232099099374564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26224187980820923,0.0,0.0,0.2822254456050937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157530273839139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192697196978115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034412402689517,0.0,0.26145540567040665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834301009506985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503191503831401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exonight77,2018/01/20,"Hostile suicide. (spinoff of passive suicide)
————————————————————
it was once passive, like two days ago and years before then, but something happened on the 18.  it usually isn’t like this, i mean, yeah i think about suicide every second of the day, and yeah i can’t stop ever thinking about being dead, and yeah i relate anything anyone ever says to suicide, but it was different that day. not a good different. it felt amplified (i didn’t know it could be amplified), i didn’t want to move out of my chair to go to my next class. i wanted to scream at anyone who talked to me. i didn’t, so i just kept it inside me, and it’s the worst feeling of depression i’ve ever felt in my life after roughly 5 years.
————————————————————
my thought process: 
————————————————————
the only possible way is suicide, there’s no getting out of this. but i can’t?? why can’t i bring myself to actually commit suicide??? i just want it over. i gotta think of everything that’s stopping me from from doing it, and change that. 
the people i care about is the only thing stopping me. now all i gotta do is stop caring, or make sure they’ll benefit from me being dead. sure, they’ll grieve, but that doesn’t last forever. 
————————————————————
i continued to think about how everyone will benefit, and if i couldn’t think of anyway that they’ll benefit, i put them into a box in my head that read “do not care about”. and left it at that.
————————————————————
if you watch he vampire diaries, you could say i “flipped the switch”
————————————————————
and i feel better than ever. i honestly don’t care about literally anything.  this is the best thing i’ve done in a while, and all i can picture is my dead body in the garage. and it makes me happy. i just need to figure out a time and method, already got method down, just 1 part to go. past me was so scared of this. this happened once before in october when i made the decision i would finally commit suicide, but i never got past that, i never chose a method or time, and when i was finally passively suicidal again, i was so damn scared that that would ever happen again.  and it has. but present me is so gleeful and eccentric about it, i don’t remember what i was so afraid of. it’s the best thing that could ever happen to me. 
————————————————————
i’m not typing all this to get people to tell me to not do it, because i don’t think anything at this point will make
me change my mind. if i’m being honest here, the best anyone could do is delay it because i haven’t chosen a time yet.
i’m typing this because i know any other part of me would; i type in my notes when i need to vent, rarely here. but when it’s that bad, i usually come here. although i don’t get responses, it helps me cope knowing 9 people saw it and 1 cared enough to say some pity words.  i guess i went to 
r/depression but i don’t know if that makes a difference. oh well, i think this is the correct subreddit for this post.
————————————————————
i hope everyone isn’t as weak as me and doesn’t do what i did! :)
————————————————————
i think i read somewhere that being calm and cool and collected while in the midst of an extremely depressive episode is before you commit suicide, but oh well, that’s good news to me :)
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suicidewatch,ListerineFlakes,2018/01/20,"Honestly starting not to care if I don't wake up one day College grad with a degree from a reputable school but can't land a decent fucking job and get my own place and get going with my life. Tired of place after place saying I have an impressive background but it's still gonna be a no ""unfortunately."" Future's looking bleak. Don't see things looking up",4.479166666666664,5.500598583333336,5.267666666666667,82.944,70.1111111111111,7.426666666666668,28.288888888888888,7.554174236665415,1.5969855555555563,286,10,56,3,5,93,55,72,0.121,0.787,0.092,-0.2533,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,5,4,1,0,0,8,15,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,4,4,3,8,13,1,12,0,0,3,1,1,6,1,1,5,34,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029593016340656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330207084273438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906841494264084,0.2155247903458488,0.0,0.11722237461671765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046813341804783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568761657015178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346413091403047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976718958831566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6464937487897899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402631931868208,0.0,0.20874624451333135,0.1643626042579952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459919685161518,0.0,0.1647195914600566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703005299347015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706565605104396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dubjerk,2018/01/20,"I'm done I'm 21 and done with life. I have no friends now because they all left me when I quit using drugs. No one cares about how I feel or wants to even associate with me. I feel like an asshole and scum of the earth all the time. I just wish I would die already. Sitting in my dorm room alone everyday is all making it worse and I'm gonna end it all soon. Just wish it didn't have to be this way, this is going to break my momma's heart. Wish there was another way out.",0.19285714285714306,1.820841857142863,1.8783333333333336,100.2975,82.80952380952381,5.342857142857143,18.11904761904762,6.2581,-0.505780952380952,365,8,94,3,10,119,72,105,0.12,0.731,0.149,0.5106,0,2,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,3,4,23,24,6,1,5,3,1,2,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,2,11,3,9,17,4,15,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,57,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836135309070965,0.17938710427207255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045653032069313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909401869005656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573900042395334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870983002036244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327071189838511,0.0,0.0,0.188515995987388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439783862457954,0.0,0.0,0.10736821083093363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643887014179453,0.11613166772845634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559212390181287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238561669358304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926323445137708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662004688310134,0.0,0.11481972059907597,0.07941776448290247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850891420047193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101536975843174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290074049768714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947890403399358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039816086771625,0.0,0.0,0.0958810852968312,0.2580623924328321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5608019985889391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656607750848931,0.11547673810278328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jan-19-2018throwaway,2018/01/20,"Don't even know if I should post So today is officially the 2 year anniversary of my sister's suicide, as well as the 1 year anniversary of my brother's suicide (he did it on her anniversary, nobody was ready for that. They were really close...)

I'm not feeling good today. I really don't know if there's a point in continuing... I don't have any friends IRL and I hate college so far (being the depressed loner that never talks to anyone).

What if they judge me for who I am? My only friend back from high school stopped talking to me because he found out I was gay, and now I'm just too scared to talk to anyone.

Like my title says, I really don't know if I should post here, it would probably be downvoted or ignored. But if anyone's out there, just give me a few reasons. My father doesn't love me, he kicked me out once I graduated high school, so he doesn't care, and I have no friends.

Talk to me SW. I've lurked this sub for a while thinking about it... and I'm fairly close.

edit: Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement, it means a lot to me, even if it doesn't look like it. I really appreciate it, and I'm gonna keep trying. <3",1.8392209603506653,3.5443600669456115,3.7096592946802174,88.73688981868898,78.03765690376571,7.062841203426977,21.841203426977486,7.957251820313856,0.9036692966726436,892,25,197,15,21,301,131,239,0.183,0.742,0.076,-0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,1,2,0,15,15,1,1,8,0,20,2,0,1,1,38,39,19,2,9,11,3,1,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,12,10,0,3,8,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,5,3,27,11,22,28,2,23,0,1,1,2,23,11,0,8,12,122,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722432686863384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382102443050136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732021507499423,0.0,0.06922479274932296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578143773453993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978085964328736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000990455103627,0.0,0.0,0.10851093044183396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741907501794294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245120864026551,0.263207271124307,0.0,0.0,0.10893658160992092,0.0,0.09524828719279024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211645638807796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399636085149641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093686572311687,0.0,0.0,0.187227928014584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095883201869017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536134565596688,0.0,0.0,0.09654419190329924,0.10249184623940917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369954295448413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758405621260154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093711864001115,0.0,0.0863670864580129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735039529013256,0.0,0.2175171437476592,0.0,0.12243630460730436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909963915357951,0.11675803810397735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030704047512944,0.11369282999262413,0.2298564721881141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494079335309932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484312354229879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650991693264735,0.0,0.10455029350409216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276431658975385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528217969905825,0.0,0.0,0.07709941905017663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210359241521966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066938215046021,0.0,0.0,0.1462571379967811
suicidewatch,perk0114,2018/01/20,I just feel Cold on the inside.. I'm stuck between wanting to end it and dreading death completely... I have nothing that I feel like makes my life worth living...,2.8805376344086038,5.2346600645161345,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,77.38709677419354,5.423655913978496,26.46236559139785,6.42735559955562,1.0372494623655917,126,5,24,1,3,39,27,31,0.32299999999999995,0.623,0.054000000000000006,-0.8594,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,7,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066368761273923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34350606724464866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922013421315329,0.2770688955761879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739388299420516,0.18947624472128186,0.0,0.3424647851393547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588824013790447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721374629594177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22875471376124698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_tooclose,2018/01/20,What happens at mental health institutions once suicidal people are sent there from ER? I worked at a hospital and saw suicidal people get sent to mental health places. What happens to them while they’re there? How long do they stay there? Do they get permanent additions in their medical records that might limit their medical privileges and job prospects?,7.29344262295082,10.016572114754103,5.997508196721313,73.79298360655739,65.55737704918033,10.781639344262297,33.511475409836066,10.793553405168565,4.371561311475412,293,13,45,9,5,87,43,61,0.145,0.785,0.07,-0.7998,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,5,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,0,6,11,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,1,6,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,2,27,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896575463195875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32100821240595884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38586225613078506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011551968474854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062604737717245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36569400649693,0.3658283210838599,0.1925479230205374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329670156166728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25166516670350925,0.0,0.1896338976592428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345998006661305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970736107505228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213766516090528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nohope3334,2018/01/20,"No hope, gone Sunday January 28th Title says it all really. There’s no hope for this life. I was molested as a child by my aunt, developing a PTSD. Cause of that there’s no real hope for my life therefore no real purpose. It doesn’t get better. I’ve been told that for 4 fucking years and it’s only gotten worse. All my friends are gonna end up leaving me getting sick of my shit. Shit one friend doesn’t even care, she said “it’s your choice but I hope you don’t do it” when I talked to her today. I’m fucking terrible at school so I’m probably not going anywhere in the future. There’s just no point. So I’ll be gone pretty soon now. I have my method ready (hot shower and an Advil will thin out my blood. After that a slice from pulse to pulse on my neck shouldn’t be too terribly painful and i’ll pass out from blood loss within 90 seconds give or take) and I’ll be writing my notes out so  my funeral isint the saddest game of “who dun it” ever. ",0.4619981998199805,2.5750835346534693,2.2443744374437458,95.32535553555357,84.94059405940594,5.2568856885688575,18.58775877587759,6.574015621080383,-0.0893049504950496,742,19,169,8,22,244,131,202,0.207,0.68,0.114,-0.9674,1,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,0,2,13,17,5,0,6,0,13,12,5,2,3,24,33,11,1,5,4,1,2,0,2,3,5,2,1,1,11,7,0,0,0,1,0,4,10,9,0,2,7,4,18,8,21,20,2,24,0,1,0,2,16,10,4,5,10,98,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879115920939605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694362061618115,0.1379790342409611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896368056123875,0.0,0.0,0.08871413181362793,0.12149607428022816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754366955268064,0.24834506113626326,0.14034862728712824,0.12884768228061375,0.0763346032648662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53362245696157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222073822398287,0.0,0.0,0.18974204281134674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101567001653152,0.102153002701077,0.14292117938350474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697157759704866,0.0,0.0,0.13664716746507635,0.14481484403598827,0.0,0.15700765095428953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305760926113714,0.08604595914269672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776481402753967,0.10681308966080433,0.0,0.1359344733465534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757458948102791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098855255055736,0.10795772429031616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273154044335098,0.1283442318725183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687898609366422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864947888458661
suicidewatch,Kriskross88,2018/01/20,"Honestly F*** Living This morning I sucked the nitrous out of two cans of cream, did some cough syrup, Ritalin, and a couple other drugs in preparation for ending it. I put on my favorite Alice in Chains songs and just writhed and cried on the floor for 20 minutes before tying myself a noose out of my Daddy’s elastic bands. As it was, my survival instinct kicked in and as the cartoids were not crushed I got undone, barely. I hate myself for it. 

My bulimia is acting back up. I feel physically weak from it. My bipolar is killing me. The depression is endless. I turned 18 a month ago, I have no job and cannot drive. Nobody loves me. No one ever has. My ex boyfriend raped me. I only dated him to please my mom. My girlfriend killed herself and blamed my addictions. 

Nobody loves me. All i want is to be loved. Ive never known that. Not since my nana died five years ago. All I know are the endless insults and hate that i recieve. I get put down daily. Im the freak. Nobody loves me. I really must be useless.  I have one friend who has little time for me. I doubt she cares. My therapist is paid to care. Mommy is just there to yell; daddy just screams back. I feel so lost. I hate myself. Whats the point. Whats the point. 

I feel like a complete failure in life. I have nothing to offer. The last thing the world needs is another tortured artist.",0.3334391383090249,2.7732488847583667,1.8390334572490732,94.16272709941856,93.60966542750928,4.245963206558002,19.536841101896858,6.02186152331457,0.047656486512249074,1046,34,213,10,39,336,162,269,0.254,0.657,0.08900000000000001,-0.9945,1,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,2,8,25,9,1,14,0,22,12,0,0,5,28,43,10,3,3,5,2,3,1,2,1,7,3,0,0,12,9,0,0,5,3,1,4,6,16,0,4,6,7,43,9,25,34,3,31,0,3,1,5,15,15,1,2,13,142,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168121765078195,0.0,0.0,0.1978870697405326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170422845849454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165628757851936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497957290288624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276060790155576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703042870158314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350433302073392,0.12260826258743865,0.0,0.0,0.09613730647887896,0.0,0.11584293016155495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944263742585235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886132977925473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096580241664127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931380514765482,0.07974065691719777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862365852436878,0.0,0.05831633596421915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927193441621968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306020489672569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056770569069825,0.0,0.11076466359641944,0.0,0.2469798366271011,0.0,0.06134289947713247,0.0909844065672966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883982144325935,0.054531419677616266,0.11187159084582064,0.09856164792958484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184535599572895,0.0,0.4029621277825643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307268582197573,0.08909324437204999,0.0,0.0,0.08276409599224359,0.08608747658037379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107101469106349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127188611069065,0.08489130161682945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252417573311752,0.21103212251326375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441590789137905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150600841236986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923324145719892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959829618770655,0.07415472340549595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508595366882113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140945179325052,0.10903557285994064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583579549878232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187899537015745
suicidewatch,dm_me_reasons_to_liv,2018/01/20,"How do you cope? I've tried therapy, drugs, cutting, eating less, eating more, exercising , making friends, getting a girlfriend, getting a boyfriend, sleeping more, sleeping less, drowning in school so I can think about anything else and it all leaves me empty. Life is just too hard.",5.350000000000001,8.556492333333335,4.133166666666663,82.52850000000002,73.58333333333334,5.506666666666668,34.6,6.742157984588678,2.4626200000000003,224,12,34,2,5,65,41,48,0.098,0.8320000000000001,0.07,0.1689,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,3,7,2,2,1,6,7,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,7,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042897373123896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26835968172192576,0.4735760787872917,0.19331159593644254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878515942660916,0.0,0.2418021398476413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729601356730268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450275396204337,0.0,0.0,0.16345023409806514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446656145178542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419713587233146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631500139198085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646350861263091,0.0,0.0,0.1482768301175478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711076522739512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brebitch,2018/01/20,"Oh, I am done I am in this weird done numb place. I've been here for awhile tbh. All week I have thought about dying and rn I am drunk and it sounds great. Bc who would miss me? My fake friends that text me every once in a while to fill their conscience? Or my family that let me get abused? So yeah, I think I'm going to try to kill myself again (not my first attempt) and hopefully it's my last 😊 I hope you all get what you're looking for in life. ",-0.5163636363636357,1.4021102929292937,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,87.48484848484848,4.4080808080808085,15.06060606060606,5.565023196281405,-1.1659575757575755,345,6,90,2,11,110,72,99,0.181,0.6809999999999999,0.139,-0.5606,0,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,1,1,2,4,9,1,0,1,1,9,3,0,0,2,12,19,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,7,3,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,5,0,1,4,2,16,4,9,13,2,11,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,3,5,54,23,0,0.0,0.2361233781872819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206829205440218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078810882295864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790851193555933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878707403909502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951404557323174,0.0,0.0,0.15396920969587946,0.0,0.2082392324649111,0.0,0.11325981238041713,0.0,0.0,0.21971543136999705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39587537481354695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204823518280232,0.0,0.0,0.16244610259356987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037852111807203,0.14076282085939176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673515054899508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122349337124342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082132668285599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276955336932241,0.0,0.1582122009231753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530329046526318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985660015521144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156828908987776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BladeRunner_Deckard,2018/01/20,"Up and now down. I was on prestiq and it was helping. 
However I can no longer afford it. 
The depression is coming back and with force. 
The thoughts of suicide are fairly constant, however I kinda doubt I would act on it. I had 2 half brothers that committed suicide. Every once in a while I ask myself if what they did was maybe the right thing. 
I fucking hate this pain and never ending sadness. 
Since I was about 10 I have had issues with depression. My biological mom died when I was 6 of breast cancer. It happened to be in January so every January this horrid depression sets in. 
I am losing my desire for the things I loved and that scares me.
I don't know where this river is taking me, but I can't seem to claw out... ",2.133812807881774,4.2941873517241405,3.9113546798029577,85.46732758620693,78.93103448275863,6.6256157635468,23.46059113300493,7.7094869923839395,1.2540246305418723,566,19,111,9,14,190,98,145,0.21600000000000005,0.723,0.062,-0.9626,3,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,11,2,2,5,0,18,5,1,0,2,20,28,10,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,10,0,1,9,0,20,1,16,17,0,20,0,5,0,3,6,10,1,4,7,87,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163626977615705,0.0,0.0,0.12472274635581936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972201144850693,0.0,0.17528192425322595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191110874099092,0.0,0.16833928543451188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366216038334004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27332309146035155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995243857221802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343402646726824,0.0,0.0,0.16014015014042216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087200763712088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929595998001595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914156306354053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146170519088145,0.0,0.0,0.14639295758810078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295295328537665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899681393514684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509960057286135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273903368409382,0.0,0.0,0.17259356215193555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851897812822758,0.0,0.0,0.16239174383007307,0.0,0.0,0.1476619228220068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417454712009794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35484367435321745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195515105916005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155186014764304,0.0,0.0,0.12876967154489632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522311162416905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iruinedmylife369,2018/01/20,"The love of my life hates me What’s the point it it’s over. 
What’s the point when she tells you she’s dead to you.whats the point if she never wants to speak to you again what’s the fucking point. My entire existence for half of a year was to make US happy to be there for her to make sure she was always okay. And now she thinks she can just be dead to me. When you already know the outcome of the end why keep reading the fucking book. Just fucking why",0.18240259740259648,2.2976319897959168,1.1294434137291276,102.83308905380336,86.24489795918367,3.9717996289424864,17.072356215213357,4.851557810540192,-1.0321346938775509,357,8,87,1,11,110,54,98,0.106,0.7829999999999999,0.111,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,3,0,0,7,8,4,0,9,1,5,5,0,2,2,12,16,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,15,4,13,12,0,12,0,0,0,4,14,5,3,1,7,58,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425366473688464,0.0,0.1313907938305964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985822196104425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379458316958145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680943238930565,0.0,0.1558999015708203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035448441781412,0.0,0.0,0.08678124065257233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115339766458843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251671213392567,0.0,0.2108075274728215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178716829449955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970904396546715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794915505097304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882493524299642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801717399797597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118006008810054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994198476118693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931372996945341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28497197256510465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168655945922617
suicidewatch,Lonyrony,2018/01/20,"I'm gonna kill myself and soon I keep getting closer. I have a good plan too, take all my meds and pour it down with vodka and wait. I just can't do it anymore. No one would miss me. Everyday I do a great disservice to the world by staying alive. I'm the biggest screw up ever. I can't live after my friends killed themselves, I just can't do it. But I don't want to ruin my friends lives, having them feel guilty forever. I'm stuck, but not for long. I'm gonna do it one of these days. There's no way in hell I won't.",-0.04951048951048875,1.4692854786324825,2.173566433566432,98.42370629370632,83.1025641025641,5.28018648018648,19.18337218337218,6.11248444174946,-0.3426683760683762,399,10,102,3,11,135,76,117,0.204,0.688,0.108,-0.8743,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,4,0,4,0,12,1,0,0,2,16,26,5,2,2,5,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,1,1,14,4,10,21,1,14,1,2,0,1,3,6,2,0,6,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726125084783625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347808237793315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904280709677665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567128089987106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229292643391151,0.0,0.10918829530797317,0.0,0.0,0.17529032831050834,0.0,0.2304114658911681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575931234780396,0.4624314420799872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690828013193092,0.18494897393238974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23214002406533005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832331472708179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275481090737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713396150368072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232673171573568,0.1658859965754659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846001853175994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GODSPITT,2018/01/20,"fourteen's too young to want to die i can't fucking take it here anymore. every single day my mom has to remind me how stupid and lazy and no good i am. she used to listen to me cry when i was younger and did nothing to try to comfort me, sometimes she'd even close her door on me and leave me to cry myself to sleep. she gets this sick thrill out of pinning me to her bed and telling me to stop yelling whenever i begged her to stop, telling me how i ""used to love it"". i remember before this past christmas, my counselor had convinced me to tell her about my sexually abusive father, to which she didn't believe me. she smacks me sometimes, then teases me for flinching when she raises her hand. everyday is harder than the last, and i'm truly scared that this might be my last year. i'd much rather go back to my dad than stay another day here.",6.210459770114943,5.106871540229887,6.1913793103448285,85.10821839080461,66.35632183908045,8.882758620689655,32.55172413793103,7.3871296695380915,1.921786206896552,664,23,144,5,9,210,106,174,0.185,0.7040000000000001,0.111,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,3,1,1,0,11,5,2,4,0,18,21,11,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,7,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,3,35,5,23,14,2,19,0,0,0,2,20,3,1,1,14,96,42,0,0.0,0.16894906948556326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952091150779373,0.0,0.0,0.1414136734982859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964500853602402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133591176403916,0.16065317841335888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132628390751486,0.1839210303883909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798874245246316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418115410538347,0.0,0.12014052597417182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182468224635374,0.07449881673179788,0.0,0.08103873516752695,0.11960001762851638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246421498316694,0.0,0.15098511353065755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869550706146865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126835401554334,0.0,0.16700288335009472,0.0,0.0,0.10482206433061468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682157129274716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612089659357665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152976760964427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427601993916278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426957099225109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820557144027179,0.0,0.0,0.1519848788472001,0.0,0.23842781625485254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072119879460127,0.0,0.37389699618180217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681110442317206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24630867409378845,0.0,0.0,0.08410488728690453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182504377903107
suicidewatch,Throwaway245567,2018/01/20,"Tired of everything So, I never thought I'd make a post on here but I'm desperate. Let me start this by talking about myself and the shit that been going on. I've always suffered with depression ever since grade school even telling my mom one time back in grade school how I didn't think life was worth living. Anyways, currently I'm 21, high school dropout, have never worked a day in my life, stay inside for months at a time. I'm afraid to even interact with people or to get a job, cause I don't wanna fail, I know it's normal to fail but I hate failing, and I just get so nervous being around people now. I freak out a little inside if there's a bunch of people around. And no one in my life truly gets my pain, not even those closest to me. Being 21 and never having worked or just accomplished anything I just feel like a failure and that I got no purpose in life and always wonder why I'm picking to stay here when I could easily just pick the option of leaving. I have a gf who I'm in a long distance relationship with and she used to be a big help with my depression, but now all we ever do lately is fight and things just never seem to improve between us, and not even she can see how bad my depression is. I thought I conveyed it to her, but no, she can't see it. She doesn't even make any attempts to help with it anymore, she's just given up on me. I don't blame her tho, everyone I've ever had in my life eventually gives up on me. I just feel I'm hopeless to save. Idk if I even want to be saved anymore, like I feel the best option is just leaving so no one has to deal with me and my problems anymore. And so my parents don't have to keep spending money on me, my family isn't super well off, and yeah, just every penny towards me is a waste of their money. It can go to such more important things. If I could I would trade places with a homeless person, or just anyone less fortunate, they deserve it more than me. I don't deserve the things I have or things I get. I don't deserve any of it. I'm just a burden to everyone who comes across me. And I feel no one will miss me if I'm gone. Sorry for ranting I just had to get this out there. I just hate feeling so helpless, I'm surrounded by people who love me yet I feel so alone. I just have this empty feeling that never goes away. I've been given every tool I need to succeed in life and I manged to still fuck up my life, and I had the chance to live a happy life together with a gf whom I love so much, and now the relationship is just broken and beyond repair and I don't see any reason to keep going anymore. Everything around me just goes to shit. Anyway I'm done ranting.",2.9465357142857163,3.778269153571429,4.388214285714287,88.53678571428574,73.53571428571428,7.028571428571429,24.357142857142854,7.1686216300943375,0.8491571428571429,2066,58,454,20,40,689,231,560,0.195,0.653,0.153,-0.9806,3,1,0,0,1,2,51.0,2,0,2,11,55,34,6,2,21,1,41,15,2,9,9,108,95,41,0,12,30,2,7,2,2,2,10,0,0,1,22,33,0,2,14,0,5,5,22,23,1,4,14,10,68,11,68,72,7,63,0,10,3,3,32,32,3,12,25,323,90,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361231087519767,0.0,0.0,0.10221226124847324,0.0,0.0,0.12530255553687852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436474490612529,0.0429460991212974,0.0,0.05054319957681426,0.16402972837239224,0.0,0.0,0.05770585253960474,0.04722797656555002,0.05128290406123235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445621107335071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309497542016745,0.0,0.05290765377757183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980773037386072,0.0,0.0,0.039610640872178284,0.06332103854361283,0.15870215492279235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285370215511768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340289075051405,0.16667297019133934,0.1034975330120357,0.117378356789699,0.11040017518249534,0.0,0.05790104959976752,0.0,0.2173896054795308,0.043878263119075486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567815451612316,0.16044635399953347,0.05891939591520541,0.10471873375256242,0.0,0.04912296410513935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538243832476806,0.0,0.12127852342922113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823366926898124,0.06489331061425065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094959888061039,0.10918534556694112,0.0,0.0,0.0337546740621861,0.0,0.06928412396040051,0.13006923887884958,0.0,0.06280582913401009,0.3470605398338202,0.06001314946165514,0.0615586990182395,0.108469483159507,0.05435452300030515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086739784590692,0.0,0.08199628544362729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193403846237291,0.04902463774217775,0.0,0.04515056420586936,0.045541947121542525,0.2368533878880185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601782889069476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647837822996855,0.0,0.06535491678015068,0.0,0.06819933500071818,0.0,0.0,0.1703228127109545,0.0536293339535597,0.06417053908917691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058823117640611836,0.0,0.0,0.05877038098152985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631497057431475,0.0,0.13188359583574194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864801192819492,0.14683070403963747,0.05591420999315101,0.0,0.0,0.12609292818272047,0.05080703041130244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687543525444058,0.04347319679382285,0.13093050732273334,0.04904987094922896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936684763729555,0.05368354598589869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632181419567347,0.03935527913848745,0.0,0.09752080045970192,0.07162867001213688,0.07059293756576446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388036559660018,0.05304692134786607,0.0,0.0,0.03622694456290833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055223708115045365,0.0,0.05542174770987342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660707072021951,0.08942858119804252,0.0,0.0,0.04363080973274373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Superpixelmonkey,2018/01/20,"I don't know what I'm doing here anymore All I'm doing in life is perusing what I think will solve all my issues,but in the end I'm still left empty.

I am drunk right Now, and these feelings will likely pass, but a drunk heart speaks the truth right? 

The ones I love are dying, and I'm sure by the time I'm 25 I'll be all alone fending off these dark feelings 

All I want to do is be normal and fade into the crowd but it seems impossible, I don't fit in anywhere, I'm just an extra in this shit game of life, and I don't want to play anymore.",1.639744990892531,2.355028803278689,3.4310928961748637,94.60725865209473,76.54098360655738,6.077959927140255,20.11293260473588,5.82211442006289,-0.2551504553734065,422,8,105,2,9,142,71,122,0.157,0.715,0.127,-0.5851,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,7,0,14,7,2,0,6,22,28,6,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,5,2,0,5,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,8,5,10,24,5,16,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,1,6,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043110517345848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029959081288764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086665872591054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995537801641515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546577633389645,0.14515038479507467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407668767448508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166130061854353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075346259170656,0.0,0.2870212226003373,0.0992624948882333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833760535927646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907127516529333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767865306429353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34702575827898324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496559615392275,0.0,0.0,0.2085592699509436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225819201430935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149283541858325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018824138883528,0.0,0.0,0.11847471020452915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967926574422602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hummusandpitachiphoe,2018/01/20,"another Friday another emotional breakdown I should be going out with friends or whatever normal people do on the weekend but instead i'm alone in my room thinking of ways to kill myself. My heart just feels so heavy everything hurts. The only good thing to come from this breakdown was me bleaching my eyebrows off for no reason so at least I look like a cool alien, a depressed cool alien.",6.258493150684931,7.625175671232878,5.945095890410961,78.443397260274,66.26027397260273,8.579726027397259,33.77808219178082,8.841846274778883,3.004750136986301,316,14,53,5,5,98,61,73,0.221,0.605,0.174,-0.8174,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,4,2,4,1,1,1,0,11,10,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,4,7,5,11,7,1,10,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,1,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23053652166055924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668108787803354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174191761453832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917167828709333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25038423690689177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004989621601899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254839287485087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197278865231228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265032522786228,0.18669826437087086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637706923131979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382876238365569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246263294897591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087464245555302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691987275323266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180913287572624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929002731400822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431615461534792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22886000061332976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478791691455277,0.14262693866549572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668189650036206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsanya,2018/01/20,"my ""single"" tendencies ruined my life by making my friends dislike me. I do not want to live anymore. There are many factors to this (I've been depressed for a very long time) but the last straw is my group of friends. There are three of us and we have been good friends since college (we graduated about five years ago). In that time they all got married, and I have remained single. I'm not a mopey person about this, I have a lot of hobbies like video games, writing, and photography (and of course a job). However, these friends constantly try to set me up and make me feel bad about myself for not dating. They are aware I have issues with social anxiety but tell me I use it as an 'excuse' to not meet people. Whenever they try to set me up with men, it is always with these ""macho"" type guys that I don't gel with (I get along with people who I guess would be described as more ""geeky"" or whatever. It's a stupid label, but you understand this point). After a recent bad date with one of their picks I told them that I was done with their behavior, and all of them came at me telling me that I would be single forever and that I need to take what I can get when it comes to dating because I'm too old to be so picky (which I'm not! I don't care about looks at all, just how someone behaves) and told me I needed to ""act my age"" and date men with money in mind so they could take care of me (which is dumb to me. I think this concept is ridiculous!) The most embarrassing part is that they kind of make fun of me because I've never had sex, and almost act like I'm some loser person because of this. This fight between us hurt my feelings, and now I am sure we won't be friends anymore. Everything is so messed up, I wish I could be better and be like my friends but maybe they're right and I'm immature and too old for what I want out of life. This is all there is for me in life, this is the ""peak"". It will all be downhill from here. I'd rather end things now than have to experience this bleak future.",5.228702985856471,4.57698157590362,5.578522786799374,87.20472498690417,68.18072289156626,8.663174436877947,28.40492404400209,7.7425588080867325,1.4115563122053434,1554,43,352,15,23,497,202,415,0.11,0.763,0.127,0.8789,2,0,0,0,1,1,54.0,5,1,9,2,19,28,4,1,10,0,40,4,0,6,7,74,71,26,0,10,12,0,2,3,6,4,3,0,0,5,28,29,0,0,4,2,1,4,9,12,0,3,9,3,55,16,55,49,13,39,0,4,1,1,38,11,1,6,25,244,83,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986753939028632,0.0,0.0902213733822669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496978482332295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892567147607838,0.0,0.17870847005790624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045820278799993,0.16477098007659824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796854553516253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304952708391968,0.18372435859582847,0.0,0.0,0.07761251675215583,0.0,0.09736526937609433,0.0,0.1438738223286279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760234281244888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220280362379296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980118317658264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097538667859637,0.08813434475467949,0.0,0.0,0.09111376517041007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176626928398005,0.0,0.09414626768340983,0.0,0.0,0.07557096722174413,0.07206059241549405,0.0,0.09925447000162584,0.08921241232034086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645309918108336,0.0,0.0,0.09404019734473767,0.08940959249574296,0.0,0.0,0.09382449291918228,0.0,0.07344290544039493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091927187255472,0.13205381174689773,0.0,0.07955927902423507,0.07973499155059742,0.07566066896512111,0.0,0.0,0.07659915130028988,0.0,0.0,0.18042582565735948,0.09134648704726553,0.09051679606928326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097454731877164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361488864187296,0.0694900878143131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908799070983906,0.0,0.061053576357616025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756869608915772,0.0,0.1249269360003923,0.15734236098906595,0.0,0.0,0.08517290381601697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896212918656032,0.0,0.0,0.07694425809515824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453102183480488,0.0,0.0,0.09184482803363063,0.07634079310243475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491746678917046,0.0,0.1354868299770945,0.0,0.1575014129207871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059857931095041485,0.05773195451574624,0.0,0.0,0.10507518202608827,0.0,0.0,0.17218736859850864,0.0,0.12234293847327984,0.0,0.0,0.09379648566435188,0.2167565825779353,0.07781681435109937,0.0,0.07434130840410856,0.10628573149694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360967869809112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800782909516156,0.0,0.0,0.05802095610984115
suicidewatch,Stubbybobster,2018/01/20,"Don't care if I die I'm not actively suicidal or even passively. I don't specifically want to die, but I don't feel like it makes any difference whether I'm dead or alive and don't care about dying. I've never really seen people talk about feeling this way but since it's the internet I can't be the only one.",2.7040298507462666,3.755414626865672,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,74.37313432835822,9.53910447761194,25.34029850746269,9.888512548439397,2.251450149253731,248,8,55,7,5,87,46,67,0.249,0.588,0.162,-0.7369,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,15,7,5,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,3,4,3,3,13,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385580361716222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154765548145104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6343858002120975,0.2128769961196955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457597251861794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604580436967615,0.14556014302385406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954271201715822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600573710277972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714575083842006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806731866170138,0.1549622298403943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125566519777286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052845579611308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854538187204135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228711178179293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376777228444125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017793907621005,0.1617284909721338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifes_throwaway,2018/01/20,"Worries aren’t enough anymore 

First off, I want to start by saying that I have experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, and I still have quite serious bouts of depression and self harm sometimes, but for the most part I no longer have suicidal thoughts. But this post isn’t just about me, it’s me seeking advice. Recently I found out that my girlfriend is suicidal and has already planned how she is going to kill herself. She suffers from severe anxiety and she seems to self harm quite a lot as I notice new cuts on her arms every time I see her... She often has panic attacks seemingly out of nowhere, sometimes I think they are because she struggles to deal with social situations though. We have a great group of friends that make her happy when she is with them but she believes that none of them truly care about her. She also has a very difficult relationship with her family which makes her feel like they don’t care either. As much as I try to help her I’m scared as hell that one day maybe it won’t be enough and that she’ll go without telling me, she doesn’t want me to blame myself but I feel like it might push me over the edge, Maybe it sounds selfish but I want what’s best for her and just need help on how to help her, she refuses to get professional help which I can understand as because of her anxiety she struggles to trust and open up to people, but I feel like at this point there isn’t much I can do other than encourage her to see a professional. Hearing her say “I don’t want to be here anymore” completely broke my heart and I feel like I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she was gone. 

I’ll probably delete this post when I wake up in the morning but for just now it’s here.",5.777238372093022,5.707835270348841,5.799395348837212,84.1188604651163,66.93604651162791,9.321860465116279,30.57209302325581,8.982922981607832,2.197787674418605,1359,46,286,21,20,428,173,344,0.222,0.612,0.165,-0.9786,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,4,5,18,28,4,4,8,0,28,3,3,4,0,55,57,27,4,7,13,0,4,4,2,4,0,4,0,2,18,16,0,1,11,0,0,4,11,16,0,2,5,11,58,12,47,45,10,30,1,3,2,0,49,13,1,7,15,202,76,2,0.08315631209032512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125938575967663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176505820436646,0.06650007273508493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272287022805269,0.0,0.1649374336519663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460230983773596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138263204255643,0.0,0.0,0.09368868759304266,0.08726741920203915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956680450753428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718781111166124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362894194820242,0.08573050638371446,0.0716224097532593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184539894538994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006277943843066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839237031650585,0.0,0.1681853198419287,0.2376275438909803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073271658360884,0.0,0.09117660406960798,0.06424636044283424,0.0,0.04344574091698372,0.0,0.09451929699779182,0.0,0.0,0.09168012764715394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885214405054913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372320734247226,0.0985406302090676,0.2229516925372637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200013869530216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625038947990598,0.0,0.07342854707001899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069652284133326,0.0,0.0,0.11101496807927566,0.0,0.1670833849254978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821570604480218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225891494857792,0.06165935174517152,0.0,0.0803128843966149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946740124711607,0.0,0.0,0.0563488691746765,0.0,0.0,0.0975660152096466,0.0,0.09005018247036556,0.07938210922305669,0.05765011644728296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860959342076859,0.0,0.1592815209095189,0.0,0.08965656902435508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768939476416803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821068261369562,0.0892787588039629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322584740484015,0.08325397513835005,0.0,0.13252962890393782,0.15140476678873765,0.17350033845599275,0.09394296315887728,0.0,0.0,0.09347117890242272,0.0,0.08476738805477235,0.0,0.0,0.16448743791745193,0.0,0.05885846570072158,0.0,0.06640873825272102,0.0,0.0,0.1738660651357302,0.0,0.2728785258336454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268228202976544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053283207082763365,0.08170065442108697,0.1320336462990426,0.048489114305216116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645767738564573,0.0,0.0,0.08656865355088532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861266630803743,0.19619098950651426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015971741515643,0.0,0.0,0.08444927143117119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoMyRuby,2018/01/20,"Any support chat group available? I always have suicidal thoughts but I'm not actively suicidal so to speak. I just wanted to know if any of you have or know about any support group that's chat based. I'm already doing therapy but it's not enough, I've tried 7cups but I feel my problems are a bit dark for them
Any reply is appreciated
Hope everyone reading this gets better ",2.480540540540538,5.076177256756759,3.8039864864864867,84.26516891891896,80.48648648648648,6.943243243243244,26.817567567567572,8.07648339933343,2.000248648648648,303,13,57,6,8,99,54,74,0.16899999999999998,0.632,0.198,0.373,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,16,6,2,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,6,4,5,15,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995317171815061,0.0,0.15045095754196106,0.0,0.0,0.4918363474260701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599144653819192,0.1974010405189904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682823403735974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277463543030602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142452020801982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446736545497113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958817492970042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987402674451076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301368712081194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086199898450447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955602993627949,0.4103690545777216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677550173090956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354537929410918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276020456227801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664823244756284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eternal_Nocturne,2018/01/20,"Someone in Portland needs help. It's far for me. Is there any way anyone else can help? They just want to talk to someone in person for a little bit. And if you meet them, you could potentially get them into a care center. I know it's a long shot, but I'm really sick so while I'm willing to make the drive if anyone else could do it that would really help me.",2.1139393939393933,3.274970025974028,3.820194805194806,90.5312445887446,76.01298701298701,6.691774891774893,19.326839826839823,7.1686216300943375,0.14891515151515167,280,5,64,3,6,94,54,77,0.062,0.804,0.134,0.384,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,0,13,15,6,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,8,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,2,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628802120838292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25970314109283155,0.3805602258022781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274538001985587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934200215211688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965459537883929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31027093227309843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702492883668556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373429103392106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206043226132283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861285171846597,0.0,0.16434601331208593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239617411322358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770036116135767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215333601217588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793900158139064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31470010231346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926530767143598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953557468177036,0.14740661503451413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192185748947394,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bunny809,2018/01/20,"Don't know what to do One minute I was trying to sleep and now I'm crying wishing I was dead. I'm so tired of living this life. Talking doesn't help, medication doesn't help, nothing helps, I feel like dying would probably be the only thing to make this stop

People always say to me stuff like ""it will get better"", ""it's going to be okay"", how do they know that? It's not, I know it's not. I'm just so tired of being like this",-0.8420967741935499,1.2454698709677423,1.5163709677419384,97.99455645161294,92.22580645161293,3.9602150537634415,13.126344086021506,5.46131890053228,-1.208339784946237,330,5,78,2,12,111,58,93,0.274,0.688,0.038,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,1,12,5,1,2,0,13,23,4,2,2,3,0,1,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,11,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,6,5,7,16,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556902435670802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472545397179072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216988395747792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156624991373907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845791629641038,0.1249814038881984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140202526789104,0.0,0.0994258008973007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517876977932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884371157056955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356948070424438,0.25640922651548104,0.0,0.1544804570717944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677776351984635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623961435114605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786533350608873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854788652269214,0.13305425944741112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128547675778135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886212966894767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912402150033332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507226901216094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626262699144615,0.0,0.0,0.200271228859186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061490780754468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622629903568167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021492107660745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877679942965272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011791800861755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427656578791392,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,revenger002,2018/01/20,"Honestly i want to live, but i have been depressed my whole life, and the past year i’ve been lying to my parents about going to college etc, while i am in my room thinking about dying, but now they found out, and i cant wait anymore, i have to do it,  my parents they love me so much, it’s been a week since i turned off my cellphone so they won’t be able to contact me, they r so worried about me.

i have a rope packed, suicide note done (never thought i would actually write one but i had to tell my parents it wasn’t their fault it was mine and how much i love them), i hope it’s painless, i have a belt to put around my neck so it won’t hurt as much, i just need a place, i’ve been reading on hopealllost about how to do it etc.

i didn’t won’t to write here but i wanted to tell u guys something:


i was too dumb and stupid for hiding my depression and think that it will just pass with time, i didn’t try to get any help, now my life is so messed up beyond repair, 

GET HELP Don’t let it destroy ur life as it did to mine.

just GET HELP ok? before it’s too late 

thanks for everything and i know saying this is stupid but don’t try to talk me out of it
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suicidewatch,aQuickCarCrash,2018/01/20,"Passive suicide. I’m not in any danger of doing anything. I don’t require any help. I just needed somewhere to put this.

It’s always passive. I seldom want to pull the trigger myself, but I fantasize about being killed a lot. Maybe getting nuked. Maybe getting into a car crash. That’s it really. Just wanted to get it off my chest. If you read this, thanks for listening.",0.9443939393939402,3.5249795000000006,2.6960606060606085,87.39136363636364,94.27777777777777,4.284848484848485,21.823232323232325,6.11248444174946,0.6909277777777785,292,11,51,3,11,96,56,72,0.17600000000000002,0.682,0.14300000000000002,-0.6768,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,12,12,2,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,9,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,34,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933698403187894,0.0,0.0,0.31607082307279594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123988280838988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642477190935075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576832880256894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25710875196476146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757247123488966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669406066279787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231668559394034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23361945164012626,0.0,0.0,0.23245618661892914,0.0,0.1488770972720676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542005487166911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395652549069216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27414317616309875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nastrond,2018/01/21,"Is a heroin OD really not painful? How many mg/kilos do one have to assume in order to get a proper OD without return? Must be intravenous right?

I would like to hear from people who have direct experience with this.

Thank you.",2.1311363636363647,4.757308022727276,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,82.4090909090909,6.247272727272727,17.89090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.7165872727272724,179,4,32,3,5,60,39,44,0.067,0.753,0.18,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,7,10,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214553066135061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716913958396501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703808003170125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054807639684782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331710592911208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268272558804636,0.0,0.3496769046868109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278250699433477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052362416552128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806413339427997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302550922777927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31677981506675185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334435915150413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidalthrowaway-19,2018/01/21,"i want to leave. i have been reading about narcissism and i feel like 90% of this could apply to me. love-bombing (a miserable relationship that ended), having idealized fantasies of myself, unsure of what i feel constitutes any real empathy. the more i read it the more i am terrified of myself and i just want to die.

this has only been a fraction of the long spiral of self-hatred i have been traversing down. the end of my last relationship has caused such a complete breakdown of all mental functions and destroyed what i thought was a solid grasp on myself and my life. it has lead me to suicidal ideation - which i havent had since i was 15 or 16, it was so long ago i dont even remember. i can't function as a normal human. im at my rope's end. i really don't see anything in my future.

i don't deserve anything that comes my way. i don't deserve to love someone again, i am too fucking terrified of hurting them and repeating my same mistakes over again. i don't deserve the love of my family and friends, who are the only reasons i haven't disappeared yet. i wish they weren't here sometimes so i would finally be justified in filling this worthless head with a bullet. how ironic, being afraid of loving someone but being too afraid to end it because of people i love. 

i don't know what to do. i am cornered. i have a therapist, but it's not enough. i don't want to go to a psych hospital again i am too afraid. i feel so sick every single night. i just want to vanish. i am constantly and soul-crushingly alone, all the time. i just don't know what to do. someone talk to me, please. in the comments, in pm, wherever. i need somebody",2.250673423642919,4.3258493504531765,3.9747977779943504,85.58291784426471,78.15407854984896,6.929578013838808,26.387389143358348,7.941651935203635,1.7246451807816001,1289,52,254,22,31,432,166,331,0.149,0.784,0.067,-0.9782,0,1,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,2,2,18,16,2,4,16,0,39,8,1,4,2,43,59,15,2,11,7,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,16,9,0,0,9,3,0,5,13,9,0,0,9,4,47,7,35,45,7,33,0,3,1,5,13,9,1,1,19,188,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582221018857983,0.0,0.0,0.10027295798656186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583871221410126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159343877244628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059018594175078064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945747501426457,0.0,0.08339906020415475,0.10151052379173847,0.1046245155072243,0.0,0.07730029943819472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048050450412599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346851378331055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430036266629239,0.10003758688130243,0.0,0.06394655243678136,0.0,0.08157229030548407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912702185161306,0.0,0.14686037841949975,0.06916590788368666,0.0,0.10605802084590707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748003834149779,0.0895055283172268,0.0,0.0,0.05502319202844092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936192049288856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036443367912952,0.0,0.10457870737395142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106415911244858,0.07891857587805133,0.0,0.10251496248132826,0.0,0.0,0.06838453604882103,0.047299775246461694,0.0,0.0,0.1713595600034793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43690449904000267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756851575657148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178839579187768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085596440070452,0.09485986206519473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472670071893916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712054635393526,0.0,0.0,0.10627572156925304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368590652438936,0.11019866111030288,0.06202329128183335,0.09954374717292794,0.0,0.2078899207151773,0.1096745081610844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715041745189605,0.0,0.10100098861385533,0.0,0.0,0.08008781878478907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460975625998893,0.0,0.0957542445857342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059018140865868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781763892802697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124117127014591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686168756309299,0.056454627413643564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228420118065816,0.0768486322997986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133448821236958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877584371733438,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayx12118,2018/01/21,"how to minimize the pain of my suicide for my parents? Hello Reddit, My name is Channah. I turn 28 on January 23 and have thought for a few years if things don't get better by the time I'm 28, then it is time to end my life. So here we are, it didn't ""get better"" and things sometimes don't work out. I have become an organ donor and am ready to go. However, I'm my parents only daughter, and I love them very much. I don't want them to be in too much pain. I have written them positive notes to read highlighting my appreciation for them and our good times. Are there way to make it so they won't grieve my death for too long? I don't want them to be sad.",2.4535211267605628,3.0677298450704242,4.074760563380284,91.14030985915493,74.49295774647888,7.370140845070423,24.059154929577463,7.554174236665415,0.7861414084507037,506,14,122,6,10,170,84,142,0.141,0.716,0.14400000000000002,0.3549,3,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,2,0,6,3,7,8,0,0,4,0,16,4,0,2,0,14,28,10,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,21,4,16,22,3,12,0,2,0,1,14,3,0,1,7,79,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547789309340432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970607391190378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874608140471554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548472139565982,0.0,0.09544487071739116,0.14086113507020329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186218567413316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486227029710234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515735161463012,0.0,0.11210207452420336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691225394086785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772687246918768,0.3574026170465245,0.0,0.3729577208717719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679866764040667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609816984814094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370044669540184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314538048086568,0.0,0.0,0.13332657670583692,0.29378364374654264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826718317472026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385691022543074,0.19811217628717406,0.13330393065657334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226321497147627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814864538532826
suicidewatch,31_LemonDrops,2018/01/21,"Child threatening suicide on Skype. How do I help? I can't figure out how to report this on Skype. A friend of a friend of my son is threatening suicide on Skype. My son's friend only knows this boy though Skype, not IRL. He's only 12 years old. All I have to go by is his Skype ID and that he lives in SW Arkansas. He said his mother passed away, and he has expressed that his dad is abusive. Also has a history of cutting. He lives in a different state than us, so I don't know if calling 911 would do anything. What do I do?",0.7346590909090907,2.607762303571434,2.6041233766233773,94.52724025974024,82.21428571428572,5.858441558441559,20.89610389610389,6.980632752743323,0.3364178571428571,406,12,94,5,11,135,68,112,0.177,0.723,0.1,-0.89,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,2,1,12,17,8,2,2,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,11,3,14,15,1,12,0,0,0,0,22,7,0,1,2,57,16,1,0.0,0.2213736774423229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494150906387743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375258741302505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755414024265446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078352141927246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520700120408746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330540723023698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618491640075536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523425155198384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536366980317536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299645418328091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605611371130188,0.0,0.0,0.2841989762955248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772668640719286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087431085299465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356838095807676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474432692441534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327250736696945,0.0,0.0,0.12031819816801895
suicidewatch,ghost1216,2018/01/21,Thanks for nothing I thought this was supposed to be a place for support and all the times I've posted very few people offer support. Thanks for showing me that the world and universe doesn't give a shit about me. I've already got a plan that I want to commit to so maybe this is what that sign is. No one cares about me anyway so why am I even typing this. ,1.6367428571428595,3.5459562933333366,2.4339047619047642,96.696,79.4,4.285714285714286,21.38095238095238,3.1291,-0.4033047619047623,282,8,62,0,7,88,51,75,0.028,0.7140000000000001,0.258,0.9471,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,5,0,6,1,1,0,2,7,15,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,6,5,8,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377691091335685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967919399447372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231147741711248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066920303706119,0.0,0.0,0.17232568377527546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646184485755807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674284720926606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600350816002985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937512270291034,0.0,0.22511328923682591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635428162510605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211699809258931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890103984529498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967393160469099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105379253541542,0.12563838280743786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777978745470466,0.12708583666756046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442211487245206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,real-__-change,2018/01/21,"It's time for me to go I have set March 1st as my big day. During these next 6 weeks I will do everything in my power to try and improve my life, but anything short of a miracle and I will be ready to move on. I just don't want to be here anymore.

I recently turned 21, and I was able to obtain a license to purchase a firearm. Even though I have been wanting to do this for years, it feels really weird to me because I thought the idea of suicide was really sad and depressing. But for the first time in my life, I am experiencing feelings of solace, knowing that I am now in control, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 I now have something to look forward to for the first time in my life, and this has given me a sense of comfort I've never had before.",4.818500340831626,4.028802288343563,6.024253578732108,84.12952283571919,69.06134969325153,8.96223585548739,30.994546693933195,8.167268648758528,1.966920109066121,595,21,134,7,9,201,96,163,0.111,0.807,0.08199999999999999,-0.7011,1,0,1,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,10,0,18,3,0,1,1,17,28,9,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,1,3,2,3,0,2,6,5,19,1,26,18,0,27,0,2,1,0,0,9,0,0,16,97,26,0,0.16849584668729953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710260372917468,0.0,0.0,0.138657725047073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271350421867116,0.0,0.14337755522537998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889824195524602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108665881799702,0.0,0.14512522585238835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492373079480215,0.0,0.0,0.11128991761478416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143320232763136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039312563764547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28664496223214764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095760072660703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021130152501292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260091079226387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35704079858827764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414940744539551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908441931499744,0.0,0.0,0.12995438440470253,0.0,0.1791972444956468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158855079412448,0.0,0.16636932111330285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297163347421494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430710829335287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554631387013072,0.13376688110100166,0.2947538496332093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439761954281713,0.18327509639539455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876643190604704,0.0,0.13515720469975598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850580091328677
suicidewatch,GlassyGoat,2018/01/21,"Today I got overwhelmed Suddenly the pain exceeded my ability to cope and I almost killed myself on an impulse. Completely out of nowhere. 

Anyone else go through this? I don’t feel safe in my own body. ",2.3255263157894746,5.2181331315789485,3.5213684210526317,83.35257894736844,86.10526315789473,7.2505263157894735,28.65263157894737,8.238735603445708,2.7536147368421053,161,8,28,4,5,52,35,38,0.175,0.6759999999999999,0.149,-0.4779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,6,3,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159383488205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206123882389016,0.32327795470508314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504612145329659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308069223370973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26356866952722474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953166884742287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931197803131654,0.0,0.25234269585230823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34906579656417674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357255855369091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990672123311744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrnndLm,2018/01/21,"I'm running out of hope I'm currently changing meds for my depression because it was ruining my sex life, which I basically don't have anymore. I'm going tomorrow to the doctor to get my prescription for the new medication, but I'm honestly stopping believing that I can ever go back to what it was. it's ruining my relationship to the point that I almost break up with my boyfriend to free him from this trap. I'm feeling useless, I'm feeling ugly, I'm giving up. I don't know what to do anymore. even if I break up with him and try to move on with my life I'm not sure I can anymore. I don't think I can even build a new relationship with anyone. even my relationship with myself has been absolute hell. I used to be an artist, basically. I study design and love art, drawing, painting, everything, it's my biggest passion. but not even that I can do anymore. I have no creativity, I don't have the will to make art as I used to. I try my best, go to stores to buy new, better things for me to use in my art and maybe bring back the joy of creating but I don't have that, no matter how hard I try, how much or what i buy to try to bring myself back, nothing works. I feel like a ruin from myself. I don't feel like me. I don't feel live I'm worth to be alive. all I feel is emptiness and the feeling that I lack life itself. I've been crying for hours because my boyfriend is feeling worse about himself because we basically don't fuck and it makes me want to die. we used to have sex with eachother at any time that we could, it was great. now I'm never in the mood, I'm always feeling like sleeping or idk fucking killing myself. I feel like trash, if I had a gun I'd probably have already killed myself. I wish I did. I feel like nothing and it fucking hurts. I want to scream and throw myself out of the window, but I'm afraid I will survive. this is my worst case scenario: I try to kill myself and fail.
honestly I have no idea how I'll manage to go to work tomorrow. I'll go with a puffy face, puffy eyes from so much crying, my boss will know that I'm absolute trash, will give me that look of understanding that will make me wanna rip my face out. I'll want to cry again. I'll feel useless again. I'll feel like trash again, just like now.
all I wanted was for this to go away. if had to choose between winning the lottery or getting better, I'd want to get better - and I like money, a lot. I just wanted to have myself back. 
last time I posted here I was 21 and doubting if I would make it to 22. now I'm 22 and I wish I didn't make it. it only gets worse, every day. every time. it only gets harder and harder. I wish I was in an accident or something so I didn't have the guilt of trying to kill myself. I used to dream about my future and all the things I've been working on for my whole life (22 should be basically the begining of my life), now I wonder with not that much hope if I'll even finish college. if my life will last long enough. I doubt it.
I thought of overdosing, but I don't think I have meds enough to make it work. my worst fear is that I try to kill myself and end up waking up in a hospital with everybody looking at me. I just wanted things to end. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. IM FUCKING TIRED, IM EXHAUSTED. IM FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF, WITH MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON. 
fucking hell, my mom just called me while shes away at the farm and now she's worried too. o swear all I wanted was for this suffering to end, for bad or for good. I wanted to throw up all the bad things I have inside, even if I had to throw up for 3 days straight. I wish I was dead.",1.9564660251790933,3.3223673232588737,3.694964393200795,90.43319814759865,76.8186596583443,6.6967996269763885,23.31230130134373,7.359569317364363,0.7620152007121361,2787,84,631,34,62,935,258,761,0.25,0.618,0.133,-0.999,1,0,1,1,0,5,89.0,3,0,0,11,32,58,13,5,22,0,62,25,5,15,8,128,147,40,7,27,24,1,14,8,0,8,11,1,1,0,39,33,0,1,22,5,6,13,19,33,0,0,18,18,105,25,94,117,16,78,2,9,3,9,16,25,7,19,45,408,144,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044758551719947186,0.0,0.0493253118735842,0.0,0.03719228455136271,0.0,0.0,0.03039614650021665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164183496711184,0.03125385387976982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399041217626968,0.13747989305831065,0.07464186144278567,0.08174238716647995,0.0,0.0,0.05035929606519594,0.046907752828500585,0.11859514351122535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564161610577914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728451640717134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03568768505971386,0.0,0.1472958351806014,0.057652974646499086,0.0,0.03849828864434865,0.0,0.04638942701963942,0.0,0.0,0.045750257492357886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876738018789985,0.09236988525790013,0.0,0.17713549162973027,0.04043186507932894,0.07531992054828324,0.0,0.08034329110332622,0.0,0.0,0.050297633331111084,0.29380821989651873,0.1915933952671764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661272523545926,0.1167641999167386,0.08575671496575757,0.15241728912016878,0.03749052932933618,0.0,0.0492796602246442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04004059382661677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887903222840234,0.04401848824557052,0.0,0.047850092127884256,0.0504585577491225,0.1448444055134975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472583585929035,0.0,0.049129661249054116,0.07286960857244519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100044401398225,0.17469732921183584,0.0,0.03946911880758229,0.03955628926292118,0.07507006018834975,0.0,0.0,0.038000608355314096,0.04034165527490177,0.0,0.17901741785913372,0.0,0.04490511002559437,0.0,0.09929871732931576,0.04502849363136641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234971215278158,0.0,0.047506859169383166,0.09857443389401672,0.0,0.03447382336203643,0.1295087089088223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577779891921293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798962760116785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225402116674692,0.0,0.042808291349108525,0.0,0.048191962334868485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396664834728226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473024171816509,0.0,0.0,0.03441067441899892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736949716009425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212729962673159,0.0,0.033607304231601284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878135764637072,0.05728129766188096,0.0,0.03548518852896501,0.07819122220525718,0.05137373127632887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242887210426975,0.0,0.0,0.04653215416007332,0.0,0.19302343664499075,0.0,0.0,0.2372761413821532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990367763014293,0.20560179872443,0.0,0.04847303243467079,0.1301625929537656,0.04539294947716032,0.0911020826100058,0.03175214932075107,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zilchlaps,2018/01/21,"Alone I honestly don’t know if I can keep doing this. I have no “real” friends (the only guy who occasionally hangs out with me calls me a fag, whore, bitch, ass and says it’s a joke. It really hurts my feelings when he did this. I made it clear I hated it and he pretty much stopped talking to me at all. He only talks to me now when he needs/wants something), I have no social skills, so I don’t know how to make other friends. I feel so alone. I know it wasn’t the best friendship in the world, but it was better than nothing, right?

I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I don’t know how I can keep going on living life with no one else in it. No friends, no one to talk to, nothing. I feel so alone I sometimes just stare at the wall in thought wanting to die. I just feel like I’m worthless. ",0.4424281805745558,2.2645724767441884,2.1454172366621087,97.701634746922,82.95348837209303,4.744733242134063,20.001367989056085,5.5289334501034215,-0.3776317373461011,614,17,148,3,17,201,93,172,0.225,0.63,0.145,-0.9199,0,3,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,11,13,2,0,6,0,12,3,1,5,2,32,30,12,1,2,4,0,4,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,12,6,0,3,10,1,0,2,10,5,0,2,5,6,20,8,18,25,3,16,0,2,1,2,16,10,2,1,5,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796221549490872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211688539371289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282194458424086,0.10805750054584533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475853929372765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596130515627862,0.0,0.0,0.12680263425006952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206497489275278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471097312851032,0.0872847858719597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28318584903835553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943720802842142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097653518403075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062658359629773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079527212861444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719682664520154,0.0,0.0,0.3357322382725372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629872387437383,0.05969054524841971,0.0,0.10788639907562493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560883503659232,0.08155550959048412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981570938696061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344683166387061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558346392016546,0.18584544874545275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430008656551415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390665839963344,0.07827107117155142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434029867092476,0.0,0.09716173805476973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245462237943362,0.0,0.0940594536941202,0.12083827120511698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214721295208776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294608839472618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699657166336967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412881797019647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tiralo314159265,2018/01/21,"I figure it's a good time to finish my life, if there is such a thing A friend of a friend type person, pretty well known in the community and at his alma mater just died in an accident at age 22. This was just a few days ago. Most of the people I know are grieving him and everything. I didn't know him well at all but a lot of people I know were really close to him. I know he was a great person and a few things about him but not much. Anyway all the talk of death around me while I've bad suicidal thoughts for probably close to 6 months now made me realize I should just do it soon. 


1. I was kicked out of college, which means losing my job on top of that because I worked for the school at a students-only position. That's literally the only thing I had in my life. Now I just wake up at 12pm at my parents' house, play skyrim until 4am, go to sleep and do it again. I literally have $3.44 to my name, no health insurance, no car, no job and ~$18,000 in debt. 


2. Everyone around me is grieving a death already anyway. It's way more courteous to do it now than wait. Sure grieving two deaths may be harder but how much really? You can only feel so much and everyone says it's the worst they've ever felt already and as fucked up as it seems it's better to do it now than wait for them to accept his death then throw another one at them and make them relive the whole grieving process. If I figure I'll commit suicide eventually anyway, now/soon is the best time.",3.7326699029126185,4.052930446601945,4.985014563106798,86.84062864077671,71.39482200647248,8.380647249190938,24.835113268608406,8.395991825355821,1.2597610355987054,1144,29,258,17,20,381,169,309,0.22,0.654,0.126,-0.9917,4,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,1,3,5,23,19,1,0,19,0,19,6,2,3,5,52,34,20,11,3,10,1,2,0,2,2,3,1,0,2,16,13,0,2,14,1,1,3,5,8,2,2,9,3,30,11,40,22,13,41,0,5,0,1,19,20,1,6,17,178,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630447355359503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397780372662941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392048621713935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934286172684324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071143371846924,0.0662270830524531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401295276770275,0.09608491617622206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006502634352457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275312145197057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827280237561983,0.0,0.20762394850335136,0.09764031851254784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054932599997499235,0.0,0.10431324429853786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787289748324558,0.10043766952384936,0.0,0.0,0.06174368534548056,0.09112365636634598,0.0,0.11977805873887555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548124052634308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125358145597759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156206088650634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882694905300555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534739487346575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154247673950552,0.0,0.09236344323290592,0.0,0.10279957585182882,0.07251930003124654,0.0,0.0,0.11834285924788462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671691392148231,0.0,0.2395928518842418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361855109811401,0.16525409410948827,0.0,0.0,0.12063395335752874,0.0,0.0,0.1506372037504473,0.18972380216554685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052785172721434,0.11713432416080002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919754342921994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863963853445576,0.0,0.10995138496745444,0.0,0.09890348931211453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872034213505302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23767317181809355,0.0,0.10239368831275864,0.0,0.0,0.0873222296848353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653051738375345,0.0,0.0,0.08624951910396683,0.1266999104494926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612733269191896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623486928015192,0.0,0.0,0.19536419904710248,0.0,0.0,0.12129478172578707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909258420892983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depresario,2018/01/21,"I don't think I'll do it, but I've thought a lot about how I would. First, I'd either sell or donate almost everything I own. I don't want my family to have to clean out my apartment and try to figure out what to do with all my stuff. I'd advertise it as a moving sale on Craigslist and leave any money I made to my family for the expenses. There are a few special things I'd leave behind for certain family members or friends - things with a special meaning or that have been in the family for a long time.

I'd make sure my credit card was paid off and my rent was paid through the end of my lease. Have my electric and internet services shut off. I'd verify that my brother was set up as the beneficiary on all of my assets. I'd even wait until after I file my taxes so no one has to worry about that. Even try to wrap up anything pending at work.

And I'd write letters to my closest family and friends. I know nothing I can say will take their pain away, but hopefully I'll at least be able to give them a little bit of closure. I'll keep it sort of vague - I don't want them to know the full depth of my depression and despair, or the traumas I've endured. It'll be more about how much I love them, and how sorry I am. How it's not their fault, but this was the only option.

I would try to do it in a way that wouldn't inconvenience or traumatize others. I think jumping in front of a train would be quick and easy, but it would affect hundreds or thousands of other people. Maybe I could overdose. It shouldn't be too hard to find some heroin in my neighborhood. I've never used before so it shouldn't take too much.

But I won't do it. I'm too tired. I'm too tired to live and too tired to die. So I'll just stay here, not quite alive, not quite dead, just ... existing.",3.6900022104332457,3.86991048806366,4.934127984084881,87.66557747568524,71.44031830238727,8.087046861184794,25.78790893015031,7.9370924344782425,1.2077463306808136,1382,38,314,17,24,460,184,377,0.139,0.7090000000000001,0.152,0.8197,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,5,4,22,14,0,0,15,0,34,5,0,8,5,71,56,31,2,11,17,1,1,0,2,10,4,1,2,0,21,14,0,2,8,0,10,3,12,5,0,3,9,2,34,9,50,32,13,35,0,2,0,1,13,21,0,12,8,213,55,4,0.09666685621017812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679789299604416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573677707066625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954858611103155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082169348778237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225637478447932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553517048525964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718061883014793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325902160649445,0.0,0.10032493501780702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561814235919002,0.0,0.0,0.1276950936799774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687793724683743,0.0,0.4556445445253438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883517553083441,0.08222477851009112,0.0,0.0,0.14936914663095785,0.0,0.0,0.09273165685618227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659451585873365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601199977727198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859219433733562,0.0,0.0,0.10625115223284637,0.0,0.0,0.2047124862688137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688558521692524,0.08535860505249193,0.08554712581744217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218270431040246,0.08724561185573251,0.0914685166528718,0.06452587715073413,0.0,0.09711484997169616,0.10529854527285024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274156990666623,0.14212252389102276,0.0,0.07455543883194411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275445565319512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550396352591896,0.07351950012321021,0.10286035052774954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701662660383784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056342010761029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687336398184184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821063129521047,0.0,0.10303400678556704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066042301793348,0.0,0.0,0.09110736797284083,0.0,0.14536289106272632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844232784071652,0.12388043644580755,0.0,0.07674268603826177,0.056367221230420136,0.33331299283377325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689134996285407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348912665001919,0.0,0.0,0.11403323268929147,0.07672965098784963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037462261771056,0.09816988480230003,0.0,0.2746774445764489,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoInstruction,2018/01/21,"I think its finally game over.. I've always loved playing games, either on my pc, playstation, old Terminator console when I was a kid. Then became a jock in school and playing games with girls, oh how immature I was... I became serious and started working, made a good living, but still couldn't stop playing games, so there comes gambling.. Lost all I had made, then I bounced right back up. Few years after it all came back, got in huge debt, legal problems that are still ongoing now, then try suicide ( failed miserably to be honest ). Tried starting off fresh, new place, new life. Found a nice girl that I promised the world to, of course I couldn't keep my promise, so I tried making more money, spend on giving her what she never had, and also continue paying my debts. It was never enough, so guess what, I started playing games again. All of a sudden I'm back where I was before, broke, alone and I can honestly say I'm done ""playing games"", I think its game over ..",4.881817047817052,6.084455535135138,4.885405405405408,85.38320166320169,69.32432432432432,7.422037422037422,27.744282744282746,7.61054688173877,1.530871101871102,754,25,145,8,13,234,120,185,0.16,0.643,0.197,0.4384,3,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,3,15,18,0,1,6,0,12,2,0,4,5,27,31,14,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,8,7,0,2,3,12,6,2,4,6,0,0,13,1,18,12,14,15,7,40,0,4,0,1,15,13,0,1,25,90,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108221273601138,0.0,0.10893460184398923,0.11334544986093513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31423292183102514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591267304587652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579869987368308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173409480478558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393997365713001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075104990795784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492216900726899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493575368161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306740571820243,0.0,0.11425436656061765,0.10894709493735527,0.0,0.15006102231125926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107805815411853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962157879493908,0.0,0.0,0.1202842224086016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869956223252484,0.0,0.12294332333776925,0.25778817246821256,0.09092750465563547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101215918586677,0.2631230831743662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293934163486816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232027610073292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303435652334626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163306199766287,0.0,0.10832713122248132,0.0,0.13786130125654952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892503690243375,0.0,0.21756997136952444,0.11388551463781015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490019100273842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745677774415216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774520848214162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916934272373022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772082495807841
suicidewatch,rg5ojroy,2018/01/21,"I feel like crap again Last week I woke up in the morning and it’s where it all started.
From that day, I feel dead inside, tired, dull all the time. My fucked up mind won’t shut up about all of the bad things that happened to me. I can remember certain bad parts of my life perfectly which I couldn’t remember before in such detail. I never paid attention to it but the more I remember the worse I feel.  And I literally forgot all of the things that happened in the past 2-3 weeks, can’t remember what I’ve learnt at school, people, and shit.

Here’s little info about me:

When I was 6-8 years old, I killed a frog at my grandmother’s house, attempting to kill a kitten also. I dropped a hamster to the floor just to see what happens. I never thought about how bad it might end up.

I believe I killed a lot more animals than that during this period.
At 12-13 years old my mom caught me with self-harm scars and told me that I should get help. I remember her talking something serious about it but I didn’t give a fuck. She called me mentally ill. That sounded funny, cause I know I am. I developed social anxiety, shyness.

At 14 years old I lost all of my friends, because I realized that none of them were truly my friends. They had another friends and I considered them my best friends. They never noticed my  self harm and I found out that they were friends with my bullies. I isolated myself from society and stayed home the whole summer (about 2-3 months without going out outside).

15 years old me went to school in which I had no friends in but there were my bullies, who ignored me like nothing happened. And I didn’t make any friends. 16 years old – exams and the last attempt to self-harm, silently. Scars faded away pretty fast. Still no friends.

I never got my first kiss, hug, boyfriend, best friend. I missed a lot of opportunities. 

Now I am ugly, overweight, almost an adult.  I even forgot how to socialize normally, how to keep the conversation, which doesn’t matter to me anymore. 

I don’t try to change something because I know that I’ll be misunderstood eventually. I became quiet and anti-social. People just ignore me. I have no phone numbers on my phone, except my family members. 

I can’t negotiate, deal with people.

I feel empty when I see my former unpopular classmates that are now popular and happy, with lots of friends and just radiating academic success. Good for them.

 Life is always easy for everyone but not me.

Luck has abandoned me and now I feel like I have to leave everything behind.

I know that I probably have a mental illness, but it’s too late for me now. The only choice is to end it.

I don’t want to live anymore.
",3.0802892976588656,5.123878503846157,4.181387959866221,85.21839464882945,75.5,7.290969899665552,26.688963210702337,8.18289091462,1.7843946488294309,2082,80,408,36,46,677,259,520,0.19,0.62,0.19,0.7036,0,0,2,0,0,1,74.0,0,0,6,9,26,43,7,0,20,0,28,12,2,5,11,82,63,24,4,4,11,1,5,3,10,3,6,2,1,2,27,19,1,6,18,0,1,3,19,18,0,1,19,9,79,25,56,39,15,66,0,4,2,4,33,21,4,6,43,273,106,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057796505911644924,0.0,0.0,0.04615727638642049,0.04802622094187258,0.0,0.0,0.03925040005501477,0.06052263434344645,0.04415431543091819,0.0,0.11448202082227354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422821078126911,0.0,0.1445770233963426,0.07036903834094836,0.0,0.049113993128919925,0.06502872056606858,0.12114351825401785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893680277190622,0.0,0.0,0.0592925583063792,0.061058272152233375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03722350659187315,0.0595049977413508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224250379518507,0.0,0.0,0.03812237027238018,0.0,0.0,0.05515227652847018,0.05187345569478004,0.0,0.05441164429548896,0.0,0.1459204473919835,0.08246788138184608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049095127488326507,0.0,0.06328509941306834,0.4459298905724279,0.10671921352781767,0.03015541169867072,0.055368619995726516,0.032802620628379284,0.04841134301153014,0.0461625699033899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041602876680532,0.06144216731631249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03868733698329232,0.0,0.05789612675647564,0.0,0.0,0.06659912944476377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130264672518384,0.19157012863420544,0.0,0.09516134842515248,0.09409618052408128,0.06510871796481238,0.061115309727384985,0.0,0.0,0.08153623627279642,0.08459468776813084,0.05784886556334483,0.05096628623649615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300630540088671,0.14721001692790736,0.0,0.0,0.038527390677283516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163328730904072,0.06122995897694573,0.05827899492995384,0.06759893543567767,0.046070169176230066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780635395182346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655164583284426,0.05538223280036045,0.0657126282801381,0.3028280540182484,0.0,0.0,0.0438973421008859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250325736469965,0.055098615758543586,0.12004373450087925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872022651046616,0.06223005278206267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269177188005171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682793304194275,0.0919879702249018,0.0,0.18063821765624105,0.0,0.059246970511587824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767300690288753,0.0,0.08886868189682817,0.0,0.0,0.040853285677618825,0.061519991788724686,0.04609388170469018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639175580058759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669090235936006,0.0,0.0,0.04582185593096712,0.033655985003724326,0.06633865595102195,0.0,0.05515227652847018,0.0,0.03918691381896399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034043728655953065,0.0,0.09259622278414736,0.0,0.0,0.05350541074296388,0.0,0.06444038263816237,0.0,0.05563834864554472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058819843960520535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584335435647667
suicidewatch,lizardfrizzler,2018/01/21,"loneliness sucks I feel massively lonely. I'm lucky to have one friend that I occasionally hang out with outside of work. I try to front like there's nothing wrong, but damn falling out my 6th floor window seems pretty attractive.

On occasions when I'm feeling particularly frustrated or maybe a little hopeful, I'll try dating apps. The only problem is that I'm way too afraid to actually talk to anyone. In the rare case that I actually send a message and get a response, I usually let the conversation just die fairly quickly. I certainly don't know how to actually maintain a conversation without being awkward as fuck, and at that point it just becomes a shitty experience. And then I look over at the window. I really just want to go splat on the street.

In middle school, I typically had a good amount of friends, but I used to get very frustrated with dating prospects. I was pretty much never successful at nabbing a significant other. I remember a conversation with my mom over breakfast where I was discussing my frustrations. She told that I should just remain patient, and things would come more naturally as I got older. Time has proved that this is objectively false. To be fair to my mom, I had a few worthwhile relationships in high school, but college was pretty barren. At this point, I've gotten significantly worse at merely talking to people.

It is a bit frustrating to always be the person who doesn't have a significant other. I'm the only single person in my family, and I'm the only single person of all of my friends. My mom is long past telling me to be patient, and she along with the rest of my family are definitely irritated with me and my relationship status. Sometimes I'm not sure if I ever want to be in a relationship, which my family doesn't take too well.

I think this latest bout of loneliness stems from violin lessons. I want to meet some new people and I like learning new musical instruments, so I decided to try violin lessons. The problem is that my violin instructor is super attractive. Someone that I could definitely see myself taking on a few dates. Except that I'm totally inept at talking to people. So instead of actually trying to setup a date, I'll just go back to dating apps because they are easier. But I'm also too uncomfortable to actually talk to people on dating apps. Then I feel trapped and frustrated. It's particularly frustrating in this situation, because I genuinely do enjoy violin lessons and I have a good instructor. Suppose I do actually muster up the courage for a date, if things go south, violin lessons would just be awkward.

When I was in college, I had to walk across a bridge to get to my classes. It wasn't high enough that a fall would kill me, but I always felt tempted to just jump off and mangle myself. Occasionally, I would stand at the bridge and wonder how dramatically my life would change if I just lean over a little more... But, I never actually did tumble off. At my last apartment, I lived on the 3rd floor. Still not high enough to kill, but certainly high enough to hurt. But now, I've got enough space between me and the road to do some real damage. It's scary that I want to make use of that space.

I'm afraid to make a long form post like this because I don't really know what I am trying to get out of it. I do like knowing that this is available for someone to read even if no one actually reads it. It's just the idea that my thoughts could be heard. I typically just make really aggressive self hate/loathing posts to briefly snapshot how much I want to kill myself and how I feel like no one would notice. I haven't really written anything this fleshed out in a while. It feels good to do some introspection, even if it doesn't really solve my problems. I've still got this window, and I'm still lonely. It's frustrating that loneliness has such an affect on me.",5.632439024390241,6.765722401084018,6.683202168021682,73.43652682926829,67.53658536585365,9.914840108401084,30.749159891598914,10.078955797065145,3.1433327046070474,3084,118,556,74,50,1033,298,738,0.17,0.679,0.151,-0.9819,0,5,0,0,0,2,76.0,0,0,1,7,36,49,14,4,37,0,52,4,1,10,9,117,107,43,4,23,28,3,6,5,3,7,1,1,3,4,41,26,1,0,22,2,0,11,14,26,1,3,18,9,68,23,90,72,21,97,0,4,2,1,31,51,3,13,36,384,109,10,0.0,0.0,0.3993212369875534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04090474559324725,0.08512202206152437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03576536466572003,0.0,0.04209220397716108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933129757653174,0.0,0.09354194515985753,0.056491306983673065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584270117170551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411006203748079,0.04406131335975343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167844357026444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053085766010608514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140705674815452,0.0,0.0675683653579723,0.046268226767816466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050034648333763865,0.14465938903657066,0.0,0.12931522924905384,0.03654166765926143,0.04911215234957776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185554054809189,0.04728747687278071,0.10689534048474787,0.0,0.08720940380206746,0.12870692281336565,0.1227283101815028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050500170042395286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617170974520855,0.0,0.050803626770176295,0.0,0.0,0.05475727892072309,0.05774227797141511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977014218614553,0.0,0.08433233180947422,0.04169418807785402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230447998935542,0.0361288540234456,0.12494686474155448,0.10253174857703466,0.04516650754873901,0.09053252221332143,0.04295323207887305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242933968843802,0.0,0.05138718705212977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971926462179053,0.0,0.0,0.07520247131759239,0.0,0.07890027698394883,0.09880224092958544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907993539565128,0.058234769303967725,0.0,0.0,0.10398196858698684,0.11670595092032444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048828592945453296,0.14184425668773976,0.13398697843624768,0.0,0.0,0.09670682415264983,0.0,0.09797538292122653,0.15611423255219126,0.0,0.14683131765315585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232795669217726,0.0582200534049236,0.16384043573646764,0.0,0.0,0.16474831224493938,0.057943133409813115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353333760983187,0.04076003627453866,0.04656516310718838,0.05336074768787703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749489641215527,0.0,0.0,0.08667868915422196,0.0,0.050588792798031135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225456949897258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820839821316792,0.0,0.07691707370866277,0.16445016839905016,0.044707473740786485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796375557482208,0.032774942048489485,0.0,0.04060749477016516,0.029826055869113445,0.0,0.0,0.04887614731421217,0.0,0.17363792513771575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835458983325156,0.05633464879977641,0.04220421939965647,0.15084837849390426,0.040600597425691484,0.0,0.0,0.04599011550151269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930690618573767,0.055470140999201584,0.03723790848910656,0.0,0.05212635886261791,0.21801353594581155,0.05592464446253975,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Another_Grey_Hair,2018/01/21,"Fragile I'm at a loss. Two years roughly since my last post. Two years of ups and downs passed by. 

But here I am once more, but this time is different. 

I've fallen apart, I've crumbled, I've broke beyond any visible repair. Every ounce of my body is screaming to just fucking kill myself. But I'm desperately trying to find the strength to not go through with this. 

Yep you read correctly. 

My reason I wanna live? I've been in a relationship with someone, someone so fragile, someone so amazing, they're perfect to me. They don't see their self worth though, they have issues with alcohol, depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide stuff... How could I hurt them further with suicide? Yeah yeah... You shouldn't live for anyone else but yourself. But that's not how it always works. 

For reasons listed above, that's why I can't talk to them about being suicidal. I can't talk to anyone about it until 30th Jan (appointment with my GP). I reached breaking point the other day. I feel like my ability to hold off this dying stuff is fading. 

I'm so lost. I'm so lonely. Every voice in my head is telling me to die. 

I'd really appreciate any company and/or advice. ",2.1843750000000037,4.783938901785714,3.3392214285714275,87.08077857142858,81.85714285714286,6.0840000000000005,24.138571428571428,7.404127859558343,1.2902548571428578,910,34,172,14,25,293,141,224,0.253,0.616,0.131,-0.9907,1,2,1,0,0,3,42.0,0,2,5,5,12,14,2,0,4,3,13,4,2,4,2,26,22,14,6,3,8,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,10,6,1,1,4,1,1,3,6,10,0,2,2,7,23,4,30,17,1,22,0,6,1,1,13,10,1,0,8,100,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757374305788717,0.0,0.11764733694604942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915995005217204,0.0,0.0,0.1497230875054095,0.0,0.08421468856035498,0.0,0.0,0.15394791899982144,0.1127950446995575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222795671135986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789387814377966,0.0,0.0,0.0709956882847256,0.0,0.0948160096455852,0.0,0.22850160433783195,0.115015346632221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196185334644087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855026434859222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566226046887672,0.07864471319536481,0.0,0.0,0.10061565367790598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177176616759401,0.0,0.0,0.06256381631608487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297892240270767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784822018070705,0.0,0.0,0.1149000910972627,0.0,0.0,0.12179269125375924,0.0,0.0,0.08973393042354387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053781947960818415,0.0,0.1944140626163559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017073155569352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723688331782033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406586421339926,0.0,0.10543095572285713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011474463843132,0.0,0.07052324047412416,0.2263713348481401,0.0,0.11819004254485033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772345565983809,0.0,0.22968523149707476,0.0,0.0,0.0910634116068277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798238730747796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520418696689196,0.3612452167785179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696423230146235,0.09621910206230916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815790845808404,0.0,0.06419142200755171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474045765852104,0.0,0.2150740083459969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933454844373744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014315768040177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417822023093421
suicidewatch,AnimeLoverNoFlame,2018/01/21,Life after death? Not knowing the answer to that question is the only thing holding me back. ,3.3223529411764723,6.312985058823532,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,80.76470588235293,3.4000000000000004,26.14705882352941,3.1291,0.7191411764705884,74,3,11,0,2,23,16,17,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015516607836232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699610727696784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688564128120727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971685934863135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5850011306335345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469369256259428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mythrowaway42069420,2018/01/21,"don’t know what to title i don’t know why im writing this i just haven’t felt like myself in months. 

it’s pretty much been getting progressively worse since my girlfriend of three years told me that she just doesn’t love me or feel anything for me at all and completely cut me out of her life. 

people tell me that everyone has had breakups and that i’ll feel better and there are other girls out there but it’s clear that they’ve never felt like this. there’s a whole lot of other things in my life that makes me feel like everything is pointless but i could forget about all that stuff when i was with my girlfriend. honestly i hate how stupid it would sound to kill myself over a girl. 

my dad told me it would be so selfish for me to hurt myself but that really just made me feel like it’s my fault for wanting to just disappear. 

honestly it’s not the girlfriend part that hurts me. i can and have met other girls in the last few months. what really hurts me is that she was my number one best friend ever and was the only person who could help me through times like this. so now that she doesn’t feel anything for me and doesn’t care about me anymore, i have no one.

my friends are tired of me being sad all the time and i’ve reached out to so many people but they kind of dismiss things after telling me some canned bs about other fish in the sea. and then they’ll stop replying because no one really gets what’s going on in my head

i cant even put into words the emotions im feeling about being so alone and surrounded by people. every day i wake up in pain. such immense pain especially when i have dreams where i feel normal. i wish i had never been born to disappoint my friends and drive the one person who truly cared about me to give up on me. im struggling to find any way to make this pain go away. 

i look to the future and every possible scenario, even the ones that people tell me in attempts to cheer me up, give me no hope at all. why continue living if the pain won’t disappear even in the ideal life? nothing will change and nothing has changed. it’s actually gotten worse. i didn’t think that there was worse but there always is. i wonder when the pain inside will outweigh the guilt id feel about hurting my mom when i kill myself. 

sorry for the wall of text. just don’t know what to say anymore ",3.743385127635964,4.759108932914046,4.229478973979528,89.72722253052164,71.83018867924528,7.121198668146504,23.673017634726854,7.285733465282438,0.7438203724257004,1839,46,395,18,34,580,217,477,0.21,0.634,0.156,-0.9889,0,1,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,2,5,32,39,5,2,16,0,40,12,2,4,8,73,76,29,2,10,13,2,10,5,6,6,9,2,0,5,36,17,0,1,16,1,0,6,16,20,0,6,16,13,58,19,54,49,11,52,0,6,1,1,33,24,0,6,26,272,94,0,0.0,0.0,0.06285663532742852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667112098745522,0.0,0.0,0.053595786083586984,0.0,0.0,0.0438022397721006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277584156753368,0.0,0.0,0.10601086325304028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605170160743287,0.0,0.0,0.03926484170380516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759622100616497,0.056967011831015574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313442668249851,0.0,0.13627830917053788,0.0,0.06753455760279782,0.0,0.0,0.10285517855927276,0.0,0.0,0.041540288980756006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245461698328783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276301796423284,0.05826417005278496,0.10853945645537516,0.06154824503931641,0.05788918179089723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605483731266779,0.09203162028212897,0.12369087799770555,0.0,0.058871227686472086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492932145483024,0.0,0.06730502475389791,0.12357935539529748,0.07321343231679743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359332744282592,0.06610510016497158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317387869451074,0.0,0.0,0.06397546126610422,0.0,0.0,0.2758167004475716,0.0,0.20872742470511407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252424936384875,0.06707498846032606,0.10619713926259416,0.052504222315921056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648789947349996,0.1573417847067367,0.0,0.05687680856489235,0.0,0.05408969811440872,0.0,0.0,0.05476061772018678,0.05813417359144784,0.06094801230855142,0.08599076706858451,0.06530346580038897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543833372760733,0.10282578489747872,0.0,0.0473500918808247,0.0,0.09935671791516074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310989816167943,0.12360973833823362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823554821533592,0.048988084232666734,0.34269353759277144,0.0,0.0,0.0697517136586764,0.0,0.17862015620650445,0.112483816531284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261463804932357,0.0,0.06552996752844252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475166000254723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379156509078085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512228568431469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328211508493826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210374814676238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385115757214862,0.0,0.06733720941819987,0.07373611239113455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688962837760293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558468929679756,0.0412724871987456,0.0,0.0,0.07511808913198607,0.0740319005679612,0.0,0.1230964900786328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03799175456133647,0.05112709688499674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116243280340548,0.0719134859101154,0.0740704030134088,0.0,0.0698518606353317,0.0,0.0,0.1969234126203834,0.09151260392939392,0.0,0.0,0.041479094002425616
suicidewatch,BishopAkula,2018/01/21,"Boyfriend broke up with me, uncertain about what I should do and feel like I might end it all It had been going on for 6 months until he decided to end it a few hours ago. It was an LDR and we had been spending every free moment with one another in some way, but over the past couple weeks he had been growing increasingly distant and less present. And then, when I asked him how he was feeling as I often did, he broke up with me.

His reasoning was the growing workload on his end, but also that the ""spark"" was gone and he just wasn't in love with me anymore. We hadn't even gotten to meet yet, we were planning on meeting this summer but now obviously we won't. He was gonna help me come out to my family but now he's obviously not going to. In my eyes he was perfect and was everything I wanted, but now he's gone and I don't know how to feel or what to do. I've got homework for tomorrow I'm not going to do because I now have no motivation to do anything. I've got exams coming up that now I'll likely fail because I won't be able to concentrate. It's weird, it's like I had forgotten what life without him was like, and now its hit me like a kick in the stomach.

I just feel like now that he's left me, there's no one else out there for me. I put everything I could into this relationship and yet it still ended horribly. He promised me that one day we'd live together, maybe have a dog or two, and that maybe we'd even wed. He promised me we'd spend our lives together.",3.670443037974685,3.799203765822785,5.1352911392405085,86.38660759493669,71.46835443037975,8.59848101265823,27.508860759493672,8.548686976883017,1.645367594936709,1154,37,265,18,20,390,152,316,0.095,0.78,0.125,0.8337,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,8,0,0,4,22,16,0,1,8,0,35,4,2,4,4,56,56,24,0,3,12,0,4,6,0,5,1,0,1,0,18,23,0,0,8,0,3,11,10,5,0,4,24,5,35,12,34,21,5,54,0,3,1,1,31,15,0,6,33,178,53,4,0.11297724046389135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014750701461712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034785838142118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846648729345205,0.0,0.0,0.11204306465006958,0.0,0.0,0.09297064261703293,0.0,0.10561846902732197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773975433990812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946397779422249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020313346869208,0.1250071677118389,0.0,0.07286097372530129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437798748472173,0.0,0.4002572065177982,0.0,0.0,0.14924080362533754,0.0,0.0951881977592546,0.0,0.203073317828854,0.0,0.10650488759244436,0.0,0.2284987494591977,0.161421926322648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926227079514729,0.0,0.1807164397326072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572626282492566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125982432487558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062089336748865465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275010233096215,0.0,0.07979916607358548,0.3311698379388863,0.0,0.19952194633722514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196637044462603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700164643839574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985099848692195,0.0,0.0,0.09017735547253204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966890603689194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784955966400524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357333118941085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615941952970857,0.0,0.12129527570627542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022377017311456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036234769812314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663690356497018,0.08967607482255135,0.09062352761804117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890602820496363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uglypota_toe,2018/01/21,"If I don't do it now I'll never get another chance.. My family is leaving doing there own family thing, and I'm always left alone in my house for hours. I have a perfect opportunity to go through with killing my self today.  I'm just really afraid I'm gonna fail and tbh I'm a little scared, but I know it's now or never. Spent 28 years of my life waiting for my time to come, when things got better just to have it end like this. Things don't get better.",0.9593939393939408,2.5937574646464694,3.241414141414144,91.41545454545457,80.41414141414141,6.420202020202023,18.070707070707073,7.3871296695380915,0.11702828282828293,355,7,83,5,9,122,67,99,0.083,0.764,0.153,0.8379,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,6,9,1,2,2,0,7,1,0,0,3,14,20,6,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,8,5,9,17,1,15,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,11,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451662238038974,0.0,0.0,0.14824065461504646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681284427851488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151302646115667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346623065245282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779396540927004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359005814264194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615905572947952,0.0,0.10125056395599824,0.0,0.14248819596848628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754484724829579,0.20556892364346524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971040035802852,0.0,0.09791026865420686,0.0,0.0,0.18864223216634413,0.1935677867709788,0.0,0.12583735304257684,0.0870383694973705,0.1785598269376072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27481087563815804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413175043437618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836594646982046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585630313814366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355078205586798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388461034035604,0.0,0.1688717298293993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472708018815007
suicidewatch,Stevienines,2018/01/21,"I wonder when Hi, 
I've thought about suicide for a long time. I'm a sophomore in college (20) and I have suicidal thoughts. I dont make attempts or hurt myself, but I feel so unattached to anything in life. I hate college, and life in general. I don't know when but I feel like at some point in my life I will kill myself.",1.4835784313725495,3.119184514705882,3.232941176470589,92.06990196078434,78.85294117647058,6.298039215686276,27.509803921568626,7.1686216300943375,1.2787568627450978,249,11,56,3,6,83,46,68,0.274,0.68,0.046,-0.952,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,14,13,8,3,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,11,1,8,10,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,3,5,34,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194595252927436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24488486187140515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130022349824887,0.14927210407155442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629235393664536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368257283566234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116940154417606,0.0,0.1148320571814422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427573017243164,0.1020811724907069,0.0,0.0,0.18491192306410967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947404915511508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752288338276167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571092058903742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317618802699007,0.12183894170494695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659460255908784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedditsBanHammer,2018/01/21,"I have no idea whether I'm an attention-seeker who is lying to himself, a pussy, a suicidal person or not any of these. On Friday I came back from school, I was feeling very very depressed since like 2 o'clock. I got home, got changed and grabbed a knife in the kitchen telling myself that I'd kill myself on that day. I already decided that I'd slice one of my veins or arteries such as my femoral artery. I was shaking and I was sending messages to all of my friends telling them to keep enjoying life and to do well and so on. Before I used to fantasize about killing myself in a glorious way with people worrying about me and someone who I considered important to me trying to save but I had no idea what to send them and the person most important to me didn't even say anything. Anyway I got around sending the last message while holding the knife in my other hand and then I hear the front door and my parents coming back from work. I didn't end up doing it.


I have no idea whether I'd do it or I was just lying to myself and acting around to convince myself that I'm not just attention seeking. I have no idea what to believe in anymore. I was shaking and thinking that I couldn't kill myself when I was holding the knife.",5.293855421686748,5.416728827309238,5.764321285140562,83.30166265060244,67.95582329317268,8.567710843373495,33.86907630522089,8.238735603445708,2.4988734136546187,974,43,196,12,15,314,129,249,0.154,0.7509999999999999,0.095,-0.9528,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,2,1,14,12,3,2,11,0,17,4,2,1,1,41,29,21,4,1,10,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,3,2,13,15,1,3,8,0,0,9,9,6,1,1,13,5,36,6,31,15,2,29,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,4,10,145,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433332219544235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076618955517142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173762367517097,0.0,0.0,0.09271719503590342,0.20059904457342545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327140153540618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587323567503744,0.1269396653640398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886360980513514,0.0,0.0,0.1191891300834732,0.09705458489488784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266234718008653,0.0,0.09704186236588963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997915160006585,0.0,0.0,0.07441697888463507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056968959562690685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704798524764995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27033568205883024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269864364903478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301644707701446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087594891821701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014560875402603,0.3739555047506339,0.0,0.0,0.09184047882062832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958162529890446,0.055044505788545264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634760162022665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510587175967336,0.0,0.0,0.07811067352980476,0.19675689142951566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959911206243308,0.0,0.11402729898744834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320117023222137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546429229660967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324187563539507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695578614206846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721939078278976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649502686701085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731005939166013,0.0,0.1859278665255544,0.0,0.08943160857375294,0.0,0.0,0.10130318932672502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202455794395963,0.11442109534370193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyWorldApart,2018/01/21,"I think I'm done I dont think anyone who actually knows me would care about this, I dont think anyone reading this does either, so I'm sorry; I really need to get this out. 

I'm just done being too good and not enough at the same time; I'm tired of being the ""genius, if only you put in a little more effort"", I'm tired of being the ""most wonderful person"" someone's ever met and then being too much to handle, I'm tired of trying to pretend I'm not hurting and I'm okay, I'm tired of living with this stupid face I wear in front of everyone, I'm tired of having to be okay. 

There's so much to remember; I've spent my entire life trying to make memories with people so that I wouldnt be forgotten, and all these memories are haunting me. Every night. Every day. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, every time I think of all the times I tried my best to be enough but wasnt. I'm just not. I know that. Im just a stupid idiot who keeps hoping the next time is different when I know it's not going to be. 

I was on a trip this time last year, I remember going to bed every night praying that I get to end things on a high, I knew my downfall was coming; it always comes. I dont miss him, I miss having a home, I miss belonging, I miss having something to look forward to after my shift ends. Now it's just an empty room, wasted space that I wont leave my mark on.

There's so much I'm holding on to, and I swear I tried to be strong, I swear I did. I wanted to prove to you that things get better. But I dont think they do. Not for me. 

I'm sorry for rambling. But I think tonight's it for me; the sky is cloudy and I cant see the moon, but the wind feels nice. I would have loved to be able to reach out to a welcoming sky; but I guess not even the night wants to deal with me. 

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's too much. I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry.",1.56370379091123,2.3968153381995165,3.763613531120008,91.69339298328232,76.88321167883211,6.568432619103682,18.854171572090106,6.828538100315305,-0.04141462993485634,1428,23,342,13,31,494,169,411,0.107,0.7509999999999999,0.142,0.9417,1,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,1,5,18,20,3,0,17,2,33,9,2,1,4,62,87,18,0,8,18,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,1,20,13,0,2,15,2,1,8,15,8,0,0,9,4,45,12,46,64,14,46,1,5,3,1,11,18,0,5,22,212,65,1,0.06565645189362994,0.0,0.06407122599113442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463142760419979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181703550514073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890239558118334,0.0580677961849465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669411284786929,0.0,0.0,0.11311443937360917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042342979848646836,0.06768891893720434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859701796540005,0.0,0.0,0.05745640350313709,0.13437869144078005,0.3077954905423841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630425702074793,0.20352199764602727,0.0,0.0433654672549972,0.059390019640597765,0.27659196229966804,0.06273755342979616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033197874833067235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290835873291183,0.0,0.07462814932935508,0.055069516799115655,0.0,0.0,0.07232798393467096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936964621496894,0.06585877454918165,0.06521167121522604,0.0,0.0,0.07028658969116804,0.0,0.07092023474883193,0.0,0.0,0.058358471174797324,0.0,0.0,0.10824920668855033,0.053518771343209336,0.0,0.06952070251209104,0.0,0.0,0.04637509366443318,0.0,0.06580501336621998,0.05797584990403575,0.0,0.11026976718138937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925751123302881,0.0,0.04382619146970234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306018667998665,0.04868342714924544,0.0,0.0,0.06982638144508227,0.18484239723643134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993469025813866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045517916824783976,0.057328681306111184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600286858679408,0.0,0.0,0.06567421946196025,0.0,0.08412240862518898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875192207021248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231969158974039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563049862623309,0.05054554435173436,0.0,0.3674851126101509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723845844995967,0.2524200196926335,0.0,0.0,0.2297088305662521,0.3773121649873941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830568413232928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745175285374865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120162136191545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328091929920428,0.0,0.0,0.042280602388165466
suicidewatch,thatnerdyrockdude,2018/01/21,"feeling hopeless Hey Reddit. 

So as the tittle says Ive gone back to feeling hopeless. I had a different reddit account ages where I posted and you guys helped me get seen to by doctor. Anyway I took the meds i was prescribed and i felt content whilst i was on them. I have been of them for a month or so but now im feeling really depressed again and again am not seeing the point in doing things except from this time, the thoughts im having are occuring much more than they used to off ending it all. I hate feeling lonely and no one sticks around for me to talk to and i hate just feeling like im living the same day over and over of working a job I hate and having no one to talk to or anything. Its not like I have a family either so im kinda hoping you guys can give me some help. I tried learning new things and keeping myself distracted when i was like this before but now I am having problems with keeping myself from being distracted. Sorry for the long post

tl;dr: depressed and alone and cant distract myself like i used to. any ideas on how to help?",2.4910793111811778,4.342222124423967,3.7093718166383702,88.81037351443125,76.6036866359447,5.674411836041718,22.480960465680326,6.339386263674448,0.4875493087557597,839,24,167,6,19,273,123,217,0.206,0.6579999999999999,0.136,-0.9707,2,3,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,3,1,14,17,3,3,10,0,18,1,0,3,1,41,39,20,0,2,9,0,6,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,12,0,2,9,0,1,2,5,12,0,2,10,9,27,5,28,28,6,27,0,5,2,0,15,9,0,5,18,127,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806984805513717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095811042172878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586696228035459,0.0928890837734652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023478759330181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878982488864258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729382852984757,0.0,0.17974421965980505,0.0,0.0,0.109018212254375,0.0,0.10680142704740936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241861056096227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836708565353453,0.0,0.26379958431800843,0.07454401770602365,0.1001874678645099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451590379022351,0.1000971364890213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066357129866969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090569597069347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982056175748612,0.0,0.0,0.10363803011947108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779269166431648,0.4508415924947661,0.0,0.10354621298025046,0.1854930836959678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391059071429,0.0,0.09213845875419747,0.0923419533253072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590366148780405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328710400333851,0.0,0.07670550788360828,0.0,0.0,0.10077695503564618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141360997775926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863965814517714,0.0,0.1998671420072231,0.0,0.0,0.09984397761114533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684601511013097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297925290814682,0.0,0.0,0.08314937605145928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680557317247715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773695687901094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864423064045234,0.0,0.0,0.08283819549153099,0.060844350551815536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593102370856448,0.07084333800306204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024098326199606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759643302443453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,laura_13md,2018/01/21,"I'm about to lose one of my biggest supporters. This probably sounds beyond stupid but when I was at a really low point in my life a cat literally walked in off the streets, came into my home, and never left. He has slept by my side for four years and been there through all of the horrible thoughts. He may have even helped me get better.

Yesterday my dad called me and told me he has liver cancer with about a month to live. This totally broke me. I'm in university 8 hours away so I can't be with him. He has helped me through all my pain and now I can't help him. Whenever I was close to harming myself I would think ""but who would orange cat sleep with?"" 

I feel more helpless than I've ever been. I'm going to miss my buddy so much. ",1.2893722943722956,3.271307201298704,2.819194805194808,93.13641125541126,80.88311688311687,6.4443290043290045,20.006926406926404,7.554174236665415,0.4541191341991349,575,15,131,9,15,188,100,154,0.237,0.7290000000000001,0.034,-0.989,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,0,5,0,14,6,3,0,5,23,27,9,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,3,10,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,8,0,2,8,2,21,2,24,15,5,26,0,5,0,0,13,15,0,1,8,88,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764291353001427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607958042139087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174833542533334,0.2147747307861881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402948070473835,0.16986126891596495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494917123420944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810932601254027,0.0,0.10672190562190882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776027262945456,0.0,0.18836254107798536,0.0,0.18492929412197168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402773341777886,0.0,0.13263730680015753,0.0,0.0,0.165816605058828,0.0,0.0,0.21008212676433652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498873002408016,0.0,0.138042757373491,0.0,0.1448305035934181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272472159436735,0.0,0.1998152864515976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751646227804435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246278171165227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029916103592392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791949375221498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309491996055754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032432694991678,0.0,0.1490794238511117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943554318988034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667925589803877,0.0,0.0,0.12092666100544296
suicidewatch,countingcookies10,2018/01/21,"It's a vicious cycle. Honestly, I'm writing here today because I feel like I have no other place to go. I feel terrible because I feel like my problems are **permanent**, leading to thoughts of suicide. But I then contemplate the reactions of my loved ones, who would be devastated by my death. I then feel bad... about feeling bad.  
  
I recently recognized my depressed and suicidal moods and decided to seek a new therapist, only to find out my health insurance was terminated at the end of last month, and it will take 4-5 months to renew. Not only is my mental health in jeopardy, but also my physical well-being if something were to go wrong.  
  
  
At this point, I hope a truck hits and kills me. At least it would be perceived as an accident.",2.94677811550152,5.406371950354616,4.573318135764946,80.21250000000002,77.72340425531915,8.283890577507599,29.929584599797373,9.04235418022936,3.00794994934144,579,28,105,15,14,194,97,141,0.238,0.6779999999999999,0.084,-0.9724,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,3,14,2,0,6,0,10,3,0,1,0,24,23,11,4,5,4,0,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,9,0,0,3,2,8,0,1,3,5,16,5,17,14,1,19,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,2,11,70,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129214998271946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23580037068318715,0.17215438112797798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161956518145152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506562105164198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35698717656152124,0.20175360381421795,0.0,0.0,0.12905871167216126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049998655071498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30018839088772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024831711693578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562222899690513,0.0,0.0,0.11510083203171563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797115381791952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274429265819791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230131776623015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254167926685993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637656303989398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956840881380536,0.21478536415193814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752905652633055,0.0,0.1334842628705257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511400996412154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942279417303788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087064232672972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308910463206275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061685044061848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394976110620105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210091022859216,0.0,0.0,0.13384572543316134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269601544842282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061580553052155,0.15438538092399545,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,invisibleanon7890,2018/01/21,"Lifeline To give you context, I am a 30/f, married, and a mother to a baby; and what some would say a pretty good career. I have friends, family and colleagues who are supportive and have helped me along the way.

For the past year, I suffered from severe post partum depression. Going into my first pregnancy, I was not mentally ready, which I believe contributed to my PPD. My marriage was on the verge of shambles, corporate life sucked my soul, and I lived in a materialistic city that catered to those who were successful and could spend their happiness rather than earn it organically. I felt like I didn't belong.

We moved out of state to where most people dreamed to live in. I started a new job with a role that was interesting and could further my career growth. The pay allows me to support my family. The move was to salvage what I felt was left of my soul. But still, I was not happy. I financially support my family, because my husband is having a hard time finding a job (he lost his job a year and a half ago due to low oil and gas prices and a restructuring of his organization). Every day I worry that I would do something wrong that would lead me to getting fired and worrying about how I can feed and house my kid. I've stressed more each day, stopped eating my meals, and lost an unhealthy weight in a matter of weeks. I have trouble sleeping at night, yet I still have to wake up at 6 to 7am every morning to make sure I can feed my child. 

My day consists of waking up, cater to my kid for a few hours, go to work, come home and help take care of my kid, go to sleep and repeat. You can say each day, I've succumbed further into a deep depression and have thought countless times of suicide. I'm a researcher, so I've spent some days researching the best way to off myself.

Today I couldn't wait. I just woke up feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. I grabbed my scarf, made a pretty solid knot, and created a noose in the closet. As I sat there crying, all I could see is red and think about how I was tired of fighting. Tired of working hard for nothing. Tired of feeling like it would get better and lying to myself that I just needed to be strong to fight off these demons.

As I wrapped the noose around my neck, I could hear my 11 month old open the door and crawl in loudly. I could hear her cry as she tried looking for me, not knowing I had hidden myself away in my closet. And I could hear her cry out mom. At that moment, I wondered if she knew somehow that I was about to do something that would prevent her from seeing me. Or I wondered if it was because she just couldn't see me and wanted me. Either way, I had a surge of guilt. 

And I broke down and cried. I thought about how I hadn't even left her a letter about why mommy has to go, and I hadn't told her that no matter what happens, even though she wouldn't see me, I would be by her side. I thought long about what kind of letter I should leave to an 11 month old who someday may need to understand that her mom wasn't strong enough to keep on going. And I sat there for what felt like hours.

Then I untied the noose and walked out.

I can't say this won't happen again in the future or it may never happen. And I can't say that it won't be an unsuccessful attempt or it would flop. And I can't say that someone might stop me or no one will come. But I felt like today was just not the day to leave. And maybe this was a sign that I just need to try harder. C'est la vie. 

I just wanted to tell you this.",4.6270833864592635,4.7876878625525965,5.128089697819711,87.15877486293512,69.39270687237027,7.772140762463343,27.003984444727784,7.259408732682427,1.1533901823281898,2718,77,590,23,44,870,322,713,0.146,0.748,0.105,-0.9817,3,0,2,0,3,2,76.0,1,3,1,13,29,36,3,3,36,0,63,14,5,7,3,129,123,48,1,25,20,4,11,4,1,15,4,9,4,4,33,45,5,5,17,1,4,12,19,16,0,3,34,27,98,20,86,63,11,90,3,9,6,0,50,35,1,15,42,399,131,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719386547198416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047394704549825854,0.0,0.0,0.05002053942992512,0.0,0.0,0.06490896908210593,0.0,0.0,0.05998301685210958,0.05587187963795049,0.0470862717024657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054281518685128365,0.0,0.0,0.09172273748523274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550458622270974,0.0,0.2339256570080015,0.20601157800050432,0.0,0.0917107138885246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447760104864988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055010939558002084,0.0,0.07032876423171455,0.0,0.08971364607039509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056921995311326,0.0,0.053839279498590215,0.03803451979083053,0.2044742071356307,0.0,0.048660207604459986,0.04528574195915162,0.0,0.0,0.04113293312281822,0.0,0.05563119041427031,0.05107246209630452,0.1512870104791904,0.04465501363729856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412393232073788,0.11334950235781092,0.09538479692651296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800153530768879,0.0,0.07137102394239403,0.0,0.05340385473795743,0.0,0.10486094638098953,0.06143157468033523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584968428611266,0.04732197552538392,0.0,0.05544105315636599,0.029259198687222376,0.0,0.0,0.11274651020006245,0.11569038488864605,0.0,0.03760484130577151,0.10404109728386562,0.0,0.0940234277901006,0.047115542727066334,0.044708018550707114,0.0,0.11623504955201475,0.0,0.0,0.050376780790232924,0.035537976207226214,0.0,0.05348652943686817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365319066939538,0.0564790084934337,0.0,0.12470760759634797,0.08499099198083503,0.11317095181230348,0.0,0.1184298989506422,0.041061811606830576,0.05141932523517835,0.0,0.049961940526029536,0.0,0.05108501865720028,0.0,0.11173241674969224,0.0,0.03607666257407298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082340800807853,0.03690976995434235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098900624185289,0.10832802200862753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169210716611345,0.0,0.0,0.169700892779697,0.0,0.0,0.060145813620240116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655648717988854,0.0,0.04510990506537458,0.08197318965281437,0.0,0.0,0.037683400533383836,0.0,0.08503473723621904,0.08902170415594639,0.06098600466067757,0.0,0.0,0.058235693956836775,0.18124766345542226,0.05017787619931615,0.0,0.04002969965005745,0.0,0.046533926985705305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034113910553030105,0.052307827731086325,0.1267993495447748,0.062089104570392836,0.1835739354804141,0.10093019994018844,0.05087290513548293,0.0,0.07229265135539448,0.0,0.0,0.05542450362163892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280442032083282,0.1267778121710019,0.042705751730577175,0.06483172675245055,0.0,0.0,0.04804063356822341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547257204062344,0.07751840888077774,0.10813519116432757,0.0,0.2647401571563112,0.058209357504966724,0.0,0.06856936417742626
suicidewatch,sadstudent113,2018/01/21,"Almost 3 year relationship, got dumped, and emotionally cheated on After nearly 3 years I got dumped. At first I thought he broke up with me in November, but we were able to get through it. 

Last week he broke up with me and said we could still be friends and all the generic “It’s not you, it’s me.” BS 

It’s all a lie because he admitted he had a crush on this girl, and ever since we have broken up officially, all he’s done is be with her. (Not to mention she’s one of my closest friends) 

For almost a year he had a huge crush on me and didn’t tell me until a few months later, where we started to develop this relationship. 

He was the one that told me I had a reason to live because I was his world. I didn’t believe him for such a long time, but I went with his lies because I stopped being hard-hearted. 

And now all I know is that I am forever and always second choice. This will never fail to happen no matter how great or deep of a relationship/friendship I have with anyone. 

I attempted running away a while ago, but now I want to just shoot myself and be done with all of this. I only have one person (not him) that I know would be deeply hurt by this, and it is stopping me somewhat. Yet, this growing pain is too much to handle and I can’t take it anymore.",2.6486603773584925,3.7549246113207566,4.093726415094341,89.31228773584905,74.58490566037736,6.809433962264151,24.948113207547173,7.1686216300943375,0.8854566037735845,982,31,219,10,20,326,143,265,0.158,0.759,0.083,-0.9595,0,0,0,1,0,1,29.0,4,1,0,3,10,11,3,0,11,0,27,1,0,2,7,50,41,17,0,3,8,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,15,20,0,2,5,0,0,3,8,8,0,5,16,1,35,3,32,17,8,41,0,4,0,0,29,15,0,4,23,163,50,1,0.1197545255517616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615516132703127,0.0,0.23983371766942654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964535859408974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187643103464087,0.08373514869720043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251331883380024,0.0,0.0,0.2190037417651015,0.0,0.0,0.13492234143434784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561424413864976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24510091504531165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470772272725562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083248244375451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186313825770067,0.0,0.0,0.18504409875469255,0.0,0.06256679691502896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155726773569734,0.1320297871914312,0.0,0.0,0.10589853145002867,0.0,0.10727653270837696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190968937439727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819969642517046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316279107836838,0.0976159217482946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574544006682077,0.10597898665815902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558691977059876,0.0,0.08803335541285713,0.0,0.0923620727378406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344629735606466,0.09107871302771,0.12742725850891554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456503256441696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312759735527665,0.0,0.3857146306875235,0.0,0.0,0.11391397731013865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906218104553824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476286955869722,0.0,0.0956361187988638,0.2002402912279275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004049958033243,0.0,0.10467073372661706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507171657778797,0.06982982688961609,0.0,0.0,0.1144305811321562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063432190319789,0.0,0.09605985691599606,0.0,0.0,0.11101364495573438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507017902677877,0.0,0.0,0.2313539644469585
suicidewatch,Sl4des,2018/01/21,"Feeling trapped! I'm 21

I've never had a relationship
I'm addicted to porn, gaming and binge eating
I've been trying to change for the last 2-3 years but im always failing. 
I hate my job
all i can think about now is how im going to kill myself. 

please help

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suicidewatch,killerdrama,2018/01/21,"I am suffering from a major health problem, I feel guilty to get it assessed and diagnosed, I have no courage. And with each day I delay, it's getting worse and I'm losing a chance at a healthy future. How should I confront it? It's not an STD or some alcoholism related condition, I was diagnosed with the same thing sometime back (mid 2016) and I took so much time to recover (I'm not even 100% recovered yet). I was suicidal twice (once in late 2014 and in early 2015), and the suicidal thoughts are coming back. I feel it's not worth living anymore because bad things keep happening to me. I feel I will be judged if I tell my condition to anyone. I was seen as a promising talent 2-3 years ago but now I quit my job and moved to a new city. I have enough money to go through the surgery/medication required and I'm 24 & unmarried, with very supportive parents, yet all the problem lies in my head. I have absolutely no courage to deal with the same thing again. Please help me because I feel that even if the suicidal thoughts go away, I will end up hurting myself so bad and have an unhealthy life (the same thing which is making the suicidal thoughts even stronger).",5.089610389610389,5.7718941515151485,5.485264069264068,83.16503896103897,68.52380952380952,9.276883116883116,33.148917748917754,9.3871,2.862563982683984,923,41,187,18,15,295,135,231,0.232,0.6759999999999999,0.092,-0.9878,3,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,3,12,13,1,0,15,0,14,7,1,2,1,42,35,17,4,5,7,1,4,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,11,15,1,3,7,0,2,5,5,8,0,1,8,5,24,5,20,23,9,28,0,3,1,1,4,7,0,4,16,123,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923708316387316,0.11136271460778063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290532409010348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033426729191424,0.07286207496520193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790337748246104,0.1602533612775748,0.17401248898481506,0.1270439578314704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976278438901737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720315799804719,0.1074300658648454,0.0,0.2115303581011147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229408733571437,0.1076709056438096,0.0,0.20647788781142085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075531628436472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888490002306096,0.0,0.11844341915494125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214752534946842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069436828646364,0.11076430650082199,0.0,0.0,0.06984595106307141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155286682806358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340669661742867,0.09262157677383487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754699814860715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360258436806111,0.0,0.0,0.09201431300061168,0.0,0.0,0.1165779661275166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955718469315986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574749491422218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107526882117227,0.07660215621906831,0.0,0.0,0.10064116992271782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097418706906408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570655219148875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438503812460064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941889915147865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083410822969438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030607250254638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559303992630134,0.11824981374534012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107915810874348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27691484764060925,0.0,0.0,0.24817974225175596,0.06076236993424471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157748202676032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597946718806904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061930921887504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710415782500244
suicidewatch,throwawayanyhope,2018/01/21,"There is no hope left Hello, reddit, I've been lurking in this sub for a while, I've been thinking of suicide for a while, too. I just want to share and get it off my chest before I do it tomorrow.

There was a time when I had dreams and loved to solve puzzles and programming. I was participating in national contests and have many prizes. 

Then, my mother died, when I was 6th grade and after that my father started to insult me and tell me that I'll amount to nothing, that I am nothing and I have no future, that I'm very stupid, an idiot, he's not stopped for 8 years now, even though, at the beginning I was still winning some prizes in programming contests.

And I've tried to tell him, to ask him why does he do that and does he really think what he's saying and he keeps telling me that I'm just imagining things and he hadn't said that.

I was so fed up, got very depressed, wasn't interested in anything anymore, stopped dreaming. I started smoking weed regularly for 1.5 years, then I stopped and got clean, got some hopes again, and he started again with his insults. 

For 2 years, I've been going to doctors for some illnesses and every one has told me and has asked me ""Are you chronically stressed?"". Yes, I am. 

Last night, I told him everything I was holding up for those years and asked him why did he do that. He started crying and banging his head against a wall, saying that he doesn't know and he doesn't mean it, it's just what goes out of his mouth without him meaning it.

But I don't believe him. I got everything off my chest and told him everything. 

Now is the time to die because I don't have any dreams and honestly, I don't see how can my situation and brain improve after that many years of constant insults. I'm not interested in anything, neither programming anymore. 

I just want to die and I will kill myself tomorrow. It's funny how you stop caring about anything when you're going to die in less than 12 hours. Just nothing. Calmness.

Thanks for reading and sorry for this rant, I needed to get this off my chest.",4.956006787330316,5.458439691176473,5.337843137254903,84.74260180995478,68.75490196078431,8.237707390648566,30.643288084464555,8.139509932561175,1.9835577677224736,1606,61,331,20,26,512,184,408,0.163,0.716,0.121,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,3,52.0,0,2,0,3,22,21,6,1,7,1,33,11,6,2,0,57,72,35,6,5,9,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,23,25,1,6,6,4,0,2,13,8,0,1,22,4,45,13,43,49,6,55,0,1,1,1,43,16,0,6,37,210,68,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241855548209631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528897069014242,0.0,0.0,0.19029630719958704,0.0,0.21618442190149045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046988608209427546,0.0,0.06559129512481647,0.08684527016653157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604925444188986,0.0,0.0,0.07859046447901047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832985000233384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846712034000871,0.0,0.0,0.0663908064548631,0.0,0.3199967145827903,0.0,0.0,0.07889692236699353,0.13491034708332594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050912081875111176,0.0,0.06494509812517074,0.0,0.20782959752565527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805445610234116,0.0,0.08761520835236286,0.0,0.2465987840414721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791085998952542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153120081681575,0.075910463463584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851422227475751,0.08528006001169786,0.0,0.042362374355278634,0.06283230046753023,0.0,0.0,0.08375006175578123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956971651824252,0.0,0.0,0.15629855290693087,0.0,0.1679302784082472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571554922816559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233644539295321,0.0,0.22188741811795856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052232909786396935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710308339744777,0.0,0.04938084640335159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332284653581216,0.12259775652359105,0.0,0.0,0.061424552541641926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866436492293005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862872387887691,0.21823677913260825,0.0,0.06155796354013946,0.2577767626183114,0.08829742698991352,0.0,0.0,0.08431544194394867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211978355208896,0.0709669554004189,0.0,0.0,0.05121000441602549,0.09878235320238306,0.07573289356770356,0.0,0.08989452921496657,0.0,0.0,0.22096610453290155,0.0,0.05233377018609646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720181476445575,0.09093018552005873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910943530867026,0.0,0.0,0.0743045131086781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481921246066187
suicidewatch,1224pm,2018/01/21,"I think it’s time I (17f) have been thinking about suicide for quite some time now. I’ve suffered with anorexia for over a year now but through forced weigh resorption I am a healthy weight which I despise. I honestly hate myself thoroughly because of my weight. I felt like being underweight was the only thing that kept me from being like everyone else. Now, I’m like everyone else and also full of self hate. No one would miss me since I’m so easily replaceable now. ",5.695,6.726089833333332,5.600000000000001,81.63000000000002,67.33333333333334,9.555555555555557,31.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.935,375,15,71,8,6,117,66,90,0.238,0.57,0.191,-0.6458,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,0,9,16,4,1,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,3,10,4,9,9,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,10,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635559397162928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156315114199196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057680981846904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34975392060119675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572137716789035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36137530132656204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682330229257588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401448417271232,0.13918978934470005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465707112997896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092268658232994,0.0,0.0,0.1513904144381133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018674209868006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158584134230375,0.234534944115838,0.0,0.0,0.21343294325613546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457215594554195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000732997457656,0.0,0.0,0.1178545037398444
suicidewatch,Innerouterpeace,2018/01/21,"One last try Long story short. I have ADHD. Everyone includingg school and counsellors would suggest that I have it. I know for sure that I have ADHD. Because I grew up in narsisstic environment I was always minimized and said that I have nothing and that I'm lazy. My Narcissist father was able to manipulate the doctors into believing that I do not have ADHD. Even though the school itself sent me to the tests.  They didn't ask me anything. I was not asked how I feel or what are my thoughts. I didn't get the chance to tell my truth like the kids who were diagnosed. I will not get too into my symptomps because I am tired of explaining how I work. It's like having to say thousands of times that I have dark brown hair. Whenever I do the online tests I always score very high. Tomorrow I will be visiting doctors who will hopefully appoint me with the right psychiatrists. I am very afraid they won't take me seriously. I have read many stories where people manage to get the diagnosis only after millions of attempts. I have already explained this same thing to psychiatris but all I got was ""ok, but hey try to find a place where you could have help on monday"" I do not have the money or the patience. I WILL NEVER CHANGE. I WILL NEVER ADAPT. So if this doesn't work I'm ending my life.",3.6572087332956897,5.541625027667989,4.686437041219651,82.92129117259555,73.42687747035573,7.823000188217581,26.27686805947675,8.563005593585519,1.8918520233389802,1024,36,197,19,21,334,146,253,0.022,0.919,0.059,0.7498,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,3,8,8,0,1,11,1,34,6,1,3,5,33,51,12,0,4,9,1,2,2,0,7,5,2,0,1,15,6,0,0,6,1,1,3,10,2,0,3,11,5,37,6,18,31,2,23,0,0,1,0,19,11,0,4,11,142,52,10,0.11836363208736833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267502526879941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061721130657591,0.0,0.1969760476191244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974031839728444,0.0,0.22130803617170333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430674301789218,0.0,0.0,0.13335528079896036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521302829090386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094503728885363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013659503379692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423003858759117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483504584211427,0.0,0.0,0.07817806267970606,0.0,0.0,0.11310152282149848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984820881258907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818221538985914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855203374606825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946662093038373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933664758987981,0.12505767591465158,0.0,0.11756179380552725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650495567188179,0.0964821579347363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360373377177233,0.11565298371979015,0.0,0.0,0.10474808971103576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000214502992874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825786599044766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357309727264045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802062603772762,0.09002087587197896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205843911822594,0.0,0.12366480311640107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839566296720234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108189507471436,0.1125909191141022,0.09412751100420123,0.0,0.2395806296102915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115563224662972,0.0,0.0889947207939361,0.0,0.10345503153262628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863553772726804,0.0,0.11629166756085454,0.09396750253136732,0.06901878572525942,0.1360415830907527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072227318891374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532478502886336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234026772731711,0.0,0.0,0.08408212821635681,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Halkeyon,2018/01/21,"Just want to thank everyone for supporting me this morning when i was having a meltdown Im so glad this sub is here and ontop of that thank you to all the people who were there for me. I started the day wanting to die and it had its ups and downs but im feeling okay tonight and really its because this sub and the wonderful people on it stopped me from making a mistake. So once again thank you

-Haclyon",2.7711015490533555,4.514871445783137,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,75.50602409638554,6.670567986230638,27.5197934595525,7.447530270364453,1.4712492254733216,322,13,66,4,7,104,57,83,0.084,0.6890000000000001,0.227,0.8893,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,1,5,0,0,1,1,15,15,9,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,7,6,10,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236692376638022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083602652309398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054970159466813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938534376625161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257846867875416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43827438445708505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541901798201889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605266947676435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812925965178021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996536527912195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359425153242925,0.0,0.0,0.16961055527738225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302173919860405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603334260023901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393189999110801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000665173527148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FeelinSpiffyPunk,2018/01/21,"I’ve been cutting myself and I keep dreaming about my suicide I keep dreaming that they won’t give me another chance and that they’ll never forgive me.

I hate that idea and I hate myself so much.

I’ve been taking a scissor and gliding it across my skin. It’s easier to cut on the lower part of my forearm. But I noticed that even though I only grazed the palm of my hand with it, it hurts even more than the forearm.

I miss them so much. Everything I do blows up in my face.",1.6467555555555575,3.4093865200000018,3.139333333333333,92.34522222222223,78.8,5.644444444444447,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.4709777777777777,372,12,81,3,9,122,63,100,0.16,0.706,0.134,-0.2066,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,7,4,0,4,0,5,6,6,0,1,11,12,8,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,20,1,10,8,4,5,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,61,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065561746438167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779758430184294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912212795281866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018649248474208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155147831603584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527111154373,0.2375513794343224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740821037783615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093825083798703,0.0,0.16229762917013496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395774857729957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004252345246806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278766447785392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301777416147883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821818608013347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674773215273687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JRTN,2018/01/21,"My name is John I don't know what I'm looking for here. I just want to be heard. I'm posting this on my actual account because I want people to know who I am.

Every day I wake up to a physical pain in my chest. It's the kind of pain that can't be rid of through Aspirin or ibuprofen or Tylenol, it's much like hunger, except it can't be satiated. Every day I wake up and feel it. But I go to class; I do homework; I smile; I laugh; all because that's what people are supposed to do. I'm supposed to get dressed and walk out of my apartment every day prepared to take on the world. But I can't. I'm tired. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of being alone. 

Every day I cry. Most of the time it's when my roommate is gone, but sometimes I don't have that luxury. I work at my school's library, and the other day I was assigned to sort books. While I was working, I lost it. I had to sit in the bathroom for 10 minutes and try to collect myself. When I finally left, I stared at the same title for 30 minutes, all while contemplating walking out of my shift and ending it.

I just don't know what to do. I've never had a girlfriend, and I was a virgin up until 21 til I finally had enough and paid a prostitute. It was shit. I couldn't perform because I was drunk, and she was obviously just in it for the money. No passion whatsoever. All through high school I watched my friends get in relationships. I listened to them talk about relationships and hung out with them and their girlfriends. I enjoyed their company, I considered them friends, but every day something inside of me collapsed a little.

Then, finally, at 22 I met a girl through Tinder. I really really REALLY enjoyed talking to her. We talked for like two weeks before we met up, and it was the first time I've been happy in years. Every day I was checking my phone multiple times a minute. Some people say that a relationship won't fill the hole inside of you, but after that night I can say with certainty that it is exactly what is missing in my life. I want someone to want me and enjoy my company. 

When we met up, I thought things went well. We hooked up. The sex was good - really fucking good - but what made me the happiest was the fact that someone liked me enough to do it with me. But a day later she messaged me and told me that she found me too awkward to talk to and that we shouldn't talk to each other any more. Now, this was a woman who has slept with nine other guys, some of whom were one night stands, and kept in touch with *every* other one of them. This was a woman who dated a man who could only eat pizza, burgers, and french fries, because he had such a bad case of anxiety that any other foods would cause him to break down.

But *I* was too awkward to keep in touch with. *I* was too much work. 

And that broke me. Whatever it was inside of me that had been giving all my life finally collapsed. For years, I've tried to socialize. I've tried clubs, I've tried jobs, I've tried talking to people around me in classes, and it hasn't done anything. I thought maybe it was because I wasn't physically attractive, but then I got in shape and it changed nothing. So I gained a little weight back, and then I met her. I had a chance with a girl. I thought she liked talking to me as I liked talking to her. But I was wrong.

Through her I discovered the truth; I'm fundamentally flawed. I can't socialize. I'm not attractive. There is *nothing* physically impressive about me. I have no hobbies. I'm boring as shit. I'm awkward. I have no redeeming qualities *at all*. I don't know what to do about it either. I tried a number of hobbies. Skateboarding, puzzles, reading, television, exercise, drawing, instruments, etc. It all bored the shit out of me. I had *zero* fun. 

I lie to everyone. I tell people I got laid in high school. I tell them I had a good size friend group. The truth is, I've never had more than a couple friends at a time, and I've never been in a relationship. Every day this eats me up. Every day I wake up, I'm disappointed that I didn't fucking die in my sleep.",1.6530681714198536,3.6414812072289138,3.378311727924358,89.55469040719844,79.69879518072291,6.4193991154491385,24.120786945249357,7.488335242417432,1.0684052157999084,3142,113,673,46,79,1046,311,830,0.106,0.758,0.13699999999999998,0.9835,1,1,1,0,0,0,125.0,5,1,7,7,20,44,5,3,36,0,69,32,9,2,15,100,119,46,1,8,18,0,4,5,6,3,11,4,1,6,53,39,7,2,9,5,4,6,21,18,1,6,52,11,111,26,102,58,20,95,0,4,3,5,70,42,5,7,48,458,164,13,0.0,0.0,0.04887873364368213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187613752343387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812321403029173,0.0,0.03831723850260666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121821603471237,0.0445890039726857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038514636138195016,0.04182144850705028,0.15266612102319713,0.0,0.04262126068924256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145424803629435,0.05298653945330891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03999125033088,0.05542149972931462,0.05501939588354928,0.3230266319530378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198351155431776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125748855835294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250520570402254,0.0,0.0,0.04436316546627417,0.10350873692710637,0.055861441221517934,0.0,0.0,0.3798122536187956,0.047861299922302106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025326034524863338,0.0,0.0,0.21947614133823912,0.0,0.04260488903353762,0.06056669630288886,0.054918986382330295,0.1547916828128678,0.09261123216718756,0.05233790133198009,0.04804904338865278,0.028466205983753306,0.12603449685273896,0.08012001470836347,0.0,0.0,0.04959506678810928,0.0,0.05331968475107784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058415976234668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049704683417836126,0.04452058040531517,0.0,0.052159019935238,0.11010837931318657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442083752181898,0.0,0.07075737402740796,0.12235251132422947,0.1004028148670504,0.0,0.0,0.04206136604718448,0.0,0.05467704815831738,0.0,0.0,0.04739454544811728,0.0,0.0,0.05032020130093729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364099325363585,0.0,0.11589302844610945,0.0,0.0,0.09400852630091576,0.0,0.09612171323722267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788194867405255,0.038094236327631,0.10659448160502426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362381459672305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797052800468672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010162722314787,0.0,0.1283508077471329,0.0,0.0,0.2151033804787448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966409156527357,0.0,0.15207541087818852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424406046117284,0.0,0.0,0.050124245686398526,0.1021169647137038,0.0848789228785203,0.03856024543037782,0.04953838462856332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037659997117302106,0.322071164137414,0.08755836648581466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033276289848512004,0.0,0.0,0.11929300444614124,0.11682703190772045,0.057568871291745816,0.0,0.047861299922302106,0.0,0.20403908089095854,0.0,0.048928768926094116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817297201394315,0.0,0.0401776306373922,0.06099377871808494,0.04503519267442682,0.04643214518466935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939414036986457,0.0,0.0,0.03558112973438739,0.054763444517473635,0.0,0.06451015320704276
suicidewatch,arbogan,2018/01/21,"Girlfriend hurt herself and has suicidal thoughts Hey, we have been having a tumultuous relationship. It's been going on and off, and she has told me that she hurt herself with scissors and that it's because of me. When she is less angry at me in particular, she has told me that since startin her studies, she has felt without a purpose. I don't know what I should be doing. It only now starts to feel like this is getting bigger than just me. I don't know if I'm taking this too far or not. Help?",3.162896039603962,4.6764569108910905,4.171373762376238,87.64240717821781,73.95049504950495,6.6341584158415845,27.476485148514854,7.1686216300943375,1.3059990099009902,392,15,81,4,8,127,69,101,0.159,0.8170000000000001,0.024,-0.9333,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,15,0,0,0,0,17,27,7,1,2,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,2,17,1,9,19,1,10,0,2,0,0,15,6,0,2,4,64,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975586884042954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592165752240408,0.16378467982050945,0.220127286550727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977983106062105,0.0,0.13029476753541094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366935574778906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908590094738019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519925854274467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200573781741643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436393418850848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461413805158566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189647734824044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227268609807033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25077520476925186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237634592343182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200826495555011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381389603432288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210001994948406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deadpoet339,2018/01/21,"Everything's fucked I feel like the most disgusting person on this planet..my family want nothing to do with me, i have no froends and i lost someone who meant everything to me over us going out and me kissing a girl quickly happy birthday, he called me a cheater and i accept that..but i just can't let go..i don't want to do anything stupid but I'm losing grip on reality and I don't know what I'm capable of doing. ",1.1213888888888874,3.2226654318181818,3.5096969696969715,87.31510101010102,82.18181818181819,6.638383838383841,24.550505050505052,7.793537801064563,1.4312080808080814,330,13,69,6,9,114,61,88,0.185,0.654,0.16,-0.4933,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,2,9,3,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,15,18,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,2,11,4,9,15,1,6,0,2,0,2,6,4,1,1,2,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880271156409068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333129858030737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41070265989527627,0.0,0.2153992513331024,0.0,0.11553098800592734,0.16323270633221273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112345527725137,0.0,0.0,0.2597113179210599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432309666722229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557167050071866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336456535474417,0.0,0.11162826540742013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556209322522831,0.2494229165160693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924151781868195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995079271090807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359812945464025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27484433438988065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695376609189339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,L1121x,2018/01/21,"Found Suicide Note So today I was cleaning my boyfriends room when I came across a letter with my name on it , when I began reading I realized it was a suicide letter and couldn’t read much of it before I broke down in tears he came back in to the room to find me crying and the letter beside me , he then went on to assure me that he wouldn’t take his own life that he does just have some bad days which I already know about as he took a lot of tablets 2 months ago and I ended up in hospital with him , he refuses to get help and he try’s his hardest to put a happy front of and try’s to make me happy even tough I am , I’m only with him 6 months but I was friends with him before , the night he took all the tablets the hospital let him walk out and he won’t listen to me , I feel like I always upset him and I’m afraid he’s going to do something to himself what will I do ?",2.033271650629164,2.739076357512957,3.665185048112509,93.33887305699484,75.58031088082902,6.343301258327166,22.0758697261288,6.18269132825596,0.1445310140636562,679,16,163,4,14,227,108,193,0.095,0.821,0.084,-0.0387,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,9,0,12,1,0,1,2,30,28,13,2,2,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,3,0,7,14,0,1,5,2,0,9,3,5,0,0,10,2,27,5,27,13,5,32,0,1,0,0,26,11,0,2,13,102,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292928803332255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530341339271705,0.0,0.11539083766318398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066344822132079,0.11578996854479025,0.0,0.0,0.2360087759138585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31722036495185985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233078590368668,0.08943555254109939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135766572629725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282715489926767,0.0,0.0,0.0915952193023933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701195402283552,0.0990712752985169,0.0,0.0,0.12674877585352504,0.0,0.0,0.15205278470088798,0.10714193747303843,0.0,0.07245330046266425,0.0,0.0788136521596725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952496788390597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295264407464153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621355926398865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180719896777513,0.0979520605505133,0.06775085007024716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178987008387367,0.0,0.0,0.09256834695799296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213822078136847,0.0,0.1019439617330344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013949411018225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547053207328776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940924900556198,0.0,0.0,0.277430172665259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067607594870882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033814808193728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426826514328363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145011004739196,0.0,0.3081517395739184,0.18830591798918025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855548581713153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicktrapasso02,2018/01/21,"i am really inclined to kill myself hi. i am really inclined to kill myself because of vast evidence of reincarnation and other lives and stuff like that. i probably will some time soon tbh, but idk. i just kind of wanted to tell somebody. i have health issues that i'm pretty unhappy with right now so this is my reasoning. just let me know your opinions i guess.",3.0155714285714303,5.515852842857144,4.492857142857143,80.66214285714288,77.71428571428572,8.0,24.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.155714285714286,289,10,52,7,7,96,52,70,0.152,0.767,0.081,-0.6386,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,10,4,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,2,7,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,4,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450883950992604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430756357075452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345452484456008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030580639099354,0.0,0.0,0.4882426759432668,0.2297775431262161,0.12126585635431401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256340156017255,0.0,0.10780056635385746,0.0,0.19484182752608648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244847935938512,0.2379027020889621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827136447254924,0.2268694146285518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884376033665753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25259643175242485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286162159714199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286653219127514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014764851315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ifyou22,2018/01/21,"Best way to end it? Hi, I don’t want to suffer anymore.
I don’t think I can be happy anymore and please don’t ask me why.
I just want to know the most quick and successful way of ending it.
Please help me.",-0.7545652173913027,1.0513744130434794,1.5936521739130465,100.02308695652177,87.47826086956522,4.549565217391304,15.72173913043478,5.6839178017228535,-0.9137165217391304,157,3,40,1,5,53,30,46,0.063,0.542,0.395,0.9465,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,4,9,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339844467217413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454979961310452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296186002211373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38758624386866175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329181892198623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466579853783039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202475429444598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803565272846248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019912055966044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581095029416946,0.3473487791287245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743425682388024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopelesslyhopeless91,2018/01/21,"Literally dying Not going to die, I've been drinking. Liquid courage, right? I'm 26.years old and have cut myself for the first time in over 6 years. I've been wanting to for a long time, I just didn't have the courage until my boyfriend walked out tonight.
It would be so easy it to end it all.",2.5062295081967183,4.040330114754099,2.9024262295081966,95.9831475409836,75.72131147540983,5.5357377049180325,25.31475409836065,5.6839178017228535,0.3418891803278692,231,8,53,1,5,71,47,61,0.033,0.7609999999999999,0.206,0.904,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,7,10,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,3,0,3,2,9,5,1,15,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,9,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5631796752045539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657926798957295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031113300450904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307867134270272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541987849693903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011180532536025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470724039566425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317078657859403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164205722046742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003299413321734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273966386711885,0.0,0.0,0.3494454880426476
suicidewatch,geoffetheridge,2018/01/21,Just waiting for them to leave. My parents are leaving for church in a couple of hours and I'm going to hang myself while they are gone. I've tried to kill myself on several occasions lately. I'm under supervision every second of everyday except for when they go to church. I'm not worried about how this will make anyone feel. I have no future. I've thought about this a lot and I am ready to just get it over with. Goodbye.,1.3266279069767464,3.7996260813953526,2.9942325581395366,88.91297674418604,84.69767441860466,5.300465116279072,20.227906976744187,6.742157984588678,0.4615246511627906,337,10,66,4,10,111,61,86,0.096,0.852,0.052000000000000005,-0.5736,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,13,16,5,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,2,1,8,0,18,13,1,14,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483228170432532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608376998957791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861797539467893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919534161310827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316247185192104,0.0,0.26794871051222274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23215274131005345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608072564370402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659207814433305,0.4992213463530522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004145474492441,0.0,0.0,0.15735579129991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617572312478384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266314886374012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871482670405488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004945375707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23940162593684602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redest_Lord,2018/01/21,"How I got over suicide. May or may not work for you, but give it a read if you have time. Kind of long. This post may come the wrong way to some, just know I mean well.

Look life fucking sucks I hear yah, it still does for me sometimes, I just quit letting things get to me as much. If you can't relate to some of what I say don't just write it off as another lost effort in what you already plan to do. If you're looking for a sign to stay alive then this it. As corny as that may seem.

About a year ago I truly wanted to end it all. I was planning it all out. Would cry myself to sleep every night at the thought, but seemed destine to go through with it. I genuinely saw no way out. Saw no hope for my future. Had no high school diploma. Hardly any friends.  I can't say what really pushed me to not go through with it. But I didn't.

I had so much bad luck throughout life, yet was so fortunate to be alive. I was lost inside my own head and in my own life. I abused many substances, mainly mind altering ones such as weed, mushrooms, acid, dmt, etc. They really kicked my ass mentally and sent me into an even deeper depression.

It wasn't until months after using a lot of those drugs that they made me stare at my own depressive brain with a third eye of sorts. I could see my brain controlling my own sadness making me want to feel even worse. So I quit everything all together. I told myself fuck my own mentally unstable brain. I'm just gonna stay alive out of spite to my own toxic brain. 

I was still depressed but I started just going with the flow of life. I still lived with my parent and still locked myself in my room day in and day out. I took baby states towards what I thought happiness could be. I started going out more, if even just for small walks. I'd put on a fake smile and gave false compliments I thought other humans would enjoy.

I always felt empty, but each attempt at being kind would kind of make me warm in a way. Even though I really didn't mean anything I did or said. 

During one of my drug trips I realized life. At first it made me more depressed, but I started contemplating it more. I had all these beliefs and things I thought were true but what the fuck is anything? Literally. The only thing I can certainly say I know for sure is now. What I'm doing now. Sure I could end it all, but I can end it any time I want. 

Why not see where shits headed? What life has to offer this pathetic excuse of a life. I started to force myself to develop hobbies. Because that's what humans do right? I started watching a bunch of videos online trying to get intrigued with something other than death. I picked cars. I didn't know how cool some of that shit can be. 

I kind of thought I was lying to myself by trying to trick my brain out of depression. But I checked myself, before I literally wrecked myself. I started just saying fuck it. Let's just do shit.

So I applied for a bunch of jobs online I thought I'd never get hired for cause I have little to nothing for a resume. And you know what? I got a call back for this kick ass job offer. Not even 10 miles from where I lived. I said fuck it why not give this life thing a shot.

I worked my ass off day and night. Lost 80lbs working out a bunch in my spare time and volunteered all the overtime they'd give me at work. Because that's what you do in the now. I started socializing more and pretty much started saying yes to everything and just gave this life thing a try. And fuck it if all else fails I'll just kill myself... but I didn't. I started saving hardcore, and within 6 months purchased my own dream car. I didn't have dreams let alone a dream car 6 months prior to that. 

I started talkin to women more that I'd see around, when I'm doing random shit throughout the day. Whereas before I didn't even want to put the burden of my existence upon them. I used to get nervous around them too. But I held myself to what I said, out of spite I'd just say fuck it live in the now. If something bad happens that's in the past, not now so fuck it. And low and behold after a few interactions with different women I gotta number and subsequently a date.

Now 6 months later I'm still with that chick. With my dream car, and finally moved out. I could give fuck all about money. But it's what's required to be comfortable and what I assume is happiness so I keep saving, but don't think twice about having a good time right now.

Yah you might think I just got lucky and that's not likely if not impossible for you, but why the fuck not? Did someone die close to you? Is life just not being fair? Cool join the club. Life's not fair sometimes. You don't know what will happen when you die. But you can choose to do so whenever. For me I chose that that decision is not mine to make. 

If  the now wants to kill me in some random way then so be it, but until then I'm living comfortably. May not always be happy, but I'm sure as hell done being depressed. If someone around me dies then so be it. It's the way life goes. Yeah it sucks. But I'll just have to live for them. In my memory and through my own progress in life. But if you've ever really lost someone, you should know that being dead yourself will hurt someone else.

Maybe you already lost everyone you cared about to death, but hey dingus, you don't even know what death is. I'm not religious in the slightest bit, but I have no more ego. There might be a heaven. And if the people I lost are there then why gamble never seeing them again by suiciding yourself to hell. 

Likely nothing happens when you die, except all your problems and pain vanish. You ever been deep in some pussy? Rammed by a cock? Stoned to the bone? Or drunk as fuck with people you know and love? Or whatever you're into . All that stuff sure beats the fuck outta any problem or pain I ever had. 

Got no one? Go get someone. There's so many good vibes that float around in this world, that are as incomplete and torn apart as you. Live in the now or don't that's your choice. All I'm saying is I can't believe I even contemplated suicide a year ago. I recognize my primal monkey brain and the hormonal chemistry that used to control me, but fuck that shit. I control me and only give myself to pains and pleasure when I see fit now.

I wish you good luck stranger. May we cross paths in some form or another.
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suicidewatch,Gritjaw,2018/01/21,"I have wanted to die for almost 10 years I have been struggling a lot recently with depression and suicidal thoughts, not really any more then normal for the last few years but I am tired of feeling this way. I wake up most days feeling fine, but as the day drags on I wish I was dead more and more. I don't have a plan but I constantly think of ways I can die all day. One of the main thoughts is that I will get hit by another car on the way to or from work, or that maybe someone will freak out while I am at work and stab or shoot me. I have days of clarity and I feel like I am on top of the world, but at the back of my mind I know that soon I will go back down and just keep repeating the cycle. I work Security at a hospital with a psych ward and it makes hesitant to get treatment, I am worried that a Doctor will feel like I need to be put on a mental hold and I will be stuck in a hospital with my coworkers all judging me and telling everyone I am there. When I was 17 I was put in a psych ward by my parents against my will, I don't feel like it helped at all, in fact I feel like it was detrimental to me. It was where I first heard of self harm, I don't think I would have ever even thought of or tried cutting myself If i never went there. It also gave me a fear of being trapped, I get really anxious if I feel like I can not leave somewhere. I don't really know what I want from posting this and I feel like I am starting to ramble, maybe just getting all this off my chest will help me. ",4.404801223241591,3.482669006116212,5.496223241590215,88.01418195718657,69.94801223241589,9.34617737003058,28.56422018348624,8.680891452615391,1.6769926605504586,1163,34,284,17,18,388,154,327,0.184,0.6890000000000001,0.127,-0.9759,1,1,0,1,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,6,12,14,1,2,16,0,35,4,2,1,7,62,67,24,4,8,14,1,8,6,0,8,2,1,0,1,13,13,0,3,15,0,0,5,7,6,0,2,13,9,47,8,41,42,11,47,0,1,0,0,7,18,0,9,26,201,60,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753773996512683,0.0,0.0,0.06990913367652002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944808011051087,0.09166669409497327,0.0,0.09875885693546617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443999712359367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446914087825556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255127080250058,0.0,0.07529406227300874,0.0,0.181454736291955,0.0,0.0,0.08947729517170233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577395827502009,0.0790757063312674,0.0,0.08353282893285174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837094763363118,0.35361435029091026,0.3747139299518343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435875985648423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826917766866404,0.0,0.04968236798140463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719054608470166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777022361077899,0.0,0.0,0.09608665485656916,0.07125834730408039,0.0,0.09256435153679607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625174613836704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432071067754457,0.0,0.0,0.05835302071372065,0.0,0.17564875061737262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809803147574337,0.0,0.0882685107540275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482025787750079,0.0674231061798355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565229315217228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923753863166607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706871930667874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372346585109906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576096067908392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800900859890755,0.0,0.08631595196940091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119733148533957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407003734046427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187578715978915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138956913479812,0.0,0.09562245851946423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764082678612263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120294367647309,0.0,0.20820333232616747,0.0,0.10047555509937052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935192478874673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312426398522886,0.20816796816219368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810385101740413,0.0,0.0,0.10052781033730647,0.0,0.0,0.19092674099129936,0.08877848042189708,0.0,0.062100119055797376,0.0,0.0,0.112590247256635
suicidewatch,un-dickhead,2018/01/21,"Do I even have the right to be suicidal? Last night I had one of my worst nights so far, but it all looks so idiotic and overdramatic looking back at that now. In the moment, it felt like my whole life was falling apart. After a heartfelt conversation with my parents last week, they went back to their controlling ways when it took me ‘too long’ to clean the table. And I almost crawled right back to my best friend that I caught feelings for, only to find out he’s long moved on. But that’s it. That’s all that almost had me cutting my wrists open last night. I was talking with one of the helpers on our suicide hotline and they asked me what was wrong. Then it just hit me: nothing more than a family with some issues that could be wayyy worse, and boy drama. Who the fuck even considers suicide over those things? I felt so silly even thinking about that, so I left the conversation instead. And there’s not really anyone I could talk to this about, so I just wanted to get this off my chest. It’s like, I feel so weak right now that I’m not even sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that I’m still alive. ",5.078590647021142,5.4919639730941725,5.067882767456759,87.09889013452917,68.46188340807174,8.165150544522742,27.139333760409993,7.957251820313856,1.3532347213324796,878,25,188,10,14,273,129,223,0.193,0.6729999999999999,0.134,-0.9564,1,0,0,0,1,2,22.0,1,0,3,2,24,16,3,0,8,0,12,5,2,1,3,34,29,17,3,3,8,1,4,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,21,10,0,1,6,1,0,5,2,7,0,2,10,6,24,9,25,13,7,39,0,1,2,1,15,14,1,4,21,133,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119294247798207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373555567598772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858480946467377,0.0,0.0,0.24326175136496225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066696714033683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827509370605822,0.16839211565975534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27860423134807394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099412197005445,0.0,0.10664094019637772,0.0,0.2025038401138292,0.0,0.09638261019496784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147313080902062,0.09749008338986297,0.05509511369089595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006608103988856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578760894888655,0.0,0.0,0.11457556203486227,0.0,0.07448494240878653,0.1030385300169624,0.0,0.0,0.18664610006188975,0.17710880149090205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208040687560668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968829650778003,0.0,0.10118550007148566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291607361303402,0.08020215667899745,0.0,0.0,0.11709365846727166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755622756338632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27017019911208306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421532023343459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460471173304727,0.0,0.0993886980804161,0.0,0.0,0.16951909565647375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005863535818678,0.06757035994966319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716274495059832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219922047505744,0.08370409864238887,0.08458845584033284,0.0,0.0,0.0977564729481583,0.0,0.1177350932300784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746614977995778,0.0,0.11529687377631552,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RengeMiyauchi-,2018/01/21,"I’m talentless I’m literally bad at everything. 
I used to think I was decent at cutting as always til I tried it a few minutes ago, i literally did absolutely no damage...This is purely upsetting, sure maybe people will think not being able to cut anymore is good I guess but still... it’s official. I’m good at nothing, cutting, art, music, singing, writing, sleeping, ect. Nothing.
Why the hell am I still here !? I’ve tried to kill myself many times but I’m so pathetic and talentless I’d only just get sick instead. Mentally and physically. How funny.
I get confident in something, next thing I know when I show it off everyone is much better than me...I hate everything ",1.5175086805555582,4.246933789062503,3.869270833333335,79.98753472222225,90.015625,7.219444444444445,26.64236111111111,8.167268648758528,2.5877277777777783,527,25,93,14,18,181,90,128,0.252,0.589,0.159,-0.9233,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,6,1,2,0,8,2,1,2,2,15,20,9,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,10,4,11,16,2,12,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,7,51,14,0,0.16432719902379944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566614699876784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673339356525036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629684253960246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720634723318378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533405362836718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702168075464645,0.295373381207261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170835826982847,0.0,0.0,0.2756597161800249,0.0,0.0,0.18102493613694626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223908827090766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180369861975876,0.0,0.09030993105595893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660198763637304,0.16508875849616222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656031664462954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207993990123461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747638404132378,0.0,0.0,0.3153527587848031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249782397247855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392378907914648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644458741616762,0.0,0.0,0.12650710610908888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26246382682100544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548764403474124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917168923064237,0.21058846778594167,0.0,0.0,0.09582051123510636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313476283303965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192593893310415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827973765821226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xahodo,2018/01/21,"I am worthless I am worthless.

There, I have said it. I'm a 43 years old male, no job (not able to get one either), no significant other, no children, no hobbies to speak of, no friends, no communities, of no meaning to others and no achievements in my life.

Why am I still here? What am I still doing?

I wish to be of value, but every step on the way there seems to be something that brings that little bit of meaning to a halt.

Each time I take a step to something which contributes a little bit of meaning to my life, it inevitably falls apart. There are no opportunities in my existence.

I use the word existence, because I am no longer alive.

Today I received the method I will use to go. Still, survival instinct is strong. Perhaps when I get an answer to my questions I will know what to do.",3.516371308016879,4.876036860759495,4.556392405063292,85.84678270042195,72.79746835443036,6.785654008438819,28.356540084388186,7.1686216300943375,1.4443780590717288,616,24,125,6,12,201,89,158,0.14,0.747,0.113,0.3204,1,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,8,5,0,0,8,0,14,2,0,2,0,17,29,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,2,9,2,0,1,7,0,0,6,11,2,0,1,1,2,17,3,19,24,4,21,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,2,8,91,26,2,0.14514318935492004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884779410603815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169175420382192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228939700594625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121372680523629,0.0,0.15166265174744858,0.0,0.08248821933651232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403221947323858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976690104713835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503785407088165,0.0,0.290943212435242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743104501745158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523033615155441,0.0,0.09835278144215873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259358965686602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380644105324528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321329083917611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347663644014454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477346155238204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912961510211208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463416092346368,0.0,0.13757877236078853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071422809268384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152079078505688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096915281387336,0.0,0.1669075047233408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346745523818016
suicidewatch,Milkshaketurtle79,2018/01/21,"And I'm back again. Fuck depression. Fuck the government. Fuck everything. And I'm perfectly aware that I'll feel fine within a week or so. But then it'll come back. And I'm worried that some day I'll fall over the ledge. I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub to post in, but I find it to be a lot more supportive and loving than places like /r/depression, where everything feels like a circlejerk. I feel severely depressed on and off. I feel suicidal on and off. I don't really immediately plan to kill myself. But the thought has been crossing my mind a lot more lately. I don't want to die. I want to live. But a lot of the time, I feel like I'm not allowed to live, because I'm trans. I feel that that's the only way out. It's like leaping off a cliff to avoid being shot to death. My dad will disown me and kick me out when He learns who I am. This isn't just a fear. He's said it before quite bluntly.  
My mental state is weird. I'm on antidepressants, but I think I might've gone manic or something. I'll feel depressed and suicidal for a week, and then I'll be fine and dandy.  
And then the world, and my life in general just suck. Living in the US, I legitimately don't view my country as currently having a president right now. Just a crazy guy who's trying to plunge us into some nuclear holocaust dictatorship. Self proclaimed Neo nazis have popped up in my community.  
Even though I came out to my mom, she won't really support me in any way. Every time I ask to see a therapist who can help with gender stuff, she says she's still getting over it. She passive aggressively goes on about how much stress I cause her. Because never mind the crippling, self hating mental illness I have. This is about *her*.  
And I know that the majority of my insane family will also disown me. I know that once I'm out, I probably won't be allowed to see my cousins any more.  
Oh, and have I mentioned how difficult it is to find a job when you're a trans girl who doesn't pass? Nobody is hiring.  
Also, Im 19 and still don't have my license. I haven't gotten laid in months. I know it's a stupid thing to be upset about, but I haven't so much as gotten a date, even. I just want somebody who'll hold me and tell me I'm pretty and that things will be okay. I'm just sick of dealing with life.  

Sorry if this all seems incoherent. But I feel like I'm gonna kill myself someday if some miracle doesn't happen.",1.7692155555555544,3.562262646000004,3.5405333333333324,89.46882222222223,78.53999999999998,6.844444444444445,21.711111111111112,7.793537801064563,0.8175777777777782,1873,53,413,30,45,627,228,500,0.209,0.6859999999999999,0.105,-0.9955,5,1,1,0,0,3,63.0,2,0,0,3,26,31,9,4,25,1,36,8,0,5,3,83,84,43,7,6,18,3,8,5,0,8,4,2,0,4,26,26,0,2,17,0,0,6,13,19,0,0,7,13,51,12,48,63,13,57,0,3,3,4,30,26,4,12,26,253,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834012202318073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063195872050283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917099495501185,0.0,0.0,0.11378803332064193,0.0,0.09020766860468032,0.0,0.0629603433623738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462525608029242,0.0,0.07600847725828759,0.0,0.06373614019439852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771765859119133,0.07628080819530612,0.2549111410316754,0.0,0.07679030802267749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773986471986916,0.0,0.062340066160955374,0.0,0.1329955222074226,0.0,0.0697515227231264,0.08325972111430774,0.2992939774951676,0.1585761754661077,0.0,0.0,0.13525168998649756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052086757465504,0.038656907203582634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326208524956497,0.06542942750959492,0.0,0.0,0.07305015834146897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959417601925116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799222813568718,0.0,0.0734240114932805,0.0,0.16371873280083715,0.0,0.1219894940317154,0.0,0.08346434443211176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452315328415228,0.18073975287564675,0.0,0.1960045199093379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871186441373614,0.06677918512321512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912975238803522,0.07849207518381518,0.14941833468813806,0.08665661077056877,0.059058396300302664,0.0,0.10878285029155392,0.0,0.05706592395653886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879731442308821,0.0,0.0562729999190384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730417404129347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086230828483543,0.0752747921292185,0.07977411814862696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869785132593603,0.0,0.0,0.09480023345059252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318735980135276,0.07038177223694958,0.058840100896723924,0.0,0.0,0.11792146843701365,0.06735804127631208,0.15437615614150133,0.08358804183363958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696139093902381,0.0,0.16565229186568045,0.0,0.0,0.11817758785827945,0.0,0.08475570288283192,0.0,0.08470125565452521,0.16186688082433728,0.16792675846977514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467083245600523,0.0,0.0,0.08590850619532182,0.09831180968408007,0.0474100325655273,0.07269514916232671,0.058740077911037435,0.08628874327001748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050234594912237814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800257630303248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092428708991588,0.11746020135041613,0.11870120120849935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514079815931454,0.0,0.0,0.08089683915418977,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,igbythemeek,2018/01/21,"Am I defective? I'm currently out with friends but I feel like I can't connect with them at all. I have felt like this for the past 7 years that I have lived in this city.

I have become very good at making being happy aorind them but inside I always feel like I am wasting my time being around people and that if they truly knew me they would abhor me and want nothing to do with me. 

My only reason for not ending my life so far is that I don't want to burden my parents as they have helped me out so much, and yet at the same time I feel like using that reason is a crutch. 

How do I make myself undefective and or truly care for the people around me? Am I doomed to forever feel like this? If so I'd rather end my life then continue faking apathy and happiness.",3.3532128740824376,3.9806305776397535,4.776566911349518,86.88592320722758,72.41614906832298,7.593675889328063,21.4686617730096,7.686295010490155,0.659280745341615,597,11,130,7,11,200,89,161,0.112,0.626,0.262,0.9823,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,5,0,8,14,0,0,4,0,16,2,0,6,1,36,29,16,0,6,7,1,5,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,5,28,10,18,24,3,19,1,1,0,0,8,9,0,3,15,94,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252821485487917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077962586772314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935890327175486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788337626196948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956010297563066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735200419074236,0.3864540366811227,0.12984895559892615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044839538744486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343057815038465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879251071321068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064666931608233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104411993748852,0.3303504146299267,0.0,0.11941695797629195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054381173061693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941492982776516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976377631803948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285401279990904,0.0,0.0,0.15016494749616605,0.0,0.12909924517667193,0.1875129444287871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780928068350877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771584094594868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680155178861602,0.0,0.11158488375556698,0.15953285257630034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606865305451552,0.0,0.0,0.08708834673329037
suicidewatch,A_Worthless_Alt,2018/01/21,"What's the point of going on? I honestly can't find a valid reason to go on. 
I'm surrounded be people but have never felt more alone. No matter how much I try to find a place I belong I can't. I see my family happy smiling enjoying there lives and I envy them. I barely fit it with them. Hell they know jack shit about me. I feel isolated from people and I'm starting to have trouble even feeling ""normal"". I feel like I'm losing that last part of me that's able to be happy and I'm scared.  Scared that once that part of me is gone I'll just be a shell. Walking around feeling nothing, belonging to no where. I rather be dead than go through that, but no matter how hard I fight it. It feels inevitable, like I'm fated to be alone. I can't stand it. Why don't I belong?",-0.8014071146245065,1.349278466666668,1.5823715415019777,96.49529644268776,94.63636363636364,4.324110671936759,15.658761528326744,6.046907544983943,-0.5468550724637677,597,14,135,6,23,201,94,165,0.227,0.542,0.231,-0.7133,0,2,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,3,1,9,13,3,2,4,0,12,1,1,3,1,25,30,7,1,2,4,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,10,0,0,5,8,7,0,0,2,8,20,6,17,23,4,17,1,1,1,0,4,8,2,0,5,83,30,0,0.13861115622459916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871187098223605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339331631155515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155136141339897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306702620115598,0.0,0.3504298269320142,0.09902383770267224,0.13308844710761064,0.0,0.2533761712729207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363277431333653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951083065301253,0.12416836997151312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617706646613827,0.11298659250762713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354368188227949,0.0,0.12239619042042513,0.0,0.0,0.15507042845469635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018951486291259,0.0,0.10690546878714004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580950316503,0.13300114276105926,0.0,0.0,0.1476163576004393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002047492653471,0.0,0.192191045907876,0.0,0.14481915637397105,0.0,0.1310323457173385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251535425435738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27754789658507123,0.0,0.11045514546411177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228235996871313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810968980347708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410787640124603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125075008906519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DipstickPinesGFO,2018/01/21,"What the f*ck? My ray of sunlight went back to his cheating ass ex who almost got him sent to juvie... We didn’t have a title or anything but we talked and acted like a couple. And he...? What the F U C K I’ve been crying all day and I wanna hit stuff and I can’t HEAR HIM we would face time all night and this silence is devastating. I was so hopeful. And so was he... 
If I never have any hope I’ll never be hurt.  

I’be been sobbing all day. I had such a comfort with him. Now I can’t hear him or see him... I’ve cried myself to dehydration and I’ve hardly eaten all day. This should t be hurting me that much. We had a thing going on for not even a month.... we weren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend. Why am I so killed over this. ",-1.2629649595687342,0.7414898553459109,1.240844564240792,99.65188679245286,93.84276729559748,3.5317160826594787,15.118598382749324,4.892091775363687,-1.1632080862533691,553,12,135,2,21,187,101,159,0.212,0.701,0.087,-0.9736,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,5,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,7,0,18,3,2,0,6,31,29,15,1,6,5,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,9,14,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,12,4,21,4,9,12,5,16,0,3,1,1,20,2,2,6,11,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619465351719675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607393198434108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836089155270392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119941460551404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725924554922918,0.34268046449928485,0.3017887996742004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605087875213512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864885312164596,0.0,0.1247540227180171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973031832001806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516088293372092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098530468905358,0.0,0.0,0.3339665057727941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725723115050556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620551759961679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450431039828742,0.0,0.11466560732398902,0.0,0.24060773588644055,0.0,0.0,0.14637967639573468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429842349807048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856345728577902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537339600432865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036283139698236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095506438525942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445979987971679,0.14075058577636593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080599731225753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YoungRevolution,2018/01/21,"I plan on doing it. I hope I succeed. Just going to keep this short and simple. I’m only merely posting because I don’t know of anyone in my life to talk to about this, so I just need to say it...

I’m going to be like any other coward and give up. I’ve tried as much as I possibly can. I’ve talked to a therapist, I’ve taken meds, I’ve even talked a couple people in the past - but it never seems to help. 

After I get off my hours-long shift (about 60 hours) which means I’ll be getting off work on Tuesday morning, I’m going to end my life. I have a whole plan. 

I don’t believe in the whole “It gets better” BS. I’ve waited for it to get better and it hasn’t. 

The only reason why I’m not doing it right now is because I don’t want my clients to be put in danger because of their own disabilities. ",0.3600635593220325,1.8217523898305144,3.0577083333333337,92.8438506355932,81.59887005649718,5.102966101694915,18.407132768361574,5.602791699666715,-0.3866494350282488,611,13,143,3,16,215,97,177,0.058,0.851,0.091,0.5366,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,6,7,6,1,0,6,0,12,2,0,1,1,17,33,7,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,3,0,2,4,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,1,15,5,27,29,4,23,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,2,8,86,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921937720210602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947952622662379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479307371028093,0.0,0.0,0.1527434887360691,0.0,0.239805257849618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000810469211506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007676447302047,0.0,0.0,0.08954418576289692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833235989902488,0.13005324587397524,0.2311464843925644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908712145848278,0.0,0.0,0.1346538241331244,0.13351134723590444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050283588521785,0.0,0.0,0.07450695746309367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151736460910487,0.0662337483384995,0.0,0.0,0.11997716599631712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767791348515,0.15059019582264133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966119538064112,0.10052509796776488,0.10456166908233687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621759494461486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294190431893485,0.09398872092699212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528373302493817,0.1298407300814498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628754628347528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939084201919413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577795201857145,0.0,0.1078124865448637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123419875359104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32690349285163184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740981961484302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920446516155424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996401957826084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233285948910196,0.3027231283026673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986982052179212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Timmy_the_Potato,2018/01/21,"Everyday I just feel closer and closer... I don't know exactly what I'm here to do... vent, I guess? I spend everyday just constantly thinking about killing myself. How I'll do it. When will I do it? What point do I just give up? 

I know I'm going to die from suicide one day... is it best to just get it over with? I'm going nowhere; somewhere I've been headed my whole life. I find no joy from anything, just pretend laughs. I cry all day over everything, wishing I could be normal. Live normal. Just... be okay with the everyday. I can't mooch off everyone forever... I can't waste space forever... when will it all be over... when will this burden end, for me and for others. I just want everyone to be happy... and with me around, nobody can be. My family will finally be done worrying, if that is what they do for me at all. Right now, I'm just waiting for probation to end. I want to smoke one last time... I want to feel the pain stop one last time... but until then... what am I here for... I'm not even a good mom to my cats anymore... I'm not a good sister... a member of society... I just want the pain to stop... I just want it to stop... and I'm sorry for my entire life. I'm sorry I lasted this long, because everyone could have moved on by now... I just want it all to stop... please.... I just want it to stop...",-0.6223076923076931,1.5131124102564115,1.8454065934065933,95.7245934065934,91.56410256410255,5.464322344322344,17.323809523809526,6.9916214562510826,0.05549699633699666,980,26,229,16,35,333,125,273,0.132,0.7829999999999999,0.085,-0.9466,0,0,1,0,0,2,89.0,0,0,1,1,23,12,1,0,6,1,27,5,1,1,5,55,54,12,3,13,16,2,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,16,8,0,6,6,1,1,3,6,5,0,3,2,2,30,7,35,40,6,43,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,2,27,154,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297147521583136,0.0,0.0,0.0771454960007114,0.08345438397318385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714708088734662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983813137121068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130681243870698,0.0,0.1496981256959866,0.0,0.10297628071824742,0.1209176531195317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729421038841764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593535962970312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606339299959635,0.0,0.0,0.06191877078147742,0.0,0.0,0.2687367923906733,0.08425343413484639,0.0,0.08837598782299727,0.0,0.09480223469673303,0.0,0.0,0.10269486050537444,0.08568272949920447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897874952292405,0.08993031822278838,0.10655675044381586,0.15726046569177604,0.0,0.0,0.10327249172718644,0.0,0.0,0.09979504021375757,0.0,0.0,0.0962110973142592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371676611158867,0.0,0.1030414019956204,0.22924806845644785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243204680317097,0.0,0.0,0.08277999957802049,0.08296282530289538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979493033637873,0.0,0.09963784094513743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370360345490408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057544589791564,0.0,0.19950606662435308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029056578145984,0.08862087525706375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005911731186076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988337397140605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918819386650668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254360715149843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060069060819367075,0.0,0.0,0.1093288379490018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870593751893207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466477433418916,0.10780400808174974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520426227105357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9gagisfail,2018/01/21,"why am I always so alone? I'm always checking my phone; hoping I got a notification from somebody I'm friends with on discord. Of course, the notification screen is always empty. The only way I can get my friends to talk to me is if I initiate the conversation, which I don't like doing as I feel like I'm annoying them whenever I do it.



All of my friends are online, which I don't really have a problem with. The only issue is that they aren't really my friends. My only ""friend"" is only my ""friend"" for money reasons. It's hard to explain but it's not bad or anything as he's sometimes my friend, but I think my main issue is jealousy.



Whenever I become someones friend (online, obviously lol), I always end up getting extremely jealous about how much time they spend with their other friends and I feel like a burden to them. I always have to initiate the conversation and I just always feel like I'm annoying them :(. It's sad as I can have amazing friendships but  I just let them go to waste as I'm too much of an idiot to realize I may not be annoying as I think. That's all behind me now, though, as I haven't spoken to any true friends online in a long time.



I also feel like it's important to mention that no, I don't have any irl friends and I probably never will. I'm 14 and I just started highschool and it's ok, but everybody is so closed off. I thought making friends in kindergarten was hard, but this is just impossible. But like I said earlier, friends in real life aren't important to me, any friends (online or offline) are.



This post is basically just a cry for friends that are around my age. If you like electronics (especially vintage, such as cassette decks, the commodore 64, etc), vinyl records, roblox, steam, mobile tech, or really anything, please message me via the methods listed on my reddit profile. thanks for wasting your time reading this waste-of-a post, and for hearing the story of this waste-of-oxygen.",4.270082706766917,5.6313243842105285,5.415488721804511,80.40842105263158,70.94736842105263,8.165413533834586,30.67669172932331,8.634040054169528,2.4411165413533835,1526,65,290,26,28,506,173,380,0.157,0.655,0.187,0.9565,0,1,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,2,7,0,15,36,5,0,14,2,31,1,0,3,5,50,55,29,0,4,18,0,6,7,15,2,1,2,0,0,17,11,0,0,10,1,3,1,10,9,0,0,4,9,48,27,39,47,6,22,0,1,1,0,34,9,0,7,16,189,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541078594907487,0.0,0.05050599778299399,0.31530615300292025,0.0,0.0,0.12884516418802958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394435804058802,0.05622241619708646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273279675340496,0.0,0.06975107127293408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937413036120024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055937655709757006,0.0,0.07043586799223345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277347082747929,0.18047523425646111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7319149599319024,0.0,0.06599302539637764,0.0,0.03589312919730092,0.0,0.0505117900302246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315111683076605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118163796769182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272836620321548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318373480831092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458150300338601,0.044609098400345285,0.21598453614485,0.0,0.0,0.055891257846494284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042157260143362775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285416140735052,0.0,0.04870996209162078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213257249112195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932655238994256,0.0,0.0,0.12097238109761888,0.0,0.06809307554314724,0.06043196289583755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317330029656261,0.07188559287067876,0.12137845471069547,0.06493510184241122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060076017698651014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053512051215136594,0.0,0.0624631059268463,0.0,0.04470229002655953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050762568744264255,0.0,0.05814575224616542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093589760460637,0.062050655004525015,0.05013897559048692,0.11048068064622664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013045928609136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698865559980167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Existence0501,2018/01/21,"I think i need help. I've hitted my limits last night, and went on full suicidal plans and thoughts, reached out to my buddy and fiance, but i'm still suicidal. I was sitting by the window, ready to jump anytime, but i looked at the text my love sent me, pleading me not to jump, i felt even worse, he dun deserve any of this, and the biggest part that contributes to these is my family, i'm always being put down by them, and no matter how much i do, it's nvr enough for my parents while my elder brother is the baby whom doesn't know a single thing while i have to do it for him, the only thing my parents will always fight with me about is money, the food they buy and put in the fridge, they expect me to do the same when i'm just turning 23 this year, now and then telling me about how i never gave them money when i did my best, gave them during father's day/mother's day, their birthdays and thought i could give them something better last year which was gold pendants, helped to pay bills and yet all my father asked was did i even help to contribute to household usages, while my elder brother did nothing at all, given that he's 27 and still in school, while i have to scrimp and save when i dun even nid to, sometimes i just feel like having an accident or disaster fall over me so it wont looked like i committed suicide. I've been pushing my own limits over and over but this time i dont see any meaning in pushing it further, at the same time, i have a fiance here and i cant bear to let him go through all that pain with the way he reacted last night, i'm realising that maybe i dont even have a family to begin with, any1 felt like this before?",10.692826086956524,5.326033507246379,9.953514492753627,74.90766304347828,61.7536231884058,12.77536231884058,38.89492753623188,8.59863814320734,3.182405797101449,1300,35,283,11,12,419,177,345,0.119,0.7709999999999999,0.11,-0.7328,2,0,1,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,7,5,21,9,1,0,14,0,27,3,0,3,5,49,55,28,3,3,7,6,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,17,17,1,2,8,0,5,10,8,2,0,0,16,6,45,7,36,33,12,51,0,0,3,1,30,15,0,1,27,193,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580841222526005,0.0,0.0,0.13551027719222633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314516798832817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478194889209434,0.0,0.10456066508643204,0.08811895926096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795503485080951,0.0,0.0,0.12851251679629527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354268694327715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294947054738476,0.0,0.26323160811579577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785380507286029,0.0,0.05037839167597225,0.07117918193092286,0.1913302293538757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047889873446582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557886076136103,0.0566248013746703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034949011042785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475672725629917,0.2436471887103526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188342063860507,0.0,0.14602971654278254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673364198466388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992437394418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009663407288064,0.10853159900525006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732431047959198,0.07387800494417211,0.07684456580099894,0.0,0.0,0.1870011807106635,0.0,0.09560235956553527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577681995285841,0.10601854268822032,0.0,0.22126549815385468,0.10789487137756416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003211580333572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083582312612537,0.07939610377254036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670380238588399,0.09854144917012793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591370961292972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32695317920326883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708528129423956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238598106353666,0.06384201138815893,0.0,0.15819793912837554,0.11619580566413618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837414427497137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908553428964832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923625368263808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153646011660557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832319888653845
suicidewatch,Tropina13,2018/01/21,"Suicide jokes There is this girl at my school who always tells suicide jokes. It makes me feel bad because she makes it sound so trivial, even though I’ve attempted suicide before. I asked her to stop, but she told me that I was being too sensitive. What should I do?",4.181730769230768,5.7818775576923045,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.5,6.7384615384615385,26.461538461538463,7.1686216300943375,1.1476384615384618,211,7,42,2,4,64,42,52,0.237,0.71,0.053,-0.8536,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,10,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,9,2,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,28,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817167327837816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416377401214728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823452814729791,0.1331276070204495,0.0,0.1858325346096748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442435493780573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042379111407567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915520488290706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210208285590384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825825708643198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7166447431795261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908811812134939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214565599569726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208679577526436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zustrad,2018/01/21,"My sister told me she tried to slit her wrists My sister told me she tried to kill herself. She said she doesn't know why and that she is confused. She said that she told someone that she is with and she has roommates so I believe she will be ok. She said that she doesn't know why she did it and that she would never do it so that I should not worry. 

Well I am worrying because my closest friend tried to kill herself. She has anxiety and other mental health issues but is being treated. What should I do? Should I contact someone?",2.843055555555555,4.545233490740742,3.4029629629629667,92.03833333333334,75.2037037037037,5.540740740740741,24.037037037037038,5.82211442006289,0.41677037037037,419,13,87,2,9,131,55,108,0.111,0.84,0.049,-0.6969,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,0,1,18,2,1,0,1,15,26,7,2,4,2,2,0,0,1,5,1,3,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,7,3,28,4,4,12,0,2,0,0,0,0,28,1,0,1,1,70,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425052770762788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104092868691616,0.0,0.0,0.16826363557711962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538560800068365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874954624090126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588012336005538,0.0,0.0,0.33046204847511074,0.0,0.16415510267927358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050728349665116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518609878164353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42619138746373375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530835234764189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281241801277569,0.0,0.3041917107777162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428145475874873,0.0,0.2695260119892817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033395343218164,0.0,0.106092270932071,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emilykate1,2018/01/21,"I just want to end it I really want to end it

He broke up with me and at first I was a mess, then I was fine, and now I feel a mess again. I thought he loved me but he didn’t and that breaks my heart because I tried to give everything to him, but he’s not even why I want to die. I actually want to see him happy and see his life become perfect with me no longer in it

I don’t have a job and I can’t get one, I’ve been having sex with people to pay my rent but what’s the point in living in a house if I can’t eat and actually don’t want to be alive anyway? 

My family think I’m a waste, they all pretend to care but when I really need help no one is there for me

My best friend in the whole world doesn’t want to know me anymore and why would he I’m actually pathetic 

Honestly do I deserve any love anyway?? Things would just be easier for everyone if I wasn’t here, dad wouldn’t have to lend me money or pretend to like me, my siblings wouldn’t have to listen to me moan all the time or let me stay at their houses, Dan wouldn’t have to deal with my pathetic attempts to keep him in my life purely as a friend and really everyone would be better off with me dead. 

I want to do it so bad but I’m so scared and I don’t know how to... I don’t have any sharp knives in my house, any rope, I only have like 30 painkiller tablets... how many do I need to take to kill me?? I know I’m rambling it’s just my head isn’t straight and I don’t know what to do, but I’ve thought about this for nearly a year and it’s about time I just do it

I honestly just can’t believe he went from being my best friend and love of my life to a stranger and he doesn’t even care 

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suicidewatch,Ghost771,2018/01/21,"I don't know what to do anymore Since December my life has gone down hill. My relationship of 2 years that forced so many people out of my life ended abruptly and without any warning signs. I got fired from my job, and found out I have a small tumor behind my eye. Everything feels so empty and I have zero ideas as to how to feel okay again. I have tried for years to seek help through free means like church based group therapy as I do not have insurance of any kind. I have been on and off anti-depressants since I was 14 and now I have almost no one left in my life. I sit at home and just contemplate how I can find a way to end everything. 


This is a throw away account as my regular account has a name I use everywhere else. Please don't take that as a bad thing. ",4.291375000000002,4.472930387500004,5.03125,87.48875,70.125,8.9,26.625,8.841846274778883,1.6081375000000002,602,17,136,10,10,195,104,160,0.105,0.782,0.113,0.042,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,1,16,4,1,3,0,24,25,14,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,7,0,3,2,5,1,0,2,5,4,19,5,25,20,0,21,1,0,1,0,4,10,0,1,8,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284235991674372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075946868226175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513733568709438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340603431187393,0.0,0.12744422923775764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146469362939353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750733679862247,0.0,0.2703794168412552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274357809710756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543541443394017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395060405360875,0.0,0.0,0.16735689795237674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207651678185945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230832798889564,0.0,0.153105806379132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230684970832374,0.0,0.0,0.15146713693154346,0.0,0.0,0.1589463380811075,0.0838844542401615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583886833265113,0.0,0.32343280724568435,0.0745699733398366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474839416656996,0.0,0.16626475698143786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342973446344443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581820581785187,0.0,0.0,0.1675478938916086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638733563169646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525232511363419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476286635317355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455194496730467,0.0,0.10140421393871382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362945460925788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182802589616616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115491948828172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713513169560374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965844571857727
suicidewatch,Pro_Elo_Booster,2018/01/21,I've never felt this way before I think I'm ready to go,0.3728571428571428,0.5653505714285743,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,79.0,5.6000000000000005,14.0,3.1291,-1.3370571428571427,44,0,12,0,1,16,12,14,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44820189002023103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057360177197326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993484265199989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062407160942644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375023874868029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180876519716973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoctorDizzyspinner,2018/01/21,"bye that's it. just bye. nobody will give a shit. nobody will care. tomorrow morning i'll be gone. i'm a fucking failure. i'm sorry, but i need to fucking kill myself.",-1.5702857142857134,-0.04680917142857055,1.5314285714285705,92.98857142857143,112.14285714285714,3.1428571428571432,19.285714285714285,5.288315135182226,-0.06242857142857128,129,5,26,1,7,45,26,35,0.339,0.606,0.055,-0.8949,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,11,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33150679436443176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011822583854893,0.0,0.3119085206155709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597245480745921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410907500320621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337564657499142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639729847004877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jiji_le_jetplane,2018/01/21,"I am so fucking suicidal and I just need to rant because no one cares! My life is such a cliché it makes me want to die even more. I’m in high school, I’m moderately high functioning, I have friends, and I’ve been going through the most crippling depression for the last year for no reason. None of my friends actually care that I’m depressed or get what it’s like. Everyday I wake up and it’s like there’s literally something gnawing at my chest. It hurts so badly and I want it to stop. I always think that I could never kill myself, but some of the stuff I’ve been doing is so unhealthy and like logically I know it is but sometimes I after I go into my depressive episodes I can’t remember what happened after and it makes it really hard for me to care. The other day I had a full blown tears, hyper ventilation, hands numb panic attack (not for any specific reason just because I hate my life ;)) in our school bathroom during passing time and just went back to class like nothing happened. I actually feel like I’m going crazy and I think about ways to kill myself everyday. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it anymore. I’ve already started to reconcile it. My aspirations are too high for my level of motivation and I’d really rather die now than see myself disappoint everyone around me because of my depression! Or worse! Not have the ability to achieve any of it to begin with and just be using my depression as an excuse and fall into every trope imaginable! Yes I know how melodramatic this all sounds and I hate myself even more for it! Idk. I wish I could be better. ",3.4536759259259213,5.369169525,4.814722222222227,81.65287037037041,74.0625,7.9907407407407405,26.85185185185185,8.735056554316923,2.100285879629629,1288,48,247,26,27,428,170,320,0.245,0.621,0.134,-0.9934,0,1,1,0,0,4,27.0,1,0,0,3,20,28,6,1,9,1,17,7,3,7,2,56,51,21,5,7,11,0,3,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,20,17,0,1,13,0,0,6,8,17,0,1,5,5,37,11,36,42,7,35,0,7,1,1,4,14,1,4,19,166,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.17013903044856726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619897777343588,0.0,0.0725359783648107,0.0,0.0,0.11856298969042747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645345420343269,0.0,0.0,0.07173699879468952,0.07760358482160308,0.0,0.09917332021005593,0.0,0.06703163484554439,0.0727868765260445,0.15942188275117733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709856015989812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666399429770642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920312681016714,0.0,0.0,0.0562201942159562,0.0,0.3754153671754473,0.0,0.1809462642718591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515557006409145,0.0,0.07344808463949759,0.08329875344306419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407793162747115,0.06227731791499275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470125385852535,0.08059121050699067,0.045544959558740834,0.0,0.14862944451255256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417584310003407,0.0,0.07809102566718322,0.17213309331241455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763132162760876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332186202622607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289083384641206,0.0,0.0958174010663536,0.0710586673368179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314753387300455,0.21294473176620926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637900804239633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646386187087492,0.06723417331591047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364606586606065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907154334518819,0.0,0.0,0.10228022639829698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240786502223912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169214277613694,0.1792593426103282,0.0,0.0,0.09875145748689412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645003619569608,0.06946660893985558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711101416015589,0.08621758485125355,0.0,0.061702398979711325,0.0,0.0,0.07288159547620837,0.0,0.0,0.09979368610746996,0.09535450549909393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757326222482247,0.0,0.0,0.05083201951349192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529058240585794,0.0,0.0,0.10283528942385338,0.06919488012960409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081142425820466,0.0,0.0,0.10024611155201943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883803150170372,0.0,0.0953113824730932,0.0,0.05613737356999562
suicidewatch,RawAbbreviations,2018/01/21,"I'm so tired of life I'm 27M and I can't stand waking up early in the morning to go to the same shitty job every day in the same shitty city. There is nothing to do here besides get wasted and the only people I'd want to get wasted with live far away. I used to be addicted to online games like WoW to escape reality, but I lost interest after I'd explored everything in the game world and my friends quit.

My family is trying to force me to stay at this job because they don't believe I can do anything else. I just want to pack up and go somewhere and if I starve, so be it. I know my family loves me and would be devastated if I committed suicide, and I'm torn.

It's hard to make them understand anything. My dad and his wife get drunk at the bar every single night and call me with revelations like, ""You should become a television host for program XYZ if you hate that job."" I don't understand how they can be that clueless even when drunk and I end up feeling like shit because of it. My brothers are all assholes. One of them is a klepto and the other two (20 and 13) are Fortnight addicts who sit on the Xbox and cuss out their teammates all day and cuss out me too when I'm over to visit. I've tried taking them places and they are ungrateful pricks about it, begging for random shit like air brush tattoos and then asking to wait in the car while I go in the water park alone. I don't understand how they turned into such narcissists when we came from the same genes and upbringing. I've been in some stressful situations on WoW and can't imagine ever reacting to it by insulting people and using slurs about their IRL race.

I need to leave the area my family live in so I can go back to brief visits where we part on a positive note every time. If I die, I want a method where it looks like an accident so they won't think it was because of them.

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suicidewatch,Blunderofwonder,2018/01/21,"slowly giving up I hope this isn't too heavy or too much but I feel like I need to somehow vent this as I'm anonymous, it's easier to speak to people who don't know me with no prejudgement and that some of us are on this rocky boat and understand it. 

I've attempted to commit suicide several times and this was back in 2017, all these tend to happen during a moment of being so completely overwhelmed by small things including large things building up over time. I'm masking it to stop myself from showing signs of appearing to look like a person who moans about life or comes across as a negative nancy. I live in an area where if someone asked you if you're okay and you say no they shrug it off or give you shit responses of telling you to ""get a grip"" or ""stop moping about"" I don't want to lie to people no more and say that ""I'm fine"" where really I just want to chug down a bucket of pills or drown myself out with alcohol and pretend that the things in my life didn't happen and it was all a stupid nightmare. I get days of extreme anxiety and depression all combined into one, I cry, I sit there for a good hour staring into nothingness, I don't concentrate, I can't keep still, I have a horrible rolodex of thoughts where one nasty thought comes after another, my heart and mind race, I start to lose control of my actions and my body and everything becomes overwhelming sometimes. I really hope it isn't just me with this very quick overwhelming feeling where you can snap in seconds and lose yourself and end it all because it happened a lot lately and it's getting incredibly difficult to stay away from alcohol and xanax and constantly battling the dark feelings. Does anyone here relate to this? Like I really need reassuring with this as all I want is to lessen these feelings and know tips on how to manage my feelings better and try not kill myself through times like that. I just feel my behaviour and my coping mechanism is not healthy.",11.482096232748976,7.1283475509138405,10.422366654233496,69.06541122715409,59.130548302872064,14.076016411786648,42.76184259604625,11.491704259439757,4.651411935844834,1564,59,300,30,14,498,208,383,0.198,0.6809999999999999,0.121,-0.9881,0,0,2,0,0,3,24.0,1,5,1,5,19,22,4,3,12,1,15,9,3,2,6,76,52,32,3,9,13,0,7,4,0,0,6,3,0,1,27,28,2,4,11,2,0,4,14,11,0,3,5,12,36,11,55,46,9,44,0,6,2,0,18,22,1,13,20,208,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083134782198994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098526242510076,0.07187986506545885,0.0,0.0,0.06569967682588262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784079895229621,0.0,0.08827940000105731,0.07225016616138377,0.0,0.05727771941846959,0.10377248063840837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310081941446705,0.0,0.10436942693303404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187806696875834,0.09851626222266564,0.10153840035123453,0.10538518848606912,0.0,0.0,0.10321168504414917,0.060597035759125575,0.0,0.08092842348381392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222585538654788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322150740000434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444603793378999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850568593297486,0.06712571724994462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727214561519492,0.18027179881795427,0.0,0.07880998197675076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492680577099781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113441711804234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664883702877494,0.09253260296228133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351680437389207,0.10395386319104144,0.0,0.10327695518910887,0.0,0.10599203761222054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327347871671465,0.1836182845756456,0.0,0.08296923509772358,0.0,0.07890352838800788,0.21023652437168291,0.0,0.07988223461130031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487376830175737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907210520922084,0.1393416989727466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734073492116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028137572611032,0.08204307215853518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805813604223908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494430281525814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614912193037432,0.09644955887886117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961280303373741,0.0,0.09292977630472236,0.0,0.06650603985882741,0.10014986452502476,0.0750373313444315,0.1571111131451935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277802238332333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212600665264805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727042848044154,0.0,0.0,0.14918898817579607,0.16436814638182495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379331329563594,0.0,0.0,0.09781665653424634,0.11302344666427652,0.0,0.0,0.07752761928088828,0.16626179784919706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jojoflap,2018/01/21,"I really want to die, but I know my family would be devastated if I died. Anyone else? I love my family and I love my friends. But I feel I am turning into a failure and I want to die. I am doing poorly in college, I am ugly and only getting uglier, and I am becoming a poor example for my younger siblings. And I am too lazy to fix any of this. And that's what I ultimately hate about myself. It's one of the most bullshit excuses and I hate it. But I'm too lazy to fix my fucking laziness.",0.6216037735849085,2.3202434245283072,4.12890566037736,84.34015094339625,81.73584905660377,7.258867924528303,24.75094339622641,8.238735603445708,1.6634520754716986,377,15,82,8,10,140,61,106,0.399,0.472,0.129,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,0,18,20,11,3,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,20,3,10,18,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,2,0,61,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218736254683606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531261099688365,0.18362887463036312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793096597546025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579964869141967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971270842535228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378994531872975,0.0,0.09061744047805743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846251857967373,0.16568311968205693,0.09363342401750796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538791354678758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984929115013308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32350046646288194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144199751182128,0.1363025146944035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481092381357688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949365043521529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141352087859924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731053109331128,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tcelr1993,2018/01/21,"suicide note and explination im a 24yo single parent to a beautiful 3 year old. i love her but i hate myself. she deserves better. i am pregnant by my on off boyfriend (not my daughters dad) whome, i love and adore despite the ups and downs. i suffer fro mental illness and find it hard to do normal things. lately i find it hard to wash, get out of bed, tidy up, eat ect. i feel like a tramp and my parents help with my baby girl but im letting her down. i am about 4.5 months pregnant, i didnt know and me and my ex, who i love, split up in september after he knocked me unconcious with a brick. i dont remember having sex with him but i must have as im preg. i had postnatal with y daughter, and my brain is shutting down with this pegnancy. i wish i could raise it but i cant even raise my 3yo. im such a fail, my termination is booked for tuesday 1pm, then i will go home and take my life as my princess will be at nursery. the sooner i do it the less she will remember me, thus less pain for her. this is why i am having an abortion as it is more humane than letting poor baby die slowly inside my dead body. whoever finds this, please let my baby girl know that she is perfect, intelligent and the best thing ive ever acheived. i love you so much s****y your perfect. i dont know how she will find this, but i hope she does xxx",1.154710519162819,2.881094409893997,2.9567667844522987,93.25071962489807,80.1660777385159,5.908616471867356,22.192035879315032,6.8449194561589275,0.4366744767599888,1030,32,236,11,26,343,164,283,0.132,0.659,0.209,0.9822,2,0,0,0,1,1,37.0,0,2,0,5,6,15,1,0,10,0,29,12,2,2,4,43,43,21,3,5,6,6,3,1,0,5,4,0,2,3,13,16,1,1,10,1,1,1,5,4,0,0,2,3,50,11,29,31,6,21,0,2,0,5,27,12,0,1,9,158,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262530200297476,0.0864879235309887,0.0,0.10862341766495144,0.0,0.1091667578029308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807791327012617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149130304837138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557729686722967,0.0,0.22921993426809276,0.0,0.0,0.10006429524554207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645898322693379,0.08845728294595635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944591406239709,0.06986169259680353,0.0,0.0,0.35751569721976434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109160237712481,0.0,0.055576705992931394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520251071751647,0.09654806640150572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554704203449283,0.0,0.09809204122216847,0.09712822603817996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225229295922104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612296268408513,0.0,0.11031216429020577,0.0,0.0,0.2999928358381221,0.06907246043602598,0.047775594353841815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530396837404016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855002071793316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780556003850737,0.0,0.07188741333180526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581411892284096,0.0,0.0,0.10261488504380682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405619505480472,0.0,0.21716998980551191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734481795945297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215555902986261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696714909898486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735264330159595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299355859717892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824089256170986,0.0,0.11245447401623014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297400188126605
suicidewatch,Burneraccount839405,2018/01/21,"What does it look like when someone is about to commit suicide? I've never known anyone who killed themselves, but I find myself now in a dark place where I'm thinking about it near constantly. Yes, I'm in therapy, taking medication, and talking to friends, and sometimes I wonder if I'm just being dramatic, and yet... Ifind really want to end myself. 

I don't know what sort of mental state someone has to be in to kill themselves and I guess I'm curious if I'm idealizing a concept or I'm actually pretty close to the edge. 

What should I expect to feel or think if/when I'm about to kill myself? What's the big red flag; is there one? ",4.065503875968993,5.016247798449612,5.458914728682172,81.45410852713181,71.01550387596897,8.213953488372093,27.511627906976752,8.515128840125781,1.895874418604652,502,17,100,8,9,169,81,129,0.132,0.7,0.168,0.3026,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,0,4,1,7,1,0,0,2,26,23,10,4,6,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,8,3,16,20,0,15,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,7,7,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.16337968646081824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170653303455393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092366590138406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651208938639182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482861670911175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465357572746487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302064246480787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293497944784502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443416923573086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5556827943342374,0.0,0.09201073323644972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179391505340339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059228389586054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686600155678703,0.16872196216781488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129126140272986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344945607187985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749203189725907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703283271975057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725479755463052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28371217446254515,0.0,0.16558460387682802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831324554982442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588048139695274,0.13456743324824985,0.0,0.0,0.19146160739519646,0.0,0.0,0.2145544693209735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874981242623007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815619787768896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StrongMazer,2018/01/21,"32 years old, and ready to give up For the first time in my life, I'm on the verge of being where I want to be.  I have a very promising career, a solid, stable income, family that loves me and is helping me out from past financial mistakes, but something is missing.  My girlfriend left me almost two months ago, and I can't stop thinking about how much I love her and how I let the best thing to ever happen to me slip away.  

I thought I'd be happy with how my career is going, but I still just feel the same - fucking sad.  I can't keep doing this, and have to make a change.  I'm giving myself one week to say goodbye to everyone, then it's time.",5.5311974789915945,4.2069521617647085,6.303319327731098,84.47529411764708,67.82352941176471,8.653781512605041,28.252100840336126,6.868970318607317,1.2998542016806722,498,12,110,3,7,165,94,136,0.062,0.7070000000000001,0.231,0.9713,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,7,0,12,4,0,4,1,24,28,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,1,2,17,5,17,23,3,22,0,2,0,3,8,8,1,1,13,78,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977787837360812,0.0,0.16919471905995093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874881610121713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731905427169478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787432828357484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283912884335324,0.0,0.16145394579763206,0.0,0.0,0.15928580326705122,0.0,0.08543412343760605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372211903775733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620604625079948,0.0,0.3241745485180493,0.09602708838719877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494157906708132,0.17986710569338155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325413204169076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501844577415969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835817030831468,0.17277885310569796,0.11934545498711573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049962417621516,0.0,0.11278590182806487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486679182185898,0.0,0.12420921446510955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773010555392965,0.0,0.11449551599779195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612968581199418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436828860141226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007803352116215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493620838135034,0.14126287224338366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225328827820794,0.1082663836615177,0.0,0.1341398743532605,0.19705049077175235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505491532747502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941437952500246,0.09966033438946424,0.0,0.13553407470623474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880835660748013
suicidewatch,trowavayakount,2018/01/21,"being suicidal has become a lifestyle suicide is always in the forefront of my mind. I say to myself ""I'm going to kill myself"" or ""I'm going to shoot myself in the head"" a dozen times a day, out loud. 

the extent of my social media interaction has deteriorated to browsing, posting and commenting on suicide memes. 

I'm relatively certain I'm getting fired from my shit job on Monday, and while this feels like a blessing, I don't know what else to do. I have no money, a ton of debt, no skills, no education, and no other options. 

I stick around for my family's sake but the sad truth is I feel no real connection to any of them. I feel like my suicide would be like the last straw for their opinions of me, and prove that I truly am some kind of a sociopath. 

when I get in tough situations/confrontations at work or home, I'm only able to get through them when I remind myself that death will make everything okay.",6.277087912087908,5.802163412087919,7.262945054945058,75.40705494505497,65.978021978022,9.697582417582417,31.386813186813182,9.120678840339163,2.550457582417582,719,24,139,11,10,243,113,182,0.228,0.667,0.105,-0.9712,2,0,0,1,0,4,23.0,0,0,3,2,3,12,2,0,11,1,12,2,2,1,3,23,27,10,6,1,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,2,2,6,4,0,1,0,6,22,8,25,23,3,18,1,1,0,0,7,8,1,5,10,93,27,2,0.13997953955127526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647419043377613,0.0,0.0,0.09519088699781078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461146758640927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459640380049994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027522279219552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693494351289035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580458421587146,0.0,0.13196025202895265,0.0,0.21233358333506647,0.20000282204933106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940059591931813,0.0,0.15910719631348913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365939167774666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404108914039584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389080938073566,0.0,0.15486662081927718,0.1457671498107541,0.07692909415616384,0.11410200755455785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051607971552992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343742960941456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413394312656041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646074754837552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406170497149386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932736143059265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131734821849733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368698578934935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426915125334403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6124595866819118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162319519798666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190677194159817,0.0,0.0,0.09943744868803307,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AshTheSwan,2018/01/21,"If I killed myself tomorrow, I will have been alone for all of my life. The weird thing about this to me is that I don’t know if it makes me want to end it more or less. What if I reached out to someone I had a crush on tomorrow and got rejected? Suicide after that would be putting a terrible burden on them. But I don’t have the confidence to do anything any other way. I feel trapped in my shitty half life where nothing interesting happens and every day is the same grind of bland grey shit. Any potential option has consequences that harm me or the people around me, who I don’t hate but do slightly resent, in a roundabout way.",4.931640625,5.2722226328125,5.4921875000000036,84.18406250000002,68.765625,8.9,30.0625,8.841846274778883,2.1766062500000003,499,18,104,8,8,161,86,128,0.233,0.726,0.042,-0.9637,0,3,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,10,4,0,7,0,15,3,1,1,1,19,22,9,2,5,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,3,2,16,1,15,16,4,15,0,1,1,0,2,7,1,6,5,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023328651438204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28920810280134185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498648925980453,0.1892967240067064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713668785489816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833795647190216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916030346775652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751833278388907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006946736187467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880388778875328,0.0,0.0,0.20994024136955894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352571921901936,0.0,0.11686264343582392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003910809694362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419403821113369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040360156156944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741939215704725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376423717152016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827425853452126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801711252393558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325961558573923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127009114802466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542193408311436,0.3375711098058582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105498430292605,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cocochapstick,2018/01/21,"kind of a weird place right now before my story adds to any stress on your part, i would like to emphasize that i am not suicidal right now. i have no intention of causing self-harm in any way right now.

this is going to be sounding kind of strange but i guess i'm recognizing this ahead of time and am a little proactive in my concern for it. 

i sort of came to this conclusion internally and while i've joked it with friends, i guess i'm slightly serious regarding the idea on the inside. 

i've sort of set a deadline for myself to commit suicide. not right now, not this year, but age 50. i guess i saw how hunter s. thompson did it and that made me put it off for a later date if i don't have any kind of life by then.

so i guess that's kind of a weird place to be put into, wanting help for 20 something years down the line, but realistically i don't know if that belongs under just regular depression with long-term goals or if that's actually a concern for having suicide being an aim. i wouldn't want that to necessarily progress, but i'm also not scared of it, so that has me somewhat worried.

i'm not suicidal due to any major factors in my life, but more the absence of anything. my current 'career' has me basically living life as a neet with my parents effectively. artwork commissions has me afloat and keeping the government at bay mostly, but time and life are a bit of a blur. i actually started the day out feeling very strongly, but at lunch, the wind was taken out of my sails hard and i seriously thought about calling suicide hotline to get some advice.

this might be something that the answer is i probably should go see a psychologist for my issues, but i guess i wanted to make sure i shouldn't be more concerned about this right now. if there's some kind of like...strange step of 'setting a date' for suicide. if there is, i've never heard of it but i'd hate to find out i'm somehow one panic attack away from doing something irreparable.

and apologies to anyone who's going through something more immediate or worse than me, but i'm unsure what to do with these feelings at the moment.",6.4167344831147375,5.9206296840855135,6.964372611793866,77.73352163585669,65.69833729216151,9.602024166064238,34.21883713725085,8.964715089967882,2.789501208303212,1671,67,330,24,23,550,211,421,0.151,0.7509999999999999,0.098,-0.9763,2,0,4,0,0,5,38.0,0,1,0,6,15,20,2,3,21,0,28,5,0,6,3,79,60,31,6,12,23,1,3,1,1,5,4,2,0,0,23,17,1,1,9,1,0,7,11,10,0,1,8,7,32,10,63,42,10,56,0,1,2,0,8,24,0,21,23,222,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.13576783318382307,0.0,0.0,0.06797662231592774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562988553302328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189222192739971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864039889614415,0.0,0.05724481243244056,0.0,0.0,0.07913849490658202,0.06535717430914488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919339332238688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759452975194556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103208526506764,0.07956208306135254,0.0,0.07146085059114078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486268629690755,0.0,0.05991491877077292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034676584801071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357975556779455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053744567943346006,0.0,0.03634404437025617,0.0,0.1186035771779282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831600498296778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231520961406217,0.06867952943143198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662693071273203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852869556768785,0.0,0.07260619436084279,0.0,0.061831212504183775,0.0,0.3621982705823653,0.038230266417371934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653895748422706,0.06797039983967325,0.06972087656478147,0.061425822564645814,0.06156148601709404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582264167409364,0.04643415948809977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379585356299996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365164009069767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713801072955403,0.0,0.0,0.0816177491962696,0.07724200629997716,0.07533046411859533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535805032547422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500119123143548,0.0,0.0,0.13986101113759872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970341362496368,0.0,0.0,0.06964517355590924,0.0,0.055433082870677684,0.0,0.07256987527440292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142134453516268,0.0,0.0,0.04923738538789638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968472516395236,0.0,0.0,0.4565469038513358,0.0,0.06556275159358685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055225628544675616,0.08112604294863285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573971518502997,0.12309101900162026,0.05521624825204729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064508518326308,0.07089112362697197,0.04941589650711707,0.0,0.0,0.08959319387367892
suicidewatch,yermuminbed,2018/01/21,"dying on my birthday Idk why I'm posting this here too but ehh why not.Everything's bad. I feel so worthless and shitty. I'm a homebody introverted (or autistic, idk) person. I have 0 friends irl. I sleep a lot, 10 to 12 hours a day. I go to college, God I hate that place. I recently succeeded all my final exams and I'm currently on holiday. My eating habits are shitty. I've always been  trying to ignore it and to convince myself that life is worth living and to enjoy the little things, but that doesn't seem to work anymore. I have no one to talk to, my online friends don't give a shit and my family is too religious, and honestly no one could really help. Even the person that I love is distancing himself from me cause apparently I'm clingy, he mentioned that in a fight we had recently, which obviously made everything worse, but hey at least I learned that loving someone and wanting to spend time with them is C L I N G Y lol. My brain just doesn't stop going on about how much of a fuck up I am no matter how hard I tried to occupy myself. I used to cut myself to make it stop, but I don't wanna do that again. I just wanna end it. I'm super lonely. I'm exhausted. I've been really doing my best since I was 13. I'm 17 now and I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. In fact I used to make suicidal jokes with my friends and I never really thought I'd ever actually kill myself, I always thought that life is shitty and I'd just deal with it and keep moving, but now it's hitting me: what for? Why should I keep dealing with my brain and with every shitty aspect of my life?  My birthday is the next friday, and I'm thinking to end my life on that same day. I'm gonna slit my wrist and bleed to death. It breaks my heart knowing that my family would have to find and see my lifeless body, I'm terribly sorry to them, but I really did my best, I can't take it anymore. As much as I want it to stop, my brain just wouldn't, and it's so exhausting to have to deal with that every single fucking day. I can't seek help cause I can't afford it, and If I talk to my family about it they'll just start giving me useless religious advice like they always do. So yeah, gg life, no re. ",1.5309897718332053,3.1751684236559186,3.7798373983739846,88.16341463414636,78.74193548387099,6.945187516391293,21.448990296354577,7.8500785054351265,0.8743679517440337,1707,47,373,28,41,589,219,465,0.192,0.611,0.197,-0.258,3,2,0,0,1,4,51.0,1,0,4,5,20,30,7,0,9,2,33,21,8,10,5,78,74,32,4,9,13,0,2,1,3,5,8,0,0,2,28,24,1,6,9,2,2,3,14,15,0,2,9,3,59,15,45,58,9,37,0,3,1,4,26,11,3,4,22,232,87,5,0.0,0.0,0.07299922427443539,0.0,0.0,0.07309891572240627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673211450628668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837359954519844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245933704631738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570071853712507,0.0,0.0,0.08309187276489312,0.0,0.2505225082540516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369138732829588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972597967043156,0.0,0.0,0.14472977383858585,0.2313630727968954,0.0,0.0,0.07763613611984074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654454138514975,0.0,0.0,0.13251066154881974,0.0,0.0,0.049408223753222034,0.06766571571468001,0.12605345614091096,0.0,0.1344604381893551,0.0,0.21155946051549607,0.0,0.03782382922888099,0.0,0.0,0.08194559714472414,0.0683707285763802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338326804628185,0.13831266899399658,0.0,0.14352020328798815,0.0850272009908701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701089434293768,0.07385478952499272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864469200135015,0.10028088958947437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366819477584671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298085247164396,0.08276102904379552,0.0,0.04111106035690455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26418613119923273,0.03654611217961575,0.07497460606993231,0.0660544886441118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359682782158352,0.13502948587383995,0.07078262456169893,0.14979944260628794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950624144460502,0.10998106909852796,0.0,0.0576944923672655,0.0,0.07955633126307192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013800732147933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063428081121833,0.07815566225791601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164284078848758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191688873710192,0.0,0.14772250387838792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961017354119661,0.06809997506129654,0.0,0.0,0.07678660993065038,0.06187975300683037,0.0,0.07485936683879818,0.0,0.06338232463784882,0.0,0.0,0.08373845743690468,0.05294760701898159,0.0,0.0,0.18762184971736026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182490418752536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624430853265101,0.12025140276028055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969734615836609,0.09586448697709032,0.0,0.118774173507537,0.043619597255311865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157583551767528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921559729845908,0.0,0.0,0.08824425925299567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250056134343075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445918086028408,0.0,0.07623303563673077,0.05313956962045918,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sementhe,2018/01/21,"Is there anyone out there who actually got through all this? I dunno I just want some stories of people who actually make it. That might just give me hope, I haven’t been feeling too well. I mean I’m sure there are people out there who have had it WAY WORSE than I have, so thinking they got through it or learning how they did, maybe it’s a good start to positive thinking. ",1.6022368421052633,3.9078513289473698,2.5544736842105285,93.66881578947368,81.76315789473685,5.378947368421053,22.657894736842106,6.6274283507984215,0.4301105263157883,295,10,64,3,8,93,53,76,0.048,0.743,0.209,0.8679,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,2,19,21,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,8,4,7,15,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,5,1,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.42320215954908347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161707579369216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096390158332404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800926507814527,0.0,0.18187211243573734,0.3468478080350844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536750436074986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474000292546346,0.0,0.21784134194988344,0.2361984435366329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300291892509239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006541610595935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347794347204058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043657721399952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778800618500367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789574634136,0.17211466777131273,0.0,0.0,0.19496199445819706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097485028854602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shintaigou,2018/01/21,"I've given up. Hello everyone, 
 I've been facing severe depression after My best friend and cousin died from Drug Related Deaths. and It's been eating away at my subconscious. I blame myself everyday because it is my fault I tell myself and only blame myself for allowing them to succumb to depression an drug abuse. 
 After my cousin died I lost my job from the severe depression and unable to cope and was sent away. I received the help I needed to ""keep going"" but little did I know I would be charged more money than i could ever dream of making for trying to stay alive. 
 I was finally able to get a vehicle my first one too, too bad I've been given a ticket for not having my license and only a permit for having no one to bring with me to work I stopped driving my car and crashed it. This resulted me in losing another job and a suspension of my driving record for not being able to pay the ticket off. 
 Anybody I ask for help rejects me and only wants Currency. I was manipulated into fixing cars for two people and in return they shunned me and I never realized how much regret I had for trying to help some depressed people never realizing how depressed I am myself. 
 I'm now im crippling debt, I'm getting kicked out of my house, my driving record is getting suspended, and My vehicle is still broken, and My so called ""friends"" Won't help me after they saw how depressed i've become being manipulated and used by them. 
 I'm also labled a drug addict because I smoke marijuana, But it's the only thing that numbs the pain when nothing else and no one else wishes to help me. 
 I wanna commit suicide, because theres no point in living, I'm a reject, im a loser, and in everyones eyes a drug addict. 
 I can't even afford the help I need, because asking for help is what caused me to go into further depression from this fucking crippling debt we call the american health care system. 
 I have no one who can help me, because In reality it's true no one really cares about me. I'm just a 21 year old man who can't hold a job because he hears the voices of his dead friend and cousin everyday. 
 I have no idea what to do, If I continue living i'm going to go into more debt end up homeless, and starve myself even more just to ""live another day?"" 
I've decided to spend the last few days of my life giving my belongings to my mother and hopefully end it on Valentines day so I can also die on a special Day just like my best friend. 
 It's insane how, my depression gave me no energy to do anything. but after realizing that my debt is just going to increase I must do something now before someone gets fucked over for trying to keep me alive 

I wanna thank everyone for reading this. I never got a chance to spill my heart out like this and I now feel content and less embarrassed about my decision. 

P.S Thank you Reddit. for giving me the courage. ",5.368783068783066,5.715932862433868,6.54457848324515,76.99517460317463,67.8183421516755,9.160776014109349,29.603880070546737,9.081645337920577,2.4467264197530856,2251,76,420,38,35,760,260,567,0.241,0.604,0.155,-0.9957,9,0,6,0,1,3,46.0,1,1,4,7,25,37,2,1,23,0,32,16,3,12,7,80,77,34,6,12,10,4,1,2,4,3,10,2,0,1,18,28,1,4,8,4,8,14,15,21,0,7,15,5,72,16,71,55,10,67,0,14,2,2,39,22,2,3,31,292,90,6,0.1124546741471028,0.06662020006995935,0.0,0.1225921937536762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992996228668337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791853094690273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627030753192588,0.0,0.10512994006239217,0.0,0.10565486814270934,0.0,0.04694747783897684,0.20565397678057484,0.062098676240218996,0.047845322510533014,0.0,0.11801424261533244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482879549050998,0.0,0.1146550350041244,0.05776096370736455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044892953393172313,0.0,0.0,0.1450479233636109,0.0,0.3874281842458057,0.0,0.17506529619200847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082344002899577,0.05753460299633203,0.09394145038129008,0.0,0.09960146297867516,0.0,0.0,0.07427525168887025,0.05086084545882557,0.0,0.16118289043011794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028430231066835062,0.0,0.0,0.061594299393552224,0.0,0.04782694419101436,0.0,0.0,0.17376440458034245,0.10396253417851876,0.11750585169270104,0.10787677042283854,0.159776457091953,0.0,0.044970137922713135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059767030000366914,0.06337229536027793,0.06662966515623121,0.30150399055203003,0.0,0.0,0.05584643264744967,0.0,0.06487879775609545,0.0,0.06347381954104847,0.12147034539784053,0.0,0.16739086807518186,0.09995488136211092,0.0,0.0,0.03090107398372415,0.045832784277654685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971503101495786,0.05493967348327571,0.0563545631991574,0.14894930630554432,0.0,0.0,0.06290400778948889,0.061378780466691325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753218410902338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04133356234938259,0.08338371597207453,0.13009796596950507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053951646381739375,0.0,0.0590011318025317,0.0,0.190505493879797,0.17105369418112895,0.05982985096828325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796191168963595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053153007815971084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624255298949982,0.0,0.03602067191256823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704177283583432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047641240237814665,0.043286551098367335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059930860035155215,0.04490322401875039,0.04700857148698025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150358069237216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914517092248517,0.10353315519269236,0.0,0.0,0.03735494431674274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452401304080402,0.0,0.054925938169238166,0.0,0.0,0.04856236615288599,0.0,0.0,0.03316434020605094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465866273088433,0.0,0.0,0.04093417105389792,0.0,0.0,0.0399422870159389,0.0,0.0,0.03620856158970772
suicidewatch,loveisfree207,2018/01/21,"Scared because suicidal thoughts are appearing I am on Accutane right now and I know it can increase anxiety and suicidal tendency. Recently I have been doubting my boyfriend, thinking that he's been lying to me all this while etc. Of course, when I confronted him there's always a good explanation. But now I'm lying in bed thinking of all the things I don't know about him, how he can just leave me without any trace, ghosting me, i feel like killing myself. Like I wanna kill myself because I have been so stupid and I don't deserve to live and don't see the point of living too. How do I get these thoughts to go away?",4.35821138211382,5.6970880731707325,4.897723577235773,84.29016260162601,70.70731707317074,8.393495934959349,31.55284552845529,8.841846274778883,2.5403918699187003,495,22,98,9,9,158,80,123,0.282,0.645,0.073,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,4,2,3,0,13,0,0,2,2,21,25,10,5,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,5,2,18,3,12,20,4,13,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,7,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442522375182457,0.0,0.0,0.11789305759191368,0.0,0.13262252727953253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288062205179446,0.0,0.0,0.21136144034682466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334601870567408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765774455347497,0.12385084834302112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057522173318693,0.0,0.09852641597249473,0.1454089956219699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836018346531847,0.0,0.1905519827345437,0.0,0.0,0.18356681000293892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693932016495715,0.0,0.3061661185671162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388444998663654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711754438110144,0.0,0.0,0.1480513972471076,0.0,0.0,0.17356700793143742,0.0,0.13814818519412805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379262845439558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151749403312478,0.22216853455893,0.0,0.2752623510927853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711613211570633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marcie_Childs,2018/01/21,"Going to bad neighborhood and asking if somebody there can kill me I've climbed 100 feet up a cell phone tower, but was too much of a pussy to jump. 

I've held a knife to my eye, but my damn survival instinct won't let me just get it over with. 

I don't have access to a gun myself, but thankfully, I live in one of the most dangerous cities in the US. Stockton, California. What kind of results do you think I would get if I started approaching random people in the hood and asking them calmly if they had a gun they could kill me with? 

Maybe it's a stupid idea. I know that a lot of people are killed here.  So I just figure maybe somebody out there would be willing to kill me. ",3.290851063829788,4.160673865248229,4.21963829787234,89.92350000000002,72.75886524822695,7.058439716312058,24.0290780141844,7.1686216300943375,0.7430873758865242,529,14,117,5,10,171,91,141,0.269,0.6890000000000001,0.041,-0.991,1,0,0,2,0,3,13.0,1,1,3,2,7,11,7,0,10,0,14,2,2,1,0,25,24,9,4,6,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,8,0,1,3,1,18,3,17,14,3,11,0,0,1,0,9,6,1,6,1,82,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843966634603403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700193729169212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144405437995695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589379397469303,0.0,0.08644519585856922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717088631825021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6731298484978556,0.15839471887001927,0.08359333538187794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553842199939175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431215285543766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931485860885406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056213152946917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181521852022326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030707842088077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109019328686342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766122383564962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003852697361333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746321478353334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829644738407045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161031034844446,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foxy_Wanna_Die,2018/01/21,"Need different points of view than the ones i have... So recently it turned to shit with my girlfriend... 
We have problems communicating because she puts walls up and wont explain what she means.
Therefore leaving me to guess everything constantly...
Shes been acting up recently about me ""assuming things"" but really everytime i ask to understand (whatever the fuckin topic is) she simply replies ""I don't know and shut down""

It as been causing big issues in trust for me since a while... (the accumulation of months of self doubt and accusations. I felt like i appologised for more that 40 hours...)

At the beguining of our relationship she cheated on me with her ex... she said she felt bad and so i forgave her...

The accumulation of lack of explainations and walls that constantly block my path at understanding wtf is going lead  me to trust-issues related to my own past emotionnal traumas (example: ex girlfriend lying about being faithful but she wasnt, rape, ex girlfriend being an abusive escort, fear of abandonment, fear of getting attached too quick etc...)

We had an argument the whole day where she would constantly assume that i wanted to dump her ""I personally thought that she wanted to dump me since a week..."" and she then accused me of starting shit and assuming stuff when i'm constantly forced to guess because she cant seem to open up....

Then she said some mean comment about her not understanding why i havent made another step in the relashionship... she expect us to get married (only 1 year in relationship, havent even tried to live together yet) and she cant communicate with me.... she says that she doesnt open up because she is afraid ill leave... but im panicked by the idea of staying because she doesnt open up!

She comes from a religious familly. Mine is atheist.
She is politically centered (uncarring) i'm so to the extreme left that if you sit to my left you fall the fuck off the earth.(constantly emotionally fucked by what is happening in the world)

It been a year that we are together and i feel like i barely know her since she opened up so little but at the same time i've grown to think that she doesnt fuckin know anything about herself (her taste, her hobbies, her talent)....

Its seems extremely abstract to me to expect to get a wedding with someone in such a situation help.... i need advices, point of view, whatever...

I'm still trying to make it work even if at some times its seems abusive....",4.947990884454299,6.947424261640798,5.491398743532893,78.00533659768418,70.24168514412419,9.002241931510225,30.93132544961813,9.516144504307137,3.006850652870165,1926,83,349,45,36,619,230,451,0.196,0.758,0.046,-0.9977,1,0,0,0,0,0,93.0,5,2,0,2,17,23,10,4,21,0,27,9,2,5,0,72,69,24,0,11,7,3,3,2,3,2,1,3,0,2,18,21,1,2,22,0,0,8,11,18,0,1,11,9,65,5,62,54,8,67,1,1,2,5,58,34,6,13,25,233,83,2,0.0,0.18403097334249735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588934864645243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143424217612512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390831701957543,0.0,0.07260247333692918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484362125608598,0.1893654951448204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977915377846638,0.0,0.06689800287059937,0.0,0.3356954441262962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008486632035412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113912830539216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735807802351947,0.0,0.0,0.08661245046968126,0.10258860562717992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979662401325447,0.0,0.0,0.17478024383408694,0.03926769275750809,0.05548097415994591,0.14913331711371178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359253151397158,0.1217238703749294,0.0,0.04413648845991199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110450986384612,0.0,0.06867529185181563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205447520953672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648035900736838,0.0,0.0,0.0876697216432745,0.08388711634136188,0.16211563946598204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804122585750624,0.0,0.0,0.16446339413339414,0.1687576257005507,0.0,0.0,0.07588240185130679,0.07783664044044762,0.06857601195361644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348463681558001,0.0518392647125054,0.0,0.0,0.16919100997231198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061988202504579475,0.0,0.0,0.11516917087565708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052625046801084485,0.05906462642135205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413613217476146,0.0,0.06781051663822665,0.0,0.0,0.14682933636017975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431100861394205,0.0,0.07807067102376176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049751571637127436,0.0,0.15336157163159728,0.16675752075297096,0.0,0.0,0.14774663124514475,0.061759077764821035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209874452312846,0.0810172729726571,0.0,0.15943562923793392,0.1927257375988256,0.08729412384557894,0.0,0.0,0.06580184240667153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496879631317431,0.08277620371854673,0.06202010811817639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889031690127007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159446199910784,0.049761979388620016,0.0,0.06165409277572111,0.09056940971592384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545332881446212,0.08447277609850974,0.0,0.2425432583482735,0.0934165202361979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161284117988387,0.0,0.06229490266409065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007689762573525,0.08670563967687757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653807204201115,0.0,0.0,0.05516808677660518,0.0,0.0,0.10002216783630476
suicidewatch,heavymetalmermaid,2018/01/22,"I know my life will end in suicide. I don't know when or how It's been about 4 or 5 months since my ex abandoned me and left me. I was really depressed and I was a really bad place and he said he'd be there for me. And then he blocked me and refused to talk to me, I don't understand why. Since he left all I feel is worthless and broken. He was right to leave, im a bad person. I'm a monster. The pain that I've been feeling just doesn't fucking end. I start to feel better and then I fall again. And then my family gets upset with me because I can't get over him. It just feels like my depression will never end. I know in the end I'll end up killing myself, it's the only way to make this all stop. I would rather die than live without him.",-0.5608768406961175,1.2870489096385571,1.7259437751004008,99.11420348058904,87.01204819277109,4.893708165997324,17.655957161981252,6.139981653823899,-0.4929842034805887,573,14,144,5,18,193,96,166,0.284,0.677,0.039,-0.992,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,2,1,6,0,15,3,0,2,3,33,30,15,3,2,6,1,4,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,5,9,0,4,8,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,6,5,25,2,14,19,2,24,0,4,0,1,12,8,1,2,15,87,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592145987409405,0.07517011398854866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905982520513896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241763394057891,0.0,0.12797883586985725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5460910683133761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162479863424874,0.0,0.24940188292628795,0.08809442604333782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140003563326542,0.12885131235005834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319858705469756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642693572574102,0.0,0.20330786314753846,0.0,0.0,0.1305700605540227,0.2679586363005733,0.0,0.08709921748719952,0.06024422551241757,0.0,0.10888713662414908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231200588135586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842680673479454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510614951093664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378466118948638,0.13121312179639416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767165922006247,0.12883524570267274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799420303945938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053081431406528,0.11729836107288713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401063601372574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728117403890509,0.0,0.0,0.1030947146979435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488378616521474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991138618311857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837259053451458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787966878206793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127028983737136,0.0,0.0,0.11886878401140427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759761366992601,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redgoldgreen2,2018/01/22,"PLEASE KILL ME I want to die so badly I have a shit life and nothing I ever do is any good everyone hates me and wants me dead I have been abandoned by family,friends and everyone else I'm homeless and just don't want to live another day please kill me someone I'm to scared to end it myself even tho I have tried many times and failed in all",0.5074324324324309,2.6129964324324355,2.2093918918918938,95.69760135135138,84.67567567567569,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.33578918918918976,272,8,63,4,8,89,50,74,0.39,0.499,0.11,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,3,1.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,4,1,1,0,7,2,1,0,2,12,13,7,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,10,1,6,12,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009165305852555,0.185176792989975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745067319578914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389011151446432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183279251374401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475236875047847,0.0,0.1564120528248935,0.0,0.0,0.11664030068744242,0.15974161440435472,0.0,0.3374909834784567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643799205100895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812073764570868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435244991662252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907556507631363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473530695796815,0.0,0.0,0.15593791543056662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790410992502429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694490725634689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876997788697839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768038705982143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127373523514576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962961309746872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029748198424746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989740874450287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124835144232081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nooneis_here,2018/01/22,"Might get a nice gift for myself on birthday So. I turn 18 on 28th January. 

I have considered suicide before many times. And i havent backed off from the idea. 

So i plan to make small Bday party 1 week after my birthday becouse reasons. I am considering to kill myself @28th January. Why on 28th? My brother is in another city, no one is here to watch me and i am free to do whatever i want. I can just OD or hang myself. And i am thinking about short drop hanging. 

Why i want to do it? My mom is in another country(working) and i havent seen my father in years. My brother is 16 RN and i am 17 right now. My brother, people i know, every one i know abuses me. Throws shit at me, bullies, just thinks i am some sorta slave. Only 1 friend doesnt do it. I dont know why. 

My brother also flexes all the time. Lies, allmost cheated(or he is cheating all the time) on he's GF and i am sick of he's actions. I am not saying this ironicaly but i dont want to live on this planet anymore. I researched he's phone for some evidence and i got it. Nudes from another girl. God fucking damnit. He has GF but cheats like WTF. I wont confront him but sure as hell i took it as evidence. 

My phone has locked folder. Containing about 3Gb data with pictures, text messages, audio logs, recorded audio's, videos of people doing wrong stuff. Cheating, voilance, bullying and a lot more. 

People are only worth if they have something to give. They become usless if they have nothing to offer. I might be this person. 

School stuff and pressure is killing me. Too much pressure on me. I am ugly as fuck too. Belive me. My haircut was made when i was black out drunk by my brother. Idk why he did it. Just thought it might be good joke..it wasnt. So i havent got a girlfriend ever...like ever. Few days ago in saturday i was heavily drunk. A friend who didnt abuse me called. He was out for a walk with one girl. He asked can i talk to her while he goes in shop. I talked there with her for about half hour about absalute nothing. Just random stuff. I guess i like her but fuck it. Too high risk/low reward situation. 

So. My questions on this post is. 

How will my brother and ""friends"" act if i killed myself on 18th birthday? How people realy act on someones death? 

And is short drop hanging painfull? And how painfull it is. I realy dont have anything i could OD so hanging might be the easier aviable but might take longer to get ready. It is winter out here now so if i dont die from hanging i will sure as hell freeze to death. So it is win/win situation. 

tl;dr:i am sick of shit and i want to end it all @my 18th birthday. ",0.1478933261860078,2.4980154390243925,1.9469260251943192,94.66597467166979,90.66979362101313,4.471605467703029,20.18464218708121,6.105372668960289,0.07403727686947192,2011,67,431,19,70,658,245,533,0.21,0.6829999999999999,0.107,-0.9973,0,0,1,0,2,3,86.0,0,0,3,2,30,28,14,2,9,0,60,10,3,6,6,71,86,40,9,9,15,8,1,2,6,8,2,3,0,3,19,19,2,1,9,4,3,11,13,17,0,4,13,7,69,12,54,61,9,56,2,0,3,4,45,24,7,17,20,276,88,2,0.0,0.16468761429049014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061605814810654275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055577553529841416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862424822229215,0.0,0.0,0.06892337610204205,0.0,0.0,0.05719096123936949,0.0,0.06497128123750827,0.0,0.0,0.053439699104709235,0.0,0.0,0.07675511954226899,0.05913770906530074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096526414407324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055488525890134165,0.0,0.0,0.04482048318576429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212798806929366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32580471799152005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061554630954932986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572990310169158,0.0585550919651017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108202847386904,0.192749440614194,0.07261970978817754,0.06666884796069268,0.0,0.05829165449775981,0.11116785481023317,0.0,0.07655992089814499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342848974951849,0.0,0.0,0.068441565222625,0.0,0.0,0.07845482225468457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066783641546304,0.0,0.11458290761772028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790645889953646,0.0,0.061368038222450925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908474413614995,0.0,0.0657607211675076,0.04639047806472822,0.07046009940456603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686321625849184,0.0,0.08139525870815847,0.0,0.0,0.051089052316705234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337047802802007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128100154314574,0.10571277473154857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927247475721947,0.06068300355164327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655990655776259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778537046415468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145555492475564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935094221182454,0.0,0.05526762692788793,0.0,0.07033572180538745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267746855433838,0.0,0.1562374065256019,0.0,0.0,0.05888545957807561,0.05350298275723765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386758686590864,0.0760195703698943,0.0,0.13100215114026098,0.0,0.05225387322916974,0.11171977608752658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906306931966762,0.0,0.05517367683309056,0.1215745893984986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721487411781716,0.0,0.0755939052839089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396696684540732,0.0,0.05574713166959207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508446676610865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059539724247335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598519135557856,0.0,0.04475445599710942
suicidewatch,Burhanath,2018/01/22,"What does it mean to be suicidal? Am I suicidal? The love of my life broke it off with me. I'm so devastated and it feels like my heart has physically been ripped out.

I tell myself things like ""I don't know how I can possibly go on without her"" and ""I don't want to live with this kind of pain anymore"". Sometimes I wish I wasn't alive. I also secretly want some sort of emergency to happen to me because while she said she can't be with me, she said she would be there if I ever needed her. It's probably pathetic, but I want her to be able to save the day. I know it won't win her back, but I just want to have the chance to see her again. 

But I don't think I want to actually kill myself right now. I know killing myself would hurt her and I never want to hurt her again. 

Does this mean I'm suicidal? ",1.5941133004926122,2.8035957183908096,3.5663382594417072,91.63034482758621,77.44827586206897,7.50016420361248,21.623973727422005,8.192908349453996,0.7812180623973726,621,16,151,11,14,211,92,174,0.297,0.629,0.07400000000000001,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,2,0,3,0,17,4,1,1,2,37,40,11,5,11,6,0,1,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,9,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,4,35,6,20,29,1,13,0,3,1,1,16,4,0,3,10,104,44,0,0.11701034551301115,0.0,0.11418521827543693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357313103208156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604282113114135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997373308191818,0.0,0.07132842057396982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546199283152752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047930837544795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584255648522313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916394645888216,0.0835922142142677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649967585951476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034718621045554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865782281576625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505239898744132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25890922157031804,0.12184826881471054,0.19291747742715787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264786744286517,0.11433068879361878,0.0,0.10332227881689518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560640521439084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549171380437707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867616885651933,0.09024559191862308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450725746860652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319115834384428,0.0,0.0,0.12615694293484034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992619573444557,0.2226072673647625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932420959933667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157262236591556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839709793309948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227219941811784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777364742599091,0.07497550473406385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140944005025383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455612270332562,0.1127937975506258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624158452324428,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpempty,2018/01/22,"Celebrate the little victories A few months back I had a really bad bout of depression, to the point I spent all day crying, drinking and looking up methods of suicide.

One time returning home I just kept walking, right past my door, for hours just in the middle of the night, went to a bridge and really thought about it. I was there for a long time stood by the railings.

I eventually turned back and went to bed.

This was the night before an exam, an exam I failed awfully, I was usually a high achiever, I got the lowest grade in my entire year.

People laughed when they saw and would ask ""why didn't you try"" ""why didn't you revise"". 

But that day I won, I turned up, I was alive. It is hard for people to understand that struggle. Celebrate the small things. I never would have understood if I had not gone through this.

So remember that most people don't understand, how could they, it is not their fault. When you are so depressed just making it another day is a victory and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
",3.7164393939393934,5.476189772727274,4.552411616161617,84.46528409090912,72.98989898989899,8.384343434343435,26.01136363636364,9.017664075816787,2.0312212121212125,797,27,157,17,16,257,118,198,0.139,0.77,0.091,-0.8743,1,0,2,0,0,1,28.0,0,4,3,3,12,8,0,1,16,1,19,1,0,2,2,26,37,12,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,10,5,1,1,5,1,1,4,7,6,0,1,19,3,22,2,17,14,3,33,0,3,2,0,9,10,0,2,19,109,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042894333903593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697316783637289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162835636224838,0.0,0.0,0.1912893984064264,0.10385661825668106,0.0,0.0,0.1058428189132409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931162519445973,0.0,0.13663152757675756,0.24065488976905555,0.0,0.2142659354944628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185034366022487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994823718370661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142489180844743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142001045473758,0.12476870377813752,0.0,0.1224945691757873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719250479413038,0.0,0.0,0.12466685382484545,0.0,0.1100771699478329,0.10445241360256917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302822423644951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928324419931614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593369306588533,0.0,0.0,0.2334545544796577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428677008607441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873994433305038,0.25869953638455345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758441339216365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593689520448276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409044172796376,0.10622445691834012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003463310361862,0.0,0.13605744537108205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871832717323077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263613660375667,0.0,0.0,0.09874811821631697,0.14506026079962045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844495256621093,0.2705912066723637,0.0,0.2589791882383908,0.0,0.0,0.13699295144506635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306130346714344,0.2244769636348903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671964696979606,0.0,0.0,0.08010012319604846
suicidewatch,softwaffles298,2018/01/22,"Really want to kill myself, not sure why I still haven’t done it. I’m a 18 year old white male, been suicidal since 16, my mom is 62 and my dad is 72, my 25 year old sister just moved back in with her 5 year old daughter, she doesn’t have a high school education, I wouldn’t really mind if our house wasn’t so small. I’m trying to get my G.E.D. But there taking forever to finish my paperwork I’m losing hope. It seems like I’m either going to live my parents forever or be homeless which I would rather kill myself",2.022474747474746,3.426960863636366,3.873030303030305,89.0639898989899,76.72727272727272,7.4343434343434325,19.494949494949488,8.167268648758528,0.6380101010101007,405,8,91,7,9,137,77,110,0.16699999999999998,0.772,0.061,-0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,1,16,21,5,3,6,7,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,1,14,3,6,15,1,14,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,4,10,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034500017676125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016203418050545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176897637625767,0.0,0.08894710966123284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535930703072385,0.0,0.15544776931755913,0.0,0.1805892320975432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463058522566392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646190889150975,0.0,0.13819944150990804,0.0,0.0,0.17509243166415492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802847619120716,0.18330029150103605,0.0,0.1663432476692979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926864917485659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378362529093128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200526079560933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839446319704414,0.0,0.14247901563535592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294650444179515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498750014966535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119436229752366,0.0,0.14750694863794175,0.0,0.11767454698199703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625866634951492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231248016259257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122413711042411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117880093193296,0.0,0.0,0.30235808425847
suicidewatch,VizArtist,2018/01/22,"Depression setting in again and can no longer self medicate I was arrested for DUI and possession of marijuana and tomorrow I will lose my license for 60 days. I will be on probation for one year. I quit my job because I wasn’t doing well and I was commuting 80 miles each way everyday. I haven’t found another job and I am worried that my background check will prevent me from getting a good job. I am overweight and have no friends that care about me. I have a great loving girlfriend but she doesn’t know how depression really feels and how I am contemplating suicide lately. I’m a male, 31 years old. 

I am going to be drug tested and I have to abstain from marijuana but it was the only thing that was helping me cope with my depression. And now I can’t have that any longer. 

I see these people on Instagram and Facebook living these great lives and doing fun things and traveling and hanging out with friends but I have no money and no friends. Even when I was working full time I had no money and no time for myself. I know I shouldn’t compare myself but when I see these people who don’t have to work and just can live their lives smoking weed and being happy it makes me even more depressed. 

I just want to make music all day but I haven’t even had the motivation to do that while I am unemployed. 

I had a couple good interviews last week but none of them will pay me what I’m worth and I will just be back to struggling all over again. 

I am worried that I won’t make it. ",3.2518,4.8420305133333335,4.310333333333337,86.42350000000002,73.86666666666667,7.666666666666668,26.5,8.344100000000001,1.6829999999999998,1174,42,242,20,24,382,149,300,0.163,0.6809999999999999,0.156,-0.3058,5,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,5,16,18,0,1,6,0,42,4,0,6,2,47,58,29,1,2,9,0,1,0,4,7,3,0,0,2,16,22,1,2,5,1,5,3,15,6,1,1,10,3,42,12,22,37,6,31,0,5,2,1,13,7,0,0,19,181,58,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691069507143534,0.1065603077373223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814161734060213,0.0,0.06194828151596191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361116031181246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244363334373034,0.0,0.1310765256840396,0.0,0.3501100820017419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785011995744694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136259196097894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138351278967828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142409351145208,0.2355404397915825,0.0,0.05309368941743616,0.0,0.057754547313904725,0.17047267242240655,0.0,0.2240788680460067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817930065833732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811558318963885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025346783287315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169840487928498,0.08283609976932932,0.11463488161043996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358938979078168,0.0,0.0,0.11368985644804487,0.0,0.0,0.09171849407944524,0.0,0.20350191220643354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237422332802072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663597504550204,0.0,0.06886220135365399,0.0772886761104349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409048303896931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808829723790148,0.0,0.0,0.06510213200733929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196033965858914,0.0,0.10601468509196824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623815669511978,0.0,0.11115878790039413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502727111466611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851407851310465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059939727367420426,0.0806634040401263,0.08151563544970537,0.0,0.0913710512595348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796513591030705,0.20640565884066212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088343061066224
suicidewatch,thr0waway18h,2018/01/22,"Girl showed me cuts on her arms and said she wasn't gonna do it, should I trust her? So, there's this girl at my school who's often lonely, maybe has two friends, she's almost always alone at lunch and stuff. I have tried being friends with her once I realized she was lonely, but we never really hit it off. Today, she asked if she could ask a quick question, which I replied ""Sure!"". She said ""Be honest, what do these look like?"" as she showed me faded cuts on her arm. I said ""suicidal cuts"" because this is a serious matter and I didn't want to lay her off with an ""I don't know"" or ""cat scratches"". She said I was right, but she wasn't going to kill herself. ""I kept asking ""Are you sure?"" repetitively, but she kept respond with ""I'm sure."" Deep down inside, I don't think she'll do it and I hope she won't, but I'm not sure. Should I trust her?",1.5610800744878972,2.9726842513966503,2.8416536312849168,95.94389571694602,77.99441340782124,5.8906517690875235,18.637243947858472,6.42735559955562,-0.3013109124767221,647,12,155,5,15,209,103,179,0.127,0.731,0.142,0.7889,2,5,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,1,0,0,4,18,4,0,3,0,21,3,2,0,5,34,40,12,2,6,7,0,1,1,2,5,0,4,0,2,10,8,1,2,4,2,0,1,8,7,0,1,11,6,36,11,13,20,0,15,0,2,1,0,35,9,0,6,6,99,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312179797869709,0.1357182808309524,0.0,0.0,0.10903606696275246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675151087111708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988097987071158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462505503104426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248289561653066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447324959668734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015263303918806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497672982364984,0.0,0.0720163482618458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401969493111516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004088896839297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164764258992198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106639476190446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955369392996955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679517975698753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839478024112535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190774120313284,0.4985975155582793,0.0,0.0,0.1326198280903564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000984733601852,0.14333687200727516,0.0,0.4940159087798701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396536382362894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421092776208835,0.0,0.0,0.08896779458037384,0.0,0.1280073790926456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729099239111484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreeGoldIsCool,2018/01/22,"I want to leave but I can't The only thing that is stopping me is my cat, she would feel like ive abandoned her. Im trying to get my life sorted by getting the education I never got to get in the job I want, im actually doing really well in it. I want out of this suicidal mindset but it is so very difficult, I feel trapped in a tunnel with no method of escape. Just wondering if anyone else has felt this too and how you overcame it.",0.7782860520094559,2.571365882978725,3.672695035460993,87.33388888888891,81.65957446808511,6.73096926713948,22.14657210401891,7.793537801064563,1.0151408983451535,339,11,75,6,9,121,67,94,0.243,0.643,0.114,-0.9585,1,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,1,20,19,6,1,5,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,3,13,2,11,16,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,3,53,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.1880365447640973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134732540542131,0.1974325217472051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609668284550598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485856811869695,0.13765696967987004,0.1850115361438769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020159502825576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411089454602342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162740977634572,0.0,0.19121397449893415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040296948860498,0.0,0.0,0.13610184979101256,0.0941380504672382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861353808191682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465485711371445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344142640022833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109652622457732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107703528633776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801392546902818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308230966295269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898850059156053,0.34095866983777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325043821750444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089628636784428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688064717122808,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Philmon11,2018/01/22,"I say I’m not suicidal, but I’m not sure. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m depressed, and sometimes I’m fine. I struggle every day. I’m a closeted bisexual to homophobic parents, I’m also a closeted atheist, also I’m just depressed. I’ll be good then I crash down. I’ve noticed I’ve become less caring. It’s like my soul is being chipped away every day. I’ve cut before but I stopped, I have three scars on my back that will never go away. I’m a sophomore in high school and I’d rather be there than at home. There I have friends who care for me and it sucks being in such a great environment and then going home to a house of hate. They (my family) think being gay is a disease and transgender is a mental illness. They mock my friends and me, without knowing it. I’m out to my friends but I was rejected by my mother a year ago. Last February I wrote a note but didn’t go through with it. My soul is broken and it’s getting chipped away. What do I do when I have nothing left? How will I be thought of if I go? I say I wouldn’t, and I don’t want to, but sometimes my mind gets stuck on it and I think of what would happen if I did it. What would people do? How would they react? What would I leave behind?",0.2280730897009988,2.274145589147288,2.5020210409745296,93.53598837209304,85.35658914728683,5.236101882613512,22.392580287929125,6.5431188927421005,0.4378766334440751,934,34,212,10,28,317,125,258,0.188,0.6709999999999999,0.141,-0.916,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,3,0,11,18,4,1,9,0,28,2,0,3,2,41,55,23,1,9,12,2,0,1,3,7,1,2,4,0,13,11,0,1,4,0,0,4,7,8,0,1,6,2,32,10,24,36,1,27,2,3,0,1,12,12,1,2,12,140,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176784062565677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557632068875244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917928110681899,0.07960361867782473,0.0,0.0,0.1143342004160949,0.08809135756341664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110993751326656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352891996957464,0.0,0.17833025736752592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444698568761807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759327857267966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994731604606676,0.0,0.10817410620418262,0.0,0.2353404558417108,0.08683107716694216,0.0,0.11413565122374696,0.0,0.0,0.09154599206588672,0.0,0.0,0.10220858519599924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937886245684607,0.20768616350351096,0.0,0.0,0.11945287588266545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056894120774179525,0.08438593317123075,0.0,0.10961704106734317,0.11247920355967192,0.0,0.0,0.050576630768526566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432791213785793,0.0,0.10452979800146033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984414384478151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933413598586424,0.11786283837811072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495122705380653,0.0,0.0,0.0717705543469512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465298917853274,0.0,0.10477188441976516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409551804227158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655075694167115,0.0,0.10822583409979036,0.0,0.1132385285313828,0.0,0.09757020960120953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266808622009488,0.0,0.08218654680426217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106117794070404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979350797047486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941621126409659,0.0,0.0,0.06666610607868183
suicidewatch,viinapuuduttaa,2018/01/22,"Suicide feels like the only option right now Hi everyone, I'm new here and not sure if this is the right place for this, but I feel like I need to vent to someone who listens and understands before stuff gets too much to handle by myself.

I'm 16 years old with heavy anxiety issues and daily thoughts of suicide and hurting myself. I know I'm still young and shouldn't be thinking about these things but I struggle to see a point in living in constant pain and fear. I feel like I've tried everything to stay afloat by now, but nothing seems to help and it's driving me more and more insane by the minute.

I've been low-key suicidal for about a year now, but have never really thought about it seriously until now. I'm not sure what clicked in my head, but it's become a daily thing to fall into these thoughts that are hard as fuck to get rid of. It feels like every minor setback in my life is pulling me closer to actually hurting myself. I've stopped having any hope for a decent future and started counting minutes to the morning I don't get up anymore. I'm scared to die, but even more scared to stay alive and it's getting harder and harder to keep going.

How do you deal with these thoughts, how do you move on from difficult times in your life? 
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suicidewatch,confused9944,2018/01/22,"The only thing stopping me... I can't bear the idea of my family, boyfriend, and close friends living with the knowledge and associated guilt that I took my own life and they couldn't do anything to stop it.

Especially my boyfriend and parents. I know my parents will blame my boyfriend and my boyfriend will blame himself since we live together and he himself is having a hard enough time figuring out his life. I can't add this to his pile of stress.

I'm also an only child so I can't even fathom the sheer pain my parents would feel having their one kid (whom they gave everything to) gone - just like that.

But in my worst moments, I can't help but think I just want to go. I want the pain to stop. I want to feel numb.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but in the darkest corners of mind I wish a natural disaster or someone else can just end things for me, so no one has to live with the guilt associated with MY pain, MY weakness, MY cowardly actions, and ultimately MY problems. 

This shame just confirms that I don't deserve these wonderful people in my life. I wish I could hand them a new daughter, girlfriend, friend...


Edit: I feel like such a hypocrite because I wouldn't wish suicide upon anyone and want everyone here to live and find meaning/purpose in life. I wholeheartedly believe they can. That their life means something and at the end of it, they will be glad they chose to live and fight everyday. But why can't I extend that conviction to myself?",4.808521126760566,6.007655345070425,5.030394366197187,84.2889014084507,69.49295774647888,7.933521126760564,30.74929577464789,8.238735603445708,2.11061323943662,1154,47,228,16,20,363,146,284,0.232,0.64,0.128,-0.9867,3,0,1,0,1,1,36.0,1,0,8,0,10,18,1,5,13,0,21,11,1,0,0,55,42,19,1,12,9,4,5,2,3,5,10,0,0,2,14,18,0,3,12,0,0,4,9,13,0,2,3,5,46,5,26,31,3,22,0,0,0,0,28,9,0,2,11,152,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342612710123156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420067338594047,0.0,0.07555767611736999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055970871309187833,0.0,0.0,0.10344646554837393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330850848771779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670143187408017,0.0,0.1626454519535311,0.09487164138144552,0.0,0.06064434958392648,0.0,0.0,0.08773520413984225,0.0825193176290964,0.0,0.08655702031420068,0.0,0.13927650185214827,0.06559417728007659,0.0,0.0,0.08391919502719145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418753764814527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218179190966001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822501153403569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154308800116125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365036574493924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050460294393550965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242657776100793,0.0897144254375054,0.0,0.4053810475892475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001577360848796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927091289623355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867755800906238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443532946235596,0.1396621322940174,0.2930997053667457,0.0,0.30585617700594364,0.0,0.0,0.0636544383120003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785659492625185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595208020949197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779635778808904,0.07068531381322106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028970036795765,0.1051762142210738,0.0,0.0,0.1004330396292779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199844499064053,0.05883271062282735,0.0,0.0,0.05353930790699001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201221178323816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166244928634708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828506801781928,0.0,0.3167555106543125,0.0,0.099571762744394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522425604487292,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirs_doll,2018/01/22,"Crisis doesn't mean much here I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to sleep forever...the ""big sleep"". I feel like all the effort I've put in is t worth it. Why do I keep fighting? I know it would hurt so many people if I left, but at what point is staying for everyone else not enough? 

The worst part? I live in Ontario and I know that because of our shitty services for mental health I won't be taken seriously or be able to get help in a reasonable amount of time unless I hurt myself. 

I don't know what to do... I just want to give up. ",-0.16704693611472976,1.8180343813559323,2.0500000000000007,96.53209256844852,86.54237288135593,4.986701434159062,17.551499348109516,6.297961479604792,-0.3734401564537153,419,10,100,4,13,141,77,118,0.17,0.72,0.11,-0.7292,0,0,0,0,2,2,17.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,3,0,12,3,2,1,1,20,24,6,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,6,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,1,14,1,15,18,6,11,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,2,2,64,19,1,0.16400016005483198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264409061680132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997297537497364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700108968491065,0.0,0.0,0.16945600534279426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670918100485093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292340857717796,0.1171617471119534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568331477166441,0.15732389738110042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743245011450624,0.0,0.0,0.1099258503097476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35113112654137274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577087760891674,0.0,0.0,0.270390596974267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178186653757567,0.0,0.0,0.08012219423472987,0.0,0.1448151459506337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627042145263596,0.0,0.17864425259409805,0.0,0.0,0.16527358808596265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055898774056895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759619164045393,0.0,0.11369706143611087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503316078817836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486545800325944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861947872445346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282371980181531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480234970281866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562981218232372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901946304939098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798463585637675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650100830848892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Claire2209,2018/01/22,"Yeah, I'm done I've picked a time to end it. A few months from now when my step dad comes home. I figure that way my mum won't be alone. She's the only thing stopping me. Part of me genuinely hopes things get better before then. Part of me gave up a long time ago. Until he comes home, I'll keep going, I owe it to myself to give it a chance to get better, but I doubt it will. Nothing ever changes. I never change. After that I'm done.",-0.7285511363636346,1.2047199895833316,1.4573863636363669,100.15806818181822,88.6875,3.907575757575757,12.893939393939394,4.851557810540192,-1.4669458333333334,333,4,82,1,11,111,67,96,0.051,0.833,0.116,0.4059,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,1,5,0,0,1,2,11,17,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,2,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,3,0,11,3,10,11,3,20,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,14,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061044511934842,0.0,0.0,0.16428643849818222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349771871465026,0.0,0.0,0.28057975573221994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33560593639783864,0.2732807498682199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246544806004176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404936219792274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434843260679019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657487974006573,0.1521664215652244,0.090149572074712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182252485866364,0.1575492440093783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099213904190913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037708860329012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661201931694352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234046839987595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220383286008368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064056254665248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435482773488188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261661575572045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076523452331927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498964946805108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259082045398746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caleebies,2018/01/22,"It's weird talking to someone not suicidal... It's so odd. I forgot what it felt like, not wanting to die. In a way, it made me feel better. In a way, I'm glad not everyone is struggling the way I do, because how can they be so successful and happy while being so depressed like I am?

But also, in a way, I'm glad there are other people I can relate to. That know what it's like to be depressed. ",0.5614411764705878,2.2361008352941205,3.26904411764706,90.54944852941178,81.82352941176471,5.661764705882352,22.389705882352942,6.6274283507984215,0.5327941176470592,301,10,67,3,8,106,52,85,0.128,0.573,0.298,0.948,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,6,12,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,2,0,12,17,8,2,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,6,8,7,11,0,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398882426587254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738176867418805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030219185017054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317004091989246,0.0,0.19984514204083764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839977330357387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736327569298424,0.0,0.18488619077798102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498191934413046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582502050067112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822228157375747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182203344557496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334956983561922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315404530922145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130377192699853,0.0,0.2106275558921708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547710889948366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357589008217372,0.6113753474224135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnfGod,2018/01/22,"For those contemplating suicide, and want help. I’m here. I’ve realized now, that it’s important to embrace who you are and what you deal with. For too long i have tried to hide who i really am, and what i really feel, afraid of others looking at me as weak. For years now, i have dealt with serious thoughts of suicide, from a simple lack of motivation to live. Just last week i held a loaded gun to my head, praying for god to give me the strength to shoot. I am saying this to emphasize the point that, mental health is not a joke. It is not easy for someone like me to get up everyday with no real motivation to live. For a long time, i thought i felt this way because of breakups, or financial struggles, but i know now that is not the case. I felt the way i did, because i was afraid to be honest and open. I would sit at home and think about death, then go out in public and pretend nothing was wrong. All the while, making the situation worse. So now i am making an attempt to be open, hoping that this will relieve me of these thoughts, and allow me to be happy again.
Recently my girl friend, my life, my girl... all of a sudden broke up with me. I wasn’t expecting it at all, so it broke me completely. I am the type of person who has never seen value in living for myself, so the thought of losing her, was the same as losing my life. I wasn’t perfect in the relationship, i definitely made serious mistakes. but I loved her. and I thought that together we would conquer the world. This is all i wanted. but when she broke up with me, i felt empty. I felt the same way i did before i met her. I lost my motivation to live. I lost my will to fight, i wanted to die. I tried for weeks and weeks to just make her notice me again, make her love me again, and nothing worked. Nothing i did made her want to be with me again. So i ended up, in my bathroom, Beretta 92fs cocked and loaded, pointed to my head, ready to die. With my finger on the trigger i smiled as i finally felt i would be happy. Then something stopped me. Unable to shoot, i cried until my sister came and took the gun away. The next day, i got up and went to work, pretending to be okay, when a random guy, i had never met before walked up behind me. This guy patted me on the back and said “life is worth living.” 

I’m sorry if my thoughts seemed jumbled but I am still trying to make sense of everything. How does a random guy, come up to me and make such a powerful statement? What made him choose me, out of the 30+ people in the room?

I don’t know, but that one statement saved my life. That one statement is inspiring this message, and inspiring me to live. I haven’t been able to find what i am living for, but i know i have a purpose. So if you happen to be struggling like i am, please know that things will get better. Winter can’t last forever, and Spring is coming. and If you fall, land on your back, because if you can see up, you can get up. Remember that. 

I don’t know if this will help, but we can’t do this alone, but together we can. ",2.946473429951692,4.0120121739130425,4.192230273752013,89.05134057971019,73.79871175523348,7.267954911433174,24.2890499194847,7.665016162671287,0.9785929146537836,2324,67,514,29,46,764,255,621,0.14300000000000002,0.691,0.166,0.9662,1,1,1,4,1,4,94.0,3,7,0,15,25,35,1,4,28,1,52,12,4,15,7,123,110,47,5,16,19,1,7,2,1,7,6,2,2,6,32,35,0,2,31,3,1,8,13,17,0,2,35,12,94,18,83,61,7,80,1,7,3,3,43,30,1,10,40,363,126,6,0.059651172133967686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061780624478539777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604423981637393,0.091736138647815,0.0,0.10908840261211246,0.0,0.10151750793915873,0.0,0.0,0.05275661425140852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822504966768117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276840583533046,0.06254311907142238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552401158590873,0.038470071208063776,0.061497739195941925,0.0,0.0,0.1238169979390768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220114271659049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283323310478004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361062718422705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03016142494811446,0.0,0.2863723990078668,0.06534494334650268,0.0545200906583462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04608634761957316,0.0,0.093495826285986,0.05722283978460173,0.03390113578553512,0.0,0.047708491593813226,0.0,0.0,0.17719211626965364,0.05274933451704638,0.12699956389129466,0.0,0.0,0.12243862394605627,0.063406406563844,0.0,0.0,0.07996584657731037,0.0,0.059834989309657735,0.059247073404229474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391362095953302,0.09724733365014422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853354789184824,0.0582850992151364,0.0,0.3687115449809996,0.10557882045128797,0.05009196106093401,0.13346880687800802,0.13023260177526186,0.0,0.10767502357631586,0.16933014413448955,0.2389057235901973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060114351405620825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201332265566192,0.0,0.06343969829226798,0.0,0.0,0.1717107253906531,0.06791325483982907,0.0,0.0,0.08084235604489062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041354611974672426,0.05208510265441253,0.0,0.06547907409229704,0.1127792772587144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678960931920038,0.07642813664915643,0.0,0.05889833611126635,0.06404303504389995,0.06757314972673448,0.0,0.05674192468037392,0.04743700630366813,0.0,0.0,0.04753426112748108,0.054304186769419005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705041676471858,0.0,0.0,0.05054224457374066,0.04592238660132247,0.0,0.06677460349058369,0.0,0.0,0.04763750312074689,0.049871050906673715,0.0,0.124720713544892,0.0,0.13049740107510088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03962958819440422,0.038222062494682914,0.0,0.2841382054427085,0.03478307817333573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627464709210397,0.12149769081956407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407352273327682,0.1420449717192799,0.14354571654789786,0.0,0.0,0.055297234187708516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685352751111948,0.0,0.060789640546719835,0.12712344362469513,0.06521919253061291,0.0,0.03841339911377392
suicidewatch,Chriszav,2018/01/22,Need some Tipps Well Im at the point that I see no meaning in life I got only 1 reason why I still havnt killed myself (won't mention it tho couse most would think I'm crazy) anyway I prob won't kill myself couse I got that 1 thing I have to fulfill before I die but it's a drag for me to get through life. I'm currently 17 (18 in 2 months) and study to become a media designer somehow I feel disconnected to the rest of my class/group I got like only 1 friend but don't talk much with anybody besides him. I havnt gone out with friends for more than half a year now I only go out with my family I basically got no social life and everything I do feels like a drag I got no motivation for anything. Got any Tipps to get through the day? ,0.6310141509433969,2.559432144654089,2.683109276729564,93.52579599056608,82.89937106918241,5.736006289308176,20.000393081761004,6.9077264865688965,0.18774496855345912,577,16,134,7,16,194,97,159,0.11,0.735,0.154,0.8325,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,7,0,6,3,0,2,0,20,24,5,3,2,2,0,2,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,2,1,1,7,3,20,5,20,14,5,14,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,3,8,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597265373157441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403617812306497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962537288251875,0.1075775105152866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153301975043738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120814988627508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362173730857818,0.0,0.1191812936282162,0.0,0.12784754375398633,0.09031732925117236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953497341021065,0.0,0.13210264172946454,0.0,0.07184967136179654,0.0,0.6066769203016081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655961203370426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797388444669279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678910252315259,0.12352875875279926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771279601142628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091042884636886,0.0,0.0929361848756702,0.0937417924167483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845344151036884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951154171827195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998492557101646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074355803419956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288733447536234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096236790929676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161482053312472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399048651302676,0.08100739297899215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136703568863206,0.0,0.11407799397173385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980798071777686,0.0,0.0,0.08141290957549012
suicidewatch,goldcr3st,2018/01/22,"Im worthless Where do I begin... Been depressed for pretty much all my life so far. Right now I´m 17 and still in highschool. I don't do anything anymore, I don't go outside, I don't meet friends, I do nothing but watching movies and listening to music. Why? Because I´m so fucking disgusting and ugly, It probably sounds pathetic but I would rather die then look how I look. My biggest interest is clothes and style (Im a guy) but I cant wear anything because I still look like fucking shit. Ive already tried to workout and shit like that but it doesn't help because my face looks like shit. First of all everything is wrong, Heres a list. One eye sits higher. One eyebrow sits higher. One ear stands out. Jaw is asymmetrical and goes to the left. Head is asymmetrical. Forehead is too big. Mout is asymmetrical. Nose is huge, wide and asymmetrical. Acne in my whole fucking face even though I have taken medicine for 3 years (Antibiotics, Accutane, Pills) And if that isn't enough my I have loads of face fat and no jawline. My only chance in life was if i did a surgery of everything in my whole face, But first of all I would never afford to do it and second of all my parents would fucking hate me if I did it. I dont know what keeps me going, This life isn't worth living. I want to die now, And don't come with that it will get better and looks doesn't matter because I know its not true. Why was I born like this? I know theres probably a shit ton of grammar and spelling errors in the text but who cares.",1.8329297538200358,4.101885983552633,2.9457003395585737,91.40974108658743,80.61184210526315,5.764685908319186,24.280135823429536,6.968188349444268,0.8761189728353141,1185,44,247,14,31,379,157,304,0.229,0.677,0.093,-0.9943,2,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,3,14,22,10,0,6,0,33,24,16,1,6,43,56,27,2,8,11,1,0,4,1,4,5,3,0,1,13,16,1,1,3,1,1,3,13,13,0,6,6,11,30,9,20,46,9,31,0,2,7,4,7,14,8,3,15,156,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574785434179814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860480322349265,0.0,0.0,0.1428011787752775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115657021429735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767370078041592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846317986871285,0.0,0.0,0.074740770162257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473097266926099,0.0,0.18009771991546686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168848532071127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965192497828363,0.0,0.057307775011451415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559584205694953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760532989723124,0.0,0.0,0.0670347873367169,0.32085311771299635,0.045331377263736296,0.0,0.09862163287990047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591145711905923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566293908390853,0.08904640465084608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815706599012305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874431945052792,0.0,0.0,0.07712113688137806,0.0,0.0,0.14305210054806186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427093765422632,0.0,0.18385505348498712,0.16955690492282502,0.0,0.07661550013658149,0.0,0.3643057142124985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378260423707613,0.0,0.06691887983055729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325380909629157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638358511296318,0.06598905017563632,0.0,0.0,0.09634278707456574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827167632651914,0.18709570461147154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409723779426163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35625403477580597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858203376460287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524663430952409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589080590866973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051176522562127916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658468338016518,0.1937410986512135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490710262475527,0.09486442140416516,0.0,0.055874118333877926
suicidewatch,big_boi_niBBa,2018/01/22,"Want to kill myself but worried about my parents Hi, am 19 yo male. Not sure how to word this, so I hope it's systematic enough. Also, English isn't my first language so I'm sorry for misplaced commas and other mistakes.
I've been mildly suicidal for quite some time now (like wishing that I would day in my sleep or that I would get hit by a car etc.) but lately I've been thinking about actively killing myself more frequently with each passing day. Now I find it harder and harder to act happy in front of others. Can barely force a smile. I cry every night before I go to sleep because I want to end it all. I want the pain I feel inside my chest to stop. Killing myself would mean ending my worthless existence; so I’m getting obsessed with this thought. Thinking about it is starting to affect my life and I can’t concentrate anymore while studying for college. 
I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I’m like this. For the longest time I’ve hated myself. Don’t have any goals in life and the only things that interest me are playing videogames and watching YouTube, Twitch etc. I’m so socially awkward that I have to write phone conversations in advance when planning to call somebody I don’t know and that I’m afraid to go the post office, bank and other places like that without my heart pounding in fear of what to say. I have some friends from my previous school and I don’t see them very often. Never had a girlfriend since I can’t even approach girls out of anxiety. What makes it worse is that I come from a decently rich family with loving parents and I’m very successful in school; people have much worse lives than me and yet feel happier than I do. That is probably the most crushing feeling. 
But at the same time I love my parents so much that I find it hard to kill myself. So I’m stuck between wanting to kill myself and worrying how my parents would react if they found me dead. I’ve started hitting, hurting and cutting myself to relieve this tension. I am so embarrassed because of it. But I don’t know to deal with it; I can’t tell my parents because they’ll blame  themselves and my friends wouldn’t help me (we're not that close). I could go to the doctor but I don’t think pills would help me (where I come from going to therapy is a taboo and there’s no suicide prevention hotline or anything like that). 
Thank you if you took your time to read this.  
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suicidewatch,INeverHadALifeP,2018/01/22,18 no life no friends no purpose Dropped out of school 3 years ago and these 3 years i spent like always playing videos games and staying infont of the computer like usual no purpose never had friends or girlfriend i just exist what do i do why am i still here ? Where should i start i have no idea ...,1.4602142857142832,3.972758116666668,1.9128571428571417,96.61500000000002,84.5,4.095238095238095,23.57142857142857,5.288315135182226,0.15564285714285694,237,9,49,1,7,72,43,60,0.16399999999999998,0.642,0.194,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,6,5,3,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,9,31,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545511414910106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101618978205212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104329817810671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29985138880639384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876144730603904,0.2595359395991047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048616582338344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882049133425034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800641323566394,0.2831143886383185,0.21212358388484207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29254167438450696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396797284451304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420997052913878
suicidewatch,Stupid02,2018/01/22,"I want to be normally happy again I’m so stressed and depressed I can’t ever relax and be happy without being with my friends or my girlfriend. Even when I’m with them I can’t fully relax. I tried to open my dads gun vault today but only he has the keys, and he’s coming home tonight.
Someone please fucking shoot me",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,3.5393939393939418,89.27909090909094,78.0909090909091,5.006060606060606,24.63636363636364,5.46131890053228,0.5487454545454544,252,9,50,1,6,83,48,66,0.136,0.654,0.21,0.4889,0,0,0,2,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,13,11,7,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,5,8,0,7,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,1,5,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807481004799847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804753428552425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954216652965114,0.2184967210887744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866217141115173,0.22331002000817415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142710917439387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229536176284355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666870744199864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371043074261972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651504768051892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046653901770482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766958702557228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896211731624735,0.0,0.0,0.16399728258286753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247304634290806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328465575886152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hachoumi007,2018/01/22,"Im sick of the racism My name is Ousama. For my whole life people have called my bin laden and called my a terroist so much its pretty much common. Honestly, im just fucking done with it. No matter where I go I never get a fair shot because of my name. Its not my fault some guy sharing my name did terrible shit aftet I was born. Im afraid to tell people my name. No teacher will ever help me and I when I fight people I get excluded like I am some delinquent. Theres no winning. My confidence is pretty much shattered. My life at home is shit too. I want to end it but its against my religion and I am really fucking struggling.",0.9380370774263938,3.120301129770993,2.741728462377317,92.07185114503818,83.50381679389312,5.574918211559434,21.570883315158127,6.868970318607317,0.5389035986913857,492,16,105,6,14,163,81,131,0.198,0.6579999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8222,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,5,2,3,0,10,7,2,0,2,17,16,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,0,21,4,8,12,6,9,0,0,0,2,11,2,4,2,7,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690960915898925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29116069309738835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145899046468893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262750813962062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289631137560323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636081252814333,0.14897432771849153,0.0,0.08102605934133109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116713786530316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556195212812772,0.0,0.14300976301097434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620015799051555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140341814619256,0.06965270924250344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144170051707533,0.0,0.10995910268103462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965211488867501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900907590082695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913342664189468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29269298955418205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904556591719606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461283745994685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409173186275742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591747905379413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hdaersrtyor,2018/01/22,"How do you make everything okay again? I'm tired, you're tired. We should rest forever.",0.5203921568627443,2.8431888823529405,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,101.35294117647058,6.972549019607843,17.43137254901961,7.793537801064563,0.9895254901960792,69,2,15,2,3,21,15,17,0.294,0.609,0.096,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515048767533712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610692796587734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8990479146502963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VeinyHDGaming,2018/01/22,"16 - Done with it Done with life at this point. Nothing to live for I’ve so many ups and downs the downs are just 80% of the time. 

Not sure if I’m even man enough to end it. If I don’t I’m running away.

I never do well in school. I feel I do an insane amount of study but still fail. And my parents don’t except it at all and I feel bully my into feeling bad about myself.

I just feel depressed like if I didn’t have technology I’d be dead. My “friends” piss me off all the time and try to annoy me so I don’t like talking to them.

I’m male btw. And I guess this is a last ditch effort for some human advice that doesn’t involve tough it up or it gets better.",-0.8103271812080521,0.9503924765100678,1.5049622483221476,100.85932256711409,87.32214765100672,3.9934563758389263,15.352768456375838,4.557286568694721,-1.2576815436241608,505,9,130,1,16,170,94,149,0.228,0.675,0.097,-0.9714,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,3,8,12,2,0,5,0,13,2,1,0,4,27,22,12,1,3,9,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,3,4,16,6,22,18,5,18,0,2,0,0,8,11,1,6,8,87,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781018872878474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123881263414978,0.0,0.15217908086271548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119372860812156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569798519876207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730295231082837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142783155107726,0.1883227985775314,0.0,0.12038068979581065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686235454270674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081324808539405,0.0,0.095223073366786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077940233868152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485658294291154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873528450282012,0.1780855841129209,0.0,0.16093848964908744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847825400184763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056977282324648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488291885590848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237762088250025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722941518235881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445635812415828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555268298721813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177743460586914,0.0,0.0,0.1464932931560043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255397613307084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237422458989547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387319120508745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Derp22,2018/01/22,"This might be it Hey everyone. I’m in a very very dark place right now. While I’ve had thoughts of suicide before, this is the closest I have ever come to actually doing it. I have finally broke. No medication or therapy has worked. I have lost out on many relationships because of my depression and agoraphobia. I feel awful for my parents but at the same time once I’m gone I’m gone. Selfish, yet true. Is there any reason I shouldn’t do this?",1.1908478038815142,3.7314164606741613,3.3429826353421848,85.50587334014301,86.64044943820221,6.831869254341166,23.821246169560776,8.00094639256281,1.6486988764044948,351,14,71,8,11,119,68,89,0.182,0.777,0.041,-0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,1,12,1,0,1,2,13,21,4,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,5,1,7,1,8,13,1,16,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,2,6,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.19648607902772267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692317924145414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273954451803623,0.0,0.17133186094992328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344301072852006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734202747213966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213030751394055,0.0,0.19239612931581185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180732703483893,0.0,0.0,0.2205663037735989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979454058189127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413472460305712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028363860009793,0.0,0.21359783941555216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442847667238205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357252963694674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036524406261112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070187261895682,0.0,0.21617182292395545,0.0,0.17194963313602182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202414443499276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302583713823524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984739477859927,0.11740732478531435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322654873383644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658335099659633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,earthiscubeshaped,2018/01/22,"I don't want to die I deserve to die. I'm lazy. Waste of space. I feel sorry for my parents, they wasted their time and effort into an inferior being. I don't deserve their love. Only if I could trade places with someone who would appreciate the life I'm living. Atleast I would've contributed to humanity by giving someone else the opportunities I'm wasting.",2.9482857142857126,5.431854971428574,4.998571428571426,77.03642857142857,77.85714285714286,6.857142857142858,27.142857142857146,7.957251820313856,2.020142857142857,288,12,51,5,7,99,50,70,0.251,0.5710000000000001,0.17800000000000002,-0.5856,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,12,2,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,8,9,0,4,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,1,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489541143609028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806807827814588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345288966657032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709230231052375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214978458914364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356970180590802,0.0,0.0,0.2044867563905354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900730707484247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612476331359558,0.0,0.0,0.2571388817586721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24194870321049824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924289247780278,0.0,0.0,0.2592315207930377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350344259851496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659012971814982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32901134959116435,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Copp97,2018/01/22,"Finally time to end it I am 20 years old and for the past 4-5 years i have been depressed. In 2016 i met a girl who i fell in love with, in 2017 we started seeing eachother and we talked together 24/7. I was finally happy again, i never felt this way about anyone before. But the 9th of december she left me. Now im so broken and more depressed than ever. We go to school together and it kills me to see her. I feel so alone, even though my friends are trying to help me. I am finally done, been thinking about killing myself everyday since she left me. Now the time has come, i cant go another day crying",1.8289393939393928,3.5022915476190484,3.580447330447331,89.79435064935066,77.96825396825399,7.121500721500722,23.359307359307362,8.00094639256281,1.1397238095238094,469,15,103,8,11,157,87,126,0.173,0.7290000000000001,0.098,-0.8887,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,3,0,0,0,10,7,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,2,15,21,8,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,6,4,21,3,13,15,1,28,0,2,2,1,13,5,0,0,18,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315808293188542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493961741198294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966492355806679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761820104004167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906749154390894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183226074226064,0.08914286138872808,0.0,0.2381037668476876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145085097367005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242518476000525,0.0,0.0,0.09129546031921937,0.125031263921895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989006360021281,0.0,0.1327164430356699,0.4542519712807743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679129954153052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571114455133605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471417151681481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926484427169358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493053318039735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058481228057856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003609421635107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475229964845508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660665044065057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504253744788606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319501765679158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988977926871665,0.2202928103764183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434008563867402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978354571041187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109898651553657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856817551823576,0.13580409845604738,0.0,0.1611987198832647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384482942771982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971555139971946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802308158718816
suicidewatch,Choicesinlife,2018/01/22,"New semester is starting and all I can think about is not being around anymore. I'm a lazy fuck, I only passed 1 class last semester and thought I might not make it back into school this semester. To my disappointment I did, and the more I think of life and the future the more I think about just skipping to the end and just giving up.

I'm lazy and I'm done, I don't want to struggle with work and barely scraping by with being ""okay"" at best for the next 50+ years.

All I could think about after my dad called me to go to class today was blowing my brains out. I drove to class just fantasizing about not being around anymore, it'd be so relieving. No more stress, disappointment, fighting, failing. I don't want to hurt anyone but I'm just tired and I'm not even that old. I can't imagine trying to do this for much longer.",2.217784313725492,4.035749523529415,3.3370588235294143,91.32343137254904,77.29411764705881,6.180392156862745,21.92156862745098,7.03164865440522,0.4778156862745102,649,18,141,7,15,209,96,170,0.146,0.794,0.06,-0.8793,0,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,13,11,2,2,6,1,17,5,1,1,2,36,35,10,0,3,9,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,14,0,0,6,0,0,3,8,8,0,0,5,0,15,3,25,23,7,20,0,4,0,1,4,6,1,1,11,95,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31018786049912983,0.10934946090791876,0.0,0.0,0.2784352593504589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202519875583685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411855971204206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457966709351072,0.15968866224730324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486233337314233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003824764891414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851250736365536,0.0,0.0,0.10329217100651106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144577306901902,0.0,0.15002070763518752,0.08887836394220912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741557053113496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274763177146239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046079769099236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438956963690814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590194545039913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496247521004264,0.0,0.0,0.1510395865262872,0.16631940088597055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641019008929998,0.0,0.0,0.1189393979078239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827204279121732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106915582698627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914083636276673,0.1634896989838412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008260257137185,0.0,0.1241538483793143,0.0,0.179743907471555,0.14823663668530715,0.0,0.0,0.10617654082066393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844822668110775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385163430264265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070813226700398
suicidewatch,Lowsolow,2018/01/22,"On the verge I cant take my life anymore. I will be ending it soon and am ready to finally make this decision. The past few years have been hell, with ups and downs but no matter what these demons and negativity tht keeps happening, i cant take. 

I am weak and everyone in my life is better off without me. College ruined my life, im a slave to work and cant keep up with this world. I lost everything i ever loved. I am drained and want to let it all go. This is the only way. 

I want leave this life and all its troubles behind. Ive lost all my friends and can no longer even hold a conversation. I am not who i used to be and will never be again, ive lost myself, im tired of this mess i created. I have no future.

I hope tht whoever else feels like this finds a way to overcome it. Plz do. Stay strong",0.5107786467188049,2.3300862254335293,2.6343148588915355,94.30125807548454,82.69942196531792,6.151513090785447,19.425025501530094,7.285733465282438,0.21633247194831728,619,16,149,9,17,209,103,173,0.197,0.602,0.201,-0.0155,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,6,4,14,1,0,6,0,22,7,0,2,5,31,38,10,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,2,6,0,0,0,13,11,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,4,1,21,6,16,28,4,21,2,4,0,1,4,8,1,1,10,100,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342499904887473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898744140168285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238877595603047,0.0,0.1191602478157253,0.0,0.0,0.08886071683220244,0.12169682588474715,0.0,0.12855629889305215,0.12091358498087038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802617708753379,0.0961135811187108,0.0,0.1473792002702426,0.12296479189339192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039433000887683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646073321743076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897102266484527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362604433469194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29064706535419915,0.0,0.0,0.2391661342574988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245573381181142,0.0,0.13757365775436275,0.3801111185497202,0.06572820229140418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4405905579481613,0.0,0.12142530126324058,0.0,0.08980479253510944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376357536412982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102321793168754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284312191971315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339902085831055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231083792470891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463100744718236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619716040787127,0.0,0.0,0.15870734743902926,0.2135791311184615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968930076168686,0.0,0.09794486588933124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663770677754587
suicidewatch,John_Sl0w,2018/01/22,"I've been thinking about suicide a lot I think about it daily, I set at my desk at work and just think about how awesome it would be to not be in constant torment. 

I recently got divorced from a woman who put up with my depression and irritability until she couldn't anymore. Now I'm a 30 year old man going home to an apartment alone, with no one to share my life with. Such an odd feeling to know 2 months ago things where fine, great job, nice house, in school working on masters, rocky but semi stable relationship, and 2 amazing dogs...to now coming home to silence. 

The reason I haven't done it is for my parents and brother, the thought of their pain and dealing with me committing such an act stops me in my tracks, I could never do that to them. I hope that I stay committed to them. 

I text with my ex still, things are pretty cordial for the most part. However, she's already started looking for someone. I don't get that, how could you already be looking for a relationship?? I will not act all high and mighty because I have already slept with someone else, but I'm not even close to being ready for a relationship. How is this even reality?? People suck. I tell myself that everything will be ok and I all this will pass, but it's so hard to see that from where I'm currently standing...fuuuuuucccckkkkk!",6.641814671814675,6.096585440154443,7.024227799227803,77.65286679536679,65.25482625482626,9.407722007722008,34.33011583011583,8.634040054169528,2.641752123552124,1035,41,206,13,14,338,152,259,0.09,0.764,0.145,0.9408,4,1,0,0,1,1,35.0,0,1,3,3,17,10,1,0,11,1,21,3,1,4,5,45,41,15,1,5,7,3,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,14,15,0,1,7,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,5,5,28,7,34,24,5,34,0,1,3,0,19,12,1,3,14,143,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855975361553464,0.0,0.0,0.1151552495763094,0.36808982080511415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026671731956836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777800394384341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577696504700857,0.0,0.12015265568060232,0.0,0.1775460792793548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462796896699255,0.0957644099965028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378196545426313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288170490221513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687471783547018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099926881695516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621902411626997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809013910742555,0.0,0.06318961300981529,0.0,0.08892566727458681,0.12258304855672947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960089081202438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747420077660835,0.22305741275706506,0.1104328676201692,0.0,0.1282938111586222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033503065849476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061104963214181275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853401828354822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673661285966228,0.0,0.0,0.0945264313505798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887476703316839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575356128391687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667109014682407,0.0,0.07534256706906532,0.0,0.11830983105805608,0.0,0.1234589867101983,0.12040369242057712,0.0,0.07708243002187591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311621809371215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177272278669956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431781089968225,0.10978284295067617,0.3581167273567969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125262515042799,0.08860091249906257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884152139011704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869808151592521,0.11850957024248575,0.08879334916673352,0.0929565436132118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161952810207476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718153689269246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477341855201929,0.21373065664424004,0.0,0.08826932995604324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188958466420172,0.0,0.0,0.07898340297443186,0.0,0.0,0.07160019179730974
suicidewatch,FinalDays_Throwaway,2018/01/22,"I'm a coward. Hello. The formatting of this post may be weird because I am on mobile. Im in such a distraught mental state that I can't even write properly so my apologies in advance. 

I'm not sure how old your account has to be to post here, but I came to say I'm a coward. I am leaving this Wednesday because I am a coward. I'm saying this here on Reddit because it is my safe place and to be honest, there's nobody else in my dysfunctional life who cares. I can't even tell anyone my problems because they don't listen, they cut me off while I speak, they shout at me and give toxic, unhelpful responses. 

There's no point in telling my life story as it will all not matter anymore or to anyone once I'm gone. 

Anyways, I've taken the past 2 years to realize that some people cannot be helped and that I am one of those people. My life is beyond repair and drowned in misery. No matter who I talk to, they tell me the same things like:  

""Just ignore your problems"" 
""Just join clubs."" 
""Just talk to people.""
""Change who you are."" 
""Just don't care about those problems. You have other things to think about!"" 
""People who or want to commit suicide are cowards."" 

As if it's that easy to ignore my problems, join clubs with my social anxiety, talk to people, change who I am, or just not care. Its easier said than done. 
There's a reason why I care about my problems. That's because it's  the only thing I can think about. I have no friends, an unstable and  dysfunctional family, bad marks in school and much more...So what else is there to think about aside from that? 

The last statement got to me the most. I guess I am a coward. A coward for wanting to take my own life. A coward because my problems cannot be fixed. A coward because I'm taking the easy way out. A coward because I'm running away from my problems. A coward because I'm considered selfish thinking about how shitty my life is everday nonstop. A coward because I want to break down everday in tears all alone. I want to die. I just want to die. 

I feel empty. I'm just here. I serve no purpose. I'm just here. Living and breathing. Nothing to look forward to but watching fucking shows and reading, drawing, writing. The same thing everyday. That's it. I know it's a selfish act because I'd cause pain to some people but they never cared prior and I can't bare to keep feeling this feeling of living and breathing. Watching time pass me everyday. 

Wednesday, I'm going to either run on the main road in front of my school or I'm going to OD.

Thanks for reading this mess. If one person replies I'll actually feel touched. I will delete this post Wednesday night.",1.984156186019301,4.189986855513308,3.250817490494299,89.7724473530272,79.68441064638783,5.186838256800233,23.613483474700203,6.197336934236889,0.5948094179584675,2050,71,406,15,52,664,226,526,0.279,0.638,0.084,-0.999,0,1,0,0,0,5,78.0,0,4,5,1,30,29,2,1,23,0,32,9,2,4,5,81,79,25,5,14,21,0,5,1,1,3,6,6,0,1,33,13,0,4,12,5,1,11,15,18,0,2,6,14,51,11,59,65,11,51,0,0,3,1,34,21,1,11,16,262,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.059811721107030626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347957155110645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046887875606935185,0.0,0.06078475794674666,0.08571296764740699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057585438177088576,0.0,0.05117589241633425,0.4109904267023952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010121633622764,0.3124541512372108,0.06296331561602579,0.1296766869334647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722192509800606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272254581405859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240246717057884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096499459807005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778022792103421,0.0,0.12396341728415065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735370718471905,0.056663059543874524,0.0,0.05879644926098005,0.06966681197951258,0.0,0.04902045959047917,0.0,0.06751956336738323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04108244067047632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620540244117112,0.0,0.0,0.05447875466941509,0.0,0.0,0.03368423844118303,0.049960801842841455,0.0,0.06489891219489696,0.0,0.0,0.2164602070321949,0.029943960240121862,0.0,0.10824314071602358,0.0,0.051469473692473684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061767476510811374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505634886779143,0.0,0.04727182954588022,0.0,0.0,0.057517977018213005,0.0,0.05881090482402316,0.0,0.06431518182775554,0.0652735110171565,0.0830654945337152,0.04661499325296223,0.06521854117360408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850972926627905,0.2549511020944452,0.05351742603129563,0.06403663491452778,0.0,0.057940335345051885,0.0,0.176101115668584,0.0,0.0,0.41053421692941305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261629265293665,0.0,0.0,0.06301793173365818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830230914785379,0.097483017086368,0.0,0.12406066175924076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247902675095194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704301857338638,0.0,0.057766569906374375,0.0,0.09216725052216247,0.1477915026381849,0.16071457481940024,0.05642903363027961,0.0,0.0,0.16287755590437022,0.1570926271102939,0.0,0.0,0.03573960150627765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807567503695061,0.048650387408871565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530609957149031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039469755091437284
suicidewatch,Sorschaliora,2018/01/22,"I don't know who I am anymore. I have been struggling with depression since I was a child. Classic case of abusive parents with childhood obesity, poverty and divorce. I grew up hating myself and staying in my place. Because of this upbringing I was a bit antisocial. I had friends, but only a couple good ones.  I would often be terrified that my friends would leave me or hate me. I even got obsessive. As a teen I started self harming. I self harmed for a few years. I was ""clean"" up until a few days ago. December of 2016 i was a passenger in a head on with a semi. The person driving was one of my best friends. He showed his true colors after the accident and refused to take any responsibility or try to help in any way. I broke booth ankles, pelvis, sternum, bruised heart and lungs, my right leg has permanent nerve damage. I ended up losing my job in June of 2017, from not being able to keep up with work because I was in pain. I moved back in with my mom, stepdad and brother. I enjoy the family life but i feel like a burden. The work here is very seasonal and i haven't been able to find anything all winter. I have a few interviews but no luck. Inn the past year+ I lost my job, lost a ""good"" friend, nearly died, self harmed again, and i can't stop thinking about how I've failed. I don't have a plan to kill myself but it is always there in the back of my mind as if it is whispering to me. I should mention i went to counseling from ages 12-16 and again briefly after the accident. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and chronic depression. I used to take meds but i cant afford them. I have been off of them for a while, i learned a lot of coping skills in the past, but it has been really hard lately. I feel like i'm slipping. It's numb, and i don't even know who i am anymore. I dont know what i want to do/ can do, i dont even know what i enjoy anymore. The only reason i am still here is my family and pets, if i still lived alone i don't think i would have lived to 2018. I'm sorry if this is long, i am kinda using this to vent. I am so torn, and every day all i can think is "" man i should just kill myself""",1.768264101958934,3.312466966367712,3.538937927779088,90.5947510030682,77.76681614349775,6.578144913854143,22.72338919046495,7.3759095455046575,0.7326690582959641,1641,49,367,21,38,550,219,446,0.241,0.652,0.107,-0.9965,5,1,0,0,1,2,59.0,0,0,2,9,17,33,4,2,24,0,51,11,5,4,3,63,75,29,3,9,13,3,3,2,4,5,6,1,2,6,12,18,1,3,12,2,0,4,11,20,0,2,16,5,64,13,50,52,8,50,0,8,1,0,24,17,0,9,29,252,76,7,0.15828486012504447,0.09377083815815464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015498906944441,0.0,0.0,0.08196768943669305,0.0,0.0,0.06585284177990458,0.0,0.0,0.10763913270416332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23546407325003355,0.0,0.0,0.06512747656938869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171128709483127,0.0,0.09648898158527122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305509765070185,0.0,0.08640303591859855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756959355110304,0.0,0.1020806402008894,0.0,0.13633051808862326,0.08032790057839485,0.08213734742661337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550867722242664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009670231762244,0.0,0.0,0.15681848593878378,0.0,0.06668091071269439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921687913409126,0.0,0.08003358120712885,0.11307873570014225,0.0,0.0,0.07233474729113483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445809805800744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327618308985641,0.06329743111957603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708960721785241,0.15627352955767315,0.08122296583577363,0.0,0.0,0.09378416068003267,0.05304750262008152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707329991952165,0.07034542821457614,0.17511874587527365,0.0,0.17397843923603384,0.0,0.0892761083121366,0.08380040617142137,0.0,0.0,0.0559006388728784,0.07732998737998613,0.0,0.13976843140348258,0.07003856013829739,0.0,0.08854013539036586,0.1727866227793671,0.06728406387907487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790939841574358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991129339239804,0.09269065757065363,0.0,0.08411587828172208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725791766510777,0.1203827687140636,0.08421312554273186,0.0,0.08787830270928647,0.0,0.15110080929460085,0.0,0.0691041172647608,0.0826869948077559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251326554970367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050700667255793835,0.08137159925738635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758720284650281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24768844463356576,0.0,0.0,0.0654674359830245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885934709688103,0.05601741934210526,0.08435530021125899,0.12640649376074967,0.06616661529570153,0.0,0.08273685156518261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190105160201388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521338206584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053732514966903684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670729815633526,0.0,0.06530079326736768,0.046680255760533036,0.06281957720673494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336582556203564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523326333461795,0.0,0.0,0.16866153482750054,0.0,0.0,0.10193026034753934
suicidewatch,Sintanan,2018/01/22,"What is the point? I have been trying all morning to figure out the reason why I go to work, why I put myself through daily pain, why I put up with idiots, assholes, know-it-alls, inane questions, and all manner of other bullshit.  Sure, my job gives me money so I can pay my bills and keep a roof over my head, but I have hit the point where that incentive doesn't seem worth it anymore.

I'm 30, overweight, single, barely paying bills, depressed, and in chronic pain.  I have nothing in my life worth looking forward to, and I have no one dependent on me.  I have nothing, and cannot find a reason anymore to try to gain something.

I have been told to keep my chin up, make my parents proud.  My father has told me he's so disappointed in me I should kill myself; he's replaced my mother and myself with a new family.  My mother doesn't care about anyone other than herself and her cats.  My sister has her own life and I have no part in it.

I have been told take pride in what you do.  I get up, go to work, spend my day serving others and staring at a brick wall, go home, sleep, and repeat.  If all I do is wait and serve others, I fail to see a way to take pride in that.  My role in the world is to be a mindless automaton, then how can I take pride in that?

I just can't see the forest for the trees anymore when all I do is sacrifice and chip away at my physical and mental health to make others happy.

I guess, ultimately I have lost the reason to look forward, to get out of bed, to keep putting myself through pain and anguish.  I don't get enjoyment anymore out of video games, movies, friends.  At best they just help quiet the voice in the back of my head telling me to give up.

I don't even know if this is the right place for my rant.  It's not like I'm suicidal.  I'm so far past caring about anything that I don't even have the willpower to try to kill myself.  I guess, ultimately I'm just going to continue laying here until my bladder tells me to get up, then I'm going to go through the motions because at the bare minimum I don't want to ruin the mattress.

",5.084912587412589,4.487183717948724,5.876821095571097,84.76600087412591,68.46386946386946,8.362121212121213,29.063811188811197,7.333567415737692,1.4986650349650343,1601,48,348,13,24,527,197,429,0.17600000000000002,0.71,0.115,-0.9802,3,0,1,0,0,2,55.0,0,1,1,10,15,24,3,1,20,0,35,12,4,7,5,51,77,25,3,4,7,5,0,1,1,1,8,2,3,0,15,19,1,4,8,2,8,12,11,12,0,1,7,7,58,12,60,67,8,55,1,5,5,0,24,34,0,7,13,232,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071889202268542,0.0541461273978296,0.0,0.06372449603980321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275511646319263,0.059544687135317374,0.0,0.04720520469086688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126591908852299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579054627856656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994080605358245,0.0,0.06669683839805136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229352763296397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300121948776314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077650724549409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059828050115608926,0.0,0.16183167089776987,0.14857028613552434,0.26405722590500785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061235797949928,0.0,0.0,0.08243369962693549,0.0,0.0,0.15894651036351093,0.08231248223153224,0.0,0.0,0.05190474971087252,0.0,0.07767616493793837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684480810504038,0.20649012664732946,0.17134632594178098,0.0,0.08511529193285804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939284701693902,0.03783206976631224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005605831388936,0.0,0.08453222080010721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338031645760608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780388252558192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478965718042799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860681329259862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524736801540709,0.0,0.2471970019948358,0.0,0.08598522233570881,0.08385730791008039,0.07392289269219593,0.0,0.0,0.0809057459420545,0.0,0.14640700772241005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353834360657386,0.08674776547904993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388560601962737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613123472616944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341538454809405,0.07049622665581669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749346291579055,0.0,0.0,0.05961520035589522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470409844500243,0.0,0.07298396355503622,0.0,0.17467017508516966,0.0,0.13536764360878706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219846595100115,0.0,0.157725016425395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567466651620969,0.06146631360218025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096260014419573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275090053883514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychimp,2018/01/22,I turn 21 tomorrow and I’m scared I am all alone in my thoughts and they are eating at me and saying really disturbing things and i just keep telling myself how much of a worthless pathetic piece of shit I am and I just want to go away forever. I know that feeling nothing has to better than whatever this is. It’s all my fault I’m such a selfish disgusting human being I’m so incompetent it’s time for me to go ,0.2817868338557972,2.6259896551724147,2.9566144200626963,87.95210031347963,89.22988505747125,6.841797283176594,22.85161964472309,8.00094639256281,1.5713080459770112,328,13,69,8,11,114,61,87,0.35,0.622,0.029,-0.9855,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,2,2,2,0,6,2,1,1,2,15,17,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,12,1,10,15,4,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27021515154839043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451254399452739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074607347286025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669672513812274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191957967503515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29655253961160505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319011390508825,0.0,0.0,0.14338457826307974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917925379777583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503419158544146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714010825826653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074792534963804,0.2612078014145189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678115228742524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280393105462625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333128744062745,0.0,0.0,0.2071265570514994,0.15213369594851292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283785787612084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538863968392343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ziptieyourshit,2018/01/22,"Well, that's it Just found out I'm failing out of college which I honestly already expected because some days I can't even go to class because I don't have the motivation to be alive, much less go deal with shit. I've been suicidal for three weeks solid now and I'm at the breaking point. I just tried to open my forearm but my blade isn't sharp enough to get through the scar tissue. I'm literally frantic and don't know what to do",2.1658516483516483,3.9544729890109913,3.498997252747256,90.23662774725277,77.35164835164834,6.747802197802199,26.759615384615394,7.6454224807358475,1.354482417582418,346,14,76,5,8,113,65,91,0.142,0.782,0.075,-0.7856,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,1,3,0,8,2,2,1,0,14,16,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,2,1,6,2,12,13,4,11,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,1,3,46,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912802093409848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32180826626981546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702287313175226,0.2721253637821891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27273542216702074,0.0,0.17433937101726327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894123410377981,0.0,0.0,0.13790526325488722,0.0,0.3000227009605872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450624179544218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940368318664071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249522195875659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709453661949248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28872323767095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920768982865598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117282729722924,0.0,0.23732667697573626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sickofeverything17,2018/01/22,"I'm seriously so tired I have been through so much the past few years. I'm 23, still in undergraduate at uni, and already in a LOT of debt because of how fucking dumb I've been. Now I have a part of a project due tomorrow and my partner hasn't replied to any of my texts or emails at all, and the professor for that class is a huge asshole, another class I;m taking i found out isn't even required for my major, and as usual I have money problems. I'm so sick of everything being so hard when everyone has everything on eays mode because of a few dumb ass mistakes I made. I fucking hate my life. ",5.241578341013824,4.768060185483872,6.354055299539173,81.05822580645163,68.11290322580646,9.66635944700461,34.64976958525345,9.23628265651192,2.868280184331797,469,21,101,8,7,158,79,124,0.255,0.728,0.018000000000000002,-0.9834,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,5,0,7,0,10,6,1,2,1,14,19,12,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,8,0,0,4,1,10,0,17,14,7,15,0,0,0,3,2,7,5,2,8,65,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047049891835968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586236618784014,0.20949463695393608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24357723849855656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319577742554196,0.0,0.0,0.1909055392888076,0.3591122853858645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905670613906625,0.0,0.3694006901145511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897037773559898,0.19724881615856465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111583543793202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985220701227974,0.0,0.18904378428519567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686681675666227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635041752729076,0.19071979648966486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116967697186674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595505734057224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502153529253262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296263669820956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200377300736975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865661408681747
suicidewatch,Anxietygrill,2018/01/22,Just came home from the hospital after a (almost successful) suicide attempt and all I feel is disappointment I just wanted it all to stop. I'm tired of dealing with BPD and depression. I'm tired of fighting these thoughts every fucking day. I've tried my best for years to get better and have gotten exactly nowhere. Why can't people just let me die?,5.094179104477611,6.7392196119403,5.4867462686567166,79.59220895522391,69.29850746268656,8.345074626865673,31.310447761194034,8.841846274778883,2.6921964179104467,282,12,50,5,5,90,54,67,0.312,0.602,0.086,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,2,1,7.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,3,16,13,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,1,4,3,8,9,3,5,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633793415475765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162457997978809,0.18224209655699228,0.0,0.0,0.25952360756220433,0.0,0.0,0.23567615673538395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328907575123085,0.2124373802908392,0.17747798000863993,0.0,0.2138563061143344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361326729107554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041894252632787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904978658018988,0.10765711967090158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066935881687312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070889099574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285509590608322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227422577615578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22539467614271835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635875204356899,0.0,0.4736681225838317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399002710590577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153870776432475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593584636986227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269498980761002
suicidewatch,Tobyuoso,2018/01/22,"Jumping tomorrow I'm done giving it all i have to get nothing back.
I am jumping off a building tomorrow.. i'm not changing my mind on this.

i wish luck to you all",0.03557142857142637,2.1532519142857147,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,87.0,5.7857142857142865,28.75,7.1686216300943375,1.7651428571428582,127,7,27,2,4,45,26,35,0.0,0.753,0.247,0.8188,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863001936785905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39387770543667305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810247317170248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452801312092446,0.3571746174332932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759490072194269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572624315830353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281632279893064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SickSignificance,2018/01/22,"I'm going to go to every bad neighborhood in Chicago tonight and walk down every street alone I'm 24F, white, and I look like I could be rich because I spent my last $50 on a nice haircut and nails.

When I see people out, I'll say hi and act like we're old friends.

If I don't get raped or otherwise attacked, I'll see it as a sign that the human race is better than my conservative parents taught me and keep on living. ",7.0252197802197776,4.221192813186814,7.546236263736263,81.48001373626373,65.92307692307692,10.41868131868132,33.739010989010985,8.07648339933343,2.2609978021978017,330,10,76,3,4,110,70,91,0.08800000000000001,0.6940000000000001,0.218,0.9112,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,15,9,0,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,2,5,8,6,9,11,0,14,0,0,4,1,5,6,0,2,6,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312187875857415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25606855008598584,0.0,0.0,0.18793794437691924,0.13721072791756975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907084357008767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971336834450746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37929040795231656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173901381426269,0.0,0.11759848045048175,0.0,0.2558438517926833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006734971008366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347565532182655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199319276447632,0.0,0.19875562885717293,0.0,0.1890160899439048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23619056735937197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499320789751673,0.0,0.0,0.1560467366628232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789979322082569,0.0,0.0,0.3587298235642879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,V29A15A16,2018/01/22,"I’ve been angry and sad with no valid reason, and I just want to end it. Lately I’ve just been angry with everything in my life and it’s just too much. I’m sick of waking up and being pissed all day at NOTHING. Literally nothing in my life is worth being upset about yet I’m irrationally angry. I want to let it out but I don’t want to hurt the people in my life. So I’ll just remove the one thing I can control, me. 

Hope the world is better without me. ",0.31424242424242266,2.1761111818181824,2.931606060606061,91.67740909090912,83.64646464646465,5.172121212121212,16.97070707070707,6.2581,-0.3587098989898987,353,7,80,3,10,123,61,99,0.214,0.667,0.119,-0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,1,1,3,0,9,6,2,2,1,20,15,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,2,0,9,2,14,10,2,12,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,1,4,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162901447643093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303347675751725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244369866233774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818927957487064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456918661482424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397418798981512,0.0,0.0,0.2198479166637566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316611252392171,0.0,0.0,0.21000004354652266,0.43516698300529466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096720447956358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941072953003199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391609153158857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423745159463948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114984291847905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643565171857608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633895153044914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979649247685183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zmnxndjsjdjf,2018/01/22,"I'm tired of living with my speech impediment getting in the way of everything, I'm just wondering how and when I should go I'm 26M and I have no friends. I talk too quickly and have problems with d and t sounds in the middle of words. People can't understand me, and when I make a joke, it's just lost when I have to repeat it twice. 

For someone with this condition, I dream too big and live in disappointment:

I wanted to be some kind of intellectual, like a college professor. I couldn't make the connections for that when I was doing my undergrad.

I wanted to be a video game designer. Also couldn't make the connections to have my ideas considered.

I wanted relationships and friends and just had to settle for people who just wanted something from me. The people who I used to call my best friends are married and successful now, and I don't even know what we'd talk about.

My parents are constantly bitching at me to take service jobs that don't even require a high school diploma and then they police me to make sure I'm being a good worker. Yes, at 26 years old and when I had a somewhat respectable job and lived on my own for three years. I was miserable during that time, but it kept them off my ass at least. To my parents, I'm always going to be lazy and incompetent.

I feel dead inside and know that I'll never connect with anyone again.",5.1720273496852585,5.6022089594095945,5.9104536574777535,81.08053614065551,68.2619926199262,9.033297156500977,29.594313001953548,9.007467420416297,2.2521359235945297,1072,37,215,18,17,351,146,271,0.117,0.7879999999999999,0.095,-0.8932,4,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,2,5,19,16,1,1,11,1,22,2,1,6,2,51,47,24,1,8,5,2,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,11,19,0,2,6,4,0,2,7,5,0,2,6,3,31,11,32,33,5,30,0,3,0,1,15,11,2,3,17,150,42,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444461220049964,0.09826874909900687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257834016747953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393877518161925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059341273801015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276242588907639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560080125350749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614076024716744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971496216840815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737315470987018,0.0,0.0617024310486668,0.0,0.13423802385874029,0.09905676579683273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477924626779492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332064462183169,0.0,0.0,0.2343922643692917,0.0,0.0,0.12298308679616675,0.12980945948440284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769774638633855,0.0,0.3128536722102828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892021682465787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31533095160560176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108608248490388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239261948029486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622723832951029,0.0,0.0,0.2456272301926977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130058517947771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679531624833262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952361246317347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006583667115614,0.09091923154487486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130795236632736,0.0,0.08879658206713238,0.1898487835029972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886512161791526,0.13573869876429495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229463755010181,0.0,0.10200057293979624,0.0,0.0,0.2786340098452128,0.0937423671352953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280745272803135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210519256202265
suicidewatch,muyloco123,2018/01/22,"I seriously want to kill myself what is wrong with me I'm 17 years old, in my last year of high school, but I absolutely hate myself. I'm dumb, I have no talent, I'm ugly, I'm short and simply, everyone's lives would be much easier if I didn't exist. I don't do anything and everyone around me is so productive with their extra-curricular activities. I find it genuinely hard to sit an exam without getting distracted. I don't know what is wrong with me. Sometimes I feel if I were to just end it all now, everything will be just simpler. But also, I don't want to be one of those lost causes. What do I do. I'm currently doing the IB programme and everyone around me is telling me that I'm going to fail (teachers, head of sixth form). And you know what, at this rate, I probably am. I may sound defeatist, but I don't want to. Help. Please. My TOK essay was due a couple of weeks ago, and as usual, I leave it until the last minute to complete it. I was so tired by 1am that I accidentally plagiarized it. I didn't do it on purpose, I swear. The head of sixth form called me in today, and yes, I confessed that it was bullshit. I thought I cited everything, but I apparently I didn't. Why am I so f****** stupid. You may be thinking this is petty teenage problems, but I have had the thought several times in my life but I'm always like nah, everything will work itself out. The school called my parents and my parents got mad. Obviously. So now I am typing this while they think I am writing my re-draft. Oops. Is there any way to fix how I'm feeling? Or at least, with the plagiarism thing? I've been a terrible student, I keep repeating the same patterns and honestly sometimes I think it would be easier to end it all. ",1.0514084928229686,3.2884135965909103,3.275472488038279,88.07778110047848,83.48863636363636,6.659808612440193,23.183612440191393,7.85451343220497,1.279538636363637,1334,49,283,26,38,455,181,352,0.213,0.6990000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.994,4,0,0,0,0,1,59.0,0,2,2,3,13,16,5,1,10,1,41,4,2,2,3,54,67,26,1,8,12,2,3,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,22,15,0,1,11,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,13,4,48,3,31,43,7,33,1,2,0,0,12,11,1,5,20,190,70,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913846176269889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041607184988234,0.08367218207606758,0.0,0.0,0.06838278247910871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275053787172514,0.17903560206472086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536160438193926,0.0,0.0,0.10330060614954092,0.0,0.0,0.1054329866783771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126534220685752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812880600824127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882619889571424,0.2711247196648089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169013512498304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190804803836272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052537323336012916,0.0,0.057149340338725915,0.0,0.08042529431434031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008007702424918,0.09928005280714784,0.20640271862171766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740180344445819,0.10624488363553336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938043247186174,0.11125235596347363,0.0,0.1105279229537342,0.16393612895344475,0.0,0.1064762378312924,0.0,0.0,0.07102697936062799,0.04912748340932405,0.0,0.0887944189254964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977076592855398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392158598050995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551854206569243,0.0,0.06814059783455989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331517201345769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038231621614288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841836407003838,0.09622027647372644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353981415459088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360174153898955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890855877205948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789198828703451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680616359089378,0.1933002190642273,0.0,0.15966339209406574,0.058636087744429986,0.11557644950106885,0.09531707858737293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075025892028957,0.0,0.17793486600351768,0.07981813631598644,0.08066143723580269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073781381436126,0.0,0.0,0.0969341736031298,0.0,0.07320730837386474,0.0,0.0,0.14286681505694307,0.21988843407064956,0.0,0.1295119097724782
suicidewatch,AppropriateSwimming,2018/01/22,"I'm so far below the poverty line I can't SEE it any more I have no money to pay my bills. The government help I can get will only pay half of it, and my family say they can't help me. I'm applying for so many jobs right now.

I just want to die I have gone through so much shit in my life I can't take it any more. I have done almost 37 years of this. No more.",-2.3835401069518696,-0.6758734823529409,0.7506951871657783,103.44358288770054,95.58823529411764,4.502673796791443,12.433155080213904,6.11248444174946,-1.2519411764705883,274,4,77,3,11,96,55,85,0.213,0.711,0.076,-0.9033,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,0,0,4,16,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,12,0,8,13,4,7,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,2,48,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507760580377822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34061092264815823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599136298110381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562835696907185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23608931807463224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084277596053456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33572471939673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485196613206723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689076179611546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25390338318453337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184099700916154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046830317433008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138714698122529,0.0,0.19915721913758766,0.0,0.0,0.19956552905778607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570695491227466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882971399345222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477139826808748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127294577039775
suicidewatch,thenoblefox,2018/01/22,"Running out of time      I have wanted to be dead for five years now. Not kill myself mind you, but be dead. I remember, as a young child, thinking how scary death was. I have always been an atheist, so to me, death means emptiness. The void. It’s a scary thought, but as I get older I realize how peaceful it sounds. To just sleep forever. Every problem, gone forever. Still, I don’t want to die. There are things in this life that I could do. Things I could contribute. I just don’t know if it’s worth it. I just turned twenty one, and it feels just as strange as always. I never thought I’d live past eighteen. Every year since then feels empty. Like I shouldn’t be here. Like the Reaper overlooked me somehow. I have wanted death for a very long time, but I have never been as serious about it as I am now. I even purchased enough Oxycodone to end it, if I decided. I don’t know why I’m posting here. Looking for attention? Help? Maybe a way to leave a record of sorts if I go through with it. I am not sure. Either way, I think I ran out of time years ago. Now I’m not sure if there’s a way back. Or if I’d want to go if I found one.",-0.2232433992208911,1.9389436861924665,1.4977780983985018,99.00305439330543,89.12552301255229,4.635463858029143,18.701630356369925,6.129581340695534,-0.29745978935218576,867,25,205,8,29,281,125,239,0.227,0.6809999999999999,0.091,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,1,0,0,19,7,1,0,9,0,20,2,1,2,4,53,43,21,8,14,18,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,12,4,0,0,14,0,2,5,9,3,0,3,8,4,27,4,25,29,2,32,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,9,22,133,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071921012578604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123741954266386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929833272269441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309643754069847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255003383107979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710304302428122,0.12494713337037194,0.0,0.07986936375598809,0.0,0.20376788672880314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122285925129169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325872601635754,0.0,0.0,0.06317795900318596,0.0,0.13744813978766948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105301344569685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378482834221986,0.0,0.13291367244611235,0.0,0.0,0.12804138013456282,0.0,0.0,0.08541241359911346,0.11815501573664755,0.0,0.1067783777774101,0.10701420568774632,0.10154596161169706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148471887160422,0.13172201958597826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209907757929267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652855931894152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638828788026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154359331024822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581205873799305,0.0,0.0,0.11570822981317197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698366609734988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000298356548576,0.0,0.12101163625014995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657030710560614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279394549554089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067347160080614,0.15496682535880682,0.0,0.1920007834337838,0.21153580611245976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153092081607376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977521680183647,0.28529715526134897,0.28795225700575994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911537773895064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336138655284671
suicidewatch,nerdherder980,2018/01/22,"I want to die I took a gap year before starting University. During that gap year I felt myself die inside, it's a queer sensation to describe, something I've never been able to adequately put into words, but it's like I've somehow become less intelligent, I'm constantly doubting the definitions of words I've known for years, I'm rendered unable to enjoy books I previously loved because of this, I seem unable to process and understand scientific concepts as easily as I used to, my maths isn't as formidable as it used to be. Whatever 'it' was, I lost it. 

I've never been good, socially, that is. Found it awkward to interact with new people, despite this I've developed a good friend group, well, that I would previously have described as good. I thought I was making headway with my roommates, and, the truth is I simply don't know anymore. I feel like a burden on everybody, I'm far too awkward and weird. I feel like everybody hates me, no matter how much they tell me otherwise. I developed a crush on my roommate which she consequently found out about, which we discussed over messenger, an action prompted by one of my other roommates putting something in the group-chat. It was the most soul-eviscerating, un-fulfilling moments of recent memory. I want to talk about it more, as a consequence of what was said I can't bring it up again. She accused me of avoiding her when it feels like that's all she does with me, our friendship, in contrast with everybody else's feels so woefully deficient, so empty, so awkward I want to cry. The worst part, I was the one to make it awkward.  I've told a few people I want to kill myself, I've even written a note, I couldn't think of what to say. It's not my best work. I've told them and I still want to.

Any enjoyment I derive from life is usually on a night out, usually after drinking. A habit which I'm futilely raging against, I can't seem to stop. The next morning I'm greeted by that yawning darkness, that pernicious self-doubt which is systematically killing me from the inside. I don't sleep, I can't eat, I can't enjoy my hobbies anymore I'm an absolute emotional, loathsome, drunken wreck who can't seem to forge meaningful relationships. I'm just tired, not as in I need more sleep, which I do need, but I'm just so very tired, with uni, with everything. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone... I talk and I talk with people and it isn't helping anymore.... I know everybody would be better off without me. My roommates have to put up with me for the rest of this year and are tied to me for the next. My parents, I suppose, would miss me, but I think they'd get over it when they realise how enhanced their lives are without me. I can't think of a reason to stay.",4.59033349729464,5.7929195813084124,5.582658632562717,80.11384038366946,70.00934579439253,8.696999508116084,31.088293162813567,9.063066167217693,2.637579439252337,2156,91,414,41,38,711,246,535,0.188,0.684,0.128,-0.9893,1,1,3,0,0,2,80.0,2,0,5,4,18,32,4,6,24,0,34,11,2,7,6,79,82,25,4,11,9,1,5,4,2,3,4,2,0,0,32,19,2,2,20,2,0,6,20,15,1,2,18,7,65,17,70,57,11,46,0,2,0,3,30,15,1,6,28,270,97,3,0.07428523668721355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051650829661378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101298126549695,0.05194196470948361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528359079388642,0.08204220762638989,0.0632112650546074,0.0,0.07795777286833279,0.0656992551241127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080275950545064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159884433491672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419269510995887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650075112243567,0.0,0.0,0.07277125126849696,0.0,0.07601234246068912,0.062055783178791526,0.083560892753606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049064698231151616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676278079475481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024339076270762,0.15920816379671246,0.07132547670046786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628998555465089,0.05739258959204424,0.0,0.038810970158992715,0.0,0.0,0.18692079628215585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334129190856972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979182828585426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437121624185472,0.0,0.081650446713039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052469859547624335,0.14516805741252553,0.0,0.06559522496343591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109111104757319,0.0,0.06704532639948893,0.0,0.09917194464606284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460819633398386,0.11016312347750516,0.2291734162910287,0.07174514449312,0.15800638392897526,0.06971166241100953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067519779258427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248496427608808,0.08044367228878295,0.0,0.15450008920597955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240315417720927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637759550315472,0.07334770939089436,0.07975454372831246,0.0,0.0,0.07066227123757368,0.05907460180475148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202879468565002,0.07749570287289474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867776919348122,0.07572444384216827,0.0,0.11437680890023635,0.0,0.0,0.05257947287122467,0.0791781783433227,0.059324285976560864,0.06210578414322127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791229781232849,0.06492857111896994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279694048832414,0.0,0.05897418018818894,0.0,0.17075990354436388,0.0,0.14196545415702788,0.08253363126782574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733355120096888,0.0,0.12831718703090314,0.16362938654355424,0.06129310004629662,0.21907678631117514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679134908008508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432166345832417,0.0,0.05408053704119037,0.0,0.0,0.15831030238510088,0.0,0.0,0.1913490275576445
suicidewatch,setmefreefromlife,2018/01/22,"Feel like I'm being held ""hostage"" by the 5 people that care about me I crave ending my life for 4 years now. The only thing preventing me from doing so are my parents, sister and 2 friends that actually care about me. I wont allow myself to do it because i dont want to hurt these people. original plan was to wait for my parents to pass so i could leave but thats going to take way to long. I recently turned 20 years old and honestly dont see myself making it to 25. Still in education and i have yearly internships, these internships give me a great taste of what life has in store for me for the upcoming 50+ years, they simply work 50 hours a week and the only time they have for themselves is on sunday evening where they watch soccer and get completely wasted to forget how shit life really is, only if it is for a couple hours. if this is what life is about then i dont want to be a part of it. My parents truly love me but are scared of admitting i was an accident (its pretty obvious). I have autism and am objectively bad looking, so a normal social life or relationships are out of the question (20 years old, never had a kiss lmao). I got through bullying for years on end and always stayed positive and aimed to make even the smallest achievements, but im fucking done doing this, i wouldnt compare life to torture, but rather a heavy nuisance. life isnt fun and i dont want to deal with it. went to a mental health center for therapy when i was 17 but it didnt really help. i feel like autism has always stood in my way of being a normal human being, sorry for this post being a incoherent mess but i dont know how to structure something like this. if i fail this semester and get set back a year i will do it. ",5.040266343825664,4.966837457627118,6.150952380952378,80.98771186440679,68.49152542372882,9.228732849071832,27.87409200968523,8.976282227363876,1.9885142857142863,1356,39,280,22,21,455,184,354,0.162,0.7170000000000001,0.121,-0.9314,4,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,4,16,19,3,1,18,0,39,13,1,6,2,47,66,27,0,11,11,4,2,3,1,3,8,0,0,1,21,12,1,3,5,1,1,3,10,8,0,0,10,6,33,11,41,47,1,41,0,2,3,3,17,8,2,5,28,188,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.07317781728713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479263711634278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766141624590914,0.0626121441656412,0.045712205195868466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291125128419314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862386351228096,0.0,0.0,0.05987209961556425,0.08297318851457065,0.0,0.0,0.07730970128518767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673912257351073,0.4394289679237401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328348496274725,0.0,0.0,0.09905820250096277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583273087958342,0.10714339160158214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793581706219258,0.06932552585824578,0.07835664092248279,0.07193566313620896,0.042617610258122315,0.0,0.059975037816153924,0.08267492612799675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970911475948059,0.0,0.0,0.050263113674892265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769684885727768,0.0,0.0802765849816537,0.0,0.08100029147450337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121163879725573,0.0,0.0,0.07940184048931621,0.0,0.0,0.37076544967680697,0.1099065673457406,0.0,0.0,0.06636233443578479,0.06297133190654924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767991813518423,0.0,0.10011061852334747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755706243983034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783564226728693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469453327442029,0.0,0.0,0.15737532836275675,0.0,0.0,0.1710960692638525,0.0,0.0,0.2497970818872078,0.08120508091135076,0.0,0.10397496689562012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181811540136006,0.0762901158429595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400411949974289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607892080884307,0.0,0.07404195390742188,0.0805094296696914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507642518688007,0.0,0.0597560101659829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697446880365512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644118442399546,0.0,0.05772969928438306,0.0,0.0839433240439272,0.0,0.07992760891995519,0.05988579717545388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638191054976596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575571925109983,0.0,0.04981893099521551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043726312845291736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156579680002704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269022399424946,0.11904453156878647,0.0601511351592282,0.0,0.0,0.06951495636819946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459241555250992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338030294245575
suicidewatch,mexi-chan,2018/01/22,"My thought flow... Everybody always has the same answer...sadly that's seems to be not enough for me me I need more there can't just be that so many years of development and yet we still have the same answers for everything they say that human beings are different and special in their own way but why? On the completely contradicting side why do people think that the same method for helping people should always be the same it should be like that maybe I'm just being naive but are things really like this and I hate getting the same fucking response everyfucking time ""there are many different ways we can help you sir come try our latest services!"" Every fucking time it never changes in a since it everything just seems hopless...meaningless,empty like advertising saying that they'll help it just seems pointless and a bunch of wasted energy no matter how I feel in the future I feel as if everything will just comeback full in a cycle my feelings will never change moving on is but an illusion to me that's when I get sadder happiness is like a drug that only last for a moment and it hurts when it's gone nothing last for ever but I wish it did and at the same time I wish it didn't why can't I just end it? Fear?religion? I don't know it just feels wrong yet I've already tried it multiple times loved once are frightened for me but I feel nothing for those feelings danger lingers close there's nothing stopping the inevitable I may sound crazy but there is truth within my words not everything can be ignored whether if you having better things to do to keep it off your mind it's still there in the back waiting for something relevant to make it grow that's when my anxiety kicks in at full throttle and leaves me a jumbling mess of meat that can barely speak words leading me to seclude may self from humanity it feels like no one else seems to understand though it seems clichéd it also seems to be true they think it's all the same ""just get through"" ""it's not impossible"" ""I've been there before just trust me it will get better just push through"" then they send me back with many things on my mind it's as if nothing really pierced through to me I'm just there feeling guilty for wasting their time on me yet I move back to the same thing nothing has changed and it irretates my skin bones insides to the point where I just can't stand it I lay in bed alone with my thoughts it seems that even in my dreams I'm haunted by the illusions of a ""good"" life yet never seem to reach it instead it gets replaced with may of this world's evils never letting me sleep waking up 4 or 3 times a night leaving me exausted for the following day I need answers surely there is someone out there in the world with some not attached to religion or selfishness raged on by money and power everything g seems unfair and dead and if that's all there is to it In this world then I'd rather not be here it saddens me to think that this is what I have left to do if all else fails then the disappoint my father mother sisters and even the rest of my known family would be disappointed by my future actions there nothing stopping me their judgemental eyes flood my mind everyone I speak to them they think I'm a lunatic and that I will get over it bye my self...I'm not strong enough for that I say. Nonsense your speaking like an idiot they reply, I just can't believe how much they can't simply understand how much it hurts everything hurts I don't want any of it I might as well end it now before any more pain comes and follows Me through my days my mind goes blank a new slate to write on thoughts start to flow through again new ones similar to the old ones but still different why should I distract my self from reality as most people do in their world's, because it's good for me? I'd rather have it the other way my mental state is deteriorating and I feel like I'm slowly losing my self with each day to come I've takin care of myself well enough with out my parents help yet it hurts to know that they are within reach of myself although they may not help with words it's feels great whenever I can hug them,Then the feelings of dread anger anxiety weakness and others come to mind once I've finished I feel like it's never enough yet I'm glad to be able to do it whenever I go visit them in there far off place. My mind goes blank I start on a new slate. I've lost all ambition to move from my bed...",3.945291171262333,5.392288335593221,4.294825870646765,87.79740197318493,71.85875706214689,7.453073614975968,26.090311156083985,7.964452647313387,1.3786220591955471,3527,114,724,48,67,1105,345,885,0.166,0.711,0.123,-0.9936,5,1,3,0,0,0,38.0,3,4,15,8,59,51,8,2,34,0,63,13,5,5,13,163,131,48,1,16,37,4,13,8,0,14,4,7,2,6,66,33,0,5,35,1,1,19,22,25,2,3,8,21,89,26,99,97,28,120,0,9,1,4,48,42,2,23,63,488,155,3,0.04235422894463522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386620781952035,0.04673894484502646,0.033870661584863335,0.07048422281695171,0.0,0.0,0.05760465614149745,0.0,0.06480173842804672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770336306368696,0.0,0.02581874484690941,0.0,0.07208065859104112,0.047718712195027775,0.0,0.07491774724324554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318295917044334,0.0,0.13441547475924384,0.1459376717442972,0.04440760322552288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194492137405593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327534638271105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911745899803502,0.0,0.07076304701457814,0.0,0.07502655088753553,0.17505296199546172,0.0,0.055949137531369784,0.0383118249057913,0.035685264608770716,0.040471280807205405,0.22839149975394174,0.0,0.03992779761915645,0.047660282739279546,0.2569868490791519,0.09077360886246748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831160434472505,0.13277001910343178,0.0,0.024070884362825246,0.07104943551195686,0.0,0.04669568693502358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045086864285251216,0.0,0.0418160324597251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194573436379931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813643123049233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376463847452602,0.0,0.0,0.0465535531383862,0.06904869906702323,0.0,0.08969402596897437,0.04601799367514752,0.043310068682695234,0.029916044466954693,0.16553709494086785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047383548396859036,0.04623464413454483,0.0,0.03822634524203553,0.0,0.028271776706521725,0.1288216211722857,0.0425505157701822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042683100955229536,0.044931143726958216,0.25659418440371884,0.0,0.0,0.13504752749474466,0.06227046322869832,0.06281024818792147,0.16333096208747022,0.1227179347219034,0.0,0.0397465747103857,0.0,0.2438401498334939,0.0,0.04444363852921104,0.09021174306707908,0.08610096500683627,0.032212299667046806,0.04506788579226628,0.0,0.04702935895795335,0.0,0.0,0.08808926836633438,0.0,0.044251154609036836,0.0,0.04003843644931543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542664072078968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104534849313906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34701929385844177,0.17673879161343367,0.0,0.0,0.03503585585952755,0.0,0.042384816662246964,0.0,0.03588660074012149,0.032606354681987845,0.0,0.0,0.05995708248606564,0.0,0.1014724258391208,0.07082006378909089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03991835953860815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255307088335437,0.10855551887565408,0.041612814893938026,0.10087358030627354,0.148182549007821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751148249760346,0.0,0.0,0.08818449206694899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024981621591778733,0.1008564465275068,0.0,0.0,0.0761630767192777,0.0,0.15287241537456742,0.0,0.09741054608278836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03008722904007439,0.046307700472709684,0.0,0.02727473480240245
suicidewatch,BoyGamerDK,2018/01/22,"Cant handle it anymore I cant do IT, im tired og being the Third wheel.. my life is a big mess, and i dont know what to do. I Hope someone sees This, and can help me.. even My Friends are turning against me.",-2.2206249999999983,-0.5121951458333331,0.5591666666666697,105.30250000000002,94.20833333333334,3.2,18.416666666666664,3.1291,-1.1157333333333337,155,5,43,0,6,53,36,48,0.11,0.713,0.177,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,4,13,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,7,2,2,12,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038809407549936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35911562159657895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023839491821268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23673515489089986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053832431214565,0.0,0.0,0.3043388296890315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33098034205403665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839744718717062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642968918817476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441727594368854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596240907712239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521784998906357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332910886287464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,necrolord22,2018/01/22,"I want to die so fucking bad I hate waking up every single day and I wish it would just end. I can't do it and don't want to do it anymore. I am a very obese man. My friends keep me around only so they can laugh at me and my stupid fat and make jokes that reminds them they are not as fat as me and even at the lowest point of their lives they would be better off than being me. People on the street, at work, people I engage socially, doesn't matter if I talk to them I can always see that glimmer of disgust like they wish I was not talking to them or I was very far off away. I am the last one to be invited anywhere, the last person anyone speaks to in a group. I want to lose weight but I can't help but feeling the hopelessness of it as the clock is ticking and I am already 22 years old. Even if I lose weight I'll still have a blanket of skin hanging on me. I feel trapped in my own body, I hate it, I am drowning in my own fat. I was fat ever since I was a little kid. I blame my parents for not forcing me to eat healthier, I blame myself for eating like a fucking retard and drinking sodas instead of water, I blame my parents for dying when I was a teen and needed them most, I blame myself for being a lazy fucking slug and ordering out every day and going to work with an Uber instead of walking to the fucking bus station and cooking my own food. I want to get out of this ugly fucking body that isn't mine, I want to breath normally and be able to walk faster without my legs hurting and I want to move and jump and be free of all this fucking fat. I hate it so fucking much I want it all to end.",3.3701253918495304,3.415097977011495,4.752654127481716,89.16230407523511,72.10344827586206,7.0169278996865225,26.73772204806688,6.11248444174946,0.8510643678160918,1248,38,284,6,22,418,165,348,0.192,0.7140000000000001,0.094,-0.9929,3,1,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,9,5,12,25,12,0,15,0,29,28,11,1,3,51,56,27,3,15,10,2,5,2,1,2,6,1,0,3,12,19,15,1,2,3,1,6,9,17,0,1,5,7,56,9,48,43,8,39,0,4,1,7,21,19,7,4,15,203,68,2,0.08017236315101599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847219634924798,0.0,0.06670982861575088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950944128918709,0.056058380415482535,0.0,0.0,0.07137040073245225,0.0,0.0,0.07532457429319077,0.0,0.06694057442925233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090594006908843,0.0,0.17810684379053124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340908347656927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664125107340115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853839395057079,0.0,0.16407268511178386,0.0,0.0,0.14201783466738274,0.0,0.0,0.1059061794753622,0.07252049242450667,0.1350973475208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107511143826727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694473975749472,0.0,0.06194096889432939,0.5188264049700595,0.041886750754145365,0.0,0.04556380155155624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374608314280548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053737845059241146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582617291741743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712608800661963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070235286169213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833633394620268,0.0803537699128379,0.0707936654881302,0.0,0.0,0.17938473413941847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351567495190573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521053416026432,0.05893591166633135,0.05944679141615353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785518936835297,0.0,0.0,0.08412740868389057,0.0,0.054326868148195095,0.06097469488139376,0.0,0.0,0.1780438430393906,0.0,0.0,0.11116284393395247,0.07000341511126243,0.0,0.0,0.07578879717558835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388699348051105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631940727686142,0.0,0.0,0.08172562788869746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402575277526476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887901725129142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230119185738773,0.33101415886540997,0.0,0.0,0.195256679515106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438852199379474,0.07728329712012863,0.0,0.11673287044435267,0.0,0.0,0.11390429305001785,0.0,0.0,0.051628373315076935
suicidewatch,Bassboy98,2018/01/22,"I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde I'm not suicidal, though I am afraid of becoming so.
During my childhood I had temper tantrums which was so severe that I could be expelled from school. The tantrums went away when I got to high school, but now at age 19, they are slowly coming back. I no longer get them in public, but in private. I get anxious that my loved ones won't interact with me anymore because I get so mad so easily. I switch between caring and mean in seconds, and I'm scared..
If this is the wrong subreddit, feel free to remove this; but I'm questioning my life as it is. I'm never truly free from myself.",3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857147,4.5731746031746034,87.2107142857143,71.85714285714286,7.504761904761906,25.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.3100857142857143,486,15,101,6,9,157,88,126,0.193,0.626,0.182,0.5183,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,8,12,4,2,2,0,9,3,0,0,1,16,24,14,1,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,4,7,0,2,4,2,16,7,13,17,0,15,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,7,66,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093157201401373,0.1837497804095242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407837058587142,0.14247028411816928,0.0,0.11294607878080835,0.20462921520730387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889071656028685,0.0,0.0,0.15960388341546566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793245810340194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873681122883869,0.13236537043906424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904063138294015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818679862500966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957604172973365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087003009673012,0.0905193391332474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672240779638885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182622105176032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290076315220154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555175751091088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755804403389247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549942619056184,0.3750301905568556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093157201401373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266824047640628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820384490869054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175810496923336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025765859944514,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,btooom17,2018/01/22,"I will finally be at peace in the near future I’m on borrowed time, at 21 I haven’t accomplished anything and feel like a complete failure everyday I wake up and it’s a never ending cycle of misery and constant reminders of my uselessness, I met this girl online dating site and when to the movies with her for a date when I got home she told me she doesn’t think we are compatible and this made me realise I’m an anxious mess, I liked this girl a lot she was a beautiful Asian and I love Asian girls although I’m white but after getting rejected it proved that I shouldn’t exist in a world full of normal people I’ve got a few years left before the end.",4.2382761437908485,4.8527000661764745,5.313627450980395,83.88104575163399,70.39705882352942,8.103267973856209,27.61111111111111,8.167268648758528,1.6960630718954248,523,17,107,7,9,173,94,136,0.109,0.79,0.101,-0.2732,1,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,11,0,7,2,1,1,2,17,19,10,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,6,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,6,2,16,3,14,10,3,25,0,2,1,1,11,11,0,1,16,68,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378055214972851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173223883244893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912032580851656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070565151910604,0.22747613742263095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728817272747536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643532082748157,0.15038151900090893,0.0,0.2305928854987141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997776446678904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367127791686221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114905197078496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287092871032997,0.0,0.0,0.20567971324618906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895990201943404,0.18998481834274653,0.19918055648588512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235087589703198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624568643803248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593446432959178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488014877639085,0.0,0.0,0.12274446884107836,0.0,0.0,0.20114214120056886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555534812370384
suicidewatch,nos_lumen,2018/01/22,"Living for others Just posted this in r/offmychest but I'm lonely as fuck and things being done with have crossed my mind. If anything were to happen to my son, I already know I'd be through with life. So tired and really could use any support, my dignity aside, or to even just anybody to care to read what I never talk about to my family.

No friends. Severe heart-pounding-in-my-ears anxiety in when I talk to people. I have no sense of self-worth and assume others will value me as little as I value myself. I shut myself in my house to avoid people. I admit to probably being addicted to sex and having sex with strangers I meet on craigslist. I'm particularly obsessed with rape fantasies and being raped. Maybe it's because I've convinced myself I'm so unattractive and being raped would make me feel desirable. I've slept with 30+ random people (not even an accurate number; just what I haven't repressed or forgotten) since the age of 12; made me feel better about myself but never managed a relationship when I was younger. Guys don't stick around, either because they sense I take no pride in myself, I'm too people-pleasing, or I'm just to easy to fuck with no endearing traits. Eventually closed myself off to sex, men, or even friends. Went to college. 4.00 GPA but no-one to ever talk to. Buried myself in assignments.

Attempted suicide by downing xanax with my head in a drawstring trash bag tied up to the visor in my car; hoping I'd just fall asleep and tighten the drawstring and I'd suffocate. Hospitalized for a month; fucked up school; I couldn't handle fucking up my GPA so bad so I withdrew from all my classes to save my transcript. Haven't gone back.

Turned 21. My first relationship was with an agoraphobic schizophrenic man twice my age I met online who talked to the tv and just got done with 12-year prison sentence. There was good in him that I at least saw though; he was witty and sweet to me in the beginning. He was obsessed with webcam models and a chat lounge on one of his favorite webcam sites. I decided to become a webcam model too to make money for me and him. Talked about prostituting with him as well. Slept with one skinny guy in a truck that lasted only 40 or so seconds. He ended up telling me he didn't have any money anyways but finally gave me $5. It was awful and degrading. My boyfriend encouraged it but after it was done, never let me live it down. Was convinced I was still talking to more men. Convinced I was talking offline to men in my webcam shows. Said I was soulless and lived for dick.

Stayed with him for 2 years. Felt like I couldn't do better anyways.

Got pregnant. Baby came way too early; 26 weeks, six months pregnant. Was left in city by myself at a Ronald Mcdonald House after my boyfriend split. Took the bus everyday to NICU where my son was admitted. I'm the reason my boyfriend could never come back to see his baby. I told a social worker what was going on. That combined with him calling the hospital, convinced I was being sex trafficked and went off on our son's nurse. Our relationship was over; I can deal with abusive behavior but it's different when you're suddenly responsible for a completely helpless little guy. Went to court and filed a restraining order.

It didn't matter. Father's forgotten about us anyways.

Now I'm at home with my mom. Work online to help with rent; another way to avoid leaving my house. My son's one now; he's so perfect. Makes me want to be a different person.

I'm still a shut-in but my life has been wholesome. No more sleeping with strangers. No more anybody else for awhile except my family (thank whatever god for them).

Then I fuck up again and now I'm 5 months pregnant. I posted about it on r/advice the other day. Realized I was more just venting and lonely. I have to live the life I've created.

The father of this baby was a childhood friend. One of the few men I've been around that didn't end up just becoming a one-time sexual experience. He was an actual friend and our relationship when we were kids was as non-sexual as a family relationship; he treated me like a baby sister. I mean, I thought he was perfect; I was as in love with him as a 12 year could be. The feelings however were not mutual.

He was so perfect and fun. I never felt like I had to put on a show for him to get his acceptance. I felt like he genuinely wanted to be with me every time he was around. He was so different and outgoing compared to me and he challenged my comfortable shyness. I remember one day he stopped at a red light, got out of his car to dance to music on his radio and refused to move his car for traffic until I did the same. I was so hopelessly obsessed with him; pretty sure it was love if I could have managed it. But he had a longterm girlfriend and was faithful to her. It stayed like that for years.

One weekend we did end up having sex; I was 17 by then. It was weird and uncomfortable; I ended up starting my period during it and bled all over his sheets. I was mortified but he was sweet and understanding and held me all night after.

He told his girlfriend the next day. Of course he did; he was never going to leave her for me. I felt guilty and rejected; she was sweet and pretty and I fucked her boyfriend. I avoided him after this and I'm sure he avoided me to save his relationship.

5 years past and he finds me on social media. He wants to meet up. He's just gotten out of prison for drugs. Says he clean now and ready to start a new life.

My life was so quiet and I should have ignored him like I do everybody else but I'm fucking worthless and I missed him and had always wondered what became of him. I thought I knew him and I knew him to be the good guy no matter what he had done. We hangout and it's like our friendship never ended. The second night we drink and have sex; I keep telling him we shouldn't during and try to have him stop but he replies it's already happening. I feel really easy and cheap and I'm convinced I'm never going to see him again if this how things unfold but I can't help but want it. He's not wearing a condom and I remind him he's not; he says he going to cum in me and I don't stop him as much as I know I should.

Surprisingly he sticks around for a few months. He says he loves me and always has. I believe him.

He's sweet and perfect like I remember.

Not for long though. He relapses and becomes cold and different; nothing like the guy I knew. He doesn't tell me at first but I figure it out and I don't want him around my son and end things. He ends up going back to prison for failing a drug test.

I find out I'm pregnant. I wasn't going to tell him, thinking the baby would be better off without a drug addict father. He's sent me a letter from jail apologizing and professing his love. Months past and I finally wrote a letter back last night telling him the news. I sent it out this morning so he hasn't got it yet. I kinda hope I don't hear from him and he opts out of parenthood. He'll be released right before the baby's born in May if I don't go into labor early again.

I can't shake this sense of impending doom. Not for me but for my kids. I love my son and I'll love this baby. The landscape of my life has completely changed since my son's arrived. Other than the few months I spent with my friend from childhood, it's just been me and him and I can honestly say I never been happier. But what the fuck did I do?

I do everything I can to provide a normal environment for my son now but I wonder when he'll be big enough notice how pathetic I am. And how am I going to shield the new baby to be from it's father if he never gets clean? People will tell you all day it's useless to put yourself down but I fully believe I am a terrible human being for having children and I plan on going through with sterilization after this baby is born.

I'm so tired. I'm only existing for my son at the moment. Applied for an online degree earlier this year. Figuring out some hurdles with my GED transcript before I can move forward. Going to try to be someone useful to my son and the baby but I can't help but feel I've already set them up for disaster. I hate myself but at least I'm good enough at faking it; at least I hope so.

Anyways, hope things turn out in the end but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited for it to be over. I don't have anyone to talk to so this is my attempt at anonymous uncensored venting cause I'm sinking holding it in. And I'm going to work myself to death to avoid it, but I pray to a god I don't even believe exists that I don't leave two fucked-up little humans.",2.421545580921652,4.285855515168862,3.930385633256268,87.08885583077486,76.84773898111047,6.758612538005785,23.822690474951486,7.6629843972109315,1.1390239103769733,6743,218,1376,97,154,2235,564,1747,0.13699999999999998,0.693,0.17,0.9961,7,10,4,0,0,2,178.0,10,1,3,18,74,100,12,10,62,1,135,48,8,11,21,274,264,132,2,28,53,16,9,9,7,10,15,8,4,16,57,107,2,15,34,11,5,32,47,38,1,13,94,27,213,62,227,135,20,218,3,10,4,25,193,81,9,22,108,911,270,18,0.0,0.03767699604465148,0.031031550619636163,0.06933190825473341,0.0,0.03107392888111498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052740258527352,0.0,0.05291916565970794,0.0,0.0,0.04324925805082819,0.03334436116532274,0.02432639386417494,0.0,0.0,0.02223482492294555,0.0,0.02616813206856889,0.14154068965291214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978068613341622,0.026551105145106068,0.03876914240021182,0.10535955655899544,0.05411776083204208,0.10748083761700804,0.0,0.08437174701167184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032470662569046516,0.036369952293180366,0.032421527523284185,0.032666662646649115,0.033639465645551425,0.02739229971750201,0.06668196704800268,0.0,0.0,0.10155668254679913,0.0,0.0,0.08203172655015734,0.03278370410266461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289409106321445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016698529296244,0.0,0.031151228884557063,0.11063135176724104,0.0,0.05312850532913222,0.0,0.2253180820680976,0.06571439908700004,0.0,0.08401260762226245,0.028764306789344208,0.026792299807949012,0.0,0.028579179679534363,0.031105838181169056,0.08993271056372892,0.0,0.0803934619176179,0.0,0.12212934153343474,0.06966920460121526,0.05812800740849396,0.054096973146893004,0.0,0.0,0.12284038432036595,0.2351836821217992,0.03322766596918149,0.0,0.1987951590993826,0.0800152863496223,0.10173128912025066,0.0,0.0,0.1574316385463861,0.05624006986368808,0.0,0.0,0.03139524648962596,0.03263527790343395,0.0,0.035840146368853944,0.037682349015937255,0.0639432445839231,0.0,0.03189731216401141,0.1263356051021322,0.0,0.11007644245459454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028264697987765725,0.0,0.0,0.03495215088029285,0.05184138234743113,0.0,0.10101266984098907,0.03455005578974535,0.03251696064387419,0.13476480691073595,0.13981987989491915,0.09561382219760772,0.11231753369367108,0.028141398809436072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722007747761064,0.030089286823370844,0.0636788819639311,0.0,0.031946692507287405,0.03463878334031139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032108249688355094,0.03724298094441165,0.15229148994828015,0.06759529242913609,0.02337616013631995,0.0,0.2452559706166629,0.061423965604623876,0.033818939108468414,0.08952452708320115,0.03115658337743793,0.030512306555558363,0.0362037382256278,0.0,0.0,0.15083630227166048,0.048369633777124686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060712100968260664,0.08818258231825435,0.027765940925708825,0.0,0.03490610578575497,0.0,0.0,0.060909919593243,0.06470268393684217,0.03428504687233404,0.0,0.0,0.06393420216044253,0.0,0.0,0.03180792678949064,0.0,0.04074291916716995,0.032694998611366204,0.0,0.20484342398599992,0.07204486457194828,0.027156446762498013,0.060496873324403816,0.10115238696633666,0.0,0.03218261098354274,0.05067988423369437,0.0,0.033173627437793424,0.03592418191190342,0.0,0.05260945460305417,0.0,0.031822286531140616,0.06483080725325813,0.02694346186468199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045015446773001684,0.06778769124457487,0.050789958360075216,0.07975696981334891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034783296418278424,0.03608549313280282,0.05994096825819965,0.0,0.023909132249623388,0.20447272030230146,0.16676405131018016,0.029276542809756063,0.0,0.0,0.08450422471215202,0.02037572117938809,0.062485343724594536,0.050490218411750235,0.01854244005590594,0.07309728425568728,0.0,0.06077122873466581,0.03533021617027883,0.04317930379299165,0.06917706064665627,0.031063316426218908,0.033104215083901926,0.03825066834694132,0.05492880764512297,0.0,0.0,0.09378031839102068,0.05048164244736466,0.02550749755486829,0.0,0.028591408920885162,0.08843486868010965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03065341110817125,0.06897001527013627,0.046300569475000684,0.0,0.0,0.04517865116987129,0.0,0.0,0.12286632255970376
suicidewatch,dswaa_throwaway,2018/01/22,"Maybe I'm the one that's supposed to go? Throwaway for reasons. . .plus I've been drinking. 

Maybe I'm supposed to be the reason why none of my family or friends give a shit about mental health or suicide. 

Maybe with how shitty my life has been, it is a sign of how I'm the one that's going to put a gun to my head. To wake up those close to me, telling them mental health is a big problem in our family. 

I can't take not being happy anymore. I've tried working out (multiple times), tried seeing a shrink (several actually), tried writing, everything short of developing a drug habit or just offing myself. I'd rather just do the latter and do everyone a favor. I can't motivate myself to do a whole lot else, anyways, and death has been something I've wanted since I knew what success suicide was. 

I'm not who I want to be and tired of busting my ass to become that person. 30 years old sounds like a nice round age to kill yourself, right? 

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suicidewatch,The_Golden_Yeti,2018/01/22,"I don’t want to carry on I’ve lost so much, my closest friends have blocked me and ignored me for the last 5 months proving that people won’t miss me if I’m not here. I’ve tried contacting them but they don’t want anything to do with me. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t want to be here anymore. 

Oh and it’s my fault they’re ignoring me, indisputably. I’m a cunt. 

Blade/rope/train, you decide. ",-0.2138461538461556,1.7534731648351638,1.7040549450549491,99.05344505494509,86.58241758241758,4.958681318681318,20.089010989010987,6.2581,-0.1290843956043961,322,10,79,3,10,106,63,91,0.23,0.701,0.069,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,1,4,7,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,14,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,12,1,8,11,1,6,0,2,0,0,5,3,1,1,3,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113130201653221,0.0,0.0,0.2583200631847529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780298811737149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425250358422825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25587743764978865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426683610740817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505588808227797,0.0,0.2307589684891601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217624725530246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312336040746005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554543452037745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,janedoewick,2018/01/22,"""Boyfriend"" told me that maybe suicide is the answer for me. I am very stressed over making money right now. I am partially disabled so any work I do is home and computer based. 
I used to make plenty of money with web marketing work; but stress and economy and pure bad luck happened.


I live with by boyfriend [ for several years, in our 30s) and used to give him enough to cover his mortgage (he would then pay for our utilities/cable/internet/food)

He makes a lot. [attorney] but has always made it clear that I must do my very best to bring in money.

Anyway, I've had many things fall through and he has kept getting angry at me and making me feel like a loser.  No, not just ""making me"" feel like one, telling me I'm pathetic, he doesn't believe in me, that his life is on hold while I'm living with him and that I  won't be successful. 

This just stresses me out more and doesn't help me come up with new ways to make more money.


Recently, I've landed some good contract work but won't be paid until it's done. So I will be making steady income again but not until March.
In the meantime I am trying to get stuff done.  
But he has told me I better get him money this month or I will be in big trouble. 

Anyway, tonight was the final straw. He started stressing me out again and finally I shared the level of my stress.

I shared that I idly thought about hanging myself on the tree in the backyard.

He immediately said coldly and calmly that ""maybe that's my best answer"".   I have never said anything like that to him. No suicidal thoughts.

It was just a passing thought weeks ago and no real emotion attached. I was merely sharing it now to show the DEPTH of stress I have been under with him yelling at me to make money.

I am leaving him. I just can't believe anyone I loved SO SO SO much could say something so inexcusable. 

I have a bunch of rescue pets so I can't just move out over night. 
Plus I hate my area with a passion.

I only moved here for him.

Anyway, I didn't know anywhere else to share this pure evil on his part.

I have lost a good friend to suicide & I know how it gutted everyone around her. 

The funny thing is is that she had a creep boyfriend who was always making her feel less than perfect.

F-ck him and f-ck my now as of this post ex boyfriend.

 If you know any jerks in your life who ever encourage suicide, get out of their lives quickly.


TL;DR After I shared how stressed how I have been that I EVEN fantasized about suicide, my ""Boyfriend"" told me that maybe suicide is the answer for me.
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suicidewatch,PixelFie,2018/01/22,"I want to give up. I want this to be my last night but I just know that tomorrow I will wake up and hate my self even more. I'm shaking with anger and fear, I thought I was done but a month later it's the same fucking shit. I'm so done. I tried pills last time and I don't know what to do this time. This is so pathetic. ",-1.274729729729728,0.3881879459459476,0.9337162162162151,104.8435472972973,88.45945945945945,4.781081081081081,16.006756756756758,5.985473137389443,-0.9781297297297296,244,5,69,2,8,81,48,74,0.343,0.63,0.027000000000000003,-0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,2,2,0,8,4,2,0,0,13,18,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,0,10,0,6,12,2,11,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,8,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575449995031776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765475449198628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25155945765710114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667129510103185,0.0,0.2144525624617896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071246418080304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457179417832488,0.3644513269937709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843800032677795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978949773689956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332147021056409,0.0,0.22947410727030484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774762387415343,0.2607112919477248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177792193655468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26371489289733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,n3v3rgonnagiveyouup,2018/01/22,"I've tried traditional methods. Need something else to stay here. Car crash 2016, injured spine, lost all friends, no money, insurance company won't compensate, lawyer failed at trying, girlfriend wants me out, eat 1000 calories every 2 days, sleep 3-4 hours. 

Treated for spine and dumped with pills. Make worse. Used to love life very active. Can't get/keep an erection. Want to get into another accident but not make it out alive. 

 image of Police notifying my parents and brother only thing stopping my jump

I love you people. I love the world. I don't love me in it. Don't kill yourselves. Please don't.",2.4890476190476214,5.435975285714285,2.9148571428571444,87.46347619047621,86.32142857142858,5.486666666666667,24.43095238095239,7.03164865440522,1.3013730952380955,480,19,85,7,15,148,90,112,0.129,0.605,0.266,0.9759,1,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,1,10,2,0,2,0,5,11,3,3,1,16,17,3,1,3,2,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,8,6,11,15,1,12,0,2,0,4,9,6,0,0,3,36,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684125317016296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035795128872884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434309473247294,0.1341682037877494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532000263535726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240861086887988,0.0,0.16782313869085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581675047460154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275665148600875,0.17769005327060688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344288070972572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532368709390758,0.0,0.5798235429220785,0.0,0.21441549840672688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908953238121672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215037561370205,0.0,0.0,0.17833727864708793,0.0,0.0,0.1113460523847828,0.0,0.0,0.17630044306674292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072498173446972,0.0,0.0,0.12364464856487392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711878155965377,0.0,0.13427630877396587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067014775953887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808592561833584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871460174332972,0.0,0.13251923860345333,0.189462689247042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367428389638033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bubblebumblebeebub,2018/01/22,"I have nothing to stay alive for No, not even myself. I hate myself. I'm fucking useless and can't get a job. There is nothing that I want to do or want to be. I don't really need to be alive. My family? I lost faith in them. I came home from university and realised that all they want from me is money to pay off their debts. Everything that they want me to do has the end result of benefitting them. My boyfriend? I think I stayed with him because I'm afraid of feeling lonely. We are now more than 5700 miles apart anyway. My friends? They have other friends, they can do without me. All in all, I have nothing, no hopes and dreams, and no one to stay alive for. I want to die",0.4466755319148916,2.6514342482269515,1.9901374113475183,96.49031250000004,85.95035460992908,4.9434397163120565,19.450797872340427,6.322622252153567,-0.11857127659574472,523,15,120,5,16,169,82,141,0.199,0.655,0.147,-0.4684,2,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,7,1,4,11,2,1,2,0,15,1,0,1,3,23,31,5,1,7,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,1,3,1,7,6,0,1,2,1,27,5,20,27,4,11,1,3,0,1,11,5,1,2,2,86,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132392723481357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713448722939973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548107185730034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326888528965905,0.0,0.0,0.09894932916107686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464125146447395,0.0,0.14122930088348926,0.0,0.07574938429671513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314885628031503,0.1384986624877558,0.07827052034908161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479082088708763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027352346263906,0.14879699283018227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486651675321662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353735635510958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110836055185105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43124559757570174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015164022593554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597332195143404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790385703193998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959933990354722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418146207305546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441329945571166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kynister,2018/01/22,I want to kill myself. I have been waiting in the National Suicide chat for hours. I keep trying to access the councilors and no one is answering. I feel as if I'm losing my mind.  ,1.0166216216216206,3.248656000000004,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,83.5945945945946,5.8621621621621625,22.763513513513516,7.1686216300943375,0.9956540540540546,140,5,28,2,4,48,31,37,0.331,0.638,0.031,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,8,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,6,0,5,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790453058844816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34872049542587424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147433495361756,0.391762919370055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961511001986605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35754346496223066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994961099118226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873316186621675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041294749246636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885934492372832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymous91172,2018/01/22,"does anyone just lay in their bed and imagine to die? my name is Danny and im 19 years old, and i fear that at some point soon im going to kill myself. Every day its just so hard for me to get out of bed and face the day. if i could i would just sleep all day so i could avoid everyone and everything. i feel like no matter where i go and where i look i just see people happy and smiling, and in the town i live in, im overwhelmed by memories of my past, and usually the good memories are the ones that make me feel so alone.
i only have four friends, whom i feel i cant trust, because i cant trust anyone. im scared of people and what they might think of me, and whenever i do say something to someone i feel like i just said the dumbest thing in the world. i hate myself and feel like im un-loveable, and that if i wasnt then i wouldnt be so lonely and heart broken. im pretty sure no one will give a fuck when im gone and that no one will even notice this post.",0.8410129198966381,2.0691406697674424,2.844147286821705,95.94580749354007,79.51162790697674,5.89405684754522,18.92118863049096,6.42735559955562,-0.2467260981912145,744,15,185,6,18,251,117,215,0.21600000000000005,0.664,0.12,-0.9736,0,4,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,2,0,14,17,3,4,7,0,15,4,3,1,2,42,32,23,2,6,7,0,6,3,1,5,0,2,2,0,9,16,0,1,7,0,0,3,7,8,0,4,3,10,28,9,16,21,2,25,0,2,2,1,8,11,1,4,13,116,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401625963022288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694497494407006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533603061473975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495403680919125,0.0,0.0,0.1756284708944709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421085593686893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943843604789162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995650070639985,0.0,0.07648245128083371,0.08674008155874105,0.081583355410112,0.0,0.0,0.10214791154278836,0.22949463384951804,0.19455055731050333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013308880870192,0.08392068168309545,0.04742656214435445,0.08708033315261368,0.1031798564897783,0.07613835920300842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663243187090592,0.08131720650546198,0.08962222083600957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756965409530543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6863734122519974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042987420698596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304528078104047,0.0,0.08015661552280158,0.0,0.07622873443319877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059349169146161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629868374983576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334874814308084,0.09525383812672984,0.0,0.18453591233143354,0.0690390183998524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866556872263052,0.12586489596486586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581238779277224,0.0,0.08693803800350806,0.0923515321083132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863484881821103,0.07218848851674142,0.09088232223287923,0.0,0.07233648855466701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908412677041108,0.0,0.07691396498896863,0.06988357689794993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555503292728904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030734852830976,0.05816540997171299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997662049878377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448446030766435,0.0,0.0,0.05845658140950701
suicidewatch,Givenupinlife,2018/01/22,"Shit Fuck I don't know how to live my life. I just don't. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't and will not kill myself but I fucking wish I didn't exist at all. 
What do I do ? 
I can't go on like this anymore. I just can't.",-4.298596491228069,-3.039237350877194,-0.2849122807017537,108.38561403508771,106.71929824561407,2.533333333333333,9.842105263157894,3.1291,-2.3441368421052635,169,2,52,0,9,62,34,57,0.146,0.726,0.128,0.037000000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,11,4,1,1,1,9,16,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,1,0,11,1,5,14,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,1,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952894670176287,0.2081947628653568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505329038887585,0.0,0.0,0.1692190318193796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32941790495186146,0.0,0.1636364304503087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031068091465013,0.14546633660117916,0.0,0.2629200181923199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056376227309243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393213667259484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34239951571085075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckoff421,2018/01/22,"What's the point? I'm so scared all the fucking time. Life is mostly negative emotions for me why shouldn't I just call it quits? I hate everything about myself. I'm a worthless selfish asshole just like my father. I can see it in the way I act around others. My heart is full of anger and hate, I'm an example of everything that's wrong with humanity. I provide zero value to my friends and family and they're wrong for caring about me. ",2.4962078651685395,4.464477539325845,3.9959410112359572,86.22851825842697,76.97752808988764,7.146629213483148,24.608146067415728,8.07648339933343,1.4664483146067413,347,12,70,6,8,115,63,89,0.295,0.598,0.106,-0.9678,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,4,1,5,0,4,3,1,0,1,10,12,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,0,1,11,3,10,11,3,7,0,1,1,1,4,4,1,1,2,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465165346582506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033302510823847,0.0,0.2000298784651582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068855504319115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526477790921861,0.0,0.18495148684965168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157673942764985,0.1813754893181176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873961419734751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324873708842473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857555975411354,0.0958490502347306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854639823380428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086733600409104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642149390065927,0.0,0.1563388874354196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440059473344127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572734499039187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770319314347718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42900828824612336,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3458990,2018/01/22,"Don't know what to do please help me I'm 14 (yeah I know I'm just a kid) and I've never really been a terribly happy or motivated person but this year it just seems to get worse and worse. Usually it's just bad during the summers because I never end up keeping in contact with anyone and isolation makes me really miserable but in the middle of this summer I stopped taking care of myself and started sleeping til after noon everyday so my skin went to hell. I started just hating myself and started sort of fantasizing about cutting my wrists open or shooting myself in the head and ending it all.
     Although my mood improved when school started this year, around November I started thinking about it again and everything just got worse, and now even on the good days everything just feels blank. I stopped really sleeping or eating and passed out in one of my classes on a really bad day in December. I gave into temptation a few days ago and let myself hit my arms with my fists and a comb until it hurt enough. I can't stop thinking about killing and hurting myself and I worry what would happen to my friends and family if I killed myself. My grades are really plummeting and I can never focus on homework or notes. I want help, but my parents have no idea that I feel like this and we're not really close. My father collects firearms (I don't have access to them. I don't know where he keeps them but it's somewhere in the house) and I don't want to cause them to be taken away.
       My friend thinks I should see a therapist but I have no idea how to set that up. Please help me I have no idea how to fix this.
     ",4.611163184641448,5.551025565217396,5.399548277809149,82.41946357989839,69.74534161490682,8.463241106719368,27.67984189723321,8.710501217029153,1.9870757763975155,1280,42,250,21,22,417,168,322,0.212,0.659,0.13,-0.9905,1,1,0,2,0,1,20.0,0,0,3,1,18,18,5,1,11,1,17,7,6,5,4,72,49,34,2,5,17,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,15,24,1,5,13,0,0,2,12,11,0,1,5,4,42,6,36,39,3,52,1,3,1,0,15,19,1,7,31,174,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505334968948651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920205214620899,0.0,0.0,0.07537274809836478,0.0,0.0,0.07954866591124096,0.0,0.14138900727011555,0.051613016922668994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632498658050805,0.08697767903059977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381216975046733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663682029131223,0.0,0.0,0.14998198648186378,0.08748499920704529,0.0,0.055922621322953114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218883814440484,0.0,0.07981774894255203,0.0,0.08562168474282862,0.060487058764607776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082905511326598,0.0,0.0442356982845921,0.0,0.0,0.07101576275625324,0.06771698342880733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487190837604807,0.0901309921587187,0.0,0.08359242882564129,0.0868941145676072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025415371490674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769586386595176,0.18127835755894126,0.2867406539920812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051417134764486,0.1873458843867984,0.0,0.13959446945556206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657908512192783,0.0,0.04136466031352802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056516755490625466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959042647549656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057373439211265184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940141402748972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392910392903647,0.0,0.18588076156307265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254441310173405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568885162134457,0.06746968234660464,0.0770788510122687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945891619627967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996433338777888,0.0,0.0,0.21235949922145747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366003326394967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830643564222002,0.0,0.16275610605783175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325018344016343,0.0,0.09987912779009717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848837316067073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598478038436608,0.2588527289812199,0.06014593934791775,0.0,0.0,0.10904723349370847
suicidewatch,michiganfoxx,2018/01/22,"What’s the point of my life? This is my first time posting and visiting reddit because I want to die. I don’t see the point of living, I’m 16 with acne everywhere, am short, and have shitty grades and am too shy to even talk to any girl I like. The rest of my family has phds and my sibling had all As and is now in a great college but I can’t see myself even getting into a shitty state college. I try hard then look at my grades and realize I’d rather not live another 70 years. The only enjoyment I get is from the appreciation I get at my shitty job at a local restaurant from the friendly staff. I have friends but can’t talk to any of them same with my parents. I don’t know why to do or how to end it without disappointing my family. ",3.7300632911392455,3.8736322594936743,5.434025316455699,84.24483544303799,71.34177215189874,8.59848101265823,27.19240506329114,8.548686976883017,1.6767600000000005,579,18,129,9,10,199,95,158,0.104,0.738,0.158,0.8762,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,9,0,14,1,0,1,1,21,23,12,1,2,6,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,1,4,19,5,21,22,3,18,0,1,3,0,8,9,0,1,7,87,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876675484399544,0.1686650364246911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805254301717063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693669390109273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424651769857554,0.0,0.0,0.21247954720869855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30326974582591776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681875476707656,0.0,0.0,0.2485443076038256,0.0,0.2521121395854408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733746853541602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408982358031858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961860353554425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839884159299399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136129681900782,0.07858308575256827,0.0,0.2840666345000457,0.0,0.135073318037466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233351843837525,0.0,0.0,0.17860466376802486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041100979590565,0.0,0.15404964209515845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25635292509861624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585699471542833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379280988248488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092064533929608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487337747403228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514192279226776,0.0,0.0,0.15505346392653535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358199530426113
suicidewatch,DepressedAndDisabled,2018/01/22,"I'm back.. Things are actually kind of improving. There are times even, when I don't feel like I'd rather be dead. Part of that is from smoking, which I consider a medicine but possibly a temporary one, and part of it is being more introspective and treating myself like an actual human being. I don't believe it right now, but I said ""I love myself"" sincerely for the first time in my life I can remember. I get these bursts of confidence that don't last long but it's let me make some progress on the things that terrified me. Nothing is ok right now, but maybe it will be someday, and hopefully it happens soon. I'm just as lonely as I was, but I'm trying to appreciate what I have more, like my friends. I still haven't kissed anyone at 18, which feels like some terrible foreshadowing of my future. Dating as a disabled, 5'4"" suicidal smartass is fucking exhausting.",4.7861045364891535,6.035232260355032,5.682381656804732,79.40668885601579,69.59171597633136,9.657001972386588,30.651380670611445,9.928628108626363,3.0016268244575937,688,28,133,17,12,226,107,169,0.218,0.626,0.155,-0.8956,0,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,10,16,1,0,6,1,19,5,0,1,0,17,31,12,2,2,7,0,2,4,1,1,2,1,0,1,14,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,3,17,12,14,23,6,18,0,1,0,3,4,5,1,3,17,96,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.3014858611252461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080108019903699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877985962868864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740376715331451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202766558798612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562119301878244,0.2207104480455844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131394276210774,0.0,0.0,0.11934511266203665,0.14280738778613788,0.08070553426970653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659957006683418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342610155812586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085939495955706,0.0,0.12591574934905445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795865313109336,0.10910853375991432,0.3018699502841125,0.0,0.0,0.13670335004083153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941751172906128,0.0,0.10311162983607816,0.0,0.15518844383123384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482205824899874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467460092177416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345574472417111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414459562270998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749872919771309,0.2638374355715522,0.1469387734853601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233619818132231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896790305418374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524940300552696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801483778925516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487672487256558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catsllamas,2018/01/22,"I feel like I can't keep going Hey everyone. So I didn't know where else to post this, I've talked to some crisis chat lines, and I'm just struggling a lot. 

I've been on-and-off suicidal for about 6 years now. It started as a young teen, I was living with really abusive people and I even attempted suicide (I hadn't even turned 16 yet). I'm out of that situation now but the feelings haven't gone away. They've gotten worse. 


I feel hopeless and trapped. I am nonbinary and there is so much freaking hatred it terrifies me. It's scary because I'm just a person like any other, I just happen to have atypical gender dysphoria. But people oppose me having rights and they spew hatred everywhere and I just don't understand why. I'm confused and angry and hopeless. 


I've tried getting appointments with counselors but there aren't a lot of resources in my area. It feels like ""the universe"" is telling me to just end it all. 


So past trauma, and bigotry, and few resources just create this bubble of despair and I've been researching how to kill myself. 


I don't know what to do. 



",2.4392100578549183,4.732747509345799,3.7132576769025363,86.59073208722742,78.57943925233644,6.506097018246551,24.676457498887405,7.62386473244151,1.361885002225189,853,31,165,13,21,278,126,214,0.312,0.643,0.045,-0.997,0,1,0,0,0,4,27.0,0,0,1,1,19,11,1,2,6,0,16,0,0,1,1,38,35,19,3,0,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,14,0,2,7,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,7,4,17,3,17,28,6,17,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,4,11,104,27,1,0.0,0.1785108760425341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245592474640686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155273513519626,0.0,0.0,0.09184269315257698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585950347387315,0.0,0.13344259243270226,0.0,0.0,0.1990228224072644,0.0,0.0,0.14396483820989772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30471871585512605,0.21526718293345173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871513633913105,0.0,0.08562518664460772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332306870771012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391609014938874,0.16668615398819742,0.0,0.16560075717866646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208188184520184,0.0,0.13303808317701785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25617638538108706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075455218085016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382476667437893,0.20890134132069546,0.13155301534441588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442933918269956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651849877365852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286652761815423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935138947549394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663996181345417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750555443464867,0.0,0.3296014739559079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109711581274472,0.13168599772171558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229020564509493,0.1638779493387336,0.0,0.15684537133280016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594981495024486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353834605424682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702195494506448
suicidewatch,bongd0g,2018/01/22,"tfw ur a fundamentally bad person and everyone is better off with you dead i kind of feel like the guy from the music video from mgmt's song ""when you die"", because i feel like all i do is make a fool out of myself and when i die im sure people will celebrate it

all i am is a nuisance and burden in others life, and just by breathing i cause others pain and annoyance. i wish i could be a better person, but all i am is a leech that others are nice to out of pitty.

im sure all others do is laugh behind my back about how much of a joke i am. hell im 24 and still a virgin because i have no clue how others can find me attractive (plus the whole gay thing means i already have a limited dating pool lmao)

im trying college again after dropping out because i was too stupid for even community college but i know im just gonna fuck it up again and i just want to die with at least some dignity intact 
",1.3435627653123134,2.913378953608248,3.5801758641600965,89.72010006064282,79.05154639175255,6.214190418435416,20.174651303820497,7.048011613610866,0.3211913887204365,703,17,157,8,17,242,115,194,0.191,0.63,0.179,-0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,3,14,19,4,0,11,0,18,6,1,4,6,38,27,14,4,3,5,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,3,9,13,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,3,20,11,23,22,8,16,1,0,0,3,6,7,2,1,10,112,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801910499817612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892039613944918,0.09686288777852324,0.21215450745221526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052015290965741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191734679497692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262395567838436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36119789431759625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662302321901904,0.0,0.0,0.11085182098670386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731553677024308,0.16575407942361328,0.0,0.0,0.10603036347501957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724869305912232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486740799652473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265495494265463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080579403587613,0.06375565630570088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194077231404838,0.11335253078880247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743708298674466,0.0,0.0,0.1263680952314559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528015551904447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344203367055452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042621510886393,0.20258962519665727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264514621935864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186747124083532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707139863265748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876267362125661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842526822517563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295201977171842,0.1334049256808281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zhroezhroe,2018/01/22,"I'm trying to cry for help I'm in so much pain. I don't want to die but it's better than living like this. I'm done with the therapy and pills though. My problems aren't fucking emotional. I would be fucking giddy if I could be a normal person without all these fucking issues. My best friend is the only thing good in my life. She is my only light, without her there would be nothing but darkness. I just want them to help me. I just want them to be there for me. I've told  them how much pain I'm in, and they've known for the past couple years whenever I have my ups or downs.   

It's really bad right now. I'm close to the end, I just want help. They are the only one who really knows me, and who cares for me. Honestly, if it's at all possible for me to get to a point where I can tolerate living, then they are the only one who can help me get there. And they know this. 
I just want to scream ""Help me soon or else I'll kill myself!"". But I won't do something so manipulative or cruel. Plus I don't want to say something 
that pushes them away or makes them feel bad if/when I do kill myself. Long before we met her only sister shot herself to death and that made her upset 
for a long time, and I'm her best friend so I don't know how sad she'll be.    

I would have killed myself years ago without her, at least in theory. There are too many things going wrong in my life that I can't deal with on my own. 
I love my friend, and I envy the amazing life they have. It actually hurts, I love seeing them happy but it also stings when I just want one percent of what they have, I feel like someone starving to death watching someone else eat a buffet. I just want them to help me. They are so busy and they have a life of their own, and here I come with all the issues. I know I am her biggest burden. If they just be there for me and help me then I think that maybe 
I can get through this rough patch. But without her help I won't make it past March, and I've told her that. But she just tells me to hang in there, that I'll get through this. When we were last together she held me while I cried on her shoulder for hours.    

She sais she'll help me but I know her. She'll mean well but in the end I'll get hurt. I don't know how to cry for help after I've already cried and begged for help.
I just want my friend to be there for me because I'm already at my worst. If it doesn't get better by March then I'll be done. I won't burden anyone else and no one will ever hurt me again.",0.6468888888888884,2.278661022222224,2.3012592592592576,97.79966666666668,81.37037037037038,5.20888888888889,17.28148148148148,5.927762680638738,-0.6386474074074071,1912,35,469,12,50,626,196,540,0.202,0.608,0.19,-0.4721,0,0,2,0,0,3,54.0,2,0,16,4,36,40,7,1,14,0,46,14,1,7,4,88,94,45,6,19,29,1,3,2,4,10,7,2,0,1,24,21,1,1,11,0,0,4,15,22,1,4,8,8,96,18,56,67,12,49,0,4,2,5,64,20,3,8,27,317,120,0,0.0,0.0,0.05470196072221665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049689708483013864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371700226117505,0.04482746379679915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919522213081701,0.05743535685285514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052665870819832684,0.0,0.0936077947622758,0.034170836817101286,0.0,0.047698996155471365,0.0,0.11765331717766905,0.09915284925480117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057152191550837575,0.0,0.0,0.048286742792988745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475565633061142,0.06202420716255954,0.24629679275424676,0.0,0.05779063109459785,0.0,0.0,0.05817663010618398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147282229641361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573586437111894,0.1404812209048262,0.06305475295833347,0.09929684973182608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507052966665752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668656458769146,0.04004597169137824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323297725103354,0.15546687506398996,0.17571972161651636,0.0,0.03185756187926677,0.04701658971460143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059671989913581434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133001050243201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520325369424812,0.0,0.18002531756377696,0.0,0.0,0.11701449743958005,0.0,0.0,0.18605090417389708,0.0,0.18483941147957889,0.045692612910554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837427880477656,0.054771650325582205,0.0,0.09899584767510207,0.0992144872946124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118433046416137,0.053040951970025715,0.07483479728362716,0.05683135284969185,0.056315159373072236,0.06106073747239973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241430209446708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054922366627486986,0.053786644928088885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193829354028335,0.2131631963429823,0.11929374415608995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702239805018116,0.0,0.04894539201571232,0.0,0.0,0.052990448855425656,0.06319401377023373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363742422280837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182101826973128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787098467509812,0.0,0.0445774847558672,0.0,0.0,0.044668877020341134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499107606371088,0.08630833385939016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899486921371552,0.0,0.06410420753290047,0.0,0.07448140181142693,0.035918021413226885,0.055074122141580785,0.0,0.032686340430258407,0.0,0.0,0.10712662760658108,0.0,0.038057920615192635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29756621706855985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040051484869798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614152782685586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946039204111822,0.06128775374677371,0.0,0.07219564837011595
suicidewatch,NotTheAlbum136,2018/01/22,"I fucked up for the last time I had a great thing. I ruined it. Its irreversable. No matter how hard I beg, I cannot get it back. I let my pride, I let my anger get in the way of the best thing to ever come into my life. I am a rash and impulsive person. I have always been that. I always will be that. Ive been a notorious hothead my entire life. I do this everytime with everything. There is no reason to think this will ever change. I  will fuck up every good thing that happens to me. There is no hope. There are no escapes.",-1.0244642857142845,1.076906910714289,1.5739285714285711,96.24607142857144,95.96428571428572,4.585714285714286,14.142857142857142,6.322622252153567,-0.6296000000000004,402,8,93,5,16,137,70,112,0.241,0.608,0.151,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,6,0,17,5,1,2,2,11,25,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,1,18,5,10,16,1,11,0,1,0,2,1,4,2,1,5,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848602454896852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162190948636932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963610124087642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810789403512772,0.14745087389001973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096725880390017,0.14422111545754335,0.0,0.1538397674626322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31649441459067,0.1788622508883776,0.0,0.0,0.143572269317638,0.0,0.1887194653215526,0.0,0.0,0.15136822272242578,0.0,0.15333789688626318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001397808734806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952930585655202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500731455652944,0.2418099095188578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946215893142192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759949389717966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411603418581562,0.10968111202873987,0.0,0.0,0.0998126852616801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586961246469295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyCrazyLove,2018/01/22,"Starting from a blowup mattress Today was a very “down to earth” day for me. I spent it thinking about some of my goals throughout the year. How I plan on progressing, and overcoming some of my downfalls. So, I thought this post would be beneficial for a numerous amount of people. 

Last year was hard, I had completely no job, and of course without a job there’s no reliable sources of income; other then someone paying me to feed their chickens in exchange for rent. I honestly didn’t think I would’ve made it through the year if I didn’t fall into the hands of a family who cared for my well being. (God knows I don’t wanna feed chickens for the rest of my life.)  Anyways, these things only helped me.

Starting year 2018 I’m sleeping on a blowup mattress next to my best friend. Which may seem kinda depressing, but only if you’re pessimistic. I prefer to walk down a more positive road. Sleeping on this mattress motivates me to improve my life. I’m sick of waking up to back pain, and sleep is good, but I’m tired of feeling depressed, thinking about how I COULD be something. So, I finally got myself up, and continued to put in the effort to get a job. I’m excited to see what comes next. 

Shit, I might keep the blowup mattress. 







 ",3.571804979253109,5.434008120331953,4.189997925311204,86.4847479253112,73.60580912863071,7.14365145228216,28.232572614107884,7.908726449838941,1.7982662240663894,971,39,189,14,20,308,142,241,0.126,0.755,0.119,-0.5729,5,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,6,10,11,1,0,14,0,14,13,6,4,0,32,35,13,0,6,5,0,3,0,1,3,5,0,5,0,10,6,2,1,9,0,4,4,6,4,1,0,9,4,24,7,39,19,6,31,0,2,1,0,4,11,1,8,15,125,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041899223304807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340282333129275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989023286600275,0.0,0.0,0.10129285825623534,0.12329025138631634,0.0,0.0,0.0938855696334038,0.0,0.0,0.07583543674365402,0.0,0.20255916029510346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108528235754565,0.0,0.05945673511703189,0.0,0.0,0.1288134428155838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084928074990414,0.0,0.061435609531012486,0.0,0.0,0.09862841190323993,0.09404698724964664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533700781044184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881769787958214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500680131919891,0.10451886393097416,0.0,0.0,0.06462406043633408,0.09585105756145164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611374516583735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112659359259104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474377365152567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501153273597969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886407890615413,0.12512341502783006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152168587112611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126181429705766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820982801647315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370352951501218,0.10704897577118676,0.0,0.0,0.12070383195616492,0.0,0.0,0.35302297275850064,0.0,0.0996331192246606,0.09052606701419967,0.0,0.0,0.16646076876872692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812117405345087,0.22603962338805905,0.0,0.0933528507947811,0.0,0.13515172018025598,0.11146100428981387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970235720973612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057269948502662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335198791163242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670642755939806,0.0,0.0,0.3028948797984775
suicidewatch,heartbrokenrip,2018/01/22,"Feeling like a failure after being rejected from med schools I'm heartbroken because I didn't get into medicine. I feel really lost and it's a probably a stupid reason to be suicidal over, but my family is broke and this was my only ""real"" shot at getting into medicine. I really tried my hardest this year, and even if I had a second shot, I'm not sure I could push myself any further. I know this might sound naive, but it just hurts when you feel like you've dedicated all your efforts towards your dream and you still fail. What makes my pain worse is that I have a lot of friends who have been accepted, and I know, from what they told me, that they want to study medicine for all the wrong reasons. Some are just doing it because they got the marks for it, some for the prestige, and some for the job security and money. It really makes me question the way our world works. Not saying I am better than these people, but I just feel like if I had the opportunity to study medicine, I would have really made the most of the opportunity and would be there because I genuinely wanted to be. I actually would care about the people I treated.

The thing is, my marks weren't bad at all. I missed the cutoff by a mark - and that's what makes this whole thing feel so unfair. Had it been any other year, I would have gotten in. But this year the cutoff was slightly higher, and I just missed. Just my bad luck I guess.

I also have depression, anxiety and PTSD, and I guess these feelings of failure and disappointment are really worsening my mental health. I can't see my psychologist because of family problems right now, hence this post.

In terms of the suicide aspect, I have several plans, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to say what they are. I want to do it without causing any harm to others, and also would prefer to make it look like an accident. I'm also concerned about my family, and they are the only reason I feel obligated to stay here. I don't want them to go through the kind of pain I go through on a daily basis because of my mental illnesses, but does that mean I continue suffering?

I don't really know where I was going with this but it felt good to vent my feelings. I don't know how serious my suicidal thoughts are, but I hope I will be rational enough to get some professional help if it gets any worse.",6.49736956521739,5.969990519565222,7.0286086956521725,77.44334782608699,65.54347826086956,10.403478260869566,31.66086956521739,9.888512548439397,2.806132173913043,1829,61,364,35,25,602,210,460,0.219,0.6459999999999999,0.135,-0.9947,2,2,0,0,0,1,48.0,1,4,6,8,20,37,1,0,23,0,44,4,0,11,5,95,92,32,3,16,20,0,9,4,1,7,4,3,0,0,32,18,0,1,21,1,1,4,10,19,0,1,17,14,59,18,43,62,12,29,0,10,2,0,18,13,0,15,13,259,91,5,0.0,0.0,0.06790037349756818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693011518589876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926806534029225,0.0,0.05322876866427748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161933529022627,0.21207764328485032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153815520377435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094179260251529,0.07147817464277717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055554238657172815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059929443774855436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060890223299766726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189508988558356,0.0,0.045957157490919706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678245253596316,0.0,0.2814552792609515,0.1491246236341913,0.06680803681692976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375759708675146,0.0,0.14541142061603576,0.0,0.11863232990726598,0.05836068689411311,0.05564975315222505,0.0,0.15330117529418966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739606463266409,0.0,0.0,0.046638234347500335,0.0,0.0,0.06910897619669637,0.0,0.0,0.07448719168509445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690477497484367,0.0,0.0,0.07245721545667623,0.1529581378903757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597375542243745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058429960261274325,0.0,0.07595515912417973,0.05915471575577171,0.0,0.06583859887070935,0.18578166555954406,0.0,0.0,0.07579338703171973,0.07728807054357283,0.0,0.1402412319010619,0.07381374368279428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583796599996856,0.1480767723346355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647649176127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663873070317969,0.0,0.07501937355782731,0.06657898711658129,0.08133569246153853,0.0,0.07794590356509246,0.0,0.0,0.07919765852805663,0.26744968010862225,0.21462053035236955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059421229078821365,0.0,0.11066615618683733,0.0,0.07041901749269124,0.05544652135597521,0.0,0.0,0.07860597748761243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416338310744773,0.05556694837532225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832879161216296,0.0,0.13115729157157266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245217054101612,0.0,0.0,0.05523901673740839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648699543842418,0.0,0.04724048261149174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416114614502827,0.05522963417074228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776839633138649,0.0,0.06707296353738372,0.0,0.05065531527956097,0.0,0.1418166191226278,0.24713938131482374,0.07607517747609333,0.0,0.1344223705469216
suicidewatch,MegaManXLIV,2018/01/22,"I think it’s time to say goodbye After losing everything three years ago, I just can’t seem to get out of this. I’ve tried finding the person that I’m meant to be with but it’s a lost cause now. I lost all my friends. My will to live without someone by my side and fill me with their love isn’t there anymore nor is the passion for it. All I have ever wanted was to be loved and be there have a family but nah. I haven’t talked to anyone in so long, the only two friends I have are on the east coast. But everyone around where I lived ran as fast as they could when they saw my life was falling apart and wanted no part of it. So this is goodbye, planning on slitting my wrists and watching my blood drain from me",3.39764705882353,3.709549320261438,4.1051045751633986,92.88197058823528,72.13725490196079,6.904313725490197,25.10392156862745,6.2581,0.5343364705882356,558,15,131,3,10,178,98,153,0.106,0.775,0.12,0.8036,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,4,10,8,0,0,6,0,16,6,2,1,3,24,29,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,3,0,2,7,3,18,5,22,17,3,21,0,3,2,3,10,9,0,1,9,92,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860014686566198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625092684383136,0.11721573627389452,0.0,0.0,0.14923253237096365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220944743245825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384455869914094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163732614965467,0.0,0.16018440318484514,0.15066138815347888,0.0,0.1580333091650305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321724389855004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259031967054902,0.0,0.08758344949281198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840701932362012,0.0,0.0,0.2960532060404353,0.14835353067346596,0.0,0.18754300010638086,0.3659913266613104,0.0,0.30259799919369673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749554485210715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153460941734412,0.0,0.0,0.14637422242914913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331172558374185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526104914443822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203834440707247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347403259370104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074150648107359,0.0,0.0,0.0977505229296692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381456574156802,0.0,0.163757057616888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977533730316868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159615219829135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795277612192394
suicidewatch,fukingthrowaway1589,2018/01/22,Only my dog keeping me going. Throwaway for obvious reasons. The only thing that has kept me from going through with it is my dog. I love him more than I love myself.   At a certain point I’m not responsible for anyone but me. What’s the point? I don’t know what I’m expecting from this sub. Life keeps churning with me left in the shadows. Dead end job with no aspirations. Seems so easy to pull a trigger.,0.9356097560975628,3.3933401219512227,2.717756097560976,90.18273170731709,86.8048780487805,5.231219512195122,22.83414634146341,6.742157984588678,0.7459180487804877,318,12,65,4,10,105,60,82,0.116,0.7490000000000001,0.135,0.1608,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,2,2,15,14,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,11,3,12,13,1,9,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570804804255473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723473688851914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531165027747289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098265651257173,0.39586917976094416,0.0,0.0,0.12238304567990925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24195026340103684,0.0,0.15729053486757896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019677331202041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33872725717741203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210227118314927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289595007908637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027260373819962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479434617416307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MistyAvatarKorra,2018/01/22,"Giving my final shot at life I've been single my entire life. I have not even remotely manage to get a successful date despite trying for the last 10 years. I've hired a dating coach and paid for his 12 week program. This will be my final attempt in trying to turn my life around and get some sort of romance, sex, and love in my life. Otherwise, I will off myself. My life is not worth living to be the world most unattractive man. ",4.172758620689656,5.069837482758622,4.848908045977012,86.12439655172415,70.72413793103449,7.179310344827586,23.69540229885057,7.1686216300943375,0.8534229885057467,339,8,68,3,6,109,60,87,0.052000000000000005,0.802,0.146,0.8704,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,7,7,0,0,0,9,13,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,10,3,11,7,3,13,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,3,7,42,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177625060191265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744895810553394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227588115531005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162837592622004,0.18510582840934128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572890153972533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6814705044942724,0.0,0.0,0.17038814829559376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741548873938678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620157824350563,0.20988621955077585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478172047053398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426059405194315
suicidewatch,AwesomeFork24,2018/01/22,been a fun while goodbye seems begging is my last worthless resort so bye i guess,-0.0012499999999988633,1.0567613750000011,0.7199999999999989,97.025,122.75,1.6,22.75,3.1291,-0.22682499999999986,66,3,12,0,4,20,16,16,0.159,0.659,0.181,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6695833386592146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954552255914228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5533373943844134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anerdyartistguy,2018/01/22,"I think my lust for life is finally gone and now I’m just waiting for courage to face my fear of death. I don’t really know why I’m making this post. I’ve been feeling altruistically suicidal for at least 4 years. I recognize that the people around me and life in general is better off without me, I’m in general a negative impact on the people I know. But it was always a fleeting thought, though logic and altruism dictated I should kill myself, personally I had too great of a lust for life and a fear of death to ever act on it. I didn’t truly want death instead I just wanted to live a life. A full life. But years and time have beaten that lust down. No longer do I feel like I’m getting towards having a real life that I just need to follow a path a little longer to reach a breakthrough. I see more and more that life is what you make of it and when you are a general failure to the point where you can make nothing even when given all of the pieces, I’ll never attain it. It’s a foolish dream to hope for more. Now all that’s keeping me from doing right by those around me is my fear of death, but every day facing more and more failure is breaking down that fear by instilling a fear of continuing living in a life spiraling downward instead. I think soon either I’ll have an episode where fear has left me or perhaps inducing the loss of fear through alcohol. Then I can finally do the right thing for once in my life. My only regret will be that I took action to late and will only be able to lessen the negative impact instead had I done this earlier I could have made it a net positive. ",5.3523106546854935,5.144236682926831,6.324338896020542,80.4677727856226,67.84146341463415,9.466238767650834,30.068035943517327,9.134995656068208,2.3189914634146342,1264,42,260,21,19,422,164,328,0.194,0.7440000000000001,0.062,-0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,3,0,4,19,16,2,7,23,0,29,15,2,5,4,50,56,17,6,7,9,0,2,1,0,3,10,0,0,1,18,11,1,2,9,1,0,5,7,11,0,0,11,3,30,5,41,39,11,45,0,2,1,3,4,22,0,2,17,187,48,1,0.07818928774621894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356056971989351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505975101810124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921008637156396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915207102645883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062427783945106535,0.0,0.0,0.05042562215792554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800147881052564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051643287135642216,0.07072668718765819,0.06587784720251784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6158928064130865,0.07906970641943853,0.05585844278885722,0.0,0.17130508572758302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04085067570355783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620396577264054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765960508069776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949823152960173,0.08650486218443007,0.0,0.08594157543758639,0.0,0.08820092226338942,0.0,0.08495288991503519,0.0,0.4970466564039566,0.038199336499325325,0.07836620738462956,0.13808514714813752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398459460335888,0.15657587016111246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797636613095373,0.0603043989265756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502473036924903,0.0,0.0,0.08326903962742614,0.0,0.1189329533504909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841321434753903,0.06827187015857776,0.0,0.0,0.07391414993143815,0.0,0.0748837241454503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899652726875212,0.050090059881366084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354644903252189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062306739132525976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855263901594361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194548847485203,0.10020107688542554,0.0768205782219627,0.062073560642304175,0.045592802466416116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687117564304853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223613545462298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055367062523032,0.0,0.0,0.07537168319611512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070267554413743
suicidewatch,BurnerBenson,2018/01/22,"I've accepted the fact I'm going to die alone. The silence is too much, I'm losing my mind and I've finally decided I'm going to do it one of these days. Nobody cares about me so I guess it's time. ",-1.0617391304347803,0.6679058695652174,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,88.13043478260867,6.288695652173913,17.895652173913042,7.554174236665415,0.3517182608695655,154,4,38,3,5,57,34,46,0.179,0.7140000000000001,0.107,-0.5267,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,9,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,4,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133958084966708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30851443685719065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514789905310134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140444799827697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33147660005217194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439419380473802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333410675878205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385249420321818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055333701954309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244118125405704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504531758387173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644481580017046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ren_the_mistake,2018/01/22,"I'm constantly depressed and I don't Know why. I'm just an 18-year-old high school student. I also just want to die. But I have no idea why I want to so bad. I just got accepted into college, I have an amazing and loving boyfriend, my grades are good, I have a good family, and things are going alright. 

But I still want to die. 

I know I can't, but I've made plans. I even tried to once when I was in my sophomore year. I have a counslor and psychiatrist that are trying to help, but nothing seems to be working. 

Three days ago, I thought that if I got my boyfriend to hate me, then it would have been easier to kill myself. Of course, it didn't work, and now my dad is considering hospitalization. I feel tension in my chest every time I think about it. The way he cried and begged me to know what was wrong and how he could help. I'm crying right now while writing this.

I know I'll leave so many things behind if I go through with it. I never imagined that I would make it this far. I just don't know what to do. And I think a relapse is just around the corner for me. I kinda hope that I don't make it through this one.",1.1369480519480533,2.883694558823528,2.561023682200154,95.96967150496565,80.30252100840336,5.5037433155080215,20.902215431627198,6.351523495107088,-0.019519327731092773,867,24,206,7,22,281,126,238,0.159,0.7190000000000001,0.122,-0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,0,3,16,13,2,1,7,1,23,2,1,4,1,49,49,21,3,9,11,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,17,11,0,0,13,0,0,2,7,6,0,2,8,1,34,7,21,37,0,23,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,5,12,136,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432631347335884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411775965397763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477028644279172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826739216288004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718257870335553,0.0,0.09396699587499936,0.0,0.2585569244901709,0.07590120824206324,0.0,0.1013674191583176,0.0,0.2442901572407561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773405113199901,0.0,0.09916006952571102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094896538755017,0.0,0.0595083014918968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337734548492857,0.19742790315183986,0.18825710697502995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619587892803822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777211174085573,0.12434741205888168,0.0,0.11689410273939445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285925046515826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020808227309974,0.0,0.3234005419660441,0.0,0.0,0.12461818552605665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062210717356553,0.11136243602720852,0.15711982940684402,0.1193205940127182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907708530893964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292805996972713,0.0,0.12349731282219427,0.1253374861114038,0.07975072970044411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050780143336688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191099668756395,0.0,0.1071418185349654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939884936771795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637785590894296,0.15082377722461704,0.0,0.09343381501337324,0.06862679420205826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980945259930698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825228797353024,0.0934179449083278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123963420657912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136146285056594,0.0,0.0,0.16720916917155185,0.12867705616847527,0.0,0.15157878911380296
suicidewatch,squaredzero,2018/01/22,"I want to kill myself and make my parents feel guilty I hate my life so much. I will never be happy in my life. 

I'm 19 years old and live with my parents, but my parents hate me. Ever since I was a kid, my dad always said I'm the most evil person in the world and that everyone hates me. He says I have no friends because everyone hates me. He calls me a POS regularly and says I'm the reason our extended family never talks to him. My mom told me it's my fault she's still with him and it's my fault that he treats me badly. 

I hate our house. It only has 1 bedroom. There is rats in the ceiling that I hear almost every night. My mattress is so broken that I have bed sores all over my body. I have to beg my parents to take me to a doctor because they believe all of the pain I have is made up. Everyone tells me to move out when I tell them, but I can't. I don't make enough money. The city I live in is very expensive. I am going to college for free, but I'm really stupid.

I have no friends because I cut off my best friend. She told me that I need to be thankful for what I have because so many people would kill to have my life. She told me to stop thinking about or having dreams and just focus on being happy with what I have. But I don't have anything. How can I be happy when I don't have anything?

I'm very ugly. I have tried to improve my appearance and it has worked a little bit, but I have never had a boyfriend. I think I'm going to die alone because I have a medical problem that might be affecting my appearance. I don't think anything will make me look or feel pretty. 

I wanted to leave America and go live with my grandma in Europe, but I think my European family hates me. I wanted to have kids, but I think I'm infertile. I want to have a good job, but I'm too stupid to do anything good. I want to at least be able to do basic things, but everything feels too hard. I don't feel like I'm allowed to have dreams. I feel like the world is against me.

One day I'm going to take my dad's handgun and kill myself. I'm going to write a suicide note and blame it all on them. I hope they feel guilt for the rest of their lives. I wanted to outlive my dad so I could dance on his grave, but he won't die because the world is against me. ",1.6083718735252504,2.7736677198364035,3.4648261758691232,92.55386031146769,77.32310838445807,6.405977662419381,22.149913481201825,6.900799576094004,0.4057047978606265,1741,47,409,17,39,587,200,489,0.256,0.6409999999999999,0.103,-0.9982,7,1,0,1,0,4,45.0,2,0,5,2,14,35,13,1,17,0,49,8,1,8,7,72,105,29,7,11,13,8,7,2,3,5,7,4,3,3,14,15,0,1,12,3,3,9,12,20,0,1,7,12,88,16,47,86,10,38,0,1,1,0,43,17,0,8,14,265,102,4,0.061881504347766486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196538783950493,0.06409057601903312,0.0,0.0,0.05149036884129853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036928217293229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166847133822162,0.2263343441222444,0.0,0.0,0.06971926463415072,0.0649408210275554,0.0,0.06755857557865062,0.06873640114380894,0.0,0.0,0.06318793470602796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049407345877854586,0.0,0.0,0.039908450975183564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844646336683374,0.0,0.0,0.06333834184379453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394013596004601,0.0,0.0,0.05597536346553862,0.05213783634039102,0.17739128783370156,0.055615105965338064,0.0,0.11667274997244552,0.0,0.18773488757637585,0.08841631814110719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434284902661275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175843424903315,0.1038065397976372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762203618028534,0.05543367312943347,0.3665710450560217,0.0,0.0,0.06974495281067894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146229653664315,0.0,0.07140294764750993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140784459239624,0.0,0.20538814815950074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552357812041823,0.0,0.0,0.13112620972298356,0.06046435453759725,0.062021524210961125,0.2185700082431729,0.0,0.05196487839700322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855377564603648,0.12391915400967116,0.0627381327224693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233910536593184,0.0,0.06564649705993679,0.0,0.07247486998976968,0.0,0.06577024591605891,0.04549002587275547,0.045884351376174366,0.14318049308019656,0.0,0.0,0.0580715998623108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493422922350929,0.0,0.04193250885196675,0.04706367254385823,0.06584628359648181,0.0,0.2748483495835555,0.0,0.0,0.0429008435067053,0.054032542715577794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295573672406897,0.0,0.059212242381102974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03964287625165802,0.06362449281949924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886348135663441,0.09842131199812226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051189019862293884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941864930772418,0.05173570850507514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768832198187981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930543800425661,0.04973800916501108,0.10817432467531964,0.05697217516111254,0.0,0.0,0.0411113218135032,0.1982558466020875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739128783370156,0.0,0.042013479443505856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211744368463056,0.21899588735283398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045050472170333734,0.0,0.0,0.04395884522155701,0.0,0.0,0.03984965993514633
suicidewatch,dawg_eat_dog_world,2018/01/22,"Lost Another Friend Today I learned a long time friend, who admittedly I've lost touch with recently, killed himself last night.

He's always been a bit troubled.  Life was not an easy shake for him, but he kept himself together, worked hard, surrounded himself in nature as much as possible and genuinely cared for those in his life.

His passing is heartbreaking to so many of us, including my brother in law who has continued to be his sounding board for many years.  I had to break the news to him today.  I could feel his emotion morph into anger when he told me he just talked to him yesterday.  He talks(ed) to him at least once a week.  But yesterday our friend was different.  Hyper and agro.  Complaining of how thinly stretched  he was.  How impossible it had become to live where he lives, where we all used to live together.

As my brother kept talking I fealt him twist and start to go agro.  My husband took the phone away.  And ultimately hung up and went to find his brother.  Another one of those stars who shines real bright that we all fear he'll burn out too soon too.

Suicide is such a painful plot twist in life.   It hurts and it's pain is viral.

Anyway, I'm sorry.  I'm just sad.   I'm sad for my friend who hopefully found the peace that evaded him in life.  Sad for my brother who just spoke to him and intuitively knew something was up but we all live 1000 miles away now.  Sad for my husband who mourns his friend and fears for the effect this will have on his own kin.   Sad for our friend's family and friends who hurt in this loss.

And angry.   Angry that too many people feel this hopeless.",2.8507931404072906,5.185928189710612,3.3263118971061125,89.6787497320472,77.39228295819936,6.8476312968917465,23.87148981779207,7.908726449838941,1.2352841586280814,1261,42,255,21,30,392,169,311,0.248,0.655,0.098,-0.996,1,0,1,0,0,2,35.0,6,0,0,5,16,32,2,3,9,0,15,6,0,4,3,44,37,20,3,2,7,7,5,0,7,2,6,2,0,0,18,16,0,2,8,0,0,5,1,22,0,1,17,9,34,10,40,16,7,42,0,13,2,0,59,20,0,1,16,153,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742494412697489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713826305897133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767566852452048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985514178012344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741989817854273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909795259885782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124570883068898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323004138940597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037570528460353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412142592685226,0.200825048370892,0.0902383029620412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155782538141251,0.0,0.0,0.09783995450751837,0.4825912012188073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071346872760497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799357112798365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862902480009288,0.0,0.0,0.19105266847993296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987236745268752,0.0,0.0,0.07273723283356523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521131110366027,0.0,0.0,0.3151793501499169,0.07896886173852563,0.0,0.0,0.19481786743742047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140636622597675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559690832296892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373961850431882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950307920127883,0.06046694602040091,0.0,0.18990152437233584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186329078728488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059739201807197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101567287320456,0.0,0.0,0.08810734086853618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869632721263683,0.0,0.09988962574412713,0.06315994838044738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760699332202906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344505481225794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203278610936536,0.0,0.1691658960714845,0.08526645729527453,0.0991417297638902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733694371592392,0.07706911525192782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157775138849043,0.0,0.0,0.0827203718023496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496306907210912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746346455768552
suicidewatch,bestrival,2018/01/22,"need someone to talk me down i wanna kill myself and i cant tell my friends or they’ll call the cops. cant go to the hospital because i have essay due Tuesday. im a miserable piece of shit. i need someone to talk to or tell me the easiest way to kill yourself without your parents finding your body.
nineteen, female, bipolar disorder. ",1.456902985074624,4.010272507462692,3.350876865671644,85.95527052238809,85.11940298507463,5.738059701492538,30.76305970149253,7.1686216300943375,2.192762686567164,266,15,49,4,8,89,47,67,0.285,0.6779999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.962,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,1,4,0,4,3,2,0,0,8,7,3,2,3,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,9,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,10,1,1,2,2,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878461545374094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164451093590523,0.0,0.0,0.1989734581681796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332600584563064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780981620855363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054805869117913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074321232977853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048182718845135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.431166596346604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28897187767241034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636854742476544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002059925615984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302078465961939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31324156208000764,0.3406317925374838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546704960270335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783771966076096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LonelySoul94,2018/01/22,"""Grades doesn't define you"" Sure but it will define my entire life :)))) This sentence with the key word ""grades"". My whole life is involved around this simple word. If I knew how much I would suffer, I'll have killed myself way before my 20th anniversary. 
""Think about your family"" I thought and came to the conclusion that they would be better than me. Without me, my mom has more money, less problems, and can live freely without me complaining about my life. My brother is an engineer, he LITERALLY doesn't need a useless sister in his life. About my little sister, the fact that we always argue together shows me that I am the problem. 

I don't plan to kill myself today but one day. I sincerely don't see myself die by natural way.  ",5.037697841726619,6.4360404316546775,5.366251798561152,81.34664388489209,69.14388489208632,8.149928057553957,26.130215827338127,8.548686976883017,1.818072805755396,576,17,105,9,10,183,95,139,0.136,0.679,0.185,0.7978,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,2,1,3,5,11,3,0,6,0,14,4,0,1,2,25,20,6,3,6,5,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,1,1,6,8,0,1,3,1,25,3,12,13,4,8,0,2,1,0,13,3,0,1,2,74,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301208709771864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921155095135118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330680498646252,0.0,0.0,0.13830559710158707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788573123098428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085230533590923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229797982944666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742135458875893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34602308908522544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44182389835998,0.0,0.1567340636952289,0.13808659989283945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315062446131336,0.0,0.0,0.11495745555021372,0.11595395215934715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596728469538944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992695031915053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461478927911886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738650732188938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020213106530353,0.0,0.12414842739229935,0.0,0.0,0.14823016416034634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24825468057639236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459293174721127,0.0,0.301489904619106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221760440291332,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rachelway82,2018/01/22,"I don't have a reason My life is good. I have a family who loves me, a good job, a home to live in. I should be happy. I am so ungrateful. All I want is to die. I can't stand waking up in the morning. I just got kicked out of therapy for drinking. She said I was moving in circles, not progressing. She told my psychiatrist I lied to him about drinking, so I will probably lose him too. I know I am going to kill myself, I just can't figure out how. I'm scared to do it but I need to die. I can't keep doing this. People will tell me to get help, but I tried. My therapist gave up on me. The medicine doesn't help. No one can help. I don't even think I'm depressed, I just genuinely hate being alive. Being alive is torture. I'm not strong enough.",-1.1362868828513015,0.8766345766871169,1.6984925503943913,96.71004089979552,92.8036809815951,5.067952088810985,16.35086181711949,6.655083550727371,-0.2819947998831433,568,14,138,8,21,197,95,163,0.209,0.623,0.168,-0.8825,1,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,9,11,3,1,6,0,23,5,1,2,1,19,39,5,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,1,4,2,0,2,9,6,0,1,5,1,29,5,18,28,2,11,0,2,0,1,13,8,0,0,0,95,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380800607625676,0.0,0.32247026821693164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043797230251319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052441034501153,0.0,0.10261125786341084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645593187634742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116716520198743,0.0,0.08829246817144756,0.26061070000514425,0.12425248824117055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537948792624588,0.0,0.15338201369570098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123958150721848,0.0,0.1558348641350239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541669859743823,0.13808766544632362,0.17187853857426588,0.0,0.08537966546602442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973262818683516,0.0,0.0,0.13718230797266198,0.0,0.0,0.17380376955077873,0.0,0.0,0.14021497173596353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511897864150496,0.0,0.11519460098311632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527333351238148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770437853808608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750018289130944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973197491685762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777925466928454,0.0,0.15553858700876685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578810415594106,0.0,0.17766327268559798,0.18038043959102376,0.0,0.09954593431936848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484494386939298,0.0,0.10547661360034101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916330698954172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MayasDemise,2018/01/22,"I don't know what else to do. All I've ever wanted was help. I wanted to get rid of my disorder and have a decent future. I wanted to go to England and Ireland to explore my roots and see all of the sights there is to see. I wanted a decent job and a decent apartment where I could call all the shots and not listen to fighting all the time. 

For a lot of people, it's simple to get those things. I just don't believe that I'm stable enough to be cut out for that kind of life. I've tried so hard to get help. Talking to therapists, friends, trying every coping mechanism thrown my way but nothing is working. I wake up exhausted every day. I have multiple health issues that need to be taken care of and I just don't see why it's even worth it. 

I just don't see the point in trying to live life for another 30+ years when I've literally got nothing going for me now. I tried to hold on for my family and friends but they don't want to hold onto me. The worst of this is, that if I actually go through with it, I doubt I'll be remembered. I doubt they'll want to sit around for 3 hours to hold a funeral because there's really nothing good to say about me. 

Worst of all, I don't know how I'm going to do it. If I where to do it, I would want to make sure not to wake up because there's no way I'm going to live a life where I'm worse off than I am now. But every possible idea I could think of either involves making someone else's memories scrambled or a slim success rate. ",3.9176151315789487,3.573165781250001,5.5071710526315805,85.57651315789478,70.875,8.486842105263158,26.842105263157894,8.032893268588372,1.4072500000000003,1150,32,262,14,19,394,150,320,0.13699999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.087,-0.9423,1,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,0,2,2,18,14,2,2,12,0,23,7,2,4,7,56,56,16,1,13,12,0,1,0,2,2,5,2,0,0,14,10,0,3,6,0,1,6,9,7,0,0,3,8,28,7,49,46,10,31,0,0,5,0,12,13,0,6,9,167,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.08980695481300137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650035130850472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192525391764759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219995617851793,0.0,0.0,0.10368508323940312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397182119031236,0.0,0.09382962175952657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695521522968047,0.0,0.0,0.05935104282913886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547312029292784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375671476618022,0.0,0.0,0.09509047971381952,0.0,0.060784236573732976,0.08324543081077371,0.232615013765987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675667949269704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220263729766752,0.0,0.14424394382410527,0.0,0.26151079251732623,0.07718949544427835,0.07360393778799386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243983987570336,0.0,0.0,0.09782244309502804,0.0,0.0,0.12337009618228795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062995264878132,0.0,0.0,0.10388945376807544,0.0,0.09605428713412116,0.09132450710038237,0.0,0.0,0.09583396289604616,0.10115338009365868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950082526162404,0.0,0.0,0.16252645246081396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823970047889052,0.0,0.0,0.12286004321160067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823828129555849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649127047819697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380126860739271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699707986787186,0.10374878458078036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058956085460332375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425083129793053,0.0,0.0,0.07318509439683565,0.0,0.0,0.2933405506603005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797580893866694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673617206233572,0.0,0.0,0.0739693633818143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685267427449001,0.061139928062680635,0.058968418744814774,0.0,0.0,0.053662805853143536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499263947280973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799673076944692,0.14609655307678354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304179002326598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699815297058412,0.0,0.09378533614203607,0.06537470740436616,0.0,0.0,0.059263609980958684
suicidewatch,LucyCharm,2018/01/22,"Dont want him to think it was his fault. hi, I am really desperate to die tonight. Things have just gotten too bad and I live in fear. I am tired of it no matter what I do I will always be under this awful blanket of terror. My mother is an abuser, and I've come to terms with it. she told me today she feels absolutely no empathy, no remorse, nothing for ANYTHING. she said it while she was laughing and then told me to go fuck off . She just constantly spits in my face and invades my space and treats me like I am subhuman, she will never let me go and i am too stupidly dependent on her to ever hope of life outside. i don't even have my fucking drivers license and i am 19. the horrible terror she makes me feel on top of all the depression is just too much, even at college she threatens to ""show up and make a scene"" because she wants me gone but not for *too* long. she always says people to who commit suicide go to hell. i dont fucking care anymore i just want this nightmare of a life to end. if i go to hell so be it, as long as shes not there. 
to the point, a guy i was seeing since like december is abroad this term. i love him a lot, idk if he loves me back, or just thinks of us as Fwb or something honestly I dont care because I would do anything for him and I love him so much, he is really the only reason i made it this far, he gave me a lot of reason to believe in life. He is so level headed and he might not love me but i am hopelessly devoted to him. i already wrote him a note saying none of this was his fault but i am terrified he will think he played some part in it for some really dumb reason like he was teasing me today about some mundane thing but i love him so much and he had nothing to do with why i would commit suicide. i dont know whether to write it all out about the abuse so someone KNOWS why it happened or if that would just make me seem like a stupid brat like i am. i dont know. i just want him to know it wasnt his fault but i dont want to go outright and say it to him while i am alive because then he might realize i am planning on dying and that would just make everything so much worse. ",1.5274359267734567,2.8585815673913046,3.3680091533180807,92.47641876430208,77.8913043478261,6.407322654462242,22.757437070938217,7.0608816371341465,0.5580217391304352,1651,49,384,18,38,555,195,460,0.214,0.65,0.136,-0.9876,0,0,1,0,2,5,36.0,1,0,0,2,25,36,9,3,13,1,47,15,3,9,6,86,93,38,4,13,23,1,2,5,0,9,4,4,0,1,22,17,0,0,14,2,0,7,16,18,0,0,15,7,70,18,49,66,15,40,2,2,1,8,54,17,6,16,21,272,92,1,0.0,0.15218826977985933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087203302292955,0.0,0.10687789772836703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369227826601644,0.0,0.0,0.10570064391987782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938377047563818,0.05362379139764819,0.11744982327700985,0.0,0.0,0.07235769137945254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095991441412036,0.0,0.0,0.055322705323395206,0.0,0.06940259550695528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531545327318553,0.0,0.1333073377042903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516155316007966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688280094606949,0.0,0.0,0.08483779717054547,0.058093671752644765,0.0,0.0,0.05771978081800235,0.0,0.0,0.07226909258178968,0.06494648276288002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812027938159172,0.0,0.0,0.18249797006647672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359118611947805,0.05679247168955314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591165696997688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378825002827705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118183310719298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567269817671009,0.13608849526283576,0.1568813558220685,0.0,0.056710370097324235,0.11367123825151773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920074371355552,0.28982027849819275,0.060769660287298626,0.1714782649890918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626159137881466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884612568514347,0.0,0.04953298529571668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232480194594038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884473052006382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954759938742024,0.0,0.044524365118673866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607117982579853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342931413276408,0.1980968146938459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109108637151641,0.15321889056255014,0.0,0.0,0.0511776727437936,0.05846650043954189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312619576022076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441621245767637,0.049442251070096616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049978116260245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533424302716203,0.12345513485733865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381526119608738,0.12175239995255005,0.12273627311694575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725274895516261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940289690849446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159031179099697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544905203784189,0.18248962163496524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadpanda8795,2018/01/22,"hi I'm not really sure why I'm here, I'm 17 and a junior in high school and I hate myself.
 Everyday is a struggle and I'm plagued by thoughts of suicide and I just feel so sad and lonely everyday. I'm not sure why I feel this way, I have a girlfriend and a lot of friends and upper middle class. I feel like I don't have a right to feel the way I do. I cut myself almost daily because I dont know how to deal with this pain inside of me. I've talked about it with a few close friends and my girlfriend but I always feel like no one understands me and that im self centered and ungrateful.
 My parents yell at me constantly and always tell me my grades aren't good enough and that I'm going to amount to nothing. I want to join the military but my parents yell at me for not wanting to go straight into college and i feel my depressing feelings will get me kicked out of the military. 
 I cry myself to sleep more often than not and I always wake up wondering why I'm still alive. I always feel so weak and pathetic and I just don't know what to do anymore. Thank you random person on reddit for reading this even if you don't really care",3.1068619348565853,3.8664806487603336,4.5898638794360735,87.51014341273701,73.0909090909091,7.677588721438989,26.218765192027224,7.928766900206844,1.3704717549829852,895,29,196,12,17,300,125,242,0.213,0.715,0.07200000000000001,-0.9868,2,2,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,2,0,0,10,17,2,1,9,0,11,4,2,1,2,52,39,22,1,3,9,2,8,2,4,1,2,2,0,2,7,21,0,0,13,1,0,2,10,8,0,1,1,10,32,9,26,37,5,22,0,3,0,0,14,14,0,6,6,123,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656670754473016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35420800346755554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554247042846636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648741356488545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085047769577238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500485747045283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690006033902745,0.0,0.1097168694150197,0.09166149728447352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472631478166972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099628358152619,0.0,0.07029102226247418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43048309296177295,0.15205643418111892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644434364483296,0.0,0.05560133590594278,0.0,0.12096465777876428,0.08926209900031168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507013327620524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244115779415356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495450447419285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697398688989097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398526357291793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047655836723226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021152077087942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211460402730614,0.0,0.11324098648600828,0.0,0.2363390653269614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292397543581844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064512459908824,0.0,0.1363538887446144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908841878845154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770519754748352,0.0,0.0,0.11102182164092513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649930358359704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498910329863757,0.0,0.0,0.11125584794063424,0.0,0.11640888348055803,0.0,0.20060379286000815,0.0,0.0,0.08553833133867128,0.0930179090574024,0.09797949049083086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448753507032128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078952006378016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554143258961747,0.16894636905300298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880891152179171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541060362258465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sukmyballs859,2018/01/22,Women and life Just feeling like I need to end it all....people tell me that women aren't everything which is true. But I am a man I have needs and this loneliness is eating me alive inside. I really just want to end it all. Woman have so much power to reject and men can't Do a thing about it meanwhile we suffer we are the loner while women can step in a room and have almost any man they want. They rather date dead beats but reject the one who respects them. We are taught not to have feelings or emotion and when we do we get ridiculed for it. I am so done with being alone I am w8 years old still a virgin and never had a girlfriend I am ready to blow my brains out tonight. I really do mean it.,2.6415294840294834,3.6522954256756783,3.8491646191646174,91.42998771498772,74.47297297297297,6.462899262899263,20.21130221130221,6.574015621080383,0.07838378378378419,545,10,122,4,11,178,94,148,0.131,0.767,0.102,-0.7466,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,5,0,3,2,8,7,1,0,7,0,21,4,1,0,3,31,30,13,1,5,7,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,10,13,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,2,19,3,10,26,2,14,0,3,0,1,18,3,0,2,11,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835368980329526,0.20515650233514912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470471189157154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112856642984613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027099081223103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026905864366116,0.0,0.22281916077187625,0.3508893411914076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802618302976475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031563293597596,0.14151208887399067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349132847429876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399134174486826,0.09677441102418877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577282665277372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561539588001884,0.2937552952389561,0.1527754988202517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785707005297974,0.0,0.13422764132518336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732731936204606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537968712242509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819107693913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731351742435954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159898870511472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23367153730343154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275603584700483
suicidewatch,Nearingthe_end,2018/01/22,"Deformed freak I'm a 25 year old overweight virgin who, because of his own stupidity, now also has a horribe deformation on his face. I've already been depressed for as long as I can remember but I had no idea that a physical deformation could make it so much worse. No matter what I'm doing or where I am or what time of day it is, I'm always just moments away from bursting out in tears.

This is it.

This deformation was the final push. I dont have the thousands of dollars it cost to fix this with plastic surgery. I have never felt so hopeless for the future in my life as right know. 

I always hoped that I could compensate for my short height and lose the fat, but I can never get rid of this. I will be lonely and unloved forever.

By making some stupid, easily preventable, mistakes, I signed my own death sentence.

I think this is going to be my last year.",3.682690084481994,5.019452289017341,4.8104046242774565,84.27682525566921,72.35260115606937,7.404001778568253,27.758559359715427,7.882392219407189,1.6603351711871952,678,25,136,9,13,223,113,173,0.257,0.696,0.047,-0.9916,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,7,0,19,5,2,2,2,26,30,12,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,14,4,2,1,5,0,2,2,5,9,0,1,4,1,17,1,20,21,4,24,0,4,0,1,3,9,0,4,13,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914971355198105,0.14431931603948905,0.30032583813076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955459469658987,0.0,0.0,0.1100109482056662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881762724659641,0.0,0.0,0.11638622190262103,0.0,0.15543587794058086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115058646730836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327652656244216,0.19769266959261853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942865076094856,0.0,0.10256349906259406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924435322750693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037251654432093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917988952336276,0.1471046114319574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746910966768066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597075289879486,0.0,0.20189630128791936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092611638443956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266393749220526,0.0,0.2783743999505409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936965546927625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443381963655546,0.15411774794496244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563590363590362,0.0,0.0,0.10523170162184416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839111904884669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324295356309352
suicidewatch,chidear,2018/01/22,"Hello Hi everyone. My name is Keyla and I am 25 years old. I hope I’m in the right subreddit. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for the better part of 10 years. Today I wrote my first Suicide letter. I’m really scared. 

“Mom, I am so sorry. I tried so hard to be okay. I wanted to be happy so much for you. I am in constant pain. It became unbearable. Please don’t be mad at me. I love you so much. My whole heart was just shattered. I was so broken I didn’t feel like I could ever be fixed. You, Karla, and dad were my only reasons to keep trying. I failed you. I felt stuck. Please forgive me. I just wanted to be at peace. I hope I am now.”

My thoughts are terrifying me. I keep trying to forget that I wished my family was dead already so I could have an excuse to finally do it and not feel guilty. I am getting weaker every single day. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I keep going to sleep hoping that I won’t wake up.",-1.0694081317550186,1.0217902835820891,1.8484268313604413,94.15522388059703,96.4129353233831,4.563458569222852,14.891233487733743,6.311591054244273,-0.4365290444330081,721,16,161,9,29,251,116,201,0.221,0.613,0.166,-0.9244,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,4,0,3,11,15,1,2,3,1,26,5,3,2,1,32,47,11,2,8,3,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,9,4,38,9,17,30,6,18,0,2,0,1,14,7,0,3,11,111,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140173233039107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109170859226523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531176733550487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867729185768986,0.0,0.19014268583750008,0.0,0.0,0.07679323713112908,0.0,0.10255873967077754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077097520718912,0.10032544816338193,0.11378084005382487,0.0,0.0,0.11225289301439408,0.0,0.12041534551502495,0.0850668858269331,0.11433024610680607,0.130440354596389,0.0,0.10128475558552552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062211540324586936,0.0,0.0676728136351228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267570778944891,0.10666741258199143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110392090160329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548037017646111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175168066741237,0.0,0.0,0.0654402613152894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817381284572658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746943479614247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945867958225192,0.0,0.0,0.2626004962798464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494871489221225,0.0,0.0,0.09056156472146036,0.12670372181502454,0.0,0.0,0.1289461392474855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26141620776841895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762822089598675,0.12242847429668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168901928920293,0.0,0.0,0.11921440219878768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916054913930994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329421545532927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448257865986108,0.0,0.13024823649995862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945318958494748,0.0,0.0,0.11286875504172175,0.0,0.0,0.24253141959445265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404665152140821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294248817045892,0.1369298616493033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153360218711444
suicidewatch,boopadoopthrowaway,2018/01/22,"Do I tell my mom I just tried to kill myself? 48 hours ago I tried to overdose and woke up i my room 24 hours later sick as hell with my door still locked and no one had come to check on me. I’m leaving for school in two days as I’ve been home on break and I’m not sure if I should tell my mom what I did. We don’t have a great relationship and I attempted due to a suicidal episode that came from a fight we had. She forced me to go out with her today so I’ve been with her and my sister unsure of when/if I should say anything. I told her about my last attempt and nothing really came of it but I feel like I should tell her where I’m at I just don’t want her to try to admit me anywhere and delay me going back to school where I think I’ll be in a much better place mentally. But then again I might not be. Any advice?

Update: told her, she asked me why I keep failing, got really mad and told me to leave her room. definitely not the response I was expecting, kind of unsure of what to do next bc I still feel like shit",0.9768119638302792,2.2374500616740107,2.8448040806862984,95.94630651518663,79.22026431718062,6.1886389983770025,18.555297936471135,6.8360192770164,-0.20506519823788594,792,15,199,8,19,265,126,227,0.171,0.7440000000000001,0.085,-0.9519,0,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,2,0,0,4,10,12,5,0,5,0,17,2,1,0,1,38,37,15,2,6,8,3,2,2,0,4,1,1,4,0,4,17,0,2,4,0,1,5,6,6,0,2,13,3,41,6,29,18,1,34,1,1,0,0,25,12,2,2,18,124,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961794916542976,0.09943803604088236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628412532892634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231201441636662,0.0,0.10487024033647446,0.0,0.0,0.08625709670297194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921133468840464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566009336557314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663044957865692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234480764671275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344000245909225,0.16027837143382231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275054124098185,0.0,0.08971809874752099,0.1236754065755299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252255730795076,0.0,0.22094326161318106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970796544759153,0.12410709769010506,0.11681495861320927,0.0,0.09143912951219972,0.0,0.2375582383988638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960791490567236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304791108197745,0.11900194285753728,0.0,0.2627604129206013,0.0,0.0,0.08246291427484663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930138484270855,0.0,0.0,0.10763674209732542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601395726749732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117200964305859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437267639764836,0.0,0.0,0.12043598844161893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920755768331984,0.0,0.22705798344983574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514795562670267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916920306181924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270330002918213,0.0,0.10572538214579008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29414261339592346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187841540721811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633056604807883,0.32156944915030666,0.0,0.22848221476696184,0.0,0.10958051213756732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661648304173879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012221864941249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pisserdansunviolon,2018/01/23,"France suicide watch needs backup So. Here’s the thing. I’m an American and I’ve lived abroad in France for 2 years. I’ve got some issues I wouldn’t qualify as major, given the fact that I’ve read reddit threads for several years and know that my life has been a cake walk compared to some. That being said, I just walked home from a perfectly lovely dinner/game night with friends and plotted my worst self harm yet. The only thing that stopped me from using our chopping knife was that I don’t currently own any bandages. But that got me thinking to maybe if I don’t have bandages it’s not the end of the world, at least not everyone else’s, only mine, and i seriously considered it for a while. It took me a decent amount of time to realize I was contemplating whether or not a potential suicide was that big of a deal. Because where I live, I’m not near family and while they’d probably be devastated for a bit, I’ve lived across the ocean for 2 years so they’d adjust. And I haven’t found anyone where I live who seems to think I’m worth their time either, so here we are. But so to get to the real problem. It’s almost 1am here in France. I’ve called about 5 différent suicide hotlines and I’ve been hung up on by machines because it is « after hours » . France needs to get their shit together. 5 suicide hotlines made me feel so sad and I sobbed and felt alone, but I had enough to keep me going. Others might not. This is a problem.

TL/DR: called 5 suicide hotlines in France and I got hung up on by an automatic
message because it was after hours. Fix it please.  ",3.473197916666667,4.7461980906250005,4.323125000000001,87.81604166666668,72.78125,7.333333333333335,26.145833333333336,7.793537801064563,1.3165208333333331,1239,41,261,16,24,399,171,320,0.135,0.8270000000000001,0.038,-0.9792,2,1,0,0,0,5,31.0,2,0,4,1,13,11,1,0,17,0,21,3,1,2,2,50,46,24,5,6,13,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,19,12,0,2,9,1,6,4,9,8,0,0,16,4,26,3,35,24,10,34,0,2,1,1,15,14,2,7,16,158,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498223879434604,0.09823978527616087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450374139395658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632388445064276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346573200236798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355562971440503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937123840397622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778995833357547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923806148004345,0.0,0.08401218860229984,0.09800918664513218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063673688660656,0.0,0.0,0.08941958878219773,0.0,0.04796086047260752,0.0,0.0910743885320366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400214216695217,0.07328370233424979,0.0,0.09911424470135208,0.0,0.05390752081740143,0.0,0.2275894105758243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951459547616585,0.0,0.1868234963484572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900257716782801,0.0,0.08431029117024184,0.0,0.0,0.05212909083654877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699794513438398,0.0,0.0,0.3350300779203692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560913138242245,0.08975282645090979,0.0,0.0,0.09529325055521302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006247435408462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406655738401425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901373424108927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428096522780887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412083453678178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226828837311652,0.18152428449112584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487932863476804,0.10796423106065556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022755182237324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863512095070741,0.09895305407700113,0.10715763665178052,0.0973659187905924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930190693151623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187725427236555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603311370390244,0.1215567904657218,0.0,0.0,0.11061986374642048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053859062535575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192310719539728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324794120406465
suicidewatch,Dickslangin69,2018/01/23,Fuck. I'm so alone. I just want to die. All of my greatest fears have been coming true and I can't do this anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please take away all this pain.,-1.7553846153846169,0.15140256410256825,-0.04474358974358772,106.96057692307691,100.28205128205127,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.7251230769230768,136,3,35,0,6,43,29,39,0.306,0.411,0.284,-0.4879,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,8,11,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,10,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26504418364902205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075852326863433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404346009082609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044264249059226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26559277619502386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879683783719429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365834234998138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739555029220798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723048467682471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28091085005000405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924114567641223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018831045648465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qu33nofsaigon,2018/01/23,"today is my birthday. I think it should be my last day. I am turning 28 and nothing is what I thought it would be for my late 20's. I'm an artist, and still working at Starbucks because I was always too shy to socialize/attend/network at art events. I'm still single because I am a disgusting looking woman (despite trying to fix that, I put a lot of my spare money into trying to have better clothes and makeup and anything). I am very awkward with guys because a lot of them made fun of me when I was a kid/teenager, so I wouldn't even know where to beign with dating. I have no reasons to stay alive. 

Thank you if you read this. I am praying things beyond our life exist so I can find happiness there.",3.685517241379313,4.461577034482762,4.794655172413794,86.51336206896553,71.75862068965517,6.627586206896553,28.98275862068965,6.2581,1.3023655172413786,550,21,112,3,10,181,98,145,0.068,0.805,0.127,0.847,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,1,2,10,6,1,1,5,0,16,1,0,2,0,19,25,8,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,21,4,15,16,3,16,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,9,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669520235936728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450793632632094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32241138643055395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592246963830725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369851145750308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164440739214966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611344340605933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456409817823518,0.0,0.18767396207945586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688952541788796,0.14370752031406295,0.19887337312604966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452546176947528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480470721723433,0.0,0.0,0.299766846791218,0.0,0.1668187305819209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916400433828704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772295652565769,0.0,0.0,0.17634708328627194,0.0,0.0,0.18126511926794686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879116754890293,0.2815858158976195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231277716949355,0.0,0.0,0.11712547042109775,0.11296552031258456,0.0,0.13996201026124094,0.0,0.0,0.16711119257015009,0.0,0.0,0.23939140493563346,0.1917630934592379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454654472558677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834804411250528,0.0,0.0,0.12523801713551266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Have_A_Throner,2018/01/23,"Been waiting for treatment for over a month Finally plucked up the courage to go and see the doctor. They told me what I already knew. I have depression, ocd and anxiety. My referral form was even marked as urgent. What makes older people say “there’s such good support these days”. Literally coulda killed myself so many times, don’t know what’s keeping me going at this point. The only times I feel happy is when I’m alone and I can be myself, the rest of the time I just want to die. Not looking for attention or replies, just need to get this off my chest as I have no one to talk to...",3.5264877589453865,4.9138213474576276,4.223333333333333,88.13569679849344,72.81355932203391,7.278342749529191,25.822975517890768,7.793537801064563,1.2894659133709985,461,15,96,6,9,147,89,118,0.14,0.7390000000000001,0.121,-0.5267,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,6,0,8,2,1,1,0,16,24,8,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,4,13,4,15,19,2,15,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,1,8,64,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907157329308492,0.21210849414290395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704010971353754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239595369054009,0.0,0.16555017538175545,0.0,0.19948361471095685,0.0,0.0,0.1967350606565765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695287997751928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718714188892844,0.0,0.0,0.21055663953760104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042178213739393,0.0,0.2184747238867175,0.16121661310619176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461109939215394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084506303507702,0.21265186620532556,0.0,0.1056335790840548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140797510390875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830165515820086,0.19487075264892825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534201734096104,0.0,0.0,0.14252126576729676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024645786937902,0.14618435221231396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325419964932134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170056023428496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285309199918276,0.0,0.0,0.15316646971185888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811760916723907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449110231126933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362375576997066,0.0,0.0,0.1836648742609433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133704270528455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,APerson09,2018/01/23,"What can I do to help an online friend who's in another country? I've got a friend who I chat with regularly who lately has been saying that she's going to have to kill herself when she fails her exams within the next couple of months. She's been telling me that her parents have slowly been taking away any de-stressors she has, like her phone and art supplies, and is refusing to let her have a life outside of school work. 

She's been saying that she has no time for anything but school, studying, and homework. She wakes up, goes to school, comes home to study and do homework, and goes to bed only to have to do it all over again the next day. She has been getting so much school work piled on her that she's often up until four in the morning trying to finish it. She is routinely only getting about three to four hours of sleep a day. She keeps messaging me saying how tired she is and that she just wants to end this. 

She has been messaging me less and less lately and her personality has completely changed over the last year. While we used to talk about a lot of things, nowadays all she talks about is how school is slowly wearing her down. All of her humor has become fatalistic at this point and she's constantly making jokes about how she'll be dead soon. I'm really worried for her but I don't know what to do to help. She doesn't live in the US so there's almost nothing that I can do for her. I try to encourage her as much as I can but in the end I mostly feel like I'm useless and that I'm going to lose her soon.    ",5.869434102755027,5.0848803291139255,6.110677587490696,84.35971332836934,66.9113924050633,8.954281459419212,28.398361876396127,7.928766900206844,1.5392820551005215,1208,31,261,12,17,387,151,316,0.095,0.831,0.07400000000000001,-0.8312,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,0,4,16,11,1,0,11,0,35,5,3,5,3,34,51,23,2,1,4,1,1,2,2,1,2,3,4,1,17,13,0,2,2,3,0,3,3,4,0,3,7,4,43,7,46,41,9,38,0,3,0,0,54,14,0,4,23,190,60,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046736166842338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822876358625955,0.1052061763561326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256415840947423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942646130463668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080810168764173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613727273661183,0.08642658051210755,0.10519551941996384,0.1084225540538513,0.0,0.0,0.1110147387040764,0.0,0.1294108507199281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772760558188666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050730548955191385,0.07167674182142236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503151579228572,0.0,0.10483798650465276,0.0,0.114041245170825,0.0,0.08024415201011853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449998803147306,0.0,0.10064053205804213,0.0,0.09880617689186916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917912046388808,0.11100178170967533,0.0,0.055139490172065694,0.08178344738332535,0.22635628269771335,0.0,0.0,0.10259561066722686,0.07086700492953657,0.09803366665130024,0.0,0.08859442679884863,0.0,0.0,0.11224512523800796,0.0,0.08529813223496224,0.0,0.0,0.06697196019483598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008353231300079,0.0,0.14751018402406807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340707380071347,0.0,0.0,0.0962706434410522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261303691521702,0.0,0.0,0.11140609905121893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760547137913081,0.0,0.0,0.09484556276678804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427483672445775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23936256739021214,0.0,0.5077034509595825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040381557323977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754366944235211,0.1612850892950515,0.08769402870955731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666556957248792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850402138228448,0.11531613606914573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623681159334444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206862695583239,0.08665407916338708,0.0,0.0,0.05917803412974455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608484635303534,0.10189136370750553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461010471583961
suicidewatch,TearsoGravy,2018/01/23,"Made a list of reasons to live The only thing on there was ""fear of pain""

There is literally nothing that makes life worth living

The only reason I have cut my neck with a large knife yet is I am too much of a pussy. I have 2 suicide attempts and every time I am left more determined to die",1.1807103825136631,3.1697287377049186,2.8831967213114744,92.4994398907104,81.29508196721311,5.3781420765027335,20.002732240437158,6.42735559955562,0.054702732240437424,227,6,50,2,6,75,47,61,0.254,0.6779999999999999,0.068,-0.9283,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,5,0,7,3,1,4,0,6,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,7,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303142203953601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869741651904236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497176825116253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24111285275531244,0.0,0.15674613881477753,0.0,0.0,0.3919125504185121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099826937329889,0.14813094161147813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313411159833785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129348016838476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375548930428575,0.23613472998698926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563341045809401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427405581826577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474314167118536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294012561406868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cinderguy23,2018/01/23,"When someone is feeling down or is going through depression, people always tell them to talk to someone about it, but (like me) not everyone wants to talk! My question is how do I even begin talking to someone? Who do I talk to? What do I begin telling them? Do I tell them about my suicidal thoughts now or later on? I really need help cause it seems like everything is getting worse and “talking is the only way out”. ",3.370158730158732,5.379446827160495,4.364832451499119,84.37888888888891,74.55555555555556,7.097707231040566,30.08994708994709,7.957251820313856,2.19344656084656,327,15,61,5,7,106,52,81,0.151,0.757,0.092,-0.8193,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,0,14,18,6,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,11,2,11,17,0,10,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,4,7,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496469877403694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427981929426815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293528241620394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991947820213926,0.0,0.0,0.14350676542766794,0.13497524140223946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593728757206243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846467753297527,0.0,0.08535274117831929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006648309542858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674413917379234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135915856106136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422131546134864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411832555504227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823988548742386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621139255369787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672141333409218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381749963803377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427636774280127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6035590220845998,0.39380098265951596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922891935659675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858211646061584,0.1192086678504972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304981192167286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jihasdniashj,2018/01/23,"schizophrenic and suicidal. I just need to vent, write something somewhere for someone or somebody to read it. I am 22 years old, schizophrenic with suicide thought. Life is too much for me, i am stressed all the time, im sleeping my time away, up to atleast 12 hours a day sometimes i sleep 16-18 hours without noticing it. i don´t have a job, dont have any real life friends, dont go to school, spend most of my time starring into my ceiling because I cant comprehent doing anything else, i just want to end everything but I also believe that it might get better, its just... how long to I have to endure and wait. I have cut my wrist once before, almost a year ago, with a kitchen knife, i stopped the bleeding myself, and no one knows that i´ve done it. Today i wanted to do that again, but this time cut deeper, but im afraid i cant do it, that the pain would be too much or that i would only pass out and not die, i want to die, i really do. i dont see this life worth living for me, i am only a burden, to my mother, father, brother, therapist and other people in my life, the only thing that keeps me going and makes me a little happy every day is my dog, which might sound stupid or childish, but she doesnt care that i am ill or who i am or whatever, she is always happy and that makes me happy. Crying and feeling helpless right now, cant keep my head or thoughts straight but that is nothing new, but tonight have been with even more pain and ""suicideness"" than other days, i hate my stupid brain. i want out, but im scared. ",5.637767336966733,4.890567811501601,5.991866190565684,84.89721856793838,67.370607028754,8.514865626761889,30.232850967863182,7.285733465282438,1.6394214997180976,1187,37,254,9,17,382,169,313,0.192,0.6970000000000001,0.111,-0.9848,1,0,1,0,0,3,48.0,0,0,0,1,10,18,5,3,10,0,32,16,5,3,1,59,52,24,5,7,18,3,1,0,1,4,10,1,1,0,22,15,1,4,5,1,2,3,10,12,0,1,4,3,39,6,25,43,5,33,0,1,1,0,8,9,0,10,21,168,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195917189740636,0.0,0.08128778431884719,0.0,0.0,0.06491781239129897,0.06754638585834769,0.0,0.0,0.05520364949012716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680236635860487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626916251171922,0.0,0.0,0.0494851991583041,0.0,0.06907628095380412,0.09145951867723763,0.0,0.07179511755520664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906212091769547,0.0,0.0,0.08276612002113261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891699397554391,0.15705878725906122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684993635112106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307301622208563,0.2854191334737839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781358844761974,0.0,0.07189938617939354,0.0,0.0,0.053617134176965967,0.0,0.06839575032219987,0.0,0.07295732175984314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041045906385560105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271772349282315,0.0,0.04241202064974143,0.0,0.0922703650912372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25924565331991634,0.0,0.08014621572618022,0.08331178492249583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988745127126147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630576804370898,0.0,0.08055638479405462,0.14430901716992975,0.0,0.0,0.04461316501323835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293529646392773,0.0,0.08136142545004116,0.07168143502408861,0.0718397487518629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837354868928106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223351552700011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193499642536206,0.060192268431163924,0.0,0.07840197081638378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789223455573697,0.09242139936324777,0.08518238655590378,0.08645164779624329,0.05500814009807151,0.18521799651638698,0.17275768572777558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056278426322483234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811997116542924,0.09239804451873128,0.05200454135573232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932534966090736,0.0,0.0,0.0812730831196492,0.08215621060248868,0.06468815169381874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247273879935067,0.0,0.0687816388933419,0.06249459316600416,0.08028686433162997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678682287188424,0.09298883125644547,0.0,0.0,0.2663858281216088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425361733043022,0.0539308858889806,0.0,0.0,0.12889212187670585,0.18934158090479872,0.0,0.07694700926169189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152294615352536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825244819245412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533268019013053,0.0,0.0,0.10455161098571963
suicidewatch,Cautionorwarning,2018/01/23,"Love, suicide and existentialism I'm not big on relationships I often avoid them just because of the heartache I seem to cause others.


A girl in a different country really makes me happy...

This situation just amplifies my desire to die.

I've never done anything to myself, I'm probably too afraid.

But I always go to bed and the same thought ""I want to die"" echoes in my mind.

I have a good job, family and friends but what's the point?

I just don't care, I just don't see the point in anything sometimes and it's growing in frequency.

Why?",2.6719626168224258,4.843529887850469,4.353093457943924,82.91094859813086,77.22429906542055,7.644485981308411,26.58785046728972,8.548686976883017,2.0351614953271038,426,17,84,9,10,143,71,107,0.125,0.764,0.111,-0.5271,2,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,2,7,0,4,1,0,2,1,22,14,6,3,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,12,5,11,12,1,11,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,2,1,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452571370436275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873142763060587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641692023083488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798686762739954,0.1793326041205936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362354474281426,0.182389640475335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178646841702304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645700935279706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487319625903374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921277724044944,0.14642195343254305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583417856102305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323487670100227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755723047183665,0.0,0.11652756260620616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626704302949686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346399917327385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300522254709202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882171682035284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118347146869153,0.0,0.0,0.1874240264340586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911056226447593,0.15892296999314495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622522691985134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265527839608955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095244574144601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858995098976706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296655580789968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752326196404698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ILovemycurlyhair,2018/01/23,"I chose the date.... I just need help making it until then. I decided I will do it after graduation. I just need to complete this last painful semester and then I will end it. I just need the strength to make it until then. 

I am already drained and so tired. 
I just wanted to rest. to be in peace. I want the nightmares to stop and the headaches and the dreadfulness that surrounds me. I can barely lift a finger. 

I am scared of people. I cant be out in crowds. Campus scares me. The grocery store scares me. Going out to throw the trash is unbearable. I dont want anyone to look at me. I just want to be ignored and left alone.

 My mom knows about my depression and calls me scared everyday. Scared that she is gonna get the call. I miss her. I haven't seen her in over a year. She is the only reason I have not  end it until now. I have been holding on for 2 years just for her. Now, I'm done. If she knew the pain I live in she would've let me go. 

I want everyone to forget me. EVERYONE. I just want to be alone. ",-0.7051111827263945,1.4560817663551442,1.3486786980341599,98.53658878504672,93.4859813084112,4.63396712858524,16.72510473735095,6.311591054244273,-0.4115531421205288,774,20,183,9,29,255,112,214,0.207,0.721,0.073,-0.9824,0,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,11,12,0,6,12,0,21,4,1,3,0,36,42,14,0,10,9,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,8,0,3,4,0,1,3,4,11,0,0,4,3,38,1,27,30,1,31,0,2,2,0,12,11,0,1,17,128,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22543763339079034,0.12010061544864875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609900360534183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222262606202016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410998891114738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373824481345384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137458825775844,0.1275522021356343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278858276453414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079903921261791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686107898642408,0.0,0.12370531837867085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294888711727851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598121160178107,0.08871393311696116,0.0,0.0,0.1182480558862114,0.11128975891864724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610208795344856,0.0,0.0913928375505755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529458435736792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746463041576336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420962696803732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277287876001974,0.2316133082835977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754515346199115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189909638710112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448072419021561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098978673335906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508824596981205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38515736348256185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731228714808924,0.0,0.0,0.14017057709918693
suicidewatch,DeXes,2018/01/23,"why Im talking to this girl and we went with someone to eat afterwards she told me they need to do something for her boss (they are sort of working together) so i said cool and went home after like 5 minutes she texts me that shes sorry for lying to me but she wanted to talk to him privatley but didnt want to offend me, i know it sounds simple but i got hurt from it and i cant let it go 15 minutes ago i was crying in bed and told her i needed some time , the thing is we are not dating or something but when she said she lied to me it fucking broke me . A year ago i was sort of seeing someone and she broke my trust so bad that i blocked her from my life and it sometimes still haunts me, i dont even know why im taking this so hard i just dont know what to do im afraid. I had some mental problems that my friends helped me cope with and this event just makes me wonder if its all worth it
Why live if i end up getting hurt so easily i dony think i can trust anyone from this point on
Not really looking for help since i dont think i can solve this
Thanks for listening",1.1687974683544304,2.5175478523206785,2.773272151898734,96.28573101265823,78.915611814346,5.7526582278481015,19.866877637130802,6.2581,-0.1787010970464138,839,19,204,6,20,276,128,237,0.184,0.69,0.127,-0.9358,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,2,1,9,15,2,1,2,1,17,3,0,2,1,41,43,19,0,7,11,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,2,1,17,11,1,1,6,0,1,3,7,9,0,0,11,8,43,6,24,31,3,18,0,4,2,1,26,4,1,8,12,130,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604188599660731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337488254500298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761859957132942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526914032555508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689586225831349,0.0,0.0,0.10737746889665267,0.0,0.0,0.09294365856435673,0.0,0.0,0.06931036378682558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107460978465694,0.09701321638460574,0.0548256191848238,0.0,0.059638515461390464,0.0,0.08392826811340225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400357089919993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067506197001667,0.0,0.10526107318795924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246759649646725,0.0,0.3400521830919859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301305324582006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730591206511184,0.07412060369670244,0.05126726155578745,0.0,0.09266191516098712,0.0,0.08812124210595168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700467322603587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575252399907127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556199556786646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992000491232526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041121056106192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722578025218856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963957395217505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362176374063053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680555312743128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782675209073867,0.16157234263021256,0.10378607248500417,0.11746916822770788,0.0,0.0,0.08380338595088918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890009373353117,0.1686899029768825,0.0,0.09661253899835184,0.0,0.0,0.06971594766653648,0.13447968702145935,0.0,0.0,0.06119001907659809,0.0,0.0,0.20054494631617265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378995329750593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455660582810927,0.2840698674749321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380046362206525,0.07639589829846227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757644084446437
suicidewatch,jphee11,2018/01/23,"Hello guys. Need some help with my younger brother, encouraged him to open up.. He's 20 living in London ""It's not money nor girls.. I  haven't feeling like myself lately. I'm always overthinking, stressed and tired and nothing has made me genuinely happy for some time now. I feel bad everytime I miss out a family gathering or any events. I'm also always sad and angry at myself for being me and I just wish for it all to stop.. I've been having unhealthy thoughts and habits and I can't seem to stop it.. it is driving me insane that I can't improve myself even though I want to. I feel lost and out of place with family, work and friends. I'm usually alone in my room when everyone else's gone to work or somewhere. I can't talk to mum or dad about this because I am afraid of what they'll think of me, what they'll say to me and what they'll do.. I think I'm depressed too. I've been having panic attacks at work where I would cough until I threw up, I'm constantly feeling sick and out of breath.. I find myself not caring about anything anymore and just look into the mirror with lifeless eyes and just wish I could end it.. I want to change this mindset and be positive once again but unfortunately I don't see myself being like that in the future.

Sorry I just dumped all of this on you bro. I appreciate your concern. It's just been hard for me lately 😪""

Ive messaged him and talked to him.. I want to make sure he wont let go and shit. I live in leeds and its hard to look after him :(",1.6760856507230244,3.604082125806457,3.2338042269187994,90.91725806451616,79.35483870967742,5.953281423804227,21.01223581757508,6.953978226594392,0.4149555061179089,1169,32,251,13,29,385,168,310,0.17600000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.09,-0.9745,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,3,4,15,18,3,3,3,0,25,6,3,2,3,61,55,25,0,8,11,4,6,2,1,5,3,1,1,2,15,24,0,2,9,0,1,4,9,11,0,0,8,11,44,7,40,37,4,36,0,4,4,0,26,17,1,6,17,163,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125927865400478,0.0,0.08693690107622377,0.18091408965009065,0.0,0.0,0.07392784873651972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781303510967433,0.0,0.0,0.08946066575333478,0.0,0.0,0.1236755286676006,0.0,0.0,0.09076993101930196,0.06626979107107638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083907056770267,0.0,0.1150028203905364,0.0,0.0,0.11747898913024515,0.0,0.08679764005059905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363343670863003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081487827961147,0.0,0.09628651356953208,0.0,0.0,0.07180321268124354,0.0,0.0,0.103878919729648,0.0,0.0,0.20496788839574084,0.0,0.2198720980624824,0.07766383338606808,0.0,0.0,0.09936074588840604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399057704156905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178350214462173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764191466241173,0.0,0.11572588419577005,0.19476909441224413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286732345430419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452636124159149,0.0,0.0,0.11116532658324586,0.0,0.1062223276275706,0.0,0.1919892737028276,0.0,0.1825813036598634,0.0,0.1186719271292779,0.0,0.0,0.10286586846200564,0.07256606572699413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060852781993902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431204072868214,0.0,0.0,0.11577467070264218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755004113262128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358084167076782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645209998974825,0.0,0.0,0.08662934312560171,0.0989672694435768,0.0,0.0,0.1115912466608886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169411916066347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177610332227867,0.12452916274207045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245971917726016,0.0,0.0,0.174757082762993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393164462129735,0.10680893146634708,0.08630513903917103,0.06339080786301482,0.1249483856382908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973084586739205,0.0,0.19236336080474173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25002673736862824,0.0,0.0,0.2374307665028505,0.0,0.0,0.07722584479671267,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IcarusOnTheSun,2018/01/23,"The best part of my day is... ...coming home excited and hopeful about turning on my phone waiting for the notifications.

The worst part of my day is realizing that there are none because i have no one and no one loves me, just to get my hopes up again the next day and repeat the whole thing over and over again.

That and waking up in the morning not being dead",9.017500000000002,5.995809083333337,8.52,76.72500000000005,62.33333333333334,11.266666666666667,35.111111111111114,8.841846274778883,2.660161111111112,282,8,60,3,3,90,49,72,0.046,0.691,0.263,0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,6,0,5,2,1,0,0,12,12,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,6,5,11,11,6,14,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,7,51,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843490713397548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211065673720298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181491116521792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076336177139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007703366188636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113396413734367,0.4185261964659373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015630427982694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407162164835406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28553852405474084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563143248490203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997333422152952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291706447420964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522829798269745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,definitelynotacheese,2018/01/23,"How can you tell if suicidal thoughts are active planning or just latent death wish? Because I can’t figure it out. I’m not upset, I just keep thinking about it. ",2.7433333333333323,4.944792500000002,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,77.125,5.516666666666668,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.087216666666667,128,5,24,1,3,41,28,32,0.215,0.59,0.195,-0.4245,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,8,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26027841671667057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795126941570075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670385135930519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731927038966791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735866784611924,0.0,0.33896839842960885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909971971191577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway20938742,2018/01/23,"Can I use money to help me get through suicidal periods? I've got no friends or family right now, and I am very stressed about having very little to do. I am at college right now and after rent/bills and food, I have about Є110 a week to spend on ''fun''. I live alone.

I have a XB1 and a gaming laptop (XB1 is mainly a nextflix thing, and laptop is mainly just for class work), and think I should just start playing games and buy stuff to make myself feel better. Is this a smart idea? I am currently in the process of seeking help, but am not sure if spending money is a healthy solution.",4.0163235294117685,4.691918394957988,4.589401260504204,88.65284138655458,70.93277310924371,7.6306722689075634,26.639705882352942,7.6454224807358475,1.2580663865546216,455,14,98,5,8,145,80,119,0.086,0.763,0.151,0.7698,2,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,7,0,14,1,0,2,1,20,21,10,1,2,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,3,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,10,6,13,19,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,7,65,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758711504422336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726582475311528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889494608681888,0.0,0.10134444647410162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423631818694447,0.0,0.15485327359543913,0.0,0.1047174526059028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030378806726736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26869070251659577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626334242103935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088552922001185,0.17698513675754005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378992293629938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34233568249231555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186680816995895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229594190062116,0.0,0.2294466983080627,0.21924008731377434,0.0,0.18890479724190407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315812122495768,0.12842873880414316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731089031836264,0.0,0.330754798082765,0.0,0.0,0.16077446840680998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591689028418772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twcatatonic,2018/01/23,"Suicidal thoughts, close to a breakdown Where do I even begin....
I lost my best friend in the world in September. It was a suicide. His cousin wouldn't tell me how he did it. I have a hard time admitting even to myself that I started planning my own death right then. I was distraught.

Just a month before I was told I was getting knocked down to part time at work. Which surprised a friend working there because I was always praised in manager meetings but I never heard any of that. So after a week of being a couple shifts a week, I was starting to feel the pinch and I had long since started feeling burnt out because of this. Played games with my friend and talked through shit, less than 48 hours before he died.

I ended up taking a work at home call centre gig. Which might have been fine, but things kept coming up. Flu, cold, other illness, worsening depression. Got on meds since losing him put me over the edge. They sorta work but not well enough. One particularly bad call ended up with me crying for an hour and having to quit. The man was just.... Evil and cruel. I've been leaning on my parents, which is something I hate doing. At this point (early December) I was barely eating, if at all.

They came to help clean my apartment. Words were said by my dad... Not exactly kind words. Honestly made me feel like hurting myself and I locked myself in the bathroom until they left. My cat seemed worried about me so there was that. My mom defended me and then days later said something stupid again about depression and dealing. Things have since gotten a lot more tense between us.

When my mom's around, she won't listen. This has been going on for years. I explain why I don't have answers for what she's asking, I explain why I can't discuss certain things (some medical, some about working and jobs in general, waiting on a referral to the psych hospital here and counselling, etc.) And she just keeps going, asking questions, until I snap and yell at her, at which point she gets mad at me for getting mad and asks why. Every time, she leaves and I want to hurt myself. I don't have a history of cutting, and I keep myself confined to bed if I get these ideas in my head. Probably not the most healthy, but I figure it's better than being around knives or stepping in front of a bus.

Yesterday... Something snapped in my head. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't even know what the word is to describe what it was I was feeling. I felt like if I opened my door, nothing would be there, it would just be space and emptiness. My heart is going crazy, my brain is trying to be logical, finally heard someone open a door from the hallway and it went away. I don't know if it was a delusion, or hallucination, I don't know. It scared me though.

Little later lying in bed, I felt completely helpless and hopeless. Even with my cat miraculously cuddling me, I just wanted to die. And here's what scared me the most: I kinda wanted to kill him too. He's a rescue and he'd have to go back to the same rescue, and I just felt guilty knowing he'd have to go back there, so I didn't want him to. I feel awful about the whole thing. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but I feel like everything would just be better if I were gone.

This entire last weekend has been a rollercoaster. I went from knowing exactly what I wanted to do, working on my own business, getting into shape, and feeling... Okay about everything, to wanting to kill myself. At this point, I'm not fantasizing so that's... An improvement I guess. I don't exactly feel like I have anywhere to turn because of dietary restrictions and an amazing lack of knowledge from our nurses, I have no money to get anything done, I can't get my parents to listen to me, I have no idea how to get anything done anymore... I feel lost and hopeless. I'm still having a hard time eating, and I have no money. I'm just so done. I need help.",3.139173900029931,4.972545158236058,3.942874189364464,87.92083029033225,74.71984435797665,6.404796966975956,25.739618876583858,7.137427946048943,1.1411545485383616,3051,107,606,32,65,974,333,771,0.212,0.684,0.104,-0.9987,3,0,3,0,0,7,119.0,2,0,3,15,42,45,10,3,33,2,70,11,5,4,6,134,151,50,7,18,24,6,14,4,3,6,3,7,6,1,33,36,2,6,31,3,2,13,21,25,1,1,43,22,104,20,90,94,17,95,1,10,0,1,57,46,1,18,40,427,137,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393808165345227,0.0,0.0,0.03590928556788218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236847996877963,0.0,0.0,0.13036231874183124,0.0940154864760568,0.14809694906681709,0.0,0.049612139087767265,0.08120774025808819,0.08818012236676716,0.09656851481948857,0.0,0.08986651866851783,0.0,0.0554157051340128,0.09340365727561786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058947966464138135,0.10783984256098993,0.0603949784040772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045486926585459074,0.05536515318114192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842784985145661,0.058003933803716684,0.034054927495566774,0.05443974975071236,0.0909619277427037,0.0,0.10960673466729004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211388323362702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806562069087064,0.04411189360558352,0.0,0.09353930815508978,0.05456179433098213,0.058891656056186285,0.1395091085661983,0.0,0.04449058264506033,0.0,0.09491565595896397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240298652111708,0.1131719434159216,0.15210355965600927,0.05784541691725838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239129100372485,0.0,0.2207079242171999,0.0,0.15005180455082773,0.0,0.04223307030972191,0.0,0.05817078197141697,0.0,0.04669538438600215,0.0,0.09460601316797274,0.052134113854396674,0.10838655427978276,0.0,0.0,0.06257430960279715,0.07078830430501258,0.0,0.05296783080066892,0.0,0.10400479315135494,0.0,0.11305792480355495,0.11922108347147227,0.0,0.0,0.05240092371797368,0.09387121604165312,0.11684206098552792,0.0549883962011092,0.17412184491540975,0.043043212458346976,0.0,0.05591298703947465,0.0573729065262644,0.0,0.0,0.10319163783753686,0.05292459262531187,0.0,0.04673086067465376,0.0,0.059075411071732364,0.11528603071797595,0.04489301619777683,0.0,0.04996547186102065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058654573155801124,0.053195592950862236,0.0,0.05601787699312733,0.0,0.1236894132667289,0.04214853501597684,0.0,0.0,0.039154319977700934,0.040726556167745516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066792721163582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035782109146479384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726765119453653,0.057182788315174815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975369122437004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693283974490255,0.0,0.0,0.0530837204244265,0.059153808222916326,0.05616473439994772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509527542218066,0.10045950372683496,0.0,0.10573425408215656,0.0,0.0,0.048071788927456935,0.0,0.0,0.054203686590467835,0.13104279800763635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044741598348306544,0.12195586051867888,0.0,0.0,0.11212718594416887,0.0,0.0421702290612558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155204394589456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039702871046850115,0.04244274720012475,0.046153993623940286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140325474870108,0.0,0.051880752473874484,0.041921358956065684,0.1231643371658004,0.0,0.0,0.050457545523198026,0.0,0.03585120347504283,0.057436796316553615,0.0,0.0,0.06351804561448958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802075409984173,0.0,0.08471414818199707,0.0,0.04747813553340249,0.09790173201306998,0.14294519541058426,0.058955019541558136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306564939374534,0.053626152431268885,0.0,0.11253370528511827,0.0,0.0,0.0340047595597804
suicidewatch,TormentedEveryday,2018/01/23,"Suicidal due to missed opportunity and wasted youth. I haven't felt suicidal in awhile, but now, I feel the need to do so. I have had an offer from IBM for a lucrative IT position, and technology is something I've been wanting to do. However, my mother advised that I take time to think about it.

Unfortunately for me, IBM does not take kindly to those who wait and informed me that they've rescinded their offer and moved on to someone else. All because I listened to my mother.

Now, I am 27, far older than most suicidal thinkers and I feel that I've wasted my youth, as I have a useless master's in cybersecurity that won't let me get hired without experience. I see so many young successful people and feel like an idiot in a world of geniuses.

How should people expect me to live when I have tried valiantly with no results?",5.869565217391305,6.392172136645964,6.9598074534161505,73.8400838509317,66.7639751552795,9.918260869565216,32.24906832298137,9.888512548439397,3.095864099378882,658,26,123,14,10,222,103,161,0.162,0.735,0.103,-0.8525,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,7,7,1,0,6,0,13,0,0,2,1,26,27,12,3,4,3,2,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,6,18,4,21,21,2,16,0,2,1,0,9,6,0,1,10,83,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076934352469512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460086264958647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758106303633228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728124153681341,0.0,0.0,0.2679816229906365,0.12620961793620272,0.16962624809198626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230024890722936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839695669966776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065208455627807,0.0,0.08630966823081616,0.0,0.15599856345894486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911073266581226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776709510541367,0.0,0.13099496966601296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449547405708924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140779251052366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968780767443418,0.13600546298454627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5797289981545082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656604120003997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131998942246592,0.0,0.0,0.10301486924148576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994403974779627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420168227426847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702988995834986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MundaneMonster,2018/01/23,"I maybe messed up Okay so. Here's some background: I dont really know when the whole suicidal ideation thing started but for the past few years I guess every once in awhile I get a little excited to take my life. I've tried 7 times and this time...I think I may have achieved it. Except I did it in the wrong way and now given time to think, I'm not sure if I want to die. The giddy feeling has left me so I can't at least laugh off the event.

Alright. So getting to what I actually did. My mom has Tylenol for arthritis 650mg each. I took 20. 

Yeah. And I did the research. I know about the liver failure. School starts in two days and I could very well collapse in class or not even collapse really. Vomit blood, maybe?

Anyway I guess the reason why I posted here is because I wanted to die quickly and I didn't know about the liver failure before i took the pills. So now I'm trying to flush my liver I guess? Not because I don't want to die, no. I totally still want to drop dead. But I had arranged for my death to happen when my family was gone but now with this whole liver ordeal, they'll probably bear witness.  

Anyway, what should I do.  I don't want to go to the hospital cause my family will inevitably find out. I'm an adult but I'm on my mom's insurance so she'd probably get a call or something.

Also yes I am aware that suicide is wrong
It gets better 
Suicide is never the answer etc.
But at the time suicide sounded like a trip to Disney world.

TL;DR I took 20 Tylenol (13000mg), so I'm trying to flush my liver sans hospital",0.5950172532781224,2.8037895403726694,2.4834265010352015,93.18868702553488,85.27329192546583,5.192684610075915,19.814009661835748,6.5620332695718595,0.171132229123534,1200,35,260,13,36,398,171,322,0.267,0.664,0.069,-0.9976,0,0,1,0,0,5,37.0,0,0,1,2,22,11,0,0,17,4,24,11,6,2,3,45,57,22,9,8,12,2,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,9,8,0,0,9,0,0,6,10,3,1,1,11,2,37,8,30,40,8,39,0,0,0,0,6,13,0,8,18,162,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.08285755222827773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790056286402897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035177481346484,0.0,0.07225009877174719,0.0,0.0,0.07509385657519557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670013473316728,0.0,0.0,0.08722347585993738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779179544872106,0.0,0.0,0.05475836633429853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643619956494862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951105406026124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094694398535365,0.05608065730600795,0.0,0.07153830009538982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008662396327966,0.0,0.04293182478245869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760399196305898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774428292167311,0.0,0.048254935699313495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806058233033785,0.0,0.07508349458863042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998896006933403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225233657119454,0.0,0.059972736371920486,0.04148155584885398,0.08509970345547227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060215748730972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988854683133796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548596183204641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042380403247367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105389476868352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131799318986954,0.0,0.18308946895330336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087879427684837,0.08729913591009933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593100625541683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536600503961118,0.0,0.0,0.12019604749345192,0.0,0.06780730487939322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37150045577489904,0.0,0.0800243914483051,0.0,0.06383993498708372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640882483138504,0.1088107005997736,0.0,0.0,0.19804117611831407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28300634416697523,0.1729400246411418,0.0,0.0829423703222965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005764761306149,0.2504034595084511,0.06739568668226614,0.0,0.0,0.07634211345027739,0.0,0.0766158864679189,0.18959256675690309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856662243905523,0.0,0.054677699176619715
suicidewatch,RuztyRosey,2018/01/23,"Very often I consider breaking up with my boyfriend because hes the only thing keeping me from doing it And he doesnt even know Im suicidal. He knows in the past I have self-harmed and hes seen the scars, but Ive never admitted it to him outright. Hes the only thing keeping me sane and sometimes I even hate him too.

My family doesnt like me, I have no friends, and my boyfriend just drives me up the fucking wall. He never initiates sex, and he never tells me that hes not in the mood, he just *takes it* (which learning now makes me feel disgusting that weve had sex and he didnt want it but wouldnt tell me no, and actually extremely unattractive). Hes lied to me multiple times when with his friends which makes me very distrustful of him. And yet, hes the only sort of semblance of emotional support I get. Because of course when I try to talk to anyone else they have their own problems so I become therapist to them when Im screaming inside ""I want to fucking die, I cant help you with this menial shit"" because no one fucking cares about me. Even my grandparents dont give a fuck about my feelings, they think its all in my head and the only emotion Im allowed to feel is happy. If they can tell Im grumpy they just yell at me instead. But Im going through school and they are paying for it so *fucking suffer* right?

Dont tell me shit like ""You need to be on medication"" or ""You need to see a therapist"" because Im *on* medication and therapists are just a load of shit (Ive been going to one since I was in fifth grade and stopped around 18 because I couldnt afford it anymore). My own therapist said she didnt think therapy was working for me. Well *fuck me* right? 

Im not saying *omg if my boyfriend ever breaks up with me Im gonna fucking kill myself.* Hes a fucking idiot anyway but I love him. But sometimes yeah I wanna break up with him exclusively for the fact that Id have an excuse to do it. Because despite me hating him sometimes, I care about him and I dont want him to have to experience that. But I just want it all to end.",0.3686029544226273,2.6833703419203765,2.341774004683842,92.89888330931366,87.9695550351288,5.251828499369483,22.028868672311297,6.759486899279683,0.5843626733921816,1604,59,347,21,52,533,190,427,0.183,0.716,0.101,-0.9899,3,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,1,3,7,1,25,31,17,0,14,1,36,17,4,3,7,69,77,27,3,12,16,0,3,2,2,2,2,4,0,0,18,19,0,3,9,0,1,3,18,20,1,2,9,9,71,10,45,64,4,34,0,1,2,11,48,15,11,5,15,231,89,6,0.0,0.0,0.05579915203899845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670691107943308,0.039981385127782494,0.058587373599297325,0.0,0.05090206775970735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913733551962266,0.06315050110619505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165970573486939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934351503223392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104259487795365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047766313433739514,0.12863896286900636,0.05064425426463237,0.0,0.0,0.11329998434579452,0.05172232440164898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593273166546925,0.05390394496163048,0.0,0.08673534351152942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835380951777225,0.4228937895066625,0.029874040263753208,0.054851991398071294,0.06499309770338975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608688682032052,0.0,0.11290625812736207,0.058682882331260976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832635661834488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941112207765908,0.0,0.0,0.10164791309898168,0.06326088103563522,0.0,0.0628489502495361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587023945016967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160692381946865,0.0,0.0763358054502206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520509134810232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479606597994971,0.13230156005402766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749290729131927,0.17395099473325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458450649242358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054713263467596265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766232569639864,0.05439100149859056,0.04547160314856031,0.0,0.05786892267466389,0.04556482852463898,0.0,0.05965091154404675,0.0,0.176082462437075,0.047299649831662606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965659600386626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780480076911097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254532585403315,0.0648868611949211,0.0,0.0,0.04299202839941418,0.04595888772939724,0.19991035935767631,0.0,0.0653899855734984,0.2655602176927475,0.07597532170479637,0.0732769031060587,0.0,0.0,0.033341950730583304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038821272046886415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435850385456283,0.1349043058352358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141142938490882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416275123872309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yougotaweirdname,2018/01/23,"I don’t know where to post this, but my SO called the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and was told “You figure it out and call me back.” And was hung up on. Later that night, he harmed himself pretty badly. I’m trying to find a number or someone I could talk to that could explain this to me. 
It is my understanding that this hotline is in place to help people, specifically people who are distressed and suicidal. 
My SO called the number and after explaining that he was suicidal, he was dismissed with “You figure it out and call me back.” When he called back, he was hung up on again. 
Later that night, he slit his wrists. 
He’s okay now, but I’m trying to find a number or email so I can at least talk to someone and find out if this is apart of their training, or if it’s possible I would like to report the person he talked to. 
I’m furious, and terrified at the fact that when he tried to reach out for help at his darkest hour (which is very hard for him) he was turned away and was made to feel so unimportant. 
This is disgusting to me. 
I wasn’t sure where to post this, and if there is somewhere better please direct me. 
Thank you so much",4.554583333333333,5.07064793534483,5.090275862068967,86.11564367816094,69.64655172413794,8.255632183908046,25.81149425287357,8.238735603445708,1.375595632183908,899,24,190,12,15,288,113,232,0.197,0.6779999999999999,0.125,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,3,1,1,15,10,2,1,6,1,20,1,1,1,2,40,32,25,3,6,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,18,15,0,1,10,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,10,2,21,5,31,19,2,33,0,0,0,0,34,18,0,6,14,131,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970071701224131,0.2381796033991857,0.08620978947022817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913166075681822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271511239810458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487412056496098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052206515614496914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831070450903886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924920975263053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841316267870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016808673068034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674373161595302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044294073476365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769804564350644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590094020421356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937870530582436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431616841380145,0.09015428580340502,0.10787471509927687,0.11333795766953668,0.0,0.11639933697286682,0.197770726155626,0.10504279821629237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496749474335874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388176098409645,0.0,0.09731230067335823,0.0,0.0,0.24896633407529825,0.0,0.0950591163061401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866020277555737,0.0,0.2103007766976679,0.11230680986581623,0.0,0.1074873304656538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519241128368257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334613728162241,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bush_did_7__11,2018/01/23,"I just want everything to end Its been 4 painful years of nothing. I have been feeling empty for god knows how long now and even though everything seems to be going better for me there's just multiple factors that make me feel worse.
Basically, the school makes me want to die, I'm in the last year of the IB and every passing day is painful, I feel like I haven't made any progress in the last 2 years and my grades reflect that. People expect more from me but I've never felt like improving myself, and every time I stop trying people just keep nagging and telling me that I am not good enough.
The best news I've gotten in the last few months is that an English university accepted me. but of course, my parents swooped in (divorced) and ruined everything for me. Basically myu dads a dick and even though he keeps telling me hell pay for it mom just constantly tells me that he wont and im starting to believe her.
My only life support is my girlfriend and shes a sweetheart she really is but shes also emotionally unstable and sometimes i can barely cope with that.
I just want to die i want to end it i want everything to become silent i need for everyone to shut up and stop telling me what to do and stoip reminding me that i am going to fail i already know",2.7463060595686426,4.807946653543309,3.76892502567614,87.71090893529612,76.55905511811024,6.937076343717905,26.00410818212941,7.893859768569023,1.504461691201643,1006,38,204,16,23,324,142,254,0.202,0.6829999999999999,0.115,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,0,4,13,14,2,0,9,0,16,4,1,4,1,48,40,19,2,7,9,3,4,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,11,13,0,4,9,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,5,4,33,8,25,33,4,27,1,2,0,1,16,6,2,1,20,126,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562514991472946,0.07654416931050922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509026317246408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571096589448199,0.0,0.10783932213381964,0.1004481925501391,0.08465315498755499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343515265777346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617289973317716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986765008588588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766778393159146,0.1695521948849535,0.0989003678575535,0.0,0.12643922662236995,0.0,0.16128996649565092,0.0914608816411282,0.34409400954954084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519088176948772,0.06837963555653104,0.09190251278008676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879538585364887,0.08028216407313611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033898652675755,0.0,0.0,0.1701538212148504,0.0,0.0,0.1052061839566456,0.23406430808035625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760714629213649,0.09352415061761153,0.0,0.0,0.08470577934052602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056893395503968,0.1277825446373927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210159620078836,0.07639971648384844,0.0,0.0,0.07097231123882053,0.07382219437519813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184222588818088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279644400855713,0.20369746081910448,0.0,0.10628145557838886,0.0,0.0,0.1327150510553727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131821563016941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686985224273537,0.0,0.08713638667481445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946657182433624,0.0,0.06774838250027783,0.0,0.0,0.16004597192975406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861755093980403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33464053031781643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808125969124465,0.0,0.055812855872816314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498498180446317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28227932129125244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754293249972616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491418421664307
suicidewatch,twitch_Nutgos,2018/01/23,"Why do i exsist? I've started to become numb. I don't enjoy being around people like i used to, i'm extremely shy and i fucking hate myself for it. Would it just be easier to kill myself? I've been abused so much in my life, i've been thrown away like paper when people finally decided to get to know me. If i'm that bad of a person i think it's better if i just cut a blood line.",0.9878991596638684,2.169138176470589,3.861008403361346,89.0088235294118,79.0,6.739495798319329,18.025210084033613,7.447530270364453,0.2128151260504203,295,5,68,4,7,106,58,85,0.269,0.617,0.114,-0.939,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,4,0,2,0,7,4,1,1,0,11,16,5,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,10,4,10,11,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,5,41,14,1,0.0,0.2772590490032478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831510538644,0.0,0.0,0.2198565017295738,0.0,0.19538537928536293,0.0,0.2584414321878846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069594429403344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563423234385978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633493541023935,0.12225856669006717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310326485322848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588931585645502,0.0,0.12860367241331205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528547976107014,0.2286471911901491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720214616118198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244608312620585,0.20432516346629565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563077305774926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994170634668855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021061996625268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115417301683712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623127071705826,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Batchcat,2018/01/23,"I don’t know what to do anymore I’m 22. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 13, but due to family pride my mother never let me get any help. It’s been really bad over the last few months and 2 weeks ago my boyfriend dumped me which made it worse. The last week stuff has gone down hill - college, work, my social life and my ability to cope.
I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t know who I can talk to. My friends say I can talk to them but I can’t. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone. Therapists never helped me. I opened up fully to my boyfriend after we had an argument and thought communication would help, but it resulted in us breaking up which made me worse because I felt ashamed. I still feel ashamed. I hate myself and I don’t know how to make it better. ",1.1104318181818194,3.032121933333337,2.663390151515152,94.33508522727276,81.18181818181819,6.0643939393939394,21.221590909090907,7.1686216300943375,0.4079772727272726,609,18,141,8,16,199,95,165,0.205,0.682,0.114,-0.958,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,1,3,2,10,2,2,3,0,16,1,0,5,3,26,30,9,0,1,3,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,10,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,9,3,26,3,17,19,1,20,0,2,0,0,14,6,0,0,12,86,36,2,0.13132074839094598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640792000801582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930261208618613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26046979093218137,0.09182252063443416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964733963511512,0.08005190934400153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614253028436836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310636816294414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379751433567306,0.0,0.06639971613346213,0.0,0.12608851229868456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145808445164388,0.0,0.0686096709702598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965205161754564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406458857163484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886817959255946,0.21408787417085628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428436248265632,0.09275572820444236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485177346607473,0.08765761927327949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481896849263324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30384797047932016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412743407918283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443152994937416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862988010016043,0.0,0.0,0.13386496537276776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487291929893557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033083869384806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31665192964531097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247351042768625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425400555247216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796269121702758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210675166427566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560306885117346,0.0,0.2676541233115535,0.0932864918805902,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bitcointhusiast,2018/01/23,"Help Help. It's the most prominent word in my head of endless thoughts.

I've always grown up quite independent. Always moved around a lot and my father was never around much (he's always worked internationally, and still does).

Is it strange to avoid pity from people? I've always sought a temporary status quo.. by means of temporary happiness. But that'll eventually come to an end, and I know that.

My thoughts are starting to consume me more.

""Loved"" ones always tell me to seek professional advice. Again, I don't want pity. I'm not saying seeking professional advice means I'll be pitied upon but constantly receiving the same feedback of ""talk to a professional"" doesn't help. I don't want the help. I don't know what I want.

Because I grew up moving around so much, I always treated ALL my relationships as.. expendable. Now, I feel like I'm left with nothing. My days are filled with regret and sadness. The only thing that stops me from doing it is family. But my family and I are too conservative to talk about things. Everyone is busy with work and I don't want to burden anyone. I wish my existence was never meant to be.

I used to sedate myself with drugs for the past 7 years to suppress the thoughts and just get by the day. I've been learning to live life sober and face reality. I just can't manage to deal with reality though.

I wish someone I knew in real life would talk to me. Ask if things were okay. Quite frankly, I don't know where I expect things to go from there. I don't expect anything really. I just don't want to feel pity from others.

I feel so alone. Help.",2.304485826001958,4.815560719354842,3.565894428152493,86.22853861192574,80.51612903225806,6.596285434995114,21.329423264907135,7.793537801064563,1.0114731182795706,1253,37,247,22,33,407,160,310,0.118,0.7929999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.3789,0,2,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,4,16,13,0,1,11,1,24,6,2,2,3,64,53,16,0,12,8,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,12,17,0,4,14,0,0,8,12,8,0,1,9,4,32,5,40,40,7,31,0,6,0,1,17,10,0,3,14,153,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376914080776436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678747880128722,0.0,0.0,0.41835036336302267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859217525362372,0.0,0.06895704308601515,0.22378886064726147,0.0783380335381448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108131936765842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721829126700876,0.0,0.0905538053728808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808309296431892,0.08639009045058861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733305240139286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717686217836527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421846471748289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007075604910785,0.0,0.0,0.15799099405682415,0.0,0.12710946435368414,0.059863944225438136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043779999043888095,0.0,0.047623249654083606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920249715845027,0.0,0.0,0.08599896464196677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808337675943213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815642063516995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104469816473193,0.0,0.1183753145781994,0.04093853740764367,0.0,0.07399348365728617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124044007705843,0.07562924383601577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825570177486211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812396697761873,0.1231995373213477,0.0,0.1292574226436988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040460940399127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678239998957265,0.06373070327840125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999285068075952,0.05809365865723881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825491510020314,0.0,0.09537829697137637,0.0536819216805149,0.0,0.0,0.08996564203026541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663801497193013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100015606084836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059311304577038176,0.0,0.066919666596672,0.07005728430058694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205637166116466,0.07324147708404771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268159795116985,0.0,0.08232923405023491,0.1995742086587412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237291805015203,0.0,0.0,0.2471255280646211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272273860472144,0.0,0.0,0.12200910465556465,0.0,0.0,0.059526338890478564,0.0,0.0,0.05396193530594814
suicidewatch,eb62488,2018/01/23,"I can't think of a single good reason to not kill myself. Hello. My name is Erik. I'm 29 years old, and I'm seriously considering killing myself. In fact, I already have a plan of action in place and the means to carry it out, but I'm desperately looking for some reason, anything at all not to go through with it. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like the only logical option. Here's why:

1. People hate me. Seriously. I have no friends at all and haven't had any for over a decade. I've never had a girlfriend or even had a girl be remotely interested in me. In fact, every girl I meet treats me with absolute disgust. All of the friends I've ever made in my entire life abandon me. About six months ago a new girl started at my job and it seemed like we were going to be friends, but once she got to know me she stopped talking to me completely. That's usually how it goes. Once people get to know me, they run for the hills as soon as possible. My mom is the only one who actually likes me, I think. I've tried going out to meetups and joining a Buddhist group to try to make friends, but after 3+ years of trying, I still have not made a single friend. People just hate me, there seems to be nothing I can do about it.

2. I'm an utter failure. I seriously can't do anything at all right. I barely scraped through high school, and that was only because I am intelligent and could pass my tests with ease. Once I got into the ""real world"", however, things completely fell apart. I immediately failed out of college, then was forced to move in with a bunch of ski bums who HATED me (see #1). I lived with them for five years, and during those years I completely broke down, mostly because of their constant talking behind my back and telling me I was a fucking weirdo who was probably a serial killer among other things. It got to the point where I couldn't hold a job (because people at work always hated me too), so I had to beg for money from my mother to pay for rent and food. I would have been homeless if not for her support. Even with her help, I had to steal food from my roommates to survive, which of course made them hate me even more. Eventually I broke down and they called the cops on me, and I was taken to the hospital. Since then, I have struggled and failed to do anything constructive with my life. I am holding a job, somehow, but that's mostly because it is the easiest job in the world. I literally just sit in a warehouse all day every day and play on the computer. If I couldn't have so much down time at work, I know I would break down and fail miserably. Oh, and I should mention I work completely alone. I couldn't work if it required interaction with other people, not in a million years.

3. Therapy and medication aren't working. I feel like I've tried everything, and nothing seems to help. My therapist tells me I need to ""love myself first"" but how the hell can anyone do that if everyone around them hates them so much? It seems to be a catch-22 if you ask me. Humans require connection, it's a basic need for us. If you take that away, how exactly is a person supposed to believe they are lovable or worthy? It doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me, and yet that's what everyone tells me. ""Love yourself first."" Easy for all you people to say, you have reasons to believe other people can love you. I don't have any reasons at all, only experience after experience of not being good enough in any way for anyone at all. All those experiences undercut any attempts of my therapists to help. I just can't believe what they are saying to me.

4. I can't be alone anymore. Seriously. I'm nearly 30 and have never experienced love or sex, or even a close friendship. I WILL NOT go into my 30s this way. I can't. I will choose death over loneliness for the rest of my life, and I can't see any other options than those two. No matter what I try, people just despise me, and I can't take it anymore. But I don't want to kill myself either. I just don't know what to do anymore.",3.5154105090311987,4.706851460591135,4.772236453201973,84.95236124794748,72.57142857142857,7.63008210180624,26.71067323481117,8.07648339933343,1.551615697865353,3134,107,650,45,60,1038,323,812,0.157,0.71,0.133,-0.9678,6,2,0,0,0,4,111.0,2,5,9,15,29,46,14,2,37,0,65,13,0,12,15,136,120,49,4,16,30,2,1,4,6,5,5,2,1,5,38,38,2,6,20,2,3,9,27,27,0,7,19,7,101,19,109,86,24,86,1,7,3,6,58,44,3,21,33,457,139,20,0.0,0.0,0.0464275225377762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04217344369438118,0.0,0.0,0.09854922026415118,0.052501535913446674,0.0,0.039587221832087904,0.0,0.0,0.16176728706769244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154846243978722,0.06653279095762223,0.0,0.11745351267908034,0.0423529177734014,0.04447733837209124,0.0,0.04469941976808009,0.036583172354168116,0.0,0.11600807543385296,0.0,0.0,0.16080630555680606,0.0,0.0,0.05194090425599817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858063448775892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953102350131244,0.051412986266613066,0.0,0.03798573607871631,0.0,0.0,0.061365445122329165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915894764758433,0.0,0.12569456427265288,0.043035409932133305,0.08017002556006944,0.09092222384600034,0.04275843398696054,0.13961600123509185,0.0,0.0,0.024055963627600516,0.03398845724543656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809366077379828,0.11505869518387092,0.0,0.18378632706720185,0.043983443802344584,0.02485660851387968,0.0,0.1081546366982454,0.07980934320467553,0.11415313505407199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818299733408369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566800143013393,0.05026688288325678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884820760186755,0.0,0.15790809749163262,0.0,0.10458657336393053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081346218948004,0.09297334122392388,0.0,0.04201066916432657,0.0,0.03995203792227797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175756485038413,0.13505329391310078,0.06351498541595095,0.0,0.0,0.0518244451888853,0.0,0.047928030978789324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572068757906352,0.03797488062257949,0.0505659868752328,0.06994798390054703,0.07055432063998683,0.07338741942288929,0.04594940456606969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130132217056007,0.0,0.04992323408460324,0.15200134761776288,0.03223887432259718,0.1447354204021254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638668546217857,0.0415417155240444,0.04970701821834237,0.0,0.04497490082696359,0.053635033549692734,0.0,0.0,0.05129520615598116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415214801995368,0.0,0.19566508983166808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04062982735106967,0.0,0.07566903090330518,0.0,0.048149669189184514,0.0758241667106006,0.21655799485581564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935553638975792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03367468959606417,0.0,0.03799442646870147,0.039775845761430284,0.0,0.04973698944604847,0.0,0.0,0.0539889245705252,0.0,0.0,0.07154278495355942,0.07647991834630093,0.12475112580734185,0.0,0.05440754774976952,0.11047930426836726,0.06321504596161143,0.0914547518950804,0.0,0.0,0.027742073354729155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150563378116087,0.0,0.046475048609519384,0.0,0.057228328307863424,0.0,0.05239847890966738,0.0,0.028061684052255016,0.07552756938243077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042930133706351986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318025444176716,0.0,0.0,0.06759355570482678,0.0,0.0,0.15318761190545396
suicidewatch,quartzcrown,2018/01/23,"Self Destruction (A dumb ramble about my life) I wasn't really sure where else to put this. I just wanted to vent or something. 

Pretty much ever since I was 12 or so, I've self-harmed, it started off small enough with scratching and eventually cutting to calm myself down. When I got older I developed social anxiety and got really bad panic attacks where I'd hurt myself worse by stabbing myself or drinking small amounts of turpentine. I got treated for it and I stopped for a while, but then I tried to overdose on my meds (luckily SSRIs are difficult to overdose on) and then I stopped treatment. Recently I decided to try treatment again and I was diagnosed with a possible mood disorder alongside my social anxiety which made a lot more sense. I got given lamotrigine and that was really good for me for a while, but then things got bad again and I tried to overdose and this time I got close and got really sick. My parents could barely look at me for a while afterwards and it really clicked to me that what I'm doing is hurting my loved ones and the worst part is I want to try again, I want to succeed and overdose and I hate myself for that. I keep telling everyone I'm over it and not to worry, but there's always this little voice in the back of my head telling me to do it and it scares me because I just feel like I'm losing control of myself and I'm going to really do it and succeed this time. I don't know what to do.",3.7686157744694313,5.245712648083625,4.956960722204624,82.75902043078872,72.34494773519164,8.284383908774151,28.02803294266709,8.841846274778883,2.203308013937282,1138,43,222,22,22,376,143,287,0.201,0.7,0.099,-0.9816,1,0,2,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,4,13,23,5,2,8,0,13,6,1,2,2,44,37,31,0,4,9,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,18,20,1,4,3,1,0,2,3,14,0,1,13,5,36,8,34,23,7,35,0,3,2,1,7,13,1,4,21,158,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557015528241377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895527934799293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332173601427964,0.0,0.06983556530574504,0.1516630970063132,0.05536349779567156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186321504559674,0.07251299386860709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218116874148344,0.0,0.0,0.10408846958102698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896977776187344,0.0,0.0,0.075869098607161,0.0,0.0,0.09384213226695287,0.0,0.0,0.0821525851197151,0.0,0.08678313678853881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045921709649560126,0.06488237549838324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516155359705901,0.07617615204909528,0.5084636590581814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966670667512501,0.09320831075479362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944510231625192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072567242201578,0.0,0.0,0.049912719457124236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414939501211725,0.04437044018407065,0.09102626997915512,0.0,0.0,0.07626657213889647,0.10160520942344037,0.0,0.07721256999610844,0.08196928987418797,0.08593680755290163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088140024791728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676371516391058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615425035134474,0.0,0.0,0.10655860395741848,0.10084571602682574,0.09835004237422423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238677094138432,0.0,0.09239737269741163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129995767867023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34909266120189153,0.0,0.08967455265779345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092743354933147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949173861701632,0.0,0.0,0.07512787860718216,0.0,0.0,0.185160673269768,0.0,0.0699182650537409,0.0,0.0,0.06428340772827189,0.0,0.0,0.15186045908602686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559749993373918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876271033287848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060337283325496024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591664149433563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466453619927239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070532786890693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922328994331724,0.09255412261489024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_hannahcgr_,2018/01/23,"Rant on a Suicide Prevention Chatroom [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6asn10/just_a_rant_about_a_suicide_chatroom/?st=JCRORK6J&sh=905f61dbhttps://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6asn10/just_a_rant_about_a_suicide_chatroom/?st=JCRORK6J&sh=905f61db)

I came across this post today, and I would like to share my experience with what I think is the same chatroom. 
I joined the chatroom, and met one of my best friends. All was well and good, until the owner of the chat joined and started talking. He was being horrible to one of the girls I had met on the chat, so I asked him politely to leave her alone. Then he started tearing strips off me and ended up “silencing” me for 10 minutes. The friends that I had made on the chat decided to create their own chatroom, which was a much safer place. However, the owner of the other chat somehow got the link to this chat, and started spamming the chat with hate speech. Eventually, we got rid of all of his possible accounts and followers, and we were once again safe. Until we all received emailed death threats and hate speech from the owner of the other chat. In my email, he stated that he knew exactly where I lived and that he was going to kill my family while I watch “within the next 24 hours”. 2 years later and my family is still alive. Needless to say I have never gone back to that chatroom and I strongly suggest for anyone else who is seeking help not to go to a chatzy suicide/therapy chatroom. ",9.5666534914361,10.61251699604743,7.545312252964425,71.00782345191044,58.88142292490119,11.173544137022397,35.44374176548089,10.93419730881044,4.027399156785243,1212,47,191,28,15,355,143,253,0.13699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.129,-0.6199,2,1,0,0,0,6,59.0,3,0,1,2,7,13,4,0,18,0,13,0,0,1,5,34,31,17,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,1,11,18,0,2,4,7,1,6,2,4,1,2,15,4,25,9,32,14,7,35,0,0,1,0,37,10,0,1,18,131,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726648206965014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872036370958429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267168357647984,0.13579796023620713,0.0,0.0,0.1239025078796956,0.0,0.0,0.10191137704680632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908750082882734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158494489097946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071614127421753,0.0,0.11738683617835692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964484331656292,0.24988475587040096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479271171418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064560084083886,0.11116422584198014,0.2120009909646353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617021144600745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883554138564617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052046092942673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663054647473828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033562529590435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474999721896142,0.0,0.1170309973051456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540799746346604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742861132900628,0.0,0.10221930589961624,0.0,0.1409526737814781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114564750088415,0.17961854400417898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847106058708974,0.0,0.0,0.14941350832244246,0.2538641439622397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539729939897567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281427260200494,0.0,0.10584277066086176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497198204134004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652676208123876,0.0,0.0,0.15156553563040406,0.0,0.0,0.08492319558721699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562785929882506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119165048958299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414919344172264,0.0,0.0,0.08534831438158667
suicidewatch,tmval,2018/01/23,"My Suicide experience Not sure if this goes against guidelines, so it may be removed, but I recently wrote an article about suicide to spread awareness as well as share my experience

http://tmvxx.com/index.php/2018/01/23/suicide-the-permanent-solution/",17.93454545454545,21.248679575757574,12.299545454545456,36.26931818181819,41.12121212121213,12.660606060606062,49.83333333333334,12.161744961471696,6.859860606060607,218,11,23,5,2,60,29,33,0.244,0.629,0.127,-0.7211,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5823762499302734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29392305193674634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6512271301068273,0.0,0.2805598430436501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676500374397285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway29611226517,2018/01/23,"Hi. I have been struggling with depression for almost 10years now. I’m honestly just really tired and just exhausted. Constantly fighting everyday just to “live” has seriously defeated me. I have tried therapists and medications but nothing seems to work. I came to the realization a couple of years ago that my life will inevitably end in suicide, i am now just waiting for the day it happens. I have made my peace with the unavoidable outcome. I am terrified of dying. But it is the only way. I have many plans of how I will do it Just haven’t had the courage to follow through yet. 

Now I just want someone to talk to for a while, i’m not sure why but it’s what I need right now. I’d prefer to talk through pm but I might reply to comments i’m not sure to be honest. I might not talk at all. I just need someone to reach out. 

(I know that some of the rules say to reply publicly and I will but I am just struggling right now and sometimes publicly is just too embarrassing) ",2.065773195876289,4.4258968659793805,3.3991855670103104,87.96888144329898,80.34020618556701,6.7665979381443275,26.194845360824733,7.908726449838941,1.6531286597938148,768,32,156,14,20,250,105,194,0.16399999999999998,0.747,0.08800000000000001,-0.9258,0,1,0,0,2,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,17,13,1,3,8,0,20,4,0,2,3,41,33,11,2,4,17,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,4,1,19,5,25,23,2,21,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,5,13,111,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358276330237908,0.0,0.1396037328385795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945333249596802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065781581649282,0.0,0.0,0.1542597682054947,0.0,0.08991097969678398,0.0,0.12007771914239472,0.0,0.1446904988504879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348008724256318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328400223462255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661870011319206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847276029706628,0.0,0.0,0.12310577768163702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191760653788734,0.0,0.14134467361140501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044569257667594,0.0,0.2957940346014053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674853992948494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377221183033086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603119898535386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931265821370434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381188680218089,0.0,0.11086820420938816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269179515595011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362513290459909,0.0,0.1378847517191019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29149313196365123,0.0,0.1524971076228092,0.0,0.26279350230539433,0.0,0.0,0.3361688832504127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187126913503866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160236745391056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465346323727948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223043115063462,0.11066093863988302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580012651607184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149559779095828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977852754998364
suicidewatch,jubileo5,2018/01/23,"pyrrhic im tired. i fucked up. i let my friends see who i was inside and they got scared. they freaked out. i fucked up. 

ive convinced them i'm getting better or atlease act like im improving this year but i cant. im done. ill have my relief soon",-2.9580699300699287,-2.375042163636362,-0.6381818181818169,107.17349650349651,125.1818181818182,2.41958041958042,16.958041958041953,4.713530739802397,-1.0783426573426578,191,7,49,1,13,62,40,55,0.183,0.537,0.28,0.6954,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,1,1,9,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,4,12,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,1,11,5,3,8,0,6,0,0,1,2,5,3,2,1,3,25,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889198281391082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218596200996618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650338065736754,0.3949562120726249,0.11160190170341727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084265471866686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6922032231597538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184297054651612,0.0,0.10435858217058022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385990326560994,0.0,0.17021874072753754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455121566424883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755721176931646
suicidewatch,crimsonkitten13,2018/01/23,"I'm just so tired. I really don't know what to do anymore. This emptiness. This loneliness. These intrusive thoughts. This heartache. The anxiety. The breakdowns. Its just too much.


I've been bad before- I've lived 19 years with depression, anxiety, developing bpd, and other disorders. But I don't know if I've ever been this bad for this long. I haven't felt happy in years.


It feels like my blood is full of iron. I'm so tired, so exhausted constantly. I haven't slept long enough in so long. And even if I sleep for 16 hours I can't feel well-rested. 


Its so much effort to just get out of bed and feed myself. Hell half of the time I don't even do that. I just trudge through the day, doing the bare minimum to keep myself alive for a bit longer. 


I should be happy. Having the time of my life. I'm in college in my own space. Free to travel. Free to meet anyone. Do anything. And I feel so fucking guilty that I don't.


I don't leave the house anymore. I go to class- sometimes- but that's it. I don't hang out with friends- I don't even have friends. No one cares. No one loves me. No one to talk to. I've tried reaching out but no one listens.


I don't work. I'm not able to. My hell brain can't cope with adult responsibilities. I can't go outside without breaking down. I have nothing. The only reason I'm here at college is through other peoples money- a ""scholarship"" for the mentally unsound. I've dropped from a 4.0 to a 2.6 gpa. My grades- my ""intelligence""- was my only reason for living. But I can't even bring myself to care anymore.


I can't even escape. I have no car and no money.


I so dependent I don't even feel like a real person anymore. Just a puppet or doll. I can't do anything for myself. The person I depend on- for food, social interaction, comfort- is leaving in a few months for another state. To go to college. I should be happy for them but I'm just a selfish asshole and want them to stay here forever. They don't even think of me like I do of them. I'm a casual friend. They are my entire universe. And I feel so sick for putting that weight on someone. Do I even really love them or an I just obsessed and completely dependent?


My anxiety has gotten so bad these past few weeks I have started getting physically sick. I can't eat. It won't stay down. I cry almost everyday. If I don't I stare into oblivion with a heavy emptiness inside me. Headaches and body aches have become a regular thing.


And the thoughts. God. They're so tempting. ""Slit your wrists"", ""shove a knife through your throat"", ""jump off that building"", ""break you're own bones"", ""burn off that disgusting flesh"". I just want to hurt myself. Feel alive. Feel real. I don't feel real. But I have no pain tolerance. I'm such a coward.


I'm so scared of dying. Of not existing. Of not being able to think. But I really don't see another option. What else can I do? Slowly rot alive? 


This is all just too much. 


And I'm so scared that this will never change.


I see no future. I have no future. I have no ambitions. No talents. No plans. I never even thought I'd be alive at this age. I've planned on dying for so long.


I'm just waiting for that final push that will send me off the edge.


I just want to stop hurting. 


I'm just so tired.",-0.22938158016610544,2.068838605143725,1.7324920497699878,94.65488923708669,95.62632375189108,4.6949334650653,18.999058322269907,6.4441407237317625,0.1416879372626516,2502,81,539,33,98,823,271,661,0.205,0.6809999999999999,0.115,-0.996,0,1,0,0,0,2,126.0,0,2,6,4,42,34,4,3,26,0,58,24,9,5,4,85,108,37,2,8,28,0,10,3,3,5,8,1,1,3,29,19,4,3,18,2,5,11,41,16,0,5,9,14,71,20,66,90,11,62,2,3,3,3,22,21,3,10,27,346,100,8,0.12129442258693293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060729421638885735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718777793792965,0.13918485192235425,0.0,0.2405829488452437,0.04240594025429082,0.0,0.09981497483445163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191366458300926,0.0,0.06698008006423369,0.051606309932562267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621104724245333,0.06736537981193264,0.07638303956784294,0.06770234504050746,0.0,0.0,0.12366774767688166,0.0,0.06415670801524555,0.0,0.0635874471797188,0.06553809009170672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661811383222235,0.03911243406567673,0.0,0.05223535421983341,0.0,0.12588446072559045,0.0,0.0695069583702913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062057237746113776,0.05066296295551159,0.0,0.0,0.06266478128762308,0.0,0.3605121997367623,0.05485887473331329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453204181982815,0.08665275973187647,0.058230833594490765,0.06643605555972408,0.0,0.0,0.07333484862842528,0.0,0.1405676550102598,0.056067369584666515,0.06337132955899967,0.0,0.1034016233808291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368025245662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972528667365785,0.06997873918220535,0.12984818805022935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390602796866928,0.0,0.0,0.06666024253058546,0.0,0.0,0.12843327998752466,0.0,0.0,0.04283691888769351,0.08888749208705399,0.0,0.10710519736109853,0.21468349415310375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947295203514144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061118124607485065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840802544629892,0.0,0.1337480353747977,0.0,0.0935497362630057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058192634900414784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438447973847092,0.09224987411337572,0.06453290876257571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789462555461108,0.042045140114842776,0.105909611258931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096719822209224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708941144870954,0.11655646954558035,0.1247108679769218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143687699262365,0.0,0.09665595075995377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069100998415704,0.061822194430279025,0.051386185321314726,0.0,0.059981642714415674,0.0,0.042926408302999014,0.12928371574121408,0.0,0.0507037842436959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048745931162154636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04029131235344987,0.07772056833958238,0.0,0.14444133422331906,0.07072775323434839,0.20911514344995444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041175475480760115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731388960784756,0.0,0.0486475347162266,0.07385196490159357,0.05452912639010047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058461747486119736,0.0,0.04415189212644398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078109631352129
suicidewatch,4thusernameaccount,2018/01/23,"Any older folks here? Over 40, or at least late 30s? Bonus if you're an insomniac  ",-1.1419607843137245,0.7679473529411779,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,104.88235294117644,4.619607843137255,11.549019607843142,6.42735559955562,-0.9116509803921566,63,1,15,1,3,21,17,17,0.0,0.795,0.205,0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162855521359531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8564165041938847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,58Fish,2018/01/23,How do you not fail a suicide attempt? The outcomes are not very good... ,0.5735714285714302,3.0718563571428597,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,92.57142857142857,2.8000000000000003,28.42857142857143,3.1291,0.5053999999999998,55,3,11,0,2,17,13,14,0.0,0.631,0.369,0.7536,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221051538190675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6808900832066522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51360967956845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaredk2233,2018/01/23,"please help im 18 turning 19 in a few months and in the past ive struggled heavily with depression and anxiety. im in college now and my school anxiety is much different bc in college youre on your own. i dont want to go to school but i paid for it and also i feel like im just a failure to my parents if i dont finish. now i am getting to my point, everyday i wake up and feel like im just going through the motions to stay alive. i never look forward to doing anything and feeling like i lost hope and am falling back into my cycle of depression where i isolate myself and become even more depressed. at this moment i dont feel depressed but i do not want to live, i see no value in my life.  back when i was heavily depressed ive thought committing and those feelings are coming back. ive seeked help through professionals and see no change in myself. the only way i get through it without thinking about it is joking around and smoking weed. when i dont i feel the same as the past and no longer wish to live. My struggle is that i do not have the courage to do it bc i think about all the people i will affect with my decision. I dont want my family and friends to end up feeling the same as i do but also they wouldnt want me feeling like this. i came here to write this to get suggestions from people who are experiencing similar things. my question is how do you build this courage or what is my alternative? i see no value in keeping on. i just want to be happy",1.7389251040221936,3.5533177411003263,3.6453201571890896,88.58326456310681,78.70873786407765,6.485483125288951,26.246070272769302,7.447530270364453,1.3310128525196483,1158,47,247,16,28,391,149,309,0.189,0.652,0.159,-0.799,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,1,19,18,0,2,10,0,28,2,1,2,3,60,61,25,0,9,11,1,8,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,13,19,0,1,13,1,1,7,14,8,0,0,5,13,44,10,40,53,7,40,0,6,4,0,12,17,0,4,20,180,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202018762086928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498580447151892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061845658962477686,0.06690334028161019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733672594898866,0.0,0.0,0.08300211858596328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595660019261854,0.0,0.0,0.07950337893982266,0.06473885190152405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32365182761625105,0.0,0.0,0.07852034119676371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44040192367406505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656448206328361,0.0,0.0,0.04963876544512421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084886982025196,0.0,0.3040025396106523,0.21476124340755465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806409487379605,0.0,0.1177951998406535,0.0,0.08542394293553196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000324507797428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074880614658203,0.0,0.0,0.07464526630608705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247185487300146,0.0,0.0,0.06680067449401206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530837678599945,0.14686655399522155,0.0,0.13272540558347287,0.0,0.06311075903574735,0.0,0.08203989397858624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059987516657979675,0.0,0.05524712363323738,0.0,0.05796369827821304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715829977625901,0.0,0.0,0.08345005558091015,0.0,0.14348673728563555,0.1042051816727863,0.0,0.0,0.08249695119534121,0.07104519009190245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419011609324112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212050888423415,0.17966495440113725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010457956227728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571353712769053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992923691249688,0.09631179633861317,0.0,0.05966419041015045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174639461405234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216400304540664,0.0596540562101381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642383890500363,0.07244614955568981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,N_Tosser,2018/01/23,"Don't want to stop drinking because I want to passively die. I've been struggling with alcoholism for about 5 years. I've been unemployed or only partially employed for about a quarter of the last 4 years. Lost my college gf of 5 years a year and a half ago. Some supportive friends and family but I cannot shake the feeling that everyone I positively interact with is taking pity on me because I'm sick. Very sick. I'd be sick without the alcohol but it sure doesn't help. And I don't want it to.

They say you need to want to stop drinking to succeed. I believe them. If alcohol is a pathway to death and I cannot stomach other forms of suicide then what motivation do I have to quit? My life will get better after the fact? I was massively depressed and suicidal from age 10 forward, a decade before alcohol became a life-altering problem. At this point I feel like escape is impossible unless I accept alcohol as my killer. It's doing me a favor albeit slowly. 

Somehow, death by accepting the status quo is more appealing than taking myself out. 

My life has been relatively privileged. No trauma or extreme hardships except those self-inflicted. I've spent my whole life trying to be better and nothing works. If I'm doomed to prolonged self-torture, why stop drinking only to prolong it? 

Anyone else here passively suicidal? Anyone else recovered from a situation like this? ",3.805615384615386,6.366246792307693,5.212923076923076,76.21207692307692,75.30769230769229,8.313846153846155,30.784615384615392,9.065960079200117,3.2156107692307696,1106,53,183,27,25,369,157,260,0.28,0.547,0.174,-0.9903,3,0,8,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,2,7,4,20,0,2,13,0,20,15,1,1,2,36,35,15,6,8,9,0,2,2,2,1,11,1,0,0,10,9,8,3,5,3,1,2,7,8,0,2,6,3,21,12,32,26,4,18,1,4,0,0,8,5,0,6,15,118,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985529793357933,0.4813696377920044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597965399210054,0.18460633694295348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983048353371376,0.0,0.07665606551968226,0.1014954302593332,0.0,0.15934648360660256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759044854692937,0.0,0.09349445331298477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647482755028598,0.0,0.0,0.1505096339115874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608048854892647,0.0,0.0,0.08492452566827917,0.0,0.0910997999822966,0.06435704893595565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959977947461285,0.0,0.04706591884880061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038236456947805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343164870011913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545200123944077,0.08802238106424706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833888811047477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679720461099171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643939935869124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702805729489734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515984919554623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861995898640932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581694325867343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163954941547394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795750003694792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101259797348821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259463588169561,0.0,0.0941768507052853,0.0,0.2956165157134202,0.10222787799676962,0.08490445132004118,0.0,0.13546606364103114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611620933638125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432991396382259,0.2125388817427163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128808835940231,0.10057716505880454,0.0,0.08683913946855239,0.0,0.06558326569145169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204825248972205
suicidewatch,MagikBiscuit,2018/01/23,"How do you deal with everything in this sub? This is a serious question and not a random complaint or rant. I myself suffer from extreme mental health issues and I have to keep walls up so inherently I came here by accident but good god. Even though I didn't mean to come here, and as much as I support this place I've never seen such a concentrated window into the atrocities humans create. One of my own issues is misanthropy and I spend all my time reading on the internet so I by no means am naive to what humans have done but this has floored me. How do you people deal with it? ",3.0184615384615374,4.888241829059833,4.403769230769231,84.3287307692308,75.15384615384616,7.4150427350427375,23.66581196581196,8.238735603445708,1.412949401709402,462,14,91,8,10,153,84,117,0.107,0.774,0.119,0.5403,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,2,2,22,17,14,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,9,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,4,1,13,2,15,13,3,11,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,3,2,72,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111292947317314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590012709324712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805924053077717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888917351634899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191484033883185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589063124006334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548188402680509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620230842281336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853118420138943,0.0,0.1640651916387196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40212838144034996,0.0,0.0,0.18601550149742405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568919767700288,0.0,0.14236121623227616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250777148076953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796609637845638,0.0,0.19284917290976544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067743721983198,0.0,0.18463220822691911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094617585786201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813511309624512,0.0,0.10763139880491454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mxcaguamaxm,2018/01/23,"The reason why I didn't commit suicide 6 years ago is now dead... A year ago the person who help me through the darkest days of my life died. She was defeated by cancer, and now is her anniversary.

We lose contact for years, and when I finally now bout her again I discovered she has been sick, and my world starts to fall apart. After two months of knowing about her cancer, she died, and so a part of me. Today, I couldn't bring my self out of bed because miss her a lot.

I was fine, but her anniversary made me sad. I don't exactly want to commit suicide, not anymore, and that's because of her.



",3.1840072859744986,4.282848803278688,4.204863387978143,89.05971766848816,73.2622950819672,7.38943533697632,25.850637522768675,7.793537801064563,1.2574724954462655,462,15,100,6,9,150,79,122,0.221,0.6990000000000001,0.08,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,4,19.0,1,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,6,0,9,4,0,2,3,18,15,8,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,5,0,22,1,13,9,2,21,0,4,0,0,15,3,0,1,16,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114200092865179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420529613743574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415867880463624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328472265837967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646100418182057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242448874345774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773969305461399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653691042006286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407226989716888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651610064541095,0.0,0.1493379449985716,0.0,0.16621161865658507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020834724618095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022023511753772,0.0,0.0,0.15337757959755366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060543186251515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832493520206486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433146582388414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384282155561318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166503016272965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715921063317885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360749730893913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850380555103688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393535126124774
suicidewatch,kronkoft,2018/01/23,"Can someone suggest an online suicide help site that isn't US only ? I am feeling so bad. So I decided to try the Lifeline Chat that is I think the official Suicide Preventation Line. But it is US only. And there isn't any online depression help in my country. So if you know one, I would appriciate it if you told me.",1.4662723214285691,3.839382546875002,4.016339285714288,82.55187500000002,82.90625,6.7821428571428575,27.892857142857146,7.957251820313856,2.144779464285714,249,12,48,5,7,87,45,64,0.181,0.6859999999999999,0.133,-0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,2,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,11,7,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,10,0,2,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,2,0,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979376318829926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839194536849398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897215336919517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113770708595507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952898205541127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105674057416654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926325319765255,0.33505635907095666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866373079181117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818876532369316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114258096862906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104810916072624,0.0,0.14955147668433047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529924610445074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647621437928666,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EpiCProCool,2018/01/23,"I think my mate might be scuicidal My mate Rainbow Jeremy will reject anything to do with techmology (check out his website if you don't believe me) he just sit at his home, smoke his homegrown, and check this, he don't have a telly.

Recently, he has stopped going to the Staines meetings, and I think something is wrong. What should I do?!",3.3338974358974376,5.6206811846153855,3.7026923076923097,87.81147435897438,75.61538461538461,6.17948717948718,29.294871794871803,7.1686216300943375,1.6581794871794868,267,12,51,3,6,83,49,65,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.7901,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,0,11,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,5,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,2,2,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669137804158467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654332505844041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433652360939234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253511619588165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440858554084843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202581351200886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497017549938911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711725120668597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41566289519167343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546276236808113,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iPhone_Answers,2018/01/23,"I want to do it, but can’t bring myself to From the start, I’ve generally been a logical thinker. I logic my way through everything and even try to plan every possible outcome of a situation. However, if something that happens either isn’t in that set of solutions or isn’t acceptable to me based on my solutions, I become very suicidal. 

Well, that happened to me yesterday. Instead this time, I see no possible outcomes that are acceptable to me. all either too stressful or too painful. Out of desperation, I feel like I need to commit suicide. I just can’t get myself to. I have plenty of meds, I have a high place, I’m walking distance to a relatively busy highway. I could make a lot happen. But I don’t. And I don’t know why. 

Someone coax me please. I need it to end",2.3252941176470543,4.587303882352941,4.506954248366019,80.91729411764706,78.80392156862743,8.00156862745098,29.807843137254906,8.841846274778883,2.7914203921568634,606,30,116,15,15,209,95,153,0.172,0.6859999999999999,0.142,-0.8962,1,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,1,2,27,26,7,2,5,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,2,1,0,1,2,21,4,19,24,4,13,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,5,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178404590801588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418772240501355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776414671584258,0.0,0.0,0.1027341001327706,0.0,0.131050940527058,0.0,0.1397912237225548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786467669595443,0.11111931817311753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126433542461722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41263613634002455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433878455678935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548187873269138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599002074789761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223634409895302,0.0,0.0,0.10382556969607053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277222552027655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066501509819126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550777710054887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250840492569082,0.17073853406205045,0.0,0.3507007284971337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394692770378662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483585443680447,0.0,0.0,0.13179032945032554,0.11974391937626568,0.0,0.0,0.11009350970492872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817296743235894,0.0,0.0,0.34027565702996554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069785820596518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560288616388656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833853472283685,0.0917427694984504,0.12346209115118573,0.0,0.0,0.13985104141616242,0.0,0.14035256593386847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kawaiiskyy,2018/01/23,"Don’t know where to turn. I’ve been suicidal since I was 11. It’s scary to think back on me just beginning 7th grade wondering if I could pry the bars off my 5th story window or if I could get skinny enough to shimmy through them. I look at seventh graders and I can’t believe I felt like that so young. So precious faced. So innocent to what I am now.  Now I’m 20 and killing myself is hard. I yearn to not exist so bad. Today was very hard. I am five weeks pregnant and my fiancé left me. Today was hard. What should’ve been my father in law pushed me to the ground and kicked my stomach. Today sucked ass man. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I barely drank any water, I definitely haven’t brushed my teeth in god knows how long. I don’t think I’ve showered in three days. It hurts even more because no one around me notices. Not even my fiancé ( well I guess ex) and I can’t kill myself because I have a baby in me but the baby could die because of the trauma. I can’t run to my parents. They don’t care. I have no where to go. Tomorrow night I will not have a mattress or a couch. I wish I could call my mom and Dad. I wish I had a friend who I could call at 2 in the morning and say, “hey I really might kill myself but I probably won’t if you come over” I don’t even think I can raise a baby on my own. I’m sorry I ramble and go in eight different directions with my thoughts. It’s hard to keep everything together. I couldn’t find any razors around my house so it made me cry harder. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it together. I miss my mom and Dad. I wish I wasn’t a fuck up child and they loved me. Or they cared enough to answer when I called at 2am. I wish I had something to hold on to but all I can hold on to is the hope that I die. It’s so disgraceful to see myself like this. Do you ever wish you didn’t have to do it? I’m so tired of this life. Constant struggle. In and out of homelessness. No college. I wish someone just saw how tired I was.... I don’t know if I can keep doing it... ",-0.1988909608401208,1.6201329390519206,2.0168853665717954,97.75536828933164,85.2979683972912,5.2065757189125526,17.982579252134656,6.391308007922933,-0.3460554126999704,1544,37,382,15,46,520,200,443,0.172,0.701,0.127,-0.9607,3,1,1,0,0,3,49.0,0,3,4,0,26,20,5,1,12,0,45,13,5,4,2,73,88,32,6,19,15,7,5,2,1,3,3,1,5,2,15,17,4,5,12,1,0,5,21,11,1,4,16,10,74,9,43,63,6,46,0,3,3,3,24,25,3,11,18,249,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602806428780199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570739067343986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429112539310493,0.058952484890954386,0.12912102542019907,0.0,0.0,0.07954800652119869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628774780252324,0.0,0.14397363883818384,0.0,0.0,0.060820222977505015,0.0,0.07629925740752902,0.0,0.2818629752271893,0.0,0.07755661796333001,0.045534584093559136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655432984192526,0.0737675216595016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590831899924067,0.0,0.13990242461943256,0.06386654537090519,0.0,0.0,0.06345550021537115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779217025189535,0.0,0.06453197446514114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454948757174585,0.06527347162722498,0.07377672098032834,0.0,0.0802532498546581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777970937716415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529939588280849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012700422703322,0.0,0.08146904840293885,0.07558444493944268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827173166216898,0.2343429443053234,0.0,0.15521132814741753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671287619837629,0.0,0.04987061869187975,0.06898837637339125,0.0,0.0,0.06248347777076961,0.059290678226306036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372404913542251,0.06680845174391238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490107653344033,0.0,0.16538417210284892,0.0,0.0,0.05190302700070252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625830075495047,0.0,0.0,0.08038461371299219,0.0,0.0,0.04784398551978654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839884148141123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612446625783797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523156971224384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614817661757551,0.0,0.0,0.05626329098607938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840544227176106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982365027018258,0.05435541731039326,0.0,0.07903686430709582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381200035221377,0.0,0.07723074973148936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572309571357888,0.0,0.0560527296659124,0.0,0.16230083539281567,0.20077673542554472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679830275020268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058256775360293375,0.04164484131866409,0.0,0.056635321053165225,0.0,0.06348265329099723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871557340037306,0.0,0.07656844716859257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angryjoe2,2018/01/23,"I feel like I'm out of options and motivation Just long story short: for the past 4-5 years I've been cutting myself because I always figured if I liked the pain then no one could ever hurt me, right? The fucked up thing is that it worked for a little while too. (Huge shoutout to the reddit admins for banning selfharmpics, thanks a lot of taking away that community. Glad that's taken away but the_donald get's to stay, quality work lads well done). 

But now here I am, feeling a constant state of numbness and the couple times I've tried to branch out like a normal human being I get deflected. It's not their fault. 

I'm just so tired of waking up, every single god damn day, and feeling like this. No matter how hard I've tried to undo this it feels pointless. I know if I kill myself I'll never have to feel this way ever again. After a couple months everyone will move on from my death and thing's will be fine. ",2.7584391891891897,4.6193894756756775,3.7809966216216218,88.54879222972973,75.86486486486487,5.922297297297297,21.29222972972973,6.6274283507984215,0.38479054054054096,723,18,145,6,16,233,123,185,0.184,0.6659999999999999,0.151,-0.9131,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,3,11,16,4,0,10,0,10,5,1,2,3,32,24,12,2,5,7,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,3,6,12,8,21,16,2,30,0,1,0,1,2,11,2,4,19,92,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100737623837913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068519982933113,0.0,0.0,0.0813251819677945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416825545990902,0.0,0.1065166157521046,0.2952301086977729,0.0,0.08603807920171397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365242188732496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413530286198029,0.1124032424924238,0.12747847719288616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33727921303905395,0.1906155212007332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233349163812478,0.13940189614790205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950869158309105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281760972616914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759782557858944,0.0,0.0733183623502101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260708536536346,0.1337113488968022,0.0,0.11806319342225945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341997083185595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064861757351534,0.1417931663336391,0.0,0.0,0.10289361695542276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071296684917422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040171767066424,0.0,0.14195709492045916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735444617067246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393096869467036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421967571202091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030732745236387,0.0,0.0,0.12282552690040052,0.0,0.0,0.17726266371385124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779214180735829,0.15333457423636196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115256210508998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058942371147895,0.0,0.0,0.1199511461565838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942473835968251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591133240910559
suicidewatch,XxIntrepidusxX,2018/01/23,"I don't get it I don't understand why I never see the point in life. I havnt for years. I'm only 20, and decided years ago I would kill myself at 25. I'm in and out of depression. I fight it so hard but it always comes back. As I'm typing this I'm already trying to decide if I'll end it tonight just so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. My bf tells me I'm just negative and it's all in my head. I'm sure that's common with people who don't understand it. Heck, sometimes even I don't understand it. He told me I can't cut, I can't smoke, and I can only drink on his terms. I have no way out, I'm stuck in my own head.",-1.1255180180180204,0.3894583851351392,2.051243243243245,97.9297927927928,86.77027027027027,5.568288288288289,16.623423423423425,6.742157984588678,-0.4146852252252247,483,10,129,6,15,173,84,148,0.177,0.7859999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9607,0,0,2,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,0,11,5,3,0,3,22,26,9,1,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,9,1,0,5,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,2,2,19,1,15,23,3,20,0,1,1,0,8,9,2,1,9,74,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141317371541336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759253787985028,0.0,0.13265130010428336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810310079384005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258514616921101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732734161904736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435636946421914,0.13730933988231447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561721905426354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411999610667223,0.0,0.0,0.10529627108926007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329105410667395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281017937236792,0.0,0.32722451226786753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637605823166894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260398523014364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295554155121123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24249417866347586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052266268037364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070466657304382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703814296627805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364368279391475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767175104263165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025269710580028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934125088821306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233389264725405,0.0,0.10823660415529247,0.0,0.0,0.4978896150460193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265412146726475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385293501910684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132483239282122,0.0,0.0,0.2053241923903617
suicidewatch,tibinthomas22,2018/01/23,"Please help me end it Hey Guys,

I don’t want to get into details of why I am in this situation, I just want to get it over with. I just completed my 3rd attempt on life, thinking 3rd time would be the charm. Though I planned it so carefully, I fucked it up really big time. I planned to hang myself after a drink and a shot of morphine, to make the hanging less painful. The only thing I remember is taking a 5 shots of vodka and injecting with morphine, after that I woke up tied to the hospital bed. I was in the psychiatric ward for 2 days, the way doctor talked to me, gave me more motivation to finish what I started and now I am hell bent on doing that. Got a new perspective on how to finish the job. If you cant do it yourself seek help and do it. I am from India, the southern part to be specific. I just registered for organ donation and got my organ donation card. So I want someone who can help me die, so that that person will be able to take me to the hospital in a brain dead condition, so that I can donate my organs. Just think about it, isn’t better that around 6 people can benefit, rather than me living a worthless life.
One way or the other, I will kill myself, but its up to someone, to help other suffering by making my death meaningful or I die in vain, the choice is up to guys and of course I can make you worthwhile for your troubles/help. If you want to know more about what happened to me, then you can follow this link.
https://tibinthomas22.deviantart.com/journal/A-new-beginning-340436341
https://tibinthomas22.deviantart.com/art/Go-away-love-716264711",6.255076571026232,7.057705157190636,6.0176025347650075,79.94839288857597,65.98996655518394,9.104101390600249,28.44587220559761,9.134995656068208,2.1607150501672243,1258,38,238,21,19,392,157,299,0.117,0.782,0.101,-0.9331,1,0,2,0,0,2,53.0,0,5,0,5,15,11,3,0,17,0,23,7,1,5,0,36,46,18,5,8,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,22,10,1,0,7,2,3,3,3,7,0,1,5,0,37,4,46,35,4,33,1,2,0,1,16,16,2,4,12,174,59,3,0.1133687232565754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092219926344692,0.0,0.0,0.1065136473697156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026542290886603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126556988442193,0.0,0.0,0.11558696898941152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886494940429775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311344774001913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353176722544563,0.0,0.0,0.11603769209722975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110581888677348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041103918551862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480755785143507,0.11846095756012845,0.0,0.06443005800996449,0.0,0.18134264883649354,0.0,0.0,0.22450571965857916,0.10025158756983146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799433274437934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250096475118146,0.0,0.12542569530963776,0.0,0.062304485453565116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015136389515974,0.0,0.0,0.10010665964684984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231969894953212,0.0,0.22702350928898216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898443873285933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682158088427432,0.08622202262694878,0.12063231463429933,0.0,0.0,0.12276727958543927,0.0,0.07859559825262824,0.0989891963121372,0.0,0.12444481414706884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262690709022973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842466353788554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743119490369378,0.0,0.0,0.192113902639768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024296582662037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047834195450734,0.09112148542272264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531714224648255,0.1452842004688036,0.11138419499513784,0.0,0.13221242843606254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26747124103625863,0.17997363128271976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229763936216572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053388829389703,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allianaalliana,2018/01/23,"Tomorrow morning I will do it. I’m so tired. I’ve been battling depression, anxiety, and ptsd for over 6 years. I’ve reached out, I even told my doctor I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and he just said “oh god” and upped my medicine. My life is just miserable and I’m dragging the few people that I have left down with it.

Should I leave a note? How many pills should I take?",0.05363636363636458,2.4227818961038987,1.3919480519480525,97.55077922077923,93.67532467532469,5.397402597402598,21.285714285714285,6.980632752743323,0.6018935064935071,294,11,66,5,11,93,56,77,0.256,0.7,0.044,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,9,4,0,1,0,12,15,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,8,0,6,7,1,7,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137007988408204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267194448262756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26942685881828576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738608032351984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787223554897726,0.2859999526944467,0.0,0.1859269954868709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26687370612301065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249040265645824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077015549938697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503918230151858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28793068210145045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979160535650168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089750616492316,0.0,0.3025439375039164,0.0,0.25152735858181263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695113637136566
suicidewatch,NoGrandmother,2018/01/23,"16 and hate myself Hello guys, i’m 16 and i don’t like my everyday life. Is it normal at my age to hate myself for being me?  I only have 1 friend, but he is gay and much older then me. I’m okay with that , but sometimes is just weird uknow?  It’s just really getting worse for me, my gf left me for another guy. My mom is going to marry another guy (i hate him), my sister died 4 years ago and i just wanna END it. Only thing helping me is old School Runescape.

Please don’t be rude. ",-0.92896703296703,1.0874881619047656,1.944761904761908,95.50549450549454,91.1904761904762,4.754578754578755,14.743589743589745,6.297961479604792,-0.6010146520146518,367,7,86,4,13,128,67,105,0.213,0.688,0.099,-0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,0,12,17,7,1,2,5,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,17,3,8,15,1,11,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,9,51,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401560093064521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33158668828731475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640944283939133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003956372447482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215629510122865,0.0,0.08260655874925169,0.0,0.08985821965040773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469664739400052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683061294761915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597858212969813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178824513480132,0.0,0.11167859287025632,0.07724512949584153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851778873806698,0.0,0.0,0.11622989995287936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491537308587466,0.0,0.0,0.16591107218266038,0.0,0.0,0.24050133391829484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735585810314195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012900619899227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001694174860662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637598665661373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050420334927953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112878657732746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018184074103224
suicidewatch,hueofthemew,2018/01/23,"I don't want to live, but I don't want to kill myself. Rolling anxiety attacks for months.

Can't sleep through the night anymore.

Taking my own life feels too selfish.

But thoughts of getting shot while walking streets

Cars losing control and running into me on the sidewalk

Losing my balance and falling off the subway platform

Scaffolding plummeting towards me

Sidewalk cellar doors giving way

All consume me, invade the crevices of my flesh, bones.

The pleasures that used to ease them

The most delicious bites of good food

Puppies going for their first walk

Strolling through parks and by the water at sunset

Performing, singing, writing, fucking

Don't shine as brightly in my soul anymore.

I used to be so good at keeping everything at bay.

I used to be so good at telling myself I'm not alone.

I used to be so good at diverting these thoughts

Focusing on the silver linings of the black holes

Hoping and keeping faith that light will stay

Believing the best in each human I meet.

But thoughts like, why isn't kindness second nature for all

Why can't the good people I know catch a break

Why can't the good humans I love core their passions 

Why is it so hard for all to take that extra second

Why.

Why. 

Why. 

Where did the clouds go.

What is this absence of sun.

When did the warmth leave.

How did this happen.

Who is there.

How can I die

When there is so much that would be affected

What can I do

Where can I turn without yearning to sleep forever

Why.

Why.

Why.

Now the black holes seem more enticing than the lining

Because those lines don't glimmer as brightly anymore.

I'm tired. I'm always tired. This can't be age. 

I feel like I'm victimizing myself.

This isn't that important. 

The world is important. We as a whole are important.

So why would it matter if my speck just disappeared.

I'm being selfish.",2.8728779499961057,5.529614832853032,3.1321208816886066,89.31075862606123,79.34582132564842,5.711005530025703,26.95762909883947,7.001395882987947,1.3861196199080927,1445,61,269,17,37,443,186,347,0.159,0.649,0.192,0.9751,0,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,3,6,17,26,4,0,19,0,32,12,4,8,3,43,63,22,2,7,7,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,1,2,16,7,2,3,7,1,0,9,12,9,0,3,6,9,27,17,37,48,11,37,2,3,5,3,12,17,1,4,10,172,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170435259640327,0.0,0.0,0.05760727695158925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529629404053118,0.0,0.2059811499889328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876236113912992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042203702488172026,0.0,0.0,0.07800171327223639,0.07265560427287918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765052775637958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185276737317259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062222021013520784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001241789133404,0.04945996155022042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058889426457615676,0.08371663648512406,0.0,0.0,0.06400465380352988,0.03617130640816114,0.0664144578517144,0.07869324773914974,0.3484153768216345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612223802099923,0.0,0.062019034477178776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876384105112995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230746754704775,0.07659589032443488,0.07209535896595345,0.03804856351595541,0.0,0.0,0.0733075912366456,0.0,0.0,0.04890120909411343,0.06764734640534778,0.0,0.061133874555180164,0.0,0.0,0.15490769913350902,0.0,0.0,0.0624853497476712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552609999890234,0.0,0.05089411045129148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497033933862269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799734064762305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302698602420134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856569736722207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379300589405018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410897345079798,0.0,0.06051256206601607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648894474694924,0.0,0.15914595198285902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530545959463276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391798128474602,0.0,0.0,0.08167065684896989,0.05495381344703705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6871906605945717,0.07729600407235916,0.0,0.06673799638393957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836205986231647,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sah-Yoh-Rie,2018/01/23,"I'm physically surrounded with people but emotionally alone Haha! Hello, reddit; I'm a long-time reader but not user.

You see, I have an emotionally neglectful upbringing. My grandparents were my guardians  as my parents were only college students. They fed, clothe, bathe and gave me things but didn't give emotional support.  It made me feel like I'm weak for showing emotions.

parents needs to work right now, and they're super far away. I'm left with my grandparents again. They restrain my freedom in internet and punish me for staying up late for assignments.

They keep telling my parents I just lie about my assignments to stay up late, and that I probably spend my lunch money for nothing but toys. They belittle my interest in art. They only mind me if I did something wrong.

I've been depressed since 2015

1'm 14 years old and I already attempted cutting my wrists and suffocating myself. I'm on my school's computers. I may replyon thursday and friday this week.

Please talk me through another week.

Please convince me to go froward.

I just want to live. i FEEL EMPTY. I'm missing something.",3.829375848032569,6.791177457711445,4.3522862957937605,80.13174016282227,77.90547263681592,7.634644957033018,31.026910900045234,8.575989854853784,3.0256845771144283,883,44,147,20,22,279,130,201,0.173,0.6890000000000001,0.139,-0.7811,5,1,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,5,3,5,13,2,0,2,1,7,4,1,1,0,27,26,13,0,3,8,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,9,2,3,2,4,2,1,2,7,0,0,8,3,32,6,19,17,0,22,0,3,1,0,14,10,0,2,10,81,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619754950717412,0.1238071656407528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764357292904662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540850607486396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663119842591356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048056516900602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345575407166175,0.08015031337362559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762522740640172,0.06376155853130759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972181031014246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25311595548680993,0.0,0.1218974323080031,0.0,0.0,0.054811567208534,0.0,0.09906799459126893,0.09928679355255643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615921508400468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328239863729535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318928494345627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076516879032405,0.0,0.11772711034252832,0.0,0.0,0.17065483757800365,0.0,0.0,0.3737293377369861,0.0,0.0,0.07778012302135524,0.0,0.0,0.2463072530503965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096244375783265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581174488117636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354475569401427,0.08940286226090237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280675941976567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274246855333433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391644619935441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731467014771972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017604679700994,0.09806115210395956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453568291087379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617401767718929,0.0,0.179988042593203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816774445712478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226648389662398,0.0,0.07224826364149244
suicidewatch,humanalienzel,2018/01/23,I'm drowing in a little fucking puddle I cant do the smallest tasks I cant concentrate on anything  I can't speak up for myself I can't get up in the morning I can't make a friend I can't defend myself I cant make anyone proud I only cause embaressment and pity. I hate this. I selfharmed again after telling myself I wouldn't. I didnt do anything in terms of academics even though I said to my self I would. No friends. On top of that im a tranny. Im afraid I might do something fatal to myself one day on impulse. I just want this all to end I have no future but in a grave. I bet the maggots and worms won't even want a tranny. Just a rant. I hate myself just end it please. I hate this fuck. All I can do is cry and be a burden to others and myself. I was so hapoy a few hours ago what the fuck happend. I cant be happy for a day I know ill crash down hard afterwards.  ,-1.0395000000000003,0.9411680820512842,1.6782371794871798,97.50197115384616,91.25641025641023,3.8653846153846163,16.842948717948715,5.148860815047168,-0.7879358974358976,676,17,161,3,24,233,101,195,0.311,0.643,0.047,-0.9945,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,8,15,6,1,13,0,23,4,0,3,2,20,37,7,2,4,4,0,1,0,2,4,1,2,0,1,7,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,11,0,1,3,3,31,4,19,28,4,23,0,2,0,3,6,12,3,2,11,112,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227409266137691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681799370615253,0.0,0.22788990286151894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224176486590934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209737331720255,0.17859702544007766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24527789995143254,0.0,0.0,0.1829097405578341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395553321793384,0.38402616730231626,0.07234228211427213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739863763507902,0.12403750193525075,0.4101167588550151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636019846731887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991320642743613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760967791667323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877837233303528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848530136715515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688955370325033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382751230883303,0.10530892226117368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199306232377638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317119860637991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444492620748304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659717269234373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102457088609432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360412244400335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334056701068014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836161021675363,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway77698,2018/01/23,"Just Need Advice..to start with, I guess Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. First one i came across.

Throwaway obviously, and trying be brief. Would rather shower and try to fall asleep but have the feeling, not that it's uncommon, that i won't be able to. 

What are some resources for people places or practices i can look to in order to... not be drastic i guess.

I've been in psych wards, I've driven myself to a  hospital ER saying i wanted to do it (and laughed out and not held, voluntarily and alone..that is a great feeling. Hope that's illegal) and dealt with depression for roughly 20 years. I've been on pretty much all the pills but lithium. 

Without getting into diagnosis and reasons, i guess.. could really use general advice. Hell, specific. Anything. Anything is better than this. I can get more specific after i shower..if i have to.

Thank you in advance. If nothing else, typing this is distracting.

Edit: Without commentary, i just realized after quick perusing what the sub i posted into was made of.. thank you for reading and or responding.. will reply with more specific details if need be. 31 year old male dealing with depression/CFS for 18 years.

Not going to edit for sake of being lazy but this is a response to someone else in this forum. If it helps explain anything. 

""I guess the tldr now that i have a bit more time is that it took so much humiliation and swallowing my pride and trial by fire and much more to even remotely figure out what the hell would help.

Not sure i want to admit openly to committing a felony, but that is literally what it took to improve my quality of life. Once you swallow your pride, AND find the right therapist, it's a step forward. 
 
Unfortunately mine moved away.. and not  going to be an internet lawyer at the moment, but you just get to the point you don't fucking care.

Everyone tells you you're depressed, therefore you're tired. It took me doing what i did to have someone say, well,  maybe you're just constantly tired, therefore you're miserable.

Not sure it's the right answer, but it's like one of those Lupus diagnoses on House. It's basically an elimination of all other possibilities..ie fibryomyalgia. (Not a doctor, feel free to chastise me if I'm wrong)

But it's the best I've got for now. """,3.1847849994501267,5.622724127020788,4.427481029363246,81.68214973056197,76.78290993071593,7.357065874848787,25.782964918068853,8.344100000000001,1.9427015726382928,1789,67,328,35,42,587,222,433,0.152,0.7090000000000001,0.139,-0.8502,2,1,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,7,0,7,11,24,3,2,20,0,32,10,1,5,6,87,67,28,0,14,29,0,5,1,0,4,6,2,1,1,30,23,2,1,10,1,1,13,12,9,2,3,12,8,29,16,52,44,12,48,2,3,1,1,17,20,3,13,16,223,59,7,0.0839613667015546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204607580841812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727915246990133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888446785529157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811227434860197,0.07425700579943229,0.09166406663477483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960294359432722,0.08560420908399281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907324095824026,0.0,0.06703631931260279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656048233806267,0.14463160422050633,0.08521901982919335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593801656677398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027789638377786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055455690847868284,0.0,0.0,0.08022868396865884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127360169283313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673916807681226,0.07141749562465828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762093058014878,0.13159904617184215,0.0,0.0954343591738968,0.0,0.06715157496805,0.09256770319812688,0.3699716452397723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255506854080033,0.0,0.0,0.08339258187441015,0.0,0.09688014430471532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059304396333914426,0.04101928271793253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050640181875213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944627527392796,0.0,0.0,0.08435047802642319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923764529665898,0.1851637957329402,0.12451257907717647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056319580072388,0.0,0.0881033305311791,0.0894161153345804,0.11378879002844534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058208239948880615,0.0,0.17544351587432871,0.0,0.07937063024502701,0.0,0.08041178023466843,0.08541889459167402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398408783979693,0.0,0.05378780146268285,0.0863262687150755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340509681202798,0.0,0.13353889752715295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228038708258778,0.0,0.0,0.09398787600405348,0.05942828749814313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826518894851033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338593524419837,0.15460069178683508,0.0,0.09748561806227804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048958548123101714,0.19300247961487946,0.0,0.0,0.2798525032342631,0.1140085132429959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251566310394526,0.0,0.0,0.09904517888915487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549135201947645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187152266388166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928749187097758,0.1835971480239831,0.0,0.16220510212278794
suicidewatch,bwalk2121,2018/01/23,I’m tired of everything Nothing makes me happy except drugs. I haven’t dated someone in 5 years and I feel like that’s the only thing that’ll make me happy but whenever I start to talk to someone the emotions eat me alive and I can’t talk to girls anymore because of the crazy emotions it brings me if my new job doesn’t work out I’m done ,5.244589041095889,4.486461095890412,5.913801369863018,85.16878424657534,68.17808219178083,8.395890410958902,30.578767123287676,7.1686216300943375,1.6627013698630129,272,9,59,2,4,89,51,73,0.131,0.795,0.07400000000000001,-0.4401,1,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,2,0,9,12,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,9,3,8,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,32,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087302323930027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117781303781143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186639165308406,0.0,0.0,0.2115041496306347,0.1866213754365415,0.0,0.4103083323987305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639123539223778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922173535465206,0.1302930793720966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882961001930246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098507917457746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910218283888262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434815730634308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614478271241107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749995642703575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387090290847186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090617929961382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909026651863706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931820058647697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116588495779458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962022111962314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277559775497386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174474353613038
suicidewatch,snootled,2018/01/23,"Does anyone else write fake goodbye notes to the people in their life to cope with suicidal thoughts? Life has been really hard lately. I don't think I've felt this miserable in quite a few years.

Maybe it's really strange, but a couple of times now, I've started writing out suicide notes to everyone in my life when I feel like ending it all. Something about addressing each individual person in my life and thinking about what I would want my last words to be for them kind of takes me out of what I'm feeling and reminds me of what I do have, as well as the unfinished business I have. I guess. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever actually write all of them out and then use them for real. I don't think I want to. But life is so fucking hard.

Has anyone else ever done this? I can't imagine it's a perfectly healthy thing to do but it has kinda helped me.",4.136466666666672,4.984175822857146,5.0666428571428614,84.71177380952379,70.77142857142857,8.119047619047619,27.72619047619048,8.344100000000001,1.7389904761904766,679,23,141,10,12,222,101,175,0.132,0.7879999999999999,0.08,-0.8798,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,4,2,8,7,1,1,5,0,16,6,0,1,5,38,32,12,2,5,4,0,5,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,9,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,5,21,4,25,25,4,18,0,1,0,1,9,7,1,4,12,95,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.11901820345983626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055860011703147,0.24993082139833064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494963635755775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673056144037336,0.1248103980465299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376871701597854,0.0,0.10802293471999302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206448630168684,0.0,0.1165407838412992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333622028281142,0.0871303248290249,0.11710351665317943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275274184773378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435589181589222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185096166761981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174916541183856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700559904379227,0.0,0.09941604703377964,0.13757947095083914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43073003894027295,0.059584915569887376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252813258694127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455372285945739,0.10649330569574207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972256385715356,0.0,0.1388204887646526,0.1562651219857976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389300405263533,0.12062443318958742,0.0,0.08632597301590086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668152488322541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170092727603353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102673576713257,0.23444671766754346,0.0,0.09682492443446768,0.07111755162563986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533679228998367,0.0,0.0,0.14387376449990102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096593001703241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226356959511387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327789909326025,0.0,0.0,0.07854011312559278
suicidewatch,sarahbagel47,2018/01/23,"Why I wanna kill myself... I have lost everyone that has ever meant anything to me, all in the same day. I’m constantly alone, so no one would even notice. I don’t have anyone left in this shitty world where terrible thing happen every second, 24/7. At this point I just use up resource that could be use for someone who really deserve it and that could contribute to the world. 

I’m not contributing to society anymore. I quit my job because I couldn’t stand being around the people what were once the closed people in my life. So I just mooch. Off everyone and everything. So why be around if I don’t add anything to the world? 

I have so many different mental health problems I can barely count them. No one else is gonna wanna deal with that or even try to help me deal with that. Like my mom always told me, no one likes negative people and all I am is negative. I can’t see the positives anymore or even believe there are any positives for me anymore. I think it’s just my time now. I don’t know if this even makes sense anymore, I have so many emotions going on and I’m kinda tipsy now. 

I have tried and failed before and it was just a nuisance to the people around me. It never felt like they didn’t want to help or rush me to the hospital because they genuinely cared for me but because they felt like they had too. Basically it didn’t feel like they cared like I was once their best friend. It felt like they were doing it out of obligation, because someone else told them too. Someone else did tell them too. So obviously the obligation was there. 

I’m just so scared, confused and tired of everything. I just have no one else to tell these things to, so here I am. Telling all my problems to the internet. It just makes me feel like fool. Again. 


So peace, I wish everyone a happy and healthy life ",3.161416666666668,4.942667863888894,3.9711111111111137,87.96500000000002,74.52777777777777,7.355555555555558,24.5,8.131152278815165,1.3456500000000005,1421,45,291,23,30,454,168,360,0.16399999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.117,-0.9144,2,1,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,10,4,34,23,1,2,12,0,34,4,0,4,6,61,61,23,1,12,14,1,5,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,21,16,0,0,8,0,0,2,15,10,0,5,16,6,44,13,31,37,5,29,0,2,1,0,22,18,0,7,16,205,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490132092470136,0.0,0.0,0.06017572130991632,0.0,0.0,0.049179824868419056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868865400979668,0.05056756323566488,0.0,0.1190257785003768,0.19313939639948605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634148833725075,0.0,0.06153867418633905,0.08147945204059168,0.07589498455208145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746935484422366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815182248486394,0.0,0.115482671540849,0.0,0.0,0.04664017519849136,0.14911671542779148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555861555885658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165506696432745,0.08134984404190418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910657206995927,0.06541724108649011,0.06093240308671044,0.20731350230542986,0.12999243130328486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313395060840641,0.10333030893810136,0.2083145433680328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587396279071384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041100909429400125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395200544789156,0.07698558546962593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687237943621418,0.0,0.0,0.0969486402582916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717660685986552,0.0,0.08001094989304043,0.0,0.03974497451602975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857548404353476,0.0,0.10216297960544844,0.28265372571346825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894541357230933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654782236564144,0.14664149724186148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288117212827339,0.0,0.0,0.08469987060917727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577735307591312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233637226451188,0.0,0.15403608049376802,0.1960225978787465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005492880252381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836542128628949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840022807537578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692082306536414,0.0,0.0,0.046329803552114406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240456077194049,0.0,0.057629377781131974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382855044080187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896316193018636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960918905730357,0.04633949548879508,0.0,0.0,0.04217015485032813,0.08312077016042373,0.0,0.13820900153695326,0.0,0.09820055622613982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249218720489239,0.0,0.0,0.04265598849492086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130514425723955,0.0,0.08316399953713986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051373786567955215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw9346,2018/01/23,"There is no reason for me to be alive. I feel like a useless person. I'm unemployed and living off of others. I don't have prospects for that to ever change. I have never been a functional person and I don't know how to be. 

Someone asked me recently what I was good at and I didn't have an answer for them. 

I used to want to try but I don't anymore because I know it's a waste of energy. I'm a burden to myself and others and I'm working up the courage to stop being one.",-0.1947012987012968,1.6510554000000042,2.7422510822510837,92.40350649350651,85.47619047619048,5.341991341991342,19.069264069264072,6.574015621080383,0.0773809523809521,367,10,84,4,11,130,64,105,0.152,0.7140000000000001,0.135,-0.4007,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,3,2,17,22,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,1,13,3,15,16,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,64,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707010070440576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234764031736688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457206545284454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528797207456477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162314331914313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086919818354225,0.17077501605622838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050103729032087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627476383602143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167861468796777,0.0,0.2110826228229006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436755807667304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198423601046116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174527301661781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577982913694096,0.23602978547466066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254350006783836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985375180482315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229702338638655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645960439069874,0.0,0.0,0.14099594194532278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402885055564182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeuscanon,2018/01/23,"I have the perfect life, but I still want to die. I have been depressed for so long. It seems nothing makes me happy or want to keep on living. I just want to cease to exist. 

The thing is I have everything anyone could ever want. I feel like if I took anyone else, and put them in my position, they would be so happy. I don't know why I'm not. People have all sorts of life challenges, and I have had some too, but I also have everything. Whatever I want or whatever I want to do, I can get it or do it, but I don't know what I want. I just feel like a useless lump on a log. ",1.168095238095237,2.1971502539682533,3.3716190476190446,93.33171428571433,78.20634920634922,6.627301587301588,20.536507936507935,7.1686216300943375,0.25203746031745977,436,10,107,5,10,150,71,126,0.16399999999999998,0.68,0.156,-0.8763,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,2,8,8,0,0,4,0,17,3,0,1,3,33,34,12,1,10,10,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,2,20,6,10,28,2,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,7,5,76,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355528985938927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857580300966665,0.1454931428904333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337338981538995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230217450075576,0.0,0.14737090915283738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862062828239905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844480085867369,0.0,0.0,0.2552362599610373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435963297425701,0.20288597828013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418779408915052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023177997237993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262138361600994,0.0,0.0,0.15607614298790073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200593961967934,0.13874553905150228,0.0,0.12538632821811402,0.12566325315726276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478438414039496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625035944615055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844313568915676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274663256613546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292691231126845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339932741916295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433677990538182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776436447849532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5862763240490806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813059021499776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087089696052264,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scythcycle,2018/01/23,"I couldn’t find a parking spot. It’s been a bad week in a series of bad weeks, bad months, bad years. Everything has been falling apart for so long. 

I try so damn hard, and nothing ever gets better.  And my dad set me off tonight. He called me to ask if I found a new job yet and said I wasn’t trying hard enough. It was my fault. If only I were less lazy, less useless, I’d be somewhere in life by now. 

I drove to the only all-night store in town, but the lot was full. So I went home. And now I’m here. But if I found somewhere to park, I would have bought something I could use to hurt myself. I wish that scared me as much as it should. 
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suicidewatch,incubator3000,2018/01/23,"Tried telling my husband how I’m feeling, and he fell asleep It’s fine. I don’t like me either. 


I can’t stop feeling like everything is meaningless, and I don’t want that for my children. My biggest mistake was convincing my husband to marry me. He never wanted to. He never wanted kids, and now he has two. I want to find another woman to take care of my children and husband because they deserve so much more. I’ve ruined all of their lives, the least I could do is try to fix it. 


Every day is Groundhog Day. Every few weeks or so, I’ll get the slightest glimmer of hope that I will fix this and be who I should be. “I’ll just be happy :D” 
But as soon as it’s here, it’s gone and I’m back to just wanting to die. 


I’m basically a brain dead mass that’s wasting time, space, and money. I’m always in a daze, and the only time anything is vivid is when I think about killing myself. So vivid, I can’t tell if it’s real or not. Everything else just happens I guess. I can’t drive anymore because I blackout too often and the whole point of this is giving my kids a second chance. 


I think he’s just waiting for me to do it. He’s told me his plan for the life insurance money, all things that would make him much happier than I can. Maybe he’ll have enough money left over for a live-in nanny and she’ll fall in love with him and be the perfect mother and wife they deserve. 


I know there’s something really wrong with me, there’s just nothing anyone can do to fix it.
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suicidewatch,Sadhusky,2018/01/23,"Gun or nitrogen. I haven't decided. I want to die. Everyone hates me. I have everything in life, and all I can think of is hanging myself. I walk around my house telling myself I should kill myself. Talking out loud """"No one loves you man, everyone is waiting for you to eat a bullet. They know  how sad you are and that you're going to.

Everyone else found meaningful lives. I haven't because I'm such a rotten person. My soul is rotten. No one could ever love me. And knowing this, it's clear that I wouldn't be missing anything. My future offers a bleak tundra of interpersonal relationships. I'll trudge along until I'm too weak. And then I'll just...rot. And maybe that's what I deserve. 

I don't want to exist. I never have. My family says I'm a mean spirited person. I don't have friends. I post to social media so I have something to look at later can to convince myself my life is worthwhile. It doesn't work. I dive in to hobbies to drown out the silence. The crushing silence of being alone, because everyone's abandoned your life as worth saving. Like being adrift alone at sea. People attempt a rescue, but they give up mid-effort when they get to know you. To hell with that, they say.

I'm so desperate to not feel like this. I want to feel the warmth of having friends. I want to feel like it would matter if I died in my sleep, like maybe someone would come looking. But I'm kidding myself to think as much. To think that I wouldn't just rot, discovered as a puddle of liquifacted fat by whomever bought my house out of foreclosure. After all, no one had answered the mail or noticed it pilling up. 

If I could press a button it'd have been pressed a long time ago. I'm just so starved for meaning, for feeling like I did it for a reason, like today's the day because...x


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suicidewatch,Sherman_Beardman,2018/01/23,"I’m lost. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t eat, yet I’m always hungry. I can’t sleep, yet I can’t seem to get out of bed and face the day. I don’t want to be lonely anymore, but I can’t bring myself to talk to anybody. I want to die every single day, and I tried to kill myself once, yet I’m scared of dying. I’m just stuck in this loop of suffering and there doesn’t seem to be a way out. 

I’ve been depressed for the past couple years, and it was always manageable. I’ve never really had an identity, never really fit in. I joined the Army because I was hoping it would help me become confident in myself and give me a sense of belonging. Then, two weeks before I was supposed to ship out to basic training, something came over me and I put a gun to my head. I felt ashamed of myself and I never did it again, but looking back on it, it was the first time I felt in control of my life for a very long time. 

Honestly I’m not sure why I’m writing here. I guess it just sort of feels good to say all of this to people I’m not worried about judging me. Right now I’m at a point in the Army where they want me to either quit or suck it up, and I’m not sure what the right decision is. More than anything I just want to have a sense of direction, to feel like I have a purpose in life. Have any of you felt this way? If so, how do you deal with it?",0.8950498338870432,2.096613747508308,3.1009488372093017,94.27486511627909,79.29900332225914,6.1449036544850495,20.013421926910297,6.742157984588678,0.04483218604651151,1042,24,255,10,25,357,150,301,0.158,0.7440000000000001,0.097,-0.9724,0,2,1,1,0,2,32.0,0,2,1,4,16,14,2,2,14,0,23,6,3,2,6,51,54,15,3,7,12,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,13,13,1,1,9,0,0,3,13,8,0,2,13,7,32,6,44,38,4,42,0,4,1,0,9,18,1,7,20,166,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775663975259465,0.0,0.0,0.07255986420060638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116360565148903,0.0,0.0,0.08780525700798844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204594594378767,0.0,0.0650435136812589,0.11784210043052087,0.0907940980675083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203672008774097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967346149060125,0.0,0.11806185457911195,0.0,0.1376257352582887,0.11000332606337758,0.09190081367616036,0.0,0.2214761351321283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918104660229057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989960629622804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790175725101986,0.07622671699640354,0.3073470679945852,0.0,0.0,0.09075922228745008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574650384969435,0.10235665221841732,0.0,0.08949515087138082,0.0,0.0,0.1175424120401967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950529278625956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151896321709303,0.0,0.0,0.10597747525678776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804807508634713,0.0,0.05863969546974895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073115746820984,0.05212837786744235,0.0,0.0,0.0944264095179633,0.08960138043747058,0.0,0.1164759838692694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468815520685057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363233920134097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185751155345284,0.07397255451586644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086627388004103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726327422967176,0.0,0.11348890506939928,0.0,0.0,0.1367098912278114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224294964247315,0.0,0.08485236270664794,0.10682561621910544,0.0,0.0,0.19427189493161529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677735958099896,0.0,0.0,0.08214310530698501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112754358728416,0.0,0.0,0.08576166093084835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244356081968583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724425009976837,0.0,0.10423069079511052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803892362631052,0.2517384102782049,0.16938746631442864,0.08558854612041608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628042629358316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083593359343844,0.0,0.0757968330878604,0.0,0.0,0.0687114961161689
suicidewatch,A_Throwaway_Account8,2018/01/23,"Cannot find a point in my existence Hey guys. So, I don’t know I’ve ever really struggled with depression. I think I have, but I don’t think it’s ever been severe as others have had it. I do however have panic disorder and depersonalization, that shit really sucks. I’ve gotten professional help. I’ve gotten better. 

I just wanted to talk. I don’t think I’m suicidal but I am very open to not living anymore. I am horrified of death, sudden and inexplicable death is an overwhelming fear for me and it’s a huge contributor to my anxiety. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. I have started to think that perhaps it would be better to actually die than always worrying about dying. There is just something about the idea of never existing again and the endless black abyss, it scares the shit out of me but if I went through with it I wouldn’t have to be scared. It’d be like before I was I born.

I have had 9 relationships. All of them have failed and it’s always been my fault. I’ve been cheated on and abused but it always comes back to me. I’m not emotional enough. I am a husk of a person. I have never experienced love again and I’ve never been truly happy again. I cannot return the affection of people I date and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I’ve been surrounded by death my entire life. As I grew up, every single person on my moms side of the family died. A few on my dads side too. Lost more family than anyone should. My best friend committed suicide in 7th grade, shot himself in the head. I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about it. I am now a freshman in college.

I don’t really know the point of this and I feel like it’ll just upset other people, I guess I just want to express how I’m feeling onto an open forum. I feel like I have zero purpose in life. Nothing makes me happy. I cannot experience happiness anymore. My only moments of happiness are when I’m with my friends and making other people happy. I exist for other people, but when I am alone I have no reason to exist. I have no goals in life. I have no interests besides music and art and those will never take me anywhere because I’m not good at enough at either. I’m not even studying music or art, I’m completely undecided in my major and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. 

What is the point of being conscious if we will eventually die? Why are we made aware of emotion and experiences? It’s horrible. I am so scared. I don’t think I could kill myself because of my friends and family. I know what the suicide of loved ones does to people. I want them to live their happy lives and I never would want to upset them. All I am around for is them, all I want is to make everybody happy. However, existence really is dreadful for me. I am horrified of living because I might die, what kind of backwards logic is that? If depersonalization ever returns, I easily see myself ending my life. I can’t do it again. I seem like such a crazy person. I can’t drink and I’m in college, I can’t smoke, some days I can’t even leave my dorm. There is so much that will cause a panic attack for me. I just want to go away. I want to die but have everyone think I am alive so that they wouldn’t be upset.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I cannot find a single reason for my existence. I am not a person. I am a collection of all my friends and the things that make them happy. When it comes to myself, there is nothing that makes me worthy of life.",1.2543537597002938,3.4574431966053747,3.624624221109372,86.09265635154253,82.38048090523337,6.480744676784282,20.445143162964946,7.681894048564974,0.8775156313314727,2688,77,550,47,74,928,263,707,0.302,0.601,0.097,-0.9996,2,1,3,0,1,5,75.0,2,0,7,6,33,48,7,12,27,0,81,12,3,11,13,114,136,38,13,16,22,2,3,4,4,10,5,0,1,5,34,30,1,0,24,3,0,6,33,24,0,2,14,6,96,24,73,105,17,61,0,4,2,3,28,28,4,8,31,397,130,7,0.0,0.05775626590711873,0.04756925119438618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048635332568021,0.0,0.0,0.12168220894532425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03729070308353417,0.0,0.14502937046659595,0.03408447051155437,0.0,0.0,0.043394445239649325,0.0,0.0554558300751522,0.04579865155331117,0.037482812350949565,0.0,0.08914567770227465,0.0,0.041479418651224766,0.0,0.0511561205922578,0.08622409015267954,0.05321821597968657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007576644066985,0.0,0.0839810554119867,0.05110945436666376,0.0,0.0,0.03891986740972167,0.0,0.0,0.06287452170863167,0.0,0.041985023321971016,0.0,0.3035451045585643,0.0,0.05586735864629989,0.0,0.042658120688137416,0.0,0.0,0.04775270981417324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966580878907058,0.04317465704466111,0.10073569302333173,0.0,0.0643927995165983,0.13228116298792414,0.041070768756014384,0.046579074963169084,0.0,0.09536625792174536,0.13786071317657567,0.054853017700480025,0.07394261726500198,0.06964857791420154,0.0,0.0,0.08910627186300145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064474657229204,0.04506506856844473,0.0,0.0,0.02770358399347213,0.040885992694022745,0.0,0.0,0.053699425646201435,0.048266393463548135,0.0,0.4151298183818387,0.0,0.0,0.050027655769309176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032673544645794174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100570336235408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053930438560412346,0.05076165719512332,0.13394816016353414,0.0,0.0,0.05161517841824116,0.0,0.0,0.17215438331021313,0.09525970763276599,0.0,0.17217512071173507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05321222635125978,0.0,0.0879906820383975,0.04612482504355253,0.16269230677777322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171200589891648,0.0,0.05709095035203974,0.0,0.0,0.03583405957100826,0.0,0.18798034001247446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354657089826662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03303168093081126,0.0370736752334339,0.0,0.11438630557448905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897235738730312,0.1702531768048679,0.0,0.0,0.13824272142497004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491223400414166,0.10023840708495166,0.0,0.05233516693244784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641032464024387,0.0,0.03884440344546478,0.04437670197485541,0.0,0.0550693213583342,0.100074530173758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037527199750436176,0.0,0.0,0.034502805248433716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096010330265922,0.0,0.15996126506577515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03665106947966849,0.03918034226552973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032384803627695316,0.21864213865775425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0402207131126927,0.2012623670740047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045188207900088234,0.043985855855746436,0.0,0.0,0.04698958910698749,0.0,0.0,0.04950412367827143,0.0,0.06925579170907557,0.05329630811452607,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NewMe43893,2018/01/23,"I just don't want to live Listen I don't want to live. I don't want to. Simple as that. Nothing really makes me want to live. There's not nearly enough in life to justify me living. So why shouldn't I end it? I want to because I don't want to live.

Again. I don't want to live.",-2.6281250000000007,-0.9468100624999972,0.5497499999999995,102.52025,102.75,3.8100000000000014,11.0875,5.6839178017228535,-1.45351375,212,3,56,2,10,74,31,64,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.3724,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,11,15,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,11,14,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584056256490122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472181304082965,0.14550130946955625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994630103820632,0.0,0.0,0.7460624363551278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939962508474768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511743607037036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021079356728452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.581401429370772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706518281792992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,x98secrets,2018/01/23,"I can't describe my feeling my life is meaningless I don't feel anything I wish I knew why. I cant describe how I feel I wrote something its the closest i have been to describe how I live. 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LeRiY0b_Q3RyPjAXfvrUjRn4UcwnilMPPG1BPBhkLwA/edit?usp=sharing
I can't explain it I have overdosed before I am about to again I don't know what to do.",5.1204761904761895,8.715395412698411,3.9114444444444447,78.24050000000003,86.93650793650794,3.7898412698412702,23.76031746031746,5.6839178017228535,0.4101060317460319,313,11,51,2,10,91,36,63,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.6734,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,2,0,10,19,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,15,0,4,16,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907235656359751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006196306274341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358947403949278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415627191003088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495357399136637,0.0,0.0,0.31195724816449044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27197615815970344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31878488585798,0.0,0.4062604720188298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidehahaha,2018/01/23,"How to make a suicide look like an accident? Not looking for attention, or life advice haha I'm too far gone. Just looking for some ideas on how to make my death look the most like an accident as possible. I'm thinking about an overdose, I've never done drugs before, don't know who or where to go to. Any tips on finding a drug dealer when you have the social skills of a tortoise? PM me ",1.5268750000000004,3.657399937500003,3.207500000000003,89.87750000000004,80.875,6.0,23.75,7.1686216300943375,0.9727500000000004,305,11,63,4,8,101,60,80,0.168,0.742,0.09,-0.8385,0,0,2,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,8,1,3,3,0,4,1,16,15,6,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,3,3,11,13,2,8,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,4,4,38,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742584022102584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234722518990463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450072669023013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580678052492453,0.0,0.0,0.4211217409335484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594957454984036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318909951234066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496781566761504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978485117208503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282466253829765,0.17740959893041602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6098845050366121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239567902751805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400361918261662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469028358898872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850853893166271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986055775657232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163412410510919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dyingtodie1991,2018/01/23,"Tifu by telling my boyfriend I've been suicidal Told my boyfriend I am suicidal. We talked for a bit, at which point I told him I feel like I'm just a terrible person who hurts everyone around me. He said that was a cop out, and that I could get better. In my emotional state, I raised my voice telling him that isn't something you say to someone who just revealed they want to commit suicide. From there, it devolved to us just yelling at each other. It pretty much convinced me that everyone's life would be better if I just wasn't around. I'm a terrible person who ends up hurting everyone, even in my vulnerable moments when I reveal my darkest feelings. I have fucked up every good relationship in my life. I honestly deserve to die. ",4.315246212121213,5.907615840277778,5.002954545454545,82.51022727272729,71.1527777777778,8.291919191919192,31.84090909090909,8.841846274778883,2.680466666666668,587,27,112,11,11,189,92,144,0.231,0.619,0.15,-0.9565,0,0,1,0,1,2,14.0,2,1,1,2,9,11,1,0,4,0,9,3,0,0,1,19,19,3,4,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,6,24,6,17,10,3,15,0,2,0,1,20,11,1,1,4,76,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844316406676365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269565132642673,0.1400794223459722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244372991790301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316374891491256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432955768510264,0.11364306201301574,0.0,0.0,0.08474641617982899,0.0,0.10810526915903168,0.3678122120858564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975305444517196,0.09166346881266922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861894760731785,0.06703578638029098,0.0,0.0,0.10761890704503238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747133587563135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812558810887352,0.06268494993865185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432135731370596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406770144733654,0.0,0.0,0.12129280801230778,0.0,0.0,0.13053565973139825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377550866243919,0.0,0.0,0.12205056715725005,0.10203590301559344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871519868904177,0.09877799107939904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210453356177441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312934416981948,0.22429420370983907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452081413905709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543390760330362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756795544552177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911465286662679,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwsway123abc,2018/01/23,Can't wait but have to I'm planning on killing myself in a couple of weeks but darn I hate waiting! I can't divulge why I have to wait but it's making this situation almost unbearable. It's all I think about now. Though I must admit I'm able to plan better. Wrote my goodbye letter today. A better place for it to happen dawned on me today so that's good (I don't want to do it at home so my SO finds me). The thought of freedom is so exciting for me. I hate waiting!,-0.97890756302521,1.121194470588236,1.8278991596638683,94.93411764705887,94.49019607843138,4.090756302521008,18.07002801120448,5.773587663045528,-0.317808963585434,364,11,82,3,14,126,62,102,0.14800000000000002,0.64,0.213,0.8298,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,7,7,3,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,2,17,23,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,13,4,14,20,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,4,54,19,0,0.19995182799401515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022287275429376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536822858955141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212428945308272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275234835373969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771010667115602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681674114405488,0.0,0.0,0.39482206797855895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005679865535381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221217072347402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346939783739525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089071026765427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247542323184569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812105767761364,0.1964516557932383,0.1587394165913255,0.0,0.0,0.37906190636949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179367687240974,0.0,0.1603892955084603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804254242472576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prettydamnedlonely,2018/01/23,"I'm worse than garbage. 29F, single, self harm scars, cellulite, student loan debt, barely hanging onto my career, no friends. I want to die. I can't be alive anymore. All of my dreams are fucking dead. I'm a disgusting, loathsome shell of anything my life could have been. Couldn't have been much anyway, I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused. There is no fucking reason for me to stay alive. I'm garbage. Worse than garbage.",2.5182386363636367,5.4878024375000045,2.733863636363637,88.41568181818184,87.125,4.90909090909091,27.272727272727273,6.574015621080383,1.3682499999999995,345,16,62,4,11,105,58,80,0.366,0.563,0.071,-0.9823,1,0,0,0,1,2,20.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,1,6,17,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,8,11,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,35,7,2,0.0,0.2726617282278225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282231960702362,0.0,0.0,0.1893741238248947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373691830074565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388344984569372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588608221315463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777948085100356,0.4254956336110008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254482847227195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916911885824645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366078977001371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24007164950345594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452837405802635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573430140740236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690361922196538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MilkyG1,2018/01/23,"I'm locked in my room. I'm 17 I'm not going to go into the details and the abuse/mental illness I just want a solution for this moment if you can't give me any solutions in a few days I'm going to suicide I was going to do it today but I had a paranormal dream and found out it was a real person who was talking to me I'm not sure if this is a sign that I will die soon, so I decided to wait for another day, I'm locked in my room I have bipolar anxiety depression PTSD ? a mix of these I skipped my semi final exams because I have school anxiety and my father forces me to go to school so I go to abandoned houses untill school ends pretty wierd I know but now I'm locked in my room my father found out about the semi final exams and I didn't leave my room for the last 2 days except for bathroom and water (in the holidays I had hypomania for like a couple of days so I was socialising normally with my family but the rest of the 30 days I spent locked in my room) I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this I don't want to face him (unless he breaks in) or face my school teachers since they called and said that I would be expelled if I didn't come to school I'm not planning on going back they gave my seat to another student and I'm not happy with my friends asking questions I don't feel comfortable answering, he shuts the internet most of the day only turns it on for my sister for a little bit I can only leave the room at 3am to get water because they are all sleeping I'm trying to eat less so after I die you know, I have no clue how he found out about my suicide I heard him saying Kill yourself I'm gonna make your life miserable that moment I changed my mind from suicide to murderer I wanted to go out and kill him because I'm not that weak but I'm not a killer he is a loud/mentally ill guy he keeps screaming Fuck that guy I'm gonna kill this guy these people need to die and sometimes at my mom he just goes on like this everyday since I remember him he doesn't work he stays at the house sometimes he has outbursts for no reason and gets a knife from the kitchen and starts threatning to kill everyone he went to jail once but his family pressured my mom to drop the case he stayed there for 30 days so he might be scared to attack again he just keeps screaming the entire day I don't want to hear him so I sleep in the day and wake up at night the computer is the only thing that I can listen to music or play some online games I know that I'm using the house food and Internet this is why I want to suicide because I'm wasting their resources for no reason and I don't want to feel dependant on others I tried to get an online job so I can live alone but It didn't work out, he once tried to kill me but I locked myself in my room the door handle is broken but I have a separate lock, my family are okay with him and they say I'm the problem because I don't open my room (not my choice) but I have a pretty scary PTSD everytime I hear someone screaming I just think that he is trying to kill my mom or is about to break in my room and attack me, I don't know what else to say I think my only choice is suicide otherwise I might run from the house and maybe find a work that offers me a place to sleep which is unlikely in my country so I will end up homeless and everyone will think I'm insane I just wanted to post this to prove that I have no solution left I'm not sure what I'm going to end up doing being a murderer If he ends up breaking into my room maybe not get jailed because he is a psychopath or just suiciding but I only have a couple of days to decide what to do.",2.66865763546798,3.439819964240101,4.375679392446635,88.59484913793104,74.13409961685824,7.431937602627258,23.816114760080282,7.7094869923839395,0.9509624338624336,2844,77,641,36,56,963,281,783,0.229,0.7,0.071,-0.9994,1,1,0,0,1,6,18.0,0,3,5,4,23,31,11,3,41,1,53,18,6,6,4,116,128,47,17,16,35,6,2,3,1,8,6,11,12,4,30,30,5,4,21,4,2,12,25,21,0,0,17,13,96,10,95,100,8,93,0,3,0,1,60,45,1,14,32,391,126,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728419077634601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031046558227769788,0.09574524023236088,0.06985098358803468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042680702032405295,0.1038769440137136,0.0,0.035105416281566985,0.0,0.16698299455971718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049842781492406035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661824787650262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829630268747117,0.0393272239339913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010314526646608,0.0,0.2944331174272225,0.0,0.03932206867267663,0.0,0.14214618097473444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671584984414199,0.03813839378046152,0.0,0.1617449933239409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724947324028319,0.0,0.0,0.1291167183407675,0.0,0.04616847380131224,0.0,0.0,0.10002432942512024,0.041727295403567816,0.0,0.055205482894425784,0.15017308265323004,0.035272476952476456,0.04220675804793325,0.09541016080069592,0.04379586150151751,0.23351803368665894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561510425763207,0.0,0.04859995879156783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291165594792057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071619625048515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530494839067722,0.08115945858180497,0.30305898258396585,0.0,0.10036185926847614,0.037214430216723146,0.0,0.09668283734178257,0.04960364025613535,0.0,0.06449410715733958,0.06691330268919703,0.04575770363118496,0.04031367249955956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03047466717153865,0.0,0.09173196432147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686420948562154,0.04609793039084048,0.1604096479677189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033852159847582115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284356261303823,0.044731619620811874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724089410692803,0.0,0.17361114608631364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031651013219709555,0.0398636619701423,0.04769913198824945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437242961041775,0.0928938777158832,0.0,0.04368509598371919,0.10673510325000644,0.0,0.05114337760675786,0.0,0.0,0.0519647033444029,0.0,0.09388065589025248,0.0,0.0,0.0517175365255069,0.0,0.043427790091953945,0.10891863629674924,0.0457080198633576,0.23102345585858905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553158455321317,0.0,0.13706211615034802,0.0,0.03868282580276661,0.0,0.09030673991373687,0.0,0.03231442000102256,0.097323033883143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996310280286562,0.0,0.08605746526657282,0.0,0.0,0.036695278155958584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030330755384694177,0.08776049012705238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04327503390737067,0.0,0.0,0.12398536574830375,0.04965887828337553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039430744058824865,0.0,0.0,0.21542518853840895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232208710749005,0.041195995803603606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997108429810612,0.0,0.0,0.03243157657292225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smartcat2425,2018/01/23,"Everything is falling apart Last year was great. I had a lot of good friends, and even my first boyfriend. Until my depression came and ruined it all. I lost my boyfriend and two of my closest friends because my depression was too much them. I was too much for them to handle. They couldn’t support me anymore. So now I’m alone and at the lowest point of my life. And I’m seriously wondering if it’s even worth it anymore. Everyone leaves me, and all of my plans backfire. People I thought would understand because they’ve had depression said I was too much and left me. I just honestly don’t want to live anymore. ",3.178545454545453,5.398422733333337,3.709545454545456,87.89727272727276,75.83333333333334,7.363636363636362,30.07575757575757,8.296473431620573,2.2429166666666682,488,23,97,9,11,153,72,120,0.18,0.6579999999999999,0.162,-0.3744,1,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,3,8,12,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,2,19,20,10,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,6,0,2,10,1,19,6,9,8,6,12,0,5,0,0,6,5,0,3,5,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012882076021136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312668063643022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672545269119078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578897250340505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37454648389377737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914817454632501,0.0,0.0,0.13850993656071994,0.1302754756417051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123297956528381,0.0,0.0,0.2239824889978265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158069387915238,0.0,0.1598125017550184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181570083355367,0.0,0.15348555320031235,0.15749314717663926,0.0,0.10238542834868336,0.0,0.0,0.12799720188718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582346171965757,0.12323486529313317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196740159707794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004929811110972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702855906645167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788462502330814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644922924435025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150774321131863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415991770166999,0.1509024196691323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549773451313995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571966313429025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029712947677852,0.0,0.0,0.09334574324909012
suicidewatch,FroZnFlavr,2018/01/23,"someone on reddit told me they're going to kill themselves I commented on someone's post about how badly they took a picture.

He responded a few days later he deleted the post and he hates his life and wants to kill himself. He said therapy hasn't worked in the past and was just a waste of time for his family.

There is no personal info anywhere on his account and his username is of an anime character. 

Please help",3.611777003484324,5.6230895853658565,4.663937282229966,82.48890243902441,73.87804878048779,7.612543554006969,28.787456445993037,8.418075326091056,2.28131149825784,334,14,61,6,7,109,61,82,0.221,0.725,0.054000000000000006,-0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,3,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,10,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,4,1,8,0,10,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,0,4,37,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993674862052546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312582359328953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186737355887215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566922388223072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094101851614987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642002246174936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503454840630817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375731248425153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428978537959185,0.0,0.17771214032400648,0.0,0.22341179743053646,0.0,0.0,0.3898456820476729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936010177028718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344895949215065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327511427590361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867837355058095,0.0,0.0,0.19447900500568974,0.2261262584448069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004564258151187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817025869280312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flyawaybreakaway,2018/01/23,"I'm killing myself tonight I've been depressed for 6 years; I'm so tired of being reminded over and over again what a failure I am. I've been looking forward to this for years and I've finally managed to acquire what I need to successfully end my life.

Please, tell me something. Share a joke or have a conversation with me or something. I want to have a little bit of light in my life in my final moments, the light that I've never had. Nothing you can say will stop me, but if anything, at least make my final hours easier.

EDIT 11 pm : Hey everyone. Thank you. I haven't had a real conversation with anyone for a long time, and talking with you all was surreal to me, as stupid as it sounds. Like people actually care enough to know me, what I'm interested in. You've asked me about the music I like, movies, video games, how I feel about school, and I responded with completely ordinary answers, but shockingly enough, no one else knows any of this about me. No one else knows that my favourite movie of all time is Interstellar, or that I really want to play the Last of Us, or that I really want to learn the violin, or that I've never been to downtown because I don't have friends to go with. The simplest things, and the only people who know them about me are you guys. Isn't it strange?

I'm sorry to everyone who tried to convince me not to kill myself, and leaving some posts unanswered, and to not replying to pm's (I just discovered them, I didn't know they were a thing, since I'm pretty new). I had a wonderful time. Some of your messages made me cry, some of them made me smile. Some of the stuff you shared made me laugh. Honestly, as my last time in this life, this is honestly the best I could ask for. 

So thank you. And good bye.",3.5771000874125884,4.781490411931821,4.540568181818184,86.62243881118886,72.4375,8.142657342657342,26.322552447552447,8.617729084823388,1.6627216783216785,1363,45,291,24,26,443,173,352,0.08199999999999999,0.6970000000000001,0.221,0.9954,0,0,2,0,0,3,49.0,1,7,4,3,9,23,3,0,16,0,23,4,0,5,4,53,50,22,2,6,11,0,1,2,1,1,4,2,0,1,19,13,0,1,9,4,0,2,10,5,0,2,12,6,46,18,46,35,11,32,0,1,1,0,30,9,0,11,25,189,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0903526512034898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296309803164486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473976777564963,0.0,0.07619213549522531,0.0,0.17311479143102426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644085987968971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716552194417136,0.0,0.10108224925457866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439976118827888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707688449249377,0.0,0.0,0.07392408155820725,0.0,0.10170370455854888,0.0,0.0,0.07974601392144913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469099078562631,0.0,0.08200559459819548,0.1913365610546554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694383694755686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681533651165472,0.0,0.0,0.3042772863713235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153335348429196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261996350163632,0.0776585240304861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167679759434644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118064984293024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048700781346428,0.0,0.2544200526753984,0.15094335421898805,0.0,0.09803745266815554,0.0,0.0,0.1961931864533772,0.09046775933384316,0.0927976221485408,0.0,0.08193757450838894,0.07775070367631726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628273595448512,0.06180329048155404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865291938092348,0.14281933532949895,0.08942218530803805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884080030096296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254802155119384,0.07041743906183713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837789190886525,0.0,0.0,0.10163395440950784,0.0,0.0,0.08867382728142607,0.09419540623883407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105385553105608,0.11862864378404205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362979093434845,0.0,0.09370412264134967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765898514067119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255771972693973,0.0,0.10364482242538793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740781592388751,0.0,0.0,0.10599124832681456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441882539384034,0.08092609972990478,0.17048540650495808,0.0,0.0,0.12302286847063006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159555143561216,0.10641642612756257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286125728356275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137211084980833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163832619926657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040786890711703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924743006415865
suicidewatch,GeneralPurposeful,2018/01/23,"Suicidal But Can't End It It's taken me quite a lot of strength to come tell someone online about this, but I feel my back is against the wall. 

First I'll just give an overview of my medical history:

-

* Anxiety at 15

* LSD-induced psychosis and PTSD at 18

* Cannabis induced HPPD, panic disorder at 19


-


Current circumstances:

* No job; supported by social welfare job seeker allowance
 
* No supportive family; living with single parent household

* No education; completed final grade of highschool at 18

* No girlfriend; every former girlfriend has lost interest

* No friends; they all fell out after highschool

* On bail awaiting criminal trial for something I did not commit 


-


Qualitative report: I am 21 now and my life has amounted to nothing. The medical system has failed to resolve my mental health issues, I lay in bed most of the day, have no communication with anybody aside from my father (who is physically disabled and cannot provide emotional support; mother died when I was 17), no interest or positive emotion toward anything, unprovoked rage fueled fits, hallucinating visually 24/7, and am constantly contemplating the purpose of my life. I have lost hope in humanity, as everyone wants me to be a slave to jobs I don't want to do. For this reason I know that I am useless and should die, but here's the real kicker: my anxiety doesn't allow me to kill myself. I do not know if I am suffering from chronic loneliness or depression. I don't cut, cry or smile like other depressed people. It seems like psychologically and spiritually, I am nothing. Though, I do currently retain some qualities, which I'll list here:


-


* Physical fitness is optimal with weight lifting and anaerobic exercise

* Intelligence aptitude is optimal, with a verified IQ of over 153 (I don't give a fuck if you think that's pretentious)

* Nutrition is optimal; I don't consume ANY drugs, not even processed sugar.

* Hygiene is sound: I clothe, groom and clean appropriately.


-


On the surface it looks like I have everything I need. But on the inside I am void. If anyone has any suggestions, please respond.  ",4.683898741418761,7.6991843750000015,5.918907322654463,69.87563501144169,74.81521739130434,9.199771167048056,33.59725400457666,9.616208734778699,4.209634782608696,1662,88,249,49,38,553,232,368,0.223,0.608,0.16899999999999998,-0.9769,6,0,2,0,1,1,68.0,0,1,1,7,9,24,4,1,12,0,33,11,0,4,2,50,53,21,4,8,14,3,2,3,3,1,8,1,2,1,11,14,2,1,8,1,0,2,17,12,0,1,5,5,33,12,38,46,6,31,0,7,1,1,16,16,1,11,15,169,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435273013313054,0.0,0.15113865889235306,0.0,0.0,0.0690719232436105,0.0,0.0812906427611937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595863743231071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509348871016996,0.10357292503165902,0.10675018408273952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850935547379537,0.0637073727750169,0.0,0.17016466823466164,0.0,0.2050439574422944,0.0,0.11321478228427695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455783534890755,0.0,0.0,0.22223693704026712,0.0874931179126609,0.0,0.0,0.06524576205671041,0.0,0.0832296041128125,0.094392145230003,0.08878050139954254,0.0,0.09312456627047452,0.0,0.049948052661583135,0.0,0.0,0.10821281411783304,0.0,0.08402544184321037,0.0,0.0,0.07632011159427568,0.09132402265343882,0.0,0.1895248264910176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500255009770737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811459331015904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031046125795723,0.2940830088236793,0.0,0.10928962829204816,0.0,0.10857797581807352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954782540656666,0.1447823110143819,0.0,0.0872278969261741,0.0,0.08295350479288001,0.0,0.2156683532994821,0.0839824462489005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990285529487509,0.09955082675603394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324692906471184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895714226394587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590149414354177,0.10968770921731567,0.0,0.0,0.06848424238124083,0.0,0.0,0.10843493789235628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547296496986015,0.0,0.0,0.1050687208684581,0.0,0.11243758025702852,0.0,0.10156618918117706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992905292669041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069763440766352,0.08369918523234862,0.07604858816366455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080534336874285,0.33629602488634275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863413870794142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329666431884186,0.09705457273787374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653047822258852,0.0,0.0,0.12029204447498455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nonotthestew,2018/01/23,"There isn't any help I started with therapy and medication when I was seven. I'm 30 now.  I had five good years in my late twenties, everything seemed okay, i thought it finally got better, i fell in love, i had a baby. 

And now I am more miserable than I have ever been. I feel so scared I may have passed this to my son. I can't life with myself like this but I can't die either, because how can I leave my child. 

The man I love just tells me ""everything will be fine"". But it doesn't matter of things will be fine at some unknown point in the future. Every day is consumed with suicidal ideation. I can't cope anymore. They won't be fine for me. I keep reaching out to family and friends and getting brushed off. I suppose they don't want to hear it. I can't really blame them. 

the doctor suggests different medications and more therapy. Or exercise. Like I haven't spent the majority of my life trying one pill or another, CBT or whatever, tracking every step and charting every symptom and side effect. I'm too tired to do it anymore. I just want it all it to stop.",1.860399385560676,3.961143949308757,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,79.55299539170507,7.082642089093702,25.079877112135183,8.11559375814309,1.5851296466973892,835,32,173,16,21,280,130,217,0.109,0.727,0.16399999999999998,0.9242,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,2,10,13,0,2,5,1,25,11,0,2,2,33,40,15,2,2,8,1,1,2,1,4,9,1,0,2,9,11,0,2,4,1,1,3,9,2,0,3,7,3,30,11,18,26,6,22,0,1,0,2,13,8,0,6,13,117,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915850217979393,0.1374790427224605,0.0,0.0,0.2600494641767556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992272753293707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115955108116344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455435075717338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360702689737475,0.13698082512555895,0.0,0.13419544587105645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859544533984888,0.3313945387948183,0.0,0.23566432984907065,0.0,0.12359773912433565,0.0,0.06629256521533193,0.0,0.0,0.14362331772262651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129435894897942,0.0,0.06849895379155532,0.0,0.0,0.1099678684897582,0.10485971056568713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776918320292007,0.0,0.08787948693314263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653555463040695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789647403473144,0.1388253232555692,0.0,0.0,0.185212091832718,0.12810630623216193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236661680765237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641567112828861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884273819102212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394022506351628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839916754897424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126281369817325,0.0,0.0,0.11935655722732436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279950663010768,0.0,0.0,0.10961285483942244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341178319798292,0.0,0.0,0.13627227789713134,0.0,0.0,0.11459489867453147,0.0,0.29986875298311605,0.0,0.08710288271703573,0.0,0.0,0.10408576820050447,0.0,0.1506903163515174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901429122379383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466277293101402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442978971560909
suicidewatch,AnotherWasteOfLife,2018/01/23,"I've come to the realisation that at 22 years old, My life has been rendered worthless and I've made plans to end my life tonight! I've got everything prepared to end my life. My life has now been rendered worthless. I've realised that everyone that live on this Earth have more worth then I have. I'm a failure and I've never met any of the expectations that I was given when I was growing up. I'm 22 years old and I'm fully prepared to take my life. I'm currently sat in my room with my belt hung up and I'm ready to wrap it around my neck and be done with life. 

Everyone from my family, my co-workers and my classmates at university are all superior to me and they have more worth then I ever had. I don't want to keep living in a world where I live as an inferior human being! I don't expect anything out of life, I just want to end it. 

Everyone except for me has worth, they are happy and fulfilled. Even the most hated people in the world have worth, I don't. Hell, a t-shirt has more worth than me. My body is just a pile of trash, my mind is a mess and I'm ready to go! 

Good Night and Good Luck! ",1.2841229656419522,2.8888969662447286,3.2502471368294152,91.86101265822785,79.33755274261604,6.3708257986739,21.4122965641953,7.2636822038024595,0.4501992766726941,859,24,201,11,21,290,116,237,0.086,0.733,0.182,0.9677,1,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,2,1,8,11,2,0,10,0,23,9,2,1,3,30,41,14,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,1,7,15,0,1,0,0,5,3,4,6,0,0,11,0,27,5,29,28,5,33,1,3,0,0,4,14,1,2,16,121,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918985887485244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958282652198603,0.1036650129395574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934947875228747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031119360879333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916857837654052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094198824166313,0.0,0.0,0.0769139962296754,0.10533551315974583,0.0,0.3338183296573853,0.10465757368237852,0.0,0.10977850994815344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618110629817127,0.1953451386814765,0.09313554488173692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396298004412852,0.0,0.1149700712059766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035059349300737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5757635749196776,0.0,0.0,0.3084819269704088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018761868179916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758110433021292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981326652366273,0.0,0.0,0.10928025103883214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438895733484275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073163059578659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755575905800322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737022114730033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477684306726259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997970959471327
suicidewatch,RevolutionaryCar,2018/01/23,"Burnt Out I would describe myself as burnt out. I'm 18, second semester of college, but I really haven't gotten anywhere. I've done a lot of shit, improved myself even, but there's still no happiness to be seen for me. I've had a few major life problems that I've beaten (or am at least well along on), like my grades and my weight. I got my grades up enough to get into the school I wanted to (where I'm typing this from), I've lost enough weight that I'm approaching the medical ""healthy weight"" range, all that jazz. 

So I admitted to myself this last summer that I'm trans. I'd known it for several years, but I'd been repressing it pretty effectively. I'm out at school and to my immidiate family and everyone's cool about it. I've been on hormones for a bit as well. That's been going well, I've noticed a few positive changes that are nice, I guess. But ultimately I don't feel like it's solving much of anything. I'll always still be me, which is really the only constant here. Fat/skinny, low/high grades, sick/healthy, boy/girl, always going to be me. And I'm not sure I can handle this shit.

What do I mean by 'this shit', you may ask? The grind of life. Eat, wake up, school, bla bla bla. I hate it so much. I'm just bored and stressed and lonely all the time. I feel like I deserve some good sprinkled in there to spice things up, but I don't feel it. I put up with the grind for a few months, then I get on break for a bit (when I just get more depressed), then back to the grind. 

There's a few people I care about, I guess. Honestly I kind of resent them for keeping me here when I hate it so much. Like my whole life is just me going with other people's flow to keep them from freaking out at the sight of my body or whatever. I honestly wish I was strong enough to live life how I want to without worrying about what other people think or feel. And I want to live my life by ending it.
",3.0733740129217537,3.8347164271356777,4.244023689877963,89.95222361809046,73.17085427135679,7.595262024407753,23.25951184493897,7.83500028581142,0.8461511844938969,1470,36,335,19,28,482,183,398,0.122,0.6759999999999999,0.201,0.9868,0,2,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,1,2,4,25,32,7,2,15,1,20,15,5,2,3,55,56,25,0,6,13,0,7,4,0,2,6,1,0,0,24,15,4,3,9,1,0,6,6,15,3,1,10,12,42,17,53,41,20,38,0,3,2,0,5,17,3,8,18,213,66,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435953380745772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643978569038354,0.0,0.07547832573372004,0.0,0.0,0.06208187585823146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628808889329525,0.08968075992764306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231689349310432,0.0,0.08540918711251701,0.0,0.0,0.08724816426537081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953877903757466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262212396519651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261424867816293,0.0,0.0,0.07150914061016199,0.2502691392342507,0.0,0.053326118492976006,0.0,0.0,0.07714779569845866,0.0,0.0,0.07611178870483559,0.0,0.16329249230991538,0.1153572556746074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126545467605369,0.0,0.13765432909950162,0.06771848118025689,0.06457286509259758,0.0,0.17788212076575158,0.0,0.0,0.08594618517591901,0.0,0.1594224183064963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530321954386369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435257565950729,0.0,0.08407530552509121,0.0,0.06581154367517154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28513514282351576,0.1577763506157772,0.0,0.14258474484013958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813412396989824,0.06863982791872772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794641267001896,0.0,0.08133417300579347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444361362973845,0.0,0.1780532594743346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191976724202634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140423194238055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679188981323946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213869532399365,0.0,0.07725453770335189,0.0,0.08116312388471074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344455656117577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24513088336998365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912099855303026,0.24862653717047026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895356610952202,0.0,0.09248411930667576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760937974998279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363816726673263,0.05173309829292641,0.0,0.0,0.04707847469827252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286256824634186,0.0,0.0,0.2949482517436069,0.21777715080833646,0.0,0.0,0.09014013178464443,0.09284372471271403,0.07782772034968181,0.0,0.0,0.08199248316507728,0.0,0.057353346689812124,0.0,0.0,0.051992070087654864
suicidewatch,suicideizbadass,2018/01/23,"Just a few more days dude, just wait a few more days... I keep fucking telling myself to wait a few days before but I always find myself being a bitch and never doing it. But I think this time, I am pretty serious. I give myself 2 days, and unless everything in my life changes, I'm gone. Game over.

A shitty part about the world. Nobody cares about how you feel in the end. They may say they care, but really all someone cares about is themselves. It's nobody's fault but it is the way humans are and nothing can change that. No matter, how much I try to help others it doesn't get reciprocated. The one time I needed someone, nobody was there. I can't believe this is the world we live in.

Two days.",1.0182746478873241,3.3496369366197207,2.496602112676058,92.970536971831,84.56338028169014,4.676760563380283,16.621478873239436,5.985473137389443,-0.4665225352112676,543,11,114,4,16,176,89,142,0.118,0.741,0.141,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,2,0,8,7,2,0,10,0,12,2,0,2,2,24,26,10,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,2,2,16,3,10,22,8,17,0,0,0,1,10,6,2,1,9,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018601217696805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290817100508968,0.16273490706806867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417999475010063,0.0,0.3055976546343195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657606541575496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279313525522282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298137487298862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303342350566278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201594014433482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353285398089704,0.0754641653359414,0.13856042608645938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681537840331148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838529459743125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202255032107428,0.0,0.0,0.1275435497131482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106180338702264,0.1071007517974132,0.11140136736302064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859449224180972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787657639482933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641491467392268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694784890451626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253224078850182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486483072919836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447678224242219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262473060033278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925515980175398,0.0,0.0,0.16844875753939545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806557353584204,0.0,0.1410973162451466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465009355791494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FailedTherapy,2018/01/23,"I'm on medication, but due to being alone; And without anymore motivation, I've been unable to find reason to keep going. 

I'll feel horrible if I stop taking classes at my community college. But I'm just not making friends. I work 40 hours a week as a laundry attendant. I'm happy with my new job and for something so basic it pays well. At 26 I thought I'd be well off and thriving. 

Three years ago now I made huge life changes. I had goals. I had a guy supporting me. But he was all I had. Unfortunately, he's gone. I no longer want to pursue a career in art or with animals and this guy convinced me I was smart and worth something. 


Even though I'm medicated (I have Bipolar One and you bet bad depression comes with it) I'm now miserable again. Just sleeping and working. My family is going to be sad after I've worked so hard to see me give up. My feelings of wanting to kill myself ebb and flow. I seriously saw myself overcoming trauma and abuse and finally being free. But as much as I talk myself up, accepting that it's not getting better is destroying me. 

You have no idea how much I want to be this happy person who gets along with people. I hate the negative in my life. I hate so many things I can't control because of trauma. How do you keep going? 
I don't want to push through an other episode like this ...I seriously have been discouraged from a lifestyle I wanted and my parents just aren't very good people. On top of that I find it impossible to relax and let anyone love me since I broke up with my ex. 


It's like I'm toxic and make people sad and frustrated. And I'm miserable. And it's been like this so long. So what if I OD on prescription pills? I hate my life. I wanted to have a good well paying prestigious job. It's hard to accept that maybe being basic is all I can ever do, when I've been trying so hard to make that anything but the case. ",1.8396897546897544,3.806571675324676,3.9361580086580084,85.89026875901877,79.0,6.875180375180376,23.421717171717173,7.8897218956490685,1.2467994227994228,1465,49,303,25,36,501,195,385,0.269,0.5820000000000001,0.149,-0.9965,3,1,2,0,1,2,42.0,0,3,0,8,22,38,6,2,9,0,29,9,1,9,3,68,67,37,2,8,14,2,5,3,1,0,7,0,0,3,19,23,0,5,10,2,5,8,9,18,3,2,13,7,44,21,41,47,4,36,0,7,2,1,15,13,0,4,18,198,63,12,0.0,0.1035123385416918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744312753925724,0.0,0.0,0.0904830050056812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664185064854513,0.06108710795604715,0.0,0.07189332563761883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294549122703813,0.053256429843104094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726657073612371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241978187797273,0.07525655703637417,0.0,0.0,0.09798642393748784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524669193077159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057703256594951235,0.07902595681372943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235923029189401,0.0,0.08834796953231519,0.0,0.0,0.09570325463400536,0.15969866532064325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749739513889037,0.0,0.09128841919021366,0.08380773976261674,0.1489533327740824,0.1465539591552847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300866605261248,0.0,0.18600171610902025,0.2347835969720853,0.258762299896413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603617825383404,0.0,0.0,0.09862359299383104,0.0,0.0,0.17339105543354125,0.15530670138462974,0.09665558751573043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933585454972566,0.1851238392243071,0.1280452642366475,0.0,0.0,0.07731460324349898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788496375641759,0.08266615630523365,0.1749489258643428,0.08857362704133674,0.08776912167261536,0.0,0.0,0.17602056131310742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844553737606412,0.0,0.0,0.08437692743211203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592002700557179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700764970417268,0.0,0.0,0.1817020915810949,0.0762830846074999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982498925522256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696179882259566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226860215861304,0.0,0.08742733344978952,0.0,0.0,0.134514520427473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304041658553652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913990428482773,0.0,0.0,0.06568703589660052,0.07022006684592454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058040919094512124,0.0,0.08583492226727545,0.0693574479118137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931458424814098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208464755676247,0.3091781538316249,0.0,0.07007832363073219,0.0,0.2356528314594293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421600979882551,0.0,0.19080662175759155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056259706236931634
suicidewatch,ElementalCrusader,2018/01/23,"Just kinda done I recently relapsed hard on my depression. I've got this sort of empty feeling in my stomach right now. I just kinda realized how fucked up I am. All these weird emotions constantly going through my body, and I just started giving up recently. I throttled and now stopped taking my medication, I don't know why, I guess I just don't really know if I want to get better anymore. My depression just lets me see a world I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy and my meds just cloud my mind and make it harder to think. Today I opened up to my best friend about it and instead of feeling cared for, I just ended up telling myself I was burdening him and making him feel down. I showed him my wrist as well, and now I'm scared he thinks I'm actually insane. I wouldn't be surprised if I am. I started pushing away my other friends and family, so that if/when I do it, they won't need to hurt as much. I just feel like shit for doing this kind of thing, making others care about me. Now I'm just tired. Of everything, really. But I doubt I'll have the balls to do it. Just another thing that makes me feel like more of a failure. So I'm just kinda done.",3.4182668935342733,4.255231128099176,4.8336655323286335,85.7622095284395,72.4297520661157,8.008167233835684,25.805542051531358,8.313332769828598,1.4903064657267873,911,28,195,14,17,305,130,242,0.16,0.6890000000000001,0.151,-0.5103,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,2,24,21,2,2,3,0,17,7,4,5,2,52,49,16,0,5,14,0,6,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,11,2,0,2,5,9,1,0,4,7,38,12,26,40,4,26,0,3,1,1,9,11,2,8,15,133,51,0,0.11145561959293533,0.0,0.10876460705628999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687093513768687,0.0,0.0,0.11053402561780618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471622350220416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696579649750152,0.09857343818509656,0.0,0.123802067496898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727286460531004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044392944570093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199312367575194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811559081634025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537257052578046,0.0987165971787848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081798887645403,0.0,0.0,0.10016912419029188,0.0,0.10507043885609656,0.0,0.2817765506642622,0.1592478338141576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222067043976685,0.10303892434174156,0.0582309610762541,0.10691838625964374,0.0633427971104266,0.0,0.08914124065308815,0.0,0.12278093059927818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984234304052204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931554595419132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606387655320598,0.12250618742402325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397092238303658,0.0,0.10890317178460852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297589966181417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123802067496898,0.11227981101399953,0.0,0.0,0.11253840336323273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193270464876178,0.08264292967913364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280264779096574,0.0,0.22009795648377672,0.0,0.0,0.0951824901492076,0.0,0.0,0.11158651880257232,0.0,0.08881569860785553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440759185185738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777772241361085,0.0,0.0,0.09318188863197484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380075511088493,0.0,0.09741712412951603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809232236041914,0.21424878196344446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810183893809202,0.10564689521056954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573941215144298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021198729585888,0.0,0.10057136086997022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ernie_Birdie,2018/01/23,"I think I’m in crisis mode Two nights ago I took a handful of Tylenol pm. Like maybe 20. And probably 20 ibuprofen on top of an empty stomach full of gin.  These past 5 years have been hard, yadda yadda chronic spinal  pain yadda toxic long term relationship and a history of depression.

My roommate tried to make me vomit but I fought him away, gave in when I was basically incoherent and vomited through the night.. I woke up the next morning in my bed. Perplexed and let down that I was actually awake.

I was throwing up and had cold sweats all yesterday and today I have the shakes. I’ve tried not to drink but it’s only been a limiting.  At this point I’m just worried about any long term liver damage. I’ve just been pushing fluids. Roommate/boyfriend hasn’t left my side but I’m feigning interest in life. I gotta tell you I just don’t see the point of it anymore.

I don’t think I’ll try anything drastic again anytime soon. But I didn’t see that episode coming so who knows. I haven’t told any family or friends, I guess i just needed to get it out there. Thanks.",1.9047853535353525,4.187871625000003,3.2076094276094302,89.5528787878788,80.43518518518519,6.149494949494951,24.63299663299664,7.348242739294969,1.1289148148148145,845,32,174,12,22,274,140,216,0.11,0.8170000000000001,0.073,-0.6705,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,11,9,1,1,8,0,15,13,5,1,1,26,35,13,0,1,10,0,2,1,1,1,7,0,1,0,8,8,1,1,3,1,0,5,6,5,0,1,13,5,21,4,21,20,4,37,0,2,2,0,9,17,0,2,16,97,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.13897404247892306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624007560809494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369074717569412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123491811656386,0.0,0.0,0.11719334113423695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338012179430396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267574608813253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265966497523433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951001866898805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134253816825809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002753293200362,0.0,0.07440464575035531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568834083671614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757361423397226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826617755436707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473158205426246,0.14562641503798066,0.10059015005857327,0.06957554682218832,0.0,0.0,0.2520611361962768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506143983950928,0.0,0.14307248309916742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055970534042063,0.0,0.0,0.15145729383172882,0.2672889404779642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083111124807674,0.15153692526678425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359488315999378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26925166092703473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354474608215646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289771290891954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696862527596515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447478930295028,0.13111428281332702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825043405295468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349903842815468,0.13608123272969108,0.15822551128756432,0.2900661881076137,0.0,0.13911630486882165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462679176580906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170897140536093
suicidewatch,jors9,2018/01/23,The reason I'm alive is for family. I lost someone I loved and now I have gone insane. Once everyone appears to be stable I plan on killing myself. I don't see the point in being here in the first place anyway.,0.6325000000000003,2.8864463409090924,2.860181818181818,90.23027272727276,85.5909090909091,5.3381818181818215,17.89090909090909,6.742157984588678,0.1281781818181824,165,4,34,2,5,56,36,44,0.191,0.631,0.177,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,3,11,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,6,1,5,7,0,9,0,1,1,1,1,5,0,1,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844467238528975,0.0,0.0,0.28062692845165754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25320710313718336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293396568435321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249537150856475,0.0,0.2686685089301878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170202950918403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31101303700296035,0.0,0.2814045379599792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060654008489102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372130255660816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522239426859737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenheroReddit,2018/01/23,I have been suicidal for the past 3 weeks and I really should get help but it stresses me I have lost most of my will to live and life is just painful a lot of the time. I have people who want me to get help but it's just to hard for me. It stresses me out so much. I really do not know what to do anymore.,-0.685142857142857,0.8959699142857147,1.7957142857142865,99.99928571428572,85.57142857142857,5.7142857142857135,17.142857142857142,6.868970318607317,-0.3902857142857141,234,5,63,3,7,80,45,70,0.241,0.6659999999999999,0.093,-0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,13,14,5,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,10,0,9,10,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182258936144899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22992926288299506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971174433284412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949835659470221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209311887198878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554245626937023,0.0,0.0,0.19430410606461496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402055309768056,0.18707471713233156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175867646448774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414380362116585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005821830304766,0.15255176341877974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819334159822603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041224893225187,0.0,0.0,0.2406939359963865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831023334774416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978846904612207,0.0,0.17650713463354162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FewHearing,2018/01/23,"Non-suicidal people hate suicidal people I feel like the only time non-suicidal people feel sad about suicidal people is after suicide has been committed. Then they often question why didn't the suicidal person speak to them about their feelings earlier. So that it could have been prevented, so they say.

Yeah, right, as if they wanted to hear anything about suicidal feelings. Whenever I've attempted, I've been labelled by the vast majority of people from my family to mental health care professionals as manipulative. The definition of manipulate is to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner. So they usually think that attempting means I am looking for their attention in an unfair manner. And that just blows my mind. How self-obsessed are these people, if they in all seriousness think that I would die or seriously harm myself just for their attention. As if their attention was so precious and dear. Fuck, when I'm dead I sure as hell will not care for their attention one bit. I won't care for anything.

From my experience non-suicidal people want to distance themselves from suicidal people, going to extremes. I had two different landlords that initially offered their help after discovering I was suicidal. It took just a few days for them to get in touch with their deeper feelings and one of them kicked me out of the apartment saying that I was causing emotional distress to all other tenants (even though the tenants were fine with me and told the landlord so). The other landlord did a massive anti-me campaign, told third parties about me being suicidal and tried to make my life even more miserable in all possible ways.

My job didn't even offer any help. They were super awkward after I returned to work after attempting and then just fired me. 

I hate this false pretense of caring after suicide has been completed, while the actual actions before someone has died are despicable. ",7.976669348350762,9.371488336283186,7.962908286403862,65.41778157683031,62.39233038348082,11.237382676320731,36.94301421292572,11.115808304768276,4.739836578171092,1562,73,229,43,22,504,182,339,0.231,0.654,0.114,-0.9955,2,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,16,6,20,21,4,3,13,1,27,3,0,6,5,50,53,26,12,7,10,0,7,1,0,3,2,4,5,1,12,9,0,1,13,0,0,3,4,11,0,4,16,12,36,10,45,32,7,26,1,2,1,1,28,9,2,7,14,173,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.057313744121514326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399396237035282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666249965394323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997641811031965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411989124653697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395238517436267,0.0603337154234618,0.0,0.0,0.06157915283953165,0.0,0.0,0.04689254646554745,0.0,0.0,0.037877138681934784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190862805411705,0.06136220861002209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606534626886733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637535830702207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574509495852469,0.055367094225945414,0.0,0.14848276071880945,0.04195799463701659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429658327384288,0.030684930451199383,0.0,0.033378623467550474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597094492594782,0.0,0.062429134631766525,0.06619498340383613,0.0,0.07873334687231401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828222817345751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04148399239718565,0.028693380551883342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931990236496806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920391852752403,0.0,0.0,0.06397612511799314,0.0,0.0,0.05918781934793984,0.0,0.05930235421956664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959634685170074,0.04466816446805689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257377641815092,0.051282324013230934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621125618569712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579303385437102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015661834218668,0.0,0.09341173592853794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061270054399055085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049763245736196116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7709164037810636,0.0,0.05535400662467037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526590496755924,0.057703674648313025,0.0,0.03424697263050181,0.0,0.0,0.1122414634170638,0.06525316746691437,0.039875022670808336,0.0,0.05737241400020049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468475698098466,0.0,0.06928304985824295,0.046618552413413984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299629538376202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427574345880641,0.0,0.0,0.04172137068887983,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flashway1,2018/01/23,"Girlfriend of 3 years who helped me through several period of depression just dumped me I work in the office monday to friday, and usually I would be excited for friday to come so i could spend more time with her during the weekends. I can say shes almost the only reason i still feel excited in life. Now shes gone and i feel so lost and empty.",4.0062857142857125,5.1012356285714295,5.547142857142859,80.22785714285716,71.28571428571428,9.028571428571428,25.42857142857143,9.3871,2.1308,274,8,53,6,5,93,51,70,0.161,0.772,0.067,-0.7687,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,11,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,3,11,2,9,6,1,12,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,1,8,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728295393455437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470034204889334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753730406811436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346695760432395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27552813316369873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262433275453102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244670098469052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29742249998066234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721826406231594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28013446977848394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667129142950806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078024798758769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758707232862015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887373708756608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30007642383599153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983542748310762,0.0,0.0,0.19354791295784252,0.0,0.0,0.17545543959705825
suicidewatch,flamingo23232,2018/01/23,"I just want to die I'm a massive loser and no good to anyone, what's the point?",-3.141754385964912,-1.5950634210526289,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,104.26315789473685,2.533333333333333,11.596491228070176,3.1291,-1.8871192982456144,61,1,16,0,3,22,17,19,0.401,0.422,0.177,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731611064753573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538750511216626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476250340422005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044996163440364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147779890120997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canithrowyouaway,2018/01/23,Anybody here with ADHD?? I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in elementary school. I was not prepared to for the fact the ADHD in adulthood brings depression and suicidal thoughts. I can't afford a therapist and my insurance won't cover it. I want someone here who knows what I'm going through to help me.,4.0284745762711855,6.108129813559327,5.412000000000003,77.27833898305086,72.89830508474577,8.787796610169492,32.13898305084746,9.3871,3.3205023728813554,245,12,43,6,5,82,43,59,0.194,0.7609999999999999,0.046,-0.8293,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,11,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,8,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7847094480877603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745934121041685,0.22090747595418064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369400309147985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458844290102964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961329004413528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202707349905912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844118909792428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23807087222872564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252705345251974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278768222191368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837404441923753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedistancepast,2018/01/23,"Been thinking about suicide everyday for the past two weeks It's never been this debilitating before. I would think about suicide from time to time but I would always move forward with life and try to advance (going back to school, taking it day by day), or at the very least coast along until those thoughts faded away little by little. 

But today I just spent the three hours of free time in between classes, sitting by myself in the lunch area trying not to cry. I was on the verge of bawling my eyes out in public and breaking down. For three hours I just concentrated on holding back tears. Thinking about killing myself. This was just my first day back at school from winter break. I don't know how I can do this. I'm 24 soon to be 25 and already am 2 years behind (I dropped out for two years and was working). I have a year and a half left of school, if I quit again now then I will utterly disappoint my parents and be stuck. 

On the way back from school I just spent my commute trying not to breakdown. I finally was able to cry when I got home. This one day has been so exhausting. I don't know how I can put in the work for the classes that I have, while thinking about killing myself every hour. I am so lonely. I have one friend and he is working full time now. I just got out of a two year relationship recently. I don't want to try anymore. It's been too hard my entire life and I feel like I am reaching my breaking point. I just want it to end. I can't make friends because I am just angry. I am tired of being around people. I won't be able to meet new women because I am just sad and angry looking. Normally I socialize and be confident, now I trip on my own words and have no confidence. I want to find love but the other person doesn't deserve someone like me, in the state that I am in. If my parents weren't alive, I wouldn't hesitate to kill my self. I don't want to devastate my mom. ",2.6279683503836324,4.184323953964199,3.7216040601023046,90.14345468350386,75.44501278772378,6.4220268542199515,24.750719309462923,7.04035,0.8678471227621483,1490,49,319,15,32,482,189,391,0.16399999999999998,0.722,0.113,-0.9493,2,2,0,0,0,5,39.0,0,0,0,6,28,13,3,0,13,0,41,7,1,3,1,56,64,25,5,10,16,3,2,2,2,5,4,0,1,3,12,17,1,1,9,0,3,6,13,7,0,9,15,4,49,7,55,39,3,78,0,3,2,1,14,26,0,3,43,228,61,9,0.1532528338559002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455915651655614,0.0,0.06375931729833066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759928154600793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682137568096676,0.0,0.0,0.07199304109120855,0.23568393900460805,0.0,0.0934215050771801,0.0,0.06520343700340164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834104179202192,0.19767079909287608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786826147265466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456106113206067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038744618764988685,0.054741927564009606,0.0,0.08394049427490005,0.07003515686755701,0.06517839109429112,0.0,0.0,0.1184027592769772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354855859662511,0.0,0.12257029114736942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864221860529134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768625439148819,0.0,0.2263847563732949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25432733154777504,0.0,0.0842237495793511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325482619808779,0.0,0.10824700877716373,0.07487159352234696,0.15359960048765658,0.0,0.0,0.06434689136323034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915833297253297,0.0,0.05114872831328556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974393339607804,0.0,0.08144175449735393,0.0,0.0,0.059099016603596885,0.07400627095844083,0.0,0.0,0.07507761926059528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384808643527216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016913574684814,0.0,0.07314858541753101,0.05312310933216981,0.06690723164280306,0.0,0.0,0.07243673184368253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703071337095926,0.0,0.08150162653497114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565934243653298,0.08226809514461728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102000992809709,0.0,0.0,0.07993806445642107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811098226581932,0.06492531440093048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676337262968966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057613529254569175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639645571329545,0.0,0.060832815786963174,0.17872591969603746,0.0880707940573823,0.07263288355593768,0.0,0.0,0.2080972288158756,0.0,0.22455862525425946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322481893313403,0.18078498410443952,0.060822483091283214,0.06146508962538382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735483241930602,0.0,0.0,0.10886641613262046,0.0,0.0,0.19737960082334446
suicidewatch,scriblenaughts,2018/01/24,"What is the point I've continually lived my life during high school with the aching feeling that we are no greater then flies. They work to reproduce and then die. They obviously can't drive a car, or feel the emotions we do but maybe more power to them. We live to reproduce and die and I don't grasp at what the point is. I'm going to struggle through my life just to get to my ""happy moments"" but why? To the adults you work so your kids can grow up but then they will just work so they're kids can grow up. Im prolly naïve but please help I'm at the end of the rope. I'm on the earth just to experience? Just to feel stimulated? If I don't care about the experience why not just end it now? ",1.1363223938223932,2.973095817567569,2.7247490347490357,94.35635135135138,80.68918918918921,6.390733590733591,19.355212355212355,7.447530270364453,0.1612590733590733,543,13,132,8,14,178,84,148,0.118,0.7759999999999999,0.106,-0.4501,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,2,4,4,9,3,0,1,10,0,10,2,0,1,1,25,19,14,2,1,12,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,3,14,2,18,18,2,21,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,8,80,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848063767974865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226427259254166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484819368102178,0.2753460127787409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30409875456820457,0.0,0.0,0.23578421036769345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812105735552361,0.0,0.0883396871501817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546793318873745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418762831470016,0.1642300633050443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790102412106533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958262680727814,0.0,0.0,0.27451134666011795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615958244649966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062557894196478,0.2938805983694913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731278260125886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162498815458629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805194263850645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33948479617734817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhereDidTheLoveGo,2018/01/24,If I fail I die I am on a PhD at the moment and terrified. Nothing is going well and on one of my modules (I did receive an A for another but that was the easy module) I received the lowest pass grade there is meaning that I barely escaped academic extinction. There is so much pressure on me to succeed (although my parents are supportive I cannot bear how dissapointed they will be if I fail). There is another assessment type thing coming up soon that basically decides if you pass or fail (overall) and I am completely pettrified that I might fail. I cannot bear the disgrace if I fail and I think I will kill myself as I will have ruined my way out of a life of failures.,4.6657777777777785,5.441233503703702,6.168148148148145,77.55666666666669,69.51851851851852,9.25925925925926,33.51851851851852,9.444778638647367,3.1408518518518527,533,25,102,11,9,182,84,135,0.279,0.631,0.091,-0.9846,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,1,6,7,11,1,1,8,0,17,1,0,1,0,17,22,14,2,4,6,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,6,2,8,1,1,2,0,22,3,12,15,1,15,0,6,0,0,5,6,0,6,2,84,27,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888291526232466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007858928968463,0.2443898181593105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419100139282079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247008676621472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25787890393969365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646379479251623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539027067304253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472710357583562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134754050868312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236555812867971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794742080914687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588182124019108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26450710725333604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485425089686922,0.14935428615387922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850155291491857,0.0,0.0,0.20957537806476295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ixyare,2018/01/24,"If I buy a gun, can I return it if I fail? I posted this in r/depression, but I wanted to post this here, too. If I buy a gun for the purpose of killing myself, and I fail/my boyfriend catches me, can I return it? I really don't have the money to waste on a failed suicide attempt.",0.8751612903225805,1.9184220000000032,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,79.0,6.250322580645161,23.690322580645162,6.742157984588678,0.6497316129032261,212,7,50,2,5,76,41,62,0.411,0.589,0.0,-0.9833,0,0,0,2,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,5,5,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,11,0,6,5,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,37,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126405416293864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015918103114233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6952832380292578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23253904252778534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39704933325367536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140993909358468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blbanks57,2018/01/24,"My family curse My mom comes from a very prominent American family. They started a very well known oil company I won't say directly, but it rhymes with Poconos. When I first started drinking in highschool my mom told me she was always worried about my brother and I because the men in her family have a history of addiction/dying young. My grandfather killed himself when he was in his 40's. Her half brother also died young due to his alcoholism and he smoked like 5 packs a day apparently. She also had a cousin who died in a car crash when he was 19. That's all that I know of but theres probably more.
To keep up with this tradition, I fell in love with this girl who ended up really fucking my head up. She was so beautiful, and we truly loved each other but she cheated on me with a close friend which just made things worse. I still couldn't get over her though. We didn't talk for a long time but eventually after highschool we reconnected and tried again. Things just weren't the same though and I asked her to get a gun and just shoot me. She said no you'll have to kill me first. She ended up killing herself about a year later. On top of this, before she she even died I had blood work done because I could tell there was something wrong with me. I woke up one morning sick and with a hard mass in my abdomen. I still don't know what it is though because I was too much of a pussy to read the results. And after kait died I just didn't care anymore. So for the past 4 years I've been feeling nothing but guilt, sorrow, and the knowledge that I most likely have some kind of cancer or terminal illness. Atleaste I know that when I do die, whether it be self inflicted or natural, I was following God's plan. Life can be so fucking cruel. ",3.758149923730663,4.989692456090651,4.446643059490086,87.3643380910874,72.03116147308782,7.923687077794727,26.891370668991065,8.384062270229773,1.6414921333623886,1379,47,290,22,26,441,196,353,0.238,0.652,0.11,-0.9961,1,0,4,2,0,2,30.0,3,1,1,5,26,18,7,1,17,0,27,13,3,2,1,48,48,29,8,2,12,5,2,2,1,2,5,2,0,3,17,21,2,1,6,2,0,4,7,10,1,4,18,5,50,8,37,24,7,46,0,1,0,4,43,17,2,4,27,200,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483118204228236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192337295521398,0.07383498117718419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800169664368553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829556429962139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227687249166342,0.0,0.07550731011293188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047167862814183,0.0,0.0,0.0764377105658514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084801556092378,0.0,0.0,0.05722700755252436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604668027430893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080714698714826,0.0,0.0869269335472029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718649510988006,0.0,0.0,0.0586089106385785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509555813629102,0.0,0.044867296552828916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095661257126206,0.0,0.0,0.06855676842991519,0.16406893916569495,0.09272119319387692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948951045017766,0.0,0.09106814514828536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887212195767625,0.2945177980781971,0.0924042890742236,0.14630000512159058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267645415768615,0.08670329189006247,0.0,0.0,0.07852805785924832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017436916333172,0.08396360367903592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785171215248824,0.0,0.0,0.06523074663568126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514403249246384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012941976274635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847080027875778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956717952341062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875943702095987,0.0,0.05684618478597785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844077083888496,0.07056597070816269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257039966196308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683128645811543,0.0,0.0,0.12561477958817313,0.0,0.14172844838940415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132217253692902,0.07755867170882179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790374551889188,0.0,0.2615463105043662,0.0,0.051742339299551125,0.0,0.0,0.0847905002620778,0.0,0.06024552811925515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464320357765516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978380283157258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460044547305607,0.0901151303463074,0.09042897788952307,0.0,0.09701825617459713,0.0,0.114285407443763
suicidewatch,MrRemingtune,2018/01/24,"Last Straw Exams for me have been the straw that broke the camel's back . They are stressing me out . They broke up my practically brand new workout schedule and really the deep thought has brought up every negative aspect of myself . And it's made me realize that I'm mostly negative. Despite my effort , I am out of shape . I understand that it's my fault for not trying hard enough . I am failing one of my classes and may fail the others soon as the exams go on . Still my fault because I'm just lazy and frankly fairly unintelligent . I find no interest in anything anymore . On top of that , im romantically alone and probably will be forever because confidence among other things that I'm missing. I used to write, go out more, and just overall be more confident . And now my life is falling apart. And it's my fault . I'm on antidepressants and they work most times . I'm just doing everything else that combats them . I want to die . Rather I deserve to die . I'm not giving anything to anyone , I am in fact taking and nobody deserves to be robbed for no good reason . I think I'll kill myself right after exams . I don't have high hopes for them . ",3.2384529147982057,5.381436825112113,4.421280269058297,83.22357959641256,75.3677130044843,7.150582959641255,26.39663677130045,8.07648339933343,1.760849506726458,904,34,171,15,20,296,129,223,0.255,0.6659999999999999,0.078,-0.9917,0,1,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,5,5,8,13,1,1,5,0,16,1,0,3,1,34,35,11,3,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,13,0,0,6,1,0,4,7,10,0,1,4,1,27,3,26,26,5,30,0,5,0,0,7,17,0,4,9,116,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738342793346286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027772246447866,0.11300430983235672,0.0,0.2659892051552836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242712378019461,0.0,0.197036864239357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354597614770343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500781089910036,0.0,0.0,0.16699052816042445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616681755359536,0.0,0.14524829794939795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771232474037374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550349346591836,0.18369799161197392,0.1355542074397951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477445527392593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075412968214207,0.0,0.16051922953401365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457092002260874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880201443674387,0.0,0.0,0.13173703083403232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415279145375495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529231330854304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608786811615266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095138709848399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424729328000724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353410645231224,0.1661661724727378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801752586449814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290651986418722,0.0,0.1851283619314087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215136614712462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736920151843136,0.1035557652103274,0.0,0.1283035127255892,0.0942384591912457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972533944113198,0.0,0.0,0.16824593812014838,0.0,0.13958265961981556,0.0,0.0,0.09532416101643902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765696191671217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DylanArcher8,2018/01/24,"I need somebody to talk to Hi, my names Dylan. For the past couple of years I’ve been suicidal, and I feel like there’s nobody to talk to. My parents don’t give a shit about me, and I don’t really have any friends that I’m close with. I really just want somebody to talk to, if anybody could spare the time.",3.8759090909090936,3.6982152272727298,4.9692424242424265,88.82386363636365,70.96969696969697,8.41818181818182,25.59090909090909,8.07648339933343,1.16789090909091,239,6,56,3,4,79,47,66,0.122,0.7659999999999999,0.112,-0.3935,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,11,10,3,1,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,10,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,1,4,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875494461702014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863919317905692,0.2583095130011692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804003277284013,0.16677771338772962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036395802761965,0.0,0.0,0.22394783718438435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405255277823068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310124112122766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592201317339469,0.0,0.22285575894670376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29910986534465805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963448803349555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553579203597664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629181317249508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612737775432862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769567315893327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033503550002275
suicidewatch,ch4mpl00,2018/01/24,"The suicide rate amongst transgender people is high for a reason I'm 22. 23 this year. I've always lived with my family except for a couple times I stayed with exes for a few months in the past.  I've struggled with overwhelming depression and anxiety since I was in middle school, and I've been in and out of therapy since then as well. I don't have any close friends or relatives. 

My family, and finances, are my biggest issue. I am transgender but not able to transition because my family doesn't approve. But even besides that my family has just always been toxic, abusive and negative to begin with. 

I haven't graduated college yet (I'm a community college student that is ready to transfer) and I don't have any particular skills so I can't land a job that's more than $10/hour. I only have $300 in my bank account and even if I worked full time up until August (when I need to move out for school) I would still not have enough to afford rent and other basic things. And to begin with keeping a job is extremely difficult when I feel suicidal literally everyday. Meanwhile, we have ignorant, idiotic, talentless people becoming famous and making more in a week than I could in a year. 

They say money doesn't buy happiness. It doesn't. But it does provide people freedom, which is a gateway to happiness. And the fact that I can't even be myself and have basic things like food and a roof over my head is fucking depressing and I just don't want to live through this anymore. I have a million other problems piled up on top of this and every single damn day it's so hard to not be sensitive and get ""triggered"" by anything. 

I don't fucking care anymore. I overdosed last year and my family didn't give a shit and my mom even said she rather I be dead than be anything lgbt. 

It's true, I dug this hole myself by not ""working hard enough"" and making the ""right"" choices. But I tried my best. No one knows what else I've been through. I tried my absolute best. 

It's hell. It's actually hell. To be called and referred to as your opposite gender feels horrible. But I know not many people on here can relate because trans people are a minority/rarity to begin with. To be judged by my appearance just because I want/NEED to feel NORMAL right now is fucking unfair. I'm constantly misunderstood and discriminated against. And I can't do anything. I just have to live like this every single day.

lmfao life is actually just one big fucking joke. it really is

I tried my hardest

Bye everybody",3.64883958531577,5.601961193018481,5.058455451494968,79.95208644263035,73.62012320328543,8.283047027595533,27.8944758852106,8.979522561349006,2.4326113988080342,1979,78,367,43,41,661,235,487,0.193,0.715,0.092,-0.9953,4,0,0,0,0,2,56.0,1,1,1,7,19,27,9,2,17,0,46,8,2,4,2,72,71,37,3,8,19,1,5,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,22,32,1,2,7,1,6,2,19,16,1,3,6,7,46,11,53,57,10,50,2,3,0,4,11,23,8,3,27,253,68,12,0.07309545904844589,0.08660616631449185,0.14266124776910366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164255496688993,0.0,0.0,0.09941483740607616,0.0,0.05591782610099158,0.0,0.14498210808059328,0.0,0.0,0.18045400398037725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367494016523132,0.0807281917004527,0.0,0.0,0.1534183492797864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463863625072079,0.0,0.07452569205686524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899022359380592,0.0,0.05836077621854829,0.08087873513925442,0.0,0.09428104809959197,0.0,0.12591402354120218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639663287949011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610618766305332,0.0,0.0,0.15105429768978448,0.0,0.1931154452872229,0.0,0.12317215365922755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445394673080646,0.0,0.11087778110309357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838731922568252,0.0,0.05647337033970338,0.27030229618301216,0.03818936044899771,0.07011982484966674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556229507232174,0.13095834779212792,0.0,0.07501702902415151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722936570386614,0.0,0.0,0.07198430320375443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629266845011465,0.14507192858244852,0.06497060253572999,0.0,0.0,0.08034270536325226,0.059582555045443165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162948441545775,0.07142149819363876,0.0,0.19363388853200167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758357302075844,0.07410732268917017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560851820290076,0.058344098041112465,0.0776889050716334,0.0,0.054199356695224084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161803023202462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906274955315172,0.05559239041387692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977788658533224,0.2533759386379031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994248255199023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682682278263433,0.07515430593331568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248462452811398,0.06953052024676783,0.05812844287222571,0.0,0.14795301387468016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503143830325829,0.12093063814501255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791003368534845,0.058374128017342576,0.0,0.0,0.07641524452310221,0.0,0.15990913665184986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359102775432077,0.0,0.09712275005980414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524509997851876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888105574584412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622719116962836,0.0,0.058632768198541574,0.0,0.06572159609628273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642872949996844,0.0,0.0,0.051924916896841186,0.0,0.0,0.14121323729531074
suicidewatch,geniiii,2018/01/24,Sleep is so peaceful Why couldn't it last forever?,0.3810000000000002,2.389129099999998,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,108.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.874,41,2,8,1,2,13,10,10,0.0,0.66,0.34,0.6269,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.517598478728494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354447490537184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5729762523159277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Princess_crimson,2018/01/24,"Taking the blame I have hurt myself hard today. Not enough to end my life, but there still was blood. I some last minute attempt I tried to reach my friends and send them a picture. Three closest friends saw it. Only one of them attepted to talked to me. It made really great impact on them they started crying and so on. But the don’t want to talk to me. I belive that this is really great burden on them and I believe that they truly care about me. But this is the time I need them the most and They refuse to talk to me. They make me feel guilty about What happend as if this was my choice. I am really scared that I have Lost them forever now. The one friend who talked to me told me I should beg for their forgivness for What I have done. I don’t know What to do, I feel so guilty and even more alone.",1.370357142857145,3.29080460714286,2.2014285714285715,97.98107142857144,80.30952380952381,5.628571428571429,17.047619047619047,6.6274283507984215,-0.44035238095238105,626,11,147,6,16,195,94,168,0.16899999999999998,0.6559999999999999,0.175,0.6413,0,1,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,11,2,8,11,0,1,6,0,13,2,1,2,0,22,26,12,0,4,5,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,7,4,34,7,19,18,4,12,0,2,1,0,23,4,0,3,7,107,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498199836246953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297776887997198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474864265085326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889781668094294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803330515858953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281222743442386,0.14946831059296506,0.0,0.0955439196300386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628483379586552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33528258595467314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189674877177759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958335712323846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485723322279218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794991511183319,0.11791394193555625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217480641580147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790910524179572,0.0,0.0,0.13687699898106814,0.09655899914209733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726058648258524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604529026789744,0.11001740174319677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780110012942661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482588524854684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238825696085756,0.0,0.11552246351849048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108763304686505,0.4650760334195743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435007328480189,0.0,0.1371169679529288,0.13822500118434575,0.0,0.09821192432992394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532185305822383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoGraidh,2018/01/24,"Planning my own funeral That's it. 

I chose the place, the music, the dresscode. (Wear whatever feels good for you...) 

The ones who I'd like to speak a few words on my funeral (each and everyone of my friends who wants to share a story). 
The decorations (none - I don't want this stuff. Whoever wants to give me flowers may so as he wishes but please no wreaths and pictures and all the creepy stuff. No lilies.)

I want no priest.

It feels weird. And kinda good.

I will get closure. And peace.

I have about a year left, to clear everything up. Give away and sell stuff to cover for my funeral. Say goodbye to a few precious Persons and places...

And I won't be alone in taking the last step. 

Only one person knows what I'm planning to do. And she will be with me when I'm doing it. I won't have to face my death alone.",0.4534337349397575,2.7724566927710868,1.9349518072289165,95.97315060240965,87.49397590361444,5.247710843373494,19.74578313253012,6.742157984588678,0.17197686746988028,625,19,140,8,20,201,102,166,0.136,0.685,0.179,0.8405,1,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,11,0,12,2,2,0,2,25,26,13,4,5,1,0,2,1,1,5,0,2,0,2,11,11,0,0,3,0,1,1,7,1,0,2,0,4,16,6,18,19,6,11,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,2,4,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959174764094594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422064080550636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365078026894936,0.12839236928234266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446750629171204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103724331019867,0.0,0.07463787987169734,0.27408655197268383,0.0,0.2396465377576921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851151630934132,0.11644907203590778,0.0,0.0,0.15521661473226722,0.0,0.0,0.06979364330482478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936097780632572,0.1086506322365067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494777653368532,0.2985142926871353,0.15681617437964854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136071325944363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906177913740454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741211509343183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370475263542421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428068669101378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199644890289084
suicidewatch,another-throwaway94,2018/01/24,"All the world’s a stage. And I want none of it. I made a failed attempt on my life Monday evening, I took some pills and fell asleep completely expecting nothing. It seems even when I expect nothing I’m destined to be disappointed. So I’ve made a new plan. And I’m going to follow through again. I’m gonna take a shower, have a shave, smoke another cigarette and write some more in my journal. And that will be my end. I can’t endure this world any more.

To all of you here: I’m sorry, I love you all and I’m sorry.

To my friends who may see this: know that I am no longer in pain

To my parents: I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the man you tried to raise. I’m so sorry. I love you all so much.

It’s time. Please don’t condemn me to life, I cannot take anymore.

I love you all and if there were any way I could cease existing and cause no further grief I would pursue that course of action relentlessly. I’m so sorry",-0.11196969696969816,1.9069459848484875,1.9846464646464632,96.8636363636364,86.62626262626263,5.014141414141415,18.595959595959595,6.351523495107088,-0.23257373737373754,707,19,169,7,22,236,107,198,0.138,0.762,0.101,-0.2732,2,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,0,3,10,8,0,0,7,0,14,8,1,3,5,29,37,14,1,7,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,4,1,24,4,14,24,11,19,0,3,1,3,13,6,0,5,6,101,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177433181850456,0.1247249546129886,0.0,0.0,0.11796218890633454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219001574989945,0.0,0.0,0.12471232050797693,0.0,0.0,0.09496847576786234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053505996864594,0.0,0.0,0.15712504763028473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189716535900187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675995916807727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536945498155955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680297541367619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32205945874602065,0.22509862550823287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743878755309897,0.0,0.0,0.11487851400424835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282632455551365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656662844419544,0.0,0.1320751416792977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305666777737569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478433594062627,0.10828371283464358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6657499558665165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886475136740596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935820371307888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215306739442978,0.08075633356865967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015726525344852,0.0944135731348886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844956241431669,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kevindongyt,2018/01/24,"Considering suicide... I’ve got enough of living as a whole. My grades are beyond unacceptable, and I’ve got mental disease (Asperger’s, to be precise).

I don’t feel like there’s hope anymore...

I’ve got a rope ready to strangle myself. Just asking for some support, otherwise I’ll hook it onto myself and then kill myself.",2.616487119437938,5.383639360655741,4.251194379391105,80.10475409836069,81.62295081967213,6.108665105386418,25.107728337236534,7.447530270364453,1.6720285714285708,255,10,43,4,7,85,47,61,0.122,0.711,0.16699999999999998,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,10,4,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,3,7,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23758973560878546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239662419979204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754054914649576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113413186372345,0.17114933849872596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5748196633633115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379477367078539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650494571743065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704213090333306,0.0,0.2115452956703026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414308933545896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620514351841439,0.27186196360070525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674721037165897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Em_Tim,2018/01/24,"What is going on? I feel so scared I feel in such despair that I can’t even do anything. I feel everything and nothing at the same time.

I’ve had the flu for the past 4 days which has kept me in bed, without eating. My depression has gotten so bad. It’s only the third week of school and I’m already missing assignments and quizzes. I’m trying to get back into eating but I’m nauseous (probably from hunger) so I don’t want to. My body is extremely weak. I tried doing laundry and immediately had to go back to bed. I’m filthy, haven’t showered, and I’m lightheaded. I feel like I’m dying.",0.6540766550522648,2.9168321138211404,2.8982171893147486,89.9321341463415,85.58536585365854,5.790708478513357,22.6068524970964,7.1686216300943375,0.882426713124274,462,17,98,7,14,157,79,123,0.124,0.815,0.061,-0.7461,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,11,6,1,0,0,15,28,9,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,4,6,3,1,4,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,4,4,10,1,13,24,1,13,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,57,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015881019509226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503272255214171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28093396316550057,0.15252727862013962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291245196665592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178112543981356,0.0,0.15733903428858476,0.0,0.189589405282364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37384740673906697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065613032276383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417789308174413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694669852160568,0.13050415507163846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544095128018502,0.0,0.2076385723756207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924652899804979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528306478800507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893373868163594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438542556686765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695620458061916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828910824709824,0.18487840884149306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652015820990056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24805075586359285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774735495293808,0.0,0.14653209970700767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609366356697626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PinkIce0226,2018/01/24,"I don't understand. How I can do from being fine to spending part of the day just thinking about killing myself. My life is in a great place right now and some days I just think about it. It seems inevitable that it will happen eventually.

Wanting to end my life has been my mood for the past 30 minutes. Before I was fine. I just dont think life is what I expected it to be.",1.8341208791208807,3.6310598846153854,2.976227106227107,93.57115384615385,78.35897435897436,5.995604395604397,22.68131868131868,6.868970318607317,0.4619318681318676,293,9,66,3,7,94,55,78,0.057,0.843,0.1,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,3,0,12,3,0,1,0,13,19,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,10,3,9,14,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093424597013813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742602125584141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492032237764595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883289176031981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344276279045049,0.0,0.0,0.1880298533724519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524590153528935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505649965337855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23025983068153985,0.20298138801506346,0.0,0.0,0.22215527574242264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158664152606885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357226720015566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40873816924526796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213575026959612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254159147314339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roeeba97,2018/01/24,Im pathetic I just broke up with my gf after half a year and i knew i wasnt into her about 3 months in hut i ws too scared to break up and had to get drunk the first time i tried. Im drunk and ttied to talk to girls but nah. Life is meaningless is a cliche but i dunno.no one is happy and ehenevr people tall about meanong pr whatever its so werid because they just kinda of passively and knowingly ignore how none of us knows whats gping on qns they say find a purpose and meajing but its distraction that we find because wewre.too scared to die. I dont want tp be scared to die. I dont enjoy living qnd i dont think anyone does. I never want children because its just suffering. How could my parents have me. Why am i scared to kill mysled. Even when im dead drunk and start vomiting a little im scared ill choke hut why i hate this survival instinxt thing and i dunno im too drunk to make sense ,0.032883944153578426,2.3076757853403147,1.723174083769635,96.88294611692844,89.57591623036647,4.8587260034904025,18.953097731239094,6.42735559955562,-0.04714153577661362,709,21,160,8,24,230,119,191,0.395,0.583,0.022,-0.998,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,2,2,12,13,2,6,5,0,12,7,0,3,1,33,22,15,4,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,7,11,4,1,6,4,0,0,6,11,0,3,3,1,21,2,19,17,1,16,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,2,8,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939508238204943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149824701122694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792398228477837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060032738405864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685080786023054,0.0,0.34894657574437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555102015961096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814180177624912,0.08441856234887858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185191755018111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564916923121646,0.0,0.09798483793339996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536013334113137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980094954185042,0.0,0.10908596753845838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010035616186751,0.0,0.09947052414788593,0.0876360004028803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624744854371138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921717791550094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654460219324342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725163058156261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102008929241453,0.0,0.0,0.06880465200247736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892437034017326,0.4968125946853183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024680086537381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977014277958741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593460546522432,0.06359280339455853,0.0,0.0,0.0578711170293912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673814917432065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938066930156882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707567643303173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910808323806793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639111439341808
suicidewatch,thisworldsucks123,2018/01/24,"You’re all great people, I wish I was more like YOU Meh... ya know when you’re just so done with everything...yeah? Me too. Like right now. If I’m honest, I didn’t even want to write this. That’s the lazy useless piece of shit I’ve become, I didn’t even want to write out this short post that takes barely any time at all. 

I see all of you on this sub helping others, even when you’re suicidal or seriously depressed yourself, and that’s awesome, man. The fact that you gain satisfaction out of helping others even though you’re going through the same shit is inspiring, so I’d like to just say thank you to all you guys on this sub, who knows how many lives you’ve saved? How many mothers you have given hope to? How many doggos still get to wag their tales because their human was saved by great people like yourselves. You should all be fucking proud if nothing else in this cold world. 

I’m too far gone though I think, I’ve just had ANOTHER argument with my better half, who is 7 months pregnant with my first child. (A boy btw) and every time we argue, it gets worse. For example, about an hour ago I smashed a mirror over my head, and then proceeded to cut the fuck out of myself with scissors until I bled so much it was genuinely worrying. But I just don’t have the ability to think when I’m in these situations; I black out.  It’s progressively getting worse though, like it only started off as I would punch myself, now I cut myself, I’m 99% sure next time I will progress to something worse, until the point my GF is going to find me dead one day. My Gf doesn’t deserve it, she’s awesome. Does everything for me and more. Can’t say a bad word about her. And of course I don’t want to die because of her and the baby.(oh, and the doggo) however, for some reason, I always really do want to die, it gives me comfort thinking about suicide. 

I just want to know guys, does it get better? Or shall I just get it over and done with now, so  girlfriend can move on and find someone who is actually prepared to treat her like the princess she is. Please help guys. You’re literally all I’ve got right now. (Oh yeah,except the doggo, dam it!) 

TLDR - about to have a baby, but am so depressed I don’t even see myself making it to the birth. 
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suicidewatch,IAmAWorkaholic,2018/01/24,"No longer afraid of death I've become fascinated about dying and have thought of creative ways for suicide.

My only problem is choosing a method, and finding a way to have a certified last will. Notaries won't touch the latter, and don't think anyone in my household will approve of this. As for the former, I can't find the perfect selection.

My question to everyone is - Why isn't assisted suicide an option to Californians?",4.6626039783001785,7.106511607594937,5.540542495479205,75.4407594936709,72.16455696202532,7.552260397830018,34.070524412296564,8.418075326091056,3.1601992766726963,343,18,55,6,7,112,57,79,0.234,0.698,0.068,-0.9413,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,0,1,12,12,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,11,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,37,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787874380180936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493690939730037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23433604353948315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575355967881465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.412738882413451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405029835686834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172469415321046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605207718426592,0.0,0.0,0.2529382783152713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939587482999872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467814678126806,0.0,0.17925331736927644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584457409609416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374180861042274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phracea,2018/01/24,"Too dumb to kill myself correctly... Well just got back from the woods. I jumped and then hit the ground with my tippie-toes. The rope(sheet) is still there. It looked much higher from upon the tree but I obviously miscalculated like an idiot. Took so much to work up the nerve and now here I am. But you know what they say, ""practice makes perfect""....",2.1059090909090905,4.8449722424242445,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,84.15151515151516,5.118181818181818,17.340909090909093,6.6274283507984215,-0.21150909090909087,272,6,56,3,8,82,55,66,0.133,0.8,0.067,-0.6858,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,1,2,9,6,3,0,6,0,2,0,0,1,3,11,8,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,2,7,3,7,5,2,9,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,5,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413446572336168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251028432645197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34724777551254393,0.0,0.1724933150642992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333975791054824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26356956703450146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950892716476427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614573070707647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24959995472450355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506549116107984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487182308191412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822044871580812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22849920582743985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slipped4,2018/01/24,"Sick of wasting air. I'm out of ideas, much less reasons to live, so I guess I'd have ended up here sooner or later.  My childhood is literally the only thing I look back on to relive the good times in my life, and even then, that's only up to the point I was raped in my sleep by a woman I loved and looked up to like a big sister.  I never recovered from it.  My failure to do so cost me every single romantic relationship I've ever attempted.  I've done everything I could to see the good in people since, to convince myself that love really does exist in humanity, and to be inspired to spread it any way I could, just like so many people I idolized and told myself I'd grow up to be just like.  I'm now 28.  A man, rather a facade of one.  No accolades, no achievements, and anything I wanted to accomplish, I've given up on, or was convinced to keep away from.  I've wasted my existence getting lost in books and videogames, just looking for a way to escape reality.  But it always keeps coming back.  Like I'm skydiving, exhilarated, just to realize I jumped without a parachute and I'm about to hit the ground.  And as I do, as I come back, I see the world's still turning.  Friends and family going off, getting married, achieving their dreams, or something at least vaguely resembling them.  All while I'm just... there.  Cheering them on, feeling happy for them, glad they did something while feeling empty that I couldn't do what they did.  And I'm sick of it.  And I don't know what else to do.

With the way the world's gone to hell, we could all be wiped off the face of the planet at a moment's notice.  As much of a waste of my life as it's been till now, I see no problem with beating the nukes to the punch.  I guess I only wanted to come here to look for guidance.  If it doesn't work, well, I guess you wouldn't know, but don't feel bad.",3.921240105540897,4.432718242744064,5.2047218997361515,84.74891926121377,71.05804749340369,7.85819525065963,26.76949868073878,7.839951260653429,1.4191715250659633,1430,44,303,17,25,478,189,379,0.084,0.7909999999999999,0.124,0.8926,0,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,1,1,6,7,22,21,2,0,20,0,23,9,2,1,4,57,62,28,0,10,13,1,3,4,1,1,4,0,0,3,12,18,0,2,9,2,1,7,10,5,1,1,10,10,36,16,61,43,7,52,1,1,7,3,17,25,1,7,21,205,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760188382525933,0.0,0.0,0.06342170850483424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674710360202355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762320312882897,0.21513935251852928,0.07787030468893215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410121966835265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338758885637366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161465561491026,0.09543993319493747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790886433986427,0.0,0.08260290676545815,0.0,0.0,0.061599011769036725,0.08436128445918989,0.07857769151077171,0.0,0.08381833514057249,0.0,0.08791959926371071,0.0,0.14146898986636425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205438796505664,0.0,0.09745162994087822,0.0,0.05300323667457587,0.15644834602966204,0.0,0.0,0.3082175253012467,0.0,0.0,0.09927968173518167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528202780955744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579201748622147,0.0,0.0,0.10250927875533668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317481452985573,0.18225341639551487,0.0,0.08235250964918572,0.0,0.31326809631424457,0.0,0.10180705239948404,0.0,0.168346122521096,0.0,0.0,0.09455355237303796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711735932076827,0.0,0.07192980124301727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617999179697477,0.0,0.0,0.06319709401308532,0.21279103634285185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293129705119827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816322205761899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923963175431722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974635541769242,0.09588939856767416,0.0,0.10012903889899584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229544498417049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771477163957803,0.0,0.09332986836275517,0.0,0.0,0.1435960813283322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447956518235985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061959471082978335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438212266263418,0.0,0.0,0.08911633003648199,0.0,0.0,0.10144283562962672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001729573248882,0.22208233087231327,0.0,0.0,0.08385420162315002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990173665853475,0.0,0.06789622188200957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sorrowful43,2018/01/24,"It all depends on next week. Next week I'll get my exam results. If I fail any of them, I'm gonna get kicked out of college, which will trigger a chain of events leading to any hope for a decent future being ruined. So, yeah, if I don't pass those exams, I gotta do it. Finishing this uni is my only hope for a good life, so without it, I have virtually no reasons to live. 

Don't know yet how I'm gonna do it if I have to do it(I still hope it won't be the case, but heaven knows). I pretty much hate myself and my life so far, but I got this opportunity to make things better, which I might or might not manage.

You might think it's an extreme measure for just some exams. It's not. If I fail, I'll have to go back to my shithole of a country, the place I fucking hate, the place I've been waiting for years to leave. I just can't conceive living there again. I really don't want to die, but what can I do about it? Wish me luck, guys, maybe it won't be the case.",2.4962977867203238,2.6269336431924906,4.304134808853121,91.3023591549296,74.07042253521126,6.8368879946344725,23.19550637156271,6.18269132825596,0.2886407780013407,738,17,181,4,14,252,120,213,0.107,0.72,0.172,0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,1,5,12,14,3,0,9,1,23,3,0,7,1,37,45,13,1,9,13,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,16,2,0,1,4,0,0,3,10,6,0,0,2,0,21,8,20,31,3,20,1,3,0,1,3,5,1,14,12,115,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751648125156069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990324533903213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390531624492388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366489213597602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906535349456175,0.13457613245024053,0.0,0.07319498507450914,0.1080239158117827,0.10300605714887212,0.0,0.0,0.1275234984035729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543092165314632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38375605003015145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156050836221135,0.0,0.0,0.1363712440538921,0.0,0.0,0.18193801235062645,0.0,0.0,0.2274499103377163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859691003816874,0.0,0.1293880324364451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098812089622775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467632260421813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27394172272040423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979514818735297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26911870393432313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310269125048782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250691594371974,0.13241876416070264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285278794103722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556312492739614,0.08252417593067704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596436391723255,0.0,0.20661700238602115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148103479688534,0.124150083763664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293728542255867
suicidewatch,livingroboto,2018/01/24,"Tomorrow I'm going to end it all I've tried many therapies, none seem to work and I'm still very scared and panicky.

Tomorrow I'm going to my own house and end it all. I hate the feelings, I hate to be alone and I hate to disappoint my family and friends.

Going to write my thankyou letter and then I'll will be gone and nobody hasn't to be worried about me anymore.

Thanks all for the help, but I don't want to fight anymore.",0.4590109890109879,2.593451879120881,2.4820769230769244,93.47542307692308,85.15384615384616,5.837802197802197,21.18791208791209,7.1686216300943375,0.5824540659340656,335,11,75,5,10,112,52,91,0.16899999999999998,0.722,0.109,-0.5634,0,1,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,4,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,3,15,20,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,1,1,8,2,10,15,5,10,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829461070494216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503594798318977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31290180055436656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652077990273167,0.0,0.08931465688304198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647187862362906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011663058863309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5231872594663646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839828790749725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038192214107465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908556699064662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684778268685236,0.0,0.0,0.16080671974108746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106519348185947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626266809143359,0.20200360851655866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992718719687752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574676921606747,0.10418704157882383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859626198168778,0.17938682660262886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Heston94,2018/01/24,Everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I are about to lose our apartment because I'm too useless and anxiety ridden to get a fucking job. The last place I worked sent me to a mental hospital back in October and since then I haven't been able to get a job. If an employer calls I can't answer. I freak out and shut down completely. I've applied for disability but I probably won't get approved and if I did it would be too late because it takes them 20 god damn years to do anything. I just want to blow my head off. I'm not cut out to survive in the world and I should have just stayed single and living with my parents because now I'm bringing my girlfriend down with me. I fucking can't take much more of this. ,2.8716666666666697,4.108905757961787,4.1685509554140125,88.47898354564757,74.22292993630573,7.271549893842888,28.36995753715499,7.793537801064563,1.6152084925690025,592,24,128,8,12,195,97,157,0.08900000000000001,0.855,0.055,-0.6025,4,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,4,7,7,4,0,6,0,15,3,1,0,0,23,29,12,0,5,6,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,3,0,19,0,20,22,3,23,0,2,0,2,7,12,3,2,6,86,23,4,0.16853208706912706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892658531527454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868754779343634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959077209126013,0.0,0.30820678805718643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209010391453072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670268683484186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514657728460246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116103976110738,0.264153178764732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296254284122092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33448418297693444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926208275583484,0.13737614463935952,0.1901115349549872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881692053300807,0.0,0.0,0.18854429659202052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984070459576253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389047554628135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713493826242733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608016076100075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817060944299596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941148398611553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963278090798082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343031079792144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940459146918128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269336659379396,0.0,0.0,0.11972035923210587,0.0,0.0,0.10852913853099608
suicidewatch,whyyyshouldicare,2018/01/24,"Is it so bad that I want to kill myself? I don't think I'll be able to do it but as the days pass, I just don't see suicide as a bad thing anymore. When I hear news about people committing suicide or dying, I end up thinking how jealous I am. 

It's not that I want to be happy or anything. I have good days too. I could lead a successful life but I just don't want to try. I'm sick of dealing with the voices in my head and I'm tired of nothing ever being enough. 

I don't know if this makes any sense... my mind feels kind of clouded? I'm probably gonna delete this.. It's just... 

What's the big deal about suicide? Why do people care about someone they never met to the point of trying to talk them out of it? Why is it considered selfish when the person who was suffering was you...? Are you supposed to continue living every day even though you're unhappy just for the sake of others? Yes, I get that it passes the pain on to others but I just can't seem to care... I'm so fucking tired. I just want it all to be over. ",0.3015055532702604,2.1126938461538494,2.4770485396955984,95.1954247223365,83.3891402714932,5.285150143973674,19.547716988893466,6.351523495107088,-0.07259457013574666,784,21,184,7,22,265,126,221,0.183,0.642,0.175,-0.6438,0,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,2,2,2,18,14,3,0,9,1,19,7,1,3,4,35,41,15,5,6,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,18,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,3,4,21,6,28,32,2,19,0,1,1,1,11,7,1,4,9,121,39,2,0.11587382085947145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879817166706794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491569406811444,0.0,0.0,0.09535428147795064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934996007298558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23628216590313456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251581721767084,0.0,0.0,0.22418708535699933,0.23892164260743035,0.0,0.0,0.12025873193512912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262981210932283,0.1197286319726006,0.0,0.0765335658456491,0.10481450486883208,0.09762869167101887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858928544530754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712348021870743,0.06053928888348679,0.0,0.0,0.09718946334073043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123349836969851,0.0,0.0,0.11891996979994494,0.0,0.13059821756140924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819721464615386,0.12066475328117465,0.06368122158215464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184510646904294,0.0,0.0,0.10231870672572267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734667519866217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699952715483113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893690340412908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118405624889324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329791510629415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066463501854444,0.10117655091286704,0.0,0.0,0.10953821444101523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493157713293605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233643299083848,0.10548717459410624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981795123894688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802414588143244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931349879845198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698141778102861,0.1484945312538595,0.11384544067090792,0.0,0.0,0.266359822700626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573414364124325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27338152692037426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091162006115455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacc2b,2018/01/24,"No hope 24, autistic, no money, no job, no prospects, no family, no friends, no wants, no dreams, no goals, nothing, yet I can't get euthanasia because I'm young, as if that means anything, this is a cruel, selfish world that I'm fed up of being a part of, yet I can't make decisions for myself, I just want all the pain to go away however there is no recourse. What can i do other than end it? I have been dealt a terrible hand and the dealers fucked off with no options to twist. ",4.327878787878788,4.262443353535357,5.386414141414144,85.83295454545456,70.01010101010101,8.620202020202019,30.641414141414145,8.344100000000001,2.0197595959595955,368,14,81,5,6,122,72,99,0.343,0.531,0.126,-0.9735,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,5,0,9,4,1,1,1,12,20,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,13,5,0,0,2,1,6,2,11,17,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,4,56,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093933330697307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522494162371818,0.0,0.0,0.16366526377085705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377970020160759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531026805476516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742995750554755,0.24820899422871526,0.1402717310379893,0.0,0.15258555990227274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666650440606385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664287946698736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792150555489738,0.0,0.0,0.2924576227955281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576174963646049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856857472941431,0.0,0.0,0.2907418473893974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167174633380077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iiScourge,2018/01/24,"Out of options I have to either go to class, fail everything, and be fucked for graduation, or still be fucked for graduation, except this time my parents call 911 on me and ship me off so I’m no longer their problem.

No matter how horrible my anxiety is my mom will always push me to the limit and this time it’s off the edge. I’m going to kill myself tonight.",5.896216216216217,5.165798216216217,6.9331081081081125,78.30614864864866,66.83783783783784,10.102702702702704,30.66216216216216,9.516144504307137,2.495902702702704,284,9,59,5,4,96,53,74,0.326,0.662,0.012,-0.9826,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,2,4,5,3,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,11,6,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,0,12,8,1,11,0,1,0,2,4,4,2,2,4,41,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790956888985386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003415561641492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674141964931308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353656428840747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842175244281102,0.0,0.0,0.2976709297297815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897373096346583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067169264895993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290792660431494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25058888682729197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091419581583536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054148770773133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FurryJackman,2018/01/24,"Goodbye. This is the last parental abuse I can take. My Dad just woke up and said ""Shut the fuck up, you fucking retard.""

I had a panic attack yesterday and everything in the world is out to get me and nobody wants to help cause I'm just such a failure.

I lost nearly all my friends partly due to my autism, and I stand to lose so many more if I continue living.

I've planned out my suicide. I'm not going to give my rent to my parents this month, they'll threaten eviction, and I will commit suicide right there and then.

I want to kill myself. I just want to die.",1.5204895104895115,3.4292358119658144,2.7786946386946423,94.08524475524479,79.76923076923076,5.28018648018648,22.602175602175606,6.11248444174946,0.2684427350427354,438,14,96,3,11,141,78,117,0.324,0.601,0.075,-0.9901,5,0,0,0,1,5,15.0,0,1,1,3,6,8,4,1,5,0,6,2,0,1,2,19,20,9,4,4,5,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,7,0,0,4,1,18,1,14,14,3,17,0,2,0,2,9,9,2,1,6,62,20,0,0.0,0.19749154396064192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962544290473107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122887489444594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299015214894786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980351175956005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877851053410388,0.3081906293799157,0.08708474325667054,0.159897072704086,0.09472952397775744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117237874959213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440952527815013,0.0,0.0,0.1358685101741482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718372927559456,0.0,0.0,0.1864751172559183,0.18195367333119386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689899253077174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330444065759588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556603721740307,0.3701624518579261,0.18050093876020293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234597135224766,0.15855325758280472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646472720673088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532451995751925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949410274144044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlashyPenguin,2018/01/24,"It's always just me and my jokes I love to make other people laugh.  i love telling jokes and seeing them smile because for a minute I feel happy seeing them happy.


But those same people always leave and then it's just me and my jokes. my bad jokes.


You know how people like Robin Williams and Chris Farley always like seem so happy they're always telling jokes and then one day you wake up to the news about them dying.

I understand how they reached that point.

 I met a guy 2 weeks ago and we hit it off.  We make each other laugh and spend time playing video games and watching tv.  I smile at work again because I think I found someone.  

Fast forward to now.  ""Now isn't a good time."" he says.  ""I just have a lot going on.""

For the past 2 weeks I've just been a good lay.  

I'm tired of this cycle of being happy when I think I found someone who wants to be a part of my life and they leave. They always leave. I'm never enough.  The smiles and laughs and what I thought were fun times aren't ever enough.

So it always ends up being just me and my jokes. And I'm ready to walk into traffic.

",0.6220704845814957,2.80233363876652,1.6225656387665204,99.6020599118943,84.8590308370044,3.8082114537444935,15.247400881057267,4.2716492549557765,-1.237484792951542,844,14,192,1,25,263,121,227,0.069,0.672,0.258,0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,2,6,1,15,22,0,0,9,0,8,5,1,4,2,43,30,22,1,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,11,18,0,0,9,10,1,3,3,1,0,1,6,5,30,21,17,20,6,28,0,0,3,2,20,8,0,2,21,114,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465034875234152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767557743456008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973414127870164,0.11642544671864136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615862243618479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910849103507853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845800188451629,0.19734324248320892,0.0,0.0,0.08638048355392951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048285023281637564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094101651382838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427187652753291,0.16019295898454686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455483258412513,0.0,0.4066238189871947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248142631075088,0.0,0.0,0.3033455083704799,0.0,0.0,0.06745077775414912,0.0933078386520777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118623562467643,0.1723755104136187,0.0,0.1274869964478727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365145105531906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470972526140548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341152631356673,0.09116056016264093,0.19861214171099453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902734210583726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594127126699274,0.0,0.0,0.1521939304369203,0.08693484896560595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182481166904222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693327019353135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237838103490163,0.0,0.07581217779887846,0.16705129903136706,0.109757186340823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994134198179274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632528751542025,0.0,0.1532002831965645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952132741044321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nxcross,2018/01/24,"I wish I had a way to end it now But i guess thats my rational side looking out for me. I have knives but no guns or pills, nowhere high enough to jump from. Maybe that needs to change, though. Im an idiot, but surely I can find something to take this pain away

But first, I need more alcohol
",0.6414285714285732,2.380827666666672,1.8034126984127,100.83464285714287,81.85714285714286,5.469841269841268,18.436507936507933,6.42735559955562,-0.4343206349206352,225,5,57,2,6,71,50,63,0.187,0.728,0.085,-0.8344,0,0,2,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,12,9,6,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,8,1,8,8,2,9,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,3,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386013199525877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097638799252076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361837110916752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774563811308413,0.23069139700468985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405925368671896,0.18990824663039094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595046996504916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589067688228826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241163435196283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748553178045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242986994198453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310948580477842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375686401406966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187953696009314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104236803107791,0.0,0.16786674447203864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193557490659085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721657324836762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25674258467458266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HipocondriacoPT,2018/01/24,"I'm having suicidal thoughts due to potential sickness. I am 29 years old and suffer from hypochondria (undiagnosed). I go to the doctor at least once a month with various symptoms that I think I have and I have anxiety attacks because of it. I always have a thermometer and a blood pressure device inside my backpack that I use several times a day.

I write my blood pressure and temperature in a book I have always with me, I write what I ate, the times I went to the bathroom and the appearance of my feces (smell, consistency etc.)

I am always seeing on the Internet the symptoms that I have and I always conclude that I have something serious (cancer etc.). Lately I've had bowel problems (lots of gas, several bathroom calls a day, feeling unwell) so I went to the doctor and he decided to have my feces checked along with a colonoscopy and endoscopy of my stomach.

This causes me great anxiety to the point of having suicidal thoughts because I can not deal with a potential serious illness. I think I'm going crazy and I can't handle this anymore.

How do I deal with this?",5.619243697478988,6.841012352941181,6.520308123249304,74.26852941176473,67.62745098039215,9.357983193277313,35.159663865546214,9.606745405546679,3.6147252100840346,856,42,145,18,14,284,104,204,0.172,0.799,0.029,-0.975,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,2,16,0,15,12,4,4,0,31,30,11,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,15,1,0,7,1,1,5,2,7,0,0,6,3,28,1,21,24,5,18,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,2,9,106,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39963289243410977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370711293797948,0.0,0.119077610666787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659745722498548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463876491762516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260534193947133,0.0,0.0,0.12334541481243873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487099873894847,0.2475746987301265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457943623498976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26782055524856196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060711221196351736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364775939481496,0.0,0.0,0.1323780818475101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544468403232712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020795926794819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583907812103884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259937267227201,0.12787109785918302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350537416247848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148911933569721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568059356214392,0.0,0.0,0.27129083663376724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924360893297768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626751420348514,0.0,0.0,0.2495983185888256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387257695466008,0.0,0.19064503164380625,0.1400280760278465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037023071108756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226129980325288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732142544697186
suicidewatch,throwaway16022000,2018/01/24,"I decided a day I don’t think I can live with myself anymore. It’s too much for me and I don’t deserve life. I hate myself and it won’t go away so I think this is my goodbye. 
I’ve lurked on this sub and the depression one for ages on my other account, and it’s always been comforting to me to know that there are other people who are in similar pain and that I’m not alone, although I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. I know my pain will not go, but I hope for all of you who are suffering, your life will get better and you will live a fulfilling life full of happiness.
I hope you all make it!! I believe in you :)))
",2.7103399668325068,3.054746037313436,4.482338308457713,89.44516583747931,73.70149253731344,8.045107794361526,25.33665008291874,8.167268648758528,1.2227804311774464,475,14,113,7,9,162,75,134,0.147,0.7509999999999999,0.102,-0.7296,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,5,0,1,3,10,1,0,3,0,13,5,0,1,2,22,26,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,1,0,23,5,14,20,4,11,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,2,2,84,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112815568608026,0.0,0.0,0.14551836046926375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734389636176921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643102490538005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703554880242105,0.0,0.15467160327780258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278638093807533,0.0,0.15062822604138273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137021367925938,0.0,0.19878239342272452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616837378001205,0.0,0.17266276740176376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474006041888925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222448530956748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705794206339616,0.0,0.0,0.3088533832932034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673712015156723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128560624669645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850662708026555,0.0,0.3721800191988124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124326452361794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241185402256603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011091616232432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Einarth,2018/01/24,"Feeling like everyone would be much happier without me. I'm not sure I can keep feeling this way. Have you ever felt like if you disappeared or just died that no one would even notice. Not even the people you hold so dear to your heart. I've been screaming for help for a year and no one even cares. No matter what I'm wrong. For once I'd like to be acknowledged and respected. I just want to feel loved, I just want to feel anything other than despair and distrust. At this point in time I'd prefer to not exist at all than continue on fucking up everything and everyone else's lives, I'm only bringing them down. I wish I could take back all the hurtful things I've done to people, I wish I could rip out the parts of my brain that cause me anxiety and hold memories that I wish didn't exist at all. 

Most of all, I wish my wife loved me like I love her, I wish she had the same feelings for me that I do for her, I wish I could know for sure whether she's being faithful. I wish I knew how to trust her. If my marriage and family collapse, I'm as good as dead. I'm terrified that these past 6 years were for nothing. 

Just need someone to talk to. Someone to help me understand my mind or understand what I'm going through. ",3.012291021671828,4.130563215686276,4.081857585139321,89.70204334365326,73.70588235294117,7.564499484004128,25.970072239422088,8.032893268588372,1.3403725490196083,960,32,212,14,19,312,136,255,0.146,0.603,0.251,0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,1,0,11,21,2,0,5,0,16,6,2,2,7,63,51,15,2,18,13,1,6,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,3,12,0,0,3,8,6,0,2,7,7,35,15,33,36,8,20,1,2,0,4,18,9,1,5,11,139,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265619711687329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739986412384902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629789809512299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914317488766457,0.0,0.0,0.08350640175733767,0.08413778323934358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961806039475978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500323285439837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381604291785166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842013084662893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229009937335215,0.07408669308678452,0.0,0.15652521733775507,0.07360987104942514,0.0,0.07721163100728555,0.0,0.20706515831909772,0.0585121044369504,0.07864051017588382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571876059791043,0.0,0.0,0.046547827635497016,0.06869703721641238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705641949859377,0.10979680641836906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767973188220196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279987730439576,0.0,0.0,0.0450121967818554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005627476006926,0.0,0.07232257245036586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176418231761535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269950872225565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020873071095997,0.060730643758761325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858892299080061,0.09324804043287452,0.0,0.08722489385286708,0.11100029446301488,0.062291544840801336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869385417188529,0.07818646254940652,0.11356359045358327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742558231536406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879367957538652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438675964598753,0.0,0.061581478598517425,0.0658311870011257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054413257780169616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775877533092196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705295274981915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661798863569816,0.06501143896678567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6592974459136896,0.07895235847211222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636424572335274,0.08954896826013069,0.0,0.10548674782774853
suicidewatch,coolusername899,2018/01/24,"I have no one to turn to. Killing myself on my birthday tomorrow. Please help me Tomorrow I turn 24 and I am killing myself. Reasons behind this aren’t important because I don’t want to be talked out of it. Unfortunately much like many of you guys I am scared my attempt will not be successful so that is why I haven’t done it yet. 

My question is if I hook up a hose to an oxygen mask and then connect that to my exhaust pipe on a cold night (2013 Toyota) will that be enough to kill me? I figure I will fill up my tank, take an ambien, and just breathe it all in and effectively not wake up.

PLEASE help me and advise me regarding this method/carbon monoxide in general. How Can I do this correctly",2.119510489510489,4.042019132867136,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,77.95104895104896,7.197202797202798,24.98601398601399,8.139509932561175,1.4558783216783218,548,20,117,10,13,182,88,143,0.184,0.7120000000000001,0.104,-0.939,1,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,1,0,3,4,7,3,1,4,0,17,3,2,3,2,19,21,9,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,1,1,22,2,17,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,6,87,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353331145839574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380599873500258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549083953785166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816899067583727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276812759600452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5637106961135949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297558474498444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219180749604676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248524531758394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938398722691388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150884506557553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728681624999303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902604486195569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746245217095078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004016495705454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769906593996302,0.13651151744130374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694758110340591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017644251622153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153254810489625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paracetamolhelp,2018/01/24,is 28000mg of paracetamol going to hurt me i have 56 500mg tablets of paracetamol. is it going to kill me? i dont want to die i just want to have break from life. ,-1.690540540540539,0.22419129729729906,1.0095135135135145,101.00508108108109,95.4864864864865,5.122162162162162,15.508108108108113,6.742157984588678,-0.4566389189189186,126,3,33,2,5,43,24,37,0.266,0.655,0.079,-0.7505,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,7,9,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668602458218465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142802334145881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017858360300651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37841158402758096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910773124078303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24967597275801134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169876588390312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jamona13,2018/01/24,"Prepare to roll your eyes... I'm 23, was just dismissed from the University of Pittsburgh and just let go from my Student job. Thousands of dollars in student debt and behind months worth of rent. I see it plain as day, my life isn't over, I've been through worse. I'm just tired, I've failed so many times that it's getting difficult to summon any strength. Thankfully the more time I spend failing, the more doors close. Those stars I've been shooting for come closer to the ground every time I miss.

I attended the Swanson School of Engineering on a whim, and found myself in a depressing city with broken people. My relationships have been uninspired, my jobs all dead-end, and I can't help but realize that I'm the constant factor. I only have superficial interests, spend my days watching Youtube videos ad nauseam, I think the site preys on the bored and the depressed alike. I spend my days entertaining myself, and think that maybe my secret passion is entertaining others. I'm definitely critical, so maybe I can be a writer, director, or even a Youtuber.

Irresponsibly, I bought a condensor microphone and wrote a script, I wanted to make someone laugh. After a week of struggling to release my first 2-3 minute video, I've realized that anything I'm going to want to do will require hard work. I feel like I just don't have it in me, 5 years of misery has beaten all the joy out of my life. I kicked a 9 month spice/bath salts addiction years ago, but find that I'm still that weak piece of garbage waiting for the next source of entertainment.

I'd say I don't have any passions in life, but really, I don't have any passion for life. I feel like trying to continue with making videos, or really anything creative will help, but I can't express enough how it just feels like I'm moving through quicksand. Like there's some small voice within me begging me to keep going, but all I can muster are expressionless, labored movements.

If it weren't for the trouble it would cause my loved ones, I would have jumped off to the next life in seconds. I hope that by writing this embarrassing, whiny, drivel, I've at least shown that I'm authentically unhappy and more importantly I hope you forgive me for taking up your time.

Thank you for reading, I'd appreciate any feedback at all really.",7.373767123287671,7.1444759315068485,7.180011415525116,76.0907020547945,63.65753424657535,10.222374429223743,34.688356164383556,9.725611199111238,3.1613999999999995,1830,72,343,32,24,581,239,438,0.126,0.6890000000000001,0.184,0.987,4,0,0,1,0,0,57.0,0,4,0,7,11,32,1,2,21,0,29,13,1,4,4,57,64,20,0,7,13,0,4,4,0,4,8,2,2,0,17,13,0,3,11,7,8,8,7,12,0,4,8,10,42,20,49,50,11,47,0,5,3,4,14,19,0,6,24,200,59,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197939376685072,0.0,0.0,0.08292324730162799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544590638229509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539614478550776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609793057626012,0.0,0.08058194817910605,0.0,0.10109043514674068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180989084690208,0.0,0.16114276997508342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285435231924895,0.09665844701725236,0.0,0.06178652088020167,0.0,0.0788168841969762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418996254201732,0.20048871982012095,0.0,0.0,0.08549972308008001,0.07957052769804747,0.0,0.10256880903137644,0.0,0.0,0.04887413771123489,0.0,0.1594937400192889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379920806707612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540437214363934,0.0,0.0,0.18582538320087427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566075294824969,0.08314834650750252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956575411546224,0.3303729758254387,0.18280820088204586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442928640844774,0.0,0.12488590880018433,0.09484137602562244,0.18795988264331312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933570234083135,0.09942502834466077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897533444186935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338946773120653,0.07114625939895425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485330140179021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935717239760574,0.0,0.17978467497363865,0.0,0.0,0.10043383448818724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439185910617603,0.0,0.0946739601015385,0.07454437647002853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926156876701691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470628305763452,0.0,0.0,0.09779501777851334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033525756567041,0.0,0.0,0.17224993008175815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198815232837337,0.0,0.0,0.2181906534476912,0.10751783590045963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351187115614025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035219145148052,0.0,0.07503728665876737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810289987652493,0.0,0.09533178265334546,0.1329053699367332,0.0,0.0,0.12048164069916045
suicidewatch,thegodnexusboi,2018/01/24,"It'll be a peaceful one right? I think too much about it. At this point I don't even think I'm depressed. I think I just generally don't want to live anymore. I don't have a problem with living ( somewhat true )
I just don't know. What do you guys think? Am I just completely numb now? Is this the last stage? Or us it just recovering. I can't tell at this point. ",-1.037237762237762,1.058405602564104,1.093403263403264,99.85311188811191,95.53846153846158,4.374825174825175,17.34731934731935,6.11248444174946,-0.5076051282051282,279,8,69,3,11,92,49,78,0.101,0.773,0.125,0.4039,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,16,18,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,10,1,5,16,2,8,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038269165794791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549047185616974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701954753101393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574821844529586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035034032576089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295190917449015,0.16753140973903913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629670719813504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108551834815298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926997652758547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885776730182743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666096382819054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755183833306829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963909232815398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267719553858132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472228980576581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212247685876159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rach5162,2018/01/24,"I can’t stop thinking about ending my life (story added) I really have no one to talk about this with because a lot of people are effected by it. Two of my best friends killed themselves in 2017, and although I feel incredibly selfish, all I have wanted to do is end my own life. I can’t tell others because of how selfish it really is, and I know how badly it effects others. But at this point, they can get over it. I’m not a priority in anybody’s life. My boyfriend broke up with me, I fuck up everything good for me, and I live a life filled with misery due to my overthinking. For an entire year I’ve been suicidal and I have tried everything to try to cope with the unbearable depression and anxiety. For 7 years I’ve dealt with a somewhat bearable diagnosis of depression and anxiety. I’ve tried all different kinds of therapy and I know it takes time, but it’s all been a complete waste of time even with a positive outlook. I’ve been on medicine for months, and the only thing it has helped with is my anger, and completely making me numb. I used to be a 4.0 student, and now I’m failing all my classes because I truly can’t see a point to anything. We all die right? Either kill yourself or get killed. Nothing matters in the end. I can’t even do things that used to make me happy because they do not make me happy anymore. So why live a life with no meaning and with no drive to create a meaning? I believe this life isn’t for me, and maybe my soul can find its meaning somewhere in this universe. But here, on this earth, I have no meaning. I find myself drunk most nights to rid myself of fear, because of course I’m scared of dying. But wow there is not a single point in living anymore, so why prolong the inevitable? I’m just trying to vent because this is the only place I can, so any advice will surely help ",4.561402439024392,5.124972731707317,5.4360602981029835,83.47327743902441,69.65040650406505,8.209620596205964,30.280149051490522,8.212053250817874,2.0553205962059624,1434,55,290,19,24,470,179,369,0.209,0.6920000000000001,0.098,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,0,2,4,13,23,5,2,17,0,27,9,0,9,6,63,50,23,6,1,10,0,1,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,19,22,1,1,12,1,0,2,12,15,0,2,3,2,36,8,48,45,12,30,1,4,1,1,8,16,1,4,12,197,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449173675557258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051839475431671285,0.0,0.1166325207781369,0.0,0.15120069852704834,0.0,0.0,0.06273135311903136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364943237804703,0.2788170843440761,0.0,0.0,0.0858858701417753,0.07999939401169268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985283208594858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313147433557656,0.0,0.15823081799245609,0.07964483414477752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255326402281665,0.0,0.0,0.10069928838239378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702243688096474,0.0,0.0,0.08578070668664396,0.03854452151801063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934691820161416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889563309972878,0.07047403389530248,0.07965476640717442,0.0,0.0,0.06393867637381674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622979495036089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219163383054164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530138536895293,0.07938252095006867,0.08378877458261101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32306389574094635,0.0,0.0,0.20193925714111105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480859681373842,0.0,0.0,0.15265370949050486,0.0,0.07658396263854378,0.3321502266406943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084660028424314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153732775110927,0.0,0.07314539195986049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051655880607420726,0.11595373214871492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284875412447612,0.0,0.07964483414477752,0.0,0.21618789330554936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767064927212693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510058290949326,0.0,0.0,0.07632020771363551,0.0,0.06074598113394074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373226059792833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833839895236471,0.0,0.07184651231981139,0.0,0.0573159831963035,0.061271331800079126,0.06662897299972301,0.0,0.08717642441797957,0.0,0.10128855102415214,0.048845540713790186,0.0,0.0,0.08890144331185508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070225071147178,0.0,0.0744662961297839,0.0,0.0,0.13167766120121094,0.0,0.0,0.04496282923968018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757266081970793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818011524772803
suicidewatch,Firespirit202,2018/01/24,"I want to end it but things keep holding me back. Please help me, I need people to talk to I have a decent life. I have a girlfriend for over 8 years who keeps supporting me and I have therapy. Still there are things in life that keep fucking me over and i don't know what to do. I slack off and stay home gaming all day instead of going to college. I lie to my parents about multiple unnecessary things and I keep breaking everyones trust. My first suicide attempt was a year ago after being depressed for over 6 years and having suicidal thoughts for 2 years. I have been in the hospital 2 times this year because of overdoses of misc meds. And tried ending it with sleeping pills and  pure ethanol(alcohol). I have a wonderful friend who came to my aid multiple times and stopped me from jumping and overdosing myself. I have the stinging feeling that I want to die because i do not want to hurt people but i also hurt them by killing myself. Im scared of pain so for me cutting or hanging is not an option. I recently got a new puppy which is keeping me up right now. Im feeling happy because of that but my college is going bad again. Im thinking of ending it again after all the help people gave me and I don't want to disappoint them. Please help i need people to talk to",2.5562647058823558,4.726390670588239,3.6855147058823534,87.56356617647059,77.58823529411767,6.446078431372548,26.31127450980393,7.492282038375204,1.4593039215686283,1011,40,198,14,24,327,133,255,0.154,0.65,0.196,0.6725,1,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,2,10,14,3,1,9,0,18,6,1,0,3,41,42,16,4,6,6,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,14,12,0,7,6,1,0,5,4,10,0,1,6,2,34,4,35,35,2,38,0,4,0,1,14,8,1,3,23,138,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843748215246009,0.09456460209929148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076220607539811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680402565511324,0.07388209706952796,0.16182069596316376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120438795498272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570661367072776,0.0,0.07621284474028574,0.0,0.0918344768958343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351169422124333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455214568039647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948234018421107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526612921313919,0.0,0.0,0.06836404849301153,0.0818038624792164,0.0,0.0,0.10057724295887506,0.0,0.07077032139259137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419497088513472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779308611626946,0.0,0.08875865244324509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945214296875726,0.0,0.28674012735679466,0.0,0.0,0.3932520226484639,0.097896626357936,0.0,0.04862958038871995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250005287453533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828797581940807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312224656369532,0.0,0.08546031067999897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415532123057348,0.0,0.09825320895603028,0.0,0.0,0.2453801478722923,0.0,0.0,0.19426206795446424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736923002243324,0.0,0.0,0.07556654326835673,0.0,0.0,0.08858990228183351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885498833144209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431428103048296,0.07066501776872403,0.07397824125106632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935786000867908,0.1004128412685276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422433575446632,0.0,0.0,0.10119142952867856,0.0,0.17635845943645778,0.056698242947324735,0.0,0.07024798397979634,0.10319377281128787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060076171910615615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087652939102984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595927053180063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849103493156971
suicidewatch,Tiredwaytomuch,2018/01/24,I just want this off my chest I thought about it doing it I just can't but at the same time it just seems like I'm not progressing that I don't need to progressed my life is simply nothing and that's how I see it I've been why do the people I trusted family members that is I got kicked out twice I feel it wasn't even my fault one was because somebody couldn't keep up with the bills and the other I was backstabbed that's the second time I was actually doing well for myself I was in a position and a job that I really liked and I was doing good and then I ended up moving in the south before I left for the cell that was told things that have been kept secret for 24 years family members who actually work family members parents who weren't my real parents being heartbroken because I'm too stupid to realize that I'm too emotional and too serious when it comes to trying to be in a relationship I rush into them thinking I don't have enough time I'm back down at a shit job again kicked down I can barely sleep and rarely eat even though I'm still fat barely get out of bed I just don't feel like it feel like there's no point and then even when I do I'll go to work and talk to people that I call friends or they'll make fun of me and I mean I'm so used to it now that I feel like it's just normal for me saying I'm shit at my job or I'm stupid not to mention that I have my GED and a family member told me that I was the worst mistake of my life that I ended my life that day when I dropped out I just feel tired I don't have the energy it feels like I do some days I'll be actually pretty chipper but then later in the day or the next day it'll just be worse and I'll get worse and then I'll be good again and then I'll just get even more worse and it's just on and on and I can't take it anymore I don't know what to do I don't know how to do anyting right I want to do it but I'm just too tired to do it I guess my laziness is what keeps me alive and my fear of what happens after that,1.6075925204518882,2.42170771081678,3.5421588105440835,93.3977103622906,76.74834437086093,6.742215296714712,20.608297623685235,7.048011613610866,0.15852193221659538,1575,33,391,16,34,535,175,453,0.138,0.737,0.125,-0.901,5,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,2,4,33,21,4,1,16,0,45,11,5,4,0,73,86,36,0,6,18,2,6,6,1,2,6,1,1,0,38,24,2,3,14,0,1,4,14,9,1,3,16,8,52,12,41,62,5,53,0,0,1,0,16,22,2,6,32,262,90,5,0.0,0.0,0.2297777233047669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783860774067697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035211870980922,0.0,0.0956906234388213,0.0,0.06678716567512773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014461379178416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761011658015152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024720323786316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031240800023441,0.0,0.0882879844830741,0.13903343232721316,0.08109867059515079,0.0,0.2073612750343284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959644916413137,0.08832036947640537,0.2381141293832684,0.22428622499777826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060639324118843575,0.0,0.12301959271572037,0.0,0.04460631113286365,0.1316633480718819,0.06277370272123027,0.0,0.08646293882390657,0.0,0.06940632438995832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336604928554817,0.1395267681621208,0.0,0.0,0.08626946332051688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527700572372544,0.0,0.16631433651251262,0.2300704572065856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239108165039342,0.0,0.0,0.0854960044970854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341989625798545,0.0,0.05819755998100697,0.0,0.0,0.08347245172261526,0.0,0.0769011823071527,0.07531096784957153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318522820687867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743023801233842,0.0,0.0,0.10882683696445186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419615027895594,0.0,0.0,0.07985010475815438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933607053132017,0.05028116556690579,0.0,0.0,0.08426630792352373,0.0,0.06702798050731186,0.0,0.062416488809672335,0.0,0.0,0.06254445440225946,0.07145216213928116,0.0,0.0,0.16113278449667934,0.0,0.0,0.07854428158299974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268029777053849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059012906378738725,0.06308535884021793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214367306894501,0.05029168410649675,0.0771136672959114,0.0623103862797367,0.13730025008370456,0.1804198976058144,0.0,0.1499965282887354,0.0,0.05328792750885118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778808509682424,0.0,0.0,0.09258803860545442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705697772829463,0.0,0.07082284993194529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142798133860982,0.0,0.23995670561328905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054344029591402
suicidewatch,Acidxxrayne,2018/01/24,"Feeling pretty alone Dont have much to complain about and i usually help people on this reddit but i have raging anxiety and depression. Its been kind of weighing me down as of late. Broke down at work earlier and made it almost impossible to do my work. Came home to hang with some friends and roomates and get a lil drunk and play some street fighter but everyone cashed out and im feeling really empty inside. Im sad for no real reason at all, other than that i feel really numb and dead inside. Im alone in my basement kinda drunk and trying to find someone to hang out with because i dont really feel  safe by myself atm, i realised now i dont really have anyone to go to this late as i work the night shift or anyone at all ever. Ive tried suicide multiple times in the past obviously to no avail. i dont really think i would do it tonight but ive said that before and i frequently get shit faced by myself. I feel close to calling hotline but im not sure. I need help reminding me how beautiful life can be no matter how little the reason is. ♡",2.1340277777777743,4.13516953240741,4.191444444444446,84.24800000000002,78.21296296296295,7.282962962962964,22.837037037037035,8.238735603445708,1.4273803703703707,833,26,165,16,20,285,125,216,0.27,0.629,0.102,-0.9933,0,2,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,5,12,2,0,4,0,16,7,2,5,5,48,29,19,2,2,6,0,5,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,8,16,3,1,9,3,2,4,8,7,0,0,4,6,20,5,30,23,5,27,0,3,0,0,6,13,1,5,10,104,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589515183040068,0.19836801584011915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326022075950779,0.0,0.0,0.13392270070928114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837766063384917,0.0,0.08148924842091702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778711638468797,0.10953003346439603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248254451707625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489450474282213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662523007509633,0.0,0.09150788353149028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421091593184859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752778317315556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398806188652501,0.0,0.10006687213143917,0.0,0.05442564798644139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837897362162895,0.0,0.0960604413386474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137719899252467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972486182153116,0.0,0.0,0.21605494298438024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764188971053238,0.0,0.09598202622999198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061547747208852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039854166870319,0.07100878402075454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986928154559681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141885033478953,0.0663916267640137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742777608987142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900191931915508,0.306748635786228,0.19692543246435887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109476562271633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983017423472873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114165935374773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475173544317272,0.0,0.09025769687962938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061362561178229864,0.0,0.0,0.055841538186888265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003675537684173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547198918967088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915491790327392,0.0,0.0,0.06802894783340345,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hexen-,2018/01/24,"Advice on sleeping pills Theoretically, if I took 2 sleeping pills with alcohol, what's gonna happen to me? What happens if I add 3 or 4 in the mix? Honestly curious. ",1.3922727272727258,3.9540857272727297,5.1487121212121245,72.8430681818182,85.66666666666667,8.148484848484847,29.46212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.2228848484848487,131,7,24,4,4,49,28,33,0.0,0.809,0.191,0.6868,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302069135401882,0.0,0.3303559804040997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467087648832943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6186878148398264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434444319206661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the-cutest-koala,2018/01/24,"Please talk me out of it, I’ve never been so close to doing it I’ve only neared suicide one other time in my life and someone called the police and I had the worst 4 hours in the hospital of my life. Since that moment, I decided if I ever needed to do it, I wouldn’t tell anyone. I have a jar of super strong painkillers and if I take them all right now I’ll die nearly instantly. I’ve had this jar waiting in my closet for a year or so. 
Everyone says look at the good things to live for. While I seem happy and successful on the outside (I was just at the admit reception for an Ivy League college, for example), my life is horrible and fucked. I have the stomach flu and my mom accused me of lying. She’s heartless. When I was little she would cut up my stuffed animals in front of me and force me to copy the Bible while remaining isolated from friends. I’m emotionally scarred from the fact that she constantly tries to ruin my life, will never be proud of me, and hurt me so many times as a child. All I wanted was love and yet she called me evil and even blamed my grandma’s death on me. My parents throw knives at each other.  Their divorce is lengthy and I pay the price. I had a boyfriend who I loved, but he left me because he was intimidated by me. I found a new one to love but he raped and beat me many times. I have friends but it all seems vacuous. 
I don’t want to end it but I think I’m going to. Im sorry to be grim. Somebody please just tell me something to convince me not to ",2.5566666666666684,3.7156673152866304,3.943073248407648,90.09554405520173,74.89171974522294,7.144161358811044,24.8667728237792,7.6454224807358475,1.036737154989384,1163,37,262,15,24,384,171,314,0.16399999999999998,0.723,0.114,-0.9286,1,0,1,0,1,1,28.0,0,0,2,5,10,21,5,0,16,0,21,11,1,0,7,44,39,26,3,7,10,2,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,1,12,15,0,1,6,0,2,3,5,9,0,2,9,2,46,12,38,25,5,37,0,3,1,5,26,17,1,5,17,174,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904534479100365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891262330367587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308679944418111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216403874498775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173253150645211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271630677756573,0.10012640950874313,0.0,0.0,0.07466671718021896,0.10225781204562392,0.0,0.10802160002050157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395059871240766,0.17468022467480535,0.10451046560384096,0.0,0.0,0.06424742165110636,0.09481876470769623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203410201718384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132888103767792,0.0,0.12101954034469163,0.0,0.12211055121827515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282629082590688,0.0,0.31939478317963943,0.0,0.11330315647619077,0.09982289277809238,0.0,0.09493131333333676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060889766981825,0.0,0.0,0.2292245654814683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323997054169657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382318735185823,0.17437819120797626,0.10918184776525423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320763790755018,0.08597761377877525,0.0,0.0,0.12552571851573732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481841144877996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654183044297257,0.0,0.08989980055943575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582814728490212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935139469902822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578466393765997,0.08702938314117346,0.0,0.1265472677135337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365546694784887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499754816485512,0.09086318833553432,0.1976167563006765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510364486584432,0.07243618564893665,0.0,0.0,0.197756479652744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675173894961268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335652747467305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030560328877706,0.0,0.0,0.07279879546005932
suicidewatch,11RedditThrowaway11,2018/01/24,"I think about suicide everyday but know I will never do it. I have thoughts everyday. I know I would never do it. I can think of several reasons to do it. But the main reason I would never do it is because of my mom. She has a history of depression and one suicide attempt that I know of. I'm afraid she might do it again. While typing this, I now realize I don't know what I expect to get from this post. I guess just typing my thoughts.

(If I don't answer, it is because it's late and I went to sleep. I'll check it in the morning)",0.15384057971014542,2.0747746956521773,2.717934782608697,92.64530797101452,84.65217391304348,5.920289855072465,22.6268115942029,7.1686216300943375,0.7557681159420291,410,15,94,6,12,142,62,115,0.132,0.868,0.0,-0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,16,1,1,2,3,26,28,6,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,12,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,3,0,18,0,10,21,1,12,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,9,73,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941046000192267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408747966747253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545383964527044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180180813797462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35955525727892923,0.0,0.18450386285787213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351230844356386,0.0,0.19156059438465656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784448369842164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083312492808174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664616667793954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363357716583969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184777304751685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367906026863951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578182394415943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960649019827168,0.0,0.2596982304934775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162262865027026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23237799585686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tpark117,2018/01/24,"My life is falling apart I'm 25, still living with my parents, I can't drive, I've never had a job, and I've been in the same place in life for 6 years. The only reasons I've had to continue have been movies and video games that I want to experience before I die. All day long I've been thinking of my ex girlfriend (the only person I've ever actually dated) who accused my parents and I of lying and making up our problems (anxiety, depression, stress, Aspergers) and, after I left her, texted me ""Fuck you, bitch! I hope you die alone and miserable!"" Since then, I've tried to get back into the dating game only to be shot down at every turn. I was also told today that I'm apparently a terrible son and may be kicked out of the house with nothing. 

All I've done is lay in bed thinking about how I can kill myself with everyone thinking I skipped town. I've got a number of plans and a list made of reasons to end it all to push myself over the edge. I don't see myself ever achieving any of my dreams, love, a good job, to not feel alone anymore. The more I try to think of those movies, games, and hopes; the more fleeting, temporary, unrealistic, and worthless they feel. It's not enough to make me happy for more than just a little while, if at all. 

I feel like my ex was right. I just want to stop feeling empty and meaningless, but I can't see myself ever really being happy again. I feel like I shouldn't even have a right to complain and I just want to disappear and stop existing. ",6.057861842105265,5.097585904605263,6.880526315789478,79.57368421052634,66.59868421052633,9.705263157894738,30.184210526315788,8.841846274778883,2.1784776315789482,1161,34,241,16,16,388,166,304,0.147,0.757,0.095,-0.9142,5,3,0,0,0,1,42.0,1,2,1,2,14,18,3,2,15,0,21,4,0,6,8,59,48,19,3,8,7,5,5,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,6,18,0,2,11,5,0,4,7,10,0,0,11,7,34,8,37,32,9,41,0,3,2,2,19,17,2,4,22,154,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.09349383333201253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845436221326454,0.0,0.07661684103422997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651520604545404,0.0,0.07329210974287853,0.0,0.09501482190138552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736696862524577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152471936627931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178760339778633,0.0,0.08251844782808478,0.0,0.19886512611810814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804384719184754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485658463290494,0.09899426475752074,0.0,0.06327963458143544,0.2599888098893869,0.08072154832123134,0.09154771542587956,0.0,0.09371765163170792,0.0,0.0,0.24221454550044624,0.13688911159674755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885720482043475,0.05005521480722678,0.0,0.0,0.08035838468274988,0.07662562778639365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397671329920267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903159811782585,0.0,0.11054844031457553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014737252254002,0.0,0.10599627506612036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409460994108903,0.0,0.1353426662514287,0.09361294328851152,0.09602380564597802,0.08459935586310953,0.08478619977031494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646957808575817,0.09065492091662476,0.12790386253611535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389228183140044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192942172459488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185966728243696,0.0,0.0,0.21276472029902865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365499633047868,0.1000979467072724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167438121845968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137643169633701,0.1970111509044077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363734694559906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269158502290356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792525588011318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651161168291637,0.16019792101692118,0.10974662022481872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555708521504804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081385461862304,0.09154771542587956,0.0,0.1300933582629211,0.10421052846783002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952839189270189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061696581136175065
suicidewatch,disapointment98,2018/01/24,"I hope it works this time. My last attempt failed, this time I hope it works. I'm sorry to anyone who tried to help me, I wish I could have been a better person.",0.9556190476190488,2.326619800000003,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,79.57142857142857,4.666666666666667,14.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.3566190476190476,123,1,30,0,3,40,25,35,0.113,0.541,0.34600000000000003,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,17,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524697437242385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23431127987428105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152705535451347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757868016766962,0.0,0.0,0.5262755313294143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595535967623408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313288530454337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965702600325337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30896855988228505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987178695760525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046593172616864,0.0,0.0,0.3857480522867926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashboye,2018/01/24,"I'm not going to kill myself, but I want to die. Is this normal? Here's a wall of text. I'd like to get it out.

Just over a month ago, on December 12th, 2017, my ex-girlfriend of 1 year 9 months (by far her longest and my longest) committed suicide by bridge. She was only 18 years old. We had been broken up for about a month at that point. It was a sudden break up, without reason- I was confused and saddened, but I kept my hopes up that we could mend things. She dealt with it much better than I did, perhaps because (as I would come to find out soon after her death) she was with another man for 3 months before she passed. What was first intense grief became anger and confusion mixed with guilt for being angry at her- how could I still be mad at her when she already clearly felt enough remorse on her own? 

Why did she do it? Certainly it was a slew of things: dissatisfaction with her life direction, feeling insufficient to her parents' extreme expectations (Filipino, two doctors for sisters), stress from intense marimba practice for a world-class percussion group (a 6 hour commute, mind you). But this had all been there for months. The new event in her life, right before her decision to end it, was her double infidelity. After we cut off contact for a week, we saw each other again one night at a school event and she asked to take me home. When we got there, we reminisced and chatted, which turned into cuddling. It was amazing, like we were back to the way things were before. After a while, she asked me for sex, which I hesitantly accepted (In a car, by a relatively active road). A wholly positive (if confusing) interaction, we said our goodbyes, I kissed her on the cheek, and I went home. I found out recently that she went from my house to hers, said goodnight to her family, and then snuck out to talk to another friend. She cried and bemoaned her own inability to be faithful, while her friend comforted her. I know this because her family has video and audio recording from inside the car that night. Imagine my shock at learning that..

She cheated on her new boyfriend with me the day before their 1 month. She knew she was going to have to face him that day, as they were celebrating. Instead, she woke up that day, talked and watched the office with me over video chat for a while, and then said goodbye. She then set off writing suicide letters to her sisters, parents, new boyfriend, close friend, and me. 

Life hasn't been the same since. I was showered with support from my school, my principal, my teachers. They all knew us as a couple. I had been going after a new girl after the breakup but before her passing; we got together a few weeks after she passed, and the girl has fallen for me completely. I do not love this girl and I haven't gotten over my ex. I've made a huge mistake and I can't find a way out without hurting her and making myself look like a bastard. We've had sex, so if I leave her now I'll look like a douche on top of looking like I didn't care about my ex, who I still love. I know we're parting ways in about half a year when we go to different colleges, but I don't know if I can fake this for that long.

I'm not going to take my own life. I promised everyone that I wouldn't, and I don't think I'd have the strength to do it anyway. However, I wish daily that a disaster would strike my school, or that somebody with a gun would open fire on us so that I could die a hero. I don't want to be alive anymore, and I'm just searching for a way out that won't make my parents, my grief counselors, my girlfriend, feel like failures. Does anyone else feel like this? Is this just temporary?",4.527980442176872,5.4191951319444485,4.89061224489796,86.1707142857143,69.90277777777779,7.766439909297053,28.5827664399093,7.8877783879560495,1.6446218820861682,2845,100,584,34,49,900,322,720,0.171,0.6759999999999999,0.153,-0.9768,6,0,0,1,0,7,107.0,13,1,3,5,23,42,6,5,36,0,52,13,2,5,5,112,103,42,8,17,17,7,5,7,4,5,5,4,3,4,36,47,0,1,18,4,0,14,14,17,0,4,40,14,107,25,96,51,12,110,1,3,5,6,88,39,1,8,58,399,143,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353287666167108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664284441579263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665021909923654,0.0,0.0,0.05989153139710579,0.042226711649417235,0.06187759937199109,0.0,0.0,0.11291465247974493,0.0,0.0,0.04643686362727019,0.0,0.07362744715563367,0.0,0.2569409799364449,0.0,0.0,0.05341083105392965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157253311882616,0.0,0.0,0.05202140091472954,0.06331869498657906,0.0,0.0,0.14465162526025588,0.06682136670627224,0.06633655253373777,0.11684137637045272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535241035397235,0.06309562232539435,0.0,0.06181263080220864,0.052848471305822035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504488360639764,0.0,0.053488400031602684,0.062399928739665426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057706079567807086,0.0,0.0,0.11386230533964856,0.0,0.09160633951447203,0.08628652205050309,0.05798472111583373,0.0,0.11039235146217186,0.05136845678111824,0.0,0.06621548940598919,0.13997354615318075,0.0,0.031551745393233036,0.0,0.17160766111229378,0.0,0.09660021669366127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115396526025142,0.05998177617981965,0.05947285789264264,0.06968297420873162,0.0646496924972857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681356770512706,0.0,0.09956775476288726,0.0,0.0,0.06394522851870169,0.0,0.0,0.17062347501063418,0.2065275550677179,0.0,0.0,0.053444033719870124,0.15213940322075192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109010264865679,0.05714331652397701,0.08062277069617023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097757935384045,0.0,0.2892205742564595,0.0,0.044394249874589016,0.0,0.0,0.2333035760739033,0.0,0.11334551104085425,0.059170246081065574,0.0,0.0,0.0633700760167912,0.0,0.040922427282186716,0.04592999012074025,0.0,0.0,0.20117079637129576,0.06539744448939665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708890732964979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062091888896121925,0.059628714314479025,0.0,0.0,0.051573486674022416,0.1723366858799514,0.0,0.0,0.18335640224335964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995596496160715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645647913978213,0.0,0.06917755587378657,0.0,0.0,0.1321156548936994,0.06853086176871184,0.0,0.0,0.09081286106739286,0.09707981320180112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036306365499665,0.03869604127186281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568794228881271,0.05899312048330645,0.0,0.14528560024926962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712402184737071,0.1917418973705556,0.09688385205463096,0.0,0.0,0.11196591270526536,0.054493381413796615,0.0,0.06944653851918796,0.11642931810090608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869985814624307,0.0,0.0,0.11666925177357294
suicidewatch,HeartsBurstIntoFirex,2018/01/24,My life doesn't matter. I feel like I don't mean anything to anyone. I don't see a point in living anymore. It's late so I doubt anyone will see this. Just had to get it off my chest.,-2.11785714285714,-0.2880584999999982,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,98.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-1.8898380952380949,141,2,36,0,6,48,31,42,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.6625,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,5,10,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855117157353433,0.4026018574462209,0.0,0.23691076078210446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556695277219767,0.20567025404751274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041179865542725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247549552662234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033467835878661,0.14064959297128654,0.0,0.2542140979609525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135990177753811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721511956852716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588256394721773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imdeadinsidetxt,2018/01/24,"I even failed at killing myself lol I tried to overdose on miscellaneous meds and drown myself but failed and recently got into self harm. I'm a failure and I wish I would just due already. My girlfriend broke up with me because my depression was to hard to handle. Im sick of hurting myself just to please others. Ive gotten close to killing myself so it doesn't seem as unattainable as it once was. It's always in my head of how easily I could end it all. I know I will do it soon so I'm repaying all my debts and saying goodbye to everyone who tried to help me - 1/24/18 
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suicidewatch,AsianOrphan1996,2018/01/24,"I Should Be Happy So, I know I should probably see a professional. However, as a college student still residing in my religious,conservative parents' house and under their health insurance, asking for this would backfire. 

My parents are good people with good intentions. But to put it bluntly, they don't believe depression exists, they think that the people who are ""depressed"" are attention-seekers who need to stay overnight in an ""asylum"" to realize how sick they aren't.

I know I'm only a year and a half (hopefully) close to graduating, and once I finally apply and get a real job, I have the potential to finally get help. Despite this, I have this idea that I'm only one step away from screwing it all up. 

I have supportive friends, who are very open about their feelings and experiences. But, every time I open up to them, I feel like I'm just word vomiting. I'm worried that by clumsily shoving my personal baggage onto them is making them extremely uncomfortable and sometimes I wonder if they are slowly trying to fade me out of their lives.

My boyfriend, who has always been my voice of reason when it comes to these subjects, always supports me. He reminds me that the things I worry about are so far ahead and very trivial (based on the situation), and to take life  one day at a time. I feel like I rely on him so much, and even though he reassures me that it's okay, I keep thinking that one day he's going to have enough with my attitude.

I know that the people who matter love me, and I should be grateful for that. 
But as grateful as I am, I've thought of disappearing to avoid the possibility that I will become worse and probably drive them all away. ",7.55072184078679,7.1520638643533125,7.800334013731677,72.35050658749307,63.353312302839115,11.118129523102617,36.312673965485246,10.59048541779884,3.8388134718871765,1323,56,239,29,17,433,175,317,0.062,0.802,0.136,0.9713,4,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,11,1,11,16,1,1,13,1,23,6,0,4,2,52,51,24,0,7,5,2,3,2,1,5,4,1,0,1,23,18,0,2,13,0,0,6,2,4,0,4,2,5,42,12,38,42,4,34,0,2,1,2,28,16,1,3,13,171,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617488353364074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093351038312541,0.0,0.18763430547079304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102821118592552,0.0,0.11250250232562617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601632619352223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879655636667398,0.0,0.17201010125861496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317701043310146,0.0,0.06595335127144923,0.0,0.08413222779840941,0.0,0.0,0.0976774477173526,0.0,0.0,0.15146921540977373,0.14267300565331592,0.0,0.2187727606087928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714780194732626,0.0,0.104340335938583,0.0,0.05674995404194499,0.16750743924625947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629760990564203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614130102385384,0.0,0.0,0.06693076814440949,0.0,0.0,0.09917864445840698,0.0,0.1152193776845392,0.0,0.112724252602126,0.0,0.0,0.0990907780700218,0.0887558002413227,0.0,0.0,0.1646332532658913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053060963719388,0.09756831519492952,0.0,0.08817388203146971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901231256391786,0.0,0.06665405410933249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340498739333567,0.07404129080385254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634242173933156,0.20299319848220007,0.15188860518257294,0.0,0.0,0.2217545412338752,0.0,0.0,0.20768085858525911,0.08718962103827467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257162085340797,0.0,0.0,0.2153213717537272,0.0,0.0,0.10038195486816764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365696396277865,0.0,0.10266767282978947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957158578602425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224131527518304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987592464056388,0.0,0.0,0.10643224961271808,0.07974441121612484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662876649104735,0.0,0.0,0.0750786074844837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663392909004906,0.12796623120144035,0.09810712798047652,0.07927379484885652,0.1164526227240103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779505770181941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478182903825025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828859555843924,0.0,0.20281540065651,0.10176087695341073,0.07093419749507232,0.0,0.0,0.06430341001234836
suicidewatch,LewfKrad,2018/01/24,"What do I do if I don't get better? I don't drink anymore. I eat healthy. Go to my appointments. Take my meds. Try to maintain healthy relationships. Work to improve my education. Go to my job each day. Take care of my family. Exercise. But each day I still can't stand being here. I still feel empty and broken. I did all the steps. I got help. I fought this feeling, and it hasn't weakened. I'm just delaying the inevitable. What do I do if it never gets better? How long to I gave to fight before people will just say ""Okay. You tried. You fought. You're tired, and it's ok to rest now.""",-1.245715350223545,0.5999553524590162,1.0809239940387485,97.18997019374069,106.13114754098362,4.185394932935917,16.20119225037258,6.11248444174946,-0.348045901639344,451,13,102,6,22,150,75,122,0.155,0.687,0.158,0.1053,1,0,1,0,1,0,25.0,0,2,0,3,7,8,3,0,2,2,11,4,0,1,2,16,25,7,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,5,2,1,2,2,0,3,5,3,0,0,5,3,18,5,8,18,4,12,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,8,63,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832152167874507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572025167581895,0.0,0.0,0.3267799891594193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835759815056874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382876465958491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097761272721868,0.0,0.18903800658289066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415907115818652,0.0,0.18682302223961125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304097715968535,0.0,0.2099871824923525,0.0,0.1477556945897291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382920534442565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833287237776389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349156542781287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052076047027171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424850372156728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807739697221612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834463028323684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691489044195166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950716791490056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778071897549619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233467306317624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508564701777441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449495945327458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faerymint,2018/01/24,"What’s the point of living when we’ll always suffer with pain for the rest of our lives? I hate hearing the phrase “pain is temporary” because that also means that happiness is temporary. 

Even after we experience a short amount of happiness and stop feeling pain, we’ll eventually have to go through suffering yet again. 

The cycle of happiness and pain always comes and goes throughout our lives. And the pain that I’m feeling right now isn’t something I want to feel again (if I get out of it).

This is too much for me. 

So what’s the point of living? I don’t care if pain makes me stronger because I’m still going to be in some sort of pain in the future regardless. 
",5.767045454545452,6.059064492424245,5.952575757575757,81.77386363636364,66.95454545454545,9.327272727272726,30.13636363636364,9.188382445141503,2.345845454545455,531,18,106,9,8,169,77,132,0.229,0.638,0.133,-0.9521,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,5,0,0,0,10,14,1,0,8,0,9,7,0,1,0,20,24,9,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,10,0,0,0,4,11,4,18,21,4,19,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,4,9,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953805482818654,0.165517226904189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125967708562108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140600783768017,0.0,0.0,0.08567590647449289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569233313335346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729087773954824,0.0,0.0,0.15086975819004336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196369839883038,0.0,0.11305071885982515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176307738689645,0.0,0.09819607078372523,0.0,0.0,0.11209854813205464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35129969412667506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639026285741345,0.0,0.0,0.10834100066299124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311447852961632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7408265036418336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880435282057608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849382204852532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765690985971838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942881333765606,0.08315293904843146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586640323775631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CherWolfe,2018/01/24,"I can't do this anymore No-one cares.

I thought I had friends in this world...but I don't.

Goodbye",-3.173181818181817,-2.480239227272726,-1.0012727272727258,110.07809090909092,123.0909090909091,1.7600000000000002,22.581818181818186,3.1291,-0.7538654545454544,75,4,20,0,5,24,16,22,0.0,0.6629999999999999,0.337,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500955451020282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655353165831746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285459751143759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44035558832532107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuckMeUpButtercup,2018/01/24,"I'm tired. It's been so hard to keep fighting, but I have. Somehow. I thought I'd made it out of the darkest parts, but I haven't. I live in a place that is making my depression worse day by day. There's always something going wrong, there's never a break from it all. No matter what I try, it just gets worse. 

I thought I finally managed to catch a break and was going to be able to slowly dig my way out. So, so much slower than tolerable... but I was willing to trade what small resolve I had left to get through this, knowing I could try to fix it later. I relapsed with self harm. My eating disorder snowballed.  My depression kicked my ass. But I told myself it was worth it. Because I stood a chance at getting out. 

And now it's gone. I was stupid and believed that he would help me. I naively fell for his bullshit and he got my hopes up, then sent them crashing down to earth at soul-shattering speeds. It was my last chance. I don't know of any other way out of this place that's killing me. I have exhausted all options. My family has made it clear they don't want to help, won't help.  I tried to get better. I tried to do it for myself. I was fighting for what I wanted, digging in with tooth and nail, giving up any pride so I could make this work. And it fell apart. 

I can't do it again. 

I've had my hopes raised and then shattered so many times in the past fourteen months. I cannot handle the rollercoaster of emotion and turmoil any longer. I can't. I've tried to talk to people about it. But they're too busy for me tonight. I'm too depressing. I've tried to get the feeling out. But nothing is working. I feel empty, hollowed out and full of nothingness. I cannot live like this. 

I don't want to be alive. ",0.5724025069637904,2.7677472116991666,1.9782165738161588,96.86520786908079,85.23955431754874,4.815626740947075,20.6741643454039,6.124889420169582,-0.014909247910863675,1335,42,302,11,40,428,179,359,0.221,0.6579999999999999,0.121,-0.9923,2,0,1,0,4,1,52.0,0,0,2,5,14,17,4,1,8,0,31,5,2,4,4,51,62,22,1,8,7,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,25,17,1,1,7,0,2,7,12,11,0,0,18,3,45,6,45,37,5,46,0,3,0,1,15,20,1,4,16,192,70,4,0.09692095163404152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064599593507746,0.0,0.0,0.19772871201659012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590821125283625,0.0,0.0,0.10919672278153587,0.0,0.08571870552271821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547669867003401,0.0,0.0,0.12501199146736292,0.0,0.25043362086821497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107980741007437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917432986372564,0.0,0.1090230253848487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136844745677357,0.0,0.09801229058985582,0.0,0.0,0.10617216505640374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318598482014604,0.09297540834017796,0.1101648207156654,0.0,0.0775165389191739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682213544908766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489221262296014,0.0,0.0,0.19252874773268552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861477950610655,0.1072286729494094,0.0,0.1065304406324182,0.07900351144883869,0.0,0.0,0.10530489753726326,0.0,0.0,0.047350681302025584,0.0,0.17116595193401454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341789577340334,0.1293909756384925,0.09826263261203337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773613789144767,0.0,0.07124805131864516,0.0,0.07475141288731357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299826706538354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495594574187893,0.09252201516896294,0.06719278437714718,0.0,0.2025235317691317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110969022843158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461448369716192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790138962304569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538888188441501,0.05651538631545616,0.1113963762553752,0.0,0.0926121227424614,0.0,0.3948177846069576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149946522707735,0.1538626802162879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111921422509002,0.0,0.19754145980727145,0.06884986324287093,0.10596784570594034,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSteelCoconut,2018/01/24,"Why live anymore? Honestly fuck love and having feelings. I just try and care about people and then they just push me away and so I try and come back and they end up just ignoring me. I am so done with everything. trying is pointless
",0.2850000000000001,2.5729860869565258,1.5307608695652206,94.3291847826087,101.17391304347824,4.908695652173913,18.793478260869566,6.6274283507984215,0.409878260869565,184,6,37,3,8,58,33,46,0.114,0.696,0.19,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,0,8,5,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,13,9,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,3,4,8,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25583758838678633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237193874046245,0.1983635236153101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263018293513651,0.0,0.0,0.22221889212152807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26399356352799835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848544613127425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23184740644723664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043772319512625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384897298928476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22779283010767676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328286038281854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884438281260287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254354590750215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327784072093498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tmax-400,2018/01/24,"The thought that I can never commit suicide depresses me I was talking with a friend and they said they could never do it because of their loved ones. Suicide is so incorporated in my way of thinking that whenever I think about it that way I feel like my only option is being taken away from me. When I was younger I couldn't really see how I'd live to be, say, 30 years old (and sometimes the thought that I might not get to that age scares me), I always thought I'd kill myself before that. But now it feels as if I can't do that and it makes me feel so trapped and just as scared as not making it and mad at my mom and my friends and the people who love me and guilty. I feel very sad and helpless ",5.259729729729732,4.371223756756764,5.737162162162161,86.88047297297298,68.18918918918922,8.481081081081081,29.31081081081081,7.1686216300943375,1.3815108108108114,548,16,125,4,8,177,90,148,0.194,0.672,0.134,-0.8832,0,1,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,3,0,7,12,2,2,4,0,13,2,0,3,3,34,30,18,3,3,5,1,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,13,10,0,0,9,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,7,7,23,5,13,18,0,12,0,3,1,2,12,3,0,3,8,88,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176470271618074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283967927524032,0.0,0.0,0.08618946070176706,0.0,0.12031167912745565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288766216455373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177819309727875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859622348144457,0.10100837511918197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184736792508941,0.0,0.07386994999008704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642605008138666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907555452293067,0.0,0.12484913331945628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552182997699045,0.0,0.1887565954010791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999145270238318,0.0,0.16559316217980047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809592405348754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483640378016094,0.0,0.0958088885141816,0.10753275392466703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802137399430838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057745446581973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449337703031042,0.11243825812971008,0.2831102359007871,0.0,0.11266877779855762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983739897746578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093133738965289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364317341065515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119280552890826,0.0,0.3367413690017094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666078473712765,0.0,0.2244561147606928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910499211848473
suicidewatch,killstreak789,2018/01/24,"My friend is threatening and i need guidance Hello, all. Lemme just start out by saying i dont think that he will do it, but hes really making me nervous. This all started completely out of nowhere, calling me and my fellow friends (and once his friends) ""fake"". Then it spiraled into details that aren't very important (just micro fights between my friends and him). Then he came back for a short period and we welcomed him with open arms, but he just left again. He's got his own little discord with only me and this other guy i dont know. He tells me to check my snap and it just said a bunch of shit about ""if i overdose, it wasnt you"" ""i dont want to be given attention anymore"" and other things. I threatened to call the cops on him if he does shit like this again and he took it personally real hard. He kept on saying ""this is what i want"". I asked him what was wrong and he just said he wants me to stop caring about him. I dont know whats wrong with him, i dont know what i did, i feel like hes bullshitting but i care about fellow living things too much to let this slide. Help",1.809557522123896,3.539234247787612,2.9665575221238965,93.9203672566372,78.20353982300884,5.935929203539826,21.034513274336284,6.742157984588678,0.2127670796460177,844,22,190,8,20,271,120,226,0.166,0.7070000000000001,0.127,-0.8317,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,1,0,0,12,16,3,1,3,0,17,3,3,1,2,45,39,17,0,6,10,0,2,2,6,1,0,4,0,2,20,19,0,2,6,0,1,3,7,7,0,0,10,6,34,9,21,26,5,21,0,0,0,0,42,9,2,2,11,124,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882154965056236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315508116095968,0.0,0.0,0.07662123037282084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349837081967986,0.11396789367499835,0.203190434332658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447639949188901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720043901493875,0.0,0.5839188555512547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038375330346583,0.07118675732676452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30794343080498304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969560042598146,0.0,0.0,0.09866470045548882,0.0,0.0,0.08926278586942192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667902709103582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428766457241006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826511547141313,0.10189426379836193,0.0,0.09736350537732284,0.09987095789253483,0.08798879246975637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665141377375308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325089984914253,0.0738858675679936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611919381993198,0.0,0.07578488466210616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700659758085033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341838177539088,0.0638354518892749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895713574526273,0.15848418482684334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456932524437613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105918012215748,0.0,0.0,0.08330809072147352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870945495305397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324000705231685,0.06384880591001874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107098048287527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221796423150975,0.1763204735992916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789339945088135,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h0rses101,2018/01/24,Pills Can 6400 mg of ibuprofen kill a 15 year old girl?,1.4475000000000016,2.8030554166666697,1.8733333333333315,103.005,78.16666666666666,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.7852666666666668,43,1,11,0,1,13,12,12,0.32,0.68,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6683953300622951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6339470309720581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38904864049708215
suicidewatch,nomel_emil,2018/01/24,Why I'm scared to kill myself I'm not scared of dying I'm scared that if something goes wrong and I survive then I have to live with the consequences,1.7130208333333314,3.6585750937500015,2.5825,95.54583333333336,79.3125,5.516666666666668,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.029970833333333943,121,3,27,1,3,38,23,32,0.429,0.5710000000000001,0.0,-0.9477,0,0,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706507094478218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885168214806437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302754246572185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7832653066567117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076284710602704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23531533694816464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851243532282992,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stopnostalgia,2018/01/24,"I've been teetering for a month now and I feel like it's time. I give myself 24 hours every day to try to not feel like this. I think this is my last 24 hours. Today was the icing on the cake and it sucks because I can't even bring the words up to explain the situation I'm in. I just hate my life, I hate myself and i want everyone to hate me.

I tried talking to the suicide hotline today and they really seemed like they didn't give a shit. I can't even cry anymore I'm just blank inside. Please I need someone to talk me out of this.",0.5782973805855143,2.219855211864409,2.6936363636363647,94.85698767334364,81.62711864406779,5.6468412942989215,19.201848998459173,6.574015621080383,-0.09750169491525408,417,10,100,4,11,141,71,118,0.149,0.715,0.136,-0.6728,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,5,8,5,0,7,0,6,2,1,0,0,16,22,4,1,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,2,18,3,12,19,0,14,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,1,12,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616391605196438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984305254963419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189284310380014,0.09504957116542694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468960761426296,0.0,0.12417617984544152,0.14083037071989987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904212116225915,0.2105802885850932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827655999375559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365293538441706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29028430583128145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013647323961665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104100674570303,0.21601105138733795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763936890017172,0.0,0.0,0.10928231527255064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178181420879406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441705441855608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134171565137072,0.0,0.0,0.15128609998303055,0.0,0.16566419452360606,0.0,0.0,0.1248767813942907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121262088788516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23692106940939134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944368059401003,0.0,0.0,0.08593996736601002,0.0,0.27940290487747904,0.0,0.0,0.20012619416152846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693006398077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CherryColadas,2018/01/24,I lost my best friends and had the worst time realizing things about myself. I give up. There’s nothing else to say. I’m sorry friendos,0.10999999999999943,2.2394740740740744,1.3752592592592627,94.8206666666667,104.55555555555556,3.641481481481482,20.214814814814808,5.6839178017228535,0.0015837037037038648,108,4,22,1,5,34,25,27,0.233,0.545,0.221,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,3,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688369961663359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936008536451202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715381618596208,0.0,0.0,0.33715374582860563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38366157362003295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372366376917931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794961666771499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934321990627308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334952993539461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493993555253573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossmetiny,2018/01/24,Need to talk I'm just a mess and things happened and I just need someone to talk to right now please,1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,79.9090909090909,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.8294363636363635,80,2,20,0,2,24,15,22,0.115,0.78,0.106,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30051602926424703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039684723857932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730380966182159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902182578994629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28794210938328724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462949294607886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257720707682301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nickrchav,2018/01/24,"Poor choices involving school, drugs, and alcohol I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for quite a few years. Since middle school to be exact. I was able to avoid drugs and alcohol all throughout high school, but when I entered college, I stared using cannabis and alcohol several times a week. Of course because of this, my grades suffered. This led to me becoming more depressed, which caused me to use more, which caused my grades to suffer more. This vicious cycle continued on for all of freshman year and first semester of sophomore year.

Unfortunately, the first week of my second semester of sophomore year, I was caught with cannabis and alcohol in my dorm room. Campus police ransacked my room, confiscated everything, and charged me with misdemeanor possession of marijuana and alcohol. Now, I'm facing several court dates, community service, hundreds if not thousands of dollars in fines, and possibly expulsion from the university. Not only that, but if and when my parents find out, there's no way they're going to keep paying for my education or support me financially at all. 

I know many of you will think that all I have to do is complete all the things asked of me from my school and the law and to stop using, but it's more than I can handle. I'm already flunking out due to my poor choices, and now I'm going to have community service and drug education classes piled on. Also, the added weight of all the people I've let down and hurt is just too much. I physically and emotionally cannot handle the guilt and shame I've brought onto myself. I've completely ruined my life and I guess now I'll have to pay the price. I can't believe it's come to this...

There are plenty of tall buildings on campus. I guess all I have to do is pick one.",6.922975830815709,7.476308268882175,7.0850438066465244,73.7436986404834,64.49848942598186,10.366223564954684,35.281117824773425,10.241411754978122,3.664033111782477,1411,62,250,31,20,455,174,331,0.168,0.816,0.017,-0.9944,1,1,8,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,3,10,13,1,3,10,0,19,11,1,7,8,57,37,27,0,2,9,1,1,0,0,1,9,0,3,0,11,24,6,3,3,0,6,7,5,11,0,5,5,2,29,2,44,29,13,41,0,7,1,0,5,15,0,5,18,168,40,15,0.08832458652431846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719606088624961,0.0,0.0,0.09746837755956328,0.07063313993270329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756806693607914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257156545748079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384184814605158,0.09754756650577463,0.0,0.09951156305095807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814673609751623,0.0,0.07608381049733083,0.1852132970503345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105877038699273,0.15214767390022207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072854375035989,0.0,0.0,0.0993532716755218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938044316584135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072707194842653,0.15025769635389868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039379592533078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459897971693974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331977501924434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455329664683193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850695077242552,0.0,0.0,0.048540882866274816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031787389493784,0.0623862675304726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954726764363026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649287338525521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985102568714404,0.0671748281100447,0.0,0.0,0.09807400082515558,0.0,0.0,0.06123314719337464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957270029318084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394406985686683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575567879489422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995632843569188,0.0,0.07306301069400907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738433092475128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022969409409176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867893062585065,0.05659482865429115,0.0,0.0,0.05150277668983967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288522523564692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010794561190578,0.14169731130575616,0.10755555160447176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275125515453657
suicidewatch,mymombeatsme420,2018/01/24,"A guy I really like ghosted on me. He was all I had left It was going great. I was getting a little pushy about sexual things, he says to stop and I do. We said goodnight over text and now he's just disappeared on me.

I'm a guy too, it's hard finding dates being gay. I'm ready to just fucking give up. I can't do anything right, even just keep someone as a simple friend. People say they won't leave then just fucking disappear forever. 

Why is life even worth living if I'm not even worth a few thumb movements back on a phone?",0.2037637362637348,2.3944100357142872,2.2039285714285732,94.60645604395607,87.03571428571428,5.231868131868132,19.32967032967033,6.67199483983844,0.13290302197802273,412,12,92,5,13,137,77,112,0.087,0.752,0.161,0.8418,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,0,11,5,2,0,6,0,10,4,0,0,1,13,20,5,1,1,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,2,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,4,3,2,0,0,5,4,9,3,9,13,2,17,0,0,0,3,13,8,2,1,6,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817729458783213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845806864096885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567916371366188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457519503116655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911696690482836,0.33293245441342223,0.09407598593357976,0.17273375564987906,0.1023344966288752,0.0,0.0,0.19852114883718847,0.0,0.35658325510138306,0.0,0.0,0.16130193776393048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004911887462495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906617318208686,0.19564001669543368,0.0,0.12718449831369338,0.08797015425792888,0.18047138992470368,0.15899977340660107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483367597130073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535358198251675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537736358614119,0.1712820578240683,0.28638817250116705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525676068692107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054153120925914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962649231399368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247971449646087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bug_on_the_wall,2018/01/24,"Is there a better option for online suicide prevention text chat? I don't have a phone at all so I can't do call or text chat, only online, and the service linked to in the resources always has 20+ people in queue no matter what time of day. Is there anything else I can do besides stay up 24 hours and hope I somehow manage to talk to someone?",3.4979166666666686,4.275629625000004,4.776,86.46900000000002,72.19444444444444,6.315555555555558,25.511111111111113,5.6839178017228535,0.7446244444444443,271,8,55,1,5,90,55,72,0.093,0.8059999999999999,0.101,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,10,10,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,9,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,3,36,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468735624348001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415426454656586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624021435202913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30295822101905273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134338489329164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24785015436147606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946845486423304,0.2921842833066893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564951006620446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569058459459855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513882572387078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162368230518105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245355890614171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384717722420448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300492839480258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,keepfallin,2018/01/24,"i should be happy i don't know what this is, a cry for a help or a stupid rant from another stupid fucking kid that shouldn't be whining about stupid fucking non issues.

I want to die. every single day it's all I think about. but I don't know how to explain all of the emotions I feel because one second, i feel everything all at once- the fucking sadness and anger and hopelessness and every negative emotion just pulling at my goddamn heart strings. and then the next moment I'm beyond anxious and stressed, which then makes me more depressed. then I think about wanting to die and coming up with suicide plans in my head, then I think of the aftermath of it all and how much pain the people that love me would be in if I follow through with the ideas. then I feel so fucking guilty that I would even think this way, then I wonder why people would even fucking care if I died because my life or death shouldn't matter to other people and they should mind their own business. then occasionally Ill feel elated and wanting to take on the world and be the best in what I do. then that gets overshadowed by the negative emotions all over again.

I grew up in a picture perfect household, no abuse, no true struggle, always had food on the table and clothes on my back. right now I'm a college athlete and living what should be my best life. the only time I feel normal and in control is when we're training. the second we're done, I'm hit with the fucking realization that the only thing I love aint gonna last forever and that I hope I die before it ends so I won't have to feel this pain anymore. it's my only fucking vice.

the idea of speaking to people haunts me. I avoid confrontation and conversation because I don't want to mess up or say the wrong thing and accidentally make people feel bad. yet when my teammates or classmates speak to me, I'm the life of the fucking party and crack jokes and put that smile on my face because no one wants to fuck with the sad and depressed kid. my family and friends wouldn't expect a fucking thing because I've been on this facade that I'm alright for so long that whenever I would try to express my feelings, they would be dismissed. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live anymore. but I know I'll never get the balls to kill myself because that would end up transferring all this fucking pain I feel onto everyone else around me.

I don't deserve the right to complain or feel this way. nothing wrong has happened to me so I have no right to feel this way. I guess I'll just have to live with this fucking monster in my head for the rest of my goddamn life.


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suicidewatch,Postpunkweirdo,2018/01/24,"Just breathing every day is painful Hi, I'm writing this because I'm fucking hopeless. I can't go through a single day without wanting to die and there's this pain that oppresses me and chokes me and doesn't let me think straight. I have anxiety and depression and probably borderline too, the friends I used to have just drifted apart from me, I can't make new friends because everytime someone knows me better they seem to back off, I can barely function academically, I have no job, I'm a fucking failure and a useless, worthless person. I don't even know if I'm a person anymore. I tried everything, I'm on new medications now but I still want to die and the pain seems to get worse each day that passes, I went to theraphy but I didn't even improve. I don't even know a safe way to kill myself and I'm so fucking frustrated. Sorry for the rant, I really don't know what to do anymore. 
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suicidewatch,Frogonatrain,2018/01/24,"Idk Hello,
  I am so alone. I have been alone since the day I was born, and will remain alone till the day I begin decomposing 6 feet under. I have no friends, no love, and nobody in general. I live with my parents and spend my days sitting at home all alone doing nothing. My loneliness has began to have a serious toll on my confidence, to the point where now I have absolutely no confidence in myself. I am beyond depressed, and have nobody to talk to, and nobody to help me through the day. I don’t see a point in continuing onward knowing I will never find love, and knowing I will remain a failure forever. 

Cheers!",4.9335743801652905,5.7138223884297545,6.2046177685950425,77.51783574380165,68.91735537190083,9.02520661157025,30.001033057851238,9.188382445141503,2.5633214876033064,483,18,91,9,8,163,71,121,0.192,0.619,0.189,0.6321,1,4,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,15,3,1,0,2,13,22,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,1,17,4,15,16,1,22,0,1,1,2,7,10,0,0,11,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6471418601361714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029676561428274,0.0,0.13454262538615816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277224122139845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068672410301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470363309329296,0.0,0.15669041309436055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716968167038422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793545253679312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819695318537436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204780489095304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498867959177582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345166330697892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953360858927922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447838794880565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292177399154386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555491684517078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway24988,2018/01/24,"I'm going to kill myself tomorrow. I don't care if this gets deleted. I want someone to know. 
I'm a 19 year old lesbian college dropout who lives with my dad. I have no friends, a job frying chicken all day long, and I'm about forty pounds overweight. My dad's girlfriend fucking hates me and is constantly dropping passive aggressive hits that she doesn't want me around. My mom is a total narcissist and made my life a living hell growing up. I'm tired of living with a mental disorder that makes every waking moment unbearable. Tomorrow while my dad is at work I'm going to end my life so that I don't have to keep living with the brain that I have.",4.422196969696966,5.300386522727276,5.237575757575758,83.63469696969699,70.13636363636363,7.987878787878787,29.81818181818182,8.167268648758528,2.041736363636365,519,20,102,7,9,169,84,132,0.2,0.732,0.068,-0.9629,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,5,0,6,0,9,8,2,2,2,16,27,6,1,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,0,15,2,12,25,2,17,1,0,0,2,8,3,2,1,10,57,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214646770718095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825244596341186,0.0,0.0,0.1628014398688912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255421293941062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297851626288798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300378419046565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414265111461793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453483902017208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233661271946002,0.14761890095862626,0.0834246915013543,0.0,0.18149634524665648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764807287007532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845487781420686,0.14192833840302332,0.17665904704912205,0.0,0.0877543552773667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255693082624841,0.0,0.0,0.5639911998199428,0.14130920397907293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510903277445769,0.1065857005608785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091695490698985,0.0,0.0,0.1870118833360172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755425020804113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352938840858926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835253307973389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883633749761668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624682661645593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282681370554367
suicidewatch,BrooksideSally,2018/01/24,"I crave nothingness. Yet again, I’m here. I went surfing through my photos for the last 4-5 years and it was almost all bad memories, bad moments. And many of which had me thinking these thoughts. I’m tired of these thoughts.

In the past, though, I would post here or talk to someone and ask a similar question to one I saw today: “Ever have good things going for you but still thinking of it?” Although in the past, I had good things going for me which helped, there isn’t much going for me this time.

A man at my former job tried to get me fired. I quit as a result of the toxic workplace only to find out from HR three weeks later - when I sent some of his messages to them to protect the next woman - that they were planning to let him go. She called me, as legally she couldn’t tell me this. They knew what he was up to. But I left before they had his replacement. Now they need my replacement and his to let him go.

So I left an otherwise good job. I took a job in another state. I am still in the process of moving. I had to break my lease and spend tons of money to do so, I put a down payment on a house - finally able to afford one as I moved to a cheaper area. But, due to circumstances beyond my control, we fell out of contract. I’m looking again, but it is so much work and in the meantime I have temporary housing which leaves a lot to be desired. My things are still at my old home. 

I have no friends at the new place, but it seems even my friends back home wrote me off as soon as the door closed.

Every man in my life smells blood and has been coming onto me strongly. When I tell them I’m not interested in sexual relationships right now, they just fucking disappear. It’s so obvious they are motivated by what I termed ages ago: “sad girl, easy lay”. 

The new job I took was a horizontal move, maybe even a downward move. I may have YET AGAIN set my career back. 

I weigh more right now than I ever have, by a lot. I can’t find the energy or motivation to do anything I enjoy, including forms of exercise I used to engage in daily. I have no one to talk to about any of this. 

I’ve been so busy with the move and new job I haven’t had five seconds to myself to just watch a show, or read a book, or relax. And every time I turn around, something else has gone wrong. 

And all I can think is that this could be over. My mom passed several years ago yesterday. She was in physical pain from illness for decades. Now, it’s just nothingness. No pain. No anything. Exactly what we were before we were born, and that wasn’t scary, now was it? How amazing that sounds. Truly heaven. 

There is nothing right in my life, and nothing to which I look forward. No one in my life. All the men are just looking for a fleshbag to masturbate with, and the women are afk. I have no family. I have no home. I have no car (accident, totaled, person that hit me still hasn’t paid out. My insurance is “fighting with his” and assigns no blame to me (nor does his) and.. I don’t fucking know. Attorneys are involved, etc, but I have to make payments on said car til it’s resolved, so I can’t afford another car. Because of the shithole I am living in, and all my dishes are still at the old house and I can’t afford to replace them when it is temporary, all I have to eat every day is just add water and microwave type shit. 

I have nothing. I want to have absolutely nothing. I just want it to be done already. Ironically, I realized while crying on my furniture less floor, next to my air mattress with a sleeping bag, that because I have nothing, I can’t even harm myself right now. All my meds, ties, razers, anthing I could use is at the old house... I don’t even have a fucking car or a fucking garage to CO myself... My life is a joke.",2.1960266505148383,3.8521075144357013,3.569401574803152,90.351824954573,76.8740157480315,6.631487987078537,24.32150211992732,7.439217596111235,0.9723031859479104,2874,96,626,37,65,942,327,762,0.108,0.7959999999999999,0.095,-0.8019,8,0,1,0,3,0,110.0,3,1,9,8,49,27,6,0,36,0,72,20,3,8,11,96,116,49,0,8,18,1,1,0,2,2,9,2,5,7,32,32,4,2,15,6,3,25,24,13,0,7,29,9,102,14,95,76,18,126,1,1,5,4,49,43,5,12,56,451,134,14,0.05334549531670611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457512583050814,0.0,0.05341780781884785,0.0,0.0588680806017591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627676611034083,0.1118748062379749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779759462974693,0.04748880073365059,0.04987083700858709,0.0,0.0,0.08203878615526901,0.08908252069324325,0.06503783762015543,0.0,0.09078617486626504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054471715102291464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595242068237733,0.0,0.0,0.059831509057222614,0.08518407449585867,0.0,0.05859752169391937,0.03440343131655768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046683002440598684,0.05459096286936824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458575942649599,0.04456331619265823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949432852297499,0.14093678617334296,0.09650810920240947,0.1348376417300159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050289385357088205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058437382612240435,0.09751363256867314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242919470492903,0.19726820328974126,0.02787081954885573,0.0,0.1515873716795304,0.1342310115353117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575636103600744,0.0,0.1605296439854482,0.0,0.0,0.2462141571687071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646858637843479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029317289120834908,0.04348369861153024,0.0,0.056485177058930976,0.1159200734968278,0.10909876645843576,0.1507180038236485,0.0,0.0,0.04710504969943186,0.0,0.13439034197916647,0.0,0.0,0.09070486493059687,0.0,0.0,0.035608532358461176,0.054083959344569006,0.053592720167538264,0.0,0.05925481941578945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247759937913803,0.0,0.2834890960129321,0.07843015413827781,0.0395550088390208,0.0,0.15456423538108932,0.11346707892153295,0.0,0.0,0.2559322074617217,0.0,0.16793137097005606,0.0,0.14459315287548066,0.04057165302843832,0.11352673630809705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018486228968182,0.0,0.04657922887887282,0.05573468859605382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109023845650527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053626956917962834,0.05975916344484517,0.05673950069612819,0.05335993136534744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057273097975832986,0.0,0.1822270461025304,0.05074378204169653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856373541964278,0.0,0.060265225516325426,0.05475838434723243,0.0,0.0,0.053384020795442584,0.0,0.045199465069169636,0.04106796851989823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300890734553496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575417688824014,0.09325262840937047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632113012027912,0.10254491820675644,0.052411678298790204,0.08470072906362902,0.0622123746245616,0.06131279942717741,0.05056529203519143,0.0,0.1185376162643737,0.03621808962976453,0.05802458035997585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214676031298392,0.0,0.0,0.0629291105438366,0.0,0.042790538592387635,0.0,0.0,0.04945180860423432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03883615593234488,0.0,0.0,0.03789510931595537,0.058324924812667725,0.0,0.06870549996638559
suicidewatch,schwarzesschaf600,2018/01/24,"Lost I feel so trapped. I've messed up my life far beyond repair and nothing is going to fix the deep rooted insecurities i have developed over the past 8 years. I'm surrounded by people who don't take mental illness seriously, who say that it doesn't exist and that suicide is selfish. But the pain is just way too much for me to bear, i've tried every sort of counselling, therapy and medication to no avail. Even now i feel like I don't deserve help, I just don't know where to go from here. I am filled with so much pain, despair and loneliness, but the thing keeping me from ending it is passing the grief on to people close to me. I try so hard every day to just keep going, I don't know how much longer I can go on",7.088085714285718,5.04429304666667,7.635142857142861,78.48899999999998,65.2,10.438095238095238,32.76190476190476,8.841846274778883,2.421190476190476,567,17,122,7,7,189,94,150,0.211,0.7659999999999999,0.023,-0.9695,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,1,5,0,12,5,0,2,0,20,25,10,2,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,6,0,2,4,0,0,6,6,9,0,0,1,4,13,1,18,24,3,22,0,3,0,0,4,10,0,1,6,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079827953821456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843226259188685,0.0,0.0,0.10323233051379564,0.0,0.2633729986275041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580563616192972,0.11165821441264352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553074953349249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001091857474554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476221519340667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27784693056211746,0.0,0.0,0.1717928817572524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110396804181173,0.07635855015480726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706160371751561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745222917183166,0.15751005929960699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446876211988729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997065817759356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33262088296225584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920264590577018,0.21671255639078027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429320954443447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096294729266462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175154783333794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873861083016845,0.0,0.10383641577368777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122300586386043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406084623481332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064978879143767
suicidewatch,Its_smithy,2018/01/24,"After a failed attempt I want to do it again just to see what CANT kill me. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't want to go back to the hospital, because the place I was forced to was worse than jail. Anyway sorry, I just felt like I needed to say something.",4.802873563218392,3.349674689655174,5.78448275862069,88.02545977011495,69.34482758620689,8.422988505747126,27.95402298850575,6.42735559955562,1.0466712643678158,204,5,49,1,3,68,39,58,0.177,0.677,0.146,-0.4333,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,14,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,3,7,1,9,11,0,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302049812996124,0.0,0.1824994602526005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874520498902702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701447312820947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312199598055268,0.0,0.16453159072938506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626209880467989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198670889300967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31278870756842003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380792413984087,0.0,0.0,0.23856734881664465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304775915929138,0.0,0.33513175013509217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35316453094582345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30509411604934866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,King_of_Armadillos_7,2018/01/24,"I need to die My friends and siblings are ok, I’m not

Please tell me I can kill myself

There’s no way out ",-2.856200000000001,-1.2488575199999978,-0.4084999999999983,109.12325,104.2,2.5,14.25,3.1291,-1.8007999999999995,82,2,23,0,4,27,23,25,0.386,0.454,0.16,-0.8157,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220550398430133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141890952705639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44991560832715416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015376405177463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463970809323937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554439547350109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227924932029052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hayley58,2018/01/24,"I can't stop crying and I am so needy. I declined a dinner invitation with a friend tonight because I can't stop crying. I told her I was feeling down and that we could catch up when I am not such a drain. I wanted her to ask me questions or do anything to show she was invested in my well-being and wanting to make sure I was okay but she didn't and now I feel even more isolated. So probably she doesn't care. But I need her so much. More than anything I just want to go to her house and have her hug me and tell me she loves me and that everything will be okay. 

I missed the first month of class for no reason whatsoever and got rejected from an internship after 3 interviews when I thought it was totally going to work out.

I have been crying off and on for the last 3 days and there's no sign of it stopping. I went to a counselling appointment and literally cried all the way through it for no reason. The counsellor even looked like she was going to cry too and she had to leave to get me water because I couldn't pull myself together. I can't eat anymore either. 

I just feel totally disconnected from everyone around me and like there's nothing left for me. I'm unlovable and I will be alone in my life forever. I am no use to anyone around me. I feel like everyone would be better off without me. I just make everything worse and let everyone down.

Now I have to face work tomorrow and pray that I don't start crying randomly again. This is so embarrassing.",3.2723391304347835,4.627062726666669,4.600956521739132,85.30786956521742,73.4,8.417391304347825,26.71014492753623,8.964715089967882,1.9559362318840576,1158,41,245,24,23,384,156,300,0.16699999999999998,0.682,0.151,-0.8816,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,4,20,15,0,1,9,2,30,7,1,5,4,57,56,25,0,7,9,0,4,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,21,3,3,8,1,1,6,13,4,0,1,12,5,49,11,36,35,7,35,1,2,1,2,19,12,0,3,19,181,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360719971073148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963341808173265,0.06319632193729295,0.0,0.14875131281076912,0.16091605886765745,0.08449380085278313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019053277222604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993442876267834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214919830314733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216167461799777,0.0,0.5956740602873954,0.058288106811062786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248207094631536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193912660991761,0.0,0.0,0.25908803974958644,0.16245678083732193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279689158267445,0.06456802594085226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687781987651575,0.0,0.0,0.0698279433394543,0.0,0.047220211607023686,0.0,0.1540963893461222,0.0,0.07228574230535817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428725088054212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367237430148701,0.0,0.09570016442133752,0.09819894945010113,0.09242044047542376,0.06383859668232364,0.13246640759400813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589706712274821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815721556785739,0.0,0.12065970503914522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214105245888121,0.0,0.06644025067667977,0.06701618099970581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672276731734184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744573511542493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012471247348074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585292802112385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639719601183355,0.0,0.0,0.22668706223388765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518278737083987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899675929304366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175221996329766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636267991652882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805994928232092,0.0,0.0,0.15992672430637675,0.07174003256339431,0.0,0.0,0.0812631486448279,0.08378386084229271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712381786595848,0.0,0.13159652502604538,0.0,0.09210570581035472,0.0642038917310623,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuikThrowAway54,2018/01/25,"College stress is destroying me One minute I'll be fine, the next I'll be nonfunctioning.  I've always been a smart student, skated through my classes on instinct, placed in the highest classes, etc.  Freshman year college, classes are hitting like a ton of bricks.  Diff eq, physics, russian.  I feel like I'm barely geting through any of them.  If I drop out I don't have a home, my parents disown me, I've planned on suicide for a while.  But it's getting stressful to the point where I don't want to wait.  I've always figured I'll see how far I can go, when I fail, I'll just end it.  I don't have another option, and I'm hitting the point where I'm starting to break.  After every test I end up curled in a ball even if I get a B, because all it takes is one bad class and it's over.  And I don't want it to be over.  But that's what will happen.  I dont know wgat to do.  I'm supposed to be the smart one. I'm suposed to get a phd, and I cant even get through fucking freshman year.  I just want to end it, but that would make me more patheticm and I'm already pathetic enough.  Sorry for the rant, had to get it out somewhere.",1.5588174273858897,2.921042755186725,3.2107448132780085,93.505494813278,77.87966804979253,5.6498755186722,26.572821576763488,5.985473137389443,0.7111292946058088,868,35,200,5,20,288,124,241,0.129,0.831,0.04,-0.9476,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,2,2,13,0,21,1,0,2,1,26,47,13,1,6,7,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,6,0,3,2,2,19,5,26,37,5,28,0,1,1,1,2,15,1,3,12,116,29,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449836667572967,0.0,0.21864124460711687,0.0,0.0,0.08934448881312572,0.13776582708608814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096987566272309,0.08008944813340847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539791107606703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490972406810329,0.13575306626508302,0.14652602585901847,0.17355357803010946,0.0,0.11069527840944653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643085299179619,0.0938595618800726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146084582344895,0.343209220720142,0.0,0.07466760511142867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161809593792435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178718795393182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220429191291544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837353885745487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769872461276207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972659708045446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26708419840079395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588452797934226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726657019611588,0.0,0.2483975343002831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469470585244192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707176055837354,0.09299308848030724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30099602727978964,0.0,0.0,0.14371094339117815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878316045549433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324781044113418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933302367706486,0.0,0.0,0.1692118242975676
suicidewatch,yetanothersuicide,2018/01/25,"How to kill myself without leaving my family with the bill? Hey y'all, been researching suicide lately (not a big deal, just that my life has been kinda 'worst case scenario' for a while and some family financial issues have pushed it well past that) and the most troubling thing for me is worrying about funerary/clean-up costs that my family would be stuck with on my departure. If I have to head out I'd rather my choice be a net financial gain for my family so I'd really appreciate some tips on what kind of funerary arrangements to specify (knowing to what extent a suicide note is legally binding as a will would also be wonderful!) and any info on how to dodge a postmortem cleaning bill. Obvious choice would be to drive out to the woods or throw myself off a bridge or something but I can't drive and I'm stuck in the burbs so any choice is gonna be a bit of a hassle, unfortunately.

Sorry if this isn't the right place for this, and thanks in advance! ",4.9035164835164835,5.9634889894179866,5.750899470899472,79.72608058608058,69.15873015873018,9.624908424908426,28.29507529507529,9.851270322608157,2.6222857956857952,765,26,148,18,13,251,114,189,0.127,0.815,0.058,-0.9012,0,0,1,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,2,10,6,1,0,14,0,19,2,1,2,1,31,26,17,3,6,9,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,3,5,4,3,1,0,4,0,12,3,26,12,6,19,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,9,3,104,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770610359381667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001856269116229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069105610475726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517442530589582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550225785886241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105724030816886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362591803135953,0.0,0.0,0.16284159415966248,0.1532735390345578,0.08089061583042659,0.0,0.16603435257894605,0.15585072476365064,0.0,0.0,0.10396316057547136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050749702075266,0.0,0.0,0.15378001919174222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429233220722627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569765505465533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331242976753556,0.0,0.1647647939984004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32199932731158304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355108351058465,0.0,0.0,0.0977850948379383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323395909448292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188387492005686,0.1596189896336504,0.0,0.14947644841079108,0.0,0.3136741651209328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SerendipitousLove,2018/01/25,"I haven’t been able to take my celexa for a week because my car got wrecked and I have no one to drive me. The past 2-3 days I’ve been extremely suicidal again. And I’m not sure if I want to take my life right now. But I feel like I might the way my brain is going. And I’ve fully done a blown suicide attempt before so I know I’m capable of it.

I got my car fixed today and got the medication finally. 

I guess I just don’t know what to do and I’m scared. I feel like shit and I think it’s from missing my celexa for a week. I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train of depression. Has anyone cold-turkeyed Celexa before and restarted it. I’ve also missed some doses, but only like two to three days worth of klonopin. 

What was it cold turkeying it or coming back on it? Like how did you feel? When did you feel better?   

Also might have to do with taking adderall. Adderall has made me feel shitty before. Also my lack of sleep due to work has screwed me up also. 

I guess I’m just scared and feel awful. I just feel like I’m spiraling down and down again. I know this feeling and I want it to just stop.",0.2587029288702922,2.212711305439332,2.0120401673640167,97.6646543933055,84.48117154811716,4.9955481171548115,18.34661087866109,6.152001189255117,-0.3750198828451885,858,21,205,7,25,281,118,239,0.18,0.7190000000000001,0.101,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,0,3,15,15,2,2,7,1,19,7,3,2,1,46,53,21,2,4,9,0,9,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,12,0,1,13,0,1,5,4,7,0,3,11,10,28,8,21,39,2,25,0,3,0,1,2,5,2,7,20,121,38,1,0.09438733876080788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019260828232473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599782187649454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257803732434234,0.0,0.05753764563698376,0.0,0.2409500199883759,0.0,0.0,0.0834779308282093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053674858241652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130633471629592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174405006201833,0.0,0.08129567656756151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659101813637268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295256704970474,0.2697213346808128,0.0,0.10339671599579517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053642499774842436,0.0,0.22647053176352475,0.0,0.2079565899353878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561843882234228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666856873198981,0.2766773161793587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931158212585158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950853137498471,0.0,0.2002601010355132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395930350785041,0.07178582438397386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010339499718918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806062715780728,0.0,0.0,0.1889963842078942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688724685546482,0.0,0.0,0.09445550416804298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891204158929256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648885783866452,0.0,0.08895894975379028,0.0,0.2129025962966508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047959548422776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946816072340656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220271495257606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134419578549314,0.07492027613934313,0.1514236595948249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871510676564724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helplessperson,2018/01/25,"Going to kill myself today Im a 23 years old male who sufferes from post finasteride syndrom witch caused by anti androgen drug propecia(finasteride) wich i took for my balding treatment.After quiting drug 13 days later my endocrine system crashed and now i have a whole fucking array of side effects wich are constant.I forgot to mention that this condition doesnt have any cure or treatment so im just stuck with it

Complete impotence and 0 libido
Insomnia(cant sleep more than 2-3 hours a day,always some drivelling while on bed and shaking 
Derealization
Brain fog
Lack of appetite(havent eaten in 3 days)
Lack of attention
No desire to do anything,literaly
Constant urge to urinate,cant hold my pee sometimes
Constant testicle pain

Its caused by my endocrine system not reacting properly to testosterone and other sex hormones

This drug has ruined my life.Would you continiue living like this?I would prefer to be a eunuch,at least i could take TRT and live a life.But my body doesnt responde

I hate my luck since this stuff is ultra rare(1 in 100000 maybe)
Anyway i havent slept in 54 hours and this just gets worse and worse

I just want  to sleep
",6.565062893081759,8.232264122641514,6.119169811320756,76.36419496855346,65.79245283018868,8.294842767295599,32.05786163522012,8.648137234880735,2.7153574842767294,942,38,154,14,15,291,149,212,0.154,0.787,0.059,-0.9605,0,0,3,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,2,6,10,3,1,5,0,12,14,7,4,0,29,23,10,1,7,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,10,8,1,2,3,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,5,0,15,2,20,15,6,23,0,2,0,2,5,5,1,3,13,85,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504137542344944,0.0,0.0,0.07767448560369253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687425344535194,0.0,0.1275088852388908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467373377696485,0.0,0.0,0.11975899062612474,0.3702983465319956,0.0,0.091196513327112,0.0,0.0,0.22099010885266124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973817691883875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559586657951507,0.05967598008119051,0.0,0.06491466788086668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277000953944145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249701903168881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675747830410835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636908309926878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135594036426734,0.05580281855288614,0.0,0.20171922125642666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475077349658115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985617109260215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153964907147333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939255112786436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148854494297988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944851428290524,0.0,0.228607828058898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296790964532374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075620402510682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588029632959633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082685550384382,0.0,0.1269042055735852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673707556528457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752414157584815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328027799216873,0.16227924584344242,0.0,0.0,0.07355485259906172
suicidewatch,dootdoopdooq,2018/01/25,"I’m just a financial mess that brings others down I’m a psychology major.  I want to be a counselor in a psychiatric hospital.  I’m a sophomore with 50k in debt.

I’ve been depressed for the last month.  My highs last 6 hours if I’m lucky.  I don’t cut for my boyfriend.  I haven’t killed myself for him either.  I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve his love, but he doesn’t deserve my mess.  I am a financial and emotional burden.  I’d be working in a psychiatric hospital if I was emotionally stable enough.  What if I’m not in time for my internship or when I should be getting a job?  In a year I need to be hunting for internships before my loans hit me.  I could be in a dead end job and financially stable if I hadn’t gone to college.  There’s nothing else here that I’d want to do.  Everything else I’d enjoy or make enough money for an apartment and my needs don’t need college.  I’ve fucked up and its only added stress.  The only way I can make myself happy ends up hurting me more.  I love him, but he’d be so much better off without me...

I feel lost and stuck.

My loans would be forgiven if I died...

My healthiest way I can think of to get to tomorrow unscathed is to just take my meds early.  I tried to nap earlier, but it just got worse.  I don’t like using seroquel just to sleep though.

I’m tired of this.  I’ve felt exhausted since my depression started setting in harder than normal.  I have my therapist and psychiatrist appointments tomorrow and I feel too exhausted to do it.  I already know I’ll put on my mask like nothing is wrong, go home, and cry some more.",1.7597443762781209,3.643117714723928,3.741865030674848,87.58999591002049,78.9079754601227,7.291451942740286,24.67034764826176,8.238735603445708,1.5187164826175867,1229,45,263,24,30,417,168,326,0.179,0.68,0.142,-0.9419,4,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,10,22,3,1,13,0,29,7,1,3,0,46,63,21,3,14,17,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,9,9,0,0,6,1,4,4,9,14,0,0,9,3,41,8,34,42,8,34,0,4,0,3,7,14,1,9,15,161,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922047950723667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193073045310504,0.0,0.0,0.09554911626221838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625800352214105,0.0,0.11867253973413927,0.0,0.0,0.18610260160748315,0.0,0.11212437434803584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055839945040352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050053171811956,0.2430520541399179,0.1913757660179163,0.2232602611960956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709584518266152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925255685545138,0.0,0.10373156062175662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987759727905593,0.1128887654195049,0.0,0.0613993830073518,0.0,0.08640630705126462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500639557414702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141460297572189,0.10836897763856104,0.0,0.10639375761617947,0.0,0.11565483747112253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441824008248112,0.0,0.11952589432852664,0.0,0.11874758718509285,0.17612761775894845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556192432521984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793412242924076,0.0,0.19501352564443286,0.0,0.14422981890793418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000370848941926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623335295405034,0.0,0.07941893542824759,0.24032211034379103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585240129207542,0.20732702804664066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433258495970424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860608079826543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936854585333627,0.0,0.10811408308540596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646847984635585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375494255549928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122967241861141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543819339128315,0.0,0.06922514541366212,0.10614488114249948,0.0,0.06299669581721032,0.1241715590676263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334939356537427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330846901456533,0.0,0.0,0.12744493547791866,0.1715079926925199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414290727213643,0.0,0.07865153891791088,0.0,0.1100979756672297,0.0767457178397005,0.11812047262811527,0.0,0.06957168101156125
suicidewatch,Kalechip93,2018/01/25,"Done I wish i would just die. Nothing works. I’m hiding in my closet right now crying. I’ve tried calling hotlines, nothing helps. Usually I can barely speak. My life is painful every single day. I was assaulted and the police didnt believe me. My friends dont listen to me anymore. I cant find a full time job and I can barely pay my bills. I hate who I am. I have been trying so hard for so long to deal with these things, but it wont work. I’m so worthless. Everyone tells me. ",-0.5217680339462518,1.696253435643566,1.710700141442718,95.64715346534656,93.85148514851484,4.0738330975954735,19.0954738330976,5.773587663045528,-0.1755041018387553,371,12,81,3,14,124,74,101,0.207,0.738,0.055,-0.9161,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,2,0,13,2,0,0,0,8,18,6,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,4,3,16,1,5,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,50,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777399244179684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196036365149145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830406321492544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690452913210094,0.11560542576015324,0.1848052810867556,0.0,0.0,0.18603964476274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344133894960266,0.21008694273759687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510310879290241,0.17128699022427746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383692816557932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384929029498236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057835438319334,0.17697839555084702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015165880305555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778841284401578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661396214690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586361047203821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34400233554736737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907412456231036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308382364435294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667782831490695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908986056031345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452573741621507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434063993990737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742538985779595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613579459108086,0.0,0.0,0.26100131118523884,0.0,0.0,0.12733846825883732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lastbreathe123,2018/01/25,"Torturing Myself. I'm going too starve myself, not drink anything or sleep. I'm just going to play my suicide song on repeat & lock myself in my dark room, Until i die. I deserve this anyways. I'm coming home, grandma.",1.8195348837209333,4.414959325581396,3.680279069767444,83.99437209302326,83.65116279069767,4.370232558139535,22.55348837209302,5.6839178017228535,0.6173386046511626,173,6,29,1,5,58,33,43,0.302,0.6509999999999999,0.047,-0.9313,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,4,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586641549227396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27240438684283963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851476975585863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435504481554017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32427730727831033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762569141864805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320438669143177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312628669000212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36208631584272105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Val0ria,2018/01/25,"I can't see the point I'm depressed, insomniac, anorexic... yeah, i'm all of this.
When i was 17 i was recovered in a hospital because of my anorexia... now i'm 20. I'm classical musician, because music overwhelms my pain and turns it into art, by my fingers. I love music, it's the only reason i have to live. Because i hate sleeping, i hate eating and i hate everything that isn't ""playing my instrument""...
I can't live anymore, it's a disgusting torture for me. Every year, every meal, every night it's a nightmare for me. Colors have any shine no more... all my world it's colorless...
Love of my family it's colorless, love for my family it's colorless; love, it's colorless.
I want to escape, maybe... maybe i simply want to die.",0.788089802130898,3.2251211575342467,3.7377168949771686,82.71181126331811,87.42465753424658,7.080060882800609,25.234398782343987,8.167268648758528,2.1610407914764083,563,25,107,14,18,200,76,146,0.22,0.631,0.149,-0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,0,0,2,13,5,1,5,1,7,9,2,1,2,8,22,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,4,20,5,12,20,3,8,0,2,3,4,4,4,0,0,4,62,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044019947047192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318939015199452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432149680709131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145471813093768,0.0,0.13802634596945326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608564103436582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33615849817204363,0.0,0.11952606021041555,0.0,0.25074903474629234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393910899226448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487154714536296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801276174932406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721986669785897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248054718439936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114761557240316,0.14151455294700602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572192671603605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673955713291772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597866982709944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308963303372814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144658832211914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688612630941284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564350944042892
suicidewatch,PotatoSailer,2018/01/25,"The irony of feeling so happy. I planned to kill myself just over 1 year ago. I had the place, I had the method, I had the time alone.

Then, less then a month before the date; I met someone who changed my life. I feel like a cliche from a Disney movie, but she kept me interested enough to delay my plans; to see where things went. It became a relationship, my first love, and she was my best friend. I never thought I could be so happy, she redefined my entire outlook on life. The relationship recently ended but we’ve decided to try to stay close friends.

My depression has recently taken a major turn for the worse, but I would say that’s normal given the circumstances.

I am recreating plans for my suicide, I have a couple good methods, i have a few places to choose from and the only thing to decide on is the date. 

I just want to leave it long enough so my ex girlfriend won’t think it’s because of her. Which it isn’t, the plans were put on hold to see where we went, and that’s been done. 

The irony is the first time I’ve felt anything but crippling depression is while writing a thank you/suicide note to my ex for giving me a wonderful extra year of life. 

I know I can never send it to her but, I couldn’t stop smiling just remembering what we had. 

Maybe writing suicide notes should be a form of therapy, or maybe I’m just broken.

I just wanted to share something I found amusing that I couldn’t share with anyone else.",4.51467653508772,5.1745930590277815,5.0306067251462,85.99348684210527,69.7986111111111,8.007602339181288,26.96345029239766,8.032893268588372,1.462976388888888,1123,34,235,14,19,359,155,288,0.13699999999999998,0.662,0.201,0.9722,0,1,3,0,0,4,33.0,2,0,0,7,10,16,1,0,23,0,25,4,0,0,2,46,48,15,3,8,11,2,3,1,3,3,3,1,0,0,13,7,0,4,12,1,0,4,6,3,0,2,17,6,38,13,26,23,8,35,0,2,2,1,24,9,0,2,22,158,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815579964954741,0.0,0.0,0.1029994773509935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953725942193806,0.10189755516982762,0.08183829621081419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062336721769089,0.0,0.08462402531509522,0.0,0.10436589963860217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520416767465143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940216984799005,0.1100387534355078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131106423298093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177115691101693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307712497342817,0.0,0.08808255731448332,0.2055154125523978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056910340542526,0.0710465962665769,0.09548691899612093,0.0,0.0,0.16918303916012029,0.0,0.10904101893613603,0.15366855734781767,0.0,0.0,0.0954008257459576,0.0,0.08341335036212269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173124770131213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002591035242884,0.0,0.05465473174491872,0.0,0.0,0.10530244413103468,0.0,0.0,0.2107319345120752,0.04858590219167483,0.0,0.0,0.08800949664724135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975687155743177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982036757659694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937947852064108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340285442005472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743919408073902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563567025511078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078066932825031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099974009621668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638836245207755,0.21354265008390755,0.11265666482914427,0.0,0.0,0.07908607103948595,0.0,0.0,0.15849642484908466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426306498487532,0.07656092599532552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599971639137573,0.0,0.08314406372043835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32634416258775395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155954946326557,0.11372893600080583,0.0,0.13213938532060673,0.06372309269222202,0.0,0.07895163168892354,0.11597936740690608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751954332712977,0.10817227544862598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731554174548378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438098573341213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784851827695767,0.0,0.0,0.10134732786396232,0.07064592587573212,0.0,0.0,0.12808417089950871
suicidewatch,OkStroke,2018/01/25,"Feeling worse mentally than I have in a long time I might call a hotline tonight if I’m home alone long enough because I don’t know what else to do.

I don’t think I’ll actually hurt myself, but the thoughts are coming into my mind :\ I need help.

Got into a fight with my SO, got rightfully called out on my lazy shit. Scared our relationship will fail the same way my parents’ did. Scared I’ll never get even a shitty part time college job since I didn’t work in high school/first year in college like most people and no one wants to employ a 20 year old new to the working world. Scared I’ll never get my motivation back and have fun working on projects like I used to. Scared one bad week will let my academic performance and reputation slip irreversibly. Scared of genetic illnesses and how I’m probably still very horribly fucked in the end even if I turn my life around in the short term.

I’m tired of being scared, of being physically and emotionally exhausted over the tiniest things, of being a useless lazy burnout piece of shit. Tired of having sappy self help bullshit shoved in my face whenever I take off the mask and let it slip how badly fucked up and insecure I am. I feel so lost and I have no idea what to do anymore.",6.198448979591838,6.075897069387758,6.358265306122451,80.64637755102044,66.06122448979592,9.93877551020408,31.377551020408163,9.606745405546679,2.6031632653061223,982,34,200,18,14,314,144,245,0.386,0.5429999999999999,0.071,-0.9987,3,1,0,0,1,2,18.0,1,0,0,8,9,22,5,7,13,0,20,10,3,4,2,35,41,15,0,4,3,1,2,2,0,3,5,0,1,1,4,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,19,0,2,6,2,22,3,28,27,6,38,0,4,0,2,9,20,4,4,18,117,26,12,0.0,0.0,0.08747828472613252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284273937717953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088901410363353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798009542066241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892965621370811,0.1496957186668814,0.05464532080661897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307031448591726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721919614532291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488492233634587,0.10083590349961273,0.07939677096182056,0.09262480925303332,0.0,0.11841623546705153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065202365103507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624998308610688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657463508653392,0.09366915820821343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339081511425514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017114290309013,0.0947123700080878,0.08991887610398883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596429926725032,0.10119562828613364,0.0,0.0,0.08895648729250094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926525013162315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833313440568652,0.06331724709528261,0.08758973095009187,0.0,0.0,0.15866182955651215,0.0,0.0,0.097855530007087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033869611206226,0.09509667405314794,0.0905135113202608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646888108860145,0.13827585924637875,0.08657741951137568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406487029646853,0.0,0.12148834454595228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953754230987064,0.09707424261232704,0.0,0.062146918941270765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664992667975164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624264664999893,0.0,0.07655432405419756,0.0,0.0,0.5384875205786817,0.09072313663459856,0.0,0.0,0.09351682299000633,0.0,0.1840337618223235,0.07415331746490851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158872743922151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740010849357407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955458623821579,0.05743938357056873,0.0,0.07116624232294798,0.10454268757690613,0.2060620535275408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750544988776473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742245841570151,0.0,0.07396456545390079,0.052873551144594785,0.07115415445367715,0.07190591798348428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957827268686298,0.0,0.0913535077016258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154538411553455
suicidewatch,shysub143,2018/01/25,"Idk guys, i dont think im suicidal, but i dont know what to do about this...pain?...in my chest Idk guys...i have this pulsating...pain...rythym in my chest. I think i am sick in the head...idk what to do. I just want the pain to stop. Im desperate. I cant think straight. Ive never felt this way in my life. I just want the pain to stop.

I feel like my soul got expelled and replaced by something else...ive never ever been this way never ever. I cant control myself. I feel like a video game character or like at the very end of that black mirror episode space fleet

Help",-1.0055182926829254,1.0494317967479674,1.1268241869918718,100.67608993902444,92.8211382113821,4.3758130081300814,15.817581300813007,5.985473137389443,-0.7505443089430891,433,10,107,4,16,143,68,123,0.227,0.629,0.14400000000000002,-0.8935,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,10,6,2,1,5,22,20,3,1,2,4,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,4,16,3,11,17,0,16,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,11,57,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258335582321524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798299084330304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259648506799155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299866791103736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855811519482654,0.18163861857689007,0.12206152701208405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167480098569212,0.0,0.0,0.12587537742992308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046862630521347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521031859090235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746372095903857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986548613524349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897933175461075,0.1863229898437663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941437453744577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5410869053289138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786831154148176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256715550993965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905592946038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443728863089982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489280595171024,0.14996519228236244,0.20181444641675936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HoodrichNeek,2018/01/25,How do I tell people who I love goodbye Just been an overwhelming sadness growing in me for years. 21 and a college student so all of that doesn't really help. Im just going to get the burden of me out of everyones life and kill myself in 4 weeks. Just want to know how to say bye to the ones I actually love without it being hard for them so at least there is some closure. Any tips are appreciated. ,2.3738726333907043,4.018980397590365,4.3885025817555965,84.71807228915665,76.34939759036145,7.152495697074013,25.110154905335627,7.957251820313856,1.3918516351118768,315,11,66,5,7,108,65,83,0.13699999999999998,0.695,0.168,0.255,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,1,4,0,6,3,0,2,1,13,12,6,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,1,2,7,2,14,10,3,8,0,2,0,2,8,4,0,1,3,48,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.2462262954432104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158511865959292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110097984275636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182591482616535,0.0,0.14339832320121693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22602766580598085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912365982506092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27254709745344985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791528511578738,0.0,0.13866755700536693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821990038719254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554542930117194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097743234637314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492576211370692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616415849636336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006536655486923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053734423669696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882389002046292,0.0,0.2023945469546635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432258688061415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624847337334525
suicidewatch,cvnt7,2018/01/25,"Out of options. I don’t know what to do from here. I’ve tried for so long to make something of my life and I keep failing. 
What’s the point in trying anymore? 
I wish people showed they cared a little more. No one’s aware that I’m struggling. I physically can’t say the words “I need help” or even talk about anything that makes me feel depressed and suicidal, most of the time I don’t know why I feel those feelings. The thought of suicide scares me, yet it’s all I want. 

Please help me. ",0.7995989304812845,2.9713837549019573,1.7930303030303032,98.72318181818184,84.0,4.493404634581107,21.037433155080205,5.565023196281405,-0.2404823529411764,381,12,88,2,11,119,72,102,0.21,0.657,0.132,-0.8889,1,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,2,1,20,18,4,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,4,13,1,11,17,3,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,3,51,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761913261672362,0.0,0.0,0.1461993285213573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113656493021815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301859715299998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734298410676315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269491229692632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23816397229909306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791268004313078,0.0,0.0,0.19527496176212325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548675762713368,0.0,0.17806234145183514,0.0,0.15722381707684044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371793233011515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173289669969773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038724949315945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316731557707596,0.0,0.0,0.19501771138271135,0.16794645348366433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412826392619517,0.17786900115436755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677161536521396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572916962187846,0.0,0.3886631699034946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279665783366058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104247122706934,0.103595177455447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123942832501594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478867609931122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603108305074634,0.0,0.20430063205916066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DgDiavlo,2018/01/25,"I think i finally found out why I think about suicide so often. I suffer from depression since I am 21. I am 24 now. It has gotten worse the older I get. I think i found out why and the Moment I realised I broke down crying.

I do not have a real passion. Work makes me depressive because I hate it. And i fear that there Will Never be anything that feels different. And I hate that feeling. It is the reason suicide Is so appealing to me. Because my future is just Full of misery and I do not see the light.",0.5289999999999999,2.7692363047619075,2.88154761904762,89.98803571428573,85.95238095238096,5.404761904761906,21.13095238095238,6.816661863887847,0.5926666666666671,392,13,81,5,12,134,65,105,0.373,0.615,0.012,-0.9925,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,1,5,0,11,1,0,2,1,21,24,6,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,4,19,1,7,19,1,10,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,1,6,62,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363929199276847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979919975929132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838601033958296,0.0,0.0,0.2797454296415085,0.0,0.0,0.16967080601295806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182742318446254,0.16422609460034895,0.0,0.0,0.17789850556029613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35612091755325914,0.0,0.0,0.08484598256876016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206677879657704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084015814636915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525095098238906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484388988129,0.0,0.1669716605938271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940976890363085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343368767563384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552729781654258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121732508595215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29307693960660625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822730234025965,0.0,0.16549690998221425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OnlyTenMoreYears,2018/01/25,"I'll never find anyone. Why even try. I'll preface this by saying this is a throwaway account and if anyone tells me ""It's okay to be a virgin"" or ""You'll find someone"" or stories of how you lost your virginities then fuck off. 

I'm literally the only person out of all the people I know who's still never had a girlfriend and is still a virgin. People tell me not to worry about it but all they do is patronize me. I'm nineteen and I just keep seeing stories about people younger than me finding happy relationships. Wherever I go, it's everywhere. 
Just today I thought a girl I was gonna be with - even made out with her - told me we're better off as friends. In other words, what I've heard for the past three years. I refuse to live a life all by myself. 

So I'm fucking done. I'm giving it ten more years to find someone who'll give me the time of day or I will jump off a bridge. I will jump off a bridge and there is NOTHING you can do to stop me. 
I'm done. Fuck this shit. ",1.2759438259109288,3.008851245192311,3.0890890688259134,92.41380566801621,79.81730769230771,5.532793522267207,21.04352226720648,6.339386263674448,0.15044807692307716,761,21,170,6,19,254,117,208,0.098,0.8059999999999999,0.096,-0.1094,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,4,1,2,11,9,4,0,12,1,17,8,1,2,5,33,37,13,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,0,2,11,8,0,3,6,0,1,3,3,5,0,2,9,3,22,4,24,21,4,22,0,1,1,6,21,7,4,4,12,112,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760970054984406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600130876152423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077296050060584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453049383347602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832515046529014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381783058360196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259906521736057,0.3324098570984703,0.0,0.22995015864032084,0.06811590949798155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275870350631971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653192868121768,0.0,0.0,0.06586873927409782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465657292574448,0.0,0.0,0.10583346312672093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083502824698034,0.0,0.0,0.11340895131175717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848779108249193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500334683509356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115452742696352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441440508646482,0.2492754541686634,0.10465207304691022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867856719088658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531287826688474,0.0,0.0,0.09550828767201483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302862405772033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310416612523688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143145361325187,0.10020348614920596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095157243906262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515085477417592,0.06988795360440622,0.0,0.11360777675101046,0.11452583374911104,0.0,0.08137314104984776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081497822580383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171776796246216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436436313500151
suicidewatch,georgs66r,2018/01/25,"i want to die... the only reason i haven't killed myself is because i promised my GF that i wouldn't, and it doesnt help that she's on the other side of the earth. i haven't gotten any medication for my depression because my mom doesnt believe in ""that"" type of medicine... i constantly ""joke"" about wanting to die. i usually lay on my bed, listening and singing along to music, trying to drown out all the voices in my head. the highlights of my days are usually any type of interaction with my GF",5.225233333333335,5.29657959,6.1320000000000014,80.78433333333334,68.1,9.466666666666667,31.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.595666666666667,389,15,80,7,6,129,62,100,0.134,0.792,0.073,-0.8002,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,7,2,1,1,1,10,11,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,2,16,2,17,9,1,10,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,53,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27370113951648456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534891305058204,0.0,0.0,0.2267293440994881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746969338165614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978359655844304,0.0,0.17332831106268126,0.0,0.4177121279732485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653100545931732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134887392260254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264300674222276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272882316723784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569066344436385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305261268569384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690894548766603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662921844556322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432763770250148,0.0,0.2373939453728925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mkultratide,2018/01/25,"i'm so embarrassed senior in highschool busy fucking up everything ! i attempted about two months ago and for a second i felt the least alone i've ever felt. i realized i had friends who cared about me. but now i'm looking back and feel like such an idiot. they were only talking to me because they were sorry for me because i was so fucking embarassingly public about this shit. i don't know why i can't just not share this stuff, it's like this pathological neediness or something. and after my attempt nothing felt real so i didn't care what people knew. but now i'm looking at myself and i feel so much shame for sharing what i did. people still don't care about me even with me oversharing--nobody's reached out in ages. i'm just so alone, i'll have these really strong intense connections with people for a moment and then it'll dissipate into nothing. i'd do it again but i know i have to wait until i leave home so my mom doesn't have to find me.",3.1083247422680422,4.823784304123713,4.284110824742268,85.94358891752579,74.51546391752578,7.1180412371134025,25.527061855670105,7.8658589789855275,1.4256505154639174,761,26,152,11,16,249,111,194,0.13699999999999998,0.722,0.142,-0.5539999999999999,0,2,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,20,15,4,2,4,0,15,4,1,0,1,29,35,17,0,0,7,1,5,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,11,9,0,1,10,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,10,7,24,9,21,24,2,20,0,0,2,2,9,6,3,1,16,105,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399503918953567,0.0,0.0,0.2663790585260372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888450647786552,0.0,0.1567852177452914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933450113416976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493826638872322,0.11632493844473216,0.0,0.0,0.11557627101426728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300467913572692,0.0918709779491307,0.3704249221148108,0.0,0.11753693445887063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935508092889167,0.2377749579224908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899503892809186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134902778770395,0.0,0.0,0.13616751584344364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565371413830412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159811355058336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061331036359,0.1026463012164605,0.0,0.09453488341804794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467879520181577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780514984985922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674625587674991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637353972008224,0.08238365692051841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200477641034886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900160617814877,0.0,0.14395578032275932,0.0,0.0,0.10269913374089967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721481018749347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033628099270041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562229980483164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604037625506053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NhanduLizz,2018/01/25,"I'm completely incapable of having a future, so I have no reason to exist I will be 20 years old this April, and I have been socially isolated for over four years, no school, no jobs, just being in my home, where I'm pretty much miserable at this point. 
I live with my dad, older sister and her boyfriend, and that's all the people I meet, with exceptions of my mom and other sister occasionally. Besides that, I know no one, I have no friends, and no other family.
I have extreme anxiety when it comes to doing anything outside of my bubble (Like right now I have to go to the dentist, because I broke a tooth, and I pretty much want to overdose on morphine to calm my nerves), which is part because of my Aspergers, but has only gotten worse because of the isolation. (and I think I have a plethora of other issues because of being isolated for so long.)

I also have terrible chronic pain in my entire body, that keeps getting worse and worse, and no doctor has been able to figure out what it is. It's pretty much unbearable at this point, and no pain medication, or other types of pain relief works.
So I am basically imprisoned in my own body.

I think about suicide a lot, about how I will never have to go through any more pain or anxiety. 

It's a nice thought.",9.753024193548383,6.454437286290325,9.831193548387096,68.74929032258065,61.21774193548386,12.823225806451616,39.31612903225806,10.793553405168565,4.093051935483871,989,36,187,18,10,331,133,248,0.276,0.65,0.07400000000000001,-0.9954,1,1,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,1,11,12,0,1,8,0,22,11,3,2,2,31,35,19,1,1,5,4,0,1,1,2,8,0,1,0,16,14,0,1,6,0,0,3,9,7,0,2,4,0,26,5,32,26,8,25,0,2,0,0,8,12,0,3,11,145,42,5,0.10512805487776243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407086750402652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149068231148904,0.0,0.1608453484666967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651143167360409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25634034596062605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335471390913933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055851060305196,0.1102247653943893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760301882449697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910537398146993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122167441714376,0.0,0.05492506967317884,0.0,0.11949339252801552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545201066005652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972637616625124,0.1043233729412001,0.09344264551770036,0.0,0.0,0.05777562962466586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136025739011009,0.0,0.09282999849231452,0.09303502037985988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937611284225494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590545525703328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312470729096303,0.0,0.0,0.2318436495725469,0.0,0.08108123686073722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103142091519092,0.0,0.07123749072061672,0.07995462298612248,0.447454649875686,0.0,0.0,0.113843438778456,0.0,0.0728825563956736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987599844995685,0.0,0.0,0.32085907808591124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808914946715473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977878445567616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639520405528133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716481285975038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499302906251264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472362536172747,0.0,0.08345993265526112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062007250540885225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653447602010169,0.0,0.3214034077842993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539804116521745
suicidewatch,downbrokendown,2018/01/25,"How to get immediate psychiatric help Almost all the psychiatrists that my shit insurance covers are all booked out until April or march
The only recent one is next week but hell can I wait till next week
I just want to know if there is a way to see an urgent psychiatrist that can write a prescription 
I'm not a drug seeker, just want some actual help that can maybe help get me through the day instead of all that counseling bullshit 
Any idea where I can go?

Getting help in this country is so goddamn difficult.",5.337792207792205,6.69563391919192,5.65904761904762,79.68000000000005,68.39393939393939,9.293506493506491,28.284271284271284,9.606745405546679,2.5065544011544008,414,14,78,9,7,132,72,99,0.191,0.6629999999999999,0.146,-0.8874,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,7,0,8,2,1,1,3,19,18,7,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,0,9,18,4,15,1,0,1,0,5,3,2,4,10,50,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.17950926385006075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419996808528244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509272530282134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863292803075598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332431152514345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883198102486614,0.0,0.1045433729523032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931928756053894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765785240713125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109444660698666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480311618068454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39126712924939705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464969657373502,0.1399027309085609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162903913613035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658482301300232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888226615994328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699767600197126,0.14601143501888372,0.29510817328182354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notathrowaway918,2018/01/25,Not worth the time I feel like I shouldn’t even post my problems here cause everyone else has much bigger problems than I do  ,3.848399999999998,5.5868116400000005,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,72.6,6.6000000000000005,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.7986,101,3,21,1,2,30,22,25,0.266,0.64,0.094,-0.5523,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321201704257581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27007730228277826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353789537083545,0.0,0.0,0.3089288774715146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347118505498642,0.23096698474084185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794900698717554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376641401159717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30963390865399865,0.0,0.0,0.6187126254536427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851997273460666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StrangeExplanation,2018/01/25,"What am I doing with my life? Hi, I really would like opinions on what I should do because I'm so tired of being yelled at constantly and I have severe anxiety when I talk to my family or in public for what they'd done to me. I'm just so ready to go commit suicide and it feels like it's the only way. I just felt encouraged to do so because when my family found me in my house laying on the floor, they did nothing. None of them cared and they just called the police and went home once they arrived. I'm not motivated to do anything and I don't have anyone. All of my relatives are struggling financially and I don't think anyone has the time for me. I was mentally and physically abuse as a child because my mother had previously been abused by her parents. I would like therapy but my anxiety is so bad I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing all of my secrets or even talk to a fellow human being.",5.1336907114624495,5.15090241847826,6.581462450592888,77.66986166007908,68.29347826086956,9.951778656126482,29.77075098814229,9.800150414767053,2.6496260869565225,711,24,143,15,11,244,107,184,0.172,0.769,0.059,-0.9637,1,0,0,0,2,2,11.0,0,0,5,1,10,9,0,1,6,0,24,2,0,1,3,30,35,17,1,4,7,2,3,3,1,4,2,1,1,2,5,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,8,4,28,7,20,20,3,13,0,0,0,0,19,6,0,3,7,106,33,1,0.0,0.3344111329489754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159146903070732,0.0,0.0,0.1973504730736056,0.0,0.11613073772969745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783032201000967,0.25807855312065364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410054140794729,0.0,0.14388248651974167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250190193141858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441600178523084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320923324030088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26607304886291194,0.0,0.14271025561432651,0.10081702600904452,0.13549849960207352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473213102129665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020244006860419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155608751494958,0.0,0.0,0.16283493774560626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967808939982864,0.2068340957483133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221699521729506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540961429141324,0.0,0.0,0.15028949098346547,0.0,0.10732904510596923,0.0,0.0,0.15669841150977204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040586557242254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594268072644038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753053727577142,0.0,0.15436370709001573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685577816639105,0.0,0.0,0.1613844110948376,0.0,0.0,0.0904247779756168,0.0,0.0,0.08228891681525413,0.1621980797942871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201545383250353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082078249400633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049692795198215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwie25,2018/01/25,"If I don't get to where I want to be when I'm 25, I swear I will kill myself. There I said it. I'll be free. 

Edit: If you're over 25 and you aren't satisfied, don't do it. I'm not you. I'm probably doomed to be a failure at this point, I just have to wait.",-3.3735937499999977,-1.9515336718749976,0.6206250000000004,104.861875,96.65625,4.45,12.6875,5.985473137389443,-1.3392750000000002,191,3,59,2,8,71,39,64,0.252,0.674,0.07400000000000001,-0.9028,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,16,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,9,2,6,11,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,1,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383249106336949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046737463803775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312188935332916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918179170032346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339128707393728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690551424282303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PiscesMermaid87,2018/01/25,"Thought about killing myself, but took my sleep medication and went to bed instead. I've been struggling quite a bit lately. I've been very depressed. I am in a job where my supervisor is nothing but a bully, and extremely unreasonable. I am job searching, and I am waiting for an offer (or rejection) for the position i want. I interviewed with them twice. I would be an internal transfer, and I'm not asking an unreasonable amount of money. But it's taking forever. And I've been waiting in this purgatory limbo for over a month. Two weeks ago they said they would check my references but neither myself nor my references have gotten any calls.

I lost my car in Hurricane Harvey. And that has contributed greatly to my independence which greatly affects my mental health as well. I'm hoping to be able to buy a car in May. But it greatly depends on if I get this new job or not.

I am often lonely. Even though I have a boyfriend, he works a lot and very hard. He hasn't been available physically or emotionally. I am worth more dead than alive due to life insurance (mine pays out for suicide after 3 years) and I just feel like a burden. Everything seems pointless, even my academic career. I've been at my undergrad for 5 years now and it just feels like im not making any progress. I feel stuck and useless. I'm in therapy, on medications, and eat well and exercise, and I still just feel like it's never going to get better.",3.6378260869565215,5.742299666666671,4.927608695652175,80.21684782608699,74.07246376811594,8.223188405797101,28.52898550724637,8.959647251330699,2.509285507246376,1132,47,211,25,24,375,159,276,0.142,0.736,0.123,-0.8646,3,2,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,3,5,14,18,1,1,12,0,20,7,1,4,1,52,45,25,3,5,15,0,5,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,8,15,1,2,8,1,5,5,7,8,2,2,12,6,29,10,27,28,5,28,0,5,0,0,10,11,0,10,15,141,37,10,0.1070578971099786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490036628411423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560608241301198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008468204403012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946840100260482,0.11687949589184388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931808273976053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220880990735122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954695577682166,0.0,0.12042572464971794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142146270813236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621673478939304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652675803477475,0.2294465492596441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186666517642203,0.0,0.0608434700778079,0.0,0.0,0.3540951285339884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590284749651977,0.0,0.0,0.1137975383749424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063326479877413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156409001061572,0.0,0.3187153307313996,0.0,0.11844370120511087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076597105382622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561815880693669,0.1569092424740235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168663412841928,0.09101679569627384,0.0,0.0,0.07146197763910589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569913655258216,0.10788918000072803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545259208126861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256965016122217,0.10339718414879966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272493964447653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386925159349565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018365761633454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746148871550804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713521304292092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549657492435231,0.0,0.0,0.11192015882089283,0.0,0.11710396323848815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049421510701732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243003553350977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518384034792094,0.0849920118221716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894526286007903,0.0,0.0,0.10458000935557983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666795425146775,0.06314552148993446,0.0,0.08587538742881934,0.0,0.1925158132768852,0.09924374318812436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793942414946513,0.0,0.0,0.1521017169316048,0.0,0.0,0.13788355141558595
suicidewatch,miggynovz,2018/01/25,"I am a high-functioning depressed, suicidal college kid I’ve been really stressed out because of school lately particularly bc of the pressure from everyone to me to fucking graduate. I’ve been a straight A student, performs well in school, has an awesome boyfriend, great friends, yada yada yada...

But deep inside i have this constant thought of killing myself even in the most random times: on the shower, on my commute to school, while jacking off, etc. I haven’t acted on it but the thought of ending myself lingers inside of me. 

I also have difficulty explaining to my friends how fucking depressed i am because i do things as normally as any health person would: i go to school, socialize, hang out with friends, crack jokes, etc. but again deep inside i feel helpless and alone. 

I’ve reduced my self as nothing but a piece of shit even though I objectively perform well academically as well as in my work. Lately, I’ve felt like im nothing which probably makes it easier for me to generate suicidal thoughts

Sorry for breaking down, i just had to get that out of my system. Anyways, if someone’s here from Manila and feeling the same, please hit me up. Usap tayo :)",6.114583333333336,7.542213513888893,6.251000000000001,75.89400000000003,66.6388888888889,8.722962962962962,36.62222222222222,9.029198982220553,3.47143,933,48,157,16,15,297,130,216,0.152,0.679,0.16899999999999998,0.2967,1,1,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,3,12,18,4,2,10,0,11,4,1,2,0,26,24,16,3,3,6,0,3,1,3,1,1,0,1,3,6,6,0,0,7,1,0,3,1,9,3,0,7,3,21,9,36,15,5,27,0,3,0,2,8,15,3,3,8,109,27,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873659677757877,0.0,0.08395939960199146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139589422842406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800023468052207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345545184059712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085317124048367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298879726548984,0.0,0.2341802338994393,0.13868804964477954,0.0,0.0,0.10032117114639102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617084985793736,0.0,0.10080558538207356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433419526117729,0.19412066298670003,0.0548522456085847,0.0,0.0596674792999892,0.0,0.0,0.1157503767454962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159804423865688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092629166809873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113405777226256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615440540837545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23686358022585965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129215983968358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700807509181315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286660310890756,0.20147891637314955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167205500518948,0.0,0.1152460295932508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131955409379259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725842889600264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250165470261124,0.0,0.0,0.10952607755436357,0.0,0.10776935863254837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070227251518903,0.08895655741320059,0.0,0.0,0.11752621790445715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026416409294287,0.0,0.0,0.2296811241549401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974980567658838,0.0,0.10315083292631062,0.2500478243390111,0.06121973641316621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831922625943935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643300047062072,0.0,0.0,0.07458093723865006,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daaalia,2018/01/25,"I don't have a future It was never supposed to be this way. From the age of 5, I've been called variants of gifted and genius. Constantly, my parents remind me of my potential. And yet, despite all that I have going for me, loving, educated parents, a home, friends, I have failed spectacularly. I have a B in precalc for the past two quarters, which could be easily fixed I believe if I was only motivated enough or less lazy. If only my stupid brain could pull itself together to work. In English, I didnt bring myself to study for a vocab quiz which, when he enters it, will drop my grade down to a B. I got a fucking 1/20. I had my english midterm today. It was mostly on a book I didnt read. I haven't received my score yet, but I calculated based on the number of questions I did not know that I got AT MOST a 68%. I don't know how to face my parents. Last year I had straight A 's. I had so much potential. Writing this now, makes it seem so stupid. So inconsequential. So minimal. But all I have to my life is school. And in the future, when I enter college, there will be only school. Theres nothing more to me than my intellect but that doesn't matter if I don't put in effort. God, why am I so terrible. Im worthless and stupid. I want to die. I want to kill myself, but I don't like pain. I cant do it. There was once a time when I could do anything. Now all my teachers hate me and so do all my peers. Im the weird girl in class that was *supposed* to be smart, but cant do anything. Im so stupid, so so stupid. It's stupid of me to be feeling this way after a dumb midterm. It's stupid of me to be so lazy when I know that if I only did this or that Id be in a better place. It's stupid of me to not consider any future outside of a ""perfect"" Ivy League school. Still, all I can think of is how the hell do you kill yourself in the middle on a computer lab with all your classmates are taking their own english midterm. Can I choke myself? Will that get me out of here? Can I electrocute myself somehow using the wires I see? Im coming home now, after school and I don't know how to talk to my parents. They already know of my suicidal ideation.  I don't want to kill myself; I just want to die.",0.70015018077315,2.559990063965888,2.85325530731436,92.76573074070645,82.26226012793177,5.528154259757113,21.496291832761656,6.601985625127523,0.298519013627514,1696,53,387,17,46,575,202,469,0.229,0.698,0.073,-0.9984,4,0,0,0,0,4,68.0,0,2,2,6,29,26,15,0,22,0,53,6,2,6,8,58,78,34,6,11,14,4,1,1,1,3,2,0,2,1,22,9,0,0,10,2,0,8,15,20,0,2,15,2,65,6,49,50,13,50,1,2,1,2,17,16,3,11,24,275,87,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190407161004943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663480915812553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370684476470129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938306150738412,0.0,0.0736564125520635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297057232299988,0.0850405237322042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174031356004708,0.0,0.08999856269582229,0.0,0.1994823816865512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286772493962976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860528623834248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042110025267156084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643436862174009,0.07699312979207451,0.04351155616873061,0.0,0.04733124137768622,0.0,0.13321690138508996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822240137078249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707784304118012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598366331872849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27641852466188066,0.0,0.2288488270070437,0.06788617719845386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882474031231784,0.040687517331662544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516551308899189,0.0,0.05559157143137748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061222061502852074,0.0,0.0642324318000621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991159786914212,0.0,0.0,0.08869291468168918,0.0,0.2533597200485081,0.08861822227479565,0.0,0.36990048344289,0.0,0.07950236389917555,0.0,0.0,0.08701226130587435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372169838794127,0.09329521840104947,0.0,0.08330482161434141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371444715414229,0.06636519794993828,0.07581706371321667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650933977853338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109730170282017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261791314442562,0.06693914539963923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053363924953238516,0.0,0.0,0.048562569681914164,0.0,0.07894186752279518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813546903186093,0.0,0.0,0.07192915389690377,0.0,0.0,0.1964881960702029,0.1322112015255937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514930780086118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060630494817910115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363106053712803
suicidewatch,kokoxoxoo,2018/01/25,"Therapist told me my reason to live is not valid enough. Do any of you have similar experiences? I feel like each therapist i go to is worse than the one before. Recently she asked me why haven't i killed myself yet (mind you not in a compassionate way at all, it was as if she was accusing me) and i told her that as much as i hate being alive i can't imagine leaving my little brother alone or what if he was the one who finds my body etc. And she told me that it's not enough of a reason to be alive. I'm not an expert but i don't think telling a suicidal person that their reason not to kill themselves is not valid is the brightest idea. Even thought i don't really agree with what she said, i cant help but think about it and it's getting to me.What IS a good reason to be alive anyway?",2.83098039215686,3.5548445882352944,4.303235294117648,89.44289215686277,73.70588235294117,7.784313725490197,23.57843137254902,8.07648339933343,0.9689019607843136,620,16,144,9,12,207,95,170,0.083,0.743,0.173,0.9635,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,0,4,6,3,0,8,0,18,1,1,4,1,29,31,11,3,2,11,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,11,0,0,1,11,3,0,2,8,2,25,3,16,20,6,7,0,0,0,0,20,3,0,3,3,102,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504382690996566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210313826763174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286982455890368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027355890153286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410805739189974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495006220949948,0.13465012471079466,0.07974354995556762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810084372396287,0.0,0.0,0.061046647430377125,0.0862522656870002,0.0,0.0,0.1103485249127901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307843825140831,0.0,0.06861581265968272,0.10126580069059914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191996524173797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092533510725047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362937878863019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671481689724865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783968361554424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898444633089884,0.1210070063315474,0.10661017569241604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190674164151034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875325008271792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362472314896298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054201153821048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734517715605163,0.4965379037937274,0.11921008258083313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484551132589466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320632040382134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552668091784732,0.0,0.0,0.2803625429615393,0.0,0.15472271467204773,0.0,0.09584916759845953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460990190605545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583288723617214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894349430690538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230380779508548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostThrowAwayLost,2018/01/25,"Recently attempted suicide and a friend who cut off contact has suddenly messaged me. How do I handle this situation? This is a throwaway account because some of my friends are aware of my reddit username.

I recently attempted to commit suicide for the first time and it was easily the worst week of my life. In the space of 3 days I had my first experience being resuscitated in the back of an ambulance and a police car taking me to a psychiatric hospital. My attempt also caused problems for my physical health; I couldn't walk, I was chronically fatigued and I had problems with my heart.

My friends sent me messages when they found out what happened including the guy in question. I didn't have the energy or mindset to communicate with anyone and just wanted to shut myself away. I slowly opened up to 2 mutual friends who are more mature and experienced mental health issues. He abruptly stopped communicating with me and when my friends sent me a card, it struck me that this his name wasn't on it. When I went back on social media, I noticed he unfriended me and this was 3 weeks after my attempt.

I told my 2 friends about what happened and apparently he resented that I was talking to them about MH issues instead of him. He believes that I'm obligated to tell him things because I met others through him but he's also immature, doesn't understand MH and I didn't feel safe sharing deeply personal & traumatic things. It got stranger because another grievance he had was that I don't follow him on twitter and just to clarify he does have a social media addiction he denies. At first I felt indifferent because it was so soon after my attempt and I had to convince myself he wasn't worthy of my time and friendship. I later developed simmering anger but that's probably due to the slow rate of recovery and how he behaved.

2 weeks ago, he sent me a message and a friend request (after 3 months of no contact) asking what I was up to and how I was feeling. He then talks about himself and attaches an article asking me to read it, as if nothing had happened. It annoyed me more that he said he hoped he didn't offend me in anyway.

This is where I feel conflicted, I was told my mutual friends that he said he wanted to kill himself on social media but now he's taken a break. What if he's very immature & incapable of handling difficult situations and his own MH situations may have played a part. A part of me is still raging at him but I'm trying to be more empathetic since my suicide attempt.

I'm stuck on how to approach this, please help.",5.863353658536584,6.750297398373983,6.811128048780488,73.61474085365855,66.88617886178862,9.889837398373984,35.09044715447155,9.978442167317967,3.6626105691056905,2048,97,361,46,32,684,225,492,0.159,0.7390000000000001,0.102,-0.9861,2,0,0,0,0,4,38.0,0,0,2,9,23,25,7,0,20,0,35,7,1,5,1,57,66,37,4,8,9,0,4,0,8,1,6,2,0,2,29,23,0,3,7,2,1,8,9,12,0,3,33,7,62,13,55,29,8,60,0,1,0,0,68,20,0,7,31,259,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152613077485556,0.0,0.0,0.06629193657734551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961025643595875,0.0,0.16205792350336268,0.0,0.0,0.07841805648793819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522910529957992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982680266087158,0.0,0.07026248844612377,0.11500931055453364,0.0,0.182351719599922,0.0,0.0,0.0842565089574706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682426974673624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822980814146807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544440961312344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731535795063408,0.0,0.0,0.11343985281336814,0.0,0.07180483647384707,0.0,0.0,0.1908349424521868,0.0,0.08199733131999981,0.4622264807593297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981198692988495,0.0,0.0,0.07404840094737307,0.1983950278844814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898482781456916,0.0,0.0886199786248437,0.050126466070659785,0.0,0.0,0.07427787091359744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561111521824751,0.0,0.0,0.08273795598183722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052822495676333486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536517463565691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969226501889165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175773340469402,0.08514263551716568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196862611403798,0.0,0.0,0.06529893054953402,0.0,0.08209091071530161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063032693882699,0.14311731073914807,0.0,0.0,0.08377574205083384,0.0,0.0748047259737728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768132011685187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422743475628624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186250146475089,0.2521826943504593,0.0,0.2287001037509045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059722988902880324,0.06252318078730479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454062763273385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056228628103944786,0.12021787770508832,0.0653649389720462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936698193274293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721487297471013,0.0,0.0,0.14291956664362473,0.0,0.05077375852487545,0.0,0.0,0.07785328966320144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061705034854265574,0.08821965751368996,0.0,0.1799628165799571,0.0,0.0,0.0693259698221713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeletedLife,2018/01/25,"about to pick up the ashes. I've always gotten exactly what I needed from life, not more not less. Never what I want, and I've been very accepting of that the last 30+ years of my life. Now, I've always fought hard with depression, and I've tried to end it before, luckily? it didn't work, and no one found out. But, I'm at that point again, and knowing whats coming for me in the next few months, is really making me rethink my stance. I can't do square one again, and that's whats coming. I cannot continue to just get exactly what I need to survive, I need to have something more, for even a week or something..  I know this sounds like just minor depression, and that I should nut up since everyone probably reading this has it a lot worse than I do, but I'm out of energy to keep this shit up.
I'm Just going to burn this down, and hopefully try again in a different life. ",4.365755928853755,4.1922310597826105,5.555375494071146,85.02638339920952,69.92391304347827,9.51699604743083,25.966403162055336,9.339509955726095,1.768158695652173,681,17,153,13,11,228,107,184,0.08800000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.083,-0.4522,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,2,0,6,0,10,4,1,2,3,38,29,10,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,16,12,0,1,5,1,0,3,7,4,0,2,5,3,13,3,25,23,5,25,0,2,1,0,1,10,1,3,13,99,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426809033338688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408875802747035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25123555736241954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512026238161333,0.0,0.0,0.15235906341730998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916018944194574,0.0,0.0,0.0963179183526315,0.0,0.0,0.1393447582004003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598927085240104,0.0,0.0,0.0761890318238392,0.0,0.08287732669460057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063310841323214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483995725937893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296184918000808,0.0,0.0,0.16028634320569818,0.11886915960704605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090075653215836,0.07124412054567716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239776216242986,0.0,0.0,0.09734122099650963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639839709607328,0.0,0.0,0.3243885048244438,0.11247142647714414,0.0,0.15508957086383346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763344789033185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378544522059864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572270847829534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586731121364688,0.0,0.09342105364555904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969019049978372,0.1206303029139803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453080398429934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801507297363147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032324703243785,0.08601304309451327,0.0,0.11697430356720499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616441023767766,0.0,0.1486110356629255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939083530399207
suicidewatch,kaasbaas1251,2018/01/25,"year later and still can´t get rid of guilt from 17-21 i dated a older woman (she was 26-30) and the last two years i was doubting the relationship and should have broken up but i stayed because of selfish reasons.

first when i broke up i didn´t fell guilty but then i realized it is difficult to find a partner after 30 in our country and i wasted 2 precious years of her i started to have mentall issues.

so it is almost a year since i start too feel guilty and i can´t stop thinking about it i am suicidical i am in bed the whole day and i can´t think straight i am littery crippled

i tried working and studying but i had to stop because the guilt maked me sick.

i want to end my life because i can´t stop feeling guilty and thinking about what i have done i spended the laster years littery 24/7 ruminating",1.439412334517279,3.945121601226997,2.596280271230224,91.72859541491766,84.52147239263803,4.658572812399097,24.529867613819825,6.05967700443912,0.6539398773006133,643,26,128,5,19,205,97,163,0.269,0.6709999999999999,0.06,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,3,8,0,13,2,0,2,0,27,23,14,1,2,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,4,8,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,6,0,2,4,2,25,1,15,18,1,28,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,21,84,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493989793296411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728468357745796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621955175625152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268006057014305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321440238485939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087670480989793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636311345731708,0.12690666712668472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794913650893928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572262948973553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161525257777735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538206666124704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958997957800024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035521808844984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533990929294119,0.0,0.1601814587684541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341708148618814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120443480887893,0.1590238689455369,0.11914870581535372,0.3742054547729179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319701319099736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867977317130828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012947899753964,0.0,0.1457435315964421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800010024048684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657282723060354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861700047773047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803890307573132
suicidewatch,qaspey,2018/01/25,"i don't want to kill myself hey guys, i'm 17 and am about to finish school in germany... about a year ago i posted about wanting to kill myself, and i meant it back then. some nice people told me that better times will come and for quite some time they didn't, but i sort of got used to it. i wouldn't say that i don't have friends, but there aren't many and i only have one friend outside of school. i'm younger than the my classmates, so often times i can't hang out, because they're eighteen and go to bars or what not.  i used to go out running three times a week but i stopped during the winter. well actually i stopped because i felt no joy in it and told myself that it was because of the winter. i find very little joy in anything. i play computer games for too long and too frequently and bond with people over the internet which are even more addicted to playing. im doing well in school, but i don't put in any effort. as i said, i got used to being sad and not having fun, and i always told myself that that would change after school. but now i don't know anymore. what am i supposed to do if i finish school and notice that normal life is just as bad as school life? i don't want to kill myself because i don't want to put my family in that tremendous pain, but i don't know what to do.",3.506666666666668,3.8290444492753655,4.4559420289855085,90.42601449275364,71.89855072463769,7.0028985507246375,24.02898550724637,6.42735559955562,0.5122115942028991,1012,24,230,6,18,329,135,276,0.111,0.7490000000000001,0.139,0.8714,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,1,3,14,17,3,0,6,0,25,5,0,3,0,47,47,24,3,8,11,0,1,0,2,3,4,2,0,1,15,15,1,2,5,4,0,7,14,6,2,2,10,3,33,11,35,33,3,37,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,6,19,153,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.08585847916217572,0.09591419186761707,0.0,0.0,0.07799140550058425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732087019718358,0.0,0.0,0.05983129181412674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725525326732629,0.0,0.0,0.07240231239042826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765330927793835,0.07346192704889573,0.21453388815173802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781359871947133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930740908038184,0.07578935462577263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058111781210279725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294231303035925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844772442542995,0.0,0.0804146459517061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595051960787205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000525672776693,0.0,0.14073569629397278,0.0,0.0,0.08711676205473842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503647547187173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920196546561958,0.0,0.09670604459352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428964645011267,0.0,0.0881818364089377,0.0,0.07786197128497774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892007061535142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620442134733743,0.0,0.10016895198498382,0.0,0.0,0.059619393151691825,0.06691485134982958,0.09361985668864456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199233127666788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426316052116717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768939435617235,0.0,0.09358049207617193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369174975119259,0.0699674197319839,0.0,0.5342594835270226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471150489103507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052138125702929,0.0,0.0,0.25221388418180324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22796655947403854,0.0,0.0725949888208774,0.20757803852193224,0.0,0.07057446062357246,0.0,0.15821412968630094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250042622087122,0.0,0.0,0.056658010877001924
suicidewatch,M1ndSpawn,2018/01/25,"My sister told me she was worried I was going to kill myself. I have been seriously considering killing myself especially over this week, I honestly didn't think anyone noticed or cared. We were talking tonight and she said she had been worried about it. On one hand I feel really bad because I put someone in the position to make them think about that, on the other hand it feels a bit nice that someone noticed. Now I feel like an attention whore. Though posting here doesn't help that. ",6.254166666666666,7.258957532608694,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,66.06521739130434,9.1768115942029,33.811594202898554,9.2995712137729,3.069602898550725,391,17,70,7,6,124,68,92,0.228,0.616,0.156,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,4,0,9,3,2,1,0,10,19,3,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,9,6,15,4,8,10,1,10,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,4,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054299558628792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394310552968345,0.10509074340428402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821131963234727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576877995143764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26150515037609817,0.12315943440073047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797637906440156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155531210816728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814603260538016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422377071131983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507538608345402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925470132787393,0.0,0.0,0.1168197043665582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510730788602895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330517050498329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044102083917004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639876715782514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921404252913201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856503427805833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092824897035748,0.16937777875256732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473136133346408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828533284292718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501521527248035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,caring3in1,2018/01/25,"Friends and Family How do i go with out leaving friends and family thinking the could do more?
I got it good, but life keeps on fucking me up, and i cant appreciate anything good, i never have. I feel like the worst person ever for not feeling better. ",2.127400000000001,4.40708094,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,79.6,6.4,26.0,7.554174236665415,1.548000000000001,197,8,38,3,5,66,39,50,0.259,0.5710000000000001,0.17,-0.7535,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,2,15,12,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,6,6,5,10,2,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664795291698769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005978598000321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181091898847913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516554124839076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276386326954709,0.0,0.2293671562878781,0.16203540846838888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504706596382787,0.20968516549294736,0.0,0.0,0.12890317886893324,0.3804803328488743,0.1814032504512218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016020098572473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401624489295749,0.0,0.0,0.1602048837445457,0.11080948168007901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749323365394207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804455362032972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453327519662004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrincessLittleJess,2018/01/25,"I'm killing myself soon either tonight or sometime this week, I'm killing myself, so I'm sorry i don't want to hurt anyone but I've fucking had enough. my stupid life should already be over.",1.9226923076923088,4.23171094871795,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,80.53846153846153,3.9,25.134615384615394,3.1291,0.15135384615384595,153,6,31,0,4,47,31,39,0.3,0.654,0.046,-0.8595,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,9,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,6,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015437801133579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910663082307544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28234554746141505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526199219852829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925252190192828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046325286766848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193008146942897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702562651915237,0.3058866948160328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611729283389683,0.0,0.21918874589312698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dblxross,2018/01/25,"I geniunely cannot bring myse!f to take one more breath. I've tried. So much, for so long. There is no way of feeling better. There is no such thing as truly dependable people. I do not have a place in this world and I'm just...done. This is just to let people know what happened if anyone ever digs around. I wish everyone the best but I just....cant. Tonight, I'll be stepping out. 

0/",-0.4907383966244687,1.7357597468354449,1.3167405063291149,97.34785337552744,97.10126582278481,4.152320675105485,15.444092827004221,5.985473137389443,-0.6221147679324894,296,7,66,3,12,96,62,79,0.043,0.823,0.134,0.69,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,1,1,12,15,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,8,13,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,3,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776119542938296,0.0,0.0,0.22612562580069856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665712101762492,0.22465405695583987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297695061898377,0.0,0.2427205237236344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843671972338694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246230575848374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139599026440169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597457343454964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479371240508286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672894884873603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212593640681045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522015764571804,0.0,0.2653897580668784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098633423206987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687551009421434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245830714425628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162387610675625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921026749073158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,everloong,2018/01/25,"I cant do this anymore. First of all im really sorry if my english sucks, its not my first language, but i found this forum and i feel like this is the only way i can share what i struggling with without anyone judging me. 

Im a female, im 18 years old, and i've been struggling with social anxiety and ocd half of my life. Everything started when i was 12, i was a happy kid until some people started laughting at me because i was the shy one and i didnt have friends. I suffered bullying for 4 years.

Then high school came, and i went to a new school, i was happy because this was the last two years of school, and then i was going to college finally. But the last year, my anxiety got really worse to the point that i couldnt even enter to school like any normal person, i'd go up in the morning, i'd put my clothes on, i'd prepare anything that i needed to go to school with the intention of taking my classes but then i'd leave my house and the anxiety would come, so i had to go back to my house again because i felt like throwing up and crying like crezy. You might thing that is okay to feel like that, the main problem were my parents.

They were judgamental all the time, everytime i'd return to my house because i was unable to go anywhere, they'd shout at me telling me things like ""You can do whatever the fuck you want, you are an adult"" ""Its your future"" I had to leave school and get therapy, and i did, i started taking meds and i felt like i was recovering the old me again.

So this year i decided that i wanted to come back again and try to study again. The first period of school (before christmas holidays to understand it better) was going alright, sometimes i'd feel some anxiety, but i was able to go back to school again, my grades were really good and i was happy. My therapist got my meds taken in november.

Everything was going alright since January, i started to feeling really anxious again to the point the i wasnt able to sleep for three days, so i couldn't go to school anymore. My parents were so mad at me that they started yellin at me again ""You are a disaster"" ""You dont have anything"" ""You are doing this because you dont want to go to school"" ""Do something with your life"" ""You are arrogant"" Its been like this for three weeks. Luckily i had the audacity to go back and do my exams, with good results again. But its been like this for three weeks, and i feel like shit.

When i have an anxiety attack, they dont believe me, they just yell at me, they leave me alone and they dont talk to me for days. I dont have any reason to fight anymore, I dont have any support, this isnt gettin better, my new therapist isnt working because she says that i dont have anything, i cant change to another one because my parents dont want to and they think she's alright. I cant do this anymore, i feel useless and powerless because there's nothing i cant do. Im ready to kill myself. No one believes me, and thats why i dont have any support, even when i had taken antidepressants because of anxiety.

Thank you for listening, and as i said before, sorry for my bad english. Hope you're alright and take care. 

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suicidewatch,Ppleaee,2018/01/25,"I'm in trouble right now, honestly. Hey yall Im really sorry, I do want help but I cant say I deserve it I just wanna die. God damn it. God damn it ",-4.657499999999999,-4.246214527777774,0.5872222222222234,98.86750000000002,124.83333333333334,4.022222222222221,12.833333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.6917666666666662,111,3,30,2,8,44,27,36,0.354,0.409,0.237,-0.8,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213767119766153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721415158018389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385630035743973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260101904098557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34673232335146204,0.0,0.3228773120809956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544975783736752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394765999008581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hxtp03,2018/01/25,"at wit’s end, basically I want to die, but don’t have the strength to do it yet.
my entire family believes that it would be wrong, that it isn’t up to us to choose when “our time comes,” and other religious nonsense they choose to spew when they feel like it. my mom thinks my depression and anxiety will magically go away the minute I get myself a boyfriend, but that’s definitely not the case. I’m staying alive to support my younger brother mostly, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. I’ve had several family members accuse me of faking mental illness and wanting attention, and saying that I wasn’t “crazy” but instead I just wanted to be seen as crazy. no one wants to be suffocated and weighed down every day of their life with such shit feelings. I just want them to understand that.
and they might if I do kill myself someday. 
waking up is unfortunate and going to sleep is borderline impossible lately. ",6.01999492127984,6.4916571955307285,6.5775926866429675,76.88801422041645,66.43016759776536,9.86104621635348,31.91518537328593,9.800150414767053,2.9568614525139667,734,28,139,15,11,240,117,179,0.24,0.6629999999999999,0.097,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,2,0,5,1,8,8,2,0,4,0,17,6,3,1,0,34,34,16,2,7,8,2,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,9,1,0,8,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,3,4,22,3,19,25,2,17,0,1,1,0,10,5,1,3,8,98,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807553713866956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450147070241689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389695741726785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295684188401896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995414715894924,0.0,0.13293941306004106,0.0,0.16018850232938225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367062136078948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004456018706115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910104737934324,0.0,0.156085628660964,0.11026599887030646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806402816850154,0.0,0.175438663806789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076281685760053,0.0,0.08482543718533128,0.0,0.17411088295850174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902031658987614,0.07540647008729896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555461379366794,0.1637384754949472,0.0,0.1807701134911221,0.0,0.0,0.11346328928762275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458996870511808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274345398865225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743689220522755,0.15843565456109648,0.0,0.0,0.15445912765058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451406854184247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515189503053682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889974799705532,0.0,0.0,0.09000136155350917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068135702358194,0.185661230192837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551912432595474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964414894102226,0.16875493588935278,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coffebeansanddreams,2018/01/25,I wish I could combust into dust. I'm tired of fucking everything up all the time. I'm tired of being a burden. I'm tired of fighting all the shit. I just want to disappear. ,-0.5448648648648664,1.6544253243243254,2.2851891891891896,91.85913513513515,93.05405405405406,5.122162162162162,20.913513513513514,6.742157984588678,0.5979556756756761,135,5,29,2,5,47,24,37,0.414,0.444,0.142,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,6,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222020345029572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637161020541032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257055908068732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471275961411361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038393183505946,0.8301240941865622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200126612011846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27685194146404496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CeeBur7,2018/01/25,"The feeling of not feeling There’s always this feeling that hits me once or twice a day. But it’s not a feeling, it’s blank nothingness. Almost as if a black hole formed in my mind and I don’t feel happy, sad, angry, or anything. I’m just sitting there staring blankly. Every time I am driving or walking outside I think “wow what if something just fell from the sky and landed only on me” or “ what if that semi lost control and hit me head on?”.  Those thoughts spark a happy feeling, almost calming. Like holy shit, it could all be over and it wouldn’t be intentional. I walk through life everyday, I see people’s ridiculous decisions and thought process and they still have a smile on their face and act as if they’re the happiest people around. Most days when that feeling of nothing hits I can’t help but wonder if dumbing myself down or seeing life through a second set of eyes would make me feel better. I feel like when you are even mildly intelligent you see things for what they are and not the fairytale land that everyone else believes it to be. You see that the good in people and the world itself is fluttering and inconsistent, yet the bad and depressing is always going to be there chugging at you like an amtrack train.",6.458099222952782,6.625102953974898,6.175806933652122,81.19118200836823,65.48535564853556,8.502211595935448,32.97101016138673,7.957251820313856,2.319970472205619,982,38,185,10,14,306,141,239,0.085,0.7490000000000001,0.166,0.9381,0,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,4,3,3,11,16,3,0,14,0,15,6,4,3,1,54,39,27,0,8,17,0,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,17,12,0,1,14,0,0,6,7,7,0,2,3,16,20,9,20,26,3,29,0,3,7,0,8,13,2,14,11,128,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268574561424887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885080445462564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321581971633316,0.10083892403660497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458004201409427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762233539144402,0.0,0.1001826896163092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704774396506252,0.09044101224406796,0.0,0.0,0.14610623740896606,0.0,0.09756374471567124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946268759570174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481718665947695,0.0,0.09543922287382076,0.1082392867558708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154780012240257,0.08092380970376575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437689401100907,0.09500984489292813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24116706637193855,0.0,0.0,0.11625301238420804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592596398797713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001921614912612,0.1660215904710915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123653237671778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561206082438435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437563852529133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869058821468897,0.0,0.0,0.12063436752965415,0.0,0.08615087714512777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23559223698008064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610626039026292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627534227549055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720476604879199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046170337047983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525499484827444,0.07258216012786979,0.0,0.1798556765372282,0.06605166715083649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228420984044156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804674363352092,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImmortalXEagle,2018/01/25,Scared I just got out of a 60 day mental health program. Everything seemed to be going well I’ve been out for about 10 days. It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep. I keep hearing noises that that send chills up my back and give me goosebumps. I’ve never had the problem of hearing or seeing things. Please just talk to me I’m scared,-0.6417391304347859,1.5558533043478278,0.9531739130434786,100.51845652173914,95.66666666666669,3.3397101449275364,15.595652173913045,4.935628992294339,-1.0617547826086953,254,6,58,1,10,81,54,69,0.087,0.813,0.1,-0.0366,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,5,3,2,0,1,11,14,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,3,3,6,1,9,10,0,9,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,4,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568019929932958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630232283561277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183270264304014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561877042609366,0.11589250941367935,0.0,0.1630935566916189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167575628166194,0.4596656147144829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125358141054096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550352885656786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727577579576502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384306704787185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512402472057608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408319249250145,0.0,0.16249794225299696,0.18564122795739407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406739901973373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390327641033814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547547350433806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334868699912746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JokerRoflius,2018/01/25,"End of a two year relationship Just came to the end of the best relationship of two years with the woman I love. The main problem was that she's in a bad place due to the pressure of finishing school and going to university, and her not knowing what to do with her life. 

Schools not been the best recently for me either and I've been in a bad place, and it's starting to feel like this might be the tipping point it terms of me wanting to live any more.

I just wanted to reach out to anyone that might have been through anything similar and/or has any advice as to coping through times like this. 

Any and all opinions are a help, I just don't know what to do right now.
",6.542502606882174,5.3913873795620475,6.426798748696559,83.84445255474455,65.71532846715328,9.580396246089675,31.98018769551616,8.418075326091056,2.08544504692388,529,17,116,6,7,167,81,137,0.08,0.775,0.14400000000000002,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,11,0,13,2,0,0,1,25,22,6,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,5,1,8,5,24,14,7,20,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,3,13,83,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348460399604573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28152174778226075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964885419395896,0.0,0.11355722014132867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23043828149888004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28963216462814123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157828257220049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444432695863054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977386103815801,0.09858286824243144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842511225529898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249440098540038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167567488294986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974691710612357,0.13483369635977402,0.0,0.12185114002369862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454488050910067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927794373843341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28834850563280073,0.0,0.13044883709854965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204152382095774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625232648244393,0.2963076071705496,0.0,0.11784603483292913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793143836636689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976727911944075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046535159133568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695999739292668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278475257688407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772709189824387
suicidewatch,Muni-ledd,2018/01/25,Begin again You ever just want to begin again just move to a place where no one knows you just leave everyone and everything behind that's why we look at suicide as a fresh start a blank page a vehicle to take us to somewhere else better than here...? ,22.31580000000001,7.009257380000001,18.778,49.48900000000002,55.2,22.4,60.0,13.023866798666859,7.327000000000001,199,5,40,3,1,63,39,50,0.14800000000000002,0.73,0.122,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,2,2,0,1,8,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,8,7,1,10,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,6,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389479258087718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256966330440016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438885129485874,0.0,0.25816389198963713,0.2428159643818765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484811726296099,0.0,0.0,0.2860764271666862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268790437946723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871533805886176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307764408805954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822754820467705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123133068957152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955277148921496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313805608925428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249873868690832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935627758036566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437910102163625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l0rdlumpy,2018/01/25,"How do I get past this Me and my ex have been done since Halloween, everything was fine, just been doing my thing and she got a boyfriend really fast, and I found out they were an item while we were together. Okay makes me sad but it’s the past can’t change it, now she actively messages people I’m friends with bashing me, inciting things I’ve never done to her and thus making me lose friends. I had a girl I was serious about for a while and she messaged her and sent her screenshots of our arguments, and broke us up. Today I “stalked” her twitter and she talks about how much better it is that she has someone who treats her right, but I did anything she wanted me to.... Just need help",3.2199084368868536,4.74264428057554,3.600052321778944,91.75873119686071,73.82014388489209,7.068933943754089,25.586003924133426,7.686295010490155,1.1393827338129494,541,18,117,7,11,168,95,139,0.095,0.7609999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.802,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,1,2,7,10,0,0,5,1,16,0,0,5,1,24,25,14,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,13,0,28,6,9,12,2,12,0,3,0,0,25,3,0,0,8,86,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276339028147518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641807942029237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963792755939224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37994209758586217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683851823543155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035413309377956,0.286845289882928,0.0,0.09698764304788536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847082496175615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442853267276766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768025986393696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24782820754786875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646451587869113,0.13764744417759345,0.14317465786247946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35442294278859265,0.12869728534131974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892378190449428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853293863571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356080107213854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728958297761894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920794638497314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466578781074217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759621200203485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329839064934945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094934811667051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theshatteredtwo,2018/01/25,"the war within how easy is it to forgive? when you stumble down a beaten road. ive hated myself for years, for not being my true self. is it even a memory? or just a idolized figment of my imaginination? an endless cycle of hate as i stare into the shattered remains of a mirror. i do not speak, i recite what ive heard. conveying emotion the best i can. just a broken machine. was i ever gonna turn out alright? or doomed from the very start? the future is blinding me with its darkness, i cannot behold it or else be crushed by it. and as i seek the light, i drag those around me down. nothing but a demon drowning others in its dark waters, but it wasnt i who poisoned the waters. justified? never. but what am i to do while my mind twists and turns. i wish i was stronger, strongest there ever was. but im the weakest creature, a parasite. cant even live on my own and cant even die on my own. mabey its a deserving hell? my hedonistic life style makes me doubt myself. am i just lazy? why does everything scare me? my only comfort is temporary escape. to forget my problems. is it wrong? what else would i do? what else could i do? or can i do something and just refuse to accept it? why cant it all be simple. everyone thinks im fine. mabey they are right. but what if they are wrong? will it be more daggers in my back? i wish there was help. but really im alone. no remedies to implement. no one knows me better and no one hates me more the myself.",-0.0024331103678925103,2.324886545150502,2.1640459866220745,92.86125292642143,91.57525083612042,4.595351170568562,19.180685618729093,6.2581,0.07769625418060233,1123,35,237,12,40,376,163,299,0.224,0.629,0.147,-0.9777,0,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,2,3,15,21,7,2,18,1,34,5,0,2,5,46,47,21,3,6,17,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,20,9,2,1,4,0,0,0,11,13,0,2,6,5,40,8,25,33,6,21,3,1,2,0,10,12,1,6,9,180,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935657124604775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259034082967487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861444069862566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093999169940968,0.10192270862826557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201183332471537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196036173211604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084956994797124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28881119712921,0.12963240616281724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283499378630884,0.20848704669197848,0.0,0.11011923645094417,0.10357261191625204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413346062217784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724468103726151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734453292732648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633343153889615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139925173178678,0.0,0.0,0.10176132117059676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769253258592074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636216719906585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888219238501673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057837632098362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618272735851133,0.08764718518699965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102715978757868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382735618297626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841654494970417,0.0,0.0,0.11537794006333628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022315822204485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871937851766508,0.0,0.0,0.08156930064363499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384280045440775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25070169739665177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950872086013805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797703111562785,0.0,0.2650465896546668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186503176414903,0.2519993692389363,0.0,0.07421245166789532
suicidewatch,GlZMO,2018/01/25,"anyone have actual advice on what to do? I feel more like I'm GOING to do it than I ever have before and fear that I may not be here next week It's not even that I fully want to, I just feel trapped and I don't know what to do. On paper I'm doing better than  I have for like the past 3 or 4 years so it's not like this is in response to my position in life, but I feel so awful and like I just can't handle living. I want to do something to stop myself but I don't even know where to start, I live on my own (with a roommate) and I don't want my family to know what's going on, I'm pretty sure as far as they know I'm also doing really we but I just can't maintain the guise if happiness anymore. When I got home from class today I almost just brought my dinner straight up to the roof and jumped after eating but I was able to hold back but I really am not sure I can keep doing that for the next few days. I'm scared and feel like I don't have any options even though I know there are some but I don't even know what they are. I've been severely depressed since middle school and now I'm 20 but I've never been able to actually do anything about it, I really want a therapist but I have such terrible anxiety and trust issues that I can't bring myself to actually get one. Please I really need help and advice I don't know how to handle this. ",1.1058862876254203,2.393314397993312,3.5185471571906355,91.13840936454851,78.93311036789298,6.656909698996657,18.314515050167227,7.404127859558343,0.14267186622073602,1051,19,248,14,25,366,139,299,0.102,0.73,0.168,0.9423,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,1,22,14,0,2,6,1,32,3,0,1,4,57,62,27,0,6,18,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,14,11,2,3,11,0,0,5,14,4,0,1,5,4,36,10,31,55,4,31,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,6,20,169,50,3,0.19272755028578145,0.0,0.2821114316933429,0.0,0.0,0.18833113159442127,0.0,0.0,0.09649440108712527,0.0,0.0,0.07706207616649667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553067155181816,0.0,0.07371802422506002,0.0,0.09556697122293817,0.06737979214928168,0.0,0.07929917621683456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409779490402695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199847511919313,0.0,0.0,0.0852259281947626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214666299095024,0.0,0.08299797832734884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860419921401484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25458945861388393,0.0871665515469879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908431910483544,0.10843603775996176,0.19489768047888675,0.13768460043294764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034609524401451,0.0,0.10953150823554883,0.0,0.07707091398015947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258103051672487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459060721707803,0.0,0.09666072349028974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100578745154406,0.0,0.08565255099501727,0.0,0.0,0.3707130748166769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806458419882283,0.2353923650626047,0.0,0.17018195783474915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145251824749223,0.07432168402849693,0.0,0.204967936175316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529858795092533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919901271623254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577848760832216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803660272283242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693240756808446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647694971452657,0.09752528506102733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886363705338199,0.0,0.07971311059397497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418554201309355,0.0,0.0,0.06820677602776674,0.0,0.0,0.08056443090367665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164343530747906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188577017821638,0.0,0.0,0.09467691981228002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134159131498076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273514051143997,0.0,0.07729720784631451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062055111781549675
suicidewatch,herestothefools,2018/01/25,I hate myself and how lazy I am I hate myself more and more each day. I feel drained and weighed down full of fatness every day from the moment I barely wake up until I fall asleep. It is all that I feel. I don’t think I can control it. ,0.254999999999999,1.933743730769233,2.0813846153846143,98.66361538461538,82.84615384615384,4.16,18.092307692307692,3.1291,-0.9053507692307692,182,4,44,0,5,60,36,52,0.246,0.754,0.0,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,4,4,3,2,1,10,9,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,11,0,5,9,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746176158102035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308141853207405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814155766323669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33776827827682576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.659526166676598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140184070087405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Absurd_Absurdity,2018/01/25,"Someone I know wants to kill herself. What should I do? I've asked her why before and she just said because she's depressed, wants to die, and has nothing to live for. As far as I know her she just started talking to me one day and has started sharing details about family issues and depression. Nonetheless I'd still call her a friend and want to help.",3.2433333333333323,5.182547428571431,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,74.71428571428572,6.3809523809523805,28.809523809523807,7.1686216300943375,1.5590952380952374,280,12,55,3,6,88,48,70,0.194,0.682,0.124,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,13,7,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,11,2,9,11,0,5,0,2,0,0,14,1,0,0,4,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910496390745534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457636716003595,0.0,0.1738958776466165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086750921840909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179572532185074,0.0,0.3520310899233025,0.0,0.2120941102798657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926530513233316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788854611434708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697864885188107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329944411523485,0.0,0.0,0.22609480195916196,0.0,0.2246225586394475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045421499775074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608957377112585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848007837103146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943937945672468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731541318695103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28929506704981306,0.0,0.16320269443651916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425736488854906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616116525559576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440371771813008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NOVA612321X,2018/01/25,"I want to end my life, please help me realize why I shouldnt Girlfriend and I broke up. I can't stand life without her. I'm selfish and can't see why I shouldn't just cut my arms deep and take every pill I have. I know that suicide is selfish, I know everyone around me would be effected. I just don't want to live in a world without her.",1.5399099099099125,2.776993081081084,3.092972972972973,94.8545045045045,77.64864864864866,6.5549549549549555,24.495495495495497,7.1686216300943375,0.7209171171171174,264,9,64,3,6,87,47,74,0.064,0.696,0.24,0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,9,4,1,1,0,17,16,3,1,5,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,1,15,0,7,12,0,7,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985400558416417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753447182586947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879086753441843,0.21311050511575425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948934921728638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24513805904774505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31505913429273114,0.0,0.0,0.19693567858666744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448151202637388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772251693982388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24395379272829784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768748490649155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630925382073281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40249180417511293,0.0,0.0,0.4299774127197708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158430977482731,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontknowanymoreman9,2018/01/25,"Got disconnected from Suicide Hotline chat after waiting an hour, we were just starting to get into some stuff and I broke down when I saw what had happened I’ve just been dealing with a lot of shit and while I don’t think I’m truly suicidal I do have thoughts of just wanting to be dead, to the point I did write a suicide note yesterday. Just in case. Anyway I was feeling desperate this evening and as someone who hates speaking on the phone I waited for a looooong time for an available chat representative. I had provided my cell # where they asked for another way to reach you in case of an accidental disconnect and nobody has reached out. Guess I’m feeling abandoned even by the people that are supposed to be there. I know they handle A LOT of traffic especially at night like this and I’m obviously not high risk but I’m still really upset. My life isn’t going anywhere and I think I lost someone I love and I feel so pathetic and worthless.",3.3363946869070205,5.583404075268817,4.346951296647692,83.38454459203041,75.45161290322581,7.1721695129664775,29.758380771663504,8.124751697461798,2.2157625553447198,762,35,144,13,17,247,125,186,0.202,0.7170000000000001,0.081,-0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,1,1,2,1,12,10,2,2,10,0,14,3,1,0,1,35,39,13,4,1,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,12,0,3,7,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,10,5,19,2,24,27,3,21,0,4,1,1,14,10,1,4,10,99,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045001382706522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304876596745306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775218336002686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021304889874225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321075880686332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799442436123318,0.0,0.08696219175656789,0.0,0.12238041287596067,0.0,0.16856374075509112,0.0,0.13531103418841772,0.0,0.0,0.15107105241540314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166919668898974,0.0,0.0,0.1506893701262791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409327538505829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807931924392224,0.0747556071065315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703441088497886,0.2601764833690726,0.13810239436921493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359460996661208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608162863069563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464903472827187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802559886086434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706813394558305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25929894456836183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830510474243377,0.0,0.12219831534252246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751660519724197,0.50212211566384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609221053958686,0.0,0.12147715474486068,0.08922452430882671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025246162577193,0.12145652136703973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ziamal,2018/01/25,Nobody cares about anyone but themselves The people around me act like they care but they will never understand me. Most people are selfish and cruel. ,4.101923076923079,7.463524961538464,3.2834615384615375,83.09903846153847,87.84615384615385,4.138461538461539,18.03846153846154,5.985473137389443,0.3144923076923076,123,3,17,1,4,36,22,26,0.242,0.521,0.237,-0.295,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295405459178382,0.0,0.0,0.2922382099711425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6694053272715391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038070245646308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318926314936896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551751173198653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417503681217985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway57483boi958,2018/01/25,"I pushed away my best friend because I thought it would hurt them less if I died while they were angry with me. I tried to kill myself last Tuesday. I lost my nerve. I’m so much of a coward that I can’t even follow through on it. 

I’m wondering if I did the right thing. I pushed them away, and it worked. Now, when I die, maybe they won’t feel anything. That would be my goal. But I can’t do it. I tried so hard and I couldn’t do it. Now I’m alone on my own accord, and it feels right. No one should have to deal with me. But I can’t finalize it, and I don’t know how to. ",-1.09921978021978,0.5973003307692295,0.9206593406593412,105.00076923076924,88.0,4.32967032967033,14.670329670329672,5.288315135182226,-1.3448131868131863,433,7,120,2,14,142,74,130,0.23,0.7140000000000001,0.056,-0.9676,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,4,4,9,5,1,0,2,0,15,0,0,1,0,20,25,13,3,6,4,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,4,3,25,2,11,15,4,16,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,3,7,85,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229861844555845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484547610207754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307440666581623,0.0,0.0,0.10729720551534633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471704717598225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146389725859335,0.0,0.0,0.36535188588472095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625635064185473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779971032924925,0.0,0.0,0.19281600008120026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598887306761184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767500706901666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884278651607286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473469153743406,0.0,0.09673332666202296,0.1434758447455772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214133541534215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768308824634338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939139238182704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927242515966092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063196335510284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693664863999215,0.0,0.0,0.13973637295135755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23900547426403146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908809286118218,0.12814113005526725,0.0,0.0,0.2500722337078747,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ajernejcic,2018/01/25,"Does therapy help ? i'm 16 and have been extremely suicidal for about 4 years now. I had a plan set up for a while when i was about 14 and would've went through with it but some family came home early and i felt like a real piece of shit for almost doing it. Since then i've come to the realization that my abusive parents probably wouldn't care, and i don't mean to be negative, but they really don't. i've been dating this girl for already a year now and i can honestly say that i'm in love, and i promised her if i ever became a threat to myself that i would finally tell my parents about my deep seeded issues and pursue therapy. i texted my dad a little bit ago , a short text basically seeing i need help but don't wanna go into it. i already regret but i did it for her. i just wanted to know, has it helped anyone else? i'm really hoping it does for me cause i would love to be happy with myself .",2.3135937500000026,3.5390160885416684,4.52075,85.44925000000002,75.61458333333334,7.828333333333332,21.65416666666667,8.447377352677275,1.1179204166666667,707,17,153,13,15,246,113,192,0.14400000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.175,0.7691,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,8,11,2,0,8,0,17,3,1,1,1,34,34,15,1,9,6,3,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,10,12,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,8,3,24,8,22,21,3,23,0,1,1,2,14,6,1,4,13,103,34,0,0.0,0.1477740649912369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055769701794048,0.0,0.1248901285689576,0.0,0.2752655885802701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872078670852148,0.1277914677890681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616309820906508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264766988140964,0.12716143584438175,0.12812288759092846,0.0,0.10743615212625762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182884852393436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418844419138573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281734180397415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757591820689706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975177925351575,0.13662582808388798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088185424115087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276789063028116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507936983536824,0.0,0.1251053952173961,0.12387615706507435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017638611277074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854343442941659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093241142618407,0.12500327041948098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251312573959662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358578007249383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247908780166246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769759612040403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447040041981032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195987448988784,0.1597990131115236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918319515087848,0.0,0.0,0.09938653943672687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802437877170372,0.10317055205850034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642459975929538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901170627344832,0.0,0.2852588099372856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356371430668167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561767483036177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657947939751179,0.0,0.0,0.16063255072719085
suicidewatch,Throwawayaccount__10,2018/01/25,"No matter how hard I try I keep getting a no and I feel worthless, I seriously need help. Sorry for the long post ahead I wanted to give detail to the situation

I have been trying to have a relationship with this girl that I have become in love with. A little bit of background of me (actually alot). I never before had a real relationship. When I was in elementary school I lied about having a girlfriend so that I was seem cool but the crush I had got a boyfriend so I got kinda sad. I had a few friends including this girl which I will talk about later. In middle school I got attached to another girl. She liked me and asked me out but me being stupid said no and regretted that decision by the next day. Within two months she dated my best friend from the previous year before. I believed that if I waited they would break up. It didn't. They stayed together all through high school and I got depression for about two years trying to not talk to anyone because I was scared of loss. Eventually in My Junior year I started to like this other girl but she didn't seem to like me as much as I thought. I asked her out once and it was nice. I asked to be in a relationship and she said no so I tried my best being nice and showing her that I am worth it. Eventually I walked out on her in 2 months because I was ready to give up and I was tired. It became normal to be evasive towards other people and led me to avoid people for years which now I really regret. It also made me very paranoid of others and what they are thinking and what they may say about me or that I may come too close to them and hurt myself. After I have left the girl in my junior year I hung out with my friend from elementary about two weeks after. She comforted me and we even did some biting and other physical things. Yet she didn't wanted to kiss me or be in a relationship with me. I eventually let go of her because she was not interested. She got a boyfriend at senior year and then I got sad once again and started hating myself. Along with these relationships that never worked I had three instances where there was crazy women whom tried to use me. From eight a girl tried to rape me with her older sister trying to record it. Another who tried to run away pulling me into it (when I tried to help when I she told me her parents were abusive (they weren't)) by using me willingly to go homeless and work for prostitution. And the third one which tried and I instantly noticed and pushed away from me as quickly as I could before she could do any damage.

Now I am in college. Woo! Now I can get away from all those people and live a different life, a new start for me. I started to try to talk to others so I would be functional in the future and be able to have a new identity. Within two days of the university, before classes even began I saw this girl and I thought she was cute. I tried to talk to her and thought maybe I can have an actual relationship with this wonderful woman. Within about a month I confessed and she said she wasn't sure. So I waited. And waited.... But I saw her happily talking one to one with another man in the cafe. Instantly I thought she didn't like me so my evasive tendencies came and I avoided her for about a month. Afterwards i was feeling horrible continuously thinking about her. I over exaggerated the situation in my head and hated myself for assuming things. So I gushed out my feelings after that months saying sorry over and over and she didn't want to drag me she said. Over the weekend she told me that for certain she cant imagine us being together.She said she will still talk to me though. Her statement broke me. I cried like a bitch for hours in the shower. The next day I talked to her though because I thought I would just be making the same mistake and that she said that because I ignored her for a month. So I talked to her again and gradually it got better again and we exchanged presents at month 4 at the end of the semester. I put a note in the present telling how I felt like shit about what I did and explained my evasive tendencies (but vaguely said it was others who used me) along with how I really like her and that I was truly willing to change. 

We talked back after the winter break and had good conversation. I brought up about texting and she said she didn't like me texting her every night and day during the break. We then had the conversation about our relations to each other about a week later. I tried many things to be more attractive to her from funny, charming and self made pickup lines like ""its chilly outside isn't it? Good thing you're here because you brighten my day and and warm my heart more than the sun ever could"" and being more considerate and a better listener as well as do things she liked. But recently she just said no. That all my characteristics weren't attractive to her and that the decision doesn't have a meaning just like she likes blue for no reason. I keep asking her and she keeps saying the same thing and basically I confess everyday and try to be the best I can be for her. But she wont give in (and is not interested in anyone else yet) and that even though I will wait she will someday be with someone else. I'm frustrated. Why cant there be anything specific I can do so that I can fix it? What is wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone ever love me? If i put my heart and soul and truly do whatever I can for the person I fall in love with shouldn't I at least be attractive to the other person? Why does everyone reject me? I keep asking myself and I only get more frustrated with myself. Of course with these questions I start to ask really how valuable I am. Would she really care if I die the next day even though we hang out everyday? Do I really matter? Is there fundamentally something that off puts me from ever being loved? Why? I started to develop very dark thoughts in my mind and started sleeping more. I started crying just from seeing two people I knew holding hands who probably had a much easier time being in a relationship. I feel so pathetic and useless and the only thing stopping me from killing myself is that there is my family at least at home who truly care enough about my life and cry if I were to commit suicide. 
I have to fix this. I am in college and this is driving me crazy and limiting my ability to work and eating away at my life. If anyone can please help me with any solution i'll gladly listen.",3.9979589317312048,5.341660368256452,4.975721492942679,83.36848738735031,71.5879593432369,7.981041109419364,25.972931155096497,8.468865429502053,1.6617866770914769,5077,160,1014,83,95,1660,432,1279,0.14300000000000002,0.695,0.162,0.9856,3,2,1,0,0,5,94.0,7,1,6,11,66,74,9,3,55,1,106,17,6,12,11,205,201,103,3,21,21,2,8,12,4,14,4,14,2,13,67,92,1,14,29,2,2,16,27,28,1,11,66,27,211,46,169,99,23,160,3,12,4,6,142,57,2,17,94,778,278,12,0.03270228152331836,0.03874685608848448,0.06382541881187205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026152002719188803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04447734568974632,0.1028735806249568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914647824280906,0.03350735199747568,0.026911191278722702,0.0,0.1834333124447637,0.0,0.12289947993774797,0.0251460359000616,0.0,0.11961004371007025,0.03611710065473276,0.1113089317579938,0.03684427267397262,0.10295708066485627,0.057845020969311024,0.0357024216068069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037402698075473424,0.06668431101167167,0.0,0.03459467768388423,0.02817011987444135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833033236251058,0.0,0.107765762017577,0.12654159714174182,0.0,0.028166427156911582,0.0,0.03393980519680439,0.034166923866050164,0.0,0.0,0.02861798693784217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033462598131887074,0.05463711989524162,0.0,0.028964514878254383,0.033790198684466005,0.0,0.08639819409435695,0.08874325763637564,0.02755308262123246,0.03124843142101737,0.0,0.0,0.03082880059166145,0.0,0.06614102452722888,0.0,0.031399318664957154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579710475019702,0.0,0.051256777077118135,0.09411302490404144,0.03717092042815053,0.05485824438504314,0.1830850136112792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029294820862185007,0.06457346526004272,0.03356197545137253,0.0,0.0,0.0775047221209576,0.06575894991171267,0.034551755909231624,0.03280305474894312,0.0,0.03220515992749805,0.0,0.035008468735386385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626916158799265,0.03618022925944722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035531124560669744,0.03344029850495374,0.0692957656838455,0.19172019475498794,0.03277627728397916,0.02887671371866157,0.02894049006735124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806034342844053,0.061887378970903135,0.021829026854192704,0.033154980638597786,0.03285383727556088,0.03562237158123348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033019981966009984,0.0,0.1827185437976368,0.0,0.04807987938475445,0.02424832738043598,0.050444031084980405,0.06316813455207075,0.10433774219803248,0.030688875896329557,0.03204129254104452,0.0,0.037231764263560486,0.0,0.06965372507064753,0.06647973690569549,0.049743117439454164,0.0,0.0,0.03631201357754833,0.0,0.0,0.090686577628085,0.05710874168072245,0.0,0.03589728480177126,0.0,0.0,0.03131974595378572,0.0,0.03525859056212771,0.0,0.0,0.09862447608509928,0.036634039574833785,0.0,0.0,0.037222355814094894,0.10474959466807017,0.033623391963267774,0.032289557771637785,0.2457700830818256,0.0,0.0,0.27996622628212897,0.07801850052243718,0.032740688763979384,0.09928936437925186,0.026059484395422872,0.0595418577740621,0.03411561173140951,0.0,0.03356842203927323,0.0,0.0735174692081882,0.032725898719934136,0.0,0.027708537011792968,0.02517581400557167,0.0,0.07321505358026491,0.18517474543939205,0.03485628092684715,0.0261160842677812,0.027340571664728263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035770988191439264,0.0,0.030821513320122788,0.0,0.0,0.23656369633232094,0.02858323546278517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520815991365944,0.04190860307977819,0.12851930223243185,0.15577175189532808,0.01906896334102857,0.0375864619111032,0.0,0.06249686284203474,0.0,0.3108378352827446,0.0,0.1597268861046342,0.0,0.039336818146829884,0.08473281425151287,0.0,0.05396561423343823,0.05786595878805411,0.0,0.05246359533358568,0.0,0.0294032784755889,0.0,0.11803489024115495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546422932610506,0.07142295129380677,0.0,0.0,0.09292305007948448,0.03575481115558997,0.0,0.12635518268760626
suicidewatch,thealphabetperson,2018/01/25,Life fucking sucks I fucking hate myself. Whenever a good event happens in my life it doesn't keep going it just gets shitter and shitter. I've considered suicide many times. All I fucking do is lie in bed and listen to music. Occasionaly I will get up and eat or watch TV. My uncle is on drugs and I might as well if it's the only way to keep me happy. All my friends are real cockheads. I don't have a wife/girlfriend and I'm currently unemployed. I fucking hate me and everything about me. ,0.7380538461538464,3.225469990000001,2.8680000000000017,88.20130769230774,89.1,5.476923076923078,24.69230769230769,7.010146845296331,1.2918538461538462,389,17,76,6,13,131,68,100,0.15,0.7390000000000001,0.112,-0.7190000000000001,3,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,7,0,3,0,9,8,0,0,2,15,24,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,3,6,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,0,2,13,4,8,22,2,9,0,0,1,4,2,4,5,3,3,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921958825175145,0.16695852010821813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664217308611774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260608673969177,0.6033736203672813,0.17049394695501646,0.0,0.0927304245965071,0.1368550532472545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428626279347204,0.17369216709600416,0.0,0.3221832971720951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900570821853847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049651719095304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542369124536194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309227083663714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409432824862683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571748126577253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847601754390274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514281846459996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295127752518922,0.0,0.0,0.14670492235138655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadguy10,2018/01/25,"I'm really close to just doing it I've been on the edge for close to a year now. I just sat in my room tonight and listened to my brother (who is a raging violent and terrible alcoholic who cheats on his girlfriend all the time) tell my father that I'll never change and that I'm a burden to him and my family. 


He verbally abuses me constantly, and since my mom died I have no one to stick up for me any more, so my brother constantly tries to alienate me from my family. I dont do anything wrong. I suffer from severe depression (doctor diagnosed) but I still work and pay my bills to help here. I pay more than him and make more money than him and have a career, where as he works part time at a grocery store and drinks his pay cheque away. 


I'm not perfect, I drink sometimes to numb myself, and sometimes I dont do much for a day or two around my house, but thats because Im actively not trying to kill myself everyday. I'm going to stay with a friend for a few days and try to distance myself. I hope to cut my brother out of my life eventually, he's toxic and abusive, and its even driven me to self harm for the first time in my life (I'm 27 years old). I am going to see if there is an improvement in myself when I leave for a few days, and if so I will only be returning to pack my things, and move in with a friend while I find somewhere to live. 


But right now, I just dont feel like I matter or have anyone on my side. I honestly am still sitting here thinking about if I'll make it to the weekend or not, and this is the most uncertain I've ever been that I will. I'm sorry for the long post but I just dont know where to turn, my depression and other things have already isolated me from so many people, I just dont know what to do. ",5.53372513052067,4.099140605898125,6.618594609849019,82.57650769013686,67.8739946380697,9.997403696909837,29.551149992944822,8.99025400887824,2.040107774798928,1358,37,307,20,19,460,184,373,0.16899999999999998,0.745,0.087,-0.969,1,0,3,0,1,2,33.0,0,0,0,5,22,20,5,1,17,0,23,8,0,2,4,56,43,33,2,4,18,5,1,1,3,2,6,1,1,1,14,23,3,0,5,3,7,4,10,14,0,3,4,3,48,6,48,36,9,51,0,3,1,0,22,19,0,9,26,215,62,7,0.0,0.2080943223007405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384820141682612,0.0,0.0,0.09690673074419816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597176393350933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140272990888821,0.0,0.07226478064004438,0.0781745281826505,0.0,0.0,0.08250567455832848,0.0,0.0,0.053531592622139516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289729199448467,0.0,0.0,0.18979499666857466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990144851965222,0.0,0.15127094589211454,0.08913101536167015,0.09113875904304887,0.0,0.0,0.0898830177830866,0.0,0.0,0.5145963183457826,0.17205177015398962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800139502613856,0.07943426435437495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556952006160508,0.0,0.04440222080160221,0.06273550320745241,0.0,0.0,0.08026189437998002,0.07469592952807941,0.0,0.0,0.13569227491498925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981529182814892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886096532940415,0.0,0.0,0.08722073442049988,0.0,0.10132744600409396,0.0,0.0,0.09485594901642537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097154982990577,0.0,0.09652234670948867,0.0,0.0,0.0929840719849224,0.0,0.0,0.1240535521588323,0.04290228079816842,0.0,0.07754280963898984,0.07771406864422481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723522908115168,0.08903126502866977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028486038390912,0.0,0.09333411660586886,0.06455459182303397,0.0,0.06772882707421914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921477309024238,0.0,0.05950614318458081,0.06678774330135741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509576909641623,0.0,0.060880300424227124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410309850689253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625694085721602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499406771231136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699776871236774,0.0,0.09161085336718126,0.09920666552485516,0.0,0.07264199612185003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370380588186732,0.09830240756956304,0.0,0.09359977672552616,0.14025935018939814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767547307478001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166816042883616,0.056268709495691314,0.0,0.0,0.1536179991365157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886314403034648,0.09551818792137147,0.08578310983798705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278616482006712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960126052475354,0.0,0.11310077240210015
suicidewatch,El_P1nGu1n,2018/01/25,"Late night thoughts ... I committed a misdemeanor 5 years ago and like many people with a criminal background I cannot find a job. It really sucks because I went to a really good 4 year University, 2nd best public university in the US to be exact and I really thought that things would turn around. Everyone that I knew found a job, except me. I have a child who depends on me and a girlfriend who has been sitting here waiting to be married for 10 years. I’m just a piece of shit, I messed everything up. I was hoping to one day be able to take care of everyone and now here I am watching paint dry. I have been painting for a week now. I just do not know what to do anymore. Everyone tells me that things will be better because this is a rough patch but I do not think they understand that my misdemeanor is here for life. The funny thing is that I took a $15 item and now I cannot find a way out. I cannot get an expungement because I plead guilty. No one is willing to take a chance on me but I do not blame them. I am the problem not them. I am getting to the point of being scared to apply to jobs and I prefer to stay indoors. I am in serious debt and can barely afford food. At this point I am waiting to be kicked out of my home and have my child taken by the government since I am a piece of shit parent. I sent a pardon request to my governor but who knows when I will hear back from him. If he rejects it I think I may need to find a real way out of things. I cannot handle to sit here and provide a shit life for my child all over a $15 item but that is our law. I just do not know what is expected out of me? Should I sell drugs or keep committing crimes. Why are things this way. It was a stupid choice and mistake. ",2.107695198722165,3.345923713896461,3.7177243258479775,90.94858310626705,76.16621253405995,7.241905477778822,23.554354975101013,7.873277556716777,0.9558494597387952,1341,40,309,20,29,447,180,367,0.135,0.789,0.076,-0.9782,6,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,2,0,3,2,13,17,5,1,25,0,43,7,3,1,4,63,71,17,0,9,15,1,1,1,1,6,3,1,1,3,22,16,1,3,14,0,2,3,10,11,0,2,12,3,46,6,42,47,6,36,0,1,1,0,20,14,4,5,14,220,68,4,0.09304268370151744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247672522710134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227334091698726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282771468881107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715440805843514,0.0,0.17015386918043202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764255626732797,0.08228869270050125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486321700350593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600048337583044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789997399670016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667188146002409,0.0836207646840456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551179818785475,0.0,0.11250758245446822,0.10201650025331054,0.0,0.0,0.09722192407778253,0.0,0.0,0.07803978870860424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048658666678888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933293979893478,0.09241237873096672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769915205564237,0.08270061232699047,0.0,0.0,0.1534014770578876,0.0,0.10495619986935507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143759819487702,0.045455955489074384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943306776466759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689899710251108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731425576962537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260962608794575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033128893912784,0.0,0.0,0.06450408171220792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591082030210467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902928261344699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590294368809366,0.17881657701981246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315195781262567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865209332809468,0.07696586943445903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917112110283093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991303767736818,0.0,0.08132340657741538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090671237199112,0.11923598963405213,0.0,0.1477309957807656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337384507669968,0.0,0.1012037219880456,0.0,0.09686071505975773,0.11191889244944084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155885462545852,0.0746332286171925,0.0,0.0,0.0862514999460662,0.08395655017693637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660948529765488,0.0,0.0,0.17974931333869604
suicidewatch,chriserie,2018/01/25,"I just talked to the suicide hotline for an hour and they were useless. I really don’t know what else to do other than kill myself tonight I can’t even begin to explain the objectively horrible things that I’ve experienced in my life. Abuse, theft, health problems, obesity then anorexia, failure, and now my worst enemy from college took my job and I feel like the universe wants me to kill myself. I know everyone from college has been calling me crazy because I tried to kill myself my senior year after gaining 60 lbs from being anorexic. Two of those people I was roommates with . I got passive aggressive with them and went too far one day and cussed them out. They told me they were gonna tell the whole alumni association I was insane and probably already have, although it’s been 4 years. Now I find that one of them took the job I got let go of (my dream job, might have been let go for depression). I’m going to kill myself. My entire life is ruined. Since I’m already almost 24 and a woman, no one is gonna hire me in a few years cause I’ll be of child bearing age. I have no family that loves me and my friends all don’t give a fuck if I live or die because I went in my room for 8 months straight after being fired and none of them texted me or asked how I was doing. I’m fat again and don’t fit in any of my clothes. I like a guy but I’m too fat to have a chance with him. I will never succeed and I don’t want to be here any more. There is no suicide hotline or person that could help me and the ease of ending it all is so powerful over me. I have a dream of getting a better job but I never will because I’ve lost my will to work on my portfolio and live",3.168632478632478,4.036582923076924,4.475913390313393,87.9792717948718,73.04558404558405,7.211441595441595,25.72091168091168,7.404127859558343,1.0948526723646728,1310,41,286,14,25,434,182,351,0.17,0.726,0.104,-0.9695,5,0,0,0,1,6,26.0,0,0,7,6,11,18,6,0,14,0,36,8,2,2,4,41,65,23,7,5,7,0,2,2,1,6,6,0,1,4,10,17,3,0,5,2,1,7,11,12,0,4,16,3,51,6,36,36,7,37,0,4,0,2,22,11,1,6,21,195,61,10,0.0,0.10735932788254783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073392048275444,0.0,0.1999831877191996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232373002946694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470913997240002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570704306163972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013814796270376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252405646093713,0.0,0.0,0.09308255206317156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234558434066958,0.0,0.0,0.058436658651294236,0.0,0.07804320127323769,0.0,0.09404000846087852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756939408967252,0.0,0.08025453323676549,0.0,0.0,0.05984777208151856,0.0,0.0,0.08658278202192925,0.0,0.0,0.08542007391225538,0.0,0.04581569097174293,0.06473258265058922,0.0,0.0,0.08281689706806614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700059053637876,0.08376849501090812,0.0473405560428634,0.08692241658366225,0.15448911615546235,0.0,0.14493993644864492,0.0,0.0,0.0897192275188698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631535425647636,0.0,0.0,0.06073470536260081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923367398558374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35967011149483274,0.0,0.40099099519820397,0.0,0.09959497360433353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853119625233586,0.12800258876805926,0.08853600579189487,0.0,0.16002250965665446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989127113133039,0.0,0.0817800487548918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612405008478464,0.0,0.0,0.07232490962435299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397697212027318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842012641156001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281832260071576,0.07911811101601325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976940832616604,0.0867025783123946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804778614219275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495443213887933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822765703402814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282976393591603,0.07919808876842603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601979836554692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658278202192925,0.20134451576187729,0.061518983999654664,0.0,0.08851387115282479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688954012299053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799478124753064,0.0,0.10116404896703708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596595457775255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505171847800027
suicidewatch,mostpeculiar13,2018/01/25,"Not such a difference. Things have been so hard for well, forever. I realize I'm leaving the place of ""I don't care if I live or die"" to actually thinking about speeding up the process. 

I've always said my kids are the reason I keep going. If anything happens to me they are stuck with only their worthless father. I could never do that to them. 

It's been so bad though I wonder if maybe they would be better off without me. 

It sucks to know I could provide more financially dead than it looks like I'll ever be able to alive. 

A lifetime of questionable choices leave me with a dark and limited future. I used to think I was the luckiest person alive. Now I think I just used up all my nine lives and I am so worthless. I can't do anything right anymore. 

It took me six months and losing almost everything to find a job to support my family. Now I'm being told daily I'm not good enough. I was always a star employee. It wouldn't be so bad except I lost my last job after only three month because ""I wasn't good enough"". 

I have a boyfriend, who still calls himself single. I'm pretty sure his main attraction to me is that I am a good caretaker. He is older and recovering from a broken ankle. He wants very little involvement in my life and definitely doesn't want to be around my kids. I put out and cook and clean. I do things he can't do for himself anymore. He has helped me pay my rent while I was unemployed. 

It's still better than my past relationships. I've been divorced three times. People say women ""win"" in a divorce. I'm to nice for that apparently. My last ex sold our home for a third of its value and sent me a check for $1200. For a house that should have been sold for $300,000 and I was supposed to get 25%. 

I've been so scared for so long. I'm tired of fighting what appears to be a losing battle. 

I've always been the quintessential Pollyanna. I can't anymore. I just don't have hope that it's ever going to get any easier. 

I've thought for a while that if I was hit by a bus it would be better for everyone but I'm moving past that now. The universe can't even let me die. It wants to see me suffer to at least 100. 

I realized the switch when I saw the castor tree in my complex had frozen. I didn't even think it consciously, but I had been watching it for seeds. Not that it would be a good way to off myself but it would be sure and no one would think I would do that on purpose. 

I've spent the past couple of days thinking about my dads potassium store. He makes huge batches to make his own capsules. A heart attack probably wouldn't even be that bad due to family history and having a chicken chest. Most members of my family have literally just dropped dead. 

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe to find something, anything to hold onto. 

The world is so hateful and life is so meaningless. 

I had plans. Now, nothing. I'm just so tired of fighting. I'm tired of being strong. There was never a pot of gold because the rainbow is only an illusion. ",2.0712970091797445,3.9191170684039114,3.638736748593427,88.85830648504593,77.82736156351791,6.550145099200474,23.37862007699141,7.486611883883027,0.9534003908794784,2336,75,494,32,55,774,281,614,0.16699999999999998,0.762,0.071,-0.9958,7,0,1,0,6,0,67.0,1,0,4,10,32,34,6,1,31,0,70,8,2,5,7,84,122,33,4,19,17,3,1,1,0,9,5,2,3,4,29,16,1,3,18,1,7,7,19,16,1,6,29,7,63,18,64,69,9,54,0,6,4,0,36,17,1,11,29,329,92,4,0.06500781195074119,0.0,0.06343824697431164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509593330968648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622751216307617,0.0,0.0,0.04420754133936256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341084400493205,0.0,0.0,0.16048767063272285,0.057870735092651435,0.0,0.07395577092641177,0.0,0.0,0.16283642280224905,0.07925631756895206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248238059988172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663802443108098,0.0,0.06627979682733175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380689621772993,0.07192990745515049,0.0,0.04192466074612722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493569078997794,0.0679193272810557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434089485723766,0.0,0.12881114007056452,0.11760657535383465,0.0,0.062117750167511865,0.058424829653413786,0.0,0.18385073868016766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883192481432928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792779729154187,0.0,0.07389087527444102,0.21810187355813684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748619341644452,0.0,0.0582342306723048,0.06418175569247897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703457016203934,0.04357336604471717,0.0,0.06520813579959596,0.06456742539516172,0.0,0.07501028687524916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290204449823437,0.05778193019035267,0.0,0.0,0.07145318669394353,0.10598008643387012,0.0,0.13766777293757204,0.0,0.06647489213364513,0.09183388018041758,0.031759533247715376,0.06515490573961825,0.11480617790166067,0.057529867899863814,0.05459018940281218,0.14545422643714645,0.07096370601945841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678643854210479,0.0,0.1306181694966458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377723057675732,0.06909301613672683,0.0,0.0,0.1002760643617931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237674883711996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405097579321912,0.1483241110582095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861719368826866,0.04506823155977032,0.05676231392718964,0.0679193272810557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613631548416557,0.07008941633863087,0.0,0.0,0.06535080628863651,0.07282362712151072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683885772115324,0.0,0.06979406154062533,0.0,0.05551631620928306,0.0618373158043008,0.0516968212857457,0.06508416046717905,0.0,0.051802809534954565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050046189634018176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383064519575187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377009462427607,0.12253818685544078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637660333786253,0.2499262859858126,0.0638698451789139,0.05160894124582911,0.03790657792745267,0.22415075040575536,0.0,0.062117750167511865,0.07222607102487895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229175454708958,0.0,0.053638253028188296,0.11502987534863135,0.05160017526192125,0.0,0.0,0.05844983006807659,0.0,0.058659438967217085,0.0,0.0,0.06266521091133526,0.07049819901298007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770781066673786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRavenGuy,2018/01/25,I really need someone to talk to I’m not doing so well and I just need to talk to someone before I do anything impulsive ,0.2941025641025625,2.495498153846153,3.674615384615386,84.15371794871797,86.69230769230771,6.543589743589743,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.6682974358974354,96,4,19,2,3,35,17,26,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.4101,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567215420278795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654601974549272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626378618641248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998534898842924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286557756087332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014931130840254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804950146111338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,introvertedlonerr,2018/01/25,"Give me a reason to live. I'm 18. My whole life I've been raised by narcissistic parents and have been socially isolated my whole entire life and have been bullied and emotionally abused. I've never had a friend, I've never been in a relationship and have been suffering through depression and anxiety my whole life in silence.

No matter how I hard I try to connect with people to make friend they always flake on me and/or cancel.  I feel like there is something wrong with me that nobody is telling me. I really want to kill myself but I don't know how to. I want this pain to go. I fucking hate living like this. 

Feels like nobody in my area or the world wants to be my friend. Shit even people I've talked to on reddit flaked on me. 

I can't even enjoy anything anymore. Porn makes me depressed thinking I'll never had a sex with a person I love. Video games don't serve as an escape or entertainment anymore. I'm getting addicted to cigarettes to help cope with my depression and loneliness. 

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life but just to let this community know, I have no one to reach out to and am suffering every single day. ",2.7184071532543146,4.82562254585153,4.069844042420463,85.30640465793306,76.81659388646288,7.1566645872322745,23.56851736327719,8.11559375814309,1.3724246620919116,909,29,180,16,21,299,123,229,0.257,0.634,0.109,-0.9899,1,0,2,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,1,0,6,20,4,0,7,0,21,11,1,5,3,36,42,14,1,3,5,1,3,3,3,0,6,0,0,1,5,13,0,0,7,3,0,2,9,11,0,1,7,3,26,9,29,33,4,15,0,5,0,4,14,9,2,2,7,115,31,0,0.0,0.1262139868670472,0.0,0.11612731210789383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863682857935308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149086917802327,0.0,0.21128714806279192,0.0,0.0,0.08766049908340197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869942102876675,0.0,0.27524791114579905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982560448529493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071671402009073,0.0,0.08975139557545765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772386773766794,0.1522020954801384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469014456722533,0.09848008494190433,0.05565459878073591,0.10218790450276052,0.1210805349482007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954249327256047,0.10517078440736967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140105528040831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785345810174705,0.0,0.17562906183997268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892840922876157,0.3009653166866765,0.15612731319216194,0.0,0.18812598151073304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614242379412556,0.0,0.14221171918587325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647453701822375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218368566109208,0.0,0.11334946482355862,0.0,0.1182827322641749,0.0,0.0,0.14770120305541753,0.09301299124790774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824225395512051,0.10952481775518026,0.0,0.11436733258551166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934575875619244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085882038677598,0.0,0.08200768214613435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562027212944312,0.0931070148524866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825652985429491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723230704937069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849254106825836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567920421887776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646770141349795,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mmassa,2018/01/25,"Having really bad anxiety right now Seeing a doctor tomorrow, but feeling very suicidal right now. I think I need to go back to an inpatient program, but I'm alone tonight. Is anyone up to talk. I don't want to call a hotline, Id rather just get referred to another inpatient place tomorrow.",5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,6.727142857142859,71.76785714285714,69.0,11.314285714285715,35.42857142857143,11.20814326018867,4.673657142857143,232,12,40,8,4,80,42,56,0.248,0.722,0.03,-0.9128,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,11,2,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,6,11,0,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,6,22,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560405496539494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592268529221251,0.18911906853121227,0.0,0.0,0.1728587229928362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900933469090811,0.2064144937204009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524345159392021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530353894001333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249995105624756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915981860369735,0.0,0.1404981822972137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833070519350883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582874269764853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837248556361375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42224112172289424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969986294117544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704134717130205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987023365419696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840561620489346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397855686695907,0.14581402043966188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plzthrowmylifeaway,2018/01/25,"My brain wants me to post this here I'm so tired. All the time. Even when I'm sleeping I'm tired.  
I've decided I'm going to kill myself soon. I've watched videos online. It's no where near as painful or prolonged as I imagined.

 

I have another root canal infection. It's the tooth next to the tooth that had the first root canal infection. What a coincidence, right? Similarly, the tooth next to the filling on the other side of the mouth is developing into a root canal infection as well. All in all it'll take about $3,000 USD to fix. Oh, I also learned about some kind of additional fee you have to pay if you lack health insurance. I don't know how much this fee is but supposedly it increased recently. Minimum wage in this state amounts to about $1,424 USD per month. If I were an actual human being with bills to pay I imagine it'd take 6-12 months to save up for the dental work. The infection won't wait. My paranoia says it'll reach the jaw in 2 weeks and the pain will become unbearable. Realistically it'd probably be 1-3 months. I don't plan to wait on it, either.

 

Grandma moved in. The floor is still bare wood. Rats still shit on every surface in the house. Shortly after moving in she let slip a sarcastic remark that granted me wonderful perspective. My mom doesn't believe I was raped. She thinks I'm making it all up. You see, months ago when I was having (yet another) crisis I reached out to grandma in desperation. I told her a little of my story and asked her to talk to and try to convince mom to stop letting the rapist come over. She sympathized. The next day she sent a text out of the blue saying I have no right to come between my mom and the rapist. I impulsively deleted the text because just knowing it was on my phone was making me upset. I considered the possibility that my mom had secretly gotten a hold of my grandma's phone and sent the text herself. I also considered the possibility that grandma had kept true to her word and had a sit-down with mom, but through talking to mom she ultimately came to the conclusion that I was making everything up. It's nice to finally eliminate the first possibility. I'm not making anything up.

 

That's the way this world works. I should know that. I do know that. I don't know why I even thought of the first possibility; it's far too kind to me. Fate is a wonderful thing, isn't it? She spoke to me. Fate. She's never spoken to me directly before, but she has now. It was in a dream, or more accurately that state of consciousness in the morning where you're not quite awake but you're not asleep either. Fate told me December 14th. December 14th came and went. I convinced myself I needed extra time to finish some anime series I've been wanting to watch. Then I convinced myself I needed to play a new videogame for a little bit longer. I'm really just a coward. A lazy coward. The kind of coward that doesn't fight the enemy, but doesn't run from the enemy either. Running takes too much effort. The kind of coward that literally does nothing. Irresponsible. Shameful.

 

I don't think Fate will speak to me again.

 

I finally have an opportunity that comes with a slight possibility of making a tiny bit of money (wow, the adjectives). The task is to rewrite a game an online acquaintance made. I normally enjoy this task immensely. I rewrote a majority of the game of my own volition a length of time ago. I can't seem to muster the energy or focus to accomplish this task now, though. I probably won't finish.

 

I've been hearing so much about tradeskills: roofing, welding, plumbing, etc. I think it might be nice becoming an apprentice to a patient master. I don't have a driver's license, I'm the clumsiest I've ever been, and I utterly lack common sense when it comes to practical skills. I can't imagine doing well in any tradeskill. I heard about another interesting job too. I don't remember exactly what the job was, but it was something to do with crisis management and disaster relief. For a second I thought I might do well in a job like that since I'm already so detached from reality, but then I decided such a job probably requires a lot of social interaction and I can't do that. Same goes for becoming a paramedic (not even considering the cost of education and training). I suppose programming remains my only plausible path. I'm frustrated that I can't translate my skill into income. If it's not my social anxiety then it's my lack of motivation. If it's not my lack of motivation then it's my lack of focus. If it's not my lack of focus then it's sheer laziness. This chain is so unbearably frustrating.

 

I've thought about finally giving in and submitting myself to inpatient services. I know that entering inpatient services means I'll be exiting homeless. I'm certain my mom would refuse to take care of me afterwards. The justification would be that I would now be healthy enough to live independently. I know very little about inpatient services, but I do know they aren't miracle factories. They probably are debt factories though.

 

 

Background: I am a 23 year old male living in my mom's (unfinished, uninhabitable to all but mold and pests) basement. Aside from a brief 3 month stint in the military (I wish more than anything that I could've lasted longer), I've never had a job, attended college, or lived anywhere else. I've gone to a mental health crisis facility a few times. I've tried so many medications but gained only horrible side effects. I had a horrible experience with case management services. I tried long-term therapy but that ended when my (trusted, respected, lucky-to-find) therapist said he felt he could no longer help me. I've reached out to all family members. I have no friends.",3.832069650263996,6.0033249360936125,5.243963922165417,77.86611328143124,73.71647164716471,9.009886143253501,29.095372423840324,9.562071455911905,2.9745257472138973,4608,196,848,123,97,1541,456,1111,0.128,0.746,0.126,-0.877,9,0,1,0,1,1,167.0,0,3,2,19,45,38,8,2,75,0,78,23,9,15,12,150,148,55,1,22,32,8,1,1,1,12,11,7,0,2,53,30,0,7,33,5,9,20,30,12,3,4,36,12,102,26,115,89,34,122,0,0,4,3,56,44,1,17,55,541,155,24,0.0,0.0,0.04020291177819271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303836791412803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045462572654625485,0.06589140676015663,0.0,0.4017382115464879,0.0,0.028015778637718033,0.12959781739505447,0.031516048888131934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780422402012122,0.0,0.0385141918621027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025113672705830467,0.13649852723281228,0.035056120640442404,0.04641558399199642,0.0,0.0,0.08995421152547542,0.0,0.0,0.04599014303643019,0.0,0.09423815144413507,0.04200369574532476,0.0,0.0,0.1419523274802384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578585773814546,0.0,0.0,0.02656904182723912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605229469853577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03441530587425392,0.0,0.03648884278474997,0.04256813043979603,0.04594621066909873,0.08163187268403428,0.0372655850294868,0.03471075225071989,0.0,0.03702574368366866,0.04029915499591431,0.03883742789271038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955615369805692,0.135389861140253,0.037653857235981324,0.10512796470677782,0.0,0.0,0.03182916119251835,0.0,0.0,0.03952048894029085,0.023413543733914216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758223809872118,0.0464326858894634,0.0,0.027613880813636246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047536495561166806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044112902941945,0.0,0.045579037070471534,0.1716038301793779,0.18112897489683608,0.03358154006739363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425466816559399,0.0,0.020127064888654803,0.12387244536062107,0.1091346985906063,0.03645857686965825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03502472366928189,0.0,0.03898216233072332,0.1374985792744489,0.04176789706778389,0.0,0.04487626054539708,0.0,0.041502244699250485,0.04151748792652358,0.08740827987945571,0.0,0.386001020862334,0.1644176441048247,0.08757305142302807,0.09085492199787422,0.061094992220439424,0.063548253006329,0.03978889583279211,0.1314423351325685,0.0,0.040364897912656385,0.039530205358995575,0.0,0.043229947795562516,0.0,0.0,0.0626652577990972,0.08767429555865533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222050242549794,0.03945590979063797,0.0,0.17767190967859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381871544675129,0.0,0.0,0.02639223551766837,0.0,0.04067765685255629,0.0,0.04666884632934012,0.07036504535555146,0.03918834883453245,0.06552396525728181,0.0,0.0,0.03282915088179573,0.0375047449709027,0.0,0.0,0.04228874122254924,0.03407907790413568,0.0,0.04122734934110155,0.08399152386740485,0.0,0.03171592284865415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580090824968665,0.034443035739170784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390186314653735,0.06622613574906883,0.0,0.0,0.04711304249482707,0.047833585339421635,0.02736985280424132,0.07919326987871902,0.08095285962282267,0.0981188704368913,0.09609060028708984,0.09470115451779272,0.0,0.07873213870035042,0.0,0.08391139210112307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03399233202805619,0.04859882012366206,0.032700734852183576,0.033046227255944326,0.0,0.1111247618157912,0.038190585094521584,0.03717442335240219,0.0,0.04737520330528767,0.0,0.0893540729959953,0.05998468245108145,0.0,0.0,0.08779677252531899,0.0,0.0,0.026529901706195902
suicidewatch,genericusername43_9,2018/01/25,"Feeling really overwhelmed and defeated I've reached the point where I can't be numb anymore. The emotions have spilled over. Everything feels so raw and painful. Every increment of sadness and loneliness just radiates throughout my body and it aches so badly. I can't sleep or focus on anything important.

I don't want to die, but I also don't want to live. Depression and anxiety are swallowing me whole. The light at the end of the tunnel is flickering and I'm desperate to hold onto any glimmer of hope but I feel like there's none left. I'm so damn sad. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being tired. I feel defeated and worthless and like the world would be better off without me.",2.6500952380952403,5.172942903703703,3.904047619047617,84.24750000000003,79.22222222222223,7.708994708994709,28.16137566137566,8.634040054169528,2.5075820105820106,552,25,103,13,14,180,86,135,0.341,0.525,0.134,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,16,1,1,6,0,12,8,2,0,0,22,23,15,1,4,5,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,8,1,1,4,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,0,5,9,4,14,18,2,10,0,8,0,0,0,9,1,2,3,62,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274859721261434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840924333277463,0.0,0.12195381242059278,0.0,0.1580991433864884,0.0,0.0,0.13118687001065646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310680220442622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409916634323161,0.0,0.17707670295492012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730590295420633,0.0,0.16545000800691084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932302649343604,0.14119642675423147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431596657270173,0.0,0.14327400671190932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32242474504967544,0.11388776429452856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583373677649495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320738315878312,0.0,0.0,0.15576649882228294,0.0,0.14076841302600254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963126679712465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070089435255968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212681643903286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953244792802346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496802696494848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805692979664992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798374314875556,0.0,0.15367260635545996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324548926053382,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pixelatednoob,2018/01/25,I need someone I need someone to talk. I’m in a suicidal part of my life and. I need a long distant friend who I can talk to. I’m on the verge of ending it but willing to try new things. Like. Talking it out. My parents don’t care. Don’t really have friends and I’m alone. ,-1.903570127504555,-0.020421393442619614,0.9812021857923521,100.09981785063756,99.0,4.0225865209471765,19.892531876138435,5.82211442006289,-0.1938867030965392,209,8,52,2,9,72,40,61,0.083,0.693,0.224,0.8740000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,12,3,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,8,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202005984698433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988595919963664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727504273097823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013798617487267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776481536067664,0.09528827977685228,0.0,0.0,0.17260713831057067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338662947532438,0.0,0.18837398592898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657244695334404,0.21121283257371964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494970011060785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33051902502325864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334565834567604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703051279489494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957806843122469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242156355518442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atheistboredom123,2018/01/25,"another suicidal high schooler I'm [15/F] and I suffer from a series of mental disorders. anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, Bipolar disorder, my brain and mental health really have just never been on my side. only being a freshman I know that I have my whole life ahead, but at the same time I don't want it. I've been stuck in a residential hospital program for over 50 days because I can't walk out of the house without anxiety taking over. Ive self harmed over 8 times this month alone. I've pushed everyone I talk to away and closed them out. I hate my abusive mother and my  family who have told me they wish i was aborted. the last time I kissed a boy I broke down crying because I had genuinely never felt a love like that for months. i don't have the mental stability to do anything. I genuinely want to die before my life only gets worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go into much depth about how I feel without typing an essay, but in a nutshell to put it briefly, I am going through a hell that most teenagers shouldn't be going through ",3.2766777133388567,4.86028507981221,4.697409555371447,83.70074565037285,73.78873239436619,7.828666114333058,26.613918806959404,8.4952907291091,1.8762556752278383,834,30,165,15,17,278,133,213,0.29,0.679,0.03,-0.9956,0,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,2,1,4,9,2,0,12,0,20,7,1,1,2,26,37,7,2,4,5,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,6,10,6,0,0,7,2,27,3,28,27,4,32,1,3,0,2,9,16,1,1,11,108,35,2,0.0,0.13812251484340654,0.0,0.0,0.14010070127042326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073671968042245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223923092337398,0.178359373109738,0.0,0.11561124471595093,0.0,0.0,0.09593143269122756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952621035357724,0.0,0.0,0.1421262841733256,0.0,0.09919688415388908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013644429733398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805235113692714,0.07518134112009983,0.0,0.10040602376053104,0.0,0.12098662240808655,0.0,0.26721049059144164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139257138504684,0.0,0.0,0.10989669607263176,0.0,0.058943909030695324,0.0,0.11193044536230992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060905715261919575,0.0,0.19875706806465912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509384649818312,0.0,0.12391395522233595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316806833411575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451209538065467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813333029657914,0.09502432325416574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646809812972457,0.0569527399964043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052136430138574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524410600746844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186098378225068,0.0,0.08569616382325812,0.0,0.17981991665040375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732134089016505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362701362714622,0.1171902448969345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468103946983869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161332720782853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275143159009431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765002045619227,0.0936987064718352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392775863709675,0.0,0.0,0.11139257138504684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751811215132098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015201501964807,0.1340556932195181,0.22474860924537346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880005830488866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kalilinuxdoctor,2018/01/25,Help me pass away with smile On face with no pain How addiction could lead to massive disposable time t and suisicde please something I want todo is go just disappear do not be so weak I know I am Crying I am so bad but I still take my opiats or coke I work I like it but work is nothing I have girlsfiene but still cannot enjoy I just am so separated from this sheet life where people do not accept Eachethers values and only see there status by there ea ring. I cannot understand what is the meaning of life eating working having 2 week holiday in life why we just cannot produce and use everything without own hands. And stop letting other make money eyeit our own money ... this will never happen this is why I want just to kill muskeg somehow so sweet that I will be even happy to go away from this hell where no one care when your eyes are full of tears only very beloved ones meaning mother ...... fuck I have the day I took drugs I eish I would have never done please tell how can iPads away with now psi. And smile in my face I hate myself that I cannot stop it and I cry every day ,2.266883408071749,4.168552762331839,3.25715470852018,91.56976793721977,77.4304932735426,5.715605381165919,20.5670403587444,6.508806274219699,0.17860735426008967,858,21,180,7,20,274,136,223,0.223,0.627,0.15,-0.9671,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,2,1,0,5,20,13,4,0,2,0,27,14,4,6,2,41,44,17,1,4,11,1,1,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,10,10,2,2,5,1,2,6,11,7,0,2,2,5,26,6,18,35,3,27,1,0,2,1,6,9,2,2,13,124,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285666506658315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176484003739497,0.0,0.09409751769632643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490238327900612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997960424718,0.0,0.24758533061908156,0.14536083900327618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153284405219912,0.0,0.0,0.13069306059381725,0.11531744776934022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443548761196762,0.0,0.09495231522475653,0.0,0.10128504448098877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418681524459196,0.0,0.0,0.12809691758294509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965782855966096,0.11996834539533666,0.0,0.11126522779345152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553860822883393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468283787962325,0.0,0.061935475341018786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524059969992174,0.2388042556763852,0.05505819626300505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522630652265896,0.0,0.0,0.24552074277367314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383817290546874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813607533005458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273318105041178,0.1714227127433432,0.11991784690896833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813010093978287,0.0,0.0,0.2474155323429419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980513762921148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675986859106485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000037962501805,0.18843993718029955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473432584697628,0.0,0.09850238614369662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571468764701438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521081978053272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732183830602708,0.0,0.09733426200486732,0.0,0.09298705492289172,0.13294354598257074,0.0,0.09039895663253132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033835244456643,0.0,0.0,0.1086361519959395,0.0,0.2461348764042076,0.0,0.0,0.08005691109126413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,praisechicken,2018/01/25,"If anyone reads this, please help. I’m really coming close to my breaking point and I don’t know how much farther I can go. I have so many good things going on in my life, but I think nearly everyday how badly I wish I was dead. If I died I could be with my Mom and my dog up in heaven, and I miss them so much. I hate feeling like this, but I’m just exhausted at this point. I don’t want to be in this much pain everyday anymore. I just really need advice from someone who understands it. Please, anyone, anything. Please help me make this go away. ",1.1628379446640302,3.0478633391304366,2.955098814229249,92.49667984189723,80.82608695652173,6.2687747035573125,19.1501976284585,7.348242739294969,0.3090869565217398,424,10,95,6,11,141,71,115,0.213,0.574,0.213,-0.7202,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,0,23,24,11,2,6,6,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,1,0,4,2,5,0,0,1,1,18,3,12,20,3,19,1,1,0,0,5,12,0,2,3,62,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416788384137706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378735325338213,0.20275544682288324,0.0,0.11931129047496072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621930926621384,0.0,0.12105742244414698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489277491447645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575968452070318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047278712262602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330937998942293,0.10357817155165436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24719699911229,0.12160754726501508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314385771370836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436238980739595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968062480493544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240804209866654,0.07083293467457287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677941555287108,0.14699325216387055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980608726556065,0.0,0.0,0.31974462199733883,0.10750543153794036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427554102650112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774539331857264,0.2741176488085134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502543714786248,0.0,0.1857637469428252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284633830625215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632239009813584,0.09290130384165912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093574931032533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551661829790888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672697680870505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,13448882344sorrymom,2018/01/25,"I need help srsly. Hey guys i'm going to start now and say that my grammar sucks and to get the fuck over it. i'm also 16 and live in Canada if that somehow helps you guys?. Now if i'm going to be honest right now i don't know where i'm at and i don't know what the future holds, recently I've been having suicidal thoughts and just thinking how i would kill my self if i ever committed which i probably will sooner or later. One of the main reasons i don't want to kill my self is because i don't want to put the burden on my family, even though they're one of the causes i want to ultimately stop existing. Now don't start making assumptions on why i'm having these thoughts if i'm going to be honest my social life's not bad i have lot's of great friends who i assume love and care about me but don't take any of my suicidal hints seriously. My love life is not bad I've done most of it and i'm acc a pretty good looking guy. so that's not one of the reasons one of the main reasons is how people treat me, for example a lot of people just dislike me for no reason and I've been told they just assume i'm a faggot(not gay teenagers just say it without any context), one of them is my really close friend who even told me himself that he thought i was a fag but when he got too know me i turned out different and not what he expected. Long story short i don't like how my little sister treats me, with absolutely no respect, i hate being judged for nothing and getting bullied at school for no reason and if i tell i'm automatically a snitch and get even more  hurt than before. lifes fucked i don't see my self going anywhere my marks are dropping i'm failing English now and i don't know what to do someone help me get through all this please.",3.4809919571045604,4.001534021447721,4.875984986595174,86.67833136729223,72.0563002680965,7.683817694369974,26.18005361930295,7.699297019823105,1.2362191742627346,1382,42,305,16,25,463,181,373,0.163,0.684,0.152,-0.5528,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,1,24,25,6,0,12,0,27,8,0,10,3,68,74,28,4,11,17,1,0,1,2,2,3,2,0,6,15,16,0,2,15,0,0,5,17,12,0,5,10,4,40,13,33,59,7,32,0,2,2,5,30,12,3,12,15,190,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261748946150866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649508394858248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075656317769202,0.04773172142829446,0.0,0.06662860523693154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798333532398554,0.08043696326042069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180815129484385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012937476185494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515173157925707,0.07082797264762171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381545944635752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209907187318604,0.14477650657881128,0.16363670667574276,0.0,0.1780016424116134,0.06567538204515484,0.06262467070721893,0.08632741575554155,0.0,0.23259167419875626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730628364930138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745105249913602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838231184678314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325748614320094,0.0,0.17212929931911414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659194870858427,0.0382540405653785,0.0784784331607286,0.0691414472679965,0.0692941512457702,0.06575333785917947,0.0,0.0,0.13313786261911634,0.1413398887617158,0.0,0.052266699176903415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805939225792341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513217092141182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652948016891165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085684694954605,0.0,0.0,0.08595127022996159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966053139518144,0.08442200188866315,0.0,0.0,0.07871439341525982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016179227767107,0.4025336825112952,0.07731304807485202,0.0,0.0,0.06686884834691531,0.0,0.12453660972541518,0.0,0.07924505558798428,0.06239596665021136,0.0,0.2450558736555591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981827402421628,0.0663444036374583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108440699130551,0.0,0.0,0.06546335959316726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129773961530675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058872802929220314,0.0,0.06843875264870301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017228584503527,0.07693059055124415,0.18648736269726507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964041922177693,0.0,0.0,0.08516928628259747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855233587645735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065470831362693,0.0,0.0,0.07547962060848802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562296864566713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whoisthepirate,2018/01/25,"It always comes in the night. Here I am once again, one more night. I don't understand why I want to end it. I feel alone, scared of changes, wishing suddenly I wouldn't wake up. I know I don't have the courage to do it but wish suddenly something would put me to sleep. The worst part is waking up tomorrow and thinking why I had this thoughts. I want to be alone and have someone at the same time. To feel something or to lean on. I need a hand.",1.0789243498817953,2.946675521276596,2.166312056737592,98.13388888888888,81.02127659574468,5.879905437352246,23.21040189125296,6.937597516519254,0.4631196217494091,345,12,83,4,9,109,60,94,0.16699999999999998,0.736,0.098,-0.5511,0,2,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,11,4,4,0,0,19,23,4,0,7,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,2,3,11,1,12,18,4,15,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,8,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511248158784024,0.0,0.0,0.14104683872354998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932029828909735,0.14601882823951434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013654687660638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714198402966233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931588834932712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569035441243795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181494234559969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052382032213374,0.11486512810864592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356403415303968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040550410470218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697102117555583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696335480810435,0.0,0.14362622966202274,0.26099589760034225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861588701325096,0.0,0.13457290198475613,0.09884330259189096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764670635978653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996411173372175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059148566142716,0.0,0.3898588658342303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041584265105225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KuroCat2490,2018/01/25,"I can't keep doing this I am so alone and I have no real future. I want to die so badly; its consuming my thoughts. I hate everything about myself. I have too many hang-ups, I look weird, I talk funny, I get stressed out too easily. I can't stand my own body. It grosses me out. I can't continue being a burden to my family. I feel so far from them lately. I can't relate to anyone. I haven't had any friends for years. I know I should be grateful for everything I do have but thinking abut that just makes me feel guilty for feeling bad and then I feel worse. I wish someone would kill me or I could get into an accident  and die because I'm afraid of being punished by God for doing it myself. It's stupid, I know. I hate this. I hate it so much. I wish I didn't have these dumb beliefs about being sent to hell for suicide because I'm just stuck here and I feel like I'm already dead. Other people just get it over with and kill themselves. I want that.

Please don't worry about me. I am too scared to actually kill myself (stupid, I know), I just really need to get these thoughts out. I might start hurting myself again though. I have to do something. ",0.5244567388965713,2.7203996721991746,2.335094513600737,94.21916858767482,85.47302904564316,5.064146303980329,18.884432149992314,6.42735559955562,-0.04134037190717699,895,24,197,9,27,295,125,241,0.359,0.525,0.116,-0.9978,0,1,1,0,0,5,32.0,0,0,1,0,17,22,11,3,2,0,27,1,1,1,0,40,59,13,7,8,6,0,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,1,12,0,0,1,8,20,0,0,6,6,44,2,24,45,2,15,2,1,1,0,4,6,2,2,8,135,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.10653128898261466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306413619668558,0.12046854944447373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423733451432782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633213655283103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229984635258592,0.13309443550757147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125997772723515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871610029186125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265963161850416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622460293041208,0.0,0.10291297498565867,0.0,0.2759906918231531,0.07798895919851677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434218864001962,0.0,0.2281411025165308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32333956985865664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686558017523135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703268606357199,0.3623314845819848,0.0,0.17998605991201758,0.0,0.12314518243324905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333350424603277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167282389189567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286985064266283,0.1106782498062188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580898387019965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025033944679416,0.08094598107140899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568268401510922,0.0,0.0,0.1198326338345119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425599761540344,0.06993520480163462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092952570036737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249688348742108,0.0840421251321656,0.0,0.0,0.07726899676456417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505048191271714,0.0,0.0,0.11941102937211236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774433608951741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994983485669032,0.10725606804338347,0.17333288027875424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877910384631086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25107342979387565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108644339144738,0.1112505458812472,0.0775491370479045,0.0,0.0,0.07029999819257296
suicidewatch,googalot,2018/01/25,"Overdose? My friend attempted suicide by taking what he was certain was an overdose of vicodin (6400 miligrams) and temazipam ( 50,000),     but he was revived by paramedics three hours later, and is alive and well now.

He knows intubated, but he doesn't know why he survived. Can anyone shed some light on this?",4.352222222222224,7.479936074074079,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,77.14814814814815,5.0814814814814815,31.222222222222214,6.42735559955562,1.7459111111111119,244,12,41,2,6,70,43,54,0.043,0.731,0.226,0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,9,9,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,3,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271183561941768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299640704037345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819397914780798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262884374440247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242290304274407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916039891862901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487106437297792,0.0,0.3499611666836636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skydiver505,2018/01/25,"Today is the greatest day I've been being a pussy for a year now or more in my life but today is the day that I'm going to hang myself, I'm lonely as hell I hate life I hate not being able to connect with people, I hate the feeling of not fitting in I hate myself, I hate the career that I'm studying I hate the things that I do, I hate to not being able to shut my mind... this is the thing that I hate the most. I'd rather die than living this shit life that I'm carrying, some people might say god is good I think he's evil when he gives lots of good blessings but not the single one that would keep you from doing this shit I guess I'll go to hell ",0.0757240704501001,1.6999003493150688,2.1360469667319,98.32260273972605,83.17808219178082,4.445401174168298,15.223091976516635,4.65589566412798,-1.1542195694716244,505,7,124,1,14,169,77,146,0.393,0.511,0.096,-0.9972,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,17,13,0,10,0,12,5,2,0,0,19,31,5,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,14,0,1,1,2,16,3,14,25,6,14,3,1,0,0,5,4,4,6,7,80,27,1,0.20155216285075406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299844710443251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458966202819008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050955414751116736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966736001192598,0.11454673891949912,0.1690523916216156,0.0,0.0,0.11101621528593356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7959641333678417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957441155211872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135433798406261,0.0,0.0,0.08898712620200844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567622064108027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690749688023288,0.1017551142081124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828848087932217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973089193669982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801411848051913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689039878389198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390230112374485,0.0645732438175613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104788350669172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158843683755838,0.0,0.0,0.06489649236432693
suicidewatch,_Runaway,2018/01/25,"Life has ruined me I can't believe I'm in this position. Battling all day long every single day in my mind, constantly torturing myself. I just want it all to end. 
A few years ago I was the top Financial Advisor in my class in the country, I made more money than any 22yr old should. I traveled the world, did an IRONMAN, have a great group of friends, loving parents, and a wonderful girlfriend. But over the past year and a half, I started to struggle at my job. It's 100% commission, and I pay ~$1300/mo just to work there. I decided I was going to quit 6mo ago, but wanted to have a job lined up first. I figured with my experience it would be easy. But now here I am, haven't made a single dollar in 6mo, I've withdrawn almost all of my 401k, I'm in serious credit card debt, my credit is ruined, and no one wants to hire me. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I just want it all to fucking end. I spend every second now trying to convince myself to do it.
I don't expect anyone to help, it just feels nice to tell someone what's going on in my head, even if it is just strangers.",3.601168831168831,3.9137594199134256,5.127688311688313,85.72867532467534,71.68398268398269,7.891601731601733,26.65541125541125,7.793537801064563,1.3785380086580084,850,26,185,10,15,288,132,231,0.08900000000000001,0.7659999999999999,0.145,0.9217,5,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,4,10,14,3,1,14,0,17,4,1,2,4,34,33,9,0,8,9,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,1,7,3,5,7,0,4,5,3,26,7,28,25,8,34,0,2,1,2,7,14,1,3,17,126,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368867826815416,0.0,0.13379810516758342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086412874956308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342809960569164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505405812336348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439248775848584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234379729803748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550349556502078,0.0,0.0,0.08825275553402932,0.0,0.2251561380669517,0.0,0.0,0.13070304614405734,0.0,0.0,0.06756076014733528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365453546518853,0.0,0.0,0.10323214778310218,0.12352674551663355,0.0,0.0,0.1518752185925463,0.0,0.0,0.14731319285340586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371295706257143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956064559088439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651884716728885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437762494218968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824682317593815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205945417733474,0.2528632355901371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491506051627855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020854437522196,0.0,0.09054232410918926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483658444854942,0.0,0.12755252708736056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211810613871936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647543411291363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321323408388627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457478661238684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968547951077026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678713047700315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907171589984712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152430282875032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449019157739051,0.09727475326883647,0.0,0.0,0.0949176693807392,0.0,0.0,0.17208990944121694
suicidewatch,bayscar,2018/01/25,"In need of support - I don't want to do it over this No deep background is needed. I was diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago. Battled severe anorexia for eight years of my life, and I'd like to say I am recovered. Found the love of my life, married him a little over a year ago. He's been supportive as can be up until the last two months or so. He says he doesn't need to help me anymore because I ""obviously don't want to be helped."" He's pretty much given up on me, and doesn't support me emotionally anymore. 

About thirty minutes ago was my last straw. He called me ""gross."" Because I was wearing tighter pants and I've recently gained a bit of weight. He said it was ""gross."" This isn't the first time he's been a bully about my weight. He does it in some way every single day. But this is the first time he's called me ""gross."" For some reason, it hurt a lot more than when he called me ""obese girl"" yesterday(I am 180 lbs. I'm not a disgusting pig, don't get a weird image in your head of this lonely fat girl), and every time he calls me fat, or ""Ms. Piggy."" 

Thinking about it now, I feel like he's been really awful about this. He *is* a good guy. He is just totally insensitive about my weight. Which has triggered a LOT of ED thoughts tonight.. But even moreso I want to cut myself. I want to kill myself. I want to get out of this awful body. I haven't felt so self-conscious in years. I feel so fucking awful.

Just asking for support. Please don't tell me to divorce him. He really is a good guy. He's the love of my life, in every way. He just doesn't understand this. 

If anyone has any ideas on how I can help him understand how this kind of abuse is not OK, that'd be great. 

",0.9131737012986996,2.872413028409092,2.5794448051948082,94.48211363636364,82.06818181818181,5.613766233766234,19.432142857142857,6.742157984588678,0.04232133116883041,1294,33,296,14,35,425,164,352,0.14300000000000002,0.733,0.124,-0.4943,0,2,0,0,2,2,61.0,0,1,0,3,16,24,5,0,15,4,33,16,5,4,2,43,62,17,1,9,10,0,6,2,0,0,7,3,0,4,15,6,6,0,10,0,0,0,12,11,0,4,12,9,32,13,41,46,9,37,0,2,0,3,40,14,1,7,23,170,47,0,0.0,0.09139997390344616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205143655407952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245881402679208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300712938745425,0.05393907771459428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721168186832448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404939288256696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421845622003386,0.08568673245209624,0.0971569238323852,0.0,0.3150800778195013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974983712245396,0.0,0.0,0.07829692216465939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750698052287434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677371973406897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050951183416633496,0.0,0.19498493194821506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801004424630678,0.05510984915478696,0.0740678650161762,0.0,0.0,0.1312329127306674,0.0,0.08458159040733251,0.0,0.07131600401135317,0.08060642092741199,0.0,0.0,0.12940513402510562,0.0,0.08504869296539569,0.0,0.15276427704229475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916935695113664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511881253340795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258149052162438,0.08708327869792636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534555687776108,0.0803309228888029,0.0,0.1257611139714631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346180863445967,0.07537480700091084,0.07731597323835891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311657611995109,0.13924629502518968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157354915137801,0.0,0.05670782309423855,0.1715981666780507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467811908645614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848056167086348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883754384814296,0.07931423238494338,0.07616785039131532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337916001235369,0.1226919141594742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047532978753459,0.08714785237547454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350156697919591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742500525484066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942911005571899,0.0,0.06124167435939167,0.13494535513453734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535596275632334,0.1606138871144016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275000545011059,0.1224625444349145,0.0,0.2818124194616444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987061930708866
suicidewatch,unlovedandworthless,2018/01/25,"I have a question Little bit of background on me. I'm very empathetic. ""Happily"" married. I have a job as a one on one for an adorable sweet little boy who is non verbal and has multiple disabilities. I love this little boy like my son. We communicate in ways thru showing love, patience, being very observant for his cues, etc...

Okay so my husband and I have been having issues. I am now suffering from situational depression. But trying to press forward. 

Last night, I was having a low night like I didn't want to go on but was trying to  whether I'm more of a burden or impact. Burden was winning. When I started to figure out what to do what I had to I thought about everyone close to me. I could rationalize how they would be better off. Then I though of the sweet boy I work with and realized he wouldn't understand where I went, he wouldn't know I wasn't coming back and maybe even feel like I gave up on him. I felt bad because no one really gets him like me and I decided to keep pressing on. 

So I tell husband (after hours of arguing) how bad I really was and when I told him the little boy kept me here he got so mad. Like really insulted that I wouldn't keep on for him (husband). I do understand where is coming from but in all honesty he(and situations) is about 80% of the reason I feel this way. And he knows this too. He knows he messed up and keeps messing up. 

Okay my question is (and again I think of things differently than most people) but why is he is mad at me instead of being thankful that the little boy is in my life and grounding me back.

Please don't insult me or give me a heard time. I'm really fragile emotionally and insecure at the moment. 

Thanks. ",1.9877505827505817,4.151456718934913,3.835314685314685,85.80817016317017,79.44378698224854,7.0555495786265015,23.26017572171418,8.101407402915765,1.3643676528599609,1313,44,268,25,33,442,172,338,0.135,0.705,0.16,0.6471,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,1,3,20,31,5,1,12,2,33,3,0,3,1,54,66,28,0,6,7,4,6,5,0,4,1,1,0,5,9,17,0,4,16,1,0,5,7,15,0,3,16,9,44,16,43,42,5,48,0,3,0,2,36,27,0,5,21,186,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400016637758675,0.15202200928226675,0.05549451608153557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051367628121503,0.09938740335943372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683838466077107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268459661297477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784089126465404,0.0,0.0,0.0951129276670344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240290633773028,0.0,0.0,0.10152886663486538,0.060128219456305386,0.0,0.0,0.0869885099726158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206076769370454,0.06503592030604616,0.08740854566488318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047562394453908766,0.08732973606596163,0.05173768466632058,0.0,0.07280956336099208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965182404767383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501761611357044,0.09033888248328588,0.2427501316634605,0.0,0.0,0.15009251526028633,0.07420624363237999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430120521393506,0.22237721643124125,0.4562084229074266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432654208025174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145759391819028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086166988597712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506443343931814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311269001071536,0.0,0.0,0.09992985807500232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039616308388051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332791950454765,0.09359985874819517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465587591307466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443553507255817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956921195832499,0.16762687799448414,0.0,0.0,0.06048007212587444,0.0583319989382205,0.0894421103358181,0.07227217483138879,0.05308364715685635,0.0,0.0,0.0869885099726158,0.0,0.12361452538690115,0.0,0.0,0.1895427427695868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022796852344986,0.053695212892339764,0.14451979823016672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439100339948055,0.08214555707229344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627507182879139,0.0,0.0,0.06466914738549415,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Capt_Dong,2018/01/25,"What to do with my life I'm a dumb 16 year-old, I just want help with where I can go with my life. Everything I'm interested has proven to show that I am not adept enough to understand. I always wanted to be a software engineer, making programs and coding. I cant do this anymore, im failing physics im failing math im failing chemistry. My back up was always business since I enjoyed accounting but I dont have the marks in my maths to even fall back to that. I know my parents care about me and would accept me no matter what I do in life but I cant accept that. I dont want to live a life where I have to lower my own standards because I wasnt capable enough to understand something. I got my math test back i failed it spectacularly. Got my physics test back failed that as well. Physics exam coming this monday yet I am so disheartened that I dont want to continue. Ive been below mediocre my entire life and now I dont want to be even less than that these coming years. everyday is a burden I hate waking up, I hate living, I still find joy in life but that joy isnt enough for me to continue. ",1.174469640179911,3.188694599137936,3.1447751124437784,90.482083958021,81.45689655172414,6.103748125937033,22.58695652173913,7.255503002510835,0.7838236131934035,865,29,188,12,23,291,113,232,0.184,0.6679999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9306,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,6,15,18,3,0,5,0,24,7,1,1,0,28,43,8,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,6,1,1,4,10,10,1,0,5,0,34,8,25,35,5,24,0,6,0,0,2,8,1,0,12,127,47,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698429025624228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355243049227634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901432877356309,0.0,0.05750417856809074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617820734352983,0.0,0.0,0.1625180849331649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422276585643681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924118749327545,0.0,0.12461137109535665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477991257358923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621813924383005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361129833766712,0.0,0.15089253600567132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626750539819129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322904466683836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056856613059365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184264085109679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997787436869839,0.0,0.0,0.16659454179242106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296763478661592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989860251283809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474500877159064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803276741678354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072621719344036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533400674314894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964067892851588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27819857964669314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481619052222833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701105733831157,0.0,0.0,0.1214939943652926
suicidewatch,a_random_peep,2018/01/25,"Please someone kill me, im begging you Please",2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,81.22222222222223,3.6,31.222222222222214,3.1291,0.9686888888888898,37,2,7,0,1,11,8,9,0.329,0.35,0.322,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836170596764384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929148281601797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7796841412010709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009128267399196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PLUOzzy,2018/01/25,"I'm scared of my future. I'm 20 years old, sophomore in university. I'm scared because now I have to drop out halfway through the year. I'm short even an associates degree and feel like I've just had my whole life's plan destroyed. I don't have the money to pay for classes and have to move back in with my parents. I'm headed back in to work an old warehouse job I had last summer. I feel like I've just moved backwards. The only reason I haven't taken the leap is because of my girlfriend. She tries to help but doesn't understand what I'm feeling.",2.7581513409961715,4.054449163793105,3.8814942528735656,90.19070881226057,74.60344827586206,6.1900383141762445,25.819923371647512,6.42735559955562,0.8077808429118774,437,15,94,3,9,142,70,116,0.083,0.85,0.067,-0.1655,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,2,6,0,9,2,1,1,0,12,20,3,0,0,3,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,3,3,10,2,14,17,1,19,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,12,50,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636804610748075,0.0,0.2090377955926109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132460586699022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600821842150247,0.2449785379718988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596485578821586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492434501026785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701451078775086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397607428933157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211054996147752,0.1675309432179171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644643664273396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598315983735048,0.0,0.0,0.1304011514365713,0.0,0.0,0.19038325803589495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762868614959645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433177278320716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640838462371199,0.0,0.0,0.17849329950421364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142617053482214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482309871373105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082601118968634
suicidewatch,Paresen,2018/01/26,"I only have one reason to live and if she is gone then I don't know what I would do. My grandma is the only person I have felt like has genuinely loved me, she got cancer and it ended up returning and as a result of her treatment, she is not very strong. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is that I worry that the stress would make her very sick. If she died I genuinely feel like I would happily kill myself.",3.7396551724137934,4.529161528735635,4.848908045977012,86.12439655172415,71.64367816091955,7.639080459770115,23.69540229885057,7.793537801064563,1.0382505747126438,331,8,69,4,6,109,57,87,0.285,0.6,0.115,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,4,0,12,3,0,3,0,16,19,7,3,5,3,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,2,18,4,5,13,0,6,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,2,6,52,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756999827532492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007381227607434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913829041192364,0.1291140931912983,0.17352987483814214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454690123197836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399903623514866,0.0,0.09932490082116137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176591843466267,0.0,0.15958857486065905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311656979797493,0.0,0.12063918769275858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246784235048624,0.4123616678804421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578071311317908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858213250191113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510990104469525,0.20702647837878047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006948824480056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982436142457863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835408626956793,0.0,0.3851578458261435,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bananasammich30,2018/01/26,"Trying to make it I have another therapy session on monday,  dont think i can make it that long. Every night is a challenge not to take my life. ",-0.09600000000000007,2.205669066666669,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,91.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8913333333333333,112,4,23,2,4,39,26,30,0.0,0.951,0.049,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337249251121798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730000994755676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681490343347627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479750459684367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165140617532475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248840357999514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29866685152966194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23929303458363435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639597539779192,0.0,0.0,0.2039291138607763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607866249508828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ansover,2018/01/26,"My family makes me want to die My family really is one of the major reasons that make want to die. Overall my brother and mother. He is physically and psycologically abusive towards me and my mother does nothing about it, tells me to stop looking for drama and never grounds him or anything. The worst may be that Im older than him. As a woman, i receive hate on a daily basis, and manage to brush it off. But what he says is so painful, he hurts me in my most vulnerable spots. He knows all of my selfconfidence issues and makes my day worse.

I really dont want to live another day in this life. I wonder why i have to be myself.",3.2037007874015733,4.694422322834646,5.437015748031494,78.70198031496064,73.8031496062992,7.914645669291338,25.298425196850395,8.548686976883017,1.7819045669291338,493,16,96,9,10,173,83,127,0.238,0.735,0.027000000000000003,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,4,2,22,18,10,2,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,3,18,0,17,15,4,12,0,1,1,0,13,6,0,4,5,67,24,1,0.0,0.18832893650825874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667220681209174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308017358135651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050183061677566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299285703807743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390976091764213,0.0,0.18628740331524507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996865199072655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692953269944251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015851997544146,0.0,0.17169252675647306,0.16590177956165986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735438191729439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227059580405266,0.0,0.0,0.14035514964284393,0.0,0.1334773849753266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182996888629213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259150401427425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251614638311942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077081636611322,0.0,0.16913326877541565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365399162665773,0.16342635995503368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640286821211633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328887374342712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138928699773175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28125725745846464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342702604839405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237374247391754,0.0,0.0,0.16198292264692887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoodnightDragonite,2018/01/26,Bye :( He cheated on mebeat me up and abandoned me and I’m pregnant  i want to go home :( i want to never think or feel again,-2.956666666666667,-2.1229350000000022,-0.2868518518518499,105.13416666666667,121.22222222222223,1.8,15.611111111111107,3.1291,-1.4670444444444444,93,3,23,0,6,31,21,27,0.349,0.5760000000000001,0.075,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533914722265249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848094452309717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026843412708318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865101090595188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211103157003664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5911707836969112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,envymesammi,2018/01/26,"I'm not sure what to put here. I have tried in every conceivable way to make all this stop. Medication. Therapy. Hospitalization. Poorly executed suicide attempts. 

The amount of pain I feel on a day to day basis is overwhelming. Mentally, physically. I'm draining the energy of everyone around me with the negativity of it all. I made sure this time it'll work. All I have to do now is just wait.",1.111015384615385,3.60931230666667,3.9666666666666686,76.89923076923078,99.26666666666668,8.174358974358974,23.102564102564106,8.384062270229773,2.6469487179487183,313,13,58,11,13,110,54,75,0.22,0.754,0.026,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,5,14,12,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,2,11,10,4,10,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660014514747074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993444262126965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955371647096864,0.22176210791682008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734647430231585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959943251429512,0.1549150081723059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379589122591676,0.23388176137417735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469491736685563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333042088219646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402902892409005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25385753405420003,0.0,0.4374647591724939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654033736792436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353275449036087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756688859003426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421407092341507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895679252027865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DryBid,2018/01/26,"I'm pretty sure I understand life.. Time to move on to something else. As horribly up-my-own ass as the title may sound, just bear with me, I couldn't think of anything else.

I made an account just to post this.
I've been thinking about killing myself for a long time now;  so long that I've become ok with the idea.  I don't fear whatever is next.

I'm not someone who is so depressed that they just can't bear going on with this life *holds back of my hand to my forehead*.  I've lived a life that is truly privileged.  Middle-Upper class male white American. 35 years old,  went to college, have a job with a healthy salary, supportive family and friends.
But,  I am alone,  and I'm pretty sure it's at the point where that's the way it is going to be.. I'm just going to be a single guy for the rest of my life.   
Everyone says, ""Who cares???  Do what you want!! You can do anything!! You're truly free!""  
Yeah.. I get that..  my point is just.. for what purpose? Believe me, taking a vacation and seeing the world isn't going to help.. the whole time I will feel the same. I'll just come home and wish I hadn't wasted the time off work, or the money. I know this because I already try to improve on my life and when I accomplish something I get no joy out of it.  It all just tastes like ash.. or makes me feel Meh.   I just bought a new car for example.. brand new, off the lot, cash.  I really couldn't care less.  wow -- now I sound like a selfish prick..

Listen - I GET life.  I really do.  I've always been a nice person to those around me.  I like being nice.  And I have seen that niceness come back around karma style, and that makes me feel good too. Well.. It used to.. now that is just turning to ash as well.  
That is the main staple of life as far as I can see.. be awesome to those around you, and they will be awesome back.
But it's not enough.  I want my own people to take care of, a wife and children.

I've done all the dating apps, paid thousands at this point for years.  I've only been one one or two dates. None amounted to anything obv.  I think I'm average looking, get told I have good hair and beautiful eyes.. I'd say I'm only self-conscious about my height (5""6') which is the only reason I can think never getting responses.   

I see suicide as just a personal decision.
The best example I can make is something we've all done:
You're at a party or a wedding reception or whatever and you decide you dont want to be there anymore.. either you're not having a good time, or you honestly feel sick, etc. .  So you duck out the back and dont say goodbye to anyone.. or just one or two people.  ""hey guys I'm just not feeling it -- no really you guys stay, have a blast,  I'm just gonna go and I'll catch up with you later.""

and that is what brings us to this decision.  Whenever I'd sit arond with my friends and say ""OMG if that happened to me I'd kill myself.""  Normally talking about someone being crippled in an accident, or coming down with some horrible disease that now they have to live with for the rest of their painful life.
I always meant it when I said it.  

I've always believed in that some people just get a horrible roll of the dice in life.  Some people get life destroying disease, some soldiers get their legs or arms blown off or as Louie CK said, ""Some babies are born and all they do is die"" [of starvation].  

No, 
I'm not blind, 
I'm not crippled,
and I'm not dying of cancer...
My shitty roll of the dice is that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.  

I've done everything expected of me and more.  I've really accomplished a lot.  Owned homes, lived in different states, been in love, broken hearts, had my heart broken, been charitable, seen some breathtaking things,  and pushed myself beyond what I thought was capable.  

I look around and see every one of my friends married with kids, or just married, or about to be and now I'm the one left out in the cold.  I'm not mad about it, everyone has their own lives and expecting them to worry about me is absurd.
I wish them all,  and You all well.  And be excellent to each other.  
I'll catch you in that next place.  
*yuck I'm a blatherer",1.6460526558749289,3.4657240130331783,3.1272222564165686,92.16475872468766,79.01184834123222,6.422330276358713,21.506062657721426,7.398175160649288,0.6030056194989841,3153,89,699,43,77,1033,331,844,0.096,0.7440000000000001,0.16,0.9941,3,2,3,0,0,3,156.0,1,11,9,5,47,40,5,1,42,2,61,27,10,6,9,137,142,52,5,11,40,1,7,3,3,4,15,9,2,8,41,44,1,1,18,0,7,16,21,9,3,8,22,29,75,32,93,104,33,86,1,1,11,2,48,35,2,23,33,439,116,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014425864432502,0.054042960269271606,0.0,0.12224846108327413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856808979468775,0.034243083709534106,0.0,0.12090190141611075,0.17438553083773173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506289593751758,0.0,0.029853506676081155,0.054086867895324485,0.0,0.11035167677864732,0.05139417727207697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979381463333458,0.0,0.0,0.1265577959988913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042180402000777065,0.0,0.10165255387586364,0.05116639663849945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034924906260946,0.11479206108184425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182137082943555,0.0,0.0,0.050602234932276925,0.05461787779977408,0.0,0.0,0.04126189292130453,0.0935916644229968,0.04401380471883951,0.0,0.04616741750431717,0.055108278011869134,0.12381118608689005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350933261955415,0.0,0.20469110977004934,0.0,0.16699502116443118,0.1232287709936005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454730081110668,0.04330669179645588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160665610092584,0.03282559205412479,0.0,0.09824789125406667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528459381401216,0.0,0.0,0.048598179095065995,0.0,0.10836281123921546,0.0,0.026914298461307138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053209344201150234,0.0,0.3805021205960705,0.07177725134769433,0.0,0.1729763432655482,0.08667918712869667,0.08225002794850067,0.0,0.0,0.08327024359492048,0.04420007477713988,0.046339468425028375,0.098069640448132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052050584275855606,0.0,0.0,0.03777102253421683,0.09459692186737664,0.1041667534484464,0.0,0.0479831748796765,0.0,0.0,0.05138896051718648,0.0,0.16592697469027062,0.11173859637997327,0.052110760509620095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580694062181262,0.08552272776493447,0.05116639663849945,0.0,0.13888603844922026,0.0,0.04690262870520735,0.09964636240487658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549351716931428,0.05035243489489993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316913915858288,0.1557812875213137,0.0,0.0,0.1561006685879488,0.0,0.05108955457207039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298938473806708,0.11310550140448618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219873765159652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356855001432847,0.055574018069789635,0.09231300902117222,0.0,0.073643252859732,0.03936266926933545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032535507370257295,0.12551976971365916,0.0,0.03887911826555508,0.142782848350238,0.0,0.0,0.0467958322114984,0.0,0.03324947507855035,0.05326859749766714,0.09567907535723884,0.050982655010098604,0.058908529421261575,0.04229697703434103,0.0,0.0,0.08665669203421089,0.03887251449270409,0.0,0.0,0.13209791564956794,0.04539849270306255,0.0,0.05467664298541779,0.11263314328586875,0.0,0.0,0.03565295166087399,0.049734492736436285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307405587218795
suicidewatch,mishimaru,2018/01/26,"I am a failure, I just want to die. Sorry for the long post and for my bad grammar.

I'm 22 year old, still living with my Mom. I am just in my room everyday refusing to go out because I'm scared of people. I only finished highschool because I dropped out of college. Basically I am just a NEET. I am a NEET for 4 years already. 

Here's why I turned like this-

I'm just an accident. My mom got pregnant early and my dad didn't give his responsibility for it. My mom was just new to her job. Our family is poor so she had to work as a single parent. She couldn't watch over me when I was a baby so she made my Aunt from the province watch over me. 

My Aunt has a cute daughter and she's roughly 2 years younger than me. My Aunt was strict. She always tells me that I am a stupid child while her daughter always gets praised. I know that she was way smarter than me and all but I still felt hurt and jealous of my cousin. But I was a positive kiddo so I still appreciated them. I love my Aunt and her daughter. We were like real sisters.


On my third grade elementary, my Mom started to pick me up from province and said we could live together because my another  Aunt who's living in Japan said we could live in her local house with her Japanese daughter who wants to study in my country. We also had to live with my Uncle because he would serve as my Japanese cousin's guardian.

Life was... shitty. I get bullied on my school, and my Uncle beats me up. He punches my arms, hits my head etc. He always tells me I'm useless and I should die. I always get scared everyday. When he's in bad mood he always take it on me. 

My mom is always out working. She goes home very late everyday except of weekends. I told her I'm getting beaten up by his brother but she always tells me to just ignore him and it will be fine. It wasn't fine. I felt like I didn't have a place where I belong and I lived like that for years...

When my Japanese cousin graduated highschool and moved back to Japan, my Uncle started to look for a job.
He's a seaman so he leaves for months and comes back sometimes. I felt a bit of freedom. I started to try to blend in with my schoolmates and got some...mainstream friends. I wanted to be friends with people who likes anime and games but I don't want to get called autistic and get bullied again.

I found my first love in my 3rd year highschool. But he told me to just die because I am annoying him. I started to change as a person. My world fell and I started to get more scared of people. My mom wasn't really bad to me but she never cared about my problems and her reason is that she is busy at work. 

I begged my mom that we should move. I cannot live on my Aunt's house anymore. I don't want to get beaten up by my Uncle anymore. I kept begging her almost everyday 'til she agreed. Took her long to move me away though, I got beaten up by my Uncle for around 9 years straight. 

After I moved and graduated highschool, I never showed up to my Uncle at all. My life is completely fine right now. I'm even living with my Mom and my boyfriend. I met my boyfriend online in some anime forum site. My boyfriend moved here with me away from his country. He left his family for me. He's a very nice guy. He loves me very much. I should be happy. But why do I feel so empty? Like it's too late to feel happy? I sometimes think ""What's the point?

My mom took me to a Psychiatrist and my Psychiatrist confirmed I have Bipolar II. But we are poor so we only went to my Psychiatrist twice. My mom told me ""You already went to doc so you're healed now."" I cannot even- maybe my Mom is just closeminded or I'm an ungrateful child. I just want to die. I feel like a failure. I'd feel bad for leaving my boyfriend but I just can't handle any problems anymore. 

I somehow feel like my Mom doesn't really love me but she's my only family. I feel so hurt. She keeps saying that I have no reason to get depressed and everything is okay.  She said she didn't save me from my Uncle's punches etc because ""karma"" will get him someday... I just wanted my Mom to protect me so I feel loved. 

My boyfriend understands my problem but even he comforts me, I still somehow feel the pain for all those years. I feel like I am still carrying heavy weight of problems like it's still fresh. I just cannot move on. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't want to live anymore. I always wish I never wake up after sleeping. I want to disappear in this world.

Sorry for the person who reads this post. I know my life is stupid. I know I'm worthless and I'm just complaining while other people had it way worse than me. I am just wasting time your time I am sorry....",0.7910559006211173,2.9808907349896496,2.473155279503107,93.71749689440996,84.19668737060043,5.1292753623188405,20.897722567287786,6.42735559955562,0.19375759834368544,3614,113,794,35,105,1185,321,966,0.166,0.7020000000000001,0.132,-0.9918,4,0,0,0,1,3,111.0,8,2,1,9,50,56,7,3,23,1,60,17,4,4,6,130,143,55,4,21,27,30,14,10,2,6,7,4,2,5,24,43,1,5,21,4,2,14,19,26,0,3,35,21,184,29,107,95,10,112,2,5,3,5,117,42,0,5,61,499,208,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338906303533828,0.0,0.074697051067806,0.027065636018248015,0.2252923598805936,0.0,0.0,0.023015592006901696,0.035489173544199074,0.0,0.0,0.13425959886665828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030129004863837544,0.0,0.0,0.06359651737850233,0.052049050490002094,0.11303581719416947,0.12378868042898072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694970356785902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455927595357388,0.0,0.034506980389789776,0.0,0.035803260056775546,0.0291542571060001,0.03548557864254746,0.0,0.0,0.05404456114194087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02915043538153593,0.0,0.1405020370868857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549169007206755,0.06706241867308352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030417480855882688,0.0,0.09571746049270903,0.0,0.154016312197482,0.07253609296584605,0.09748880871557272,0.0,0.0,0.02878832883777908,0.0,0.03710902375939737,0.052296743017711166,0.0,0.17682486076166304,0.03246697017153093,0.019234752565114227,0.0,0.08120622006889007,0.0,0.0,0.03351162563300671,0.0,0.07205673587988637,0.0,0.0,0.03473447985510154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03394904587823842,0.0,0.0,0.07810459965590481,0.07246301421137004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717138823593638,0.030082770729624314,0.0,0.0,0.07440076252675372,0.0,0.07635670906131807,0.07167341133284631,0.036772422173713716,0.0,0.09562219723634434,0.16534836306496714,0.0,0.2689698254371463,0.059903081134043815,0.02842106773660103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273105074085538,0.0320247227590109,0.0,0.0,0.034001602517830486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.515301339777445,0.027014558220116232,0.21582969173360175,0.024879787012912092,0.0,0.07830947782275341,0.03268747246809508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03551437401788984,0.0,0.0,0.07722137720114497,0.03601320245573738,0.0,0.03758059193908223,0.0,0.0,0.09385475858877078,0.05910386414331669,0.035360562445306665,0.0,0.031994230315277095,0.0,0.06482783389642095,0.0,0.0,0.12953942766439086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03385391096013478,0.03852273743711433,0.04336362966595688,0.06959608396713407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028903233359899545,0.09658232882224184,0.026914705290497627,0.10165350331916327,0.0342526959997118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033869194364754204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694665044928744,0.11365928716078708,0.11977744863486353,0.0,0.16217077642662114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025447041539980828,0.0,0.08874541528232363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021686350547796367,0.03325229708879928,0.0,0.03947029423141656,0.0,0.0,0.09702033301968184,0.07520552976285866,0.022978365040935728,0.036813371508222836,0.0,0.035233580524520365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837763949491932,0.17966260502740494,0.053728777730307736,0.0,0.041213790215783634,0.0,0.06274884852616508,0.061079249092783235,0.0,0.0389197946135448,0.0,0.0,0.07391814783075216,0.0,0.03449069381732324,0.024042340831046415,0.0,0.0,0.15256437491323704
suicidewatch,Throwingaway51500,2018/01/26,"Everyday I get closer to killing myself All my life I've felt alone, and i'm so sick of it. I'm 20, never had a girlfriend, never had sex, have no real friends and i work a shit job with no career prospects. Even when i'm laughing and joking with people it's like there's something in my head stopping me from actually feeling happy. 

Sometimes i feel like everything around me isn't real, and it could just fade away at any moment and i'd just be left floating in an endless void. I can see that the way i feel and my situation is all my own doing, and i can see how i could make an effort to change it, but it just all seems so pointless; If i found a girlfriend i'd just fuck it all up because my head is such a mess, and even if i had a 100 friends i'd still feel alone when i'm with them.

It's been worse recently, and my head has been so loud with negative thoughts, it's non stop throughout the day. Every time i let my mind wander i see myself falling off a roof, or lying on the tracks waiting for a train to hit me, and each time i do it becomes more and more appealing. All i want is to feel happy.",6.4668792971734135,4.152352861344538,7.0775935828877055,82.85644385026741,66.60504201680672,9.83101604278075,32.98090145148969,7.686295010490155,2.0626840336134453,863,27,198,7,11,287,130,238,0.174,0.7240000000000001,0.102,-0.9621,1,2,1,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,16,12,3,0,12,0,19,8,4,2,7,52,41,21,1,5,8,0,6,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,10,17,0,3,9,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,8,10,26,8,19,28,9,26,0,0,3,2,5,10,2,4,16,130,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.11074559913904916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507376328253046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717411633512615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102626626880283,0.0,0.0,0.10662348005659912,0.0,0.0,0.06917978343792015,0.12533595628924346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200527431999057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812180737127366,0.0,0.0,0.07318883945376574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991236951713746,0.0,0.09561653334418953,0.0,0.1019935618205882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28690870836777144,0.08107415290995024,0.10896399656563778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443112981112575,0.17535742414910616,0.10491563128586144,0.05929155492185882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161511534685945,0.0,0.0,0.3494069744163698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261697132443045,0.0,0.12555502935706056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330246321309307,0.1160467400687356,0.08015825284360605,0.11088668762612687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757525356697008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145881297595552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505421976035196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867664294451962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25834297198419914,0.0,0.0,0.11205336331266867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713000493861854,0.10331305043961612,0.0,0.0,0.11649136284869255,0.0,0.12756259694347624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736677824483585,0.11224018457728653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062976642350977,0.18975812747827914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009490948757964,0.13234876069594778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693676171691193,0.09007960650891582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261888633666098,0.0,0.1156515468443796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossit7611,2018/01/26,"How to get help without being held in hospital Suicide has gone from something I never thought was possible to highly likely.  I have three young kids, so i haven’t done it yet due to them. 

I live in Florida where the Baker Act allows anyone to be committed for 3 days.  I do not want this to happen.

How do I get help without worrying about being committed or having police involved? My fear is if I tell anyone my mental state is not good they will call the police.",5.076666666666668,5.788994782608699,6.166086956521743,78.16514492753625,68.56521739130434,8.742028985507247,28.3768115942029,8.841846274778883,2.2610159420289846,368,12,67,6,6,123,67,92,0.117,0.763,0.12,-0.1759,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,14,0,0,3,3,15,21,5,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,5,0,11,2,12,12,0,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,6,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891072652497305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109913140121592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333267082651709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115612629864647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326338901568819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160205819535861,0.0,0.0,0.17339916620946688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828147157903356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277139676714601,0.21842644557423244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100007844064177,0.0,0.18255043112719735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833984291474789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944646111870198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330621885530981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915438804676627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261340878263826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069514445369786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412417252517944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193741789393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985695361564869,0.0,0.0,0.20994901197537785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ASilentIndividual,2018/01/26,"Its very important that someone talks to me here. Preferably someone older can respond...I got tattoos at 18, and I am extremely self conscious about them. Lost a lot of hard earned money and I'm just generally sad. The tattoo is a ram skull with a snake across my whole abdomen. I got extremely sick, and lost all my money. This is one of many problems I have, pretty depressed about this. I've laid in my bed for past two months because of this and an abusive family. I feel like such an idiot and wish one person told me not to do what I did, in fact my Mom encouraged me to get tattoos. Not her fault as I made the decision but I am truly depressed. Sorry if my problem seems miniscule to you guys, but I really need someone to comfort me as a friend seeing as I have none left.",2.9384615384615387,4.6320260700637,4.2270063694267535,86.2673689367957,74.92356687898089,6.868985791278785,26.72660460558549,7.61054688173877,1.4892933855952957,611,23,122,8,13,201,104,157,0.161,0.7090000000000001,0.13,-0.4858,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,3,5,13,1,0,8,0,9,3,2,1,2,26,22,11,0,6,6,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,6,6,0,0,5,0,2,0,3,9,0,3,7,3,21,4,19,15,4,8,0,5,1,0,11,5,0,3,4,83,27,1,0.0,0.1716491474755954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883123781082462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24955538059017954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365720441206717,0.0,0.07325143004721997,0.10349629459326552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192743295764176,0.0,0.07568942770085181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317340935088057,0.0,0.0,0.14344565320519687,0.0,0.0,0.12977649115482134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740340908589825,0.0,0.0,0.07077694232446641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162889132466012,0.12316464724414262,0.0,0.13708100362511388,0.0,0.14687705624912745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696718581540313,0.11563512293828138,0.0,0.0,0.10742045014067544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633748070132068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829632755626192,0.0,0.12649628656985862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738649179966218,0.0,0.2772450972781815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280845177285033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544390259464984,0.13188565677033567,0.15113266624605534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682476904713644,0.0,0.0,0.1621718869362345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644229837322802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843101492204274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151849515832218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953423595210767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161743959308021,0.16659518168683754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rocko9090,2018/01/26,"Suicidal thoughts happening again... I don’t know where to begin.... I just have no one objective to talk to about this.

I have struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 7/8 years old. I have the usual anxiety, social anxiety, and anorexic tendencies on top of this as well.

Despite people saying I’m “good looking” I have never once felt this a single day in my life and I’m in my late 20s. I haven’t had a single person ever like me back not even once in my life. Despite being “nice, helpful and social” these days...

I have struggled through many highs and lows with two planned suicide attempts in my teens.

Lately, everything seems to be coming back. Being completely rejected (despite everyone at school, work, friends saying I’m their friend and how I’m a “people person”) and body image issues are just coming back.

I feel so alone and hopeless and I’ve made every possible change one could do. 

I wake up every morning wishing I was dead. And I really wish I were. No matter what I do I end up completely alone and dejected whether it’s socially, romantically or academically.

I haven’t cried in years. I’m just scared of myself going back and undoing all my progress (despite the lack of results).",3.748462345290541,6.147059977973572,4.740251730648208,80.33029368575626,74.77092511013215,7.671827144954897,28.43066918397315,8.563005593585519,2.4317356408642747,953,40,167,19,21,310,134,227,0.238,0.654,0.107,-0.9865,0,3,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,1,5,15,12,0,3,5,0,19,4,2,3,3,39,39,16,4,5,6,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,0,2,6,15,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,6,1,3,8,5,24,6,21,27,4,33,0,3,1,0,12,13,0,2,18,113,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476975812931852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438626627120196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28920759035640725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444415588871976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946938964729847,0.16199397235646118,0.19717360057481284,0.0,0.0,0.07507388296513,0.0,0.10328558505169504,0.1212808469913566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328109435493304,0.0,0.0,0.062104752873575524,0.08505390870684297,0.15844566243855002,0.08984799422866226,0.08450650165781369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475434935431936,0.0,0.0902818373243372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529193990335848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343840462110787,0.07886641026062466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314884490149839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302513420643341,0.09934597752112444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981410329580405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167545096517874,0.0,0.2121358567281729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282982584197348,0.04593743901301435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896002365151197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897177579391767,0.0,0.09532985732732048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252036034591812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866680022052507,0.20027397227827365,0.12743191143152846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037465774786136,0.16420363069759036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600269067305458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023688581604372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955002999935324,0.09413865212862813,0.09516157912611713,0.0,0.08559976053789371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778111570174548,0.0,0.0,0.2875497888003474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659742367360408,0.0,0.3085548356596527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557632195430829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929580812885893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185190864485404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355880073150182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454266261190943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625562640209303,0.0,0.0,0.06845366443283113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110218239884585
suicidewatch,Doh3rtyA,2018/01/26,"Somebody please fucking kill me already I’m fed up of crying myself to sleep every night. I’m fed up of rethinking all the mistakes I’ve ever made. I’m fed up of doubting all good people and things in my life.
I just want this pain to end, I don’t care how anymore.",1.5399999999999991,3.1632742280701787,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,78.64912280701755,5.261754385964913,23.68070175438596,5.6839178017228535,0.38178175438596496,209,7,45,1,5,70,42,57,0.25,0.607,0.14400000000000002,-0.8469,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,1,0,1,7,1,2,3,11,11,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,5,2,9,7,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272283602366179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446996682537552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515677605206169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27103218133587176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853830479595684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231903551344548,0.2078889977359074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281070508625918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695371185019087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729811288993767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742796801044174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334712482742129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23154867059460166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26254863765611075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105837113007993,0.0,0.0,0.2708463028064205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691808094282866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392301804796053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553357895673694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopeless9012,2018/01/26,"Fired from my job, bills and no savings. Need someone to talk to My life has been turbulent, last year I had a great relationship that ended after almost a year. It was my fault and I realize that now, there is no contact between us as it ended on bad terms but I still think of her everyday... it’s what keeps me motivated, she told me things would get better and whether she meant it or not it gave me a sense of hope.

Yesterday my boss called and told me my employment was terminated. Someone at work overheard me and a coworker talking about hobbies (guns) on a break. Someone who wanted me out of the way called it in and set me up to be fired. It was made clear that no threats were ever made and I would never threaten anyone, I am not a violent person in the least bit. It’s a hobby I’ve always enjoyed and never thought it would end up destroying my career. I appealed it but I doubt I’ll ever hear back, all because one or two people wanted to advance themselves and X me out of the workplace and they succeeded in doing it. I was absolutely floored, how could this happen?.

I have no trust in anyone at this point. Not a soul. This taught me that you cannot trust a single person in life. I never wanted many friends to begin with and now I want fewer and fewer, I have zero trust in anyone. 

I’m just upset and feeling hopeless, I have been applying to places left and right but know I won’t hear back. I am not college educated and I am competing for jobs that require little skill, and the hundreds of others applying for those single openings. I don’t know what to do, I just want someone to tell me everything will be okay and work out... but at the same time I don’t believe things will be okay and I sitting on bills that my job would have paid, no savings and selling of my material possessions to keep the lights on. I’ve never felt so wronged before in my life.

I just wish I could talk to someone, anyone, and try and keep myself from feeling more down and out. I have no hope at this point, can’t even stomach food without throwing up. I’m a wreck but I try my best to hide how much this has hurt me from others. I hope the people who did this to me face the same thing down the road and experience what it’s like to be without money or food because of hearsay. I’m not religious but if god exists I hope he delivers them a lesson. ",3.1895640619699215,4.5796061108786645,4.4328972068302654,86.29091654415924,73.6652719665272,7.092253760036186,26.30804025783105,7.63319966405982,1.3599386407327831,1843,64,379,23,37,607,222,478,0.121,0.72,0.159,0.9689,4,0,0,1,0,1,47.0,1,1,2,11,16,28,3,2,20,2,39,7,2,6,8,101,76,38,0,18,21,0,5,1,1,7,3,2,0,2,35,29,2,4,11,0,5,2,22,10,0,3,19,8,56,18,56,44,11,62,1,2,0,0,26,33,0,10,24,282,91,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286749821218096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054951788901505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352670532839834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190951758580604,0.06075895550941277,0.08871843885062314,0.0,0.06192093708892489,0.0819855820840149,0.07636642527566183,0.06435813995835991,0.07944474418437124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861027679350636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620002110687798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335482340127466,0.0,0.0,0.04806314333107587,0.1316471933594825,0.0,0.0,0.06539995593985302,0.07118190477585462,0.0,0.0,0.07358824047744854,0.0,0.06986951379302178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598477993410336,0.0,0.056221037918310464,0.0,0.038018724028051405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022792104141797,0.0,0.0,0.06434925936263583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403157961034387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28910357469884995,0.0,0.0,0.07790056578232406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166355845769884,0.1940409091983338,0.0,0.0,0.07998372077877255,0.059316330269111324,0.0,0.0,0.07906357536171328,0.0,0.1541963858486181,0.035551187524078966,0.07293351114438948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771130274388022,0.0,0.07377619883265832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349348232178446,0.0539571849454139,0.224495312352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049310060347188836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008975251029714,0.12707791710832655,0.07602796684210711,0.0,0.13758018047993356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812651875406161,0.0,0.062144205735273614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30828407928012685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058113302694173224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754665509378909,0.06360318788207002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503318416265926,0.04662734488243446,0.0,0.05777034359538729,0.042432105339329056,0.0,0.0,0.13906752139929265,0.0,0.0988105536002282,0.0,0.07108459894232798,0.0,0.08753197441672164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146047843070235,0.057760531072787835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368059356965755,0.14029316155048324,0.0,0.10595318821636956,0.0,0.0,0.2067716308909614,0.07956132099103276,0.0,0.09372151535954927
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAnon1922,2018/01/26,"I don't feel anything and life is meaningless. Only a matter of time. I am emotionally flat. I feel almost nothing about anything. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. I have no emotional highs or lows, I look at people around me and see them having emotions, being effected by them so strongly that it changes their behavior and makes them do things they otherwise wouldn't do, or having their thinking clouded by emotion. I recognize that those things are normal, but I can't relate, it is utterly foreign to me. I see horrific things, see the people around me effected by them, but feel nothing. I often watch videos of cartel/ISIS tortures and executions, and have never felt any empathy or discomfort when seeing people dismembered or having their faces sawed off.

I am almost certain that no one in my life suspects this; I am socially and professionally successful, I have a job and a family. When interacting socially with other people, I often feel like I am watching a movie of another person, someone who is not me who is doing and saying things, making people laugh, acting normally. That person seems so strange to me, but he never misses a trick, never lets on, never acts in any unusual way. I find it hard to make any connection between that person and myself, even though I can rationally understand that that person IS myself. It's an odd disconnect, but one I have grown used to.

I hold my wife and I feel nothing. On our wedding day I felt nothing, during sex I feel nothing. I can feel the physical sensations of sex, but it's no different on an emotional level than masturbation. I tell her I love her but there is nothing behind the words, they're meaningless, I literally don't know what love is because the truth is that I feel nothing for anyone. I have 2 sons, 7 years and 5 years old, I don't love them, I feel nothing for them. I felt nothing when they were born, I feel nothing for them now. When my oldest was 3, he was almost hit by a car and killed in front of me. I felt nothing, no fear, no anger, I genuinely didn't care if he lived or died. Afterword, I just brought him in the house and fed him lunch. I can objectively recognize that that is not a normal reaction, but I don't feel anything about that knowledge.

I am realizing that I don't care for my own life. The catalyst for me writing about this is that I was mugged recently, or rather someone attempted to mug me. I had gone out to the convenience store around 9:30 pm and was walking back to my house when a man approached me. When I stopped to see what he wanted, he pulled a gun from his coat, pointed it at me, and demanded my groceries and money. I could see his hand shaking, I could see that he was thin, that he looked tired and hungry and strung out on drugs. He looked desperate, scared, and unstable. I searched for any kind of reaction to this in myself and couldn't find one. I didn't grab the gun and beat him up like Steven Seagal, I didn't call for help. I just looked at him and told him, ""No."", and then walked past him. I almost immediately started thinking about what I was going to make my sons for lunch the next day while there was a man 5 steps behind me deciding whether to kill me and take my groceries/money. It simply didn't matter to me whether he was going to kill me or not. After another 5 or 6 minutes of walking, I realized that I had forgotten about the man entirely, and turned to see if he was still following me. He was gone. I went home, made the lunches and went to bed. Again, I can objectively understand that this is not a normal reaction, but I can't find any kind of feeling connected to it.

For as long as I can remember, I have had thoughts of suicide. At least 3-4 times per day for 20+ years. I don't want to get removed for discussion of methods, but suffice to say that thinking of killing myself is a daily routine for me while driving to work, at the office, playing with my sons, eating dinner, all the time. I constantly think about killing myself, but it's not driven by some kind of emotional distress as it is for many others, I'm honestly not sure what drives it, it just seems to be force of habit. Once again, as is a common theme with me, I can logically understand that this is not normal; I don't lack rationality, I just simply can't experience feelings about anything, including apparently, my own self preservation.

I have the idea that one day I will end up killing myself simply because there's no reason not to. I think I just keep living out of habit, like the reflexive action of breathing or sleeping, floating through this purposeless life like a dust mote, without reason or meaning. I don't really enjoy anything in life, food doesn't really taste like anything, I don't care about sex, my work is meaningless, I have no connection to any other human or even myself. I don't have any reason to be alive, I just go around doing things and one day I guess I'll stop. I don't have a plan to kill myself, but I expect that I will die by suicide one day. I don't feel anything about that.",6.052911722746093,6.111551191725532,6.672006158878182,77.66000756811304,66.34611503531787,9.982817773756917,32.32334110442256,9.753983421225431,2.946909655868332,3985,151,768,78,58,1310,369,991,0.17800000000000002,0.746,0.076,-0.9989,3,0,2,2,0,8,131.0,1,0,12,10,41,40,10,5,32,0,92,25,4,11,8,170,171,71,11,16,42,4,22,5,0,3,7,2,2,9,56,37,8,4,48,2,2,26,43,17,0,6,34,40,136,23,110,126,6,103,0,2,15,6,64,30,0,23,50,542,192,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864820107193685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666080705275716,0.07782979764417984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025949393899414797,0.0,0.21377861903959253,0.13214927920778705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028536639928817945,0.0,0.04524594867609714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03789523938682534,0.0,0.11351368739416627,0.0,0.039259303710613855,0.0,0.0,0.04010461046275116,0.0,0.05926141464251292,0.0,0.0,0.14360402601837444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770322609897378,0.03877387305561039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303784018361029,0.03797457848893225,0.0,0.2504742975485689,0.032869989332657015,0.0,0.0,0.04902391305670468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630240626278255,0.03498564884811197,0.04176102904103514,0.2627073758803501,0.026512636923859845,0.1425323743771319,0.0,0.1017583834857078,0.0,0.04487566747020573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01938935421305413,0.0,0.0632743771004246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088276940647334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0332448326267342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02487521934120733,0.039210594513138936,0.03722610456996913,0.0,0.0,0.08564393840741298,0.0,0.04189464107899617,0.0,0.0,0.03682767892136578,0.0329866227449191,0.287410518825148,0.11593850962978455,0.020395643634875626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794927205785609,0.13106560955709082,0.09065461627413902,0.0,0.06554069874011305,0.0656854501996087,0.12465807060941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048439216263533,0.035116028960784154,0.09908950767593053,0.037625482922669234,0.0,0.040425568279003635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449145760796905,0.0,0.03946876016461627,0.0,0.18180814497593786,0.3917069060661121,0.0,0.038942531865804604,0.03952279555993711,0.15088726685829112,0.02822515320005429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03542735838816157,0.12864305046104296,0.12961817159631606,0.0,0.0,0.03508259311981532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047549466287448085,0.1144711596039994,0.03664336944606587,0.0,0.08408074161529377,0.0,0.0,0.059025495868572274,0.03715532937248714,0.0,0.2365860371402749,0.06757027480371716,0.03871564217118634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713854509033914,0.07566149767591547,0.06288931955735608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026267883015019814,0.0,0.02963748624484042,0.0620541585278244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118844767215178,0.0,0.03497737898622245,0.0,0.02790341244820954,0.0,0.03243729952680621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327696647148816,0.1188985334269378,0.036462099496374814,0.029462578863886663,0.06492046812166866,0.04265448971830803,0.0,0.035461861239120755,0.0,0.0,0.040366919949779034,0.0,0.11590390118925024,0.0,0.03205263074811874,0.0,0.0,0.04377893561787932,0.05891514905540105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880591593820021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035774396333823594,0.0,0.05403558243600727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169623804377448
suicidewatch,prolee93,2018/01/26,"I wanna die, really really I don't know what to do. I really, really, REALLY wanna kill myself. But I can't......... I have a 5 year old brother.... how could i do this to him
But i rly wanna die. The therapy doesnt work, pills dont work, im drunk every day and cry and hate everything around me. My close friends tell me to kill myself, and that i'm a pussy that I don't do it.
I wnana die, but I don't have the guts to do it , i don't know what to do anymore",-2.077211538461537,-0.33316122115384417,1.8261538461538471,96.21884615384614,93.90384615384615,5.892307692307693,12.807692307692307,7.321109707123232,-0.40980384615384624,339,5,89,7,13,126,51,104,0.198,0.764,0.038,-0.9339,0,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,4,0,15,3,1,1,0,15,19,7,5,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,17,1,9,18,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,59,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407395989646205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830206931339262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404118016582515,0.0,0.17065409910768398,0.1001934281147162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837130173983855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820790923662267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089629965032185,0.0,0.1396262692604995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200296493426722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338442842008432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678139202197166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34376248898643985,0.0,0.17076201923108827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302268990434698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976334053219689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357902418958114,0.0,0.17766606967480314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620578522274226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004582840338133
suicidewatch,kazziemee,2018/01/26,"Why do I feel this way when I have nothing to worry about? I have had depression and eating disorder since I was 16. Now I'm 33 (female). Life seemed good and easy at times in my 20s until my depression and suicidal thoughts hit me. I have a degree, established my life in a foreign country, somewhat decent career and a very caring boyfriend. Last summer my depression got worse due to stress at my new job. I could not stop crying all day and night, and extreme anxiety hit me every time I tried to get myself out of the door. I wanted to disappear and blamed myself for being so weak. Eventually, I resigned from the job. I had to. For the last 5 months, I did nothing. Thankfully I had savings and my bf supported me. He says there was nothing to worry about, just get better. After NY, I decided to start applying for jobs again. I got interviews and one of them is at the final stage. I should be happy. Life will be good again. But last 2 days my old thoughts are back. I want to disappear. I can't get out of my bed. I feel like a failure. My suicidal thoughts feel real this time. I don't know what is wrong with me. How can I live my life like this that every time I get a bit better I get a kick back?

I know I will not have answers by posting this here but I just wanted to let it out.

Apologies as english is not my first language. 
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suicidewatch,throwawaysugarbabyyy,2018/01/26,"I am completely broken. I no longer want to be on this Earth. And I want to stop myself from being this person I’ve grown to hate. 

I don’t love myself, and I haven’t for a very long time. 
Every time I start to get better, shit gets in the way. 
I need to live for my kids, but this voice in my head is telling me I’m not good enough for them. 

I feel used, sick, and hollow. 
My phone is blowing up with people I’ve met for money, telling me how much for the next date. 
Every message is like a punch to my throat. 
I am not a good person, and I’m not a good mother. 
I don’t want to lose my mind, but I’m close to it. I keep hearing voices of my past, different people but the same words. I need all of it to stop.
",0.5927431059506532,1.6384749119496895,2.6127044025157247,98.11510885341076,79.75471698113208,5.395452346395743,16.63328495403967,5.369823440869387,-0.8742921141751334,537,7,139,2,13,181,87,159,0.19,0.738,0.07200000000000001,-0.9626,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,1,9,2,0,7,0,10,5,3,2,1,27,28,8,0,5,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,1,4,23,6,22,25,4,16,0,1,0,1,12,5,1,0,10,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867312942121528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254236779360325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520049588666766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032894916924985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245161385140216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356357095590889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520239149377552,0.0,0.0,0.3660876179812744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364019086430962,0.14931360862250356,0.0,0.1639765901098459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293172396345504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107853888138195,0.0,0.12846938454917392,0.1287531186452619,0.0,0.16276489028719845,0.0,0.0,0.13130943333515566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690233806822334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069510986246016,0.2157563859420968,0.0,0.0,0.154729120218057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388856394826492,0.2017274009822985,0.2540706317062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934228879671296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297780857450388,0.0,0.0,0.2432705084942072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543274628895918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967152206308933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565571696819658,0.0,0.12004359836326435,0.2574394089395619,0.11548233517897892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apdrivemecrazy,2018/01/26,"I’m not depressed but I’m suicidal I can appreciate the good things in my life. But the thing is that there’s more bad than good in my life. I doubt it’s gonna get better. The earlier I go, the less shit I have to deal with. ",-1.7177310924369742,0.19886490196078727,1.1337815126050437,99.91058823529413,96.05882352941177,5.2672268907563025,15.128851540616246,6.868970318607317,-0.4507501400560226,174,4,46,3,7,60,36,51,0.277,0.478,0.245,-0.6368,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,1,4,0,3,3,1,0,0,5,8,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342463534194911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248122428565638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892332765684626,0.2416360887447105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465750586158998,0.0,0.15944222845983433,0.4706216920860182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39631953065100456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28797909517293296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068746216536598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727680331794297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beeblonde,2018/01/26,Not sure I can keep doing this  Boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and I just want to die.  Was already dealing with depression and trying to pull myself out of that and this game out of no where. ,7.16,6.201303589743593,6.538076923076925,82.9194230769231,64.38461538461539,9.851282051282054,32.32051282051282,8.841846274778883,2.3574512820512816,156,5,32,2,2,48,31,39,0.311,0.662,0.028,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,9,4,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299777554139686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017020359021407,0.3355966158105765,0.0,0.4043851107513589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34633019778023805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36723136757001373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645401841744902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22981994168353956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Eraser123,2018/01/26,I think I'm getting close to ending it I have no friends. I have no future. I have no chance at ever becoming anything. I hate my family. I hate everyone around me. My mum constantly degrades me as if I didn't hate myself enough already. I wish she was dead. I wish I was dead. I wish everything was dead. Everyone deserves to die. I hate this fucking planet and I hate this fucking species. We're not special. We're just pathetic parasites that got too smart for our own good but the truth is that an asteroid could easily wipe out any account of us ever existing and I wish it would. I can't wait to leave this shit hole,0.7867857142857133,3.2615028174603182,2.746329365079365,89.39901785714287,88.28571428571428,6.6420634920634924,23.74801587301588,7.8658589789855275,1.5944777777777772,489,20,100,11,16,163,81,126,0.274,0.5579999999999999,0.168,-0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,0,5,14,8,0,2,0,11,3,1,0,3,20,27,5,4,7,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,9,0,0,5,0,23,5,9,20,2,9,0,0,0,2,5,4,3,1,5,66,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878676818587764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936333951826108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960381954980964,0.10389211112358293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889140200367538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611654552312174,0.0,0.09317937278643716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112126932244507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336590876170773,0.12058736729889916,0.0,0.0,0.21113254179271934,0.0,0.22303308201694474,0.10488684626194833,0.0,0.11001900092526634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016592253132713,0.21578361403855012,0.060973497686650426,0.0,0.0,0.09788653992249396,0.0933395762372648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5761096764914252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235736468637202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979591111298235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477979279962398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038163499827136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368195392009909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290381831655302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyMeanBunny,2018/01/26,"Tonight, maybe. Throwaway for obvious reasons. 
I’ve never posted here but I’ve lurked from time to time. I’ve been suicidal for about 4 years now with one suicide attempt that ended up with me being in a psych ward for awhile. 

I’m in my early 20’s now and it just doesn’t go away. Currently, I’ve been living with my boyfriend for the past 3 months. The best 3 months of my life, really. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. He knows I’m suicidal and has helped me, emotionally and physically, in the past. 
However, I don’t think he knows my plans for tonight. 

I stopped attending college last semester, even though I was doing great. I just didn’t think it would matter anymore since I’ve been trying to figure out when would be the right time to do “it”. It’ll be tonight. 

At the moment, I feel peaceful yet my head seems crowded. I can’t seem to think straight and I’m easily distracted. I can’t focus on just one thing. All I have to do is clean up the place well, tidy up my belongings and wait after our last date night. I hope he can one day forgive me. ",1.1552397260273963,3.455910237442925,2.570576484018265,92.8854537671233,83.61187214611874,6.024429223744294,21.453767123287676,7.333567415737692,0.6808369863013701,838,27,182,13,24,271,126,219,0.101,0.728,0.171,0.9398,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,0,4,13,7,0,1,8,0,22,2,1,1,4,35,37,8,3,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,9,0,3,11,0,0,2,6,1,1,3,5,1,20,6,28,26,3,44,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,3,28,110,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219104426439295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575969145827128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586022310752397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946014769785695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385944755837114,0.10912733909837807,0.0,0.0,0.08137893094405768,0.11145034547140717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062298592279513135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002298597458988,0.0,0.0,0.13583927295894402,0.0,0.0,0.1089540460951782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644883200315846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258495214957333,0.0,0.0,0.12237516218527406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135425801118922,0.20086491270760898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702674694245856,0.0,0.0,0.1087965375311366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378083513992348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966898222322629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502701683142334,0.0,0.0,0.11562407934548607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504705092756595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352354491544439,0.0,0.0,0.1287280488677611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180009591577808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893137230716893,0.12668022619525876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522052193440964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433120427422365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192044490265252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300893516570864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043146700014604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371027306404082,0.236843652930978,0.12105303277438133,0.0,0.2155339287591458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365138711993061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078043441420178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504945687339285,0.0,0.0,0.07934309116946467
suicidewatch,TheHangmans,2018/01/26,"Brother has terminal cancer and I've just been sacked from my job Pretty much that, lowest I've ever been in my whole life, even the solace I find in the gym/ my passion for bodybuilding doesn't help anymore, I'm writing this sat in my car not sure how to cope anymore, my
Brother has terminal cancer and is slowly progressively getting worse, which is being causing me massive amounts of stress and has been impacting my job performance, as a result I've been let go from my job today (I was still in my probationary period) my employers excuse was that my work performance had dropped, I'd also
Been off sick with migraines which I get very badly and are brought on with stress.

I'm not sure if I can take anymore stress this is the total opposite of what
I need at the moment, like I said above The gym/bodybuilding has been a massive part of my life but even that hasn't been able to pick me up recently..

I'm not sure where I go from here, my girlfriend has a well paid job and I don't want to the one who looks weak and unemployed, i worked my arse off to get the job I had and now it's gone. ",7.045121753246755,5.58317050892857,7.259853896103895,79.2828733766234,64.89285714285714,10.645454545454548,33.310064935064936,9.573946990214177,2.7760499999999992,870,29,181,14,11,283,122,224,0.142,0.8140000000000001,0.044,-0.9506,9,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,5,11,11,0,3,10,0,26,8,0,4,5,28,43,12,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,1,1,1,5,6,5,1,1,16,2,25,6,23,25,5,23,0,0,1,1,8,10,0,1,8,122,35,9,0.1102778888361722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818918785998306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280980995183757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207743086770982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328576927729295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567501104150365,0.09975266398060346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079199254385583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284693609466928,0.0,0.12534693116108436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391694432875577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547168942562531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276661289054622,0.15578506837923164,0.05387620613402816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260565242636612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106693703110321,0.08176965724596602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747271514895856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194202071077581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121922585630675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888611120208194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489952566564133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880680644763234,0.0,0.3789688472152248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31180681542865696,0.0,0.08291524815220018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453054416160094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099080752465756,0.06504475603715235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915306590575096,0.0,0.0,0.12312132463513425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056723295210087,0.0,0.11238259002767627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raam_naam,2018/01/26,My partner has cheated on me by doing online infidelity. Now she is convincing me to be able to manage her infidelity for life time. I am not able to do it. I want to end this life because without her I will be most lonely in life. My post title says it all. I am not able to count even last breaths of my life. Please help me. Its last request please call me if you can. I love this earth but not more then her. Please help me get me back to her. I want your support. ,0.1496969696969721,2.233604373737375,1.9846464646464632,96.8636363636364,86.07070707070706,4.8121212121212125,19.1010101010101,6.11248444174946,-0.2813111111111111,359,10,85,3,11,118,62,99,0.038,0.755,0.207,0.9349,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,10,6,1,0,1,10,15,3,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,22,3,12,12,3,10,0,1,0,1,14,2,0,2,7,61,27,1,0.4623940476817995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851749359536708,0.0,0.09395703989348013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738534047897673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365146268071628,0.0,0.0,0.1018023025172344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052726843440725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662198887526914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512752425147341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354701206589835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910956036725414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075698100281371,0.0,0.0,0.14761522671958127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257143528489435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490642856397734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987522922589589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182132635960002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857712046506127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyNameIsChaise,2018/01/26,"Cheated on and finished So today I found out that my longtime girlfriend has been sucking dicks behind my back and broke up with me right after she told me about that, I’ve been in a fucking depression for a week and this hasn’t made it any fucking better. I’m going to go home and I’m going to drink until either I stop feeling or until I die ",3.6941666666666633,4.52062341666667,4.939888888888888,85.294,71.77777777777777,6.315555555555558,26.9,5.6839178017228535,0.9701799999999996,274,9,54,1,5,91,53,72,0.211,0.728,0.061,-0.91,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,4,0,2,0,4,4,1,1,0,12,16,8,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,2,1,0,3,1,6,0,0,5,1,8,1,13,11,1,16,0,2,0,3,3,5,4,1,8,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947813597642804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032743952446226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740932213115007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198729175224395,0.0,0.24338938325797024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297352666742033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185777516575746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713342221564484,0.0,0.43361038925544176,0.0,0.0,0.3998405712265463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352375099982726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190361600246647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002743956595276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606491070918394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229265128948086,0.22408898363554836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811366237510727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway34343454343,2018/01/26,"Hey, how are you doing? :) Because I'm doing absolutely terrible.

I was at work when I suddenly started getting very depressed. Like I got the strong urge to throw myself under a bus type of feeling. The past months I noticed my depression getting worse and worse, nothing makes me happy anymore. Last year I lost my joy in pc games completely so I tried watching shows instead. Lost joy in that too so I started talking to people on reddit to kill time. I've lost interested in that as well because I'm sick of never seeing the people face to face, as there's very limited things you can do with your online friends. The one thing that's made me truly happy recently is drinking alcohol on the weekends. It makes me forget and I feel great for once but I have enough sense in myself that I know I can't keep doing that.

I envy the people I've been talking to who are doing fun stuff and actually experience life, while I've been wasting away. The two friends I have irl are always busy and the people at work are way older than me, like they aren't in my age range. I have no opportunity to make friends anywhere else because I work full-time, I'm gone for 10 hrs each day.

So I'm simply sick of life, more and more each day. The one thing that's been racing through my mind is death, I haven't done it because of my family. It would devastate them if I'd take my life, though sometimes I'm still very close to just go and do it. The constant feeling of empty- and loneliness is unbearable. Every day has been the same for years even when I tried my best to change it. I keep getting older and I fail to make any fun new memories. What's the point in living then?

I have no time and I don't give a damn about a therapist by the way so please don't suggest it. I don't need a person to listen to me who pretends to care or put me on pills, I need a different life. I can't really change much though so I think I'm fucked. The thing is people are going to tell me the same old thing they tell everyone on here so I probably should've just deleted this post.

Wish the best to you people.",2.423456680980045,4.1991632476635505,3.7816317251831286,88.55326471331146,76.57009345794394,6.683101793382168,23.717100277847944,7.534196372845213,0.9936533720636528,1642,52,345,22,37,539,209,428,0.156,0.6859999999999999,0.158,0.5705,1,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,4,3,12,21,29,3,0,21,0,35,12,2,6,1,41,74,27,2,5,5,0,3,2,3,1,8,2,0,1,22,13,2,3,5,5,0,5,10,10,1,3,12,7,49,19,43,61,10,51,0,6,2,1,22,16,2,2,29,220,71,6,0.0,0.0,0.07187434537575932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871226557714663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128489092027635,0.0,0.0,0.050086316157587685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304362097235917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919907328445006,0.0,0.0,0.17959184605048853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458778884313593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509376812590415,0.0,0.1558294396371162,0.0,0.07722338449485032,0.07959233079299081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424995656381653,0.0,0.1268738099122644,0.0,0.0,0.0769513254151645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537221529906153,0.0,0.07215154057790478,0.0,0.0,0.06152732404721663,0.0,0.0,0.07610285857179802,0.0,0.04864686952140004,0.0,0.062055519990318685,0.07037824723171783,0.0,0.07204640799422739,0.06943314756074369,0.0,0.11172295291290037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707115248661689,0.06809067246896082,0.11544138266755345,0.07065431696054712,0.08371697742125317,0.0,0.05890673897812985,0.08120228799833018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568091949788444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093168884887801,0.08148572596859989,0.0,0.040477560963488736,0.06003672625431545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809213167432591,0.07196591237912199,0.0,0.06503662439723623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120164847801184,0.0,0.0,0.06969190227589721,0.19665481803850035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743681634153224,0.0,0.05878882904530799,0.0,0.05414315990170835,0.10922498837417774,0.056805451179789586,0.07113417199690135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067168787232715,0.08385401093929809,0.07728604872146863,0.07843765047891378,0.09981786065378266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030977225352561,0.3063687723193216,0.06431063829967018,0.0,0.08084847366217628,0.06962554490491102,0.0,0.07053886303194036,0.0,0.07940999566315345,0.0,0.0,0.07404123924918359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04718376274089253,0.0,0.07272308965648472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058691612734155366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284433741893369,0.0,0.10426342557820817,0.0,0.05881908792663619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431464364993754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537761390037446,0.11839839313112745,0.12875129538369676,0.0,0.0,0.0855163837936567,0.2446576835266444,0.04719363332107589,0.1447266761121073,0.0,0.08589488530709613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001060636455894,0.0,0.07194792038274024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823134074808917,0.0,0.11692406379787998,0.0,0.0,0.06622256247352687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846968931851864,0.0,0.0,0.1608599822643776,0.0,0.1501166508783243,0.05232071734983696,0.0,0.0,0.0948597618270221
suicidewatch,tyrellian246,2018/01/26,"if i died I just realized that if i killed myself in my room right now it would probably take over a week for anyone to notice that I wasn't alive, and probably 2 weeks for anyone to find the body. That just kind of fucks me up that literally no one even gives a fuck about me. As long as I left the windows open it's enough to stop my body from smelling, so that my neighbors wouldn't know. i really miss having friends",7.2860227272727265,4.970577375000005,7.203636363636368,82.60045454545455,65.02272727272727,11.072727272727272,31.09090909090909,9.516144504307137,2.2578318181818187,331,8,76,5,4,106,62,88,0.231,0.716,0.054000000000000006,-0.9481,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,4,0,4,4,2,0,0,12,10,6,2,4,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,12,2,13,7,1,12,0,1,0,2,3,7,2,2,5,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836120846386545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945425343334055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431861553562734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350613988736053,0.0,0.11730175989452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232129346194984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721172261845774,0.32837285488626705,0.0,0.17036812039821045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964857997326043,0.1849409178930262,0.09760317948447904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296067403660885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716858217674762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219642402822213,0.0,0.0,0.1203449557884152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829612197515392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377378364537412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166766455081093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484798244413554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353154341033135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849166988978003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616047619220713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no_worms_onthebed,2018/01/26,"Feeling confused, sad, and just weird Hey guys. 

I’ve struggled with depression and an ED for quite awhile- I’m not on any meds or anything because the last time I was they made me insane. Like I’d freak out for no reason and had no motivation. Since then I’ve been just trying to control it by working out and talking to a therapist. 

Anyhow, what’s happening right now is that the past couple of days have been rough. I’m with this guy (for about 3 months but we’ve been friends for longer) who I really REALLY like but I’m sensing he’s pulling away from me. This is probably me just overthinking and over analyzing but I’m scared that he’s going to dump me. And I don’t know how to talk to him about it or if I should at all. I don’t have many friends who I can talk to about it so it’s just been building up inside me. He knows about my issues but I feel like I already talk about “me” stuff enough. I’m stuck between this weird place where I want to give him his space and not be clingy, and where I feel like he should maybe know what’s going on?

On top of that there’s been some more personal stuff going on that I just feel like I can’t control. I feel like I’m already on shaky ground from a lot of big changes this past year and if this guy peaces out, my little pebble of stability is going to be kicked out from under me. I’m overwhelmed and I want it to be over. 

I don’t know what I wanted posting this, i guess it just helps to write it out.",1.2354727474972194,3.0540315483871012,2.510578420467187,96.10241935483872,80.29032258064517,5.695216907675196,20.367074527252505,6.647476241863616,0.02711679644048948,1140,30,268,11,29,366,149,310,0.094,0.742,0.16399999999999998,0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,6,17,19,1,5,5,0,22,0,0,6,1,61,50,21,0,7,16,0,6,6,2,2,0,0,0,4,24,17,0,2,11,0,0,5,8,11,0,0,9,6,30,8,46,36,5,40,0,3,0,0,24,25,0,10,15,167,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081970943324294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495759002486684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860568579599568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974517148295134,0.0,0.0,0.0582287459056287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104860598955308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426996133485607,0.0,0.1056922257478717,0.0,0.061603175434995314,0.0,0.0822721409900022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869877974801676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414915665737932,0.2729610307926983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759865362410052,0.0,0.0,0.09163249579326344,0.21714725755996628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522720647232499,0.2837425739406878,0.08446894966109975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402574677945218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969915977114993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099834854693767,0.0778624053362764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800005624718106,0.09573718707071603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120858143062405,0.0,0.09038432776424117,0.0,0.09684335277682424,0.09596373431886528,0.0,0.1061023536359594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762439913359167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237130262950615,0.0,0.08340529704288548,0.09979916735064427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148276210277596,0.0,0.1029878485359945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015983953262066,0.0,0.0,0.1223864620552322,0.09821154911673903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157445537018589,0.0,0.0,0.09563323552163468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790160002171782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998593420236936,0.21869749965532975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071048090826572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090730213417757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055699092816652016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485252325133516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902237168423515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954046255175851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151242486300065
suicidewatch,the69thhour,2018/01/26,"What's the point? I've been struggling with mental health problems for a few years and it's gotten worse lately, to the point where I cut my wrist around a month ago. Last week my friend and I decided to talk to a counsellor at college and everything was cool until I mentioned my wrist. The whole tone changed and now I think the whole staff are watching me and I've been this bad for ages, but it felt like no one took it seriously until I harmed myself. Genuinely just debating shutting myself away and letting myself die if I have another bad moment like that because nothing's getting better, if anything it's getting worse every year.",7.1147386759581925,7.182059056910571,6.708385598141698,78.26341463414636,64.12195121951221,9.304994192799072,33.83159117305459,8.841846274778883,2.8006664343786296,516,20,93,7,7,161,82,123,0.243,0.6559999999999999,0.101,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,1,1,7,1,6,3,2,0,0,16,12,11,1,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,6,3,13,5,11,5,3,20,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,14,61,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690997822517698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195354911223533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709860720168376,0.13749261483480996,0.0,0.0,0.1451101937862674,0.0,0.25791741456867345,0.09415085472205324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659784739006495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633868714570539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029398046830162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013018966724013,0.0,0.13880906450324754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482955409912758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193271397005137,0.0,0.1613867605903104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641723747867147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589678687235384,0.17422552846447134,0.0,0.0,0.15793486510382002,0.0,0.150912244856415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564855925223622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232799511658978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481982609824989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465883728861956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920090063083681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778711340014414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146393430403194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414049029686447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989648697829927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715988460930456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388990562754425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448742371383887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147940465901314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892056017362236
suicidewatch,viktor77727,2018/01/26,"My life is a complete failure. I am 17. I have no friends (literally never had any) and never even talked to a girl - no one even notices me even if I try hard to be nice and care about others; I am boring, ugly and very shy - people don't like spending time with me because I just can't hold a conversation, I am not interested in any mainstream things, I don't know anything about e.g cars or football, I don't have any sense of fashion, I don't like mainstream music, don't use slang and don't have the newest gadgets or social media - everyone at school just avoids me. 
I spent my whole childhood (including all of my birthdays and summer holidays) in my room, I never go out - my mum and my sister (she is my complete opposite) are the only people who I talk to (my father left my mum when I was born) - I never told them that anything's wrong.
The only thing I do in my free time is learning and playing games (+ eating (a lot) and sleeping). I want to go to university but my family's too poor. I always wondered why my peers' lives are much better than mine - they have friends, girlfriends, money and are handsome...
To add insult to injury, I am the only person helping my mum- I am overwhelmed with all the problems, I most likely have derealization/depersonalization and I realized that I am gay - my dream of a perfect family (wife, children...) and future is crushed.
I wish I could go back in time and be a little child again because it was the only time when I didn't care about loneliness and other problems, and I could find happiness everywhere and appreciated every little thing - I miss my childhood so much (although I've wasted it).
I am sure that if I won't kill myself I will die alone and no one will even come to my funeral...(I get a lot of these thoughts)",5.514561904761906,5.657770437142857,6.4860000000000015,78.24633333333334,67.4857142857143,8.723809523809527,30.952380952380967,8.418075326091056,2.2651238095238098,1383,50,267,18,21,462,184,350,0.159,0.6859999999999999,0.156,0.6107,0,3,0,0,0,1,61.0,0,0,2,2,15,25,2,2,13,0,38,4,1,1,8,55,54,25,2,8,8,6,1,3,3,3,1,0,1,4,12,21,1,2,6,4,5,5,17,9,0,2,7,1,54,17,24,40,8,33,0,2,0,1,25,10,0,8,21,193,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643169330680436,0.0,0.0,0.07747322250440965,0.0,0.0,0.1899496723173168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532397189562345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159421956239237,0.0,0.11351541008000575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234636163582941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898593966425056,0.0,0.0,0.08020420218141525,0.19524370067969568,0.0,0.0,0.14867814648386288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966312891153904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527261502782453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459875306934732,0.0,0.07844741233350509,0.08896857814997383,0.0,0.0,0.17554766303337813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509892390697754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386984841259387,0.0,0.04864502920333466,0.0,0.1587460772572133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911507935240517,0.08340638044038931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240825547855021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301008428180172,0.0,0.05116966090450583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116199400992146,0.0,0.06576485564604341,0.13646343475751982,0.18663713053088488,0.0822159719500416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831399560026807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689002333751618,0.0,0.2872421761794578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600394893153132,0.0,0.0,0.12618463070130226,0.28325098125461795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909857394363994,0.08129821748189693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818335087539208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423015462994072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931751305710114,0.09491176765276084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775308365326345,0.0,0.0,0.14967318889650788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855702330735684,0.0,0.0,0.07391726374643214,0.21716783570828616,0.0,0.0,0.08896857814997383,0.0,0.063214144982013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041532181284235,0.0,0.07682375960973392,0.05491744537290594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401538796744729,0.10395163318050968,0.10706947752757093,0.0,0.1009715340849402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179886048277346,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uvuvewvewvew,2018/01/26,"The only reason why i wouldnt end my own life The only reason why i wouldnt end my own life is because of my mom. A lot of the times when we hear news about the death of people my age, my mom would exclaim that she cant fathom the amount of suffering their parents have to endure. I dont want my mom to go through this. But at times i just cant stand anything and would often wonder what it would be like if i werent around, what it would be like to end the immense loneliness and emptiness i feel everyday. Despite the fact that i have friends, i just cant control the negative thoughts that go through my head that always interpret anything as being bad",5.078823529411763,4.940550999999999,5.4429411764705895,86.31823529411768,68.41176470588235,8.270588235294117,30.235294117647058,7.6454224807358475,1.7265176470588228,520,18,111,5,8,166,75,136,0.126,0.794,0.08,-0.7449,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,9,0,16,3,1,3,1,26,23,6,1,8,4,4,1,2,1,6,2,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,1,2,18,3,13,13,4,13,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,4,10,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875105734433414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510634158390096,0.1163487705454909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091272215725561,0.07967217879941459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658872010125235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531768732313387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472784296327231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608474550285008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097681256222504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855716760720925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413367102372467,0.0,0.1473059434856583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463147282140335,0.12770470741573658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111461391034473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592151262252544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988031652065755,0.0,0.0,0.14512446356076172,0.0,0.0,0.09060941293114172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687582560709053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375947106068772,0.1524219013421864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708896129386249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358689100388019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173621205432255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713759295230323,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Koukikupkake,2018/01/26,"Pretty sure my soul is dying Have you ever just stopped? I stopped everything. Feeling, eating, moving, living. 

Sex is boring. Masturbation is boring.

Music is horrible. Food is disgusting. I dont bathe, Im so fucking hairy idc. No one fucks me anyway, not like I’d orgasm if I did. I just stay in room, in the same spot under the covers popping xanax to sleep all day cuase thats all I want to do now. I want to kill myself but I don’t want my family to find me. I was thinking about either oding in like a park or jumping off an overpass, not sure yet but I think ill shave and shower that day. If I meet “God” I wanna look nice.",-0.2469658119658113,2.038862884615387,2.1128205128205124,92.7782905982906,93.23076923076924,4.427350427350428,16.45299145299145,6.139981653823899,-0.29167521367521365,485,12,102,5,18,164,91,130,0.18600000000000005,0.68,0.133,-0.7312,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,0,8,11,4,0,4,0,11,9,2,0,5,27,20,7,2,6,10,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,1,2,2,4,1,0,2,5,6,0,1,2,2,17,5,11,18,4,16,1,0,1,4,2,6,2,3,9,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003638602470812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770483124894274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199933399868564,0.0,0.0,0.1745589432941205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431088381550434,0.0,0.0,0.15331773879928062,0.0,0.16081963609327488,0.0,0.08625680606418355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591865751066458,0.0,0.20628139679023744,0.0,0.0,0.3154204454932639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426941379582185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873557166052515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668597415673522,0.0,0.1506364990748593,0.0,0.143254921743269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813130661012753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559804351305585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355412763202874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071592218831572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182914374348733,0.0,0.285246308732035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215632435163149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861785626166666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30186002231304376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,max11115,2018/01/26,"I’m chad.. Was watching the subreddit r/niceguys when saw a lot of post saying girls always end up with chad who treat is girlfriend like shit.. and today i realized i’m that guy.. 

I’ve been on the edge for the last two year,since i learned of my mother cancer .. already lost my father 5 years ago today.. and on September 27 of last year lost my mother to cancer.. it’s been hell since the day she died. Had to take care of all my family and my brother, who lost his girlfriend a year before, that was still depressed about. So everyone was asking me to take care of him without asking me how i was .. everyone i love was now gone and my brother who was my bestfriend well barely contacted me anymore since he started seeing his ex again.. 

Because of all this, well, me in a relationship for about 41/2 year with my beautiful girlfriend. Who was trying her best to help me every way she can, was treating her like shit .. pushing her, always yelling, insulting from repressed anger. But, today it finally happen i pushed her hard enough to cause injury.. i wasn’t able to control myself .. i saw blank.. and was just angry.. don’t even know what i was mad about..  

I’ve trying to get help.. but lost my job just before Christmas, so no money anymore for therapy or anything .. so that’s how i know.. my faith was determined. Already my father was abusive and committed suicide, now i know what to do.. pc gaming and twitch have been a great help for me but now.. i’m hopeless i’ve hurt the only person that was there for me and now i’m about to be single like i deserved.. so i’m gonna do the world this favour.. 

So for a lot of you who were nice guy, hoping that someday the asshole who treated his girlfriend like crap, didn’t have a job, an awful background, was getting what he deserved .. then yeah you can’t rest assures i will.. i don’t know when i’m gonna do it probably before February , still need to prepare for it and find the best way.. 

Anyway, thanks for your time.. if you read the entire thing thanks .. this is the last chapter of my life .. 

P.S. english not my first language.. sorry for the mistake..",2.55534286437247,4.606022310096151,3.5145698380566834,89.36332489878544,77.10096153846155,5.917408906882592,24.40890688259109,6.8360192770164,0.8830442307692308,1635,56,326,16,38,523,202,416,0.133,0.711,0.156,0.9022,2,0,0,0,1,2,84.0,0,4,0,8,29,38,7,1,18,2,34,8,3,4,4,41,69,24,2,4,9,7,1,4,4,3,4,2,0,4,22,11,0,2,7,2,1,3,8,16,2,2,28,7,48,22,39,37,9,38,2,7,4,1,48,5,4,5,31,212,70,5,0.0780851809681899,0.0925181708640221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921780153807887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233787781885307,0.0,0.12994625167792193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487903481281293,0.0,0.0,0.06425745064821417,0.0,0.14599820696129492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760000155776193,0.0,0.19933421327579195,0.0,0.16389115990657138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922609220315556,0.0802149904073651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757917017353127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050358481898635656,0.0,0.06725465194856542,0.0,0.08104008978480172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916029342820064,0.08068286542473277,0.0,0.05157452559060844,0.0,0.06579013275193983,0.14922747336404296,0.0,0.0,0.07361175921366889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553849897715977,0.07136844077259734,0.06641921504170914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159256841777293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860891876823343,0.0,0.15463321138634312,0.06905046764989999,0.0,0.06994898465488791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701655251401495,0.0,0.0,0.07755620355983724,0.0,0.0,0.0835918012225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549749867396949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165429342486352,0.1909495331380432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515387257098118,0.15259390074486726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409567964478865,0.13277045701331786,0.07047492447280007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057899172274177374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059387298779323264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818096813558841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478401862986991,0.0,0.08418903197209357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810631192711963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838342617966328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062096470015579414,0.0,0.0,0.062223779509186825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603066322992896,0.19377860582064632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740996716596347,0.055269092991505606,0.0,0.12471785277587337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541251424148613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742067653480942,0.0,0.0,0.14378068712117384,0.08929720962812533,0.0,0.05187632455746459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553209696694285,0.0,0.22204686389184847,0.0,0.0,0.10602942446301047,0.0,0.0762778755853621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396076417309712,0.0,0.0,0.14041591068728995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527132797715415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251421482101464
suicidewatch,jdawg232,2018/01/26,"Will things ever get better? Suicidal, crazy & alcoholic. It’s not in my cards.",0.5410000000000004,1.396618933333336,2.3924999999999983,84.58875,126.33333333333334,6.833333333333335,17.083333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.663333333333334,64,2,11,2,4,21,15,15,0.332,0.529,0.139,-0.6124,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427105709379676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488430500810879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663731942983394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747156364581941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164301419263576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45312564460331894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752113459427316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sammyjamez,2018/01/26,"The education system has turned me/is turning me into an unhealthy perfectionist. I utterly hate it and it scares the hell out of me and I just want to jump to end this nightmare once and for all **Note - Yes, I know. I am very, very aware that I want to end my life because of a fucking letter or number. Yes, I know how illogical, stupid and even absurd that sounds because even I find it stupid even though I personally find a big deal. So please be gentle**

_________________________________________


I just read a [study about the phenomenon regarding perfectionism among students](https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/01/perfectionism-has-become-a-hidden-epidemic-among-young-people?) and finally I feel that I am not alone in this but at the same time, it scares me because it is also real and I feel that I cannot do anything about it because that is how the system is designed

I will admit that I had become a victim of this mentality and to be perfectly honest, I am ashamed of it too because it is very hard to describe to others even though I know that sometimes it is not that big of a deal but in reality, **it really is**

When I want to do something *(mostly when it involves academics)*, I want to be not just 100% perfect, but 130% perfect like it is the best piece of work that was made by heavens and cannot be questioned and if I make a mistake that deducts my mark by at least 1%, I feel like the entire world is about to end.

I feel like this mostly because I feel that the education system has turned into a competition.

I often think of it as a gladiator match or some sort of Hunger Games type of scenario. 

It is funny that I am in love with the philosophy and idea of education because I see it as the catalyst for critical thinking and progress but I see that the education system does the opposite. It is also funny because I am one of those people who took education seriously ever since I was young *(at least, I was told that education is more important than anything even though I am lately learning that some things are just as important and prioritising solely on education will make you miss out on many things)* but it is **a heck of a lot of anxiety**. For many years instead of letting my anxiety to push me, it made me ""stunned"" for many years and I somehow ""conditioned"" myself to behave that way because the mentality of the importance of education was embedded deep inside my head ever since. Then, because of this strict mentality and anxiety, I got poor grades which further reinforced my anxiety and my lack of security and self-esteem because of said anxiety and continously reinforced my own self-beliefs that I am one of the worthless people ever *(not to mention that there were many repressed things that I had a lot of trouble facing and to this day, I still try to face them)*

**(heck, there are still many poor grades that I still feel ashamed for them even though I know that I was not able to get higher grades because: a. my childhood and adolescence were weird and full of traumas, b. my adulthood was full of mental distress because of those past traumas + a few new ones which I found it hard to face because of the poor mental health and those past traumas left me, c. the upbringing that I had was not the best one so it affected how I thought and functioned, e. the biggest problem is me. It was always, always, ALWAYS me. I am admitting it that I am a piece of fucking garbage. I am a pussy, a whiner, an incapable human being who ""take pleasure"" in disgusting himself rather than trying to face his fears and do something about it. And do you know the best part? I am a psychology student and I fucking know why I am doing this and yet, I do not have the balls to do it)**

Now do not get me wrong. I do understand the benefits of some aspects of the education system like grading because it provokes students to work hard. But because of the constantly changing world and constant exposure to so many stuff at the same time, it feels overwhelming that we have to keep up with everything and since we are mostly doing this for jobs that we want and some of these jobs opportunities are either limited or require further studies like Masters where space is often limited, we are often competing against each other

Heck, I cannot remember how many times I often compare grades with everyone else and I remember how much I really wanted to jump off of a building when I got a low grade despite my best efforts to do well and despite that I had to combat also my own struggles and mental health issues. But the education system and even capitalistic+ system, in general, are conditioning us to remove our moralities, your own humanities and be as cold and competitive as we can. It is like a Hunger Games match on steroids and I feel that I have way out but to survive and fight only I am more occupied on fighting against myself because **JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, IT IS FUCKING TERRIFYING!** *(not to mention that I have a lot of struggles that I have not managed to come to terms with)*

+*(I know that capitalistic focuses a lot on private ownership and it is a more business/economy oriented focus but I called it ""capitalistic"" because one of the main focuses of capitalism is the competition among the social classes and sometimes even each other to go higher up the capitalistic social class hirarchy. Get good or even excellent grades, then you get to become a doctor and even good pay. Do you not have good grades? Then you work as a janitor and internalize the mentality of a lower social class like the pathetic human being that you are)*

I do admit this, as much as I am aware that this is irrational, I often become paranoid of my own colleagues of whether they will use my own anxieties or insecurities regarding my academic work against me and use it to their advantage to get ahead in the race of grades, excellence or other categorisation stuff at university

Because of this capitalistic mentality and how the school system mostly makes us categorise our skills and even our sense of self-worth based on our grades *(which I know that it is BS to some degree becuase you can never know that a person could have gotten a higher mark if he was not so stressed during an exam or managed to sleep more because he was so distracted with his enormous amount of studies that he has to do in such a short time)*, this often scares me a lot and I even hate a lot of tough days in my past, sort of like mini-traumas, where I failed in some subjects despite my best efforts while others excelled. 

It felt like a humiliating feeling, to be honest. I know that this is not a big deal because I have been told that grades in school do not mean anything in the real world, but since I have been told and conditioned over and over again and to think that my self-worth as even as a human being is mostly dictated by a number, that makes me bite my nails a lot, even when I did something with so much effort and wanted to make it perfect.

It is a very very real feeling!!

There were even those days that I actually procrastinated **BECAUSE** if this mentality because I rather avoid it rather than experience the anxiety again that I wanted to make everything perfect or close to perfect but have little faith myself that I am able to do it.

To this day, I am still struggling to come to terms to when I had bad grades or my grades were not as good as I hoped because the struggle was too much or I had many things that were in my way and was not able to focus on my full potential. In the education system, you only have one chance to prove to yourself where mistakes are your end, no matter how small or how tedious they may be. I feel like I am constantly being judged *(or mostly judging myelf)* because of this, because of these past mistakes and my worries for my future despite my best efforts.
 
Sometimes the pressure can be too high that I end up doing nothing at all and end up quitting and letting my own insecurities turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy 

And this is all because of a fucking number or letter and the mentality that I internalized behind it. On one hand, I do understand it and I feel proud when I get an A *(even a B feels like a failure, for crying out loud)*, but I utterly fucking hate it!",4.7120201535508635,6.432641818298148,5.630760876519518,77.89178430902113,70.35636596289187,8.408976327575179,30.427431222008963,8.959647251330699,2.636573985924504,6514,272,1181,125,120,2138,472,1563,0.151,0.721,0.128,-0.9903,4,2,3,0,3,1,191.0,11,10,5,37,85,96,17,19,86,2,132,21,7,20,14,265,223,128,0,21,53,0,18,11,0,4,4,3,0,6,124,79,2,7,43,4,4,8,21,53,1,7,39,24,158,43,179,165,61,142,6,5,2,8,65,68,11,47,65,931,282,42,0.08168598721366495,0.0,0.026571246725073303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02820068251619205,0.0,0.06532425446243352,0.06796928508977035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580896547950736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672206073796643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02273479576581496,0.4481551766117545,0.09021575513541667,0.0,0.0,0.1714488079116409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02780350866201264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02880431443222719,0.04691016334197197,0.0,0.08827353269936611,0.0,0.02173987131361231,0.0,0.02990940709191704,0.07024093871959834,0.08421466599762648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027869689748278186,0.023827985960944004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022746053533358627,0.0,0.14469907797154902,0.0,0.0,0.2877483954972384,0.07388965204578563,0.0,0.02601815378624484,0.04894273210985373,0.026634856602333053,0.0,0.03063981522387878,0.17897918793960116,0.0778086474494323,0.02614378593284172,0.029827668737686306,0.04977300829790411,0.0,0.0,0.029854822911199917,0.0,0.17620721745333326,0.08535511370870018,0.0,0.015474676329279947,0.09135244067921187,0.043554497421141765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317459978040791,0.0806480008713265,0.027944463096367302,0.05788558973277064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028768576787714932,0.0,0.02704420554483997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030737845570563707,0.0,0.028419649321772492,0.05404049196997533,0.024202086226634462,0.0,0.0,0.14964160766503434,0.0,0.03071511718939227,0.0,0.02958402137253994,0.05568630421395359,0.019232409503550697,0.14632803985802573,0.02729027295564037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620418454911945,0.024574930898067768,0.05152883745740825,0.10905206153441473,0.22084471976530906,0.0,0.029659995714470175,0.0,0.0,0.2744008745404616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006479934959349,0.0,0.021000423040184797,0.026297611822854082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02612663593825653,0.0,0.0,0.02899763681344365,0.12915592430053752,0.04141724945836718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029485987970351936,0.10397135701007587,0.05663077830897392,0.047550035506377146,0.0,0.029888894706341262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02605415260997817,0.0,0.0,0.030502333465235194,0.028961034109548527,0.027236030867301024,0.09297653678764224,0.034886756732212705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168953318769655,0.0,0.025900693247682238,0.0,0.0817819234365646,0.05511372004463467,0.043395437259249485,0.0,0.1420271661928323,0.0,0.0,0.09009532365712546,0.0,0.0272483266189045,0.08326857700539513,0.0,0.06288586377333763,0.08078953005959927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697937987589882,0.0,0.03119034078837044,0.11386123968669745,0.06234060810562081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02047256547937851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235805363579846,0.05234108227091592,0.10700809026002064,0.021616516478111854,0.06350900806079482,0.0,0.0,0.0780544613587345,0.03025204580387998,0.0369729488727021,0.11846786315567075,0.0,0.05669199566699351,0.06550545659180769,0.04703364385952069,0.0,0.112332490499858,0.12848136445218772,0.06483853448047196,0.0,0.0,0.02448183753259086,0.0,0.024569632672596674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929116208928044,0.027652028382551604,0.0,0.0,0.029770267912346774,0.0,0.03506873172353907
suicidewatch,heckyheckler,2018/01/26,"Give me your gun so I can kill myself Abusing pills is too slow to die 
Somebody please give me a gun so I can shoot my head and die quickly ",-0.994032258064518,1.0557972580645192,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,92.54838709677419,3.1,17.427419354838708,3.1291,-1.1721032258064517,109,3,27,0,4,35,24,31,0.511,0.439,0.05,-0.9681,0,0,0,3,0,1,0.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,5,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.3301996254157054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784681439482002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346857131511323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860142174360286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083269032625943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059156584967042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sigh129,2018/01/26,"Please help urgently. Hello. Background: male pattern baldness since 12-13 Problem: I used to cover my balding head by growing hair a bit long. That can't be done anymore. I trimmed my hair short. Now. My school is very very inconsiderate. It doesn't gives a fuck. If I will wear a hat, at some point school teacher, or any one will ask why I am wearing a hat. I need a reason to call them off..Like what should I say?? I have thought of so far: ""I went to a doctor and he said to protect it from sunlight"" Or ""I went to doctor, and my hair has been irregularly cut from the middle) (See the 1st image https://www.wikihow.com/Break-in-a-Baseball-Cap My hair which is small, is visible from the sides above the ear. That might also make them think I am wearing a hat just for small hair). I can't just say ""I am wearing a hat because my hair is small"" Please give me a reason to call them off when they come and ask me to take my hat off. So that I don't have to take it off. I just can't. Please note the school is not good. They will do anything to point out that gets you out of the crowd. If I go as it is, with my hair, it will be even worse. Any reason, please. Try to keep it related to a medical condition or anything just enough so that they won't trouble me.

Please give me any reason that can get me through. Please",1.2680695698353688,3.458541286245353,2.2816927774827427,95.81534851301113,82.23420074349444,5.032448220924056,20.01606479022836,6.18269132825596,-0.17556303770578865,1022,28,233,8,28,322,133,269,0.052000000000000005,0.848,0.1,0.8587,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,6,0,11,5,2,0,16,0,30,19,15,6,0,31,52,14,0,5,10,0,7,0,0,7,3,4,0,1,14,7,0,2,6,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,6,12,35,1,27,37,3,23,0,0,1,1,22,15,1,7,3,145,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897812533992984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596915762345908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554182351810596,0.0,0.0,0.1419610991175471,0.0,0.16127364002412814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052580272567385435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941681652061917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761520820553139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430108051014828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657137935624365,0.0,0.0882688543291252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912451505704516,0.0,0.05697064126766997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974139575820208,0.09012939803528147,0.24823108568995564,0.04902072770151993,0.0723466362739309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852255692225748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781493598454045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666744385985866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633299723542815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575759098285955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689287958818907,0.0,0.0915029680155281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395702016748825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844864826205636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680928004652355,0.16307778818527252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253442549689917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35473819272649804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204829645275727,0.1371869416823254,0.0,0.2618841201040698,0.06873410041375147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135106147292453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970611292428222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526874761941706,0.0,0.06847686798617822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856151109220915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449666149350445,0.0,0.14233888481164356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991857481774638,0.07783175863205742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790125602769659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Murphyeyed,2018/01/26,"I'm fucking lost I don't know what this feeling is. It's a mixture of dread, fear, hopelessness, regret, all the negativity packed into a dark hot ball dragging me , I feel like I'm sinking in water or floating or drowning, I don't know. I don't want to feel like this. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. Just at the tipping point. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, emptiness is all there is. Writing helps a little. 
There is no reason for this, I haven't faced any huge trauma lately. 
Am I too sensitive? Why am I so weak? I'm exhausted just thinking about everything. 

I have 2 major exams comming up, one is a an entrance exam for law, and the other for graduating from college. I'm so unprepared it's not even a joke anymore. I sit around all day doing nothing. 

 My mind is numb. I pick up the books but my mind wanders, the words leave the page and get lost along the way. I make schedules and alot times for each task but the day goes on and nothing gets done. 

Life is like a montage in a movie, except in mine nothing happens, I have nothing to fill it with,  I watch Netflix , read, cook, cycle, idle around the house like it's around vacation. The pressure just keeps building . 

I'm a worthless  ungrateful piece of shit. My parents will hate me for not putting effort into my future , im a bad role model for my brother, i disgust myself.
It's not that I don't want to. God all I want to do us study, I want to be the person everyone sees in me.
I don't see what they see, i see broken pieces, that are scattered and lost and distracted.

I've tried everything I could think of, I don't know what to do. There isn't any time left. I'm touchy and nervy and loose my temper at the drop of a hat nowadays. I'm hurting the people around me, I'm making my own life hell and I don't know how to stop. 

I don't know what to do to make it better, it hurts, everything, I blame myself for everything, what can one do if not kill themselves. I'm nothing and I will never be anything.  So why waste the time, money and love of people. The world would be better off without my sorry ass. ",1.4112313139260415,3.3112710852534555,3.057186692143421,91.99776610093292,80.08294930875577,5.5244689221085785,22.566932673935035,6.4673359150291105,0.4284445993031363,1617,52,351,14,41,534,208,434,0.239,0.669,0.092,-0.9967,1,0,0,0,0,1,62.0,1,0,1,7,17,34,7,4,30,0,36,12,3,6,6,72,79,20,2,8,14,2,5,5,0,3,5,0,0,1,18,20,2,2,12,6,1,2,18,25,0,2,5,10,44,9,46,67,13,39,1,9,5,3,9,23,4,4,16,221,62,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102390572703061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466089300852054,0.0,0.0,0.061951814894054526,0.2680727101919915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628584855377546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331640801225634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010766054974322,0.0,0.0,0.09710311621323484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770410451637917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049723968666765817,0.0,0.0,0.07193650474533396,0.2706394242724052,0.0,0.0,0.0847147430735065,0.1522621747203637,0.16134740523268554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959828037559983,0.07866492748088551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657285259594084,0.0,0.0,0.0743267610382743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046086899144248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686692359589622,0.16118485074525415,0.0,0.08131897921806036,0.0,0.0,0.06691533553813117,0.08328991617988737,0.0,0.20686890984528994,0.0,0.08492294232715061,0.07971423928343385,0.08179562283073646,0.0,0.10634976861792628,0.1838983066855157,0.07545373380845956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287228504605533,0.0,0.06794619816951489,0.0,0.15075674097610728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520295247710315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058063190958727535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611822125414656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202794597808362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835932947110115,0.08152457437896557,0.0,0.10438404625796796,0.06573455178540909,0.0,0.0,0.07116713670003602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568059973222632,0.0,0.0,0.07530376212802146,0.0,0.0,0.07740386270694567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399644574301977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727731734071573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427359086197504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294028448343263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647711220125713,0.0,0.0,0.17559339902711066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111247965326897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055664801729868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761637431184815,0.059756450331496985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586309865519916,0.0,0.0,0.07257050086222057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053479159825105455,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somesuch99,2018/01/26,"I'm mediocre at everything, even stuff I used to be passionate about I can't even enjoy doing stuff I loved anymore because all I can think about is how shit I am at everything. I'm not invested in anything now, I just do things because I need to. What's the point of going on when I'm just passing by life. I have no value as a person. I can't even be a good friend, my insecurities hurt others and drive them away. I just want to go away.",3.639929078014184,3.8283988085106415,5.332765957446809,84.73333333333333,71.55319148936171,8.394326241134753,27.368794326241137,8.344100000000001,1.6128709219858155,344,11,77,5,6,118,64,94,0.177,0.675,0.14800000000000002,-0.428,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,11,8,1,1,3,0,10,4,1,2,1,11,20,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,12,5,14,18,1,13,0,1,0,2,4,7,1,0,2,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831077498319985,0.0,0.0,0.1519384106745712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469402647596036,0.0,0.0,0.22510287948980304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658479150891973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33187505531639017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264810886297735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986401213793476,0.15486260674849409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976549846758581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041276391215811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663978898617068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369040963494277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612156696581113,0.0,0.0,0.1745392231196949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895245974314409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227245164220183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266291652388255,0.11830629271635802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946487338073198,0.0,0.0,0.10890217529895094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Erintonsus,2018/01/26,I'm killing myself in April. I just need to make it till then. I just want to see some friends one last time before I go. I'm defective and can't be aloud to exist anymore.,-0.07105263157894726,1.8189568947368429,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,85.3157894736842,4.852631578947369,20.026315789473685,5.985473137389443,-0.25186315789473657,134,4,33,1,4,44,30,38,0.184,0.705,0.111,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,1,5,8,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672217395984501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150839907591722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860801180460877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044064952769972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40966383709202064,0.0,0.0,0.3018304783007472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471671154139605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745605276986761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509136865363553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950680133482293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159152899677396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840280543028967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Koggom,2018/01/26,just thinking Ive had this nagging feeling inside my head sense I was a kid. ive always wanted to die and many times felt like no one would care I never talked to my family about it well because they were they best they could be supportive and loving so being depressed felt Taboo like I must be crazy to think about self harm or suicide or I'm just looking for attention. Fast forward to 2017 I'm in Korea for my job I go to a drinking cruise and get so drunk I try to jump off the boat and try to kill my self (First ever attempt) I stopped drinking but when I moved to Texas for my job it got worse and I'm thinking about buying a gun almost every day I don't because I'm scared I don't want my family to think they are to blame for anything. I just spend every day wishing ill smoke my last cig and just drop dead. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared of my self and to be honest it would be way to easy I don't live with anyone and could do it on a Saturday and no one would notice will Monday when my work would try to find out where I'm at.,1.53767505720824,2.8713638521739138,3.0345308924485117,94.86728832951948,77.86956521739131,5.711670480549199,20.366132723112127,6.05967700443912,-0.11708695652173914,826,19,194,5,19,271,123,230,0.192,0.6809999999999999,0.127,-0.9462,2,0,3,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,4,4,15,14,2,2,5,0,25,6,1,0,3,44,49,16,4,10,8,0,3,2,0,6,1,0,0,4,6,11,3,2,10,4,2,5,7,6,1,3,6,4,27,8,28,30,1,26,0,1,1,1,10,7,0,3,16,120,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607306463173592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814180645752281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740683497384523,0.0,0.08717092960136533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914724574221378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116644543459564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800215643574966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691521275121603,0.0,0.0,0.13663149210354175,0.0,0.0912368989312784,0.0,0.10993806772998092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754110939033094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095819271914242,0.17850029756022429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972175725977764,0.0,0.053561123819366084,0.0,0.20341780997542885,0.0,0.096817618246425,0.09010355468778128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055343776992325615,0.0,0.060202160028904814,0.0,0.08472147552336255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871419882729198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023731135891116,0.0,0.1171952659052344,0.0,0.05821606746363639,0.08634665782035937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350357853636877,0.0,0.0935376644094703,0.0,0.08895407738046135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560548415642332,0.0,0.0,0.10739585822300377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258626451219547,0.0,0.0,0.08169933907746764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060140585896445,0.0,0.0,0.1435611032773952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210776184416627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315226246670299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856178171984036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586964921440007,0.12020750939607043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514209697967164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715013134069107,0.0,0.0,0.061768326929699365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575747408978266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249598941343828,0.08408188418664575,0.0,0.0,0.09524331686020236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218136649112032,0.0,0.0,0.07711791716031982,0.0,0.10795118167854216,0.3009970303034222,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JasonOnex,2018/01/26,"I've let myself down and I've let my dad down. I've been depressed for a good portion of my life 10 years or so 7 of which i have been suicidal and as the years go on it only gets worse I'm currently only holding it together for the people that care for me and there's one thing i have to do before i take any actions.

On to why the title, I lived my life in the hopes to just make my dad proud of me, just to hear him say that he's proud of me would make me the happiest I've been in years and he said it to me ""I'm proud of you and your brother for not changing who you are for anyone and always being yourself"" I was very drunk at the time, but those words were real and he meant it I've never been happier.

But i managed to fuck it up within 10mins, now my dad is very anti drugs and I've never told him i smoked weed out of respect for him and my mother. I proceeded to then accept weed from someone tell my dad i smoked weed before and got high in front of him. WHY WHY DID I DO THAT FUCK

I can't get it out of my head, the way he talks to me now, he knows how fucking useless i am, he knows i'm not the person he once thought i was. And now i have more regrets to add fuel to the fire, once i have done what i need to I'm ending it, 3 more years that's all i have to wait then it's off to the cold waters of the ocean.",1.058760437661963,1.8244292152317882,3.1282205585948764,96.0215159804204,78.03973509933775,6.0468758997984455,19.752951338900086,6.046907544983943,-0.27310123812266074,1021,20,262,6,23,348,144,302,0.122,0.8059999999999999,0.073,-0.9591,1,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,3,8,14,3,0,12,0,24,9,1,3,3,40,49,19,1,4,7,6,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,17,14,2,2,5,1,0,3,5,6,0,1,14,5,39,8,43,31,4,33,0,3,0,3,28,14,3,2,15,167,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618928801409332,0.0,0.0,0.07861264037680063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083090320090107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967358637823181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786291827985135,0.0,0.12229052402025348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956696715811908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829995316615613,0.0,0.0,0.1340604527158419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238816892068403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32061376989527485,0.12079349672661957,0.0,0.06569870919177903,0.09696062952196902,0.09245667564146168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863997122930865,0.0,0.13029072240894354,0.0,0.0,0.12213879760840166,0.0,0.11481787131478008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270625666835235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364196981357936,0.16330480226461425,0.0,0.0,0.10207779603863827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432912295031892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571667263573228,0.1783172270441453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462225726363747,0.07833422564027663,0.17583953097229313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014317405324596,0.10093832944606734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157924000241505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996301811658822,0.09193055069863014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979483474877196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644872516592995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691756113143387,0.09291570047918518,0.10104036449995993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680016406072825,0.0,0.0,0.09177427686468788,0.06740786952276527,0.0,0.0,0.11046170420218553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076585433129647,0.0,0.0917586886387966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312935750814674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780728944945244,0.08211962972756717,0.0,0.0,0.29777300128338324
suicidewatch,gabegee,2018/01/26,"I contacted the suicide hotline but left because I felt like I was wasting someone's time, who could be helping someone who actually deserved help. I just feel so worthless. It sounds dumb but the person seemed so bored with my problems and showed little interest. I truly feel like I deserve no help. I skipped school today to call, but I just feel terrible now. I feel like I am truly better off dead. Like the quality of this planet would improve if I was gone. I am crying like a toddler at my computer right now. I hate myself.",3.676960784313728,5.857350421568627,4.679019607843138,81.7022549019608,74.19607843137254,6.886274509803924,30.94117647058824,7.793537801064563,2.328952941176472,421,20,74,6,9,137,69,102,0.29600000000000004,0.413,0.29100000000000004,-0.5925,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,2,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,17,15,7,2,4,6,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,6,16,7,5,8,0,10,0,1,0,0,8,5,1,2,9,48,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.16427381504601174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026174135834976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888147156627418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189213915445475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440436710583412,0.0,0.1849116249452122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34046743859732265,0.2405217092810897,0.16163108563820378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619913643301001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33850067187987776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289996346629755,0.0,0.0,0.4112077445011609,0.16871911575905454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698643648577886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107693746238064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375991607543362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703672610244262,0.0,0.15324878886110554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852648470783982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413468513207892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815936707713792,0.0,0.15956494482644135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958263828445995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RepresentativeYak,2018/01/26,"I wish I never existed. I'm a university student about to fail another semester that haven't attended at all. The university is eventually going to throw me out and I'll have to explain to my parents how I could have failed the same courses that I attended last year. 

I feel like a terrible person for wasting my parents trust and money. They're trying to support me and I'm sitting lazily in front of a computer most of the day and night.

I've had some passive suicidal thougths for a year now (like getting hit by a car, an accident etc.), but the last three weeks I'm almost constantly thinking about killing myself. My family would probably be devastated, so I wont. It would probably be better if I never existed. It's not like I'll ever do anything but being an utter disappointment.

Sorry about the post being so badly written.",4.8204451345755714,6.389836422360251,6.719518633540372,70.78354296066253,69.86956521739131,10.087163561076606,33.91356107660455,10.317481424215053,4.0151610766045565,668,33,113,19,12,233,104,161,0.208,0.6990000000000001,0.093,-0.9719,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,8,12,1,0,12,0,14,0,0,1,4,25,26,10,2,5,4,2,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,6,5,6,0,1,2,1,13,6,16,15,5,23,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,4,15,80,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526139311339535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258471640865813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759393740424074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946128669104318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713019814438282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755527872694395,0.0,0.12379577726358608,0.0,0.0,0.09999520557272036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729230888723195,0.0,0.14025269936497528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616848478388772,0.0,0.07839855226004089,0.11076861782985292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100785949588461,0.0,0.08811917772880848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154119487274136,0.0,0.0,0.2527748666528794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22725057277599864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23917010874815706,0.0,0.0,0.14550506031365248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34433204680157503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538473893213152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849620231801686,0.0,0.3343428650594768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356713916552874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960086162350546,0.17595027952026862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993505568497113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526959606603238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124372730840191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830124339316186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028786671787234,0.0,0.0,0.1996957957449075
suicidewatch,dukeofnyorks,2018/01/26,"Just to cheer me up Hi. can anyone spare a couple of minutes to just talk?
im feeling really really down. to the point of where I am sick with this life and just want to end it. Usually i talk it out with my friend. but she’s busy so I’m stuck here right now. looking for someone to talk to

I appreciate those that took some to show some kind of sympathy or interest in talking to me, It maybe not be much but I always just feel better once I talk to someone, you helped me in a lot of ways thank you. 

I have to go to sleep and get back to my shitty job
thank you!",-0.3798257839721266,1.6261331138211403,1.9388675958188168,96.8101829268293,87.78048780487805,5.465505226480834,16.915795586527295,6.868970318607317,-0.2257033681765388,435,10,106,6,14,147,80,123,0.073,0.725,0.202,0.9401,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,19,15,6,0,1,8,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,15,7,24,12,4,15,0,0,1,0,12,8,0,4,4,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237929148669945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402710452649706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143989734872806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157960655387416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646169693882073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177070067020982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045045949555605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149433786328813,0.0,0.07772892057675944,0.0,0.08455239540454551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972090494898513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070278533110302,0.0,0.1476364657868787,0.0,0.0,0.15492651461859228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508434931524177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249337286221644,0.0,0.0,0.1264833857819857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946472177084233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936691709317688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844077132705872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064068685696351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061845216257872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705323903923915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888268015238154,0.0,0.25211355011035136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5978994977871992,0.0,0.2739444982903424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529476185335526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638549041490631,0.0,0.0877514890951388,0.1180908577814331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinaponpalabas,2018/01/26,"I don't see the point in living anymore. I have become extremely disillusioned with my life.

I don't see a reason to exist.

I try to think that killing myself would just be bringing pain upon the ones left that still love me, but I can't. I'm numb to it.

I don't like this numbness, but I don't like feeling extreme chest pains either.

I just want to end it all.

I don't care anymore.",0.9267073170731701,2.8242820975609746,2.797743902439024,93.26051829268292,81.6829268292683,5.0756097560975615,21.22560975609756,5.985473137389443,0.06245853658536583,300,9,67,2,8,100,53,82,0.287,0.634,0.079,-0.9471,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,3,0,9,7,1,1,1,12,18,2,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,0,3,12,4,7,16,2,7,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,4,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005018776390919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300539551036966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058714692197428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884168383113802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020971026658457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233951837050796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193872803170887,0.0,0.14262246372107273,0.1972963733873188,0.0,0.17829955470210174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224118979010176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682659786569584,0.0,0.4297154266830285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190880196619866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760796651007352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218090887168741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125402083058712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938254228151005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709080649214794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909797844774092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343857313675232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuspiciousFinance,2018/01/26,"Please help Please help me & tell me how I can make my suicide easier on my family, the date I’ve planned is Saturday night/Sunday morning. I don’t think they’ll be too surprised but if there is anything you can tell me I can do that might make it easier on them?",5.565833333333337,4.6636043928571445,6.229285714285716,83.64904761904764,67.57142857142857,10.323809523809524,29.380952380952376,9.725611199111238,2.273388095238096,210,6,47,4,3,69,40,56,0.048,0.7090000000000001,0.243,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,3,0,7,13,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,1,2,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567569786285582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950061816074113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339429810635808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31767209401180524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163587320199676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513878028470077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238036378191114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202439659222271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592068016346638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142445830698166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184085643859382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Han-Burger,2018/01/26,"I can't do it anymore Have you ever used a suicide hotline? They don't actually know what to do. They don't know how to deal with people like us. I've even been to the hospital, waited 8 hours to be told to go home. If I can figure out what I did with that rope you'll never hear from me again. ",0.34090909090908994,1.8216558181818208,2.824242424242424,94.40636363636366,81.72727272727272,5.612121212121212,18.575757575757574,6.42735559955562,-0.2414060606060601,228,5,56,2,6,79,49,66,0.07400000000000001,0.885,0.041,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,2,12,18,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,9,1,9,13,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2549819107635783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591300407294452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693791108432594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172579961297519,0.2363522853510164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849745590463373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944934694109028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620957522714126,0.0,0.25731858458976936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871969346937665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276533772400909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152340042730985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811459859932602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858094811986727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24967434293164634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31430039132222315,0.22567116450274766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Backsacker,2018/01/26,"I just want to stop I don't have any feelings of self worth, but I know there are others that value me. I know there are people who rely on and care about me, but sometimes I really wish they didn't.

I just so desperately want to give up and die, but I can't. People need me, people want me around, and I don't resent them for it, but I'm just so tired.

I really don't want to go on, but I have to, because the thought of my actions making someone close to me's life worse is unacceptable. So I have to keep going, regardless of how much I hate it or how much I want to die.

Because what I want doesn't matter, because I don't matter. Of course, people will tell me that I do matter, but here's the problem, I don't want to. I just want to die with minimal impact and be forgotten. But that's not realistic, so I have to keep going no matter how badly I want to stop.

And now I feel shitty for complaining. I'm sorry, I'm just so tired.",3.10631299734748,3.1880528029556636,5.090147783251233,86.38144372868511,72.69458128078819,8.019552860932171,23.4971580143994,7.882392219407189,0.9259415687760508,721,16,167,9,13,251,90,203,0.318,0.565,0.117,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,2,0,19,6,2,0,2,0,18,3,0,4,0,53,46,21,3,13,14,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,8,0,4,6,0,1,4,10,5,0,0,2,2,30,1,23,42,2,12,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,115,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741193186392679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702732439457452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910050211803408,0.19932428081577866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112613892455334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393541404405204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022077860171137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455649833702696,0.18583055615866784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076085178426955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937568643546028,0.0,0.0,0.11979995611391002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698533350589258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275400867116236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602455292685209,0.08081730039003457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30224948181070616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042920611440954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964805613526948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370399277566735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923498402144305,0.0,0.1077973600460604,0.12200930161976305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224689549897388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526512448766948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652866558378068,0.0,0.2505439930111669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785847205491802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533714785486078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107368971300027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blanco9000,2018/01/26,"Hi! I feel like there is something intrinsically wrong with me as a human being! Nothing I ever do is the right thing to do! Everyone can make mistakes (unless it's me making the mistakes in which case they cast me out)! My friends plan trips (without me) to the same place I'm going by myself, and I find them there! I've been involved in several high speed car accidents and swear I should be dead by now, but the thing is, I feel like I have died in one of them and that I'm in Hell already!

I've been trying to drink myself to death for a few years, and have had a few weekends where I drink literally gallons of vodka, but I always come back alive, stronger than ever!

No one ever values me as a human, just as some kind of human shaped stepping stone, on which they progress further into... well, I dunno, I never made it that far! But they sure seem happy!",4.588228840125392,4.935749097701152,5.362998955067923,84.7864420062696,69.51724137931035,7.476698014629049,26.73772204806688,6.980632752743323,1.148650574712644,669,19,138,5,11,218,109,174,0.153,0.6809999999999999,0.166,0.5451,0,0,4,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,5,2,10,11,1,0,8,0,14,2,0,3,5,32,24,11,3,3,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,8,2,0,4,4,0,5,3,4,1,2,4,2,23,7,24,17,4,28,1,0,0,0,11,14,1,3,11,102,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916335183868386,0.0,0.12755259476861047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787335262963895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204890372287628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909460409759354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30033882998132433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159886410107996,0.0,0.14647864938440044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550197482093897,0.21902602472211724,0.0,0.0,0.14010761661209714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843429175124667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871203124939646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318393818427293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619631549262241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596317443473272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978306595648067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505015569359578,0.20464940002251503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822951115976488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708938907175625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077514855530097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601592346856982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091193733198286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955277932313453,0.0,0.17317818830585668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801293904975625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447744855693326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036829756586947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407632415285108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378293988760301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776960583613893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760253903632896,0.0,0.0987160830220704
suicidewatch,silencedalarms,2018/01/26,"gonna die anyways so might as well get it over it? life at this point for me is going fucking nowhere, if anything its going reverse, I'm being forced to move back into an abusive environment i chose to run from and there's no way out of it other than the streets or death. i've also been extremely suicidal for the past 4 years straight and it just keeps getting worse, it's gotten to the point i have so much anxiety and depression i can barely even handle doing anything socially/publicly and it's destroying me, I quit my job and just been in bed really for the past 2 years. i dont really have any ambition, dreams or whatever and everything is so pointless because i just forget good moments instantly and sink right back into my mind at the end of the day. you might tell me to hold on but for what really? i have like 3 friends and no family and don't tell me im important because tbh i dont contribute to society in anyway, like what's the point of living through a embarassing and pointless life to just be constantly depressed until I die?and the worst part is i cant get my mind off of these thoughts because nothing exists me anymore and i just see through all that society really is and it makes me feel lifeless, what if the afterlife is everything i've ever needed? not like this hell is gonna benefit me in anyway",5.268942945599292,5.8718930150375925,6.216112339672713,78.36526536930563,68.09774436090225,10.018222025652367,32.940291906236176,10.056822442137396,3.294910039805396,1066,46,204,25,17,354,150,266,0.159,0.741,0.101,-0.9482,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,18,13,3,0,11,0,21,3,0,1,2,39,37,23,3,3,11,0,1,3,1,4,2,0,1,0,16,15,0,2,2,1,0,4,7,6,1,0,4,2,22,7,31,27,4,34,1,2,1,1,4,17,2,6,15,143,38,1,0.0,0.1247983826824652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423206352043026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162775730001637,0.0,0.08057687526754524,0.0,0.1044586856589957,0.0,0.0,0.1733546143704387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198396091989312,0.0,0.1926238863548992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382390621513708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792889479549652,0.0,0.18144050433917516,0.0,0.2186310438940588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468910734473265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932907847731842,0.0,0.0,0.06956922430711718,0.09527667657045076,0.0,0.0,0.18932695155264492,0.0,0.0992953968986148,0.0,0.05325782349353366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137740744037036,0.09737554158817442,0.16509114613407586,0.0,0.119722507076657,0.08834549260485032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377407027907308,0.0,0.10452340075862587,0.09362181081796277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879485902611794,0.15437620395800727,0.0,0.09300798911384593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030834297146983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347617527176192,0.2127057914661068,0.0,0.0,0.1119487227976869,0.07742939418210804,0.07810058273947851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106661649810113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406172020422944,0.20109809182011573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987116251456346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203102208242002,0.0,0.0,0.2699074210586927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995092473258162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393407451331926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521351469266496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841254706932377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361995727583148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360575409355027,0.0,0.0,0.09470398297440707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733988702595948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565765101001484
suicidewatch,throwwyvay,2018/01/26,"No-one else believes in me. Why should I? You know... fuck it. I don't care and I can't bring myself to care. 

Too much failure. I was a high achiever but flew too close to the sun. No friends left. Little family left.

Rejection sucks, but that's all I am now.

I don't want to believe the world is better off without me but it keeps telling me it is.",-1.3789090909090902,0.6352018000000008,0.7570909090909126,101.77854545454548,97.66666666666666,3.793939393939394,17.484848484848484,5.565023196281405,-0.6695333333333333,265,8,65,2,11,87,53,75,0.242,0.66,0.098,-0.8301,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,3,7,2,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,11,17,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,11,4,6,14,2,11,0,1,0,1,3,8,2,0,1,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562976471093896,0.0,0.17909531827951816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129257005964904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916326096079973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089953678359495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564514556589007,0.18720853497583945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395299432817425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999183120481368,0.0,0.0,0.11128902994494988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400349731326684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295879278205425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886123571157214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176994443666355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944009623224415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827252880333724,0.0,0.0,0.1952033451913016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xxninja117xx69,2018/01/26,"I want to kill myself have only despair and hopeless left in me, I think I'm ugly, unloved and a waste. I've thought about suicide and now it's start to make more sense on why I should kill myself. If you only get pain in life and nothing els then why not kill yourself, sure family and friends will miss me but they're also the problem and talking about it is gonna make it worse and the friends I have will just get another person to replace me, like the girl I liked completely denied me and the person who she likes(my best friend) he just acts all nice and supportive because he has to or he'll look like a bad guy. So why not just end it even if there is no afterlife and just a void it's still better than this",4.7071333333333385,4.64979598,4.991333333333333,88.96233333333332,69.2,8.0,28.66666666666667,7.3871296695380915,1.3662666666666667,567,18,126,5,9,179,96,150,0.243,0.5770000000000001,0.18,-0.7731,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,1,0,2,12,21,3,0,7,0,8,2,0,2,2,29,22,17,4,5,10,0,0,3,3,5,2,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,1,1,13,11,10,16,3,10,0,3,1,0,14,4,0,3,8,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694072532505998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022349068186604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165571973170506,0.08151819810171823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033730675588274,0.11826988099772776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020928664136845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844164529304906,0.0,0.0,0.08832483732160266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606507928185845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099493926550436,0.0,0.13973275080331202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240987758792708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44384439704038003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529381450947393,0.0,0.09445470931050877,0.19599547410107612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229625626442293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852643944662225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283138133240096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034094717725646,0.14229401405155245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335289699727969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795783131868016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465203201551488,0.0,0.10679384765426256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627466446307127,0.15175080982869207,0.1260352801833973,0.0,0.0,0.10748398525259337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568629444625836,0.0,0.10616359743530436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887512696282564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620010552803036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627833505565135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beameupls,2018/01/26,"Tired of being abandoned... I’m not sure this is the right sub for this but I hope it is. I’m not feeling like I’m going to definitely commit suicide any time soon consciously, but I do feel like I’m going to numb myself until I’m gone. I’ve recently felt urges to drink again after giving it up a year ago. I don’t feel psychically addicted to alcohol, I actually hate feeling sick after drinking it. But recently things have been so bad in my life I know drinking will suppress memories at least.
I’ve been depressed for over a decade now, with highs and lows. My mother was abusive, my first and second real relationship were not only emotionally abusive but also sexually. I’ve tried medication so far and talking to a doctor, but the side effects were pretty brutal. My current boyfriend finally admitted that he can’t deal with my mental illness. He doesn’t know if I’ll ever get better and frankly neither do I. I want to be better, of course, but the trauma I have is so deep. It’s more than just being sad, I have constant flashbacks of abuse that I have little control over. I’ve lost friends to my mental illness and I’ve given up everything to be in this relationship. I feel so hopeless knowing the last person I have doesn’t want to deal with me anymore. I just need a little love and support. I’m starting to have thoughts of killing myself because I don’t think I’ll ever get better and I’m tired of dragging everyone I love down with me. I’m tired of losing those I love because of scars that other people made on me. I just need someone to hold my hand.",3.930833333333332,5.449926773162943,5.292416134185307,80.34722910010653,72.0031948881789,7.516986155484559,29.33559637912673,8.07648339933343,2.0974516506922254,1252,51,233,18,24,419,162,313,0.277,0.5760000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.9946,1,0,4,0,1,4,29.0,0,0,0,8,13,25,3,0,8,0,26,19,1,3,4,53,66,20,2,6,13,1,7,2,1,1,12,0,0,1,13,11,4,4,14,3,0,3,9,13,0,2,11,7,29,12,37,50,3,39,0,7,0,3,15,17,0,2,21,148,42,1,0.0,0.309071578720335,0.0848525744885514,0.09479047601790704,0.0,0.0,0.07707767024623177,0.0929252063880368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953545468445879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913031764533056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623298420413812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260125846411501,0.10601022113569783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070583986566634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396418349303576,0.0975240219867494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792873149317727,0.07489159970740805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899902024947487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25553946708008085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097809256772787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730606016896434,0.0,0.08308632843029817,0.07814681909723456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198276296074171,0.12423700178370488,0.08348752191540512,0.09525162705279047,0.0,0.07396129667860155,0.0,0.0,0.06717887216470877,0.0,0.09085762539840923,0.08341224760364238,0.09883361059437283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858470633324302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186952460554736,0.0,0.08636292038611135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619946583661336,0.0,0.1433595772794761,0.07087745648200629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141674407977396,0.0849606755910088,0.17429742328170605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727700694842943,0.09491834087783124,0.0,0.23543262867808235,0.08227605132538485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759495653485097,0.17525425801490258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894755998928167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613088729217917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028154398782847,0.07592310160461617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846140780483612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897037193486807,0.0,0.0,0.17170915018018776,0.18670773825552145,0.0,0.07425650268024732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367411744502693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615450480909022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511133640939333,0.0986720590130524,0.08195119761154263,0.0,0.0,0.06988869547236308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577670216183773,0.05571530795621757,0.0,0.06903014727235854,0.05070238981379351,0.29981547650852985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059034676293942365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025730431504612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599421437727843
suicidewatch,jcjr423,2018/01/26,Pointless Everything seems meaningless. If i had a gun in front of me I wouldn’t even think twice honestly. ,1.5584999999999989,3.8590918500000058,2.2900000000000027,87.55000000000004,105.5,8.0,25.0,8.07648339933343,2.8414999999999995,87,4,16,3,4,27,19,20,0.249,0.61,0.141,-0.3182,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191326585667365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703176176888729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776958050208862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066118374294312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LarryBooker,2018/01/26,"Anyone else feel like they're holding out on doing things cause if they do do everything there's no reason to live anymore? Personally... About 5 months ago I made a bucket list of things to do before I attempt suicide again. And tbh... Im approaching the end of the list, and I'm scared. I'm scared of dying. But terrified of depression (which I have a serious case of). So... I mean... I guess this is soon to be goodbye? I got... Nothing and no one. Nothing but an incomplete bucket list that is. But remember this: I love you all ❤️. And thanks for listening to me rant ladies and gentlemen ",0.6234294871794859,3.1196697350427343,2.591789529914532,89.5051201923077,90.96581196581195,6.343803418803419,21.842414529914528,7.6454224807358475,1.286795299145299,457,17,93,10,16,152,80,117,0.16,0.736,0.104,-0.1803,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,1,1,1,5,7,0,2,5,0,8,1,0,3,1,20,18,10,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,2,10,3,13,15,1,8,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,3,6,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525756789754108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369911878902566,0.12246710731488332,0.17945916948476315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903750415006398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992458649124776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508541655369614,0.0,0.1817753087009688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631314584599486,0.0,0.15512857551298567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741115466004782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855976840114117,0.12512530982190329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008134475025916,0.0,0.19294456462603976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918920551068394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556815363679789,0.0,0.1546583287688827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807733167298632,0.16572866803297048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078682253158644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398009526892552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361172336021397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868438478377785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293192003227274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800806580431446,0.0,0.0,0.19840781727752374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35070612648743504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915827855620634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125215838291365,0.0,0.0,0.2327202483547408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NutellaManatee,2018/01/26,"Please. God. Let me meet her. Please God, let me meet her. All I want to is to find that perfect girl I know exists. She’s sweet and shy and my age and likes all the things I do, perhaps even is on this site itself. The girl who won’t secretly think I’m a loser, the girl I can cuddle with (even if only possible online) and spent nights talking to and laughing and sharing happiness. Someone who can reciprocate the love I put in, the girl who I can make feel safe and secure unconditionally and can fill this gaping, empty void in my heart.Please, just let me find this person. I’ll change everything about me if that’s what it takes Please, I just can’t take the loneliness anymore.",2.301055586749019,4.4389430583941625,3.3345985401459863,89.92532285233017,78.27007299270073,6.259180235822573,20.75743964065132,7.321109707123232,0.5039650758001115,537,14,113,7,13,172,83,137,0.065,0.669,0.266,0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,7,0,12,2,0,1,3,25,22,10,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,12,9,0,2,6,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,16,9,8,17,2,8,0,1,0,2,17,4,0,2,3,71,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940599462359785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870263641824802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856880899571352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263337357910614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107556263766471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569537828709709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963758300279026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657412766731808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725266862369531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312218713877172,0.0,0.06867457733237678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686839059951133,0.0,0.09383044043145804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191383935403805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069085362566507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273882890384867,0.0,0.6172071830305602,0.0,0.15846965208496538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130997975308662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910307540936148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137975480664176,0.1129834853239716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933873410444529,0.09007049904488684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291083298305403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nacionale_E,2018/01/26,"What's the fucking point? No really? What's the fucking point? Look I know you guys get these posts daily, weekly, monthly, hell fucking yearly. But I just don't understand what the point is continuing this cycle of madness. Being happy, being sad, being mad, being suicidal, having invading thoughts. ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter how hard we fucking try no matter how hard we fucking overcome our fears . IT'S JUST THE SAME BULLSHIT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look I'm, very sorry for the annoying and angry text, but I honest to god don't see the point. It's one fucking bullshit after another. What fucking god created such a world IF he does exist? Why create this never ending madness of suffering and constant psychotic conditioning? Why!? WHY!? JUST FUCKING WHY!?

I wish I had the courage to end it all. To go into the abyss and be one with the stillness. But I'm too much of a coward, weather its caused by my religious conditioning or simply my animalistic desire to survive. I wish, I WISH I could just end it all. But i'm stuck here like the rest of you in this trap...in this cycle of seeking happiness and suffering.

But maybe one day...",1.9336649831649808,4.6486923227272765,3.732323232323232,82.81644781144784,84.86363636363637,6.16835016835017,24.511784511784512,7.526774132740827,1.6388249158249155,901,36,160,16,27,301,120,220,0.206,0.607,0.187,0.7856,0,0,0,0,0,0,110.0,3,2,0,1,11,22,13,1,12,0,11,8,0,3,4,41,34,17,1,6,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,12,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,17,0,3,3,5,15,5,21,25,6,28,1,3,3,8,7,13,9,2,14,112,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899311463575251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810336491145265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268053373660323,0.0,0.0684756624697244,0.0,0.0,0.05531075531606509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750527498740663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22788463372034895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650846663896047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6343002954212533,0.04480820724946244,0.0,0.04874171966641405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491995187566521,0.0,0.18259497794134488,0.1536555920268326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713371146535642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190001161975029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404050289163106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616157512411908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845609368872621,0.0,0.06304648837245119,0.0,0.0661465681685388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434793986432334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32429921823861235,0.0,0.08213830917926962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494268443904242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834289107842745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600589858593167,0.0,0.0,0.06849132835573281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381201533537008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808712272365662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822820041101821,0.0,0.0,0.08928346226220342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076437199548158,0.0,0.0,0.06879479515135199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095550750275882,0.0,0.2958734788148619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055229274407866034
suicidewatch,Dankw23,2018/01/26,Music choices. I’m now listening to tycho. Highly recommend when you don’t know if you’ll wake up. Maybe I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight all. ,0.09600000000000007,2.3953966000000046,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,99.66666666666666,5.066666666666666,22.66666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.181866666666667,118,5,22,2,5,40,26,30,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.4201,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6037325877104478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140353994269964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740643759668606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553447295060658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shsladvisor,2018/01/26,"It's my birthday... And I can't help but think maybe it'd be fitting to end it here.

Nobody has wished me a happy birthday other than my drunk mother, who doesn't actually care about me at all. I'm just a vessel to accept all of her own sadness. Anytime I try to talk to her about how I feel, she ends up in a one-up contest, trying to say how much worse she has it than I do. I had a panic attack in public two days ago, but all she could say was, ""you think you have it bad? I didn't put the hamburger in the sink this morning!"" 

None of my friends have said a word to me. They're all talking about their own things. They see me online. They were even playing the same games I was. But they didn't say happy birthday, didn't invite me, nothing. They don't care about me. They say they do, but they never show it. They don't talk to me unless they want something from me. My brother and a group of our other shared friends got together and hung out. I wasn't invited. And when he got home from their get-together, my brother sat and talked about how much fun they had for 30 minutes, never even told me happy birthday.

I'm the type of person that I am READY, minutes before midnight, to be the first one to wish them a happy birthday. Because I want their day to start off from second one with happiness and knowing that they're loved and appreciated. I don't even expect the same thing from them, I just didn't expect that they'd go the whole 24 hours ignoring me. Even when I openly expressed that I feel so lonely that death seems preferable, that I'm currently looking for a way to do it (I have a specific method in mind), they just keep on talking about how happy they are about their gaming session. 

Work is too much. I work so hard, but because I work hard, everyone expects more and more of me. I don't have anything left to give.

I'm 31 today. Nobody loves me. I don't see the point in living if all I'm living for is continuing to suffer. I've seen my family get over suicides before. Why would I be any different?",2.8440110381861565,4.069678260143204,4.020142452267304,89.56155019391409,74.27446300715991,6.574015513126493,23.83360680190931,6.9077264865688965,0.6925088902147976,1577,45,341,14,32,515,194,419,0.138,0.7120000000000001,0.15,0.8521,2,2,2,0,0,1,55.0,1,2,19,4,24,23,1,1,17,0,37,3,0,4,7,55,70,23,2,11,10,3,4,0,2,1,0,5,1,1,19,11,1,2,8,5,0,2,15,7,0,5,16,13,65,16,47,47,16,33,0,3,4,2,56,15,0,2,15,237,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.07519078097219661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830117125218825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239740561420843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340650877994533,0.0,0.0,0.08765677550342041,0.0,0.0,0.06433446900562395,0.09393929843936387,0.0,0.13112966062523845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711750950948056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151905174863614,0.0,0.0,0.09938319968936707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050202369931128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648884940942402,0.0,0.0,0.20356615936012476,0.0,0.0,0.07362564966876113,0.0,0.0,0.07263694108316504,0.0,0.0779187255028007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553964558530538,0.0,0.0,0.11905901248941697,0.0,0.08051206285918205,0.07391445784370777,0.04378992865971041,0.0,0.12324964311354257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921341170805564,0.13804534306689534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051645743360726415,0.0,0.07728855840701412,0.0,0.07587983506761244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848657811828991,0.0,0.0,0.04234528196093867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371627023433531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607510592709715,0.0,0.06470353722541712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908329298074232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740820910127393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779966909516993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992432234457594,0.0,0.11885315171515723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393263028640774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663550446881247,0.0,0.0,0.09040289086666524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727806831898499,0.0,0.0,0.07283821605115656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745765995070886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732932621929562,0.24509658142535554,0.0,0.0,0.12279953785811408,0.07014444824503724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931771861205831,0.0,0.0,0.05453718120892972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428142230259034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096538688053609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237868434998634,0.09874249644363284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303545494408283,0.07362564966876113,0.0,0.10462530905485383,0.0,0.07526775088692776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089349695828736,0.06115959474443184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952665367821373,0.086024826811802,0.17720997697352878,0.0,0.0,0.16828240494433114,0.0,0.0785216766668363,0.05473490684322265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HJSDGCE,2018/01/26,"I have so much to do... I'm tired. I'm so very tired. And this time, it's gotten a whole lot worst.

I lost my documents yesterday. All of it. My birth certificates, my school diplomas, everything. Not only that, but I'm also at a foreign country where I'm doing my studies. Without these documents, I can't extend my visa. Without my visa, I can't continue my studies. Without that, I just wasted 3 years of my life for nothing.

I'm so tired. I have exams coming up next week with 7 papers in a month, I haven't even finished studying, I still haven't done my chores and now, I'm very tired. It might not sound like much, but the amount of it is staggering.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep track of everything. I'm just one guy. ",0.5102428842504736,2.6526864000000003,2.5826565464895666,92.78574952561672,85.0,5.711574952561669,22.02087286527514,7.048011613610866,0.6635351043643261,572,20,126,8,17,192,86,155,0.14400000000000002,0.8320000000000001,0.024,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,4,0,14,5,0,0,1,18,26,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,9,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,11,2,0,1,3,1,19,1,14,22,7,16,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,12,83,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749345338390456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333058266429116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578858797381585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755555013012088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878134830684369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416111750141894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309424413199686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947625804556575,0.0,0.0,0.07387222392450403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494290282114032,0.0656694952420316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673234390612405,0.11427676797772293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425954964475131,0.0,0.0,0.10729059360596584,0.0,0.1976243398581739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295430637537992,0.0,0.0,0.1289770091714844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108463032805264,0.10223040149282138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603746751916934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734581656910826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837979920651451,0.6179715771201786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218166730947712,0.0,0.0,0.10782143723174394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007209717413453,0.0,0.3887203950088464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656032379806368
suicidewatch,LowTopic,2018/01/26,"I think im broken I fight with all my friends, I fight with my family. Im 28, 2 years unemployed, diabetic and living at home. I'm hardly worse off than most people. Fuck, im not even worse off than people I know, but I can't stop feeling this. Meanwhile im just a drain on the resources of the people around me. I find myself planning my death while going about my day to day routine.   
I know people would be better without me but, i've been to scared to do anything about it. Sometimes I wish I could be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Just another victim of some random act of violence, that way I wouldn't traumatize the poor soul who finds me. ",2.0232222222222243,3.8255404518518494,3.4819444444444443,90.13625000000002,77.81481481481481,6.277777777777778,21.62037037037037,7.1686216300943375,0.5708148148148142,511,14,109,6,12,168,85,135,0.255,0.623,0.122,-0.9608,2,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,1,6,0,8,2,0,0,1,25,16,4,1,4,6,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,6,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,1,2,18,2,20,10,3,17,1,0,0,1,4,8,1,3,6,67,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564082408234507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644879297215863,0.11515407771956718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440468387032734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328007217936164,0.0,0.0,0.16684756584469462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543827901433486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194512601738275,0.0,0.0654061739031237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23645769634214756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993996212549808,0.11958734302764518,0.0,0.0,0.07351587620666232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158773793704466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975440394515175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5589058011161714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218111798116667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422353208066513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35871606824474245,0.0,0.13514926810350053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950771163959193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127936183484024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814723223271824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288596678584899,0.0,0.0,0.07542840113836749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267660472847684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487527740797372,0.1246943650541825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636492014516508,0.0918906414974772,0.2828604985219868,0.0,0.08330088737411133
suicidewatch,JusticeForMyLove,2018/01/26,"I hate my life I just want to die Just hate what I've became over the past 2 years, idk what I've done to deserve this. Dealt with PTSD my whole life after abuse as a child and I've been maybe slightly autistic as a result growing up. Feel like wasted potential overall. PTSD came back after I was assualted 2 years ago, got worse after a car accident shortly after (Then got death threats from gang and other stupid shit). Then I was a shut in dealing with my toxic ex gf, she left then I went to jobcorps to waste more time to only come back to my now less abusive mom who only used me for my rich biological father's child support money. (He pretends I don't exist and tried to scam me for IRS fraud) there's a lot more but it's too much. I usually repress emotions but I'm currently in no way to get out of this situation, my family is toxic and doesn't really care about what happens to me. I repress my emotions to continue living but I feel so empty. I'm considered attractive and attract a lot of female attention but I am somewhat ashamed of my life so I just push everybody away, it's been like that my whole life tbh. I just don't see the meaning of life anymore, I was inspired to help other and I have. So much I want to fix, to help unite the world to become a progressive society rather then a fragmented greedy mess. This kinda motivates me to continue but I just feel so alone and helpless, when I talk to anyone in my family they just mock me and try to force religion down my throat. Lived with my Gmail for over a year and she just kept me there to live as a shut in, my family is so barbaric and irrational it's cringe worthy. Lost all the weight I gained in 3 months but I more or less have became the same fundamental shutin since I moved back with my mom. I honestly have lost the majority of Hope and just wanna feel peace for once. Just feel so numb, others who had to go through would take it much worse (my ex cut herself pretty often). Is this how a ENTJ deals with depression?",2.4648284313725526,4.344153473039217,3.9270588235294106,87.09343137254903,76.76960784313725,7.2784313725490195,23.588235294117645,8.167268648758528,1.3085117647058828,1579,50,328,28,36,522,211,408,0.205,0.6729999999999999,0.121,-0.9867,2,1,0,0,1,3,33.0,0,0,1,5,28,26,7,3,17,0,18,9,2,4,1,63,47,33,2,6,17,5,6,2,1,1,6,0,0,2,17,19,1,3,9,1,2,8,4,16,0,0,14,7,46,10,55,32,16,49,0,4,1,0,20,16,1,7,26,217,63,2,0.0,0.20024293957609474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490623691291319,0.0,0.0,0.08751895261606156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380362722261267,0.059086009647025414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939274182306473,0.19493127916554373,0.0,0.0,0.09332620932590688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096648179578831,0.08615578016245938,0.0,0.0,0.07279129433091687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423642988763022,0.07278175238754607,0.0,0.08770010069627238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647524519978687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901075457183146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389838922665865,0.0,0.21363464218331565,0.06036849751186649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044148991476365286,0.0,0.04802463428441932,0.0,0.13516850146547432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472515124429961,0.0,0.0,0.16685715703949308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328029129802494,0.0,0.0,0.08392990284043236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181205324407486,0.0,0.2984325530184417,0.08256716210765852,0.0,0.2238513762426512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448859978413984,0.14368175652912213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489397097650178,0.09204783458828918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793626790329366,0.06744897156770527,0.08981262758763255,0.1863568561630082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999224755629152,0.0,0.12853569379936755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066705710374023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596927163873164,0.0,0.0,0.1975574561060432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413437081924344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733743438771149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674045051196759,0.06990121921295094,0.09498418472213674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589226822119727,0.0,0.0,0.06353525263405166,0.0679197900489631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927400129389055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474310093765128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298290113969086,0.09306740287862143,0.0,0.09968335377239224,0.06707403415541567,0.0,0.1029011002812468,0.0,0.07833452736228651,0.0,0.1886877176312176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223023287515776,0.060028046726553215,0.0,0.0,0.16325023347868728
suicidewatch,sleepythrow7623,2018/01/26,"Feel like shit for installing a keylogger We've been together for three years.  Too late did I find him to be an abusive cheating fuck.  I tried to hang myself a few days ago but he found me.  He says he's changed every time I try to leave and then say I'm the one that made him like this.  I don't know why but I installed a keylogger on his desktop.  Not like it's gonna help or anything, I'm disabled and have no family so if I'm to leave him I'd be pretty fucked.  Death seems to be the only way out.",0.6262162162162177,2.1396395945945947,2.5588198198198207,96.48741891891892,80.98198198198199,5.881441441441443,21.009909909909908,6.742157984588678,0.13542450450450438,389,11,96,4,10,130,80,111,0.215,0.654,0.132,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,6,0,7,3,1,1,0,14,18,8,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,4,3,11,3,9,10,1,10,0,0,0,2,10,2,3,3,9,50,14,0,0.0,0.2084697928389265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596742361689522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479034010171946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612981847144394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347200437545495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482439094672577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658682618827053,0.0,0.08896467399740632,0.1256973973408296,0.0,0.0,0.1608134264237415,0.0,0.0,0.19291807072976325,0.0,0.3253224688674947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793433970568698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669650474064158,0.0,0.19847718300125028,0.3726073832231151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578781436636957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648639884414607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922702364175865,0.13381650067406803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900252849843135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27984207035832165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017659248349422,0.0,0.0,0.1806082530277016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259678432436137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891449588991004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396594560073057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876584322187165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133048433609498
suicidewatch,ease330,2018/01/26,"My depression fucked up my sleep, my grades, and I lost true self. I'm such a depressed low life bitch. I fucked up my entire semester from shitty sleeping schedule. Im not going to make it anywhere in life. 
No one can reason with me. 
Im doing so bad in school, im so disappointed in myself. ",0.6752142857142864,2.9927829499999987,2.896190476190476,89.56500000000004,86.16666666666666,5.428571428571429,20.238095238095237,6.868970318607317,0.4773095238095242,227,7,47,3,7,77,44,60,0.466,0.499,0.034,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,0,1,0,2,6,2,2,1,6,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,1,0,8,1,8,7,0,8,0,5,0,2,1,6,3,0,1,27,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545833420817803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189199201648615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423160673237348,0.0,0.0,0.10521876726998436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5999457101773334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261538319320608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210110221443628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358172839659334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545498622901516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035373959323615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737056463620785,0.0,0.0,0.19314036723835465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705454351360173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelloForNow_a19,2018/01/26,"Asking for help, please. I don't want to die, but I can't help but feel any other way. I sit next to 6000 mg of Seroquel, pleading for a reason not to take it all. Please, someone. anything?",-0.4740000000000002,1.6682496000000029,1.3949999999999996,99.31,90.5,3.2,18.0,3.1291,-0.9381500000000004,144,4,33,0,5,47,31,40,0.027000000000000003,0.68,0.293,0.8739,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,6,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912635468101068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676219743447092,0.0,0.2462507603645686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273375737207661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318691161421012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531134274514285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28013721181341805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5782853872927692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708271161864515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231845966298556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804990404357786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536476075003006,0.20908087207598808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfectedZed,2018/01/26,"I'm tired of fighting for this. Social anxiety, depression, and a stuttering issue ruined my life throughout High School to the point of me dropping out. I have no way of getting to a Doctor or Therapist, as my Mother and others at my house are always busy, not to mention I have very tense relations with them since I am very upset and snappy usually all day long. I'm out of shape and have no will or motivation to get back into shape. To put the cherry on top, my only friend I speak to is over Discord/Steam, and I don't know him in real life at all.

I could type a lot more, but I don't want to drag this on for too long, after all I don't really feel like it's necessary since I'm basically just another statistic at this rate. I just wish life would run it's course and put me out of my misery already so I can stop this forever.

Do I want to feel this way? Of course not, I don't think anyone would want to, but I struggle just to find any will or motivation to even want to continue. Every day is getting harder than the last, and truthfully I'm ready to quit forever.",4.9109649725274735,4.610266325892859,6.248750000000001,80.95201923076925,68.77678571428572,9.749450549450552,28.39148351648352,9.466822959209583,2.207993543956044,843,25,180,16,13,287,123,224,0.17,0.74,0.091,-0.9052,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,1,4,7,9,1,2,6,0,18,5,0,2,4,44,34,14,0,8,10,1,2,1,1,4,5,1,0,0,8,12,0,1,7,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,0,3,22,3,36,29,5,32,0,2,0,0,8,16,0,4,11,118,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984220822416704,0.0,0.1054438583965552,0.0,0.0,0.08617612513002668,0.13288032996018664,0.09694290520025738,0.0,0.0,0.08860781160925832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744232272149382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011781678735153,0.0,0.0,0.16345196774267254,0.0,0.10914651103828664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970657034977354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369948194772885,0.0,0.1067697659949471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815012041513638,0.09053108318907667,0.0,0.0,0.11582271386266176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979060340667251,0.0,0.1986229333904664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389002398956176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462215647366259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322661026141533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964375953649475,0.10329632584298708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685250426681268,0.06191055707478136,0.0,0.0,0.2242920978931806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773553748404732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637870799939056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979438957127098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254783645027696,0.0,0.13478572750758458,0.0,0.1442387508753386,0.08118213025033306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825064919584864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096534898965018,0.0,0.0,0.12917834917703122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594627392296273,0.0,0.13247860874058948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713540854717316,0.0,0.0811991130995071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564968275941578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956770732184634,0.20911983180559468,0.29897851909137513,0.20117396377994315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572543211775835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800410583619758,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Socialistrevolt24,2018/01/26,Actually fucking done I'm on the breaking point of snapping. I'm fucking done with everyone I know and I just fucking don't understand the world. Fuck this corporate nightmare.,2.5788541666666696,5.29465584375,3.821250000000002,77.16541666666669,99.9375,7.133333333333333,36.583333333333336,7.793537801064563,4.240483333333334,145,10,22,4,6,47,24,32,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,9,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.2080131359995118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43627279774504746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036832452008113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7882508975093131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714700634291182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015048327136484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219067838023984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Smearmytables,2018/01/26,Nothing bad has even happened recently. Why do I still fucking feel like this? Got home from my hanging out with my brothers. Had a great time as usual. Got home and immediately fucking lost it in tears for no fucking reason. These stupid thoughts keep invading my head out of no where about how pointless everything is and how much I wish I'd just die suddenly in my sleep because I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself. I feel like I shouldn't feel like this. Despite a relatively shit home life I know I have several people who care about me. It just makes me even more frusterated that no matter what they do this stupid inner parasite won't stop eating away and degrading my mind. It makes me feel like a mental toddler who can't control his stupid childish feelings and will cry and punish myself for nothing. I hate this so much. I hate myself so much. I don't know why I'm like this.,3.3632203389830484,5.277642384180798,4.078666666666667,86.83766101694917,74.31073446327684,6.97988700564972,26.48926553672317,7.793537801064563,1.4914628248587576,710,26,141,10,15,226,103,177,0.18600000000000005,0.628,0.187,-0.2106,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,13,20,10,0,4,0,12,8,3,6,0,30,36,10,1,2,2,1,5,5,0,3,1,0,3,0,14,8,1,3,9,0,0,1,7,13,0,0,5,5,22,7,15,28,5,14,0,1,0,3,5,7,4,0,11,91,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865725857211538,0.0,0.08767621486617137,0.06401111442784327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706133691557107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777395168087587,0.0,0.0,0.11534493776512303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898038425823828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744807701593476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871188029840864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437325808427337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26547273276960515,0.30006725208767504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29123102787110705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796691351967574,0.1157702660376358,0.0,0.0,0.09285708490303797,0.0,0.0,0.20734476866084225,0.10776717662187764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159908688916497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093334786644825,0.0,0.0,0.115417880870403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416934312482319,0.25650486664684463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146272258305085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018558567197156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058220636045922,0.0,0.10602684081388564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087680497903177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015135363298217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279842959958857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796438444400076,0.10368145583266332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862769082438845,0.10778787655290256,0.0,0.0,0.1050825423721175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385849247865766,0.08779030959619451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336359661707879,0.061230255750178014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565005338767573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950444205217792,0.0,0.12075253171206075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Triss------,2018/01/26,"Knowing what it would do to my kids the only thing keeping me from committing suicide...help Depressed, stressed, lost my job (see post history), I'm 40 years old and Ive failed at life. Therapy hasn't helped, I'm at the end of my rope...",4.526875,4.766922937499999,5.154166666666669,86.6075,69.625,8.9,32.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.446241666666668,183,8,40,3,3,59,41,48,0.223,0.7509999999999999,0.026,-0.875,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,10,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,8,0,6,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,19,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277390989115913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341920216588917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544618069551897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623897590082373,0.2350230111166064,0.0,0.0,0.14531483316121066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867631885212352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886387459495313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27745765822648605,0.0,0.0,0.20109850425127376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532351967084637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070345419575115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028849555030818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30238006542032986,0.0,0.1756646873824799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878318784924911,0.0,0.0,0.1702737286473327
suicidewatch,DifferentAssistance,2018/01/26,"The fear of death pales in comparison to the pain of living The feeling is back again. That feeling that begins in my stomach with a familiar dull ache the meds are supposed to keep away. Its a disgusting, writhing feeling, its tendrils seductively wrapping their way about my heart, throat and brain. 
I best be dead. I've fucked everything up, I'm such a fuck up. There's so much fucking bullshit in my brain. 

Reasons to just end this joke:
-my mom has cancer
-parents think im a failure 
-no one loves me they just think I'm beautiful. one day I'm going to get old and wither and I'll be on my own. All i have is 
-no one believes i was raped
-my ex bf was a rapist and i feel bad he never raped me I deserved it not the other girls
-Bulimia is a bitch/too fat to be an anorexic",0.7106930369401779,3.0582673788819896,2.299830009807128,93.66650866296177,86.3913043478261,5.128604118993135,22.759398496240607,6.5966054737557815,0.554967701863355,612,23,132,7,19,199,108,161,0.325,0.5820000000000001,0.093,-0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,1,8,14,7,1,12,0,11,15,6,1,2,18,28,5,2,0,3,3,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,7,1,0,1,4,11,0,3,2,4,15,3,16,23,4,16,0,1,0,7,9,7,3,0,7,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036334894060634,0.11487703001839206,0.12474020988588795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683191988906452,0.15678287813300662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335528013217683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634867109339974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232135110127793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342683422067921,0.0,0.0,0.1681130994648484,0.3021583397979266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143452086449674,0.0780537383352168,0.0,0.08490572746349752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703610074052598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137433870045098,0.0,0.0,0.13279087028906594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192024070414501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483657692520645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594632826182684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749718979452098,0.0,0.0,0.1098239453986776,0.0,0.11522413505310787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676696392074255,0.0,0.3037057118061172,0.0,0.1589688841820794,0.0,0.16588762898274792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536049428719304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145506167088394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858434215551485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuccessfulAverage,2018/01/26,"Got Scissors in My Hand I don’t know if I’m depressed again. Definitely have ideation. This week I didn’t really have any ideation until now, been pretty busy with school and work... now I want to cut myself pretty bad.. been playing around with a pair of scissors just running down my leg. Sometimes it just feels like fucking useless even though my life is going pretty well. I got my shit together after I left my abusive house, got my drivers license, my first job, my GED. But man sometimes I just think “fuck it, why am I still doing this”",4.2865,5.856321114285718,4.363035714285719,87.15883928571432,71.19047619047619,6.392857142857142,28.36309523809524,6.6274283507984215,1.2950238095238091,427,16,82,3,8,132,75,105,0.162,0.648,0.19,0.1045,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,11,10,4,0,1,0,9,6,3,0,0,13,20,5,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,7,1,1,6,2,16,3,9,14,0,14,0,2,0,2,1,4,3,1,9,53,20,3,0.0,0.1851933966389457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629134274737577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914273339826266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050640609757416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346234725330956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032366019017486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903145071567295,0.11166283443380856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329511805172315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889990544533669,0.0,0.0,0.08883054917494368,0.0,0.3750291614472867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035257945315653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551065262119254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589999496890921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982357558933678,0.0,0.11040137200965347,0.07636170960097703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770487725077393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013165036581152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818689562429136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044269715886025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091751611933395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482371063640292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001525973489772,0.1535668213940905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219150953612372,0.0,0.12537677118280355,0.0,0.14053509272545714,0.0,0.14103907034254312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379038441959445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hanamin,2018/01/26,"I'm nothing. Everyone likes to shit on me. I used to live in a home now I'm just in a house.

My father wants to kill me because I stood up for myself and said what's on my mind. Loves to laugh at my own screw ups and misery.

My mother is phony. She claims that she cares but she actually got sick and tired of it or didn't care at all, only cares when I do something I think she'll be proud of and dislikes me decisions, undermining will to improve because I can't compare to her achievements when she was my age. If she really cares she should've noticed my depression years ago, not to add more sadness. She's a sadist and a psychopath.

Younger brother treats me like trash because my parents does. And he thinks he's better than me in everything, he's dumb as shit.

I have nobody else but myself. I stopped seeing my friends because they're sick and tired of me looking miserable and consoling me. They're done. 

Family claims that they care when they actually don't. They think it'll help me by treating me like shit and reminding me of my insignificance. Fucking demons.

I have no place to go and I'm broke. I can't think of a way out of this mess.",1.4514406779661009,3.7372570593220367,2.7916000000000025,91.8618745762712,82.22033898305084,5.979389830508474,22.999322033898306,7.24861992348623,0.8259951186440677,910,32,195,13,25,294,132,236,0.278,0.583,0.139,-0.9917,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,3,3,5,27,7,1,5,0,14,10,3,1,1,28,36,18,1,2,6,4,0,3,1,3,4,1,1,0,6,12,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,12,0,0,6,3,42,15,28,26,3,21,1,4,2,3,23,11,6,2,11,117,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.20936376613914875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509005133462267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615677754033057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948732626277754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5468541670266712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923931151260712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387434718271086,0.1097763796996222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961189291981775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250288067092464,0.09640905097227943,0.0,0.1011263837758395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287799024460674,0.09917112672484134,0.0,0.0,0.06096508285072666,0.0,0.08579512383007053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190208158002682,0.0,0.10760244446417888,0.0,0.0,0.12377734969362725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868044422650488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722286968906313,0.0,0.09472303747322144,0.0,0.09008136410397888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681706204198827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831402145009844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293026430367333,0.12212974910826695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158510042310077,0.0,0.0,0.11911273063636067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120762854540839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872111472044792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204012517848113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548180173719858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303391372427648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258313590328971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968409700525258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749419631785018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24658649698011814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092648464292651,0.0,0.0,0.06327173555951288,0.08514742715581787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907957522026402
suicidewatch,sloppypissyasshole,2018/01/26,"but y tho? I am drifting aimlessly through life  
I have no purpose or reason  
I don't know what I'm doing  
I have no end goal  
I don't take care of my body  
I only think about myself  
I have no ambition   
I distance myself from friends and family  
I shut the curtains and stay indoors  
I am lazy and unproductive   
I contribute nothing to the world   
I serve myself, even when I am selfless   
I am dishonest in thought, word and deed  
I am a waste of talent  
I use people to my advantage  
I tell people what they want to hear  
I have no faith in myself  
I don't love myself  
I am stuck on autopilot  
I load my body with sugar and fat  
I cloud my brain with drugs  
I trade good rest for pointless screen time  
I lounge about on couches and beds  
I dig myself further into debt  
I ignore all the good things in my life   
I shut out friends and family  
I have no genuine passion for anything  
I am a drain on those around me  
I don't take responsibility for my actions  

I want to stop putting up a facade  
I'd rather be in prison  
Except I am in prison  
I'm stuck doing the same things  
Always in my comfort zone  

I swore at 17 that if I hadn't gotten it together by 27 then I'd kill myself  
All the cool kids die at 27  
It's a good innings  
Old enough to have enjoyed the extent of life's pleasures  
Young enough to avoid the worst of aging  
I've lived a good life  
I'm not dying happy and I did not live well, but it was a good life  
Maybe I'll do better in the next life",-0.6956818181818178,1.4873510551948073,1.6218181818181847,95.90272727272728,95.26623376623377,4.228571428571429,17.38961038961039,5.985473137389443,-0.3520675324675322,1127,32,253,11,44,378,159,308,0.234,0.59,0.175,-0.9721,1,1,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,3,8,24,1,1,14,1,25,14,4,2,2,35,42,15,3,4,8,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,3,1,9,13,2,3,4,0,2,3,12,4,1,0,7,4,51,20,37,34,8,33,1,0,1,2,7,20,0,2,9,168,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754050673580596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657625316100488,0.093656379812393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304688758803256,0.0,0.2337221318367592,0.0,0.11744561121298965,0.0,0.0,0.1072653702361052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183761496487116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200651659108733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318202032803004,0.21741354853956013,0.0,0.06948811599508009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983592637747028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256506476576732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412124685096059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199462202795694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185757385061632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163957646968117,0.0,0.057818919883251774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458641529982119,0.0,0.0,0.18579910874041147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949532675372238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056943969451218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188865243492688,0.0,0.0,0.1009487864841962,0.0,0.11039686563996323,0.0,0.0,0.08001453157260945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458743320152057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057619179195783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817013875729596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213647773964527,0.0,0.08795761694442755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820487920799034,0.0,0.09195540264110358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978948005695052,0.06741228569705958,0.0,0.0835224677083567,0.06134694598362535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086491813888918,0.0,0.0,0.12410742295653167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459357093116892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atlskierguy,2018/01/26,"Can't land job in my field, overwhelmed with debt, can't provide for my wife and future daughter. feeling like only one way out.",4.0368,5.82200568,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,72.2,5.0,28.5,3.1291,0.8050000000000006,102,4,19,0,2,31,22,25,0.094,0.7120000000000001,0.195,0.1779,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,4,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644014626494089,0.37357047707619534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189123067529503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554697848271153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35434063906237306,0.3977003108658691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150654724169388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neonomide,2018/01/26,"Since christmas I have broken contact with my family and socially isolated myself completely, since I have long lost all my friends To not show up for christmas was a rather spontaneous decision, although it was always my plan to make my family resent and forget me, before killing myself, in order to make it easier for them.

After christmas I told them repeatedly via email and texts that I don't want nothing to do with them anymore, before shutting down every path of communication.

Since some time I have plenty of leaves and seeds of the highly toxic yew tree in my closet waiting for the right moment. My plan is to eat them and if it hurts to much to jump out of the window, as I live in a skyscraper with at least 17 stories.

Sorry for my english.  ",10.380652680652679,7.792946517482519,9.878426573426575,66.68892191142193,59.349650349650354,12.330536130536132,38.518648018648015,10.504223727775694,4.0124508158508165,604,21,103,10,6,196,91,143,0.142,0.8190000000000001,0.039,-0.9085,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,4,3,1,5,2,0,5,0,8,1,0,2,1,20,14,8,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,9,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,20,1,27,10,4,17,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,2,5,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449200828336662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727258944713722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964049143550068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260976089927414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821532156902925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467423856392606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283764511874493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456023691304034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401596510435297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644832922793572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268889900600106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441667019392308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379178869927912,0.15413144918964009,0.0,0.0,0.19012278748292769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325143448232029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280320663055302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711699583141676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873683155158715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322158006761754,0.0,0.0,0.17754032665086175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949646029587122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155760830092456,0.0,0.0,0.16642309817890746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272763253138044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeadAt12,2018/01/26,"I’m dying at 12am EST As much as I wished about myself getting better, at 12am EST I am done. I have my pills and water ready to overdose I love you guys goodluck with everything and I just wanna share a short poem.

In peace may we leave the shore
In love may we find the next
Safe passage on our travels 
Until our final journey into the ground
“May we meet again”",0.3420634920634917,2.5803890649350687,2.151861471861473,94.87318903318905,86.92207792207792,3.9417027417027413,17.646464646464647,5.033348758259628,-0.6046409812409816,286,7,61,1,9,94,56,77,0.014,0.718,0.268,0.969,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,5,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,0,15,11,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,13,5,13,7,1,14,0,0,0,2,11,8,0,3,4,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332564464400861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737203036809498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698974139031557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703235254683194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889140915146393,0.2410534259449305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779317535757415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611438961397117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792623982205236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760709860961818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387912084094036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804903005406673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30328778775589804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilverAvrora,2018/01/26,"My latest thoughts Today I have the feeling of being better though I'm not sure, because I still feel the darkness and emptiness in me but at least I smiled today, I felt content ans that's something I haven't feel in over a month. Anyways, This is just me going back to normal but don't get confused, for me being normal is not like I'm good, it just means that I recovered the capability to hide my true feelings and pretend that I'm fine. It's me being able to laugh and have fake smiles to foll others and make them think that I'm fine while in reality I'm just dying inside and continue to have this visions about death and the suicidal thoughts but don't worry, I don't think that I'm brave enough to take any actions, although I noticed that I've never gone so far on my quest to end my life like this time, this only makes me think that I just have a couple of other mental breakdowns before I finally snap it and do it. I mean it can't be that bad anyways, it must feel like a very long and eternal dream of nothingness so you shouldn't feel a thing and in case that rebirth is a thing it wouldn't be that bad I mean, it's a new chance to start over, with no thoughts or knowledge about your previous life and mistakes. This means that you can fuck it up again I know or that you can get a worst life than the one I have but it's a chance that is worth taking, at this point, anything is better than what I am. It's not even because of my family or lifestyle, because I know that it's pretty decent in comparison with the life of others but the real monster and curse lies within me, I just can't control my personality I mean, it's incredible hard to control my feelings, I'm always in the breaking point about to loose it again. If I'm not busy either working or studying then I'm depressed, because all I can think is on how such a looser I am. But anyways, that is me and I think that I've done a pretty good job hiding this pain and despair from others, I've met people that have said that I'm the happiest person they have ever met. I just hope to find the courage to make a decision and end it as soon as possible. The only think that I'm still think about is my family, I know that they don't deserve that shitty treatment and I know that if I do it (when I finally get to do it), they will be thorn apart, specially because they relay on my more than they should.

I've always thought about myself as the moon. I can light people's life, especially in the darkness but I don't have my own light.

-I apologize for the grammar, is not something that I care at the moment. ",5.722850916549162,4.921546598513012,6.340339700038459,82.64812267657993,67.21561338289962,8.907678502756056,30.447634918600176,7.873277556716777,1.8511977182412511,2042,64,434,20,29,670,215,538,0.152,0.7,0.14800000000000002,-0.3011,1,0,2,0,0,1,41.0,0,4,6,5,28,27,1,1,27,0,46,7,0,6,6,94,102,39,3,10,25,0,9,3,0,5,6,1,0,2,54,17,0,2,31,2,1,3,18,10,0,1,10,12,58,17,51,81,7,51,0,2,0,1,16,21,1,8,29,306,112,2,0.07060598636239691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749967356230664,0.0,0.0,0.04801449190886886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581027107563272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429164526524245,0.11790609879716164,0.2152037697272253,0.0,0.060080494017779484,0.0,0.0,0.12489051440583725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198750873878115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838123490861727,0.0,0.07812418096266849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060812832593967164,0.0,0.07327786659653268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225443792360177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250718939000776,0.07295485808220754,0.0,0.04663458809144646,0.06386715693379355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312208034120238,0.0,0.2499035572414268,0.05044093076503951,0.06779281940514463,0.15469081373331545,0.0645325923999373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527409666232918,0.1106661411591992,0.0,0.0401270091653444,0.11844190296489016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324909535163258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012767573780633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006554678225774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521281439483542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24935548117423706,0.10348355547161513,0.0,0.0,0.062484076089903966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139013248410795,0.0,0.0,0.38455309001412896,0.0,0.0,0.07115422754807285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635702469406297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445568940367078,0.06819170160255215,0.0,0.0,0.13835775112959145,0.0,0.08038538344691558,0.0,0.0,0.04784444365644956,0.10739806851240216,0.07512974758176702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789860164183573,0.12330084778358855,0.0,0.0,0.13349095796820712,0.07959764087920942,0.0,0.1436633428816991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036507009800793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716246163882637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871187559633376,0.0,0.0,0.04997528055432196,0.0,0.1127720638289618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723148926515447,0.0,0.06654530655903311,0.0,0.10617382944220333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381495999164688,0.31669025581374305,0.06937002311488168,0.22421306562613555,0.04117091844621519,0.0,0.13385243866052424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825733320605753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140199898506397,0.07170380644715188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blewzei,2018/01/26,"Please Help I’ve tried it all. The self help, the exercise, all of it. I can’t seem to shake the feeling of pure emptiness. I want to end this agony. I don’t have the guts to do it. I’ve heard about the suicide prevention hotline before, but I was always under the assumption that they usually send Human Resources to you and it’s late here, I don’t want to wake everyone else in the house. So is that rumor true? Because if not I’m seriously considering giving them a call. I want to find a ray of hope. Somewhere, anywhere. ",1.5253186066270177,3.742735074766358,3.3120475785896346,88.6421920135939,81.42990654205606,6.507731520815634,23.74596431605777,7.686295010490155,1.2072878504672904,411,15,86,7,11,137,72,107,0.076,0.711,0.213,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,1,9,0,7,3,2,0,4,16,16,4,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,2,9,2,12,14,2,7,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,3,3,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784236354143163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071504893751346,0.0,0.18246485007391805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189578610190362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912945048886406,0.0,0.1899220765577028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204897855517208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842267492365404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598590174127556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057015995380572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874569422154747,0.0,0.0,0.2129782061336668,0.0,0.247424397712773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418873258944841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353806684141692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520978200541506,0.22369813029149252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345525338986327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558446380175347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361652741608957,0.0,0.379430592959133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadhumanbeing21,2018/01/26,"Who else gets chronic physical chest pain with their mental illness? I get this all the time, in fact it never goes away. A heavy deep weighted pain in the centre of my chest, that painkillers, no matter what type I take wont touch. It's one of the most painful things I have ever experienced and it's physical pain not emotional or mental although maybe it's a result those things.
I'm very unhappy and always anxious and stressed.
Anyone else get this? 
What's the cause?
How to get rid of It? ",3.041672394043527,5.276473556701035,3.4545704467353966,89.49143184421537,76.31958762886596,6.372966781214204,24.179839633447884,7.3871296695380915,1.0332300114547541,393,13,78,5,9,122,67,97,0.268,0.721,0.011,-0.9771,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,6,0,2,9,2,3,4,15,8,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,14,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,3,5,0,8,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,48,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393461258937825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826605303915412,0.0,0.10414617760748413,0.15261229687083788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993922825462446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300808806148194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488497557863825,0.16754367352931615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472975901635073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31127156732746586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963580434591867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30020412339582186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487597479924365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009293457478778,0.0,0.633954180684366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061660117648447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198850192611436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979055833799804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685133622732763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289566094078468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137552916362465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newaccounttodayama,2018/01/26,"This one might be a little different. Lately i’ve been feeling so alone. I don’t have many friends besides my gf (relationship is a little messy) but i have a really supportive family which makes me think i shouldn’t feel like this. I feel like i’m not depressed and i haven’t told anyone about how i feel. But most days i just get this feeling in my gut like i wanna end it. I always tell myself there’s no way i could be depressed bc i care about people and i just feel like there’s no way i could have it. The thing is the only way i would do anything is if i had a gun but luckily my family locks there’s up and hides the key (probably a good measure). I also don’t go out seeking to end my life or anything but if i happened to stumble on a gun i feel like i would actually do it. I’ve never told anyone about how i feel and i don’t know if i ever will, mainly because i feel like people would think i’m using like a “depressed angle” for attention or something like that. Honestly i can’t tell if that’s what it is and that’s the main reason i don’t think i’m depressed. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t tell if my head is actually messed up or not. ",0.35596380090497703,2.2576843686274515,2.857745098039217,92.04254524886879,83.74509803921569,5.8054298642533935,20.00377073906485,7.010146845296331,0.3177481146304673,914,26,209,12,26,316,111,255,0.07200000000000001,0.6759999999999999,0.251,0.9933,1,1,1,2,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,14,18,0,0,11,0,31,3,2,5,2,54,57,21,0,12,17,0,9,8,2,6,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,16,0,0,1,14,5,0,1,4,9,34,13,13,43,3,17,0,4,0,0,8,7,0,10,14,140,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.16884034748976856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959709502432785,0.0,0.06918110854354298,0.0719823062370584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857935490223154,0.12097802047921995,0.0,0.14237885066624914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273500150674095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820155396483023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814057973837984,0.0,0.0,0.055791061594381235,0.0,0.2980398366196773,0.0,0.0,0.09038335204981596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532423554111451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825222163635677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310571873977905,0.0,0.3936733356063181,0.3090097542514446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683653494680082,0.0,0.04519731173988252,0.0,0.04916498190244617,0.07255953205689321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649950412585355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878305388571588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508602023273073,0.0,0.09758576842674753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061103770124961425,0.3381108958971392,0.1734092199961777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774533952199984,0.0877064115871676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177223548976532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672097023191448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586206461789702,0.06579389050667372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994870981195715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932711887101914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541979447185279,0.08894552183975417,0.0,0.09287814658571228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665987511584936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816923547524486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683768462891066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574726463061634,0.16629416395191046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532585662104254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471588419539603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600013250563845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843602481263039,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thunderkyss88,2018/01/26,"I think I’ll kill myself after tax returns Well guys I think I’m going to kill myself after tax returns, after I waste it all on a road trip to Vegas where I’m going to kill myself 

30 years old, fired from my job as a bartender a few months back for having a shot or 2 with my regular customers on occasion. Girlfriend just failed diversion we’re awaiting a court date on when she’s actually going to be back in court she already had a 2nd chance but her weed levels weren’t going down fast enough which they implied she was still smoking marijuana (we live in Oregon, it’s not illegal here, yes I know it’s still federally illegal) so we’re waiting to see what she’s gonna get jail time wise (1st DUI she’s 28, had one speeding ticket prior)

Live with her and her kid and her crazy (seriously insane) mother whose threatened to kick us all out even though we pay all the bills rent etc, but she’s getting her disability next month and could realistically kick us out. She does this for no reason she woke up yelling yesterday literally woke up in the morning and started yelling about kicking us out after taxes. Nobody woke her up I think she’s seriously bipolar

Can’t find a decent job, watching my savings dwindle. Ordered a gram of clonazolam (RC benzo 4x as strong as clonazepam. So the equivalent of 4 grams of clonazepam with some booze and sleeping pills should do the trick.

Already on anti depressants, take the RC version of Valium for anti anxiety already.

Dad doesn’t talk to me for no reason in particular he just doesn’t care, my mom is too busy to with her alcoholic boyfriend. My 2 good friends are in different states. I think I’ve spent enough time on earth

I wish you all the best in your struggles ",4.541335311572702,6.0122315370919885,5.3538468842730005,80.68751810089023,70.42433234421364,8.003275964391692,29.207002967359053,8.488131031819089,2.1590043679525226,1376,53,260,22,25,448,199,337,0.139,0.757,0.104,-0.7051,5,0,1,0,2,3,25.0,5,2,1,3,16,17,4,1,14,1,14,5,1,2,4,38,38,15,3,3,6,3,1,0,2,2,3,2,1,2,7,14,2,1,8,1,7,5,7,9,1,1,8,5,40,8,47,26,11,52,0,2,2,0,34,21,0,2,24,159,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.09888981761296954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829791278283926,0.0,0.0,0.33548208220611603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752215420673449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584304498970133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063464172366972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331932757116724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809089588974346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728098917974908,0.0,0.0,0.1058750865221566,0.0,0.0,0.08868026442803846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941541142798106,0.11301699782697935,0.06693181035963422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261973597919272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782923376910548,0.0,0.10588828987868217,0.0,0.23036749997556005,0.08499625827438438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003390788503601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011217030920578,0.0,0.33634150837690857,0.0,0.055691896742439975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896399309606792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868409793952316,0.16177167392835218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777253000642273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633562256652923,0.0,0.0686682430494769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083816235395204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075207987423492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140969588225657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172650467443302,0.0,0.16185493855469624,0.0,0.0,0.10593892471725053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619244543820825,0.08145044967849326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597293800571329,0.09956260839409697,0.0,0.11818026999061118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656860396150805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111369419274336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653198753575095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525739119321226
suicidewatch,fuzzytwinkies,2018/01/26,"Please, please let me pass away in my sleep tonight. I've been through the whole process: therapy, medication, self help books, exercise, whatever. None of it helps. 

I've dropped out of community college 3 times because I don't have the motivation to do the work. I'm just realizing after 5 months that I hate my esthetics school. I'm broke, I have no lucrative skills, I'm gaining weight because all I do is eat and sleep.



I'm 22 years old and feel like an 80 year old on the inside. I'm always fatigued. I feel like any day could be my last and I'm surprisingly okay with that. I just don't think I was made with the same mental fortitude most people have to push through hard times. I can't do it anymore. I've given up. I am constantly sad or empty inside and I am so sick of it. So fucking sick.


I would end it all today if it weren't for my crippling fear of death. I'm too much of a coward to even make that decision. I did take a considerable amount of my clonazepam but I doubt it'll do anything. Here's to hoping.",1.2062006861063497,3.3724051603773617,3.0295025728988034,90.50597770154377,82.30188679245283,6.496054888507719,23.315608919382505,7.686295010490155,1.0580867924528308,802,29,177,14,22,267,130,212,0.15,0.765,0.085,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,8,12,2,2,8,1,22,10,2,3,2,29,39,9,1,4,5,0,4,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,9,7,2,0,7,2,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,4,19,5,21,28,8,22,0,3,0,1,3,5,1,5,16,100,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149242391036044,0.0,0.0,0.0939241579364367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369747491684465,0.0,0.0,0.11365835531427032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297652769625607,0.0,0.0,0.1683894345460555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492551902681204,0.0,0.1102750234445174,0.0,0.0,0.08907390771005405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132796385047944,0.0,0.0,0.12233048657868105,0.0,0.0,0.09122484156481572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541979496600294,0.13967200464494736,0.19734133422169328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276867529017506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372552087854495,0.13636174226524198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851535548104379,0.0,0.0,0.13718114323097316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125836234582545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123378225535368,0.0,0.13495378057091212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068945249750516,0.09219403424627373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913814198264074,0.13918924558766185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024350936045416,0.0,0.10153173744672396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28986068863835474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957527962580152,0.0,0.0,0.3032215340123677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978157189530274,0.0,0.0,0.1440859410411159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764330858611951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384664221973984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794859394672262,0.0,0.0,0.08849966636988346,0.0,0.0,0.1610740296437959,0.0,0.1309185736338708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818904941596302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420247100431494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055067291110784,0.0,0.0,0.09811420956279074,0.0,0.0,0.17788537738773694
suicidewatch,swanton2x,2018/01/26,"Lost... I'm not one to advertise my emotions or intentions, but I just need to get it out, I guess.

I'm a suicide survivor.  I've woken up in hospitals a few too many times.  People smile and cry, hugging me and wishing me well.  All the while I wish I had been successful.

I wake up each morning wondering why.  Why did I have to bury my dad?  My best friend?  Why did I stand idle and watch my wife walk out with other men, believing it wouldn't end the way it did?  Why do I measure my memories in funerals rather than anything else?

I was born this way.  Didn't know depression could be genetically inherited.  It's hard to explain to others what it's like to never know a day without it.  Then I met someone and she - along with her two amazing kids - changed that.  I had loved her since I was 10 and many moons later, she loved me back.  It was everything I had dreamed.  Then she too was gone.  Her ex orchestrated a scheme to perfection and I can't blame her for believing it.

Here's the problem...

I was ready for another suicide attempt until she smiled at me.  She saved me without ever knowing it.  But that saving grace is gone and my strength is waning fast.  Everyone knows.  They saw it before I did.  I know people will miss me.  I know I'm leaving people behind.  There may even be better days ahead if I stay and fight.  I just don't know if I even want to fight anymore.  I'm tired.  But I'm also kind of desperate at this point.  If anyone knows the magic words that can get through my depression and plant a seed of hope, please say them.  Anything...",1.1576236263736277,3.5137673173076927,2.712212454212456,91.49469230769232,84.16025641025641,6.001611721611723,22.696336996337,7.33818517376401,0.9087698534798538,1201,43,255,19,35,392,176,312,0.1,0.63,0.27,0.9968,0,0,0,0,2,2,47.0,0,0,2,8,13,24,2,0,9,0,27,5,1,1,4,56,59,21,3,12,13,3,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,18,15,0,0,10,1,1,3,8,7,1,2,20,4,45,17,30,33,4,31,0,4,2,3,24,9,0,8,16,169,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761613662669441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986478584831902,0.0,0.0,0.09444997410408584,0.06659224983485545,0.0,0.15674463769879626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732317318451901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104006805358929,0.2146000194396301,0.09994584372102286,0.0842297983077644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074860982007848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603936617437103,0.0,0.10461388317862642,0.12284057211476701,0.0,0.1640557779198093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955868131390112,0.10712932939280444,0.0843521259183897,0.0,0.0,0.12580689471240147,0.08614773944389062,0.0,0.09100347901758746,0.0855932924990469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735802291299337,0.0,0.09951528925084653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491480474686753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853140620000132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459229167706353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099175164150578,0.418720160244497,0.0,0.0,0.1008427241178055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652821471677273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039629431899417,0.0,0.1719110607704459,0.0,0.0,0.19311168258153288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061737346895773,0.07345300412930432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453537097676636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980769999259108,0.0,0.0,0.10454213717905696,0.09003018779340388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112939180245257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573665463521359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878141511666915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069439494696566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015104658285019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834865785477735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553373165877585,0.1094614558979699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303316465600958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056173524311787834,0.15119013338664114,0.0,0.0,0.08562991849894326,0.0,0.3437479953051181,0.0,0.2190367690305101,0.18361103520085245,0.10328096811868827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peachypinky1991,2018/01/26,"I don't care if this sounds pathetic If my Fiancé dies of cancer I see no other option but to die. He is my whole life. I've been with other people and no one has ever loved me and treated me as well as he does. I love him more than any other person in the world. He is my best friend. We have lived together for years, shared our lives together since we met. He makes me laugh, brings my spirits up and has always taken care of me. He's sweet to strangers, and if you ask him for anything he will do everything he can to help. He's so positive and strong and since he has been diagnosed he has only broke down and cried twice. 
His cancer just relapsed and he feels like he ""let everyone down"" 
He's the best person I've ever met. Selfless, Kind and humble. 
I've been trying to prepare myself for the possibility of his death. Every time I even think about how I will live if he dies the pain is unbearable. And that is only thinking about it for a second. I can't live on this fucked up planet with out the light of my life. I wont make it. ",2.482223421478686,3.739083844036699,3.863470048569887,90.2035213167836,75.23853211009174,6.7807879114948735,20.621694549379388,7.285733465282438,0.37936934700485736,810,17,180,9,17,267,124,218,0.175,0.605,0.22,0.9506,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,1,0,3,9,18,1,0,6,0,20,9,0,3,2,30,36,19,4,4,6,0,1,1,1,3,6,1,0,2,8,15,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,1,3,6,5,25,15,26,26,4,13,1,1,1,3,32,8,1,5,5,116,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983046458223,0.0,0.0,0.08034145931369142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722182588341408,0.0,0.11044798784649693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479680978864089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24090982844962666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977480932935734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991290888250986,0.3678421141433754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338795166620983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780325004557144,0.21373466161076796,0.09954078113482638,0.11289093549515106,0.10617953254798176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059736775527111416,0.08440155931454524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091277179621017,0.10922152818336522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918892815975606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302801145305853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080947458124992,0.16689613863605599,0.05771882287358049,0.0,0.41729060659765205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132577862060498,0.0,0.15772306963613714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005692178741625,0.17970652627408953,0.12571274460312498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190565189779724,0.20631625269201376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318875972488614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941448718588128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954586296735712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514028446173154,0.0,0.0,0.06889027745064877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802115096356371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622496755152648,0.0,0.0,0.13190271621756805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608037763601434
suicidewatch,Alph_A__,2018/01/26,"Mentioned my suicidal thoughts to my parents ""Other people have it worse than you."" ""You're just being dramatic."" ""Just talk to your dog."" ""How about I set you up with some therapist? (/s)""


I used to think that people were exaggerating about how their parents reacted. If I told my parents, they would understand and listen.


They didn't. 


Why the fuck did my shitty little sperm cell make it past the birth control my mom was on when she had me? Maybe some other sperm would have been the perfect child, or maybe my parents would have been better off without any kids at all. I just had to come along, set off my mom's MS to ruin her life and career, and then make everyone in the world hate me for something I still haven't figured out. The worst part is, I am terrified of the thought of dying. No escape.",2.73076923076923,5.024434641025644,3.3672820512820536,89.44438461538464,77.58974358974359,6.211282051282053,23.220512820512823,7.3011,0.8988158974358978,628,20,125,8,15,197,103,156,0.177,0.759,0.064,-0.9679,4,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,3,3,9,6,2,0,6,0,18,2,0,7,2,32,30,9,2,4,6,6,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,11,1,23,2,21,15,5,17,0,1,0,1,21,9,1,4,5,92,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705056921043018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321363546495647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026849429827824,0.0,0.0,0.14357307661626353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285322293655016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231816894413995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834233880756395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638247223625448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041660427504633,0.0,0.1282987350041909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089412000638465,0.0,0.2572046682402405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998453926302355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5685557718577932,0.13862136751413728,0.12219915867775205,0.1774907670376246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854764961957574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222822274135937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002116515699495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288885574292284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486284170437573,0.0,0.08202305457606739,0.0,0.2032498336566324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231816894413995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133261974710939,0.0,0.11055875145739337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550829105065005,0.0,0.0,0.12339619246515758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045219642233452,0.2728019492871822,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Greenbean7676,2018/01/26,"It's not ever going to get better It's always going to be like this. I'm always going to feel this way. Nobody is ever going to legitimately care about me. I want to run away but I know it'll be the same wherever I go. I am the root of all my problems. Literally nothing is going to get better until I take the plunge, and stop hurting everybody around me. ",0.7787000000000006,2.9162651866666667,4.114250000000002,82.26337500000002,83.8,5.883333333333333,18.708333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.5370333333333335,279,7,55,4,8,102,48,75,0.126,0.737,0.13699999999999998,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,3,14,20,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,4,11,17,2,14,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30071021829356137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608594207877137,0.0,0.0,0.1697716037395641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31962517606365703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423352857886507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32690314995923936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136627602210542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888143655028527,0.0,0.6161686064181219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934408147108012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930682759275727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827985534547601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733844865197494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729034645969697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151071516365359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358623154459151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658028963020942,0.14342956404283114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Remyfrost,2018/01/26,"Family is killing me slowly I feel like buying a gun from the deep web and blasting my face with because I can't take it anymore. I live with my folks, can't find a job, I'm a absolute fucking useless cunt goodbye",3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,71.44444444444444,7.777777777777778,32.77777777777778,7.793537801064563,2.2554444444444446,169,8,35,2,3,57,36,45,0.285,0.6609999999999999,0.053,-0.8973,1,0,0,1,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,7,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,18,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403135669092722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091816537284976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323492206349903,0.0,0.17350744712675847,0.24514713023869425,0.0,0.0,0.31363378101406475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172375535699653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405244007547213,0.0,0.37964571974135103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764623667059794,0.0,0.3030086040879253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580068329374368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tyRAWRnnosaurus,2018/01/26,"Everything is going to great and I'm so sad I don't know what's wrong with me, have everything I wanted when I was a kid and I don't deserve any of it. I have a good family, and a good job, and people who love me...I'm supposed to be happy and I have no excuse not to be. Every day I think throwing myself in front of a train.  I keep telling myself I'm not going to drink, but I drink every single night (just like my father). I talked to my doctor about anxiety, but only because I'm afraid if I tell her I want to die I'll be committed.  
",-0.12519607843137234,1.6221464453781531,2.8539705882352955,92.26370098039213,84.54621848739495,5.64733893557423,17.4796918767507,6.816661863887847,-0.06096694677871151,413,9,96,5,12,147,73,119,0.101,0.7090000000000001,0.19,0.7336,1,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,4,0,10,4,0,0,1,18,21,10,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,2,2,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,0,18,6,11,17,1,8,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,1,4,61,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841183511946203,0.0,0.13320612048005367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614575843640203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229703949379102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807155779926481,0.0,0.0,0.17822561642211462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34115490944253624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934177861365001,0.0,0.3129869287547419,0.0,0.16415075117363234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791994475927133,0.2920977089944654,0.0,0.19197482816521128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536065302376584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727934555442661,0.1547714300159938,0.0,0.0,0.0956952445806996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506930040578843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571557576492071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340570941379542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324308752967375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071723156043328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995610060182498,0.3043880710336859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157308335316662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054083718285761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037974220926887,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Way-a-throwKonto,2018/01/26,"i need to say something i need to say something and I'm going to submit this first and then edit it so I can be sure I actually submitted something even if it's just this.

edit 1:  Ok now I have submitted something.  I have problems reaching out to people.  it feels like I can't say anything, I mean I dunno.  

edit 2:  if I say something it's going to be dramatic right?  and no one wants drama so I shouldn't say anything.  my mom who I live with or she lives with me doesn't want me to talk about the stuff that goes on in my head because she says I wouldn't want her to talk about the things that she deals with in her head? ok.

edit 3:  i just need to keep typing and saying something.  it's just i need to I dunno.  Ok I feel better after having said some stuff.  Like I feel like I'm not in the right situation, I'm going to college but I don't have a goal here, I don't even really want to be here, I'd like to try a trade but I don't feel like I can do anything because I'm dependent on a trust that supports me only if I am in school or working and they've been hard to work with, and I need to submit bills to them that are overdue by now, but I don't want to submit one of them because it relates to being trans and the trust managers are based in arkansas which is a conservative state even though the trust is supposed to take care of my medical expenses.  it's always hard for me to do anything with them.  and somehow they messed up my insurance application which i offered to do for them because it would be a lot easier but they wanted to do it so now I don't have health insurance.  and the therapist I was going to I don't really want to go to anymore, I forgot that I had an appointment yesterday and when I called her then she called me back, I felt a little bit like I was being chastised I mean yeah I did forget to go to the appointment and there's no point in making appointments if I don't go to them.... ugh

edit 4:  ok so some of that stuff is now on the internet and I never put that on the internet before so now it's there in case someone wants to hurt me in the future and they figure out that this profile is connected to my real identity.  oh well I have to get it out somehow.  it's killing me not talking to anyone, it's really hard, it's like I can't really connect with anyone, I'm just a faker, it feels like.  and like pretty much every day is just wake up and struggle through the day.  every class which is three days a week is incredibly boring and I've already failed.... thre semesters at two different colleges now.  i just don't feel lined up for school, i did well up until about 9th grade, everyone was always telling me how smart I was but it feels like lies, like I don't see any proof for it, I haven't contributed in any way to the real world, I haven't created any wealth or improved anyone's life, so... I dunno.

edit 5:  man there are a lot of thoughts swirling through my mind, there is a lot, uh, I guess I don't have as bad a need to say something... man my mom keeps telling me you're getting better!  you're better than you were!  and i mean I guess yeah after i came back from my first college and then i lived with her and my dad for a year and that sucked badly and then the trust came into effect after my great aunt who i had mixed feelings toward died and my mom I dunno, she said I had a concussion and I disagreed and there was a therapist my dad and I saw and we agreed I should try to move away and I told the trust that I had a concussion and so I was going to get concussion treatment at the local hospital, and so I'm here on a lie and then I'm settled here because now that I've been in this state for a year I qualify for lower cost tuition, I guess.  and my mom is living with me because... i dunno maybe she has a reality distortion field more insidious than my dad's I mean she has no income, she's been working on these lawsuits where she was supposed to get a big inheritance from her dad but some relatives didn't feel she deserved it and stole it for themselves and she's my only source of info on it so she could be lying... but I mean she files the papers and such and it keeps proceeding, and it wouldn't proceed if she was wrong I guess... still.. I feel like I'm doing a lot to support her and the only real reason I have to do that besides ""she's my mom"" which at this point isn't very strong to me is that there's this promise that if I support her, it'll improve the odds of her winning the lawsuit(s) and getting that money, and that'll make sure she's safe and I'll get a benefit from the security having a suddenly wealthy mom would be uuuggghhh, it feels so weird and wrong, and I'm taking my life in a direction I don't want to go because of her, I'm sort of lying to the trust, and depleting it a lot faster than I would really like to to support her, and spending it in ways I would rather not. god it feels so weird, these are not problems that anyone deals with, i mean who has a trust and also has a litigious justice-boner inheritance-cheated no-income disabled parent, or something.

edit 6:  well anyways, there's that, and it feels like scraping on in school and misusing my trust is enough to sustain me and my mom for a while, and it makes me complacent, so I don't get out to do anything, because I don't REALLY have to, but I really should.  And I feel horrible because it's just, ridiculous, this is where I start getting flashes of shit like winding up homeless (kind of again), I mean I guess it's what's going to happen unless I do something or my mom puppets me to do something.  

edit 7: and over all this I feel really ashamed.  I should do something.  but every time I think about something like that I get afraid.  and I see that like I'm not going to do anything, and I'm only going to wind up doing something when whatever stupid reward mechanisms work in my brain say I should do something, and it'll be too late and things will start falling down, and it'll lead to a spiral of me doing dumb shit and then eventually.. I dunno, something.  well then again that's what young 20's people do right is stupid shit?  and I do in fact have a proxy ""parent"" to bail me out sort of in the trust.  if I don't abuse their trust too badly. (a-ha-ha)

edit 8:  well I feel numb now.  I feel like I'm afraid of whatever someone's going to comment on this.  Like this is a really weird writing style and the content is dumb.  But I guess the evidence is opposite, so far, thanks for the kind comments, er.  all two of them.  yeah... I mean maybe that is why I'm afraid of saying something, and why it's so hard for me to say things, is I'm really afraid of what I say being meaningless and just a drain on someone's time.  or like... there's also this paranoia that whatever I say, is fake, or whatever they say, is fake.  like... if someone says something nice and encouraging, that means I can't trust it because why would someone say that without some sort of manipulative intent behind it?  oh and then:  but what if that way of thinking, and then saying it out here, is some sort of attention seeking?  what I'm just wanting to parade my weird ass thinking out here and then dare people to not laugh at me or something?  and then someone does and I'm just an idiot?  man I really drive myself up some bizarre chains of logic!

edit 9:  well that was... I, a little nice, I wrote out of my head instead of for someone else's.  like a lot.  You know I used to write a lot on a weird forum for people who believed in the UFO angels coming to save us in 2012 or some shit.  Basically I argued against them.  I was really into the paranormal for a while.  But skeptical at the same time.  I met a few really good friends on there who had paranormal experiences but were also skeptical.  I don't talk to them very much anymore, a couple of them I do a bit, it's just that writing in this way kinda reminds me of when I wrote on there.  That was the last time I ever actually made any friends.  Well I need to sleep for tomorrow, cause school y'know, I'm completely unprepared for English tomorrow, and economics is boring since I've had three intro econ classes already... Even though there's this econ theory I really want to geek out with someone about.  Probably may or may not could check this again and write more, maybe tomorrow too.  Or something.  Maybe I'll do this again, I mean it's probably not frowned upon right?  Well gnight.",2.5489471082550668,4.014100929642446,4.089102158510464,87.80606055363323,75.45905420991926,7.099614434008897,24.554111056187182,7.785200997615923,1.1793401021585108,6548,211,1396,93,140,2182,482,1734,0.125,0.723,0.152,0.9957,6,0,19,0,1,1,196.0,2,2,14,16,95,119,15,6,70,7,140,17,11,13,8,295,270,141,2,44,55,15,22,22,2,19,6,19,0,3,105,94,0,7,39,1,12,21,39,43,10,8,38,44,200,76,194,201,25,164,1,2,3,1,111,74,8,56,85,953,305,34,0.0,0.0284510529832516,0.04686574745955913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052997092863538806,0.05760870094460995,0.03996088181312297,0.0,0.0,0.06531767717533363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762817492285476,0.06716078757513894,0.0,0.1185621450935074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022560666646978138,0.03692847740098453,0.060148656624752266,0.14637883063135476,0.0,0.02043298885801088,0.027054023469225547,0.0,0.06371168873637788,0.05243116945777368,0.0,0.0,0.02680604878902669,0.04903918242624178,0.05492812847740284,0.02448248783607189,0.024667596871161792,0.0,0.02068476397832121,0.025176797206202414,0.0,0.0,0.038344279789689004,0.026569530514829628,0.0,0.04645850074446379,0.04951195691433375,0.0,0.0,0.02492133022845437,0.02508809899228493,0.0,0.0,0.02101362393849891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020059480302632604,0.0,0.0,0.024811477114192442,0.0,0.06344049159039654,0.021720808514571317,0.060695057042956226,0.02294510749394953,0.0,0.02348897054139014,0.0,0.0,0.20640571722249956,0.13723708410316995,0.023055901024191677,0.0,0.0,0.040850280298667295,0.0,0.0,0.037104213707906286,0.0,0.11291052443389428,0.0,0.17741018411393075,0.02014066398061761,0.0,0.026474021450716596,0.1587157874805006,0.0,0.02123429911420321,0.0,0.08604243901301667,0.0,0.07393169187267634,0.025524314478286802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02570602880859289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403061584733352,0.026566429473813463,0.050010940828434026,0.026393438993791055,0.01957350732186551,0.027087304940616227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033921676922359215,0.25808999604701904,0.04813394921490833,0.0848144076634903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290282061746712,0.0,0.022721341495097868,0.048085872942814314,0.0,0.0964957015243266,0.2615680557236124,0.0,0.024190209527745518,0.0,0.0,0.024245922153672925,0.22498651916897788,0.0,0.02552163718201656,0.035304108097961015,0.12463548315671848,0.01852002905487477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03254317395794591,0.07305078206036053,0.0,0.0,0.05332639220400747,0.0,0.0,0.06658936712372945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539941459207037,0.0,0.0,0.024429488575257608,0.05177937667546676,0.045953708876589484,0.0,0.02413933651919801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199492740854877,0.21536357765375252,0.024688994225466308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202665677072869,0.04568304081975797,0.3246288703481481,0.0,0.09720829857529256,0.038269931865297514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859452357347312,0.019863504757088302,0.026991214549899518,0.024029982620501936,0.0,0.16276666221602482,0.35123597935616263,0.0,0.0,0.03399254175374268,0.0,0.01917652610371488,0.0,0.0,0.02510322605390646,0.08246618683862235,0.0,0.10899704167831373,0.04526325988835122,0.0,0.03610903521137639,0.07720180494294203,0.04197621323016944,0.02210761361281737,0.0,0.05576105390004617,0.047858795027304224,0.04615899225296863,0.047184595684811634,0.019063354698796012,0.05600785623611163,0.0,0.0,0.02294510749394953,0.0,0.03260601398631715,0.0,0.04691372212532445,0.0,0.028884250498470945,0.020739211995114425,0.0,0.039625887228708086,0.15579605574625885,0.07624046684875886,0.01926149217266855,0.0,0.17272198433439434,0.0,0.06500302066678085,0.0,0.0,0.023147329010051943,0.0,0.06992595448569293,0.0,0.0,0.08528945597351563,0.05250810668461819,0.0,0.030926707009414474
suicidewatch,Lottie2604,2018/01/26,"Please help I don’t know if this is right place or not but I have to ask. 

I’ve tried asking everyone for help but maybe they just aren’t seeing how far I’ve gone. My depression is worse than it’s ever been, and I can’t cope. I’m numb, and yet something everything hurts in me. I can’t even cry properly. 

My supposed boyfriend says he deserves a night off now that he finished his exams for university, my family are busy, I don’t have anyone else to turn to so I’m relying on absolutely anything and anyone to just help me. Someone please just tell me it goes away and it’ll get better, even if it’s a lie. I can’t stop, I’m just spiralling down and I don’t know what to do. 

I’ve never been as close to taking my own life as I am now. I’ve got hundreds of pills and I’m fighting to just throw them away. I can’t do it anymore. Please help. ",0.2298770022883261,2.1388904945652167,2.3596681922196794,95.39356979405035,84.27173913043478,5.612814645308925,19.466819221967963,6.8360192770164,0.06414565217391299,657,18,157,8,19,221,103,184,0.141,0.733,0.126,-0.6956,1,0,1,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,13,5,1,0,2,0,19,3,0,1,2,24,33,15,0,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,4,2,19,1,19,28,1,20,0,2,1,0,14,10,0,3,8,93,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535006374497094,0.1908579720760095,0.13983841828745575,0.11231023039156494,0.0,0.25517807032753986,0.0,0.2564522091172755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070420006275875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991529527823874,0.0,0.0,0.11754878818022045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140103286363582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028561024395,0.12345267572404064,0.0,0.13041111766182845,0.12265813416868668,0.0,0.12865984494274862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130441734614848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915437610514077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659148215030817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610312671055264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001010036789794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963988467165568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711106265974113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526068308081067,0.0,0.0,0.1280758880822948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259105260052554,0.44943744237433575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655194893241068,0.0,0.10853323285626566,0.0,0.0,0.10875574648564007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156378453624286,0.1050678671923566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410219157152328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261489602625852,0.0,0.1192882814778952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265998704896247,0.1484494880773147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908331757848846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Modern-witch,2018/01/26,"Four months ago, before my best friend attempted suicide and cut off all ties with me, I was doing good. I was weaning off meds, then everything went to shit. I'm apathetic, I sit in my room for 6 hours every day. My grades are low rig, my friends tell me it's hard to be friends with me when I'm like this. Basically, I learned today their love is conditional. Back in therapy, mom won't get me better meds, says I need to exercise. I guess she hasn't noticed it's almost impossible to get out of bed for me most days. I want to fucking die, the only thing keeping me here is promises to my parents and friends not to. I'm not going to. But this isn't living and I want to go into a coma. I don't self harm, or anything. I'm just numb and insecure and extrordjnsry clingy, causing my friends to pull back and I'm alone and scared.",2.3634269199009097,3.7948126300578053,4.0986498761354255,87.68671965317921,75.878612716763,7.254995871180843,26.229975227085056,7.957251820313856,1.4059697770437658,647,24,143,10,14,218,110,173,0.173,0.634,0.193,0.7103,1,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,3,5,19,3,2,2,0,11,6,1,1,1,26,28,11,2,3,5,2,1,1,5,1,3,1,2,1,5,11,0,1,1,1,0,4,6,8,0,1,3,2,23,11,21,23,3,23,0,1,0,2,13,8,2,4,11,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488451602530544,0.0,0.1297778658925447,0.1342287762503332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665155429241516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931215866722726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102819126034418,0.0,0.1360094958833258,0.11462259939663255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331371431358586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671653734194701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450660504512538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919542939093738,0.0,0.11647808583500625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006516278393707,0.11981513036915685,0.1354235836106509,0.0,0.14731181526238632,0.10870416268126837,0.0,0.0,0.14277141672993393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609810005475878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763204448771975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519637565654385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331708045452512,0.0,0.11444110255302453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116971030718499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28791761854802145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178851107126531,0.10344722648354764,0.0,0.0,0.09609837696629724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755294504175487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856830073632716,0.0,0.0,0.14390788751870615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306485826041642,0.12975439508110653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352033426951314,0.0,0.13303477904610173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417637535878605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327802092590265,0.0,0.14821139190463456,0.0,0.08610193198172184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284771608027345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288545154437402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014252263867108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordOdin99,2018/01/26,"How do I stop? I’m a 36 yr old father of 2 kids (8-7).   I went through a nasty divorce that put me in a dark place and caused me to lose a wonderful woman (not the kids mother) 2 years ago. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and not a day goes by that I nearly break down into tears over losing her. I’ve tried professional help, focusing on work, working out, hobbies, dating, sex, alcohol, and time. Nothing seems to work.  I tried reaching out to her and she answered all the questions I could throw at her to get closure. Then I gave it more time.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve gone past considering suicide. I’m planning it out. I’ve researched how, gotten what I need to do it, picked out where, how I want to be found, and wrote letters to those I leave behind.  All I’m waiting for is our plant’s GoLive in a week to make sure everyone transitions well and they won’t struggle because of my absence.  I’ve been planning for 2 weeks now and the closer I get, the sadder I become but know it’s the right choice.

I was hoping I would snap out of it but more reasons keep popping up why I should. How do I stop?  I reached out to some friends and even a suicide hotline, which was useless. I just can’t handle the pain anymore.  It has to stop.",2.0881714087439285,3.6407771717557273,3.4217210270645384,91.74192921582235,76.90076335877863,5.832338653712701,24.88619014573213,6.351523495107088,0.6453984732824418,977,34,214,7,22,319,154,262,0.14400000000000002,0.77,0.086,-0.9438,0,0,1,0,1,2,36.0,1,0,1,8,11,10,0,1,15,0,15,3,0,8,4,51,37,15,2,6,5,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,13,15,1,5,7,0,0,4,4,5,1,0,11,0,28,5,35,21,6,42,0,3,0,1,19,21,0,5,16,136,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158593966922334,0.13452854037544726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248401585330801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673590874100998,0.1390257099085789,0.0,0.0,0.13210437687473314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931449542267565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005057610444888,0.0,0.0,0.08118285178247799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314323444463123,0.11386660029773946,0.0,0.12028472061937795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802205423634634,0.09725537308626866,0.0,0.13153528737710446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131618089711508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437540231255661,0.0,0.0,0.125028268149214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188884515379682,0.0,0.0,0.0691809231312145,0.0,0.0,0.1332898371353804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816573514449405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402656636337434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933391902187196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078624526459755,0.0,0.132090967648422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394629335436412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016768880990206,0.0,0.0,0.13151888606118065,0.0,0.11899826361524968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654520576617642,0.1410155651030324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294266663848379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750171355277427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459736380071105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157265380739085,0.0,0.13159818638180093,0.0,0.2753868354487954,0.0,0.11864138294902946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362976421817972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680448417222375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092991540309388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424789415735858,0.0,0.20194834173801215,0.0,0.11318216550067176,0.11669297784145324,0.11358805186655685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365126095130318,0.2749286716647386,0.0,0.0,0.08942227345204895,0.0,0.0,0.0810632574566434
suicidewatch,_zigg,2018/01/26,"Help. Where do I even begin with myself? And that's were it started.

It was the summer between 7th and 8th grade when puberty hit me like a freight train and the lock around my heart broke, the floodgates opened. An incident with a friend over text ended me with major trust issues, one less friend and the inability to keep my emotions inside.

All throughout middle school and high school I was a train wreck. I shook constantly. I hated everyone for being vile and hateful, the homophobics and the racists and the other nasties. The suicidal thoughts showed up around January in 8th grade, of a purge of the shitty school or just my own death.

Now, I've found this subreddit. I mean, where people's lives are entirely fucked makes me feel even more disgusted about the fact that I have bad thoughts. That was a bad way to explain it.

Who the hell am I to suggest that I can consider this, and how did I end up here, when all I did was experience some emotional pain?

I can't go to / talk to a therapist because trust issues and lack of understanding. Insomnia keeps me up at night with the company of whizzing thoughts of death, whispers or existential dread. I've started demonizing it, personifying it, and yesterday I swear I saw him in the crowd, my eyes are glassy, my heart hurts and I'm shaking but WHO AM I TO FEEL LIKE THIS, WHEN SOMEONE WAS REPEATEDLY RAPED WITH EVIL FEELINGS FOR YEARS, WHEN SOMEONE'S UNFORTUNATE ILLNESS HAS BEEN RUINING THEM, WHO THE HELL AM I?

I'm breathing heavily now. Maybe it's that I got it off my chest to someone who can respect anonymity.

Help.",4.3206000000000016,6.389764526666671,4.705333333333332,82.70100000000002,72.06666666666666,8.266666666666666,29.66666666666667,8.954980946260402,2.4946666666666664,1258,53,239,26,25,397,168,300,0.255,0.6709999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9957,1,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,1,0,16,25,9,3,21,0,21,10,5,2,3,43,46,20,3,1,4,0,3,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,20,20,0,2,10,1,0,3,1,18,0,1,15,6,29,7,31,29,8,36,3,3,2,2,14,15,3,3,19,158,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353918002814874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152656777447254,0.06626493809775949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747038607913647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445546958020287,0.19255892491017293,0.0,0.0,0.14359590898482608,0.0,0.0,0.1038713126191156,0.0,0.10633335245212076,0.0,0.0,0.1648919975306886,0.07765814602075398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119188304799591,0.16796885273066162,0.10049507915681301,0.0,0.0,0.06177897770471499,0.0,0.08694050421040332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464535312368413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25762948265841523,0.14572397468011086,0.11485172459483173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636986034070385,0.0,0.0,0.22691742876761006,0.0,0.1932421866005404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621454890798657,0.0,0.09598760711126106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256075167401473,0.0,0.10920776010830667,0.11841050339121745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201132271915828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366063106689355,0.0,0.11566870039303648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536165358390516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300426977673485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27631359200652433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388247503971852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890451226388984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737214260276277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621370074536273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889645659884697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316467827246506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628416066870673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000180001121749
suicidewatch,BlindTaz,2018/01/26,"I don't want to try and fix it I have massive depression and I drink so much to try and help. I've made huge mistakes and I can't get over them. I want to die and I have no motivation for anything else, the only thing stopping me is that I'm scared.",-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,86.5,5.161904761904762,20.047619047619047,6.42735559955562,-0.09500238095238077,194,6,49,2,6,66,39,56,0.312,0.568,0.12,-0.8703,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,11,10,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,5,9,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,30,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349448573946829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459035403954963,0.0,0.2963073098243385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27968450360819525,0.0,0.0,0.2385013396339883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916367018921198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136681773537512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701500887912321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987774730240116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713809530274766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858385707636327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386935102325791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967568044426508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876759466615196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367944410104972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blurog44,2018/01/26,"I am a disgrace of a man I don't even know where to start. Maybe i'm in the wrong part of reddit because i'm not really suicidal. I have suicidal thoughts but i wouldn't be able to go through with it. Not yet. But i certainly feel like shit and i hate my life. Or to be more precise i hate myself.

I am good at nothing. I have absolutely no talents. I can't dance. I'm an average Singer. My drawing is on preschool level. I'm horrible at sports, i can't even kick a ball straight. I never won a fight in my entire life even against people with no experience whatsoever. I i am not even that good at video games. At least those that require some thinking. Average at card games. Bad at RTS. Good at league of legends if my teammates do the complicated stuff and i just kill the enemy.

I have no fucking spine. I wouldn't be able to stand up for myself if my life depended on it. When i was at a summer work i made a mistake that was unavoidable and i knew it. But when my boss told me that he is going to cut my pay for that instead of trying to defend myself i just bowed my head and said mea culpa. When this happened to another guy he told the boss that it was impossible to not make this mistake and the boss agreed with him and decided that from now on he will give us a pass if that happens again. Even then i was too afraid to continue so i just quit.

I'm slightly overweight. Not much, just a few kg but it is visible if i'm shirtless (man boobs). That's why i don't really go to the beach. My problem is that it is a constant reminder of my weak will. If i just stopped shoving down fast food and drinking pepsi i would look normal. I try to work out but i just can't say no to eating and i have to face the consequences of my actions.

I wanted to go to an acting school. Become an actor. Play in some cool movies or in the theater. I applied to two schools. I didn't pass the exam to the first one. I didn't care. I passed the exams in the second one. But i didn't enjoy them at all. At one moment they told me to take of my shirt. While some other students were watching. I did it. But i was ashamed for reasons that i said befoer. They asked me if i had a girlfriend. I casually said no. But it did come back later to bite me in the ass. They asked me to play out one scene with some girl from the student audience. Some girlfriend-boyfriend problems. And the end it reached a moment when we forgave each other and she told me to hug her. And so i did. And the one of the teachers said ""Hug her like it's your girlfriend not your freakin aunt"". So yeah, i can't even hug. After the exam the girl said ""Now i understand why you don't have a girlfriend"" which was suposed to be a friendly joke but was a big kick in the balls and was hurting like hell. I passed the exam but i decided that i can't show myself there again. Oh and they posted the photos of those that passed the exam on Facebook. Guess which photo of me they posted.

And yeah i don't have a girlfriend. In fact i never had one. Never had sex. Never kissed. And that is just pathetic. Almost all my friends are in relationships right now. For fuck's sake one girl i knew from school is getting married. And then there is me. A 20 year old fucking virgin. How pathetic must a man be to not even fucking kiss in the 21st century Europe? Once i was drinking with my friends , then got drunk and spontaneously started crying about it. I actually wanted to kill myself then. Then because i just stopped caring i finally confessed it to someone . And my friends where like ""it doesn't matter, it isnt' really important"". Sure as hell it isn't when you already did it! One girl said that i'm a very great guy and will surely find someone in college, like a mother telling her 40 year old son. I knew it was bullshit anyway. Lies told so i can feel better. Because if i am really such a great guy, then why the hell where none of the girls in my class interested in me for the 3 years we went to school together? Sure, they liked me (some of them) but just as a friend. Right now my desperation is reaching it's limits. I tried talking to random girls when i had a excuse to do so. All had a boyfriend. Tried Tinder. After 7 months of using it i went on exactly 2 dates and the girls didn't want to go out one more. And out of all the things i said about myself this hurts me the most. All the things i stated above actually contribute to this. I don't have talents and physique to impress and the courage to try harder. One of those things is pathetic on its own. All off them make me just sick of life. I said i wouldn't be able to kill myself because i'm too much of a coward, but i really don't how long can i carry on like this. I still have some hope that i can fix this and some dignity that i haven't yet lost. But every day i realise that it's one more day of failing at things that normal people succeed at. And i know that one day will be one day too much

So yeah. That's me. Not an artist. Not a sportsman. Not a gamer. Not an actor. Not a lover and not a fighter. But a coward, a virgin, and a ""very nice guy"".

I actually feel kinda bad for writing this. People here have actual serious problems not some teenage bullshit. And they don't need walls of text to say it. I don't even know what i want to acomplish with this. Am i just looking for attention? Bitching instead of fixing my problems? Hoping that they will fix themselves? Wasting your time? So if you respond, thank you. If not i don't blame you i would have done the same thing.


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suicidewatch,Mngljingoo,2018/01/26,"An existential crisis and all the typical nonsense I wrote this poem Aug 25, 2015. And more than 2 years later, I still do not wish to exist. Self-harm, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, severe depression, whatever the fck else that makes me feel this way ... I can’t keep track anymore. It is me though. It is my weakness, my fault, and ultimately my decision. It feels like I can’t remember a time I didn’t feel so heavy, such like a burden, such waste of space, such a shame...an awe of an existence and yet, for the past 15ish years, I cannot shake this mentality or feeling of ... just ... unworthiness.

Daddy’s girl... the one thing that kept me alive. Dad. My dad is gone. Halloween 2017. He would’ve turned 48 in December. He was Superman. He was unstoppable, he was the cement. I was the small flower that grew in the cracks. I was the battered, poor, sorry excuse of an existence that happened to sprout through. Stepped and tarnished. He was the cement, immovable and strong. I continued in the cracks because he kept my roots strong, away from harm at all cost. He was my conscience, my step in the right direction, my reason to not self harm because it would hurt him. He was the best person I knew, the kindest, the best way to exist. He was my sun. And now the sun is gone. 

It’s not fair. I’m the one with the death wish, not him. He needs to be here...not me. 
I do NOT want to be here. But I will continue to exist a painful existence. For my mother who is without a husband, for my brother who is without a father. I’m sure my day will come, that certain exit, red glowing light in my face with a door handle within my reach. I just don’t know when. 
—————————————
Drowning on dry land

I take a sip and drag of this smoke and sink deeper
There are no words that can be spoken to ease the weights
This must be that feeling that comes when one is drowning on dry land
A feeling of darkness inside amidst a room full of lights 

I feel no pressure, no pain, no aching, just a pulsating of my synapsis firing
Considerably slowing down causing me to rot in the same spot
It's as if someone pressed pause on the rotation of my existence, I'm admiring
This blank numbness I feel, while being scorched alive, yet I feel no heat

I look at the clock...
Time is no longer required...
What a strange feeling...
Have I cut my string to reality?...
Have I let go of my conscience to wander freely into desolate surroundings...
Have the universe pushed me to the brink of existence to test me?...",1.902081510290067,4.285072301652892,3.0074574623237744,90.40369064981371,81.14876033057851,6.275417274347756,24.15961756603468,7.5105763829236425,1.1585789661319073,1910,71,393,30,51,611,245,484,0.184,0.733,0.083,-0.9935,2,0,1,0,0,0,100.0,0,0,0,5,17,22,1,2,38,0,39,6,1,4,5,65,73,19,4,7,13,6,13,2,0,4,4,0,2,3,24,15,1,4,17,0,2,10,18,13,0,3,17,18,47,9,50,46,7,55,0,2,3,0,25,25,0,2,20,249,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024632117855128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707020554182176,0.0,0.0,0.1259627953260001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685071381773774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613554714382524,0.0,0.1779977801523567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666312493774651,0.0,0.08898722353862085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863085256525203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224043949459227,0.07381005274748463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871772424044304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136333654521314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060353575360024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918333537232098,0.0,0.0,0.056780603786501974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564915818683536,0.0,0.10095143728197724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676069069915697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896524296401381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041197537173493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660862760547288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003186438448146,0.0,0.21987423894877392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862825786977801,0.0,0.09021286820726172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622761204655584,0.0,0.0,0.11703860297817853,0.08823259256070792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556539992718146,0.1167193828202494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875405944552512,0.0,0.0,0.11565549835347885,0.0,0.0,0.08250950025517291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301259136119708,0.0,0.097375534367103,0.0,0.0776819126121584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863956553202585,0.0,0.10150893307370226,0.08202256555112229,0.12049054670829888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123797870164063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093934670595511,0.16401726738435596,0.0,0.1258128983256553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237620084779004,0.19918879347928095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678759544560266,0.0,0.0,0.13306618342050058
suicidewatch,rach3121,2018/01/26,"Life throwing more lemons I've posted before... things were bad then. I didn't think I could cope with much more.

More has happened. It's becoming unbelievable the shit life is throwing at me. I'm trying to hold it together, but I don't know how right now.

This is everything

* Grampie died
* Issues with abusive uncle causing chaos within the family
* Almost fainted on way home from therapy
* No shifts at work, then get given shift outside my availability which I have to turn down
* Tonic clonic seizure (I also have epilepsy, but am usually seizure free)
* Muscle and joint injury from seizure
* New med for epilepsy had sevvere side effects
* External hard drive with entire DVD collection died
* Laptop playing up - needs repair, can't afford repair or a new one for 4 months+
* Intervention order served within extended family. I'm smack-bang in the middle of it.
* Family dog had to be euthanised because of illness
* Nanna died
* Mum’s very unwell, frail, and in pain
* Family upset about intervention order and needing my support
* Stopped new epilepsy med because of severe side effects
* Muscle and joint injury from seizure not improving
* Needing twice weekly physio to manage pain, but can only afford once a week, and even that’s pushing it
* Male physio who is truly lovely, and respectful doing massage with my top off - triggering, but so helpful for pain management
* Rent inspection cleaning to be done, and nowhere near enough energy (I have ME/CFS) for that
* NDIS application to be done
* Disc drive on laptop is dead - can’t rip DVD’s to replace what was on my now dead hard drive
* Need new laptop asap, but can't afford one
* Multiple medical appointments next week, and nowhere near enough energy for them.

Just.. stop. Fucking stop. I can't deal with more. I'm hoping my laptop will hold and and keep sort of working for a few more months. I need it to cope with the hospital admission in a week or so. It's my major distraction from pain, and my only way of really keeping in touch with the world whilst I'm there.

I'm not even feeling anymore. Emotions are gone. I'm on autopilot doing the bare minimum to get by. 

I'm emotionally exhausted and worn out, and having my laptop fucking die would be the last straw. I rely on it so much because I'm mostly housebound from the ME/CFS. Without it... I'm even more isolated and alone... and I'm trying to find reasons to stay alive.





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suicidewatch,earringthrwy,2018/01/26,"Being ugly is going to take my life I am a 32 year old man.  My life is absolutely pathetic. I make 15 an hour working a job a hamster could do if they had vocal chords. Outside of work I have no life.  Sleep, and food are the only mild joys I get anymore. I will die a virgin as well,  outside of paying a few hookers to sleep with me. I cannot bear that I am unable to attract women due to something outside of my control,  an ugly face,  and horrible genetics overall. This weekend I am getting a motel, and overdosing on pills. I live with a few people,  and cannot bear to have them find me. I'm not looking for sympathy,  or even care if I get any response. Peace out cruel world ",1.9488297872340432,3.5324907801418455,4.2237056737588645,85.70875000000002,77.36879432624112,6.402127659574468,26.643617021276608,7.1686216300943375,1.3632170212765953,524,21,107,6,12,182,94,141,0.17600000000000002,0.727,0.098,-0.9119,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,3,2,5,1,0,10,0,15,9,3,2,0,15,24,8,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,7,1,1,1,2,1,1,4,1,1,0,1,1,17,4,14,20,2,9,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,3,5,71,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412842888430335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102329352377314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610415322107016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472583455924356,0.14573743013603827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894400230223213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056106232353266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683149165962013,0.0,0.2207191472629978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860972528638292,0.0,0.10373748436147064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975784488819654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811354425557265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867845254377915,0.0,0.0,0.1611796319970421,0.0,0.15328141393455136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184192943460075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153726084161807,0.0,0.0,0.1388242692951503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654512344768484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653288503561713,0.0,0.0,0.14052251499870813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724180047874598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411873076607245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657718168772292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754501132485146
suicidewatch,garbagegirl81,2018/01/26,"Week away I picked a date to end this misery and torment I have been in

I watch tv, I exercise, I talk to a couple friends and they have no idea of how bad I am.

I've always been a good pretender at letting everyone think I was okay.

I'm not okay, my life has been turned upside down and soon I'll be homeless.

I live in constant physical pain, nothing helps..I am unloved. I have no living family left.

I can't work due to the pain, I get very little cash from the government per month, it's not enough to safely live on.

I pray to God that something will change for me but I think God has better things to do than listen to one broken down woman",2.090192435301926,3.4116410583941637,3.4789515593895177,92.30312541473127,76.37226277372262,6.4416721964167225,21.94359654943597,6.980632752743323,0.423312408759124,503,13,114,5,11,165,95,137,0.13699999999999998,0.728,0.136,-0.2729,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,2,10,0,0,5,2,16,4,0,2,0,12,22,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,3,1,0,5,4,0,1,4,2,16,6,18,15,1,16,1,0,1,0,5,9,0,0,7,71,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731376641688187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550461335993322,0.0,0.13778872756420124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595093248249444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745742462284869,0.0,0.0,0.1783330696190893,0.0,0.0,0.1825966866287433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616289819056705,0.1705146242191884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768816842273806,0.0,0.0,0.15557059599155534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749767029656395,0.0,0.0862185921979546,0.0,0.0,0.13841488494917176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862927942199208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929981439656406,0.16874893180107342,0.11656182271373525,0.0,0.1653980983234325,0.4371594882648267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317211374325641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834564596698733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182500446869174,0.0,0.3511958220013809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270440728880868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326405991298163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963507482317493,0.2114823228010395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949948054970633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616265648066025,0.0,0.0,0.13237285650537606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013994367827947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throw_Away_0451,2018/01/26,"I don't know what to do. I am a University student who has absolutely no friends. I've never had friends really, 'cause I have social anxiety. The only thing that got me through high school was the thought that I would make some friends and learn to enjoy life at Uni. I've failed at that though. I hate my course 'cause I don't have enough work  to do, and my flatmates who I thought were my friends have ditched my for better people (not that I blame them). My only 'friend' stopped talking to me after I broke down and told her how lonely and depressed I feel (which I deeply regret now). 

I can't bring myself to get up in the morning and face the world because I see everyone enjoying themselves and doing things and I just can't.

I just don't know what to do. I can't leave Uni because my family won't accept me back. I can't carry on like this with nobody to talk to. I just don't know. I've thought about ending it but I can't bring myself to do it, 'cause my family would be devasted. But what choice is there. I don't know.",2.6476690489279804,4.04936351401869,3.6007201759208383,91.66822155030238,75.07476635514018,6.717537108301264,23.80318856514568,7.285733465282438,0.747650137438153,808,24,180,9,17,259,113,214,0.11,0.8079999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.3938,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,9,16,1,0,5,0,28,2,1,5,1,35,44,11,0,3,6,0,1,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,15,8,0,1,10,0,0,2,14,6,0,0,8,2,34,10,20,32,2,16,0,5,1,0,13,8,0,1,7,124,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348081078999784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396239275529454,0.0,0.1489810156589603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807382525138554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37659171273748504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524859272250683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823078173329273,0.12626276096509725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676502005476448,0.0,0.0,0.2303939977562232,0.0,0.06178676580042805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720477185454882,0.0,0.06384318968116101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773256409037484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064480716659673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291084476309181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686263670141335,0.0,0.0,0.1293895885202038,0.0,0.0,0.08631176138911026,0.05969956295260308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815678305276937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942463034691604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587352520670195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471641274383483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828289591469965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236704702258055,0.09737564670211876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245650395213271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216264476537952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643556485415675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623652787457666,0.0,0.12005849750030165,0.2910336760422197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676502005476448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896129033197506,0.0,0.0,0.17361130323461907,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Syphergg,2018/01/27,"Rambling thoughts... I just am waiting for the day I can't handle being yelled at, emotionally beat down, the moment the last thing that brings me any enjoyment to be taken from me. Today feels like one of the last steps down to my eventual demise. It's like I have been taking tiny steps keeping my hope alive but the farther down I go the hope starts to dwindle. The steps start to become bigger, the darkness grows as you take more steps towards it, it pulls you in and you feel relaxed when you realize it could all be gone. That relaxed feel visits you everytime you go down a big step and that feeling lasts for a little longer everytime. 

You realize that you could feel nothing at all if you made a decision. That decision could give you a escape, it won't solve anything that life has thrown at you, but you will have escaped it. Part of me wants a resolution for my suffering. I haven't suffered as much as most but I want to see how I could turn out. There is good in the world and in a perfect world that I chose not to end myself, I'd like to think I would add some happiness and kindness. Though that's assuming I can put up the fight that is needed and I'm not sure I have any self confidence left.",4.693626543209877,5.383315654320989,4.998145576131686,86.27894675925928,69.41152263374485,8.379526748971193,27.944701646090536,8.472884824447931,1.7424158436213992,956,31,200,14,16,302,136,243,0.054000000000000006,0.7340000000000001,0.212,0.9913,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,12,0,2,5,16,1,0,16,0,21,1,0,2,4,46,49,15,0,11,7,0,5,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,16,7,0,2,12,2,0,13,5,3,0,1,5,7,30,13,29,34,7,43,0,2,1,0,16,20,0,6,13,136,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156227469875074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380442265679596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393143373948724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028576732602268,0.0,0.0,0.08135139328789827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189318818802807,0.11172469896747278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189068626630417,0.09011613448286766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210072557232946,0.14337923188545695,0.10580223534840676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428089869699344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250575671856524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212113453496422,0.0,0.13135786726339513,0.0,0.3084686031584755,0.0,0.0,0.13705405432137693,0.0,0.08909808655280521,0.1848803711629539,0.1264277937406864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935896068815445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092729156231907,0.09353296916696748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103700629557862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547733464488176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365998944538055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126807922818057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051913735009682,0.0,0.13159400275833738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856843777251388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888769108982927,0.0,0.18968672757335772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380338569180128,0.08082693742526281,0.12393423827208833,0.10014295170770844,0.0,0.0,0.11956821751941107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720667609564366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488040763726212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960792059617853,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bapscap,2018/01/27,"i read that a starvation/dehydration combo can kill you in about 10 days relatively painlessly i made a post here earlier today whining about my sob story. looking up easy ways to die i found that info. god, is it real, can it be real? i’m trying it right now and i can say that after you ignore the initial hunger pangs, you can’t feel them anymore! this is a great start, i’m excited!",1.7415384615384608,4.005562833333337,4.0971153846153845,83.05413461538461,80.92307692307692,6.976923076923077,22.570512820512814,8.07648339933343,1.4330205128205133,303,10,59,6,8,105,59,78,0.202,0.642,0.156,-0.6103,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,0,8,14,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,9,2,6,11,0,10,0,2,1,0,5,3,1,0,5,36,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795952607616224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824079555250794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385585690515256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622420985715624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520298150970283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253421651911317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543062245066313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930246533284711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749925322255856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201425062538639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299223761561058,0.5232623987230949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196299331575842,0.0,0.18279403526581167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269621334133794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178805669024669,0.0,0.0,0.15605996886491788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245230600184745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cmahdjoub,2018/01/27,"What's the point in going on? Okay so here are some reasons that stripped me out of reality and out of my mind .
Being dumped after a 2yr relationship , i study in a university where i know no one , and all of my friends didnt make it to university .
I lost my only best friend to some rich manipulative assholes , and now he just turned his back on me .
No university accepted me , so im stuck to a shitty public college thats worth nothing and im just wasting 5 yrs of my life and i have no future whatsoever .
My dad and mom are careless , i appreciate the roof they made availble for me , but thats all ive been offered a roof . 
Then we move on to self hate ,my lack of belief , body shaming and not living up to my goals . 
 IM A FAILURE , JUST ANOTHER FAILURE , just cosmic dust ,impactless , irrelevant .



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suicidewatch,JW_NORTH,2018/01/27,"I think I'm going to end my life very soon. At least the ones in my situation. No matter how much I do or how hard I try, the very fact that I'm alive sucks. I'm a loser, I'll be the first to admit it.

What do I provide to this world? Nothing. I work a shitty job in a shitty town, I have no friends at all (and even when I do make them I don't keep them), I hate everything about myself and others do too.

I was bullied as a kid and teen, most of it from my own parents. Always humiliated and taunted by people around me.

I just work and sleep because I have no energy to do anything and no self confidence to put myself out there. I honestly want to just die ASAP",1.1453908045977028,2.390898062068967,3.6893965517241414,90.13317528735635,78.72413793103449,6.488505747126437,21.048850574712645,7.1686216300943375,0.4026436781609197,509,13,120,6,12,179,91,145,0.17,0.655,0.174,-0.091,2,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,4,11,5,2,0,7,0,10,2,1,3,2,22,21,11,1,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,1,1,21,2,17,19,5,14,0,1,0,0,7,8,1,2,4,88,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369088302602802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188783749881225,0.17512687650734246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992167817725792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416939597860853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423987772515032,0.0,0.0,0.1299349465885291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768036627026562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733410651998384,0.0,0.0,0.15198917617075916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180329892551913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622687714474586,0.1942251188823842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952191163562257,0.17485813747831125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895262059310073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131540389751511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446154430732257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876285523311007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330588915824265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184397298660136,0.0,0.0,0.1363842814530697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776286864582396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522698348599944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112703940217385,0.196866980696023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605337784777862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335632993871153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246373041261032,0.1160334478937282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864361524785478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SixxFour,2018/01/27,"I'm on the edge and I'm fucking terrified Between work, home, depression, anxiety, stress, this migraine, addiction...I just...I don't see any light anymore. There's nothing left to enjoy but the shallow highs provided by stimulants.

I'm seriously sitting on an edge, ready to pull the trigger...",3.061940700808627,6.14059832075472,4.50625336927224,76.24056603773586,84.66037735849056,8.311590296495956,35.873315363881396,8.841846274778883,4.334527762803235,233,15,37,7,7,77,42,53,0.223,0.7170000000000001,0.06,-0.706,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,6,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,15,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159797837394567,0.0,0.2380348701815108,0.0,0.3085849333026361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26799976266540043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287660378040638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287553061579805,0.3121166500260106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33807386703491243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985643071654314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479524859240904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564302158816296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652658889451066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AWittyandUniqueName1,2018/01/27,"I'm deeply concerned. Need advice Hey y'all,

So my friend recently has gone through a tough streak. She lost her boyfriend of 5 years, and heard that an old coworker (and former friend) had just died in an overdose. She has been telling me for weeks she is depressed, and having gone through it before and battled my own demons, I offered comfort and support. In the past week, I've noticed certain signs...She has completely lost her personality (more so than when she began suffering her depression) and it has steadily gotten worse. She told me a few days ago that she has been thinking about suicide, and of course I have done my absolute best to dissuade her from taking this drastic course of action. Once again, I explained things how I wanted them told to me when I was going through this, and had my first (and only) attempt. Since this, she's been more distant and I am genuinely frightened to even go to sleep, or for her to stop texting me, and it's making me sick. I want to help her, but I don't know what else I can do for her. Again, I'm doing everything the way I think she would need it, because that's how I wanted it, but I understand that it is not the same for everyone. 

I've made her feel loved and wanted, I've assured her over and over again that she is not alone in this world, but I think that I have made little dent in her crisis. Please, I need some help in what to do, anything at this point, because I don't want her to make a mistake she can't take back, and I would be devastated to lose her. Thank you for reading my rant and thank you in advanced for those of you who can help. Bless you all and I hope you have a pleasant day.

TL;DR: My friend is contemplating suicide and I am out of options on what to do for her; need advice.",5.754406779661018,5.4158318135593255,5.713000000000001,85.62882203389833,67.0225988700565,8.548926553672317,30.97683615819209,7.7348632917899725,1.810513446327684,1378,47,293,13,20,432,175,354,0.129,0.7140000000000001,0.157,0.8914,0,1,0,0,0,2,48.0,0,6,1,7,13,23,1,0,9,0,34,3,1,6,3,58,74,27,3,13,7,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,23,18,0,1,7,1,0,6,5,9,0,1,18,2,60,14,39,53,8,40,2,6,0,1,46,14,0,4,19,209,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080222539148536,0.08654147751170754,0.0,0.0,0.10111333557547053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033966113721253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750700324720451,0.0,0.11902644616940344,0.0,0.08307437755507993,0.0,0.10245473573456022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236127329535233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592417938489375,0.0,0.16817399050048004,0.0,0.10132262151955124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999075083224028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155580428294787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448248206960468,0.0,0.0,0.09328789518949593,0.08774189938421803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936373349985195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304246706990796,0.0,0.0,0.22628183374503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096867174798827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963143027719834,0.0,0.0,0.09696679607159556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053653886153995946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784906892680614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922094404696013,0.21314534900408494,0.0,0.08811323035226512,0.18475626008885476,0.13033511614237187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895601885047257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115031265226846,0.10244433608868464,0.10397080922881373,0.0,0.07425061859216205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319713011875372,0.0,0.0852451477729531,0.0,0.10716640771679713,0.09229017190802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765458432603732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639603474911476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075902674955597,0.0,0.09769867065115803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162151723764934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357873310615197,0.1107872844214492,0.0,0.0,0.14680845984622026,0.0,0.08533131913416768,0.17976579470339932,0.0,0.0,0.06485981460434098,0.1876685577735112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657579037899186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016343625553832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28791810516441435,0.07749269296799681,0.15662284985773292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949144049600572,0.13870449431059795,0.0,0.0,0.06286933723913223
suicidewatch,vicncak,2018/01/27,"i cant take how unfair life has been treating me is it possible to be 100% unattractive?

when i say this i don't mean in terms of looks, in fact i'm talking in terms of completely removing looks from the equation. when i ask this i'm asking more of: is it possible to have no good personal qualities? is it possible to be completely boring, uninteresting, weird, awkward and scary to the point that nobody would ever want to date you?

i feel this way right now, i feel that no matter how much i do to better myself i still end up as that weird socially awkward and just devoid of any positive traits person. ive had girls openly call me ugly to my face before, all because i tried to start a conversation with them. usually when i try to keep a conversation going i fail becuase i have no idea what to say, ask or what topics there are.

im considering ending my life soon, every girl i genuinely like and want to get to know better ends up either not liking me or leading me on, i see no point in trying anymore, i dont want to live a lonely life anymore, goodbye.",5.222591660675771,5.399199023364488,6.54495327102804,77.45831416247306,68.11214953271029,9.57526959022286,29.54565061107117,9.466822959209583,2.5151262401150243,837,28,164,16,13,285,128,214,0.165,0.735,0.1,-0.9241,0,2,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,1,4,11,13,0,2,5,0,17,4,1,3,3,27,37,11,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,1,3,2,0,4,11,5,0,1,5,0,0,3,8,7,0,0,2,7,25,6,27,32,6,30,0,2,3,0,16,11,0,2,17,109,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744245285900324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707474114377598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069413786883632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671502071976812,0.0,0.09312735107592728,0.0,0.0,0.19358567154397407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175284218134794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294963745815584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128265580600554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290800226347593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899684154119344,0.09220987239623812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106746478361815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717909363894946,0.0,0.06219859092806595,0.09179502315883173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354705468288887,0.11821648290372055,0.0,0.0,0.09727736004196354,0.0,0.0,0.0601466353345608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319070355628032,0.10693597601620247,0.0,0.09663957110804676,0.0,0.18380796528610846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921476747671406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045269568999712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112161987389245,0.0,0.0,0.2069167291548602,0.37013930568447495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934631408522174,0.0,0.17406584656038934,0.0,0.0,0.08721135721351157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156265992504336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746383536598478,0.0,0.08740077583790108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228700222249878,0.08796558891331617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291244806066654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053525043214965,0.0,0.19365574259994614,0.0868702172226915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774468204054658,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Krampus521,2018/01/27,I’m alone. I want to die. I have no one. I feel so meaningless. I wish I just had someone to talk to. I don’t know why I’m writing this here. I am just so alone it’s crushing me. ,-4.17436046511628,-3.118898348837206,-0.32165697674418503,106.94216569767444,113.88372093023256,3.080232558139535,14.67732558139535,5.148860815047168,-1.285602325581395,133,4,39,1,8,48,29,43,0.37,0.535,0.095,-0.9067,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,8,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6475289791755927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244346223302041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806247405218385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179952541556132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118292293325776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26486919086942656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25126004711895056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843825205273044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28207737798670285,0.0,0.3594803072871064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qluten,2018/01/27,No escape Raped and abused all my life it will never go away Ive planned a day and I won’t fail this time ,-2.6678,-1.0136634799999982,-0.4084999999999983,109.12325,103.8,2.5,10.25,3.1291,-2.3196,83,1,23,0,4,27,23,25,0.435,0.511,0.054000000000000006,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,14,5,1,0.0,0.5610847734089415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449201420076119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30540354550288723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691319963896248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344856237981321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36523450685282255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613349973249185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lucasleite49,2018/01/27,"I don't know anymore There are some things I need to say that I never told anyone.

I am 18 and I fell like I'm already a failure, I don't want to do anything of my life. There are no careers that interest me, I don't feel like doing college I just want to be unproductive for the rest of my life. But I feel so much guilty this way.

I hated school all my life and the only way I could put my self through High School was the thought that school was ending. But when it finally ended, I had to go to college, and then I went to a whatever college doing a whatever class that my father said would get me money in the future.I hated every second that I was in that terrible place so I dropped it. 

My parents invested too much in me, I can't do that to then, but I really hated college and school. I don't know what to do, I can't sleep thinking that I'm a failure.

I never had a good relationship with my parents, even though they always did everything for me. They are divorced and I live with my mother but we barely talk. 

My father... I can't stand my father, every time I see him he talks about how I'm a failure and how he wanted a son that he could be proud of. Sometimes I think that he blames me for the divorce and for his life being the mess it is.

Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate. I just needed to say this things to someone.",2.371939820742636,3.563294542253523,4.194545454545455,87.98227272727276,75.40845070422534,6.853777208706785,24.17669654289373,7.348242739294969,0.9372028169014079,1046,32,228,12,22,355,130,284,0.14400000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.063,-0.9656,2,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,1,0,2,1,13,11,3,0,13,0,29,5,1,2,3,37,54,19,0,8,6,7,2,2,0,1,4,3,0,1,19,10,0,0,7,1,2,4,10,5,0,1,10,6,46,6,25,38,5,22,0,0,1,0,26,5,0,1,11,166,65,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116029782076842,0.0,0.08415090679847552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029693858253264,0.0707146704391763,0.0,0.08322398946924335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149322879942818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791479579066778,0.0,0.0,0.0667975111264908,0.0,0.17041813081888066,0.0,0.09089198046145666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022719483453563,0.0722495635085553,0.0,0.11078645458661493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052837912072986735,0.0,0.057476316418596525,0.08482571257653193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995442307143427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685275654100446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116030097856268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857334216487716,0.09881712595622978,0.0,0.08930245017909558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868904665558216,0.14997794201342046,0.15600028509781574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691634010311561,0.0,0.0,0.22459285464439985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566264728209243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166677838110086,0.0,0.0,0.10116054738758448,0.0,0.1295770086619035,0.0,0.0,0.1085791865463412,0.0,0.0,0.09620081279167282,0.16085032675654062,0.0,0.4094087068299627,0.08059005015557685,0.0,0.10550396235028286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120621648558226,0.0,0.08568981464231372,0.0,0.10002330030923304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257403735005035,0.0,0.093109843840231,0.0,0.0,0.13437678106183848,0.12960411544990896,0.09936283519380193,0.08028844768875207,0.05897157014888098,0.0,0.0,0.09663708680073553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895290828735327,0.16054962075324578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375147043309602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184210893127027,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Himeskr,2018/01/27,"I failed suicide attempt I woke up with the rope around my neck, my body crumpled in a heap. Looks like the knot came loose. I have really bad bruising around my neck and I can't swallow well. This really hurts. It hurts. I don't really know what to do now. ",0.12929919137466328,2.479559018867924,1.61191374663073,96.99150943396229,90.88679245283018,5.292722371967655,17.005390835579515,6.868970318607317,-0.06660431266846345,200,5,45,3,7,64,39,53,0.363,0.597,0.04,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,4,4,3,0,0,6,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,1,8,2,6,6,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203808146752668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714428477773616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622680387230166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270050086166038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055271670217589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976139315257354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115352763698315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982752444537842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453779623206156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582690271126979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229371928929452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qqwerrthjkl,2018/01/27,"My only obstacle now is getting the nerve to do it I'm not sure why I'm posting this, I guess just so I can tell somebody, since I can't tell my family. The pain is overwhelming. Everything is bleak. I'm stupid, and I'm useless. I've no friends, I've no motivation. Every day is a fight to get up, a fight to get dressed, a fight to get through the day. I fantasize about hanging myself daily. I've almost tried twice, with pills and a rope. I pussied out of the pills and I couldn't tie the fucking noose right. The only way I can feel anything other than anger and sadness is to cut myself, the deeper and bloodier the better. I've waited so long, being told it'll get better, but it isn't. Nothing is getting better. Nothing is improving in the slightest. I'm a waste of breath and I'd like to save everybody the trouble of caring about me.",1.5531643002028377,3.6113678390804616,3.3891210277214334,88.99445233265725,80.3793103448276,6.163083164300202,24.603110209601077,7.285733465282438,1.1260538201487489,660,25,137,9,17,221,96,174,0.188,0.6829999999999999,0.129,-0.5898,0,0,0,0,3,2,24.0,0,0,0,4,6,20,7,1,15,0,15,5,1,1,1,19,32,9,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,12,0,1,1,1,12,8,17,28,0,11,0,3,0,1,7,4,1,2,5,78,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512690583507067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243130334937932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008122469234165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540201045439918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484793074764334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727817387477225,0.0,0.13576683698392028,0.0,0.14240996174534945,0.0,0.07638264051755363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671189040466518,0.13965649552379256,0.4735491178801587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641433899071467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380237817905258,0.0,0.0,0.13368713684235614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899005077530894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978238905483545,0.16074304805985976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467782520086403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900807238028633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496193604921176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423762990649619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640736837432818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434839623546414,0.0,0.10256273211614067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199077964742964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631201896649506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dan1s3,2018/01/27,"I will hang myself tonight. So, long story short, I've had a friend that has been like a sister to me. We loved each other so much, we were definitely more than friends (more like brother/sister, not gf/bf). So, around 3 months ago, she found a boyfriend. She started ignoring me, but not so much. After 2 or so months, we were literally back to the start, she didn't want to hug me, we were just like hi and that's it. I used to invite her out all the time, but whenever I do, she invited her female best friend so I couldn't talk to her. When we go out with all our friends, she invites her boyfriend and they go away. In the last few days, she wasn't answering at all, and she promised me that she will go out with me. 5 hours before we go out, she says that she will invite her friend with us. And then she says that she doesn't want to go out with me at all. After 3 hours our company has went out, and they have seperated from us again. She didn't want to say goodbye or anything, but I've been through the same thing with my brother. I can't go through it again. I had a tough life, and I am unsuccessful in sport, in music, in school, no matter how hard I try. I can't do this anymore. All I do is stare at the wall all day, and when I go out with anyone I can't talk. Everyone started ignoring me, and I simply can't find 1 person who won't insult or hit me. I had to say this to someone. Goodbye, cruel world.",2.388816067653277,3.2314822956810647,3.623649954696464,93.4516090305044,74.88039867109634,6.934521292660827,23.316369676834803,7.1686216300943375,0.5230318936877074,1085,29,262,11,22,354,140,301,0.08800000000000001,0.763,0.149,0.9624,0,0,0,0,1,1,49.0,10,0,2,1,14,17,2,0,9,0,29,3,0,2,6,57,47,24,0,4,9,2,1,3,5,4,1,4,0,1,12,29,0,2,3,1,0,9,13,5,0,0,13,6,54,12,37,28,14,50,0,0,1,2,48,19,0,3,25,186,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440137270953808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561440240350976,0.07446376494781096,0.0,0.08763629316758527,0.09480310891936876,0.0,0.0,0.10005553769821307,0.08188806475775673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061938279397938,0.0,0.11175990949111096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736090176699292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176051549247657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973344808324513,0.0,0.0,0.11676624691896635,0.4113887802503429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236648523560825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539858279704484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097522036600936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680762099693914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522055259272067,0.15608420136141346,0.0,0.0,0.09424470457988443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961158757429382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700065512899986,0.0,0.15657212501610482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298730733486196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33875632450779314,0.0,0.10777860351903767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023284951083854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261330812683617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711932591733337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075053151834182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209807824737941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723030997409245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562006929898493,0.09197746857743437,0.0,0.0,0.18844049214509587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872191179687873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeftLeftRightRight,2018/01/27,I've gotta ask...who here got told 'things will get better' yet they never did? Like honestly what is it with people telling us this. Stop bullshitting. How long do I have to wait? It's not worth it. It really isn't.,-1.2428333333333337,0.6293521333333345,0.7637500000000017,99.60562500000002,105.44444444444444,4.916666666666668,12.291666666666668,6.6274283507984215,-0.613833333333333,166,3,39,3,8,54,39,45,0.198,0.7390000000000001,0.063,-0.6388,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,6,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30588423760724365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893784106510225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094648697640394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616886558751587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985151449576793,0.0,0.0,0.2895583017800246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523538464952219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268366167186505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961023585740796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27355063727358464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859838620811632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737458722808475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126499487224297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935766890442365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScaredDickless,2018/01/27,"I'm not sure there's a version of my life where I can be happy with who I am I'm feeling less connection to people around me and the guilt i feel about them after I'm home has kept me kinda safe for the last year or so. 

I was brought up by a narcissistic Jehovah who abuses her kids and still somehow gets away with it. I was taught to have a fear gay and trans people from my youth and finding myself to be a trans lesbian kinda hasn't been an easy adjustment for me conceptually.

Lately I've been unable to look at myself in a mirror for more than a glance, this isn't new i get like this; it's just this kind of shit is wearing me down.

I don't think I'll ever be able to be ok with my body, it causes me so much pain just to be, how can I keep living? What's the point? 

I'm not a negative person. I don't want to die. I just don't want to be alive anymore. Just being here is hard right now and I know the best I get is just ok",1.4172308612440183,2.302620133971292,3.506288875598088,93.18995962918665,77.32535885167465,6.373325358851675,19.761064593301434,6.6274283507984215,-0.06726578947368411,724,14,179,6,16,248,120,209,0.13,0.7490000000000001,0.121,0.2066,0,0,0,0,1,4,13.0,0,0,1,1,17,12,1,2,12,2,24,7,3,2,2,35,42,9,1,2,8,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,9,9,0,3,6,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,7,5,24,8,27,28,5,19,0,0,2,2,6,9,1,4,10,124,33,1,0.16458402287381774,0.1950051541268903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322312564461566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651467419686007,0.0,0.0,0.15463210726468388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727207779787832,0.0,0.0,0.18281574660078356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907312824704962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708122312769129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887567130250262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852027828150978,0.16643725432314393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042681521569326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25796507698960586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520275277664868,0.1474349568982919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650911943034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462898417093073,0.0,0.17138893295127866,0.09045107472740503,0.1341579453790737,0.18565794657710624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625056268358958,0.08040744011603616,0.0,0.1453307075166608,0.0,0.13820912766863316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098819409264047,0.0,0.0,0.1589562748794944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751290043741544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820367679922146,0.14370842047171667,0.0,0.0,0.1555850998732609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055385626241748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894313434401315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143701326888024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511849378666925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545879624597003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415184183194348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598671463158613
suicidewatch,abbadon915,2018/01/27,"I don’t know what to do... If I’m being honest I never thought I would be here. My life seems to just be falling apart nothing seems to go my way. I spend most nights crying myself to sleep and the will to keep going dwindles more and more with each passing day. 

Things really took a turn for the worst these last two weeks. First my best friend in the world who I’ve know for 14+ Years cut all contact with me and simply stopped talking to me. She refuses to talk to me and today when I messaged her asking if we were still friends she responded in a group message I am a part of but did not respond to my message. On top of that an ex girlfriend who I dated for about a year but was abusive to me when we dated re entered my life. Sadly I got way too drunk one night at a party and we hooked up. Today she told me she was pregnant. We used a condom but I guess it’s just my luck that every single thing in my life goes wrong. 

I truly Don’t know what to do she said she is keeping the baby but I am not ready to be a father. I’m only 20 years old I’m not ready for that responsibility in my life. I can barley keep myself alive let alone have to take care of someone else. Please I want to end it all but I just don’t know. The only reason I haven’t done anything yet is cause I’m scared of dying but the idea of it becomes more and more attractive as my life gets shittier.",1.0704040404040391,2.7323398114478152,2.8441077441077454,94.2639393939394,80.17845117845118,5.208080808080808,19.754208754208754,5.82211442006289,-0.22896498316498315,1072,26,247,6,27,356,164,297,0.131,0.746,0.124,-0.3257,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,0,3,10,12,1,1,14,0,24,8,1,3,3,51,52,17,1,4,14,2,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,0,13,13,1,5,9,1,1,6,8,5,0,3,10,1,42,7,34,35,12,39,0,1,0,1,31,10,0,7,21,169,55,0,0.0,0.1232193478582848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770944822744348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558060638213373,0.0,0.0972230842992456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485643064937165,0.0,0.0,0.1091383544163795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603179386313158,0.10683348702365822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423573641633172,0.06706941177861248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793238690739504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642495902187674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687608443601487,0.0,0.09211040571084657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876218928400417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845972943765985,0.0,0.0,0.16069552921552804,0.0,0.05433409986724087,0.0,0.1182076957157339,0.0,0.08317583949184942,0.0,0.11456433522087932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739986733316968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773117301604731,0.0,0.0,0.2286159561452319,0.08477137239593263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634389960715757,0.3672805107681845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020883809824282,0.0,0.0,0.19518813427412032,0.0,0.09978785227389926,0.0,0.10912727635122968,0.0,0.0704710063753592,0.15818869219557766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126185330055086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415739158439628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662309176230312,0.10692615733870237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892488867297193,0.0,0.1041190621689587,0.0,0.0,0.18934978539771485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407202817017726,0.0,0.08811625523638242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305207691532936,0.08694608416505167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819274339612048,0.1671775744847078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818186895740409,0.0,0.0,0.08256194016297375,0.0,0.0,0.1971538456155007,0.09937351646025376,0.1155444078141144,0.0,0.1131187885776796,0.10158988226710276,0.0,0.0,0.08981995072860949,0.0,0.0,0.06134007955617935,0.16509583337821326,0.08342005850155454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387643016538649,0.11370430941098432,0.0,0.2009118259004824
suicidewatch,sippdripp,2018/01/27,"im about out of time im all out of money, all out of friends, all out of family, and all out of hope. my parents died when i was in middle school, and since then i havent been able to keep friends for more than a few years, or more recently, just a few months. my roommates, who were supposed to be my friends, are kicking me out on the 5th because i cant pay rent. i havent gotten any calls about the jobs ive applied for or any of the government housing places ive looked into. 
i started seeing a man that i met at the hospital back in december and he gives me such a sense of security when im with him, but he lives an hour and a half away, doesnt drive, and i think i overstayed my welcome and now hes ignoring me. my insides are constantly screaming and scrambled but when he holds me its all stopped and the best thing ive ever felt, but when i leave his house i feel completely gutted, he hardly said anything when i left this time and by the time i got home it felt like the world was crumbling. i texted him to explain that i had bpd, did, and perceived abandonment issues, just hoping for any sort of closure or him to tell me that he wasnt tired of me or whatever, but i still havent heard from him.
ive isolated myself from my remaining family, so i cant get help from them, the last time i was at the hospital they almost didnt want to admit me inpatient because i have borderline and it was my 3rd hospitalization so why would they want to a 4th time and id still be homeless and broke when i got out. there just doesnt seem to be a point. i cant afford the help i need and ive got no one",5.2899643666990634,4.108824023323617,6.15303692905734,84.88836329770007,68.24198250728864,9.72134758665371,30.717363135730487,8.841846274778883,2.064820667314545,1252,40,291,18,18,416,169,343,0.105,0.7979999999999999,0.097,-0.6627,4,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,1,20,13,0,0,18,0,31,2,1,0,6,61,56,31,1,6,11,1,4,1,3,1,1,3,2,1,9,23,0,6,8,0,3,1,11,4,0,2,19,9,50,9,41,33,10,45,0,2,2,0,31,19,0,9,26,197,59,4,0.10119760100397862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133477944230586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645351668892908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327700303185409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507847736455634,0.07781470861693993,0.0,0.12337823657970365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620063885784536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745483587454606,0.0,0.10333406519515018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610375928774128,0.1093586555789061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502713280141968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153902378009518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080018374140667,0.0,0.051168547715303936,0.0,0.1943311337337348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345550465125124,0.0,0.05287156974762799,0.09707796010833464,0.0,0.0,0.2428108982990028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065317326500733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566123759817833,0.0,0.10150944495503096,0.20102410331683945,0.09965925228453493,0.23353688901719424,0.0,0.0,0.32793232403944944,0.10562400348599606,0.1004230039504516,0.08994907752123456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824895514821252,0.0,0.1071536476831374,0.10995148959100708,0.0,0.0,0.049440036162273104,0.0,0.08935933571251033,0.0,0.08498049757625202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077495963994552,0.0,0.0,0.07503673887430383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857411345479507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236795998626438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057299542377314,0.0,0.09566444290409393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992042242187714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962620925722344,0.0,0.0,0.10241737489809452,0.08064138590260089,0.09212649523793473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371170129764506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162818285180994,0.0,0.1616330697680953,0.08460572576794033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845116374229638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723118943987376,0.0648433365433146,0.0,0.0,0.2950456747748484,0.11631175558558082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937793402315824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131509462616193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188787225220941,0.0,0.0,0.0651679371528841
suicidewatch,NinjaFud,2018/01/27,"I don't want to be a burden I'm ready to give up, it's not getting better, it's getting worse. I just want to feel nothing anymore. 

Im to afraid to go to emerge and tell them that because i dont want to be a burden. there are worse people off than me, i have no reason to feel this way but i do.

i just want this to stop.",0.20600000000000307,1.039726866666669,2.658333333333335,98.26750000000004,80.33333333333334,5.0,19.166666666666668,3.1291,-0.7543333333333333,245,5,65,0,6,85,45,75,0.27,0.705,0.025,-0.8756,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,18,2,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,12,16,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099765753377037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290669886372684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725557902810247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481428028548751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411135544283116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212375368955216,0.2031081059606067,0.12032949614580728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22870180194894735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031580416636497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678504147170582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217690913598628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701349199109825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505898061373569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995289568482031,0.1680592648886931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315363865179171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway77804,2018/01/27,"Please Try and Persuade Me Typing on a phone, so we'll see if the formatting completely screws up.

I'm currently planning on killing myself in around a month and a half. Basically, enough time to tie up loose ends or to change my mind if life suddenly gets better. I fundamentally garner no positive feelings from myself or my actions, continuously choose actions that make me unhappy in favor of helping those around me, and seem not to particularly value my happiness. I want to see what people would say to try to convince me to do some alternative to killing myself. Basic premises laid out? Cool.  

Let's tackle some basic things people usually tell the suicidal. Should I talk to a friend about how I feel? Truth is, I have. Before I was actively suicidal, I got plenty of empathy. They're great friends. But they seem unable to convince me to seek any form of medical advice for depression for reasons I'll get into later. I talked to one of my friends about planning to kill myself. They walked away wordlessly, clearly feeling hurt. Probably because it showed I'd rejected their continued advice to seek treatment. I don't know for sure. Regardless, considering I try to minimize my actions that harm those around me alongside my aversion to pain, I've decided talking to any of my friends honestly about it is a bad choice. It's better if they remain ignorant. I understand how harsh that may sound, but if them knowing how I feel accomplishes nothing but making them feel worse and me perhaps being put in a suicide watch that'll make me even more actively suicidal, I see no reason to inform them.  

Should I talk to a therapist or psychiatrist? Well, if I feel I'm morally obligated to choose the actions that are making me fundamentally want to die, then what would talking to a professional really do? ""No, that's not a moral obligation. Not killing yourself is a moral obligation."" Thanks, doc, we made some real headway in having you tell me something I disagree with here and... in nothing else, really. Honestly, I see little way in which someone I don't know could talk me out of my thought process without demonstrating some logical and rational argument against it, and that's not a therapist or psychiatrist's job. More prominently, though, my university has a habit of giving students interim suspensions if they seek medical or psychiatric aid for mental illnesses. If I am suspended, I WILL kill myself. You can fight me on that if you wish, but I should emphasize that conviction.  

Should I seek antidepressants? Well, that's also challenging. If the Autism Spectrum Quotient is any indicator, I'm probably somewhere on the Autism spectrum, and there's always a risk factor associated with using brain chemical-altering drugs on someone whose brain is wired slightly differently. So I would probably want to get that checked first. But if I did, that could possibly negatively impact my job prospects. Even if I didn't tell anyone, I'd still fundamentally feel justifiably inferior to other applicants and that WOULD impact my performance in the application process. Furthermore, I'm a college student; I can't afford permanent prescription drugs. And if I actually talked to a doctor to get antidepressants, I would have to choose between lying to them about having suicide plans, thereby breaking my personal value of honesty, or telling the truth and being hospitalized, risking getting an interim suspension from my university for reasons outlined above. And I've already said what I'll do if that happens.  

Why shouldn't I kill myself? I'm not going to be convinced to stop doing the things that make me unhappy, I'm not able to talk to those around me, and I'm not able to seek medical treatment. I've wanted to off myself for 3 years now, and I've been a perfectly upstanding Samaritan for the past 4 or 5, trying to help everyone around me overcome their troubles. I think I've earned one selfish indulgence. I don't subscribe to any faith, so I have no religious reasons to avoid my demise. I understand the psychological consequences the decision will have on my friends and family, but if talking with them about it hurts them further and could lead to my free will being taken away, then I see no reason why they should have any bearing on my decision. They too would act selfishly in protecting me if given the opportunity. We're on equal moral footing. I've sought other verified techniques of mitigating depressive thoughts, but lately caffeine and exercise have just given me a sense of peace in my decision to take my own life.  

If you have the time to try to explain to me why I shouldn't kill myself with something other than mere rhetoric of ""throwing my life away,"" I'd love to hear it. But I'm not going to ever be happy staying alive according to evidence of the past four or five years, and none of the conventional alternative avenues are available to me under my life circumstances. So I ask you to try and persuade me to not kill myself. Go. I'll try to stick around to answer questions and respond to responses.",8.006629508461572,8.605214820065429,8.121545498606569,67.08102094187976,62.19520174482007,11.765329779070234,39.009834807544735,11.429527900616536,4.876964554303488,4078,202,659,114,54,1328,390,917,0.174,0.7040000000000001,0.123,-0.9966,6,2,4,0,1,10,104.0,2,5,14,13,31,55,10,3,33,1,59,18,3,16,6,160,122,63,14,38,43,0,7,0,5,19,13,4,0,1,34,34,0,4,34,2,2,12,24,26,2,6,12,18,107,30,119,82,11,72,6,6,6,2,55,35,1,32,22,456,141,14,0.0864201432837093,0.0,0.042166796794680016,0.0,0.0,0.08444876382768893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768338854328494,0.03455507868062226,0.035954241092691436,0.0,0.0,0.14692165226477275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030213486776192712,0.0,0.0,0.23079674897057506,0.040395584054225685,0.0,0.12179185408830236,0.0,0.036078604935050385,0.026340458611489655,0.0,0.036768588395061134,0.0,0.0,0.07643159387598855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647346076198053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571052634604754,0.0,0.04530493801046874,0.0,0.0,0.10349917851147283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443354277758238,0.0,0.04484523237373487,0.04514532807079855,0.0,0.04422733929294697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021992962947236,0.0,0.036096470261479635,0.0,0.038271298045933363,0.04464755478626685,0.0,0.05707968959110722,0.03908598362334538,0.0,0.04128907518073162,0.0,0.0,0.040734609946045434,0.0,0.15293817377654145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03675446486468623,0.0,0.0,0.16691997081639878,0.0,0.11287739501465555,0.04145103806325735,0.07367183847167325,0.0,0.03455904160715727,0.047639256530098144,0.0,0.0,0.03821052364943902,0.09199584950154316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870089115272103,0.0,0.0579256003846325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251455076912783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575865736221681,0.0,0.3824443373358384,0.0,0.07124137600009424,0.0,0.04874284291025543,0.0,0.0,0.044185225825718884,0.12208220589710515,0.0,0.0433078434782651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899877669060589,0.040886414563346685,0.14421529176321582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058880374721835,0.043545589097676064,0.0,0.043629854551483306,0.0,0.03448986693639845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292245824487242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585605256599288,0.0,0.045978562763504496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249780540733931,0.059912846042102993,0.03772936786750817,0.0,0.04743168292177312,0.0,0.04871286334362451,0.0,0.0,0.1397632966153149,0.0,0.0,0.04343805670193385,0.04840516932833501,0.0,0.0,0.049182521417008455,0.05536295670178381,0.22213575137548006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110267313824525,0.034362383294885834,0.0,0.0,0.1721641633586174,0.07867365273189893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322350696032197,0.06653044840599694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605618708724412,0.03450761902991012,0.03612555471152008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632402548884685,0.0,0.04072498115225517,0.0,0.03248859631490825,0.31257556935569725,0.15107002870393266,0.03978202851160677,0.0,0.10034044718434816,0.05741370315981765,0.02768726916187824,0.0424536759986054,0.06860794054358622,0.050392280521113615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535761582856535,0.0,0.0,0.08996641692838747,0.0,0.03731962831210146,0.047589789240563285,0.0,0.10194567915487372,0.034298143606023214,0.0,0.0,0.07770208745403016,0.0,0.1169711062801992,0.0,0.049689449906071485,0.04165296710774551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403475454274598,0.18417117082111492,0.0,0.0,0.05565173887901345
suicidewatch,Curticus97,2018/01/27,"Unemployed and losing money I can’t do this anymore. Every day it’s something else that adds onto the stress, but I don’t want to abandon my family. My mom suggested I go on welfare, but every time I think about it my heart just starts racing and I feel like I can’t claim money that I haven’t earned. I did apply, but then the woman said I needed a doctors note which took a month to get an appointment for. Now my case is closed. How am I supposed to get a job? The only way I could get hired is if I was the only choice, and that’s never the case. Then my phone bill and gym membership (which I don’t use) are taking more and more away from me every day. Last time I checked my account balance I had -$200. I feel like I have fucked myself over beyond fixing. I got an email today saying that they are going to send my debt to a collection agency if I don’t pay it off, but there is no way to do that. Why am I here? Why was I forced into a life that I hate so much? I hate to think about what it will do to my family, but I can’t keep being such a useless leach to them. I don’t want them to be sad, but I just hate my life so much. My heart never stops racing and I am so conflicted all the time. I just want to be done with everything and everyone. I just want to be gone.",1.5595487246566364,2.6698910503597126,3.4727141922825377,92.67168083714847,77.34532374100718,6.493394375408764,19.111183780248528,6.980632752743323,0.03294388489208622,984,18,233,10,22,333,138,278,0.177,0.772,0.051,-0.9911,4,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,2,15,11,4,1,14,0,31,6,2,2,3,42,57,21,0,8,12,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,14,11,0,4,4,1,7,5,11,9,0,0,9,4,44,2,24,42,5,30,0,4,0,1,11,8,1,2,17,164,58,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984856863159544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040668445750548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843639834885962,0.0,0.0,0.14286781065522489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337210551447024,0.0,0.11335048639397882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252948290825667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799714727671597,0.1058401762986292,0.09954794328608543,0.0,0.2088377266515927,0.0,0.11201166551716067,0.15826028686093005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239994688528033,0.17360955656458654,0.0,0.12589997617133786,0.0,0.08858844719583701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280708808349756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625128072105754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991662291562533,0.09845253026276783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028780825171727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647240993551126,0.10822782824669756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391708431143394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972598221613674,0.08841112524526132,0.0,0.16284922727598344,0.08213043433489134,0.17085674065728942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848270713179486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536235438198846,0.08808433441660203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527188315183762,0.0,0.0,0.07839964604662128,0.0,0.0,0.09260403781912244,0.1268803003847534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328107971935338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419467709796675,0.0,0.0,0.1937629202554884,0.0,0.10499174488931053,0.0,0.12306337673234988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956649191744416,0.0,0.0,0.26132696378897513,0.17583932554010165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989537113390335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeneralStrike2018,2018/01/27,"Have you ever been past the point of suicide? This is what I feel right now. It has nothing to do with mood swings or depression. I actually feel very good mentally as far as clarity goes. 

I'm just finding that I'm not surviving in this world. I'm very poor, my dad has Alzheimer's, my best friend has passed away, and I'm so deeply in debt paying for my education. I don't feel like there's anything left for me in the world and I can't escape the downward spiral. It's more painful than what I've felt during depression. It physically hurts me and I've stopped listening to others. It's the feeling of true failure. I've tried telling others that we're all in this thing together and we have to help one another. The response I get is what am I supposed to do? People don't know how to help one another?

I get it. There's no hope out there. We're all out there on our own and some of us make it and some of us don't despite all the sacrifice, effort, and never give up attitudes. I wouldn't quit either. I just know now that its not realistic for me and I'm only going through the motions. 

I feel like I'm in a world that's worse than what could possibly come after death. That hurts me to know that, but it's also relieving. 

I'm not suicidal. I'm just dead inside and trying to pass the time until some fortunate end. At least I got to live for a very short time in my existence and I'm cherishing those memories. 

The reason why I wouldn't do it is because if I did then some other person with the same feelings would end up a little more alone. I can't do that to anyone. I'm past the point of suicide. It's easier to say fuck it and sit here withering away staring at the wall. I'm that far gone and I'm here rambling for no reason. Dead in my mid 30s, but still breathing.",1.5111428571428576,3.3891602666666683,3.3149714285714285,90.37920000000004,79.66666666666666,6.845714285714287,22.714285714285715,7.859703344183488,1.0080285714285708,1400,45,310,24,35,468,179,375,0.16,0.7440000000000001,0.096,-0.972,1,1,0,0,0,2,36.0,4,1,0,4,16,16,1,0,15,0,24,3,1,4,6,61,57,23,6,6,11,1,7,2,1,3,1,2,0,1,31,18,0,1,13,0,3,6,13,6,0,2,5,10,28,9,45,48,14,52,1,4,1,1,14,30,1,7,17,198,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.09414661131658073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991998957312387,0.0,0.07715178312925243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232689295551134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745822809086942,0.0,0.0793914873587259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128466344754876,0.0,0.0,0.058810844249598565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012455584424209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310548919005915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702819652432001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618919039354813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089811394761156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726802099839848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926868375090326,0.13784487728944442,0.09263204237385476,0.0,0.08817727137089759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453708039501437,0.08919046207246424,0.10080940496019547,0.0925485231475453,0.05482950622139435,0.08091945039721342,0.07716063123089943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933159260936836,0.0,0.0,0.09582238779158156,0.0,0.0,0.20655900173778535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906197875541409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482140300604396,0.0,0.0,0.09426655290394323,0.0966942480065726,0.08519003222162375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643984464157911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972250671847969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440820093632959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925712769197156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074920237943122,0.07337430808015655,0.10265721388485463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419442335101907,0.06688427694260689,0.08423907912992651,0.0,0.0,0.18240191488626947,0.10876213893270033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261404930860953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838669127366548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238993498670014,0.0,0.07672154846685295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704581906206058,0.0806582149121285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165870950189213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432423349126825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640943349568689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251180569105848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310016757121694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320973804757389,0.0,0.0,0.2388082899700925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705453986979754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831723620230004,0.06853374753380481,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,schepeaj,2018/01/27,"hopeless love I am barely a legal adult. I have been hospitalized for bipolar disorder once in my life and I feel so much worse than that time. 

I am going though a late term miscarriage with a baby I do not know if I want. My boyfriend hates me and compared me to another girl. No one loves me and assumes I am using them to  escape from my emotions. I just wanted Adam to be happy. 
I always put him first and he never loved me it seems. He uses me constantly and makes me want to die. I love him though. 

I have nothing to live for. I don't know what to do. 

I just quit.  ",-0.4492499999999993,1.7646802416666674,1.888333333333336,94.8825,92.41666666666666,4.666666666666667,17.5,6.322622252153567,-0.18825000000000008,439,12,98,5,16,148,77,120,0.182,0.675,0.14300000000000002,-0.4518,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,1,0,3,0,10,6,0,3,1,22,26,9,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,1,1,25,5,12,24,2,9,0,1,0,4,11,1,0,3,6,70,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371214263460492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590201822418354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066827617417478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430446076163276,0.0,0.17039805657806298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167242922732635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517614689238783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126465570169493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844972267728185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827067001617254,0.0,0.14678890580961673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341926110075727,0.0,0.1677154447227484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501578402220772,0.0,0.0,0.13128554253887273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367513904226515,0.0,0.09924382883625243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929555751615527,0.0,0.11466976563471587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266070803100636,0.0,0.0,0.1583373921085036,0.10074817160681501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946261979569506,0.0,0.15813752835008218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353510163552374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921510820914185,0.0,0.08669543294543725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568203939510007,0.0,0.0,0.2630826993693607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515157508352852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Waiting_for-Death,2018/01/27,"12 Years of Ideation w/o a Suicide Note Until Today It just came pouring out of me. It still needs a lot of work, but I was able to hit all of the main points for once. I've never been able to sit down and type it out. Hell, I've never really thought very carefully before about the words. 

I feel like this should be some new, grim, exciting milestone, but I feel about the same as I did before. Maybe a tiny bit less anxious about suicide but not by much. ",3.0219452887537983,4.139156574468089,3.581185410334349,93.30500000000002,73.68085106382979,6.648024316109423,23.003039513677805,6.868970318607317,0.4466401215805473,354,9,80,3,7,111,68,94,0.202,0.705,0.093,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,6,0,5,0,0,0,3,21,12,6,2,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,2,5,3,16,4,8,13,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,8,52,9,2,0.3613480822762473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411023966488487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074806034732543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972492587564368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664297094826026,0.18420922623394465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827084476939212,0.12907357108945594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826821030176067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360260881077994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151135856491726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328162088581348,0.13396751219145606,0.27869391745410343,0.17449611478241106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241195724928647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079536788654126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574441717631133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428652263907885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952561528432241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343500717743546,0.0,0.0,0.17125786533781345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907500565524706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153285376599852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163481588618285
suicidewatch,Pantisocracy,2018/01/27,"Not sure how to end it I know that’s a bullshit title but I have been dreaming of killing myself the last 2 years 

Specifically with metal wire. How do I end these thoughts? I want to kill myself. ",0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,1.4650000000000034,96.43333333333334,95.5,3.6666666666666674,19.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.3530833333333332,154,5,33,1,6,49,33,40,0.36,0.609,0.032,-0.9523,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,9,6,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273925006431371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6587778757277721,0.0,0.16362204121764834,0.24268586011437404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806025761492914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363606356115114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560609844851086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172533485352028
suicidewatch,SuspiciousAmphibian,2018/01/27,i dont have a reason to keep postponing it i have wanted to kill myself since i was 8. i thought it would get better and it did not. i keep trying.,-1.1768181818181809,0.7468942727272747,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,91.12121212121212,4.512121212121213,14.31060606060606,5.985473137389443,-0.7986303030303028,113,2,27,1,4,40,24,33,0.193,0.7170000000000001,0.09,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,11,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729627013457355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617180867898405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612491227858568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486581886987312,0.3414590555410552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173283281743232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553061780762151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502182716391366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095430014729812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204100268921716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924554907187246,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_need_to_vent44,2018/01/27,"I think I need to be institutionalized I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately, and I've even tried it a few times. I also self-harm. And despite every inch of my being screaming at me that writing this is selfish, I need to ask before I do something horrible: Is there a way to get institutionalized voluntarily if I think I am a threat to myself (and others)?




Like, if I tell my psychiatrist or therapeutist, will they be like: ""Lol no, get lost.""? Can I do something in this situation or do I have to wait for another session to tell them about this? And if I tell them, will they even take me seriously?




Please help, I know that this is really really selfish, but please, do you have any suggestions or advice? I am truly sorry for such a stupid question, feel free to disregard it.",6.063921568627452,6.1703237581699355,7.313202614379088,72.90941176470591,66.3202614379085,10.198692810457516,31.37908496732026,9.994966539143718,2.9331516339869284,617,22,119,13,9,211,89,153,0.161,0.71,0.129,-0.4878,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,4,1,7,10,2,0,5,1,18,0,0,0,0,23,31,12,1,5,7,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,23,4,14,24,2,6,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,8,4,88,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883936220654395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218053560219062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357866249902624,0.15971438526550466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142392918358396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960789472590195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012037644748175,0.0,0.1283310144242872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701447501649157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591554331409541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209278414390477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370772593116355,0.0,0.17181669268005248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488257376785002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166268594289021,0.12949181527219908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258776263695155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33438980581714617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062640597154402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951523454428644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889659684840965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171207184529741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345173347538616,0.0,0.17050292024028454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666066648393501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452108320646215,0.0,0.3993871378632049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29278975533875345,0.0,0.0,0.08881544918999268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034111274061859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208996695228156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LET_THE_BOY_WATCHH,2018/01/27,"How many of you guys know someone who has commited suicide in real life? I've been feeling suicidal for the best part of 18 months and have set a date for 2019 where I will CTB. 

But one of the things stopping me is that I have a friend who's brother killed themselves and it completely shook their entire life.

How many of you guys know someone who has CTB in real life? How did did it affect you? Or do you not know anyone who has killed themselves?",3.4959340659340654,4.925745406593407,3.7437362637362632,91.37626373626377,72.95604395604396,6.518681318681319,25.08791208791209,6.868970318607317,0.8092593406593407,356,11,75,3,7,110,57,91,0.208,0.7090000000000001,0.083,-0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,4,1,1,4,5,2,1,4,0,11,3,0,4,1,17,15,7,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,8,2,8,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,3,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106554768078056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607871065079194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592720841630135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001841158230877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226731125907565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133943818016204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35017110747450153,0.0,0.2609181948488759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353402605439499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208911752675507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263175183703794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723758791920082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137459014254197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602573511838134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681776564305276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323081480519362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462102592172734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513749613727988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoldXP,2018/01/27,"I've become increasingly Ok with the idea of not living. I'm a 24 year old male if that matters.

I don't know if I'm suicidal. All I know is that I think about it a lot. The more I think about the more I realize I like the idea of being dead. I'm not actively looking for ways to kill myself, don't have a plan or anything like that. But I do think if I would, this is how I would do it. Sometimes I kinda wish that I don't wake up when I fall asleep.

I've just been feeling this intense emotional pain in me and lately it's becoming really hard to deal with. To the point of all I really wanna do is cry. It's effecting all aspects of my life and I just want it to end. I just don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't know what to do about it.

They most suicides are done on impulse. To wait 3 days to see if you still feel that way. Well, it's been a lot more than that and I still want to be dead.",0.3014200542005412,1.6214640878048812,2.7238617886178846,95.81869241192413,81.29268292682926,6.311653116531166,19.68157181571816,7.1686216300943375,0.0990271002710026,698,17,179,9,18,241,102,205,0.14,0.752,0.109,-0.9339,0,0,0,0,0,5,18.0,0,1,1,2,11,6,1,0,9,1,21,4,2,2,3,47,40,12,5,11,11,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,17,6,0,1,13,0,0,2,7,2,1,0,3,6,22,4,24,33,10,17,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,9,10,122,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559923529856276,0.0,0.0,0.1042192272621673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797420806980212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911516496943385,0.08167647512666312,0.1305669162559414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960327648465156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246019628291254,0.11217115315968633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210873262249228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345033229556267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285936825441756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140115519098886,0.0,0.20880471023016445,0.0,0.14286269807108787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894541243369955,0.1237461046160559,0.0,0.11183112477109844,0.0,0.1063511109587331,0.0,0.0,0.21534054484866727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289413215614304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347607389646753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972181938532013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226590193296964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009208138878936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525656523943066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228001750734734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770612946193481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434497705828803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240980507779906,0.3015781420509945,0.0,0.0,0.11387035712993668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456371531779482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993199137535915,0.0,0.0,0.08155615362076812
suicidewatch,CastielTheFurry,2018/01/27,"Some love for everyone. [Fformating, I'm on mobile]

Yesterday, I almost jumped off  a bridge. I stood on the ledge but I couldn't jump. So I came home, even more shattered than before. Wanting to die, but not wanting to kill myself, I wrote to my schools head of department saying ""Does our school offer support to people who just want to die?"". She was very nice, answered almost instantly and showed that she cares. A few hours later she wrote saying that she's worried about me and sent me schools counselors number, telling me I can call at any time. That moment I saw that someone cared. They cared even though they didn't know me very well. 
20ish minutes after this, I got an email from a person who I love alot, we talked about silly and not so silly things. Like throwing bricks at each other's face(after I told him what a brick was, cause he didn't know it).
I am still getting counseling on Monday...but the point on this whole post is - you think that suicide might be the best option right now, but if you do it, you won't see what's to follow. The good things. Good things do follow, even if you don't believe it. Good things do happen and they're worth living for. 
Stay strong and know that nothing lasts forever.
I'm here if anyone needs someone to talk to. Have a nice day.",2.66,4.900763809523814,2.7867460317460298,93.78464285714287,77.57142857142857,5.311111111111114,20.81746031746032,6.21433560688645,0.08317936507936485,1008,26,206,7,24,305,154,252,0.065,0.684,0.25,0.9945,1,0,0,0,0,3,42.0,2,4,2,2,13,18,1,0,11,0,16,3,1,1,0,36,45,14,4,8,9,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,20,8,0,0,5,1,1,8,7,1,1,0,12,4,30,17,23,29,7,29,0,0,2,2,31,9,0,9,11,130,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013225533107727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836045391415922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028942427858882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553937944897208,0.11325726232401825,0.1054947960402359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026472745268754,0.11497383121237224,0.3074758418482981,0.10326687610507487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483031518992217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865817894763145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797011363164049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918746299024787,0.0,0.0,0.096055954910038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252016868108587,0.0,0.0,0.25294682690293524,0.08039903358989219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889393430813139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316766167278812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008347812862282,0.0,0.09899688557761213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121602948821398,0.0,0.16573774953398845,0.0819413000020242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911144214624083,0.0,0.08876542548770032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145549247311096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664114971930272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453802112871513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964564582196805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696913846188298,0.08777456125626361,0.0,0.0,0.095028626955615,0.0,0.09627517185093762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584780923632583,0.0,0.15988304537832512,0.0,0.30521003052476536,0.0801054179116963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034902942601848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714628532646647,0.08027940279797474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995804501384866,0.11407459001380202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159639035311246,0.08786328951377816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671373993143544,0.06441236735272247,0.09876531188062188,0.0,0.05861694170143319,0.0,0.0,0.096055954910038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658873220757293,0.17787676614170592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038405651167572,0.0,0.0,0.1122325836519484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208802720236457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BIGBALLA4LIFE,2018/01/27,Im hanging myself tonight I cant do it anymore.  Im losing the love of my life amd there  is nothing i can do about it. I dont have any motivation. I just need it to end so when everyone is asleep im going to sleep for good. I can cope with life without her i cant. I need peace,-3.2873589743589733,-1.9952516461538432,0.5009615384615387,101.11862179487179,111.6153846153846,3.3974358974358982,16.185897435897438,5.46131890053228,-0.7944102564102566,213,7,56,2,12,77,42,65,0.122,0.763,0.115,0.1566,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,10,5,2,1,0,6,14,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,7,14,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,35,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558217859823518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772692471486367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366660409481899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658751745790716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905118367176216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330969269850415,0.16722671221617524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6460792672237662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816496273431939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305018905348709,0.0,0.0,0.17994417517336228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956688176975157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130617186532733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951948913429746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219086970827773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bj1994,2018/01/27,I am a bad person. I have extreme guilt. I am a bad person and the worst part is I always thought I was nice. I put in an actual effort to not hurt others. I never put anyone down but I just realized I am awful human being. I feel like a hypocrite. This is not cry for sympathy. I just can't move. I have shit loads of work to do. I can't get out of bed. I want to call up the university health and counselling service but I can't bring myself to do it. My heart's pounding. I cannot talk about this to anyone in real life. Where do I go? What do I do how do I live with the guilt? Who's gonna do all the work that is pending? I'm numb ,-1.8096929824561407,0.058151305555556476,1.4602339181286546,98.09236842105264,94.97222222222223,4.142690058479532,14.523391812865498,5.750287758089431,-0.9173138888888888,484,10,121,4,19,172,86,144,0.157,0.7290000000000001,0.114,-0.705,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,1,2,8,1,21,5,2,1,2,18,29,5,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,5,7,8,0,0,2,1,21,2,15,25,3,12,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,86,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.17448229443181698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877531511236358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500412123389261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29857984231616497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825740445978069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964026012211344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040628271941213,0.12773423349385427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341523838077492,0.0,0.10161574499907264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900552619080162,0.0,0.21187799464074428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140831547065515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629121141181796,0.08735229132969094,0.0,0.1578830302746278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900353266324076,0.0,0.0,0.1379010188721255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362218445705126,0.0,0.0,0.3122412501494757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594853000533829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351271225478287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835348802060191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371207962004445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194664750770106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054604413809565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603359946307636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doublebb66,2018/01/27,"My girlfriend is suicidal. Help! My gf of about a month (I've known her for years) recently told me that she is depressed and has already been through 2 attempts to end it all. I love her very much and I want to help however I can but she is extremely pessimistic about the future and I simply can't propose an argument to why she shouldn't be. This situation is tearing me apart because I have anxiety and my brain always thinks of the worst case scenario when things don't go smoothly.

Today we found out that her favorite band canceled their visit to our country but they would show up sometime later this year for sure. I told her it's OK, they'll be coming again so when that time comes we'll go together. She started saying things like ""who knows what's gonna happen until then"" which made me worry too much. So I asked what could possibly happen, but she wouldn't give a straight answer. I then brought up that I'm worried and that resulted in her saying ""I'm not going to say anything ever again. I shouldn't have opened up that day at all and I don't want to open up anymore. You already know too much.""

How am I supposed to handle this? The whole thing is eating away at me slowly and all I want is her well-being. It should also be noted that we are about 2 hours away by car, which makes things even more difficult because neither of us has a car. ",4.276730695351517,5.237741094890513,4.719611986169807,86.91077026507877,70.53284671532846,7.374260468689972,27.559738762965807,7.475848149327749,1.4034992700729918,1076,36,219,11,19,341,160,274,0.104,0.7959999999999999,0.101,-0.5971,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,5,1,3,1,15,7,0,0,7,1,28,3,1,4,5,42,54,19,1,9,4,0,1,1,2,8,0,3,0,0,22,14,1,0,6,2,0,9,8,3,0,0,6,4,39,4,28,36,10,43,0,1,0,1,35,14,0,0,21,157,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24224412092115516,0.08777443166345096,0.09132848768685987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396552495843966,0.0,0.10885168168538996,0.0,0.0,0.09032250972286426,0.0,0.10261008128050284,0.0,0.20624485472683016,0.0,0.0,0.13381643872075374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252762129778763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890957483004629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763382902837012,0.0,0.0,0.07078563536265367,0.0,0.0945354802167362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231111301673766,0.0,0.0,0.09721411622448804,0.0,0.0,0.07249494871205735,0.09928352443515004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203453511260751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529107288367397,0.1871361316007929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411948257395575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713862177881562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809075081628663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064162544915345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362282484226248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906200738901423,0.10385685514489973,0.07326515091278661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760878528076052,0.0,0.24205703093328895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373706146656062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837401680101943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618548803364453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337399445796893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855470366549122,0.0,0.07768816127531651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005880361276546,0.0,0.1034467931091274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29167667138741543,0.07032929478929756,0.0,0.0,0.06400150067443408,0.0,0.1040389341131364,0.2097593318420396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132026862086286,0.0,0.0,0.09056287523313644,0.19421654623625986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868674628667408,0.0,0.09904065014276424,0.1225422816304664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293169012889769,0.0,0.07796982124792064,0.0,0.0,0.1413627153431276
suicidewatch,alabardios,2018/01/27,"Just venting my suicide feelings here This is a safe place to do it. So yeah.. sorry if I ramble...

I can't talk about this too much at home, for hubby cannot handle it. He's a wonderful man, just doesn't know what to do about it and thinks that I should ""just try harder"" and ""it's just a world view"".... Yeah right. Me just having random thoughts of suicide while laughing with friends is a world view.... Sure. It makes him feel useless.

Sigh, they say it's impossible to have two feelings at once but I don't know what to call it when I'm laughing my ass of but the thing that ends it is a random thought of me walking to the kitchen and grabbing a knife and slitting my throat...

The endlessly relentless thoughts of horrible things to do to myself make we want to end it all... 

But this is me ranting, a snapshot of what I'm feeling right now. This is not me 100% of the time, but if I don't get them out, they begin to eat me alive, and slowly it does become 100% of the time. So I'm here trying to prevent that.

Thanks for reading.",2.3835568993952703,3.719652242990655,3.3250192413413977,93.64485706432107,75.6355140186916,5.9698735568993975,24.73776800439802,6.2272716619740125,0.5071828477185272,796,26,180,5,17,254,113,214,0.083,0.78,0.13699999999999998,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,1,0,3,0,14,8,0,0,12,2,16,4,2,2,2,41,36,15,2,4,12,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,22,8,2,2,11,1,0,1,6,1,1,1,3,8,19,6,25,32,2,17,0,1,2,1,11,8,1,5,8,122,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384223224188632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148315002749768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982312470175492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180030166189762,0.0,0.0,0.2627902399377489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000432732655272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461576016731027,0.0,0.07750737297660419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880833779539207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305986686672688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198051140463865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905519299050596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579891740014585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499541695129626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839133435205298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533822086561776,0.0,0.11797481940719624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660670097383357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245442435045277,0.0,0.13981923941561514,0.0,0.0,0.1192390658037073,0.0,0.13658184268048845,0.0,0.0,0.19711587533528108,0.09505745137698757,0.0,0.3533228178355376,0.17300954194524545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144143781014093,0.0,0.14491755480931445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875013745730945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088053559653084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yoishos,2018/01/27,"I just want to die already. My girlfriend broke up with me today and I feel like shit.We've been together for 2 years already. She was practically the one that made me feel better when everything went wrong. Now without her, I don't know what to do. I just want to die. ",1.4738888888888866,3.886693796296296,2.5607407407407408,92.73333333333336,83.25925925925927,5.822222222222222,21.962962962962962,7.1686216300943375,0.6610962962962965,211,7,45,3,6,67,42,54,0.226,0.643,0.132,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,11,2,2,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,2,9,2,7,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823060847945583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327182863416228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535988131012175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640047218995407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209904421142224,0.15611771595862226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200982500883293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676261040701862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677815830385235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808143211609606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431767516639656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207140676056439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577890481203733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257929212325454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065490624242109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892800516664164,0.0,0.1407260112522247
suicidewatch,99seconds_,2018/01/27,Idk why I’m posting I don’t know how to fix this. My friend is staying the night with me and she might help but I want to end everything. Stop feeling so shit all the time.  ,-1.0210526315789463,1.0403442631578947,0.7266315789473694,103.38942105263159,93.21052631578951,4.092631578947368,18.12631578947369,5.6839178017228535,-0.6555957894736841,134,4,34,1,5,43,34,38,0.215,0.621,0.16399999999999998,-0.6357,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,10,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732013245873833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772212393219237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596511443707767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23831309339126625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675220805951489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695198863762404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272241049660305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894659751843339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29541651625377685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166266517490683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287740933839697,0.0,0.2578838425285653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986374241636302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193591544533044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27833444213509123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alnost_irrelevant,2018/01/27,Please no replies This just needs to stop  ,0.5874999999999986,1.7917427500000045,-2.2299999999999978,118.175,121.5,1.6,16.5,3.1291,-1.85495,34,1,8,0,2,8,8,8,0.376,0.4270000000000001,0.197,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733597463143015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7007629582256636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.533724485992611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xray223,2018/01/27,"need to vent/feeling hopeless (long, sorry) hey guys,

don't really know if i'm looking for help or support or just wanting to vent. honestly, don't even know why i'm alive. 
everything is rough, everything hurts, i'm in this dark place where i'm starving and can't even bring myself to order in food bc the idea of leaving my bed hurts. i honestly just want to shrivel up and cry/die. i feel like a fucktard bc i've been suicidal for half my life and yet haven't succeeded, and due to currently being in school i know i won't even try right now. so basically i'm just crying in my bed wishing i was dead. i don't even want to reach out to my friends so i'm posting anonymously on the internet. i don't even know what i want.

i feel so freaking useless because my friends deal with me constantly being like, i'm suicidal, and they've gotten to the point where they say that they want to support me but don't know how. and it's true. no one can help and nothing can help and honestly i wish i could die but i can't because i have stuff to do in life, but the thoughts never get better and its the same conversation i have with my friends almost daily and i'm tired of replaying it and i'm sure they're tired of it too and it feels like i should just kill myself because of that, because i can't stop feeling like i want to kill myself (if that even makes sense).

on meds, see a doctor, have tried all types of therapy, so pls no suggestions about that. 

also, i'm in medical school. it's really lonely to be like.. the only sick one here. which i'm probably not, but probably one of the sickest. i've been told my whole life that i'm never going to fit in and am in this weird in between where on one hand, mental health-wise i fit with like, super sick people that are in and out of treatment and have trouble holding down jobs and stuff (no offense to anyone in that situation at all), and high achieving people who are basically gunners. like i can do the school part, but i'm also constantly suicidal and have spent my fair share of time in treatment. and i have to hide my illness at school in general so that my compentency as a future physician isn't jeopardized so i feel trapped, stuck, sad, alone, and most of the time i just have to fucking suck it up and go to class anyway. like i'm crying rn, while doing flashcards.

but while i can keep up academically here, i'm totally failing socially. i'm so tired from school that i don't have the energy to hang out with the few friends i have. i'm never able to keep friendships light bc the suicidal part of me is so prominent, and understandably, sometimes my friends don't want to deal with it. there's a huge formal event everyone is going to tonight and i'm not going bc social anxiety, and also today i'm feeling extra bad. i'm also fat. so i'm basically failing in every way that counts, because it's abundantly evident to me now that people only care if you're 1) outgoing and likeable and 2) pleasant looking (skinny). being smart (me) doesn't even matter if you don't have those 2 things. it doesn't matter that i'm at the top of my class because no one likes me bc i'm not always smiling and outgoing, and i already know i'm going to fail clinicals because other people who know less than me will have a better bedside manner and get further. i'm so frustrated bc i want to change who i am and be happy and outgoing but i can't because it hurts to even think about getting out of bed, much less schmoozing and networking and flirting and normal human stuff. everything is wrong and nothing is right and the few things that i think i have going for me don't even matter so i don't know what to do because i am all wrong inside. i don't even know what kind of help to ask for from my friends. so it feels hopeless.

thanks for reading, if you read this. <3",3.227996589940325,4.576273253196932,4.582514066496163,85.42202344416026,73.50127877237851,7.6685763000852525,27.099829497016195,8.238735603445708,1.7195569650468885,3012,110,621,48,60,1000,286,782,0.21,0.617,0.173,-0.9929,2,4,0,1,0,4,83.0,0,2,2,9,45,57,6,0,19,0,61,19,3,2,9,124,144,70,8,19,22,0,9,9,6,3,15,1,3,2,42,45,3,4,21,2,1,8,30,23,0,6,8,14,62,34,85,127,15,72,0,11,3,1,30,41,2,9,29,395,104,18,0.0468348046479618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046898291581419005,0.04850673297723576,0.05168337155022026,0.14981510542410476,0.03897030932507956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0358284973631932,0.0,0.0,0.032747984373303084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437842201119474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910510558995104,0.2569505598761145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284315744218547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477512047147018,0.0,0.04954501324406412,0.0,0.0,0.10122357091054836,0.0,0.0373937805286584,0.0,0.10289166742557014,0.0,0.0965692541653553,0.0,0.0,0.048607132962535764,0.0,0.0,0.04793740711778624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093394676041623,0.0,0.03946034288446887,0.04475266290258742,0.12627630747585322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944867566747586,0.10037638139562108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056632831685867815,0.0,0.2171067233535549,0.04329802221105294,0.07340775717985319,0.0,0.1597037927396001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046373819958979635,0.0,0.04985652043740901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978320724658243,0.0,0.0,0.1255695292808693,0.04948354251977947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041288110833842,0.052870793695534005,0.0,0.0,0.0464763168841916,0.08325785260078973,0.1036315443787262,0.04877124190693664,0.2316526541870735,0.0,0.0,0.04959129571025068,0.0,0.0,0.09924242277774008,0.2059300785026982,0.0,0.0,0.04144732830809343,0.07865888051464537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03126259578073276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052022909812961315,0.04718113841147276,0.04719846742153045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034428970297942146,0.0347274142048088,0.10836566585588976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045888164584418335,0.08987851640277161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868237861865064,0.07123995878380099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143505883069508,0.0,0.1298774259641504,0.0,0.048932402577086864,0.0,0.04427402873901313,0.0,0.04485479651697714,0.0,0.10099168157195644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369495762248768,0.0,0.06000715026239471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999333453666879,0.0,0.03724491646747215,0.0,0.2369966134731168,0.03732127558182655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264428272570041,0.0,0.09548437058514364,0.0,0.0,0.04632081935968815,0.052427729381460834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915599380942563,0.0,0.0,0.16084393857923046,0.20491869875390972,0.10629516259392373,0.044141249113558066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043119195665392296,0.053559680808642575,0.0,0.06222992625176569,0.060019703423775515,0.0,0.03718160339203642,0.054619502451497125,0.16148915479423245,0.04439391855629991,0.04475266290258742,0.0,0.06359551607729383,0.0,0.0,0.04875668335662655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209950498345144,0.037175287948837336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226112650692478,0.052289386822151215,0.10771542795413216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241301326347946,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sywy1874,2018/01/27,why is suicide cowardly? and whats holding me back? like damn imagine not having to live. dont have to worry about school. dont have to worry about sat act or finals. dont have to worry about friends(or lack thereof).,0.9933333333333324,3.5901423255813967,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,90.86046511627909,3.7968992248062015,21.12015503875969,5.46131890053228,0.14954573643410818,172,6,32,1,6,55,30,43,0.234,0.583,0.183,-0.5778,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,22,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666067568778446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6706073511372044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089369290061424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318172924455287,0.0,0.16841932312723873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303036240443824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862919781974015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210542475065474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810909939208183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aussiepotluck,2018/01/27,"It's all my fault anyways At this point I've stayed up late to talk to my boyfriend but he's decided to go play games instead so that doesn't matter. I don't blame him since I've cheated on him, broken up with him, then allowed myself to go get raped. If you can even call it that, since I let him take advantage of me in the first place. An on-phone therapist laughed at me! My friends did too! Ofc I deserve it. I did a terrible thing. Slut whore hoe I deserve to just rid of myself like the trash I am TBH. I don't fit in with the people around me, I'm not extraordinary in any way. All I do is hurt people. I'm the devil incarnate, lust and greed embedded in my heart. What a shame I'm too scared to cut that fucking thing out. I live high up so I could just jump but I'm too chicken shit for that too, yet I'm not when it comes to toying with someone else's life. My excuse is that I was groomed as a kid, but c'mon, a cheater's a cheater and if there's anything I've learnt from social media, it's that there's no end to the cycle no matter what I do. Slut by design, that's me! My poor family, all I do is bring them shame. I can't kill myself yet, im scared of death, but god do I deserve it. I'm gonna stay up and wallow. Trying to fix things doesn't work. I was broken from the start so whatever right? Whatever. I'm tired ",-0.605450180072026,1.3770157619047616,1.6694277711084449,98.4949699879952,88.6598639455782,4.819367747098839,17.4905962384954,6.2272716619740125,-0.4491437374949983,1030,26,254,10,34,346,153,294,0.32,0.605,0.075,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,1,3,18,23,7,4,12,0,20,10,2,1,3,27,36,15,2,3,10,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,19,9,0,0,1,3,2,5,9,18,0,1,4,0,35,5,33,29,3,34,1,1,0,6,14,18,2,2,9,154,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966483883706799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695496778816344,0.12651943788493802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512328525674728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242622143260115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347350381000275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872537583347932,0.0,0.1258786305481905,0.0,0.0,0.09387077947056804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398074216789604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208895945506061,0.0,0.0,0.10980373496761953,0.13139025310816235,0.07425330537385208,0.0,0.16154334292766662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841622106588122,0.0,0.1501605580197292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521454138114385,0.0,0.1535170295055765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723783848069986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032072670240924,0.0,0.0,0.1453302083124677,0.10038554789927456,0.06943402891903458,0.0,0.12549705019800886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706013114509127,0.0,0.14848809325412346,0.0,0.13435199912323026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137210818206585,0.0,0.0,0.28457946436440623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588702810071286,0.2351309238401266,0.0,0.0,0.14487631280133828,0.12042020065583635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059526055415012,0.3029680232876019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685867010952338,0.11423293585615515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501554330610044,0.2832602510548807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633492696980582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649206276917197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281047594177795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346710260658036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kendorable,2018/01/27,"I don't have a single person left I want to buy a tank of carbon monoxide and find somewhere secluded and closed off where I can drift away. 

My birth parents were horribly abusive

My chosen parents disowned me, and won't let me just sit down and have a conversation with them, because I'm still unclear on why

My only friend betrayed and abandoned me, and pretends like we're still friends even though he never reaches out to me, doesn't hold conversations with me, and I flew to his country to visit him and when he came to my hotel to hang out he spent most of the time asleep because he was ""sick"". He calls himself my friend purely so that he doesn't feel guilty, not because he actually feels any friendship for me anymore. He used to be excited and kind to me, but now I could disappear for days and he wouldn't care to check on me. He knows I'm suicidal, and I've asked him to just be a little extra positive and encouraging for me, but he has this weird pride thing where if people ask him for help, they're below him. He knows he's the only person I have, but he doesn't care to be a real friend to me. 

I want to do fun, creative things, tell stories, travel, learn. I want to have a flourishing life, but right now I'm trapped, alone, might even not have a home come March. 

I kept thinking my whole life I was special, funny, and creative, but nobody cares enough to stick around me.

I know we're supposed to love ourselves first, but I was so hardwired from childhood to only enjoy things if I'm given permission to from someone I think of as above me. I can't love myself if not even a single person loves me.

There's nothing left for me, why keep fighting? I'm not going to accomplish anything. I can't even convince a friend whose life I once saved to return the favor, just by being a little extra kind to me every now and then. 

I'm not even worth taking ten seconds for anyone I love to write out an encouraging sentence. 

I'm not worth anything. 
I have nobody.
I am nobody. 
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suicidewatch,The_ASStronaut_,2018/01/27,"I just need someone It's been 4 years that I havent had a friend, nobody to call me and ask how im doing, not a person to listen to or take an opinion from. It's gotten to the point that I'm scared of socializing because I dont know how to act, but I still try to put myself out there. But no matter what, I always mess it up. My own family ignores me to the point that if I try to say something theyll start talking during my sentence and everyone just looks right over me. Im tired of it. The constant dread of being alone, the feeling of my heart being in my stomach.. I cant take it. Nobody even notices me. It's not like I'm a horrible person, I try my best to help people and I do my part as best I can but still.. the universe just wants to kick my ass I guess.

And if I am with people like at my brothers house or something and he invites his friends, they all look down on me and treat me like shit. My brothers fiance fell when she was drunk just the other night and I went to go help but low and behold, I got pushed out of the way and told to move. Why do people do this to me? I cant wait to end it. Just a few more hours.

",0.9092183646366934,2.150977641434263,2.939954467842913,95.2730544488712,79.35856573705179,5.418402580155568,19.9205084424208,5.622346879071545,-0.296641586036805,872,20,212,4,21,295,137,251,0.168,0.706,0.126,-0.8652,0,1,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,13,14,1,2,12,0,16,6,4,2,1,39,36,21,0,4,15,2,1,3,2,1,1,2,0,2,13,12,1,2,2,1,0,7,7,6,0,0,7,5,36,8,30,26,7,29,0,1,2,1,20,12,2,6,12,145,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021452125667133,0.0,0.0,0.0965803465044206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851068988349803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707557868687748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24361864706986974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185214393708542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543148517766595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603431409687486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280442902190892,0.0,0.0,0.07666378195637273,0.0,0.0,0.11091078733998727,0.0,0.0,0.10942138183835004,0.0,0.05868897071145796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935228924336924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659658079359679,0.0,0.09283255915971507,0.0,0.12786526101762866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375446600372504,0.15559985099397958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143065261690734,0.13393031707518835,0.0,0.0,0.25075313410592553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378957039497858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701192410489249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194940765606529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336507357001347,0.0,0.08606515460590647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892474384975873,0.0,0.0,0.13214757031775046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569355105503538,0.0,0.2414069907314163,0.2026973904214824,0.0,0.0,0.2194491709619928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166833853323698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912397542381753,0.0,0.09230429525078747,0.11620729117379175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191451842165958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831973823896318,0.0983465574515254,0.1787142090853867,0.0,0.0,0.08215563101173427,0.0,0.1853888554821267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454185065104352,0.09329345016740168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340650696089162,0.0,0.11091078733998727,0.0,0.2364137115632177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684616662608936,0.09213173448407036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759895340654116,0.10473599805581263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747459000824415
suicidewatch,laurasia3oo2,2018/01/27,"I hate the idea of death but I hate the idea of living even more How do you guys decide on a suicide date, I might make it the weekend before my GCSEs so that I don't have to make an effort in class. Every time I am in a car I look outside and imagine myself hanging from every tree and lamp and anything really. I want to do a shit ton of drugs before I die because being high is better than being sober.",4.377586206896549,3.85547779310345,5.844275862068965,84.15331034482759,69.91954022988506,7.419770114942527,25.44597701149425,5.6839178017228535,0.7819811494252873,316,7,67,1,5,108,62,87,0.266,0.6759999999999999,0.058,-0.9739,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,2,3,4,3,0,7,0,9,2,1,3,0,13,15,6,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,11,1,10,12,2,9,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,3,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521330220443085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269560203906676,0.0,0.3146230873520631,0.0,0.0,0.16350331278785676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918668363175504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143915843017957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210550464499087,0.0,0.311523461179424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305128447602484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650435356851189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953262859665643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173935511801801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324441676432686,0.0,0.15524501891787662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24680556049857064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611884011547973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184330506198704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976735132982175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221878989718292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077997250391698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904166340737728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kiritoconnell,2018/01/27,"Disappear or suicide? Is it better to make people think that you have left on some journey that you say you are never coming back from?  Or to let them know that you are actually just commiting suicide?  Which would be harder on people to deal with?
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suicidewatch,HDEM,2018/01/27,Every day suicide seems sweeter I don't know why I'm posting. Desperate reach for a reason to live? I hate being alive,1.213750000000001,3.7751962083333375,3.2633333333333354,85.915,86.91666666666666,4.866666666666667,24.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.1142666666666678,95,4,17,1,3,32,22,24,0.3720000000000001,0.496,0.131,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22806793736118994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979561597121994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491453568495639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943507784815776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31226976825056696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386884638585049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635998513702846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219397177508255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38682373283410604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191042459002756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Super_Whack,2018/01/27,"I can envision a scenario where I don't kill myself, it just doesn't seem likely I feel like my depression is mostly tied to my anxiety and is thus situational. That means that there are situations in which I am not planning on killing myself. I just can't see any of those happening. 

The simplest idea is if I were to fall into a ton of money. You hear ""money can't buy happiness"" but I feel like if I could afford a therapist, afford to eat based on what I want/need not what is healthy-ish and affordable, didn't have to work a minimum wage job, could travel, could afford to have pets, could afford medication, could afford to consume all the media I would like, I wouldn't feel as shitty as I do. 

The most relatively likely is if I were to find someone to have a relationship with. While I view this as the most likely cure to my in-part-loneliness fueled depression I still don't see it as likely to happen again. Sever social anxiety keeps me from being able to make or keep friends and I don't know how to pursue a relationship other than from a friendship. I'm not an r/incel or even an r/niceguy mentally (I despise those communities in general), but I do identify with that level of loneliness and despair that it will never end.

Past those two we get into corner cases that will never happen. For example, if the US passed a UBI that allowed me to deal with my shit for a bit I could see myself getting better, but I don't see that happening in the next decade. Similarly if US college was free and I could clear my debt I would try going again now that I know myself better, but I don't see either of those happening in the decade. Ironically if stuff got way way worse, like world wide nuclear war that I somehow survived, I feel like I would excel simply because survival is the only goal to have so my purpose would be clear. Similar to that if I got cancer or some other fatal disease it would either take away the need to kill myself by killing me or it would again give me a purpose, beating cancer or whatever.

If anyone actually read this whole thing I'm surprised but appreciative. I find ranting like this into an r/sw post levels my head temporarily and gives me some perspective. I guess I know why blogging is a thing.",7.104227107665127,6.26210263205418,7.8237707331435855,73.27573657866327,64.44018058690746,10.774325252723527,33.03062125821965,10.074871250255047,3.1362751791147314,1778,61,336,34,23,597,212,443,0.126,0.711,0.163,0.9511,10,0,0,0,0,3,43.0,3,1,0,9,13,28,7,0,23,0,46,6,2,4,5,84,81,31,6,23,25,0,4,10,1,9,3,1,1,0,30,13,1,2,12,3,6,4,15,11,0,1,6,11,52,18,43,57,11,34,0,3,6,0,12,16,1,21,21,248,82,7,0.06671229806567767,0.0,0.06510157954741162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536665034683878,0.0,0.1020694508413076,0.0,0.0,0.046646789945712426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267840006726738,0.0,0.0,0.04066719769967317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800321264338727,0.0728325511540061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37285039103440987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877744997853573,0.11491840913896048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826333566465846,0.0,0.0,0.059087294827061015,0.0,0.0,0.04406284369371232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492696952912947,0.14297783720360271,0.0,0.0,0.12194766367369406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051541755998532085,0.0,0.06970884458151043,0.1279930303901289,0.03791413637623685,0.0,0.10671183809506296,0.0,0.07349111753033152,0.0,0.2949673242936551,0.07101648180105577,0.0,0.0,0.06846606431384321,0.0,0.07518960842215812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531006426732076,0.0,0.0,0.06620166195372419,0.11859391153142902,0.2952290942416028,0.0,0.10999000301873396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259225906655409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453097698832409,0.0,0.0,0.07266924997386026,0.0,0.06720562181145223,0.06723030555024094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946632370724057,0.10290527390194293,0.0,0.07094928582736869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073770885023166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224291773914095,0.06368443715755978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638919405644649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673035136097719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324808348389154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658053214399885,0.06073237062030457,0.0,0.07536590791352751,0.06847921528293481,0.0,0.1499748363230793,0.0,0.06800478660016088,0.0565251136614588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053276527411038686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636962050772741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015934569745621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745811990417598,0.08864137301133382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529327127633974,0.0,0.06516822153412646,0.0,0.16049336100880007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934864185517911,0.1059062340053194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019747257009157,0.07448189835681697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856734753144857,0.0,0.06798553111999736,0.28434301485910946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neck-beep,2018/01/27,I need help quickly I’ve never been this suicidal and I don’t know how to deal with urges and I’m really scared please help I’m terrified of what I’m going to do to myself ,0.11115384615384727,1.9702297948717948,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,84.38461538461539,6.976923076923077,17.442307692307693,8.07648339933343,0.5582769230769227,138,3,32,3,4,49,27,39,0.27,0.5589999999999999,0.171,-0.7643,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,9,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547895815887176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558068211922147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613348331091766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912839970143766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25517282621413045,0.26541925501989955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777584933001192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046262982907228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445406337940836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764294340832067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway274957,2018/01/27,"The end. This is it. I lost the last of my family, my mum to cancer. I have nobody. No friends either due to never leaving the house because of caring for my mum while ill. 

I have no money to even survive. 

So this is it, the end. ",-1.396938775510204,0.611918693877552,1.5889795918367329,96.13816326530615,96.75510204081631,3.6163265306122447,15.16326530612245,5.288315135182226,-0.8535795918367346,172,4,39,1,7,60,32,49,0.235,0.659,0.106,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,6,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074860714627275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023098050967538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252363990705107,0.0,0.0,0.19584082688359014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795214813451584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290814497572965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421305781093936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416937046248501,0.0,0.3139593028120105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236736556627349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22868535303492715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,magicsax03,2018/01/27,"The only people that would miss me is my family. I've been feeling so much pain lately, and I've been thinking about what would happen if I killed myself. I realized that my parents would be devastated, as my older brother died when he was a baby and me killing myself would be terrible for them. But just my parents and my siblings would miss me. My best friends would probably miss me for like 6 months, but by the time they were in college they probably wouldn't remember my name. 

I've thought about killing myself, but I don't want to hurt my parents like that. I don't want to kill myself either I'm not brave enough. But if tomorrow doctors told me I had a week left I'd be ok with it. I'd say my goodbyes and die knowing I wouldn't have to hurt anymore.

I don't know if this is the right subreddit for this. I don't know if anyone cares how I feel. I just wanted to put this out there. ",2.5717741935483858,4.036432844086022,3.8373978494623664,89.63609677419355,75.39784946236558,6.895483870967742,25.30322580645161,7.554174236665415,1.1358606451612905,703,24,152,9,15,230,100,186,0.17800000000000002,0.674,0.14800000000000002,-0.4826,3,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,3,1,8,18,4,0,5,1,23,2,0,1,0,40,40,16,6,15,12,4,2,2,1,8,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,7,3,31,7,14,22,4,12,0,5,0,0,12,4,0,4,9,104,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041753100488254,0.07344912837932485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102370790092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070992438916874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21803794141459726,0.0,0.0,0.10751686972333513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853841556292863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990260282625293,0.0,0.106226691250479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115664674113303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288996261035097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490330780860335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648619909215513,0.0,0.17318811994495828,0.0,0.11849408024331827,0.0,0.11413049088572112,0.0,0.0,0.10263827470818623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838450286510289,0.0,0.07721934365655289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989060973650147,0.1117741022123446,0.0,0.34991641716080063,0.0,0.0,0.07282420518218112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265101540438515,0.0,0.0,0.10559812003435287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899424720802106,0.08970690578843474,0.0,0.08353511531924153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730788148377945,0.0,0.08339311298551742,0.06125193541446381,0.0,0.0,0.1003739358544603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858728189358788,0.0,0.08425987022769166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477209820109098,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilentLyrit,2018/01/27,"don't really know what to write only been out of the hospital for a couple weeks since my last attempt and I feel so hopeless, I'm pushing away friends and my family has never felt more distant. dunno how to beat this shit. ",2.8256666666666668,4.827292844444443,4.268611111111113,84.49625000000003,76.1111111111111,7.166666666666668,24.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.5546666666666664,178,6,34,3,4,59,41,45,0.165,0.772,0.063,-0.7198,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,10,7,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,1,6,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016390615301311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35523809536288103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026593923189455,0.0,0.162333612616915,0.0,0.3082604098757997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804409321755094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764418643565718,0.2617003509606612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761520885161634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417462579370114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567422708276945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32955541638101704,0.2655776545694384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25752866763854804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,patrickdontdie,2018/01/27,"I have a different problem than most suicidal people. I'm never truly depressed, I'm just never satisfied with anything. Nothing in my life is terrible or horrendous or tortuous. I feel like I have a mental infection, because no matter how terrible or how great things are, I just always want to die and I don't have enough problems to seek out attention or comfort. I feel trapped between being a narcissist because I've always wanted at least just one person to truly and deeply, sincerely actually care about me. Suicide would be selfish, and so many people depend on me, I don't want to die because I hate myself, I just want to die because I'm sick of being alive and it has never gone away. I've actually tried to kill myself twice, but I've only nearly succeeded once. I don't know if it's enough to count as suicidal? Truthfully, I just don't want to ruin anybody's lives. Being a survivor or a loved one with an accomplished suicide sucks and I don't want to pass that feeling along. I feel, sometimes, it might be OCD because if things don't go the way I planned or pictured them, I literally want to die because I feel I can't survive. I'm too outwardly normal for anybody to notice and I don't want to put burden on anybody so even if I got a therapist or something, I would never be truthful to them. This is really a self-pondering, I just hope it's in the right place. What kind of person consistently checks this thread anyway? Either a survivor or somebody thinking about it, but it might be unhealthy for you either way.",5.279252491694352,6.1824243255813975,6.391792358803986,76.04230647840534,68.20265780730898,9.076478405315617,32.99019933554817,9.255337874911486,3.0784696345514955,1226,54,218,23,20,411,151,301,0.218,0.605,0.177,-0.9627,1,1,1,0,0,7,31.0,0,1,2,4,15,22,3,0,11,0,26,4,0,3,6,66,53,24,9,17,21,0,5,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,12,10,0,0,8,0,1,4,13,11,0,3,2,5,29,11,33,40,6,21,0,2,0,1,6,11,1,16,5,157,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.15958528605092498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607312591135667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728714418380415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682263989205214,0.0,0.0,0.2990658486127266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833667451464259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042566141426053,0.0,0.3394442917364593,0.08542894696414549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897401139418966,0.0,0.05400622814349098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067188612970708,0.058414248439912886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046469980767280025,0.0,0.06539641328909084,0.09014823224096882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072782847847584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121292392766698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046289618209212,0.08514758358082747,0.04493691811195755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057754338812722725,0.039947148919742964,0.0,0.07220161974316876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379776751967666,0.0,0.0,0.08289874422632586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240174521965853,0.1734833962368449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522545180310187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011414465881797,0.07845749040109337,0.09309209184657498,0.0,0.08707901841330462,0.11081465689980197,0.06218736808479401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337366601866625,0.14279130551402272,0.08542894696414549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647965035657727,0.0,0.08219826061282652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238193290386376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982843651354045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853006491505636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294810992915438,0.08086949775622786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577586164961137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949376060289941,0.10864451343809887,0.05239289091227284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551431857004925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38582561651064107,0.1298054268868125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616963745563873,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SunsFenix,2018/01/27,"12 years of PTSD, I'm tired of trying, running out of finances, and will attempt a suicide attempt. This is me. I've been in a bit of limbo on unemployment that just ended. I've been getting some part time jobs but not enough to support the $400 budget I have. I've called the local psychiatrists but they've all either not returned my call or were scheduled full. I've done therapy most of my life and have done some medication but haven't given it a chance or had a good doctor. Since it seems to take months to find a good combination of drugs.

I'm going to attempt a suicide attempt for the near death experience and to get some medical help.",4.4510683760683785,5.444101730769233,5.474102564102567,81.54311965811969,70.15384615384616,7.931623931623932,29.05982905982906,8.167268648758528,1.9119572649572647,515,19,102,7,9,170,84,130,0.168,0.7509999999999999,0.081,-0.9,3,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,9,0,11,6,0,0,1,20,20,8,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,7,0,4,3,16,12,10,14,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,7,6,64,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053822567174004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31901081916928725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988508257483589,0.0,0.3197091876305673,0.0,0.0,0.181151206251828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835355565456822,0.16140419247207966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280099224986987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277090296995576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322403211471176,0.0,0.08877637049686349,0.2620390225605391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470265167150644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501192512446368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033403706183116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147254165148283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468340423093376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915759249639994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259830792067014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142205518855501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921652871482014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417314894701569,0.17726251658623227,0.0,0.0,0.11744866382631305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863698734749445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910858991413192,0.17953764016880813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605469664247648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059256342742773
suicidewatch,aajaas,2018/01/27,"that is my life hello people, 

first of all excuse my English as its not my first language, in this post ill be talking briefly about my miserable life, i really need someone to just be at my side and it could inspire some of you that what you are going throw is just a small rock in your path. no more introductions lest begin. i am a 23 years old man. since i was 18 i suffered from hair lose and now I'm practically bald.

about two months ago i was fired from my job as ""i was receiving a lot of money winch made losses to the company"" my mangier said. that happened after they cutted  my salary by 35%. trying to find a job in this economy for a freshly graduated man is really hard in my small country so i have no job now.
trying to fix my life and get my shit together, i shaved my head and kept an awesome full beard,  tried to quit smoking ""its not going fine so far"" and found a girl that i like and care about. 
few weeks ago the girl i like just stopped talking to me for now reason at all .. she don't return calls or texts. and two days ago i found out that the man responsible whom costed me my job is my cousin ""all was my cousin idea whom in fact my mangier and a partner in the ownership of the company i used to worked for"" in addition to that when i was hanging out with my best friend he was consistently texting and smiling so i took a glimpse and he was chatting with my girl and the conversation was:

**the girl**: "" *can i call you* "" 

**my friend**: "" *no i'm with him now, ill call you later* ""

I acted normal for reasons I'll write later, yesterday i found out that they are in fact in a  relationship now together *my girl and my best friend*. 

historically, i have tried committing suicide few times ( bleeding to death, over douse, hanging my self and jumping in front of a moving car) why you may ask? 
i suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar and sleep disorder. when i first was diagnosed with those after many sessions my mom throw all my pills away and said ""those pills wont help you, you are completely normal"" in the same context she calls me ugly and i look like a monkey, when ever i reach home after a 12 hours shift from work i only hear complains from her and never a nice words, so i hated staying home for many reasons and that is one of them beside i don't feel safe at home. 
i started taking drugs to escape my reality and i really hate it, i don't want to go in that path. 

i have no one to speak to and if i did I'm not really the type of person who speaks up about whats in there mind, i find it easier to open up for strangers whom i may never meet than to talk with someone who i know.
>I acted normal for reasons I'll write later.

 because i don't care about my self as much i care about other people being happy. 

**so next time when you feel vulnerable and that your life is braking apart, remember that there is always someone ready to trade his life for yours because for him .. you are living in haven.**

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suicidewatch,haremking7,2018/01/27,"I Find Comfort in the Pain My whole life I've been humiliated, embarrassed, traumatized, betrayed and lied to ever since i was 3 years old.
Long story short my parents split when i was 3, I was abused as a kid, used to sleep in my rotting bed of piss since I had some type of kidney problem. Bullied when i was in school. My dad's side of the family lied to me about my mother and it made me hate her for the next 15+ yrs. My grandmother, my only mother figure passed away and now the only person i could go to that would accept me with open arms is gone. Everyone of my family just sees me as a nuisense, kinda like an person that they had to take care of when i used to live with my grandma. I could see it in their eyes, the ""go away"" look, seen it so many times. I can go on and on about how terrible my life has been and what ive gone through. My little brother which i never knew killed himself about 2 years ago and i blame myself for it. I hate myself, I hate how i cant love my own mother now. I want to get closer to her but i dont want to cause her more pain you know? Not seeing her for 10+ yrs when i saw her i couldnt even shed a tear, felt like meeting a stranger. I was always a go with the flow type of guy so when reality hit it hit me hard. Now im out of school. 22 no job, no money, no type of skills, i dont know how to do anything since i was always sheltered from the world when i was young.  I have no dreams of being anything, no aspirations. Only thing keeping me alive is how i know my suicide will affect the people i care about, i tried killing myself more times than i can count. I've stood on a stool with a rope around my neck so many times just bursting into tears, wishing, hoping for something just anything some type of sign for whatever. I want to tell my entire story but i dont want to make this a competition of Who had it worst ya know? Im just spiritually, mentally, physically drained, broken, lost, trying to find my way in life but i see no future. Everyday is the same, a colorless monotone world. I have severe anxiety, cant look people in the face if anyone's seen A silent Voice exactly like that. i just really dont know what to do. I want to shout at the top of my lungs, climb the highest mountain, run until my legs give out to that feeling that i cant achieve, Happiness. I dont drink or do drugs so i can never escape from my reality so it feels like my only escape is by suicide. I know my story is all over the place but that's how my thoughts are I just have way too many things in my chest i want to get out because No one in my family cares about my mental health. They brush it off with ""what do you have to be depressed about"" type questions. If i were to tell a friend im sure they would further distance themselves from me. Since im mentally unstable i could never hold a relationship together, I pushed away the one girl who truly accepted me with all my flaws. But i was happy in my pain. I welcomed it, and it started to become an addiction. Confort in the pain is what i call it. I love to hear depressing melodies, when i enjoy a day and feel some sort of happiness i immidietly shut it all off and remember how miserable i truly am. I blocked myself from everyone now. I push everyone away, Friends that i used to have i remember laughing with them in school. Now i cant look at then in the eye, its like Pain and Sorrow has taken control over me. Please someone help me.
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suicidewatch,cmkotc,2018/01/27,"Little reason to be here. I fucking hate myself. I live with my mom and grandma, and the only think keeping me from eating a mouthful of pills is that one of them will find me. Aside from my grandma, my mom is all I've got, and I'm all she's got... I can't end everything and do this to my grandmother, to my siblings, to my mother, but I can't fucking handle this shit anymore.",2.369291666666665,3.3681080125000022,4.212500000000002,88.60916666666668,75.125,6.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.8842083333333335,291,10,63,2,6,99,52,80,0.115,0.885,0.0,-0.871,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,0,7,6,2,1,2,12,15,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,15,0,9,11,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,0,1,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066545298692172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322224792671826,0.0,0.0,0.18456065330334212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727629932281525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045329915937775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852833613732463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333171134618502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572968310616505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521553452481854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884904075932714,0.18400118805963436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880985196376483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120201594170945,0.15848051124900842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424681936150688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138965533505928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351991559232476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pikapikachoo,2018/01/27,Im in a bind. Money equals stress it makes me want to kill myself I feel suicidal.  I can't afford to see my doctor right now until I start getting my paychecks. I'd rather die then face these withdrawals. I need my anxiety meds ,0.5249645390070938,2.9406747234042565,2.2777659574468103,92.6841666666667,89.0,4.835460992907802,18.471631205673766,6.42735559955562,0.06366950354609903,180,5,37,2,6,59,39,47,0.339,0.636,0.025,-0.9538,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,5,8,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,9,0,4,8,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,21,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568128129738573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926064303305673,0.0,0.0,0.28857479800032226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425559823715573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730061534744593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30454069079659496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119218767096866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819535316592864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131688089382331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090529534608048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407729343659735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466754481895967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955668917441835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229582522755312,0.0,0.0,0.30839367236790816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629393854252753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DDMKG,2018/01/27,"Why should I care? I’m insoncequential. 

I’m sure on the weekends there is a spike of posts due to loneliness and alcohol but I suppose that’s besides the point. 

Why should any of this matter? This is a fucked up world and I shouldn’t be a part of it anymore. I don’t matter. I’m the embodiment of negativity and bullshit. I seem to consistently fuck up and I can’t ever turn it around. I would be what you call the black sheep in our family and I am sick of it. I do my best to save money and plan, but it always gets fucked up. No matter what. 

I’m tired of borrowing money. I’m tired of being a burden.  I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of this world. I’m tired of knowing that I’ll kever improve on what I was born into and that if I have kids, that they will go through what I go through. I can’t do this anymore. ",-0.2833146067415733,1.7185239831460706,2.3989775280898904,93.71498314606742,87.25842696629213,5.3577528089887645,18.45056179775281,6.742157984588678,-0.052537977528089634,631,17,151,8,20,219,87,178,0.28800000000000003,0.608,0.103,-0.9927,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,2,3,8,3,0,8,0,18,10,0,0,3,25,36,10,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,17,9,1,0,2,1,3,2,6,4,0,0,1,1,17,4,23,27,3,18,0,0,1,3,5,11,3,2,4,100,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343748765353344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389361576065266,0.0,0.0,0.0849091579931545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476553609580877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115197181949373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310329845919978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749613484593791,0.0,0.12730320597031508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129431199429894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770700160195495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462934855302554,0.0652342552606395,0.0,0.1419217584340883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861985234076239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352113340813714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803316446931313,0.0,0.11958147305128095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366795681130963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767917817495767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7175416570663949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358119476881174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533366118791065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869704135945884,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bekez,2018/01/27,"I can't trust anyone with my suicidal thoughts. I can't. I've been depressed I guess? This girl and I broke up many months ago. It''s been a weird rollercoaster of us trying to grow and figure things out and I miss her. I've voiced everything I could possibly say to her. I used to have a problem with worrying if people really understood what I mean when I say things or when I do things. Anyways, I have a certain amount of understanding of why we're not back together. Besides that, we had a goodbye where I finally felt understood and that I understood why didn't want to get back together. But the conversation didn't stop after that. It was supposed to stop guys. She was supposed to go do her own thing and I was gonna do mine. she's still talking to me and it's still that hollow conversation. remnants of what we were before. I've been wanting to kill myself for a long time. I sometimes think I'm just being a baby or that I'm not actually suicidal. It only feels real when I have these episodes. I want to tell her. I want a little help from her. But I can't trust her with these thoughts. She'd freak out our blame herself. She would see me as weak. She'd think that I'm mentally unstable and there's something wrong me so she shouldn't date a guy like that. My depression roots run deep. It's not just this breakup. The urge is so strong someone please help. I know there's more in life and I know that good days are coming but I don't know if I can wait. I don't want to do this guys but it feels like the right thing. Please I don't want to die tonight but it feels so right.",0.7549610430911109,3.0606360694864065,2.209522181586898,94.73580974717764,85.58610271903322,5.901128955318811,20.493003657179198,7.273561745256523,0.4928501510574015,1253,39,282,20,38,404,160,331,0.138,0.785,0.076,-0.8721,0,0,1,0,0,2,31.0,4,0,0,1,16,17,1,0,11,0,32,2,0,2,1,65,66,24,4,12,14,0,4,2,0,3,2,3,0,4,26,16,0,3,17,0,0,4,12,10,0,0,16,8,49,7,26,43,3,31,0,4,1,0,29,9,0,5,20,180,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.09366190793284808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507981870667965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671109268873635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476042456557807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167127699663188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267762979869214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663162540002734,0.0,0.0,0.061898679459250074,0.0,0.1653335837838458,0.0,0.09961131376111224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625996582481622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455899858984064,0.06856759911561937,0.09215513658029736,0.10514058267820918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050145199461279696,0.0,0.05454722259140225,0.0805028455840521,0.0,0.0,0.10573197043545007,0.28510365755139144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866574325287372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618682540497028,0.0,0.15824306580413738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779298641446896,0.09378123201425437,0.09619642839797647,0.0,0.08493862058968762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730790026590737,0.0,0.10454954623096292,0.0,0.0,0.0967245147125508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766097258310286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299654859515604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653993066291361,0.0,0.0,0.21071280043162535,0.0,0.10820218912648358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183918497589487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092454049876124,0.061486768591193376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163931519093531,0.0,0.15265311217212918,0.0,0.0,0.07648303994419173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132291149399341,0.07388951980008789,0.09492593760808783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329831442017475,0.1604859100817613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997145432160527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714448972626663,0.08389009953007402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188217619198644,0.1229992625609636,0.0,0.15239361533542947,0.05596627557076229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516361405904955,0.0,0.0,0.09991778958720872,0.11545122643062848,0.08289526017535102,0.0,0.0,0.3396663088371037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321269845822762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747159263246444,0.0,0.06818090913776513,0.10493824852077024,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,queefingbutthole,2018/01/27,"I feel it in my gut that im going to meet my end I know and am sure that everything from this point on in my life is going to be worthless and monotonous. Last year I made the dumb decision to quit my job that I was good at and liked. For the next 6 months, I had a psychotic break and did some crazy shit like slice open my skin and paint the walls. I tried ripping into areas where my arteries are with a box knife. I have a new job now, one that I hate every second of. Unfortunately it took 8 months for me to even be hired as a pathetic dishwasher. I blame this on my social anxiety and my face. I'm a female but I have hereditary alopecia and struggle with acne on top of having a slight deformity to my face due to what I think has been high levels of male hormones during development. I will never be able to date because of this and the subsequent social phobia. Social anxiety is probably the main culprit of my unhappiness. It always has been. I've tried very hard to overcome it especially in the last 7 years, but it's only gotten worse with age. Almost anything I tried to do backfired big time. Sometimes I wonder why I can never have a positive social interaction even when it's not my fault at all. 
I'm tired of talking and talking about it and sounding like the boy who cried wolf. I just have to make it a goal somehow. I'm at a point where being dead doesn't scare me as much as before. It's just blacking out forever and I'm fine with that now. ",3.1710862342914936,4.481058504983392,4.802949588328758,83.93712119023543,73.58471760797342,7.892589917665753,25.04708941210458,8.456263369488248,1.5427736819297992,1154,36,240,20,23,390,172,301,0.174,0.758,0.068,-0.9856,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,11,13,3,2,16,0,24,7,5,2,4,37,39,17,1,0,5,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,19,18,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,7,0,2,8,5,29,6,38,26,4,44,0,1,1,0,11,22,2,4,21,158,48,4,0.11128503556330753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114358880265706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259806444699896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026549521078624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157810216905432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783832476903619,0.0,0.09469536873420853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222413860235978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098565510360557,0.0,0.0,0.14700543287079534,0.0,0.0937624421463138,0.0,0.10001581426378413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056269057721996016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264917005505572,0.09334060794775192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996895332560936,0.10987093320669136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175787500450639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020693501635292,0.0,0.2208664524677972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061159345190485964,0.181424313999868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860391170785876,0.16310474145588078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053005914095928,0.07428362538097097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765330733092494,0.0,0.08180730575933533,0.0,0.17165975986249796,0.10747978080799167,0.11835289782278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540962017705466,0.08463728424165501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040065821930973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998409046233208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118365333667368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114157344302903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142324897968028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537643172072109,0.0,0.0,0.11006374572310236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633928174246926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488482901411872,0.0,0.0,0.17889339236712185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713069572961772,0.0,0.0,0.06489119916751422,0.1279057776899593,0.0,0.0,0.12364176921832215,0.22666570261769625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182180905148224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041743531587964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068387396661437,0.0,0.0,0.1134089585855792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433278285591172
suicidewatch,not_another_human,2018/01/27,"done. First off,  I know I am not 'dead' already.  But it has felt that I am not supposed to be in this reality.  This world is fucked up.    I tried some cocaine last night (something I rarely do),  it pulled me back into some kind of amazing place, where it felt the last 12years of pain was released & I was enjoying conversation & connecting with people.  Now I know, obviously my brain was flooded with endorphin's,  but that was a nice release.

I will not suicide.  I know my parents will blame themselves.  Fucking really annoying I cannot do what I want.   I just want it to end.  

So my plan.  I will announce to the family that I am taking a vacation, which will be about 8hrs drive away.   I will unfortunately 'fall asleep at the wheel' & the rest is history.  It will happen when no other cars/trucks on the road,  I would never hurt another person, shit I catch flies that end up on my windows inside & let them go.     I will ensure I do not use the break & make sure I am driving near the speed limit,  so it looks much like an accident.   I don't care about insurance (I have nobody in my life, parents are fine for $).   I am sure my parents will be saddened by my sudden departure,  but at least they can know that I died 'instantly' & it was not suicide.   I only see them like once a year, so it's not like they depend on me.

Well,  not sure why I typed this.  But made me feel better to tell internet people anonymously about my plans.

Peace all.   Will be nice to have a vacation, spend the rest of my $ & move on from this shithole.


",2.905635179153098,4.504802794788277,4.112555048859935,87.44962736156353,74.79804560260588,7.517863192182411,24.98358306188925,8.238735603445708,1.4129391270358305,1186,39,251,20,25,388,167,307,0.125,0.6990000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9573,3,0,2,0,0,3,57.0,0,0,4,5,12,21,4,0,13,0,38,7,3,4,6,38,58,8,4,3,12,3,3,3,0,10,2,0,1,1,20,3,0,1,7,0,1,7,11,6,1,1,9,5,42,15,30,34,7,39,0,1,2,2,10,18,3,3,16,173,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394170053609396,0.0,0.0,0.645658810741823,0.0,0.0,0.08926492453728245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998126974633242,0.06545875967555018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528946791267434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950318469120089,0.0,0.0,0.08679444159689532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883502099751303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711627478640724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079762281973885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802518161126972,0.0,0.04304365752150161,0.0,0.16347391395081973,0.0,0.0,0.07241047746739848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740032874610502,0.0,0.0,0.04838063456394222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527907893426003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113209535953358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864850075701595,0.18713815480080453,0.13878259835922266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704992198428636,0.060128958834169785,0.124768832384687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148671590272558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055088848012266,0.056824106530295335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047839674969478,0.06257943165245324,0.0,0.06565654564761092,0.0,0.0,0.0798875719415361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065934821748964,0.0,0.06474425597185124,0.0905829997859372,0.0,0.2835762320019071,0.0,0.0,0.11803512319690115,0.07433114730108073,0.08894143264128238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453566176982751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678365979070505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738344603058669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553627638076462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623408704945252,0.0,0.24069853888028656,0.0,0.06400623108155687,0.0,0.07440628607801893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779683820516952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352391375942781,0.0,0.0,0.1004222933257178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654097636129342,0.0,0.07681546252790064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047302671926499,0.0,0.0,0.054820128642277664
suicidewatch,throwawayy911000,2018/01/27,Idk what to do anymore Hi I’ve had a very rough life I guess to summarize: I’ve been raped 5 times (no SJW bullshit) I’ve always attracted toxic abusive people. I’ve been cheated on by every boyfriend I’ve ever had. My most recent ex of three years is v abusive. He’s addicted to meth and alcohol and is an unmedicated schizophrenic. He’s tried to kill me once. And yet he’s the only one that’s always been there for me. All my friends flake or ghost me. I get led on and played all the time. I put up with a lot of bullshit bc I’m a doormat lol. I was bulimic for 7 years and I’ve tried to kill myself before and went to the mental hospital for 7 days but that was years ago. I have depression anxiety and borderline personality disorder. I’m on hella meds (anxiety meds anti depressants and antipsychotics) and they help most of the time. Tonight is rough. I haven’t self harmed in about 3 years but tonight I cut again. Not too deep I don’t think idk I drank a bit tonight. But seeing the blood made me stop crying and calmed me down. Every time I start to cry again I feel the blood sticking to my pj pants and it calms me down a bit. I cut with my ex’s knife and left a voicemail for a my sister crying asking for help but she hardly replies ever and she never picks up. Does this make me a toxic person?  I’ve been bullied my whole life. I’m super “alternative” with a loooot of piercings and tattoos and it seems everyone wants to “get with” the freak but no one wants to “stay with” the freak. I could easily take them all out and dye my hair blonde and dress differently but that’s not who I am and I know it will make me even more sad for not being “Me”. I’m just so sad and I can’t afford therapy anymore even though I’ve been for the past like 7 years. I want to die but I know it would fuck people up but I’m so sad and I feel so alone. I barely have any friends bc people get tired of me so I put up with the few friends I have constantly flaking on me. I know I’m a kind caring person and I’ve forgiven a lot of shit but I feel so alone and there’s no one here for me. Ever. Except my ex who abused me and that sucks bc I’m trying to distance myself from him. Sorry for the wall of text it’s like 4am and I just had to get this out on a throwaway. :-(,0.06435465768799276,2.1683257572016466,2.205564534231204,94.98831313131315,86.6954732510288,5.4275495697717915,18.30138421249532,6.823360437735567,-0.012848065843621193,1762,46,410,23,55,591,213,486,0.245,0.649,0.105,-0.9975,2,2,2,0,1,3,37.0,0,0,2,1,21,29,9,0,24,1,25,13,4,5,7,79,60,40,4,5,16,4,7,2,3,2,6,0,0,4,14,32,2,1,8,1,0,4,10,17,0,4,13,9,53,12,53,43,12,48,0,5,2,2,25,17,3,7,28,244,67,0,0.0,0.27034767533645626,0.0,0.08291407751427521,0.0,0.0,0.06742052781978332,0.08128250947945631,0.0,0.15754559894577402,0.0,0.0,0.12657213435922518,0.0,0.0,0.05172181791515077,0.0,0.1163678056623682,0.0,0.15085752571257208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110364642726608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471946798349662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660705350861726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754585482690113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219131204948632,0.0,0.0607258538005339,0.0,0.25063730913445964,0.04905089954267353,0.0,0.1310167047190488,0.0,0.07893584463020217,0.07946406816844133,0.08716866934982867,0.0,0.06655857207946968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004707361432402,0.20639552749768025,0.1281637202253306,0.07267635489608527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537111672024207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628588170400145,0.0703140824347937,0.15894795577613813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837860889050544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681327254130724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195969448807038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829306703137592,0.07920235033313344,0.125397904961662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263687170842875,0.0,0.10744355115049288,0.07431586312835181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932300783617445,0.0,0.07196759826243218,0.10153815923217524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689658317997082,0.0,0.07664823378990804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866035731725434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809989271919736,0.15461591936122218,0.0578452788231141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260564395893711,0.15818641769272634,0.19923184889524514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529179140509914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750977650184015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606081089579724,0.0692400384591702,0.07934472845319687,0.0,0.07807209650167983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514032506214664,0.05383400424178536,0.08106734731309967,0.0,0.06358761060983048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718589591853585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697856436035463,0.0,0.0,0.04873467838415375,0.07472626620995178,0.0,0.17739933612679396,0.08741709330415383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549144787080106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275553609991244,0.1345823379299064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050621415435375,0.0,0.08491566283457141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054029180494009635,0.0,0.0,0.2448932016309078
suicidewatch,AngelofSorrow,2018/01/27,"I can't stop wanting a girlfriend and it's making my life miserable. I'm 25 years old and I can't help but think why my time hasn't come yet. Every girl I've talked too either didn't like me or already had a boyfriend. Every single one of my friends have a girlfriend except me. It doesn't help that I was left out on a lot of things growing up, like getting picked last in sports or not getting picked at all and working alone when it's suppose to be a group project, and now the same nightmares still haunt me as an adult. I'm left out again on something that everyone wants. I guess maybe I only want one because everyone else has a girlfriend. If everyone had a Lamborghini but you didn't, wouldn't you want one too?

Any free time I get is spent thinking about what went wrong growing up and why I havn't found anyone yet. It's making me depressed and suicidal. It's making my outlook on life boring and bland and pointless. This just means that I have to keep myself busying from thinking about all this but it's already hard enough going out on public and seeing all these couples.

I'm watching everyone else live my dreams. I guess I could just accept it but then what? Am I suppose to sit and watch everyone else live my dream that doesn't require a degree or specific training? I don't even know how to accept this. I don't know where to start. I've read so many stories of people who stayed single their whole life and it wasn't their decision too. I just can't believe this is actually happening to me. I don't want to wait until I'm 30 years old or 35,40,50, 60... to finally find love and experience sex that people half my age are already doing. This kind of thinking makes me want to end it all. I wish I was asexual. I don't want to want women anymore. They don't want me.


I just needed to type this out and get my head straight again.",2.958520225294418,4.607702846560851,3.74379074927462,89.93950076804916,74.76719576719577,6.464720942140298,25.685611879160266,7.1029339738359605,1.0257454173067075,1468,51,307,15,31,467,186,378,0.098,0.772,0.13,0.7899,0,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,3,2,20,12,0,1,10,0,29,6,1,7,4,78,72,28,1,14,16,0,1,2,4,1,3,0,0,3,25,18,0,4,12,4,2,5,16,4,0,4,10,4,40,9,33,59,11,44,0,2,3,2,19,16,0,8,23,194,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.07549441249874328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801239768932079,0.25611355457373336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260899411013866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767225805433067,0.0540934955247773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715931963019684,0.0,0.0,0.08716078237304649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666407424981766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176747480466276,0.08559987646907204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663200680805115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387874034666347,0.0,0.06852000581430376,0.07993590156983246,0.0,0.051097047426601566,0.0,0.13036209232879248,0.36961480481475,0.0,0.07567514132801233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474658155328035,0.07070771007894773,0.0,0.0,0.08482373218145788,0.05976989522088275,0.0,0.16167436502257862,0.0,0.043966758886959056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044651697852886,0.0,0.06841119680562695,0.0,0.06930139531917054,0.0,0.0793960044811274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037085930659674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876313707928412,0.0,0.08056089577169323,0.08503255698106907,0.06306057263160897,0.0,0.0,0.16810865790220128,0.0,0.16392977018677704,0.07559059142165372,0.0,0.13662459738872887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577063250870159,0.06982246597394917,0.0,0.2065596545644642,0.0784331957803798,0.07772079493151493,0.08427018778408454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736314038326986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623573699926691,0.0,0.15726802186946104,0.05883748977843072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072665095975912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738320186475386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164771030336508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955725235835765,0.0,0.0,0.05475741043610242,0.08245788275106483,0.06178160598915103,0.06467831887769816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462176318723577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062180859411655375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051396052331564884,0.19828246658131587,0.0,0.0,0.09022111949687653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41067242271520016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171559613893667,0.13961482523718471,0.08637220782245325,0.08896278857297221,0.0,0.0,0.056320651418891386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845834939258616,0.0,0.09963752645623436
suicidewatch,Monstinn94,2018/01/27,"Need someone to talk to 23M really depressed cause Ive never had a girlfriend, I really need someone to talk to now",8.82125,5.750815291666669,9.995,66.15000000000003,62.75,12.933333333333335,40.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,4.595716666666666,93,4,17,2,1,33,16,24,0.159,0.841,0.0,-0.5563,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004734762289758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519259674648027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337634518349343,0.2255905809975955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37476024674750497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956610190453166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701936476324576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,azure-xz,2018/01/27,"I will either die, or do what I need to do. I've been going mad, waiting for weeks on a response on a job interview. I cannot stand living with my traditionalists, conservative parents. The usual distractions are no longer enough to ""pass time"". My anti-depressants are making me wake up to myself. I already have a 1/2 plan, what remains is materials and opportunity.

There is something I need to do in order to really know myself, but my parents will disown me if I were to make an attempt. I'll be homeless, and given how cheap the materials are, and ample to find opportunity... it won't take long. My only hope is this fucking 1/1,000,000 shot opportunity. This opportunity is unique, I'll be able to live close to friends in an environment where I can constantly connect to people.

I hate how every other opportunity out there would require me to live alone in some lonely apartment box. I would know no one. Which brings up my sincere resentment at how our ultra-isolationist culture is constructed. I'm ""supposed"" to get married, have a family, and buy a house. All these things I haven't the means or ability to do so, with the possible exception of marriage. If I were to choose to live alone in an apartment for some soulless for-profit, I may elect to end it after a few months into that experience.

I've been questioning certain aspects of my identity (no secret to those reading), and I know what I need to do to bring about the insight I need. I am the anti-thesis of everything my parents stand for. I'm an atheist, liberally minded individual, who may on top of that... I didn't choose to be this way, it merely happened to me. I spent over a decade trying to cling onto the old facade watching it evaporate from the inside out.

I don't know how I'm going to face these long, lonely days, of not wanting to provoke my parents. I essentially have nothing to do each and every day and hour, and sometimes I cannot drown them out by sleeping. They seem to be getting longer and increasingly more painful each week. I honestly don't know how much longer I can tolerate the pain, before I do something... rash. I am not a confrontation person, it simply is not who I am.

I hope they hire me, they're good people, and I want to do good by them. They're doing important work for the community, I can use my Comp Sci degree for something that isn't rapidly corrupting society.

Other people's pain, compels me to compassion. I deeply desire to help, but I cannot help if I cannot help myself. My essential nature is a loving nature that seems in part quashed by some corrupting influence that I intend to correct. If you're struggling too, I sincerely wish I could at least be there to comfort you, this distance from people's humanity piles on even more pain. At least the Internet and tor as enabled me to reach out.",5.936750596917733,6.556871114391147,6.933700889950077,73.74437377903193,66.63837638376384,9.697503798567398,32.730844367267196,9.701314574385464,3.1310842630779248,2232,91,405,45,34,749,260,542,0.099,0.732,0.16899999999999998,0.9917,5,7,3,0,0,0,83.0,1,1,4,11,13,29,5,2,24,0,54,10,4,12,3,85,91,26,2,17,13,4,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,26,21,0,3,14,1,3,6,16,13,0,1,7,1,61,16,74,71,16,50,0,2,1,2,24,26,1,16,14,292,87,6,0.07976459989388213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522413949075654,0.08802221945532501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787379956931278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619719559203147,0.0,0.0636855425106995,0.0,0.0,0.1028831363416918,0.0,0.0687011330083875,0.0,0.0827830614836166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064776011841763,0.08241815411194954,0.0,0.052683765952051036,0.0,0.13441023125915974,0.0,0.07168727913352937,0.0780250843229309,0.07519496591235474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729033992454409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162593201336825,0.07374108729225495,0.08334742256420137,0.0,0.0906641205912382,0.13380552397035805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053557225952346,0.0,0.0,0.07875102867908643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039358982979462,0.0,0.0,0.15844849098215,0.07855206354038824,0.0920376388773588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915405751500562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918269038588548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817344122460472,0.14117832172101616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199066562212987,0.0,0.10648697962287056,0.0,0.0,0.08688703307817293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053950756138957,0.0,0.0636673426366246,0.0,0.05863615875449625,0.2365777605109529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765362848613354,0.0,0.08369952973869148,0.0,0.05405055721216514,0.060664572549827364,0.33950063243813394,0.0,0.35427659471270473,0.08637728868155849,0.0,0.22119492106664726,0.06964737196329514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992260152898908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935460686740337,0.0,0.07978618532742413,0.0,0.051099245181332034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522939198905702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982220493398702,0.0,0.0,0.1842200578322324,0.07888922887058752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338727856047315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059973052293261164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052992055867514966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046511379648043236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415492744209671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889100405054085,0.08784943772531957,0.0,0.0940944552938672,0.06331342665924654,0.1279647014167521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172535337492377,0.0,0.0,0.05806957871454591,0.0,0.0,0.1133249664128808,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayWantToTalk,2018/01/27,Is anyone there? I wont do it. But there is so much going on in my head I desperately need someone to talk to.,-1.437733333333334,0.4050217600000003,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,91.4,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.4168666666666661,84,2,21,1,3,31,21,25,0.11,0.89,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336440607779094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27345622497680666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4938124213220206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537104317690773,0.3567765334341324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076881521145606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38674088131541307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snawl_,2018/01/27,"So does this Subreddit really work? I have debated killing myself for around 3 years now because my life is in complete and utter shambles. My family is a bunch of druggies who probably don't even know what planet they are on right now. I graduated high school but I skipped most of my classes because I got the shit beaten out of me when I came out as gay, so my marks are too low for post-secondary education. My family doesn't care about me and I have no friends due to my repugnant personality, of which I am trying to control, but I can't seem to accept the fact that I am just a shitty human being.

I have an IQ of 156, I can name every country on the planet, as well as its capital, and population. I can speak Mandarin moderately well do to self-teachings. I'm not an idiot by any means, and I am more than deserving to pursue my future in post-secondary. But I can't because I live in a society where your school grades at 18 determine your entire future (I'm almost 22). Even if I waste the time & money to go back and upgrade my school grades, I still won't reach success. Why hire someone who failed on their first time when you can instead hire someone who got it right initially?

Did I mention I'm on the autism spectrum? Yea... as if my deplorable life couldn't get any worse. I'm unsure of my exact condition because I've never seen a psychiatrist, but I suck when it comes to learning in a class setting. So assuming I DO somehow make it into a university, I will most certainly fail due to my unorthodox work ethic. I constantly talk to myself, I am super awkward in social settings, and I cannot learn in a classroom setting. I can only learn when my stomach is full and I'm 3-4 drinks in, on my computer.

I work a job I hate because I am lazy and scared of change. I am severely underpaid but my social Anxiety bars me from growing the balls to quit and seek monetary gain elsewhere. My job itself is 50 cents above minimum wage, so it's not like I'm a hot commodity or anything.

I cut myself for the first time last week. It hurt like hell and no one at my work even noticed the bandages (illustrates how little this planet cares about me). Everything I typed here I explained to a counselor and she concluded I was not a mental health patient. So there, it's settled. I am hopeless and am better off dead. My druggie family & non-existent friends won't miss me.",4.1482278949315585,5.264504930817613,5.565328030583307,80.14986403995563,70.9706498951782,8.630632630410656,30.38161302256752,9.007467420416297,2.5497742508324093,1880,78,365,36,34,634,253,477,0.187,0.705,0.108,-0.9912,3,0,3,0,0,3,57.0,0,3,2,16,29,29,8,2,21,1,35,8,2,4,4,53,58,34,2,3,12,0,1,2,2,3,3,1,0,2,16,18,2,1,10,3,4,4,14,16,2,3,6,3,65,13,49,47,5,55,1,6,1,1,20,26,3,9,24,246,81,28,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902841923346383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926633452322651,0.0,0.120920841703511,0.0,0.06801430022707246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316362634062333,0.07914688066098663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836468722195227,0.0,0.270987153447082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863181261712365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168695238284424,0.18129505911160934,0.0,0.09405276954198584,0.0765862834951399,0.09321824171427448,0.09607785490104076,0.09971776995756343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780390251978847,0.0,0.0,0.08709589450973787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761684885227108,0.0,0.07490874040295754,0.0,0.0799046877979678,0.0,0.2514433668495289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125002881776073,0.0,0.0,0.13738004614779267,0.0,0.04645070826549813,0.0,0.05052840851182355,0.0,0.1422155392070174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777814469217404,0.0,0.09450494028851043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393607784112301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517774589705094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764547442761209,0.0,0.09836341866252467,0.0,0.048861456754079394,0.07247180496319368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559655832327254,0.08687181815752525,0.08910907284649683,0.0785073046590743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059346713699825124,0.0,0.0,0.09684676745606736,0.0,0.0,0.08959825194241876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857125355751746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122223354471298,0.0,0.0,0.060246294064245386,0.06761846437165052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763094903225469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029838377000964,0.0,0.09585775369313117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456449564914522,0.0,0.0,0.05695667742279292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185372180667794,0.0,0.0,0.08901231811154987,0.2699386244110695,0.0,0.08093841310645207,0.09275032989981784,0.10044062048861488,0.09126268181474206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126081543801048,0.15066275048024355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100196386916936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146080233128822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552873458513178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603626281020117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131655462066035,0.0,0.15987775920407968,0.0,0.0802255511036061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589040406514793,0.0,0.0906047458192289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725377270624244
suicidewatch,mandutski,2018/01/27,"I’m Lost... i’m in a dual enrollment program where i take classes at high school while taking classes at community college. I’m taking english 102 and if this course is representative of rest of college i don’t think i want to finish college because the stress is making me so fucking depressed I don’t know if i can cope with it. My close friend and I are in this weird almost romantic relationship and whenever we talk about whether we should date or not it makes me want to fucking kill myself. Also, i feel like i have no friends because no one hits me up to talk or to hang out and that’s making me even more depressed because i keep sitting in my house jacking off and playing video games all day. I feel like a failure cause i’ve had all these goals when i was younger and now that i’m older and where i thought i’d be more successful i’m still the same kid who jacks off and plays video games all day. I’ve been living in a dream for my whole life and I want to kill myself so I can start over.",4.02337912087912,4.7094819423076935,4.7273626373626385,87.63192307692306,70.92307692307693,7.28901098901099,28.79945054945055,7.1686216300943375,1.3803162087912089,796,29,171,7,14,256,121,208,0.139,0.7340000000000001,0.127,-0.8226,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,2,0,0,3,10,16,4,1,5,0,13,3,0,4,3,39,38,19,2,6,6,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,8,14,0,1,5,7,0,1,5,9,0,1,5,2,25,7,21,30,8,27,0,3,0,2,11,15,2,5,12,108,33,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623200893209406,0.0,0.0,0.10879720823554206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488000435821011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975835053333016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547888068736026,0.0,0.23435517910781176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985814982308651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757949813000447,0.19438485036097888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022006045978206,0.25154760865255804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374174792365182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698065227781738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092534862902753,0.3010330014887541,0.0,0.07476819728205218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609443592650564,0.13293196048048914,0.0,0.12013251410769232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485120151255101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724384674171345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218936763959563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606419682125896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768742389045802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629518413875963,0.0,0.10864778077947868,0.0,0.15584205420857908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306872568101172,0.2186997982287301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871738020428123,0.0,0.10800658946434533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407331796196945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189227522802418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CielClaire,2018/01/27,"First I steal his coffee, and now his sleeping pills are starting to look delicious My roomie has a lot of them with high dosages because he has a fucked up sleep schedule. Plus, they'd make me sleepy (not as painful) and could be done at night so that he wouldn't even know until too late.


He wants to be a doctor, so he doesn't even mind corpses. This is a great opportunity for me. Any reasons not to go?",3.5322088353413683,4.587978385542171,3.5953614457831335,93.9242871485944,72.3734939759036,6.497188755020081,25.88152610441768,6.42735559955562,0.5908248995983936,318,10,73,2,6,97,66,83,0.086,0.794,0.12,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,6,5,1,0,4,0,11,6,2,2,0,14,18,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,8,2,11,12,1,11,0,0,1,1,8,3,1,1,7,47,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519301558458994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015272285364327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046906301152484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185348675378827,0.0,0.2184931947506355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820405342784281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161011354148704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738505099567685,0.0,0.0,0.1213417290380755,0.0,0.0,0.23539373568123395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255833191664827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733861842238286,0.0,0.2408467452282664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792932603938049,0.0,0.0,0.1815171841311428,0.0,0.0,0.14251849731976712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215582592973799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003631452007512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271879630052049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195221678642109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273251336541445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511223257790559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593277057999874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhenthePCgoesPoof,2018/01/27,"I'm lost in a dense fog... I don't even know where to begin. I feel so lost. 

I had everything going for me in high school. Straight A's, potential for college, friends. Then I lost it all to an illness that could've been found out years sooner if doctor's weren't incompetent. I went from A student, to barely passing student on home school. Sure, I got my GED at 16, but only because my school didn't have the resources to instruct a kid on home school. I thought, wow, I could be done with college years before my friends.

I was wrong. My illness got worse. Before I knew it I was unable to maintain 2 classes. I found out what was causing my illness and changed it, I got better and tried very hard.

I'm a college drop out, I dropped out because I got tired of being lead in circles by schools, I wasn't enjoying it (I felt like I was studying to pass the test and never really learning), and I didn't want to carry the burden of a student loan which would've put me in more debt than my parents ever were.

I tried work, as a cashier. Now, even though I'm told I'm good at my job I never get hours, instead my job takes on new people instead of me. I've applied for other jobs but they don't call me for interviews. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to the grammar and way my resume is done, did work-ready classes. I just don't have the experience.

I'm in school again, my last chance to have a life. I thought I could handle it, but I hate every moment of it. That feeling of just passing and not learning is eating away at me as well as constant stress and abuse at home.

I just want to be with my partner, but she lives on the other side of the country. I have no money. The little I saved is gone to make up for the hours lost. I'm $5000 in debt to pay for school. I feel like that if I finish school and get a job here (I very much doubt anyone would pay for an IT person to move across country to her state without any experience) my dad is going to quit his and guilt me to stay and take care of them. I think I have more of a chance of winning the lottery than getting a job in her state as soon as school is finished.

I can't do this anymore. I just want her and my cat. They're the only things that keep me going each day. I know she is suffering too and there's nothing I can do. I can't even help myself. She is everything to me but I know she deserves better even if she insists she doesn't. She's the only one who's put up with me despite me being a giant idiot.

I tried reaching out to my parents, but they don't take me seriously. My mother ignores me and my father tells me I need to grow up then goes on about his life is worse, how much my mother ruined his life, and more. My brother degrades me as much as my father does and mother lets him get away with it because he's disabled. I used to be their perfect kid and now I'm worthless. Even my father, although not directly stated and hinted that he's ashamed of me.

I don't want to live like this. I'm falling ill from all the pain. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I collapse. It's hurts to walk, I don't sleep well anymore, my arms are spotted from a rash that flairs when I'm stressed, my chest and head nearly always hurt.

If I fail school because of my illness, I'd rather be dead. I will not be a burden on them, no more than I already am. 

I'm tired of all the screaming. ",2.404934640522874,3.4633106232492987,3.7630252100840345,91.6337721755369,75.1204481792717,6.0171802054155,24.986928104575163,5.932078277158463,0.5255874883286649,2611,84,587,13,54,859,286,714,0.221,0.679,0.1,-0.9984,9,0,0,0,1,1,82.0,0,0,5,12,29,43,2,5,32,0,53,18,5,5,8,90,111,43,1,13,19,10,6,4,3,2,12,1,3,4,25,29,1,2,16,0,6,16,21,25,2,1,31,7,107,18,91,68,11,82,0,10,0,0,43,35,0,5,28,386,132,34,0.0,0.061337564038167376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712815935613395,0.0,0.04307578964963035,0.0,0.0,0.0352045599940084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268148005177144,0.03619794943238895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727698556657187,0.0,0.0,0.12623112266485467,0.0,0.13215431041942746,0.0,0.0,0.09157059529918177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286173404934567,0.0,0.05278174295843192,0.05318081912972701,0.054764527294013175,0.044594238247756136,0.0,0.055943682814459175,0.0,0.12399952570201808,0.0,0.0,0.033386594000677935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298756158513599,0.04530322672979451,0.1059549145929812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297240764801272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096402450506254,0.04682784443892397,0.043617447719352914,0.0,0.09305292076227392,0.10127964231209867,0.0,0.0,0.10470344531242147,0.07396728373766065,0.04970616751378251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352363674721334,0.07999289466489352,0.0,0.1081882476409808,0.0,0.0882642080784296,0.043421214230966405,0.16561695772411508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637467738072671,0.051110973384643016,0.05312972525550996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03469953615575249,0.05469658069480074,0.1557849855004461,0.0,0.10196368215791404,0.0,0.11083914462794968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568627353061064,0.0460144890741668,0.0,0.0,0.08535233768441539,0.04219848240812813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052937106595665986,0.1096975056634321,0.101166485149479,0.051885938881020485,0.09142559968660977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604704720230626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034556076743420004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502204280215379,0.11416807626823985,0.03838591007537185,0.07985458174857853,0.049998630720012566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967356089338325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507987943057489,0.1574900241935959,0.055085654370706304,0.0,0.11496625445333215,0.0,0.0,0.03588996840132061,0.04520252032811422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408388754235562,0.0,0.05506249234596284,0.0,0.0,0.03316441961769568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239279054463541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518061879357772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517865394292597,0.0,0.0,0.11860197356429225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048791482403345736,0.0,0.11677108722152002,0.0,0.04524821398703517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03439289114659338,0.03317135742943547,0.05086258426245074,0.08219729092684451,0.030186804250665982,0.11900124279376627,0.0,0.049467307979822815,0.0,0.1054428533150834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471162261025306,0.0,0.08542936519400132,0.12213832075172633,0.04109166469505015,0.0,0.0,0.09309273879201302,0.04799019729390182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990327691218988,0.0,0.07537660756740784,0.0,0.1055136621610966,0.07355014200192296,0.05660105722952762,0.0,0.06667482123759345
suicidewatch,wafflypenguin,2018/01/27,"Is it bad i think about suicide every day? I wake up and think to myself ""what would happen if i kill myself?""

I have gotten to the point of self harm again and am slowly getting deeper and longer cuts on my body. I know that i need help and should reach out but i just cant. I think about all the pain i was raised with and the lack of emotion that i was raised to have and all i feel now is pain and sadness and i just want it to end. I just want to kill myself but i can never bring myself to do it. All i think is do i think about this too much now?",0.35871396895786845,1.7741300894308942,1.9139985218034,101.25618625277164,81.4390243902439,4.4727272727272736,14.433850702143385,3.1291,-1.4814162601626018,423,4,109,0,11,137,66,123,0.261,0.695,0.044,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,3,0,3,0,14,4,2,0,4,33,28,11,3,7,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,3,1,21,0,15,23,5,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440064643909253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915769103924292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122982305078136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400717770636394,0.1527585207124222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531464310650605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720675201752626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010921899547504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525159418771153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560398363697015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816282319203505,0.0,0.09478580352157001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678636741747865,0.12788540170465176,0.13302062195245468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367043585707829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304127675558286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992534669386304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188655783240762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525637351859563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034562705716287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251877624994648,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kremsstg,2018/01/27,"I just need someone to talk to Hello, my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me twice this last year and just left me saying that she didn't want a relationship anymore. She was my everything and I thought I was hers. My whole future plans with my life are now forfeit and I'm lost. I don't eat anymore and have to take sleep aids every night. I guess I just need someone to tell me it will get better",2.3171256454388995,3.948138819277112,3.251153184165233,92.87228915662651,76.4698795180723,5.7067125645438885,23.9053356282272,6.18269132825596,0.4179962134251296,314,10,69,2,7,100,58,83,0.08800000000000001,0.875,0.037000000000000005,-0.4445,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,0,13,16,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,1,16,1,7,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,6,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824284991106363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052347368423731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972912577895473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244949973392026,0.0,0.1732838716730372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007344974621749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240032988052632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716468329001868,0.0,0.0,0.20948702870061006,0.0,0.13618636462289396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047328336712495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28593015935724336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809377413514285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700420138647527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332907941238064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929477709800603,0.0,0.32673207842493224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496801696251194,0.15497219051949235,0.1685231509496559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306843349094856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372346470226588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526383477005198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483247397827409
suicidewatch,TrulyBioniceyes,2018/01/27,Should I It seems like it would be easier. I'm pretty tired of being like this all the time. ,-1.1406666666666678,0.9285676000000008,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,98.0,4.666666666666667,6.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-1.5723333333333334,72,0,17,1,3,24,17,20,0.108,0.483,0.409,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376658899898632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556995399028715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077730080699821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611879720600445,0.5148225201288585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181922186047028,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cat_MC_KittyFace,2018/01/27,"Now I understand waifu culture I used to think it was ridiculous, having feelings for something that isn't real. I've never cried at a movie or videogame or anything of the sort, but now I get it.

It's not that you choose to live a waifu over a real person. It's that, despite not being real, she has a higher chance of not finding you digusting than any living thing.

The love that I so desperately need will never come from a real person. Those tend to despise me almost as much as I despise myself, and for good reason. So that's the next best thing.

You need this love so desperately you'll hold on to it even in dreams (trust me, it's happened to me) and you just want it to last. You just want someone to not hate you for once, you want to not be a fuck up like you are in real life, so you move towards things that can't tell you you're a pile of shit. Things you can't hurt, things you couldn't possibly fuck up.

I know because it's happening to me. I need a love that will never come. A friendship that will never come. A job that will never come.

With 7 billion people who are objectively better than me, why would I ever be chosen?",3.313379860418742,4.2917524915254255,4.474117647058822,87.71136091724827,72.81355932203391,6.739381854436692,23.628115653040886,6.794906146795322,0.6653243270189435,892,23,189,7,17,293,120,236,0.08900000000000001,0.68,0.231,0.9904,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,13,0,2,10,16,7,0,13,0,18,7,1,2,6,47,43,11,0,8,10,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,25,7,0,1,7,1,0,5,14,8,0,1,1,1,28,8,29,32,2,23,0,1,0,5,22,8,3,4,11,140,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940004742656217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071279865592815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346903068781484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442366511445839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369282888732297,0.07896004262159358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076238996779166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806881698104823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896795414542656,0.08075798962962143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045142157684380416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159941162261426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507404038052828,0.046644605820115814,0.0,0.0,0.0748830105375342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578982943021397,0.0,0.0,0.0881445539083136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557504300774253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859565654849688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049065417411159634,0.07277432146478878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306041580536716,0.043617222063374816,0.0,0.15767002986872505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417334178331963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488947474002128,0.06563035611095065,0.19859779784442025,0.3442874406241646,0.0,0.09494925616696068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507924810415362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061894834807986535,0.15591000233426425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064868651236686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.508095381816241,0.0,0.09179370732394404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164363641139936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756458283451543,0.06873135539073966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803380317216763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965650864168957,0.05720639443015053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294261384504793,0.0,0.07710841270500587,0.0,0.0,0.1579772466386765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056043379447776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342125797393383,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisismythrowaway48,2018/01/27,Christ I’m tired of being alive. The song “Help” by Pink Guy might as well be my autobiography. ,1.6642105263157916,3.985217789473687,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,81.63157894736842,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.5113368421052629,74,1,17,1,2,25,19,19,0.119,0.5760000000000001,0.305,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574804538924282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096876928689758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901387949814544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310333279949735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154187446475899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Prophet51,2018/01/27,Feeling depressed I have no license and no car Im 27 and i have planning on putting an end to my plan and I feel that i have not accomplished anything of value.,-0.4367647058823536,1.8110982647058835,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,95.76470588235294,3.896470588235295,27.388235294117646,5.6839178017228535,0.9046070588235304,127,7,27,1,5,42,25,34,0.273,0.622,0.105,-0.7356,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540116998109088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705240935692863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810227886253526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350364180762244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646816256973978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432462193395494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BreMarieNirvana,2018/01/27,"I'm lonely, useless, and sad for no reason. These thoughts continue to creep into my mind; even if I'm having a really good day. 
I live two hours away from my boyfriend, which shouldn't be much, except that he, and 1 other friend, are my only friends. I can't drive. Otherwise I would go see him. My friend lives in the dorm next to me, but she values personal time. So I'm alone in my dorm hours at a time a day. 
I wait for her and my boyfriend like a fucking dog. I wait for him to wake up (noon, sometimes around 2) and text me. I wait for her to come back from work, get out of class, etc. 
I tried to start going to the gym. I'm fat and lazy and anxious and it ruined that all over again. 
My boyfriend doesn't get off until 10, and by then I want to go to bed but stay up later for him.
I feel unattractive. I feel unwanted. I feel clingy, but lonely. I tried to express this. He said I could still watch my shows (he got us hulu) and do my homework. 
I only take 4 classes because 5 was too hard for me. 
I can't even be a full time student correctly. That's literally the only thing I have to do. My doggy died while I was at school. 
I just don't want to feel this way, anymore. For some reason, all I can think of is suicide, but I don't want to do that. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want anything. I mostly just want nothing. 
I'm 18, and I'm like this. I feel like a waste. ",0.17243194192377587,1.8014707894736863,2.1614337568058097,98.23710526315791,82.88157894736842,5.1141560798548085,18.70644283121597,5.935793293072707,-0.4498485480943737,1056,25,264,7,29,352,157,304,0.153,0.747,0.101,-0.9669,0,5,0,0,0,1,50.0,1,0,0,1,10,13,1,0,9,0,22,3,2,2,3,53,58,20,2,12,9,0,6,3,3,2,1,1,4,1,13,14,1,3,11,2,0,5,9,6,0,1,5,9,46,7,38,48,7,38,0,5,2,1,16,13,1,4,21,164,59,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030664023198716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031987693204248,0.10562393952237284,0.0,0.0,0.08764420683963793,0.09481166976427036,0.0,0.0,0.10006457284431268,0.08189545935725538,0.0,0.06492421252338491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174427796234362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503525268593892,0.0,0.0,0.13737330563632774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105349546200739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878077655412918,0.14069056095194188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26925961648311103,0.07608690389154626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468555575176039,0.09846178181145727,0.11128851006141403,0.0,0.18158704707734385,0.08933100114270252,0.08518145393751324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540719741401753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977114455880225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706428006460877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609829596922406,0.0,0.1880910171381688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753927982215487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829313184203028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132688449658159,0.0,0.0,0.1021940312706488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24300463115277854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929957042105023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822957071183454,0.2190089237862034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131025907584763,0.0,0.0,0.107788336068096,0.08487037295493388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533576769142287,0.0,0.07538450046059095,0.1135197272975616,0.08505470708078851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164987404473442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007820071953843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075692038400183,0.06824384395774513,0.0,0.08455275168786515,0.18631105735553005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461925761105687,0.0,0.10403951351402456,0.0,0.12811191412398962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769150171366844,0.08453839006674352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753661356543881,0.0,0.0,0.07565780846513052,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DiscombobulatedMany,2018/01/27,"Annihilating Loneliness It seems like many of the users posting here are much younger than me. They may be un-used to the vicissitudes of life, how rapidly and dramatically things can change; how infinitely mutable is life. They will benefit from the insights, compassion, and generosity of encouragement their posts will provoke. What they are told will be true.

I am aware of the conditions of a younger man's life. They are not the conditions of mine. I am crippled daily by annihilating loneliness; I have made mistakes in my life that I may never repair; there are foundational things missing from my life that few could live without, and I cannot for long. 

Life is a meal I don't want to finish. I am dining alone. 

I have children. Today, I am committed to remaining with the hard bread and bitter water of this life for their sake. Tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that, I will be overwhelmed by my longing for them, or I will believe that they are better off without me. 

More years have passed than remain for me--even if I don't decline what remains--and I haven't wasted them. Kind things will be said about me when I'm gone--whether it is tomorrow or thirty years from now--that are not likely to be said before that.

For a person presenting physical pain as severe as the emotional pain so many of us bear, there isn't an entire subreddit dedicated to dissuading them from permanent relief. 

""Death is the mother of beauty."" I don't recall who said that. I don't feel like Googling it. Maybe you know.

I don't know what I am saying or asking. But there's no one else to not say it to or not ask it of.",5.328866575384146,6.315860386581472,5.9436239160200826,78.99676251331205,68.1373801916933,9.28458846797505,29.281758709873728,9.48565724429506,2.5086416856838585,1283,45,247,26,21,417,159,313,0.123,0.765,0.113,-0.2892,0,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,1,10,1,9,15,1,1,14,0,41,13,0,4,3,36,55,18,1,4,14,1,2,3,0,8,9,5,0,3,19,5,4,0,5,0,0,1,16,6,0,2,5,8,36,9,40,36,3,21,0,2,0,0,26,2,0,10,19,181,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672443715991788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266794364924614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768443980723817,0.11609740057685558,0.0,0.0911356919741119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900885976045686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227373676300699,0.0,0.0,0.1329121138491804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608159605935863,0.11591272638766136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806082072543705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210308456248716,0.07361598518446469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230885306271433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073064092885984,0.11326262294954224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509490383724537,0.15102901098157762,0.0,0.09099138500044,0.18238469234939111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975044872050383,0.0,0.20894466298075795,0.10352341978410297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575056598365038,0.0,0.07947532219466764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982654368093694,0.0,0.2192961272128342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997567299015602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737890467468186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940606392051069,0.16389241258216944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380908362955227,0.0,0.11641249445832652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537727793911825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976754293773578,0.09846473812053383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479029712011421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060779119879567224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866506964638175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271631468344486
suicidewatch,maybewhimsical,2018/01/27,"I want to die but I can't bring myself to do it yet. I keep facing a ton of issues with myself, insecurity, anxiety, and subsequently paranoia when it comes to my relationship. I try to talk to my boyfriend about this but he's a very logical person and he's tried to tell me what to do to fix my problems in the past but they keep resurfacing and sending me back to a depressive state.

I feel like I'm alone. I'm a college student but no one invites me to go out. I start questioning why that is. Why don't people invite me to things like that? I've also seen friend groups form right in front of me while I remain excluded. These things lead to a spiral of insecure thoughts. 

I know my boyfriend loves me and does a lot for me but I feel like i try to depend on him to fix my problems and then can't figure it out on my own. Tonight he said I was lazy because he keeps trying to approach me in different ways, by giving me space, or giving me more attention, or trying to be in the middle, but I keep going back to my depressive state and not trying to fix my problems. I feel like I just don't know how to fix myself.

Sometimes I really just want to die, but I know it would hurt my family and my boyfriend, and I don't like pain so that part of me really doesn't want to do anything that'll hurt. I spent like 10 minutes searching what are the side effects of overdosing on certain prescription drugs so I can find the one that will hurt the least. 

I dont know what to do.",3.547725381414704,4.185522459546927,4.850836800739714,86.49223300970877,71.97734627831716,8.215811373092926,26.36477115117892,8.418075326091056,1.5249373092926488,1156,36,255,18,21,385,147,309,0.19,0.679,0.131,-0.9706,1,1,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,2,11,20,0,2,11,0,19,4,1,4,1,54,47,24,2,7,12,0,3,6,1,3,2,1,0,1,16,12,0,4,14,0,1,8,9,11,0,2,5,5,46,9,40,38,7,33,0,5,1,1,18,13,0,5,15,171,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938439519181324,0.0,0.07246025802555922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693158985872819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456376801309511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934598196577108,0.0,0.05523461385056623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805192499522155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560833869102044,0.0,0.18807638315922795,0.09466747712813127,0.0,0.0,0.07929284575083775,0.0,0.106193473948679,0.0,0.10507807010619408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541842357072045,0.0,0.13744441739641572,0.194193995992834,0.0,0.0,0.08281529702069126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700045528286279,0.0,0.0,0.17384147443282955,0.10299075425283012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909975237710405,0.0,0.0,0.09457261195544747,0.0,0.3221509855113199,0.0,0.0,0.1991860987989413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656028857488549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703282230983423,0.08177846873973837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279847019449505,0.0,0.09641472827426102,0.0,0.0,0.09812108752189087,0.08649686955727308,0.06281710893181812,0.07911658243029804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601027095774661,0.0,0.0,0.10150319991223007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609332928299032,0.0,0.0,0.0972805236605965,0.0,0.07737988294896314,0.08619023353020594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961495606886345,0.0,0.06413375859982608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728283568429589,0.07919655863751658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039364122461713,0.0,0.0,0.07193369635095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691067726062189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476219649123722,0.16033121247736082,0.07192147812656557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352167546650415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436627681616293,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GuididiBagno,2018/01/27,"Who else researches ways to kill themself, but gets too scared with the thought of actually doing it? Sometimes I'll look into the most effective ways, least painful ways, etc... but they all involve very active things like jumping from a high place or the like. I think I'd be too scared to ever go through with it, but I do think about it a fair amount.",9.114782608695652,6.687842217391308,7.745217391304347,80.49869565217392,61.60869565217392,10.93913043478261,37.492753623188406,8.841846274778883,2.9429188405797087,279,10,58,3,3,84,51,69,0.122,0.624,0.254,0.9077,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,1,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,14,9,4,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,9,7,5,9,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.1968120373928632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847900231655752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492816893855194,0.0,0.18243245053381024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537025231774884,0.0,0.11462023622274345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130875629987056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231306826166312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706277342942188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936165342621118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146033206634904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107142271120788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038367021313342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199468146596696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398821765112606,0.25845870532339543,0.0,0.16011257181165847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640834771090712,0.0,0.4802561281638129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1728748288,2018/01/27,"I will end it all tonight. I’m tired of living. I’m tired of the stress. I’m tired of always feeling inadequate. I’m tired of thinking that nothing I do is enough. I know I’ll always be a failure. At least this way, I won’t be a burden. ",-1.4703234501347708,0.4826284905660394,1.61191374663073,96.99150943396229,94.28301886792453,3.783288409703504,18.892183288409704,5.288315135182226,-0.4903778975741244,182,6,44,1,7,64,33,53,0.41,0.563,0.026,-0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,6,4,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,5,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30198307580177075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072212828859495,0.18749952038517145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917530146274372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997271772630651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023492560989389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411839488749978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786495769679186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627399783658755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8342589100604735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403667808946086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,douxp,2018/01/27,"I wish I didn't fail my suicide attempt I don't want to deal with anything anymore. No one cares about me. I am pathetic, dramatic, and stupid. 

I guess I wouldn't want to kill myself if I could stay in my apartment all day and avoid everyone. That's not an option, though. ",2.0848214285714306,3.9219078392857165,3.3172857142857133,91.2277142857143,77.75,6.622857142857143,25.485714285714288,7.554174236665415,1.2010328571428577,213,8,46,3,5,69,44,56,0.218,0.5329999999999999,0.249,0.6038,0,3,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,14,10,4,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,11,1,5,7,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920981032401424,0.0,0.0,0.21508607171472846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664851650741273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868348424845493,0.0,0.0,0.16856267934426414,0.26946203547213243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497512017205922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28792963573126146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891682982204323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771117613186709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858672109651794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858974636895296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567956911531019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083267882327569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005637634787204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,5742itsreddit,2018/01/27,Weekends aren't great On Friday I forget about work and every week get closer to fucking myself over... liquor makes it worse.. I need a distraction or something,4.3547126436781625,7.293642172413794,4.048965517241381,83.2509195402299,75.55172413793103,5.2459770114942526,23.459770114942533,6.42735559955562,0.9423011494252868,129,4,20,1,3,39,28,29,0.262,0.738,0.0,-0.7779,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,2,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218480452530361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35314908065420625,0.1995771064290832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211518599217917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25498524863363164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28324514085531044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29407912852201984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064140923391455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278097585620667,0.0,0.3892864861390151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fiiigure,2018/01/27,"I've planned to kill myself when I turn 18 - I'm 16
- I don't want to grow up
- Work? Ew.
- My friends will move away with their husbands and wives and leave me in the dust (I don't blame them, I'd leave me too)
- I'll get my driver's license tomorrow (me every day)
- I'll get a job tomorrow (also me every day)
- Afraid to leave the house. I don't want people to see my ugly face.
- Self-pity is fantastic. I do it every day.
- I have poor social skills. How on Earth could I take orders at McDonald's if I can't even speak to my teachers without stressing out?
- I don't want to live with my parents. I want to be independent.
- Well if I can't do work and I don't want to live with my parents...guess I'll go homeless.
- Ahaha my life is hopeless
- I laugh about my problems now and later realize that they actually haven't gone away and my suicide is a ticking time bomb.

I don't need your pity. I have myself. (Then why did I post this? We'll never know.)

",-0.3024232736572898,1.7022589068627454,2.098542199488492,95.8147442455243,87.38235294117645,4.920375106564365,19.163682864450127,6.280692351149826,-0.13392046035805638,723,21,171,7,23,246,114,204,0.175,0.732,0.093,-0.9065,3,0,0,0,0,3,42.0,1,1,3,4,8,9,1,2,4,0,21,2,1,2,1,25,36,11,2,10,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,4,11,6,1,0,2,2,36,3,20,30,0,24,0,2,1,0,11,7,0,2,11,99,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.12231312976744935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100233836669344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355208993189042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007327577145053,0.0,0.0,0.2425005441452613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278546167542494,0.0,0.3168114365291585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683687452313618,0.0,0.13096927927881966,0.0,0.07123324372229935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807543008531664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462478693935427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437996935957027,0.0,0.13866942540465374,0.0,0.06888323143554942,0.0,0.0,0.3981488371579892,0.0,0.0,0.08853089294936096,0.0,0.0,0.22135389304620792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332158981659446,0.0,0.09293754334049688,0.09666943727038724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917452048123216,0.0,0.0,0.0868945268521027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004045480439145,0.0,0.0,0.11993283499784288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998792379545591,0.0,0.13075628244913726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776768775902753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435758073308244,0.0,0.0,0.13710091064081115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423959605888307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730863856776799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633322581133062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696419941623956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269513252623405,0.0,0.1130992723268084,0.0,0.0,0.1208226651850337,0.0,0.1824970860115196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,We_are_Doomed_RIP,2018/01/27,"I can't handle it anymore..... I can't handle my life anymore, it's falling apart my girlfriend just left me, fights with my closest of friends, fights amongst my family,suicidal thoughts, Bipolar Disorder and 
Anxiety and Depression. I have been battling all of this for a very long time and It's become overwhelming and even when i look at maybe, a lightbulb for example I explain to myself its more important and that I have no purpose. People have tried to help me but have been of no use as they have not experienced what I have, so now im looking for help from people who don't have PhD's to recommend medication as treatment but life experiences.

Please....if you could help, PM me.",6.388492366412213,6.899199099236642,6.649685114503821,76.55330629770995,65.6412213740458,10.21412213740458,36.22232824427481,10.125756701596842,3.6884725190839696,546,26,101,12,8,176,84,131,0.127,0.752,0.121,0.51,0,0,0,0,2,1,21.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,3,1,2,0,13,4,0,1,1,15,18,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,3,17,1,14,14,2,9,0,2,2,0,11,4,0,0,4,71,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387166549051042,0.0,0.3596604957014512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002643072890528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477693821789714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617892691082622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078194420855635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976649687870378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737515246210486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009480645031486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36462424484228295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586709451871825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970151512261865,0.0,0.25615693141048296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047099824953245,0.3045424058107756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216996504439215,0.0,0.0,0.18267050467424129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514222393253417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834516174721656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395545518607508,0.10573475348196344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231109020255565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661056252317238,0.0,0.1496159181657839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MsRealLoser,2018/01/27,"All I want is a family. I want to know what its like to be held and actually feel comfortable with it. I want to know what its like to not be scared to tell people my triggers for fear of them being mad at me for being ridiculous. I want someone who will support my dreams and aspirations and fight for them with me. I want someone to be my cheerleader. I want someone to tell me everything will be okay. I want  someone who will comfort me in times of high stress and anxiety instead of shrugging their shoulders and telling me to just ""work through it"". 

I want someone to help me. Why won't someone help me?",3.8986685032139583,5.2263303636363645,4.573994490358128,86.21533516988062,71.80991735537191,7.691827364554638,30.79981634527089,8.167268648758528,2.0948945821854914,478,21,98,7,9,153,62,121,0.114,0.613,0.272,0.9218,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,2,12,3,3,1,1,11,1,1,1,1,23,24,5,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,21,6,20,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,3,70,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.11615281621039295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910550423406548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697345567579224,0.0,0.1122077089588651,0.13393804450512753,0.060183437953792995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956207553811044,0.12575816433576886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082784057808644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630079342335978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251807493055707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191664159952774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.605105238677918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634459679727806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507000352936238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31210354970265114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940538222872486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5616398984242357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740301566219093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665280060583289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bivolion13,2018/01/27,"Just hear me out. I'm just gathering opinions and thoughts from this place as I've never been able to talk about this to anyone, with detail. I'll be talking about a number of things surrounding my suicide, so feel free to comment on anything. I don't need support or anyone telling me it'll be alright. I just want to hear your thoughts about my thoughts.

I've been suicidal for a while. I'm a hundred percent sure it's because I'm gay.

I'm mostly fine with it now. I wouldn't care if anyone found out. I live in the US now where people are more accepting and I have even finally had sex, a good number of times I might add.

But the scars of the past still sting me. See, I was a young boy and I wasn't ever bullied as no one knew I was gay, but I was in an environment that pretty much equated being gay to being a monster, deserving of death and hellfire. I myself, for a few years in elementary was ""homophobic"" just because of how scared I was. Because gays are demons born of Satan; that's what I was taught, and I believed it. I spent my childhood thinking that even if I killed myself, I'd spend eternity burning. I spent it in fear of my family and my friends. I spent it alone. It built up until my senior year of college, where I was so close to killing myself that I ended up dropping out the semester before graduation. After dropping out I migrated to the states where I would live with my estranged father.

Today I don't give a fuck about what people think anymore, and living in the US I'm finally free to be me. But that pain is still there. The poison still runs through my veins. I spend most days thinking and wanting to die, because it actually hurts to exist and to think. I feel so much hatred for the world today. I blame it for how I turned out, even though the truth is that it was I who was too weak and afraid as a child. 

Millions of gay people before me survived being bullied and even abused for their sexuality. They fought past the hate and lived their lives. I wasn't even bullied, yet that hatred I felt scared me so much it broke my mind and my will to live. Even years later, as a 23 year old man somehow all those feelings are still there.

Since I moved to the US, however, I've been stalling. I keep planning to just do it, but family keeps getting in the way. Eventually I enrolled in college again(cc because US schools are crazy expensive), and somehow I'm alive. 

I don't know why I'm still alive. Because, here's the thing, I don't think suicide is that bad. I don't know if it's just a product of how I grew up, but I don't understand why my life is so important. There could be a hundred more after this. This all might not be real. This all could just be a loop repeating itself. This life could be anything. I've always wondered why life is upheld as such a precious thing when it could be one of many, and when this life could be a constant hell for those living in it, and when the owner of said life wants to make a decision with it.

That's why I want to kill myself. I dreamt of a life where I would be strong enough to face hardship; one where I had the will to live. I knew this couldn't be the only choice I had. I'm tired of living with the hatred that runs through my veins.

The world spewed hatred at me as a young boy, and it's as if my soul just took it all, and used it as fuel, and now I just feel oceans of hatred for the world, and I know it's misplaced and wrong, and that's why it hurts so much. It occupies so much of my time that I can't enjoy life anymore. I don't even know if I'll make it through college again. And even then, I can't see myself at all building a career with my current mind-state. 

I never really told anyone any of this. I'd sometimes joke around doing that newly-adult thing where you complain about everything saying ""I wanna kill myself"" to family, but I've never actually told anyone as much as I did on this forum.

Here's a fun fact about me: One of the reasons I couldn't kill myself when I arrived in the US was because I lived with my father and my uncle, who had two kids who I grew fond of. I couldn't bare to expose them to such a thing that I moved away to North Carolina to my other uncle, and I joined the Navy thinking that I could just live out my life in danger and if I died then I'd die a ""hero"" and no one would have to know the ugly truth of my escape from this world. Except I had a panic attack in boot camp and came clean to the doctor. Now if I choose to work for the government, they'll have access to that 50 page medical document containing the fact that I'm suicidal.

Last thing:

Here's even more of my messed up mind: I have a loving family. They're homophobic, but they're great. They love me so much, and they spoiled me as a child. It's probably why I ended up so soft and weak. But I'm at the point where I don't even care how my suicide would affect them. I used to keep stalling because I kept feeling guilty about how it would affect them, but now I don't even feel that at all. I feel like the hatred inside me is growing to a point where I don't even care about my family anymore. I just want to leave. The last thing holding me back I guess...     is just fear and pain (and I guess a few good movies this year, oh and KH3) Ironically enough, it was fear that lead me to this, and now fear that keeps me alive.

I've been drinking tonight, so I may pass out but I would love to hear the internet's thoughts, about my thoughts...

Sometimes to help ease the pain I think about what my purpose in life is, what I truly loved. One thing was beauty. I truly love beauty. Nature, men, fictional realms, so much beauty in this world. I wanted to protect it for some reason. I thought that was my reason to live. But now it just makes me sad too. ",3.3988622563119177,4.252417281879193,4.2983125599233,89.52059284116335,72.48993288590604,7.119143496324705,24.677053371684245,7.216428283854871,0.845416075423457,4488,125,988,43,84,1450,384,1192,0.203,0.669,0.128,-0.9991,2,2,1,0,1,8,139.0,5,2,9,6,93,62,12,8,59,1,92,34,3,16,15,196,181,89,14,31,34,2,9,1,1,14,18,5,1,7,82,52,1,8,37,2,8,11,24,33,0,8,46,16,145,31,136,98,26,126,4,4,2,12,51,52,2,20,60,688,227,12,0.03356586930275731,0.03977006639220091,0.0655108930092672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03476411766112703,0.0,0.0,0.027929492165621128,0.0,0.0,0.022825942148578443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986496879059334,0.11735018130911185,0.0,0.0552437008775068,0.029880740056999908,0.0,0.038186022058111946,0.03153623913079122,0.0258100815963578,0.028026098820504927,0.16369153903860573,0.0,0.05712416506711111,0.037817240373515866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03839041243274209,0.10266792240624677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627278022274953,0.0,0.16079769215165013,0.0,0.0,0.02164720886519395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450821890680556,0.0,0.0,0.03435608953903698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032881773256797364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945879464880854,0.06936503142438233,0.0,0.26603928128662,0.030362250466627837,0.0,0.0,0.03016683898957143,0.0,0.15821457146386173,0.1510837393309931,0.1188033844270071,0.023979463736667636,0.03222849836186702,0.0735395382688819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03680324317828638,0.02593290735957143,0.031031105297187007,0.017536781330525074,0.032199440390356084,0.0,0.056306917298540565,0.0,0.03700648940421817,0.0739531785731065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313934677308712,0.0,0.0,0.11349352259184638,0.0,0.022498494655479696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186591462884613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933954757930053,0.18567830593111045,0.0,0.09223461972738653,0.0547213269172898,0.0,0.035541409062695935,0.0,0.0,0.21337709534301927,0.0163985882637792,0.0,0.3556713305948126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147253772385896,0.0,0.06721643520851163,0.034030523101487166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03381408201397755,0.0,0.07121616591976762,0.10167587832612136,0.0,0.0,0.07135041404365347,0.1973982086075863,0.02488866677640894,0.07766420302947416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035221733446275945,0.0,0.13647061038644234,0.025528356140746132,0.10714935452364648,0.03938231545622919,0.0,0.0,0.06408484061352047,0.06981104231232653,0.0,0.035069189290274534,0.0,0.06346119187773358,0.0,0.0,0.03414855622874284,0.036189684250743384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820530777052215,0.02150315537855153,0.10353391209261772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031928828213650166,0.02669292650489766,0.06721058157060793,0.033970451730627314,0.05349530409309799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02776603394736346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639500603496534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402873291991474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357806528088524,0.03809015071122168,0.031635434582102426,0.0,0.0,0.053957948586050006,0.029338049246186982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839737665077635,0.15055357603165154,0.032978296166732084,0.15988530529442901,0.039145056640016766,0.03857902902467389,0.06363303868986518,0.06414725310502507,0.03729291584386439,0.0,0.03651002711939104,0.0327889769972265,0.0349432537081303,0.2018780395736809,0.05798026796780902,0.0,0.0,0.1187881162587138,0.026643024689916087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172785725247556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364007534347183,0.02443635261998129,0.0,0.0,0.1430653830050442,0.036699008824125655,0.0,0.10807659665361094
suicidewatch,million_tiny_stars,2018/01/27,"Tomorrow will be 2 years since I first met the man who later assaulted me for 9+ hours I don't know what to say. I just realized it just now. All day I've been in a stupor. I've been passed around all week to different therapists and tried different hotlines and crisis call centers because of how bad people saw me coping. I've tried reaching out to people and I had to see him last week in court to deliver my victim statement at his sentencing. I have no energy anymore. My bodyaches came back out of nowhere, I lost my appetite from the nausea. 

I don't feel human anymore. I feel like a ghost with a body. All week, women with pitying faces crooned out little understanding whimpers and asked me constantly if I had any suicidal thoughts. It's such a loaded question. 

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was young. I can't even count how many times I've tried. I've blacked out before. I've been on suicide watch. I've contorted my body trying to get out of nooses in my closet. I've been in a mental hospital.

But that was before this. Before my safety was stolen, before my peace was interrupted, before my dignity was taken. This is a hell I've never known. This is a much different kind of suffering than what I thought was bad before. I'm old enough and experienced enough to have learned how to deal with depression. I stay busy. I knit until my hands ache, I workout out until I've exhausted my energy, I drive when I can't sit still. But the post-traumatic stress is a constant force within me that will never fade with distraction or even a peaceful night's sleep, because I get nightmares of him every night. 

I'm tired of people telling me to be strong, and to not let myself be a victim. I'm tired of my family not understanding how badly this still hurts. I'm so tired.",3.323305084745762,5.227813138418082,4.5120000000000005,83.73088135593221,74.3954802259887,7.8838418079096035,25.92429378531073,8.648137234880735,1.9201351412429388,1417,50,275,28,30,465,183,354,0.208,0.71,0.08199999999999999,-0.9935,3,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,3,16,18,4,2,13,0,28,9,5,4,5,48,49,18,4,1,8,0,3,1,0,2,4,1,1,3,11,18,0,0,13,1,0,3,9,15,0,1,21,9,38,3,40,22,6,48,1,5,4,0,14,16,1,3,28,167,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412096021345435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785512721892658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084808737562573,0.07440182449956673,0.0,0.0,0.06119644000190744,0.199352040235152,0.09702932757300473,0.0,0.4063290765436983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768033961077482,0.0,0.0,0.08126583049996235,0.09102476341726534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172007594033884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132614996128259,0.08204929403897578,0.06854698992821423,0.0,0.0,0.2494501457082573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446646896271944,0.0,0.1051311213063908,0.0,0.06705432912762684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750262527754427,0.0,0.08048177564113265,0.05685599281662002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769549960626989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316041795633004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783758181642515,0.0,0.0851980672038441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287619082189975,0.0437381830907677,0.06487291384602302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138170283528719,0.0,0.03888152073653117,0.07976571314327913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687712081962523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068734139560271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020360031003501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850459821503842,0.0,0.12276269444675353,0.0,0.0,0.1493714524213428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351173511641935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552397350575532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622103785078649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915412408455707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328969047361742,0.0,0.0,0.06341944629456417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166811768549652,0.0,0.07964310977214674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482769661615758,0.12711438020130367,0.0,0.09116507483125304,0.0,0.0,0.261161298906082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956135197653324,0.0,0.0,0.09240505511192093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954631073343656,0.04640702318391937,0.2744159362177445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613368533432306,0.0,0.0,0.16570290342071506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151638513975047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051250538965025016
suicidewatch,pc33415,2018/01/27,"Am I Invisible? Are 3 suicide attempts not enough?? I'm literally SCREAMING for someone to help or notice me My entire life, I've been the responsible child, the go to friend to lean on, the one everyone ALWAYS counts on for advice and to be there for them. I'm proud of this. I'm very mindful of my friendships and how I'm perceived. But for the past couple of years, it's too much. Everything's too much. I'm 22 and I started getting depressed when I was 16. I made a suicide attempt when I was 17. 33 pills all thrown up and flushed down the toilet. Got to college. Everyone called me ""Mom"" freshman year because they could always count on me to help them out or take care of them during nights we went out. But I was dying on the inside. I was stressed and overwhelmed and everything from my freshman year roommate to my classes to being the first child in my family to go to college weighed down on me. Finished that year with a horrible GPA and super low self esteem.

Flash forward to junior year. 2nd suicide attempt. Decided to actually get help that year. Built up months of courage to tell my best friend that I'm pretty sure I had depression. She didn't get it and everytime I talked to her about it, she asked me if maybe I was just overreacting. Made me feel super shitty. Went to a doctor's appointment over Thanksgiving break and got prescribed meds and was diagnosed with recurring extreme depression. Parents found out about the diagnosis and even though I knew they didn't believe in mental health issues, a small part of me hoped they'd support me. But instead they asked, ""What do you have to be depressed about?"" We had a fight and they made me ""take it back."" They told me never to bring it up again. Ever since then, I haven't told anyone else about my depression because I'm too embarrassed. Too ashamed. Went back to college after Thanksgiving break. 3rd suicide attempt.

I'm a senior now. Last leg of college. I don't know what's going to happen after college and that terrifies me. But no matter how many times I try to ask for help, to vent, to ask for advice, everyone laughs off my worries. I feel like everything about me is invisible. Like no one sees me, the real, fucked up me.

I've been considering a 4th attempt now. Idk if these past attempts have been a cry for help, attention, or a way to end everything. Probably all three. I'm just tired. I'm really tired of not mattering. I'm tired of not being seen. I just want it all to end.  ",2.5140312473537167,4.942542840248965,3.620600389533408,86.62498814463548,79.10373443983403,6.673283089169277,25.60436954864933,7.817275551320576,1.5819012109408073,1947,76,377,33,49,628,227,482,0.16399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.128,-0.9758,1,0,0,0,1,4,65.0,2,1,9,11,26,27,2,4,18,0,27,11,1,5,6,61,75,28,5,5,15,2,2,2,2,0,8,1,0,3,14,20,1,0,8,0,0,8,10,13,0,4,26,5,53,14,68,43,8,62,0,7,2,1,37,21,1,6,34,241,67,10,0.0,0.0,0.06560230340203986,0.0,0.0,0.13138378647842222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111873853934782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047005570187759256,0.0688803775316072,0.0,0.0,0.25138673673806394,0.0,0.0,0.10338438240957264,0.0,0.08195997272421844,0.0,0.0,0.07574001705213547,0.07054892098786461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864466051438407,0.0,0.06854078648568072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367402021415549,0.07438363822481138,0.07384395692534639,0.0,0.0,0.28950573838701793,0.06823237671526998,0.06976936272019378,0.0,0.0,0.06880805637403607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615820441298156,0.0,0.1190835205350944,0.06946181967555598,0.0,0.04440174970941243,0.06080923265078007,0.0,0.19271028224304634,0.2416714574529641,0.0,0.06337413424254633,0.0,0.06798237503378418,0.048025846793098965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057181899947803635,0.0,0.07370919290687909,0.10387637100040363,0.06214880888034102,0.10536750729784043,0.0,0.11461725022979555,0.0,0.10753260409301406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944720861314218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145746790781693,0.0,0.0,0.2252988785039401,0.0,0.0,0.06677000126401955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016586299758397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036945327591073024,0.0547976821271912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748329562623211,0.06568587990356914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908309269684428,0.0,0.068156014942983,0.0675369606966587,0.0,0.07467227633643744,0.0,0.06774740233924334,0.0,0.06787850093546566,0.0787335884519305,0.05365868140458459,0.0,0.09883682374977053,0.0,0.05184838100025547,0.0,0.0,0.06308649391092053,0.0,0.0,0.0765365755800414,0.0,0.0,0.09110735611319376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464586292413695,0.0727985686540867,0.12834852233825667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839241059170731,0.07248036279723577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651723482308674,0.0430663194606549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356994857638951,0.0,0.07013076461423295,0.0,0.0,0.05560955436918267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695987228010725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047582491657896055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700648075654236,0.0,0.0,0.29413475245559506,0.07628659933649531,0.06335915394763086,0.0,0.1010902849905784,0.05403323861869786,0.05875797197880006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604862463121189,0.0,0.039199677556298065,0.2317971608179488,0.0,0.12847352149536426,0.0,0.04564164103234074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055468004192099976,0.03965128894548146,0.05336040188029991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869558874960316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827066770345391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25974576228086305
suicidewatch,indiantech,2018/01/27,I might fail college I been trying my best and been putting as much effort as I can but everytime I do something It would be like taking 100 steps back . I watch other classmates percead onto the next task but I happen to not even finish the first task. I just want to make my parents proud but it seems as if I fail they will be disappointed. I sometimes want to die because I feel as if this would separate me from all this stress.,4.335172413793103,5.272590965517246,4.57764367816092,88.06922413793106,70.3793103448276,7.179310344827586,27.143678160919546,7.1686216300943375,1.1879057471264365,342,11,71,3,6,107,60,87,0.207,0.665,0.128,-0.8995,1,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,6,3,7,0,1,2,0,10,0,0,1,1,17,17,10,1,6,7,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,2,14,3,9,9,3,7,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,4,5,54,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754330808160389,0.0,0.13907797467557165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394290949694237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23678342827614485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069076321964134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153593726189714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940640673369024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175207724511485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146244731572222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229173486695333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24203083869704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771632314639234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263985560106535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533333062062292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293535218598057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076989706912122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756408298549434,0.22564594412512745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613447765911374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715402241917968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489870932501454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691372764785669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241420838468439,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydjfjksl843,2018/01/27,"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't overdose myself tonight update: i won't do it, thanks guys",0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,95.5,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.079333333333333,77,2,16,0,3,24,18,20,0.131,0.71,0.158,0.1265,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157830034635681,0.0,0.3635382930004864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291612147060167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456354976808296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990416662952287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911007633746708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fyrenang,2018/01/27,"Just a question I am really sorry if this is not the right subreddit to post this him but I have a pretty important question. My 13 year old son informed me about an hour ago that one of the girls in his class has been saying that she was going to commit suicide because of teasing she was receiving from other girls. He told me that him and a lot of the other boys spent the whole day trying to talk her out of it and at the end of the day she said she was going to tell her mom but I'm concerned but that's not enough. He won't tell me which student it is but I'm really struggling with how exactly is the best way to deal with this. Do I completely freak out and try to get ahold of the principle on a Friday night, do I encourage him to reach out to his friend all weekend and revisit on Monday... I'm just not really sure how aggressive to be. Thoughts?",3.7063333333333333,4.243486077777779,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,71.55555555555556,8.666666666666668,26.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.6936111111111107,674,20,147,12,12,225,106,180,0.112,0.763,0.125,0.544,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,13,0,14,0,0,2,4,30,24,11,1,1,10,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,12,9,0,0,4,1,1,3,4,4,0,1,8,2,19,4,26,14,5,23,0,0,0,0,32,8,0,4,10,106,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136219460863196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367599671189417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612675131731483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112039986464094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982092785870228,0.15842734543997253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361062858771548,0.15878251237159902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872530291120957,0.0,0.08028639622567346,0.0,0.17466876083980645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133430413855814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306450051217292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799768137492142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420917918187795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125114374897073,0.0,0.10413098135606162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717368180698254,0.15633795416855134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442918401475283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953354130873886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123360797460376,0.14617565815914893,0.12220480106373245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202133463985894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064957693274293,0.0,0.16809038112174945,0.0,0.1448324517344027,0.0,0.0,0.1235143769559228,0.2686292543509936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199706367237292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468385698182279,0.0,0.20866411118302508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197634198595304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156741699034986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895864352884984
suicidewatch,Lighthousee,2018/01/27,"I couldn’t do it. This makes two failures. I failed to OD on Sunday. I cut my neck a lot today. All enough to bleed, but I couldn’t get past the mental barrier of the pain and thoughts of someone enough to make it fatal. The bleeding has all stopped and I’ve stopped trying but I still want to die. I’ve had a history of cutting my arms but I can at least hide those behind sleeves. Now I’m going to have a shit ton of marks alongside the left side of my neck and I can’t hide that at all. To make things worse I sent out my personal OneNote to a person I trust so whenever they see it that’s going to be a whole thing that I have to deal with too. I’m so fucking pathetic. ",-0.04686224489795876,1.9382806530612269,1.7999277210884372,98.52193239795919,86.00680272108843,5.035544217687075,20.0718537414966,6.322622252153567,-0.0940880952380958,524,16,127,5,16,172,88,147,0.29600000000000004,0.667,0.037000000000000005,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,4,0,9,0,10,8,4,3,3,22,23,8,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,10,5,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,3,1,15,1,20,17,9,16,0,1,1,1,5,6,2,1,7,85,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671696338192505,0.0,0.0,0.17789730303047924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542262649991012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158466482354286,0.08955504557926729,0.0,0.19483336621953093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862382885326141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457272955120975,0.0,0.0,0.34325403307026864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274172636213378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239313032606005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636309626583018,0.0,0.2993385219966264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659218034483842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595067835975325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452357777758342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688885160108252,0.2866141354827018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277553801930145,0.0,0.0,0.13608099393334658,0.0,0.0,0.16247735467565208,0.0,0.0,0.11637665199984107,0.0,0.16744340219222228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110250531271896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913739882569882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468220495500672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImmiSnow,2018/01/27,"Just need to get this out of my head. I'm suicidal, again. I've lost track of how many times it's been now, since I first had these thoughts 10 years ago. A week ago I was doing well enough to discharge from my treatment program, and yet here I am. Still having nightmares about my last ER trip, still experiencing panic attacks over the loss of my job, my home, my second family. 

God, I wish I'd never existed in the first place. ",3.9562068965517234,4.799499505747129,4.57764367816092,88.06922413793106,71.183908045977,7.639080459770115,24.84482758620689,7.793537801064563,1.036986206896552,335,9,73,4,6,107,69,87,0.166,0.759,0.075,-0.8555,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,10,5,1,1,3,0,6,1,1,1,1,8,12,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,3,5,1,10,1,10,7,1,19,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,14,47,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368965144508672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618415609643268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634960612370292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914138090646053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232752491828921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992817284507348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950234362972206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906134657494699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885733572127032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489809153318512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743788763363635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926584525358364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090327123456653,0.1465612221951967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295678295769986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853869775088348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719303277835225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035130339040983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785966687060706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086091687640615,0.11080678974875524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242890957487248,0.0,0.17085789288600836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852269321950885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237172966474028
suicidewatch,baby_kicked,2018/01/27,"Feeling Depressed over the Success of others Hey everyone. Just your average Joe here. I'm in med school and throughout my life I have always been melancholic. I suffer from High functioning depression and always try to push myself to do my best and get sad over my own shortcomings. I absolutely have no skills or talents except stupid humor that I use to keep myself from falling over into the existential dread. 

It's hard not feeling depressed when all the other students who are in your college are somewhere or the other involved in some extracurricular activities and keeping themselves busy. And I think I don't have any skills except sit in my room all day and study. I am absolutely good at nothing. I have tried picking up on a hobby, but I am never able to get through it. In my spare time, I write a blog or end up going to the wards at my hospital to look at patients. 

And it sucks even more when you see your friends interacting with others and being social. All I want is for people to like me. And it also doesn't help that my girlfriend left me because her friends thought I wasn't good enough for her. I need someone to talk to. Any help guys?",5.117987668161437,6.518592399103142,5.455490470852016,80.773639293722,68.95515695067265,7.727466367713005,30.529428251121068,8.07648339933343,2.155753587443946,927,37,170,12,16,295,137,223,0.121,0.748,0.131,0.7498,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,4,7,18,2,1,7,0,15,1,0,2,4,35,31,16,0,2,8,0,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,11,11,0,2,4,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,3,5,30,9,33,27,8,28,0,6,2,0,19,18,1,4,7,126,41,4,0.14388120999717893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150617516518946,0.23944138560214145,0.0,0.0,0.1956883133900117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770865015717144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099445312680349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927914774526608,0.0,0.3717740260181038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743604585181412,0.14866775179888791,0.0,0.09503218222712702,0.0,0.0,0.13748466204610002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455013258424351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232453186209453,0.0,0.15034398749116346,0.0,0.08177100738518235,0.2413614650957243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246501886881874,0.0,0.0,0.12888930300769053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928810843507376,0.1520183979886114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25577646077551697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563273556526736,0.0,0.10162755369390478,0.07029309148398159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082397898891654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159819588609915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668609410071614,0.11097005914506314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805790148998576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974911467819167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456154659683404,0.11465469600469574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666877420409388,0.12191008231843535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564626647236426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921932696975652,0.0,0.11422560905064495,0.08389829061139567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953717939548252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242671690687265,0.0,0.0,0.08486486548994435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CombatEagle682,2018/01/27,"Destined for mediocrity I honestly have no idea what I'm doing about anything. I've never had friends, I didnt talk to anyone till my senior year and even then I got shut out of that somehow. Ive had suicide in my head since I can remember even as a child it was just kind of there all the time. Idk im not good at or like doing any particular thing, like I've been waiting to find it, searching rather, for something I was good at and honestly haven't found anything, at all. Idk like always end on the conclusion that I should just end it, I don't have any purpose or goals, I don't think I have a good personality, I'm not sure if I even have one. I don't like attention, but I constantly feel like everyone is judging me because of how I look, no matter how. I don't think I've honestly felt joy, idk if I'm even capable of it. It just seems like if there's no meaning then why be here. If there's nothing after this it seems better than just slowly going downhill. I don't have any friends or even people I talk to, so i guess I just saw the internet as my last resort.",3.5639473684210543,3.9668510087719326,4.984491228070175,86.3991052631579,71.80701754385964,8.185263157894736,27.919298245614037,8.238735603445708,1.6382382456140352,842,29,188,12,15,283,120,228,0.119,0.726,0.155,0.9232,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,4,20,18,0,0,5,0,24,1,1,2,4,43,41,18,1,6,16,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,1,13,0,0,1,13,0,0,1,10,4,23,18,21,29,2,20,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,11,18,123,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732522342898713,0.0,0.0,0.23862301968262006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178546568347503,0.0,0.19250638354125296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130149160918682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344707223602458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263988768086193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719461849494966,0.0,0.0,0.3862752608510062,0.0,0.0,0.11176618793819572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591416100070472,0.08356065523995429,0.11230586597311648,0.0,0.1069049603860424,0.0,0.0,0.12824736819407934,0.1807355456351803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647456991415816,0.2943170219949515,0.09354853123549722,0.0,0.1288514231700014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004103519104214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204056879205242,0.1263435351273095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180226684644352,0.0,0.09534303984072164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34286257492146194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822212414202118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741044896975376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021152106233546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223219473826657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925930392019936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108961488411832,0.10213034807418324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249986945116699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296321650530006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675562454337568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004627213867919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794200563457325,0.0,0.1102392310149529,0.0,0.0,0.18802595373972594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770712603151914,0.14989439773579644,0.0,0.0,0.06820391436117006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554377552759513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532237861241672
suicidewatch,Jwidmann,2018/01/27,"I lost my dad late September last year and then my childhood friend a week later to a double murder suicide... how do I grieve accordingly? Maybe it's the wrong thread to post this in. Working 40-60 hours a week before, during, after and currently. Anything to keep the hands and mind busy. Not even looking for advice. Share similar experiences maybe?",3.674084821428572,6.595562703125001,4.200714285714287,81.23000000000002,78.21875,6.7821428571428575,24.767857142857146,7.957251820313856,1.7905607142857145,279,10,47,5,7,88,53,64,0.188,0.7340000000000001,0.078,-0.8253,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,4,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,4,2,6,3,1,13,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,11,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091757028604388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761520868162353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821482037656859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413837651151119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939050190603528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653812353639975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080471944639384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026522492049888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448642608516446,0.2414675588614276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975541195944425,0.0,0.2336703783086621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301015095223054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161382849872556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500908158145106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414549553526895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434099852428479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558372969157728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23403960581103345,0.0,0.13784679689540247
suicidewatch,The_Science_Man,2018/01/27,"I Keep Losing Hello this is the first time I have been on this sub. I have been fighting with anxiety since I could remember and the only thing that seems to help is talking to someone. I recently moved and I dont have many viable contacts to speak with about my issues. I just started a new job here and my insurance isnt in yet so I can not go to therapy. I just need someone to talk to for a bit. I know it is a lot to ask for but once a day would be great. Currently my anxiety has taken a huge turn for the worse. My new job is with a pharmaceutical company and while i enjoy it I have made some mistakes this week. Once I made the first one I became distraught and focused on it to where it was much easier to focus on my mistake than my actual work. Naturally this lead to more mistakes which increased my anxiety and created this vicious cycle. I also just started a relationship when I moved and at first everything was great. There were moments where I would get anxious with her and think that she was going to do to me what others have done to me in the past. Any moment we were not in contact or seeing each other my brain immediately went into ""what is she doing? Insert worse case scenario here"" mode and it made me super clingy and super emotional. As it turns out these things are not good for a new relationship and she started to pull away for her space, which in turn freaked me out and made me hold on for dear life. This last weekend and week I have had a rough one. I upset her in a way where she isnt sure if we should be together and needs time to think so I can not even talk to her (not because she blocked me but because I told her I would give her space and I refuse to go back on my word no matter how hard it is for me) and my work has been hard because I keep screwing up. I have not stopped thinking of all the things going wrong and how they will just get worse and worse for the last three days. I had what may have been my first panic attack a few nights ago and have been crying as well. I feel like everything is going wrong and if I try to fix it, I will only make it worse. The less I do the more I panic and the more I do the worse I make it. I feel slightly better having a place to write this but all i really want is someone to talk to. Someone to tell me to keep fighting this because I dont know how much longer I can feel this way and not lose my mind. I want to believe everything will be ok but every time I do it gets worse. I just want some help. Thank you for reading.",3.2625134622288314,4.0569905085389015,4.406990102056519,88.83541361095442,72.75711574952561,7.443027847581928,24.6796758808144,7.63319966405982,0.9806068926611626,1966,55,439,23,37,645,221,527,0.187,0.6809999999999999,0.132,-0.9867,3,0,0,0,4,0,32.0,2,1,1,12,23,30,5,4,23,1,58,3,1,10,3,102,102,39,0,15,19,0,6,1,0,8,1,1,0,0,33,32,0,7,10,2,0,11,12,17,1,7,20,8,75,13,58,70,15,68,0,2,1,1,35,23,1,8,33,327,108,6,0.0,0.0,0.0572232799739573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198000332724822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689364837200165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039876582908209925,0.0,0.13457619929236664,0.06624546560942449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481962092833479,0.06671041504544717,0.0550933427468819,0.04508983033188502,0.0,0.14298334731063794,0.0,0.0,0.06606615890368084,0.0,0.05186149799945555,0.0640186842604645,0.0,0.0,0.06546060259355407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681853116070555,0.0,0.06441227216714691,0.07563470663558156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000813441523493,0.13744912211033314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659610685720447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038730557056572495,0.0,0.04940595111886952,0.0,0.15810306293812926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894903710953769,0.04189176804030372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951347440365866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190949185596478,0.05625194552611109,0.1666296928516276,0.04918367534066512,0.0,0.12929957793317207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505818949185956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860907397375733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061203961060919576,0.1163804707368227,0.15636331675702414,0.0,0.0,0.06445300591100292,0.09559734776601382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141851396671499,0.028648090853017182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312042548429599,0.0,0.04985284597283726,0.0,0.22194284845320336,0.07828407794194707,0.059450819906275765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920875124518716,0.0,0.0,0.12464811671854906,0.08621293680053815,0.08696026457300825,0.0,0.1699019567530071,0.0,0.0550288010699287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489740561499672,0.07947071179196137,0.08919532026590815,0.0,0.13760064379251954,0.0,0.0,0.05597763376535191,0.0,0.0,0.061265354356662666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865494516778681,0.0,0.037565694009889176,0.0,0.05789901387244821,0.12591284641506742,0.06642664278396879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672775202405338,0.053382813007737576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850685012373808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873879725168775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245151206953021,0.0,0.0,0.04902489372236682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055266635731354624,0.0,0.0,0.18852747425214628,0.051253137571085114,0.053986983325677605,0.06705889453929577,0.0,0.1168715906825922,0.112720657631103,0.0,0.0,0.10257875138679104,0.0,0.0,0.05603215061455337,0.0,0.03981208384191096,0.1913474301210467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037605399958416,0.09308993916284758,0.09407346038928774,0.0,0.052723572134175715,0.054359011488776594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537989230693137,0.0,0.4183076011292772,0.12496655273987775,0.12822524989318032,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,malevolentvortex,2018/01/27,"I need help Today, a single word sent a thousand repressed memories of my abuser back to mind. The memories hadn’t resurfaced since I escaped from being a slave to him for two years. I am now 19. I was 16 when he began to sexually assault me weekly in my own house. He has been present in my mind for a few weeks now and I don’t feel much of a reason to continue living like this anymore. I hate him and I hate myself. I just want it to end.",1.5813829787234042,3.073779000000002,3.80526595744681,88.70875000000002,78.14893617021276,6.402127659574468,23.45212765957447,7.1686216300943375,0.821727659574468,342,11,75,4,8,118,66,94,0.181,0.7509999999999999,0.069,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,1,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,14,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,5,1,15,1,12,8,4,15,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,13,55,17,0,0.0,0.24805204539676354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762441051098732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609814645189887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542684193702294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585643633350547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133904464282679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032658539223133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241568150041316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228052727735668,0.0,0.18486475098503788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227787692982544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390038867388922,0.1552344580017447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525233248909745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318104137110854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984445442732253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450991281785874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348330406852945,0.0,0.3358647241377522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481808451145302
suicidewatch,Stornyboy1980,2018/01/27,I'm on the verge of killing myself I'm on the brink of killing myself but I know I don't want to die. I just want this pain to end.,-2.5640624999999986,-0.9409342812499979,0.06750000000000256,108.8275,94.9375,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.7923999999999998,101,2,30,0,4,34,20,32,0.35600000000000004,0.532,0.112,-0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352503368396133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861054538475977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7147615595216302,0.0,0.1775268260544417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34372279589065324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810586038576497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwannadiecuzisuck,2018/01/27,"I want to die I'm so done with everything now. I'm a failure, a horrible excuse of a human being. 
I just want to vanish. 
But I can't. I know I can't for the same fact many of us can't. I don't want to hurt the people that are close to me. I don't want to let them suffer from my selfish decisions. 
Why can't I just cease existence? 

Normally if I get these thoughts I'd cut, but my boyfriend will break down or even break up with me if he ever sees the cuts. At the same time he demands me to call him, but exams are coming up and he needs sleep.
I know I won't get through my exams. Why am I even alive when I can't get out of my bed.
If I can't kill myself can't I at least cut? 

I threw up three times now. I smashed my head against the wall so much I lost consciousness for a few minutes. 
Can't I just die already? 
This is too much. It's all too much. 

I don't want this anymore. ",-0.611268656716419,0.971703333333334,1.831987562189056,99.82827985074628,85.31840796019901,5.214029850746269,18.507711442786068,6.2581,-0.4158837810945273,674,17,178,6,20,230,104,201,0.147,0.759,0.094,-0.9155,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,1,1,13,8,4,0,9,0,20,2,2,0,3,33,38,11,3,10,10,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,12,8,0,1,4,1,32,0,23,30,8,19,0,3,1,0,9,9,0,4,6,119,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105511508908785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473928246281126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902725305838155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571961453421854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30293795310257504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935349883800175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279200277472294,0.1320165739713268,0.0,0.0,0.1311669151575304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22875239030304095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978277109078633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623828419840186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146770040493355,0.0,0.16041628417947892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923974256021375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593173734854759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796640569342465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218614579940399,0.10821716006021803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299615924222736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118062714719303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163001204025944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605146838898878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158648755660702,0.17020465170092208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755551497993112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304138608516427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633872516135517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sourcedeadrip,2018/01/27,"Advice?? My best irl friend killed himself late June last year and I have been coping with it but I don't have anyone to talk to?I have a really good internet friend but she's in a different time zone and I feel like I'm always a burden to her.I have depression and anxiety but I don't have a therapist and I don't take any medications.I want to talk to my mom about it but I don't know how to bring it up and every time I almost do,I phsych myself out.My panic/anxiety attacks have been getting worse and its getting harder to hide my self harm scars.I feel like I'm stuck and I can't do anything.Im in a very bad place and I don't know what to do..Advice??",-0.07268103448275554,1.9396535034482767,2.42989224137931,93.78276939655173,86.3793103448276,5.831896551724138,17.338362068965516,7.1686216300943375,0.05245689655172425,518,12,121,8,16,178,77,145,0.239,0.624,0.13699999999999998,-0.9578,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,12,2,0,5,0,15,0,0,1,0,20,27,13,1,1,4,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,2,15,6,12,24,1,11,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,8,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020755871352344,0.0,0.0,0.1547731520374914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860932470530115,0.0,0.0,0.10510857082838257,0.0,0.2364815127664647,0.0,0.0,0.1080744861575888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583844636175086,0.0,0.0,0.12905417764329824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622049972860729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312543084095196,0.0,0.0,0.1614860995623937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022652729484888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630403418576114,0.22084058096582268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388309592871857,0.0,0.16150623799737854,0.0,0.0,0.12964064235504325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669552471714565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100175969270695,0.0,0.16988826130094614,0.12598999043873502,0.17435451063320612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102396779852206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102305920972134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134712103327427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614860995623937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990174212932086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124357856413746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621261652864735,0.2484647872930962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946029120372878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802545950413044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753118465115998,0.09116563550132034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751354703068535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953391225048792
suicidewatch,BlasterChief95,2018/01/27,"The End I'm sitting in a back room at my work, box cutter in hand and I have the intense desire to slice my wrists open and bleed out before someone notices, I was fine when I woke up this morning but now, now I'm back to my usual state of wanting to hurt myself. Does this ever end or do I just have to keep going through life with the desire to kill myself constantly creeping up on me?",6.281463414634148,4.5543860487804935,6.795243902439027,82.85676829268293,66.5609756097561,8.68780487804878,31.47560975609756,5.985473137389443,1.6200390243902438,304,9,65,1,4,100,58,82,0.125,0.762,0.113,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,4,0,4,4,2,0,1,13,10,5,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,10,1,15,8,0,22,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,1,10,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722699424923175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598161967314366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158897942935905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211834906979718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287999242067103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896391905913049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375725428967137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591382732185325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516072289691374,0.2678118316402365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097943925509598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755954615743078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051030134714225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26660316034845355,0.0,0.14277768761052145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622802838883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_dgvwbakdkf,2018/01/27,"No one gives a shit about me Some hobbies are more valued than others. Unfortunately mine isn't one of them. 

People have been trying to change my hobbies forever.

Classmates used to mock me because I could code and they can't.

Parents restrict my usage to the computer when I've barely used it at all. They sign me up for programmes that are clearly trying to change my interest.

I've gotten into trouble because I know my way around computers well.

No one values my skills, hobbies or who I am.

Please just kill me already.

**Edit** holy shit you guys are amazing!!! Thanks for the support!",1.8546959459459489,4.672114351351354,2.8489583333333366,86.99343750000001,90.17117117117115,4.5768018018018015,24.054617117117118,6.322622252153567,0.990445495495496,467,19,81,5,16,148,80,111,0.175,0.616,0.208,0.5492,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,3,1,5,10,4,0,3,0,9,2,2,2,2,14,16,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,3,2,0,17,5,13,13,3,6,0,0,0,0,8,4,2,2,1,59,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959849150284323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810076498924525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652540645665705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757523907388768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179835176541866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703691457517409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585093409343774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648698227431435,0.0,0.09760376690520324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610370402387562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972026743388693,0.0,0.0,0.12312478621369582,0.0,0.0,0.1949503722589017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646056468525626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015372428698951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350929989861002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24115612895893998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306777031040924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409698212650629,0.0,0.0,0.1596828316153139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3990175,2018/01/27,No hope [24M] I seriously have no more hope. Is it even possible to feel this empty?,-1.6833333333333336,0.17411955555555814,2.483333333333338,87.94500000000002,103.44444444444444,6.844444444444445,17.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9943111111111111,64,2,15,2,3,24,16,18,0.339,0.418,0.243,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717167431840189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080092525518048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8171987547601668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637761933785974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaykay814,2018/01/27,"Suicide crosses my mind a lot. I don’t know how to get through this. Therapy doesn’t help. Talking about my problems doesn’t solve anything. I have no friends. I don’t know how to make any. My hobbies take up so much energy. I don’t know where I’m going with my life. I’m losing interest in my major. I’m going to be in a shit ton of debt after graduating. 

I frequently think that my life is not worth living. ",-0.1513166144200646,2.085313701149428,2.414085684430514,91.84175548589342,90.14942528735632,5.462486938349008,21.70219435736677,6.980632752743323,0.7174,320,12,70,5,11,110,57,87,0.213,0.647,0.14,-0.7775,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,8,3,1,3,0,12,20,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,3,7,3,0,0,0,0,11,2,11,19,4,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471449792917186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872212193779065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577354379782706,0.0,0.11886450518384555,0.0,0.25859817857486483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249505506178976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751003868298001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213938670764787,0.0,0.0,0.20089536349544845,0.0,0.0,0.25452532456110205,0.0,0.1934207364954504,0.0,0.0,0.1518645898335349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297200901842163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672459155138457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176961981590416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335355890303501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488588467969085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105909135251945,0.1828637974818204,0.0,0.0,0.26017733826928263,0.0,0.0,0.14577912381798447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrestFallen227,2018/01/27,"I'm lonely my whole life A couple of days ago, I was sick, so basically I had whole 3 days to just think, as I couldnt move from my bed. I realised I actually have no one in my life I can talk to, no one to understand me. I experienced some mediocre depression throughout my life, and during that time, I never actually talked about that to anyone. Neither my parents nor my brother ever noticed anything. I just tried to push it away. I used to let it all out crying myself to sleep. At some point I met a girl I madly fell in love with. Basically I actually helped her wih her depression, and ended up pushing her away, the reason is fucking unknown. As I pushed her away, I lost her. Over time I lost all contacts with her. I didnt think it was that big of a deal until I started thinking about her everyday. It's already been 2 years since we lost contact and I can say I love her and think about her everyday, and I can freely say I will do so for my whole life. I pushed her away and ended up hurting the person I loved the most. The only person beeing able to slightly get my mind off that girl was my friend's ex (He hated her at that moment) with whom I was  friends with benefits, ended up making up with my friend at my birthday party and cutting contact with me. I never had a best friend, when I think back, I dont even know if I ever had a friend I could tell all this to. During my life, I never belonged to any group of people, I was just everywhere. I can fit everywhere but at the same time nowhere. I dont really have anything I could call a hobby. I questioned the reason of existence every second of my life. Lost faith in God by the age of 13. I was good at some things, but I was never ""the best"" which drove me insane. Im just mediocre at everything, Im whining here about my depression while overall having nothing really bad happen (apart from that girl) to me. You see, I cant even be properly depressed. I thought about killing myself multiple times, but I literally had no balls to do it. So I cant even kill myself properly... Most of the times when I lay in my bed I can feel my mind screaming. I feel insane lately and I just cant take it anymore. ",2.7992985265855204,4.170660665919286,4.4339743754003855,85.96960986547087,74.62780269058295,7.159923126201153,25.29891095451633,7.760100539840176,1.293856835361947,1691,56,353,23,35,569,197,446,0.153,0.7509999999999999,0.096,-0.971,1,2,0,0,0,3,54.0,1,1,0,8,26,32,6,0,15,0,35,12,1,4,9,60,64,22,2,4,9,3,2,0,5,1,7,3,2,5,16,16,0,0,13,1,0,7,16,19,0,3,20,7,82,13,58,38,15,61,1,11,1,4,45,25,1,7,29,262,98,0,0.065766030634947,0.0,0.1925344771072092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829761806265685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257445018161415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472315604504908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522223053027136,0.04598513775633189,0.0,0.1082396791671804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24715740266750755,0.05057001806347115,0.054911888531245935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803478341944903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715447036131493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050176480627749,0.07276886200767436,0.07224089651759984,0.0848272981431465,0.06780188980791584,0.2265767432718846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541545962086395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474754825146194,0.0,0.0,0.1303135289405262,0.11897827977124074,0.05541071727558558,0.0,0.05910626771655497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650656227429984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540533606443371,0.0607996355823093,0.03436003661394635,0.0,0.0,0.055161426248404234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058156683694832075,0.0,0.0,0.06493033966863318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04408158404617641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040389600010938,0.0,0.1420771971865215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552073769896204,0.0,0.03614329050667964,0.0,0.07418694712288325,0.0,0.0,0.06725022210913313,0.2787149542203228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871655651220153,0.0,0.1780692309759215,0.0,0.043899336130424335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328098863067738,0.0,0.0,0.06989888260432454,0.0,0.0,0.20289126869142107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310428011388644,0.07487506177220328,0.0,0.0,0.08912952879298151,0.05001802982871748,0.0,0.0,0.0730253941351102,0.0,0.0,0.045593884926762966,0.1148487224727603,0.0,0.0,0.06217015640971989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367300557431891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426280652041243,0.13523686561932066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459957443219156,0.0,0.0,0.052407011659362616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440234014863664,0.0,0.06581352607574788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046549534979317485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049447870353981516,0.10572048850281247,0.0574824095300824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043692028471631734,0.21070108457472952,0.0,0.052210882187239634,0.19174350669823104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044650817805499114,0.0,0.0,0.06846475725462127,0.0,0.056800734773166314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027627369069291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423511675048935
suicidewatch,InterestingStar,2018/01/27,"I've lost all hope. I'm a morbidly obese man in his mid-twenties who has not had a real job since he was twenty. I tried going to film school but wound up bailing because of a depressive breakdown. So, basically, right now I just live with my parents. But they don't like having me here. They hate it. Having me here makes my mom so venomous and standoffish, while my dad just shuts down. I feel ashamed to be here. Especially watching all my friends and acquaintances from high school making their lives into something wondrous. 

I applied for nearly three dozen jobs last year of varying skillset. From dishwashing at fancy hotels to flipping burgers at McDonald's. Retail, Secretary work. Of all the jobs I applied for, only two gave me interviews. Of the two that gave me interviews, none offered me a position. But my friends don't know this. They see a fat man living with his parents and they see something pathetic. 

I've never been in a relationship. Least not a real one. There have been a few online relationships, but they have all crashed and burned for one reason or another. The only time I've ever been kissed was when I was sexually assaulted by someone at a concert when I was 21. I've never been physically intimate to any sort of degree, and now that I am in my mid-twenties I feel so broken on account of it. Like, even if I managed to lose this weight and gain enough confidence to earn someone's desire, what happens if they want to have sex? What happens if I embarrass myself? So I just don't try. I don't show interest, and no one shows interest in me. I'm going to die alone and this fact devastates me. 

 I think I have an issue with opening up to people to any degree. Friends, Family, Anyone. I can't bring myself to open up. I can't bring myself to approach, and I can barely hold a conversation. But that I'm not able to. I used to be so social even despite my opinions of my own size. Now I just want to sit in my room all day. Now I just don't want to talk to anyone. 

Because I cant see myself going on any further. I can't change the things I need to change. I can't get help. Like, killing myself is an option I am Legitimately considering. Because I could try to claw my way out of this pit on my own again, but then I'm just going to slip back down in due time anyway. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I hope to accomplish with this post. It feels like I'm rambling crazy talk. Sorry.",2.514118795315113,4.4912108036809855,4.019164807585057,86.04177565532629,76.95501022494888,6.899442275515895,25.22406581148913,7.84624498591911,1.4258993865030676,1909,69,385,30,44,633,229,489,0.15,0.755,0.095,-0.9854,5,1,2,0,0,1,61.0,0,0,7,6,28,20,3,2,16,0,36,6,1,4,9,70,73,28,2,11,19,4,4,4,3,0,3,1,1,2,17,17,3,1,8,5,2,7,19,8,0,7,12,9,62,12,60,58,11,56,0,3,4,2,32,27,0,9,23,264,79,11,0.08261428548933049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556348460205379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854164129192034,0.08662828160781129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553165858390885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352528606578528,0.0,0.15108270490866274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478991956875395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659607845776377,0.0,0.0,0.05327937963130278,0.0,0.07115556303606198,0.0,0.08574058522435905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536264110102401,0.0,0.16369786923545926,0.07472935098220437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788139587622024,0.0,0.12531679507482651,0.05901966206069247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914827761063827,0.0,0.04316255438928696,0.0,0.18780640916217087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461110796406945,0.0,0.0,0.08156450323236061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055374614129099616,0.08728652845849744,0.0,0.164109252560257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622785018564866,0.245945792264362,0.0,0.0914004665692237,0.0,0.13620795226415658,0.06734166905560526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614446675253605,0.0,0.21884978295285915,0.0,0.0,0.09242425354673957,0.09018325171311377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029135414913674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675685268554804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125744588852813,0.12743445995704214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794473376625152,0.1256637737138336,0.0,0.0,0.18346677458873634,0.0,0.0,0.05727434344966704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912164880099788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806628691141186,0.0,0.08494124487285004,0.0,0.17739365016457478,0.0,0.0705521484111013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672201349628104,0.19749866828219034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833939066924433,0.0,0.0,0.08421486019407773,0.13999763200324036,0.1272010262769907,0.0,0.0924799288741318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280446660561745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488526035270959,0.05293589832292089,0.0,0.0,0.09634610847062736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826903070939264,0.0,0.16140430519578053,0.0,0.0,0.07135221744796252,0.0,0.0,0.14618413813181078,0.0655753744429672,0.0,0.10060194330791193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014418376762396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320089123938273
suicidewatch,kop200,2018/01/27,"The girl I really like is an ex to my very good friend. The problem is that he still has hope they will be together again one day. They've been dating for about a month, then broke up. She said that she had mistaken the emotions she had because she was surprised with him being into her with love. I've been interested in her for over a year, but had real feelings toward her for like 6-7 months. I really fucking love her and feel like I have a chance with her but I can't do that to my friend, which I have known for 4 years, we trust each other and I've been the guy to cheer him up when they broke up, and giving advice when they were still together, all that even though I didn't want them to be together. I wanted her to love ME. Now, if I were to ask her out everyone would think I'm the reason their relationship collapsed so quickly. 

It's been about half a year since they broke up. Once I heard the news I thought that I have a chance and just need to give my buddy some time to forget about this. But oh boy was I wrong. He still wants to be with her as much as he used to when they started dating. They chat daily, they meet regularly (always with someone else being there with them, but still, they are like very good friends). 

If I am to make a move on her, I need to be prepared that I'm losing a good friend, and even then I may not succeed and lose two friends. Or even worse, make all of my friends think I'm a bitch. I tried to erase her from my mind, replace with someone else, and it all works perfectly fine until I meet her again and remember that this is the person I need in my life. The person who might make my depression go away. 

As of right now I'm basically fucked. I can't do anything. All I can is just look at her and dream. I feel like it would be better to be dumped by her, than to have hope. Life fucking sucks. 

 I have almost died of alcohol OD,  my grades went to shit, my friends like mocking me, my parents make me feel remorse, I lack free time, I lack motivation. All I want is the struggle to end, at least partially. I'm 16. All of my friends either are in a relationship or had one recently. They are having fun. All I'm having are suicidal thoughts.

If you've come this far, thank you. Sorry if the text is hard to understand, I'm holding back emotions and am shaking, English is my second language. I just can't stand all of it. My life's gone too shit. I used to be happy. Used to.",2.9285817500668965,3.920761386138615,3.8929729729729736,91.46162162162165,73.75247524752477,7.1228257960931245,23.747658549638746,7.432916251226849,0.7307174203906888,1880,51,431,21,37,606,226,505,0.161,0.614,0.225,0.992,1,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,1,1,12,7,26,53,9,2,20,0,54,12,2,9,9,89,105,31,3,18,15,2,5,6,8,5,4,2,0,5,17,22,1,1,13,2,1,6,5,19,0,5,19,8,76,35,61,72,15,53,0,6,1,6,65,17,7,12,35,294,93,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662650815477644,0.0,0.07286565505307098,0.06827426720683563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056732755549834826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610784755710019,0.0,0.06374081960269895,0.0,0.06405908617882401,0.052427628875037706,0.0,0.04156301882783864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030129965018428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873262076027325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397164837808835,0.0,0.05872492171677547,0.0,0.070761988808931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391436232943772,0.1533907933492772,0.060388875710581026,0.0,0.0,0.13510039336184168,0.0,0.0,0.06515067313111376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378991544078654,0.09741824493773346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214169839401687,0.18909904635861927,0.0,0.13081247375891367,0.03874931279219759,0.1715630858549031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751074439000418,0.0,0.07258084001710947,0.06107753930787894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543990938158126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447655687453007,0.1998612277977348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725557632652855,0.15255608480008662,0.0,0.0,0.1846103266949905,0.0,0.18204763934374926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233016104202412,0.06884422526296356,0.0,0.1088441936407202,0.07246650913511288,0.050121499920675515,0.15166791860884898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261143788788738,0.09240356314487493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570786819501718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906751132690375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524081586827428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760586456775034,0.08735806941331467,0.0701022905708096,0.06732134472878759,0.14640356669917864,0.07723673719015799,0.058226921629338686,0.06485654645261968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399753646729934,0.056400725340190035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155405091202442,0.0,0.0,0.0763239914320397,0.04825945960980595,0.0,0.21780043249792533,0.0,0.0,0.07127846647071873,0.0,0.07457987019693785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277268078074727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737634423453958,0.06698831485308024,0.10825753517095052,0.07951476225107082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046290996019330864,0.0,0.0666037536838056,0.07097970342544994,0.0,0.17666166376168022,0.0,0.11251432258701342,0.16086167080942804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320525181333825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963719395605177,0.0,0.06948312324907918,0.0968688504793676,0.07454614227118543,0.0,0.13172061494526024
suicidewatch,unbiasly,2018/01/27,"I hate myself. I wish I didn’t have things going for me and people that cared for me. I’m about to graduate with a doctorates in May but don’t even know if I’m getting the job I want- I’m getting so many rejection letters. My asian parents will be so disappointed with me. 

Speaking of my family I’m so distant from all of them despite living under the same household. My brother has two kids and I make no effort to spend time with them or anyone else. I’m a hermit in my own home. 

I’ve gained so much weight since my brothers death. Like SO much weight. I hate myself. I have always struggled with it and thought I was doing so well and now I’m the heaviest ive ever been. 

I’ve gone to therapy and taken meds and I stopped going out of embarrassment of seeing people I knew in the school’s clinic. I also had to reschedule one time and they never got back to me so I just stopped going. 

But i grew up quite privileged, education always paid for, a nice home, I have family and a boyfriend and an education. But I hate who I am. I am a failure. Im stupid and fat and I’m awkward and I don’t contribute anything to society. I wish I didn’t have anything going for me, at least on the outside, though.  I wish no one cared for me. So when I kill myself no one is upset.

I’m thinking maybe I should just get a job in a different branch that’ll make some good money but not give me job satisfaction. Then distance myself from everyone and then give all my money away to my family so they don’t feel like they’ve wasted so much money on me without any return in their investment.  Then just go away forever....",1.2886804451510372,3.4263573813813863,3.431507684154745,87.90478139904612,81.7927927927928,6.320049461225933,22.106429959371134,7.5105763829236425,0.9488527468645112,1260,41,262,20,34,429,165,333,0.201,0.677,0.122,-0.9871,5,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,5,3,22,19,5,4,13,0,23,5,1,2,4,50,62,35,2,6,11,3,3,2,0,4,3,1,2,1,5,18,3,2,5,0,6,7,11,11,1,4,11,5,48,8,37,46,9,33,0,2,1,0,14,13,0,4,15,185,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211748825410758,0.15007516455991088,0.0,0.0,0.061325981222092374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305645540085555,0.0924008034891775,0.1484220953772925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945550778685056,0.0693434062443502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838905061213094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421965717298196,0.0,0.09230378699030924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753344188319505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956351426198885,0.08157362311079222,0.0,0.08617154143651788,0.0,0.0,0.25504306745800914,0.0,0.04559808105974595,0.06442512353963485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134711052512225,0.17301912568492497,0.25625890358719955,0.07563930834590454,0.07212575900094863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671043689706341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091722771349825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741065140809402,0.0,0.2684713449289273,0.0,0.0997716039825358,0.0,0.049560964630595165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811548801686404,0.0,0.07963122690006356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203926601461192,0.09142909445381883,0.09059865316105002,0.0,0.10017044881449158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988796139642164,0.0,0.06955292981427455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332636689100845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013501607432787,0.0,0.0,0.12503991122828811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591829502271372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126770195850112,0.0718623571576817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459842250472179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079023790746895,0.0,0.0942764676375952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031295112913108,0.0,0.059912062442718274,0.0577841632781405,0.0886020983621728,0.07159341745422254,0.10517020470907118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809345851026619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319092445831634,0.0,0.0,0.2196316413765492,0.08108329648266842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111101282455231,0.08693099483017794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wabbadabbo,2018/01/27,"HELP Just sited on r/Airforce

https://www.reddit.com/r/AirForce/comments/7t8vfp/im_out_i_wont_do_this_anymore/?utm_source=reddit-android",69.54142857142854,89.16967457142857,27.59714285714286,-90.32714285714279,-53.85714285714286,8.514285714285714,35.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.896828571428573,130,2,4,1,1,24,7,7,0.0,0.593,0.407,0.5319,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_seven_deadlysins,2018/01/28,"Need some help So I just got dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years, she was my first girlfriend I’m only 18 but before her I was planning on just ending everything. She has now just decided to leave me randomly and I have done so much for this girl I even stayed with her after she cheated on me and now she just leaves me I feel like shes taken my will to live with her. I know this may be impulse sadness but I can’t help but remember those times and its making me want to end it. What should I do?",0.15160436137071542,2.2572771121495383,1.8931074766355136,97.3714992211838,86.28971962616819,5.061993769470405,18.26246105919003,6.42735559955562,-0.2296473520249225,389,10,91,4,12,127,71,107,0.107,0.8009999999999999,0.093,-0.3573,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,2,0,0,0,12,0,0,1,0,23,20,8,0,3,7,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,1,23,1,11,11,2,11,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,3,9,69,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342708948685155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059441200521093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818472842102545,0.0,0.0,0.14237643852430426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373291385089814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899444845167852,0.1539972876804407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183356631572011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240434550670286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889728637708264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184670468383733,0.0,0.0,0.4564973308912552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531253501506553,0.0,0.1903448885081492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438890769664524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846261749414414,0.15983623402255065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394435037359806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441893311499045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976004026877084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569573312521326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271438477065023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881463680056413
suicidewatch,Hachalagas,2018/01/28,I am going to commit suicide on my birthday because I am a virgin In 30 days I am going to be 22. I cannot stand the idea of losing my virginity above the age of 21 so I am going to end my life on my birthday. I see myself as being entirely defined by the number of my age when I lose my virginity. If that number is 22 or higher it means that I am unlovable and even if I lose it later it will haunt me for the rest of my life that it took so long. If I can lose it in the next 30 days then I will not do it but otherwise I will commit suicide.,2.197258064516128,2.1111272741935494,5.109838709677419,86.03475806451617,74.64516129032258,7.490322580645162,24.37096774193548,7.1686216300943375,0.8542612903225804,418,11,100,4,8,154,64,124,0.16399999999999998,0.782,0.053,-0.9306,0,0,0,0,0,5,5.0,0,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,6,0,14,5,0,0,2,11,20,11,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,1,1,21,0,14,14,1,19,0,4,1,3,0,4,0,4,10,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734540844223126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059733961564975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143774771904233,0.0,0.0,0.10547359442288523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722661481522905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027032548574012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255872301213168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132043123168533,0.0,0.7146080724658644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394898640760986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169831893964145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725208052337572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493494038997379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742122267988708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BB960228,2018/01/28,"I don’t know if I want to die or not I lost my job, no idea how i’m gonna pay the bills now. I have no friends at all, i’m married but I don’t really love him and he just gets mad at me when my mental health gets bad. 

I sit here awake all night thinking about how much of a failure I am. My parents already told me i’m a disappointment and i’ve let them down. I have no where to go if I leave him, I really don’t think i’ll get another job and I have no money.

My life’s been a rollercoaster from one disaster to the next. I seem to make bad decision after bad decision. I can’t see my life heading anywhere but failure. 

I’m at breaking point now. I don’t really think I want to die, but I don’t really want to keep living. I want to run away and hide from the world, but that’s not an option. I wish there was a way to just take a break and sort my life out. But I can’t do that.

I don’t think anyone would miss me. I don’t think anyone really thinks about me or worries about me ever. What’s the point if my depression and bad decisions keep fucking me over every time things start to look good? I can’t get anything right and never will. I’m just a fuck up. 

I can’t do it anymore, I don’t want to die but I think I have to. I’m sorry. ",-0.7961702127659578,0.9430238510638348,2.0100425531914894,97.39400000000002,87.08510638297872,5.603971631205674,17.201418439716313,6.88968998030894,-0.2404121985815601,954,22,245,13,30,333,130,282,0.294,0.638,0.068,-0.9972,5,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,1,1,15,14,3,0,11,0,24,8,1,3,4,55,64,21,3,10,16,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,13,0,3,2,19,11,0,1,4,2,42,3,26,56,3,29,0,4,2,3,8,13,2,8,10,149,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116137099317224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612517227452164,0.0,0.0,0.09091312773522743,0.12819717046699527,0.0,0.07543752872403463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612804383081203,0.0,0.3061662562372327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895620954479711,0.0,0.2854204783695023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292178493911002,0.07723688037988549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082488728165341,0.1694969641795465,0.19157752639085027,0.0,0.05209881547894269,0.07688939414991265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408102602838136,0.09744212396453153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348554700113392,0.0,0.0,0.1819389019599633,0.16296302393622472,0.0,0.0,0.050380055387405455,0.0,0.0,0.0970664899154668,0.0,0.09373994086253153,0.1942500894920317,0.0,0.0,0.08094728687576147,0.0,0.07698066084869935,0.0,0.10006986686456372,0.0,0.08273677348867528,0.0,0.06119119080517513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238293729539487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738882802641365,0.0,0.07070242644624243,0.0,0.09749328625086638,0.08602714509959727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211872984301051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178994080613787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331769628371269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936343647801008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828664374364333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305002154131884,0.08345395340533555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261832429283517,0.06488529731631858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892528080038639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060902225102667365,0.4111741080336692,0.0,0.0,0.05345417283380415,0.0,0.0,0.08759569275433092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27035003659543344,0.07276427568809239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054172748614911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309648186923186,0.0,0.06512054025120745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawamilfie,2018/01/28,"Drinking Acetone Tonight YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THIS. I've posted here about 6 months ago had about 3 hospitalizations during the summer. Was put on anti depressants as well as anti psychotics things were finally falling into place. Up until last month i had stopped my medications in November and I'm now seeing the side effects of that everything is coming back. Therapy doesn't do shit for me because im so boring i never have anything to talk about at all.  I haven't seen my therapist in 3 weeks. I had decided to kill myself on 2/16/18 but the method im choosing i don't have enough money to do it im only 16 and unemployed
 So I've decided to kill myself using what i have around the house. I've moved the date up to the first Friday in february. I've decided to drink nail polish remover or acetone or whatever you call it. Ive been doing a lot of research on it. I'm not looking for sympathy. But i guess i just want to document the days leading up to my suicide. I had written suicide notes 6 months ago and recently found them and read them but this time will be different i wont leave a damn thing. They knew. ",1.8890855457227111,4.290400526548673,3.7462168141592933,84.97619837758113,81.34513274336283,6.952507374631269,25.788348082595874,8.07648339933343,1.8608825958702069,893,37,173,18,24,300,138,226,0.154,0.805,0.041,-0.9805,4,0,3,0,0,4,16.0,0,2,3,3,11,7,4,0,9,0,23,4,1,3,2,29,35,14,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,2,1,7,4,1,6,7,6,1,1,11,3,22,1,31,21,3,41,0,1,3,0,7,14,2,4,20,115,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728224583855576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621389574829647,0.1040821799792456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990304633910212,0.0,0.0712723822887072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938677682878306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071486426390404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540270705670242,0.0,0.10070166192232956,0.0,0.0,0.12215486177630715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702751488971493,0.22907107625997306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080797984264285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507873496867946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280784117644254,0.0,0.09945074644638567,0.0,0.12819501033091024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879881869726653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490815636513154,0.0,0.0,0.3788758635509425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587058127649817,0.0,0.0,0.09530411539412753,0.0,0.12379972275529112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818202428961542,0.0,0.0,0.09939985776488368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177830054844078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799694968452882,0.1242657749091716,0.0,0.0,0.09017469159329784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892172527677991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215486177630715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119755250093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753530296501097,0.0,0.0,0.23390011515337536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544283242694152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316884150193518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001507570105414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977490325346106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557795448755054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397459543055246,0.0,0.0,0.13370640028671918,0.13575129454320178,0.15535080313415472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817606964773848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009799736278066,0.0,0.0,0.06896151206568849,0.0,0.09378490234279233,0.0,0.10512369893283724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slythery_snek,2018/01/28,"Psychiatric hospitalization questions: Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this! So my so and I think I might need to do this right now! I’d be going for major depression self harm and anxiety! I’m really scared and unsure what to expect as well as have tons of questions if anyone could be nice enough to answer I’d appreciate it greatly! 
1.What to expect while there? 
2.Can I have my phone there? 
3.whats dress code like? 
4.Can you shower daily or how often can you? 
5.What about washing clothes because I’d assume you can’t bring to many?
6.What kind of stuff can I bring? 
7.How long should I expect to be there? ",1.1173947368421049,3.719929950000002,2.114824561403509,91.14947368421049,95.33333333333334,4.526315789473684,16.315789473684212,6.339386263674448,-0.11599999999999965,494,12,94,6,19,155,83,120,0.161,0.762,0.078,-0.8953,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,0,10,9,0,1,1,0,13,1,0,1,0,20,19,12,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,4,1,0,0,0,10,5,13,13,3,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,8,4,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155951264186007,0.0,0.0,0.1385285154805252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207707225437185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818087750959592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706385009336217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470856376797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259486524236224,0.0,0.0,0.2184254844399664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063091169976656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679031011353488,0.0,0.0,0.1753279467738737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086027109992605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101715914075491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690177818062264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069908489826105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897420098546096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44387437294535775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691928378411976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919144939398975,0.0,0.0,0.19835039847603814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066799886208753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177656610674432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22679738882480086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269458345908938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781316222202199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661062451286034,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miss_jazz420,2018/01/28,"*for vent, may be triggering* Thinking of it the whole time... Hey all, I'm sorry, already started a thread on the bpd subreddit, but i feel like today it all just bursts out and i have no one to talk :( i don't know how i can cope with my life, NOTHING is okay for me. i have bpd and bdd...

I have no job, can't handle relationships or friendships and I feel like I'm too ugly. Even if i get told I'm an 8 it gives me the urge to instantly end my life 'cause i will never be good enough. i wish i just had the courage to do it, I'm 23 now and I cannot afford surgery for my face/body. What's even the point? I am not good enough to live, I have no friends, no one likes me and if i have a job they hate me there too. Seriously, i'm not even exaggerating, when i told people back in high school about my suicidal thoughts most of them said i should finally do it cause i am no one someone would cry after. I really think the world is a better place without me",1.6455769230769235,2.6158039423076933,3.435769230769232,93.5842307692308,76.88461538461539,6.930769230769231,22.134615384615387,7.413659706084162,0.4436480769230773,732,19,183,9,16,246,120,208,0.212,0.654,0.134,-0.9512,3,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,1,13,11,1,0,10,1,22,2,0,4,3,34,41,11,1,5,9,0,2,3,1,4,2,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,12,2,0,3,5,3,30,9,16,30,6,17,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,5,13,122,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024210648800444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075295315694294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438238653706457,0.0,0.1310977429769998,0.2972934797375945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424857368512263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296435110908736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453398191296454,0.24390009865273646,0.0,0.2338606557903953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935267500069685,0.16863233392718185,0.0,0.129289212953144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911848309367081,0.0,0.061662520851436635,0.11321910372565926,0.0,0.19798538834249227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652398595183315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469853689793475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342406554076801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486274824291273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672728330021774,0.17298127946477612,0.0,0.1042171043520114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102716643483726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324693952037407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399277752273349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182278475376814,0.0,0.12330966413377667,0.0,0.11157056114414697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560901524122014,0.0,0.0,0.12671330284961674,0.0,0.0,0.11226758196837212,0.0,0.0,0.11944630252795707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000111236111403,0.0,0.0,0.13211788836936664,0.08353779431427605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909879030703578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486299301675884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124966445159285,0.0,0.09369764787258188,0.06882057846881501,0.0,0.11187268350732757,0.22555343866128705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176926509265338,0.135721449831994,0.1137706514431914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384066224771296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ahsanceall,2018/01/28,"I think I should kill myself soon. I'm 17. My exams are coming up which makes me really stressed. I'm gay and my parents are very homophobic. The person I like will never like me back in 1,000,000,000 years. I hate how I look and honestly I wish I was dead. Genuinely contemplating a revenge suicide thing as per 13 reasons why.",2.2758035714285683,4.849981937500001,3.647589285714286,85.19562500000002,81.1875,6.7821428571428575,24.767857142857146,7.957251820313856,1.6372794642857142,260,10,50,5,7,85,50,64,0.299,0.564,0.13699999999999998,-0.9392,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,2,0,5,1,0,3,1,10,13,4,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,12,3,3,10,0,7,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,6,30,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905278068936921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134408453459883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446318133088288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274132263276399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421059419270792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080731023699197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539531835881366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911034934431753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751307736265224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635225826707294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873444724591124,0.25475948402160303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838315721038115,0.0,0.0,0.2710315040359257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461426517563216,0.15876765360755746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444475161873946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223583240554924,0.0,0.2849351925793919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956243191305852
suicidewatch,LordMortem,2018/01/28,"What am I supposed to look forward to anymore? Look, I'm a high school student, and people always say there's so much in life, but I don't think so.
I'm seriously unsuccessful, I'm extremely depressed, I'm suicidal, I have barely any friends, I'm hated by so many people, I was beat up once and my right eye socket, right side of my jaw and my right cheekbone were fractured, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I tried to kill myself via overdose and failed and I cut myself.

I have nothing to look forward to. ",2.7691176470588243,4.1298258627451006,4.537401960784315,85.24080882352943,74.68627450980392,6.6686274509803924,27.45588235294117,7.1686216300943375,1.3903294117647058,386,15,79,4,8,131,63,102,0.345,0.624,0.031,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,3,0,1,0,6,4,3,0,0,7,18,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,5,12,1,9,16,1,9,0,2,4,0,2,9,0,0,2,40,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327189959801665,0.0,0.0,0.1252645587854084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268017404999465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865403007559722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142315010582023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818626203880892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946208970931832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379365650789716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010823644369113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640531309168085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867532316430548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541061824144274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767480317796551,0.0,0.0,0.19617049991241434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554067460226075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719258283532943,0.0,0.1464858554167315,0.0,0.18642357104383772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148850987534053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803003512665695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250619474658626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orcats,2018/01/28,"why wont i kill myself? I don't get it, i hate my life, i hate my situation, i hate myself, i hate the effect I've had on the people i care about but i still, no matter what state i get into as a catylist(sp?) i still fail to damage myself in any significant way or die. 
Do i just convince myself Im suicidal for attention? It's increasingly frustrating ",0.18448948948948998,2.4515406621621665,3.403153153153152,85.30836336336337,88.32432432432432,6.5321321321321335,19.033033033033032,7.793537801064563,0.9078636636636644,275,8,58,6,9,99,50,74,0.316,0.476,0.208,-0.9554,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,6,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,11,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,17,2,7,9,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,40,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607832193501942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890276027349071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241587462810456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372764093609834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7321762587457941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026375809059735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511757262111086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095346584700648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853297956598495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839730894316089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612127512856473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027974509357363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716184866818782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672946155015247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gregriii,2018/01/28,"I’m bored I’m 17. In November I’ll be 18. Since 2014 I’ve been saying that I wont reach that age and i think i wont be able. I’m bored. I don’t have a bad life, my family loves me and my friends care a lot about me to the point im the emotional support of most. but I’m bored. This feeling won’t get away. I am sick, bored of living. I know I wont be famous, or rich, or have what I want so there’s literally nothing that can keep me alive. And I’m bored of having to do the same things all over again. Since little, I’ve wanted to be someone, to get people to know me. But at the end in just some random guy on the internet, and if I die, nothing will happen. I’ve reached the point where I do not care about my family nor my friends. And dont get me wrong; im quite a positive person and a happy one: Im laughing most of the time and my situation not a ‘happy but sad on the inside’. Life just bores me and that’s it. I dont know what to do and im stuck in this dumb loop. Jeez.",-1.1328171091445434,0.5179297522123925,1.8143584070796488,98.82664085545723,87.76106194690266,5.18259587020649,16.053834808259587,6.42735559955562,-0.6340731563421826,748,15,199,8,24,263,109,226,0.139,0.647,0.214,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,8,20,1,0,13,0,21,4,0,0,1,34,43,17,1,3,10,0,1,0,2,5,3,1,0,2,10,9,0,1,5,0,1,0,10,10,0,1,2,2,22,10,20,32,6,16,0,1,0,1,6,12,2,8,4,117,32,0,0.11300239166192315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616946677764112,0.0,0.09435227692465277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304269390278852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117278641768279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26487592285975176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711248091356295,0.10008657812563464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305719580709884,0.0,0.05713740456623325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461073496689875,0.0,0.17711725692491218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189013395601256,0.09992764175050912,0.2405862943901038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882478972105757,0.0,0.0,0.10044171785538288,0.0,0.0,0.18630947756862928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963386221712927,0.0,0.11325808323871883,0.09978318213726596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607059238720024,0.10198907038281807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685768498194388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657334511500177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834163005034575,0.09866932969375516,0.0,0.0,0.2136475714427873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019195327178635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986403743345303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695349223447494,0.1270194228426125,0.0,0.0,0.0957465597485261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823377491902385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750737678127654,0.07240736974037011,0.0,0.0,0.0658926033192289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330347678642882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355037586968005,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayOnety,2018/01/28,"Why I should kill myself and why you claim I shouldn't Why I should:

0 True Friends, but a shitload of toxic assholes  

0 Hope For the future 

Toxic Parents who want to make me study what THEY want and manipulate everythign I do  

Dealing with terrific acne and self harm scars throughout most of my body

Flunking at school

Being sick of everything

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, now your turn, give me false hopes, tell me something about no longer hearing my favorite music or something, OR, try and give an actual reason for me to stay.",3.3384375000000013,6.04530596875,3.5185833333333365,86.93475000000002,77.85416666666666,5.923333333333334,25.225,7.1686216300943375,1.2779325,407,15,73,5,10,125,72,96,0.205,0.607,0.189,-0.608,1,0,2,0,0,1,76.0,0,2,1,0,2,8,1,0,3,1,5,2,1,3,1,20,14,7,1,7,3,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,14,5,10,10,1,4,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,5,2,44,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.16672785503742082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977913607753974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614191221756134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535516347572604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200058250873947,0.0,0.0,0.32779547846675977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192563716894154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393911041010705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902349977428493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114045685643878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897120065508509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756653109521104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291232927930095,0.0,0.0,0.17823691166157646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630619302533587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821065356623716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933302835933035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159979530455555,0.18583897209622924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154701931223828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625046988134588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mundayverbal,2018/01/28,"just a scrambled vent. you dont have to read. im running so thin. i dont know how much longer i can keep going. 
im lonely, i have no partners. my friends do... they don’t mean it but it only makes me jealous and lonlier. 
i know i wont succeed. theres no money for college, i might not get any scholarships, and im not pretty enough for a sugar daddy. 
i mentally wont be able to handle living on my own. i have mdd. i daydreams constantly. every little mishap sets me off into a spiral. 
im medicated, i go to a therapist. but it isnt enough because im broken. 
everyone always comes to me for help— im good at emotional help but when i want the same thing i get too anxious- afraid of upsetting people. or i do and they get upset on accident. or i do and their well meaning advice doesnt help (still thankful that they care tho) 
i want death. i want out. i dont want to struggle anymore. my childhood was shit, my early teen years were shit, and now my late teen years are shit. 
i cant do it anymore. 
im either going to kill myself or im going to snap one day.
the only thing keeping me from that last step is the fear of failure and those i’ll leave behind. 
i just... cant. im lost.",-0.8388397406206565,1.2811528464566957,2.0503010653080125,93.66888837424736,93.37007874015751,4.563038443723946,18.494210282538205,6.2272716619740125,-0.03489402501157901,909,28,202,10,34,317,140,254,0.266,0.62,0.114,-0.9944,0,2,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,1,4,2,11,18,5,5,7,0,24,5,3,2,0,34,46,16,2,4,11,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,9,9,1,2,4,1,2,7,14,12,1,1,3,2,34,6,20,39,6,27,0,2,0,0,9,8,3,4,11,128,43,4,0.07267534397599994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101750502052452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047170808845316,0.0,0.0,0.04942172604741514,0.0,0.0,0.08210245247865468,0.1441488255534355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044302215139614506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409735674130474,0.0,0.0,0.06260337372058793,0.0,0.07853622844910563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686958458332112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25552488564645937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174998013912564,0.0,0.15018611534243567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061232111761663564,0.06944440560251282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817799669213264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614879047687212,0.0,0.1139096029897646,0.0,0.16521229114207964,0.0609566304687283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613825340982906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7065165838114801,0.0,0.0,0.12919436991243688,0.08040450036141861,0.0,0.0798809368495363,0.05924010518938792,0.08198095352009689,0.07695269577930956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283978716186618,0.06417366020483252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933372297907461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048511356437274535,0.0,0.0,0.15832951019402333,0.0,0.07321276322185467,0.0732396533044796,0.07709705516916013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342473995461238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924669393082295,0.11054574794034312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050383932833767374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393695208137492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269501095620949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380058865582494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803862357780248,0.0,0.0,0.07597604903262008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690969249270064,0.0,0.08438167580778351,0.09656453848676398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146320332111742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653438621923619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360107753159083
suicidewatch,M4SH-1T-UP,2018/01/28,"Is there a way to get yourself killed without it being suicide? This is literally the only place I can ask this question without getting the national suicide hotline number as a response, so please... Please tell me a way",6.0784166666666675,7.998490675000002,6.4250000000000025,72.74666666666668,67.25,7.333333333333335,40.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,3.7630833333333333,177,11,26,2,3,57,31,40,0.097,0.6659999999999999,0.238,0.6766,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612383362906569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192115594676824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23209978065716946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955353079868134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918422567678364,0.4605693274596098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350110191102448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589489167460349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336430744568544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33304053241779225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044570604663345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilzephyr,2018/01/28,"Thoughts that wont stop cycling..... I don't know if anyone will read this or find something through it. I was in crisis earlier. I thought about making a post about wanting to give up. I have no friends and very distant family. I lost my dad at 15 and then my brother killed himself when I was 25. I forever thought to myself that I guess if they are gone, then I should be next to go. I keep going to this place of dark thoughts. Thinking about how I would kill myself. How at least the thoughts would be gone. I don't know why I have this idea of peace from suicide. 
Last night I finally asked my fiancee about us getting married and he said he didn't now how he felt about it. I guess he wants me to be perfectly mentally well before hand. So for a month I worked on myself and actually started to feel better. I was journal ling and tracking my water and food intake. Started playing guitar again and listening to comical podcasts. Which was all surprisingly very helpful. I even started to see a therapist. But last night I feel like all my progress has just left. When he told e that I spiraled into darkness. I told him that I didn't understand why he called me his wife to everyone he knows. But wont actually go and do the ceremony. I fell into a pit of despair and realized I have been setting myself up for this for along time. I did this. I fooled myself into thinking I mattered more. Not having anyone else in my life was my fault too. So if I set myself up for this, then why should I live anymore. If I've made mistake after mistake then that obviously means I never really valued me. I just valued a title and a man that is afraid to commit becuase I'm broken. 
Even as I write this I realize that my self worth is broken. Maybe you cant love broken people. Is this true? Is it me? I feel so alone.",2.108121330724071,4.237096328767127,3.5746771037181984,88.00835616438357,78.86301369863014,6.25362035225049,25.223091976516642,7.33818517376401,1.2235612524461843,1420,54,287,19,35,467,193,365,0.153,0.74,0.107,-0.9619,0,1,1,0,0,3,40.0,1,1,1,5,21,18,2,1,8,0,33,5,1,5,7,70,75,30,3,12,10,3,5,1,2,7,1,2,0,2,19,14,2,2,20,4,1,6,10,9,1,0,22,8,58,9,38,43,4,44,0,2,1,1,30,13,0,7,23,200,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.18212221544153095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966452728009505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925425199061647,0.13049478656599894,0.09561132998353904,0.0,0.0,0.08723609357657387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940343215744512,0.0,0.0,0.08252874456056973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528413640063343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795196260282944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326617522864453,0.0,0.0,0.08916562813701198,0.0,0.0,0.0879682353469211,0.0,0.1415472488395676,0.06666361669354709,0.08959617633645549,0.1022210430728018,0.08528740328027452,0.0,0.11283578859742276,0.0,0.07209424760088404,0.0,0.048752769515401126,0.0895153943183099,0.15909767231601216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559201839565908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254647895237478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534026858303668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294186583541784,0.20647646754453827,0.0,0.15384897851521445,0.15212690336349574,0.0,0.0,0.10138605030061328,0.0,0.06591051340771713,0.04558855920786301,0.0,0.08239806608421757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018633708576364,0.0,0.08421962480321456,0.08829606429432459,0.06228789102561697,0.0,0.09374656276078734,0.10164641850260643,0.0,0.0,0.09403867215467396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744824299475006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719695919589425,0.0,0.09924061143143603,0.175137936317313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469225245947427,0.0,0.09749338093101127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936912011470244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333935913338484,0.0,0.05977940639538053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876308448275072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435926186943599,0.0,0.0973469646627948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183775849169635,0.0,0.0,0.198144615681926,0.0,0.0,0.07801477179013926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207048757737217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083448704236943,0.0,0.1195838238280274,0.0,0.3704048883983285,0.054412206210160866,0.0,0.0,0.17833125627402396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971432762969654,0.1122453812710226,0.0,0.0,0.1539878218555244,0.11007815600021792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390058877643371,0.0,0.2526044024890736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793378126950425,0.0,0.0,0.1325753286158787,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Excolsior5,2018/01/28,"The impoliteness of suicide (not currently suicidal, just ranting) I'm not in any danger but I am in a suicidal frame of mind, which is very common for me. I suffer a lot of depression, and it's gotten easier recently (I've found the capacity to try harder, some help through therapy) to grin through it but the suicidal thoughts don't really stop. 

I apologize if this sounds rambly, my ability to communicate declines when I get really depressed. 

What strikes me though is that I've never really found a good way to express that I want to kill myself. Even in my darkest moments, I've only ever been faced with uncertainty about whether or not I will want to go through with killing myself. I'm told that I'm suicidal but have a high survival threshold, where I constantly tell myself that I should die, and believe in that statement, but at the same time can never bring myself to go over that edge. I suppose that's an easy point to understand, many people have been in that spot before, as I gather. But it means that I very rarely find myself in such a space where I find it feasible that I kill myself. If it ever were to happen, it would probably be an accident that I encouraged, because I cannot even conceive of taking that first step to hurt myself. Heck, I've only ever engaged in minor self harm, no scars or anything. 

Importantly, in regular life I am a nice, outgoing person. And in my dark moments where I am uncertain about whether or not I'm going to kill myself, I end up wanting to talk to someone. To vent about what's happening to me. About what I want to do, and every time I am faced with a conundrum of not being able to reach out. 

I even find myself self-censoring for everyone, hiding and grinning and bearing it even for my therapist, because it's a serious matter to want to kill yourself, and it feels like I'm not really gonna do it ever, so I shouldn't be afforded the emotional effort needed to be worried over. And if you tell anyone that you're suicidally depressed, it changes how they see you. It changes how they interact, and if they care about you it's even worse because they end up being even more worried about you, spending time and effort every time they see you thinking back to that one admission that you always look into the mirror and picture yourself not existing. 

And the point is that it's impolite to talk to anyone. Because societally it's expected that you would help someone going through a tough time by offering to support them, but how can you support someone who wants to kill themselves? I feel like I'm holding their decency as human beings hostage by saying that I'm suicidal, because it demands so much social support to be able to help me, and no group of people I think will ever be willing or able to do so. So it is impolite to even mention this, because it means I immediately force those who care about me into an unsolicited contract with extremely demanding terms. And there's no way to actually talk about it either because broaching the topic in any way exposes myself as a person who is suicidally depressed and needs help. 

It's hard because I can't get to talk to anyone about how I feel, and it's paradoxical because I feel like I don't need help at all, or rather that I don't deserve it. 

Sorry, I guess I just wanted to waste someone's time, so screaming into the void like this works ( can't do it irl because my parents are at home and the walls are thin. I live in a city so I can't do it outside either.) 

It's really sad though, because recently I think I've been getting better. But I guess it's more likely that I was just pretending to myself that I was. And this is the big slap in the face that I'm not. 

I'm tired. Sorry for wasting your time. ",7.266783226825591,6.4494573574352,7.854040712285489,73.10966306455089,64.10231923601637,10.935434766999354,36.206254038917216,10.247446810586672,3.6526556616643937,2965,124,549,59,38,989,285,733,0.218,0.652,0.13,-0.9984,3,0,0,0,0,7,72.0,0,9,7,6,44,36,7,1,26,0,49,5,3,4,8,112,105,52,15,20,32,1,6,5,0,8,2,3,1,5,60,26,0,2,17,1,1,6,21,19,0,2,11,12,75,17,89,78,10,70,0,7,3,0,47,33,1,14,33,394,135,1,0.13699055732654045,0.0,0.04456100760841244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037995705926807684,0.0,0.0,0.0621055177256155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578698287182584,0.0,0.037577185442598166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03511242755388326,0.0,0.306196631568212,0.0,0.03885629148452697,0.05144714897337814,0.0,0.04038567184525525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311400209096993,0.0,0.09661189690120113,0.0,0.0,0.04934604189430189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731968838815902,0.0,0.04739152349507244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051365312855809565,0.08088864855979858,0.0,0.0,0.21112226595941452,0.20652633659879052,0.07694696860126685,0.043633449375624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235538918666104,0.09786608152608813,0.0,0.0,0.12520688760325915,0.03884136602676555,0.0,0.10013538353384246,0.0,0.0,0.07157191212637397,0.0,0.10380652090307384,0.03830039333751073,0.0,0.0,0.10060702889811958,0.0,0.080760198283731,0.0,0.04090554389230546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530364715649404,0.04824601503966599,0.04580423284194506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048883741641386494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031195096843354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032253493977274485,0.11154444441569697,0.0,0.040321723967563686,0.0,0.038345855400267165,0.0,0.0,0.0388214910034453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629564120364256,0.0,0.0994819180577489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046107137093891484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0335679406568512,0.10157676245658064,0.07043704200680277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030942782329317808,0.06945832791851149,0.0,0.0,0.05070393405722321,0.0,0.0,0.06331466915363672,0.07974324712361076,0.0,0.0,0.08633357062321137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923299687016308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462660981117998,0.0,0.0901744324639879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036313463194808736,0.0,0.0,0.07277582530800374,0.0,0.0952740185479964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046548207188910166,0.15476220622882195,0.0,0.0,0.10223314222996216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038176746652030864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995878273281706,0.15545526104260735,0.0,0.0,0.034333283474781734,0.14681042782531886,0.07982385680441761,0.0,0.05222021371611767,0.05301886520079899,0.0,0.0877780176985802,0.08972835135618405,0.036251733507843435,0.1863873564606328,0.05248349784059484,0.0,0.043633449375624,0.0,0.03100253204278989,0.0,0.0,0.04753733380280472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535437107078054,0.18853468669967668,0.10873672802022624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03324358576112825,0.09274704042999844,0.04653502711549205,0.06487610764911401,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Primaniel,2018/01/28,"Every day I break more. I need someone to talk to. I'm a 17 year old male from Germany. My life is pretty good I'd say. I'm doing an apprenticeship right now and successfully finished school. But I'm broken. Three of my closest friends committed suicide (Not because of me) at different stages of my life. That really killed me. The only thing that keeps me alive right now is my family. But from day to day my condition keeps getting worse. I start to crumble under my facade I have to keep up every day and I found out about other friends of mine being suicidal. I could help some of them but helping everyone is a challenge I can't master. And I don't think I can withstand another bad thing like a suicide. That sounds really selfish, that I help them to keep me alive, but do that for everyone who is in such a situation if I'm able to. But I don't have anyone I can open up to anymore and that really pressures me. I need someone preferably around my age, I can talk to and I can maybe get some advice from. 

I'm sorry for any mistakes you find. You may keep them.",1.7123711772098886,3.933181387096777,3.4826246334310866,87.66211876832848,80.7511520737327,6.526099706744867,23.68852115626309,7.686295010490155,1.2388543778801837,839,30,171,14,22,280,115,217,0.157,0.7140000000000001,0.129,-0.9057,2,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,2,3,3,5,11,1,1,6,0,18,2,0,0,1,32,35,11,4,6,7,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,1,10,8,0,5,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,2,33,6,27,31,3,24,0,0,0,0,15,11,0,4,12,113,43,3,0.10361178570349737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012482378317136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704595672779033,0.10864599138813544,0.0,0.0,0.10275505010052406,0.07244776965789741,0.0,0.0,0.0922364562503215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865115131952402,0.0631607828750262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827255799165072,0.0,0.0,0.2672841207583535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108252263415708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174594796389742,0.19801100285044265,0.0,0.0,0.09767597034847356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469929504723176,0.0,0.0,0.11360497507118238,0.16010041722874974,0.0,0.10826576322265527,0.0,0.0,0.08690465002021693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834638774304154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604745790362666,0.11463108951772193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146368136813834,0.05061948486127853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409196510970446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365365247794746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872313971744704,0.0,0.0,0.07880143195338811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054104351698016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912908915918956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696779773121565,0.0,0.0823962506639883,0.0,0.10486065870117728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646398829437578,0.0,0.0,0.17557985958724018,0.0,0.0,0.1159849112732292,0.07333695520786976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34000343005893624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655845720756854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767013296217498,0.06639024861826053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558926143435744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672259294721966
suicidewatch,kaiteno,2018/01/28,"Confused I cant understand LIFE.I am surrounded by ""friends"" but ı still feel lonely because ı cant share my thoughts with em.And ı know ""they dont understand me"" shit is cliche but that is the case between me and my friends or any other person.They either dont give a shit(they prob dont)or they dont understand me.I really do have lots of friends but ı cant talk to them properly.not a single one of them.I feel like they dont think as deep as ı do about life or any other things.Most of them only cares about getting good grades and having a boyfriend/girlfriend.AND it drives me so mad that they can be so narrow minded.And because of that ı feel lonely and when ı feel lonely all ı can do is think more.This shit is happening to me for my entire life and ı am getting sick of it.The more ı think the more complicated it gets.I cant find the answers of my questions and ım in a constant state of confusion and anger.What the fuck can ı do to find ""those"" answers



(I prob made a lots of grammer mistakes ı know.Thats bec ıma 16yo boi from turkey :d)",2.493474747474746,4.0149459636363645,3.49757575757576,91.75580808080808,75.72727272727272,6.525252525252526,24.949494949494948,7.1686216300943375,0.8908282828282821,832,28,183,9,18,267,110,220,0.153,0.726,0.12,-0.7568,0,6,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,6,0,6,17,4,2,9,0,24,6,2,1,1,37,43,16,0,1,6,0,4,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,17,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,2,4,16,7,21,40,7,9,0,3,0,1,13,4,3,7,4,101,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391129794143009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470250708792192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042851483284684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053244802736592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993792440372262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687104504121406,0.07307156531483565,0.0,0.0,0.18697107563114146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370726244846179,0.09455972253656623,0.10687812508884173,0.0981199386868371,0.0,0.08579079645484035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044922426196704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242500022038203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673821302914176,0.04997069686573233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391605372825933,0.0,0.09678340223851374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931014825795692,0.07779143702310944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931026663803915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458126185824567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655256197542157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31497854458499386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816839727457827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221184192561967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966179820459698,0.0,0.08120190994123731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194431210413737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CtrlAltVictory,2018/01/28,"Why shouldn't I kill myself? My life is awful. My life sucks and I can't see any reason to live


I have developed a bump on the back of my neck that may be cancerous.

I fail everything I do.

Nobody Likes me. 

The only job I have ever been able to get is at a call center. I'm told to kill myself on a daily basis.

I not only hate the tiny room that I rent but the state I live in.

I'm going to get fired soon lose the job and become homeless.

I'm also fat, ugly, and smell.  Natural selection should have killed me and my inferior genes years ago.

I'm stupid (failed college)",-0.15006968641115034,1.9129551138211376,2.5144773519163763,92.68335365853659,87.29268292682926,5.465505226480834,15.289779326364693,6.868970318607317,-0.2770854819976769,441,8,100,6,14,153,78,123,0.245,0.6679999999999999,0.087,-0.9761,3,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,6,0,8,1,12,5,2,1,1,11,23,6,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,10,0,0,2,3,17,1,9,17,0,13,0,4,1,0,2,6,1,1,6,58,19,5,0.16337627478162792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482321003356838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065194791664553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111101469262688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256262706914729,0.0,0.0,0.18043625967429386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682544311462258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778319400823373,0.0,0.0,0.14683206121071582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071472093266066,0.0,0.09285050196612896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613002474522172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242514866960225,0.0,0.5422549255108312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307949889774429,0.07981739540390476,0.0,0.2885284876485728,0.0,0.0,0.1827762614480168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485100379766532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679780207556541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018973860335525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561130318902884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474216764364567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052089644577925
suicidewatch,cutedeadgrrl,2018/01/28,please help idk who i am i want to do soccer but at the same time i want to do track and i want to do art and piano and guitar and have perfect grades and learn to do this and do thatetc etc etc.. i don't know who i am or what i want. :(,2.790297619047621,1.1986921964285742,4.332857142857144,97.24547619047621,73.46428571428572,7.466666666666668,22.23809523809524,3.1291,-0.32714761904761896,177,2,52,0,3,60,31,56,0.085,0.677,0.238,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,16,14,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,14,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,37,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225322967960424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707236566438645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338402655623712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30636392450662275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274329598159953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6584729115323696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm_me_jolly_thoughts,2018/01/28,"I almost killed my self last month and I want to try again. Last month on 5 separate occasions I tried to kill myself. I could never go through with it. I would just sit there with the belt around  my neck or pills in my hands shaking and crying. I told my parents about one of the times and they put me in a hospital. It sucked but once I was out things were looking better. I was on a new antidepressant and was getting therapy, but it got worse pretty soon. I became entirely numb and extremely uninterested in everything. I started cutting again and now I do it multiple times a day. I’m in constant physiological pain. I can feel it coming. I feel like I did on those days leading up to my past attempts. I can’t live like this for much longer. I want to die. I want to try again. Maybe I’ll be able to go through with it this time. I want to stop the pain. The only thing that keeps me alive is knowing how much it would hurt others if I killed myself, but I can’t keep suffering for them much longer. It’s only a matter if time until I break.",1.6089545957918006,3.6800575720930255,3.1665780730897017,90.59496124031008,80.25581395348838,6.327796234772979,21.400885935769654,7.447530270364453,0.6421583610188257,818,24,179,12,21,269,126,215,0.22,0.675,0.105,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,2,3,10,14,5,1,8,0,14,6,2,2,1,37,33,14,4,9,7,1,3,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,15,12,0,3,3,0,0,6,3,11,0,1,7,4,32,3,27,22,3,40,0,2,1,0,5,10,1,4,24,121,47,1,0.11016271047504077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031204157019456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806816817369984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742996513746384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489542060123443,0.0,0.11904675400363585,0.0,0.08795596029298446,0.0,0.12100856461446287,0.1420916694454984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433150102413565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900714084238943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140315287054522,0.07870026237491946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755546942501012,0.0,0.1252160141272496,0.0,0.08810718312201217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793146000290275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958353574820253,0.3656361515315441,0.0,0.060542544673311285,0.17959462451652494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763987160932614,0.0,0.09727569162387774,0.0,0.0925089316114272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067324954685487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586164897522774,0.0,0.2429468030492385,0.0,0.08496427363403065,0.10639583224409334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173196913339888,0.07464910365124351,0.16756741087624547,0.2344417819880769,0.0,0.12232265310470285,0.0,0.10516277231894093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207508076242853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074395117221683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492373261988882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797373347859292,0.0,0.0,0.09210095871677697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259806602036262,0.0,0.14637441962416176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569470495321864,0.0,0.0,0.10526519077814464,0.0,0.22437974742695785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599072834223543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226521343772064,0.15651285759779046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Demon1,2018/01/28,"Death I'm thinking about dying every day. Thoughts about me being dead and that all pain could be over soon strangely relaxes me somehow. 
I alienated myself from people in last 3-4 years and now basically have no friends. My parents and sister care about me and this is keeping me from doing any harm to myself. Without them I'd probably have done it already.
Relationship with my family is not that great though as I don't feel I can communicate openly with them about my issues - I don't have the patience to listen all that fucked up shit about myself that haunts me every day anyways, so our conversations are shallow and they usually end up with me getting angry at them for asking so many stupid questions. They say they are afraid of my reaction and really don't know what to talk to me anymore without upsetting me.
In general I have nice job and no financial problems at all, but still don't feel any form of happiness and satisfaction. People could say I'm full of crap considering I have no such problems and that I can be happy with how things are going. But I can't, I'm angry and nervous most of the time and thinking about all kind of negative things. 
Loneliness is killing me, yet I can't connect with anyone anymore. Seems like I can't find suitable person I can trust anymore. People are so cold, and it seems most of them wear masks and lie so much to keep they social status at good level. I don't care about those things and always say what I really think or don't speak at all.

Life has been really hard most of the time and I can't really remember any good times I had. There are also addiction issues - I can't really stop drinking alcohol and I find myself more and more using drugs on weekend just to feel something good at least. But still can't find any honest person to talk to, so I end up dancing shitfaced alone and can feel people started to avoid me cause the way I behave. Noone wants to talk with me, but they all speak about me behind my back. 
It's really hard being a kind of social outcast, so the thoughts of me being dead give me this strange, dark but calm feeling.
I figured jumping in front of a train would be nice way to do it, but I don't want to leave my family behind so I live day by day.
Almost every morning I wake up and first cry like small baby for some time. People would laugh their ass of if they see me like that.

It's hard living with this ill thoughts of death every day.",5.706170561413508,5.885066167355378,6.132188657737249,80.82392561983474,67.07851239669421,8.989911655742377,28.879737817041892,8.74248658614541,2.062142576232544,1931,59,378,28,29,624,219,484,0.188,0.685,0.127,-0.9837,2,2,4,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,11,1,29,34,5,4,7,0,46,13,5,3,6,87,78,38,6,9,12,2,8,3,1,2,6,6,0,2,20,27,2,4,20,4,0,4,20,13,0,1,6,16,60,21,63,62,16,49,0,0,1,2,33,18,4,11,28,266,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269366126653938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712632087111694,0.06677279371219788,0.06906285848640349,0.07358568916913448,0.05332589307697893,0.055485100580828985,0.0,0.0,0.1813852809719203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839307514040486,0.04662588617439537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233904474556276,0.0,0.0,0.05127465135710848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359743067138498,0.06850119573859277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106480944578739,0.0,0.07324748782995848,0.2150231651290012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920580585785532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823924925164032,0.0,0.06532336805877045,0.07733041647797742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181216322137388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473119991272072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572446872959311,0.0,0.16858313108047945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283952311510768,0.05672001738415785,0.0,0.0,0.05151865865181375,0.0616468064774935,0.034838803019336916,0.06396783651170203,0.03789714595873084,0.16779010612757755,0.0,0.07351758401335629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196931453656855,0.17920300427239166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391982068672157,0.06617199508052883,0.1185407661808243,0.07377419839338839,0.1388789213903832,0.036646904442522964,0.05435505790648748,0.0,0.07060703592224499,0.0,0.0,0.047099752821005016,0.09773296060707187,0.0,0.11776356592728608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760548977787863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049019238311416566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095477757180592,0.0,0.074042916492409,0.0,0.0,0.2311459085007321,0.1164490033641859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189490803247063,0.12761210681003424,0.0,0.0,0.0746995516298263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563107267204961,0.0,0.0,0.07159194494404991,0.07553816291836099,0.0,0.0,0.15908556838108034,0.0,0.0,0.053137241282553135,0.12141030938845092,0.0,0.0,0.06844852777243489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594862338966124,0.0,0.05133537114547481,0.0,0.0,0.047198147604066695,0.0,0.1065053053264802,0.055749474214722906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607903674015265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290247538507602,0.12818217274798002,0.06551512175534051,0.15881513693574625,0.15553218025117468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759218572289707,0.07344124538258873,0.0,0.07866201718882758,0.10585877436877687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128558912619241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473853085235248,0.0,0.0,0.042941280852507965
suicidewatch,plskiII,2018/01/28,"I am a mistake I am a transgender man. 100% pre-transition, but I have spent close to seven years getting therapy for my gender identity, trying to figure out if I'm real or not. I came out to my long-term boyfriend a few months ago, with whom I share a friend group. I've known all of them since elementary school and they are like family to me, always treated me like one of the guys. After coming out, my boyfriend broke up with me. None of our friends will talk to me, even though they've been outwardly supportive of every part of the LGBTQ community prior to this. I came out to my actual family, and they rejected me too. ""Transgenderism is a mental illness"" and all that. ""The fuck do you think you'll do? Grow a dick?"" ""You'll never be a real man."" ""You're my daughter and I think you're hurting yourself. Transsexuals are frowned upon by God. He made you to be a woman."" So now I have nobody. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts from a very young age. I remember reading a book when I was in third grade with a scene where soldiers froze to death in bitter cold, and just wishing that would be me. Every day I think about how I can kill myself but I don't have the means at this point. I attempted suicide a few years ago. Obviously failed, like I do at fucking everything. I've been seeing a therapist to deal with gender dysphoria and suicidal thoughts and with sexual abuse I faced as a child. Nothing has helped. I just wish I could stop existing. It would be too inconvenient for others for me to kill myself, what with the messy cleanup and all. And obviously I am so inconvenient even living as an independent adult that I've been rejected by everyone I love. I fucking hate being alive, I'm a fucking abomination who doesn't deserve love, just a stupid fucking tranny who wants it to end so that I don't have to offend anyone with my existence anymore. I am so afraid. Even if I don't succeed in killing myself my life is falling apart around me. I'm 100% trapped. Do I choose to live as a sad woman who wants to be a man or a man who nobody will ever love? That's not a fucking choice. There's no magical third option where I just *become* okay with my body. Trust me, I've tried that. There's nowhere for me to go.",2.027618335824613,4.311463605381164,3.5412526158445448,87.32634329845541,79.98654708520179,6.924085700049826,23.58824115595416,8.021203637495839,1.3703216342800202,1752,61,357,33,45,577,222,446,0.239,0.639,0.122,-0.9968,0,3,0,0,1,4,61.0,1,4,3,3,24,36,13,2,26,1,39,14,3,3,7,71,71,25,7,10,12,1,1,3,2,6,2,0,0,9,17,27,0,1,10,2,1,6,9,22,0,4,10,4,55,14,54,48,7,40,0,6,1,10,34,18,7,5,19,241,72,6,0.0,0.09685683230799903,0.0797732837050302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492757333379486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802005589972142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107106184004174,0.05715940587214551,0.0,0.0,0.07277216488397177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902831433233684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080249284207012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699358972969746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041780552579838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526833083730127,0.0,0.0,0.052720054784808935,0.08427757157029526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240358170064261,0.0,0.0,0.1619793753975975,0.07394484517421729,0.13775075308916696,0.07811276546209893,0.0734689360701776,0.0,0.15412760004808362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631506493423686,0.4534427273710928,0.04270943557906181,0.0,0.04645870620343498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094238615302476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070824226300459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479329359267923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751185845684367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27132284412272983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774032643377354,0.11981237078328782,0.0,0.14436820431920086,0.0723435260647592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213395880344411,0.07735099169436647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904645225350756,0.0,0.0,0.08238175287789115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524967863845853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304832898674206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843845501588244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055393885503470235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852403908704827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727734169652753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176912584707371,0.18609197437651906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260341984573206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273233225845411,0.0651417783253525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762196641505687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834415568809038,0.0,0.08545971770269185,0.0,0.2682538627266335,0.09276553133305043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570514525099662,0.0,0.0,0.0934848233352499,0.0949145722320612,0.0,0.15714053798936234,0.08031601632556211,0.1297959798096843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100169933127232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744983949497432,0.0964330018393734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880100404024065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614145233542295,0.0,0.0,0.10528478072192364
suicidewatch,InkyEmbers,2018/01/28,"I need some help right now I'm really losing all hope right now. Life is just so hard anymore. I get up and im starting to wish again that i hadn't. I have had OCD my whole life. It is my whole life anymore. And it's held me back from being able to spend time with people. Usually I would go to my great-grandmother's house and spend time with her. I haven't gone recently because of my OCD because i just wanted to stay clean. And now because of that same selfishness im not going to be able to be with her when she dies. She probably has cancer again and she's in the hospital and in a lot of pain. And i can't go. I hate myself and I'm slipping away and i just want to die. I don't know how t put it poetically i just want to let go. And I'm scared to do that and I'm scared to get better. She has been the only motherly influence of my life. She was the only person who ever made me feel loved. And now she'll be gone forever. I'll never make cookies with her again, I'll never spend Christmas morning with her again, I'll never play rummy with her or go to mass with her again. All because I'm such a selfish bitch who puts my mental illness before everyone else. I can't live with myself like this. I can't do this anymore. I just want someone to hold me and let me cry into their arms but my OCD won't let me. I'm so lonely anymore and i just don't know if i should keep trying.",0.5442740471869314,2.265669552631582,2.7824863883847577,93.78447368421057,82.09210526315789,5.772050816696916,19.36433756805808,6.8039241337230125,0.0613027676950999,1080,27,254,12,29,368,138,304,0.108,0.825,0.068,-0.9087,0,2,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,2,22,14,2,2,5,0,28,9,1,4,6,61,60,21,2,10,10,1,2,1,0,4,7,0,1,1,10,23,0,3,3,1,3,9,12,9,0,0,8,2,44,5,30,41,7,38,0,2,0,1,19,8,1,5,21,166,54,0,0.1796861216680278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35640069918694256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441051310626832,0.06908376810017405,0.0,0.21906998396509167,0.0,0.07644982751564137,0.0,0.0,0.07945888628878871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868838362103556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648582551139775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075052348917052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126819213666933,0.0,0.08584889476668836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542735103961068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938785823003689,0.0,0.2552994095305975,0.0,0.0,0.0990522917433676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048173553169753,0.08870142230725338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021990986659637,0.0,0.0,0.08923443127217927,0.0,0.10366682964220283,0.0,0.0,0.1940918456947577,0.0,0.0,0.07985664050856292,0.0,0.0,0.09875079327069904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756118502691505,0.2538352433681236,0.043892781375205886,0.0,0.0793330687176122,0.0,0.0,0.100511404108318,0.0,0.07638135750281952,0.08108687010998533,0.08501167647547554,0.05997094074950503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054067400725932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661749121113107,0.20787752149261549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665939249528214,0.09559935113416436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622858660859713,0.07844749531185766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686601512913012,0.0,0.0,0.18063418191619005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755576533332207,0.0,0.08870918382596969,0.0,0.0,0.15345096611620698,0.0,0.0,0.17989715428706474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612373389290777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359138087801139,0.0957607488494411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477642254214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099754085289506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894943857663807,0.0,0.2119670601333689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200613137881008,0.1033150860688611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382193269313911,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weirdmoshpit,2018/01/28,Everday I wake up everyday thinking about and wanting to die. Sometimes it's by suicide other times it's by other means. I recently graduated from college and I am not happy staying with my mom. I feel like most of my decisions were based off other people's wants and I've never done anything for myself. Now I'm at the point where I don't feel like doing anything for myself but sit around and tell myself I'm relaxing. I'm just naming a few things that don't make my wants of death better. I just wanted to share something with a larger group. I appreciate everyone here and what they do to support and I also appreciate people who share their stories.,3.6752642706131087,5.697036286821708,5.082861169837916,79.5085623678647,73.72868217054264,7.171529245947852,27.231148696264967,8.00094639256281,1.9392108527131788,527,20,93,8,11,176,84,129,0.091,0.706,0.203,0.9366,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,1,8,8,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,1,26,20,8,3,4,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,16,8,17,18,2,13,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,7,69,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875753866487267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28557129673554704,0.15446252785301035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345732447156368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007813330557462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756308840112153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579821735552858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546583079538486,0.24791411312167874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470682359314933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695384646840878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582065321195185,0.0,0.0,0.1890055096388728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321523780765888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382320407435552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24058284248305364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402498899459714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132223520618567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357806753111687,0.17160787265331046,0.0,0.0,0.1849407787370665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897940410281625,0.19689943936911172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165719591274182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527370852955698,0.11117952752364774,0.0,0.0,0.10117628261602926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093676546880998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoThingsGetBetter,2018/01/28,"I'm broken. Nothing is ever enough, but I keep smiling. I feel so alone even when surrounded by people. I put too much weight into a seemingly unattainable romantic relationship and I'm miserable.

I have people who love me. I have family, I have friends, I have a good career, but nothing is ever enough. I'm broken.

In the last week, I've had my heart broken, I've been stood up, and I've been humiliated at a bar by some random girl who was feigning interest. I don't know what's inherently wrong with me other than I'm depressed, anxious, and awkward... I guess that's enough to do it. I'm 22 and have never been a relationship. Outside of that, I've never even had sex.

The shitty part is I don't even know how to get experience. Every girl I talk to runs away when they realize I have no idea what I'm doing. I just want to feel the love that comes from being in a romantic relationship. My friends have suggested that I get an escort to help. They personally know one that is apparently sweet, affectionate, and gorgeous, but I just can't do it. It's not real. I actually want someone to WANT to have sex with me, not because I paid them. I'm so far behind I'll never catch up.

I wake up everyday and think about killing myself. I get this pain and anger inside of me that I don't know how to alleviate other than harming myself or destroying things around me. Though every time I do the latter, it doesn't work and I feel more empty than before. Recently it's gotten so bad I can't think of anyway to feel better other than killing myself.

It all just hurts too much. I keep going because I'm afraid of what my death would do to other people. Like I said I should be happy with what I have, I should be grateful. I've tried so hard to be focused on the good and be happy, but no matter what I can't. So here I am, I try to smile and not bring others down, but it's killing me. I'll never get better. I'm broken.",2.399015151515151,3.9909041035353567,4.40616161616162,84.84590909090909,76.14646464646464,7.123232323232324,22.858585858585855,7.898369717300924,1.0790010101010092,1499,43,313,23,33,514,174,396,0.218,0.58,0.202,-0.9132,2,1,0,0,0,2,52.0,0,0,3,3,24,29,5,3,11,0,40,9,2,2,7,63,79,26,4,6,12,0,6,1,2,3,1,1,0,3,27,16,2,2,13,1,1,6,16,14,0,1,10,8,46,15,39,61,9,32,0,3,0,4,19,13,0,5,14,220,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.08409672182669098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892538079761663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735594492610013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671616639979892,0.0,0.0,0.0809665143556199,0.0,0.07195453849368064,0.10506589966622208,0.0,0.073330629435188,0.0,0.0,0.15243383366911506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423420884673544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422447775700139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671329064940743,0.0,0.1707581014822129,0.1559048038721206,0.1452163710195422,0.0,0.0,0.08429804403820375,0.08124039343162867,0.0,0.1742955532307166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316090782439607,0.0,0.1800965614778051,0.0,0.04897660859072637,0.14456304725701152,0.0,0.0,0.09493413386659784,0.0,0.0,0.18347491279483405,0.07719803322470849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021206468800918,0.05776290200451153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922547007641592,0.09728380738944607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319688489485075,0.2860276108450713,0.0,0.18944340525249484,0.07024609185375863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042101929991227416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555569559101489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670062546705768,0.0,0.2658613279122876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537910000989806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058396043935084525,0.0,0.09169884118874606,0.0,0.0,0.09332173810978764,0.0,0.1792336979726587,0.0752467912063702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663210034525179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808876027460693,0.0,0.0,0.08508979677304354,0.27756686502924643,0.0,0.0,0.08197445222295181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845267831346066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301784062471015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926613856321633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725244256970164,0.11043801046518943,0.08466886869209908,0.0,0.05025074133365681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701761037528124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248900923870076,0.0,0.06912632090674142,0.10494087018305018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273818152504178,0.0,0.0,0.0612179601739528,0.09422147049533236,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6991Throwaway6991,2018/01/28,"Im getting close to the end I've had issues my whole life with anxiety, depression, self hate etc.. you guys know how that goes.

But today I was having a conversation with my partner and suicide was mentioned, I won't go over the whole thing and how it went but he just told me if I do that I need to get my stuff out of his house so he won't have to deal with whoever needs to come get it.

So I think that inconvenience of having my stuff picked up worries him more than me killing myself. He's the last thing that kept me from leaving everything. Now I have nothing.",2.92775894538606,4.16638266101695,3.923333333333337,90.28654425612056,74.08474576271186,7.278342749529191,24.975517890772128,7.793537801064563,1.0687032015065916,446,14,100,6,9,144,79,118,0.18600000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.0,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,3,0,20,23,9,2,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,10,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,6,0,17,0,14,15,4,11,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,4,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215479889394268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368669339844762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638053435257601,0.1368489926008888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072656997569974,0.0,0.1772008136565373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279723640837916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490354302977585,0.0,0.09029904620671744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732294040451664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686784873985926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833340675792528,0.0,0.0,0.17162503993803285,0.16583656889997464,0.0,0.0,0.17578473473550246,0.0,0.08732004571510911,0.12951397160122952,0.0,0.168238209975105,0.0,0.0,0.11222646583836142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356251402269132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245619718396314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575361409517064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36377481067135536,0.1737964020451044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111146976406948,0.1018082641583961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150606135305085,0.1518231736137982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728968187402428,0.0,0.3547829397744968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135728693083914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tjamajama,2018/01/28,"I feel fine during the day, I really do. But when night comes, without fail I just feel like a worthless piece of shit. I interact with friends and colleagues every day, and during the day i’m motivated and I feel awesome. But every night without fail I just feel like i’m worthless. I spend most nights driving around listening to music and crying. I feel like a fucking pussy for even considering I may have depression, I mean I feel fine during the day, and have a good life. I’m in university and my family loves me. 

I almost tried to kill myself two nights ago. I was driving and had this uncontrollable urge to just do anything to hurt myself. To fucking FEEL something.

Ive half assed everything in my life. I don’t even know who I am. I don’t know why i’m at university. I don’t know why i’m still alive. I have noone to talk to because everyone assumes i’m some strong, independent man with his life in order. I am, during the day. Why is it that when the moon comes out I feel this other side of me. 

My dad’s a physician. Ive contemplated asking him for antidepressants but I don’t think i’m depressed.... i just think I get extreme waves of melancholy at night. I don’t know",1.717029288702932,4.033250945606699,3.3944669456066947,87.75335732217577,81.38493723849373,6.334460251046027,22.94912133891214,7.554174236665415,1.0474905774058578,932,32,192,15,25,309,113,239,0.096,0.7829999999999999,0.121,0.114,0,0,1,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,0,4,10,21,4,1,9,0,18,9,2,2,0,44,48,12,1,0,9,1,8,3,1,1,4,1,0,1,6,13,0,0,17,0,1,4,7,12,0,2,2,9,35,9,23,45,3,28,0,7,0,4,11,8,4,5,18,113,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433234157031669,0.0,0.09526498168217994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828883836366596,0.08469122782690586,0.08893933630166145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799403478465635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390251465968614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450245075056644,0.3067743125373629,0.0,0.1638810292811448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256728879504065,0.0,0.16031240010247402,0.09090654409536952,0.08550212038958098,0.0,0.08968577278756677,0.0,0.3848290419245429,0.20389557513787845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350185307371603,0.17590343501744138,0.04970464386695138,0.0,0.0,0.07979557989636074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184507708326926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052539105800478,0.0,0.20913707432839013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015921533432222,0.1394359616299399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586397242785647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363101588366412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463935504984423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094657052296279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765575741100077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324035613816453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597574848159028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764667292051074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191864041165235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459111270241355,0.0,0.09293406775689132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575363818249771,0.0,0.0,0.1834154567283843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yoshiver444,2018/01/28,"Just need a place to vent. No need to read this or anything. I really just need to type this down and get it off my chest. Really nothing for anyone to read and don't need any advice. I can deal with it all on my own.
First things first, I am depressed. So terribly depressed. Every day I think about ending it. It almost feels like my destiny to die by suicide. It just feels like the way I was meant to go out, I wasn't meant for this life. I fight off the thoughts of suicide everyday, I can't stop drinking, I can't stop smoking cigarettes even with an ecig. It's just too hard for me.

I hurt my girlfriend the other day. Not in a physical way, I broke her trust.  On a few isolated incidents, we would get into fights, she would get mad, I would go and drink as much as I could.  On these occasions I made the mistake of venting to an ex-girlfriend who had texted me. I just needed someone to vent to.  It felt like my girlfriend was pushing me away and she was the only one there to listen.  I've always held myself to a high moral code.  I'm an honest guy, I just want to take care of the people around me and be as good of a person as my father is.  But a few days ago my girlfriend confronted me about my ex-girlfriend.  I can't stand this.  I can't stand seeing the pain in her eyes.  I can't stand my reputation being ruined for talking to the wrong person.  I can't stand hurting someone I care so deeply about. My life seems like one short tragic wave of just hurting everyone in my wake, all those people I care about.  She didn't deserve this, she deserves the best in the world, and instead I talked to my ex girlfriend about my problems.  I don't deserve her, and I can't stand still being here knowing what I've done.

Last April I cut my own wrists so badly I had to get them stitched back up and the scars on my arms are still bright pink and raised almost a year later. My dad found me in a puddle of blood on my bathroom floor that night. I cut my wrists again 2 days ago, and I couldn't help but find myself wishing I had done it as badly as I did back in April.  I look back on that night and it was just one of the best nights of my life in my opinion. I find myself craving pain like that again.  I know that with what I've done, I deserve that type of pain again.  I wish I would've bleed out that night.  It is currently 1:00 pm and I'm already drunk, yet I still have so much homework to do for school that I haven't started yet. Even though I am aware of my priorities, I still find myself drinking my days away instead of doing stuff I know I need to, I just can't help myself anymore.
On Friday I thought about what I'd say in my suicide letters to all my family and friends.  I feel like I'm inching closer to letting go everyday.
I'm only 22, but I've been drinking so heavily for years.  I can't stop myself at this point. Once I start feeling depressed I just drink until it's over. It feels like a constant struggle.
My girlfriend walked in halfway through typing this and I could just see the pain on her face. It hurts. I'm just gonna stop typing now because it's too much of a risk for her to find out about this.
I truly feel like I'm coming close to my end. And I truly can't wait. 

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suicidewatch,gaytrashbaby,2018/01/28,"Me over this next week I'm worried that I'm gonna do something, I don't have any pills I can fatally overdose on and I've tried razor blades before and have found I just don't have the physical strength to cut deep enough. There are knives in the kitchen but they're quite blunt however I do have some decent glue I could use to attach a razor blade to a knife or another object I could use to give me more power behind the cuts. I also have cleaning products but I've never tried that before other than white spirit and I just threw it up immediately by reflex so I think that would happen with those too. I've never tried hanging but there's no where realistically to do it from, I wouldn't want it to be in my house because I don't want a loved one finding me but if I did it anywhere public there's the risk of a child finding me which is worse. ",3.8684450651769056,4.486858670391062,4.92805865921788,86.29905260707638,71.23463687150839,7.307448789571693,24.97253258845437,7.1686216300943375,0.9047649906890132,678,18,146,6,12,223,109,179,0.15,0.825,0.025,-0.9577,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,2,1,8,0,20,3,0,2,2,27,33,11,1,7,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,11,4,1,0,4,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,3,1,17,2,17,24,3,13,1,0,1,1,4,7,0,3,4,98,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455108460244716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441714745621165,0.1764269196850581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256487354170828,0.0,0.2863401639788908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26867110433350605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384931971543133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30755860769574783,0.0,0.0,0.1844796624028532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161402674867478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487847111499297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941402483403044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185402268617154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595326701011525,0.0,0.178937938691976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401192738205865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895674046563265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952862985570313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780910470042428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426962444072271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29063145899704385,0.0,0.0,0.19847880868107365,0.0,0.13496162665007552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086809980217718,0.17146318891907422,0.1195214120598521,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acolyte2022,2018/01/28,"I need a girlfriend yeah I'm looking for someone who'd accept me of who I am. I don't care who you are or what you look like. Let's just talk and have a good time. 

Little intro of me : I used to be a straight-A student, played for the school's soccer team multiple times, had friends, was happy.
Now I don't have a single person to talk to, it's been 4 years and things are different now. All I do is wake up and sit on the computer to find anything interesting and put myself on auto-pilot if that makes sense. I have been sitting in my room for 7 months now. Isolated from society and the world that everyone happily lives in.
I mostly listen to Drake, TheWeeknd, PartyNextDoor, Derek Wise, Bones, $uicideboy$, Lil Peep
I make beats but don't seem to enjoy it anymore. Actually I don't enjoy doing anything at all.
I don't wanna live, but I don't want to die either...what a strange way to live.

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suicidewatch,DoubleMewMew,2018/01/28,"Monthly breakdown It comes every month, a moment where all my feelings of loneliness surface up and wonder if it's really just symptoms of PMS. But with each month passing, the feelings become stronger and darker. I no longer feel like I can or want to contribute to the world and to myself. I have tried to make new dreams with the way my life is going, but I can't help myself dreaming my old ones with much more passion. I tried to talk to my s.o. about my feelings yesterday, but I was shut down with the ""stop being a pessimist"", and literally felt a piece of my heart break off and shatter on the floor. My circle shrunk more and it's just around me, in which I don't want to be in anyway.  ",4.793373301358912,5.379865971223023,5.119664268585133,85.86536370903279,69.14388489208632,7.616626698641088,27.67466027178257,7.3871296695380915,1.378318305355715,546,17,111,5,9,173,90,139,0.067,0.8420000000000001,0.091,0.3077,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,8,0,8,5,1,1,1,31,19,11,0,3,7,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,13,0,1,6,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,5,17,2,22,15,6,25,0,0,0,1,2,12,0,3,9,82,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533313115781725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511681630224712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599841958172492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564799079695616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37562916546614494,0.13268077750101906,0.17832351329042168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055508432159726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200830293912029,0.1244864270641276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118187398425016,0.0907350333039463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239717588106435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44472774831714895,0.0,0.13652801039975734,0.0,0.0,0.17937274056043126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948853831722498,0.0,0.12585092874299691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897911503286683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552730123429113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930376425184385,0.0,0.14927737019843842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521878872717164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908885308650144,0.14741852735561492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140901899970856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flowerhatjelly,2018/01/28,"Will I be involuntarily committed? I've made a doctors appointment to discuss anxiety/depression. It's a new doctor, but I've been on and off different medication and had a few therapists over the last decade, so this is nothing new.

I'm currently not on any medication and not seeing a therapist. Additionally, I never found a therapist that didn't just frustrate me.

My question is, how will they respond to my suicide plans? It's not like I just wish I wasn't alive, I actively have a plan to kill myself, I know how I'm going to do it and where to get the supplies (Amazon, not even expensive). I'm not going to do it tomorrow or anything, but the past year I really hammered out the details and had it as a Plan B if things never got better. I'm almost 30 and things not only haven't gotten better, they just get worse little by little. Again, I don't have a date set, but I feel like I'm getting close to reaching the point where it's not worth struggling every day, and that it clearly isn't going to get better.

I want to give medication one more shot before I get too far into Plan B, and see if that gives me the will power to seek out a therapist (therapists, I know I'm going to have to go through a couple before I find one that's not just like ""Herr derr have you tried taking deep breathes? Here, try downloading a stupid fucking meditation app, there's a free version with super invasive ads and almost no content!""). Because maybe it is all in my head, and maybe someone else could live my exact same life and be fine with it. I think not, but it would be a disservice to not try a few things.

My question is, does anyone know if I'm honest with my doctor if they'll have me involuntarily committed? Or would it just be that pointless Contract For Safety and then they give me the medication I want? I've never answered honestly to the suicide question on the PHQ9 before for fear that I'd be forced to do something I don't want to do.",6.418920068027212,5.728577405612246,7.403265306122449,75.23221088435376,65.76020408163265,10.323809523809524,32.95238095238096,9.725611199111238,2.953490136054421,1541,56,303,28,21,522,183,392,0.17,0.732,0.098,-0.9879,3,0,1,0,0,3,44.0,0,1,4,9,15,17,4,2,23,0,34,11,2,3,8,77,71,27,3,11,25,0,1,3,0,6,8,0,0,0,21,20,0,0,11,0,3,5,20,6,0,2,9,3,32,12,33,50,6,37,0,0,2,1,13,17,1,11,17,201,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471940725046289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998075697141313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139109574872258,0.0,0.06048210342835876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480333701951193,0.0,0.187622639593344,0.0,0.0,0.195007450887966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868169880774776,0.0813234827038665,0.0,0.04739974711046309,0.0,0.06330320879769379,0.0,0.0,0.07678914700179666,0.0,0.2256831306977167,0.06431807599890625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139765241727507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048544344034389536,0.0,0.0619247351634369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270501616846708,0.037162497238429015,0.052506562118043415,0.0,0.0,0.06717529831614777,0.0,0.0,0.0805861129884756,0.0,0.06794716828411945,0.19199680785057446,0.21151622933550446,0.20885135022248266,0.0,0.05878259035024586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542954340021685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131399110011757,0.0,0.12117675799591858,0.05991019612692398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191339201386931,0.10772136142524044,0.14732742019143225,0.06489955675741796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695450234265114,0.0,0.0,0.14767604774821064,0.0,0.0,0.2961636202091746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005719333413724,0.14196850699714406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052274408029595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960748997882334,0.05589808980698642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016159121509889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947880590669846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700174893211016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047084320817874864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713583498920276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622741142909119,0.05658189452883933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768354476066738,0.0,0.16078846789958354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526090306388132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266807706536972,0.1464852338078968,0.04709417059536217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969974420388973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005202438464292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451839063594699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490013660922197,0.10442089812333076,0.0,0.0,0.047329920285266135
suicidewatch,grammatala,2018/01/28,"Occassionally feel like life isn't worth living because the world is filled with awful people and events. I think I need help because I really don't deal well with the fact that humans can be so flawed. Most of the time I just try and forget about all the wrongdoings in the world but that feels wrong in a way (although obviously there's nothing I can do) - I also feel guilty that I get to just live my happy life while someone's out there being raped/tortured/beaten right now. these thoughts have started to pop up when I'm just doing my makeup, or laughing with friends, or dancing in the club, enjoying a song, it's a bit intrusive and extremely depressing.



 I think I could be suffering from a different form of depression or anxiety, I know earlier last year I started getting panic attacks after I broke up with my ex boyfriend and my doctor suggested I could have a trauma that stemmed from shock and mistrust I've been experiencing (long story short lol) - I think it might still have something to do with this because I've been more uncomfortable around men since then, I feel like even the sweet seeming ones have bad intentions. I think my ex boyfriend's sexuality frightened me a bit because he did things that made me uncomfortable and that he was ashamed of, I think this rubbed off on me after a while and sex and porn started making me uncomfortable because he was uncomfortable with it and what he was doing. I'm not going to get too much into that or make him sound like a bad person because he's not, I am just grossed out by him and the taboo situation I was in and I think that's led me to not feel as safe around men anymore especially. I can't fully explain why and it's just an anxiety!! the panic attacks have stopped since I've been getting over my ex and the feeling of 'betrayal' is wearing off, but I think that situation has given me trust issues and there is some resentment that's still pent up because I used to mainly have pleasant optimistic thoughts about people, idk.




As well as mistrust I think about really sickening things more often such as assault, rape, child porn, all of the heart wrenching stuff and it makes my blood boil. I don't know how I can truly enjoy life anymore knowing that these things happen and it's just how some humans are. I get angry and I just want so many people to die so I can live life how I want with good people and it saddens me that that can never be possible. I want kids when I'm older but I hate that they'll have to know about these things and there are child molesters and creepy old men and rapists and perverts wandering the streets. I get extremely frustrated about all these things sometimes and it drowns my head and makes me feel like I can't just get by in the world ignoring it. It doesn't happen often but there are times where I really feel like suicide is an up-there option and it's scary and sad. I'm only 19 but I take comfort in knowing that suicide is an option in the future if it gets too much for me. Does anyone else feel this way? :(",6.226638655462185,6.373455865546223,6.2709243697479025,80.3820168067227,65.9747899159664,9.220168067226895,31.453781512605037,8.922882184376627,2.4187949579831933,2420,86,472,36,35,768,254,595,0.27,0.628,0.102,-0.9992,1,0,1,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,1,0,41,43,9,4,25,2,48,15,4,11,6,121,105,53,4,7,21,3,10,5,1,2,5,2,0,9,41,38,1,4,26,3,1,4,10,25,2,1,12,14,56,18,55,85,14,56,0,5,0,5,25,26,0,14,29,315,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049916998461782984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955017742812337,0.0,0.12380710701917574,0.04364529413669253,0.06395634231443273,0.0,0.11113350437649036,0.0,0.1420228026956714,0.0,0.0,0.10423565714848804,0.2663532185533131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629225597481795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967407651426126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435195300208996,0.10752396412331736,0.0,0.06478177682961977,0.06521528405983527,0.0,0.06388919116230564,0.05462388579928626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052143636169131334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122761235551961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840514079871547,0.17837053788100912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822529274780973,0.0,0.26089366742961984,0.0,0.035474544679395044,0.052354669162202765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039504021170543,0.06644691393271418,0.0,0.061626514815488136,0.06406060350212928,0.0,0.0,0.07396762566206942,0.041838598198866664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514993258568975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715211285862408,0.050880373217407605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635547412005287,0.15247552245229978,0.0,0.16535317272869512,0.055239455795683234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059063013912652576,0.16666249412760167,0.06328376206243627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621742024983161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177129916442377,0.0462834045081339,0.04814190808085854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989336992853898,0.0,0.06549895786771706,0.0,0.04229719307406926,0.04747298215305752,0.0,0.1464720993778024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309579708188008,0.054502460122094414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036881458343598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199629430769799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053306068780128786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682453567387345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326841468185888,0.14032467940539964,0.0,0.0,0.052887995395513976,0.048053722022144106,0.06173466319515885,0.0,0.13254292007544247,0.0,0.09969687998434604,0.05218565049823615,0.0,0.0,0.07145560399861385,0.13655400557284106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693183387790102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073443211345535,0.3199681030827991,0.0,0.09910851294055338,0.07279483900202385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042378867861422004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391056539813773,0.0,0.0,0.11045023996167937,0.09909167896549798,0.0,0.0,0.1122455838045947,0.0,0.05632405573169823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824612526310897,0.0,0.04019622975966607
suicidewatch,maddiisboring,2018/01/28,"I just think.. I might have had enough now. Far out. I don't post on anything on the internet. Ever.
But I'm a bit stuck rn & I have no idea what I'm doing. The only reason I'm writing this is because I can't kill myself until I find someone who will look after my cat after I do.
I'm 24, female & apparently have BPD. 
I've had over 20 attempts in the last 10 years.
My life has been hard, so far. When something isn't going wrong, nothing is happening at all. It's all boring. 
I'm tired now. I'm on medication & have been since I was 14, I've had therapy, I've done all the meditation bullshit. I just have had enough now. 
I don't find joy in anything. I don't have hobbies anymore. I don't really have friends. My relationship is a trainwreck. I go out on weekends, get fucked up & pass out at home. That's basically it.
I feel like maybe I'm just not supposed to be here or something. I honestly just don't like being alive. It's like, if I could choose to either be alive, or not. I'd just pick the later option. I dunno. 
Sorry about my shitty paragraphs.",-0.3776165881816809,1.8147281850220267,2.3297189731125627,92.30145374449341,90.93832599118944,4.893149020203556,19.28133070028862,6.48374012150746,0.1355785811939847,826,26,183,10,29,286,125,227,0.156,0.768,0.077,-0.9361,1,0,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,0,1,13,10,2,0,7,0,34,4,0,2,4,32,50,7,1,2,12,0,2,3,1,2,3,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,7,1,0,3,10,4,0,0,9,3,22,6,19,35,7,31,0,0,1,1,4,15,1,6,15,114,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5315081029687927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162284746453418,0.0,0.0,0.2018394323826467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747583136189887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388772791900494,0.0,0.15445687759381546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791558252132246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550012338313174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534333932649742,0.0,0.0,0.1109320936631733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620088995202604,0.0876118231141159,0.0,0.0,0.22417580265419276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474896175210568,0.11337583434676354,0.06407271658754814,0.0,0.1393947485017194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084474022515509,0.0,0.10985857060979916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301480604053393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844212833990788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356795554230006,0.0,0.0,0.09996543849136023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866220665551805,0.17974257849109387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298410587509174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320524570263075,0.0,0.0,0.12354377081605672,0.0,0.13009836666796293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176734093920372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932708857528445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745224654322417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856433597137698,0.1260911543891959,0.0,0.13166613088875193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144650779062846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390984413677168,0.18882374830702248,0.0,0.13728196481020974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024597865987656,0.0,0.0,0.07858077119257831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095307150908706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408419407837405,0.0,0.07897414031251115
suicidewatch,heymanbye,2018/01/28,"A final note I don’t hate my life, I just hate myself, my inability to do things, I’m a failure. I fail in every test, somehow I managed to get to the 11th grade. I’m a dumb person. My parents are disappointed in me. They put they’re trust in me and I just screwed everything up. I’m shy and a coward, I can’t talk to people, because I’m an introvert. I don’t like sports or I can’t blend in with everyone. I’m lazy and good for nothing. I’m not athletic, I’m not good at studying, I am talentless and not worth living. Nobody should see me as a grown person, I hope to die before that. I’m not calling out anyone that has led me to this point. I’m done living. I give up. Thanks to everyone who supported me until now.",-0.5680060728744927,1.5143176987179494,2.513387314439949,91.6667004048583,89.96153846153845,5.5919028340080965,19.748987854251013,7.0608816371341465,0.4695307692307691,555,18,126,9,19,197,89,156,0.253,0.629,0.118,-0.97,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,4,13,4,0,7,0,10,2,0,1,0,17,27,7,1,2,7,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,0,1,1,3,8,6,0,0,1,1,21,7,19,25,0,15,0,2,1,1,8,9,2,3,4,75,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176594040537756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257679577628524,0.0,0.1431867242105386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182410117215055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746393375525402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220025309533266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177606702808968,0.32158141929678963,0.15123164949995593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843332952403931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791495749528702,0.1614214364618199,0.0,0.2822764421641801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322667036859606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671316511216409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885519617303986,0.08220899622460508,0.0,0.29717378313038945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614611231738682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684568045131186,0.0,0.0,0.11665832898892828,0.29385651325186635,0.0,0.0,0.15907103707850564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691594188602845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409066626598998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095259943381332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525032521841435,0.0,0.1549218665623933,0.0,0.0,0.1117921633531462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yesathrowawaysorry1,2018/01/28,"I can only handle so much. My spouse is sick and I can't convince them to do what they have to do to survive until we figure out treatment, feeling alone and disconnected from family and friends,  pending medical bills, and just no direction. At least my son is young enough where he won't remember me.",7.726321839080462,6.999237379310343,7.818965517241383,73.43925287356323,63.13793103448275,11.1816091954023,36.574712643678154,10.504223727775694,3.7811540229885066,240,10,44,5,3,78,48,58,0.149,0.7759999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.5632,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,10,9,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,7,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833685763826918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38246869382854376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489488536216854,0.0,0.18716130893187347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28598055825303004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728918596395608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721062524585681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815192850992931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193130521273904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smuckersjamm,2018/01/28,My friend worries me Shes been recently hospitalized and i know shes been suicidal recently. I've tried to help her and let her know that shes loves and that im always here for her but im aware that my help is not enough and she needs psychiatric care. The hospital she is at now accepts no visitors or calls under 21 and i'm 18. Is their anything i can do for her?,0.7973734177215199,2.7872789113924057,3.048591772151898,90.79415348101269,82.67088607594937,7.494303797468352,22.53322784810127,8.472884824447931,1.3591379746835432,290,10,67,7,8,99,50,79,0.087,0.713,0.2,0.8641,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,0,12,17,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,15,4,5,14,1,5,0,0,0,1,15,2,0,1,3,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826492617183226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630134840957862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876309626055807,0.0,0.21843206098454504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136729397813854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655213703300128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872012469795837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462832145013089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354815129281663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190750181432319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336005534423067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885632001834873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230725065812788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343438975546229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454549652635482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757122168961274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dankwarriorchicken,2018/01/28,"My friend wants to commit suicide My friend called, she was crying, she wants to kill herself, she always had these suicidal thoughts and i always helped her out, she closed her phone and now I cant reach her what do I do, she apologised thanked me and hung up ",1.8447058823529403,4.468325921568631,1.83872549019608,97.01926470588238,83.90196078431373,4.968627450980391,20.264705882352946,6.42735559955562,0.07384705882352982,206,6,43,2,6,61,35,51,0.264,0.546,0.19,-0.789,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,9,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,15,3,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,1,30,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068012554088913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496091185939442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685150580322639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777204113743871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384859087995218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704459053786455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347736863882123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505521809669904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940647020764317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288363966275906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mfbaker3,2018/01/28,I did something unforgivable I took pictures of my classmates butts without their consent and I’m contemplating suicide. I don’t know what to do I took pics of girls in my class’ butts without their consent. They found out and I don’t know how to handle the situation . Normally I would go to my mother for advice but I’m all too embarrassed to tell her what happened. I don’t know if I’m genuinely contemplating suicide or what I just don’t know how I can finish the school year with them seeing me and me seeing them. I feel so bad and wish I could make it up to them somehow but I can’t. ,1.1864698937426184,3.614965008264466,2.993937426210156,88.99142561983473,84.86776859504133,5.771192443919716,23.518890200708384,7.1686216300943375,0.9975237308146396,470,18,97,7,14,156,68,121,0.17800000000000002,0.789,0.033,-0.9532,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,10,2,2,3,1,28,27,11,2,5,7,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,4,3,24,0,14,21,1,8,0,0,2,2,10,3,2,3,2,69,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021782655476494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544254856596772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907766411969807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807640906423526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909918864421745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899699063706333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540368856173688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829241663659357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627411655182633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067059417140268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762910031568429,0.277615996912104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579843939919675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341010550549896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810742529135279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225096720194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870661242241402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003115210299894,0.33582859993566283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374057748270555,0.0,0.0,0.11217355478770212
suicidewatch,Littlefoote7,2018/01/28,Fuck I cant stop thinking about suicide ,-0.0012499999999988633,1.0567613750000011,0.7199999999999989,97.025,122.75,1.6,29.0,3.1291,0.5838000000000001,33,2,6,0,2,10,8,8,0.621,0.233,0.146,-0.7971,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200056268010774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702602119939725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152641099250147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36041581007051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dog_treat_for_human,2018/01/28,"Pros and Cons of Killing Myself Reasons I shouldn't:

* My family would be upset
* There are future episodes of TV shows and podcasts that I would like to watch and listen to
* Coffee

Reasons I should:

* [I suffer from treatment-resistant depression](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7sh6we/am_i_fucked/) and all of the problems that go with that *(unable to hold down a job, for example)*
* **Everything is meaningless** (nihilism, existentialism)",5.369267734553773,7.2407488405797125,3.78283752860412,74.40981693363847,118.56521739130434,6.0903127383676585,28.26926010678871,6.8360192770164,2.9911855072463776,366,17,46,8,19,105,54,69,0.189,0.775,0.036000000000000004,-0.8934,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,7,0,0,2,1,14,9,4,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,10,4,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263543261190568,0.0,0.2764385366717977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665382130826506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290993307405547,0.0,0.3244242215390299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326119589300534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805890088431729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.602994673414708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416615494181775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweet__g,2018/01/28,"i want to get help...i want to go to a hospital...i want to go to therapy - i just don’t have the money i am alone in this world. i’m estranged from parents, my closest friends live on opposite sides of the country now, any people i know in town do not have the capacity to handle my depression, my work community knows me as the extroverted, intelligent, happy facade i use to cover up what a truly unlovable, sad person i am. i know i can change this, but i am in so much pain that i feel unable to make the right emotional moves to talk to the people that are around me. i need professional help but i can’t afford it. i want nothing more than to spend a few days in a hospital, but i know if i go, i will create a financial stress that will most definitely counteract any progress i do make. has anyone been able to seek reduced or free help with any advice to give? i hate having these horrible thoughts in my head and i want to get better.",4.524309153713297,4.721285502590675,6.089753886010362,80.04824050086359,69.62176165803109,9.542141623488773,29.036701208981,9.516144504307137,2.371905354058722,734,25,155,15,12,252,114,193,0.128,0.6679999999999999,0.204,0.8665,2,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,1,1,11,0,16,2,1,3,0,26,39,8,0,7,7,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,6,0,3,4,3,6,0,0,2,1,25,5,27,35,4,19,0,2,0,0,7,13,0,3,2,101,33,2,0.1336836418507339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306341076202092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845593608043733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727283819977336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347471068152732,0.0,0.0,0.1190067838251016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823231753105053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414195672597425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621488962196783,0.0,0.1151415248374778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037610375580082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759446606373551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328365007726534,0.0,0.13968837055633587,0.12824153064865856,0.22792648321352246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230872258732558,0.0,0.13198491971774226,0.13719798427046065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881598160695297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938761337275824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804510495205385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846973801171268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208455486254612,0.09827285859726444,0.09912472653304394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827305982353793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224882032674185,0.0,0.14843986388284816,0.0,0.0,0.18535880983804084,0.11672739964561793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416509970551734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313416007013728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074498474732677,0.0,0.0,0.15287889510122676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612987902178307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545974435378985,0.0,0.0,0.3942503779364542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732328343182436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pleasehelpme0254,2018/01/28,"Sleeping trouble Hey anyone reading. Just made a reddit account today to ask strangers for help with life. Ive been unable to sleep well for a solid 3 months now. Its bad too, i either dont sleep or get just 3 to 4 hours and it's killing me, didn't mention in my previous post but my closest friend cut her wrist again yesterday and got stitches, i asked y and she said she didnt even feel sad or angry she just did it. Thats one more thing thats now on my mind. My mind doesn't stop thinking being quite a dark person, i feel stressed rn, im worried about her tho i cant really think of how i can reassure myself that she's ok like she told me, i know shes not but i feel the same so i cant really think of what to say to her that could make her feel happy even just for a bit. Just let me know of some otc pills (in Australia) or working methods for sleep, or even what i can say to her",0.7011282051282066,2.333995241025644,2.4319230769230766,96.9222435897436,81.2051282051282,5.35897435897436,20.06410256410256,6.139981653823899,-0.1707435897435894,692,18,167,5,18,228,117,195,0.101,0.753,0.147,0.8427,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,17,12,2,1,5,1,15,7,5,3,0,35,32,12,1,1,13,0,4,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,10,4,0,1,9,1,1,0,7,6,1,1,8,7,29,6,18,21,5,13,0,1,0,0,23,4,0,5,9,106,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535965310809067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282525726017468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192988398500308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327736611069127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746920903408282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307430073508254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418937545560099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469048637073693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431702412399208,0.0,0.06378062455067675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763678800751603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995411385328007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182619224879124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022206609907332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186499875974994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506102510594814,0.0,0.13418155910211702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483284623600426,0.08622717747905495,0.05964105849872733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551298894475527,0.08148789558105696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652760386501585,0.0,0.09744135455941454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272309305422157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659364730110346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691681012418215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298447928575962,0.12211086015957626,0.0,0.1564123602849527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612396632289547,0.19416237124474775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886639492449994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206252728640826,0.13983973512494605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110308190636592,0.2346676213184235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157155031246392,0.11665059252142525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097626248830843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887410993316566,0.1239759562398014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jewfro667,2018/01/28,"I’m not sure if this is the appropriate sub but I got a disturbing text from a friend and I don’t know what to do? I went out with my friend last night and we had a lot of fun. So I wake up to a text from him this morning that he sent at 4 am saying that will he the last time we see each other and that he  will be gone forever after this. I’m not sure what to do because while not being friends would suck, I don’t want him to kill himself. He has a history of depression and tried it once so I’m really fucking worried. ",1.3335897435897444,2.2263266324786315,3.4988034188034187,93.1323076923077,77.54700854700855,7.2512820512820495,22.401709401709404,7.793537801064563,0.6595401709401711,404,11,102,6,9,139,73,117,0.229,0.6629999999999999,0.108,-0.9539,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,0,2,11,3,1,7,0,13,2,1,0,2,20,25,9,1,3,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,5,2,11,6,13,15,2,12,0,1,1,1,14,3,2,2,6,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252794785367429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700898003253296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763390161808002,0.18999445972016865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436838762502515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273708853054324,0.0,0.1129451663082628,0.33504281730382546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747207255815852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286104661028355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886579298000125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165758516494375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343304890618693,0.0,0.0,0.16376811752908516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387389185391611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198369155047401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395305732307363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121753185825028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051361549933665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208709528931228,0.0,0.1459913093028326,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DownInIt550,2018/01/28,"Lost parental rights, lost my job, gambled away the rest Im not really sure what to do at this point. i keep seeing myself hanging from the ceiling every time i get more bad news. I tried to distract myself by going to the casino. 200... 300... 600.. 900.. 500.. and 600 more this morning. everything I had to keep going is gone. unemployment will barely cover my bills and i havent seen my kid in weeks. Im not angry. Its the same pattern over and over... just aware of how meaningless all of my efforts have been. i constantly feel like nothing is ever enough.",1.3862526464361338,3.920123899082572,2.7277064220183505,90.44021171489064,85.23853211009174,5.188708539167255,20.31122088920254,6.67199483983844,0.4114031051517295,431,13,85,5,13,139,78,109,0.162,0.7929999999999999,0.045,-0.9075,4,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,1,3,15,19,4,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,1,1,3,4,3,4,0,0,6,3,12,2,13,12,6,15,0,2,2,0,2,7,0,0,5,55,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311710363310684,0.0,0.15384830872885752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991181835868167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038848107103426,0.0,0.0,0.16667253310600086,0.15524589239816305,0.0,0.16559982850148625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931667294546727,0.13163444415646358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626755994577196,0.0,0.20943691827361915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980620058923107,0.0,0.1828483171367976,0.32755517771366416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001948812360139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022802502417069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680118147000512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459746846171747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418401866840555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804083431346392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735591353588785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683031898891266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366163366261847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074427232582885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509955469529233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147801205911208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ARoyalWithSneeze,2018/01/28,"Don’t know who to talk to about this I’ve had the fuckig shittiest time of my life lately. I have been struggling with seasonal depression for a few years now but last July it started and hasn’t gone away. I tried to not talk about it with my girlfriend because she had enough on her plate. I lost nearly all of my friends due to them moving to university but most of them told me they don’t want to be associated with me anymore. I’ve gone to therapy but he kind of brushes it off whenever I bring up this stuff and say that I’m just stressed over not knowing what to do in my career. 

My uncle who lives with us has Huntington’s and I never heard from him until he needed a place to stay. For those who don’t know what Huntington’s is, it’s a brain disease which basically destroys your cognitive functions and movements. There is no cure as of now. 

Last week I got a call from my dad to tell me that my little sister had an ambulance called on her and they didn’t know what was going on. I rushed home and she was surrounded by paramedics and machines and firefighters. 

A few days later, my girlfriend, who I love with everything I have, told me that she hasn’t been in love with me for a long time and that she outgrew me. I gave up family dinners every night for almost 2 years to go into town for her dance in the rough part of town to make sure she was safe, I gave up commitments and responsibilities for her. 

In order to get away from that I flew up to Newfoundland and last night I drunkenly tried to fight a bouncer and almost broke my hand punching a wall. I tried really hard to not use drugs or alcohol to solve my problems but I’ve been drunk every night since I’ve gotten here and I can only eat or sleep when I’m fucked up. 

These past 8 months have been so hard and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I’m not living for myself, I’m only living for my little sisters. As soon as I fly back home I want to end it but I doubt I’ll have the fucking balls to do it. I’m just so sick and tired of feeling like I’m being used. 

Thanks for letting me rant, sorry if this comes across as though I’m just looking for attention, I just don’t know who else to talk to except reddit. ",4.519467020944049,4.5934607396061296,5.363978587058457,85.67575218818381,69.61269146608315,8.541700531416067,26.82471084713973,8.306716005460428,1.478187933729291,1726,48,379,23,28,565,219,457,0.13,0.778,0.091,-0.9612,0,0,2,0,2,0,27.0,1,1,4,1,17,19,4,3,12,0,32,15,3,3,4,65,75,32,0,6,18,3,5,1,3,0,5,2,2,0,27,23,4,1,7,3,0,11,14,11,0,0,22,9,55,8,76,50,6,67,0,3,1,4,44,26,2,7,29,252,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123966290012958,0.17098099564652214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693376580042909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042480986108754,0.06564792674583851,0.0,0.05204366617169267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530647625349868,0.17435436726172213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354280306003558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055059662501596135,0.0,0.07353316260414619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900762622089776,0.08735970152982139,0.07131966363886465,0.0,0.07561670390169667,0.08821495748996838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438638484991802,0.0,0.07672933650935662,0.0,0.08048373313976283,0.0,0.04316804794118257,0.060991751339964435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596033399940905,0.15785519466777692,0.044604792582544885,0.0,0.09704089626853037,0.0,0.06828200112780093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295804568452648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127570673619152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889046830809215,0.2345986988335673,0.20877549229105827,0.09630645700200764,0.0,0.0,0.087301484629106,0.060302723492078464,0.04170979921379479,0.1711358926465768,0.22616245292864634,0.07555398312007844,0.0716933029611862,0.0,0.09319664449890144,0.0,0.15410812280276376,0.0,0.05698832060656819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681453253194709,0.09073986722854832,0.0,0.06330430871515902,0.06584628429293464,0.0,0.0,0.24035530905482835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298627164437846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245255406706132,0.08149987644186306,0.0,0.0,0.08919846149919829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169212289130304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054693262546474775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789344223045207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070622890353675,0.0,0.08543642466734501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557006307539108,0.060428700233794715,0.09099814324660307,0.0,0.0,0.09779650832817144,0.08925224439538577,0.09773368366109383,0.0,0.0,0.08046470850025111,0.0,0.0,0.20586301381352048,0.07462131030423676,0.07860161594102683,0.09763348772815304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388027611899156,0.0,0.09956542760903772,0.09812573671579412,0.0,0.16315849901767465,0.0,0.1738915900380827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269533402324983,0.14747277609505655,0.0,0.0,0.1510687505057837,0.0,0.06848248918777114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995710298036407
suicidewatch,slippyspaghetti,2018/01/28,14 year old girl with chest pains Lately I've been getting chest pains if I think about suicide. I dont know why this is happening but I want it to stop,-0.03500000000000013,2.1723126969697013,1.215378787878791,101.0430681818182,88.6969696969697,4.512121212121213,17.340909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.603781818181818,121,3,29,1,4,38,28,33,0.277,0.68,0.043,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,7,8,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31878777723148904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211136050627404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405330801961681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948680773503445,0.0,0.3068334328596363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854234403166696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5788648920890117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274083189300832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29752926862086915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742897897664567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043556772986062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454421609576896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751622706567968
suicidewatch,Gundham,2018/01/28,"I couldn’t do it. I planned to kill my self last night. I’ve been planning for a while, and I’ve been distancing myself from people to make it easier to do so. 
My best friend helped me through suicidal times before, specifically one time a year and a half ago where he talked me out of killing myself. I love and adore my best friend, and although I can get on his nerves sometimes, I’ve never wished him ill. However, my emotional attachment to him was stopping me from properly committing. So I annoyed him and annoyed him until he hated me. It hurt to do so, but he doesn’t care about me anymore. I was so happy he wouldn’t be too invested anymore because that meant I could properly kill myself.
I was ready to do so, but hesitated, and my parents walked in. They took all the wires, ropes, long items etc out of my room. I regret everything. All I wanted to do was die.
I miss my best friend, but I’m glad he won’t be too affected by this. I just don’t know what to do. ",3.167604690117251,4.395164386934674,4.408120603015076,87.08792629815747,73.47236180904522,8.120737018425464,26.331993299832497,8.648137234880735,1.7041916917922943,759,26,164,14,15,250,112,199,0.17800000000000002,0.604,0.218,0.8826,2,1,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,5,10,20,6,0,4,0,21,2,0,2,4,27,33,17,5,6,4,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,6,9,0,2,8,0,33,11,21,19,7,19,0,3,0,1,19,6,0,0,11,115,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628665518633667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601984535287812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996851741919944,0.0,0.11162787804564854,0.0,0.4130083817309548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375077847936306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473970836707806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361482273009008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756428522079004,0.0,0.0,0.146304779522949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789967414996458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040571796579334,0.0,0.06853819868972166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964775256701864,0.0,0.1295169900777582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792983546147339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404351301135529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354068075922003,0.0,0.07209526735607942,0.10693242694125922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609366633195023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839863531266788,0.0,0.08756630430459643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117714834112047,0.0,0.0,0.12310724905209575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889363859197914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456642502702088,0.0,0.0,0.09094643231196138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368534684740781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974427946218428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967565500041447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349394767664908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054406886696851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152988830683763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457501937015552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737569170257877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508550666855452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447816181935944
suicidewatch,ohlolalright,2018/01/28,"Does anyone feel like they're living in a nightmare they can't wake up from? Throughout my life, usually when the world is upside down in the most unimaginable way possible where things are way *way* out off hand, it's a nightmare. Eventually, I wake up, I let out a sigh of relief, and I'm back to the world I know and belong in. I wake up, things are back to normal, and everything is fine.  

        
Only.. this time it really does feel like a nightmare I can't wake up from. It's been months. For the past few months nothing feels real. I feel like I'm in a nightmare, my entire world has turned and flipped upside down. I don't know how things turned out like this, I don't know how I'm supposed to live like this. My friends, my family, everything. I've plunged myself to a reality I can't live any longer in. It's been months, I no longer recognize who I used to be before this nightmare began. I've lost myself and I can't take it anymore. I can't wake up.          
I've been feeling the kind of tension a person feels in a nightmare for months now and frankly I feel like I'm gonna lose it.       


I want to wake up.    


I want to wake up.


**I want to wake up.**      


This isn't how things were supposed to go.   

    
I don't want to go.       


Please, I want things to go back to how it used to be, please wake me up.",0.25359984842743805,2.2495339633699665,2.0425514715169903,97.1854945054945,84.82417582417581,5.2307187065807765,18.57130226095743,6.48374012150746,-0.21932881141846705,984,25,235,10,29,323,104,273,0.039,0.8029999999999999,0.158,0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,1,2,10,14,0,1,13,0,21,11,10,6,0,33,51,11,0,6,0,0,8,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,18,9,0,0,10,0,0,3,10,3,1,0,6,8,27,10,40,41,2,44,0,2,0,0,4,25,0,1,19,138,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204720834539955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048684583858699,0.06379803384816987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047676802957854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763962048981134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969174153012214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400358256621894,0.0,0.08601417120044444,0.0,0.3229403762481797,0.2607311930951566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049279698807452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556358917754107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501376654291427,0.15043148614762247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330040434258888,0.06444642389156434,0.2674553232326927,0.0,0.24170320121130465,0.0,0.0,0.10207566875505727,0.09960065000110023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131171976629433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939709522317157,0.08754848185957152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939311516125443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710013876856477,0.0,0.07966837810252429,0.0,0.2003110819306942,0.0,0.10286084911214777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103852567210915,0.058451508952920825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860209755767988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30308330553435664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053203531955565965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984886533600652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760636485906404,0.1004893942657789,0.0,0.2690823942952769,0.2172692754313935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BuddermanTheAmazing,2018/01/28,"The world is against me Thanks to the asshats at my school, I can't walk from my 3rd to 4th period without something. Girls think I'm starring at them, People starring at me. I can't take it anymore. I just tried to cut with a fucking Spruce Goose pocket knife I got in Oregon. Every 2 fucking days I get my principle never believing me when I say I didn't do those awful things people accuse me of. I can't fucking handle this. I've lost 6 of my closest friends because of this bullshit. Fuck, I don't even know they were close because apparently they hated me. Does everyone hate me? I don't want to talk to my family about my sexuality or personal problems at school, why would I want to talk about my depression? Should I see a therapist? Would anyone understand? Am I lying to myself? I can't fucking do this anymore. I just...can't. I just wanted somebody to love, but I always get so close and fuck it all up. Why even try anymore?!",2.5385607008760966,4.5427416170212815,4.100600750938675,85.36029411764707,76.97872340425532,6.763954943679599,26.484355444305372,7.724431198458867,1.5848331664580724,736,29,145,11,17,245,109,188,0.166,0.787,0.047,-0.9533,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,3,1,8,15,9,0,4,1,15,7,0,0,2,21,38,5,0,7,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,4,2,34,3,23,31,1,15,0,2,1,7,10,10,6,1,4,94,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926705221578161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191841559700999,0.07501392936421808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079597971197046,0.0,0.0,0.12086985151970557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918788614688097,0.0,0.09240165760420828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388302661252927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417172349168489,0.0,0.09038954398172044,0.10251235787727192,0.0,0.0,0.10113573371410396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288565297379111,0.5950817753042679,0.11210062577905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580305627144982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118371348284966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895927191574316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711075832828452,0.0,0.09682601354919383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274233829026198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487513849130764,0.0936743301802554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026541943938838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531479376620198,0.0,0.21714981929848906,0.08548970520945907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259077137084576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066256262185137,0.17245809502459555,0.0,0.09877066817347413,0.0,0.12456243917189548,0.0712732612636154,0.06874184593728466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456746008096967,0.0,0.0,0.11168413785885252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983275660367024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936102767428421,0.0,0.0,0.10341582736132823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241982607787552,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moralized,2018/01/28,"Hi im Marco and today my life will fall apart I try to keep it short.. So I lost my Job like 3 months ago and I didnt Do anything to keep up my life afterwards. Didnt get a Job, didnt even go to the social department where i wouldve gotten money. Today my dad will Come to my Apartment Not knowing anything. Im jobless, soon to be homeless because i can't pay Rent and have some obvious mental issues. Please help me, I Dont know what to Do when my dad arrives. I really Dont want to live this life any longer since I crashed It completely in the last few months and wasnt able to Do anything about it.. Well lets See what happens today..",0.96025266704099,2.7651168613138672,2.817810218978103,93.63043234138128,81.11678832116789,5.675238629983156,21.487366647950587,6.67199483983844,0.3161548568220094,498,15,113,5,13,166,86,137,0.033,0.88,0.087,0.7006,4,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,15,3,0,0,1,13,27,6,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,2,0,3,4,8,1,1,0,6,1,15,2,11,17,2,20,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,1,11,63,21,3,0.13127363614527046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636615784481467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089270574143579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240810519265886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002319015631776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130806137770299,0.1376379099128713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077034477744611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670499860280231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858505676638055,0.0,0.0746058326234893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608484290542158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798995117868548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28359610741190805,0.13701557017426022,0.2605376560396594,0.2333640789303105,0.0,0.0,0.14428911464653404,0.10700553431721488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423618701950074,0.2781673542961412,0.06413366773309268,0.0,0.11591702576077825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330068101010907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322929493456962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095627278952241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409903175442704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409725276822508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460809195281393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085909083636931,0.0,0.0,0.1338169403712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732961729269923,0.0,0.0,0.08912618191484951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742859178111375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803076422451547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuantumGrad,2018/01/28,"I feel like shit everyday. I don't even know what to do. At this point I feel like ranting but I don't even think it's worth the finger energy to type it through. Grad school is so stressful. I think I'm too young for it. Everyone thinks so. Who am I to do what they're capable of? Everyone there either is motivated enough to work 16 hours a day or is a fucking genius. 

Nobody likes me, I can't *get* people to like me. I feel ugly, I feel worthless. I just want to be worth something to somebody. I wish I could have just one person that could actually make me feel like I mean something. If I had that, maybe I'd feel like I had any self worth. I know people always say you need to fix your own insecurities on your own (rather than be dependent on other people), but I don't even know where to begin. 

I wish I was pretty. I wish I was somebody. I wish I could make a *difference* but I just know that I can never achieve any of those things. I can never be a celebrity. I won't be able to change how I was raised, and how my social anxiety was a slow demon that grew inside me over my entire adolescence. 

I don't know what to do. 
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suicidewatch,Sabrirossi,2018/01/28,"I am close Im close to deciding to kill myself. I have been depressed for a long time now, cant remember the last time i was excited or passionate about something. I'm getting kicked out of college next month and i then have no place to live and almost no money left. I have wanted to drop out for a long time but everytime i mentioned it to my parents they just told me to keep going and that dropping out is not an option. I dont want tell them that im getting kicked out and they definitely wont let me move back home anyway. I dont see any better option than to kill myself and stop being a burden. Just wanted to write this out as i thought it might help me somehow before killing myself.",2.5268750000000004,4.150521270833334,3.9219444444444456,88.31750000000002,75.875,6.466666666666668,23.805555555555557,7.1686216300943375,0.8800805555555549,549,17,114,6,12,181,90,144,0.217,0.7120000000000001,0.071,-0.9701,1,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,3,1,7,8,3,0,5,0,14,1,0,0,0,31,25,9,3,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,12,0,2,3,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,4,1,19,3,19,17,0,25,0,1,1,1,9,9,0,6,12,79,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626548743810873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253976189864688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463790672755856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579492753377285,0.0,0.0,0.12035260613036837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720638550771598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189718904086322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219343571730686,0.0,0.0773379812268698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912122410958504,0.0,0.13650036120367176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939817124181531,0.0,0.0,0.1209550655805952,0.4516604688322801,0.0,0.0,0.11092419604724583,0.0,0.0,0.14785242940401264,0.1391520655505981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201620362231455,0.2408548458574272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436046045004675,0.0,0.0,0.1086185740839096,0.14463259137324966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472371151821753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511018716794258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217570542220506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415327138498006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843895667586499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104761819643267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376982833803073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894081191220407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803313167922822,0.2380498161300517,0.0,0.0,0.13003124887795595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407923388970553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LunaticPieceOfShit,2018/01/28,"How to make friends? It's something that I don't understand. For normal people it's easy, but for me it's something incredibly complicated and impossible to do.

Edit : I'm 20",1.3641176470588228,4.059276588235297,4.414941176470588,75.52123529411767,91.94117647058823,7.425882352941178,27.388235294117646,8.238735603445708,2.804312941176472,140,7,25,4,5,50,25,34,0.0,0.867,0.133,0.4588,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31706706834207204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27393917903181864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020960454371424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845134461396222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318780829040417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272315038938701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,houseofghosts,2018/01/28,"Looking for advice I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I've hit a bit of a rough patch recently. It's a multitude of things, really. To name a few, I've been pretty uncertain about my future. Not really knowing is scary. I've had a breakup recently, too. I'm losing friends as well. My life is changing kinda fast and it's a lot to handle. I'm nocturnal now. I can never willingly go to sleep. So I'll take a decent number of sleeping pills with alcohol so I blackout. Just because I can't lay in bed willingly. Drinks with those pills is a slippery slope. I don't know if I should tell anyone in my family, any friends or anyone. ",0.7699491094147568,3.073981465648856,3.2190534351145077,87.5386055979644,85.48854961832059,6.852111959287533,22.473791348600507,8.021203637495839,1.4460530279898225,496,18,102,11,15,171,87,131,0.068,0.8029999999999999,0.129,0.7605,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,8,0,11,7,2,0,1,17,20,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,0,5,4,2,1,2,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,2,3,8,4,14,14,3,10,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,5,6,60,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508453899975585,0.0,0.19148008768890531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218429191377976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505620764125607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922142241051262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560912196541388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895399309589384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552008210468847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890715933487252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768552652813099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182742206778676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925606433896566,0.0,0.0,0.19693619198713969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655429026279968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045912601344885,0.20044733334052103,0.0,0.15232539595078773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818828226273305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228206083096432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956399389275775,0.0,0.3538209320320929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35860224746855224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471484130072778,0.0,0.15660398763371555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903373470944265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216458422082719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109690118100914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,az221,2018/01/28,"death i’ve been suicidal since 6th grade with my first attempt in 7th grade, i’m in my freshman year of college now. i’m trying really hard to get better but nothing works and i always revert to drugs, alcohol or sex. i don’t know how to NOT want to kill myself because it feels like a part of me at this point. i just want to stop feeling like this",1.3590926640926642,3.25119687837838,3.0436679536679527,92.0698648648649,80.21621621621622,5.850193050193052,21.382239382239387,6.868970318607317,0.4278131274131272,275,8,60,3,7,91,57,74,0.146,0.6679999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.7426,0,0,2,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,4,3,4,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,13,10,4,3,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,7,3,11,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,6,33,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631616723998036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399432954709505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479619858168027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556774728151616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564356554195238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236156362799868,0.3159445454262822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808944133199534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552907242959948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808522936045272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446428686110361,0.0,0.12152492366947648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160617339707232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121761111551272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394576276831461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903529828902392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416588111793049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291749703259974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487101984789708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418756692073792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501298622655889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608513810368973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098217218658353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239772655437194
suicidewatch,anotherthrowayy12773,2018/01/28,"The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I haven't found a foolproof way of doing it. The only reason I haven't made an attempt is that I'm afraid it won't work and will have terrible effects on my body (e.g. loss of motor function, brain damage, etc). Once I find it or stop caring enough to do it, I'm out.",7.271739130434785,4.387030956521746,7.916231884057975,79.2726086956522,65.52173913043478,9.779710144927538,31.69565217391305,6.42735559955562,1.819730434782608,252,6,54,1,3,85,49,69,0.183,0.721,0.096,-0.6362,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,1,6,1,1,4,0,10,2,2,4,0,10,15,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,6,1,5,11,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366682073068235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490319555561555,0.0,0.2502776267014928,0.0,0.0,0.2285834439676375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316550885947992,0.2500385474574386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491169200568185,0.0,0.0,0.2458200734280944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248040394575438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214030719794572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387621334055147,0.0,0.3410233359390014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610230272300364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874384525041799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779568787971869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321784377151466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hyakutake0828,2018/01/28,"Maybe I can die now? Always, always ask this. Only thing I want is for my body not to be found.",-2.005714285714284,-0.14806204761904596,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,98.04761904761904,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.5074571428571426,71,0,18,0,3,24,19,21,0.17600000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.059,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5389748630850095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027765810538969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35974875718628113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361279816244322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551089084519357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253729344649149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463192344163057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151661518872687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910280845691925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DuskToDarkness1830r,2018/01/28,"Can someone please just tell me it'll be alright? A few days ago, I came up with a plan. I was going to get home, find the box cutter my dad got for Christmas, and slit my wrist in the shower. ...I couldn't find it. 
I feel marginally better today, and I'm not in any danger currently, but I know I'll get to that point again. I have a therapist, but she'll tell my parents if I'm suicidal, and I can't explain why I feel this way. (I'm closeted trans and my family is very closed-minded)


I just need someone to lie to me and say that it's gonna be fine and then maybe I can sleep tonight. I'm sorry for distracting from the people on here with real problems, I really am, I just... really need to hear this, please. ",1.3244193061840122,2.7451025882352984,3.4222222222222207,91.4892307692308,78.67320261437908,6.7991955756661655,20.91955756661639,7.61054688173877,0.5770637506284566,548,14,127,8,13,187,94,153,0.098,0.818,0.084,-0.7234,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,1,6,1,12,2,2,0,0,27,29,10,1,5,7,2,2,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,4,19,3,14,20,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343544363375588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307032467795152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404813169155208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335154221485768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774776574757618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288327853822042,0.0,0.15327301498851467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770578209427164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837433861682051,0.0,0.08613865728032902,0.0,0.12122146681924414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708263072814653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203342065359074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329690963000341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226878413696815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153038820519425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476907623333967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829651010451013,0.0,0.0,0.10507703253314674,0.0,0.0,0.3327487054092289,0.14327920417723347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502854047770106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251570387310491,0.19419458719742488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053165576062948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167582301202778,0.0,0.25684337604839896,0.0,0.0,0.16966613512575734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578900155873233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649513646831481,0.0,0.0,0.17598023011243613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366719050011958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505812328112614,0.0,0.12030632458968853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676506850640266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Followyourtoes,2018/01/28,"Fuck this shit. Just let me fucking die. I am a worthless piece of shit. I got married in 2012 to a woman that I thought I loved. She doesn't even talk to me at this point. she is sitting 5 feet from me right now, and if i reach out to touch her she gives me the look of WTF am i doing. 

also, i flirted with a chick on my sports team and she flirted back, but then reported me to my university for sexual harassment. so now i have a meeting with the dean of students for a code of conduct violation. i have been removed from the sports team, which was the only thing keeping me somewhat sober.

i am 28, and an iraq vet who deals with ptsd. i hate my life.

my dad is an alcoholic, and every single day i fear becoming him.

my life is shit. i am 8 beers in right now. i am completely done. i just want to fucking die. i fucked my school career by being a drunk piece of shit and flirting with someone who decided that it was sexual harassment. i am done. i cant go on. but luckily hawaii has strict gun laws or i would have smeared my brains on a wall by now.",1.0832818532818536,2.9068812792792813,2.937361647361648,92.83202702702705,80.8018018018018,6.390733590733591,22.73359073359073,7.447530270364453,0.7614617760617755,812,27,187,12,21,271,127,222,0.274,0.6779999999999999,0.048,-0.9958,0,0,2,1,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,10,18,12,1,13,0,24,16,6,0,0,23,37,12,2,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,9,10,3,1,2,6,0,2,2,14,0,0,7,2,38,4,27,27,4,21,0,1,1,5,18,11,8,3,7,135,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304287018284686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759912770787094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384486517187646,0.0,0.0,0.1347888174029921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624228299918398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279615790069238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078708755325603,0.12582275923722572,0.0,0.0,0.25332632589187204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497882667538587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806093941417092,0.0,0.10282795005684367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733425342193387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513135507730839,0.0,0.11707642731626447,0.06936083344822135,0.0,0.0976103207998202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204939053832082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084789649970789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479900676897535,0.172407606336777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248683673084176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101501351467518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092820517871824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537171963557258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266376010562526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084510677644022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351578396165652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011086523264727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340810497193673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809493222841006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108109662645874,0.0,0.0,0.09688988430291873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719851447240503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669707564172552,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Internal_Terrors,2018/01/28,"I called a friend. A few days ago I had just enough. I started beating myself up, and I couldn’t stop. It was the closest I’ve been to actually killing myself in just over a year. 

As I was about to jump, I called my friend who helped me through the night. I thank him for me being alive, however every night after the thoughts can’t leave my mind. 

If anyone is open to having me DM them when Its bad (such as now) please please let me know! I need to talk to someone. ",0.7720408163265304,2.7795384489795936,1.9585306122448998,98.47575510204081,82.87755102040815,4.736326530612245,18.983673469387764,5.6839178017228535,-0.4866440816326532,360,9,85,2,10,114,69,98,0.14,0.7020000000000001,0.158,0.202,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,15,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,18,3,14,7,2,16,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,10,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.17761563237614655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613409990843788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726571539621578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197085664322071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717053869827721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738147703851486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806511948310808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335138522497624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812411511087614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199755406109615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136724267715608,0.0,0.10002800790723894,0.0,0.0,0.19272244832068,0.0,0.1861176902986391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377834684418576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349582057404017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416083560881081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995849339866621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542165931750075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288277073757007,0.0,0.0,0.15216861921641756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629284870952913,0.0,0.1675704746011535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444957131200865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720855679361505
suicidewatch,piconyannyan,2018/01/28,"I need help. As of this writing, I am not in the moment of suicidal, but I have been contemplating in the past few days and I really need help. I feel I have a walking depression as I can still handle myself and show them that I am happy where in fact I am not. 

Background: I am a gay man, 26, lives in a country where bigotry and tolerance to LGBT people are part of its culture. I am in a purely conservative family, which adds to the problem of coming out to them - meaning anytime I can get kicked out for being gay and lose my inheritance. This means I have to get myself my own space to live before I decide to come out (or even not necessary anymore at that time). 

-

I recently deleted (not deactivated) my Facebook account in the hopes of looking forward to newer encounters with strangers - meaning I've cut ties with all of my contacts there (regardless if workmates, playmates, or just friends from the past) because they add up to my envy and insecurity. I did it when I am in the verge of taking my own life and at the same time, I cannot do it. They just know me when they need me, and afterwards they don't fucking care anymore. 

Every night, I always feel like I have no friends to talk for what I am feeling. I've tried reaching out to some of my ""trusted"" friends and all they told me is that ""You better sleep"". There's also the time where I almost cried when I am sharing what I feel and they tell me ""don't cry, you're not a woman"" or ""You're not gay to cry"". I always cry for help but there are no words. So every end of the day, I have no friends to be with me - just me. I've tried to be in a relationship but never worked out as I am desperate to just have a hug and a companion, rather than sexual encounters. It's very difficult to be like this. All I wanted is someone whom I can share what I love without being judged because of my depression and suicidal thoughts. 

I'm always afraid to ask for help because all of them are having a great time and I don't want to be a downer for them. I feel useless, empty, and no longer worthy of living.

I don't know what to do in this time of my life. ",4.736184046899981,4.6926979861431874,5.866200923787531,82.66714292058981,69.13856812933025,8.78624977793569,29.81781844022029,8.502166056373571,2.0166362408953638,1640,57,348,23,26,549,188,433,0.13699999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.18,0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,10,3,18,26,2,2,19,0,39,9,1,0,7,77,68,28,2,10,19,0,5,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,17,25,0,1,12,1,2,4,17,10,0,0,4,6,61,16,62,58,10,46,0,4,1,6,34,23,1,7,23,257,78,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353699480154246,0.0,0.0,0.0667140702837693,0.20824612695231826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654682030938046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799009397882788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525633227481911,0.0,0.07098760251987707,0.0,0.0,0.07378166857716714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505623564334405,0.0,0.0,0.14372462234616815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665489891856662,0.10760304027423824,0.0,0.1437057820134055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388882228531225,0.0,0.0,0.05510070543251745,0.0,0.14057648358828426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864463733507164,0.0,0.21090817624611571,0.059598057612869175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578124221387978,0.07712406005413726,0.0871710990336071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197515473167632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880630291984755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366915213867,0.0,0.0,0.08285876559944792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169519787063872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784954883034865,0.081513416550678,0.0,0.22099452144567874,0.0,0.07005507312819115,0.09333001571646724,0.0,0.0,0.07529333540707922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726192819949362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557331549242426,0.06434166192424619,0.0,0.0,0.0782876877714362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033996438359752,0.15927512245221276,0.05783563479476255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982541474265371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344349261446349,0.0,0.0823710462919259,0.08956605827218662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348415724579443,0.0,0.07068480779519122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066622441886609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250443348054105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272439770739847,0.06705297841140404,0.07291617395720912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622926559875297,0.24322576252230166,0.0,0.0,0.07971512057658436,0.0,0.11327871691716665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883346219283458,0.0984111665194791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041767176504729,0.0,0.060733599687097024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Olaf_tha_Berserker,2018/01/28,"Finding reasons I've been thinking about these things for a while and can't come up for a reason, outside of family anguish, to be here. Why is it so taboo to end something I hate. I didn't ask to be here and now I'm expected to like it? Why? The excuse is"" your life could be worse""...Why does it have to be? Why do others suffer? Why do I HAVE to live when every waking moment is full of anxiety and stress? I wish I could make my anxiety a backseat to everything I think is wrong but I can't. It's consuming me slowly.",0.29527027027026875,2.34813827927928,2.6877702702702706,92.26787162162165,85.12612612612614,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.4683567567567573,403,12,90,6,12,138,70,111,0.142,0.812,0.046,-0.8364,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,2,4,0,18,2,1,3,0,16,26,7,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,10,1,13,18,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272545132092318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885820450299313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794793533187387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718285768308714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998213562355512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315560563135688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514536853688635,0.0,0.13349178678629495,0.0,0.1400235924462625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575637331612306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466454809931972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491317497650726,0.0725656688412534,0.0,0.13115726578162518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914685946480642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054331042771076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143478777040898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701439271092408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867865413133113,0.19034776069823056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6701391656653194,0.0,0.17080549664627856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239740142850606,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tarqee223,2018/01/28,"Attempted suicide before, lost my girlfriend and might have to try again Hello anyone that cares!  
  
I literally have nobody to talk to about this because nobody actually cares about me, I'm sure other people are in a similar boat right? Like I can't be the only person who isn't actually cared about. I'm a 19 year old kid going to university living in a torn home with parents who are going to kick me out because they don't care about me. I had a girlfriend, which hey that just ended today what a surprise! As a precursor, I have issues dealing with stressful events. I was sexually assaulted as a child, as well as emotionally abused. Turns out, being raped doesn't help a kids mindset, who would have thought!  
  
Anyways, today my girlfriend and I decided to have sex in her house. Her parents came home, oops! They kicked me out, she was crying, and I put on my shoes and left. She has to talk to her parents this morning about it, but I know I won't be seeing her again. They were upset, she was crying hysterically. It's funny too, we've only been dating for 7 months, and I've only been happy 7 months out of 19 years on this earth. She was my only friend, only person to support me, pretty much my everything and I threw it away. It sucks too, I've attempted suicide before after my first break up but wasn't successful and I'm still here. Not for too much longer though, I don't think. I really, in all honesty, would not be remembered. I don't think one person would care if I tried to shoot myself in the head again. I've always seen suicide as an escape route, because that's exactly what it is. I don't care if its ""cowardly"" or ""selfish"", because I'll be fucking dead. Like yeah, a dead person is going to care they were selfish.  
  
I literally have nobody. The only person who ever truly cared about me was her and I ruined it. I never can hold down something good in life. It always ends, one way or another. I've never truly been successful. Really, some people weren't meant to be here, and I'm one of them. Will just have to see which direction the wind blows tonight! Hopefully east, because I always wanted to visit Europe. Won't matter if I'm dead, though.  
  
Thanks for reading, just wanted someone to know about my life.",3.4568838383838383,5.2176427590909125,4.784848484848486,82.52671717171718,73.68181818181819,7.161616161616161,24.267676767676768,7.8897218956490685,1.3629191919191914,1754,53,332,25,36,582,203,440,0.2,0.6729999999999999,0.127,-0.9901,3,0,1,1,1,3,66.0,0,0,5,6,24,31,4,2,14,1,46,7,2,0,6,52,82,23,6,9,12,3,0,2,4,7,2,0,2,8,23,16,0,1,8,1,0,7,15,10,1,4,19,3,47,21,50,50,4,48,0,2,3,3,40,18,2,8,23,225,70,3,0.0,0.07553718773065378,0.1244279698918032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914345770491886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685085154131491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457776151719458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989828611421472,0.0,0.0,0.1943169768743395,0.0,0.10849865670522033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291674503108067,0.520005577544133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005992430919598,0.0,0.06572681135126543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171383620485221,0.1129329302428878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766847333884659,0.0,0.0,0.057297318981658275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054228490129815926,0.0,0.0,0.049255610295027036,0.0589388612834443,0.0,0.0,0.1086973400405848,0.05347320948084134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786653043439779,0.0,0.0,0.06542923726488797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042732466113794436,0.0,0.12789943519811114,0.06332137193445524,0.0,0.07356270201372711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654183950669251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700742484752738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926810320020291,0.0,0.09006162546360663,0.062293244772741965,0.0,0.056295296326226416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959421403601733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676321336943231,0.0,0.0,0.10177448729697967,0.0,0.09373196284259974,0.0,0.09834088828408316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668983215992855,0.0,0.12960257615384782,0.2909233609884068,0.0,0.0,0.21237135061137305,0.0,0.0,0.08839696597963513,0.27833443644736183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485998482233317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408963476386921,0.0,0.0,0.06377051223439358,0.0,0.08168394131469664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222001528135791,0.05444493543926035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160618763214307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401793005403652,0.049080374017134144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091343554738772,0.0,0.07302914358301968,0.0,0.0,0.20920715560693887,0.07234644359373471,0.0600866927754918,0.0,0.0,0.10248491042762536,0.0,0.05869543600833325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170102913994845,0.12527450791845068,0.05061296689112637,0.0,0.0,0.12086127143933832,0.0,0.0,0.08656855692064003,0.06934523934085086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520664871846781,0.05060437007742343,0.0,0.0,0.057321836926205225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358654595548923,0.0,0.0,0.08211001802415814
suicidewatch,__help__me__,2018/01/28,Help me Not one person in life cares about me I might as well be dead. There is not a single thing in life that gives me hapiness anyways.,0.9440229885057472,3.0358190344827563,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,82.79310344827587,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5159747126436782,108,2,25,1,3,34,24,29,0.123,0.655,0.222,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36043984368362536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391310836624274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369587415429546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994069233996328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750316034977984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395560576382391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086822914128228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348647015781373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178592666473646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yarinn4,2018/01/28,"Please remind me why I need a reason not to do it, please remind me why, I know it's wrong but I don't want to go on living, please give me a reason not to kill myself",0.5284615384615385,1.2212238974358982,3.0953846153846136,96.02461538461542,79.25641025641026,5.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.4683230769230768,128,0,33,0,3,45,24,39,0.083,0.638,0.279,0.8391,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,7,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592878719684928,0.1160761759475449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259649537309596,0.0,0.11224677796674952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035057855902653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514438213003488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6725934411138046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199922645472922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046799193720785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685956260906924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330798930253995,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aethericbeing,2018/01/28,"Help...being harassed by some God Keeps slapping and mistreating me...going on for 3 months...drops emotion from me ..is from some dimension of soul...is a big god...  
  
some examples...
wants to have me as son and refuses my no..  
  
im really in great distress ...plz plz help...not working...wife and kids left me coz i have been into spirituality for a few yrs wholeheartedly and have been dangled the carrot of livelihood by the devas
  
contemplating suicide...have tried thrice but failed..plz suggest painless method",3.6680219780219794,6.59950420879121,4.29746153846154,80.46003846153847,78.34065934065933,7.156483516483518,27.78131868131868,8.238735603445708,2.291135384615385,397,17,69,8,10,126,67,91,0.054000000000000006,0.8340000000000001,0.113,0.4602,0,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,8,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,13,6,4,5,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,0,38,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758440826415697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898901440090032,0.0,0.0,0.3683724529201391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4479120174152489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609108281695181,0.0,0.0,0.2969844112473126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630262733293909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140481364173122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268479946359433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970747584566312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kick_his_ass_sebas,2018/01/28,"My friend keeps talking about killing herself. I work with a co-worker who has a shitty life. Everyone, except me, at work bullies her. She dates men who hurt her. She has attachment issues and is bipolar  (I think). She is super paranoid that people are always out to get her and she has major image issues. Ive become sort of a cheap therapist for this girl. I'm a dude who has no romantic interest in her and it confuses the hell out of her because she's never had plutonic friendships with a man. I think she is starting to develop a huge crush on me, but I've been trying to be gentle with the whole scenario. Truth be told, she is not my type.

Well she called in sick to work for the 3rd time this month. She woke me up with a phone call super early in the morning and told me that she has been drinking for 24 hours. Being the friend I am, I stayed on the phone for an hour just to listen to her problems and then I took her shift without hesitation.

Unfortunately, while I was at work, she decided to get shitfaced at a bar we frequent together. She didn't text me saying where she was tonight, but I make my rounds after work just  in case I saw her alone with one to many drinks. 

Of course, I see her there. Barely sitting,  yelling at the waitstaff, making a scene. So I paid her large as hell tab, called an Uber, stayed up with her until she sobered up and mellowed out. Then I walked home. 

She is safe tonight, but I can't help but feel like complete shit for not being by her side tonight. I've never really had someone who is suicidal in my life before and I honestly do not know if I should escalate things. Can you guys help? I need advice.",2.7765186615186583,4.506835042042045,3.753919991419991,89.33131756756758,75.45645645645645,6.67906477906478,24.20516945516945,7.447530270364453,0.9887709995709996,1291,41,270,16,28,415,184,333,0.147,0.733,0.12,-0.8661,1,1,2,0,1,0,40.0,1,1,0,7,7,17,4,1,18,0,29,8,1,2,3,46,49,18,2,4,12,0,2,1,2,1,4,3,1,4,10,17,3,2,5,3,2,2,9,7,1,1,13,7,56,10,46,31,2,43,2,1,3,0,52,20,3,3,19,187,66,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188701351095272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798758522630104,0.0,0.0,0.08675722608472325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635592645952644,0.11515302322733055,0.08872223802423357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194001165934947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093203647268078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428093855698884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963012766836067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271975598535057,0.07448727475801672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111049162561722,0.0,0.10894881250748173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323921088314927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977389748561375,0.0,0.10458677072511516,0.0,0.20536097648719295,0.0,0.11161834533666974,0.0,0.0,0.21765212962305994,0.0,0.09267594312841053,0.11535429768051787,0.0,0.0573015771935672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729157417940694,0.050938843464622734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391960257497294,0.10570882452819068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322370581314778,0.0,0.0,0.07731152710059418,0.16083192110958533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065298292934102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722845507440086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976797631949592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679513188600934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291608905438208,0.0,0.0,0.0830860826998626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702700971891917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834379693476956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379963845430905,0.22226624255131744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404950451175272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380463770676846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106025043571672,0.0692693472872385,0.133618210110625,0.0,0.0,0.060798035798115366,0.0,0.0,0.19926025533672134,0.11584277694842032,0.07078941201451662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374718202402199,0.0,0.0,0.11640867709103457,0.0,0.10050819526825693,0.0,0.4554390369218349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rockchalk88,2018/01/28,"I've started talking to someone who is having suicidal thoughts To make a long story short, I've met someone online while gaming and we've been talking two months. She works for her mom and she lives on site of her work place because its part of her responsibilities. This means her social life is pretty much nonexistent and people she talks to online is her usual place to socialize.

She's developed feelings for me and while I've been reluctant to the possibility of dating someone online, I've developed feelings for her. Nothing is official but we've told each other that we like one another. 

I live ~650 miles away and I'm older than her but she's dated someone older than myself before.

As we've talked, she's confided in me about things that have happened to her. She told me she was sexually assaulted and it has led to her to cut herself and other self-harm. She's had ex-boyfriends that have treated her like shit and she has described things to me that I would 100% consider abuse.

During the time we've talked, I'm not aware of her cutting herself but she has gotten black-out drunk by herself a couple of times. We were usually gaming while she was drinking and she would get to the point where I could tell it was going downhill and I convinced her to stop drinking and get to bed. 

For the most part, I think she listens to me when I tell her that I care about her and that she shouldn't hurt herself. 

The last week has been tough because someone posted on Snapchat that people should message her to tell her she's a slut. People have then told her to kill herself.

While these people don't even know her whatsoever, they have fueled her inner thoughts on harming herself. 

Tonight, she was sent more messages on social media to kill herself and she told me in a text that she ""might as well because I was thinking about it anyway. I gotta go.""

I called her a couple times and she wouldn't answer. I threatened to call her mom. No reply. I threatened to call the police and she finally started texting me back. I convinced her to go to bed.

I'm scared that I'm not doing the best I can to help her. While I've told her that I care, I don't know if listening to her is just good enough. 

Are there any things I can do to help? I would honestly feel like shit knowing that she ended up harming herself because I didn't do enough.",4.314736308316434,5.65194329310345,4.736663286004057,85.40995943204871,70.8103448275862,7.0967545638945255,28.086713995943214,7.39963492309942,1.506702028397565,1864,67,364,19,34,590,200,464,0.149,0.743,0.109,-0.9765,0,0,2,0,1,0,41.0,2,0,1,3,11,25,7,1,12,0,41,7,2,2,0,49,78,28,3,8,7,2,3,3,0,8,1,2,2,0,23,18,3,1,12,5,0,5,8,13,1,2,21,5,85,12,48,48,9,49,0,1,0,1,90,16,2,3,30,256,108,2,0.0,0.08214915247695649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714932541227741,0.07270247889111253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514133749128398,0.05331337160949978,0.0,0.16906083418441487,0.0,0.05899791189608376,0.0,0.0727614897649571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239252252896115,0.0,0.1413807515275201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535735511997636,0.15343294427723048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584135255630733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140912036117304,0.14328058914600958,0.0,0.04579428589110995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517167695737743,0.04953204260190682,0.0,0.07595173066545427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244804216665139,0.0,0.11821189839200152,0.0581538573389493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613116033596666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929458980394078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422320999568112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534150364766704,0.0,0.11431204210096653,0.05651625753322069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048972475841392665,0.10161889958163647,0.0,0.12244593744021284,0.0613581841549011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628081440655522,0.0,0.0,0.07552477620209444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355214868480209,0.0,0.1624056926764029,0.0553415352517208,0.0,0.05096828157660155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665276000423613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046982341235826605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016338262463294,0.0,0.1922691605267294,0.0,0.14487801704122732,0.0,0.06554280141905515,0.07816338198447581,0.06640256386276831,0.07053734647657124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941517596500094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233021909101743,0.0,0.14234018957396874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120310705214029,0.293731293539925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814956575601494,0.0,0.0,0.05796611692478524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583986572947499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786391970047385,0.1818022522618245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818678178188445,0.08885253081269037,0.0,0.11008650068562208,0.12128719606326036,0.0,0.0,0.3312568317296062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772899608326535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272265351068448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055615349574503314,0.0,0.06233936506480677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095158693288897,0.0,0.0,0.14775811343579145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lstwo45018,2018/01/28,"Please help. I can't stop thinking about suicide. I'm desperate beyond words.

I've been here in this mental and emotional place before, but not in a long time and I thought I was well past this. Not only am I clearly not, I'm more serious than I've ever been. I'm planning, and the more I plan the more I see this as my only outcome.

I realized tonight I'm not healthy - not for me or anyone else. I was in therapy and had felt more hopeful than I ever had. Things were looking up. I felt excited and hopeful for the first time as I worked through issues.

Suddenly it's all come crashing down and I'm seeing the problem isn't my messed up family, my tired partner, my shitty job ... It's me. It's always been me. I'm that common denominator. I've always been the problem and everyone around me suffers for it. I self harmed today and I know if anyone knew, they'd be horrified and betrayed. I'm a disease to everyone I touch.

So I'm quietly planning. I've mentally prepped my suicide notes, should I choose to leave them. I'm picking a date - the next few weeks. I've researched a few methods and am narrowing down.

I tried reaching the National Suicide Hotline - it only furthered how alone I felt and how hopeless this all was. I screamed for help and only heard my echo back. I'm sorry to the poor responders who got stuck listening to me - I couldn't finish a sentence and hung up the first time, I stumbled through my tears tryong to choke out my issues on the second only to give up and feign a bad connection. She tried, but it only felt more hollow and empty.

My girlfriend deserves better than this. They want a family and a future. I cannot risk bringing anything into this world with my genes. I can't even handle my daily problems; I'll only being doing potential children a disservice and guaranteeing them and my girlfriend a lifetime of pain. My partner is already suffering with me. I eat up their focus and time, they're never good at seeing when they've overstrained themselves and they'll keep giving until I bleed them dry.

I'm ready to go.",2.776835639467219,4.970598061425061,4.156147032199666,84.34170276736069,76.98525798525799,6.642932885038149,27.41814302340618,7.669130373188453,1.781352825552826,1629,68,304,24,38,537,204,407,0.237,0.6609999999999999,0.101,-0.9968,1,1,1,0,0,4,49.0,0,0,7,7,13,19,0,1,20,0,24,4,0,3,6,65,60,31,3,9,9,0,5,0,4,2,3,4,0,4,15,26,1,2,10,0,1,3,11,13,1,3,19,13,51,6,39,35,9,48,0,3,4,0,22,21,0,4,24,199,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858222280965067,0.09144260661836638,0.0,0.13789915628652974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588102566732032,0.08490407376010797,0.06819010256236245,0.07376662666551144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371738617226443,0.06918807113341917,0.0,0.0,0.07051125490945616,0.0,0.0,0.07328657196491345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138009401133334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479067221452267,0.06922233153450827,0.09321097124573018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473096355599842,0.14991066423549346,0.0,0.1583604175261364,0.0,0.0,0.15623381755545926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182501641010007,0.0,0.0,0.14096834032837952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898161113699452,0.047093583670839705,0.06950248452889721,0.06627399904523086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108413329930134,0.0,0.0,0.16460551801364498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297720543575235,0.08222984365062304,0.07365342889701149,0.0,0.0,0.04553994811431493,0.0,0.0,0.0877411285159899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333213031925577,0.06958498306319517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670150673209475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390991052230888,0.0,0.08812692171966978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411532308967168,0.08817325605633995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910316985855477,0.0,0.0,0.08657535887340967,0.09095990983790073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378692884689097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980959031402469,0.0,0.08644533937008853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275958765702197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927810688951151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719196628942849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476233217546537,0.0,0.05505123307020311,0.05309597618063997,0.0,0.06578484782314116,0.19327491711758746,0.09524010535724256,0.07854548782381493,0.0,0.0,0.11251858353894853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488753993801166,0.0,0.06646859125511904,0.0,0.07450478702908153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060326059439838924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeoSzlachcic,2018/01/28,"Noone loves me, and that's ok I had noone. I have noone. And I will have noone. So, I can't dissapoint anyone. There's no point in doing anything. Talking, eating, breathing. So why i still cling to life? Why I came here? Why i cant just do it? Why won't it end?",-2.560669856459331,-1.189039666666666,0.0940669856459344,103.61755980861248,112.33333333333331,2.774481658692185,12.199362041467305,4.851557810540192,-1.6273719298245617,197,4,50,1,11,66,38,57,0.043,0.823,0.134,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,9,4,1,0,0,4,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,8,2,2,7,0,9,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322551416918462,0.0,0.18033087757375615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506340688421765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423160775465836,0.0,0.0,0.1940901215556163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478277058899428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777947691545125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071550645848892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500289548767545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613382278962827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7909473468139884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RolandClaptrap,2018/01/28,"Depressed with no friends I'm married and depressed, have been for a while. The marriage is not what made me depressed my mind is. I did a ton of drugs before and had friends who also did drugs. I don't hang out with them anymore and am sober. Now I have no friends, I can't make new friends, people I work with are great with me at work but I don't hang out with them outside. Any friends I have are usually my wife's(our friends). I maybe have 1 friend I've known for a while but barely see, he is more introvert.

Anyways, I think the depression is causing me to have no friends, I'm boring if I'm not under the influence, but I don't know what normal friends do together. How can I change this, all the groups of people appearing ""fun"" usually are drinking together, this is not the friendship I want or need.",4.2901552106430145,5.0170323170731725,4.542838137472285,89.04739467849224,70.34146341463415,7.914855875831485,31.98226164079823,8.00094639256281,2.044446341463414,636,28,137,8,11,199,87,164,0.14400000000000002,0.698,0.159,0.6816,0,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,2,4,16,0,0,8,0,24,3,0,5,1,32,35,12,0,4,8,0,0,0,9,0,2,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,3,1,0,3,10,5,0,0,5,1,19,11,14,30,3,13,0,4,1,0,15,4,0,3,6,93,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469205349697198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201891535816105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502913290150218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011720922831894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879343222109092,0.11203326661343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648626961699419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374641404035163,0.24563195818743225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7363962736638622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676044786046448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820252437336972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020970988094344,0.07069229572867955,0.0,0.1063956353170998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693368722703744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785270887957324,0.0,0.10228354379266147,0.0,0.0,0.10376424670555576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684214754802746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843924371765712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678595381800655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23327841406604066,0.0,0.062465412049629174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419995367947706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ranhuynh,2018/01/28,"My friend’s friend, who I met less than ten times, killed himself. What can I do to help? I’m going to use fake names to make this anonymous.

I went to a Bob’s party today and found out the terrible news. I wasn’t especially close to the victim, Gale, but I remember  him being a really great, friendly person. Sherry was close to the victim, and understandably wasn’t coming to the party, but I want to do something to help Sherry, who was best friends with Gale. I’m looking through Facebook post and possibly seeing “signs”, so I can’t even imagine what Sherry must be feeling. I want to send my condolences, but feel space is best thing right now. But I’m also frightened as to what to say. And don’t want be absent in Sherry’s time of need.

Any advice?",3.9305237808549087,5.134901715231788,4.8457555689343765,84.77069235400361,71.58278145695364,7.34521372667068,24.98555087296809,7.686295010490155,1.2220543046357617,593,17,118,7,11,193,91,151,0.087,0.6459999999999999,0.267,0.9861,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,4,12,3,0,6,0,14,0,0,2,1,29,33,11,1,5,4,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,5,0,1,7,5,12,7,19,22,3,15,0,0,2,0,15,6,0,0,4,74,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181799282913402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242429717040996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565151857280047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260857634788239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383064555485308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261516583846796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571114366852504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034646389972444,0.4801293240317983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829583081186862,0.0,0.0,0.1712872037068312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827180849588728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718850846107885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304649893399177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370537181779632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519898819789892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565614559011527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751473627933474,0.14879389361108514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995289046586994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599491159946803,0.13267833802500967,0.0,0.12355013440574356,0.0,0.0,0.12380343551999975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960529297539547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321563963205456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181185716309792,0.0,0.14726505318433733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173736856546475,0.0,0.13418292480948968,0.0,0.0,0.27490967929043586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402217274046178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Male18NeedAFriend,2018/01/28,I really need someone to talk to Maybe my problems arent as big as others... but is there anyone willing to talk to me anyway? Anyone at all.,1.1064367816091938,3.2385725172413795,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,82.44827586206897,5.2459770114942526,20.011494252873558,6.42735559955562,0.3823011494252873,109,3,21,1,3,38,23,29,0.066,0.934,0.0,-0.2144,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4900714453303852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520639767757992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598467416793415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353236515019437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450077021551967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969265857497833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5633406262273691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fatassmotherfucker,2018/01/28,"it will all go away i dont want to work for anything or achieve anything. i dont want to wake up early every morning and have people depend on me to get things done in exchange for basic living expenses. i dont want to slave away for large chunks of my life doing things that i dont want to do. i dont want to not be able to do the things i want to do for decades upon decades until im already old and frail. 

i dont want to be as socially inept as i am. i want to have friends with whom i can talk and express my feelings honestly and sincerely. i want to have a romantic partner for the first time in my life. i dont want to be alone. but i am alone. i am stuck in my body where my thoughts and feelings are trapped away and no one else will truly understand who i am on the inside.

why does 'reality' have to be this way. either you get to live in suffering or you dont exist. why cant there be an existence where there is not suffering. i dont believe in god but i wish i did because i want to go to heaven. at least then i would have a reason to be a good person and to try. but its all meaningless. we all live to die and we are all in denial of that fact. theres no reason not to end it right now, might as well just get the inevitable death process over with. on the other side awaits literal nothingness as reward for all the hard 'work' and accomplishments ive achieved. then everyone who is left to mourn me will die. then everyone else will die, whether its 100 years from now or 1 trillion years from now, everything about human civilization will be gone forever. nothing matters and it will all go away, but people can keep laughing it off and telling themselves otherwise until theyre sitting on their deathbed wondering what the fuck they were doing all those years",3.864468664850136,4.5976416376021785,4.764627792915533,87.04924141689371,71.31607629427793,8.16082833787466,28.30397820163488,8.364918446050245,1.7539919128065389,1399,50,303,21,25,455,175,367,0.19,0.718,0.092,-0.9848,0,3,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,2,2,7,11,12,1,0,11,0,49,5,2,3,8,60,76,28,5,13,13,0,3,0,2,8,2,0,0,3,18,15,0,1,7,0,2,4,16,4,1,3,6,3,34,8,59,55,9,46,1,3,0,1,17,24,1,6,16,220,52,5,0.0625273181378012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951888867652128,0.06900045040532571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029093103092564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349858946556496,0.0,0.0,0.03811607277921901,0.0,0.0,0.07044687562238358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694537546762402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468045330987474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054718077466551086,0.06398715547614202,0.6595339606050323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044671019478246,0.0,0.05538064477881465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052681962312215634,0.1194950640600413,0.0561955217575077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632313815723415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053185704865918434,0.0,0.0,0.04830845088754629,0.057805498066615925,0.09800382902134926,0.0,0.10660714752097313,0.052444947865471984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056012195434548655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754023333048846,0.0,0.0,0.055577153317605384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793611410918472,0.0,0.08832978790642433,0.0,0.0,0.165638302407753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633160343405665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999664812431596,0.0,0.065611902158578,0.0,0.04237012898988653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669713894635157,0.05459644240683699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857699391157953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053397988046220264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373872659064042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050257089826449414,0.05465163205554522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462111539752292,0.0,0.0,0.04963970623220237,0.036460182037524526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245194461460889,0.0,0.0,0.06509314332576166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056825549108913,0.04963127473069279,0.0,0.0,0.05621956823491234,0.0,0.11284235823434133,0.0,0.07190333004122537,0.0,0.06780820928362855,0.09104126460216824,0.0,0.0,0.04441761280869483,0.0,0.0,0.12079662852627558
suicidewatch,dykeism,2018/01/28,". Hey reddit. I know this is a weird place to come with my problems but it’s almost 5am and I don’t know when I stopped crying but I have and I feel weirdly calm. I’m so, so, so tired of this. I’m only 16 and I know that compared to so many people I really live a privileged life. I have parents who love me, but I really can’t do this much longer. I’ve been on meds and in therapy for depression, anxiety, phobias, and bpd for coming up two years and I’m just not getting better. I know people say it takes time but my issues aren’t because something bad happened to me, they’ve been inherited. I come from a family full of depressed people, I lost my granddad to suicide and my dad’s in recovery but I know that it isn’t something that’s ever going to be fixed. It’s as much a part of me as anything else. When I was six years old I told my mum I knew I wasn’t going to die of old age, and I didn’t understand why she looked upset and told me not to say things like that. I still believe it. I’ve always known I’m going to kill myself someday, and now I’m coming to terms with the fact it’s going to be very soon. It’s going to absolutely destroy my parents and I hate that but I really truly believe that the heartache I cause them now, being vacant and sad and unreachable is worse. I hate everything about myself. I’ve done enough research on mental illness to know that I’m just experiencing a malfunction of my brain. I know these things, but they’re still happening. It doesn’t make sense. I know that, and it frustrates me. But I really truly want to die. It’s the only thing I care about anymore. I’m not sure why I’m writing this post. I guess it’s a last ditch attempt at getting validation or help. I’m not sure. I just know that I’m so upset, and so fed up of being alive. ",0.6024999999999991,2.652373551181107,2.959920603674544,90.80649507874016,83.82939632545933,5.804750656167982,20.548622047244095,7.066338657993696,0.4774225196850392,1397,42,307,19,40,479,173,381,0.261,0.65,0.08900000000000001,-0.9975,3,0,2,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,1,3,19,23,5,2,9,0,20,6,1,2,4,62,68,34,4,2,16,5,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,29,21,1,1,13,0,1,9,11,15,0,2,11,5,45,8,35,53,6,36,0,4,1,1,16,9,0,3,18,190,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995124162716581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664357807517507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061079684424109236,0.0,0.07918281187032505,0.0,0.0,0.06570399450246715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666557864800178,0.048671558070216364,0.0,0.0,0.17991146242062592,0.0,0.07061465433467612,0.0,0.0,0.10055947657495304,0.08913120528705032,0.0,0.0,0.08140527037121269,0.08202076546103136,0.0,0.27511073474142905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770379779700749,0.0,0.0,0.1375373357429235,0.0,0.16572887844090148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817071205510701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669858996665684,0.0,0.0,0.08249917313607691,0.0,0.0,0.0722225740149174,0.0,0.0,0.07175774944993388,0.0,0.07526888436907282,0.0,0.04037102507759046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342935508152652,0.0,0.22688311399594474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879560775477621,0.0,0.14120982084084294,0.0,0.0,0.15765688566175118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535170868597368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333535900322786,0.0,0.0,0.08833446129306956,0.0,0.3949166740185252,0.06508270998920775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056395479491283464,0.0390072618603389,0.0,0.07050284098424016,0.0,0.0670480197688098,0.0,0.08715807759801525,0.0,0.07206143417473616,0.0,0.05329582944015104,0.08094828070023771,0.0,0.0,0.08868758524782233,0.0,0.08046297521732702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738759901249265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756361677164452,0.0,0.0,0.12144841456206988,0.0,0.0,0.17731242855526155,0.0864621996300158,0.0,0.16605927073825735,0.0,0.08341895216047547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646753332667318,0.0,0.0,0.07639897792876778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045979078643957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269887330844376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293410038113545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752546250250646,0.06675233183652945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733529434411927,0.0,0.15050218481737787,0.0,0.06003200724345501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130744079177162,0.0,0.1591324449918828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046557101450848765,0.09176779508556672,0.0,0.1525868360885655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799501952789953,0.08311938965233658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587884542516585,0.04709347620118628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409179621929125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136684878751912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283256189688776
suicidewatch,xxmartizzlexx,2018/01/28,I have everything.- beautiful caring gf. Caring family. Great job. But every morning I wake up I want to end it. I constantly have thoughts of ways I can kill my self. I don’t get it. Why do I feel like this?,-0.8329900332225897,1.261177395348838,1.898737541528238,92.39069767441865,100.6279069767442,6.178073089700997,17.770764119601328,7.447530270364453,0.7985973421926915,160,5,35,4,7,55,33,43,0.092,0.55,0.358,0.91,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,11,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,4,3,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,20,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985474910893954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642067232548069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654548129990786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599328394035565,0.0,0.2197317556427953,0.0,0.2304833169165977,0.0,0.12362143859580647,0.17466363207799848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277358808263661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695509758173997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426184984873855,0.0,0.2704918480927164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194454145662788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550562850187839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940976693314037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420647643400128,0.19406470107038465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220614105094526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peb_The_Soon-Ended,2018/01/28,"I really, really, REALLY don't want to be alive That's pretty standard I guess. But you can save your ""it gets better"" speech. I don't care if my life gets better, in fact it's pretty great right now, and no matter how much better it gets it won't make a difference. The problem is me. 
 
I don't enjoy anything, I don't appreciate anything, I don't feel any sort of emotional connection to anyone. I used to be pretty good at hiding all that, but it's getting harder by the day. Not to say my life is hard, it definitely isn't. But I'm tired. 
 
There's really no reason for me to keep living other than the fact that I'm irrationally terrified of death. I don't know what I expect by posting here, but why not.",2.8642997542997537,3.9303964864864867,5.124840294840297,82.28404176904179,74.0,8.354791154791156,22.23832923832924,8.841846274778883,1.3890594594594594,552,13,116,11,11,194,85,148,0.194,0.62,0.18600000000000005,-0.6457,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,0,3,4,9,0,0,4,0,13,3,0,4,3,26,27,7,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,11,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,0,4,15,8,13,24,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,2,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495793414823016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763742251250294,0.0,0.22981867192533464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704926816219476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423692065155369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005429964441093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589092294992526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707280687086056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060465225784586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918182331167648,0.0,0.0,0.1171208730426412,0.0,0.15395026242637594,0.15382587529765335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125087305781238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411576296118572,0.0,0.0,0.07674083189425482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725945579750925,0.0,0.0,0.12330201081878453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320876785227072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264924647976227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337336267575209,0.4261830244533471,0.0,0.13361373061863896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578200976984117,0.14357007102715547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924921719316404,0.0,0.11104493040316747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049216605307975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060151628674028,0.0,0.0,0.08236150814618727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600065450057993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UPblinded,2018/01/28,"someone to talk? Its been a while since I had this strange and distant feeling towards life. But the events of the last like six months lead me more and more into suicide. Ive been there before, thought about alot in my youth, but this time it isnt about attention. I mean i guess it was at the beginning, but I stopped talking about it and now the feeling intensifies ... I feel left alone, but I left everbody, I feel angry and sad about me ... I stopped working out, let myself go, drink smoke ... i know lift your head up, but I cant because everytime I think its okay now something happens and most likely im the one who fucked up ... that makes me tired ... What should I do? Clearly im not in the shape to decide myself ... its so hard to admit that I made myself my biggest struggle and I only can think of this one way out",2.1963636363636354,4.137960757575762,2.9315151515151534,93.63727272727276,77.78787878787878,5.36969696969697,24.93939393939393,6.079149491110277,0.5459575757575759,635,23,136,4,15,199,103,165,0.195,0.732,0.07200000000000001,-0.9764,0,1,3,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,2,8,6,1,1,8,1,11,5,1,3,1,37,28,13,1,1,6,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,9,1,2,12,1,0,2,3,3,0,3,6,5,24,3,18,20,4,27,0,1,0,1,5,13,1,3,13,96,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536436889939353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904315052669555,0.0,0.12623313983060694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532446912885885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000366301542797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714524665616068,0.0,0.0,0.08430953243250608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342194097313054,0.0,0.1311835614414898,0.0,0.1328905833450587,0.0,0.15224774771374974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204823855561237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152812831901476,0.12092334136264925,0.0,0.0,0.3223608631700754,0.15169578255699706,0.10478251165271993,0.1449505849508166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037037351807544,0.09902337775525327,0.0,0.0,0.16159435696277796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184098815255639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104875783527748,0.1128252656848262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271491904349567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256946975186478,0.1142054640008329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24805098038357665,0.0,0.1550854388793805,0.0,0.16226852896464553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384728515798336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901106935129712,0.0,0.11777166502932443,0.0865028557128312,0.17050409260877047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775166104366755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799904081238296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue_cortex,2018/01/28,The only reason I haven't ended it is because I don't want anyone to find my body... Or remember me at all.,0.6624999999999979,1.8230802500000003,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,79.83333333333334,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.5659833333333331,82,2,18,1,2,31,22,24,0.06,0.94,0.0,-0.0572,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646435193005652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307192055843187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204083457539938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33522284528435803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459258281507369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28785272999491635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38914268612522107,0.0,0.0,0.4287464950573401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232385780966107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScarredandMental,2018/01/28,"Lost and Confused Why am I still alive? Why am I going insane? Why cant I be happy.. I just want to die.. I look at myself in the mirror, and I see a girl who hates herself. She is ugly and fat and can't do anything right. My life is falling apart. I am ending it all.",-2.3966666666666683,-0.6393926666666658,0.9733333333333364,99.95833333333334,100.66666666666666,2.666666666666667,13.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5661666666666667,200,4,49,0,9,71,45,60,0.252,0.684,0.064,-0.89,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,2,0,9,2,1,0,1,8,15,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,2,11,1,3,13,1,8,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,1,2,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933175979794526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25139285091505503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454077088519904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766289469524204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578545996351047,0.0,0.2391485076454543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109173128316196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340924281220735,0.0,0.26441882445314474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686009642735576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302314900023568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934423854452029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428714579268484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.655715185895427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worthlessthrowmeaway,2018/01/28,"Nobody noticed yesterday. Last try. Not one person noticed my post yesterday. That’s okay. Other people needed more help than me.

But today was worse. Now, while my loved ones drunkenly sing the night away together...

I alone, in the quiet, again, sit on Reddit to make it through the night by pure distraction. I thought I’d be okay. I just wanted to calm down. To have food in my stomach and not hurt. I could do it, I said.

And I just had to stumble across the r/happy subreddit. I can’t contain my tears.

I’ve tried so hard. For so many years. I move away, and I start over, and I trust and I love and I give everything and everything and nothing gets anything but worse and I’m not a bad person...

I just want my happy life too... Anyone...

And as I write this, my inbox pops up with an email from Amazon asking me to review the nylon rope and surgical scalpels I ordered...

I can’t review them... I haven’t tried them. But maybe I will.

I should.",-0.156980036297643,2.150462873684212,1.5599092558983652,95.54815789473685,96.57894736842104,4.5154264972776765,17.07803992740472,6.311591054244273,-0.14813067150635195,726,20,154,9,29,235,120,190,0.067,0.7809999999999999,0.152,0.9271,0,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,2,0,8,10,0,1,7,2,11,5,1,1,1,31,24,18,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,5,12,1,1,1,1,0,1,6,3,0,2,4,3,29,7,21,16,1,24,0,1,0,2,12,9,0,0,11,102,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560307809950695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154868221404414,0.0,0.10774350664701286,0.0,0.12240104939973535,0.0,0.2460244289530327,0.0,0.10932034301077732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453624538769032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353412943422587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832000686789194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684050592498217,0.12559913853059718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27875295736022626,0.11728677090498875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775902663854479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016232669993764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067247044784242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247910671857884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363372781454688,0.0,0.08739620166209769,0.13274157356388475,0.1315358951678219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915692988826506,0.0,0.09708228057368076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573621211186125,0.0,0.12563001805288146,0.2981273328901361,0.0,0.0,0.17744191505075174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907697635740838,0.2286445079725771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253939010504715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454357185434115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267230224718156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394309324030117,0.0,0.0,0.12410549290050632,0.0,0.0,0.2666768262084829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445076983631273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26685590973788875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431405807336917
suicidewatch,NyteLyfeProd,2018/01/28,how how do i not become scared of dying.,-0.706666666666667,1.1645405555555577,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,87.88888888888891,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-1.913533333333333,31,0,7,0,1,11,8,9,0.0,0.7440000000000001,0.256,0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080364748993092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5713813992965125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511941053113513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ifiquitidbeout,2018/01/28,":) I'm okay. I don't know where my life is headed, but I'm okay.

I want to share a story, but I trust nobody in my personal life. I'm still in my young twenties but have grown distant from all of my friends. And my family is extremely dysfunctional, constantly putting me into impossible situations wherein I have to toe a thin line as to not turn away either side.

That's all very vague. I created this throwaway and thought I'd be able to get some support from somebody by explaining everything. But as I wrote, I realized there were too many details to my story that would make it easy to personally identify me.

So to simplify, I'm worried. I've always had the backminded feeling of hopelessness and the plans of how I'd go about leaving, but I always saw a silver lining. Day by day, that line fades. 

I'd love an anonymous friend to write.

",4.411787148594382,5.686022849397595,5.656807228915664,79.14476907630524,70.50602409638554,9.388755020080325,31.303212851405625,9.725611199111238,3.027692369477911,667,29,129,16,12,223,107,166,0.058,0.7170000000000001,0.225,0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,2,9,5,2,2,2,25,26,12,0,2,7,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,3,16,8,22,19,4,16,0,1,1,1,9,7,0,1,6,77,21,0,0.1801680991169276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998285828615629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927385989150542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946977092555749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323870379909223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192347018019965,0.0,0.16984644929724296,0.0,0.09109840435918706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27839485290288946,0.0,0.09413039562453343,0.0,0.10239368270362342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490444819182136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901567547181514,0.0,0.0,0.19077200274497447,0.0,0.0,0.2545161132199725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260874368525868,0.0,0.12026360518876687,0.1826621740032212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31463166948271554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111870237539895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251649215486414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388247668739973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044526237893192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303334572687793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959711552671692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486575505012254,0.10626781285365068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829694502208904,0.0,0.12798624833736805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BottomlessLake,2018/01/28,"Greed After several attempts and failures at life in school and work due to my illness (bipolar 1, depression, anxiety) I said screw it, I'm not a failure, and went and worked in oilfield drilling for about three years, losing a job once in the middle after my symptoms flared up from overworking myself.  Then I was laid-off when oil prices dropped in 2015.  I was still sick, and out of work, but I tried to look at what I had done as an accomplishment and as motivation to use the layoff as an opportunity to move forward into something good.  But, I had a big head from making big oilfield money. 

I had liked working on the rigs and with all the big equipment.  Pumps, valves, pipes, motors, engines, etc.  So, I thought, maybe work in a refinery or some type of plant would be what I should shoot for.  It pays good right?  I figured I would have to go to school and get an AAS in process technology to get the job but after so many attempts and failures at school I was loathe to go back.  I knew I had to act soon, I didn't want to be inactive.  But, I was still sick, alone and scared and I couldn't bring myself to go to make the jump to go to school again.  After my unemployment ran out I applied for and got a job at the water/sewer department, but, after being isolated in my apartment for several months, I couldn't deal with the sudden exposure to new people and a new job.  I tried to hang in there, I was a big oilfield man after all, but the anxiety, insomnia and ensuing psychosis built and built, and after a month I had to quit.  

I ended up on medicaid and was able to see a psychiatrist who understood my illness and symptoms and prescribed the right medications.  I was ready to accept that I wasn't going to get better on my own, and I began faithfully taking my meds.  And they have helped.  But, I still had to figure out employment, and still had the idea that I wanted to work in a plant and make good money.  I had found an online program for plant work, and I started it up.  Because I was on medicaid, the job service helped with my tuition.  I started it, telling myself the money I would make would make it worth it, but now I realize I messed up.  

What I liked about the oilfield isn't to be found in plant work as an operator.  I liked hands on, turning wrenches, heavy lifting, cranes, hoists, exercise, installing, repairing, maintaining the equipment.  Operating is screens, buttons, charts, boredom, and moments of panic.  I found out later that the school I went to has an on-campus mechanical maintenance program where you learn to work on the equipment in the plants, which is what would enjoy.  But that's not what I've done.  I would rather have taken out loans to learn something that would give me hands-on satisfaction in my work and doesn't give me major anxiety.  But, I've used up my window for retraining, if I even had any in the first place, I'm 33, greed, ego, and insecurity got me here, and it's disgusting.  Can't seem to make good decisions for myself and I want out. ",6.918070592134335,6.258792946917811,7.072850198851082,77.90754529385772,64.736301369863,10.20671674768007,33.56473707467963,9.536714749202195,2.884524038886433,2347,86,463,39,31,758,251,584,0.122,0.77,0.107,-0.2882,8,1,2,1,0,0,86.0,0,1,1,19,18,22,4,3,35,0,44,14,2,10,2,95,89,49,0,15,15,0,1,3,0,8,11,1,1,1,19,39,0,0,16,1,10,15,9,10,1,2,35,6,61,12,90,40,6,92,1,2,3,1,11,46,1,4,35,316,80,32,0.060583518606509026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274625424310842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041198870149801316,0.0,0.13903867772879058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465849862109786,0.0,0.036931150626638265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358119894003889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245894746993581,0.05218049580188679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399594736569512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365901534435728,0.0,0.06756663777615426,0.04001484266282713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153230997759175,0.0,0.19928010334787574,0.0,0.0,0.09495716393814987,0.11623446295478895,0.17215504885906618,0.2032583241662729,0.0969083484787514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217616843581938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121571095235895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839141825551907,0.0,0.0,0.30059897013341835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279193085927894,0.08879414099823746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050874897280409316,0.06777746065678625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426398146514594,0.061422178907752076,0.0608642874185982,0.0,0.06729463159521139,0.06103152128664066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671437310246636,0.06439069248894312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117023879579932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451947008378088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108170563644167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200098362536368,0.0,0.06329688239916985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443802941073086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347598773447383,0.05762879968095463,0.0,0.060654671005388364,0.3065687761473997,0.0482772205547918,0.05515295998153602,0.0,0.13688426322476613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328030493242437,0.0,0.0,0.08576265258269214,0.0,0.19352830487231773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593894569426542,0.045551266280176035,0.0,0.052952665588763416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809654652887098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226446465442758,0.06589747124857202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464941669035177,0.0,0.0,0.10720118681688323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232305741706786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410552309176273,0.0,0.0,0.3012575537439857,0.0,0.0,0.039013799673910686
suicidewatch,SpoopyNoodles,2018/01/28,"Wasted Opportunity Hi. I really don't want to go too much into my past and such and why I'm here but I'm just really upset with myself and I need to rant without people judging me about the topic of suicide right now.


So I've been planning on my suicide for awhile now. My mother keeps a handgun in her night stand. I've been waiting for the opportunity for everybody to be out of the house. (My boyfriend and my mother). So I can take the gun without anybody needing to hear it or interfere or anything.

I came home from work early today because I was having my panic attacks. My boyfriend covered my shift. When I got home my mother saw me panicking and made me take some pain medication that she had left (Percocet) because it helps calm me down. I didn't want to but she had me take it anyway and I started to feel better.

So after talking to me for awhile she decides to go out to eat with her friend and now everyone is finally out of the house.

My opportunity is here. But I'm fucking scared and I hate it. I'm feeling good from the pain meds so now I'm having second thoughts and I'm really mad. But now I don't even feel mad properly because everything is all nice and numb from the meds. I know some people would think it's a blessing in disguise but I'm just so mad but I can't tell anyone.


I don't know.. Thanks for listening.


EDIT: Sounds like she's home now. I guess I'll just wait until the next opportunity.",1.092256122872563,3.44855415753425,3.217073474470734,87.75789746782901,84.4794520547945,5.868161062681612,22.547114985471147,7.229369725052465,0.9320351598173507,1122,40,230,17,33,380,145,292,0.232,0.642,0.126,-0.9912,0,0,0,2,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,7,22,24,6,3,10,0,18,6,0,1,1,52,55,25,2,5,13,3,3,1,1,1,4,3,3,0,6,17,1,4,8,0,0,3,7,12,0,1,11,7,37,12,35,42,4,30,1,0,1,1,16,10,1,5,17,150,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467177760263614,0.0,0.08788110294873996,0.0,0.0,0.12149185092189076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952990942712158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444926072253244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214213507263695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092753568916054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053541880729201,0.0,0.0,0.10204478093351094,0.09597818541371538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199244374054014,0.0,0.0,0.1169859301740192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250759689253777,0.0987279170626903,0.0,0.0,0.12138524270489907,0.08957245653782768,0.08541169339923115,0.0,0.1176439448540985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543545414805663,0.0,0.0,0.12036287437276813,0.0,0.07158074110183038,0.0,0.3213646621847187,0.0,0.0,0.24644834274593336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492205355617983,0.0,0.0,0.11738069655649258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603033039527808,0.0,0.0,0.05217340621761104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104961661191396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23724471756877324,0.10758217771023487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850475265499199,0.1583705256882993,0.0,0.0,0.11357500266433875,0.10021749814393388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272694335875586,0.1252979530333315,0.0,0.0,0.10194549579323108,0.14807290361210834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052419712866844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120018530186136,0.0,0.0,0.1069178918941002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558825944808899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336272566510657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088393934329855,0.0858357416189001,0.09334132526118047,0.09832015773635126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684283022543823,0.0,0.08478129181174777,0.0,0.0,0.10122677400713588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597793061409934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636359306237392,0.0,0.0,0.20588825906782207,0.0,0.07774618956285992,0.0,0.0,0.07586230618488705,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WidowmakerWill,2018/01/28,"No options left. 28M. 3 years of mental illness. Depression, anxiety, gender dysphoria, dissociative disorder. Wasted the last 10 years of my life in a course/job i was never cut out for. Last 2 years I’ve been unemployed and unable to work. I’ve tried several different meds, seen 7 different medical professionals, from counsellors to psychiatrists to psychologists. They have all, correctly I think, added a new diagnosis to the pile. Treatment on any one issue is almost impossible, any progress made is limited by all the others. I’ve heard and read everything. I’ve taught myself large parts of psychology in an attempt to treat myself... all to no avail. 
It’s like I’m watching my body live my life without me. 
I don’t want to die. 
I don’t want to live. ",3.0415756302521006,6.0158109642857145,4.731764705882352,75.80617647058827,82.21428571428572,9.008403361344536,27.521008403361343,9.325443323948027,3.338441176470589,605,27,104,20,17,203,98,140,0.18600000000000005,0.747,0.067,-0.9336,5,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,6,0,7,5,1,1,5,16,15,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,3,11,2,19,9,4,12,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,2,8,55,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582761757613992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164934568305874,0.0,0.11904632764173878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728550406033121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403241100703087,0.0,0.1615055361581559,0.3251726004827446,0.1783501873640626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985822998913128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242337440964716,0.15442553426928415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25369671406256555,0.0,0.0,0.16907796875078993,0.0,0.21983331421346644,0.07602644512027089,0.0,0.2748247436645352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724825708575065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728550406033121,0.15676742468168706,0.15682500328980234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002117040915612,0.15029555089938013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054498838983557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685176903389084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565878343204118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580254410186202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997128794757521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056535049005505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835734893031615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000891798822466,0.0,0.11329079012893313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006361027706344
suicidewatch,Masterlet,2018/01/28,"I wanna die. I don't feel suicidal, but I feel like my life is boring!!!! What can I do to make my life more entertaining?",-0.6116666666666681,1.364757576923079,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,88.61538461538461,6.543589743589743,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.29329743589743584,91,2,22,2,3,33,19,26,0.08,0.5579999999999999,0.361,0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,5,7,1,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40749966599627546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39706246466663503,0.2805030139928698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5546683057918075,0.1918246998236416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620911080816927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294858398816232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CalvinOfHouseHopkins,2018/01/28,"Why even try anymore? Honestly, dying is a tempting thing for me.

I mean, i know i wont be going anywhere in life and those that might miss me will get over my loss. Im 19 and a god damn loser with nothing to gain or lose at this point. 

I've been told ""it gets better"" and shit like that, so i guess im just asking for someone to tell me something comforting that i havent heard yet? Honestly im not sure what i even want anymore. I don't feel much of anything. Suicide is actually a comfort thought now-a-days and i feel like i should at least try to tell someone.",0.7000137741046863,2.597602851239671,2.5805165289256213,94.5210778236915,82.4710743801653,5.355647382920111,23.306473829201106,6.42735559955562,0.436139944903581,439,16,101,4,12,146,83,121,0.199,0.629,0.173,-0.6595,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,5,5,14,2,0,3,0,10,2,1,0,1,18,24,6,2,2,3,0,2,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,3,13,8,11,15,2,7,0,4,0,0,5,5,2,3,3,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.14167670859813702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879631042022377,0.0,0.0,0.11947243201215413,0.0,0.1357255904110824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840169844992558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936303921829686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067601530100028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178270970992264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681678291758304,0.1037180639768982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170322639092007,0.0,0.0825102875916273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993436281086654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704644843355446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978824126197387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025463541499322,0.14185720292590856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242154406983947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814578116486144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401518011766696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067254894340056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930606360977113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372439357173814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902725703611885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460245085408062,0.11176821181860593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588055657011456,0.0,0.1368323355332655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537909689798821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645248288268927,0.0,0.0,0.11525830675782232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872764158849066,0.0,0.19713812293605065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856321168334896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310041912799687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cuenta_alternativa_,2018/01/28,"Sorry if this doesn't belong here. I think I dont want to die, but IDK. Im staying alone in a friend's house (she let me stay here while she is gone, because Im going through a break up of a long term relationship and I dont have a place of my own) 
Im here in this  8th floor, and I cant help wonder how would feel If I jump.  And it is a current thought that I have , thinking of different ways to die. I never attempt against my life, but scares me that im feeling very lonley, a failure in so many aspects of my life. Maybe the easiest thing to do is just end it for good. 

IDK , its common to think that? Are this kind of thought going to increase? 


Sorry for my possible mistakes, Im not a native English speaker. ",1.3145054945054966,2.701036324675325,3.2053246753246762,93.18128371628372,78.61038961038959,5.777422577422577,24.83316683316684,6.297961479604792,0.5747678321678324,550,20,128,4,13,185,92,154,0.16399999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.117,-0.6739,2,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,8,0,13,2,0,1,1,22,25,10,2,5,6,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,8,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,3,3,15,3,18,20,3,22,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,7,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630453332939787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845444864815373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23309052449855894,0.11732516079953545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632195720189461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994607058831072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356021350540492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675942009315138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764052840685702,0.09418834965782147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526947604499297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957422167684784,0.0,0.0,0.6064934156499655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169387460611594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148300155629937,0.15863562244112514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937820753431116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385026787834908,0.11281617731665455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660940741438593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732516079953545,0.0,0.0,0.1265965885956945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056361305260647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242763875908428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514118030621589,0.0,0.2393846622335033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460430838777657,0.21586375237475972,0.0,0.17830056841713054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265575666697834,0.06623494451577612,0.08913514167826164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177995375379068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977168090475757,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dhya_Eddine_El_Bahri,2018/01/28,"planning on ending my life when I turn 18 I can't take it anymore. I'm too much of a failure. I hate myself so much and I hate being alive. The only reason I'm still alive today is that I didn't shove that knife into my heart 4 years ago. I really want to kill myself but I'm afraid that I'll suffocate for a very long time when I hang myself or that someone would save me. Thus, I decided that I'm going to *""give myself a chance""* and try to live through these 1.5 years left until I turn into a legal adult. And if I don't ever kiss a girl or get a girlfriend before I turn 18, then I'm going to go through the trouble of getting a shotgun and and I'm going to kill myself. It's quite impossible to get back after I pull the trigger, so I shall finally be put to rest. I can't wait to die and get rid of this pain and suffering. I know that I will NEVER get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try. No, I know for a FACT that any girl would look right past me because I'm hopelessly ugly. So, I'd better start looking for a shotgun right now.",1.9881191950464403,2.856282399122808,4.131816305469556,89.32732198142416,75.8859649122807,6.592776057791537,22.622291021671828,6.794906146795322,0.5171839009287931,809,21,184,7,17,280,124,228,0.198,0.703,0.099,-0.9799,0,0,0,2,0,5,22.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,4,1,13,0,11,4,1,4,3,29,41,19,3,4,4,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,11,9,0,1,4,0,0,7,7,9,0,0,1,3,27,3,21,34,3,33,0,2,2,1,6,6,0,3,20,112,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408617291802677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984995456489707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644956673490273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028910304645664,0.0,0.07157843622516567,0.0,0.0999161821114704,0.0,0.0,0.10384887462539916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186392244765022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399969517767726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062135487975574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862839902228165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306736778561443,0.1126404262066865,0.2669310644594047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518568851430096,0.23185683350259206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914383702420835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598167330098064,0.0,0.12906245265325966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275776977160419,0.0,0.0829375592688218,0.0,0.0,0.10368443721902404,0.1039134319338035,0.1972072642557204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263513030380528,0.0,0.09056191478473352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930356804930567,0.12494367205348215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120911368735544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180400165860538,0.0,0.12489113662557988,0.0,0.0,0.07522256776096294,0.12072781228056105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055290082258312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948999370983178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311082181614203,0.0,0.09377214893811016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828558961981936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846882756908078,0.0,0.11130088771666567,0.0,0.0,0.15944159975933955,0.3831593001949445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688419526348276,0.06925764279057904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668242835046034,0.0,0.0,0.15122988179231842
suicidewatch,imaginatern,2018/01/28,"Done fighting I can’t keep fighting anymore. My PTSD symptoms have completely taken over. I can’t move. I keep thinking about every way i want to die, yet i don’t have the balls to do anything. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get the help i need. I want to go away forever. ",-0.5022857142857156,1.5228202000000053,1.9128571428571417,96.61500000000002,88.66666666666666,4.761904761904762,21.904761904761905,6.18269132825596,0.20747619047619106,212,8,50,2,7,72,35,60,0.16399999999999998,0.738,0.098,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,4,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,0,7,20,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,7,18,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367796076626604,0.0,0.0,0.1964740285510639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243170478789938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032880954782794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477887428389975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443280238520867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116036802406434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473900267714462,0.0,0.13568928268225672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003163477762178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244306827009365,0.0,0.0,0.13121284071750922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537574974751705,0.0,0.17703291231949686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790904075271351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815660818934246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529837901405299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816463460946287,0.1895116478608201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alicesc,2018/01/28,"Help. My long term boyfriend and I have just broken up. I'm in the room next door, tonight I've cried my eyes out and gone for a walk and I've calmed down a bit now. Basically we've been going through a rough patch because I've been struggling with the fact that to be with him, I had to give up my career. He gave me that ultimatum and I chose him. Tonight we went out with some friends and I was a bit grumpy as I've been up since 5am and I'll be up at 5 again tomorrow for work. He didn't like that, and although none of my mood was directed at him, he got really angry, and when we got home, he ended things. I was willing to give everything I've ever worked towards for him and it's been for nothing. I feel so empty. I just don't want to face anything anymore. I feel completely lost, I still love him so much but tonight he's shown he just really doesn't care anymore. I just wish I had someone with me right now, I don't think I should be alone.",0.6281884057971041,2.417088956521745,2.241669082125608,97.42540217391308,82.14009661835749,5.6858937198067645,20.978019323671496,6.742157984588678,0.1067277294685991,742,22,182,8,20,242,113,207,0.107,0.83,0.063,-0.6777,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,3,12,8,0,1,6,0,19,3,2,0,2,31,36,15,0,3,5,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,17,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,16,4,26,5,26,15,6,31,0,1,1,1,19,13,0,1,15,108,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582331801237094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030318358472285,0.0,0.0,0.12572426771851322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313278505262372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335906438183118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576858124606094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018608923198266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782078224707145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531702796708572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819753729631548,0.0,0.0,0.1373080977958307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449951265094564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803683445551612,0.0,0.0,0.29311946880602524,0.08682794274787972,0.0,0.24438297306031864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024046803671248,0.0,0.15324999902556954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464020217083224,0.0,0.0,0.13520478835173055,0.0,0.0,0.16677654935199346,0.0,0.13788919701106386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231029434995717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624824172886295,0.0,0.0,0.14659576725035073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574854114862916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047260592026552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263805367862674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294493242338671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200967011214442,0.0,0.0,0.15971799652463556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149971483651478,0.09789474532620956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011313322040188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416278532536684,0.0,0.0,0.17568854535686287,0.0,0.0,0.2224501610180446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MackeyD3,2018/01/28,I feel nothing I just feel so empty inside. Anything that happens I just feel vacant and not there. What’s the point in carrying on if you feel nothing? Why live when everything is just empty. I think it’s finally time to call it,1.0385507246376804,3.603743869565221,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,88.56521739130434,5.67536231884058,22.88405797101449,7.1686216300943375,1.1544753623188413,182,7,35,3,6,60,34,46,0.111,0.889,0.0,-0.5765,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,4,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887841535069498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25918626996521754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22812380141775976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133712681029536,0.0,0.0,0.27805563304467545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445883109955567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413434394703574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871086881799129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399490436942215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264242095790288,0.0,0.0,0.14800886381435566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903984976279235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SteveBuscemiParty,2018/01/28,"hi. my name is naomi. Hey Reddit. 

I hope it doesn’t come off as “attention seeking” but I’ve decided to kill myself. I realize this is weird to post on Reddit but I don’t have any friends in real life to leave a note for, or say goodbye to. At 28, I feel like I have lived enough to reasonably be able to commit suicide and not “miss” any major milestones in life, I feel like I’m at the perfect age for this decision. I have tried my very best to make my life work. I have an eating disorder which drains me mentally, on top of this I experience extreme highs and lows in my mood. When I am down, I get very stressed and when I get stressed I have horrible obsessive thoughts play in my head over and over and can only get rid of them by self harm. I realize this is not how well adjusted adults behave. I realize I will never be able to be the type of woman I want to be because I cannot focus on my life due to my brain. I cannot afford any treatments (I have looked into it) and have no choices. I feel like this is the kindest thing I can do for myself. 

Thank you for listening.

",2.6340476807463062,3.689642599118944,4.2766778958279374,88.18396734905417,74.55066079295155,7.808136823011142,25.687742938585124,8.313332769828598,1.457039077481212,838,28,187,14,17,282,125,227,0.17600000000000002,0.664,0.16,-0.7387,1,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,1,1,4,4,19,1,3,5,0,24,7,2,3,3,34,40,13,2,2,5,0,3,3,1,1,4,2,0,3,9,8,1,0,12,1,0,1,8,8,1,0,1,6,34,10,33,34,3,24,0,2,1,0,11,17,0,2,8,124,43,2,0.2501316404422258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551471393202197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623896318781559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124886237412325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396148171168431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773313003595547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333626516792086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797355680244524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922642448948898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233837042561665,0.0,0.0,0.1897111095336947,0.26804114086588665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662554246365103,0.0,0.19602518749248524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835361303686918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321389056536155,0.0,0.12421857887987794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383668000318017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324266455352915,0.0,0.0,0.35335074983154785,0.1833025273243307,0.0,0.11043541056728716,0.0,0.10502379035402636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348240614960267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603693098803329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645847061777454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511819195985577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977848438599173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423522838041886,0.0,0.12858849287024782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945736001428916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047092633250634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28652494901997283,0.0,0.0,0.13680170831787694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151438041367304,0.0,0.0,0.0830881737147925,0.0,0.0,0.09928829126788123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491148239408594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638479926938927,0.07376706111008109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244919217997648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104940664770003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fimuckmylife,2018/01/28,"I'm in this hole far too often Hi guys. I feel a little guilty coming here again. All I seem to do is complain lately. I wish I had something positive to contribute.

Things have been rough. My boyfriend is having a lot of medical issues and we can't afford the surgery he needs. I don't really want to go into his personal info but without these surgeries he will be permanently and irreversibly disabled. Needless to say this has been stressful.

I never really realized how stressful the caretaker role is. He needs my assistance to do even the most basic things. Without me he would be completely helpless. Watching him go through this and knowing there is something we could do to fix it if we could just afford it is really weighing me down. Everything kinda seems hopeless, you know? We don't have any way to get the money we need. I've begun to despair pretty badly.

Through all this I feel guilty for having this kind of reaction. I'm not the one going through it, he is. I just kinda feel like getting depressed is making it about me when really he's the one suffering. I know the situation is putting me under a lot of stress but I feel like I don't deserve to be the one breaking down. And he needs me. I have to be strong for him but I'm not.

That's another reason I feel guilty. He needs me, and here I am considering suicide. Pretty selfish, huh? I'm pathetic. I know he has it worse, but I'm the one ready to check out? It's just kind of hard not to hate myself for that right now.

Anyway, a kind word would be appreciated. I feel so overwhelmed with this situation and guilty for the way I feel. I wish I was strong enough to pull it together. I wish I didn't want to die. I know I'm needed here, which I also know is a lot better off than some people are who feel like they have no purpose. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I don't deserve to feel this way. Sticking around shouldn't be something that's hard for me. But it is hard. Is there some way I can not hate myself for that? I feel like a pretty shitty human being.",1.9786870503597096,4.07677096642686,3.586541366906477,87.91693435251803,79.14388489208632,6.4721582733812975,23.13483213429257,7.554174236665415,1.0424245083932862,1611,53,330,24,40,534,184,417,0.182,0.6659999999999999,0.152,-0.9343,2,0,3,1,0,3,44.0,5,1,1,3,20,25,2,4,16,1,49,2,0,3,3,85,96,16,2,17,15,0,15,5,0,4,1,2,0,3,25,16,1,0,22,0,2,6,15,14,0,4,5,18,49,11,42,78,9,28,0,6,1,0,28,11,0,13,11,230,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376883509566102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572298136329615,0.07050311024255236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059854551100436824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613949188667546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946503269751139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057918108468322425,0.07049596857871115,0.0,0.0,0.10736540955103298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791051619624885,0.0,0.06978065153942596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947305873372253,0.0,0.0444089339992858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042764009176425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739635609320409,0.2401680873448136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702563706442877,0.0,0.114635795524869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406835134437692,0.06657449583796267,0.0,0.0,0.18069152206152125,0.13276382854514826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017721597133589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004874156696915,0.2217078325036573,0.0,0.07584546129263907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424127001825398,0.06738842402455214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148566259327228,0.0,0.0,0.04488074423304629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773348638484787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991291329227974,0.05185677016962398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224419492291166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046613176151673465,0.05870813311934981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521042985218274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759104006879359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229315070121726,0.06913010208977974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741942244446265,0.0,0.10693798951832346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241878246646774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115280924947927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528533774639405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105682166684705,0.0,0.0,0.07354558600833593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933760405999677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564902593905317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931540920303964,0.2134761427904065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231955238419867,0.1296267642948414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685195214680432,0.09552545955961557,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arctxdan,2018/01/28,"need help I would give so much for my parents to love me
I really need love and can't find it anywhere
I'm still a kid & i've been hooking up with older men because I need somebody to love me
I just want to be held when I cry, not yelled at, belittled, and attacked
I just want to give and receive love, share the things that bring me joy
I just want somebody to come home to
I just want a man to love me and to love
I just want love i just want love I just want love
Am i incapable? Why do I seem so repellent of good people who wont take advantage of me?
Why did my parents have me if they don't love me?
Why am I here?
I have a gun somebody please talk to me",0.9630313199105132,2.0209164832214768,2.7947818791946344,97.14080816554814,78.79865771812081,6.3089485458612975,21.812639821029077,6.816661863887847,0.1721404921700218,512,14,132,5,12,171,77,149,0.07200000000000001,0.546,0.383,0.9948,2,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,12,15,1,0,4,0,12,10,0,0,0,29,40,8,0,12,9,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,1,26,14,15,34,1,8,0,0,0,10,23,2,0,2,3,80,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379753334038043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848479591395028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527716915319308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745715742752315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509204034203084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912254660319934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608984882278252,0.0,0.0726100148668461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802541178926805,0.0,0.08683581910791595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7813195069965856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636382151134792,0.1925695688580564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224937839460016,0.0,0.0,0.0600160816629592,0.0,0.0,0.09502682458597493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055458352423821904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880921503483299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913415798134485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508915460902072,0.06958092605647154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057512632516089464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35742469492532425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23434531758968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149617184599177,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alee1994,2018/01/28,Help please Been struggling for the last couple of years. Thought id turn everything around and get my life on the right track in 2018 but 28 days later my lifes been set back for about 2 years. Growing old and still chasing targets which I should have achieved long time ago and these set backs have put me behind again.,8.503010752688175,7.2353204838709715,5.982903225806452,88.97768817204303,61.903225806451616,8.911827956989248,31.956989247311824,6.42735559955562,1.5088537634408603,258,7,54,1,3,71,52,62,0.051,0.861,0.08800000000000001,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,8,4,0,21,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,13,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974969724347765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833744416608395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426357986967245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652173470609803,0.0,0.14368626986687272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002364644365537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640275245395178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933679417042414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816100956912124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147376139887893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716920727209372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378900848866174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24456528452400236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397351394844975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026826337762448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792676005644795,0.0,0.0,0.2329168304300396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687671474066213,0.12991529779562352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423402315833229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869491975574332
suicidewatch,eccthrowaway,2018/01/28,"idk what else to do i've been depressed for about 5 years now and suicidal for 4, and i've tried almost everything i can to not be this way. i've been to therapy and have taken multiple antidepressants (which did help my anxiety but not my depression and i didn't like the side effects). i've tried exercising, i go to the gym about 6 hours a week. i've tried mindfulness (again, good for anxiety, but didn't make me happy). i've tried most coping mechanisms out there but i'm always unhappy in the end. i'm going to college next semester and it seems like it would be best to end it before i get involved in all that.

 i don't really have many friends anymore so i don't feel like it would be too painful for a lot of people. i have one pretty close friend but she lives really far away. and i don't think she really understands me which sucks. she's wonderful otherwise and she really doesn't deserve me dragging her down with my depression. i haven't even told her about the suicide stuff, it'd scare her too much. but she'd probably be a little upset if i ended my life which is one of the reasons i haven't done it yet. but i don't really think that's fair either cause i'd be happier if i did it, so i hope she'd want me to be happy. also i don't think my mother would handle it well, especially if she found the body. 

i just don't see any other solution. i hope you are all having a nice day and any response would be appreciated",2.5854844961240318,3.9920741196013294,4.551083887043191,84.77165351605761,75.24584717607974,8.6047065337763,23.83734772978959,9.188382445141503,1.761102879291251,1134,34,245,27,24,389,151,301,0.124,0.65,0.226,0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,0,2,15,20,1,2,10,0,38,4,1,4,2,49,59,20,2,10,13,1,1,3,2,4,3,0,0,0,17,11,0,0,10,2,0,2,13,7,1,2,10,2,37,13,22,35,7,23,0,3,1,0,17,9,1,10,14,161,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965861861884672,0.0,0.0,0.07713537731548427,0.08025864963033279,0.0,0.0,0.13118600814661546,0.0,0.1475762890495329,0.0,0.09565787415657798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062305723453436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207647175178429,0.0,0.10122402924751073,0.0,0.0,0.10714024506707813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908630263783187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220577665657665,0.0,0.2492307770505849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870739963327503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805761398812202,0.0,0.2562926603997475,0.0,0.0,0.06370790578071824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668792638839702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877076659980891,0.06890778274634904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575840699108294,0.1490424611607996,0.0,0.05039398425521184,0.0,0.109635694182819,0.08090224341404867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535721039290808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465204555300594,0.0,0.0,0.19160402359571274,0.09498917498545337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812932696822807,0.1413697616222453,0.09667368661756894,0.08517191712762534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200296240250464,0.0,0.0,0.06438475251428935,0.09779067281793034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739249399931507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090584375981293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025814504419798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072139943078154,0.0,0.10263538451079947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687005444576972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812985476040924,0.10399527393083167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089591108996436,0.0991722528313323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656871821619033,0.0,0.07686249435929507,0.08780940631551072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104183974514968,0.21101318325191631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030519723298417,0.0,0.0,0.18541424605418305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216730259853596,0.0,0.26194763815348804,0.0,0.0,0.10041351055271816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056891915223045285,0.07656183546052407,0.07737073265164714,0.0,0.08672502079019202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460180582134897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27407669715204924,0.0,0.0,0.06211413836401958
suicidewatch,PittsburghFan8771,2018/01/28,"Closer and closer everyday I can’t explain it. I’ve seen 3 counselor and they all make me feel like a piece of shit. I’m broke, live with my parents and am stuck at a job I hate that pays like crap. I’m stuck in a hole I can’t get out of. I can’t help but to cry, even at the smallest things.

Everyday I have more and more thoughts of ending it all. I have a gun loaded on my dresser. I keep staring at.",0.2507967032967073,1.5637643406593398,2.4616346153846145,97.67399038461541,81.41758241758242,5.429120879120879,21.26510989010989,5.985473137389443,-0.10386923076923082,309,9,79,2,8,105,58,91,0.21600000000000005,0.721,0.062,-0.9052,2,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,5,0,6,2,2,1,2,14,18,5,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,4,3,11,2,11,14,5,11,0,1,2,0,4,8,2,0,5,48,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31444256740591225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535409090458495,0.0,0.0,0.18907166892555946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474138056811892,0.2045038104164974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495587492663277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28262194535430313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187367725180804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28406833653867136,0.2544405546487359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797038184190969,0.0,0.2527723415102975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108040771480148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178572460279264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938412148398116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017806076707533,0.0,0.0,0.2272580301863161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinythrowawayy,2018/01/29,"How do I tell my mother I’m having suicidal thoughts? I need to tell her, she deserves to know.",0.997,2.9959167000000018,3.0599999999999987,90.935,82.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.094,74,3,16,1,2,25,16,20,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22949993863388185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096422750344457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567824407040976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7299949326552615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315247198031918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_lostghost,2018/01/29,"My family neglects my health and me as a person My family neglects my health especially my mother. She makes up excuses by saying how I am an adult and can take care of myself even though my siblings are all adults themselves and cater to their needs and takes care of them by buying them medicine and taking them to doctor appointments whenever they show signs of feeling unwell or something is wrong. I have underlying mental illness probably from being unknown from being neglected all my life and having my feelings invalidated all the time. I haven't been to a doctor in years. My mom could care less about what I have to say. Everything goes through one ear out the other. I believe I have some type of mental delay or something from not being taught at a young age properly maybe cause I was born premature and my brain wasn't developed right or something who knows. But I'm not like most people my age (almost mid 20's) I have a hard time understanding people , don't understand jokes sometimes, I don't like socializing and I like being by myself, I don't know about politics, I don't know how to rent or buy a home, or even pay bills, I don't know how the whole world works at all. The only income I get is food for groceries other than that no income at all. I only save money from birthdays and holidays that are given to me so I stay frugal. I spend none. But when it comes to my siblings they get thousands of dollars a month all of them have money from working. My one sister gets money from going to a community college and has a ton saved. So I buy groceries not only for me but my whole family and they get whatever they want. It's like my EBT belongs to them. I rarely ever get anything for me. I feel like I care more about them than they do me. My mom thinks I'm fine all the time. I make my own food. I do my own laundry. I clean up after my siblings. But I only do this to not have her clean up after me. I don't like having people do things for me especially when she's doing things for my other siblings. They don't even cook for themselves at all. They always tend to go out to eat. So my sister been coughing and haven't ate for awhile and my mom and whole family is worried for her. Even though once a couple months back she told me to stop coughing and throwing up cause I was being irritating instead of taking me to the hospital. During my sickness I lost 20 lbs cause I didn't eat at all for like 2 months. But it's all different when it comes to my siblings. Now for the past years I've had back problems. It's gotten worse. At first it kept cracking very easily as if I had a bubble in my back. Then it went to my spine as if I had to crack it so many times. Now it's like a shooting pain that hurts whenever I move, lay, sit or twist. It connects to my rib. It feels like a big bruise there as if I sprained or broke something. I made this very clear to my mom a lot of times and all she tells me is that it's from me bending over and texting all the time which is a lie and then tells me to just lay on the hard floor and that it will help. This pisses me off. How many times do I have to complain or tell her until she listens to me? I barely ask for help and when I do I get shut down and ignored. Especially from everyone. My siblings are ranging from 20-28 and they all get pampered except for me. I was diagnosed at 11 with anxiety, depression, trichotillomania. They haven't been diagnosed with anything but they get catered to even for minor things. This is my health they're playing with. It's pissing me off cause it is my spine. They're all worried for my sister cause she's been coughing for a few weeks but I had that problem not so long ago. I had a rough life so you can't judge me. I suffer from bad depression and anxiety and get wake up angry. I used to be really happy but people for years have been letting me down and acting as if I'm not a person so I'm becoming dull and don't even feel like a person.",3.3855166051660532,4.536981011070111,4.542470479704799,86.6293514760148,72.83763837638377,7.388019680196803,24.86611316113161,7.793537801064563,1.1757875522755228,3114,92,655,40,60,1023,310,813,0.146,0.789,0.065,-0.996,4,0,4,1,0,0,63.0,0,1,17,4,35,39,2,0,28,0,66,29,8,13,16,121,120,71,0,9,28,8,8,10,0,1,15,5,4,5,34,33,6,7,12,5,11,8,22,19,0,4,24,13,122,20,102,87,27,79,0,10,0,0,54,30,2,16,49,470,156,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045740276929980686,0.0,0.051669935433242886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293532448073535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894770077977717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849247887726386,0.0,0.048239024277710485,0.0,0.0,0.11903161951271735,0.04308383552597162,0.0,0.05698813390339235,0.0,0.05813551770917995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760265292370626,0.0,0.0,0.21043851119265453,0.2650370131410605,0.0,0.08889764318714281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04119839252920978,0.05709440643926859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888598992166806,0.10474580543438562,0.0,0.05391100606217489,0.0,0.10562955054825256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055993415044792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448783670908952,0.04667514425323721,0.0,0.04930600080874867,0.04637474297401152,0.0,0.19457550958962308,0.0,0.13045252435605445,0.11058912746811356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389092432830879,0.1247898231657488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242629781120958,0.0,0.058650925801659114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549291478444327,0.09244690984082778,0.0,0.0,0.16454512631605972,0.0,0.0,0.06917276996179343,0.0,0.05175899622574265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523885549720866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343201810814604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276448481254247,0.07289319652169826,0.2520914823499729,0.0,0.0,0.045664366554625135,0.0,0.0,0.056327483480192016,0.04386846545948395,0.0,0.04882515727714789,0.06888678674623729,0.10462857992169428,0.051839124513295726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400130503622523,0.0,0.0,0.2417331341556881,0.12355985690761816,0.05484262228315656,0.0,0.03826073806144519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495230429959756,0.0699309760005633,0.15697646743636484,0.05490602642173987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925802821120715,0.1430917414582799,0.13516536040921592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563351553071355,0.0987484415852746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033056274280354334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406610871340416,0.0,0.08206876473313883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259969069931876,0.0,0.15889677008039832,0.051033708581364426,0.0,0.0,0.05499872273310871,0.0,0.04313990134256965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518708027885558,0.0,0.13530199438076518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284221971695896,0.033063189468692314,0.10139345451352884,0.0,0.21061858000899933,0.0,0.0,0.04930600080874867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743481675030077,0.0,0.04456582317923618,0.0,0.08515078991289395,0.03043501045286412,0.0,0.041390398754668434,0.0,0.0,0.047833706809965904,0.0,0.17282863510628546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513081316645066,0.10480458721205904,0.052584797155033065,0.0,0.056416487727075124,0.0,0.0996861035334148
suicidewatch,PuzzleheadedOriginal,2018/01/29,"urge to stab myself in the neck I don't know why,but I've been having an urge to stab myself in the neck. It scaresme but sometimes I'll just hold a knife up to my neck.
I feel like I'm a fake or something because I'm not doing it. I feel nauseous thinking about this.
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suicidewatch,14984_2,2018/01/29,Not really a post Tried typing out some stuff here. Failed at that too. Bye.,-0.4039999999999999,1.4091539333333358,0.5199999999999996,100.24000000000002,109.66666666666666,4.666666666666667,5.0,6.42735559955562,-1.5830000000000002,59,0,13,1,3,18,15,15,0.202,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,9,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440325181230078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639057982381008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6502785263032871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856669903715575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeusares1,2018/01/29,"Really starting to hate myself and the way I feel I’m 22 F and I have no friends. I wasn’t always this way... I had a lot of friends and felt confident. That is until I started dating my girlfriend in secret. None of my friends know that I’m gay. They’d never accept me but instead make fun of me or shun me out. And because I’m hiding this enormous secret from them, I have been keeping my distance. Naturally, we grew apart and now I don’t even talk to anyone besides my girlfriend. I was okay with this until my girlfriend and I started arguing every week. We constantly argue and due to my lack of confidence, I always find myself apologizing. This makes me feel so small and I learned that I have started disrespecting myself. I no longer want to be in my own body and wish that I could start my life all over again. 

I reach out to my friends about how hard life has been or how depressed I’ve been feeling and ask if they’d like to meet and talk. Just hang out in general. They either say they’re busy or flake on the day of. I constantly find myself saying “maybe it’s just me” or “what is wrong with me”. I have no one else to talk to because no one else knows that I’m gay. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I feel sad because I know how heartbroken my dad would be if he found out that I took my own life. But waking up everyday has been getting harder and harder and I seriously want everything to stop. All the headache and sadness. ",1.7032137931034477,3.7609240800000014,3.155149425287356,90.86700000000002,79.86666666666667,6.004597701149424,23.34482758620689,7.0983637204850245,0.7841551724137932,1144,39,244,14,29,374,146,300,0.177,0.7120000000000001,0.112,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,2,0,4,0,12,16,3,0,4,1,24,8,2,5,3,69,53,28,0,8,12,1,6,1,7,1,4,2,0,0,13,23,0,2,16,0,0,3,9,8,0,2,10,8,50,8,32,37,8,36,0,3,0,2,27,13,0,7,19,169,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728984060562023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303620883590328,0.07264600150419727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712807004713407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000081090468424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540424416490327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454779508880696,0.0,0.08295193394397431,0.0,0.0,0.06700386613124246,0.0,0.08948485986800707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358236421609727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862185828816833,0.0,0.08753626164785315,0.0,0.09337438622445143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013031856591596,0.0,0.09975577005318263,0.0,0.18991682319367828,0.0,0.0,0.11391582141004895,0.3210769691252883,0.0,0.05428100019548855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306977150872814,0.10257508802582786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234690624507504,0.0,0.0,0.22839253416422334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29353725966594313,0.05075799007669345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832805907265891,0.0,0.0,0.1387018238572068,0.0,0.10437678191671054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013045154200911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080427282990512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655798229490885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524340715915498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36768810023424897,0.0,0.0,0.08686111342769531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052129258030553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543148848458218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256026615019855,0.1649344883926245,0.08333853368132535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194744545493361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380423214974621,0.11359318837426338,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnemployedThrowAway6,2018/01/29,"It doesn't get better Hello, 

I've been lurking on here and /r/depression for the past 2 months.  I don't know if I have the courage to ends things, but if things don't change by March I'm pretty sure that I'm in for an attempt. 

I often lurk to see what methods others are using.  I'm thinking of laying my head on a train rail when it is dark in hopes of a quick decapitation. 

I had a decent'ish job working as a freight broker , had a book of business with regular clients, and my life seemed pretty stable.. 
However, last May a coworker died kayaking, and this made me feel that I wasn't being adventurous enough.  I started hiking a lot, and I think I got in somewhat of a manic phase where I just was careless with my future. 

A bunch of train-kids were coming through my city, and I wanted to give away everything and join them.  After being assaulted in July I didn't join them, but my behavior at work led to me being fired(after 2 years) - and then going on my own backpacking adventure through Virginia... from Richmond to the beaches (Ocean View, Chesapeake Bay Beach, Virginia Beach) .. 

During this hike I ran out of money, but got accustomed to skimming the tops of trash cans, getting lucky with random people offering me food, relying on burning my own fat, etc.  

After getting back to my city (Pittsburgh) I wasn't really able to get my life stabilized to the point of getting an apartment until November as I had to file for unemployment and then contest the initial decision (which was against me) in order to get it.  So, I was homeless for a little while, but I was having fun with it up to October.  

I keep applying to jobs, going to interviews, and then not moving forward.  How much this has occurred has even led to me skipping some interviews.. as I feel that it will just be another awkward conversation followed up by me getting a rejection letter the following week.  

Life has become incredibly boring being unemployed during the winter.  I look for various netflix series to binge on, scroll online, but everything feels pointless.  

I'm 27 , and have been without a job for 7 months now.. this is the longest I've not had a job since I was 16 , and I never thought it would suck this much.   

The reason this makes me want to commit suicide is simple:  I don't want to be homeless during the winter next year.  I don't plan on making this decision rashly.. I just feel like I threw any opportunity my life had down the drain, and now I just don't see a path forward for me in life at all.  Just more rejection from prospective employers followed by unemployment running out, followed by being homeless.. 

Life has become so boring and futile... and I just wanted to say something about it anonymously... 

Also, feel free to pm me suicide methods
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suicidewatch,OneGate,2018/01/29,"[19M] UK. I’m finished.! I can’t do life anymore. Everything you can possibly imagine is wrong in my life. Depression, loneliness, crap education. Shit career. Things that I can’t achieve. I’ve failed compared to everyone else. I’m the only one. I’m so behind. 

I always feel different to others and I feel nothing has changed since 13. I’m still a joke to people. I still have no respect from anyone. I am an outcast. 

I have the rope ready. But I’m still on the fence. It’s getting to the point where I don’t care if my family are upset about losing me. They treat me
Like shit too. 

I can’t name one person in my life that respects me. I’m such a serious person. 
I feel so empty, angry and upset. I feel like suicide is the only option for a broken guy like me. ",-0.5801687763713055,1.624117006329115,2.2129430379746857,90.92253691983123,97.29113924050634,4.911814345991561,19.2415611814346,6.6274283507984215,0.4447839662447253,589,20,122,9,24,204,96,158,0.27,0.598,0.133,-0.9759,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,1,1,3,9,18,3,2,9,0,13,6,3,0,0,12,25,6,1,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,10,0,2,0,4,20,8,11,25,0,9,0,3,0,0,6,5,3,2,7,73,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079911808287247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397684098873498,0.10151132233227728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801790175215404,0.0,0.15357830124883062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504096943856025,0.0,0.0,0.1516793471583793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127697987700632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387231023853724,0.1304759686885341,0.0,0.1368602091821748,0.0,0.2936239580714761,0.10371467029591268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584913131171142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437483214836456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076289964227556,0.21277884198414132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241622959630794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930150548053974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967517499799709,0.220827710695257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006476391069222,0.2535263838538208,0.0,0.0,0.13723944506149022,0.16366555800832874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29804476165401594,0.1200921375014916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34781626472434996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588003695433304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964493269333338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872855382336107,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noirwrath,2018/01/29,"i don't know what to do. My name is Ethan and i'm 16, going on 17 next month. I'm in the 11th grade. I usually don't tell my personal information online, or in person for that matter, I keep everything to myself. But I feel the need to tell somebody this. I've always been a reserved person, I hesitate to open up to people and let myself go. I guess I was more open back then but ever since I moved after the 6th grade I became more antisocial. I had a few friends but I wasn't very close to them. I only saw them at school and occasionally emailed them. I had a girlfriend who I thought I fell in love with in the 5th grade, but by 6th grade I realized I might be gay. I think I've always sort of knew but I just kept it at the back of my mind. When I was younger I used to search up sexy men or muscular guys on my dads' computer. Being the young and dumb kid I was I didn't know about search history and my dad ended up arguing with my mom about it, thinking she searched that up. Speaking of my mom and dad they aren't on good terms right now. She's left him multiple times and has threatened divorce more than I can count. We live together now but they argue almost constantly. My mother is very religious to the point where she convinced herself that Pokemon are demons. I argue with her nearly every week over stupid shit because she's so close-minded and refuses to acknowledge anything I say. She still feeds and provides for me and I feel that she means well but at the same time she does things that make me think otherwise. She's said on multiple occasions she wishes I hadn't been born. When I told her I was gay she said the devil has tricked me into thinking that way. I wish I hadn't. I wish I was straight. I cry myself to sleep sometimes knowing that I won't experience what other boys do. I don't have any friends to talk to, none in person at least. I have a few online friends, but I've drifted from them lately. School is going horribly. I'm failing to the point where I'm afraid I won't pass. Even if I do pass and manage to graduate HS I there is no way I'll be able to go to college. On top of all that with all the shitty news I'm constantly hearing about I'm just so tired of this world. I've contemplated and attempted suicide multiple times but I can't bring myself to do it. Really, the only thing keeping me from committing is will power and music. I have nothing going for me. I don't know what to do anymore.",1.3586947441698598,3.466657416173576,3.089425687434737,90.61926209537071,81.34714003944774,6.3433344935607385,22.16997331476969,7.5105763829236425,0.8480325559809727,1918,62,414,30,51,636,239,507,0.145,0.772,0.083,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,1,1,44.0,1,0,6,4,20,17,7,1,16,0,44,8,3,2,4,75,85,30,1,5,14,6,2,0,4,4,1,5,0,8,20,22,1,4,16,0,0,11,14,10,1,0,20,8,82,7,59,57,11,70,2,1,1,3,58,33,2,7,24,275,102,11,0.08411774922082181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423177506095278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399854117682353,0.0,0.0,0.05720295399068905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342220411357225,0.0,0.0,0.06922174031200318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293627137440488,0.0,0.05127739917229218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180280705964535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239939765386602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361200920264999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450335833891186,0.0,0.0,0.05555898002696562,0.07608932000226132,0.07087283168731752,0.0,0.0755996090558938,0.08228329966854353,0.0,0.0,0.08506492292322959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496749315472414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390302768824227,0.07055397710684512,0.0,0.0,0.09266518428563704,0.08328979670230678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948068168636643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953544096915888,0.0,0.0,0.18491566041029245,0.0,0.09488848503234727,0.0,0.09139418065363536,0.086016097730165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427751367059234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591955284798999,0.0,0.05614925078992603,0.0,0.0,0.09162888886466508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923563890560926,0.1698698948764381,0.1970353824738959,0.06714198489792075,0.08940385516595006,0.0,0.06237224519510917,0.0,0.0,0.08946018059140265,0.0,0.0,0.08071324904562062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795067754677278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831665589734503,0.2937934961871277,0.0,0.0,0.15903692454606358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053887984108928685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183609822300863,0.16003048455949856,0.0668938104196325,0.0,0.17026330608754447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634566077063628,0.06958307140429948,0.0,0.08417849805330949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319460486467095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717654318707464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201116478441776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761066049998747,0.1470452409177529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176818970043614,0.2155970286994232,0.0,0.06678009683756607,0.14714920808304402,0.09668097850853948,0.0,0.08037811416744431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265072739039068,0.09264381670063912,0.13881190526107798,0.0,0.13353750794509728,0.06747418452052746,0.0,0.07563195868508323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29019378079930264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abbysdying,2018/01/29,"Is this only me? When I finally have my mind set on suicide, I sometimes think to myself, and this could be for many reasons such as nervousness or just simply overthinking etc, that why should I have to be the one to die while everybody who’s made my life shit gets to live? And I tell myself that death is what i’ve wanted for so long and I’ll be better off anywhere else than here in this world. But this question always pops up at some point. Don’t know why. Any ideas? ",3.5616642120765865,4.61356313402062,4.047275405007365,90.72670103092787,72.29896907216495,7.192341678939616,23.135493372606767,7.447530270364453,0.7126359351988221,372,9,81,4,7,117,75,97,0.17800000000000002,0.794,0.028,-0.9497,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,1,0,10,2,1,2,0,17,15,9,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,9,1,13,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,3,4,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350510008657745,0.0,0.0,0.13362784877870856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378972586644936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689056447953456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039376714632932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415189984569326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915126367321647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215257934044624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266399294482688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182642541361008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799215854369873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879491464258645,0.0,0.0,0.1735145420295594,0.17389776167300708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593459637005688,0.0,0.1992218137269344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841063302691128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331545920335888,0.14944834661105494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575755814054132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012680048880115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203640604077674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170610248614654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943451395861514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494089301343272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175108841568376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591031204819764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590175433434498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546243198454335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Momo_buns_,2018/01/29,"Goodbye I have been struggling with bulimia and depression, being suicidal for years now. Tried whatever I could think of, did not get better. I give up. I just wanted someone to know, since I did not even write a single note (not that I have too many people to write to).
Thank you for reading, I wish you all a better life or at least peace. ",3.9694029850746233,5.335076089552242,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,71.68656716417911,7.748059701492537,25.34029850746269,8.238735603445708,1.4826441791044784,266,8,53,4,5,85,50,67,0.212,0.6709999999999999,0.117,-0.7971,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,15,14,2,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,9,3,9,9,3,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297243905275962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396918277064304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092453341795016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046070464552173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692701360046896,0.2330518201330532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351440736954825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159691059340573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463047572484161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684251887510662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430074480679421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009638885291708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058437179255447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539754179392525,0.0,0.2657387937898982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366808134132432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566723474674826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494147030595174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329331177114407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27937097074258704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644649260086932
suicidewatch,CrippleMrOnion,2018/01/29,"The Monster is out tonight. Hello.
I'm alone and scared. It's nightime here in france (sorry for le bad anglish btw), and my depression is rising its ugly head. I'm afraid I could not take much more abuse. My life is desintegrating all around me. I'm a 32 old male with no job and no true friends, my family is full of strangers. I have no connexion with any living soul. This could be worse (it always can be) but my tiny little will to live is no match for this crushing dullness.
Maybe it's time to pull the plug. But I'm so afraid of more emptiness !
I will certainly not kill myself tonight. But I think about it. It has become an obsession. Like a fantasy. It cannot be sane.
I've tried medication (AD made it worse with an actual attempt when on it and out of my mind), therapy (and not being taken seriously), alternate medication (byebye money...zero benefit)...am I out of option ? Is this really what my life has become, for ever ?
Merde... And I am crying again.
Thanks for your time... I know it's pathetic but I think I needed to write something, anything...",1.2970334928229654,3.8137193157894735,3.1402564593301463,87.43859521531103,85.50717703349281,6.597588516746413,20.80019138755981,7.839951260653429,1.1286293205741624,823,26,165,17,25,274,126,209,0.218,0.698,0.084,-0.9804,1,1,1,0,1,1,50.0,0,1,0,1,7,14,1,4,6,0,20,5,1,1,4,34,32,12,1,3,7,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,14,13,0,0,3,1,1,2,8,9,0,0,2,0,18,5,21,22,5,18,1,2,0,0,5,8,0,1,9,106,32,1,0.0,0.16570757137147948,0.13648017169354465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484958238911594,0.0,0.0,0.11637215464421345,0.0,0.0,0.0951074961858393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509032214966733,0.12450230323475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677467985001135,0.0,0.3089219430246232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233287282434948,0.0,0.1536262508640606,0.0,0.0,0.1204585535333445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650858403354642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184464986458885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080531034265224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353354062522294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878640507120404,0.0,0.1547309518107754,0.0,0.07686170136439313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757014627757685,0.06832702284964216,0.1401733677417133,0.2469924315191609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323359919111291,0.0,0.0,0.14050506633969115,0.0,0.0,0.2817822506723835,0.0,0.0,0.14121561258601667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281092260088122,0.10370212826704098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467563028765917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959591918866162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002116733597195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766868379298576,0.0,0.15655836294062764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515499255803948,0.0,0.0,0.12876145437413422,0.159938567737949,0.0,0.0,0.17922932431117342,0.0,0.0,0.16310338039285352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495366292695304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850522836600813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tmacx56,2018/01/29,I’m gonna kill myself I won’t be missed I’ll be forgotten easily no one wants me around anymore so fuck it this is the best time to do it goodbye everyone ,-1.826476190476189,-0.04143702857142628,1.5192857142857152,94.55988095238098,105.0,5.761904761904763,17.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,0.5317619047619044,124,4,29,3,6,44,31,35,0.344,0.51,0.146,-0.8356,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,10,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,6,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744072031785693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360807433016784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961932670904961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607450227667196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34901936544600937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176797693315862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558233391030358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014012549667786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222676314416798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ciles_Gorey,2018/01/29,"having mostly grown up mentally ill/suicidal... Did anyone have difficulty thinking up or talking about goals and ""the future"" because it just didn't feel like something you'd have? Thoughts like ""oh well I'll be gone/dead before I get there"" about stuff you'd have to do as an adult?? 

Assuming you're now an ""adult"", do you now feel lost and get thoughts like ""I wasn't supposed to make it this far"" or anything like that? 

If you've already gotten through that point and figured out ""how to adult"" or whatever... What was it like? How long did it take? What helped? Anything? 


(I'm twenty and I've been mentally ill for like ever and I have a handful or so of stuff like childhood traumas including CSA...)",2.474936974789916,4.932255779411765,3.0353361344537824,90.60294117647062,79.44117647058823,5.944537815126051,25.890756302521005,7.1686216300943375,1.2224638655462186,550,22,109,7,14,171,83,136,0.191,0.794,0.015,-0.9654,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,0,2,11,10,0,0,4,0,16,2,1,3,1,24,28,14,0,1,6,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,11,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,10,3,6,8,12,15,1,12,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,7,13,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349300209977292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992986624566656,0.0,0.2587525890728383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583809751783497,0.0,0.1337801900936499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221188648707542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898740010333415,0.11231594241303504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427891329507785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537932198378663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376584066770942,0.0,0.0,0.1391322044499124,0.0,0.0,0.17162105902291042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494364885155998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31687575952791136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862099608805948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103342041770596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599519785784724,0.17197001263089656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820770882430973,0.12636516630789527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073838276988777,0.0,0.2496256649626414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413570724905753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InternetXploder,2018/01/29,I was contemplating suicide this morning. Found out later today that one of my family members attempted to kill them selves last night. I've been having a rough few years and every time I think I'm getting close to something good in my life it gets kicked out from under me. The past few days have been especially bad. I slept about 3 hours last night and woke up at 2am. I went for a drive and was contemplating suicide (not then but at a later time). I decided to go into work like normal but a few hours into work I found out that one of my immediate family members tried to OD on meds last night. Luckily they survived but it seemed so weird that I would be having those thoughts at the same time. I don't feel suicidal right now I just feel really weird about the whole situation. I just needed to write this because I can't really talk to anyone else about it.,5.137509196006307,5.6673899710982685,5.890457172884918,80.84291644771416,68.36416184971098,9.2966894377299,26.709931686810304,9.339509955726095,2.0057560693641623,687,19,139,13,11,225,107,173,0.093,0.799,0.108,0.672,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,4,7,6,1,0,7,0,11,2,1,0,0,28,26,8,5,3,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,10,3,17,2,25,14,5,36,0,0,0,0,4,14,0,1,20,88,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463790058573373,0.12402552553965493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106802304495724,0.07378827653545085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806440055958556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011180696924512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019861418053368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22822204484711836,0.0,0.12240858852914975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654405133939509,0.0,0.0,0.12648266396257235,0.0,0.06879300610268124,0.10152730944764564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384110738083687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391902614047801,0.0,0.0,0.29600496836974577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854980896656073,0.059136767737927434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445437797752002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975378141020349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407792977687644,0.11859899125040545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404726755863488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555172536573198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508982661180726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337228421232783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019537149028932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606033021615468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318681951247193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39721273198642576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729187116052693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756113526956518,0.0,0.09609668844470452,0.21174799489189627,0.0,0.11473707885491717,0.0,0.0,0.08218201929759743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122104873713269,0.0,0.1351430937883955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624528233833406,0.0,0.0,0.08598732392911843,0.0,0.0,0.07794940017278443
suicidewatch,D_B30,2018/01/29,"Giving up This is my first post here. I have read many posts and conversations in the past and am reaching out as a last ditch effort to save my own life. 

Backstory. I’m a gay male, 30 years old, and have been “out” for about 2 1/2 years. 

I met a man who changed my life a few years ago. He brought a ton of joy to my life but crushed me over and over again with bullshit reasons to leave, and then beg for me back. It was the first time in my life I ever was happy and content with my sexuality. 

After 4 breakups (same man), being fucked over financially by said person, being crushed repeatedly by broken promises (I will pay you back, I want to marry you, I’ll never leave again), I’m 7 months post-breakup, one month zero contact, and feeling like I want to die. I absolutely hate existing and I don’t care to even get out of bed anymore. I hate the area I live in...I have a ton of friends and a wonderful, supportive family, but I hate my life. 

I lost 55 pounds the first time he left, in two short months I went from a little overweight to skin and bones. Didn’t sleep for weeks on end. Cried every day. 

I’ve tried 8 different mental health medications, all of which my body rejected and made me feel insane. I’ve seen 8 different therapists, a psychiatrist several times, a general doctor too many times to count. 

I don’t know what to do. I feel that this person has destroyed me. I’ve been actively dating the past month and have tried also when we have been apart (longest time being 4 months besides the most recent and final one). 

I have blocked his number, completely deleted all of my social media accounts. I just feel awful. 

When will this stop? Is suicide the only way out? I’m out of options. It’s sad really..I’m a handsome guy, I’m educated, I have a good job, I own a home and have wonderful friends and family. 

I find myself researching suicide constantly and every time I drive I think about how “easy” it could be to have an accident. I don’t have any ambition to live, work, eat, sleep, or be productive anymore and I envy people who have these tragedies end their lives abruptly. 

I guess this is a cry for help. Or maybe a place to vent. I hate my life, and I know it sounds selfish to take it, but I feel it’s somewhat selfish for my loved ones to make me feel guilty about not wanting to exist anymore. 

Any insight? I tried to keep it brief. Also, this was my first true love. :/",3.171005580479264,4.672138465696467,4.262171462960938,87.05002270489113,73.9064449064449,7.4748003063792545,25.547707626655,8.119692808369301,1.4148927234927235,1866,62,392,29,38,608,249,481,0.231,0.623,0.147,-0.9955,3,1,0,0,0,5,74.0,1,2,1,7,17,25,6,0,23,1,35,20,5,4,5,69,75,30,3,4,7,0,7,1,2,2,10,2,2,6,18,26,2,3,14,1,2,4,6,11,0,9,14,10,52,14,50,53,10,70,0,3,1,4,26,19,1,8,45,237,70,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057885408508201376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444239394768692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881385701423695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428317572099346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042489731655918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253470503670692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657873543754285,0.0,0.06907981377086607,0.0,0.06846687034340886,0.070567197078714,0.0,0.05213754575830781,0.0,0.1434601942544406,0.042113751546294716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777214240405885,0.13645132117473746,0.0,0.06683835444834818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681923931659965,0.0,0.0,0.11567463134280825,0.0,0.0,0.0431307036064514,0.059068505344071265,0.11003784071528996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311996793906972,0.0,0.1981089272765666,0.04665105715513945,0.0,0.07153406849749949,0.05968394339196796,0.22218003519619536,0.0,0.0,0.1009028022240856,0.060369734815737625,0.034117084399869844,0.06264268252659247,0.0,0.05477139201214186,0.0,0.0,0.0719364285687246,0.06465827006300758,0.0,0.06951414323200772,0.0,0.2578849264308219,0.0,0.06941192383115095,0.0,0.0,0.04376989292185232,0.0,0.06550224094812516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480117987455307,0.05804254127749011,0.0,0.0,0.07177545859802145,0.053229041684530916,0.0,0.13828868933567187,0.0709497423317206,0.0,0.2767442224663126,0.0319027767575704,0.0654487708071437,0.17298597410511687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128377024216795,0.0,0.11787342857020465,0.0617893979695693,0.04358893364077606,0.13240995675805642,0.06560364520208657,0.0,0.0,0.06578390117500835,0.06580806273455263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26061323019028937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050364167358979896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852242894793144,0.0,0.13274897043255204,0.04966436341016369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246744128671998,0.045271500657626015,0.11403665257533505,0.06822566058736873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876209604501884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531868496983481,0.0,0.0,0.06714031783708134,0.06447687294532747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211621770398345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377155816008574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069634639841782,0.0665661598025745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545945713455304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428574201641197,0.07410281636781993,0.0,0.0,0.04909823540688163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758195098510339,0.0,0.04184225276792882,0.0,0.0,0.2284652769605727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300530526574975,0.0,0.06378960166724465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554868911565387,0.05183290507428976,0.052380534204001,0.0,0.0,0.0605346938190822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163232736322798,0.04753991562349715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615513531883218
suicidewatch,Thatguy23r4,2018/01/29,"I will go Hey, im Felix.
I have depression since i was 13, right now im 17, i have been happy for one year but now live just hits me harder and harder in the face. Today i totally fucked up, ive lost the only ""friend"" i could talk about that stuff by a f*cking stupid mistake. i would tell someone who just cares a bit in pm. Well, im pretty down. i dont think i will survive the Night. 

See you at whereever it ends.
Felix",-1.111666666666668,0.9194640652173902,1.380434782608699,98.82072463768117,93.13043478260867,3.936231884057971,15.27536231884058,5.46131890053228,-0.9224811594202896,322,7,77,2,12,109,68,92,0.196,0.6709999999999999,0.133,-0.8042,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,6,9,2,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,1,9,17,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,3,1,12,4,8,9,2,13,0,2,1,1,6,6,1,0,6,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911343295901416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849855143952362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978151330615432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507900845179488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518420607041565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506267877648214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526093515311693,0.1618521310832971,0.0,0.0,0.09949799812638628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636842213852176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673265206955763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459263178748994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111281771506705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429411385365725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863396909727188,0.13315087570560008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811214090207916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951135185932204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395104829089317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482216224890104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833875147177547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004166541678957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407170141684712,0.15302148430892434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217968408318776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594869600397702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741161709077012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436680819591248,0.0,0.0,0.11274124670127407
suicidewatch,Karma_Harvester_,2018/01/29,"I am the Defiant One. What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to someone that I have to feel this way? If there is a God He will have to beg me for forgiveness. 

I wake up every morning like I just ran a marathon, exhausted, tired, worn, beaten. The whispers that taunt me, mock me, begin to scream usually 6 hours after I wake up. The more I go on with my day, the worse it gets. I grow tired, it gets worse. I begin to see illusions, monstrosities, become paranoid. In the corner of my eye I see them follow me. 

Life is like a constant state of sleep paralysis. Why me? Faces in the clouds, demons on the street, hellfire in my mind. When I finally get to sleep, it doesn't end. Sleep is the demon's realm. It's lucid, I can do as I please. The only peace I have is soaring through the green and purple skies, carefree. I imagine if there is a heaven that it would be just like that. Then *he* takes over. I lose control, I lose all power, I plummet to the ground, he begins to spawns more monstrosities to hunt me in my dreams. All while laughing and mocking me. It tries to convince me to harm other people. It tells me it will go away if I take the life of someone else. It seems to target children specifically. It's not sexual, it's purely violent. Last night I had a dream where I threw a baby across a room, slamming its head into a wall and *IT* made me feel a great sense of relief. *IT* made me feel free and redeemed. With *IT* I mean *the voice*, not the act of doing it. *IT* is actively rewarding me and sending dopamine through my system whenever I commit evil deeds in my nightmares. 

So here I am, it is trying to convince me not to post, that I will be locked away, that I will be lynched for what it tells me I am. But no, this is my body, my burst of strength. It's not going to take this away from me. *IT* never told me to kill myself. That is MY choice and mine alone. Why? For the greater good. How long can I contain the beast, how long can I continue to battle before he takes over or I give in?

Your children sleep safer with me gone. It is simply the logical decision. ",-0.1293766830350087,2.183754845794393,1.6031712339616675,96.48923887216856,92.83177570093456,4.583937905908443,18.46919055916363,6.284505531432783,-0.09835320766671972,1606,48,354,18,59,521,211,428,0.131,0.722,0.14800000000000002,0.7066,1,1,0,0,0,1,80.0,0,1,1,7,10,26,7,0,26,0,35,15,10,5,5,43,64,18,2,4,11,0,3,3,0,5,5,3,1,2,37,10,0,2,9,3,1,10,7,12,0,1,10,11,61,15,52,46,5,57,3,2,5,0,14,24,0,5,22,246,98,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769732901533078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658781413899266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041799645188334,0.08026779801646043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047792548452394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193711165824704,0.10579900499387006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060834982420142784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306447870845567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880052812810197,0.0,0.08354829367861645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947700999881721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308809670986958,0.0,0.0,0.10333379572472576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785043983158652,0.09048983646272024,0.16082956969704834,0.07911944549804803,0.0,0.10399904885458967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680969259219237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289595116296936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436205930717612,0.0,0.0,0.0768914593505121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325599747077915,0.13825447450819375,0.0,0.0,0.16695798797344585,0.0,0.21106206110580564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851446623546788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102752915935496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524630956722883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275303489694074,0.0,0.0,0.08852222199578857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392038218742582,0.07174214037055353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653964761038363,0.0,0.0,0.1035459045487066,0.0,0.0,0.09034196995479772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503374363101592,0.08587439907741277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775920996629513,0.0,0.15985083799239602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836973841719377,0.0,0.16489698244680173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683668939655576,0.0,0.0901362628144459,0.0,0.12808762158892356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038910591117651,0.0,0.0,0.07487468470988735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023612713077158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226045587414087,0.0670092552057741,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeawayokay11,2018/01/29,"Once I get a rope, I’m hanging myself. I’m a 17 year old girl and I’m trapped. I cannot escape my unloving mother, I cannot get help for my mental illness, and I cannot escape the hell I endure at school.

I’ve tried to talk to my mom about my problems and all she does is yell at me and use it as an excuse to be harder on me because “I’m too weak for this world and I need to learn how to do things I don’t want to do.” even if it doesn’t matter in the long run. She has no idea the thoughts and emotions I struggle with, and I cannot tell her because when I try to, she screams at me that she’s going to send me off to be tied down and sedated. She shows me absolutely no love or compassion. I can’t take much more of this. I honestly wish she would just die at this point. I’d rather be an orphan than deal with her cruelty any longer. 

My depression and anxiety make it absolutely horrible for me to go to school. I’m not a lazy student. Up until my depression and anxiety became extreme, I was literally the top of my class. All 100’s. I begged her to let me finish my last 3 semesters of high school online and at first she agreed! But then she changed her mind and now is forcing me to go to school despite how miserable and suicidal it makes me. 

My own father took his life when I was 14. What makes her think I’m too scared to do it? She probably wants me to at this point. It seems like she’s doing everything in her power to make me more suicidal and miserable. 

My 18th birthday is in less than 9 months, and upon reaching this age, I will inherit a decent amount of money that I am legally entitled to. I will use this money to get as far away from this bitch as possible, but honestly I don’t think I’ll be able to make it that much longer. It’s hard for me to write this instead of go hang myself. I would, but I don’t have a rope yet.

I have absolutely no one. Nobody listens to me or takes me seriously. They just think I’m being dramatic. People care about me in general, but overall my existence means nothing to them. I cannot talk to them, because they do not understand. What makes me furious is when I do kill myself, my mom will milk it for more pity and be like, “Omg I had no idea she was struggling!! She didn’t show any signs!!” which is absolute bullshit. I’ve begged for help and for mercy and received nothing but anger and hatred in return. I’ve made sure to call out her BS in my suicide note. 

The only thing that makes me happy is how my mom will realize she was wrong when I die. Too bad I won’t be there to see it. :) 

I can’t wait to die. I don’t want to use a gun, but I will if I have to.

Cheers. 



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suicidewatch,Nabe-best-girl,2018/01/29,"I finally care about myself... So... where to start, i made a post on a different account and stated that i felt suicidal and useless and that i was nothing. I got alot of support for that and i got mire into art and creative writing and just feeling better about myself. I still have those moments of depression although they become less frequent and i even set up an art page on instagram to where i feel even more better. 

My grades in school have boosted with my increased confidence and ive even seeked help which is something i avoided, ive built up so much energy that ive even progressed to trying to write my own novel and just honing on my art. Life does get better, if u seek support. I just wanna thank anyone who had helped me in my old post that, lifted me from that period of isolation. And too anyone feeling depressed now. Fight!",4.14156205757433,5.936041570552149,4.792024539877303,83.03852288815479,71.94478527607363,7.223973572439831,27.875884851344967,7.882392219407189,1.8516761680037752,668,25,121,9,13,214,100,163,0.118,0.66,0.222,0.9357,1,2,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,16,12,1,1,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,26,21,14,1,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,12,0,1,4,4,1,1,0,5,0,0,6,4,24,7,21,15,7,23,0,3,0,0,7,10,0,2,8,93,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747806383756994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595806209522625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746728229297656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397550923253394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24325216121480975,0.0,0.0,0.14753695998037047,0.0,0.0,0.12357597102156945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730779789965628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142037806869419,0.0,0.13558610191085446,0.1546913420887069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377767943052245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588100060139546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930346396827705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974253314490286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336186393354659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380740256950736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549715913418195,0.0,0.1481787170752646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704849944053942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429145434761042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871224690801157,0.0,0.0,0.09995090249554704,0.0,0.11277244900844655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446350610751616,0.32049244107768765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300094561113922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587398754481202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,want2befree1,2018/01/29,"After work I've been depressed and alone for some time now, and I keep getting these overwhelming feelings of wanting to die, I feel like there's really nothing left for me here. I've tried different meds and talking, therapy and the practices they preach But nothing seems to work. I haven't felt love in forever, I fear that I'll never feel it again, not like I had before. I work at a dead end job and have no idea why the fuck I'm going to school, I dont see a future for me anyways. I constantly let my parents down, and fear that I'm just a burden to them at this point, they have my sisters and brother so it's not as though I'll be leaving them without a family. I have work in a little over an hour, I feel as though the best option would be to take my handle of jager and find a tall place or maybe something sharp to end it all over one last drink afterwards. Idk, I'm just so lost and didn't know where else to post this or who to go to, I think I'm at peace with dying, that or I'm so scared for my future that I feel nothing at all anymore ",3.2760766961651915,3.6734792920354025,4.383345132743365,90.47153687315635,72.45132743362831,7.442595870206487,25.243657817109145,7.3011,0.8999431268436573,824,23,190,8,15,270,129,226,0.174,0.7709999999999999,0.055,-0.9783,3,1,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,6,13,12,1,4,10,0,12,3,0,0,3,38,36,20,3,2,9,3,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,10,1,1,11,1,0,2,8,8,0,1,5,8,22,4,29,27,4,31,1,3,1,2,10,15,1,6,15,119,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109734339707822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626242675570947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911754013434898,0.0,0.11244564118396454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157893613243366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922867647684222,0.0,0.22240625699770167,0.11194727851427297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557713340602286,0.10496464569948574,0.0,0.0,0.08950874392599259,0.0,0.1898033681240261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010099808699776,0.2411434907415291,0.2708872666953167,0.15309368479162952,0.10287927252465072,0.0,0.0979317015945133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905697444432512,0.055980619557596416,0.0,0.12178981631813775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551959614903177,0.0,0.0,0.12095750781458928,0.0,0.0,0.10632825932378227,0.09523842610137152,0.0,0.0,0.05888596156480446,0.08734025150075643,0.0,0.11345469056037535,0.11641705623581057,0.109566504289672,0.0,0.10469459743771606,0.10739085134370424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696514203227575,0.0,0.0967056194397918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764497518620182,0.0,0.11901772378292245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263945591637145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084353550494435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260653268166979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897562430017496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194727851427297,0.0,0.1012898767516496,0.0,0.1026185540445626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864201234232609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727424623239994,0.10843990688426976,0.08538340674126381,0.09754388427858084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248807745627118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056226625486307,0.08612182974096454,0.0,0.0,0.1225335399212198,0.0,0.0,0.06865637186872699,0.2105455290309299,0.0,0.06247909699116174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274673402095988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319890576373595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668477021835396,0.0,0.0,0.10328723943359212,0.0,0.31202126173822525,0.0,0.0,0.07611515312606304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FAT_GHANDI_IS_BUDDHA,2018/01/29,Every little thing sets me off nowadays Today the smallest things like my teacher moving me to a different seat completely apart from anyone I know really just instilled a feeling of sadness. Life's hard living with a single mom and a brother who doesn't seem to understand what hes doing to me. Is there really a point to living? I have short bursts of happiness when with friends but apart from that I feel like life has nothing to offer me.,6.907411764705883,7.223316682352943,7.0047058823529404,75.12117647058824,64.52941176470588,9.623529411764707,32.294117647058826,9.3871,2.9702235294117654,358,13,61,6,5,115,64,85,0.039,0.828,0.133,0.7637,1,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,0,0,10,11,3,0,0,2,2,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,4,12,11,1,10,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388354800700964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818295037650728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744951888737734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729260603171794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007924940899581,0.14184896531750044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340443460396586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113673278528589,0.1778678267197114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912158435617343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804929763534691,0.19400957447833575,0.1990060030027161,0.35065845502920845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23254723869325006,0.0,0.2110343775451333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905205344934061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770028605574732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544010470797007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807585868326191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638245330584036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820856040169748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670455510420055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nick616,2018/01/29,"Why is so difficult? To be happy? Is there some secret formula unknown to me? I keep trying but end up failing. College is a drag now, literally no friends and those I try to communicate with just ignore me. I tried to compensate by focusing on my writing, which many claimed I'm good at although I don't believe it, but now I'm unmotivated to do anything, I'm standing on the roof of my house looking down. One last word before I say goodbye ",3.5351461038961034,5.164616897727279,5.5378571428571455,77.75000000000003,73.20454545454545,8.21038961038961,34.16233766233766,8.841846274778883,3.113988311688311,349,19,66,7,7,121,67,88,0.19,0.7040000000000001,0.106,-0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,9,3,13,10,1,10,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,4,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028211140970468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972502958237654,0.2776835984120428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829636287906726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041958011127214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067245951385956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623684114666557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843895090407358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907094936978114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090327610097514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069699745119788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498785743573961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167012231261478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600023192646995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020041826991027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239788358943613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dank_meme_farm,2018/01/29,Wanna die I’ve tried before and failed but I’m not afraid to do it again. No one sees me no matter what I do. Not expecting a response on here cause no one cares about me. Literally feel invisible and can’t do nothing about it. It seems like hate is the only way for you to get noticed. I will never feel loved again and I will never have a “normal” life. Nothing is fun for me anymore and I literally cry in my bed all day. ,1.4126666666666663,3.0633375444444475,3.613055555555558,89.19625000000002,79.1111111111111,6.277777777777778,21.25,7.1686216300943375,0.4743333333333335,329,9,74,4,8,113,61,90,0.279,0.643,0.078,-0.9704,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,1,1,3,0,9,2,0,1,3,18,18,5,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,0,3,9,4,9,16,1,8,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,6,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040893606785319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511297208165427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098176257384232,0.21140403062118465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22605173520212615,0.13271816147169996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135785535272812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810821195679752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751729660911497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031759938884772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453562595552222,0.10053908098052956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573439971271935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174373904252618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016314729674727,0.3949240030527516,0.2342944018261096,0.0,0.0,0.2788985963995168,0.15651331834480606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639887721973495,0.1873443849186949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971857119281514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334730610819054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mortyx21,2018/01/29,"I really need some help here! You see a friend of mine(15 y) is always talking about wanting to kill himself because of how his mom and sis are treating him like sh*t. She(the mother) never congratuletes him on his good grades and she only sees the bad ones. At times  she tells him that he isn't her son and that he hates him. The worst part? His father passed away years before i met him(we met like a half a year ago). I hate to see him sad at school. Today he was very depresed but i somehow managed to make him fell better by playing Card Against Humanity with some classmates. He says that he can't win any argument with her because she is always screaming at him making him feel worthless and he can't raise his voice because that would be bad,and he can't ignor her because then his mother starts screaming at him because she is ignoring her. So please tell me ways to make him happy
Pls help me and i am sorry if my english is a littel bad(not my first language)",3.368037564766837,5.174371849740937,3.726810233160623,89.82783193005183,74.02590673575129,6.068523316062176,26.052137305699482,6.6274283507984215,0.9486375647668392,769,27,154,6,16,239,119,193,0.154,0.701,0.145,-0.453,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,5,20,3,0,6,0,13,0,0,4,1,23,27,10,1,4,2,6,1,2,1,1,0,4,0,1,4,7,0,2,1,1,0,2,5,11,0,3,3,8,34,9,17,22,4,18,0,2,3,0,48,6,0,4,11,94,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130355877652396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220770683135654,0.0,0.0,0.08671551940313119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198058480323548,0.0,0.3194125833112551,0.38866404553082795,0.0,0.10850705771575872,0.0,0.0,0.11277788637003144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447611932310211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846537804317864,0.0,0.0,0.0985188482771376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695469978303132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574357062909492,0.0,0.2517920749472939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094309949085676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107799481751065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459613623092135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553545458756015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934565734839145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455178904421112,0.09834850278239972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640840748866749,0.09698196235859556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808782634497085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997470615542373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816902660718194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140615319162027,0.0,0.12905339665744314,0.3048421648841125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274416112030722,0.09025675870548484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249284579603156,0.22290989454875013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435583373752318,0.0,0.1208706296825266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521437814218396,0.07521247194123969,0.1012165767098646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058398637784837,0.0,0.0,0.1642327515444833
suicidewatch,Titsandtatss,2018/01/29,I'm sat on the edge of a bridge in London. There's so many people walking by and no one has stopped. I'm invisible still.,-0.3577777777777769,1.6000850740740766,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,87.14814814814815,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.0020222222222221475,95,3,23,1,3,33,25,27,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5577289776599753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727712999712752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813795940594834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393215347619456,0.4599197100859199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tairovis,2018/01/29,I'm planning to overdose with morphine and die? Is there possibility for peaceful desth? I'm going to overdose with morphine hoping that I'll be finally in peace within myself I'm planning to take up to 400mg morphine sublingual tablet I'm not sure if there is possibility for death but I hope it is. Is asphyxia painful? What if I take diazepam and then morphine so I don't feel my heart stopping and pain?,2.443194444444444,5.125012375000002,3.954166666666669,82.5452777777778,81.5,6.055555555555558,30.13888888888889,7.3871296695380915,2.124222222222224,330,17,60,5,9,109,51,80,0.2,0.685,0.115,-0.8147,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,14,16,8,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,11,15,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296159473623428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086254636743454,0.0,0.0,0.2353378456753391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209391963826655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25457683601119285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267531014170293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571925769944327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843813765863745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960908803159764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247652342700248,0.0,0.3230537054528103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmAThrowAway911,2018/01/29,"I cannot enjoy anything I’m 17.  I fucking hate myself. No-one seems to care about me or even talk to me unless their fucking phone is broken. I am planning to end it all. Here is why. 

In Turkey there is an exam to enter high schools. I did good on the test and won a good school. I used to think that i was smart. Now i am a fucking dumbass compared to them. 3 years passed and my days went worse and worse. I didn’t feel attracted against anyone. One day i decided that a girlfriend would make me feel better and pull me out of this hellhole named depression. A few weeks passed and for the first time i have decided to commit suicide. I couldn’t. So while i was trying to fix my life I unknowingly forced myself to be attracted on this girl. I never felt anything. I just forced myself. Days went by and my sexual character was created(that sentence sounds wrong but fuck it). I finally felt something against her. She was acting real strange to me. We were used to be close friends but didn’t talk much. Suddenly she stopped talking to me. Someone told her the situation. We talked over it on IM. She fucking rejected me and made fun of me. That completely fucked up with my self confidence. Now I don’t feel anything against her. And my suicidal thoughts are not because of her. This just fucked with my self confidence. After this i noticed that all my friendships are an illusion. I used to consider myself a popular person. All my friends are fake. One day i was super fucked-up and decided to not to talk anyone. Noone fucking cared. I didn’t talk to anyone for 2 days straight except my best friend(!) said good morning after 5 hours since I entered the classroom. Now I have problems with my family. My father said that he doesn’t like me. These seem like small problems but idk. Who cares a muslim anyway. ",1.8392081478483744,4.481466025495752,2.830633346823152,89.73816100094429,84.21246458923513,5.968137056522328,24.268784567651423,7.35660576581511,1.273364009173075,1429,56,278,23,42,453,185,353,0.17,0.637,0.192,0.8471,0,1,1,0,0,2,46.0,2,0,2,6,11,36,9,0,12,0,27,9,0,5,5,56,60,16,2,4,10,1,5,2,4,1,1,3,0,4,14,16,0,1,12,0,0,8,10,15,0,3,20,8,58,21,40,36,6,41,0,2,0,8,33,11,8,4,24,187,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991126666616514,0.0,0.17643034466344584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356477781226704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499875770025308,0.06320553210854978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185918834580864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493034146959304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304470591471432,0.0,0.06155323262805304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329732600900398,0.0,0.0,0.04720236711340098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673714249908602,0.0,0.10840549228081478,0.0,0.1372364024289971,0.078287092024835,0.0,0.06078861871981193,0.0,0.0,0.1656424790844276,0.5285505029201287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982591079379534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055750284919582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755073498438642,0.0,0.0,0.07037923872266873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771951317092561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504782799455408,0.06982898281411144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762249633783818,0.047703855391912256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052535452650981966,0.0,0.055118690822464185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136408050977867,0.0,0.0,0.0968539054909068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062401021652231776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676589082064974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134351984457969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596033760602955,0.0,0.0,0.1446540428925252,0.0,0.1301192303253827,0.1491084526591437,0.0,0.0,0.05911709825683641,0.08033034966039196,0.0,0.0,0.060552586771780034,0.055017724734934624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974845721424834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563435749388405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446481432327577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579228277899159,0.0,0.05673571842509253,0.04167217694907842,0.0,0.0,0.06828846121676681,0.0,0.048520463940409035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851700465166439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573254085454679,0.0,0.0,0.13249868895337208,0.06448660507033548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565914177634393,0.05076712504382372,0.07813643513860041,0.0,0.04602151532154762
suicidewatch,grant1993throwaway,2018/01/29,"i just want to die, my addictions have finally caught up to me, i had a good job that i could afford my drug use with, i lost the job, iv been stuck for 5 months stealing from family (grandma, dad, mom) to afford my habits, its finally caught up with me and they are on the verge of finding out. i just want to kill my self because i cant stand to look at myself any longer. i owe so many people money and its destroys me even thinking about the things iv done just to fuel my addiction these last 5 months. i just want it to be over. im making GHB and im going to drink it all and hopefully i don't wake up.  ",3.5840648854961863,3.3982191145038207,4.93823473282443,88.82353530534355,71.59541984732823,8.38206106870229,24.771946564885496,8.07648339933343,1.067480152671755,468,11,111,6,8,157,85,131,0.151,0.778,0.071,-0.9287,5,0,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,2,0,4,0,9,7,1,2,1,21,23,5,2,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,2,1,2,3,2,4,0,0,7,1,19,2,21,14,1,17,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,1,5,71,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32977964070838217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285830247527107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922033892702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076447599988036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569783760585104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478595181705446,0.0,0.14817190710270756,0.17540729492514515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990222487043864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258935856138386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33138400254920075,0.13824394770613127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596146459262206,0.12686516712529322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022992842697652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32676180787262965,0.0,0.30019366726625857,0.0,0.16734078471102667,0.0,0.0,0.12329267197974833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701575440878746,0.0,0.16511224368898406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096360797119204,0.15334840576481792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714753832581384,0.24145992853951306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486088240498503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157791516385709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048682333076883,0.0969178287293719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306353950564442,0.0,0.0,0.2676416139380995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wolftamerz,2018/01/29,"I am deciding to not kill myself I made a post that I deleted about how I am ready to kill myself pretty soon and there were a couple of people that helped talk me out of it. There was always a part of me that wanted to live, but I never listened to it that much. So thanks to the people that helped me out. Hopefully life really does get better",3.432500000000001,4.193965027777779,4.776,86.46900000000002,72.33333333333333,7.426666666666668,19.95555555555556,7.554174236665415,0.4707355555555557,270,4,57,3,5,90,46,72,0.0,0.7340000000000001,0.266,0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,11,10,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,10,3,11,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729580842368542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844788283000027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576388599700704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646372527565164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132310622432301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856399088537118,0.0,0.0,0.21163195753416972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714727380158865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050146193374853,0.0,0.0,0.1881494888300535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161710282985293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663494152047622,0.0,0.1643368901952445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307399026252848,0.0,0.2954393181770617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040673412114656,0.2167742917477424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365015623589885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712619416550469,0.0,0.1961712079394482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567739612740064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scarletnpoison,2018/01/29,"The only answer to chronic illness: fentanyl, xanax, and gabapentin gameover cocktail. Only 1 more day of this hell. Every minute of every day, I hold out against pain. Time was that i cried myself to sleep about it. Then no tears came.

I'd rather go out on my own terms now than suffer another 20-30 years of this slow death.

The only things im worried about are how will this affect my family, the people i care about? How long will it take them to find my body, hopefully someone at school checks on my dorm.

Theres only so much pain a person can take, eventually everybody snaps.",3.3100884955752217,5.412461115044248,3.6453185840707967,89.05399557522125,75.01769911504425,6.289911504424777,22.804424778761053,7.1686216300943375,0.7582538053097347,458,13,90,5,10,142,84,113,0.241,0.713,0.046,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,1,0,4,0,5,7,2,3,0,12,11,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,7,4,1,1,2,1,1,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,9,2,16,7,4,16,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,1,9,53,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971551903616458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797806453609094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851151173703377,0.1650184972588967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778638717571665,0.20876179003500075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727339141712172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525792879539456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479294339897288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919839965012133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607551625172121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482750633977584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323357648591256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897955192297775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923817530270239,0.34444303637096063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122075232892454,0.1413225778226886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638024642286789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196849142717126,0.0,0.1371363389546993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24338452725668586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075270139879493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943769719468424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436816046222474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104227126549215
suicidewatch,RepresentativeWorker,2018/01/29,I just lost my job this morning and i'm very ready to end it all. Life is just going to get worse until the day i die. I need to vent out my emotions so please hear me out. There is still a small part of me that wants to live. I'm not sure what I should expect from this subreddit but just wanted to vent anyways.  I've had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts for most of my life.   Seriously thinking about drowning myself in the ocean so that my body will never be found.  My former manager expressed concern several times over the last year or so that my interactions with my colleagues were concerning.  Most people thought i was disrespectful towards them and wondered that I should be less negative towards them.  I barely tried to turn things around unfortunately because I'm so stubborn. But maybe it was a bandaid to a lifelong problem with depression.  I have many issues to sort out if I'm not going to eventually kill myself.  I'm feeling very overwhelmed by it all and it's all my fault and no one will care if I just disappear.  Sorry if my post breaks any of the rules on this subreddit I'm just trying to keep it together.         ,4.427384737678857,6.062081139639638,5.0236618971913085,82.30461844197141,70.93693693693695,8.106412294647589,29.275039745627986,8.671277953709913,2.243300158982513,911,36,174,16,17,292,131,222,0.235,0.7190000000000001,0.047,-0.9939,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,1,14,11,2,1,7,0,13,4,1,0,5,48,36,16,4,10,13,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,14,12,0,2,6,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,8,2,24,2,30,22,7,24,0,4,0,0,5,10,0,8,9,124,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274830570259172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141395940578525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314066953324993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149597648289032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139056339072479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795877656957526,0.0,0.2349410340016103,0.0,0.14154888872360574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341779325655486,0.1207990107680783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896171373540691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954206170013934,0.0,0.0,0.0712569384998787,0.0,0.1550245338454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371883827174435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470662612964154,0.13534373673086264,0.12122764494502238,0.15089277076705895,0.0,0.0,0.1111741702563707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266931692590167,0.0,0.0,0.12043282844920696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888327421686193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827571012364145,0.13701976572039018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112974350336186,0.10519059407403876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092419828056103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769457670096475,0.0,0.09455405099534182,0.0,0.0,0.14971272647033132,0.0,0.0,0.1306217053738845,0.0,0.0,0.13050459916426305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407926777217534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526748520215657,0.0,0.0,0.1089193849075049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918599554956175,0.0,0.12854378314622647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906099204933424,0.08739172425273414,0.0,0.21655318140903748,0.07952875847053814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851965767140266,0.14835064132019118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250682548039261,0.16088998574347035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790663120900688,0.0,0.0,0.13899070739107272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782920030618828
suicidewatch,cheecheyed,2018/01/29,"I wanna die today I have this seething anger inside me that keeps telling me to kill myself. It's like pulsating rage. I just want to hurt myself violently. I get these imagines of smashing my head into the corners of a table or putting holes in walls with my head. Putting a bullet in my skull feels like the ultimate goal but I don't have guns

Thinking about it feels so good, I just want to go through with it.",1.737376171352075,4.156132831325301,2.5078714859437774,93.50817938420349,82.13253012048195,5.13467202141901,23.680053547523432,6.42735559955562,0.5624977242302545,327,12,68,3,9,102,58,83,0.166,0.706,0.128,-0.5168,0,0,0,1,0,4,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,4,0,4,0,3,3,3,0,0,15,11,3,2,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,0,2,13,3,13,11,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,44,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335660191744961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758374294384714,0.16077552403530407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757916020433587,0.0,0.12790090961206402,0.1887609797053666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619317616205599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092031856119456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000344806591628,0.2489841079507837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989579504371976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524741403944146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967033247084932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420273678278875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332076592017188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654802438507377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DraconisLee,2018/01/29,"I need to talk..? It haunts me. I know death can't solve anything and painful and cost so much. But it's harder to live through the day doing productive thing

Up to recently, I still think, maybe friends and family don't need me. 

I also don't keep contact with my close friends from high school, since there is nothing to say, no more excuses to meet

I achieved nothing. Wasted my time. And hurt people when I tried to make the situation brighter but ended up saying something wrong 

Idk. 

Help?
",2.6062105263157918,5.161187989473689,2.771842105263161,92.11039473684211,79.63157894736842,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.0948736842105262,389,15,78,5,10,118,70,95,0.155,0.718,0.127,-0.4211,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,14,11,9,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,10,2,11,11,2,10,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,45,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434724479469127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476374307308009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570326566052055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890216507697086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691298190676426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772202262434519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025334629954595,0.18955431652369575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205988781323596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594660016374636,0.0,0.0,0.09859790031937013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584204793171986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975617900849884,0.0,0.1802393686245555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188546335041434,0.2660573972284453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34429347373586305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090267493617424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437886141968732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714367600692235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853447560732679,0.0,0.1815703920848849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840808448595544,0.2016620177700814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811698106719902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327539580504633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442012893816211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919064942913478,0.11495735027358946,0.0,0.0,0.10461420028607933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180620030573412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615439541875346,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neon_inertia,2018/01/29,Paracetemol Can taking 9 500mg paracetamol tablets at once whilst drunk kill you?,8.447142857142854,10.645095142857144,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,61.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,35.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.0579428571428564,68,3,11,1,1,18,14,14,0.415,0.585,0.0,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6470572375231375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6228532523137734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397394199421757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RideTheRevolution,2018/01/29,"I don't know what to do anymore. Hello,

I'm 14 years old and people just don't understand me. I'm looking for help for my depression over 2 years. My teacher said to my that I've to wait long to get help. Someone said to me that I'm bitching about my depression and my mom said that I've to try suicide. I've a personality disorder. I'm overly emotional and sometimes I can act very strange. I can get fast mad or irritated. a collaborator from a psychosical establisment said that I've brain damage from my childhood and experiences with life. I have nothing to do in my life. I've tried do play an instrument but I play 6 months and the strings are broke and guitar is damaged and I can't play nothing. I just wanted something for myself to have a goal in my life but I'm so bad at everything. Sorry for wasting your time, reading about someone who's bitching about everything in his life (Me). I've huge scars of trying suicide on my left arm. My mom is ashamed of my because I'm her failed son who isn't smart or have any talent and just fucked up his school and is fat. I'm so worthless. No one is gonna care about this post but I don't care.",1.659710751318901,3.6903979581589974,3.42244133163544,89.0334327815172,79.87866108786609,6.499617973440057,25.45406585410224,7.586124646067393,1.2678654175004542,908,36,196,14,23,303,122,239,0.264,0.633,0.103,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,2,9,20,4,1,6,0,18,8,3,0,0,22,40,16,2,1,8,3,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,8,10,1,1,2,5,0,1,6,13,0,1,4,5,27,7,29,35,0,20,0,7,1,1,17,10,3,2,8,109,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550323565709027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011050823085404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270421917393966,0.06768198639214412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394460466317117,0.0,0.0,0.22640205573713776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191257491135478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724836150639604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489219841259835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995706410217956,0.1086072472153843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264412486033604,0.11601569169384385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884022160796215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101839901011645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063286732886765,0.0,0.3136910529965717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825679152839588,0.09323603643561401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600706410744624,0.08862194615085195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306981679068016,0.0,0.11650580831823455,0.0,0.07523583319660274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769732313766065,0.09694586568356152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633467994984436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110586169745586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224543854843893,0.0,0.0,0.11236684145171637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814829592647345,0.08547521837212373,0.10981009577788932,0.12428739526584733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24289447216072266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474165265693972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614333494182876,0.0,0.0,0.1155846581129956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161019898240584,0.06548752786605183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429975191041493
suicidewatch,ILikeGreen27,2018/01/29,"It's getting harder to look away from the knife I really hate this.

The first time I really considered suicide was a year ago. The first time was really easy, I turned my back and decided that I had too much to live for. Immediately afterwards I felt shame over the fact that I couldn't do it and get it over with. And for the past few months it's been like that. Just this cycle of constant self hate. Add to that the stress and constant anger with my freaking parents and it's been tough. The worst part is that I'm a baptist, basically God really likes to forgive anything and everything you do. So I end up feeling even guiltier over the fact that I'm abusing his trust like this. This is the first time I've been actively seeking out methods in a long time. Everything is just numb and painful at the same time. My chest hurts so much and I just can't take it anymore. 

I really want to die, I really, really do, and with each day that passes it becomes tougher to hold it together. I just want to let go and be done with it all. Every single night I cry from pain and anger and I don't even know at this point. Self harm was one of my few outlets, but even that seems to have gone away. My parents are jerks, my brothers might as well be aquaintinces. Really, what is there to live for?

I can't even go in front of my parents and ask for help, it just feels like I would be delaying the inevitable. Scratch that, why would they even care in the first place? I feel alone and empty. Everything hurts. I just want it to end. ",2.467031063321386,4.288116596774195,3.2761648745519736,92.0238769414576,76.58064516129029,7.0442054958184,23.094384707287933,7.921354282810032,0.9520908004778974,1195,36,264,19,27,378,150,310,0.161,0.731,0.109,-0.945,3,1,1,0,0,4,33.0,0,1,1,4,17,24,5,2,15,0,28,4,1,0,3,49,51,18,2,6,7,4,5,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,26,21,0,2,8,0,0,5,4,16,1,5,10,6,27,8,36,33,10,42,0,2,1,0,12,14,0,2,27,179,53,0,0.0,0.09505497385867424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711157198019744,0.0,0.0,0.08309018805526391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795628710981879,0.0,0.0,0.06601935851680661,0.0,0.07500070319438154,0.0,0.1507503837995159,0.06168902528946136,0.0,0.0,0.08860357730048309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179599688711259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339212571850482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812475579135047,0.051739286842070534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326216941016651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209929587819023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421132696957008,0.0,0.0,0.2649433692865642,0.0,0.06759406601418491,0.0,0.2163065102738836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169439005059375,0.057313640770812566,0.07702977005571096,0.0,0.0,0.2729615897306275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382979673703768,0.0,0.09118884023859668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841360233821872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377395652916316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176769505505055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044090242548706436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203676429787386,0.0,0.15677795086994126,0.0,0.14168247670899772,0.07099769644605743,0.06736983479433324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510736093649117,0.0,0.0,0.06403581811908321,0.0,0.11795103240400225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528689010060538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436337543766544,0.0,0.17073274813904382,0.0,0.2672452309540156,0.08687719823961965,0.0765850223781633,0.0,0.0,0.08381934388436574,0.0,0.07583972673680567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111598612343397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303495438811153,0.16738692676878034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189888507575793,0.0,0.0,0.08775448360690978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032014702759615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390282398062626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726310987737691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195854206453487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213302314060703,0.0,0.07239170179809103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139808359677312,0.0,0.0,0.05166306723419547
suicidewatch,paranormiesgetout,2018/01/29,"May 3rd, 2019 Two failed suicide attempts in the past. Self harm off and on for years. Worsening mental illness. Everything that could go wrong in my life has gone wrong. I have big dreams but no way to achieve them to top it off. 5/3/19 is in the pretty distant future- over a year and a half away, but I think if I don't see at least one major improvement in my life by then, I'm just gonna end everything, on my 21st birthday no less. What better way to make the day all about me?

I figure that gives me time to rethink my decision, and maybe some additional motivation. And, hey, if things don't get better by then, it's less than a year and a half of suffering",4.099746732026142,4.679763272058828,4.793039215686274,87.61339869281048,70.69117647058823,8.397385620915033,26.87581699346405,8.515128840125781,1.5506218954248363,519,16,115,8,9,167,94,136,0.162,0.6920000000000001,0.146,0.1192,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,7,2,7,0,0,7,0,7,3,0,2,1,21,16,11,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,5,0,4,1,1,11,2,21,12,6,27,0,2,1,0,4,13,0,4,10,75,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216204738029427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052988356302531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780592154735086,0.0,0.0,0.11131180528819877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287111178709165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31024094872265484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017563423540413,0.1655722851588131,0.09809175047269686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438229626091057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521089230933575,0.0,0.17339847229956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393877288395088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695726460238355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476487441683704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755948060314922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753872173835455,0.0,0.18005796114999986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887948324884152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466682712618365,0.11059420075182244,0.0,0.0,0.1006436199198658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860373297284229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740014377873044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774189042051693,0.0,0.33344347969758875
suicidewatch,addicted-horse,2018/01/29,"Need to find a way to end it painlessly I’ve just turned 17 years old and I’ve got absolutely nothing, my life has been getting increasingly worse over the past few months. My parents have kicked me out and my father wants nothing to do with me, I was chucked out of my high school and I struggle with drug addiction. I really need to find a way to kill myself painlessly as I can’t continue with any of this anymore.",2.4357142857142877,4.620770904761908,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,78.04761904761905,7.533333333333335,25.97619047619048,8.472884824447931,1.8142904761904768,332,13,69,7,8,108,58,84,0.12,0.83,0.05,-0.7845,1,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,6,3,0,0,0,14,12,4,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,14,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019251623129367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488013112982108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211954212255035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296176841578388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626487534278348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356835938760772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594327094565773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687207709334754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402361997088072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316822886615601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297089439000249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657809244840034,0.0,0.0,0.27233048699178763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524112103151754,0.0,0.19269718037309908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390825697125556,0.0,0.17530324153013171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764319938687255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858514509082025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197830032922428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974540128705384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831444501825642,0.291526579303014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871428015136101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825684542890387
suicidewatch,throwingaway7744,2018/01/29,"running out of options lost my job today. let go for 'poor performance', because i am a broken failure of a human being. it does not matter that this poor performance comes partially from a medical condition and chronic pain.  

my significant other is getting tired of all the shit that gets thrown my way, most of it self made. he's constantly stressed and has panic attacks because of me. he's at work right now. he can't come home. 

it's my fault. i ruin everything in my life. i feel so guilty for letting him in. i should have known better, should have pushed him away. he'd be so much better off. 

the world is so full of pain. everywhere i look there are awful people doing awful things to others. i am constantly sad and anxious and i feel like i am drowning.  i want to get help, to try and be better, but i can't afford it. and now i have no health insurance, so the little help i do have from antidepressants and painkillers  is going to go bye bye. my state didn't fund medicaid expansion so that's a non option. my lawyer won't call me back about the car accident that left me with this chronic pain. probably decided i am not worth it. 

i am so tired. i just want to stop feeling. i want to stop existing. i wish i could just get up the courage to do it. ",1.3708717660292464,3.7393904685039416,3.0462823397075383,89.37946850393702,83.29133858267716,6.463217097862768,22.457255343082114,7.7094869923839395,1.1357192350956136,985,34,203,18,28,325,143,254,0.219,0.669,0.112,-0.9762,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,7,14,16,2,2,9,2,30,11,1,1,1,36,49,14,1,7,5,0,3,1,0,3,10,0,1,2,15,11,0,2,5,0,4,8,7,11,0,0,3,4,31,5,26,36,4,30,0,3,1,0,13,12,1,3,11,137,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414658350209945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250179168598234,0.10324707076649348,0.08450009875991407,0.0,0.1339781817744855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291571403387528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221193100185596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932430709391299,0.0,0.2375082387613621,0.0,0.08773975146400474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616715462303424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876376656836798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669396103360712,0.07850680542769499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296559580918953,0.0,0.18736232181836265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680996596609415,0.0,0.0,0.14731646726802378,0.0,0.1102305499335492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090507681954243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939788626564582,0.22474385525097226,0.07761990885562026,0.053687638399719406,0.1101405676221031,0.0,0.0,0.09228153090194434,0.0,0.11996000566383445,0.0,0.0,0.1039823862460312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070454229250268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078320122748561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507982338415719,0.12893448372185934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761852165906697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848206995631735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384709424666612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464123299656645,0.0,0.11280247068787948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374912173066507,0.12588081637519646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300730476781721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252609179128404,0.1041646852919252,0.0,0.0,0.07460939621457244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944512945046623,0.08722708640636133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637027794356506,0.0,0.0,0.08000262230910148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrimrosePotter,2018/01/29,"I'm going to kill myself in 3 days Life has sucked since I was 8. I moved halfway across the country, and was bullied badly to the point of telling my teacher I wanted to drown myself. No one cared. At 10 my narcissistic mother began abusing me. She would take my things and hide them for months over small things, like not cleaning my room. She hit me twice in the face. She threatened to kick me out and threatened that I'd have to walk to school. She called me a liar all the time. She never took responsibility for her actions. She always played the victim. She's been abusing me for four years…I can't do it anymore. 

At 12 the bullying got so bad I became depressed and suicidal. At 13 I became bulimic and a cutter. I'm 14 now and the bullying and the abuse is still going on. Honestly, I attempted at 13. I should've died the first time. 

The only reason I'm alive is because of this song called ""Hold On"" by Derek Hough(yes, the guy from Dancing With The Stars, a major part of my childhood). If you haven't heard it before, listen to it. It saved me for two months. Longer than I ever expected I could go. 

But there's an ""if"" in life. I hear people say ""Go kill yourself"" to me all the time, and they mean it. I'm worthless. And these next 3 days will just be me getting ready. My will. My last words. And then The Day, which is when I'll die. ",1.161772863568217,3.3528669239130444,2.529695152423791,93.87717391304348,82.65942028985506,5.1112443778110945,20.02448775612194,6.311591054244273,0.00874652673663201,1045,29,228,9,29,337,166,276,0.249,0.6920000000000001,0.059,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,2,1,43.0,0,1,2,2,7,14,5,0,18,0,16,3,1,1,4,30,37,16,6,6,5,1,0,1,0,3,2,5,2,1,11,12,0,1,2,3,0,9,5,9,0,5,7,5,38,5,31,24,4,43,0,2,0,0,20,15,1,2,20,146,49,1,0.0,0.4101466471961463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601180493098158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443358685868868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926878095007346,0.07033926727806855,0.0,0.09818642889647207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235647473401698,0.0,0.11764544422891765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212768448411997,0.0,0.0,0.223246550550268,0.0,0.09938325177075992,0.0,0.23950841802786946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437477530134844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814871357827648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060285307668293174,0.0,0.2623099424632052,0.0,0.09228607976549777,0.0,0.0,0.11425195829637985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005031727037336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531877462371944,0.0,0.0,0.09405637120775157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300348139623824,0.05637259883527272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256910258374949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420271299043645,0.1226388577758746,0.0,0.0,0.08899410304548458,0.0,0.12271612162348415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818968771753235,0.08775754086252052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495362816311766,0.0,0.07999529836027641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907866743729322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863776723461406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176092559892296,0.0,0.11677850659214735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544989286782424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214876148799682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262154090653397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867571857191125,0.0,0.10085393048240528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331691340486167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185047689981506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819997370793554,0.0,0.0,0.11271701055915498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805865151860911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081968107189362,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OhHeyThrowaway1612,2018/01/29,"I've lost my girlfriend, my job, and I'm ready to jump off a fucking bridge I don't have anything left to do. If I don't find another job within three weeks I won't be able to afford rent. Then I'll have absolutely nothing. Since minimum wage just went up here in Canada, nobody's going to hire somebody new so quickly. Somebody please just tell me what to do, I want this to be over and I don't see any better options.",3.450711610486892,4.006242629213485,4.7792696629213465,87.21736891385768,72.14606741573033,7.281647940074906,27.192883895131093,7.1686216300943375,1.2150209737827715,330,11,72,3,6,110,63,89,0.058,0.863,0.078,0.1674,5,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,0,8,17,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,4,2,0,1,2,1,8,1,11,12,0,13,0,1,1,1,2,6,1,2,4,42,10,4,0.2274029615996949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464181186761775,0.23845183286676044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713326140849784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111943982927047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784218715011413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023037367641292,0.0,0.0,0.1292383435804132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451324701070191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470739831501542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823719535650285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962719735053066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819927474669729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24962016400873344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121071843426767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881100797526326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987602116293939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412815855907434,0.0,0.18240893906008304,0.0,0.0,0.2108048236556992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bussidkassid,2018/01/29,"Catching the bus Hey! I am looking for someone to talk to who is planning on killing themselves as I am in the same spot. Please write to me, I do not wish to talk to any people who want to help, only want to talk to people who feel serious. Thank you.
",1.1103773584905667,2.930416641509435,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,80.69811320754717,4.994716981132076,23.807547169811322,5.6839178017228535,0.2607162264150937,194,7,44,1,5,63,36,53,0.132,0.696,0.172,0.1114,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,12,10,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,0,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165438062515606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300917220768992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630647857202286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691521689179077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429308877034774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502464220940976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373180540856833,0.0,0.0,0.267047286886324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612950738334104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866153353027359,0.0,0.22397861780236905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869845148968519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797588440236236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ftwkms,2018/01/29,"Planning my demise. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what, i'll never be happy. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm a great dad to my one year old daughter but I feel like I'm just going to let her down in the long run. The mother of my child physically and mentally abuses me. I have no job, no confidence, and the anti depressants I'm taking are not working. My plan is to try and source some heroin and overdose on it. At least then I will be comfortable in death. ",1.5303030303030312,3.3064666767676805,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,79.20202020202021,6.824242424242425,22.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9686444444444452,367,11,79,6,9,126,72,99,0.263,0.606,0.131,-0.9423,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,13,15,6,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,1,10,4,11,11,2,15,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,6,52,13,2,0.0,0.3109458573568817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260669112405116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226037276959587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269642787995126,0.1874856037961905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914943931039046,0.0,0.0,0.28933858098410303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27936989879750296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604290036790231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683604126525042,0.0,0.1282138439709337,0.0,0.0,0.2322491785080679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644755580868101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024081961441782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27538430527225816,0.0,0.17783463292948293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973205511715308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817802701246696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191057830810794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900132715524574
suicidewatch,FredFeuerstein89,2018/01/29,"I don't know what to put here I don't know how to start this off.. Im turning 21 in a few days and there would be nothing to celebrate for me. Im on the outside acting fine but i feel lost and angry inside. I don't know how to describe it. There is a thick black something covering all of my thoughts. I have nobody to talk to and all i wished for was someone to be my best friend. I just wanted to talk to someone. No doctor, someone who really cares. I wish my brother was still here. on Jan30th one year ago I killed my Parents and my older brother and little sister. We were driving home from fucking skiing holiday and my father was getting tired driving. I just did my Drivers License and so i thought i should take over the wheel. i did It was night and rainy and at one point i lost control and crashed into the side barrier. I was the one who survived. Why not me too? I have nothing we were no big family just us. I have literally nobody. Im sitting here in the 5th floor of my dorm typing this the myself why not jump? I worry its not high enough.. I have nothing.. every way i take just leaves me standing infront of a rock solid wall. My heart breaks over and over thinking of my siblings, I don't deserve living, i feel like a loser and thats all ill ever be. I don't want to live on the day i killed my family, its 13:59cet as im typing this and i will end my life within the next 10 hrs. I have enough drugs to kill an elephant. why am i typing this, i don't know.. ill just leave the tap open police when they find my body. I however will see my family again and thats something im excited about.",0.4255705635770824,2.5981836460177017,2.3694465145163797,93.96420237540754,85.69616519174042,4.866356155876417,21.01544791181493,6.202715092499727,0.1701103244837756,1252,41,274,11,38,416,173,339,0.155,0.73,0.116,-0.9352,2,0,3,0,0,1,37.0,3,0,1,6,19,13,4,0,14,0,29,9,2,3,4,51,52,20,3,6,9,5,3,1,1,4,6,0,2,0,13,18,0,2,10,3,0,5,11,7,0,3,13,5,51,6,32,32,7,43,0,3,2,1,14,21,1,0,14,187,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293701971464309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634868845541993,0.0,0.0,0.09139548890820293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389082264999563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228498333661787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612869826614343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842179489050815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541967759918764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287642157296947,0.17003625123459706,0.0,0.0,0.07442775044395887,0.06932517506955778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327012219555945,0.0,0.0832073522890804,0.05878146432967229,0.0,0.0,0.07520321732221756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356998995729762,0.07606733116169291,0.04298835443351645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750321776359692,0.0,0.0869342483487594,0.08253441346466116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443872527114654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730947489920881,0.0,0.18087763993406789,0.0,0.0,0.1742471051052354,0.0,0.0,0.058117406240293865,0.04019827305855652,0.08246703978919752,0.14531101739135774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963856140880305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750663030673067,0.07721501522887726,0.0,0.2368521189561172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672669248272784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136316008619058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778201021600245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271499254405497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271122718757599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655671941600809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914892235509286,0.12668765505823548,0.0,0.0,0.05823881769654614,0.0,0.06570960276510326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372993664952835,0.1322684804357496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272225408251388,0.0,0.13064362730280832,0.0,0.0945697469881118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949795042798117,0.0,0.0,0.09897374613927523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706276858857027,0.06531071848158518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227370402462272,0.0,0.18923786147716487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356020947766273,0.0,0.05844996368748773,0.0,0.0,0.05298617751282088
suicidewatch,Anonymous_bee,2018/01/29,"Do you remember how it felt like not to be suicidal? I've been suicidal ever since I was 9 maybe 10. And I haven't lived a day since without the idea crossing my mind, I'm 26 years old now. The thing is it didn't matter whether I was happy or sad, I would still feel like killing myself. I had a couple of suicide attempts to which they all failed. 

I can't remember a time when i wasn't suicidal, my question is does anyone remember how it felt like to not want to end your own life? 
",2.2927427184466005,3.4796371456310666,3.86620145631068,90.27561286407769,75.60194174757281,7.480097087378643,25.496359223300967,8.07648339933343,1.3115834951456309,378,13,86,6,8,126,70,103,0.156,0.6459999999999999,0.198,0.6941,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,2,1,2,6,7,1,0,5,0,13,1,0,2,2,22,18,6,5,2,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,8,3,13,4,6,8,2,10,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,12,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225894521849058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599452738735155,0.0,0.08509354798381043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546587523947285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686402221681035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935172026415973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671530830295158,0.09426146626150213,0.2533756004185083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045780452885714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489497369856719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145977487755533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931965882442319,0.1933848468844822,0.0,0.11650976816807365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325563913435726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332267404544575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845398193125485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147808490242627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484035676141778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829237725137213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537137131122604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5773052407461633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876583317551106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693813498704835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782452335013576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719017963888682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372987459471928,0.0,0.0,0.08496819262512872
suicidewatch,ImLost13579,2018/01/29,"Please help me I lost my best friend last year, an unexpected death, and of natural causes.  I was destroyed.  Not even 6 months after, my brother, the light of my life, committed suicide.  My whole world collapsed.  I've been struggling to keep going, but somehow I did... I managed to get myself out of bed each day, and to go to work.  It's been so hard, but I was getting there.

 

Last night my partner of 3 years walked out on me.  He told me this has been too hard on him, and he has become depressed, and so he was leaving.

 

I have nobody, other than my parents.  None of my friends care, they text occasionally, maybe once per month... I live in a city over an hour away from my family, and until last night, I lived with my partner.

 

I blame myself.  I have been distant, I haven't been able to be intimate, I rarely leave the house and my weekends are spent travelling to check my parents are okay.  Recently, I'd been making a huge effort to grieve in front of my partner less, to be happier around him, to try harder.  But it wasn't enough.  I didn't think my heart could break any more after my brother, but I was wrong.

 

My life has absolutely no purpose, other than to keep breathing for my mum and dad.  I don't want to be alive, I want to be with my brother; but I can't, purely because I couldn't put my parents through this again.  The level of pain I'm feeling is too much, I'm on antidepressants and I have to take Valium when it gets really bad... nothing is working.

 

The thought of a life without my partner is just too much, I love him with every part of me.  I don't have my best friend or my brother (who I would turn to in times like this) to help me.  Counselling didn't help.  I needed my partner to be my strength through this, but he left me.

 

I don't know where else to go, or what else to do.  I feel trapped in a nightmare, and I just want it all to end.  I am feeling a level of pain I just can't cope with.  Please somebody help me.",3.2021839080459737,4.315826886699509,4.278147783251232,88.49472577996717,73.23645320197045,7.285254515599343,27.3264367816092,7.675431598112923,1.3921822003284072,1540,56,334,19,30,502,194,406,0.128,0.7120000000000001,0.16,0.9461,3,1,0,0,0,2,85.0,0,0,1,7,15,19,1,1,11,1,42,8,2,2,3,51,70,21,3,7,13,9,5,1,8,1,5,0,1,5,12,17,0,2,6,2,2,7,14,9,0,0,18,6,64,10,55,44,12,46,0,3,0,1,32,18,0,3,21,229,76,3,0.07700314903504463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50059727884737,0.0,0.05236478189432462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854912825682666,0.0,0.0,0.07234699330708648,0.0,0.06429441302057831,0.04694040493437388,0.08504392827904103,0.0,0.0,0.16162010839103005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785098424320881,0.07910344555261131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148074870121921,0.0,0.0,0.04966066081602538,0.0,0.06632269943006434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865250038101858,0.0,0.06820193429952684,0.07956483719242595,0.0,0.0508598537036522,0.0,0.06487847418061035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259171580547549,0.0,0.11680531751360687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847732578971628,0.0,0.12069290154911748,0.0,0.13128799240464525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795939315104194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124910236223516,0.2064543505658879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583259069634908,0.08885129534574973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688787388665655,0.0,0.0,0.04231891690333895,0.18830353181086806,0.0,0.1630704329022364,0.08366414673474926,0.0,0.16316880425134428,0.037619849039226105,0.0,0.13599038272206654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405803343813584,0.0,0.06949834840778928,0.0,0.05140019992014392,0.0,0.07736001313239292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292635781375692,0.0,0.11321234927328512,0.05709685930612701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445244780660344,0.0,0.07388659828553931,0.0,0.0,0.08200584061140524,0.0,0.0,0.163873559397937,0.0,0.2565086528853405,0.08338690650285921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905266805762278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740943319269544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933018905017027,0.0,0.07603131994298877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050041054755404,0.0,0.08422894692751445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789678491421505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934050865077426,0.0,0.0611318989986115,0.04490115544525554,0.0,0.0,0.07357980880044138,0.0,0.0522800835753411,0.08375731413924814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625535715099968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859712659566401,0.0,0.0742282878060017,0.0,0.11211841920118244,0.0,0.0,0.054700827746217984,0.08419085531297191,0.0,0.0991750066623154
suicidewatch,OutcastWolf,2018/01/29,"What do you think happens when you die? Yesterday I realised that it makes no sense that we all have a slot in the universe, and we may sleep for trillions of years until we are given life for a short period, and then we are given empty, unconscious darkness like before, but now it's eternal. Because of this seeming so illogical, I think that when we die, we join something much greater than us, its not just like our time's up and we sleep forever, we act akin to a small raindrop in a great ocean. There has to be some kind of infinity to it all too, I believe space doesn't go on forever in a linear sense, but works more like a circle, where there is no beginning, and no end, I think life behaves in the same way. Reincarnation is genuinely a palpable thing, and it surely applies at least fundamentally. I ruined my life on this earth, I am a 15 year old boy that was happy once. My parents, my upbringing and school life began to deteriorate in condition however, and I began to do drugs. I ruined my brain and am now unable to be the person I once was, I can't make friends, get a girlfriend and have been devolved into an anxious ball of negativity. I won't be ending it very soon, but I do know I'll have ended it within five years, so I'll say goodbye early for you guys, love you all",7.79044871794872,5.787662942307692,8.336153846153849,73.8871794871795,63.80769230769231,11.282051282051285,35.512820512820504,9.928628108626363,3.230435897435898,1015,36,205,17,12,341,152,260,0.129,0.748,0.123,0.289,2,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,10,4,0,1,12,11,0,0,13,0,23,9,3,2,4,37,39,18,2,0,5,1,0,3,2,2,5,1,0,3,15,18,0,0,5,1,0,2,8,2,0,2,7,1,30,9,26,27,9,40,0,2,0,1,22,15,0,3,25,148,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049078318984498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580836764440872,0.0,0.10582073410076807,0.14011051656647125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882627651332022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581309545919686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421748274598742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304366877533396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960798040875713,0.0,0.06497268089540087,0.0,0.07067634240637909,0.0,0.0,0.137106734799396,0.0,0.12313540919306895,0.1099706526536528,0.13238294905257667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950123225511684,0.0683447025096332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513550346253729,0.18226723974878184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223926069966214,0.0,0.16602179968366532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141850616324347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049432530725613,0.264877515340979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808645443863093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858587667276172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889562761145383,0.0,0.12585840460500178,0.0,0.1132121744385042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488985257125773,0.0,0.0,0.0957379817621928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720731172672537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261889402084825,0.2390535461798472,0.0,0.0,0.07251499650272626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958910871721692,0.0,0.0,0.10260957183197786,0.0,0.09871074449979322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053516213160193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24025022930792614
suicidewatch,FantastENT,2018/01/29,"I've fucked my social life by being a horny teen So recently, I've had a bit of a falling out with some friends. Said friends used this as an opportunity to let out one creepy habit I've got. I often save photos of my lady friends that feature some more cleavage or ass than normal. It's a bad habit that I've told them I'm working on, but now with this news out my whole social life is likely to disappear. I go to a small school with about 100 kids. This kind of news destroys people's social standing, and since I've just been booted from my friend group anyways, I already have very little left. This all happened over the course of the weekend. I'm going to school soon, and I'm likely going to be incredibly high when I do so. After that, we've got large amounts of highly sedative medications left at my house from various things. I'll probably wait till Either later tonight, or late Tuesday night to take all of them, depending on how today goes. I know I'm a fucked up individual for what I've done and I feel like it's time I pay some consequences. I've felt like killing myself for as long as I can remember. I'm prescribed antidepressants and anti anxiety medication, but those haven't worked well for a couple weeks. I talk to a therapist but I fear to tell him just how big of a creep I am. This is a situation that really demands either you kill yourself or you disappear. I'm going with the former. 

",3.947819548872179,5.229018789473689,5.063558897243108,82.93157894736842,71.63157894736842,7.954887218045112,26.904761904761905,8.418075326091056,1.7525288220551392,1125,38,226,18,21,371,166,285,0.171,0.758,0.071,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,2,2,3,13,19,5,1,14,0,13,7,1,4,2,40,36,19,2,1,10,0,2,4,4,0,4,1,0,1,14,11,0,1,4,1,1,7,1,7,1,1,8,3,22,12,40,25,12,40,0,0,0,3,18,15,3,8,21,136,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248119172556102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797540989043537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510646166025608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128007416106073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127825053948492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043087611864298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114698468659628,0.05153836758985628,0.07281810159197308,0.0978678294745428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150003859005269,0.18846344545950156,0.0,0.0,0.23171441015591224,0.0,0.16304387350062693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901354825621322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153871803049406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761238660638948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22553868415401024,0.1061433735277372,0.05601751551545907,0.0,0.1149803574395814,0.0,0.2214923245085077,0.10422931359058796,0.14399094136657695,0.19918945298695065,0.10215964079560642,0.0,0.09020396197266006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536549827575956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565346640273943,0.0998687833965828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906973178221938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066473806038731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098967071695773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529833069240044,0.0,0.1006425957047867,0.0,0.11546569287796705,0.0,0.09695782533364247,0.0,0.0,0.2063151897315779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431672630333227,0.11457247236222365,0.0,0.3117113533550896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663792659521841,0.0819266732772121,0.08909044313832662,0.0,0.0,0.11834743106947895,0.06771710180508288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943562255059012,0.0,0.09661677856538424,0.09739753242073243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880339337354269,0.0,0.08410210405586678,0.0,0.0,0.08176129960837462,0.0,0.0916464167438442,0.0,0.0,0.11380009407163663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841105932641308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonzo86,2018/01/29,"I just can’t do it no more I wake up every morning crying, I live alone, I struggle to even get out of bed, I have substance abuse & alcohol issues to help deal with my aspergers & adhd, I’m unemployed, I have no girlfriend, no motivation or skills, I’m virtually a recluse, I sleep most of the day as I have nothing to get up for & have bad anxiety that the only time I feel comfortable leaving the house is at night time to go and buy food for myself & cat, I’m just at my wits end with life, I think of suicide on a daily basis about buying a rope and just doing it, thing is I’m so stupid I don’t even know how to tie the thing! Knowing my luck it would fcuk up & id end up a failed attempt & end up a vegetable! Does anyone know what would happen if I just landed up to my local mental hospital & told them I can’t deal with life no more help me? Would they treat me? I can’t continue my life like this no more",1.7931902985074617,2.993901437810944,3.75116604477612,90.54376399253736,76.91044776119405,6.816044776119404,22.512748756218905,7.413659706084162,0.6655495024875626,723,20,167,9,16,246,111,201,0.193,0.716,0.091,-0.9666,2,1,1,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,2,4,9,8,1,1,9,0,15,8,2,2,0,24,29,7,1,4,6,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,8,6,3,0,6,0,2,1,9,4,0,0,1,1,24,4,26,25,4,21,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,4,9,103,32,3,0.0,0.11113043926557042,0.0,0.0,0.11272204601290475,0.0,0.0,0.10023715911540278,0.0,0.09714219806076667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7113795926184774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175208004027714,0.0,0.0,0.06558287868150686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831399229028632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302819961661806,0.06048930887714876,0.1933947936488312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207967769142298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24922067902880984,0.0,0.0,0.12389997835606904,0.0,0.0790254096442198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047425016189702594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134159613460767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800688755941774,0.0,0.05330523727722013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294163978560143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573615388119447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822557251532723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789646763506568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464003059055584,0.0,0.0,0.09931420184979338,0.0,0.0,0.19874822520061133,0.04582296391253668,0.0,0.08282173585316302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452219494103388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801922538275993,0.0,0.08999778078131307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133449071147098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386164110454666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805375358148538,0.0,0.1025953079031776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246250046172543,0.06009934662345854,0.0,0.0,0.10938395969924236,0.0,0.0,0.08962409497811569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988549554150967,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nastasyk,2018/01/29,"My sister is suicidal, how do I help? My sister is 17 and I’m 25. We have a 12 year old brother also. 

She has always been a drama queen, however over the last 2 years she has been having non stop issues which is contributing to ruining my family. I was living at home but I had to move out because it’s been taking a mental toll on me and I wasn’t coping.

First she was constantly using drugs. Then she got kicked out of school. Then she got fired from jobs. Then it was drugs again. Then it was cutting herself. Then she stopped cutting herself.

Now she’s cutting herself again every time something stupid happens. Every time it’s deeper too. First it was light cuts, but today my mum found her with blood running down her arms. 

The reason she wants to kill herself : because her friends went out and didn’t invite her.

She. Tried. To. Kill. Herself. Because. Her. Friends. Didn’t. Invite. Her.

This is plain stupid. She’s already on antidepressants. She does these horrible things over pathetic reasons.

I’m so over hearing my poor mum hysterically cry. I don’t know what else to do. We have tried everything from doctors to psychiatrists to antidepressants to vitamins....someone please help me because I’m not coping anymore 

Tl;dr : sister is suicidal over stupid reasons ",1.7344515103338658,4.502391159663869,2.6850352032704983,87.26910629116513,93.28571428571428,5.093981376334319,23.239155121508063,6.766488616294105,1.1542421985010225,1008,40,178,15,37,318,129,238,0.255,0.6729999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9953,2,0,3,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,0,3,7,12,9,0,5,0,25,5,2,5,0,22,38,13,4,1,3,6,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,10,9,0,2,5,1,1,3,5,10,0,2,16,3,36,2,23,22,0,34,0,1,0,0,35,11,0,0,20,119,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376721313245302,0.089691314282142,0.09332298639588632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112288647976436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734776411299236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120106427983625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231983764782054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479667649002155,0.09814869201894356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601312903614344,0.0,0.09369215705226867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899295930475807,0.0,0.10079880750914677,0.0,0.10573093282753993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080010147967952,0.0,0.12297354144803993,0.1733032843112021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940320094339005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917940332889263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264082473829989,0.0,0.15035194325843976,0.0,0.11250186551651707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706198808161965,0.11129777421404798,0.0,0.2481685512312984,0.0,0.061638143013884726,0.09142231475574547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903602540066782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302712268315247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920434642440353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768911986492772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311388491363295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459459202636517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350811486009495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950296284421683,0.08634336232405082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753529755755804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24536147219861465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432754356019317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451163028456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307984250705133,0.0,0.10631101290292884,0.0,0.0,0.15229346609012434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686699147093768,0.0,0.0,0.06615266335592042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396996934061152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444989832838692
suicidewatch,giantmeteor2018,2018/01/29,"Today i really don't know what i'm expecting from posting here but i just, i really need to spew word vomit at somewhere because i really don't have anywhere else left
i think i'm going to do it all today, its nearly 11am and ive slept for about 2 hours in the last night, i just came back from buying sleeping tablets and i'm 90% sure the lady at the pharmacy knew something was up, or i'm just overthinking things

i dont know what to do with my life anymore, i'm in my 'second' year of uni after failing last year for literally all the same reasons but i haven't been to a single lecture since last november, every time i try and go i just feel such massive anxiety and i dont know why, i dont know how i managed to sit my exams for any of them but i've probably failed them again anyway. i can't phone any hotlines or get proper help because i don't have a phone and i dunno, going to the doctor for the same reason scares the hell out of me more than killing myself, i dont know how they'd fix my life and i really really doubt antidepressants could solve the fact that instead of leaving uni with a degree i'm going to be leaving in horrible debt, with no friends, absolutely enormous social anxiety and i'm so fucking tired of everything, yknow? i havent slept properly in months, the people i live with, atleast one 'kinda' know whats up in the minimal way i can communicate everything and i just. by this point i think i'm more scared about what will happen after i try and end everything more than anything else i feel really set on it im tired of just feeling exhausted and hurt, especially for things like this, that everyone else seems to just be able to 'do' and 'get on with'

i remember when i used to be actually happy without just, feeling like a horrible burden on everyone and im terrified of the rest of my life being like this, but my life outside of my room right now is just gone. nobody likes me, or atleast nobody likes me enough to want to help me so i just
i think im going to do it im sorry if reading this upset anybody i just needed to vent, sorry",3.480158289572393,4.505311839534883,5.187119279819957,82.579223555889,72.46511627906978,8.432108027006752,26.894223555888967,8.841846274778883,1.965574643660916,1641,56,337,31,31,560,201,430,0.187,0.7170000000000001,0.097,-0.9935,1,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,3,2,25,20,3,4,15,0,28,13,3,5,4,75,68,25,1,6,20,0,4,5,1,1,9,0,1,0,16,19,0,0,18,1,2,7,12,12,0,2,7,4,46,8,57,54,10,48,1,3,0,1,9,19,2,8,23,216,62,7,0.07103925665550001,0.0,0.06932406695979773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966182611313008,0.0,0.10868967379692283,0.0,0.07045185378455933,0.0,0.0,0.05845925529052954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054624803376459606,0.0,0.08660974298930248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812499845399813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056719065922492484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727116893779509,0.0,0.0,0.33302991890987904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803255013206545,0.0,0.06291969582829189,0.0734025421154329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985363763027485,0.13576210810958672,0.1915365097327541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367833062342114,0.05075045914900385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054884753471543965,0.06567464806667851,0.0742301591306151,0.0,0.20186623328816355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281978004971071,0.07562260967938968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523223258583832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995935803713331,0.0,0.07604899351856606,0.0,0.30693835034234523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859441214778881,0.0,0.23424790572480755,0.17371942697254408,0.0,0.1504406310785203,0.07718436021426044,0.0,0.20070851142476387,0.17353096235210347,0.0,0.06272896512632185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670285690837816,0.0,0.0,0.10534941734980124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666655300399641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048138038820179536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049249675888338014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067155059456421,0.0,0.06803597081168647,0.0,0.07659233385499949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105848088724505,0.0,0.2730574012658508,0.1460803748266847,0.0,0.0,0.08047362951522821,0.06066713703189312,0.0,0.0,0.14224537762135722,0.0,0.0,0.0646714712112794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876440720485221,0.0,0.0710905603570682,0.07241557597574062,0.0,0.05468949043746897,0.0,0.15904526351245402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695365868273948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439065105280434,0.13655726167614546,0.0,0.0,0.041423561838391014,0.1632983504573594,0.13467381781431642,0.0,0.0,0.0964619842596154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061355108964532334,0.0,0.0,0.0419007941390877,0.056387655327916515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410187968205044,0.0,0.0,0.06847930837411655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149390434524668
suicidewatch,lifelessirl,2018/01/29,i just just to talk i dont know if anyone ever reads this but i hope so anyway. the thoughts are too much to handle fhese days for me...,-1.3520000000000003,0.6377088000000022,1.1016666666666666,100.5225,94.33333333333334,3.0,10.833333333333336,3.1291,-1.9136666666666664,104,1,25,0,4,35,26,30,0.0,0.867,0.133,0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,5,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605420977662001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24030679567781754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43670372468298335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33705292745311555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37009222795705377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047802657171958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273915977334738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727173027018261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994950020302751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29581585344743844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nalem,2018/01/29,"Life is bullshit In school they teach you to have dreams, but in this world, dreams are not feasible anymore. The baby boomers ruined this generation, and to survive you need support. Not everybody has that support though. 


That's not to say I didn't try though. I spent the first 20 years of my life being there for my mother. She's not a bad woman, she just wanted that support we all so needed, so when her husband failed to deliver, she had children to be there for her. 

As you can imagine, growing in an environment with an emotionally unavailable father and a codependent mother left me with significant scars. I recognized I was unhappy with life very early. A big factor that exacerbated it was that my fate was decided at an early age to be her caretaker. 


My mother's own upbringing and stubbornness lead to her pushing so many people away and resulted in her being alone. I was one of those people, but escape wasn't an option for me. So I tolerated her abuse and believed her gaslighting when she told me it never happened. And my dad just became creepier and creepier the more I filled out.  

I found my way out when the love of my life reached out to help me. It lead me to escape the nightmare that was my life. We dated. It was sometimes great, sometimes not. He did help me a lot. I made friends. I became happy if only briefly. I got therapy. I'm on antidepressants. But we ended.  We just didn't work. Despite it being his choice to have his affair, I can't help but feel responsible. If only I had been better. If only I can perform better or look nicer. If only I wasn't so broken.

My dream is to be a cartoonist, so okay. I took this break up as an opportunity to persue my dreams. I moved to Los Angeles. I had friends there, they'll help me. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. I only got 6 weeks in before the weight of everything crashed on me. Homeless, broke, and lonely, I retreated back to family. 

Now I'm here again living with my family. I'm staring into the abyss that is my life. 31 years old, jobless, indebt, unsuccessful, single, and most of all, unhappy. It's hard for me to cope with a life like this anymore. I want a way out but the only way I see doesn't have a way back.

I know it's silly but I just wish for something to make it all better. 

",2.232066666666668,4.537744295555559,3.964666666666666,84.44900000000001,79.37777777777778,6.755555555555558,23.555555555555557,7.870641169985416,1.3593555555555557,1783,61,348,31,45,597,211,450,0.087,0.69,0.223,0.9968,2,3,1,0,1,0,63.0,4,3,2,11,24,21,1,0,21,1,35,9,0,5,4,66,60,33,0,9,20,6,3,1,2,1,7,1,0,2,21,23,1,1,5,4,1,7,13,6,0,2,23,7,67,15,48,30,8,50,1,4,3,1,41,18,0,8,21,250,88,6,0.0,0.09698720935292457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477920867214421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236037995008146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690738548482151,0.1258860250579274,0.0683472108606565,0.0,0.0,0.06965431364682619,0.09222485507279228,0.0,0.21718770469904908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207815454160467,0.07250104271396728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356783113571301,0.0,0.15433506812810335,0.0,0.04138937994085246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962755806937612,0.0,0.08975202142732752,0.126485095116964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309371084673998,0.09024767773501988,0.0,0.0,0.07238591186288239,0.08713834328553441,0.07332783122916565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194681989974829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044986489511325986,0.06672441450635587,0.0,0.0,0.08893791559348432,0.0,0.4047263467270421,0.039991215939822015,0.0,0.07228126773590425,0.07244090623839346,0.06873929901852979,0.0,0.0,0.06959192983376239,0.0738791762757712,0.0774551123173402,0.054640211134637344,0.08299019257057917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700108111495042,0.0,0.1213919188041449,0.06313319708148467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589519569413581,0.0,0.05546845010492158,0.3735358141535468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349873225623225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509600526290367,0.0,0.08284369659633949,0.06522946437038284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630175500694197,0.16191741514328178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786712034786671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361066138633417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084825621778845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821791149350664,0.09094618552206317,0.055575558249407006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754063237498605,0.09656280837458132,0.2598972390856024,0.06566078151483659,0.09967982468446553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413155847888534,0.0,0.0,0.059592901455170384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542650245965823
suicidewatch,freefalling12am,2018/01/29,"I'm at the top of my apartment complex, I'm jumping at 12 tonight My mind is set, just asking to hear something interesting before I fall. 

Our goverment treats ex soldiers so poorly, fuck Australian politicians 

EDIT: after chatting with you lot I think I won't jump, I don't know if that makes me a coward or what and I don't mind. In the next week I'll be getting a dog hopefully so he can keep me company.

",1.2916666666666679,3.5685591190476202,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,82.80952380952381,5.6380952380952385,26.0,6.937597516519254,1.2382714285714287,322,14,65,4,9,108,66,84,0.085,0.825,0.09,-0.1477,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,14,17,5,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,11,3,7,15,1,13,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,4,4,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489769239920832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266220492280689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24621218232244504,0.13914326160633084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001664255825838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645197554234519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367209463332943,0.0,0.0,0.1463646672670682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264190819340853,0.0,0.0,0.17777329169261122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378224989082178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283238521537004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050291731604056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064962101827058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362899268890853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okaywellwhatayawant,2018/01/29,"i’m really drunk and i could use someone to talk to the girl im in love with moved to LA do pursuit music and she just gets hit on every day now and I know I’m not good enough compared to other guys and shes gonna get taken away by one and i am so enveloped in her that I just dont want to go on without her. 

i know it sounds stupid but it’s how I feel. I have a gun next to me, I just wanna talk to someone before I do it. Is anyone awake",-2.229824175824177,-0.5364706857142849,1.0457142857142865,101.9512087912088,93.95238095238096,3.6117216117216118,13.791208791208794,4.713530739802397,-1.4331098901098902,338,6,91,1,13,120,70,105,0.105,0.867,0.027000000000000003,-0.6554,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,2,0,20,22,8,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,6,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,2,14,2,16,18,1,10,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438259785720625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400413708590386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570776757234047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486544988189608,0.0,0.0,0.13316895710972226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420047232452545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335935159568076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739767172553185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044075401774053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576498803060334,0.0,0.11735301640014865,0.17319400162407134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445754834603586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230446164449724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696298991704356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863652723551123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194661742932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960444042967905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992295707701105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228277114904466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499165865052383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319376546755517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834104771424036,0.0,0.0,0.12179314246093705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990489758439888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kindaweird57,2018/01/29,"I’m so tired I’m so tired of everything. I’m tired of hurting I’m tired of feeling so empty I don’t even feel human. I’m always bored or sad or alone..anytime I feel the slightest of happiness I can’t help but feel sad because I know it will all be over soon and I will be alone again. No one even thinks that I could be depressed they all think just because I’m ‘me’ I can’t be sad, sometimes I don’t wear socks and put on shorts so people can see the cuts on my ankles but no one cares or asks. I’m sure it sounds like I just want attention, and that’s probably it but I just want someone to comfort me or tell me I’ll get through this but I have no one. None of them notice or blink a fucking eye, on top of everything I keep having these nightmares where I feel something chasing after me and I try so hard to scream but all that comes out are small croaks. I can’t sleep anymore because of them so I’m stuck laying in bed crying or trying to find anything online that can keep my attention. ",1.6953850129198962,3.1357182930232597,3.118565891472869,93.97836563307496,77.69767441860466,5.89405684754522,23.107235142118864,6.42735559955562,0.3722506459948316,783,24,180,6,18,256,111,215,0.238,0.6579999999999999,0.105,-0.9833,0,3,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,14,14,2,0,3,0,17,8,3,0,4,40,44,21,0,3,14,0,6,1,0,2,4,2,1,1,9,6,0,2,11,0,0,2,9,9,0,3,1,10,24,5,18,36,4,15,0,5,2,1,7,10,1,6,4,110,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218488798511514,0.0,0.0,0.09789339020094992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667619183395952,0.0,0.0,0.09681510021874157,0.0,0.10998593078409946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515320984906133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199509933757037,0.0,0.0,0.1013441935948162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393315094948036,0.0,0.12923189887583916,0.0,0.0,0.1013309087567716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554121059400472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147066497474004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29743433929831203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752905190219154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087646019917074,0.0614667451695016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523954502203458,0.10539039272872863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885764278069822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594568460449004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091436684259792,0.0,0.0,0.06465681198545689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747735727278501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394416290099873,0.0,0.0,0.23916601552043845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156300115650672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684551729758986,0.0,0.0,0.11826973689503853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375101857294464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773396173746754,0.0,0.09968361340556647,0.09057194573043464,0.11635786634845785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088278739039888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283040900138032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507694536883677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5408808609180359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975189261273842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878485326780454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sp3cialunic0rn,2018/01/29,"I cannot get the help I need I've tried. Please, if nothing else, believe that I have tried. I've tried friends. I've tried family. I've tried professionals. Friends just tell me - or tell themselves - that I'll be ok, because I always am. Family...well, family was the cause of many of my problems, the perpetuation of many more, and where the rest of them seemed to go to die. I gave up on family last year, and that was the best decision I have ever made for myself. Professionals? It's the same with each one, no matter what kind of professional they are (doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, dentist, etc). First, they start with an 'open mind' as I tell my story, and they of course nod and give affirmations that they are listening and that I should feel validated. Then they proceed to treat me like any other person on the standard script that they are used to treating. Then I try to work with them, and subtly point to the scientific queues that my case is actually, for once, different. Then they proceed to outwardly 'acknowledge' those queues, while inwardly keeping me on the same internal script. Lather, rinse, repeat, until it's one missed-queue too many, and I am officially giving up while they are officially starting to believe me. I wish I could say that I am delusional, and that nobody ever believes me. But they always do...a moment too late. The doctor believed me...a moment too late. My therapist, who I put my faith and trust and all of my honesty in, did not believe me until the twelve thirtieth hour, when it was already too late. It's like no matter how hard I try, and no matter how honest and upfront I am, I cannot get anyone to see me for who I am, or believe me for what I really need them to believe, until it is too late, and i have given up. And it's always the same. They always end up believing me, and confessing that they were wrong, and mistaken, and following a script that belongs to 99.9999% of people, and couldn't believe it didn't belong to me, until it's already too late. Why do I always check out before they finally check in? My doctor thought he knew better, and disregarded everything I said until it was too late. We got the scan and the proof that I really was dying of a terrible disease, rare though it may be, before he believed any of my ailments were more than mere psychological manifestations. My psychologist, witness to this all and claiming the entire time that he believed me, failed to believe the one thing I needed him to believe - that I needed to be pushed, and challenged. He treated me like some delicate flower, and no matter how much I pleaded with him to listen to me, to PLEASE believe me, he believed his own script that he had in his head. It wasn't until I was checked out, and done, and ready to be dead, that he confessed he finally did believe me. I still don't know if he was saying so much because he truly felt so, or because he was just trying everything he could think of to bring me back. But in the end, it was the same as it was with everyone else: too little, too late. I cannot get the help that I need, at least by the time that I need it. I truly am helpless. The fight truly feels futile. And no matter what anyone says to me, I have probably already said it to myself, and you are all too late. In the end, it comes down to me, like it always has, my entire goddamn life. I cannot rely on anyone else, ever. And sometimes I get REALLY. FUCKING. TIRED. knowing that the only person I can depend on is me. Because I cannot get the help that I need, when I need it. And I am only human. And eventually, every human needs help beyond their own abilities. What will I do then?",5.2123433325236785,5.842377476256981,6.103898469759534,79.02401384503283,68.23184357541899,8.851785280544085,28.554044206946806,8.903607488879933,2.1658982025746907,2867,93,551,47,46,948,274,716,0.08900000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.1,0.4602,2,0,0,0,1,1,123.0,1,1,16,7,28,24,2,0,27,1,57,8,1,7,7,108,101,59,3,17,10,0,4,4,2,3,6,7,0,4,48,41,0,2,13,0,3,6,15,7,0,4,27,13,94,17,73,64,19,75,3,2,2,1,63,24,1,9,49,397,142,10,0.0,0.0,0.03678334931350461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478690846114986,0.0,0.188183714668308,0.0,0.0,0.05126564849862368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906836581486762,0.03862137236346491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02898392018666532,0.0,0.09191025772264258,0.0,0.06414866356984651,0.6794813864179938,0.03955692818412182,0.033336774782986474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03872153466535976,0.0,0.0324695514368371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019027175000075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823965645199267,0.039381610616210184,0.0,0.11574246521551805,0.0,0.038573464695695205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446406951974493,0.0,0.10015557014393056,0.0,0.04203813708812178,0.0,0.10228759342664774,0.031758339595325265,0.03601768667891838,0.0677528469093338,0.0,0.1066020305566907,0.0,0.03811786047670398,0.0,0.036191602911795705,0.082582617950742,0.0,0.03206201140986965,0.0,0.0,0.0582436994096192,0.034846967681210095,0.09846630443947688,0.07231794342417472,0.02142204431816156,0.0,0.030146878492235542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03376590859596078,0.0,0.03868433265805602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106044352940913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037120434753499625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033503651559932526,0.0,0.03925190583115483,0.04143064556608367,0.03072517546986296,0.34015863733380136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02662398359509115,0.07366042166692482,0.03777871822781165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03566643386224888,0.0,0.11464566221555406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038059618051591866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541801468074753,0.2515427995979555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036167861675711496,0.0,0.0,0.0401422716521818,0.07662612891205117,0.05733510249611658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02613187758918101,0.06582489651304807,0.0,0.0827521317274492,0.0356324739514664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063989166358095,0.03606752089716035,0.0,0.03789230709050775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724421273439155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171016528121132,0.0899259828154499,0.0,0.0,0.03003678268910515,0.034314682050640165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03842370396992174,0.0,0.0,0.03727976505084274,0.0,0.053359206036807764,0.0,0.03010202105071129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883715492444647,0.0,0.0,0.043764976232683585,0.02504183930537357,0.024152427277731512,0.037033602564187834,0.029924372190079214,0.043958683087497306,0.04332305165156797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047309119675785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03255502027195428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034012456790287325,0.0,0.043345583065999324,0.0,0.0,0.027441265202768454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041211847344112464,0.0,0.024273332416715192
suicidewatch,lu029,2018/01/29,"I'm currently in a psychiatric facility after going to the ER for suicidal thoughts. I guess I want to be alive but, being here is isolating and I'm scared Ince I get out Ill still feel like I want to die. ",0.6146511627906968,2.9108113953488406,3.4058604651162803,85.96181395348837,86.2093023255814,8.091162790697675,22.55348837209302,8.841846274778883,1.9610595348837208,162,6,35,5,5,57,34,43,0.305,0.546,0.149,-0.9001,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,12,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,1,7,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508594183092378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093646573276106,0.2415146134731453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662567483226865,0.0,0.19213085407849967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37241811439850775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516210493797606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33846331610221503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26998016286703674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697896330405779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683868589408388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988004944352599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamsilvershiver,2018/01/29,"Thinking of the ways Terrible night. I can't sleep because of severe mania, unless I take meds. My seraquil isn't working tonight and I've just been laying here counting the ways I could do it without even leaving my property. 

Literally it's all I can think about. For over an hour. I can't stop and I can't sleep.

I'm at 9, but I deleted them due to rules I just found...",1.0169230769230744,3.1009703717948764,2.886858974358976,91.7310576923077,82.46153846153847,5.438461538461539,25.134615384615394,6.6274283507984215,0.8536615384615387,291,12,63,3,8,97,56,78,0.059,0.919,0.022,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,8,2,2,0,1,13,13,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,11,0,9,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397724032901848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830685528610884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144317551340478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514034764711442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258034089004605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427838697192998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546883112763306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517212795448884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590312259284381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589090386092317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916958120090476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239673968617195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938381755896909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639977595617599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102634592235576,0.0,0.16692507155354713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,csneal,2018/01/29,"don't know where to seek for help the past 3 years of my life have been completely terrible. everything i do has no significance, and for the past few months ive had extremely gruesome and strong urges to take my life.

i no longer enjoy anything, yet i know i cant die because my family would be devastated. ive never spoken to my mom about suicidal urges, however she always brushes off anything i really need help with (ex. health, school, etc.) and just forgets.

often people recommend therapy, anti depressants, or the national suicide prevention hotline, but none are an option for me. although i constantly want to die, a small part of me fights these urges. if you have any time in your day, I would really appreciate some advice.

sorry for the poor writing, tried to keep it short as possible + thoughts are scrambled and im new to reddit.",6.502405063291142,7.334557215189875,7.077063291139242,72.46508860759496,65.45569620253164,11.130126582278482,33.52151898734177,11.00357731598739,3.970684050632912,672,28,117,19,10,221,115,158,0.152,0.713,0.135,-0.4373,1,0,0,0,1,2,24.0,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,0,6,0,15,3,0,0,1,24,22,9,4,5,4,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,18,2,17,16,5,16,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,5,10,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903619257194413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838991032578053,0.0,0.0,0.09675654781142196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341717047402255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867337047920083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491798292876422,0.1537561503937413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176003276953094,0.0,0.1225471625440512,0.0,0.29533222662538616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868189090319082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787376661233305,0.0,0.13413068033435058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512389699678271,0.0,0.0,0.1907370709737398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536888307775441,0.0,0.0,0.12646665979863153,0.0,0.0,0.15638878492604932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099577920822434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663880162535358,0.11356802785022024,0.0,0.0,0.10550020065936842,0.10973654632002837,0.1374167126244405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407739541764262,0.2716482809098688,0.09864033080270893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040142547010985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229881316078164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439968442772358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927289999879318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112665358539783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697825590078518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271171355398714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295590842331454,0.08296570016073758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660004726556244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392153085731291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021459104262945,0.0,0.0,0.09162485669457568
suicidewatch,spinachicken,2018/01/29,"I'm afraid I don't know what to do anymore, I failed my family, failed at life, and just letting go seems like a blessing in disguise",3.2325000000000017,4.135260107142859,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,72.92857142857143,7.028571428571429,28.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.3236571428571429,105,4,23,1,2,34,24,28,0.266,0.557,0.17600000000000002,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,6,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,13,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387485446898352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41706164124912143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514299094188257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313513937165326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523908005071346,0.3124849190049922,0.21613755522583145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027504224894952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bbballsack,2018/01/29,buying a .44 tomorrow i'm morbidly obese and brain damaged. neither of these things are solvable problems and they prevent me from dating or working. rather than live my life this way i've decided to end it.,2.7592307692307685,5.7345438974358975,3.487897435897441,83.94876923076926,84.38461538461539,6.196923076923077,30.87692307692308,7.554174236665415,2.5630061538461533,168,9,28,3,5,53,37,39,0.141,0.831,0.028,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,18,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624840444224014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669374886270026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926248933610994,0.0,0.0,0.3658251780243585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964190564734548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752355044889607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288436850053413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016076566819367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrincessxBoom,2018/01/29,"i thought that i was okay i keep thinking that i've somehow magically been cured of depression, but it just keeps coming back. i can't run from it. i can't keep doing this. years and years pass and i'm still the same old person. i can't stop crying, so i guess that's good. i've had times when i just couldn't feel anything anymore. right now, i just feel sad for myself. i want to die. it's not like there's anything in particular that makes me suicidal. life is much better now than it was back then. i feel so lonely. ",-0.07442857142857306,2.1889908818181816,1.6342857142857168,97.34000000000002,90.1818181818182,4.5974025974025965,16.948051948051948,6.18269132825596,-0.4729220779220778,407,10,94,4,14,132,71,110,0.212,0.648,0.14,-0.9094,0,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,1,1,10,1,0,1,0,23,23,7,2,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,4,5,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,5,3,13,4,6,17,2,17,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,13,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484393846216387,0.0,0.0,0.2901625971636655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113028960934804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559245496009739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186832609009002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365916747223855,0.0,0.0,0.15184841822912,0.0,0.1829733570902896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26743034975369545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787352315380947,0.0,0.0,0.1942162275737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701152238161219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452712290473135,0.08613211795832389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768277108148492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960205411481038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499900424917026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539398668308768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056071067082047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079478608730345,0.1473961371685775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284547326868592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129670272414154,0.0,0.13996387731578908,0.10280295418631873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398732578951783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706506247404734
suicidewatch,seltsacdnaS,2018/01/29,"No one else cares why should I? I really don't want to be alive anymore. I've never dated anyone or had a first kiss but I'm not a virgin. Usually what people would consider a slut or a hoe. I'm gay and even other gay guys don't want to date me or be friends with me. Anyone who does want to be friends with me are just using me for my advantage, I can barely find the will to wake up in the morning and I can't even care for myself enough to brush my teeth or wash my hair.i just stand in the shower every morning thinking about all of the people I've hurt and stuff I've messed up. I'm on the brink of not being able to graduate high school. I'm not talented or skillful and even if I graduate I won't be able to make any money or get a job. The things I do like doing I can't even get a job for. Not to mention I'm super ugly and I'm just going to die alone anyways. The only reason I don't want to kill myself is that if I am found my family will get sad and mad at me. If I die I would need to make sure it's more like I went missing with no trace of me left. At least then they wouldn't have to feel as bad. ",1.3126378198460602,2.05703372332016,3.548612440191388,93.33765550239237,77.3794466403162,6.591137923861037,19.639900145620967,6.8360192770164,0.004641106719367461,864,16,215,8,19,299,132,253,0.224,0.65,0.126,-0.9825,3,1,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,1,4,9,19,2,0,13,0,25,8,2,4,3,46,50,18,3,12,17,0,1,2,2,7,1,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,5,0,1,2,14,8,0,2,3,2,26,11,30,35,4,19,0,3,0,5,6,10,0,9,8,139,33,5,0.2388416522367406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236839604218736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121025687511225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843337017619712,0.16700363658894984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971140159759982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435149824170463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787992678791296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450596969893168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997607764761869,0.0,0.0,0.12339363657931518,0.0,0.315505317466194,0.0,0.10061719658272356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257932668304957,0.0,0.0603827578797901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091484715815102,0.10157929369012847,0.0,0.13093877189783365,0.1845284680457708,0.0,0.1871773582020546,0.0,0.0678696075370877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118245393172723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261746594523852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784246427998922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370134859734432,0.0,0.132121450432575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297510769982307,0.0,0.0,0.11668596692501892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594286575038488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854902939097826,0.09210470316289172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092264241307971,0.09082491957154352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558272869236038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650403915644621,0.12278449876018825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086025160541534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670827472320862,0.0,0.0,0.11255271532913913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933789046555285,0.07652004337503708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314125096577573,0.13152516832215244,0.0,0.2817499893261181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070430223778907,0.10775872085055337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696662570472041,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Naraima,2018/01/29,"I need a real, convincing reason why I should be here. I can’t keep doing this. Like clockwork every couple of months I’m here again, wishing I could kill myself. Planning, over and over in my head. Trying to work out how I can pull it off.

I need a real reason to stay. That’s the only way I won’t keep coming back to this place. The only way I actually won’t kill myself one day. Right now, it feels inevitable.

I need something important. I get that the sunshine is pretty but those “little things” everyone raves about are pretty bullshit. I like them and all, but they are not going to outweigh the....suffering (for lack of a better word) that is living

I need something believable. Not “everyone loves you and everyone will be happy one day!!!”. I need something I can believe. Something to hold on to, an actual fucking reason. 

I want something...that I want. Something hopeful. Something...not shitty. I get that I’m alive right now because I don’t want to be the asshole who quits on her family etc. But that isn’t overly helpful. It leaves me feeling trapped here. I don’t WANT to be here, but now I HAVE to be here. I want that something that makes me actually WANT to live.

I really want to WANT to live. 
I just want that reason. I want suicide to stop seeming like my best option. 
I want to feel like being alive makes sense. I don’t want to feel like existing is wrong. I want to feel like I’m supposed to be here. Because right now I don’t. Right now I am certain if i had no family up the road, I’d be long gone already.

Does anyone have an answer?

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suicidewatch,joe_diertay,2018/01/29,"Going to kill myself tonight I have my noose tied and hanging up. Last time the knot slipped and I survived. I've run off anyone important to me. I'm estranged from everyone in my life. My girlfriend cheated on me with my roommate and I moved out thinking it would help. It didn't. I'm losing ground at my job, none of my hobbies are fun anymore either. I'm done. This will be my third attempt and I will succeed. Goodbye.",0.8303422459893035,3.3362601411764707,2.138930481283424,93.49064171122996,88.76470588235294,4.032085561497326,26.550802139037433,5.565023196281405,0.7746470588235299,332,16,66,2,11,106,63,85,0.087,0.735,0.17800000000000002,0.7568,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,9,13,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,1,2,0,14,2,11,7,2,14,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29615723587137993,0.20880658601148305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055985813315524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28535040963406605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971631676068782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001630422297244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29634071362533315,0.0,0.3303859672423059,0.0,0.0,0.24342044741967425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092872212130806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33408665787893943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173927002233837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913477975083724,0.0,0.0,0.17413150846988454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213569128780005,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,basquiat45,2018/01/29,"Just getting it off my chest I have thought and fantasized about killing myself every day every 30 minutes for the last year or so. Added onto this I am haunted by my father sexually assaulting me when I was 12 (17m now). Not even trying to be cliche but I have lost the point in living in society, I feel like socializing with people, taking care of myself, working etc is all just playing apart of a game. My sucidal thoughts are at their worst when I wake up because sleep is a temporary relief from my mental baggage and it all comes flooding back when I open my eyes, I hate it so much",3.829487179487181,5.342145111111114,4.910769230769231,83.0092307692308,72.24786324786325,7.593162393162394,28.384615384615394,8.167268648758528,1.936292307692308,466,18,90,7,9,153,90,117,0.158,0.736,0.107,-0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,2,11,9,3,0,4,0,8,4,4,0,2,15,17,9,1,0,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,2,17,4,14,12,5,18,0,1,1,0,4,9,0,1,9,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159453383061113,0.0,0.12640975959694956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142574977164552,0.0,0.0,0.178629384491007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373536517113466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312704124603469,0.13696477243439134,0.0,0.34943338625450004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485161718838616,0.1481439182021998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083413510614314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473321386747564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942224286458585,0.0,0.0,0.16903279964419615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013096516694022,0.0,0.18310996263695625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263669393982153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089784210113824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524395227847937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437630334509004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603002222633428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207518007424624,0.21138581490303374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591511561679802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292544521898917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407894287598661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096655469234005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335383532346639
suicidewatch,Hayate_Immelmann_,2018/01/29,"Suicide..what's it like? Has anyone here actually survived a suicide attempt?
What was it like?

I ask because..I'm kinda flip-flopping on it right now.
I don't wanna die,but I just think we're all just too fucked to get any kind of positive ending.

Maybe the ""express lane"" is the best way out.
The express lane being suicide in this case.",0.9213266998341644,3.4809123432835847,2.459601990049752,90.68784411276951,89.74626865671641,4.171807628524046,23.862354892205637,5.82211442006289,0.5876215588723053,265,11,51,2,9,86,54,67,0.172,0.617,0.21,0.2375,0,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,6,7,2,7,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,4,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2404400410139549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755291263118607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228085963026935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230340377384466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585699674576516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557127961064745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182274484027792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778258355625056,0.1287280398320241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657614176134313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407463585731472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24753078409983925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041478891604493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390189694303761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578760692983516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955720538956181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arseneisbest,2018/01/29,I just want to die I hate my self and I hate school so much and I just can't handle it anymore. I don't have the heart to kill myself but i just want to be dead or happy and happiness hasn't been a thing in a long time. ,-1.7891666666666666,-0.10520517307692323,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,91.1153846153846,4.235897435897436,12.512820512820511,5.46131890053228,-1.5105487179487185,169,2,47,1,6,58,36,52,0.264,0.529,0.207,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,10,10,6,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,4,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291541966065544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398087861278813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919455609887605,0.0,0.4562573129188078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27381290527789465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25563897053108064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448508035782606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985921759973033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23384991761275806,0.0,0.0,0.2410509839369888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350918852553713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473574538841768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725760161678994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Noodlestar,2018/01/29,"Lost and alone I was in a 7 year long distance relationship. To me she silenced the dark passenger. She was depressed, lonely and suicidal but I was there to make her smile, laugh but I could never hold her because I wasn't in Canada. I helped her she went to a therapist. She got better. I was going to marry her become a Canadian citizen take her hiking, visit parts of the world. I bought the plane ticket where I was going to propose. Our relationship wasn't the greatest we had small fights but we always made up. Her therapist tells her to leave me.  I'm devastated, it feels like there is pressure on my chest. I'm trying to lift regularly, and continuing my dev position but it's hard. She still talks to me even though she didn't have to but she doesn't want me to die it makes her sad but i always make her laugh in the end. I don't understand I thought she moved on why does she care..

I'm not materialistic, I don't care much for money, fame , a higher position in the company. I want to live because I hope my future will be less lonely but I want die because I know life has let me down before.",0.9068000000000004,3.3318809244444485,3.0262222222222235,88.20866666666667,86.42222222222222,6.177777777777778,19.88888888888889,7.526774132740827,0.7625555555555552,868,26,181,16,27,293,122,225,0.205,0.672,0.123,-0.9387,0,5,0,0,1,0,24.0,3,0,0,2,6,14,1,1,10,0,19,2,1,4,1,28,43,11,3,5,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,1,2,5,8,7,0,0,15,2,45,7,21,24,4,23,0,5,0,0,29,11,0,1,8,120,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303235020387457,0.0,0.0,0.20940380335080566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301171731464372,0.13897102362170113,0.10707335240252364,0.0,0.0,0.11128775053640028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658723410251155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046622672464997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083785005663004,0.0,0.2611864952732838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011600783694817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114493746277372,0.0,0.0,0.08311052974005702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362419543173219,0.08989406035373312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302590095044004,0.0,0.10063895847559028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272032273439805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434221293010839,0.0,0.0,0.12497908780879832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915371055440905,0.0,0.0,0.13323740707567228,0.0,0.12867125071512886,0.08887852120979188,0.06147492284600373,0.0,0.11111153419197156,0.11135693219733712,0.0,0.0,0.13735996427864733,0.0,0.0,0.1190648231577185,0.2519805425905837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373898800948267,0.092500642806051,0.0,0.09704902260151407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626326991065593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701919146515053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048921142313696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137639255499671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946096402971175,0.10113860635133767,0.1099822914540302,0.0,0.0,0.2922001776668604,0.0,0.0,0.12362882583743205,0.0998961683884164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543133973838074,0.0,0.0,0.13099504610652304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226560654052189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664707621888967,0.11354337157832567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810313709188553
suicidewatch,thelesone,2018/01/29,"Nobody cares. And all I do is hurt people. I’m going to kill myself. All I do is hurt the people around me, and then no one cares... about me. 

My mom barely remembers I’m her kid.
My sister will be better off without her damaged older sister looking over her shoulder. 

My mom doesn’t even pay attention when I’m in trouble or need help. Tonight was an emergency and she told me no. I’ve got nowhere to go right now. 

Then I did something to my ex boyfriend (recently as of tonight) and I do not know what I did. But my other ex was right. She said all I do is hurt people and make them want me to go away. So I can go away. He wanted me to go away anyway. Whatever happened freaked him out that much.

I’m pretty worthless and I think I know how I’m doing it, tomorrow. My arm is already pretty scratched up from my nails and teeth. I’m waiting to get home from picking up stuff for work, delivering it so they have it, and then putting my head in my oven or something and ending it all. 

She was right. I’m a manipulative, horrible person. I deserve to rot in hell but first I deserve to die, tomorrow. I’m not leaving a note! Let them find me in my apartment. They’ll just be glad the crazy is gone. 

I’m sorry. I don’t want to do this all the way. But I tried to be better, and there for people. No one wants to be there for me, when I’m about to break down. And I’m too afraid to ask. Because the answer is always no. So it’s fine. 

I just had to post... somewhere.",-0.23495003041626816,1.8920045594855281,1.954346050230296,96.02184148779007,88.61414790996784,4.6483357956026765,19.659424698009907,6.099015368709567,-0.11103100721300097,1122,35,259,10,37,376,156,311,0.132,0.789,0.078,-0.934,0,2,2,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,4,4,17,16,2,1,7,0,29,4,4,4,5,45,65,26,2,5,10,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,10,13,0,1,7,0,1,7,9,10,0,3,10,3,43,6,38,48,6,42,1,5,1,0,24,18,1,2,14,174,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123849464254802,0.0,0.08387607880542436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973594267031983,0.09423709383236333,0.0,0.2841228973525942,0.0,0.0,0.061448505520463485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830392733472966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055505270073245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461748406619982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928143977816037,0.0,0.0,0.06657935749485294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213201435466543,0.08574288589471245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052665349020673984,0.0,0.28644302413263145,0.0,0.08062127885856248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913966184279609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345284575601367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756605166811012,0.0,0.10111351663984673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237347326128303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115234614964161,0.0,0.11079726315060368,0.0,0.0,0.10673570467091993,0.0,0.10307778361498553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464903891007777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728671115985592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361182505959887,0.0,0.0,0.0741017219496734,0.07474406493039068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661329278168827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795361238819857,0.08801719453278183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654130317713527,0.2051055548270332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133474539743537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953069194389534,0.0,0.11419002289682376,0.2582553493046699,0.09588663107557152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520597748330586,0.0,0.11284058138996805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539519103384162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459042103382785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632148025969896,0.0,0.06843854476076626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23782462259799586,0.08001264130598884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717038784387487,0.0,0.07338570375417018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onwardp,2018/01/29,"I need help It seems every day it gets worse and worse, my depression and my life. It has been 10 months since my girlfriend broke up with me and started this cycle, but that isnt the reason im still depressed. My mom verbally abuses me and when I retaliate she calls my white fucking knight dad for help so he can come in and make me shut up. I just don't know what to do at this point; i've tried multiple times to talk to my mother about my depression and with no alas she has gotten me no help nor had me checked out because she doesn't ""want to have a weird son"". I just don't know If i should talk to my counselor about my depression or what to do at all. Every day I want to kill myself more and more, but in the end I know i'm too much of a pussy to do it. I'm too much of a pussy to do anything. And yes, my parents verbally abuse me but I won't do anything about it, I have a good living conditions situation and I won't risk telling CPS what they say to me to take what I do have left away. I just want advice on the depression. ",2.92178466076696,3.2311896150442507,4.226707964601772,91.59454572271387,73.20353982300884,7.796578171091447,24.358702064896754,7.793537801064563,0.8551201179940997,807,21,197,10,15,267,116,226,0.234,0.693,0.073,-0.9912,1,0,0,0,2,1,17.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,2,1,7,1,21,2,0,2,1,33,38,17,1,6,8,5,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,12,13,0,0,5,0,1,1,9,10,0,0,3,2,34,1,28,32,5,21,0,6,1,1,19,12,1,3,8,132,46,0,0.0,0.27455948543522635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322083525367566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069218965951085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885792222376416,0.0,0.0,0.07062954126937508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830996818500135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980646687453316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494452251732237,0.0,0.4989669180571771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262100081996003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524061950636967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711428312516948,0.06053409127880247,0.0,0.0,0.09718111913287401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329833343031733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515286464558745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818620826574126,0.0,0.1910272626798869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588643648963965,0.0,0.08183807965196901,0.0,0.0,0.10230992214633336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734003459470494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569836714229205,0.09248143762755252,0.0,0.17034655551820613,0.08591159335655166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286531188517723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952881003030958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912735803570593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213960185118306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054781179856968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584379264023718,0.1302358472014145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200904530701482,0.0,0.09252903824984213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711521268680399,0.18625398374783086,0.10127013147614533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756115581016138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786639639264583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501854179836204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236150369219998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashsepticeye,2018/01/29,"At this point, I think ending my life is my best option. Let me start this off with something my mom told me: ""You millennials-- something is wrong with your way of thinking."" Also, this is the first time I've thought that ending my life would actually benefit the people around me.

This is my first post on this sub, though I've been a lurker for a few months. I have reached the end of my rope and though I try to be positive, my parents seem to be growing restless with me. I may seem calm in my words, but I am currently crying typing this out. I apologize in advanced for a long post filled with possibly unnecessary details. But I have no where to turn to, no one who would truly understand my position. And I have no idea where to start.

I won't disclose any names/genders, as I want to remain as anonymous as possible. I will refer to my oldest sibling as ""One"" and second oldest as ""Two."" I am the youngest of 3. I was often treated ""better"" than my siblings and no matter how bad I felt about it and no matter how much I tried so hard to side with my siblings and demand equal treatment from our parents, nothing ever changed. At times our parents even took my demanding equal treatment as if I was denouncing/rejecting them as my parents, when that is clearly not the point I was making. I'm not going to pretend I had a rough childhood and that it explains why I am who I am today. Because I didn't. A very average middle class, nuclear family. I'd say we were taught some good values. We all ended up with some good character. One and Two are very extroverted, they know how to socialize and make friends easily and start/keep conversations going. Very independent and confident in their decisions. Two, though extroverted, prefers a more lowkey lifestyle. I, on the other hand, very introverted and shy. I'm more observant than I am talkative. Always have been. But when I am with friends and close family I am able to converse and interact quite normally, I'd say. I very much hate being the center of attention. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. As soon as my parents start talking about me I suddenly just lose my voice and try to disappear. I used to be quite confident in my decisions but event after event has turned that all around.

Flash back to my middle to late teenage years. These I would think are the very formative years with permanent consequences, because I am now in my early twenties and I don't seem to have changed except I think I've just gotten much quieter. I think it's a given that teenagers are meant to rebel and make mistakes and do stupid shit. I am by no means trying to justify my actions or trying to victimize myself because I know I have a very large fault in how the consequences of my mistakes translated into my personality now. I became very close to One in these years. We spent a lot of time together and I love them. I really do, but in these years that we grew close, One was very manipulative. I realized this when they finally left the household. Bit of an example: Because One is so charismatic and extroverted, they easily can get anyone on their side on any issue. On more than one occasion, when someone would wrong them, they would explain the situation to me in a way that their perspective was the correct perspective, and I would believe it. I would be on One's side. I would antagonize whoever wronged them. You might think ""Well it's a family/sibling bias. We're all prone to siding with the person we're close to."" The people that have wronged One where I took their side, were either friends of ours or family members.  And it was not until One was out of my life that I realized I was always on the wrong side. This parasitic relationship was so bad that when I had ""done wrong"" toward One, I feel bad immediately and become frightened of them scolding me. I had never been so afraid of being scolded until I had experienced being scolded by One. My parents have scolded me before, but it was more respectful? Like with a mutual respect, in the end I would feel bad enough but not so bad that I would be terrified to make another mistake. With One, scoldings were more of authority and fury. I became so self conscious of my actions I learned to stay silent and just accept my fate of being scolded. Even the littlest things would warrant a scolding. ""I saw you flirting with that guy. Are you dating? You know a lot of [our peers] think you're a flirt."" I started to distance myself from some of my friends. I became cold. I started to hate going to family/friend events, but still always went out of obligation.

After about 5 years of things like that, each of my normal, interpersonal skills were replaced with my more anxious, shy traits. I became overpowered by my anxiety. When I graduated from university, One had moved out by then. I learned how to function like almost a normal adult. I became independent and did things on my own, for myself. Became a little bit more confident in myself and my actions. But then with One gone, and Two kind of gone (Two had moved out during their university years, they went to a school that was a little far from home, whereas One and I were still quite close to home, which is how we grew a lot closer), the pressure of my parents became focused on me. I was the only kid left living in this house. And though I had become independent and more confident, graduating had suddenly put this weight on me.

When I say Two ""kind of left"" I mean that because Two still comes home to visit. But I know they hate coming home, because they told me. They don't have a ""real job"" and my parents don't support their lifestyle. When One left, they kind of basically ran away. They didn't have a ""good enough"" job and my parents don't support their lifestyle either. So they left when everyone was sleeping. At the time, I didn't really understand. I was totally on my parents' side, One left in the wrong way when it could have been handled better. So One never comes home to visit. Don't even know where they are now.

Anyway, so back to the present. I am unemployed. Unless you count freelance as a real job, which my parents do not. I am and have been trying to find a real job since I graduated. All the while trying to possibly make freelance my main thing in case I never find a ""real job."" It has been almost 2 years since and I still have no job. I feel absolutely horrible. I live with my parents because they refuse to let me leave. Not like in a controlling kind of way, but like they just don't want me to be on my own until they know I have a good job and can stand on my own. They are nearing the age when they should retire, but because of me they still work. And because my siblings have left on kind of bad terms and my parents don't like their lifestyles, I'm trying to be the one kid that doesn't leave on bad terms and is able to live a lifestyle that they would support. I feel like they deserve that much. I feel bad almost every second of every day because I do not have good news to tell them about my job search. I have started to feel so bad I can't even talk to my parents anymore. I feel like a useless kid. A worthless kid. I'm at the point where I wish my parents would just get so fed up with me that they kick me out of the house out of their own free will. It's not that I'm lazy or have no ambition (like my parents like to tell me), I just have reached a point in my anxiety that I can't do things when people are watching me or expecting something out of me. I don't know if anyone else has this problem. But it seems like I hated being the center of attention so much I can't even confidently do things independently unless my parents don't know. I badly want to go to the nearest establishment and apply for a cashier job or secretary or assistant to anything. But said jobs are not good enough for my parents. And I can't seem to find my confidence when they are around. I don't know what's wrong with me.

And earlier my mom confronted me. She started crying saying that she and dad are getting old and they are worried about me. They're frustrated with me. They want to retire. They want to live their lives without worrying about me. They don't understand why I'm ""not trying."" They think I don't listen to their advice about getting a job, even though I've already taken their advice and I still don't have a job. Then she said that ""You millennials-- something is wrong with your way of thinking."" At this point, I realized she made it political. She put me in a box. The box labeled ""millennials."" It's not that I don't want to be associated with the word. It's that she's associating me with the negative definition that her conservative idealism concocted. So on top of everything else, I have to deal with living with parents who have a completely different political mindset than me. Which is hard. But I try. This is when I think I really started to remain silent more often.

So now I'm here. Realizing I am just a burden to them. They have told me countless times how much they want to retire. They pray that I'd get hired. I once almost got hired. But they told me to turn it down because the job wasn't ""good enough."" And then earlier when my mom was talking to me she said that I should just go back to that job they made me turn down. And I really don't know what to do. I want to leave but I have no money to leave. And I don't want to leave on bad terms like my siblings. But I feel like I can't do what I need to do as long as I am living with my parents. And I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I have so much I want to do with my life. But I feel like dying right now would be the only thing that would help my parents.

I am here now, maybe as a last farewell. Telling my life story before I end it. Maybe hoping someone will be able to convince me that I am not burden. Even though I know that's a lie. I know I'm a burden. That's basically what my mom said. They want to move on with their lives, and retire, but can't because I'm still here.",3.800998249151103,5.282905409778227,4.803651315789477,83.87095394736843,72.27116935483872,7.902504244482174,26.96392190152801,8.472884824447931,1.8080098790322587,7879,276,1578,133,152,2573,525,1984,0.139,0.747,0.114,-0.9971,40,0,4,0,0,1,244.0,9,9,53,15,99,96,10,3,77,0,185,11,3,22,11,323,323,145,1,46,54,26,16,14,4,23,5,10,5,9,84,102,2,3,65,1,3,31,56,46,1,31,68,30,297,51,234,212,48,239,1,3,2,1,154,100,1,29,113,1148,381,27,0.057709959481338766,0.0,0.01877219856401656,0.0,0.0,0.037595669663461936,0.0,0.0,0.07705091764558009,0.0,0.021228125112235947,0.01538354458239751,0.04801930933693887,0.0,0.0,0.02616316760409628,0.02017130811341519,0.029431974029412538,0.02173194257567558,0.03815518178452431,0.02690143032849655,0.019710224445374413,0.015830126481972892,0.05137409916031063,0.0,0.0,0.018073468876138702,0.04437539661794188,0.17667982060776646,0.14071782262138394,0.0424907441372623,0.032737949986173236,0.02167312069259563,0.02018768068470184,0.034026512940754115,0.04200288600343969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069965670913734,0.04971202010414054,0.02016926484608574,0.0,0.021575542245259583,0.0153589022479024,0.0,0.0422611204262131,0.012406049879878013,0.019832144729814344,0.0,0.0,0.01996460890468744,0.020098208239749976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01968577500645989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032139510644266206,0.0,0.1022277897539841,0.07950641998505822,0.0,0.08893939591094538,0.01740065410280133,0.03241541991544724,0.018381446463466983,0.017288663474052862,0.0,0.05440381374414036,0.0,0.09726629834677086,0.0549706754459514,0.018470203744084708,0.02107281325709084,0.05274585746187577,0.032725374702453534,0.0,0.0,0.07431095256589706,0.0,0.05025178656376824,0.0,0.05466316649963826,0.11294354395908425,0.015385308834118403,0.0,0.0,0.01904731101114336,0.0,0.0,0.034464525536019856,0.07596884967734333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01289392312220152,0.0,0.0964796579037763,0.019106337077317282,0.0,0.0443930299693248,0.0,0.021715839924673568,0.0,0.02007806806011132,0.26725173996452906,0.017098421199827196,0.0,0.10016007025330796,0.12686353794047364,0.015680439807659385,0.021699782654617576,0.1018441907173338,0.14630475961158654,0.039341562359365916,0.06793708511321964,0.13157279874635047,0.03856036023376157,0.13589053737998058,0.03404766540964475,0.0,0.021520894341226143,0.0,0.04906294382335361,0.017361830526386082,0.036404372686458235,0.07704369215794625,0.0,0.03865160736317795,0.04190870941968405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02040704906014196,0.0,0.09011894274622333,0.015354513024291822,0.0613365539008659,0.09898807429426293,0.014263734571723759,0.0445094784581595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654350730712473,0.01845808752285294,0.0,0.020185631538523617,0.02048640779943301,0.2607050806003042,0.029260683130619306,0.0,0.0,0.4485605634354063,0.0,0.0,0.04000881954280703,0.03359340709479965,0.0,0.0,0.09092427536207197,0.06505930823446099,0.03684679245126445,0.0,0.0,0.01840687910779057,0.0,0.03867629925100647,0.0,0.06138164556772804,0.0,0.08758209094370321,0.04929397038895107,0.0,0.0,0.02065296637784381,0.0,0.016427996691733945,0.07319384921933239,0.061191034783635835,0.0,0.01946851999426924,0.0,0.08756163279552343,0.020068024604510317,0.0,0.01974614803106417,0.031825516560819785,0.021622804136513945,0.019250545641299487,0.01960934536821924,0.032598307595094224,0.05923726168301235,0.0,0.0,0.12254221905726875,0.020503712750889382,0.10753691244051193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548857812546265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638507941668757,0.05044104825611922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945984311799872,0.12326070603203255,0.11339948436189372,0.015271753854384944,0.056085235774615286,0.0,0.018234097913287763,0.07352578585386793,0.042745258939037765,0.13060424768866036,0.08369581877821569,0.13153990459909767,0.06007810307110641,0.0,0.01661429196107328,0.0,0.1587225348266394,0.14750159370087246,0.07634579943130207,0.0,0.023425061164889124,0.017296061420411988,0.035665140407029436,0.034716174814613344,0.0,0.02212120177673093,0.01854344718510133,0.0,0.014004512608238257,0.0390715101075972,0.0,0.20497749717958025,0.189290343694892,0.0,0.08671441755815469
suicidewatch,doobiemancharles,2018/01/29,"I am Suicidal, But in a better place than I was a week ago. A week ago I was having a depressed manic episode that involved me not sleeping, locking my self inside my studio apartment in a city full of things to do. I choose to isolate myself and let my delusional mind wander as I sat in my cage.

I choose alcohol, and was drinking over 1200 ml of vodka a day. I was desperately trying stop intrusive disorganized racing thoughts. 

Often the thought of shooting myself in my head with my 20 gauge sitting just 5 feet away seamed appealing. 

In this drunken and manic state I sent many concerning nihilistic/I am worthless type messages to family and friends.

They came to my rescue, and after detoxing in the hospital I am home with family. I feel much better. I still have those intrusive thoughts of ending it tho. Luckily i have a supportive mother who is willing to watch me as a 27 year old.

Now comes the challenging part of staying sober. 

Just thought I would share!",5.0009601873536305,6.7724359071038265,5.628075722092117,77.99372950819672,69.7103825136612,8.725839188134271,32.19711163153786,9.23628265651192,3.0885209992193605,773,35,134,16,14,250,118,183,0.105,0.778,0.117,0.3164,0,0,3,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,3,6,8,0,0,11,0,15,6,3,0,0,24,25,9,1,1,4,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,6,9,2,1,7,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,11,2,25,6,24,11,3,29,0,2,1,0,9,11,0,1,12,97,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25525402982022216,0.15386773709329815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352712278977146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25467209521964496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467145012882264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402352580732395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285332063879524,0.0,0.12400726801893347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104274848545065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275209787715197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714575985356607,0.0,0.07279914940846781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123635278570056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776204528382827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444207736902748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722634277451738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597018455016444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537583097878193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058397370736494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107975025822976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559131723049617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042542888511512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019951888248828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440810817472644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534604352536108,0.11498030060248872,0.12037130514747806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748758247704928,0.16338351051140992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565198981558197,0.0,0.0,0.457206950185793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775100217107184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309794952524674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227720321208562,0.0,0.0,0.09271653398940463
suicidewatch,averagegarbage,2018/01/29,panicking I'm scared of admitting to my parents that I've failed the past 3 semesters at my local community college and that I've been on academic probation. I don't understand why I feel like suicide is right and that scares me.,9.392666666666667,7.318253266666673,9.44277777777778,67.4375,60.77777777777778,14.333333333333336,44.72222222222222,13.023866798666859,5.805888888888887,187,10,35,6,2,62,36,45,0.317,0.634,0.05,-0.926,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,4,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,18,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257730258265512,0.21557511499995066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742312795741905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33506521089501484,0.0,0.28806100579906124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576986545869473,0.0,0.0,0.6042223883906946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300729571685985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141394661417674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722885726727906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneHorseCanyon,2018/01/29,"Fear I can't get around my fear.  It's been giant part of me since I was young.  Instilled in me through my timid mother and through bullying and rejection during elementary school.  After high school I worked hard and dangerous jobs trying to prove that I wasn't fearful.  It didn't help.  Machismo is no antidote.  

I developed bipolar disorder combined with severe anxiety and depression.  I withdrew from college several times due to the illness.  I'd get back up and try even harder at jobs.  I even went as far as working as a logger, then as a roughneck on a drilling rig.  I finally did alright for myself on the rigs, found some actual confidence, but then was laid off when the price of oil dropped.  I was still sick, and out of work.  Full of machismo, I thought I would try for the next level, and work in a refinery.  Because I was laid off the state paid for my tuition.  I started an online process plant program.  I was also able to get on medicaid and see a psychiatrist.  The medications reduced the depression and anxiety greatly.  

But, now that I've finished the online program, graduated for once, I'm boxed in by fear.  I'm scared to death of working in a refinery as an operator.  I'm much more comfortable working with my hands, and would have been been way better of going to school to become a rotating equipment mechanic and work on the equipment in the refinery, not operate it.  I'm 33 now, I used up my window of time and funding for retraining, and I'm no further than where I started.  I have medications now, but online school led to a regression.  I've been by myself in front of a screen for almost two years.  If I had gone on campus and done a mechanical program I would have been raring to go.  I don't see a way out of this shit, maybe back to the rigs, but I'm going to run into the same shit.  I can't get rid of my fear.  Might as well call it all off.  ",3.9025752895752888,5.336539191891891,5.222490347490349,81.15601351351353,71.94594594594594,8.637065637065637,30.511583011583014,9.140100540675403,2.6626447876447883,1471,64,287,31,28,491,184,370,0.187,0.768,0.044,-0.9941,2,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,8,13,18,3,7,25,1,26,8,3,2,2,39,49,29,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,7,20,0,0,3,0,4,8,8,13,1,1,20,6,31,5,62,25,7,60,0,3,3,0,3,28,2,4,20,195,38,19,0.08054582853173152,0.0,0.07860110977152003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065501245370336,0.0,0.0,0.06441246997641936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323467672629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170286410054777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386954068723978,0.0,0.04909998947359194,0.08895653944893944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123623984898904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224629649440113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874800817884328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231249766069312,0.0,0.0,0.082426347502321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063995201988156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531822508573962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823401810751692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831434358848446,0.0,0.0,0.16832748400541625,0.0,0.13732815160178982,0.0,0.0,0.08880206030798794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215324155138378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539881710316224,0.08510109011662667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985861278502958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091911085530333,0.0,0.0,0.16228289678956775,0.0,0.08544639552043036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921045169263471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856614024159984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577867865482579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722328316617438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064042569365899,0.32606671444267377,0.12836919407243094,0.0,0.0,0.18198771956453927,0.16535827102632927,0.06662834169907404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402150400372775,0.0,0.06432400271072906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394439079784106,0.093933840698495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405599121800551,0.0,0.07868157070886721,0.0,0.0,0.06956573476223604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786705917754293,0.0,0.0,0.07242037301516137,0.07466679000304025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41046825727101904,0.0,0.0,0.1716523368486719,0.0,0.0,0.05186887277571425
suicidewatch,critical2210,2018/01/29,"I feel like a monster. A few months ago, I hired someone here on suicide watch to make artwork for a subreddit. I had the means of payment, and gave the artist all the info she needed. But my parents just so happened to ruin any happiness I had. 

My gaming PC? “The PlayStation is bad for you” gone

VR headset? “A 65 year old man fell on a table and died, we know you followed all safety measures and aren’t that old, but he died so VR is bad. Gone

The payment I had for that artist who was in dire need for funds, “I don’t want you spending it on the PlayStation.” Gone.

Not only are the ways I stayed happy gone, I now am in constant stress wondering how that person is living, and wether he thinks I’m a monster who used her to make artwork for free. Along with that I have to deal with, “you are a bad kid” “back in my day we didn’t use technology” and my favorite, “ you will never do anything in your life”.

I just can’t take it anymore. Every day, just collecting more reasons to pull the trigger. I can’t afford to pay the artist, and any things I had were taken away. The only forms of tech I still have left are a Surface pro, and my phone. I bet if it wasn’t for school work those would be taken away too. Had to lie to a gaming group, saying that my PC was broken, just to stay in the group, as they removed people who didn’t play games with them and I had yet to play, (my parents removed the PC around that time.)

When will my life end?

EDIT; looked through artists posts, he is transsexual so I replaced “she” with “he”",1.9948148148148164,3.63896833757962,3.0754918612880395,93.72646732719984,77.40764331210191,5.416183062042935,22.776126444916247,5.82211442006289,0.17727662184477433,1174,35,260,6,27,376,164,314,0.117,0.8,0.083,-0.9205,5,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,2,6,2,1,16,11,0,1,21,0,31,2,0,7,3,45,55,17,3,5,8,2,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,3,14,16,0,0,7,9,5,9,9,5,0,0,19,4,37,7,36,32,5,42,0,1,2,0,34,13,0,3,17,172,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158682552107724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586514855606282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136533459369299,0.0,0.0,0.09430681533331084,0.10201914027543084,0.0,0.0,0.21534272561566167,0.08812105489610535,0.2870610133639289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238429117440038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478162611486205,0.11814854498022945,0.0,0.0,0.2378753811373819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150242430933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965562411456115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794568253633079,0.08187093994372517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101341239586181,0.2439896796705378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298168378875166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451426500681426,0.0,0.16189207704314787,0.05598823433456468,0.0,0.1011947364162898,0.0,0.096235933091768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299404497725708,0.0,0.0,0.12483402847729365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147338310681256,0.0,0.0,0.16995030125005894,0.08838731579973433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405088333384628,0.0,0.0,0.1743183697027497,0.0,0.0,0.2545015806525132,0.0,0.0,0.07944986753841407,0.10006512717740362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975602928010073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782886100870985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113527336572716,0.0,0.11598227733702852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710101110215123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429872423917465,0.09152046487879316,0.0,0.13127499840778326,0.0,0.0,0.12535483631032407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616565041542347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613577742128612,0.0734316599103236,0.0,0.0,0.06682473420721087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979568471105956,0.0,0.0,0.06759460816864303,0.09096489805866008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242798392444082,0.08343085482495456,0.0,0.0,0.0814092251927046,0.0,0.0,0.07379925298679445
suicidewatch,TheKillingTaco,2018/01/29,"i dont know what to do i just burned all my bridges with people who genuinaly cared about me. i feel like i want to be alone but when i kept pushing them away i didnt think they would actually leave. anyone would right? we all have our breaking points and being a depressed peice of shit probably isnt much incentive to talk to someone. now im alone. i live in country side canada so its not like i could walk out onto a freeway or find a gun. but i want to, i really do. i hate who i am and i hate how i push everyone away but i cant stop. its like im supposed to be alone. 

then i look at other people on this subreddit who have actually endured some fucked up shit and have lived long enough to know its best to get help. hats off to you guys. please tell me how you do it. ",-0.05670028364323796,2.0286090658682667,1.9696312637882123,96.59631894106523,87.0838323353293,5.192436180271037,18.370312007563818,6.5966054737557815,-0.15174730538922174,602,16,143,7,19,200,106,167,0.233,0.618,0.149,-0.9689,0,3,0,1,0,0,13.0,2,2,2,1,9,11,5,0,3,0,17,3,2,2,2,29,30,12,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,2,5,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,2,2,25,5,21,22,6,21,0,1,1,1,13,12,3,2,8,97,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.24416862041017565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887127587114551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747623657359248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508029421615184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312898466648792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275527566118715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988606182958144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775264446063552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662198032664134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926677724576302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954306813937544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325678315927133,0.08937494681883998,0.0,0.0,0.11434358816042668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565743988782486,0.06536213303188386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387349399311205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470303246128685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385515979086235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27026946355270604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750873369842376,0.0,0.0,0.13246799760529251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335976609913046,0.0,0.22093979113392626,0.11071387646617592,0.10505658549969316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196647697264683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346393459976067,0.0,0.0,0.137327583111594,0.11826454318199943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488421345949106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014538563081185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068388786386606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568367102403186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060009535651544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459327629763243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055455864840143,0.10934717389601037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016215159878984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475801918108018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774182578487893,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Garbagehuman3000,2018/01/29,"I probably actually deserve to die... I took my current boyfriends virginity, and i deeply care about him. But at the same time, im very jealous. I am a sexual assult survivor, and I am so fucked up from it that I slightly resent that he had someone who cared about him for his first, meanwhile I had someone thrusting himself into me, and when I cried out in pain telling me to ""shut up its supposed to hurt"". I want to kill myself for even being remotely jealous about that since I actually love this guy and I dont want to wish bad things, but it hurts me so much and I feel so alone. I dont know what to do...",4.242819999999998,4.602005072000001,5.324550000000002,84.71802500000003,70.28,8.17,30.825,8.07648339933343,1.96942,474,19,102,6,8,157,81,125,0.21,0.706,0.084,-0.9456,1,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,5,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,0,15,18,11,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,3,1,22,3,18,14,2,12,0,2,0,3,9,7,1,0,4,75,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.3032475662001497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609218495974573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297318028652236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316830745406121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067236251573212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125492812784642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641971569549585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262385492693576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856237016237089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216206665490912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364186970465165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153845877111548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326647325790911,0.0,0.16783187967171426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189963923041296,0.0,0.08539014709437602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023218521665642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421865048468373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653301687024597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675207460389431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852797192640333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632978073065161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580477417256107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322437956651452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906005292369688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262756538151766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820081308845474,0.1832886384450073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786738132281075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gothfrog666,2018/01/29,"life is weird I want to die but also don't? Maybe I just wish I wasn't born. I have so much to be grateful for but I still act like a sad little brat. I think the only reason I'm NOT dead right now is because I'm scared the attempt won't work and I will get brain damage and my family won't pull the plug. I also have an irrational fear of being stalked ?? I don't even want people to know my first name, or else I will have a mental breakdown. I am too anxious to be alive but too scared to die",0.9882882882882916,2.088361882882886,2.933513513513514,95.99774774774777,78.81981981981983,5.654054054054054,18.63963963963964,5.82211442006289,-0.4449387387387387,383,7,95,2,9,129,71,111,0.294,0.57,0.136,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,9,7,0,3,6,0,16,2,1,1,0,15,24,9,3,3,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,1,0,13,1,7,16,1,8,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,60,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292973812361824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693833051028995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116632471031606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448656659423428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802184569225932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302121871945418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098694972234299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268335692804013,0.20612550920188213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581060880009442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957026347778516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066951237259683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938361974875687,0.08949122840170777,0.18359188422441175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402632602729088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459974244888472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465647079212595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931467229759895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699214981273665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833688252843744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643250469569706,0.0,0.0,0.3667850798859396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628571383331224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737268601261015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160855611983289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064497794512746,0.0,0.0,0.13335533391308158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MagicMoons,2018/01/29,"I'm going to end up killing musket because my mental state is so bad. I've been trying forever to get a therapist so I can figure out how to deal with depression, I've had a horrible past with prescription drugs so I really want to avoid them. But life seems so pointless, I feel like I hardly have friends, nothing seems worth the energy, I cannot find any excitement in life even though I should be excited about going to college next year. I have a really awesome healthy relationship but my terrible past relationships haunt me still. I'm an absolute mess right now, everything feels hallow and void and I don't feel like I was meant to be alive, I want to die so badly. Everything feeling purposeless and empty is so much worse then just being sad. I'm going to kill myself sooner or later. ",5.021688311688312,6.3688398701298725,6.037532467532468,76.712012987013,69.12987012987013,10.015584415584417,28.935064935064936,10.230975488527342,3.0758,636,23,116,17,11,211,104,154,0.292,0.5760000000000001,0.133,-0.9878,0,1,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,0,13,14,2,1,5,0,14,3,0,1,0,24,30,15,3,3,4,0,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,9,0,1,3,2,9,0,0,4,5,15,5,14,22,1,17,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,11,68,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128143874933982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224153956600314,0.08182575278425154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838589667859308,0.11561265428229425,0.0,0.1393102129271552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566492798912807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888850603660195,0.0,0.0,0.08865807232844561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24127568952585415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714841807924109,0.1917887933013062,0.0,0.0,0.12268437395258408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370626015463058,0.0,0.07012996968375235,0.0,0.22885909964054055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202442886253842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970126323742985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896221426216025,0.13115662174487966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527291460281565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986749658072984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427558093676105,0.0,0.0,0.128797920125196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25627667042819463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719831714133237,0.0,0.0,0.2882269477364293,0.0,0.11463223387034273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439706817657225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719676318326916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558521198637435,0.0,0.0,0.13188092311837474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113379401299644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834541954995904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679249068041024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644013178915456
suicidewatch,trombonerz,2018/01/29,"I envy people’s happiness, sometimes. This is really fucked up to say, but when I see other people around me laughing/smiling, etc. I get a little jealous. Or a lot. Well, when I’m in a downer mood. Which is most of the time now. 

Like my fiancé and I fight a lot, or hell, even when we’re not fighting, he’s just fine watching his YouTube videos/playing his games laughing away while I just lay down in the room wondering,
“Wow, I have no fucking life except to lay here and scroll around on the internet, look at Depression Memes on Facebook, and find comfort and acceptance through Reddit.”

This was just a post to vent. Normal me wants everyone to be happy, and wants to love everyone. Ive just been in a weird rut again.
",2.738862405200436,4.8442757464788775,3.6277464788732394,88.50864030335863,76.74647887323944,6.622751895991333,25.007583965330447,7.61054688173877,1.2890849404117013,564,20,112,8,13,180,99,142,0.16,0.604,0.236,0.9326,0,0,0,0,3,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,14,19,6,0,9,0,7,4,0,0,0,25,17,12,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,4,12,10,19,14,4,21,1,1,3,3,8,13,3,6,8,77,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29877200285962396,0.0,0.0,0.15766251621936145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453404622110422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715191178751067,0.11083656891489607,0.0,0.0,0.320698270049069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337481078994342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102742925008834,0.08767351932779235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572725915717232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852878777134347,0.0819832281645897,0.1681891689537883,0.0,0.0,0.14091768661873713,0.0,0.0,0.2853312122622521,0.1514545937873638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441764627484412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267590755320694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607150805496079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750304021915474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344882186384738,0.0,0.0,0.1337224171572631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659678516588178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785104846868946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795674037767416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088086204784906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198220640693952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elrythe,2018/01/29,"i am invisible in a cruel chaotic world in a world that doesn't stop moving, i am invisible. the constant screaming anxiety that pits in my stomach and the depression that's slowly killing me continue to grow. i am invisible.

nobody sees my hurt. i am a stepping stone to be used and thrown away. i am a rusted cog that doesn't fit in the scheme of the factory. i am lonely. i am invisible.

i just want to be seen. i want company and no pill crammed down my throat can fix that; my demons name is lonely, and it's my only friend.

does a tree that falls in a forest with no one to hear it even make a sound?",1.9037012987012965,3.5956225158730177,4.0487012987013005,86.43720779220781,77.80952380952381,7.43896103896104,24.15295815295816,8.296473431620573,1.3962317460317464,471,16,103,9,11,162,71,126,0.26,0.682,0.058,-0.979,0,4,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,11,0,13,3,2,2,0,12,20,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,8,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,7,0,1,1,5,15,1,13,17,0,17,1,4,2,0,3,10,0,0,3,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817546219672208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433895901408112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27994514739276183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312267439778205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266997424231452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110260401576372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001443376690732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29197248106328383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773224707306837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866046683067455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729204355268512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753332120301293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554157187474995,0.19702210248647914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643235364366214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658059204365496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373932412189615,0.0,0.0,0.30559330817159924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoldWeedGotArrested,2018/01/29,"fuck the world >I can be a warm sun

>Let my rays only shine on your grace

.

>I can be untiring bedrock


>Let you stand on my spine all your days

.

>I can be an expansive ocean


>Gently shallow or brutally deep

.

>Loyal devotion


>Let me drown in all that you need


>But I can't connect with nothing real

.

>My love, so sweet, it keeps me innocent and blind


>My heart, it beats but it can't find somewhere to be at peace

.

>I got the feels

.

>I just want to be your moon


>Glint your eye when the heavens are dark


>but this distant satellite 


>wont receive your transmissions at all


>and I can't connect with nothing real

.

>My love, so sweet, it keeps me innocent and blind


>My heart, it beats but it can't find somewhere to be at peace

.

>I got the feels

.

>This morning's sun is stepping on my head


>and I know better than to fuck with it

.

>I should take this rope off from around my neck


>but in this moment my spirit has never felt so free

.

>Fuck the world, I got the feels",2.44566433566434,5.134374948717952,2.0268181818181823,96.31840909090911,81.56410256410257,5.186480186480186,22.70979020979021,6.574015621080383,0.4465384615384616,805,27,164,8,22,234,105,195,0.104,0.705,0.191,0.9646,0,0,0,0,0,0,68.0,0,7,0,3,6,13,3,0,8,0,17,12,6,0,4,28,34,9,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,7,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,4,11,19,11,19,23,3,20,2,0,4,4,10,13,2,1,4,88,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863515805997715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178631102131762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594566400901478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215016088249899,0.0,0.12795643581458505,0.0,0.2436057561796796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696073197670186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197554249423353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367695523421348,0.0,0.0,0.3158421399909409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690621555673014,0.0,0.0,0.07323960965549804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088211073871258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405558687011996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881518701641663,0.10278309689817973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557449960057239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013549383312322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30337218672896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019958537953216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786038482821877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GuitarsAndBooks,2018/01/29,"My life is going to shit, and maybe it isn't worth it. I've gone nowhere in life and my family hates me for what little I've accomplished, now add that to the fact I have no friends. Life is all about how much money everything is, and I'm broke and I don't have a future either. Never had a girlfriend, or a tight friendship, and I feel so alone all the time. I think it's time I just ended it already. ",2.7110344827586204,3.2450561379310368,4.035114942528737,91.95887931034487,73.82758620689657,7.179310344827586,22.54597701149425,7.1686216300943375,0.478825287356321,312,7,74,3,6,103,58,87,0.179,0.7240000000000001,0.098,-0.732,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,5,0,8,4,1,1,4,17,14,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,2,2,4,3,0,0,2,2,8,1,5,12,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,6,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483958991970041,0.2646630016450433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242191310489889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554751280584952,0.0,0.22609433743103105,0.0,0.12126737685619013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852953066482205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630330185757233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367866177632608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082059609319579,0.0,0.24037687337020225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409456880685129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630573140429298,0.0,0.18497491901442675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618635801314756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536760701703294,0.0,0.0,0.27969849941243674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsTanah,2018/01/29,"Nobody's ""First"" Choice I genuinely feel I could disappear of the face of the Earth, and nobody could notice. They might, but it would only be a group of 10-14 people who I have Snapchat streaks with. I dont feel like anybody wakes up and says ""I cant wait to talk to Tanner(thats me) today"". For instance, I wake up and think ""Damn I really hope Lewises day has gone well so far"" But I dont think anyone thinks that about me.  Im not second on the list, or third or fourth. Hell, Im not even on the list unless someone needs something from me. I feel alone, I feel like there is no way to break out of it, and I feel like nothing is really worth living. I want to give love, have friends. But nobody wants to love me or be my friend. I dont know if this is the best place to post this, but Im feeling suicidal right now so oh well",1.5104166666666683,2.9920126931818203,2.797363636363638,95.90521212121212,78.31818181818181,6.056969696969698,19.68787878787879,6.742157984588678,-0.04591393939393917,638,14,152,6,15,206,107,176,0.161,0.65,0.189,0.8301,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,8,13,2,0,6,0,16,5,3,0,0,36,35,15,1,8,11,0,6,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,10,0,1,2,7,2,2,3,1,7,19,11,20,28,1,17,1,0,0,2,10,8,2,6,7,93,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749508132382615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932356707961295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905380668762745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115362608658636,0.0,0.0,0.07316281088571591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39887101734199737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492952765934016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441680080477829,0.24313596012752905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964964845257958,0.0,0.0,0.17529506077947807,0.0,0.0,0.10882703551187813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267674560730136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36762106078359896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234655083945615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627087853316866,0.0,0.10017424748162053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477756187198634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034749864615035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411822659908046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088537914825602,0.12915818620679712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628023613481588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864866271734157,0.0,0.11852615641756742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864920478151396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535188348800873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688163652622003,0.0,0.09021622815328456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961218049607635,0.0873357074948443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240907070888622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118300684320092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807343543785812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753284649171646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382591322247506,0.0900475709802011,0.0,0.0,0.20400183507593184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058826141107672,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Comiccow6,2018/01/29,I just lost my only friend I overshared something two weeks ago that got my friend mad at me. She hasn’t spoken to me since and I’m beginning to panic. She was my last tether to the real world and the only person I can hold a conversation with. I can feel my mental state getting worse and I have no idea what I’m going to do.,0.7951428571428565,2.743923085714286,2.975714285714286,91.53928571428571,82.42857142857143,5.142857142857143,17.142857142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.3397142857142854,256,5,56,2,7,87,49,70,0.189,0.725,0.086,-0.7717,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,14,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,1,13,2,6,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062484417371248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764524255197555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595214452477843,0.0,0.12156078147207272,0.0,0.13223205963039436,0.0,0.18608792770893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626567782038877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896575870418105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25398743677366153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23447723256228545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539129403141813,0.0,0.2729888086536098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315898687359504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26483007237375794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246751849192054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791211893858454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272853605418895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663431485333154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711121139232996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rainhider,2018/01/29,I hate living I want to not exist. I want to go to sleep and not wake up on earth. Make it stop. Make it all go away. ,-4.16357142857143,-3.0247045000000004,-0.7631428571428565,110.50814285714287,111.85714285714286,2.24,5.6,3.1291,-2.975108571428572,86,0,26,0,5,30,19,28,0.2,0.7120000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,9,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166550309261393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830889752728356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327518171644672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976076605127937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499463253776615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372779275061377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28177595447655723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975833904560782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emmiebird,2018/01/29,"Being suicidal is like your mind being dead but your body is still living. I barely eat, barely look after myself, do nawt with myself most days and rely on substances yet it’s still going. Fuck sake. ",3.027631578947368,5.6872799210526335,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,78.73684210526315,4.852631578947369,14.76315789473684,5.985473137389443,-0.3321263157894734,159,2,26,1,4,51,32,38,0.231,0.7290000000000001,0.04,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,5,8,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,6,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,6,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450162884024624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031694127456706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178302845682288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715277503956504,0.0,0.0,0.17652610491837856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174774090635776,0.0,0.2742732080283901,0.0,0.2608331127826901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136262827928508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961050819737199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397555477121808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Halcie,2018/01/29,"I wish I could just throw myself in the trash I am dealing with a really bad bout of trauma reenactment from being abandonned by my father as a child. I don't know how to make it better, and what doesn't help is that my boyfriend is dealing with his own stress. His coping mechanism is hiding, and it triggers my rejection trauma. So then I lash out, it worsen his shame. So basically everyone has a bad time.

I just feel like my state gets worst and worst. The more I try to make myself available, the more exhausted and worthless I feel. I thought he could be great because he wanted to disclose our relationship. I was hesitant, but then I gave in to make him happy. Ever since then, I feel like he puts less and less effort in our relationship.

I feel terrible of saying that, but in a way I envy my two friends battling cancer right now. I wiah I had a way to escape my hurt and the one I cause others.",4.587357274401473,5.302217270718239,5.547748618784532,82.15304097605895,69.66298342541437,8.464272559852672,27.23802946593002,8.59863814320734,1.833949907918968,710,22,142,11,12,234,107,181,0.251,0.637,0.112,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,2,7,21,1,2,9,0,13,2,0,6,1,31,26,15,0,4,4,1,4,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,7,9,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,15,0,2,4,5,31,6,17,18,7,17,0,4,0,0,19,6,0,0,8,104,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457671408277837,0.08971548668098946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016283701675935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118753504187973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23501183251200966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30345845037418595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312668905635666,0.0,0.14063040925306838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976610000790433,0.2102812909812665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370573792544048,0.0,0.07689198262178172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225909912039113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666873026770056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864717062156562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755207739065286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088260489238251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380289518755268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29471799132003224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972844697516756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479498309034953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428299404081984,0.0,0.0,0.3160181240120123,0.0,0.1256852066869851,0.0,0.11703812702314365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174328683908775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858653484207411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168391725222913,0.08581794338889406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992102003043986,0.0,0.1437669434281104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680663419062477,0.2336386538483901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924204878078006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LudacrisMargrine,2018/01/29,"I think I'm going to kill myself after high school. My grades are absolutely terrible, and I have no idea what I'm going to do after high school. I tried fixing my grades but it was too late, and I doubt any colleges are going to accept 50-60% grades. My parents desperately want me to succeed in life, but i know I'm not going to be able to. I've contemplated suicide for a long time, but now that high school is coming to an end and I'm running out of time. I don't have any friends, and my family is surely going to hate me if I'm the only failure kid. ",2.2795985060690955,3.306843999999998,4.539775910364148,86.06486461251171,75.38655462184875,6.969561157796452,22.465919701213817,7.3871296695380915,0.7371841269841268,432,11,95,5,9,151,71,119,0.237,0.667,0.095,-0.9656,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,1,3,0,10,1,0,0,1,18,25,8,2,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,7,3,4,0,0,1,0,13,4,14,23,0,20,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,8,55,16,8,0.14743065871522032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051580707811367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269984580804924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057980388380352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898450404409646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139045612058178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189412044436153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455572528177305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673057563124386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643126836802802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311018019903384,0.0,0.0810240343850675,0.0,0.16630820465825594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413463429312678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047149359069954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212765943284453,0.0,0.0,0.1637042992610977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476230927010642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126521167025662,0.0,0.1389516510689175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446761311562847,0.0,0.0,0.17193600540559215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009573966502967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695842230689038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nazahmed,2018/01/29,"Suicide seems inevitable In 2010 I had a breakdown and was at the time diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  After 4 years of intensive therapy I feel no nearer to being cured or even positive that I'll be able to control it.  I am 44 years old and I have gotten to the point where I just can't see an end to my suffering.  What's worse is I have a husband who loves me to bits, a 12 year old daughter and an incredibly supportive network of family.  But how do I make anyone understand that I just can't bear to be me any longer.  No matter what anyone says I feel like a flawed, useless lump of disgusting flesh that can't justify the air that she breaths or the space she takes up.  My daughter thinks I am superwoman and is so proud to show me off to her friends.  I am fooling her and everyone around me into believing I am something I am not.  Their love hurts me and burdens me with responsibility.  It is because of my daughter that I force myself up every morning and go through the motions of life.  But I don't know how long I can keep the charade up.  I am terrified that ultimately I will be selfish and ruin her life.  I just need to hang on for a couple more years.  ",5.533991596638657,5.5087718949579845,6.707226890756306,77.25394957983195,67.44537815126051,10.161344537815122,33.80672268907563,9.957137785484203,3.190257142857144,933,40,188,20,14,316,140,238,0.173,0.736,0.092,-0.9658,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,9,14,1,0,13,0,24,8,2,4,0,33,40,15,1,1,8,4,2,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,11,12,0,2,6,1,0,3,7,8,0,0,3,4,35,6,28,32,2,27,0,4,1,2,16,14,0,3,11,135,46,0,0.141169637907647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600019469035513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741818636519787,0.0,0.0,0.12567090743908385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605570097929498,0.0,0.0,0.15904983964640346,0.0,0.0,0.15412068197948944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833375281138454,0.0,0.15620151925538509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328421087872864,0.0,0.0,0.16179263540602395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503439781772496,0.0,0.0,0.0932412144354366,0.0,0.11894150853375005,0.13489363871268314,0.0,0.0,0.13308217084329854,0.0,0.14275922119825,0.1008516175282504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906731206102027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022995847849801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112501712003448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547806052537078,0.0,0.0,0.07758314108906493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942458027270948,0.06896835432783299,0.0,0.0,0.12493068719883198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254822219684601,0.0,0.09423182950355788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046754977545334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962675753898609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326388265418595,0.0,0.0,0.13345093788218118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226376219853453,0.0,0.0,0.11249392411776073,0.12851553639031912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867928418580207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441667111156918,0.16019763216170166,0.0,0.0,0.10614199892834188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143978400333242,0.0,0.0,0.09045580379107533,0.0,0.0,0.08231715112010449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469625716765386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386392148746616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636344735365517
suicidewatch,chubbyghost,2018/01/29,How do people enjoy living? How do people do this? How do you enjoy life and want to continue living? I'm finding it difficult to even imagine myself making it to an old age. My head is full of worries and doubts and I can only shake them for so long before they bring me down again. I feel like I wasn't made for life. Every year I get older the more I realize I will never be happy. I've been dying inside for years now and I feel that I'm getting too tired to fight anymore. Wouldn't it be great to never wake up? No more stress. No more negative thoughts. I want peace from it all. I tried reaching out over the years telling friends and family that I am depressed. You know what that got me? Nothing. I was ignored. So what is the point? No one has ever cared about me. Why am I here? I have no goals or ambitions. I'm not living a good life. Negative thoughts have already consumed me for 10 years. Is this what I have to look forward to? I'm alone and I'm so very tired. I want a permanent break from this. ,0.17300036456434498,2.456511668246449,2.0034360189573484,95.15333485235143,88.71563981042654,4.762741523878963,19.015858549033908,6.297961479604792,-0.03625935107546452,786,23,172,8,26,258,121,211,0.195,0.669,0.136,-0.951,0,1,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,2,2,1,13,15,1,3,6,0,21,7,2,5,4,32,42,13,1,4,2,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,8,0,0,3,11,7,0,1,7,3,25,8,19,31,5,24,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,2,16,118,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291810163186183,0.1376409016612912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369706688899475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061346899647257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716892639169247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742839649966007,0.0,0.12944839718192064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238193825859108,0.11282398740081445,0.10508906465601632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758284411153225,0.0,0.12613286321728834,0.08910600080444417,0.0,0.0,0.11399950681098772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636485992428916,0.0,0.13033089217551322,0.0,0.0,0.10461627234864858,0.09975670338615387,0.13751351201318252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277571143034927,0.0,0.0,0.12800733248899746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854747203590493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642980932640219,0.0609360006992016,0.0,0.33041241265997684,0.110380717601486,0.10474045048689762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802103705544854,0.08325718200004302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923964776309476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968027304135805,0.0,0.13088148439277514,0.0,0.08451919840255231,0.09486157604663664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294194901529275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790866294189575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287597188657733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901812769624718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804084999058488,0.0,0.2867139172967164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468240279166303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291400061002956,0.22070414291045973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125479894821264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666775450127082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32128402583523463
suicidewatch,insecurebutcool,2018/01/29,"A cry for help I already posted something similar on r/depression but nobody responded.. 

(english isn't my first language)
I'm 17, I have my whole life ahead of me, but I i'm going to kill myself before the end of the year.  I've been having daily thoughts of suicide for 3 years, but they were just contemplating. Now I'm planning to overdose. I feel like my life is only going to get worse:

I have to work 10x harder than everyone else to achieve the same goal(because I have ADHD and chronic insomnia). And I will never want to put it the amount effort needed just for me to be average. I have some friends, but there all going off to universities while I can't even get my baccalaureate(french high-school diploma) I don't know why I haven't dropped out yet.. What is the point of me struggling to wake up everyday ? So I can live my miserable fucking life, working at a grocery store for 15 fucking years, single, until I die of a heart attack at 32 because of all the damn sleep medicine i've been abusing? I don't want to live this life, i'd rather die. And that's what I'm going to do. Everything that used to entertain me is dreadfully boring now as well.. Sometimes I feel like ADHD caused my death-sentence, maybe I wouldn't be depressed and I would have been successful academically.. There are some other factors influencing my decision like my abusive father, constant criticisms from teachers and students and my sexual orientation, but I don't want to bore the reader with every detail of my life... 

 I really don't want to hear ""Hang in there"" ""You can do this"" or stuff like that, i've heard stuff like that since I was 10. I've been followed by a psychiatrist for 2 years and I've seen many therapists before, they definitely aren't helping. Maybe i'm childish for considering suicide at 17, ",5.476238509316771,6.345478554285716,6.123068322981367,78.26706211180128,67.74285714285715,9.058385093167702,31.7888198757764,9.20300075937882,2.7522049689441004,1434,58,268,26,23,468,188,350,0.213,0.685,0.102,-0.9932,1,0,1,0,0,3,50.0,0,1,2,8,12,20,5,3,11,0,33,12,3,3,3,39,60,17,5,8,9,1,2,5,1,3,7,2,0,0,12,9,0,0,5,1,1,7,10,11,1,1,9,5,38,9,42,46,8,33,0,2,1,2,10,9,3,3,20,171,50,6,0.0,0.21370356771340546,0.0,0.0,0.2167642236646454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951888098872852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259587034787587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099491057925046,0.0,0.15347771559019954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264250186779624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745548911135282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906149016717458,0.0,0.0,0.1553485000028344,0.0,0.1871908637307654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533609581467668,0.0,0.0798751278353469,0.0,0.0,0.059564840176306325,0.0,0.07598283644243294,0.08617345965914065,0.08105041936730985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119819219274312,0.12885311535172692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670938090636642,0.0,0.0,0.06967495061824244,0.16674495452689708,0.09423350465610453,0.0,0.20501168643325596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164248680173132,0.1068669648581324,0.12089516091428675,0.09528300169313612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997738249495126,0.0,0.04956206788303762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184936329683941,0.22029362378183195,0.0,0.15926599906387365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143112971226308,0.181201339866892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686934883759375,0.0695544780980957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858802712742917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525182597052565,0.0,0.08637012297096662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065854855045058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057773363717508464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912697336242658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460008310379297,0.0,0.09024785516928682,0.0,0.0,0.06942706862194639,0.08919302226012676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427856628002404,0.20647529113138355,0.1972905306094388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047090960474662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159501116034307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788892027176701,0.0,0.0,0.21276843406209087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810851014383539,0.0,0.08137588344455295,0.10068579328403117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130819761007262,0.0,0.09190390260812434,0.06406322128254892,0.0,0.0,0.23229887587744796
suicidewatch,masososochist,2018/01/29,"If it wasn't for my cat I'd be killing myself right now I'm all she's got, I don't want to leave her alone.",-2.801547619047618,-1.541311392857141,0.271428571428574,109.74023809523813,91.5,3.733333333333334,12.904761904761903,3.1291,-2.0044666666666666,83,1,27,0,3,29,25,28,0.285,0.672,0.043,-0.7561,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570614348636076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529538881663636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882413168611161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672808779908954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768741576557312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602945724630663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azusanga,2018/01/29,"I hate this I was so good for so long. I was maddeningly suicidal throughout high school. I thought about it, often, made a few attempts on my life. Things got better when I moved out, though sometimes the feeling came back for a day or two. I spent a while in college before pussying out, 2 years. I moved back home, became increasingly suicidal again. Moved again, just 3 months later, to another state.

I've been wrestling a lot, especially lately, with an abusive relationship in my past. He's in prison in my home state, so I'm not worried about encountering him again. But yesterday, I said ""he raped me"", aloud, for the first time *and I meant it*. And I'm replaying every moment of covering my hands with my mouth, wiping away the tears discreetly so he wouldn't see. The lying, the yelling, emotionally shutting down any time someone tries to get close to my actual feelings on the situation, any situation. I've thought so hard, so long, about doing it in a way that would emotionally damage someone else, but I can't do that. I can't bring an innocent person into this, hurt them, make someone stumble onto a life path that could drive them to this very sub.

I want to make my life better, but it's just a big, wonky, wobbly, crooked wheel. Falling over every time I try to pick it up.",4.061720647773279,5.9179954453441335,4.752815789473686,82.98396052631583,72.27935222672066,7.854979757085021,27.329757085020237,8.548686976883017,1.9480981376518225,1013,37,196,18,20,325,147,247,0.125,0.8140000000000001,0.061,-0.9391,0,0,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,2,4,19,7,2,0,15,0,10,6,2,4,0,31,29,15,2,4,7,0,4,0,0,2,3,2,2,1,12,9,0,0,5,0,1,8,4,4,0,2,11,7,24,3,30,15,3,51,0,2,1,1,9,19,0,3,21,119,36,2,0.0,0.1222343950011696,0.10067476747467123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403123244174587,0.10817815223149438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692750001343776,0.1586559940709731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778634775292429,0.0,0.0,0.18248322201591705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799399053761335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823693563223709,0.0,0.0,0.06653329297986378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618164116012084,0.23209488319766475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384297590144535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432727882980557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775262730829728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389978068090195,0.0,0.0,0.08653043098411463,0.08251097409388712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241613555895817,0.10185469552891263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109000146235044,0.20696706552245772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044093451130604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637531776337125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860679419162046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825966621055164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770772452313354,0.0,0.0976178081318537,0.13772771059892688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234581704086999,0.3289461956525395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984832618066262,0.0,0.0900802438355228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107612718169943,0.0,0.0,0.09813413337819217,0.0,0.0,0.10440911951869307,0.08220964565080212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319249683163516,0.0,0.0,0.26223569599578084,0.0,0.1020334403486755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22569289700250256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853865665465593,0.0,0.10135970205220476,0.1638039639286294,0.18047011545663275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008537383004266,0.0,0.10077782436765614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512244440719006,0.06084975812805413,0.08188807058697213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476969923242137,0.0,0.07328589952040566,0.0,0.0,0.0664352796168841
suicidewatch,funnybirdshmem,2018/01/29,"hi im emma im a senior and last night my school just held our Sadie Hawkins dance and i went with one of my friends and in retrospect, it was fun. but for some reason i can’t help but hate myself every time i think about the night. like ill start thinking about something i said or the way i danced and ill want to kill myself. i guess this story was supposed to be an example of my general thought process every single day, but if you didn’t catch what i was trying to express, i guess i mean that i hate myself and ive been depressed for a really long time now and it’s because of a combination of things that i can’t explain with words. i feel like the only way i can help people understand is through memories, but i can’t remember anything anymore because of my depression and that makes me hate myself even more. i ’ve lost almost every aspect of my personality. i used to be funny but now im just annoying and can’t understand humor anymore because im just terribly slow. i have severe social anxiety which is disgusting and i hate it and i want to die. a couple weeks back i surprised myself with thoughts of suicide but now they are coming almost everyday now. like for example today, i cried in church because a little girl in front of me was singing extra loud to the songs and it was just such a innocent and beautiful sound that i couldn’t help but burst into tears. then on the ride back i was watching the sunset and was just appreciating the beauty of it all and while anyone else would probably be thinking about how much they love life and living, i just kept sitting there thinking “this would be the ideal day to die”. i started writing a suicide note and this is the furthest I’ve gone so far and while i know there will be days i don’t feel like this, i don’t know if i can’t be strong enough anymore to push through the days where i do. idk this is my first time posting on here and I’ve started searching for methods of ways to go and i still cant see a future for me but tbh i don’t think i have seen one since last year. ",3.544979262672811,4.736797173809523,4.584347158218126,86.32624423963135,72.5,7.419354838709677,26.88172043010753,7.831003766801068,1.471123655913979,1623,56,336,21,31,530,201,420,0.198,0.654,0.14800000000000002,-0.9863,0,0,2,0,0,4,20.0,1,1,2,4,25,22,7,0,19,0,38,4,0,4,1,78,77,35,5,8,17,0,2,4,1,3,3,4,0,2,17,24,0,2,17,4,0,10,11,11,0,3,18,9,52,11,38,49,7,57,1,3,3,1,17,9,0,8,37,227,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511674470389121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774306797755674,0.0,0.22457181294853812,0.05277835318145964,0.07733961907310588,0.06211476461812621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160810820178164,0.0,0.18405105479639775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502054655041542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351873859777892,0.08291277870590193,0.19471704638794946,0.0,0.13002404649164978,0.0,0.15667556215925507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305502804679915,0.0,0.0,0.07799246848446997,0.0,0.049854755908234925,0.0,0.19078901678441826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633133233605274,0.10784786116879898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420444426005452,0.0,0.0,0.058316746015085213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428978217485892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630255420491216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298089040627166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178078342933368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261314789085133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835089907765344,0.0,0.08296521200434903,0.1230548383641306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053314748374939366,0.14750560645207547,0.07565219716462261,0.06665146321477942,0.06679866787941256,0.0,0.0,0.08239686971186827,0.0,0.0681249147133704,0.0,0.050384423745781184,0.0,0.0,0.08222137782719395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055487517440619034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416683700808561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229630656886148,0.05740700958055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052329302009064466,0.06590745111198612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229032069483499,0.0,0.0813817207440026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835532064903912,0.07760745541995576,0.0,0.0,0.08550571728057015,0.0,0.07180010091724227,0.0,0.0,0.07639121129476953,0.06014890691855885,0.0,0.0,0.08527250235934254,0.0,0.0624389979535788,0.0,0.0,0.07694378647255633,0.0,0.05810927300948649,0.0,0.0,0.16027838019683913,0.0,0.060279547279758074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651288111816714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050146491288321694,0.24182718156303554,0.0,0.11984760792042128,0.1320414422206752,0.0,0.07154754582646773,0.0,0.0,0.05124691904734261,0.0,0.0,0.1571576085305844,0.0,0.0651916986029209,0.0,0.0,0.08904177627057892,0.17974087699141322,0.060546629865152725,0.0,0.0,0.06997201835303847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723964843297502,0.0,0.0,0.04860754985805491
suicidewatch,_roll_the_credits_,2018/01/29,"Thank you. i used to be so, so sad and suicidal... like it was hopeless, i would never be happy again. but i posted to this sub (deleted that post now) and kind people came to help me.

sage, you are amazing. and though we only talked through messages, you helped me so much. to her little someone, cherish her. she’s different from everyone else. she’s not the average girl who comes into your life.

auburn, thank you for your love and support. we were going through the same thing, i could relate to you. and just like you made me happy again, i made you happy again. thank you so much, auburn.

i know it’s hard to live. my parents recently divorced and my father abuses me, my brother killed himself, and my boyfriend, my only love, left me for another woman. life was so hard. i was standing on the edge of the bridge when i checked one last time for people who cared. and there were people who cared.

dying is easy, living is harder, but you know what? sometimes that hard work pays off.",1.9822787334829213,4.496332832460734,2.5372475691847427,93.07139616055849,81.93193717277488,4.894639740713039,21.137122911992023,6.18269132825596,0.21310600847668887,765,23,152,6,21,236,111,191,0.127,0.642,0.232,0.9824,2,0,0,0,2,1,39.0,2,11,0,1,13,19,1,0,4,0,12,4,0,3,1,26,28,17,3,2,4,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,13,0,0,2,0,2,3,2,3,0,1,8,3,36,16,16,16,3,20,0,2,0,2,33,5,0,0,11,107,46,2,0.0,0.12953976027213476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464344308830746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504592711117615,0.22294117599212665,0.0,0.0,0.09417926881703707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872921788639595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346867004736527,0.11422798063246767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133230573632216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447078095613198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062135520238869923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34915573429823804,0.2938182181570907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656498560567055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209589292652978,0.11385176657104625,0.1201712907436355,0.08911963461078026,0.0,0.0,0.11878882114403165,0.0,0.1544479179430713,0.106827540670537,0.10957872536248253,0.19308315307028015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735160641731772,0.20690391544164924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074222990353207,0.0,0.08432306970900952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408574571015572,0.16630282192651494,0.0,0.0,0.12139951492043995,0.0,0.0,0.22738975581041684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941840408276866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795150872316378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263608984951907,0.0,0.1081314911599318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959074110256787,0.12406790934673308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787638994215763,0.0,0.30197282708086753,0.0,0.0,0.0726348844147617,0.0,0.10741748674726104,0.0,0.06375198375305355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442717468705317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795945178743401,0.0,0.0,0.07766584728553913,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm-me-life-advice-,2018/01/29,Help me I don’t really want to die I was so ready to kill myself but now I can’t. But I  don’t know what else I can do,-4.03274193548387,-2.737655,0.37443548387096826,106.18165322580644,99.0,4.390322580645162,7.75,5.985473137389443,-2.01403870967742,89,0,29,1,4,34,21,31,0.194,0.629,0.17600000000000002,-0.3655,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887778556085834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934232112437069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156718032463885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210429102440632,0.0,0.2588250385365014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017064002627117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777819837714999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blokusama,2018/01/29,"Anyone feel kinda relieved after cutting themselves? It just feels so nice. The blade sliding across my arm, a small wound opening up. After a few seconds you feel some blood dripping down your arm on the carpet. It just gives me a feeling of being alive, most other stuff just make me want to die. After a day you slide your fingers across the scars, and you feel all the bumps across your arm from all the previous times you've cut yourself. I like the feeling alot, it makes me feel alive...",3.9363829787234046,6.013704500000002,3.4286702127659576,91.40875,73.14893617021276,5.125531914893617,24.51595744680851,5.148860815047168,0.3769404255319149,389,12,74,1,8,115,63,94,0.07200000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.152,0.7259,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,6,0,0,4,5,2,0,11,0,1,6,5,2,2,21,12,2,1,1,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,8,11,3,12,11,6,15,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585505748509985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462365618530849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353332280001829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8025699102044576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752159761575984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077978606263764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027180223287512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595772880994513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322211683785367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337444611516756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bmc5558,2018/01/29,No self worth and I’m scared Hi I am not really sure what to say but I suffer from the demons of anxiety and jealously . Just need someone to say anything to me so I don’t feel alone... ,-2.091750000000001,-0.697792674999997,0.8150000000000013,98.12500000000004,113.25,5.0,15.0,6.6274283507984215,-0.07025000000000015,143,4,34,3,8,49,33,40,0.35100000000000003,0.617,0.032,-0.9259,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,5,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,4,1,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33122344734890835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465136449278965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317378780219136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170395221142586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713272662226845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487645689127365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086464856071725,0.32018244707292903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336282912768201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709713057413517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30141417086450895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glowreverie,2018/01/29,I don’t see a future for myself First time posting. I just feel so empty and hopeless and unmotivated. I’ve been passively suicidal for so long and I guess the only thing stopping me is the fear of failing again. I can’t handle that embarrassment but not existing seems easier than existing is. I guess a part of me does want a happy future but I don’t see it happening as long as I continue being me. I don’t even know if that makes sense. I’m so lost and I don’t know where else to vent. I was recently discharged from my mental health team and I can’t afford private therapy. Everything is so pointless and I’d truly give anything to be gone. ,2.410454545454545,4.4052267121212125,4.612121212121213,81.58818181818184,77.33333333333334,8.036363636363637,25.393939393939394,8.841846274778883,2.088139393939395,514,19,101,12,12,178,83,132,0.18600000000000005,0.7340000000000001,0.08,-0.8294,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,8,6,0,2,5,0,13,1,0,1,0,20,28,15,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,3,16,1,10,22,1,13,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,4,10,68,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371370170001505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282849411767785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588917058794354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534796216280463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569550204245951,0.0,0.0,0.19651836409441045,0.08830314654776132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485485521346095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753044049049934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847709286815987,0.0,0.15443342694081902,0.18590734889161525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856339752019598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919549692053749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091015119705969,0.0,0.0,0.19064000689025976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165734441568715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599587522558358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282146203194456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911791984715115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725668442932828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243576568412722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783306712862661,0.15898554430720888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600671965195647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102763133803796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971586824067025,0.0,0.116022944538523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183389062705124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300709784912557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrHydra13,2018/01/29,"i wanna die because of a girl hello, i'm need help, i've never asked anything on the web because i'm too paranoid. (forgive my english, i'm from swiss). i wanna die because i love a girl so much and she dont loves me. I told her about that bu nothing change. I dont know how to do to move on because i'm thinking about her every second of my f****** existance.  I'm dreamming about her almost everynight and i think i'm crazy (dependent personality disorder) i'm often acting like TV Show's character. when i talk to her i feel something that we (I et her) ""break out"", it's when my anger takes controll of my brain and i say things that i don't want to say at all. I think it's happening at the moment. I can't trust my parents to talk about it and I'm not social then i don't have any other friends but her. She is my Bestfriend (yes i'm friendzoned, laugh or not, I dont care anymore) i'm a bit obsessed about her (I scarified her name in my skin). I'm ugly and Evil. Then if someone could help me with that, it would be nice. I know it will be hard, I even tried to talk with gods but I don't have any answer. I don't know if I could stand that long. If it can help I can make you a list with all thing about DPD. Thanks you ",-1.2530798709156947,0.7816224253731363,1.2363574021782997,99.09952601855585,95.26865671641792,3.9420734167002816,17.691004437273094,5.6139094711885065,-0.5731834610730133,942,28,227,7,37,318,135,268,0.114,0.768,0.118,0.6119,1,0,1,0,0,2,41.0,1,2,0,1,13,13,2,1,6,1,20,4,2,4,3,44,49,17,2,10,8,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,3,14,10,0,1,9,3,0,2,11,3,0,1,1,5,44,10,27,42,4,17,0,0,0,2,34,6,0,7,8,138,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315185872550107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368595910396032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206433020790804,0.0,0.0,0.09298828826590932,0.0,0.10563851520928716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755317941598987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336529579014475,0.0,0.0,0.12614390150067606,0.0,0.0,0.11520968861883082,0.0,0.11953762386872425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673763182373912,0.1804405076993265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23454958620316035,0.0,0.12950628083898194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973008458651336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463456462118917,0.0,0.09520626429582524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713552952042016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730250243270019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992436248174118,0.0,0.10122462505719024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272219065712077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863033635561272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520544888936401,0.0,0.0,0.10000027888275903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397144693063074,0.0,0.07542749856959474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009971749891693,0.08306703404012036,0.08378709188548207,0.08715155072925641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842528424311884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547166534148846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986660917183006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797221768325653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151879273916257,0.09574341768795586,0.08699190704091828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496094700187429,0.2724721840313738,0.0,0.10403400575514277,0.0,0.0,0.1501426083189764,0.21721498076630044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797508437066032,0.0,0.0767186885503128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664955112090203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027102254453553,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Victara,2018/01/29,"I feel like I'm spiraling out of control I feel like I am losing control of myself, I keep going from ""alright"" to ""this is the end"" I keep breaking inside and the thoughts in my head keep going down darker and darker rabbit holes and I don't feel safe to myself anymore. I'm scared. I feel hopeless. My self harming urges are getting more intense but my live in boyfriend ultimatumed me.. Everything is getting so much harder to do... and now on top  of all of this, I might be pregnant with his baby.. and he said his only options, because I would keep it, are either to stay and grow to hate me or leave and keep loving me. This only made me spiral harder.. I am genuinely scared of myself",2.740158150851581,4.65490860583942,4.107755474452554,85.94635340632604,76.08029197080292,5.734549878345499,25.2852798053528,6.42735559955562,0.962990754257908,537,19,102,4,12,177,80,137,0.139,0.775,0.086,-0.7654,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,2,11,1,2,2,1,11,2,1,3,1,30,31,10,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,8,5,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,3,5,22,5,17,25,4,13,0,2,0,1,6,6,0,3,4,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212010674665392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121069833051575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988388796739343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799486433276568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973105391547635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26944353284438105,0.1903471866251341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392056563642532,0.0,0.15142589929363878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152882595965126,0.13672387598307262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5920677424309075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410625212071019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017076507266756,0.0,0.1176371823222794,0.0,0.0,0.1490409807875435,0.0,0.0,0.1202377656286688,0.12605757279685306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132714740747102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979332619411326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202642178487298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672432314264298,0.0,0.26675628058023804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389792646207641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199658293589792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057631312488382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463685766533682,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RokkitSquid,2018/01/29,"The only way I cope So recently I’ve been posting to r/depression and I’ve seeked some help from the two people left in my life I’d consider friends, as everyone else I’ve ever drifted away from or just pushed away for no reason. If you’re interested in my life or whatever see those posts. So basically my two friends have decided they want to help me get better from whatever this is I’m going through, if it even is depression. But over the weekend I’ve been bored out of my mind. I’m just so disappointed and demotivated with myself. I just don’t want to try and although I’ve told them otherwise I don’t really want their help, I just think they should spend their time otherwise and not waste their sympathy on me. But part of me thinks it’ll get better but it’s been getting worse over time and It’s getting to the point where I just don’t care about the things I used to. Gaming doesn’t entertain me, I don’t care about anyone else’s accomplishments or achievements because why should I? Why should I care about anything when I don’t care about myself? 

Oh right the point of this post. The only way I cope is by learning music, specifically my drum lessons I’ve just started and just listening to Nirvana. 

Why do I still hang on when I’m struggling to find reasons to besides a passion that is so difficult to go far in? What is the point in pursuing it or even living long enough *to* pursue it?",3.9983072522295116,5.336085727915194,4.884795557799091,84.04359246171968,71.57950530035336,8.500016826518594,27.9638229850244,8.976282227363876,2.103908093555443,1123,41,230,22,21,365,142,283,0.075,0.768,0.157,0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,6,5,23,16,0,1,9,0,20,3,0,3,1,43,43,23,0,8,17,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,8,4,1,5,8,5,0,2,4,2,29,11,36,35,3,38,0,2,1,1,14,18,0,7,10,146,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736406487415783,0.09871302915933976,0.07928066681035416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810316128185327,0.0,0.0,0.05872875169500896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041207082243906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929054338797967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595721114960665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096155881872276,0.0,0.0,0.09954629862398152,0.0,0.12726501714598445,0.08714620579800222,0.0,0.09205822418551313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805418697114208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488660719785399,0.0,0.20133737537594815,0.0,0.10950594222963217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372659291642874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467508548827613,0.0,0.1360973941695651,0.0,0.0,0.08507111763265844,0.0852590034604718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972772316623879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654377351714407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432822071876036,0.0,0.06679091488963594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27322095707178184,0.0,0.27680495276070266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061718692624097675,0.1981097683610456,0.09512539391635587,0.0,0.0,0.08227492898190919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677152892286247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681908557243986,0.0,0.07693827277212109,0.0,0.0,0.10071682655919212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400486731261949,0.12346320766120228,0.0,0.0,0.1123547533367092,0.0,0.0,0.09205822418551313,0.0,0.06540940691038112,0.0,0.1882228684232062,0.0,0.0,0.08320793562551727,0.0,0.0,0.17047375386776814,0.1529424516974255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607990679867597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817999768476098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akb263o,2018/01/29,"I don’t know what to do I’m really scared to go talk to my school counselor tomorrow. I am struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression, and social anxiety, and I am 17 years old.

I have tried to talk to my mom about getting a therapist. She called me stupid for it and she tells me that all of these thoughts just all in my head and I’m the reason behind it. I’m not really sure what to think of this.

I always beat myself up over a lot of simple mistakes. Just yesterday I didn’t do a very good job of closing after work and it seems that everyone else who had the morning shift the next day was upset because everything was not properly cleaned. This may seem like a very minor issue but my thoughts keep putting myself down for it. I feel really bad about myself.

I have always beaten up myself for mistakes I make. It’s not mentally healthy and I should not be doing this. I thought my mom would be supportive in me getting therapy, but sadly this was not the case. 

I have had thoughts of killing myself before, but I really do not want to go through with it. Suicide sounds really painful and I don’t want to do this to myself. Sometimes I feel really horrible about myself and thoughts of suicide appear. I called the suicide hotline a few hours ago. While I do appreciate what the hotline lady told me, it wasn’t what I was hoping for. I don’t really know how to explain it though.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so upset and depressed right now. It is consuming me.",2.843585397653193,4.81193205084746,4.115000000000002,85.7688233376793,75.94915254237287,7.521512385919165,26.26140808344198,8.384062270229773,1.839059973924381,1165,44,231,22,26,382,139,295,0.253,0.705,0.043,-0.997,1,0,0,0,0,4,27.0,0,0,0,3,9,19,3,4,11,0,30,2,1,3,3,56,61,16,5,7,11,2,3,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,23,12,0,1,17,0,0,4,12,14,0,0,15,4,40,5,35,41,4,23,0,3,0,0,13,8,0,6,12,168,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713438970227449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480848271034044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656696380924669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265468384496716,0.05304411565232134,0.0,0.07404416468092476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770602845324684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611808929596508,0.0,0.14989342098181474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269066083592457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831474695018705,0.07820432531215392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199363703104194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092448516562156,0.0,0.09890633968197683,0.07298485067099457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930346911392807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642647261662004,0.08569318302081114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082204466349206,0.08634990389508568,0.07734377477139079,0.0962702565254915,0.0,0.14346507186974886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042511597972992574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397784922842686,0.0,0.0,0.058083822517687435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769161153625646,0.0,0.0,0.20382405863502187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254245032248172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130860218542468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259110620386116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747506402202172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902125215473724,0.08946688939832309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431114611233608,0.0,0.0,0.08711814630932853,0.08806478726727685,0.0,0.15843210613201256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887018031576677,0.0,0.0,0.08606099984250652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096796444584744,0.0,0.38072530548832667,0.09874466921904274,0.0820115033698216,0.0,0.0,0.13988024949709454,0.07605577594874798,0.0,0.09951032268761492,0.101032225056449,0.0,0.05575630740457186,0.08549272936933305,0.4144856685912987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831474695018705,0.0,0.059078118379261677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359454409626893,0.1026485239893806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633486481761035,0.0,0.0,0.061813634486210425,0.0,0.0,0.05603541906562557
suicidewatch,AStateofAntivity,2018/01/29,"Finally seeking help, it's about time... I've seen a doctor about my depression in the past, but I've always lied when they ask if I've had suicidal thoughts. I've set up an appointment for myself on Feb. 2nd and this time, I'm gonna let it all out. It's been 11 years too long, trying to deal with this.

I went to the ER after nearly collapsing during a one hour long anxiety attack. I was unable to speak, but could think clearly. Every time I tried to talk, the words wouldn't make sense. I had no use of my hands or feet, and could barely walk.

I was eod'd before, and it terrifies me to tell the doctor that I have suicidal thoughts and past attempts. I don't want to go back to the mental health center.

I don't think I would actually commit suicide, but the want is there, and it is strong at times. Nothing feels good anymore. I'm not happy, or mad, or even sad anymore. Everything is bland and pale in this world.

I feel like I don't belong here, even on days to where I feel ok. I'm just not meant for this world. I've grown to accept that nothing gets better, and I'm ok with that.

I just want to feel alive again, because the old me died at 15. I've been a walking corpse for 11 years, and nobody wants to try to understand me. They all say the typical things, like ""It's a phase."", ""Get over it."", ""Be a man."", or my favorite, ""Just stop.""

I just hope that something good comes out of this appointment. I'm always fighting myself. I can't take this anymore.",2.210891089108909,3.705563924092413,3.4292092409240955,92.06389306930694,76.42574257425744,6.564171617161716,21.69095709570957,7.24861992348623,0.4926191155115514,1131,29,253,13,25,367,162,303,0.218,0.659,0.123,-0.9882,0,0,1,0,2,2,58.0,0,0,2,3,15,16,3,0,14,2,20,5,2,2,4,55,51,17,4,10,14,0,5,2,0,3,3,2,0,1,18,13,0,1,11,0,0,6,8,5,1,1,11,8,25,11,33,33,2,41,0,2,1,0,11,15,0,6,21,145,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.09695752588294664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534498830065986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600738331238928,0.0,0.29560458884124513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928848331915143,0.11303226233055365,0.0,0.07639894800596977,0.0,0.06056674662834261,0.0,0.08454498875862748,0.0,0.0,0.08787267239660222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558675141333541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865602072728333,0.0,0.0,0.06407666625895908,0.10243209815824014,0.08557553216050053,0.0,0.10311626941394164,0.0,0.0,0.2033909957690117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124794628978262,0.0,0.0837120624081576,0.0,0.08929513666450244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009503491524464,0.07098024066251818,0.0,0.1088400929615846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381924908380856,0.0,0.0564665386705615,0.16667088908679345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576674821425956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561121995583096,0.0,0.0,0.06659650869291091,0.0,0.0,0.09868333564579164,0.09784605210154963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015986629836081,0.0,0.09708104853977427,0.0,0.0,0.17585459630378045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632117659747319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001278945276385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067031415033034,0.0,0.10425784096017313,0.0,0.06732647620873895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969387553947575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790122067828963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648942015607811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830664094081703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32603936594474103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470365684738814,0.0798589204986502,0.08684188349378623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600798534993485,0.1273271540858237,0.0,0.1577557859901202,0.2317420916137985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023694456860673,0.0,0.0,0.10343352899680808,0.0,0.0858120394022684,0.0,0.0,0.2344119443893901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210438943369023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057994448700827,0.0,0.0,0.12796454373963032
suicidewatch,STFUImBigBoned,2018/01/29,"I don't know if I'm suicidal. I just need some help. So I don't have a lack of friends or anything but I just feel like all of them are fake and don't last long. Every person I talk to is around for about half the time as the last person, ie two years, one year, 5-ish months. I just don't know what to do and I feel like I have trust issues now. I do want to die but I don't really know if I'd ever take my own life. I guess my life isn't bad and I have a lot of the things I want physically but in terms of emotion, I really don't have a lot left. My stomach hurts right now bc I think the ""5 month"" thing just happened and idk what to do. I just want to get drunk or take painkillers like I usually do.",-0.2950724637681148,1.1273356832298165,1.8618385093167724,100.83134989648035,83.47204968944101,5.535569358178054,16.323395445134576,6.42735559955562,-0.7400761076604554,539,9,147,5,15,181,84,161,0.129,0.701,0.17,0.4094,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,0,7,0,17,4,1,0,2,34,33,13,2,7,12,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,6,1,0,0,7,3,0,3,0,2,21,5,14,33,7,17,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,8,16,92,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458031472595374,0.12395058787125846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625720841963486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450618409680396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662305847802752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259479781040861,0.1173133082706425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080497827345922,0.19894210259368653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757428049968107,0.0,0.07274566664486212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338542388171772,0.0,0.12312695625934725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933277299506439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905625411483725,0.0,0.0,0.1453274147895475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956329693608096,0.22699372999312495,0.0,0.0,0.15128157622466412,0.0,0.19669464050590385,0.20407272226291345,0.0,0.0,0.12322050056781556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367488998930191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227553731685035,0.0,0.0,0.10324258610673397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435069966072412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315302610011216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839777362770448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890776952410115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230284837944275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093780244465206,0.11191355091624093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850059575864985,0.08921754672381739,0.0,0.0,0.08119030475028577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601446840843245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335005486899198,0.0,0.24637704444903366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793283254000499
suicidewatch,_Tono,2018/01/29,I cant keep pretending I've convinced myself that everything is fine but I fucking hate my life I'll never accomplish anything. Im too late to change my studying habits and get good grades. I only now opened up to someone about this and then caught my mom snooping on my phone (Don't know how she got my pass) and now she knows how I really feel and she's acting all weird about it. I want to be liked by someone because they want to spend time with me not because im sad.,1.9109090909090904,3.781606151515152,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,78.3939393939394,6.016161616161617,23.12121212121212,6.937597516519254,0.609654545454545,375,12,82,4,9,120,72,99,0.112,0.726,0.163,0.518,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,18,15,8,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,1,1,3,4,4,0,0,2,1,16,4,10,12,1,12,0,1,0,1,6,3,1,0,7,47,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788750081304954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24873209937879825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582151149036646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335611571783528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315644515773101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860918559250692,0.1065897593072217,0.0,0.0,0.1711186519654053,0.16316995649646607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142322183110364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407438333464766,0.0,0.0,0.1813384881262232,0.0,0.0,0.22424333704663665,0.0,0.23013854514800244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410229059345314,0.09967174380922272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894066940664324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734945031008507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516309893280128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306976527189765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457236048687178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896316908691297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406674383767979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joker_in_holdem,2018/01/29,"I may have lost my mind I don't believe I'm real, and I'm becoming more convinced that I'm somebodies experiment. I pulled something out of my hand today I'm worried it's a tracking device, don't know if there's any more. I don't know who's in on it. And I don't know how to get out. Thinking suicide is.my best option. Not sure why I'm posting. I assume anyone would tell me to get treatment - I'm in therapy, tried just about every drug. Nothing works.",0.8032989690721664,2.8498543298969103,3.1558865979381467,89.7132113402062,83.02061855670105,5.5294845360824745,24.13298969072165,6.742157984588678,0.8546750515463909,358,14,76,4,10,123,63,97,0.12,0.7659999999999999,0.114,0.1106,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,1,1,19,20,4,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,9,3,9,17,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,1,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309078599574695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684629327027173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161483892297129,0.0,0.22050026293502967,0.20538753796290815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269636401649535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648956953611995,0.0,0.0,0.191443767554252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450275357072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32267438396976394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136426303104832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761320219406847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779082208762565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874378761382526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276296011312208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066856270862053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407702552451427,0.0,0.18445612568553987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106080477822164,0.0,0.2238135851004246,0.0,0.0,0.12540426676489635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855119731620665,0.0,0.0,0.13287551601011455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659952582038438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424805756491013,0.19875490876902568,0.0,0.1390281004904014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaways69420,2018/01/29,"He cheated. I want to die. I'm 16 and was in an LDR relationship and found out he cheated through some friends of him with screenshots. I broke up with him and had a big argument etc. One of his friends said I was ""fat and ugly"" and after he broke up he said ""my friend kinda convinced me I needed better."" He also said ""thank god you broke up with me."" We had met irl several times so this wasn't a completely online relationship.",2.089568965517241,4.05174765517242,3.5707902298850582,88.83135775862068,78.19540229885058,6.648850574712642,24.66810344827586,7.6454224807358475,1.1757137931034485,334,12,71,5,8,110,57,87,0.232,0.601,0.166,-0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,1,0,1,2,11,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,15,14,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,10,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,10,3,12,6,13,4,2,8,0,3,0,0,19,6,0,2,2,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511524808916644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716537009852606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981750306581012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616416423483435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079785883110885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724142602519616,0.43808960064810737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014968109256382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280791286518178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058553721559408,0.0,0.0,0.5393798469000965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135292693640449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401645529472734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021416401558387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148391863658252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cinnamontheo,2018/01/29,"Moving alone My story is fucking me up as we speak. At this moment I'm sitting in the Airport ready to return home to the UK.

I had a plan 6 months ago to more to Canada and work and live and start as new. I was so mesmerised by the concept of happiness and escape that I put all my focus into it and forgot about my mental health.

I left last Friday and said goodbye to my family, there were lots of tears and emotions were high, but still I was excited and ready. Fast forward to the airport and I meet a friend to take me to my new rented accommodation. I put down my bags, unpack, and head over to theirs for dinner.

I'm walking home still happy and optimistic, and get into my room ready to sleep off the jetlag. It is at this moment, that as I rest my head, a tsunami if emotion, rational thought, and all previous battles with depression flood back in.

I sleep for around 20 minutes and end up waking with the heaviest stomach. Move on to Saturday night and I still haven't eaten/slept. I decide to go walking out to clear my head.

I've always loved open water and the calmness it brings to me, I decide to head to the lake and find some peace of mind. I sit down with my legs hanging over the edge of the waterfront and begin uncontrollably crying. I cannot control my thoughts, my eyes are blurry, and I just want all the pain from the past, and present to disappear.

I begin staring at the water and consider the easiness and quiet way out I could secure. I begin to take my jacket off and feel the -5 wind on my skin. I keep crying and begin pinching my top.

Within all of this I begin thinking of family and friends and come to some clarity; this is not it for me. I rush back to my room and open my laptop, I go straight onto the airplane website and begin searching for tickets. Please, please let me fly tomorrow, another day is too much pain.

I secure a flight and pack my stuff, I arrive at the airport 8 hours early, I feel secure and as if I'm on my way home to help and security.

I contact the people who were renting the room to me and I explain my situation, she is lovely enough to dismiss my rent and simply wish me my best.

My situation is a fortunate one, I am able to go home. I have the family and friends available. I had a plan, I had the idea to travel and begin my adventure.

I am right now not strong enough for that. It pains me to admit it, but if I have learnt anything it is that I need to not hide my reality.

Thank you for reading my story. ",4.242673160173158,4.778029710317465,5.537792207792208,82.56175324675327,70.34920634920636,8.172582972582973,27.772727272727273,8.199878495009871,1.7482428571428574,1930,63,393,26,33,648,239,504,0.076,0.7190000000000001,0.205,0.9971,3,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,1,1,7,12,24,2,1,27,0,24,21,11,1,5,83,60,45,0,7,9,0,3,0,3,0,4,3,10,0,17,47,3,7,11,3,3,16,5,7,0,1,12,8,72,17,73,46,13,86,0,1,2,3,17,35,1,6,33,280,89,3,0.0785056352443308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959050888511842,0.0,0.0,0.0813081620523156,0.0,0.0,0.0653229774786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232000358611485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460344869245205,0.0698866595286659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073197527844945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238682077612812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762565339898523,0.0,0.0,0.08805074539617606,0.06268036168091866,0.0,0.1724695079505222,0.05062964012343213,0.0,0.06761678860050792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661654616049394,0.06953269111942059,0.16223461417299778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202437825722665,0.0,0.0793896160198868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175272836381867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819597771443652,0.07257719476043084,0.041015954214559794,0.0,0.13384968501728206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714141704789154,0.0,0.0,0.3222777225479989,0.08344781917571656,0.0,0.0,0.05262067247650647,0.08294551389410354,0.3149902124332307,0.0,0.07731223695969673,0.0,0.0,0.08862330645208506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977941572121307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399257073168725,0.0,0.0,0.08529660239735401,0.08027733095684783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932191421065638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674268369664671,0.14170880174529632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911521560381596,0.0,0.07926831215582172,0.0,0.0626624490645761,0.16687813233494606,0.05771067487874685,0.058210933792379065,0.0,0.15164246343710364,0.0,0.07367222055922514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319745018336793,0.0,0.25060659287640963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494251193850111,0.054425922697095584,0.0,0.0,0.17235122539693384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578396936450073,0.0,0.0,0.07852687998415891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704338355115509,0.07467683672693713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648724654360734,0.15712466215044454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556669269222442,0.0,0.18808410514795726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898701700460858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805293511376475,0.0,0.0,0.07227744136824392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050303241145950715,0.0,0.12464941043889308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046304657677978915,0.12462823824082712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902776061597398,0.0,0.0,0.05715303745547594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,please-do-not,2018/01/30,"rejection and feeling alone i've been rejected by my crush, every one of my friends, and most of my family. i'm a 19 year old high schooler and i board at my school, i'm not allowed to go home for february vacation and tbh i've been cutting more than normal. i just want to get smashed and kill myself already. i can't take this anymore.",0.843,3.161226371428576,2.8253571428571433,90.39089285714287,85.28571428571428,6.357142857142858,25.892857142857146,7.6454224807358475,1.5775714285714284,266,12,56,5,8,89,52,70,0.223,0.698,0.079,-0.8934,1,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,10,5,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,1,8,1,8,8,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27161348293067905,0.2894010726911601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26008303792224263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209582157083095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722739247736825,0.0,0.13260224786422029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261487316066928,0.0,0.13701559472926958,0.0,0.14904358192775444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770831286009973,0.2630596564002263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901424501563608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569508075078853,0.0,0.0,0.2751888539054281,0.0,0.17770841650606897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26541253833119915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971805048047198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468274070364962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688813800858006
suicidewatch,fmlrn1,2018/01/30,"It's time I have attempted suicide more times than I can count. I've woken up in ICU so many times.

I feel like this is really it right now though. I know how to do it now I think.

Even when there are people around me, I am so lonely. The pain is just too much.

I'm going to do it on Friday. I am not worth saving and I would rather donate my organs to those who are.

I did try. I really did. The first time I attempted suicide I was 15. I'm now 29. It's time to say goodbye.

I asked my mom not so long ago about how she would feel if I passed away (I didn't hint at suicide). Her main concern was that she wouldn't want to pay for a funeral. They can chuck me in a random hole for all I care. 

Nobody will speak to me and nobody cares. It's OK because maybe I can make a lot of other people's lives better?

23/01/1989 - 02/02/2018",-0.6634249084249113,1.3001438296703327,1.5350549450549489,99.49327838827844,88.72527472527472,4.5655677655677644,14.710622710622713,5.916634753146586,-0.9312630036630036,635,11,157,5,21,212,111,182,0.119,0.792,0.08900000000000001,-0.7479,0,2,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,1,4,17,8,0,0,5,1,21,1,0,3,1,23,34,10,4,6,5,1,2,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,11,3,0,0,4,0,3,2,4,2,0,1,6,4,26,6,18,24,5,22,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,3,13,107,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273986053916924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794076522897835,0.1343582687058056,0.0,0.13502913780384393,0.0,0.0,0.08761003210662742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710815882520754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930630796976633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949253297270214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533772673242218,0.10267319130642118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224767587958728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816790655148549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898444152330314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021405517870909,0.0,0.12690689197429822,0.12718717519047473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218512207014402,0.0,0.0,0.09593383720457127,0.14570894691501274,0.14438548716768684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832246236473838,0.0,0.0,0.10565031946961333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292760917116788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927391708580508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841406972331678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273561009961215,0.0,0.11429146121290447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716171976963404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208960922035388,0.14120361274422902,0.0,0.4190197843077021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757606068751083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476944494043982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418832269577986,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MachineryofTorture,2018/01/30,"I think I should I'm so tired. I feel like I struggle so much and it goes nowhere. I've been trying to do DBT (I have trauma diagnoses) but nothing ever pays off. I live with my boyfriend and he treats me like I should just be better and it makes me feel so worthless. The person who loves me most in the world also has me as second place to video games and maybe I just deserve it at this point. I've started cutting myself again and think about suicide most days. I have dreams about it. Today I've started to make a plan to end it all but I want to be sure it works; No half-assed attempt, I don't want to end up in a hospital with people guilting me for feeling the way I do.

The only thing I know is that I don't deserve love. That's all I've ever known. Maybe it's actually kinder to the people I love - even if it isn't reciprocated - to remove myself from the equation. I don't want to be a burden anymore.

I'm not even entirely sure why I'm posting here. I'm just so lonely. I want it to stop. ",0.93472222222222,2.63798525,2.8803333333333363,93.64800000000002,80.75925925925927,5.245925925925927,20.985185185185188,5.985473137389443,-0.010165925925925471,778,22,179,5,20,261,113,216,0.17800000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.154,-0.8697,0,2,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,4,16,16,1,2,9,0,16,5,0,2,6,38,37,14,1,7,7,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,14,7,0,1,7,3,1,1,6,7,0,1,1,3,25,9,22,31,5,21,0,2,0,3,7,8,0,3,12,116,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.12657998887936325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373046585484368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863923395826782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471953098504332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365336912863904,0.0,0.0,0.13165472914725185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977227815721746,0.0,0.0,0.1713468184187854,0.2346634673946225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675852438517108,0.09266612356180537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128620357981275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267412501779082,0.0,0.1145378806570663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512098448342517,0.0,0.17316724451713725,0.0,0.2606258405756902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535308519920448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446195395863795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865165586880208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798516359368613,0.11325932553874064,0.13552120529766815,0.0,0.12261956131506728,0.0,0.12422803228977035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362133500091693,0.0,0.0,0.10844485854381912,0.0,0.13560291884735526,0.0,0.14188363732707668,0.0,0.2445036404574661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617474482208802,0.1662281457932631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490846129735723,0.12295160330944975,0.0,0.0,0.08806578602741467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30602948088651405,0.1029591756132864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704470861476853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443172275034846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw_me_away_m8,2018/01/30,"My dad slapped me in the face But I completely deserved it, I was being a piece of fucking shit. I'm so hopeless and pathetic. ",0.8375641025641016,3.1739425000000066,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,85.53846153846153,6.543589743589743,31.743589743589745,7.793537801064563,2.5402205128205133,99,6,20,2,3,34,24,26,0.37,0.63,0.0,-0.9032,0,0,0,0,1,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6045698776653704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330712943235165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5918870316098587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Juancarloo,2018/01/30,mixing drugs What will happen if I mix 6mg of xanax and 400mg of fluoxitine? ppretty done at this point and deciding whether to jump offf a building or this,5.115625000000001,5.5019043125000024,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,68.375,8.9,31.625,8.841846274778883,2.3792625000000007,126,5,26,2,2,41,28,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073965314564848,0.0,0.0,0.5749943841310353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384524434284263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687106494793374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dan_hasNOlife,2018/01/30,"I need help. Okay so my name is Dan and I'm 16 years old. I've always had pretty bad depression but lately It's gotten pretty extreme. When I was 13 I stopped living with my mom because her boyfriend(now husband) was and still is an abusive piece of shit. She was just as abusive as he was, so I guess they really should be together. I haven't seen or even heard from my mom since I left. I now live with my biological dad who i met when I was around 12. Sure life HAS gotten better, considering I no longer am abused but I sense then my depression/anxiety has increased insanely. Maybe I feel guilty for leaving my mother with such an asshole, I mean sure she's a piece of shit too and I DO hate her. But maybe I feel some sort of subconscious guilt. Or maybe this is a form of PTSD? I really don't know but whatever it is it's really hard to live with. I've been self harming for a while now. It started out as a cry for help, hoping my dad would see the cuts and try to help me but he didn't even notice. Since then it's become more of an addiction than anything. It makes me feel good in the moment. I can't explain it, the closest thing I can compare it to is a high. I need help, I really do but I don't have it. I can't handle living like this for much longer. I'm really scared of what I might end up doing to myself. So I guess this is sorta a cry out for help too.",0.9137755102040792,2.7208190510204133,2.9138435374149663,92.87341836734696,81.27891156462586,6.240816326530613,19.343537414965986,7.310402129719878,0.2676068027210881,1067,26,247,15,28,359,151,294,0.218,0.65,0.132,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,15,16,4,2,12,1,31,4,2,1,2,42,53,23,0,5,9,6,4,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,15,11,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,13,7,39,7,29,36,7,24,0,1,2,0,24,8,2,9,16,162,54,1,0.0,0.3206040213994445,0.0,0.09832740987552056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505064584368236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900001342780795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422396735798081,0.080293935395125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531024210840613,0.05498289966723645,0.09961485808253044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977140260681244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815306129101776,0.0,0.0,0.07768604326106138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988725525365678,0.0,0.0,0.11914776777864765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681805818311926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565247666629565,0.0,0.0,0.19872304806661287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079827477395563,0.08905029004499364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022837909818536,0.09529746848462266,0.0,0.08958539536448695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956959287793665,0.0,0.10174548897419047,0.09550498406960614,0.09799867282979216,0.0,0.0637083979535144,0.04406541418021835,0.0,0.3185803607518966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060206809869584786,0.0,0.2718432774234347,0.09825034195159688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568414661990217,0.0,0.21127391093017284,0.0,0.0,0.06630474587818119,0.13375900318423495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026892205089226,0.09464596875595396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352436803352493,0.0,0.0,0.10543478672976732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28891067715578245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030235001216036,0.0,0.07187486793499852,0.0,0.09409453581312713,0.0,0.18517065527841614,0.14922281922707448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384148939498471,0.0,0.0720309764860797,0.07540824476231232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001811438983958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992249275006496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123744764955675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407294798351114,0.0,0.0,0.058083536437693574
suicidewatch,TheFreshSense,2018/01/30,"Why does my family make me feel worthless to the point I'm always In tears and wanna end it all. So Just wanted to say thanks for listening for before we start.

I'm at that stage in life where I just feel I can do no better I try my hardest in life but whatever I do I never seem to please anyone I always get made to feel like a failure and made to feel tiny in front of people. I've been working with a Certain family member for years and thinking as It's family that I would be closer to them and respected more than a normal member of the public would be. But I go to work everyday and in the end I just feel like I never wanna be there I never wanna go back as I just get slated and belittled in front of customers and it makes me feel so low. I will totally admit I'm not the smartest person around but I try my best to treat everybody with respect including certain members of family that don't treat me the same way. The hardest part of it was I did a favour for a certain family member that I didn't need to do and was rewarded by them basically slagging me off in front of my face telling people how thick I was. That hurt the most that got to the point of tipping me over the edge where I had low self esteem and family wonder why I never come out of my room and it's mainly because my confidence is so shot that I feel like I'm a waste of space and just don't feel like I'm part of the family I feel like I'm not welcome there.

Thanks for listening I'm sorry It went on for a bit.",5.85657710280374,4.265576984423679,7.085465342679132,79.99679614485983,67.3177570093458,10.39260124610592,29.40829439252337,9.354420925462401,2.2087023364485985,1176,30,258,19,16,404,141,321,0.123,0.696,0.182,0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,2,5,15,23,0,0,17,0,20,3,1,5,9,64,58,20,0,8,10,0,10,5,0,3,2,3,1,2,13,17,0,0,13,0,0,7,10,4,0,0,11,13,35,19,48,41,10,42,0,4,0,0,12,23,0,3,15,177,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346771206459895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658672356903744,0.0,0.0,0.07204305774312549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222861934658111,0.0,0.04933294396542542,0.0,0.06886374826405342,0.0,0.08492891957459442,0.07157421959668481,0.0883523913173009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971228680262384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082061851411131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143356334817995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340418637705908,0.0,0.3682765535460557,0.2890748166435106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456305617689121,0.0,0.09198646925019974,0.0,0.06472549655460523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663507375473474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432364773008047,0.19768660999352108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315201822043473,0.10804010685537334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000706991533145,0.24966658133870398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929223535802807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527422661594014,0.0,0.11221053969481637,0.07066318845514738,0.0,0.08883461712944435,0.15300619402912333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643571759553811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736737913151811,0.08442553031607017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059224519111347,0.057281239040741574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073461941979488,0.1490152174144748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185538028266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988956900290373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773341792795192,0.06423686168835335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502104596741985,0.14604982438632244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776293949173294,0.11783306300141505,0.0,0.0,0.11497782662247308,0.0,0.0,0.052114964211353774
suicidewatch,suffire123,2018/01/30,"The only reason why I haven't hung myself is because I don't want to hurt my friends. They are great guys, really. Why can't I just be able to kill myself without others getting hurt.  Life sucks so fucking much, I just can't take this anymore. ",2.9063999999999983,4.410841439999999,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,74.6,5.8000000000000025,24.5,5.985473137389443,0.6078000000000001,192,6,39,1,4,62,38,50,0.15,0.623,0.227,0.652,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,5,12,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,3,11,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,25,10,0,0.22212208173986892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028541910211008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354035593659991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716109693545756,0.2053482853409682,0.11604961995824475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489037927803955,0.0,0.21993578290641408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755725650813906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24574517332082044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568913952632386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632852877730928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689338523675147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229709332352575,0.2283784944090584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670081620342325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101335879486972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008612597810251,0.0,0.0,0.21411776035226232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vollspasst21,2018/01/30,"If i do it I want to do it properly If you want my story just read my post history this is not even a throwaway... I got held back by you guys and I want to thank you for that but all I want to ask for in this post is advice on how I would make my suicide as quick and painless as possible.. I know I will think of doing it again probably tomorrow or something like that but if I get to the point of no return I want to be able to do it properly

If I would fail it would be a catastrophe",2.5166317169069465,2.4739970458715628,4.664508519003935,89.35477064220186,73.95412844036696,8.797378768020971,25.66317169069462,8.841846274778883,1.4601024901703803,374,11,94,7,7,131,63,109,0.16899999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.12,-0.9294,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,3,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,2,1,25,25,12,1,12,9,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,17,2,15,17,1,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,5,6,74,26,2,0.1795516122588825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545575744711178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785651977604799,0.0,0.0,0.13806410676748568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859214650540632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938083066857616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360382667536245,0.0,0.0,0.17778432520055995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867687041715774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771984824743607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985209542392287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973430979458262,0.20241746469640864,0.34392162378829705,0.0,0.19358700636503656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960020147513794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822760321498995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640032140530111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530700104808346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504942315914893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295209646607596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826449412838546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheBulbousCat,2018/01/30,My family say they will kill themselves if I kill myself. Its so horrible. It gives me no choice but to stay alive. I really want to die and I have for a long time now. I can't handle anymore pain in my life. Why do they prefer keeping me alive and in agony every day then letting me be happy and just dieing. I've honestly fucked up my life beyond repair now due to my mental illnesses.,1.4091249999999995,3.5104036625,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,81.125,6.5,18.75,7.6454224807358475,0.5661250000000004,303,7,63,5,8,102,61,80,0.271,0.535,0.193,-0.8624,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,3,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,0,9,10,7,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,14,2,8,7,0,12,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,7,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618451043163235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275776818896696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106123300414981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667207412250276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648730553878826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828816132806272,0.0,0.1897671884041953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058331130479116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583170805924453,0.4377175458583948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022845860013234,0.27945255474568403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750646768623292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993562621486009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104946701016448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672870362145905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731458533768125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085004237592567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535056585523484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667949590100267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785019869260936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnotherDisplay,2018/01/30,"For the first time I thought I may be better off dead My life is only waiting for something to happen, I have no job and can't get one because there is none in my town, and I need a job to save money to move but I can't get one so all I can do is wait for something to happen.

But I'm done waiting and being alone, I'm gay and there is nobody I can go out with because it's a small town so most gays are closeted, and I can't deal with being alone anymore.

I accepted that waiting won't result in anything so there's nothing I can do except ""live"".

For the first time I had to control myself to not just go to my pills cabinet and swallow everything I could.",1.8948295454545487,2.8860257430555585,3.855732323232324,90.7352272727273,76.29166666666667,6.347474747474747,24.896464646464647,6.574015621080383,0.7256055555555556,513,17,117,4,11,175,79,144,0.071,0.878,0.051,-0.3716,2,2,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,4,0,22,5,0,2,1,28,36,11,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,9,1,5,2,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,3,0,16,3,18,27,3,14,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,2,4,86,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34507488765370753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521294179375895,0.0,0.0,0.13708972898222746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031039590671511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733569698796506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684533205818132,0.13300890229950024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174741776338098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047984825098855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972073614331974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834034683115224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407324720354747,0.0,0.1893543602264849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946307331127813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306305917344935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766774695855835,0.0,0.0,0.14710240124964755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705926229856914,0.0,0.12352469254991938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984800999030174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257719727286173,0.12669952842068216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25649890286793714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225419262221816,0.19428043815069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roserager,2018/01/30,"Attempted again, failed again I got into this case study for treatment resistant depression. I worked hard to get everything set up and no one was given a placebo, everyone was given a different type of proven medication (it was to see how people responded when moving from my specific former med).

Everything was great for a week. I had interest in things I hadn't liked in a literal decade. I felt passionate again. I could do things. It wasn't a cure all - still had an urge to not do chores. But once I started, I could go with no problem. Then week 2 came around and I got in this fight with a friend that resulted in a realization that my life situation was going to change soon in a big way. I couldn't handle it. I tried contacting someone, someone who had promised that if I had these feelings I should contact them. They didn't answer, they were out. I tried calling my estranged sister and got a voicemail. I texted my parents with how bad everything was. They told me I could move back in and it just made me feel worse. We've never understood one another - and I'm fairly sure they love me but don't like me. 

So I went to the store and purchased one item. I told myself if the clerk notices, I'll rethink it. I kept saying little things like that. If the friend calls me back. If this person notices. If someone texts me. If I see any sign at all. 

Nothing. So I went home and tried. I specifically looked up how to do it in a way where you were passed out 1 minute in, then gravity took care of the rest. I was dumb for thinking I could accomplish it. A brand new bruise blooming, I called my dad and told him what happened. He didn't know about my other 2 attempts and he told me to get off the case study. I did. He didn't call me back or text me to see how I was for almost a month and even then it was just a text. I told my boss what had happened, because I needed time off. It was stupid of me but everyone at work knows I'm a basket case so I got 2 days off. 

I went back on my old meds. I don't feel as bad, but I still hate that I had one week. One week out of ten years where I didn't hate myself and everything about me. I want to quit my job and go off my meds for good. At least then I might get bad enough to actually do it well, in a foolproof way. My friends wouldn't miss me. And no one who claims they'll help ever has. Every person who posts that you can always talk to them? I have 3 people now who cut me out of their lives entirely when I admitted that I was feeling this way. They're those kinds of people. No one really knows how they'll respond to this sort of situation. I think they want to believe they could handle it when they almost never can. 

I'm staying in bed for the time being. My roommate is gone. Has been for 2 days going on 3 with minimal contact. This is a person who, you couldn't pay her to stop texting me. I failed college because I cared more about hanging out with them than about studying. And now I have no other real friends. And I'm alone. And I'm going to have to move back in with my parents and they have a hefty gun collection. I've avoided staying there for just that reason. If I could wish myself to be someone who was worth something, I would in a second. There's literally nothing good about me. I'm a failure at work, at school, at relationships and friendships. I'm just really tired.",1.752960812772134,3.732602409288827,3.101329462989842,91.7073497822932,79.33381712626995,6.271930333817125,22.211030478955006,7.321109707123232,0.6762459796806968,2616,80,571,35,65,850,280,689,0.126,0.7659999999999999,0.108,-0.9424,4,2,1,1,1,0,77.0,0,3,14,9,41,34,6,1,26,0,60,5,0,9,6,103,123,46,0,23,17,4,6,3,4,6,3,1,3,3,40,32,0,3,15,0,4,16,19,15,1,9,49,11,96,19,79,58,7,99,0,4,4,2,60,37,1,12,41,392,136,12,0.0,0.0,0.05161623289150506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593000324751227,0.05478150918231511,0.0,0.0,0.044011464534859414,0.0,0.0,0.035969259211361355,0.05546323909571798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708625289337614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033584220013452,0.13249109367703604,0.06448653203514068,0.0,0.0,0.0595926386214059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216039901047656,0.06049584665710583,0.10785649327373506,0.0,0.05595410021205459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25338598652111244,0.0,0.0,0.06822360819162357,0.0,0.04555692358676176,0.0,0.0,0.055262242920945163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546529203322111,0.0,0.03493552718333493,0.04784501994115623,0.04456488828215498,0.10108363368366582,0.1901483573629181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697777121503732,0.0,0.050785864786007294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346093595593164,0.0,0.08290370175803277,0.0,0.15030241252832496,0.08872878457856012,0.16921442231317865,0.0583150522864932,0.0,0.0,0.09354674471477237,0.0,0.04738200937135728,0.1044423705639329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03545326544949542,0.0,0.05305629465479655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052488440756180976,0.0,0.0,0.05508023468848379,0.08720632665168629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037360103508554114,0.07752298697519437,0.053012984265501724,0.04670575479769537,0.0,0.04441705223897385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047738270230668296,0.050048921346251884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625760404933574,0.05328443720036053,0.0,0.05611143486068487,0.0,0.0,0.04221892909851683,0.1686516281038127,0.0,0.03921971329282475,0.08158915068440896,0.05108468075974664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150509979556817,0.12043875001300205,0.05550262293473287,0.05632964047763773,0.2508930927100016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117463504946377,0.0,0.0,0.11000866734886436,0.13855317359161626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506571623452528,0.0,0.0,0.05061174670582709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625853754038161,0.0,0.06020415759852143,0.06776960746143558,0.054383123917882366,0.0,0.05678761168138416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042062876805471834,0.0,0.05353084555601005,0.12644734094590768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890857538840155,0.0,0.0,0.1792652928701269,0.04071984808356912,0.0,0.0,0.03743815146124413,0.1127544447051689,0.08448131875190919,0.04422116895442919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985131125545125,0.0,0.0,0.042513632659097335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541987886431448,0.0677837844855978,0.0,0.0,0.061685019613346985,0.06079306983600453,0.0,0.2527090842091646,0.0587664048214975,0.10773324033935612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062395679984452876,0.1679369648811583,0.16971126585449567,0.0,0.047557430811169935,0.14709786286457016,0.0,0.0,0.060824687042060226,0.0,0.0,0.1155208616380914,0.0,0.053902793633245565,0.03757388422337701,0.0,0.0,0.034061552372396456
suicidewatch,useless622952,2018/01/30,"Umm idk why I'm here but I'm probs gonna kill my self soon So a friend who knows I'm suicidal basically told me that I should come and post on this subreddit to try and stop me killing myself so I figured I would

So I'm 15 in the UK living with Aspergers, watching my life deteriorate in front of me and everyone I actually somewhat care about leaving me because they can't deal with me being depressed. Basically have little things but no actual reason to carry on living, and I just generally hate life. I've made suicide attempts before sadly with none of them being successful and I'm just getting over a drug and alcohol problem (yeah my life's been really fucked). Umm so yeah, idk why the fuck I'm posting this my deaths really inevitable tbh, but you know if anyone sees this and wants to try and talk to me and tell me my life's worth something or whatever then be my guest because I guess there's at least some part of me that would prefere my life simply improving over death",3.5975,5.3277086868686885,4.909987373737375,81.90164772727275,73.24242424242425,8.182323232323233,27.021464646464647,8.841846274778883,2.097534343434344,792,29,155,16,16,263,122,198,0.248,0.654,0.098,-0.9908,0,0,3,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,2,2,10,11,5,0,4,2,9,9,0,2,0,36,29,19,6,7,7,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,7,13,1,1,5,0,1,2,3,8,2,0,3,2,25,3,18,19,5,15,0,2,2,2,11,8,2,5,3,93,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.2313378575709262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266733407307815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287946716210806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451050887949982,0.0,0.10086095117253273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208500150112918,0.0,0.0,0.1021037589816371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220001448381597,0.10209037457495627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374580568645199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326122588709953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157657533839296,0.21915956531056796,0.06192743275716901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057500139131406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702459135615005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622734602956839,0.0,0.1302828176595565,0.0,0.0,0.12550696609269058,0.0,0.0,0.41860892495117424,0.0,0.11879896610433158,0.20932967490756374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215667619830537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835726821554516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703941669292305,0.0,0.0,0.1134179345813454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186768696879632,0.12186936812709212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445367381308514,0.0,0.12365343893674245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125077411273852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909702735089806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593068381045455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952705393823071,0.10360111343564088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874657368971084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326122588709953,0.0,0.1609492183183719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991251647337897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391115902814167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684017098869806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SkysDreams,2018/01/30,"I wanna end this ... I'm a 15 years old guy suffering anuptaphobia..
My relationship (9months+) starts getting worse day by day . All I have left in this stupid world is her ... and I feel a break up is coming.. I'm crazy, I love her so much, I don't wanna do something crazy because of her . Daily I'm being  more sad and thinking more of suicide..
But one thing stops me from doing it, it is me believing in God . 
What I go thru is SUFFER . This anuptaphobia kills me :(
oh God forgive me..",0.4319759450171823,2.785360505154639,2.6470360824742265,90.48196305841928,88.27835051546394,5.295189003436427,20.45446735395189,6.816661863887847,0.4490075601374573,367,12,78,5,12,124,65,97,0.266,0.643,0.091,-0.9644,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,11,19,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,0,1,14,2,10,18,4,15,0,3,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419964142567264,0.0,0.0,0.2624405665271433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006548557602128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004505723950965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063133057638764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778009638845208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217001235941254,0.0,0.13238363397508982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064454646307286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25771060669189944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530870548473564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023500509779705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123571546583016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444285090189226,0.0,0.1578443409689107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500874827185875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793265115821276,0.0,0.0,0.16487421779791145,0.0,0.0,0.19474601060413865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25479559575696914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475318972498958,0.14925681437576185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373830061188675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500039821729712
suicidewatch,XManeEX,2018/01/30,"Help, i don't know what to do So im a 21 year old guy, and I've graduated from highschool a while back and haven't decided what to make my career so I've been working here and there trying to figure it out. 

I was engaged to my long time girlfriend of 8 years until last June, and we parted ways. Needless to say I miss her everyday, and wish things were different. My father passed away when I was 13 due to cancer. 

Anyways, I feel this constant feeling of anxiety, restlessness, and I'll admit I've had suicidal thoughts for quite sometime now. 

If I sit and think to myself, I can see potential in myself, great potential to acheive great things. But then when I snap back into where I am at the moment I just feel like curling up into a ball in my bed, and staying there all day. I've noticed that I've been in this rut since last year or maybe even a little longer, and now I'm just so desperate to change where I am.

As messed up as this is, I have thoughts, terrible thoughts of suicide everyday. Right now, I don't know if I would act on them just yet but I just really am not happy where I am and what I've amounted to at this stage in my life. It's really unsettling.

I feel so alone, and I honestly don't believe anyone can understand fully to what extent I'm hurting. I want the pain to go away but I don't know the best way to do that.

Please help, what's wrong with me?",2.739565901226804,3.920022712802768,4.150482856244103,88.70297499213589,74.46712802768168,7.607486631016044,25.247090279962247,8.150884317080207,1.3374553633217996,1080,35,238,17,22,358,156,289,0.147,0.758,0.094,-0.954,1,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,1,3,24,14,0,1,7,0,22,3,0,1,1,48,43,28,2,5,11,1,4,1,1,1,3,1,1,1,15,16,0,0,15,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,9,6,31,7,36,33,5,53,0,2,1,0,10,19,0,4,27,158,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171520641461403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653195471487356,0.0,0.0,0.07909198848247465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254878640050592,0.17395547698164116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744082312844493,0.11870623894008744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196596887366942,0.0,0.0,0.12223612625054722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294921810703256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818012910137488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471077709707445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877549199833005,0.0808087149299177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428533326906723,0.0,0.0,0.2494173252298144,0.0,0.11200071406758223,0.0,0.12041203193642798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163595490977305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210909524957389,0.0,0.12218260716149908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649360571369092,0.18440613001217235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989581353398566,0.05526182148245906,0.11337001528346576,0.0,0.10010239335052012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550452074350303,0.0,0.11363828789279296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878111955848714,0.11869418968888056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036134668830452,0.0,0.0,0.12249151601673483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416528244960152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203107380040291,0.0,0.0,0.1449275406790705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659879859669666,0.0,0.08995284933253789,0.0,0.0,0.09013726966583856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356912842700288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118727085469694,0.0,0.0,0.12056454938929208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745686905391026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029592521676954,0.07247892935640833,0.0,0.2693998122498433,0.06595772444447058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679702921232065,0.0,0.0,0.11775573710208817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671760976549046,0.1795693690802598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007559931044615,0.0,0.0,0.08234839087646048,0.0,0.0,0.08035299064337836,0.12367247970372774,0.0,0.2185252594174407
suicidewatch,wammyshousexxx,2018/01/30,"I don't feel anything and I think my mind is tricking me. I was recently diagnosed with depression and since then, I keep asking myself if I'm faking simptoms, even though I know I don't. 
Today I feel empty and I'm torturing myself by saying that it is because I somehow haven't depression and if I had, I would feel more miserable than I usually do.

And honestly? I'm sick of it. I should at least try to trust myself, but I can't do that easily and it sounds so pathetic...",3.4968367346938765,4.465251744897961,5.643469387755103,79.5372448979592,72.36734693877553,9.681632653061223,28.285714285714285,9.957137785484203,2.790595918367348,373,14,75,10,7,131,60,98,0.179,0.748,0.073,-0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,0,0,12,2,0,0,0,20,22,12,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,5,18,2,6,18,2,5,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663778399762868,0.0,0.22338860003695205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566340136717065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116193714281831,0.24253204937379103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782606251199113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362465127230826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239221672807934,0.0,0.0,0.1313222028427997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412741975704186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593705015572344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900248474653434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766421507200407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311129772540708,0.2347699004678397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22649930251333236,0.0,0.0,0.16223325742483205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317273641178984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974520433416654,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zpdrummer,2018/01/30,"I'd like to learn about ketamine treatments and any personal stories from anyone who has undergone treatment. I've seen a few pretty inspirational anecdotes about people going through ketamine treatment and about how **huge** of an effect it has had on their lives. I've found a few treatment centers not too far from where I live, and I'm interested in seeking their help. It's expensive - which fuckin sucks! - but I might be able to take a loan from a friend or relative, considering the purpose of the loan. 

I'd love to hear from anyone who has been treated with ketamine, your experience through the process, and how your life has been since. Thank you - love all of you!",5.205322580645159,7.324091467741938,4.757290322580649,83.040935483871,69.80645161290322,7.540645161290323,31.754838709677426,8.238735603445708,2.3990058064516138,538,24,97,8,10,163,80,124,0.013,0.7659999999999999,0.221,0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,2,1,7,10,2,0,8,0,9,4,0,3,1,16,19,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,5,2,8,8,18,12,3,7,0,0,1,3,14,6,2,2,1,62,13,1,0.2190957101001223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899259598011622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063936294620071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143176456485383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022713743545904,0.16927280213294674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451714111252013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693678867402585,0.0,0.1468552361407546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547537794736432,0.10703909700313036,0.0,0.3869310520757887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954848648659936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324259250082625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189337866080938,0.191305923143932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289910350141784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812382354674178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647327071977407,0.0,0.0,0.20171389342319748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Paulonos,2018/01/30,Advice Is drinking bleach a sure way to die? Idc if it is painful or not,-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,0.8049999999999997,103.54,91.5,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.7774000000000001,56,2,14,0,2,18,15,16,0.322,0.569,0.109,-0.6705,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113887969526241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369235346756535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41241217431639854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4479654825850036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967802545062557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341640871044675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darkstarkhaz,2018/01/30,"I've been doing ""controlled"" hanging for a few months now When I was 16 I promised myself I would hang myself on my 20th if nothing gets better. I turned 17 yesterday. Although I won't kill myself right now, I've been practicing hanging I guess you could say. When everyone's out of the house I'll tie myself up to the staircase railing and see how far I can go. The first time I did it I was just gagging before I stopped. The second time I did it I was coughing gagging and gasping for breath rapidly. The 3rd time which was just now, my vision got blurry, all my rapid breathing became raspy, my stomache was hurting, I had a weird sound in my ears where I couldn't hear much else through it, and I could hear my heartbeat really loudly. When you do it for real is it worse than this? Or is this the extent of what it feels like? After experiencing an overdose, hanging myself only is a slight discomfort and panic compared to the agony if an overdose.",4.11015873015873,5.464728984126985,4.7215608465608465,85.25630952380955,71.32804232804233,6.669841269841268,28.314814814814817,6.868970318607317,1.4092370370370366,754,28,145,6,14,241,115,189,0.121,0.821,0.058,-0.8667,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,2,0,3,10,8,1,2,12,0,21,5,4,2,1,21,30,12,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,10,5,0,2,1,0,0,5,2,5,0,2,11,9,28,3,14,14,4,26,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,4,15,108,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566237742471908,0.0,0.0,0.15139563633387326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199398734491926,0.2733481133679055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299971536666478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357073020788546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655422997760392,0.12229170240472766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560642567074006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943497932899924,0.0,0.09728607677955946,0.0,0.13690904061724846,0.0,0.18857511171354546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858667355835008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975198291019967,0.18325274370909975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938635476838947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836303637910475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663499835889356,0.0,0.12583769203182768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425273497136164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019082354507527,0.0,0.20084395775781316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948413934298852,0.10966289768587956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618759301996834,0.0,0.1361299593808951,0.0,0.0,0.13640905151268987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431149362746165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994509595673547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619571397861368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744480089116477,0.12160203299374385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kozumeken,2018/01/30,"I want to kill myself but I don’t know if I can I hate being alive. It’s been so, so, SO long since I’ve enjoyed being alive. I’ve finally came to the conclusion that it’s not going to cheat better. That’s a load of horse shit, that whole “It will always get better” shit. I’m tired of being told that. For years, I tried to keep telling myself that and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve taken so many medications that I can’t even remember the names of half of them, I’ve seen so many therapists, psychiatrists, and been to so many groups and I’m still feeling this way. I know it’s not going to get better. 

I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I used to love art and music and shit like that but now I just don’t have to the motivation to do those kind of things anymore. I used to enjoy long, warm showers to help me relax but I can’t even do those anymore. I don’t even shower period. I don’t eat, but when I do it’s junk, I don’t brush my teeth, I don’t brush my hair, the fucking works. I’m a fucking slob. I never leave the house unless it’s me being forced to go to school. Oh god, I’m so miserable. I’m tired of being sorry for myself. 

Literally nobody will care if I die. Like, nobody. First of all, I don’t have any friends. Nada, nope, none. Second of all, my parents don’t like me. I’ve been a freeloader all of my life, not contributing to the household whatsoever (their words, not mine) and also I don’t ever talk to them because it usually ends up in argument. The problem is that I’m not brave enough to kill myself. I have every reason to, I just am not motivated enough (ha).  Everything sucks, yada yada ya, blah.
",0.38824167190446346,2.450951215116284,2.8202482715273405,91.40231301068512,84.81395348837209,5.579384035197989,18.59962287869265,6.885778809224403,0.13389764299182882,1254,32,279,16,37,431,153,344,0.184,0.618,0.198,0.3948,3,0,0,0,0,2,53.0,0,1,3,8,17,29,10,1,10,1,33,13,5,5,5,42,61,22,3,4,15,1,3,4,1,2,4,0,2,0,20,7,1,1,8,2,0,4,22,12,0,3,7,6,40,17,31,47,7,20,0,1,1,3,13,2,6,2,16,181,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743442995038466,0.07735455887494529,0.0,0.0,0.06321957718879415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687863024049954,0.0,0.0,0.0765025029216089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056670770805664926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24666070185477595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632751219219803,0.09478429708218447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648328159594584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095126688552556,0.0,0.0,0.08233964305580947,0.19211596742831372,0.0,0.1842080687083298,0.08409241662430228,0.0783272565639545,0.0,0.08355119773936291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047006038024533486,0.0,0.0,0.1018389183183705,0.0,0.07907621826762498,0.0,0.0,0.07182474343782462,0.17188980361200895,0.09714104186820434,0.0,0.15850293020483014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917839657031582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231266644966733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726944945117332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263181088820057,0.20570461307030727,0.09680903151226466,0.10218257145101428,0.0,0.0,0.09843680663921894,0.0,0.0,0.06566412540390439,0.13625441742309075,0.0,0.0,0.1645426917745439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390479331178374,0.0,0.0,0.2827566022886152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365273748772744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717005537861052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322693990147824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895521613962185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558378948233552,0.0,0.0,0.10531153786522092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940858248629333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862825668178883,0.076901838922401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406701792607932,0.0,0.0,0.07424219137324438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472196927032906,0.08125575088270658,0.0,0.0,0.10793985345497624,0.06176200006356871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369982342183355,0.0,0.08883230739666989,0.0,0.06311732159407887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058430369964605,0.10238812005974172,0.0,0.0548333298142884,0.07379151077152787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379241328900142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767982984517071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059866591266820035
suicidewatch,RavenRooks,2018/01/30,"Not depressed, just done. Thought I should bring this up as I feel its a bit unusual. I'm about to turn 30, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to turn my life chips in around this point. 

I'm not depressed, I'm not super emotional about the whole deal. In many regards, parts of my life are great. I'm tall, educated, smart, loved by friends & family and have women constantly crawling into my bed or trying to start serious relationships with me. Mostly what I am is disappointed with myself, my inability to generate success on any level and in some way I've come to realize that my potential is very hindered by some fundamental character flaws I have. If I'm being real with myself it comes from being lazy, but its not the kind of lazy that I don't want to work hard at something, it's that I'm so incapable of actually generating ""Work"". When I do accomplish something, its generally high quality, it's great, but it's not something I can focus on, or persevere at or rely on. I just can't DO IT as Shia LaBeouf would say.   

I was a science major in college, I won awards for my scientific experiments. I've worked at the world's largest corporations and small start ups, but success has just not come. I can't generate it, and I don't CARE about it on some level because otherwise I'd be capable. Some part of me just is absent. Realizing that, makes me feel pretty broken in this day and age. I value myself on my success, always will, but can't achieve it. I'm in debt, lost another job and I pretty much feel that this is going to be a constant in my life because I've tried to change, and it didn't work. So, I'm going to snip this in the bud. 30 was my deadline. its a few weeks away. I have one last trip with my old friends, skiing and partying with beautiful people who love me. ",4.408949676823639,5.100071578947372,5.966000692520776,79.08017370729456,70.05263157894737,9.45156971375808,29.72310710987996,9.621722640351123,2.624204893813481,1404,53,285,31,24,480,180,361,0.08900000000000001,0.7070000000000001,0.204,0.9944,2,0,3,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,0,14,11,21,0,0,8,0,29,5,0,1,1,55,61,22,0,4,18,0,4,0,3,3,3,1,1,1,25,19,0,0,6,1,1,8,12,5,0,1,7,5,32,16,48,47,12,47,0,4,0,2,10,28,0,9,10,183,57,13,0.0,0.0,0.0943848158490991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047882890065625,0.1047961327487991,0.0,0.06577295003354633,0.10141940461729138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610134950582267,0.0,0.0,0.09087166992249117,0.0,0.0,0.11791928836956055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559324330194796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861253607144288,0.0,0.10231698728610597,0.24994727426386704,0.0,0.20904002521686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062376430194572036,0.09971412361918362,0.1666096730625864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897819067357892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879703703135517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461076710435877,0.09117905439114243,0.0,0.14671368875323498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494513399607389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490469838796826,0.0,0.0,0.21326839108388695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866421662052727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219004213253187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959797245450245,0.0,0.0,0.10071904741528134,0.0,0.07883974903801302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494869301117688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558135894468204,0.0,0.17458724096146547,0.0,0.06456138379196283,0.09805894893626356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110036481159507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014914214264348,0.0,0.06554000837853738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094767756670056,0.0,0.06705350382925891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143170904565304,0.0,0.0,0.2951971841421753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008859054535497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384113622402144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769156650721249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337945724455385,0.0,0.0,0.13691789708201516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115750160559014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678491522041953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313331288838317,0.2104072790350677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980416981861073,0.057047990866465774,0.07677187299721286,0.07758298929361776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798448070495384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816533905876468,0.0,0.0,0.0687071478194309,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chr0nicDepression73,2018/01/30,"If I want to die in a few years, is that suicidal? For a long time my purpose/goal in life was to make enough money for my parents to be set for life and end my life around my mid-20s. I've told people around me this and they have flipped out and told me to seek help. Is there something wrong with my aspirations and plans?",4.593970588235294,4.335272220588237,4.575294117647061,92.53882352941179,69.44117647058823,7.976470588235292,27.294117647058826,7.1686216300943375,0.9382823529411763,253,7,61,2,4,78,47,68,0.161,0.785,0.054000000000000006,-0.8708,2,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,11,9,5,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,9,0,13,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792153076758853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105162228135086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864731147700567,0.220077227700578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104801743392632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276375947762593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513267336927637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849083670072614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217352665880365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365019322613928,0.0,0.0,0.1476615362668561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397131615561425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329782072841479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419709710516726,0.0,0.0,0.4070451447384151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562794621038395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328728454531812,0.0,0.13715958766208866
suicidewatch,Benbob9,2018/01/30,"How can I overcome my fear and nervousness to commit suicide? I don't have the courage to do it, how can I overcome this or trick my mind? I can't live anymore, no one gets my mental issues.",0.997,2.9959167000000018,2.765000000000004,93.05,82.0,5.0,25.0,5.985473137389443,0.6102500000000002,148,6,32,1,4,49,29,40,0.312,0.598,0.09,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,7,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488330516059545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958069767391234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377041582121686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671267400225805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105941881389377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544727008725164,0.0,0.3551586441246402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383491431086999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38474811034565903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,superbak,2018/01/30,Methods Is there any painless way to kill myself? I’m not sure on which method to use ,0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,84.55555555555556,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.6540888888888885,68,2,15,0,2,21,17,18,0.29100000000000004,0.612,0.096,-0.6664,0,0,2,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34213073767987595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566145341634172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474173398843571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345238352393439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993437656088965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aurieea,2018/01/30,"I have been planning to kill myself since last year. Last year, in September, I had made plans to kill myself on the 16th of February, this year.
As this time approaches, I become more, and more suicidal. I keep thinking about it and I can't stop. I've already written my suicide note to my internet friends, I'm starting to have the mindset, where if I see anything happen after Feb 16th, I'll just think ""I won't be alive then."" I've also stopped paying attention in class a little, since it doesn't matter if I'm going to die, right?
I don't even know if I'm going to go through with it. I really do want to. But deep down I feel like I might chicken out. I just don't see the point to it anymore. I can't go on living like this...
I don't really want to go through my whole life story- but compared to some people- I guess I haven't really been through that much. I have parents who sometimes care, I have friends who sometimes care, I have a boyfriend who sometimes cares. I'm scared of hurting them, even if I only hurt them a little. It's mostly just myself and my thoughts and stuff at this point, and some experiences I've had. 
I'm kind of unsure why I'm writing this. I don't know if anyone will even care. If you do, thank you.",2.0963176512203745,3.7444724785992234,3.4289441103643448,91.28534754156351,77.13229571984436,6.2291475061903085,24.522285107888226,6.980632752743323,0.8245424124513625,965,33,210,10,22,315,125,257,0.128,0.74,0.132,0.2324,1,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,2,2,2,9,15,2,1,6,0,23,1,0,1,0,38,55,16,5,8,11,1,1,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,15,7,0,3,7,0,1,6,9,5,0,0,7,3,32,10,27,44,7,31,0,2,2,0,11,14,0,11,13,132,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498500374892092,0.07608026978905359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434940395136768,0.0665213425339349,0.0,0.07828886815340455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507029963691078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879901992165674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873620631226727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885094036554225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306131816308362,0.0,0.0,0.0481036485445126,0.06796521757410699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700376208391125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703400658113017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480309166239213,0.0,0.08412850032549782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369023167281625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456129800788667,0.21050790126056834,0.09906956262448884,0.10456857695363957,0.15509716692247766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719741001706273,0.09295734312454104,0.1907026429464452,0.08400688061740852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002003669089863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092432142528276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993594781812447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235525775174051,0.0,0.0,0.10563733184138133,0.0,0.0,0.06595536263775546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798686476414798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828397811413501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124567219904084,0.0,0.0,0.09524778889745587,0.0,0.15162223900448588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739505763149714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822759766787636,0.0,0.06733779025655279,0.0,0.0,0.1590760058244596,0.0,0.0,0.10890802327220173,0.208126808600314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758849863699289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191868680299628,0.0,0.0755274018396967,0.05547459944696838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222742169996153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584549327343972,0.10621600926747056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837935031466
suicidewatch,Throwaway727882,2018/01/30,"What to do if I genuinely want to kill myself? I think I might actually do it.
Literally everyone would want me to do it if they knew the mistakes I made.
The world would be better off without me.
I would be free of suffering.
It would be a fair punishment for me.

I'm starting not to see why I shouldn't end it soon.",0.649147121535183,2.6966942985074627,3.289125799573561,88.52895522388063,83.6268656716418,7.410660980810236,23.004264392324096,8.418075326091056,1.46728315565032,246,9,56,6,7,86,43,67,0.183,0.6659999999999999,0.151,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,2,0,3,0,12,0,0,1,0,16,20,2,1,10,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,11,3,8,9,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,3,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.22137187403901187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062948170455933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092085750755287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676391485467048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097477786812833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464998298770316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24065091143395054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076926104030824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056487049243715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535566197337565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676028031555566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469591379957566,0.0,0.0,0.21867431459935524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6445880064852827,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontshootimgayy,2018/01/30,"incapable of crying im wondering if any of you feel like this. i dont cry anymore, i dont really feel emotions, sometimes i feel a bit angry for a small amount of time but end up just sitting around staring at nothing completely blank and void of any feelings. i dont feel sad anymore i dont feel anything really anymore. i want to cry sometimes but i just cant.",2.013542857142859,4.016344373333337,4.0072380952380975,85.41600000000003,78.6,6.9523809523809526,29.380952380952376,7.957251820313856,2.1422952380952376,288,14,57,5,7,98,45,75,0.086,0.742,0.172,0.7233,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,13,4,0,2,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,9,13,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639621618556833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586725154645101,0.0,0.0,0.09920594477355266,0.10731891603209327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161410914601065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639892528480715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972698244558349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651551252084879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560739928842755,0.1067753572721524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657353603500098,0.08612404011215911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021936766735126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588967580310354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156751345924392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446038632869954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384626372715141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029620147639819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110606949527358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073603243806955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hurts_bad_ok,2018/01/30,"Boy: discontinued transition to girl. Now lost and clueless. What to do? Help please. Whew. Finally found my way here.

I am hurt and confused. Everything I worked for and hoped to be is gone. My entire world and view on life collapsed before me and I am not sure if I have the strength to go on.

See, I secretely started to identify as a girl when I was 17. Looking back now I feel I lied to myself. For some reason dressing up and doing girl stuff seemed to comfort me. I grew up as a normal boy doing boy things. I have these androgynous pretty boy features and am skinny. So it was easy for me to pass as a girl, didn't even have to try hard and could even hide it from classmates. I had a double life.

I was well liked in the local LGBTQ community. I was an instant hit, even though if we're being honest, I was just a superb crossdresser, I never took hormones or did any surgery. Didn't need to. How lucky I am.

Because it was just something to comfort me. Escapism. My life was pretty meh (school was boring and lonely) and crossdressing was helping me run away from my problems. My mind played tricks on me and the LGBTQ community encouraged my behavior.

Not going to talk about my sex life but let's just say it was not normal for the most part and I did questionable things. Some memories still make me feel nauseous. Now I believe I was exploited by twisted perverts to some extent, this traumatized me.

Eventually as time passed I became manlier. I couldn't pass easily anymore and a full transition (HRT and surgeries) would have been inevitable. I understood this was a huge decision so I disappeared from the scene to think. The more time I spent alone, the more I was unhappy about my past decisions and the company I kept. What the hell was I thinking?

It is scary. For the last couple of years I tried to picture my future life as a (trans) woman, made plans and all that because a woman's life is totally different from that of a man, totally different obstacles but also different advantages.

Over a year ago I have decided for once and for all to quit crossdressing and discontinue the transition, left the LGBTQ scene and took some time to chill put alone.

So far so good. But since I was an invisible ghost in school and at uni, no hobbies and only really socialized as a fake girl, I am completely lost in this world right now.

It feels like silent hill. Suddenly everything is empty and menacing. And I am isolated since I cut off the LGBTQ people.

I hope I can find a strong, non judgemental friend (don't we all?) who can speak some motivational words to my soul. I know nothing about male friendship and heterorelationships. I feel broken and don't know if I can handle my life anymore.",3.4939355552822526,5.741622354527942,4.427193047185668,82.98981429098514,74.97302504816956,8.193514532857789,26.456811380314022,8.962127807601751,2.233087533308736,2138,80,407,49,47,691,260,519,0.171,0.721,0.108,-0.9886,3,4,1,0,0,1,66.0,1,0,0,10,25,28,3,1,28,0,50,9,1,5,7,88,79,46,1,12,13,0,5,2,1,1,7,2,0,13,18,26,1,1,19,1,1,12,10,11,1,0,31,10,59,17,53,41,17,53,2,4,3,1,25,20,1,16,22,283,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735155516785201,0.0,0.0,0.17178820747266396,0.0,0.06632189706842677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639762993271227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449551177144595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791876157360055,0.06377074912963226,0.0,0.10111099447422316,0.0,0.07057030769419395,0.09343766464398937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695420615860842,0.0,0.0,0.06621565845981764,0.09176435012769504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259943595768245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433040130286544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907058035100834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677346958011952,0.059247715297030976,0.0,0.09084960519294996,0.07579972462643028,0.0,0.0,0.09093231182231304,0.06407422321603952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426604857170763,0.06956069247403869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429213413297245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117716564456212,0.0,0.0,0.1647433742216276,0.0,0.0,0.08878203650108643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115617513634236,0.0676018787049383,0.0,0.0,0.09010750003131247,0.08480513172154491,0.4100487295775085,0.08103424658658705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964326010040138,0.0,0.18106344345260567,0.0,0.0,0.0784736913271144,0.055358761150075285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373920225788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149414596943241,0.0639634347177516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251446045371326,0.07957693847563697,0.0,0.0,0.08832148027383034,0.0,0.06307467061139238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980890827870767,0.0791694183243881,0.057495652737568875,0.0,0.0,0.09103608825767674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874638728066665,0.0,0.07935616755937559,0.0,0.08337108278829314,0.09290451014292964,0.08820999515485874,0.0,0.0,0.05312932940648354,0.085269459659508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708247634213201,0.0,0.06595205494893712,0.0,0.16786627714031074,0.06608726911998115,0.0754995516969865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372069110724575,0.0,0.0,0.08454026821480316,0.0,0.06384626688136003,0.0,0.0,0.058700764424115724,0.0,0.06623080730131824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493902597101504,0.0,0.0,0.07816385061823419,0.0,0.0,0.06665881295230311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019467634486846,0.1062808875321506,0.08148175137377937,0.0,0.14507758784118038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428435971524895,0.1126128172283256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582875909214476,0.0,0.0,0.07456718437481043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060376582179885965,0.0,0.0,0.05891358521209841,0.0,0.0,0.10681292124166646
suicidewatch,GetSame,2018/01/30,"Does anyone else feel like this is just pointless? I'm 20. I've been living with this mental illness since I was a child and it got continuingly worse and worse and worse. I've had 3 traumatic experiences, all of them were traumatizing me on a daily basis for years, 2 of them were co-existing. 

Going to therapy, trying to recover just made me realize how pointless all this is. Recovering from all of this to live a life worth living somehow will take decades. I am absolutely convinced of that. What is the point? In a few decades, when I'm old and fragile I can finally say ""I've made it. I am happy now."" Live for a few years more and then die. With my whole life lost. 

Is it worth struggling everyday for decades just to experience a few years of relative well-being? I don't think it is. I'm pissed off there is no option for assisted suicide in my country. 

I get that it's irrational to allow depressed people to kill themselves but this is WAY beyond depression. Sometimes I get a few minutes of hope. Where I feel sad but hopeful. Those are the moments that still keep me alive. But deep down in those moments I still know that they will pass just as quickly as they came and that there is no hope. 

Fuck all this. Fuck everyone whoever assisted in my trauma who helped it grow. Fuck those who decided to watch and do nothing. Fuck those who knew but decided it wasn't as bad and that I never needed help.

I wish there were guns in my country that I could kill myself with. Why does every way of suicide have to be painful? Why can't I just end this suffering? 

What I thought about was emigrating to some remote place up in the mountains where I could just dissociate in peace, do nothing, just sit there and meditate. That is the only option I see that would make my life durable. I think this is a dream coming closer and closer.  But then again, I'd probably get psychosis up there again lol",3.351771112600538,5.3221541528150205,4.267465650134049,85.22803493632709,74.49597855227881,7.5579423592493296,26.669654825737272,8.376592526197632,1.809340549597855,1501,56,298,27,32,484,186,373,0.224,0.6809999999999999,0.096,-0.9952,0,0,0,1,0,3,41.0,0,0,4,1,25,22,7,1,12,1,33,10,1,5,5,60,66,22,5,8,12,0,3,1,0,3,5,1,0,1,33,15,0,1,10,1,2,5,6,16,0,0,15,6,30,6,41,45,11,48,0,5,2,4,11,20,5,7,21,203,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060880165542751774,0.08921174171531494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072698376631199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995829166212962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500161333302167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903387291890487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998356329410525,0.0,0.09036312792826848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523880764617491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273437525785686,0.0,0.07711665250130463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335878079686227,0.08319747239801435,0.0,0.17033896910619345,0.0,0.0,0.08804867656140032,0.06220159635157652,0.0,0.0953790444505992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32197288600535273,0.13646874745900034,0.0,0.04948290979255107,0.0,0.06963645704409185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268580267460594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672006500615155,0.0,0.0,0.2594353422800401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739028746456637,0.19265630230272152,0.0,0.04785044944229707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449670241378488,0.042537163429537284,0.0,0.3075315442474124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504531244118594,0.0,0.0,0.1647722227828079,0.05811875273700005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087744347170553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456002609382039,0.06715242482562662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708872506359262,0.0,0.0913635129912432,0.0,0.0,0.06621935009154828,0.09264678827687063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060362182163873124,0.0,0.09096782065543496,0.0,0.08230766718800044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387433166045316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924019061198057,0.0,0.0,0.06938214608226544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202378063347313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611275486599601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906568113697676,0.0,0.0,0.09102267040029023,0.0,0.19047713228288965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546451048681287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957016581164982,0.0,0.0,0.1115796758241143,0.0,0.06912248839038397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911364654428448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382214953216923,0.0,0.0,0.07828483985082835,0.0,0.15713115948975565,0.09720862479880499,0.10012422460268937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661900461262787,0.06185080772508352,0.0,0.0,0.1682073522725309
suicidewatch,TrashMeme1488,2018/01/30,"Art from my friend who killed himself the other day, these where his last pictures Many of you may know me from the community, I have offered my counsel to many of you. While not suicidal myself I've seen the terrible side-effects it can have on family and loved ones so here I present to you his final collection of art and a small story. 
The final collection of fine arts made post 9/11 Germany by a recently deceased friend known by the Alias Créme. Most people won't be able to comprehend the complexity of the form of man. A few months after 9/11 Créme (Pronounced Sauce) decided to emerge from the shadows and bring light to this world of terror.

After his death I realized that once again his work was needed. Here is a collection I found. Most of them where destroyed in the fires of his own creation, but I managed to run away with the jpgs. 

He was very critical of his own work, so he probably wouldn't like me posting them here but they are all that I have left of him. So if there is any chance that he could get the recognition this art deserves.

https://imgur.com/a/cAfIL",6.236176142697886,6.939854579710147,5.783285024154591,81.96003344481608,66.0048309178744,9.461018208844298,30.41583054626533,9.466822959209583,2.524584838350055,866,30,167,16,13,266,129,207,0.083,0.848,0.068,-0.6381,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,3,2,10,9,2,1,15,0,14,1,0,1,1,22,22,10,3,4,4,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,3,25,5,28,12,7,23,0,0,1,1,23,8,0,4,12,117,34,3,0.1679648908130426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422188551439842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780854398495267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410629788665773,0.0,0.0,0.10832345918568982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834235056606666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679946556533736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416483321940744,0.2595385159744604,0.0,0.08775472295460204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858282656156786,0.0,0.09230911132946801,0.13691380398797484,0.0,0.0,0.1824943453270085,0.0,0.0,0.0820591614169055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159487174594036,0.15893244090845846,0.0,0.34058007230472503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406797336843956,0.0,0.0,0.12454383826246752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887712693487087,0.1138173569804586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644570653769612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217278712293372,0.0,0.18109456093351556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658450662424681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372632874454145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858862562715865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445608819281794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iammoussteryes,2018/01/30,"Scarification Hi.
It's been one month now since i'm cutting myself, just a little bit. I don't know why. It's the only moment where emotions come out. After a day, who is been shitty i just need to. But i don't want to. Life maybe is interesting, but it's hidden behind a pile of shit, and i can't see behind the pile. I'm sad. I don't know what to do. I'm crying for random reasons. ",-1.2198930481283412,0.7767955882352952,2.138930481283424,93.49064171122996,93.11764705882356,4.032085561497326,13.609625668449198,5.565023196281405,-1.0192352941176468,295,5,69,2,11,106,54,85,0.224,0.753,0.023,-0.9433,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,5,0,9,2,1,1,0,13,18,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,1,6,1,9,16,1,9,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,1,5,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27856943458031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979837815781475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802820839714797,0.16455756397928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28702148112992515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804593318503667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022757184326973,0.0,0.2557380877745488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563432524112483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366686284760066,0.0,0.0,0.18919845052186726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290351641335674,0.1940612355651639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26234773066748696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333006857168795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619188258493565,0.21107159524342767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050041141525286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302428739802801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aaron544,2018/01/30,"Why i feel like suicide is my only option Hello,
I`m not quite sure how i'm going to put this. Ive been dealing with a lot of negative stuff recently. Its like im pushing myself in this very dark, dangerous state of mind where nothing really matters and it feels like i dont have a reason to hold any longer. I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts and i once attempted suicide because it felt like that was literally the only option i had left. My mind is not a nice place to be in and some days its too much to deal with. Ive seen doctors , therapists , talked with friends about this stuff but it feels like no one understands and like im completely alone. Sorry if this sound chaotic , im not right in the head and im feeling very anxious. All i want to do at this point is to take my own life. help me please",1.315595475715238,3.614125952095812,2.7959980039920183,91.54140884896871,82.89221556886227,6.106320691949433,23.050232867598144,7.3871296695380915,0.9582204923486364,642,23,136,10,18,209,104,167,0.174,0.6859999999999999,0.14,-0.75,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,1,0,5,0,14,3,1,2,2,34,26,8,3,2,5,0,5,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,13,9,0,1,8,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,7,7,13,9,17,18,5,15,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,5,8,81,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223075235285344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712418999839018,0.0,0.0,0.11151088924380567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060170911544611565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349248119669913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365789203109007,0.3052879539046044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103086509240296,0.0,0.0,0.11568394675244885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963703445897865,0.21154904399245072,0.09477426313110564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626083468904843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609750057115986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130192717136872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616126598858646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264822799527162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072455165154648,0.0,0.06971972015135633,0.28933972069805797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839172181012595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933199779417984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256105122446545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471209240710687,0.0,0.0,0.10511980432356696,0.06688646278832303,0.15014234389836406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312787571646853,0.1083507177909636,0.0933100827426432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922786486116036,0.0,0.1049871152670096,0.0,0.0,0.06323427430944792,0.1014873039536188,0.09746132001429572,0.0,0.0,0.08429529542563692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049447962891802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259919512626241,0.3239085296871772,0.0,0.0930302419829332,0.0,0.07421542972756852,0.07933700105866065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460651199980633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836238507831793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275753727048527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288733452995752,0.058219985206593425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906777457285361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jessleahy,2018/01/30,Hello👋🏼 Who wants to chat? ,-5.5500000000000025,-6.6147595714285705,-0.7392857142857139,106.59678571428572,144.71428571428572,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-3.0926571428571425,21,0,6,0,2,8,7,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lunarpilot,2018/01/30,"World inside my head After the constant criticism I've received all my life, bullying, abuse, sexual harassment, I've gotten to the point where I'm always living in my head...
I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and its gone terribly wrong...
I've had it for as long as I remember, and I would always escape to this world inside my head when things got tough but now its constantly, I don't want my head feeling empty or all I'll feel is hurt and pain...
I snapped at my boyfriend of 5 years, I was sick of how he promised to help me with my depression and anxiety when all he did was become a lazy slob, sexually harrass me and snap at me whenever I'd ask him to do something for me...
Now I have an entire life in my head, even a lover, that now I don't want anything to do with my boyfriend...I feel like I'm going insane
I used to love him so much, I used to do anything for him and forgive him whenever he has done something wrong but
I feel pain when he says he loves me, or when he hugs or touches me, or anything at all
I don't believe him anymore
I don't care anymore
I put all my faith and hope into him because life was just unbearable and the only thing that kept me going was the prospect of living with him and becoming a better person, but now that I see its clear thats never gonna happen I want to escape
All I wanted was a normal university life and a new start I wanted to be a better responsible person
but its impossible
I hate how my parents expect so much of me and don't understand and will never understand the pain I'm going through
I hate how my boyfriend says he is sorry and genuinely looks like he is but always never ends up keeping his promises
I hate how people used to take advantage of my kindness in all the schools I've been to and bullied me, and I genuinely love being a nice person and I hate that I've become such a skeptical, sarcastic piece of shit of a person
I hate myself more than anything, I'm rotten to the core, and I live in my damn head and I hate waking up to THIS reality when I would much rather be OVER THERE more than anything

I've lost so much
my dads old personality
my happy mother
my loving and caring boyfriend
all of my friends
my grades
and now, I'm losing my mind too

I doubt there exists any help for me anymore
Just...god, I know one of these days I'm going to do it its inevitable
Please, PLEASE, let me reincarnate into that universe in my head
I don't need it to be perfect
I just want people who care about me
Any universe is fine
Please let me escape from this hell",4.299665954335843,4.7945574397705535,5.480628163311216,83.1668448430998,70.20458891013385,8.447396243392197,28.001855809245306,8.4952907291091,1.8488796985715887,2003,66,415,30,34,668,215,523,0.212,0.5920000000000001,0.196,-0.7855,1,0,2,0,1,0,41.0,0,0,0,6,27,49,11,1,17,0,35,23,9,7,13,82,89,43,0,13,12,3,5,2,2,4,8,2,0,5,21,25,0,2,9,0,0,7,9,24,0,1,14,10,74,25,52,65,15,47,2,4,2,6,38,17,3,6,25,273,95,2,0.0,0.06596764441830136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898212714525965,0.0,0.0,0.07572396889261565,0.0,0.042592432223355216,0.0,0.16564862341578926,0.0,0.0,0.22908541187103945,0.0,0.05205008763460962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033939927127267885,0.18447122894077886,0.0,0.06272844106518137,0.0,0.09848282312140354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029795554450494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033320961550015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03590678886439716,0.0,0.047954157802582255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381018564627422,0.0,0.0,0.056976473062184126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931292525705455,0.0,0.0,0.03677385678327205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126070093922049,0.03977536073292184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043015588522236935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656913664971975,0.0,0.04452964813693512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923461687910848,0.05926875598763349,0.0,0.329814583051916,0.3999816450261448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463767753079692,0.0,0.0,0.05529940779296468,0.0,0.0,0.059602931703445924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948790355361398,0.0,0.05797859157509817,0.030598392958311363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386615295852387,0.15730406341051684,0.054401530481692,0.0,0.14749032372161108,0.049272022320845835,0.04675430570145515,0.062287852843213386,0.06077756536911801,0.0,0.20100115316206366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621747540130989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371477364177325,0.041283479483295735,0.12882363531793908,0.053772789064257295,0.0,0.0,0.0545512283170397,0.0,0.0,0.058423206158785074,0.0,0.037727892341356664,0.04234454888430233,0.17773142365818542,0.0,0.06182225454178604,0.0,0.0,0.07719826213539104,0.2430732157834459,0.0,0.1833485003772622,0.05263236549402506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597034207941564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630707129970574,0.0,0.0,0.08855250412678492,0.0,0.05634767260369857,0.04436702674394371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057151210506298934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572510463652445,0.0,0.062325374342890434,0.03940817073809548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041861860025255285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739780931718789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592256913548807,0.0,0.1442600697290382,0.0,0.0,0.19703694072814984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910209168853374,0.12174720256885385,0.0,0.03585389286342114
suicidewatch,_phospholipid_,2018/01/30,"The world should be for people who can enjoy it I am in my second year of university, I have a loving family, lots of friends who care about me, I'm on track to doing what I feel called to do, I take good care of my body, and I am in almost constant emotional pain. I subscribe heavily to Buddhist practices and have tried to use these as well as other techniques such as CBT to analyze my cognitive behaviors and improve the way that I interact with the world, but after many years of trying to figure out what it is that triggers me, it still feels just about random whether I will wake up ready for the day or wishing I were dead, and recently it's been more of the latter. 

I want nothing more but to offer kindness and love to the world, but I can't do this if I am constantly tired and angry. I have made an appointment to get medication, but I feel that in a year or so from now, if I have not found a medical way to treat my depression, I will kill myself. I have already written a document on my computer that I will ask my boyfriend to send to my parents if/when I die explaining that I don't want anyone to be sad about my passing, I was extremely lucky to be alive for the time I was, and who I want to have my possessions. 

The world is a truly amazing place and I feel full of wisdom and love from what I have learned while trying to get through my depression, and I hope that more people can come to realize that, but I am a broken seed and there is no point in trying to keep living if I cannot share what I've learned. Many Buddhist teachings suggest that suicide is not a solution because it doesn't solve anything, but I think if I die in peace it won't matter who or what I am reborn as or if I am reborn at all, because I am unable to find happiness or improvement within the body I possess currently. ",15.27882352941176,5.889875491978611,14.045732620320859,60.97506951871661,58.7860962566845,17.63379679144385,51.571122994652406,12.161744961471696,5.904215828877004,1430,53,298,25,10,477,182,374,0.158,0.645,0.196,0.8576,2,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,0,10,22,1,0,17,0,39,10,3,3,1,62,66,34,5,11,20,1,4,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,26,14,0,1,12,0,0,3,8,5,1,1,7,4,47,17,51,51,6,36,0,3,0,3,17,18,0,15,13,226,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270688002457108,0.0,0.11318616653355693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171782145275322,0.0,0.08440459639099653,0.0,0.0958870886416014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504881159039133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785950517676545,0.0,0.0,0.1047332366523972,0.0,0.209149505804374,0.0,0.0,0.08835311575998969,0.0,0.22167880326982667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614777425247535,0.0,0.17668306774923004,0.0,0.21289845771266716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537501941742308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669183516283207,0.0,0.2074455352900574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374515138242934,0.0,0.0,0.112460347044119,0.07924366196186368,0.0,0.10717493047630408,0.0,0.0,0.08602904137690756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918537734189694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187301228185217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911670125907175,0.1134761228646103,0.10680862611996902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056928551687908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719951323783723,0.27771445159152003,0.09705217412403704,0.0,0.20797539062231915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665262459879116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841661273460188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913941774921314,0.0,0.11388945284561272,0.0,0.0,0.14221525727906373,0.0,0.10716156668679247,0.0,0.09695976558139363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127337222390737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191081283265847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219257406834636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711825407715414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572133302504332,0.0,0.0,0.05980813475421212,0.1178866485141644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785473337983655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858568558460429,0.0,0.0,0.1814915157674716,0.1628271610965404,0.0,0.0,0.09222080979619683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794795889818255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815098644648768
suicidewatch,cskeeyyy,2018/01/30,"My online friend said they were going to kill themselves and I don't know what to do My friend sent me a receipt for a thick rope they bought off amazon and told me it came in the mail today. They said they were going to hang themselves, and went offline. I don't know where they live, or anyone that knows them in real life. Is there anything I can do? ",2.5255251141552506,4.0785802054794535,2.8947260273972617,95.97898401826487,75.71232876712328,4.866666666666667,19.015981735159816,3.1291,-0.684842922374429,277,5,61,0,6,85,49,73,0.08199999999999999,0.81,0.108,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,6,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,9,20,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,6,2,1,0,0,9,3,13,2,7,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,1,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057973076045975,0.0,0.18898604403844696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26266350948339195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35486091586571605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610358319788765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540786221364012,0.0,0.378636238241596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622117293083121,0.0,0.0,0.20278908629494244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613970411878088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369079434602299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768556525219154,0.21944466803793886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289197541396504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zei33,2018/01/30,"My thoughts I've tried so hard. I tried everything I could. I've seen the psychologists, I've tried the medication, I meditated, I exercise, I tried to change, I've put in so much hard work and fought the pain as much as I could. Everything I've done has been for naught. I feel immense despair at the many years of pain I've endured and the futility of it all. How can I keep living when I have such incredible fear and emotional anguish to look forward to? The professionals have let me down time and again. I just want the feelings to end and I can only find one way to do it. It's a solution that's been with me for so long it upsets me.

I'll keep trying for a bit longer, but it's so, so hard when there is so little hope.

Edit: Thank you to those who private messaged me.",1.6179629629629633,3.4909265987654337,3.4812592592592613,89.3396666666667,79.30864197530866,7.03604938271605,23.14567901234568,8.021203637495839,1.0805130864197534,607,20,137,11,15,204,92,162,0.125,0.805,0.07,-0.6614,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,13,9,1,3,9,0,13,4,0,1,1,20,24,17,0,4,2,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,7,0,1,6,7,17,2,17,15,4,14,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,1,8,87,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583018632483355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130549316930774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329882678757756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669442794505618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025480500208907,0.11830851834148234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400986461284595,0.0,0.0,0.15030992009942054,0.1350798838905961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208586843133505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35897306057277883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326709167432962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23745663088265784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365903135490871,0.0,0.0,0.13387805107443454,0.11794988554049285,0.11821038654837855,0.11217003665448884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542490359256584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345635735059831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638717637622308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051442435803027,0.10159042101489617,0.2842681546621373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428058075979374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297865737864393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604427085841538,0.07788912773674248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534460268680666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878647229088978,0.10602625881729566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097244778984026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601844079081034
suicidewatch,goingtojail101,2018/01/30,"Depressed and going to jail, easier to just end it? I've been depressed and anxious for too long. I've let down my family and the love of my life. I figured when I was younger everything would just fall into place, and now I'm 23 going nowhere. 

I've had and do have opportunity to work with my father doing a good job, but my depression leaves me skipping and staying at work not wanting to face the day ahead of me. 

I turned to drugs, and selling drugs, specifically benzos to keep my habit going. Recently I was arrested with a lot, and am now on home confinement awaiting trial. I'm facing 12-18 months in prison, and although I've been before for 30 days a few times I just can't come to terms with this. 

The thought of suicide makes everything seem so much easier, but I'm too afraid to do it. Sometimes I think I just have to push past the feelings and just let it happen, reminds me of tripping on DMT. Getting past that fight or flight response. 
I'm also afraid of leaving behind what could be a decent life, but I just can't see that happening although I know there's a chance. 
I don't want to traumatized my girlfriend or family, but I just want to be at peace. 

I just really can't come to terms with having to face my anxiety every single morning and day and night while serving time in prison. 

Idk where else to turn. Nobody takes me seriously when I say I'm thinking about suicide, because I'm always the kind of person to make jokes and seem happy when really I'm a mess inside. 
I wish there was a way out of all of this and to start over.. I just don't know what to do. ",4.8433900928792575,5.0855998637770945,5.6868281733746135,83.05575309597525,68.93808049535605,8.689102167182662,28.533900928792573,8.548686976883017,1.897849659442724,1248,40,258,18,20,410,167,323,0.152,0.75,0.098,-0.9615,1,0,2,0,1,2,32.0,0,0,0,4,23,14,1,2,12,0,25,8,3,2,1,59,61,28,2,6,16,1,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,1,9,22,0,2,9,1,1,8,6,8,0,0,7,3,26,6,44,48,7,44,0,3,1,1,6,12,0,5,22,166,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008735482411103,0.08333015503844772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661202314727608,0.11313737134852753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104855597481726,0.0,0.08521754536846922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725351905203615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995906583480603,0.0,0.0,0.19375919120076368,0.0,0.2587688602740813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23227697262295605,0.0,0.0836597956684795,0.0,0.0887003341683254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437799307682002,0.0,0.18001096153944135,0.0,0.1888189687265939,0.0,0.05063722802246172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232256635682051,0.0,0.17074719241007494,0.08399837921149131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771189580444388,0.10660812422787584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045539965724032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938023994803903,0.08901507180143317,0.0,0.10428747474445074,0.11007611762101592,0.0,0.0,0.21208198916877646,0.0,0.2048137636377159,0.1414732843145645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862676108193343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085141222810085,0.09038639140122426,0.0,0.13369752503536042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993621535929826,0.0,0.07361941648472592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398098185647062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191202893066284,0.0,0.08744431750893429,0.10463208436809247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283132010338635,0.0,0.09888287708357202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964075003200279,0.0,0.0,0.07980402861377313,0.1823397596597519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904773982039372,0.0,0.07088441610815684,0.10674315724160688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190886758813968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529792551936704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283400434403571,0.0,0.07950536777603939,0.11679280165418185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786190756892526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720752110108473,0.07949186347314753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516387048118785,0.0,0.0,0.14581611726572785,0.0,0.0,0.07114140896744628,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nate300,2018/01/30,This subreddit is fucked I just realized that this is a sr where people who want to kill themselves tell other people who want to kill themselves to not kill themself. I’m not innocent either though. I’ve posted about killing myself and commented on posts by people who want to kill them selves.,5.997727272727275,7.704925454545452,5.434318181818185,80.5914772727273,67.18181818181819,8.40909090909091,28.29545454545455,8.841846274778883,2.2801818181818176,240,8,41,4,4,73,37,55,0.398,0.55,0.052000000000000005,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,6,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,2,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,7,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,0,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888291298054267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8310224130927959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124465216977861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877528572118949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313054659656749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759776659280027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658242343526361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chasinghorizonsmx,2018/01/30,"I am having trouble Today, for the third time in my life, I have to admit that depression has won over myself.  on sunday i tried to kill myself. Hang myself but the piece that i was hanging from, it broke. Scared, i called my gf, when she came and saw what was happening, she got scared and left me. i can't do this anymore, i can't stop thinking that i ruined my life and i don't know what will be of me. tried to contact friends but they rejected me, scared that they couldnt help. my best friend ignored me, left me on seen. i have nobody and i miss her",0.82221264367816,2.883753922413792,2.1162068965517267,97.10781609195404,83.05172413793103,4.901149425287357,18.287356321839077,5.985473137389443,-0.4027850574712644,429,10,98,3,12,137,72,116,0.307,0.59,0.103,-0.9829,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,2,1,15,1,3,2,0,14,2,0,0,0,13,24,7,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,11,0,1,7,2,28,4,10,14,2,14,0,5,2,0,12,6,0,0,5,72,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842944183149953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881192163025629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837154995411892,0.2057772593836866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496235526335478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780070473925088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389615980235912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910011856500028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059465572489166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990516407629046,0.0,0.0988777461093947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39096096330598573,0.0,0.2541615709209387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403852837507361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041877181690053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528362832213045,0.0,0.0,0.104911121857756,0.0,0.17054039639189775,0.0,0.0,0.2443038342473578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImTrashWhatAreYou,2018/01/30,"Is it bad? Is it bad that I'm in class right now typing up a playlist I'd want to listen to when dying, what things I want to go to people I know, and small letters to just say goodbye? 

I dont exactly have a plan. I dont know exactly why I'm writing this, maybe I subconsciously know something will happen. Probably at my hands. I dont feel at ease either I'm just here empty. Not knowing what I'm doing. I posted not to long ago about how I just have a knife and want to use it but dont have it on me. I could down some pills but all I really have is Excedrin Extra Strength and Tylenol pm lol. And those two together (im talking 18 Excedrin 6 Tylenol) Just give me a mad stomach ache and sleeplessness. I'm not exactly sure what to do right now. ",0.3315052977712796,2.3301868198757805,2.5420387285348944,93.70558275484107,84.52795031055899,5.775812933869201,21.89294848374132,7.048011613610866,0.5595382535622941,582,20,134,8,17,197,91,161,0.138,0.7879999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.8723,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,1,0,4,1,15,5,2,2,5,33,33,9,1,4,10,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,0,4,13,2,15,31,4,16,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,5,82,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228410832158954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314137727328387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064329961947864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382214100807406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6496497870848078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006922771664324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329366964046872,0.07875710140670933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225441151581724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968807802672746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046354965690323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263721665972488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922028102114534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607257377831188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327194688591361,0.0,0.1494105801187609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877664964505022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668980123362185,0.0,0.11020283035716966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668415599047973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060817553620802,0.0,0.0,0.11138379025915933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206510117765833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537062221137466,0.0,0.0,0.11968694466204978,0.0,0.0,0.24521077938203714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504513895776806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pirate_ship123,2018/01/30,"I’ve realized one of my major issues is no one listens to me with compassion... After extreme self harm to the point of hospitalization I feel like no one has a heart anymore. I feel like most of society is oblivious to the suffering of the world and especially their own. 

Most people try to bury their suffering, I am trying to let it all out and it has made me extremely compassionate. But now I feel like I have no one to listen to me with any form of compassion and I feel so extremely alone. ",4.41,5.605222857142858,6.125102040816326,76.08418367346937,70.42857142857143,10.497959183673473,29.306122448979593,10.608840637214634,3.2511061224489786,392,15,77,12,7,135,57,98,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.126,-0.5965,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,1,1,16,14,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,1,6,12,4,16,12,6,5,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,5,59,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088664047839013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253351934592137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827831844675448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727649650020341,0.39500722996495613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840487984138574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236879743929125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884665650548688,0.0,0.2701295156782949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439589741053318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995652240170359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777538289330032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422984579068895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227257067731826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502649357807948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HoratiOTFH,2018/01/30,"Need to get this off of my chest... I am struggling to keep the motivation to even keep going.  Yesterday was okay, but today I don't want to keep going.  I am stuck between wanting to die and just pushing through.  Like, death would be great, but I know that everyone around me would suffer greatly from my loss, so I don't want to die.  Fuck, I hate this feeling and I hope it passes soon.  I don't know how many more days I can take this shitty feeling.",2.1872826086956536,3.9314759891304414,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,77.15217391304348,5.9043478260869575,23.45652173913044,6.6274283507984215,0.5282347826086955,349,11,76,3,8,112,61,92,0.368,0.479,0.152,-0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,2,1,1,1,10,2,1,2,0,22,29,6,3,7,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,5,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,2,2,12,5,12,24,1,10,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,5,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053161487280095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905316607789628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35099065885499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168655393429787,0.0,0.0,0.1615788226987311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710004052876968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563268641527242,0.08834587123074666,0.0,0.19220272148985956,0.0,0.0,0.3728586775403624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669476517672102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795084419356185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509018546988735,0.0,0.0,0.18586187930094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261194228362387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143717282975993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538281162839535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677623488144034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271394217651787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028358158092018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992122506673542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402424113890051,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vaynous,2018/01/30,"Pen pal What is the best way to setup a ""pen pal""? My brother has been severely suicidal lately and I'm looking for additional support that might help him. 

Thanks",3.3363440860215086,5.803677903225813,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,76.41935483870971,8.004301075268819,29.68817204301075,8.841846274778883,2.8095075268817213,129,6,23,3,3,43,29,31,0.174,0.535,0.29100000000000004,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33367175369960045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131169997905261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586645066539678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26700019850622536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372975803451947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591960613890492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34778865963357003,0.3608089681310041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927281376689555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25237606223031833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alithetrans,2018/01/30,"Tide pods ? Tide pod suicide ? A better way than over dose ? Well at least if it doesn’t work I can just say that I’m doing the tide pod challenge so I won’t get locked away... 
wtf is wrong with me ... 
well these are the stuff I think on a daily basis ",-1.1750793650793625,0.8344002222222251,0.5296825396825398,105.005,93.07407407407408,3.085714285714286,11.417989417989418,3.1291,-2.011467724867725,188,2,48,0,7,60,44,54,0.198,0.6629999999999999,0.139,-0.7608,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,6,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,30,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822943930440836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26573464905506844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569792460386886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389398258625319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439576575837734,0.32865718895488644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252422672128325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384931333284729,0.0,0.0,0.5403037119425996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218740265840182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285085573571403,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drapsi,2018/01/30,"Is this even depression? I cry for everything, when people are telling off for something bad that i've done; with soft words or strong language, i start blaming myself for everything and start crying really fast. Question is if this behavior is related to depression or is just some strange behavior? I would also like to ask if depression is strongly related to suicidal thoughts to the point of having suicidal thoughts must mean you have depression? ",10.601923076923079,10.498117782051283,9.261153846153846,63.39634615384618,57.07692307692307,14.466666666666667,46.42307692307693,13.427899808715575,6.796553846153849,369,21,55,13,4,114,54,78,0.365,0.561,0.07400000000000001,-0.9863,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,4,8,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,1,15,17,7,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,5,3,10,12,1,6,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,6,5,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276333209294438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492059269023335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326064758591302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35062966907956217,0.0,0.0,0.549858406693437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633278225110288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054153342764669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868792067791497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797326718648166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738529027055906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064763558151423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508750750570624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178790289225763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224485502740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286908896179505,0.0,0.0,0.2259336308434268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491564347728799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949881025160274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534116439045553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337637885601964,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluecarredhouse,2018/01/30,"I think it's time to give up. I'm honestly not that depressed atm. It's almost like I just feel bored. I've dealt with depression for a long time and have been making some progress with exercising more and being more healthy. However it doesn't change the fact that life is pretty awful. I'm in my mid 30's and none of my career aspects really panned out. Any business of my own I've attempted to start has failed. My current job is alright but as a single man living alone, it always feels like I'm just above the poverty line. Speaking of being alone I don't really have any family, my town really doesn't have a social scene to speak of (even worse for the shift I work), and all the friends i had are getting older and retracting more and more into their own family lives. I'm not incapable of finding a relationship of my own, I'm just not ready for another one right now. I've never had what I'd call a healthy relationship, but my last one was probably the worst. Seriously that woman fucked me up, she came back (now sober) a few weeks back apologized for some of the things she did. Shes married to another dude now (it didn't take her long) she tried to sleep with me afterward, i declined, made me sick to my stomach. First time speaking with her in months, i intend for it to be the last. Given my previous relationship experience I don't see a future one being that much better. I'm getting arthritis. things i do are starting to consistently hurt. Basically, life just isn't good. The perceivable future doesn't look like anything I actually want to have to experience. It's just waiting. wait for time to leave for work. wait for work to end. wait to fall asleep. wake up. wake for the alarm to go off. rinse. repeat. The only reason I can come up with not to quit living is that I'm not supposed to. ",2.538363665908353,4.6960439640884015,3.9479883002924936,85.72105297367567,77.59116022099448,7.352746181345466,23.3542411439714,8.313332769828598,1.4303816054598641,1433,46,290,28,34,472,180,362,0.14300000000000002,0.758,0.099,-0.968,3,2,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,1,9,11,17,1,1,17,2,29,10,5,4,3,47,59,9,0,1,12,0,2,3,1,0,4,3,0,2,15,15,0,4,6,1,1,4,14,9,0,4,9,7,30,8,47,46,15,42,0,4,2,1,20,12,1,3,29,181,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.09372291558934144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961719617703756,0.1989406228750896,0.0,0.0,0.07991444831385189,0.0,0.0,0.1306233971767584,0.20141634462188535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903419532768348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770038921418854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494114286269278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806938764971124,0.10984620171075696,0.0,0.0,0.1015994604270128,0.08273148273154145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544127553077814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850645035647119,0.0,0.0,0.06343468482396199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789456459482612,0.18107927088356093,0.0,0.09712321163186764,0.06861226133343817,0.0,0.0,0.08778043995448223,0.08169308247002081,0.0,0.0,0.07420163505032679,0.08878907091072047,0.10035572411550164,0.09213201942774532,0.054582752491358064,0.08055528194861616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281470364871012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530663953620924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657372592617266,0.0,0.10169436954669801,0.0,0.0,0.13567428816051968,0.14076347609059114,0.0,0.25441993356868803,0.16998789248474205,0.08065090000796707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087704715940922,0.06410862879829378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665962637160803,0.0,0.07060175336107426,0.0,0.0740733355984549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952411715081506,0.07304409565521687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770901008696677,0.10354927452317088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215224687473773,0.0,0.0,0.18458045590952832,0.09874693767664,0.0,0.3093387625161583,0.0,0.0820191487955328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653285796660304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611113253653124,0.09790249205176874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595772154076127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221146023646974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761177191429415,0.06153968970404412,0.0,0.0,0.22401091914245727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520605905584838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664792566918302,0.0,0.07703891660243062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975866229665746,0.0,0.09787477106935104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I-am-here-,2018/01/30,"Took every pill I got in my house, now its just waiting So often have I thought about it, planned only to throw the plans out of the window in the end. Now, I dont even know what changed for me but I feel like I am ready to die. Im not even that depressed,  I have friends, a good family, the only real fuck up is myself. My life wont go anywhere, my current situation is shit and there is no way it will change, except for getting worse.

So now I sit here, waiting for everything to take its course, hoping that I dont fuck up this too.",2.717105263157894,3.372883473684212,4.044692982456141,91.44493421052631,73.91228070175438,6.752631578947369,24.77631578947368,6.6274283507984215,0.6283894736842104,412,12,96,3,8,136,79,114,0.194,0.647,0.158,-0.7874,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,13,8,3,0,5,0,10,5,1,0,0,14,23,4,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,3,1,13,4,14,18,0,15,0,1,0,2,1,5,3,2,6,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432386834063446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972969284380332,0.0,0.168370611185746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38026805518775536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368889404260626,0.0,0.0,0.21430465880194946,0.0,0.1366869766661202,0.0,0.14580314844171674,0.0,0.15293735387232735,0.0,0.08202908546120262,0.1158981659284477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533960030018376,0.2999606855408604,0.08475922626193592,0.0,0.09219986023098488,0.13607202637327453,0.12975129460581478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113241519464433,0.0,0.18719328848378894,0.0,0.0,0.17523778333382525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915815114885849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458885668434199,0.0792580820179715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24676862571838845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465488419428372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652823145330428,0.0,0.1823549244262808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219778453263594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287936339057137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024508787570054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877175779481126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532768687622634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Greentea12,2018/01/30,"idk what to do What’s the point of even living my life, I’m failing at everything and I’m a disappointment to everyone around me. Im a junior in high school and first semester of school I didn’t do well. I stayed home a lot and didn’t do a lot of my make up work and this causes me to failed my math and AP psych class. I grew to hate myself more and more. My mom started saying how easy school is and saying how t is my fault that I’m lazy. And it is easy but I can’t bring myself to pick up the pen to even start my homework because I know that I don’t have a future anymore. Second semester started and it’s only 3 weeks in and I’ve stayed home 4 times. I hate myself so much for doing this I can’t even pick up a pen and do a simple thing. I don’t know what to do anymore I just wanna die now. ",0.35995165745856283,1.7246719116022151,2.708062845303868,95.79590642265194,81.26519337016575,5.629972375690607,17.942334254143642,6.322622252153567,-0.3894063535911601,620,12,155,5,16,213,90,181,0.145,0.8220000000000001,0.033,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,10,7,2,0,9,0,16,1,0,6,0,25,28,15,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,10,12,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,6,1,2,2,2,21,1,19,26,5,21,0,3,0,0,3,9,0,2,8,103,31,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636898103723126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834850761236372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104153928682442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657029587703184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797507153719482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634251347730721,0.0,0.0,0.1270338629152164,0.1194816583186294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308225313124963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625097120326972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046282722214304,0.2667077079187297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360252968869006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612529106183125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390240723748076,0.0,0.0,0.11739214818671274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604877848832455,0.0,0.0,0.08874127368527643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570261896474138,0.0,0.0,0.0977292703824329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111004095919188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567522316556878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144509872479544,0.0,0.4036398286222266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282295728430782,0.2834016180419984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832220708182457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752082152098769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663980357688503,0.0,0.1195327853997058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967849477137289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kokiie,2018/01/30,"Do you know that feeling? I'm a perfectly healthy young woman, with her own business and soon to be back at college. I've never lacked anything in my entire life - a loving home with four siblings and many cousins. I was always surrounded by people, my whole life. Every minute of the day. It changed sometime in high school, something inside of me. Up until this day, at those moments when everything is just perfect and everyone is happy i just see death and my face falls and i go to this dark place with myself until i cry myself to sleep. It's almost as if I don't want myself to be happy, because i've always thought that i don't deserve it. I had straight A's, got into a great college on a scholarship, met beautiful people and made great friends. And yet, i was there - alone in my own mind and poisoning myself. Then came the drugs, as it usually goes, and pills and alcohol. And even to this day I still don't know why i felt the way I did, so empty. I had relationships and I laughed but those thoughts in my head could never go away. After a debacle with my studies in my fourth semester i went back home, started my own business. It's been a year now since i haven't cried or shed a tear even but everyday i wake up and stretch with a smile - it falls down in an instant and i feel like dying. I don't know what is going on with me. It scares me, the way i am thinking. And i feel like i do not belong, like this life was not meant for me at all. And that idea of killing myself is still so damn active in my brain. As if, everything is perfectly fine and then i say to myself out-loud ""don't forget your promise. even if things go perfectly from now on, you will do it. i know you will.""

Whole my life I feel I have never been true to myself because I was considerate of others. And now, after all these years, I feel that me emerging from the inside and I am scared. Because I know myself, I've done some pretty awful things without even second guessing them. What if one day I wake up with a smile and say ""today is the day""? 

I apologize if this made no sense at all, I feel the same about it myself. I'm like a broken record spewing nonsense. ",2.632633838383839,4.188668834090913,3.792575757575758,89.64080808080809,75.43181818181819,6.525252525252526,24.267676767676768,7.1686216300943375,0.8841464646464638,1677,53,355,18,36,545,202,440,0.104,0.7240000000000001,0.172,0.9808,0,1,3,0,0,1,56.0,0,4,1,4,20,23,3,2,19,1,33,15,6,2,11,82,66,38,3,8,13,1,7,4,1,2,8,2,2,1,26,29,1,0,18,0,1,8,13,5,0,3,20,10,62,18,51,41,11,67,0,0,1,1,15,25,1,9,36,260,88,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481709452844839,0.07947262631928627,0.0821982493152604,0.0,0.0,0.13207614717317756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531066805852825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456607044674263,0.12205363832817345,0.0,0.14514058074030434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859763559642479,0.0,0.09077246611642907,0.0,0.0,0.08395769207698846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336652885234065,0.0,0.17435754610558887,0.25591943518106275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236838452157931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121799395512724,0.0,0.0,0.09203825315978063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967944959814006,0.0,0.06686847172340889,0.0758366997116679,0.14265636634240533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077610239596844,0.17009520775585973,0.0762028873917729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131723535716791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041993164623155,0.0,0.0634754750309373,0.17500048020674264,0.08742954257121091,0.0,0.0,0.16897112814539672,0.0,0.0,0.08145143094524142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385352538485707,0.1592192183411687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959347321372332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780566118280599,0.0,0.21808476031961987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423150792869667,0.15509500452895736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163004993601957,0.1501942453278434,0.0,0.08046369677757229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013606901102689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836336416104731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377980712803593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004345566661458,0.0,0.08291957795866561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074278099067371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520835465612747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622853536460896,0.15891650679637506,0.0803216606250434,0.06324366385339153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565158371482092,0.0,0.07942235949638267,0.0,0.0,0.06109908753542105,0.07849405689724859,0.0,0.056174985933159984,0.0,0.1267620517379464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545321605793298,0.050853914941775095,0.0,0.1260139579795674,0.0,0.0,0.07522878086398092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740938226832455,0.0,0.04681155864553084,0.12599255400767514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357218999598299,0.07161460687509537,0.17721647246646674,0.0,0.07650506931490209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022169712284922
suicidewatch,nikolekoleta,2018/01/30,"21 is a good enough age for me to die I’m turning 21 in a few days. I can’t imagine my whole life ahead of me. I think this year, this is it. ",-2.924999999999997,-1.5426544285714283,0.2967857142857149,108.5194642857143,93.28571428571428,3.5,14.464285714285715,3.1291,-1.754,105,2,33,0,4,37,28,35,0.115,0.799,0.086,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434436853650837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917651481083251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900382490550054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166127223159882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662563076985113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187425351086256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41059037264682813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214434821461827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430850568765461
suicidewatch,weakenedmind,2018/01/30,"I don’t know how much longer I can persevere. I’m just tired of existing. I’ve tried everything I can to stop feeling this way and nothing lasts. I’ve been on SSRI’s for almost ten years. I finished a degree, and almost have a Masters in a scientific field but I can’t find any stupid job to make use of these qualifications. I’ve tried networking. I’ve tried volunteering. I traveled overseas alone. I bought a cat. I always end up in the same place mentally.

I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel lasting happiness. I can’t form lasting friendships. I see people around me thrive and succeed and I hate myself for being unable to do the same. I’m tired of trying and failing to be a normal person.

It’s just constant despair or emptiness. I’m sick of enduring this in the hopes that it gets better. You can only motivate yourself for so long before you start to crack from not seeing results. I’m so tired and I don’t know how much more I can take.",1.4056676136363642,3.869027473958333,3.2396780303030326,87.3799431818182,84.15625,5.782575757575757,23.310606060606066,7.1686216300943375,1.0636270833333334,753,28,148,11,22,251,112,192,0.194,0.684,0.123,-0.936,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,6,7,8,2,0,8,0,15,4,0,6,0,31,34,12,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,7,1,1,1,7,4,0,1,2,5,19,4,19,30,6,19,0,2,2,0,3,7,0,4,10,89,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559790257666063,0.13237908921562072,0.0,0.0,0.1063533604154726,0.0,0.0,0.08691943404322554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518188435488472,0.1137835624764746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876221593627222,0.0,0.0,0.1130430875966174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138123960343606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132072609780242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487300523146016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388321165952047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682173830748445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677871600073136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606277648221646,0.0,0.12619208650094269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269503777623243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126837907267703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404889383090957,0.312561913202871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311336045701458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531834040259355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880871883430248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879193031949672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523278853499847,0.12264314056188748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972100189058678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861169524070067,0.11160422072924,0.13354077854154406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370600807957906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046900069624028,0.0,0.0,0.10686010950803136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610191421825333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407179357944698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471153788262933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039220297310656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145459110398272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230947536187341
suicidewatch,ultravioletous,2018/01/30,"I've been extremely suicidal for too long 3 long, painful years I've suffered. All this time I've been in thearpy regularly and on medication, but in the end, I feel like depression will beat me. I'll never be that happy, carefree person I once was. Sure, thearpy and meds do help with mood swings but they never make suicidal tendencies go away. It stays with you like deep-healed-white self harm scars. It's pain in the fucking ass. It makes everything so hard. I will never not be suicidal. I've been so deeply depressed and suicidal that it's part of me now. 
So I may not commit suicide tonight, but that doesn't mean I won't in the future. I'm VERY sure that I'm going to finally kill myself one day. After researching the right way to commit suicide,and long hours of carefully planning. At the end of the day,you don't wanna wake up after a failed suicide attempt in a coma.
One day, when it gets too much and overwhelming I will kill myself.",3.6103174603174617,5.245961883597887,4.495428571428572,85.27457142857145,73.02116402116404,8.002962962962963,26.885714285714286,8.648137234880735,1.905370793650793,752,27,151,14,15,243,111,189,0.32299999999999995,0.547,0.13,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,7,25.0,0,1,1,4,7,18,3,1,8,0,14,7,2,2,8,25,25,11,8,1,5,0,2,2,0,5,4,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,11,0,2,4,2,12,6,20,14,3,34,0,5,0,2,5,10,2,1,22,88,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151042076341576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930569864229764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844465093556084,0.0,0.16778079789022152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725348191910888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875367578736595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492483205565713,0.0695825144882604,0.0,0.10669683949666096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004464643746496,0.050887432446739586,0.0,0.11070922579221557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368401432993693,0.08725118721886635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528510593567258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959192906987478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551713673814785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516935140685534,0.0,0.0,0.2585875635442135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003039122996504,0.0,0.0,0.1060970547195353,0.10818934171917943,0.09812016137988044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160014013048363,0.0,0.22536244312478415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372772435136204,0.13200139820635814,0.0,0.2072807408712993,0.0,0.0,0.10547460995160404,0.0,0.0,0.08504584369468883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317899014645351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160934727222456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038153435792986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392381511485374,0.0,0.18359652320210407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679467023761438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803651255116711,0.0,0.07731151421298615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272234804811218
suicidewatch,Disposablename01,2018/01/30,"I believe i'll do it soon. Going to vent here for more context. 

I was born to a danish man and russian mother, who divorced a year after i was born. I was constantly staying at different houses while my parents were fighting a legal battle over who should stay where. My mentally disabled brother was given love and sympathy where i was yelled at for fighting with him, this was the case until i was about 7 years old. 

One of the most vivid moments in my life is when i was forced to visit my mother in an indoors playground. Through most of the day with her i was running away from her and screaming/crying. I went to the staff, who called my father. When he arrived my mother took my outdoor clothes and denied my access to the outside, due to it being ''my time with him''. 

At around 9 years old i moved to my father's house with his new wife. I remember telling him i wanted to die somewhere around that time. A psychologist said i was simply searching for attention however i could get it. 

I had been introduced with my step-grandparents who gave me the attention and care that i needed, while my father did not have time for it. Around age 9 they died of cancer and suicide. I remember the funeral as one of the moments where i cried the most. At this time i also found out i was going to be aborted. The only reason i wasn't thrown in the trash can was because my father threatened to divorce. 

I moved to a new school when i was starting 4th grade. Met my longterm bullies on the first day, and they got to work instantly (4-5 years of daily bullying).

It was around this time that i think i developed clinical depression.

During this time i began gaining weight and buried myself in my room playing games. Whenever i was outside of my room and made a mistake i would be scolded, being laughed at when i left.

From 9th grade to 10th grade i went to a therapist regarding my depression and investigating if i had autism(which i do, was revealed after a few months of investigation and tests). During this time the inkling of a relationship i had with my mother deteriorated even further as she said i never had a real connection to my step-grandparents, and one of my friends who had attempted suicide.

Today i'm in the first year of high school, miserable as ever. I've adopted a nihilistic outlook on life, and i doubt i'll reach 30 at this pace. 

A considerable amount of details have been omitted, so as to not create a wall of text. ",5.417425492736819,6.251852976744188,6.0274527722839775,79.02502011866603,67.8583509513742,8.809356884675713,32.171383755029666,8.933256019334266,2.6901018754688675,1930,80,360,32,31,628,231,473,0.128,0.8220000000000001,0.05,-0.9896,5,0,0,0,6,2,47.0,0,0,2,5,18,13,3,2,28,0,39,6,0,2,2,50,61,27,5,7,3,11,1,0,1,2,4,3,2,1,19,24,1,0,9,2,0,9,4,8,0,5,38,5,66,5,69,16,6,83,0,3,1,1,42,29,0,5,43,263,85,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767509783283535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30133906336307303,0.0,0.0,0.07950857930173913,0.0,0.0,0.05158700780195162,0.0,0.0,0.09534412276430436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641224538796037,0.0,0.08628148520952131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914502585699628,0.0,0.06756669158167174,0.0,0.18591459491343548,0.10915308040260926,0.0,0.14577588828765214,0.0,0.17565611794891678,0.08841578750622373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589444048223613,0.07654874092605786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396506102623974,0.0,0.09278765190313792,0.06538156350133588,0.0,0.04421340678362394,0.0,0.09618940864769282,0.0,0.06768285910704455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941164034591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529326483752613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194601104066304,0.0,0.11954719166025292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637794873196697,0.0800748315806909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528274612282281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754738256380105,0.179887336269682,0.0,0.06274884357325147,0.06526851452668646,0.16346395079687026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776007579878906,0.0,0.17203358179880346,0.06436161649591818,0.0,0.0,0.0939667641424922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963225110648664,0.0,0.08700925757079067,0.0,0.09085627260170816,0.19172871828825067,0.0,0.16099673518507582,0.0,0.0,0.17129134163010248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059898467185967176,0.18039935580783265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513344093961914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396654386639483,0.0,0.0,0.09825689651228033,0.0,0.05422469636293743,0.0,0.0,0.3454212595005505,0.0,0.08021521656245831,0.0,0.09402220551625376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499143980701586,0.0,0.0,0.1030512374818988,0.0,0.15689764171966686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061608477538275724,0.0,0.0,0.060115630269114935,0.0,0.0,0.27248070450181505
suicidewatch,Roachie10,2018/01/30,"How to deal with suicidal thoughts? Whenever my parents are fighting, it triggers my suicidal thoughts. I know how stupid the fight is, but I just can’t help but to think of suicide. I don’t even know why am I having suicidal thoughts. I mean yeah, I have a lot of days when I think that I’m tired of living, I don’t want to live anymore, I’ve also attempted suicide before. None of these fights are the main reason. But sometimes, like today when I’m feeling really good about myself, the fight triggers my suicidal thoughts, and think that it would be better if I’m dead. It’s not like I’m the reason why they’re fighting. I’m just scared that it might come real strong one day and just do it. Is there a cure for triggers?",2.147346938775509,4.260780027210888,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,78.65986394557824,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.007742857142857,572,21,119,7,14,182,83,147,0.299,0.536,0.166,-0.984,1,0,0,0,7,3,18.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,6,1,6,1,14,1,0,7,0,35,32,11,7,3,8,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,13,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,4,1,12,5,10,25,3,6,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450837879960793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048013524498122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992176880092517,0.0,0.0,0.09346108204858412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102978409500166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363034581581675,0.1089464388560701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979743953577452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053432530722016085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886353015972096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083182510946442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615259693789327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325508028237976,0.0,0.18662618596578226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984123304482418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511121743339453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210463381306678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160821613102901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173397476032056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028145525708678,0.0676982066755402,0.21730330751874927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057992597330328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451542486788276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6935487700680887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313710628916795,0.0,0.33557705839458696,0.0,0.12145803879830246,0.1001676853648192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232994106763975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190710771239532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506859416898601,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BelmontFR,2018/01/30,"I ruined my relationship, my studies, and my life overall. I feel so guilty. Long story short, i've been in depression for a while now. GF and I had an argument about 4mo ago. Couldn't get over it. Now i feel empty, loveless. She loves me to death, and i can't even love her back properly, even if i want her so much. She's heading towards depression, because of me. Because i ruined our relationship, and all she sees of me is this empty shell, either crying or blaming myself and her for my suffering. 

I wanted to take care of myself, i had found the perfect girl, we had began to move in together. Life was finally good, i was finally being able to sleep properly. All i wanted was her love, and now, i don't know what i want. I tried to leave her because i thought she was the cause of my depression, but couldn't, because i still love her so much it hurts, and realize that she truly isn't responsible. I am the only one to blame.

What was the damn point of it all ? I did everything right. I never cheated, always took care of her, of our relationship, and still, it fails, because of me.

I feel like a worthless piece of shit.
I made her sad, i made her cry, and will probably do so again because i'm lost. She is doing her best, crying, hitting herself, and i can't do a thing, i can't help her, i just feel like a monster.

So yeah, i think about it. Just ending it all.
Everywhere i go, i hurt someone. I hurt the women of my life. My friends. My parents. And i can't seem to get better. Just worse.

What was the damn point of it all ?
Why so much joy, happiness, just for it to be stripped away.

Fuck this.",1.3623879179331304,3.3574431823708224,3.2324534574468125,90.19953125,80.70212765957447,6.4225303951367785,23.04720744680851,7.531066641456977,0.9535386778115504,1233,42,268,19,32,413,152,329,0.262,0.5920000000000001,0.145,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,3,0,0,5,21,33,5,0,11,1,28,11,3,3,7,46,60,21,1,7,8,1,4,2,2,1,3,0,0,2,15,12,0,0,10,0,0,3,9,18,0,1,18,5,65,15,29,36,11,27,0,13,1,5,34,9,4,3,17,195,80,1,0.08390041715313308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437265754475739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981186819369169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882720374821311,0.06451424192707969,0.0,0.30686949336619473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804831155782193,0.07420310087686598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108413391460525,0.08618883984983243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764820057479129,0.0,0.0,0.2167899190605239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431086663451493,0.0,0.0,0.11083086849192952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754042850071078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969028735237354,0.1198769495565886,0.0,0.1838176119425319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199247686377587,0.06482125416852726,0.07756458370476102,0.08766901020099396,0.0,0.047682540553997566,0.07037168927971793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931355418142778,0.0,0.0,0.08610603327004925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623668107285456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26945139549639185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610947508189598,0.0,0.0,0.0888384275012767,0.0,0.0,0.17778403759611605,0.08197901169450877,0.0,0.0,0.07424922898836595,0.0,0.0,0.09158721635295676,0.0,0.30289360868676185,0.1587772066750262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917286557240361,0.185029380939836,0.0,0.0647091740051477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685309402282555,0.06381004794255106,0.0,0.0,0.0931614843036002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862602644226725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045884013580778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702329475036181,0.0,0.0716504978246847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685776984741959,0.07637978869691749,0.0,0.0,0.08612257252629953,0.0,0.0,0.08396100903100064,0.0,0.07108855118670511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340059630341583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308267216340928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055739709081492526,0.05375999956136513,0.0,0.06660755945204873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321645055383332,0.05696287587895318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794655928708035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570707660561632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550169289220913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WafflZ21,2018/01/30,"My New Years Resolution List Last year it was full of things, eat healthier, do more stuff, bla bla bla

now it only has one, 4 word message

""Don't end your life""

here's for the first time i don't fail one of my resolutions!

i hope",1.8047959183673468,3.1433665714285723,3.3956632653061227,92.53594387755103,77.16326530612245,7.348979591836735,20.413265306122447,8.07648339933343,0.4803428571428565,178,4,44,3,4,59,39,49,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.722,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,5,1,3,5,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978362807782912,0.0,0.0,0.2578007646592824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475831662512861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890972202504317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372601060242073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055906621836538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28111628069853106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944718121622046,0.22137111162278555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33320439903798904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337332847657107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972469075488505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748778215050084
suicidewatch,Narcmomthrowaway,2018/01/30,"Trying not to hurt my children I’ve been having a really difficult time lately. I really don’t think I can hang on much longer so I’ve begun to make a plan. I have started to collect gifts for my daughters. I ordered them engraved rings, and gifts I know they will be able to keep for a long time. I have collected up all their paperwork that they will eventually need throughout their lives. 

I have told my husband I feel this way on a few occasions, but recently, I have just stopped talking about it. I just tell him I love him and to remember that. 

The last thing that needs to be done is to find a way to kill myself that will appear accidental. I don’t want to hurt my children, but I just can’t do this anymore. It has just been too much of a fight I’ve had to put up, and I can do it any longer. The only thing that is keeping me hanging on right now is just fixing everything for my children so they can have a good life. I just feel they would be better off without me. They will have more money and more security as they are all legal citizens here and I still am not able to get my citizenship. I am a drain on my family, which at never wanted to be. ",3.403795460092752,4.265258024896266,4.774508176714672,86.0815670002441,72.48547717842324,8.160214791310715,25.794727849646076,8.4952907291091,1.5199946790334389,908,28,198,15,17,303,126,241,0.066,0.826,0.108,0.8791,1,0,0,1,1,1,20.0,0,0,9,2,13,9,2,0,10,0,35,2,0,1,3,35,51,10,1,5,11,2,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,4,13,5,0,4,6,0,1,4,7,5,0,0,5,3,38,4,27,37,7,28,0,2,0,1,22,9,0,1,12,152,51,1,0.2800213285484313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521205287672248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885295697224015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238280547045966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432795202168766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258325571099166,0.0,0.13198959364771146,0.0,0.1415871974136016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796721063958374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314979335621685,0.0,0.0,0.11743430243223855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997686237499669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889582301671045,0.1549010557136994,0.0,0.07694619948991006,0.11412737835791573,0.15793812773659374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889367278413988,0.0,0.0,0.12363198166841255,0.1239050320040186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636509088877698,0.0,0.09345820560366473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584789615010812,0.2076322669812913,0.10798485567193884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648441930270544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074938880054502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938883342403755,0.0,0.1382436399583942,0.0,0.15860478917485832,0.1195683422849076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910026880422404,0.0,0.11181269734853667,0.11705518459578633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253526843391257,0.12237549179549673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603372807330246,0.08971318028407675,0.0,0.0,0.16328268854846326,0.0,0.0,0.1337861897392156,0.0,0.09505805050081452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516383468031773,0.22226789668176716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496528406813793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945955879819804,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,calamars,2018/01/30,"Attempted suicide once and I want to try again. I tried to overdose on sleeping pills when I was 17 during my high school exams, and as a result, I didn't do well and I couldn't go to university. I'm scared to work (I've had to quit my last three jobs). I've been staying at home since high school ended - I'm 20 now. I don't think I have a future. I'm so so afraid and feel so so alone.",-1.3964890282131677,0.5308703333333327,1.1933960292580998,100.59347962382448,92.79310344827586,4.083176593521421,14.80564263322884,5.565023196281405,-1.0698413793103447,297,6,76,2,11,101,56,87,0.155,0.828,0.017,-0.8974,1,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,2,2,0,8,2,1,1,0,9,15,10,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,4,1,9,1,8,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,40,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763791113216584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775667088642968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136924522625193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139380036853069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236384837151834,0.20109884446358156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894651242496628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634188177338895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350578065816447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132362797702264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071651033018972,0.4057950618117227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584000046985367,0.0,0.2006258400926211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368612985389052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929373485713624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846016502011634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222695294400473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824892056666195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025654531678448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595259581046566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onehalfasian,2018/01/30,"i want to kill myself again and i don’t know why i first tried when i was about 6-7 by ingesting soap
i’ve been wanting to kill myself ever since, 11 years of wanting to die
i skipped school today just to have the house to myself while i did it but before i ingested all of the pills i started thinking about it: why do i want to kill myself? i’m in the best place i’ve ever been: a boyfriend that loves me and a home, family is supportive, i’ve got friends. what makes me want to die so bad? i feel guilty for wanting to die

i don’t know wether i’ll kill myself today, but if i do, i won’t even know why i did it",1.7502919708029196,2.4258852335766434,3.5340218978102165,94.12658029197081,76.22627737226276,6.647883211678832,21.729197080291968,6.742157984588678,0.20549401459854,475,11,118,4,10,160,74,137,0.266,0.598,0.136,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,5,11.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,4,0,5,0,12,4,0,1,3,21,29,8,7,7,4,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,1,21,4,15,22,2,12,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,10,74,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689729834085796,0.0,0.0,0.0987504058347668,0.0,0.12178781269559973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361326209949544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665024356498662,0.20994859545790232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940205863963053,0.0,0.05867860657033079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871247388205337,0.0,0.0,0.08966030832046255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281616545349287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164080875781317,0.0,0.0,0.13390666573677593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135706205979261,0.0,0.19133491655016868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047400836789827,0.0,0.07746459252762503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124804522367452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744927530577393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599815130786707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214112279078789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316927026109371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436045781292916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000455981251466,0.0,0.0,0.07879065407850344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410697457901197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31415250680830786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473270037817441
suicidewatch,RoPaMainTMA,2018/01/30,"I've tried. I've failed. What's happening? 4 times now. In the past few months, I've attempted suicide. From stabbing at my heart, Slicing down my forearm, stabbing through my forearm, overdosing. Nothing works. It's impossible for me to die. I'm getting better. But some nights, I wonder what line I have to cross to make it happen. What's wrong with me?",0.9857620320855602,3.5377011323529395,2.0914973262032106,91.07810160427809,96.5,4.825668449197861,25.299465240641712,6.574015621080383,1.227717647058824,279,13,53,4,11,88,49,68,0.213,0.746,0.041,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,5,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,7,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,28,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22567402383204466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26482253021922675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333139590100274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512857674374582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023735183067964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032561295593573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367145726668026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394564646828039,0.0,0.2448391282867648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435852866524625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791107240117853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878963185988886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324129661347412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27671717288755465,0.18576424317182388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27898449925768865,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okWhateverlol,2018/01/30,"I have it all prepared. All I need is for the timing to match up. 

I know no one can really care, but I want to let it out. I plan to go out by hanging, there will be struggle and it will be loud. My dog would bark, people would wake up, people would hear. When I do it, it needs to be definite. But having that noose around my neck made me feel at ease. I wasn’t scared anymore.

I know the same family and people that have brought me to this point will have something to say, and I know it will all be void statements with no true or genuine meaning. You don’t care, I didn’t matter. You made me feel like a worthless nothing time and time again. You pushed me back into the dark when I started seeing light. As you said to me, “just get over it.”",1.7384615384615358,3.1339748598726125,2.798980891719744,96.50558549730526,77.47133757961784,5.595100440960313,20.357177853993143,5.873414542411696,-0.2238276335129843,571,13,135,3,13,182,93,157,0.09,0.765,0.145,0.8037,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,1,8,7,0,2,4,0,22,2,2,2,4,34,42,10,0,6,4,0,2,1,0,7,0,4,0,0,10,9,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,6,8,22,4,19,24,4,21,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,1,9,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283936822409305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719385749641552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850391421855208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31425835480617553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452846705259872,0.0,0.1558490238392342,0.11009885044524396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051804186296381,0.0,0.08758636119324448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736973285080378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540905596911572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575916888539917,0.0,0.07529216401975553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916521982998109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678749876481938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285466957300823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787624137396205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443142437843984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32052908235885164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568725035621846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872917568643637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659741022528272,0.12255739141967245,0.15429468836212945,0.0,0.12280865722327723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186442473539608,0.0,0.0,0.10908246252115117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111308974909114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695947947799313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090024691031633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32843382947046745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kai_okami,2018/01/30,"I want to die again..shocker Pretty sure all my friends are just hoping I do it at this point. Fuck everyone. I hate them all. No one gives a shit about you unless you're perfect and happy, and even then they just fucking use you. It must be nice feeling wanted and loved. I know I'll never feel that. My life's completely meaningless.",1.2460074626865671,3.7469955970149305,2.2941604477611968,93.53138992537315,85.56716417910448,5.141044776119403,20.315298507462693,6.6274283507984215,0.30485223880597045,263,8,54,3,8,83,55,67,0.222,0.465,0.313,0.7357,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,2,1,4,11,4,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,6,19,16,5,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,10,7,4,14,2,4,0,0,0,3,7,2,3,1,2,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741363245781895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251060842455948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325921322835675,0.0,0.0,0.20725552180436604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193404905093296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757500864183453,0.4010377753825228,0.0,0.20806851414153696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308921634696252,0.0,0.2141420645547164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542884933455947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920157646488075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320161068926272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957590906883628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728526055553436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469758313750084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503890346500792,0.0,0.0,0.220663442235515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226428818830051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442398339603735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733040169858625,0.0,0.0,0.2558643519679029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exuberantpotato,2018/01/30,"Husband is trapped, but not as much as I am. I can’t act tonight, but I'm planning. Husband feels like our bedroom is dead and it's making him feel trapped and unhappy. He doesn't get why but I've been suffering from depression essentially forever. Telling him I'm depressed doesn't help, he accuses me of exaggerating to avoid sex. I have next to no sex drive, but we generally have sex once a week, which feels fine for busy late-20s people. 

Anyway, I know how to fix it, and I'm going to help make his life better. I had to get it off my chest, but I can't tell anyone IRL because I'm worried they'd try to stop me out of obligation.",3.010909090909088,4.229898272727276,4.486787878787879,86.40518181818184,73.84848484848484,8.007272727272726,29.10909090909091,8.548686976883017,1.9897672727272724,500,21,110,9,10,167,88,132,0.313,0.612,0.076,-0.9901,0,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,1,2,2,7,0,1,1,0,12,5,1,3,0,21,25,11,1,0,6,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,3,15,3,14,22,1,9,0,3,0,3,14,2,0,0,5,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063829514245885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261005225353258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788759598263038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464746268842128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050997558256329,0.1436909112850895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016951155060934,0.0,0.11430967721376388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696331523582147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053855671005626,0.0,0.22688908360939736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206762555893154,0.09826441980886684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685183993134178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785739577182264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390939466464406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420225105677126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944171003681438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815789793937946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516017770710393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655748790308395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133839514810466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149308717696175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042623943438816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hoadaus,2018/01/30,Die for anything. I haven't been suicidal for some time ( Thankfully my meds kinda work) But I can't escape the idea of joining the Military as a way of killing myself without anyone thinking it was Suicide. Thoughts and opinions? ,3.5164285714285732,6.576244452380955,3.9812380952380977,81.48042857142859,80.66666666666666,6.217142857142857,34.590476190476195,7.554174236665415,3.050670476190477,185,11,29,3,5,58,37,42,0.277,0.6,0.124,-0.8372,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,6,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006459706968048,0.0,0.21191775394329607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672660311498916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29070974430113583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849087148318724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860476598217689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5633721224266643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370906406009881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500899093585622,0.0,0.20444282484297555,0.15016250449131469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440809941615246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482409526106994,0.0,0.18747827823031696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisYoungRudiger,2018/01/30,"It doesn't even elicit a strong feeling anymore... I use to get extremely upset when I got to this point. I'd be sobbing and pacing and nervously tugging at my hair. I just don't care anymore. That's what scares me, I've come to this extremely calm emotionless realization that I should just die. I'm lonely, I just want a family, the world feels like it's collapsing around me, and at this point in my life telling myself that it will all get better soon feels like a lie. If I could do my life over there's so many things I would do differently, but I know I can't. My family is a squabbling mess and I find my ability to relate to other people eroded by the day. I feel nothing but betrayal from the people I attempt to care for. 

I live near one of the most popular places in the world to kill yourself. I feel like jumping off of something tall to at least feel the thrill of falling before I die or doing the clean responsible method of ingesting some kind of poison. I find myself looking over ledges and wondering if it's tall enough to do it.

Holy shit, I fucking hate myself.",3.4760766324878603,4.979786348623853,4.621268213707502,84.7704937938478,73.12844036697248,7.8817053426875345,25.66756610901241,8.4952907291091,1.6713876956287104,856,28,173,15,17,281,126,218,0.215,0.6459999999999999,0.139,-0.9659,1,2,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,9,22,5,3,11,0,13,7,2,2,1,34,33,12,3,6,8,0,7,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,14,7,1,0,10,0,0,3,3,11,0,1,1,8,27,11,27,27,5,23,0,2,1,1,1,17,3,6,6,116,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419421522302924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858778579479364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037957324380387,0.0,0.0,0.1078811237261228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487328480927713,0.0,0.0,0.10507470259770972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739085733459599,0.0,0.0,0.07866680928333226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531913213840483,0.12744281458173978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260376275753494,0.0,0.08056643519717885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998319269148404,0.0,0.3700595797612427,0.2614269459267926,0.0,0.0,0.2229744546472842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276825836839545,0.1274587075833213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755830159782178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042969089490048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495245481019674,0.12702307697798187,0.0670368478874099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231572562143244,0.17877934612671614,0.0,0.10771030153622094,0.0,0.10243221870051054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236682607586019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704280290299825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265659518282363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913071751818584,0.0,0.12744281458173978,0.0,0.2306204697994857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212294977986968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521039946483326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390592518176703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661562602214598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103788629880991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535128826132076,0.0,0.0,0.07194678187723652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322817711073501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665087240569959,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theeriesleeper,2018/01/30,"Should I just do it? I’ve been a child you’d be disappointed to have.At least that’s what I’ve thought of myself for as long as I can think of.I don’t think I’ve ever made my parents proud.When I finished school I decided to learn music but it didn’t work out so I’d wasted one year after that I went to a normal college to do psychology and you guessed it.I failed at it.I tried again and my parents just asked me what happened and I told them I’d failed and they were disappointed.Can you blame them?My dad said do something  about your life,You have no skill set.Truth hurts,right?  This is just life,isn’t it? You gotta at least do the basics.I’m absolutely pathetic and the only reason I haven’t committed suicide yet is because I’ve always thought my parents would be sad and again,I’d be a god damn disappointment as usual.Will I die quickly if I jump from the 10th floor balcony?Should I hang myself?Should I just fucking do it?",0.9718758404303004,3.392499912371136,2.2975033617212013,93.61390183774094,85.95876288659794,5.023397579560736,21.321380546839983,6.498293943080001,0.2908626624831916,749,25,161,8,23,240,115,194,0.261,0.7120000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9944,3,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,5,2,4,10,7,2,0,6,0,20,1,0,2,2,27,33,12,2,4,6,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,9,1,23,0,15,17,2,15,0,5,0,1,15,4,2,2,8,93,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349539180912023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162445864580928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886867267690062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683261732863045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670888529729692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994075859749587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866904175264514,0.0,0.14342285421945833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291172267070916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353181810619853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346678651343998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589104041495457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990320116775112,0.12335174815179735,0.0,0.0,0.5402737806878642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675690591810588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385081887194092,0.1542785111143888,0.0,0.0,0.16414353448285354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486071756607005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740801757758715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784782774351046,0.0,0.25751928304244776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549781694915156,0.0,0.1101154214105706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862784261226058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035046849889708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807524141036785,0.0,0.0,0.11521413675824498,0.0,0.0,0.10444414875771127
suicidewatch,brokenbird,2018/01/30,"Fired today. I don't want to do this anymore. I got fired today. 
I was so relieved I got a full time job for the first time...after a year of soul searching, contract jobs, and depression. When I got my job I felt relieved and hopeful. Then the probationary time came and I did not make the cut. 

I promised a year ago if my situation doesn't get better I will kill myself. I'm getting older and I'm still stuck in the same place I was last year.

I've been struggling with depression for a while. And I feel that I have nothing to lose if I just kill myself now. No job to go back to. No debt to burden my family. No money in my bank account either. No significant other. No children.
Life will just get harder from here on out. So why try anymore to keep fighting this. I am sad...I didn't expect my life to turn out like this. 
The only thing holding me back is my family and friends. I think they will be sad if I am gone. It is the only thing keeping me from going insane and jumping off a bridge.",0.18870192307692327,2.4380571586538515,2.291338461538462,93.45366153846157,87.99038461538461,4.674153846153846,19.377692307692307,6.152001189255117,-0.03966523076923023,771,23,168,7,25,258,116,208,0.247,0.649,0.104,-0.985,5,0,0,0,2,2,29.0,0,0,1,3,10,17,4,1,11,0,17,2,0,1,0,29,39,15,2,6,7,0,4,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,8,11,0,3,3,0,4,5,9,10,0,1,12,4,27,7,19,23,3,31,1,4,0,0,4,8,0,4,19,114,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924081428519116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220573492510064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217203507840834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099014562563866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804600038493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285230895901695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108127571231966,0.0,0.05660750485823105,0.0,0.10749377389157153,0.0,0.0,0.09522834933288432,0.0,0.0,0.08649568617069607,0.0,0.17547464848934935,0.0,0.12725252284867256,0.0,0.2686204654774928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111959730462123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443898400738167,0.1990204166476192,0.2477218964436117,0.0,0.0,0.0912577724945103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581533970539267,0.054695261292513495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252483287305937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473042654127397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742325932857297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702927211814349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696851220936348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584142822444802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940692271603885,0.0,0.0,0.11703903927052155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875504788673286,0.07173585439286859,0.0,0.0,0.19584452028395524,0.0,0.2122393478020468,0.0,0.0,0.07600968383913931,0.1217742308648975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603360151807053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102142611982444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628487520349024
suicidewatch,Pleasedontbeupset,2018/01/30,"I'm finally ready As the title suggests, I've made up my mind at this point. Years I've been hurting, every single night crying until 6am, and living the same miserable life.

I was told things get better, and I tried to let things get better. I put myself out there, I did what everyone said; but it still wasn't enough.

I've always been too afraid to take my own life, the thought terrifies me. But the feeling of wanting to die is so genuine.

I've thought about killing myself almost every second of every day over the course of the past few years, it's no way for a 20 year old to live. 

My parents already think nothing of me and my dad says suicide is for the weak, I guess he was right. But if they had any idea how much pain I was in, they would be happy that I can finally let it all go. I've tried telling them, they don't care, no one does until it's too late. It's the sad truth. 

There's been too many nights I've sat there in my bed with the rope in my hands crying and wishing I'd just do it, that the pain would finally stop; but I've always been too afraid of what's to come.

But now I'm not so scared anymore, I sit here with it, and the same terrified feelings don't overwhelm me. I can't cry anymore, I'm so tired of crying, it hurts to just be awake anymore. Tonight I can finally rest. ",2.3856303528605665,3.4319869532374128,3.5376053442959936,93.27818944844128,75.15107913669064,6.446317231928742,23.310037684138397,6.655083550727371,0.4373663583418983,1015,28,235,8,21,329,149,278,0.249,0.6679999999999999,0.083,-0.9961,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,4,2,17,17,1,5,12,0,24,7,1,2,2,38,45,18,3,5,9,2,3,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,15,9,0,1,6,0,0,3,7,12,0,2,16,5,25,5,27,23,9,33,0,5,0,0,12,9,0,3,19,144,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689175702377702,0.0,0.09575741058957032,0.0,0.14440605552283484,0.0,0.0,0.05900938423302207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581698611353873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348933329590342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847200905941746,0.0,0.0,0.07474822976877522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38126923025298826,0.05596213541521944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005784740944474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593662620834184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966087281334724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21933284201021971,0.08291640014962283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775121512686758,0.0,0.0,0.3802272731421727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067180324978526,0.0,0.0493157379745683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559148755543297,0.0,0.0,0.0923726752898328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578700243727944,0.09795743095398232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600271854809624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788499862217864,0.0,0.0,0.17746485476993612,0.12258226892954165,0.0,0.0,0.15324629370626447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210778022463201,0.0,0.08797534841169538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761713510475704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378897014860319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286328613926504,0.0,0.08326211835850086,0.0,0.0910548527966817,0.0,0.05880039644066536,0.0,0.18466758539471526,0.0,0.09635240270042678,0.0,0.08283572609314442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202960103515244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723196815268877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410463317213681,0.08254206901539778,0.06900627129335915,0.08687604232519873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929793256861383,0.07254705844042142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491681456477552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524334683097062,0.0,0.0758444146290535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529775284220235,0.05560135892673025,0.0,0.13777793342797576,0.0,0.09973409781885696,0.0,0.08291640014962283,0.0,0.11782787697493186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511816303061404,0.06887726564903544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978596744034547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328370502353884,0.0,0.0,0.16763908478391001
suicidewatch,Blackyx,2018/01/30,"I feel so ashamed of my desire to end it. I feel like nothing is going well for me, uni is fucking me up, I tried but never really had a relationship and I'm 22.I work a shitty gas station job. I have literally 0 motivation about anything meaningful. I want to just be gone.

But that feeling is tearing me apart because I feel so incredibly selfish to just give up. I have great parents and friends, and I feel I owe them to do my best,vut I seriously don't feel like even going out of bed. I'm so lost.",0.9267272727272732,3.0510199238095264,3.6412987012987017,85.95779220779222,83.09523809523809,6.484848484848484,25.73593073593073,7.686295010490155,1.4949047619047622,392,17,84,7,11,138,68,105,0.165,0.616,0.219,0.6545,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,8,10,1,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,1,19,25,8,0,2,4,1,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,8,0,1,3,2,5,1,0,3,6,16,5,11,21,0,9,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,0,4,53,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258708844564198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130319608767232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945896908440288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422948162118986,0.0,0.0,0.12246994890786113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625317505398443,0.26493203720576664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325712311351396,0.17142030433648225,0.0,0.17787435601527274,0.21075999439164664,0.0,0.0,0.2044291885623211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400342505005074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117633670757585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241078789663394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300942223253282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791808780519291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588997231711192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878653383062425,0.0,0.0,0.19907459431544425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258898462759628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936711645520003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671728155318855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498993873642373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FriendlessBastard,2018/01/30,"No doubt this post will get lost I have been having some bad thoughts lately, so just decided to vent a bit. Simply put, I feel like a burden to everyone: family members, friends, people I meet. And I don't talk about it with anyone in fear that I will be a burden to them. Everyone seems me as this happy dude who can make you laugh, but in reality I want to just disappear off the face of this planet. I don't even know what I'm trying to achieve with this post. Maybe just to leaving some note before I go? To be fair, I'm not even expecting anyone to respond to this, there are people who deserve help much more than I do.",4.413662790697675,4.5619029534883735,5.4258817829457415,84.88207848837213,69.85271317829458,8.620542635658914,26.20251937984496,8.472884824447931,1.5165263565891478,487,13,105,7,8,161,87,129,0.12,0.752,0.128,0.4832,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,2,8,10,0,2,4,0,12,1,1,1,0,19,23,4,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,1,12,4,18,16,5,9,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,4,2,71,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996372851419846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492436585681022,0.0,0.0,0.1520978613874424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514200296359105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361172700508845,0.0,0.0,0.3415948399312579,0.0,0.0,0.16850380522297592,0.20113653841298929,0.09037826723948793,0.12769465067121805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809706432699914,0.0,0.09338629047298852,0.0,0.10158425588373272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027616474372488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980824288687747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823295195606403,0.0,0.20163086178173048,0.18926394119831635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732522223349022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512004003103695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931291580123606,0.0,0.17957223410779816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313973050444292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478369758101183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423744207069314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968695061674028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272169874309705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366754551510888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419026604823092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135534918924865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542776085489752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outlivelife,2018/01/30,I don’t know what’s next Over the past few years I have led myself to believe I was a strong individual I never had a reason to complain I was happy with that I had and okay with what I didn’t have. I’ve been through a lot like anyone else. I’ve also fucked up a lot like anyone else. My uncle passed away when I was 14 who was a father figure to me. That same year I lost my first true love because her father would beat her because he was a racist and didn’t want to see her with me long story short she wouldn’t let me leave her so I made her resent me instead. Then I went on to date another girl when I was 16 and she ended up getting pregnant by her ex when we had been dating for 1 year. I dealt with depression by ignoring it. Now breing 23 I just had my first suicide attempt I fell stupid immature and selfish especially after seeing my mothers reaction. Allot led me to this point. Constantly being pressured by my parents because I’m the oldest and when I don’t achieve their expectations I feel like a let down. I’ve been in a relationship where my partner is also dealing with depression because she was abused at an early age. Two good friends of mine passed away last year and it’s been harder than anything else. I also witnessed my friend try to commit suicide in front of me and a couple other friends. Lastly a good chunk of my friends have been falling into drugs and it feels so hopeless trying to help them. I’m just tired of seeing my family and friends suffer so much and feeling like I’m ok. Im just ranting here and I hope it can help in some way . I just checked out of a hospital not too long ago with a crazy bill that my insurance doesn’t cover and I’m hoping I’m not fired from my job.,2.8878571428571433,4.278057400560228,4.223396358543422,87.49206932773113,74.43417366946778,6.6686274509803924,25.0749299719888,7.1686216300943375,1.0128224089635849,1360,44,284,14,28,449,189,357,0.157,0.6679999999999999,0.175,0.52,2,0,1,0,1,4,17.0,1,0,2,7,19,31,3,1,15,2,31,4,0,4,3,51,52,23,2,6,6,5,4,4,6,2,2,0,0,2,12,21,0,1,6,0,2,8,9,12,0,3,21,7,51,19,40,26,7,53,0,5,3,2,32,16,1,6,32,194,63,2,0.0,0.10408078368164457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786841181060719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074646146580825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211210037386328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228451440375834,0.18001313175086014,0.07228813278939895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506467204430786,0.0,0.0,0.2141955647895733,0.0,0.0,0.09897011425468824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492816417918233,0.0,0.0,0.09719772268761877,0.0,0.0,0.09056331377768792,0.15131982864925014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018711592439416,0.0,0.22014718731572636,0.0,0.07780371652871522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281151168026997,0.0,0.13324970774235492,0.12551155199818234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494401345919612,0.0,0.0,0.33934030867710496,0.08121036877303839,0.045894867917359625,0.0,0.0,0.14735877032075853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935115786750401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775997215125746,0.0,0.0,0.1744978390838474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488660143478166,0.0,0.08717162218126183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048276768809656485,0.14320917982595815,0.0,0.0930141195117724,0.0,0.17965289710192053,0.0,0.17166457817143252,0.0,0.0,0.1554783634296448,0.0,0.0,0.09589211028619403,0.14936366647397714,0.07928264578224781,0.08312012319896159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457545244775911,0.0,0.06775071344364336,0.0,0.09342309778411556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754037389714768,0.0,0.08385704423260043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304098010383275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903182693733978,0.0,0.0943115885850142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000090061665344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921741715265691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009637634236486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192806287496042,0.0,0.08581083039529444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181267116138462,0.06972648378378556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143227436091176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240186205220796,0.0,0.0,0.226274641161952
suicidewatch,dont_PM_me_im_shy,2018/01/30,"I realized something No matter what I do, I'll still have to live being me. No amount of good things happening to me or doing things to try to get better could ever make me not be me. And I just don't think I'm worth it. I dunno, I feel like there's no escaping this. I'll always somehow find a way to ruin everything. I thought I'd at least be able to drag myself along until I'm like 25, but I'm starting to think I might end it sooner....",2.056406480117822,2.734435494845364,4.2905743740795295,88.98237113402064,75.49484536082474,7.192341678939616,22.104565537555228,7.447530270364453,0.6463472754050072,341,8,79,4,7,119,65,97,0.113,0.779,0.108,-0.1111,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,1,19,20,4,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,12,4,11,14,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,52,18,0,0.2291257546178903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190650982723594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264311025257464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829382709300464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029374104644344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072573627488928,0.0,0.0,0.20592345413661475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585286599343007,0.16368748488051135,0.0,0.0,0.20941678875771766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119708749971073,0.0,0.0,0.19217981217568894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026151481091754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238785402347877,0.0,0.20232223910601754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294322039808478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306621720682245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639219997641706,0.0,0.0,0.16217638842232973,0.0,0.18298012361165028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044419405488433,0.2936290637333322,0.0,0.18190025557145573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556134717600725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818693590896702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DryYak,2018/01/30,"I can't continue. I'm so sorry, i won't make it to my 19 birthday. i don't even know where to begin. This is my first post here. I'm using a new account so nobody will know who i am. I think this week is the day, my pain will finally be over. I'm suffering so much. I haven't told anyone. I have no friends. I'm a loner, a failure. I deserve death. I smile, i don't look depressed. But deep down i'm so sad,hurt and tired. So fucking tired. I tried to slit my wrist 2 months ago. I..........i couldn't do it. Don't know why. I just couldn't. I really had to dig to keep going. Maybe it would get better. Well guess what? I't didn't oh what a surprise huh. So i just want to say goodbye to everyone. I love you all i hope all of you find peace and happiness. I won't. This time i won't fuckup and succed in my plan. I'm just scared of the unknown. Not death itself. I will write a letter to my parents. Because this is going to be a huge shock for them. I just can't keep going.",-2.625613687081575,-1.0252018256880715,0.4564616910488475,102.28408752789488,106.24770642201835,3.4576741879494173,13.69005702950657,5.429586552531525,-1.1658848499876018,734,17,188,6,37,254,117,218,0.173,0.6809999999999999,0.145,-0.7186,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,1,3,14,13,1,1,8,1,25,6,1,2,2,27,51,10,2,5,6,1,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,0,11,3,0,2,5,0,1,3,14,6,1,1,3,2,29,7,15,37,3,20,0,2,1,2,11,6,1,2,10,112,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123815507365627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352060410877602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025043048365536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093895500458366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548055716637097,0.0,0.12751598932241362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778619714737596,0.0,0.0,0.14146894191537002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218248115488842,0.13531580445135216,0.12593198642287126,0.0,0.0,0.11438372766925195,0.13687063499570454,0.07735046410697365,0.0,0.2524221477939867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309471438920006,0.0,0.0,0.15760289413871928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704791027074954,0.0,0.0,0.158491508368684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631888149140413,0.0,0.0,0.2440946434186949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243254353699144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362168201307847,0.0,0.09882509910650417,0.0,0.14873698889433792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817278446990236,0.0,0.10883441751583406,0.0,0.0,0.14298844376295147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753655407563807,0.0,0.16439296009518115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179179944885706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484517238064497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773598670203365,0.14822473917539788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573081737649634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486501346208072,0.0,0.0,0.08632964742876245,0.3403253702731302,0.0,0.14146894191537002,0.0,0.10051681605628547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786840845618405,0.0,0.0,0.08732423346705381,0.0,0.1187574701097888,0.0,0.13311550390291904,0.0,0.1335928738832787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517108360719134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mistake1515,2018/01/30,"I’m scared of my own thoughts Sometimes I get these thoughts about dying or killing myself. I romanticize my own funeral in my head, like who will cry, who will care enough to come etc. I just spent the past hour researching what the best drug is to overdose on with the highest mortality rate and lowest pain because I want to die but I’m too scared of it hurting and the permanence of it all. It scares me to think that one day, I may just stop trying to control these thoughts anymore and I may just end it.

I feel like I’m at war with one side of my brain. One half of me wants to just end it so I can stop being such a burden on people. The other half wants to hold out because I’ve been hearing my entire life that “it gets better.” Well, when does it get better because it’s been 20 fucking years and I can’t keep doing this much longer?",3.1180263736263747,4.24392012571429,3.82,91.65153846153844,73.45714285714286,6.527472527472527,24.89010989010989,6.67199483983844,0.6641120879120881,662,20,147,5,13,210,106,175,0.202,0.6829999999999999,0.116,-0.952,1,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,4,10,17,3,3,6,0,11,6,2,1,1,30,31,8,6,3,6,0,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,17,8,0,5,5,0,1,1,1,9,1,5,6,2,17,8,20,20,7,16,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,3,11,98,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192095302684153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982473612395745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614611274677065,0.21262037996551636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418681230880802,0.0,0.0,0.12255543612442027,0.0,0.0,0.10354463514769133,0.0,0.0,0.13481839876265242,0.0,0.0,0.13203785381175073,0.07752128594321811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495044225406599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519085574885324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939784869925373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292917024608174,0.12420230407061475,0.1340586295300609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607784798528678,0.08587337409970455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112615958287383,0.1884040360833572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336342615641988,0.0,0.13547803279297854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837619255540945,0.0,0.1286802874266018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684235609589696,0.13298731616787565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490325691423757,0.11745067530673894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836337209477589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443589212007661,0.0,0.12790495381931122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474780154715727,0.08333394244634063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610338920452598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888429312275045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009909457518585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702152200250624,0.0,0.28628435534192603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161025732205968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269734090186326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807734420268228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740708564442779
suicidewatch,wakablocka,2018/01/30,"I don't know what to do I feel like I've been depressed as long as I can remember. I've occasionally had friends, but never consistently. People tell me I'm funny and good looking, but dating never seems to work out for me.  I feel like people don't want me around. Last year I had four hospital stays from suicide attempts and they were because I was feeling lonely. I've had years of therapy and having been trying different meds for years, but nothing has worked. I don't know what do at this point as nothing is getting better and everything is getting worse.",4.7131818181818215,6.1013297272727325,5.54159090909091,79.82238636363638,69.9090909090909,8.045454545454545,30.113636363636363,8.472884824447931,2.310363636363636,450,18,83,7,8,147,68,110,0.168,0.6970000000000001,0.136,-0.7079,1,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,17,0,0,0,2,19,28,10,1,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,4,11,5,12,21,0,13,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,1,10,53,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081509265963582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642598875291193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989870336271268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624151470885573,0.0,0.0,0.16526602520513786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216335403545954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994399384909346,0.2260098244933667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221065294252445,0.0,0.16528663502302818,0.0,0.0,0.1326751573362557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386485741065993,0.12893905414687454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455900499427794,0.0,0.0,0.13998567092756048,0.13283264100165534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757040135286431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439986855539794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035588766323184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193263034566446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495326688279354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918883088014326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440025184331359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860045770575338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730249131948708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825762398033342,0.0,0.18089435818230434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739487138820054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329956111041192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303160665955531,0.0,0.16120048663176745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055911455288966
suicidewatch,Thisreallysucks2013,2018/01/30,"I feel stuck Not sure if anyone will see this, but over the years, I've felt more and more inclined to just end it all. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a mother who cared so deeply for me, so if I wanted to end it, no one would be hurt. But she loves me so much and it brings me so much guilt to even feel this way. (Which also just exacerbates the want to end it, making it an endless loop of guilt) I've told her several times I don't want to be alive and it brings her to tears every time because this is not what she wanted for my life. She is such an amazing, loving mother, who wants me to flourish in everything I do and just be the happy, bubbly little girl I once was. Yet, I'm just a depressed mess, who doesn't want to be around anymore. My life is just fine. I'm a middle class citizen with a great paying job for my age with my whole life ahead of me; which I don't want to be around for. I just lost my only friend to a stupid argument we had a few nights ago and he's an avid Reddit user, who probably will not see this, nor care if he did. I have nobody now. I've always been depressed on and off, but it's gotten worse and worse over several years. I feel like I don't want to go to therapy because I know exactly what is wrong with my life. Which, funilly enough, is honestly nothing, except the fact I simply do not wish to live anymore. Not trying to have a big head here, but everyone I meet loves me because I am outgoing, funny, and can sometimes be cute. And I honestly am genuine with everyone I meet. When I'm around people, I feel happy and almost back to my old self - if they only knew how I truly felt, they would be extremely shocked because I get endless compliments on how positive and energetic I am. But I can push away my depression for the sake of my job, being that I'm in the service industry. Yet, every night, I fantasize about the beauty and peace of not being alive anymore. No more stress. I feel even worse for nothing even being remotely wrong with my life. Honestly, I wanted so much more for me. I feel terrible for that little girl I once was. I feel like I've let myself down tremendously. It's beyond reason to me now. I am comfortable with how I perceive death and I welcome it with open arms. It actually *brings me peace to think about it* I am more afraid of living than dying. I will never have the guts to go through with anything, solely for my mother's sanity. I may do it when she passes, though. That's kind of been my game plan for a while now. I only stick around for her. She would be heart broken for the rest of her life if I left. Random side note: I'm at my boyfriend's right now. He's asleep in bed and I'm on the couch because I can't sleep. He doesn't know I feel this way. I'm my usual self around him and he has no earthly idea about how I feel because I am afraid he will be immediately unnatracted to me and leave me. I don't want that, he's so great and is pushing me to get my GED and further my education. He is an extreme go-getter. So I hide it and cry when I'm at my own house or when he's asleep. I found this sub earlier today, so I figure why not get my story out here, even if no one reads it. I'm not looking for attention. Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for on here. Maybe a friend. I don't do well alone, which, ironically, I prefer to be. Except for when I am around my boyfriend. My head is one giant (excuse my French) *mindfuck*. To put it into a lack of a better expression, I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean, being dragged down further and further. Right when I'm about to lose the last of my oxygen and die.. I come up for air and continue to struggle to keep myself afloat. It. Is. Never. Ending. I've come to terms with the fact I feel this way and am quite comfortable with it. It is no longer shocking to me. I'm just very uneasy with the fact that I have to live with how I feel for the rest of the time I am alive, however long that shall be. I feel like I'm not smart at all. Everybody believes in me, but myself. I don't have the drive and ambition to do better with my life. Call it lazy or whatever you'd like, but I think I've just given up. I have a conflicting voice in my head that says that's just silly and I can do whatever I want. Problem is, I don't want to do the work. It will be tiring and stressful. Most people would call that bum-ish or lazy. I feel like I am simply not meant for this life. The world is becoming more and more fucked up. I used to want a family, but now I second guess myself because I don't want to bring kids into a collapsing society. Or fear that they might have the same feelings in their life that I am having now. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't know, reddit. I'm just a giant ball of depression, anxiety, occasional euphoria, and general discomfort. Thanks for reading. I hope someone may reach out to me. I'm not afraid to make it known I want someone to talk to. Anyways, I hope you all have a great night/morning.",1.939078816168653,3.3926099199237387,3.679620656783147,90.15720050842071,77.06482364156341,6.9583555219530355,21.971675268180967,7.712410955013289,0.7540883183765605,3862,104,868,56,87,1295,360,1049,0.154,0.662,0.184,0.9886,3,1,0,0,0,3,135.0,1,2,4,8,63,66,2,10,41,0,96,23,9,9,10,185,190,69,3,34,41,3,17,6,2,14,10,2,2,6,52,55,0,2,33,4,1,13,34,27,1,4,17,23,134,39,124,141,24,107,0,7,4,4,55,52,1,19,45,589,186,8,0.0,0.0,0.041506804815969335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03770360338343821,0.0,0.04259140703072418,0.04405213789882767,0.0,0.034014224821981416,0.035391487634387486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03253820263038284,0.0,0.1265461536895143,0.0297405872334965,0.0,0.03500165246274542,0.22718433316923306,0.0,0.0,0.03996185861933888,0.03270582860022134,0.0,0.1814972561875296,0.04697518560162947,0.0,0.04792097139143172,0.0,0.07523529150747217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686342941855979,0.0,0.08673198650234341,0.0,0.0,0.07327811953524732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672132757527375,0.0,0.0,0.14653702755149775,0.0,0.08828663538883011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068911264768026,0.04394873414377263,0.0,0.11237256395596616,0.0,0.07167303834283943,0.08128564248801229,0.03822659226085617,0.0,0.04009703446334503,0.04786229427822959,0.3225951329209235,0.1519305988957716,0.08167814111943612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663606191354146,0.06572294008766325,0.039321766858282085,0.06666638719305545,0.0,0.07251873161641627,0.0,0.0,0.14068082989567868,0.046855721354923933,0.0,0.0,0.09055593640970136,0.0,0.0,0.1309556966704327,0.0,0.0,0.05040269900731376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844912226036719,0.0,0.04907823726247627,0.045533259499281525,0.04801542696741023,0.0,0.0,0.08441636839870699,0.037805951656768,0.0,0.04429235576409028,0.0935017474485222,0.034670683474052125,0.0,0.045037100277084005,0.04621304425368821,0.043493641526240544,0.2703856119729072,0.12467905187477935,0.08525998382118942,0.1126742425534227,0.03764103063842674,0.07143527586211046,0.04758438697737955,0.04643061300165206,0.0,0.11516511107356242,0.0,0.056783217334156935,0.0,0.04273086919403565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045121587613762684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380160160392767,0.0,0.06560930085069848,0.0,0.0,0.11974513028469345,0.0,0.08162456128667872,0.0,0.04463201609014452,0.09059411203345802,0.08646591014451542,0.09704650145342487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897509404727981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585857684262296,0.04069905481730303,0.0,0.042758167045300666,0.0,0.045239879125406175,0.08509052125913455,0.0,0.0,0.043731779389768605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264718086971858,0.0,0.033824545491971,0.0,0.0,0.06778778439942934,0.0,0.08874395585162162,0.09610206238596494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425644677585045,0.0,0.07207741736091054,0.0,0.08413393344702444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744453473647743,0.04446551097770343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008755637881298,0.0,0.0,0.034187017415782575,0.0,0.03915936277196461,0.04864105042709831,0.0,0.0,0.05450781962808602,0.041789193805132345,0.0,0.07440531570394243,0.04888628910890394,0.040317022031338114,0.040642821244006144,0.0,0.028877624527906414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03673550390126743,0.04684491693451071,0.03509479856863188,0.3763126198958725,0.10128393383570236,0.0,0.0,0.038242949701063296,0.0,0.038380094027700165,0.047487413345598084,0.1467351415408726,0.0,0.0,0.03096507686037144,0.0,0.1300365762301969,0.1208590237040884,0.09300795798872953,0.0,0.054780681458164164
suicidewatch,Cdm_15,2018/01/30,"Need help for my friend Hello everyone. My friend is in dire need of help. She has been having suicidal thoughts for months. Her mom doesn’t really think it’s that bad and her dad has no clue what’s going on. She’s always had depression but it has ramped up due to her boyfriend cheating on her and breaking up with her. She lives 2 hours away and I don’t know what to do or say to her. Nothing she does makes her happy and she said I’m the only one there for her. 

Should I reach out to her dad on social media or what Bc she needs help fast?

Please help. Thanks in advance ",-0.1322210743801655,2.154042859504134,1.109788223140498,100.57559142561985,91.4793388429752,4.347314049586777,15.000516528925619,5.985473137389443,-0.8437731404958679,450,9,105,4,16,141,76,121,0.113,0.6859999999999999,0.2,0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,1,0,11,0,0,1,0,17,22,7,1,4,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,4,2,19,4,18,17,0,16,0,1,0,0,28,9,0,2,4,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183908610804805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015584211381642,0.0,0.14232970009986065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681975425567625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917354572871747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288494797549533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263398980417837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687819779760733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814613077966601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570317142634054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678719718329542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368214854804467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052217976624202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378554832385593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964450743851545,0.13606214614946655,0.0,0.0,0.3791890374246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635640933841921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155103151836464,0.12964498900918994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711746802962195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920312797836644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214959396574782,0.1355592245842676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376582449504732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645913684729026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693966542260346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922597266408816,0.0,0.13532878584990748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeneralLocation,2018/01/30,"Attempted suicide and woke up in the hospital. This happened a few weeks ago, but it's enough to shut me in my room for the entire month with no contacting friends, work, school or anything else.

My reasons for suicide are very short:
- My family had been abusive and my father always included pro-suicide insults to me when I sought therapy
- My old boyfriend cheated on me for half a year in our 3 year relationship
- My friendships are too distant and a friend who dug out the secret I attempted suicide had called me toxic and put blame to our friends that I think she is disposable.

On my birthday, I hung myself after a few frantic desperate calls to a help line and friends. And when I woke up, I was in the emergency ward. Mom came home early and called the police. When I came back, she explained I am incredibly annoying and making her look bad.

I'm unsure why I'm writing to you today. 
I've been in my room and feel safe in my bed. 
I think I'm calling for a desperate help and I can't process it properly.
I know I also want to re-attempt suicide again.",4.342714285714287,5.521224985714286,5.266190476190476,82.24214285714288,70.57142857142857,8.457142857142857,32.09523809523809,8.841846274778883,2.6567523809523808,837,38,163,15,15,274,125,210,0.257,0.616,0.127,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,5,23.0,2,1,0,3,7,10,3,1,11,0,10,0,0,2,0,27,26,16,4,1,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,5,14,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,9,2,32,5,23,17,3,32,0,0,1,0,25,15,0,1,14,105,37,2,0.0,0.12441607288551006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930823314026985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839740253759493,0.08737419994890025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641177823365499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074386804903957,0.08767642274372077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288953732981888,0.2401999687017622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771983816721858,0.0,0.0,0.10850025645285384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899121344518433,0.0,0.05309467243942191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245124572197691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285730506426736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076789931732933,0.0,0.1053305393653556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770907726128521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817939699313954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009295902379425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298287862870527,0.08381555105398712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018713703895737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556099465100192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796464042416244,0.0,0.1127381737942344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627264628605844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5743028368352581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200846064919978,0.0,0.0,0.1345684357821542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953431685893917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664173653787383,0.06193582372828205,0.0,0.08423024678380564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475244568062652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644631514167723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524207471889405
suicidewatch,originalusername_666,2018/01/30,"Finding it hard not to kill myself I’m going through what my parents call “teenager blues” I recently remembered a time when I was very young where I had sex with another child. It was non consensual on my part however I’ve been told that it was all normal. That it’s just “kids discovering stuff” and it happens to a lot of people. I do not think that it was normal. How normal is it for an 8 year old to duct tape another child? To shove their fucking panties in your mouth while saying stuff you’d hear in a stereotypical porno? That doesn’t seem like normal “discovery.”

My parents have told me to never say I was  raped or molested because a lot of kids go through discovery like that. I’m finding it very hard to believe them so I’m asking the people of Reddit if anything like that happened with another kid at that age.

I’ve only had anxiety once in my life before so once my mind unblocked the event I got anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve been told that they are unrelated though and it’s normal for someone t age. I am aware but a lot of teenagers have depression but I don’t believe them when they say it’s unrelated. They also aren’t giving me anything to help the anxiety, they say I’m at the age where I have to deal with the anxiety without using drugs or else I will turn into a weak adult which I agree with (in a way) but that doesn’t make it easier. They don’t know how far the depressions gone. They don’t know how much I’ve cut or that I put bleach in a shot glass (until I eventually pussyed out) I’m a pussy when it comes to pain, I just can’t deal with it and I’m called a fag when I cry. If I were to kill my self it would be from a gun or perhaps jumping from a building. Quick and painless. Bleach takes to long and hanging makes you suffer. 

TL:DR- I was raped/molested as a child however because it was another child who did it no ones willing to call it that, just discovery 


Edit: typos and I really want to clarify I’m not posting this here for pity or for you to tell me I have so much to live for. I’m posting this here because I want to see if it is all “normal discovery” and to see if other people went through the same thing. Don’t tell me that people care about me because you don’t know me. ",2.6144297530288902,4.028699752155173,4.152534948741849,87.62704100652378,75.1853448275862,7.5162162162162165,25.68709226467847,8.186683628785799,1.4652913094128603,1751,61,379,29,37,584,206,464,0.124,0.7909999999999999,0.085,-0.9526,5,0,1,1,0,1,32.0,0,5,9,0,21,18,7,1,21,0,36,8,1,6,3,66,74,35,2,13,19,2,2,3,0,3,4,5,0,9,39,16,0,0,8,0,0,8,15,14,0,1,19,10,47,4,50,50,9,42,0,4,3,3,44,13,1,13,21,248,86,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471167227036517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869575325386379,0.2093499984664989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259988716399585,0.0,0.06395904857783369,0.07783225429663346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682127131848726,0.0,0.05821636167312904,0.15416117788174416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957894120037446,0.0,0.06975393450400444,0.0,0.0,0.058933703201876325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515096921105865,0.0,0.14106629289034095,0.11785195559843994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934000086536644,0.0,0.057152185046840484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506064739572914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324882112414737,0.0,0.0656301677314696,0.07776395705865374,0.0,0.054717946842615994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099880694871558,0.0,0.12257330005972393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710898940932226,0.0,0.04585731801683575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138273478819475,0.0,0.11279774101607762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832373339979745,0.10027274560648684,0.0,0.060411942985205365,0.06054536720994168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449266576405062,0.0,0.0,0.09133545725362614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907992673051176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058620106242354,0.0,0.05276607926268923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021946729161782,0.0,0.0,0.0717903244854076,0.14572007426716854,0.04635996227210209,0.05203290104158646,0.07279867832539323,0.08027058662237163,0.15193413733275254,0.07408707793195965,0.0,0.18972215504047324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104584720445242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877624977512993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382857829643737,0.0,0.06755183232145473,0.0,0.0775011720390479,0.0,0.0,0.2176262969197336,0.0,0.0,0.10903623596910487,0.0622826986499378,0.0713720546909533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796804215564581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566382478243871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143977389066807,0.0,0.11959593518389552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045452070014667466,0.0438377469907353,0.067217662253812,0.0,0.039893498178801216,0.0,0.0,0.19612118703420447,0.0,0.0,0.07441617539551405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908883300006909,0.0,0.11289953704549058,0.08070620586416226,0.054304862385018034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342164716897271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594988558846003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486002498250465,0.0,0.0,0.044057195281861423
suicidewatch,DeadGirIfriends,2018/01/30,"Coyote in a bear trap In September I attempted to jump a 270 foot bridge after driving six hours to reach a bridge high enough to kill me upon impact over water(I wanted to die of internal injuries/less of a clean up). My partner at the time cheated on me while I was in the hospital recovering, and then lied to me even though he was publicly chatting with the person in question and had them plastered on all their social media. 
 I hate my state. I hate the room I'm in. I have no room at all. They put me on lithium and klonopin and the only thing it did was curb my impulse to commit suicide, sleep 16 hours a day, and turn my piss orange despite all the water I was drinking.

 I finally started taking testosterone after waiting almost five years, instead having to watch my greedy motherfucker of a father die of stage 4 cancer, lest I hurt the dead's feelings. After a few weeks on testosterone, I had a scare in which they gave me the wrong needles(retracting ones) and I went to the ER with the thought I had a needle lodged into my leg. 
 On top of out of state medical bills, I also have instate ones, and now ones coming in for a needle that was never fucking there. My insurance spiked its rates another $100 as a big fuck you happy new year to me. Luckily, since I left my job after telling my boss I was suicidal and losing 40+ hours of paid time off, I am now on medicaid(whatever it is for young people). My therapist and my psychologist don't take it though, so I've stopped taking my medications. Mostly because all I fucking do is sleep. 
 It smells like absolute shit every time I leave my house and have to travel from point A to B in this god forsaken area, the jobs are pathetic with pathetic pay and wouldn't give me any meaning to life except another step closer to a heart attack. 

 I feel enormously excluded from my friends ever since my transition started to show more. I'm not invited out anymore, nobody talks to me, and everyone says to just reach out but when I do I focus on them and say I'm all good. 
 I would drug myself heavier and drive back out but my piece of shit car couldn't make it-having been in and out of the shop more than four times in less than two months once I was out of the hospital and doing ubereats for shit pay. 
 I'm filled with hate and despite all the shit I've ""overcome"" from childhood neglect and abuse, to watching my father die and not feeling shit or dropping a single tear while I watched or at his wake, stalking ex's, finally starting my transition-I just no longer feel like it's worth it anymore.
 I'm taking up oxygen and only making the weight of the world worse. Nobody wants me around, except for the money I inherited. 
 I want to end it but I can't work up the guts to do it. I wish there was a simpler method. If I went for it again, I financially, and emotionally could not risk failure. I want to become nothing and cease to exist. I'm tired of this plane. I'm tired of getting punched in the fucking face every time I try to open a door. I'm tired of being the outsider, the white elephant in the room, just because I'm trying to be happy. 
 All it's doing is making everyone around me feel terrible and walk away despite my attempts to just be happy and encourage them because I'm fucking sick of being alone. I'm alone now and I've always been alone. I don't foresee it changing. 
 I just need to get it off my chest because no one else will listen-or rather- I won't let them listen. I don't want to worry them but at the same time I'm trying to scream out for someone to come and help me. I've sacrificed so much for others and I've gotten shit in return. 

 So, as a coyote stuck in a bear trap, do I wait for the hunter to come and kill me(get attacked in some new buttfuck way by someone I decide to trust because I'm so lonely) or do I chew my leg off and bleed to death on my own terms?
 I have no purpose. I see no purpose. Except for going to school just to probably fail like my father said I would, or end up in debt up to where the noose is. I hate this world. There's wonderful people in it, I believe a lot of people are inherently good but I'm just a cancer clinging onto it.",5.235319148936171,5.177622442080377,6.044733806146574,81.86120000000003,68.07801418439715,8.706534278959811,30.04056737588652,8.302211771458257,2.0231374751773052,3270,111,665,41,50,1078,375,846,0.21,0.706,0.084,-0.9989,4,5,3,0,1,4,82.0,0,1,8,6,30,42,21,2,45,0,49,37,17,4,10,117,116,52,9,14,24,4,6,3,2,5,11,5,5,2,22,47,4,5,10,5,9,15,16,31,1,8,22,17,88,11,129,82,21,129,0,5,5,5,32,66,12,11,46,440,110,8,0.0,0.06345659258950664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053629857225091636,0.1664075007620621,0.0,0.042829719607739736,0.044563928762593054,0.0,0.0,0.03642077177115397,0.1123189088173404,0.0,0.0,0.10622881668529156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535462824582228,0.0,0.12185822474919054,0.05031880657660447,0.04118222525480079,0.0,0.1632400358709095,0.059149783314747975,0.0,0.06034068919010509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665647717425951,0.13840450559300388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276111225452199,0.0,0.0,0.03454000051475774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675193357797988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246572305411867,0.06210941559141622,0.0,0.0447402164647726,0.06024470626717799,0.09487166731591108,0.05533896392889279,0.0,0.03537406357947149,0.04844560577196302,0.09024859898247042,0.1023525096960813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540079346348236,0.038261315579572935,0.0,0.11733871583538535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041378204420107666,0.24756410852155786,0.08394436991238913,0.05137700174575582,0.030437823760456437,0.08984257345080074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103809004361226,0.0,0.2115068158170901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346560820523202,0.0358983008766096,0.056586183224187035,0.0,0.0,0.15822933154619329,0.0617978846143093,0.05733415203160513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629462843097852,0.0,0.11850634088446835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670940281333745,0.058190117163170886,0.05476592458119449,0.03782907496749191,0.07849611244564841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991687191501983,0.0,0.04553246524404127,0.0,0.0,0.10724965611779673,0.0,0.0,0.05833955444901665,0.0,0.1079066051833358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274889210489849,0.0,0.039370746763344906,0.03971202793959352,0.041306658814098535,0.10345186638513346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051389633180086235,0.0,0.0,0.057036731497077525,0.14516713547540575,0.08146541567860371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138957693897264,0.046764131596344,0.0,0.0,0.05062891973219796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774378213994275,0.0,0.0,0.0538398365706,0.059996385742867565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094521653127716,0.08518176185771237,0.053620158065240835,0.05420280404597591,0.042678200280213616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298545321490254,0.0886062339775112,0.0,0.10719187215880993,0.05459487956846863,0.09075778124518204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372430790622284,0.0,0.0,0.04477626554605789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716589438918773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107356993481567,0.04304729500102093,0.04681140383389595,0.0,0.0,0.06218410407832214,0.03558106220368632,0.0,0.10523946746836674,0.04251848018499957,0.18737800585511455,0.18466856729695316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908558709841897,0.058254916989562075,0.05231765856814705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794729096769386,0.04251125825205363,0.042960401577632916,0.06521831143092725,0.0,0.09929622885167837,0.0,0.0,0.061588203187432224,0.0,0.058080561341757764,0.038990321446477766,0.05438999489344465,0.05457942108865983,0.07609107842972357,0.0585564537012676,0.0,0.06897823598960394
suicidewatch,spoopy_elliot,2018/01/30,"Is thRre even a point did you know that 100 trillion years or so, the universe itself will collapse? What’s the point of living. If people were to miss me when I die, they will eventually die too. Nothing I do or can do matters. So I ask, what is the point of living a life of pain and suffering just waiting for it to get better? There is literally no point in my existence. My life is just a nanosecond in the universe. I am useless. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to go on living like this. A life where I’m in costant pain is not a life at all. I don’t have a purpose. I just feel so fucking empty. Anything I do will never matter. Just like my life. I want to end it all. I can’t find the point of living anymore...",-0.13876933895921084,1.9289711708860795,2.1725738396624514,95.12049226441636,87.29113924050633,4.523769338959212,20.80309423347398,5.82211442006289,-0.0483049226441632,567,19,130,4,18,192,83,158,0.194,0.7340000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,1,1,13,9,1,0,11,0,21,8,0,0,3,22,33,8,2,3,9,0,1,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,2,1,17,3,15,28,2,16,0,3,0,1,3,11,1,3,6,95,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335562261768062,0.0,0.0,0.09689967202647948,0.0,0.11008200783169983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414186986814628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441548931452914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429311593976186,0.0,0.0,0.07777393227146527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595388319844755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762298276920676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885961216044712,0.061520438795217076,0.0,0.06692104338870257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942658452065914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41585778063129936,0.1150551320217194,0.0,0.4159078740974497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081742270719982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298599725260022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505923667016738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163424965427983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565674078386792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890608730981846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582827799820385
suicidewatch,M_An_M,2018/01/30,"Sick of everything. I've kind of come to the realization that through analyzing my life choices and decisions that I've made over the past few years, and I honestly can't help to think just how much of a pathetic person I am in regards to society. Objectively speaking, I'm just another person in my parents house just taking valuable resources from them everyday without much of a trade off. 

I have grown up without any friends in my life at all because I was just too different from everybody else. I have failed college and I don't have anything to show for the 2 years that I have been to it. I'm literally just a walking waste of space. This isn't really me moping about how lonely or depressed I am, these are facts. Cold reality. There are people who are much younger than me who have the world on their shoulders and are living life to the fullest, while I'm just laying in my bed not really doing anything productive in my life.

So far its been 23 years since I was born and I can safely say that I've pretty much had enough of this stupid shit. I'm honestly to the point where life simply isn't really interesting to me anymore. I don't feel any pleasure from anything and it feels very pointless and disingenuous. I would honestly be comfortable killing myself someday where I don't have enough restraint left to have to deal with life and it's stupidity. 

I've kind of come to terms knowing that my life is always going to be like this, and there's nothing that I can possibly do to change any of it for the better because some things are already set in stone for the rest of my life. I just refuse to have to go though yet another 10 years of being broke, lonely and a failure. I just can't find the willpower to do it. I know that my eventual suicide will hurt my family, but they contributed as to why I'm feeling this way right now.


There have been horrible things done to me by them and other people and I'm simply just expected to just tolerate it and forgive and forget, like nothing happened. They get away scot free from the things that they have done while I suffer from the repercussions of it, and that doesn't really seem fair at all to me, but its expected of you to do it. That to me just speaks for itself how stupid this existence is, and I'm just full of so much anger and bitterness because of this fact.


People may say that you only live once, so make the most out of it. I'll be finally glad when I die though, because for once, I don't have to deal with this nonsense any longer than I should.",6.715450997717397,6.118726419483102,6.877146012812016,78.93825196966351,65.12326043737575,10.473720639128196,33.14255209483838,9.906371001090498,2.9576275531993232,2011,73,404,38,27,648,228,503,0.152,0.78,0.068,-0.992,3,4,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,2,6,2,30,31,7,0,16,0,51,11,2,5,4,69,74,32,3,4,18,1,3,2,1,4,9,4,1,2,37,22,0,2,10,1,2,6,12,14,0,0,9,9,45,18,72,57,15,45,0,7,0,0,23,23,1,5,16,287,82,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308532955303864,0.0,0.0626480219060765,0.0,0.0,0.20480145006162168,0.15789805018182854,0.0,0.0,0.07466829585661394,0.0,0.0,0.1858738727985291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707382357038692,0.0,0.0,0.18358642295961505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658864186724009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964774026192932,0.12971280793011286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524312881220115,0.0648479021773144,0.0,0.07814001950117436,0.07866291753023014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409736802200474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289584735896131,0.0,0.0,0.15559115727637318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766656474270069,0.0,0.07097751638412639,0.0,0.11420795397358235,0.0,0.0,0.08247745030793344,0.06881447649611347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816952699020023,0.0,0.03933636367041248,0.0,0.0855790547497238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665794534909349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050465872335666635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687553670797951,0.0806004163496764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329817462111874,0.15680767662811387,0.08275576860352044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180373310836805,0.0,0.4254412540465869,0.07356661629834696,0.0,0.13296640685011935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124202645862951,0.0502572296507724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767372036281282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448720992991493,0.0,0.0,0.1603646044457055,0.0,0.05726208716033127,0.0,0.0,0.08360158323312042,0.0,0.07187363942737783,0.15659159436676434,0.13148213912080284,0.0,0.0,0.07117419313187072,0.08487912516333003,0.0,0.07659786601177497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293299587644744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429797788605443,0.0,0.11974861801995312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854196570402575,0.0,0.0,0.07728497961501071,0.06228137241680513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235597401479837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056609352103604314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150059693541816,0.04824333909596478,0.14794576345513472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212283960001569,0.0,0.05976237536007058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793828494138822,0.0,0.0,0.1451553928835151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348446244178194,0.0,0.0,0.19393936572964646
suicidewatch,Throwawastingaway,2018/01/30,"Everyones busy living and all I can ever think about is dying. I think I'm going to do it When I think about suicide, I always like to think that I'm working with statistics: 
Everything I have done to try and make things better for myself has failed, and all the friends I have ever had have left. I have lived in the 'lets give it one more day' mindset for years, it's done more damage. 
What's illogical, is thinking that it will get better, when it's evident that nothing's going to improve for me even after changing things. 

This is not a breakdown post this is an accumulation of years worth of unnecessary struggle. 
I wish I had done this earlier. 

I hope you all manage to find happiness.

See you all. 
",5.199992006394883,5.887479007194242,5.968585131894486,79.77903277378098,68.28057553956835,8.767705835331737,29.11350919264589,8.841846274778883,2.1923470823341327,558,19,108,9,9,183,82,139,0.092,0.737,0.172,0.8692,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,2,0,4,7,9,0,1,4,0,18,0,0,1,6,20,33,5,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,6,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,5,1,14,6,15,26,6,13,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,1,9,81,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263043702413565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394299965478545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431930254260084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729605896095305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048240116322186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155610993737702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940406178056201,0.24488189894852025,0.0,0.12934236520079131,0.12165291939015115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371666854803927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457886852702096,0.0,0.070720059410354,0.12984973094364022,0.15385651523083307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409333111847614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444310994868686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706913211105846,0.13841486132139375,0.0,0.06613010189285831,0.0,0.23905087594801416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035391009911213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988165550703445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917234990503196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963754770826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078644653296127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150775422771836,0.0,0.14806196688447082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985445615145348,0.4336663952477522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190061475790487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565742144248346,0.0,0.0,0.0985437564902164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433491795688333
suicidewatch,userpseudonym19,2018/01/30,"I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend about my struggle with suicidal thoughts. I [20F] have been struggling with anxiety and suicidal thoughts for a while but have just recently sought help through counseling. Being one of those people who believes they have to appear strong and perfect in front of everyone else, it’s been hard for me to tell my family and impossible to tell my friends (including my BF [20M] of one year). I think he’s figured out that I have issues with anxiety but I have yet to tell him about the other struggles I’m facing (mainly suicide). 

I read a post about someone who was contemplating leaving their SO bc of their history with suicide. I have never attempted though I have had moments that have come close and I’m terrified this would scare away my BF. Being far from my home right now for uni, I need my BF more than ever for support. I love him dearly and honestly see us spending the rest of our lives together. I believe he deserves to know the truth especially if their comes a time in the future where I really just need to discuss things with him. 

Is now the time for me to tell him about everything? How the heck do I even approach a conversation like that? Him leaving me might honestly push me over the edge. I’m a coward and I’m terrified of what consequences might come of this. 

TL;DR I’m afraid my boyfriend might leave me if I tell him about my suicidal thoughts and don’t know what to do",4.823924731182792,6.145591132616488,5.2031881720430135,82.60478225806455,69.57347670250897,9.020860215053764,30.79587813620072,9.3871,2.6932106093189963,1142,47,223,24,20,363,144,279,0.159,0.7020000000000001,0.139,-0.5122,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,2,0,4,3,18,15,0,5,12,0,23,2,1,2,4,44,44,16,5,5,6,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,13,17,0,0,8,1,1,7,3,5,0,2,7,2,41,10,39,31,3,29,0,0,1,1,30,9,1,6,13,158,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953562672214974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954471948005534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077492179998395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879190547595376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072600107773545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055919846986334856,0.0765835357264586,0.0,0.08090018648852294,0.07609064400715214,0.0,0.07981378916208326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541128232393695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584241394288455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674856911984471,0.0,0.08492500666122478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836733570563053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395875441355546,0.0,0.0,0.2689412078047413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041362608201357766,0.0,0.07475996134142439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764126658997348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694457279943355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555473141558154,0.06529818196351084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474118579834527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586954345265431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108481524388572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846870225487215,0.0,0.054237997607421436,0.0,0.0835955958928701,0.0,0.0,0.07230268840026001,0.0,0.0,0.08476354512268776,0.0,0.06746633515711445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173562670638557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26552793484538306,0.0,0.4630439807643904,0.09607583011757632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440009896617199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056247073496980715,0.054249343894221605,0.08318205942799346,0.20164154174951676,0.0987366482270484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184050140203936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601429554913312,0.0,0.0,0.054520911815237626
suicidewatch,lordofthstrings,2018/01/30,"Girlfriends ex suicide ***TRIGGER WARNING***



So my girl just confessed that her ex girlfriend is cutting and has been texting her and acting like they're together again. I know she only wants me and she's told me as much. The problem is she's afraid of upsetting this girl because she thinks she'll try to take her own life. Neither of us are sure what to do about this situation but I know she can't keep going on letting this girl think they're together. Any advice on what to do about this situation is hugely appreciated.



",1.7632814710042446,4.548854415841586,2.8790169731258817,87.27091584158418,89.0,5.261951909476663,25.03606789250354,6.868970318607317,1.2668721357850077,420,18,78,6,14,134,69,101,0.077,0.8420000000000001,0.081,0.3377,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,1,0,11,1,0,1,1,15,20,6,1,2,2,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,15,2,10,16,3,6,1,0,0,0,19,3,0,0,2,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612642344340605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040433887308036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482421419871052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569697282067607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658756731970264,0.0,0.0,0.24310036205312116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261630459443323,0.15622011105135736,0.10805331978023826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258664629864705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682110426317971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163144500060502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972125103422579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24192593988406555,0.0,0.20845170781176384,0.0,0.16629359166381302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834357869858905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113390354488896,0.0,0.15016106478294688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660423204214946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045279778285904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OrganicArchitect,2018/01/30,"I feel hollow. I don’t really know how to start this, but I’m a college freshman and I’m currently a 19 year old male.
I feel empty inside. I guess that’s all I can really say. I’m currently studying chemical engineering, and I can’t even find the motivation to get up and go to class anymore. I feel intensely alone, and not in the arena of friends... I just feel empty, drifting through my life like dandelion seed. I want to succeed, and I have all the resources to do so, but I just want to lay in bed and drown out the world. I’m tired of being viewed as an accessory. Most people just view you as an extension of themselves, and rather than actually caring about your emotional health, they just want to alleviate how they feel about your situation.
I want to die, and I’ve been planning on killing myself for about seven years now. The only thing keeping me from doing so is the little family I have left.",3.69213101815312,5.202683552486189,5.228938437253358,80.60089779005527,72.59116022099448,8.707340173638517,27.29321231254933,9.23628265651192,2.294833938437254,717,26,142,16,14,242,112,181,0.14400000000000002,0.738,0.118,-0.8761,2,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,3,2,3,14,5,1,0,10,0,10,3,0,3,2,36,30,16,3,5,8,0,5,1,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,8,21,4,25,28,3,17,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,2,8,95,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.15645590643561127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660502945467851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900118281180167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346393832710196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639398801176006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034615942318347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589439147493793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151141912757615,0.0,0.4053304364319639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653586280404962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386814897725565,0.0,0.08376417700922735,0.0,0.09111746004791622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661813258770945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041997511269502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425058965956544,0.17737793716700598,0.0,0.08811145976685619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741956231012515,0.0,0.11324361603926912,0.07832761463688223,0.16068965210130473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823608958562206,0.0,0.0,0.12193581605570655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115047083487603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054190081335728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749836919952046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802141293850737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348019012651855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106514054333239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427216232901192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782597885496037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649050705536456
suicidewatch,confused_marbles,2018/01/30,"I shouldn't feel this way.  I'm married to my best friend. I have a good job and make enough to keep the bills paid and keep food on the table.

On the outside, I appear to be perfectly normal. Happy. Energetic. Full of life.

But I'm not, and I can give a little backstory as to why.

**Potential trigger warning ahead. Abuse and crap.**

I'm in my mid-20's. I've only been in a safe environment in the last few years.

From four years old to about 20 years old, I was subject to abuse.

I was molested for the first time at five years old, and continued being molested for the next 10 years.

I was kept locked in my room for up to four or five days at a time with no food, very little water, and one bathroom break a day starting at six years old. My parents were the most addicted to meth, but would take any drug they could get their hands on, as often as they could get it.

One of the earliest memories I have of my mother is of her forcing me to sit next to her while she ""taught"" me how to smoke meth. (I didn't smoke, of course. But she wanted me to.)

I've been physically abused in almost every way imaginable: burned, bitten, beaten with a golf club, thrown, hair pulled, stabbed, cut, et cetera. At one point, my stepfather tried to drown me. 

I've been mentally abused just as much. No words can describe that part of the abuse. You just had to be there. 

I ran away from home at 15 years old, then ended up in foster care. My foster parents were extremely manipulative and mentally abusive, and my foster father liked to kiss me and make me sit on his lap and call him Dad. 

They were also part of a very strict religion, and  I was in constant fear of dying at Armageddon if I didn't obey every single rule. 

I've been ""free"" for a few years now, but not unscathed. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, and PTSD.

I was on medications for about a year: seroquel, risperidone, lamictal, lithium, and I tried geodon and ativan for a while. However, I had serious side effects: constant vomiting, surprise lactation, weight gain, loss of sex drive, tremors, visual and auditory hallucinations, not to mention an absence of anything resembling emotions. I was a zombie with no soul. I almost lost my marriage because my husband was convinced I didn't love him anymore, that I was bored and not attracted to him anymore. I stopped writing music, stopped loving everything. 


With the consent of my doctor, I weaned myself off all the medications on controlled, decreasing doses. I've been free of meds for almost a year. 


For a while, after I had adjusted to life without meds, I was doing really well. Sure, I had ups and downs, but I could *feel* again. 


Lately, though, I've been spiralling. 


It's like now that my brain has a chance to breathe, all of the trauma is rushing back. All the emotions I stuffed deep down are coming back with a vengeance. 

I hate myself. I hate myself because I can't stop this rollercoaster, and I'll never be able to without medication, and I can't take medication without becoming violently ill and losing everything that makes me human. I hate myself because I snap at my wonderful husband who has been nothing supportive, and he thinks it's because of him. 

I don't know why I keep fighting. What's the point? The longer I'm alive, the more pain I'll cause. The longer I'm here, the more of a burden I become to those around me. 

I shouldn't feel this way. I should be grateful that I made it this far. I'm just tired of pretending to be okay and be strong for everyone else, when really I'm just an broken,  empty puppet suspended on a few, tired strings.

I'm just tired. 


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suicidewatch,stezenk,2018/01/30,"so I'm looking for a place to talk to someone except i don't want to have to call someone and answer a copy and paste quiz or give away my location, i just want to talk anonymously",15.339999999999995,5.00000146153846,14.143076923076926,63.12692307692308,60.02564102564103,17.65128205128205,51.82051282051282,11.20814326018867,5.617851282051282,143,5,32,2,1,48,28,39,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.1139,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,8,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,20,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266798295435824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899641771587496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27240901410297275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384625051545493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710806156697031,0.0,0.0,0.2966872456210589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812121546819471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564871749059061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349846378787505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carelesswhisper127,2018/01/30,I took the pills this time I’m thinking about taking a shower and making sure I’m presentable. ,7.157894736842106,6.470840578947367,6.725263157894743,80.68684210526318,64.26315789473685,7.6,29.52631578947368,3.1291,1.2575894736842097,77,2,14,0,1,24,16,19,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33869429084625546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782196964846544,0.0,0.381502611648662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251222488128551,0.0,0.0,0.2958697636455755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5637414858201503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymous_Writer_,2018/01/30,"Ive never felt this way, i dont know how much longer i can do this. I dont feel like writing a rhyme. Im just to heartbroken. The way i think is so wrong. I really need to stop but i cant. Depressed to the point of wanting to stab myself over and over. Ill never tell her. I just want her to be happy even if it means without me. How do i do that while wanting to kill myself. Ill save her as long as i can but shes the only one whos accepted me for who i am. Cuddling was good it made me happy for awhile. Her kiss made me thrilled to the point of wanting her in my arms forever. But my mind takes this shit to the point of actually wanting love, why? I asked her and i fucked up. I really really fucked up. I should of kept my mouth shut but the first moment i open up I feel like crying. I cant stay mute forever. The only way to do that is by dying. But it would hurt her and thats never what i want. I just want her to smile so i can smile aswell. If im crying because of thoughts about her i wont tell. If im cutting because of thoughts about her i wont tell. I just need to bleed the feelings i have for her away. I just need to cling to fantasies while gazing in her eyes like a snake. Tommarow im supposed to visit her again but Ill cry when i see her. I want to die i want to die. Shes always on my mind and im sorry... im so sorry i took everything wrong. Ive never dont anything with anyone else but her. I lost my job im in debt and all i can think about is her. I cant go on while crying every night. She says im cute and everything. She never wants to hurt me im her only friend after her breakup and all her friends turned on her. I cant do this for much longer without dying. But id gladly give my life to make 1 other person happy for a moment.",-1.845256387189636,0.04975235264483757,1.0257030406621084,100.33559666246849,97.26196473551641,3.843270960777258,14.394071608492265,5.543175910156928,-1.0471021590500182,1352,29,339,10,56,466,157,397,0.229,0.616,0.155,-0.9909,2,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,0,2,16,27,5,0,11,0,31,14,4,5,7,71,70,29,5,18,18,0,4,3,2,4,5,1,0,1,13,9,0,2,11,1,1,3,16,11,0,2,9,7,72,16,51,56,4,41,0,4,2,5,38,17,3,3,20,219,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0548453675472892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676484147501807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03929797644326912,0.0575859295574608,0.04624972947431442,0.0,0.05254159251245146,0.0,0.05280393982548142,0.0,0.0,0.06852083837174817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24694248516834136,0.0,0.0,0.04840698513763355,0.0,0.2333165845399375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760613926598372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694983563229582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037121109416407234,0.0,0.04735288765989995,0.0,0.10102206189672253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525276138435743,0.08030191266288406,0.053963051241074096,0.0,0.0,0.047805673841508606,0.0,0.0,0.08684356267311434,0.10391629832810254,0.0,0.053914396885913034,0.031941079759491536,0.04713984854788072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948527854647744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033151498586975,0.0,0.5463734543943545,0.0,0.05577214112676249,0.0,0.06217955192831326,0.0,0.030887331172953888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039697368322837163,0.08237285977369342,0.0,0.0,0.049737294146742335,0.0,0.0,0.061351483131792624,0.0,0.050724797804911514,0.1063600085790962,0.03751549220684948,0.0,0.0,0.061220814485762574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134966651871821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263035967719165,0.12501994838516914,0.21673351126589224,0.0,0.0,0.05274208017681697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038084153857122834,0.12823321537252666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907370740291659,0.0,0.0,0.15938810632749187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801395670148743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469434922423647,0.0,0.0,0.04478598108294635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057690884885631476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258278158875844,0.0,0.05990420664216325,0.0,0.04698766509703192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225715827225121,0.0,0.14736994293147354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202436841280398,0.0,0.0892367455393313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244285743677872,0.0,0.06113199697159484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33149590839992904,0.13383238248484022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050713861806073485,0.0,0.0,0.1083540825537723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03992452325496152,0.12289685181337115,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MintiesAndMilkshakes,2018/01/30,"Over and over again.... I’m sorry for such a long post but I’ll make it as quick as possible. 

I’m 18 years old (female) and I’ve just finished high school. I’m on Zoloft, I’ve seen psychologists almost my entire life; once when I was very young for what I suspect was CSA (I’m not sure if I have a right to title it that, I can’t remember very clearly) once for ARFID (a rather uncommon eating disorder) and most recently for anxiety and depression. 

I’m constantly stuck in a vicious loop of feeling victorious and feeling like absolute shit. I have hobbies, a loving family and great friends; but no matter what, I’m too scared nowadays to even enjoy any of the better aspects of my life because I’m scared of being disappointed when they inevitably slip away into this void that seems intent on swallowing up almost everything.

I’ve deferred uni for one year but the mere thought of going in 2019 makes me feel ill. I’m trying to get a job, I had my first interview last week. I have this constant fear of fucking up however that means my hesitance to enter the workforce makes me look lazy in front of my family. 

To put it simply, I don’t feel like I belong in this world. I want to die, but I know it isn’t that easy; I know a wrong cut or not enough pills can just leave me permanently damaged and even worse off. I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like I wasn’t meant to live this life. I don’t feel right here. 

I have some coping strategies but but even then fear of judgement makes me anxious to use them (not all are self harm related). 

If I were hit by a truck right now, it’d be a blessing, it’s better than this constant stream of false hope and fear I’m trapped in.",3.622258064516128,4.790754123167158,4.574761290322584,86.55814193548392,72.28445747800586,7.919343108504398,26.249970674486804,8.364918446050245,1.566898322580645,1320,43,278,21,25,429,190,341,0.245,0.619,0.136,-0.9929,2,1,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,3,14,27,5,5,12,0,18,11,1,6,3,56,55,23,1,5,16,0,6,3,1,0,6,1,0,1,18,9,2,0,15,0,0,4,9,15,0,2,9,9,29,12,40,42,4,43,1,3,2,2,6,19,2,9,22,159,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751660262266022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060276980065179474,0.0,0.06780794048699286,0.10013587721744596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327845768836405,0.0,0.0,0.05403299221584965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567864773297777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28735904561969755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634390685485046,0.0,0.09199240330276648,0.0,0.1015869966776385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069895378176167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915869011927824,0.0,0.17563398205303618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966225186096516,0.0,0.16712031438740915,0.29922767758769825,0.2689086649681136,0.18996933159039306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539556327485662,0.0,0.0,0.06848161314745048,0.08194453938522382,0.04630977384358717,0.0,0.050375102086375904,0.0,0.0,0.09772387091760217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365106976866362,0.0,0.0880376808003737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795968464408445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461396239008692,0.07225192086844633,0.0,0.09385500022805993,0.0,0.0,0.1878232354899471,0.12991236525163072,0.0,0.07826910847195323,0.07844197156164445,0.07443372010055171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999938909309652,0.0,0.23666660788811936,0.0,0.0,0.09655292816502033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930108256203769,0.18879346923424106,0.06006350295204766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992619356709656,0.0848908437869326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910582060342077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751947760961691,0.0,0.10040974253242067,0.227089481843195,0.0,0.0,0.1774844980825012,0.0897065377824804,0.0,0.08069284078070088,0.09246891946250503,0.0,0.0909857849969349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992231495987423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354040535310106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036878841054127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017948402489754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655490042252305,0.0,0.14627150981736903,0.052281076133314085,0.0,0.07110017562939294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032984522134267,0.0,0.09691190001729824,0.0,0.11416012219075675
suicidewatch,bananacat2,2018/01/30,"I'm worthless I thought by finally finding love with him, it meant I was truly worth something.  But now my love is gone and I hurt my best friend in the process. She says she forgives me, but I don't know if she thinks of me the same.

I ruin everything.  I ruined the most wonderful relationship of my life.  I have no skills.  I should just die.  I hate myself.  I hate myself.  I can't even do an easy job, like working at a coffee shop right.  I'm so worthless.  

There is no point in living anymore, I should just do everyone a favor and end it all, so they never have to see my hideous face again

",1.2330487804878023,3.2067114308943085,2.797743902439024,93.26051829268292,81.03252032520325,5.726016260162603,22.445121951219512,6.816661863887847,0.4953853658536586,458,15,102,5,12,150,82,123,0.25,0.547,0.204,-0.9024,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,3,8,14,2,0,6,0,11,4,1,0,2,21,24,7,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,1,2,1,5,7,0,0,4,2,25,7,8,18,4,11,0,5,1,2,11,5,0,3,6,72,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802301416301173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896372622381805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676519766274966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792107268081755,0.0,0.0,0.12522285882390258,0.0,0.0,0.18116202345752666,0.1703918820567565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768732739203166,0.1732824506092287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464772922919911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743630990804075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296074861493546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813949971916788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419408179671463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339135070939973,0.09262443169153776,0.0,0.16741204758706346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34222598916119384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622402352911285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922447766817864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354944246888976,0.0,0.16190940837779635,0.0,0.15077012166718926,0.0,0.0,0.1510792288972099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595617123911342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148205508172302,0.0,0.15051382574839167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560300958843386,0.13802427609205462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inevetablylost,2018/01/30,"I feel like a freight train careening towards a cliff I feel totally out of control.  my life is full of manipulations by everyone around me.  I hate everything.  nothing brings me joy anymore.  how did I end up so out of control?  I'm emaciated and I can't even peel the leeches off fast enough.  why can't people just be decent.  everyone is out for themselves and if they can stomp you into the ground to gain the illusion of control or even a momentary satisfaction they'll do it.

I pretty much think about it all the time.  Is there life before death?  Why does the world have to be so cruel?  I've worked my guts out for years and have nothing to show for it.  I'm used up.  I'm sick.  I'm tired.  I just want it to end.",1.0425255102040794,3.2982461904761915,2.9237372448979606,90.46478954081637,83.6938775510204,6.39608843537415,22.792942176870746,7.6454224807358475,1.0282248299319727,558,20,122,10,16,186,90,147,0.145,0.768,0.087,-0.8996,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,2,5,10,4,2,0,8,0,13,5,1,6,2,25,24,8,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,14,2,23,20,5,19,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,2,6,79,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150941470343934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600004561463713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999827045791695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140425427847605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369237300723852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706224400401011,0.15785498317279453,0.0,0.20180978517291728,0.0,0.0,0.2919616224931276,0.13730220439001564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544928813717939,0.10914080962453808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083136040746492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158156773628377,0.0746369985360243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230547387576492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931789504162805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591331763950762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542470487423785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789054358231658,0.0,0.0,0.08908295909797405,0.17558968409468653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194651593851148,0.0,0.0,0.0901092654713626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27570710351262057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122030661333243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983805758942209
suicidewatch,ewKathyy,2018/01/30,"Really bad mood swings Lately I've been going through these intensive mood swings where one little thing will make me think about death and more. I just sometimes feel people I'm always surrounded by do these things to set me off.

For example, I love my parents, but they love keeping the doors in the house wide open. Like, THE FRONT DOOR TO THE HOUSE. SO ANYBODY CAN WALK IN. My mom gets home from work at 7:30PM, and I was running out to say hello, and the front door was wide open. I ran back to my room, and I'm typing about this now.

I'm on Prozac and it works fine, along with a few birth control pills. Even though these pills make me feel better, I still go through these mood swings. I seriously need help, and I don't know how to bring it up to my counselors. I mean, like I want to live and stuff, but when I get set off it just puts me in this hole of thoughts like, ""Why am I here?""

Thank you for reading this.",3.13825396825397,4.2514263968253925,3.1607142857142883,96.44678571428574,73.39153439153439,6.458201058201059,21.436507936507933,6.5431188927421005,0.016803174603174487,715,15,168,5,14,216,118,189,0.035,0.802,0.16399999999999998,0.9789,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,1,4,14,13,0,0,6,0,8,5,0,4,0,29,31,13,1,2,4,2,2,3,0,1,3,1,5,0,13,12,0,2,6,1,0,9,1,2,0,1,5,3,21,8,27,25,2,34,0,0,0,2,9,17,0,0,9,99,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384021247029806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444268194403795,0.12426856929812395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316298792212583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692783211853462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830218455282974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050794215647972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551723698654535,0.0,0.16916940073705827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099759005350841,0.0,0.14929071032690938,0.0,0.0,0.3434644733242192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228879029280718,0.0,0.0,0.08179421835830336,0.0,0.16788906785295546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813550809553595,0.14916884281195328,0.13142145254336998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686535242946944,0.0,0.198693136950156,0.0,0.0,0.16212176571948078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431033220899247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035710078133404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085246857806844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526041071120764,0.0,0.0,0.10318142391639168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496173471551268,0.0,0.0,0.1488723551380324,0.0,0.09534564091142082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835724295372488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719873182044246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885749059453365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037712276503544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702458218144084,0.0,0.0,0.19775484009489333,0.0953655866880838,0.14622676201838095,0.11815604607205007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778501633799414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342978020059897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670305227981268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unchainedboar,2018/01/30,"Job making me think of offing myself again I havnt made one of these posts for a while I have had depression for almost all my life, I am 26 now and I have had this job for almost 5 months and at work and the anticipation of going to work makes me think of killing myself again, it's not even that is a terrible Job, I don't think there would really be a job that insolent hate it's the obligation and I don't understand why it does this to me because everyone has to work. But I can't stop it stabbing myself hanging myself this is all I think about I don't really have any friends and have never had a relationship so all I have is my free time to read or play video games and I'm so tired after work I don't even get to really do that besides the weekend...

Idk it's just so it of complaining but I really think I might kill myself this time, I have thought about it for so long I need to just do it already ",1.6236018099547531,3.2395519333333347,3.5276319758672727,90.20158371040723,78.38461538461539,7.254901960784314,20.701357466063357,8.124751697461798,0.7799592760180993,717,18,164,13,17,242,94,195,0.117,0.835,0.047,-0.9303,4,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,4,14,9,3,0,7,0,24,2,0,3,4,32,39,14,2,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,16,6,0,1,7,5,1,2,7,6,0,1,5,0,25,4,20,31,3,16,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,4,12,120,41,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099436231458656,0.0,0.1272814749849119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843572019008327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031069993706579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934288860871454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009355383532937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236306195483626,0.0,0.0,0.11021310670897204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911203980675006,0.0,0.06026082360685407,0.0,0.06555085220794557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387519138779036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578319089835663,0.0,0.2552150803604532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146863986967805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207300574638194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091382829838803,0.15398180046989565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235839438157252,0.0,0.0,0.09206395077634123,0.0,0.0,0.08552376460396009,0.08895795929552361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815793203456374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046463281292274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537204372639485,0.0,0.2955611588774646,0.0,0.0,0.12383288724214934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964300992190695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36952873578071344,0.0,0.09156773600661564,0.13451233204113475,0.13256731775134525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007387263761594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040771597320922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358779942735338,0.0,0.0,0.08193481695248518,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fairclouds,2018/01/30,"I think I have decided I won't do it, not for a while anyways. I can't say that I've been the happiest person, but I was never sure if I had the conviction to go through with ""it"". I decided to go to a nearby forest with a gun and see if it felt right. After spending most of the night alone, with nobody knowing where I was, I decided to keep on going. 

Unfortunately, whenever my brain starts getting hot (hyperactive, panicky - I'm not sure I have a better way of describing how it feels) I recently started cutting myself. I know that it is a very unhealthy way of coping, and I know I need to stop, but it is such a quick release that I am having trouble stopping myself. I know how to dress a wound, so I'm about as safe as one can be for this kind of thing. 

Sorry for rambling, and I don't know if this follows the rules - first and probably only time posting here. I don't even know what I am doing here, because according to myself I'm fine.

Right?",2.8051438240270734,4.003260411167517,4.806111675126903,83.9970524534687,74.32994923857869,7.689881556683588,27.346531302876482,8.238735603445708,1.7867816582064298,739,28,154,12,15,255,112,197,0.19,0.765,0.045,-0.9771,0,1,0,1,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,1,0,11,0,19,2,1,2,3,37,41,15,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,13,7,0,4,12,0,1,4,7,2,0,2,5,5,23,6,23,34,1,23,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,4,12,115,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139296106789504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910677324814653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292796910819802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317936827478036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654704636104544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391034764480674,0.0,0.14035068703126327,0.0,0.0,0.12433617101586775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637027578574535,0.0,0.24922344376365466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992683761348428,0.0,0.1522185122365361,0.4820029317452598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838672786239027,0.11273898161530478,0.0,0.0,0.13717510440995762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905179629247987,0.11117248724724407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276341569049023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999500782685065,0.0,0.15760110790784232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432993484800555,0.0,0.0,0.2496648823346737,0.0,0.1162440313468075,0.0,0.0,0.11648235356966387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363066951655073,0.20692648637200475,0.0,0.0,0.2444172791083292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755359513358007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711201130277013,0.09366288003777314,0.0,0.0,0.0852356745203594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060948064742845,0.0,0.2320534315830909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justa_game,2018/01/30,"The moment right before death I sometimes think if I'd actually go through with it. I envision it usually with a gun (I don't own one but I can just go to a gun range and off myself that way). But the moment I think about pulling the trigger, it gets pretty real. My heart pounds very loud and also pulls as if it's being physically stressed. How is it for you all when you think about it?

I guess this is just a chill post, like let's talk about stuff.

Also side note, I'm a shit human and my mom is going to kick me out maybe (idk if it's empty threats), but if she does, I don't blame her for doing so, I just blame her for raising me to be handicapped, but also mostly blame myself because I'm aware of this but don't do anything to change it. She probably thinks that kicking me out will make me motivated, but that won't happen because I'm socially handicapped to survive on my own, a failure, have no friends, and have no ambitions. As soon as I'm kicked out, I will try to kill myself, prob at a gun range if I can manage it.

There is a loud buzzing in my ears right now

Edit: also when I say handicapped I just meant my social skills are so stunted there are times where I look back on myself and think that if I were an onlooker, I would have thought myself mentally incapable",5.1810112359550535,4.646990771535581,6.024659176029964,83.57249438202248,68.250936329588,9.21737827715356,29.41048689138577,8.648137234880735,1.939512059925094,1004,31,219,14,15,332,140,267,0.145,0.7709999999999999,0.084,-0.953,0,0,0,3,0,1,28.0,0,2,0,3,22,6,3,1,11,0,24,3,3,4,1,42,43,29,2,7,16,1,0,1,1,4,0,6,0,1,16,10,0,0,8,0,0,5,6,4,0,1,3,7,35,2,27,33,4,28,0,0,1,0,13,12,1,8,10,156,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.12257645590730805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017985144940624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336566567349824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658571829611406,0.0,0.15314039998299736,0.0,0.10688417420290723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287787413491764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992145384527682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704535320741674,0.0,0.06562562055788576,0.0,0.2141598021781133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837269064992505,0.0,0.11107579715188456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884750199086194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896796477305726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844391314694312,0.0,0.06136630837784132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548008911745327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384511367106577,0.0,0.12619132035979955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265845259240197,0.0,0.0,0.14711197218422836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511604197035755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029888813571585,0.1277897096068771,0.1354279580720455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297076434894795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453913405642927,0.0,0.09988947420703774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893603459471592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560855138732785,0.0,0.0,0.12423070661789193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438849095767844,0.0,0.14379247763114356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009599137165042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024265044532525,0.0,0.09971967090458628,0.07324373228350478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528039884898213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834078341041925,0.1036407415217056,0.0,0.09970273312192024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922916890223243,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nohomenofianceenojob,2018/01/30,Lost everything I just lost my fiancee she just broke up with me about 10 minutes ago her name is on the lease of our house but she's already moved out and I need her to help me get the electric and gas switched over from the landlords name which she won't so tomorrow morning I won't have heat or lights and I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my job soon I think I might end it all tonight,1.060147058823528,2.8586732941176467,2.0196323529411764,99.5070955882353,80.76470588235293,5.191176470588236,22.389705882352942,5.985473137389443,-0.0026176470588228358,310,10,75,2,8,97,63,85,0.1,0.777,0.123,0.6187,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,16,13,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,1,15,1,10,8,1,11,0,4,0,0,10,4,0,2,5,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827772914000908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592840356044288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810468610387647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211166761645638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275682329642965,0.0,0.1335330966254152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748863379228176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27111211900009624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331613948608988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26285997020967666,0.5129728604566505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492552689941186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497251349550132,0.0,0.17421975058999453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390386356419523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22144687669345708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055278373602105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AloneTheme,2018/01/30,"I'm Slowly Wanting to Die More and More When I get advice about why I shouldn't kill myself, I hear the same thing. ""You're worth it. Things will get better."" Those two things are incorrect, and always will be. I wish someone would just help, but at the same time it's like I want to stay depressed, as if I was born to be. 

For years, I've only been harassed. I make friends, they betray me, repeat. It even seems like my parents hardly care. On Saturday nights they moan as loud as they want like they don't give a shit about my sanity. 

It feels like I just stand out, I'm used to being lonely. I'm always hearing the same thing. ""I have 50 wins on Fortnite!"" Those people are just spoiled, and don't realize how lucky they are to be able to waste such time, or even having such good technology. I'm typing this on a cheap laptop with absolutely no RAM. I wasted all of my money on CoD WW2 just so I could try to fit in, but it doesn't even run on the laptop. So now I'm depressed and poor. Whenever I want to play games, I'm lucky to get half an hour before I have to get off and become a ""slave"" for my parents for the next 5 hours.

My teachers are using me as silencing tools. I'm constantly moved around classrooms, right in the middle of groups of idiots just so they will have no one to talk to.

My brother has autism. Because of this, he doesn't have the instinct that I want to hang out with him. I always want to hang out with him, but he always rejects me, his twin brother, and moves on to do his own things. I admit, he's incredibly talented for what he does (unlike me), but it just doesn't help that I never get to play games with him.

My parents refuse to give me therapy. I've begged them constantly, but it's always a no. I feel like they're literally trying to drive me insane. They're incredibly poor, we live in a house that's in terrible condition (mice in the walls), and the last time a friend came over was about 6 years ago.

Things are constantly turning for the worst. To put all of this short, I feel like I'm being used until I eventually just die, like I have no true purpose. If things keep doing this to me, I'm going to pack up and head out so I can finally die alone in the cold wilderness.",2.9869667519181604,4.048969052173916,4.10299232736573,89.74351662404095,73.69565217391305,7.150895140664963,22.44245524296675,7.5105763829236425,0.654704603580563,1724,41,384,20,34,562,213,460,0.183,0.6559999999999999,0.161,-0.9682,3,3,0,0,0,1,65.0,1,0,7,2,23,29,4,0,18,0,34,2,2,5,4,66,73,27,4,12,15,5,4,7,2,5,0,3,0,0,24,19,0,2,6,4,5,9,11,10,0,3,4,8,50,19,64,58,9,59,0,4,0,0,36,26,1,6,29,242,74,4,0.07316748093260653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714984155587414,0.06485855717357543,0.0,0.0,0.07577944408847635,0.0,0.0,0.3044060273030973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513457043679534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446022172605118,0.08080773421303608,0.0622601372340382,0.0,0.0,0.06471069099262071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368410614757457,0.07459912316777396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372041609930214,0.0,0.0584182798325765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260380882277879,0.0,0.22780888065771696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402935563107699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497929329111778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109870303890349,0.1568125889934242,0.0,0.08015139896345692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305802853749575,0.0,0.19113494455439,0.14037782960731762,0.04158276555926006,0.06136941159865016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554369135773215,0.0,0.0750909442556144,0.0,0.16493013732317516,0.0,0.09808524032964253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411046050389775,0.08442544934219348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503461889557764,0.08094897698774749,0.0,0.0,0.05964126249366691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25022154746018066,0.0,0.06460822615388316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048839861677315535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553090587300092,0.0,0.0,0.056431271927347725,0.0,0.07781444603880049,0.06866272435416222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049580178669224116,0.05564716630221148,0.0,0.0,0.2437314863642169,0.0,0.0,0.05072511863365668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355352733110651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624846289361222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660892666264334,0.0,0.0,0.0751053677323669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199456915674745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798679943104707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880924963871064,0.0,0.0,0.0836733910556279,0.0,0.3402645621863621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279936395872943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935183342730494,0.07958520868361811,0.07147399722036002,0.0,0.0,0.1895796342739259,0.0,0.0,0.2589364557486888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602227106802842,0.0,0.08413899214720544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519760791769401,0.0,0.0,0.09423491766101226
suicidewatch,jewyjew69,2018/01/30,"been having suicidal thoughts lately  -my father died when i was 11 (shitty ass american healthcare system)

 -i've never had a girlfriend (16, male, straight) or any physical or non-physical romantic interaction with a girl, and i feel so alone.

 -im poor af, and cant get a job since im to poor for a car and there are no jobs within walking distance to change this.

 -no friends (this also combines with the 2nd point) and i never go anywhere since i can't drive and live in the middle of nowhere. this has had a negative effect on my mental health.

 -i don't have a method of killing myself, but i've thought about it. i don't want to die, i just want the pain to end.

-note: i've posted in the depression subreddit before and people have said ""don't worry, you'll find someone eventually"" or some shit like that. it would be great to have someone in the future, however we're not in the future. we're in the present, and in the present i feel like shit. and i want to feel loved now",3.198571428571426,4.88332247959184,4.0579081632653065,87.78798469387758,74.20408163265307,7.144897959183672,26.025510204081634,7.8658589789855275,1.4098326530612244,770,27,158,11,16,247,125,196,0.206,0.6629999999999999,0.131,-0.8832,3,1,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,0,1,7,10,3,0,14,0,18,6,3,1,2,30,30,15,4,4,6,1,3,2,2,2,2,1,0,2,6,10,0,0,7,0,2,4,11,5,0,0,7,4,13,5,20,20,1,27,0,1,0,2,9,11,3,4,12,95,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764041584579606,0.0,0.10627706786722177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903739942439421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308490425852175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405865909212811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446332897234812,0.0,0.2758506122098592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177066149201165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158898234197806,0.09494109393619853,0.0,0.0,0.12146474745932576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026752983595269,0.0,0.06943279557557486,0.0,0.07552799063704348,0.0,0.0,0.14651856377431507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126247897941896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710146904204314,0.0,0.26375800596272897,0.0,0.1470299893184313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991273705070496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985277117701402,0.0,0.1173498066902818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994403703703305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392814325863756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049955321846571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414109595992472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921335133365746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256298940946273,0.0,0.1272778533275511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264147485529285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728321425758895,0.2198662710877328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520509041879536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453669067153225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110095254238248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23515692068995944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496257345434234,0.0,0.09440566947938267,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,callmejetcar,2018/01/30,"I am tired of being upset all the time. I think a huge source of my depression and low self worth is that I am unable to be open about my inner sadness with people. I am tired of being told “you can’t be sad you smile and laugh all the time!” We all act, we all put on that front sometimes. I want to be genuine for once.

I want to make a friend who also needs to relate on that level, to be able to be open about how life can be so disappointing feeling even if things are “going well.” 

I sat here in bed tonight sobbing reading other comments and shares on this subreddit also considering suicide myself, and genuinely believe that if we could all just sit in a room together a lot of the barriers could come down. Through honesty healing can begin, right?

Instead of wallowing I want to try. 

If you’re in the Nashville or Murfreesboro areas of Tennessee I encourage you to reach out, let’s get coffee and be bummed out together. You can also send me a PM to test the waters. Throwing yourself to the emotional gauntlet doesn’t have to be a leap.

Alternatively, if anyone knows of a focus group in this area I am desperate to try anything to feel less terrible. ",5.043333333333333,5.780568558951964,5.8740436681222725,80.14020669577876,68.65065502183407,8.726754002911209,30.550509461426486,8.841846274778883,2.414180553129549,916,35,176,15,15,301,138,229,0.147,0.723,0.13,-0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,3,4,0,0,12,13,0,1,13,0,25,5,0,2,5,39,40,15,1,10,6,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,9,14,1,1,4,1,1,7,2,8,1,0,2,2,21,5,35,25,7,32,0,6,0,0,16,20,1,6,4,130,30,2,0.15336187658773995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679303118972873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723418995138928,0.0,0.12620375715295795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727863175161566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210767709174606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489395857167154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320903595816613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251146921694746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129407309589644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550887456231261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184870054211044,0.0,0.08012525073906664,0.0,0.08715908869064548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428367661305643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682290939600182,0.10832402888343884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038278320229074,0.0,0.0,0.10237024349680486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371588824852695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332539337575047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632181516483696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541710448052221,0.0,0.0,0.1534033784895782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097020465087264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998988426348715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167881739830513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775300134717774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188681624300082,0.0982680980362581,0.0,0.0,0.17885308708370584,0.3525338333883611,0.0,0.14654384525842207,0.0,0.20824529453020815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713704248419758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789074507333166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dddjjdjdjdj,2018/01/30,"I'm a disgusting liar i lie for fun, i lie out of boredom and attention seeking. i should have ended it years instead of wasting my parents money on college like the disgusting leech i am. i don't study. i go home and sleep. i'm a waste here. i thought transferring would make me feel better.
 
 everything is so piled up on me, like a fat suit i cant take off. i hate myself so much. i'm disgusting i'm disgusting i'm disgusting. i wish i had had the guts to hang myself like i wanted to when i was sixteen. i wish i could blow my fucking brains out. but i didn't really. i pretended to have mental and physical illnesses for sympathy and attention and fuck i'm 19 years old and i'm still doing it. its funny. i actually hate hospitals so much. 

nobody takes me seriously at all. i hate looking the way i do and acting like i can coast by on people's misguided pity.

 i don't want to be here and everyone hates me and i want to die i'm so disgusting sick sick sick why do i need attention so bad sick sick sick my brother hurt me when we were kids and my parents are hoarders and i dont want to be fucked in the head. i hate college so much what's even the point of studying if no one wants to be around me because i radiate unlikability and ugliness. i am a waste of resources and i am completely undeserving of the privileges i have been afforded. ",0.9000218894009215,3.1618978892857146,3.525437788018433,85.87440092165902,84.39285714285714,7.612903225806452,24.746543778801843,8.558390810932622,1.9923364055299544,1059,44,224,28,31,370,142,280,0.333,0.546,0.121,-0.9975,3,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,0,1,14,26,15,0,10,0,28,15,5,1,1,37,59,23,1,12,2,3,1,4,0,2,8,0,1,1,4,17,1,0,5,1,1,3,6,19,0,1,7,2,43,7,25,46,4,22,0,2,1,3,5,11,3,1,11,144,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.10308417979258193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940372337753189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820051985213855,0.06439390178360517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342526304891208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792320416019005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075592006913264,0.0,0.0,0.08434067194315371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096320884738734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380302232240498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356094530662158,0.0,0.0,0.06977068963721739,0.0,0.0,0.10093843433554242,0.09493761148195456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341205268176173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29297259347375354,0.0,0.0,0.06003460558191421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214617331628166,0.10841162583895092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596016622947653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308407692611278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064310154573908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870650069490911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051194871332796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645488101873253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296086527120946,0.07832675400758357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084579484113248,0.0,0.07158077225156717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345895541894919,0.0,0.0,0.07323376522245853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985888777993628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767226130887467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571093743898832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435996743157805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884821984662356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386211208585452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31153026545532325,0.08384786777261581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531884062744003,0.0,0.24294926706684106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503982409816103,0.0,0.0,0.13605050163776794
suicidewatch,Throwaway12351235123,2018/01/30,"I don't feel I'm strong enough for this Hi, /r/suicidewatch . I didn't think I'd ever post here, but I suppose life has it's way of creating misery out of thin air. I'm an 18 year old college student and right now I just can't keep moving forward. The school pressure is overwhelming me to a point I didn't think was even possible and my gender dysphoria is eating me alive. School wise everything that could have gone wrong has, failing assignments, missing assignments, technical issues that my professors can't help with, and to top it all off I lost my dorm access room thingy so now I have to spend money I don't have on some stupid fucking card and I'm absolutely fucked until I can get it fixed. At the time of writing this my roommates are screaming at the top of their lungs in the same primal fashion they always do and once I post this I immediately have to rush through some math I don't understand in order to get it finished by tonight or I'm going to be failing even more than I currently am. On the gender side of things I'm an ugly trans woman with a disgusting voice. As far as looks go I can once in a blue moon ""pass"" as an awkward looking hideous woman, but as soon as I open my fucking mouth all of that goes out the window. I'm trying to fix it with my wonderful friend's help, but even then its excruciating and every time I try to voice train I want to kill myself even more than I already do. The slim hope I have for the future wanes with each passing day and right now I'm struggling to see the bright light at the end of the tunnel. Any help or responses would be greatly greatly greatly appreciated. Thank you and I hope you have a nice day.",5.88636842105263,5.477208076470588,6.3471826625387004,81.42890092879259,66.76470588235293,9.393188854489166,31.13003095975232,8.841846274778883,2.2700882352941183,1326,45,275,19,19,431,187,340,0.202,0.679,0.119,-0.9887,1,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,2,2,6,12,27,6,4,18,0,28,7,2,0,3,40,58,21,1,5,6,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,3,2,13,16,1,1,5,0,2,8,7,16,0,0,5,11,33,11,44,49,9,52,0,5,5,3,12,23,3,7,19,171,46,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818032623437567,0.0,0.08911036047672102,0.0,0.0,0.07282724372569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550543529690956,0.0,0.0,0.13813287931291002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958337338047462,0.0,0.0,0.0948530426770262,0.11065620022827093,0.0,0.28293695323731016,0.09687219044018476,0.09023088191673867,0.0,0.09624872091705396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414968495548282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274016259648771,0.29701860985791323,0.11190385394032228,0.0,0.12172739355502707,0.0,0.0,0.3542128433162473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153475212200076,0.0,0.0,0.21273599406476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117777769329354,0.0,0.0951896121209314,0.1184830764276818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564329717903356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798631142207662,0.0,0.1169051921319145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382342861606885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237659981071953,0.22810213754694034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123796113035116,0.12073181578809646,0.2051319148326849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291450593413888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167686531013537,0.08533964390185965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195736536812924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859729460080516,0.0,0.0,0.07114815428429094,0.13724236477529175,0.0,0.0,0.12489414728303852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541889609030426,0.0,0.0,0.11148809708734499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316651347969605,0.0850058253916627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613831862595385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760761406838379,0.11708991649628425,0.0,0.06896469459444805
suicidewatch,glitterqueenbee,2018/01/30,"I have to die tomorrow. There's no other way. My husband said I'm not the person he thought he married and tomorrow he just wants me to get up, go to work, and come home and not be this person anymore. 

I have to die tomorrow. I just have to figure out how. He's never going to be happy with me. I have to free him ",-0.7348913043478262,1.2204423768115973,2.3099818840579713,93.86323369565218,89.0,5.189130434782608,18.769927536231886,6.6274283507984215,0.07028840579710137,240,7,56,3,8,85,42,69,0.135,0.77,0.095,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,15,14,4,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,8,3,10,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24469781928890616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254295996851685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121502279320146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891043378556868,0.0,0.2804538101991304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26265721458614605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474983558261464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029957499884856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308842507947928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470436323010874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588243012385026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553247929659532,0.19584915871411301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962822008253826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morpheusmade,2018/01/30,"Reaching out, but don't freak out Just reaching out because suicide has been running through my mind for years, it comes in months long cycles with week-or-less long repreives.

I am working poor, cant get ahead. Everytime i think I can make it work I just get setback again and again and I'm over it. 

I'm engaged, and feel guilty about really damaging him emotionally and psychologically, but I can't stand this purgatorial existence. 

I'm an athiest, but it kind of feels like we are already living in hell and we just don't know it.

I don't have any plans to kill myself, I just realize my mental state is bad enough that I should tell someone, even if it's a bunch of strangers.

Tl;dr gay guy, engaged, poor, athiest but convinced this is hell, concerned about intense suicidal thoughts as a way to escape.",4.483653846153846,6.158791083333334,4.759487179487183,84.09384615384619,70.85897435897436,7.507692307692308,30.948717948717945,8.07648339933343,2.122702564102565,643,28,125,9,12,202,104,156,0.276,0.599,0.125,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,2,0,0,4,9,11,3,0,3,0,14,1,0,1,0,30,26,11,3,2,9,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,6,0,2,2,5,6,0,0,2,2,14,5,17,23,2,18,2,1,0,1,5,6,2,1,8,76,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973350870703392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160543924376772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930932686907705,0.1090085426469335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403975879211548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115125549136112,0.0,0.1847714556449336,0.0,0.11811058168804695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083606867575994,0.12775083725116124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685476224719336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706239985712538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197840613139358,0.18621612676491306,0.09827617517316144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873636459697571,0.0,0.15790355297591055,0.3165045892009224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936541435655285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021103110821693,0.0,0.1805597590651024,0.0,0.14273442183666013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455827925589465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515157328688378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39120560489799394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629875612210134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145822442094163,0.0,0.14196509869045212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141940985353876,0.14344063153747869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603698348594548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515583385330168
suicidewatch,jogourt,2018/01/30,"doing it tomorrow um i dont even know why im posting. i guess i want to talk to someone before i act so im not so endlessly lonely.

so im writing notes now... maybe ill call my crush and leave her a message. i know her phone is off at this time, so she definitely wont pick up.

ill never graduate high school at my current pace so im destined to be a failure. im just going to be another number, another statistic, another sob story for my fake friends until a few weeks pass and they dont even remember my name.

does anyone think im being genuine anymore? 10+ past attempts... this time, i will look death in the eye, and take his hand. i wont back down, i wont back out.",0.261885057471261,2.1842544068965566,3.0724137931034505,90.25229885057472,84.24137931034483,6.073563218390803,23.459770114942533,7.3011,0.9818183908045977,519,20,116,8,15,183,95,145,0.145,0.7559999999999999,0.099,-0.7583,1,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,4,0,11,4,2,1,1,16,19,9,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,3,1,0,0,3,17,1,13,12,1,23,0,2,2,0,12,8,1,1,11,65,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34521168747458275,0.0,0.0,0.1088312717555416,0.07673182875204791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687645250339579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933795244846576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205545032839162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603304855261724,0.0,0.2572258050046549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496271149929174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478382326976648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623670143881058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208895156922228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159449286218596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7112195611017382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061900487890514,0.0,0.0,0.11619740520986795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215284337313227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024724265464422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463722652636943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047579765259622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509931010760076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431251943644447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106139145870284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298121792965444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250982176589726,0.08820378512689855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031610789176222,0.0,0.0,0.1279790005044397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472671006881983,0.0,0.08802574074930697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902207980291967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wheat-boi,2018/01/30,"If anyone cares to help... I recently began to cut myself and have practiced actual cults to Bendy... I think that it's the best for me, to be different... even thought I believe in Jesus I feel like I belong to Satan (or Bendy). I feel like everyone judges me and that I need to kill those people... I have had sudden thirsts for blood... sometimes that's the reason I cut myself... to taste my own blood. I regret all these doings, and yet I still do them.
I really just want to die... a slow, unpainful death... if it's possible.",1.3673688811188818,3.628046663461543,3.0741958041958064,89.86171328671331,82.36538461538461,6.08951048951049,19.06993006993007,7.348242739294969,0.490992307692308,399,10,82,6,11,132,68,104,0.112,0.7559999999999999,0.132,0.2682,1,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,1,1,4,8,3,0,3,0,6,4,3,1,1,16,14,6,3,5,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,18,4,11,10,3,7,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,8,58,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.20895744810812086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497228524600239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24124824681670665,0.2247134891904917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831714882935171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223042841645466,0.22371755183614409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414291241262395,0.0,0.0,0.20460790101083845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653848823465333,0.3059453058413647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352507845735504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369002356351045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092236572437108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587727493098314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844897371279653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413964632857203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717549151830138,0.2201586237010847,0.21142496886353848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177746769880024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100241329421964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720418786656974,0.0,0.1699932324210857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629788471707715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChelleyBelle1985,2018/01/30,Decision I'm putting my life in order. I'll be gone in a few months from now.,-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,89.0,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.2392444444444446,60,2,16,1,2,21,16,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820952670507819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5447936163690573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6861370628750204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AhabonthePequod,2018/01/30,"""I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction"" 6 months ago, I got tired of being me and decided to overhaul my life. On 2 fronts: physical/mental health and career. I started strength training,yoga and eating well balanced meals. Not to look good or lose weight. I just wanted rigorous training and good diet to keep myself disciplined. I stopped heavily smoking and drinking too. I adopted the philosophy of stoicism to keep myself from feeling too depressed or too manic. I rekindled old friendships. Mind you, I never enjoyed being around friends but I am socially adjusted. (Off topic: I recently got Monster Hunter World (PS4) My PSN ID is CaptainPequod. Add me as a friend and we'll hunt together if you're into that)
My academic history was piss poor because the depression set in early, but there was a chance for me to apply to a decent school in a course I liked. So I kept my exploitative minimum wage job.
6 months passed. I dutifully did everything ""right"". My application to school came back and I didn't get in. My future consists of a rubbish job with minimal chance of promotion. I'm just working up the courage to get a gun and eat the barrel now.
The Good: You're not gonna feel worse than you already do. The Bad: You're not gonna feel better, either. The Ugly fact: You're gonna feel this crippling homeostasis for the rest of your life.
""Life is pain and anyone who says differently is selling something""  ",4.2232187857961065,6.7514877250859175,5.076563573883163,77.86256586483394,73.81099656357388,8.297365406643758,30.709049255441013,9.049649993220411,3.069449942726232,1252,58,211,29,27,406,181,291,0.16699999999999998,0.7070000000000001,0.127,-0.9088,4,0,2,1,0,0,44.0,3,3,0,6,11,19,1,0,16,0,15,15,3,0,2,46,36,16,0,2,11,0,7,1,2,4,6,1,0,1,4,15,6,7,9,1,3,4,5,7,1,0,8,9,32,12,33,22,2,31,0,4,1,0,12,13,1,3,14,129,36,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318921639306164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284598049331821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139561252233131,0.0,0.0,0.10362835031134372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951104196648446,0.0971963338555685,0.07096161322534679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295396300463183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314044767928004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052514466362176,0.0,0.0,0.12162222976990993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403612867062606,0.0,0.23823015584604415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462056002073067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354387803187921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987401940667405,0.0,0.12163739690425507,0.0,0.0,0.2929140780801097,0.1862052123037861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373691769760135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103518295646355,0.20693865712418866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24666854906586586,0.0568713708552311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775392107842043,0.13023146766117502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175395200754024,0.0,0.1858324969836939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978150276551672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221512628261832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386697724609658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149394668910504,0.0,0.0,0.09941232394785067,0.0,0.0925728055398844,0.0,0.23562347287656074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866392663273292,0.0,0.08961704154679953,0.0,0.0,0.08239461915604505,0.0,0.0,0.19464563459588252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733671341023475,0.14917988441357374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379458228993404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866081909283737,0.0,0.0,0.1417543363758968,0.10466532792845568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474686051297191,0.0,0.1186303270730602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeSucks101010101,2018/01/30,"So tired 5 year relationship ended.

I know I will find someone again. I know time heals broken hearts. But knowing that the pain is going to end at some point is sometimes just not enough to get through the pain. What guarantee is there that the next guy will work out? What guarantee is there that I won't suffer this heartache over and over and over again? I am tired. I am scared. I am lonely. I just want it all to go away. I wish I could sleep forever and never wake up. ",1.0867613636363629,3.470912562500004,1.8261363636363648,97.5143181818182,84.83333333333334,5.157575757575758,18.102272727272727,6.574015621080383,-0.22079999999999966,370,9,83,4,11,114,63,96,0.209,0.688,0.104,-0.9185,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,0,11,8,3,0,2,18,19,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,10,0,11,15,3,18,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,1,8,58,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624016054040533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800949886252098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061938890781798,0.17860392952220214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798501824094893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030884849285603,0.0,0.19647331802984624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115219596410167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483229555103355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849873808117104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331531810227934,0.0,0.1838317172785177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678567403145231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340248117499645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185580029993354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305656362412536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297838829260528,0.0,0.14645825666283172,0.0,0.17095658626526355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007922982763706,0.3973394685746992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195350552809372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877305826725286,0.0,0.0,0.1258394470959524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113120225297606
suicidewatch,ragewithoutreason,2018/01/30,"I got hit by a car when I was on my bike today and somehow I walked away Like the title says I got hit by a car today. I got knocked off my bike into one or the busiesr streets in my hometown. I saw numerous cars breaking toward about hit me, but they stopped and I've never been more upset in my life.  At the speed they were going they would have easily killed me but they stopped. I was ready to die. I didn't realize it before then, but in the moment I felt peaceful.",2.0115000000000016,3.293669750000003,3.5630000000000024,91.78150000000002,76.5,6.2,23.5,6.6274283507984215,0.5408,365,11,82,3,8,121,65,100,0.14800000000000002,0.71,0.141,-0.4212,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,3,3,1,1,6,0,7,1,0,0,1,14,16,8,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,0,5,2,2,0,1,10,3,19,1,13,2,1,25,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,2,10,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889722120412574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919629726034976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307554433074259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134827721039933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263618363718619,0.0,0.5334805871812137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459880012073295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704642417147066,0.10862485871466428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148352336925338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066440002312487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681493819073466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37177501156470055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42150761553899824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794506988352205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zachsilvah,2018/01/30,"I'm most suicidal on my birthday So, it's my 23rd birthday today. Yeah me. I have now lived seven years passed my ""no shit your last day on earth"" day and that somehow makes everything worse. I was lonely and sad the summer before freshman year. then depressed. then I made a secret pact with myself that I would die before my 16th birthday. I came close but couldn't do it. So I pushed it to 17 then 18. Then I just sort of stopped caring about everything and it became this thing in the back of my mind that I was just numb to. But every now and then I feel to much or think to long and I want to die again. This is most true on my birthday. The simple truth is I'm a failure. I fail at everything. So, instead of having lived a full 23 years of life I have just been failing to die for seven. And what sort of life is that. Pathetic. Failure. Empty.",0.6057386363636397,2.853038096590911,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,85.64772727272728,4.656363636363637,18.45909090909091,5.985473137389443,-0.2951740909090912,659,17,145,5,20,212,100,176,0.28600000000000003,0.647,0.068,-0.9928,0,2,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,2,14,10,1,0,6,1,12,4,1,2,2,32,21,17,4,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,7,0,2,5,1,21,3,19,14,4,29,0,5,0,0,2,7,1,6,19,103,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342850072909033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25104563791374634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871573645981272,0.15039947946999782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026754622076966,0.0,0.12705285302228445,0.0,0.4592860561176737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428618429609005,0.0,0.3977259008905054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458707685205349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024289901916647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838578930509646,0.0,0.0,0.2605136138442332,0.13054448867213855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395805016468894,0.09846616772069684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894622211594544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843913242474204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514201204073994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332759188492128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135543495915433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980011768461239,0.09452046505226958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982521032490938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700707306533123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503284940637511,0.10478910369391743,0.0,0.0,0.2849808810535099
suicidewatch,martyr-like_denial,2018/01/30,"I love myself too much to let this be my life There's no life for me in the country I currently live in. I've never fell at home within this cultural environment, and values, lifestyle, and all, it's all incompatible. I don't have my needs met, I don't receive my desired stimuli, and I can't be myself. But, most importantly, I hate this scorching hot weather. I've always felt in disbelief that this was my life. Waking up and thinking to myself ‘Are you serious? Is this what I get?’ I want a new name, a new nationality, and my parents' names out of my birth certificate. I'm twenty and I finished high school in 2014. I've always wanted to permanently relocate to a particular country and go to uni there. I wouldn't want my ""parents"" to pay for tuition and stuff even if they had the money, I want to owe them nothing and never to return or speak to anyone I knew. My biological mother abandoned me as a child and I have no idea who she is, as I am sort of a foundling. I can't forgive her for imposing this life on me. I feel that just by being born here, I was doomed to a limited existence, in regards to lack of opportunities, education, and socio-political development. And for desiring that I imprinted in this backwards society and limiting me to this reality I never chose to associate myself with. But I can’t seem to find my way out. I’ve been suffering from what they call ‘depression’ my whole life, but I know the problem is not me, I can’t possibly be happy with this. I won't let this be my life. I can't bear waking up in this house, it drains all energy out of me. I don't have a life. I can't do anything. I can't go to the places I want to, dress how I want to, talk to people I relate to, have meaningful relationships, partake in the activities and live the lifestyle I want. I feel robbed of my youth, and  to top it all off, now my libido died and my genitals became desensitised, I literally felt when it happened, my sex life ended before it even began. The ob-gyn couldn’t help. That happened a year ago and she still hasn’t come back to life

I can’t let this be my life, I love myself too much to just let life make a fool out of me. I don’t want to have to go through this, nothing good has ever happened to me. I don’t want to have to wait until I die naturally and have to live through this shit. I feel so miserable, it’s all I’ve ever known, I want a way out of here. I don’t care that my ‘family’ and people I know will suffer if I die. I love none of them.",3.1939332949971266,4.099896533849133,5.311296983637408,81.87061425061427,73.02321083172147,8.606597312980293,26.73893041978148,8.994212911058018,1.9391921062261488,1936,66,417,39,37,677,223,517,0.125,0.7709999999999999,0.104,-0.9342,4,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,0,1,4,4,18,19,2,1,17,0,47,18,3,2,10,88,86,31,3,19,9,3,6,0,0,3,11,1,1,1,29,27,0,4,15,0,4,6,25,11,0,0,9,7,82,8,68,63,11,54,1,6,0,4,27,24,1,6,22,303,111,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034748833193743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329354201748675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047602074602948234,0.0,0.05602281013071275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234816921252629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579297947566233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951576670270218,0.0,0.06941057450433305,0.0,0.0,0.05864360521018714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058635917835410827,0.0,0.21196422440621854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029734992949251,0.0,0.0,0.08993042287227879,0.12316181327566428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641783570343018,0.0,0.10326761515020982,0.0,0.1307320846246931,0.0,0.06222252153477487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035568209775165734,0.0,0.11607175222915002,0.057101021234192285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806047952212736,0.07247083601394731,0.0,0.067213430767106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563158782955451,0.0719286798171608,0.06828829273568449,0.0,0.0,0.07855345602989046,0.0,0.07685234721998997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482833345902469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784595411558161,0.5289444865665279,0.0,0.0,0.18034370531251076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433053005779626,0.0,0.04544293168313105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009107088504612,0.050479349901377,0.15751902320667696,0.13150129147645606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306463260222786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151186249694362,0.0,0.0,0.09439412895629136,0.0,0.07112754945232204,0.0,0.0,0.07674828702106652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651419364544595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309083824058857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889908304946152,0.0,0.0619761154078592,0.0,0.0,0.06988160854033726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436758317898754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793360222725962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471892470386328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362195803346194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015446694820406,0.10807509922774196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600722121021952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384032610215036
suicidewatch,27reasons,2018/01/30,"My birthday is on Valentines Day, and thats the day I've chosen to die. I have been depressed since 7th grade, it started when I hit puberty. I don't know what happened. I just stopped enjoying things I used too. Things like sports and hanging out with friends. The only things I liked (same things I still only like) are anime, videogames, and animals. I was fat and got skinny. Then I got fit. This did not help in the slightest. Now fast forward to now (I am 17), I confessed all this to my parents. I went to the doctor and got diagnosed as severely depressed. The only reason the doctor did not put me on suicide watch is because my family does not own something to kill me fast like a gun. The doctor recommended therapy and put me on 20 mg of some anti- depressant. I am mormon (please no religious talk this is for context) and now all I hear about is college and a mission. I used to want to go on a mission when I was a kid, but now I could not handle it. Nobody but some close friends (close meaning talk to occasionally) and my parents know about this. I feel like a waste because millions if not billions of people would love to be in the position I am now. And I feel like I am wasting it, but am too depressed to care. I have been told talking or writing helps so this is mainly why I made this post. See ya maybe.",2.6259921542987925,4.452950857142858,3.825697940503435,88.23314645308928,76.14285714285714,6.430598234717227,27.354691075514868,7.255503002510835,1.3856592350441312,1032,42,211,12,23,336,143,266,0.128,0.737,0.136,0.6394,2,0,1,1,0,2,36.0,0,1,0,0,14,16,1,0,13,0,23,7,2,4,2,45,45,20,3,4,11,2,2,6,2,1,5,1,0,1,15,14,2,1,7,1,0,6,7,5,0,2,12,5,31,11,24,29,7,32,2,4,2,1,16,11,0,4,22,149,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905494034656505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956224941431842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796680577552673,0.0,0.0,0.1259543248356889,0.0,0.3364285005767941,0.0991142538184426,0.1013468775132482,0.0,0.0,0.2998514558272896,0.08545551749773478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205717768049082,0.0,0.09875110172984952,0.13952455412070033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508906694549982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055497618472500336,0.0,0.23430256270366515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635293107065806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100603785327156,0.0,0.1309075327815899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803695666183967,0.0,0.10733346110887072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862456484647018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813432410140021,0.09240024478352994,0.0,0.0,0.09810409349432446,0.10637115058381667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228051811595908,0.0,0.0,0.2168609496114432,0.0,0.0,0.06769927981079403,0.0,0.0,0.1071920626758884,0.0,0.0,0.09352317841892732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633353107844675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004020431797316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778156314618445,0.0,0.0,0.11031844063946708,0.0,0.08077835994893863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517692348332121,0.0,0.0,0.06911826001862256,0.0,0.07798464304862003,0.08164105691179081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681493125090127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354658177642335,0.0,0.0,0.11167304220032716,0.0,0.2595013665322403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933102277206107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686791482254282,0.0,0.0,0.0575974061869568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052395249964952,0.08811532280602452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693688496439105,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imdyinginsidehelpme,2018/01/30,"Mentally breaking down and a fucking mess I don’t know what to do. How I feel right now is one of the worst I’ve ever felt. Im being broken down by my anxiety and have huge amounts of stress. My relationship with my parents is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve just started 2 jobs and I hate almost everybody there. I have absolutely no friends for 3 years now, not even online friends, and haven’t been in a relationship for 5 years. I’m a complete recluse lately. I contemplate suicide every day of my life. I can’t find a doctor who believes me and will help me with my anxiety and stress and doesn’t think I just want drugs. I feel so hopeless and that the world is slowly closing around me. I’m so lonely and have constant panic attacks and I just feel hopeless. I don’t know what to do with my life and ending it sounds like a better solution every day. I know everybody means well but I don’t need your fake caring, or your “but I care about you”, “things will get better”, or those “suicide isn’t a solution” comments. I know I’m a fucking jerk and why am I even posting here then, but I just feel better typing this out since I have no one else to say it to. I feel like smashing everything in sight and driving into a brick wall at 180mph right now",2.97573359073359,4.298761583011586,4.221889961389961,87.8590897683398,74.0965250965251,7.033281853281852,26.07741312741313,7.554174236665415,1.2506647104247095,986,34,209,12,20,324,134,259,0.188,0.669,0.14300000000000002,-0.8815,2,2,1,0,0,4,20.0,0,3,0,3,19,25,5,3,11,0,22,6,0,1,2,49,46,22,2,2,10,1,6,2,2,2,4,2,0,0,10,20,0,0,13,0,0,1,10,15,1,2,3,9,30,10,22,40,3,31,0,3,1,2,12,14,2,3,16,138,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343920916343656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804718286289612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919581726129096,0.0,0.11751773219544535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638280415337295,0.0,0.2740791956849288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064080100721935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830722690071364,0.1116297179558087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323885322893014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573108986285742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979425571495787,0.0,0.08629321143804579,0.0,0.09149241436524937,0.0,0.0,0.13645627084927978,0.18688004808451766,0.1740680320604548,0.0,0.09283864394580144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611558508757617,0.07379695620841614,0.09918341412434886,0.0,0.09441358085831532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961738342336734,0.19099685830034294,0.05396955904007116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198655605669037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923926419200442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158084270919423,0.0,0.10250849873675913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708211551916085,0.0,0.11652597660870866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592653422880825,0.10093352489209037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112523092310791,0.0,0.0,0.1041012791549882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659503449928924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399963981544216,0.0,0.0,0.12119933293859625,0.11470151689534662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893206175427592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218093254987476,0.0,0.17643387389611334,0.0,0.082147655593492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545015075386041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311569264552052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366577277705133,0.0,0.0,0.2259850777837605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862738642202429,0.06618994474032283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092853388974333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287837028491353,0.0,0.0932114445287002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304257272785114
suicidewatch,mrYGOboy,2018/01/31,"Help me save a friend please? A friend of mine recently tried to commit suicide, aside from that she also thinks very negatively about herself and I'm afraid she might try to commit suicide again if this keeps going.

Right now she has made a poll to check what people think of her and she's convinced she's trash.

It might not be a lot, but it would mean a lot to me if you could vote for her NOT being trash, since right now there's 1 vote saying she is and I know that vote will weigh on her heavier than the currently 9 votes saying she isn't.

Any help would be appreciated.

http://www.strawpoll.me/14974052/r",4.614808590102708,6.222064243697481,4.043977591036416,89.61948646125119,70.42857142857143,6.969561157796452,21.625583566760035,7.3871296695380915,0.4633185807656397,491,10,101,5,9,146,78,119,0.069,0.772,0.159,0.7853,1,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,1,2,24,20,7,2,5,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,6,3,1,1,4,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,16,4,11,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,18,3,0,6,5,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222829028291372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124419311214362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201647864604324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554940483177485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939707621866031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165781109236693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696840443244052,0.0,0.0,0.09087063036339592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811449660061643,0.0,0.15645574832800233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011183849231654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35081501437967977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463109766515013,0.0,0.0,0.1815018393086291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326065211832738,0.0,0.0,0.2824116254464419,0.0,0.2629818461780499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677711335211365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617265309332321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189592984090247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245201199640077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642895690965562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349161586555718,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sssssssssp,2018/01/31,"still here because of paws i was very much ready to go today. ive been crying for two days just ready to give in and i thought today was gonna be the day. so as i started actually doing it, i heard fours paws and then felt them on me moving my hands away. i looked at my dog and he just stared at me back as if he knew what i was doing. 

i dont know what to do now. the urge is very much still there but i just dont know.",-0.993298969072164,0.6070245670103134,1.331144329896908,102.79568556701037,86.83505154639175,4.292371134020619,13.823711340206184,4.935628992294339,-1.485428041237114,321,4,88,1,10,108,63,97,0.023,0.934,0.043,0.1848,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,2,0,12,1,1,0,0,13,23,9,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,8,5,14,0,12,13,2,17,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,10,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.17971306641982682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302387365538432,0.1416072562946516,0.0,0.11226189674840494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229051797615635,0.23753523152518424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43166702821654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768219604607791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666253362581194,0.10466206436467224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241844468742584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464756360608695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957323600564467,0.2707567836820029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034901276759794,0.0,0.29413996329428216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620203943725488,0.0,0.0,0.3491232673915605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989703178392544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039016804169147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bobowo12,2018/01/31,"I am not depressed, but I'm considering killing myself, also maybe wanted to talk. About anything really, I am an lonely asshole. I have 2 options: to live as human looking shell or just to end it.
So yeah, here goes my short biography.
I've never been liked in general by other kids™, I've spend my childhood alone, with parents yelling at each other at home and they was divorced when I was 10, with over sensitive, mellow mother and callous father. Ofc I was bullied, I've spent few nights crying, I've been having some psychological problems kid of shit and started going to therapists(they're ll was meh) when I invited other kids at my birthday party having some hope that someone will come only 3 of them out of 15 arrived, and gave me some cheap, shitty presents, and I stopped caring about social shit when I hit 12.
I was always having problems to relate to others, to understand what they feel. I knew why the're feeling that, but I was cold as stone from the beginning. So, when I hit 12 I started to stop caring about my grades, I don't studied, tbh I never liked to study, to listen that borning shit and doing equaly borning notes. Anyway I still managed to get to higher classes on the lowest grades possible. Teachers tried to motivate me, wasn't working. Some of them said that I was inteligent and have great imagination™, but I was not interested in it. I wasn't interested at anything.
When I hit 14 hatred started consuming me, and as I was getting older it was getting stronger, then bloodlust joined, mostly taking over me.
I've spent 4 next years pretending to be caring and kind person, and it worked for everyone but my mother who was my personal ,,punching bag"".(I wasn't reffering to physical violence, but the psychological one, the shitton of it, making my poor mother crying at nights and feeding on it with zero guilt)

I don't care about people, I don't care about my social image when NOBODY teached me how to live in society, I can't make connections with people, but I will do anything to turn your life into hell and get what I want.
And here I am now, an asocial and antisocial fuck with no perspectives on future, good day/nigh and whatevyr™.
Damn, I think that sounds pretty edgy, I am right?
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suicidewatch,SunBearr_,2018/01/31,"19 weeks pregnant I won’t put too much in this post but I’m 19 weeks pregnant and in my twenties. I can’t help but feel like I’ll be terrible at motherhood, my relationship isn’t cracking at the moment either. 

The stress just gets to me so much, sometimes I just want to end my life. It becomes so overwhelming. I haven’t told anyone yet, I’m ashamed I feel this way. I’m meant to enjoy pregnancy after all.... ",1.1348104575163376,3.3406842588235293,2.9474509803921585,90.75241830065364,82.88235294117645,6.130718954248366,23.562091503267972,7.3871296695380915,1.0189346405228763,322,12,69,5,9,107,56,85,0.134,0.726,0.14,-0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,11,14,5,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,2,9,2,8,10,4,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722721335022914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641349790135518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118260156772276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241854382117258,0.17085695367410728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495196174052801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030484673476852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892677137076215,0.1168421807123633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351622298081728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22905051319862585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24042326625265475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676984254062274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365367423325998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739585784277559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22852896904711156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106359160439108,0.1898351891924206,0.3836817020525775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,duthinscotland,2018/01/31,"Dear all, I need advice on how to help a suicidal child. [UK] Hi everybody, I’m not really sure where to start. I have recently started my placement and work with vulnerable children and their parents. In this particular case a 10 year old boy who has autism, suffers from suicidal thoughts. His mother doesn’t know how to deal with him and that causes her to feel depressed and suffers from suicidal thoughts. His dad only does things with his brother, cause the dad doesn’t know how to handle his autistic son. His brother goes to football games, days out and other things with their dad. Whereas the autistic boy feels guilty, confused, angry and alone. He has anger problems and attacks his mum. 

It is a viscous circle and I think the family needs therapy of some sorts.

But could you guys help me with websites, support groups, ideas and thoughts on what the best options are? 

Thank you guys so much already!
",4.6406786427145725,7.138372508982034,4.155592814371257,85.09873852295411,72.41317365269461,6.848542914171658,30.29500998003992,7.793537801064563,2.1240981237524945,727,32,128,10,15,218,113,167,0.234,0.68,0.086,-0.9829,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,2,5,12,2,1,7,0,8,0,0,5,2,41,23,14,3,4,2,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,15,0,0,9,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,2,17,5,18,19,4,11,0,3,0,0,35,5,0,4,6,78,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289257136903727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664525060894214,0.14559395828841445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500955267943981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384580279232547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710679304001007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533965488775107,0.0,0.0,0.08508739698796214,0.13601957013613322,0.11363573828840635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545752877683207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243769220804374,0.0,0.13342097156008914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26127351239930274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686699087200716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489389701386487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501645461362891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698767543833517,0.19565680579822292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844397377096285,0.0,0.0,0.10034279185480967,0.0,0.0,0.14649861157881372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262443279785848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452117451180949,0.0,0.1302702581319703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676906369015234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329476326331948,0.1497186909906036,0.12434752202636624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146835987735308,0.15087959046977198,0.0,0.17530399072720845,0.08453885587043262,0.0,0.3142258322735206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605051853393054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849620506906054
suicidewatch,benzzzzbuddy,2018/01/31,"It feels like it all fell apart It was going so well. I thought it was gone away. A year an a half ago everything was perfect. I had just moved to a new city, 1000 miles away with nobody but my girlfriend. I had her and that's all that mattered. My work flew by naturally and easily, I was a top performer. I had all my finances in order, I had two wonderful little pets and my simple life was good. I was happy. Even when one of my pets died I actually grieved like a normal person and accepted it, but otherwise was okay.

Now, I'm back to how I was before we moved. I eat shitty fast food and drink alcohol constantly to cope. I cut myself. I break down in my cubical at work.

By my own definition, I am successful. I have a great job that pays almost 6 figures, a loving girlfriend who I am proposing to soon, happy and healthy pets, and I even have friends now!! Someone actually asked if I wanted to hang out the other night and I cried I was so happy. But I just can't shake the emptiness. The pain.

Then... Suddenly, about a week ago, I collapsed. Feelings of emptiness. Feelings of worthless, doubting myself, hating myself, thinking I'm going to lose my friends. Cutting myself. At work I'm frozen. I can't even move. I just sit there stuck trying to get SOMETHING done but I can't focus on anything because every other thought is ""just get up and leave, you're a fake and a loser.""

Someone asked about my fresh scars and another coworker had my back and said ""oh he has cats."" But nobody would believe that. Cats don't have 8 claws and don't scratch at multiple angles on multiple arms. That hurt so much because it made it real. Its an external thing that people can see. I cut again as soon as I got home.

I don't know how to get my life back. I was diagnosed but doing well, and now it feels like it has all come back. I don't want to kill myself, but I want to die sometimes. But I think of my girlfriend and the few friends I have and I just can't bear it. But I need this pain to go away.

i just want to reach out to anyone and tell them all this. ive told my friends and they are supportive but ive only known them a few months and i dont want to push them away. I cut my wrists for the release. I want to die. I feel like I'm constantly struggling and I'm going to lose everything. I feel like I'm a wasted potential. I don't want to live, but I want to want to live.",0.8919230769230779,3.0211126659919034,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,83.27125506072875,5.7433198380566814,21.64574898785425,7.010146845296331,0.5479141700404861,1843,60,405,24,52,611,222,494,0.175,0.625,0.2,0.9665,1,0,3,0,0,5,69.0,1,0,4,10,31,40,6,3,19,1,41,12,2,3,6,83,90,41,5,13,18,0,7,5,7,1,6,1,4,1,23,25,4,0,15,1,2,14,10,18,2,3,25,9,69,22,46,64,9,59,0,6,1,1,22,19,0,4,28,269,92,7,0.0,0.0,0.13050888132031752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855056348313002,0.0714625620098221,0.06695958542320171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011791526900395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675631847430967,0.0,0.055027441012731694,0.0,0.12502686677549552,0.0,0.25130228583068576,0.20567235286811125,0.0,0.08152537181300318,0.0,0.0569005438394132,0.07533839807481983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057601671871657725,0.0,0.14452313964271915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345239199553019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787056774792663,0.20819821119484108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843014325826627,0.07836990108415297,0.0655061051139373,0.0,0.06842362070723461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249891503946715,0.0,0.056339967003153614,0.0,0.12019498525053444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286567517570367,0.1910847398456869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085818913988108,0.0,0.20665111241285186,0.0,0.10480878560526244,0.0,0.15201264113983734,0.056086495311463966,0.053481200879615325,0.07372324375205035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135496940226462,0.0,0.06601923552514939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707500019376884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158458458157005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635710610396307,0.0,0.07398057599090563,0.0,0.03674942131508811,0.0,0.0,0.07080455362841842,0.0,0.0,0.09446302145221304,0.1633439349724299,0.06702024619352732,0.11809300036832925,0.0,0.0,0.14961848160236085,0.0,0.0,0.060351830179735035,0.06327300899619598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053374150906856016,0.21321330600534089,0.04915636582828757,0.04958247261388718,0.0,0.06458244010729937,0.0,0.06275197149921455,0.06551736476519493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045312125145650715,0.0508568430200476,0.14230653611654104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046358504250065435,0.05838738020921315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611149457119963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360767592410335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053285888593312264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331567377851876,0.05147897786429221,0.06613509269102226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990593615632477,0.0,0.0,0.07588208205222641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584464019853708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044424753250346116,0.08569383495563845,0.0,0.10617293997494223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389613893161103,0.0,0.045399621688962485,0.0,0.06532123912492399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549693063612988,0.0,0.0536382311662521,0.0,0.12024641756945564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251651430411375,0.14604415681823,0.0,0.0,0.04750177727188525,0.0,0.0,0.04306140575484032
suicidewatch,maloewen,2018/01/31,"Feel like I'm in a nursing home, no point in spending the rest of my life like this All I can do is eat fast food and masturbate. The obnoxious advice like ""exercise and meet people and do things you've never done before"", well, all that stuff is inspirational but it makes me feel terrible and it never sticks. I'm tired ot sitting for ours refreshing the same web sites.

I can't read. I try all the time. I can't do it. I can't talk to people, I drool and mumble and forget words. I can't do anything without hours or days or weeks or preparation. I feel like I'm driving a naval carrier. Every little turn is exhausting.

Therapy is bullshit, I whine at him about all these life-changing things that I do, but nothing sticks or amounts to anything better. Life is still awful. I have a mild social life (over 10 parties in the last two years) but the social process is so traumatic that I'm overcome with suicidal urges for hours before and after. They ask, ""what do you do"", ""what have you accomplished."" Shit. I can't do it any more. I can't be a forever alone in my mid-30s with no money and no life. No one can help me. There's just nothing good for most people. It's the truth. I look at all these other people, they hate their jobs, they hate the people they know, they hate their lives, but they've just been trained into tolerating it. Then a few alphas watch over it all and collect their wonderful winnings while everyone else cringes in silence. It's no way to live. No friends, no hobbies, no enjoyment, just sitting in a bed sucking nutrients through a tube. Yeah, I'll ""get along fine"". It's nothing. I'm done. No more trauma, no more disorders and excuses and lying and fucking humiliation, I'm done.",3.11217200571312,5.023482310650888,4.037174046113041,86.87718934911243,75.00591715976331,7.265619261375232,26.448071822077125,8.104835398774808,1.639721158947154,1343,50,270,22,29,432,175,338,0.251,0.622,0.126,-0.9951,1,1,0,0,0,1,58.0,1,2,8,3,8,23,6,0,15,2,29,12,2,1,9,48,50,23,1,0,12,0,3,4,1,0,7,0,2,0,21,16,2,0,6,2,2,2,19,10,1,2,4,6,30,13,25,45,14,33,0,1,2,1,20,14,3,6,18,176,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025637952023624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956605571190988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281023335572683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201430551975134,0.0,0.08634724772950116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571887861084306,0.0,0.0,0.08168786174636625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770815881631432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956670841767062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585638099868733,0.0,0.0,0.28355927095398603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945107476517996,0.07715771247779521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782009120693563,0.08825712232225258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010502831893892,0.13196876634851926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116861082531515,0.0,0.07135968155200853,0.08538841254900101,0.048256029061531314,0.0,0.0,0.07746998113029037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735690063339075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190919482161484,0.0,0.09264795331690807,0.0,0.18191855462013226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165635558412136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050760472017709606,0.07528844353581353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32619476617205234,0.1804962351780255,0.09257232385669734,0.16311702949789905,0.0,0.07756193697818073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165324163920857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424725920450595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26587532568402905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625877844659945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201655255455927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873132036550185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238832730317896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480963348747444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830557173636012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073761476624057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573391794867014,0.10103049455072204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423814798148821,0.0,0.0,0.10562552022788957,0.0,0.12272418794970302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385780193164383,0.10615806348339643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270863986124939,0.10046478293276856,0.090225554909663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331371415835469,0.07408829404005136,0.0,0.08304572828413725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903495651141677,0.1001640941117219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947895786223949
suicidewatch,QHWCAJXXIGEHWSJTJTH2,2018/01/31,"Can't live without other peoples' approval and I hate it Not too suicidal, but I feel like I'm getting there.

I thought I was getting better, but i still feel like I hate myself. I don't feel like anyone could ever love me and that destroys me because all I ever want is to make someone happy.

Even if I wasn't trans, I'm still very mentally ill. No one wants to deal with that. I'm just a complete turn off for everyone

I'm moving soon, but I feel like my friends who live there don't actually want me there and it makes me super sad.

I feel bad for not loving my parents. I wish I wasn't born into a family like this.

It's always too much with me.",1.5413069544364504,3.0915492158273388,3.528938848920862,90.39302458033579,78.42446043165471,6.072182254196644,23.09412470023981,6.816661863887847,0.6159059952038364,507,16,112,5,12,172,79,139,0.198,0.521,0.282,0.9285,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,12,16,3,0,2,0,8,3,0,2,3,30,31,7,1,6,8,1,5,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,4,5,21,11,9,26,2,9,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,11,73,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.12113267347440546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328584757119899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679436680961176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364310792421658,0.07566830811664171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097826252867822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014762040195268,0.0,0.0,0.0991074585417342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279722619415839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198649087488126,0.224564825956616,0.0,0.11861124017271216,0.0,0.0,0.11701842636346822,0.0,0.31381850979053777,0.354713107085163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590229212673376,0.0,0.12970528161794667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213836532251036,0.0,0.2451047444126029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30321748740573345,0.0,0.21921758440515712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406378676411226,0.0,0.16571506659356905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250935339267914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193021816067882,0.09124960616974344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411349180486792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783133321388155,0.0,0.0,0.08605589905107541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517468522051207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826026476152211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577773599017715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854511003152804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501746016404526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241999581785534,0.21964472530348506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274301981966944,0.11965659351528588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ativanbaby,2018/01/31,Parental emotional neglect Really did a number on me. Even now as an adult I had foolish hopes my Mom could change. When will I ever learn? Moving back in with her was a terrible mistake for my mental health. She’s narcissistic and toxic and I’m scared and don’t know what to do. Or rather where to go. I need to go no contact with her but I’m trapped. I can’t afford to live anywhere else. I moved out of my ex’s place and even though I was unhappy there I am suicidal here. If you could only see how she acts it’s sick. They write books about the behavior. She’s constantly angry and I can’t even rinse a dirty cup without being berated for the water bill. Are you serious? It sounds dumb and it is. WHY are you so freaking mean all the time?! It doesn’t matter what I say or do. I’m looking for a room but it’s hard. Anyone in San diego I can pay 400-600 a month for a room. I can’t take it here. I wanted to do school work today and am struggling through it now because I can’t focus anymore all I can think about is buying a gun and shooting myself,-0.1840095238095252,2.024411702222224,1.9661507936507936,95.27875,89.75555555555556,4.992063492063493,18.702380952380953,6.5431188927421005,0.008838095238095091,823,24,186,10,28,275,138,225,0.258,0.7170000000000001,0.024,-0.9951,2,1,0,2,0,0,21.0,0,3,1,1,18,9,1,2,11,0,25,3,0,1,3,35,39,18,1,8,7,3,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,9,11,1,1,4,1,3,5,8,8,0,0,4,5,28,1,21,31,2,22,0,1,2,0,16,8,1,4,9,126,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958652280994067,0.10546644605650507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598182244073378,0.0,0.09194683744483552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956207890870172,0.0,0.0,0.16299766970982246,0.0,0.24085690844469865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600222085794988,0.16966763651168806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988727541334024,0.13643773768690642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144456128951274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511738888683927,0.0,0.0,0.16032919405787288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981192033999208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289426942082917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318894065451892,0.0,0.12666233872741664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430214257517786,0.0,0.0,0.1520049161352543,0.0,0.0,0.17665463318777025,0.12039403851957795,0.3206247536176575,0.0,0.1118412942660127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471584303467106,0.0,0.0,0.16748299922718268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758913702849647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662794515855427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994903041110397,0.15101086970141014,0.15265178012490754,0.1201949485819196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768415660680116,0.0,0.16498761146439506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340818807439935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664815918611877,0.14819336684885187,0.0,0.08795235675069643,0.0,0.14297273271181282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896563768794626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136103974162858,0.0,0.0,0.14539832628731755,0.0,0.10980874663603447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sigilif,2018/01/31,"I've got to be insane. This is a sorta-throwaway account.

I'm an insomniac. The lack of sleep keeps me up at night, so I'm stuck with my stupid existential, depressing and occasionally suicidal thoughts. I've started personifying those - slowly, almost subconsciously, building it up into a physical being. Maybe that would be good because I could imagine punching 'him' or something. But, instead, I saw 'him' in the hallway Monday.

So I'm hallucinating from a lack of sleep (3 hours total this week) I hope, but I've never done that before and gone with less than 3 hours over 4 days. So I don't know what's happening. I guess I'm insane, and when 'he' inevitably takes over, I'm dead. It's probably the only thing that's ever scared me. Not death. being possessed by your own demons. ",3.426864813039309,5.806753033557047,4.874808245445831,79.06874161073827,75.71140939597316,7.210162991371044,26.750239693192714,8.192908349453996,1.9641501438159152,618,24,112,11,14,206,103,149,0.181,0.764,0.055,-0.9487,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,1,7,0,9,2,2,0,3,24,26,10,3,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,6,1,11,2,15,14,5,18,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,4,10,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847890535491941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249320170037172,0.0,0.15702901348723475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733929700873746,0.0,0.0,0.119012325129304,0.0,0.1589430857004786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888473670649282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669260017166328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478247542891022,0.14759261770748716,0.0,0.2032904054166424,0.0,0.16318714139996798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328876816494946,0.3634672914557342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402665495744626,0.0,0.0,0.10141775431218013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539413055793572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232777751952522,0.0,0.0,0.1731772583177889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035015044938087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896414799699566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847556337591408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693443471470821,0.0,0.0,0.14206706234961647,0.0,0.0,0.1306175845003979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185560667773933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875028799311542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259944644823655,0.0,0.0,0.14650327482244768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802597579748686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310911411487735,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsalwaysanoption,2018/01/31,"Seriously considering buying a gun in the next few days... I've had some kind of clinical depression since I was about eight or nine years old, with that has been this daily constant low hum of suicidal thoughts and ideations. At this point in my life, I'm just tired of this party and I'm really ready to leave.

I can't stay drunk or high all the time anymore. I don't want to live half of my life in this self-destructive rampage and the other tied to a mattress. I'm just tired of feeling dead and not actually being that way. I love opiates for that reason, for a small amount of time I can actually get what I want, and if I can take enough my heart will stop and I really want to pass that line. 

In March I'm planning a road trip to the west coast. The plan is to go to the southwest and end up in Santa Cruz, hang out with my only friend, drive up the one to Washington. I've been toying with the idea of buying a gun and bringing it with me in case it feels right. Just find some peaceful spot and just check out. Send my buddy some GPS coordinates and a little goodbye and have that be it. 

The only thing that's been keeping me alive for years is this idea that I'm going to miss out on something or that life could eventually get better. It's not getting better. I'm in the prime time of my life and I'm miserable, it wasn't better than my teenage years, and I don't think it's going to change in the coming decades. 

I'm not loved. I'm not happy, let alone joyful. I don't have any family anymore. Nothing works anymore, none of my vices. I just want to find a good view, get high, listen to Pink Floyd and blow my brains out. 

There's not really any reason I'm posting this other than my friend got tired of me texting him about all this shit and wanted me to make a throwaway and just purge this shit. But after typing all of it, it still doesn't help. I'm not happier, I'm not calmer, less angry, more hopeful. Nothing. Its all a fucking waste and I hope eventually all I am is some statistic just like the rest of you. Just a fucking line on a goddamn spreadsheet. 

Sorry, that was mean. Look, just, I dunno... tell me something I haven't heard before. ",3.196006250849301,4.316522573991033,4.179563799429271,89.16913914934095,73.26008968609865,7.020410381845361,23.829052860443,7.348242739294969,0.7979396113602393,1692,46,369,18,33,548,211,446,0.153,0.732,0.114,-0.9267,0,1,2,2,0,0,53.0,0,1,0,6,13,23,4,1,23,0,27,17,4,3,5,79,72,22,2,9,21,0,2,1,2,1,8,2,1,0,30,26,1,2,11,2,3,10,15,9,0,4,10,7,32,14,54,57,16,54,0,4,3,4,11,26,4,11,16,225,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.15889921163462173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432171560758436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073041583217366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24222635476052246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927843887859933,0.0,0.0,0.21601569719669392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088642026441747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612661088720575,0.0701320872315045,0.0,0.08798103515968651,0.0,0.06500350639383846,0.0,0.0,0.052506144623654084,0.0,0.07012289387382363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210980617455504,0.08412378691575711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675111579126484,0.0,0.08233206181584779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882425091024082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580254505908384,0.15053429869064475,0.17014457291156124,0.0,0.13881060387184802,0.06828730580003142,0.06511526703064867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666811965010826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647754352604278,0.05457097132252119,0.17203950641519508,0.0,0.1617275615564057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838159676527503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236567521870284,0.0,0.08478152490367469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620706604697155,0.0,0.08325267844972117,0.2300241866381587,0.039775411803143465,0.08159953695083777,0.07189121716566775,0.0,0.06836836193317321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696100586027366,0.0,0.054345356794384514,0.0,0.0,0.08868514874140833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658611405732444,0.0,0.0,0.15624038631714918,0.0,0.08543168044169881,0.0,0.055169126348279536,0.1238400357179863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696379102433272,0.0,0.07797336912621218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647021191538024,0.1674170126855896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695282365075881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493393242796057,0.0,0.1671433073892062,0.06734759216046826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253549783836623,0.0,0.09113778264410463,0.0,0.08677789606232374,0.06501837791876547,0.06806685117054187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905514337108893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121418668213511,0.0,0.07116057623359462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054088719458233896,0.05216764820387172,0.0,0.06463466810944883,0.1424217795034036,0.2807247932087886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401043190176187,0.06462368965403276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592713209693443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572863859631628
suicidewatch,FloralLaney24,2018/01/31,"So there's this. So even though I've been having suicidal thoughts all day, I kind of had a good day. It's been yin and yang for me all day long. ",0.05545454545454477,1.4653012121212152,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,82.33333333333334,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.7351939393939393,112,2,31,1,3,36,26,33,0.135,0.778,0.087,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6263128651173644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138123024620535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715188127238458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371018773265517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28647972937595056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540943153604225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31805072095746,0.2569954714170212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrredstone03,2018/01/31,"Not suicidal but need to bring awareness to this issue. To start off I'm not suicidal or planning on killing myself I'm fine. But I'd like to talk about the area I live in and how shocking this is. Here many many people try so hard to get others to kill themselves. Some of these people that have been bullied by others have attempted suicide and some have succeeded then the bullies have the nerve to post on social media about how good of a friend they were. It's shocking. I know I'm disliked around this area but I learned don't react and pay attention. I'd like to start something to make notice of this. Some kids here did start a group to help but all they did was use it for good publicity. That's such a selfish thing to do. It's just unbelievable. Also if any one does need help send me a message, I'll help all I can. Sorry if this isn't a good group to post this in. Just would like to bring awareness to this.",2.579026315789473,4.267695468421053,3.387565789473687,91.9260855263158,75.89473684210526,6.223684210526316,23.453947368421048,6.9077264865688965,0.6059210526315786,729,22,158,7,16,231,103,190,0.18,0.6,0.221,0.7073,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,2,3,12,14,2,0,8,0,15,0,0,5,2,31,29,15,5,5,11,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,16,4,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,5,0,1,5,1,8,9,27,23,5,17,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,6,7,102,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412342067814853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854261422401198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590841781572175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394166346978447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059463907773793,0.0,0.0680257775986802,0.0,0.0,0.32762470158226403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663645760047955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618173024273432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589827206790925,0.0,0.0,0.2881010125200947,0.0,0.07155625208775039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083206270396666,0.0,0.11497177644924647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691162090106308,0.2640111377837659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930879879208669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823716159068276,0.0,0.0,0.08822903146566463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805329552314218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493972732027864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327257255999699,0.0,0.10023675436120766,0.0,0.14575177866430672,0.2764754021716987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272633753740117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465236867060132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650119454296645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883993994466008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245372624407253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249258974556028,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayremixd,2018/01/31,"tired of always being the ""fat girl"" I have had to deal with being fat my whole life and it has negatively shaped who I am. It has made me a shy person who lets everyone walk all over them. I hate leaving my house because I know people are probably thinking how disgusting I am. On top of everything my parents are always asking me when I'll get married (I'm late 20's) because their friends have children who are all getting married and since I'm their only child, they want a wedding, etc. However, no guy in his right mind would ever talk to a fat fuck like me so idk what to tell them. Finally, I self harm a lot and have depression/anxiety issues that I cannot afford to treat because I'm uninsured (and don't qualify for medicaid even though I am broke) so things just get worse and worse. I almost killed myself last month but decided not to and from there have found NO solutions on how to live a better life. I am at my wits end.",4.172323886639674,5.013382305263158,5.2015789473684215,83.8014372469636,70.68421052631578,8.582995951417004,28.299595141700404,8.841846274778883,2.068692307692308,738,26,151,13,13,243,125,190,0.147,0.7879999999999999,0.065,-0.9087,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,5,2,10,10,4,0,6,0,20,7,3,3,3,25,34,13,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,6,8,7,3,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,0,24,4,16,27,5,16,0,1,0,1,22,8,1,2,8,100,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343533109698285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328276407481032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264078041013212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543217976414608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453689840348381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866373079101865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832485787331766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883606707754885,0.0,0.1496366164649697,0.0886189673116568,0.12136574427345295,0.0,0.1282065557812652,0.12058463421118687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697824862058387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711205300539412,0.1036605177316572,0.12403932950096865,0.2102971109482804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328508148956993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246651430770798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481582160504606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400401191410474,0.0,0.0,0.14844081349985613,0.0,0.07373711170255318,0.10936762701841683,0.15135122259719205,0.14206817667097704,0.0,0.13719938251793146,0.1895385046981061,0.06554938580244564,0.0,0.11847583509939508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406775588605217,0.0,0.12695625577629505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547490121293912,0.0,0.1070943592200708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204342219312224,0.0,0.0,0.1489815002723244,0.0,0.0,0.09301757915972683,0.11715332166981825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465949976074174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458167225409832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399700682419898,0.0,0.0,0.11098799738997073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784191700171407,0.11727174789656356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913753946471578,0.08597163784113479,0.13182275350587105,0.0,0.0,0.15421032693452755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913778853133352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979761546199952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734643093790336,0.09531153774464288,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McNuggetPug,2018/01/31,"My mental health is at an all-time low, and I literally do not feel any emotions. I truly feel like I am about to end it all. Someone, please stop me. So, this is a new username for obvious reasons. Don’t want to put personal info on the account I use most often, since I once posted on r/roastme (didn’t know one of the rules was that your post history can be used as part of the roast.) Learned the hard way.

I am in a very tough spot in life. I am at the point where I feel like just ending it all. I did try this morning by tying my scarf around my neck, very, very tightly. 

The day after graduation (graduated on May 13, 2017,) I got into a car wreck. It put dents not only in my car, but my future. I was not the one at fault, but of course, negative effects can still follow due to financial difficulties, mental health, etc. The car wreck forced me to move home, which I didn’t mind. A lot of college graduates move back home after college to build money. I thought I would work several months and then move. I didn’t get a job until October. I was applying for cashier and other hourly positions. I felt like I was being denied due to having a degree. Anybody can do anything. Just because someone is 50 and a retired nurse doesn’t mean they are overqualified to work a front desk, be a cashier, etc. I am only 24, and I have a lot to do in my life still. 

During my time home, I felt like I was seriously in Hell. I never go that low, but I can’t put it any other way. I was without my own vehicle, so I had to use my mom’s vehicle. This became an inconvenience for her, and I will not deny that. Having to drive your 24-year old son to his job is childish, but she did it out of love. To say I am embarrassed and heartbroken my troubles went that low is an understatement. While at home, my stepdad began abusing alcohol, severely. I knew he had been attending AA in the 3-4 years I had known him, but I did not know about what was happening when I was away at college. During my time home, his alcoholism destroyed my mental health. There were times he verbally attacked me. He treated me like dirt. My mom received most of the verbal abuse. I told her the job hunt was destroying my mental health, as was my stepdad’s alcoholism. She seemed to care only about him getting better. Yes, I am 24 and shouldn’t have been living at home, but betraying your son when his mental health is almost non-existent due to a verbally abusive stepdad is very heartbreaking. There were points where I questioned if my mother even cared about or loved me. She is very two-faced in my opinion. However, I will always be the bigger person and still love my family, even if they have betrayed me. To exile them from my life would be wrong. 

At the beginning of January 2018, I finally blew my top. My mental health was non-existent. I decided to pack a couple bags, get a Greyhound ticket, and hit the road for a new life. I booked a hostel for 3 weeks, which I left today. It was a good time getting myself together. In the three weeks I have been in the new city, I landed a job, which I start tomorrow. Tomorrow is also 12 years in cancer remission for myself. It is going to be a good day, and one for which to be thankful!

However, now that I have checked out of the hostel, I am homeless. I have only $40 to my name. This financial struggle has led me to want to commit suicide. I felt like God was telling me to come here, so I listened to him. I landed the job, but now, need a loan or some assistance to move somewhere. I truly feel like all my financial and housing options are out. I am willing to live in a shelter for three months, but my grandparents, as well as my mom and stepdad (surprising,) will not let me and will come here and get me if I try to do it myself. I am trapped between homelessness and a family threatening to take me away from a job I interviewed hard to receive, all because of my finances. Now that I have landed a wonderful paying job, my family is trying to take me from it. 

I will be making $40K+ commission. On-target-earnings of $60,000, maybe higher depending on how well I do with the sales. I estimated I will be making around $2,300-$2,500/month. The range was created based on estimations of the new tax bill. However, I need a place to stay, sleep, shower, etc. 

I truly feel like because I have my family trying to destroy my own dreams and becoming homeless today makes me want to just end it all. I seriously do not know what to do. I do not want to do a shelter, as I want people who actually need the shelter to use it. I would feel bad taking services from there when I have a job I am starting tomorrow. People in shelters have been through a lot and are trying to get back on their feet.

I came here to save my mental health, and also because I felt called by God. Now, I feel like ending it all. I feel like life is just a computer simulation or video game, meaning I think if I took my life, life would simply reset from the day I was born. 

I truly am in need of advice. If anyone could suggest a place to stay for the next few weeks, where I can shower, eat, and sleep, that would mean everything. I tried to get a $5,000 loan to cover deposits, renting a car to get my stuff from my mom’s place, and cover other expenses (public transportation, groceries, laundry stuff, etc.) I am in a city where it is somewhat expensive to live. I came here for opportunity, to save my mental health, and because I felt called by God. 

Any advice on how to get a $5,000 loan, a place to stay, shower, sleep, and eat, and any advice on not ending my life is needed. I don’t want to end my life when it is just getting started. Feel free to PM me. Have a good day, all.
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suicidewatch,janeyeee,2018/01/31,"They have forgotten me already I don’t know why I don’t kill my self, I’m a coward. I moved away a long time ago, and no one seems to remember me anymore. My family call me, but I know that if I die they’ll move on easily, they have forgotten me. They don’t care. They have moved on. I have no one, I’m alone, and their lives have changed so much that it doesn’t include me. I will always remember them, but they won’t remember me. All I have is work and some friends who pretend they care, but I know they don’t. Please someone tell me why I haven’t killed myself? I need a push, I need to make everyone happy again. I need to be gone, and then everything will be better,. I know my dad will pretend to be upset at my funeral, but I think in his mind I’m already dead. I’m not his child anymore, I’m no ones. Please tell me it’s going to be okay. ",0.899898648648648,2.2992320540540554,2.951807432432436,94.4936570945946,79.81081081081079,6.7871621621621605,21.29222972972973,7.6454224807358475,0.5380337837837836,650,18,160,10,16,220,90,185,0.223,0.634,0.142,-0.9274,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,10,2,3,9,2,1,3,1,22,0,0,1,1,26,41,11,5,4,6,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,9,2,0,6,11,3,0,3,1,0,40,6,10,31,3,16,0,0,0,0,20,5,0,3,5,101,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659084360251717,0.0,0.0,0.112854814402468,0.2404910389133484,0.0,0.09066755800999007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612787890530333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237614682903218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963706333514554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126538543835716,0.0,0.22219403430451465,0.0,0.11527045692503594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308840304081973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412066853189116,0.0979306608170894,0.0,0.10272244658914934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418604135186758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061927285769641335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599520345674877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110712037833784,0.0,0.23953712255336926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621803721542403,0.09643054183598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273494271877122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002352568966214,0.0,0.0,0.3474374560398973,0.08010176762194643,0.24238836410198505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151238752386287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239221562303842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703081023557685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991975877690997,0.1136741954496844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923256389684921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048031852171327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982033291708363,0.0,0.0,0.06353833203744785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966478175562344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793277731505597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TotalBat,2018/01/31,"I'm killing myself in two days On February 2nd I'm going to commit suicide. I'll hold the method. My family will ultimately be OK, something good for more may even come of it.  I'm very tired of this. My life has been pointing towards this for a while now. I'm not expecting help but I would rather post here than other suicide boards that I'm familiar with. It's as though there is no other choice. Thank you for reading this. I've somewhat lost the ability to express myself so sorry for lack of info. ",1.244411764705884,3.7189331470588263,2.8799019607843164,89.55455882352943,85.17647058823529,5.752941176470588,22.225490196078432,7.1686216300943375,0.8999254901960785,399,14,80,6,12,131,77,102,0.227,0.675,0.098,-0.942,0,0,2,0,0,4,10.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,0,3,1,7,2,0,0,1,13,16,5,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,6,3,15,10,3,10,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,54,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538949676149372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879649263158855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421481147013786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028864574564364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223121921924909,0.1805129400423589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425472434425754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381045776525085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201340031080565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349336482239709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034486502556032,0.0,0.20611740265749626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152742048438661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165683763855352,0.0,0.2409166520964315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708226680631953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814194479440225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114485922602181,0.0,0.0,0.24735909147005936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102347250647318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757570982577198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288324622474067,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faulty_genes,2018/01/31,"I just don't fucking understand it anymore. My life is designed for loneliness. Right now I'm very emotional, very angry and frustrated and also sad. I just don't understand what kind of fucked op thing my life is. I've always been struggling with gaining friends and maintaining them.

I sometimes make friends and have good connections with people, but for some reasons I always get betrayed or ignored. Well today this happened again with two friends of mine on the same fucking day. One of them let me down with some fake excuse on some plans we were having for the day. It didn't even feel like he tried to make it look sincere. The other friend is just ignoring me like I don't exist or something.

This kind of shit has happened so often to me, I'm unbelievably tired of it. The thought that I'm cursed to never have true friends and a fulfilling social life are starting to feel very real. Friends have turned on me or treated me like garbage so many times that I'm starting to hate humans as a whole. They always end up hurting you. 

The frustrating things is, this only seems to happen to me in this kind of quantity. I fucking hate myself for this. I just can't help to feel 100% sure that I'm going to live a lonely life the rest of my life. I hate myself for having little to no friends. I sure have no *true* friends. No matter how much I try my attempts to maintain friendships always fail. 

I just don't feel like going on anymore. The above text can't even begin to explain how tired and hopeless I feel right now. I feel like screaming, breaking things and even hurting myself. I hate other people for having it so easy. 

I can honestly say that I'm a kind and loving person. I rarely feel selfish and just want to get along with other people. But yet I always get taken advantage of. Even other truly kind and loving people, as unique as they are, have betrayed me or ignored me and used me even though they called themselves my friend.

I apparently have to become an evil selfish bastard to succeed in life. I don't want that but I more and more feel like I should just become that. 

Nobody ever loved me.

Nobody has ever been a true friend to me, no matter how much effort I put in on my part.

Nobody apparently truly like me.

I'm very afraid that nobody will ever love me and want to share their lives with me because I can't even make and maintain friends. 

Why should I go on? Why should I even care about the feelings and lives of other people?

I'm truly starting to think about doing whatever the fuck I want, no matter how much it hurts other people. That's when fortune smiles upon you. That's what us humans are encouraged to do. Be selfish assholes so we get our rewards.

Fuck this life.  

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suicidewatch,tiredofsuffering,2018/01/31,"I have stopped believing that life is fixable. I am borderline and schizoid with an extraordinarily rare sleep disorder that doesn't even have a name, amongst other issues.  I am sick of doctors and medication and the whole nine yards because it doesn't fucking work and often leave me worse off.  

This bullshit that you can reach out to friends and family for support only works when you have a family that isn't shit and friends that you haven't alienated already.  My life has essentially reached a pinnacle of isolated meaningless and if I didn't show up for work I'd hear from basically nobody.  

On the Interstate today I was this close to following some asshole off the exit and roadraging him to death.  It's now gotten to the point where I am becoming a more present danger to others.  

If I am suffering from diseases that have no cure what is the honest point of keeping going, especially when I'm *this* close to snapping?  ",6.197408477842004,7.637582647398844,6.4706502890173425,74.34890414258192,66.45664739884393,10.159730250481696,34.647880539499035,10.317481424215053,3.8084724470134885,750,35,131,19,12,241,109,173,0.183,0.723,0.094,-0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,3,6,8,3,0,10,0,18,8,2,0,0,19,26,12,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,14,12,0,2,0,2,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,1,13,4,19,23,3,19,0,1,0,1,8,11,2,4,6,95,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038372903241714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964455744271278,0.18053028320489248,0.0,0.1841650315150352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187340935801596,0.16730967807796907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796471868930073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30819373652854354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525797574852467,0.15111743819903456,0.0,0.0,0.09289888543422163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423288742064045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061124189257576,0.0,0.14529201049479307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308202966348862,0.0,0.0,0.2309152539383067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467017207626036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431976703620215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090477329046292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677907868470399,0.0,0.0,0.16357945839902724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666105684400412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549406928849385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494230224058728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824988250743864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35700555666587136,0.0,0.16658114018548068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DryBrain,2018/01/31,"I'm done Overworked. Can't sleep. I work my ass off at this internship for no pay and no appreciation. I'm never enough. I'm not smart enough, apparently. I'm just used so the company can make money off my free labor and I can't leave because I'm fucked career wise if I don't. I'm in debt 40 grand and the only way I can hope to even begin paying it back it to finish this internship and graduate...in 4 fucking years by which time I will be even more in debt. I have no marketable skills. I'm a failed writer turned failed musician turned failed grad student. Literally the only reason I don't just get on a bus, ride it to nowhere, and disappear to die is because my family would be burdened more from my death than they are by my life.

This is my forever. I hate my new career and can't change it now. I fucked up. I feel like I will always be this way until it ends. I'm falling apart at the seams and I know what I'm doing now isn't sustainable. But it has to be because otherwise I die and everyone hates me for it even more.",1.4225342465753386,3.190858136986304,3.497851598173515,89.48787328767123,79.50228310502283,6.937077625570778,21.45228310502283,7.908726449838941,0.8523696803652965,808,23,181,14,20,275,118,219,0.231,0.664,0.105,-0.9851,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,5,9,15,5,0,6,0,22,6,2,3,1,21,45,12,3,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,3,0,6,3,11,9,0,0,1,1,22,7,20,37,5,25,0,3,0,4,1,9,4,2,12,112,35,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134456538131957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483690732031696,0.0,0.2493344699905756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144229453601978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829984197929405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395229740242871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075661443965635,0.2817509640006344,0.0,0.27015349962846424,0.0,0.0,0.1302785425826284,0.0,0.0,0.12852905019580546,0.0,0.06893751052839821,0.0974011960390966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781319053110551,0.07123192974734195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692146952992389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541620641620855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492880054628905,0.0,0.0,0.14436418552295974,0.0,0.0,0.09630084828691844,0.06660875021164052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100788984398547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515367576696896,0.13167784962115098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738515659284976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018004432416953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643828493330867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950084659161075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965971506202437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775383112709925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644040912631665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925701417499884,0.0,0.0,0.0968518977287412,0.0,0.0,0.08779837525557288
suicidewatch,IFeelUselessAF,2018/01/31,"I sometimes wish I could be useful ( Long ass post ahead)
Well, I'm an only child and from a middle class family by my country's standards. As a child I never had many friends except a few who I thought I could rely on. Being an only child brings a ton of expectations. But honestly, my parents are nice- in the sense they make sure I have everything I need, they never spare any expense or effort to ensure I do my best and feel any lack of comfort in any respect.
I was a straight A+ student all the time in my school.i confess I lost interest in studies when I reach eleventh grade ( although I was attending a cram school/ coaching for my entrance exam on my own wishes) and yet my parents manage to salvage my final grades by employing very efficient tutors a few months before my all important twelfth grade exams. Also, miraculously, I passed the entrance exam to the most prestigious college in my country ( unbelievable)
Everyone around me behaved, as always, like I was some kind of a genius or something special. I wanted to tell back at them that I was nothing but a fake. I know how I passed that test- it was a fucking mcq. I could solve some questions, but rest were just lucky guesses. Anyway, I settled into my wonderful wonderful college.
It was horrible. Initially, I thought I could study well. But then I saw these gifted kids just breeze through stuff that took me hours to understand.i knew from the beginning that they were better. But my college's system was hell-bent on making sure that if you were dumb, that you can't enjoy extra currics ( to be able to get a position in any club a minimum CGPA was fixed). Despite excelling in Writing, Literary Club and Debating, other kids ( who weren't even as good or interested) were selected. Things got worse. I wanted to study even less. I stopped doing extra currics. 
People were in a cutthroat competition. People backstabbing each other without a second thought.
I had a cozy set of friends. But then me and another friend of mine ( friend A) thought that two of our friends (B, C)were neglecting us/ started feeling a divide. This lead to an unsaid end of that group.
Then friend D started dating A, they broke up. I took care of A when she was suffering from terrible depression. I even through my work aside, because I knew she was almost suicidal back then.
Eventually she got better, and basically cut me off. I mean, we're civil to each other, but she got a set of friends and a new bf. I've been struggling with terrible grades, and chronic depression. Yet she never could even set a bloody assignment aside for me for five minutes.
I made other friends. We had some common interests and all. They're nice.
Btw I'm really really into anime. For me, it's like one of the drugs you use to simulate euphoria, you know. So I was talking to another friend of mine about it ( I do talk about it a lot) when my roommate said that she pitied that my mom had to put up with my obsession, and that she probably regrets the nine months she had me. I know, I've gone around failing subjects in my college, given my parents hell ( they try telling me to study and I just ... Can't). But that was sad.
My parents just want their one kid to be happy and successful. They didn't even scold me when I told them about my grades after hiding it for three years. They were understanding.
But really, whatever I do goes wrong. Whatever or whoever I choose is wrong too. What am I doing if my own friends hate me. I would've happily killed off myself- but I know my poor poor parents would be sad. They don't have anyone except me. I don't have a lover who'll miss me ( I never dated. In school I was too into academics, and even if I liked anyone in college- I was awkward and instinctively drove them out. I guess I'm not ugly. I sometimes look pretty too. But I guess my personality must be so unlikable. But I have never done henious things to people like others in my college. I don't know.) 
I've killed my promising career, my love life is dead, I think everyone hates me ( I know I'm a horrible person). Seriously. What am I doing. I should not be alive. But they say you want to live when you're dying. Maybe things will improve. But it always comes back to me making the worst decision possible. So I guess I'll make my own existence a never ending misery. Had it not been for my parents, I'd have seriously taken a dive off a building.",3.610938987661516,5.672923502364067,4.621215389099387,82.57212328767125,74.02364066193854,7.614339842611482,28.13750445286441,8.436157345764494,2.164626205511836,3457,140,643,63,73,1125,375,846,0.198,0.645,0.157,-0.995,7,0,2,0,0,0,127.0,3,5,13,11,36,72,8,3,40,0,69,7,1,9,12,133,136,53,5,21,31,7,2,4,12,5,3,2,0,8,36,26,0,2,23,3,3,11,17,31,2,7,51,6,130,41,82,68,23,84,2,12,2,4,71,29,4,21,43,466,166,30,0.0500976774080636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016558732966727,0.0,0.0,0.040063094523436135,0.08337056168954264,0.0,0.0,0.136272554240169,0.10506356571863124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005892174547344,0.0,0.0,0.08919510843515177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556606474517095,0.0,0.030539079158125194,0.0,0.04262943360596985,0.0,0.05257442165868564,0.08861464904572082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051077920952695664,0.0,0.0,0.043154713135532964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999459462613392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629811228543874,0.0,0.05199347974634809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126731753053402,0.0,0.0,0.058097400833430325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874334481018835,0.0,0.0,0.19853426067346544,0.0,0.0,0.0957409553044099,0.04502456213748047,0.0,0.04722763168121175,0.0,0.05066178192859778,0.0,0.0,0.05487955684540776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870534129280797,0.04631449550053586,0.02617396874033076,0.0,0.0,0.0420195549416782,0.12020306739946668,0.0,0.2207529589082961,0.0,0.0,0.05332990916340982,0.0,0.09892216937254728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049336120838310835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085131492719463,0.05216902178219452,0.1651942400161268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538547111765135,0.0979007786005986,0.0,0.04423716698331808,0.04433486802416568,0.0420694316003047,0.0,0.05468753285431805,0.04259125382243807,0.04521510980469241,0.04740363367467396,0.1337623547388917,0.050791181750383364,0.050329850541909575,0.05457105733477035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867379429779295,0.07997497629478892,0.0,0.0,0.03714679301271367,0.2318305034456735,0.048384649019095116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807007261486846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789496549957172,0.07620308231327119,0.0,0.0,0.33376525260748524,0.0,0.0,0.104194264886693,0.08748671911044563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647760396324216,0.047979726679817536,0.05096734836413567,0.05401376948531733,0.0,0.0,0.05036200286645147,0.05612086408911905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628156491585184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765436346776003,0.03983968384842824,0.0,0.1521045723729279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856763961979854,0.09909576790173856,0.0,0.07091878784151588,0.0,0.0,0.04188390153864149,0.0,0.05237296979884097,0.057349854867924974,0.05479872790235017,0.0,0.09443293615088208,0.0,0.0,0.08053323086861808,0.08757515639832532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984801241049544,0.03210056882753338,0.0,0.15908783958853276,0.029212358571491587,0.0,0.0,0.04787047765220495,0.11132072586593247,0.03401303446216295,0.0,0.04893815135044137,0.1043068979425616,0.0602613375575753,0.08653661653999742,0.0,0.0413358305148683,0.11819563248536205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008765695807276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521971324700445,0.048292373281586004,0.10865758825040643,0.03647170581352853,0.0,0.05105381324313548,0.0711759053162077,0.10954789156112801,0.0,0.03226126173391991
suicidewatch,damnitjeffy,2018/01/31,"I wish someone would kill me or run me over with a truck so no one would have to live with the fact that I killed myself. I've attempted twice. Been hospitalized once. I just want to die. I feel like I'm in constant pain. I don't have health insurance right now (worst timing) so I can't go to a hospital to try to get help. 

I just don't want my boyfriend to find me or for my parents to blame themselves. That's the only reason I'm alive.

I have a plan and everything.",0.6412871287128716,2.518728821782183,2.3688019801980182,96.06864851485149,82.56435643564356,6.02019801980198,20.000990099009897,7.1686216300943375,0.20669029702970265,365,10,88,5,10,120,66,101,0.205,0.6709999999999999,0.124,-0.9112,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,5,0,9,2,0,1,1,16,17,5,3,5,4,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,1,1,14,1,12,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147659657388232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625942670446787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786135573037635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048827417781454,0.14197898963572025,0.0,0.0,0.1816436003172885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383278467412972,0.0,0.11294780116047333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112499783540848,0.0,0.0,0.133210382625244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397499220645164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709370562709266,0.0,0.1754899411526668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165026312901591,0.13467050799811967,0.1511497609674092,0.2114720226502867,0.0,0.2206758424086408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433651607570816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972179098105836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683906824370948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588615266829508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493055327072606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23444250619824195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853973339848954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28235658581254364,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dybarra1317,2018/01/31,"Not strong enough I have been having a lot of thoughts of ending it lately. You ever get to a point where you just stopped believing in everything? You find love, and for no reason, and I literally mean no reason, especially of my own, and suddenly it's gone, and further more, has made you feel horrible for loving in first place. You find happiness, something that makes you look forward to the next day, a future, and overnight it disappears. You find your lost faith, because someone showed you what having faith could give you, and then after building it up, they're gone, and your faith isn't enough to keep you afloat. I've lost all belief in a greater power, when not two months ago I thanked God everyday for the blessing he had brought into my life, at a point when I wasn't looking, wanting, needing it. And then literally overnight everything changed. It's been over a month now, the days don t get easier, the pain hasn't lessened, but instead have gotten worse, and all I keep thinking is I don't want to go on. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep are endless bouts of sobbing, anger for believing in something that would do this. I've tried finding some strength to go on for my kids, but I'm not myself, and I feel like less of a father to them, and they deserve more. Like they would be better off. I can't keeping living with this pain, knowing the greatest thing I have ever known is no longer a part of my future. And I'm slowly losing the strength to keep from going through with it. I've lost the will to get through the days, knowing this pain hasn't gotten any better. When the thought of how this would affect your own children can almost no longer keep those thoughts at bay, I fear that's when you know it's time. And I don't know whether I should be scared or relieved.",8.619023109243699,6.4584401232493045,7.622239145658266,80.15587972689076,62.33333333333334,10.381582633053222,36.598214285714285,8.278499904357787,2.7476668067226897,1432,51,291,13,16,439,180,357,0.151,0.7090000000000001,0.14,-0.4757,2,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,0,14,3,11,11,27,1,2,19,0,29,8,2,6,4,68,72,24,0,8,8,1,2,2,0,5,4,0,0,2,18,16,0,6,19,1,0,9,14,11,0,2,16,4,36,16,41,48,14,55,5,5,2,2,24,19,1,4,31,196,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312135675886365,0.0,0.08260063200546952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609522236461896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050284415544645716,0.0,0.0,0.1858732922531948,0.0,0.14590930567637722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726222786973488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586060601757103,0.0,0.0,0.15959538322172126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306060546475297,0.1704659915788771,0.0,0.0,0.1492317101593824,0.0,0.0,0.1482712547103388,0.0,0.0,0.09282284930764616,0.08341764601150553,0.05893002539553267,0.0,0.0,0.3015731273225157,0.07016494327744137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292910025652677,0.07913078710864106,0.14064088231294952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781087666219395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36659924127002574,0.0,0.0,0.1813347802126464,0.0,0.09305097545482936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058264289001969824,0.08059973596137529,0.0,0.0728391342643092,0.0,0.13853965729375575,0.09228388334503808,0.2701388551618804,0.07012904006325102,0.1488987509114873,0.07805291055703857,0.05506192406043115,0.0,0.0,0.08985450116305141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168356912000742,0.0,0.0,0.061164410568196964,0.0,0.0,0.08772778978985124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26332174282688553,0.0,0.0,0.08932734737662572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618325406153624,0.0,0.1559571844497519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962447912147474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258569337286728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698925046434652,0.12700783852561648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896434233314877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594461745681227,0.0,0.0,0.054801902848910525,0.052855501430983005,0.0,0.19646071331790665,0.04809989095749325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560044901804025,0.0,0.08057958544691858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730807973420638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406314895626221,0.17579306081013468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SgtPepper1806,2018/01/31,"I'm trapped in a life I hate, having failed everything I've ever attempted and with no chance of achieving my dreams. What's the point? I guess I should provide background for how I ended up in a life I no longer want. 

My mother is crippled. She had a massive stroke years ago and lives on disability benefits (UK). 

I'm 19 and had a huge bout of depression in 2015-16 which resulted in my grades dropping from As and Bs to mostly Cs. I ended up resitting my final year of school. At the end of that school year (last summer) I got grades BBC. My first choice university wanted BBB. I was devastated. I ended up going through clearing and getting a spot at a university I'd never heard of, which actually ended up being a great campus and uni, just in a really awful area with nothing to do, and I failed hugely at making friends and was lonely all the time. This combined with dwindling passion for my course resulted in deciding to come back home and reg a part time job for a year or so and then reapply to university when I'd decided what I definitely wanted to do. Big mistake. I dropped out in mid December, and was home for 3 weeks before my mother got a letter to say her benefits were being cut. Shed lose her house. My childhood home. This supposed the pressure on me hugely to start working so I could cover the difference, and I ended up getting pushed into a full time office job. 

It's utterly soul destroying. I hate ever second of it. I have no day or life because it's so draining that my life has become just sleep and work. It kills me inside. I only wanted to work casually so I could find a new direction and go where I really want to go in life. I've always dreamed of teaching or moving to America or Canada. But my a levels mean I could only realistically teach politics or Religious Studies/Philosophy, which aren't hugely demanded areas. And I don't have the first idea of how to move to another country. And even further i can't even part-time study to broaden my options at a university level because this job takes all my time. Everything I've ever wanted seems like it's evaporated. I have no future. Just grey, mind killing monotony. 

And I'm trapped. If I even decided to go to uni againy mother would lose her home. And then I'd have nowhere to come home to over summers/christmas etc. And she could end up god knows where when my life is in the town she currently lives in. There's no extra support for disabled people, so she's relying entirely on me working this fucking awful job. 

I hate everything about my life. All my friends either have solid plans or are studying to go where they want to go. I've spent my life failing at everything and having every plan fall through constantly and have been left in this inescapable quagmire.The office I'm in looks our over a railway. I dream every minute of just walking onto it and ending this nightmare. I have no future, no hope and no solutions. 

I'm not sure what I expect to get out of this. I just felt like putting it all in words. I'm so fucked. I just want out of it all. I just want to wipe away the last 5 years and not make so many mistakes and not fail so much. I'm a complete failed waste and I can't take it. 

I apologise for any mistakes. I'm currently in that post-cry hyperventilating state and typing on my phone. ",3.919740853658535,5.400729638719515,5.1761902439024405,81.32002926829269,71.97256097560975,8.052878048780487,28.36390243902439,8.608573733854374,2.1353560731707315,2617,100,505,46,50,870,292,656,0.158,0.752,0.09,-0.9947,6,4,0,0,0,0,67.0,1,0,1,17,32,34,9,1,25,2,34,13,1,6,11,106,84,50,2,21,19,3,2,2,2,2,9,2,5,0,25,36,0,0,9,4,1,14,16,22,0,3,12,6,62,12,83,64,12,115,1,9,2,3,18,55,2,12,45,323,87,22,0.0,0.0,0.053667769289727316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048750278339787664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576074216273511,0.0,0.0,0.037398891719497056,0.05766767842408469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167017356022165,0.042288219281835175,0.0,0.06704961074612095,0.06073831590718879,0.04679720227987642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474767404138164,0.05766183693464697,0.05943070262272649,0.0,0.17563803612516982,0.0,0.060410080716568615,0.03546761027908522,0.0,0.04736762695842632,0.0,0.0,0.0574586934646728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896782018228481,0.0,0.06133462788792179,0.10897221907870694,0.14923999765315904,0.09267232452923888,0.0,0.1977059851543953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528043974120261,0.0602449881568417,0.05026497916763128,0.09355845312747277,0.0,0.0,0.08497892336704807,0.10168508615256296,0.08619878844251566,0.0,0.18753159029365246,0.0,0.08797000544660782,0.060632839649655525,0.06058385015972904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289029826951548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27582533840531753,0.054623036653935225,0.0,0.06345753488439321,0.0,0.062083334726919126,0.0,0.0,0.21829857555093676,0.0,0.1216889592197572,0.0,0.030224141755203236,0.08965750315170996,0.0,0.0,0.05975287686390843,0.0,0.3107601315968798,0.05373614134633983,0.0,0.09712423912275946,0.0,0.0461824503369236,0.1230520110337465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341997585527255,0.055756903279001055,0.0,0.05990632745269105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055529875309589166,0.0,0.0,0.11690323192754012,0.04042809153990156,0.0,0.04241599464144834,0.053115090111596736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276975839180092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365325916187702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910974415658752,0.0,0.0381270222461409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051988615146240376,0.0,0.052670579570031385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528576469359889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704631751360198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043734705955842966,0.0,0.111316960120768,0.0,0.050065925858143165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503531398602328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892616649260727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240835154824138,0.051832699160195,0.0,0.08269968904991908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827349908312466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919404510406598,0.0,0.044114150488719785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014979792823913,0.0,0.0,0.03906729408280775,0.0,0.0,0.17707680626501013
suicidewatch,LOVE2SPEWGE,2018/01/31,"My cries for help turned me into an outcast and no one takes me seriously I can't take it anymore Hello everyone , Never posted here but I guess this is probably the first and last time , I just can't take it anymore , I've been dealing with this alone for 6 years now always repressing it always hiding behind fake smiles and lying to myself that everything is ok 
the thing is I'm the kind of persons that rely too much on logic so I always try and comfort myself by lining all the solution and taking the best course of action ,so whenever i feel down I just find something to distract me and try to ignore the feeling or not thinking about it, but little did I know that i was just repressing stuff and it'll blow on my face someday 

Funny thing is it would've taken ONE PERSON , ONE FRIGGIN PERSON to stop me from doing it , but alas no one took me seriously 
last thing I needed was to be abandoned by my family
it's hard you know have your mom or dad tell you hurtful stuff
or scream their lungs at you whenever they see you 
because they think you're just lazy , while you struggle to wake up every morning because
it's hard to wake up every morning with the feeling of a sword piercing your torso  as if you were lifting the whole world on your shoulders
it's hard to be imprisoned in this black box alone cold 
everything is dark 
it's hard to breath everything is so heavy 
I've had it 
The only way I feel happiness is when I go to sleep because I can escape to my happy place away from my life

I'm sorry if this text is a bit long , I just wanted to share some of my story with you , I've decided to end it , I don't see anything I could do to get out of this , I'm not happy to become a quitter on life but it's not like it gave me a chance to recover.
and I guess living in a shit hole country doesn't help either
So I'm ending it 

But before I go I'll give you my last piece of advice , Find yourself someone , a friend a pal a family member even a friend over on the internet can save you , because Depression can be beaten , you just need to find that person who's gonna lend you a hand and pull you back up if you ever fall down , I in my case am a lost cause I didn't find anyone and it got worse the more I asked for help , no one listened , no one cared , no one answered
Don't feel sorry for me , but take my story as a way to pull yourselves back up 
This has been YD (21) student , signing off ",4.29611559139785,4.34712011309524,5.477232462877627,84.7509216589862,70.09126984126982,8.0905273937532,26.773937532002048,7.717688229018142,1.3733880696364569,1883,53,401,20,31,629,240,504,0.192,0.672,0.136,-0.9756,0,2,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,16,3,4,19,28,2,4,24,1,34,11,9,1,3,71,73,30,0,7,22,2,10,1,3,2,2,2,0,4,33,15,0,5,16,0,0,7,15,15,0,8,13,16,57,13,59,54,9,50,0,4,3,0,40,23,1,9,18,272,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569913838857344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392658605165211,0.0,0.0,0.1678292887288209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133353792643778,0.04701075442526679,0.0,0.055326886301404365,0.0,0.062853615536185,0.0,0.06316745218181442,0.10339578465809,0.0,0.16393802415540784,0.07425337290960762,0.05721018207557401,0.0,0.07055670181811176,0.0,0.07340083166390259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854834583906537,0.06906663132705332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053679939914047715,0.0,0.07385210116462841,0.0,0.06931409030932045,0.057907533586569665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119096654239275,0.0,0.0,0.04440664677193766,0.06081593929221541,0.1132931094465086,0.06424384541069332,0.18127358352217435,0.0,0.12676224753321122,0.0,0.1699746820001272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457983358070707,0.0571882065312421,0.0,0.0,0.10388782751027123,0.0,0.035126376088304545,0.06449585198487083,0.07641992756644866,0.0,0.053772231924149136,0.0,0.14812907309067214,0.0,0.0,0.21471177695064894,0.24090962102351746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351942360107128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197412961946456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001264108857337,0.07389880457177203,0.16441117726677773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497706510401772,0.032846562194860776,0.06738495326692534,0.059367816167015225,0.059498934360785474,0.0,0.0,0.07339257051309565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874227196796328,0.0,0.0,0.04942386222435196,0.09970457554863683,0.051854099350664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189109151559253,0.051133592978956206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348204377175808,0.07024399226430009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439046140421244,0.0,0.07248835664591949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715171359647184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901352861895968,0.0,0.0,0.06728137966232052,0.0,0.0569661543761465,0.051759113322228205,0.0,0.1505232861314941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620965211992709,0.0,0.07028634641795081,0.15393099844245925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25275358555856164,0.0,0.05876445238699386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399950425540394,0.0861601589327942,0.0,0.0,0.039204000883041226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469814230282415,0.09129334968459972,0.07313000712152512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039655662080379135,0.10673257398254332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506304800083767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851599245463827,0.04776026981934632,0.0,0.0,0.043295734933875306
suicidewatch,IAmReadyToSleepNow,2018/01/31,"I think I'm ready to go This is not an act of cowardice. This is not the easy way out. Taking one's own life requires a lot of courage and pain, unbearable pain. There's no way of explaining in words what I live through daily, so I won't elaborate on that. I've been dead from the inside for 2 years now, I'm too tired of sitting alone in the corner of my room and crying for hours on end, just a shadow no one talks to, no one will ever care for, no one will ever be kind to.  I just want to make it clear that my depression and suicidal tendencies are not inherent,this is not an existential crisis, I haven't decided to commit suicide because I inexplicably feel empty or sad, it is forced upon me by years of mental torture by real situations and people, which is still ongoing,  this decision was made because I can't continue to live the way currently being imposed on me, it is too hurtful, it would be for anyone, this is not due to some unexplained depression or mental health issue. Why I am making this distinction is very important, to me atleast, it just means that several people are naturally depressed or suicidal, their mind is their own worst enemy, while others are forced to kill themselves because of real life situations which make life too difficult. Unlike the former, I could have gone on with my life without never thinking of suicide, if I had a normal or an average or even a bad life and much of that bad life stems from cruelty by others. So this is my final cry (not for myself, I'm too far gone for that), just be kind to others, please be kind to people, this is my last request to anyone who reads this, just be kind, (even if you are a cruel person inherently, be kind to someone, if only just once a day), you never know who's life you'd be saving or making it better by even a tiny kind gesture. Even if one person reads this and becomes a bit more kinder, my first and last post on reddit wouldn't go to waste. Goodbye everyone. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.",8.167589310829817,6.102376308860762,8.562257383966244,72.76088255977498,63.126582278481024,11.714486638537275,34.85583684950773,10.380263240014207,3.372693389592124,1562,51,304,29,18,522,190,395,0.235,0.6409999999999999,0.124,-0.9948,3,1,0,0,0,3,48.0,0,3,2,3,21,27,3,0,16,0,40,11,0,5,7,65,61,20,6,9,23,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,1,2,28,9,0,1,8,2,0,5,17,14,0,6,6,1,25,13,47,37,8,42,0,5,0,0,12,12,0,12,20,219,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396108467343642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636312828440568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031281562902349,0.11293852425831233,0.0682051761191861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461858470514959,0.06742207733816549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296484344655792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049307521159503084,0.0,0.13567317872111587,0.0398278182310509,0.0,0.15957228764709613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469790771312242,0.0,0.0,0.1631582806415844,0.1117245368861238,0.0,0.059010959625285235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031225929994410512,0.0,0.0,0.06765120115965118,0.0,0.05253002719690687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019525732561929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564424644942042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081768926581109,0.0,0.06611158516255809,0.0,0.0,0.06445771642638642,0.0,0.0,0.06832439104853133,0.5787888005634129,0.033939744305964484,0.10067954143168953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053429789924956,0.0,0.0,0.10906420001720386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250314772220372,0.0,0.05843547108912438,0.16489170992251925,0.0,0.0,0.06727090722778553,0.0,0.0,0.12447200567482848,0.0,0.06235643627581556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045398115875570494,0.0,0.09526080338516707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060508234637653126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576863175170662,0.20923893307291955,0.046968583083519824,0.13142648988815306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284424944135001,0.10784674610275964,0.0,0.06779006586135138,0.0,0.0,0.059145633233607824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354637696953145,0.14058478049725046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697672399427878,0.0,0.0,0.13883373372397906,0.0,0.0,0.052326061966069766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493188017514387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702062463848116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046433184493217566,0.04963751636038772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791421127983255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097998476818326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095556061321591,0.03642556977994498,0.14705824909116366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572561426004048,0.0,0.0,0.05953103937323283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043870028887359504,0.0,0.0,0.07953829194989946
suicidewatch,thenascentmonarch,2018/01/31,"My whole existence is a joke. How am I still alive? I'm a massive waste of space. I can't do a single thing right. I was supposed to delete this account last week, but I never got around to it. So here's another post.

My life is seriously a fucking tragedy. I laughed the other day at how much of a joke I am, but then the sadness kicked in and I realised how sad it is that I ended up like this. So, so, sad.

I have so little to live for. Nothing excites me. I offer no value to anyone, and it's honestly a joke to think that a woman could ever love me. MY family love me, but why wouldn't they? Unconditional love isn't earned, it's pretty much the equivalent of a participation trophy. ""Congratulations, you exist, and you're fucking wonderful!"" No, I'm not. I'm a piece of shit. There are no awards for being so terrible as a human being, because it's so easy to be a terrible human being.

Let's go into depth about why my life sucks, and why I think death is a good option:

- I graduated with a shitty degree and I work a shitty job because I can't find anything else. Everyone else is progressing past me, learning to drive, finding their place in the world, but I'm exactly the same person. It's shameful when I meet up with acquaintances and I tell them that I work in a supermarket, and they've got good jobs or businesses of their own.

- I went to the gym after reading these ""it will change your life!"" stories, but made no progress. I started in 2014. Couldn't put on muscle no matter what. Didn't even make one month's worth of physique progress. Bulking made me fat, and cutting made me lose all of the strength that I did have. Lifting is a fucking joke, and I'm quitting because it has seriously reinforced the fact that I can't do anything right, and that self-improvement is a futile cause when I do it. I will forever remain a weak, out-of-shape skinnyfat fuck simply because my genetics prevent me from improving myself. People online are constantly nasty to guys who don't make progress, and put them down, calling their progress ""shit"". Wow, fuck you, you self-righteous cunt. Some guy went to improve his life, and all you can say is that his progress sucked? Where's your sportsmanship, you arrogant roided fuck? This has led to immense self-hatred, failing what most people can achieve. It's not body dysmorphia if you actually look DYEL.

Also, ""I don't like muscular guys"" is a cope. Yes you do, don't deny it. You don't like muscular guys because they make you insecure about how shit your body is. I can 100% guarantee that if you were successful and in shape, you would not choose a skinnyfat guy over a built guy who can bench 300 and deadlift 500.

- I went vegan, and I constantly get shit from people. ""Lol you're going to die of a protein deficiency"", ""why don't you eat meat like a normal person?"". I have to put up with bullshit from people who act like funding an animal massacre is fine and that simply not eating animals is too extreme. I can get 150g of protein a day, before you tell me that this is the reason I can't make gains.

- I have no talents, and as I mentioned, I'm not good at anything. No matter how much I practice, I'm still shit. Fuck this ""the master has failed more than the beginner has tried"". How about ""/u/thenascentmonarch has failed more than anybody but still can't get it right because he's a worthless sack of shit.""

- I can't attract a woman to save my life. Women actively avoid me, and if they do come in contact with me, they call me ugly and look disgusted. I was once called ""innocent"", that pretty much sums up how I'm basically a child to them. I tried lifting to be more attractive to them, but as I said, I failed at that, so I will never be desirable to them. Don't give me the whole ""it isn't a big deal"" spiel, people wouldn't have sex if it didn't fucking matter. Teenagers wouldn't date each other if it didn't fucking matter. AskReddit wouldn't jerk themselves off over how much sex they get if it didn't fucking matter. Sex is fucking important. The fact that I can't even get a date proves that I am genetic garbage.

My life is a fucking joke. Like, there is nothing redeeming about it. You'd think that there'd be something about it that's good, but there isn't. I have failed at everything I tried, so self-improvement is a crock of shit. I'm not of value to anyone. I was born mediocre, and all I will know is mediocrity. There is absolutely no chance that I will improve.

I have been defeated by life. I know things won't improve. I've done my trying and waiting. Self-help books are bullshit, I've read them and they just tell you ""to try"" or adopt delusional coping strategies. The gym took my mood from a 1 and took it down to -10. I don't have depression, this is simply a rational response to being a worthless fucking piece of shit that won't amount to anything. I have been rejected from normalcy, so I shall reject it and leave this world soon. I really hope I get hit by a fucking bus, because there's simply no point to life when you feel like this. 

I don't know why I'm posting this. It's futile. You'll all post about how I need to grow up and take responsibility. Well, I refuse to, because I get beaten down and fail whenever I try. What's the fucking point? I'm going to bitch and moan about how my life sucks and not change it, and hope that I actually die so I don't have to go through this anymore. 

Unless someone gives me the magic words that will fix my life, nothing will change. This is how defeated I am. Please let me give up, reddit. Please let me live a life of mediocrity and be loved for it, because I can't stand having successful people rubbing their achievements in my face and telling me that I'm just not trying hard enough. I've tried fucking hard. I hate how unsuccessful people are shamed simply because they didn't succeed. It's so unfair.",3.2880656149810537,4.919600040239729,4.288834159137282,86.44500291460218,73.8544520547945,7.298979889245117,26.466627805304576,7.987972078202968,1.5325403745263766,4589,164,935,68,94,1488,413,1168,0.229,0.608,0.163,-0.9988,2,2,1,0,0,1,182.0,0,20,17,32,53,98,34,4,53,2,119,51,14,22,11,138,202,79,3,18,27,0,4,7,0,16,13,2,0,14,67,39,3,4,14,10,3,17,51,60,1,1,24,8,131,37,97,146,24,87,0,17,2,23,79,40,29,14,33,601,198,23,0.0,0.0,0.06712124097351002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02750244196013095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03606192497949397,0.0,0.0,0.03410659574867575,0.048093924146750656,0.0,0.11320333424070718,0.03061524979592305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964412810669375,0.0,0.0292641778546488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640121755027736,0.0,0.0,0.10535105997026993,0.0,0.0,0.035328994064490006,0.10914324138155056,0.029624770812993632,0.0,0.07432883022266021,0.0,0.0274583868094741,0.0,0.0,0.04435865413829866,0.03545557439348161,0.029620887410616067,0.0,0.07138478322949769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519389706679565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038108498529226,0.057458475930986325,0.0,0.030460186850548382,0.035535059709172645,0.0,0.04542981552989617,0.03110859639450045,0.0,0.032862040461286705,0.03090838143423976,0.0,0.03242074070107467,0.0,0.017389105031227734,0.024568911977077282,0.0,0.0,0.06286543718680028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087022815658366,0.12577501695688836,0.09897284092956243,0.07818071087379926,0.11538203773031172,0.05501119211929849,0.0,0.0,0.20431477132257608,0.0,0.0,0.06161509840342104,0.033953957552470465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023051538636453282,0.0,0.0,0.06831597538851769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825545149187465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670112421712405,0.02803322624442053,0.0,0.03641506584100207,0.0,0.10550127406729692,0.26720490889274184,0.11761181701888185,0.03446878135303881,0.06073570361508751,0.0,0.057759497345181314,0.038474692511824164,0.0,0.0,0.12415675303334965,0.0976246867106869,0.09182494366491817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027450539829413468,0.0,0.1264065802558086,0.0255004644795854,0.05304886406010393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033695843408240035,0.09899717417008284,0.0,0.0,0.03662525489217719,0.023304207653564345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032830067123040166,0.16689655235892353,0.060057727523014685,0.03593123825628774,0.0755019034211563,0.06502115536555039,0.0,0.09881111261907474,0.06997594953262701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037172547932077,0.0,0.03657902411245791,0.06880054255342909,0.0,0.022031732549431325,0.03535963940895418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747878341448455,0.032713682779855466,0.027349075396819567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938638230735016,0.0,0.28241464754847023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029139352696985883,0.026475844734416724,0.0,0.0,0.02434210174844533,0.0,0.08239400624643488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025857725365792686,0.0,0.12023687559059565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045695657459305684,0.06610902439525575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641925414165109,0.18679365981304416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02758635736572172,0.0,0.030921607358166205,0.09564230617889684,0.15516248186538908,0.07679256759248879,0.0,0.0,0.037295534081079065,0.05007406363663533,0.0,0.0,0.024430354522086053,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpmeanxiety1,2018/01/31,"I attempted on Friday and I am so fucking angry. I am so angry that it didn't work, I thought it would have..

All the eyes are now on me and I don't like it, I wanted it to work, I wanted to end the suffering.

I am planning to do it again but to make sure it works 100%",-0.9178494623655916,0.4928447419354853,2.3335483870967764,96.73698924731184,85.45161290322581,5.423655913978496,18.397849462365595,6.42735559955562,-0.2724279569892469,202,5,53,2,6,73,36,62,0.145,0.804,0.05,-0.5463,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,5,4,4,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,2,10,14,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,9,2,6,11,1,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,4,41,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732279415992967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851912850228401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071117882261206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591748557006376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907453715979512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24490424063474994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36390728160039815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6737466878689099,0.0,0.0,0.21914033263687835,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoNotMatter,2018/01/31,"The world is gonna end soon enough, I'm just ahead of the curve There is literally no chance the human race will survive another century. That much is guaranteed. Our world is broken, we broke it. No matter where you stand on things, everyone kinda knows that we're just waiting for the end.

I sure as hell won't amount to anything. I won't be important. More than likely, you won't be either. I don't know why I should keep going even knowing that if I don't kill myself, I'll die an even more painful death later on when the nukes finally drop or when the earth gets too hot. 

Nothing is going to get better, for anyone on this planet. We're in the dying throes of a broken species and a broken world. We've proven that humanity is too stupid to survive. 

So why keep going? Straight fucking answer here. I've pretty much been neglecting my health because I won't even last long enough to feel the effects of it. Every day I watch my belly slowly get bigger. Doesn't fucking matter. Nothing fucking matters.

Fuck you. ",2.769772191673212,5.009551407960204,3.6820581304006303,87.50632364493325,77.2089552238806,6.0226237234878255,23.01675831369469,7.0608816371341465,0.8517601990049757,807,25,155,9,19,258,124,201,0.199,0.7040000000000001,0.097,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,2,3,0,5,14,13,7,0,11,0,18,6,0,1,1,23,37,7,4,2,5,0,2,1,0,7,2,0,0,2,8,2,0,4,6,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,1,3,15,3,16,27,8,26,1,2,1,4,7,10,5,3,12,94,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095861705630393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732636705681524,0.0,0.10277427027783127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613211193367772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045553052174203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054406418589362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592333186848706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123189194657386,0.2580906193539387,0.0,0.2474670647074961,0.0,0.10522566359003507,0.11933825981018945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314840785763169,0.0,0.0,0.13681147826992004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618371545967824,0.19575045215702974,0.0,0.2129345102001644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275280028607353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220168946491238,0.13817287470154746,0.0,0.20590971827584525,0.10180245626608568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061015207729601215,0.0,0.0,0.11052419483586756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836178290152905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967167641343196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289233640502612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705857470456008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177078527489261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297172308122895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253885676449026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wishiwerent,2018/01/31,"Waiting till he’s old enough. I’ve decided that I’m going to wait until my son is old enough to take care of himself to kill myself. He’s one right now. Dad and I are married. He has a sibling on the way. 

I’m going to wait until he’s like 13 or so and I’m just gonna disappear and go kill myself. Probably in another country after deleting anything that can identify me. Somewhere in the middle of the forest where I’m not likely to be identified.

This way no one I care about has to find my body. He isn’t left with the trauma of knowing I killed myself. His dad won’t have to find child care. And he’ll be old enough for therapy.",0.28098039215686305,2.3800555294117665,2.7827647058823537,91.26027450980395,85.61764705882355,5.685490196078433,20.83137254901961,7.03164865440522,0.5660201960784317,496,16,108,7,15,171,82,136,0.146,0.77,0.085,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,5,0,10,1,1,0,0,15,27,9,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,3,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,2,0,0,11,5,20,22,3,21,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,10,65,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570226336793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649700956060706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375020401065314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958397623761509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011589537323361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236564801205544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064752692738476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295335180194804,0.0,0.07112275986510444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406091046972175,0.0,0.0,0.12645066013810252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073958721794987,0.0,0.17538906901853887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953059220969086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051917511420724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730350944048917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479966243846976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544622536545296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foxtrotwhat,2018/01/31,"No point Life is okay, everything is going as per usual, I have a family that loves me and a few close friends I can count on. I go to university and have a set of hobbies. 
But I don't see the point of any of it. Every single day is an active struggle. I want to *be* so much but some invisible force seems to constantly pull me back and force me to be my mediocre self. Even if I manage to take one step forward, I almost always take two steps back right after. And what for? What is the point of this torturous existence? We're all just here on a waiting list to die. I'm just tired of it all and of myself. My mind is a wonderland of possibilities and ideas but my soul (I know that sounds cheesy but I can't think of another way to put it) is too mediocre to handle it. I don't want to deal with the endless battle of my internal and external selves anymore.
 I don't even know why I'm posting this - maybe I want to know if there's anybody out there who understands this. I definitely don't want to hear that I need help (maybe I do, or maybe I'm just more aware of reality than I should be - either way I couldn't afford therapy or anything), or that things get better or whatever, because I don't think they will. ",2.833265644426028,3.931244929133861,4.536282635723168,86.35030460008291,74.11811023622046,8.02453377538334,24.78574388727725,8.532816995589336,1.4325622047244093,948,29,210,17,19,321,140,254,0.08800000000000001,0.812,0.101,-0.54,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,3,12,7,2,1,9,1,22,3,0,0,2,45,46,19,1,9,14,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,7,8,3,0,2,0,3,27,4,29,40,8,25,1,0,1,1,8,9,0,9,7,142,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809880489273802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813463992824123,0.0,0.0,0.0802025185596064,0.12366925425990308,0.0,0.0,0.116963730138676,0.0,0.0,0.09705369259436064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137551867805468,0.0,0.07189447872698176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430740180031747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745008771542735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606085477100533,0.12158986097086365,0.0,0.0,0.12240199202506208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579510552866946,0.0,0.09936863749552448,0.0,0.10599590799788476,0.0,0.111182329488387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111932687256516,0.0,0.06161822460523456,0.0,0.13405482675660987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292574873533464,0.0,0.07905198056771964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313869948403242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444845918838852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330375606087498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644449143865954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35545653001342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908470145408487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669868578934525,0.08745022422582074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991847310627592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334471238005765,0.13295842601088714,0.11295289623003504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856120235265695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071920415016243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398205978642774,0.10736717488738473,0.1230360283703478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329537978455488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735079947414578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487344806486054,0.0,0.07835338635030918,0.15114101186519158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555345366349747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520920008703092,0.12277858831925115,0.0,0.0,0.12989307212307974,0.0,0.2782537528830548,0.1872288704026287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064215425677904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hidanmaccormick,2018/01/31,"I can't do this anymore Today I asked my cat if he's gonna do well without me while I'm crying. I'm going through this for 10+ years. My emotions usually get better after some suicidal thoughts. I thought I was getting stronger and I was gonna survive eventually. But today... I just feel so done. This is so painful and so difficult and shit don't get better at all. I mean, I was like this 10 years ago and I'm still the same. My whole family is abusive as hell but I can't even get a job so I can get out of this house because of my multiple mental illness my family gave to me. 
I think I could do it now. When I was young I had a hope that one day it'll all get better, but now I'm just so done. Don't want to do it anymore.
But I don't want to cause any trouble to anybody and that's one thing holding me back.
Idk
I want it to end soon.",-0.4816666666666691,1.3210870105820118,2.1431190476190487,96.52896428571432,86.30158730158729,5.261481481481481,21.090211640211642,6.508806274219699,0.14588656084656024,651,22,161,7,20,225,100,189,0.168,0.741,0.091,-0.9019,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,4,15,11,2,0,3,0,21,3,1,1,2,30,45,18,1,6,8,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,12,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,5,1,2,10,1,24,6,14,31,5,20,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,3,18,106,36,1,0.0,0.14478601156234913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083221741223364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309961294139785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423774434335865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423971033889352,0.0,0.0,0.09396360407304387,0.0,0.07449146812510105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32422565546070503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255321891919382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975660784901004,0.0,0.13423002913983045,0.07880834299193402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25010431584471243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374575971104435,0.10823217699221592,0.0,0.0,0.08071138662543889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230396967884278,0.0,0.061787562325547225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830640763002172,0.0,0.06944859348850288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137132933432412,0.0,0.14100141326806254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126380154524866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970033257051203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311069914577162,0.0,0.0,0.12314800247416174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561061426177826,0.0,0.13002851214752845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543567226225835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758839969166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336660372664819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811836859402293,0.07830028165658066,0.0,0.19402495193846397,0.0,0.0,0.2316610132012496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345851004563512,0.0,0.21622867566392326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987171211041337,0.0,0.0,0.13643098790129907,0.0,0.11779562069845947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738449333620114
suicidewatch,sadstrongman,2018/01/31,"Every morning when i wake up every morning when i wake up I am upset. I am upset that I have survived another night. I am so miserable in my job, my girlfriend broke up with me. I cant get hired anywhere else. all I want to do is just end it. i had a friend commit suicide a few years back around this time of year and all I can think of is how awesome it is that all his problems are over. He never has to deal with the pain of rejection or betrayal. I want that for my life but the only way i can see that happening is through my own death. I have no desire to live anymore and I am just a shell of what i used to be. I have lost my happiness and my hope. hopefully I get the courage to end it all soon so I dont have to worry or feel anything anymore. by the way medication and therapy are not helping.",1.1798275862068976,2.633553879310348,3.446643678160921,91.01272413793106,79.17241379310343,6.708965517241379,24.818390804597698,7.554174236665415,1.0736004597701143,621,23,144,9,15,214,99,174,0.171,0.653,0.17600000000000002,0.4712,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,10,13,0,3,7,0,22,5,2,2,6,29,34,12,2,6,6,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,2,26,5,21,31,6,19,0,4,1,0,6,6,0,4,11,110,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759691818722088,0.0,0.0,0.2981035750534742,0.0,0.0,0.12367959152900225,0.13379399519335142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556721575355172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494706009587106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761440687749543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555179369386396,0.0,0.26623268601346284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532592458404633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599342976043881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611718036425668,0.0,0.15704537655810005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290495573159752,0.1599913209469037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073925478588433,0.0,0.0,0.2985527586313418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491441293097013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615747064361902,0.0,0.0,0.13271282272248458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406423258438022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140592628614888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591640620903032,0.0,0.0,0.14104123433373458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430576191465586,0.1599239755191305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438115666332654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976528099782008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643978210508991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187489232881925,0.0,0.0,0.09630266562291084,0.0,0.0,0.0876379485572841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298062176337732,0.0,0.0,0.17729521452534522,0.2385936031369417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526313897754358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935694982869018
suicidewatch,Crestreddit,2018/01/31,"I'm Syrian, As if that's not enough. My life is falling apart, I think I'm minutes away from ending it. There isn't even a suicide hotline to call and i believe fate had planned it that way.
I'm syrian, I'm 22, I grew older as I watched people getting killed for 8 years, as I saw myself turning from a cheerful teenager into an empty cage of my soul, I've been living in misery for 8 years, we're poor, my mother lost her pharmacy and snapped years ago, so now she's half mad, and half yelling all the time.
My dad is a workacolic, trying his best to provide enough money so we'd survive this war, I rarely see him anymore. 
I've always been the smartest of my peers, I got 98.4% on my country's baccalaureate exam and got into medschool, I'm now 4th year, I also have 3 jobs, as if medschool wasn't hard enough, the stress is eating me alive, I've developed mental ilnesses beyond imaginable, my girlfriend broke up with me in the worst way possible, lying to others that we were never a thing, that destroyed my self confidence so I tried to pull it up by becoming a womanizer and find acceptance in stranger women, endless empty chats with random girls from college, sometimes it took the wrong way.. That was a year ago and I've stopped, but rumors still go around me about how much a horny piece of shit I am, that I'm rejected by almost all the people from my university even though i really became a better person, but the rumors are destroying my reputation, they're endless.
I try to find solace in home, but nobody's there for me, nobody understands me, they think it's a casual med student depression, but it's so much more than that, i started hearing voices in my head not long time ago, bad voices. I can't see therapy since I'm a doctor myself, that would be a major stigma in our Arabic society, and would probably make me lose my med grade. I'm deteriorating from every aspect, there isn't even a suicide prevention hotline I could call, not even chatting with professionals on Internet because Syria is restricted, it's like nobody gives a shit about the value of my life, and please Don't fill me up with ""you matter"" stuff, I've been living a hell for 8 years and we really didn't matter, the jobs stress is eating me, my parents have their own problems, what's left of my friends are more of a study machine and noone's ready to waste his time with me, and most of the college thinks I'm satan, I was a teenager and I had my mistakes with girls, it's really bad that it'll haunt me for the rest of my life. I'm religious but I started losing faith in the universe, especially after how much of a bad human being I am to others.
I swear that the only reason that stops me now is that I know it'll mess up my parents more than they already are, that's the only reason I'm breathing, I don't give a shit about hell anymore because this is worse than it, pathetically seeking help over reddit as a final resort? What has my life turned into, i try my best to find, just anyone. Who understands all this pressure, I already started developing stutters and difficulty while talking, I've developed other weird aspects like sadism and masochism. I think I'm a mess that won't solve itself until I kill myself, right now.
I'm thinking of disappearing and killing myself in a place that my parents will never find me at, but then that'd probably be even worse, letting them go crazy over a false hope for the rest of their lives.
I really am done with this life, that's only a small part that i could express, but there are many more details, like the fact that I'm a failure at studying because i have to dedicate a lot of my time working, and even when I study, it's like I could never focus, I stsrted forgetting names of people I know, like Alzheimers or something. I think suicide is the inevitable demise.",9.222681398416887,6.43074747361478,9.12200362796834,71.85234581134567,61.730870712401064,11.744129287598946,37.935521108179415,9.751328689232952,3.5334127968337725,3027,108,579,43,32,994,331,758,0.209,0.69,0.101,-0.9983,6,1,1,0,1,5,87.0,4,1,5,9,30,46,12,3,43,0,50,13,5,5,7,91,94,43,7,10,14,5,1,5,2,6,6,4,1,7,44,29,2,4,18,3,2,8,14,32,0,2,16,9,87,14,79,63,24,76,5,6,4,0,43,29,5,8,41,383,131,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578413169715504,0.0,0.05489441091866281,0.0,0.12099068600886015,0.0438396137772742,0.04561471434421892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873361624012297,0.038331488212638536,0.0,0.0,0.04880151110558505,0.0,0.0,0.051505288062942786,0.0,0.13731747977721445,0.1002534715302105,0.060544492919337486,0.0,0.06176347950386109,0.115060624622097,0.048483923114083824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195490172153652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130816613514415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721647138475951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611069478150419,0.0,0.056099994937253865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218929531616156,0.0,0.0,0.04855433670389934,0.16993145141011567,0.0,0.21724895225929006,0.0,0.04618829821403539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005273943487405,0.20041831123243956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235387289920085,0.0,0.028641239381129394,0.10517686943536544,0.0623110517696695,0.0,0.0876892829892547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910804140175088,0.0,0.05626123770287557,0.0,0.06178623635840936,0.0,0.036744757147710895,0.0,0.05498902957260985,0.054448728229151866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880097977972464,0.0,0.18195095352413612,0.0,0.060255386049463164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059562198525968175,0.056057265930852015,0.19360528755676296,0.1339116577675364,0.0,0.14522145667117453,0.04851406298404793,0.0,0.1226593378408296,0.059842614438153724,0.04660608822349635,0.0,0.0,0.03659284211221736,0.05557897655473387,0.0,0.0,0.1217855445117614,0.0,0.055245766487475485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208972424780482,0.0,0.12684192089684926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507946791144867,0.0,0.0,0.1826136989745886,0.0593648255965152,0.0,0.11401606353117648,0.04786679638787243,0.0572753361311838,0.0601760071020397,0.0,0.061801425333382565,0.0,0.0,0.11821067848395132,0.052455431620997306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047663799620955,0.1127283851549926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681606545503393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736904346465127,0.0,0.0571893196150153,0.0,0.1688161331026267,0.0453477528152078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042203190875432416,0.054218480167992016,0.0,0.11640584578554347,0.0,0.04377940228777202,0.09166411575447808,0.12559247755640898,0.0,0.0627558983523303,0.17989287362609788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406231944278507,0.0,0.0,0.06269156141600082,0.0,0.036420038213672894,0.21075903738888285,0.05386046943797266,0.0,0.12786416351820012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060907147655723914,0.14887699634306234,0.11925705257188098,0.0,0.1141393138623496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054092999146374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990968535214192,0.0,0.11173272963858814,0.07788525166185185,0.059937173017740486,0.0,0.2118140804458208
suicidewatch,donies,2018/01/31,"Wondering if I should be worried about a friend I have a friend who has a very self deprecating sense of humour, and that includes making a lot jokes about hating life and killing himself. I'm not sure if there is any cause to be concerned or if he does it just because he knows he can usually get a quick laugh with them. He is also at the butt end of a lot similar jokes, its just banter but I've been trying to stop making negative jokes about him just in case. 

He has a good group of friends, we hang out all the time and he gets invited to everything and up until recently I assumed he just had a really dark sense of humour. But what's actually making me concerned for him, is the fact that he recently dropped out of school and quit his job. For a few months he was literally doing nothing all day. He recently got a job so maybe things aren't so bad?

I've thought about talking to him about it but always manage to convince myself that he's fine and they're just jokes. 

What do you guys think?
",5.355882352941176,5.286424588235295,5.905686274509804,83.00058823529416,67.82352941176471,9.349019607843136,29.745098039215684,9.075114841892004,2.17661568627451,792,26,167,13,12,257,124,204,0.07200000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.177,0.9676,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,1,1,15,17,2,0,13,0,16,2,1,4,4,40,28,17,1,4,13,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,10,10,0,1,5,4,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,13,14,24,20,5,18,0,0,0,1,27,5,1,8,11,106,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.13293836070435933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894105938802644,0.1133521688760277,0.0,0.0,0.09263935175896032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374424810876133,0.08304300193972161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994313836124952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785544901537737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921357794421085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065710490241045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243246698953328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157470186393361,0.0,0.1423464620933211,0.0,0.0,0.11426113945546483,0.10895355322197167,0.0,0.0,0.13488661400061985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449642441003815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703694895643176,0.0,0.15071551294745786,0.0,0.07486705543772211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622149153371792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316314487073115,0.0,0.0,0.2727986842660281,0.0,0.13685880489509428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873546771318336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071393255605104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489468404180775,0.0,0.0,0.08727080626397167,0.0,0.4035245791977591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786947354899676,0.0,0.0,0.14211496242172386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389226566745113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839277928694315,0.0,0.0,0.10949448103210688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050347856866148,0.08728906283023209,0.0,0.10814939526444192,0.07943533388664052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248951064281584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003531329903216,0.11240193051835763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477328812883223,0.0,0.13834560949893426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jhgfd333,2018/01/31,"No help unless you attempt I don't want to attempt. I don't want to hurt myself again. I've been doing so well for years. But where I live you don't get any help unless you've attempted or actively attempting. If not, enjoy the year+ long waiting list to talk to a professional.
I need help. I need to talk to someone. I need someone to switch up my meds again. But I guess I have to attempt.",0.7018970189701932,2.8936946097561003,2.641382113821141,92.35307588075884,84.60975609756099,5.595663956639567,21.30623306233063,6.937597516519254,0.5021582655826561,306,10,67,4,9,102,48,82,0.09,0.7140000000000001,0.196,0.8640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,2,0,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,14,14,7,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,12,2,12,13,0,7,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,5,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824253114433105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620937455619632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394419747426836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087781561697008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762356788223144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795066649635212,0.17990311865172032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258066828124449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522055128654836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444898279260141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32678972632705905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398085732829852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277995583464507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26182108377577923
suicidewatch,ParticularCommission,2018/01/31,"HEY!!! I want to kill myself! What should I do? I have no where to go or anyone to turn to! I live with my asshole patronizing abusive manipulative father (in the middle of nowhere!) who demands to live vicariously through me even though I literally only do things he hates! He loves shouting about how much he hates ""fags"" and ""niggers""! He *really* likes telling me that even though I'm a disappointment he still loves me, then he treats me like shit! The best part about living with him is that no one accommodates for me, there's no room for me here! My closet is full of his stuff, the freezer is full of literal years old meat, the fridge is just full of other people's food, I have nowhere to put my own things! It's great! I've considered pretending to be homosexual to get him to hate me, but I'm afraid he'd beat the ever-living shit out of me first!

I can't live with my mother because she's a psychopath! Every time I see her, I think ""maybe she's changed"", but nope, she's always the same old psychopath! She likes going around town and telling **TOTAL STRANGERS** about how when I talk to my friends on the internet in private I say things like ""I'm going to rape you""! She once threw a hissy fit because I asked her politely to stop insulting my friend TO HIS FACE! She also once threw a hamburger at an employee's head at a restaurant because she didn't like it! She used to come home from work in a literal blind rage, stuttering, mumbling and sobbing without any coherent English, smashing things! I had to run away from home! Which brings me to the **B-B-BONUS ROUND!!!**

I used to live with my best friend and their family for about a year! It was great! They told me they loved me like family and said they wanted to legally adopt me! We all had the same sense of humor and it was the best time of my life! I finally felt I had a chance to have an actual childhood even though I was 18! Then one day they sent people over to kick me out, and I never got to know why! I'm very straight edge, no booze drugs or delinquency. All I got was a note that said I threatened to hurt someone in the home even though I have never ever wanted to hurt anyone in their home, and literally never been in a fight in my whole life! Now I can barely cope with reality! I can't stand knowing that I somehow ruined my one chance at escaping my family, how typical, I ruin everything! I really, honestly, at this moment, want to kill myself! I want to be dead. 

I have no friends. I hate humanity. I fucking hate people. All people. I have such burning seething rage for all of humanity. When I see someone crying about their dead child, I laugh, I really do. I don't know why. I don't have that emotional connection anymore. It's gone. I cannot put the 2 + 2 together in my brain to figure out which situations are sad and which are funny, because my entire life has been abuse after abuse after abuse. Then, my shining glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel turned out to be a trash fire. My brain doesn't work anymore. I'm scared for other people's safety. I need to be killed before I do something bad, because I think I am going to do something really bad. I have never done anything bad (on purpose) but this rage will build up infinitely and eventually it will have to be let out. I think I would murder my father. He's such a piece of fucking trash, literal human scum which I would do anything to see wiped from the face of the Earth. A useless degenerate. I loathe him so. Every time I see him, he says the stupidest fucking shit ever. Just thinking about him has put me in such a fowl mood that I'm practically slamming on the keyboard right now. Whenever I'm cooking, ""WHAT ARE YOU MAKING ME?"" Whenever I order food, ""WHERE'S MINE?"" I'm tired of hearing his voice.

I just couldn't in a million years bring myself to seek revenge on the family which threw me away so carelessly and literally ruined my life, but secretly I hope something terrible happens to them. I hate them. I hate them so much. I wanted to forgive them. I wrote them, I was trying my best to be mature and apologetic, making it explicitly clear that I don't know what I had done wrong but I wish to apologize and make things right... fucking nothing. No response. No acknowledgement. To them, I am nothing. Garbage. I wish they were fucking dead. I wish someone would burn down their house with their children stuck inside. I want them to feel hopeless and destroyed. Then I will show up to the funeral and laugh. Because they destroyed that emotional connection for me.

There's nothing anyone can do. I'm disfigured. I know for a fact I can't be fixed, because I truly deeply believe that ""trust"" is a joke. Something I've been tricked into believing in. There is no such thing as trust. Nobody can be trusted. Everyone you meet only speaks to you because they want something out of you, your body, your money, or your attention. Nobody does anything nice for anyone for free. That's the world we live in! That's why I hate people. That's why when I hear about a shooting or bombing, I feel nothing. Literally absolutely no emotion whatsoever. No sadness, no happiness. People I never knew died. I don't give a shit. They were probably all egotistical cunts anyway. They deserve to die. As do I.

I am not good at anything. I'll never be good at anything, I have a learning disability. I have too much empathy to hurt others, and too much rage to befriend them. Not like they would befriend me anyway, I'm an ugly annoying retard who makes everything worse.",2.5924756618651195,4.888234049953748,3.8710262984009534,85.64620289855073,78.06567992599443,6.856300603497642,25.00384124047399,7.924956127950463,1.5134960944451796,4332,159,848,74,105,1415,410,1081,0.25,0.604,0.146,-0.9994,2,0,6,1,4,4,173.0,2,8,23,8,49,91,33,2,44,0,82,30,10,10,17,118,171,45,10,19,15,3,5,7,4,8,7,9,6,5,41,33,4,1,19,4,2,16,32,54,0,6,31,21,167,37,125,120,23,104,0,12,7,9,99,50,12,6,43,577,208,5,0.0,0.17841002279405574,0.03673554313368689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030104245042395488,0.031323189687156486,0.0,0.0,0.02559951006155656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466633817233373,0.1052874708117206,0.0,0.15489083290034433,0.033511532656870575,0.0351924697448611,0.0,0.07073638105953242,0.0,0.094294604893631,0.18358160961480566,0.0,0.03203264576933577,0.08482478568819242,0.15802206907900646,0.0,0.0,0.04181448647369431,0.0,0.08404728953765153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982282601225754,0.0324273517665091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135064965887815,0.024277549532984367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813797079380694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03294290309800018,0.07704666391672046,0.0,0.0,0.04365559904496994,0.0,0.0,0.127034784485014,0.03334180035050588,0.0,0.0,0.0994551902645889,0.10215465340960912,0.06343412852999883,0.035970875607112096,0.0676647906327043,0.0,0.1419513109324594,0.0,0.03806831987406107,0.0,0.036144565806448224,0.04123764394000511,0.0,0.03202034140669202,0.091039612471109,0.0,0.1163360037549394,0.1740083907831231,0.019667666166675736,0.036111977016499465,0.0855768110026518,0.06314874043475098,0.060215395055987685,0.08300625592404458,0.0,0.0,0.03328885394163559,0.0400732063421816,0.0,0.29732872733277793,0.03863405582906427,0.0,0.08485603951853847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510417705144579,0.037389422844479735,0.0,0.04343662948460352,0.12089745470190935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494398601265876,0.0,0.1034419985981662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384939903568198,0.10635752491293274,0.12873820312212528,0.0,0.19944438102276005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192673042640453,0.0,0.10051182397185564,0.0,0.037818899705175255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069197920704132,0.02791287524581275,0.17420227685976278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448342170445289,0.0,0.07900301454146617,0.0801801999700718,0.07652654030563355,0.05726058583923374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076526006219036,0.0,0.18268540358079904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040587073255118934,0.0,0.0,0.11352917889784454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646396873966072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429629209506224,0.07161696580046333,0.05987273920056557,0.03768865153430257,0.0,0.11999097925187517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456590665086573,0.0,0.04231392776500738,0.0,0.0,0.09568803547392424,0.14490264514415188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030062898386296975,0.0314724374202606,0.0,0.0,0.04309387741078955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03025717490078637,0.06580579955697284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500557592146726,0.09648414846427232,0.1479418845518851,0.0,0.0658523270229211,0.04326674602317468,0.0,0.035970875607112096,0.0,0.025558103692799185,0.0818926816257406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502541904085699,0.0,0.0310606054188496,0.177629328218707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587300741463845,0.04202867286458213,0.12986774446267368,0.03628789678483897,0.0,0.05481120128063705,0.0,0.03836290038256951,0.10696612032802508,0.041158285582567566,0.0,0.0727253553551622
suicidewatch,The1WhoIsThe1,2018/01/31,"I the subredits 2meirl4meirl and the other ones like it saved my life... I was really close to jumping at one point until I found these subs. They gave me something to relate to and and laugh about I guess...  
Just wanted to share that, bonding with people about how much I want to kms, may have saved me from actually doing it.",3.934285714285714,5.6503960793650805,4.308126984126982,86.61742857142859,72.33333333333334,6.9447619047619025,22.123809523809523,7.554174236665415,0.7931485714285711,255,6,50,3,5,80,48,63,0.0,0.774,0.226,0.9217,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,14,9,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,9,5,11,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.3047817524401327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34244555175798713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440584966662112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060265115852493,0.15258502026134188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22959300806452265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232756811326081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652512875594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952457581321484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000818208458951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24044115509345335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368431859998932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckthisshitlmao,2018/01/31,So pathetic I was way in over my head going to this college. I don’t fucking belong here and I’ll never do anything with my life. Why not die now? ,-0.6506250000000016,1.447755187500004,2.2800000000000007,92.965,90.875,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,0.1338499999999998,114,4,25,1,4,40,28,32,0.12,0.785,0.095,-0.2136,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32219799600526233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40634905775670255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619656098982614,0.0,0.0,0.22251701806100074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018254383617643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765510775020704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019741035926981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107803795275748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35329730204539544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PMOTM,2018/01/31,"I don’t know what to do My husband has been having and affair, my job is fucked and I have never felt so helpless and hopeless in my life. I don’t know what to do. I need help. ",-1.5337499999999975,0.3452831250000017,1.1000000000000014,101.425,92.75,3.2,15.5,3.1291,-1.34415,135,3,34,0,5,46,26,40,0.261,0.6779999999999999,0.061,-0.8699,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,8,14,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,7,0,3,12,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899639995579168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754755743355362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722312054806831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030373879441881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464146086204622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868730393679867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30115222654234824,0.31324495167592337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Prxnce-Kxsses,2018/01/31,"I really want to die I just feel so depressed every day. I’ve been diagnosed with depression so i’m not, like, self diagnosed or anything, i’m seriously depressed. I feel so lethargic all the time and like nothing matters. I can hardly ever find a reason to get out of bed in the morning anymore. I just want to die. I want it all to be over",0.9102857142857133,3.2452242428571445,3.4996428571428595,85.55660714285716,85.14285714285714,6.357142857142858,25.892857142857146,7.6454224807358475,1.717714285714286,267,12,53,5,8,93,46,70,0.371,0.5710000000000001,0.058,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,3,18,11,5,2,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,6,2,9,9,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244971686550035,0.0,0.0,0.15139239073170732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864602301127458,0.0,0.4753616480397284,0.3734532197962675,0.381865536645728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641222847578108,0.1550034335846995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604244837980533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814608675512474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611721188825546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648018075621134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975779626953142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652505819217806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785648134807605,0.18915274471156696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919217907449658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727492213457386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255324430707165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmberFr0st,2018/01/31,"Life sucks... Not sure if it's worth trodding through. Honestly, society just sucks. People are judgmental. Standards are too high. Can't find the right women, the ones I do find just worsen my opinion on relationships in general. School grades are piss poor. Doubt I'll make it far without some miraculous miracle making its way to me.

I'm working out but I rather not. I've been staying back at school trying to catch up, but still falling behind. I've tried just being friends, but they ""rather not"".

With the world basically on the verge of war or whatever propaganda is being blasted around these days about war and presidents... is it still worth while to stay here a little longer?

I've had low episodes before... plenty in fact. They tend to just come and go. I can't get rid of my current episode however. Hence I'm here",2.421032388663966,5.245761602564105,2.9672334682861,88.41285425101215,83.61538461538461,6.361133603238868,24.2361673414305,7.669130373188453,1.4655564102564105,654,25,124,12,19,203,110,156,0.184,0.757,0.059,-0.9576,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,1,14,10,5,1,5,0,12,2,1,2,2,32,22,8,2,3,15,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,3,4,6,7,0,1,2,0,8,3,19,18,1,28,0,1,0,0,5,15,3,5,6,74,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978994899643673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802173620896466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273830911024258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546203492963092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576039930357225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32811311580594105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867855804141976,0.0,0.09377951781049744,0.0,0.10201200289318843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896479174138465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678369305902562,0.0,0.1799026580245266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396306279162204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163148029781234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444027902472173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927120765958068,0.0,0.15328903842933642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633201011131752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382638792884176,0.2866922888318916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917333602552662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437326950894161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247597443006366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730282298875571,0.0,0.13067559676759202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JeremyBenthamIsLocke,2018/01/31,"My life is falling apart and I feel the only thing that will make thr pain stop is death I thought my wife and I were happy. I thought we'd grow old together, be grand parents together. Recently she has told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. We have 2.5 year old daughter and the thought of her growing up in a split up family kills me

I can't deal with the fact that I may not be able to see my daughter of wife every day. I love them so much. My wife says I'm a good husband and father and have done ""nothing wrong"", so why am I being punished? I feel like the best thing to do is  just end it and let them collect my life insurance $",3.2346682653876897,3.434016000000004,4.355635491606717,91.34306155075943,72.45323741007195,7.616626698641088,27.67466027178257,7.3871296695380915,1.190116866506794,500,17,119,5,9,164,89,139,0.125,0.727,0.14800000000000002,0.6681,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,2,1,3,10,2,0,6,0,20,4,0,1,1,21,31,8,2,1,2,8,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,6,4,24,6,10,17,2,14,0,0,1,1,19,4,0,1,8,76,29,0,0.15811148399242628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680410629735506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592824774667828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196882693840026,0.16300599734422722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180294325898134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003984484250773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321574455600665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905343554633949,0.0,0.15989183405021434,0.11295487575635765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261641122429887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168312614781036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492693087234276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167970476304058,0.2233576341118944,0.07724528455915561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270178738764708,0.0,0.10554064332073892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623013327494898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171223318103758,0.0,0.33182281047128404,0.0,0.0,0.12025090835257975,0.16824176665643176,0.0,0.17556409174098242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611601573096553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573659820106142,0.0,0.0,0.12599438197912288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218828038126493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008448871226607,0.0,0.0,0.376568571197524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510822986735536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932582497860272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426710216350253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287008698913686,0.0,0.10181861180249303
suicidewatch,PublicHandSanitiser,2018/01/31,how bad is a k10 test score of 41? sad backstory who gives a fuck. bad place. just did a k10 test and got 41/50 ,-2.4793999999999983,-0.7784694399999985,-0.4084999999999983,109.12325,103.4,4.1000000000000005,10.25,5.985473137389443,-1.6763999999999997,84,1,24,1,4,27,20,25,0.43,0.57,0.0,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,10,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6655865849321798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684759611693518,0.0,0.3823492470965013,0.0,0.0,0.3187766617257758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164258123391838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatdidididdlydoo,2018/01/31,"I'm a failure toying with the idea of suicide There's still time left. I probably won't try anything until the end of this year, but it seems inevitable. I am a fuckup.
I'd like to talk about someone who's toyed with the idea before and is a bit happier now.
Pls? I'd prefer someone who doesnt try to judge my character. I'm not looking for advice, but just want to know your what got you through, etc.
PM me if anyone feels like helping. It'll be like granting the wish of a dying person.",1.2796116504854351,3.247642446601944,2.9765145631067966,92.06787864077671,80.84466019417476,5.285048543689321,22.921359223300968,6.2581,0.4444415533980584,384,13,82,3,10,127,76,103,0.045,0.71,0.245,0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,16,15,5,2,4,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,6,3,12,11,2,7,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,9,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760629194621813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598111441400062,0.0,0.1482669844064744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533139083136038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967021947421222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869910742989679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957975369119626,0.0,0.2009404634965003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110085605872456,0.12871558999291194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410076556209114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207661291067255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067866549457661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901834024610476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575843509189167,0.0,0.0,0.2640702043968863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129989853469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573200685274706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425691129483805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640226849619121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053199081752964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438863489462393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970799617695718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481619070656074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506029484348076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446512095468813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627067280218057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718999829963933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602547125708745
suicidewatch,sinistersenpai,2018/01/31,"Battling my suicidal tendencies So I've had major depression since I was 14 and now I'm 18. In that time I've tried to kill myself twice. I promised my boyfriend and my mother that I wouldn't do it again it's just I'm in such a state constantly. I can  get suicidal thoughts about the smallest of things. It's been building up and recently I found out that my only grandparent has 5 years to live, no big deal everyone goes through shit like that but the thing is it's like i have a hole in my heart, i don't know how to feel about it. I'm so stressed because of life. College is awful. I don't have a job. My mother kicked me out. My friends ignore me. I just feel worthless. I have had counseling multiple times and it doesn't help, but that's because I also have anxiety and I can't tell people how I really feel. ",0.7040483476132202,2.9119045639534913,2.484712362301104,93.37216034271728,84.75581395348838,6.411750305997553,23.006119951040397,7.669130373188453,1.0606930232558138,643,24,144,12,19,212,98,172,0.212,0.7240000000000001,0.064,-0.9734,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,12,11,3,1,5,1,18,3,2,2,0,21,28,12,3,1,4,2,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,3,23,4,14,21,1,15,0,2,0,0,6,7,1,0,9,92,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386997231207472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268095096391416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114545505773004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874267780787804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880878936466413,0.14938342160303625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572913488084884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26308908023279354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016775801017427,0.13399913772177702,0.0,0.09061512248214627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552696506947896,0.1162530233140088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211221165612325,0.0,0.19188541063619716,0.0,0.09531796292793336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225056402880806,0.16946782377563546,0.0,0.15315049636625602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190876221026013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202412999000875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110995921403373,0.0,0.1712508510612625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780334337083614,0.14347117179389718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867467299806216,0.0,0.0,0.3794299206207822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159400552044602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045135579648104,0.0,0.0,0.137691805671049,0.20226825180464664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775422039949335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168952681383806
suicidewatch,TeaI_Deer,2018/01/31,"You know you're a suicidal PoS when... Your mom threatens to call 911 on you because she saw you crying 

:(",0.23714285714285666,2.651867000000003,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,93.28571428571428,4.704761904761905,21.285714285714285,6.42735559955562,0.4225428571428576,81,3,17,1,3,26,18,21,0.45,0.55,0.0,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014180212581745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357577265823108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687629678769889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452970468913906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998024500724469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667933750362248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vilthurill,2018/01/31,"I don't feel like being proud of myself My girlfriend just said that I should be proud of myself because I got 20 years old. Like, I never thought I would get past school, that I somehow would stop existing beforehand. But I don't feel that way. I am not too sure it is really an achievement. Just another sign that I am a coward",2.3606467661691544,4.279162104477614,3.5590298507462705,89.4351616915423,77.2089552238806,6.854726368159205,23.106965174129357,7.793537801064563,1.0604248756218912,259,8,54,4,6,84,46,67,0.141,0.728,0.132,0.1098,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,0,2,15,16,1,0,3,4,0,2,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,12,5,2,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,38,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698551573528258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568788943199717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602489843287685,0.18385173867817609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445537289083967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582725289846876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514575803088676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984850998174431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700467785463911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567082690204614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164865759586126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24479991068608234,0.0,0.0,0.26045313952574706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515711489422712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425504471505541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430809525376495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042733927112984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656297974937089,0.0,0.0,0.16572572617462225
suicidewatch,Kay_reme,2018/01/31,"Up-coming Highschool Dance hello, i'm 13 and on feb23 is my school's hs dance. 

earlier i asked my mom if i could attend but she said no because i'm still in my first year and it's a bit too early.

she promised, however, that she'll allow me to attend when i'm in 3rd or 4th.

i'm crying right now because i don't know if i'll make it that long.",-0.5738924050632903,1.0754235569620256,2.1523892405063307,97.21946993670888,85.58227848101266,4.9626582278481015,17.469936708860754,5.985473137389443,-0.5222544303797472,267,6,67,2,8,93,55,79,0.094,0.8290000000000001,0.076,-0.3291,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,12,7,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,1,10,1,4,9,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,7,34,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619875721392409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416647122316556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059506683359549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374969221246005,0.0,0.30783165799529405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383729123027469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401316398899004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480045296531939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870630913699827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32821495599943723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932434389604826,0.26657343360765723,0.0,0.0,0.28361892576956704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238008817452983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804660620164316
suicidewatch,noone9121,2018/01/31,"I don't want to die, but I can't live neither. In the past two weeks, my thought about killing myself has lingered around. I did consult with my psychiatrist and tomorrow I'm going to a local hospital for specific therapy or counseling or something.

Let me tell a little more about myself. I grew up in a orphanage, and I have no strong bonding with anyone, but my ex-girlfriend. I love her so much and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. But in return, She cheated on my and dumped me. We had been together for more than 7 years, so I should admit there's little passion between us. But I still can't believe she would cheat on me and think she was not wrong at all under that circumstance. 

I would never know that betrayal hurts so much if I had not experienced it. But I can't forgive her without her sincere apology, which is all I need, I think. But actually all I want is just forgive her so I can forgive myself, stoping thinking about her and her cheating, moving on and living my own life.

Ironically, even if she hurt me so much, I some kind of want her back. Even though I know that our trust is broken and it's hard to get back, I still miss her so much. Speaking of trust, I don't know how to trust other people if the one I trust most in the universe can lie to me.

We broke up 2 month ago. I don't know when I could move on. My life is totally a chaos because of the breakup. My chaotic life, though I pretend to be fine so she doesn't know that, seems telling me that she is smart to dump me because I'm so weak. 

I want to call her, telling her I have depression and my suicidal thought, since she is a clinical psychologist. What a ironic career!  But I know I shouldn't.

I really don't want to die so I'm looking for medical assistance. But I can't live a messy life. 
Life is so hard and there are too many questions I don't but too few answers.",3.2168726868985935,4.2166554948186565,4.490573649148779,87.42125647668394,73.06735751295336,7.794078460399705,27.77535159141377,8.192908349453996,1.6533393042190974,1455,54,318,22,28,481,180,386,0.235,0.637,0.128,-0.9915,0,0,1,0,0,3,44.0,4,0,0,1,29,28,6,0,12,0,37,10,0,1,5,71,65,38,4,15,18,0,2,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,11,15,0,0,18,1,0,4,17,14,0,2,7,5,71,14,37,51,15,34,0,6,1,2,35,16,0,9,14,238,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.08372731448094152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605551599421757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059992560525612776,0.0,0.0,0.07637917924036808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319480605029343,0.0,0.10460438209120336,0.0,0.0,0.09666593850603783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761023287707596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685034112656976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389843571015016,0.0,0.17809134956157358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333868076676196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482636514317306,0.0,0.04876147156052685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537178587873065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755483748514331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949237306887779,0.08934631361301337,0.28291687042101565,0.06993752545809763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773515133566262,0.3030113745491924,0.0,0.17198600349237705,0.227285906058052,0.0,0.0720494366364545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743682443429836,0.0,0.0,0.08698658127789835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643332882878425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848383455472704,0.18238122793207173,0.25228814828892465,0.06361877038998595,0.0661733731319117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058139530635591324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190472388691475,0.05948212910789893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961143635024242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054964949186629086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781080632674374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709737067962281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605215714357693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370381670001705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385003133082724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497596622400168,0.0,0.0981184782555488,0.0,0.057000952709122636,0.1649293426429437,0.16859389621246698,0.13622942813876066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381302291717456,0.0,0.10320546907391707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30363835721747945,0.0,0.06882267327134121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270704301007094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189810237619775,0.09380758868671657,0.0,0.05525165529199357
suicidewatch,Newtons_Homedog,2018/01/31,"I need to vent, read or don't read, it's all the same to me This is my first time doing something like this. Not reaching out, but doing it in a public forum.

Im 22 years old, final year of college, and I wish I was dead.

I don't want to die, I don't think anybody really does, but I don't know how much longer I can last feeling the way I do. This may sound selfish, but I never asked to be brought into this world. I feel like I got the raw end of the deal, you know?

I've never self harmed in the traditional ways, like cutting or whatever, but I treat my body like shit. I don't eat well, I barely sleep, sometimes I don't leave the house for weeks. And then there's the drugs. I'm  not certain, but I think I might be an alcoholic, and I accidentally got addicted to benzos a while back. I really enjoy how it makes my body feel. I don't really smoke weed anymore, because it gives me panic attacks, but I do experiment an awful lot with the basics (psychedelics, opiates, stims, disassociatives) 

I've been on lexapro for a year, maybe longer. They helped for a spell, but not so much anymore. I have no motivation to do anything, because I do not want anything from life. I don't care about money, or material junk, or status.

 A day in the life of me consists of waking at between 1-4pm, drinking a coffee and taking my tablet. Maybe I'll check out what's new on YouTube. Then I'll take a nap for a bit, wake up and drink another coffee. Past 6pm it's 'me time' and ill have a few beers, pop some xanax and just daze for the rest of the evening. Around 2am I'll go hard at it and get myself nice and fucked up so I can sleep.

Ive tried everything in the book, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, jobs, education. I even picked up new hobbies. I just can't shake the feeling that it's all a distraction from what's going on inside.

It physically hurts to live. Not in a bullshit way of my heart hurting or whatever, real pain. I crushed one of my vertebrae a couple years back, and broke my hip a few years before that. On top of that I have arthritis in pretty much every joint, and adenoids that are actively trying to suffocate me.

I find it tough to connect with people too. Sure ive got friends, but there's very few people who I connect with intimately, sexual or not. I used to live with an older couple. They were almost 30, while I was still a teenager. I had a breakdown and moved out, and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. They were some of the greatest people I've ever known, and I treat them like family. 


Lately I've been writing a lot, nothing fancy, shit like this. Streams of consciousness I guess you could call it. I want to leave something behind. 

That's about the size of it really.

",2.7748181818181834,4.1969715657657645,4.190939803439806,87.48188882063883,74.78378378378378,7.0634725634725655,24.50552825552825,7.686295010490155,1.0953513513513515,2109,66,451,28,44,699,270,555,0.16699999999999998,0.69,0.14300000000000002,-0.9474,1,0,8,0,0,1,83.0,0,2,4,3,20,33,5,3,35,1,37,25,10,7,8,89,68,36,2,7,22,0,5,6,1,2,9,1,0,1,25,23,6,0,12,8,2,5,18,18,1,2,13,6,58,15,57,50,17,60,0,3,0,1,16,22,3,14,36,286,83,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819220527926833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665355338166159,0.07182348367171422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521123242607347,0.0,0.0,0.14226634332884008,0.0,0.0,0.11804919298991598,0.06385157391051115,0.06705436620926149,0.08159896994320792,0.0,0.1103061255874148,0.0,0.08744731877047639,0.0,0.061033760223157915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830649365941662,0.1593433998344907,0.0,0.0,0.07324052595882216,0.0,0.07312969740436963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572675782989044,0.15872747408152335,0.0,0.04625750079066082,0.0739466195446981,0.0,0.0,0.07444052870460441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276812921469027,0.0,0.0,0.1405288471041882,0.08317968436624294,0.1467877309444263,0.0,0.0,0.06352817256042025,0.0,0.0,0.0947490300874285,0.12976100833253504,0.06043246347092503,0.0,0.06446293317082269,0.07016204070164535,0.06761712985872348,0.0,0.14506779889634447,0.05124125099296432,0.0,0.07857260653790893,0.06555649775368018,0.0610103159680469,0.0,0.0,0.055415526784993736,0.06630976708169006,0.03747400791086429,0.0688063596831927,0.0815273674395997,0.0,0.17209811562496902,0.0,0.07901455650981694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425263611981644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499595767171288,0.048076596885794666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276246826302712,0.15356887917825462,0.0,0.07747666382229786,0.0,0.07117724066894784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788377480262771,0.05846647110271376,0.08091033995689614,0.1518954954476647,0.0,0.0,0.10132475038447453,0.21025095132624375,0.0,0.12667119472277152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219581943044304,0.0,0.06786911686767745,0.04787783225951196,0.0,0.1441173278742368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609022188163676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623365798777558,0.15818115133694355,0.05318410933519282,0.1106394194717123,0.13854732830884015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882327626034436,0.0,0.07526463909900269,0.0,0.0486035667628496,0.0,0.07632179253011774,0.08415530610432134,0.0,0.0,0.06847082651185794,0.1491778623779804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297138751642218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434913305368017,0.08164018120802356,0.18379870275550889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748261270104828,0.0,0.14725194030389274,0.0,0.0,0.14355610993752013,0.0,0.0,0.1104367508461714,0.07093910035433157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572806799954963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067601146610057,0.0,0.10785843482299318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191857620985514,0.0,0.0,0.08364831234143565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739483798982232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061948455065632374,0.0,0.05918167225933445,0.1269180109079465,0.17079888820784664,0.0575344754003516,0.0,0.06449051733442593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248165359525061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309467833146233
suicidewatch,CantDecide85,2018/01/31,"Do I admit myself or just kill myself? Last night I was set on going today to a walk-in clinic to get a new anti-depressant to try. I was going to give it a month to work.

I had a sleepless night and lost all motivation to do that. I feel like I’ve tried that enough times (I’ve tried six different anti-depressants. It’s hard to go because the doctors really don’t seem to care or try to be helpful) and that my only options now are to admit myself to a psych ward or just finally kill myself. I’ve always felt like my depression was terminal and it was a matter of “when” not “if” I committed suicide. 

The only thing holding me back is my dad and sister (I’m married but my husband is fed up with dealing with me. I know my death would be a relief to him) but I feel like putting them through the stress about having to worry about me if I did admit myself is worse than just killing myself. At least death would be final. If I try to get help they’ll just worry that I will kill myself eventually (which I will) and that seems unfair. Better just to get it over with?",4.192895752895752,4.422501468468472,5.5834749034749045,83.27513513513516,70.35135135135134,8.144658944658946,25.76705276705277,7.957251820313856,1.3702782496782495,834,22,174,10,14,282,119,222,0.222,0.657,0.121,-0.9864,1,0,0,0,0,5,21.0,0,0,2,4,10,13,4,1,10,0,22,3,0,1,2,39,42,14,7,5,14,3,4,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,8,1,1,10,0,0,4,2,7,0,1,9,4,30,6,27,25,3,21,0,2,0,0,13,4,0,9,15,125,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696326471431008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036411635600141,0.0,0.06371021068201417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243333649622412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655806248269613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077484084510553,0.27005091836745543,0.0,0.0,0.10919393641250508,0.0,0.10697357801619617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798996189948884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568991892273452,0.14932834727341704,0.10034895793191806,0.2289779669290556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638113304788949,0.10025848095318958,0.17819159565863668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362320175447954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010584473185025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625130045226572,0.0,0.05743766197832732,0.08519211896169368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531794524226317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408838563166646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342135273051385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093939528499858,0.0,0.1961569134132568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589738316489377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506452392937182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695376279271241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902895870038701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971939349926294,0.0,0.0,0.11432035922524607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943385417653783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094242427781595,0.0,0.09906619059429672,0.0,0.0,0.35478764443073696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608677554686923,0.2122762357388428,0.10650776930760764,0.14848620351973532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,baffleddonut,2018/01/31,"Not sure where this is all going. I don't know when, or how, or why but I know I'm going to kill myself eventually. I honestly just do not see how else all of this could end. I feel like I've always known thats the way its going to end and its just a matter of when. As shit as I feel like my life has seemed up until this point its always seemed like something to worry about tomorrow. Recently however I feel like my options are dwindling, It feels like I'm coming to the end of my road and there's nothing left really, I don't know what to do. I've just been stagnating and my quality of life and self is in constant decline. I honestly just don't know what else to do at this point. ",1.90091836734694,3.2633635306122457,3.797023809523811,89.65839285714287,76.95918367346937,7.348979591836735,21.773809523809533,8.07648339933343,0.8792544217687075,537,14,122,9,12,182,77,147,0.105,0.735,0.16,0.7663,1,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,10,2,0,3,0,12,3,1,2,3,33,29,14,1,1,9,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,11,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,5,13,8,17,27,2,22,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,5,14,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227415915851264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987847819335393,0.0,0.13784307062345127,0.0,0.10184334506129454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311388143590665,0.0,0.3389311260246596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579852394520678,0.3645050523359536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21747959475655748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141122173048387,0.0,0.28040647831092724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859031884230905,0.0,0.18019360732865136,0.3115878830196919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223937327303597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24116391134431026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817158471799117,0.0,0.12594648106921855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164587515548526,0.23224497269374175,0.13306906454039186,0.0,0.13093473316647478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819908976393736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022032544859525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124827243463153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150997419537505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295396383715289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smokinchokin,2018/01/31,"After weeks of feeling ""ok"" here I am again waking up in the middle of the night from a bad dream debating I'm going through a tough divorce. I'm young. My kids are. My wife is cold. I do not have the strength spent months feeling desperate. Spent the past month feeling ok. Dream wrecks my brain. Now I'm back to square one. My own thoughts are attacking my brain. They need to stop NOW!!!",0.3516083916083943,2.7922078205128216,1.093403263403264,99.85311188811191,92.58974358974359,4.374825174825175,19.91142191142191,6.11248444174946,-0.09119487179487162,302,10,67,3,11,92,54,78,0.187,0.688,0.125,-0.8076,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,6,2,6,3,3,0,0,7,17,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,3,5,8,3,9,14,1,16,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,12,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184502902861923,0.0,0.1837411178916558,0.19951687127359846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335040832875193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36246744318165136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580324349480136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814621077605887,0.0,0.0,0.17718159624011506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424243671807007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619216275246752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22810893119955256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977650638213693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897030340616505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167473739240296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twiceluvrflufr,2018/01/31,"i don't want to kill myself but i have to im a 20 yr old girl. i live with my parents and work part-time. i am not in university because i was expelled from high school before i could finish, and i was too scared to go back and now its too late. i wanted to get my GED, but i think i'm too stupid.

i have severe mental health problems, and even with meds life is a living hell for me. i make everyone around me sad and angry and irritated. i have no friends because i live in a village of 4000 people, almost all of whom are elderly.

i want to live, but i think i've given myself enough second chances. its time to stop trying, im obviously going nowhere. i dont deserve another chance.",1.8924942528735649,3.3235640827586264,3.933534482758621,88.38283045977016,77.13793103448276,6.488505747126437,23.117816091954023,7.1686216300943375,0.7386436781609196,532,16,117,6,12,182,92,145,0.298,0.6459999999999999,0.055,-0.9901,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,3,1,3,0,11,2,0,1,2,25,22,9,1,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,3,0,22,1,15,18,2,13,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,7,74,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836560134745154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489198895284147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300797691032216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625057863366298,0.0,0.16846441065437212,0.0,0.11757955064353474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032412386536436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194393114166067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427751147989952,0.0,0.09126545981156478,0.0,0.0,0.13203528115019106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675620696202948,0.0,0.07219245536996857,0.0,0.15705981728226048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687706471609102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599295382998914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985125374637994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152873809183794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558711339390463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975994152720943,0.0,0.0,0.4880558595939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922350840301656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534849342564652,0.0,0.1392512201882763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499487516829698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343064287753144,0.14963362672238506,0.0,0.09579543059575267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221796570389752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834057741200295,0.13984381023171227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610214101605194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552324076437798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707814244168935,0.0,0.0,0.08057287426856134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381399117449513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24450341313667584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059544352372862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,categgs-,2018/01/31,"I'm homeless, I don't have food or shampoo or money for my doctor's appointments. I just want to die. I don't know how to handle things anymore.  I'm 21, out of school for medical leave and owe my school $4000.  I'm sick and just had surgery.  I can't get a job.  I can't help my parents and they have to support me and I feel awful.

We're living with a family member currently but it's a small one bedroom apartment and I'm sleeping on the floor.  I hurt so much from surgery.  I just want a home and a bed.  

I can't go out and make friends because we're in the middle of nowhere.  My boyfriend is states away.  I'm so alone.

We don't have food until Friday, and even then we won't be able to get much.  I'm gaining weight because I'm depressed, and it's hilarious because I'm not even eating.  It's making my anorexic thoughts come back and I feel like if I get more depressed it'll be too hard on my boyfriend.  He's already depressed now.

I just feel like if I ceased to exist things would be easier for everyone and I wouldn't have to suffer anymore.  I can't handle it.  My family is contacting every resource we can think of but this is a high poverty area and no one will/can help us.  

I'm supposed to be focusing on my health and recovering on medical withdrawal so I can go back and do well.  But I'm recovering from surgery sleeping on the floor and barely eating, I can't afford medications or to go to my post-op check up.  My hair is stringy and gross because I'm washing it with hand soap.  I already don't feel attractive and now I'm just even more gross.

I don't know what to do",0.9763636363636364,2.8784719675516257,2.9662161437382686,92.0931375703942,81.5368731563422,5.996996513810672,24.137034057388053,7.106945922332613,0.8531899705014747,1243,47,280,16,33,418,149,339,0.158,0.731,0.111,-0.9511,5,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,4,0,1,1,18,13,0,0,9,1,31,16,4,3,0,54,64,31,1,6,14,1,8,2,1,4,7,0,3,0,10,25,5,0,8,0,3,4,14,7,1,2,2,8,35,6,31,54,4,29,0,5,0,0,11,17,0,5,9,167,45,4,0.09631875527505714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997571822482287,0.21258028312720448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104464722249329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049464120045413,0.14812635480914704,0.0,0.2348600768692405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297007902401589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488776083434561,0.0,0.0999636612052014,0.0,0.0,0.09858632739914233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971162652999976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085288836607814,0.0,0.08115270551308694,0.0920366983148938,0.0,0.0,0.18160150064725308,0.0,0.1948066268873974,0.13762027602779625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329380424103889,0.0,0.07441563139650614,0.0,0.15096772266359396,0.0,0.16422050486820403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086282685794857,0.0,0.0,0.10238233278933298,0.0,0.0,0.12912086269729453,0.10176605321472056,0.09661556489215703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311121963382844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558150238274284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586853789221323,0.0,0.0,0.10198765450592087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411295715827764,0.0,0.0850512255492753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285870341469856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910930380778909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161073541038102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053616264671591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695057917676226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224674259037874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949594451025674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927766310564004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093013820572443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797980225352604,0.06171716919937795,0.0,0.07646633277902748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158596031803554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362259478825427,0.0,0.0,0.117290295501271,0.08660212840976192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068422080227306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fail34,2018/01/31,"Failed writer and now failed Radio Performer. Well, I guess killing myself is next. I'm a prolific writer.  But have never been published.  That weighs a lot on me.

Also once did Radio Plays online that I wrote myself.  Bad enough that a few years ago, the channel that originally hosted me pulled their funding due to affordability issues.  

Now the current station's latest yearly payment for their channel failed to get processed and the online site itself has changed the rules.  Doesn't look good.

My career is set to be scuttled.  It wouldn't be a big deal if this medium was the only outlet I had in getting my stories out and dealing with my sadness.

Now I'm in danger of losing that.

I've got no alternative as a 40 year old, unemployed bum with credit card debt.  Death seems more attractive now.

Good-bye everyone, from a starving, meandering artist.  ",3.8380063291139237,6.583132088607599,4.392895569620254,81.1561787974684,76.21518987341773,5.975316455696203,25.697784810126585,7.1686216300943375,1.4693911392405068,682,25,113,8,16,216,115,158,0.231,0.713,0.056,-0.9843,5,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,2,5,6,13,2,0,11,0,12,1,0,1,1,15,21,7,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,1,6,3,1,4,8,1,0,6,1,12,5,13,12,4,23,0,5,1,0,5,6,0,4,15,73,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614787053353158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456776672346019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210056537837666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270692183063207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37560921867177305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822563505375048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406692110865032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034788768662228,0.0,0.0,0.3055835209414001,0.14569437418232375,0.0,0.20067581193761905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190133431336846,0.0,0.0,0.20153911175078248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297312227923218,0.20379657416662586,0.0,0.15487057540749954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049724706126887,0.0,0.19373505286438375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911520260131778,0.1940002892215779,0.0,0.13854505498807354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583660984738655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378864224537054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351925786613397
suicidewatch,new-halloween,2018/01/31,Need quick help I just had about 5-6 pills with alcohol. I feel like my brain is gonna explode. Will I be okay?,-1.2493333333333323,0.6402158000000036,0.8760000000000012,103.62466666666668,91.0,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.6784666666666661,85,2,23,1,3,28,23,25,0.0,0.705,0.295,0.7269,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099392009477669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326686530950282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412665629606384,0.3408833828852538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198304621073864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331163992358865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35380828443101475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mythrilman,2018/01/31,"First girlfriend in a long time dumped me. Nothing to look forward to anymore. Might as well end it. 27 yo male, long history of depression. 

After years of anxiety over it I asked this girl out a month ago and she said yes. Today she dumped me. I was going to tell her about my history with depression today but now I can't because it would make her feel terrible. Already was having a depressive episode but now I'm at a place mentally where I haven't been since my last attempt. So I guess I either end it now or look forward to a life of loneliness interspersed with brief periods of false hope and then intense regret.

I haven't cut myself in years, but this pocket knife is really tempting right now. I guess it's just the next logical step from my usual self beating. ",2.6625877192982443,5.030902013157898,3.8106842105263183,85.7904561403509,78.21052631578948,7.4743859649122815,25.92280701754386,8.447377352677275,1.9835696491228072,614,24,118,13,15,199,102,152,0.181,0.75,0.069,-0.957,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,3,0,6,1,10,1,0,1,0,20,21,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,8,1,1,4,4,18,2,19,15,1,35,0,4,2,0,11,10,0,5,24,77,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800165368708066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593486997820901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046540306340652,0.0,0.14320573708623754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499426094971784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802473900517135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731138439652478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255790612575966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301284542194914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282634196723947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206569785730634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181451787054309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434215200245805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770505789612183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199380418703848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555784453387874,0.24251882105145095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638794529169198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552097105391265,0.15318530095946056,0.0,0.0,0.11525849189563014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357075778072662,0.0,0.0,0.13855544150412413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086699056186775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250616866828952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331658585069233,0.13735721646967522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506404174187048,0.0,0.0,0.11944895408914055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621173424033416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420064749388101,0.0,0.27374813167150064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590359089414042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298327046840889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257742966766974,0.0,0.0,0.1859773917479284
suicidewatch,ThePanicminion,2018/01/31,"As of late its been in my mind more and more. Ever since I admitted to a good friend of mine that I was and have been in love with her for years, and getting a denial that crushed my hopes. I had thought about it in the past not for these reasons but things much worse. I have a 4 year old brother and a family I love but i just feel so empty and I dont think I could do it to them. But I want to so badly. ",1.0120807453416134,1.7605313260869586,2.7465838509316782,98.77978260869568,78.13043478260869,6.126708074534163,19.664596273291927,6.18269132825596,-0.3611012422360251,310,6,83,2,7,103,60,92,0.141,0.682,0.177,0.1136,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,1,1,21,18,11,0,3,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,14,5,13,12,3,9,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,6,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796437787939088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717821736117372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521577287003284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461821787774167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028271124001909,0.0,0.1087878279286396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622668402843546,0.0,0.11240856910820096,0.0,0.0,0.18046013932458724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369548812307446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427019699159536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883679884880487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217243209762876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816222027782842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257668943681695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538789584933687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212131309076612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797679557081006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293810152511408,0.1378613631452189,0.0,0.17080745938909514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269028214094066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192593011443192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771029724313232
suicidewatch,OnlyNecessary,2018/01/31,"Im starting to have serious thought of killing myself. lately ive been crying every night i just hope I never wake up from my sleep. These suicide thoughts have really been getting to me and i swear the only thing stopping me is my cousins and some of my friends who im not even sure likes me. Im currently living with a stomach disease and it wont kill me but god is it ever annoying. I miss alot of school because of it i get so far behind and i got my parents starting to cuss me out if im not doing my homework. I literally dont remember what happiness feels like i dont remember what normal feels like. Ive thought of the way i would kill myself, my mom has a container filled with sleeping pills and i heard that is the easiest way to do it. I dont want to do it any other way because i dont want to feel the pain. I would use a gun but i woulnt be able to find a gun anywhere. I think the only time i ever laugh is on xbox then when i have to get off because my parents tell me to I literally feel awful, i feel my xbox is an escape from reality i dont have to deal with any bullshit from people. Im actually sick of feeling this way i just feel like a big disappointment and feel like it would be better if i took my life so i wont keep feeling like this. Im taking a pill to for my acne its called ""Accutane"" apparently causes suicidal thoughts but ive been feeling like this for a long time. Im a twin, and my sister studys goes out with friends has a good time shes just so much better than me its crazy. I used to be like that too but i dont know what happened, i just started staying in my room doing nothing. Man i dont even know why im on here, just really feel like this week is gonna be the week i guess this was sort of a cry for help. I dont know I just dont wanna deal with being alive and a dissapointment to the family.      ",1.0366915422885548,2.6263681666666656,3.4709701492537337,90.06650497512437,80.01990049751244,6.4567164179104495,23.106965174129357,7.3871296695380915,0.8109472636815913,1441,48,331,20,36,501,177,402,0.158,0.662,0.18,0.8954,4,0,0,2,0,4,23.0,0,0,0,2,16,26,4,0,20,1,43,9,4,3,4,73,82,19,5,10,14,5,11,9,2,6,5,1,2,1,22,15,0,3,22,2,0,2,14,8,0,0,11,12,55,18,41,60,3,35,0,2,0,0,16,10,0,7,27,213,77,2,0.05027620893551387,0.0,0.04906232749073257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837909224163076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194373096056743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893044230135899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051337630540304297,0.0,0.0,0.05164751579590809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045210945352996,0.0,0.10366512758317734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303100819128083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641392367137508,0.09095541869890963,0.04235987442328134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047395935316392815,0.0,0.27963278055734936,0.25142133596434857,0.0,0.0,0.04595154413673799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768654861609889,0.0,0.07880173228441943,0.0,0.0,0.042169298716532536,0.040210477104822964,0.0,0.055384912332382866,0.0,0.04445908552194509,0.053519959294160896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03369908307247448,0.0,0.0,0.04993561961530292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344554647289922,0.0,0.0,0.04468780455414676,0.16686952844122385,0.0,0.08289146878351501,0.0,0.05671375355677954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035511573215294,0.22106174522837466,0.0,0.04439481359290588,0.04449286280789963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058882888265003534,0.0,0.0,0.0369587984223453,0.0,0.03877611176103479,0.0,0.0,0.04718081628218327,0.04926001010690382,0.04824137843047892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647464485640054,0.05349743104367996,0.0,0.11165156046939848,0.0,0.0,0.03485519291081598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441645367999257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139062879254806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088220756143234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062503562466546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675727836435192,0.05358774926280162,0.0,0.04203316188970253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998802483308263,0.0,0.047384731927229085,0.0,0.03780145216810348,0.0,0.0439436226232498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033401279217373105,0.03221496462153639,0.0,0.1596547759510543,0.08794938522258107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585871802899031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684500437613248,0.0,0.0,0.05930842128364613,0.15962765795244754,0.0806570843877915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536645860024528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714432899865428,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OdinW,2018/01/31,"Help with suicide? I am just looking for help as far as where to point the gun (9 mm bullets fwiw), where to do it to lessen effects on what little family I have, and this sounds stupid, but how do I make sure my two cats are taken care of? I don't want them taken by the county/state/whatever. I could arrange it before but I don't want to draw attention. Is there a better sub to direct this to? Suggestions in the next couple of hours would be great. ",2.032340425531917,3.636743457446812,3.4286702127659576,91.40875,77.19148936170212,6.402127659574468,20.26063829787234,7.1686216300943375,0.3382170212765958,351,8,77,4,8,115,69,94,0.091,0.7040000000000001,0.205,0.94,0,0,0,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,1,0,4,1,11,0,0,3,1,14,18,6,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,8,4,15,13,0,9,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840620114820595,0.0,0.0,0.2062154525175396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377272086803777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616324174848906,0.2579925850481701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198071660465052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25706518325112665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125711054789295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296205106874161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336925370134107,0.0,0.0,0.19579983598730835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563941633431444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797357215862176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041624566426696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504461380732296,0.0,0.21975520831625345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277682783779064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750534601337762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563369241077072,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,downinthedumpstill5,2018/01/31,"I’m feeling so traumatized after my assault and can sleep. Therapy isn’t for another two weeks, I don’t know how I’ll survive the wait. TW: Rape

I was raped forcible (penetration with fingers and other objects) in early September days before  my birthday. I have severe PTSD and still can’t bring myself to talk about what happened to me.  What I can say is that he had a gun and I froze out of fear and couldn’t process at the moment that I had a choice. I’m currently pregnant (it’s not his) so I have no one that I can tell. Not even family. I finally saved enough money to see a therapist but this literally hunts me day and night. It’s difficult to work and go through day to day life. I can’t sleep. I feel disgusting. I feel alone. I feel violated. I feel worthless. He is going around saying it was consensual when he knows it wasn’t. Everyone thinks I’m some kind of whore when it’s not like that at all. I just want to break down. I don’t know how I’ll survive the wait for therapy. ",1.0811396895787162,3.3100451073170767,3.0675055432372496,89.66680155210643,83.29268292682926,6.8492239467849245,22.97671840354767,8.00094639256281,1.2690000000000001,777,28,169,16,22,261,119,205,0.224,0.753,0.023,-0.9911,2,1,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,5,1,6,0,18,7,3,2,1,33,38,14,0,2,5,0,7,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,13,10,0,2,9,0,1,3,11,9,0,2,5,10,22,3,20,32,3,24,0,1,1,3,8,6,0,1,15,105,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439202866263598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457113063701236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237035473050392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182444250403505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584699068054401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358246197639746,0.0,0.09178153652056913,0.0,0.0,0.132781898035803,0.0,0.0,0.13099878843758042,0.15636823635979075,0.3513108648731703,0.0,0.0,0.15222350138721338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794793984020528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288155723774072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447050890371024,0.2291057642383164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981513084542288,0.06788866457640018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040421566117685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416265335398474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243639153617034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101257802247834,0.0,0.0,0.11073284777844326,0.0,0.0,0.15698484822390948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27812000470766896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109733538819038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169050084878446,0.12145685668561865,0.0,0.31782493441534,0.16134286089697436,0.0,0.08903973108261821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574338384266554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196200033229513,0.0,0.11146504719418332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116427827831977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway_panic123,2018/01/31,"I can’t live like this much longer What the FUCK?!?!? Why won’t it go Away?!

I can’t do this. I can’t keep doing this. I’m in pain every fucking day. Physically. Mentally. I’m driving my boyfriend away. I’m 22. I have a good life. I can’t explain what’s wrong with me or how I feel. 

I’m just so tired. I’m so sleepy. Fatigue? 
I don’t want to move. I don’t want to leave my house. I sit here day in and day out pacing and having full blown panic attacks. 

I keep myself awake at night because I’m terrified of dying In my sleep. 

If there’s chemicals anywhere near me I freak out because what if they get in my drink? Or plate? What if I touch the counter I just cleaned and accidentally touch my mouth? What if I didn’t wash my hands good enough and the germs will transfer to my cigarette butt and into my mouth? 

These awful headaches? I can’t take medicine. No. Medicine makes me feel too weird. I’d rather be in physical pain than the psychological torture. 


I can’t shake the thought that my boyfriend has been poisoning me. I’ve just felt so bad. Could he be? Is that why I’ve been so sick? I’m so tired everyday. My chest hasn’t been unclenched for months. There’s always pressure. He’s poisoned me hasn’t he? My chest is always hurting. My temperature hasn’t been under 99 degrees aside from today. But today I’ve felt worse than I have been. 

Am I dying? Why am I so afraid to die? Will I be like this forever?

I can’t get into a fucking car without freaking out. The memory of that car wrecking into my side plays over in my head every fucking night. It’s been 6 months. 6 months of being sick and terrified of dying has led me to want to fucking die. 

I can’t keep feeling like this. Every day I wake up and leave my body. I have to tell myself my name. My name is ____ and I live at ___ ___ _____. I have to tell myself over and over again. I constantly watch myself outside of my body. Fuck my chest is hurting again. I’m dying aren’t I? 

Why won’t this go away? It’s just getting worse. I can’t sleep at night. I’m dizzy 24/7. I wasn’t depressed. I haven’t been depressed. Am I depressed? Anti depressants made me want to kill my self so I got off of them years ago. 

I’ve been going through this for months with no help and no sign of it getting better. My thoughts are getting worse and more irrational by the day. My vision seems off. I’m just so fucking dizzy. 

How could being so afraid to die every second of the day lead me to wanting to die?

Do I want to die? No.... fuck I don’t know what comes afterwards. I want it to stop. I can’t feel like this. I can’t keep feeling like this. I can’t. I can’t handle it anymore. It was so bad today. It’s so bad. I just want to sleep. I don’t want tomorrow to be the same. Am I even breathing? Why is my breathing always so slow? 

I can’t fucking go through this another day. I’m miserable. ",-0.8765090909090922,1.262385906666669,1.2290909090909103,98.3945454545455,96.6,4.127272727272728,18.151515151515152,5.919800608514577,-0.3509666666666664,2184,68,507,21,88,720,213,600,0.257,0.674,0.068,-0.9991,1,0,2,0,0,1,91.0,0,0,2,2,28,45,14,6,11,1,66,37,16,6,0,73,125,32,10,16,15,0,10,5,0,4,11,0,1,1,28,20,1,5,12,2,0,12,32,36,0,1,17,11,81,9,61,96,5,68,0,8,1,10,12,28,10,7,32,303,109,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043038688396907915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119822018405613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091132454605142,0.0,0.0,0.04815083959908384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055235255524970994,0.13684946476239232,0.0,0.12161743849853245,0.059194068266089764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294056770530018,0.0,0.10786132977170404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182351114978872,0.0,0.052467792564401684,0.0,0.07753012869740432,0.0,0.0,0.2191855380684204,0.0,0.16727211463741276,0.0,0.453506639182706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047562774283987856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501675093230808,0.0,0.032068339166932705,0.0,0.16362964209686648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274751976130276,0.1040573279534816,0.09323565253771557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039724077395657,0.12683287570553858,0.0,0.11037357397865837,0.0814467388112663,0.038831713188402464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982867168318187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032543586219361736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056022840552610656,0.10395249214540296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262207607657307,0.05371593122709109,0.0,0.026683076761112732,0.0,0.0,0.1028197599796073,0.0,0.0,0.03429392847964625,0.11860101735920635,0.0,0.0857451486585589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594136439527839,0.0324090402204393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892930323943883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155015944713353,0.05160341584567423,0.03569153025424697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366891460468173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332615020652662,0.05696566806774081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420019445412469,0.05065064238242844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576210496447153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04059190052999506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036505290520933535,0.0,0.08487370819883949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709021274142491,0.0,0.1116074632146952,0.1380657225770816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577366638856084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905451459154165,0.0,0.0,0.0468026888754622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843683845429442,0.0,0.053084323023459015,0.0,0.031266092201731606
suicidewatch,MaterialReflection,2018/01/31,"getting so close. but im to much of a fucking coward. Why must i be sucha fucking coward and a looser?
i know the world would be better without me, but yett i stand here and cant jump. im just way to scared.
i want to die. i can die right now. 
all i have to do is jump. but i cant fucking do it and i dont know why.
i have never and will never succeed with annything. eveyone either hates me or keeps me around incase they need me just so that they can use me and then leave me like so many others have done.
i am just wat to fucked up to go and get a job or annything. im just a waste of resources and i know that.",-1.1942356115107913,0.6326754172661886,1.3808588129496395,100.63589253597122,89.79136690647482,4.050539568345323,15.881744604316545,5.148860815047168,-1.0339607913669069,469,10,120,2,16,160,75,139,0.269,0.6759999999999999,0.055,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,2,10,9,5,1,5,0,18,4,0,1,4,33,33,16,2,4,11,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,3,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,1,0,19,3,12,27,3,14,0,0,0,4,2,5,4,2,5,85,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186012011869565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106708502785875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841380787999337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008484505574234,0.16043274100673816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062062334089015,0.1430375737251836,0.0,0.07779710178385425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514942303035335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435904229869017,0.0,0.13584108529245584,0.12167312100690053,0.0,0.0,0.22569163583580995,0.0,0.0,0.14494555253002245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687698938477374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387838328280561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062907313477272,0.10150136566838087,0.21115427734924075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690235057459618,0.0,0.0,0.13704964347968024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822803594545175,0.0,0.0,0.08074060464113454,0.10865601664634696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24704183443310265,0.0,0.0,0.1319559897881511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724192866132278,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,animalscarrotpeople,2018/01/31,"I am human garbage, dont try to save me I am a 37 year old woman.

I am 180 pounds at 5ft 4in. I am disgustingly fat and ugly now and I was once cute ages ago. 

Everyone knows women don't matter after age 35 especially if they are fat.

Time to go.",-1.9064661654135333,-0.14429212280701442,2.2839598997493766,93.19105263157898,93.03508771929823,5.3624060150375925,15.160401002506266,6.868970318607317,-0.3386020050125316,187,4,48,3,7,71,46,57,0.195,0.7509999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.7847,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,8,2,2,0,0,6,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,4,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,8,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33154813325388244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383512594849847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35739426220308057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125654485314924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555283209449676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924734054608881,0.3983214604586033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809536588965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539365377803529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408580486475197
suicidewatch,Shit_Account_TA,2018/01/31,"When does it get better? For more than 20 years, that's all I've heard.

""It gets better""...

No matter how bad things are going. 

""It gets better""...

After 20+ years of hearing the same thing, day in, day out. I won't be hearing it anymore. Unless someone else takes control, doesn't make any mistakes, and hands the reigns back over at the end of the day, it doesn't. It doesn't get better. Friends? None. Family? None. Just me. 

Just me. 

I've thought a lot about this. 

There truly isn't anyone that would miss me. There isn't anyone that will think twice about not seeing me again. 

I've looked forward to being happy my entire life. I finally get to know what it feels like. ",-0.052333333333333336,2.2899924148148187,1.1150925925925923,99.0904166666667,95.22222222222223,3.2925925925925927,14.157407407407408,4.935628992294339,-1.1876592592592594,516,10,111,2,20,161,88,135,0.071,0.794,0.135,0.8315,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,5,10,10,0,0,5,0,11,2,1,3,1,19,29,4,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,14,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,10,3,0,1,2,7,7,7,14,22,6,17,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,1,13,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515976733014628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877670609296944,0.19568990189911656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760043740996073,0.11683885929313235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950402189055148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694763043594104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707371304391778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245699181145348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689671530959005,0.0,0.12393979244497345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191711177343468,0.0,0.07075472251528253,0.09996871870741524,0.0,0.15329061349761228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811248948533517,0.0,0.3655481163208742,0.0,0.07952759060902405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896210835775173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154310749590507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690394460751086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883936548187906,0.06836457542766883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750912999666788,0.0,0.0,0.11896669367184184,0.0,0.0,0.09340688317951376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150910349327377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856543569365165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052127858131564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593156794903207,0.08966391443459111,0.0,0.11109178869297193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940494074053756,0.0,0.0,0.18022552978444634
suicidewatch,CharlesMcPickleton,2018/01/31,"10/10 parents My parents found my notebook where I wrote about how I wanted to kill myself, they wrote it off as a ""phase"" and said id get over it.",3.6406451612903226,3.9130170967741975,4.158225806451615,92.85733870967744,71.58064516129029,6.2,25.177419354838708,3.1291,0.2291806451612901,114,3,26,0,2,36,25,31,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.6908,2,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,6,0,5,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367867407342808,0.0,0.0,0.17528917899833846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711900968715808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7450842691347974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191451144006565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789142014623112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quantum158,2018/01/31,Kill me Please. I beg you. I can't do it myself (yet).,-5.495641025641026,-5.441381076923076,-1.1923076923076916,111.32897435897436,129.0,1.7333333333333334,4.333333333333333,3.1291,-3.1689282051282053,38,0,12,0,3,14,12,13,0.313,0.5329999999999999,0.153,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7098771002426135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7043255657372791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LennyIsBack,2018/01/31,"If I feel sorry for myself, all the more reason to end it. I have no idea what to do with my life. I have a long history of biting off more than I can chew. I thought I was going into engineering, but I fell flat on my face. I earned a black belt, but I then realized that it was basically just being humored. I played the piano for over a decade and I'm still terrible. I wasted my teenage years earning an eagle scout and going to church, when that did nothing for me. Every time I try to improve at work I just get closer to being fired. I still live at home, and I need to get somewhere where I feel less miserable. I'm afraid to move out, because if I'm paying for rent then I will definitely never have money for school if I ever decide to go. So I'm staying here. I hate my job, but it's not like I'm going to find another that will pay the same. I guess what I've decided to do for now is try to improve at work, which has failed dozens of times. I actually want to try going into graphic arts. But I have no idea if I should earn a degree or not. I have a really nice computer that I built myself, I can run any software I want. Should I even try to have a career in design, or remain a hobbiest? I've failed at everything else I've done. I think it would just be a waste of money to get a degree. I truly believe that I'm going to be working these dead end construction jobs my whole life and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't do anything for myself. I actually don't have friends. I don't even consider my parents as friends. But the worst part is that I don't care and I've never cared. I've  trained myself to just be empty inside so I can be alone without the pain. But all that did was end every possible opportunity, because the only thing that matters is who's dick your willing to suck to  get where you want to be. Maybe I should finally help the people in my life and learn how to tie a noose. Not because I feel sorry for myself, but because I feel sorry for the people around me. There is nothing left I can do, I'm just a terrible person and I'll always be this way. It's simply the right thing to do to end myself. I don't believe that I'll dissapoint anyone anymore than I already have. Any person like me was going pathetically kill himself out of self pity anyways. Everyone is just waiting for me to finally do it.",2.5465789473684204,3.7405932530364367,4.5763562753036435,85.40680161943322,74.97165991902834,7.22429149797571,24.538461538461537,7.7627490962704995,1.1861910931174091,1833,57,391,25,38,632,217,494,0.209,0.7190000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9974,4,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,0,9,24,22,3,2,21,0,53,7,2,2,5,68,87,27,2,12,23,1,5,2,2,7,4,0,2,3,24,13,1,1,14,2,5,10,13,12,0,1,8,6,62,10,57,64,9,50,1,4,1,1,11,19,2,7,21,278,86,16,0.0,0.0,0.14975969900902045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947172688529945,0.08467621990287721,0.0,0.06384758546348203,0.0,0.0,0.10436146017074906,0.08046071485398035,0.0,0.0,0.07609801963524261,0.053653146901906805,0.0,0.06314430803430993,0.06830819168455024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710167493272528,0.0,0.0,0.17290249836430568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646779185527668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852398667297975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410015619599152,0.0,0.27184887218023673,0.0,0.0,0.1013621828368408,0.06940893769339168,0.12930087845687313,0.07332119038512451,0.0689622216948365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551930266927379,0.0,0.0,0.1681134023749631,0.07013211328200326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856667562290253,0.0,0.1603582532923144,0.0,0.3052619294306013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452949773026347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575745605224797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143217613113688,0.0,0.07696895213892996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732433012444836,0.0,0.0,0.15229032900601627,0.0,0.08489314045776877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337008387429712,0.0,0.16259529830898614,0.07497524548196963,0.0,0.0677562017669362,0.06790584632801322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708810804958073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155450216374678,0.0,0.056896175184843564,0.11836166613109855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220880704698328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835852262451069,0.08164878819059987,0.0,0.08520235863730166,0.08309381808676351,0.0,0.1063933055400019,0.13399971553806778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865043625169218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915680323241098,0.07889378798944392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655291342536507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765738479033613,0.0,0.0,0.0800487304198332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576872488552381,0.0,0.08178663355997462,0.12255734445755405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195532454213284,0.04916708656166829,0.0,0.06091703251414957,0.08948667360206304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838531785664613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577644663031055,0.0609066855139236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566909403030648,0.0,0.07396739011576528,0.0,0.16758651783585066,0.0,0.0,0.054508565200026615,0.0,0.0,0.049413213104802185
suicidewatch,LegitWatermelon,2018/01/31,"I really feel like this is it. Every time it seems like I post-pone these thoughts and suicide altogether, but the way everything has been going I'm not sure I can go on anymore. Like, I'm posting on this sub, this is my last attempt at trying to live at all. It's pathetic of me to ask strangers on the internet to give me reasons to live, but that's where I'm at. I feel like people will only like or talk to me, because they think if they don't then I'm gonna kill myself. I don't want to live like that either, that seems unfair to them.",2.0582051282051275,3.1309190940170915,3.8013675213675207,90.96307692307694,76.00854700854703,6.90940170940171,23.256410256410252,7.3871296695380915,0.7168051282051286,422,12,98,5,9,142,72,117,0.171,0.691,0.138,-0.7387,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,3,1,1,8,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,2,17,24,6,2,2,6,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,2,13,7,14,20,2,14,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,9,57,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379361486440454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497502544121915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945328244841809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065812749360994,0.0,0.13937221250127682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682206114711136,0.2215724966562685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148762926405988,0.17626640645332198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156849824440595,0.0,0.0,0.12640754979507224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545734862728848,0.0,0.4108045616364423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794220395734248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751009773184753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970396754622126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934558744797524,0.15944384496995906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823505359162536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696278561618318,0.0,0.1461571930911035,0.0,0.0,0.12464412792914185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993663699911597,0.0,0.123112936211348,0.09042599979223813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528635131195743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146777906008596,0.1230920249895398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsAlmostAlice,2018/01/31,"I’m never going to be who I’m meant to be I forget how it came into conversation, but my roommate had told me how people in a club I’m an officer for at my university have told her that I give off bitchy vibes and that they don’t like me. Big deal, right? So what if some don’t like me. Except I now have reason to believe that I’m the reason for the clubs shrinking population, I’m killing something I enjoy. On top of that, I don’t really have friends, people just don’t talk to me because I’m unapproachable. I don’t try to be you know? I always try to be super friendly and for the beginning of my life, I was super friendly and well liked. I was outgoing and people seemed to enjoy my presence. I went through a crap year and I guess it’s hardened me and not for the better. 

My biggest goal in life is to be a good teacher. And if I’m bitchy and unapproachable, I’m not going to be able to be a good teacher. I want to be a good mother, and well, we all know what I’d say here. I don’t want to be bitchy and unapproachable.

I want to be the happy and well liked person I used to be. I want to be a teacher and a great one at that. I want to be a good mom.
Except those obviously can’t happen with how I am.

So, I want to die. If I can’t be me, then I don’t want to be.",1.032421262866798,2.15589755477032,3.6772468889230336,90.61393147948995,78.75265017667844,6.476509448455984,21.491626978030414,7.079830092131019,0.3875166385005384,980,26,237,11,23,347,118,283,0.101,0.605,0.293,0.9957,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,1,1,1,5,11,23,2,0,14,0,32,3,1,6,3,48,62,22,2,10,9,2,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,1,11,16,0,0,6,2,0,4,12,2,3,1,8,1,36,21,35,39,2,20,0,0,0,0,18,11,1,6,9,162,47,1,0.10757325464529996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950956537864688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557565757292369,0.0,0.0,0.12119822048966153,0.0,0.09513980188595406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303514547219573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090330201354376,0.0,0.0,0.1116440546952162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493324890758889,0.0,0.0,0.10319406803694472,0.12227271928310016,0.3609093688719201,0.0,0.1185998930133932,0.1185040679077634,0.0,0.09512667381670957,0.11451372988646392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901386796137267,0.0,0.11823889493881218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196434215013432,0.2102194339388716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598849570592086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829671256632463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289442136536754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237332501053625,0.09392881666241663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891418149639156,0.22120644415125898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186697169680867,0.0,0.08554656976823044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793065086018922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281514697966738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864633072814287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558170952827126,0.0,0.14607035722054018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929087531481196,0.0,0.0,0.4441464490170423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29016382486394504,0.09972148478651346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927364906387941
suicidewatch,Ens_Entium,2018/01/31,"So my wife cheated. When I found out she said it was rape, I felt bad for being upset to begin with, but yesterday she admitted she lied about the rape just so I wouldn't be mad. (It was consentual.) 

We were homeless together, our daughter lives with her brother because my mom threatened to have DHS take her away because we were selling weed.

We bounced around place to place, moved to CA from TX, now I'm on a bus back home because shes tired of me being sad all the time. 

I know I'm not wrong for being upset about this, and I know I shouldn't do anything rash. The last year has been so hard (I caught her lying and flirting with others and such, she ran off with our car for a month and left me with nothing, locked out of our apartment, later said apartment flooded, couldn't afford a security deposit, lost our place, and consequently our jobs due to not having the money to properly provide for ourselves in a way we could function, and it doesn't help that home didn't have any shelters.) I don't think I'd attempt suicide currently, that is dependent on how me and her are communicating though. I just really dont see why I continue to live. I have pricey chronic health issues (valve replacement anticipated in about 4 years, diabetic type 1, and severe depression and anxiety) I can't afford, I'm not good enough or strong enough at the moment to support my daughter, and while my wife may have been mean lately, I was a terrible husband the first three years of marriage, I just wasnt ready for a family and became anxious and depressed and then reclusive because I felt so guilty but it just made it worse. And lately I lash out verbally due to feeling hurt. 

I just dont know what to do, medical Debt ruined credit, I squandered my grants when I was too immature to understand the consequences, and I'm lost in life. I'll be in jail for a bit once I get home (possession of marijuana)


Any advice how to fix my life?   

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suicidewatch,throwaway043675,2018/01/31,"What is the point? I am 21 years old. 
I've been severely depressed for 6 years or so. 
I'm on anti depressants, and need to be bumped up on the dosage every 6 months because my body gets used to them.

i have no friends, partly due to moving to a different part of the country because of my parents jobs, partly due to isolating myself from everyone.

the one person that is there for me cheats on me, treats me like shit but then says that he cares about me and would miss me if i killed myself. 

been out of a job for 2 years, no one will give me a chance... im talking 60+ interviews.

im aware my life could be so much worse, but if all my life is ever going to be is no job, no friends, a shitty non official boyfriend, just sleeping all day to try and make it through the day, what's the point?",4.1558928571428595,3.892504708333334,5.009619047619047,89.06871428571432,70.36904761904762,8.386666666666667,27.514285714285712,7.908726449838941,1.3464600000000004,613,18,143,7,10,200,103,168,0.215,0.721,0.064,-0.9775,5,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,6,11,3,0,10,0,14,5,3,2,3,18,23,11,1,5,6,1,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,2,2,1,16,5,21,15,6,20,0,3,0,0,10,7,1,3,12,92,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904757876015104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579460337187482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464423708853314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760841163480956,0.0,0.0,0.15768507460909106,0.0,0.21059123330334764,0.0,0.0,0.12772749974729206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058408869117788,0.10300272764787913,0.11681718939869774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890344973756176,0.0,0.06387171412554266,0.1172754231721778,0.0694787266803201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641066487913035,0.0,0.3639492508299841,0.0,0.13525391521081187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270064909504526,0.05972623606952525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160427414927399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758051737921608,0.12993471158252984,0.08986941297440243,0.09064843652589956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828308954110926,0.0,0.16568247138883935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574656949607758,0.3971615668396888,0.0,0.0,0.10674588115087312,0.0,0.0,0.23113563596903464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972198340597029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381101567229706,0.12549009780182854,0.0,0.0,0.1223404611099254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826166506649726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300119998088028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558662478490784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458540761759865,0.08684443544051662,0.0,0.0,0.2361791718223243
suicidewatch,ArmadicVortex,2018/01/31,"I can't do this. This is the end. I truly can't keep living. There is NOTHING for me to live for anymore. All I ever wanted was a bundle of friends, people I could care for, an honest job, and an overall peaceful life. I not only have no friends, but the very few friends I DO have most likely despise me, I am doing terrible in school, and my family members also despise. Even when I try to blow off steam playing video games, I end up sucking at THAT too.

I was going to chug rubbing alcohol tonight. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't think I can ever do it, but I want to leave so badly.",2.054015748031496,3.2591831023622078,4.043314960629922,88.69410629921259,76.24409448818898,6.024881889763781,25.298425196850395,6.2581,0.7904872440944879,462,16,99,3,10,158,83,127,0.136,0.701,0.163,-0.3243,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,12,3,0,5,0,18,2,0,0,3,16,26,8,0,4,4,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,3,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,1,18,7,13,22,3,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,7,77,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111136890915487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300765582349312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773480447012063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931283371774842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232574958755812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277857711726336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31677477394605685,0.0,0.0,0.11811335576750435,0.3235179954409763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858190754272664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144832189306862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163134067225824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745791681293788,0.1589493969333902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935166594039676,0.0,0.0,0.12631059419998145,0.08736569789171146,0.0,0.3158145233567022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715890517617416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600577161819968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397592471696127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098217818531806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458493541832665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141159797409536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755076445706186,0.2109532542527248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,azknight625,2018/01/31,"I need to put this somewhere Without going into too much detail, today was just too difficult, I've pretty much lost the person who meant nearly everything to me, I saw all the hatred towards me in her face and I just couldn't take it.  I lied about something to protect myself, and I just wasn't ready to let go of the lie yet, it took years for me to come to grips with it and when it came out I just wasn't ready. As I took that long car ride I just saw nothing, no hope, no tomorrow, nothing.

I've been here 30 years, and it seems like no matter what I'm always holding someone else's burden. I've seen too much, had too much done to me, and it hurts, it's been hurting for years.  This depression is too much to live with, I have a horrible job, all the ones I seem to be there but nobody is there for me how I need them. I can never speak without being judged. I have had the short end of the stick for all this time, constant hurt and pain and this one is just too much for me to bare.

To sum it all up, this weight is too heavy.  And I've finally made up my mind.  If someone stumbles across this, it was just too late for me. I'm sorry for all the pain thus may cause, but this life has been too much for me to deal with, and I can't go on. 

I'm sorry.",2.8529820261437924,3.123332125000001,3.9687745098039215,93.52295751633987,73.33823529411767,6.9267973856209135,22.464052287581698,6.42735559955562,0.2069086601307184,966,20,235,6,18,315,136,272,0.139,0.8140000000000001,0.047,-0.9751,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,23,11,0,0,8,0,24,5,1,4,6,49,46,15,0,5,12,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,19,16,1,2,3,0,0,10,10,9,0,2,19,6,26,2,38,22,12,34,0,5,3,0,6,10,0,5,15,167,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166285872225197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122494747914899,0.0,0.10081992122834596,0.0,0.08454152570327185,0.0,0.10605774387977723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118114914145032,0.0845304434652356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043438891907984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198590379743491,0.0,0.08692558959553606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820462240751623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751088649480624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733082813264466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974781682820524,0.0,0.0,0.3151924137295014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973918084145616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070960680380593,0.0,0.0,0.1003578922696258,0.06932132086291436,0.04794772453033603,0.0,0.08666208897773331,0.08685348858291925,0.0,0.0,0.10713470507686076,0.0,0.0,0.09286530308171953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909647763457972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050249100560362,0.14554361867337515,0.07569395106509265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834175848949744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300850715604948,0.0,0.20886219600788647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569470371801277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984673929407577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866084722729034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869144759989253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631253288403053,0.07555529533915545,0.0,0.21972616239160184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379134061288634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722798701659008,0.0,0.09302811196464318,0.0,0.21808102344567654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951176434332275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921274736480895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896026707117042
suicidewatch,Bellarosa_5,2018/01/31,"I'm giving myself until the end of this year I've thought about suicide since I was a teenager. I grew up privileged..I got everything that I've ever wanted. Last year was a really bad year from me. I'm still unemployed but thankfully I live at home. I feel like a loser. I have been actively looking for over a year and I still have yet to find work. I fail at interviews and I cannot take another year of sitting at home doing nothing. I have no friends. People do not call and ask to hang out with me. They never did. I'm in my twenties, everyone says this is the start of your life. The world is your oyster blah blah blah. I'm tired of living like this. The only reason why I'm still alive is because I don't want to hurt my parents. I feel like a vessel - I'm not living...i'm just killing time. That's all I'm doing. Killing time. I've decided to give it until the end of the year and I'm going to start planning how I can do it as painlessly as possible. I'm just killing time",0.2091905901116462,2.379822779904309,2.4856758373205743,92.75202252791071,86.7511961722488,5.779984051036682,20.67005582137161,7.1686216300943375,0.5836649122807018,767,25,170,12,24,260,112,209,0.15,0.674,0.17600000000000002,0.7772,3,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,2,1,4,9,12,3,0,11,0,17,2,0,2,3,23,41,10,4,2,5,1,2,6,1,0,2,1,2,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,6,4,20,5,25,35,1,34,0,3,1,0,11,8,0,0,25,98,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115016842395121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254294766112228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915844289458707,0.06686444402294497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200313782148988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943010259328992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921856724715243,0.0,0.1048110474043513,0.09857999644033764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092252861743884,0.15672145501350612,0.0,0.0,0.10025233102678434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474424238077839,0.0,0.0,0.21044437040019232,0.06233789867029772,0.0,0.08772706417573306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200508870334248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742267081317932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640586952593437,0.0,0.0,0.08940990162379651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747548118661042,0.1607632248007913,0.0,0.19371203435272985,0.0,0.0921098222952566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459771407531211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524805489037188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342223917966346,0.0,0.0,0.12179491908397225,0.0,0.0,0.07604345845918739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365610531991204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026858138522361,0.11277695451256695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722785309871768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073458205679476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527466611718424,0.0,0.2627895886350379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998025400122203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247130248273933,0.0,0.0,0.10098545578751783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707957343622577,0.19187888125585595,0.1260695741187454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939298547859754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897585185757714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985376111581832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238106823355231
suicidewatch,donsigler,2018/01/31,"i can't keep going like this. it needs to end long post. tl:dr below.

throughout my life i've been plagued with anxiety. my colleagues always remark about how much i worry about things. in addition i've always had suicidal ideation since middle school. it's been intensifying ever since i entered college.

i recently learned that i equated myself to my work. my self-esteem and desire to live entirely hinged on my grades, and now my ""career"". it's worked for the past 20 years, but now it's really affecting me. yet, i can't just change my thinking because it's been such a guiding principle all this time. it is also the only reason people ever notice or care about me.

in my relentless pursuit to improve my resume i managed, by sheer luck, to secure an internship. and i've fucked up real bad in it.

for some reason they trust us working directly on machines that are worth more than most people's lifetime earnings. i was doing some electrical work on it and managed to bring down the entire machine. now the software is full of errors that involve very difficult and potentially costly hardware repair, if it's even recoverable. 

now the operators and my supervisors will be fucking pissed that i broke their tool. to make matters worse, i'm not some fresh intern. i've been working there since FUCKING MAY 2017 and i'm just as incompetent as if they hired me two weeks ago. they're probably all thinking ""why the fuck did we hire this dumb fuck"". i know my technical supervisor thinks i was a mistake, that i've kept throwing wrenches into his design of experiments. even my hardware supervisor, who usually maintains a calm and collected demeanor, probably pulls his hair out when he sees me do shit like this. yeah, people make mistakes, but it's not ok to *BE* the mistake!

i know they miss my other co-intern. she was not only orders of magnitude more competent than me, but she actually was friendly with everyone. during her may-december time, she also never made a mistake as grave as this one. i'm sure they'll be happy when my contract expires, and they won't have to deal with a liability like myself ever again.

i can't stop thinking about why i was so stupid in going about my work. why i didn't put fucking ELECTRICAL TAPE on the breadboard i was using to test a connector with live (albeit low voltage) power. a few seconds of extra work could have saved everyone a headache. since i worked there for months, should know that. i've blown circuit boards before, yet i never learned my lesson and now the consequences have become dire.

and i figure this will only get worse. equating myself to my work puts me on a shaky foundation, but i don't care anymore. i know i'll crash and burn some day from overworking myself to death. before i leave i'll get all the machine's motherboards fried and break the turbopump after another series of fucking stupid mistakes. then in the next few years, getting horrible performance reviews (if i even get a job after this) and shouted at by numerous managers i'm just gonna fucking end it. 

i went to a gun show recently and what surprised me most was how cheap some of the guns, particularly the shotguns were. i've saved up enough such that i could buy any of them, some ammo, and then drive off somewhere and do it. i've thought about that a lot. i've even considered different variations like killing myself while in the trunk parked in a remote location, or killing myself while driving on a lone road. i've even thought about trying to make it look like a murder scene, so that maybe my family would have more closure than if i went missing or if i committed suicide. even so far as create an e-mail chain and act as my ""killer"", who lured me into the countryside via e-mail to kill me.

i know most of the posts here come from people that live, or have lived, horrible lives. i am not one of those people. i was raised in a caring and supportive family, and had the privilege of meeting some good, albeit few, friends. this decision would be so much easier if i was friendless and had a shitty family, because then i'd have no regrets going through with my decision. but as it stands, i'm torn between wanting to die and wanting to stay alive for the people who care about me.

i understand that i'm in a better position than some other people on this subreddit. i have zero intention of humblebragging in my post. i just have no one else to talk about this to. my friends wouldn't understand the severity of this issue. my parents would just say meaningless shit, and keep reminding me of my ""ambition"". my school counselor won't change my thinking. and obviously, i don't want to bring any emotional baggage into work. 

TL:DR
work, and excelling at it is the only thing i have to justify my existence. there is nothing else that gives meaning to my life. a career of failure awaits me, so i don't want to live anymore so i won't have to face the catastrophic collapse of my identity as a person. i can't do it because it would hurt my family.",5.403166144200629,6.605848715778477,6.020276907001048,77.7262774294671,68.1118077324974,9.101985370950887,31.53239289446186,9.379193490209856,2.90589947753396,3979,163,717,79,66,1294,412,957,0.21600000000000005,0.679,0.105,-0.9991,4,0,0,3,0,5,117.0,2,0,7,19,49,61,18,1,44,2,65,15,5,11,11,147,130,65,9,26,24,1,1,5,3,14,2,2,0,1,49,37,0,5,23,1,4,16,20,34,0,6,25,5,102,27,105,85,26,95,0,8,2,8,30,33,12,25,44,489,151,29,0.0,0.0,0.044869613423059694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040758283273598435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353999544962107,0.07651768791468119,0.0,0.0,0.0625356274767286,0.0482137877563934,0.03517439080121027,0.0,0.09119913423672353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038391179300658766,0.08408650538753451,0.05078103283947924,0.07825077894492274,0.0,0.0,0.040665361507333915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751772019208346,0.0,0.0972809794634676,0.03960749219908991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342219443458636,0.0,0.0,0.029653141602941743,0.047403113936940106,0.0,0.0,0.04771973195579877,0.04803906325295032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682037952543283,0.05172104166602358,0.08144884027502809,0.04750938358678981,0.0,0.18221518831976014,0.12477397683151605,0.0,0.08787126283155627,0.0,0.04497702842816143,0.17338250378542194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657154632241572,0.3400603801454706,0.09609010811366347,0.044107975830821086,0.07839407220059766,0.03856564147083619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894630986270467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922228441054502,0.0,0.0,0.047990923868979074,0.04562781733528285,0.08173784724944251,0.15260937701457958,0.0,0.12634636901699112,0.0,0.0,0.04868592723742619,0.0,0.0,0.06495372900993741,0.11231694185203824,0.0,0.2436058245641219,0.04069064099441234,0.0386114183796355,0.0,0.0,0.03909034798177533,0.0,0.043507160969452174,0.0920755411792483,0.0,0.046192849352500405,0.05008543842928065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03670060602384227,0.0,0.06760082868488719,0.03409340967813836,0.07092485145942719,0.0,0.04889999674121229,0.0,0.0,0.044118820118755835,0.05234826188884193,0.0,0.0,0.09347122669786302,0.13987871863684534,0.0,0.0,0.051055082509992855,0.0,0.04389288395443328,0.2231360349532803,0.040147753199149504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321077012527246,0.0,0.09914791679018888,0.0,0.0,0.09244471765569924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233503350747632,0.029455811847202494,0.09454970307743364,0.0907989325748348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036564950907797114,0.0,0.09306794439479472,0.036639915964308115,0.0,0.047966917838534025,0.05194404155578351,0.09439512646608073,0.15213973155072238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900830671125298,0.0,0.038441138474241535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058878997044132,0.052177287139005435,0.04333537996402007,0.0,0.0,0.03695678967183226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061093819350592375,0.14730986919433442,0.0,0.07300558742776891,0.0536223360170915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031217239074131493,0.0,0.04491554472307465,0.0957331041361875,0.05530799033983453,0.03971175006747329,0.05064021003317865,0.037938117663270834,0.10848021575135562,0.0,0.036882190281279606,0.0,0.0,0.08524739695701129,0.12446874601398085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36821194451137496,0.046694678526987415,0.09371460787657526,0.13065081006197926,0.0,0.0,0.05921891629523631
suicidewatch,ckblanco93,2018/01/31,Life is ass Enough said,-2.282,-5.292282199999995,-2.8149999999999995,119.69750000000002,171.0,1.0,2.5,3.1291,-3.727,19,0,5,0,2,5,5,5,0.467,0.5329999999999999,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6572687430190746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44930130216037856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6050835804474569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DryObligation,2018/01/31,I'm so bored I want to kill myself My job is boring and there's nothing to do outside of work. I've tried a bunch of different hobbies and each one bores me. I hate the city and the state I live in. I should just end it. I'm living for nothing.,-0.6613939393939425,1.1767988909090903,1.7159090909090935,99.08719696969698,87.36363636363636,4.393939393939394,18.25757575757576,5.46131890053228,-0.6057878787878788,189,5,47,1,6,64,42,55,0.27,0.7020000000000001,0.028,-0.9302,2,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,7,0,6,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,29,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826926752478993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23964862128918024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713621799776976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685033569517285,0.0,0.2993505016879309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778443318748703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192468979871689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334822638531886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837022670748582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959180053503974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698139692551309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4separation,2018/01/31,"I was born a burden I've always felt like a burden. Whether it be the medical bills to the food to the clothing, I've just always been a detriment to my family. I don't live lavishly, I let my sister and mother and father live the life they can. Part of that life includes reminding me how much money I've (l)(c)ost my parents. My mother has always been this way and up until recently, I had just had to deal with it. I grew depressed and eventually turned to drugs and alcohol. However, I always kept a fine GPA and stayed in tune with what I was good with and kept working on my various side projects. That became too much for me and I looked into moving in with my father for the time being due to the fact that my mother had become unbearable. My father, a much more timid spirit, could continue to talk to me in a serious conversation instead of devolving from worried to screaming like my mother. 

I've gone to many different therapists to help with family problems, depression, and some mental troubles. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia earlier last year and instead of helping me my parents decided it was in their better interests to ignore it and because of this I currently have to wake up in the morning and suffer every second while I'm awake until I sleep which turns into a 3 hour turn-and-toss fest until I wake up and don't have the will to try sleeping again.

To get to work and school, my father helped me buy a car. No longer can I tell if he continually reminds me of the car's price and how much he could've done for himself with the money. I want to pay him back as soon as possible but I am in no position to even start dealing with that matter.

My mother can't be trusted. She goes out of her way to make my life harder. She will call and text me every 2 hours asking if I'm available for dinner or some sort of meeting where when I decide to meet her she will spend as long as she can doing her best to remind me that she gave birth to me and it was the worst mistake in her entire life.

I no barely eat at this point because I'm afraid to walk into the kitchen and make food out of ingredients I didn't purchase and I'm barely making enough money to pay for school and gas as it is. I cry on average 2 or 3 times a day but I think it's just a bad habit because I haven't gained anything from it yet. 

I still consider suicide every day but it's not feasible when considering the position I am in. It's selfish. I read that suicide has a greater chance of hurting me long term over killing me. If I attempt suicide, I'd probably mess it up and end up becoming a figure that sits in bed all day and drains my parents' money on medical bills. If I do somehow succeed with suicide, my parents will end up having to pay my funeral expenses.

At this point in life, I'm slowly building up the money so I can safely move away and cut all contact with my family. Maybe I won't be happy but they can be.

I'm lost",4.664073226544623,5.071534752508359,5.899207885935577,80.7972223200141,69.36789297658862,8.836542862172152,29.616440767470518,8.841846274778883,2.2596615384615384,2314,83,462,38,38,778,273,598,0.179,0.76,0.061,-0.9975,8,0,2,0,0,4,44.0,0,0,3,8,19,32,2,2,26,0,43,19,4,5,3,79,66,48,6,8,15,14,1,2,0,5,10,1,2,0,24,38,6,4,5,1,15,7,10,21,0,1,18,3,70,11,88,36,16,77,1,5,1,0,44,33,0,10,35,325,94,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296288390286405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723382936212044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618271549698723,0.0,0.06382587265780873,0.0,0.06414456391539862,0.05249758608669231,0.057004954827854025,0.12485543628940456,0.15080393652177354,0.0,0.0,0.07164811486151018,0.06038176315527107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971418488469824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902058632602857,0.0,0.07499448940580843,0.1320909668605033,0.1407725637971491,0.11760656353957495,0.06929547746039125,0.0,0.07133056813026488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698668009876696,0.0,0.0,0.07917479863292286,0.0698601414988367,0.0,0.0,0.12093891214692128,0.07054407586842924,0.0,0.04509355520517792,0.0,0.1725683920054795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308462209817964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555261597606461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511153535184184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03566973177305472,0.0,0.0,0.05726400412801351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726776888217588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372855008909045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446995482300894,0.0,0.07308746827943248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553376236846307,0.0,0.0,0.055651462392583874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981358638417423,0.2411155671407453,0.0667093047237367,0.0,0.12057230574004632,0.12083859855605418,0.057331975747166634,0.0,0.07452785046074717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367179170133801,0.06921792592657279,0.06858922644931532,0.0,0.0,0.13755537151976788,0.06880294689703335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512641076293295,0.2007535197253692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30323555829550275,0.07393281336760263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907976952058728,0.07696734891600554,0.0,0.0,0.0736096496754863,0.06532787045499026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829129785344602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741117548526314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819148207451568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664425614773795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832385499259748,0.07276974453912262,0.05452276404694847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29871754569181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487510840254782,0.05967345590006435,0.0,0.0,0.07927000876901358,0.0,0.043746467767277065,0.0,0.0,0.07962086338842576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635276476752173,0.22278367674724933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026907945567964,0.10838357694042436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940685545862564,0.06933436504479577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396545912183646
suicidewatch,Flurak,2018/01/31,"How do I tell my Parents that I'm still Suicidal? Hi, so I used to be really depressed and had messed up thoughts about suicide but never actually wanted to do it, and after countless therapist sessions and counselling. I felt terrible that my parents were wasting this much money on me as we aren't a very wealthy family. So i faked that I was no longer depressed and didn't have these thoughts, and the more I faked it I started to believe I wasn't actually suicidal. But something happened that made me realise that I have a messed up view on this world, I don't see suicide as a good thing yet I don't see it as bad either. That just by sacrificing all the good things in life, I no longer have any bad things either. A perfectly neutral outcome in my eyes. I don't have a single friend to talk to this about since I've kept them in the dark about whats happening and I haven't even talked to them in person for years. I don't trust a single person, I always keep them close but never close enough to see the real me. So I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I'm still alive is out of obligation to my parents. Every time the question comes up ""Are you still depressed?"" I don't even get a chance to answer before one of my parents say, ""No hes not depressed, he's finally over that."" And I just have to sit there and nod since I don't want to stress them out any more. So I guess what i want to know is how do I bring this kind of thing up to my parents?

Sorry for the random bits in the middle of it, i was just typing whats on my mind.

**TL;DR:** Pretended to get over my depression/anxiety and it's probably even worse now. How do I tell my parents?",3.0156669630947093,4.186756627167632,4.332947976878612,87.69994664295245,73.76878612716763,7.404001778568253,25.735437972432194,7.882392219407189,1.31287852378835,1307,43,281,18,26,432,155,346,0.206,0.726,0.068,-0.9935,6,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,1,1,4,2,22,18,0,1,16,0,28,2,1,6,4,51,53,22,4,3,9,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,25,16,0,2,8,1,1,3,16,12,0,1,11,7,43,6,45,41,10,36,0,4,5,0,24,20,0,3,12,203,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.15101918060257905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438454473367641,0.0,0.0,0.1052391418102804,0.0,0.05919382040255874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921449502331872,0.0,0.0,0.06584282555743236,0.08717830564531061,0.0,0.0,0.08447653861042714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330828062261735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665816114596524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995197231321899,0.0,0.1533219607551409,0.0,0.06519415051233003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294492211693895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429484153073923,0.08476361946163295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978191168194056,0.0,0.08085343445304159,0.0,0.0,0.12980168827006955,0.0,0.0,0.08524039223131083,0.0,0.13684990112082188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877696159003276,0.0,0.08057709216727406,0.04252482619172953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465424250302029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321676407150036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781295401243996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688160080514699,0.0,0.1193570897387947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243321329268321,0.058849318783685774,0.0,0.0,0.5155134714595284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351266554049282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342637706129571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668086699220802,0.0,0.0,0.08807289916437884,0.04957021277636095,0.07955728607655503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153394807309773,0.0,0.0,0.18498031287138653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801546438150527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956922606855121,0.0,0.08661813432087387,0.05476841916027201,0.0,0.1853820806860699,0.0,0.08863603122035872,0.0,0.0,0.3385551040057321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438672117183085,0.135263250250932,0.0,0.0,0.08984161275553923,0.205625541080922,0.0,0.0,0.12285869156926413,0.04511962901788419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682959243417605,0.0,0.06384480504758383,0.13691832883561178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885460901218141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982877906010194
suicidewatch,llninjaguyll,2018/01/31,"I hate others but most of all, myself I'm sure I'll hurt people if I kill myself - but I want that. They hurt me subtly and chronically. Foreign-exchange student who's just as awkward and dumb as me but with a thick and hard-to-understand accent gets to hug and kiss and date and fuck the only person I've ever felt attracted to, and I'm here a kissless virgin spending day after day in front of a desk trying to keep grades perfect and hoping college will be better but I can't keep calm. I get impulses and urges to not go on anymore.",3.498851351351352,4.526750810810813,5.0230518018018016,83.76268581081084,72.42342342342343,6.9914414414414425,25.58671171171171,7.1686216300943375,1.1866117117117119,424,13,84,4,8,143,78,111,0.229,0.564,0.207,-0.624,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,3,15,4,1,4,0,3,5,0,0,4,27,15,16,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,1,2,10,8,12,12,2,10,0,2,0,4,3,3,2,3,5,52,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033989511063437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138970169349186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645383840329281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552000685315104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969231906420141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960685650500692,0.2143071572508876,0.0,0.1165601127832914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372467425243674,0.20248867412544252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370543340390115,0.0,0.0,0.43911649398669456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36459539962458404,0.22690703132617246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598385275776644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218692454350715,0.17908088620199036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932994409266492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924592019992035,0.0,0.0,0.21351094098011766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097023883111978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,addoracsgo,2018/01/31,"Not suicidal but is this how it starts? Freshman in high school here and almost halfway through the year I’ve already missed 25+ days of school. Although I’ve hinted of my issues to the teachers they find it easier to assume the worst(cutting class etc). In reality most days I can’t seem to get myself out of bed only to spend the day regretting it and wondering what my purpose in this world is. You would think that this could never happen to you until it does. My family has been falling apart getting worse and worse by the day, im not eating well, I stopped going to the gym, my face isn’t clearing up, and on top of that im not doing well in school. Fortunately for me I don’t believe in suicide because ik that there is so much to look forward too in life but im in a rough spot right now and I don’t know what to do. I can’t remember the last time I told someone how I really feel. Now I’m afraid to go back to my classes because of how many excuses I’ve made or promises when i wish they could see the real picture. No one understands what I go through and put up with on a daily basis yet keep the smile on my face so no one has to worry about me. I just need some advice if you guys don’t mind.",4.563450520833335,4.262357714843752,5.67771875,84.75373958333336,69.5078125,8.701666666666666,28.785416666666666,8.238735603445708,1.7358513541666674,949,30,209,12,15,317,148,256,0.14,0.785,0.076,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,3,2,1,17,6,0,1,11,0,17,4,2,4,2,44,39,18,2,7,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,13,8,1,2,9,1,1,6,12,3,2,2,3,4,24,3,36,33,4,40,0,2,2,0,8,19,0,8,17,140,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541344850665534,0.0,0.0,0.10802045837098913,0.0,0.1190418946353442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294862375056983,0.0,0.13151825801260816,0.0,0.0,0.1215373160025302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225758878305095,0.0,0.0,0.2782798150723181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944014651231758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038226753472592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030828107585535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169422294321967,0.0,0.05454445165622386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859509138983867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271966506196678,0.0,0.18392223163787869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681244709492542,0.09539282482218676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139750460958087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495680372756235,0.11259266891711335,0.0,0.09588357163616576,0.0,0.0,0.05928485533826058,0.08793189476461656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761947584642671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090587183899757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207320417358104,0.0,0.1093675371091687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892222023521624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929997079676891,0.07998737425072623,0.08319925596940386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619673933347874,0.08204321247818594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108443395636234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227844897622861,0.06910699364845146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220047311654147,0.0921240025158864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32752343793113,0.08596179432975685,0.09820464699763112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914014845283953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635393481404583,0.0,0.0,0.09018768608922093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359937965944368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912145044635001,0.0,0.0,0.06290233068045979,0.0,0.0,0.1030784490660456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123008772225434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398377485803853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405004008549594,0.0,0.11698500020704285,0.0,0.10955151632282964,0.21986611147873295,0.07663075752209947,0.0,0.0,0.06946746695545154
suicidewatch,brianandstuff,2018/01/31,"therapy stopped working. don't know if I can talk it out any more I'm tired of investing so much effort in keeping myself alive and not seeing any return. I don't want to gamble on the possibility that one day I might be 'okay' or find a 'calling' when it's not guaranteed, and the evidence with which I've been presented thus far would indicate the opposite. I never asked to be alive, and every day feels like I have to work so hard to get what I never asked for",6.215894736842108,5.294870378947369,7.222105263157897,77.12473684210528,66.26315789473685,10.968421052631578,31.63157894736842,10.355215969177356,2.9535894736842097,366,12,76,8,5,124,70,95,0.08900000000000001,0.8270000000000001,0.084,0.1364,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,4,1,9,1,0,1,2,20,18,8,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,3,7,2,10,13,2,12,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,3,9,50,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660870808017288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657984671619089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977276383658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523463249381576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483715941400656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989226754922066,0.1397669691649109,0.0,0.0,0.1788136086169372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022150788020876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525716170660388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389595374025305,0.0,0.0,0.10751994617512987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955809940281095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075456685657846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381967440266893,0.0,0.30178295865277965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325723530438518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055740942185206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590166235065694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356580611767846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724994977048493,0.0,0.0,0.22373413402579345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486215785796054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539495603830613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848599935883674,0.0,0.0,0.13897874722177414,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xr88fast,2018/01/31,I have nothing in my house that will kill me I don’t want some gruesome gory spectacle. I just want to never wake up. I don’t have anything. I keep waking up and I immediately start to cry and am overcome with a sense of dread and fear. I can’t get it to end. I want off this merry go round.,-0.8714062499999997,1.1721371718750042,1.7268749999999995,96.930625,91.34375,4.45,17.375,5.985473137389443,-0.5269312500000001,225,6,55,2,8,77,46,64,0.214,0.6729999999999999,0.113,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,7,2,2,0,1,11,14,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,10,0,9,13,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280294312677688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30438099362321197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454280743735496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118141852031639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447731491390746,0.0,0.15748213739672395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197358336866725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629893300053002,0.30656974697705835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371636060303928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26588462226881043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613258407239206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903217228676476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crrrie,2018/01/31,"Obsessing over the right way. I'm not sure this is allowed, it's not exactly what I see on here, but I have no where else. I don't have a date to do it. In fact I'm still undetermined for my plan. But it's getting really easy.

I've gone through every method I can think of and researched. I need to succeed if I do it. I can do it if I know I won't have to see anything that happens after. If I fail I will have to face the pain I cause and account for it. 

This has lead to me planning an accidental death scenario. If I fail, it was an accident. If I succeed my family doesn't have to blame themselves. Dying by accident happens every day, all around us. It's sad, but not a tragedy.  I feel pretty confident about it. 

It's pushing me because it means I have 1 less thing holding me here. I tested the water on a pill overdose last week to get a feel. Now I want to try having a common home accident. To plan it. At what point does it change from testing the waters to wanting to swim? ",0.8881428571428565,2.6888198619047654,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,81.33333333333333,6.104761904761905,23.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8530761904761909,761,28,172,10,20,260,118,210,0.204,0.682,0.114,-0.9674,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,8,8,8,0,1,11,0,19,5,1,3,4,31,36,10,2,8,11,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,19,3,2,1,5,1,1,4,7,5,0,0,2,4,24,3,25,32,2,22,0,3,2,0,1,9,0,6,8,119,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251126092554092,0.15416570125718046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055680885815362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790216251602062,0.18320003328656115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168589293963918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973208187138234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154979062138796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446685278434172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918209384392453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325740468477187,0.0,0.17512864270217285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809573783284452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30628259020602794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371229114548953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517444884790163,0.1411637014651373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864230269930626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840976360096934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842742777664515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637097864675439,0.0,0.0,0.17618493075746694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094266814853937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789360815819844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27600190135004976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830068170864832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321881411310504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150521900618282,0.11096587673636926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757692550049033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083125751231888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429049179181952,0.1374611397541699,0.13891345511686853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aarghIforget,2018/01/31,"Uhm, can I get a little help with this one, please...? I dunno what else to say to this person, but I don't want to abandon them, either. [I kinda got myself into something...](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/7t79d5/this_is_the_bullet_that_ended_my_fathers_battle/dtau4dq) I only meant to post a subtly optimistic joke to try and gently push someone who's clearly upset with their life back in the right direction (and of course, also just 'cause I wanted to post the joke that I'd thought of, too, naturally), but now it's become a whole awkward *conversation*, and s/he seems determined to remain suicidal.

I'm... *really bad* at cheering people up or changing their mind about stuff, though... especially 'human' stuff. Heck, I even have papers *certifying* my social ineptness. So not only have I run out of (attempts at) helpful things to say, I'm also probably not a very good choice for a grief counsellor. I don't really have a whole lot of encouraging things to say.

I dunno whether someone else stepping into a 4-day old thread would be viewed with suspicion or not, but it doesn't feel right for me to just walk away from this person without at least trying a *bit* harder to help them, so I'd certainly appreciate it if someone here could at least go and take a look at what they're saying.

I know that back when \*I\* was like that, I'd never have allowed the topic to be dropped without making sure that it ended on a depressing and pessimistic note, so wouldn't be surprised if the same pattern is repeating itself here, but hopefully someone else can help spin this one better than I can, anyway. ._.[](/sadpinkpone)",5.014975228161672,7.522643020338986,5.115000000000002,78.59933181225557,71.33898305084746,7.521512385919165,26.600391134289442,8.384062270229773,2.038212516297261,1301,45,217,22,26,407,178,295,0.11,0.701,0.189,0.979,1,0,1,0,0,0,79.0,0,0,4,2,19,17,0,2,14,0,18,1,0,3,4,53,34,21,2,8,17,0,1,1,0,2,1,4,0,3,20,11,0,1,5,2,0,5,10,6,0,2,4,7,20,11,38,24,8,31,0,3,2,0,19,15,1,10,9,154,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661118347759734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199789213327296,0.1505869544434245,0.08175806904279308,0.0,0.10814357007478652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660118012341693,0.1069019180078995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005895327319227,0.10358505756279593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818015689027405,0.0,0.0,0.06314949534429723,0.0,0.08433727884524111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453956614856892,0.0,0.08672695171084398,0.0,0.0,0.06467441314502181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951066386222548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051158507218294416,0.0,0.05564948411133412,0.08212960465109037,0.07831457216422931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625315055345231,0.0,0.0,0.09725541618751614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381358608705263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916291134732358,0.04783815685733179,0.09814031511375372,0.0,0.0,0.08222709141076684,0.0,0.0,0.0832470225561931,0.0,0.0,0.06536152826435268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988700274627792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552097914285989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274926001476227,0.0,0.13270456295928915,0.14894324873907155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788453450568056,0.17099775718078852,0.0,0.10748538681346828,0.0,0.0,0.18755819707991447,0.0,0.10557297762200116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545852159710966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724416081599433,0.0,0.3114756915857197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914155554909536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981583791981764,0.3318649680825905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418709163567227,0.10710722339276034,0.0,0.09228726628445164,0.0,0.07362271643816243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301057376080122,0.0,0.09620467808172753,0.07773655259043807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296081204280302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079322645902882,0.11551003551777105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864558264276027,0.0,0.1887803681302452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955867300852131,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,firelad80,2018/01/31,"Debated about not even putting this up So I'm thinking about trying suicide tonight. Tuesday seems like a weird night for it, but I'm really in a bad spot and I don't know if I can come back from this.

To make the story short, there's been a lot of things at my work that make me feel really useless. Most that problem is me being awkward and not knowing how to communicate properly, some people influencing me in ways so I don't trust people and then they don't trust me.

I guess the main problem is my sleeping habits. I've tried sleeping for 10 hours and being tired and hard to wake up, to only sleeping 4 hours and waking up really early. 
My job gave me the funding for a sleep study to see if i have any sleeping disorders, and I've tried making appointments. I tried getting it done January 2017, and they only called me at the beginning of the month for an initial session, and I had to reschedule getting the results. I have not received a call back and that would help with some of the stress. 

And then at work, I try to do the best work I can as a mechanic, but always feel like I'm falling short. It helps I'm small, so I can fit into small spaces easy, where other people can't reach. 
But they treat me like I'm useless and a problem most of the time. I can admit, I internalize things too much. I've been trying to let people in, but when I do, I feel like I get stabbed in the back all the time. What's worse, is I try not to let stuff like this show at work, which only makes it worse when it does.

TL;DR: I'm a failure to everyone I know and just want to take a swim with an anchor right now. 

My phone is at 12%, if I can't calm down, I'm going to try it when it dies.

I'm sorry if this stresses you guys out, I'm just so done with it all.
",4.307206744868033,4.0246703413978535,5.3421798631476065,86.87872434017599,70.04838709677419,8.269012707722387,27.392961876832853,7.686295010490155,1.3239741935483864,1365,39,309,14,22,452,170,372,0.187,0.7090000000000001,0.104,-0.9869,1,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,1,3,5,20,20,0,3,22,0,27,8,7,7,2,62,60,32,2,9,14,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,21,19,0,0,9,2,1,6,9,10,0,0,6,5,34,10,42,49,10,49,0,2,1,0,13,23,0,11,24,201,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334283979225074,0.0,0.0,0.051768216480653405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756083340744108,0.06356193936724057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988942621491485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546609258999394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557571461744098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900665633221135,0.0,0.08724686654740671,0.0,0.06661828038808826,0.15580643407479386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028043317393038,0.0,0.0,0.07274155134023716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547461374590808,0.10876870376078636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193179085073221,0.0,0.04326409828797978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838612516601735,0.0753766007786321,0.0,0.0,0.06819384586185744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205116040620757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993733686811586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554320059334596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255103968102046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568776286766667,0.0,0.18595632585297106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471951040637355,0.0,0.0,0.20325849399962964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060762960068497227,0.0,0.055961289185642256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143899197722813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736915118535426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111044312440876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852659054237628,0.0,0.07652754676322747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463045856431353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650110951357426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060662479230070926,0.06930215225542392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809043420160874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521670267431396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744039023227097,0.0,0.08714593245839823,0.08326936923523441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057237196194600326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114931898455297,0.0487783972490043,0.0,0.0,0.08877923868803074,0.08749551335768667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134758646934404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490102298065199,0.060425189062036914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216822217798457,0.0,0.15515757348911105,0.05407764894642015,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IHateAllOfMeSoMuch,2018/01/31,"Tomorrow is the day I kill myself I don’t really know why I’m writing this. I guess it’s helpful to actually write things out that I can never tell anyone in real life.

I’ve tried everything, yet here I am. I’m a little older than the average reddit demo, and from the outside seemingly have everything together, so I don’t really expect or want anyone to talk me down.

I will kill myself tomorrow night. I am surrounded by people but totally alone. I’ve pushed away the only person I care about, and yet I’m still married. I’ve tried to stop feeling anything, but I’ve only kept spiraling down. Professional and personal success mean and have meant nothing to me. I do not enjoy or look forward to anything.

I should’ve done this a long time ago. None of this matters. Oh my god I hate my life and myself so much. What a waste.

Best of luck to everyone else here. I hope you can find your way. Don’t take me as an example, I am a special case, and there is hope for you.",1.6463636363636347,3.8390993434343414,3.944737373737375,84.41377272727273,80.81818181818181,7.394343434343433,23.53636363636364,8.395991825355821,1.6999769696969698,762,27,152,17,20,263,121,198,0.113,0.7020000000000001,0.185,0.9342,0,1,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,3,0,2,10,11,3,0,9,0,15,2,0,0,2,32,32,13,2,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,2,25,8,19,28,4,23,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,7,14,99,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.13084037121457073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188516794942023,0.0,0.0,0.13886393089117058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875003142748717,0.0,0.22066883835814008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597029425321676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070614189063071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367010224041348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646894321164758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372079088503221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200460854412282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281168676401529,0.2410005561186511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779364994973566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254447353459133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770156370229776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237384607124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986937155857669,0.0,0.0,0.2663385673470127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966739405745233,0.0,0.07368552818999963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894059111965337,0.0,0.13438095250132054,0.0,0.11865443373603048,0.11259139378536046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604978417673958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856244398795737,0.0,0.10340889062040133,0.0,0.0,0.12582272045151904,0.0,0.12865104825976126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394407345236412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295250780893076,0.23414273185193346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526096324272334,0.1717870541997514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205918768705935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707452372038036,0.11209485538593043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080964942111124,0.1077664751414213,0.11718970930649507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907518243336746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818171157078663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205974320493007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908242692285836,0.10642453737318053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098415602210798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hiros_Darkness,2018/01/31,"Depressed, Suicidal and want Childhood back !? My mother left me when i was 12 years old, 
And my father is always working. 
I got bulied in school, and i have no friends. 

Im 19 now, and i am depressed, lay in bed whole day, i dont eat much, i need to find a job, i dont feel like doing anything... 

I still feel like im 12 years old and my body gets older, but inside im still 12. it hurts to see other 12 year olds playing and doing stuff with friends. 

And yes i see a psychiatrist, and i use anti-depressants, i also use sleeping medication. 
and talk 2 times every week. 

Im turning 20 in januari and im just not going to survive the day i turn 20, i know i can still do the things i loved then, but its just not the same! 

It has been like this for 2 years now and i want to take an overdose of my sleeping medication, i also game to escape reality. 

Talking doesn't work, medication doesn't work, My mother never loved me, no friends because i dont trust people anymore, im to scared to go outside because of being hurt and bullied,cant work because all of this, play games whole day, only eat once a day, 
waking up is a pain, my father is always working, i cant go back, and i cannot stand getting older anymore, i feel since i look like an adult im not important anymore, i never got attention and love as a kid. 

I want to put it all to an end ! 
I've been fighting depression for 2 years now 
and i cant do this anymore, please no religious answers. 
Thanks...",1.724615384615383,3.2446977712418317,3.8078431372549035,88.72452488687784,77.82352941176471,6.145600804424332,24.841126194067375,6.8449194561589275,0.8763774761186527,1122,40,244,11,26,384,147,306,0.168,0.6920000000000001,0.14,-0.7954,1,0,0,0,2,0,48.0,0,0,0,6,13,22,1,1,11,1,23,13,4,2,4,41,50,22,1,4,7,4,3,4,3,0,4,0,1,2,10,16,2,0,7,4,0,4,16,8,0,0,5,6,33,14,20,44,6,40,0,5,3,3,17,5,0,0,34,142,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138449411951438,0.10548963231496644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25145984935672283,0.0,0.0,0.05216383508450895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748462311715347,0.0,0.11592423631346488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041100934490394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352292338816374,0.0,0.21838778460835293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287468872832975,0.0,0.0,0.12972576593672105,0.0,0.0,0.05614393512957037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340805774957272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615431346084724,0.09057038336718656,0.0,0.0,0.05793649665750904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469228036440976,0.0,0.0662363856662668,0.0,0.10807647326373654,0.0,0.10139612133372787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571870310458875,0.0,0.4792978026387122,0.0,0.06290390895501607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034836996190461766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887245171548173,0.0,0.0,0.12387486576357665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532308860739321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716334355334965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157357342393788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659828829451307,0.047002220654138255,0.09777917637541514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954861810825775,0.0675073316148537,0.0,0.048210273336220084,0.06745048056762666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394602630904485,0.0,0.0,0.06958220559569828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372356209870217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346355579538349,0.06415316185104533,0.10102582470698362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052436125486693186,0.0,0.126869774447236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186787147636865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256536336965731,0.06933739608560052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766072062060165,0.10189952833833943,0.0,0.058360174389635026,0.0,0.0,0.042112906934649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036962698850883935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789829452662952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949567419947713,0.0,0.0,0.11216561541122214,0.0,0.050846919160456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154335147383434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074012926143775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410253747606588
suicidewatch,sepunkz,2018/01/31,"Not immediately suicidal, but I feel like there's really nothing to look forward to 9-5 job, and then I'll go back to uni to finish my studies on a degree I don't enjoy. Not that I'd enjoy any degree. I don't have a passion in life. I'm wasting my life right now playing gachas and I feel like there's really nothing in my future. More of the same. I do have a girlfriend, and we're doing fine, but I have to be honest and say one person isn't enough to keep me here for long. I feel like I'm only kept around because society (and my parents) have spent so much raising me and keeping me alive for 21 years and are still holding out for someone productive and ambitious. I'm done though. I just want to play video games. And when all of those are gone I don't even wanna know.",3.4256363636363645,3.893070715151517,4.992121212121212,85.98818181818184,72.15151515151516,7.696969696969697,26.51515151515152,7.686295010490155,1.3116060606060604,608,19,133,7,11,206,102,165,0.08,0.728,0.192,0.9541,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,12,10,0,0,4,0,14,3,0,0,1,28,29,15,1,2,5,1,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,11,0,4,4,4,1,3,6,0,0,1,4,5,16,10,18,24,5,18,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,0,13,85,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239897169699538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713804293774455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709340153246784,0.0,0.10075575711002853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914319407089498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078283457219529,0.0,0.10916870175238336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250718080021133,0.35423734735278234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393485983400617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640191345700532,0.29382450773304464,0.0,0.0,0.09083591244330996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23349033641084316,0.2422486370288977,0.0,0.0,0.14627137809292864,0.1387971592113152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215029565806086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171894303405352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200089919948616,0.12570613561785626,0.0,0.0,0.1835286221814576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443198495836129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117706719010877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115186380592834,0.0,0.1314406858303906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004482592456746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199623183122675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807941650722219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239095645348856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748894503743473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643765106653737
suicidewatch,TheRedMonsoon,2018/01/31,"Feelings of emptiness For the past year, I've not been able to feel anything. I'm never happy or sad or anywhere in between. It's just like a void inside me where I know feeling is meant to be. It's so fucking draining. I've got no friends, been unemployed for forever, and the only family I have left is my mom who is suffering in a care home with dementia. I've been thinking for a while now, and I've started to think that killing myself can't be any worse than this. At least with death you won't be aware of the lack of experience. It'll just be nothingness. I just end up sleeping most of the day, and my favourite times are those dreamless sleeps. I hate living like this, and surely death is no different from dreamless sleep. I didn't know where else to post, and I'm sorry if this post isn't good enough for this sub.",3.74527450980392,4.696227429411767,4.372647058823528,88.94524509803922,71.76470588235293,7.549019607843138,27.696078431372552,7.793537801064563,1.4468431372549024,653,23,141,8,12,208,107,170,0.191,0.6970000000000001,0.112,-0.9382,3,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,0,7,12,3,0,7,0,18,4,3,0,2,26,33,10,3,2,7,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,8,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,6,3,10,7,21,21,4,18,0,2,0,1,4,7,1,4,11,90,20,1,0.14931169246369475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153707099141517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228708007169213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522332215693947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629368939095803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599893925078331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473075979551,0.0,0.13224584146455567,0.1542788918462646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605548589698195,0.14075777525444166,0.0,0.2264894340720877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535784321378315,0.1380362537061272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523556359328009,0.11941820034590478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589450730672427,0.0,0.14741438421272918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977180167235435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519126534338482,0.0,0.16411560267989336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222759074192025,0.0,0.0,0.1458923018257131,0.0,0.13184495996245835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748720496263974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515838200186496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355827036118632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253490542675798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859986556325247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482585707469317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714221538479634,0.10568358442886668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407245031157346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134580717767413,0.0,0.0,0.08706484860840423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216137067525973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615183457048816
suicidewatch,snow_zeus,2018/01/31,"dont know what the fuck im doing with my life Im 17,   never had any friends really. Feel ugly as shit, like, unusually ugly. Dont do any work in school and honestly cant imagine ever getting a job,  even an easy one. Feel like humans shouldnt have to work for the right to live humanely. Im extremely scared about whats to come once im 20 or so because im not going to let myself stay at my parents' house, and i cant imagine doing anything besides killing myself or being homeless,  or some crazy delusional shit that will never happen like getting big livestreaming (I know, it sounds stupid. I watch alot of ice poseidon and it seems like a dope ass life). I got put in a mental ward back in october for a night (was supposed to be a week but my mom got me out)for telling a therapist If i were to kill myself itd be by hanging and that id been on the brink before. Im now in an outpatient program and it just started but it seems like it wont do anything. Im on Prozac now after Zoloft, Lexapro, and cymbalta and its not gonna do anything just like the other ones. I legit just sit here all day playing video games and am doing nothing with my life, but i dont know what to do because I couldnt even handle a job so fuckit.",2.521100386100386,3.7312083976834,4.267449806949808,87.53244884169888,75.06177606177607,7.033281853281852,26.07741312741313,7.554174236665415,1.288541158301158,961,34,206,12,20,325,145,259,0.12,0.8029999999999999,0.077,-0.9012,3,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,2,13,16,6,1,14,0,27,9,3,0,4,40,44,18,2,3,12,2,2,6,1,4,5,1,0,2,13,11,0,0,9,3,0,4,12,7,0,2,6,4,16,9,23,28,3,27,0,0,1,2,7,10,4,8,17,127,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159917190880063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025705411515028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309452013641177,0.0,0.1000388071951019,0.0,0.06982197575871213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068232156857451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529180913490343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885003005851847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839188766573468,0.07422261011851126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297801332308452,0.058619448836110435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339477616471685,0.07585767176748362,0.08573973690519485,0.0,0.046633222762502265,0.0,0.13125228194310432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256014909555768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467938779560373,0.0,0.0,0.620427384195424,0.0,0.16285202007506785,0.0,0.181561357235205,0.0,0.1352843240716858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390585282602159,0.1738716631394275,0.2405248631752677,0.0,0.07245525308388774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269121005431848,0.0,0.0,0.09610074299834126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265703249491217,0.0,0.0,0.07700219254837154,0.0,0.07873309966672537,0.0,0.0,0.08738491379938128,0.11120393198435134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111134180225472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248701063692128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525659426903891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007373322146906,0.0,0.0,0.08215044529121296,0.08304310634428712,0.0,0.14939789950255036,0.0,0.0,0.16845466130105266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058078297864296885,0.08745872818920121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171887977246068,0.0,0.0,0.09527110744160297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581883095528729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947269028854522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chernobylsss,2018/01/31,"i can't do anything im doing online school right now. im 1 year behind my peers, still working on my sophomore year of highschool instead of junior, and i feel like such a fucking idiot. i turn on my computer and i can sit there for hours trying and trying and trying my best but nothing gets done. im so exhausted and i feel so stupid. i just spent 2 hours reading over the same 4 paragraphs of an assignment and trying to write it up and trying to do anything at all and i got nothing done. i want to work. i want to get to my senior year i want to graduate and go to college. 

i've been doing the same semester for 11 months now and it's going to cost my parents $200 to extend my courses so i can finish. my mom thinks i just sit at the computer and go through social media and im not doing anything because i don't want to, but i spend hours every day trying to do anything at all and i can't. im so frustrated and stupid. my mom keeps telling me i don't have the luxury to not be working and i need to catch up and its costing so much money and im being irresponsible and i hate disappointing her so much. 

 i don't really want kill myself, but i think i should. it would be easier than keeping working backwards like this and it would be less stress on my family. they would miss me and they love me, but realistically i don't have a future and it would be easier to end it now for everyone instead everyone having to go through my life with me. after my grades have plummeted no college will want me and even if they do ill be paying off student loans for the rest of my life because i can't get any scholarships. i could ask for help with feeling suicidal, but my mom would want to send me back to the hospital and that's so expensive and it'll take even longer to finish my schoolwork. 

it seems selfish to stay alive when it would be easier for everyone if i just died now. im so afraid of dying, but i don't think i can stay alive in good conscious . my younger sisters would be better off with a better role model like my older sister without me getting in the way of that, and theyre young enough that they wont miss me much. my older sister is trying to help but there's nothing she can do and its affecting her negatively too. my mom can have just good children and instead of me being a fuckup i can be a sad story that she doesn't have to feel embarrassed of. they'll save money in the long run. i don't have any friends, i haven't seen anyone in months. i don't know how to move past this wall and i don't think i can, and there aren't many options, i can't live like this",2.650549450549452,3.8703875347985353,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,74.75091575091575,7.178021978021977,24.538461538461537,7.7094869923839395,1.1168417582417591,2038,63,440,27,42,686,219,546,0.14800000000000002,0.726,0.126,-0.9024,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,5,7,30,28,7,3,14,0,64,6,0,2,2,87,103,48,4,19,16,8,4,4,1,12,4,0,0,1,18,32,0,2,11,1,10,8,21,16,0,0,6,5,72,12,60,74,11,58,0,4,1,2,28,18,1,4,31,309,90,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037417385061227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132107149201212,0.0,0.1945228279988644,0.0,0.0552464807862399,0.0,0.0,0.045440927954278204,0.0,0.07204835254402933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062017267234065074,0.10453064812389512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04718308952904434,0.0,0.0,0.03811182288525975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266396571289764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095079056906867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052341229410642495,0.061061631745216914,0.0,0.0780642747991106,0.0,0.04979065675741885,0.16940535596107714,0.0,0.0,0.055710145017293385,0.0,0.11952219993277716,0.04221796354932512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565717355723311,0.05463300125134357,0.1235002088645507,0.0,0.1343417406928667,0.09913330040194626,0.047264211493457935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058344746549743434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922117339323992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459201416528575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468343051842234,0.0,0.0,0.10505390623043216,0.06538061099100642,0.0,0.03247743866500495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348204884700344,0.11548465123045827,0.0,0.05218256558851102,0.05229781462726655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333615585882431,0.0,0.0,0.0599137411762114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768485712863101,0.09433921135854373,0.06280935246099931,0.1303263669782437,0.043818695793059116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701116880754903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561875595063886,0.0,0.0564135106355364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911166925919351,0.0,0.03785820400057538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050467385375461166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059807980222873584,0.0,0.05379848498045784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024060073961341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597625778042118,0.047193884092768534,0.0,0.06769389848860863,0.0,0.0,0.06464107916335814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443259465376452,0.0,0.051652226558755884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514644949033877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808545994025323,0.06427912696622816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439931304110283,0.0469073978281951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056966123918864936,0.0,0.1720894271061279,0.0,0.0,0.2938591144658617,0.0,0.0,0.1141670356309145
suicidewatch,asupportmainow,2018/01/31,"Thinking of giving up. All my attempts fail to find one person. Why even try. I just want a chance. Hey. Lost all my closest people. Including my relationship. Can I just have one person to talk to constantly? Dont care about age just need a constant texter. Here is a bit about me.

Been needing constant texting for a while. I have people that come and go but looking for someone I can count on who can count on me!

I love music, I almost always have something playing! Id love to have a shared playlist with you! 

Video and voice calls are important! I love talking :) If we could game that would be even better! I have the ps4 Switch and 3ds!

I have imessage discord and whatsapp!",0.8170454545454541,3.3693117651515188,1.8233939393939416,93.74509090909092,94.22727272727272,3.852121212121212,21.75151515151515,5.6839178017228535,0.2284442424242421,531,20,103,4,20,166,88,132,0.062,0.682,0.256,0.9849,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,4,8,9,0,0,6,0,16,3,0,0,2,22,29,7,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,2,16,7,13,24,3,11,0,2,1,3,16,4,0,2,5,71,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435498704559379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928329725041414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678632971460116,0.1565071261656848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463820393559413,0.0,0.14616053207418372,0.0,0.0,0.12348810828145855,0.0,0.46474924782932797,0.0,0.11445773757936685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801163085422374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893699706497612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102437084643806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751970127504176,0.08147225974209601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038255261903927,0.0,0.15648951152914314,0.0,0.388151928480032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259264004171494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942828544600743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876936924170516,0.2503450644839244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391020580481754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146468790633605,0.11036210210857507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044751340430364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185644466738266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732900481700044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455481453965419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293560816572393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183566595744152,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GregoryKelfish,2018/01/31,"An objective reason to not kill myself ? When I come to think about it, I realise I am just a living waste. But literally, my entire existence is useless, I consume ressources that could have been useful to people more in need than me, I waste an incredible amount of energy and ressources for stupid everyday task. I've still not contributed to society's need in any manner, I'm just draining it.
I am also an ugly manlet and reproducing would produce an inferior offspring that would have to live through an harsh life of bullying and working. Therefore, I cannot even complete my natural biological role without failling.
So from this, I can objectively say that I'm useless. Everydays I'm getting more and more tired of this life of endless working. Every days I feel like I get a new problem in my already long list. The only thing that is preventing me to end this is my family, who is still caring for me. My death would surely surprise them, they have no idea what I'm currently living, because I hide it and I will continue to hide it. I don't want them to be stressed for me, their life are difficult enough. I actually never talked about my problems to anybody, not even my friends, they would consider me as lower if I did.
I'm all alone in this struggle and even through death seem to be preferable to the constant stress I have to support in this world, I still have a duty toward my family for now but when I move out what will be my reasons not to end it all ? Is there a totally objective argument against suicide that is not even partially emotional ?",7.0232480818414285,7.058962849498331,7.37108400550856,73.54213850088533,64.31772575250835,10.781113515640365,37.32067676568956,10.46071229359064,3.9654519378319915,1248,59,226,28,17,408,162,299,0.194,0.7509999999999999,0.055,-0.9857,2,1,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,5,3,17,17,2,3,11,0,29,4,0,5,5,46,46,14,4,12,11,0,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,0,19,8,0,2,7,0,0,2,10,11,0,0,2,2,38,6,37,34,8,27,0,3,0,0,10,8,0,2,18,172,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.10299358835765073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093094921939335,0.11646801902070532,0.08440175255966463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177205443356342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433731176198272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076069159607638,0.0,0.0,0.09091492964223886,0.11065858663012798,0.11405320926768385,0.0,0.08426655249524459,0.0,0.0,0.0680657404147577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872033807275192,0.18695744597574596,0.10905290959669448,0.0,0.2788374977570354,0.0,0.08892353242021199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899086331460605,0.0,0.053365113621812885,0.07539909482785374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154134565471305,0.0,0.11028248613364082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914386428501098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676638268575873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364191880375595,0.0515624004407132,0.0,0.2795860728743087,0.09340118643486353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217424821426944,0.0,0.15651583930492807,0.08140035536595054,0.10193294409164952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026930737871568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316940663814166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019785293994029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702913074554545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393108865475399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608130590896892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528574930797871,0.0,0.2417955885269743,0.11033522223778126,0.0,0.1154456171700104,0.1197676026879221,0.09947191305737606,0.0,0.0,0.08483051428575054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011729321204517,0.06762693445013444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213047922898271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115424286916776,0.0,0.0,0.062251297892296276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017385448806762,0.0,0.1536713988831584,0.0,0.0,0.2998955133230901,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Youngbeetle,2018/01/31,"Someone inside me wants to die Someone inside me is calm, patient and lonely. He just stand there while we live, and sometimes we all tend to agree with him. I don't know how to hold us alive, and i think i'm the only one searching for a reason to not suicide. Last year i started production Engineering degree, i liked It but part of me is confused. I have a girlfriend, my sister is going to have a baby and idk.
We just can't fit in our life. I would like to write more, but they didn't like the Idea of me writing here.",3.899384010484926,4.200191834862388,4.8810222804718215,87.80247706422018,71.0183486238532,6.962516382699869,26.580602883355173,6.18269132825596,0.8714786369593708,406,12,88,2,7,133,76,109,0.103,0.755,0.14300000000000002,0.5393,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,5,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,2,1,25,16,8,2,2,5,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,18,4,11,14,3,8,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,1,7,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380528690839765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303579116483346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25893409799894296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260573536779168,0.1869695370709468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201287093189304,0.33618005582321986,0.0,0.20254048338177413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542902121939506,0.17444843532511184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483885111981433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583355528347716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886938475650371,0.0,0.22685567477088894,0.0,0.16235132751252787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508967367244326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697290017713638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759073708934893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529008619735616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293993547684008,0.0,0.0,0.14770863488066802
suicidewatch,JamesQPost,2018/01/31,"Extreme Boredom So I feel very different than a lot of posts on here, yet feel like I'm in the same result. On paper I have a very good life; steady job, married, have a good relationship with family, no money issues at all. Yet I find myself constantly bored which has made me really start to contemplate suicide and how. I know that the obvious advice is to find groups or clubs and do stuff, yet I've attempted that, but due to a combination of factors (I don't live in a city or near a city, so as much as I'd like to play soccer and basketball, I've spent years looking for an adult league and have failed to find one) this has been impossible. I just feel every day is exactly the same. I go to work, go home, cook dinner, talk to my wife, watch some tv or play a game, read, go to bed, get up and do it again. I just don't want to do any of this anymore. Part of me feels like its disgraceful though to kill myself when people out there have so many worse problems (being abused, money issues, etc). My whole life I've been relatively well liked and never needed anything and yet here I am. Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there as I feel like my mind is right at that point.",5.080670194003524,4.75574332510288,5.844306290417403,84.07675925925928,68.42386831275722,9.247383891828335,25.999118165784825,8.841846274778883,1.5445216931216932,920,21,202,14,14,302,144,243,0.126,0.765,0.109,-0.7652,2,0,0,0,1,2,33.0,0,0,0,3,20,14,1,0,11,0,18,4,0,3,4,42,36,20,2,4,7,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,10,10,2,0,9,8,3,4,4,4,1,1,4,7,18,10,31,31,9,29,0,1,2,0,6,12,0,5,17,131,28,5,0.0,0.13323381226718728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988397275738014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764692535600536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151930510332833,0.0,0.0,0.09253603953125138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151754394743686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252037584275786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748539054939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254104866836974,0.0,0.0,0.09474322843010233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060070169582791,0.0,0.28428825376490424,0.2410010085162088,0.0,0.0,0.3083293590079759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058750020895617365,0.0,0.19172226862018696,0.1886339634114608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279562987588695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347353196245673,0.1115883944556873,0.0,0.1244082839115717,0.0,0.061799092252478136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885226945808678,0.2746847853655729,0.0,0.0992946278195948,0.0,0.0944289347215524,0.0,0.0,0.09560021549896444,0.0,0.10640207056654764,0.0,0.1140057520031413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354154949445755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826630373461603,0.08337959318868361,0.08672768897982755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619842984798818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177143236887468,0.0,0.07795805697926607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630075948965477,0.0,0.10769516739973263,0.0,0.0,0.10759861550728388,0.0,0.11304241821722966,0.0,0.0,0.11247954432081196,0.0,0.07203778184840852,0.0,0.0,0.12072826552296607,0.0,0.0960309289389898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959206165706341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872733230782624,0.12300107947923065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038233833129998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048068356334786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855645913372113,0.13265080177898114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110525807591184,0.0,0.0,0.12554541998445018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186429424980403,0.0,0.11459525395602088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241354262283818
suicidewatch,jayka_,2018/01/31,"A girl at my school attempted suicide two days before I planned to A junior at my school committed suicide this Monday. 

I didn't know her too well, but some of the people in my classes are absolutely crushed. Some people are joking about it and calling her stupid, some sobbing, a memorial outside of the entrance.

I don't know how to feel about this. I comforted one of my friends who was close with her and I'd feel like absolute shit for making my friends and people I've known hurt so much. And so close to another's...",3.98468446601942,5.591816631067964,4.668143203883496,84.52609830097089,72.00970873786406,7.868446601941748,30.350728155339805,8.472884824447931,2.2877970873786406,415,18,81,7,8,133,66,103,0.21600000000000005,0.613,0.17,-0.8301,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,2,0,5,0,5,1,1,2,1,19,10,8,2,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,4,1,2,2,2,12,6,13,8,4,7,0,2,0,0,8,5,2,3,3,55,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081493670649975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296090757747214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555312564819607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350810901294484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366642397566627,0.1368147847467895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959203072446404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501541962220515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049777897923933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356211415309837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783441441793494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407818879762502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297721346713123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398306769150346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387636695492078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658226649258004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189617209367456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707744590148148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219049254925606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OscarTheBug,2018/02/01,"It just makes sense If we’re all going to die one day, doesn’t it make sense to go as you please? I’d rather die a peaceful death amongst my loved ones rather than live long enough to see them go. It just makes sense to me to die on my own terms instead of living life where I just slowly lose everything (health and family) or die unexpectedly. Idk these thoughts have been haunting me lately can’t seem to get them out of my mind.",7.741179775280898,5.397848483146071,6.87626404494382,85.39282303370787,64.16853932584269,10.248314606741573,30.115168539325843,8.07648339933343,1.614975280898876,341,7,79,3,4,104,65,89,0.24,0.672,0.08800000000000001,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,3,1,16,15,4,5,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,2,1,9,1,12,13,4,10,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,3,4,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098776576493999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6358303368891575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825689988873667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376517913968423,0.0,0.1443871477194747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002062683186588,0.0,0.2611358409535339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280364375437711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277298270124813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108182584294611,0.0,0.0,0.270489039426147,0.1355432171940827,0.0,0.17134867961181344,0.0,0.0,0.1382343451517933,0.0,0.3067097192702209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546495783916494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075725600463516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812546916934948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204998412792575,0.13943258980112233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159322083992873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GameOfSuffering,2018/02/01,"Now it was your turn, but you let me down You left me. I need, or needed, you. Through the last two and a half years I helped you grow. I helped you with the toxic people in your life, your eating disorder and your ability saying no. Now it was your turn helping me, with my discipline, social behaviour and trust. Which is kind of ironic, I trusted you the most. You know everything about me, my deepest secrets. You wouldn't have known them if I didn't trust you. The only thing I had trouble with was you and other guys. But if you look at our history, that isn't strange. Instead of helping me, like I helped you, you threw me away like garbage. Every day gets worse. Soon I'll probably receive a letter from my uni telling me I've failed. My best friend is gone. You're not here. And every day I'm here, all alone, with my failing grades and negative thoughts.

I'll probably cry myself to sleep tonight, just like every day since you broke up with me and every day until I end it all.

Goodnight.",2.22081195450939,4.361838000000001,2.903782068235916,92.89868288812485,78.54773869346734,5.998518910341178,23.036498280878078,7.0608816371341465,0.6858482412060294,778,25,164,9,19,243,116,199,0.168,0.653,0.179,0.4212,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,19,1,3,8,13,0,0,6,0,11,3,1,0,2,30,22,13,0,5,7,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,7,12,1,1,4,0,0,4,6,4,0,2,8,2,43,9,17,12,4,22,0,3,1,0,34,6,0,4,15,112,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263601269066828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462747933286928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803645865234758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401648962461368,0.31473188372504185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982801417540305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248413183759574,0.0,0.0,0.10805999609682408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111770575852007,0.0,0.10965000292120557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426056766223877,0.0,0.06374244662443289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080388464657756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088860628634137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704917314569958,0.06705062022600661,0.09945015549039324,0.0,0.0,0.13255851850031536,0.12475812355603702,0.08617556345292705,0.17881607532515773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245326281644994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092995329617215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279011057055256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845827322304163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630835126731914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702307458363026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092359045278776,0.0,0.1220928609647154,0.12436847880897064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663752959529343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810545350710067,0.0,0.0,0.09685814390791013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654122681981004,0.11918091334568115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243332640116542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856705929898128
suicidewatch,milibili,2018/02/01,"If you knew that you would get better eventually, but it would take a decade at the least, would you stay? Four years ago I made a promise to myself that I would get better. Every single day was a battle and I did get better in many ways, although the process was excruciating and uncomfortable.

But it might as well be compared to having scratched the surface. The underlying and lingering problems built over the course of my entire life is just too much.

It feels like building a pyramid by hand while watching others construct shiny modern buildings with advanced tools. There's no end in sight and no guarantee that my construction is sound or that the building will ever be completed. Four years is a long time but it feels like a speck in the grand scheme of things.

Anyone else have this problem? How are you dealing with it?",6.70038961038961,7.782752285714286,5.893922077922081,80.23516883116886,65.1038961038961,8.237922077922079,30.984415584415583,8.238735603445708,2.199555324675325,668,24,119,8,10,202,103,154,0.139,0.6709999999999999,0.19,0.8177,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,4,6,11,1,0,13,0,17,2,1,2,1,25,25,13,0,7,6,0,4,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,1,2,5,8,10,8,14,12,3,20,0,0,3,0,5,7,0,3,12,90,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342230899944211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587511957761607,0.15514583013417746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40175125438540005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587590920851441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976522064796368,0.15610550584928926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649046876229506,0.0,0.13411157364983814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369664223326662,0.1275763562679836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531231736392506,0.2163463713651428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373292652380011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069511460511074,0.14795055908421545,0.0,0.0,0.1340003339066419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327555316804136,0.0,0.15351427933324469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063077190212424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130979255628463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897735180309225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139164444248544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384763517133055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059551769822972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829316466323442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201887118318076,0.0,0.0,0.13614313802252415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302525530596229,0.0,0.0,0.19501670072587032
suicidewatch,denko90001,2018/02/01,"school is going to kill me I'm on my last year in high school and I honestly can't do this anymore. The terms changed recently so I have a few different classes and there's more people in most of them, but the reason I'm so nervous is because I got told last week that they want me to go to school every wednesday/thursday/and even saturday for the rest of the year basically until may in order to make up things that I failed. I have to go 5:30 to 7:30 on wednesdays and thursdays in order to make up english and 4 hours from 8 to 12 on saturday to make up gym. Even though I don't feel like this is the right idea I might just lie to them and tell them I have a job so hopefully they'll let me leave earlier, since it makes me sick to think I'll be sitting in a room for 2 hours + doing gym shit for 4 hours. I also heard that if you don't have good attendance in these things then you won't graduate so the people there don't even care about your mental state, they just want you to go anyway. The only other class I care about is government which I have this term and my teacher is the same one as I had last year, so I tried explaining to her what was going on and how I might be absent a lot for the rest of the year to go home and rest for the 5:30 to 7:30 thing, but she said I'll probably fail if I do that. This is just making me really nervous since I need that class to graduate and I also have to do those things on Wednesday and Thursday plus the gym thing. Is there any way to get out of this easily or will I be stuck in school forever? Every day I'm nervous about this since I don't know what to expect and I feel like shit all day because of how socially awkward I am.",6.412668935342733,4.2434359807162565,6.943156700696808,83.31548371414684,66.60330578512398,10.5246475449684,30.71933236104359,9.007467420416297,2.094991379030951,1323,34,308,18,17,437,164,363,0.158,0.8059999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9931,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,4,6,2,23,16,3,4,16,0,35,3,2,8,1,47,66,30,1,7,8,0,2,2,0,6,1,2,2,0,23,13,0,0,7,3,0,7,6,9,0,1,7,4,40,7,52,49,11,55,0,2,0,0,18,19,2,9,26,212,63,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561185314540916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765959242912784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408814498480319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337347045333764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289656721743635,0.0,0.08969577588483046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936409391303216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858671191467538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680074849624546,0.0,0.14287718742825994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574397725276478,0.1211469035297993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442988796455785,0.0,0.2891260827999638,0.07111719378857381,0.067813702850922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958448992590354,0.08505052349337773,0.0842148493150473,0.25050097303299873,0.0,0.0,0.09571673417073692,0.0,0.0,0.08414023996040124,0.0,0.09380673422573704,0.0,0.046597950233286715,0.20734364785651307,0.0,0.08977956517950715,0.0,0.08670274507628795,0.0,0.08284748200515997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208478185913147,0.0,0.0,0.2829873887522483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544761377082233,0.1798959742634184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287014893365478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057455385063018616,0.06448603965084153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756436954000404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141714416229016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431815988128689,0.0871774628913513,0.08371914789234496,0.0,0.0,0.0724095497919858,0.08065398613363964,0.0,0.0,0.3432449602599762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740698778901872,0.21041561268628872,0.0,0.0,0.08643195494084609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410953515915107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165102564972283,0.05432952293758795,0.08330500023190776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810197547467761,0.0,0.057566329927588575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002178404901534,0.06730175406124142,0.06801281590413395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840596891419156
suicidewatch,FunhausGaveMeHIV,2018/02/01,My weight I can only distract myself for so long. My weight is my biggest issue. I always been overweight. Food gives me happiness and comfort. I try to distract myself for those bad thoughts I have and it worked....until today. I feel like ending it because I can't seem to get help from family and friends. I can't afford programs. I can't work because my back and feet kill me. I don't know where to start. Someone please help me. ,1.045253699788585,3.592328662790699,2.277695560253701,92.65768498942921,87.95348837209303,4.057505285412264,21.77167019027484,5.565023196281405,0.18243255813953496,339,12,66,2,11,108,56,86,0.16,0.635,0.205,0.5106,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,2,0,0,8,5,1,0,0,8,15,5,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,18,4,6,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,42,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722463113893964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529374664564526,0.15776846292755942,0.2303688668352285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735691077355075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812875000878384,0.0,0.0955406778501324,0.13498857474923595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848358728407506,0.0,0.14598517473180972,0.0,0.0987205195033925,0.18126162510343027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011447476655777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25330339000888397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972185911244573,0.0,0.0,0.2090492944691377,0.0,0.1038440225041321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231324277874464,0.0,0.0,0.16721809546276206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370781803017554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074144419416162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201636935176784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009987309781376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374241498725134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000814670734813,0.0,0.0,0.1791060320204972,0.0,0.0,0.1282871720870362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601894511077833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756055800351416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,largerpenis,2018/02/01,"I think it's for tonight I'm going to take the sleeping pills, and i guess we'll see if i wake up...

I'm just very tired.",-1.6545977011494273,-0.20823668965516795,0.7937931034482766,106.58885057471264,88.3103448275862,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-1.4087333333333332,92,2,27,0,3,31,24,29,0.132,0.868,0.0,-0.4927,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291571366402371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441882546030302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32131121627289616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40350753536676104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031685047949846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583647478118697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634378642646002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326957065448604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReciprocativeKeg,2018/02/01,This is the end My mom caught me smoking weed a few months back and she was so disappointed in me because all of my life shes always told me not to do drugs. Today since i was in a “good mood” she asked if i had been smoking. I have not done it since she caught me. All of the trust has been broke. Not only do i feel like shit for her thinking that but also that she assumed i had because i was in a good mood. I guess i can be fucking depressed all of the time from now on or i can just end this shit right now,-0.01107655502392646,1.6142956754385978,1.80444976076555,100.58433014354068,83.47368421052632,4.496331738437002,18.25837320574163,4.851557810540192,-0.845621052631579,393,9,101,1,11,129,69,114,0.139,0.778,0.08199999999999999,-0.831,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,3,0,6,0,17,5,2,0,3,15,25,6,0,1,7,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,11,1,21,4,10,13,4,15,0,3,0,1,9,5,3,4,9,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656337371393316,0.15249784040642486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713355404816998,0.0,0.0,0.14092564522182902,0.0,0.2234430727218722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785278985749346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755193795983588,0.0,0.0,0.21253852632819314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246510077355982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266834933920652,0.13093028731998316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943296051298434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074414399320906,0.0,0.0,0.20189590195040036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945115920653827,0.08953794365866365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464715452400634,0.14628678186103794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393873958575538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651416392402173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762542576304567,0.3032106841410049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117433955650815,0.0,0.0,0.10686797605897287,0.0,0.1737214003240562,0.17512523157441925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsPharah,2018/02/01,"Wish me luck. Time to go to bed, past midnight where I live. I used to pray every night (and, later, when I stopped believing in any gods, I just wished into the night) that I'd wake up being the person I wanted to be. Well, now I just hope I peacefully fade away and never walk up in the morning. Wish me luck; if I am so lucky, I apologize for not replying to anyone.",3.397272727272725,3.6592204155844215,4.974441558441558,86.82737662337664,72.11688311688313,8.237922077922079,24.49090909090909,8.238735603445708,1.2087111688311691,280,7,63,4,5,95,54,77,0.022,0.657,0.321,0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,1,18,10,5,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,11,5,12,8,0,19,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,5,10,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320108884644965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573592358421346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823857661333748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187111256344864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635577330597365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032506896863883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280880442656387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714149338194093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497202959841672,0.0,0.0,0.36434420356924335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531319959170567,0.0,0.16950147567145868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229624770167358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319518976270335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676606958437581,0.0,0.0,0.11449928816566078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454067256654385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6696986109567491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mitty101,2018/02/01,"The darkness has overcome me. The darkness has overcome me.
",3.677999999999997,6.505024800000001,2.8800000000000026,83.32000000000005,101.0,2.0,45.0,3.1291,3.187000000000001,48,4,6,0,2,14,5,10,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suhkatstic,2018/02/01,"I feel worthless and empty I’m 18, I start University in two weeks and two days ago I had a Suicide attempt, taking 1.2 grams of codine.
My mother visited me in hospital, we had an arguement and she told me that she didn’t want me as her daughter anymore and that I was now homeless.
I’ve been staying at my boyfriends house for the past two days but that’s only an extremely temporary solution.

I want to use the last of my money to just get on a bus and go to the middle of nowhere and just stay there for a few days. I want to disappear... to just cease to exist.
I’m tired of being a disappointment. Tired of failing to kill myself... I just want out..",2.4996969696969704,4.00115103703704,4.317845117845117,85.96484848484846,75.66666666666666,7.575757575757577,26.346801346801357,8.296473431620573,1.676407407407408,510,19,108,9,11,173,83,135,0.203,0.736,0.062,-0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,9,0,6,2,0,1,0,19,19,8,2,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,4,0,3,6,1,18,0,20,12,1,20,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,0,9,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082568198472076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575530081712492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073675008237229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032774150970808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300125716934734,0.0,0.09028756688222116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331076111765246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576238798770952,0.0,0.0,0.12949750705404695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082523087977134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165617441898574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244661835906312,0.33866137929313445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377430806538735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944793452465367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651876417991233,0.0,0.15180387299491924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655688397042568,0.0,0.0,0.1372097604925686,0.0,0.0,0.37481461774249936,0.0,0.1274332278566766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Wanna_Feel,2018/02/01,"There is nothing. You know, I feel guilty for it almost. 'cause there is nothing. Nothing good, but nothing extraordinarily bad either. I've never had a crippling drug addiction, or been raped, or abused, or anything like that. It's just all empty. Then I feel bad for feeling this way when others have it worse, and then I feel bad for feeling bad, and then I feel bad for allowing me to spiral this when, back to the first one, there's so much worse out there.

But ever since I was little, there was just nothing. I never had a dream or goal. Nothing I really wanted. I just wanted to exist in a bubble and be left alone. Sure, sometimes I crave someone being there. Someone sharing their life with me, or just a moment. Sometimes I feel like I wanna do something. But it all passes so quickly. It's fleeting. Even when I'm excited, say, for something mundane like a video game, I'll play it for 20 minutes, then turn it off and just have nothing in my head. Well, there was one thing when I was little, and that was to be a girl, but my family was pretty traditional and I didn't even know what it was then. When the whole gender identity stuff started to be more visible, I was already way too far gone in the other direction. 

And now there is nothing. Zero drive. Zero passion. Zero energy. I always feel tired and disappointed. 

I'll start a job, and do my best. I get my suit ready and go the interview. I get it. Maybe not. When I get it, I attend, do my job the best I can for a few days, and then I feel deflated. It's no fun. It's not fullfilling. It's not even bearable. I hate being with people there, always, no matter who. Because I don't want them to be with me. I don't want me to be there, with them, or anywhere. I quit. I can barely get up in the morning and get ready. When I'm off-work, I won't shower for days because I can't get the energy together. Then once I can, I'll start it all over. After a while I can't sustain the quitting anymore, and I freak out over how to handle the situation? I don't want to take benefits, I don't want to leech off of anyone either. But that's where it usually ends, until I can get a new job. And then it all repeats.

I can't talk to people. I feel so awkward and unhappy, I never feel sincere when I speak. I hate it. And I hate myself. After a while I start to cry. I crack up at the tiniest things and sob on my own for a while. It's not cathartic. I just feel like an idiot for crying at first world problems and my own mind. I'm selfish and yet I still go through and keep crying, keep being sad, keep writing this text. I genuinely wish someone who has it much worse and I could trade places. They'd cherish my life, and I could waste away in peace. 

I don't know what to do with life. So many options and I want none. It doesn't feel like I actually can have any. 

I just want to die. It sounds so dramatic but I don't know what else to say. I just want to stop worrying and feeling bad and struggling and disappointing. I just want there to be nothing.",0.7283301860069891,2.9130299245585896,2.6810015579265425,92.15924381550371,84.42536115569823,5.334047776413937,20.55823340572184,6.661559191721324,0.2971199320177509,2325,71,504,26,68,776,243,623,0.174,0.645,0.182,0.8182,4,1,3,0,1,1,99.0,0,1,4,7,46,38,5,2,23,0,51,9,1,3,9,114,105,64,1,15,27,0,14,5,0,1,6,4,1,1,37,33,0,4,18,4,1,6,22,20,1,7,13,18,72,18,55,79,16,78,0,4,0,2,16,25,1,8,50,364,109,6,0.0,0.06104563697132561,0.05027844501028205,0.05616703753175848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051592256397459714,0.05336168377093238,0.05685626632848573,0.0,0.08574155359571356,0.0,0.0,0.035037009095963106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051096391364828436,0.03602567064419143,0.0,0.042398557692402083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484070050684332,0.03961755697849506,0.25811438745617243,0.06281517215035318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813919208552636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292771288424386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822729121957712,0.0,0.16978486128113082,0.06645539088595727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053472132608389636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059749644315471175,0.0,0.04304036666441922,0.0,0.0456335671795052,0.0,0.0,0.1020902079052113,0.04660497423714891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857074764678188,0.0,0.3647179366096381,0.11042287108095544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764988005039161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884283479272957,0.0,0.05856275175371685,0.04321455738197146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260315479182626,0.05287686218376656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338414105784667,0.1373864697509697,0.0,0.0,0.113261487804214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055979254837097016,0.0,0.10917541660478844,0.12585624777699878,0.10327799085324747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223564222173605,0.05176119112370906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052022951934307685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574980679320564,0.0,0.11921178851072653,0.049760669629756116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449343223241247,0.0,0.0,0.05486969064861726,0.0698258438624727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143831080660651,0.0,0.05382995786782556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052416818872687086,0.0,0.04929999306559335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960086111005174,0.0,0.0,0.033006578466122094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194538500643833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261987424835302,0.057913353358073766,0.0,0.0,0.13096432553642673,0.0793289447139687,0.10191397206000903,0.0,0.1458713225730633,0.0,0.041145867310698685,0.043075046104954696,0.0,0.05386241505360122,0.05898083874228435,0.0,0.0,0.04855926655701695,0.0,0.03873844416577677,0.041411765680977215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845840653283262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921743698693746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056041592673344715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674466128013912,0.0,0.3038925536828337,0.08179218998526164,0.0,0.0,0.04632483883308012,0.0,0.0,0.057522936568188535,0.05924823473925293,0.0,0.0,0.03750893187433088,0.052323513564869945,0.15751722823048667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scada1971,2018/02/01,"Stacking Insulin I've tested before, and can stack my Lantus, followed four hours later, when I am getting around 50, then add 100 units of Humalog, once I get about 45, I start to go low quick. I figure if I hit the Lantus around 2AM, then when we get up, I'll be low, follow that with 100 units Humalog around 7am, without anything to eat, but put 40 carbs in my pump which will give me about 8 units of Humalog. She leaves at 7AM for her Sunday routine, and won't get home until around 1PM. If I'm passed out by 8-9AM, glucose to the brain should be almost 10 by 9AM, and a few hours in a coma, I'll be dead. I have put my will together, left notes for my GF and my kids (they are adults). I'll also take an ambien to put me to sleep, so I can't do the Fight or Die response. I also have a DNR done, and my Life Ins policy is over two years old, and in this state, and the company I work for they will pay it. Though without the note it will look like a episode of severe hypoglycemia, so she will also get the full policy, not just what I bought. I have tried to go on from these last two years, and things just keep getting worse. She loves me, and I love her, but I have nothing to bring this relationship anymore, and she deserves better. It will look natural, and the notes are more of things I want people to know if I died, not an actual note where I am saying I've committed suicide of my own accord. From what I've read, and questioned my Doctor on, this will work, the only issue is if she gets home earlier I may be rescued but basically brain dead, where the DNR and living will come into play.",8.874585533869118,4.797705698507464,8.83134328358209,77.64400688863377,63.65671641791045,12.098737083811713,34.42594718714122,9.265573868473778,2.6994362801377725,1239,29,279,15,13,408,181,335,0.118,0.784,0.098,-0.8393,1,0,0,0,1,2,47.0,1,0,2,3,19,8,1,0,15,0,29,10,3,0,1,46,55,32,5,6,14,0,0,1,1,11,4,1,2,2,13,23,1,1,3,2,2,10,6,3,0,3,2,3,38,5,41,37,4,47,0,2,2,2,20,21,0,8,16,181,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.09272783026429472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515087416083118,0.0,0.0,0.2279673378749759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423635724268804,0.0,0.0,0.07819506471108965,0.3383591418037967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085678028512475,0.0,0.0,0.08403929634816783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215210484460306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185309686541847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972358069294553,0.0,0.0,0.09725911197302936,0.0,0.09724056546680464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723129679483633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475157567027097,0.09115382514171633,0.10800646088633324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062976159238754,0.0,0.1871551904543728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991783504081263,0.0,0.08445997912275205,0.0,0.0,0.05222164296470814,0.07745566700648751,0.0,0.1006146488173601,0.103241753793191,0.0,0.06711689603694113,0.046422982171306,0.0,0.08390622601904843,0.0,0.15958920867058202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715222506983449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117623601656538,0.0,0.0997096748523484,0.10119540013774976,0.0,0.07226856378864227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587633684263955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28657026772609256,0.10644646182748667,0.0,0.0950477812903306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201813890941096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556536156065845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734788871951267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095090690769869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725710807691562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039387185590982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714447687189293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262568780685721,0.0,0.09335869834416048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451374606000743,0.0,0.1856455043657292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056046477035481414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831957633764856,0.0,0.13835439292232146,0.0,0.09683560420422532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238219141504912
suicidewatch,justgirlypasta,2018/02/01,"I feel so stuck I have never thought I’d be one to consider ending my life... I have PMDD but I honestly think it’s bipolar or BPD.. I will have good days then suddenly just want to kill myself and feel so empty...
I am 21 and not living w/ my parents and can’t talk to them b/c they will LITERALLY just tell me I feel like this because I don’t go to mass anymore.. I am so frustrated w/ them and feeling rejected by them because I’m not catholic. I love my boyfriend but I feel like I haven’t ended stuff because I’m dating him.. I need to vent.. I don’t know why I get suicidal thoughts randomly.. my day has been fine ",-0.966917293233081,1.148747195488724,1.690375939849627,95.4112030075188,95.84210526315788,5.2060150375939855,21.285714285714285,6.8360192770164,0.5830691729323303,479,19,111,8,19,164,82,133,0.203,0.6609999999999999,0.136,-0.9408,1,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,4,0,5,9,2,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,1,24,31,11,2,2,7,1,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,4,5,26,6,6,24,0,10,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,2,10,66,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558864931510456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30534875071527506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029194983817912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536273154678426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957704272590062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221233975002165,0.2385657589168149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723455188611197,0.0,0.09489248363778563,0.14004590141284162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847267580930468,0.0,0.09176194386708016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793533288174415,0.1631455022211652,0.0,0.1474369239447672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069628459577072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380559763858273,0.12877699393018827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314269817920106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539961424538765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113986647459302,0.18263728057123405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420357410184486,0.14593850096933256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069871659411091,0.0,0.2651098985927028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848280114727688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066379527172113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mintie-verse,2018/02/01,"I am going to kill myself tonight. I'm 13, and my parents fight all the time. They rarely notice my feelings and only care about my grades and making me a ""perfect child"". I recently told my mom that I was suicidal and she told me ""Good, one less child to deal with. I don't care."" Tonight, I've decided to take her advice. I'm done. I'm going to kill myself once my parents are gone tonight.

EDIT: I'm not dead yet. I would but it turns out my parents stayed home. I'll update later if I'm still alive then and if things get better or worse.",-0.35999999999999943,1.8655865087719328,1.5547017543859667,97.45257894736844,91.80701754385963,4.092631578947368,17.249122807017542,5.6839178017228535,-0.5398940350877188,418,11,94,3,15,137,75,114,0.122,0.7609999999999999,0.118,-0.1227,3,0,0,0,1,2,19.0,0,0,1,2,3,8,3,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,2,18,23,10,4,3,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,5,1,18,5,7,17,2,15,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,3,10,52,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651342237076478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260412454198414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30573468672712417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545750041601925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343417441612414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581095578127812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833414109240718,0.0,0.17042149105312582,0.1257572276522853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039567051394528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33175872676907586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008187211616336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756004726126263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707004482872357,0.0,0.15967443834070896,0.10159891798740564,0.11403129309171532,0.0,0.0,0.4994507070914931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804138604867895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980931598404016,0.11973720236461208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640030721276426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273144137034055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960925133359977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742751398091166,0.0,0.0,0.2865360456238827,0.0,0.0,0.16308475094456562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279519317721327,0.1065085594151506,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alicenyans,2018/02/01,"sorry im at the point where if someone frowned at me, i'd feel terrible about existing for a week or so.",6.862173913043478,3.8757395652173936,8.25826086956522,76.8204347826087,66.3913043478261,12.678260869565218,40.39130434782609,11.20814326018867,4.20755652173913,82,4,19,2,1,29,21,23,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771265194450305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864598957731272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257303551331664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815837138634142,0.0,0.0,0.5041347373189687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361247032665358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaybeags,2018/02/01,"What am I suppose to do anyways. Fuck if I know. I’m sick of this. I’m in pain everyday because of progressive damages from lupus. I can’t eat without being ill. I don’t have much support. I’m stuck in a situation I wish I never got myself in. I have to work 40 hours and go to school full time in hopes that I can just work 40 hours and make it. I work through all of my trials of sickness, but my body aches so much at the end of the day; is it worth it? It’s dehumanized me. I have no energy, I have rashes, my blood pools to my legs and causes me to look purple. I have a hard time gaining weight, I stand 5’8 and 116-118 pounds. This past year I got diagnosed with neuropathy, it causes me to faint, no divest my food properly, and messes with my sleep. My neurologist told me I can’t drive anymore. I’m only 21. I’ve been so scared of death prior to this, but this has to be worse. I’m on kidney disease watch because of protein in my urine and abnormal antibody screenings. 
If I said I didn’t have anyone that would be a true statement. People get so mad when I talk about myself. I just try to talk about the positive, but I need help. Help is too negative. Help means dragging there selves into my emotions. If you could avoid that I know you would. 
It’s all just taking a toll on me. I wish I had someone. Crying out just makes others let me know that I am a fool...",0.8021034482758651,2.7526125206896555,2.836206896551726,92.53948275862072,82.41379310344827,5.793103448275862,20.344827586206893,6.953978226594392,0.31120689655172473,1061,30,239,13,29,357,158,290,0.18,0.696,0.124,-0.961,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,0,5,13,11,2,2,8,0,26,17,7,4,4,42,52,16,1,10,11,0,2,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,16,10,3,1,5,1,1,2,9,8,0,0,8,7,43,3,33,37,5,26,0,1,4,1,9,11,1,4,12,158,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161850507970986,0.08191663367985046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428316906962806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013141809064616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406983681537633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353774530221176,0.0,0.12868790538572156,0.07555448398202076,0.0,0.0,0.1189086013883916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987754501251552,0.0,0.13178221270495458,0.10376345920297507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416627928785083,0.0,0.0,0.108306764291005,0.0612080048002755,0.0,0.06658118220856392,0.0,0.18739712980700532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494675854812707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355770895896223,0.0,0.0,0.11636011886463996,0.2307457115928489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315392969627992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979765807364345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837965334498874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640209041624256,0.0,0.0,0.12761479057457312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224298849795208,0.0868680293613083,0.09035620281439057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910071442164391,0.12465986170096142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183652113713748,0.08121966687101255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144005469045536,0.0,0.11729135243998348,0.11856586071336428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168573595922695,0.11723836808521867,0.0,0.0992640015509413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294469969341105,0.0,0.0,0.08808504833668998,0.18832751083685206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366266003761286,0.0,0.0,0.11194543918793626,0.0,0.07953971357137403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266171953984394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694420869633809,0.11293204500093165,0.0,0.2558679999952288,0.0,0.11938969122566148,0.1664453410745283,0.0,0.0,0.07544318107288152
suicidewatch,SluggySlug,2018/02/01,"I am afraid of myself I've reached a new low in my life. I've been down before,thought of suicide,but I've never went through with it. These last few weeks I've been thinking about it more and more. I feel like if things keep going the way they do, I will end up doing something irreversible. I have never cut myself up until 2 months ago, but thats not helping me cope anymore. I try punching myself,ripping out my hair, and just about anything to feel something. Its progressively getting worse and I'm afraid of what the last thing will be that will set me over the edge. Ending it all is sounding better every time I think about it.",3.515625,5.039603062500003,3.7832500000000016,90.73675000000004,73.0625,5.745000000000001,25.3,5.6839178017228535,0.557425625,504,16,103,2,10,156,88,128,0.078,0.853,0.069,-0.27,0,0,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,1,2,4,0,11,2,1,0,3,17,20,6,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,4,13,2,16,13,4,23,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,1,13,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701399396105912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868519774547562,0.0,0.0,0.15504528078098445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663323122859616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33375046800953817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874345312867225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053139663635346,0.13460005861203486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984363879391383,0.0,0.10707767885450092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628717358176228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746736160685116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071584040110437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330794728496449,0.09204755225965046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038697169082324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906266349301023,0.18196743980227226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900942668019243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503423097480482,0.24145089172549794,0.0,0.14957640212588486,0.10986331837898493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791794353088395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955099597915175,0.15113104405205313,0.0,0.0,0.174657849853514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200576786927467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sofiaskat,2018/02/01,"I’m getting help Last year I had a horrible experience with a psychologist and vowed to myself to never seek help again, that I can fix myself. Of course I was wrong. The last while I’ve been suicidal again, and things are bad enough that I gave in today and phoned a psychiatrist to make an appointment. By some luck they have an opening tomorrow, so I’ll be going. I’m afraid, but hopefully this is the start to recovery. Just wanted to share this here. ",4.031749598715892,5.721839269662926,5.013515248796152,81.76370786516856,72.03370786516854,9.130658105939006,25.07383627608347,9.606745405546679,2.1652105939004818,361,11,72,9,7,118,65,89,0.103,0.764,0.133,0.4118,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,7,0,8,0,0,1,1,13,17,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,7,3,9,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,3,10,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707599441774286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686332348769349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543144896783803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583104343530802,0.0,0.14775504416547974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485239334607141,0.0,0.0,0.2582230283639203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42384373695771743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354150985661596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005158859397381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401819470421293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843805791834108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272198757489346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464346757622745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334545029509378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28425197119529283,0.0,0.16742133710527765
suicidewatch,kaliyugastrike,2018/02/01,I screwed myself over and now I have nowhere to turn I invested a ton of money in cryptocurrency believing the fucking SCAMMERS who keep saying it is going to keep rising and now it is crashing and I have lost so much money and I can't talk about it with anyone because they will judge me and call me a fool and a sucker. And at the same time it seems like I am going to get laid off soon. I am having a nervous breakdown now because I know this is going to really change things for me and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing good ever happens to me without something horrible following it. I am just destined for misery for some reason. I am sick of living this life if people knew how much I am suffering they would at least wish they could help me or maybe they would just laugh at my misery I can't take things anymore this is really it.,4.101050096339112,5.020539138728324,5.106488439306361,84.12925096339116,70.90751445086704,7.616377649325628,27.133429672447015,7.793537801064563,1.5467961464354532,673,22,134,8,12,221,100,173,0.16399999999999998,0.758,0.078,-0.9409,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,1,12,10,3,1,6,0,21,4,0,2,1,28,37,12,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,13,9,0,2,4,0,3,5,3,7,0,0,2,1,24,3,20,31,6,17,0,2,0,2,9,6,2,4,7,110,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517974561191564,0.1094099652977138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076968401275715,0.0,0.0,0.17629214163814866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597770199308825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655282999379626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493142122438915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153931135240225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465730328834672,0.08175098731855833,0.0,0.2667826242734724,0.13124261502901105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836906999382767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488094232350803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781618147845655,0.0,0.0,0.0859937874065954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052191699697776,0.07644508738105668,0.0,0.13816903783069476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080939651187568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719874254517008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005217069815825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002812401685957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847907848092106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048196411060806,0.1608809008334883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443407117124385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244767045596396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046100645816825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176486587501857,0.1257675364553776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790818738864064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124100279998304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019832247336292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799368947436275,0.15083494730559271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230868350989985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nami-tea,2018/02/01,"worthless i just turned sixteen today. i’m not happy. no one loves me the way she did. i constantly want to end my life. i feel nothing but misery thanks to my birthday today. everyone says happy birthday and i just wanna start sobbing 
i’ll never get her back and i’ll never lose these feelings for her. it’s been a year since we last met around the 16th of february. it’s been six months since she left me. i want to kill myself. she’s the only reason i was alive and now, i drag myself through each day and only find pleasure in helping others. but it’s not really worth it, and i’m not even good at that. i guess i just... i’m gonna write out a suicide note i think",-0.07631205673758856,2.1900554468085147,1.943014184397164,95.08416666666668,90.27659574468086,4.268085106382979,17.76241134751773,5.82211442006289,-0.3491673758865246,522,14,113,4,18,173,90,141,0.22,0.627,0.154,-0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,1,0,0,1,7,10,1,0,5,0,4,2,0,1,2,29,20,7,2,3,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,5,3,22,6,11,14,1,19,0,3,0,1,11,5,1,1,13,71,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821852429213755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938899047691162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677860101455883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013290362565384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751846234180415,0.0,0.0,0.10255088727452538,0.0,0.0,0.14836209954401314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701302143204132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419091468281391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111941108939358,0.0,0.0,0.13022868579556035,0.0,0.0,0.17104160053581333,0.0,0.0,0.3305643762094589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407067308717684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177741508346614,0.0,0.0,0.12656147470557014,0.0,0.0,0.1686955792422681,0.0,0.10966806779140167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737015133643059,0.0,0.0,0.1401324772749218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239308230876932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394994571214704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898069223770447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521139671060738,0.23617164144175665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946655934151392,0.15963799776863472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347274209097585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25687317183771885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098971723002966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983440990502194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294689934968874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948736719134424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943456114928876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888343664453465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315831648750192,0.12324191262647476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998539307582667
suicidewatch,dj_raidar_vip,2018/02/01,"Need a friend... I have tried talking to others but I really need to talk to someone anonymous about somethings,  I feel as though I am never wanted nor appreciated, but more hated than anything because of my busy life, and I feel as though I am about to enter a massive panic attack and commit suicide. Please help...",4.347796610169489,6.506763779661018,5.212000000000003,78.71223728813561,72.22033898305084,6.07593220338983,27.0542372881356,6.742157984588678,1.4599938983050849,249,9,41,2,5,81,42,59,0.28600000000000003,0.597,0.117,-0.9473,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,11,9,9,1,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,10,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775267704413536,0.0,0.0,0.24573544272662914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167387779696085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843596685093988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688395721070376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325897833932414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478275680125555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256983275783714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32032807920494843,0.16659540399726278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343385361032666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371072467971939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383775298439431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301927178960906,0.1662902355346048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23627303769973695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472312555687368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244451645981421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466523636840924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740460499339676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,danishwar,2018/02/01,"My batchmate is using suicide as something to gain attention! he has epilepsy which is in primary stage and has been said that it can  almost be cured by just medicine. He tried to seek attention with that but it didn't work. Now he is isolating himself and blaming on other people that we have isolated him(which we have not). he is going to professors and telling them that we are messing with him(again a lie) and he is seeing suicide as last option so now he is having what he wants ATTENTION of almost everyone in the college.

Trust me people he is doing all this for attention I have lived with him for past 2 years and yeah he had just one epileptic attack and also he doesn't take his prescriptions (things are just adding up against him as I write this and try to recall my experiences with him). I m not judging him or I say I have known him completely in this short time of 2 years. the thing that pains me and really hurts me is he is using death as a tool for his benefits what if there is someone who really needs help would anyone step up, no they wouldn't they will think that he is also fooling the public. This society already doesn't understand depression and now this.

I was suicidal and when I tried to tell someone they made fun of me and laughed at it. I don't know why people can't see. I see him in college all sad but when he steps outside the campus I see him cheerful happy laughing with outside people.

This is really depressing for me when I needed help they laughed at me now they are being sympathetic to someone who is lying. And this is something seen not just by me, but us who are his close friends. The truth will come out and then it will be ugly not just for him but for others too.

I say one thing to myself and I share it here(and you all can disagree with me):   'it's not a coward who takes his life but the brave' ",3.6238238583411007,5.193007613513519,4.3431593662628165,86.64878378378381,72.86486486486487,7.4818266542404475,26.54240447343896,8.104835398774808,1.5893765144454801,1467,51,295,22,29,469,178,370,0.149,0.687,0.16399999999999998,0.6922,0,0,2,0,0,2,26.0,4,1,6,2,17,20,1,0,9,1,44,2,0,3,4,67,63,32,4,6,17,0,0,0,1,5,2,3,0,0,31,26,0,0,8,0,0,4,12,8,0,2,7,8,48,12,39,48,3,30,0,4,5,0,52,12,0,5,13,221,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016864328768785,0.0,0.11113235147294974,0.16107022870760904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041646859025537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114568413650719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674990782957852,0.1055890625279115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347707220568395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622957082449836,0.0,0.09851048006217852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780574926122734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723394034982971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720415844164924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500316101451154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780860889430906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553457705008536,0.08208940444536919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113212288821666,0.0,0.0,0.08892586416672803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095291117777796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934548909625348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648293711702647,0.0,0.1071590328069174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613594363111347,0.2792693920253439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354587889174202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579513657110914,0.16017202528754645,0.0,0.0,0.3210008163920327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559853890483142,0.15505788077951987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304703646003037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514378157606679,0.0,0.176044195262192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071517672643474,0.06452878920362151,0.0,0.0,0.058722888635653926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511972321517372,0.0,0.0,0.10483922989000218,0.12113776454471188,0.17395651513547356,0.0,0.0,0.059399422907537226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087213592570552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331567951278954,0.0,0.0,0.07153915270478105,0.0,0.0,0.12970363042821778
suicidewatch,FinancialRatio,2018/02/01,"This is a throwaway acc. 47 hours till exp Holes. black holes in my chest. yawning away. i'm tired. i am so tired. Reasons to live: 2. 2016 i was self decevieng myself that i was loved, that i have hope and that everything will change overnight. Ships sailing towards the future, me working on them. Big office with my name on it. Warrior in the middle east. a baker, a singer, a doctor, big boss that everybody likes, A FIGHTER FOR THE WEAK, A ROLEMODEL!!!! .....no one... i am no one. From the beginning yelled at, insulted, mocked. If you answer back you can go live on the streets.""Your grandparents don't have anything and you and your mother will never have anything as well!!!"" Tears and silence. always silence. Now i see that my anxiety, my behavior is not genetic. It was branded into me. Looking for love where there was none. Women avoided me 'cause i was loud, seeking attention. making a fool out of myself. hooked up with a friend (same sex) he told everybody. i... i need a way out. any way out. don't wanna fight, no scene. quietly... i am so afraid",0.4596136962247606,2.8307984278606995,1.920563359672229,91.82261852502195,99.54726368159204,4.951770558969857,21.33465027802165,6.661559191721324,0.8273774070822362,808,31,156,13,34,259,132,201,0.128,0.7609999999999999,0.111,-0.3711,1,1,0,0,2,0,63.0,0,4,1,1,7,13,3,2,14,0,18,9,1,4,1,25,29,9,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,5,3,0,2,8,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,7,1,2,6,6,24,6,23,21,2,28,0,0,3,3,16,18,0,2,8,108,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789160534789602,0.0,0.0,0.11269470235194612,0.0,0.1267746934570549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727454747184794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569859325020885,0.12742779440375174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023921286552862,0.17530888339164655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962056853454824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489376832158737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803420147936825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418200993869134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459650471582093,0.16319997769394393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096200416830576,0.0,0.2926660848987803,0.0,0.13916234560207255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991359995950453,0.0,0.11061881709964587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287864728855695,0.12781282201974425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459116498792345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038688305704472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205670400715475,0.0,0.17288121177213553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809395611942772,0.0,0.15835174619103212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630802897546673,0.0,0.0,0.14900141474682385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064551233638762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,john_q_smiff,2018/02/01,"What do you really miss out on? I have no children, my marriage is falling apart, I hate my job, I hate most parts of my life. I only have one parent left and that’s it for family. What would I really miss out on if I was just gone?",-0.07588235294117851,1.5897327843137283,2.7330980392156867,93.63494117647059,83.90196078431373,6.432941176470589,16.08235294117647,7.554174236665415,-0.02544235294117625,176,3,43,3,5,62,37,51,0.28800000000000003,0.7120000000000001,0.0,-0.9238,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,10,0,6,8,2,8,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,2,0,33,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610466875164313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.546783815266264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479106170300605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008641981616801,0.0,0.19559015967226734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876418021799356,0.2106030040919364,0.0,0.0,0.3074764726343125,0.2998672160215262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547920669243899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670935903790854,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RagingEnchilada,2018/02/01,"I was forced to do it... I'm in bathroom right now, I just slit my wrist but I don't think it'll kill me. I have a knife just incase.

My grandma didn't even care she never asked if I was okay. She comes into my room and tells me she is putting me in a psyc ward i didn't want that. I wanted someone to show that they cared for me. But no one does. Now she forced me to kill myself. It's only a matter of time now....

Edit: I am okay, I fucked my wrists up pretty bad. They promised not to send me to a psych ward as long as I see a therapist and take anti-depressents.",-1.286509186351708,0.5664942598425213,0.9986141732283472,102.9830656167979,90.65354330708661,3.701627296587927,13.978477690288713,4.604124745555138,-1.4759087664041997,429,7,112,1,15,143,78,127,0.172,0.635,0.193,0.4384,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,2,0,6,9,3,0,5,2,10,3,2,0,1,15,21,7,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,6,4,0,1,4,1,27,5,13,16,0,15,0,0,1,1,9,6,1,1,6,74,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502632203994984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652530030634982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40358054836870855,0.0,0.0,0.17048856401244675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046621529289002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319910315278444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072276680103842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297171402920906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379331972726718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515092642100588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152646322788289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341141480345707,0.15052532079299893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135344213350675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896194240768414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902062477290086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771477342953685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676950153951022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880947076588488,0.0,0.17298878352666325,0.0,0.0,0.2297976911219047,0.0,0.12681766337319647,0.0,0.0,0.11540739591128288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334739613687785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snelf,2018/02/01,"Stress relief I'm being mentally destroyed by people I thought I could trust, I've never been a real ""talker"" but I'd seen some stuff on here and saw how it had helped some people and I just wanted to say, I've been crying myself to sleep on the daily for around 3 years now and I've recently started cutting. It's a great way for me to relieve stress and I know it's really bad but I don't want to stop. Help me please.",0.7575335775335788,2.6601318351648366,2.8764102564102565,92.44914529914531,82.2967032967033,5.363125763125763,17.803418803418804,6.42735559955562,-0.17200463980463976,331,7,73,3,9,112,62,91,0.195,0.5920000000000001,0.213,0.4233,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,2,3,0,6,1,1,1,1,19,14,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,3,8,4,10,6,2,10,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,6,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284329483662345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211523718329346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502071936973047,0.0,0.21327531043884004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140617517089658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602823047688405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670509191722567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566730802270516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974792811766524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269211774233701,0.0,0.0,0.21312904256438603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099624248621472,0.12438367382878905,0.0,0.19170927747596736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544035842866461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942999171038828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742723307813445,0.0,0.0,0.1623262008322979,0.4448185545029173,0.0,0.22226640109936324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414111180162854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290408399348661,0.15411493032080426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503247928066513
suicidewatch,throwawaybye4ever,2018/02/01,"I feel like I've been backed into a corner with no options. I need to figure something out Everyone used to think I'd grow up to be amazing.

I tried setting up a future for myself, but my mental health will probably make me mess it all up anyway. I blame myself for one of my grandparents dying alone. The relationship I had for years with the one person who kept me afloat is ending, because he basically chose a job offer over us. My dad says he loves me but acts like I'm the worst thing that happened to him. I can't talk to any of my friends. I've wanted to die for almost 10 years. I briefly got help at the university counseling center but they told me I couldn't come in anymore. I can't afford treatment, and at this point, I don't want it. But none of the suicide methods I know of are guaranteed to work. I wish I would die by accident or something.

Someone I know recently passed away. We don't know if it was suicide, but it's making me think that I should say least try it. If he did it then so could I. I see people having normal conversations and carrying on with their lives and events and parties. It would be okay.",3.482365618661259,4.612831693965519,4.6858012170385415,85.7746146044625,72.57758620689657,7.527789046653143,25.716024340770787,7.928766900206844,1.3513572008113592,891,28,186,12,17,294,146,232,0.127,0.715,0.159,0.7985,3,1,3,0,0,2,22.0,2,0,2,1,3,8,0,0,8,1,19,2,0,3,1,43,40,14,5,12,8,1,1,2,1,4,1,2,0,1,12,11,0,1,7,0,0,4,7,2,0,2,7,4,33,6,30,25,4,27,0,0,1,1,21,14,0,5,10,125,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329134219602755,0.12751978830455205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372884187690642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210636077264872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567946516235132,0.09467509497504273,0.0,0.0750555163262146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060608035863235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983048472705683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833511921973394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905170929935933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765067958877293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622554167558343,0.08796012512567837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512563755679393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984738629582133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887853639544083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087552303687647,0.0,0.0,0.08252771733211466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218200910436025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299791808274328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030476506118475,0.0,0.10872113699140568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112461494225402,0.0,0.16437304065317027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408047717246712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912952127664417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063581021289667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686461517504778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535898445408148,0.1075075125959383,0.0,0.0,0.11639239391443232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327489717831592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157053146991045,0.13218957140868573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582699439196205,0.0,0.0,0.09811423836117486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432293915577202,0.189574419723601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26935630871085703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989627616629395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179840750723416,0.1577863402652522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765067958877293,0.0,0.16718682643708715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810354239802778,0.10633998494032988,0.0,0.0,0.14524397048383306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415870305704922,0.0,0.0,0.08963605932446317,0.0,0.0,0.1749281402963457,0.0,0.0,0.15857620619384505
suicidewatch,toxicskiamachy,2018/02/01,"Almost Sent to Inpatient   I have always been honest with my healthcare providers.  With that being said I’ve also been to inpatient once and I’ve never been that bad since my inpatient trip eight years ago.  I have passive suicide ideation but am NOT a threat to myself or others.  I also know to reach out to my counselor or family if I feel actively suicidal.

  I had an appointment this morning with a new psychiatrist and told her all of the above and she gave me the most fake concerned look I’ve ever seen and said,”I think you need to go away for a few days to get the help you need”.  The next thirty minutes were spent with her calling my parents so they could vouch for me and me doing every breathing exercise known to man and praying to God for the first time in a very long time because I am not actively suicidal at the moment.  

Maybe I’ve been an idiot to be honest with my past healthcare professionals.  I’m never seeing this one again and bringing my parents to my next appointment so nobody locks me up.  I’ve spent the morning crying and honestly this makes me afraid to get the help that I need.  

Should I file a complaint against the doctor?  I NEVER used the word “active” or told her that I’m a current risk to myself or others.  She looked very young.  I fear she may have too much on her plate in her role and she’s not understanding what a true psychiatric emergency looks like.  

",6.1959671532846725,6.269846653284674,6.334005474452553,80.1523950729927,66.04379562043796,9.33175182481752,30.628649635036496,9.017664075816787,2.386329197080292,1109,37,214,17,16,354,150,274,0.145,0.713,0.14300000000000002,-0.7626,3,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,2,1,1,7,12,2,3,19,0,17,3,1,2,6,46,44,19,3,6,9,2,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,10,15,0,0,5,1,2,4,6,7,0,3,14,7,36,5,30,25,4,30,1,0,5,0,24,7,0,8,20,147,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025823442295602,0.0,0.11325546863686757,0.0,0.0,0.18089550175012284,0.09411005170355152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626319581949058,0.0,0.09443557345783576,0.06894602268010175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548994377090893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030286594821928,0.0,0.12423740418007655,0.07294153196414466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576484612314147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230737259045973,0.09529344194112717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662264399527538,0.12727136637224146,0.057187846885916126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620463354614113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818241362519875,0.0,0.06427855997841485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161997810225375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215798540072536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055255998935388885,0.0,0.0,0.10009184626970584,0.28493196899310125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549656536645888,0.0,0.1136263146305573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314309614048103,0.25159143996647243,0.2616940587131649,0.10923476413177118,0.24057084561939684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045010166826273,0.07664094596566695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511731122927793,0.0,0.10796880279434444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215172095231944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901277725395889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355926971008102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37114619441211416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724712927645181,0.0,0.0,0.1319015498915894,0.0,0.0,0.21614790811648324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774333001336645,0.0,0.09768394612904577,0.0,0.18664224244762134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283407831908219
suicidewatch,HubertCumberdale2086,2018/02/01,"I'm planning on hanging myself in my garage soon. I was reading about the short drop/simple suspension method, and I feel like that would be the best way for me to go. If I get the noose right and tight enough and position the rope and knot correctly, it should be a fairly quick way to lose consciousness. My body will probably flail about as it struggles for oxygen, but if I secure the beam across the rafters, it shouldn't be a problem.

A bit of background: I've been living with depression and suicidal thoughts for the past twenty years. Three years ago, I made my first attempt. The method I chose was far too slow and complex, which led me to change my mind about it. I was admitted to a psych ward in Miami by what they call the Baker Act. A year and a half later, I moved back to where I grew up in rural Midwestern USA. I ended up being admitted twice in a 3-4 month period. I've been on several different medications, and I've sought therapy. Nothing helps or stops the constant voice in my head telling me I'd be better off dead. Hanging seems like the most appropriate way since it's how I tortured and killed a stray dog when I was a child. I'm ready to go. Nothing can change my mind. ",5.115624999999998,5.5019043125000024,5.498333333333335,84.14000000000001,68.375,9.233333333333333,28.916666666666664,9.21078282632365,2.1619916666666663,945,31,197,17,15,302,148,240,0.138,0.76,0.102,-0.9453,1,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,6,10,11,2,1,20,0,16,3,2,3,1,34,27,16,3,6,4,0,2,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,8,10,0,3,7,1,0,8,1,6,0,4,8,3,23,5,27,10,4,43,0,2,0,0,7,15,0,5,19,121,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150448850880762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979519078740272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619935363036914,0.1147826028459532,0.1416895287187137,0.14415976358987154,0.0,0.0,0.13252305295843506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745866166271935,0.0,0.0,0.14024942188596698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178199152720474,0.0,0.0,0.13559571374917134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494930253928727,0.1341006327145293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562223353813909,0.09271707063948396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039343625945693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780631173687092,0.0,0.1475174500908734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319490024921354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699087440660377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358576819138566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268109314818163,0.0,0.11460085264810987,0.0,0.0,0.14519408864256866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280390468460367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074281665045046,0.0,0.0,0.2620878625315644,0.0,0.10359163005794876,0.13793889328988754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906076424821186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389265163169913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992812966730206,0.12418489652123448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981821844436334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108340559671901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814965746518258,0.0,0.14661795865348212,0.0,0.10735791922400033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850448064108308,0.0,0.13567747222430052,0.0,0.14196164379173046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343614745745725,0.0,0.14841828246599145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303328233963738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30904734518067484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219418865944208,0.0,0.0,0.2507281786561018
suicidewatch,Plz_killme,2018/02/01,"The voices Hi there,
So for the past few weeks I have been having seeing things(symbols in people. Like if school was a person), and usually these come with sleep paralysis, except that I hurt myself during that paralsysis. To try and counter this, I tried booze and weed, but nothing ssems to get these monsters out of my head. I see them with my significant other, and along with that, I'm starting to hear their voices, distorted pieces of people. My head is going to burst, these people and voice just won't stop. I'm thinking of making my own rifle to blow my brains out(I don't live in the states). I tried to see what was going on, and it appears that around my age symptoms of schizophrenia start to develop. Idont know what to do or say. If i tell anyone I'll be sent off to a psyche hospital. Idk, maybe head trauma from rugby? I dont know what to do, the voices only stop when i have music on. I need help I imlplore you guys. Every night after the paralysis I cry until the rest of my family wakes up. Please. Someone stop this madness.

Than ks,
Just read this and I need help,
save me,
please,
",3.3292524321556587,5.128875138248851,4.0112058371735815,87.77649129544294,74.1152073732719,6.481208397337428,21.272145417306707,7.1686216300943375,0.5617948796722989,863,20,171,9,18,274,134,217,0.086,0.79,0.123,0.7568,0,0,0,1,0,2,35.0,0,1,2,0,6,5,1,0,8,0,13,8,6,1,0,32,33,14,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,2,15,14,1,3,3,1,0,5,3,3,0,0,4,9,24,2,33,27,4,27,0,1,3,0,12,8,0,4,14,113,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392632047643896,0.0,0.0,0.10685030641287216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399086714746633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033934349672042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184504664893645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406718417684949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112870903077399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131516515832387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270964022603512,0.0,0.1364292790051651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188465229257542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695498572603649,0.0,0.13528020213781114,0.0,0.16090438477632116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284923831217937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192842427525187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058639584474175874,0.0,0.10598686250696043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011957629239896,0.0,0.12058419001815406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799838064212742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263808277516875,0.0,0.11517003742244444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128665055324334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458024203738952,0.2496367642784215,0.10480376007171216,0.0,0.2635092500986207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006041273889442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545102867813487,0.0,0.1214746746391544,0.28694016395311434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011461421265693,0.0,0.1016992768342631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991277535818494,0.0,0.0,0.3010461756268257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475497867771675,0.0,0.0,0.10490970255526368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769090519743724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444732598955896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321938091023932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627916665683664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h3d8wh293,2018/02/01,"Tired of living, nothing will ever improve I am in my 30s, female, and have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 12.  This has included several trips to psych wards, the last being 10 years ago.  

I am single and have never been in a long term relationship.  I just can't get close to people, or if I do, I get too close and scare them away with my intensity.  

Everything feels so hopeless for me.  I am tired of myself.  I hate myself.  I am unattractive, very socially award, no real friends.  I suspect I am on the autism spectrum (very mild) because I have never understood social cues and it's gotten me in trouble.  People think I am weird/aloof.

I am too scared, too much of a coward, to try to end my life.  But I am also so so so so so tired of being me, stuck in this body, in this mind.  Sometimes, things don't get better.",2.5416765285996057,4.466253739644977,3.9554792899408286,86.77093096646946,76.69230769230771,6.6368441814595664,23.69270216962525,7.554174236665415,1.0968340039447728,658,21,132,9,15,217,104,169,0.282,0.6809999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9919,0,1,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,2,13,10,1,3,4,0,20,5,1,0,3,23,30,15,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,6,1,24,3,19,21,3,19,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,2,9,97,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012640266032085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837177618250808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732136689275128,0.0,0.0,0.08260905181471201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985253544576545,0.0,0.1505272815488989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167193875163539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002659824281613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225816184142482,0.0,0.0,0.12179268298468833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852075903624104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469901622796593,0.0,0.21240392305260733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379359890008793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110463300845722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571867579603567,0.0,0.0,0.11966275736538398,0.11992704137682847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683212462138675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996195584620262,0.0,0.20903596964196647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003087286350318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789890776237492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424642068849914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454930388647616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27134951253180273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309405476791538,0.0,0.1120999045164253,0.0,0.0,0.2762821761847766,0.0,0.0,0.13402839330594848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167032847981936,0.0,0.14823207108591338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003054292181213,0.08683292445803492,0.0,0.10758424898482184,0.0,0.4672657403863396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920061967720738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362912431813745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726760320395284
suicidewatch,antonioafonsoribeiro,2018/02/01,"So, I'm self mutilating. I'm Portuguese. On the last days, I have been hurting myself when having this thoughts. 

Somebody knows how to help me? ",1.6572222222222237,4.424160555555559,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,91.59259259259258,4.181481481481482,25.26851851851852,5.985473137389443,0.8287851851851853,113,5,21,1,4,35,24,27,0.099,0.8029999999999999,0.099,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975971146149927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30930024902273257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939918343722319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536008856330253,0.3761433887366725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813930522729509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366339804061794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hooguro,2018/02/01,"Am I going to die? Like an idiot, I took 17 grams of paracetamol, thinking it would kill me. Now? A few hours have passed since and I'm not even in pain, only feeling sort of weird. Does this mean my liver is fine? Or am I going to die?",-1.348319327731094,0.6600296862745125,1.1337815126050437,99.91058823529413,95.27450980392156,3.698599439775911,13.168067226890754,5.288315135182226,-1.2715344537815123,178,3,43,1,7,60,43,51,0.289,0.578,0.133,-0.9179,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,8,12,2,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,2,5,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320205998382999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242994396778236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929096521211598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959851765077746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29133483925518155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524146559351663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835700906543606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522058345062348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791977647840928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949360273615916,0.27273292216754474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202306656349906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423370743881086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847708964593208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820759450276193,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silverwave2,2018/02/01,I'm going for a walk. I'll let you guys know if I come back. Edit: I came back.,-5.271000000000001,-4.666692099999997,-0.6600000000000001,108.70000000000003,120.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-2.982,58,0,18,0,4,22,16,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785294410612001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43025791615392256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32405194541115784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379584345315827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724844519544045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674263581137706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846768786913085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayVProblems,2018/02/01,"Feeling like suicide is my only way out of pain Throw away account because I don't want anyone I know personally to find me. I may not come back to answer replies, I just need to get this off of my chest. I've been dealing with vulvodynia for two and a half years now. I've spent hundreds of dollars on medications and doctors and I've gotten nowhere. I'm starting to feel like suicide is my only option left. I want my husband to be happy and be able to have a normal sex life. I'm tired of disappointing him and myself, I'm tired of the embarrassment, I'm tired of seeing doctors who always end up stumped, and I'm tired of feeling misunderstood and alone. I could have surgery, but because of where my pain is at I don't think it would help. I also don't want to be one of these women who gets surgery only to find out that it made their problems so much worse. It's so rare that women find a cure for their pain and I don't want to trap my husband in a sexless marriage. I'm feeling like nothing but a burden or catalyst for resentment. I want to leave and make things easier on people around me. My husband is so loving and supportive and he's never once been angry or upset with me for this, but he deserves better. ",3.6879194333775978,4.730052083665342,4.93916998671979,84.48776339088094,71.98804780876493,7.171403275785747,28.28707392651616,7.3871296695380915,1.5211724656927843,967,36,197,10,18,321,131,251,0.194,0.6509999999999999,0.156,-0.5791,0,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,1,9,16,1,2,6,0,18,14,1,2,1,49,47,20,2,10,7,3,4,3,0,2,11,0,0,3,11,17,0,0,10,0,3,2,6,9,0,3,5,5,24,7,35,36,1,21,0,1,1,2,17,12,0,4,9,124,35,2,0.096540873760797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999872300120248,0.0,0.07720370186725234,0.08032974069713439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750362362066971,0.0,0.0,0.08594184550093119,0.0,0.0,0.09070332882950016,0.07423397280955159,0.0,0.1177008411691758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538255753053417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316141443176595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770800320956023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995294017518402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976273501625264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855065593026104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952558660086127,0.20690645851347614,0.0,0.0,0.2647098288959228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087724392478928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276955528862153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470931268758195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053056339456969005,0.0,0.0,0.10222284591094187,0.10489194181589022,0.0,0.06818967419007838,0.1414949833548997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713190777648283,0.0913493090131392,0.06444178288750246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725477369896336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096865034948982,0.07158383462866129,0.07445827340040974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458955871724338,0.09263357209524847,0.0,0.0,0.10281287980197633,0.06541859455776687,0.2202710543804078,0.3081788889575547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692928623610668,0.08429576721283671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237657805929053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693057719829376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683321273410424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120009335289205,0.10955343948263876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413746677895953,0.061859493756288686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438381306071778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943064057266912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847115431595401,0.07662965198353122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983833980798384,0.06857986682668492,0.0,0.0,0.06216915748507506
suicidewatch,girl_in_a_boxx,2018/02/01,"please renew my faith in life, love, and in the good in people ive recently discovered ive been betrayed multiple times by my boyfriend over the entire course of our relationship, with about 15+ different girls, physically and/or emotionally. i need some inspiration. i feel like people, even those closest to you, only ever will operate out of self-interest when it comes down to a choice between pleasing you or themselves. who in this world would put me in their thoughts before themselves, but my own parents and brother? no one. i have no one else. ive been searching for years and years, and im so worn. people would say i am beautiful and not too old yet- but thats exactly what leads men to lie me into thinking theyre my bf, only to cheat on me in ways big or small. i am running out of time and spirit to find someone to marry and have a family with. no one cares about wasting a woman's time these days. we only have until we are late 30s/40 and then we cant have a healthy family and no man will look at us. i am luckier than most girls in regards to looks, but that doesnt save you from selfish users. i havent been properly eating, sleeping, thinking, exercising, showering, or anything for about a month now. its so hard to talk myself into any of it. every day is a struggle. i miss being a child and thinking life is magical. its the awful men ive dated who make me think life is the farthest thing from magical. they all have excuses for why they cheated and blame for me. am i really to believe that every man will cheat a bit in the beginning, or when we fight, or after 7 years, or after 20? if that is the case then i want none of it. whats the point of love if it cant be true love, without deceit and betrayal? any stories of meeting your true love after extreme betrayal or loneliness would be very appreciated. thank you xx and please dont tell me to just be with my parents or brother. because ive fallen back on them many times before after breakups and being cheated on, only to realize that i cant keep doing that and wasting time moping around them. it only worries them and wastes more of my time. i always remind myself i cant stay in bed crying and have to get up and date again, but at this point im struggling to even eat. i know that i cant marry my family and that i have to go out and find and make my own. but why has it been this hard? why cant i find the one without these painful experiences?",4.357167405764965,5.100688733739837,5.454220251293425,82.51324833702884,70.19918699186992,8.402660753880268,28.323725055432373,8.575989854853784,1.965421951219512,1915,66,387,30,33,635,238,492,0.17600000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.131,-0.9763,4,1,0,0,1,0,55.0,6,5,6,1,17,23,5,2,16,1,47,12,1,3,5,83,73,43,0,7,19,4,3,1,1,6,5,1,2,8,27,35,2,1,12,1,0,6,17,10,0,4,6,6,55,13,67,56,8,70,2,1,2,4,43,30,0,12,33,274,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065794655733709,0.0,0.0,0.0991478664029298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998980281464063,0.06489571391857325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560549594252733,0.0,0.044438655418491686,0.0,0.12406364323510673,0.08213239724946791,0.0,0.0,0.07958700936033655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432555896518869,0.0,0.0,0.0627961772122908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007631158163499,0.0940278634981222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616411344553724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543728049344447,0.0,0.0,0.14918809374184985,0.06089789959367033,0.08200175062178064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962984242053874,0.06594146987148544,0.12284138418577575,0.0,0.0,0.07130937332411984,0.206168539625507,0.0,0.036860009078118136,0.05207917928428399,0.0,0.0,0.19988555315906206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808680581897863,0.0,0.041430276419730565,0.06114436238313385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060666908507892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574872192758785,0.0,0.0,0.06479612891200782,0.0,0.0,0.04006347556184215,0.0,0.08223343534579453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447251205672902,0.03561485058953174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224338798729199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631773766217701,0.0,0.09732151973917892,0.07390831309668845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058187419392450764,0.0,0.0,0.054053808434980914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764954125328066,0.0,0.19759344811044224,0.27721550633636616,0.07756985318371101,0.0,0.16189179525783295,0.0,0.0,0.15161731006715304,0.0,0.0,0.2400641816115245,0.13782655132279126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328379745765459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670107290285157,0.0,0.07197913253375815,0.07826642332612882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797234334915809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604972962628488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295181364538722,0.0,0.06176722741121726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770081220100215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242007436327984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058593588853450874,0.06371708489072549,0.06711575842133469,0.0,0.0,0.04843096714166156,0.18684337002804446,0.0,0.05787379547482315,0.2550485421904839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768872174935936,0.0,0.0,0.06014944717803256,0.042997817294944736,0.05786396538051058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734047772570545,0.0,0.0,0.14054439064712926,0.0,0.0,0.07403264243321693,0.0,0.15535642941633734,0.0,0.0,0.1408340198605501
suicidewatch,sleepykittykat,2018/02/01,"How to cope with seeing a loved one try and commit suicide? Not sure if this is the right place to post this and I do apologize if it isn’t, but yesterday I went to my parents house on lunch break to find policemen outside the door asking for my little brother because he was about to make an attempt to kill himself. I let them in and we rushed to the backyard where we found him trying to hang himself with a chain. I was alone at the time other than him and the police and looked at the man trying to speak to my brother, I couldn’t react but I think I was just in shock at the time. Once I noticed what he was trying to do I ran back inside hyperventilating and called my parents to come home. All I remember is crying and yelling at them on the phone. When my dad showed up they cuffed my brother and all 5 police escorted him out of the house. When my mother got home my siblings came over when she notified them as well. I got questioned by police before they got home and again when my family asked me over and over again what had happened. My brother left suicide notes on his computer that were found, my parents are happy I got home in time to help but I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know what to do or why I can’t stop crying but every time I think I’m okay and have calmed down it just comes back. ",4.9926824817518245,4.767694937956204,5.47269160583942,86.32757755474455,68.5985401459854,8.163868613138687,27.34397810218978,7.413659706084162,1.2521321167883204,1039,28,226,9,16,334,143,274,0.123,0.8,0.077,-0.9467,4,1,0,0,1,3,14.0,2,0,5,1,15,8,1,0,12,1,19,2,0,4,4,48,42,25,3,3,10,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,10,19,1,1,9,1,0,7,6,2,1,1,15,4,42,6,39,25,2,44,0,0,2,1,35,21,0,4,14,158,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862486277032613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804590971208495,0.0,0.0,0.14644500863475582,0.0,0.058048559335356464,0.0,0.08102985664027124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723584614486272,0.10891256308538977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405661173197336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920140271700427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802315609191237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977009312298735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703434943868056,0.0,0.0,0.20881961356494624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30464201203103786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420756380953771,0.10136927771765247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382762161735431,0.0,0.38207562059064537,0.0,0.0,0.2197548017368773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535286769184588,0.0,0.104666849904935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034627458532563,0.0973744892190893,0.0,0.0,0.09544093210046917,0.0,0.0,0.07996540707106663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594469960152773,0.0,0.06356373702112499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841482253373684,0.0,0.10141201191664664,0.06452723922956395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172098276072457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949034274174608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119967228371913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667431366089353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078718882337106,0.08132202641767501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588236635929638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961275227302292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083224049861568,0.0,0.08974887338585573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220332652884194,0.0,0.0,0.22210693663456754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586073586474963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561912874381121,0.08827495965560754,0.08592617037764412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catflap10,2018/02/01,"I am so sick of hearing “it will get better”. Whenever I open up to anyone, no matter who they are, about how I’m feeling they always say it’s going to get better. Is anyone else sick of hearing that or is it just me? I’ve heard it all before and it’s not getting better. That doesn’t actually make me feel any better either. ",1.59,3.1858427101449323,4.115289855072465,86.04076086956526,78.42028985507247,5.759420289855073,20.195652173913047,6.42735559955562,0.2721478260869565,253,6,52,2,6,89,48,69,0.123,0.6920000000000001,0.185,0.4242,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,12,17,4,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,4,6,15,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.18117716222894548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544838087414557,0.0,0.0,0.1262550160351655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596352680905083,0.19023038349667104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798279715242153,0.0,0.0,0.6568039469782039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509492172954206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775032508724296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29099871457816584,0.0,0.10551473074482323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185041277872912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392934392861145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476441078297937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shimmerbank432,2018/02/01,"I dont know how to cope Ive had mental health problems since i was 13, im 26 now and the love of my life who ive shared 6 years with no longer wants to be in a relationship and is moving away on saturday. Ive been at my parents for 4 weeks and i spend every waking moment in bed wondering why i should go on, all this pain and fear i just want it to end",1.1416260162601617,1.6815800731707355,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,77.53658536585365,6.930081300813008,19.764227642276424,7.1686216300943375,0.037627642276422346,274,5,72,3,6,96,64,82,0.146,0.757,0.096,-0.6218,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,10,5,1,1,1,14,16,5,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,10,2,12,11,1,14,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,6,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052431157360108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25602445477589764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934838872355248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405547454482107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581955753138585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241514695963447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220456702466474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359659578137719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005566455190675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429931152916262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971617190112628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014852593886655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321802106243486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244863663386225,0.0,0.24256541391645897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090293371432824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345360039973327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070599018969785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576976389209055,0.0,0.17522924872314424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711921198465407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369021879589114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406761113355034
suicidewatch,celery-celery,2018/02/01,"My father inadvertently stopped me from suicide I've not been great recently. Health problems have caused my depression, amongst other things.

Before I knew it I had a plan to go by CO poisoning. My SO is away, I rigged my car ready to cause the CO poisoning, today was the day. 

I decided to have a nice meal before I do it. Then my brother called, he never calls so I knew something was up. He told me our father was admitted to hospital with some severe stomach problems which would require surgery. Nothing else mattered to me at that point. Not my issues, not my sadness. I was worried about him.

I'm just venting. I'm not saying it's good for me that that happened to him. He's my best friend and I hate that he's unwell. But now something's different. I'm still sad, I'm still broken and I'm still lost. But today is the first day in a long time that I don't want to die.",1.148240223463688,3.4930054301675995,2.7988240223463703,90.93734217877096,84.08379888268156,5.591173184357542,23.475139664804463,6.961326702584282,0.8659092737430161,688,26,143,9,20,226,105,179,0.25,0.653,0.097,-0.9831,1,0,2,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,0,5,8,14,3,0,6,0,13,5,1,2,1,25,27,7,2,4,7,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,11,3,1,2,4,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,10,1,24,5,16,16,2,22,0,4,0,0,16,5,0,1,15,90,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276289217101666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311846875866216,0.0,0.14255879351524434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774216769630661,0.0,0.0,0.27909625536434696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521492743894895,0.0,0.11700133241525415,0.0,0.14098353361675345,0.14192696839355706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347935241240953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155479425244579,0.0,0.0,0.10495192497066486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720267808492384,0.11393862010355635,0.0,0.14976733019276073,0.0,0.0,0.1201254706531424,0.0,0.0,0.13411678790508594,0.0,0.14439470186007464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178474503688174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021673461696528,0.0,0.0,0.14828862511602894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104770456268021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034497270658432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841549457127527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599667112801212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412852334215586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802776491450776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346386554838853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091570767482094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254530622336663,0.11357078751761375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859013736080914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024801880874196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921111563951078,0.0,0.2575264627924276,0.1298037586300177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012369054325459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795510808675146,0.0,0.0964989330278018,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sjichrbasjsjnkxjf,2018/02/01,"Why would I stay? Noone would even care if I would leave. I hate my life, I always did. I don't even have money to buy some normal food. I wanna fucking die so bad.
Is there even any real reason to stay? ",-1.2783333333333324,0.7440454090909085,0.9472727272727288,101.33257575757578,94.9090909090909,2.9333333333333336,9.606060606060606,3.1291,-2.1038666666666668,154,1,37,0,6,51,33,44,0.289,0.647,0.065,-0.9016,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,9,10,2,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631237875858504,0.0,0.0,0.1333162134281439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368802424855786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998792801430649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346206560477906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884543885791576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23705641977969746,0.0,0.0,0.1812389354964098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355223975038852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207581621178972,0.0,0.0,0.1384712291064011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208087751964276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314027310106285,0.0,0.20156523414959707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179122935770136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689864778717085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177907534052752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ithacancypher2k,2018/02/01,"I’m five days away from putting a bounty on myself.... I keep wanting to end it like that short film, Mr. Happy. Fuck me once like never before, then put a bullet in my head without me noticing.",3.064615384615383,4.387297512820513,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,73.87179487179488,5.2,23.256410256410252,3.1291,0.11347179487179515,149,4,30,0,3,48,35,39,0.081,0.718,0.201,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,6,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,6,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353416050138339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314673313158347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615439576442805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185790935317976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23157200501003586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26664900175434303,0.0,0.0,0.2570728264810145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264513336908426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447514471179107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319169202213554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28518210699414903,0.0,0.2667614128492932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036190010952577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774423915374366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414613737373122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tr33fall,2018/02/01,"Is this not too much for one person to handle? Please forgive me if this post is a long one, but writing this is helping me and somewhat of a Cathartic experience.

About 10 years ago my relationship came under weekly stress because I was continually getting late paid by work and having to chase money. Soon after, my wife at the time then developed acute post natal depression and for 2 years waged a war of hate against my parents who were living close by. This included physically assaulting them and running a key along their car, including many other vindictive acts. I ended up as a go between for over a year with this until I eventually ended up leaving her.

At this point my wife made false accusations of assault against me and I was arrested, locked up for a day, then had to go through months of court and stress before she eventually admitted she had instigated it all and got the charges dropped. 

After this I finally resigned from my job then had to endure a further 6 months of civil court chasing thousands of dollars owed to me.

My wife went off leaving my children with me. During the subsequent 6 years my son has suffered from behavioual difficulties due to abandonment and for the past 6 years I have been regularly on a weekly, sometimes on a daily basis been kicked, punched spat at and swore at by him and endured such things as sleep deprivation when he used to run in all night long and flick on and off the lights in my bedroom.

During these 6 years I became very isolated at home as a single parent. Luckily I met a lady and we had the most amazing physical and intimate connection. I was totally in love with her but she couldn't handle my kids behaviour so wouldn't come to my house very often. I became very dependent upon her emotionally.  But i was reduced to only seeing her for a couple of nights per week and was constantly in fear of losing her, especially as we would do a lot of making and breaking up which was very stressful for me, as deep down I knew that I always risked losing her.

My brain had coped with all of this. But a few days ago she had met somebody else. This was the breaking point. I went into crisis mode and could not sleep for 3 days for thinking of her with another man. I endured panic attacks and despite my every attempt she would not come back. 

I couldnt think straight. I was a tormented soul and im the end all I wanted to do was find some peace. I am ashamed to say that I did a test strangulation to see if I could follow through and realized that I could. So this weekend i planned to send the kids to their moms and was going to drive out to the woods and hang myself.

Normally I would never have contemplated doing that to my kids. But I just got to the point where I couldn't think straight.

Yesterday I went to the hospital and I am now trying to fight through this. But I am still feeling like a broken man and feel like my future is uncertain.

I feel like I have been through a lot of suffering.

To anybody out there. Thanks for listening. This has been very helpful for me to write.
",5.481181303238639,6.357735394603711,6.0003709949409805,79.12489773857398,67.73524451939292,9.11746443550828,31.393998356898862,9.265573868473778,2.6987814156613474,2431,96,460,45,39,787,293,593,0.181,0.745,0.07400000000000001,-0.9974,5,0,0,0,2,1,41.0,2,0,3,5,14,29,6,8,31,0,48,5,4,4,6,94,83,44,1,14,12,7,3,3,0,4,0,2,2,7,22,39,0,1,11,1,5,17,8,22,0,3,33,8,72,7,97,40,13,101,1,8,2,1,48,34,0,10,48,338,94,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700097571630378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059606417666608076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511599601653368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149564504519914,0.0,0.05508322509119721,0.0,0.043668294193132284,0.0,0.06095647607294696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799688328992522,0.0,0.08193184982704746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234151625374924,0.0,0.07741245258113366,0.0,0.17158518925767893,0.07926324251195771,0.0,0.1385967813467785,0.0,0.06169949224860406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984221102454066,0.08058021865831974,0.1903431895632076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035594071421745,0.0,0.0,0.07007319784364567,0.0,0.08060977635928168,0.10866307982723088,0.15352909989553756,0.0,0.07847311378006575,0.06547348667585742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742655635543333,0.0,0.12213619981265797,0.0,0.11458679730623685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072515795280526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603143955157184,0.0,0.07185617866752797,0.0,0.0,0.08265767008238609,0.0,0.0,0.07737855880463561,0.0,0.07108711231147245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080788703831494,0.15170315739994122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499236026891316,0.0,0.0632553985041913,0.12679020541965902,0.0,0.1602834486012009,0.0,0.12180376443850673,0.0646537738319711,0.06778317743016765,0.047817206835704056,0.07262708399321477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838985516739675,0.11435743608531325,0.0,0.0526602846872885,0.0,0.055249661016242284,0.0,0.0,0.13444999963506746,0.07018751330291904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708404475185488,0.054481973730272894,0.0,0.08404874423931033,0.15908533856835896,0.0,0.06838412515801931,0.0,0.06254929574538952,0.0,0.07863419215487301,0.20315591237321834,0.0,0.13721388317649427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690964470152344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056967370425498716,0.0,0.0,0.11416832859211044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337433165737573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084927354262001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720814819242909,0.0,0.2461744345208264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595228087208216,0.0,0.0,0.04759139765331322,0.13770327612723685,0.0,0.0,0.04177119622926696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048635755767367464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061870012680809224,0.0,0.29553366660049896,0.04225243355398371,0.0,0.17238486668467118,0.0,0.0,0.1992202882688965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052151447361725584,0.0,0.0,0.15266326581348835,0.0,0.0,0.2767852156531642
suicidewatch,CensorshipIsRife,2018/02/01,"Took an overdose of prescribed Ketamine Surprisingly I ended up not asphyxiating as I had hoped. This was 9 months ago. Instead I ended up having a vivid 3 or 4 hour long series of hallucinations where I was seeing years pass from a bird's eye view of the universe. My only concern was that I was wasting those years not progressing my career so I could be happy later...

This was after the doctor who had me on his chronic-depression drug trial decided I wasn't reacting positively enough and threatened the trial's success. So he cut me off (and charged me $190 for the privilege of telling me not to come back.) I took the final month's supply all at once. Considering just one dose was enough to get me in a heavily intoxicated state, this was about 20 doses, so I fully expected my lungs to stop working.

Since then the only thing that has kept me going is the thought of experiencing more of the same. I went from no drugs/smoking/alcohol to having tried marijuana, GHB, ectasy, speed, cocaine etc. I have no addiction to any of it, and none of it except GHB had any real effect, but I have a gaping hole in my life that I want to fill with another ketamine overdose. The longer I go without it, the more I just want to end it.

This wasn't my first time, I've thought about and attempted a few times since childhood. First one was when I hung myself from a tree in primary school when I was about 6 years old, I made a noose out of my school jumper and stepped off a tyre under the tree. Dinner lady ran over and stopped me.

I take stupid risks to try and die without ""committing suicide"". Things such as riding on the back of drug dealer's bikes in foreign countries through the ghetto areas. Last risk was meeting an African druglord in Thailand alone to try and get ahold of ketamine. Down a few side streets in a closed restaurant with the lights out and 2 other African guys sitting with me. Strangest thing was I had no fear, I honestly didn't care if they killed me or gave me ketamine. Spoiler: got neither.

I don't know what the point of me posting this is. I'm just really over life in general. There is no satisfaction, just misery.",5.416562361884559,6.120748357995229,5.923320074250864,80.23549367983739,67.80668257756564,8.689507646070894,31.27030849465217,8.735056554316923,2.4036103774418818,1698,66,328,26,27,549,236,419,0.14300000000000002,0.8079999999999999,0.05,-0.9898,0,1,6,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,1,7,18,13,3,3,27,0,29,12,2,3,2,50,52,21,3,6,14,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,19,16,1,3,5,1,0,11,15,6,0,4,28,6,42,7,58,22,11,69,0,0,4,0,8,26,0,4,29,226,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107169775113441,0.0,0.0,0.08714373989424988,0.10506090790275877,0.0,0.1018170069263814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337050537279563,0.10308407131272124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118492477117199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023113169591394,0.0,0.0,0.08468327713637518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849060485843846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467217631666431,0.0,0.10202774934029528,0.0,0.0,0.10062197581591384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280111690340261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261214015221281,0.20315602293805016,0.10963894035479554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106233608736772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769115083363942,0.0,0.16724075804085686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027233081881487,0.0,0.11174092868831448,0.0,0.07862555388610246,0.0,0.0,0.09733996206633963,0.0,0.10465024905064693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764161068429586,0.09681316570597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876277399214014,0.0,0.0540272760964474,0.08013380026021133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388751049205769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699911650214873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302101105703586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156936348071104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315727018346467,0.1046943664071913,0.1332315235535827,0.14953469202573252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293244079939264,0.0,0.09415148882102156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189555057355874,0.06297835433243835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898504273083595,0.07833841492065725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626420954096607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437908093190362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075325387310844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739150671271109,0.0,0.0859251597415258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593356767124734,0.0,0.0,0.15609047807353174,0.11464788325425795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184466815923555,0.20023318527659026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596871783890556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113211340645104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953000184865307,0.0,0.07156909052652978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992057898305406
suicidewatch,Blackcel20,2018/02/01,"I'm lonely and a virgin and nothing makes me happy anymore. I used to have a hobby that I really liked before but now I just can't find the energy to do it. Now I'm just a NEET waiting to die.

My friends and I never meet irl anymore and I haven't talked to anyone outside of my family in months. I hate how I look and I hate that I'm never tall enough or charming enough for a woman to have romantic feelings for me. I really wish I had a method to kill myself but I have nothing no guns or nothing so I guess I'm just stuck where I am in life. 

Edit: I'm just scared y'know? Scared of what I might do normally when I'm not sad I don't wanna kill myself but in moments like this there is nothing I wanna do more.",0.12625000000000242,1.9693923375796203,2.8929259554140145,91.7988793789809,84.22292993630573,5.453662420382166,18.729697452229303,6.6274283507984215,0.058197770700636475,555,14,125,6,16,195,84,157,0.248,0.598,0.154,-0.9632,0,2,1,1,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,4,2,6,0,13,2,0,3,2,29,29,13,3,4,10,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,2,22,5,15,26,3,12,0,2,1,1,4,5,0,4,9,89,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666803928454867,0.09401192279234204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144086983069975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953988676494852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27784959111311863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674932335983646,0.0,0.0679829408236865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288663759435807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038772355215648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811397044095018,0.0,0.0,0.14312659052926502,0.0,0.2654869106689832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975023023684588,0.0,0.0738912701442823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496738162112024,0.1313728531613365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290576723102645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974771415923948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263226135075344,0.0,0.0,0.10731825596831802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073952500537176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173435460380645,0.5160410514691686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226671153708345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692196950595501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806737663112197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161233074985826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461309589214506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,22callum,2018/02/01,i really need someone to talk to. i know this sounds stupid but i told a friend about my suicidal thoughts and she said that i can message/call her anytime i want to talk but i have anxiety and i kind of feel like i am putting a burden on her by messaging her. i have come to reddit to find someone to talk to. i feel completely and utterly alone at the moment and when ever im in a group i always feel like im just the one who is always in the background and no one would notice if i were to disappear. i also have some other problems that i don't feel comfortable posting publicly. ,1.4123497267759542,3.4589017377049203,3.3668032786885256,89.03222677595629,80.80327868852459,6.689617486338799,24.101092896174865,7.793537801064563,1.3010961748633876,460,17,97,8,12,155,75,122,0.23,0.6759999999999999,0.094,-0.9564,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,1,23,20,10,1,5,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,3,0,2,4,6,19,5,15,15,1,11,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,2,5,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590212494122854,0.0,0.12278597105557963,0.2555153438911541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745776442898336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226120999893556,0.16098388484780812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388858204668548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31053797333952765,0.2193781715280188,0.0,0.0,0.14033287956765245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186247086553672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316993343460806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988839790693832,0.08438162942082579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500238849565134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384804658558036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480643369080778,0.0,0.0,0.20808550532144413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470489836454455,0.0,0.0,0.14691714989657415,0.0,0.15435021931827445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983617265346959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605180560881445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601880750819989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794796053920644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702291749578389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189369730030095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671415559229942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056193537891777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907048936145174,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ninasniper,2018/02/01,Are my suicidal thoughts normal I often think about killing myself. I say I wanna kill myself all the time as a joke to my friends but they don’t know that I’m kinda serious. I think about suicide at least twice a week but I know I’d probably not ever do it mostly because I couldn’t do that to my dad. I have thoughts like ‘what if I just ended it now’ etc. This is more than ‘morbid curiosity’ but I just want to know if it’s normal to have these thoughts. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to reply.,0.20482386772106054,2.4753273831775715,2.177009345794392,94.11441409058231,88.25233644859811,5.161466570812365,19.445722501797267,6.67199483983844,0.17062386772106386,398,12,88,5,13,132,68,107,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.107,-0.715,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,1,1,0,7,7,2,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,2,26,20,6,4,7,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,16,4,12,16,5,7,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,7,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442000823167387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171676833485473,0.0,0.19103950873611814,0.0,0.15494638084670684,0.0,0.16367997360416384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234230264370786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790256791063027,0.0,0.2824182060794008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368621770183532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356659953071469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846852757110709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622087600808816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747384516095503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287927269860998,0.0,0.0,0.15770567270391714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195181880800512,0.0,0.4079679375738654,0.1997673018696889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103438984820956,0.0,0.13740273525545907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stickylemonsuperherb,2018/02/01,"depressed, suicidal and alone at university, feel like i cant go to a counsellor because my problems are too heavy My depression goes beyond just feeling down to the point where i think of death 24/7, not just killing myself but just death in general, 4 people i knew well died in the past 6 months so that may have triggered it off, and i also think i have PTSD (witnessed drug abuse from my parents all my life and one specific event where my step father beat my mother almost to death in front of me when i was 15, i never thought it would affect me but looking back that seems to be something that could have triggered off how i feel now) i feel 'suicidal' but at the same time anxious about my health, i constantly think im going to die from an underlying heart condition just because my cousin did, its getting ot the point where i just cannot function. My boyfriend and I broke up last month, it was a pretty emotionally abusive, toxic relationship where he turned out to be a serious narcissist and the mask fell off in the end, he was aggressive, nasty and manipulative, i think that has triggered of PTSD (if i have it) but anyway ive come back to university after the christmas term, i have never ever ever felt so low in my life, im constantly miserable but i dont want to bring up to anyone how im feeling because im constantly down anyway so i just feel like they dontwant to hear it, plus no one understands and gives me advice that often ends up making me feel worse tbh, i really dont want advice like ""join gym, go for walks, eat healthy"" i do all these things, i try and force myself to do everything in the name of 'self-care' but it is just not working.  When i am alone i feel surrounded by the thoughts in my head, when i go out with friends or to parties i feel alone, and then i feel overly anxious because i know im that antisocial weirdo or whatever who doesnt speak to nobody but i really want to make conversation and make friends but i literally feel like i cant engage in small talk anymore not when the concept of death is on your mind 24/7. I really want to go to the university counsellor today before i do something stupid, but im just scared all my problems are way too heavy like do i menntion about the fact i think i may have PTSD and the events that happened to me when i was young because if eel like that could be a key indicator of why i feel like i do now, ive never spoke to a counsellor or anyone before, multiple times i got offered counselling when i was a teen which i refused because i thought i was strong and could handle all the shit that life threw at me, boy was i wrong",7.281868131868133,5.97333227619048,7.456428571428571,77.56837912087916,64.33333333333333,10.743589743589745,34.47802197802198,9.757249324022393,3.0155538461538467,2075,75,422,35,26,675,235,525,0.203,0.6920000000000001,0.106,-0.9953,1,3,3,0,1,1,38.0,0,1,1,3,39,26,4,2,21,0,42,9,3,10,10,106,90,40,9,12,25,4,13,7,2,3,5,3,0,1,20,17,1,1,25,1,0,12,13,14,1,2,16,17,67,12,58,65,6,80,0,5,1,0,22,34,1,10,40,283,87,1,0.0,0.13681095970516102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283420862419727,0.0,0.0,0.0578123717048498,0.17938537945669444,0.0,0.04616994707975214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044622236246428,0.05725672371455705,0.08073806449376537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088787934081968,0.0,0.21116506630862264,0.0,0.09825495094873796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049732823822281017,0.0,0.1871701881702888,0.0,0.1382879674168483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945260905820516,0.0,0.11983778272428698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353278943802852,0.0,0.06695323848190261,0.05907640808581874,0.0,0.0649431031924892,0.10227057051645788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444761605835348,0.0,0.0,0.051887695543848665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503052100842089,0.16498103949215215,0.0554337997234008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921046067209384,0.0,0.03016368969953725,0.05538381930684465,0.16405812658987645,0.0,0.04617524204985169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105408299282877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059251853371246326,0.06136865938927478,0.06507053819902944,0.06841519858304955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741764775280889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387423893223704,0.0,0.031729157096451084,0.0470610054938355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233792833489315,0.19744178991767647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048482111872938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561390064261515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829499317183996,0.0,0.09216563191529874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358431497718729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824425450368244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410689702186798,0.0,0.05511374095045115,0.04002556262029932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915479093251797,0.0,0.0,0.05873634587540118,0.0,0.11048749262670106,0.2024642558483843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095784810931608,0.0,0.0,0.06198482798275477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780191612164425,0.0,0.0,0.05255896559771861,0.060229268295265995,0.0,0.05926323447369635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889307735304347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630349189872045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046404490861164924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038355977438822665,0.1849684331211819,0.0,0.13750330364279387,0.06733044790294608,0.0,0.054725185811000575,0.0,0.0,0.03919767106909845,0.06279813314625092,0.0,0.06010324483601735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621229617484262,0.04582664938661672,0.0,0.0,0.051909898670707375,0.0,0.052096054502164695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203111984606814,0.0,0.05883599067156995,0.04101265542381408,0.06312318626706405,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Girasol247365,2018/02/01,"Scared. I haven't thought about suicide in years, but I'm so sad and I have no one to talk to. I called a suicide hotline but they were no help and sounded like they were watching TV. I'm so sick of struggling through every day. The one thing I've been looking forward to, seeing the love of my life, my ex,didn't happen yet again for the third time this month. He keeps making plans and then says he's busy two hours before we're supposed to meet. I feel ugly and worthless and am starting to think I'm going to be alone and miserable forever. I don't want to live this way.



",2.3502500000000026,3.9300268583333375,3.151666666666668,93.84,76.25,5.466666666666668,24.5,5.6839178017228535,0.3773999999999997,453,15,99,2,10,143,84,120,0.266,0.601,0.133,-0.962,0,1,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,1,5,7,0,3,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,14,23,11,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,5,0,4,4,6,9,2,13,18,0,13,0,3,3,1,10,2,0,0,11,56,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948238004853128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638940547398761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966729024524034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421534146011635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227939160155652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973876985719849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946278562134114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703214055256384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910016313754333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967873146207848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119762118724538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360437577932186,0.09409786976853006,0.0,0.17007518171870922,0.0,0.1617410587554755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383500212308706,0.0,0.1285664201660924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373677332699606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26103047239620125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316852167980158,0.192832835667548,0.0,0.1534825460829079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363279630221893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013542675335725,0.0,0.4213607806060845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480991221182902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279592856188912,0.12341455045426993,0.0,0.15290814869236416,0.11231047400372814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881486892468203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360437977914747,0.15288217663522716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240323539240288
suicidewatch,Witt18,2018/02/01,"My boyfriend is abusive I have no family or friends to help me get out of this situation. 

I feel like the only way out is to kill myself
I can't go through another night like this
It's only my fault he says 
I can't do it anymore 
",-0.556470588235296,1.4707548235294112,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,89.0,5.752941176470588,22.225490196078432,7.1686216300943375,0.7075725490196083,180,7,43,3,6,63,38,51,0.228,0.594,0.17800000000000002,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,3,6,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,27,12,0,0.0,0.3092103101614426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27365292726218404,0.0,0.0,0.2588150735403157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460221023115725,0.0,0.1319557815333189,0.18643915115450047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162707924504614,0.0,0.1363476123215234,0.0,0.1483169603274035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492468938776248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887279392546801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549964344161784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449054656909389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969634268319882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075361907194249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933445671596593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714820656229768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fullmetalraz,2018/02/01,"I have racked up over ten thousand in debt, I'm a garbage soulless sociopath and would be better off dead. I'm not looking to be talked out of it, I have hurt countless people and alienated lots of people out of my life. I'm just trying to think of the best way to do the deed, hanging myself seems to be the only way.",7.2409950248756205,4.726375985074629,7.385671641791045,81.88905472636819,65.26865671641791,9.530348258706468,34.273631840796014,6.42735559955562,2.061073631840796,249,8,54,1,3,81,46,67,0.139,0.764,0.097,-0.4767,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,10,13,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,4,2,14,9,2,9,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,2,0,38,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29300139519556434,0.24692821134316775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29888755926904914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720601920137967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344562577216147,0.0,0.0,0.237364414089396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212342891577032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38712189971228017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541716502790917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440902115195516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889899986155472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895573215611803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432292366828196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833446478351244,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ged12345,2018/02/01,"Feeling like giving up... Having a really hard time at the moment. Briefly:

I've always been a little bit of a loner, but an out-going loner. I had friends, close friends, but never seem to hold onto them or picked the wrong ones. I hit a rough patch where something happened to me—gradually, I started being in pain all the time (joints, muscle etc.), dizzy, couldn't work. Slept in my car for 7 or so months until my parents let me move back home. 

Zoom forward 7 years to now. I'm 38, most of my friends have moved on, I feel intensely lonely all the time, and I'm still living with my parents (jeez, sounds horrible, even as a type it). It's taken this long for me stop being dizzy and in debilitating pain and to feel right again (found some sort of 'cure' and although I can speculate about what happened, no tests came back conclusive). 

I have worked remotely at a decent paying job the past 3 years due to being in better health, lucky for me, and have finally saved enough money to move away...but a part of me thinks, what's the point? The best years of my 30s are behind me and I wasted my 20s on a relationship that messed me up royally. I wake up at night and don't realise where I am or how old I am, and when the truth sets in, and I remember all the crap that came before, the loss of my closest friends, my inability to make new friends, my narcissistic family...I don't know if I want to go through this much longer.

I want my goddamn life back because *this* reality hurts.",5.073232323232325,5.192924824915824,5.70425925925926,83.55416666666667,68.42760942760944,8.754882154882155,27.94781144781145,8.515128840125781,1.7355508417508418,1151,34,243,16,18,374,177,297,0.194,0.672,0.134,-0.9518,4,2,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,1,6,13,19,1,0,19,0,17,7,3,3,5,46,39,21,0,4,6,2,5,1,5,0,4,1,1,0,9,13,0,2,9,0,2,8,5,8,0,1,7,6,30,11,37,26,11,56,0,3,0,0,10,22,2,9,28,153,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271833474416097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340038012591206,0.2293239300522907,0.0,0.06060032993389534,0.0,0.08459186762117983,0.0,0.10432623990079977,0.08792139640723695,0.10853161465550283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274005533467484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271865766259806,0.11087010483788062,0.0656603606027687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079632971326426,0.0710195980862379,0.0,0.1089004430761573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899958262182564,0.3840254056783061,0.0,0.0,0.0953645727960159,0.1129956969509665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581852877025214,0.0,0.08905318088032638,0.0,0.0,0.10566977971125813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971784370102464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642207075790533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865057794725143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463396258240328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165499783949307,0.07021728499058122,0.0485674392248582,0.0996364430178742,0.08778217904506297,0.08797605245164454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635795064366652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934931378947964,0.31697608739171423,0.07307889363272689,0.0,0.07667228015622192,0.09601224971817042,0.0,0.09329096187570553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104315650288297,0.0,0.06736380767770793,0.0,0.21156169787714335,0.0,0.2207694205377085,0.10765297089586247,0.0948995289005016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397600360717212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368555482896207,0.0,0.0,0.10673075122645807,0.1126138545452844,0.08489688096018612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050049930752044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653183233291858,0.0,0.0,0.07036397396685005,0.0,0.07939015524709023,0.08311246842179773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369887749207635,0.0,0.0,0.17390294171086498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727096105732908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474551731621252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869087338543207,0.0,0.1920532470907011
suicidewatch,n0t_A_hUmAn,2018/02/01,"Should I kill myself if I dont feel like living? Im so fucking weird. Im 17, and in highschool at Math&Computers. I feel so fucking lonely, without any love, without anyone. But sometimes I feel good about that, and sometimes dont. I dont...even know what to say right now, only for the fact that I dont know what people know about me. I've been a volunteer from 14 yr old at computer club, mentoring kids, I've been working in IT from 15, more like a freelancer. I've been doing graphic design, photography, and videography, again on freelancing. I've worked so hard to be helpful to people, to everyone. At school, by doing troubleshoot on the PCs, by doing photo at events made by it. I've done stuff like this at my church too. And I have this type of things...for free....for a long time....from 14 yr old.....And i have been happy everytime i saw someone happy by what I made. But it started killin me, with school getting hard, with a very big programme, little sleep hours. I dont even know. I feel like no one really cares that much about me. They care more about what I can do for them. And I dont feel helpful at all. I feel drepessed, and like shit. Dunno what to do.",1.4314830508474579,3.7123424364406814,2.741600000000002,92.22034915254237,82.26271186440678,5.470915254237288,20.880677966101693,6.742157984588678,0.3329442711864403,909,27,193,10,25,293,121,236,0.14,0.742,0.117,-0.5457,0,2,0,1,0,1,58.0,0,0,2,2,11,17,4,0,6,0,20,5,2,2,2,29,40,12,1,2,5,0,8,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,14,8,0,0,10,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,8,10,22,11,32,30,4,20,1,1,1,3,7,13,3,2,12,116,36,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211020572674944,0.0,0.05781091152826525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944219875199721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733503087666409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699654525666893,0.5977988928676913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122989305574104,0.0,0.0,0.08123237914774956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579069990375313,0.12146483571650267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718400329615173,0.044415135523887136,0.0,0.0,0.07130383037832244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180993197208159,0.1523076767137734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139631806285015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371945863448589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365457635548849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405291616907127,0.0,0.1868809587335332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766225751711825,0.08520411624863831,0.07506694098436019,0.0752327318513518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672643188453175,0.1608803643706604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062493424692887885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841108181916693,0.0,0.057606168250031536,0.06465527375423724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787289989445145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446070988335535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725995779795235,0.0,0.06760476314889939,0.0,0.17207287802548002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726334931013112,0.0,0.0,0.08507315381534729,0.0,0.07203018781472445,0.0,0.16815760746353525,0.0,0.06017176081358234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731812555843823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049571040517288736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014360460671598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389660470303466,0.0,0.12377914656856437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway284619374,2018/02/01,"Feeling alone and lost My girlfriend broke up with my last month and it's been the hardest thing to get over ever, I'm only 20 and I'll probably go through worse but my life has always been difficult to me, my parents divorced when I was younger and I coped with it very well but I feel I'm seeing the affects of it coming up, I've never noticed till lately but I'm a very need person I begged her to stay with me and she led me on for weeks telling me that we will get back and to give her time and space while she continued to talk to another guy.. few weeks after the break up she texts me to tell me she fucked him already and that he's way better than I am and it hurt I felt like ending it.. she told me she loved me and cared about me but continued to lie to me about getting back while she talked to this guy still... I would stalk her Twitter and see all the convos between them and just kept hurting my self I still do honestly.. but that's not the only thing, I've never really had friends or felt like someone was there for me especially after this break up the people I thought were friends tell me to quit bitching about it and move on that it's not that hard but it is.. and not because of that IV distanced my self from them and it's led to me feeling even more depressed. I work a part time job so i get every Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday off and that's sounds nice to whoever reads this I'm sure but I sit at home and don't do shit till a co worker and I go to the gym late at night and just sitting here eats at me I try talking to other people to hang out and no one is ever interested and it just makes me feel so annoying to everyone.. and as a result lately I just haven't seen a reason to continue anymore everytime it seems like it's gonna get better my life just shakes and it gets worse again.. I stress about my credit card debt, I stress about what I'm doing with my life,i was academicly suspended from my community college, my dad does nothing but yell and bitch at me for the smallest thing.. I just really hate my life at this point and I don't know what to do anymore",2.853691646191645,3.917153578828832,3.9288943488943495,90.85836609336613,74.02252252252252,6.913349713349715,24.715806715806714,7.229369725052465,0.8436990990990991,1655,50,371,17,33,537,212,444,0.156,0.7390000000000001,0.105,-0.9819,3,1,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,0,2,6,25,30,6,3,13,0,20,8,1,6,6,75,57,43,0,2,18,2,7,3,3,3,4,2,1,5,30,33,1,1,10,2,2,8,9,15,1,1,14,12,61,15,57,40,4,63,0,5,3,2,35,16,4,2,36,249,91,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227063733402737,0.08765842710956097,0.0,0.06609623012094251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329445641646023,0.0,0.0,0.15755622334178365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216112505855364,0.0,0.04842279967439177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050749129466866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098921127485101,0.0,0.0,0.0684261636818797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841719394745012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951404776347328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128177044326032,0.0,0.0,0.07035577572475554,0.0,0.0,0.052466026034585014,0.14370689462819294,0.06692735954920022,0.0759034854216761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065876150188502,0.0,0.152539991171086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274246895567907,0.07343631829993416,0.2490088529063499,0.07620122876513519,0.0902894093727457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730615069166462,0.0,0.0,0.071158100010995,0.0784255537974966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967971749929786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007348372080874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882691693120407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043655363402010386,0.06475007484920513,0.2688182031243111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442897776217002,0.11642369189320692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671261613291979,0.0,0.07169313105322389,0.0,0.053023436577433435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340420803186614,0.0844267657623013,0.0,0.058899998499861626,0.12253023924567695,0.0,0.0,0.07454430633077963,0.0,0.07621996342820113,0.09043720108465007,0.0,0.0,0.05382716840057029,0.12082769654974908,0.0,0.0,0.08820309589560224,0.08602029476951394,0.0,0.11014036561056513,0.06935952213424502,0.0,0.0,0.07509169012501954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564429614605519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448883223578063,0.07945643218441734,0.0,0.10177610805087237,0.08167234403947263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659871897275396,0.07231458233281607,0.165735924649641,0.0,0.08153882025492375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730496346501501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466707258161159,0.12687368494007156,0.0,0.1819849015250884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748664870709139,0.0,0.0,0.19154037775456806,0.20828890580356824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583191254001262,0.0,0.0,0.06306246618586824,0.09263829991727084,0.0,0.0,0.0759034854216761,0.0,0.053931107272476464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108428253728374,0.0,0.06305175477520121,0.1274358283754739,0.0,0.07142154718269321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782957944630643,0.0,0.16190197212468446,0.056428299408189914,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hell0gabby,2018/02/01,"Boyfriend is leaving me and my son. I don't think I'll make it. I've tried to kill myself before. But I haven't thought of it once since we met. He told me he's leaving me 2 days ago and all the thoughts come flooding back. The only time I've ever been truly happy is with him. I know my son will be well taken care of if I'm gone, maybe even better taken care of. I really don't know if I can pull through this. ",0.5383064516129039,1.8225748064516123,2.5200940860215084,97.70014112903229,80.50537634408602,5.08010752688172,19.151881720430108,5.148860815047168,-0.559902150537634,319,7,80,1,8,107,65,93,0.05,0.76,0.19,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,2,16,24,5,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,8,0,13,5,6,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699045587697863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738297878344933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309769453220874,0.0,0.0,0.1695172060544792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908422160090078,0.0,0.0,0.16510738298006816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361177987713125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659672540181327,0.17337717045312478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040370818566584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120552910414154,0.0,0.21067446767466586,0.0,0.0,0.4059033070674523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794171671833762,0.0,0.1925590348070339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041230976738228,0.0,0.14577424551803295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278919309505387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585520284733343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281487990987512,0.0,0.304330337869724,0.1117647580987627,0.0,0.0,0.18314961942484906,0.0,0.1301318604441058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233502667992912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway5000035,2018/02/01,"I struggle with socializing and it makes me want to kill myself. I have really bad anxiety and depression issues and I've made multiple suicide attempts in the past. I can't for the life of me talk to people and I can't function right at all. I've been isolated all my life and my dad was very abusive when I was younger. I don't have any friends. I'm so fucking lonely and frustrated and I just want to kill myself.

I used to not have these problems but everything started piling up on me when I was about 12 or 13, and it got worse when I moved out of my home town for two years. I've tried so hard to move past these problems. I've been to therapists and I've been on multiple medications but nothing works. I feel like something's wrong with me. I can't do anything right. Any time I try to talk to someone or say anything I'm treated like an idiot. I've tried so hard to stay strong and be happy but I'm so ready to die.",1.2702416756176191,3.230486357142862,3.0627497314715377,91.47773899033301,80.83673469387755,6.3712137486573575,24.091299677765843,7.475848149327749,1.0196979591836741,730,27,162,11,19,243,103,196,0.254,0.6509999999999999,0.095,-0.9843,0,2,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,3,9,18,5,1,3,0,15,4,0,3,2,30,27,22,4,4,7,1,3,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,4,13,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,12,0,1,8,4,22,6,23,18,2,20,0,2,0,1,6,9,1,2,10,94,26,1,0.0,0.14346642992646433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468448392667268,0.0,0.09263001956265723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928597711306906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110127307538598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429070009597187,0.0,0.1256675553976704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088237733706426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122442966037421,0.08650345261997018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355029986123063,0.11194152531092223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684307663887654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128897687687777,0.2169375164186322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145855510872995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638172589646016,0.0,0.0,0.2679261674247968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105243479159332,0.11831244589019765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457395792558735,0.08082546218429043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198082799120917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573892906204812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116184732061972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311794806817637,0.08394538840028122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317247997213104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757042454723727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681258462784224,0.0,0.09629199087025292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343134329038452,0.10259528862133097,0.09321747673214434,0.0,0.0,0.0857048878367802,0.12906095332402662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658477785377778,0.0,0.13244780322429073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464775777478674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405895123931981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060588571853335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662716825470535,0.0,0.11828286692665782,0.0,0.0,0.10457893091614928,0.0,0.099908157647417,0.14283864309120606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815163234176601,0.0,0.12339639384195435,0.0,0.13238790516250246,0.0,0.0779750444848978
suicidewatch,soulcream,2018/02/01,Should I keep going? I'm 24. I'm approaching being dead broke. I lost my job months ago. I have been desperately trying to find something but nothing. When I had a job though. I absolutely hated it. Never found work that I really liked. I havn't finished school and I have terrible credit so I can't get anymore loans to finish. My car that I worked so hard to afford keeps breaking down and is now a money pit. No relationships and just friends that feel sorry for me. I can't even relate to their super-successful lives at all. My family lets me live with them so I got that going for me. I hate that I am constantly failing them (My family). I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. I want to fall asleep forever. I have zero hope things will get any better soon. I have anxiety and depression and no medication has worked to date. Don't know how long I can keep going like this. ,1.1462142857142863,3.580768050000003,3.158412698412697,87.68500000000002,85.16666666666666,6.5396825396825395,19.12698412698413,7.793537801064563,0.8343650793650794,699,19,143,14,21,235,116,180,0.235,0.6509999999999999,0.113,-0.9655,3,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,6,11,13,2,0,3,0,18,2,1,1,2,23,39,12,1,4,2,0,2,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,3,4,0,3,6,7,7,0,1,5,2,29,6,15,30,1,22,0,4,0,0,5,4,0,1,13,95,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495228631294645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818591924259428,0.0,0.09920380147324133,0.0,0.1286063610665307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146902151798557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013653616602076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169201903091287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713030318908494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444989535379628,0.0,0.06556941468885033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185239238331907,0.0,0.0,0.14218593080014647,0.10018939236991233,0.0,0.20325520481769452,0.0,0.22109807158335915,0.0,0.10371585145183364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616658623468533,0.25606161088652285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880014561067793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737207266321577,0.3457929897298243,0.0,0.0,0.07126798686955628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326051911450256,0.0,0.12670886230317102,0.0,0.2290172225427985,0.11476151197165085,0.0,0.0,0.14155954976430712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063758272658169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350824992288482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001615839581296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443014854273195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307545473175565,0.0,0.0,0.13922632401983268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124170268424667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983294939624712,0.0,0.14516461587904345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615272344517336,0.0,0.1274086013005562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804328140762842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297563855464966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28322277407464197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pkkba_,2018/02/01,Help I want to kill myself but I can't. I'm afraid of the pain. I'm afraid I don't know what happens after death. I don't know what to do.,-3.345882352941178,-1.8205744117647031,-0.09682352941176477,107.86829411764708,101.94117647058823,2.72,9.741176470588236,3.1291,-2.3380400000000003,106,1,31,0,5,37,20,34,0.355,0.561,0.084,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,10,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38991248922030297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955457407855256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878231482997985,0.0,0.4846466295781688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691800620783476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600716355605005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thewatchfuleye1,2018/02/01,Not me but what do I do? Got a cryptic text from a long time friend an hour and a half after sent. Wouldn’t respond to texts or phone call. Called 911 for a welfare check around 10:30. Haven’t heard back. No way to contact anyone. Texts go unanswered. Don’t have family phone numbers even though I’ve known him for 15 years.,0.43439393939393867,2.8821730454545467,0.8578787878787892,101.97348484848487,91.27272727272728,3.539393939393938,16.424242424242426,5.033348758259628,-1.0006848484848478,255,6,57,1,9,76,53,66,0.045,0.8859999999999999,0.069,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,1,3,1,7,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,6,31,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369959118917107,0.0,0.0,0.2466075070742716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130121231174216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657390230921254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829698210753068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115083479926715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402581137322876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743747265169705,0.0,0.2215590766064987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27280997763451303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245154952367265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27217182003260426,0.0,0.1615332286593461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988645151241126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839250315070365
suicidewatch,eleventwentyseventy,2018/02/01,"If I had a quick, painless way out, I would take it. I'm done. I'm broken. I really hoped I would never make a post on here, but look at me now, reaching out for help when nobody cares and nobody wants to give it. I get it, it'd be a lot of work to look after me. But I just feel nothing. I've made posts on Reddit wanting advice, and gotten maybe one comment. It's my way of reaching out for help, but it's only reminded me that I am not worth the help. I won't ever be. I can't see a future for me, my family will hate me because I'm trans, and I don't think the hospital would care enough to keep me. Went to a clinic a few months back, they talked to me for an hour and sent me on my way. 

I want to say I'm scared, but I feel so hollow inside. My world feels detached. I can't find joy in the subject I'm studying. I know I need help, I'm fully aware. But I also know I don't deserve it. I'm a waste of space and air, and that's it. I just feel nothing. Nothing at all. I don't think being dead would be so different.",-0.17235426929392614,1.1627806767241395,2.5530541871921213,96.43545977011496,82.75,5.28111658456486,17.94417077175698,5.916634753146586,-0.4930105090311985,775,16,197,5,21,272,119,232,0.099,0.741,0.16,0.9194,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,1,11,6,1,1,11,0,19,1,0,2,3,43,54,16,1,10,9,0,4,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,9,0,1,2,8,2,0,1,6,8,32,4,23,37,4,29,0,0,3,0,10,12,0,3,10,124,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334159511947815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275512297923427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918719064827334,0.0,0.07070487381665996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23651387372083346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118220004207468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869543276489475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984604269602278,0.0,0.0,0.10491729019794704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093426465608194,0.0,0.23458696184266695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601042928948014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060598656150832673,0.11126573227368848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451359530097895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109757750507205,0.0,0.0,0.11520171022984554,0.11422427573583738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309497610553596,0.0,0.0,0.12748733991074634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480049397931865,0.0,0.0,0.09860838342951833,0.0,0.10975013097365297,0.07742252446662552,0.0,0.11652498470407495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258007712241316,0.0,0.0,0.08600322554122307,0.08945667291902165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338792634506478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859609884727785,0.08821368338421047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216783309602545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430453139508676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223787674846423,0.11612367302560228,0.0,0.0924269818196112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720812863615064,0.0932263199085134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864015097782612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052372119003722,0.2761963204488498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075215294760795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444024602286625,0.0,0.0,0.32957663052718894,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jets98,2018/02/01,"Losing The Will To Live and No longer Fearing Death I’ve been battling depression since early childhood. My depression grew worse and my life became increasingly unstable when I turned to alcohol, drugs and gambling to cope in my teenage years, which I used through my early 30s.  I’ve been sober from drugs and alcohol for 2 years, and for a brief period my life got better. But like always, I burnt it all to the ground in predictable and pathetic fashion.

I was prescribed  anti-depressants which have improved my mood over the last year. For the past 4 months I’ve been meeting with a psychologist weekly.  And yet I have been unable to shake free of the self destructive compulsion which has manifested in so many baffling forms throughout my life. 

Over the past 6 months I gambled heavily and frequently, losing my life savings and going into 50K+ debt. I destroyed all the progress I had made in my sobriety. I can no longer pay my bills and the facade is about to crumble. I smile to keep up appearances but inside I’m numb. Some days I feel incapable of putting on the show and can’t bear to face co-workers. I have stopped communication with the few friends I have left because I’m tired of hearing myself talk about trying to fix the same problems over and over again. 

I exist on the margins of society. I’m a lonely man, and haven’t had a significant relationship with a woman in my life. I’m emotionally stunted and behave more like a 16 year old boy than a man in his mid 30s.

As a teenager and in my early 20s I struggled with suicidal ideation but whenever I thought about acting on it I grew terrified at the notion I might kill my self just before things got better and I’d miss out on this wonderful life I’d always imagined. And for a long time, almost 20 years, this idea, this fear of missing out, kept me from seriously considering taking my life. Suicide was always plan B. If and when things got bad enough I would turn to it. 

However, over the last year or so, I have noticed my hope for the future has evaporated. I’ve accepted that this is who I am. I can’t lie to myself anymore and pretend things will get better magically in 3-5 years.

No matter what I do, things will never change, and I will always be me. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And the maddening part? Is that the metaphorical shoe is me, manifested by self-hatred and an unshakeable twisted perception of myself. I no longer fear dying. I welcome the peace, the quiet that will come when my existence is no more. I think about my family though and how it will impact them. I would t want to do that to them. And yet the pain of existence feels to much to hear anymore. I don’t want to be a f*ck up anymore.

Thanks for listening.
",4.476583175803402,6.048243102079398,5.22672920604915,81.14470628544427,70.72022684310018,8.465803402646504,28.72594517958413,8.982922981607832,2.342401474480152,2167,82,411,42,40,702,263,529,0.209,0.6920000000000001,0.099,-0.9962,2,2,4,0,0,1,56.0,0,0,2,7,15,34,4,5,32,0,39,17,3,3,3,70,72,37,5,7,6,0,2,2,1,9,14,4,0,6,22,32,2,4,9,2,6,10,10,21,0,0,14,6,55,13,68,47,12,70,0,7,0,0,18,26,0,8,35,273,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935833352597952,0.06997350648459333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907237236489708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079029250995612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834586436541475,0.04259745708669958,0.0,0.059461696905077514,0.0,0.0,0.1854063128639095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392248605674873,0.060194383444289463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506603364341006,0.0,0.18055947835107392,0.0,0.07252314357009622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620744048002764,0.0,0.0,0.07860422463844433,0.0,0.07220346187155899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587549688156265,0.2358991725698996,0.07066562388686186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539881738479919,0.0,0.036508779601110375,0.0,0.03971372232709815,0.0,0.1676653372135527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751693253033594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940539800063904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888463951991376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621114724268854,0.07731051919027933,0.0,0.0,0.1139210683106479,0.0,0.0,0.07592350141016857,0.0,0.3455021534000751,0.06827848661710424,0.0,0.06170424499219705,0.061840523361079175,0.0,0.1563529661429198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661209933919473,0.0,0.07084611732371361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413034514706629,0.0,0.0,0.11155315466742542,0.0,0.0513689453318042,0.0,0.05389482478489425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955745677964028,0.07332602712681738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435595116677968,0.0,0.0,0.07567191157200773,0.1334144092712624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686455730661857,0.0,0.07024747684093591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750236607648782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186964297436476,0.0,0.0,0.05780445080972505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842179095112445,0.0,0.07305247554969503,0.0,0.15287209205880925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254014775307452,0.056165918235725705,0.0,0.06433499421326863,0.0,0.0,0.18569743166673955,0.04477550210369359,0.06865554879649716,0.055475947594880747,0.040746879897959117,0.08031538064713313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744310620462621,0.15201609784712988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035283170137697,0.0,0.0,0.08243263257155159,0.0,0.05605254412213464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757805585537686,0.05087258575238225,0.0,0.07121244905507322,0.09927976402351618,0.0,0.0,0.31499751305876045
suicidewatch,Shugerbear,2018/02/01,"I think I might do it tonight I've been on a bender for a week, I lost my job, and my girlfriend is moving out tomorrow...",-0.8811111111111103,0.9467682962962982,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,88.25925925925927,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.0020222222222221475,92,3,23,1,3,32,22,27,0.103,0.897,0.0,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,3,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237003922682346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466086597071757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529461462123167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537999856399943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735841993228883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424884073471968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,killme_luna14,2018/02/01,"I could die right now I could die right now, with the blink of an eye. Blade is sharp. Cold against my skin, gives me goosebumps. It wont last. I wont last. I try. I try. I fail. I fail. I love. I love. Then love dumps me. Anything dumps me. Just another flightless birds. Naked. Featherless.  Hopeless. Defective, in pain. Wouldn't it just be beautiful to rest? Sleep my dear, sleep. Awake in a better life. Life doesn't exist without you. So DIE. Die to live a happy life. 
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suicidewatch,minas-13,2018/02/01,"I Still Want To Kill Myself? Generally I can fully function, but sometimes I have this burning urge to kill myself. I have a good footing for where I am in life and I have things in my life that make me happy. But sometimes I break into an emotional/suicidal fit & it hurts a lot and there's no specific reason; I just want to kill myself. Does anyone else have experience with this? Any advice on how to better manage these tendencies?",3.8693109243697488,5.766223494117647,5.1104201680672245,80.05117647058826,72.88235294117648,7.680672268907562,25.084033613445378,8.418075326091056,1.7759915966386557,347,11,63,6,7,115,60,85,0.225,0.596,0.179,-0.8334,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,3,0,6,3,1,3,0,14,9,5,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,13,3,10,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976596272021535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882352929116809,0.0,0.11814167365228295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147535232512405,0.17800588516461538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153649177660826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203141378894314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451282824517199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699402925600027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457156380347821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493774507771765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598048171546624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5766161768263701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454198531244124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476981784802799,0.0,0.0,0.11596545282824695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862234082565512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34364483551504765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874019938878798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003132257988786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541782435260844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493972418834586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LGBTFO,2018/02/01,"I'm surprised I'm still here. Hopefully I won't be. I have a plan, but it's not time-dependent at all, so it kinda just depends on me deciding it's time. I have to be sure I'm not gonna psych myself out, though. I've been sorta-planning for months. 

It's fucked up because I know everyone's gonna be shocked. I'm really good at putting on a normal/happy face for show.",0.9695818815331024,2.324636585365856,3.512717770034847,90.7425609756098,79.48780487804878,7.124738675958188,23.90940766550523,7.957251820313856,1.1335066202090591,288,10,68,5,7,101,54,82,0.121,0.737,0.141,-0.1307,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,1,2,12,16,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,9,9,1,10,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499898961015758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743136156108572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26539732501205954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407858999476661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055979576619016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28513144573118304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776957420444795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914148742367574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812737281868005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885908763240496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839083674954881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292594276036031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705659251668708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820509131816055,0.0,0.3347928866925593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeChevalierMalFet,2018/02/01,"If I didn't live with my mom I probably would have killed myself already. I just want everything to stop. I'm sorry I just don't have anyone to tell this to. I know I'll get up in the morning the same as always. I'll get ready in the morning, drive to work, do everything else that needs to be done. I exercise and meditate habitually. I walk my dog. But I don't know how long I can keep going. I'm barely hanging on to a routine, and this is the best my life and job circumstances are likely to get. I'm not looking for anything; again, I just don't have anyone I can tell that to.",0.4090523076923063,2.3836600960000034,2.886400000000002,91.49458461538464,84.04,6.086153846153848,20.815384615384616,7.321109707123232,0.5744523076923076,452,14,103,7,13,156,72,125,0.07,0.86,0.07,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,5,0,15,2,0,1,0,19,28,7,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,2,1,15,2,15,24,2,11,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,67,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118412825576334,0.0,0.15169690897207275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25495142792201464,0.0,0.15002597636936293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132358220917145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656689946823926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229699743493902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276977756014577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857490754272702,0.0,0.10361123690184457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180915002570974,0.16204591528689985,0.20169951466279326,0.0,0.2003861241713764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877127087273949,0.08906768287692178,0.0,0.16098347803005186,0.16133902189588606,0.15309487201832653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351980968492973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351808975268274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656151300418695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040816362336044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524197095555735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31869475889684806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753143398983196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327241876444027,0.0,0.0,0.1295081214633575,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lavish_in_Lavender,2018/02/01,"I been feeling really sad lately Hi, I've been feeling really down lately. I just can't stop thinking about killing myself. I want to be happy, but I don't have many friends, and I end up feeling alone. My mind keeps telling me that I'm useless and that I'm annoying, and I know its not true, but I can't help but listen. My grandmother has told me that I am useless multiple times. My mother has gotten better, but when I was young, she would always swear at me. My dad has always been calm and supportive, but he is starting to get angry, he'll shout at me seemingly out of nowhere. He once told me that he'd make me bleed, after I had a nose bleed. I hope that I am not overreacting. I'd love to hear from other people.",3.03498181818182,4.059303880000002,4.517515151515153,86.96209090909092,73.53333333333333,7.587878787878788,24.96969696969697,8.00094639256281,1.2691333333333326,562,17,121,8,11,188,91,150,0.227,0.637,0.136,-0.9597,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,3,13,2,0,1,0,18,4,1,1,1,27,40,10,1,3,8,2,3,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,7,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,8,7,25,8,12,28,0,14,0,3,0,1,16,5,0,2,9,75,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328050370984655,0.0,0.0,0.2784271137265587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479702215487578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481851198865125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537876697619715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926165115797286,0.0,0.08741146063375461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781023467127514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856813754747476,0.0,0.11214294361263602,0.0,0.0,0.1661744731373714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487109288852291,0.18510137776751925,0.0,0.09194803401392897,0.0,0.3774611465540896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100189161048938,0.0,0.11167930742119846,0.16962392781016994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893326219515695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817742923575158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599021625599895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436342102322226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231080806292488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842137684779558,0.0,0.0,0.13987687716963124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898589967380316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623445935830934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720413232806532,0.0,0.0,0.0975585688446418,0.0,0.0,0.3197396936114675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868252096744684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885071590295082,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeusEx-Machinist,2018/02/01,"I'm done trying. I want this to be over. I've attempted twice since last May. I can't keep up this façade that everything is okay anymore... No one cares, they say they do but no one is there when I needed them. No one answers the phone or texts me back. They just keep me around as a number; just one more person they can say they know. I'm not into being part of the popularity contest anymore. I just want to die. I want it to be over.",-0.13530791788856433,2.006182096774197,1.7911436950146644,97.2794428152493,88.24731182795698,4.672140762463343,15.981427174975565,6.11248444174946,-0.6738731182795696,337,7,80,3,11,111,61,93,0.129,0.737,0.134,-0.5346,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,6,1,7,3,0,0,3,1,10,0,0,0,0,17,20,4,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,2,13,3,10,15,2,8,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,3,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618050550378416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238431151313718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402626682648253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597999762411116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931364196773875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866696101697943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393909155210706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242702528951299,0.0,0.0,0.10024822138633104,0.148689172015132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525531868546484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494425195340025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753315244134625,0.0,0.0,0.15927410032380396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29012082595679684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089212306630204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384497940549068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227718998561917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymoususer0119,2018/02/01,"Being good looking with a bad personality sucks (repost from other forum) I notice people say stuff like, ""attractive people don't have to try in life"", and ""looks are the main thing that matters"". I guess I can understand why people think that because of the media and whatnot. I've learned throughout life that it isn't completely like that. I've been rejected and broken up with by men based on how I'm boring, uninteresting, no fun, depressing, etc. Men never feel a ""connection"" with me. And I've also fucked up for years with having sex with men right away and by basically basing my relationships on sex. 

I've had the same shitty personality for years now and it feels so difficult to change. It won't seem authentic to me to be fun since I haven't been for so long. Every time a guy rejects me or breaks up with me, the girl they get with after me is always not as good looking as me. It makes me feel like shit because I know they must have such a better personality than me, and even though they don't look as good they can still get a guy that I want. I know that it sounds mean but it's how I feel. 

This is happening even now with an ex boyfriend that I'm still in love with and it hurts so much. I'm still his friend, and he was saying that he likes this girl because they ""have fun interactions and makes him smile even when he doesn't want to"". I know me and him never had fun interactions. All we did was go out to dinner and have sex, and that was all my doing so it's my fault. I wish I could change and get him to like me again. I want to have hope that if I keep being his friend maybe he'll like me again but it seems like such a small chance. I just want to start over with him.

No, I don't think I'm perfect by the way. I do have some insecurities about myself like the majority of people do. Whenever I think about wanting to get work done to fix some subtle things, I come back to remember that getting even better looking isn't going to help me get a man and most likely won't make me feel better about myself. 

So basically, I want to ctb because I'm not with the man I'm in love with, and I hate who I am and wish I was someone else. And because I don't think I'm going to go anywhere in life with trying to get a career, but that's a different story. Yes, I know there are definitely people who have it worse. Everyone is different though with how much they can take in life, and whatever problems someone has, they are still problems for them even if other people consider them as only slight problems.

So I don't know what to do anymore. Is there a chance I could start over with this guy?",4.6948051143404275,4.8217868234200765,5.551081446434608,84.30155063647632,69.24163568773234,8.602996507829223,25.96845781232399,8.391295532112219,1.3946399008674102,2053,52,447,28,33,674,215,538,0.112,0.708,0.18,0.9898,2,1,0,0,0,0,55.0,1,0,9,5,35,42,4,1,18,1,51,12,1,6,6,99,117,42,0,17,9,1,5,9,2,4,4,3,0,13,33,37,1,1,20,0,0,5,17,16,0,0,10,13,60,26,65,98,11,42,0,4,5,6,46,16,3,10,28,300,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887585027877013,0.0508548720370486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061239470107317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057422147027086326,0.046995784565829715,0.05103077638371231,0.18628409491818965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216107507861602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293089714830286,0.052647538167620286,0.06408080813690559,0.0,0.0,0.0975951157022293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052640636795245686,0.0,0.0,0.12771010108054967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625446877137946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105604569442082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816245771512687,0.201838519034982,0.0,0.051494348458668,0.05840063845127329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545148782097545,0.043662539677192864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944388589308467,0.05650238392086177,0.22352054797556525,0.0,0.13893852498243522,0.15378803114486975,0.0,0.0,0.06732810268741055,0.1815485728027301,0.05404623297850224,0.0,0.0,0.06034113436588673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040965945959411484,0.0,0.0,0.06070372568329997,0.0,0.0,0.06542782572993035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054324272932672855,0.0,0.0,0.16794361157041698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726771243173291,0.2687314515128681,0.0,0.0,0.05408729399099608,0.25661762585596426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032232848910528,0.0,0.1223897373802968,0.0,0.06140100431333999,0.06657515750033118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985717122560306,0.0,0.09427556800298484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958297440161372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046482810255027665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25422815441924784,0.16009701080834832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544432543873134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561760113797185,0.06923450744278317,0.0521942327650591,0.0,0.09720659105802433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127862585260367,0.0,0.0,0.06273650195372027,0.05055724232278085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356975876562326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865189296464886,0.0,0.19523488709386486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699652124574197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045952949027586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120784749254885,0.1566471701241227,0.1200957770097538,0.0,0.03563825712451511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298989379998313,0.0,0.0,0.06362574318742792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162930287466828,0.04851243278076541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514927178851165,0.0,0.14056481459586506,0.0,0.0,0.04449445690498502,0.0,0.062284218478731834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871566672858434
suicidewatch,SuperSonic096,2018/02/01,"I can't do it. I want to kill myself so badly. My depression gets worse every day. Nothing makes me feel better. Video games, chatting, not even the companionship of my cats. Nothing works. I'm just a hideous, ugly, literally autistic, disgusting motherfucker who deserves all the hatred he gets from his mother and father, who thinly veil their abuse by saying it's for my own good.

But at the same time I don't have the guts to do it. I'm afraid of facing death. I'm afraid of hurting my genuine friends that I've made online. I'm afraid that I'm misinterpreting what my parents do and say to me. I'm afraid of hurting my family. I can't even think of a real way to kill myself. I haven't even attempted cutting myself because I'm such a fucking coward. I wish someone else could kill me. I just want it to end. I want to fade out of existence. Anything, really. I just want the pain to stop.

This post will probably be lost in the sea of posts from other people, but that's how it is. I'm not special. I'm just a piece of filth. I don't even deserve to be called human.",1.3148359683794482,3.5295939500000064,3.265889328063242,88.68448616600794,82.22727272727273,5.8260869565217375,21.83794466403162,7.079830092131019,0.6973043478260871,839,27,174,11,23,282,122,220,0.222,0.736,0.042,-0.9842,1,0,0,0,1,5,31.0,0,0,1,4,11,20,6,4,10,0,14,4,2,3,1,26,36,6,4,6,8,3,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,13,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,16,0,0,2,4,24,4,23,30,4,12,1,4,0,1,16,4,1,0,5,105,37,1,0.0,0.1466045443828061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182253050946824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331271283000344,0.07542709151970768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943265854465098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634623753181792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879152226041328,0.0,0.0,0.0797981869465411,0.0,0.1065719038159008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336387099818437,0.0,0.109591588471032,0.0,0.0,0.3269005323109267,0.0,0.10425122272638024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664539322332634,0.0,0.06256362286325085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559657332422897,0.1143900794362546,0.12929180512541,0.0,0.0,0.1037821998427905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649195896962786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106799798776289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135070266010041,0.0,0.0,0.11708009259326445,0.08259339877719954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374522000291554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316616886842938,0.0,0.13739195236903054,0.0,0.0,0.08578156873192515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370059173448456,0.0,0.13340616831301785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408363688274022,0.07926716204032902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679646948045665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048394077406272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344715563294936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928374428882673,0.0,0.0,0.07215028429867304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29192605129127425,0.09821428149315294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422879814246797,0.0,0.0,0.09007981799428144,0.0,0.126095506153973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PencilPaperBook,2018/02/01,"I need someone to talk to, please. Hi, I'm going to kill myself in a few days.
Before I do I want to tell someone everything about me.
I'm terrible at writing coherent texts and I think I need to feel like I'm talking to a real person.
If you've got some time to kill and for whatever reason feel like you want to listen to my pathetic crying talk to me, please.
",2.2362770562770566,3.4276934285714304,4.5864285714285735,85.0377380952381,75.75324675324677,7.730735930735931,24.52164502164502,8.344100000000001,1.4951489177489183,282,9,60,5,6,99,47,77,0.223,0.636,0.141,-0.9022,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,14,14,3,2,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,10,2,14,13,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,4,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443326197509033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863176596976878,0.10938972542137952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244192701471485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152814589540996,0.24235059311721546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639794829065086,0.0,0.1356591925055105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753148783106009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573379770519353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515395348869325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810409492343946,0.0,0.3723797596871172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306267855051112,0.0,0.17439578910059514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28743394969036595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408998121897784,0.14825380821263445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868451214240964,0.0,0.0,0.0989057532571975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000904520267689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,M5F96533D,2018/02/01,"I don’t know what to do I just don’t want to live anymore. Nothing makes me happy or gives me pleasure anymore. I don’t feel affection towards anyone including my family. I don’t know why having affection toward someone makes me angry. I can’t even hug my parents or siblings. Life seems meaningless. I’ve had therapies and taken meds for over 8 years and I feel it hasn’t helped me. My social anxiety doesn’t allow me to function within society. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I communicate with people normally? Everyday I just think of death but Im just scared of the pain. I feel like I am going insane. I wish I can end my life now, I feel if I live longer I will end up in a psycho ward. ",0.4941666666666649,2.876885638888893,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,88.44444444444444,6.255555555555558,21.194444444444443,7.594959193182576,1.131419444444445,548,19,111,11,18,189,88,144,0.171,0.7,0.129,-0.7881,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,14,4,0,5,0,27,29,6,1,4,7,1,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,8,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,4,25,4,14,26,0,12,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,4,6,69,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505059615259497,0.0,0.2982998290385332,0.1051586140147462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664079580663852,0.0,0.0,0.09933347134436817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417775828420033,0.0,0.30417383758680944,0.10744112805086213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427112449792906,0.08547207723256434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009664988938635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080557562822934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245075983465068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165304640632132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245471704573984,0.07347465484842867,0.0,0.265600386189511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007776237663763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705324610466582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735367320230805,0.14430659467277282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600292601253164,0.0,0.16699415528164585,0.0,0.0,0.10426389873728352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057010407323046,0.0,0.0,0.13691257056903106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533072074962538,0.12742790268275167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198804472071885,0.0,0.0,0.09636606567404042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870596767042058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714134365956894,0.0,0.17294507323778965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443165492409592,0.0,0.09684846657021752
suicidewatch,ToughActinTanactin,2018/02/01,"Divorce (more held captive), and everybody has left me. I don’t know what to do. Currently I’m planning on ending it this weekend. I’ve already got things in order. I guess this is my last outreach for hope that somebody actually cares?

I was forced into a marriage one story, but trust me for sake of brevity...forced).

The three friends who I considered close, after I got out  me they know the whole story have bailed on me. One was the person who got me out of it. Another is who I considered my best friend...she says “not for nothing I was gone for four years...” and the other is just not willing to deal with the emotions I have. 

I have no one to go to. No one to even talk to. I don’t know why I’m talking here even. I see hundreds of thousands of people like a tweet from a celebrity, maybe I figure just reaching out here before I leave this world in the next few days will let me say goodbye to a great amount of people at one.

Or, you know, three. 

Who knows. 

Anyways. Please, people, tell those you care for how you feel. They have no idea. 

Good bye",1.3712531860662691,3.5504035000000047,2.4849447748513183,94.57209855564993,81.75700934579439,5.0124044180118945,21.876805437553106,6.11248444174946,0.1803719626168223,815,26,176,6,22,259,125,214,0.052000000000000005,0.763,0.18600000000000005,0.9866,1,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,3,2,2,8,9,0,0,10,0,17,0,0,1,0,26,36,5,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,14,8,0,1,8,1,0,2,7,0,0,9,8,4,26,9,29,25,5,23,0,0,1,0,20,12,0,3,10,126,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.11605204293503445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123488325324728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470151044114025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119501891171867,0.0,0.12480272769278156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425005795083078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669572790869357,0.1226047606426864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133772771596586,0.10533079725340948,0.0,0.0,0.15709551331111213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601312232734881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837597834544872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758688519032609,0.09974727077747644,0.2853416207958292,0.13111342251450295,0.1310074868577101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811772836658292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424999627584006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267858384157591,0.0969384096163828,0.0,0.12592266540870192,0.12921057690820528,0.12160719130715353,0.0,0.058099945882064026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947449793701387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647634085516118,0.0,0.0,0.11411016980221113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40292772719231496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24733944868141397,0.10383928950050554,0.0,0.13054213555090427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891452557283804,0.0,0.0,0.0947665196161608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911721815518174,0.10394425703423127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790073950436178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073098336453894,0.13277368269833115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658274377876663
suicidewatch,Nuwamba,2018/02/01,"tried to kill myself today but i got too scared. i tried talking to my mom about my suicidal thoughts and she said she would be glad if i did it and that i was a bipolar liar. 

so i tried to kill myself today by hanging myself but i got too scared and it was so painful i stopped. now my ears are filled with immense pressure like im perpetually ascending on an airplane or something. i wish i could go through with it",1.9634883720930207,3.9407394767441914,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,78.65116279069767,5.695348837209302,27.02906976744186,6.6274283507984215,1.0091441860465125,329,14,71,3,8,106,55,86,0.343,0.561,0.096,-0.9844,0,0,1,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,3,2,0,7,3,1,0,0,14,13,9,3,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,7,2,17,2,9,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443988053302856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027846366975382,0.0,0.2892941408735899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535552277980647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40018075175234014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835710970875367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181636975325302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924435429152023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203547841838926,0.0,0.3621368275060744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923179013709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120372018196618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978271177156293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453652078516844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357946787326828,0.0,0.0,0.3428606957002801,0.0,0.0,0.36836807148529577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079754827182644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847491847435774,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maker99MC,2018/02/01,"Suicidal friend has tried to seek help, but hasn't worked and they've given up. My friend has been in a situation where he feels completely trapped and has been talking about suicide very often for months. He's been very open about what his problems are and that he is legitimately considering suicide. I've tried to be there for him, but I live in a different state so I can only do so much. There isn't really anyone in his area that can be there for him, in fact thats part of the reason he's feeling suicidal. I did try calling the suicide hotline myself and they gave me a site (yourlifeyourvoice) for him to talk to people who can help, as well as the number of the police station in his area just incase. I tried to get him to talk to the people on the site only to find out that he has been calling the suicide hotline weekly for months now. He said they referred him to the same site only for the people on the site to refer him back to the hotline. The hotline hasn't been any help to him and he told me he just feels like a lost cause at this point. I've gone from website to website trying to find a solution but I always find they same stuff about being there for the person and calling the suicide hotline. I wish I could be there in person but all I can do is talk to him online, and I can't find any other solutions. The only bit of reassurance I have for his safety is the police department number the suicide hotline gave me. I was wondering if there was anything else I could do to help him. I'd rather not have my only option be to wait until he attempts suicide so I can call the police and have him taken to the hospital, that is if he even tells me when he's about to do it.

Edit: He just told me that he is killing himself this weekend.",5.31417857142857,5.159696441666668,6.009603174603175,82.51,67.91666666666666,8.523809523809524,29.08730158730159,7.957251820313856,1.7579801587301591,1389,43,285,15,21,455,146,360,0.16899999999999998,0.723,0.108,-0.9909,1,1,0,0,0,7,24.0,0,0,3,3,24,8,1,0,24,0,41,0,0,2,2,44,57,21,10,7,11,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,13,10,0,1,11,1,0,2,5,3,1,0,17,4,39,5,49,33,6,31,0,1,0,0,55,20,0,5,9,206,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586916326842613,0.0,0.0,0.09132040647873467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046948626206733415,0.0,0.05525376769429141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162956970815534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330382698984665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742460091180576,0.0,0.0,0.06897535462203314,0.0,0.0,0.07039917688840662,0.0,0.0,0.10721799573886473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015115958898126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609017265177188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434796007591011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185002866761028,0.047967666817883,0.0,0.0,0.2454734949720563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375053199716096,0.0,0.035079953962206374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002075565814055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074284856509057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032803153012875466,0.0,0.05928935716966946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732955767567667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718735528352616,0.0,0.04935854490386693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553300806087456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271037824823504,0.0,0.1396475273434187,0.11725505249686982,0.0,0.0,0.06347275613178277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424771295143894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04301414760807605,0.0690351857482201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386929292734174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547263744346316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686378357310597,0.6610014644572632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587112442338446,0.05868679077988868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831788475399222,0.0,0.2279317467834144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080161712096713,0.0,0.0,0.053858844057587216,0.0,0.060370494249552924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721225383018583,0.0,0.07281477316803094,0.048881611098216184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RosemaryKitty,2018/02/01,"It is all my fault. I have no one to talk to. I’m 17 and I hate myself.

I don’t even know where to start. I just hate myself. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t make friends. I can’t get into relationships. It is all my fault. I am an awful, annoying person. Nothing seems real anymore. I can’t talk to anyone because no one cares. I don’t care. I don’t like myself. I am a mess, I don’t like sleeping and I don’t like waking up. 

I always try to change. But it is all my fault I can’t because It is never enough. I try too hard. How can I stop? I can’t talk about these things because everyone just seems to go away because they are annoyed by me. I hate myself so much. 

I always think of Lip Gallagher's speech to his friend, about starting over. I wish I could start over. I have everything too. I just...don’t like myself and I mess it all up. I am a loser. I am my own worst enemy. I am embarrassing and annoying. And maybe it may just be high school, I don’t know. I don’t really care. I am weak, I let everyone push me over. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I had someone to talk to. People always come and go, but it seems like everytime I try to talk about my problems everything ignores me. Why is it cool to not care? 

I take everything seriously. I don’t have any good comebacks. I feel crazy. I can’t even finish a screenplay. I’ll probably delete this when I feel better. I just don’t know how it’s so easy for everyone. 

My only real friend told me she doesn’t like to talk to me anymore. I don’t blame her. I am mean to her, and I don’t know why. I want to die. I really hate myself. I can’t accept myself because...well, if you knew, you’d understand. I can’t change, I mean, I can keep trying, but it’s never enough. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be. I don’t know how to be the person I want to be. It feels so good to cry. I haven’t cried in a long time. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow but I have too. I already missed too many days. Its not like my school cares. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so alone and I can’t talk to anyone. Can anyone help me? I just need you to understand that I am much better then where I was a year ago, but I still don’t like myself. I’ve stopped doing things that I use to do, so maybe that can give me some hope. I just don’t know what to do. 

I am aware of all the things I do. I just wish I wasn’t. We always tell ourselves stories of how our lives will be, who we will be...but those are just stories. Life isn’t a story, it’s life. 

I can’t even breath sometimes. I feel so tired and weak. I feel like I am doomed. And it’s all my fault. I feel so mad at myself. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I am pathetic. 
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suicidewatch,yeahyeah97,2018/02/01,"I wanna make sure this is done right. I’m going to commit tonight, but I need to make sure I actually die this time. Is 30 x 25mg Chlorpromazines going to do it? It’s all I’ve got but I’m questioning if it will be enough... has anyone take this overdose before? Any advice would be appreciated... 

*I dont want help on how to kill myself, I was peoples experience on taking this and obviously if they survived*",0.8222891566265034,3.232926951807233,3.5698915662650634,84.25146385542172,86.71084337349397,6.211566265060243,20.34819277108434,7.554174236665415,0.9133624096385548,319,10,65,6,10,112,58,83,0.205,0.725,0.07,-0.931,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,11,0,0,3,5,18,22,6,2,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,7,2,7,15,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,2,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.19709702279179675,0.0,0.0,0.19736618849579105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734892117151198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122458295191673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186459147491784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961662870214984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668903708273104,0.23671146398478035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086926395228834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975688605477654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22957241447686366,0.0,0.1615366764631242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537859461829985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345377762363464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696377890498558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976080763220173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002300956580635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22625656885446202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248428453025347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807153091303455,0.0,0.3037179057983765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777238511574155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912921644102928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347619538058332,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bishimitsu,2018/02/01,N from A How likely is it that the package from A can be intercepted at customs (particularly in USA and India) ? Has anyone had any experience of such sorts?,3.0380000000000003,5.543852133333335,6.0100000000000025,69.78500000000001,77.66666666666666,8.0,26.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.495666666666668,124,5,22,3,3,45,28,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641142782084795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772104856955887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6676028346454645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33342846950814314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IkeaSpatula,2018/02/01,"Is the suicide barrier up at the Golden Gate Bridge yet? I'm going to L.A. for my birthday to go to an esport match, and might do a little sight seeing afterwards...",5.231818181818183,5.390899606060606,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,68.0909090909091,9.024242424242424,28.62121212121212,8.841846274778883,2.2504666666666666,129,4,24,2,2,44,30,33,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,6,6,0,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959141626301182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372832288303341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628411275112929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476714386857537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772370296748145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedCargo1,2018/02/01,"Help Well just to make this go by, I thought about offing myself. I feel like a failure to my parents and a disappointment to everyone else. They would just be better off without me to pester them. My mom loves me but is super harsh. My dad always picks on me and is an ass sometimes, but I guess he loves me too? I'm sorry if this seems like an attention stunt, but take it as you please. My grades in school have dwindled, and my mom gets mad if I get anything under a 90. I just feel everything and everyone would have a better, less stressful life without me. Not to mention my girlfriend who is amazing to me. She always brightens my day up. Im a freshman in highschool and I guess this is it.",2.164991816693945,4.1566733333333366,3.2853900709219883,90.82615384615387,78.07801418439715,5.756901254773594,25.03055100927441,6.67199483983844,0.8437251500272782,544,20,113,5,13,175,86,141,0.133,0.6409999999999999,0.226,0.9402,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,3,6,12,1,1,7,0,9,4,1,2,0,27,23,11,0,4,11,4,2,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,2,24,9,18,19,1,8,0,1,0,3,15,6,1,5,3,81,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074005911315194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190441607030962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558828370258409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932947565057462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084619394582577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764606927486292,0.13001250718310106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629049066126246,0.10334626715076664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511594177627661,0.0,0.08221451401204523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31872209626514003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969636128934724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625933875870285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217875753713,0.1413486892129694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26112546171209616,0.0,0.09656273309897333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388518062345102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062957358548596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879498222457358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640524985624673,0.0,0.13169447632406656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307400921301505,0.16193680380076692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570935993885613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087675105864522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484514177002035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006814049192214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27889721654548183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552688270307307,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mo_158,2018/02/01,I just wanna die I want someone to kill me or I just want my life to end because I don't have the guts to kill myself. I just wanna die. Nothing is ever getting better and I have a feeling it never will.,-1.2473333333333336,0.7683721555555572,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,94.11111111111113,3.0,18.61111111111111,3.1291,-0.6505555555555556,157,5,34,0,6,56,31,45,0.32299999999999995,0.545,0.132,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,4,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,2,12,9,2,4,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,1,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495570541935076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698339038070608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092486009726164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729851709623807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219241759296242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405133151205512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281800816942882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428649642036486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329097561205795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922141795221734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354104528798463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787587946412425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894159074266992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goodby1215,2018/02/01,"I can't fix me I don't want to live anymore. I have felt like this for a long time, the only thing that has kept me going is my child (I have her full time) . Today I lost the most important relationship in my life because I made a mistake. The hole I have dug for myself is ju at to deep to get out of .",1.3008823529411764,1.9113920294117648,3.5963529411764728,93.50158823529414,77.23529411764707,6.616470588235294,20.95294117647059,6.742157984588678,0.08450823529411755,230,5,59,2,5,80,49,68,0.093,0.8340000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.0846,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,7,15,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,13,1,9,11,2,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858200830676025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756859657047914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27672022102911603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057425113122927,0.0,0.1637924922271166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356640856898808,0.14080150176303682,0.0,0.25448866225688344,0.2550507192076775,0.0,0.0,0.3146077840715484,0.0,0.0,0.2727047897197478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219191483092358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094223269093154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914693672023038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361071497652982,0.0,0.2731828882205747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998968541062456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnyScrew,2018/02/01,Do I tell my parents or just let them find the note? I don't know if I should tell my parents what I'm about to do or not. It seems a little unfair to just spring it on them.,0.6821138211382092,1.1079360731707342,2.691219512195122,100.10967479674801,78.51219512195122,5.466666666666668,18.54471544715447,3.1291,-0.9082260162601627,133,2,37,0,3,45,28,41,0.076,0.924,0.0,-0.4228,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,8,3,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26380063491724176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862232347219854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295141541775248,0.0,0.0,0.2892809407731101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6409741629940142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627559634522397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504546942495843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastchancelyfe,2018/02/01,Every time I buckle and make a new throwaway account I get at most one response Good metaphor for everything else that is  this shit festival called my life.,13.696551724137926,8.928637275862071,11.182068965517242,66.54482758620689,55.55172413793103,14.358620689655172,49.68965517241379,11.20814326018867,5.511041379310344,127,6,22,2,1,38,28,29,0.126,0.684,0.189,0.2764,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361816615487326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960022134320656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29854331481596563,0.0,0.3184542983397744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851259058226491,0.0,0.0,0.2972001780859636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502779558807409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365219937763144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34221986227747514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010720562866555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637207540989719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661613817206184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShatterMeStill,2018/02/01,No more. It feels so good thinking about ending it... brings such relief. I don't have to go on if I don't want to. I don't have to face another day. I'm sick of this life. ,-2.24025,-0.5366945249999979,0.8049999999999997,103.54000000000002,94.25,4.2,13.0,5.6839178017228535,-1.34815,129,2,36,1,5,45,29,40,0.162,0.674,0.165,0.2776,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,4,11,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766575683077342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931608369074637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026151849253098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298448716740996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583433049876398,0.381272779823839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210771022474867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912708887037849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681178883455532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoahRhoden17,2018/02/01,"hello there. can someone help me overcome my feelings for revenge? i am 17 feel depressed because i was banned from 7 cups a month ago. i felt angry and trolled on 7 cups and got banned.
one of the best support groups. i try to stay positive. stay away from hacking stuff. but always find myself at hacking websites.
i have bipolar disorder.
i go back and forth.
i have school issues too. maybe i can find support here?
i know how to use keyloggers virus scripts etc. but i
i just want out...... i dont want to get reveng any more..........................i feel so lonely.
i want to get the job at chick fil a and maybe start a career there..
i was manipulated by teachers at a college once.
they always tell me how unteachable i am and laugh at every answer i say...

so after i graduate school. maybe getting a job is a positive


p.s i am sorry this post is disorganized",0.37732142857143103,2.8268625654761905,2.241190476190475,91.46214285714287,92.98809523809523,4.704761904761905,21.880952380952376,6.42735559955562,0.5776023809523809,653,25,132,8,24,215,105,168,0.151,0.695,0.154,0.1526,2,2,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,1,1,10,6,0,0,8,0,12,1,0,4,0,26,29,11,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,2,8,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,5,23,4,17,25,2,16,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,82,25,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110845255340927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858979364010724,0.0,0.0,0.0852371130520181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776328716377367,0.0963805493149194,0.0,0.07640754830552204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315390893655065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795720376805597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365322069990266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690032978988066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978988068677875,0.0,0.0,0.10560635675968466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901306124806612,0.0,0.12034833613815678,0.0,0.22912131963713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964586525859892,0.0,0.07123496012740384,0.0,0.10024774738886297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840143517392021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308248743426522,0.24876593272989025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888489121578502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777697880062807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004708774677083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348553845266195,0.08493523706542487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004334724672035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967728733286346,0.0,0.25370635005941544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620218743515113,0.0,0.0,0.1403105266816608,0.08871797803254969,0.26719658845285005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348703127054818,0.0,0.2844740831469257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955476028307784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509924481444797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082555677962722,0.0,0.0,0.22179054053658928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mographer,2018/02/01,"Is there any hope for my friend? I have a friend who has been dealing with depression for awhile now, and had sometimes hinted about suicide. Only recently she has come out very forward to me that she will eventually. She says she's on the verge of a mental breakdown, and is getting to the point where she just doesn't want to continue with her life. I've tried and tried to gently suggest seeking professional help, which I have done for myself(for depression, not suicidal), but she insists that she doesn't care to improve and in her words is 'just gonna ride it out until I just don't want to [live] anymore.' She said she didn't expect to make it to 2018 and is surprised she did. 

I don't know what to do. I've read all the tips about talking to a person like this, but nothing I say seems to help. She seems to have resolve that it's over... eventually. And nothing will change that. 

Any advice would be appreciated. ",5.055755064456727,5.886953834254148,5.286975138121548,84.02265423572743,68.66850828729282,8.24327808471455,29.447974217311234,8.344100000000001,1.9233421731123383,728,26,147,10,12,230,105,181,0.087,0.7709999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.8899,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,6,0,23,1,0,1,1,29,35,9,2,5,6,0,0,1,2,4,1,3,0,1,11,11,0,0,4,1,0,3,6,2,0,0,6,3,20,7,26,24,1,15,0,2,0,0,25,9,0,3,6,102,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413480404811632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060943558930044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462798694413855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038557030840125,0.0,0.15603491298622424,0.12705775852531198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206550754773565,0.2540822059810019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094319896362898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791549521723625,0.0,0.07706240079533179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773161103563744,0.0,0.0,0.14650028449381786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106186761038955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041832587428094,0.07206080508407292,0.0,0.13024476058403806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845706142695533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864480348249742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28305949616266585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218001613214187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287908738495837,0.0,0.0,0.13943470330324662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753941519658775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563796151823175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030580129563233,0.2345950447748633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685560097338877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458807767925157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226810251498661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185545107069996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028495640019706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170253468043347,0.1739980530505059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477941264590336,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ouruborealis,2018/02/01,"High Functioning with recurring suicidal thoughts Two years ago I was the ED of a local non profit. I lost my job amid a very tumultuous and extreme situation-- revelations that another staff person had been stealing, had bankrupted the business, and then pinned it on me. What followed was a months long campaign of harassment and defamation. Afterwards, I had lost my job, most of my friends, and I can only assume my reputation. 

I feel so traumatized that I cannot even talk to people about what happened, not even to seek support. Any friends I might've had after that event, I have since lost because I can't even face them. Many of them are still actively involved in this organization, either volunteering or working there, and it makes me so sick I can't even face them.

Literally no one in my life knows that since this happened, I have struggled with suicidal thoughts. I have texted crises lines multiple times, been in therapy twice... I went through a very supportive professional development program, which I quit because I was placed in a very toxic and dangerous (to my already fragile mental health) organization. I now work in an equally unhealthy workplace .

I have a very loving a supportive partner who I wish would just break up with my so I could kill myself. I have a timeline and a plan that if things don't get better I'll just take care of it. I have lived through lifelong abuse, I have compounding traumatic experiences, I suffer from anxiety and probably PTSD or CPTSD, but I'm holding down a job, I'm in grad school, I'm trying to buy a house... everything seems fine on the outside. I think for awhile people knew I wasn't okay but instead of checking in on me themselves they would tell more distant friends to do it...and they didn't either, they only happened to tell me months later when they ran into me in public.

I think I am worthless. My grad program is very triggering regarding the experience I went through at my job. I though it would be cathartic but it's really just making realize how weak and useless I am and I never should have been in the position that I was. I was only 25 and now my life is ruined because I didn't say no... I felt like I couldn't say no.",5.604906970974945,6.915903642685852,5.949345902588274,78.01985611510794,67.72901678657075,9.204961548002975,33.32415446952783,9.494082108488547,3.147518051765484,1757,79,320,36,29,563,218,417,0.15,0.777,0.073,-0.9805,5,0,0,0,1,1,52.0,0,0,7,8,19,26,3,1,17,1,41,8,2,4,1,52,73,24,3,8,12,0,3,1,4,4,5,2,0,2,18,15,0,1,11,0,3,4,13,13,0,3,25,5,59,13,38,41,5,41,0,7,0,1,21,19,0,6,18,222,77,14,0.0,0.09283713252331892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945643384809191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646601123022278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328366805625328,0.0821614035455971,0.05994088935079675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329231581619767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929808531146989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988751660882068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255959992837741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700932681082904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704198680853517,0.15329124530266502,0.0,0.0,0.03961833087334882,0.0,0.07523249631876297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160920830604504,0.0,0.040936931720428116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078655692004316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328704625387695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278570872778562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041043915976213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31101854365232684,0.0,0.08668751680943773,0.0,0.043061520342588665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068803737099356,0.03827999422546503,0.0,0.06918835665570464,0.06934116423631545,0.0,0.0,0.2565991983057129,0.0,0.07071789078567389,0.0,0.1046043196015618,0.07943904724358676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789627899982071,0.08312161926127287,0.0,0.0,0.12508344364597335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060431731391989624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309495847555725,0.1787761196148539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864212835898852,0.0684160259034398,0.0818636544761976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447927845104611,0.0,0.09159208195960797,0.0,0.0,0.08333953229387353,0.0,0.0,0.05019582481611315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462110225978207,0.0,0.07929881982323556,0.0,0.07133088847559471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963111239481642,0.08807361061854012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257391233552853,0.0,0.0,0.08191301479425939,0.0,0.17141395749038246,0.2667468795152179,0.0,0.0,0.05891274549980851,0.06297828590690886,0.1369703705789156,0.0,0.08960506684025528,0.0,0.052055171138677137,0.10041265100578943,0.0769827845252117,0.12440925736934855,0.04568907146248475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319748346901011,0.0,0.07654084790244456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232528639775873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527059807011194,0.0,0.0,0.09010367477768146,0.0,0.0,0.11408584960334073,0.0,0.0,0.16698211904598784,0.0,0.0,0.050457654393899536
suicidewatch,anxn3005,2018/02/01,suicide frowned upon it annoys me so much how it’s frowned upon to want to die. If my parents didn’t love me and care about me so much it’d be easy and I’d kill myself but I just couldn’t do that to them. I feel like we should all have a choice wether we want to be here or not and there be a button to press that just removes us from the earth without anyone getting upset. UGH,3.6232142857142833,3.227521559523812,4.447714285714287,93.09728571428572,71.5,6.7200000000000015,25.13333333333333,3.1291,0.2119361904761909,297,7,72,0,5,96,59,84,0.159,0.677,0.16399999999999998,-0.3556,1,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,3,0,1,0,8,7,2,1,3,0,9,1,0,1,1,19,15,9,3,5,7,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,11,3,10,8,3,3,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,1,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503064000447106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698009095347145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746370224902261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338014017411145,0.18904681154570596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825465955856875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927662778030297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928149099422293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388326995790573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890568858409784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938326614350018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894547458791809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183090341102501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121631475282136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550872469345136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badjnk,2018/02/01,"Fellow redditor needs help, and I dont know what to do. https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7uekc6/dont_want_to_be_alive_anymore/

u/autumnwolfmoon89 needs support. I'm trying, but i'm not good at it. Her story is relatively open, she's posted a lot of it to reddit. Short version, unemployed 28yr old with anxiety living at home with verbally abusive family members. Difficulty with employment and finding friendship appears to be driving depression. ",11.358855721393034,15.512310283582089,9.370970149253733,47.766504975124406,58.1044776119403,11.033830845771144,38.03233830845771,10.864195022040775,5.603559203980099,387,18,42,11,6,117,55,67,0.243,0.6609999999999999,0.096,-0.9268,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,11,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,9,10,2,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,25,6,2,0.0,0.298472543985141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271071011128385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169699949151251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29523702629441073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374786361915568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23024147449864465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112904298966935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688501816776952,0.0,0.2526865967923196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384433273107826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224414333347956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141651510224853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735766300158862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643375115747381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412604581503837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28586485301380465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103057573018732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shmarbleblarble,2018/02/02,"I paradoxically do things that have no point in the hope they will have a point Like this. If I say that I think about killing myself every day, I will get people offering to talk to me, but no friends in the real world. I'll be just as lonely. Even then it won't fix the amount of pain I feel every day. I don't see the point of existing. One day I need to get rid of my fear of dying.",2.1106274509803917,2.6555732588235297,3.8173529411764697,92.92642156862743,75.23529411764707,7.0784313725490176,20.049019607843128,7.1686216300943375,0.05425490196078453,297,5,75,3,6,100,57,85,0.208,0.7070000000000001,0.085,-0.9052,0,2,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,1,5,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,15,4,2,3,3,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,3,11,3,11,11,1,10,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,2,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625298117568494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446871964606954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237613628587074,0.0,0.3157479937544221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085227784744204,0.094743917071013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476773244255095,0.0,0.1957944809164608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610857474296652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073059294178988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154339717062776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389383690297701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697214223330724,0.0,0.19938334040213376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990427123958626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313981605797639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327711916446174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490104595211712,0.0,0.0,0.14931595911139087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060729126406944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448557798273888,0.1200642186338646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,instaldave,2018/02/02,"Does this sub really work? I've been dealing with depression my whole life. Diagnosed in the 3rd grade. 36 now, it has been hitting me worse than ever. I'm a dad, have a good job 80k, married, house, nice truck. The American dream right? Yet,  all I wish for everyday is to die in a car accident. Or die by some other way. Some way for my family to get my life insurance. I'm just done though. I feel so empty inside. Like a hollow shell. I come home every night and drink until I fall asleep and repeat the process the next day. I feel a failure that has no purpose other than to keep a roof over my families head. My wife doesn't touch me. My son hates me. I just don't want to do it anymore. I wanted to die in a way out of my control but now I don't want to wait any longer. I feel I have no one to talk too, to tell them how much the pain and despair inside me consumes me. I'm tired of faking the smiles. Faking that everything is ok. Will anyone really care when I'm gone?",-0.0295289855072447,2.100999772946864,2.1389673913043517,95.08932065217392,87.50241545893721,5.575603864734299,17.320652173913047,6.996647511020387,-0.009711594202898688,751,18,173,11,24,252,128,207,0.205,0.701,0.093,-0.9676,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,11,11,1,0,13,1,14,8,2,2,2,25,33,10,3,4,4,3,4,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,7,6,1,3,3,2,0,4,5,6,0,1,4,4,23,5,22,27,5,24,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,3,12,103,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867964914875158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265800823921097,0.08924568323843841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013286074779762,0.0,0.0,0.1099466495568294,0.0,0.0,0.14315402455595716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231431446580169,0.13158655765756774,0.1099322370544344,0.12954730800228734,0.3973963779315417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169465358688868,0.13061539249596282,0.0,0.12503416218268915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545358334015622,0.10753838225287596,0.0,0.11471052395209295,0.0,0.2406467100613285,0.0,0.19360897497340976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668426133587399,0.0,0.0,0.10705457054475624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601359503012782,0.1309908076299993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802877591400594,0.0,0.0,0.14727418736690953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266585023204433,0.11344826380184965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030540396165112,0.0623562399913044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382675105771196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574176264458634,0.11977723554269001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864890928021024,0.0,0.1358131313524437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635330914816511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899998781399664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258855022605444,0.1115590202183867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540119412713052,0.0,0.0,0.14669818851465333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258481085809113,0.30393326820606104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425004360532859,0.14677448317894284,0.0,0.0,0.09292013702480324,0.0,0.13007144076138022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iononne,2018/02/02,"I just want some peace and quiet Between constant worry, the never ending struggle of grades and trying to succeed, chronic pain, anxieties about my shitty decisions, and nothing to look forward to, wouldn’t death be at least a little effective? Everything is just a constant negative swirling abyss of shittiness, month after month. I’m going to graduate and leave this fucking pit just to end up in another one, just as unhappy with my life. Killing myself just sounds like a big relief. There’s no reason to keep going on with this life, and if I just die then at least I get to be done with all of it. The thought of sleeping forever sounds amazing. I’m so tired, I’m so unready and unwilling to face the rest of this life, I just want to end it here. I don’t think I’m fully useless per say, but I’m not important. Call it cowardly, but I think it would just be so much easier. ",5.409763531266421,6.007265751445086,6.095081450341567,79.37586442459275,67.78612716763006,9.527903310562273,32.49027850761955,9.573946990214177,2.999628901734104,697,29,132,14,11,228,105,173,0.173,0.716,0.111,-0.853,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,14,9,2,1,6,0,8,9,2,2,2,35,24,14,3,5,12,0,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,7,9,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,2,5,9,4,26,17,6,20,0,1,1,1,2,8,1,2,12,90,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540276118697931,0.11237091434216978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999173583032738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31747313042167796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244926180361484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503200930253257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39030444218095744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201580841243835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357980016784596,0.07674428086753664,0.0,0.16696263714459988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056312309273072,0.1625126959481666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553594631346646,0.0,0.0,0.3112595450492797,0.07176333215468562,0.14722298043960724,0.0,0.0,0.12335111677949552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344933664448284,0.0,0.1079814995594434,0.0,0.11329109369826218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094550164239733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953687867293212,0.0,0.15630196524954845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102801133980567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681330856892445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699669231406098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356195860033994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824314299053305,0.0,0.11661473623963002,0.0,0.16882914733691168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972908181476073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327977477859047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917454436227834,0.0,0.1043468746138498,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cheesybagel,2018/02/02,All alone. Again. Everyone leaves me. I can't even type imcrying so hard. I can't be alone again. Bye I guesd?,-2.3115942028985508,-2.0449864347826083,-0.2428260869565193,103.6311231884058,130.73913043478262,5.011594202898551,12.528985507246375,6.42735559955562,-0.4092840579710145,84,2,21,2,6,27,17,23,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.5949,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7531787423235156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016038275600865,0.0,0.0,0.3474440793241801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32572233550842583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850095382714093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catfish1210,2018/02/02,"Im 16 and have actually no one to talk to about my depression and suicidal thoughts Its been exactly 5months since my best friend died i has been suicidal since.. depressed ive been about 2years and wow.. depression feels bad... i cant think of anything else than how im going to suicide (taking cyanide) seems easiest..
Insomnia, fatigue and really why live? We are going to die anyways? Waste of mental energy being sad all the time i dont talk to my family about it for them im just the “Quiet kid” they dont know about my untreated a.d.d 
About my depression which is rather dysthymia to be honest. Any reply would help!",1.9202500000000036,4.657173858333337,3.361666666666668,85.21000000000002,85.41666666666666,7.533333333333335,23.833333333333336,8.447377352677275,2.078183333333333,493,19,93,13,15,161,83,120,0.3,0.599,0.101,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,2,1,9,11,0,0,2,0,14,2,0,1,2,16,22,5,5,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,2,12,4,15,15,2,3,0,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.12256355336548087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854095693138825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033547852820318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486739229542433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318052262491804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327025141047948,0.0,0.26069758430970497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943950927048425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491932030645786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840070670423986,0.0,0.06350509828368511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703513809946944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275817297707274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418433404532574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069956134849197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902426279246854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090354622846801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657120148803144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510708255573297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045999713032483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433785784126667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778857543425835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121448321139996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443254197374087,0.2018985731146329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047682891327501,0.0,0.09970917429481474,0.07323602256215274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133308314960053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921977653503238,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adepressedgirl,2018/02/02,"Don’t know what else to do. Hi
I’m an 18 year old sophomore in college. I grew up moving a lot, and had always been the weird one in my family. My siblings were a lot more social and a lot more outgoing. I spent most of my childhood on the computer playing games, and talking to my online friends. I always knew i suffered from horrible mental illness. My mom was really abusive towards me and my siblings but focused me a lot. She had an arranged marriage at 16 and i think she just didn’t know how to be a parent, since she had children so young. I feel bad for her because i can tell she suffered silently too. That’s why i’ve come to terms with taking her verbal and physical abuse. I love my mom and forgive her, but i can’t get over how badly it fucked me over. Im not able to do anything. When we left the country to egypt, during my 8th grade year i got sexual assaulted or sexually harassed, i don’t know what the correct term is. This man pushed me against a wall and touched me sexually and forced me to give him a kiss. And i know it may not be that bad but growing up in a muslim household and being told you’re going to hell constantly if you do anything against the religion, it messed me up. and not only because of the religion but i’d never knew how to be around the opposite sex since then. i have 4 sisters and my dad always worked in NY as a taxi driver so i never got help with it. I never have told anyone about it but my best friend that i met through a game, and a therapist. Anyways, my parents were just not great parents to me and my older sister but again i think it was just because they were young when they got forced into a marriage. The household was toxic and i couldn’t handle it. I would always be told that i’m useless and i’m
going to get an arranged marriage anyways. I grew up hating my religion and hating every thing because of how i watched my parents lived get ruined because ofIslam i didn’t want that for myself. I wanted to kill myself during my first year of college because i could not handle the toxicity they put on me.  So after my first year of college, i applied to an out of state college and i lied about getting into a program so they could let me go. and to my surprise it worked and i go to school in a different state and i didn’t seee them much. but that didn’t get rid of all my problems, I thought my parents were the reason i was depressed antisocial and suicidal. IM away from my parents and their stupid religion, but i want to die. I have no purpose, i’m not able to do anything i have no friends. I want to get better, i do. I went to a therapist my first week of school, but i quit halfway. I’m not used to talking to other people and i found it draining and it made me worse. I don’t have anyoneo talk to. I’m alone.”, suicidal, & depressed. I can’t do anything anymore i want to get rid of my pain. I’ve tried everything.",2.5117565353900773,4.045493316053514,4.107050030714628,87.35387720974678,75.70568561872909,6.486983823629787,27.588697017268444,7.127189543769624,1.3783652583441404,2265,92,468,24,49,757,250,598,0.227,0.6990000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9989,7,1,0,0,1,2,55.0,1,1,6,8,21,32,8,0,29,0,45,6,0,7,5,95,96,49,4,11,21,11,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,21,34,0,0,13,3,1,12,22,21,0,4,30,3,92,11,65,55,12,60,1,6,1,4,51,22,2,8,24,333,113,11,0.12217472065087626,0.1447570658131237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326808231320691,0.0,0.0,0.20331830958868047,0.06618812939058265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605822467794538,0.04271370269142015,0.0,0.20107877026964188,0.05438070196211964,0.0,0.0,0.05739358589868467,0.0,0.15301618275298626,0.2234297271720461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410741587091444,0.054026805996168686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262135187582374,0.0,0.06601373482945982,0.0,0.09754657299222526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522890787222784,0.0,0.06339903556741157,0.06382328975820735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103065099303372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146873575042855,0.0,0.054901380524771504,0.0,0.05758772667897963,0.0,0.030887604850348725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588263245897555,0.0,0.06697913755482629,0.1415878291610531,0.05647428027225732,0.22340937137556585,0.058600562364746166,0.1388694185268705,0.0,0.14657142746646082,0.06734903041612217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206222427321983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094556995985004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196966359027024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758411335468632,0.0,0.13428806264949095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637159573279254,0.062465964728048565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053941258339684335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773715697603906,0.0551337277034907,0.057802337370510236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061561691307555365,0.0,0.0,0.1430895562177502,0.0,0.06492619649948732,0.044906238640961785,0.0,0.14134301459785956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410090866147919,0.0,0.04139437630982822,0.04645969022937732,0.06500125836540772,0.0,0.4069817066382122,0.0,0.0,0.0423502840336804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058452353803227636,0.0,0.06140966956920215,0.0,0.06497392709791502,0.0,0.0,0.0391341272557346,0.06280798050004552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236473398957236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106419144113192,0.0,0.0,0.062270870939099526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363931463248627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593009254893514,0.14729911884451338,0.05339304545883016,0.0,0.0,0.14185426729143882,0.04058372781247938,0.07828462779407935,0.0,0.04849654057403456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511477189681407,0.0,0.041474307781327616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275986582036858,0.0,0.0,0.18015453919437133,0.0,0.04900059572029394,0.0,0.0,0.05662859502975539,0.05512184116262324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894465172773805,0.0,0.06225323901081802,0.04339470809320006,0.0,0.0,0.1573530288872056
suicidewatch,SirDePseudonym,2018/02/02,"Just lost my stepdad to his on going battle with depression..he masked it so well, most never would have guessed he knew how to be negative.. He lost his job. Kept applying, getting interviewed.. kept getting rejected. He was 57. No one wants to hire someone 57. He lost his job when they sold to new management and not a single employee broke 32.

He was down. He was defeated. He couldn’t pay my mom and his mortgage last month. 

My mom wanted to buy him new pants for interviewing. She had $40 Kohl’s cash. They were 3.55 cents short. Had to put them back. He was so embarrassed she said. 

They go home. Their water heater was out. He tried to fix it. I do that work for a living. He didn’t know where to start. He looked up prices for new ones, knew he couldn’t afford it. 

Yesterday morning my mom called me before he woke up. I told her hey, I’ll be by there after I get done working tomorrow since I’ll be in your time. I’ll just go change the element or reset the thermostat if I have to. I told her he could reset it, I text him to tell him how to reset it. 

I got pulled out of their town to my town and couldn’t make it until an hour after we planned. My mom called me and asked if he had responded. He had not. 

She was worried already about his state of mind. 

She went home. 

When I was supposed to be there first, and couldn’t, she went home. 

She turned the corner to her bedroom and saw him lying there.

I’ll never forget her pain in her first words spoken after seeing him. They were to me. And they were “He’s dead! He hunt himself.” 

I have never felt so much pain for someone else in my life. I immediately left my house. Stayed on the phone. Made sure she called 911. Had he go to the neighbor while I drive the 20 min back. 

We cried together. I let her talk to the neighbors to get calmed down and wait. 

I should have been the one to find him. Not her. She is an angel. She never deserved to see the man she loved defeated by life. The same man who told me nothing was ever too much to fight through. The man who raised me when my dad didn’t. 

I love you Mike. I could have handled the sight. The initial shock. The phone calls. My mom. I know you didn’t intend on her finding you. 

I’m so sorry I got called away. I’m so sorry you didn’t see any other option. 


To anyone out there even questioning it, I urge you to please think of what or who you are leaving behind. The pain that ripples. I pray for everyone suffering. If you don’t want my prayers, I keep you in my thoughts so you’re not truly alone. I don’t want anyone to ever have to see what my mother had to. What I forced myself to so she wasn’t the only one with the memory of that image. 

I might be in shock still. Im not sure. I feel like I’ve got my bearings. I couldn’t have stopped him. His mind was made up. I couldn’t have prevented this. No one could have. But I could have spared my mom from permanent damage. 

I love you all. We all deserve respect. We all deserve a fair chance in life. I’m so sorry for anyone else who has gone through this and knows the deep void it leaves. 

There is help. Please, give yourself the chance you deserve. There is help. ",0.02656288636618953,2.3027949354838704,1.5175866396912845,98.32251236371813,89.6605222734255,4.650264133977745,16.84839458993668,6.219705907916566,-0.4714968116593603,2417,58,556,24,82,773,280,651,0.103,0.8029999999999999,0.094,-0.7693,5,2,0,0,1,0,94.0,4,11,8,10,31,26,2,1,24,0,62,10,0,6,11,91,122,30,1,19,13,8,2,1,2,3,6,1,6,3,21,18,1,6,12,0,6,10,25,17,1,7,49,10,105,9,68,54,8,68,2,9,7,3,118,25,0,10,32,353,126,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911175345293576,0.06298290008784663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881247548895796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972301531400308,0.05847935653236274,0.0,0.0,0.053356758238101334,0.0,0.05362317578439931,0.08777321459995284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856601848157487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913961653608551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037703279418946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822767108492417,0.0,0.06269342938511341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058406816137946585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535649413585398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03769703136028785,0.10325392874081092,0.0,0.054536931545185366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028858476753362658,0.04077388536515375,0.05480027043675773,0.0,0.10432973717665596,0.0970947266574158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927584694918884,0.05475086122509471,0.12974654090944948,0.0,0.13694257462634835,0.0,0.0628737668748973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765113892491522,0.0,0.17175050426174324,0.0,0.05620668054353577,0.06585606963337383,0.0,0.0,0.06165002898931327,0.0,0.1132748555277123,0.05073025283179163,0.0,0.0,0.09409961422228946,0.046523165306296826,0.0,0.12086686797940775,0.06201138488459885,0.058362330122868324,0.12093978025819407,0.027883615970746782,0.0,0.05039764518437029,0.0,0.04792803046587099,0.0,0.18690999433846114,0.0,0.1545353296540359,0.10801014953272182,0.03809753287150314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054680407464993,0.11525752904783165,0.40106832353292377,0.04555615508168872,0.0,0.08391234284302368,0.0,0.17607684898349446,0.16536811960997852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476432214894389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933750856119937,0.04340757067273146,0.1821932110857336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530086630687484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737542714240253,0.06393626872331742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429072124896382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819232840750037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721244384975953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671772421914353,0.0,0.0,0.1916699903134204,0.04039747739598883,0.06083360093232236,0.04557960304472476,0.047716663444509456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075836888841718,0.0,0.0,0.04587415369973995,0.04988544656117904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03657090153618015,0.0,0.04531061231698202,0.03328047844564309,0.0,0.0,0.1636107946355561,0.0,0.038749697581544194,0.06208044002953921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465558385747944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131664254829359,0.10581688034145732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310152815853206,0.057961713631734024,0.0,0.04054393925310895,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anxietyhopeless,2018/02/02,"I am hopeless On the scale of 1 to 10 I am 9 in hopelessness. Chronic pain that won't get away. Anxiety. Loneliness. No hope.

Help me. Give me hope.

Thanks",-2.061875000000001,-1.5156734374999967,0.7199999999999989,97.025,127.125,5.3500000000000005,19.625,6.6274283507984215,0.8753625,118,5,27,3,8,40,28,32,0.34,0.375,0.285,-0.5396,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,5,7,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544866819850246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125483273158457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380295883182087,0.31912116066769497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297734496910665,0.0,0.0,0.6608198719983688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539774394197401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30627187413172485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abrasivesheep13,2018/02/02,"Just a rant... Im just posting this as a rant, I’m not necessarily sure what I’m feeling myself so I won’t burdening you all by asking for advice. Okay, it all started when I was in high school. I fell for this guy, but I messed it up. I fucked with his friends lives in an irreversible way? Why? I have no clue, it was just “fun” to me. It’s like I have a dark side that likes to be in control of people, to lie, to get people to do what I want. I can’t control it, it’s like a switch goes off and I start doing completely irrational things and become manipulative just for the “joy” of it. Maybe I’m a sociopath, maybe I’m something else, maybe it’s a form of twisted depression. I’m not sure. At the time, I was fine with losing him. I didn’t care. But now I realize I was completely in love with him. And it’s been years (I’m 20) but I still care so much about him but I know he will never take me back, I can’t blame him. I have friends, I have people close to me but I still feel alone. Because no one knows the “real” me. No one knows what I’ve been through. I go out and party because drinking seems helps my depression and loneliness a lot, little do my “friends know, that was all the money in my account. I’m only twenty and I’m $5000+ (and that’s without student loans) in debt. Most is mine, some because my family used my name and couldn’t afford to pay it so it went into collections. We live in a shithole of a house. I have no job because I hated everyone Ive had. I’d be depressed at work a lot of the times because it always just served as a reminder of my situation. It got so bad I would just drink at work to keep everything off my mind to get through the shift. I left that job due to this a week ago, and now I’m completely broke. My gas tank is drained, and I’m not really sure what i could even do at this point. The bills are slowly creeping up and my only choice is to sit here and let them. I’m currently in community college but am barely staying a float with that because it’s so hard to focus with so much on your mind. I’ve began seriously contemplating suicide, I’m just becoming completely detached from everything at this point emotionally and physically,  I honestly can’t imagine things getting better. I just keep falling and I’m not sure how to make it stop. Regardless, I just needed to rant. Thanks for reading. ",1.0805910900945754,3.0868200995934965,3.1238858470217363,90.54966898954706,81.74390243902441,6.374050107848017,22.845694375311087,7.523968598718282,0.9067513190642114,1827,63,406,29,49,617,231,492,0.203,0.665,0.132,-0.9881,5,1,3,0,0,1,61.0,1,2,1,6,25,31,2,0,21,1,35,4,0,6,8,83,78,30,1,6,20,0,3,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,31,23,2,5,9,3,6,4,16,11,0,2,12,3,54,20,57,58,10,53,0,5,0,2,18,27,1,5,21,262,85,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721194288284153,0.06542189867341051,0.0,0.0,0.07643764105661463,0.0,0.0,0.06141000090551608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689958340923822,0.0,0.0,0.05674994463933631,0.06162241489173224,0.2699377104937027,0.16301921072851092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527274817223988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049413646209664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095241284136328,0.0,0.16555266043351902,0.058925683062201174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906992245054476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459766855055478,0.0,0.0,0.061652928947344476,0.08301843147917012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874617962926493,0.0,0.0,0.07052192084098984,0.13265873927678984,0.0,0.06957489179714564,0.0,0.07463401975617215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106002375448445,0.06822967611079868,0.11567705037397685,0.0,0.04194394068461404,0.0,0.05902699408723432,0.0,0.0,0.07307656456913084,0.0,0.0,0.06611298372258351,0.07286517432094643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049468589295240784,0.07797691225899953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851587428554827,0.0,0.0,0.07971989514347551,0.0,0.14647616153800855,0.13119897922687024,0.0,0.0,0.16224077537509413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018716587398299,0.07546855879873919,0.0,0.10816924068896368,0.07396998591514764,0.1303387867107907,0.0,0.0,0.0825666690690347,0.0,0.12548932778180186,0.06661008101130382,0.0,0.04926406970981008,0.0,0.22243507334370055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490399644707705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850738081321587,0.054723982814041616,0.05692141661681524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002163373529636,0.11226100098227064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349710428648788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953536382139506,0.0,0.07068286453019272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738229633288587,0.08400396150672752,0.04728008599074129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469256723924465,0.0,0.0671874713340599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295765432313272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681714830697907,0.0,0.0,0.10447627405422327,0.07866416880948159,0.11787832820116148,0.06170260531511192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072849365309137,0.0,0.27823378310109703,0.0,0.055490664480275134,0.0,0.0,0.06794787854436563,0.0,0.0,0.0980628558935188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607023534315833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374208824297885,0.0,0.0,0.043530916374194026,0.05858137916117915,0.059200307805856514,0.0,0.0,0.06841611223486173,0.06659572022919992,0.0,0.0,0.07114344984252884,0.0,0.1074589131532953,0.0,0.0,0.052427527431034376,0.0,0.0,0.0475267066010811
suicidewatch,Throwawayme03,2018/02/02,"Why should I even continue? I've been vomitting constantly. I keep missing work and will probably lose my job.

I recently moved across the country with my now ex boyfriend and left most of my family and belongings on behind. The computer I use, the bed I sleep on, his desk.. I have nothing of my own.

He had become emotionally abusive and he said he'd change but maybe I annoyed him too much. he left me. I have no where to go. I can't even drive on my own and I have nothing and I might lose my job from missing too much because of this miserable feeling and vomitting constantly
I can't sleep or eat or go long without throwing up or crying. 

I moved here because I had dreams, but now I have nothing.",2.0448632218844978,4.280443035460993,3.5690628166160074,87.41250000000002,79.63829787234044,7.432826747720362,27.80192502532928,8.418075326091056,2.1347584599797367,552,25,113,12,14,182,80,141,0.193,0.77,0.037000000000000005,-0.9704,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,1,1,3,0,13,5,2,1,0,20,21,12,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,8,1,1,1,1,0,6,4,6,0,0,4,2,25,0,13,13,5,21,0,5,0,0,8,8,0,5,7,80,26,5,0.0,0.15294970007446626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738326631001245,0.1425689790182084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655935242435,0.0,0.0,0.27899932583590265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179852374124494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320905710723099,0.0,0.1452080765547268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052451744123276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169389416736485,0.0,0.06527142383472055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672883699245814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562024034794049,0.11474049244267792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805117830697009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423995964217012,0.0,0.2888357919904423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968754280649306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694333711268272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27440297233966593,0.1897909630324884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715939665722353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918008829440412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274601006448345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279347614980665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583650339243337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149169966752484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648300586942745,0.0,0.0,0.12443746921059705,0.0,0.09397854072662506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,banananoms1,2018/02/02,"Ive been living in hell for the past three days. Every other thought is another voice telling me to end it...I'm exhausted and I can barely manage to drag myself out of bed.

Im lucky enough that I've had my fiance with me and they have kept me grounded enough so that I'm not in any immediate danger, but the thoughts and urges are still there.

My fiance has recommended that I look into checking myself in to a nearby mental health hospital...but the idea scares me. It's not that I'm against it, but not only am I terrified of what could happen, but I don't know if that is the right course of action.

I've never been to therapy, nor have i ever taken medicine for my anxiety and depression... there's no doubt that's it's gotten worse over time but idk if going to the hospital is the right answer, or if I should just start looking for normal outpatient care....any insight would be appreciated..",5.3301515151515115,5.583830055555558,6.197373737373737,79.77590909090911,67.8888888888889,9.212121212121213,28.03030303030303,9.095868883498916,2.102666666666667,710,21,141,12,11,235,114,180,0.139,0.8140000000000001,0.047,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,2,7,0,18,2,0,0,2,34,31,14,0,7,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,11,7,0,1,6,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,8,3,17,1,19,19,2,19,1,1,2,0,2,9,1,6,8,98,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321631638844866,0.17209556434244666,0.1255523972918585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673326727808598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310375576621797,0.0,0.0,0.105844704931071,0.0,0.14135749375976814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536281823564084,0.3391624910799988,0.0,0.0,0.14845717347194373,0.13827933102752493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327395560671578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513198369377647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445333951143915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527304753832294,0.17727924079656593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901968117023321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492217477738115,0.0,0.2756412281764586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539573717547304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658051675473025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080409436360468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482169594792973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667241646564156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803175030378465,0.0,0.0,0.16431412056140238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161659489908556,0.0,0.13106753648045052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344930956474464,0.0,0.1876870876147874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26058806729756834,0.09570048950362713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725369526180486,0.11658711094749327,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shigziii,2018/02/02,"Some people just never hit their potential Hey guys first time posting, have been a lurker for a few years now. I'm just really bummed out now. Not thinking too straight. I've been unemployed for a year now living off savings. People think I'm some secure level headed guy but that's far from true. From my appearance you would never be able to tell how bad I'm struggling inside my head. I've been thinking about killing myself since I was 18...turned 25 this past December. My life had been filled with unfulfilled hopes and dreams. My whole life is a piece of shit. Last year was horrible for me. My brother started using meth and tore my family apart. I had to be the lvl headed guy when everything was going horrible. My dad almost died, he contracted HIV by fucking a damn hooker. How the hell does that happen in this time of age? And to top it off my dog died right after he got out of the hospital.  I have been so caught up in other people's fuck ups, and now I feel like I'm the sick one mentally. I was so strong for people when they needed help and now I feel it's too late for me to bounce back. I just feel numb, tired, depressed. I hate myself so much for feeling this way. I really don't care if anyone reads this, I am just so tired of feeling this way.",1.963540856031127,4.108338396887159,3.1118070038910486,91.0622785992218,79.42801556420234,6.290988326848249,19.61852140077821,7.404127859558343,0.4625708638132293,996,24,208,14,25,320,152,257,0.271,0.629,0.1,-0.9963,2,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,2,3,21,18,7,1,9,0,19,13,4,3,3,37,45,15,3,4,7,2,5,1,0,1,7,0,0,3,10,8,0,1,8,2,0,4,4,11,0,2,13,5,25,7,28,28,6,43,1,1,0,3,13,14,5,6,23,129,35,2,0.1030263017933266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316595912755616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203838569472706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922086664498534,0.08602265858592688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050421810213718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873640276867335,0.0,0.213850071012285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015901098133614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259339687755293,0.0,0.0971240282246982,0.0,0.2604659689035453,0.07360201058678101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763411967439295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049231172844147,0.0,0.0,0.05855222155120405,0.0,0.08239954517590553,0.0,0.0,0.30603670964246144,0.09110581842625197,0.0,0.0,0.10171714341976873,0.31720412618622024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905635839083088,0.0,0.0,0.10232836416368862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398333831777613,0.0,0.0,0.08398018669888684,0.11621815593271123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554104761269426,0.05033344699670373,0.0,0.09097411201285616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382628016288116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573618617631261,0.0763926973382218,0.15892047062610526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981328843680568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835026273077084,0.2857018617692753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867071801776914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305418217376353,0.0,0.13200257413607092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798389880535172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575501826311068,0.08522442148786626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292254668278178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770546004273797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004952883543656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980452825082817,0.0,0.0,0.12015093018252138,0.2368271562603657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206303160383004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088981645787716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355496576785286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502518667090013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318692882497338,0.0,0.0,0.19903668151474116
suicidewatch,Abstracteddev,2018/02/02,Please someone talk to me Just please,2.928571428571427,6.011781857142861,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,87.57142857142857,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.6545999999999994,31,1,6,0,1,8,6,7,0.0,0.521,0.479,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8828532046862997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340730097458838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232231731494835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tdh42,2018/02/02,"No reason to keep going... I feel so completely empty inside. I look forward to, and enjoy, nothing. I feel like I'm just waiting around for something to make me snap and finally end this. I attempted last night but it obviously wasn't successful, and I just feel the same except a failure and a disappointment too. I haven't had any 'revelation' that life is worth it. I can't focus on anything at all because my mind is just plagued with thoughts of ending my life. I'm on antidepressants which just make me apathetic and I'm meant to be starting counselling soon but I've been in mental health services twice before and it's becoming tiring. I just want to stop feeling so alone and helpless...",3.7661779448621564,6.065887315789475,4.791146616541358,80.45308583959901,74.33834586466166,7.440852130325815,29.12844611528822,8.344100000000001,2.3148250626566416,555,24,100,10,12,181,91,133,0.194,0.75,0.056,-0.9625,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,3,0,8,4,0,3,2,34,25,11,0,1,8,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,7,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,5,5,12,3,14,19,2,15,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,10,65,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316512394484366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026528512982425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553395856376178,0.15743559233847693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780721277392982,0.195318913075578,0.15048785182405092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542574234731915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132763960132952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35768632548500656,0.1263429577092053,0.0,0.1937324970126919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005089506692419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798518815875412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571940012756784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441578170476534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498313059234089,0.08640085392456928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851096656611718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360998929242577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822501340851893,0.0,0.1785698982050246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596342937059447,0.0,0.16969406705475545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818330999201901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361491520144159,0.0,0.0,0.1251766107765126,0.0,0.0,0.14785601954790084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040057072007886,0.0,0.20326512244197212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431177078327547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway0321230,2018/02/02,"Dead inside I think i might end it. My girlfriend wont be back for an hour and im all alone. I miss my family, i miss my pets, i miss my home. I can’t do this. I guess i just want to let someone know. If this is against the rules just delete it. Sorry for any inconvenience 

Edit: gf came and pulled me down ",-1.891323529411764,-0.004738073529409803,0.5972941176470599,102.8918235294118,98.85294117647058,3.896470588235295,12.682352941176472,5.6839178017228535,-1.3393635294117645,233,4,61,2,10,78,50,68,0.229,0.752,0.02,-0.8909999999999999,0,4,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,12,15,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,13,0,5,10,1,6,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,38,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704390517234344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756890048321738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200783292125044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986489355140944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127266163039575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24615840443642756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287650440034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619222111360591,0.0,0.2571482065545274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820517816624519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435033866718153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26701040474742777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770044757997223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212440681826431,0.0,0.0,0.2922997395967502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673135942412897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401390705097392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sarabushsar,2018/02/02,"I’m giving up I had a good life in my country and I was really popular there. But everything changed after my family decided to move out of the country two years ago.
This time I’ve been really doubting on my life and struggling to make a step out of the house. Since a few weeks I’ve locked myself in my room and just cry probably all the time. I also argue with my parents everyday and I really feel my life isn’t worth it. Maybe in heaven it’ll get better...
",1.7130208333333314,3.6585750937500015,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333337,79.3125,8.016666666666666,22.125,8.841846274778883,1.6539875000000004,363,11,75,9,9,126,65,96,0.11,0.753,0.136,0.3818,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,2,6,0,5,3,0,1,1,14,10,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,3,1,11,4,13,6,2,17,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,7,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674418646509611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510573186050263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706012644806498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998232909748944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748961653910786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976446050303398,0.0,0.17807110236220866,0.0,0.09550975810680076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868857067077692,0.1812029635673161,0.0,0.15843412432240864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179566625884108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002612215699781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608725609882254,0.0,0.18976797371968265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076290643140096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097428431417624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036581368278745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630282483240623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625388443955268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747152533529252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028955119064544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452059204164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515182244466447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164062088339425
suicidewatch,Avesomnus,2018/02/02,"I feel like i need to get this out I had depression for about 6 years and only recently got over it. Ive wanted to die since I was in the 1st grade but I only wanted to actually kill my self for those 6 years and only earlier this year did I commit to living and I have had no plans to kill my self since. But every now and then I get brought back to that feeling that I want to die. Sometimes it's because I haven't eaten in a while and I'm just hungry or I'm lacking sleep or sometimes I see a picture or am reminded of something that makes me realize that even if I am gonna be happy in my life, it's going to be a struggle. I don't know what point I'm trying to get at but I know that writing this down is the first step to understanding, and hopefully overcoming this feeling. I wonder how many of you who have gotten over depression or suicidal thoughts ever get that small relapse feeling and consider it even for a moment? I know I'm going to be fine and I'll have a fine life, but it's always there... That thought that It would be a lot easier if I was dead. Keeping healthy in terms of diet, excersise, and sleep help and keeping a healthy amount of aocial interaction, but I guess I'm wondering if any of you have any tricks to combat that feeling? Thank you in advance for any advice you can offer. ",3.482187559808612,4.220461134545456,5.07291866028708,84.47148325358853,72.2,8.116746411483254,27.56459330143541,8.371475516178862,1.7645999999999995,1032,36,219,16,19,350,137,275,0.17,0.685,0.14400000000000002,-0.9506,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,4,0,3,9,12,3,1,9,0,21,6,2,2,2,54,61,25,6,10,13,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,22,11,2,2,14,0,0,5,3,6,0,1,11,6,27,6,32,44,4,29,0,2,1,0,11,12,0,12,13,146,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.10006770659447994,0.0,0.0,0.10020436413659337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532444297368506,0.0,0.0,0.20919937830889326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788496554916008,0.0,0.06250959248180643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664120790874288,0.0,0.21284801770393655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545808704225654,0.09275650603061784,0.08639735825758807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592454839880318,0.07325712812842848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722348591061514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429907707669849,0.0,0.1165557180349924,0.0,0.08201343945024889,0.0,0.11296327427769835,0.0,0.0,0.1091595090878685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687327758357236,0.0,0.0,0.10184887647699893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229082651329606,0.2268984760900274,0.0,0.16906574966263227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485907501586298,0.050097595791020806,0.0,0.09054782779660588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717885388569221,0.0,0.0,0.06844861170208465,0.10396305849454887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603473834976288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396695738251086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693679382539792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124937848607556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171392799382772,0.0,0.2139505600483347,0.0,0.0,0.1696501580550332,0.0,0.20523519889777175,0.0,0.0,0.0789430297860619,0.20283637355716627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720077649481052,0.0,0.11216599334777044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440831790511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281623899004088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962033505629674,0.0,0.0,0.10675144541311664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144851670708295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240819791652808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284399134634746,0.0,0.0,0.19810404041600108
suicidewatch,biggiantloserdotcom,2018/02/02,"i often wonder why i haven't kms'd yet long story short, i was in an abusive relation where i was the abuser and my ex has isolated me from all my friends and has made me afraid to live by telling people i raped her (thru sexual coercion). which, to some extent, i did. denying it is useless, bc it made me realize the other times I'VE been sexually coerced and how bad it felt. felt so bad after i first found out i tried to kill myself unsuccessfully. more performatively. anyways she hates me and wants me to die, or worse imo, live out my life having to tell everyone i've raped someone, which is basically social suicide. if i can, i would want to reconcile what happened but she's openly stated she's not ready for that yet, basically forcing me to live in an exiled state with no hope of getting out. 

i was forced to move out of my apartment, i have no friends except for one who lives out of state. i've isolated myself from everyone because i truly believe i am a bad toxic person and no one should have to put up with me. i truly believe it would be an overall positive thing if i died, if my family did not care for me. i don't know where i can find the strength to go on when all that's ahead of me is more pain for a punishment that does not fit the crime. as i say all of this i feel manipulative because it's all pointless self-flagellation but i don't know what else to do. 

i have plans to move to france, but i have to stay in this fuckhole of a city where my ex lives for the next year to finish out my bachelor's. i want this girl to stop ruining my life. how do i make it thru the next year without ending it all? without feeling like my life and self are useless?",6.136284521515733,5.074781054913295,7.014759152215799,79.00710340398204,66.48554913294798,10.116634553628774,32.22800256904303,9.2995712137729,2.55398445728966,1319,45,280,21,18,443,174,346,0.238,0.677,0.085,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,1,2,31.0,0,0,0,5,11,19,5,1,12,0,29,6,0,6,5,60,49,18,4,10,13,2,4,1,2,3,4,1,0,3,20,15,0,1,11,0,1,4,11,13,0,3,11,5,49,6,51,34,9,41,0,3,0,2,16,18,0,8,16,202,69,0,0.0,0.2184657480206584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093031512224976,0.11239921681314663,0.0,0.0,0.20773844390406548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399625774242326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913622337013024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067815758965824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701488890059792,0.0,0.08165506892330722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618750613662548,0.0,0.0,0.08691075433909437,0.0,0.09323045697692203,0.06586224210317985,0.17703825115033195,0.0,0.0842621490072967,0.07841877634155993,0.0,0.1010841668107858,0.1424551809591706,0.0,0.04816670424265612,0.0,0.05239504411278998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152540158020949,0.0,0.0,0.09102087120375324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156781779248906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199718953550338,0.0,0.10133302264788774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535457599726133,0.04504053144140417,0.0,0.4070377251072447,0.08158733957936995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446928479875465,0.06153911777221015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597178216789765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960952465754092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249438614077708,0.0,0.09809917361419364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391457597136882,0.08049881480258682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267878789044176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331506689282907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235348073310596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397850338560064,0.07811428946668142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826479170996548,0.0,0.07707694304806371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084348101475316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116037652107254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124850903973145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053758107893486944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259256238851799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631323318554604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318926744076524,0.0,0.0,0.17774029487900322,0.09997868433519598,0.0,0.0,0.09395189347623677,0.13098161820933493,0.0,0.0,0.11873771745117495
suicidewatch,panchitus,2018/02/02,"So completely exhausted It doesn't really matter much if I explain why I'm exhausted cause I've been guilted into believing someone always has it worse. No one truly cares - learned that the hard way too. That reality sucks but at least no one will be sad when I did.

Tired of everything, the chronic pain, the overwhelming loneliness, the fact that I'm a miserable fuck up, etc. What sucks is that I'd probably reconsider suicide if someone just acted like they cared or if anyone just hugged me. 

Either way, I hope everyone here has found peace and happiness and the loving care you all deserve and need. ",5.889668141592921,7.393084017699118,6.417865044247787,74.20785951327436,67.23008849557522,10.605752212389381,32.70907079646018,10.686352973137794,3.8636026548672575,486,21,84,14,8,158,86,113,0.299,0.473,0.228,-0.8279,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,0,6,18,3,3,6,0,8,8,0,1,2,21,21,10,1,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,10,0,2,3,1,6,8,4,16,5,7,0,3,0,3,4,3,3,5,2,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436061399291974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290747657976308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819276772371069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939053316859325,0.16587989608631235,0.0,0.0,0.1693040682545547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008795033834454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542968318586096,0.14512383486347671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704963344990782,0.0,0.14928156716508875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189375228309536,0.1446503982232042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038168080580434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888880953054238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457380109237713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870312729076753,0.1197320928613139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884005736990986,0.0,0.17182139674399155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409798099104254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344538820522034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27363546148950896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766280705750419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559241952083586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563435908349273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570659057737095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455740623582624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ialwaystried,2018/02/02,"I just wanna do it. I've been thinking about doing it for 5 years or so but it's been a lot on my mind since 2016. I'm a pathetic, worthless person whose absence wouldn't be missed. I hate college and don't have the strenght to finish it. I just don't give a shit anymore. I hate my lack of social skills. I'm weird and I never have anything interesting to talk about, anyway. I don't like opening my mouth because I always end up making a fool out of myself and it doesn't help my low self-esteem. Alas. I just know I want to do it but I'm scared I'll have to live with the consequences of a failed suicide attempt. I hate the thought of that. I just want to stop existing. I don't want help. I'm never gonna talk to anyone about this. I don't want to and I already feel embarrased. I always feel better when I write in my diary though (which I was re-reading the other day only to find out the only thing I always talk about is how much I wish I were dead, awesome e.e). I never leave the fucking house and I've wasted 25 years. It's enough to know it'll never get better.   ",0.4161781609195394,2.3768702155172403,2.4722413793103466,94.55522988505749,83.91379310344827,4.728735632183908,18.7183908045977,5.7366,-0.33162126436781625,838,21,189,5,24,281,123,232,0.23,0.598,0.172,-0.9637,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,5,13,16,5,1,11,0,20,3,2,2,4,41,44,12,2,8,7,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,14,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,5,2,27,4,25,35,4,18,0,4,0,1,10,7,2,2,12,121,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792245792512538,0.0,0.28936837548161265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496315879641568,0.08105513490070819,0.0,0.09539366656890287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066478099386901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504661372536448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475989449774552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267220228228292,0.1197780846346808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722697027657494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595031663916243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716772645438916,0.060564294005038787,0.11120263963175372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433459829267461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539971894539986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337580563143202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741504889244415,0.0,0.0,0.12274432276119487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663347806854161,0.0,0.10236096839985044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855246806995208,0.0,0.0,0.07737862243574829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704785258864425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521577389865785,0.0,0.35762378795297906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632732456808173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121834083145458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595305138532515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605782571419168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093159520861972,0.0,0.11899194004802265,0.0958916126994701,0.0,0.0,0.11816755575646133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691571622287816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679950452703556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27952036925835805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770132141523498,0.07427793268523428,0.11389246334221145,0.09202886640018762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734944443073603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333042126224312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492995242724464
suicidewatch,succulint,2018/02/02,"i don't know anymore.. Hey guys so ive never done this before and i am at the lowest point ive ever been at since january last year when i tried to take my own life. i have ADHD, Bipolar 1 & i have to go back to the shrink soon. i haven't gone since 4th grade. i never took medication for anything my whole life because i wanted to overcome what i had without the use of any drugs and honestly it didn't go so bad(burned my house down accidentally  but i was never caught) i mean i had my episodes here and there but never in school i think my social anxiety prevented that from happening. i graduated high school in 2016 got a girlfriend around march 2016 and she basically ruined my life i won't really get into details but she had me at my lowest point because she knew i was her first for a lot of things. she drove me to try and kill myself and ill always regret that. Since then i got a lot better still was depressed but my self confidence sky rocketed and my social anxiety started gradually getting better and so around september 2017 i moved away from MIA to ORL to live with my mom and start a new life its been going pretty well i thought i should get away and try to better myself even more and its worked pretty well i stopped eating fast food, barely doing drugs (only weed every blue moon) and i just started my second semester of college and its been alright ive also started working a lot more on  my video editing, graphic design, animation i finally was able to get my hands on the software so i thought id pursue my passions and it helps with my depression but yesterday my depression just randomly hit me like a freight train and ive been feeling like im trapped in a crevice i cant get out of.. i also got in a car crash today which totally helps!! lol. i honestly don't know how much time i have left. ive been waiting for insurance since i recently cut my father out of my life so i have none atm and it might be a few weeks maybe a week i don't even know. i just know i want to end everything already. My mind is consuming me with thoughts & voices. i talk to myself a lot so my depression makes it a lot worse. i just don't know how much longer i could wait to see a shrink. having money and doing what i love has not helped at all either im truly stuck in a place i don't know how to get myself out of. don't know how much more of this i can take and i don't even know if meds will help or if ill even get to that day. sorry for the long paragraph ive never done this before.",1.8607301663467657,3.7738526909788916,3.5460040786948177,88.9719555742163,78.71209213051823,6.568154190658988,22.75435860524632,7.569512494915309,0.9242504478566858,1976,62,420,29,48,658,248,521,0.139,0.72,0.141,-0.354,2,1,2,0,1,1,34.0,0,0,0,6,31,20,2,0,19,2,47,16,1,6,8,88,96,40,1,7,15,2,2,2,1,4,11,1,0,2,17,27,2,4,15,1,2,9,19,8,2,2,27,5,79,12,51,62,18,67,0,6,2,2,19,26,0,10,34,289,96,8,0.06086891926349385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315261233103383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717036600882714,0.09735370548736244,0.05064781693468385,0.13190289718245948,0.0,0.04139295238335655,0.0,0.0931291132620286,0.0,0.060365611942869386,0.0,0.0,0.05008993418581504,0.10837248620958943,0.0,0.0,0.11437670666069598,0.04680444169946873,0.05082300508856119,0.07421025643628618,0.0,0.10358993417098401,0.0,0.0,0.1615008378849108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048598879082861104,0.0,0.0,0.03925541736490167,0.0,0.20970524387818454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245800752878694,0.0,0.0,0.14117724348553184,0.0622841003489072,0.0,0.0,0.05391179561504287,0.0,0.0,0.16081338842035164,0.0550594222852239,0.05128468973445475,0.0,0.054705059783456966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030777154486010174,0.04348476808402516,0.0,0.06667892580388914,0.0,0.05177507163062605,0.07360293878582756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261048630226107,0.0,0.10377962862671533,0.0,0.14604730564983798,0.0,0.0,0.060269799868713086,0.053826184282014716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319661408227504,0.06431135513744908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702345604125351,0.0,0.0,0.13149775592712176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734244068438086,0.0,0.2676157293396437,0.04961629326618023,0.0,0.0,0.06613425887984016,0.0,0.21496758891803744,0.0594749586885425,0.0,0.05374837087996177,0.05386707811500725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587428923233552,0.05493657611657752,0.0,0.04063047626328637,0.0,0.06115101073899504,0.06630409741308647,0.06761164738614897,0.06131903242288093,0.0,0.06457230430301752,0.06146025667774686,0.07128894257721337,0.0,0.06469402822055377,0.13423697797884607,0.0,0.2347293149292539,0.05878758152292601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629355595843746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359506534128563,0.0,0.11508160655483278,0.0,0.0,0.12385114732490958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899418831795003,0.0,0.06010071449156509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320519186232495,0.048504647927461085,0.0,0.06349955780984773,0.0,0.0,0.20140559606727207,0.0,0.0,0.12409639557075787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813777170366231,0.1723333373812362,0.0,0.04860999755141458,0.050889142034064534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153170411135723,0.04892413163031402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043860527724809,0.03900234568480928,0.0,0.14496936831286258,0.03549315631742544,0.0,0.057696618245874076,0.0,0.06762760895973527,0.12397800191734605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525712028783714,0.0,0.0,0.07180413128185355,0.0,0.09765075095312796,0.0,0.1094569369624238,0.0,0.0,0.06795797460326619,0.0,0.0586754660575588,0.0,0.0886265963383062,0.0,0.0620306289067548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919758833978082
suicidewatch,ShrimpFood,2018/02/02,"not great I finally got further into college applications than I have before this year.

But my dog died last month, a family member had a stroke and is in the hospital this week, I got in an argument with some friends, it's cold, and I'm generally crushed. Deadlines are approaching and I can't bring myself to care about them.

I attempted a couple years ago, and I thought I had gotten better. but I'm realizing that if you clear that final hurdle, your self-preservation never really comes back. it's kinda been snuffed out because you've answered a question about yourself that you couldn't definitively prove until you tried. 

Even when I don't want to die, it's based out of spite or i'm thinking about how I'd hurt people. It's never for myself.",5.290684931506847,6.416987109589044,5.945095890410961,78.443397260274,68.31506849315068,9.127671232876713,29.668493150684927,9.3871,2.6248186301369865,602,22,111,12,10,196,103,146,0.132,0.7709999999999999,0.097,-0.6008,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,4,1,2,7,6,1,0,6,0,9,1,0,1,4,29,21,11,2,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,7,2,16,4,15,13,1,22,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,5,13,71,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366255401149678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329392160909087,0.0,0.10567133956563296,0.0,0.1475063910978641,0.0,0.0,0.15331223022990814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673985195663033,0.0,0.0,0.14932396363330092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180627888761148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598157380598965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144947274845816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341707876735947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797885493924339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392824458061084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772844827492716,0.19111679594107112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855726328322576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130176677721082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836472987679468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673933478744238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017768543515325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418944674696287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105117574603944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083978301174464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107440703305392,0.0,0.1376189588991755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769192174062418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224514916498724,0.0,0.13904931957304856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232608734434478
suicidewatch,Fallynalaya,2018/02/02,"Idk what to do. Lets start off this story as telling you my age. I am 17 living in Ohio. My boyfriend is 23. The age of consent is 16. My mom and my step dad got divorced some years ago and moved about 30 minutes away from where I live. Me and my mom never really had a great or close relationship. I told my dad about my relationship a few weeks ago. Well, yesterday while I was at work, my mom somehow found out about me and my boyfriend.. She flipped, kicked me out of the house to go live with my step dad and his girlfriend, knowing I don't want to fucking be here, trying to sell my pets ( I couldn't take them here ), and shes forcing me to quit my job.. I'm about to be sitting in this house alone for so long, I don't want to be here, why does she have to ruin my life? I am also home schooled, I do my work online. I'm already cooped up in the house often. This really just is no way to live. She wont even talk to me. I love that dude man, I'm lost and hurting. ",1.32118487394958,2.495510900000003,2.7695518207282923,97.20819327731094,78.09523809523809,5.893557422969187,21.40056022408964,6.2272716619740125,-0.07168347338935588,739,19,186,5,17,241,121,210,0.099,0.861,0.039,-0.8558,1,1,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,1,1,4,15,7,1,0,5,0,19,3,0,0,1,22,34,12,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,5,11,0,0,2,0,1,4,6,4,1,0,6,0,36,3,29,22,2,28,0,3,0,2,22,11,1,4,11,117,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010303540786229,0.0,0.0,0.11743992728837795,0.12513090501734267,0.09067955110460926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065355279996182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992301139192293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489435456291707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432848849972285,0.0,0.10482908800687496,0.0,0.0,0.06444329359327923,0.0,0.0906899506294541,0.12501509364321414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137414335503843,0.0,0.0,0.3925174729624433,0.12138849417659645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125240753293486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062317284389862435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595101491054755,0.08009213154257692,0.0,0.0,0.40050889646982507,0.10034836246515257,0.0,0.0,0.12378077602935013,0.0,0.10234071803506477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984100623142566,0.0,0.1205177637321728,0.0,0.0,0.0874549101231293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060636256121632,0.0,0.0,0.14528365303236726,0.0,0.0,0.2434811704273152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475876995029385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025944978600866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525668128508196,0.09114020410852436,0.09910961652588514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835092686427024,0.0,0.07698573296504325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376309323819485,0.09000530123694113,0.09095623240151968,0.0,0.1019530367062047,0.0,0.10231865391609442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510147059436284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302073808574228
suicidewatch,liverlillies,2018/02/02,"Maybe some people aren't meant for this world I'm not sure what I'm here to say. Whether it's venting or just being unsure of everything including life.

A lot of days all I want to do is die. These days seem to be more prevalent than happy ones.

I have no right to feel this way.. I have a loving boyfriend who I'm likely pushing to the edge with my drinking. 

I've pushed most of my friends away by being non existent in their lives.

I don't know what to do. 
Everything just seems like it would be better if I wasn't here. 

I only have myself to blame for how bad things have gotten. I know that life is always salvageable but I think I'm not cut out for it. 

As far as things go, I'm not that bad off but I can't get over my insecurity and I can't help being depressed. I wish I could, especially for the people I love but I can't even do that. It should be something so simple and easy and I can't even get over myself to help them. 

I don't know where I'm going with this and I don't know what I'm going to do. I just want the cycle to stop. I'm too much of a coward to actually end it, but I can't stop thinking about it. 
",0.4964169722367728,2.081133682730922,2.659483149991271,95.27784704033527,81.65060240963855,5.615575344857692,18.055002619172345,6.498293943080001,-0.3159625982189631,873,18,214,8,23,296,125,249,0.139,0.7290000000000001,0.131,-0.2551,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,1,14,13,1,1,6,0,29,5,0,1,2,44,58,15,1,7,13,0,1,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,19,7,1,2,10,1,0,5,14,5,0,1,3,2,26,8,32,46,6,21,0,1,0,2,9,10,0,7,7,145,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.12815450555510188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927313289360717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338440058517568,0.0,0.2193022059077811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161465165312422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485253055132446,0.0,0.0,0.16938785117000382,0.0,0.11311025020258456,0.0,0.1362948817132993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864875442634344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631519704734418,0.0,0.0,0.17347818551182775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23605334363688235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640199510620548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146156669859492,0.0,0.13722405158625833,0.0,0.2239055074219864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139798176553445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604910120209974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886917040695254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551782353780255,0.12831777276789882,0.0,0.11596260667177775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164803606279172,0.2370523408915418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193387054920874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965391733325536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898939190872897,0.0998787746150574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182088793661779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215105072059033,0.0,0.10443511425099712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23910716090586095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011005977208288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195875880495024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237724992183085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449332887107336,0.16829584219492771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491807652816805,0.10423987519588726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101756282376674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328969366193353,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EastHabit,2018/02/02,"everything is gone i've had a plan since high school - study this, study abroad here, work there, go to grad school. and it was all going well. until now. i don't think i'll be able to go to this school even though i've already had most of what i needed set up and ready to go in about a week. i've already shared my plans with everyone and taking them back is going to be embarrassing. i don't deserve the friends and family i have - i'm not nearly as generous and kind as they are to me. i'm just selfish. i gave up a really good thing to do this and it all fell apart. serves me right. i'm just done.",0.8702051282051322,2.5450668153846188,2.52269230769231,96.27147435897436,80.84615384615384,6.17948717948718,17.756410256410252,7.1686216300943375,-0.1402051282051282,466,9,114,6,12,153,81,130,0.085,0.809,0.106,0.3893,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,10,7,0,1,4,0,13,0,0,0,2,15,26,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,7,3,2,1,0,6,0,10,5,17,18,3,19,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,4,70,17,5,0.16203461149566756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576184460626603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245946144405016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658176647755734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702233270807164,0.0,0.0,0.15483101512483632,0.14562626076024274,0.0,0.15275181100698887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518753889732015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604400190103756,0.13590694444249402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119846336266828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873411331492796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201466112909303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380352125748024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837667287522434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919630323459872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403670504868992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218298623885314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764859594698573,0.10382523637557103,0.15919818309983522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997439156472754,0.0,0.1456885753091494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796312699175487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeechAlJolson,2018/02/02,"Finally met someone. Can't be with her due to my illness. Please help me. I want to kill myself but I don't want to die. I have been depressed for a long time, but have only been suicidal for about 2 years. The urge to do it has never been stronger, due to some life events that have occurred since the beginning of the year. I've had some really dark moments but I have never wanted to end my life more than right now.

The one silver lining is finding out that one of my best friends, who I have had a crush on for a long time, feels the same way about me. We've gone out a few times, and there's a connection.

I'm a 26 year old virgin with social anxiety. I lost a ton of weight a couple years ago (over 200lbs) and have alot of extra skin, so there have been a few roadblocks to me trying to date, as I am worried about what happens if we get intimate. I don't worry about any of those things when I'm with her. She is incredibly supportive.

I can't be with her though. I have been dealing with a recurring skin infection that my Dr. recently confirmed was MRSA. I don't think there is any way for us to be intimate. I wouldn't even try to kiss her, knowing there's a chance I can spread it to her.....I can barely live with myself right now, if I got her sick....that would be the last straw.

I start another course of antibiotics today. I'm crying on the treadmill as I type this. We're supposed to hang out over the weekend. I see my Dr. today, and I will ask questions but I have a feeling there's no way to do this without a risk of transmission.

I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die. I don't know if that makes sense. I've gotten a tiny glimpse at what happiness can be and I feel like its achievable, but I'm feeling as hopeless as I've ever been.

I would appreciate any advice, maybe someone has been in a similar situation and come through the other side. Maybe another subreddit can help, honestly any help will will be greatly appreciated.",2.6914583333333333,4.074206049382717,4.059517746913581,88.50001736111112,74.92592592592592,7.43287037037037,25.00192901234568,8.07648339933343,1.2922854938271608,1530,50,334,24,32,505,193,405,0.106,0.715,0.179,0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,6,53.0,2,0,0,3,16,14,2,1,25,0,50,11,2,1,3,51,80,21,5,11,10,0,7,1,1,6,6,0,0,0,15,16,1,0,9,1,0,3,12,6,0,2,15,8,43,8,52,53,10,50,0,3,1,2,18,12,0,7,33,225,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747561786741936,0.07935200127737946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435003043727059,0.1877341360013005,0.06848076218157798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368692480730107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394325766835393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711153461686264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904958423481884,0.09833094221075228,0.0,0.0922887731170072,0.07710142634906343,0.0,0.18581038880828388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928607338734085,0.0,0.0,0.059125567839579035,0.08097384526277535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105126727038165,0.06395143167109615,0.0,0.09806221707816892,0.08181751626763538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916111933322865,0.0,0.04676928080235216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159544747535393,0.0986935322870521,0.0,0.0,0.07916016798285892,0.09529320989003093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000539454879153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807604748726468,0.0,0.0983931258176702,0.07296883778830268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264579362376089,0.043733805241436635,0.0,0.07904573070553761,0.15844061804524226,0.0,0.0,0.09771909662711466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059753730812012976,0.0,0.1798650358367654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808307052156987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393372197822553,0.0,0.12131896152311805,0.06808221156813947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826350516011273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002802623283595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734730296748096,0.0,0.08838788627697353,0.0,0.0,0.15289517902429828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133398231927451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404993048476373,0.1006215965189208,0.0,0.09125197755036568,0.15169603966833428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336105799674728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979177868783654,0.10158357573383174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947155328654974,0.05735929970363252,0.08795064297918379,0.0,0.15659539611475334,0.0,0.1697045426239648,0.0,0.0,0.1215532253043317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767871871921374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26399916555268543,0.2131648470140406,0.0,0.1090083893875812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629182639537157,0.0,0.0,0.18181905087844966,0.0,0.12718154954338348,0.0,0.0,0.2305857432689532
suicidewatch,sarq3141,2018/02/02,"20 year old thinking about ending my life hi 
im 20 year old just got into college im really having worst time in my entire life probably no one from my family love me /like me 
i can feel the tesnion whenever i enter the room ,all of my other brothers are having the best of their time expect me i feel like disgrace for my family and they keep failing one me cause i keep failing my exams,life sucks atm and im sure it will continue to suck 
gl for all of you in their lifes wishing u the very best <3 ",1.4394392523364488,3.3048772897196272,3.581130841121496,88.4455280373832,79.84112149532709,6.522990654205607,20.980373831775697,7.554174236665415,0.7653484112149527,398,11,84,6,10,136,68,107,0.171,0.659,0.17,-0.046,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,3,4,2,11,2,0,4,0,5,4,0,1,3,15,15,2,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,5,0,2,1,2,18,6,11,13,5,13,0,2,0,1,7,4,2,0,10,51,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30936865409602954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514175849069541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055021946861586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779060308872783,0.0,0.14905696339474175,0.10530062952173903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788705104865947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776429916700682,0.0,0.0,0.2620269082107133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123331240415038,0.14402170844240225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303177879818814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093372516974528,0.0,0.199760391401555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891917249046128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442645686036967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389201699116943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444621034885232,0.0,0.0,0.1718970512486832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161817333290373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694995707416754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983800120250446
suicidewatch,IcantMainMercy,2018/02/02,What if there is no light at the end! Self harming calms me down but it’s getting to a point where the pain does not take away the thought of not being here.. I have a beautiful daughter loving family but I’ve fucked up so much I always keep thinking life would be easier with out me here. Sounds selfish but few months/years and I would be old news. ,1.125,3.451149277777777,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,84.0,5.266666666666668,18.722222222222214,6.6274283507984215,-0.07339444444444476,276,7,61,3,8,86,59,72,0.21,0.612,0.17800000000000002,-0.4295,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,7,4,0,0,0,15,14,6,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,5,2,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,1,2,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775884775268605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345883221010096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185019998801476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211477851395676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538184561391864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308307878569861,0.13045068850215094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219324894038128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636068553707082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535146516141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354802212998111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26200357361520243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568362815512225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360340822408367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604770701251033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773288297439705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998877917241278,0.0,0.19822288332095706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35473970131844296,0.0,0.0,0.1607896703358241
suicidewatch,Suhsuhdude,2018/02/02,"In a really bad position Back story: I had a severe depression that lasted a couple of years, until 6 months ago. After feeling ""alright"" for 6 months I figured I could go travel some and get a job. 

So here I am at the location of my new job (been here for a couple of weeks), in another country 10000 miles from home. And during these two weeks I've had the worst depression of my life, having suicidal thoughts constantly through my 8-hour shifts. The thing is I planned to stay here for 7 months. 

Additionally, the depression is not caused due to the work itself nor the people around me. I therefore have NO clue whatsoever to get myself out of this situation. Would gladly accept some suggestions!",5.8383121289228175,7.122185587786263,6.390483460559796,75.17103477523328,67.16793893129771,9.791687871077183,29.82273112807464,9.994966539143718,3.0128110262934693,556,20,98,13,9,181,90,131,0.208,0.746,0.046,-0.9772,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,11,1,10,1,0,2,0,16,15,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,5,0,1,4,1,11,3,20,9,3,23,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,2,14,71,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122965900914468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552341860018723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178812234833698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383460331815083,0.12360828189856166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207917045428454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998002689328336,0.0,0.11819891277897812,0.3276097125439024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825232026677531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748541173650231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469091322200104,0.0,0.08413526884964598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849747052816284,0.0,0.14579083636539972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938162468741324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206733988696798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456593144672366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35449540268474905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297918701104165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026331807486648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483903231640294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167244503777661,0.0,0.0,0.16640459708100488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779230285931276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193312803871282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835204573174232,0.0,0.0,0.1175282368935577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461481556160466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237499564033792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777581220163857,0.0,0.0,0.10516427506656092,0.0,0.0,0.09533372811789724
suicidewatch,SweetzCake,2018/02/02,"Things aren't getting better Everyone always tells me things will get better, hell, even I tell people things will get better.
But it's a crock of shit.


I feel like I'm constantly letting people down. I've compiled a list of all the things I've done wrong within this year alone, and it's a list 20+ strong, and growing.

My boss is getting frustrated with me, my boss' boss is getting upset with me, one of the librarians is getting upset with me, the patrons are getting upset with me (I work at a libaray btw), my parents, my boyfriend, my teachers, my siblings, by best and only friend, all upset with me. I've always been suicidal, even if I'm having a great day, but I'm... extra suicidal? And usually I would have someone to go to while I'm like this, but now I don't.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this, but I suppose just saying it helps the smallest bit.

And I feel like I have to say I'm sorry.

So, I'm sorry.",3.1182857142857148,4.026424758974361,4.6677838827838825,86.40519230769233,73.2051282051282,7.007326007326008,26.749084249084248,7.1686216300943375,1.2456007326007328,728,25,153,7,14,245,97,195,0.173,0.6890000000000001,0.139,-0.4388,1,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,6,5,20,3,4,9,0,15,1,1,3,3,28,35,12,2,3,7,1,2,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,2,4,20,12,18,29,5,13,1,0,0,0,7,4,2,2,9,95,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591323485937954,0.0,0.0,0.18624938601659816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174509749684962,0.2969469734107361,0.1221854057839596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209435353414322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721778136209404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453091138256816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784148986700135,0.0,0.0,0.10694238938014483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317814810754323,0.15990839974738594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646752409073177,0.0,0.4677800421359719,0.0,0.06360554538702401,0.0,0.0,0.12338992576902975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501623715591141,0.0,0.0,0.11115976881426418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444367800489764,0.0,0.16403235928296075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583849371797798,0.085118637836881,0.0,0.0,0.12427162960171555,0.0,0.0,0.1551796179076762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718645111972536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780032785072591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148821587949043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482770876864846,0.0,0.0,0.25056594563023804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24484012628605176,0.0,0.10548133550629847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564242796197392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974132296350686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326180107464366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147759445405924,0.0,0.0,0.07950329466223326,0.12236470001636195,0.0,0.07207148504574648
suicidewatch,vincecartersknee,2018/02/02,I am ending it all tomorrow I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety 2 years ago. Professional help didn't work because they always say the same shit. Nothing has changed and i feel even worse. I am addicted to Xanax. I plan on killing myself tomorrow because i don't see how i can change anything. Just wanted to say goodbye because i feel like this is the best place for it.,3.459498069498072,5.873292594594594,4.319343629343631,82.92391891891893,75.75675675675676,8.012355212355214,30.841698841698843,8.841846274778883,2.8332185328185324,308,15,57,7,7,99,56,74,0.204,0.68,0.116,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,3,3,5,2,0,2,0,9,4,1,1,1,10,13,3,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,10,2,5,11,3,7,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,6,37,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065709453800825,0.0,0.0,0.16797053754061214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767000150763552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495854231353228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593327563910175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465321494294816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885698198979004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009084068450084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320657098149233,0.1923273144024836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678309828608254,0.0,0.0,0.12515567663747268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162263204623334,0.13537095701892418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701046138660158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964146861309266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257473859319848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818197759032044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797564150039654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013784666984346,0.0,0.0,0.15099817474290628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945077032230189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176550316141458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795022593271986,0.0,0.19310544748375852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202468312897083
suicidewatch,purpleskirt,2018/02/02,"My father is concerned about my future, but I don't want to have one My father told me that I have to take my working seriously now (since I got fired from my first job, and almost got fired on my second if not for a mass layoff) since I am already getting older but I still don't have a stable job. I almost told him that it's because I don't want any of this. I am too lazy, too unmotivated, too sensitive, too weak of an ass for this dog-eat-dog world. I am not cut out for this ""life"" thing.",5.9971028037383185,3.698326654205609,7.09244859813084,82.32895327102806,67.50467289719626,9.681495327102803,28.876635514018695,7.554174236665415,1.4648557009345793,380,8,90,3,5,130,64,107,0.281,0.6990000000000001,0.02,-0.9827,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,1,0,3,0,10,3,1,0,0,11,18,4,0,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,4,2,17,0,11,14,0,9,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,3,5,63,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964612987862553,0.0,0.2184563223894833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346211534610776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206759815967142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256485581412095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683866325574624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342713195989613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166570734775476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928940763805675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982662801568585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414437882544938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275129230331724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809294972500684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884301404269362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151735678002185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783229252114781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335265889446547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411891323786524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thenipplesxi,2018/02/02,".... Apparently I'm useless. Bin told this  many times. All because I say no. That gives you a reason to get mad. I don't think I've ever bin okay mentally. Pretty sure I've bin depressed since I was a child just didn't know what it was. I've never actually had a real deep conversation with any one. Never thought about kill my self until grade 12. When I got told about how many people thought about kill them selfs in my school. Got put in my head. I don't really have a reason to kill my self but I also don't have a reason not to kill my self. The only real reason I'm still here is because my sister doesn't need more disappointments in her life. All she want is just to be normal mom some day with a loving husband. I'm just assuming. I don't care about money all it's done is just make me hate this world even more. The concept of money just doesn't make sense to me. All it does is make people not care about one another. I can't think of the last actually big thing I've done for my self is. If there ever even has been one.Started smoking weed out of high school thought it would help. It helped in a way because I don't think I would of last this long if I didn't. The reason it didn't help was because all it really did was make me go numbing and not think about any thing. Which was a good and bad thing didn't help me but didn't hurt me. Made me not think about problems. Which in turn didn't help me fix them. I don't really know what this is but lately I've bin wanting more and more to end it all. I don't feel emotional for my self just for other people. Don't want to get a job because I know one day I'll wake up and be like don't want go to work fuck it and that's the end of that. If I don't want to talk I have this ability to just shut every thing off. It's really weird. If I don't like something then it's like this switch just flips and that's it I'm gone. I'm just waiting for something to push me over the edge. So that I can take my life. I don't want to get help. There not anything someone could say that would make me feel differently. I don't like talking I've always bin a quiet person. That's probably why no ones ask if I'm depressed or think about taking my life. Even if some did before I would of probably lied because I don't like making other people's lives more difficult. My mom I'm pretty sure only keeps me around because I owe her money and do something's around the house she doesn't want to do and someone to yell at if I give her an answer she doesn't like. 
I'm not say she a bad person just only thinks about her emotions. I just want this all to stop but I don't want to explain my self to anybody. Because I'd have to talk to people and I don't like people. 

Just don't want to be anymore. 

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suicidewatch,_ChopinFloyd_,2018/02/02,"I might kill myself today I can't even begin to put into words how I'm feeling right now. But I'll try. I feel like such a pathetic, worthless, dissapointing, annoying and unlovable piece of shit. I'm tired of getting my hopes up for them to ALWAYS come crashing down around me. People express wanting to get to know me, find out I'm awful, and never want to talk to me again. I don't even want to talk to me again. I hate myself. I just want to love and be loved but I CAN'T. I'm just seemingly not allowed. People put up with me. People don't like me for who I am. And why would they. I'm thinking of going for a walk and never coming back. The only people who'd care would be my overbearing parents. No one else. I envy all you motherfuckers that have friends girlfriends boyfriends and happiness. Yeah everyone has their own demons but at least YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO HOLD AND TALK TO ABOUT IT. I don't. I probably never will if I stay alive. 

I'm just tired of being ugly. Tired of being a beta. Tired of being pathetic and unlovable. Tired of having a shitty socially anxious personality. I'm just fucking tired. And I want to go drown myself in a river. I'm sorry. But sorry to who? ",0.9395560344827594,3.3839895791666734,3.0267528735632183,88.1025,86.54166666666666,5.310344827586206,20.35919540229885,6.8039241337230125,0.536432471264368,929,29,184,12,29,313,130,240,0.282,0.601,0.117,-0.9915,2,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,2,3,0,14,16,5,0,6,2,20,10,1,2,4,48,51,15,2,9,10,1,2,2,2,4,6,0,0,1,5,15,0,1,6,0,0,7,10,8,0,1,0,2,29,8,33,41,4,26,1,1,0,3,19,9,2,4,11,128,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432011240246257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009044343150708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951236444028667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686803810818729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106612093185876,0.0,0.0,0.15387988594209662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461411075954084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179879985610678,0.0,0.0,0.08534761450018395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032419240410876,0.06380912440841296,0.0,0.0,0.08163545268476728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900721926689336,0.08257347537805837,0.0933304158867828,0.0,0.10152347631711996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508115965913867,0.0,0.08818348584768286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871338252005435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881764040439774,0.0,0.049087088765441655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727297408622038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122679156165165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475276930642768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666370389301456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052449887863015,0.06793071233016293,0.0,0.0,0.09917757774099308,0.0,0.0,0.2476886907845569,0.07798943255562296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630040479703307,0.0,0.0,0.17957944089597264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627747530332027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131216980874592,0.0,0.0,0.09168411383556398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104892002998978,0.0756792398115704,0.0,0.0,0.19996940276419545,0.0,0.0952015922774856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153723802141508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723166151451066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159505707778483,0.08466345467180206,0.0,0.0,0.06064137012270743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634117041367523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059601595792383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689854011409646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OldFartCy,2018/02/02,"Suicide thoughts This is my story (long read)

The worst day in my life was when I was 19. My grandpa died that day. He was my god, the person I can say I loved without any reasons, and he loved me so much. I could not believe it really happened, though it was expected and I thought I am used to a fact he will die soon. It was so unfair. I hated all these people around me who could not understand this loss. It was so unfair!!! 

But even that time I did not think of a suicide seriously. 

Now I am 33, I’ve just moved to a shitty rent apartment from my family, women who I loved and my kids. Just a few days since we divorced. It hurts so much.

The thing that scares me most is I think of it seriously, like it is a proper choice amongst others. 

I am not a teenager, but I feel so lost. It was one of the reasons of divorce, I lost myself, could not find any reason to move further. All the time I was just thinking about my problems, there was no place in my head for my beloved. And now I lost them, it hurts so much.

You know, there is a guy, name John Frusciante. He is ex-RedHotChilliPeppers guitarist. He was depressed because of all the popularity which they had after their first platinum album was released, and left the group.

I was always wondering why in latest RHCP clips, when he returned to the company again, John’s teeth are so unnaturally white. Then I found the explanation.

He felt so low. He lost all of his friends, started H (drug) heavily. He was living like a bum in his house full of dirt and insects. He lost almost all of his teeth - yeah, kids, your body is rotten when you are on drugs heavily.

The last point of his falling was fire. He put his house on fire accidentally one time. He almost died, had a lot of heavy burns. His tapes all were burnt down in that fire.

You can see John’s scars in Californication clip, at his left arm. Starting from this day, he only grew up. He got all of his shit together and started fighting for himself. He is now the person who is believed to be a main part of most influential rock groups of 90’s. I don’t know if he is happy or not, but seems like he is enjoying himself.

But why in hell am I so scared, knowing this story? How can I even consider suicide as an option? I feel no strength or energy to do something. To live further. Trying to cheer up myself, but all the cheers I send inside of me are being broken by my evil alter-ego.

Fuck, I did not cry since my grandpa died. I was screaming and crying so much that day. Now I am crying like a girl every day. I feel I lost my life, all by my fault, and nothing is ahead. I wanna fight this emptiness so much, but I feel I am losing that fight.

May be I behave just like Tyler Durden and my problem is nothing in comparison to any of other struggling people here, but fuck I feel so lonely and meaningless. I feel so pity to myself, and I feel shame for that. Mostly, I am typing it now just to express myself, to speak to myself, to say hey, man, you know the worst day of your life, right? Cheer up, mate. But I can not even think of my family (which I lost) without pain, and I think of them every time. 

Thank you for reading this flow of my thoughts. I really needed to write it down.",2.304735307065819,4.042191365177196,3.6025487012987014,89.8758811633282,76.79661016949153,6.2381796169931745,22.683276469293407,7.021680442328713,0.6013572309046888,2472,72,531,26,56,807,279,649,0.254,0.633,0.113,-0.9989,1,2,3,0,6,3,101.0,1,7,4,12,38,55,9,4,25,1,56,17,6,5,10,99,102,44,7,9,26,2,11,5,2,2,6,4,1,8,33,15,0,0,28,3,1,7,13,38,0,3,33,18,87,17,66,61,24,66,1,15,2,5,72,27,4,13,37,365,120,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098647528089403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456462619054562,0.0,0.0,0.11191599124404973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048835262685140234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033440935921584265,0.0,0.0,0.12361239140294325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060934886264249886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313989800856787,0.0,0.1807768560425873,0.24765216340715626,0.0,0.04724912673608273,0.0,0.2277358286456671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723575903659373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869960182892503,0.0,0.09244048494243733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343050598232514,0.0,0.1941650198525606,0.0,0.052672295948730574,0.0,0.0501392306007316,0.046662198350485816,0.0,0.06014898040839097,0.042383165232127484,0.10143069922014006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043874964856997684,0.0,0.0,0.054318058236242514,0.04851076026192263,0.058397375566021516,0.0,0.054160931147973435,0.056300148498815726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659756465079613,0.11745327633494808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059411847119235,0.0447166028918226,0.0,0.0,0.119206784594309,0.0,0.11624351206597686,0.13400427231712947,0.0,0.09688126212200954,0.048547615761805316,0.0,0.061372085090585865,0.4191880150331744,0.04663832142814092,0.1485344972424119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166107735574331,0.20163476022804588,0.040676521986747816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527548717080597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434641951426597,0.04172199134542854,0.05837279425614141,0.0,0.0,0.059405882862745424,0.0,0.07606327873500912,0.0957998030200482,0.057314948287040986,0.0,0.05185855453628894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049834205720177,0.0,0.055147455560773266,0.0,0.0,0.10974571793055583,0.0,0.0702868964736333,0.1692095237339596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046848443881887296,0.0,0.08725058852057757,0.10984488335832833,0.0,0.043714734354377206,0.049940675265555214,0.0,0.0,0.056310962637472324,0.09075823148673096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04223237899526813,0.0,0.0,0.1164863531525432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734950677450708,0.0,0.18001728921278867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050588852340576,0.0,0.0,0.036445226651270896,0.1757540002515665,0.05389771984022315,0.13065340531480846,0.1279525955644518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03724499026504555,0.0,0.0,0.05710912683738184,0.0,0.04737971033116144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900164932554163,0.0,0.0,0.10576233501009642,0.059491175671368815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WillyWankerz,2018/02/02,I just want someone to talk to Anyone at this point. Just as long as I can have a decent conversation. ,1.7628571428571431,3.7807921904761934,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,79.47619047619048,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.3901238095238093,80,2,17,1,2,27,17,21,0.0,0.929,0.071,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550885654777405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494161284565613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800662286156676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43028516103407705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081768418634407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995329969353485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imabuscus,2018/02/02,"I want to leave. I'm dealing with the loss of a friend, who wasn't all that close, but was a friend nonetheless. It comes in waves. On top of that, I've got a dad who's constantly on my ass for every little thing. I'm overweight, I keep trying to exercise and diet and nothing works. I want to leave my body. I've spent the past few days looking at the most painless ways to die, because I'm also a coward. Nothing works. Nothing will work. I just want to leave. Nobody cares about you until you're gone. Even then they soon forget.",0.8800606060606064,3.1011137636363664,2.2522727272727288,95.24174242424245,84.0909090909091,4.757575757575757,19.166666666666664,5.985473137389443,-0.19306060606060613,414,11,90,3,12,133,74,110,0.203,0.634,0.16399999999999998,-0.6970000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,5,5,4,0,0,7,0,3,5,2,0,1,14,16,6,1,3,2,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,8,3,15,10,3,16,0,1,1,1,8,7,1,1,6,50,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174812230750635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280550064167012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910688862170548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522118401822774,0.0,0.0,0.13114327176840335,0.0,0.16451985474673142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098183696874171,0.15695513925629373,0.0,0.0,0.15800348442001275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005546115788424,0.0,0.1282707144434975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524406597767694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217620849110628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531996246715394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836078806681834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258679262168626,0.0,0.0,0.12784519929894508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382418145424701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453325138638164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011430276144645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336253674379607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693893811352304,0.12084286137100278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33250265010492397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0001yun,2018/02/02,"I lost everything, i have nothing expect mental disorders and i'm only 20... I (20,f) have been in psychiatry for almost 3 months now and i want to die even more than before because i got to confident with my feelings,

I used to be isolated for 2 1/2 years, my parents were the only people i've seen for multiple months(!) and i never even really saw them that much, i was sleeping all day and playing videogames all night, i have to act completely different towards my parents because i don't want them to see what an actual monster i am.
If i'll ever be on my own, i break the contact entirely to them and move out of this country. The reason why i've ot send to the psychiatry was simple to my parents: i can't do shit on my own. I don't leave the house and i never had human contact or friends my. entire. life.

So, but the things are different, i am 20 and i can tell what i want now without my parents knowing it which kinda reveals my true self...and i am scared, i am actually suicidal, and extremely depressed, every hour they need to check my room now but not since beginning but since today. The reason? I ''just'' wanted to be friends with someone i thought is special, like seriously special, i am not in love, i just wanted to be friends, my therapist was surprised i am able to get some kind of feelings towards other human beings because my isolation made me hate people since forever, i got bullied at school, human ruin the world you know the whole package is just trash.

But whatever my therapist said 2 weeks ago something like ''friendship is not possible between patient and personal'', i got so pissed and depressed at this point, i thought it was over, but i always found a way to make things better than they currently are...my therapist knows how much i like this girl and how good i feel to be around her, but my therapist said i focus on her so much, focus on something other than myself and focus on something without future and i said i ACCEPTED it that it's not possible, but at least let me talk to her as long as i am here, because it makes me happy...

That's been 2 weeks ago and i had so much hope, all the hope i had i put into a random girl i thought who was special, today my therapist said ''no, it's not good for you to talk to her alone, for her safety, and your safety, sorry but we can't to this'' 
????????what???? is that all you got???? fuck my therapist seriously, they say they want the best for you but at the end they're all just puppet players who pull the strings...

Now the only girl i ever really liked my entire fucking life is forced to ignore me, not talk to me or whatever they fucking told her, because they don't want us to talk alone and she is professional at her job at such a young age she is not going to quit because of me, like me next option is to study medicine or whatever this shit is called while i can barely cook eggs proberly, i want the contact to her so badly i can't take 'no's anymore, it's bullshit, everything is bullshit, i told them it's not love, i told them i accept the fact that we can't be friends after i'm gone here but 

just

let

me

talk

to 

her

for fucks sake they wont let me, and they said that there is NOTHING i can do, like wtf, i had huge social anxiety before i came here, they always tell me what HUGEEE steps i made, but since i show any kind of interest in a HUMAN they say no? say no to someone that told you she is the only thing on this entire fucking earth that can make you smile? say no to someone without hope? say no to someone with suicidal thoughts and several depression in a psychiatry? is that what professionals do?

I am ready to kill myself, i don't know how, but i just want to die so fucking badly, i wont ever have a future anyway, it's all just plain bullshit, i never thought a human could take control over my mind, i told them she is perfect, i trusted them and now everything goes shit

fuck this

im out, shouldn't have put my last bit of hope in this miserable life in something human, why am i so fucking stupid....",2.796844349680171,4.43730631034483,4.264399676494378,86.0749389750754,75.1822660098522,7.163032129990442,26.528269980148522,7.913819287138632,1.5709208293507833,3132,117,638,47,67,1041,291,812,0.17800000000000002,0.667,0.155,-0.99,8,3,4,0,0,3,110.0,3,7,17,6,34,61,15,2,25,0,70,20,5,12,15,130,141,48,5,18,34,4,3,6,4,3,3,10,1,10,39,29,2,2,18,3,1,10,31,27,0,0,39,16,130,34,81,88,18,77,0,6,3,10,90,30,12,13,41,448,169,4,0.04214106718066513,0.0,0.08224720529261292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471102681832577,0.0,0.042198191516893815,0.08729087303654355,0.0,0.0,0.07012948748963972,0.0,0.0,0.028657370761620726,0.0,0.03223780104803565,0.0,0.04179261500067585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03751448421586345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037206172460662,0.15413282048453525,0.0,0.07171788866897558,0.0,0.0442244501088723,0.037270349363798236,0.046007130920577184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303074124522825,0.048198154346287984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044184107171572534,0.0,0.047264790170790334,0.033646213093915814,0.0,0.0,0.027177502088024014,0.0,0.10888811823838873,0.0,0.08747154903411708,0.08805689186971373,0.04829731391988493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037324477390653824,0.0,0.0,0.05566755486191826,0.11435702365961717,0.03550566662903444,0.0,0.11362102173085163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392336929181504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046205505040059235,0.13023233587337982,0.31166990045132065,0.022016968293491618,0.0,0.02394973962004627,0.07069185556350344,0.134816244336512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044859949623778164,0.0,0.04160557934882095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742235307484898,0.04150046250140185,0.048625133558503016,0.0,0.0,0.04551958399855338,0.0,0.04181850670347216,0.0,0.04662284711686136,0.08776687325305757,0.09263851375350747,0.034350594245554346,0.0,0.04462130545457184,0.0,0.12927628901065336,0.08929644602736099,0.12352798078169575,0.0,0.0,0.037293518352840206,0.0,0.0,0.04600195288869235,0.0,0.07606791685532324,0.07974979338944524,0.08438846872153043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246828403332965,0.0,0.04255046478459832,0.0,0.06727319554874887,0.044789285277573296,0.12391413276449695,0.031247067346939817,0.0975053667723432,0.0,0.04481750302662108,0.039546536834873684,0.0,0.08087098102143024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282007221604424,0.0,0.0,0.18717067218023434,0.0,0.0,0.05843061985575411,0.03679595440542173,0.0,0.0,0.039836929682392656,0.09501544286901027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472682391484998,0.0,0.04482221219312831,0.0,0.0,0.053993293439260494,0.08665607129310318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042902548047808,0.16756134020325306,0.042190559816454656,0.042649009791035294,0.0335809745206296,0.0,0.04396232369468432,0.04760741093627206,0.12977159963263538,0.13943810498247444,0.0,0.04217150095540023,0.04295751104096018,0.14282395787698282,0.12976900936776853,0.0,0.047173474568768616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219097544734606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336967599868085,0.1693569676228243,0.07366630031724919,0.0,0.0,0.29357416211532844,0.08398995754979477,0.0,0.0,0.16727650069282846,0.0,0.0,0.07988960852323856,0.20133797803442646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069051512559285,0.03639635168608154,0.0,0.0,0.2237030393450248,0.03344961762279289,0.06760604436468451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760515170137006,0.047048996562942966,0.0,0.1218674548640159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02713746561518867
suicidewatch,arisaPP,2018/02/02,"I self-harm because I just need love and I need someone to care for me. Is it weird? (18F) My parents always offend me and never support me, not even at school, not even with my mental disease (depression). So I don't feel like anyone loves me. I have no friends. I self-harm because I just need attention. I just need someone to care for me. I usually hurt myself by cutting. I decide to cut my wrist because it's easy for people to notice when I go outside. So people would ask me if I'm alright. I feel so good when people ask me these kind of questions! I just feel so good when someone seems to care about me. That's why I continue self-harming. My parents and people I know they never show me love. All I need is love.. I need someone to love me ): Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and I feel like killing myself but I don't really want to die. I just need someone to care for me and understand me. I'm afraid if I died, I wouldn't see people crying for me. I wish I could admit myself to the hospital to see my parents' reaction. I just want to know if they still love me ): I'm addicted to cutting. I can't stop thinking about hurting myself. I just need love... ",0.29137500000000216,2.6237253875000057,2.3291666666666693,92.6125,88.875,4.866666666666667,22.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.5311416666666666,903,34,189,10,30,301,102,240,0.174,0.64,0.18600000000000005,0.7255,3,0,0,0,0,5,39.0,0,0,2,0,19,29,5,1,1,1,10,9,1,0,3,51,52,16,4,17,13,3,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,14,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,1,6,53,19,23,48,1,11,0,3,2,7,17,1,0,5,11,123,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664971531908983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850464937207956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916330859528086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146318261481788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285833811420564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286748300160927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613786640173633,0.0,0.07723368161935051,0.0,0.0,0.06055903544866285,0.0,0.14594409540008954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287992526905782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220606066369568,0.10046083972633787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054322350126290136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995954253138967,0.11794759583307796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505394409691352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778905624265406,0.07321841824257512,0.07728252350767847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870111714744565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442109695040687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085727147716249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170796130363364,0.10845684650135584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004990193795124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342171946627749,0.0,0.0,0.2437250755439484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876476802971756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504323094581862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115880789117476,0.11205803494242908,0.064008783498369,0.22005011803795102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978727592569374,0.0,0.06953969168322628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561507096424453,0.05878341045554655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690917026327589,0.07978845081303444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505265373868085,0.0,0.05581933290282843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319656204240613,0.0,0.0,0.0774379836312629,0.0,0.08294287450788099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344502856603088,0.0,0.08085454610908628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994714321071177,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pricklypointycacti,2018/02/02,"Cornered with suicidal thoughts creeping back in Suicidal thoughts are returning after four months of them dissipating. I thought that after my goddaughter was born that they would go away. I experienced a true love with her that makes my heart swell up with joy. My bipolar is getting worse, went from being manic for almost two months to now being depressed again. My last manic episode landed me in the hospital. I need help but I am cornered. I attend university and due to my prior hospitalization, I am being watched. If i get hospitalized again, I will be forced by the university to take a leave of absence. That means no classes and no more living on campus. I am 18 and have no family, I have been in foster care for a good portion of my life. Everything I own is in my dorm room. Where will I go? 

I don’t know how to connect with others. Last semester, I miraculously got a 3.5 GPA, and now I can’t even focus or bring myself to do any type of school work. I am on scholarships and various grants that depend on GPA for funding. I am scared that my depression will take a hold of me and ruin my grades and funding. If that happens, i will be homeless as well. I depend on my uni for food, shelter, and basic needs. 


I have been through rape, physical, mental, emotional and psychological abuse. I am intelligent but a recluse. I do not leave my dorm room at uni because I am scared. I don’t party. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have ended things. He didn’t take my depression seriously and I broke up with him. During my manic state, I impulsively slept with five guys in a one month period. I tainted his memory of me so when I die, it will be easier for him to move on.

I plan to take an overdose of Xanax, Percocet, Seroquel and down it with alcohol as soon as my paycheck comes. I will travel to Louisiana by Greyhound and sightsee before going to a field and doing the deed. I will go to New Orleans, my dream city to finally rest and be at peace.

I love my goddaughter but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. She is almost four months, and if I die, she won’t remember or feel grief. ",3.3880978029766102,5.138730407228916,4.837282069454286,82.12169206236716,73.8433734939759,8.159461374911409,26.90467753366407,8.841846274778883,2.0809560595322454,1649,61,327,34,34,551,215,415,0.187,0.708,0.105,-0.991,0,0,1,0,1,0,51.0,0,0,2,2,13,17,1,2,12,0,43,10,2,5,1,54,72,31,5,6,9,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,4,1,11,24,2,2,8,2,3,10,10,10,1,5,10,3,65,7,57,46,6,58,0,6,1,3,13,23,0,9,24,239,76,11,0.0,0.11672491515294313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052832506578808,0.19729835085089129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699400836558067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255867969851826,0.07575244040870406,0.0,0.060054215201419923,0.0,0.08382954726408064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044325308735384,0.0,0.0,0.08486249425458905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455410982589355,0.0,0.20448734590788128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108168267549426,0.08725560943292106,0.0,0.0,0.06506864616319492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853949819356473,0.0,0.09287177068278717,0.0,0.049812463870868656,0.0,0.0,0.1079190600308527,0.0,0.0,0.11912549390247686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294070382857992,0.0,0.22395481704241546,0.08263023852387652,0.07879195090877253,0.0,0.0,0.0975459648106652,0.08711704849365877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674149888266533,0.06603295186464182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828323046455304,0.1606067784370031,0.0,0.20862766063034688,0.0,0.0,0.06958450470952318,0.0,0.0,0.08699110841429915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782840933135244,0.0,0.06575994970038926,0.0,0.0,0.10731240467279743,0.0,0.0,0.09928058646646888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31453695196686204,0.10470652655241793,0.07242032526372015,0.14609618646831915,0.0,0.09514701178751232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066756742207131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159900718199267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972626687077305,0.09970307961925394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21552022450789712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962859809641283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065449408757943,0.0,0.0,0.2346312237783245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623545810080962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857738489656422,0.09132497834146226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172055379756849,0.0,0.10039584597430877,0.06998267879793259,0.0,0.0,0.06344083738761623
suicidewatch,moon-lover,2018/02/02,"Bucket list... *poisoning*

  CO poisoning

  Food poisoning

  Overdose 

 -huffing

*oxygen deprivation*

  Drowning

  Bag over my head

  Rope on my neck

  Wet towel

  Slicing my throat 

*blood loss* 

 -cut wrists 

  Hit an artery

  Stabbing

  Bruising

*break bones*

  Run over by a car

  Drop of a high building 

  Huge stone

  Fight

 -hit a wall

*pain*

  burning

 -bruising 

 -hair pulling

 -cutting


(I hope I can do it all until I die... all the ""-something"" is what I've already done)
",1.0482467532467543,-0.21502796103895785,1.1136688311688339,91.97621753246756,153.28571428571428,3.1779220779220783,24.82792207792208,5.288315135182226,1.0328519480519491,345,17,57,4,28,102,66,77,0.189,0.7490000000000001,0.062,-0.8658,1,0,1,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,5,0,4,12,7,0,2,3,7,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,2,6,1,6,4,2,12,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545895606088066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33348408593839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32882651072001345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885468440078728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329771624815969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394969614628599,0.0,0.3191477171568303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34191190823059603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473712878644774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WaifuDick,2018/02/02,"Depressive Rant Before The End. I'm not sure if this kind of stuff is allowed, I'm not going to give an in depth method about what I'm going to do.  I have it fairly well planned out, and have given myself around two weeks to make sure I'm *really* sure I want to do this and to get my affairs in order.  I don't have any pets to look after, and my younger siblings are so young they'll barely remember me.  I've given up on finding love, on finding something that will make me feel truly happy.  If I'm going to die, I would rather die now while everyone can have somewhat positive memories of me, rather than when I'm older and most likely on so many drugs I can barely understand the English language.  I want it to be on my own terms, so I have control over something that has happened in my life.  

I've been thinking of killing myself for the past four or five years, and have made attempts in the past.  Medication doesn't work and neither does therapy.  I know what it feels like to lose someone to suicide, I've lost someone close to me due to it.  I don't want my family or close friends to feel that way, but I feel like I'm just going to drag them down if I stay alive.  I'm so fucking tired.  I feel like most people who I care about don't view me as an actual person but rather a walking fleshlight.  I wouldn't give a fuck if they were direct about it, but it hurts more when you feel like maybe for once someone was being genuine.  

Nothing I do will ever be enough, and I hate myself for not being enough for anyone.  I've tried to go to counsellors to deal with the trauma of my ex boyfriend dislocating my arm, stalking me, forcing me into having sex with him and then hitting me when I tried to say no.  I got told it wasn't his fault, and that it was society's.  I can't sleep because I have nightmares about it.

I'm sorry for all the self pity, I know there are people who have it much worse and that it seems petty.  I have my plan organised, it takes a while to set up but should be one of the more painless options.  During the time I have left, I want to help people and I'm going to spend the last week or two hopefully surrounded by friends and family.  I'm not sure if my friends will have time for me, but I hope they do.  Sorry for the depressive post.  ",4.130000000000003,4.4233949830148624,5.013679405520172,87.08039171974525,70.50743099787687,7.893588110403397,26.952653927813163,7.675431598112923,1.317152526539278,1771,53,385,19,30,578,221,471,0.125,0.742,0.133,0.7057,1,0,4,0,0,2,44.0,0,1,4,7,20,31,4,0,15,0,44,10,2,5,6,78,98,36,4,17,21,1,6,5,3,7,4,1,1,2,24,19,0,1,14,0,1,7,13,12,1,5,11,9,53,19,58,74,12,54,0,6,2,4,23,20,2,15,27,257,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.07337215805430364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113008106383078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257285104933821,0.0,0.0,0.06693281930782469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583360462203513,0.0,0.06397902815080388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665867139410949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432917914905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751501523433807,0.12951777418168925,0.0,0.15606551731825086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579709150012751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719363428018999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665938117814029,0.15537758120291725,0.0,0.0,0.06801140200627809,0.0,0.07184488223821828,0.0,0.0,0.14176017466039706,0.0,0.2281023671676744,0.21485587175193366,0.0,0.0,0.13744003318541734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742690374248073,0.13901927193347,0.03928236763205253,0.14425341014643953,0.25638474759252844,0.0,0.060134315522053415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648806154747003,0.08003849619920338,0.0,0.07423209416203083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050396599100312814,0.0,0.0,0.14935631317717918,0.0,0.0,0.08048977818267374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318383330909915,0.07829621533455014,0.08264217183861704,0.06128785096775648,0.0,0.0,0.08169144317867565,0.0,0.05310715769042335,0.1836640831299996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313856697048129,0.08411558484690129,0.08207604249038028,0.0,0.06785965794842258,0.07114423431836635,0.10037648562798288,0.0762283279917963,0.07553595373586305,0.0,0.0,0.07574350023406891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552714666839581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214443798303631,0.0,0.0,0.0800722379906098,0.05094899863256266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435499605757146,0.15637664501844334,0.06565082844549945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720088451629355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048167040399774284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517278519477135,0.0,0.0,0.05979212104992094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844787986934033,0.07843696454086191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752418035963284,0.0,0.19111838464313854,0.11576602793988786,0.0,0.16833251025205276,0.0,0.0801398753336226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607170371894532,0.0822429260378849,0.0,0.2834533311516605,0.0,0.0565316458678849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598346357152771,0.0,0.0,0.04817711667616351,0.0,0.0,0.08768487654197238,0.08641697541138747,0.0,0.07184488223821828,0.0,0.10209475966597127,0.0,0.14689453262919824,0.07827284337711235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773901517899608,0.05968034104852463,0.12062176106541618,0.0,0.06760259582423052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473739844915052,0.0,0.07662249010578043,0.053411045663610365,0.0,0.0,0.048418287508419165
suicidewatch,Clintt64,2018/02/02,"They'll only care if you're dead They'll only care if I'm dead, at least I think so. I could imagine that a lot of poeple still wouldn't care if I'm dead because depression has made me such a horrible person. I get it though. I'm always quiet, boring, sad, passive in social situations and I'm a loser. Even when poeple ask me if I want to talk about it, I refuse to. I probably ruin peoples day with my expression and attitude. And I hate myself so unbelievably much for so many things. Who would give a shit about someone like me? I completely get it, that's not the problem but that fact that it's true kills me. I'm giving myself till the end of this school year and if nothing has changed by then. I'm going to kill myself. I have felt like killing myself for so long now and I really want to but I'm giving myself some more time. At the end of this school year I'll see if it was worth it.


",0.9474210526315794,2.9340235315789513,2.966842105263158,91.60289473684212,82.10526315789474,5.894736842105264,18.94736842105263,7.0608816371341465,0.20642105263157928,701,17,155,9,19,236,106,190,0.214,0.645,0.141,-0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,1,12,17,5,0,7,0,9,1,1,1,2,30,33,21,6,12,9,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,0,1,14,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,11,0,0,3,3,22,6,17,25,5,16,0,4,1,0,12,3,1,8,14,97,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003774582273244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239517361969573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732887143031936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677355629998338,0.0,0.12718327176592098,0.0,0.1260547778361313,0.0,0.0,0.09599075749366877,0.0,0.0,0.07753588806363867,0.0,0.103550563254454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296927816414785,0.0,0.0,0.07940820478222209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543590940551933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256263495869326,0.34599548903037114,0.06832726290734004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869838268302615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990370980621565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747279863562132,0.0,0.0,0.10639631468483167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022119303940104,0.0,0.11376084220902576,0.0,0.12189039457121432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838001646005436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536018490156542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828747323965787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334963945456123,0.10497679266965199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296240695323899,0.11504014024781692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701991784849271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433504623399457,0.095804635505733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341036335085938,0.0,0.13513917301509462,0.0,0.1225553679207381,0.10186718388327733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601271829273984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663318462359327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987287825984958,0.07703602998603068,0.11812153225095948,0.0,0.07010480539976861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418249367679487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540517156691736,0.0,0.0,0.15484333250753848
suicidewatch,yeraveragebloke1,2018/02/02,"I'm 17 and I just want to end myself without making my family sad... Please tell me how to quit easily. I'm sick of being me. Everyday, a new drama, a new anxiety issue, a new way to be fucking depressed. I'm literally living on Xans right now, just keeping on the edge. 

I can't really find anybody to open up to because they just won't **fucking listen**. One of my best friends just got away from me because I was too depressing and gloomy, and not the same happy ass guy I used to be. There's so much in my head, and plus keeping up with school with that shit is just ridiculous. I'm really full to the brim and I just can't even wake up nowadays. I really hate my life. Please help me quit this shit.",0.5619132653061243,2.698261394557825,2.8434651360544234,91.04029974489798,84.71428571428572,6.123979591836736,20.0718537414966,7.413659706084162,0.610401700680272,543,16,119,9,16,185,91,147,0.202,0.6859999999999999,0.112,-0.9401,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,12,12,6,0,6,0,8,9,5,3,0,25,22,8,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,2,9,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,9,0,1,2,1,16,3,21,16,4,17,0,3,0,3,6,10,5,0,6,76,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132085126332492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244374060660404,0.0,0.0,0.16147574246602178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899393835847298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228151145005952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730787148120958,0.0,0.0,0.08747935440685213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248583307169968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105327295433925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232747507375443,0.2448884430720789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059291902380864,0.0,0.0,0.1311423939147087,0.0,0.1409912629195294,0.0,0.13076303531512778,0.13592783857950802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877578279729152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823924589906675,0.0,0.2354482359211231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355054865353543,0.0,0.0,0.11695227197648085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840875421303927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736307228700168,0.0,0.0,0.38375160645131395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974885839699075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29077193868087664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28174531433742844,0.0,0.0,0.2545449569726335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310818687826847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404245441947973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190789522709874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576366896802084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143908460201207,0.0,0.0,0.07812010069537803,0.10512949462415648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767324762337556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crysos,2018/02/02,I'm so scared My wife is having an affair. She is refusing to stop. She says that she still loves me. But get mad when I'm upset about it or when I want to talk to someone other than her about this. I can't even talk to my father about it because she doesn't want him to hate her. She keeps dangling us getting being exclusive likke a carrot on a stick to keep me calm. I have my gun hidden in my room and a 15 page letter written for whoever finds. I'm so scared and alone right now.,1.3144761904761886,2.774608447619052,3.0076190476190483,94.27904761904765,78.80952380952381,5.80952380952381,19.285714285714285,6.42735559955562,-0.12385714285714312,377,8,88,3,9,125,71,105,0.22,0.6920000000000001,0.087,-0.9464,0,1,0,1,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,10,7,2,3,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,19,8,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,18,2,13,17,1,9,0,0,0,1,18,4,0,1,5,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281775752079594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114593475823424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209641065000922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966319447700462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480111983797027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240392193068852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382448515368188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417015849853872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372640584180516,0.0,0.17108612056446176,0.4307807036327322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228546070945592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180923159722686,0.17986473626679567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458390407477494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587841435181921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537875589891416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvenVisual,2018/02/02,"I'm gonna die this week. Hello all, I am committing suicide. I tried many times in the past, but either I couldn't go through with the whole thing, or my family caught me. Life sucks and I can't bear the stress anymore. I'm getting a steak knife and stabbing my jugular artery in my neck, therefore I can't backtrack, and I'm doing it in the bathroom when I'm at school (single bathrooms), so my no students or teachers can stop me. I'm going to die this week and I'm not scared. I'm just sad that my family will have to deal with my death. I can't imagine the trauma and guilt my family will feel. My little brother is nine, and he will have to deal with a dead sister. Fuck me. I'm a fucking disappointment. I suck as a person. Fucking kill me. I wish I could just be murdered so I don't have to deal with the fear of suicide, and it just happens. ",1.465,3.128669222222221,3.0886111111111134,92.95625000000004,79.0,5.6111111111111125,22.916666666666664,6.322622252153567,0.3679999999999999,660,21,148,5,16,218,99,180,0.344,0.5920000000000001,0.065,-0.9969,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,0,6,14,7,4,10,0,17,5,1,1,2,28,38,14,8,3,8,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,11,0,1,2,0,0,3,7,14,0,1,1,1,22,0,15,30,4,14,0,2,0,3,8,5,5,2,6,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328915044829045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698770292623623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144428243300938,0.0,0.0,0.2781406655316013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37896842944666187,0.15078669977381878,0.06775417711692383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716411557311915,0.07000921192960029,0.0,0.15231001601743774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849532175008365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825060112979185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464781483012873,0.0,0.13430270923111587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358544683305257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791769206180428,0.0,0.1170032011574718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134156883193214,0.13561465526254218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202958818923876,0.15349598285546484,0.0,0.0,0.2931474239347359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902331843450499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813619029214082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097686948640683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497264403329686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960566448305238,0.15409282029797694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BumWineandCigs,2018/02/02,How do you do it I need to know how,-6.684000000000001,-6.4306474,-1.84,117.16000000000004,123.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,26,0,10,0,2,10,8,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5954541825907862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8033892683096647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayIGuess995,2018/02/02,"I was going to hang myself today Please don't read this if you're on the tipping point, or in the early stages of recovery, I understand you may be curious or whatever, but, please, I don't want to worsen your condition.


I don't want to post here. I don't want to feel like I'm asking for attention. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be trying to achieve by writing this, I guess there's a part of me that believes getting this shit out of my head might help.

I don't even think I want help anymore though.

I was going to write a short note on a piece of paper today telling my parents not to let my younger sister go near the shed/garage on our property, I was going to place it on the kitchen bench. I didn't want her to look around outside when she realized I wasn't in my room and find my fucking corpse hanging from the ceiling. I was hoping my mum would see the message when she got up to make dinner, or get a drink or something, and make my sister stay inside. 

I've had depression for about 2 years, and sure there have been ups and downs, but it feels like this past 6 months has been a constant effort of maintaining at least somewhat of a healthy emotional state. I'm a 16-year-old student, but I don't have any of the aspirations I used to have, I don't even know why the fuck I try anymore, I don't give a shit about what I'm learning anymore - even though I used to find it really interesting. I don't find enjoyment in old interests anymore, I guess I used to be able to escape everything at least temporarily through gaming - I played the absolute shit out of games like Skyrim and Witcher, modded the fuck out of the former, - but I've reached the point where I've run out of distractions, I just don't it fun anymore, at least not anywhere remotely on the level that I once did.

I've been through a lot of shit, nothing compared to some of the stories I've heard about others on different subreddits though, so I feel even more like shit just for feeling like shit, if that makes any sense. It seems most people that try to help attempt to persuade others to, you know, ""think about your family"" or ""how your actions could affect others"". Like holy fuck you think I don't know that? You think that shit doesn't fuck me up inside? I think the only reason I didn't go through with everything, today at least, was a fucking video of my mum or dad stumbling upon my dead body replaying over and over and over in my head. The worst part is I feel like crap just for assuming it would have a bad effect on them, as in I feel like I know it would negatively affect them, and that just makes me feel like a self-obsessed piece of shit.

If I could simply erase myself from existence without affecting anyone, I would have done it a very long time ago. It took me trying to get help to realise I don't think I really want it.

There's so much shit pulling me away from that rope though, even though I'm pretty sure it's the thing what I've wanted for the past 2 years. I mentioned before about the last 6 months feeling like I've just been trying to pretend I'm somewhat emotionally stable. Yeah it doesn't help when I'm the fucking School captain that's supposed to be an ideal role model for other students, at least when I'm pretending to be okay, I'm not affecting anyone else negatively though, so there's that I guess. But there's other stuff too, like this primary school kid I always see on the walk home, he calls me ""awesome"" and ""cool"" and always high fives me whenever I'm going past. But, like fuck man, what the fuck does it show him when someone he (I assume) at least somewhat looks up to fucking kills himself? Like it makes me feel like such shit just for even thinking about it.

I sit in class most days and write, in my head, my suicide letter. I saw another post saying it felt like it brought the person an odd feeling of peace or a similar emotion, and I guess it feels good to know I'm not alone with that. Friends at school ask me if I'm okay, I tell them you know, ""yeah sure I'm fine"". They know I'm not fine. But there's only so much that they can do. Only so much anyone can do. The heart of the matter is up to me. People seemed more concerned today than usual, I guess I'm just more fucking empty inside now, and it comes across subconsciously. I mean, I've always stared off into nothingness for periods of time during class, lunch, whenever. But I guess people could see more misery than usual, less of an intense-thinking kind of stare, and more like a fucking empty inside, eye-fixation on the ground.

I'm not interested in taking anti-depressant medication, because filling my head with Dopamine, trying to trick myself into not feeling so fucking dead on the inside isn't going to, truly, solve anything, at least not in the way I would want. I guess I see it more like hitting the snooze button on an alarm clock than anything else. It's certainly not the approach I would want to take anyway. I've thought about therapy, but like I mentioned before, I'm not sure if I even want to ""get better"", if I did make the decision to seek help physically, it would be for the sake of my family, but I think I'm surpassing the point of caring anymore.

I know this is probably messy as fuck, with ideas just scrambled all over the place, but it's just how my thoughts come from my brain unfiltered (always makes me spend way too much time when I have to write an essay). I don't really expect anything to come of this, I'm unsure if I'll last the weekend, but I guess I can at least say now that I let (an extremely small portion) of the fucked shit in my head out.

If for some reason you read through all of this, 
Thankyou

- F",6.455526315789473,5.594020692982458,6.5803508771929815,81.72578947368423,65.75438596491227,9.6,31.36842105263158,8.697196308434329,2.231668421052632,4450,141,921,57,60,1426,396,1140,0.174,0.695,0.131,-0.9973,2,1,2,0,0,2,135.0,1,9,5,6,58,76,29,2,57,5,67,40,20,19,8,195,198,63,4,31,48,6,13,18,1,9,1,3,3,3,55,29,4,0,48,11,1,20,34,34,0,1,24,26,112,42,147,153,35,129,0,1,9,15,59,65,27,38,54,578,167,13,0.02950056272449064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026150468893160275,0.0,0.0,0.03055368607835832,0.0,0.0,0.09818732571033313,0.0,0.0,0.040122788540108964,0.030933912218076683,0.0,0.0,0.17553978711012802,0.06188243813763681,0.030226812726453906,0.07282934853422728,0.026261755307297043,0.05515808772831598,0.0,0.027716749778800426,0.0,0.024631737635621476,0.017983269222525817,0.0,0.05020561211885658,0.03323703198756125,0.0,0.026090850392010787,0.0,0.032768474761099994,0.0,0.032932384422394094,0.030123372902350558,0.0,0.030077789807058764,0.0,0.0,0.07623636788642485,0.0,0.03187962803826398,0.0,0.07066139655860812,0.0,0.0,0.019025422436634017,0.0,0.05081758289401155,0.0,0.0,0.03082180917238435,0.0,0.0,0.025816141240985788,0.0301893180437635,0.0,0.028899320488474437,0.0,0.0,0.04928786945356637,0.09955248719358917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639390417164876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302640713901348,0.0,0.05562101010760533,0.0,0.17899645087480712,0.1686016632389381,0.02832516652152669,0.0,0.0808889396472859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02279206158163159,0.4090919230958542,0.0616513057308882,0.028299627885733505,0.1173609474594396,0.024743672368584404,0.0235942949384674,0.0,0.2599855661110103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138044133939732,0.0,0.0,0.034958308868192976,0.1186416320943145,0.031168964211710073,0.02959146974152468,0.029300715185924992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03330254449511368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263800178264962,0.0307202964086561,0.12970190213611016,0.048093792016232886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033264822013407,0.0,0.25942472669169164,0.0,0.0,0.026107069682603627,0.04954608556398655,0.0,0.0,0.02508032347825567,0.0,0.0,0.13784298285954896,0.0,0.0,0.032134761193281305,0.0,0.02971871332831746,0.0,0.031295435115414334,0.0,0.0,0.04709413542980586,0.0,0.08674523192300909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028306585568725263,0.0,0.061911756101117786,0.03141713650736985,0.0,0.06730952189473187,0.0,0.0,0.03275688374932445,0.0638924692435446,0.08448487553633144,0.061355927177720426,0.025758753481275945,0.0616436183447687,0.06476551803753783,0.08366270159758199,0.0,0.056506768762659275,0.030012677934549106,0.031806596176279164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901709199145722,0.0,0.056696447659168876,0.06066298358511989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692006308880346,0.0,0.08956843331118464,0.09403251616274988,0.05371240868145345,0.030775520755308167,0.0,0.3331009407243323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024995731063516456,0.022710974452406156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03144367468953828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033771086371747416,0.03226882748551081,0.0,0.1390196562150662,0.0,0.044361503556973464,0.0,0.05156958422228248,0.0,0.033736464474989965,0.0,0.019598863030706945,0.17012492472005256,0.17390491856564386,0.04684030311682487,0.05160604608567478,0.0,0.11185233621022897,0.0,0.03277621065338232,0.12017367373280198,0.0,0.0,0.030711126189417893,0.0,0.07643704308113743,0.06498140406583544,0.024341053796568025,0.17400196228129106,0.046832347105067035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026619669339849054,0.0,0.0,0.028437489736373188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669447342888767,0.0,0.0,0.05699218554189061
suicidewatch,bigrock8,2018/02/02,"I'm so alone. I've failed again. I don't want to end my life. But it's all I think. I don't know where else to go I'm not sure where else to go, and I need to vent. I hope someone is out there. That maybe a random stranger will care. I'm 26 years old and have been battling depression since 7th grade. A couple months back I actually considered taking my life, not just thinking but wanting to do it. I reached out to my parents and therapist. I never knew how much they cared about my life. I went away to a psychiatric hospital for a month and tried to get my life back together. Multiple health tests, counseling everyday, even ECT. I stopped all drugs and for the first time in a long time I wanted to try. After being back at work for a month now I feel like I've fallen. I hate my life. Started drinking again. Fighting with my girlfriend. And now I'm thinking about ending my life again. 

I don't want to go to my parents. I don't want to tell them how I've failed again. How miserable I feel. How I don't want to live anymore. To see their faces. I barely have any friends, none I can go to to talk about suicide. And now my girlfriend won't talk to me. She doesn't care about my feelings. 

I'm so alone. And so lost. I don't know where else to go. Asking for help makes me feel like shit. I could just use a hello. To know someone's out there. I need a hug. ",-0.2221664744329104,1.9780912422145358,1.4231862745098065,99.15739379084972,89.86505190311418,4.73360246059208,18.754421376393694,6.286939319323684,-0.2337244136870433,1055,31,250,11,36,340,138,289,0.184,0.71,0.106,-0.9654,2,2,2,0,3,4,39.0,0,0,3,5,29,18,4,1,9,0,17,12,2,6,4,51,60,17,1,10,6,2,4,2,3,2,8,0,0,0,3,12,1,1,11,1,0,7,12,9,0,1,4,5,39,9,35,52,4,42,0,5,1,1,16,9,1,2,28,146,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.08432175247556009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898527648146256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587604093139629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569352660326518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077982437963717,0.0,0.08118316902260757,0.1993272762837372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642961725188178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898976426375752,0.09560881867494192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442309171042101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464695314487436,0.1002058579465136,0.0,0.21654841216304435,0.0,0.1530636977933656,0.0,0.0,0.057071675144297285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174761942889987,0.12345979807748468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349860848530837,0.0,0.0,0.06675861356480305,0.0,0.04514461844876323,0.0,0.2455383145130449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531001998115674,0.0,0.0918476731606022,0.0,0.0,0.05791746716515388,0.0,0.0,0.08582264992851495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246274627756772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661951937249653,0.08442917731751322,0.0,0.07629985519310603,0.07646836904191777,0.0,0.0,0.0943245492919158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576780171112395,0.0,0.0868084592687977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691014569261146,0.0,0.06351982899612307,0.12814088790211875,0.06664318358105292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067067026538336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918917370397683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885599605099145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869657972895993,0.07147759812727274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642645158381362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116003365245795,0.0,0.0,0.07224096478704829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945163374791259,0.0,0.08143852607570047,0.0,0.06496806931015724,0.13890296943802266,0.07552440862935028,0.0,0.0,0.10032635857975684,0.0,0.1661002898816342,0.0,0.0,0.10077041008048368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733073255436133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462877667316548,0.0,0.0,0.30579409548846764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010109021466083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290605981316988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564392492795096
suicidewatch,ChuckieCoffee,2018/02/02,"Can anyone help me? Im 14, ive taken multiple tests online as i cannot get actual real-life therapy due to my anxiety of asking my parents, and theyve openly said that they dont believe in mental illness. I cant confirm it but i have multiple disorders that i have symptoms of, General Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, and a couple others that I do not think i have. 

I keep thinking about suicide, how, when,where, and why i should do it buti really really dont want to die. My friends are encouraging me but they're not helping at all..

I have problems everywhere, with school, home, and friends. Its a wonder how i can still put on a happy face. Im reaching out so please, if you can. Give me some advice.",2.721066536203523,5.002282417808222,5.126457925636012,76.88287671232878,77.56164383561644,8.554990215264189,28.236790606653614,9.23628265651192,2.9696160469667325,587,26,104,16,14,206,96,146,0.184,0.635,0.181,0.3465,1,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,16,4,1,2,1,24,26,11,2,4,5,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,0,7,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,1,19,4,11,23,3,8,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,3,2,70,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.13033411507483428,0.0,0.0,0.13051210596146298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30651633134080497,0.0,0.0,0.09338741288494327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248594415714034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047502277086186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778026321215965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150339919942055,0.0,0.1386129400631509,0.0,0.3061398936459692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130598194688602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637438305408365,0.0,0.06977895647526995,0.12812176346270449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217581778531027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790432861919942,0.0,0.13397035826922268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28853282870433994,0.0,0.0,0.11871319114043324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345958491486365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483012330922554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466074468549477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127797726602037,0.0,0.1342634753212106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201914523522975,0.17112236447051454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704499601352773,0.0,0.0,0.1351686280441137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361463691665115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666022395541028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609164116965825,0.0,0.0,0.13881872381738625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273611861559513,0.0,0.0,0.1711581623153992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877643601345244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051603619618224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483881287651254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VeganPowerViolence,2018/02/02,"nowhere left to turn I don't know when the first thought started, it may have been the night after my ex-finacee broke up with me and I got trashed. It was just in passing though, ""I should kill myself"". Nothing more, nothing less. As the months progressed though it seems that every time I try to fix something or do good, things just get worse.

The thoughts started coming more often. ""I should kill myself, it'd be better for everyone at this point"". I kept digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. Sometimes I'd see ropes or ladders to get myself out, but I was dumb and didn't take my chances.

Here I am today, and suicide is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thought I have before I fall into a drunken sleep. It quite literally has become a mantra during my panic attacks. I've always had panic attacks, and for whatever reason I always end up repeating a word or phrase over and over when they happen. It use to be ""I dont know what to do"". Now, it's become ""I should just kill myself"".

I feel like I have nowhere left to turn at this point. I feel like I've lost all my chances at getting better. I've lost all the important relationships with the people who cared about me through a series of ignorant decisions on my part.

I don't want to kill myself. I don't want my life to end this early. But I'm struggling to see any other way out for me.",3.16908109875736,4.679192651079138,3.9820667102681497,89.01988227599743,73.92805755395683,6.205624591236103,25.226291693917595,6.574015621080383,0.8280158273381297,1079,35,221,8,22,345,146,278,0.223,0.711,0.065,-0.9941,0,0,1,0,0,5,37.0,0,0,1,8,11,20,7,3,14,0,24,2,1,2,2,46,53,17,5,5,8,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,16,14,0,2,10,0,0,3,5,14,0,2,12,4,35,6,34,34,6,40,0,3,2,0,3,19,1,6,19,152,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515206328912737,0.0,0.0,0.06191665033117672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716345988443385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111361031425404,0.07747625335458523,0.0,0.0,0.16105142432463546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283083564127724,0.0,0.0,0.07843091510990141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670910859667168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612853205979406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671296727575032,0.08700151376789242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207452973396107,0.13009128487647972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489298643573332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270851347672214,0.0,0.0,0.07636783811390987,0.0728204475646234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051460064953052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029302682916966,0.0,0.10007663492558716,0.07421733662386526,0.0,0.0,0.1978506748709735,0.0,0.06431081751455851,0.08896418372080986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878214615382556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193384387605358,0.0,0.07267468743209271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854436058835215,0.0,0.17472852954636992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136534859733971,0.0,0.0985975257675166,0.0,0.06312212464180073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214204791709115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684214447015713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361385086510192,0.0,0.09775288045154693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510901746496346,0.08288786865973354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111506077498674,0.0,0.0,0.07009420406780634,0.09005009181317275,0.0,0.12889033490794274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518450361251826,0.0,0.09959316292386547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845774692745019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097822642091095,0.0,0.17891096183302138,0.2168489361045963,0.053091582559823734,0.0,0.08630409602426846,0.0,0.0,0.06181650217796328,0.19807099904298134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863736695955686,0.0,0.0,0.10740647943489164,0.07227070115014636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278702142992863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,t2219614,2018/02/02,"Nobody cares until someone's dead. ""If only I knew, I would've talked to them"" 
  
""The world loves you ""  
  
""You have worth""  
  
""You're irreplacable""  
  
All bullshit.  Funny how this only comes around after a suicide,  but quickly fades away.",5.736747967479673,7.418020073170737,5.569268292682928,79.47552845528456,67.78048780487805,6.442276422764228,25.861788617886177,6.42735559955562,1.071042276422764,177,5,30,1,3,55,37,41,0.179,0.643,0.17800000000000002,-0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,5,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,5,4,1,8,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865680367191621,0.0,0.0,0.30244492325081385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32820857071444504,0.0,0.0,0.27729685260530673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29053622948824426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896539299874147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27275319160565753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521171540724376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587389629942506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867553844618976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gothicapples,2018/02/02,"The only think keeping me from committing suicide is I don’t want to disappoint my family I have been chronically suicidal since I was 15 
I have spent almost 5 years out of 9 in hospitals (broken up of course) 
Last year alone I spend 35 weeks in total in a psychiatric hospital 

I have attempted suicide more times than I can count  but I have a wife who knows I’m suicidal and checks on me religiously 

Every time I end up having a break down and get hospitalized my family seems so furious with me saying stuff like “you need to get your shit together “ “ why are you doing this I wasn’t a bad parent” 
I just know if I actually succeeded my family would never forgive me 

Is this keeping anyone from actually going through with it  ",4.974366197183095,6.214692352112678,6.733915492957749,72.07552112676058,69.14084507042253,11.032112676056338,29.69295774647888,11.00357731598739,3.6567752112676057,582,22,106,19,10,202,99,142,0.238,0.701,0.061,-0.9835,1,1,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,3,0,2,2,7,2,0,5,0,15,2,1,0,3,22,28,5,4,4,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,5,0,3,1,3,4,0,0,4,1,22,3,18,23,2,18,0,1,0,0,8,8,1,3,9,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.2617484468952255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429405962230634,0.13889985905390825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377441304666083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119781383190968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878365901214467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299536638437127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792873196004326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013624501063632,0.0,0.07621909008080538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384102841312359,0.0,0.0,0.14740918558505967,0.10931939464342466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552047777323515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994425442055306,0.1034356455266386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199841987626776,0.0,0.0,0.14891579772593175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665145496882482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220907679709438,0.0,0.0,0.13766431144622382,0.11093905041310304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153526455862085,0.5867881967599455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593372336508652,0.0,0.0,0.15640387893507413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910288786102958,0.0,0.10757676841559036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101545816384016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526950426586213,0.0,0.0,0.17272780156303244
suicidewatch,Frosty_10,2018/02/02,Does anyone has tips how to talk someone out of wanting to commit suicide? Please. Thank you!,1.9056862745098044,4.572556823529414,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,98.41176470588236,2.266666666666667,23.31372549019608,3.1291,0.05305490196078422,74,3,12,0,3,22,16,17,0.182,0.524,0.294,0.2003,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804618437696009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510095653645399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402926859741908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398548456438029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387436141126396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223928923170288,0.0,0.3692834642988544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365820382790904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousTombstone,2018/02/02,"Pain. Every time Every time I breathe is the last time. Every time I smile or talk or hug is the last time. Every time I laugh, every time I pretend to be ok. It is always the last time. ",-0.8272499999999994,1.2272607750000049,1.3949999999999996,99.31,91.25,3.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.58665,141,2,33,0,5,47,19,40,0.102,0.6509999999999999,0.247,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,4,3,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,3,0,11,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201523050646892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6083158227795592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35311563452291866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365170093159114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606318977679335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6736060590425322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onionperson,2018/02/02,"I've never felt this hopeless Okay, so I'm a 22 year old f. I've been dealing with chronic anxiety, depression and moderate body dysmorphia all throughout my adoloscence. I physically loathe my body and my face, and I cannot look into a mirror or object that shows a reflection. I'm really overweight (I should weigh 120, but I am 250) and even if people don't bring it up (unless its my family), I still feel physically revolted by my self. Even when I'm not glancing into a mirror for a split second, I can feel my heaviness, and I feel so disgusted with myself. I have tried every diet possible, from the healthy to the dangerous ones. I suffer from an extremely slow metabolism rate, and its awful because no matter how hard I workout at my local gym, I just keep getting fatter and feel worse.

Nothing works for me. My boyfriend is supportive of me losing weight, though he doesn't agree with some of my methods (such as my daily doses of laxatives). He tells me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me just the way I am, but all I hear are pitiful words. I've seen his instagram, where he likes pictures of really attractive girls in cosplay or very thin and curvy anime girls. It hurts me alot, because I feel that even he can't look at me, so he needs to find something better to look at. I don't blame him though, because I would never want to be around myself either. My parents constantly harass me with things such as ""You really need to stop messing around and lose weight. Because if you don't, your bf is just going to move on to someone better and then it will be all your fault."" I've been in similar spots like this, where I feel upset ans hopeless, but something seems very different this time. I truly feel despair, and the more I think about suicide, the more at peace I feel. I know none of my friends would miss me. They only care to check up on me when they have issues they need to vent to me about, but dissapear the moment I need help. My parents have other siblings that they are super proud of, so they wouldn't need my embarassing, overweight self to be around them. No matter how hard I try, I can't lose weight. I feel horrid and ugly. My face, even worse, cannot be changed. I try so hard to take photos of myself and photos with my boyfriend, but I always delete them because I look so revolting. I hate thinking about this, and I hate crying all the time as I think about how much I hate myself. So much that, its painfully obvious to others, and thwy all slowly back away while trying to force feed me lies and polite compliments about me.

I've never attempted suicide before, so I don't even know what to do. I wish I knew what to do. I just want this all to be over so badly. Im tired of living, especially in this disgusting body.",5.324958597698675,5.718297833638028,5.871249059038607,81.62353989676309,67.92138939670932,8.921582965910314,28.519679535433927,8.841846274778883,2.0654648241746427,2173,68,429,34,34,704,252,547,0.251,0.635,0.114,-0.9983,3,0,3,0,0,4,71.0,0,4,7,9,39,36,7,1,15,2,33,18,5,3,10,94,80,48,2,14,16,2,17,2,2,5,6,1,0,4,23,27,8,2,19,3,1,3,17,23,0,2,5,24,81,13,62,65,14,43,0,11,6,1,32,22,0,7,19,294,104,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055449201959940415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097885083848604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796920692018842,0.0,0.0,0.06260977758745903,0.051241476878717086,0.055640997853885085,0.2031133692268136,0.0,0.05670510131040143,0.0,0.0,0.11787401864564245,0.0,0.22206358245965266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679431659617845,0.0,0.07049550011423793,0.0,0.0,0.0720133650942465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320009702109047,0.0,0.06870215004797979,0.057396296245382276,0.0,0.0,0.06962384235261541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200730108437319,0.0,0.0561464499487892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282156277015137,0.0,0.30325330533852857,0.0,0.06398413920080065,0.0,0.06090707557728117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051485326301754564,0.0,0.0348162624639678,0.0,0.037872626668663964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908706070114233,0.19737741608169426,0.0,0.0,0.07510728823880612,0.0,0.044666890702793775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133870516979562,0.0,0.07198183521991758,0.0695540731137167,0.0,0.059232035408057625,0.0,0.0,0.07324638810665494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511315186857998,0.0,0.05884368670389532,0.0,0.2238407765879589,0.22365685592868484,0.0,0.0,0.06014453313958538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082698630485333,0.09797504615108604,0.2470608313275193,0.1541889144744268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394216641064505,0.0,0.06992669253205197,0.0,0.045156486627355386,0.05068215945207599,0.07090887013659145,0.0,0.14799002208925072,0.0,0.0,0.0461992716188729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751257519418669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807244739261084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066587872082833,0.13903856152007066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646322801238775,0.1026043147632842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053218198426530486,0.05571340454523288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578506700819646,0.07562144155527753,0.0,0.0,0.05010442951127996,0.0,0.058245649728100674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044272162685474264,0.12809923943478452,0.1309454675079796,0.0,0.07771577580051303,0.07659202534447415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097473054683294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996873562809624,0.07861112320280554,0.0528951420990501,0.0,0.2434459947159304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766318592573539,0.0,0.0,0.04851417431991565,0.0,0.13582219641918453,0.09467723543129336,0.0,0.0,0.042913498028909265
suicidewatch,dizzy_hogan,2018/02/02,"Me and the girl I have a crush on and the only person I ever told I had suicidal thoughts to had a fight and I don't know what to do. Basically I told her about my suicidal thoughts and today when I sw her I told her I fell and hit my head and showed her the giant bump on my head. Later I told her the truth that I didn't fall and the knot on my head was actually from me punching myself in the head. 

Later on we were talking about how her date hasn't shown up yet and then we had this conversation. 




""If he stands me up i will be so angry. I will get on POF and find some sorry soul and meet up with him and make him give me head and then leave him hanging. I have already thought this through.""





I said ""I'm on POF LOL""





And then she went on to telling me why we couldn't do that, and then she just left the conversation and I tried to get her to talk and then when she finally came back she said this






""I told you what I was looking for. I'm sorry you don't fit that bill. 99% of all men don't. It's unfortunate  that you developed a crush on me because when it comes to men I'm a stuck up bitch that's why I have been single for 2 years. Most beautiful  woman never are single. It's unfortunate  for me because  you wanna fuck me and make me yours just like every other guy in the world. I couldn't  just have a friendship with you. I was friends with you because you made me feel  appreciated.  And I was benefiting  from being friends with you. But when someone  starts to dragging  me down and comes at me in  emotionally  abusive  manners, I have no need or want for relationships  like that.""






And now I don't know what to do.

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suicidewatch,Myste_shitpost,2018/02/02,"Please please please please please please please please tell me She stole everything. My friends, my reputation, hell, even my parents. To all of you; please tell me your stories if you want to. I just want to know I’m gonna be okay. I just don’t wanna think about it. Please please please please please please please please please",3.7921505376344085,6.372695741935487,1.7625806451612895,100.83053763440859,75.45161290322581,5.423655913978496,18.397849462365595,6.42735559955562,-0.4833956989247308,264,5,57,2,6,70,34,62,0.053,0.388,0.5589999999999999,0.9866,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,11,2,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,1,0,25,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03308098435663977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501359606191988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869591431168777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027525667616475364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561399358903616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.989618615508279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755382680095218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032092750489128984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908342251873089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsover530000,2018/02/02,"Its hard to keep my will to live I'm not good at much. Im not popular. Im not strong. I dont have much of a future. I'm not really smart at science or maths. Im ok at english. But the 3 main things care about (TV, Movies and Video games) I have the willingness to learn when they comes to those 3 
so I quess its something. 

I would have more friends but I'm annoying and socially awkward. For example I called a guy hot and it was meant to be a compliment but he thought i was hitting on him. To make things worse I really liked him but as a friend 

I have come out as Bisexual, I have been diagnosed with multiple learning mental illnesses and I have no clue where i am going in life. Its hard to keep my will to live. I feel like I should end it so I don't have to keep going no where. 

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suicidewatch,hop_along_my_queen,2018/02/02,"I don't know how to live I just don't find any joy in anything. I hate myself, and I don't like anything. I just live idle but it's no use. I can't keep a job. I don't have any friends. I'm a failure and I don't understand why my parents made me be here. I just wish I could win enough money to shut myself in and wither away in peace. I can't handle life. I can't handle people. I can't handle work. Or anything. I just want this to be over",-2.5405501618122983,-0.8145861553398035,0.6064466019417479,102.9449449838188,99.87378640776699,3.1350161812297737,13.662783171521035,4.604124745555138,-1.4831069255663432,338,7,89,1,15,118,56,103,0.17,0.677,0.153,0.1098,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,2,0,13,1,0,3,0,19,22,6,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,0,18,4,8,18,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,56,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26507599127654824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481155783512825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831140154985753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561098334457438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013827550365996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781341447132874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057847514630196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242240120810145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340717280619327,0.17323517616034084,0.0,0.0,0.1071113871011677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766291951595647,0.09521780111556002,0.0,0.3441987553473977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844181355004002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164122621313512,0.0,0.0,0.13511841864353946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289672064395856,0.0,0.16833014937571855,0.0,0.0,0.11495647315158553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586602263849693,0.0,0.2241242183640416,0.0,0.0,0.1418887849570806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MajorDepressedThrow,2018/02/02,"How can you broach the subject of hospitalization for suicidal ideation? Crosspost from r/depression because of course I can't do anything right.

I think I need to be committed. My suicidal thoughts have been getting progressively worse over the last few months. Meds aren't touching it, I tried weed and it just made me cry and sit on my parent's 17th story balcony seriously considering throwing myself off. But my parents, mom specifically, are insanely judgmental about ""that level"" of treatment. They support me going to my therapist, my psychiatrist, going on meds, all that kind of stuff. But for whatever reason they're really opposed to me being hospitalized for more intense treatment. They think I'm just not doing enough with the treatment I already have, which (surprise surprise) is making it harder on me. I know I'm a failure already, I know I'm a worthless sack of shit who doesn't appreciate the opportunities I've been given, I want to get better but at the same time I don't know how. I want to get help but I don't know how to ask for more that I'm getting. I don't know if I even deserve it. I'm pretty sure they'd get over it anyway you know? I have a brother who's more successful than me (in any way you can measure that term, he's married, has a great career, friends, and he isn't a total soul sucking fuckup of a human being like his sister) and they'll be able to focus on him and his family and spend their money on whatever they want instead of having to support me while I try to not be such a giant piece of human trash.

TL;DR, how do you convince people to help you when they feel like they're already giving you more than enough?",6.372426900584795,6.527974104938274,6.975958414554906,75.42102339181288,65.66666666666667,9.413645224171539,33.410656270305395,9.134995656068208,2.8995024691358027,1326,53,243,21,19,437,171,324,0.062,0.765,0.172,0.9899,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,6,7,4,12,18,2,0,12,0,28,1,1,7,4,43,62,17,2,5,9,5,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,13,7,0,1,11,0,2,3,9,4,0,0,5,2,43,14,37,50,12,24,1,1,0,0,32,13,2,1,8,167,56,2,0.10486751252539063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471717233029823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131350457749826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629702751724923,0.0,0.0980369681376246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392626229041734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274679286069536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519203831011253,0.0,0.0,0.09032223487424756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671234658364666,0.0,0.06926400299395483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885975783932932,0.0,0.053024165249033126,0.07491737190165883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102038004200456,0.0,0.273944735237768,0.10059847364563426,0.11919724808190794,0.0,0.0,0.11561680277408436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058096626695368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092033768475879,0.34579465416944083,0.08548101918864184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246593911448756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922817594190032,0.06999987892027837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329683314545609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281956323679045,0.08370424800333838,0.0,0.0,0.07775793176615077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328859248520899,0.0,0.0,0.07270192913388054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668796078960847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718081380989095,0.107821268535649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955628271032988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076449946206652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004821250901812,0.2294160760335057,0.23800482095513195,0.09883638949914757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175926470480028,0.0,0.13438973532340595,0.0,0.08325309113034107,0.0611490898757517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239631464085808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556072773311028,0.08323895026173361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686895434561032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avaaa86,2018/02/02,"numb I feel empty. I don’t even know what to type I just need help and I don’t know what to do. I’m alone and I’m scared of my own thoughts, I don’t wanna cut anymore but it’s the only thing that calms me down. I’m sitting on the couch right now holding my dog to my chest, I don’t wanna leave him but I don’t think I can handle this feeling anymore I just want this all to be over. ",-2.4777948717948703,-0.7363455999999964,0.22111111111111006,105.80807692307691,99.44444444444444,2.7692307692307696,13.589743589743593,3.1291,-1.7594615384615384,296,6,80,0,13,100,54,90,0.118,0.779,0.103,0.1993,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,18,19,4,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,14,1,10,17,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,51,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27745435238858657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.531351905475097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693952238057747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709075441282704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956173446433513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944518475483716,0.0,0.0,0.2836579582025397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986378308109777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374322712916196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287775064102017,0.0,0.0,0.2682056907801977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797492046594934,0.17165377795917325,0.0,0.2126755824752852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800909139174107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClumsyMarionette,2018/02/02,"I can't sleep (but I'm still so tired) My joints are killing me. I'm 21 and i feel like a decrepit old man. My body is in pain. My mind feels totally out my control. Im pushing my friends away. Therapy is not working. Medication only marginally helps. I dont feel like there are any meaningful experiences i can have. I still feel so dependent on my parents. I feel like a burden. I cant remember what I did this week, everyday feels the same--that terrifies me. Ive been in an institution, but that didnt help much. I force myself to excercise, socialize. Its agony, doesnt make me feel better. I dont know what to say in therapy. I dont know why im writing this. ",-0.18711670480549009,2.1111148115942058,2.462921434019833,90.34115560640734,92.91304347826087,6.6733790999237215,23.20518688024409,7.85451343220497,1.5286028985507247,516,22,114,13,19,178,84,138,0.121,0.767,0.112,-0.4996,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,1,0,4,0,16,5,2,3,1,22,28,5,1,0,3,1,7,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,11,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,3,8,22,5,8,25,2,12,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,8,66,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197806127544438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326059301443013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661658423997986,0.0,0.13390375542731475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520695590054674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238507314137394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792092735755515,0.0,0.0,0.4266755371976576,0.2583626035798827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313654852602736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616041047915332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042914245738746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337059598295048,0.0,0.13250213741034828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766837659670398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046798986248305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144133500694908,0.0,0.0,0.12172102732055252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861804222341524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264968343427612,0.0,0.0,0.09168362604028532,0.1282735858697929,0.0,0.1338563903907281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365595293107501,0.0,0.0,0.09586611366995484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063695299044043,0.12288543501250528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254260101878368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757186180300387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385543687417444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669785294715356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877752836609236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776175806412226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Just_One1,2018/02/02,"I will NOT end it! The feelings may be terrible, and the thoughts may make death seem like the answer, but I have decided I will not give in.  I may hate going to therapy, and feel anxious about it, but I wont end my life.  I might not conform to what others do, but I will not end it.  There is stuff Iove, my family, my fellow gamers, my amazing loving Dog. I keep a lot of how I feel to myself, but that is ok.  I have to stop being fake, I can make this work.  I don't hate life, I see that now.  I hate the feelings I face and the circumstances of everything at the moment.  I will live, I will be the person I want to be.  I wish you the best everybody, and remember, fuck other peoples bullshit.  It is your life not theirs",1.3659564777327944,2.8284319013157924,3.33184210526316,92.00020242914984,78.67105263157895,6.7821862348178135,21.56072874493927,7.61054688173877,0.646138056680162,547,15,127,8,13,185,84,152,0.221,0.634,0.145,-0.9376,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,2,1,2,4,11,4,0,9,1,22,6,1,3,0,34,41,9,1,2,9,0,4,1,1,10,3,0,0,1,11,4,0,2,9,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,1,5,27,5,10,26,2,9,0,0,1,2,7,2,1,6,7,97,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482651158657505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531140151275521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876747307259808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112633997164816,0.0,0.13754240338810975,0.0,0.2950875577847676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348830503687043,0.0,0.13996145797649692,0.08291885564336318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432140860324315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129683442250576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091624057328191,0.07127982021831115,0.0,0.12883318619568332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403974549461982,0.13168127747698902,0.0,0.19477999529837986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477782055821254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114932792246667,0.12739505648107932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652773017106164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626414411240113,0.13282271874457233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197970289472475,0.0,0.0,0.16702164795681956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668504184562886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582903391455565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605614331748197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777885862087769,0.0,0.0,0.10621760809683904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jamulan,2018/02/02,"Awful but interesting. and a question Today was horrible.  In most of my classes i just ignored what was going on and made drawings that would concern people I know like slit writs and hanged heads.  and felt no desire to do anything despite knowing that I have 4 Tests tomorrow.  At swim practice I couldn't convince myself to get in the water and when mocked for just standing there(its not there fault they can't possibly understand my current state of mine) my only thought was to run back to the locker room and breathe just hunched against a wall. finally I got started swimming but left early cause i don't know a very severe and unnatural loss of motivation.  I did more drawings as I waited for when I normally get ride as to not cause my parents to suspect anything.  about this time was when I started to text a friend about there motivation and how they deal with stress(this person is crazy to me because of the number and intensity of extracurricular as well as the difficulty of classes and still 4.8 GPA)  they pretty quickly started to ask if i was alright or overwhelmed with stress.  They were great in helping me focus and complete a study guide and study for a test tomorrow.

For the past few days I have considered suicide with increasing intensity.  I'm scared that much more of this will result in me actually trying.  right now I feel like there is some weird part of me that is stoping me but I'm terrified of it fading.  a few days ago i was able to quickly dismiss the idea of suicide quickly.  today I thought of several ways to go about it and really seriously considered it.  I feel like anyone I tell will think I'm kidding.  I also feel like I can't trust anyone to tell.

But the friend I mentioned earlier in our conversation seemed to really care it was kind of weird especially because I knew they were busy at that time.

should I tell them and seek help?  were do I start?  I've decided that if I tell anyone they need to be the only one to know and only people I tell directly should know.  I also feel a weird urge to tell someone,  as in the whole story.  but I have know idea where to start or how to tell them.  On my own I will probably never start the conversation and just hide it.  but I think this person really cares and wants to help which seems different from the rest of the world.  how can I know I can trust them?

please help
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suicidewatch,UnwantedGuestVT,2018/02/02,"I am a 40-year-old failure who needs to be euthanized There is no fact-based argument anyone can make to debunk the reality that suicide is in my best interest and the best interests of those around me.

I have done my best and worked as hard as I can for 20-plus years. The result? I am a broke, washed-up joke who is six-figures in grad student loan debt, has been turned down for over 250 jobs in the past year, will never own a home, will never raise a family, and will always burden his loved ones with his failure.

This miserable, pathetic existence is the best I could do in this world. Therefore, I should be removed from it.

Spare me your lame ""suicide is bad"" and ""people love you"" bullshit. Feelings don't trump facts.

Some people have no value. Those people should be killed. I am one of those people. I should be killed. No one is going to do it for me, so I am going to do it myself.",3.3173113964687,4.829951758426969,4.218009630818621,87.46707865168541,73.5505617977528,7.108186195826645,23.950240770465488,7.7094869923839395,1.0594802568218291,695,20,143,9,14,224,106,178,0.267,0.58,0.153,-0.9744,2,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,2,0,5,3,16,2,1,9,0,32,2,0,3,3,19,40,7,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,1,1,2,3,6,7,0,3,2,2,19,9,20,27,6,16,0,3,0,2,8,8,0,1,5,111,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049974468126978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823267782599079,0.0,0.0,0.11233292020686204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536062749810964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297006454026184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074981569768407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913280986847736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895759474437376,0.0,0.06380378931945782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342962436765347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303850170464973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126575553323918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522083336293952,0.0,0.2792137849935021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277768550739641,0.0,0.08423060515975664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356584253657303,0.19464593146392967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241171956318432,0.0,0.2565221302731879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045948784025612,0.3499278902583649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27605554774868285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725489915341474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186542380713404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437803016583967
suicidewatch,jmcab819,2018/02/02,"How do you approach such person? How do you approach someone with possibly depression/suicidal who is agnostic/atheist. Even though they have friends but feels like no one to talk to about the shit that goes in their minds. 

And tired of hearing phrases like. “Pray and talk to (god)” ",4.449411764705887,7.239001392156869,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,74.29411764705883,7.217254901960787,31.768627450980397,8.238735603445708,2.580832156862745,225,11,40,4,5,66,42,51,0.101,0.64,0.259,0.8847,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,2,0,8,6,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,3,7,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,1,1,0,2,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844680457447225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895228134891287,0.1821955324333938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703776180357552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287440578369337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491923549822015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575104957960861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281687220585756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268486396557646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875112401867328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617875749091467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608852212687032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789645649647983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099715189467055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250568498729859,0.0,0.0,0.29312276584257785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mhhhelina,2018/02/02,"The end is neigh, just another post of thousands here My name's Jay and I'm getting closer to the end here. I'm going to try at the very least enjoying myself these next few days and then I'm ending it. Feburary 5th is my set date. Any person or vehicle will be completely ignored as I will have earbuds in so I don't lose focus.

 I will continue to post here for the next few days and then on the 5th I'm jumping off a bridge into the water. I will delete Reddit on the 5th, and on the 4th I will smash my hard drives, clean my room and car one last time, and say good bye to my family even though they're part of the reason Im jumping. I haven't wrote my will yet or a good bye letter, not sure If I will to be honest.

I see a lot of posts on this subreddit and I know many don't go through with it, although I am very serious. I will do it. My life is ruined. I guess posting here is somewhat of a closure for me, it gives me a purpose I suppose and even getting some interaction with people before my death, even though it's text on a screen makes me even a little happy. You all will probably forget about me anyways. Can't really blame you either. 
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suicidewatch,shaychan,2018/02/02,"my parents.. :( so i attempted suicide last summer and luckily survived. however my parents think that suicide and depression have to be CAUSED by something. depression can just be a mental illness and they think i tried for attention and they think nothing of it. yet i still feel upset. things that 'trigger' my thoughts are all of my insecurities. i have a lot of negative thoughts ab myself but they're usually onset by things like fights, arguments, being left out, you get the point. i want to tell them that i'm having these thoughts again but i dont think they'll believe me. idk what to do. ",2.9946361746361774,5.895543612612612,3.6859459459459463,83.84413721413722,81.34234234234233,7.018988218988218,29.259182259182268,8.139509932561175,2.508756895356896,475,23,84,10,13,150,75,111,0.238,0.688,0.07400000000000001,-0.9519,3,0,1,0,1,2,15.0,0,1,4,2,5,6,1,2,3,0,11,1,0,2,1,22,22,7,2,1,3,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,17,1,10,15,2,9,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,1,7,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688131645831032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127867314809038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704417459683533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399875267729726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938215793944871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202420212441343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279731181846667,0.0,0.0,0.17057717879650652,0.0,0.0,0.0767005696742063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347282740812613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582155666026261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064239555775424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486521132705675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841245755213922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086359157147501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537762400408456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434574235352513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372218787444494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860302419632012,0.40238812416110026,0.0,0.37391310158399305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659033183952056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729094869357758,0.0,0.09260061538034554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FannedScarletFlames,2018/02/02,"I need to get better. I need this venom out of my system. My name is Kirann. I live with my parents, twin sister, and older brother. I am 16 years old and am a junior.

I feel useless. I shouldnt be but I do. I just feel like dead weight to everyone my family my friends and my girlfriend. I'm not really popular at my school, not like my sister.

Sometimes, I just have that impulse to end it. Just a few steps onto the road, off the cliff I walk past, cut deeper and let it bleed out.

But I dont want to hurt her. Brooke doesn't deserve it. She doesnt deserve to be hurt no one around me does. Especially because of my stupid decisions and thoughts. She's my Brooke. Shes been there for me ever since we got together. She knows that I cant stop cutting but she makes sure she's there so that I'm okay and do it as safely as is possible.

I've already seen how much my self loathing hurts her. I've seen her breakdown and start crying because of what I do to myself. And I dont want to do this to her anymore.",0.30944792719919434,2.3382494372093032,2.3254196157735088,95.0399797775531,84.86046511627906,5.227502527805863,20.045500505561172,6.498293943080001,0.07297977755308427,779,23,179,8,23,260,120,215,0.158,0.698,0.14400000000000002,-0.6629,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,9,15,3,0,4,1,20,2,0,2,2,38,36,15,1,5,8,4,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,10,13,1,2,5,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,5,5,39,8,21,27,2,18,0,4,2,0,19,7,0,0,10,118,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463667611825374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897106919832727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247451967726357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708436036760985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393338632671053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392596277793685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262849841275088,0.0,0.3284620731731652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411337577617655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675539165678276,0.0,0.13389999203075031,0.0,0.0,0.13210186770413782,0.0,0.14170763546142295,0.10010872945672357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826390595698897,0.0,0.07321201662549043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207457119185422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500354230443856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701165208889588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143292174989225,0.0,0.13692064626621284,0.0,0.12373714650529348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353770377893343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030114980767962,0.20780888482073406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704261209888386,0.0,0.09495555282914518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555975166607553,0.0,0.1337697131534709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797525095815854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977071330271767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181879958490884,0.0,0.0,0.14618590217899588,0.0,0.0,0.11591678659070333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385919170133108,0.0,0.09918456627695728,0.0,0.0,0.11715475502431102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207064163752966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124737780902758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530432767815195,0.0,0.0,0.17064029805992134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023897192876357
suicidewatch,zoeyisnthome56,2018/02/02,"Life sucks. Everything sucks. I feel so empty and sad I feel like I was born just to be a disappointment. I don’t get the point in hurting for so long that you go completely numb then maybe getting a few moments of happiness then it all goes away again. How am I supposed to be happy when everything that used to make me happy doesn’t, I’ve tried instruments, I’ve tried painting and drawing, I’ve tried all sorts of hobbies but nothing makes me feel happy. I sick of searching for happiness I’m just done. I envy people who are happy, sometimes when I see someone I know having a good time or something i purposely say something mean to try to bring them down. I hate I’ve become like this I’m bitter and sad and I’ve lost so many friends but it’s all my fault so I have no reason to complain about it. Life is just terrible, or life is just terrible to me. I’m filling up the bath tub right now and I’m ready to just end it fucking all. I’m sorry India if you ever read this, which I doubt but just Incase, I love you and please don’t do anything to yourself when I’m gone I love you so much I know you deserve to be happy I just wasn’t made to be.",0.5579857316332735,2.7336574549180352,2.44264116575592,93.64601396478443,85.10655737704917,5.254159077109897,21.33211900425016,6.605766666666668,0.3567712811171826,905,30,199,10,27,300,128,244,0.206,0.594,0.2,0.6634,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,1,1,20,29,5,1,5,0,17,8,0,6,5,38,46,23,0,1,13,0,3,2,1,0,5,1,1,0,10,6,0,0,7,2,0,4,5,16,0,0,6,6,27,13,21,36,6,23,0,5,1,3,12,6,3,5,15,120,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725904138041803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820768939398098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368818478247473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843623606740412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960765605733894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831539053907316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492401225635204,0.0,0.0,0.16875488244203904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241265180257814,0.0670711900790036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253502321469013,0.08679481679011215,0.09810167624349256,0.0,0.05335679215689877,0.07874596351206749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6995934537714108,0.0,0.09269162358760168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050542566767644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319306185551667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894044722906368,0.09173456442108902,0.0,0.0,0.08308493282684551,0.0,0.0,0.10248615133330892,0.0,0.16946906704824952,0.08883589587910577,0.12533742349457058,0.09518426719182996,0.09431971804180024,0.1022678725575084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901599695977041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008482334967076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508777315960255,0.0,0.0,0.10305711788156603,0.08875131049246497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391002482008493,0.0,0.0,0.0965290240827799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017695105907095,0.0,0.07466081673199508,0.0,0.0,0.07481388550978682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954813242613779,0.14455393192348406,0.09285428813110316,0.10509614375004524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054744875936095186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549659723345187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108616640483933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cheesetime123,2018/02/02,"Thoughts on losing someone Think about how many times a day you verbalize your true inner most feelings to all the people around you. Probably not that often if you're like me. Nobody just goes around saying ""the world would suck with you gone!"" but it sure might be nice to hear. I'm not telling you to be an optimist. I'm not saying you should be a pessimist either. Just know there are more people thinking about you than you think there are. Nature decided you were lit enough to keep around for a bit, so just accept that fact and turn it in to something useful or cool.",4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,4.303928571428571,89.14107142857144,69.71428571428571,7.028571428571429,23.82142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.7738357142857146,456,11,91,4,8,137,79,112,0.055,0.743,0.202,0.9628,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,9,0,1,13,8,1,0,6,1,9,0,0,2,4,35,23,6,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,4,5,0,1,8,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,6,10,6,15,14,6,10,0,1,1,0,13,7,1,5,3,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473992260808168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937653722658264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446179546453628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833872923001809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897406930873159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003614092323085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577549670596968,0.0,0.0,0.09753996687268354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670918580980867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855798019115686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993981575410375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882813222720732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608860803813726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135659763024265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822830705778493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038069540940793,0.13663501671143616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727554416451934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512788799044372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411716507492771,0.0,0.14090160711836033,0.10349171328460643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305044278774125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328825102669652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607876847277014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,visionsofluna,2018/02/02,"I didn’t know how much I hurt her To have such a huge realization dumped on you can be jarring. For it to relate to someone you love can amplify it.

To find out that you have been the source of your girlfriends problems and depression for so long and she has been too nice to mention it, that can drive a man over the edge.

The way she talks about me, I wonder why she’s stuck around. How can you possibly love someone like me? I’m ashamed of what I’ve done and I want to free her from the trap that is me. For some reason far beyond me, she won’t leave. I’m a pit of depression that she has fallen into, and I want to free her.

She’s somewhere else, asleep. She’d find out about me in the morning, and she’d mourn me for a while, but eventually she’d find someone who doesn’t hurt her the way I unknowingly have. She’d find someone she deserves and who deserves her, and she’d forget about me, and rightly. I am someone that should be forgotten. ",3.268246753246757,4.1120630252525245,4.10955266955267,90.78909090909092,72.78787878787878,7.273304473304473,25.75901875901876,7.447530270364453,0.9870594516594516,741,23,169,8,14,238,98,198,0.151,0.763,0.086,-0.8945,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,5,0,0,10,14,1,1,10,0,25,3,1,3,0,29,34,13,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,7,0,2,2,3,8,0,0,5,0,36,8,26,20,2,17,0,5,0,2,30,11,0,3,3,120,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672231865828672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258625150753189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134178662452217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953179513382892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793558531008532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807278592155329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205871510952679,0.0,0.0,0.1388344353676303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405735738872642,0.0,0.0,0.11603480693007012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667721458648175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638640376592714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781521100222314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254616807208518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481056422030824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197357595232947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554769001830459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538723031950104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467292456967455,0.20814983912344376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831309411373388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421912688140931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slyarcticwolf,2018/02/02,"Sad and lonely I don't know what to do, every day only gets worse and I have no one to talk to. It feels like suicide is the only escape in this hell.",0.16754901960784352,1.4762849705882353,2.712352941176473,95.8022549019608,81.64705882352942,4.533333333333334,14.274509803921573,3.1291,-1.2915372549019613,115,1,28,0,3,40,28,34,0.424,0.487,0.08900000000000001,-0.9501,0,2,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,4,7,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305672941564955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914093373387948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748816311530971,0.2470887026383542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807021455941082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008041862031208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897399973969673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343696147597585,0.5260975365067442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783242734803261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779961983212992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524698025477543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BadMidget12,2018/02/02,"I don't know how to do anything I literally don't know how to do anything in life. I'm not sure what I should be doing at any moment in time, its like im paralyzed in space and time (can someone tell me if that makes sense), and not sure what my next move should be so I sit around with the same depressive thought patterns. I'm aware of the fact that I have no talents, interests or hobbies and I wasted my life playing sports video games, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I have nothing to say to anybody and my head is filled with nothing but garbage. I don't know how to do anything and suicide seems like my only option. ",2.773511450381683,3.978845167938936,3.7510610687022883,91.50185877862594,74.41984732824427,6.461374045801527,27.603816793893127,6.742157984588678,1.066465038167939,491,19,109,4,10,158,74,131,0.131,0.794,0.076,-0.805,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,15,3,1,5,4,33,24,14,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,1,13,8,14,19,1,14,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,4,7,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168841226538773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054650536554305,0.14620787140166008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145913968375098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168556989744911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740671696888946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27078500855383536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201426631677474,0.16047813270125055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963106331254632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456047174617886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467044678942567,0.0,0.0,0.31518423458178474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491145147683926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060974923369698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951736563833734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915949601090227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796512275770461,0.0,0.4643810235916954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355245965058433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303877241712137,0.19153860969696831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleasehelpdotcom,2018/02/02,Is anyone out there right now? I could use some help. Subject explains it all.  I really just need someone to talk to right now.  I feel alone and I could use some help.,-0.1597058823529416,2.1569718529411794,0.9443529411764722,100.40358823529414,95.1764705882353,3.896470588235295,15.623529411764707,5.6839178017228535,-0.8136282352941175,129,3,29,1,5,40,24,34,0.058,0.785,0.157,0.5267,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,13,8,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730312673048018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432953790800366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209589333443105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329441304308745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35339844192880265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954712125223416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888200130052303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502608228580041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336473942880128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188812020519096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553668295635866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foreignexpresstrain,2018/02/02,"What exactly is keeping you alive? For me there are several reason though none are really technically worth living for.

1. I never been with anyone.  I never even touch, kiss, and hold much less have any type of sex.  Never been in love, doesn't seem like a possibility anymore.

2.  I would miss out on good foods.  

3.  I would miss out on the first colonization of Mars and potentially Titan, Europa, and Callisto.

4.  I would miss out on the slim chance that some newly discover surgery could fix me.  

5.  I would have suffered for nearly 3 decades for nothing.  

6. Hope die when you are dead unless you believe in reincarnation (which I do). 

7. My bloodline end with my death.

What about you guys?  What is keeping you alive?",1.4130000000000005,4.119279392592596,2.6884259259259267,87.81041666666668,92.11111111111113,5.662962962962964,20.083333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8244888888888893,558,18,107,10,20,179,93,135,0.17800000000000002,0.72,0.102,-0.8893,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,5,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,0,16,5,1,1,4,25,24,6,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,3,2,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,16,5,19,17,4,15,0,4,0,3,7,9,0,3,7,74,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227389258137413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373517327572296,0.1154419963473406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601154580094967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181918697633813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713480867082072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622989666680772,0.0,0.0,0.10904721732541264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043426467417608,0.19963998620780085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847833187377045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347529341931172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639818900450256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934975357953105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806596864755653,0.0,0.14578662480299612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900950259786594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136774642588015,0.0,0.3820066804511839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584182287984067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612582631854171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576750529802102,0.16975064671521747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030114859937885,0.0,0.18651639000653572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221024557231745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469130177674377,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qrrln,2018/02/02,Does somebody have time to talk Any reply would help,3.823,6.5238273000000016,2.4700000000000024,95.165,76.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,43,1,8,0,1,12,10,10,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820533005076313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916478802379378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765725893647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515654208649025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275987030574327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990970844319896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,euphemismforpenis,2018/02/02,"Thinkin about it (26m) I've been depressed for a long time now, maybe years. I'm on medication now, the third different one. But it doesn't solve the problems. My divorce is going agonizingly slow, I can't stand where I live or my job but so deep in debt I can't afford to change either. But worst of all someone I thought loved me left for across the country and now wants nothing to do with me. I don't have any talents or hobbies. I tell myself keep going for family but eventually they'd be alright. I just honestly think I would be better off dead, the world would hardly notice. ",1.8875988700564967,4.161602364406779,3.3450000000000024,88.5948446327684,80.44067796610169,5.967231638418079,23.39265536723164,7.1686216300943375,0.8790485875706211,461,16,95,6,12,151,86,118,0.185,0.6829999999999999,0.133,-0.7739,4,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,5,1,13,2,0,0,1,18,21,8,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,4,3,0,2,2,1,14,5,12,14,3,18,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,2,7,63,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947366566371744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181392504203423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169664773920395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766505974357276,0.0,0.0,0.2142837456754874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933481308227468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331238273242416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837275128381965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352810699323687,0.1823005163509895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228395652114291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811052819004882,0.1815052662519126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510894267773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604849704410905,0.0,0.0,0.20661464656505932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679705201681752,0.2335054199137303,0.0,0.0,0.13897970535794885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962510764323887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377886055392416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792646824894891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141850988940526,0.0,0.16282489363800015,0.11959428676938536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209721078473458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29139145374465825,0.0,0.0,0.13207638054648224
suicidewatch,Gomeybear13,2018/02/02,I feel hopeless. I have an app that is counting down the number of heartbeats until my projected suicide date. Watching my heartbeats count down is a strange sensation. I have no one to tell but strangers on the internet. My life is hopeless. I attempted suicide 13 years ago and now all I wish is that it worked. Would have saved me years of pain.  ,2.980649350649351,5.64961896969697,3.1053246753246766,89.59227272727274,79.0,6.195670995670996,30.640692640692638,7.447530270364453,2.0490329004329,276,14,52,4,7,84,47,66,0.278,0.618,0.104,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,1,7,10,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,9,1,7,9,1,9,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,6,37,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487661558618943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418975799215805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982209280777537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016566189532536,0.0,0.29861561939156345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6139386793053448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452875181471184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227166089825084,0.0,0.0,0.20430575449736368,0.0,0.0,0.19935518113697287,0.0,0.0,0.3614397118294676
suicidewatch,Tigereyes0920,2018/02/02,"I Ruined Everything My marriage, my husband's life, our friends and family...

But mainly, I fucked up my husband's already depressed mind... It felt like he was on his way mentally out of the relationship, and I sought emotional support that turned into an emotional affair. I never wanted anyone to get hurt... I was just so alone and lonely. He found out and I now I feel like he's never going to recover from this. 

I know he'd be better off even if he doesn't see it. I hurt him so much and maybe if I'm not around I won't be able to keep hurting him.

I've never wanted to die more than I do right now. And I'm trying to figure out the least traumatizing way.

I fucking ruined, everything. ",1.6106079027355626,3.7383291134751775,3.8201266464032417,85.61250000000003,80.56028368794327,6.58176291793313,22.128166160081054,7.7094869923839395,1.1031272543059774,539,17,108,9,14,185,88,141,0.14800000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.0647,0,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,7,14,2,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,3,28,24,11,1,4,5,2,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,3,20,5,16,16,4,17,0,7,1,2,15,9,2,2,7,73,24,0,0.13429101652757305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390849930710242,0.14819347609584566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389940117773787,0.0,0.0,0.11954747605839774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876949107493515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566465575664453,0.0,0.13937287333841586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021186370336967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869794988772105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413842130404998,0.0,0.12659761878779047,0.0,0.06790157294991248,0.09593752903991204,0.12894043551009166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724316815228589,0.10375290624593324,0.2482997616862603,0.07016151347835108,0.0,0.07632067943031008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312839319969022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936402578919983,0.0,0.0,0.07380283067006634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948537164306067,0.131215614748231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491337604138054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353337590756173,0.0,0.13559564462729434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871934887016724,0.0,0.31072053217388745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417829474064775,0.0,0.11468379436089912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701255345595406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239185413494502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911747851283828,0.14607006334585002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841664181645165,0.2131879163745743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slakr304,2018/02/02,"Tonight my dog may have saved my life I was in a car accident over a year ago and still have issues doing most things. This means I have no job, and zero income. Going through the process for disability, but I may lose everything I own before I get an approval. 

Had a fight with my ex that I am still in love with, (lost due to mood swings and depression from accident). I've been holding on to lost hope that I can win her back, but every day I push her further away. 

Tonight, everything just hit all at once and I wanted to end it all as fast as possible. The thought of this broke me. I sat alone on the couch crying and punching myself in the head. 

At some point during this, my dog came over and put her head against mine as if to block my hits. When I stopped she, (50+lb husky) climbed up into my lap. 

She usually stays to herself and rarely tries to play with me or ask for attention. I don't know why she did it. She may be the only reason I'm still here to write this. 

So now I have a severe headache, a black eye, and a lot of swelling. But I'm curled up on my couch with my dog instead of leaving her all alone. I don't know how I'm going to face tomorrow, but I'm going to at least try. 

Just needed to share this. I have no friends to talk to and just needed to get it out. ",2.513014705882352,3.424588977941177,3.552970588235293,93.81261764705884,74.66176470588233,6.910588235294116,23.894117647058824,7.1686216300943375,0.6082582352941182,990,28,236,10,20,319,152,272,0.16,0.747,0.094,-0.9487,2,2,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,0,6,14,14,1,0,12,0,18,6,4,2,3,50,43,21,0,5,9,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,11,16,0,3,6,1,0,8,4,6,0,1,9,2,36,7,44,28,8,44,0,5,2,1,17,18,0,9,17,160,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138747694962857,0.0,0.0,0.2602858111404241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174724677122395,0.0,0.1180590237107468,0.09662258782739848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692497494937474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371829795129834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802847291335685,0.08103846289623508,0.0,0.10822831449731778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129493307910483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587156385468607,0.0,0.2258650782534664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970823981944936,0.0,0.13130134346864322,0.0,0.2142415531001499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25792096484705085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248058973899887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311534121877489,0.12469532677760825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811576088304528,0.0,0.0,0.1330527726481283,0.0,0.0,0.08875535733828839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057820292935974,0.2743392339921769,0.10682921077771246,0.11341047896359854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687746809903836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634636101652485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382075796940265,0.0,0.09556792077892648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878661760416495,0.14165955017813536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263201370365275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919647279346824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195680648829648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393379690444618,0.3010498739324452,0.10505499942120172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009984530032943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348102334190975,0.0,0.0,0.0997577367552208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706259056329422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839359204436472,0.0,0.07411583953611925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338602826256397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809190812765463
suicidewatch,hembra666,2018/02/02,"Waiting game. My mother is about to turn 52. She’s been working two jobs for several years now, which averages out to 60 or so hours a week. She unfortunately chose an abusive spouse-my father, & she has never tried to make any sort of effort towards a new SO or even friends. She even admitted she was suicidal to an aunt in my presence. Unfortunately, I am just as suicidal. Too many people have disappointed me, so I no longer put effort towards any sort of relationships. I don’t even enjoy using any substance anymore. School is just a stress factor/distraction, & I no longer see hope for society considering the gov’t. Therefore, I am just waiting for my mother to pass first.  I already know what steps I’d take. ",4.630788770053479,6.622537132352942,5.63034759358289,76.71679144385027,71.05882352941177,8.474866310160428,30.010695187165776,9.095868883498916,2.735876470588235,574,24,102,12,11,189,92,136,0.193,0.73,0.077,-0.9543,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,12,5,0,1,6,0,9,0,0,3,1,17,19,6,2,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,4,2,0,2,2,1,15,3,16,17,0,14,0,1,1,0,13,4,0,5,7,66,17,3,0.0,0.1847498403353089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720710381183108,0.0,0.0,0.33789704891612393,0.0,0.3181102937469464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463922754703488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089680204196369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263274943240536,0.0,0.0,0.12047001498219108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487223851141466,0.15355821749746185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473503090655746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569425607679787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408352142887403,0.1580870810605368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026171449287262,0.15059677030471094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810122696847438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675126577379953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740891369675162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780802253280804,0.12425487038948972,0.0,0.0,0.1761548841243918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861563320171092,0.0,0.0,0.341121062411498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723886799358466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586525358989507,0.16960549209110853,0.15231954116585694,0.0,0.0,0.13467220728290993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507648154938758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351784531604872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041287725712142
suicidewatch,Redgrave792,2018/02/02,I think I've reached the end of the line I'm not afraid anymore. I feel a comforting sense of clarity or maybe resignation(i can no longer tell the difference) about dying. I can be done with all the heartache and disappointments. I was born disabled and to a broken family. Went through so many setbacks. And I'm now homeless and I'm forced to give my cat up at an animal shelter; who is my only constant and my closest thing i have to a child. At least she'll be ok. I was thinking of taking a train to the coast(I've always wanted to go but never had an opportunity) before offing myself. I'm quite honestly tired of living and i no longer want to try to find a reason to anymore. I just felt the need to write this down before going and getting my ticket. My only regret is that the friends i leave behind will sooner or later might wonder what happened to me. But then again I've never been good at saying goodbye anyways.,2.821764705882352,4.984992608695659,4.150741687979544,84.58172634271105,76.71739130434783,6.2859335038363175,24.41048593350384,7.285733465282438,1.1731180306905378,736,25,139,9,17,242,119,184,0.122,0.789,0.08900000000000001,-0.742,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,14,1,15,1,0,1,3,30,34,13,1,4,6,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,7,1,0,3,5,3,0,0,7,3,17,6,24,22,2,18,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,4,9,98,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285317372985166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063862352097454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628858460534683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692761297020842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603158751617622,0.16138867826167927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580768380420008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681491465308826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456209344273139,0.0,0.07810486956018718,0.0,0.14831579680750853,0.0,0.1411831362942922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193434386977539,0.0,0.08070440227377662,0.14818207179960205,0.17557816270460674,0.12956243277516047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659765408723326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163561837278539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640018275764226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566087284893594,0.1551862671194584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638686710651042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145378355197376,0.2382741722641709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23496338176776754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429827192439198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882128601627235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284105263751464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614250780540535,0.0,0.13501392779362725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262326206313324,0.19795677496033945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754098765658513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487525384549448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222127423121492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319559737976162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751654667385318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theamity,2018/02/02,"Ex telling me she's going to kill herself. I need advice quick. First post here, not sure where else to go. I recently broke up with my SO and she is not taking it well. She is telling me she'll ""be gone by morning"" or ""tell my mom I love her"" etc. Now I understand she isn't thinking clearly, and that she also may be trying to make me feel bad and get reactions out of me. The thing is, she has a history of self harm and depression. I have always tried my best to help, but I am no professional. 
Her history is what scares me, I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. I've been trying to talk to her, but she is not having it. She has her mind set on taking her life. 
Now, I have already told her best friend to try and talk to her because I don't know what to do. I am wondering if I should go to her family and tell them to watch her tonight or something. I don't know what to do, I've given her the suicide hotlines and told her she can call me anytime. 
I need advice! I don't know who else to talk to!",0.9301100478468918,2.3303157909090935,2.9785167464114863,94.33145933014356,79.72727272727273,6.267942583732058,21.578947368421048,7.0608816371341465,0.3552272727272729,774,22,188,9,19,262,113,220,0.146,0.769,0.085,-0.8994,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,3,8,12,1,1,3,0,28,2,0,1,2,34,50,15,2,6,9,2,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,0,0,4,9,6,1,1,7,3,48,6,21,36,3,16,0,2,1,1,41,4,0,6,6,136,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220729740055831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463346390263567,0.0903190667224628,0.09397615702803644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430121564763026,0.068847930019778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23704972140421934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532563094495098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972761222547546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886958230438192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595933433844922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647094708233268,0.0,0.057106483120159035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606775881322437,0.0,0.0,0.08725811983135312,0.0,0.05900713504960758,0.0,0.1925613237923536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757021307118628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495274551651532,0.0,0.1862086511746499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977373602559194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193387624923883,0.0,0.07538915294940818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403845381884704,0.1322754121986856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748899287738012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816648556154257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151584657321544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743298002462837,0.0,0.11307388136830873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782234214842525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694768233918543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353938258122232,0.0,0.10644577961919832,0.0,0.16983550958782054,0.27233366538660353,0.39486247820139975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503313962041691,0.0723681845411858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584038460016766,0.0,0.30671874607434,0.0,0.0,0.11757581119172275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154773609545738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247995418014244,0.0,0.11469730885017775,0.0,0.08023021458721424,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eknier,2018/02/02,"Not depressed, suicidal I'm not depressed, I just feel like life is so fucking hard like it's always a constant struggle and work and it would just be so much easier to just be dead, nothingness. Idk man i really dont know",0.8460000000000001,3.381639266666672,2.806111111111111,88.30250000000002,89.66666666666666,6.555555555555558,23.055555555555557,7.793537801064563,1.5732222222222223,177,7,35,4,6,59,34,45,0.17800000000000002,0.517,0.305,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,10,9,4,2,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,6,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173586808161912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822895458320314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499824269660239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061517185225541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208233055695964,0.1866179511454736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149669717114566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234004733998828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356147366120164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450971581151945,0.25524098262340555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202915489830424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734631115923845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730872719388235,0.0,0.2857358512616153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017364647884166,0.0,0.0,0.18556551103780747,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ysucpqm,2018/02/02,"ramblings of a paradoxical variety I always hate it when wpd gets linked on Reddit. I always just go into a spiral after that point. I feel so depressed I can't muster up the strength to type even. I hate myself and pity myself greatly. It feels like my minds a walking paradox. Everyone said how much *potential* I had. Like that helps. How good I used to be, how I looked better when I was skinny, that I looked better when I was pretending to be a boy, even though I'm not one. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I haven't masturbated in forever because I hate my genitalia but I'm still super fucking horny because hormones. I stand up for others but not for me. Every day for a month, I've been thinking about pushing my head under the school bus wheels. There's literally only one person stopping me, and I don't want to ruin his life with my suicide. I wish I had the strength to run away and then kill myself in an unrecognizable fashion so that he wouldn't know I was dead, maybe I could just text him I was running away. When I lived in a different state I escaped my problems by binge drinking, smoking weed every day, and stealing my mom's painkillers just to feel a little better. I could've applied to that great school I might've gotten into, but I didn't. It would've taken me 20 minutes, and because of that, it's already fucked. I have one friend at my school after a year of being there. I can't do drugs anymore because I don't know anyone. I have no desire to play the piano, or play video games, or live. When I tried to kill myself last year, I sent a text message to my old best friend, so they saw it and called my mom. I didn't think they'd be awake at that time. I moved in with my dad who works 80+ hours a week so he can provide for me. I have all the shit I could ask for and I still feel garbage. I know I'm the reason he started drinking again. He became an alcoholic after my uncle got shot and killed. The only buzz I can get is nicotine, so I've been stealing it from ashtrays around my neighborhood. I haven't taken a shower in a week. I look horrible in make up. Everyone will think I'm a boy. It feels like distant relief, like a prospect of heaven, looking like A Girl. So distant and fictional it requires capitalisation. Even now I'm still my fucking pretentious ass self. I'm never going to be a politician. I'm not danica roem, I'm not smart enough. I just really want to die, but the only way I can think of is sneaking out and trying to jump in front of a car on the highway, but maybe they'll be going too slow and I'll just be in pain. Who am I kidding, I don't even have to motivation to cut myself, I'm not going to do that. I wish I still had my sleeping pills so I could chug my dad's Bacardi.

edit: my friend, I didn't deserve her. I never did. Fuck, even now I'm mistendering them. I made them worry. They were already suicidal and I just stole their happiness. I made them worry about me eating, about me killing myself. I'm just a drain. I wanna get drunk so bad",2.035789473684212,3.7822059122807015,3.6859840510366872,88.9405550239235,77.59649122807018,6.1548963317384375,23.202232854864434,6.980632752743323,0.7204898883572568,2365,74,501,25,55,788,273,627,0.173,0.655,0.172,-0.7881,2,0,4,0,0,6,75.0,0,0,8,10,44,45,13,0,30,0,48,18,5,9,3,76,107,37,8,11,19,4,5,5,3,3,5,1,1,6,19,18,6,2,15,8,0,13,20,21,0,3,23,12,94,24,63,70,4,75,1,3,6,5,37,26,6,2,37,326,113,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525176072675097,0.0,0.0,0.13475665408326915,0.0,0.1016092475339946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060552505297061375,0.04269273336617975,0.0,0.0,0.05435400498774392,0.057080399623293025,0.0,0.11473081963431216,0.0,0.05098035430751894,0.14888002627082794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407594378657114,0.16200084827701433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234640228054701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499736942160192,0.0,0.0,0.07875390612046447,0.0,0.05258862406121633,0.0,0.0633679112463396,0.06379195715914608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962595733549401,0.0708071657757127,0.062476933388321325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308858577170118,0.0,0.20163908806593275,0.0,0.10288693667986723,0.11668586884292427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436220640042286,0.08723879589728738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151831982206628,0.2257862220120467,0.09569986868699104,0.0,0.13880124373003602,0.05121202583756623,0.04883315718090712,0.1346319338690249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499670664723432,0.0,0.18084453895976926,0.06266247756350257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092546865934129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012921123519056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27020373785772195,0.0,0.10066660272419732,0.049769906476957664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312662672574321,0.149147736398284,0.061195525957590514,0.1078295542004109,0.0,0.2563640691907437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554792124340245,0.04075626917330357,0.0,0.12268067141266005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477222167568521,0.061650539077780765,0.143019309639866,0.04873541090632861,0.06489432245333274,0.04488419293983894,0.0,0.09418241696335973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406943977170304,0.0,0.12412216403401058,0.13931064568910814,0.06496934746932956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331294115021748,0.0,0.0,0.05771895095754916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058423657943568234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039114915242007935,0.06277714634407659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058079541693647214,0.0,0.0,0.18537995705061694,0.0,0.0,0.06369615393414481,0.0,0.06267451377901898,0.0,0.0,0.0611014657720175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043216721361632016,0.0,0.1950419809879763,0.0510466960145609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357370743674213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649239145706725,0.059988556873575086,0.0,0.035603043964076014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829078938179135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273396455879874,0.0,0.0,0.07202643856091845,0.048464499009121316,0.09795307997452954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042592645239713,0.0,0.0,0.04445049318239972,0.1240134478255356,0.0,0.04337340444377654,0.0,0.0,0.07863788999017933
suicidewatch,genericname1211,2018/02/02,"I've started attempting an attempt, if that makes any sense at all Basically I've been trying to hang myself. And I just stand there with my belt around my neck trying to gain the will power to go through with it. My brain doesn't even try to justify it anymore. If I keep doing this, I think I might be able to pull it off",4.663235294117649,4.42174061764706,5.4429411764705895,86.31823529411768,69.29411764705883,8.564705882352943,27.294117647058826,8.07648339933343,1.4151941176470588,254,7,57,3,4,83,51,68,0.0,0.946,0.054000000000000006,0.5267,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,6,2,2,1,1,12,11,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,11,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,39,13,0,0.28099405995147625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108559646389664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27867060211557565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501442875570448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136823012209522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559392647985454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969539978107666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497604313820449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756571697224506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29809029248543273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988890419021443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004964757405212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723295653175908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gnarslogge,2018/02/02,"I'm so tired of life It just keeps going and going and going.  I hate my fucking job.  I don't want to go to college because I'll fuck it up just like I fucked up high school, I know that for a fact.  It doesn't matter what anyone says, I know me, I WILL fuck it up.  So I'm stuck here.

On top of that it's almost impossible for me to talk about my feelings with anyone, and when I do I get the same fucking solutions.  'Go back to college' 'Get a GED' 'Quit your job and find a new one' 'Find a hobby' 'try dating'.  If I had any motivation to do any of those things I would have done so already.  I have so many fucking hobbies I lose track of them, and I still feel like a pathetic piece of shit.

Nothing changes.  Day after day after day I go to work, come home, cry, play with my stupid puzzles, go to bed, it just keeps going and going and going.  There's no fucking end in sight.  Every day I wish something could just fucking take me out like a bus or something.  Maybe an aneurysm I don't know just fucking make it stop because I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself.

Gosh I'd love to go get some help but I'm fucking TERRIFIED of saying anything about my feelings lest they put me in the psych ward.  I've been there before, it's easily the worst experience of my life and I wish never to repeat it.  If anything it makes me feel worse.  So now I don't fucking trust anybody.  I guarantee when I stop feeling so emotional I'm going to delete this because it embarasses and worries me.

I just want it all to stop",1.6637396958086619,3.1499483636363657,3.40711947056775,91.678699640079,77.90282131661442,5.979844421223731,23.413560896319517,6.605766666666668,0.5256721467549053,1164,37,262,10,27,389,156,319,0.188,0.7170000000000001,0.095,-0.9859,2,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,5,23,22,14,0,11,0,15,16,1,3,3,55,67,21,0,8,10,0,5,3,0,2,3,2,2,0,19,13,0,5,11,1,0,14,6,16,0,1,4,8,36,6,35,60,6,42,0,1,1,12,8,9,12,6,22,159,55,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368198732410338,0.0,0.07017952468938242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649462244622734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893529616660388,0.0,0.10466781653150407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048901229321706666,0.0,0.11630219172301375,0.0,0.05411532476813292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727590278855868,0.054782133353935454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050776055530555766,0.0,0.06985697815213211,0.16405606792674568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508056296969711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153669279312919,0.05632698489267775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358218755177704,0.0,0.0,0.06220887595786489,0.0,0.0,0.16077968615178034,0.045432837971492834,0.0,0.0,0.11625078165364995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6467260127157815,0.0996785107641404,0.0,0.4337153683817291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278766651985239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262691082294216,0.06719243326861034,0.06379175266852445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262179974104954,0.11305370270792996,0.0,0.0,0.10485173261891173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983916039348583,0.09320905734980042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711474107003032,0.0,0.0,0.05739767443602783,0.0,0.08490135401929938,0.06447613921368987,0.06389050890945007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046750215757627916,0.0,0.049048986126514746,0.061421200658264924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061021866141262725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04309414643050726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393132421796949,0.0,0.06764194023761276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114783367966283,0.0,0.06436232462263093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528015432071785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791827697534457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507876720942984,0.15950675924551874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781611200168304,0.05111587903518364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042250210414007186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309399384504768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317736011420717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502087756127873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462640170095907,0.0,0.0,0.046298485295157725,0.0645846016487595,0.06480953300578167,0.045176617492204516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caramel-Papi,2018/02/02,"I hate being here Since the age of 6 I've been suicidal. 

An abusive and unstable house environment with shitty parents combined with an equally shitty school environment due to bullying, it was at 6 years old I decided ""Fuck This""

Jump to now. I'm 21. I've been homeless for 3 years. Recently moved back in with the father as I got nowhere else to go. Majority of my friends are no where to be seen. Mum and Dad are far from supportive like they've always been and I have no job/ no money or savings. My life is non-existent.

The fact that I've tried several times in the past to kill myself and I'm here hurts even more. I can't kill myself. I'm scared of the pain or messing it up. I'm a fucking failure and have the evidence to support that. Doctors so far have been just dismissive or condescending. Nothing helps neither the doctors or the pills.

Everyday is worse than the last. The pain is still there.

I just want to die. Maybe one day I'll get it right.

edit: had to retype current living situation. Accidentally deleted whilst drafting the post before submitting. ",1.9280382775119629,4.601450550239235,3.5354717703349285,84.60510239234452,84.16746411483254,6.7889760765550236,26.06334928229665,7.976525956113202,1.9507824306220087,851,37,162,18,25,281,135,209,0.298,0.654,0.048,-0.9962,3,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,0,11,15,5,1,14,0,17,8,0,0,1,18,31,11,4,1,6,4,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,10,0,1,8,1,10,5,22,21,4,28,0,1,1,2,6,8,2,4,17,96,16,5,0.0,0.15633184612130346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978782455184127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014566499514661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122744691322772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509284575730211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693684956779598,0.0,0.0,0.2701001728375148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102221274478144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714764595011698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019394647932892,0.2439598632022971,0.06893519798006235,0.0,0.0749867111707144,0.0,0.10552752279946244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026720169888212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843915848053915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224544832783588,0.1412485837505004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093387792571715,0.0,0.29195256618006626,0.0,0.0,0.10755182019088738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319581914814527,0.06446108366473535,0.0,0.11650880668216053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255529743440966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402353951205767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660364981317904,0.0,0.13845283935277974,0.0,0.08940854432500812,0.0,0.2807950455030774,0.0,0.14650799295809405,0.0,0.12595530194369772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636570290565366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027860029089802,0.0,0.0,0.11267929777217142,0.0,0.0,0.13209877740963608,0.13353418574289935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905895555021678,0.0,0.10914528790702112,0.14831037719855011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537050174388628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432511914722868,0.2994565571503149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769375000623194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958118991481062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782388111057015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446202058496834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993498286620745
suicidewatch,Pink_Baron,2018/02/02,"I've lost hope I've been great at music for some time now. Everyone used to compliment me and tell me how good I was. It got to the point where I thought it was all I was good at, and now my new Wind Ensemble director makes me feel like I can't even do that right
I'm thinking about overdosing.
I'll update later if I do or not

I've decided not to now. Besides, I don't have enough of anything to go with.
Thanks for your feedback :)",0.15585106382978609,2.13150437234043,2.261106382978724,95.59400000000002,85.06382978723406,6.313191489361702,21.102127659574467,7.554174236665415,0.6317863829787234,337,11,81,6,10,113,64,94,0.023,0.733,0.244,0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,3,1,17,20,5,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,1,11,7,11,13,3,13,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,4,8,50,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391532468673064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24348373437886564,0.0,0.1556409532992402,0.0,0.0,0.22516839415238352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914892686719587,0.16834445999988715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392218555238106,0.39529481105061537,0.1884664131629776,0.2597988655483752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234048133610386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115123987606323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572337807537068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572945168493133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758690231607764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276019586856116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012390940816477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596365757117602,0.21694977271525576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099146465150892,0.0,0.1870753913799309,0.13740618835549478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352116729708775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,User9302420,2018/02/02,"How do I help my friend My friend is currently a senior in high school. She has been thinking of committing suicide for a while now and her thoughts of suicide were so bad yesterday that she finally opened up to the school counselors and got pulled out of school and sent to the hospital. This was actually a good thing because she was finally going to get the help she needed, until her parents stepped into the picture. 

She is supposed to be scheduled for daily check-ups at the hospital as her parents are legally obligated to. Today, however, her parents have refused to to schedule these appointments and express their discomfort with sending her back to the hospital saying that it will get worst if she goes. They want her to continue to go to school and continue life as if everything is normal even after they found out that she wants to kill herself. 

My friend had already been diagnosed with anxiety disorder in the past, but her parents refuse to help her get any type of treatment for it because they don't really believe in mental disorders. They simply don't understand the gravity of the situation and think that this will just blow over. I try to comfort her in whatever way I can, but there's only so much I can do since I can't take her to the hospital myself. Is there any way I can help her convince her parents to take her or is there some type of number or number or service I can call in order to help her get the help she needs. She wants help more than anything, but her parents are stopping her from getting what she needs.


",10.707531073446326,7.770746620338986,9.8775,68.03139124293789,59.067796610169495,13.358757062146893,43.905367231638415,11.538034831475384,4.986011299435027,1243,57,222,26,12,397,151,295,0.078,0.79,0.132,0.9343,8,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,5,0,10,10,1,1,14,0,27,2,0,1,1,39,49,21,3,9,9,6,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,11,12,0,3,5,0,0,6,3,4,0,0,10,1,43,6,45,36,4,39,0,0,0,0,55,13,0,6,17,169,54,9,0.0,0.0,0.07841862452488013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867796528290234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929351773744236,0.0,0.061474283701181326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612846867871533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061790978711738415,0.0670962650437833,0.0979719917415286,0.0,0.0,0.09053688133966872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205534835455132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156251918905262,0.0,0.0,0.18419635839876447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053076248212983484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222133331295212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760583369982369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810930749143145,0.18625509422816644,0.0,0.2099208555039596,0.0,0.09133954799078073,0.0674011725830559,0.06427029591380516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770398010478819,0.08490351410956518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890513736802713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675981692437946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098279833283896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059072985009120935,0.17875515889438215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873458994367435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061116510033084076,0.0,0.0,0.535373814036068,0.0,0.0767115944076285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147992311728223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390456563496033,0.0,0.3253096975891064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647365317872735,0.090326689917215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718357869272923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579903079909734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083967621086295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053386834819294335,0.10298138486054276,0.0,0.0637959335055725,0.0,0.0,0.07617077312152984,0.0,0.0,0.05455836952675047,0.0,0.0,0.0836563742713098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421931568783859,0.12757019502512876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NEEDADVICE12335,2018/02/02,"I think im going to kill myself. I recently got my heartbroken by a friend I am in love with. She said I am to young (I'm 19, she's 43) I don't know want to do, I'm depressed and my entire body is aching. I have no friends my age I lost all of them after high school. I just don't get it. She is married (without the papers) but she is depressed with him. I already tried cutting myself but it just made things worse and she found out which I'm pretty sure completely ruins my chances of being with her. She showed me attraction since we met, calling me handsome and evens kisses me on the cheek (when her ""husband"" is not around). We work together, so me seeing her everyday is killing me slowly. I might as well just do it already.",0.3617616959064343,2.6288307171052665,2.1428070175438627,94.74020467836256,87.22368421052632,4.956725146198831,20.944444444444443,6.42735559955562,0.25434532163742674,567,19,124,6,18,186,97,152,0.195,0.626,0.179,-0.2156,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,2,0,1,2,8,15,3,0,3,0,14,4,2,1,2,25,30,8,2,1,7,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,2,34,8,16,22,1,12,0,4,1,2,20,5,0,1,6,87,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494458344863848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094874022979684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587077416510696,0.0,0.0,0.16167432117071645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600772672700173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27274164299459425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457656413869328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360248616516874,0.24465328608695855,0.0,0.08272175426404428,0.0,0.08998352766502186,0.0,0.12663228749462951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672860853549825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102535605880634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503410325054777,0.0,0.08701493625224999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283770371098015,0.0,0.14290049932405774,0.1498172392181744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796486384272072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108021327203167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633340695190626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060966044157034,0.0,0.0,0.16024008666905076,0.12616982888892175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097358025916267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922571002135945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518851545871027,0.10145253066630272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749679983448918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933881117011475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423591717221375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262606428009248,0.0,0.11526732975914356,0.0,0.16135348197438446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SecretStormX,2018/02/02,"I was whittling a popsicle stick with an x-acto knife and had a vision/intrusive thought of cutting my neck with it I held it for a second then put it down and walked away.

My family will never know 

I can't tell them 

It's to hard

I want to die. On my birthday. What a fucking great life I have


How do I get the fuck out of my broken mind I don't want to live in it anymore but I'm not sure it can be fixed",-1.300146627565983,0.5520253978494623,1.5373802541544492,99.09879765395893,90.72043010752688,4.672140762463343,17.056695992179858,6.11248444174946,-0.5344107526881716,314,8,80,3,11,109,67,93,0.139,0.8009999999999999,0.06,-0.6855,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,6,0,9,4,1,1,2,16,18,5,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,4,1,12,2,13,12,0,9,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,2,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376034917369796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509756798023964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486509336375881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258589878637667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429841050587111,0.12517303700453727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26414280820957936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462069437022105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166940102217595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692256504764506,0.0,0.0,0.21155754386022824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419120939833138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478237209954404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084864282394186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22580559961179375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094074536666385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020336798506904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826263457720847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rev_____on,2018/02/02,"Im doing it tommorrow Im going to kill myself tommorrow

I just cant handle it anymore, I feel like no one understands me beside some peoples in the same spot as me.
I feel like I failed my friends and my familly, even when I try to just find joy in any sorts of things but in 10 minutes im already telling myself that it is not worth.
Im going to find a way jump off the Jacques-Cartier Bridge if I finally able to not care about my younger brother but if I dont find the strenght in it, im going to make it look like an accident ; making cops shoot at me by making think I have a gun. 
I don't want to live anymore, I want to be able to sleep forever.",1.7690909090909095,2.769995839160842,3.755524475524478,91.29174825174827,76.62237762237763,6.878321678321679,26.28671328671329,7.348242739294969,1.1125860139860144,507,19,119,6,11,173,85,143,0.175,0.747,0.078,-0.9162,0,0,0,2,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,6,0,7,1,1,3,0,24,21,7,1,4,8,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,0,1,4,6,2,0,1,0,3,18,6,18,20,2,13,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,4,5,71,25,1,0.2342270939746769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923771131335773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964122794603788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229033852522124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940506636234292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725620485297546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735239326096968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843225645031878,0.16733188273629548,0.0,0.12829216625967724,0.3211189807668988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048163588970352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996749829069616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6325136376594414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956878792593166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164729027277364,0.0,0.10341340760946482,0.0,0.09834588366884817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452260604693365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935917036103927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119178751025834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719812499036245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102362402055469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780503673374382,0.07504163207171988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951241086927767,0.0,0.0,0.12191933264488512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815320864101188,0.09295928241164272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Helpmehelphimplease-,2018/02/02,Help please. My boyfriend wants to kill himself and has severe depression and just quit smoking weed.  I don't know how to help him and he won't talk to anyone but me about it. He has severe mood swings and is constantly getting mad and saying how he has nothing to look forward to. It's been like this sense he lost all of his friends last year. Please give me some advice. We've been dating for 2 years and 5 months and go threw periods of being happy but then fighting.  ,3.8982406015037583,5.167125621052634,3.9870676691729336,90.64947368421049,71.73684210526315,6.69172932330827,25.150375939849624,6.868970318607317,0.8221428571428575,374,11,78,3,7,115,70,95,0.181,0.64,0.179,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,3,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,1,16,17,12,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,4,2,7,3,9,11,2,11,0,2,1,0,14,1,0,1,10,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265421078821104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306974864315561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199206972292594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160992291609509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441246574772934,0.0,0.09765699611328596,0.1793088803347037,0.10622986770074308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989778005606036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505745340281529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067971911022632,0.0,0.1027253032407869,0.15236320477959728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131874545026973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569641332973942,0.0,0.2040431940751163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491962496529222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935296481355315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103599019216208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988104149301584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864478097834438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422328513425844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023769402246967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024914235154423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407382650308235
suicidewatch,W_Streeter,2018/02/02,"I dont even get myself. Why am i such a piece of crap person. All my life, I've been treated badly by people. Ive grown up with walls around my mind because I was always worried about being hurt. I have always been this pessimistic, unloving, cold person. Whenever I get in a relationship, I let the walls down. I become this happy person. ""Finally, some love. Someone cares about me. Let me do the same!"" But then I build the walls back. Why? Why do I do this? I become mean, I become secretive and selfish, I do terrible things behind my SO's back. I dont get it. I am the very person I hate. I complain about people doing things but then do them myself. I'm such a hypocrite. I've never wanted anything more than to not be selfish. I can never let it go. It makes me want to hurt myself. I want to just go away and never be around anyone ever again. I havent hurt myself since 2014 when I attempted suicide but now I want it again. I just want to be normal. I want to finally be a good person but I can't. I can never be normal. I dont think I'll ever be able to love anyone normally. I'm a tormentor, a traitor, a cheater.. Just an all around evil person. I wish myself on no one.",-0.3730818304502499,1.8612383805668031,2.2343540669856488,92.37472089314196,92.31983805668017,4.4514292724819065,16.796589375536744,6.11248444174946,-0.25260215924426443,908,23,192,9,33,312,118,247,0.197,0.693,0.11,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,5,42.0,0,0,1,1,21,18,3,0,12,0,30,4,1,1,8,39,51,10,1,10,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,11,12,0,1,3,1,40,6,22,38,6,30,0,3,0,2,12,11,1,1,16,148,49,0,0.07899931329137468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314675143229286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104763133577071,0.0,0.06500970366107345,0.21097841296907688,0.0,0.0,0.07422245533561768,0.12149119116894848,0.06596112679477721,0.0481572481373059,0.2617456046084908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054506492879034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27775982046391945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217830136868472,0.1429188033361784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730797725095475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382164185499073,0.0,0.0897942605667549,0.0662608758917727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409623798492996,0.0,0.07799546659688501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537111963432313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423464506229837,0.05579955126495113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259992916916614,0.0,0.0527326550617137,0.0,0.0,0.0860534116165871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976678625154439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437165622539623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322076616494475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353197920453315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953635379010544,0.4138749193227957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481569780726146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534904831100333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693586178932039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641242663337045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496726690790892,0.05061957010465058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518270694277015,0.2795750506852952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138537780649585,0.0,0.09084531155008573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022763736531338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neverarightthing,2018/02/02,"Thought of suicide is euphoric and calming now Spent the last 5ish years of my life in and out of depression. Had some severe down times but recently my ideation is straight up euphoric and cathartic. It was like I was covered in fuzzy white fur and happy in my final second. The only thing that got me through work today was writing my good bye letter in my mind. My out reaches for help haven't worked. The damn doctors office didn't even return my call or “confidential” voicemail. Online help is refused and they keep telling me to go to a therapist around me, except they are ""all busy"". My mind keeps telling me I'm a lost cause, worthless and any positive memories of me will fade into oblivion anyways. Debating which of two ways I'm going to go and how much mess there will be afterwards. Per the guidelines, I won't be specific. Either way, the universe will be rid of one more f up and will be better off. Can't ever do anything right and pretty sure I cause more harm to my friends and family than I do harm. For the longest time I thought the genes that kept me physically healthy and smart were worth passing on, but now I've realized they would only perpetuate pain and misery. Trying to decide if I should wait till after my friends wedding or just be done with it. Leave enough dog food out and then make sure the cops don't show till Monday so they can have their weekend. It's just the recurring thought every 10 minutes is to just end it. Half way through my good bye letter and it feels so calming to know it'll be over soon. For those reading this, if you start going down the road to depression, find a doctor soon. If you wait too long, no one cares when you need them too. Here's to a better world for you all tomorrow.",5.329040551285452,5.975155390670557,5.28345746090644,84.95191823482642,67.9795918367347,8.102252849191625,30.459713755632123,8.00094639256281,1.9411877551020411,1381,51,275,16,22,430,202,343,0.116,0.6729999999999999,0.21,0.9907,0,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,4,6,5,19,23,1,0,14,0,33,5,0,4,5,62,56,28,1,6,12,0,1,1,2,8,4,0,0,0,12,20,1,6,8,3,2,5,6,9,0,5,14,2,33,14,43,28,8,55,0,4,1,0,24,20,1,6,30,188,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014327119663805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488091898537993,0.09182240276136514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824496911991305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532428037671457,0.0,0.10516490225114693,0.21192008190476846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768014777582092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114997051219034,0.0,0.10555485298178684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135733217339133,0.1065780807445616,0.0,0.06812740132396619,0.09330206634005514,0.08690551635368987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972374986426632,0.0,0.05215405448201516,0.0,0.0,0.1129921328743702,0.09427418576712672,0.0,0.12472536020889663,0.0,0.1593817194488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344825134492226,0.1730290624855619,0.08249581291728877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980154594441358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382740744599413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336299539908124,0.0,0.0,0.05668671113897283,0.08407830111052815,0.0,0.10921742806355923,0.0,0.0,0.07285554192084227,0.05039225177830856,0.0,0.0,0.09128155522220442,0.0,0.0,0.11259677253322545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885120174540102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082974614632986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582466908685065,0.07648194725356082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397897032011172,0.15689537775300408,0.10975532698679752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493724311289934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317458081597433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184489080775536,0.0,0.0,0.08808669077098699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652637515319167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300774240625425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282571326023623,0.0,0.1944290275399746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180309468170958,0.0,0.0,0.11976123141740648,0.06852606285499754,0.0,0.0,0.2456607980653023,0.12029130302862236,0.0,0.09777098051059743,0.0,0.0,0.0700298167537197,0.0,0.10075930670489412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456190716018127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018400534996293,0.0,0.0,0.07327243342723443,0.0,0.0,0.06642307230727837
suicidewatch,p_inklove01,2018/02/02,friends vs. money i wish friends were like money so you could hold them up to see which ones are real and which ones are fake,9.685384615384617,5.67603523076923,7.711538461538463,86.08346153846158,62.07692307692307,10.4,33.69230769230769,3.1291,1.5772,100,2,23,0,1,29,21,26,0.09,0.58,0.33,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276247602785445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346273366597034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903491472982746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689082096323393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393816274751002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757119704565064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978753730521093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2ThroawayAccount2,2018/02/02,"I burden everyone I know https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/7umfjn/cant_i_catch_a_break_for_once_in_my_fucking_life/

This is my story. I don't want to write it over again.
I just want to be numb to everything. I'm sick of it all. People just seem not to like me regardless of where I go. I can't be my stoic self without being seen as a weirdo. I can't do anything without taking a million tries to do it. 
I've been having more and more thoughts about running into traffic or falling to my death and honestly, sometimes, it feels like that's really preferable to just living this miserable fucking life. 
I don't want to hear ""Oh. You'll be so happy later"". 
I'm SICK of hearing how great my future will be. It's been a fucking hellride for 23 years. You don't know that it will get better.
",3.3517006802721063,6.415608965986397,3.5691496598639496,84.01930272108847,81.78911564625852,5.171428571428573,21.77210884353741,6.691623216298621,0.6406027210884351,646,20,114,7,18,199,88,147,0.21,0.695,0.095,-0.9157,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,1,8,11,2,1,3,0,19,6,0,1,1,23,37,6,1,5,7,0,1,2,0,3,4,2,0,1,10,3,0,0,6,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,4,4,15,6,18,25,3,10,0,1,1,2,6,3,2,2,6,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465346280101881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748649961626365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015141495430625,0.16003585782139182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003643061477122,0.12721167274175454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292416256869351,0.0930330766384556,0.0,0.1012000349839932,0.0,0.0,0.19632037943417413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955648551212734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40139070700417206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572281330509889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577455406308835,0.1739898662077883,0.0,0.15723713079421905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234497925102557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407479312177207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210623843426958,0.18576355177389156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761136085477068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388482567516172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136594376955067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089634832294255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150870081386767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433020119440947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466982577694936
suicidewatch,CharzinVlogs,2018/02/02,"Need help with a suicidal friend I'm not sure if I can post on here or not, but I think my friend is going to kill herself. I was going to take my dog on a walk and she came to me and sat on the curve then began to cry. I sat next to her and asked her what's up. She didn't answer then out of nowhere, she said ""I'm going to kill myself."" She walked back to her house (I followed her of course trying to talk her out of it) she closes the door in my face and I stopped and realized that this is actually happening. I knock on her door hoping she would unlock it and she did thankfully. I walked in. She asked me what I was doing here and that this was none of my business. She knew it was because she's one of my closest friends, I sit down at the kitchen table and told her to sit down next me. I asked her what's wrong and that kind of stuff, she wouldn't tell me, I told her to think about her daughter, and that crisis always passes. The thing is, (I don't know what she is going through, but she has a great life) she has no reason to. Nothing bad happend to her in her childhood, no recent deaths and shes not depressed. I have noticed that she is drifting away from her husband, her husband leaves her alone at night when she acts this way. What should I do to make sure she doesn't kill herself one night? ",1.5174462365591384,3.0449094229390674,2.6046818996415766,97.09368951612906,78.42652329749103,5.366845878136201,20.58557347670251,5.7366,-0.24696308243727616,1015,25,241,5,24,323,130,279,0.161,0.7340000000000001,0.104,-0.9635,1,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,0,5,15,3,0,7,0,23,3,1,2,2,39,50,18,5,6,7,3,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,18,16,1,1,7,0,0,12,10,6,0,2,14,1,60,9,38,33,1,45,0,1,0,0,50,17,0,3,12,174,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.10858365130132132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524235608816805,0.0,0.0,0.09258570900280004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312067812578829,0.0,0.10454200319475153,0.08555990527319224,0.09290595813528572,0.06782927303948612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726345086827287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222507524396292,0.0,0.0,0.09583684875848444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579012106792228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529496452951565,0.0,0.0,0.12267577365447414,0.0,0.0,0.0983958586229401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458206066980848,0.0,0.0,0.11051640199596477,0.0,0.12839085602999534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36931192659990186,0.1158707767298838,0.06115118464327305,0.0,0.0,0.1178190615681417,0.0,0.0,0.07859342351622405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427371364908145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825054335382689,0.0,0.0,0.2366742117753449,0.20883906513664655,0.0,0.10676674511170836,0.1266818450512216,0.0,0.0,0.1507991164053049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656608093762356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440428395051945,0.10986588563041977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584342816759784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302685842993423,0.0,0.0,0.12737774261200727,0.12171152436716767,0.0,0.20974166827143345,0.0,0.08366133265243586,0.08943476122930379,0.09725504760737486,0.10244263829185446,0.0,0.0,0.07392296780543868,0.14259488548765056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264686354094806,0.0,0.07554515280208386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832109500119617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904314813371154,0.1216564816693696,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadboxcat,2018/02/02,Struggling I have no family or friends. I live alone. I don't want to hurt and I'm curious if a 12 gauge 00 buck shot into the mouth will be painful or will just be instant sleep.,0.3526923076923083,2.2717606153846184,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,83.87179487179488,5.951282051282053,22.570512820512814,7.1686216300943375,0.5595589743589748,140,5,34,2,4,46,33,39,0.251,0.564,0.185,-0.2373,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,3,2,0,0,7,8,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648431458602827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320866793541997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27216118627250624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37710990724544535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31105887304892305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748377178481656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525221489714493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682667330391241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777664319047526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,k1438,2018/02/02,I just want to disappear At this point I literally wake up and wonder if this is the day I’m going to end it. Honestly I don’t think I’ll be here next week ,3.5316666666666663,2.48161994444445,6.18,82.81500000000003,71.7777777777778,10.533333333333337,26.333333333333336,10.125756701596842,2.0121,122,3,31,3,2,45,30,36,0.057,0.813,0.13,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605643367897363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35784847576572565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961815990933654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429687868843894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819366153965294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588845315829652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830590912208224,0.0,0.324086519353521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381506288607203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ovaduratradu,2018/02/02,I literally want to die I acidentally plagiarized on an important assignment and has got kicked out of school. I want to die. All my hopes and dreams are gone my life is pointless now,2.7270000000000003,5.513166771428577,4.005357142857147,81.93089285714288,81.28571428571428,9.214285714285714,25.892857142857146,9.516144504307137,2.866285714285714,147,6,29,5,4,48,28,35,0.183,0.585,0.232,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,8,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,18,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6977588399924535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688566376699622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338812109773814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743866923403106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34021031898054765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965499511549486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhyDontWeMatter,2018/02/02,"Is there any reason beyond empty platitudes why i shouldn't do it tonight? Life is empty, lonely, and devoid of all color. Everyday is the same. People put on fake smiles to work jobs they don't want so they can afford things they think they care about.

This is not something I want to be apart of or near at all.

I thought people cared about one another and sought meaning in the blank void. Instead they use and abuse acquaintances, friends, and even family and then they toss them to the side.

Maybe my one flaw was I tried to change a terrible place into something decent.

Oh well, time to go join the hoards of other suicidal white men.",4.134390243902439,6.030185081300818,3.980983739837399,88.4285487804878,72.17073170731706,7.196422764227643,22.86910569105691,7.908726449838941,1.021641300813009,507,13,99,7,10,154,90,123,0.166,0.7170000000000001,0.117,-0.7135,2,2,2,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,7,1,8,7,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,2,2,19,19,8,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,1,2,2,2,12,4,16,15,3,15,0,1,2,0,9,9,0,1,4,65,16,2,0.0,0.21203038050543435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169437062109667,0.18764812293462152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649096020915512,0.0,0.18930884756239155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819695723812075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687012310121032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825886436388754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170327605573544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758352278460532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263999977340774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978262811033813,0.19493258972099306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425267550280037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24812735151088944,0.0,0.186968094946208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798974790257245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399378198774205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755339638883302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957458489010256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888861109574733,0.11466603944800395,0.0,0.14206891930766874,0.10434909980332834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149753396392955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545581814949198,0.0,0.0,0.21110256846170852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090049497304154,0.0,0.1614775056432724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028012307255454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway5367981,2018/02/02,"This is why I don't talk to my parents about things I've always had a difficult time in school. It's not that I'm not doing the work or that I'm not studying, it's that I can't. I cannot pay attention to anyone when they're talking and I forget everything whithin less than a minute. I'm afraid to ask teachers about what they said because I don't like talking and I think they're are going to get mad at me for not listening. I get distracted by everything and I mean literally everything. I'm always fidgeting, like staying still is a myth. Fidgeting with everything in my hand leads to me using and losing 20 pencils and pens per week. I have no friends. While everyone at lunch is sitting at a crowded table, I'm sitting by myself, staring at a wall. I never talk at school except when necessary. I told my parents about although I was hesitant, since I thought they would make fun of me, but I later decided to talk to them because they were my parents and I didn't think they would actually do that. I was wrong. I told my mom and she kept saying that this was normal. It was normal to have social anxiety. She said God made me perfect so I don't need professional help. They actually started laughing. We went to the doctor today because of something else and I asked my mom to tell him about this problem but she refused and at the car ride home she actually got mad at me. I don't know what to do. I can't do better at school because I procrastinate uncontrollably. I've never not done a project before the day before it was due.
I hate Nintendo. Their games are the only reason I haven't commited suicide. I just want to die. If I can't ask my parents to get help for me about school, how can I expect then to help me with my depression?",2.6449050431622005,4.522092487323945,4.299227623807365,84.6358382553385,76.23943661971829,7.397546569741027,26.94457064970468,8.259297600419973,1.851089959109495,1383,55,278,25,31,464,169,355,0.174,0.753,0.073,-0.9864,4,0,1,0,0,2,31.0,1,0,7,5,11,18,3,3,11,0,32,3,1,6,4,51,64,20,2,9,11,6,1,2,1,2,1,4,1,0,15,12,1,2,8,2,1,5,18,11,0,0,18,6,56,7,39,44,1,33,0,2,1,0,42,11,0,2,16,184,71,13,0.0,0.0,0.2340329865765851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303482143370168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115473332774896,0.0,0.0,0.055896685564826916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420245072797812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492544419599211,0.0,0.13604799998130254,0.0,0.0,0.07070141890195708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155540510442855,0.0,0.06885316426624798,0.0,0.08296625515766211,0.0,0.0,0.08182311747529775,0.0,0.08180751448523549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678054284671031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638716013599679,0.28738367417484434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176230629935961,0.0,0.12529779770038255,0.0,0.045432377275068464,0.0,0.06393621154838668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892529971980458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074853068952694,0.0,0.0801874552452594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393354556063895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811038054325989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943365831303812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564221487079026,0.053361314283528416,0.0,0.0,0.08707930858153365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725213286463227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927532302929061,0.12331103051150033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665063703971366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060798819408189826,0.0,0.0,0.3550605863874581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649284972242239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219277926654735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208461130628018,0.0635723823774547,0.0,0.3236187004910179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612811550967651,0.0,0.0,0.08148989840278904,0.0,0.061542575052398026,0.0,0.0,0.056582731875573125,0.08520659091750589,0.06384107682750494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744260364264261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212681962004079,0.06987205709890917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310932393220856,0.1024460758173544,0.0,0.06346431493032784,0.04661430638655648,0.0,0.07577482871144232,0.1527743202719936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904345548099683,0.0,0.0,0.047151340183143715,0.0,0.06412393959975396,0.0,0.0,0.07410621348432005,0.07213442125307454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819808301584066,0.0,0.0,0.1135757473889186,0.08740305868720799,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nottme123,2018/02/02,"Not my time yet... How does anybody move forward in a world that primes you to hate? Primes you to work a production line? Primes you to be an ""average"" by the books person? I'm sick of hearing ""it's the way it is"" it's like no one believes that anything is worth fighting for.  I want to live, but the people I see daily make me feel like I should have never been here in the first place.  My mom pushes religion and my dad doesmy support my emotions, he literally just asked me ""what are you gonna Do? Go cry in your room"" in a condescending manor.  I don't open up to people very easy and I've lost every friend I've ever had because they find that they don't like me when I start to open up.  I've become numb to everything I used to enjoy, everyday I wake up and start counting down the hours until I can go to bed again.  I've met some lovely women in my life who have only broken my spirit by rejecting me by saying they don't understand me.  I dont know, maybe one day I'll take a bunch of painkillers or sleeping meds and just fall asleep.  I can't handle what life has been throwing at me.  I want to stop suffering. I feel alone.   ",1.6913725490196114,3.3785897058823515,3.2577310924369733,91.89217086834736,78.41176470588233,6.214005602240897,20.99719887955182,7.07126945348624,0.3796812324929975,882,23,197,10,21,291,146,238,0.139,0.7170000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.3181,0,1,0,0,2,0,27.0,0,5,3,3,9,13,2,0,10,0,18,8,3,3,2,26,41,9,0,3,5,2,2,3,1,2,4,2,2,2,9,6,0,1,5,1,1,7,8,6,0,3,5,5,32,7,27,33,2,37,1,3,1,1,21,16,0,2,18,118,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429694281991282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359644451572673,0.0,0.12905022724345547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414885560130891,0.1524560610528647,0.0,0.15552557050272245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163217511672258,0.08902538829640884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080110210158927,0.0,0.16178368385600914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527817858448092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248664968392518,0.11630597058312853,0.0,0.1240628559296612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395959239615885,0.09861692025011852,0.0,0.0,0.12616748782615447,0.11741808304175733,0.0,0.0,0.1066505692127695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569044029408463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628746471361727,0.0,0.0,0.15558287415230465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594313328361055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586403297290517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950056767622806,0.20232040492433195,0.0,0.12189322924295895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068867275015635,0.0,0.12458790018690165,0.0,0.09214381526971577,0.0,0.1386813041662979,0.0,0.1533330573449341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167261030960914,0.0,0.14671633546158985,0.0,0.0,0.1064661634437788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870810713806098,0.10498682911740707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914012775791703,0.12053256837474847,0.1442240527750819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977619154804262,0.0,0.0,0.11000125347753112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814125505122335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954130576955466,0.0,0.0,0.11540892783130507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664792992262108,0.0,0.0,0.10379007595562208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804931455358595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370613546895047,0.0,0.11922358908966407,0.0,0.11389874642734216,0.16284098088252086,0.10957096747120686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049590199315103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drdeathdefy96,2018/02/02,"I want to kill myself As a child my parents brought me over to the United States. We crossed the border and walked through the Forrest at the border. 
I had no say in the matter because i was 9. 
We walked for almost a week and the food and water rubbed out. We drank water from horses and cows. I fell in a ditch and i was very afraid. I lost my dad for hours and then i finally found him. We came here in the states and i started school. Followed the American culture and i now consider myself an American. I went to elementary, middle and high school here in the US. Then it finally hit me. I couldnt go to school because I’m undocumented, i couldnt drive a car or do any of the simple things American people do.  I clean houses for a living because i cannot get another job due to m being undocumented. I have hunger for school and to be successful. I want to be someone i want to accomplish something in life. I am now almost 22 and I’m stuck on a routine of cleaning houses and then going home and from my house back to work. I am scared of being deported because i know nothing and have nothing in my home country. We left because the drug lords got out of control in my country and threaten us to kill us. Yet here i am with nothing in my life fearing donal trump and fearing being deported. Waisting my brain away because i cannot attend school. Suicide seems like a good option right now. I have been through so much and i want a better future but there is no way of doing
It. I hate my life and myself.",1.7019060628349294,3.9073971563517924,3.416232005884212,88.20863297257542,80.69381107491857,5.785394557108332,24.235473363454872,6.968188349444268,0.9764219607019018,1185,44,239,14,31,394,152,307,0.097,0.8290000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.8944,3,0,2,0,1,3,25.0,8,0,0,6,10,12,3,4,20,0,23,11,2,1,0,43,46,25,3,6,2,2,1,1,0,0,4,1,4,1,3,27,6,1,3,0,0,13,6,8,0,0,12,2,47,4,39,26,1,49,1,1,0,0,14,18,0,5,16,168,50,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694695844387048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754455984367789,0.08873153774208528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950335579113743,0.06506762241506506,0.0,0.3095017120037283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483958899091188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446400089041848,0.0,0.09678283469219193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490862120974636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813243400808004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044224380198066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539433479873527,0.0,0.0,0.10232294320070344,0.09278155599137997,0.0,0.0,0.044210502075715696,0.0,0.09618308924920456,0.07097531289197366,0.06767841251605773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354481541884873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940576622949419,0.16976169038712846,0.0,0.08333373873748799,0.2929206518531841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397237770305144,0.0,0.18723917405513876,0.0,0.04650498594987471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919399704225603,0.0,0.17930900657261195,0.04134109941900667,0.0,0.07472108575289185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237281929836387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220549930817145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435857625799919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396059076607152,0.0,0.0,0.05866491257976238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226509060708823,0.0,0.06729328834120613,0.08471946761590977,0.4282002205660538,0.0,0.07703494767389335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169832378839415,0.0651446759328945,0.0,0.0,0.059894532009648865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256063907268257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056217824711318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053626313539625,0.0,0.0,0.06982043261796618,0.1996444752867308,0.06716748507929371,0.06787712833286297,0.0,0.0,0.07844366697265483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616044300186445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nerolykos,2018/02/02,"My Attempted Suicide Experience Hey guys, im here to tell you all about my history, i have depression and angry issues, last week i was passing through a very dificult part of my life (family issues, money issues and other stuffs), one night i have left for a party with my friends... some drinks after i started to get some depressive and angry feelings... After some time they decide to take me home for my safety (i was about to fight some guys for no reason).
When i came home my drunken self create courage to slit my forearm open with a knife, i thats wat i did... 
They rush me for the hospital for treatment.
The result of my action just left me sequels and pain( the cut  was so deep that cut my tendon and i lost my hand movements)...
Anyone has some advice in how to pass this aftermatch without having a second try? I am really scare the some time in the future i will try this again....

PS.: Sorry about my english... it is not my main language.",2.47251051051051,4.744488686486488,3.790225225225228,86.19440690690693,78.35135135135134,6.273273273273274,22.71021021021021,7.3871296695380915,1.0272822822822825,737,23,140,10,18,241,115,185,0.168,0.762,0.07,-0.9552,0,0,1,0,1,1,37.0,0,1,2,2,9,10,3,1,9,0,11,6,3,3,1,24,17,8,1,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,3,7,9,1,0,3,1,1,6,3,8,0,2,6,2,29,2,24,10,9,23,0,3,0,0,10,6,0,6,11,104,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310775867322944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524472175076784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557937154107245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464362532168698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343887966674697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324444481379702,0.12841141503053152,0.0,0.06887441603394556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523940048906576,0.0,0.07116673530440593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697486067028874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732695788869008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471356156946156,0.4265193297887718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103343637666332,0.0,0.0,0.29599607476755113,0.0,0.09621270972067994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148694804892056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782858573518274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230283504473867,0.0,0.14494240434245032,0.0,0.0,0.14750761213228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726284134997933,0.140051745681512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637501597755916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210199206541368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248158298965658,0.09641370501542636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593362938661992,0.14899714301391173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241675643093012,0.0,0.11905794716255952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588561681799016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496213887033155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239167197088364,0.0,0.0,0.10926348714644972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313064358198192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StormlightHero5,2018/02/02,"How painful is the noose? Don't have a gun to do it. The noose is the only other way that's quick enough. One thing holding me back is that becoming a vegetable scares the fuck out of me if I fail. You guys know the lethality rates of strangulation by hanging? And if by any chance, how painful it is?",1.589086021505377,3.6224428548387095,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,80.12903225806451,6.068817204301076,23.23655913978495,7.1686216300943375,0.6145075268817206,235,8,54,3,6,74,44,62,0.226,0.7170000000000001,0.058,-0.9136,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,1,7,0,7,4,0,2,0,8,9,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,4,0,6,9,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,2,2,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877533160748993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229916278315392,0.0,0.0,0.3049240151262124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852787977993377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552443567539261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27337636319634306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173398406078614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708836843065346,0.20998184820443905,0.5875667401050383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27641815358736554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342451555352374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915048251836108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QueenDunedain,2018/02/03,"I am always thinking about suicide Always. Just when i feel that i had controlled it, it just come out and make feel terrible. I have a good week, my mind focused on doing stuff that could get me through this year and then, boom, the idea appears again.

I am a piece of shit. Once i was almost going to drink acid (a type that is sold to clean stuff) and then i stopped. I guess it is real. I guess my problems are not something that are stupid threats.

Maybe im becoming everyday closer to it? How would it feel?",1.4058958517210909,3.70250441747573,2.1530803177405144,96.3037246248897,82.49514563106796,4.910503089143866,21.984995586937334,6.11248444174946,0.1608912621359222,397,13,86,3,11,123,70,103,0.2,0.726,0.07400000000000001,-0.9344,0,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,3,0,4,0,12,2,1,3,0,26,24,7,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,12,5,1,2,5,1,1,3,1,5,0,0,3,5,12,1,8,19,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,8,60,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667503470142072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277123638583996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839133535663172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344621031463592,0.0,0.0,0.1867715150630968,0.13295635446552928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631307256498226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525995458231925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870022380383464,0.0,0.09463977599475552,0.13967294595519805,0.0,0.0,0.3668912740965964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879860203508953,0.17987515945232754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115647327902824,0.0,0.1672963577179805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814238983694374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734327969167155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934156645822672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954146820508536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093512378500453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819878391649936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392220342200004,0.0,0.0,0.3812616859280909,0.18215090024970346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670224901720764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357600116056886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829430833264708,0.0,0.0,0.1072363920289616
suicidewatch,RobCrimson,2018/02/03,"Existential stuff Came to a realisation that ultimately my life is meaningless, and I highly doubt it'll get better. Often when I see beautiful people on TV or Internet, or just walking down the street I think to myself: ""Wow, they do things. They accomplish shit"". And then I can't help but think about me: weak and pathetic. My dreams are there only to be crushed. My goals are there only to be never reached. I seem to fail more than acceptable. What a fucking joke. And what's worse is the realisation that I'll never become great at something and I'll never know how it feels to be good at it. There'll be nothing left to remember about me. I don't think I can live knowing this. Maybe I should just end myself before it will all get even more pointless. Don't know what else to say.
Excuse the grammar.",2.8555274261603363,5.132966493670885,3.97749367088608,85.30695780590722,77.10126582278481,6.998143459915612,23.191561181434608,8.021203637495839,1.2673758649789026,638,20,126,11,15,207,97,158,0.18600000000000005,0.691,0.123,-0.9202,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,4,10,11,2,1,5,0,16,4,1,1,4,29,29,11,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,10,3,0,2,6,5,0,0,1,3,17,6,15,21,3,15,0,1,1,1,5,7,2,5,6,87,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821106409905685,0.13730672460361248,0.0,0.0,0.14271110572136053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455453243399847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479680122887766,0.0,0.1429183662030822,0.0,0.0,0.10657772790916546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158920669103258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491760772058855,0.1686094143699283,0.0,0.0,0.13534234378228754,0.0,0.17790158834538414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815719077999733,0.17048725051157082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26604012886557504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531970733545973,0.0,0.11397437701447735,0.0,0.0,0.1424851326988276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210928326130014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733557356820497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483068067977054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24544533558309986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118677247455422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827910879311188,0.0,0.0,0.12832111608691574,0.0,0.0,0.12858419861486084,0.1468974203354256,0.0,0.0,0.1656352282796322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422394162763295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472027569478586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720138945145834,0.31018173999413784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444112159064153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheeAltster,2018/02/03,"Am I even allowed to feel like this? Like, what would happen if I was gone? It's not like this would be the first time I have tried and I wrote a note a couple months ago, so that's done, although I may want to edit it. I got out of a psych ward a month ago for mania and whatnot, did all the aftercare, met all my appointments for therapy, psych, am taking meds (maybe drinking a touch more caffeine than I should but no booze or weed or narcotics).

But suicide is just such a pesky act... All the painless ways are so inaccessible. I live in the city, so no garage, no carbon monoxide. Besides, that takes a while and is easy to get caught. It is not easy to find a firearm especially since everyone knows I am mentally ill. High speed car crash? I can see that backfiring and maybe killing someone else, although my mind is trying to convince me into it. I have almost done it before but backed out last second. No to pills/poisoning (tried many ways, absolutely horrific and would not recommend) or hanging (sounds rather traumatizing). 

Besides, what is suicide anyway? Was I even supposed to be here? My parents were separated for years, got together for a month, bang bang, then separated... Somehow I was born. How?

I can't play music anymore, it traumatizes my SO and I turn into a monster. Tried writing twice today, I see the monster in the writing. Shadows are moving. Tried the gym too.

My mind won't leave me alone. It won't stop. I have no idea what I am capable of and my hands are shaking. I don't want to die but I feel I may have to before I destroy the entire planet. What if I am a demon in human flesh?

Do you guys know anything about this? I don't know where I was planning on going with this and I apologize if I wasted your time, but please be empathetic in that things are off right now...

And before someone suggests, hospitalization is not an answer. Then I can't pay bills and rent and I end up without insurance and a place to live.

I can't jump off a bridge either, I hate heights although it seems romantic

It's nice to type",1.897822933456137,4.3074852524752485,3.2330969376007386,88.61703776191574,81.37623762376238,6.035367257655999,23.999309233248912,7.3071595529392575,1.0853577711259499,1598,59,322,23,43,519,212,404,0.166,0.7140000000000001,0.12,-0.9857,3,1,1,1,0,4,65.0,0,2,0,2,18,10,3,1,22,0,45,5,2,2,3,66,68,34,4,10,19,1,4,3,0,8,1,1,1,2,22,17,2,1,9,3,3,9,17,4,0,3,14,7,41,6,33,43,5,48,1,0,2,0,11,17,0,11,23,226,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778782536139378,0.0,0.09476971593524533,0.09801997365338436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385886241640212,0.0,0.0,0.07788182857555534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277341374596746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415986453085324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471893634803664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822285690916918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937020725862179,0.0,0.09271256586246826,0.0,0.0,0.07906076623422596,0.0,0.0838242112420301,0.0,0.0,0.12501953689085518,0.0,0.0,0.09043393709259023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570709599381462,0.0676118527328171,0.0,0.0,0.08650054762343075,0.08050194752233142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049446238237346465,0.0,0.05378690268293155,0.0,0.1513867860203543,0.0,0.0,0.09370988997999943,0.08369109932500722,0.0,0.0,0.09343881323991177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999938613953076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683864871917603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470671416305664,0.0,0.15603735582308895,0.07714539277245512,0.0,0.10021160363937942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871105879086112,0.0,0.1671402238845022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595155011077937,0.19016006361394108,0.0,0.10512528748600647,0.0,0.09537629622076804,0.0,0.19112171946680007,0.0,0.2266256468476413,0.10058885677598192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508810209809807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988801454357642,0.10388786406010538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082325960202677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083392447634625,0.08615799858507231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782883645288902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037874409061212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912446883143401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704471544569364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231714624308575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823071725342978,0.0,0.06287555723978312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037235168505896,0.0,0.08970900450667675,0.0,0.0,0.3212765748053559,0.10294269313007033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164392875352697,0.15024391549981764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091230956146469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169165818562515,0.0,0.0,0.06094597458102696
suicidewatch,LegendJ1998,2018/02/03,"I finally have hope for once I've had suicidal thoughts forever now due to my life situation, but the other day I was thinking about the fact that even though it feels like the world is ending sometimes, it really isn't. And if anyone out there is reading this I want you to know as well, when you think that you can't possibly go on anymore just think of the fact that you have made it through 100% of dark days this far. 

As long as there's life, there's hope. Life is still gonna suck for me for a while at least but I have to remind myself that everything is temporary. Shout out to you guys on this subreddit for being there for me in the past. I wouldn't be here today without you all. ",4.432206682206684,4.705164,4.964708624708628,87.76791763791763,69.83916083916084,8.873038073038073,26.378399378399376,8.841846274778883,1.5701536907536902,544,15,122,9,9,174,91,143,0.046,0.861,0.093,0.6871,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,0,13,5,1,0,6,0,14,3,0,1,3,22,27,10,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,11,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,4,2,15,4,23,19,2,21,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,3,13,88,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490593113863553,0.11626744284261732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447479597892288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727548630946358,0.0,0.0,0.1098269391442394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494425142268654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407659849645006,0.11879107890151755,0.0,0.1821525533017178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450124411951087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464419305971034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33030882402049844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913836114919729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523472646847952,0.08123642854186715,0.0,0.0,0.14715332767072492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733896929861402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708368802591062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873389499680712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874566843760624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632585697235786,0.0,0.10652377614680064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690665242257748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445602135184273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279210879944872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188427128187398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196381809811582,0.16337009972368524,0.13200842830206913,0.0,0.0,0.1576148116313454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807675883283727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950646177872112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602888143397359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LookinForLuve,2018/02/03,"My best friend got used to me being suicidal So my best friend 'got used to me being suicidal'. I tell him I'm hurting last night and he doesn't even reply. I tell him I'm planning on killing myself, he doesn't care either. I mean I don't expect anyone to understand my depression, but... ugh I don't know. I just feel so alone.

I really thought he cared. This hurts. I've been crying ever since. 

I want to die.",-0.4853875968992263,1.7441425930232557,1.886395348837212,94.30269379844962,94.0,5.192248062015505,16.468992248062015,6.816661863887847,-0.006849612403100558,317,8,70,5,12,107,53,86,0.311,0.511,0.17800000000000002,-0.9358,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,11,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,14,21,4,4,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,16,6,5,15,3,4,0,3,0,0,9,1,0,0,3,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899846280299834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734343163649868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222155692119089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31304388816257644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863243463109104,0.0,0.0,0.13222492276038209,0.0,0.15932756027768574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139726346122307,0.13886591912072535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762336886646427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372154211637049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455649126272918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286886227144245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698450425619363,0.0,0.0843695381359961,0.12513774903193312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722622662187492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440663461641567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834763200179776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699176659107925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358477895919417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683631885758132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187623080406094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981776609680734,0.0,0.2651807121828932,0.0,0.0,0.09054895850038497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImportantHold,2018/02/03,"Would it be wrong or manipulative to send my mother the /r/offmychest thread that the mother posted about her son killing himself? Warning: the thread is extremely sad. It's about a mother who found her sons reddit account a year after he killed himself and she posted from the same account in great detail how it's absolutely destroyed her.

https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/7mp789/my_son_used_this_account_to_write_his_last_words/?sort=new&sh=8bc13258&st=JCK1Q9K8

I only want her to see it so she can understand my pain. It's just so relatable. I don't want to kill myself. I don't EVER want her to go through the shit this mother is going through. But I don't know if sending this to her will make it worse or better. I just want her to ""get it"" because she keeps saying things like ""other people have it so much worse in Africa! How can you be depressed?"" which shows that despite my best efforts I simply can't get her to understand my mind state.",7.242129870129869,10.125857684848489,5.24036796536797,78.48340909090909,66.0909090909091,6.411255411255411,25.119047619047624,7.1686216300943375,1.1090865800865801,798,22,128,7,14,227,97,165,0.187,0.6940000000000001,0.12,-0.9481,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,0,3,10,13,5,0,7,0,13,2,1,4,1,24,28,10,3,6,6,6,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,16,1,0,1,4,1,2,4,4,9,0,0,1,2,25,4,15,23,3,12,0,2,1,0,25,2,1,3,4,92,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965693147882621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342684418495587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362312829155394,0.12103902151343965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787485683204715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379512117295514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005679351144993,0.0,0.0,0.14300441742170286,0.0,0.15555813662040946,0.0,0.0,0.15088548343991312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164491701251998,0.4542364553746557,0.0,0.07521310673623073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686148720798081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135320574691644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381867009669744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006057471792147,0.0,0.0,0.1321774816378463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408602436316758,0.14562564942760395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948795111192846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621426246042477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883429325394138,0.0,0.0,0.1090574241140016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048189072450806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090921804708178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28494622503229405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32288755543813075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789382417478484,0.09721938785044508,0.1496318018094055,0.0,0.08813151313273081
suicidewatch,Louschiwe,2018/02/03,"Help Hi, I need some advice or anything to direct my thoughts away from suicide.
Idk how much information you need and was just called to stop selfpitying and do sth... I just don't know how.

So here is some info
My mom and  I were abused by my biological dad until I was 2 years old.
Until I was 6  he stalked us, threatened to kidnap me (take me to Iran/according to islamic law the child belongs to its father until 18), kill my mom and me or hire someone to do so (he used to be in the iranian army). So my mom was in constant fear, tried a lot but due to coliding (international) laws etc there wasn't much she could do to protect us.
Everything was kind of normal afterwards except my wild and angry outbreaks as a kid which lead to a difficult relationship between my mom and me, which we have until today. She married a very kind and caring man though, I was adopted and got two siblings.

Due to self hate and low self esteem I started anorexia when I was 13 and went to hospital several times and lived away from home. The longest and last stay at hospital was for about a year when I was 16. Before I started therapy I wanted to study physics. Due to the many missing months at highschool while being in hospital and my stepfather (biology prof) telling me I wouldn't make it/I am not the right person for that career I gave up on that. 
Since that I kept a normal weight, kept living at a foster home and later got my own appartment. I finished school but missed a lot of classes due to anxiety.
I ended up studying social work since I did a lot of charity stuff during school and thought I could profit from my experiences. I passed all exams. One of my flatmates sexually molested me during that time though and it got physical so I used to sleep in front of my door since my other flatmates thought I was overreacting and I started doubting my own perception instead of seeking help.
When I moved out same thing happened to another girl, she consulted a lawyer though and they forced that guy to move out.
However I moved to another flat, felt kinda burned out/started struggling with depression (I was working with disabled people and felt like I couldn't really focus on their needs anymore). The guy I used to live with got angry/jealous every time I brought a friend home and finally changed the lock so I couldn't get in anymore. This time I consulted a lawyer. I was staying at several friends places during that time and one of the guys came in at night and started having sex with me. I didn't want it, I didn't do anything against it though. I was just shocked and scared and frozen  and didn't know what to do. I stopped focusing on my studies and finally changed my city and subject (I secretly still wanted to study physics but yeah... low self esteem + missing education) but now I basically don't do anything anymore and suicidal thoughts are taking over. I have been to hospital for a few days to get some medical treatment two weeks ago and was suggested to stay but refused to.
I didn't take part in any exams though and slept for most of the past two weeks. My bf can't deal with my depression and suicidal tendencies anymore and we basically broke up yesterday. I am just so scared of people, I don't want to reach out for help. I also don't really want to hurt myself but at the same time suicide is very comforting. What should I do?

Thank you for reading.",3.955751997022362,5.749476033383917,4.891111747358778,82.14199415924644,72.42943854324734,8.190580353308329,29.732900048672942,8.841846274778883,2.4583135740258264,2682,114,513,53,53,873,302,659,0.166,0.7709999999999999,0.063,-0.9968,1,0,0,0,1,4,65.0,4,2,2,3,27,28,3,5,23,1,50,5,2,7,1,111,97,63,5,16,14,6,3,1,3,2,1,0,4,11,18,43,1,6,12,1,1,9,14,19,0,5,39,3,80,9,87,50,17,87,1,9,0,1,49,29,0,11,47,348,98,20,0.0,0.06220040085351895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129949399916312,0.04653545310786158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041981859084027816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03569978328673945,0.11009543479685176,0.04016008728188037,0.0,0.2082518052226065,0.0,0.0,0.12960175771368598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864538298745792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467110930312255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360534118432608,0.060042621470623274,0.053524224857038435,0.0,0.1110698021239147,0.0,0.0,0.056730643788139676,0.0,0.08382921977482333,0.0,0.0,0.03385624392719044,0.05412213686654474,0.09043123683482662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649679013546006,0.0,0.05854806981967594,0.0,0.0,0.044231015282298704,0.0,0.047180949086946346,0.05135217259519468,0.0,0.05907375823918176,0.0,0.0,0.10081077045464644,0.11501586931733587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111815641217228,0.0,0.054855067008541716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679466949840097,0.0,0.0,0.15594095155048765,0.046422953748828634,0.0,0.0,0.05182995253218925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556296580229163,0.0,0.15797641619836478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619916061411962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058080189984205076,0.10933516479764044,0.05770199388694393,0.042792089355920215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025647399060890273,0.0,0.1390675283071705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389330286054232,0.0,0.0,0.03504217780849953,0.05322375269110779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288523873763574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459355667290487,0.04190263164883858,0.16738811713865195,0.0771827206803849,0.1167776564616861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049264910116485684,0.10287189419273413,0.0,0.0,0.055086806180031575,0.0,0.07114669767834701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684917197041394,0.050114359069520414,0.07278966669733329,0.04583838514109416,0.05484822705477747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525112403940324,0.0,0.06726188842489324,0.0,0.0,0.056362167996959416,0.0,0.044832180155307495,0.0,0.0,0.10511737833331264,0.10625960208276138,0.0,0.0,0.1642975667659918,0.11861341135620235,0.0,0.13027826692115654,0.0,0.052534946681171715,0.05351411500575722,0.04448056650744124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578835415664915,0.16786455971769348,0.04192419912652085,0.08777974208936526,0.0,0.054881298213765806,0.06009654406866255,0.22969293811636735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841370858419202,0.0,0.045884721573685096,0.04833221566321078,0.060034933484942425,0.0,0.034876696676418364,0.0,0.2578903465747124,0.1667071239262667,0.18366865600105428,0.0,0.04976104986856742,0.0,0.0,0.035642040056975514,0.0,0.15384592215849954,0.0,0.12629493610770512,0.13602174586384636,0.0,0.08663110188761425,0.15482055387799906,0.0,0.08421990812657626,0.06392724456913437,0.0,0.04866527641793415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643693190609525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761273736326454
suicidewatch,NathanFontaine,2018/02/03,"It doesn't feel like the negative thoughts will stop. I don't really know where to start... Other than I'm depressed and have constant thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. I think of just checking to make sure my annuity and will is all in order, then making an exit bag and just ending it... Part of me knows this isn't healthy but the other part just doesn't want to fight anymore.

 I'm in this cycle that doesn't seem to be breaking anytime soon. I think it all started when my best friend killed himself. I haven't been in a successful relationship since. Seems like all the people starts off great then slowly I get depressed and don't really realize it. only for them to leave me, in what in my eyes always seems abrupt but deep down it was coming from miles away.

This last girl seemed like the one she was kind-hearted, nice, supportive, and easy going. When we met I was on top of the world hiking every day, going out and being social. I Loved life, I even ran for city council and lost by 30 votes slowly I stopped hiking, stopped going out and eventually lost who I was. At parties, id go in the other room and just lay on the bed and not talk to anyone. Who would want to date someone who does that I can understand why someone would break up with someone in that situation. At the same time, it made me not feel worthy of life not worthy of love or compassion I want to be needy and reach out and beg for love and affection but I know it's not healthy.

 I've gotten help in the past when this has happened but it all feels like part of the cycle. I get help feel to feel better, get in a relationship fall apart and get broken up with and get super depressed.

I got put on anti-depressants about a mo ago I felt great about 3 weeks into it for about 3 days I could even look at myself in the mirror again and smile without feeling like a POS. Now I'm back to just laying in bed.

I just don't want the cycle to repeat anymore and I don't want to be alone in my house anymore. I want to feel loved.. and not afraid of my thoughts anymore.

Thanks for reading,",3.7513428120063215,4.751374497630337,4.380360189573462,88.71183570300155,71.79620853080569,7.0484676145339655,24.73017377567141,7.1686216300943375,0.8744585150078987,1626,45,345,15,30,518,203,422,0.179,0.6579999999999999,0.163,0.7015,0,1,0,0,1,1,42.0,1,0,1,7,19,28,2,1,17,0,27,7,1,4,5,89,88,28,1,10,18,0,8,5,1,4,2,0,3,1,23,26,0,3,22,1,1,8,17,8,0,1,16,10,33,20,63,63,9,73,0,5,2,4,21,35,0,5,32,221,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060055000687033636,0.0,0.0,0.0701670645342479,0.0,0.0,0.05637221972083197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33594177853849033,0.0473713604659063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365199162618307,0.052094452062878265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109792208131045,0.059918085775789776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058359375817204816,0.0,0.07321211300502037,0.0,0.054091703367555866,0.0,0.0,0.08738441839580201,0.0,0.23340690280406196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928721149506681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060005105291607824,0.0,0.0,0.0894945548963585,0.0,0.05708107422978754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978991278407197,0.14519873013105553,0.06504923111935276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052342360648906204,0.0,0.17697910232277916,0.0,0.15401224591209675,0.0,0.054184703323248734,0.1493860281755562,0.0,0.0,0.059909817850447626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028235637663737,0.0908208481977216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817272907690016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074953731326519,0.07054968801765002,0.11169849172280467,0.05522410944861403,0.0,0.07173593092882888,0.0,0.0,0.09570560698379477,0.16549259385659496,0.0,0.05982320969113819,0.0,0.05689171797916188,0.0,0.14791108782660511,0.0,0.2445828410371741,0.06410531484783644,0.09044536463357536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045908169928525776,0.05152582413400237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009522850205604,0.06467365561853446,0.046968313313562764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810600369326471,0.0,0.0,0.06776688239461559,0.0,0.08680291016411604,0.0,0.0,0.14547317418118266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467029370253937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604229955829716,0.07615220726382378,0.0,0.06906111359843659,0.17220937632040054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385831435648566,0.0,0.0,0.16992246081495316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688025017997463,0.06385220535522129,0.0,0.0,0.0544537171557004,0.0,0.06237376131553396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682106884912022,0.0,0.1613543401853223,0.0395047235518964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052862845176229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27971894519095586,0.0,0.05434379921777308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061132527566699686,0.0,0.0,0.06530718331028043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625325035605874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nbangulo27,2018/02/03,"Writing this feels wrong and necessary I’m 22 (Male). I compare myself to others constantly and I can’t stop. I truly do not need any other friends. I have 2 close ones (my gf counts). But my stupid ass self still wants them even though in reality I don’t want more friends.. they tire me out. I’m disgusted by the culture I live in (North East, Minneapolis). Disgusted how vain people are including myself. Nothing feels real here. I don’t feel real. It’s hard living with myself knowing that I’m a mediocre human being in almost every aspect. I don’t understand people. I can’t stand social media. I want out. There’s a really easy format and layout in order to be a person other people are interested in (and I’ve used it most of my life) but it doesn’t feel authentic. It’s a lie. I want out. I feel so alone in the way I think. 

I need advice. Literally been depressed the past 6 years. ",0.7487345154238518,3.2270675363128483,3.2664464415836783,85.5054845761477,88.72067039106146,5.794607724070926,18.95579305319407,7.255503002510835,0.7064197716784069,695,20,135,12,23,240,112,179,0.14300000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.071,-0.9149,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,7,9,3,0,7,0,13,3,1,2,0,34,31,9,0,6,3,0,6,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,9,9,0,1,8,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,6,23,3,14,28,2,20,0,1,0,1,12,12,1,2,5,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368094236615416,0.0,0.0,0.14019289628360407,0.14500100442951638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520691912439598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129363031787835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058447781741112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247073706931704,0.0,0.1179586626884632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539489078830237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633211874208969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254152916428509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769420506167505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888834052202186,0.0,0.0,0.24725063107574374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076210716273265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433676476575734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948697340460647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336488149684378,0.29118159575434605,0.1222453198628269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31870839094869874,0.08968958046590751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605378250979553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271554475399967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118066685036814,0.11704887308050972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970834302624976,0.1375523496716642,0.0,0.0,0.16091298542428836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574818020996347,0.0,0.12091774015921145,0.0,0.0,0.33030985837568283,0.11112795609359333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530714282162336,0.0,0.09015741588989458
suicidewatch,ExcellentExcuse,2018/02/03,"How can i find a future after losing the love of my life and catching a life changing STI When i met my partner in 2014 my world lit up and so did hers, we had an amazing relationship. Until i got into gambling and smoking cannabis and i stopped being the man i used to be.
I lost her and it kills me everyday from the minute i wake up to the moment i manage to fall asleep.
the other week i found out she is seeing someone else now and that has sent me into a spiral of depression and anger and i already struggle with the guilt of hurting her and losing her.
To add to all this i have ruined my future and my chances of ever seeing her again by catching Genital Herpes from a one night stand/ rebound sex! This has seriously killed me, i dont have kids and i cant see me ever meeting a good woman again, especially one that will accept the Hepres virus. I could try meeting someone who has the same Herpes virus but nobody will match up to the girl im still in love with. All i can think of doing is taking my own life, i hate my life, im in debt and im full of guilt and upset.
What on earth do i do, im lonely im confused and im suicidal with no family i can go to",2.7153644444444467,3.5421276920000047,4.600266666666666,86.8185777777778,74.08,6.835555555555558,24.288888888888888,6.937597516519254,0.8254622222222223,913,26,198,8,18,313,137,250,0.208,0.731,0.061,-0.987,1,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,3,9,22,4,5,15,0,22,9,2,2,4,37,37,19,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,8,22,0,1,4,0,2,5,3,17,0,2,7,4,36,5,31,25,5,34,0,7,4,3,20,12,0,1,16,144,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089654708698088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630829083599193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802354997124587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655449134022802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177770716439873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394902368132358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180338083115088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473587611859403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184880019216447,0.0,0.0,0.11018541004919423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057112499437423074,0.08428877777279949,0.08037344874075145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921605265237562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757985693787568,0.0,0.6512982412551398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236127590331284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28392476936619443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485196973802332,0.1097000030128398,0.0,0.18139774909992112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430589219614198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619334300014194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789189560062604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402397794937536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029482038861427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025385601814437,0.08401666495393324,0.0,0.10505712444606248,0.0,0.1099230537973144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555824493797461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439186983393483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822816441390236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679370415600235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060943943441885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skeezy_mc_skittles,2018/02/03,The national suicide crisis line doesn't talk to you anymore they just tell you call 911,3.0452941176470567,5.967111470588236,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,81.3529411764706,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.4726705882352946,73,3,13,1,2,22,16,17,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607638925838316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744142436791372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082030964984204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734323666361845,0.4060857556517625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrxBarz,2018/02/03,Do you think that people who don't suffer from depression are capable of truly understanding it? I would really like to know your point of view on this question. Thanks.,4.55182795698925,7.321058806451617,5.188387096774196,76.26924731182797,73.83870967741936,9.29462365591398,23.23655913978495,9.725611199111238,2.5969268817204307,137,4,23,4,3,44,29,31,0.0,0.574,0.426,0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,5,7,0,2,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32168686223753795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052606378948922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824686163149853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25893131956107074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530692912513307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183948917717917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392676092122451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438599171232063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931766266251736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888168329556313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653169697658648,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crookedman99,2018/02/03,"In so much pain.. I'm such a loser in life, nothing interests me, not just now but from the time I was young I wanted this to end.. I like being on bed doing nothing.. stay up all night and sleep in the morning.. I cry for no reason at all and I still am as I type this and it hurts so bad.. I've been so close to hurting myself so many times but I couldn't.. I don't think this is ever going to change.. this world just isn't meant for me.. 
People would care if I die, it's just that I'm still alive!",-1.2681112637362624,0.5569565982142883,1.1503571428571462,102.1600274725275,90.16071428571428,3.803296703296703,13.079670329670328,4.713530739802397,-1.543971978021978,377,5,98,1,13,127,75,112,0.202,0.7070000000000001,0.091,-0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,1,3,20,17,11,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,12,3,13,11,3,19,0,3,0,0,0,8,0,1,10,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564014024680444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098159368829887,0.0,0.19815595533542615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057583126916564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440489037433695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590676661229242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694384432696108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645624907163866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40105224453774974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230714056899512,0.09151335044442953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990946880911225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376991356727734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757837889682206,0.0,0.3594703506120417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931789803465874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298616335596382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925924969436149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874517168309933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965440087672726,0.2991823005255779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200248106938602,0.0,0.0,0.21845144404152053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104840890056803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306422399304232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bipolaralpaca,2018/02/03,Only decision left Rope or gun and the day I feel like I'm not going to make it through this week my finances are in ruins and mostly because of my family that also treats me like shit I don't have any friends and no one likes me and life isn't going to get any better I just wish someone loved me before I leave and maybe I would want to stay but I know that's too much to ask for ,2.33227450980392,2.932272129411768,3.8173529411764697,92.92642156862743,74.76470588235293,6.6078431372549025,21.225490196078432,6.42735559955562,0.09460784313725544,301,6,72,2,6,100,64,85,0.122,0.727,0.15,0.3341,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,0,1,0,5,3,1,1,0,17,16,8,0,3,4,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,0,1,11,7,8,15,2,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,2,5,44,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223462232633973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759163593524539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896555462443299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236673310523816,0.0,0.17262695613801335,0.0,0.0,0.1794215385946256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083400942112824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124725836359865,0.0,0.10257688722419372,0.14492997244929878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673643040672972,0.0,0.1059909121819076,0.0,0.23059076208946203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149174179004667,0.0,0.0,0.21480945082142214,0.22041824619805608,0.0,0.14329268896723746,0.297335291319637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309759517745572,0.0,0.13541693022397067,0.0,0.2038096255802535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491323849503553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374695866196678,0.1542913550021023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824257056369708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189062289387355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162318363372843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965765516233595,0.0,0.16272963233865484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332898504912308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411263352304682,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onlyonepostforsw,2018/02/03,"Anxiety makes the idea of Suicide make sense I have been struggling, like many other people in this community, with daily thoughts of suicide for years. It has got to the point that it has been normalized, in the sense that I don't have to necessarily be feeling like carrying it out to think it. It will sometimes be a great day, and the idea will be there at the back of my mind regardless. It's as if it has a life of its own. It may be fed or not, and it will grab you with a strength proportional to how much you ""feed"" it. But it never goes away. 

I am realizing now that it may feel this way for me, and probably to many other people, because of anxiety. There's a huge difference between being anxious and being worried about a problem. Being worried implies that you acknowledge that something in your life has to be dealt with, and that unless you take action something will happen that will have negative consequences on you. Still, you see that these negatives, though significant, are not significant enough that they will impact your life on the long-run or be completely destructive. 

Being anxious is the natural reaction to a problem that would impact your life on the long-run. For some problems it would be understandable if someone was to become anxious — an accident, a serious illness, loss of a lifetime of savings. But anxiety may be misplaced.

And I misplace it *every fucking time*. After many years of therapy and self-introspection, I have come to terms that life has tragic, illogical, just plain-painful aspects to it. But how am I to muster the courage to fight these things if every single time I will feel like it's the end of the world? This then turns life from something that has ""bumps"" during its course, with one or three major scares thrown in for good measure, to a an unending series of panic experiences that becomes sheer torture. 

*This too shall pass.* Now, that isn't true to people who suffer from anxiety, is it? It goes from one crisis to the next, because guess what: Life is *filled* with problems people with anxiety can blow out of proportion.

I am just tired of being afraid. I sometimes wish that the choice on wether I live or die would be taken away from me, truly taken away for an instant, so that I would know wether I really want to die. I have never taken true action because I am lucky to have too many people that love me and let that be known almost daily either through action or their words. But I can't help but to feel like because of my anxiety, the idea of suicide makes sense. And every time I do, I feel like I'm spitting on the faces of those who love me.
 ",5.966792168674696,6.785577554216868,6.0942344377510045,79.08846009036145,66.63052208835343,9.036244979919678,31.024347389558233,9.103633062298675,2.5775118473895566,2074,77,383,35,32,659,218,498,0.146,0.7709999999999999,0.083,-0.9683,0,0,3,0,1,4,65.0,0,9,2,2,15,31,4,4,27,0,59,16,2,5,4,83,88,29,5,15,19,0,6,5,0,15,9,0,0,0,51,18,2,0,15,0,0,6,9,16,0,3,9,7,34,15,69,48,8,42,0,3,1,3,17,18,1,15,22,292,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297098466754121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28864451331262103,0.21312895906421506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724966807902506,0.04835525226574679,0.0,0.15333825339585705,0.13890471804048388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417049662613428,0.06593450181712661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055609981773467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053093924341047,0.06570221363134908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055698100060754915,0.064977779718077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589518442760271,0.0,0.0,0.061514320433982125,0.0,0.0,0.15898459795213996,0.17970234055323844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813685319546511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274557502099664,0.05029547090691824,0.06933175022829742,0.06927573228325277,0.0,0.05560965209609454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042150985869754035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129710375514794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03456035803608136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430492967064251,0.3109264048265031,0.15361398012958166,0.0,0.055529260437753934,0.1113038017970602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351367093707515,0.0,0.12593015906507116,0.25502507974092553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349667057354798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622825454072433,0.0,0.09700271876289752,0.0,0.0668796977898208,0.0,0.061614673179521025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522600968230562,0.0,0.0669148610109265,0.07378286626431715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798526991249026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059447350657849236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780146373537099,0.240692640657308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028621525110325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295959612992702,0.0,0.05011179284337528,0.0,0.06560354156929109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532828833317918,0.14523754464598815,0.12439120945900405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022063310420101,0.0,0.0,0.0657418292847542,0.0,0.2063603779935577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728225016589197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191532410395289,0.0,0.04177849128106331,0.04029464290279571,0.06178492014770976,0.049924253062603376,0.11000754192028996,0.07227790713063548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840162689902315,0.0,0.06546627300399831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709163869693419,0.04991577322968307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231549736072566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772704279735833,0.0,0.17868890133434853,0.0,0.0,0.0809927093906778
suicidewatch,SubstantialBasket,2018/02/03,"Disgusting Pile of Unwanted Shit So today my sister is moving out due to our mom pretty much seeing as a bad mother. My mom also claims she provide much, which isn't true. (My sister has two kids and she's a single parent. She's moving in with the babies father. Moreover she pays rent and provides groceries EVERY MONTH!!! ) So while my mom in I were in the car to drop off donations, she just told me that I have to go soon too. She says my 400 dollars per month isn't enough and that I'm 26, etc. I just feel like a shit failure. I'm still in college and I have been unable to find a job since coming back studying abroad in Japan. I've always felt like a damn failure and burden to her. I'm in my last semester and I feel like giving up. Just fucking ending it all. I'm also fat and feel so damn ugly. I feel that killing myself would her happy as hell. All she'll have are youngest two ""angelic"" son and daughter.
If I can just sleep for fucking ever I would. I don't even see myself living past 30 anyways. ",1.2212857142857132,3.2759096047619067,2.9195238095238096,91.94214285714285,81.52380952380952,4.9523809523809526,19.52380952380953,5.916634753146586,-0.07633333333333381,787,20,165,5,21,260,126,210,0.212,0.7140000000000001,0.073,-0.9861,3,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,1,0,0,0,16,16,9,0,7,0,15,6,4,0,4,29,32,17,1,4,5,10,5,3,0,3,1,1,1,1,5,11,1,0,6,0,4,5,3,11,0,2,4,8,28,5,19,25,7,27,2,0,2,2,24,9,7,1,15,108,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857326511459985,0.0981043727353517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065978895154092,0.09844371063749592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015626133958635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442667052503,0.12182485913641836,0.13149251763667485,0.07787352719847067,0.10664961321884174,0.09933798970672693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23846030239154206,0.16845922113196246,0.11320494469588432,0.0,0.10776080148043758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799802892316414,0.0,0.1131028764573665,0.06700674043701642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550946474349722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700009555835733,0.0,0.1304417110480549,0.0,0.0,0.09610632052728277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728037021751105,0.0,0.10411011826088702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142581507623481,0.1882173929244144,0.25062351913352754,0.1733438914650839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091683716787966,0.0,0.112551331992588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994928761226906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376084590815514,0.0,0.0,0.1879061467075392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420505617356023,0.09753021385428387,0.0,0.11798770521883585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415713464212072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175783843284136,0.11266094620063732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303473333400829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750918797739595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Lady_Deadpool_,2018/02/03,"I'm surprised I'm not dead yet The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I don't have the energy to. I constantly want to die. Every damned waking moment I want it all to just end. I'm done with everything and unfit for this world. But I lack the energy even to end it all :/ Every aspect or my life is misery with n prospects to change it. I can't even enjoy anything because I'm slowly going blind but am too poor to do anything about it. 

I just want to die. I'm planning on hopefully ending it this month since most of my pain has associations with February, but that's what I've been telling myself each month for the last few years. My goal is to die this month. But... Every goal I've had in life has only ended in failure and even more crippling pain. 

I prefer to be drunk so I can be numb to my constant pain. I'd like to be literally anywhere but here- physically and consciously. 

I'm ready to die ",1.696198830409358,3.6777311578947414,3.61824561403509,87.92216374269009,79.52631578947368,6.3274853801169595,21.08187134502924,7.3871296695380915,0.6747836257309943,720,20,151,10,18,243,102,190,0.28,0.625,0.096,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,10,2,0,4,0,18,9,1,1,2,27,29,10,6,6,9,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,10,7,1,0,3,1,1,1,4,6,0,0,3,1,15,4,22,23,7,18,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,3,14,95,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212706792543049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491429600003962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706332780170793,0.0,0.0,0.23916772419433396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45938934047423996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324333023646915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920467224228624,0.0,0.0,0.2192691360466457,0.0,0.27970680105565265,0.0,0.0994538353962132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289047816159947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991008677819022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242860235442073,0.0,0.0,0.0902024544529819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632448836288831,0.05406275740325221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649826367200873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832343159555832,0.3532492838009682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377663903008195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915388772009349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672148684802356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958099382819724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126124190530479
suicidewatch,I_Am_Otis,2018/02/03,"Depression and Divorce Hi everyone. I am having a tough time right now. I have suffered from depression for quite a long time and my wife has been my main support system for the past 12 years. The other night she told me that she wants a divorce. I am devastated about this but also very, very scared. We have two young kids and I really hate that they are going to have to go through this too. They are keeping me going right now. 

Has anyone else dealt with this that might have some advice? I am feeling hopeless and can only see things getting worse. Thank you in advance. ",2.879778869778871,5.316243513513513,3.2283374283374293,89.89002457002456,77.82882882882883,5.838165438165437,22.703521703521705,6.980632752743323,0.7272450450450451,454,14,88,5,11,140,77,111,0.228,0.718,0.054000000000000006,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,2,1,11.0,1,1,2,2,5,9,1,1,5,0,15,0,0,0,0,12,27,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,1,2,2,15,2,9,24,2,17,0,4,1,0,12,3,0,2,9,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854245047783592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792973095899688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059987305745665,0.17672298736681932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29710823767836503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408233526978792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480908881326714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872095133243783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011207220578377,0.0,0.2940678258490245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028525092406566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330541171989262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263664705427565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297075628156415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185790592278124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117647009977287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464873672712876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834504354881641,0.0,0.0,0.11049313175567806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945886953100395,0.0,0.0,0.17267948619913595,0.0,0.1374417749258458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572476536753527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879357533299804,0.0,0.0,0.1145860020083559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011453586585303,0.0,0.0,0.16480908881326714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684848893898701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846230452092135,0.10173135639645674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576871704049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106948188324084
suicidewatch,living-in-shadows,2018/02/03,"Meeting with a counselor... Decided to meet with a counselor and find out if I really do have a problem and need help. Don’t really know what to expect or what to say though... hell, chances are I’m just overreacting about this and I’m just wasting her time with this meeting...",2.8972222222222186,5.08792316666667,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,76.5925925925926,7.282962962962964,27.46666666666667,8.238735603445708,1.9218711111111109,217,9,43,4,5,70,36,54,0.181,0.74,0.079,-0.7759,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,17,8,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,8,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,1,2,1,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549240827684792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602875784553744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341450782571805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879397446547113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715767454544584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49754477606968606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088134254419945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815295637449319,0.0,0.2264367495993077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gilbezr,2018/02/03,"I can't live with myself I lost my dream Job (stock broker),my girlfriend, my reputation, my friendships, my dad and my best friend died and I'm currently in a severe depression. It's so bad that I don't shower or brush my teeth routinely. This is the worst I've ever been. I haven't been eating or sleeping and all this happened in the blink of an eye. I'm unemployed and in a severe depression it's hard for me to do the little things around the house I can barely take care of myself. Everyday I wake up is a nightmare. I worked so hard to get that job I went to a prestigious university and graduated with a bachelors and a MBA. I was in the top 10% in sales in the company I had an amazing girlfriend that loved me dearly and I loved her. My dad and best friend died on the same day. My reputation was awesome in the community I coached kids and was apart of many civic organizations. It's hard to believe that it is all gone and the worst part about it I'm so deep in depression that I can't move forward it's like I'm stuck. I want to move but I feel unmotivated. I know God is with me but I can't feel his presence. I really feel like ending it all I can't live with the mistake that I made it haunts me everyday. I really want to end it all. Suicide has never crossed my mind in the past as I was loving and living life. I can't believe that I'm so close to it.",1.6226472148541116,3.362818055172415,3.7337931034482783,88.15936339522548,78.79310344827586,7.220159151193633,23.22281167108753,8.139509932561175,1.1722679045092843,1076,35,241,20,26,368,133,290,0.151,0.701,0.14800000000000002,-0.2583,6,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,5,7,20,0,0,19,0,21,9,4,1,6,37,44,20,3,3,4,2,6,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,20,17,1,0,4,2,1,6,8,8,0,0,12,8,40,12,29,32,10,32,0,4,1,3,12,18,0,2,12,160,60,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471673487797536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883784560161344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23974811356359715,0.22331617260060974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847980302668772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686178769006899,0.0,0.2749212002276683,0.0,0.2208485520301214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887166708441996,0.0,0.0,0.18847400961864325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624303890266536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139400416331706,0.07601071810568845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644055874323107,0.0,0.05558853846082228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940873574916935,0.0,0.28593499867838856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276895124468575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116709959992933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847353182434448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515201999714087,0.1039613298727247,0.10663869956133558,0.2818540225190456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614593314293553,0.0,0.2880849169635729,0.10067631469456867,0.0,0.10787082342049592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743160078509596,0.0,0.0,0.2261683692410202,0.0,0.0,0.08206065974068477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152186135166391,0.1015688842797952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363225049409747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403988013766122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647479124102872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638209030601268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999801844979337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068607150845789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551253742787832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863196737846064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745897618587534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thraway1357,2018/02/03,"Everything is falling apart I’ve been dealing with depression and thoughts of suicide for a while now, I wrote my suicide notes last year and gave myself till August this year to try turn my life around, but as of now I’m ready to just do it now.

My best friend and woman I love told me she doesn’t want to speak to me anymore as I said something hurtful to her when drunk, I have no motivation to do anything and with the way things are looking I won’t get into university. 
My dad called me a mistake and I’ve never felt any kind of love from either of my parents and now the only person I ever felt close to has left me, I have nothing left, no one would care, it would probably make some people happy if I died and I am worthless.
I just wanted to tell someone",4.415696202531648,4.729559936708863,5.209974683544306,85.85116455696203,69.8860759493671,7.5858227848101265,28.458227848101266,7.1686216300943375,1.3924562025316458,602,20,127,5,10,196,103,158,0.177,0.623,0.2,0.8608,1,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,11,0,0,4,0,13,4,0,2,2,31,30,14,3,6,5,2,2,0,1,3,1,2,0,2,4,12,1,0,4,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,8,5,22,7,21,19,3,21,0,3,1,2,17,6,0,2,13,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420700538060728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738724110416792,0.0,0.0,0.11400063121022275,0.1233234983687904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538155101585834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145740395171805,0.0,0.1412433486948594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282115939035492,0.11931803544362027,0.0,0.1437750999394384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531078342608926,0.0,0.0,0.12450428308754208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660262870047084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703004183816724,0.0,0.07237763253799355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747066472828196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830215029138696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426051799321207,0.0,0.11292266285823699,0.0,0.0,0.30103242815029,0.0,0.0978497625310753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633260097683715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25006239100197697,0.0,0.09247167151795392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684497993633248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329258885540202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387336159945403,0.1053603820011042,0.0,0.0,0.15382419995757132,0.0,0.0,0.09604115054607916,0.12096143444180013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936171119423378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177634779500896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737833069298988,0.10664926194239294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030646388412913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108371015757552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203498870183864,0.0,0.0,0.10997951160211193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132373958084193,0.0,0.09405462863609393,0.15068382715132728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634203842086724,0.1099608311447023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968193502347096,0.0,0.0,0.17842106943390354
suicidewatch,theregoescongress,2018/02/03,"Can someone talk to me Can someone just talk to me about anything just to keep my mind off wanting to kill myself. Just not feel good messages like ""its gets better"" etc


I'm ftm and dysphoria just hurts so much all the time and I hate having to keep suffering day after day. It's just getting harder and harder. I just hate myself. 
If you know a subreddit that would understand that more you can point me to it, just not ftm because I know it will make me feel worse seeing all the happy and passing selfies


Edit: Thanks for the comments and pms guys, I think the worst part is over for now :)",2.5341448382126366,4.661488254237291,3.1936363636363647,91.27224191063179,77.47457627118644,5.6468412942989215,22.59167950693375,6.574015621080383,0.5084305084745759,466,14,94,4,11,146,74,118,0.197,0.698,0.106,-0.9313,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,1,10,11,3,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,2,29,24,7,1,3,10,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,3,13,5,12,22,7,9,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,1,6,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854155253820674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026274470914864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889602858327727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171496751061369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877599648498441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025036405049146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591673790582096,0.0,0.0,0.1412079136131236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666975966469351,0.0,0.17921668177101688,0.0,0.3324307733998943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022716127102287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29928274062419513,0.18625950374613004,0.0,0.18504665273077106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224959014010645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237805266425224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699902289339211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376005704883385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231170666740767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914958464062692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415687879048124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852927391000555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706342207399729,0.0,0.15499836530887315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787487769020683,0.0,0.0,0.09816896469570337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526315371937498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992999490630429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156779647150866,0.11959433058223527,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MistyDoves,2018/02/03,"I called the suicide hotline and they didn't answer. I'm a college student who can't seem to find herself.  I begged my parents to let me go to the only school out of state that I could afford which happened to be in Utah.  I didn't know that the culture here would be so bad for me.  I have been here 6 months and I hate everything about it.  Iv'e gotten to depressed that I can't even get out of bed.   I just got a new job and I didn't show up yesterday, so I guess I don't have a job anymore.  I haven't eaten in days and my boyfriend, who lives in the other side of the country, doesn't understand why I can't just come home. I finally texted my mom and told her I was suicidal.  I begged her to come home, so I could be with the people I love and see a doctor, but all she did was yell ate me for ruining my life. I don't know what to do. I want to go home and transfer schools, but I can't find a way to tell my mom about my pain. Everyone just seems to be mad at me for being such a failure and they keep saying to just get up and do something, but I can't.",1.7766425722831514,2.3733265296610213,3.5241176470588265,94.52237786640082,76.07627118644069,6.739381854436692,23.628115653040886,6.794906146795322,0.4436294117647064,815,23,205,7,17,274,118,236,0.132,0.8490000000000001,0.019,-0.9761,4,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,0,13,7,2,0,12,0,29,6,0,0,1,36,53,15,2,4,7,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,0,9,14,2,1,8,1,0,4,12,6,0,0,12,3,38,1,28,32,1,20,0,2,1,1,17,9,0,3,5,140,47,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178071908042694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099184208774044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129728527979808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465314412591867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896873811668376,0.0,0.0,0.07660935249003918,0.0,0.1023131584485302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158601092944413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845929546546783,0.0,0.0,0.11350838703949917,0.1067602763965676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012800967273855,0.21714276640895014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412514434145705,0.0,0.13502153646455162,0.0,0.0950067554986068,0.0,0.1308599450475891,0.0,0.10504509699956928,0.0,0.0,0.1172799650079196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574664389729894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357603513580518,0.10558549976856936,0.0,0.0,0.13056712370602916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214702361944379,0.08390448452131506,0.0,0.0,0.10489323937719552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721209470756313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782494797990836,0.09481658642198174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147275677408413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034471123998897,0.1264003244159681,0.0,0.1319015996614691,0.0,0.0,0.08235363092315758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446611932000187,0.0,0.24044248171522156,0.09465979270933736,0.2162828638087529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144990357041848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598727032223654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038271940769732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350838703949917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236639816775306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006508111324912,0.09428951707268107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718898034547823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438459991161924,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreeHelicopter,2018/02/03,"Have a nice time Welp, I guess this is it. I've seen it coming for years now, but it feels strange now. Scary. I guess I'm only posting here out of my own selfishness. I just want someone to know that I existed, but telling my family would kill them. Hurting them will be my biggest regret. 

Have a nice time everyone. Be well.",0.22030303030303244,2.6149070909090923,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,91.72727272727272,5.357575757575758,20.96969696969697,6.937597516519254,0.5674969696969699,252,9,55,4,9,81,48,66,0.292,0.589,0.119,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,7,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,15,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,9,3,4,10,1,9,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,5,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054583273106808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335533907701644,0.0,0.0,0.2304170348440921,0.0,0.12358588771400787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5385114647294995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26165622423279306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704140604223232,0.0,0.13432661347764127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589211069406011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340864015544445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070959237983458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363349320073305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850460547452457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416500573558094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976256328547572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362866262282628,0.0,0.0,0.15739820110471978
suicidewatch,vmp32k,2018/02/03,"I didn't think I'd ever post here ... but things are as they are. Hi, my (real) name is Hendrik. I'm a 30 year old guy from Germany and I wish I could just stop existing.

The first time I ever thought about wanting to die was when I was 11 or 12'ish, I was sent to a therapist but nothing came from it but I didn't kill myself so any *normal* person would call that a success. I don't remember what my reasoning may have been back then but today I would call these ""my top reasons to die"":

 - several chronic auto-immune issues with flares of ↓
 - unforeseeable intense stomach pain and intestinal cramps, probably resulting from ↓
 - weird food intolerances against: gluten (wheat), casein (milk) and fructose; fructose being the only confirmed intolerance but it doesn't seem to follow any kind of pattern, anything can cause huge problems after a few hours -- I always live in fear of eating something that doesn't agree with me, which made me stay at home all the time
 - No trust in anyone whatsoever
 - I've isolated myself for the past 12 years with little human interaction outside my family and I've quickly grown lonely but at the same time extremely fearful of strangers
 - depression
 - never had any kind of significant other
 - no self-confidence
 - huge sexual identity issues (transgender)
 - lack of self-sufficiency (living with- and being supported by my family)
 - aspergers-autism, social anxiety, etc
 
Those, I think, are the biggest issues I have and they are just piling on and on. I tried my best to resolve some of those issues, I really did, but it just didn't work out.

I've been in the  hospital several times for my gastro-intestinal issues, nobody could tell me  what's wrong so they eyeballed some therapy which seemed liked it has worked but at the same time might just as well have been a placebo because the issues ALWAYS come back after a while.  
The most recent diagnosis is Crohns Disease but even that's shaky because it's not behaving completely like Crohns would or some such...  
Personally, I believe that most of my health issues are all autoimmune but no doctor seems to be able to connect the dots.

The second biggest issue I wish I could resolve is my transgenderism. Apparently the law in my country states that I need to commit to a special type of weekly therapy that will take 5 years to complete before I can be diagnosed as gender-dysphoric - which is pretty terrible as I feel like I already wasted all of my youth with being sick but what's five more years.... if only I could find a therapist who is taking on new patients! Sexual therapists are incredibly rare in my region and they are completely booked for years...

I've been to several therapists and a psychologist for my depression but none could help (some even made things worse, made me want to kill myself right then and there), except the psychologist who know what she was talking about... but she had a child - and completely forgot to tell her successor that I exist. 

I keep asking myself, what's the point. So much struggle, so much pain and anger and frustration - but for what? In the end we all just die and become dust so... why do anything?  
I asked someone and they said: ""to have a nice life and bring joy to others"" - I do love to make others happy, it's one of the only thing's I even can remotely feel joy for - but my life hasn't been anywhere close to nice, it's a chore rewarded with death in the end - and I want to take a shortcut.
 
",7.139344710184523,7.314571200622088,7.263461813290743,73.93995838762561,64.05443234836703,10.55943844310874,32.46391492581228,10.281603360665011,3.2865280063889717,2714,97,481,58,37,876,314,643,0.162,0.691,0.147,-0.9262,1,2,1,0,0,2,102.0,1,0,5,9,25,37,4,4,31,0,57,16,2,8,8,116,92,48,6,18,25,0,2,3,0,6,10,1,2,5,34,28,3,3,15,1,0,6,13,17,1,4,23,3,59,20,69,53,20,66,0,3,0,1,31,23,0,15,37,340,93,6,0.05285177613904204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832324921210171,0.0,0.08795382323038947,0.0,0.0,0.10782306041753176,0.0,0.040431464084694384,0.0,0.0,0.036955190741421916,0.0,0.0869850169985124,0.0,0.0988185524493222,0.0,0.0,0.08127950701095384,0.0,0.06443590436381885,0.05837063439240705,0.04497296877707608,0.059545853092302224,0.055464678362458615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793514524156626,0.060448352029247365,0.0,0.054293332786569865,0.0,0.045527125327703366,0.22165632693866066,0.0,0.0,0.2109892132942985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910423146881814,0.05364344025997992,0.16455539823897122,0.0,0.0,0.05409603239981951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408056145061781,0.0,0.0,0.09362197284185797,0.0,0.058943701131108965,0.10472429904859523,0.09561491467810246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964790171253617,0.11894588364966145,0.05344689206817881,0.037757319434015835,0.0,0.0,0.04830556590042866,0.0449556937845268,0.06390857749658171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233156772205932,0.0,0.056261698474794175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617896657532902,0.0,0.0,0.03542543147837282,0.0,0.053014640737884505,0.0,0.052048353317382216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413081837330736,0.0,0.04697708702480727,0.11694531931150046,0.11007398359675477,0.029045953972662693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746615449994345,0.07746212452561609,0.052971364351102834,0.09333817324039967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770079143659399,0.15002888545574164,0.03527897097357816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606738238659655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770427333099827,0.03918892232467587,0.040762547967077324,0.05104457473534955,0.0,0.0,0.051783519121665435,0.0507127046256958,0.0,0.05545904843223197,0.0,0.03581373132653224,0.12058847203795972,0.11247603227844738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045300062783932,0.0,0.09229626467314596,0.0,0.0,0.04996201165514348,0.0,0.05061739196088921,0.053769256889907135,0.056983153730083336,0.05057201197678552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015689197255405,0.03385820114174387,0.10868085664364206,0.05218475285152208,0.0,0.05987075952751762,0.04513512804554324,0.050274142043183936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434281606927873,0.11027185811419624,0.1791223901314252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387572999264087,0.04478113841211415,0.04068787937599578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056332961211641885,0.0,0.044186451398117235,0.0,0.0552521517714037,0.0,0.0,0.0599755692407016,0.0,0.0,0.11921387451558994,0.04248025567086375,0.09238956376370637,0.0,0.1208812241859159,0.24545994259087134,0.10533711486988816,0.0677305681774233,0.0,0.04195840665371655,0.1540914784470021,0.0,0.050097303983834066,0.0,0.0,0.03588288671670861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352004072732767,0.0,0.04239450684874723,0.0,0.047520093992146906,0.0,0.04769050739757761,0.0,0.12155386849042095,0.0,0.0,0.07695344498167682,0.0,0.053860475139239625,0.11263315613291412,0.05778512039722701,0.0,0.17017405509998107
suicidewatch,dudenotrightnow,2018/02/03,"Scared to end things because I have younger siblings and cousins who look up to me. I'm planning on committing suicide through drug overdose. I've considered all alternatives and this seems to be the most effective way for someone in my position. I don't want to hang myself or walk into traffic because I don't want anyone to be traumatized by my death. I'll also be formally creating a will to ensure the process is as smooth as possible for the people I leave behind, and I'll set aside some money to pay for my own funeral to avoid burdening others.

The problem is, I am an international student with family abroad. I'm afraid the stupid press will publish my story online, so it will reach my younger siblings and cousins. I don't want them to copy me. 

How can I ensure this will not happen? I need to figure out a plan in which I can either make my death look like an accident or not have the press cover it at all.",6.691153846153848,6.319073390109893,7.1332747252747275,76.33672527472531,65.0989010989011,10.356923076923078,35.23296703296703,9.888512548439397,3.3502927472527464,735,31,140,14,10,241,111,182,0.206,0.713,0.081,-0.9702,0,1,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,3,3,7,1,3,10,0,17,1,0,3,3,28,28,11,4,5,5,2,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,5,6,0,0,0,5,19,1,26,21,6,12,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,5,2,97,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970427694936466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483821806589688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587225180120481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460962518835674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879550911409412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005272138432748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765662054246768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469977129919336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367509701151167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564059419935258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416518367092746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735104150585727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711970867621532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392349132892827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030563302983021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124592511394345,0.0,0.0,0.19318803286822506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980486196037276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321233196545323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098290835590205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37550090528642543,0.16844243693271274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm_me_kind_words_pls,2018/02/03,"If it wasn't for my mom, I would have killed myself by now I've been having suicidal thoughts for so long. The major reason I never went through with it is the thought of what it would put my mother through. I know she loves me more than anything in the world, she never fails to show it, and I never want to be the reason she has to bury a child. Having to see me go like this would absolutely destroy her.

I've heard people say you shouldn't depend your life on another person because people are temporary. But I haven't much else to hang on to. 

That being said, the fear of ruining my family is slowly wearing off as time goes by, and the more I think about my life. I'm afraid that one day it won't matter to me anymore.",4.675974981604124,4.553300953642388,5.488432671081679,85.59628403237677,69.26490066225165,8.300515084621045,26.049300956585725,7.793537801064563,1.2379927888153053,568,14,123,6,9,186,99,151,0.13,0.815,0.055,-0.8947,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,3,8,2,2,7,0,17,4,1,3,3,21,29,6,2,6,2,2,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,2,9,3,0,0,6,1,0,4,7,6,0,1,7,4,20,2,23,15,4,16,0,2,1,1,14,5,0,2,8,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655485770362565,0.0,0.0,0.1565722960422879,0.0,0.0,0.12991992877505412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624080553604666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181808203547876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188659416345247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883308344122873,0.1776563512324677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972555849556088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466832886617634,0.0,0.08676547758555649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302743491394428,0.07713108953238483,0.0,0.0,0.13971683264866208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424908251972173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849045021245675,0.0,0.0,0.11605830526943832,0.0,0.3652951401041618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698204319926884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189050938746372,0.13785275379947032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871073581425998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32464922446575645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017788531533227,0.1255507163795421,0.0,0.0,0.1258081190647562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269262404297664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116168159920312,0.0,0.2506745824540719,0.0920597803873266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312038210398436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463542476021988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33645545238550706,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackberrivine,2018/02/03,"I can't do anything right My mom has driven me to my breaking point. I moved in with her to mend our relationship and find a better job in a better city. But after a couple of months, I realized how hurtful and micromanaging she is of a person and I have no way out. No money, no car. I'm stuck with her and her substance abuse and I have no friends here. 

Maybe this is how I'm supposed to die, alone, with a mother who hates me.",0.3037362637362655,2.3996106373626382,2.4820769230769244,93.47542307692308,85.48351648351648,4.958681318681318,18.99010989010989,6.2581,-0.12787560439560464,332,9,75,3,10,112,59,91,0.269,0.643,0.08800000000000001,-0.946,1,1,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,0,3,3,5,1,0,5,0,7,0,0,2,0,14,12,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,2,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,2,0,14,3,12,10,0,12,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,2,53,16,1,0.0,0.2559008408407394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369001984651912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773303879221827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38203330537819297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23897762952714185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415301690539932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974016977707269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686551974327926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132354173240424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312109288421628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432670493592956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169808194105199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529530254427887,0.1723930798714608,0.2295524323249109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858530072839602,0.0,0.0,0.20417079773158497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231881563207208,0.0,0.18444563766533414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143477593055115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway92732947,2018/02/03,"Things are bad and I don't have the energy to unfuck my life even though the opportunity is there It's been 10 years of depression already and everything has been terrible for a very long time. I don't think things will ever get better. 

There's this one place that is offering me a job that's actually relevant to my degree and is work-from-home-whenever-you-have-time for 20 hours a week but I don't have the energy to take it. I currently do about 55 hours a week and 8 hours of commuting total. If I could handle that extra load for just 3 months, things will probably get better because then I'd have relevant work experience and be able to have the proper dose of antidepressants.

I really need money to sustain the cost of antidepressants. It's already a lot on the 1-pill/day routine even though the recommended dose is 2-pills/day. But I'm just so tired all the time. I guess it's saving me money on food because I have less of an appetite, but now I'm cold all the time.

If I jumped out my window on this very tall apartment like my parents told me to 10 years ago, I'd never have to deal with this miserable life again. But that's kind of permanent and I'm still holding out and waiting for something to get better. But I don't know if anything will change.",4.657267109178303,5.372525186770432,5.641290913252464,81.54350652323188,69.50583657587549,9.315541313801788,27.56900892652781,9.478462496947786,2.202203662165255,1011,32,208,21,17,334,131,257,0.085,0.843,0.07200000000000001,-0.48,3,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,5,14,11,0,1,15,0,24,6,0,0,5,34,37,19,0,5,10,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,0,14,10,1,2,2,0,3,1,5,4,0,1,3,1,17,7,25,29,6,29,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,5,21,132,31,2,0.1128027095733719,0.0,0.11007917255713028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099992795910763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24896119006256534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282701856513104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418555072143893,0.13752696951806112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992944894080598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933030962310735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006378475432013,0.0,0.0,0.14549683147899314,0.1162946404197906,0.0971568084641157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901025161104145,0.10203650888611576,0.0,0.0,0.10137980180384493,0.11034269510568298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640148417394146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680427997583095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426490208499635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113150315072848,0.0,0.3332638396628538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193928350794606,0.0,0.0,0.11746666347203945,0.06199341913581309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935177948823992,0.05510970601260238,0.0,0.0,0.09982684827817526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590082981621303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003804658084125,0.0,0.0,0.0836417798307122,0.08700040368944557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643803536398637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525405968057007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785482267129847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162039973602867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226430423116087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684103687134916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090084389578495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481359912875666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248233237177312,0.07227942152083583,0.22165617885039765,0.0,0.1973285012627816,0.1296501207056624,0.0,0.10778782305127596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614809810693145,0.0,0.0,0.18096705893041495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424343208640335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528249316628614
suicidewatch,Pawiiranger,2018/02/03,Really wish i could kill myself without hurting those who care That's it. I'm not looking for pity. Just figuring a way to isolate myself so people forget about  me.,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,85.25,5.7,23.625,7.1686216300943375,1.4504125000000003,132,5,22,2,4,44,30,32,0.222,0.521,0.257,0.102,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491977318103146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734553698160401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666492969960965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789213325324701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876105726186624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374437610056777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941185451994952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718575648235431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938537608348506,0.33015414290813816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,razormagnolia,2018/02/03,"Closet Suicidal I’ve been suicidal on and off throughout my life. I’m one of those smiley depressed/suicidal types so not even my partner of 12+ years really knows. He’d probably be completely shocked. I’m successful professionally, have a great personality (not very look-at-me but generally pretty social and quick to laugh), etc.

The last time I really outwardly struggled was when I was a teenager. In my early twenties, I became severely depressed and suicidal, but we were too young and drunk for him to really know what was going on other than thinking I was really lazy and messy all the time. After that, I was always able to be depressed and suicidal almost exclusively inwardly and without many outward symptoms.

We’ve had a baby who just turned a year, and honestly I think I’m the lowest I’ve ever been in my adult life. It’s starting to show, but mostly as new-mom-frustration, not depression. My husband mostly just finds me annoying when I’m like this.

I tried going to therapy the other week, but I mostly smiled the whole time and made light of everything. I didn’t even tell her I was depressed or suicidal. I just talked about all the stressors in my life and she actually complemented me on how together I was despite it all (I’ve got a lot of family drama going on right now that I won’t get into).

I just can’t get myself to admit feelings anymore, not even to myself. Honestly its sometimes difficult to feel my own feelings. I think I’ve numbed them out a lot over the years.

When I do feel, I just think about suicide and how I should have just done it before I had my daughter because of the traumatic effect suicide has on children. I will never tell her about my suicidal thoughts because my mom was constantly talking about suicide when I was a little kid. To this day, whenever she gets upset she talks about not wanting to live because I’ve done this or that. I never want to do that to my daughter.

Not that I would ever tell anyone outside of anonymity, but I almost regret having my daughter because now I can’t kill myself anymore.

I just wish I could get myself to talk to someone. I feel very alone. Today I just really wish I could end it but I could never leave my daughter to be raised by whoever while my husband has to work all the time.",5.277503770739064,6.335646599547513,6.334280542986424,75.8906214177979,68.29864253393666,9.332247360482654,31.47541478129713,9.558583805096642,3.0264223831070893,1815,74,324,38,30,606,208,442,0.242,0.675,0.083,-0.9982,1,1,0,0,0,4,47.0,1,0,1,3,29,18,2,2,16,0,37,6,0,4,9,82,69,28,10,10,23,7,5,1,1,4,5,0,1,5,18,14,1,0,15,3,0,3,14,12,0,1,20,6,60,6,45,38,12,49,0,5,0,0,31,16,0,9,31,241,78,4,0.0587181970597075,0.0,0.057300490128518365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175955850586098,0.06081434367216674,0.0,0.0,0.04885824377037007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646534686601832,0.0410571286502316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431762716999868,0.0,0.04996486089824512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061564912456654165,0.06345351099987473,0.0,0.1406451072269886,0.0,0.0,0.037868379468268105,0.0,0.20229558834763628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017820422932254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052006894110658765,0.0,0.06548631117598791,0.11634844612029364,0.10622794184145844,0.0,0.0,0.05277212934606206,0.0,0.05535429040217983,0.0,0.14844842358902055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366736834274097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271133783794873,0.0,0.10011271365124208,0.0,0.04696230619803232,0.06473701955177308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496298522189611,0.0,0.06453997098099852,0.04786316761702567,0.0,0.06217409244787892,0.0,0.0,0.12442319725998358,0.02868674511267597,0.0588510592776835,0.051849243770961034,0.0,0.049308496974332254,0.0,0.0,0.09984022271513142,0.0,0.055560577804504636,0.0,0.05953103563308895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754008545170654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586128030341774,0.05671040061651082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397889699665419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051270464806094734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973751598261477,0.06330814769600451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808190300907504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501450194582122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633484920716655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059855807345452434,0.049751737820938564,0.0,0.05807379831246182,0.0,0.041561042099762635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138500865422295,0.0,0.6422817723429187,0.0,0.0,0.061030689541141776,0.0,0.18878185036327869,0.1539668770184509,0.0,0.06714937567939172,0.0,0.0,0.1504969989559174,0.0,0.04661568957914925,0.13695621161899124,0.0,0.05565798507403117,0.0,0.0,0.039865801439857664,0.06386853704621805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689732408265443,0.06926702792368546,0.0,0.047100195854250036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555677006945658,0.13504605757455015,0.056602246601809576,0.0,0.04274754678981881,0.0,0.0,0.04171172248383987,0.0,0.0,0.11343778126421912
suicidewatch,HeirloomBallslinger,2018/02/03,"maybe life just sucks for some people I'm a 29 year old guy, and I've been depressed all my life. I've always felt uncomfortable, paranoid, and fearful.. like something bad is always just about to happen. My parents are addicts, and I'm a fuckin addict, too. I've hated every job I've ever had, and I hate being a slave to the monetary system. I have fleeting moments of joy, but they're always quickly crushed by reality (or, at least, my perception of it).

I know that all my problems are my own, and I am responsible for my lot in life, but the joke is getting pretty fuckin old, man. I'm not gonna commit suicide because I'm a fuckin coward, but I envy the people who do. Maybe life just sucks for some people, and if those people want to end their suffering, then I support their decision 100%.",5.8582389937106925,5.5631057672956015,6.7364779874213845,78.2316352201258,66.79874213836479,8.827672955974844,31.50314465408805,8.167268648758528,2.257420125786164,623,22,120,7,9,208,98,159,0.212,0.653,0.134,-0.8989,2,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,2,0,7,16,7,1,7,0,10,9,0,0,4,28,25,12,1,3,9,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,12,0,0,3,1,14,4,12,20,7,11,0,2,0,3,6,2,5,5,9,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897651606011796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317548353045397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096745265171913,0.08101570443361059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446812659109748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177115484780318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021728791558085,0.11197549947999984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955147519845394,0.0,0.0,0.1276065708934817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943570578345422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159367793395754,0.1175246238456198,0.0,0.0,0.262426027789564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188453056109706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303935423191864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754898901133336,0.06492910691460878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298835872781965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670354449509513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789161676438192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757172231382926,0.0,0.0,0.3685495000915572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352089108336812,0.0,0.12716907492416082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231429952295353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537299962737962,0.15081538899205907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838892568761405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855844025865206
suicidewatch,use_willsuckformilk,2018/02/03,"I feel like it could happen any minute now My mind is constantly thinking of ways out, a lot of times without a reason. So much has happened, and so many people are out of my life forever. No matter how bright a future I keep earning, all I want to do is escape pain. I’ve overdosed on Tylenol before, and I learned pills are to slow. I already own a shotgun and the thought of not having to put on a fake smile and force feed myself every few days feels good",3.2724772036474192,4.451914606382979,4.083313069908815,89.70500000000001,73.14893617021276,6.222492401215807,26.19452887537993,6.18269132825596,0.8286613981762914,359,12,75,2,7,115,71,94,0.08900000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.154,0.5106,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,0,8,5,0,2,1,22,16,7,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,8,3,12,14,5,12,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,7,50,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326093855057995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433428130628033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936474344156658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778653870642296,0.0,0.16829676643788713,0.0,0.0,0.135940579954909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759766506884034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316111309165967,0.15058672125678224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679865891034172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727976009038271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735772600655345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888553310939778,0.10298018617098678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920410074710505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137055670961507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128354122256931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495315774474885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429289439340305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613359838202755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118997828317264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672478489826646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506419872471778,0.0,0.16734182886536322,0.12291195911561142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432800241147107,0.1673134051902493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319174830938908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VLC_Cat,2018/02/03,"i dunno absurd to say i've been depressed for a decade now (I'm 18); I've been grasping toward faith; the idea that things will be better if i was patient and worked to achieve that; it wouldn't be easy and its painful and i might give up but i must. Now i'm tired and made little progress in these 10 years; family hates me, friends abandon me, my relationship felt alive now is slowly dying. when i try to do the right thing i can't do anything right; i can never make anyone happy not even me and all i cause is problems. I hate myself. I don't know, i've tried suicide countless and failed; i feel no pain cutting myself; ive drunken so much alcohol it doesnt do its mojo anymore. Ive messed so many things, fucked up everything, i can't do shit right for 10 years. all i do is make people unhappy and annoyed. I want to end it yet im afraid of dying. I scared, lonely, cold and confuse. I want to kill myself and i've failed many times, i couldnt even do that right. But now i know how to do it right but im scared; therapy never worked nor did my meds. i hope maybe to find comfort here as a last resort....
I try have many recreationals to distract mel piano, guitar, erollerblading yet they dont do me good. Imscared i really am.",1.536267833981846,3.4227060817120614,2.9115418287937764,93.26098330090794,79.6225680933852,5.528469520103762,21.21416990920882,6.42735559955562,0.1956667963683527,961,27,211,8,24,312,144,257,0.315,0.591,0.093,-0.9972,0,2,1,0,0,3,37.0,0,0,1,7,13,28,7,5,4,0,32,6,1,5,5,41,48,19,4,8,5,0,2,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,13,9,1,1,7,1,0,0,12,21,0,0,6,4,33,7,16,35,3,24,1,5,0,1,5,10,2,5,14,130,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478506997635882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723873247446613,0.06855847265165317,0.0,0.08068636353041106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671679269071002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007238197486282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444986910454147,0.0,0.2035197499730061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491325441165405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684273218319441,0.0,0.0,0.1295215069609355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812054582197605,0.0,0.09243231880678793,0.0,0.049576760593809735,0.0,0.09414287216675762,0.0,0.08961544379190894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575278112718961,0.09064515964674427,0.0,0.09405799074080153,0.0,0.08223924766554984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437548931106724,0.0,0.19360711454307164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738525215894947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106859225999093,0.21182051664930476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847721679825732,0.0,0.10777085443880202,0.07992340857657214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827133242517007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277678393855954,0.13089757179683614,0.29822033438907064,0.09850387633641366,0.0,0.10891086300196576,0.0,0.0,0.10401499829610568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207764580834163,0.0,0.15124359928577893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866310870600302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797516035284007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382010566010472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281300435580177,0.0,0.0,0.10526844210889584,0.0,0.4186685793872564,0.0,0.07797287790114897,0.19632925859623046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064637703142283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725021152588307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121281197063252,0.0,0.1954191431331632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057173437338643926,0.11269344779913305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970747207150105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566424140428774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142762371060185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628129438407626
suicidewatch,hipster-sandy-sven,2018/02/03,"I don’t get it My mom continues to get me help for my mental illnesses and seems to act concerned when in front of people
But when it’s just us she yells and screams at me
Saying my life is too good to be feeling this way all the time and that all my issues were brought on by my own actions
I can’t help but believe her more and more each time it happens 
God I’m so useless why do I do these things to myself",4.387912087912085,3.443761637362641,5.253054945054949,89.8169450549451,69.98901098901098,8.159120879120879,29.18901098901099,6.742157984588678,1.215732307692308,323,10,78,2,5,106,65,91,0.084,0.8140000000000001,0.102,-0.0745,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,2,12,14,9,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,2,4,14,1,10,11,6,13,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772847253259323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444197216955788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571674477728952,0.0,0.0,0.20642764970246105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176366411475976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32992829985344857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568777088490703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738366731054042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480237076821845,0.0,0.0,0.2882442108877636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062355247764138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571869128872987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405175187430826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350633697388978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28702058032496197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29604326597943953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535279967623345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220784245696055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Larwennnnn,2018/02/03,"Why did I wake up? Thursday I took almost 50 tabs of tramadol with more or less 20 tabs of Quetiapine.

I am still super surprised that I am still alive. Why the fuck can’t I do it right????
Whyyyy do I have to wake up??????

Fuck. I lost my family in the name of religion that they follow. I lost my sweet sweet man in the name of love of my Superman. I am being such a bitch I cannot even do it right?

This is how many times? 4? 5? Fuckkkkkk. I have been trying to kill myself since I was 7yo, and I still cannot get it right after 19 years?!!!

Tried to call samaritans. I don’t even know why. Tried to call my gf. Don’t know why. Didn’t find what I don’t know what I’ve been looking for. 

Tell me how to properly slit my wrist so I don’t fuck it up the next time I have the courage to do so. ",-1.6385664596273308,0.26847630857142946,0.8631055900621121,102.4264596273292,94.48571428571432,4.414906832298137,13.8944099378882,6.046907544983943,-1.0577975155279504,594,11,157,6,23,200,92,175,0.14,0.7390000000000001,0.12,-0.6844,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,3,10,13,5,0,6,0,24,7,3,2,0,12,37,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,8,3,25,6,19,28,2,19,0,2,1,4,9,8,4,2,9,97,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622693265891285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574346568975593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651767401047446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188344321514354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521295270403105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34961038129141964,0.06585908718442057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946235067990526,0.0,0.2078313373780072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058553401301446,0.0,0.2752101547828075,0.0,0.1137705132998014,0.0,0.0,0.1278010568547801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406204704808505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229535526105127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427487325293798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020055906573521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017855025438697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700860149327952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005291790045862,0.2567513651758854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549839399090524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117596801205595
suicidewatch,kolleeflowerr_,2018/02/03,"Random chitchat I’d like to get out of my head Last week I got into a fight with my best friend of two years, she’s been with me through thick and thin. As if that wasn’t worse I ended up fighting with my mother, which made me feel twice as shitty and I have never felt as depressed as this in a while. 

Just now did she ask for an apology, however my pathetic excuse of pride/ego kept me from saying sorry as I constantly gave her the excuse that ‘I don’t apologise when I don’t mean it’

I ended up giving a faux-pology (which is something she always does, and I hate her for it) and ironically she wouldn’t accept it. So I’m guessing we’re leaving our friendship there.

I truly feel alone in this world. Nobody is there for me.

Thanks for even reading :)",3.5045629370629356,4.388502801282051,4.615268065268065,87.23276223776224,72.26923076923076,7.4675990675990676,23.7972027972028,7.686295010490155,0.9704307692307697,591,15,126,7,11,194,104,156,0.131,0.662,0.207,0.8807,1,1,1,0,4,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,5,0,9,1,1,1,1,22,24,13,0,2,2,1,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,8,6,23,5,24,15,1,19,0,1,0,0,18,9,0,3,11,87,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009541555503429,0.0,0.0,0.15272265705744076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158812820562055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926172789592676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983450089829336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808550092720236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061990309931007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251296174792741,0.0,0.0,0.12122856154708064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560992730772455,0.0,0.1762302684777887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180503153055202,0.0,0.09589375364045574,0.1760713751262185,0.0,0.0,0.14679627490945915,0.0,0.20219354262786404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121092436344466,0.18836828937442188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496122162723093,0.0,0.19434576165698125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966994304028468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367302659979228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993236714981735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155984141033826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359288300262186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596093034175994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413005329411922,0.0,0.20546160072361205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898193127659886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929504981747207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722729479583252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704621519622106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819581185927874
suicidewatch,Zonexi,2018/02/03,"Where does everyone get their motivation and drive for life from? I've lost my motivational autonomy. Where does everyone get their drive from?
Things are supposed to be better for me now, but I just can't find the energy",4.258170731707317,6.983201097560978,5.387987804878048,74.68978658536588,74.60975609756099,9.953658536585364,24.88414634146341,10.125756701596842,2.9366048780487812,179,6,33,6,4,59,32,41,0.101,0.812,0.087,-0.1484,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,21,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601590828450607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148397638974612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621616604237518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688553271199776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073711073836753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077726834365453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32110849715373435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954256819638191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xs3ptember,2018/02/03,"Grayscale world My days just float by, the same thing everyday. I'm getting tired of this shit. I wish I could have the love of my life, but he doesn't exist; I wish I was ignorant of everything, because that's what it takes to be happy nowadays. Any slight bit of happiness I feel just fades away in 2 seconds. For example, when I stop talking to my friends everything just returns to emptiness. I can't feel anything anymore, everything is so grayscale and the fake smile is getting harder to keep up. I've given so many hints and my test scores are dropping, I'm in danger of moving down sets in maths and it really doesn't help me. I just don't want to hurt anyone so I won't do it. Otherwise, there's nothing stopping me. I'm so young as well, I'm only twelve and I think I know too much, that's what my mom tells me, that's why I'm feeling so down. And I agree with her. Helping others with their issues used to help me and it kind of does since that's the only thing I'm useful for.",1.1781366459627307,3.268332942028988,2.6195031055900664,93.83869565217394,81.89855072463769,5.681987577639752,22.417529330572812,6.868970318607317,0.5421964113181517,777,26,171,9,21,252,119,207,0.132,0.6679999999999999,0.2,0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,13,11,2,0,4,0,13,4,1,2,0,29,35,14,0,4,5,1,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,14,8,0,4,5,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,2,3,23,6,25,30,3,19,0,1,0,1,11,8,1,0,8,102,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749882511902297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760433403430554,0.08996783506428965,0.0,0.10588301000994216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208880603768918,0.0,0.0,0.0784349735411397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047240886588264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273113119521303,0.0,0.0,0.08298037953839861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259845638270673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34691619105500376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951756062064823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940877406562076,0.0,0.13444770452865826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273939498471782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587308558595937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774202736511484,0.0,0.0,0.13429622838516414,0.0,0.11436625633517225,0.0,0.13398818680703042,0.07071270757556694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088219315595544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612812301340175,0.0,0.0,0.13044941453824452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506947042992696,0.0,0.13675399157542165,0.09458597163994437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234606601641664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957160107561556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824281784176972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207611398505995,0.10643570954465577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514484388826105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674251424145892,0.10341866890708064,0.11246172550583064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096294163514833,0.08244542193320291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788523040666166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222561195611092,0.0,0.0,0.07589187004187306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156882130155802,0.0,0.11610308640264536,0.0,0.29592428485329936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,serendipi7y_,2018/02/03,"Hello, I just want to take the sleeping pills I have with me even though it will not kill me. I guess I will only sleep for a few days and maybe wake up in the hospital. I don't care if it kills me, I just want to take it? I am not seeking attention when saying it though I do feel like I can have a better plan than to create drama and wake up in a hospital and family members being concerned? Just want to write out my thoughts.",3.2848188405797134,3.5520949456521755,4.6269565217391335,89.1999275362319,72.3695652173913,7.872463768115942,24.02898550724637,7.793537801064563,0.9210159420289856,333,8,77,4,6,111,57,92,0.067,0.764,0.16899999999999998,0.7484,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,2,0,5,0,9,5,4,0,0,19,18,7,2,4,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,13,3,12,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088320832835385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699584890609395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460786739131305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761686618155446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214616455280055,0.0,0.09769544797410966,0.13803303030987354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284840752889334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275281467830965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439522316723548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411071257192689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469489224460257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365254093133415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867096234027157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905476801325936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796660512795196,0.1533913451538279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418901238170565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cqts,2018/02/03,this is it its over. i cant do this anymore. I'm going to slit my wrists until i pass out. if that doesn't work im going to shoot myself. i want to say my goodbyes as i bleed. im sorry i wasnt good enough for you. i loved you so much. why does everyone do this to me. why is it worth it. why do i mean that little to you. i thought you would care. you did this. you did this to me. i loved you and you did this. it's over now. i cant wait for things to get better anymore. I'm sorry for being such a disappointment. i have to get rid of myself. i cant pollute peoples lives anymore if im dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.,-3.2508904109589025,-1.8180127465753413,0.4273260273972639,102.4005506849315,107.97260273972604,2.8839452054794523,12.004383561643836,4.744908652037736,-1.6336204931506848,473,9,125,2,25,170,69,146,0.133,0.727,0.14,0.5988,0,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,0,8,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,16,4,1,0,0,9,32,6,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,14,2,0,1,2,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,5,1,26,5,17,25,2,9,0,1,0,2,11,4,0,2,2,82,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412772059553091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144950805024283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695199402542562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038135167321192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852356437999124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096079815300211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985992298221328,0.0,0.1303818903691378,0.09621125227554586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37171151991860457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496710176463233,0.10128886987248706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070560881534186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249501516964229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843232490707566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795237734636693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912200492994092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6420285655640687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620660051073465,0.0,0.0,0.091064983255226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676574860841607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105171719295223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350846394768459,0.0,0.0,0.08148495375335035,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zosssu,2018/02/03,"How long does therapy usually take to work? I know it depends on person a lot, but after what time it is okay/time to just finally give up?
It's really my last resort now and anything else isn't even nearly working, because going for a jog etc, is not gonna make my life any better, and it keeps getting worse day by day.

Starting therapy in ~2 weeks. ",5.559583333333332,5.013222458333338,6.835555555555558,78.11500000000002,67.47222222222223,9.977777777777778,31.88888888888889,9.516144504307137,2.7818222222222224,275,10,55,5,4,94,60,72,0.063,0.883,0.054000000000000006,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,11,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,9,11,2,17,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,11,32,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123960338111876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881406658433772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764472042619195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068369282960633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892476177183534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688865734698866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121811753238732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152345127741559,0.12746786650537864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141076614530308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082914481332172,0.1851332908152265,0.10968048516946977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153809895383615,0.0,0.0,0.10606208350339122,0.1573123508849537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631432156911005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707897977810306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407292841403773,0.0,0.0,0.1288221130156376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851114857559135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363413369552533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365990920253365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451042249066838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44140104696390703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253383703347326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125508721364984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480468397453434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099757767301925,0.0,0.19667297610974901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JCnGGd32,2018/02/03,"21 yr old lesbian: nothing to live for Coming out at a young age (pre-puberty) in a small rural town, I knew I was never going to date until I was 18. I was right. I was bullied and rejected by my peers and family. I was suicidal from the age of 10 onwards, cutting myself for years. I had a few suicide attempts here and there. But I still had some hope for a better life. I studied my eyes out (literally didn't leave home for all of high school, never took a day off, studied many hours a day) to get into uni. I got into my dream uni at the big city. All I wanted was to find love and get a girlfriend. 

Pretty quickly I realised getting a girlfriend is more than finding a lesbian: I'm ugly, with no sense of humour, bad teeth, short and stumpy, no personality, no interests or hobbies and shit social skills. 

I've been rejected by every girl I've ever liked and I can't blame them. I promised myself that if I turned 21 and had never gone on a date and/or been kissed: I'd kill myself. I was really close a while back - I stood on the ledge but didn't  jump. 

I'm 21 now. I can't talk to anyone because my crush keeps threatening to make me an inpatient - so I have to say ""I'm fine"" and pretend I'm having a great time. 

Everyone hates me. I'm never going to find love because I'm never going to change. I've got nothing to live for. I'm going to kill myself soon - most likely Valentine's Day - my crush said she doesn't want to date me because she doesn't want to date anyone, but she spends 95% of her time with her ex, and I know they're going to have such a romantic rendezvous! Goodbye  ",2.461061167747914,3.7367467650602464,4.211084337349401,87.61459221501394,75.32530120481928,6.673957367933272,23.913809082483787,7.1686216300943375,0.8727563484708067,1234,37,263,13,26,417,176,332,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.112,-0.9139,0,2,0,0,0,4,46.0,0,0,1,3,10,20,5,0,17,0,22,9,3,1,8,44,56,18,4,5,5,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,2,1,18,0,1,5,2,1,9,14,8,0,0,21,3,38,12,40,35,6,54,0,2,1,5,17,17,1,5,30,158,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968034468960602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680348367655625,0.08339772252335513,0.1826623503630657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833796192456023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566245007164003,0.0860399368927167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324786477492686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034944734255447,0.0841553213297309,0.09544201726667444,0.0,0.0,0.09416033972192324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738724098034005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655346461768474,0.0,0.28382765694085377,0.0,0.15977033301677254,0.11012081826523958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861329842900236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553135418710373,0.10019029997270708,0.09920586809424972,0.09836415109812284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887801629012269,0.2210103937165866,0.0,0.05489281453217378,0.0,0.0,0.10576115463245103,0.0,0.0,0.07054996964804111,0.09759509681003588,0.0,0.17639616992023607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029572723493653,0.0,0.06667235004094584,0.101265186464911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851777406797445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916799215521196,0.0,0.10480989065074513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721355379623254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161641958010396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398729259903191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529911653174717,0.09501113847174736,0.0794305797695628,0.0,0.10108643110011142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252795965087907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181763894051914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976630033170308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851050547881876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802817768703598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648458790977465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097314212557977,0.0,0.10864348729104666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673987418413345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432106071353694
suicidewatch,chanyeolcruz,2018/02/03,TONIGHT I feel like I'm going to go with the plan tonight. A stab to the heart. Still pretty nervous though,0.4343939393939422,2.8821730454545467,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,91.27272727272728,2.9333333333333336,20.96969696969697,3.1291,-0.7043212121212119,85,3,19,0,3,25,18,22,0.222,0.564,0.214,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008273198402421,0.2837471356281116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514557419658486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706629729361639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404322378890446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40407721882974107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171903214811089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39022962222866414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,centience,2018/02/03,I need help I am feeling so desperate right now and can't keep living this way I don't know what else to do,0.8339999999999996,1.8237070000000024,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,79.0,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.14900000000000002,85,2,22,1,2,29,21,25,0.124,0.703,0.174,0.0538,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669089558545115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222081016486254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943975048032855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903957305777127,0.0,0.0,0.24138185527545045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878361414122233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32567340655703075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750884187168426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486295465200486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkanymore00,2018/02/03,"So sick of talking It's hopeless. There's no way out. I've told my story countless times now, it didn't matter if I talked about it online here or with people in the real world. At the end of it, people pretty much agree that my my life is screwed even if they didn't say that explicitly. In the end it's always ""well that's how it is"". I'm tired. There's no way to solve this. I really am screwed. I want this to end.",-0.7119861660079039,1.3049763586956544,1.5239920948616614,99.03286561264822,89.7608695652174,4.21501976284585,14.885375494071145,5.565023196281405,-1.0180130434782608,323,6,79,2,11,108,58,92,0.215,0.6729999999999999,0.112,-0.8808,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,9,4,2,0,3,0,5,5,0,1,1,10,8,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,1,7,1,10,5,1,12,0,1,0,2,5,5,2,3,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216327347089774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5497748041391102,0.0,0.0,0.1366601812477879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461445963051226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210051783990888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868866476968444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049889449411816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355055656125619,0.13254997971218727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645408222372908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33260816212703875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064918780808614,0.2378092621530816,0.0,0.1977085908551056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203916218304388,0.32846643387437297,0.0,0.0,0.18603432203060874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kayteerex,2018/02/03,Looking for someone to talk to Feeling insanely low and would love a phone call,6.48,7.706064999999999,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,65.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,41.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.983666666666668,65,4,11,1,1,20,14,15,0.112,0.585,0.303,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716737324674646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335615059780857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38789791539735496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169023961230715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913847829955915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712751894409314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32813594394363665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kapitaczec,2018/02/03,"I want to be able to die and/or just give up but my family & friends are alive and it pisses me off. The only reason I haven't truly thought about suicide or whatever is because my family is alive it makes me fucking mad because I don't want people to be like OH BOO HOO how could we have helped. Because there's no fucking way they can. I'm fucking sick of being alone, I have a few friends but I want a girlfriend because that's the only time I feel like I don't want to fucking kill myself is when I have someone I'm attracted to in my arms and they like me because I feel less worthless.

I'm not normally straight up called ugly but I know I fucking am, I know when I talk to women the disinterest in their face tells me something, I know i'm boring. I workout, I fucking groom myself, dress nice, have good hygeine but because my nose is deformed and I have a speech impediment due to cleft lip and palate I'm fucking unattractive. 

Don't give me the fucking bullshit of ""being yourself"" or whatever the fuck because I can't be myself. I can't be ""happy"" alone I've tried it for 22 fucking god damn years, I need validation because I get none. I don't have any female friends, I have no companionship. 

The only time women like me is when i'm not attracted to them and I know i'm shallow for thinking this way but honestly I just want ONE time where I can feel at peace and again the only times ive felt close to that was whenever i'm closest to achieving the companionship but I can never get a date, I can't just fake confidence because i've never been given a reason to be confident. I am constantly tired, I don't want to go to school, I have no interests or hobbies. Everything bores me, nothing makes me happy except those rare occasions that I mentioned when it comes to a girl im attracted to making me feel like i'm not worthless. I don't want to live anymore because im done trying, i'm done doing everything people say will help lonliness or lack of companionship. The typical shit like workign out, eating healthy, ""loving yourself"". Doesn't work

I want therapy but SUPRISE it cost fucking money because that's all this fucking country is about, fuck free healthcare right? I don't have my own money nor do I want my parents to know about my depression.

I don't know what to do, I want to die but like I said I dont want my family to cry like a bunch of pussies, I don't want my roommates to find my dead body but I crave an ending to this shit. Nothings getting better, I'm desperate to the point of trying to find escorts to fill my void, using exercise, using alcohol, drugs, focusing on studying...NONE of that shit works. My mind is only focused on the fact I wish I could experience shit with a significant other.

Also, I know some will say having a gf or companionship wont solve anything. If that's the case then I really have no fucking reason to live because nothing else makes me excited anymore. I can't even focus on school because I see no reason for what im doing besides doing what society expects of me. ",3.600885078615806,5.037628135399679,4.9732678490854205,82.63693901634795,72.7030995106036,7.6966297594668704,29.845163305681854,8.265842613841098,2.1826806358682442,2409,103,469,38,47,804,254,613,0.211,0.6,0.188,-0.9854,1,2,3,0,0,4,58.0,1,0,4,4,16,52,22,0,22,0,62,31,10,11,4,85,132,29,5,20,22,1,5,8,5,3,5,4,0,3,19,11,2,0,20,2,4,3,29,28,0,1,8,11,80,25,51,112,8,38,0,3,1,15,30,16,20,7,25,288,99,5,0.04413083396880515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047162440469036136,0.0,0.09141246965703806,0.0,0.03529141198082232,0.0,0.0478157401675327,0.0,0.03001048040956647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753185797645059,0.0,0.0,0.036315916165581316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497227081372927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903013639122517,0.0,0.04901940795497333,0.0,0.0,0.0450625156051829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038014805853037084,0.0,0.04768975375428824,0.0,0.07046975993089698,0.0,0.04847564889041295,0.0,0.0,0.038009822631787406,0.0,0.09160167659897148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032233009675812,0.051721008742138384,0.0,0.05117775679130704,0.045156860424865886,0.03686564903600557,0.0,0.039086820170873705,0.0,0.0,0.0291479996285881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932389599712195,0.04316842366461096,0.12480786816643742,0.0,0.08925550255129798,0.06305415321014393,0.0423725212489768,0.0,0.08066956550004158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228611855909604,0.5711754284512593,0.06916961794709754,0.08466863437608119,0.02508056993993987,0.03701484975979772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395618673863257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059159935542468636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300662072631926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882422925946224,0.0,0.16977206559769126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724807707410548,0.0,0.07793666981762687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398298006396401,0.0,0.11783069742287705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455956202186906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032722454208102214,0.06807283947271903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323884742618009,0.1270341762247275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02990419521222238,0.1678174392240826,0.0,0.0,0.04900206859026445,0.0,0.0,0.061189527367540075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041717902446648206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02827134227500326,0.1814953891998005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037687491082579405,0.04197852896362644,0.07018922090794118,0.0,0.08932552001842388,0.035166561034802694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119866756741515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03739191241179946,0.033974072026662215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827196963768025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03547069269784546,0.03857229403398026,0.0,0.050467454683645566,0.0,0.0,0.028277256482234867,0.0,0.03503495270924184,0.10293217671190452,0.050721901739209305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988581832238954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622974266136534,0.0,0.0,0.3123541111833975,0.07005800376639597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050748281141058095,0.0,0.0,0.064255545449972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02841881018968414
suicidewatch,ourdailybooks,2018/02/03,"A tendency to die My father is kind to everyone but me. He says I am a mentally ill, weird person. He makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I feel rejected. This makes me want to die. I feel so lonely...",-0.6360606060606031,1.5458432727272748,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,93.54545454545452,6.56969696969697,18.69696969696969,7.793537801064563,0.9086333333333338,160,5,36,4,6,56,30,44,0.375,0.508,0.117,-0.9535,0,3,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,8,9,2,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,8,2,4,9,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241130939733507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412758703079641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830168234892793,0.1803870221258007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26294131061452536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335941022096072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370932371779057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544619820527696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047444823008666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079921623428607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943878831249179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893184428666575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760705989696364,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotASkinnyGurl,2018/02/03,I don’t know why.. I’m just really tired of all this and would like to sleep in peace.,-0.8870000000000005,0.643976300000002,1.2900000000000027,103.625,86.0,6.0,10.0,7.1686216300943375,-1.342,66,0,19,1,2,22,19,20,0.138,0.604,0.259,0.4228,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564514226889534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22797520620599795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298939530809047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669738742017099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363304423316443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210671986321287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314854472722614,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,souls_for_breakfast,2018/02/03,Suicide has been lurking in my mind since I was a child. I am in my 20s now; I’m sick of being like this. Does anyone relate to having these thoughts at such a young age?,1.4126126126126124,2.6180781891891907,2.933513513513514,95.99774774774777,77.91891891891892,4.933333333333334,20.44144144144144,3.1291,-0.5009747747747748,131,3,31,0,3,43,32,37,0.234,0.7040000000000001,0.063,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31195601810277035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904258235464632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796465247038227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504808000845666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690570092052041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880118770774214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541904994406903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Worship_FSM,2018/02/03,"Can't handle the guilt So I've dropped out of uni (not officially tho yet, but soon) and for quite a while now I've been pretending to still be studying to my parents. I've recently came out to them as transgender, so I guess I'm already a massive disappointment to them, but being trans isn't my fault, unlike not studying whatsoever for half a year.

I'm sure that my dad will have a fucking temper tantrum if I tell him. The thing is, I think there is at least a faint hope of the possibility to transition for me, so I'm trying to squeeze out a diagnosis of out the doctors, but it gets harder to keep up the lie as time passes. I feel unable to tell truth to my dad and I'd feel it would be much easier to just kill myself then deal with all of the guilt, the insults and the shame",5.4010501355013565,4.696650554878051,6.41056910569106,81.55773712737128,67.84146341463415,9.727913279132792,30.41734417344173,9.150863307647796,2.2016945799457996,617,20,137,10,9,207,99,164,0.151,0.7290000000000001,0.12,-0.8896,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,1,10,13,5,3,14,0,11,3,0,0,3,26,23,15,1,3,7,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,10,0,1,2,3,13,3,26,16,3,18,0,1,0,1,10,6,1,3,9,93,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285884467853347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369174400906265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355626727473728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202056110684026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947636162961572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915011995005836,0.108224139231013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819236163196802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574063386048053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841190177599371,0.22917403660943586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227460223212694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000878931165006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335236255300384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203230375939213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452961317064006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542538769338475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952306761610596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621058011208708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761720412952064,0.1327294482793742,0.0,0.0,0.12078727504690336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063711215603175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714908471189148,0.0,0.0,0.13339388139025413
suicidewatch,PeeB4uGoToBed,2018/02/03,"Having strong suicidal thoughts today Its been about a year or so since its hit me this hard. Things have just been accumulating so fast in such a little amount of time and its hitting me hard today. Between shit happening at work, home, ""friends"" and family its just getting too much. I'm tired of feeling like this useless person that people can just push over and use . ""girlfriend"" doesn't care and just thinks my depression is fake and I can't afford professional help, I'm actually hemorrhaging money and ill probably lose my house within the year if things don't get better

Last time this happened my mind just went on autopilot, walked out of work and got in my car and contemplated the easiest way to drive into oncoming traffic. Sat in my car for half an hour crying and no one even knew where I was",6.168235294117651,7.168285202614381,6.187457516339872,77.9525588235294,66.25490196078431,9.518692810457518,29.679084967320264,9.642632912329526,2.6275390849673204,648,22,120,13,10,205,110,153,0.236,0.7070000000000001,0.057,-0.9828,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,5,13,10,1,0,5,0,10,3,1,1,0,24,27,13,1,1,7,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,4,0,1,6,4,5,0,2,8,3,9,5,16,17,2,27,0,3,0,0,4,11,1,2,10,76,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.14571507249230245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206167042485695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224199690417944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640213373386022,0.0,0.0,0.12860935506325574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862464947367873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076588909837584,0.0,0.0755008299444767,0.1066744517196789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536449290354085,0.0,0.15602738692617935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942508409096796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264086895225075,0.0,0.2675233175148889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008624914415816,0.0,0.14978043512100267,0.0,0.14705041661516458,0.17229557736867046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171597351756296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295035582219841,0.14965816783875002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705122036382186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077093595120086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976760106535308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118329930625003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351989441781173,0.13038072587473193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099253793791626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327514153326818,0.12351929468863933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333217186715346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984035438764907,0.09567841855955217,0.0,0.1185436384762044,0.17413973475246122,0.17162171824517092,0.2830763685143943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896479595931126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185235033677876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842141351040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741391270391228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231475429742012
suicidewatch,throvvavvayaccovnt,2018/02/03,"Need help ASAP Basically in college. Can't say where but let's just say it's not a traditional school. Got a text from a friend of mine asking if i could bring her gauze and neosporin. She's been struggling with self harm and nearly separated from the program for mental issues in the past. Rushed here as fast as i could. She cut the back of her hand with a razor a bunch. Had a mental breakdown cause her fiancé (long distance relationship) has also been having mental health issues. Never talked to the guy before tonight but he called her and asked to speak with me. I spoke with him out of earshot, basically he said that since she's done this again, she's gonna end up getting separated no matter what. He says the best option for her seems to be voluntarily admitting to the powers that be that she has issues and leaves on her own terms. As for now, she's calmed down and first aid isn't a huge issue (in an eagle scout, i make shit work) so calling 911 seems like it would just blow everything out of proportion and worsen the situation. Fiancé called again, she's talking to him now, doesn't sound like it's going well, he seems to be going over the edge a bit as well. I'm typing this while she's talking to him. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to talk to her about voluntarily admitting herself. I don't know where to go from here. 

This is probably the wrong sub but i just searched ""suicide"" and y'all were the first to pop up. ",4.03465698143664,5.114094389830509,4.688571428571429,86.4681920903955,71.20338983050847,7.5173527037933825,23.87812752219532,7.793537801064563,0.9513212267958032,1155,29,245,14,21,370,160,295,0.098,0.7959999999999999,0.107,0.1918,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,0,5,20,12,2,1,19,0,22,3,2,3,1,39,45,19,1,5,8,0,1,2,1,2,1,7,0,2,10,13,0,0,8,0,0,6,9,5,2,2,8,8,30,7,43,29,5,36,0,0,0,0,46,15,1,5,17,163,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598193717836403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764883467695386,0.0,0.0,0.07305920470256944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084914519778919,0.0,0.0997103806178089,0.0,0.10372969079165092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910569771200417,0.0,0.0,0.09760462039968228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172044901330256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972313833028936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841534001626006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539164267034187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616361789353441,0.0,0.0,0.07340688096015399,0.0,0.04964042024694063,0.0,0.21599252425600146,0.0,0.07599065111699539,0.0,0.0,0.09407790128690248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099447622025144,0.0,0.0,0.06368527431413892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39667594105767184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665013544810408,0.0,0.0,0.100605148047873,0.0,0.09715732624808893,0.0,0.0928371971490135,0.0,0.0,0.08408359856108022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342197822895985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28725255518546194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045100551128425,0.0732799556897819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070074945782867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244018562767823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200850561214587,0.0,0.0,0.090379210451757,0.2266746783830963,0.0,0.0961583239309434,0.0,0.2594890578046829,0.09911937893289656,0.0,0.0975295759163176,0.0785958134369161,0.10679869887727926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932831570891304,0.0,0.10392890390668504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054717046408128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708563647655844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917066424537438,0.0,0.0,0.06749457612648536,0.10388190320334192,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NightsKing13,2018/02/03,"Not Sure So lately I’ve been coming to the realization that I’m extremely depressed. There was one other time I felt like killing myself and I was very candid about that with my father. 

About 5 months ago I broke up with the love of my life who I was sure I would one day marry. We were together for about 4 Years. It was a mutual break up, but the cause for it was because of how much of an asshole I had become. 

Little back story of my life, I’m 24 turning 25 in March. I never had a girlfriend my whole life until I turned 20. I was never into girls for relationships. I’m not trying to brag or be egotistical, but I know from experience and from others I’m a pretty good looking guy. Getting with women was never an issue, I just never cared for women in that way. 

My parents had a nasty divorce and I saw what marriage could do to two people madly in Love. So I have a feeling that was part of my fear to ever let me get close to someone. Well it ended up happening. 

She knew the type of guy I was too. So she knew there was definitely something special with the way I felt about her. Since I could care less to actually be in a relationship. For 2 years we were great together. And even in the last 2 years most of it was great too. But I fell apart. 

I got comfortable with the relationship. I had it in the back of my head she would always be there. I began to abuse that. I practically died on the inside and became a lazy bum. I had gotten fired from a good paying sales job my step mother got me. I had gained 110 lbs and gone from 180 to 290. I played video games day and night. I never wanted to do anything or help with anything. I was living off my dad and not paying rent or looking for new employment. The only reason I wasn’t homeless is because my dad had a small real estate business on the side and I was living in one of his condos. 

How could I expect her to love me or care for me when I didn’t even care for myself?

“Some people die at 25 but aren’t carried until 75”. - Benjamin Franklin

That was me. Except at 22. I had died on the inside. 

The love of my life moved out. Partially because I yelled at her too. She kept trying to keep contact with me for a couple months even after moving out. She always hoped I would change. Then one day she wouldn’t have sex with me and I was being a complete dick about it, so I said something to her I wish I could build a time machine to go back and take back. I have regrets in my life but I’ve learned and lived with them. And nothing to the point that I wish I could tell myself to not do. I wish I could take those words back. 

She hasn’t spoken to me since. In 3 months she’s been dead silent and has me completely blocked on everything. Well rewind really quick to 2 days after I said those horrible things. 

October 25th (2 days after the blocking): Something clicked in my head. All of the sudden I had changed. I reached out to a friend and he started taking me kickboxing. I threw up at my first class and thought “how in the hell am I ever going to lose this weight”. But I kept going back. I go 6 days a week now. I also have a new sales job that’ll pay really well if I work hard. 

In these last 3 months I’ve become more hard working then I ever have in my whole life. I’m probably one of my bosses favorite reps. I’ve never been liked by a boss ever. I no longer weigh 290 lbs, I lost 75lbs in 3 months. And am currently 80lbs lighter in total. So I weigh 210. Now it’s not quite 180, but with all the muscle I’ve built I actually look better then I ever did at 180. I’m about to have my first ever 6 pack as well. 

Things seem to finally be going up for me. Except they’re not. I changed my whole life and everything my ex ever wanted for me, I finally have. Except it’s too late. She won’t speak to me at all. I tried reaching out to tell her from my new phone and she blocked me. She said nothing. 

Alright so maybe I’ll try and go out and meet new women. But they’re not taking to me either. I don’t get it. I never had problems with women before, but now I feel like I’m repelling them. All the flirting goes well, everything is great but nothing is going anywhere. And it’s all just a charade anyway cause I don’t even want any other woman. 

I want the love of my life back but I don’t think I’ll ever get her. So what’s the point? What’s the point of working hard and being in shape if no one wants you?

I’m sitting at home on a Friday night. Games aren’t that interesting anymore because that’s all I did forever. My friends are kind of boring and I don’t seem to be on the same page with any of them anymore. I alienated myself from the friends who I would have things in common with now that I’ve turned my life around. 

I’m just alone, and it doesn’t seem like anyone cares. And it doesn’t seem like anyone New is going to come in my life and change that anytime soon. And I’m 100% sure I’ve lost out on the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 

I miss her and I just don’t know if it’s worth being here anymore. ",0.7897379322450426,2.811551633175359,2.614603738809901,93.7159726610497,82.90521327014218,5.196506933473759,18.86804458486923,6.334428289652162,-0.12828190275583662,3883,96,868,34,108,1287,372,1055,0.107,0.73,0.163,0.9969,8,1,3,0,2,1,100.0,2,1,3,11,63,53,3,1,45,1,85,22,3,8,26,171,171,65,5,26,33,6,9,5,4,7,10,5,3,8,42,55,3,6,16,4,7,16,30,13,5,9,53,19,141,40,135,96,20,153,1,7,5,7,68,55,2,14,83,597,183,14,0.0,0.04357420731704455,0.07177723077853172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326001995725056,0.0,0.0,0.038089422713589983,0.0,0.0294102000337653,0.06120208449655527,0.0,0.0,0.05001864093362802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941738972416837,0.05143004870677082,0.0,0.06052794710620196,0.03273893357859129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795232039116145,0.0,0.08967459329553769,0.08123363753827834,0.0312941420175188,0.0,0.0,0.032525876812037044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748075883764626,0.0755593109829736,0.1556188872739963,0.0633594963550972,0.07711904242616695,0.0,0.0,0.17617853349353074,0.040692561770956696,0.0,0.14230702422648758,0.0,0.0316755953957374,0.0,0.11450478236750575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032573114403410236,0.0,0.0,0.09716227847463056,0.2993985187396846,0.0,0.0,0.09915719651571414,0.035974530455410623,0.0,0.041383852084378434,0.03719066533204147,0.026273180283601788,0.07062252576035022,0.0805738430237168,0.0,0.06256424265707705,0.0,0.0,0.08524043212368951,0.0,0.07685693434193809,0.0,0.1672077227842977,0.061692863762265085,0.058827145846534076,0.12163885462044174,0.0,0.07282914856749646,0.0650427773185834,0.0,0.09883371657169664,0.0,0.07548671680344671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02465055151709636,0.0,0.036889886110982206,0.03652742008492773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838517155630716,0.07299011792047573,0.0326886944068725,0.040687812371902235,0.03829712568215776,0.04042286881973183,0.05995560631564234,0.08297111828073522,0.0,0.0,0.037606522100041236,0.2597637042865885,0.08983584257391332,0.03685977252429275,0.0974231231048856,0.0,0.09264913856926273,0.041143561166339895,0.08029191452785753,0.0,0.16596139660738984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0369469954758781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677348807575627,0.07817532168628262,0.027035001592199254,0.0,0.1985504403724184,0.17759514375289764,0.0,0.06902461647881375,0.0,0.10586429740822104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952448434505525,0.027970229467818068,0.0,0.0,0.04083601529151356,0.039825428313151966,0.0,0.05099246923950868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429720323559936,0.0,0.0,0.037414980754993055,0.039651349553429936,0.035190199089544766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039116396200266336,0.0,0.041859774258025714,0.0471200093656053,0.03781242660730632,0.0,0.11845277969773695,0.0,0.0,0.1049487848160642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391998817989476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084389740077356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03116065813047216,0.08493717294241318,0.0,0.0,0.026030636941325503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398441165154754,0.0,0.1106055784469706,0.0,0.06428866512436654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977308435738774,0.023564933304468943,0.0,0.029196478959590256,0.04288941327500625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987547484155436,0.12000700289224905,0.0359253531865146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03034451178734928,0.1084588333684016,0.058383039643062164,0.02949993638764678,0.044783939811302347,0.16533271101663427,0.0,0.0,0.12317914045281295,0.12687367968212712,0.0,0.0,0.08032131638665913,0.0,0.0,0.1045000461314574,0.0,0.0,0.07104869248539003
suicidewatch,adorato,2018/02/03,"CrashMonkey Tesora Mia,
Without you, there is no meaning or purpose. 
",7.620000000000001,10.908698272727275,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,66.27272727272728,8.036363636363637,47.36363636363637,8.841846274778883,5.656018181818182,55,4,6,1,1,17,11,11,0.328,0.672,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7488741265625499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6627122622716273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sofsquid,2018/02/03,i need help i don’t want to live anymore and i don’t want to talk about it with anyone i just really have to leave f,-1.4558333333333309,0.1386460357142898,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,88.64285714285714,5.161904761904762,12.904761904761903,6.42735559955562,-1.0798238095238095,91,1,25,1,3,32,20,28,0.062,0.715,0.223,0.4284,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797415371495331,0.2677379592149599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25665495260717996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054439551739927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381145046049822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839211996078738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245300470502492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077666961545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516977515686201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matin89,2018/02/03,"Just Divorced Late-20 year old I have had these thoughts forever and when I met her they all seemed to melt away and she became my world, my compass. Now its all gone. Her family thinks I didn't fight for us; idk what she has been telling them since they stopped contacting excepted for one of her relatives making sure i signed the papers. 
The thoughts are back now, started going to psychiatrist. Never thought I would have done that. He gave me and RX for antidepressant meds and sleeping meds. I am honestly terrified to take them. 
My friends are only ""face-value"" friends (they only do something for me if they get something out of it). Honestly have no one to talk to now. I wish I had friends to talk to. To tell them whats in my head, to cry on someones shoulder and know that someone genuinely cares. But no one does. Its more along the lines of hey just don't kill yourself bruh (which someone actually said to me). My brain was honestly a wreck after that day. I have been seesawing at the thought ever since. My compass is gone. My friends have vanished. My family is there but I know they could get over it honestly with time. idk why I'm posting anything on here, should just figure out how to do it quick n easy.",2.68534810126582,5.144181210970466,3.098380801687764,90.43719145569622,78.66244725738396,6.650421940928268,26.75263713080169,7.793537801064563,1.5809523206751055,965,40,195,16,24,298,139,237,0.057,0.813,0.129,0.9482,0,0,2,0,2,0,32.0,1,0,8,0,13,12,2,0,5,0,24,5,4,2,5,38,46,10,1,5,7,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,12,9,0,1,9,0,0,3,5,2,0,3,16,1,35,10,30,27,3,28,0,0,0,0,30,9,0,2,15,136,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.10780867426068498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091236402494687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379587197437803,0.08494925199904749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332779220499787,0.0,0.0,0.11263768100520916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820612480733996,0.0,0.1213527374106986,0.07124790342487232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667832312616112,0.11305534074781677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993189895655878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829394825472408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414140438311611,0.0,0.11543833760751772,0.0,0.06278607687981083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338028473098245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222536486303845,0.0,0.12142947979465125,0.0,0.12462178000948965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374361153784274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24542794073930396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520592918733738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592601515809235,0.0,0.22458426233370915,0.16804400643411366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580550358507096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508800849116326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057323350373197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277383634010166,0.0,0.11055581994330088,0.0,0.2808179590406894,0.17009969895375973,0.0,0.0,0.07819550652391223,0.0,0.0,0.09236291244375933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041223560019134,0.0,0.08306422976247356,0.1775929051086316,0.19312184886129904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078858270347521,0.0,0.35082252748651355,0.06441946470829886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288906811699766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968743856513004,0.0,0.12704198863386626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847900588679763,0.0,0.0,0.0711429447446814
suicidewatch,Labirynthgrl,2018/02/03,"Trapped. It doesn't matter how much you fight this. It doesn't matter how far and in between the bad days are. It doesn't matter how good your situation is or how caring your support is. None of it matters. We all die. We all get forgotten. Every happy memory we ever get will fade and you end up second guessing every piece if this once beautiful thing that you had and it ends up grey and cloudy until you can barely recognize the person who you were. 

You get trapped.

Who are you supposed to talk to? Your head is screaming ""I need help. I feel trapped. I need help. I feel trapped. I need help. I need help."" So you call your mom, wake her up in the middle of the night just to have her there voice, to talk about there day to serve as a temporary distraction. You call your sister who never answers her phone. She doesn't answer. You try your other sister who can never grasp this feeling of desolate emptiness. She doesn't answer.You repeatedly silently screaming for someone anyone to help. You need help just please why can't anyone help. You have to pay for someone to try to help you try to color in all your pictures and make happiness just appear but it doesn't work like that.

See your brain just keeps twisting and diluting any feeling that you have into this film that you have to keep staring at with eyes strapped open to try to go thru the motions of being happy of trying to take your meds of realizing that this is just chemical reactions in your brain, this isn't you. You are trapped. You need help. You are trapped you need help you need help you need help. 

But how can you carry this weight and suffer and expect someone else to put it on in your place? How can you burden someone else with your feelings that aren't real to them but you're living in this area that no one wants to be around and Everytime you try to escape even if for a moment, a day, a week, a couple months, you get bungied straight back into your own gray circle where you feel you're destined to be.


That happy memory that you cling to when everything was okay before the problems before the numb before the hurt and the anger.

That.little hope...that dwindles...
...I need help.",3.3507910504844465,5.400175021226417,3.601359000509948,89.65317695053545,74.7311320754717,6.1875573686894425,23.016063233044363,7.001395882987947,0.7012810555838862,1715,49,339,17,37,529,189,424,0.147,0.7190000000000001,0.134,-0.7562,0,7,0,0,1,0,51.0,3,41,1,1,21,20,2,1,14,1,32,7,5,7,6,75,63,26,1,15,11,3,7,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,30,19,1,2,10,1,1,4,13,11,0,2,3,16,57,9,50,56,7,42,0,2,6,0,77,21,0,5,18,230,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041747071057409484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858501493751745,0.0,0.0,0.054649808988727525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047204855921699165,0.051257798311491166,0.0,0.0,0.15671422646843922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706231721130294,0.12537140461073812,0.0,0.062590845452822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792648644789695,0.0,0.11877374797597795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371277050160272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256636007686466,0.0,0.1087460271753259,0.0,0.0,0.040547288649471866,0.055530458258526524,0.10344686538292623,0.0,0.05517306416872264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624272702842368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829424547880522,0.0,0.03488915609325706,0.051490730638521436,0.0,0.0,0.06762762695000178,0.0,0.0,0.2614017203677008,0.0,0.0,0.0630034977252921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5349264988228399,0.0,0.0,0.06097377990948611,0.0,0.0,0.06571889618153197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913189344656322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029991884892769983,0.06152856271218905,0.054208190746209584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097807191790991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819006824149595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189882286761344,0.04900063753569885,0.0,0.04512846056750535,0.455196518801148,0.09469497414780917,0.0,0.0,0.05761003328089554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653779798421728,0.04159921951936945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360307949972813,0.06413912414642706,0.06738740705622162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874160970766917,0.0,0.0617135599749246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987486816028393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891960749474198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900454519934844,0.0,0.0,0.2080610244320142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966425385546855,0.0,0.0,0.04615738109416721,0.09868535980120163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078455946647105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500772792268941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03620920951804819,0.0,0.04924307888326394,0.07475606224543535,0.0,0.0,0.05539461577275531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044692400540137435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buttchugthefireball,2018/02/03,TW: sexual assault sorry for posting again but I literally have no one else to tell this to. So I don’t understand if I got this depressed again because I was sexually assaulted or I don’t actually care about the assault because I’m so fucking dumb. I don’t know. I feel like i should feel a certain way but I’m so so so numb. I really want to die but for the time being I just need to survive for a bit till I figure this out. ,0.8316545893719791,2.7151151847826083,3.916231884057975,85.19205314009663,81.93478260869566,7.132367149758455,25.439613526570053,8.167268648758528,1.6854599033816426,335,14,73,7,9,121,56,92,0.339,0.5489999999999999,0.112,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,5,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,1,16,18,11,1,4,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,2,11,3,10,14,1,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,2,5,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2332052070130993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291353983240549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608988950382148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436510224843233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058288875567908,0.0,0.2480184053389333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963301601397865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416659632488274,0.1707238460016601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092861209057504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113020349670554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133445507608574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675115374282047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719699491965202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193569997523027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887206930138276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309355654121748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26751303860594344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887475451905976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393482918326764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487814877920538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409536947231596,0.18968729635201464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,indigolikethat,2018/02/03,"I want to end it now................ I really have been thinking of doing this for a long while. I have no family, not one friend, I havent eaten in four days because I lost my job due to my depression, I'm living with my boyfriends family and I'm too ashamed to ask for food so I starve in silence, I'm a huge inconvenience to everyone and I am just done.. I keep making plans to do it but I dont want it to hurt... thats all thats stopping me...",-0.4393749999999983,1.3291754791666683,2.5352500000000013,93.98475000000002,85.875,6.34,18.975,7.554174236665415,0.3623074999999996,330,9,82,6,10,117,62,96,0.179,0.772,0.049,-0.8494,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,1,1,13,20,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,13,1,12,16,1,10,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102456991557627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108064873244085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867693824429386,0.0,0.18520552771399906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200509454092849,0.2520142440753517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045327379020266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547093883521195,0.0,0.0,0.4054233964826631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600158368390416,0.0,0.1661320965115592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019468853738745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338467578083592,0.19112906394558807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987594603735355,0.19029530104638398,0.0,0.0,0.2347312846927621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143534585181556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571028938478495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775409887985704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977519743486098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778291626956052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25366122048575795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jonamonsz,2018/02/03,"This will probably seem stupid I've felt inferior to everyone for a long time now. I've just turned 17 yet  I still can tell that I'm just bad when compared to everyone around me. I'm short, ugly and dumb. I have to work harder than anyone else and I still barely get any results. Everything I do, no matter how hard I work, will just be overshadowed by people who were simply born better.  Born taller, born better looking and born smarter. Anyone who says hard work beats talent is full of crap.  My height doesn't help the situation their, I'm only 5'7 and have been told I probably am done growing. I hate how I'm looked down upon, I hate how I know I will never be taken seriously. There is no point to any of this anymore. I've wasted this stupid life trying my best to make the best of something that was always meant to fail. There isn't any fucking hope left. I just want this to stop. I just want this stupid fuck up of a life to stop. If there is a god I know one thing, my life was made as some cruel joke. There's no fucking point to sticking around and yet for some reason I still hesitate. I don't wanna be here anymore, but I can't force myself to leave for some reason. I just want to end this already.",2.4769009523809515,4.127856492000003,3.5432571428571435,90.86286666666668,76.08,6.361904761904763,20.704761904761906,7.07126945348624,0.3363561904761907,953,22,206,10,21,307,134,250,0.189,0.7170000000000001,0.094,-0.9561,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,9,23,22,11,0,5,0,23,7,1,8,1,40,49,12,0,6,8,0,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,11,7,0,2,7,1,0,1,8,15,0,1,10,6,23,7,27,33,6,30,0,2,2,3,7,12,5,6,17,128,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024166741568424,0.0,0.08312445087927801,0.0,0.0,0.2038054142536416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814707319818767,0.13970421408393266,0.10235892225559744,0.0,0.1778636069983355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341197401399453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967688556293035,0.17670611526441046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022319516965366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345327777689088,0.0,0.08848137348536797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909166539136995,0.08978329827487402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591926029688083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27706664761854904,0.05219340579647997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789807974888587,0.19726030009250464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696058069215989,0.0,0.0,0.09922282097327016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980438987480633,0.0,0.0,0.10577922771717868,0.10854118274799922,0.0,0.21168607691855815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840798201738133,0.16778096871175624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452739525884657,0.06668374340210446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704871242101499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769453881857836,0.07597812998054469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925778818450554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888747813851912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541728098732865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542680688088324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794441533316436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094482296464686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229131021269803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769075750513449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393397937910317,0.16704103921219104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731663357847791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636883999028187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825224673875243,0.0,0.0,0.09545832695684976,0.0,0.06782525522458825,0.1086620529256385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677007652763074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818424563358094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,basicgirl96,2018/02/03,I can’t live anymore I just can’t live like this anymore ,-1.5138461538461527,0.4529333846153882,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,99.76923076923076,2.6,21.884615384615387,3.1291,-0.5597384615384615,46,2,11,0,2,15,8,13,0.0,0.762,0.238,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7345306435582794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092328676483155,0.0,0.6540118485012872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamesbwbevis,2018/02/03,"I'm donating my kidney before I kill myself Been fighting suicide for over a year ,  for no reason. I want to die  and I am going to kill myself on my birthday.

I just signed up to donate my kidney and save a life before I end mine",1.8047959183673468,3.1433665714285723,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,77.16326530612245,5.716326530612244,20.413265306122447,5.985473137389443,0.22442448979591806,178,4,36,1,4,63,33,49,0.375,0.55,0.075,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,2,4,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,7,5,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,11,1,8,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633223383812892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28254821351044945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24112901905571815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547235922630145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023993999009648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229529735832387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799140795386006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977927760748072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605776578447914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753174035087032
suicidewatch,BlinkStalkerClone,2018/02/03,"I don't know what to say, but can someone please talk to me? I can't talk to the people I usually would right now and honestly I just really need to talk to someone, sorry there's not much substance here.
",1.5801162790697667,3.4621469534883715,3.4211046511627927,89.68188953488372,79.46511627906978,7.090697674418602,22.377906976744185,8.07648339933343,1.1189116279069773,161,5,35,3,4,54,32,43,0.035,0.797,0.168,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526875217911968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093673394859106,0.1825051649910535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063825220622342,0.0,0.0,0.2701811049764995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767967627380655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019700216806933,0.0,0.19573555303846246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170969023684523,0.0,0.0,0.275526745079248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5934993061948596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710817126986616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484645765619938,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1Tranquilo2,2018/02/03,"About six months to go for this impoverished senior woman. I figure I have about six months to go before I die.  At that point I will have gone through my small saving from before my husband (age 77) divorced me (age 72) after 50 years of marriage with which I supplement my SS and half my husband's pension.  I can't make it on that.  My total income is $1100.00 total per month.  Rent is $740.  I have a car and insurance to pay for, can't walk well, and am rather rapidly losing the use of my hands.  Oh yes, my medical insurance runs out about then too.  I'm moderately suicidal every night.  During the day, I try to keep busy and  try to help the depressed and suicidal young people on Reddit.  I have no living family and few friends.  I am actually eager to end my life, but I have to wait until I can get enough belongings sold to go to Europe to end my life there with legal dignified suicide.  I would like to hear from other senior citizens who are in the same boat.",4.330307692307692,5.022440697435896,5.630256410256411,81.41307692307693,70.23076923076923,8.666666666666668,26.794871794871803,8.841846274778883,1.9038717948717951,756,23,152,13,13,254,125,195,0.113,0.802,0.085,-0.6764,2,0,0,0,1,3,25.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,1,15,4,1,2,2,21,27,9,4,2,2,2,1,1,1,2,3,1,1,2,7,9,0,2,1,0,3,7,3,2,1,3,2,2,23,5,30,23,5,30,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,0,17,101,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.14238153321292996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483075968637221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409619214230036,0.0,0.12566714510882035,0.0,0.15142561038613386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584557760155257,0.15075812696019145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293065118513236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754557281620114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272528707561146,0.0,0.07622896586394669,0.0,0.24876229909727374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644447308844498,0.0,0.09779656533080566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296864305824266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611301989910066,0.07128146273915552,0.0,0.12883615493484574,0.0,0.0,0.1632295717503654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739224183415954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469832151626088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493782199268629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692128572097875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011516587347358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379267078193156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787868129703244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811886142817306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601445454552695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311854727716215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364621640898568,0.0,0.0,0.09395757455969793
suicidewatch,littlesqueal,2018/02/03,"I have managed to stockpile 120 mg of ambien. What would happen if I took all of it at once? My partner of four years left me for drugs. I gave him an ultimatum and he literally chose drugs. He hadn't even used before yet. He just wanted to start.
I don't want anyone else. All I wanted was Ryan, and I couldn't have him. He said there's no possibility of getting back together. 
If I can't spend the rest of my life with the love of my life, I don't want to do this anymore. I already made my choice. I just want to know if taking that much ambien would kill me or just leave me braindead or not do anything at all.",1.178486005089059,2.8987499465648874,3.169790076335879,91.78053753180666,80.06870229007635,6.198727735368958,20.07697201017812,7.1686216300943375,0.25385445292620856,477,12,111,6,12,161,80,131,0.095,0.871,0.034,-0.5523,0,0,2,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,3,0,12,5,0,2,3,26,28,7,1,11,9,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,1,0,1,6,1,19,1,14,19,5,8,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,5,4,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701925315546393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590861592297267,0.11216419444455167,0.16436162837742213,0.13200587203907874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334735994902282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649927692043146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720552929705899,0.0,0.13400411343323848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595098555748976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838089438442081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185230047069367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747273483739326,0.0,0.08815854995887064,0.0,0.0,0.16985374340585033,0.17428872001919632,0.0,0.2266082756666892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447786018286229,0.1517862465591818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792169175982088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083414523516186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808410633469325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258908235979315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354083835499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061028444976825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822426081717174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854495105461725,0.0,0.0,0.473077431620673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279049658416969,0.0,0.0,0.10330043180785224
suicidewatch,sexysmith_14,2018/02/03,"Medication I have struggled with depression for a while now, I have tried therapy and other thought and behavior attempts. Nothing has helped. I am not currently seeing a counselor, so I am not sure what my options are for medication. Should I set an appointment with someone or is there a quicker way? ",6.5150000000000015,8.466875129629628,6.937962962962962,69.36583333333336,66.22222222222223,10.585185185185184,41.27777777777778,10.686352973137794,5.1922000000000015,243,15,38,7,4,79,41,54,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.8088,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,0,1,11,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,4,8,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432782699286903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932378226659208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5690878433237541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710234046003561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250802433561944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239323394086565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29528352698021715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662107052247704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230121640418852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423789673277494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176855576193455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241998090342708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-WannaShlapU,2018/02/03,What would you change? One thing you’d change to make a solid difference in your life?  ,1.937058823529412,4.583617117647059,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,83.70588235294119,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.4379176470588231,69,1,15,1,2,20,15,17,0.0,0.877,0.123,0.2406,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7519097168942183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713062784688968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510220407958921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372251817460704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082105255576985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361049234148665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25245843058815715,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mattg082,2018/02/03,"Just up and down/lots of issues Not sure if this is the right place. I think about doing it sometimes and I feel my points are valid. I'll name reasons why I feel this way. 

Ive been on suboxone for 10 years for substance abuse, I have severe dental issues, missing teeth that hurt all the time..I don't have the money and they want to take ALL my top teeth out and replace them but can't afford it, I was diagnosed with cancer in may and had my right testical removed and recovered but it still has hurt me mentally, I've suffered with chronic pelvic pain disorder so I'm on meds to sleep for that, my gf now ex, of 6 years has left yet again because she just has a gut feeling... I mean I don't blame her on a biological sense because look at my conditions. I worked really hard, put in lots of work on these issues that I could fix or bandage, while with her to make a normal daily life and that just wasn't enough. Im not a bad looking guy at all though and I am outgoing sometimes, artistic, stylish. it's just once someone finds out what's behind  that and sees my issues, it's all down hill.

A lot of these things deteriorated during the 6 years we were together. I'm 35 now and left college in 2010 due to depression and never went back. In a job I'm just getting sick of. A coworker friend of mine killed himself in October and went to his funeral, was pretty rough.

The one thing that keeps me from it is my mom, who is the sweetest person on earth and the person I admire the most and I wouldn't want to upset her. If she were to pass, I don't think I have many reasons left. I started therapy recently and trying to rebuild, and I try to be upbeat during the work week. But things flip on the weekends and I'm just at this point with being 35, with all the above issues I feel the cards are very much stacked against me. I just don't know. It may not be today, but I feel my life is headed in that direction sooner than later.

Thanks for listening ",3.187343234323436,4.328089648514855,4.324376237623763,88.04455115511553,73.30693069306929,7.366864686468648,24.85280528052805,7.793537801064563,1.1321959735973604,1534,46,331,20,30,502,211,404,0.129,0.7929999999999999,0.078,-0.9756,2,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,1,0,2,4,16,13,1,1,19,0,34,12,5,3,7,74,62,27,2,7,17,2,7,0,2,3,7,1,0,3,24,25,0,1,12,2,1,5,11,9,0,1,9,11,42,4,48,46,10,52,0,5,3,0,20,28,0,8,18,221,66,6,0.0,0.09819851143829426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372912652115358,0.06920081949211485,0.10104500021520428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066172440080469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138388758632436,0.08412082496754025,0.0,0.0,0.09498694853089146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563655343910392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953152104603515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575025081117834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403240253268712,0.0,0.04330105474538863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206361537010748,0.0,0.0,0.07424364430880909,0.0,0.08505815343384325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744817848954253,0.0,0.08952395136488124,0.43252269406843397,0.0822449950419709,0.0736670000273431,0.0916937531308466,0.0,0.04554833915028447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27014606296973936,0.0,0.1170803126769094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919560911106646,0.0,0.0,0.2113832523913408,0.0,0.0,0.055322628972350185,0.08402668175298436,0.0,0.09027994052447896,0.0920603061188618,0.0,0.08352292047463772,0.0,0.0,0.09706732686257108,0.0,0.0,0.060925879701486337,0.0,0.06392168634508004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120419434557948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826383361852412,0.05616121206531393,0.0,0.08818950256064563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447341536653784,0.08659131095461446,0.0,0.1566956040514805,0.0,0.0,0.08431812399707339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331666721399454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309465235929807,0.17042761006256107,0.08183338800274924,0.0,0.0,0.14155707343920007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604413453922824,0.0,0.0,0.09363010745885073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293923337777591,0.0,0.07022342877257623,0.0,0.16393964986814152,0.0,0.05866245095017397,0.0,0.06618757903445367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811283375868852,0.0,0.062314978452949824,0.0,0.0,0.07630419687839357,0.09477979276052896,0.0,0.1651841298695793,0.10621151892928968,0.0814285689495194,0.0,0.04832763232413394,0.0,0.07855996034828773,0.0,0.0,0.11253931583050376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838416740799542,0.09776880998998666,0.06578579323861904,0.0664808385317006,0.0,0.0,0.1536600291123011,0.07478574837784484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101152474319224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601148080776065
suicidewatch,LadyCopperFoxx,2018/02/03,"Why did I let myself hope? I know better. I know love doesn't exist, happiness is a myth. I'll never be ok, or live a decent life. And yet I **STILL** fucking let myself hope. I felt this... spark. And instead of squashing it, I let it spread. It infected me. I'm a goddamn idiot. What's the definition for insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Now I realize my mistake. Now it's dead and rotting inside me- I was already dead inside. So now I'm a stinking, bloated, rotting corpse. Not just a dried out, desiccated husk. I'm even worse off than I was before, and that was pretty bad. But on the bright side, maybe this will bring on another dissociative episode! And I'll go behind the blurry glass and maybe it'll last longer than 3 weeks this time. Maybe I won't come out of it. Maybe I'll finally kill myself, like I've wanted to do for 16 years. 

I *knew* better. I really did....",-0.4181048387096773,1.7115643064516135,2.0295631720430123,90.86434475806456,102.1720430107527,4.905645161290323,17.640456989247312,6.6274283507984215,0.31254892473118234,715,22,146,12,32,242,115,186,0.241,0.632,0.127,-0.9769,1,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,0,2,10,15,3,0,10,1,16,4,0,1,1,28,31,11,3,5,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,12,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,7,3,18,9,15,17,1,23,0,0,1,2,1,8,1,3,13,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849980775829988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411069211830212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235916868993426,0.0,0.0,0.1145079759433238,0.0,0.0,0.2380300004673879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591894227918215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059555632488854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888129797537786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920696909178478,0.1474133349534859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244065118392718,0.0,0.0,0.07647844238469548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432507879881423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673139872641389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888022933046227,0.0,0.14791077792702434,0.10969137805113244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128165640904531,0.09504978914183293,0.06574342568358743,0.0,0.11882654833155484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145342473106198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407690253033984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037876081772456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690465499307386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862080976028261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074666660379351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940140521038628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846803885481758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937205292439321,0.0,0.10794282215231243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142724001334575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713691044305165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665777304654687
suicidewatch,TossAside___,2018/02/03,"Why do things happen like they do? Stupid title but I don't get it. I used to be ok at school, I used to have financial support from my  parent and I used to be at least alright socially. None of that is true. I'm so dumb now. I hold no skills, I have no job (at least the one my family expects me to get) and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about suicide once again over something dumb.",-1.0906765327695531,0.9258846046511628,1.3172304439746334,99.54373150105712,92.48837209302326,4.52262156448203,17.120507399577168,6.11248444174946,-0.5000093023255814,300,8,74,3,11,101,56,86,0.233,0.627,0.14,-0.9105,2,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,4,8,3,0,1,2,10,0,0,3,1,11,21,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,11,5,12,19,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,3,50,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075319251036364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003203535375216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946723816108603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845869250077116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209852418530145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755111112320452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344458976204993,0.14917509510196944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444435702171395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227972170663036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440881884279287,0.0,0.16947740574897924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24080151999934654,0.2498165065154276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625371839656492,0.1410592191170585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5704005255988328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864548353341524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGelatinmonster,2018/02/03,"I feel so lost and confused Im not really sure what to do anymore or who to trust, im not eating or sleeping and i just want to start self hurting myself. Its funny how life can just fuck you up, i just wish i wasn't so alone. ",-1.0182352941176482,0.8942988431372534,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,89.98039215686275,4.184313725490196,16.34313725490196,5.46131890053228,-0.8141921568627453,175,4,43,1,6,60,37,51,0.227,0.57,0.204,-0.3354,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,15,9,7,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,6,2,4,7,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,3,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24917262233998494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385948292624876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461776466803556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216465746545325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241616934964706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575503077553233,0.0,0.5197443314833815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699316996021154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626260188562274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412436658069156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509817372218941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240757896342065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028669918738276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674771356276546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190276460502935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27665989855883244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,za-ty,2018/02/03,"Should I check myself in ? I recently had an appointment with my psypsychiatrist, she told me I have BPD. 
I'm still in denial, i'm struggling with all my emotions. I know i'm not okay it's just worst and worst. 
I have suicidal and SH idea's. ",0.5404666666666671,2.8745591799999985,2.5280000000000022,91.78066666666668,87.2,6.533333333333335,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.8759333333333337,189,6,42,4,6,63,34,50,0.329,0.6709999999999999,0.0,-0.9529,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,10,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,4,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142642146439399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699916119141802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37131153020708135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807662615689712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32476959416615064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626765640100026,0.0,0.0,0.3438594211351517,0.0,0.3597859530941058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142979059269366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aneffortinhappiness,2018/02/03,"This might be selfish but I really don't want to be alive.

Why do people keep saying it's selfish to kill yourself? I have to spend every second living my miserable existence whereas my parents and family don't. They didn't wake up every day for the past 15 years hating themselves and their life. They didn't wake up and not have the energy to get out of bed or without hope for anything. They didn't watch their life and their youth pass them by and they don't find themselves in a position where everything they wanted and valued is in the past and all they are left with is the prospect of trying to fight for a future that they don't want.

No, they just love me and want to know I'm okay and are sad when I'm not. Well, I'm tired of being sad and not good enough and miserable. I can't get over the time that I have lost and I don't want to. I can't forgive myself for not making things happen for myself and letting my youth pass me by. I can't forgive myself for not making the effort to improve my situation.

I just want my life to end. It might be selfish, but it's my life. Not my parent's, not my sister's and not all the other people who are worse off than me but who are still fighting. What these people are fighting for, might be enough for them, and they might have the persistance and hope to get there, but whatever I can possibly fight for is not enough for me, and I definitely don't have the hope or persistence to get there.

I just want to be dead.",5.4249019607843145,4.845089464052291,5.9293464052287606,84.61205882352941,67.75816993464052,9.030065359477122,27.15032679738562,8.313332769828598,1.5137503267973855,1160,28,252,14,17,376,126,306,0.266,0.648,0.086,-0.9962,2,0,0,0,6,2,24.0,0,0,14,4,9,23,6,2,11,1,38,8,2,2,2,61,63,24,2,10,19,3,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,0,12,19,0,1,4,0,1,2,23,14,1,1,4,2,40,9,37,48,5,22,0,5,1,1,27,9,0,9,11,186,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904037421085004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194384018982399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507115389659632,0.2977337481292576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185132337612732,0.0,0.08632290033505073,0.0,0.09054671381876676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778730261792225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007271398260612,0.0,0.0,0.08056157975013797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493606184847878,0.0,0.0,0.09482877969583796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861958242929185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537301401780344,0.10626429837619533,0.0,0.052786172849736836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435782468047462,0.09821689720751466,0.2713697903176335,0.0,0.0,0.0848132746953939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484913620566484,0.0,0.08668822598187408,0.0,0.12822728160519978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075724337615709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330271943688653,0.0,0.18337981354894126,0.19976543282828668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828113248930388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615316287952311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638224326816848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107963415983078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670507975912595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381087429305704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600710807178424,0.11039451891765027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521115685711007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965664807767856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635983853951062,0.0,0.08666953645762493,0.0,0.0,0.092588079213305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978824229062918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185258776835256
suicidewatch,chelsea2311,2018/02/03,"I’m suicidal, help me... I’m 18/F and I hate myself so badly, everything I do is wrong and I want it to be over... but this is not the solution right? Help me",-3.2533333333333303,-1.7858307777777769,1.1722222222222245,97.345,106.77777777777777,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.0057000000000004825,116,3,31,3,6,44,27,36,0.292,0.545,0.162,-0.6416,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000070635961197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229227457307312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35474213441413577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816729834681894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30684695821119395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930244923369817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119290913868806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928467513344643,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Freudemarcus,2018/02/03,"I'm honestly soo lost and not even sure what to do anymore. I'm 21 years old and i have strabismus (its similar to lazy eye) and i honestly feel as if it has ruined my life and i don't really want to continue living if the surgery i will have soon doesn't work but i also do not want to cause my family any trauma and i really need help.  

I have had this problem with my appearance since i was 1 year old and i suffered so much bullying in my school years because of it. I have also never been in a reltionship or know what it's like to have mutual feelings with someone. I have friends but i don't spend much time with them because of social anxiety. I feel as if my youth has been robbed from me because of this stupid eye problem. I feel like my life will not be getting any better if i continue to live with this problem.  

 I have been working and have saved money for 2 years to try to get it fixed with surgery , if my eye problem is fixed, then i can begin to try and fix my emotional damage and my underdeveloped social skills but if it does not work, i am not even sure how i can continue to live like this. (the doctor has told me that it is likely not going to work)  please help me. I don't want to die but i feel like its my only option",2.916261757054233,3.8149249087452484,4.569637782669601,86.95484490694417,73.67680608365019,8.122393436061637,24.868721232739645,8.532816995589336,1.4346851711026614,973,29,216,17,19,329,120,263,0.18600000000000005,0.662,0.151,-0.8616,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,7,7,22,1,0,3,0,30,6,3,2,3,53,49,27,1,14,17,0,5,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,15,14,0,0,6,0,2,2,11,10,0,0,7,8,35,12,26,39,2,19,0,4,3,0,7,2,0,9,20,146,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568883927704385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341194850135624,0.0,0.07504016835657297,0.0,0.09728097958788187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938805412315376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867544683584468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076758102079107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018040863914682,0.0,0.0,0.10040139457234712,0.08584103525863218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034038076537754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957777990542085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247247768747817,0.0,0.2479915005384376,0.14015399497214967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578569328322456,0.0,0.10249812045078126,0.0,0.055747986362545854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149809943428026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053908838710863966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857066602345286,0.2396141634266021,0.0,0.2598512962348805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070790865777414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421792247168755,0.07273403017996516,0.07565465489166655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586226224864546,0.0,0.0,0.07460344271015361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767564109421436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754434699588541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568058918692393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992744160866216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114277752393373,0.0,0.0,0.1999850334636527,0.08311309624120539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849012383284395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719827736514519,0.0,0.0,0.09373118064574662,0.0,0.1331961590458939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357174071638065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856487934716824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526723191200477
suicidewatch,Thisguy3859,2018/02/03,"Thinking about it. Ever since I got married everything in my life has gotten so bad. While I love my wife, we got stuck raising her mentally challenged brother. She deals with her problems by working so she is never home and this I’m left to take care of him when I’m not working.

I work a job in customer service, so I spend all day getting yelled and then go home to be yelled at by him. I pity him because their parents abused him and it messed him up that much more. She says she will work to get him into a care facility but I know she is lying. She can’t stand the idea of him being away and not being there to take care of him. She has told me outright that he will always be her priority now. 

I also have a chronic medical condition that is only going to get progressively worse with time so I’m in constant pain. I’m thinking of enduring 2-3 years to make sure she is at a point where they are stable financially and then just ending it. It’s not because I’m just upset, I know that can pass. I just don’t want or have any more reason to live this life.",1.7931081081081075,3.59635943693694,3.4624234234234237,90.00904054054054,78.50450450450452,6.0616216216216205,23.26216216216217,6.961326702584282,0.6914605405405401,833,27,180,9,20,277,129,222,0.128,0.792,0.08,-0.8724,2,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,2,6,14,12,0,1,5,0,18,6,0,2,4,30,45,16,0,2,8,3,0,0,0,2,5,3,2,0,10,9,0,0,6,0,1,3,6,6,0,0,5,3,34,6,24,34,4,27,0,1,0,1,30,11,0,1,12,122,44,7,0.0,0.14550124080249435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820535726621346,0.10218176970100164,0.0,0.0,0.08351011719093886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153772759271565,0.0,0.1025352111063227,0.14971889790242945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756169263939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270620364871258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919764877269968,0.12660429773611612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876683373753328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108216599097263,0.0,0.0,0.11036724104972756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247818835226801,0.0,0.13958332597916406,0.0,0.1964332397664041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24636244846207656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386294170836735,0.0,0.0,0.12186283328664713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497841801856011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342560487693078,0.0,0.17347850307017074,0.0,0.0,0.10843712498295774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083432433316806,0.0,0.08197182464411497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237109046062813,0.12375634199042135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027419014513476,0.0,0.0947130922981592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339706545863223,0.13067084073256888,0.0,0.1363579801030757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608834229688607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117505697679387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626173435779856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765771796332832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015837477278596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574018860387697,0.0,0.1846648498573696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737415532454535,0.0,0.0,0.07160730203763631,0.0,0.0,0.11734334095407932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072432274975295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35760761290474635,0.0,0.12514654768896366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908097894397731
suicidewatch,Justaspareacc123,2018/02/03,Really struggling Really want to stay and live happily like a lot of people but don't know how,7.157894736842106,6.470840578947367,8.588421052631581,67.32894736842107,64.26315789473685,13.915789473684216,29.52631578947368,13.023866798666859,4.312852631578947,77,2,14,3,1,27,18,19,0.1,0.633,0.267,0.3468,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165166770956093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814998990453616,0.0,0.3400676742428149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274149232012037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26699344876537395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934349716342897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104862659592313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026106382309101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715352601644345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorldEnoughAndTime0,2018/02/03,"I give up It doesn't matter how good things get, I'm a final year university student about to graduate with stellar grades in a great course and have landed some super amazing graduate job when I finish.  Still cutting myself, still hate myself, still plan on killing myself. 

It's mostly because I feel extremely lonely and can't seem to fix it, more on that later.

To remove any doubt that I'm serious in case any of that came across badly, on February 14th, I intend to kill myself with a rope and while listening to a particular song. 

I don't enjoy anything anymore, nothing. All the films I used to love, the music I enjoyed, my favourite food, alcohol or a nice coffee. None of it makes me happy anymore, I'm just numb all the time. Therapy and meds only made it worse.

It's all because of how extremely lonely I am. I get an enormous amount of pressure from my parents (who are fucking awful human beings if I'm honest) to find a girlfriend. I keep disappointing them and keep facing the consequences (my educational or career success isn't enough since I'm missing that thing that'd make me perfect enough for them). 

Before I start drowning in unsolicited dating advice, yes I've tried everything you're about to suggest to me. I tried adopting countless personas now,  meeting girls in god knows how many ways, societies, dating apps, mutual friends. Everything.

I'm a defective human being. While I succeeded in some areas, I failed in some more crucial ones.

Sorry everyone for being so fucking annoying, it's okay if you hate me.

I hope my removal from the gene pool does us all justice enough to give someone the future I couldn't enjoy,

",6.707410865874357,7.327730661290321,7.1408998302207145,72.92608658743634,64.96774193548387,9.494057724957557,34.05772495755518,9.414487439383343,3.2796774193548384,1315,55,219,23,19,430,185,310,0.191,0.659,0.15,-0.8514,2,4,1,0,0,3,40.0,1,1,2,6,12,36,8,2,14,3,12,7,1,8,5,40,41,16,3,4,5,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,15,8,2,2,4,3,0,3,6,19,0,1,2,3,32,17,33,34,15,34,0,5,0,3,17,14,2,11,16,141,47,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579324795620204,0.0,0.11570010985136685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724496211593502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473540136284108,0.0,0.0,0.08909113794629422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039499513801454,0.1319921118017229,0.0,0.0921237496623445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382391025700283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947415889403747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33559353293407995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034498356279124,0.19459941829623845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054740972622081004,0.0,0.0,0.11859670956779365,0.09895032463539087,0.0,0.13091192230948853,0.0,0.08364364407963673,0.20017460371003573,0.11312578844897388,0.2077112677133269,0.0,0.09080577978470247,0.0,0.11936022388252678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152478648132338,0.0,0.2137743900509245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752948273294692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743421799783924,0.19245807081988608,0.2395537055567281,0.0,0.05949845574449818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771148955682066,0.10244096888774028,0.14453264610681696,0.10976158294469336,0.0,0.0,0.12025567016539272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038811675696932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336173948297715,0.08233881012136797,0.0,0.0,0.12021313279070177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855847349131873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955618545944483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173079956365328,0.0,0.0,0.12119144728130185,0.07662903427074624,0.0,0.25937666326472336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380805557868126,0.0,0.1438501135875441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312896467172073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700679821418935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022693256460885,0.0935043809453829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593404678730722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032913911058984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971775480851823
suicidewatch,TheBlindSeer,2018/02/03,"Suicidal friend in Brazil please help A very very important online friend of mine began deleting her social media accounts and telling people she's sorry and doesn't deserve them and goodbye.

Please can somebody direct me to a resource that will give me the phone number of someone in Brazil if I have their address and name? That's all I have. I don't care if it costs money or anything.

Or any other resource I could use or can someone check up on her address or something I don't know just please help.

Update: Someone on /r/Brasil came through and was able to find her Mother's phone number and [call her](https://www.reddit.com/r/brasil/comments/7uvtbk/please_help_brasilian_friend_in_danger/dtnwryx/). She's okay for now. I feel so relieved. Thank you everyone in this thread for their advice.",6.291382978723407,8.95363,4.558457446808512,83.30875,68.14893617021275,6.402127659574468,28.77127659574468,7.1686216300943375,1.6855574468085108,654,24,105,6,12,186,93,141,0.058,0.722,0.22,0.9601,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,3,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,10,0,0,1,1,21,18,13,1,3,7,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,18,6,13,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,21,6,0,6,3,65,23,0,0.1552641287362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172230964160782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558493177451887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277691485888294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854203501003408,0.17758080043846766,0.1583021270583899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396577283878887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836152870558894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850620865415307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419086008181136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23991336142467126,0.0,0.0,0.1489435001045583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814054532913492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532910464570945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764059728876074,0.0,0.0,0.511300165228962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827222637386176,0.3946643772813564,0.11952991182021334,0.0,0.17380548045883415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983375644967705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570769205901298,0.14294634934680375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409835611168186,0.0,0.2562183335648634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,belovicha21,2018/02/03,"This user is at risk I believe. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7uvqd3/how_does_somebody_hang_themself_with_a_belt/?utm_source=reddit-android](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7uvqd3/how_does_somebody_hang_themself_with_a_belt/?utm_source=reddit-android)

They also wrote a poem recently about hanging. I don't know how else to get them help, so I'm posting here. 

EDIT: [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/7utbnx/i_will_be_free/?utm_source=reddit-android) is the poem. 

u/Meemraud",31.426,41.278190711111115,13.880000000000004,11.580000000000013,19.666666666666657,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222214,8.841846274778883,3.554688888888889,462,10,29,5,5,99,41,45,0.059,0.8490000000000001,0.092,0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402778962878129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794008218175516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35545660530878304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230991206265016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285208458390006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338475894095365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075182072997859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201369550384294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SCTalopram,2018/02/03,"I want to drown or hang myself I'm having a hard time getting over this breakup. We were together for 5 years, and had lived together for 3. The last two years, we were living in New Orleans. I left my job to come live with him for his new job. I was still working remotely for my previous employer. It was incredibly hard for me to get work, for a number of reasons. After a year, I was accepted to an alternative teacher certification program and successfully completed it. I was hired to work at a school that turned out to be a nightmare. I resigned after a month, when my body couldn't take it anymore and collapsed. I think I either had catatonic depression or PTSD for a few months after. Meanwhile, I was still looking for work and applying to jobs, but I had a real problem speaking about what happened. I couldn't even talk to my boyfriend. It was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I lost 10 lbs from the stress, and haven't gained it back since.

And then he cheated on me with a married woman with kids who convinced him I was abusing him by not talking (I'm also autistic, and he knows it, so, this is like par for the course? And he does it too?), just as I was starting to recover. I had no where else to go, really, but a friend let me stay with her for a bit until my parents could come pick me up from out of state with some of my things (I threw everything else out or donated it).

My ex and I talked a lot before I left and even saw a movie. It was everything we should have talked about sooner. We even talked about marriage and couples counseling. He told me he loves me. But he was still talking to the other woman. I blew up in a fit of major depression, as much as one can over text. Then I guess he called my parents or something, because they were concerned.

I really want(ed) to die. I had lost so much. I lost the city, the man, the hobbies, and the communities I loved most. I lost everything that defined me. I lost autonomy - now I live with my parents, at 30 years old, with no reliable transportation and nothing is within walking distance. New Orleans was the closest I've ever felt to being at home and free and like myself, especially as a queer black woman. This place can never compare.

I just don't know what I can do. I feel so powerless, alone and heartbroken on so many levels. It's been a month, and I can't stop crying, and the intrusive thoughts of dying are only getting worse. I can barely eat, my chest hurts, I've been having non stop migraines. I can't concentrate on finding work or doing the work I have. I can't sleep. Nothing brings me joy because everything reminds me of him (we had a lot of the same hobbies). It's not like I want to die. I just feel like I'm dying, like I can't live anymore. I keep the suicide hotline website open in my phone's browser.",3.0677999230473247,4.706128782300887,4.320925355906116,85.96036456329357,74.45132743362831,7.249326664101577,27.68083878414775,7.967736418589885,1.7189176606387069,2202,87,447,33,46,724,259,565,0.172,0.73,0.098,-0.9938,8,1,1,0,0,5,79.0,5,0,1,13,24,26,1,1,32,0,48,8,3,2,3,81,85,39,6,7,14,4,5,5,1,1,1,1,1,5,23,36,1,3,10,0,2,8,13,13,0,3,32,9,74,14,71,46,12,66,0,9,3,3,43,25,1,10,36,315,97,15,0.0,0.07072953456094495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061826647140715674,0.0,0.04773855654096605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840400586452338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590223813778682,0.0,0.07277977772018378,0.0,0.05079656603454519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517214344258934,0.06630836361930817,0.0,0.0,0.060955890636089624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284496180516788,0.06258970974389852,0.0,0.0,0.04766208590233688,0.06605205536410164,0.06557282283498693,0.0,0.0,0.10283148023693177,0.0,0.247818467560526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052240029270048303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061083510508913974,0.09973604183823052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182851592122374,0.1079961910321858,0.0,0.0,0.21460225485826995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036778660843758,0.042646554632057736,0.05731714567064571,0.0,0.05456070468151848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612067903699277,0.0,0.09356547476986482,0.0,0.033926389989952864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576144289268812,0.0,0.1055772588775258,0.0,0.10695107958678507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987956259655052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390538354107071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777160407245438,0.05306019967226505,0.0,0.0,0.06561429050068801,0.04865988838500182,0.0,0.0,0.12971890657988228,0.061042804180888914,0.0,0.14582129482956202,0.0,0.2635615798487449,0.0,0.0501292764073083,0.0,0.32582404208998245,0.101502143203825,0.10775523466638924,0.0,0.0,0.06052197741127454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294539549901,0.0,0.08776628180784786,0.0,0.046040933383997486,0.17296317199573835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455909268870032,0.0,0.06264049922665718,0.0,0.08090257849283708,0.045401200242781166,0.0,0.0,0.1988547261831144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062369205308071024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057120635255638826,0.06978097179858263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794667149201962,0.07648507078252638,0.061377027815914476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041514278697557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938082421923089,0.0,0.059738719943203025,0.0,0.0,0.0459565958781419,0.0,0.0,0.04225285893989659,0.06362757589548397,0.14301897015305665,0.09981640337787866,0.06838111783337232,0.0,0.0,0.06529730669729071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044883668373344274,0.2878864132424329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931821946793029,0.038250535516519565,0.0,0.047391645075835306,0.03480898936911468,0.0,0.0,0.05704171211003184,0.0,0.0,0.06493168001018007,0.05831393538226923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563004963951833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26075468370613725,0.0,0.06083492498847307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376805867721552
suicidewatch,blueraspberryslushie,2018/02/03,"I know I need help but I don’t know how to go about getting it im so discouraged after years of not being taken seriously. since I was 11 it’s just gotten worse and worse and I cry at least 5 times a week, I cry when thinking of killing myself, but the same way one would a cry with a relative who’s dying. I’m just so sick of always being miserable of always crying. every night it feels like I’ll do something but then I don’t. I know I need help but I don’t know how to get it? I just don’t want to keep going on like this. ",-0.664925662572724,1.17587178991597,2.1598319327731126,95.8816612798966,87.40336134453781,5.006076276664512,15.876535229476405,6.297961479604792,-0.570023141564318,409,8,100,4,13,143,69,119,0.328,0.564,0.108,-0.9897,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,4,0,9,1,0,2,0,26,26,12,2,4,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,3,1,12,2,12,20,2,12,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,9,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235257437299215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6211403095639485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467166893626526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910784521248485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147943317160456,0.10099265595387218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477169083430163,0.0,0.1606843160754006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951072093796975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270068357490912,0.0,0.0,0.12565353840604646,0.15640170668474174,0.0,0.31076655656549435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381296096393195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096437675590607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266340939973106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579397850543307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694029292914045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883126940443252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058230393522493,0.0,0.0,0.08243226956520425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338195471805833,0.11221059218120548,0.1133961284511194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881302230554438,0.10042310344805387,0.0,0.0,0.09103575177799507
suicidewatch,Aulus_X,2018/02/03,"I don't want anymore I'm in.my bed crying my eyes out and I so.desperately want it all to stop. I can't trust a single person in this universe, as everyone shows they don't care the slightest bit about me. But when they need a free ride or a meal or want me to do.something for them, they are all there. But hey, when I ask to spend time,  nobody's there. Ever. Ffs, I just want to take a knife, make two deep cuts down my wrists and wait for.it to end. It can't be worse like that, and since everyone let's me know I'm a fucking failure, I'm sure nobody would miss me. But I can't take this pain any longer, I can't stand being alone and godforsaken anymore. I can't stand people anymore. I don't know a single irl person that would come if I told them now that I want to.desperately kill myself. 
I just hope some of them will have regrets when they read about my funeral..",2.2488524590163905,3.7190267814207663,3.3537923497267776,92.74708196721312,76.26775956284153,6.410054644808742,20.39672131147541,7.03164865440522,0.1805777049180328,683,15,156,7,15,220,104,183,0.223,0.706,0.071,-0.9721,0,1,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,7,0,11,12,3,0,7,0,16,5,2,1,4,34,38,14,2,11,8,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,7,6,1,2,2,2,2,2,8,6,0,1,1,1,27,7,13,31,6,16,0,2,1,1,12,4,1,5,9,95,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362674908642878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430459008315677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125886626787349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964355276029155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139852355812494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138965618137586,0.0,0.0,0.11945729072429866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232932413065176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228259762443955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254405871012774,0.0,0.26502215635408666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820393768766053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773678427110034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342469909185194,0.0,0.15242565583053022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180583817955114,0.0,0.06775019993005955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925674586679952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282666550137128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756128341828556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614063515521924,0.24217346565296516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871375521645668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471440839537042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675973500606503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593953566684052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070070321515687,0.0,0.2085345291606953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086322343651076,0.0,0.0,0.13251107817704333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354665237843019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089741596648629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132292322313367,0.197023226344252,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PvtPeckers,2018/02/03,"Im tired, tired of fighting with doctors. Tired of being caged. Their poison doesnt help
To day I have run out of pharmaceuticals options. Im purchasing a 12 gauge shot gun. But I dont want to leave a huge mess. Im tired in being in physical and emotional pain for so long. I have no future. Im going to buy thr shot gun and prepare the paperwork. Im so tired. Even food has no appeal. Help me die please",-0.5949224806201556,1.6074018720930248,2.023604651162792,93.31897286821709,94.23255813953487,5.192248062015505,17.631782945736436,6.816661863887847,0.10594108527131807,315,9,71,5,12,108,56,86,0.408,0.498,0.094,-0.9853,0,0,0,2,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,7,9,0,0,0,7,9,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,11,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,34,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398581276215623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906270171359375,0.0,0.0,0.11742221473928988,0.0,0.0,0.1344526271751786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904613466609824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577240317379721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872157305405647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519881575179631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379067328048154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195939950294884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147339883821387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101524829513715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220716587642684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125929647736565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6592768693045405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676656544393081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BustyBorisYeltsin,2018/02/04,"My boyfriend is in the hospital, again, and I’m just so broken My boyfriend was originally hospitalized in September 2017 because of stomach pain. Ends up it was cancer, a rather rare one, and he had to have surgery/a colostomy. I’ve been with him for nearly three years, and I love and adore this man with all of my heart. It makes it ten times harder because we’re in an international LDR and it isn’t easy for me to go and see him at a moments notice (yes, before you ask, Ive met him before and this is a legitimate relationship).

I hadn’t taken antidepressants since 2010 but I knew with everything my bf would be going through, I’d need them to help myself and be the support system he needed me to be. 

Last week was supposed to be a celebration. It was his last bit of his first round of chemo that he started in November. He was about to have three weeks to do whatever he wanted. Instead, he got sick on the days when his immune system was the worst. His stoma/colostomy got blocked, and we find out tomorrow if he needs to have invasive surgery or if keyhole surgery will fix it up. We don’t know what the blockage is yet, we just know it’s there.

I’ve been finding this all out through my boyfriend’s mom. Apparently, according to her after we spoke today, my BF asked her to lie to me about what was wrong exactly - because he “didn’t want me to worry”, so she was lying but she felt the need to tell me the truth because his situation has been escalating. Originally I just thought he got sick/dehydrated and didn’t know about the blockage until today. And I’m just so, so mad. He’s my person. Why would he tell his mom to lie to me? I haven’t spoken to him except for a bit on Thursday because he’s been mostly sleeping and out of it, and I want him to focus on getting better, but holy fuck I’m so sad and hurt right now. 

I feel weak and broken. I feel like I’m not strong enough to be the supportive person he needs right now, and I feel like I don’t know myself outside of this relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love him so goddamn much. But the fact that he wanted to keep the truth from me about how he’s doing just hurt so fucking bad. 

I keep humoring the idea of just killing myself. I’ve tried before from taking pills but all I did was throw up - that was back in 2010. But I live in a big city and I could just go jump off of a bridge or a building and that’s it. I won’t have to feel this sad or be this broken any more. I won’t have to feel like I’m an awful girlfriend and hurt every single damn day knowing how much pain he’s in and how I can’t do shit about it.

I just don’t want to feel anything at all any more. ",3.264752631334908,4.090241383363473,4.47128390596745,88.26090369546068,72.77938517179024,7.40778040524876,25.391060416376877,7.61054688173877,1.0519223721426254,2067,62,463,24,39,681,228,553,0.198,0.716,0.086,-0.9979,1,0,0,0,0,1,54.0,4,1,1,3,32,31,6,0,22,2,51,15,4,6,8,100,105,43,1,16,22,2,8,3,3,5,7,1,0,3,22,30,0,3,17,0,0,5,13,18,0,5,28,10,60,13,68,65,14,56,0,5,2,4,57,23,4,6,29,298,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180244119948603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061595963636649174,0.0,0.1399510898158209,0.0,0.0,0.057555769154325774,0.062497426363693924,0.22814225708297936,0.0,0.19107796572407254,0.0,0.0,0.06619959278807525,0.16343572755710228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976240211586362,0.0,0.0,0.09654535586252436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629573498683185,0.0773410521996894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306516339753719,0.0,0.06727121781918359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270813710627721,0.16042062565198512,0.07186866128187462,0.0,0.1368248456260668,0.0636681896529239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839701563287626,0.07821307609597214,0.0,0.12761857916208594,0.0,0.17959545514007802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886987498246806,0.05017102173335843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403885073164228,0.08449762469445429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306194763106008,0.08281149885744918,0.0,0.20568065471810096,0.12202704776858868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970519682899038,0.0,0.06609477037781394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511183034283147,0.0,0.04996359805882627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532908302062505,0.0,0.0,0.11004813839584053,0.27750519776428684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521831582832164,0.0,0.0,0.05072094870130402,0.0,0.1592934009390676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071394497061192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072384101886972,0.0,0.12784462436220853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596465253650592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683343638917889,0.06191748887888601,0.0841356169094304,0.0749050180146987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052979895837650594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987996827549134,0.0,0.0,0.056278607765073804,0.0,0.13084607916079302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942330253354465,0.043646197612636536,0.0,0.14189991890374298,0.0,0.0,0.050818889543199935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207451822052273,0.0,0.12008185282271162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675413504724561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760147848015359,0.0,0.1063439510057639,0.16367555229829342,0.0,0.04820156515009397
suicidewatch,Yarlala,2018/02/04,"Advice? I need help im not going anywhere in life and I'm having daily sucidal thoughts.

I visited my GP before and got put on meds but that was a while ago and i just felt judged. I was referred to recive some kind of councelling put i didnt call the number due to anxiety and just my inbuilt shame for feeling like i did and still do.

I have looked into private but everything i found was £250 plus a little too pricey. 

Ive wasted 4 years if my life pretending im ok but im really not, every aspect of my life is being affected, and i need to know why i cant just man up and move on with my life.

What steps should i take, i just need to know? If anyone relates idk.

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suicidewatch,skawithhorns,2018/02/04,I don’t know what to do anymore I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after a long time of being addicted to self harm and had multiple suicide attempts and hospitalizations. I have severe anxiety as well to the point where I can’t go out or make friends or go to college or get a job. My family hates me I hear my mom and dad talk about how much I stress them out and they can’t wait till I’m out of the house. I’ve been kicked out before as well for being suicidal and self medicating. I have no one I just want to feel loved. Nothing helps nothing makes it go away. I tried to hang myself today but my brother caught me and untied the rope. I’ve been crying all day idk what I hoped to accomplish by posting this my mind is a mess I can’t think straight. I just want it to end....I feel like there’s no hope for me to get better and be able to function in normal society.,3.0242239382239404,4.240026437837842,4.616544401544402,85.50033783783786,73.81081081081079,8.096525096525099,25.646718146718143,8.634040054169528,1.6199420849420845,701,23,152,13,14,236,116,185,0.16,0.685,0.155,0.2519,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,2,3,8,12,1,1,6,0,15,4,0,3,1,33,36,15,2,5,6,3,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,3,5,12,0,1,4,0,0,5,6,4,2,1,5,3,22,8,27,28,2,21,0,0,0,1,13,9,0,5,7,98,27,3,0.12749259510059413,0.0,0.0,0.13898574727348226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753148628937612,0.0,0.12643839605753632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978348989660152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848680815727356,0.0,0.0,0.11275683979062955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004462912694227,0.08222217664064646,0.0,0.0,0.12940230032905933,0.0,0.0,0.14611755942572194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292059745205535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018867211044733,0.0,0.12892817361344755,0.09108073541408948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850046271566283,0.0,0.13321923775450253,0.0,0.2173709395910241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258725427883468,0.0,0.0,0.14369342055794534,0.0,0.08545559906736354,0.0,0.0,0.2532578278078568,0.0,0.14710933726260442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651672820719265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700665960478788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062286442066424114,0.0,0.0,0.11282693470602773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506704472153233,0.0,0.17020459445174432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843537666257274,0.0,0.0,0.12873117699814404,0.14931778650121666,0.0,0.0,0.09372172688494268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491567395755696,0.2446651669866492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639228197445775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132161642320117,0.0,0.0,0.12052171161859893,0.0,0.12210266389799868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660051635834809,0.1440303431392582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460423369352157,0.0,0.0,0.2789124123090561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024737186081882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169210701509955,0.0,0.0,0.07434195747144724,0.0,0.12084807283750268,0.0,0.0,0.08655910323956689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039687161913634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292623084811535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,just_kinda_gay,2018/02/04,"Someone talk to me Empty apologies and lonely scars, I wish you loved me still, fading apart. 
Says it won’t happen again, says that isn’t him. Just for the bliss to end in fists. 
You mean the words you always try, breaking my heart time after time. You were just mad, now things are fine. 
But the feelings remain every time. 
Disappointment, stupid, slut..no one even wants you, you’re never enough. 
Echos in my head, whispers in my heart..losing myself, I’m falling apart. 
Scars on my skin, I’ll open again. Finally feeling numb, fading voices as he calls me dumb. 
Dissociating again, I wish I had some friends.~~~~
A bite of this, a drink of that. It’s all wack. You’ll never make it till your brain goes splat. ",1.645689136968656,4.304697416058399,2.0230141691713186,94.91222842421641,85.78832116788321,4.09944182052383,16.088020609703733,5.5289334501034215,-0.7357398883641051,554,11,112,3,17,168,98,137,0.146,0.743,0.111,-0.6369,0,2,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,7,0,0,8,9,3,0,5,0,6,7,4,1,3,17,16,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,7,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,7,19,3,12,12,3,25,0,2,0,1,16,7,1,1,16,64,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748721105103795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445483283059266,0.1687215125916698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186557466499268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634752039608495,0.17073000573109134,0.0,0.10913493222271813,0.0,0.13921604894246548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709368302390756,0.0,0.0,0.1810048309975205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765871596122952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611512215811978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957687389372428,0.0,0.0,0.3916041386871428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912936217373118,0.0,0.11029440562697196,0.0,0.0,0.1799873318594892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548759714809637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196625357645193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628000536627081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000150537730793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195540098323671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280814096331656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977355777313384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289046322358246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218245752018703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745878844705094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38001991857559897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaylife1980,2018/02/04,"A dark mistake in my past forces my hand in the present. Glad i found you guys. Seems like an amazing sub. In the last few days ive found journaling very cathartic, so i may ramble on here for a while. Bear with me. Im not expecting sympathy, once you read my circumstance you’ll understand. 

A few days ago i was a (relatively) normal 37yo man. Ive been with my beloved girlfriend and best friend for 6yrs, we share everything together. We had so many crazy adventures together, traveling the country, living in different places, just being the perfect duo. We recently discovered FIRE systems (Financial Independence / Retire Early). We set up a 10yr plan to retire and our dream was to buy a little homestead, maybe in AZ, somewhere warm. We minimized our whole life, shedding the need for superficial materialism and i even started eating super healthy vegetarian and vegan meals with her. We joined a gym and went together after work, working out right next to each other. 

A few days ago, a typical morning around 6am. She always hops out of bed and showers first, then i come in right after her. We get ready and I drop her off at work on my way to work. We have good jobs. “Grown-up” jobs we call them. My skills are in demand. I applied for a job last Sunday and on Tuesday they called to schedule an interview - in another state! We lived in the Midwest so long, she really wanted to move somewhere warm, so we found jobs in warm states and i applied. All we have is a cat so its easy and fun for us to move around whenever we want. 

Except this morning was different. Almost as soon as she jumped in the shower, BANG BANG BANG on the door “Police open up”!

It was the FBI. 

I have battled depression, schizophrenic tendencies and extreme sexuality issues my whole life. Some due to early childhood trauma, others probably just bad luck genetics. 

I had downloaded some things I shouldn’t have, almost a lifetime ago it seemed. Videos and photos. I wasn’t a ‘collector’, I never touched a kid, never chatted with them online, never fraternized with like-minded weirdos online or irl. I just went through periods of dark fantasies that would culminate in trolling dark areas of the web and the nihilistic fingerprints of that activity on my hard drive was suddenly blowing up my life. 

After a few hrs, as suddenly as it began, we were alone in our apartment, our phones and kindles and laptops and hard drives and flash drives seized, our apartment a mess, a federal search warrant shaking in my hand. 

We called in to work. Crying. Made up some excuse. We lay in bed all weekend. 

“Hope for the best, Plan for the worst” is what she keeps telling me. 

Monday is tomorrow and I will be contacting a Criminal Defense Attorney. But from what little I know and can research, I am facing many many years in prison. The best case scenario might be 0 years in jail, in-patient treatment, probation, sex-offender lists, tens of thousands of dollars in fines. And the worst case scenario is of course the classic brutality of prison. 

For a guy like me, suicide is a much more acceptable fate. 

Everything became a blur. Suddenly cleaning the apartment, doing dishes, laundry, eating healthy. None of that mattered. 

We just grabbed junk food, candy, laid in bed snuggling all weekend. Crying. 

At least I have my GF. If I didnt have her, Id be dead already. 

Our whole life plan changed. Instead of preparing for my out-of-state interview, i canceled it. We have to move out of our designer apartment into something my GF can afford on her own. We have to draw up a budget so she can live on her income alone. No more savings. No more trips. No more adventures. 

When you have a terminal illness, they call this “putting your affairs in order”. 

Because of me. My disgusting nihilism. 

My fate is in a crime lab somewhere. I have no idea when the hammer will fall. Will they come to my work? Will they pound on my door at any moment? Will months go by? Will this anxiety clear up only to be surprised on a random day this spring? This summer?

There is no support group for this. There is no cultural or social understanding. There is no love lost for people like me. Its amazing the lust for life I feel right now. The true appreciation for Freedom. The intense anxiety and fear of being locked in a cage. 

Remember Legends of the Fall? The guy goes into the woods and fights his Grizzly bear to the death. Thats how I see this going down. No not an actual grizzly but ill go into the woods with a rope. In the meantime I carry a pistol with me now. In case I see police lights in my rear view mirror. I wont be taken alive. I hope to God she isn’t next to me if they barge in.

Oh thats another thing. God. Ive been a cynical atheist my whole life. Logically I still am. But I’d be lying if I wasn’t hoping divine forgiveness is real. That maybe heaven exists. That perhaps ill see her and my family one day on the other side. 

Its surreal to think this is how my silly inconsequential life may end. The saddest part is that i was so happy with her. She didn’t deserve this. I think of her sobbing. I think of my parents and brothers and few friends that will hurt. That will say “I wish i could have helped him”. 

But I don’t think anyone can help me now. I dug a big hole and now I’m slowly lowering myself into it. 

",2.6230035831701812,5.194554094861663,3.7231040596948795,85.21542407003805,79.69169960474308,6.787130139263418,25.56466329282258,7.943695915731214,1.7379097262753491,4152,163,777,76,107,1340,471,1012,0.11,0.7709999999999999,0.119,0.9208,12,2,1,1,1,2,148.0,27,5,7,17,29,55,6,2,62,0,75,21,3,4,9,142,115,52,3,16,16,2,11,3,5,15,11,1,8,5,34,66,5,2,18,9,3,20,22,18,0,4,24,17,127,37,122,67,30,155,2,4,4,2,91,71,1,21,60,527,161,16,0.0,0.0,0.05288215039477315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441099333028456,0.0,0.10852799689641224,0.1122501137780093,0.05980060891408606,0.0,0.04509087076383105,0.0,0.0,0.03685142577533669,0.11364701323345636,0.08291123022861495,0.0,0.0,0.03789128587188994,0.0,0.0,0.09648214011540716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045246837731094884,0.03303405047679206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060888671874982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133840263949814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057326406381451825,0.09336070446979346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326673702083465,0.0,0.11905152817392975,0.17474207757697888,0.0,0.046674233079005235,0.0,0.0,0.11323516179263335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090090311674712,0.0,0.0,0.047996734229610184,0.0,0.0,0.035792340880689444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740592705129224,0.0,0.05108601869684762,0.06097942386753957,0.02740036549249169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046094446019171294,0.06552741660928676,0.17825139161155085,0.08373495424454548,0.0,0.028312320750379306,0.0,0.09239319886897336,0.045452454272394964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097146459521336,0.0,0.057686837972588285,0.09708816026343704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264555394528187,0.0,0.0,0.16147030205923915,0.0,0.0,0.058012094341668624,0.06117452406702521,0.05853508282390747,0.056560845080051075,0.2151029986159509,0.048167042252347324,0.0,0.0,0.02978170382344433,0.08834504635533856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267934669246303,0.10589904316577826,0.10862631578312612,0.14355372008868267,0.047956923016866534,0.0,0.0,0.05915537634277745,0.0,0.04890907849146819,0.05127639964140534,0.0,0.1648221074084037,0.10888336316116408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748759975193014,0.05471699786275233,0.0,0.043254372375196616,0.17278790531761176,0.03983628247049121,0.040181599094039705,0.12538525659584168,0.0,0.11526450908283167,0.0,0.053095223894818064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057711156985890626,0.036720912667666,0.041214347927612485,0.0,0.0,0.06017218214595633,0.05868307447219798,0.05173100264210801,0.037568897519115234,0.0,0.056617580896316674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584265680828512,0.0,0.0,0.05447646067481615,0.0,0.0,0.05420520517474225,0.0616806988454132,0.03471584783708803,0.0,0.05350662109381567,0.0,0.06138731850953672,0.13883527634355533,0.0,0.04309449281080451,0.0,0.0,0.12954853398495794,0.09866606553332828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552404316078863,0.0,0.041718525544742216,0.0,0.0,0.03835634344407268,0.0,0.04327663560006232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059275655766084324,0.06149478310990077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736492089358792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200357428149243,0.13889244079585727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282852747036495,0.06518454784994103,0.0,0.0,0.04471287115954119,0.06392596956576854,0.043013928643118565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047034780840752,0.0,0.2420072126037995,0.062316447126900126,0.0,0.0,0.23670815310060106,0.0,0.0,0.03849540512948657,0.0,0.0,0.06979386267969816
suicidewatch,carsonrae,2018/02/04,"I don’t know anymore. I truly thought I might have been getting better. Might. Such a shit fucking word. i don’t know. I don’t know anything. I don’t know if I’ll get better. I don’t know if I’ll survive through any of this. I was getting better, I was happier than ever. But. Fuck that word too. But now my lows feel so much lower. Is that normal? Maybe it’s the same, I’m just no longer used to it. I don’t know. All I want is a gun to my temple. That’s what replays in my mind when I get bad. And god sometimes I start sobbing because I want it so bad. I just want it all to end. I wish it had ended with my first suicide attempt. I dont regret doing it. I regret it not working. I regret dipping into the pill stash to get high & I regret selling the coke. I should’ve fucking kept it all and taken it all. I wouldnt be here anymore. I can’t do anything right. Not even fucking kill myself. God. I’m sorry to whoever is reading this. I have no where else to turn to. How do I stop craving it? Death, that is. I wanna disappear. Not be here anymore. Nothing is worth it. I’m all bad luck. I guess thats comforting, the fact that it doesn’t matter. I could die today or in 20 years from now. It would make no difference. I’m sorry. ",-1.5712595558791411,0.3839007164179121,1.180910083727703,98.2384255551511,99.67164179104479,3.3609028030578814,17.730615216599926,5.124077535175187,-0.6291351656352391,944,30,218,5,41,323,133,268,0.195,0.64,0.165,-0.8849,1,0,0,1,0,2,46.0,0,0,0,7,15,20,6,0,6,0,30,7,1,3,7,56,62,11,4,15,10,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,22,4,1,2,8,1,2,1,16,15,0,1,7,1,33,5,16,48,7,19,0,6,0,4,0,7,6,7,11,143,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072899564845422,0.0,0.06733814275260097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946087167238273,0.0,0.0,0.16297282239906208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480369174979963,0.060362701303991184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627299056960122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906075959476469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276887758905816,0.10345658721445422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605267967907715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827199132961061,0.0,0.1754076469613942,0.0,0.0,0.06540289036215996,0.08957078498244335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006834021172928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422779636977716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661758160379997,0.2586737224184171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908355202491772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462184897446533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955282537267716,0.0,0.32651837717838544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609774498287388,0.0,0.09948059400237376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009272326123407,0.09998367595160204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279233352013675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702022895687824,0.09501397929807796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904848366636826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456397964549507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164433871696853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793498041264287,0.221693343124286,0.07008805971445912,0.0,0.0,0.08278656422258679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831365369863097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861215864153613,0.0,0.0,0.09386098096605357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077071606536074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552294437260574,0.0,0.0,0.17521666965321714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387005317103698,0.0,0.0,0.07208896747246306,0.0,0.0,0.07034216536781719,0.0,0.0,0.06376671986903612
suicidewatch,Theauxaway,2018/02/04,What happens if I go to urgent care? If I go to an urgent care or emergency room and tell them I never stop thinking about killing myself are they going to just restrain me on the spot? Is there a scenario where I do that without being hospitalized? Keep in mind I’m in the US and I have no health insurance.,1.2371428571428569,3.5911457301587326,3.0914285714285725,88.92857142857146,83.76190476190476,5.504761904761906,23.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.8607523809523814,243,9,49,3,7,81,49,63,0.132,0.6890000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.3022,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,13,14,5,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,8,13,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,2,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966866695868468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41529185185037787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539464001091305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589113254460351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165027341839343,0.2694822410719386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594368036050746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786186300814425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203641565440746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289733391025892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607452618869228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929935527724452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347998665988175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ewwetak,2018/02/04,"I took my new prescription a few hours ago, feel worse than ever. 2017 was the worst year of my life, and that's saying something. I've always had depression and anxiety but last year I developed PTSD and I have some severe trust issues.

I had been going to therapy but it wasn't doing much for me, so my therapist recommended I try psychiatry. I've seen the psychiatrist three times now and gotten two prescriptions.

The first prescription (citalopram) actually seemed to help... for about three days. Then things got worse. The psychiatrist upped my dosage which didn't help. After 2 weeks I quit the citalopram and I felt better for without it.

So this weekend I got a prescription for Pristique. I was already having a shitty day so I was eager to take one- big fucking mistake. Within the hour I was bawling my eyes out. Four hours later and everything is still abysmal.

I'm worried that antidepressants just can't help me. I don't even want to be on antidepressants, but standard therapy isn't doing much either. My life is a shitshow, I have no agency, few friends that I never see, and I don't really have a future. I don't want to die but I don't have anything worth living for either.
",3.461293552262717,5.964914682819384,4.4446635963155785,81.57438025630758,76.18061674008811,7.475290348418103,25.296155386463766,8.438071523408619,1.9347374449339207,951,34,172,19,22,308,131,227,0.172,0.73,0.098,-0.9081,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,1,0,11,0,25,4,1,0,2,26,40,15,1,3,8,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,1,1,2,11,4,0,6,15,6,25,4,19,24,8,29,0,1,3,1,5,5,1,2,22,124,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.11938340256330204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844449436108594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500207752948262,0.0,0.10179430178505623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358757824246584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067304348931834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819725985687356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779467087769672,0.0,0.1053688005386978,0.0,0.12696663812494946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080252803911361,0.1106609482387144,0.0,0.0,0.10994873425538143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185733446072314,0.0,0.11746284067296152,0.0,0.0,0.10405990989320713,0.0,0.0,0.09451737189742106,0.11309871581674935,0.0,0.0,0.06952701666090651,0.0,0.1956883752151499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460000211699276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361432323717854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768819132929413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972109827965144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282068167754253,0.0,0.0,0.10802593708759044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798637502937144,0.0,0.09435394521553478,0.11815397339782065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289881305449197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430055714825862,0.0,0.0,0.13012060854815666,0.0,0.0,0.07837230533785289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728740501449253,0.0,0.0,0.09748686257244496,0.1113711387771658,0.0,0.1382061477853518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418110822413968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769859907093006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198230521196828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798063657266141,0.14204285018280208,0.08127536068667189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713357709008378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592106535069226,0.08305888852134773,0.0,0.1195056107675101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144315231168698,0.0,0.0981314754876722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792863860143485,0.0,0.0,0.12423930537557057,0.2493439970766805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756221603200504
suicidewatch,Joshua567,2018/02/04,"I just want it all to be over I just wish I could die and all the pain would finally end.

As long as I can remember I've always been treated like less than a person, in elementary school I hated waking up in the morning because I knew sooner or later someone and their friends would decide to harass me. As an example I remember once I was playing at recess and a group of four kids started throwing rocks and acorns at me, even dirt which would get into my mouth because they would throw it into my face. Then i tried to run away and they followed me wherever I went, so I tried hiding up on a slide ""jungle gym"" of sorts and they just continued harassing me and even wouldn't let me down. 

But as soon as I tried to defend myself they ran to a teacher, and would you like to know what I heard from her?

""Why should I believe your story over these 4 boys?""

So basically on a weekly basis my parents would be getting calls for the school about how I ""started a fight with other students"" then I would be sent to the principles office to be physically assaluted for trying to defend myself

 (if I beat someone with a stick for trying to stop a rape I would go to prison, but apparently it's ok for adults to beat kids who are only trying to defend themselves from being stalked outside during recess and have dirt thrown in their mouth as a sick joke)

That went on from kindergarten until 5th grade, after that it was usually harassment about my weight, my red hair and glasses, or how because I and a friend always hung out together we must be gay.

When I would go home from all of this every day I would be told I was a liar if I tried to tell the truth, and I'm firmly convinced my dad just didn't give a crap about what was going on, because all he would ever do is scream at me and hit me. He didn't once listen when I would ask for help.

You know, and the funny thing is I thought after I finally got out of school I might be able to be myself and the harassment would end.

Nope, I've been out of HS for 3 years now, I've had about 13 jobs because no matter where I go there is a member of management who enjoys making every moment there a living hell for everyone, so after a few months of putting up with them constantly complaining about everything I finally snap and quit. 

My first job I had for 2 years, and it was a daily thing to be asked ""why don't you care about your job"" when you are only trying to do your best, the manager would never offer any help, or try to tell you an easier way to do something, nothing but negativity, sometimes he would make up things that he ""told you to do already"" and then tell you you were a bad employee for not doing them! IF IVE BEEN HERE FOR A YEAR AND NEVER BEEN TOLD TO DO THIS WHY AM I SUDDENLY GOING TO START DOING IT UNLESS YOU TELL ME!!!!!!!

I had another manager cuss at me because I had to change my schedule (starting 2 weeks from the day I notified him) etc. Aside from that it's like everywhere I go people want to insult and belittle me at every turn, I JUST WANT TO GO TO WORK TO MAKE MONEY, THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE A HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!! 

The only job I ever had that I like was at UT Arlington library. Because I was actually able to go to work and do my job without interference from people who just want to bitch about literally anything they can think of constantly, and it was SO quiet there. 


Im sick and tired of this, I just wish I could kill myself.  I just want to be treated like a person instead of a piece of garbage....


I just go home every day from the harassment alone and I lay in my bed all night wishing someone was there to hold my hand. The only relationship I've ever had was 2 years filled with emotional abuse in high school. i was made to feel like I wasn't good enough and She used to torment me by refusing to even acknowledge me sometimes, then I would do everything to get back on her good side so that she would treat me with love again the next day, but then it would repeat and repeat and repeat. FOR THE ENTIRE TWO YEARS. I finally cut it off once she started referring to me as her brother to fuck with me emotionally. We couldn't even  have a conversation without her going off the deep end about SOMETHING and then trying to make me feel like shit about it. She would even cry if I didn't want to talk about a certain topic about myself that made me uncomfortable because she believed everything was her buissness.


But I miss having someone hold my hand so badly, I miss being touched and kissed, I miss it so much, no matter what I do nobody ever wants me. I just want someone to care, I just want a hug 😢


My last job was as a Dominos pizza delivery driver, and I loved it, the first one I've liked since the library job, and I made 6000 in 3 months of working there so the money was great (I usually made 700 every month if I was lucky at most of my jobs, minimum wage jobs rarely guarantee full time hours, and getting a second job is impossible when the first one expects you to be available at any time and never gives you a set schedule) 

But then a customer followed me 5 miles back to the store and started verbally harassing me at the store because I (and btw I wasn't riding the tail of his car) apparently was riding his ass while driving. 

What actually happened was the guy was sitting at a green light like a dumbness and then when he finally moved he was going a full 25MPH in a 45MPH zone. Rather than get stuck behind another red light i followed closely because he's hardly moving, and so after we leave the intersection I'm of course going to go around so it's not a dangerous situation. Well, before we even get out of the intersection he slams on his breaks, almost making me hit him (it wasnt that hard to avoid actually, there was about 5 feet between our cars and we were going MAYBE 25 ) and before he does anything else i just drive to the right and go around.

While I'm looking in my mirror and going the speed limit I see the recede behind me but then after a few seconds the guy start to gain on me (so obviously speeding) I didn't really think anything of it until I made a turn off the road and he FOLLOWED ME. So I made a few more. And low and behold, I'm being followed.


So I got back to the store and the guy started harassing me in front of management, I stopped the interaction and told the manager I wasn't going to deal with this since my shift had actually been scheduled to end a half hour ago, and if they didn't cash me out I was quitting right there.

So there goes another job.


Im just about read to call in the cards on this life.",6.600142629340893,5.486317694277109,7.1141211906449335,78.84186392629344,65.58132530120483,10.070800850460667,31.652905740609498,9.128683625258557,2.45530258681786,5150,161,1056,75,68,1698,473,1328,0.135,0.758,0.107,-0.9939,21,2,2,0,3,1,115.0,6,14,10,13,78,64,21,1,74,1,111,25,11,14,16,199,216,106,2,45,35,3,9,9,2,23,5,4,3,9,43,69,2,8,13,5,7,41,24,31,1,10,64,20,164,33,181,108,18,205,1,4,5,8,104,63,7,14,106,746,207,28,0.06031397978160739,0.035731101713122417,0.11771548774133518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02673235196954797,0.0,0.030197869207475518,0.031233546654583368,0.03327898824556052,0.0,0.0501860628304793,0.0,0.0,0.04101557450598807,0.09486670001068474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744498994141961,0.053692229311913336,0.056385429307013624,0.0,0.028333484709812493,0.06956659123840198,0.05035965380102364,0.18383421130373576,0.0,0.051322754459630776,0.0679532012328087,0.03164790035197595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061587316864226416,0.0,0.06149412210338444,0.0,0.03190209663031016,0.0,0.0,0.0651779852100505,0.0,0.048155805062411385,0.0,0.03312603733189575,0.07779505461616558,0.031090532388436155,0.0,0.0,0.031298194331978155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026390585077810957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025192295393343504,0.06784510921456824,0.10684056789771244,0.031160232028737325,0.03363301536850917,0.1195104444331824,0.10911489550594533,0.12704282321655452,0.028816296190072994,0.08130947393976266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030496560409902607,0.043088319207283315,0.0,0.16517754181677527,0.0,0.07695456058623659,0.0,0.0,0.04659843116397413,0.027879651210786928,0.09453469520453077,0.057858665275904976,0.2913615094918244,0.05058850466342367,0.04823859941826161,0.033248187818137806,0.0,0.08958048380127666,0.02666772656544915,0.0,0.0540294790113576,0.02977378409626742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404271892834825,0.06372503110654425,0.060499839422272675,0.0,0.059397120758853075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651494480950303,0.0,0.3291877508342048,0.0,0.03336424118439904,0.0,0.0331469859411319,0.02458197176082838,0.0,0.03193189796876776,0.0,0.030837565361923336,0.02130077380802043,0.13259863775023867,0.0,0.026629174575246703,0.02668798706823241,0.02532427627628984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443572156789107,0.17121163800113506,0.10065012462487864,0.0,0.030296749720252043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031991800604547566,0.0,0.0,0.07221306484912063,0.06410421537458473,0.02216885747747016,0.0,0.06977678916972907,0.0,0.03207230087246081,0.028300292121998374,0.0,0.028936445138741218,0.0,0.0,0.0963486300480844,0.04087031363808272,0.09174299895186408,0.032089163469694586,0.0,0.0334857684345974,0.0,0.0,0.041814119342279986,0.052663840726648765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030316104256756363,0.0,0.06415134169225821,0.0301651508005554,0.0,0.01931933993790801,0.0,0.0,0.032377321204313685,0.06832398158488129,0.05150780918350605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260241887172105,0.02403121650432725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030955716755320526,0.04989234734281516,0.033897720165608713,0.0,0.0,0.1277595983567342,0.04643264831032736,0.05965206822847938,0.0,0.1707621812950879,0.0,0.0,0.05042518777866235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024239046147753823,0.10543415355078957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060104892215931176,0.038646762872290616,0.0,0.023941281404838997,0.03516956664283235,0.03466102360705259,0.0,0.11526518476029195,0.0,0.20474616579049365,0.06560429040710106,0.02945899714129933,0.0,0.0,0.02604595667104729,0.06642732763456005,0.0,0.16008636580435776,0.023937214882983247,0.0483802364976282,0.036723089346620615,0.02711475562072171,0.05591166351745619,0.08163597827019678,0.0,0.10403715024477177,0.05814052420008184,0.0,0.06586394342556365,0.0,0.0,0.407030547070228,0.0,0.0,0.09710056376962886
suicidewatch,vvvrrrttt,2018/02/04,"There's literally no reason For what? This answer is the answer for two questions really. There's no reason for me to be like this and there's no reason for me to kill myself because I have a great enviroment to live in and people around me. But, I still have this warped sense of reality that I need to just end everything because I believe I will never contribute to anything and that it's just gonna go. Im not in touch with reality, exactly and I'm extremely fucking tired all the time. Still under 18. Never experienced true pain. Just a selfish asshole. But still. I have no intention or motivation to just keep going. It might be a better fate honestly, I would rather choose how it ends instead of getting murdered or in a car accident or some shit but it never works so I'll probably live on my sad life after this happens and I'll be bombarded with therapists and people pitying me and I'll make my family fall in to depression honestly. Why am i so fucked",2.912833042466552,5.176546429319377,4.920061082024437,78.68775887143687,76.85340314136127,8.432926119837115,26.84147760325771,9.150863307647796,2.582214426992438,772,31,143,20,18,265,110,191,0.207,0.716,0.077,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,16,16,5,0,6,0,11,6,1,7,6,44,22,16,2,3,12,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,8,0,0,4,8,10,0,1,0,2,15,6,23,15,2,21,0,3,0,2,1,7,3,6,11,105,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616800171438116,0.11485032361002515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572921737793674,0.0,0.0,0.1453552451060841,0.0,0.11410290651632783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112006360890143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285372381624783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594998027607968,0.0,0.12162345844034213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385437896491323,0.06740479007705251,0.0,0.1466439111843108,0.0,0.0,0.14223902338555916,0.0,0.0,0.11408716178249352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935787901934907,0.0,0.0,0.11467408130463815,0.14273551112100796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112680908752216,0.0630300041180338,0.0,0.22784446513986265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611823001353221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686407509566495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566267194319436,0.2985119790819989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372806030257971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888492243563855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909953165864866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452584934286358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265003976314682,0.3979454085061545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243160630471298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090936165475821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979586430525849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522943565424664,0.14828327409536096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260284923261446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116415586174624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392414648699696,0.0,0.0,0.09164825181804886,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minkaminkamonk,2018/02/04,Life is bullshit For the past few days I've been literally on edge with these thoughts nothing's helps,3.5875000000000017,6.229834750000002,3.0599999999999987,90.935,76.5,6.0,30.0,7.1686216300943375,1.5790000000000002,85,4,17,1,2,25,20,20,0.17,0.7140000000000001,0.116,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32969530969021554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426607194116699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36109057327236416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905304219360386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880183746574072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058524401631453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alone38387372,2018/02/04,"Im stopping my anxiety meds I think its the only thing keeping me alive. Once i stop my meds,  things will get REALLY bad and ill finally have the ability to go through with it",2.755833333333332,4.436347361111113,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,75.3888888888889,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.8089,139,6,29,4,3,47,31,36,0.308,0.5820000000000001,0.11,-0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851834599419263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211896360411835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651766725370453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647197493232565,0.0,0.13757438483288384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614779478106771,0.0,0.0,0.2151636036484762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5377720610358504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577974467012664,0.0,0.18410571227663566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550767199946973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047639697300351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216420978645757,0.1551091611801891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4Eaglesf0r7Gold,2018/02/04,"Need advice on how to go. Cutting is too painful and hanging is too scary for me, so that only leaves gunshot death. So what do I use if I want a quick, clean and 100% rate of success. Something that is also legal to obtain in a gun shop and is relatively cheap. Though I’m open other suggestions as well.",2.7743548387096766,4.289329661290323,4.091161290322585,87.81674193548392,74.96774193548387,6.250322580645161,25.30322580645161,6.742157984588678,0.9116670967741932,237,8,49,2,5,78,50,62,0.193,0.6509999999999999,0.157,-0.5574,0,0,1,2,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,9,10,10,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,7,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,34,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33017498551117064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27020460893877474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202647931076447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577689079141265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25053568124794545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697495789225305,0.35953092990775154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601185481331974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319679583785584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918220984826365,0.0,0.0,0.1992919233641317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037970532247188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catch22ghosts,2018/02/04,"Burnt out. Maybe tomorrow. The last two days I've felt different. I feel like I've hit the lowest I've been. I'm burnt out.

I was hopeful about CBT at least but now I have to have a psych review with the community mental health team instead because medication is the first solution for psychosis. They never offer me therapy. They always discharge me from their care. I'm always alone.

I just finished a weekend shift at work. I checked my bank balance. As usual I have no money. I don't have enough hours in the week to take up more shifts. I'm perpetually broke. I'm tired of it.

I have so much coursework to do this week. I feel angry, trapped frustrated and alone. I don't know. I feel like this is it.

It sounds so bad but I'm tired of people giving me advice for things because I can't follow through with it. There's no fucking point. I get so angry lately over small things.

I've tried really hard to support myself. To do my studies, to work, to live away from home. Schizophrenia has been a constant obstacle to anything I do. I don't know how I've lasted this long. I won't do anything tonight despite how miserable I feel but maybe tomorrow. I can't feel like this much longer there is nothing and everything inside me at the same time.

I've lost my identity. I've lived away from home for over 3 years. I speak normally around my family but I have unconsciously developed an accent when I'm here. I can't stop it. My friends back home judge me for it if they hear any kind of twang.

I'm done with a lot of things. ",1.0218343504795122,3.4664590387096794,2.5227288578901472,91.89868788142981,86.03225806451613,5.673931996512643,21.281604184829988,7.113659591113569,0.6542197035745425,1202,40,253,18,37,390,162,310,0.173,0.721,0.106,-0.9743,2,3,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,4,5,15,14,2,1,11,0,25,5,0,2,1,30,51,14,0,3,6,0,7,3,1,1,4,3,3,0,13,8,0,1,8,2,3,1,10,6,0,2,6,10,36,8,37,43,7,38,0,3,0,1,10,14,1,3,26,154,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962060587781038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039329569802378,0.0,0.0,0.16383973785304606,0.0,0.0,0.06695066912951722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203505269859453,0.08764306541563288,0.0,0.0,0.18499760473338706,0.07570343523678867,0.08220322547516992,0.12003073080334678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037827512943287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063915299221172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349333179228317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028612827251822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100750477079791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017271321775782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848222091897306,0.0,0.0928116908086096,0.0,0.2489011979210039,0.21100217446711728,0.09452926483040812,0.0,0.0,0.0837431371842148,0.0,0.0,0.07606369493516034,0.09101719657186473,0.051437055119751114,0.09444403502374604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819356588560008,0.0,0.0,0.10464976755412596,0.11096244833955757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962658536667441,0.09778495259421256,0.09695529142451427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252250530197296,0.10821318073023636,0.16050287996527576,0.11105803323786193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144295878333483,0.0,0.17386966562364825,0.08712683479185214,0.0,0.0,0.10747188054275983,0.0837002860444454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781633593105014,0.0,0.0,0.09917993316990688,0.09921636065167794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474695135496296,0.0,0.07593217586066943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964619602240376,0.0944672548222116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825415230057118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306886945377522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307080915298215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231019809975157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172205119775384,0.0,0.0,0.07402357749292082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258832961756207,0.0,0.19622120622626466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740809553670913,0.22631195599782425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684237861583693,0.0,0.09617320221646923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843086040328838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794435383015826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334831380394678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339979674092731
suicidewatch,IsJesusSanta,2018/02/04,"how do people deal with a serious relationship that ends? i cant watch tv, cant listen to music, havnt eaten in a few days, the pain that having my heart broken brings has made me go completely crazy and idk what to do anymore",8.39804347826087,5.793082282608701,8.771304347826089,73.1421739130435,63.1304347826087,11.808695652173913,31.69565217391305,10.125756701596842,2.801252173913043,179,4,36,3,2,60,40,46,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.8766,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,3,1,2,0,4,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,4,9,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178655789174247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360547504580489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067061952117514,0.3304377476861329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838818918935473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215653289760592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798128026459653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30327982879117604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34105144194963616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222053203257668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441140525095404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BDDSUCKS123,2018/02/04,"I’m not going back to school tomorrow. I’ve told my mom I can’t go back to school. It only makes me want to kill myself a million times more. I’ve offered to do online school, but she won’t let me. She says it’ll make me become “a weird hermit”. I told her if she makes me go back, I will kill myself. She doesn’t believe me. She will tomorrow when I’m dead. 

She thinks she can just force me, but she can’t. I’m not going back. She could’ve had a “weird hermit” daughter or a dead daughter. She chose dead daughter. Tomorrow, I will fulfill her wish and I will become her dead daughter. I hope she’s happy with her decision. 

I probably won’t respond if you message me or comment. I’m too exhausted to go on. I cannot think clearly. Everything is a blur. I am hopeless. ",0.0235227639651292,2.1775590306748502,2.306709719082985,93.80466903454958,87.52760736196319,5.149370358411367,20.848886018727807,6.5966054737557815,0.3336944785276077,594,20,132,7,19,201,78,163,0.259,0.645,0.095,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,1,0,0,7,8,2,0,5,0,17,1,0,3,1,22,36,8,6,5,9,5,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,5,8,6,0,1,3,1,35,2,7,25,1,15,0,1,0,0,28,1,0,6,9,83,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057307083719523,0.0,0.0,0.29137429237802703,0.0,0.1486203721221886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053215086026542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855457437132474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748449640355153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042345737475426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101901505550034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918835816674229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134889610975931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26415813303003394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449448877449445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032550635192516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222413606088172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490222530796732,0.0,0.4005079001666427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904858564999234,0.0,0.0,0.07691932075321026,0.0,0.0,0.25209635956836224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780549236139535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169302503681262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aya_Otonashi,2018/02/04,"I'm 18 and i am confused [NEED ADVICE ASAP] Let me prefix this by saying that I have never written about this to really anyone else mostly because I believe that this post would just be lost among the endless number of people. The reason I am writing this is because I have reached a dead end of sorts, I am genuinely confused and exhausted. I would appreciate any type of advice and anyone is free to call me out if I am doing something wrong. This is my first real post on Reddit and it's really a shame that I feel pressured enough to divulge this information to the Internet of all places.

So I guess that I should start by saying that I'm 18 years old. I feel bad for the incoming wall of text that's going to come but I don't really know how to explain this situation by any other mean so if no one reads this post that's ok I just want to write this. So I will start from the beginning.

I was born on a rather poor island, my father left when I was 2 months old and never offered any support to me or any communication for that matter, I don't know him but my mother would always tell me that he was the lowest of the low. I was raised by my mother and my great grandmother, I would often depend on my great grandmother for support since she was the one that spent the most time with me since my mother would be constantly out on the streets. I remember that my mother would beat me and just about throw every insult you could imagine at me, when I was in kindergarten some of the teachers noticed some of my bruises and asked me a few questions of course I answered truthfully since I thought it was completely normal and ok. So you could imagine how I felt when my school threatened my mom with child services. My mom dropped down on her knees and begged me for forgiveness and so I forgave her and lied to child services and they didn't continue to investigate the case. Of course her partner later came up to me the same day and held me up by my neck and threatened me to keep my mouth shut or he would beat me harder than my mother. 

For a couple of months everything was ok but it very slowly started getting worse and worse, When I was in 1st grade I got a B on a test and when my mother found out she again hit me, my great grandmother would always rush to my defense and would condemn her for doing it but she was old and couldn't always be there and I needed help with school... A help my great grandmother couldn't provide since she didn't have much of an education. I had become frightened so I would spend the remainder of elementary school studying diligently every day at every free hour at school so I didn't really talk to anyone nor interact with anyone. Studying with my mother was one of the hardest parts of my life for me, she would intentionally make me confused about something and immediately after said screw up would then proceed to throw the notebook at my face and further address me with derogatory terms, so when I was at 6 grade I decided to study by myself so I would barely talk to my mother anymore. 

I spent the days with my great grandmother helping her around the house and getting good grades so that I could impress her. Of course my mother would never praise me or anything and I had become so distant that she no longer had the opportunity to beat me so other than the occasional insult and the yearly explosion when she would do something absolutely absurd at me and later that same day apologize to me and promise me it would never happen again I was pretty much ok.

I had made friends in middle school although not many the ones I had were amazing people so we went to the same highschool together and that's when everything fell apart. I had always been a straight A. student although I didn't care much for my grades I had effortlessly maintained them and so whilst I was never bullied many found me hard to approach because of the ""perfect"" reputation that followed me. So I was very happy that I managed to make friends but conflict started to brew within the group all of a sudden everything was about girls and sex. My friends fought amongst each other and went their separate ways, none of them had a problem with me in fact they would frequently invite me over to their place to hang out but all they ever did was make out with their girlfriends and it was uncomfortable to say the least. I decided to talk to new people and take a break from the groups drama problems. 

I had made new friends and had meet a nice girl which I would spend the majority of my time with but of course something happened at my house, my mom had lost a cat... The cat apparently escaped from the house and my mother blamed me for it even tho I hadn't even gone in when said cat went missing. She made the entire week a living hell for me, threatening me with taking away my devices, insulting me and screaming at the top of her lungs. After a week had passed I simply couldn't take it anymore and although my Great grandmother would defend me I still found myself needing to face her everyday since she would take me too school. So I called a family friend after she had locked me in her house because I wouldn't confess to something I didn't do. After I made the call my mother went crazy and I decided to just get out of the house as fast as possible which I did but when I turned around and my mother was there chasing me whilst threatening to kill me. I ran to my greatgrandmother and she stood in her way but my mom pushed her to the floor (note: she is a very old person) I locked myself in my other room and called 911. Almost immediately after I made the call my mom dropped down on her knees and begged me to forgive her, I had bruises and cuts all over my body thank to her but after the police arrived I still forgave her... I knew she would get arrested so I lied to the police officer. After that whole encounter I had become depressed... No one really notice except for that girl I had recently made friends with, I told her about what had happened and she supported me... So it was that easy I snapped out of it and continued on.

Everything was going so well for me, almost like a fairy tale. I had restored some of my previous friendship with my other friends when they got dumped, and I was having fun all day long, my half brothers even told me to go on vacation to the states with them. I was never so happy but one day I arrived from school and found out my greatgrandmother was sick, ""Just a simple headache"" I thought and so I thought nothing of it until a couple days later she had a stroke right before my very eyes... She wouldn't wake up even when I called for her. My aunt came and called an ambulance. She was rushed to the hospital and woke up after 1 day... I stayed by her side the entire time, I stayed in the hospital the entire night and when she woke up she barely recognized me. Every day I see her she forgets more and more, she doesn't even remember my name nor does she remember who I am. 

My entire world had shattered into a million pieces, after that I was so broken that I would start to take it out on the people around me, I would start arguing with people and was quick to anger. I ended up pushing away a close friend of mine, this made me lose my drive and I stopped talking to people as much as I used to, I still talked to that girl that made friends with me, she was a really good friend and was very supportive but even she got tired of my now antisocial behavior. It hard for me... I was trying to cling to this remaining friendship, trying to make it right but no matter what I did I would only push her further away until she told me to stop talking to her and so I did.

I was sent to a very prestigious college with a full free scholarship and everything but I couldn't focus on anything. I had lost all of my friends , my family didn't care about me and envied me to no end so I had to drop out of college because in my current state I couldn't even eat well. My mother found out and kicked me out of the house. I lived on the streets for three days until she regretted her actions and took me back in but now I'm faced with a choice.

The mother of my half brothers has told me to go and live with her in the states, she told me that she will find me a college and a job and I already have a bed ready. The thing is I barely know her and although I know she is a good person that is economically well, I still can't believe that everything is going to be as good as she described it I'm still scared about what the future holds for me. I know that I'm beating myself over the head for something so simple but I've never traveled before. The anxiety I'm feeling right now is unbearable and whilst I have never inflicted pain upon myself I can't help but have this dark thoughts about everything. I have never drunk alcohol or smoked and I'm not about to do that but everything is so cloudy and blurry i can't think straight. Recently the island was struck with a hurricane so there is no power or anything and there hasn't been any power for 5 months... I just want to be happy.

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suicidewatch,tttttttthrowaway1212,2018/02/04,"Is there some reason to keep going through this I'm missing I'm starting college(UK) in probably about half a year and, yes I can see how that could an improvement on how high school's been for me  but looking further I can't see any reason to keep going. The only things that have kept me going are xans, ket, MD ect. I think my friends think I'm depressed after I took 14 codeine/paracetamol and I think they saw the cuts on my arms in p.e l(which I regret doing so fucking much) but yeh if I look forward in life I see no reason to carry on and not just carry out my inevitable death right now and skip everything in between.

Don't even know why I'm posting this, I've just been looking at this sub for a long time and I don't know, I just can't tell anyone any of this and you guys seem nice. I might wait till the xans wear off before doing it but I don't want to have too much fear. Sorry this has turned into a mess",2.1171938775510206,3.533356688775513,3.215051020408165,93.83084183673469,76.5,5.716326530612244,22.45408163265306,5.985473137389443,0.1721285714285714,725,20,163,4,16,233,121,196,0.157,0.784,0.059,-0.9603,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,11,9,2,1,7,1,17,4,2,5,0,36,47,14,1,4,8,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,4,9,0,0,5,7,7,0,1,5,7,19,2,23,40,3,27,0,3,7,1,5,15,1,4,8,101,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536507505367174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015673140184496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097170866942304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294682533103193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105446010246724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516260107756117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115881525264176,0.0,0.0,0.14509155369529309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996174925851721,0.11920147860749955,0.0,0.0,0.2198360024505497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276692935497923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623050508734413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292127591261181,0.0,0.0,0.14172235175008835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910730092784495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141064318035755,0.32482736107156984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367832727370311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956912842087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980634679059154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348735102494582,0.0,0.13901740952225142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39771046790839465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011269416690747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304925505061704,0.3082416474720201,0.1173806821816552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443359891091894,0.09126326736801488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126978499835178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856609475911871,0.24785557266878885,0.0,0.0,0.07518502139991942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325531326068036,0.0,0.14024796006946733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605121250344156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634685627645255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303210601489341
suicidewatch,TheHypestRedditName,2018/02/04,"I tried to get better. I truly tried to get better. I honestly did. I didn't go through with killing myself before new year's. I used January to try and improve. I took up classes again. Got a volunteer job. Took anti depressants and spoke to my doctor. Then it all collapsed last week.

It's a joke. Now I'm back to watching my fiance move on with a terrible human being. I begged her to just give me the book of photos from our engagement shoot last year, just so I could have a happy memento with her moving on and not needing it any more. She refuses to acknowledge I even exist.

What's the point of going on? Nobody can help, the one person who ever made me feel stable hates me, the new year hasn't made me feel better, it's only made things worse.

I just want to die.",1.1925651526433363,3.4559453227848143,3.1207818317200338,89.24197691734925,83.1139240506329,5.996128071481758,19.42069992553984,7.285733465282438,0.5489764705882352,603,16,123,9,17,202,101,158,0.153,0.66,0.187,0.6204,1,0,0,1,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,3,9,11,2,0,8,0,7,1,0,4,2,23,26,5,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,6,0,1,3,2,0,6,3,4,0,1,9,4,21,7,19,15,2,24,0,1,1,0,11,5,0,0,13,79,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667747877561917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800922061412602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084594575100124,0.0,0.0,0.3381852378725861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176680008738218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978150131117463,0.0,0.13228382669754768,0.0,0.0,0.1304611745026528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418642703078266,0.11529527689463046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288956694863705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318565180573955,0.12227168074180544,0.1448774254181274,0.0,0.1019417679162712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356840222271134,0.0,0.12584080901742895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543405482630526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648483203046287,0.0,0.14101610629411904,0.0,0.0,0.20779456206334496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618184871899278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709405797423162,0.0,0.09451031077812468,0.0,0.2462041993299441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637050158594319,0.0969394180166962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129355109143364,0.0,0.0,0.12049132684760433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467906126076824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832265060952868,0.259611842381054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008490719620664,0.0,0.0,0.07517947750553698,0.0,0.10224108701855138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989309075390856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24624105813309244
suicidewatch,throwayewaye_,2018/02/04,"What even is the purpose of life? I've been asking myself this over the past year or so, why do I have to endure an expected 80 years of life to then die, why am I here anyway? No, I do not want to talk, I want an answer quick, I've spoken a lot, why do I have to live this boring life, nothing brings me joy, nothing.",3.4685714285714297,2.6679834285714294,5.057857142857143,89.96964285714287,71.85714285714286,7.571428571428571,23.214285714285715,5.985473137389443,0.3124285714285713,240,4,59,1,4,82,47,70,0.207,0.7929999999999999,0.0,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,8,3,0,0,0,7,12,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,7,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908347968570988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185560279467847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482650669393825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43255098622228255,0.0,0.0,0.18025128771724425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354475592619945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917381279302515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486600212207086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640726515508173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408033381305225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525890472376241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629071600862243
suicidewatch,PlayerI343,2018/02/04,"This is the end I remember 2 days ago, everything was great.

But now its all gone. All my friends hate me for reasons I don't know why. I always thought I was a shitty person but I guess this shows it.

It's all over for me now. I give up. I think this might be the night I'm gone from this world. My friends were the only thing I gave a fuck about. Take all my shit, but my friends are the most important. And now they're all gone. Even friends I've known for years, all gone in an instant. I hope nobody has to suffer like this, to know you're alone now, like me.

This is my last night alive, and if not, soon.",-0.08798701298701063,1.8188069545454584,1.138658008658009,103.69227272727277,85.51515151515152,4.680519480519481,17.004329004329005,5.773587663045528,-0.8736943722943722,466,10,121,3,14,146,80,132,0.141,0.6409999999999999,0.219,0.8977,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,3,0,7,0,10,2,1,1,6,24,26,6,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,7,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,9,0,17,8,10,15,7,20,0,1,0,1,7,4,2,5,14,74,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473363155886765,0.0,0.0,0.17214481135425366,0.0,0.0,0.13830114162359802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719255764721544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721390440488202,0.0,0.0,0.10978101600892108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938002619927734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136578455747906,0.15365969645970468,0.0,0.1594450532512288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324857830336186,0.1831005190266942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409927771690008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508535419556125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269080053260325,0.13548441802917752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624049205368401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632395516455315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31195614782330683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264112063729126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512932244518326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089292988520075,0.0,0.0,0.18828503613397565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061354191098166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124970235041712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042342225178033,0.10650150906136001,0.0,0.13195323017888266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499798729707687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070346471847861
suicidewatch,throwaway200333333,2018/02/04,"should I commit myself to the hospital? I'm feeling not myself and I need someplace safe, I don't feel safe at home alone. I can't leave the house until the snow passes because I need to shovel my car out to even drive to the hospital. If I go there and tell them how I feel in the ER will I get help? someone please pm me if you can",-0.6636225266362246,1.4128383150684949,1.6363470319634708,97.77756468797566,90.5068493150685,4.3403348554033485,16.330289193302892,5.82211442006289,-0.6551235920852356,259,6,61,2,9,87,50,73,0.028,0.75,0.222,0.9002,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,1,16,13,6,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,3,14,2,8,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28113809228030795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547208049522966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928873467948056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117565438326404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141820289991531,0.0,0.15427005993103374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194576166945373,0.0,0.27228431062513914,0.0,0.0,0.3132143558648964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28742406288692923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025502597319795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979682081553545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299968693900461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372573720034792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,delusional432,2018/02/04,"I thought I could make a change in college... I made it into a good school, I got in better shape and put on 10 pounds of muscle, I have a 4.0, good enough friends, but I hear no from every thing else. No girls, no fraternity, no one other than my few close enough friends wants to be seen with me. I thought things would get better but no matter where I go I can't get away from this miserable feeling. I thought when I went to a place where people didn't know me I could start new, but I already messed up. The problem is me and I don't know how to fix it. I can't even get a fucking job
at the campus dining hall because I'm too uncomfortable with myself to not choke in a basic interview. Even if I'm 1000 miles from home, look better, and do well in school things still fucking suck. ",4.2612727272727255,4.179293945454546,4.790454545454548,90.10568181818182,70.15151515151516,7.56969696969697,26.196969696969692,6.742157984588678,0.8162242424242425,611,16,141,4,10,195,101,165,0.18600000000000005,0.652,0.162,-0.8121,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,9,14,3,1,8,0,11,3,0,3,0,27,35,9,0,6,5,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,7,7,1,0,6,0,0,3,10,6,1,1,8,4,20,8,20,23,3,23,0,1,2,2,5,16,3,1,4,92,27,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048140110365442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960482695006247,0.0,0.0,0.07760238197199162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377659723114344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466909509690414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328126914568892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634484821954136,0.0,0.0,0.2630748880832305,0.0,0.16816411361037084,0.0,0.10725779085550356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436793546145257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670708889476404,0.235378097162856,0.19953080209719165,0.0,0.07234890672662601,0.21355048303803426,0.10181538548515423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347909477784562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769472055270142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632802230567408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399241765709189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069019823252536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204566407597028,0.08497536297814952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294948368675945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626342365125217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825547861874268,0.0,0.1330039482180016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181123642980266,0.0,0.12797410698210554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576737184041762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901053177565065,0.0,0.10166388795276968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537222408738505,0.0,0.0,0.3031917374847465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508627365659981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144601762552177,0.11801063137813594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043199637669992,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corgi_princess,2018/02/04,"Giving up Hope I feel really stupid for being this upset over a failed relationship. 3 months ago my ex broke up with me and I honestly didn’t expect it to happen. Before we ever met I have been dealing with chronic depression and anxiety issues. A few months into being friends he actually didn’t completely ignore me after I checked into a rehab facility for a month and a half for my depression, he could have left me because he didn’t have to be my friend but he stayed. We eventually started dating 2 years later. We dated for a little over 2 years and he ended our relationship by telling me he had lost feelings for me for a while now and he was losing sleep over how to end things with me. I still struggle with realizing I made him so miserable for so long. When breaking up with me he knew that the break up would most likely negatively impact my mental health and it has. I’ve been hospitalized twice for being actively suicidal and in poor judgement I let him know this because he was always my best friend and I thought I could tell him everything, after breaking up I forgot that he doesn’t care anymore about what happens to me. 

I just feel really hopeless and unsure about the future. If someone who I thought loved me can leave me even though he knew there would be a possibility of me taking my own life, then I must have really made him so unhappy to be okay with taking that risk. I’ve been trying to reach out to family and friends during this time, but it seems like everyone is getting sick of hearing me talk about my issues. I have so many calls and texts that go unanswered even though it’s clear I’m trying to ask for help and I’m in desperate need of comfort or just anything. I feel so alone and like nothing has gotten better in these 3 months. I’m talking with a therapist and psychiatrist, but at the same time while this is helpful I feel terrible that I feel like I’m not getting the best support from the people in my personal life and I have to pay a professional to care about me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Everything hurts more and more everyday, I haven’t told anyone in my life yet but I’ve started to make a plan in my head and have set a date on when I want to end things. I’m giving myself time for things to turn around because I still have a small amount of hope that I’ll feel better, but at this rate I’m extremely unsure if things will make any progress. I just really need help. My will to live is fighting as much as it can.",4.800706261006859,5.549827338677356,5.67801421023866,81.28656889536651,69.20040080160321,8.773935750288457,27.94686342381733,8.927757054556999,2.0532666666666666,1978,64,394,34,33,650,229,499,0.16,0.6759999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.6231,0,1,0,0,2,1,27.0,4,0,0,9,27,37,2,4,18,1,42,10,2,5,3,81,94,40,1,13,13,1,7,4,4,5,7,1,0,1,24,31,0,2,15,0,3,1,8,16,0,2,20,8,56,21,67,60,10,64,0,9,0,1,45,24,0,7,38,270,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.06945783472387783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309352560170882,0.0,0.0,0.07371721641731943,0.0,0.0,0.0592244117474366,0.0,0.0,0.04840234789498233,0.0,0.054449700730605316,0.0,0.14117559545364006,0.04976814770045866,0.0,0.05857205830704236,0.06336202756426053,0.06654026423858962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016529780740796,0.0,0.060565817892447964,0.0,0.14939034271076065,0.1258993667688495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267899505700187,0.0,0.14513803243740925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462703206575283,0.0,0.0,0.11365702213696867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337967506394925,0.12260814444435772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912331714118386,0.0,0.0,0.09402259472100984,0.06438306907090073,0.0,0.0680120373802462,0.12793739913654242,0.0,0.06709871321150529,0.0,0.2519222517391443,0.05084838726753645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996263650821465,0.0,0.0743733936932955,0.13655765055856176,0.04045115090028452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588199427519264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304745310890673,0.07565711474048062,0.08022090141355094,0.0,0.1431239891443975,0.0,0.0,0.141388319367005,0.0,0.0,0.07619573770524829,0.0,0.0,0.14857920111362746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782333035446582,0.0,0.0,0.07536546070838189,0.07733329520524708,0.07278262391102952,0.1508218490228794,0.13909264624670875,0.07133738541269566,0.06285000697767303,0.06298881584627243,0.0,0.07962811160160094,0.07769737656983673,0.0,0.0642394203903882,0.13469753650109745,0.09502151134429113,0.07216163116005253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172900387069188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272490831097839,0.0,0.052322795181237065,0.10555269965310576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829561215800807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049344708094528,0.06214842949389976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024062220147576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823895286683412,0.0,0.0,0.15283349154209552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479626132361832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122773674794096,0.0,0.060307476865238574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075795116735717,0.07586450178547584,0.1136830246302434,0.0,0.0,0.07440895838876613,0.0,0.07785535706500127,0.08077006040303487,0.0,0.0,0.10703149040414596,0.1144176823967029,0.12442250636848333,0.0,0.0,0.08264120974835049,0.18914557462726325,0.0,0.13986077364568614,0.11301211752521055,0.12451047830966827,0.0,0.0,0.0680120373802462,0.0,0.0966481173663274,0.07741941264834322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198164593833971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112325112168187,0.0,0.0,0.09167045104176866
suicidewatch,parlophone0,2018/02/04,"I cant feel These past weeks have been my lowest. Ive stopped pretending at school and at work. I cant even smile for them anymore. I am 18 now and before depression used to be only an inside my head thing, I was feeling based on my life, I never considered everything really. The entirety of this life, how this place is fucked, how everyone is obsessed with their little phones and how Im searching depression on the internet to not feel alone. But I then quickly realize I am not alone, there are so many people hurting and that's fucked. I dont know how that comforts some people, I wish no one else was effected. I dont belong here, I am just living my life worried about everything I do, everything I say, nothing is true. Ill always just be ignorant, Ill never know what they think of me, im sure they all hate me, but i trick myself into thinking they dont. I want to die, but I cant move, I cant get myself to do it. I want help but no one cares, no one will listen they all have their own lives to worry about. You see we all worry about ourselves only, just like Ive been thinking about dying and myself for weeks and I know someone else is probably hurting, needing me to go up to them and love them, love them like I would want to be loved ,to feel wanted. But I dont know where they are. I cant see them. I want to find them, but there are too many people to look for. None of this is important, money is fucked, materialism is disgusting and this world is no where I want to be. I cant feel anymore. ",3.7488346265023575,4.3433864089456895,4.963432222729349,86.0242385516507,71.49201277955271,8.262224250722653,25.76738171306861,8.418075326091056,1.4746800243420055,1178,34,255,18,21,391,145,313,0.191,0.659,0.15,-0.7369,1,3,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,1,13,2,21,21,6,1,3,0,40,12,1,6,7,61,75,20,2,9,11,0,5,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,10,11,0,2,15,1,1,2,19,12,0,3,4,10,52,9,29,65,6,22,0,4,3,6,22,11,3,1,11,181,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245161281918133,0.0,0.0,0.06525681295514793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555527112092538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673485025968359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996065436526813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509660143022892,0.0,0.16278785767712015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676593059270205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102991672786304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179971143851998,0.0,0.0,0.07493951684903574,0.211453014367411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982730090988268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168005125597962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175110476941604,0.04097440985805174,0.0,0.04457137032238373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742955514562028,0.08048782324265445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256737389991791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791356323184128,0.0,0.1694273313620648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724037742425712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618405993136093,0.07663007982473458,0.07860357374992535,0.13850339846555826,0.0,0.06585818719306588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123479009959498,0.0,0.0,0.15902354884440853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335455216851965,0.0,0.05815197293598921,0.12097411439614257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525197560861144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943070219559938,0.11929319386477455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486660395359124,0.16311238684056806,0.0,0.08193860140504378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455662000770588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050241779555550814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236759701272852,0.0,0.0793714186223596,0.12499092473579243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645019547639698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556774653185027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391568829956079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052102828126779716,0.15075686956742315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773498564578223,0.0,0.0,0.2775465389066755,0.0,0.12581740291187501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901861655209246,0.0,0.0,0.057095148124140425,0.2389365898797682,0.0,0.05571166423742208,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hidele,2018/02/04,"I feel a need to suffer I feel a need to suffer. I it's not like I want to die because my life is bad (it's quite okay actually) but currently I am overwhelmed by feeling of wanting to injure myself in some way. I just really need for someone to stab me or torture me to death preferably. I don't know what causes this felling especially when I don't even believe I can feel like this when I am not felling it.
It wouldn't be a problem if I just occasionally cut myself but I ruin relationships by making people abuse me or trying to convince them to kill me. Once in this space of mind I can say anything just to get pain that I want.
I don't even know if I am making this post in hope for help or abuse",2.1842000000000006,3.5092642866666672,4.153000000000001,87.5515,76.13333333333333,6.6000000000000005,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8858000000000001,553,18,122,6,12,189,81,150,0.343,0.56,0.097,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,2,3,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,15,3,1,3,1,11,3,0,3,0,33,27,9,3,12,12,0,4,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,0,5,24,5,18,25,1,11,0,4,0,0,4,4,0,7,5,83,34,0,0.0,0.3562213380112685,0.14669561858369554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370475352751045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551518424211267,0.09163678921606423,0.0,0.0,0.16936491673030465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442529259181706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601372652580994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985766292351908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040355609848802,0.10739228560533108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853866332991259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075974968684012,0.0,0.0,0.14930674885350018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631245702777273,0.0,0.16522949359065373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617906785367563,0.1468825069390596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006863508029351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178550396680848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33439248351924944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009133157457156,0.0,0.0,0.15995651125751456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421650065158468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396989763959636,0.0,0.0,0.14384082438210133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988925387963734,0.0,0.0,0.09630211205674488,0.0,0.0,0.16139290600694672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954455772389375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736997430365854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206087922525624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659969265340181,0.11932107191013346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrMcFuckFace--,2018/02/04,"Everything feels so overwhelming. Im not sure what to do. It's just so exhausting and like trying to talk to people is so pointless. I'm just wearing myself thin trying to please other people and it sucks. I can't do it anymore. I just want to do something for myself but I'm broke, I'm sad, and I have nothing to look forward to. My girlfriend is gone. I'm dope sick. I don't know what to do.",-0.01607142857142918,2.1663562023809533,2.295523809523811,93.56614285714286,88.16666666666666,4.788571428571427,20.304761904761907,6.2581,0.15638476190476205,307,10,67,3,10,104,48,84,0.207,0.738,0.055,-0.9321,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,0,0,9,3,1,0,1,12,19,7,0,1,5,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,3,7,2,9,18,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769117192579192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094539207323835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118228057811266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301606067596891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345229122757273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641303826112738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344749067187156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679196120218447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871526919600776,0.0,0.0,0.3065002739889325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495759172909304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631620282574976,0.0,0.0,0.22442687097701647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791447984611398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469149241705072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,consiglierehagen,2018/02/04,"This is a desperate attempt at not doing it I wanna do it now before I change my mind again. I tend to forget ever feeling like this when I'm better. As bad as I am at everything else, apparently my denial game is always strong.

Anyway. Wrist slitting sounds like a quick way to do it. But will it hurt the whole time? I'm scared",0.6210294117647059,2.940717573529412,2.8220588235294137,89.96926470588238,86.5,5.1647058823529415,17.323529411764707,6.6274283507984215,-0.004388235294117582,257,6,53,3,8,87,50,68,0.183,0.652,0.166,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,3,0,7,1,1,0,1,7,11,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,4,7,10,1,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22693590294871765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277208623861075,0.0,0.0,0.23207589853089894,0.0,0.0,0.2412103863538777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885156035934264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278336247157098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467028288355589,0.0,0.0,0.24511504916060564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790212029241314,0.19484068034738927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919665730193192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664873684531754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753828237574658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730535508126585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590329448509566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648295033210535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044969213391132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needhelp911614,2018/02/04,"I can't keep going on like this. Someone please give me a good reason to stay. I hate that I have to ask this. I've been to therapy for years, I've tried multiple combinations of medication, and none of that has helped. I have a supportive family and good friends, but none of it matters to me. I feel like such a terrible person, constantly failing to make any progress in my life. I can't see a future with me in it. I'm hurting inside and I feel like I can't make it stop. ",0.997,2.9959167000000018,3.2960000000000003,89.24300000000002,82.0,7.2,23.0,8.238735603445708,1.3170000000000002,370,13,83,8,10,127,60,100,0.147,0.632,0.221,0.5955,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,11,1,0,4,0,7,2,0,3,0,13,19,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,3,12,7,13,18,2,9,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,7,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499482357384188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718344037174597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862968787720692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327654927196953,0.0,0.18587632790506287,0.2626230119790939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200856021920172,0.0,0.0,0.1763240853135892,0.10446155383020317,0.30833659123053114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814710111982108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320172161278554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676881816168185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337579406317926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298280712235844,0.2693959312017457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453847295170312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185165860324051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049287519762348,0.0,0.2017645032991152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898384700018994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647010085325735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557387762946824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591343041389928,0.0,0.15367058796534858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858160583512708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019892078742847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479264854216293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183654549130686
suicidewatch,queenadtr,2018/02/04,"Life sucks Recently I've been feeling lost and detached from the world. I feel like no one loves me.

I have no friends and only a handful of my family would even notice I was gone. If there was a pain free method I would have done it by now. So I guess I'm a coward.

I argue with my mum every day, mainly about money. I would move out but I can't afford it. I can't see anyway out of this mess called life or anyway to make it better. I mostly fantasize about jumping off a cliff or crashing my car. Please help. 

",-0.08292166549047407,2.086041935779818,1.9699082568807358,95.87323923782641,88.35779816513761,4.454763585038815,15.724064925899787,5.873414542411696,-0.6585968948482708,397,8,89,3,13,132,77,109,0.158,0.6629999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.6435,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,2,0,5,0,11,5,1,1,0,17,21,7,0,4,4,1,3,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,2,4,4,5,0,1,6,4,14,6,11,12,2,11,0,1,1,1,6,4,1,5,4,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174275694444311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121121591228788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708166492940576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165170118364908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015040034748016,0.0,0.16602405971792522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576225030145335,0.0,0.19926992483685693,0.140773353033508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224119951155882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707401444726224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207920600890272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27836605431167555,0.09626921937283216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510456495099292,0.0,0.17784632101906547,0.0,0.1315331466843536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943414614179404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434399585960324,0.0,0.0,0.13352693250080394,0.14986624933864287,0.20967627518437504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163029464822204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945641996374196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702422313175285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199383666334213,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdditionalHoney,2018/02/04,"I'm only 17 and I fucked up. Hi. I've been struggling with cocaine addiction for about 4 months, and meth addiction for 2. I find myself breaking all the rules I set so that I don't get addicted, and at this point I'm using about every other day, and I can't get the fucking needle off my mind. I tried to kill myself December 21st and left my family disappointed in me and with debt from the hospital bills. I just can't fucking do it anymore. 

If i were to go to my family with my drug issues i would probably just get more disappointment and anger. i have a gun and no more will to try. please, what the fuck do i do now?",1.9982859125607213,3.5285662748091617,4.09729354614851,86.89841776544071,77.09160305343511,7.81707147814018,22.596113809854263,8.575989854853784,1.308490076335878,486,14,107,10,11,167,83,131,0.243,0.74,0.017,-0.9847,1,0,3,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,6,1,5,0,11,8,0,1,1,19,22,10,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,9,0,0,2,0,18,0,16,18,3,12,0,2,0,4,1,6,4,1,3,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712051863418522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428885794498622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291963822533277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708698150352982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139355881322725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27165147865387623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316864497751172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5327983105633494,0.2258274570661921,0.0,0.08188394701904038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038201832761752,0.0,0.0,0.1594031001488825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654327025216289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454796611292286,0.0,0.11500322900179935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957928256975452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815650153282435,0.13620210871870747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534253810776313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062363049860347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956416355475979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443880311145128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235025151265442,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KatieEllen119,2018/02/04,"Perfect place I got in my car while it was still covered with snow. All I could think was how it would be such a good place to die. Like you’re wrapped in a deep, soft cocoon where no one can find you. ",2.495378787878785,2.8949929318181837,2.7345454545454544,101.58015151515154,74.22727272727272,5.866666666666667,21.484848484848484,3.1291,-0.5854606060606065,155,3,41,0,3,47,37,44,0.124,0.691,0.185,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,2,8,8,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,4,3,4,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462769722372048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32012857127324074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28192314494221155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25871821148807994,0.24670039664576154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069599367480693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901773076219712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6445416205906853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463333155690458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764611420412528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911825279935634,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dJ_86,2018/02/04,"I have zero reason to go on. Life has proven over and over that I'm not wanted. Rejection is the ongoing story of my life. (31 male) I was born and raised into a Christian cult where I was abused my entire childhood. Taught that I was scum in Gods eyes, the whole fire and brimstone dogma hammered into my head day after day in school and church. I always knew I was being fed total bullshit and when I neared my teenage years I started openly questioning and challenging those in authority. Needless to say they didn't take it well and my family and friends more or less shunned me. 

Now that I'm out and live in the world at large I've had a very tough time finding friends or a significant other. I thought I won the lottery when I met my ex wife but she just proved to me that people abandon me no matter what. Divorce has basically destroyed me as I have no one to fall back on. I was kicked out of the home my ex and I shared and had to move everything on my own. I've tried getting out into the dating world (been on over 50 dates in the past 2 years) but once women find out I have no family or friends they ghost me or even worse they outright reject me. 

Social proof is huge when women are selecting for a partner and I got the shit end of the stick when it comes to that. I can't help that I have a cruel family and that my ex left me! Also my best friend that lives far away just sent me an email last week basically stating why we can't be friends anymore. As if I needed another rejection. I tried making friends but it's very hard at this phase in life when everyone else seems to be having their own families and they already have their closed circle of friends. 

I guess I was given a shitty hand of cards in this life. It's like life is giving me the hint to just give up. I think of suicide on a daily basis and I would have never imagined my life would have come to this. ",2.6713144329896927,4.278231118556703,3.7366881443298974,89.86833118556703,75.44329896907216,6.60257731958763,23.207474226804123,7.292943589461545,0.7658824742268036,1486,43,317,17,32,480,207,388,0.147,0.7090000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.3605,0,0,0,0,2,1,25.0,1,0,6,3,14,21,3,0,18,0,31,11,4,2,4,60,56,31,2,5,12,4,3,1,8,2,6,1,1,4,18,27,1,1,10,0,0,6,8,8,1,2,19,5,52,13,46,32,7,65,2,4,1,0,34,35,1,8,24,216,70,3,0.0,0.1056884743357556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843540575238197,0.07133392350346184,0.07422229037404378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353491597596862,0.0,0.0,0.08846331884370418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380717716565086,0.06858998221173095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936108360437697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367734530956645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505439573711408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451590176298231,0.0,0.07900551674095149,0.0,0.0,0.05891634987329259,0.0,0.0,0.08523527779210817,0.08016801271836521,0.0,0.3363626605155494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630560040375972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824147314279451,0.0,0.04660378600590983,0.17113925311370395,0.05069492426347538,0.0,0.07134210438769338,0.0,0.0982648424394392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990648107792575,0.0,0.09154585272800607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597894796437932,0.0,0.08947577068061581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271063490920686,0.0,0.0,0.09691703341492344,0.0,0.37803138073079706,0.043579051585363404,0.0,0.15753204904089013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954229006826507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480643468295813,0.0,0.06614133338146781,0.06879722928412611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949960419718642,0.060444834988763074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515234756838712,0.061840669152328186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992541698294252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171337644725723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093613196512852,0.0,0.09027606794768893,0.0,0.08120514465594811,0.0,0.0,0.0915634368653704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092907911809177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313685259491833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757130123801526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706797185104205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571563317412077,0.0,0.0708155467927024,0.052013759208627205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112310480785322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720016049557913,0.05261299898602393,0.0,0.07155157745331296,0.0,0.08020231720110896,0.0,0.08048993342509903,0.09958961371899457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090333264983888,0.12673151301744565,0.0,0.0,0.11488490362652212
suicidewatch,throwaway22323245466,2018/02/04,"tldr i'm done Not sure why I'm still here, lol. Why is it so hard to kill yourself in so many invisible cities... Anyhoo, feel like I've been dead for a long time. Just lost everything my life has stood for, and honestly, there's not much more in life I want to experience. I've done everything or most of what I've wanted to do. I don't need to accumulate any more of anything. Honestly, I cause more pain to the people who love me when I'm alive, and I don't care for the luxuries of the living. I've experienced great loves, and the most amazing things. I really do not need more. Thanks universe, peace out. I wish I could be more, but everything upsets me. I fucking hate capitalism. And inequality. And I can't do much about these things. I'm so angry and helpless. And tired. And done. I'm sorry.",0.5909756097561001,2.963107121951221,2.717756097560976,90.18273170731709,87.53658536585365,6.450731707317072,19.175609756097558,7.7348632917899725,0.7217717073170737,624,18,137,13,20,210,95,164,0.226,0.636,0.139,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,9,17,3,1,5,1,14,7,0,1,1,26,33,14,2,6,6,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,3,12,10,15,25,9,7,0,2,0,3,3,3,1,3,5,82,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908376452527994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992334226771996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619171049143886,0.13722143901760475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665119262156507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100901252377228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601539775264436,0.1306649510921684,0.0,0.0,0.06754106871137107,0.09542817580475814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234907420881064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727025656468698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965968310186033,0.13188065607494176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778430590529987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870023478526124,0.0652594812365572,0.0,0.11795185329358113,0.1182123586473944,0.0,0.0,0.145816205966646,0.0,0.24111878594519415,0.0,0.0,0.1354271628806614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963904526954076,0.19809284267299085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213644854803367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260619130954062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557351049863837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495296754145568,0.0,0.0,0.10667559231871307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258957183577253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298070902652587,0.0,0.0,0.17748662364898807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789042715785631,0.15352830257475386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575755733647318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410668020068241,0.0,0.15360814943873002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RuminatingRaven,2018/02/04,"Writing gives the thoughts less dominion over me I just have to blurt it out: yes, I have suicidal thoughts.

Oh, how I would love to yell this at the top of my lungs, just to turn the thoughts swirling inside my head into sounds, something slightly more tangible, a sound that not only I will hear... but on the rare occasion these thoughts do get verbalized, they only want to escaps my lips in hushed tones.

I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts on an almost daily basis since high school. They are lingering thoughts. They like to float around in my mind like will-o'-the-wisps, sometimes at the back, sometimes at the forefront of my mind, but always there.

Lately, they have been at the forefront more and more. Life seems like an increasingly daunting task with each day, even each hour, that passes. I have to get my life together and think about a future that seems hopeless, I'm struggling to perform at work as my depression and my physical pain worsen, and the possibility of having to take time off work to physically heal has me paralyzed, as I currently only work part-time and have no benefits or health insurance (outside of provincial).

It all seems impossible right now, with all these things happening at once. I just can't do it all. I don't have the energy. I lack the motivation. Interest has seemingly disappeared from life. I've been slipping back into my habits of self-harm just to take the edge off of the thoughts a little bit, like if I flirt with the idea just enpugh it'll go away. Except it never goes away.

At least I admit it. At least I'm self-aware enough to have some inkling of what's going on with my psyche right now. I know enough to know that writing this all down will give the thoughts a little less power over me.

 ",5.897551187551187,6.911603468468472,5.514983619983621,82.48240171990173,66.86786786786786,9.057548457548457,29.851078351078357,9.218907990703514,2.3852894894894905,1397,49,268,25,22,429,175,333,0.115,0.792,0.093,-0.9181,2,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,4,7,14,12,0,1,20,1,23,10,3,2,5,60,54,12,2,4,11,0,0,4,0,4,6,5,0,0,16,16,0,0,18,0,0,5,5,4,0,0,11,5,30,8,53,39,19,46,0,2,0,1,12,30,0,8,15,182,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356436667200873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943812040805297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428930012961972,0.0,0.0,0.1568103821577189,0.12833771147730486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110714510680096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381914883256814,0.0860345685546611,0.07187643444431306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245488659773922,0.0,0.05511875982117822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719966166070207,0.16010807540923622,0.09485453055529426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379565974384708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564505234950537,0.08870477034839877,0.09405561739222844,0.0,0.0,0.08817082140772667,0.0,0.0,0.08218266567506133,0.0,0.0,0.094206297108788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172524287147288,0.0,0.09413663846519432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683224541388845,0.1630802507442671,0.1672801404598787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531800614641612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852393496062806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436274422005966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887285163915615,0.0,0.19040529527093528,0.08879800769902584,0.0,0.0,0.09036956532637633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407873918282228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253381334656698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445711449386076,0.0,0.30388351445134065,0.17411569571674174,0.0,0.0,0.06903173165691655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424484493091477,0.16507082893631256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724135976345228,0.0,0.18256423318634346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125489900175465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544129860515984,0.053472187742087465,0.0,0.530007731119373,0.04866109165592642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907709901842812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922170604287776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226049927773533,0.0,0.0,0.05928136962664765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scoobies19,2018/02/04,"birthday broke me. recently it was my birthday. and while the last ~5 birthdays have been hell, this was probably the worst one yet. for the past ~10 months my suicidal ideation has been a potent force in my life, and the past ~2 months have been particularly torturous. and throughout this time ive become more and more lonely. in every sense of the term. my health is spiraling. i feel alone in the college application process. and i havent gotten back any good news. when im with my friends at school or hanging out i feel like im not even there. like i dont belong. like everything would be better without me. so i stopped hanging out. transferred out of school. and it seems like things are better for them. and everythings fine for them. and i feel at peace with that. 

but then (outside of that group) some of my most meaningful relationships just stopped. with no warning. some of my closest friends just ghosted me. and its been so fucking hard. and has hurt me so bad. like i understand not wanting to speak with me because im always so goddamn miserable. but i wish i knew why. right before one of my relationships just ended i went up to visit the person (long distance friendship). (this was 2-3 months ago). i actually wasnt going to go because i was really suicidal. and i told them that. but they told me to come and that it would be good. so i did. i was so goddamn stupid to do that. i knew that i would still be suicidal even if i went so idk why i thought it would be fine. but that weekend was hell. and it was in a city so whenever we went anywhere on the subway all i tthought about was suicide. i was so quiet and sad and miserable the whole time and i cant imagine what it had to have been like hanging around me and i felt like i wasnt even me. like i wasnt in my body anf it was horrible and i just wanted to die. after i left their house to fly home i almost killed myself at the metro. but i didnt because i didnt want my friend to feel bad. and we havent talked since my visit. and its killed me. and i cant help but think my visit and my depression and suicidality played a big role in that. and its just fucking killed me that this relationship in particular just stopped. because we were so close and talked so much and i fucked it up. and i hate that i care so much about it when they clearly dont. i wish i couldnt feel. it hurts so bad to try and maintain relationships and then get hit with the reality that youre nothing to those people. and this is just one thing out of so many. so the past few months have been a living hell. and i cant help but feel that im doomed to a life of loneliness because of my depression. 

i started watching this tv show to cope and it made january more numb. like things were fine because i could escape into fucking buffy the vampire slayer and somehow i was able to just forget about things. but it stopped working and im back in my head 24/7 and everything keeps reminding me of things that make me sad and i cant find an escape.


but my birthday fucking broke me. i guess it’s sort of inevitable for birthdays—a day celebrating your progression through life—to suck for suicidal people. and it really fucking did. i wish more than anything that i was never born. and i wish i didn’t exist. and i wish i could end my life without any collateral damage. i feel so goddamn guilty when i contemplate suicide because i dont want anyone to feel bad about me dying. and its the people who have hurt me most who haunt me when i think about suicide. i dont want them to even know that i killed myself and i want them to go on living and being happy and enjoying life but theyd find out and i dont want them to. and i dont want people who have been trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship with me to be hurt. i cant stand the thought of them being upset. seven times in the past month i have sat on my bed for hours, ready to do it, but crying because i want to kill myself so bad but i feel so guilty about it. about people.


tl;dr
and somehow my birthday just nailed in all of these awful feelings. and it sucked when people said happy birthday. and it sucked even more when people who used to have meaningful/significant presences in my life (but then disappeared) popped back in to say some meaningless bullshit. or didn’t say anything at all. it was hard for me to breathe. it still is. the pain i feel is so visceral and i wish it would fucking end. i havent been able to stop crying. im so unnecessary and lonely and horrible. and im just in so much pain. and i just want to die. but i feel bad about it because i dont want anyone to feel bad about me killing myself. and its so fucked up because im so goddamn alone i shouldnt fucking care about the feelings of people who have left me and moved on but i do. i care about them so much and i dont want to cause them any pain which is so weird and horrible to feel because i know they dont think about me at all yet here i am not killing myself because of them. and then there the few people i still have left in my life who i know would hurt and be upset if i killed myself and would never be able to allow myself to do that to them but i just cant go on living. i figure i will wait a couple weeks and then do it because everything is just unbearable.


*the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.*",1.5974254063029356,3.7333854085923233,2.8855550710296387,92.2510429699948,80.654478976234,5.84283246398202,22.28532613253275,6.998259997023747,0.5710791070560021,4183,134,905,50,109,1350,325,1094,0.292,0.605,0.103,-0.9998,0,6,0,0,0,8,103.0,3,2,16,4,75,84,26,4,28,1,100,23,3,5,7,211,184,118,20,31,38,0,18,9,3,9,11,5,2,1,68,79,0,7,33,4,0,16,35,58,0,4,47,24,150,26,116,114,24,115,4,17,1,9,51,44,15,16,63,642,218,5,0.08870654355399328,0.0,0.028854930145317693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026210999538015544,0.0,0.029608929911885292,0.06124881775209656,0.0,0.0,0.024603650123322,0.0,0.0,0.060323491493708276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041350451855214784,0.0,0.048665284705057814,0.026322543547472644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682098564648632,0.1728212700498312,0.2343236376266256,0.032656469345403574,0.02516091167293228,0.0,0.0,0.05230248607513839,0.0,0.03284432414323983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044223313451323,0.030375351857321112,0.0,0.025470944219202984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721663794048028,0.03271736773902327,0.06495998183711532,0.019069460694358515,0.0,0.05093521065338856,0.0,0.09206338725197533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118902251802508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856766809178402,0.0,0.0,0.09764972567679214,0.0,0.024913029608697075,0.0,0.10629829535384216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426346877154432,0.021123990813126096,0.028390730951831394,0.0,0.05405078250254285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853445550371982,0.24602331035240166,0.015448502593131512,0.0,0.06721863059311038,0.04960189338642455,0.0,0.0,0.032573419529624316,0.0,0.0,0.06295317673646716,0.05297575952236203,0.02919311559571075,0.030346168508277337,0.03143030256430333,0.0,0.0,0.03963875086036975,0.0,0.02965996529137458,0.0,0.02911935894273797,0.034118480430929986,0.15827031591153667,0.0,0.25551543775363245,0.0,0.0,0.02628215057675531,0.2617083932657227,0.0,0.04875079646074481,0.02410255750038589,0.0,0.0,0.09637991912325718,0.0,0.14619746184480095,0.13001260931967915,0.0,0.10443933751652287,0.0261674998710498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02797875878176061,0.019737435546629985,0.029978170707064718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800786125834435,0.03142700577715947,0.0869460216238696,0.0,0.04561063664919025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02837210698958873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010984965557733,0.0,0.0943900166177962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290724423587804,0.18449384431462806,0.025818377420152902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031880219092375504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788512217436845,0.0,0.0291956700408052,0.1587293837996696,0.0,0.02525163450359693,0.028126745504641386,0.047028669236059126,0.0,0.059850505261986035,0.0,0.026918368555592258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02445965649866371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020928982699196817,0.0,0.07084116026913266,0.12360440404537427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587481626491976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753263970970048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786537180857605,0.056839571296157874,0.0,0.046948724643202135,0.05172549890546012,0.0,0.0,0.05650860253416708,0.0,0.04015061348180976,0.0,0.0,0.030782213414663143,0.0,0.02553799078546014,0.0,0.0,0.2092856707817548,0.0,0.02371834618093011,0.0,0.0,0.08223185458738212,0.05336257209150103,0.03301256266157763,0.20401629457135093,0.057006628323773914,0.0,0.021526473399047275,0.0,0.0,0.14703402799326787,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreatIntroduction,2018/02/04,"I feel like suicide is inevitable. Is there anything I can do to fix my life? I'm 27 and trapped in a shitty job in a shitty city, partly due to my family and partly due to the fact that I was unable to pass job interviews while I was unemployed.

My dad is manipulative and got me a car seemingly so he could use it as leverage on me. If I'm not doing what he wants, he just reminds me he's sacrificing everything to make payments on the car for me. I was going to just give it back, but the transmission broke while I was going to a job interview out of state, and I was on the hook for the entire cost since he didn't want to pay for it.

He is very emotionally invested in the job he got me since he has friends there. I need to give 110% while he constantly polices me or he's going to look bad.

My problem is always going to be earning enough acceptance from other people to make money. I can live with being alone and single forever, but I can't live with doing a shitty job on top of that. I'd rather just kill myself than be stuck doing something horrible just to perpetuate a meaningless existence.

I've just taken off in the past on long road trips. If I do that now, I can expect to have the police called on me for something. My dad claimed someone stole my old car and took me hostage (all bs) and then when the police stopped me over that, they found a frivolous reason to give me a $100 ticket. One headlight being dimmer than the other. My dad has a drinking and gambling problem so of course he didn't cover the ticket he caused.",4.934912834135815,4.9250664826498465,6.104223808733193,81.0147218993857,68.7160883280757,9.071160551220323,28.98704964303504,8.841846274778883,2.0911930599369093,1213,39,250,19,19,408,160,317,0.162,0.797,0.041,-0.9914,7,2,3,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,1,2,13,8,1,0,20,0,29,2,0,6,2,43,53,21,2,10,12,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,10,11,1,1,5,3,5,10,4,5,0,1,13,2,31,3,41,35,5,40,0,1,1,0,23,15,0,4,15,168,41,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093659569979541,0.0,0.0,0.08786460996752332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689678641453225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119706363602965,0.08816852906498836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107825664537587,0.0,0.0,0.1084765240194956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411212448154096,0.0,0.08431008114290944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344420747489763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878166413408466,0.0,0.10910924186066044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490317711664063,0.0,0.0995468269198435,0.0,0.05339267985253735,0.0754380429102877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578093107544805,0.08158346657220665,0.0,0.0,0.3038928800739513,0.2400513228732756,0.0,0.16891007121168405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239403441337934,0.0,0.1168266994138142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458581435128997,0.051589035463685866,0.0,0.18648699705450028,0.09344943366007226,0.0886743263858764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409727473258036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078298344486644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080559049499936,0.0,0.07155480953328633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287010812987333,0.10080365034830292,0.07320720295503237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208286323034474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857061955017462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613093757406316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747007592306394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947143207579389,0.1625864354941322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828326445286477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550525164472715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732141371357242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120132941541316,0.0,0.08712803541848074,0.1245669087232947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redvelvet1804,2018/02/04,"I have a plan now... I will not bore you the long life story. But tldr: I have relapsed into depression for the second time in the past five years, only this time it is worse... I have started to self harm, have had either emotional attacks or panic attacks, and my suicidal thoughts have gotten stronger to the point where a plan now formed in my head... I have a date, the method and a list to whom leave an individual letter... And the thing is, I am pretty calm about it, as if I accepted it as ""Ok. It will be that day then"".
But... something inside me is telling me to tell this to my GP, and a therapist that I will see in about a week... but I am afraid I will be locked up in a mental institute, and lose my job because of it... I would rather die than that...",3.760769230769232,4.012794564102567,4.865794871794872,87.96253846153847,71.30769230769229,8.034871794871796,25.856410256410257,7.908726449838941,1.1858841025641018,576,16,131,7,10,190,93,156,0.15,0.7879999999999999,0.063,-0.9396,1,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,3,6,11,2,2,14,1,19,2,1,0,0,17,23,13,2,3,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,3,1,18,3,18,13,2,20,0,2,1,0,6,8,0,2,12,101,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39019463373566604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454015088229753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059838494959803,0.0,0.14770611832244682,0.0,0.1779819944614398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290582268711776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600063684112113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017970553099612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158564762995646,0.0,0.0,0.12113012545423288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517653419932901,0.0,0.19185608472130045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282396338171185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042766747284207,0.0,0.2012093342914912,0.0,0.0,0.16370886232367562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621157113686628,0.0,0.0,0.1744693826709495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366572076781052,0.0,0.17890393250695694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202319703720014,0.0,0.0,0.12138317502885798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875848074333797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997837628311701,0.0,0.0,0.19911584765789567,0.11393190376003368,0.0,0.0,0.13614577790649526,0.19999714836712754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756082688077195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747653657767222,0.12182325214217862,0.0,0.0,0.11043545720074437
suicidewatch,Aquablues,2018/02/04,"I can’t do it anymore I’m so tired of everything. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. I don’t remember what it feels like to be happy. Even when I have happy moments it’s always bittersweet because I know when I lay down in bed later that night  the suffering will continue. I feel tortured. This emotional torture has gone on for so long. I need to feel something else. Nothing helps anymore. Nothing distracts me, I have no passions, affection does nothing and not even cutting helps. The only ambition I had, my parents didn’t support. I don’t care anymore. I can’t focus in school; I can’t focus enough to study. I wouldn’t be able to reach the ambition anyways. 

To make it worse, the past 4 months, every single night I’ve been nauseous to the extent of not being able to sleep and it doesn’t help that I’m an emetophobe. This has only increased the pain to being physical. I can’t go to a doctor that easily because I live an hour away from a suitable gastrointestinal doctor and my mom is always too busy to take me or always says she will but never does. The nausea medicine doesn’t help, neither does peppermint which always used to help me. It doesn’t stop. It never fucking stops. 

I can’t live like this. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve written a note, apologizing for being weak and telling those who might care why. I don’t care if it’s weak or if I’m leaving people behind. I really can’t. It’s driving me fucking insane. Everything is too much. Even if the nausea was cured I’m still left with daily thoughts of suicide, cutting, insecurities, anxiety, thoughts of worthlessness. Waking up every morning is the hardest because I don’t even have the will to live let alone the will to get up and act normal. All I want is to fall asleep and never have to wake up again. I don’t know what to do. I’m so stuck, so pained. I just want it to stop and it feels like this is the only way out. ",2.3114045541604606,4.536640997375329,3.8495679931900426,85.80371568418813,78.65879265091864,6.533617081648577,25.52039441015819,7.63319966405982,1.4745296304178201,1504,58,293,23,37,498,177,381,0.16,0.705,0.135,-0.94,1,1,1,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,0,0,16,25,6,2,17,0,45,15,4,3,4,44,76,20,1,8,9,2,4,3,0,6,8,1,1,0,24,10,0,3,9,0,0,6,24,15,0,0,9,5,30,10,35,55,7,36,0,2,0,3,12,10,2,6,22,192,54,3,0.15003233573751007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769412621951759,0.0,0.0,0.24967784434687096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738716309131685,0.0,0.2975835243207495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048015909393712,0.0,0.0,0.13718747897368844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294519481231089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356445304174884,0.1969414620809459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266638238992876,0.1687661839043855,0.0,0.07751175449410283,0.0,0.19818988553193445,0.0,0.12640871370043275,0.0,0.13483938922001928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172171383235586,0.10718313062875537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870247680047848,0.03919285153327615,0.0,0.04263341694808042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971221123252635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514087802473673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387581449443012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824538480367858,0.0,0.0,0.07943129029344917,0.0815052858837472,0.07670911414667374,0.0,0.1099473312230174,0.0,0.1987219517640512,0.0663869479427123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050073874562484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795802994020409,0.0,0.08785802915948328,0.0598771894968522,0.0,0.055145514854436514,0.05562353794827021,0.17357127978131995,0.0,0.0,0.1407951836205001,0.07349991707083149,0.21594010880191813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115952806652876,0.15964498329089558,0.0,0.08329657685331644,0.0,0.07161142048705042,0.05200676538378873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805727803548456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497869466733751,0.0,0.0,0.05965586761774271,0.0,0.07592036680524293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507034364803987,0.0,0.0,0.057751110983735414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990800856232219,0.18815062601976515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205551203168689,0.08512745831565466,0.0,0.0,0.0564028223600225,0.0,0.06556743718873312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910891580105523,0.0,0.08622004964104338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478988337405091,0.0,0.0,0.0884929588217642,0.05954434233901841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769042348304381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644788386877742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RobbieF44,2018/02/04,"I just need some feedback I kinda feel the same way. I’m 15. I have hobbies, I’m on a team, and still, I wake up every day and like you said, am upset that I didn’t die in my sleep. I have always done stupid stunts ( like in the movie jackass) but I’ve started to do more dangerous stuff lately. I thinks it’s my way of trying to end it with out so called “ending it”. I mountain bike, fish, hunt, play the drums and all that jazz, I’m in good physical Condition but still....  nobody really wants to have a friendship with me. Even though I’m straight as a damn arrow I get called gay at school for the things that I like to do, even though they don’t mean it as homosexual gay, it still hurts and makes me want to do the things that I love less. I go to a private school and have ADHD, so my grades haven’t always been the best. 75 is passing and I failed one class this quarter with a 74 and my parents, especially my dad has been on my ass about it lately. Suicide would be easy for me in the sense that I have all the tools to do it being trusted with knives and guns. But my dad says I’m going no where in life and constantly and I mean CONSTANTLY, puts me down. He tells me that every thing I touch breaks and that I’m useless pics of shit. I know he wants to mold me into “a fine young man” but I have heard the whole speech before. I have always thought “ how will he feel when he walks into my room to yell at me yet again and sees me there with my wrists slit and a Bowie knife in my chest?”. Ik that’s a morbid thought but it’s one I’ve had before. I thought maybe he would have acted differently instead of blowing up on me. My sister is the most perfect thing to hit this fucked up world in there minds. She may be 3 years younger but in there eyes she is the best. She gets high honor roll, is on a travel team and has many friends (even though there fake and don’t really care about anybody but themselves) and is trust worthy and in lack of better terms; the shit. She comes home, study’s and goes out while all I do is sit in my room watching videos and stuff like that. But I’m sorry this is so long I just needed to vent and I would like to hear any of your adult opinions on what to do, since everybody except the dogs are against me in my family. Thx ",2.479667130596148,3.5186039853862248,3.320669798190675,94.9536606935746,74.90814196242171,6.324309904894456,20.821213175597308,6.42735559955562,-0.03751361633031758,1755,36,417,12,36,557,233,479,0.122,0.713,0.165,0.9723,2,0,0,1,0,1,47.0,0,2,1,8,26,29,6,1,22,0,41,13,8,2,4,72,77,39,2,9,11,4,3,5,1,5,1,6,3,2,27,30,0,0,9,8,0,8,5,11,0,3,10,12,53,18,57,58,13,63,0,3,3,5,29,32,5,5,24,269,80,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008503385092753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094737010691175,0.0,0.0,0.05706553910705469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281212378338093,0.0,0.1761286552188302,0.07421659847461648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137458057553134,0.0,0.0855576271211892,0.0,0.0,0.0722859267978282,0.0,0.18136607416678524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411867059043778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709122591326582,0.08767402369945546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587487421117414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864876766986945,0.0,0.0,0.1662765430606752,0.0,0.14140515711613885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791082335739573,0.0,0.08486057706922416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483304520157182,0.07757869275867063,0.08768495725739585,0.0,0.09538242808526466,0.0703844899409261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457906870035816,0.0,0.0,0.0886615218367322,0.08417426780205624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898334696334118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046117862428782935,0.0,0.1893210813659717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059272125547072535,0.2049848093401611,0.0,0.0,0.0742627349768533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573717631334674,0.0,0.05601436714799541,0.08507732711494613,0.08430457828770778,0.18281754965639066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473091381574893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444482492829502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372687128354612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317843044501624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435843475921105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751706511761457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982302694050936,0.0667331158307452,0.0,0.16985429377679864,0.06686993132414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227647656913844,0.06941591658111501,0.0,0.0839762815993062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393673202654512,0.059395949295298386,0.0,0.20104550822372205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212675092192796,0.09179013243171846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334600191682539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299939269965371,0.053769778544191606,0.2473401847779437,0.19985902624595145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697323746729975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848692443210185,0.13321671959703252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368885846659786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883387146954094,0.0,0.0,0.05403894579902902
suicidewatch,Worth________Nothing,2018/02/04,"i can’t even I hurt then I ignore it until I hurt again.
I decided not to leave life intentionally, but sometimes, I feel helpless and pointless anyway.
Turn myself in to get help, is what the privileged say, easily ignorant that it’s been over a decade for me,
And now, my meds work only kind of.  I’m dehydrated all the time and other side effects. They spare me, not from agony, but more from impulse. They make me functional enough to scrap on along, and sometimes a little more if I load butt-tons of pressure onto my shoulders to reach my dreams.
My relationships often times don’t work out. Friends and family. Workplace relationships are alright, but its also neutral, thus probably holding back my career.
Worst though, my therapist relationships have not been good, and now, I fear getting a new one at all. I prefer not to.
I’m lonely though. I dream a lot about goals and try to work hard, but I fear that I won’t be successful, so the anxiety is paralyzing.

Would I like to die? Maybe? I don’t know. It’s a void of nothing now.",3.227661691542288,5.36152273631841,4.439626865671645,83.1217288557214,75.3681592039801,7.650746268656717,25.59452736318408,8.515128840125781,1.8332109452736312,814,29,158,16,18,267,128,201,0.18600000000000005,0.6409999999999999,0.172,-0.6369,0,2,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,6,13,17,0,3,8,1,12,2,1,4,2,34,20,18,1,3,9,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,8,9,0,3,5,2,0,0,8,10,0,1,2,3,26,7,22,15,7,18,0,4,0,0,8,8,0,3,11,113,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041505628233826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963102598844496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014429181160764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516554932022384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456974017209108,0.0,0.08602037708615537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277594826171563,0.29310589397142656,0.06585179158355214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062086136553673,0.0,0.1360870201393152,0.0,0.0,0.10923670147855766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166668615542794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729518369357656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788430210509233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562189953605336,0.07157490485745313,0.0,0.0,0.13790228548028327,0.0,0.0,0.09199031618783317,0.06362726914501703,0.13053178997556966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107229261675119,0.0,0.0,0.08693427639798837,0.0,0.13084067327076318,0.0,0.14466405964583653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578380395460206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496601117197025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825203037571105,0.09905118421594958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041762272800473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41947772063262606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356977025556903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576156465982388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121531258529847,0.0,0.0,0.2559145814739993,0.0,0.1518846021661916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884224427669485,0.14166056764461998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444248249863124,0.0,0.0,0.0925167000493478,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,M4_r0bot,2018/02/04,Ending it tonight My closest friends stabbed me in the back and left about 2 months ago. About a week later my girlfriend left me saying she didnt love me anymore. I haven't had a good day since and have tried to kill myself multiple times. I thought there was still hope of us getting back together since that's all I really care about but she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I cant keep getting up every day wishing I didn't. Im just so fucking tired of the crying and panic attacks and having to cut myself to calm down. Just want it all to end. I'm not reaching out to anyone in my life this time. Last time they talked me out of it and had me arrested the next day. I'm not going through all that again. I just need it all to end. They'll all be fine anyway. None of them need me anymore. They're fooling themselves if they think they do,2.297839851024208,3.8924374804469295,3.1053407821229047,94.05339292364992,76.43016759776536,5.667188081936686,24.223836126629426,6.079149491110277,0.4247784729981383,675,22,149,4,15,213,106,179,0.211,0.718,0.071,-0.9799,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,5,0,13,13,4,1,5,0,14,4,0,0,5,29,31,8,1,7,7,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,6,1,26,7,22,23,6,30,0,0,0,2,13,9,1,2,20,98,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101809145546787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726145833003153,0.08757102603296447,0.0,0.10306220905953163,0.0,0.0,0.14247907819323616,0.0,0.1926043319382659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769097308430138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375707399879724,0.2423091643226622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327775634426228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552047034756126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676045150341632,0.1157827665665748,0.1308659191914324,0.0,0.07117702691835451,0.10504573715992226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243920134476994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352811640952226,0.0,0.0,0.11131945548832388,0.13855998841296616,0.0,0.0,0.1020876723532651,0.0,0.0,0.2721482040438168,0.0,0.08846102495526262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130343847476041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996572251769173,0.0,0.0,0.1857283952942178,0.0,0.0,0.1331946263277613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694266909445675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023223136255195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959622285112307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072003685475298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001717533591707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006635198088836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024901549817297,0.0,0.09942691805013117,0.2190861191591491,0.14394545953649446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503003620773356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064882611832792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774011005995955,0.0,0.10046032474526173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402032256392874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CalvinBBz,2018/02/04,"I've failed. I can't find myself the place I live. I'd like to sleep and never wake up. Well, English is not my primary language; I'm not from USA. So forgive me for any error.

I'm M 24yo. Since the beginning of 2017, I have no will or wish to keep living. I graduated in Chemistry BSc, and started the master degree. This took me so much stress... Now, I cannot finish it. The deadline is near and I didn't finish my thesis yet.
I have problems with my sexuality. I'm bi, but no one knows. My family, some friends from work and the place I live are extremely homophobic, and show a lot of prejudice.
Also, I'm very shy and lack of selfsteem and self confidence. Society imposes standards that I cannot standard.
I have been planning to hang myself, but sometimes I get scared... don't know what I do. I just like do go to sleep and don't wake up.",1.0793678160919526,3.2047802701149415,3.3708045977011523,88.11298850574714,82.50574712643677,6.625287356321839,22.88505747126437,7.793537801064563,1.159140229885057,653,23,140,12,18,224,108,174,0.139,0.7609999999999999,0.1,-0.5921,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,0,4,7,10,1,2,6,0,16,5,4,0,1,28,29,14,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,4,1,0,3,11,5,1,1,3,0,21,5,15,25,4,16,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,3,9,90,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377388540635013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375624668915038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769684952419055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289103786562594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924023848654212,0.0,0.08739698060143983,0.0,0.09506917124468334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868629436888298,0.0,0.0,0.18386560496285134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344927536797854,0.0,0.44313434424788495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221561204720765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297016684018575,0.0,0.12901677371051162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335336726291415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495443318068193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006452370357158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747662478728167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450969179413853,0.0,0.0,0.13837587893353667,0.0,0.3348019401946655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165444357921312,0.0,0.11840175990796772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916188608080307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585441542252248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802365294666796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040495550569594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923639311915953,0.0,0.0,0.1217819504985812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dandillilion,2018/02/04,"Need help with reply to mom's ideations I had to call the police on her last night. Her boyfriend notified me that she was about to drink some fatal concoction. I was out of town, thank God, but stuck in the backseat of a car for two hours. They got to her before she did anything.

I think I want to start out by thanking her for her honesty, and that she wants to get help. Other than that I just feel lost. She has hurt me emotionally many times growing up, but since I left home she's changed for the better.

Background: she was sexually assaulted by a sibling as a child and the whole thing was covered up by her family, was a victim of two other sexual assault incidents, and raised multiple children on her own after my dad died of an overdose. I'm the oldest and I was almost three when that happened. She's definitely shouldered so much trauma. 😔

Her message to me: 

""I am very sorry you were involved at all.  In either situation.  The truth is that I have not been well for a very long time.  Each day is riddled with thoughts of death and hopelessness.  I have not wanted to burden you with this, but in response to your email I will be completely honest. I have a deep desire to die.  Everyday.  I have multiple plans of ways to die that ensures no one I love finds me and also allows ya'll to get my life insurance.  At any given moment of any given day I am moments away from ending my life.  I am very sorry to hurt you.  That is the last thing I want.  You, [sibling], and [sibling] are the only reasons I don't follow through.  It sickens me to think of the aftermath ya'll would be left with, so I trudge on trying to find moments of peace and joy.  I'm so tired.  I'm so weary.  I beg God to take me.  I am not trying to be dramatic, I just really want it all to be over.  This is why I am getting help.  The times I have said out loud that I am going to do harm to myself have not been empty threats, I have simply been able to stop myself.  If things don't change soon, I will not be able to stop myself.

I would never want to cause you pain, but I know it seems to be all I am capable of.  I have let you down so many times.  Please forgive me.  Please know I am trying so hard to get help and to get better.  I am sorry.""",1.828860009606661,3.623147501094091,3.3715151838608115,90.74334525270856,78.36542669584244,6.209083631317714,21.868442119869776,7.11905507035037,0.5643575705822701,1716,49,372,20,41,566,217,457,0.18,0.655,0.166,-0.9395,0,0,1,0,0,1,57.0,0,7,1,4,13,24,4,1,17,0,49,7,1,3,5,62,85,23,5,11,13,2,2,0,0,4,4,2,1,2,18,17,1,2,11,1,0,4,9,14,1,4,19,4,69,10,69,55,9,50,0,4,0,1,38,20,0,4,25,268,87,0,0.15770625902816945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896001889739661,0.0,0.0,0.06305881918356253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724566411721126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488940686802888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408511086477808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709820540907079,0.0,0.0,0.13947837024721413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051786154228795,0.0,0.0,0.08100388510516184,0.16683231094810386,0.0,0.08267600605194778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170749035987947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24551129739600416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724604722386913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869915736227013,0.0698404679006589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743357127570682,0.0,0.039870511553765545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414066366196854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598752814104576,0.0,0.044814050673937095,0.0,0.0630660510428825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972956201284577,0.0,0.07063691571154287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114143622426308,0.0,0.07909611819382177,0.0,0.07765444881801416,0.0,0.16882781204808686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667123558690032,0.12855164988195816,0.0,0.0,0.1713483118763923,0.08063266739112833,0.11139259467976667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978253825668754,0.0,0.0,0.08607750566642458,0.0,0.07116802801818319,0.0,0.0,0.15988939367842844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235183226482163,0.0,0.0,0.05796612315021912,0.0584685963903177,0.06081639462250055,0.0,0.0,0.07399832039148177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343292129377558,0.0599713582535631,0.08390528936198909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311411411217198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050515333916500864,0.08107415011065429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500738335286017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178492759319434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522812357980763,0.08863422139044626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648088680706578,0.05581265092489944,0.0,0.0,0.13184949416637345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059287740001541876,0.0,0.0,0.14519473480901166,0.0,0.0,0.15715954634378845,0.1010518028856108,0.0,0.06260057685414458,0.18391957575893092,0.09063007261248998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606082966541041,0.0,0.15405609945482662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951862700507068,0.2790577128092751,0.06258994389721735,0.0,0.0,0.07089843331331716,0.0,0.07115268456674735,0.0880367030948767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203000159999016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riciardgo,2018/02/04,"My life will be an april fool's joke Hi, I'm twenty and I have no ambition. I can't do anything, I can't even pay a specialist to solve or at least understand what's my problem. I have a girlfriend that already knows I'm severly depressed even if I can't accept my situation. I'm constantly feeling that everything I do is a waste of time, a costant regret of spending time on my own or with someone else. Suicidal thoughts have been going into my mind since last year, when I lost my most precious friend wich I've known since I was born. I have very little patience with everything, and a lot of trust issues that I fear will come back to me even worse than I could imagine. But I can't explain all of these emotions, I can't say that I don't have nothing, in fact I live in a great and supportive family, but they aren't educated about depression, (just sayin' get over it).
Now, what's about the title? If I can't accomplish nothing, neither I will not have a little of ambition, and determination to continue living, or studying, I will make my life just a stupid decision on April Fools, so that everyone around me can ""suffer laughing"".
I've tried to talk to someone but I don't think anyone could ever understand, becuse neither I can. All I ever wanted was just a simple thing, peace, but my mind won't stop travelling into deep «5h1t» and overthinking everything. What can I do? 

P.s. I also know that I am a coward, so I think i won't do it, but the constant thinking won't stop and I fear that some day i will mot think about this in the same way I do today, it can.be worse...
",4.13321155480034,4.97643691900312,5.319146134239595,82.91494689889551,70.77570093457945,8.702407250070802,28.921127159444925,8.97023862654752,2.2120143302180684,1245,46,255,23,22,414,165,321,0.145,0.747,0.108,-0.9254,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,2,18,19,1,2,14,0,39,2,0,1,5,60,60,20,1,7,14,0,1,0,2,8,2,1,0,0,16,12,0,2,15,2,2,3,16,11,0,0,5,2,40,8,26,44,10,36,0,5,0,0,7,13,0,8,19,177,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009022019621444,0.07977990526814074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975614598083939,0.0,0.08209590347335008,0.08880963123274514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767110795879578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593642020869334,0.0,0.21561529126947804,0.0,0.15930421754195234,0.0,0.0,0.0643384545653421,0.0,0.1718503102381212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333863177079144,0.11221920206159552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976762491442579,0.18048149156906748,0.0,0.0953271887172734,0.26897986873927765,0.0,0.0940470531891044,0.22452073057183936,0.050442835370772036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707613449342783,0.0,0.05212170381330214,0.0,0.056697235434124964,0.0,0.0,0.1099883293030153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412596129736183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096535433761824,0.08131962017708692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093017862029233,0.0,0.19997614139428946,0.17618394351417382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890237617350246,0.08481437182087183,0.0,0.0,0.06659213495895559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146304369042264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914493069028123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545908380451984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933501495949034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270304517230227,0.0,0.1650488730170235,0.1121370472457002,0.0,0.0,0.1690566096720094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681156244973752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912380515955096,0.11320911837559493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018518796491364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627766415348994,0.2556947106136218,0.0,0.07920015242620444,0.1163444425457063,0.0,0.09456303106090684,0.0,0.0,0.06773207860131694,0.0,0.0,0.2077122233232188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231437640761832,0.058842411419779424,0.0791866999653535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033326897268024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424367452337465
suicidewatch,Moyceyy,2018/02/04,"Dear Courtney, thank you for everything. Hi Courtney. I know you will never read this - but I absolutely cannot thank you enough.

You were my greatest thing in life, for over 3 years. Im lost and broken since you said you werent happy anymore. I understand you're trying to fix things for us with space, but just in case you move on with your life, I will always be here. You're my home and I am yours.

You can grow into a beautiful butterfly and fly off into the distance, and I will stay behind - but not too far behind, because in case you lose one of your wings, I will catch you and care for you, secretly watching over you so you have an amazing life.

All those amazing memories, we were nuts about each other. Its such a shame naivety and sadness came in the way of those incredible 3 years

This is goodbye for now. Thank you. <3",2.3137650602409643,4.512606084337354,3.028539156626504,91.8284713855422,78.51807228915663,6.077710843373494,22.423192771084338,7.1686216300943375,0.6561457831325304,654,20,137,8,16,205,102,166,0.131,0.685,0.184,0.9063,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,17,0,2,7,12,0,1,5,0,12,3,0,0,2,23,21,10,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,8,13,0,0,3,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,5,2,28,8,23,11,4,22,0,3,1,0,22,12,0,0,4,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606705907422972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162174241327618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968417157497488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703063003772996,0.16672605645959165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896647766701942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696697807951378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407688645742164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403030563402274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663656606304234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986982918782557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465105829703566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829442057013484,0.17850837544364864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380267684563971,0.0,0.0,0.12612163561608652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108097162146359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357064589133144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555510472211643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527072239514001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429737740752052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516593975347584,0.0,0.0,0.21727933901809424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111023686914597,0.0,0.0,0.17023674252131624,0.19670211669851775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297996394958208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061127175824595
suicidewatch,vintag3music,2018/02/04,"final thoughts. the sunlight used to speak to me. It doesn't do that anymore. The shadows of night have become more comfortable than I ever wanted them to be. I try to be happy but then I climb through the catacombs of my mind and uncover more skeletons that I wanted to stay hidden. I am not a beauty queen or a muse or a force to be reckoned with, I'm below average in a world that wants more. I am not a friend or a girlfriend or a wife or a mother, I am another anonymous soul waiting for something more. That something more never came, and is never coming, it's just me and these thoughts and no one to speak to. Some people light the world on fire with beauty and energy, but I'm happy to extinguish my light and see what the dark holds. I wanted my life to be beautiful, but it wasn't in the cards for me, I hope it is in the cards for all of you. ",3.5830149812734122,4.171406983146071,4.845561797752811,86.74208801498129,71.86516853932585,7.7310861423220985,26.069288389513112,7.793537801064563,1.3050771535580532,665,20,143,8,12,221,94,178,0.097,0.7859999999999999,0.117,0.5563,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,2,2,5,0,0,15,0,13,1,0,1,4,38,27,15,0,5,11,2,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,10,10,0,2,3,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,4,6,17,5,25,19,7,17,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,7,6,110,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353480447453396,0.0,0.0,0.1735832844637295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330750324574567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018833318717072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077333009420404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832516317385867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173742422269285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522817729830544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37264657387181604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384484040367235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362926155029068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673097107346333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26998871797342217,0.0,0.0,0.16425432466602588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860523800554165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134415264095565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947669588728615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694941542578451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655928954026346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779094287676511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883426165673427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117020717810706,0.0,0.0,0.4129502392111923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CringeHingeNation,2018/02/04,"Need help with life Hello I need help, I procrastinate too much that the result of this is me probably failing and not be able to pass to the next grade I'm a grade six student and I have so many requirements that are because of me procrastinating and I'm very anxious. I am almost on the verge of crying because when I do have a requirement all I do is procrastinate I have to pass a project tomorrow, memorize a song when I get home and then sing it in class the next day, next I have to make a project plan, and then get the materials to build said project and proceed to build which is a pencil case, then next day. I'm the leader of my science group and I have to do a script and present it. Next on Friday I'm planning on doing a book report so I can pass reading class (3 book reports), and if I don't get to do any of these my teachers won't sign my clearance and if they don't I won't be able to graduate to high school. 

Sometimes I'm having suicidal thoughts by my life has just gone to a shitstorm while my mom struggles to find a job I'm here not knowing what to do 

P. S I'm just a 13 year old kid in the Philippines and sorry for bad English. ",4.154878048780489,4.097958227642277,5.292178861788621,86.33046341463421,70.3821138211382,8.348617886178863,30.221138211382108,8.021203637495839,1.7866328455284552,908,34,206,11,15,302,124,246,0.09,0.8859999999999999,0.024,-0.9336,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,1,18,0,25,2,0,2,1,31,42,21,1,4,6,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,8,12,0,2,4,5,0,4,6,3,0,1,3,2,21,0,26,35,2,29,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,3,18,128,29,23,0.243270199048185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217999820196552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271603872167384,0.0,0.0,0.1374130404076403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156022740111592,0.14829525538742042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361044528295796,0.15688915314464313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117227735939526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064795759323055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630588865062842,0.1285141608775767,0.12200992234247875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070406767390934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684746966577677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182893594223364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119237344435876,0.12331889953364898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245755847594355,0.0,0.0,0.0894157936641349,0.18038177012872966,0.0,0.0,0.646801541319952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763557572444287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114320996367146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166801570947608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157028338049318,0.0,0.0,0.12310121450642142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030022363076892,0.1361605355049495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715941583409512,0.0,0.1330490567038378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656468224966758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036169576551564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832901613012766
suicidewatch,throwaway169022,2018/02/04,"I cannot handle this on my own anymore Hello, this is my first time ever expressing anything like this, and it is difficult to do, so I apologize if this does not come out being coherent or reasonable.

While I have struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide for a long time, I never understood what it meant to be suicidal until more recently. It is constantly filling my mind every day. After some experimentation of what I can tolerate (I am struggling with self-harm as well), I believe I found a method of how I would do it. It no longer seems like some extreme far off thing, but something I could thoughtlessly do any second, like it would be something routine.

I do not trust myself to try to manage this alone any longer, but I do not know how to get help. I know about the hotlines, but something about them gives me extreme anxiety. What do they even say? I have already read almost every anti-suicide spiel on the internet and I'm still in pain. I have also read that hospitals accept suicidal patients, but I have no idea how any of that works, and being locked up for a few weeks would only make things worse (being a college student, I would fail my classes and be destroyed financially).

I don't know if it's healthy to delve too far in to explain how I feel and why, so for now I'll leave it here.",6.8840290178571415,6.513972648437503,7.075022321428572,76.90703125000002,64.703125,10.126785714285717,34.691964285714285,9.606745405546679,3.154441741071428,1042,42,197,18,14,337,147,256,0.188,0.7440000000000001,0.068,-0.9856,1,1,4,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,2,3,16,13,1,2,6,0,28,1,0,7,2,50,43,23,3,7,10,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,20,10,0,0,13,2,0,2,8,7,1,2,4,2,27,6,28,28,5,26,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,7,18,150,47,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554596121084757,0.10916580507825308,0.11631492203538216,0.08429080661946982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503313062124865,0.0,0.08063306925314068,0.0,0.10453153472217604,0.0,0.0,0.0867377555872608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875317910999265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079542214338958,0.0,0.11390328654510185,0.0,0.0841557842752725,0.0,0.0,0.06797626813087318,0.0,0.09078352010504304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922389473845616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961774160163399,0.09534312213778012,0.1776132852183047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329496528336235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965580773076612,0.0,0.11556903903650255,0.0,0.0,0.055068760009656006,0.10111224071747332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064946408407108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898724990627285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378033206726146,0.0,0.0,0.11160664486771096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448386529573832,0.0,0.0,0.09327841075627794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035737572434166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642706581064712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812933547565511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801637935297038,0.11215631075130643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108632112047582,0.0,0.0,0.10837192318685836,0.1040728275834985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838207614013502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595500721852787,0.1099584021168362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434333262294651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417503746503151,0.0,0.0,0.22038037360389148,0.0,0.4611754565197554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005024833196775,0.0,0.0,0.08367827349446177,0.12292276952334732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156177385934101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454799458973443,0.0,0.09477002914754824,0.0,0.0951098871327296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673469906354742,0.0,0.1074147454272728,0.29950130125193297,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,obviousthroawaycuz,2018/02/04,"I don't deserve anything I thought these feelings were gone. I thought i was maybe cured. But this pain doesnt go away. It's not that i feel lonely. I have some friends and a wonderful girlfriend. But i cant help but feel like i dont deserve anything. Ive become an empty shell of a person. Im starting to lose interest in everything. I have no motivation. I keep myself in the same shitty position ive been in since i was 18 years old. I just lay around, smoke weed, play video games. Basically nothing productive. I am mediocre. But i dont even care to change. I dont even want to. Id rather blame my shitty childhood then do anything about it now. This life is a drag. Im only 23 and I already feel like giving up. Living this life is just too much. I dont want to work anymore. I dont even care about money. Im just so tired. I dont deserve anyone I have.  Not living would be so much less pain. Why continue this if nothing can make this any better?",-0.08619615384615288,2.1964960650000047,1.9830000000000003,94.54630769230774,90.85,4.676923076923077,20.69230769230769,6.297961479604792,0.2062038461538465,743,26,163,8,26,247,115,200,0.224,0.637,0.139,-0.9598,0,2,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,5,14,12,0,0,5,0,25,5,0,2,0,29,42,10,0,5,11,0,4,2,2,1,5,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,8,3,1,2,12,4,0,0,7,4,24,8,13,33,5,15,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,3,9,101,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099281429366055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118101958474721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922363527775158,0.06290740328888057,0.0,0.2221068854455468,0.08009019433828296,0.0,0.0,0.08452747541947002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993620913403969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956898744565606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345582789312026,0.0,0.09517373935350096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6326477961586278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782681561703078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808570334147556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819611873956103,0.12854567237183376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950870648527363,0.0,0.0,0.08630507254934769,0.05113063235745282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030335278975368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915411797478735,0.0,0.0,0.07996729280831426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270934834111376,0.08790720165659961,0.0,0.15888599107404586,0.0,0.0,0.10065067640859247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005403869189181,0.0,0.09038449712405272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322730031054478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265258264153546,0.0,0.0944058102731833,0.0,0.0,0.06842437638924183,0.19146363422615625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855619504816896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442208762586369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367949543546964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284837154233224,0.0,0.10340446475135308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613038474605684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118172093610805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756597095939586,0.06549744840722697,0.0,0.0,0.06391036671167652,0.0,0.0,0.057936152939292315
suicidewatch,archiearcher,2018/02/04,"Talk me out of it I see no point in going on. 6 month old step son died. I raised him since before he was born. I was his father... His Mother doesn't love me anymore... told me so on Christmas. His death didn't change her feelings towards me. She drinks a lot now. I moved out without saying goodbye. Just fucking disappeared. I started drinking a lot. My only solace was a subreddit that banned me for trolling a guy who said he wanted to kill several people that made the game I like playing. I pleaded to the mods and they refuse to unban me despite my apologies. It sounds petty, but so is everything else I've done... the subreddit was my last bastion of hope that anything would get better. The only happiness I could still cling to when everything in real life had lost its color. 

Now I have absolutely nothing left.  

Talk me out of it. I see no point anymore. Sorry if this is the wrong sub I just searched for suicide. 


",1.9089779005524856,4.416801928176799,3.0643618784530418,89.21168093922653,82.20441988950276,5.387955801104972,24.519613259668517,6.742157984588678,0.988601988950276,723,28,139,8,20,232,121,181,0.183,0.736,0.081,-0.9416,0,0,2,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,2,0,9,0,13,5,0,1,0,20,27,6,4,5,5,3,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,9,4,2,2,1,4,0,4,5,4,0,0,11,7,28,6,18,14,2,24,0,1,3,2,23,11,1,4,10,92,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25665303815624746,0.0,0.0,0.10648226180497188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010685749591424,0.0,0.0,0.11444065413481415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368842979874513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331254472669824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429309706676806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241750471537542,0.0,0.25351853933939683,0.0,0.0,0.10809413906463997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325863905634085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542673842281621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196249427850367,0.06760431003686912,0.0,0.07353899051825931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812283970560664,0.0,0.1377449384573409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851988195531994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315801200574793,0.0,0.0,0.105475385728453,0.0,0.0,0.14058963308271194,0.0,0.09139654685047008,0.0632165745958069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125152218654569,0.22001648713168775,0.11678535769309853,0.12243805972301053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328302036009547,0.13752795970233225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415939381569355,0.0,0.13577981860293328,0.0,0.0,0.19682367827288627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970721326656357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446429598539725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728150068659435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308566554983158,0.10290125908608977,0.0,0.0,0.20622445221070146,0.0,0.0,0.14618116927296354,0.0,0.10703808937871892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484874383028135,0.0915874808333747,0.0,0.10333618060681317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153872603309667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800794720609933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236438632948326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632138502587743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473357052321815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919195330652584,0.14147471670148842,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brumby101,2018/02/04,"Friends for Nothing.. honeslty i did so much to help people. but no cunt never does anything to help me.. i go out of my way to help my friends and im there for them when they need me... but when something happens in my life like umm i dont know... my dad Attempting suicide... You think me telling yous what happened. you would comfort me and tell me everthings going to be okay, But yous didnt even say im sorry to hear that or give me a hug...FUCKING FRIENDS FOR NOTHING! I cant believe that... while im sitting there crying and no ones gives a mother fuck!",1.3676205533596824,3.3035090347826106,2.44205533596838,96.17494071146244,80.3913043478261,4.8774703557312264,26.10671936758893,5.565023196281405,0.5098695652173921,429,18,96,2,11,136,74,115,0.147,0.63,0.223,0.8887,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,2,1,6,8,2,0,2,1,6,2,0,0,1,13,17,11,1,2,4,2,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,2,1,1,2,2,18,6,11,13,1,10,0,0,0,1,18,2,2,1,5,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192433256482316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323627204609078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940018649036138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190229393486307,0.0,0.15940226749751224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898330745438104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315242096555543,0.2514774132773959,0.0,0.2609456511715195,0.15459480840709788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054572433364216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329273219993064,0.0,0.2734931539374577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407412029526001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474733291491897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606762038642963,0.06644743264027543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998272380811632,0.1008494135305867,0.10489900749078987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610098066836082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921636418245816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942919487332074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816031278885532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470685411751413,0.0,0.15225163986233348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877245444264245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377568141507601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714947584161532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795810956036524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661733525948517,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Help_meness,2018/02/04,"I have just overdosed I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad and I'm sorry Alina. I know I fucked up and it's sad to see everything haunt me as long as it has. But I couldn't keep living, I really couldn't. 13g's of Acetaminophen, I love you all. Stay happy, bye.",-3.177988505747124,-2.153845637931031,0.5363793103448273,99.8257183908046,117.44827586206895,3.3126436781609194,10.005747126436779,5.46131890053228,-1.4349701149425291,195,3,48,2,12,70,40,58,0.243,0.621,0.136,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,9,12,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,2,5,10,1,3,0,1,1,2,5,1,1,0,2,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567262982109285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127856226019816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23176690852119725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351947286036245,0.0,0.0,0.11965317684657135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225068248370644,0.19267528227305106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965007325583452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549909446487167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947695891595735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349459183632324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7311588927339063,0.0,0.23206047136518695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,satirical_whit,2018/02/04,Just end it Those concrete median barriers are looking more and more inviting as the hours pass.,8.957647058823529,9.782781235294117,7.698823529411764,70.14470588235297,60.17647058823529,11.505882352941176,40.52941176470589,11.20814326018867,4.987400000000001,79,4,12,2,1,24,16,17,0.0,0.8490000000000001,0.151,0.4323,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5647639594014806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6279516059655085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5354609703110969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArtisanLRO,2018/02/04,"i just dont know man i wanna be concise in conveying what i want to say but i dont know how 

i feel like it's amazing how motherfucking complicated this bullshit has to be i just want friends, a genuine relationship maybe
it breaks my fucking heart how this socializing shit feels like a fucking maze nowadays

I think I'm fucking delusional and fucked in the head
y'know what i mean
Man i am so tired of feeling like i am breaking the elephant in the room that is ""being edgy"" 

Fuck that shit why is it so hard to get some compassion nowadays because ""everyone else is suffering""

I think the root of my aspergers (yeah im pulling the fucking cripple card because fuck the shame associated with ""just not keeping your trap shut because everyone else has mental health issues but aren't complaining man im being fucking stabbed in the heart right now) is the whole fact that i can't have the ideal world i want where none of this shit is needlessly complicated

I just wanna bawl, shout, fucking cry! Why does finding a shoulder to cry on feel either too weird to do or it feels like I'm one-upping someone's problems

Jesus Christ sorry i just want to be fucking cared for, i've had help before and it worked but sometimes i cant fucking do this anymore",3.51524962742176,5.749729176229515,4.307585692995531,83.93346497764533,74.86065573770493,6.895380029806259,29.943368107302533,7.84624498591911,2.094604918032787,1005,46,188,15,22,322,132,244,0.267,0.5820000000000001,0.151,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,13,27,14,1,12,1,23,20,7,4,1,40,53,11,0,8,11,0,6,4,1,0,2,2,1,3,14,3,0,1,11,0,0,1,7,19,0,0,1,8,19,8,18,47,4,14,2,1,0,11,10,10,14,2,5,110,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020151654931704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294529876613731,0.0,0.060234380502341714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217189311899155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551202254771107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061946033878857484,0.0,0.1659232802820408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826663026386285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352797033328615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895974632339898,0.20228050825910668,0.0,0.0,0.06469788221564977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054689730960382835,0.7198541429363151,0.03698319820371005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341109769689496,0.0,0.07264771183478874,0.0752430924829577,0.0,0.16776547395539085,0.04744692149866725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292385170637424,0.07388306181635933,0.0,0.06291858891437474,0.0,0.0,0.11670777521816628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833148252005278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711148873379079,0.07710761213250887,0.0,0.0,0.07133647761305854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047966989473698464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773343844116862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599856654619612,0.0,0.060451567922795275,0.0,0.05629253013774891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798499804557508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215826102795117,0.05997745320780853,0.0,0.07000998705656228,0.07924006324023136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907146876485114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135905044574546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700763061138182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774821173912254,0.07903097020343877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051533656905868384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IRlyLikeRamen,2018/02/04,"There is no point. I don't see the point of anything anymore. Why am I here? 

People always want to say ""you're important"" or ""someone loves you."" 

No one loves me. I don't have any friends. I don't really have anyone. I don't think I've ever had any deep, meaningful relationships in my life. If I were to die, I think my ""acquaintances"" might feel bad for a day or two, maybe think ""oh that's too bad."" But it wouldn't greatly affect anyone. 

There isn't a reason to go on. ",0.24484848484848604,2.3523892424242447,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,85.86868686868685,5.62020202020202,18.090909090909093,6.980632752743323,0.04464848484848494,361,9,83,5,11,121,67,99,0.146,0.723,0.13,-0.3724,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,13,3,0,2,1,15,22,4,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,2,3,11,4,7,18,0,8,0,0,1,2,6,5,0,4,2,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417187132387479,0.0,0.0,0.23164496730380826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891027819512167,0.2381814405337755,0.0,0.14015768987993776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28441782173418323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984140232101773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676380960215107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540629182101485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611819807618616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158772238837754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679598134400834,0.0,0.0,0.1877768499602264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030105909120785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074383595653981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110791895246624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806811118529729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541228643533773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807746721267885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220122442677314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091104518746774,0.17511588003260445,0.0,0.18285842883081332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544418116943005,0.0,0.0,0.13572186732634725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431039106753296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273998315192244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663765170131407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045831890063013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368603873839265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Master_Touch,2018/02/04,"I made a noose. Title. I don't think I'm ready to do it yet. The butterflies and nervousness betray me. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to do it. I don't even want to. The only time I'm content is when I'm sleeping. I don't dream much but that blank passage of time that you feel when you wake up has me yearning for more. I want my existence to be 100% that. I don't want to leave my girlfriend, who is depressed, with questions. I don't want to leave my rats with no dad. I don't want to leave my uncle without a nephew. It's getting harder to rationally think though. I'm becoming more selfish, why should I continue living if I'm not getting anything out of it? I hate my job, I live with my parents who only love money and have put me in debt. I have one friend who I feel would mourn my passing. I don't really have anyone else I'm close to outside her, my girlfriend and my uncle. My mum would be sad but she'd get over it. She's lost a child before. I made a noose earlier and just sat with it strangling me for a bit. It felt much more like being put in a choke hold than I thought it would. I've been to therapy, I'm on anti anxiety and depression medication, I haven't been to work in over a month. 

I'm sorry about the rambling nature of this post but I needed to get it out there to someone. Time zones are weird so it's more than likely that no one will read this. There's just something cathartic about hitting the post/send button. Much better than writing in a notepad file or a diary. 

For now I'll listen to some music. Some Ween and Bloodhound Gang should help.",0.9426322395553156,2.8467560532544383,2.7530661646046286,93.5673417608033,81.66272189349112,5.517088040164964,21.189169804554414,6.574015621080383,0.2451072978303745,1238,37,279,12,33,411,164,338,0.191,0.731,0.078,-0.9872,3,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,3,15,15,1,1,13,0,31,4,2,2,1,50,64,16,1,14,10,4,3,2,3,6,1,1,0,1,19,13,0,1,8,2,2,3,13,10,0,2,8,4,38,5,40,44,10,25,0,6,0,1,21,11,0,6,12,179,57,3,0.10379116470541948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939995691073531,0.0,0.0,0.0725731956268109,0.1063463137130858,0.08541128497219085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462918695946694,0.08831863658381485,0.0,0.0,0.09179485068240867,0.11331307018234026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879035614818864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670419992001438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371061708202839,0.09388505063237257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495986290124464,0.0,0.09965579474535163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018879638629106,0.0,0.21690639894494665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247228719540263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956902987818847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029967157306874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704090974864464,0.0,0.0,0.3296995714857832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141424076166862,0.0,0.18329899995434465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330031697042214,0.0,0.09367557842426234,0.1964194192192842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455867905637724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284511744239459,0.0,0.22889534526886646,0.07695983349599589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406631586816951,0.15787571553495455,0.0,0.0,0.11524780554914366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880649051983407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867757568199466,0.11626985819399807,0.0,0.10381925206862293,0.0,0.06649127783495634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386612144328744,0.0,0.08794191703984182,0.0799035093677509,0.0,0.1161857113799058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869424233034435,0.0,0.0,0.13301037487937115,0.10197429234654797,0.08239859119050218,0.18156438841849995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30609359039803685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365538246368424,0.0,0.0,0.10005097897967463,0.0,0.07556120405235092,0.0,0.0,0.22119079647820533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vlad667,2018/02/04,"Just empty I've always had suicidal thoughts, but recintly it's been getting worse, I lost interest in everything and don't know what I'm working towards. I don't know why I get up in the morning.",3.841166666666666,5.205561450000005,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,72.0,8.333333333333334,35.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.2713333333333328,158,9,30,3,3,53,32,40,0.266,0.639,0.095,-0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,11,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,4,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27431090841197064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962851224818524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34447675517135123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623547778730532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35987251404014786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606042355019796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617202577891597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974748777569289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000286312807845,0.0,0.33596074213270466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pixel_1,2018/02/04,"whats holding me back. im 16...i have been depressed since my parents almost got divorced in 2013-14 and it goes away for a couple days then hits even harder, 2 years ago when i was ready to kill myself i found a girl who basically saved my life.. i ended up breaking up with her after being together for a little over half a year and now i feel so lonely even though i have a small group of friends, i feel like no one understands and alls i get called is emo boy and get laughed at for being ""edgy"" and stuff.. my parents stayed together for me and my brothers... so should i stay for them or just leave...",1.450253333333329,3.420018072000005,2.726900000000004,94.06528333333335,80.28,5.446666666666667,20.816666666666666,6.42735559955562,0.1141066666666668,469,13,104,4,12,151,90,125,0.107,0.782,0.111,-0.1384,2,2,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,1,0,5,0,8,1,0,0,1,18,16,12,1,1,2,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,4,2,17,4,15,8,1,21,0,2,0,0,12,8,0,2,11,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946839114310462,0.0,0.16884511065591765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842079215018798,0.12965571306705795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217634230244222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657099708450736,0.0,0.10874372058259303,0.0,0.14522918093709433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934420857055564,0.0,0.0,0.22273927205724067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705151804472414,0.12045969161841152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184879335605604,0.13027272242648266,0.0,0.17619036807935998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485805241262847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821348005913982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865492216032258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854057214922242,0.0,0.0,0.1190988505169615,0.08237752549117919,0.16899807269135092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425893299544206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744574319394959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948134635101528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594455982165354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302559995244126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656648968454891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553576727359466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716705005631828
suicidewatch,KingFly11,2018/02/04,"Why are we so mean to each other? This subreddit has been one of the more powerful things I've ever encountered. The pure love here is truly inspiring. I just wish more of our society was like this--free of judgment, free of obligations, just trying to hold onto that supposedly precious thing called life. I love each and every one of you! 

Yet, the outside world is so surreal. After all the generations that have come before, we never seem to take to heart to treat each other with kindness. So much competition, so much stress. We are ""advancing"" at such a fast pace and don't know what the fuck we are doing. Spectacular wealth and spectacular poverty, all in the same world, divided by social constructions we have put up to essentially rationalize this massive disparity. Where is the love? Why is it not prevailing over the hate that seems to be permeating through us as a society? What the fuck are we doing?

I understand if this post is too negative to keep up. I will quickly take it down if others deem it to be for the best. I just wanted to get that stuff off my chest. ",4.685441176470589,6.522118181372548,5.636421568627451,77.36139705882354,70.61764705882355,9.609803921568627,27.946078431372552,9.978442167317967,2.860672549019608,855,31,159,23,16,281,127,204,0.086,0.7170000000000001,0.198,0.9802,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,8,1,0,3,14,15,3,1,12,0,20,8,2,0,5,36,38,10,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,18,14,0,2,6,0,2,3,4,4,0,2,2,0,15,12,29,33,11,21,0,0,0,5,14,11,2,4,7,129,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227134038531732,0.0,0.151341120245281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472561121507571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422547740411187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304475995062775,0.12150444718849175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666425007259455,0.07534458060504806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237904533811854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089137620753425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818184808958547,0.0,0.15017413315308295,0.07925489415243743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186087969010812,0.07045447690555841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904696516271641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708865051583862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202415881525194,0.0,0.1112248345347842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954429514113798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811479719028671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497243509564392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26256955030644075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700551002631154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519383855419262,0.0,0.1650877177111497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685827029190866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161548620950794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979101733512779,0.0,0.0,0.1501293051440494,0.17346873338236304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505970614647282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602569789533103,0.0,0.16583616069375165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TyrekeAnthony,2018/02/04,"I’ve been drowning all my life, and Im out of air now. I’m only 16, come March I will be seventeen. I know I’m young and there is a lot of life to live. Bu that’s the problem. I can’t do it. I am so fucked up in the head. I’ve had depression as long as I can remember. It’s weird because I have a lot of support from a lot of different people. Apparently I’m also athletic,”good looking” and one of the popular kids. But I have fucked up thoughts, can’t do well in school to save my life (literally), have stolen probably 10,000 worth of items or credit card purchases. I have times where I can control those impulses, but they always come back. I lie incredibly well and will do so everyday. I’ve had so much counseling,meds, and help that I’m exhausted. I do every drug I come in contact not to escape but just for the fun of it. Oh, and my brother just got shot and killed two nights ago. Also, last night I almost drove in to a river, but ran into the mountain and flipped and totaled the car. I don’t see myself being successful in the future. If someone were to hand me meth, I’d probably smoke it. If there was a video game in a store, I’d steal it. I can’t help it, and I’ve opened up about these feelings to everyone. I’ve talked my ass off. I literally feel like I’m not meant for life, and that “god” doesn’t want me to succeed. I’m not sure what to do anymore, I just want everything to go away",1.175755555555554,2.8214014200000013,3.3753333333333337,90.65322222222223,79.8,7.1111111111111125,23.11111111111111,8.045849151850463,1.0823777777777779,1086,36,252,20,27,372,162,300,0.12,0.727,0.153,0.8133,2,0,3,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,3,16,19,3,0,13,0,27,11,3,1,3,48,52,25,2,5,13,1,3,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,12,17,0,1,6,2,4,7,8,8,2,2,10,5,25,11,35,38,7,35,0,1,2,3,8,16,3,7,13,157,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020774160867432,0.0,0.11531048459693954,0.0,0.0,0.18417784341252552,0.09581767483717776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142022090300232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819133726824903,0.0885466155723723,0.0,0.07019704551102023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975859238883484,0.0,0.0,0.12915543683393566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918230481426166,0.0,0.0,0.12031182508771668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354252986017867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702253764340273,0.11003495164300174,0.1034933378676407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164510361722866,0.08226631710540509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129167504781206,0.0,0.0,0.06544489188482035,0.09658603638050492,0.09209948286385072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818162313745838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437111655601726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438649858781092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740126771030025,0.0,0.06328583956601933,0.09386619488330343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32534779632525823,0.05625861683162512,0.0,0.10168343347642762,0.10190800882709036,0.09670068273435907,0.0,0.0,0.29370042568716176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465172430294371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612918291696848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780315928726119,0.08758010039411271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983355267925618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483118115743045,0.11018719645104022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044747250237626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654238747684376,0.09176313737665867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756993844306372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306758337639745,0.10853164698253608,0.0,0.0,0.0925567343265784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141972043445608,0.06714744912607003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248910354450337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584208203886358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707524685741824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zephead81,2018/02/04,"Abyss I'm at peace with dying. Think there is part of me still holding on to hope. That something might change. That i will find some kind of spark. I don't see it happening though. I have nothing, no one. When this final piece of hope exhausts itself, i can finally be free.",0.8247532467532429,3.3115078909090947,1.6342857142857168,97.34000000000002,88.27272727272728,4.5974025974025965,18.766233766233768,6.18269132825596,-0.17764935064935106,214,6,46,2,7,66,47,55,0.035,0.698,0.267,0.9185,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,13,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,5,5,7,10,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332843772183248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22886833606593085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831449220371267,0.20155427185012287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950079976166412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380587264270145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296410486031528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23394033836114506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115980232060954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943227359419226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880520942496544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757284933644252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976958551026286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611016669852594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130240580490244,0.2166629911672316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScarceCrimson,2018/02/04,"Last friend just quit talking to me. The sad reality is that no one fucking cares at all. I have no one to talk to, I'm stuck on a shitty property surrounded by shitty people. My last friend just basically said ""I don't wanna talk to you anymore"" 

That was it, that was the last straw. They were the only reason I could get through the day and not feel shitty when I go to bed at night. 

That small comfort was the only thing I had in this entire world that dulled my pain and now it's gone. 

It's okay, though, I get it. I'm a shitty person, why would you be friends with me? Why would you wanna hear any of my shitty, irrelevant problems? I can't even keep a friend. 

At this point I'm completely convinced no one will ever actually give a fuck about me. People will say they're there and they wanna help you, but what happens when I ask for help or need them to be there? I usually just end up crying myself to sleep because I trusted another person that I shouldn't have. 

I don't even know why I put this here, I'm just so fucking done with life, it takes everything from me. ",1.358764777823076,3.4022221390134533,2.9676661231145545,91.83986445169182,80.97309417040357,5.848267427639628,20.001834488381576,6.980632752743323,0.26894798206278026,839,22,184,10,22,276,125,223,0.14300000000000002,0.746,0.111,-0.6482,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,3,1,16,16,3,0,9,1,20,6,1,1,2,27,43,9,0,9,7,0,1,0,4,5,2,3,1,2,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,8,7,0,3,9,4,28,9,24,26,1,24,0,2,0,3,23,10,3,1,11,125,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.10555352715201012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355597195139313,0.11342053043920992,0.0,0.0,0.1072707068047588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111976015277907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593643635731546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028152049782253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340904142406855,0.0,0.0,0.08636102478463031,0.0,0.11881427492817352,0.06975753630451215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069044361355468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580216674043794,0.0,0.0,0.14288404676362298,0.09784151861804036,0.0,0.0,0.09721181049770164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469152070019806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33427232820311154,0.29999065484393583,0.11302359282866685,0.10376181271234364,0.06147271466001236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565003396303612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190992030166227,0.0,0.14500156278807502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614210398519804,0.0,0.0,0.059444706005597,0.26450696065497503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640020356350123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020304543824139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150561188594508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988639777569524,0.16452885370787118,0.11509528448886774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997611158970445,0.18889117307263192,0.0,0.0,0.10225097433823248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349938538430996,0.0,0.10873579323190616,0.0,0.11504689004102756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112117298281577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288977240180927,0.08601722288239169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824320790719097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132668815120955,0.2608170120809702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186008110701275,0.0,0.1062716540704083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912856779758993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928065155830237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536747564245991,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ghosssy,2018/02/04,"Committing suicide to just find out what happens after death? I'm not all that depressed, I have a decent job, money and it's pretty easy. But I've always since a young age had a great interest in death and the afterlife. I've always just wanted to die to just simply figure it out.  

This has always been my fantasy as long as I can remember. However in the most recent few years I've realized that living in this world doesn't matter. We're all doing things that we don't particularly enjoy to pass time. It's all about time. 

I'm not suicidal, or anything but when it comes time that I've had enough of this life there will be no hesitation ",2.993013986013988,4.80799431538462,4.6313986013986055,82.90723776223777,75.07692307692308,7.804195804195802,22.58741258741259,8.575989854853784,1.4456923076923085,511,14,101,10,11,172,85,130,0.141,0.753,0.106,-0.6822,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,0,4,25,16,8,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,6,0,0,4,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,14,11,6,18,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,10,66,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600326909259218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165515255750908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587497105897161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872890067333115,0.0,0.19126415778416667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042106621615373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684379268703621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031806235667908,0.0,0.0,0.1629672372615978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828796117766583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016963596457318,0.0,0.0,0.16273164495046433,0.1630910497716749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748941226699348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196436416190692,0.0,0.2087648995926484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244677844959115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40316718907904536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224342365830194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32238333650621986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869914944800124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867686265076638
suicidewatch,sadclowntears,2018/02/04,"Hug me I’m scared I lost three people to suicide last year and they were all people I consider stronger than myself. 

I kind of expected two of them to leave that way and I know it’s bad to say but after the initial wave of sadness I was happy that they were finally at peace. The third... I did not expect. It’s officially been a month since he passed on and there’s been no feeling of relief. Whenever I think of him I feel panicked. 

I thought he would make it. Him and I were extremely similar and seeing him randomly go and do that scared me. I’m still scared. After that I started to think of all the other people who left us this year and it really hit me that I’m going to kill myself one day. It never goes away and one day when my luck is running low I’ll end up dead just like him. I constantly want to die but there’s always small things that hold me back. I kind of hope my reckless habits will kill me before “I” can so nobody has to hold that sort of sadness or guilt in their hearts. I’m scared to hurt people by leaving but it’s all I want to do.",1.0373696969696982,2.970201862222221,2.7684141414141443,93.4303181818182,81.48888888888891,5.8686868686868685,19.560606060606066,6.980632752743323,0.1878000000000002,829,21,187,10,22,274,128,225,0.268,0.612,0.121,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,1,4,16.0,1,0,4,1,7,21,2,5,4,0,14,2,1,1,4,36,34,14,5,6,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,17,8,0,2,6,0,0,4,3,13,0,5,9,4,33,8,26,22,3,29,0,5,1,1,13,8,0,5,17,124,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608023438939974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848780312505177,0.08878925097106008,0.09641257090270863,0.0,0.0,0.09825640825117984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478197616664227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893710843795946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983956013999687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022720873779565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677013525254645,0.0,0.0,0.12649166751516674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124844789998394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291989087146865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683242661367384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468769772367665,0.0,0.0,0.1236129515209638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25550074522081473,0.24048833252985835,0.06345925539693656,0.09412340699097793,0.0,0.2445319730859073,0.12545842010404407,0.0,0.0,0.05641277666976605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260490721985851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707707694023365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216699890188973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905753085291085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649083002105527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202092501866997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397299587946038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182632537395267,0.4624221874467633,0.0,0.09201458668703946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551792184071682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173021292334222,0.0,0.09221443768111766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630536521284236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671309265765625,0.14797694123580926,0.0,0.09167022871387656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279734613864564,0.0,0.13889611200440827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621431645483778,0.09165465816097744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202652743452415,0.0,0.0,0.14871770208939813
suicidewatch,dank_Blank,2018/02/04,"Nothing Matters I’ve gone the past 4 years since I attempted suicide. I’ve had my ups and downs and overall I’ve had a pretty positive 4 years. However, nothing I accomplish or the goals I meet in my life seem to be enough. Everything has been steadily up from the lows I’ve felt when i was 19. I don’t understand why I can’t feel happy in life. Why do we set goals and meet them but I️t doesn’t create happiness nothing I do makes things change. I’ve been through therapy, I’ve been through self help, but I don’t know what I’m missing. Is it that I’m not trying enough? Is something in my life just unresolved and I’m not reaching those expectations? Does anyone have ideas on what I can change or seek to help? Nothing ends the ups and downs I’ve felt over time I really need to get a better handle on this before I reach how low I used to be. The longer this goes the more I seem comfortable with the end game of life. Any and all help is appreciated thank you for your time today.",1.5930000000000002,3.6560658975609748,3.027987804878048,91.60978658536587,80.26829268292683,6.63658536585366,22.445121951219512,7.7348632917899725,0.9039707317073168,779,25,172,13,20,254,116,205,0.067,0.7290000000000001,0.204,0.986,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,1,2,1,5,3,8,0,0,9,0,20,4,0,3,1,31,37,12,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,8,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,9,3,20,5,21,26,4,24,0,3,0,0,11,13,0,5,9,97,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837282991142837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058432585125147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806785725416103,0.0,0.0,0.10192779985735424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24383494544592815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085460757178452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415166083472408,0.2381647063782892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357778556108227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582730284940896,0.0,0.2213129783624425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021250608035693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453680228339813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174561865875545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010135886862428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333747905595151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32561327110394506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692916842247854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545519108446509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44233559966716585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001759052511292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724900429587685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383104399689326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098355385003481,0.12022916359266846,0.0,0.0,0.09533462591410218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872381021582848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260629891382069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061051964094781,0.13179653201163838,0.0,0.07656588261443932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344044791646126,0.0,0.10924195999284816,0.0,0.0,0.07824606442693012,0.0,0.0,0.1199775966132351,0.0,0.09953757111276858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798741995561104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843231743609786
suicidewatch,jowlzaah,2018/02/04,"When there doesn’t appear to be another way I’m posting on here as I wouldn’t dare let my friends or family know how pathetic, weak and sentimental I am, so I thought I’d share anonymously and hope someone might have some answers for me.

I haven’t felt myself lately, I’ve been drowning in my own mind and emotions and I fear I may never be myself again.

I’m told I’m a nice guy all the time , I always try and do the moral thing in situations although I’m definitely not perfect but in return I get lied too and betrayed.

I’ve learned to get over most stuff in my life as I had quite a rough childhood, however as of recent I started seeing my ex girlfriend (haven’t seen each other in 3-4 years) as she is back in the town I live in,

I’m not sure how it happened but one night we ended up sleeping together which sort of sparked us back up, I was skeptical at first as I had trust issues from what happened between us before (she suffered from depression herself and did some selfish and dark things that hurt our relationship as did I in return).

She isn’t one to talk about her feelings openly so I just shrugged off what we had as I was actually happy that I could have a second chance with her and didn’t want to spoil it, a month later and I’m starting to feel things that I haven’t in a long time (avoided emotional attachment from anyone since we broke up as it put me in a bad place then too, but not as bad as now) Things were still going quite great, she seemed into me as well, tells me she misses me and can’t wait to see me but eventually after time she starts being distant, I mentioned this and even told her how I felt and that I do not want to be jerked around, she said she wasn’t jerking me around in which I trusted that judgement, Funnily enough from here we barely see each other , haven’t slept together in ages (which isn’t like her as she thoroughly enjoys the sex we have - a mutual friend of ours always mentions it to me because I’m awkward talking about that stuff). I’ve never been diagnosed with anxiety but I know for sure I have it, I tend to live in my head and am extremely introverted and shy unless I’m drunk.

When we see each other we still kiss hi and goodbye and have decent amounts of fun, but it doesn’t feel the same , she isn’t as flirtatious as she once was, she mentioned she has a lot going on in her life at the moment, which is fair I let her know that if she needed any support that I’m here but now it’s been a long time and we’ve lost contact I barely see her now days, I don’t know what to think of this anymore, I trusted her to not hurt me but I have a feeling she slept with someone else last night and I can’t let that thought go , it would destroy me, it took a lot of effort to embrace the lost feelings I once felt and I feel betrayed.

It feels like she is playing mind games with me or is completely indecisive about what she wants, I don’t want to push this onto her because I don’t want to push her away any further than she is.

I’m in a place now where I wake up a dread leaving my bed and going to work , I’m constantly sad and uninterested in life now, I don’t even feel like I’m myself anymore, I think the world of my ex, we are very similar and I cherish the time we spent together but I fear that I will never be happy again at this point, never be able to have trust or an emotional attachment to anyone else , I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how to overcome what I’m feeling, it’s a lose lose situation for me and the only way I can see myself actually being in peace again is if I end it I just want to be me again. ",6.942568409133799,4.750562871862616,7.45095527458011,80.16575165125495,65.59180977542933,10.500834119645216,33.51760709567843,8.841846274778883,2.482472836384224,2822,90,624,35,35,937,294,757,0.14400000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.149,-0.5594,1,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,13,0,0,10,40,51,4,6,25,0,68,13,5,4,8,129,144,64,1,13,23,2,13,3,3,5,5,1,1,1,45,44,1,2,24,3,1,9,28,26,1,4,29,21,111,25,91,98,13,102,1,11,7,2,62,41,0,18,52,439,156,2,0.05687285538870965,0.0,0.11099940570272147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464554334572148,0.0,0.0,0.07735098383526827,0.059636147710673534,0.0435075787045122,0.0,0.11280518070695618,0.07953364569507786,0.058272961268839775,0.0,0.10125779808299376,0.0,0.0,0.05343391977760938,0.08746343048412404,0.09497291733763187,0.06933832954039712,0.0,0.04839461105206222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059630106823707424,0.06145935222316495,0.0,0.04540834724152281,0.0,0.0,0.03667828675178199,0.0,0.048984507009684264,0.057724751055339286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501994582371746,0.1919229223057176,0.10074493823316193,0.0587648626890788,0.0,0.07512796920713788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361466650596602,0.1279955478145657,0.25880962070370844,0.08125995850685601,0.16382058008363518,0.0,0.0,0.04837602174012479,0.0,0.0,0.08787965398819893,0.0,0.05942743920011904,0.0,0.1292886174114818,0.0,0.0,0.06270252384486957,0.0,0.0563130683724093,0.1005849563894933,0.12108442421546035,0.0,0.0,0.058367957447992974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056487577986824765,0.0,0.0,0.12176713593197387,0.0,0.0,0.05936048499410025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562791698398638,0.0463589678606905,0.06415505808567927,0.060220142064595215,0.0,0.17446904366639435,0.12051293907359613,0.08335561315210388,0.0,0.10043954653448656,0.10066137466923986,0.0,0.12725235533392135,0.12416687992359192,0.09670253571785196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060333112024609226,0.11485074262794913,0.0,0.0453953705725778,0.0,0.0,0.04217050163739424,0.17545540870437426,0.0,0.0,0.10674264421884302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113546971954225,0.07707703738491188,0.04325436931212941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884005822195284,0.0,0.053763231273754215,0.0,0.05446847435310175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717292805371564,0.0,0.12098256464807496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615508350395361,0.061060162615509006,0.0,0.0,0.054099109227500636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719218143483522,0.05177491155081548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704581368541185,0.12785494467228026,0.05691392828470492,0.0,0.09637637162292427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076469930132673,0.0,0.09083747155817154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021162541726916,0.0,0.06453864232127943,0.1072039862825241,0.0,0.0,0.09142449371194347,0.04970938238230495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113519200814082,0.07288365861566964,0.0,0.09030138883808367,0.1658150966827217,0.0,0.0,0.10868890111317206,0.06318783496059166,0.03861293557665873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682208492526074,0.0,0.0,0.0469260619029401,0.20127050179880476,0.09028605078808104,0.0,0.0,0.05113552714980237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140411607541915,0.0,0.0,0.04040084470620207,0.06218153931714272,0.0,0.03662425422052033
suicidewatch,McGainzzz,2018/02/04,Passively suicidal Does anyone know how to help with being passively suicidal? I’ve been dealing with it for years and it’s just gotten worse here recently. I need to beat it. ,2.1372727272727303,5.017451818181818,3.7900606060606097,79.64509090909091,91.42424242424242,8.700606060606061,24.78181818181818,8.841846274778883,3.1403381818181817,142,6,24,5,5,47,26,33,0.3670000000000001,0.569,0.064,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244475225943035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31323502300437284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658833699168692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203650606670276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669768271266056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528583204545755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29999512027507513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6646806364300857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096283652706349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565633001144725
suicidewatch,lostandalone001,2018/02/04,What happens IF I contact a suicide hotline? I understand there is help out there. But if I contact a suicide hotline in my province...will they track me? Is it anonymous? I cannot find that information online. Please help. ,2.205203252032522,5.109686146341467,3.1920731707317067,84.34794715447156,89.97560975609754,4.684552845528454,33.66260162601626,6.42735559955562,2.378265040650406,176,11,29,2,6,56,30,41,0.211,0.619,0.17,-0.5913,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822079675226683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730421446933182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139207906903511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389340735079013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6754832187491415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214379323071749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacc0101010,2018/02/04,Coming close I can't do this anymore. I've been waiting in the lifeline chat line for a long time. I keep looking up painless ways to die. I have been finding places in my house to hang myself. Tonight has pushed me over the fucking edge.,1.8175000000000023,4.146604083333333,2.1665000000000028,96.62850000000002,81.08333333333334,3.84,26.266666666666666,3.1291,0.2349116666666671,188,8,39,0,5,57,41,48,0.085,0.868,0.048,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,9,0,13,0,0,1,1,1,6,1,0,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31107026162362045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019363865112594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255335618772134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866830823117331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28997718099247977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619259770483951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27879884761227397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27758264254810777,0.26339864117209605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277119700601617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289991712431852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24897176941342336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chickenpasta1234,2018/02/04,"I hate that I'm not brave enough to go through with it The world will abuse and torment you to the point that you no longer want to be alive. Then when you no longer want to be alive they force you to live and won't let you die. Suicide seems like my best option, I just need a rope to make the noose. It seems like a natural way to die, although disease would probably be the best way. I'm scared of the afterlife. I don't want to go to hell because people wouldn't let me live. They won't let you live and they won't let you die. I just have to keep suffering. ",1.5796721311475397,2.8836381147540986,2.41881967213115,99.45036065573773,77.68852459016394,6.191475409836067,20.39672131147541,6.742157984588678,-0.11278295081967205,438,10,111,4,10,137,63,122,0.199,0.574,0.227,0.0675,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,7,3,2,3,9,2,1,7,0,15,0,0,1,0,18,28,6,4,6,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,0,0,16,5,13,15,3,8,1,1,0,0,10,2,1,3,4,69,20,0,0.0,0.15308487355961906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876117904035773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271181944665892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402278118409848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350162607652766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685851261953706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756158515242694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484189749443068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284768247246961,0.0,0.12624448680373274,0.0,0.3422668454707799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624425703784433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958026664818751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895733529840883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213895293434447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930309250813888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935511950292694,0.0,0.0,0.2352438026979967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132752324172604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286224968613156,0.20511125255257068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178237157943064,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adpersonam,2018/02/04,"In the end, everyone dies alone. A death wish is a curious thing. It's almost like you can touch it. It has texture, consistency, it has shape and colour and temperature and a thousand things, maybe even taste and sound, because why not, and you can't talk about it. Even if they don't straight up put you in a straight jacket they will act like you punched them in the gut.

So you're alone, you and your wish for death.

There is no one to share it with.",2.392065217391301,4.1871216847826105,2.618913043478262,96.76902173913048,76.71739130434783,6.339130434782609,22.369565217391305,7.1686216300943375,0.34877826086956576,353,10,83,4,8,107,61,92,0.16899999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.139,-0.4621,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,3,0,5,3,0,0,6,0,8,2,1,0,0,12,10,8,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,7,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,9,3,8,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,2,3,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284401023706584,0.4402875764653174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295720916062815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059944524655856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826141979684136,0.0,0.0,0.2807823082218837,0.0,0.0,0.20310625227014006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076881327606768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135409509625539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403336531146246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367736777850724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084436491075586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824253637723216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179862079312165,0.0,0.4888575442104738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JawlessMuffin,2018/02/04,"Tonight is the night Suicide is something that I have thought about for a long part of my life. I had never really considered ending it all until a few months ago and now all I can think about is getting it over with. I have decided to end my life at exactly midnight central standard time. 

In the past week or so my life has really started to fall apart. I’ve had problems with my job, my family has pushed me to my limit, and school has been rough. I feel calm and collected about my decision of ending it tonight. This is something that I have thought about for a really long time and I want to thank the community for getting me here today. I hope you all find peace and that you live your life the way you want it. ",5.010796934865901,5.3144383862068985,5.504367816091953,84.2946360153257,68.58620689655173,9.203065134099617,29.90421455938697,9.150863307647796,2.258570881226054,566,20,119,10,9,182,81,145,0.049,0.856,0.095,0.5574,1,0,2,0,0,2,10.0,0,4,0,1,8,4,0,0,7,0,14,4,0,0,5,26,25,8,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,2,21,3,19,20,5,26,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,19,84,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877464496437555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860029660266971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369492810708303,0.0,0.07345376388679664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277575158315796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179699147118925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428763058457686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415980031368186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104389449486488,0.0,0.0,0.1282776205224323,0.25712186218709193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595452828502943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204253261268986,0.0,0.0,0.1363277004039865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573151532454304,0.1386783272924551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900544945754534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791944170439096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702277101017155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223674587545812,0.0,0.0,0.10282409538200613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890372061168648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374671345620012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308427431994844,0.0,0.23065909175611385,0.16941825631881588,0.0,0.13770063686769632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137008905976858,0.11530995669604965,0.11652823861835347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lacecloakofshade,2018/02/04,"Im not sure what's next The past year and a half has been rough. Really really rough. Im alone most of the time and my friend group is very small.  Last year it got even smaller. I went through a string of ass hole boyfriends mainly just to go through the motions. I never loved any of them...but they distracted me. They distracted me from the noise inside my head saying youre not good enough and nobody wants you around. So I stayed with them. Then at the end of last year I lost a very good friend of mine to suicide. I wasn't naive and i knew it happened (i had even thought about it before) but its like everything got darker at that moment. I could eat right. I havent slept right. I tried several times last year to end it all but for reason I cant. I tried to pick my life back up And move on. I met new people And made new friends. But now...things are crumbling again. I feel like all I do is hurt those I care about, so maybe it would be better if I wasnt alive. And I dont know why. My family is...just nonexisent pretty much and my friends would be better off without me. I'm just not sure where to go from here
",0.5998734177215184,2.66243806751055,1.5502379746835435,100.83305316455696,83.9367088607595,4.97343459915612,16.652995780590718,6.152001189255117,-0.6993532827004212,870,17,211,7,25,270,138,237,0.116,0.7340000000000001,0.15,0.9354,0,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,2,3,3,13,18,0,2,8,0,17,6,3,3,5,37,35,15,1,5,10,0,3,2,4,2,1,1,0,0,9,10,1,0,5,0,0,5,10,4,0,1,13,4,32,14,25,17,6,36,0,2,0,2,13,10,1,2,22,125,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575059202075278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943529875181559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089561777025464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851289181346899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688433190543922,0.0,0.0,0.18060818378535104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410344829147147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152300074827826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966698449155296,0.0,0.0,0.10447950354353877,0.0,0.0,0.18087048249703866,0.10550236324376687,0.0,0.1348795510506832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917659154660243,0.0,0.09625605782206788,0.0,0.05162765140971582,0.07294424990766656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155460849404003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605791329421025,0.17128263968115878,0.16332632675849254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029163108922708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478978707150648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093061399140796,0.0,0.220583105148699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611455890270918,0.2496890374468782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212019389311818,0.09976726198567344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146030696825353,0.0,0.09215427640262217,0.09661477278312824,0.0,0.0,0.10257878346809754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852207726933538,0.07505935296407129,0.0,0.07875012131038578,0.1972284193761623,0.10859044738784816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974713338117218,0.0707871559412487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038780869701626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082290387820172,0.10498154643958964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439522238978308,0.0,0.08119845894480435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153502471897234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883096740598898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116869369429504,0.0,0.1924666098821776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106042872097695,0.11907717476737675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386459788622601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849560100830674,0.06022451915238083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465289970469072,0.0921344084267352,0.0,0.0,0.09842613972968887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506575523202553,0.0,0.0,0.2630105948004535
suicidewatch,small_loan_of_1M,2018/02/04,"Jealousy and frustration is driving me insane I realized at the end of high school that everyone but me was dating and having sex. I suddenly started to panic about it. And six years later, I'm still panicking. Because I'm aging rapidly and I've made zero progress. I spent college trying and failing with girls, and I can't see it objectively as anything more than a putrid waste of precious life. Now even if I do get a girlfriend, I can't have that young love experience. So that insecurity is always going to be there. 

I spend my days in a jealous rage of everybody I meet. I want their social skills. I broke mine being stupid, so I want theirs instead. But I know in the back of my head that I am the one who has screwed up his life, which is why I deserve the misery I'm in. 

If you've ever had sex in your life, before the age of 24, I'm jealous of you too. And if you mention it in my presence, I will look for the nearest excuse to get the fuck out of there, because you make me feel like an inferior being and I want to go back to my world without you and forget you exist. This is not your fault, but neither is it something I can help feeling. 

I scream at myself in my car. I scream ""I wish I was fucking dead"" over and over until I go hoarse. I don't really mean it, but it's a tic.

Being a failure with women isn't emasculating, it's *dehumanizing*. We are meant to connect with romance on a personal level. It's a relatable part of every single movie and song. And they make me want to throw up. They're everywhere, taunting me with what I can't have. 

Every other person I've met who has never had a girlfriend is either disfigured/disabled/ugly or even worse socially than I am. If that's how people see me, as either a sob story or a nerdy basket case, it's too late. I'd rather never meet anyone again than be seen that way. 

They tell me there's more to life than relationships and sex. **I know.** That ""rest"" is all I've lived. You know what? It's not enough. And now I'm being lectured to by people who are better than me, because they can do things I can't. Some of them are even younger than I am. How's that for an insult: I'm a 24-year-old baby who has to have emotional intelligence explained to him by people who are 20. The shame alone makes me consider dropping off the face of the earth. 

This is a total first-world problem. I'm comfortable in every other aspect of my life. I'm being a whiny brat about not getting laid. But hey, what's one less whiny brat? Fuck 'im. If he can't look past his hormones we're better off without him. ",1.4459146430129408,3.498635958412102,3.389598298676748,88.88021539188603,80.72022684310018,5.808361204013377,22.082339683001308,6.928431444225013,0.6280178566235284,1998,63,418,23,52,673,250,529,0.192,0.701,0.107,-0.9953,0,1,1,0,0,0,73.0,1,8,6,5,23,28,10,3,25,0,45,15,2,6,5,68,88,33,1,12,20,0,2,1,2,1,5,3,0,4,32,20,0,0,9,1,2,6,15,21,0,4,9,10,64,7,60,71,13,51,0,4,5,8,45,21,5,8,23,295,96,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461127438939963,0.0,0.0,0.07601069794424639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387419529359764,0.0,0.07517344454066417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048535537298235,0.0,0.16705873207579816,0.0,0.07773230588091666,0.0,0.0,0.1615836857890465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058913332352445835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275669802834188,0.0809091775349695,0.0943891929761235,0.0,0.18100786913047653,0.08263150061737179,0.23089949161661924,0.08728904648185798,0.0,0.08935804035518485,0.0,0.0,0.09237882834067423,0.06526061283693656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770244738943954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533554091460292,0.14318015315756066,0.0,0.155749299411745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375167654743204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061230124461873724,0.09651651908396934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867390946990556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506110697293065,0.0,0.10304702301583003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32261679689223244,0.04462910144726809,0.0,0.08066391468008892,0.0,0.1534223492443133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244713683658672,0.08643778349780039,0.1829309363459227,0.0,0.0,0.0995071658751142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090983687416672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585668533397416,0.0,0.12380254156714647,0.0,0.0,0.10717979642226304,0.0,0.0989233823296203,0.08720411803039221,0.18999221392600088,0.15952697080776235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740981996271166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852128777118165,0.0,0.0,0.0980759455316462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092451295935294,0.1455885906103674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624008319772356,0.0,0.07032585953971733,0.0,0.0,0.06465815333315321,0.0,0.07295240080566749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984411554286315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060689024661803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062020800538639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21552289770169347,0.07250954976256628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242936166878592,0.0,0.10504824057025954,0.17611669750704614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093093674762004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765308863283555
suicidewatch,fuckwitsabound,2018/02/04,"Hi all, hoping you can help me? Hi guys,

Not sure if this is the right place to post but its worth a try. One of my SO's mates is a bad place, and posted essentially a 'last note' on social media. We saw it and tried to contact him, his friends, partner. The authorities have been notified and they are trying to locate him.

If he doesn't go through with it, what can we do? We live hours away and so can't visit everyday, but what will make a difference? What can we possibly do to help this person?

I hope some of you are able to give us a bit of a guide as to where to from here. We don't want to not acknowledge it and everything, but don't want to bring up the past over and over. 

He has been unwell for a long time, and I hope he gets some intensive inpatient care as a result.

Thanks x",1.2157142857142844,2.8369353333333365,2.966095238095239,93.74557142857144,79.59523809523809,6.860952380952381,19.533333333333328,7.793537801064563,0.3884733333333337,608,14,146,10,15,202,105,168,0.05,0.779,0.171,0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,6,2,1,0,4,8,0,0,11,0,18,0,0,2,2,32,31,16,0,7,7,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,9,13,0,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,3,1,16,7,23,27,4,20,0,0,1,0,28,9,0,7,6,99,25,0,0.14681633586229073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793878044086344,0.0,0.1225855079225669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028541366401222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968903920746374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339182271189525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194905590104114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342993689353813,0.0,0.07670547586725003,0.1408396074085884,0.08343910705432747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537125493511055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681579034591065,0.0,0.0,0.437465245858258,0.14458451692561167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967490904308364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964151436636634,0.12992783719746964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800104423561078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948654881692504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015280519523302,0.0,0.12819436150488742,0.3067836454237905,0.0,0.0,0.1655133591249116,0.2812189319447845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538034863556588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496607653944593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837265905024365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516875666519015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856097861069993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990359643193049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660197502369246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319215754335246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Martheron,2018/02/04,"I think I've lost my best friend and now I feel like I have no reason left. A few months ago i reconnected with a girl I used to work with and over time she went from someone I was trying to get in bed with to my closest friend I've ever had. We didn't date but I was honestly fine with it because she actually understood me and shared my issues and actually just enjoyed being around me. We talked every day, hung out at least once every two weeks even if it was just for lunch, even painted miniatures together (I play Malifaux and let her try to paint a mini and she loved it). We had deep conversations and she seem like she cared so much, she constantly told me she loved me and I told her the same. I genuinely believed that she cared that sometimes when texting I'd well up and cry a little bit.  



About a month about (Jan 16th) she dropped off the face of the earth. I have a very compulsive personality and I started to freak out trying to figure out if I'd done something wrong but the last thing we talked about was her mother coming into town and her asking if I wanted to meet her to run interference and try to make things less awkward to which I agreed. Since then, its been radio silence. a few days ago, around the 31st, a mutual friend said she finally got a hold of her, apparently she's been in a dark place too but she said she would text me to try and let me know she's okay. Still nothing. I go by her house tonight and knock on her door, get nothing, leave, decide i've had enough and go back. Knock on the door again and someone from her roommate's band answered. I said I was there to see her, he yell'ed her name and I heard her say ""what"" in a very aggravated tone as he closed the door. he comes back about a minute later saying she was asleep (at 7pm). I tell him to tell her I stopped by and leave. I've tried calling her but I get one ring and then google voice mail so I assume I'm blocked and i've sent texts this whole time with no response. 


She's been the first person who's ever seemed to understand me, take a interest in my interests, just let me talk to them, and just in general be there for me. Hell, at one point i was depressed as hell and didn't tell her and she got pissed I wouldn't call and let her know I was upset. But now it seems like I've lost that. She was the ONE thing I had left, the one honest to god friend I made and now she's gone. My family doesn't understand me so I put on a brave face and act like everything is okay. I'm scared of what death brings but I don't want to live without that level of friendship.",1.7933589385474882,3.5629037653631315,2.924335428305401,94.02270425977656,78.38547486033521,6.262709497206704,20.498486964618248,7.1686216300943375,0.24860400372439484,2010,50,463,24,48,644,254,537,0.117,0.7190000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9734,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,4,0,1,5,29,36,3,3,24,2,32,7,4,4,2,89,78,43,1,7,14,1,1,4,4,2,0,8,4,3,17,44,1,4,15,3,0,11,8,11,1,6,34,10,85,25,59,36,10,72,2,3,1,2,79,30,3,7,34,294,102,1,0.0,0.0,0.13341998739022926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211949296094487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171068897051016,0.06390784604031996,0.0,0.0,0.10513002045750514,0.0,0.041671930558419765,0.0,0.0,0.07701888192936107,0.07174013457203163,0.0,0.0746319684109114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960744158795665,0.0,0.13939618571916745,0.0,0.0,0.11777304742824835,0.0,0.07387342253513776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509080696027813,0.08817374336262744,0.0,0.05887880449605355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995653290614885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063467763028948,0.0,0.09030294027983346,0.1236719845605958,0.11519335099773725,0.0,0.061438015766665514,0.0,0.06444420205559666,0.0,0.034565126334738135,0.04883675984874873,0.0,0.07488559396625492,0.0,0.058147412318971164,0.0,0.0,0.21126063248239066,0.0,0.1071466302704596,0.0,0.07770170297550136,0.0,0.10934828457320858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887884680266903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135060867444416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751382937138695,0.05572293714763303,0.0,0.1447678128370216,0.14854778171744448,0.2796129998305023,0.0,0.13358996276002408,0.06851518694795843,0.06036358008979405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924713739511097,0.0,0.1233960530516624,0.06468436459657327,0.04563116924014028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912940895537816,0.0,0.05025283829429783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118750028925033,0.0,0.0,0.07280170889281871,0.18529139486589227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193795158222537,0.07142218000649309,0.0,0.06462277516884395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687211908180712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028598660635005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950794896223161,0.10872603788771336,0.06844079307827458,0.0,0.05447447340191165,0.1866985143526044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056548517795504086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584327145934745,0.052627258068807775,0.0676102893812343,0.0,0.04838591869317487,0.0,0.05459278918262897,0.05715244481985581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139859368222376,0.16483675819229893,0.1792502886471022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624704982171562,0.043802652599328286,0.0,0.0,0.0797231227265065,0.0,0.0,0.13064278789757292,0.0,0.2784737816453677,0.0,0.06677828215362029,0.1423313972671024,0.0,0.059041529322863086,0.0,0.11280915510721301,0.08064159635815434,0.0,0.054834675260690115,0.0,0.061464305545845664,0.06337087484917499,0.0,0.07632206475366507,0.0,0.06589708928260565,0.0,0.04976726325437047,0.0,0.0,0.0485613428029726,0.07474148297529865,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YellowDdit12345,2018/02/04,What can I do for my close friend who has addmitted that he is suicidal? Last night at a concert my friend 31M Had a bit of a random breakdown where he told me that he has been thinking about commiting suicide for a couple of years and sometimes gets close. He has a family with 2 young kids too. Part of his problem is he feels that he's not handling being a father and husband. But is hanging in the to try and be a good person. He's not honest about these feelings with his wife yet. I did suggest we need to get him to see a doc for some treatment but I don't know if he actually will. He seems to be very ashamed of these thoughts and doesn't want to tell people. We were drunk and its not an easy subject to bring back up. But hes got a heart of gold and has been my best mate for years. i'm worried about him so any advice on what to say or do would be great. thanks,1.9229432624113445,3.168606542553192,3.169276595744684,94.6636666666667,76.65957446808511,6.077163120567375,23.171631205673762,6.42735559955562,0.3146158865248223,682,20,161,5,15,221,119,188,0.122,0.77,0.108,0.0817,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,2,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,11,0,24,2,1,0,1,33,40,12,2,5,8,3,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,9,12,1,0,6,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,8,5,14,7,25,26,4,16,0,0,1,0,29,7,0,5,7,104,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.15899545145963973,0.0,0.0,0.15921258372281566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079748146286013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252825411811296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709842026996144,0.0,0.17787654972726258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027812328913828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153595202641073,0.0,0.16476385506699998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25175747872725845,0.0,0.1702476236678005,0.0,0.0,0.13665733017737405,0.13030941024753598,0.17963008041815906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307195335760835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954165837238402,0.132809089878446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208099791826648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289807004033842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643650738660172,0.0,0.11295463171034476,0.14226354225081012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590129433832206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956788422422574,0.0,0.0,0.12983352286236785,0.1483246758699176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114120071148305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35643632411840404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240735152802095,0.15000336909587575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439848873303056,0.0,0.1293476302404344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568588671026762,0.0,0.1106182701668702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443369989679202,0.09609989680099278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546256869121126,0.0,0.1157402691076913,0.0,0.0,0.20984219860634715
suicidewatch,watermars,2018/02/04,"I want to commit suicide because it is the most rational decision I could make. In 2014 I turned 18, and in the same year, I went to my doctor for depression after spending many years hiding it. I wanted to commit suicide, but rather than rush into things I made a conscious decision to wait until I turned 22. I figured that 4 years would give me enough time to observe my situation in life, and see if things improve. See if the things my therapist and the internet said were true, that life does get better.

Here I am, 3 3/4 years later, and a few months from my 22nd. And I still want to die as much as I did then. Every angle I look at my life from, I would be better off that way. Not because I deserve to die or anything, just because I would be happier not existing. In any other major decision in life, 4 years seems to be *plenty* of time to come to a reasonable decision, so why not for suicide? 

If this is something I want, and it isn't fueled by emotion or temporary illness, then why can't I? Should I accept the world telling me who to marry? And being told that if I pick the wrong option, I am ill and need to seek professional help? So why is this the case for wanting to be dead rather than alive?
",4.3741683673469405,4.922391363265309,5.456977040816327,83.21199617346939,70.06122448979592,8.410714285714286,28.373724489795922,8.472884824447931,1.909045918367348,944,32,193,14,16,313,134,245,0.172,0.7040000000000001,0.124,-0.9609,0,0,1,0,0,7,31.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,10,0,19,7,0,4,3,53,40,22,6,17,13,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,14,10,0,1,9,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,6,4,27,4,34,24,6,27,0,1,3,0,6,9,0,9,14,136,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847506693243956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286221200772066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841455604381367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811052440996206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673857731316514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039560617035163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672720707170435,0.0,0.20900801488798512,0.0,0.0,0.1030641151812853,0.0881176041713383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326669077445163,0.0,0.10404335423787008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483865875651317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052608223904661335,0.09659442846060333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749276403949225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844913289226774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455722168569749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952786716830272,0.06721372652664656,0.102087455227577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803726309415824,0.0,0.07402134520211875,0.07466299144545605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352973989233316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957826246458011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047944503242434,0.091667626139404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318376910011516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751881423569733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041399910524871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33042720144331683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801060095234553,0.0,0.0,0.11691297251063115,0.20068896106049086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743043752812715,0.0,0.0,0.09621700215717686,0.0,0.0,0.2190513350495968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969583233647017,0.07992585309510489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334392966025384,0.2725808009994247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458942665364647,0.11009258979229897,0.0,0.3242167241778966
suicidewatch,sr_92,2018/02/04,"Really can't say that I see the point in life anymore I'm not really the type of person that posts stuff, but lately I've been feeling really empty inside and don't see any reason to continue living. A few years ago, if you told me that you were considering killing yourself, I would've called you stupid or something, but I guess as time went on and reality hit, my opinions have changed. I want to believe that this is just a weak moment for me but I just don't see much light at the end of the tunnel here. How do you all cope with these urges to end it all when they hit? I'm really afraid that one day I'd finally succumb to them. ",5.812180451127819,4.79088315037594,6.547819548872184,81.959022556391,67.12030075187971,10.006015037593986,28.774436090225574,9.23628265651192,2.028942857142856,501,13,110,8,7,166,91,133,0.13,0.846,0.024,-0.9516,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,4,2,0,5,4,2,1,6,0,8,2,0,2,2,19,20,10,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,6,14,0,12,14,4,17,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,4,11,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288566279856932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961507530329186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985767426214098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816065082581398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459353445882555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051818810699845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395454498302492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855338986863251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150276586604485,0.0,0.0,0.17657632645877075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756952123690786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833341865447505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182991797817016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385362526830704,0.0,0.0,0.14233417483419716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849357279762412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092268622606648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074533726619826,0.0,0.0,0.1523771347801222,0.0,0.15437595287956465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41305107683804493,0.16573069210177124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281851644875835,0.0,0.0,0.3853439048672056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124092330837027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452457121780172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399148353695208,0.0,0.0,0.15402444144117303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507434000664038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942521909338385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450511461413995,0.0,0.0,0.1038014045912831
suicidewatch,maxcorrice,2018/02/04,"Why should I live My life is downhill, first I’m born into a cult (Jehovah’s witnesses), then my parents separate because my fathers abusive, my mom has more and more health issues and we move a lot, eventually we move in with a family (which although very helpful to her) abuse me for two years when my depression started, then we finally move out for about 6 months before having to leave because the apartment we move into is awful, I have to move in with my dad and step mom who is verbally and emotionally abusive and my autism gets worse so school was a nightmare, then my mom committed suicide when I was 11, and nothing really has gotten better from there, I weigh 300 pounds, I eat once a day, I can’t leave my room for fear of a shouting match with my step mom, I tried starting a sci-fi group at my school to no avail, I have no hope of anything getting better, and quite frankly I don’t know why I haven’t gotten the balls to do it so far, so why shouldn’t I try to muster them now?

Edit:Oh okay, thanks for the help ",9.82125,5.845646317307692,9.356730769230767,74.28826923076926,61.78846153846154,12.515384615384615,39.46153846153846,9.827888789773867,3.600325,806,28,168,11,8,261,123,208,0.168,0.732,0.1,-0.943,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,4,0,1,4,8,7,0,1,10,2,16,4,0,0,1,23,26,16,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,3,17,2,0,1,1,0,7,6,2,0,2,4,1,29,5,23,20,3,30,0,1,0,0,17,9,0,2,14,106,32,2,0.0,0.33125537424186624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668989296378988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361916751182055,0.0,0.07930037334675265,0.0,0.0,0.164843258727534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060101771042369384,0.0,0.08026698860944882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953596978463652,0.0,0.10482957407709594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785406015993934,0.1048680267054721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102088368969925,0.0,0.07926991253004494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737898524571499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905979402296357,0.0,0.0,0.12493059802788548,0.0,0.0,0.09256167012046124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726927275048047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051216431934082735,0.0,0.0,0.1973558478889103,0.0,0.0,0.06582496724252794,0.0,0.0,0.08229112049681321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922935032739112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436586029877156,0.07438575817350658,0.4952470172176511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942119054170937,0.0,0.0,0.09924749642020947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034797904603962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912221977276496,0.0,0.0,0.05970181787861725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886325691995148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192496070001222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193800888255118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579958739686969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654385026254547,0.0,0.09103601302472893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689397946793508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522765437480989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949716219168594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060013232260699885
suicidewatch,obliviously_willful,2018/02/04,Notes Would you write notes to all your closest friends? Or just one note with permission to share with those close to you. It's so hard either way. ,1.3598275862068974,4.0431028275862095,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,89.6896551724138,4.279310344827587,17.594827586206893,5.985473137389443,-0.585558620689655,118,3,26,1,4,33,24,29,0.058,0.777,0.165,0.5321,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465643070796837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177778790809725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916703381213833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587925177146781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105973203782021,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gduipfhgsodhjdfh,2018/02/04,"I dont want to live anymore just imagine that you spend on something six years of your life and you still suck at it... I'm so fucking bad, why me? I think life giving me a sign that it's time to finally give up.",0.77968085106383,2.072953297872342,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,79.85106382978724,5.5510638297872354,22.388297872340427,5.985473137389443,0.028536170212766,163,5,41,1,4,54,39,47,0.172,0.777,0.05,-0.6997,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,7,0,6,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,4,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502001010213216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470640077950168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013735222085925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28169117788783976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23772759003098085,0.0,0.4933562817718569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632600411598052,0.0,0.0,0.2270648742491561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979637675183572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053573494518461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476895156733048,0.0,0.0,0.14994406237764615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167153695222446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203451897904395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559377189533991
suicidewatch,nobodyimportant_X,2018/02/04,"I'm sitting at home attempting to cut my wrists open I have come to the realization that my acquaintance friends are sick of me and don't have time for me, that I'm a burden on my family, a failure in my religion, and I think it's best that I just disappear quietly. I can no longer afford to seek psychological help for my issues, the psych ward just dopes me up with drugs and is attempting to keep me as a permanent resident due to my mental illness. It's just better that I go. ",9.071363636363635,5.632267828282827,9.795833333333334,68.91375000000002,62.63636363636364,14.344444444444447,38.891414141414145,12.602617957971056,4.604917171717171,381,14,80,11,4,132,65,99,0.173,0.706,0.121,-0.5423,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,5,0,6,4,1,0,0,11,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,15,3,14,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31815658712570505,0.2681278597105683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115277765155825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351579155545206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28580023592597703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234227194531982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229761820225606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320742334356173,0.0,0.30410267692595394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164290990060797,0.0,0.2694700505292428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055224943637805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425810309935304,0.0,0.0,0.17677996279893748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Andawaywethrow666,2018/02/04,"I'm only happy when I think about dying. I'm only happy when I think about me dying. My life is a nightmare of terrible depression. No one cares when something is wrong or when I'm scared of myself. I'm always the bad guy no matter what. I've tried counceling but I can't trust anyone enough to talk to them because everytime I trust someone they do and mess everything up. 
TL;DR my life is horrible and I want to die. No one cares anyway.",1.7819999999999998,3.975891866666668,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.33333333333334,6.222222222222222,21.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.8424444444444439,348,10,68,5,9,117,57,90,0.339,0.54,0.121,-0.9747,0,2,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,7,12,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,14,8,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,11,6,8,14,1,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682256845368887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497633483635293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729583057290454,0.10023766576468483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33530359850742897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162708198569826,0.0,0.5119707458537496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990466035105878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778300902164845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281587869545552,0.0,0.35008688914974145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322897169526047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222849969496876,0.25011949625613306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646274902390842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932470814318398,0.12658961160960933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216611799198585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107258095327644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164014351604636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969876518097393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978317032209434,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shill_account192,2018/02/04,"Who should I notify beforehand? I'm going to hang myself at a nearby nature trail this coming Monday. However, I don't want to permanently scar the people/person that finds my body. Should I call 911 or the non-emergency line and tell them what I'm about to do, right before I do it? ",4.204473684210527,5.229678526315791,5.907850877192985,78.0870394736842,70.75438596491226,9.208771929824564,21.267543859649123,9.516144504307137,1.6483017543859644,224,4,43,5,4,77,45,57,0.033,0.967,0.0,-0.1486,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,7,10,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106209084603684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054755223402841,0.0,0.0,0.3727451598306167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144483767344409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33363860940689444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074598127813043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187375701432972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117409158927488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190597708902843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153091868285434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DigginDrilbur,2018/02/04,"Someday, I'll end it all. I'm tired of living with bipolar. It ruined my chances of doing a plasma donation (which would give me extra money) thanks to my stupid bipolar medication. Someday I'll kill myself. It's not going to be today though.

Oh yeah, and I can't even tell my parents that I feel suicidal because else they'll call the police on me. I don't have many friends to talk to, I'm looking for a new counselor, and my support system is very limited.

Yes, I called the hotline. They said that if I can't keep myself safe they'll call someone to check on me. Which would greatly piss off my parents. 

I'm out of options. Someday I'll end it all. Just not right now.

Also, please don't send me religious stuff. I'm already fuzzy on religion.",1.229864551083594,3.597148480263158,2.957585139318887,89.7833900928793,83.93421052631578,5.155417956656347,24.73065015479876,6.522977012572876,0.9146357585139322,587,24,117,6,17,194,94,152,0.18,0.727,0.093,-0.942,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,3,1,5,9,3,0,4,2,12,5,1,0,2,17,24,5,2,3,4,2,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,1,0,3,2,6,4,0,0,1,3,19,5,15,18,3,14,0,1,1,0,14,6,1,2,5,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625365903817921,0.11778660956581373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978574012033294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451194267987239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230406936326022,0.0,0.26090789618378984,0.0,0.0,0.09728270588160788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447352231417621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379477739296025,0.0,0.0,0.1412926094476673,0.08370748387197137,0.0,0.0,0.16238615923230376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309168411264814,0.16295297088881333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005849841962966,0.0,0.12368529624345645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493274836949759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837773035531587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225221068874866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270930346507612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616786108054597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578362690818676,0.1401051509039299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479712034647543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861016464998202,0.1611097805827653,0.1671413143520137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183849666910588,0.12873669491906614,0.13560351875744348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471026403089768,0.0,0.0,0.16928653463449803,0.13961233447815202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152848869638072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925913661185747,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gross9876,2018/02/04,"Is anyone else untreatable? **tl; dr** I have done **every** sort of treatment but I still hate living. Is there a word for people like me? 

______________________________

So. As you might guess, I experience suicidal ideation.

But I've given up on treatment.

* I wrote my first suicide note when I was 10 years old (attempted a few weeks later - I jumped off a *one story building* haha) so I started going to therapy when I was 11. 
* I started antidepressants at 14. 
* I was admitted to a psychiatric ward for a suicide attempt at 17 and held there for a month. *I finally decided to lie* and tell them I was no longer suicidal but if I were honest I would still be there.
* I've lost many friends due to trying to confide in them. My second day in the psychiatric ward, my best friend cut me off because I'm a huge emotional drain. 
* Therapy (CBT, DBT, psychotherapy) doesn't work on me. If I were honest about my hallucinations, my multiple personalities, my eating disorder/s...I would be hospitalized for life. 
* I work out many hours a day and am known for living off nothing but salads and roasted broccoli. I usually shower multiple times a day because of my workouts. 

I am suicidal as ever. YES I've always gone to therapy, sometimes even going as often as 3 times a week.

My school's psychological services center has banned me because they said my mental problems are too intense for them and that I could only be treated within inpatient (haha. that worked out didn't it!).


Is there some sort of, like, community for untreatables? When I text 741-741 or call a suicide hotline, they tell me some basic shit like ""do you go to therapy? Can you try medication?"" etc.

My newest coping mechanism is that I exercise many hours a day. But I found that as soon as I get off the treadmill and return to my room, I'm just as bad as before I began my work out.

My other coping mechanism is putting on makeup, but today I literally started crying again as soon as I put the brush down.

I feel very much like I have done everything that I can and living just isn't *for* me. 

I am not built to live. 

**I. Am. Fucking. Incurable.**",-0.0511490739075704,1.7560484328358257,2.50190073727747,85.75181172450998,110.69154228855724,5.519438949829167,21.012527722831624,6.891432204159787,1.308220008391776,1618,65,302,36,83,552,211,402,0.166,0.7240000000000001,0.11,-0.9871,1,0,0,0,0,3,85.0,0,3,5,9,21,19,4,0,15,3,34,8,1,0,1,43,56,31,6,6,12,0,1,4,2,3,4,1,2,1,7,10,2,2,5,2,0,7,5,7,0,3,17,3,58,12,48,32,6,61,0,1,0,1,17,20,2,10,38,209,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133011368979002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153763569009199,0.07552151349808346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154225135029881,0.13479327658056875,0.0,0.06271921303160477,0.0,0.07735093040416909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526306970703751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058849027652900066,0.0,0.08096365887556882,0.19013962343406612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508556665086067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754206437049588,0.06157272571070005,0.08291043422714242,0.0,0.0,0.08220276865506099,0.04868276656119064,0.06667218515660231,0.06210131141517777,0.0,0.06624308290035323,0.07209957180106599,0.0,0.0,0.0372684648206944,0.0,0.0,0.08074239617354835,0.0,0.06269512136126858,0.0,0.08081590151702266,0.113891663137867,0.0681409172966966,0.03850885602846661,0.0,0.12566812959715118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119655063390048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277038526681745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451730605483664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520614212650687,0.14403803357478887,0.0,0.2603384624423304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045987790892267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418193338720369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742520301456046,0.07427930193726792,0.07819146024048672,0.0,0.0,0.05883220994435132,0.0,0.05418311271233115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072383725864083,0.0,0.07734307891464462,0.0,0.04994575865470517,0.05605748128684568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510991408463908,0.06435809380019293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052762756960017,0.0,0.14819175012622826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011221875116366,0.0,0.0,0.07459540096104586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565915797641437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728980900263383,0.0,0.15651054399485342,0.0,0.11772498230805653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837408520511709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884630232697905,0.0,0.337161430850532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595826805188554,0.0,0.06986560074443529,0.0,0.0,0.1000844052492862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117782759125418,0.06081597949115777,0.0,0.0,0.11824659028388372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146382433966352,0.0,0.0,0.10471865072163207,0.0,0.0,0.04746487992452999
suicidewatch,Johnhon050,2018/02/04,Tonight might be the night Tonight,4.335000000000001,7.687262500000003,-1.4499999999999975,116.145,90.66666666666666,2.4000000000000004,39.333333333333336,3.1291,1.1815333333333338,29,2,6,0,1,6,5,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7489982689717037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6625719531321798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lostgirllostworld,2018/02/04,"Hanging on by a thread... So this will be a bit of a long one. I figure why not tell my life story that I’ve hid to myself for so long. I’m 27 years old, first depression hit me at age 14. I started self harming, still do to this day. At age 15 I was raped then proceeded to drink a lot - just to be drunk enough to sleep around, so I had the control not like my first experience. I never told a soul about the sexual assault I kept it inside, ashamed. The drinking and sleeping around over being depressed and not caring for myself got very bad and I ended up pregnant by someone who wanted nothing to do with me. I lost my baby mid term. I became more depressed. I’ve been hospitalized more times than I can count. I’ve been diagnosed with border line personality disorder, anxiety, depression and ptsd. I also can’t help the self harm it’s like an addiction that makes me feel numb. Everyday suicide is on my mind. Even on a “good” day whatever that is. Even at work. At home. Anywhere suicide is on my my mind. After my engagement ended 2 months before my wedding due to a really drug addicted abusive partner everything just got worse. I wake up every day thinking why? Why am I still trying? I’m SO tired of trying. Waking up exhausted, miserable, no desire for anything. No desire to keep in contact with anyone who once was a friend. My pets are what are holding me by a thread I love them so much. My siblings all live successful lives they’re too busy to contact me. I moved to a city where I know no one to get away from the abusive ex fiancé. Getting to work each day is impossible they will just replace me the second I’m gone I’m not of any importance to anyone. I’m just living on auto pilot. Every day. Hoping one day I won’t wake up. I did have an overdose last year where I was in a coma but I woke up. I kept telling myself I must’ve woke up for some reason....but that feeling of being in a coma...no feeling....like those days didn’t exist to me...I liked that. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore. I want the constant anxiety and depression to give me a break for once. But it won’t, it never does. I feel worthless, alone with no purpose....each night I’m fighting with the demons in my head to overdose or not to overdose...",1.5449857603949118,3.6942273755458537,3.4681526485665484,87.93131384089618,80.92139737991265,6.078678564647808,23.275299031706854,7.255503002510835,0.9894029238655784,1750,61,356,24,46,589,231,458,0.181,0.753,0.065,-0.9919,0,1,3,0,3,2,70.0,0,0,2,7,20,28,3,2,24,0,30,20,6,2,3,50,63,15,2,6,12,1,3,3,2,4,9,0,2,4,15,13,3,5,6,3,0,3,16,18,0,6,17,3,48,10,63,36,10,64,2,8,0,2,20,26,0,4,37,231,63,3,0.0,0.17383292903199507,0.0,0.15994067936061954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597609139812386,0.0,0.05866384645953737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049885513673424295,0.0,0.11223634424527804,0.0,0.0727507797001564,0.15387949473023002,0.0,0.06036684877138921,0.13060718869633506,0.0,0.0,0.06892164529845879,0.0,0.061250323286660475,0.0,0.0,0.06242170200444036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008722704202732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479270755004891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927323490074549,0.08227650596244522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311659552823103,0.0,0.31591289122083305,0.07445616630290801,0.0,0.0,0.08407387872326305,0.0,0.06419551151510029,0.0,0.0,0.14372455154150635,0.08507123682612222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994567734165535,0.07579775242254419,0.0,0.09690367592791917,0.0,0.12361346285674188,0.0,0.065928856259367,0.07175756467712713,0.0,0.0,0.11127504122356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479544922775945,0.0,0.0,0.056675706801356016,0.0,0.07665237554334585,0.07037105471546792,0.0,0.06152866494011616,0.117341148568586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528580491135528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916988553908578,0.0,0.0735834034532208,0.07286040084613732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520338343315904,0.0,0.0,0.04031528121488893,0.059796031296136185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051814465887800115,0.10751608766894548,0.0,0.19432765261276996,0.12983789302905988,0.0,0.0,0.08007821334769574,0.06236579586474724,0.06620787262656264,0.0,0.04896660089423548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481400237641753,0.0,0.05855313706755876,0.07796725392999454,0.0539260930091361,0.0,0.11315542163805695,0.0,0.0,0.06884090380875878,0.0,0.07038835598502817,0.0,0.076976199010709,0.1562463676971521,0.14912651701602192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405280867834055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575081678216405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699459696673703,0.07542357366515168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305542982496895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682065602172262,0.0,0.06215544477920777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192271004674212,0.0,0.11716654927427896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048206949969362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282351148790065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700442797449477,0.0,0.0,0.04277526083154775,0.08431348276406889,0.0,0.0700960917856928,0.0,0.09960965097910986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060527496526339535,0.1298041973315312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985807956753946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681004926919196,0.0,0.07475740695759711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447945683988586
suicidewatch,bobbypenut,2018/02/04,Things seem so bad and weird right now I always struggled with trying to be happy for some time and trying to be satisfied with life but lately things just seem so bad. Things just don't seem fun anymore and it's terrifying to me because i used to enjoy going out and being with people and now i just feel like i want to go home and i feel out of place. Iv'e also had some nightmares since September but it was about once a week then and now it's almost every single day and it's always about something i hate about myself and i just wake up so scared and alone. I haven't been able to sleep for more than 3 hours in the last couple of weeks out of fear and it's starting to really affect me. I have an appointment with a therapist on the 26th of February but i'm scared i might cancel it or do something stupid before that and i want to go but it looks so far away from now and i'm just scared. I want to tell my family and my friends but my mom already told me i shouldn't be having these bad feelings since im only 18 and now im scared to tell the rest of my family and my friends always see me as the helping guy and i don't know how they'll react to what i'm feeling. I don't really know what my point is I just feel so lost and i don't know what to do.,1.3065484848484843,2.8486408109090924,3.0387500000000043,93.68479166666668,79.07272727272728,6.037878787878789,18.36742424242424,6.816661863887847,-0.10622121212121227,993,19,231,10,24,330,132,275,0.228,0.679,0.093,-0.9942,0,1,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,21,19,2,6,7,0,20,3,2,4,0,60,47,33,0,4,12,1,5,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,15,25,0,0,11,0,0,3,6,13,0,0,5,7,29,6,36,35,5,28,0,1,2,0,9,11,0,8,15,154,44,0,0.0928304950701358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929563314755103,0.09614439668016504,0.10244075968638663,0.07423651336885348,0.23172722518279365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206290681144276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721730591142629,0.0,0.2325287575535817,0.05658860817325075,0.0,0.07899191401565266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271517713087004,0.0,0.059867989644990724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782136958430117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750246580992695,0.10446011536778012,0.23468943775874596,0.06631812422651498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344122043037494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827312888386968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191678490907867,0.0,0.09881978817820128,0.0,0.09165089512500348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222232406265784,0.0,0.09311655549126847,0.0,0.0914193383648414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054572893735848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305163709010186,0.07566924340329051,0.10471684185087032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556892399193029,0.04535229084184306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795423590130167,0.0,0.10133545129606213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847848538792188,0.0,0.10872195387306996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886144759008274,0.0,0.0706017746031542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435697683224817,0.0,0.0969881093845844,0.0,0.08775482330896986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893918440521455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927673557268823,0.0,0.0,0.3717580799040263,0.0,0.07397388576618526,0.2535281887268579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358068961176655,0.0,0.0928975361434764,0.0,0.0,0.14293090078528126,0.0,0.0,0.06570590220657807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704658910868257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227588872199056,0.0,0.0,0.1077833596862101,0.1850173681373789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541302081984624,0.0,0.0,0.08870351620298443,0.0,0.12605162519777655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017574237692555,0.0,0.0,0.164261493442677,0.0,0.14892604739223814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SunshineCamo,2018/02/04,"My my whole family started doubting my career goals I'm 31 and a paramedic. My goal for years has to become an RN but life kept getting in the way so I've taken a really round about way to get there. I've been working on getting into a paramedic to RN program but I've hit a lot of road blocks. In the last few days it feels like everyone has started giving me negative messages. My wife, my sister, my in-laws, even my friends. Everyone started saying shit like 'its like it's a sign you shouldn't do this' 'what if you don't like it after all this work?' 'what makes you think you'll be a good nurse? I've been trying to hide it but it's fucking with me bad. This is all I've wanted for years and this has me feeling like I've wasted my life working so hard to make it happen.",0.432195448460508,2.5267765301204856,2.365702811244983,94.52745649263723,84.90361445783131,4.893708165997324,20.065595716198125,6.139981653823899,-0.0031649263721558185,608,18,135,5,18,202,95,166,0.14800000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.157,0.1692,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,5,5,11,2,1,9,0,11,4,1,2,2,22,30,8,0,3,4,2,4,5,1,2,2,1,0,0,13,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,5,16,7,15,22,5,15,0,0,1,1,10,5,2,3,13,79,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225646077215245,0.0,0.16171186877821822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443023655928487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671051366792678,0.0,0.0,0.27982546493905996,0.0,0.0,0.13803386388977298,0.0,0.14807097587168286,0.20920816603374426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312546536065445,0.13536500858644038,0.22949874321108185,0.1404615621382408,0.0,0.12281203441831427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948071007847362,0.0,0.13116557368306628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935367459649958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684472754844935,0.35767257077581405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448295888950975,0.0,0.0,0.1954759746607092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380184123564084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164408483335668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030033312475946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109152616699345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382146405801617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994110947828053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863636353659281,0.2324463296669081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347521052251016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197914206289883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858225375988136
suicidewatch,WoodenFeed,2018/02/04,"Need help I've been working on losing weight for quite a while. I've steadily lost body fat, but there's so much more to go. But I have stretch marks everywhere. My skin is rough and spotty. I'm gay and can't find myself attracted to larger body types. And most people I am attracted to find me disgusting and not worth their time. I'm 20 and I feel like I can't participate in any joys of life and all the effort I'm putting into my body is completely useless. I don't want to go on, I am skilled at some things but I just can't have anything that I want. Why should I live?",1.0032926829268298,2.919889430894308,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,81.52032520325203,6.051219512195122,20.819105691056908,7.1686216300943375,0.3354666666666666,452,13,106,6,12,147,81,123,0.191,0.7340000000000001,0.076,-0.905,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,6,3,8,1,0,2,0,12,8,5,0,1,22,22,11,0,4,5,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,3,0,1,3,5,4,0,0,2,4,14,4,11,19,5,11,0,3,0,1,2,6,0,2,3,60,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046797762955867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577923833693734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5903206673477486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857382548665463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957229056250979,0.12655589338631512,0.0,0.0,0.32382352029750844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135669254385688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873981512845765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512618309038984,0.08654647204739048,0.0,0.15642656945137198,0.0,0.0,0.19818537703829225,0.19337999559027186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130225528172419,0.1313543744627733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281340574152065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780845356139094,0.0,0.18842067894869696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769049356017552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329750633997453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089751511527913,0.0,0.0,0.21572080163115115,0.0,0.0,0.1598501922334472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896720589275865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kimorapassion,2018/02/04,"can someone talk to me?? extremely lonely suicidal 18 yr old girl I feel embarrassed to admit how lonely I actually am. I literally have no one. I lost all my friends over the past couple years bc my depression made it hard to maintain friendships. I’m in a toxic “relationship” w a boy that I’m still very much in love with. Some times he gives me his time & attention, other times (like tonight) he’s ignoring me, making me feel like shit. He was the only one I really had. I don’t really want to talk about him tho. Weekends are when the suicidal thoughts are the worst for me bc everybody is out having a good time & im cooped up in the house having to get High by myself just to keep from killing my self. I’ve had several attempts but I thought I was doing better these past couple weeks.. but here I am again.

If anybody out there wants to talk to me to keep myself from negative thoughts that would be great. Either on here or Snapchat, whatever works. It would be best w someone closest to my age but I’m open to anything to keep my mind off of shit 
",1.7894307561597282,4.0724463457943925,3.3120475785896346,88.6421920135939,80.86915887850466,6.881563296516568,23.74596431605777,8.00094639256281,1.3728485981308416,834,30,173,16,22,274,134,214,0.162,0.718,0.121,-0.7617,0,4,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,5,10,18,3,1,8,0,19,3,2,3,1,32,39,8,3,5,7,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,4,7,1,0,0,3,10,0,2,9,3,24,8,28,26,6,27,0,4,0,1,16,12,2,3,17,109,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.1057597743697798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348516602937097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918457788890519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373439008661368,0.09585015625454192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398329445003837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933444711016518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959677133030672,0.07742415216167281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373137061992725,0.0,0.05662221812259938,0.10396455899434934,0.0,0.09090101806594368,0.0,0.1194854104356084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708400515850624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450566175870774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505186372112684,0.0,0.0,0.11706515536827923,0.0,0.0,0.2889898850163668,0.11990247629724285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589451097941044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830568931232265,0.0,0.09781397063616354,0.10254841030643284,0.07234211691163582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942931225293706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796691551753989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137228455018534,0.0,0.14687736445636665,0.08242516813485562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691515479266828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388574483789877,0.0,0.0,0.11635574047113954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306026552949948,0.12243453187343101,0.2224937215868432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183654016035306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654956695932985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370924757273652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613266377139557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581163686868099,0.25278070059919844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942191514446253,0.12784646742189448,0.0,0.08693304499046045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889934088195105,0.0,0.0,0.15397503053015654,0.0,0.0,0.06979087569526904
suicidewatch,RamtroStudios,2018/02/04,"I almost walked out into traffic tonight i don’t feel i can keep going on much longer. i feel i’m so toxic with my depression that no one wants to be around me anymore. even my boyfriend left me and now barely acknowledges my existence. that combined with the stress of school and figuring out my identity is literally killing me. i thought i was better but i relapsed hard. i hate myself so much i don’t trust myself when i’m alone anymore. sorry about the wall of text, i just want it all to be over. ",1.7211071107110705,4.146924891089114,2.9453645364536456,90.29961296129616,82.26732673267327,6.0489648964896485,24.033303330333037,7.348242739294969,1.113467326732673,398,15,81,6,11,128,69,101,0.185,0.735,0.08,-0.8362,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,20,17,6,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,2,3,19,2,13,13,3,13,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,3,58,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739616294811086,0.2145090995300366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108056615287788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437662377622807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317674696302488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838819707270362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679777336480434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944754640381505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770845911288395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855347235934633,0.2044835857651416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409369064889847,0.22914251180367165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250314963638621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045073111736421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403467603754948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961184985038964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318487420148347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372499996305676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442649861518674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244324067149836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Discopenguin1,2018/02/04,"I’m tired of being alone I’m tired of being...me. I’ve lost too many “friends” because of how overly emotional I am. No one wants to talk or spend any time with me. I’m sick of being alone and just wish it would all end. Years of therapy and being in an out of hospitals have changed nothing, I’m just another lost cause “lost cause” or “desperate for attention” when in reality I just want a friend. Whatever, I guess some aren’t meant to be happy right? ",1.0977419354838671,3.3359121612903238,3.009043010752688,90.05356451612906,83.3010752688172,7.160860215053764,22.203225806451613,8.238735603445708,1.310605161290323,353,12,77,8,10,118,63,93,0.231,0.622,0.147,-0.7845,1,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,3,1,21,20,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,4,3,14,11,2,9,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,4,4,43,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143477798834544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319957359621336,0.15912984449607445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250930870746164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31179130536607985,0.16053817647208854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070555333827575,0.13441114969889645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449327648318324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717681235568446,0.0,0.0,0.16154753732403102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969801970525565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385719680132814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561438359335138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283408171151824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959915857906365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219760667481048,0.0,0.0,0.17354669877854453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849039236483255,0.3488433747169761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790197437985438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451240043556532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780341089096446,0.0,0.0,0.09772616278252688
suicidewatch,slavatebya,2018/02/04,"I think this is the year I'll finally do it No one cares about me. My friends never reply to my messages. My family doesn't even celebrate/remember my birthday anymore. My grades are slipping. I'm socially awkward and no one feels comfortable talking to me. People only text me when they need something.What's the point of even living? My dog is the only being that shows any affection towards me. But that's pathetic, isn't it? The only thing that loves me is a dog. I don't think I'll make it through another year of disapppointment ",1.8073186813186841,4.503401600000005,3.5180952380952384,84.22549450549455,85.38095238095238,7.04029304029304,26.172161172161175,8.139509932561175,2.2049853479853474,428,19,79,10,13,142,67,105,0.08900000000000001,0.758,0.154,0.8466,0,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,2,1,9,17,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,1,14,4,7,16,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,5,53,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189393352176618,0.20337546367598888,0.0,0.0,0.19234815470168992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977468742147946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562067832862793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182840577050432,0.0,0.09806790127391687,0.0,0.0,0.21246481105844192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498467461735178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126306889371146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750491496988928,0.0,0.1294643901115477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438128660751692,0.14958765140578376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628536352310765,0.4425274478263628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446181708357413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334722326576813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970967842430367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977095230622094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589117937509914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288530150435672,0.24855307450905914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497973115239469
suicidewatch,succubus_succulent,2018/02/04,"Long time lurker, first time poster. I have been thinking about suicidal for a long time. I never thought I’d be posting here. Months to be honest. 
I have had my number of shitty days and terrible abusive relationships. 
I recently started a new relationship and it has been with the most amazing person I could imagine.
I have never been treated so kindly in my life. 
But I don’t know how to accept the love and affection that I am being given and I have unfortunately pushed them away. 
We just broke up and I have already told myself of it doesn’t work for me this time with someone who treats me the way I should, then there is no hope for me and I am going to end it. 

I know exactly how I will do it, I have played it out over and over again in my head. 
I’m just not sure when I am going to. 
I feel the urge to do it every day, now even more so than ever and I think that I might finally do it. ",1.9321276595744687,3.5116402446808554,3.7425,89.15875,77.40425531914894,6.614893617021277,21.856382978723406,7.413659706084162,0.6481106382978723,698,19,154,9,16,235,112,188,0.124,0.733,0.142,0.5495,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,2,15,12,0,0,6,0,27,3,1,3,5,37,41,15,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,8,1,0,3,6,2,0,1,7,1,28,10,21,27,2,34,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,3,22,123,39,1,0.0,0.17425315465976926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229470706593416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817651447830825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742292491675853,0.0,0.0,0.18969515399545286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025980944620838,0.0,0.0,0.09713793193612888,0.1330326651759748,0.1239122873966008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436269248515949,0.0,0.0,0.16110730629919792,0.0,0.12509713111442572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716582453608392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509356032824944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460730687553213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153150117360994,0.16165095927014206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387944549100192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26030352914926874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273584852691833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601736054338905,0.0,0.0,0.11738936812564488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685792958891665,0.14204051413273808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284153012800602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085180286954138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521326043660507,0.3157949287196091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246114000652266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409645715011824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608700206133149,0.0,0.1386111408666179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847222797531246,0.0,0.11675665208661445,0.3430293297270394,0.0,0.0,0.1405310856923956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673682050494236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706825305288634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stickyribs1,2018/02/05,"The irony. When I was a kid I never really understood the concept of ""depression"" or wanting to commit suicide, I thought it was a pretty stupid and pointless thing to do.

Well I guess fate decided to make a joke out of it for me because all I've dealt with for the past 4 years is never-ending thoughts of suicide, I have no aspirations in life, no talents and no motivation to do anything. I have a dead-end job on nightshift so I have no friends whatsoever or social life and I live in a tiny town without any career options for me to even attempt at improving my situation.

I've attempted suicide a few times but failed each time, I thought that I might've failed because things could get better, but there doesn't just seem to be any light at the end of this tunnel. I don't think I'm going to kill myself any time soon but I feel like it will eventually happen. 

Just venting.",6.0494318181818185,5.837055079545461,6.694454545454544,78.41418181818182,66.38636363636364,9.54,34.07727272727273,9.120678840339163,2.8502200000000006,698,29,138,11,10,230,110,176,0.183,0.6970000000000001,0.119,-0.9283,1,0,0,0,0,5,16.0,0,0,0,6,8,11,2,0,10,0,13,2,0,2,3,31,27,10,4,2,8,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,9,1,0,1,8,5,1,0,6,2,16,6,22,18,3,17,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,5,10,92,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661038336309688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073381074610802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902573260573732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536046495647817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041429139462006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123447473450815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465840116507494,0.0,0.0,0.08615206352343535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595260243925738,0.09318384592417876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077489931791628,0.0,0.06814767617220936,0.0,0.07413005634014162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369048602246373,0.0,0.11534454669575027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943807770645782,0.0,0.14430863710175335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426228371023093,0.0637246745351279,0.0,0.11517779975452876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706736190079778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383724904204341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120130592846394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451637741744832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270079085573974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356094780445983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874447069234267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466160663124257,0.0,0.1329635630373706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280290086062639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331240016101576,0.08357842828900768,0.0,0.31065598083651697,0.228175677739957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693481419929417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727805848625468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257361101264687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399681528473776
suicidewatch,bloodwillpour,2018/02/05,"17F - i don’t think i can go on any longer i feel so alone, i recently got more help for myself and started working towards being better and taking better care of myself and everything has fallen apart. the person i love broke up with me today, i have no friends and no relationship with my family. i just feel so alone and so tired, i don’t want to be alive any longer.",4.282,4.962134533333334,5.364000000000001,83.32200000000002,70.33333333333334,8.133333333333333,24.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.3031333333333333,290,7,59,4,5,96,52,75,0.198,0.546,0.256,0.7454,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,12,17,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,2,12,5,8,14,1,9,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289835337896317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816683978700304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366323892051416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111508988951934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612693293636803,0.0,0.19523419701076708,0.0,0.2094306227491652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000392055092705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769894810477907,0.0,0.1656357271266827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881387464418574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691463749567155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083057255472504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448495440602985,0.22234646962243507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465855062421379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571242788256653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270046698372875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380294584562863,0.19630532600482625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221521627117685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077030002649655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Squeek99,2018/02/05,"Why should I care anymore? Two years ago, when I was a sixteen year old girl, I was a false positive for being suicidal, was shipped to my local ER against my will, and held overnight there. Back then, I was looking for someone (like a therapist) to talk to about this. I believe that whole incident made me 'Tip over the edge' and my depression has been getting exponentially worse since then.

Now I'm having an extremely hard time even caring about my own life. Like I never want to live anymore, I end up drifting between ""I don't care if I die"" to ""Please fucking let me end my life right now!"", and when I get to the latter moments, people I know say the same token, selfish, guilt-trippy shit that is located on the sidebar and similar things.

My life isn't that great right now, and depression and anxiety just makes everything worse. I just got to my University last semester and things have gotten slightly better after getting away from my parents, but other things began to take their place in that regard. And I don't even want to seek help anymore, because of bad experiences in the past and the whole corporatization of mental health issues to make good publicity and turn us into walking fucking billboards. (I personally don't like Bell doing this but if it legitimately helped someone who reads this, I'm sorry.) I don't know why I should even care about life or living anymore because I haven't seen anything good in the world and I don't feel like I ever will. Everything ""Good"" gets scooped up and turned to shit by *something* and it's just an endless fucking shit tornado.

TL;DR I've just basically gone extremely apathetic about my own life at the best of times and I'm wondering if there's any reason *not to be*.",6.955493521036638,7.117969124620062,7.087777955527116,75.088045112782,64.44072948328268,9.965829467285236,34.64101743721005,9.682069395223575,3.232965957446808,1378,57,252,25,19,444,182,329,0.134,0.759,0.107,-0.7486,1,0,1,0,0,3,44.0,1,0,1,2,20,24,6,0,13,0,24,12,3,4,2,42,57,24,2,7,11,1,2,4,0,4,6,1,0,2,14,15,0,1,5,1,1,3,9,10,1,1,12,5,32,14,36,38,6,41,0,2,2,3,11,15,6,5,27,166,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677719978689105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199144899742554,0.0,0.058487221417492866,0.0,0.3032879225873258,0.0,0.0,0.06291525751502884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718311979267528,0.0587885280792232,0.0638360282321944,0.0932114898898684,0.0,0.0,0.08613765474848023,0.08023392171601254,0.06761748955208613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118004369303958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169970808809944,0.0,0.07934734519371349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543138194733625,0.0,0.0,0.15149175042032678,0.06915716277152888,0.0,0.0,0.1374241343932898,0.07478683668597427,0.0,0.0,0.038657519350774286,0.054618865575641266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120419106327556,0.15977656758965927,0.0,0.0,0.19237836054304866,0.06114737417601295,0.08429097883054969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848790822048248,0.0,0.0,0.08126719453478913,0.0,0.0,0.10249122071590568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797982772812783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403441130515621,0.062320342769923875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817955623101859,0.2700091631981672,0.1494065585194966,0.0,0.13502084400357245,0.0,0.06420223704160052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234277265092813,0.1020674879539706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704780880610577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896615970911968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022577758907615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489329444612798,0.0,0.07298414454435778,0.05300368651032853,0.06675682157635891,0.07987832241482845,0.08392370646109003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647484733477318,0.0,0.0,0.07860760759299054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058286596680058,0.0,0.06079941489108895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23543728277579465,0.06324366934948349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955871952350118,0.0588581458511409,0.0,0.08558417021139086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362843957082064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748401179359387,0.06145095597055214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876916985595909,0.15237823562286654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891620684286854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663203385443312,0.07468460290193231,0.0,0.0919649382257718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018928620433456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797597137871673,0.17071667359367731,0.0,0.0,0.082911272768072,0.0,0.0,0.15582663682528325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846794189095916
suicidewatch,lumpy8583,2018/02/05,Smiled for the first time in days... Bought some weed... Makes the pain go... for a little while.,-0.11333333333333327,2.134069888888888,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,100.11111111111113,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.9601333333333333,70,0,17,0,3,19,16,18,0.151,0.688,0.161,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30798513474158784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062102375370751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714069806715702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786381586914914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31877339604473426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081549403735528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784676680217968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmeraldThunder,2018/02/05,"trapped. I don't know what to do to get out of this nightmare.
I'm trapped with my emotionally abusive narcissistic mother. I had to move back home last July and ever since I got back here it's been hell and my mental state is getting worse and worse and worse. I self-harmed for the first time in YEAAAARS. This is not a good place.
Her abuse and my feeling like I'm trapped in a prison bled into my small group of people who give me support. I've lost control of my emotions and have started taking out my anger at her onto the people who were helping me and now I'm fucked and alone because I pushed everyone away. Yes, to the point where I can't ask for forgiveness and understanding at this time. I hurt them and need to give them space.

I can't hold a job because she triggers me or creates a dramatic problem whenever I'm supposed to be getting ready to go into work or the night before. I was working for a high-end make-up company and needed to go into work looking ""glam"" and she would trigger me to tears 10 minutes before I would have to leave and my make-up would be ruined, causing me to have to either be late and re-apply 45 minutes worth of product or just call out from distress. She emotionally disables me to the point that I can't function and I wasn't this person a year ago. She had me baker acted BEFORE I was even having suicidal thoughts because she triggered me into a panic attack and didn't want to deal with it so, she called the cops. I was tossing a washcloth past her in the laundry room over to the washer and she took it as an act of aggression and came after me and started hitting me. When I leave her, I am never speaking to her again, so on top of all my already existent mental issues, I now have to deal with when I leave this house my mother is dead to me. I didn't realize she was abusive until I moved back because I had done so much healing the year before and just didn't understand prior.

I have no money, no car, no where else to go. I'm trapped in her prison. It feels like ending my life is the only way out. I don't know what to do to get out of here. I don't want to go to a homeless shelter... I don't want to force myself to do mentally harmful stuff I don't want to in order to make money... I don't want to have to move from one toxic environment to another... I just want to live and be happy. That's all I ever wanted. but how. the combo of having C-PTSD and being back with my abuser is mentally destroying me and I've no run out of cannabis which means my bipolar is going to return. Once that happens, I'm fucked. I'm just so utterly screwed with no way out. Well, except that one way. ",3.550696650717704,4.305986240000003,4.836918660287083,86.16348325358852,72.05454545454545,7.244019138755982,27.382775119617214,7.273561745256523,1.3307272727272723,2072,71,436,20,38,689,242,550,0.189,0.772,0.039,-0.9966,1,5,0,0,2,0,55.0,0,0,2,7,27,22,8,2,21,1,49,6,0,7,5,87,99,36,2,13,11,2,2,2,0,3,3,1,2,1,19,40,0,2,10,0,3,15,20,15,1,3,19,4,70,7,77,71,4,80,1,3,1,3,32,31,4,3,31,303,89,4,0.0,0.2988295173190271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589259393678716,0.0,0.0,0.06530379153914173,0.06958044614836333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611646626854165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894595260077338,0.07173177954636936,0.0592402777542247,0.19393516091581944,0.0,0.1537458572413518,0.0,0.21461350486461372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287681269897127,0.07211572331699982,0.0,0.0647726998959316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071919198614042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000954828403566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452501106356562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267260951672826,0.21277808688026345,0.11169231357355114,0.0,0.0,0.04164584763259909,0.11406992085687195,0.0,0.06024975069715765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637628843657713,0.0900900127162315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363276691017295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658278523332788,0.13177015719938104,0.1209721796149659,0.17917208857671366,0.05288578334302499,0.05042916636058762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575747370967767,0.06712098749341612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042263031647969296,0.06661885365164588,0.06324720252677216,0.0,0.0,0.07275458418517708,0.0674994365374003,0.0,0.0,0.06581084886363757,0.06257027680542218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930445280484633,0.051396531339953866,0.07112642074831696,0.2002917598308243,0.0,0.0,0.044536129942747006,0.061608926764824164,0.0,0.05567686835417827,0.0,0.052948558071735374,0.0,0.068829691749765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626490669628473,0.0,0.0,0.06868309573988066,0.0,0.0,0.2541699832812153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104577126151374,0.046351138517188216,0.093505856969941,0.04863028572668738,0.0,0.0,0.059170877956013175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714928365671935,0.0854525575170002,0.04795457385119802,0.0,0.07397899592769164,0.0,0.0,0.06019113030623643,0.08742588739983331,0.05505536266018246,0.06587686329860802,0.0,0.1192107472885199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060333112498042664,0.0737054691864796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577792894641013,0.0,0.0,0.05215801276598752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892583382651737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218048842993942,0.06896964176178218,0.07155168688551351,0.0,0.0,0.04740793587421622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050056961744756136,0.07353330936012817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070054095026772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128059098745454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603316500062929,0.15014537811221526,0.0,0.0,0.05669213196544046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770979258219004,0.0,0.19276888413686905,0.1343729192165838,0.0,0.0,0.08120800426376765
suicidewatch,Gaberecru,2018/02/05,"I can do so much, but I feel like the universe is telling me I can't My name is Gabriel, 12 years old living in Las Vegas, NV. Already not a good place to be living. I am in 7th grade homeschooling if that matters. My story is already kinda weird. Ever since I was just weeks old, I wanted to be a NASCAR driver. The reason I went to homeschooling was so I could pursue that dream, but nothing has happened yet. My mom works social service but she doesn't get paid enough to fund even a low grade go kart. She worked L.A. county 10 years then here in Vegas 10 years. A total of 20. Nevada has the worst education system in America, I feel like that's effecting me in its own way, but I am a very intelligent kid. I carry conversations with college teachers and make THEM realize how useless the crap they teach us is. But NASCAR is a weird thing to work with alongside school. And because of that its anchoring me from doing anything I know I can do. I want to run away so bad because I know there is a place I can go to start racing, and sometimes even on the cusp of suicidal thoughts sometimes. Society doesn't approve of a kid, a 12 year old smarter than your average Joe to make a difference, to race cars, to realize and make others realize things that corporate heads try to keep away from you. I'm helpless here. I love my mom, I love NASCAR, but I fell like there is nothing I can do. I put my blood, sweat, heart, soul and tears into this for nothing. The sport is failing as it is. I could do so much for it and for others if people just listened, and cared. I don't know what to do. I have so much ahead of me, but I feel like I'm drowning in a pit of societal quicksand, and they're forcing me down there. Please, I need support, I need help. I need a light.

P.S. My father was incarcerated and deported, which is also a big source of my depression.",3.1479045092838187,4.491273657824934,4.284774535809023,87.49729442970825,73.6949602122016,7.322015915119362,26.26259946949602,7.873277556716777,1.391119893899205,1447,50,306,20,29,473,195,377,0.125,0.746,0.129,-0.0458,0,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,1,2,2,7,18,19,1,0,19,0,36,7,5,6,2,53,66,27,2,9,12,3,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,16,12,0,1,12,2,2,7,5,10,0,0,6,5,47,9,40,56,7,37,1,5,0,2,21,15,1,3,17,203,63,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863230696542786,0.07197218156458457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406152276859254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691140785516672,0.0,0.07514542012715808,0.10972513112775352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175999618797323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437137839459442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751602166496589,0.0,0.0,0.09402981769294408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299304305430303,0.0,0.11888700416141895,0.08140926362721093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651862184101068,0.19288594767932565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470207719312062,0.0,0.10229703104208608,0.07548690567964936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795858337118321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236495639700824,0.0,0.0,0.10664926874815006,0.060324444152665815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999526172074939,0.0,0.0,0.14838331857901266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587589517416405,0.0,0.15894156214836208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624552536960064,0.0,0.18022512856830447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081152250051666,0.0,0.0,0.1984788992552276,0.20019939271209589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590694529627172,0.0,0.2833164873618501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239398661550941,0.0,0.18805963538588816,0.09879189472296077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047387021339592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925339790295252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108381025687624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444811707839294,0.0,0.0,0.09174266422440899,0.0,0.0,0.178022658622481,0.0,0.06370176761912373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844431742008992,0.10212981821813023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866310792792157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958269597084732,0.0,0.0,0.07144916669433396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110342500979887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082577364432342,0.0,0.0,0.07425861467587487,0.10616750431498842,0.07143703076923352,0.0721917829663801,0.0,0.0,0.0834299906355222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965610692837903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318256654545738
suicidewatch,alexmaurerbriggs,2018/02/05,"Alienated from all my friends. 13 UK Every single day I get alienated from friend groups, one of them meant a lot to me and I just cant handle it. 

I feel suicidal and have for quite a few months. I'm getting less scared of death.",0.13437500000000213,2.4277303541666697,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,89.20833333333334,5.7,18.416666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.22989166666666616,179,5,41,3,6,58,40,48,0.203,0.679,0.119,-0.6644,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,6,2,6,6,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383754600147908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663007045816105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598133471622673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4883863069624773,0.0,0.330264700030348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268709491616176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522822562559429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417568192223949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33617694923592323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164389482727479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34572680995120714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AkiyamaSan,2018/02/05,"I can't take this life anymore I'm living with a seriously mentally/emotionally abusing (perhaps not biological) family, and I just can't live one more day like this anymore, I can't be myself I don't even remember what I am, what I like, what I want...etc. I'm just afraid of being myself, maybe I have no f self to be. I honestly can't face anything/anyone in life, too ashamed of myself because of everything that happened to me since early childhood. so tomorrow's morning I'm going to drown myself in the sea. and these disgusting ugly woman and her sons/daughters can have their happy sick life.



if only I can live by myself, I'll never think about ending life. but enough is enough I'm choosing my pride. I'd rather die than live like nothing. life have been so humiliating to me. and I'm a f human being. why on earth do I have to suffer all of this? for what? what have I done? life is not worthy.


okay, I guess my text seems like nonsense, so I'll make it clear, since I was so young maybe 5 or younger I don't have a f normal family, it was a manipulation, brainwashing...etc, literally everything they say/do is not normal but for sick purpose. and lots of things that makes u depressed for example but you have no idea why. being angry and you don't know why cause you're still a child, so u think this shitty shit is just how you are. it's just you. and u keep living like others smiling, going to school, doing every day shit like nothing is wrong, it's just you who is wrong. but now at this age (24) things are just broken beyond repair. 






(Actually ENG is not my native language)
Comments are not necessarily. I thought I'll just leave something before going, I don't like how this text seems, but I ain't spending more time uselessly, I'll clear all my data and damage my stuff, maybe throw it somewhere. I just want a complete disappearance. this is the only justice I'll feel. such  life is not worthy of my hard working, time or effort. it's just a place for the immoral sick ones.",2.116437112347338,4.298504221945136,3.810024937655861,86.06006458213442,79.09975062344141,6.207583605089841,22.252126095018863,7.321109707123232,0.8576253085235632,1567,48,313,21,39,523,191,401,0.227,0.654,0.12,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,1,64.0,0,5,2,3,24,23,3,2,10,1,42,13,3,6,5,60,64,23,2,5,24,0,2,7,0,0,10,0,0,4,26,9,0,1,10,0,1,5,18,12,0,2,5,2,40,11,25,54,7,24,0,4,0,0,14,6,2,7,20,199,66,3,0.0,0.09315238678003963,0.07672222600440239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594073704944802,0.054973252346180994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792630155168163,0.0,0.0669002192043346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076486750874355,0.0,0.0,0.08243205453996355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140738278044677,0.0,0.06771568538981981,0.0,0.08159562297679003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045602511431542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843743337990145,0.06963439012119595,0.16247189965769832,0.17536518640486118,0.05192807111237077,0.0,0.06624112685308255,0.0,0.14131799659448466,0.0,0.1482327417801854,0.0,0.03975286591458199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404545450549046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660929838686797,0.0,0.0695238114826092,0.08369293962844808,0.07042848785910277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875292752175902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988147558412168,0.0,0.0,0.043207747689555216,0.0,0.0,0.08324771326922185,0.0,0.0,0.3887236826579855,0.2688698920114499,0.0,0.34711652464323217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684030201399473,0.0,0.0,0.10495953260878693,0.0,0.23695445251965214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606369441128537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406271254110004,0.15087689997610598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655051429433003,0.11958880237362265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821416452417768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906165292700392,0.0,0.0,0.06252214390476889,0.0,0.07956810098070695,0.0,0.1431462246202717,0.08201828432181882,0.0,0.16140554094283388,0.1300713108248535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052586972201696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278639942649387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000161478719859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591128000823782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044638778474382,0.10075363003861593,0.0,0.06241586177048344,0.0916884427774676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274476639021484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282820451627613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723662988896407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719182578533207,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hanna9901,2018/02/05,"I’m just looking for someone like me who knows how this feels. Help? I’m done trying. It’s sad, but I’m done fighting with myself over this eating disorder. If I can’t be the way I want to be there isn’t any point in ‘being’ at all. My parents thought they were helping me get over it but it’s only gotten worse for me mentally because now I can’t control myself. It’s only been 1 month since this so called “recovery process” and I’ve gained 9 pounds. I’m a disgusting, worthless pig. I guess why I’m putting this up here is because I’m hoping there is somebody else like me in a similar situation that I can talk to.. I took 20 tablets of Advil and Benadryl a few minutes ago after doing research on the side effects of what an overdose is and what it can do to you and I haven’t taken enough for it too kill me but I’m seriously considering adding onto that number to guarantee some significant damage to myself. ",2.9374603174603173,4.405983169312172,4.557862433862437,84.82695238095242,74.44973544973544,7.156402116402117,27.943915343915343,7.793537801064563,1.6850004232804237,725,29,148,10,15,244,120,189,0.17,0.7090000000000001,0.121,-0.9432,1,0,0,0,3,1,13.0,0,1,1,3,8,10,3,0,6,0,18,2,0,3,1,21,36,10,1,3,5,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,15,5,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,8,2,18,3,20,25,4,17,0,3,1,0,9,10,0,4,6,97,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464568609089524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235472840861753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143219381435865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870728602583385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853073928903975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893555285819082,0.0,0.0,0.33815322943047005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906049885173927,0.13801944948963427,0.0,0.0,0.17071560980949607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353979685817549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632021805396403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200758679423976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214859075840233,0.0,0.0,0.16409995499699226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279057660330875,0.0,0.09080015696077644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143552092340685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874252487927194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665021037078185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318763971393729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131330853658745,0.0,0.0,0.18345638033053874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618555701881448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609093990273924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667103784080878,0.18571331445435446,0.0,0.0,0.1399897004770152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279694260614242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116559757573334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356462151393652,0.11217299831671597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745057074055437,0.1311433185773688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490846388214582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837249006274008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aPokemon,2018/02/05,"My brother is about to leave for two years and I can't handle the separation He's going to be going abroad, and I won't be able to communicate with him except through weekly email. 

We do everything together, laugh at the same jokes, play the same games, and think the same memes are funny.

Every time I think about him being gone I start panicking. My heart starts to race, and I keep thinking about how much I'll miss him. I've just spent the last twenty minutes in the bathroom crying my eyes out because I'm not ready for him to leave.

It's also about the time I should move out of my parents home, but I've tried to previously and I just kept having anxiety so I moved back in.

I can't focus on my schoolwork and I've already withdrawn from one of my classes.

I just want to spend time with my brother, but the more time I spend with him the more I know I'll miss him.

I also keep having these thoughts about how short life is, and I'm scared about dying.

Please help, I feel like my life is falling apart.",3.0948076923076933,4.42498886538462,3.832884615384618,90.73711538461541,73.80769230769229,6.546153846153848,23.09615384615385,6.9077264865688965,0.539513461538462,796,21,173,7,16,253,114,208,0.093,0.8140000000000001,0.093,0.4395,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,15,7,0,1,9,0,14,4,2,2,0,36,34,14,1,2,7,3,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,13,0,3,6,3,3,6,4,3,0,2,4,2,29,4,29,25,6,24,0,2,1,0,14,8,0,0,11,110,31,1,0.14222327736612955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694692317935388,0.22747180705167794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088004179028603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936092137556197,0.0,0.08669798981365806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562255918960821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476053077463602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982924522061884,0.0,0.12782111108681302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191236236765726,0.10160433776791747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161657532127769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853526845724534,0.09532926488049634,0.0,0.14266154337545642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528291673757577,0.0,0.0,0.0781621937803946,0.115930953341361,0.0,0.30118783062124604,0.0,0.0,0.20091301369140327,0.06948310934586281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023216719098981,0.10455047328413608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637417351063804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792211852496696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611844969938365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423903116948355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133273547787556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27339280023592283,0.0,0.11290939573446372,0.331726147045959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965602695504862,0.0,0.13893147613624027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388697386859814,0.0,0.11408293432726525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915871276504741
suicidewatch,thirstykid,2018/02/05,"16, and i’ve given up i was so happy for the past month but i ruined everything again and i’m depressed again. i’ve been crying for hours and don’t know what the point is of all this. i’m going to kill myself tonight, because i don’t know what else to do. life seems so easy to everyone else and they just deal with things but i can’t. everything is so built up and i cant take it anymore. i’m done. ",-1.2102059925093656,0.8224111910112413,1.0912640449438236,100.44865636704121,94.3932584269663,4.31498127340824,15.281835205992513,5.985473137389443,-0.7916749063670409,312,7,77,3,12,104,54,89,0.2,0.7170000000000001,0.083,-0.9234,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,13,19,10,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,7,1,9,15,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151686927366573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001376615095595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342785295856088,0.0,0.21988275081074196,0.18369811564804184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825992192132787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35633685143233274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379858393184186,0.3833653832508642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121217933526625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227040976020344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003825440364826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23596318772165345,0.0,0.23442668522884305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064627008596948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023839867733034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360029676017652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161893788552349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416248667866595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036033488106413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169403590461602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tea_mcfyck,2018/02/05,"Life is pain, and so is death Hey, I’m Sam. I’m a 20 year old trans guy from the netherlands. I live with my transphobic parents, have borderline, mild autism and severe depression. This friday, my ex broke up with me. In a moment of dispair, I tried to kill myself. I called an ambulance and got taken to the hospital. The doctors and psychiatrists decided I was well enough to go home. After that day, I just can’t let go of how close I actually was. Does anyone have some motivation to keep on going? The only thing keeping me alive are memes and my pet hamster.",1.5519334719334736,4.094508171171172,3.4733333333333327,85.36846153846155,84.40540540540543,7.018988218988218,22.051975051975045,8.139509932561175,1.4856037422037425,441,15,87,10,13,148,83,111,0.17800000000000002,0.762,0.059,-0.9449,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,7,0,9,3,0,2,0,15,18,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,3,8,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,4,1,0,4,0,12,1,13,13,2,12,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,55,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.19061002354852613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657649771062905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944970951615212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596912672128566,0.0,0.16823401847096445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999244624903752,0.1709311200984664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018239969858971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33302484261077514,0.0,0.15622006496319468,0.0,0.0,0.19340347311952366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592792823152164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472294900810325,0.216099305872523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997340935368324,0.13796454740332031,0.0,0.0,0.17247645794983188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049618050746113,0.0,0.0,0.14855424316851978,0.2078406613087738,0.0,0.2168864346511251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206628100581116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976593129172234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261354892757213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562155351163564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578355560059418
suicidewatch,MrAlex208,2018/02/05,"hug someone you really love today for me. take care of the ones you love. life is so fragile. A year ago today one of my wrestling teammates committed suicide by overdose and nothing has ever struck me hard until our coach had told us what happened and I know there’s some of you going through tough times but please, hug someone, I know it sounds cheesy but it can honestly make anyone’s day. ",3.4583082706766963,5.767120394736844,3.549548872180452,88.9518421052632,75.3157894736842,5.9218045112781965,26.646616541353374,6.868970318607317,1.213472180451128,314,12,59,3,7,96,61,76,0.059,0.6709999999999999,0.269,0.955,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,2,3,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,2,10,14,6,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,10,6,7,12,1,9,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,8,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193312278294054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356207783232631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775432513522145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508763438083795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544719547911758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023147982495222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151747482385046,0.0,0.17374934048713886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318980126376816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699911488064806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501114907798529,0.0,0.1294692682107473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610907789215164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26286353931440426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290895032022195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425522637938954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286819915582457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121598775454069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583317547877486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309916588546158,0.0,0.3677012739955496,0.18533632194583055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333090289927933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490336182850015
suicidewatch,Ayasuna,2018/02/05,"Is it still worth restarting From a young age, I've been reading. Generally, they've been fantasy, an opportunity to lose myself and distract myself from real life, a brief self-insert into another universe where the problems are not really mine. Unfortunately, I can't spend my entirety in that other-world, but I thought, at the very least, I could bring some of the values I had learned with me and be happy just upholding a form of ""code of honor"" I had derived from those characters.

I thought I could be happy just doing that, helping other people, being selfless, making other people happy. A selfish habit of mine if you will; it was like living through proxy, from other people smiling. And it worked for a long while.

But I was wrong. 

Sometimes, despite my best intentions I make mistakes, I screw up whilst trying to help. I've resorted to drinking before because of this.

Sometimes, my impression is that I've done nothing wrong at all, but people still end up disliking me due to my actions or inactions.

Sometimes, I take what I intended to be a friendly joke too far and hurt those that are close to me.

On each occasion that one of the above happened, the usual response is a long-lasting friendship or friendships come to an end. 

On each occasion, I've wanted to just end it, for not doing enough for the people I've lost.

This time around I had found someone I loved dearly, and loved me back. Through a series of events she has started mistrusting me and I have hurt her as a result. All I ever wanted to do was to keep her happy but even this time I'm not doing enough. I'm afraid I'm going to lose her, lose another person I treasure again, hurt someone I love again even though I've done my best and gave my all.

The only reason I haven't decided to drown yet is because I've already arranged to let some friends to stay when visiting next week.

I don't want to be a fuck up any more",6.150063882063883,6.372535043243243,6.532334152334155,78.18400491400493,66.13513513513513,8.997542997542997,32.49385749385749,8.710501217029153,2.61145945945946,1506,58,278,21,22,488,192,370,0.147,0.637,0.21600000000000005,0.9871,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,0,9,17,34,2,2,19,0,34,7,0,7,4,55,58,18,1,8,13,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,18,14,1,1,6,4,2,6,6,16,0,1,15,0,40,18,43,34,14,44,0,7,0,5,15,13,2,5,25,203,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855883277360856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054573344853322485,0.16830007290763646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144029021841271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170796694751756,0.0,0.09784037337185307,0.0,0.0682875812830298,0.0,0.16843667807601398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912902029680852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128147582376381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424900904800996,0.0,0.07861530269600353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213235358510781,0.16584120629255694,0.0,0.10600988813283936,0.07259150813809566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799093893324332,0.12400324921276427,0.07419063798287139,0.0,0.0,0.04560841991765985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096558104277642,0.34171418184668995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758093571971948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577306546676566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133066230401203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541517158963442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206195374332345,0.05668356416648537,0.03920652241215829,0.0,0.0708629902059326,0.14203899267611364,0.0,0.2693405950398227,0.08760330666074409,0.0,0.21728863544482968,0.0,0.1071361603847624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853477127571033,0.0,0.0,0.0770028760248243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054380067749847216,0.06103440436933445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27817925045412645,0.07007196597615027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678924634994096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027258898693948,0.09134306144370367,0.05141076351940865,0.08251126214003665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371916152044477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599260677772268,0.0,0.23811049313753624,0.0,0.0568019802231581,0.08553675179243665,0.1281769000250952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603386683706314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884607424601561,0.12742045645572658,0.09358985760206702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448507425611628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838499770754715,0.06621537391926119,0.14200213053346147,0.0,0.06437240882935569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842359057107669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754834609934262,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_elib,2018/02/05,"I'm turning 18 tomorrow I'm a loser. I'm 18 and still don't have a car. Wasted your teen years by not having sex. All of you might think I'm a loser too well you're right. I used to frequent thecoli.com but left after they kept flaming me for not having sex in high school it might not mean much to any of you but I actually wanted to so it hits home. Those guys were right I missed my prime and I missed girls prime as they said girls were most attractive in HS, it scares me because the 20 something year old girls at my gym look kinda old. I'm a loser I also don't have a car but I'm hoping I'll be able to afford one sometime in this year. I'm moving out on my own and I'll see how life treats me for now, I backed out of the whole suicide thing but I ain't wrapped too tight so I might get back at that now.  I hate going to my gym because it's all sports bras and short shorts that could qualify as underwear haha. I don't know anymore this seems like the only way to end my life because I'll never be normal like you guys and I'm going to die a virgin anyway might as well speed up the process. Shit I hate my life

I know this is the wrong place for someone like me but at least somebody will know why I died while my family members will be grasping at straws.",0.2474505166189438,2.2011482527075827,2.06513631271007,97.26924187725635,84.52346570397111,4.831519980082161,17.49396240507905,5.935793293072707,-0.5330419768455124,994,22,235,7,29,327,146,277,0.17800000000000002,0.726,0.096,-0.9841,1,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,4,2,3,14,19,3,1,11,1,21,7,1,2,3,39,51,18,3,4,8,0,1,3,0,6,3,1,1,5,11,7,0,2,7,3,0,5,8,10,2,1,4,4,30,9,29,36,7,41,0,5,2,3,12,18,1,8,20,139,41,2,0.10231587044241068,0.0,0.09984553031004326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182196462708999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957830046153651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146985038434447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573491775768824,0.0,0.18711241488035504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081690897030114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237543985307392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062149225269213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645429677382572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345581937433976,0.0,0.11629693408516326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261759563244494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203147908359226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810233465350028,0.10263116037989513,0.10162274553306302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869037981191942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116649260787574,0.0,0.2168061753997323,0.14995909837175952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591956226118005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145197783702092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341638787858598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874557803725822,0.0752139373901105,0.0,0.07891230685852271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024782931732992,0.0,0.0,0.2147265892946952,0.0,0.06933188176731718,0.07781583000115352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689830778937563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475438862680095,0.09732582288930798,0.0,0.1024360354607664,0.10354912327134376,0.08153250186219899,0.0931445257354204,0.0,0.0,0.10502577069056833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669190499830531,0.07876775576773029,0.1011930120775771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170958630210699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191695572624136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797411796499847,0.06555987844572099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129028629953144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836806120083544,0.0,0.0,0.06034855129972845,0.08121357554542681,0.0,0.0,0.1839885103395811,0.0,0.09232415885866238,0.11423201543856865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186634251434914,0.0,0.1976641980219919
suicidewatch,ThatThrowaway29986,2018/02/05,"There isn't really a point. I have nobody. Nothing. Not to look forward to at the end of the day, not a person to text me or talk to. It's been like this for years and I think I've finally lost it. I give up. There's no point in continuing to have to fight every day for absolutely nothing. There's nobody for me.

I haven't gotten a call or a text in close to 2 months now, last one was a security code for an account. I'm only 17 and it already feels like it's all over. Im finally just gonna close my eyes and do it.",-0.4926923076923089,1.2164027435897466,2.6347222222222237,93.53875,85.66666666666667,5.951282051282053,18.29700854700855,7.1686216300943375,0.0611829059829061,399,10,100,6,12,143,71,117,0.067,0.863,0.07,0.0772,0,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,8,0,7,1,1,0,1,13,15,5,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,4,3,7,3,17,10,1,20,0,1,2,0,5,10,0,2,13,60,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079397756839724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241048975449807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430465446672023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689512582734733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876237562861015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527705415764587,0.13461610317671155,0.0,0.4128368415526234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076147312637567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353926511907133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535975089176063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411704898085304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582357098537434,0.0,0.20569616113592215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040489808341706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361611829472857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276866319872306,0.14331128760480302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453185335068987,0.0,0.0,0.3562589408730979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071458373097955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514547792608979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207398365490848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213442506127716
suicidewatch,Tommy_shelby_CM,2018/02/05,"Should I write a suicide note? I am ready to kill myself. I have thought about it for months but these past few weeks have been hell. I have made a plan and tied up the loose ends. I can’t continue feeling like this but more importantly I just don’t want too. I don’t want to give it time and feel better. I don’t want to be alive.

I am thinking overdose and I read about how taking some anti sickness pills beforehand will help speed it up and minimise the risk of failing. 

Should i write a note?
If i do, should it be a generic and to everyone or directed to individuals? I am worried if to individuals they will look into it more, blame themselves or potentially compare and contrast. Its no ones fault. No one is too blame except me. ",2.2819980694980693,4.4033298445945945,3.522046332046333,88.64013513513515,78.25675675675676,6.390733590733591,24.760617760617762,7.447530270364453,1.0832861003861003,579,21,122,8,14,188,90,148,0.256,0.598,0.145,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,3,6,7,2,1,6,0,20,2,0,2,0,30,31,13,2,8,8,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,3,16,2,14,21,4,10,1,1,1,0,5,3,1,5,8,88,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401692225524605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429869458519555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961957962903735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218423953963091,0.15671957456947605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104418453543398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704059063125666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427028847005277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717419724068536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421743420565645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757532097272366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751008318065498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973046191506443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941562888135107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943160871719672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995762880313665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494062587884506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405648757542863,0.0,0.17415705719986654,0.1279177193137266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881742988169544,0.0,0.17596718138398176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227831618285344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisTimeBetter,2018/02/05,"Depersonalization Disorder is pushing me to the brink everyday Hello,

My name is Ryan. I am 21.

For the last two years, I have been experiencing chronic depersonalization and derealization.

For someone who has never experienced depersonalization or derealization, it is a very hard thing to explain. It also manifests itself differently person to person.

For me, my worst experiences with it are over but a more intermediate type remains. I am completely emotionally numb- in my head there is no feeling or joy, sorrow, happiness or sadness. No motivation or drive.

If someone were to kick me in the leg, I would appear angry. I might say, ""why the fuck did you do that for?"" with a scowl on my face but in my head there will be no feeling of anger. Between my ears feels like a vacuum, an intense nothingness.

My body or physiology is also numb. My hairs don't stand on end, my nipples don't get hard when it is cold. My sex drive is essentially switched off. In depersonalization terms this is known as autonomic under-arousal.

I'm on a waiting list to go to the only specialist clinic in the Uk which is in London. The problem with this is that the waiting times are very long, up to two years is not unheard of.

Depersonalisation disorder itself can be particularly chronic, lasting years at a time. For some people, it never gets better.

Dealing with this every day and knowing about the long wait to get help is slowly but surely grinding down my psyche. Every new day is a little more pointless, a little more futile.
Every day I deal with this I convince myself a little more that I will be one of the unlucky people who doesn't get better.

I know deep down that I could never cope with this, I'll either get significantly better or I will find myself in a noose. I'm in this limbo between maybe one day getting my life back or realising that it is gone and the end will follow shortly after.

You can pay private to go to the clinic in London. It costs about £5,000 to go private however and that is without accommodation. Somehow I've managed to save £1,200 but with the DP feelings, depression and anxiety I can barely leave the house nevermind get a job. I asked my Dad if he would help me and he won't. 

I've asked my family- grandparents etc, nobody gets it. Nobody really understands what I'm going through. Nobody has heard of Depersonalization Disorder, which is a shame because I truly believe it is one of the most fucked up mental health problem a human can go through.

Every day it seems like the load gets a little heavier, the pressure a bit more crushing. I'm just not sure how to keep fighting or how much longer I will be able to.",5.017434604475259,6.741967800399202,6.392161466540602,72.7164993696817,69.59880239520959,8.467296984977414,29.551475995377665,8.99025400887824,2.582174451097805,2112,82,370,40,38,715,245,501,0.18600000000000005,0.73,0.085,-0.9955,4,0,0,0,2,0,60.0,0,2,0,4,13,25,4,2,33,0,49,18,7,3,5,67,88,26,0,7,19,1,7,2,0,9,8,3,1,3,30,13,0,4,12,0,2,11,14,14,0,5,5,13,37,11,59,69,13,63,0,3,0,3,22,26,2,16,27,263,67,6,0.07142087273658015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423049224758508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463677215595858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353774979915056,0.0,0.0,0.05491824258705534,0.0,0.043537501115645284,0.0,0.0,0.08046686613725408,0.0,0.1894978739395347,0.0779730951844837,0.07933248892711657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488342622533681,0.0,0.0,0.05702375531085185,0.0,0.0,0.2303027720685583,0.14726356742283234,0.061514693033986476,0.0,0.0,0.0746196108518479,0.2455635233110619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033886884199111,0.1265153888129501,0.0,0.07965315235637138,0.0,0.0,0.24070066255020595,0.0,0.0,0.06986331812737392,0.06732924252115106,0.0,0.14445015685091875,0.051023085753577994,0.0,0.0,0.06527738378302937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205489196871498,0.33583012395344125,0.0,0.20295063935428295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602884709382167,0.1279581469658098,0.0,0.14659684070002918,0.07591704792840835,0.0,0.0,0.09574381101589086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824100979880843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087419576960433,0.0634821532791504,0.0,0.0,0.07850208767768037,0.11643508739442973,0.0,0.07562439186811179,0.0,0.0,0.050446674579986174,0.06978526162292728,0.28632990967419225,0.0,0.12641044977615476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717518662816541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197544134992886,0.07576625942658186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250255925232807,0.0,0.16525254003477707,0.06897872394061673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518989525906376,0.05431879206395378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902848085802654,0.12472390248419675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668025921871216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575403991101997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679674462405706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501888015899712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102934740042424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346266546458334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047448854293743126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329217048828813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953562960987853,0.07435164731113922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785939961312734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444622883864091,0.0,0.0,0.06884717265827618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014706776542405,0.0,0.0,0.13797810125119275
suicidewatch,NextClue,2018/02/05,Balding want to end it all. I'm 28 and going bald and can't live with it anymore. Some people say shave your head and lift. Which doesn't feel me. Nor does the jacked up bald guy suit my personality one bit. Plus if I shaved my head being a pale skinny white guy I'd just look like a Neo-Nazi or cancer patient. The only hair style options for balding men is to either shave it or let it grow slightly out. Which makes you look like a 40 something accountant who's idea of fun is to reorganize his stamp collection. I'm terrified of leaving the house without a hat as I know everywhere I go people laugh at me for balding. I've given up on pursing women because no attractive women in her right mind wants to date a balding 20-something when 90% of guys in their 20's have full heads of hair. I can't go on with life like this anymore as I've gone from being considered good looking to ugly. I'm trying rogaine and if I don't see it working a year from now I'll just kill myself as I don't want to go through life as an ugly bald loser. And that's what baldness does to you. People give examples of how bald men are attractive but it's always hypermasculine guys like The Rock or Vin Diesel who are also in their 40's which is of no help for a guy in his 20's.,3.6302422723475374,4.25754283458647,4.945513784461153,85.9265329991646,71.78195488721805,7.7156223893066,26.43191311612365,7.793537801064563,1.3249797827903091,998,31,216,12,18,333,151,266,0.07400000000000001,0.831,0.096,0.4019,0,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,3,2,2,6,11,1,0,12,0,14,18,15,2,1,31,34,20,1,5,10,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,10,14,9,1,0,3,1,1,6,9,2,0,1,2,9,19,9,37,29,5,23,0,1,5,0,23,12,0,7,9,121,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485051005712739,0.0882861741866785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045127918332754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467938820167964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158369672923519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857028553077053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939757420250594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364885174471279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178364096844393,0.24120306130950886,0.08899414065703798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252931292445914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266767864188353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111858698729627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242858645817713,0.0,0.11977734286517185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738722038275795,0.0,0.05831141973513936,0.0,0.0,0.11234772951624077,0.0,0.1084974797179102,0.14988733689496084,0.20734621471617226,0.0,0.093690870030549,0.0,0.2672993265917938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082455911760607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071337572872508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189812121951412,0.08069609298932108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206753279003838,0.09264502440523488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061136014812947,0.0,0.08437734366915559,0.0,0.0,0.08455033316262862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633665063753396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203695463456798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877468494796564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022794807429248,0.0,0.07724422882813227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832683660040972
suicidewatch,usernamesgenerator,2018/02/05,"Talking to a stranger. Sorry If this is the wrong place to post this and I do apologize If It's insensitive. I'm talking with an individual describing that they want to commit suicide and that nothing and no one will change their mind. Out of courtesy I've agreed not to try and stop him/her, but the further the conversation goes I really want him/her to reconsider their position. I wish I could help out more, but I can't and I don't know what to do. Any advice?",1.7592553191489344,4.133155776595746,3.6419574468085116,85.69400000000002,81.65957446808511,7.164255319148936,24.293617021276606,8.238735603445708,1.5965736170212756,369,14,77,8,10,124,63,94,0.098,0.715,0.187,0.7387,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,21,12,9,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,9,0,10,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,1,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250916376828765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566433127988954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367573350326655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391269478311603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439620029187126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265922457421453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325839945483981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102338839575025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608854442510572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066274907045904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060798305919666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756567208488566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578537087073807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925797348273852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519613527067546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37028709541690186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638994737285675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717283099902493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648867585022403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518474059571273,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Afairwarningtoyou,2018/02/05,"I DON'T WANT TO IMPROVE MY LIFE. I'm sick of it. I never got my driver's license, I never got a job, I never have any money. What's the point of living if I can't get a job? Why the fuck should I not just kill myself right now. 'Oh things will get better' you say? No they won't. My life has literally only gone downhill. I'm only 18 but I can tell you now that nothing in my life will improve. I don't want to spend any more time looking for jobs that instantly reject me. A driver's license costs thousands to even get. I'm not going out and begging on the streets. I'm just going to fucking kill myself as soon as I possibly can. I'm done. Fuck this world and fuck being as poor as I am. Nobody seems to understand that no matter how much they think things will get better for me, even if they did. It's not worth what's going on right now. I'll come back in half an hour to check the replies on this. I want convincing. I really do, but I can't find a single reason to live. Don't bring up family or friends. My family is the reason I am poor because their shitty spending habits. They spend literally hundreds per fortnight on cigarettes, all of my friends have jobs. So I don't want to hear them brought up, they don't change anything.",1.2404597701149422,3.149900662835254,3.039454406130272,91.86598620689655,80.68582375478927,5.70856704980843,20.78482758620689,6.742157984588678,0.2975794942528731,967,27,212,10,25,322,133,261,0.163,0.727,0.11,-0.8919,4,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,2,7,2,11,12,6,0,10,0,24,8,0,3,4,31,55,13,2,7,10,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,0,11,4,0,0,6,0,9,7,16,7,0,2,6,3,34,5,26,43,4,31,0,1,1,4,14,14,4,4,10,137,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348227660536446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076397146321758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546651149001134,0.0,0.05982753950987998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360040194684373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382310958673578,0.08454217927742308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004351653578766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296460868275871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504244910174392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970164013334657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165128741760112,0.362929385668952,0.20510430466281745,0.0,0.16733212173484852,0.0,0.15698909860847388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061517692538772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665185722972068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895702453270325,0.0,0.21716311055712995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796557031783486,0.0,0.0,0.1733255178910965,0.0,0.08241606003224156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214697347224899,0.0,0.227083608721077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417160726156602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928553982476234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277759832201814,0.11064236956978556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628734208525693,0.20181631061163688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762850979364716,0.0,0.07804787587607448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934641451442192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578199267856339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040473762686142,0.06288657362178221,0.0,0.0,0.057228429435067035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217113989423124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315509854046092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855949935815256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Terror2601,2018/02/05,What's it like when you get admitted to the hospital in Canada for MH? I'm in Canada and my parents are treating to take me to west north (idk if that's in other places but that's what we have here) and I just don't know what the procedure is if I end up going I don't want it to be like the other posts I've seen.,-0.4081800391389408,1.095806068493154,2.378512720156557,96.58424657534249,84.2054794520548,5.815264187866927,17.277886497064582,6.868970318607317,-0.2698360078277884,245,5,63,3,7,86,49,73,0.02,0.887,0.093,0.595,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,14,6,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,9,12,0,11,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,2,4,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33984784312331634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046949642036227,0.0,0.2180678182858056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087367654049616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749167728427448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260578692812588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008889992061731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674823539874104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28849764568931074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263185529724075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fazakasmate,2018/02/05,"When a simple sorry isn't good enough anymore I fucked up. I was blind. I was blinded by the light at the end of the tunnel and in my blindness I made the tunnel exit collapse. Now there is no way out. And this isn't me overthinking and making a small rock look like a huge boulder. Multiple people confirmed that I am at fault. I am to blame, no one else. Even professionals. I didn't see it. I was so blind. Failures should be removed. And I will make sure that this parasite will not cause any more harm in the future.
A simple sorry is not good enough.
Not anymore.
I was blind, but this is no excuse.
I was not meant to be alive.
As a child I knew something was off. 
I will not let this beast continue.
",0.12137568058076198,2.4629223862068983,1.7904537205081643,95.81860254083486,90.65517241379312,4.431941923774954,17.976406533575314,6.05967700443912,-0.2736896551724137,546,15,119,5,19,177,86,145,0.211,0.72,0.069,-0.9223,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,10,0,21,6,0,4,1,19,29,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,11,3,0,1,10,8,15,4,12,12,3,17,0,0,7,1,2,10,1,0,6,87,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699282386764546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704011955525949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183828452984364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600126392190336,0.0,0.16540040684999496,0.3859144635043631,0.0,0.12334313654464275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264249877499366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132652481321112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909591443582972,0.0,0.09123404490840896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681854492911945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670238399801766,0.2493071220421929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265430657444215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946528621803466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488113762450768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437652208850775,0.0,0.4180908846780527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600470314481872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822927876204048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whiskysuicide,2018/02/05,"It's never getting any better. It's been 390 days today since the phone call that ended my relationship with the love of my life. She kept me around for a couple of months, checking in atleast once a week and that fucked me up even worse because it gave me hope, you know? Our relationship wasn't very good, alot of abuse, cheating and so on from her but i kept telling myself it was gonna get better but it didn't... But that doesn't matter, the love i feel is real and no matter what friends and family tell me it just doesn't get any better.

Soon it's Valentine's Day, i bought her a gift last Valentine's even though we were on a ""break"" and i thought if i showed her that i really cared and how much i loved her she would come back... A month went by and she was over me. She had me around so she could move on, giving me false hope that it would be us once again, but as soon as she was over me she turned and told me to fuck off and never contact her again and since that day i haven't heard a word from her... I see her sometimes when out and everytime it's like a knife in my back and i can't handle it so i just go home and drink and drug myself unconscious. 

I can't see myself with anyone else ever again and it kills me because deep down i know she wasn't good for me but i just keep thinking that maybe if i did some things different everything would be as good as they were when everything was good and i'm willing to do whatever it takes for a chance with her again... I pray to Gods i don't believe in, i wish and hope and nothing helps... I just can't take it anymore. 

I love her. 

I'm sorry.",2.0865748839218234,3.2981965539358598,3.056572724327829,95.77514307310229,76.17201166180756,6.247662239498975,20.283878630817405,6.605766666666668,-0.06371042004103168,1250,26,300,10,27,398,162,343,0.133,0.722,0.145,0.9117,2,1,2,0,1,1,35.0,3,1,1,3,24,21,4,0,12,0,28,9,0,1,3,63,66,36,1,10,11,0,1,1,1,5,2,1,1,0,22,26,1,3,5,2,2,4,13,4,0,0,20,4,59,17,33,38,3,42,1,0,2,6,39,15,2,7,23,206,81,0,0.0,0.10141365919298524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641229335582333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488521501214141,0.0598485865029942,0.08770010057516132,0.0,0.15239175910297342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316314030227253,0.0,0.1043533457370079,0.0,0.0,0.09643395334162776,0.0,0.2271000476475913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739998018008567,0.0,0.08726772534800016,0.0,0.0,0.07373075456362466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833901235362239,0.09470698023495804,0.0,0.1656011313145301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942642377774948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384851344829049,0.09926065753654956,0.0,0.07150193352060208,0.0,0.07580995562182995,0.0,0.0,0.11306668327831824,0.07742373097366735,0.0,0.0,0.1538508635136704,0.0,0.08068942340486912,0.0,0.043278371442326886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612890717634258,0.15825862124322218,0.13415636380817375,0.08210856481227266,0.04864445063080052,0.2871652496029833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057371155653727066,0.0,0.08585671588944316,0.2550393611114198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607895399959412,0.09469592658724447,0.0,0.0940793027457666,0.06976968486613135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045683765524953,0.04181639590511524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090039461606022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859896309790084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663896524821514,0.0909717688391948,0.06292067272284388,0.0,0.13202913199176794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212875183971978,0.0,0.0,0.182307414044256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742352510537068,0.05483304075051481,0.0,0.0,0.1837896096548403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641301184215385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416067590186864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465362425779878,0.0958143090968333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871050477005974,0.0,0.1496240362436654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686415814021738,0.054844511517023985,0.08409464684409379,0.06795124797794892,0.0,0.0,0.08113211624375792,0.08178773955774582,0.0,0.0,0.09310055987582336,0.0,0.0,0.10295778992155842,0.0,0.0,0.07062315452783978,0.0,0.0,0.06865750817367866,0.0,0.0,0.07934552976279707,0.0,0.0,0.09842767777908416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872265368082666,0.18240834515218074,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeofIllusions,2018/02/05,"I don't see any point in continuing Honestly, I don't want to blame anyone else but myself. I just don't see the point of living anymore.

I strongly believe I will never hold a job, or get laid, or have a girlfriend or kids. I am just deadweight and a parasite to my family. I have no friends, also.

I just want to die, but the feeling is more akin to wanting to sleep forever. I am probably the most useless person to ever have existed, and I feel humiliated and inferior.",3.650345864661652,4.857659778947369,6.098646616541357,75.51052631578948,72.26315789473685,9.218045112781953,31.46616541353384,9.606745405546679,3.104353383458647,369,17,71,9,7,132,60,95,0.213,0.667,0.12,-0.8838,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,10,1,1,0,2,20,18,9,1,3,8,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,12,3,8,17,2,6,0,2,2,0,4,3,0,4,3,53,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058600184727892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365562552472313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914747409852046,0.1404095498695895,0.20575141978766812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262417338823121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840689252571992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677492299660373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164223836252094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893038128636101,0.0,0.20306901159652288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514368229120326,0.0,0.10491383759750764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992708515711172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731705110162865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487542877649504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533770922842612,0.0,0.0,0.37965673705560543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650487536038007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200357887843108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095291701836512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35532509936666384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheoWallcot,2018/02/05,"So I wanted to kill myself like always. (but something has happened) So a little background i have Body dysmorphic disorder, its basically that you always feeling ugly, you always finding something that you think is making you ugly (acne, nose, ears, big forehead) but only you see these things other people would never say that there is something wrong. But nowadays a lot more people have this, because of this ''perfect, flawless, people on instagram and tv'' but in reality they have a lot of flaws: acne (covered with makeup) and other stuff, but photoshop, filters on instagram, good lighting, and a lot of other stuff can change a lot of stuff. You need to ask yourself, who would post a photo in which someone is looking ''bad''. That is why i deleted instagram because all I was doing for a lot of years was compering myself to others, and wanted to look like someone else and when i didn't, i thought that i am fucking ugly. I still got these feelings, but i want it to change, and it's not that i am ugly or anything, because a lot of people are saying that i am handsome, it's just that voice in my head that saying that i am not enough, i regretted a lot of women's because i was feeling not enough.




Ok so today was feeling like shit, praying to god to let me die (like i said i am not cure, I still have bad days, I am starting my recovery) so i was at home i started watching some porn (don't watch this shit that will fuck you up even more, search nofap that will help) but for a couple of days before i started to pray again, because I stopped believing in god for couple of years (i don't know who is up there, jesus, budda, zeus) I know that there is God, he help me a lot of times in my life, so i was about to fap and feel even worse then i felt, but something told my to close laptop and go outside, its snowing, I am from poland, and trust me i would never do that, i would fap and cry myself to sleep, but I did it, I go out, I put my headphones, turned on calm-happy playlist on spotify, and when I started to feel that air, that snow that was falling down, that beautiful stars on the sky, i started to feel alive, my depression was gone, It was just my and this beautiful moment, it was wonderful, I forgot about how i look or how i think i look, then my little sister come to me and we were sliding on ice. I will tell you something for most of my live the most important thing for my was how i look, I preferred to be Handsome and sad, then Beautiful and happy because I am beautiful no matter what. 




Life is wonderful, so if you like me and you think that you ugly, because your feature is different then someone else, that doesn't mean that you better or worse, but in nowadays it's really hard because of social media I am gonna fight. ",6.4208177878273975,5.588065896174864,6.8601344136674856,79.59704918032787,65.81238615664846,9.248187927893976,32.95653539350543,8.216663640201805,2.406480258777715,2143,77,422,23,29,701,229,549,0.14,0.6890000000000001,0.171,0.9543,1,0,5,0,1,1,77.0,1,13,1,2,23,26,6,0,13,1,52,13,8,4,4,91,99,45,2,11,20,1,9,5,0,8,2,6,1,1,49,21,0,2,19,1,0,7,11,12,0,0,21,25,76,14,53,68,16,55,3,3,8,3,31,23,4,17,29,321,125,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474123806931318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048596213973155285,0.0,0.05520729529117477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861484827991264,0.28798899893957264,0.0,0.05025040148549256,0.06653336673227478,0.0,0.052228253056356616,0.0,0.06559541626200201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494209874592906,0.05086958651845909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068372766500955,0.06486778401032654,0.07616958148890952,0.0,0.050862918211234766,0.0,0.061288481006605125,0.061698611770927426,0.0676807268085393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866368016957312,0.0,0.0,0.12203664330267278,0.0,0.07800890498710865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901549312025092,0.04218801898491525,0.0567008718658987,0.0,0.05397406812328913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918850177610834,0.0,0.0,0.06712322706181102,0.049531493324024525,0.047230687701537134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052221046229045116,0.12572765434401195,0.05290057092528554,0.0,0.06060619626624336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916498301052459,0.0,0.05923573769152106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533423751032706,0.0,0.0649088058157913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060386472105297614,0.08342283628963207,0.1442534246377326,0.1183747659209028,0.052145553282256334,0.0,0.24795143277316875,0.0,0.0,0.4016431696710723,0.0,0.0,0.039418844333020224,0.0,0.0,0.06432685843088523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378761585342635,0.09109180277026206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044913046653025035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376177053120589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565571795091219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936534102339824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037831351747817786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617365032162151,0.1408857640668904,0.0,0.0,0.04705820216555567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123567502204838,0.0,0.0,0.05909640937802482,0.0601978729906345,0.1501081813393541,0.2273123533796215,0.0,0.0,0.208992781539184,0.0,0.0943208203660234,0.049371588831075466,0.0,0.0,0.2028072851414369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161559041397134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784653901735662,0.11351779756724314,0.0,0.046882090228287085,0.03443472320378313,0.0,0.055976060886859184,0.056428399766229334,0.0,0.0,0.06423353475154442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449431561394386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532868344906034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280825704722389,0.0,0.0,0.12036165605886184,0.16780039121758208,0.06456601773926672,0.0,0.07605737245033478
suicidewatch,MegFrem,2018/02/05,"Nothing left in life So much pain that I can't express. The voice talk so much. Everyone is walking away from me... My few friends left aren't talking to me. I want to get my blades and just cut away the pain. I want to feel happiness and joy, but all I feel is heavy sadness.
I should end it all. There isn't anything stopping me besides my fear. I'm too weak to actually succeed in ending my life. This time I'll try harder and get it done. ",0.1179178885630492,2.3223031182795744,1.7911436950146644,97.2794428152493,87.70967741935482,4.672140762463343,22.43304007820137,6.11248444174946,0.19806236559139773,342,13,79,3,11,111,60,93,0.17600000000000002,0.679,0.146,-0.728,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,1,1,2,0,7,5,0,0,2,13,14,6,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,3,12,4,9,12,5,11,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.16454152681919115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875376249628898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168340835153303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254918038161482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986813461071196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111651791504086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897359966040887,0.1705111437368507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302696384004689,0.0,0.17618619701677365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949119554561727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663960593535812,0.0,0.2381920620337338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478992511296617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178828989131747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35883128400275005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409676423458773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710487626271299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831933425271626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144768538990244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989041019933324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hatingeverysecond,2018/02/05,"EVERYONE HERE HATES ME EVERYONE HATES ME
I AM TREATED LIKE I'M NOT HUMAN
I'M A WALKING JOKE TO EVERYONE
NO ONE RESPECTS ME
EVEN MY OWN FAMILY
EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD HATES ME
I FIT IN NOWHERE IM UGLY 
I HAVE NO HOME 
THE WORLD IS DESIGNED TO MAKE ME FAIL HATE MYSELF AND KILL MYSELF
I AM MOVING TO ASIA 
IF EVERYONE STILL HATES ME I WILL KILL MYSELF
FINALLY END THIS HUMILIATING EXISTENCE",-0.8549181253529063,-1.042797259740258,1.9598080180688875,86.97461885940149,138.48051948051952,5.494974590626764,18.932241671372108,6.498293943080001,1.2533279503105588,309,12,58,8,23,106,51,77,0.341,0.539,0.12,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,7,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,13,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,8,0,1,0,0,15,4,5,12,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,39,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168730801111922,0.0,0.0,0.09074520754581772,0.0,0.11575752142505068,0.5251304936646459,0.0,0.0,0.12951964736779922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050470661534412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6782239569238813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781399218037996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484054439823718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400472580417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712211617434835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170930449048938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460244840436726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309943857561437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972032515289157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoistWhimper,2018/02/05,"Do you ever feel like you're just that one person the world won't ever care about? Even on the internet with billions of people constantly surrounding me, I feel like a voiceless face. How many times have I posted a comment, or asked for help, tried to reach out, only to be completely ignored? What is it about ME that the world seems to inherently hate? If I was dead, no one would notice but my grandmother. It would be such a quiet death, no one would ever know my name, or why I did what I did, they wouldn't know I existed. ",4.4926549865229095,5.154549801886791,5.23269541778976,84.51783018867927,69.84905660377359,8.698652291105121,25.52021563342318,8.841846274778883,1.6276404312668462,413,11,86,7,7,134,72,106,0.175,0.7659999999999999,0.059,-0.926,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,9,5,1,0,6,0,13,1,1,1,3,22,21,5,2,5,5,0,2,2,0,5,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,3,3,12,3,10,11,0,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,7,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844529805203109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728009279146657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770146352288235,0.1831527297026851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119430333998888,0.4599257916319148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713930943896439,0.2421597800448015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673310340365934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360200913874215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628869661956612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560330833961698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718308649343231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929594327372525,0.0,0.0,0.3445416185770095,0.12890073722740242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749933774374326,0.14798748618307722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623194745738169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542924882483997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882788049272154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150689731811622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529335630116004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611911640412405,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orionut,2018/02/05,"Everyone is better, I'm still depressed I've met up with several friends this week but instead of making me feel better, I just end up feeling more miserable after. Life seems to be going great for them. I can't pretend that I'm happy so I end up ranting about all my stupid problems. They try to comfort me but it's so obvious that they don't know what to say. It's always the same old shit with me. They must hate spending time with such a negative downer. I always turn the night into some awkward venting session. They're my only friends, and I know that I should be grateful that they even make time for me but it's upsetting how we all used to be in the same boat, and had the same issues but now they've all taken control and risen above. And I'm still stuck where we used to be.

I'm so tired. I just don't want to wake up tomorrow. I'm gonna fuck up. I know I'm gonna fuck this up. I don't want to deal with myself tomorrow. I keep reminding myself of all the problems I need to deal with but I don't have the emotional strength to. I just want to curl into a ball and cry again tonight. Same shit for months. I wake up, accomplish nothing, go back to sleep feeling like crap. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I'm so tired. I don't know how to pull myself out of this, it feels like I'm spiraling downwards.",1.3143296703296699,3.123256542857145,2.938571428571432,93.17565934065935,80.0,6.164835164835164,22.91208791208791,7.1686216300943375,0.6778296703296705,1032,34,233,13,26,340,132,280,0.245,0.606,0.149,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,2,0,5,5,19,23,7,3,8,0,16,12,7,7,6,59,54,16,0,9,8,0,4,2,2,4,3,1,0,0,12,15,0,2,9,2,1,3,8,13,0,0,4,5,32,10,38,42,10,35,0,2,0,2,13,14,5,2,20,145,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319809376354174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464811533799446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472142751243554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346902524707234,0.0,0.0,0.12092255400950855,0.0,0.2269843835685789,0.0948155400761052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383014305457422,0.19500422300101206,0.0,0.0,0.07270971384674238,0.0,0.0,0.10519037026632133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264793922211315,0.15728864742613874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701018824777602,0.20354252430045847,0.0,0.0,0.12512701294655326,0.0,0.0,0.12136844944281686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718690028383225,0.0,0.10868556294180516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489952206281133,0.0,0.0978480807021377,0.0,0.0,0.24199804869866445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775587358783156,0.1075633632191653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469643955185283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786832491634461,0.0,0.0,0.08162619432383637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033067604289684,0.0,0.10562895933113922,0.0,0.1155150689482978,0.0,0.0,0.08372415356084026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067182418360206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754354042081129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021671138004147,0.0,0.12436404777421305,0.22600012755791185,0.0,0.0,0.11016391054216716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582710229651027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838220820828627,0.2530516679164055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474008751177083,0.11974022534789805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901551683183949,0.0,0.0,0.2597225462283349,0.0,0.0883030726292797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NecessaryNorth,2018/02/05,"Reasons to carry on? Hey!

For the last 3-5 months I've been thinking about meaning in my life, mostly in the conclusion that I can't find any. I can't even think about things in the future that I might want to have. This only deepens my depression and puts suicidal thoughts in my head every day now. 

I don't want to die, but I don't really see the point in living either. It's mostly suffering nowadays anyway. I mean I have my happy moments too, but they are scarce. I have a very good life objectively, but my brain must be broken. I couldn't even kill myself because then there would be even more suffering in the world.

Do I have to continue suffering life, just because if I choose not to, my loved ones will suffer instead? 

You guys know being depressed is such a heavy burden to carry. Sometimes it might even bee too heavy.",3.6419720279720273,5.2449391272727315,4.449696969696972,85.76685314685317,72.87878787878788,7.258741258741258,24.813519813519807,7.882392219407189,1.3181841491841486,656,20,129,9,13,211,104,165,0.213,0.687,0.101,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,1,1,14,11,1,0,7,0,21,6,2,1,1,27,31,6,3,6,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,1,20,3,16,20,4,18,0,6,1,1,5,9,0,5,8,94,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548564363190552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711889027455968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674732675981148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905547581726463,0.0,0.2418749935888293,0.0,0.14572650834716852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37096580489675457,0.0,0.1183039944192523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833492296948046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777174856973995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903092919615365,0.0,0.14947223172538746,0.0,0.0,0.144104230044974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534616214225452,0.0,0.07716730352233929,0.11445532208655718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29753352789724163,0.0,0.0,0.12398723676697902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672819954572187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059018046495642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979119720703001,0.0,0.0,0.11207630367734472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514747142211613,0.10679040107509694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273565473551827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411538305745644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995215260219766,0.14436793261431574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111890968385112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388720308657171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358901381546675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328414694157393,0.17994194018233473,0.0,0.11147222448291542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158554164858564,0.1656384310879555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974535471352193,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rage9000,2018/02/05,"my will to live diagnosed with incurable diseases that will leave you crippled and in pain 
already in pain for 3yrs now ill go to sleep in pain wake up in even more 
i won't be able to work soon so much pain
 i'll save myself from more pain soon  ",4.808589743589742,4.428604730769231,4.785384615384615,91.62628205128206,69.0,8.471794871794872,26.948717948717945,7.793537801064563,1.1217871794871788,194,5,46,2,3,60,39,52,0.317,0.634,0.049,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,11,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,29,5,1,0.16600837395280538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831943687166449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849500511327814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964696533356487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943463845818583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577889829908194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658843561472834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203525602363202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8832230717320759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612826321510998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085607338783365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nofapsamurai,2018/02/05,I'm just tired I'm just sick and tired of living a life. Like what is the point? We all gonna die in the end anyway. I'm not planning to suicide but I just want to know why we struggle and live knowing that nothing really matters in the end.,-0.2172955974842772,1.8174631509433965,1.8814150943396264,97.30690251572331,87.30188679245283,4.2880503144654085,20.154088050314463,5.46131890053228,-0.2793874213836478,189,6,44,1,6,63,38,53,0.229,0.674,0.097,-0.75,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,14,8,3,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306893165159257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937444014032816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24431618802717756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700141991935776,0.10859373046355564,0.0,0.3925508300566977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132815932015746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012441604160328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239688330074796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323730718879697,0.0,0.24313589218123566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109513833827587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311052357249221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057118770180904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blueberrythyme,2018/02/05,I'm really tired. Why can't I just be done? Is it really so bad to be done with life?,-3.5757142857142834,-2.1080123809523776,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,101.38095238095238,6.609523809523811,7.0,7.793537801064563,-0.8203142857142858,64,0,19,2,3,25,17,21,0.344,0.6559999999999999,0.0,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758500061449718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6761783266026214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333542088693093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42329441434566784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797183996845554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981127868281311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ATS2010,2018/02/05,"Mental illness treatment in America is a joke. The common theme here is when someone admits themselves to a hospital because they’re suicidal, they get handcuffed, stripped searched, medicated, and thrown back out if you show “improvement” (paraphrasing a lot here) and after that you get thrown a huge medical bill and an even larger one if you’re uninsured, which is in my case. Can’t see a therapist because if they see you as a risk to yourself, they notify the authorities. If you contact a help line, they do the same thing. Can’t tell your friends or family because they’ll do the same thing. 

So with all that, here I am. Unemployed, un-hirable, penniless and can’t get help. I’m at the end of the line. 

I guess the only reason why I’m posting on this throw away account is because I’m looking for an answer that isn’t your typical “Find the small things,” or “Things will get better,” or “Jesus, man” or whatever cliché answer that’s common in this subreddit. Something needs to hit home. I’m all ears for now.",5.527053925455989,6.5542769948453605,5.80113402061856,80.05096352101508,67.71134020618557,9.26819984139572,32.44885011895322,9.466822959209583,2.9607570182394927,803,34,150,16,13,256,115,194,0.049,0.841,0.11,0.8689,2,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,6,5,1,8,4,0,1,17,0,13,4,1,1,2,26,28,15,1,5,8,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,1,11,6,0,0,5,2,2,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,14,3,16,25,5,18,1,0,3,0,18,9,0,10,7,96,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970436378723464,0.11433769936108786,0.0,0.36257370804265504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150913017484206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131700121937768,0.0,0.0,0.09821200825611344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401769307783291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359050386623553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148818129136036,0.0,0.31074915033413403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380491217978005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993349853150629,0.0,0.14915376033487546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486681189363118,0.0,0.0,0.12641563902949798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29959024569925546,0.14985014062320953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025586605587928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075995280975222,0.11308966609448096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424092334538036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288379039444186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369822030120876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598925680298573,0.1144730988367302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264879720750675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996646453937133,0.0,0.0,0.17264699401635542,0.3951468642621732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417460557350824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,risconfused,2018/02/05,What’s the point I grew up severely isolated to the point of abuse by my parents. I’m now two years out of their house and still can’t make friends. I’m completely alone. Anyone I let close to me ends up hating me. I genuinely don’t see the point in life without people to share it with and it’s exhausting crying myself to sleep just to wake up and cry more. I want to kill myself every single day. ,2.2885714285714265,3.853028809523813,3.6995238095238094,89.91214285714287,76.38095238095238,7.180952380952381,21.523809523809533,7.957251820313856,0.8323523809523811,316,8,69,5,7,104,59,84,0.315,0.637,0.048,-0.9775,1,1,0,0,1,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,3,0,3,4,2,1,0,10,9,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,10,2,16,8,2,15,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,5,44,13,0,0.0,0.2066565697190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064423715838385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195697983548533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287374285262487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38317952233082864,0.1124850505391596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448239915637774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695451746293547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475475813692625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722014657787634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012547212060309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929674514322137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835401570730616,0.12319644893316906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642523459684888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367032381647487,0.0,0.0,0.12091933994193638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946435880091607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898840312376515,0.0,0.0,0.19704246578146264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745437605309115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929027885379588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703808448298685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287613631872006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813253323844207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231934345336092
suicidewatch,That_Adorable_Foxxo,2018/02/05,"I just want the pain to stop, please. I'm thinking of ending ""it"" later night, because I don't want it to hurt anymore. It's been like this for the past 2 months, and I don't want to live life with my under achieving self. I have no real talents that could be used in real life. I don't have musical talents, I don't do much crap at all. I'm useless and of no actual use in the real world.",2.1121317829457382,2.5777049418604685,4.132558139534884,90.96341085271321,75.16279069767441,6.663565891472868,23.635658914728683,6.42735559955562,0.4783937984496127,299,8,71,2,6,103,54,86,0.177,0.637,0.18600000000000005,-0.2996,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,3,0,10,4,1,2,1,16,18,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,11,15,2,11,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,7,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.16944245965034352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219900556476128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584612621113253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386332115302825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378884259314873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858795809425267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245286704459313,0.0848291635961958,0.0,0.15332265702888598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385935933234968,0.0,0.12764151296300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294444165279734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847596060893773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657540070216882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905988035741527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929030446359413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113890270848948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516641793680898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112581306717053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999293327984961,0.0,0.0,0.30724280606677346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,J_H_C,2018/02/05,"Thinking of killing myself comforts me because if everything gets too much to handle, I always have a choice to way out. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but lately I've been thinking about suicide a lot and it really makes me feel better that I can always make the choice when I want to. And that I don't need to deal with any consequences that come after, although it might sound selfish.",7.52348101265823,6.518223848101268,7.049208860759497,79.70014240506332,63.68354430379746,9.418987341772151,32.40822784810126,8.07648339933343,2.2788455696202528,320,10,61,3,4,100,58,79,0.157,0.755,0.08800000000000001,-0.8294,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,19,17,7,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,8,2,9,15,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385201605868485,0.0,0.0,0.13833122270648068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223460271345345,0.2084257906845288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400173120195912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990669978338011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522660426734782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097150368701976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992964582443051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281899145516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057085163699453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062775147679412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250518898394572,0.0,0.11179321878331548,0.0,0.2294643762178213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293871831231095,0.0,0.0,0.2715662032799063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579436336130786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953564336476327,0.15083187735710735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031478640401792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250628751353874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26068409506202994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998121302878195,0.3229274969650771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nasrulhan,2018/02/05,"Numb I never would've thought that I'd find myself posting on here.

I've experienced depression when I was younger. I've tried overdosing on sleeping pills, but I did it wrongly and woke up feeling the worst. I'd usually find myself seated or standing on a ledge and ready to jump, but I never had the courage and strength to do it. I was apprehended by the police last time I tried.

I've had a few relapses over the years. Each time felt easier to control than the last.

Since recently, I realized that I've never really healed. I feel so at peace with myself and the world around me, but at the same time, I've never felt so alone. I find it difficult to have any significant feelings about anything. I have weird dreams and nightmares about jumping off the ledge on occasion.

I spend a lot of time staying awake in bed all night, hurting over the insignificance of my own self. I drown in calmness yet feel that I am constantly surrounded by the noise and static in my own being and mind.

I feel so torn apart. I don't think I can do this anymore.",3.9697644927536224,5.545280792270532,4.732919685990339,84.17300271739131,71.9951690821256,8.266787439613527,28.396437198067627,8.841846274778883,2.166507487922706,832,32,166,16,16,268,118,207,0.152,0.7240000000000001,0.124,-0.7524,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,0,0,13,0,13,4,1,1,5,36,23,15,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,7,10,0,1,13,1,1,2,5,7,0,0,9,8,22,3,26,13,8,39,0,2,0,0,1,17,0,2,17,110,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533881401736975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886277423551754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959345581314338,0.0,0.0,0.10753353546280847,0.11632752945712405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121212867568222,0.14656195828896454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254929081987937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33036340406122433,0.0,0.25093498925376845,0.0,0.35830089799673986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988917752711144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130334374838461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109432839016384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319434492864919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031352569555379,0.0,0.0,0.122628659962775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514953267306356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371308528329388,0.0,0.12902477150686806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632143987826664,0.0,0.0,0.10809485058797184,0.0,0.13076833181051753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928105531739346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373059759415434,0.0,0.10374052832426373,0.30478814920285724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774380832195556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391890616567787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282703241880458,0.1428714624166628,0.0,0.0841497463373799
suicidewatch,Ohelpls,2018/02/05,"help me figure this out? I have very repetitive thoughts almost all the time and they cause me so much pain. Its a very hard to explain type of pain. I don't know what to do, it's been getting worse and worse. i almost can't do anything at certain points and i know i look insane during those times. My mind is just overloaded or something. 

Has anyone experienced this? I need a way to help myself. I also have a less intense version where i have to count or look at things at certain intervals. Honestly i just want to die all the time i've tried to kill myself once before already. I feel like cutting again but i mainly just want this to end. I have no friends to talk to this about and i wont speak to my dad about this. Thx  if you read the whole thing. maybe you can direct somewhere better for help?",1.2762872628726285,3.610749609756102,2.281626016260166,94.93234417344178,83.39024390243901,4.863956639566396,20.08672086720868,6.139981653823899,-0.029914905149051037,632,18,135,5,18,199,103,164,0.133,0.6920000000000001,0.175,0.8011,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,2,1,1,9,10,2,0,6,0,13,2,0,1,4,29,24,10,2,4,7,1,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,6,22,6,18,21,7,13,0,0,2,0,11,6,0,5,7,92,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793204654445179,0.0,0.1539099070601228,0.11153504628476678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752148670107323,0.0,0.11477289128026108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867969528798746,0.0,0.0,0.1233509181004615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327531329361207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474905743046532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353006162665793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052081547232257,0.09963823352494144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775508192547804,0.0,0.07286793118791879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493877565905614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804537610673679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430418803394386,0.0,0.15329941787528284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813856993838087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342413164299607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011753900871202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082612549588044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252735957024503,0.10341610720010648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853224690055536,0.0,0.0,0.2968143220469831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318453391102283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950891541263782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737172256057397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210164540757912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853168993911493,0.0,0.0,0.11072453190972764,0.2439802869036389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946917710214198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301566478844074,0.1645274222663999,0.11070572490765597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557145833299222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842660803326565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MacyTsavida,2018/02/05,"I'm going to kill myself tonight. Dear redditors, I am a average looking, 19y/o girl from Belgium. I have loads of issues and need to talk with somebody before I lose control and kill myself. I will explain to you what made up my decision and why I need someone to talk to.

    I have a boyfriend, he is my first love and sadly even my last. He has been with his ex for 5years, she cheated on him but he always wants her back. He tells me that he loves me now, not her anymore but he wants me to dress up like her style, wear more make specific make up, gain alot of weight because he has a fetish. I tried several times to leave him but I don't have the courage as he is the only guy that ever showed interest in me. I'm a 5'8 girl with green eyes, long brown hair, elegant style, good hygiene and have no physical problems. I just don't know why I have never been flirted with. I don't understand.

    I go to uni where I study social work, aside from not going to find any work later, I can't do anything else besides languages but that's very boring to me. I hate what I study, I've done my 1st year, 2 times because I failed every exam that was given. I always fail at everything I do, I study hard but can't seem to get any decent grades. Am I not made to study? Should I just stop and sell my body?

    Ever since I left high school, I haven't been able to make friends. I feel like every time I try to talk to someone after my courses, they just send me off. My ethnicity plays a part of it, I'm in a course full of belgians who only seem to want to stay together and not make any outsider friends. I used to be a very social person but I'm a loner now. I feel so alone, why doesn't anyone want to talk with me?

    I have loving parents, I love them very much. I hate my outside family because they only call when they need money, I guess life in Russia is soo hard that you can't even wish me happy birthday ever once in a while?

    I have always been depressed and going to a psychologist never did it for me, I just want to dissapear. I was thinking about drinking white spirit or any other paint dissolvant to get the deed done.
After drinking the poison I will lay in the tramstation at De Wand, Brussels.

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suicidewatch,thejailers,2018/02/05,"I honestly have no reason to live Not to sound dramatic but what is the point? All I do everyday is hurt. I'm alone, nobody wants anything to do with me. Plus not to be dramatic but I'm worth nothing. In a world where women are mostly valued on their looks, what's the point when you're hideous? On top of that I don't have any redeeming qualities - my personality is shit, I'm not the brightest (fucking up my uni course), I don't have any interests or talents. I wish I had easy access to a painless death (heroin) but I don't. I'm too cowardly to die through a painful death but at least the prolonged agony of my life will be over. Plus everyone I meet just uses me and likes to see me hurt even more. Fuck this.",2.0202806652806657,3.7689407162162176,3.5999999999999983,89.5296153846154,77.64864864864866,7.256548856548858,24.8981288981289,8.139509932561175,1.3710076923076921,558,20,123,10,13,185,94,148,0.28300000000000003,0.5529999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.9812,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,5,10,3,0,7,0,16,5,1,2,1,19,27,9,3,2,9,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,1,3,15,4,19,23,4,13,0,2,2,2,4,11,3,2,3,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964200603887732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25793681743677943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606567622731127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968266136642724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526194443141625,0.0,0.0,0.18121856926563032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506564806745768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060481968474256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339553052994385,0.09265334240494323,0.0,0.167464301637534,0.0,0.15925811853841734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819741563276458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018008232061503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559494331898292,0.0,0.0,0.3585608374265248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499164304748648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112638501151368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946728567748344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379658828978166,0.0,0.0,0.11186040156138376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808798041998007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,timewaster_,2018/02/05,"come on cancer, if you're not already there, start to multiply. i'm ready, come on mate. 

Do I have the choice to just not treat myself for cancer?",1.311,3.3879067666666667,2.4700000000000024,95.165,81.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,16.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.41833333333333256,113,2,25,1,3,36,24,30,0.302,0.629,0.068,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5097303389619521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7957909526219705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269430244962417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OkMistake,2018/02/05,"I wish I could kill myself. For about a year I've wanted to die. Recently my mind has been filled with death and how much better it would be. I sometimes even pray for illness. 

I can't die because it'll break my mothers heart. I also have a dog, but I know he'll be taken care of if I do leave. But I don't know how long it'll take to find my body. 

I can never sleep anymore. I have nightmares that seem too real. 

Everything I love leaves me. My boyfriend of 4 years has left and gone no contact. My friend is busy with school and traveling, we haven't talked in weeks. 

I have no one to turn to. My mother is the only person in my life. I live miles away from her. 

I wish I could describe to you how hopeless and alone I feel. I think about how to kill myself almost every few hours. There are so many good options. I even started my letter. ",0.2194382022471899,2.346148528089888,1.7360561797752825,98.46779213483148,86.19101123595507,4.234157303370787,17.326966292134834,5.341637118332708,-0.7234368539325842,650,15,150,3,20,209,114,178,0.168,0.687,0.145,-0.3253,0,1,0,0,0,3,21.0,1,1,0,1,12,8,2,0,3,0,21,6,3,4,1,31,37,13,5,7,3,2,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,6,1,0,3,6,3,0,1,3,1,32,5,18,26,2,17,1,1,0,1,12,5,0,4,8,99,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887071256497076,0.13329051085203722,0.0,0.10291835127662673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276321065307832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091437110729455,0.0,0.0,0.07845204455242531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382138208778934,0.0,0.1429525304916594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312144125066062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550698030695846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671327952212253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700053297054915,0.0,0.10843214825322876,0.0,0.11566389858953124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507269509320081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762604856923432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943040992813652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794431552074332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250568574981935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673989055171675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284766683773745,0.0,0.1414561957423564,0.0,0.0,0.2725415105624968,0.13982886121778507,0.0,0.09090197324734813,0.0,0.0,0.1136411539155722,0.11389213877237507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161533977653273,0.0,0.0,0.1304778062534099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994653371736528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946065578416912,0.0,0.0992584882840309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720791531857007,0.09787930372292036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237260871325423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648451715737032,0.0,0.0,0.12707202905229092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024748417857565,0.0,0.11716024007518057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878920121211898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272838902268535,0.0,0.09109187403030004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676356980478552,0.103441177504768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246336580013787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998457298420033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590838755837725,0.0,0.10323237558045514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959886914130054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142212942986998,0.0,0.0,0.16575234176263984
suicidewatch,allysinlife,2018/02/05,"My life is ruined and time keeps marching on On dec 26 I thought I might be pregnant with my loving boyfriend. I lost my shit because I didn’t want to be seen as someone who messed up. Lost my mind, self harmed a lot. 

When my period came, I was happy for exactly thirty minutes before I realized I had put my bf trough hell and thought he might break up with me. Couldn’t function, couldn’t breathe 

Two weeks later my coworkers started talking about new jobs. All the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks that I have literally no job prospects I like, and that I gave up on my dream three years ago for this job and now I am far too old to go back and my earning potential is minimal and I am looking for vocational careers. I pushed everything down for years, everything everything everything that’s why the pregnancy scare was so bad, now I can’t run away from the truth anymore. 

My boyfriend of five years is not sure he can put up with me anymore. I don’t blame him. We were looking at rings before December. Now, I’m pressuring him to do it now, and he says he will but what a horrid way to start a marriage.What’s worse is for the first time in my life I have second thoughts, about literally every decision I’ve ever made.  

I am not suicidal right now, but I made a half hearted attempt last week. Now I have a plan, but I feel like I’m too much of a chicken shit to even do that. 

My life feels over already. Might as well go out with just a little bit of dignity. 

I was never a loser in my young life, never. Now, when it counts, I am going to be a total and complete loser. ",2.6967767815007093,4.132406294478528,3.995705521472392,88.74772534214253,75.01226993865029,7.346672958942897,26.34214252005663,8.012643519586192,1.451308069844266,1236,45,268,19,26,406,177,326,0.119,0.773,0.108,-0.3633,3,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,1,0,0,8,20,21,3,2,14,0,31,9,4,2,8,47,56,16,1,3,6,0,2,3,1,4,4,2,0,1,10,15,0,1,7,1,0,8,10,13,1,6,16,7,41,8,38,30,6,59,1,5,3,1,14,17,3,4,35,178,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995404701063473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995344440205984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890203611238634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474289022694452,0.06935579421495068,0.07531058494278868,0.05498314996557478,0.0,0.15350171685061684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847157682340864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316114401157404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945696594562746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957415508717327,0.08158819596925998,0.07599471884397692,0.0,0.3242523770047305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121245401278642,0.06443663287526698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672137692689945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153782810036599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601620199481664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688367700323892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685193064483878,0.08017108617726414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352245429127506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25483475189155386,0.13219684433685064,0.09040091851750882,0.0,0.0,0.15148523992286916,0.0,0.19692098799752167,0.07668211880311117,0.08140615996405684,0.17069284150660535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870537466068797,0.0910730853689094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066305047716895,0.0,0.13913071043113814,0.08711265979153797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464639961225386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181345451959122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702759939649417,0.0,0.07172813889630371,0.09030276109502963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409496415914202,0.0,0.18517149822972656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642348076750137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768356004046036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866069171820492,0.0,0.08500944418116257,0.0,0.0,0.07249679479748464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481862214569286,0.10518899301894148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810919611580396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053200426841370316,0.07159404478281191,0.14470091175379654,0.0,0.08109778174590278,0.0,0.0813886092253787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191827478907176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425140255312865
suicidewatch,FunnyBlood,2018/02/05,"I'm numb. Feel like I should get everything in order before the end. I have had a pretty successful life thus far. I have a beautiful amazing wife and a great family who love and care for me. However for the past couple of years I have been feeling completely numb. I don't enjoy things, I don't want to do things. And I feel that now I am being more of a dead weight to people who really do care about me and are trying to 'get me out of my funk' by encouraging me to do fun things, I just have no desire to. I hate seeing the disappointment on their faces and knowing that pretty much all the negative feelings they feel in their otherwise happy lives are down to me.

I feel I am at a point where I have accepted to myself that I don't have much time, which has a certain clarity to it. It's hard to explain but it feels like knowing I now only have to exist in this numbness for a little while longer gives me a certain purpose. Now I want to get things together so that when I am gone I can leave those who care about me better off than when I was just a person they never call anymore. Or a person who kept saying no to things that would otherwise make them happy. I can probably earn enough money to give them a really happy life for the rest of their lives.

I guess I wanted to share that with you guys, and ask if you can think of things other than just straight up cash I can leave to make them live the lives they could be without me holding them down.

Also props to reddit for making me wait 10 minutes to post this. Almost triggered me in a bad direction.",5.534330218068533,5.070366373831778,6.216090342679131,82.2594003115265,67.50467289719626,9.37632398753894,27.49065420560748,8.841846274778883,1.8161102803738312,1230,31,258,18,18,404,165,321,0.099,0.705,0.196,0.9863,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,10,3,13,26,1,0,18,0,31,8,1,5,4,48,65,14,1,8,7,1,9,2,0,2,5,1,0,3,24,8,1,3,12,0,2,1,8,6,0,0,5,11,47,20,45,55,6,30,0,1,1,1,29,16,0,4,13,196,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885135234294919,0.0,0.0,0.07095820694888119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799738157668828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295157535694123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408673958088438,0.0,0.0,0.07550360769452011,0.0,0.0,0.07847542333518963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060434617031866,0.0,0.2714017273448339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303284176736197,0.0,0.0,0.07084454160592712,0.09817924448349977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858939382095913,0.0916829176274468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974576691935684,0.0,0.08364775867676873,0.0,0.314055675737919,0.12677899243315008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907497006728806,0.17023786079746234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782632113204234,0.09774728044054026,0.08785771246081536,0.0,0.28336763118250297,0.07948561276892542,0.08760356444836416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752855430717663,0.0,0.0,0.18790678891342028,0.0,0.0,0.1253467617725406,0.08669904048892296,0.08893184554558077,0.3134046520343804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008325759411593,0.0,0.17768604052751533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045509623465187,0.0,0.06843487352571796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748397932372148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470384922325833,0.061514953672150714,0.1549531006968555,0.0,0.0,0.08387954431778234,0.0,0.08497984031427354,0.18054280109303325,0.095667104072209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368679479089472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056251058292708,0.0,0.0,0.07070717705893975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536938927128449,0.0568552887173618,0.0,0.0,0.05173980217050489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024257404564026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700765723633794,0.0,0.0,0.10805054251478304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553358791001088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630320083767741,0.0,0.0,0.057139901791869126
suicidewatch,cccccml,2018/02/05,"i am exhausted I’ve been trying to keep myself going. I barely had anything time to sleep, but whenever I come back to bed I can’t help but have a nervous breakdown
I’m exhausted and I want to sleep, but I’m also exhausted of feeling like this. My head hurts from constantly thinking of suicide and fasting and starving and I’m tired of crying over every thing I eat
I’m also tired of feeling empty, I hate the fact that despite trying to be positive, it is true that no one truly needs me besides when I have something they want
I’m in a dump and I feel like if I actually talk about it to someone and I dig too deep, I won’t be able to dig myself back out ",1.5362977310459307,3.428605208633094,3.775683453237413,87.03698395130051,79.64748201438849,6.29131156613171,25.080796900940786,7.321109707123232,1.2362070835639174,520,20,107,7,13,179,84,139,0.292,0.54,0.168,-0.9761,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,2,1,3,0,10,9,3,0,2,22,26,13,1,4,4,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,1,0,6,8,1,1,4,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,2,3,17,3,16,21,0,12,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,8,70,23,0,0.1574486885550799,0.0,0.1536472077833832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251823318705706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956685518313166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421366455426385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562810373054726,0.0,0.17014609765668745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294999115691267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611093155000357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265731081390952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883236321163065,0.2249627491269692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948171811230353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544798324546796,0.16158777840525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105534537062556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855207752944526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994762871800487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384295237511775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674620753850312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669130616900943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151247922299183,0.0,0.1334057628724128,0.1212116926966522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222331032302424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655129181025146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460191251855948,0.1008867621266949,0.0,0.0,0.09180959646528007,0.3619282117126216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137946486510896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573463172928528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mbok_jamu,2018/02/05,"I always thought I'm strong enough to fight this feeling, but I guess I'm not. I never thought I will make a post in this subreddit. I never thought I will have suicide thoughts anymore, it's been a while I haven't feel this way, totally frustated and heart broken. I survived a few suicide attempts years ago and I told myself that I'm strong, I'm brave, and I will never have this feeling again. It's ironic how I became one of the redditors who initiate monthly rant/rage thread and count your blessings thread in my regional subreddit to spread the awareness of mental health and encourage the others to stay positive. It's ironic to see that I'm the one who needs help now.

I feel betrayed by the person I trust the most. I feel all my hard work and dreams are gone. It's been a week, I can't spend a day without crying, my chest feels heavy, it feels like being stabbed. A huge fight last week let my eyes wide open to see the truth that I've been living in a series of lies for years. This reminds me of an episode of HIMYM where everyone found a dirty truth in each other and you can hear the glass shattered. That's how it feels like, but in my case, it wasn't because you found out that your SO likes to chew loudly like Lily or singing about whatever he's doing like Marshall. In my case, I finally realized that I've been fed with false hopes and fake dreams.

It hurts.",7.00288786482335,5.770289455197132,6.562071172555047,83.51072580645166,64.84229390681004,9.835227854582694,32.83179723502304,8.634040054169528,2.3247990783410137,1094,36,231,13,14,340,151,279,0.166,0.591,0.243,0.9774,0,0,0,0,2,2,26.0,0,4,0,5,7,18,2,0,17,0,17,6,3,3,7,46,46,15,2,2,5,0,9,5,0,3,1,2,0,1,23,12,2,0,15,3,1,1,8,4,0,2,14,14,28,14,23,27,6,30,1,1,3,0,14,11,0,4,20,138,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961438496849788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090247975310047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756385143354967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611662452550697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913896530783392,0.06994816660512694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112068876982194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363882880684117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387278340938485,0.15496866455157188,0.0,0.11881337466944085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378430772738527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948166823778668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715946644992343,0.0,0.0,0.1152886321985937,0.12224307032366967,0.1285264293652376,0.07269890831313655,0.0,0.0,0.1077259290457604,0.0,0.0,0.11610940239438852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840993118098023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090839489861766,0.0,0.2649420512147466,0.0,0.09577276853581956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239834686998059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093028563617038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657228090834636,0.0,0.0,0.080422220762831,0.2509546910454033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699152904592733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470368324538783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387535122786892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285824082902715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156046549392866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372767625661135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344422662588718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363882880684117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609104025744631,0.1740012323214351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455222618769562,0.0,0.07896066762825901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396902452583076
suicidewatch,IWantToDieCuzOfIT,2018/02/05,"I want it all to end. My life is a joke i decided to end it all but am not sure what's the best way to go.

Any good suicide methods?",-1.5251041666666652,-0.38382246874999737,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,86.1875,5.516666666666668,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.2343458333333337,99,3,29,1,3,36,26,32,0.202,0.511,0.28800000000000003,0.4033,0,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,7,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311501218072569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443141663903607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811873878400403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186463248547845,0.2751894852170513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231742330316086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35888132901282777,0.0,0.3092244922984664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935182042247704,0.2604255605104218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cactuskeeper2000,2018/02/05,"A day I'm giving myself a day today, if I can find one reason to keep going then I'll take it, if I can't then I'm throwing myself in front of a tram.

I have low expectations, I'll update when necessary",0.4978260869565218,1.8223990000000043,4.029782608695655,86.65380434782612,80.73913043478261,6.339130434782609,18.02173913043478,7.1686216300943375,0.17584347826086955,158,3,36,2,4,59,32,46,0.056,0.88,0.064,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,9,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,9,0,12,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,7,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705916158692062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334630890268382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34999400564166194,0.2073506724595337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242923307236489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722942905460726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751229645997196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743191604653417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34583181931458523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXxDenimxXx,2018/02/05,"Don't Know What To Do Anymore I've been depressed since last July and it's taken more of a toll on me than I ever thought it would. It all stemmed from a breakup with my girlfriend. I was insanely in love with her and she was with me, and we got in a fight and broke up. I've been depressed ever since and I don't know what to do. Nothing helps. I've been on anxiety medications and antidepressants because I can barely sleep. Everyday I wake up exhausted and have to drag myself to bed. All I want to do is sit in my room and do nothing. I've lost friends because of how antisocial I've been and I don't foresee this going away soon. I've tried everything, even counseling, to get over this but I can't. All I do is think about her nonstop and I cannot control it. We were starting to plan our life out and I thought my life was finally falling into place. Now I have no idea what to do and every girl I've talked to since has gone nowhere because I'm still not over this. My whole life has been turned upside down and I have no will to do anything. I don't know if I'm suicidal but I don't really have a desire to live and if I were to die I don't really think I'd care. We planned out so many things to do in the future and the fact that it all disappeared and I couldn't do anything has just ruined me. I just want a solution to get over this because I don't know how long I can keep being this sad.",0.8696358892921978,2.6718434703947374,2.7824863883847577,93.78447368421057,81.40131578947368,6.1667876588021775,22.653811252268603,7.237678284180719,0.6358751361161521,1101,37,258,15,29,368,139,304,0.16699999999999998,0.785,0.048,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,4,0,0,4,12,11,1,0,7,0,43,8,2,3,7,57,67,23,2,7,7,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,2,1,15,25,0,2,9,0,0,4,13,8,0,0,16,0,36,3,38,47,6,34,0,6,0,1,14,18,0,2,11,179,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105359857117712,0.0,0.11804055691767372,0.0,0.0,0.19589443515818292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182765914321817,0.0,0.0,0.2902255014670598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135365268902396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349636423245725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503166438008333,0.0,0.12352888617129855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786147167153781,0.2153293791261208,0.10028347502439633,0.0,0.10697175950382576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038578228963102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195821710925896,0.0,0.12437102578819187,0.0,0.06764450137273821,0.0,0.09519495587183106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977977276028397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436444114561724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579465574236543,0.0,0.0,0.2616515323416054,0.09702104726236203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522120766950866,0.0,0.0,0.10510102404151636,0.10533314739260882,0.0,0.0,0.12992956143553164,0.0,0.1074244728288054,0.0,0.0,0.1206724023773294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199049012159439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22841489191556624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243555177939008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250058957274198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953754790303891,0.0,0.11911069596265154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424632197555894,0.0,0.09505330929414227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019374456961272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566757560283476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907474693403145,0.1525324918461078,0.0,0.18898469311577454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080998392326477,0.12946473582610982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040774826438154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328868690465455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455175869011243,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tiredtodeath0077,2018/02/05,"Why is the death who only want me? You can read my previous post, its even hurts to write that again.",1.3142857142857132,3.2208063809523857,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,80.42857142857143,6.104761904761905,15.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.5389238095238098,78,1,19,1,2,24,21,21,0.266,0.684,0.049,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28852048498971805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676329399778868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33222704522869656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183600542609593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43694577390498296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576522139755367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941689306710924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrwawayyqyyq,2018/02/05,"Only path I see is death It's so hard to sit with someone and watch them live their lives happily.

It's not fair that I've gone through so much.

I wish I could get treatment but I don't have any power or money to make that happen.

It hurts to breath and I wish it would suffocate and kill me and I hate going to bed like this and waking up like this.",0.14275974025974136,2.0482990389610443,1.8027110389610392,99.28120941558443,84.58441558441558,4.888961038961039,16.118506493506494,5.985473137389443,-0.7662194805194806,274,5,67,2,8,89,55,77,0.229,0.61,0.161,-0.8058,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,5,2,0,0,0,5,2,2,1,0,14,14,9,2,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,3,9,2,7,11,1,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543533425385381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122407313671227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858703566821036,0.0,0.1289972619620995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071657085675554,0.0,0.20332838882462295,0.22409453728893627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429854606952655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25111837198925924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178071730416604,0.0,0.400852813033888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151008708169927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685550760277235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726275776127725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808726873821385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923183696462816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220287523095289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123920117327267,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jihad4U,2018/02/05,"Iv made the most important people in My life hate me I moved in with my bestfrind about 3 years ago. he was everything to me his girlfriend had become a super close friend to me as well  i had known him since we were in high school. I had moved to be closer to him and just live our lives. I lost my job at a retail store about a year ago and felt like everything was just falling apart and that I was destined to live my life alone and with no real love. I have never been in a relationship with a man or female for more then a week... iv always been a bit ugly and I know that but when someone talks to me I can't help but swoon no one ever gives me the time of day but the people who do become gods in my eyes and after losing my job I began to lose touch with any people at all my 2 friends were the only people I talked to... and I just feel deeper and deeper for her to the point to where it drove me to being a voyuer and I eventually got caught... So now the people who I care most about in life want nothing to do with me have placed a restraining order against me and I have no one to blame but myself and my question is why not just end it iv been contemplating it since I was in grade school I'm going to die alone anyways I'm an inferior male specimen i am the unneeded product of over breeding and contribute nothing worth while to society and obviously can't be around people

",3.0881001304631432,3.999966065068495,4.4212133072407065,88.13057077625571,73.28082191780824,7.342726679712982,22.808871493803,7.62386473244151,0.7673419439008486,1089,26,241,13,21,361,156,292,0.141,0.7859999999999999,0.073,-0.9617,2,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,4,15,12,1,0,17,0,24,8,1,1,4,47,41,23,1,2,10,0,3,1,3,0,6,0,0,2,7,21,0,1,5,0,3,6,7,5,1,2,19,4,39,7,41,19,5,41,0,4,1,1,21,18,0,4,17,170,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413593857493545,0.0,0.0,0.20345695612251352,0.0,0.0,0.08172865938172412,0.0,0.0,0.06679439926317114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743849733144889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695719507978756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723309885000153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001439817333776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334513171300013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193903723675794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699563075267759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884751687336796,0.0,0.0,0.17655138831609815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966404729683992,0.0,0.09430862363633337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177230862629867,0.0,0.0,0.09422359276495702,0.05582188553643458,0.0,0.07855718975651882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969739932430398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583620623659657,0.10377704620880278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949405656629293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053980299922397695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813153161704911,0.047986358885582114,0.0,0.2601957534499051,0.0,0.0,0.21977082146633026,0.10722102992951366,0.0,0.08864928418968493,0.09294013022199443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878910549246132,0.0,0.0,0.07575494221793824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849351673196726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311568008170033,0.07470233655628612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085690398087751,0.0,0.10262119372961807,0.0,0.09285163697530087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100312362636502,0.0,0.0,0.11179825851593682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054537816739411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881202723429445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250067974087642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322327042958981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789441407581686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057274099035503886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057933942101623614,0.0,0.0787878475918321,0.0,0.08831346797735998,0.0,0.08863017187163058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650362996448014
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway358,2018/02/05,"Should I include my pedophilia into my suicide note? I am a pedophile. I have never touched a child. I am going to kill myself in the future, and have been debating whether or not to put this information in my note. On one hand, it will make my death easier on my family because no one wants a pedo alive. However, on the other hand, I know that it will make everyone hate me and feel disgusted with me. They will wish I hadn't waited so long.

So, what do you think? Should I tell people in my suicide note about being a pedo, or should I take this secret to my early grave?

[Poll](http://www.strawpoll.me/15006707)

EDIT: Also, how would you feel if a family member/friend killed themself because they were a pedo?",4.279030303030304,6.222428081481483,5.104511784511782,80.32484848484847,71.8888888888889,7.872053872053872,24.124579124579125,8.575989854853784,1.7010740740740742,561,16,101,10,11,182,85,135,0.226,0.68,0.094,-0.9734,1,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,2,2,0,5,5,4,0,8,0,16,2,2,3,1,26,28,10,6,7,5,0,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,3,5,22,0,12,17,0,13,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,3,4,80,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462532201810124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222970228404392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747546361937316,0.0,0.0,0.3448157610920166,0.0,0.18494449406126776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129664394663338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393786793468604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056126205582096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046707315611334,0.0,0.10050891743430834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184763788132597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415456859072296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410523328616095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478554753822705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678956319061396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838501289428645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000934282724208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750690236109567,0.0,0.15984971684624047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171854450215424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787042331567406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030894257119345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991639157710014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sabrefencing22,2018/02/05,"I can’t do this anymore I’m so done with everything. Nothing in my life is worth living for. I have lost all hope and can’t see any better alternatives. There is no one left and nothing left that would make me want to wake up tomorrow morning. I hate university and my job but I can’t just drop out because I’ve already spent so much money. I hate my job because I get treated like shit by customers for no fault of my own. I can’t find any enjoyment in anything that I used to love. I quit playing guitar, working out and fencing. My girlfriend broke up with me months ago. I asked out one of my few remaining friends because she was always showing signs that she was interested but she was just leading me on and now she won’t talk to me. She was one of my best friends and I screwed that up like everything else in my life. I don’t see any point in living when this is all there is.",2.5450181159420286,4.060320711956525,3.6874782608695647,90.47346376811596,75.57608695652173,6.6457971014492765,27.48405797101449,7.3011,1.271910579710145,697,28,153,8,15,226,98,184,0.15,0.649,0.201,0.9001,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,6,8,19,4,0,0,0,18,6,2,3,2,26,32,11,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,1,3,3,1,8,7,0,3,7,2,29,12,22,23,6,21,0,2,2,2,11,14,2,1,7,102,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208560199745196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953487652784527,0.0,0.1052121240705656,0.0,0.0,0.25796020670077713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253991709360224,0.0,0.0,0.10405321866174001,0.0,0.1182087306601526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312385561716936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269591717733836,0.11183006640385218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939683416968514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562832623471136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272806958154715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556816989073775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538173128577072,0.0,0.06606213969821924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496759370798247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255881228741284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509537185128569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747650845268986,0.0,0.17862326951277965,0.12354899206614255,0.0,0.22330598268059826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802933254084948,0.0,0.11412128324984645,0.0,0.08440282263640153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092695740495776,0.0,0.09295140729811263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426542099054141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704661414571184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195311170341429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448950845612007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152011852058288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979367291494556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163146446709552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920762738720027,0.0,0.0,0.07458036324594365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920532513960368,0.0,0.0,0.08982269075803746,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idonteven90,2018/02/05,"What am I supposed to do I'd rather not mention specifically where I'm from and all that, so I'll list down the points:        


• I live in a nation where I barely blend in with the people        


• I dropped out of uni because I can't handle the social norms in my campus and I wasn't interested in my major      




• Even if I decide to move to another uni and start fresh, I've missed all the deadlines at this point. I've done my research, I've listed the unis I'm interested in, and I've missed them all,  so please don't tell me things like ""oh this uni is still open""         


• In the end, all my friends are busy studying while I'm alone and depressed in my room almost every day         


• My family supports me, yet they have a lot of expectations from me that I simply can't give anymore          


• People believed in me because of who I was in my past, yet I've managed to end up as a massive disappointment",1.7776648351648348,3.4698698846153846,3.5638324175824216,89.7717925824176,78.17582417582419,6.088461538461537,22.913461538461537,6.9077264865688965,0.5905813186813189,677,21,149,7,16,227,103,182,0.1,0.823,0.077,-0.481,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,9,9,0,0,9,0,11,0,0,0,4,19,19,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,22,5,24,16,6,31,0,4,0,0,8,20,0,3,10,95,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995297415695993,0.18612470884439306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844094261627284,0.0,0.0,0.1782234047674182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909832676351151,0.0,0.0,0.2024709190790052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158976760636521,0.0,0.1547834162474958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390507831676248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183383208549774,0.0,0.0,0.1186963433899467,0.0,0.15141289424126927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941399943298316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884301275352345,0.0,0.0,0.17239360210510582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779692025573574,0.0,0.15868666531525602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278247911370668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100261898278487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155292731430916,0.2491756979838376,0.0,0.0,0.1972669215259004,0.3397668819412916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319107043026794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127199216385332,0.0,0.14351613427770982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393206236592135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707390957645234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939091950857245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bladerunnerjulez,2018/02/05,Please help me feel like I still have a chance So ever since my husband died 2 years ago and I lost custody of my daughter I've basically given up on life. I never used to drink before but I'm literally drinking myself to death atm....I haven't eaten a meal in probably a week...no more than maybe a piece of chicken or a half a cup of soup a day....I'm homeless staying at a motel because my bf was able to pay it before but no longer after Saturday at 11am....I'm just wasting away....I feel physically and mentally unwell and am seriously considering suicide...I've fucked everything up...fucked up every job interview and now will be on the street within 6 days..I don't know what to do ..I don't really want to die but I don't want to live like this and I don't want to live with the damage I've done to my body in the last 2 years...I'm going to turn 37 in a couple of months and have absolutely nothing to look forward to....the motel I'm at is so disgusting that I'm at the corner laundromat right now washing my BFS work clothes and roaches actually came out of the clothes....I don't know what to do...I have the capability to end it all somewhat peacefully and I think I have to do it before the end of the week....whatever....rant over.,1.3770817120622567,3.3762168715953322,3.8005229571984462,86.12453540856033,80.67315175097276,6.913556420233463,23.5095719844358,7.976525956113202,1.293854910505837,964,34,206,18,25,335,143,257,0.183,0.7609999999999999,0.056,-0.9875,1,0,2,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,2,0,17,0,18,8,1,1,3,29,38,14,3,3,5,2,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,5,4,1,3,8,5,0,1,6,3,15,2,36,30,4,34,0,2,1,1,5,18,1,2,16,119,22,4,0.12544998148158915,0.0,0.1224210855486444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120383936467684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786438716281772,0.0,0.0,0.07647314432654602,0.0,0.3202460832393065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934664875213476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434813585585416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880801841259588,0.0,0.08090485983759682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603945495602114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837888635893227,0.0,0.24578644509041145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222289613091914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347669039707975,0.10569702001157404,0.0,0.11274635429415028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686255997456544,0.08962149183653884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319529728113177,0.0,0.0,0.07129611547194488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840864782149917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448974937078212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788805804366944,0.10225847849348084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860903191715955,0.12257704845715495,0.0,0.22154926399689653,0.0,0.10534638905934064,0.0,0.13694347400511908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603136802181253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264240751829006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013297835596804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675475946464432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203726406362954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770640774437862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525629794153354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036647046747063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071335987382237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037735210459092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337129886082131,0.10018451726154444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038328268516423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645355598294248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834850540071847,0.0,0.0,0.22198094812435512,0.0,0.201256816236596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132908062066528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078567503493747
suicidewatch,diveintoatrain,2018/02/05,"Probably unimportant I know I'm loved. I know I'm liked. That's more than many people here get. but I still feel like a fucking millstone around the neck of anyone near me. I'm a complete failure. I will never be anything remotely close to successful. I've failed at every attempt to better myself.

I wish I could sleep and not wake up ",1.0619237147595335,3.656430283582093,2.635721393034828,89.42515754560532,89.44776119402985,5.365837479270317,22.369817578772803,6.937597516519254,0.9716514096185742,267,10,51,4,9,87,53,67,0.139,0.594,0.267,0.8641,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,1,0,3,0,3,5,3,0,1,11,13,2,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,5,8,10,1,7,0,1,0,2,1,5,1,0,4,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326453591181068,0.0,0.2039147721761741,0.22059073539222315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915518622561184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598091083311367,0.0,0.0,0.19784472703510705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877858981672667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252929664863276,0.1770253189811308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290831594024203,0.1294630415021099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723641055137781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421209540058846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236453208621574,0.0,0.0,0.2512259770815327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111534305199004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179035874833992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671657076516653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479746850527627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788999002095206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28495286033893297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,futureoatmeal,2018/02/05,"Been thinking about how to kill myself for over 2 years now First time poster here, so sorry if there's any errors. 
I've been suicidal for a long time, about 4 years now, but I've been starting to think about it every day for the past 2 years. I've done my research, made plans, everything. The only problem is that if I want it to go as planned, I have to wait for an additional 2 years, it'd just make a lot of things easier. I'm not sure how much I can elaborate on that because of the rules. It's just that, I was so sure that I was going to do it a year ago, but slowly I've been having second thoughts. I look at my parents, my friends, and the only thing I can think of is ""I'm so sorry"". I've been restricting myself from buying myself nice gifts because I don't know how long I'll even use them. I talk with everyone about my life like I'm still going to be around 10 years into the future. I just don't want to raise any suspicions, especially if it's something that I might not even follow through with. I've only told two people about this, and I think one of them either forgot about it or thinks I've changed my mind. Part of me doesn't want help, because I do want to kill myself, and like I said, raising suspicions won't help. I'm too afraid to get counseling, because I know my parents would freak out (they do care, it's just that they tend to overreact and I just don't want to over complicate things). I just want everything to pass quietly, and I don't know if it's my suicidal thoughts or my life. I don't know what I want out of this post, since I've just been rambling, but I just needed that off my chest. ",5.0281647597253984,4.26554963188406,5.719984744469872,86.39430205949655,68.6231884057971,9.118230358504958,28.01296720061022,8.371475516178862,1.5689420289855076,1273,34,292,16,19,416,154,345,0.15,0.7559999999999999,0.094,-0.9733,2,0,1,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,4,3,29,12,2,1,9,0,29,3,1,6,2,67,68,21,4,14,20,2,0,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,22,12,0,3,11,0,1,5,9,5,0,4,15,3,39,7,42,48,4,34,0,0,1,0,12,9,0,8,21,186,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679744326982388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783068171072399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712426387527031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124961140320028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833101103565458,0.0,0.09164922932877692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587294844430079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865854181402452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444430811729485,0.0,0.07299443026880502,0.08278425611126627,0.15572541015224745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369239972734135,0.0,0.0,0.06693463369505771,0.0,0.04526364970473645,0.0,0.14771143014297874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614035230021615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169943763410152,0.0,0.1904511638391967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238690931409732,0.08465178881279686,0.0,0.0,0.15333998109804392,0.0727522843067894,0.0,0.0,0.07365469152310113,0.0,0.0819769248855218,0.05783009474650819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190693339763037,0.08747749949538322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368730953498716,0.06423937627735453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058706686127282075,0.19767137676761334,0.0,0.0,0.1923976913540494,0.09381817018553468,0.08270371062519848,0.060062381748609985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297318465188991,0.0,0.0,0.08289879674578356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241052154934381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166606064110911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669650090164413,0.0,0.19396345580124486,0.061321292200456935,0.0,0.0691874923101987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953109088230694,0.0,0.16330650444832973,0.0,0.0,0.06963460504961487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267100386266182,0.2775637346302362,0.0,0.1375583564506017,0.1010361079396965,0.0,0.0,0.08278425611126627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463062525594506,0.0,0.0,0.07482554779061845,0.0,0.0,0.35770043425268794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154361376397061,0.0,0.0,0.334743836055758
suicidewatch,sadcantmath,2018/02/05,"Calculus makes me want to die I still can't even figure out how to combine functions. I don't know what to do anymore. I ask questions in lecture, go to office hours, start homework the day it's assigned, and I still don't understand most of the concepts in class.",6.0655974842767275,5.821967132075473,6.216981132075473,81.9561635220126,66.35849056603774,8.576100628930817,36.53459119496856,7.793537801064563,2.726602515723272,210,10,41,2,3,67,40,53,0.081,0.892,0.027000000000000003,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,11,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,27,7,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29161241234215995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27489123612546545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963390889023354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051710143614117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421313983596145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711185326535213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28957388723231203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159876853252547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627650273737307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293963224709597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812569699566288,0.0,0.4696474762263693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30610993922040336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343463658623484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myfeartofall,2018/02/05,"I'm too tired to keep trying. Hi there, I've never posted here before, but I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since late 2012/early 2013.  I was 16 at the time, and I'm 21 now.  I hope none of my friends see this, and I honestly doubt any of them will since I don't think any of them use Reddit that much/care to stalk my account.  I just really need somewhere to voice this right now because it's becoming too much, and I don't want to place this burden on any one person.  My boyfriend completely loses his shit and breaks down entirely when I mention anything having to do with my suicidal thoughts or past attempts.  Fair enough, but I'm afraid to let him know because I don't want to have to calm him down while I'm still struggling to keep myself together.  My best friend just lost her grandpa on Friday, so I don't want to add to her grief right now by opening up about my own problems.  It would only make things more difficult for her.  I have other friends, but it just doesn't feel right going to any of them for this before my boyfriend or best friend.  I don't expect anyone to read this all the way through, but I do want to say thank you so much for listening to my likely incoherent rambling if you do.

I just found out that I almost certainly won't be able to transfer schools like I had been planning.  I'm a music major, and the school I've been pursuing lost some of my prescreening materials for a little while.  Their final audition date is coming up, and while they found my materials (after 3 phone calls in the 2+ weeks after I submitted them), I'm pretty much out of time to hear anything back.  So I'm going to graduate from community college...and then nothing.  In December, I started having increasingly intrusive suicidal thoughts, to the point where I've made an agreement with myself that I will kill myself if I can't get into this school.  I was fucking stupid and didn't put together any backup plan because I was so certain going to this school this would work.  I'm going to wait until after the semester, since I'd be graduating and getting my Associate's degree, so that way I can have something to show for my life.  That, and if I were to attempt suicide and fail during the semester, I don't want to worsen my life in the meantime.  Or on the off chance I find life worth living for.  It feels more final this way.  I don't have an exact date, but I have a rough idea that it'll be after graduation, but before the following school year begins and I have no purpose left.  So between mid-May and late August.  I have a few methods in mind, too, but I'll figure that out when the time comes.

I've been at a disadvantage my entire life, it feels.  My paternal grandfather died when I was 7 or 8, which sent my dad spiraling out of control with his alcoholism.  He left my mom alone with my younger brothers and I, and we struggled immensely for the next 5 years while he went off and cheated and had a great time doing what the fuck ever in Florida.  My parents divorced when I was 11, but my mom believed that my dad would clean up and come back.  People thought she was nuts and that she was planting awful ideas into the heads of my brothers and I, but she was right.  He came back in-state when I was 13, went to rehab, and moved back in a bit before I turned 14.  I didn't fully comprehend much of what happened, but it hit me full force when I was 16 and able to process things a bit more maturely.  And I wanted to die.  Because I wanted to die, I started falling behind in my school work and my athletics, which dug me further into my hole because I felt like such a failure.  Everything was falling apart.  But after a few suicide attempts (including one that did nearly succeed), a whole lot of counseling, and some strong medication, I was functioning again.  Kind of.  Until the following school year where I missed 50 days due to constant strep throat and surgery to remove my tonsils.  My teachers gave up on helping me and seemed content to let me fail several of my classes.  My coach was mad I was gone so often due to my constant sicknesses, so I stopped working out.  I put on 40+ pounds in a year because of it, and to this day, I still carry that weight.  I feel like shit about my body, but that's the least of my concerns.

Skipping forward a bit, I ended up going to community college.  I wanted to go to a 4 year university, but I wasn't ready for it, and my grades were pretty shit.  I got a job, and so I worked part time while going to school full time.  I'm on my third year for my Associate's, and I've gotten shit for not transferring sooner.  I'm constantly getting shit because I do so well in school, I ""don't belong in the music department,"" and I ""should take a look at medical or engineering degrees!""  I know I could do that, but the fact is, I don't want to and I'll be miserable.  Then again, where's music going to take me?  But what the fuck does that matter, I'll be dead.

The main reason I'm so ready to break at any moment is that my life at home is complete and total shit.  My mom quit her $35/hr job of over 30 years out of fucking nowhere and found 2 part-time $10/hr jobs.  She's happy, and I'm happy she's happy, but we can't fucking survive on that wage.  She shouldn't have to be the breadwinner for the family, but come on, we can't afford anything.  My dad works full time at an auto parts store, and he hardly makes half what she used to make.  We're actively sinking.  The mortgage hasn't been paid in nearly a year.  We're basically squatters.  We're regularly right on the brink of having our heat/water/internet/electricity/etc. turned off due to non-payment.  Our house is in total disrepair.  We have one working shower for five of us to share, and there's a leak or something.  So the walls have become weak.  I slipped a little bit one day, and I fell right through the tile and straight into the fucking moldy, disgusting wall.  I got yelled at for it, being told I did it on purpose.  Why the fuck would I actively try to make my life worse?  We just don't have the money to fix any of this.  The clutter is ridiculous, and I've given up trying to keep things straight for other people.  And my mom does so much for us all.  I just hate the martyr act she gives us on a daily basis.  My dad's become so distant from us and throws a fit that he has to buy groceries sometimes, even though he makes the most money.  He's mad it cuts into his cigarette fund.  More often than not, it ends up becoming my responsibility to partially fund my family's groceries or pay some bills.  And I had no job for several months until less than a week ago.  So I was paying money I had luckily had the foresight to save while I could, leaving me nearly broke between school/textbooks, buying all our pet supplies, and whatever money was ""borrowed"" from me.  And now I'm making $9/hr, which puts me even more on the hook for helping to provide for my family.  I get it, I totally get it, I should contribute since I am a capable adult with a job.  But the fact that I'm being asked to step up and be more of a parent than my own Goddamn father is absurd.  Where's his responsibility?  He can buy fast food and fancy sunglasses and concert tickets to his heart's content, and no one dares to call him out on it.  But God fucking forbid I want a new comforter to replace the torn-in-half one I've been dealing with for years, that's a questionable use of my money.  It's not okay, none of this is okay, and I really, truly hate my life.

Now, I know my life is nowhere near as awful as so many other people, but that doesn't change the fact that my life still pretty much fucking sucks.  I'm constantly angry at the situation I'm in.  I feel helpless, and I want out.  But the one out I've had my sights on for so long now has just absolutely crumbled right in front of me.  So, death is my other out, and it sounds real nice right about now.  I'm just so, so tired, and I wish that something could finally go right.  But nothing can ever be that easy, can it?  Ultimately, I'm angry I thought something would work out for once.  I blame myself for ever thinking it could.",5.064830096937612,5.164202331704337,5.880901501268022,82.35069985129242,68.44410507025046,8.788851249205555,29.6080474877054,8.545644828466564,2.034439272381728,6335,214,1303,89,99,2084,576,1637,0.18,0.726,0.094,-0.9994,13,1,7,0,2,4,206.0,12,2,6,24,73,77,26,6,69,4,115,38,10,12,16,231,244,125,12,31,43,14,9,4,4,12,17,7,4,2,69,88,3,7,26,5,20,35,30,46,1,10,58,19,185,31,202,157,47,234,0,10,3,9,87,102,16,22,97,860,254,36,0.05881313296398685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026067146895595236,0.0314266764613177,0.02944642856198885,0.03045633431891473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998231521321516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02056175502093672,0.0,0.07259729583849837,0.0,0.027491170065983127,0.0,0.0,0.09044733786252608,0.0,0.12548178989878767,0.12990896929107912,0.1000912887208542,0.033131130410436534,0.06172075456374944,0.0,0.1284174174575685,0.03266406612562163,0.0,0.0,0.060054784458701924,0.03363327805670268,0.0,0.0,0.031108248166381983,0.10132461275557217,0.061664450946059914,0.12711220597160566,0.0329819648006569,0.09391500200711686,0.0,0.0,0.05689440790901532,0.030316878804934076,0.0,0.0,0.09155811993062984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146776899149395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209097914338099,0.030384844046614658,0.03279609490221617,0.03884551964284589,0.0797997688219995,0.0,0.0,0.02642872580766295,0.0,0.08316568128548292,0.0,0.07434421790878128,0.021008056970445915,0.028234915388150136,0.09664036859822953,0.02687706901967169,0.0,0.03555853691612422,0.09672834695686068,0.090877761271384,0.2446730717535319,0.07681858637784549,0.028209458124899764,0.1504118646567664,0.0,0.047038235113244425,0.03242084336069713,0.0,0.0,0.0260041296233496,0.0939115104988915,0.02634250752956387,0.058065792681410926,0.030179621005160705,0.0,0.033143337629359865,0.034846922868259515,0.03942120329812458,0.0,0.02949718384631482,0.029207355708152333,0.0,0.033931229519028036,0.0,0.06639286835719257,0.0,0.0,0.14590739862866614,0.07841372231792841,0.032534008867028404,0.030622413786626758,0.048483239671054223,0.0,0.06634377570313447,0.031137307931424163,0.06390064105027628,0.060140413167346723,0.18693654805548876,0.057466252000218224,0.05894620999432835,0.02596653695687305,0.026023885965882846,0.02469410961185422,0.03289842598495661,0.06420148213728791,0.025000411234221982,0.0,0.027825204226293948,0.11777466883476966,0.02981364286962442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924804400581555,0.0,0.0,0.029692249277021306,0.13776246101909226,0.02347204081091812,0.031254526363780136,0.1513204694901938,0.0218045964371472,0.02268015692823284,0.028401045152223445,0.031274217063823134,0.0,0.0,0.056432787277913024,0.0,0.0,0.03131703357681581,0.13948655347284736,0.02236501892019192,0.0,0.0,0.06530502409147325,0.09553333755304433,0.028071895129417018,0.061160431699769736,0.02567667958793146,0.03072360310505516,0.0,0.02779871036776357,0.0,0.0281633619639786,0.08975114989101084,0.0,0.0281381126797164,0.0,0.08868516438769722,0.03294208446872958,0.031277503179416175,0.02941452431651325,0.03347111057322116,0.037677198973069134,0.030234848000220724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260174239078561,0.0,0.023385281959635018,0.0,0.29761015221434484,0.02343322620515173,0.026770633691809237,0.0,0.06644209975657142,0.1811125074603056,0.09730166269191276,0.03305421281259766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055444621076353,0.02908384617464945,0.0,0.04162823822144399,0.0,0.0704523659355913,0.02458520631782986,0.0,0.09222638441125568,0.0,0.1608300542621318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044220156604211074,0.0,0.0,0.027073615519812414,0.0,0.0,0.0586092483116101,0.03768508083309776,0.02889180226326545,0.11672764520675907,0.12003043777895595,0.06759704458073629,0.0,0.02809923446426609,0.0,0.05989538503066037,0.0639718000485428,0.0,0.0,0.14148991497122426,0.07619349535954567,0.0,0.0,0.19079230289840135,0.07002469113121255,0.04717634771021747,0.03580927579993309,0.02644003485397289,0.05452036348118111,0.026534852351175583,0.03283138130811393,0.033816100195983294,0.0,0.0,0.1498583144058537,0.0,0.02996780351841005,0.1044479055659894,0.0,0.0,0.17043178214024876
suicidewatch,koopey,2018/02/05,"Good bye. Good bye and good luck everyone. I've finally reached the end of my journey.

Sweet dreams and be kind to those around you.",0.010000000000001565,2.028738461538463,0.5072307692307696,100.68776923076923,106.69230769230772,5.156923076923079,20.584615384615386,6.742157984588678,0.5855938461538464,104,4,23,2,5,31,22,26,0.0,0.434,0.5660000000000001,0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671253232964427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657723622822222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286729105296112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32871128522374565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7550517553367213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31247603269095475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fortify5,2018/02/05,"My life is complete shit and I need advice because I'm suicidal. 

Currently in the worst place ever in my life. 
19, Social Anxiety, no friends or girlfriend, no life either. No car, license, not in college, I'm out of shape because I don't have enough money to eat healthy and as a result I look hideous ( big stomach, man boobs, no muscles)

Currently finishing my last year of high school at home because there were complications with my parents and school so I'm home schooled right now.... Problem is, is that I have basically 0 motivation and I'm extremely lazy. This creates more problems, but I don't know how to break the cycle when I feel like I have no reason to live or do school work. 
I have social anxiety so it's nearly impossible for me to make friends, but I'm also pretty boring because I don't have a life... I want to have a life, but between social anxiety/awkwardness, no transportation, and little money how do I ""get a life""? I don't know how to change that at this point in my life. Any advice Is appreciated.

Dating is also a hot ass mess. I guess I fall into that ""weird nice guy"" category. Women NEVER like me. ( Never had a GF or a kiss) I'm not ugly, but I do have a baby face which isn't attractive.  I dress fine and my hair is good, but I'm assuming that I'm just repulsive with my personality or looks. 

My main issue is that I've been trying to fix these problems for years with no success. Should I just kill myself? It seems like no matter what I won't succeed in life and actually be happy... ",3.2391174863388024,4.734961790163936,5.035102459016393,81.59833674863391,73.72131147540983,7.837431693989072,27.13456284153005,8.472884824447931,1.92298087431694,1186,44,236,21,24,405,159,305,0.203,0.6559999999999999,0.141,-0.9297,4,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,0,0,0,4,13,22,2,0,10,0,28,16,6,7,3,49,47,25,2,6,14,1,3,3,4,2,8,0,2,4,12,12,1,0,7,0,2,3,18,9,0,0,3,5,29,13,26,41,5,33,0,0,2,3,12,17,3,7,15,151,41,9,0.0,0.0,0.08661672159829317,0.0,0.0,0.1734700195843617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196229533205582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035968021447921,0.0,0.1358019462611291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164285024003163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389605650876877,0.0,0.09306291919180816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082339294594956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171255862277228,0.0,0.0,0.08028828412989354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487960137470527,0.06340998997713222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715114014278967,0.0,0.046373310955213534,0.0,0.0,0.07444747515525221,0.0,0.0,0.09777888203828164,0.08788611677114655,0.0,0.0944864145511638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937795592424822,0.17806655176913752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264212848929836,0.0,0.0,0.09819952311993436,0.0,0.09756008519097843,0.07235105066288114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015491450196747,0.1300906053026514,0.08896059712206107,0.07837649386102195,0.0,0.14907168665666884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592478287487423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581423705581133,0.13691399690339892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855720900134253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750159843945865,0.09273505720655822,0.0,0.08390666249034236,0.0,0.0,0.09030058519978536,0.0,0.2547933079446083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125981576264824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580034970401166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593184613989332,0.0,0.08080355153583108,0.0,0.0,0.09111061769418123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714381913271873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970887706857446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026205040941544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235280588482287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646181620959808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143167501296323
suicidewatch,limitlessend,2018/02/05,"I don’t want to die, but I am not worthy of living. Maybe this isn’t the best place to put this, considering it’s a suicide watch place. I’m sorry. I just have nowhere else to go. Before I continue I want to say that no, I am not going to kill myself. Feel free to downvote now. I know I shouldn’t be here. 

At the same time, I always think about what it would be like to just go. I have no talents. No skills. No worth. I am nothing to this world. I daydream about jumping off of bridges or taking pills and I wonder how much would change. I have belts in my closet that I could use. Knives in my kitchen, too. But for some reason, as much as I think about killing myself, I know that I’ll never do it. 

If I could just press a button to stop existing, I would. I’m worth nothing. I am nothing. I don’t deserve to live. But I can’t bring myself to die, either. ",-0.4816057312252937,1.5925777663043517,1.5239920948616614,99.03286561264822,89.27173913043478,3.9976284584980237,17.059288537549406,5.238671369647483,-0.8056760869565216,655,16,156,3,22,216,100,184,0.194,0.6559999999999999,0.15,-0.8690000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,4,30.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,2,0,4,0,20,2,0,3,1,33,36,9,5,9,11,0,2,1,0,4,1,1,2,0,10,1,1,1,7,0,3,6,12,2,0,0,0,4,27,5,23,28,6,18,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,4,6,110,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071090287349952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321845476050825,0.0,0.1396311017205307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075262024158006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124642722051478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27617638502609376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114885731817528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727568466411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268515620319273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29440725626882064,0.0,0.1462450941200027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500306205955653,0.0,0.2349767878751483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366980099600345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956187904434752,0.0,0.10261881344346603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830043386444623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780245044445913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375519355681575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368008270949804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580922761391227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894213969437553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123841464509132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455385814714834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000394312827614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705102081899446,0.0,0.0,0.0775843781539476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491522612546624,0.0,0.0,0.15695642350218342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429049601531407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28355148078789305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needtodieeeee,2018/02/05,I drove past it. I was thinking about jumping off this bridge. It came up early on me and I just kinda drove past it. I feel weird,-1.808571428571426,-0.08477899999999927,0.07971428571428517,104.46528571428571,106.85714285714286,2.24,12.742857142857144,3.1291,-1.815108571428571,100,2,24,0,5,32,21,28,0.069,0.931,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,0,4,2,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,16,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824760933158464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132965318264747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8053938882305356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703000068264446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mysocalled_life,2018/02/05,"I hate life, in general. Not specifically “my” life. It’s really frustrating to see a million posts about hating “my” life. 

I surely cannot be the only person out there who just hates life in general. 

I truly don’t see the point in working every day, to make money, to exchange for goods and services in return for each persons own “happiness.” 

I don’t want to own a bunch of things. I don’t want to work to be happy. I don’t want to live anymore in this world. 
",2.3329787234042563,4.012053095744683,4.30739361702128,85.10875000000001,76.55319148936171,7.253191489361702,23.45212765957447,8.07648339933343,1.3030042553191492,357,11,73,6,8,122,59,94,0.132,0.696,0.172,0.228,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,4,0,4,0,7,4,0,1,1,12,16,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,1,0,2,8,4,17,14,4,11,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,0,2,49,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622924003895838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159499464918703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272735660214013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321302205120612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353911133723257,0.0,0.4665901889323098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450775462222649,0.0,0.0,0.13910348732744685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051537162423146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198100513406954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510142608564864,0.0,0.0,0.14891849312767294,0.0,0.15087194224479153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091892073611247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510649371445527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847188046774576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465714447952597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27874905515175546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937008915402304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Golden_Skylord,2018/02/05,"I want to kill myself, but i'm scared for how it might hurt my family. My parents in particular have had a turbulent past with suicide and i'm scared of affecting them with my death. It's been the only thing keeping me alive sometimes but it hasn't improved my feelings of numbness at all. I guess i'm really just getting this off my chest.",5.76195652173913,5.6625344347826125,6.528804347826089,78.97842391304351,66.97101449275362,9.798550724637682,33.19202898550725,9.516144504307137,2.9199246376811603,272,11,54,5,4,90,53,69,0.371,0.578,0.052000000000000005,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,5,2,1,2,1,14,13,4,3,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,10,0,9,10,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284883594999708,0.0,0.12255142837085806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663025788483173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26700196283496386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25946606538166844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215432886471612,0.2681505952605865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571202002813342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433612534425775,0.0,0.0,0.2691273177432279,0.0,0.2313731277264965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552708025265693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853167246866032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397137929135849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651174957408326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102232064061495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295829160424312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lanadelphox,2018/02/05,"i hate everything about myself trigger warning for self harm shit 

i know i shouldn't compare myself to other people but it sucks. they always say don't judge your life off someone else's social media, they just post the highlights. okay??? at least they have highlights. shit worthy to post somewhere. shit worthy of talking about.

i can't do shit. i'm below average (at best) at everything i do and am, no matter how fucking hard i try. i'm taking the same fucking math class for the third time now because i'm so fucking stupid. my 12 year old sister and 15 y/o brother are helping me with my fucking math homework.

i can't even say i'm doing anything productive ever because i don't even have a fucking job. my parents are paying for my math class, they're paying my probation officer, my court fees, everything. i owe them almost $1500 already and this shit JUST started. i can't even drive because i lost my license so i'm fully dependent on everyone. i hate it. i had more freedom in high school than i did now because i fucked up one night and it sent me into a fucking spiraling depression

i hate being sober. i hate it. i hurt myself so i can feel something. it gives me a high. i love it. my boyfriend hates it. i've made him cry because i do it. i hate that. all i do is disappoint him and everyone else who knows me . i've been trying desperately to talk to people i went to high school with and i was friends wit and none of them want to talk to me. i'm trying so hard to find reasons to not fucking off myself but i can't. i'm a leech i'm a disappointment i barely fucki g exist as it is i want it to be over with",0.9973262548262554,3.270507059523812,2.9825740025740046,89.853416988417,84.05952380952381,5.418146718146719,23.36679536679536,6.766488616294105,0.8199638996138998,1276,48,261,15,37,428,170,336,0.278,0.643,0.079,-0.9976,3,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,5,2,15,31,21,0,8,1,26,15,5,5,2,33,63,15,0,3,5,3,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,14,11,0,0,5,0,4,3,10,27,0,2,8,5,53,4,33,52,6,27,0,5,0,9,24,14,14,2,8,166,67,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943245405385517,0.0,0.0765167173366876,0.0,0.057695155205827235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705964643702584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134041514944996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276643832027692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761650449318381,0.0,0.0,0.05972111595960159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584677583651913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739220116909098,0.06272060883464818,0.0,0.13251174428719148,0.18695081678372694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0350596099167322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337409835227252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053570723956467566,0.5128183285862495,0.0,0.06651577120865497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242272854828166,0.41074425789520336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046476109674603104,0.2197796770354734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422825796352599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880772471320815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621321102389868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048975806490704994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569112242767631,0.0,0.06258066936251586,0.06560972954374482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506944973405288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275905217863364,0.0,0.046985536534815284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699215670878068,0.0,0.0,0.09614111843747462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281415988696474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129148752900008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028145649518728,0.0,0.14034845126350814,0.0,0.0,0.0723351383153437,0.0,0.3558746755525845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068183029657464,0.058750254078502935,0.05338013583434442,0.0,0.0,0.0490781204852866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052133894356878034,0.16719488846053113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043181496093698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122879317689346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179524310136971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642774492064058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465169635789545
suicidewatch,yeah_yeah_yeahdawg,2018/02/05,Going soon What will happen if I tell someone I’m trying to kill myself? I plan to do it soon but I feel like I need to tell someone. I don’t know why,-1.4447142857142836,0.3052987428571434,1.6453571428571436,98.85089285714287,90.14285714285714,3.5,14.464285714285715,3.1291,-1.3802857142857143,116,2,29,0,4,41,24,35,0.08900000000000001,0.81,0.101,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983247247467554,0.2116969689312556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841017966440516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620421026420005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278433162106146,0.0,0.1628542626410558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477102024951907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972365083582213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021559479985203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180079227774083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011874377815939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739016472036153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emwonk2,2018/02/05,"Lifetime of Suicide Thoughts Peaking I've been depressed my entire adult life.  Medicine doesn't help enough.  I've had suicidal ideas and talked about it for 40 years. My daughter who I had half time decided she didn't want to see me when she became adolescent because we argued and I was depressed.  With help from her mom and a counselor that understandable situation blossomed into false acccusations I (dad) molested her. Not true. Daughter says she wants to kill herself because of PTSD, which I allegedly caused by molesting her.  I reported her counselor to the state for not reporting the abuse. I got daughter a guardian ad litem, who did absolutely nothing to help her.  He said she is not accusing me of molesting her, but I see it in her hospital records.  Then I discovered a multibillion dollar  mistake in the way an agricultural product is priced, which is very disruptive.  Half of my team will lose millions of dollars if the other half is successful.  We could raise more food on less land but nobody cares much.  Just before Christmas my wife left.

My thoughts about suicide have turned into a belief that my life doesn't matter, and I don't want it to matter. I've mostly stayed in bed for 6 weeks, doing the minimal amount of work possible.   I figured out a way to kill myself so it wouldn't look like a suicide, but I have to figure out a way to get rid of all my stuff first because my parents are too old to deal with my belongings.

If anyone has reached a point where they really wanted to end it and then was able to turn around their life and enjoy living please let me know your secret.  ",6.502892131318397,7.260484330033009,6.323863123154421,78.1276289734237,65.43564356435644,9.547264200104221,33.769150599270446,9.549672527348893,3.12100396039604,1284,54,233,24,19,403,181,303,0.195,0.74,0.065,-0.9888,1,0,0,0,1,4,27.0,2,1,2,5,8,15,6,0,14,0,23,4,0,1,2,47,40,15,6,9,9,7,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,1,13,15,1,0,10,1,3,0,8,10,0,5,11,5,41,5,36,25,7,27,1,3,3,0,38,13,0,3,10,159,54,5,0.10012672086027401,0.11863379137686612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001093128772193,0.0,0.0,0.08913400966319877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310895908139885,0.0,0.08520046477063832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208586501318563,0.10285772349813364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799430392215006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322625265738324,0.17247799591966534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868255549693979,0.10345766820826437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516773761399,0.12107362830613493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231207907149029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008048542198412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013384912358457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303088038489867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155076324801926,0.0,0.05502702724483837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108787975181519,0.1023863558725179,0.2121673921276091,0.04891685821630445,0.0,0.08841372892618543,0.0,0.0840812279635962,0.11201618921934196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726720533600335,0.0,0.0,0.07360466056046075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607428909802776,0.0,0.1050661504154921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117887431680118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990907201461793,0.0946521150292411,0.11287783345370117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704277854811646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414374127430879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524344032648592,0.07962478722039673,0.0,0.0,0.1595760661507758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125466293920998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672176215292932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146211402769281,0.43808952558695496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047806549471131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589788641996124,0.05838469613138553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781824036858802,0.0,0.10423544757401196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261503082822838,0.2362293366290973,0.2384277915109569,0.0803156159234127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289344528976946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064478325450523
suicidewatch,l0nelyw0lf,2018/02/05,tonight?  i truly think everyone would be better off if i wasn't here. all i do is upset people. i feel like their lives would be less stressful if i wasn't around. i have thought about this for a while and i can't stop myself. i thought i could handle life but maybe I cannot.,-0.4991101694915265,1.7135955932203402,0.8862500000000004,101.84429025423731,93.06779661016952,3.6279661016949154,15.84957627118644,5.148860815047168,-1.041391525423729,216,5,51,1,8,68,43,59,0.078,0.777,0.145,0.3161,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,2,1,0,12,1,0,0,1,14,16,5,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,12,2,4,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391202552459949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375641206126527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446359269618195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566688024885401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358175177822757,0.19189536398482854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972750936906632,0.1312295011378162,0.0,0.23718795449643584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698553075211297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622066951118327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245703694367852,0.30769237068591965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721147346810409,0.0,0.4264933971866988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816263233527037,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_lifesucks_,2018/02/05,"Ready to blow my brains out I can't stop thinking about all the wrong decisions I've made. On my way back home I couldn't stop saying ""I want to kill myself"" over and over, I felt like my mind was going through so much pain. I just want to jump in front of a car so I can end this endless pain. ",0.4354358974359016,2.0023113384615385,1.7057692307692314,102.12839743589744,81.76923076923076,4.94871794871795,16.98717948717949,5.46131890053228,-0.935974358974359,227,4,59,1,6,72,49,65,0.207,0.636,0.157,-0.8215,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,4,3,1,1,1,14,10,3,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,3,2,10,1,11,6,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034678850119853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473063957679121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621431026405756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270840131458205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590348128297882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222177305289602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24509572348017014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823084135783707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096218326090939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368726055399904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285376107129945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714578517167561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617357344772971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704264638277969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195072284125235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26133423924851645,0.17584422098556268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24221381366144695,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CompetitiveEarth,2018/02/05,"Alone everywhere. No more options. Another one of these for the pile. I'd skip it if you're not up for an impossible challenge; no one has ever been able to figure out what's wrong with me so far. You probably won't be the first.

But I may as well try this before I call it quits.

Where did my life go wrong? Probably.... fuck, I don't know. The day I was born? I was premature and had all kinds of issues. The put me in intensive care and I barely survived. I was a really late developer in all milestones in life, from walking and talking when I was a baby, to various things in school... I struggled to learn, I struggled to connect... generally, I've always just been a mess. They diagnosed me with ""Autism"" when I was 8 - later renamed to ""Asperger's"" when I was 15 or so - but they never saw fit to give me the kind of services to flourish, and they pushed me through my classes without holding me back even one year. Probably because they hated me; I was always mouthing off at the other students, at the teachers.... at everyone.

I think I missed my chance to learn how to be a person.

Now I'm 26 years old - 25, birthday in April, whatever. I've never held a job and I subsist on government SSI welfare crap. I live alone in shitty apartments in shittier towns because I can't afford to move anywhere half-decent. Tried going to college, didn't work out. Trying self-teaching, also didn't work out. Tried finding a place to hang out with like-minded people, take a guess how that went.

I've spent my ""adulthood"" (and I use the word loosely) trying every friggin avenue I can think of in life, tried my hand at any hobby that looked interesting, tried meeting people anywhere I could, but it all just feels pointless and impossible. Everything I try ends in perceived failure that I can't correct. Every person I talk to feels like cardboard, like a copy of every other person I ever met, all the same forever.

Maybe they're the real ones and I'm the cardboard. That would probably make more sense.

I've got my dreams. Who doesn't? But I have no tools to get me to them. I have no skills, no muscle, no brain, no allies.... nothing. The passage of time has done nothing but make me feel weaker and weaker and weaker, and now I feel like I'm going insane. I've had to call 911 about a dozen times in the last year because I felt like I would kill myself if I didn't.

At this point, the only thing I dare to hope for at all is that there might be people someplace. People that feel real.

But that probably doesn't even make sense.

I feel like nothing I say makes any sense to anyone. And I know those words make you want to say ""I understand completely!"" That's a funny thing about people: they don't really seem to think things, they just have a pre-determined reply to anything you can possibly say. It's all call and respond, ""Select your platitude,"" like I'm picking out hallmark cards. ""You can do it."" ""I believe in you."" ""You are not alone.""

I swear, if I hear one more person say something that sounds like a fortune cookie, I'm going to spontaneously combust or something.

I don't want to die. I never wanted to die. Dying is about the scariest thing I can think of. But it seems like the only option I have left. I can either live out my monotonous existence like Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day, or cut it short and end my suffering. It just.... seems like the only thing to do.

I signed up for a Reddit account for this. I don't even know how this friggin site works. Just, please. Help me figure something out. I'm open to suggestion. I said everything I thought might be relevant, but if you need some more elaboration (god, _more_ words from me? No one needs that) I'll tell you anything. I have no secrets, I don't give a shit about privacy. Nothing fucking matters, so let's do anything, try anything. Whatever.

Just, something. Please.

EDIT: Aaaaalso apparently I am logged in as ""Competitive Earth,"" which is not my username. Uh, sorry to whoever this is if I've accidentally logged in as you somehow? My username is supposed to be ""krenkobobross"".

EDIT2: I guess this is my account, just the name got screwed up. Marvelous. Whatever.",2.447499999999998,4.781897270471461,3.6968182382133996,86.50291966501244,78.77667493796525,6.263250620347394,25.08740694789082,7.413659706084162,1.3215995533498752,3224,121,620,45,80,1049,345,806,0.127,0.76,0.113,-0.9053,3,3,4,0,0,2,163.0,0,10,7,8,34,32,8,2,33,0,61,12,5,10,12,131,123,43,4,14,28,0,8,10,0,6,4,7,0,4,37,25,0,2,26,1,4,10,29,15,2,8,26,17,92,17,86,84,15,80,0,2,2,3,43,43,5,21,37,406,129,14,0.048048436970846334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929107015415813,0.0,0.03842431768616367,0.07996029727955567,0.0,0.0,0.06534916958257131,0.05038297558432807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033596584311820984,0.0,0.1581590785394095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036946282177566785,0.0,0.08786964362387885,0.0,0.040885680927587965,0.054134134710134216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363794623163092,0.14718847885362313,0.0,0.048988583752236865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037787200416394,0.0,0.0,0.0383627671843208,0.0,0.0,0.06197453379636296,0.0,0.0,0.04876815211375645,0.1496000751175708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917023308217758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511330724901227,0.0,0.0,0.09520661839092727,0.08692512413012211,0.12144864138009592,0.0459123405961742,0.08636567393659153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576840055873644,0.10297743891751283,0.0461340344931268,0.0,0.04391540092052392,0.040869975941846486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884001147469796,0.025103325191164684,0.09218487792690397,0.10922813602878592,0.0,0.07685744870767264,0.0,0.10586154070413896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474378840100797,0.0,0.0,0.054154080520175854,0.0,0.032205854483975414,0.0,0.0,0.04772293938796197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015008482173215,0.047680659698115004,0.0,0.05315847654004665,0.10007010642489468,0.07921849315198151,0.03916588907069496,0.05420072974571788,0.0,0.05220476735665371,0.049132782183893206,0.10181409598081556,0.25821443212023804,0.0,0.08485530026686001,0.0,0.0403485857474346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603635239013381,0.0,0.04827111308608928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194359718907088,0.0485152242708515,0.0,0.0,0.05106788447958733,0.0,0.07125461438869671,0.1111737500522938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441508458815306,0.0,0.050418751983829,0.0,0.19535318636860846,0.10962900438546347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665536816658265,0.16781616739333238,0.050200390046028616,0.10548551023833316,0.04542130356477294,0.054167393274313295,0.0,0.0,0.2590217084849689,0.0,0.0,0.048301950223041436,0.0,0.05110542711750647,0.0,0.1093792808287508,0.061562118148137786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045705066540628135,0.15284018240905822,0.0,0.048627583398119914,0.0,0.13122447733551065,0.050124998735322585,0.0,0.04932103007598119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796013685759676,0.0,0.05378629140538832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046131751212116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036126444900315316,0.07723902718944385,0.04199645173310628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152747908420087,0.12314999320026712,0.0,0.03814509189236077,0.05603485998599028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935956124887081,0.0,0.0,0.05002011740579202,0.0,0.04149842248797657,0.0,0.0,0.08502063905244248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320131522209519,0.04454138244866565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631697862742409,0.0,0.10493950310669564,0.0,0.0,0.06826446209417035,0.10506684611524028,0.0,0.09282485423801663
suicidewatch,PurelyDiabolical,2018/02/05,"I can’t deal with the pain I can’t live without her. She’s the only person that understands me, knows me, and cares about me. Seeing her with another man is literally killing me inside, and I can’t take it much longer. I just wish there was a way to get her back. I just wish somebody would help me.",2.28952380952381,3.5971147777777794,3.5589206349206366,91.98885714285716,75.82539682539684,6.9447619047619025,22.123809523809523,7.554174236665415,0.5855295238095239,233,6,54,3,5,76,44,63,0.117,0.7140000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,14,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,14,1,5,12,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762774166433195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425452734632169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105119118845874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23363223336872954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183980581587032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189663533444994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071819566085524,0.0,0.1245428070853639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010701171185746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658961059222094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235248236727882,0.2411365246079692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787327172496985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058445292373634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038782280046907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359163467236811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987807039993467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211968595739809,0.2184507545317244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098225417648712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lenaluthorx,2018/02/05,"Not doing well... I don’t even know where to start.. but i’m not doing well.. 
I’m falling back into this dark place.. and i don’t see a way out. I don’t even dare to look my gf in the eyes, because i’m afraid she sees how empty i am... i have a plan, been working on it for a while now. I just don’t dare to finish the last steps of the plan, yet. I don’t have friends, and writing it here comforts me.. ",-1.5225000000000009,0.09270305434782956,1.080608695652174,103.701347826087,89.1086956521739,3.68,15.72173913043478,3.1291,-1.4054556521739134,299,6,82,0,10,102,58,92,0.05,0.85,0.101,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,1,6,0,11,1,1,1,0,11,19,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,2,0,1,4,10,4,9,18,0,16,0,0,4,0,4,6,0,0,7,56,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925749985679612,0.0,0.16589293838073094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594894670512073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025332050277634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956005351892313,0.2218289782775107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22852757242763466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843265274265214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337178689966019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926208390323806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601065902951214,0.0,0.0,0.4893699003571221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198119871717025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swaggyline,2018/02/05,"Want to die so bad but can’t 17, M. I’ve had a very bad night. My girlfriend came over tonight. I really didn’t want her to because I had just taken her on a date 2 days ago, a really nice one, and I wanted to rest because it’s Sunday and we have school tomorrow. Plus I’m off from work. But she guilted me into inviting her because her newly-divorced dad was going out on a date and she didn’t wanna be home alone. So i let her come over, and it was okay at first, but as the night went on our time together just felt more and more forced. It ended with my mom and girlfriend publicly having a conversation about my depression, and then my mom started lecturing me in front of her. Then my brother, who’s also my coworker, comes home from work and tells me a rumor that I’m getting demoted. My girlfriend recognized that I was upset and told me not to do anything to hurt myself, which I’ve never done. My mom came in my room and apologized too, but the damage is already done to be honest. I just want to die. I want to kill myself when everyone goes to bed, but I know I wont. For one I’m too scared of going to Hell when I die. I also don’t wanna cause anyone grief, but it’s getting to be so overwhelming I’m starting to not care. And if I fail, I’ll be a loon for the rest of my life.",2.569347826086954,3.401605789855072,4.3709855072463775,88.30408695652174,74.43478260869566,7.404057971014493,24.307246376811595,7.7348632917899725,1.040802028985507,1002,29,225,13,20,341,142,276,0.243,0.682,0.075,-0.9962,0,1,0,0,1,5,30.0,2,0,0,4,13,17,2,4,10,1,21,1,0,1,1,43,46,29,5,8,12,5,1,0,3,1,1,0,4,0,8,20,0,0,2,0,0,8,8,13,0,3,15,1,38,4,36,25,4,39,1,6,0,0,25,12,1,1,19,155,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313741394602798,0.0,0.0,0.10881989609759347,0.1159463599560028,0.1680474359482429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346675478187475,0.0,0.08646291340020064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545661255648626,0.19214743680401047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403421098039926,0.1071249456859398,0.10793490403097228,0.0,0.18101544520645974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776087466035062,0.0,0.09049585827835918,0.0,0.3271353995991061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215044328488176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093060032744719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039802370189876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088280903045742,0.0,0.0,0.0893717192376695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978853200740712,0.0,0.11942637695589488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078573985406465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247864017579128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624338725325535,0.0,0.057743227273439474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744026913430296,0.07421340964641862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691669654972923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103576400770733,0.0,0.0,0.1972004577197438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239507708675694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346199064721797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519249437690567,0.10633553435037288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873689363102655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183502086250413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126663472124114,0.0,0.0,0.10039802370189876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669300778489859,0.3098623748320723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740010447581283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298310626096942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,esw33333zy,2018/02/05,"i feel too guilty but I don’t want to be here anymore i feel too guilty to actually do anything drastic because there’s nothing wrong. My family life is ok, i go to a good school, and I have good friends but I just don’t want to live anymore I can’t do that to my friends and family but I just don’t care anymore ",-0.3253260869565189,1.7317337681159444,1.9679528985507275,96.31540760869566,88.13043478260867,5.189130434782608,23.11775362318841,6.6274283507984215,0.492027536231884,246,10,59,3,8,83,37,69,0.071,0.557,0.3720000000000001,0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,0,0,11,15,5,0,2,5,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,10,6,5,14,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.18506485599728809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642266566505336,0.0,0.0,0.15606057371568433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560501509217976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933543507333457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575583300992738,0.0,0.19177906557454347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930364429873482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077788624716831,0.3181282093050247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339509256785039,0.0,0.0,0.16745882645191434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196820674750167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192950878572346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237134886508944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734557174542748,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rrgeada,2018/02/05,"My life changed, but i feel the same i was going to end it on the last day os 2017, but i found friends that care about me + i have a girlfriend that loves me a lot, she don't want me to hurt myself... but i'm going to say the truth, i still want to cut, i still have those thoughts, i still think in ways to end it. 
it seem life got better but it's almost useless, i want to stay alive, but some times... some times i scream for help so i don't do anything, not now, now that i have a meaning, and some times their is no one around me, and i find ways to hurt me. 
",-0.36785714285714377,1.1208595952380982,1.1478571428571414,105.53464285714287,84.0,4.2,16.055555555555557,3.1291,-1.4352730158730158,423,7,117,0,12,135,71,126,0.17800000000000002,0.631,0.191,0.6995,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,1,0,6,0,8,3,0,0,1,26,23,8,0,3,6,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,3,21,5,12,19,5,20,0,3,0,1,7,3,0,6,12,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314305129981393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585308240260173,0.13614523215896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352592331426596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559281787601149,0.0,0.1617857335317479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863089973419384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709113424203159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773289049507745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978049497593192,0.0,0.0,0.16768614422375766,0.11815777274226945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383381000020226,0.0,0.1223166815940982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025096022472841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274417438388932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246630395195962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604607090621328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002049644489413,0.13803047564942478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659185465095705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036332148986022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216206382130816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922695311462813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300914925320026,0.3664040366713592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799504641303992,0.0,0.12141389384708333,0.2675341782347773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27061638424815904,0.24278654242875486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GiGiStGermain,2018/02/05,"I feel weird and ashamed that I secretly want to be put in a MH ward for a few days I know how Weird it sounds but I’m overworked and my heart is broken and all of the depression I’ve fought off for years has come rushing back full force. I can’t help but think maybe being put away for a few days wouldn’t be the worst option. In fact I feel like I’d enjoy it (speaking from total ignorance.) I don’t know what to do. My parents have called me everyday because they’re scared I will kill myself. Same goes for a select few friends. 

I want to go away but I’m also scared they’ll keep me for a very long time and I just can’t accept that for now. I’m rambling but I figured this would be the best place to vent this. What do I do",0.6827083333333306,2.3723576875000028,2.140000000000004,98.71833333333336,81.5,5.266666666666667,18.791666666666664,6.079149491110277,-0.4152208333333336,570,13,140,4,15,184,95,160,0.206,0.643,0.151,-0.8945,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,15,2,3,8,0,17,1,1,1,3,30,31,10,1,4,5,1,2,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,2,8,0,0,5,4,10,0,0,1,4,17,5,17,22,9,20,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,9,88,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693991243871445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32176969775798475,0.1316723614367236,0.0,0.10438581631347106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970495749510496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748543510980873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750739323545564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208702129943124,0.0,0.14748805703315335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316735174396106,0.12233330624723282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229896768076926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731917366623856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291925583663376,0.11477801451338925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522052534383907,0.1894507843242913,0.0,0.18821715290411176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365881498123781,0.0,0.0,0.1515412879966041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203277500770436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901408474592389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890849938938302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442853501361853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428805893502607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097231538593171,0.0,0.0,0.099850944428875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129025924286273,0.2020026130746794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164340220955736,0.0,0.0,0.11027241928156804
suicidewatch,losingeverything1003,2018/02/05,"I am not this type of person but am on the brink. I've never been this guy. I've known others to have taken their own lives and saw firsthand the pain it brings. Now I have never felt closer to that subtle edge than ever before in my life despite so much other death and turmoil in my life. When does the good outweigh the bad? I just lost my fiancee of some number of years with whom I have a beautiful son. I lost my brother two weeks after our son was born and let myself be plunged into the worst anxiety ridden depression of my life. She was dealing with me on top postpartum depression. It poisoned everything and here I am today. She is tired of the emotional abuse I put her through and I am tired of trying to love the back of a phone for so long. I hid from grief in frivolous spending and video games. Emotionally neglected myself, her, my friends and my family. Always taking never truly giving or sacrificing. Ironically nothing in life has ever meant more to me than having a family and now that is all falling apart before my eyes. I have worked my ass off and have provided so much or so I thought. I have steered this ship aground and lost sight of what should have been truly important to me. Never paid the same attention to her desires and interests in the same way I expected from her. Ran the show like a dictator for the most part. Now don't get me wrong, everything hasn't been all bad. Just not worth the pain for her anymore. I look at our son now and think to myself that he deserves better. She fell out of love. She split up with my and fucked a childhood friend of mine who is also a co-worker of hers at a dingy hotel two days later. She left some years ago for the same reasons she states now. Also at that time was talking to some guy over the internet in the most disgusting way possible. I'm rambling and tired and just want to go away. My father passed of malignant melanoma when I was 16 a couple years after my mom and him divorced. It's like the life force or will to live was sucked right out of his soul. Right now that is what I am feeling. What do to shake this shadow?",3.3480150543629783,5.000391601895736,4.182341789796489,87.18397825480905,73.739336492891,7.334374128798437,24.26010593810984,8.027739517013583,1.2642044047950929,1664,50,338,25,34,534,217,422,0.233,0.6579999999999999,0.108,-0.9972,0,0,0,0,2,0,34.0,2,0,1,6,21,28,4,2,24,0,33,16,2,1,8,60,57,28,2,4,9,6,2,2,3,2,11,0,0,3,19,22,0,1,8,4,3,9,8,19,0,2,18,6,53,9,56,35,16,66,1,7,4,4,40,25,3,8,31,250,72,2,0.0,0.1007800019943321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539892014622142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604194777386971,0.0707751968124439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506925390869857,0.0,0.08435483155117876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991493429133767,0.06540446900699437,0.14204000904447706,0.0,0.0,0.14475644603190765,0.0,0.0,0.07522702377886477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411522799698403,0.0,0.054855471728198886,0.08769122041822522,0.14652092435909353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443496251884707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135794627454175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387993735807426,0.0,0.0,0.15288956591371966,0.0,0.16037051253992618,0.0,0.043007957655578216,0.0,0.08166916537560097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314314353736639,0.07863489145067447,0.04443937407685771,0.08159553053682693,0.048340508276663814,0.07134274282673095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844188775424462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241593165411363,0.08697772387839983,0.3003954431755925,0.08311023379392651,0.0,0.15021581413008506,0.07527378840864002,0.07142742572340575,0.0,0.2785530639962216,0.0,0.15353660718947826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961908028454657,0.0,0.0,0.12505505812438994,0.0,0.2624083637514714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816155914308186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810157427798868,0.0,0.0,0.0921096903868316,0.0,0.0,0.0742694979862832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589028681079656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550693656149506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745394726674131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452783951056011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395314512187204,0.06836652109761858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054501829675091394,0.0,0.0675266720600565,0.04959809278848441,0.2932855014902729,0.08062518305636561,0.0,0.0,0.05774890223751414,0.0,0.16617891127386292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050169502171964316,0.13503040477253714,0.06822851937037508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384669623075426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299773719288264,0.0,0.16432398455981706
suicidewatch,8bitCannon,2018/02/05,"I just feel like killing myself because Im never going to fall in love again. There's always someone better. Everyone always leaves and cheats. I dont want to compete with other guys. I feel like throwing up and getting light headed because Im so alone.

I am human grabage and I live in my ow. Trash. I cant escape my parents house because its too expensive to leave. Mental illness is robbing me of my ability to hold a job.

I keep up such a positive front and everyone just shoves me down and treats me like disposable shit. I just want to blow my fucking brains out and end the pain so it doesnt drag on for years.

Fuck me. No one fucking cares or gives a shit. Nothing in the world matters to me because there is no one to live it for.

Fuck me. Peace of shit fucking human number one million wants to die. Who cares.",1.4536412315930392,3.80192493975904,2.7922088353413663,91.46962516733605,82.73493975903614,5.13467202141901,24.282463186077642,6.42735559955562,0.7588230254350736,644,25,130,6,18,208,100,166,0.234,0.591,0.175,-0.8976,2,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,19,10,0,5,0,6,13,5,0,1,21,23,9,2,3,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,8,0,2,2,0,1,4,6,11,0,4,0,3,19,8,21,23,0,17,0,0,0,6,7,9,8,1,7,80,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729225729274508,0.0,0.0,0.17239719924434185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526000356800963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162057324497301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564528920174562,0.0,0.0,0.2112422019719494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751433246445476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121411527294287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917536345372276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979772261691299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476059098344047,0.14801530808610114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478855434514157,0.054123647634102094,0.09937691146718124,0.05887492096298558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257445755048708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631744542783897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953369600207585,0.0,0.0,0.22379883478479634,0.0,0.10280117095286603,0.09207920627305086,0.11461153576705435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193824128012026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183255059591932,0.0,0.18295099699166112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349773032454084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104398498921596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798981652585991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940134405157706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105941532186934,0.0,0.11023143869555388,0.0,0.11502900142154958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31901360068301465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777495460315883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330747319961246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671121141929498
suicidewatch,lolmaster5380,2018/02/05,"can’t kill myself been wanting to die for a long time and pretty much just because i’m really fucking lonely and my “friends” don’t actually like me (aside from one that i won’t see ever again after i transfer schools and move to a different city) but not that i care bc i’m in the friend zone with her anyways. every fucking day i go to fucking school and do the same fucking bullshit over and over again. at one point my family knew and i was signed up for some shitty therapy and had to make a phone call to give them info about myself but i was to pussy to do it just like everything else, and just told my family i was feeling better. i literally get stuck in bed trying to think of reasons to get up in the morning, and why i shouldn’t just fucking end it. only reason i’m not killing myself yet is bc maybe i can get a gf/bestfriend at the high school i’m going to.

tldr i’m not killing myself yet bc i might get a stroke of luck and meet people who don’t pretend to like me so i don’t kill myself ",2.273510170423311,3.5822725467289693,3.986701484332052,88.90093183067621,75.86915887850466,6.530621220450798,23.80318856514568,7.048011613610866,0.7794725673446949,791,24,172,8,17,266,117,214,0.13699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.154,0.4368,1,2,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,1,1,12,18,9,0,9,0,16,6,0,3,1,35,42,13,5,2,9,0,2,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,5,11,0,0,6,1,0,3,9,10,0,2,8,3,24,8,28,31,3,24,0,1,1,5,10,11,5,3,13,113,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.09932471381152784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204546496594888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001805644446388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393097355890524,0.0,0.10377370380405866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564107819594531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563382115604876,0.10634070243451196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502594104516202,0.0,0.09014879038873558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206779818571953,0.08575586645332743,0.0,0.09147524973636867,0.0,0.1919023394077512,0.0,0.05146412240342623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727330118525026,0.4704798715631128,0.2127079277131328,0.09763873013335507,0.11569030340464875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753844882665607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504275548802666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491768783535776,0.0,0.0,0.09007401587062816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794038755836729,0.0,0.10225386830986556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797479585165448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817833690982337,0.07482160476000242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794046249581146,0.07740992532034885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056293979054151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621704775880063,0.0,0.0,0.1035490563078401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520426316635054,0.20929804120631626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090269640240357,0.08110721019412719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639677962647835,0.0,0.0,0.06521790353478438,0.0,0.0,0.05935000072973672,0.0,0.0,0.09725722339872477,0.0,0.06910341098304743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060033759830537964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184257550690056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SureDot,2018/02/05,"Casual Suicidal Thoughts Hey. I have a more indepth post on my situation in r/depression so I'll save you from it unless you want to [read it here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7vb8gj/depression_questions/)

My main question is, for a generally functional mid-20s adult that is leading what others would call a lucky & good life... how is it possible that I have casual suicidal thoughts? I could be walking down the street and a voice will pop-up into my mind calling me a POS and that I should kill myself. It's something I've lived with for years.

Is there any scientific backing to this that I could read? I don't totally know where to start. I am against the idea of taking medication to 'cure' this and much rather want to find the best ways to live with it or overcome it. Sometimes I've had pretty dark moments where the voice is extremely strong and other times it just comes and goes. Mostly I try to separate it internally from my true self and attempt to observe and understand it. Through the years I've discovered certain triggers that will make it easier for these thoughts to get louder - being able to catch the beginning of the path early usually helps to mitigate the impact of the voice.",5.932699579831933,7.888075589285719,5.721144957983196,77.51356092436977,67.66071428571429,9.556302521008405,31.926470588235286,9.916854025145753,3.3077040966386537,988,42,173,24,17,307,140,224,0.059,0.777,0.16399999999999998,0.9547,0,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,0,4,8,10,1,0,14,0,18,2,0,4,3,41,31,11,3,7,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,0,2,21,11,0,0,8,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,3,16,9,28,19,6,22,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,4,9,119,37,3,0.13429991855266235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551390564189634,0.0,0.09132854995625114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326834752775728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093947887449024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742704649466653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568748810564075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445511376093696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567232305780968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227476925089659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701661644190427,0.0,0.0,0.11264439986549525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001840448506494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160826100368582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858296169017146,0.0,0.07380772299024735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486000419419142,0.0,0.0,0.2371785771411385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896462384898606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135293038873782,0.0,0.0,0.13560463313495247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098725892882888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140297923456406,0.1286221980470763,0.13663129886031097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504466447592355,0.0,0.2686725240358797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401041047743275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095873539920016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339063860221348,0.13282605348860851,0.0,0.09505817358946167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938046262755715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097682492051586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319857401653016,0.0783113625193933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118082901907416,0.0,0.0,0.1398109515543342,0.0,0.0,0.14791238653617958,0.0,0.15842714310653402,0.10660102420044787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954028088869058,0.0,0.0,0.17296948870424833
suicidewatch,Novelty_account102,2018/02/05,I'm sick of screwing up every week with my family. help needed. I am sick and tired of screwing up with my family. Every week I say something I don't mean and cause a big fight and it hurts. I don't deserve to live. I also have an eating problem and I cant help but eat. I am 310 pounds.,-1.1657812499999984,0.8046464843750023,1.9112500000000023,95.60875,91.96875,4.45,15.8125,5.985473137389443,-0.5763062499999996,221,5,52,2,8,78,41,64,0.245,0.6940000000000001,0.061,-0.7992,0,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,0,6,7,0,1,0,11,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,9,0,7,9,0,5,0,1,0,2,4,3,2,0,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401933774650285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069540726994376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197394168089722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34561317639304723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867022736926477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749499921985101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956505278595864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110809758194835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234153100415016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520799244748193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625412758866445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310468870612832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789690696969622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357336322227381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290395865591343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aero-faerie,2018/02/05,"I'm done. going to hang myself in my basement. it's been a year of this shit and I'm just done. I'm tired of bulimia, of self harm, of hating myself every second of every day, and of nothing ever being good enough.

I hope the rest of you have better lives. I deserve this death. ",-0.052154963680386864,2.1154164237288136,2.4971428571428578,92.1715254237288,88.15254237288136,4.049394673123486,15.20823244552058,5.288315135182226,-0.7525225181598065,215,4,45,1,7,74,42,59,0.29600000000000004,0.622,0.08199999999999999,-0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,5,11,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,3,0,6,3,9,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463945263325714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922288752770774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735702690425762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239080482547554,0.0,0.0,0.2092991625241153,0.3899002992122231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150028615819315,0.19407307518018854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844280050409985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22981551874777914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043154204186143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220182205511456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413829226431871,0.0,0.2375113154690887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659407106443838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900306018435716
suicidewatch,throwawayforaPOshit,2018/02/05,"Why I want to kill myself My situation is far from unique. I have what should be a good life- I’m a high school junior, I get 90’s, compete in gymnastics at a national and international level. I have friends and family who care about me. 

Despite all this, it feels like everything I can do just isn’t enough. I have no fucking clue how to explain it, but no matter what goes well, no matter how well I do I’m just not happy with it. At the very first big competition I went to, I placed 3rd; that week I attempted suicide because I was so upset I didn’t get first.  I wasn’t the best, so I was a failure.

I just finished my exams, got the results back, and I am now averaging a 95. People tell me that that is good, but even writing that down made me want to cry. I feel like I need to study more, work harder, but I fucking can’t.

Part of it might be that I’m surrounded by people who are insanely smart- the school I go to has a very selective application system, and I know people who are going to Harvard, have won international stem competitions, and some who have papers published in university journals. I won’t ever be as good as these people, and I won’t ever be as good as them. Again, I’m not the best, so I’m a failure. 

So after that page of rambling garbage I have a question. If I won’t ever accomplish anything that satisfies me, and if I won’t ever be good as the best, good enough to really change the world, what’s the point of living? Why shouldn’t I kill myself?

There’s a bridge near my house. Tonight, I’m going to go there and I’m going to jump. Its tall enough that dying is a guarantee. I don’t know why I’m writing this post. ",2.306897840531562,3.75490732267442,4.260149501661132,86.40162790697676,76.06395348837209,7.239867109634551,23.913621262458467,7.957251820313856,1.1601888704318934,1285,40,279,20,28,439,161,344,0.122,0.672,0.206,0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,1,10,22,23,4,1,18,0,35,3,0,4,5,45,65,24,4,7,10,0,2,2,1,7,1,0,0,0,23,9,0,0,6,0,0,7,15,5,2,2,8,2,38,18,29,45,11,38,0,0,0,2,11,16,2,5,15,194,61,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008081965691716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548408759562815,0.0,0.05191377951019285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26811583804471883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682802492005749,0.0,0.09008978245308427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354612429854654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838439527085258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398439173331056,0.0,0.056248497105711726,0.3081345189451289,0.0,0.0,0.07653784121143856,0.0,0.08028286790155922,0.0,0.08612062475809627,0.12167906544315005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487699042325392,0.0,0.0,0.06579571516670937,0.157461231564406,0.08898694260273356,0.0,0.241996772274668,0.4285775413981343,0.06811158805317705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065620909107444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997800764840805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982651632899852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843759799529647,0.0,0.09360528202948344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015222449748624,0.08321140607796397,0.0,0.07519933790526716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805820559888831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034310158812027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314631859028119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222181794721754,0.0,0.2361615889179058,0.0,0.08897584669844942,0.0,0.08050532952268742,0.0,0.08156136401226963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540058981997428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455676322194105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237636607126194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572531456988212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093153073248601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744350760593205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053463630049495,0.10046114966567914,0.0,0.06831157575015027,0.0,0.153141184634147,0.07894574549830623,0.2305355540713639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061998729043550325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,labellenatraviesa,2018/02/05,"Worried I can't get through this About this time last year, I went through a really horrible breakup with the man I thought was the love of my life. He got me out of a really nasty abusive relationship and it seemed like he loved me, but then after about a year and a half, with no explanation, he left me and hasn't spoken to me since. I have such fear of commitment and trust issues now and I'm worried I'll never get past this. I'm so alone it hurts and I just moved after college and don't have any friends where I am. I don't know how to get through this. Every day it gets harder to get out of bed and I don't want to try anyone. I don't think anyone would really miss me if I was gone. I'm so scared of the direction my life is going in because I should be happy, but I don't want to be alive anymore. ",2.789753787878788,3.262483619318182,4.27659090909091,90.52446969696972,73.60227272727272,7.684848484848485,24.32575757575757,7.793537801064563,0.9040848484848488,631,17,151,8,12,211,96,176,0.211,0.6679999999999999,0.121,-0.9371,0,1,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,2,7,0,17,4,0,1,2,27,38,15,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,7,12,0,0,4,0,0,4,9,4,0,1,6,0,19,6,22,28,0,20,0,2,0,2,8,5,0,2,12,94,26,1,0.0,0.17028626544839573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885194582634262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773542758240908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425329326564867,0.20098658048747503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761118410482069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268836311920683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210914126928404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172644450059925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103873709767396,0.0,0.3754422951310292,0.0,0.08168013952582873,0.0,0.11494707064098388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529940200821594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538566480439585,0.0,0.0,0.15000772051595568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898548010223916,0.1171520599089748,0.0,0.0,0.1561536372086821,0.0,0.203029240578758,0.07021497843444546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594282092729465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275302064963595,0.0,0.0,0.11084674390107503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137198264547933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762146777925569,0.0,0.0,0.15430291395355727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438901160159745,0.0,0.0,0.1308384940322669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888776298691615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209082012121636,0.0,0.11409867608369613,0.08380505881304721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757734373059294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695411191746047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323110566023072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919119584020517,0.0,0.10209550380019344,0.0,0.0,0.18510363895319107
suicidewatch,GrossAdministration,2018/02/05,"This is just too much My friends told me this is one of the only places I can say these type of things. 

Me: I have been feeling this feeling ever since my middle school bullies hung my dog from our family tree on our front lawn.They teased me, made fun of me, and lied about me to make my life a living hell. Right now they are going to the same high school I am going to. I also haven't been able to get a girlfriend and when I see people at my school hugging and kissing each other it hurts me, it hurts me to know that everything I've done to prep myself was for nothing. I wish I could get restart everything, to where I was a little kid that didn't care but only for being outside and playing with others. Now I just stay inside and have 3-hour naps and stay in my room. The bullies live in my neighborhood and won't leave me alone, they've already made lies about me. And when I do find an interest in a girl they ruin it with their bullshit. Every day at school people yell at me for hanging my dog but it wasn't me. I just wish I could escape this hell once and for all.",4.2101453855878646,4.298720216814161,4.698634639696587,90.1278761061947,70.28318584070797,7.3420986093552445,24.54993678887484,6.5431188927421005,0.6079352718078375,843,19,189,5,14,268,124,226,0.155,0.7509999999999999,0.094,-0.9618,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,3,0,13,13,3,0,8,0,20,3,0,3,2,31,35,14,0,4,5,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,14,12,0,0,4,2,0,4,4,6,0,1,10,5,37,7,26,21,4,26,2,3,1,2,12,14,2,0,6,132,51,5,0.1155848240120386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197110191174191,0.12755072749600946,0.09243314200278056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178464314049793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457015350176648,0.0,0.0,0.07454264939385162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828340515806599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455309067494734,0.0973851993627249,0.0,0.2077603737390879,0.0,0.1089630852926448,0.0,0.11688631991172364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056424351513607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930054831114817,0.0,0.12077659991721627,0.0,0.13137903827871233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212171261591563,0.0,0.0,0.11382776886209435,0.0,0.24747188937415696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352239647272606,0.0,0.0,0.12238763949766447,0.0,0.0,0.08164097944904901,0.0,0.1158463588828554,0.20412703442954366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873831040863492,0.07715376755890348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496814500915251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090675597949336,0.0,0.0,0.123094065292249,0.07832326810931453,0.1758149342256063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026392696671785,0.0,0.1207615401168316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870880816153216,0.0,0.09191769128950973,0.0,0.4679120507177171,0.0921061399199825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561296084337258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463960866932804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678942111703142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044625262231704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265833686657677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avdima,2018/02/05,I'm sick of fighting so hard to get better and just ending up back as a depressed sack of shit again. What's the point?,2.0984615384615397,3.1811742307692303,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,75.92307692307692,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.4706307692307692,94,2,22,0,2,30,25,26,0.423,0.493,0.084,-0.8926,0,0,0,0,2,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159648739768544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634170179625028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35391668262869275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639448114080657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468381966839387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680951708922095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884433185383389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42179380803376826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THROW-0-AWAY,2018/02/05,"i am so sick of living i absolutely despise my life right now. my life at home sucks. my parents and siblings have been driving me insane as of late. my workload at school is getting harder and harder. i have no close-knit friends who i can talk to about this. my family does not know, and therapy and medication are out of the question. the last couple of days, i woke up early only to cry my eyes out. i just want to die. i want to unburden my loved ones. i am also an autist, and the way i think and behave is so different and abnormal. i feel as if i don't belong in this world. i have this urge to leave and end my own life. but, of course, i lack the courage to kill myself. i have no wish to pass the pain on to my loved ones. so instead, i hope and pray that something else takes me. deep down, i wish that a disease would just put me out of my misery. that way, no one would feel guilt over my death. i know, what a selfish thought, right? i feel shitty for wishing such a horrible thing upon myself that others wish they didn't have. i'm sorry to those people; i would take your place if i could. 
i'm too scared to attempt suicide, but i feel like i should try it at least once. to top it all off, i have been struggling with my sexuality too. 
i don't know why i have held on for so long. my dumb-ass heart just never seems to run out of hope. ""just one more day"" it says. but i just want it to shut up.",1.1039935587761676,2.7460276688963248,2.7389223337049446,95.14999876130312,80.00334448160534,5.633643007556052,19.76972624798712,6.42735559955562,-0.11287969775795847,1079,26,256,9,27,355,162,299,0.21600000000000005,0.643,0.141,-0.9834,2,0,1,0,0,3,43.0,0,1,1,2,16,15,3,3,9,0,23,10,2,0,2,54,52,21,4,17,11,1,4,1,1,4,6,1,1,0,16,14,0,1,11,0,0,4,8,8,0,4,6,6,46,7,42,41,5,38,1,0,1,2,10,23,1,6,10,179,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781207156955668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799557699317893,0.10808943990124263,0.107305210320968,0.12600080435037514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138427641708042,0.10206272055689718,0.0,0.0,0.08548705219085262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816054310561261,0.0,0.08652219320870093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209114851037344,0.0,0.19757508548719785,0.06978802065260396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754731754749133,0.0,0.05103772424249218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576024266456345,0.0,0.0,0.09798859924819503,0.19405160089160026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807682433069801,0.0,0.16105960376195902,0.07962840902071851,0.1101958357085462,0.10343703332686624,0.0,0.0,0.20699886230595446,0.04772521308206744,0.0,0.08625991542064998,0.08645042679591958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633369464907014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840995110878356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534267744696695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040340755507159,0.26478250669576314,0.07429580015391125,0.10394646364248496,0.0,0.10847048769017588,0.0,0.0,0.06772426211826396,0.0,0.10206272055689718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820299092192884,0.10943243701584113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684930473970758,0.0,0.07768507780904667,0.09780230088195743,0.09886503772518307,0.0,0.08893109627394649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520466518193829,0.0,0.10935323857975228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021242600567054,0.0,0.10685434796940034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468977929133329,0.07851756969313067,0.0,0.0,0.11171425165313302,0.0,0.06489928185423266,0.0625942514144718,0.0,0.07755302002350027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632344871931405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728559821392211,0.15507969466927646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814783901732404,0.0,0.4493435451337153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818334416214532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Black_Lawliet,2018/02/05,"Consequences of Thinking Failing at suicide is a fear I've always had.  Like if I attempt and fail I might survive and be worse off.  The other worry is about actually talking about suicidal feelings.  Part of me believes that getting professional help would help me cope with the thoughts, but I'm worried if it ever got out my professional career or social life would take a hit.  It honestly seems like society is more welcome to going through with suicide than people who choose to fight through it, and maybe it's better to not struggle anymore.",9.435300000000002,8.767571930000003,8.73,68.09500000000003,59.7,10.8,44.0,9.888512548439397,4.6473,443,24,70,7,5,140,75,100,0.224,0.591,0.185,-0.6146,0,0,0,0,1,2,7.0,0,0,0,5,3,10,1,2,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,20,18,7,3,4,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,1,5,5,15,10,2,5,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,5,3,50,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.1573594844471967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341752580729573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991946052900596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816767006229133,0.0,0.14261500898878446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586240121652275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181454245526134,0.08153426733549432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424793930512531,0.0,0.09164368967546113,0.0,0.12896860524576528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161687229220628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389763060309525,0.1575599584322632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620001244655434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106375197565046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462108245950306,0.0,0.11179239688108186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467985046830891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437693576312645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685764518409888,0.0,0.5291532149499617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124204718277445,0.12960890290608715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332429143903127,0.0,0.12801672137311534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275201179093765,0.16433039261544274,0.22909874350951925,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EpicWott,2018/02/06,"Where did I go wrong? I fucking hate them. My whole family, I swear to God. I HATE THEM. Currently looking up ways to end my miserable fucking life before I lose it in front of them. ",0.09162162162161992,2.448999783783788,2.2851891891891896,91.85913513513515,91.70270270270271,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.0325502702702711,140,5,30,3,5,47,27,37,0.411,0.544,0.046,-0.9501,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,1,7,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,0,5,6,1,8,0,2,1,2,3,3,2,0,2,19,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568017052448973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449488677811816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389443816829197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686488861026015,0.0,0.0,0.14405008349062687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004887129425902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902992836563675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128468856820892,0.28356266432782484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118883494080966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829847835744052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27712434735695873,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vero_nk,2018/02/06,"Just thoughts ""Life is a slope. As long as you're going up you're always looking towards the top and you feel happy, but when you reach it, suddenly you can see the road going downhill and death at the end of it all. It's slow going up and quick going down. ""

Guy de Maupassant, Bel-Ami

I think i've reached my goal.
Can't think anything about future and want to do nothing.
I just want to die with happy moments i've ever had.

World is beautiful, but i don't belong there.

Sorry for the messed up post.",0.32307692307692193,2.663301307692312,1.9396153846153863,95.40538461538463,88.80769230769229,4.3538461538461535,18.576923076923077,5.873414542411696,-0.24855384615384635,392,11,84,3,13,127,71,104,0.12,0.696,0.184,0.3254,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,3,0,2,7,3,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,2,17,19,9,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,3,7,2,14,17,1,23,0,0,2,0,4,9,0,0,9,49,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685758678591635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671901450898854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026237064102365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943967348823753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832594267098538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024384828749006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605592638385368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006016139188967,0.0,0.43133382037414403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309934783638772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179290836048971,0.17012937897124988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439605647087527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403069622620114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144255793136622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678932072723754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596303126288287,0.0,0.1608383707689485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389924083464809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lust_For_Love,2018/02/06,"Let me tell you one story so I can not think about it for some time. I am 22 years old. To be honest, I was always far away from being optimistic person. So throughts about suicide came at the first place in my childhood because it is truly the easiest solution: I am dead = I have no problems and why should I live if I don't want? Also when I lived with my family my dad often repeated phrase: ""life is shit"". This phrase is always in my head. But I never really planned my suicide, I dreamed a lot about it. Probably because I had success with some things which are really important for me so I had some distraction from these dreams. For example, I ended school with red diploma, I achieved bachelor degree also with red diploma. 

But now I dont have any distractions from them at all. I neither enjoy my life nor I can kill myself because I would have done it already, right? So, let me tell you one story so I can not think about it for some time and you can understand me more. 

I did not really care about all kinds of love affairs up to grade 9. At that time I started to like very much my classmate Jane. I can not even pick up words how much I liked her. The poems were written, and we could spend whole evenings talking on the phone... Of course, this is a complicated long story. But with time, I realized that I am not sympathetic to her as a boyfriend at all.

One evening, I just sat down and began to think what I should do to please her. I wrote a whole list, a whole plan of possible actions, different outcomes, I left room for adjustments, etc.

It was rather complicated plan. Flowers, poems, cafes, help, walks, laugh, art, mobile calls... I even forced her friends to get their small job (we're still in school), make their love, I helped one guy with his dream to start doing sport; etc. So they all wouldn't spend time with Jane and she could spend it with me. That was really hard part to be fair. 

But still, well, it did not go well, she did not perceive me as a guy who can be reciprocated. Sometimes she even tried to spoil all such attempts to get closer to her. Even the poems mentioned, oh, terrible memories :D I leave it as personal secret if you dont mind.

But I did not lose hope. I felt that I had chance. I really wanted to melt this ice. But I did not know what I could do in such a situation. Citation from film ""Me before you"" comes into my mind: It is impossible to change a person, you can only love him. Great film, by the way. But it is true.  

One Idea got into my head. Stupid, very stupid idea, but then I really liked it. I thought: ""What if I'm just not experienced in relationships and do not understand anything at all, maybe I do not understand something important cause I did not have a relationship with anyone..."" 

And there Marie appeared on the horizon. I realy liked her. We quickly got into a relationship by some miracle despite my sympathy for Jane. Now I want to say now that it was the best month of my life! I very much loved Marie. I believe that the meaning of love is to be happy that your loved one is happy. In the sense that the source of your happiness is the happiness of this person. In this correspondance I really loved her very much. We parted peacefully, but  silly, because everything was fine, except:
 
1. We 99% would study in different cities in university
2.  Because I still cherished the hopes of my first love
3. I often saw the shadow of the man... I felt that it is better to leave her for this man, since he will definitely make her happy (especially given the first point). And he is now her husband! I am very glad for her! Maybe a bit upset because... ah you know what I mean. I am very happy for her. 

And the peculiarity of this month was that Jane herself was not in the city. So I had a lot of time without her.

But still, here I am back again in my world of love sufferings. So, now I had some experience in relationship with Marie. I again began to try to establish things with Jane.

One important day. We bathed in the sea with classmates in the morning. then we retired together. I took her to the cinema for the Dark Knight: The Renaissance of Legend. It was funny, because I had already gone to this film with Marie But it didn't matter. At the end of that day I accompanied her home, I decided to give all my feelings, all my thoughts to her. I confessed to her in love, I said those sweet words ""I love you"". 

But she interrupted me at some point. God, it was awful and ridiculous. But also very nice... So she refused me.

I was sad about life. 

Then I thought that even with such a failure, I should not discourage myself. She will say ""yes"" only to a successful person, so I have to improve and strive for perfection. So, I built myself a vector of life and plans. I knew that she is going to study at the capital of my country so I decided to go there as well. I decided to study hard, to work hard, to do sport, etc. etc. Everything that could help me so she will say: ""yes"". I refused a lot of friends to be their friend because why should I waste time on them if communication with them barely would help me. 

Actually, even now I sometimes remember her and in the crowd of people I sometimes look for her image, for her eyes. 

But we didnt talk with her for like 3 years. I rarely saw her in this big city. Now I write to her every year big messages for her birthdays... and that's all. We cannot build dialog anymore. And so we last saw each other, probably in 2014.  it's not worth calling her. I finally lost my hope. 

Without her I dont really have another dream to live for, another passion.

I dont have any purpose to study, any purpose to have a nice job. 

I wanted to write books, I dreamed to work in one big company and I really had a chance, I could end my magister degree with red diploma as well. 

But I dont care now. I am doing nothing. I am siting at home for whole days killing time, playing dota2. I dont want to live. 

I deleted my books drafts, I have poor marks, I am one step away from the deduction from my university, I was fired from my previous work. I havent seen my scientific director for 4 months and I am lying to everyone. 

So it came to this point when I just want to jump off the 11th floor. I truly hope that I can do it.

Thanks to everyone. Sorry for your time. Sorry for my a bit broken English. Thanks if you really read this story and didn’t gave up after couple of sentences. ",2.187900943396226,4.275571233490567,3.6001320754717017,88.13118867924531,78.41037735849056,7.070188679245282,23.17861635220126,8.07648339933343,1.2319976729559756,4947,160,1037,90,120,1623,444,1272,0.086,0.7240000000000001,0.19,0.9994,5,0,1,0,0,3,207.0,9,12,7,19,67,74,6,3,47,4,110,21,4,5,12,187,185,68,5,30,43,2,7,5,3,11,5,4,4,9,58,51,0,3,28,17,5,13,35,17,5,12,54,22,200,57,164,107,39,128,1,5,9,12,125,57,1,22,62,749,258,15,0.0,0.0,0.03301281810222487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466362883299607,0.08116057754252101,0.05629788892792127,0.0,0.0,0.06901588192879593,0.07094658873985699,0.0,0.0,0.03354988153396973,0.02365444897399149,0.0,0.027838885482829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063568061934726,0.026012880905885636,0.0,0.1649777237013176,0.0,0.028786505327216907,0.038114384348336916,0.035502087199703256,0.02991953975277388,0.07386634179642691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908762570004133,0.07738412006273357,0.068983081370428,0.03475232691975658,0.03578724034853443,0.02914121240861545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505094899533351,0.03743181856661824,0.0,0.06545189685505506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068948163283639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034619435079666784,0.2378882966130572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988897641989024,0.0,0.1509158245725103,0.1787530998835958,0.0,0.028502904380820968,0.06465128167964382,0.060807741890555336,0.03309184869229121,0.031891544315349574,0.0,0.017105266619935215,0.0,0.06496345906795442,0.03705868274225437,0.0,0.08632634361087535,0.0,0.0,0.07841001526896664,0.0,0.035349148550377435,0.032452443243290434,0.05767843866738032,0.0,0.054113256926750695,0.037297263010307176,0.0,0.0669932625742309,0.0,0.21607348506044932,0.09091405372312447,0.0,0.06943787671763182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070109443083443,0.0,0.06786771162856829,0.13440173848199738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637902091494718,0.0,0.0,0.06714133326217185,0.0,0.07485489948507819,0.035228331610733146,0.03718373643122045,0.027575646260497785,0.0,0.07164134198674829,0.036755968826347934,0.06918613382433737,0.11947426539250358,0.08263719003324235,0.0,0.1194886570435632,0.029938139135406612,0.02840835109537005,0.037846678845915936,0.03692901412658496,0.08628217065127254,0.3358579690322981,0.0,0.04516305298427599,0.0,0.06797277787616758,0.07370072270719707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831652208006313,0.0,0.08100741271043721,0.0,0.09947461948878386,0.0,0.02609147975135066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03246042192814475,0.0,0.035498483567991415,0.0,0.20631436529265,0.05145788365938162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326833908106235,0.0,0.023453191121030212,0.14769354719862435,0.0353447408164182,0.03713475150136274,0.09593974472521588,0.03813780080645125,0.0,0.0,0.07294807983629456,0.032370366728377266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03383876346307608,0.0,0.21672113583784608,0.0,0.0,0.145281357423963,0.03832235195827026,0.02889030097986163,0.03217970476712355,0.0807079879553088,0.0,0.06847474014283195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034725607176277914,0.027984201894327505,0.03802589757318427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02604368553510492,0.10037504404733276,0.07573895451635783,0.047889542302379295,0.0,0.10806547679894173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740082022795069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438191604527468,0.059137138191749414,0.0622915170619217,0.0,0.0,0.044949777622883734,0.06502994180746584,0.0,0.08057079148893617,0.17753685190153334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03758594000789813,0.045936167334052966,0.0,0.0,0.10565344713617764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539079065038029,0.11972147820363607,0.02685236873986324,0.0,0.0,0.12166752394180914,0.0,0.06105191996832639,0.15107819991195662,0.0,0.0652210711305178,0.0,0.07388507410617808,0.0,0.0,0.07209475018456153,0.0,0.0,0.06535547654821552
suicidewatch,Ontheleeside,2018/02/06,"It should be amazing I've been in a major depressive episode since I lost my job in November of 2016.  It turns out that even though I'm just a year or so away from menopause and also taking birth control on the regular I'm somehow pregnant.  I found out yesterday & I can't tell my husband.  Because of the morning sickness/depression combo even getting out of bed is not happening and he keeps saying 'You'd better not be pregnant'.  We terminated an unwanted pregnancy >10 years ago and I don't think I could go through another but at the same time my life is worthless.  I can't find a job, I can't afford a child and every day I want to die a little more.  I tried to hang myself with a bath robe belt on New Years but it didn't work.  I just can't keep on like this and bringing a child into it would just make everything worse for us/me even though I've always wanted to be a mother.  ",3.6677926421404687,4.6056115652173935,4.8723913043478255,85.3394983277592,71.93478260869566,8.052842809364549,28.28428093645485,8.384062270229773,1.8685882943143808,704,26,147,11,13,233,120,184,0.123,0.843,0.034,-0.9443,3,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,1,0,4,11,6,0,0,12,0,16,1,0,2,0,34,32,12,1,6,8,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,2,6,11,0,3,3,1,0,3,8,3,0,0,4,1,16,3,21,21,3,24,0,3,0,0,9,12,0,2,10,93,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461629638389393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124223241629566,0.11697439280965526,0.15231911503362894,0.0,0.0,0.1474111071977548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208018255216114,0.0,0.0,0.08569668163662551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433219299593705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767319367108532,0.11224223897505324,0.0,0.0,0.09066291280966207,0.0,0.2421638784874552,0.0,0.14590055770616314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27855665265483515,0.0,0.11844529152867128,0.0,0.1263448562854768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284882005806221,0.0,0.0,0.15413946657810254,0.0,0.0,0.07344760641580568,0.0,0.07989524379222432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431503675210835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27900927868995506,0.2499091468166906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929629630383184,0.06868062239428302,0.14089877969348702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346042584463773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383869983170676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577370298626285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179540435993164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628979655143995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569918072744147,0.0,0.12287371630110575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007842747726756,0.27623962133825475,0.0,0.08197372878841408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544505814033497,0.15291141809630665,0.0,0.0,0.16910125655490746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658362623753631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023444140428527,0.0,0.1432637296356944,0.0998644861965135,0.0,0.0,0.271588058863132
suicidewatch,CommandoDude6,2018/02/06,"13 Year Old Who Wants to Die I just want to kill myself. Asian kid of 13 who lives in a Canadian city leading a privileged life. Looking at myself, I see how hard my family has worked for me and then realize just how much I don't deserve it. My dad is a fucking drunk, and my mother Has legitimately wasted 10 years of her life by immigrating to Canada with me and helping me. I was addicted to gaming for a little over a year, and this October I told my mom that I was going to quit. She believes this, but she doesn’t know that I really am still gaming everyday for more than an hour. Please don’t try and persuade me that it is fine, because I know that it isn’t fine. I really just want to kill myself for being such a fucking burden to my family and society, although I do know just how deeply they will be hurt if I decided to do that. I am in the best private school in the city and am a relatively accomplished debater in Public Forum, but each time I receive an award I feel as if it’s just a fake piece of shit that doesn’t do anything for me. I want to go to a boarding school in the US next year, but really am not sure if I can make it since my 
Accomplishments are not outstanding enough for the school to notice me. Everyone in my family knows that my life has been leading up to this moment, but I know that I won’t be able to make it. I have a tournament in Stanford this weekend and a tournament in Harvard the next, but if I don’t get top 10 I probably won’t make it into the school. I am contemplating suicide, and when I talk about it at school everyone treats it as if it was a joke. I am a joke.",6.052411764705878,4.544455417647061,7.307058823529411,78.29676470588238,66.88235294117646,11.058823529411766,31.764705882352942,10.194018383442646,2.8105000000000007,1262,40,277,26,17,435,157,340,0.13699999999999998,0.757,0.105,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,1,0,1,9,12,17,5,0,21,0,33,8,1,8,1,50,54,27,4,9,17,3,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,24,12,1,0,8,6,0,5,10,8,0,0,5,4,46,9,41,43,6,35,0,1,2,2,18,15,3,5,15,205,70,11,0.09336720814068596,0.0,0.0,0.10178403839088156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683325689807574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056915783479467526,0.0,0.0,0.10519287081208888,0.09798312464466853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690042126892008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647328463728354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843273708445695,0.0,0.0,0.2640548830989283,0.0,0.047209265806642746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263295885383198,0.04878051266410454,0.0,0.10612547206901556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363867930540013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258207152042165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194789262671828,0.0,0.09995152738113428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065939646098288,0.0,0.2565608791534113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784406091845327,0.0,0.09357847100264312,0.08244495535477532,0.0,0.07840493970592285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869700093264828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935054573456272,0.0,0.0,0.06863564095206176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985941701710036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629918530185983,0.09797317888871314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248915689208353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066564198017944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930751865443743,0.0,0.0,0.17944027301677604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724629963785953,0.07440157659493826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958400974335806,0.07723431940408224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456317302849133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212857159481847,0.0,0.08799748871707536,0.0,0.0,0.0750450252164975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444316990603239,0.0,0.0,0.08921636854222847,0.0,0.06339020554302062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230925539212026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028159368930267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797243952450142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405016835137527
suicidewatch,soursolitude,2018/02/06,"No one understands how much I need to die  I have to. It's the only way. There is nothing on earth to live for. I have nothing. Nobody. All you fuckers will say I have family or friends I DONT. you can't lie to me and say that.  I don't want to meet someone worth it either.  All the people i like end up making me feel miserable.  I can never be happy. I am nothing. I have no skills, no talents, no remarkable traits.  I don't want a job. I don't want a home. I just want to die. That's it. That's all I want. That's the only thing.",-2.5138983050847443,-0.8838989152542389,0.7110000000000021,100.4736186440678,105.94915254237287,3.715932203389831,14.374576271186442,5.6839178017228535,-0.904621694915254,400,10,100,4,20,140,65,118,0.217,0.62,0.163,-0.6645,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,0,1,3,6,1,1,5,0,14,1,0,2,4,18,23,3,2,6,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,3,18,4,9,21,5,5,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,1,3,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277003342894901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850292754879412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398311091224319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883126466180635,0.0,0.07982675402134833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197446047389103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680617372191273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836231151906013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566673824522083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713014697018547,0.0,0.1394072341298866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538333022027384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160568870064249,0.11706291392146888,0.12176355870049267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544582977152694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698073585056493,0.24014333787403855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945120939840927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510983642335369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376766290768524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488567414185786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435428774546482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465596220742123,0.12531447079517807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsaneCookies21,2018/02/06,"Getting closer to the end. This is my life's summary past couple of years
I dont care how bad this is not even going to use proper grammer or whatever its called. Im a 21 year old male i dont have a job nor do i want one, i have social anxiety (most of the time looking at the ground) im ugly big ears big nose I have no friends I HATE MY FAMILY (they ruined my life in the first place) they are mean and always belittling me as early as me waking up they are out of touch and racist and paranoid all the time I CANT EVEN USE THE MIC BECAUSE OF THEM I have gone through so much stress i have bumps all over my body. Im almost every month losing weight due to the stress which makes it worse because im already way underweight. Stupid dad keeps snoring every night and doesnt do anything about it. I piss in like 3 different directions and my bladder is terrible, I drink a little bit and I feel like pissing. I tryed 7cups and subreddits, dont work. I waited an hour in queue for suicide text chat, didnt work. I called the suicide hotline twice and it went to the same stupid ass person, DOES NOT WORK. I have done almost everything I wanted to do. I hate the fact I have to be an adult. I hate jobs i hate all the stress, how that my 20s are supposed to be the best but my 10s were the best. While most ppl hate Monday I love Monday While most ppl love weekends I hate weekends. Because i have nothing to do and noone to talk to. I have no real reason to wake up the next day and the only things i barely like are video games, peanut butter sandwiches and telling myself that this torture will be over someday.",1.0194577511643388,3.244434721556889,2.3720459081836336,94.58092980705256,83.52095808383234,5.148236859614107,19.756819693945445,6.42735559955562,0.04801091151031267,1263,35,274,12,36,406,181,334,0.198,0.716,0.086,-0.9821,3,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,4,7,6,27,11,3,20,0,32,16,9,6,4,39,55,21,2,2,4,1,3,3,1,1,2,1,0,3,11,12,3,2,3,6,0,3,11,18,0,3,5,7,40,9,29,46,11,41,0,2,1,3,18,15,3,6,25,170,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536811843551038,0.0,0.08468071526138099,0.0,0.06385097505487601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870326746210064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314766028955245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407183224320374,0.1403337059514322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610605958661467,0.0,0.08377646191098037,0.08523703235303165,0.0,0.0,0.15671323913483845,0.0,0.07823804927092344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490755724840056,0.0,0.04948874061378592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017338508303834,0.0,0.0,0.06715269118355731,0.07852815541683304,0.26980407226875586,0.07517262653863101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796582607733996,0.0,0.0,0.10136756403301486,0.0,0.12930774288473945,0.0,0.06896588281610633,0.0,0.07234041060217945,0.0,0.038800316425890345,0.05482062229416188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527208885261224,0.0,0.0,0.05928648509243604,0.0,0.04009169162969885,0.0,0.043611162202668655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454568867545941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557006591084214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315546628318754,0.0,0.15229841391611648,0.06820699093238101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840262019832804,0.11246883874114247,0.07691020445911408,0.0,0.0,0.06443939379194086,0.08584859549509616,0.0,0.0,0.1385155042612612,0.0,0.05122225760886141,0.0,0.0,0.08358862289007916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612503995766336,0.0,0.056410209765623484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161021476728643,0.07201207444509806,0.0,0.0736308103296139,0.0,0.0805221237225329,0.0,0.05199868707384025,0.058361620808171324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732537407974493,0.0,0.06700341471076697,0.08017338508303834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873430185895834,0.0,0.0788979763656036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822327138213057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26370445151819777,0.0,0.0,0.16787470960607814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167794975916172,0.06707114613715891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098036861374275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949142434175847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209909519553145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325515201541893,0.0,0.0,0.09052243655885997,0.06090991897648222,0.0,0.0934444716147366,0.0,0.07113557093706807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675954148021882,0.0,0.07820112254929502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883167278551397
suicidewatch,SsSsirius,2018/02/06,I do not know what to do. I have been depressed for the past 3 years and I never took therapy or talked to someone. I want to kill myself because life is boring and meaningless and every day is the same. ,1.650714285714287,3.6407957380952425,3.3954761904761916,89.42035714285717,79.71428571428572,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.7767904761904759,159,5,33,2,4,53,32,42,0.284,0.688,0.028,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,9,9,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,7,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867227176879328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199606068733288,0.0,0.2665774696405695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26077255042137465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424230525678317,0.0,0.1700966619719308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861357340894227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871047062858625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295458947615914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622438281893811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487695772061333,0.0,0.0,0.3539476229366897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438730771043645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255493542140308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931201952586905
suicidewatch,ExistingAwareness,2018/02/06,"Need help to deal with suicidal thoughts So, I´m Always was this hyper sensitive guy. I Always deal with this sensibility, closing myself for everyone. Ultil I meet this girl and see in her the opportunity to trust. 13 years later our history became a history of intense abuse, cheating and violence. Pretty much like my mother, sometimes she love me with all of your heart, sometimes she hate me with the same intensity, one can never see when the hate will come, one word, one behavior.

I tolerate this, because in the timeline I lost my gramma and my mother, it´s like she was my only Family and the only person that sometimes can understand me. We have this moments, where she is just beautiful and at this moments I can se a purpose in my life. 

I´m a not easy person, ADHD with depression, after the abuses I became a alcohool adict.

But the fact is that I never hate, I don´t even know how to hate someone and hurt someone on purpose. For the tenth time she dumped me on a crisis, we pass like 20 days taking care of her sexuals issues, talking, with me showing to her where she is hurting herself, and after this 20 days in my birthday, after a lot of alcohool I just can´t face her hate and start to scream with her, she got away, block me from phone, im´s and stuff and I find myself sttrugling a lot with this classical suicidal thoughts, don´t even know what to do, I´m 3 days without sleep right and eat, finding motive to not end all. 
",7.2824939172749374,7.0216087335766435,7.3821751824817525,74.67097566909978,63.85401459854015,10.226374695863747,33.960097323600976,9.725611199111238,3.1805005352798053,1139,43,205,20,15,368,146,274,0.214,0.688,0.098,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,3,1,0,3,9,19,7,0,15,0,11,6,3,2,5,49,31,15,2,1,6,2,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,4,12,23,1,1,8,1,0,2,5,12,0,4,6,3,41,7,34,24,6,30,0,4,2,1,30,12,0,2,19,148,53,1,0.0,0.21926362018481066,0.0,0.0,0.11120195351862328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539831867959447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869341012740575,0.0,0.0,0.056404858445035275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433954724325644,0.0,0.0,0.07970559534694475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902077416232146,0.19078680360023811,0.07969514703325385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468033213367766,0.0,0.0,0.08195328641115653,0.0,0.0,0.12222914790362024,0.0,0.0,0.08841548566962773,0.0,0.0,0.08722816643815752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913977594460022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400394498057487,0.0,0.0,0.09161832052215163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567664705641433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964738606695322,0.06202028101009777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981085529757058,0.0,0.09994726692902783,0.09657630276109154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170310719804117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535601414396211,0.13561508019036744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100640341460096,0.15732980227807686,0.08351109262021933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801950839492386,0.06860912834733189,0.1427282364167748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810026482650166,0.14074504501920626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158561892762027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413532264390508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901931488174822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746736807862365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259588714433528,0.0,0.1567991509132057,0.0,0.2745408300652298,0.0,0.06549254757457075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592364062188743,0.20242355535973655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957034056426623,0.07437135651251592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691548205916086,0.05395444117810624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963260185879834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919471555834182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958568337761555
suicidewatch,deprimidaa,2018/02/06,"He is getting back with her I don't know how, but I'm killing myself today, I'm a useless engineer without a job, I don't have friends and to make it worse I love a man who doesn't love me back.

He was with me for 7 months, best relationship I ever had, we remained friends after we broke up, we kept hanging out and I was always hoping that we could get back, after 5 months he found another girl and started dating I was devastated and had the worse time of my life, it was during Christmas and I had to make an effort to hide all of this bs from my family.

As I'm a curious fucking person, I went through his instagram just to find how much better he treated her, and to find out that he introduced her to his parents and took her to his house, when I didn't have any of that in the 7 months I was his girlfriend.

On January, they broke up because she cheated on him and I started talking to him again because he was hurt, we started hanging out again and had the best time at a bar dancing and singing and he gave me roses, in a week we dated like 5 days, and guess what? she started liking his stuff on fb again, i asked and he said he had to meet with her because she owe him money but that he wouldn't go back to her, all of that changed yesterday when he told me he is getting back with her because she explained herself and has helped him a lot and I'm here dying from this pain because it is so unfair how someone can treat others that way.

You don't know how much money I spent on him and what I did to help him when he needed to be helped, I don't even know what I feel, if it's jealousy or just sadness, I can't deal with this I have tried before on december, I tried to forget but everytime I failed, I never stopped loving him, and it just fucks me up how he can be like that, if you only knew the pain I'm going through, I don't have friends that I can talk to and I know my mom will say that there are plenty of fish in the sea so I won't say anything to her.

He is the one I've loved the most, I don't know why I can't explain I know I sound so dumb and needy but I don't know how to deal with this, I've tried going out, dating, having hobbies and nothing seems to help.

I'm so sorry for my parents for having such a failure of a daughter, I swear that if I knew how to stop this feeling I would stop it but I don't know I feel so alone and so dumb and stupid. I don't have the strength, I need to go.",5.113661536299105,3.636584269449717,5.971747838920519,87.01269801110409,68.73434535104364,8.718223346686344,30.52421111813901,6.937597516519254,1.4953463911729563,1878,58,445,12,27,623,210,527,0.218,0.675,0.106,-0.997,4,1,0,0,0,1,40.0,6,2,1,6,32,32,7,0,18,0,48,10,0,9,4,97,103,48,2,9,13,4,3,3,4,4,3,4,0,3,27,38,1,4,19,3,4,9,17,15,0,1,23,7,81,17,58,73,8,60,0,6,0,6,83,16,4,9,37,305,108,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588481210376632,0.0,0.0,0.060965858124214574,0.0,0.0,0.04982558015482681,0.07682916261831539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029432275357175,0.0,0.06849682739640194,0.0,0.0,0.2816975266587268,0.0,0.22332117350145594,0.0,0.062346707242184114,0.0,0.15378304604648496,0.06480066838899716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750911656880409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849950790539565,0.0,0.0,0.047252583635772116,0.15107469123467754,0.0,0.0,0.07604187966020817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048393626893894114,0.06627620163315401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907169711393632,0.0,0.1111413530190791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393347414045734,0.0,0.0,0.0803359147675529,0.1698228462003478,0.13547242117882552,0.11484042562021893,0.0,0.16656233833202622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071430310989416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644324716548187,0.0,0.0,0.07277286480876746,0.0,0.08454283925108175,0.07843621232437313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270839237281004,0.0,0.08106153301329702,0.0,0.3221347646191647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175221488492912,0.1073869155513239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622908682693179,0.2645133163131297,0.0,0.09781554275404414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581202156437621,0.17544837024483312,0.0,0.10772261010493547,0.10865639221748133,0.0565097371522487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030378991500448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964911774745224,0.05572454126240424,0.15592722577392473,0.0,0.162713589584407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397585426978668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866371895527555,0.0,0.0,0.0696958039696074,0.1165332445407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670154347301271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620807699040527,0.0,0.0,0.08201888993444192,0.2074413159881327,0.0,0.0,0.18376903888944385,0.0,0.0,0.08387572410372209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778204267602127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544773944429977,0.0,0.06945065069164141,0.07001187684810288,0.08140479615214471,0.14923496673438014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058157694154022825,0.058772146448177125,0.0,0.0,0.06792129832954069,0.0661140721593541,0.0,0.0,0.07062891069225166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933518363336434,0.052048349650434665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skeletape,2018/02/06,"I feel like my life is over First off, a backstory on my health - I have two arguably chronic conditions ruining my life; type 1 diabetes and SMA syndrome. 

I thought I had something to live for; my mum, the most kind and gentle human being I’ve ever known, and I couldn’t bare breaking her heart. I’ve attempted before and was hospitalised, and her face as I came round was one I’ll never ever forget. But lately, as selfish as it sounds, all I can think is “I won’t be alive to see the aftermath this time, so why should I care?”

I had to drop out of uni, I have no job, I have one friend who actually cares about what happens to me (but only if I make conversation first), I don’t have good health or even a positive outlook to cling to, I don’t have a significant other and I don’t have any children. I’m 21 years old and I feel so alone and utterly deflated because nobody understands what it’s like to go through this. Everyone my age is thriving, enjoying themselves and getting to experience life. Whereas I’m in pain every single day - mental and physical. 

I feel like my life is over, it almost was before I was diagnosed with SMA syndrome, and a big part of me is ashamed I hadn't slipped away. Why do I continue to torture myself every single day? 

I guess I just want somebody to care, other than my mum. She knows I suffer, but she doesn’t know the extent. And I’m too frightened to tell her. 
",4.274859587130372,5.004984787985869,5.563116979728477,81.70694811233031,70.37809187279152,8.784749860517017,29.73572624139855,8.99025400887824,2.3426084805653704,1097,42,222,20,19,368,161,283,0.085,0.799,0.115,0.6094,1,1,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,8,16,1,1,7,0,29,12,2,1,4,42,51,22,0,4,6,2,4,3,1,2,10,1,0,2,10,15,0,0,9,0,0,2,9,6,0,5,9,6,39,10,28,37,6,26,0,2,2,0,13,8,0,5,17,149,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.10962856798877373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249324013514136,0.11635135048589455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763957026319046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554802649907716,0.0,0.0,0.06848200426050614,0.0,0.19118775904873825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848812605575588,0.3436172762959339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490124617958686,0.0,0.0,0.11402370590440278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742001421353671,0.2032376532618492,0.18930420184757016,0.10734659802794193,0.0,0.10989101181860528,0.0,0.0,0.17040888894758946,0.16051280328098871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911143201096846,0.0,0.0,0.08679434417763704,0.0,0.05869351297427021,0.0,0.06384595437397766,0.09422626417912056,0.0,0.0,0.12375622881588345,0.0,0.09934273666046346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882636653255496,0.0,0.13312457413766246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148106465186716,0.0,0.0,0.11698581851326552,0.12347930324530422,0.0,0.12672549195454258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173989590572557,0.1646523500885247,0.0,0.09919912261068614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498846068420938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321326109381105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664427111285862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788293587300988,0.0,0.1522502788160044,0.08544035955734933,0.11953869814889273,0.0,0.0,0.12165430814631728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952119735294567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648555665628176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981909474501782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198354867969002,0.0,0.0891861707100458,0.06550691505117187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974079054346847,0.11695089744384428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626160669027761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274047911837528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234389262597657
suicidewatch,Snaphance,2018/02/06,"Meds not working? So currently I'm on 30mg Paroxetin (morning) and 100mg Quetiapin (evening). Diagnosed w/ severe depressive episodes. anxiety-disorder, severe insomnia and alexithymia. (And some self-harm)


When I started taking paro, I thought ""wow, do normal people always feel like this?"" I was so energetic and enjoyed live for a brief moment.

Now, about 5 months later, I can't feel anything. Somtimes I don't eat for days, that I'm eating until I have to vomit. I don't feel stress, sadness, remorse, pain, nothing.
I'm never hungry nor full (I feel physical fullness though)
I cut pretty deep into flesh when I was cutting my nails and didn't notice it until it bleed like hell.
Put boiling water in my mouth... nothing.

I'm starting to think about suicide again. The drugs did change my view, but it dosn't matter at which perspective your looking at it, shit remains shit.

What should I do, I#m fucked up beyond repair and I don't want to put anyone through all this shit, just to be close to me.",3.259283314669652,5.8543250851063835,4.0232026875699916,83.84184210526318,77.40425531914894,6.08555431131019,27.447928331466965,7.273561745256523,1.7197723404255318,788,33,136,10,19,251,129,188,0.211,0.7190000000000001,0.07,-0.9807,1,0,1,0,0,1,45.0,0,1,0,1,12,15,7,1,2,0,13,16,5,0,2,24,29,15,1,3,3,0,4,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,6,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,5,6,17,4,19,22,4,28,1,2,2,1,1,11,5,1,16,83,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825719365356926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097194627046996,0.0,0.10706474698092862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763309006837995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390650529131975,0.0,0.11205863633750764,0.1320531180380072,0.0,0.0,0.1491107907139525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508796737201929,0.2662583432452961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593265803914027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631385575883454,0.09294653243443382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027932178362127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712477081858986,0.0,0.11488447374582195,0.0,0.10925483795129644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451653886204874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384800486801267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034445091774223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747458272355122,0.2496771548397373,0.1481245991396663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844014007052127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019793464135806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236283863389742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615814976704858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572715158882126,0.2939616352299416,0.4006505592740597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841769755042536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490340272839928,0.0,0.0,0.14231297902453932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782223615090012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336557714203098,0.12782680663564724,0.10328827531711353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673888250040971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947174743486564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lisasiess,2018/02/06,"Not certain where to post this. Thoughts for survivors of suicide victims. WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL I have noticed a lot of documentaries and news articles from survivors of someone who committed suicide. They never seem 'guilty' and rather seem to make it about themselves, and not the victim. It makes me wonder if this is a reason why someone may feel suicidal or alone.  That because they are so self-involved they are incapable of seeing someone else is in pain.",5.648125,8.802269562500003,4.977500000000003,77.18750000000001,72.125,7.0,36.25,8.07648339933343,3.40475,375,21,55,6,8,113,61,80,0.315,0.6459999999999999,0.039,-0.9804,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,3,0,4,4,2,0,3,0,6,1,0,3,3,22,14,6,3,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,10,12,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,7,1,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559536614386892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335180951636133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163138059601393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572601041002235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441393543442339,0.0,0.0,0.2263424731284953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307619760904753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930257738615776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040565392802166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237528141513236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431839135039293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510378144458016,0.30869107068457885,0.17687027422607268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430959577532684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563574126034941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345981652589297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298614289522314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838620985462064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,algiuxass,2018/02/06,"My internet friend is going to suicide today! WHAT TO DO??? He's only 13 years old, from Romania, he doesn't have parents, only brother, he has girl friend which helps him and her mom helps him too. He is bullied everyday. He has no friends, he's color blind, he says that everybody judges him, he feels like a ghost, everybody ignores him, he uses drugs to escape reality. Everybody hates him. He said he looks ugly, and that's kinda the reason everybody is so rude to him. HOW TO HELP HIM?",1.7777607655502408,4.354597589473684,3.552918660287084,84.97224880382775,83.6315789473684,6.822966507177035,23.3732057416268,8.00094639256281,1.6315263157894735,381,14,72,8,11,127,62,95,0.235,0.586,0.179,-0.8353,1,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,2,0,8,2,0,3,0,8,14,4,2,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,6,9,4,6,13,0,5,0,0,3,0,31,0,0,1,5,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290345830729193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998607505266466,0.14109236704523082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577586042674898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224247094005184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498805018720428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971355532495206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648738019102512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658482924961786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313068712459263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072405704291138,0.0,0.0,0.3004117384963728,0.0,0.0,0.21929777803759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306048663163725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786550020949253,0.1570580654054179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603038376923664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720468792855294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705745662065374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271820171752492
suicidewatch,gloomyghast,2018/02/06,"I’m feeling suicidal over my height. I’m a girl who is 170cm (5’7) in height. I understand that realistically that isn’t that tall, but I can’t stop feeling insecure over it. I had a boyfriend who made fun of me for my height and I was okay with my height before that, I never gave it any thought, but now I just feel too tall. I haven’t grown in height since I was 11, I’m 16 now and I started puberty pretty early, so I suspect I probably didn’t even reach my full height potential. The rest of my family is a lot taller, for example, my sister is 6’2. 

I know it’s a trivial thing, but I can’t even go outside anymore because I feel too insecure. I’m overweight as well by a bit (not obese) but I weigh more than most men that I know. My ex boyfriend was 170cm (5’7) in height as well, and it was his insecurity so he would instead take out his frustrations on me. 

I used to have a restricting eating disorder but now I’ve gained a whole lot of weight from binge eating. I never used to pay attention to what I looked like and didn’t give any effort at all. I really don’t know what to do. I had two suicide attempts last year. I feel so selfish, because it sounds like such a trivial thing but I honestly can’t get it out of my mind.

I’ve been crying all morning, but really, what would it matter if I died? I feel so worthless. ",1.755625741399765,3.3083462277580082,3.6737588967971533,89.57737618623962,77.82562277580071,7.245610913404509,24.163849347568213,8.07648339933343,1.2029180308422305,1034,35,235,18,24,350,140,281,0.206,0.67,0.124,-0.984,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,3,16,13,1,3,9,1,22,6,0,3,4,46,47,18,3,3,10,2,7,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,19,7,6,2,13,0,1,2,11,6,2,1,12,9,37,7,25,33,10,32,0,1,1,0,11,20,0,4,12,153,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679352471127254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162207099960932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951567269350524,0.0,0.10435429976682684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338868731525958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471001181508355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727692376872268,0.0,0.14055161043547226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509747199100956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199999233552104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561041320164955,0.0,0.37205102185721795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407230753433069,0.11764373451661622,0.06969692928868698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021928018295547,0.09996480029172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982762065201248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298344840367336,0.0,0.0,0.208521675887774,0.0,0.11604125553831016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382751471797357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916906157123847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476501561509085,0.13222247202500345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571276688014446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144586013554807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868024721360261,0.0,0.0,0.10252928192683212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26828800641450745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922070948827821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294796868155004,0.0,0.0,0.09735937530350937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979766288387016,0.1276685188484602,0.0,0.2118364533456341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493377475308944,0.22052918756530848,0.0,0.0,0.13691884081305006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742343524475697,0.0,0.0,0.07897363612558245
suicidewatch,TriggeredNinja,2018/02/06,"An online friend won’t eat and I don’t know how to help her. I have known this person for about a year, never heard her speak but she seems to be telling the truth about a lot of things. We have a big discord community and we all play video games.  She says she is 20 years old and that her parents left her when she is young. She says she doesn’t deserve to eat because she’s worthless. I have no idea how to help her. I know roughly were she lives but I’m pretty far away from her. She doesn’t want to see a doctor, she says she doesn’t deserve it. She says she is shaking from hunger and when she plays games you can see it in her crosshair, she is like shaking the entire time. Any ideas for help, really desperate


Edit: thanks for the suggestions and offers everyone. ",2.6070827285921614,4.153128169811325,3.057987421383647,94.92265602322209,75.47798742138366,6.150169327527817,21.664731494920176,6.67199483983844,0.1845129172714084,605,15,137,5,13,187,91,159,0.113,0.7040000000000001,0.183,0.9128,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,8,0,15,4,0,2,3,22,24,11,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,6,0,1,5,7,3,0,6,5,0,2,7,3,0,0,2,9,29,6,15,20,2,15,0,1,2,0,42,5,0,2,9,87,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164846831412044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043715624822067,0.0,0.0,0.0911188797320441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299451195373226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059015139656972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283024950823525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154844034420978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30057083815644764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374792991276929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429565552733313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624055722328292,0.0,0.0,0.07302618085496543,0.0,0.13198960836927762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707872803201925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152847233993154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568493967468128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597485773123638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051624437495327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520703247732757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957578352701831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754756805012256,0.0,0.0,0.2382252477320048,0.13607688474777635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064817871646392,0.13761696122726866,0.0,0.0,0.09930488284871296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716036831309942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816452491512974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251464739433286
suicidewatch,stitchlover25,2018/02/06,"WHY CANT I JUST DIE. Why is everything so difficult? Even commiting suicide is fucken hard mann. ive tried it sevral times and im still alive, shit it dont even suprise me, im such a pussy. I cant get my life together like everyone else, why cant i just be happy mann.. Everyone thinks im happy nobody even asks how i be doing & when i feel like breaking down and crying, i have to go to the restroom with the water running so noone can hear me... I sometimes try and talk to people about it but they dont understand, no one understands how i feel.. ",-0.026318840579712344,2.274386252173916,2.1756521739130434,93.11942028985509,90.82608695652176,5.849275362318841,19.84057971014493,7.3011,0.6590405797101448,429,14,94,8,15,144,75,115,0.131,0.779,0.09,-0.5334,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,0,13,6,1,0,3,0,13,3,1,2,1,15,22,9,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,4,13,4,6,20,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406923640033444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139217257697953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426340701846803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476374497419116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043663430942796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847296926117778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572939972912441,0.0,0.0,0.2481543791101069,0.11670076015437728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131207014939555,0.09276482853012348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784123827626938,0.0,0.07379671762975945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764553675982549,0.11632004794499612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635032818260185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207806774008098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917168581282678,0.12687625087290394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087989685055254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002160405154691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328910524544132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842491845787188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369833590910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420347672048457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043684692741535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320260332843038,0.0,0.0,0.07571654868704243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631918172890726,0.0,0.0,0.2703567497685645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515081425985917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dead-Timmy,2018/02/06,"Nothing good left Im alone. Nobody even knows I exist. Just here waiting to decline and decay, go through motions, feed dog, watch reruns, pay cable bill, again again again. Invisible. Silent. 
Will let dog go. Hope he runs. Hope he finds family with children and love. That would be nice. He was a good boy and my only friend. He deserved better. 

Thanks for listening. Now someone knows.",1.5153076923076938,3.9877747285714333,1.8500000000000008,91.3896153846154,101.71428571428572,3.8681318681318686,19.67032967032967,5.873414542411696,0.2315934065934071,301,10,53,3,13,91,57,70,0.124,0.627,0.249,0.9167,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,12,15,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,4,1,1,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,9,4,10,0,10,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,2,5,23,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259469957295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008132078460105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195416106403128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260962954018252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643510086240887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660484462463934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429060725937596,0.36053327923126255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42693270313484816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321529793980135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362313655542643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335137224355898,0.21977262695177255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397577903089885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622375625798653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345810416165862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821029787509244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978715905165092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267464506420436,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slugfromoverwatch,2018/02/06,"i think i’m at the end of the line i’m 17. i’ve been depressed since i was a young boy and recently my suicidal ideation has become unbearable. last friday i told my psychiatrist that that week was going to be the last week of my life, and of course, she admitted me to a hospital ward where i had to stay without internet access or a phone or anything. 

a bit of backstory, i finally decided to go and get help in the last quarter of last year and upon a bit of review, i was forced to drop out of school. which, on one hand, was good, because it took a lot of stress off of my shoulders. on the other hand, it was bad because in my secluded mind, i became a failure, and i could never achieve the job that i wanted. 

it feels like, if i think of my life as a tree... all of the branches coming off of that tree - getting a job, going back to school, anything at all - all of the branches lead back to one thing. death by suicide. 

in my time at the ward, i learned a few things about myself and where i was at, mentally. it felt like being at the ward wiped my brain, like a hard drive format or something. i think being at the ward with all of the other mentally troubled kids forced me to put on the façade of being a “normal” person, so they would let me out sooner rather than later. 

at the ward, i manipulated many of the people i met, and lied and cheated through every day that i was there. i don’t feel bad about it, i don’t want to be in a place like that. besides, if i’m never seeing these people again, it can’t hurt to get as much of a benefit from them as i can. right?

my mind is scattered right now and i think there’s a lot more wrong with me than just social anxiety disorder and depression. i’m not even sure why i’m posting this. i think it might fulfil my constant need for attention. 

also on friday, while i was being driven to the ward by my psychiatrist, i admitted a lot of things to her that i regret. 

if someone who recognises me from this post or has an idea of who i am sees this - please, help me

there is something wrong with me

a month ago i think i overdosed on valium or something, i had a bad trip it got taken away from me though

i haven’t killed myself yet because suicide is so hard it’s soHARD. i wish i had a gun. guns are too hard to get here. 

i think the only solace i have left in my life is my cat, i care more about him than any of my family members or anyone i’ve ever met

i tell my mum constantly that if something happens to him i will die 

my mum doesn’t understand my situation right now i think i hate her my sister is in turkey and i strongly dislike her as well

no matter how i get help, it’s a lose lose lose lose lose lose situation for me there’s nothing i can do

no matter what life i picture for myself it’s all wrong nothing went right

i might delete this
sorry",2.3993952769807976,3.624880778341794,4.075812918413892,88.72440576031782,75.39593908629442,7.034223497388363,23.67692930184654,7.586124646067393,0.9275389244464064,2184,64,482,28,46,734,253,591,0.203,0.7170000000000001,0.079,-0.9975,2,0,4,2,0,2,56.0,0,0,2,10,27,31,3,1,38,0,42,8,4,3,9,78,87,31,6,13,14,3,8,4,0,4,4,0,0,3,33,17,0,0,18,0,0,11,11,21,1,3,21,10,81,10,81,54,14,75,0,10,2,0,27,32,0,15,32,341,114,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153489914383953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649209858882315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039535120177614375,0.0,0.04447460827086815,0.0,0.0,0.0406507077843401,0.0,0.09568351391727467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054621579073066376,0.08940745324456084,0.1456257767279977,0.10631923688776912,0.06420769462333438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269409859754621,0.0,0.0,0.0649000641903645,0.0,0.0,0.05927449601417278,0.0,0.0,0.05007983535809751,0.0,0.12565078067298147,0.0,0.04641762460536187,0.0,0.0,0.037493523746999484,0.0,0.1001465411529032,0.0,0.0603369763393871,0.0,0.06662998242099129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514920824900789,0.0,0.0,0.03839890773244496,0.05258820044524283,0.048982888515547864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480634320334578,0.0,0.0587915783373144,0.041533049302104816,0.0558205899054122,0.06368618794224852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187078651954608,0.0,0.09912170680038536,0.048762516082330315,0.04649743050465725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051410313634634934,0.0,0.15623786609665033,0.057398202832264315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690391803720572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223680829977379,0.06562954105338434,0.0,0.0,0.11538390607587208,0.0,0.06431992240740407,0.0,0.0,0.18955749750625828,0.0,0.0,0.06316596720274636,0.05944897114098379,0.16425539079128526,0.11361111029401318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39024226285669095,0.0,0.14827786984173388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894174320459174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717674499597353,0.12334823508707987,0.11740349474944667,0.0,0.046404359507988616,0.0,0.042737348196560346,0.043107812403143486,0.08967760104658305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696186818757616,0.11156794460173272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879020498140245,0.044215770871223095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060968318641014,0.05076294303372074,0.06074073981690424,0.06381691383239428,0.0,0.0,0.11135825674963584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844369313578514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740322526836485,0.0,0.0,0.19859455347706925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767539608364774,0.0926552456188701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048091486512117525,0.13069673719175404,0.0,0.059263300030651785,0.04925924979195218,0.17902666030882386,0.0,0.0650795567320366,0.0,0.0619662542364924,0.0,0.0,0.06659568077210122,0.0,0.0,0.19077716465619984,0.0,0.054793388151663625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050814257530964906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587082056707393,0.29801448508955225,0.0571192590307126,0.0,0.033900123564427904,0.0,0.0,0.05555234793953411,0.06459229152793852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060522616142433226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858135977318472,0.0,0.0932679104068572,0.0,0.05227210077944286,0.05389353588525865,0.05245955551604994,0.0,0.06685462432915704,0.0560419459955181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129882185179305,0.19069088778245644,0.0,0.037438290251289086
suicidewatch,Meryam12TRD,2018/02/06,"I know suicide is the best idea. Im just not sure how I'm 27, jobless, procrastinate all the time, lives in a third world country where finding a job beside a call center would be a miracle, I studied a lot and now I can't do anything with my life. 
I was gonna marry someone sweet and I cheated on him, he found out so he leaked my sex tape to everyone in my friends list. And I'm in a muslim country. I'm such a disappointement for my parents who have done everything for me, I'm on antidepressants but now it seems more like reason instead of an impulsive thought, why would I continue to live? It sucks anyway.. 
I'm a worthless crazy slut who can't do anything but hurt people who loves her.. 
",3.0536363636363646,4.373591566433569,4.498181818181816,85.96727272727274,73.89510489510491,7.437762237762238,29.08391608391609,8.00094639256281,1.8374811188811184,546,23,115,8,11,182,98,143,0.187,0.696,0.118,-0.8855,3,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,2,0,11,0,11,4,0,2,2,22,23,7,1,2,4,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,4,1,13,6,12,15,4,13,0,3,0,3,11,9,1,2,5,72,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969044395874487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893166181295969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420657324401726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846098324859736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237806240074302,0.16213013035066826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488054457547124,0.0,0.0,0.19779714460257686,0.13937508175890098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311983782213216,0.2036474342244928,0.1948608446245752,0.0,0.17901722338754264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914204749403834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274204739028176,0.08813337233286409,0.0,0.31858955684898016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336796642119874,0.1628162784586444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031067985566955,0.0,0.0,0.12506528989139665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547923509755845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422760452433746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152850677773209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973261810016128,0.0,0.17002302210945608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432158967528516,0.10519155052712358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278117612784984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562991900178272,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadvyas,2018/02/06,"i'm giving my self 3 months IDK why i wanna die but ya i don't want to live anymore there is nothing here except my tears, in these 3 months if things change ill live.i don't think anything will change.i have no friends. now i really don't know what i want.i don't  want anyone because i'm scared of human beings. every human is a good actor.fake emotions ;( my family will miss me but its fine they will be happy later on. 
ok, here's why i'm posting .what should i do in these three months. i'm anyway gonna die but i wanna experience stuff.help me out.",1.3415797101449307,3.557519730434784,2.82054347826087,91.90965579710146,82.1304347826087,5.224637681159421,19.14855072463768,6.42735559955562,0.024985507246376937,439,11,92,4,12,143,77,115,0.209,0.636,0.155,-0.597,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,1,1,1,14,1,0,0,0,13,25,4,2,6,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,13,5,9,18,0,10,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169717289452595,0.11400509780040567,0.0,0.13417242843466098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939093036016763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248035836418127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384306578397381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834040703686499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737273715840795,0.0,0.0,0.1594896355737973,0.15370464273655365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596843084499096,0.0,0.0,0.15640795394901727,0.0,0.13675470165125847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356480397884835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928585942289927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960545885230309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879440575273714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904237219292472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644640805750806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615237278249286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445102447228764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323683610244974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009185606570748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186647914360152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832008388015787,0.10447287504444208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28850511052744965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942461316492509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MisanthropicMartini,2018/02/06,"Suicide Seems Inevitable. I've been having thoughts of suicide since the second grade. Of course, they weren't as developed as they are now, but they were there, and were quite constant/persistent. I remember staying up at night, thinking about how if I'm going to die eventually, I might as well kill myself now, since it would be easier to go when I was young and unconnected, and less people would care. 

These thoughts never left me. They've become far more developed with age. I never had many friends, nor was I ever a very good student; my parents always felt I was a disappointment, and had very little trouble in making that apparent to me. I thought I might be retarded, as I was constantly treated as such by my peers. People got the idea that I was, based on my autistic social/behavioral patterns, as well as my shitty work ethic. As I continually found myself quite academically inept, and year after shitty year, the feelings of worthlessness got worse, and the suicidal thoughts increased correspondingly. 

The only thing that keeps me going now, in my second to last year of high school, is knowing that after all this shit, I can finally put myself to rest. I don't want to live in a world I wasn't made strong enough for. Life will be nothing but disappointment after disappointment for me. I see myself as unfit to exist as a member of society; I will prove to be nothing but another leach. I am unmotivated, unintelligent, and ultimately unnecessary. That is why I see my own suicide as something inevitable. I want nothing more than a release from my unnecessary, meaningless existence. Death gives me comfort; I really can't see any other future for myself, though I know life has the potential to be pleasant, I don't see that being the case for me. I plan on killing myself by the time I'm no longer a burden to my parents, nor anyone, and can truly be at peace. 


I don't know whether my mind can be changed; I've thought about solutions, careers and occupations that I might be skilled at or that might bring me some form of happiness, but ultimately nothing seems to help. Death seems like the ultimate and only cure for a creature as utterly pointless as myself. ",7.673227507533362,7.882544646039605,7.821325871717608,70.27313603099442,62.93564356435643,10.689453293155402,35.88204907447265,10.374825546531014,3.7977211795092547,1743,74,298,37,23,567,206,404,0.245,0.659,0.096,-0.9977,3,0,1,0,0,5,54.0,0,0,3,6,13,20,3,0,16,0,42,3,1,3,5,54,76,35,9,5,7,2,2,1,1,8,2,0,0,0,13,11,0,1,18,0,0,6,11,9,2,2,22,6,51,11,54,37,10,43,0,4,4,0,8,14,1,10,23,220,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258065052277327,0.0,0.0,0.051145301890291664,0.0788641236867041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258850137153067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830634107203124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668149178300257,0.0,0.07956208746276408,0.0,0.0,0.1625503370522003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805598809770838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771191764477826,0.0,0.0,0.06803164820432354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03802837842859592,0.0,0.07221328554410246,0.08238875445211058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246375858849274,0.058106971758922536,0.0,0.0,0.072148176348803,0.12823053516496466,0.06308248450381912,0.12030443360736745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006232272236724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041160157778134,0.07946337441735944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490280730187925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685000282424569,0.16641719232458502,0.0,0.12400016016829928,0.06130609564338246,0.0,0.0,0.08171576176480128,0.0,0.10624593413889354,0.036743751555412325,0.07538006463886104,0.06641170770588294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116541312390941,0.05020318326623313,0.07625102027249732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191432171103138,0.07594054545628617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601300205283425,0.0,0.0,0.07057938364129131,0.0,0.2886636581499966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144010155710182,0.0,0.0,0.16702335698024626,0.0,0.0,0.10428213100978846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560670906233391,0.0,0.15998994416322435,0.0,0.0,0.04818137916372312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519814013565284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761164204221344,0.2397301683974387,0.20540476800520494,0.0,0.0,0.07720186771735127,0.12442879065322017,0.0,0.0,0.07666700790247896,0.0,0.05790024506546222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016373203616776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290696351760021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996610668821978,0.04819145843970185,0.07389333164414437,0.2985412443539339,0.04385548965151718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411206599050813,0.08872147938056156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524544065092442,0.0,0.06786522443450405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475369313175965,0.0,0.07664529972392761,0.10685389101305047,0.0,0.0,0.14529810319707132
suicidewatch,mintnebula,2018/02/06,"Am I in the Wrong Place? New to Reddit. Trying to find a place to connect, but I can't seem to relate to a single post I've read here. Am I in the wrong place? 

I am not suicidal due to a lost relationship; Nor due to anger towards someone or betrayal of some kind; Nor due to a recent loss. I think it is a huge mistake to assume we can derive meaning from another human being or relationship. 

I am just tired. I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted, regardless of what may change in my external world. 

I just don't understand the trite, and frankly unsubstantiated, answers people give to dissuade suicidal individuals here.  No job, relationship, or selfless charity can address the fundamentally existential experience of being a conscious person on this earth. Nobody ""exists to help others."" Making meaning out of your trauma is a coping mechanism, not a truth.  

I would love for someone to prove me wrong here, or make a real suggestion. Please. 

**A few notes: Yes, I am in therapy. Yes, I take medication. Yes, I work out and do yoga and tai chi, and eat right (or at least, as much as chronic illness allows). Yes, I meditate every single day. Yes I have hobbies. Yes, I do volunteer work. Yes, I have attended support groups. And yes, I am in a relationship.**


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suicidewatch,_Throwawaykid,2018/02/06,Sorry for making everything about myself I'm 18 today and the only people to wish me a happy birthday was Reddit people that I don't know. It's off to a rotten start and probably won't get better. Maybe I'll meet some woman today that wants to have sex and then it'll be the best birthday ever and I won't be a virgin anymore. I know I'm making everything about myself but that was all I wanted in life and I always liked women since I was a kid and was waiting for this moment since I've been kind of hypersexual my whole life.,2.5388293650793616,3.976085303571432,4.750833333333336,83.16638888888892,75.42857142857143,6.406349206349208,19.58730158730159,6.937597516519254,0.3999075396825398,422,8,83,4,9,147,69,112,0.049,0.847,0.103,0.7577,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,6,0,12,4,0,2,2,18,24,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,10,5,10,14,4,8,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,7,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699585041945826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751999395171657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539450053864875,0.15624202874635842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979971284563085,0.0,0.0,0.31754248343958785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229792185314814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805859505804876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839649287954076,0.1941761960374119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495613470280734,0.08630749220997025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23584477170937604,0.0,0.1774794131636566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435841935353438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449485648245048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904701088478024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29227110530081285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977571848789352,0.12504134934703656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33490736535857096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839811032760305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723535730027048,0.20315108103624496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WiseGoldMan,2018/02/06,"I keep crashing down after trying to pick myself up. I Got hospitalized last fall and I'm dealing with so many medical bills that I don't even know what to do with. I'm trying to go back to college to steer my mind into a positive direction, however they dropped me from my classes because they have to have a meeting to see if my tuition from last semester can apply for this semester. Once (and if) that goes through I'm afraid that I'll fall behind in course work. Aside from trying to see the positive, when I go home all I can think about is going to sleep to ignore my reality. I used to have such a bright outlook on the future but my mental illness (bipolar disorder) makes it so hard to be keep a straight and happy face. On top of that, I made the mistake of smoking too much weed which has impacted my memory severely (or so the doctors tell me, but I'm thinking I also have severe brain fog from depression). I've dropped out of school before and I'm not ready to spend the rest of my life working at some menial fast food job or stocking shelves at Wal-Mart.... this is so hard to put into the right words. ",4.981251580278126,5.261350690265488,5.847307206068269,81.8924778761062,68.64601769911505,8.935018963337546,31.18710493046776,8.841846274778883,2.398510493046776,880,34,178,14,14,290,139,226,0.1,0.83,0.07,-0.7854,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,3,11,6,0,1,10,0,12,9,3,4,1,31,31,16,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,9,9,1,3,3,0,3,6,2,4,0,0,2,5,20,2,39,28,4,28,0,1,3,0,5,13,0,5,7,115,29,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876385626622348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458012962398587,0.0,0.08290792450179074,0.0,0.1157309899443223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182754634712134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021609436570434,0.11714166856443373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587452601676874,0.13920778529707456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983060365435178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445885474616215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23188583433597926,0.0,0.10877632977774493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478079249586567,0.24366911550231646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364249908550704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349648537793532,0.2417765575152671,0.0,0.0,0.0747452769639466,0.2217258957838492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606497801365398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286920558888157,0.09078498364711826,0.1378886193690992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701161954625068,0.13706194210761896,0.0,0.13732717188153465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997997374908124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484182766684006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367234784582502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614828177936605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376452155763696,0.21675816155188776,0.0,0.0,0.3072958726808889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361041057840755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887513728411005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429415753091482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27701720264694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746541592806448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980278066920717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HowDoesThatWorkDude,2018/02/06,"Dumb Questions I'm 22, male and I've been considering suicide for a long time. I've tried twice and I still haven't changed my mind. I failed out of college about a year ago, and incurred $10K in debt. I've been doing semi better life wise, I'm in school full time but no job. I just had a question as to if I kill myself, does my debt transfer to anyone and if I can get through this. I'm not in good standing with my parents but I don't want to dump my debt on them if that's what happens. I'm not sure what to do. ",-0.7871794871794862,1.0640302820512844,1.4345299145299144,100.80769230769232,88.05982905982907,3.9418803418803416,19.256410256410245,4.713530739802397,-0.7253282051282053,401,12,102,1,13,134,76,117,0.262,0.682,0.056,-0.9743,5,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,2,3,8,3,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,19,15,10,2,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,12,4,15,12,1,13,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,5,6,58,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567054775739208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464568536357823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852472513411739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157720213718626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832967930624652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943237530251712,0.0,0.0,0.17568217307973902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852216896026087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785325477885985,0.0,0.23173258167758065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794531903128832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185362409680434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149135382918124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325766537269642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692784286732071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198115851004587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672722300150137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291114128470041,0.0,0.1974102707217372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442715369902113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220721318068738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354286945913374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488311752887208
suicidewatch,ngrec,2018/02/06,"I feel so hopeless Last week I had to take a leave from college due to my anxiety and depression. I am a 21 year old male and I live at home with my parents, brother and sister. I have a girlfriend of 2 years now that goes to the same college as me. My whole life just feels like a nightmare. I absolutely hate waking up. I look forward to nothing besides being asleep. This all started almost 3 months ago now. I currently take 50mg of Zoloft and Valium as needed. Before my depression started I was having extreme anxiety. I would worry about such irrational things and I drove myself crazy to the point of having to be taken by ambulance to a psychiatric center. Luckily I was able to get out of there fairly quickly. I then started to have ocd which ultimately led to my decision to take a leave from school. It was so bad I was afraid to touch anything or my girlfriend because I was afraid I was contaminated. I couldn't stop washing my hands and taking showers constantly. I also had to double check everything and take pictures to make sure I locked my dorm room and car. I would constantly check my car throughout the night to make sure it was still there and was locked. Ever since I came home my ocd has gotten a lot better. I am now just extremely depressed to the point where I no longer eat or do any activities I used to enjoy video games and music. I have zero sex drive and I haven't had sex with my girlfriend in over a month. Along with my depression I have constant anxiety about my girlfriend being at college still while I am home now. I keep fearing something bad will happen because I am no longer there. I am now an hour and a half away from her and I can't even see her everyday anymore and it makes me more depressed. Not being able to be there and being reminded every single day of it makes me so sad. We had plans to do so many things while in college and I feel like I ruined everything. She is still by my side and has been trying to help me. I feel like she will get tired of this and move on from me and I would not even blame her. This is also the second time in 2 years in which I have had to take a leave from school. All the people I graduated high school with will graduate from their colleges this spring and I have to wait another year now. I hate my life so much and everyday I just wish I was dead. I feel so hopeless. I have completely lost all my motivation to do even the simplest of tasks. I regret leaving school so much now. My parents are really stressed out because they don't know how to help me and I won't eat or get out of bed. All of this feels like a bad dream and I can't wake up. I cry every single day. I feel like I am only living for the sake of my parents and girlfriend. As much as I would like to die I feel too much guilt to do anything to myself. If anyone has any advice for me I would appreciate it greatly. Thank you for reading.

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suicidewatch,That-Alex,2018/02/06,"I lost happiness, is there another reason to stay alive? I'm not suicidal, at least not enough to plan out a concrete way to actually end it. I have many friends who care about me, my family is here to support me and i'm pretty open about how i've been feeling (except for that i started cutting, right here is the first time i've mentioned that to anyone)

But i've always lived life with the premise that, even tho we all die eventually and on a cosmic scale our lifes are meaningless (and possibly pre-planned) it feels good to be happy, even if it is just hormones, so being alive is worth it. 

However, at about the start of August last year, i lost that happiness. I thought it was temporary, but now i am at a point where neither music nor videogames, my two great obsessions, excite me anymore. And even tho i have all these people i will leave behind i know that mathematically, they will stop being sad within weeks (except for my mom who is the best mom in the world, she will never forget me)

And i know it's selfish and all that, but in the end, life is meaningless if my brain doesn't give me happiness. There's 8 billion people, it won't be such a shame if one mediocre human is gone.

Or do any of you have any ideas on what could give me back this spark? I need some feeling that isn't pain to stay alive much longer

(also sorry if none of this makes sense, i'm known to rant)

EDIT: It's not that i completely lost all emotion btw, im still happy when i hang out with friends or play games, but it's all so numbed down that it doesnt feel worth it considering how much i now wallow in self pity/harm and just generally sadness. Felt like needing to mention that. I still have feelings, just the bad ones are so much stronger now and the good ones always fleet away so fast",4.112833333333335,5.043276838888894,4.677666666666667,87.17399999999998,70.8888888888889,7.76,26.066666666666666,7.976525956113202,1.306513333333334,1402,42,298,18,25,447,195,360,0.107,0.6759999999999999,0.217,0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,1,7,31,28,1,2,12,0,30,6,1,4,6,60,55,29,2,7,18,2,6,1,2,4,5,0,0,2,27,14,0,1,12,2,2,2,11,12,0,6,8,6,30,16,35,38,14,43,0,5,0,0,18,18,0,7,21,205,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.08229819241594141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744217560686605,0.14034592506627333,0.0,0.0,0.1147005447630285,0.08843195381393258,0.0,0.0,0.08363704660004775,0.05896856145775154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792349289359818,0.0648479348674952,0.07041568714600867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885037319286535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941450624703718,0.0,0.0,0.08598452404893933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842299603483904,0.0,0.0,0.0673341424652529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752577486030129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486482976463036,0.1493904631138329,0.08713996162888661,0.0,0.16710619376252284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795029507138404,0.0,0.2132099900187763,0.0,0.08097423306644842,0.0,0.0,0.07173478308792319,0.0,0.0,0.13031307019312854,0.0,0.0,0.1618024495899512,0.0,0.14147135846639336,0.0,0.0929789549715348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44887759441459374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520325317783017,0.09109560548054316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269594271184,0.06874377809592197,0.0,0.08929793466139024,0.0,0.0,0.17870360630671864,0.04120151963403668,0.0,0.0744688052565169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761828239785338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629385551215348,0.08550182754569226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754282017521474,0.0,0.0,0.1859864254054419,0.1250657527780242,0.06504387521065892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714414815123284,0.0,0.08973772951605219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693368495047154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797232512058702,0.09507434534583532,0.0,0.08579838625744628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670979158400502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202110227708419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879791541026862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440543719818592,0.11938462069213543,0.17977846243842846,0.1346990943878309,0.07050732042222367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224812696536036,0.0957016584078891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695207985101083,0.049176056919836224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238243791480285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694070777399462,0.06764795506194783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543085776333456
suicidewatch,VapeQueen98,2018/02/06,"A Question (I don’t want/need any help, just an answer and then I’ll be on my way)

Can anyone tell me if ingesting 100 Conium Maculatum seeds and 11 (7.5mg) Zopiclone, chased with vodka will kill me? 

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suicidewatch,guardianjuan,2018/02/06,"Cheated on me with more people that i can count with my fingers I discovered yesterday that my entire relationship is a lie. that i was being cheated by random sex encounters, i saw the messages that described the hours that I'm not at home to the last possible detail, even with enough time for them to take a shower and pick up their shit. it's been two years and i never found out until now, I have never cheated, i have always given everything in me, i have always provided, i have always loved. and now I'm just a piece of shit more on the path that i never knew i was walking... i just want to disappear, i have a motorcicle, and have thoughts that maybe it's a good idea to crash it with myself in it. that way it will look like an accident and not like a suicide. what should i do? is my life really so worthless to the world? i workout a lot, i work and study,  I had the perfect life until yesterday.... and now i cannot even focus on more than ending everything as soon as possible ",3.9170071428571407,4.853710515000003,5.262428571428573,82.77800000000002,71.35,8.514285714285714,26.785714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.9223714285714288,773,25,157,14,14,259,108,200,0.14400000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.1,-0.8708,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,2,9,11,5,0,14,0,18,7,3,1,4,29,29,12,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,14,12,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,9,3,26,5,25,17,6,28,0,1,2,2,5,9,2,2,18,125,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626261116316779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866513634849894,0.15010161707364694,0.0,0.1918974902590269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26111665900541103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927986194708607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218446696467896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571656144286882,0.0,0.14306061436256592,0.0,0.0,0.16399091743376426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841355060373672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052154547857782,0.14194210342434688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198929766585992,0.0,0.0,0.12350243259454832,0.13111086314080875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459421457738635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361210172929411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071117127751723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275377384122583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306298370310916,0.0,0.0,0.15596444419278913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982328975190037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890060967074826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922414153844427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153272880114426,0.08470746976466664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419066168762465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568336702911969,0.11530769921294295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057574967767328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354841534647376
suicidewatch,lyndoff,2018/02/06,"Anyone just want to talk right now? I just used an insulin pen even if I'm non-diabetic. Shot 20 units in my left thigh and 10 units in my right. Maybe I'll die in a few hours. Most likely not. A new full insulin pen will be bought by tomorrow for my grandmother since I just used her recent one completely, with the exception of the insulin dosage she needs for tomorrow. Most likely try to shoot myself with the new pen tomorrow and use all 300 units up if this thing doesn't kill me now.

Edit: Thanks for talking to me everyone! You don't know how much this means to me. You guys are all awesome and I wish you the best in life! Goodbye! 👋🙂",1.498392134181607,3.544537451127823,2.7729323308270715,93.40415268941588,80.50375939849624,6.498322729901678,20.757085020242915,7.61054688173877,0.5864868710237126,503,14,113,8,13,162,88,133,0.045,0.8140000000000001,0.141,0.9262,0,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,3,0,1,7,5,1,0,7,0,5,5,1,4,2,25,16,6,2,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,15,4,17,13,8,18,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,4,11,69,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654210464781088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491373255799655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475417073805116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298095393522775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100863863689029,0.0,0.0,0.15926383327315252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650331366037911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641399900085376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439971987475315,0.0,0.09159948953215193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810914289359195,0.0,0.117726541467129,0.1628566712206116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744610286962866,0.18155648748794528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252432435659055,0.12358641357188616,0.0,0.3219489360579725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129423915922862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645701403734178,0.0,0.0,0.2846768050952104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787418126882114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26793196314424306,0.0,0.15345072100566418,0.0,0.0,0.11073057954936548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131604804333177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43185760654345795,0.0,0.0,0.0983084482806307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916664936338496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rohunkkishibabe,2018/02/06,It was all my fault I ruined my relationship. He'll never want me back. Hell move on. I'll never be his one. It's all my fault. If I can't fix this... I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so afraid. My body is in flight mode 24/7 I'm slowly killing myself. I don't know what I'm going to do next I don't know I don't know,-4.148482142857141,-2.9715343124999976,-0.08642857142856998,105.86,110.875,2.785714285714286,8.214285714285715,4.65589566412798,-2.2964464285714294,245,2,72,1,14,90,44,80,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,10,1,1,0,4,10,22,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,1,0,13,0,4,19,2,9,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361059436652425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796813883730345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861955668021365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785677917218566,0.0,0.5535077285182897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676124060227447,0.0,0.0,0.3883911913361484,0.0,0.2677810048219536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706190911733372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703277086359236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851197910570746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nafta112,2018/02/06,"I feel an urge to kill myself For the past 7 years I have been struggling with suicide thoughts, that started off with me being forced to perform oral sex on another guy as he blackmailed me (I had smoked weed and he threatened to tell the police, he was around 17 and I 12). After the incident, I felt like the loneliest guy in the world, and the only person I told it to spread a rumour that I was gay and wanted it. Because of different reasons connected to how I didn't want the secret to come out, I lost almost all of my friends. I wanted to kill myself, but I didn't do any suicide attempts. It was not until I started Gymnasium (High School equivalent in my country, starting around the age of 15-16) that I started to become happy again and my suicide thoughts began to emerge.

However, I still struggle with suicide thoughts coming back. I still hear voices in my head that I need to die, and they don't seem to disappear. It has even gone so far that I have started making decisions that I now are dangerous for me. A couple of nights ago I ate lots of aspirin and mixed it with wine, and a couple of months ago I went to a rave where I consciously took too much drugs and hoped to overdose. Obviously, I survived, even though I felt like sh** afterwards.

I simply lack a will to survive and I'm starting to believe that I make choices which brings me closer to death. At the time of writing this, I am very aware of the dangers I put myself into, and I know that I want to live. I just moved to a new city to study, and I've gathered a couple of new friends that I've started to love. My mom is only going to live for a few more years and I love my family. I have many friends who love me, and I can't find a legitimate reason for me to die. But still, these thoughts keep popping up.

What do I do? Should I be looking for help, even though I don't seem to have an 'actual' problem?",4.3025714285714285,4.7893735948051965,5.188987012987017,85.28919480519481,70.1948051948052,7.822337662337662,29.425974025974032,7.699297019823105,1.7156981818181811,1474,54,307,16,25,482,199,385,0.175,0.7040000000000001,0.121,-0.9662,2,0,3,0,0,6,43.0,0,0,1,5,18,18,4,2,21,0,25,10,1,5,2,62,68,22,9,9,4,1,3,2,3,2,2,2,0,3,19,24,2,1,16,1,0,10,6,8,0,0,20,6,52,10,55,44,6,54,0,1,1,5,23,16,0,5,30,211,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.07171864508983983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302943631365492,0.0,0.07359270409410529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049977814943341886,0.07706390291208913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308488462135044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651164246798283,0.0,0.04480069975102735,0.08116733338376432,0.0,0.08280153470787452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661556270352312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439560872265231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525484290516022,0.07678462694568436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522864090226176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456244596746079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928273560400196,0.0,0.0371603097343435,0.0,0.14112976511959655,0.0,0.06717134416208298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034171512261634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176781131208709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553940857438974,0.0,0.07823475081906041,0.0,0.0,0.07542510337474442,0.0,0.08283204306810388,0.0,0.04926086270946578,0.07764947462668367,0.0,0.07299521167656857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532402677529649,0.1626184093942635,0.0,0.04038987504743078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181001373301528,0.0,0.1297914731216382,0.0,0.06171567793720398,0.0,0.08022637902226636,0.06248118892645695,0.19899112361062896,0.0,0.09811440386952697,0.07451044845906472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607420767268266,0.05866147571160633,0.07811151377658725,0.054025870409425546,0.05449418798318186,0.0,0.14196015027431458,0.0,0.0689682775165935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178959893135394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015746127823147,0.0,0.06417132315573981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032295260682365,0.0,0.07388084485448458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112625407365946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437892110143432,0.0,0.1338106806090672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641314646457613,0.0,0.17607500713075971,0.0,0.0,0.15366184965031804,0.0,0.3215580067466775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423619171907434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441315694566442,0.2333811867260965,0.0428544062708762,0.0,0.0,0.07022578792013448,0.08165351662640365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060639488252652876,0.17339249213906416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812882194401218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465426858793233
suicidewatch,yyyliberacion,2018/02/06,"I’m beginning to think I just want to disappear & for my old identity to die. And Not actually kill myself I hear a lot of people talking about how they would be fine with just moving away and never talking to anyone from their past again, changing their name, identity, etc...essentially killing their OLD self.

I used to get excited from the thought of killing myself, but now I think that what i really want to do is disappear and observe humanity over time. Like a time traveler in a coffee shop.

Does anyone else feel the same?",6.7593399339933935,7.125266732673267,7.097772277227726,74.15708745874588,64.84158415841584,11.089768976897693,33.665016501650165,10.864195022040775,3.7046818481848183,424,17,78,11,6,138,71,101,0.113,0.777,0.11,-0.325,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,4,0,6,6,3,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,1,21,15,5,4,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,2,1,4,2,3,0,0,1,2,12,3,16,12,2,16,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,10,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.14956097775372273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605861798552124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143278108412857,0.1570343734508627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399409143786626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621301956428121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906109335425947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412004770020566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280301990225207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092692762309786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749354788475978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007273422682656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273668981177007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086829571158497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487575827014281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029732638353786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289256942341188,0.0,0.0,0.11820460799711233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32164402898069755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630530864529298,0.1062521286321149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818315078536473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598850220554103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463713491731262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640738030655655,0.0,0.12167239924971752,0.17873586136209665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236860572884698,0.0,0.0,0.18079504030638008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887247184941906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExcitingHold,2018/02/06,"Feeling soulless/subhuman I feel like a worthless pile of shit. I'm almost 25, and I've never so much as held hands with a woman. I don't feel like I have the capacity to really care about anyone but myself, and even then, I hate myself. I know that there are idiots who would be crushed if I killed myself, but I really don't give a fuck. I've wanted to kill myself for so long, but I'm too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. I don't know if I qualify as human, or if I'm just the universe's twisted, disgusting, deviant joke.",3.814171934260429,3.804396460176992,5.7428824273072046,82.64115044247791,71.12389380530973,8.581036662452593,26.762326169405817,8.418075326091056,1.6533777496839446,412,12,89,6,7,144,70,113,0.25,0.634,0.115,-0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,7,0,7,0,7,3,2,1,1,22,21,14,2,5,8,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,4,13,4,10,18,2,4,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,5,5,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035302031795056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212039902661164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723169373402064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424780001551231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083150218575852,0.2904103697737321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790567759994534,0.0,0.19498041100834995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067191777345375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497423802014305,0.0,0.2234069144758302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859994092232813,0.0,0.0,0.1798739968416284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29883115498295115,0.0,0.156762540422475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260420306866086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086380094400148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198848771399178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443862938880206,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Randomguy575,2018/02/06,"Suicide  few things about suicide

1. It’s not selfish. And if you think it is think about it this way—What’s more selfish? Committing suicide or forcing someone to live in a world where they are so unhappy?

2. It’s an escape. People that want to commit suicide only want to go back to heaven. 

3. It’s not because they want to kill themselves. They don’t want to kill themselves, they just wanna start over. Like when you can’t paint your fingernails correctly, you get the nail polish remover and start over again. 

4. They don’t want to hurt you. They want you to be happy that they’re gone. 

And finally 

5. Everyone should at least consider the suicide hotline. And if you’re thinking about suicide, please do call them. (888) 360-5764",1.7524726134585291,4.464988535211269,2.444413145539908,91.58834115805948,86.1830985915493,5.127386541471049,24.08607198748044,6.691623216298621,0.9425433489827864,580,23,111,7,18,180,87,142,0.245,0.5870000000000001,0.16899999999999998,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,7,23.0,0,6,7,0,9,8,2,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,3,24,22,9,8,10,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,0,13,3,16,19,3,15,1,1,0,0,14,6,0,3,7,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692137136683792,0.0,0.06890860167016931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542726067237835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801529604794542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383063362568575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059059134583468564,0.0,0.06424367227151179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033399725708435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101247783255567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25012571811289297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522600829626846,0.0,0.09981706726933832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859725962589681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836823389704778,0.0,0.0,0.12408481542445672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577907409365984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002167180610805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7418895036428185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509926193394913,0.21729587515743687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000462349854729,0.08972649833601573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bkvchan,2018/02/06,"i feel like there's no point in trying anymore when the results are always the same. i take my medications like i should, i'm trying hard to be okay and good enough for myself and everyone else, but i never am. it doesn't matter how okay i think i'm doing, or if i seem better. i always slip up. why do i keep trying when i just get thrown back to square one? it's tiring and it's just destroying my confidence and willpower.

i don't want to feel this way anymore. i don't want to constantly feel as if i'm headed in a wrong direction, and setting myself up for failure, and disappointing myself. i just want to stop feeling this way. i'm so tired.",1.9534444444444432,3.7384315481481485,3.8315740740740765,87.62958333333336,77.96296296296295,6.5740740740740735,21.62037037037037,7.492282038375204,0.7625925925925925,509,14,107,7,12,172,77,135,0.232,0.635,0.133,-0.9363,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,3,2,9,4,1,2,1,30,25,15,0,6,7,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,6,17,6,12,23,2,14,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,4,8,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518540367196347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001772626541647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637113198404805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338479471792854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354479465596175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642516529895362,0.0,0.0,0.15637469406728904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461187248924506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060882409222781,0.10811733891613222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906891294283659,0.0,0.0,0.12693682660592598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557092969051332,0.0,0.15531851980245862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345179614254603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787417638118622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245914610061884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672275150102875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255191273439812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306523418567718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777426822141425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652703139215765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378885884657924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697257252885738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478861747636072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30824981348737684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677927906518114,0.2402533235758543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365608265808451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654665516500627,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tawnyquilt,2018/02/06,"I think I need someone to talk to I don't think I can actually kill myself, but I wish I could.

I just want to suddenly snap. Now there are too many things that make me hold on to life. I wish I didn't care, since I'm really just hurting everyone around me, so I'm obviously not really ""caring.""

It's just so painful to face up to my failures. I wish that I never existed.",1.1814107142857146,2.7042744625000026,3.912142857142858,87.37000000000003,79.375,8.071428571428571,22.67857142857143,8.841846274778883,1.4494821428571427,287,9,67,7,7,102,52,80,0.224,0.636,0.14,-0.8508,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,18,17,3,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,15,2,9,15,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1722517151282679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713443940970467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35993455766468724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093166794856968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866621504525384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896135414196352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528603680747034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467670626496236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782413293044636,0.17895698567607965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088252480044568,0.13613809410296104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782281077005064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615813795126724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601379251742144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955931705029854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187486632849333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726772713254295,0.2262054489732183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411223651780097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6089454467061267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AloneDifference,2018/02/06,"I have to kill myself today and I can't calm down. I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm making any sense, or if i'm saying the wrong things, or posting in the wrong place. Big tw for csa/rape in what I'm writing. Oh my god I'm sorry 

I've written a paragraph to everyone I want to. I wrote an even bigger, all-encompassing paragraph for people I didn't include, and to explain myself. This process has taken weeks. 

I have my method right here infront of me. I'm waiting for my boyfriend to go to work and then I'm supposed to do it. I'm really scared.
I'm mostly scared of the fact that, from what people told me of near-death experiences, it's all good and fine until you fully realize you're dying and you panic. I'm just trying to stop panicking.

I've been in a constant state of hyper-vigilance for so long. There was a school shooting here and it honestly ruined my life. I was already kind of traumatized and it's awkward to talk about but like, it really really took a toll on me. I think every noise is gunfire or screaming. I literally can't sleep because of the intrusive thoughts going through my head 24/7. I have to make sure the doors are locked like 25 times before I go to sleep. I have to keep my dog in my room with me because I think the door is going to pop open and he's going to get away and get hit by a car (he runs) I have literally no means of getting mental help because I'm not able to leave the house. I can't pay for it because it's not covered by anything,  but my mum has blamed it on some conspiracy theorist bullshit and won't help me. 

I've been dissociating since I was around 5. I'm like 97% sure I have DID, but I haven't been diagnosed because I haven't seen anyone since I was little and I didn't understand what i was in therapy for. (I was being molested up until I was about eight by a family friend) I just talked about my parents and stuff and my therapist hated me because she thought there wasn't anything wrong with me or something. After i was molested I went to a different school and my gym teacher started to rape me. This is so terrible I can't believe I'm even writing this. I've never told anyone because i've had no one to tell. I miscarried when I was 11 and flushed it. I used to have delusions that I actually gave birth to my child and gave her away.  I got into an abusive relationship with a girl who convinced me if i was really suicidal I'd just kill myself and I overdosed and woke up in my own vomit when i was 13. My parents never knew. I was stalked for a long time and it made me paranoid, and then the shooting happened and I don't think I can recover. I have meltdowns multiple times a week, but no one helps me, they just treat me like a time bomb. My friends started to ignore me a few weeks ago and I don't know why they're doing it. They're the only people I have to talk to and I don't know what they're saying about me but they've been posting passive aggressively on other social media and I haven't even been doing anything to fuel the fire. I finished writing everything a few hours ago and I've been sitting here panicking ever since. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone I know because they'll call 911 and I'll get locked up and that's even worse than dying. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if i should post this here. I'm really sorry.",2.300893141945771,3.719443250000001,4.127694377990434,87.46732555821373,76.01704545454545,7.0426236044657085,25.13496810207337,7.731754440074428,1.2361320075757585,2624,90,566,37,57,889,279,704,0.181,0.7440000000000001,0.076,-0.9976,3,0,2,3,0,2,62.0,0,2,2,1,26,34,7,5,25,0,63,7,3,4,7,92,126,49,5,6,19,3,1,4,2,3,3,3,3,2,28,33,0,4,17,1,1,9,26,19,0,3,39,5,90,15,73,82,6,67,0,1,1,1,38,24,0,10,33,357,118,4,0.06145918606167666,0.07281908560261018,0.059975300002023266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895972041716874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782174009853563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041794354047231835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892107567473135,0.0,0.15172702040018649,0.05471170569900583,0.0,0.0,0.1154858568352711,0.0,0.0,0.2997195950372559,0.0,0.052297240655541616,0.06924345654483427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627567005179152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641554635682087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237978014689857,0.12756986395582834,0.0642117685135028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029660637917445,0.0555933523975922,0.05178201496992202,0.05872688605748914,0.05523555352104082,0.060118877061512366,0.05793825089146223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496642939029727,0.0,0.12843955233146806,0.0,0.17464335883174714,0.05154904935720183,0.04915452549701765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054348155262261735,0.0,0.0,0.060678222301314776,0.06307485587488831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358439073930175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052491826048328,0.07091564904690073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462774845064152,0.13599096688253642,0.06400028468887628,0.2364345295404845,0.0,0.0,0.06507640403339578,0.0,0.0,0.0434104406794271,0.12010341554534296,0.0615982503413045,0.0,0.10877889131357224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815416787250933,0.0820489678691404,0.0,0.0,0.06694707099894898,0.0,0.0,0.0619364041953373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480222625880642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329267010325828,0.046742480456896114,0.0,0.07210911272198772,0.13648630583437146,0.0,0.0,0.12782418354588562,0.0,0.0642117685135028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658273407672992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686164171755569,0.0,0.0,0.06598416537193569,0.0,0.0524858090893844,0.0,0.09774962309469536,0.1845941006683015,0.12439995488752767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251902143577087,0.0,0.1230071423016682,0.06264990045207562,0.0,0.047314284054441366,0.0,0.13759705411674686,0.08700225644629878,0.0,0.0,0.051382631507742985,0.0,0.0,0.07035606405918192,0.06722637432192904,0.0,0.11584911104707885,0.0,0.0,0.1481956971713533,0.10743607508237074,0.0,0.07028393548270366,0.07135885198395847,0.040830752309736894,0.1181416944454684,0.0,0.09758345735054036,0.14334938253698273,0.0,0.05825612215246625,0.11745377211497827,0.0682834170912485,0.04172675304895124,0.0,0.0,0.06398118016481512,0.0,0.05308100387328156,0.0,0.0,0.0362502202917804,0.0,0.14789655569316545,0.0,0.0,0.056973281212411166,0.05545735605578488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474301942827382,0.0,0.06263216120200643,0.0,0.201587915801344,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idiotstranger,2018/02/06,"I think I'll finally do it I've attempted before but it didn't work
I want nothing more than for this to stop
I'm fifteen and I was forced to leave a school that I loved recently and my parents do nothing but make me feel horrible about myself and everything I do. I didn't go to school yesterday because I woke up and immediately started to cry because I couldn't handle it. I just couldn't bring myself to go but all my parents did was scream at me and make me feel immense guilt. I hate my new school and practically everything about it. I have to walk alone at seven ten to go to a house about a ten minute walk away to carpool to head to school, hopefully I can use that chance to get out. I already have a plan. The only thing that happens now is to wait and see if I have the will to through with it, which so far I think I do.",2.833963494132984,3.818109084745764,4.253333333333334,88.8187744458931,73.97175141242937,7.7060408518035635,26.60973489787049,8.139509932561175,1.4273680139069969,656,23,149,10,13,218,94,177,0.17800000000000002,0.759,0.063,-0.9622,2,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,1,6,0,17,2,1,3,1,28,39,12,0,5,5,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,2,4,0,0,6,4,3,0,3,6,4,24,2,26,30,2,19,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,2,7,103,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370604942825841,0.14603639569352245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433430830068955,0.0,0.0,0.16134195802987095,0.0,0.11260844264620905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536520941872294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378706632601902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382641715095014,0.0,0.0,0.14496794601113425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914025377307496,0.0,0.22562930368826856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702455135420532,0.0,0.0,0.1306546966960768,0.13581522086390665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314398038886927,0.0,0.1526983201850902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012503182497554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943867578082765,0.0,0.1766710131673783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278112213355965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539604942953061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006477179999014,0.0,0.0,0.2938875961692666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066612919453516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357255950619169,0.10545489593995716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366831291973393,0.0,0.0,0.1106390708309359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791835615107857,0.1695915126219158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429607194073327,0.0,0.0,0.07805537732910661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634240112767972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4GOT101,2018/02/06,"I dont see the point of living. I cant help anyone else or myself I joined this place about 2 hours ago to try to help others, but reading their stories and not being able to offer more than a listening ear made me feel more helpless than ever.

I've been getting sadder and sadder for about 3/4 years now and been depressed for about 2/3 months and it's only been getting worse and worse. I dont see any reason to live other than helping people who dont have it well either. But there's no way i can help anyone here.

",3.244166666666665,4.383645268518521,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,73.16666666666666,5.770370370370372,20.907407407407405,5.148860815047168,-0.05150370370370405,411,8,85,1,8,132,73,108,0.307,0.67,0.023,-0.988,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,1,2,1,14,17,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,4,5,8,1,13,12,3,9,0,2,2,0,8,2,0,1,6,57,14,1,0.1441260704521248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775906538632956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980106702009918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155259911635676,0.14767419120922198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413557329041525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067440435247837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203988380093263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037028209720142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287447172447166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059984645409671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864186679075285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193514740929733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25453192144248543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637557268439549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504005439196753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961437114831013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999188700868446,0.0,0.1505810679520763,0.0,0.136245722240161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416507301365653,0.0,0.0,0.14818560458792127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296996361701953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785214115325844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440056620851792,0.0,0.0,0.1295866461816868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937535576507749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281246401233316
suicidewatch,Ditt0_,2018/02/06,"Have been suicidal half of my life thinking about finally giving in This is going to be a poorly formatted rant so I apologize in advance...

I’m 16 turning 17 in may, I have mo friends and am lucky to get out of the house once a week, My depression gets so bad I often can’t get out of bed. I’m three years behind in school and currently in a hospital program that includes delegated time to do school work, but I’m on the brink of getting kicked out of that because I’m struggling to attend. This program is really my last chance at help before i’m on my own when it comes to school. And if I can’t handle school with help in a fucking hospital setting how can I do it on my own? Im fucked.

I also have no Idea how the fuck to get in a relationship, and even if i were able to most people are cheating creeps and I couldn’t handle being screwed over like that. In other words I’m a miserable lonely asshole who will have nothing to look back to.

Between not having friends never being in any sort of meaningful relationship and having fallen behind in school I really just want to give up. I’ve been miserable so long it really doesn’t seem possible to ever be happy. Once more even if I managed to get my life together and pass high school, unlike most kids who don’t know what they want to do in the future I’ve known for as long as I can remember i wanted to enlist in the military, but thanks to my mental illnesses that isn’t possible. What the hell is the point in living when my prospects are so fucked even if i were to succeed? I never asked for any of this shit... I genuinely wish I didn’t exist.

Life is a sick fucking joke.",5.052329376854601,4.985611109792288,6.247968842729971,80.27943100890211,68.46587537091986,9.5886646884273,29.609643916913942,9.3871,2.4039223738872404,1292,43,265,24,20,436,169,337,0.188,0.675,0.138,-0.9805,1,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,17,23,9,3,14,0,35,12,1,2,3,44,67,24,1,9,8,0,0,1,2,2,5,0,1,1,15,12,0,0,7,1,1,6,11,15,0,2,5,1,25,8,54,55,5,47,1,4,1,6,14,25,8,11,16,183,40,11,0.08314351796225214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648984127548736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130808866540966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772796574479414,0.0,0.0,0.06393223316989104,0.06942136459141514,0.05068351683955572,0.0,0.07074900997642053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162077869427337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161139018949744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474652840662252,0.07520807205309288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107965990459604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284729514624445,0.3843242129965133,0.26063433907874234,0.1595176770976772,0.04725237730107122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850782091825174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114586949999145,0.0878456916230182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593645666603393,0.0,0.09385891151559357,0.08980926689854732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569350308121172,0.06777306415675363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761801767480532,0.04061972313504485,0.0,0.07341724962053123,0.14715879404532958,0.06981961485820648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378911054182367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282508133755706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977844787786068,0.0,0.0,0.17709026623783725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057641246609808086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859749883431194,0.1874636479186147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979159985421554,0.0,0.0,0.1785300453969625,0.0941853979910554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048740739902509,0.0,0.075690736100685,0.0,0.0,0.08534562638379388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691965736730017,0.0,0.09094551391167427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765473806557113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053275009122098434,0.0,0.0,0.0484816539462491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904362722807254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712060320522,0.0,0.06669271496962648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561094239885776,0.0,0.0,0.06052947131103925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354169960037606
suicidewatch,FaceInTheCrowd31715,2018/02/06,"A long life of struggle, I have to get my life story off my chest, I've never talked to anyone I'm don't frequent this site that much, and I wanted to be anon for this post. I have nobody in this world and I have never shared my life story with anyone, and it is completely necessary for me to get it off my chest, in the hopes that just one person reads it in it's entirety.

My life has been anything but ordinary.

My childhood was a mess. Very disconnected from my mother, and my father was violent towards me. I spent most of my days after school either playing outside with friends, or in after school programs.

At about age 9, things began to change. I was becoming more and more distant from my nuclear family. I was rebellious, I never spent much time at home, and neither parent was really ever around. Every night in our house, we would fight. The fighting would escalate physically usually always when I fought with my dad, but I would fight with my mom too. The police were called to our house at least a couple times every week. No matter what went down within the house, my parents would come together and their stories and make me out to be the instigator, in the eyes of the police. I've been screamed at, tackled by, and hand cuffed and brought to the police station by the police, which is likely why I manifest a strong hatred for all law enforcement to this day. I made it known to my parents that I was depressed. One day after school I was pulled out of class to take some tests, asking me about my mood, and how I felt. My mom bribed me and told me as soon as we were done, we'd go out to eat, or something along those lines. As soon as those tests were finished I was admitted for my first time to a mental institution, at age 9. Here, I would spend a week, including my tenth birthday.

However, a month later I was reinsitituionalized. The fights and the violence got worse. I was overpowered at all times. Every night at 7 PM, my father would come home with a head of steam, pissed about something my mom said I had done earlier, or pissed at his job in general, and I was never any match. I've been dropped from a staircase head first, I've been thrown into a bathtub and sprayed with ice cold water, I've been stripped from my clothes, and thrown outside in 3+ inches of snow in below freezing weather. These are just a few examples of what I endured during that time. So after being reinstitutionalized a month later, I played their game, spent two weeks this time at a different hospital, and was released. Again, nothing changed. The same vicious cycle went on for about another year. At this point I really just stopped going to school, and the truancy officers were calling my family, telling them how I would have to repeat the grade. At this point I was in the fifth grade, and if I remember correctly I was absent for 1/3 of the entire school year. One day, my father was so pissed I didn't show make the school bus, he grabbed me and drove me to school himself, as I fought it every step of the way. He dragged me by the back of my collar all the way into the school on the bumpy concrete, creating scars and scratches all on my back and tearing up my clothes. My bus driver was still in the parking lot and called the police, who later showed up at my school. At that point CPS began investigating my dad, but nothing ever came of it. 

Around a year since my last institutionalizing, things really began to escalate. I was so uninterested in life, I had switched schools so I lost all my friends, I saw no reason to live. One night, during one of the usual family fights, it was too much for me. I ran upstairs with a butcher's knife and tried to end it. I barely broke skin before my father came and grabbed the knife from me. I was 11 years old.

Sent to the same institution as last time, but this time was different. I was in for three weeks this time, and when I was released, my father was still being investigated by CPS, and my mother wanted nothing to do with me. It was about to come down to sending me to some sort of halfway home, but my grandma took me in instead for that summer.

I returned home after that summer and things finally started to improve. As I got older I received more independence and I took advantage of that, fights occurred less and less, cops showed up less and less, I got off medications and I was never institutionalized ever again.

I can safely say from ages 12-17 I lived a relatively happy and healthy life, and I'm beyond thankful for that, because that's more than many people get. I didn't have many friends in middle school after all the school switching, but I made friends, and then going into high school I made more friends, had a social life girl friends, and played sports. All was well until around the end of my junior year of high school. 

It was Tuesday March 17, 2015, and I won't ever forget this day because it's the day my life changed forever, and if I live to see the day where I triumph, this will be the date tattooed on my sleeve.

It was free period in school, and I was spending the time studying for the test I had next class in history. I began to feel a bit lightheaded, but I brushed it off and continued to study. The symptoms got worse, and I went from looking at study guides to Web MD pages. My vision completely blurred, unable to focus my hearing. Eventually I made my way to the clinic, and my mom came about an hour later to pick me up. However, I fainted before I could make it home.

For the next couple months we saw several doctors who gave their own varying diagnosis, some calling me anemic, some say I was faking, others telling me I would never walk again. All of it was very scary.

Finally a day before I turned 17, I got the official diagnosis, thanks to a friend who also had my illness who recommended me his cardiologist. 

I was diagnosed with a condition called POTS. It stands for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. To summarize: my autonomic nervous system (controls all the automatic functions in the body, breathing, swallowing, blood flow, etc.) was failling and was unable to tell my heart to pump enough blood to circulate throughout my body. From the day that I mentioned, March 17, 2015, I was unable to stand up without assistance for nearly 8 months. 50% of the people with the kind of POTS I have that effects my adrenal gland are effected by the illness for life, and half of those people are technically disabled for life. They also searched me several times for cancer, as they thought I had tumors in my adrenal gland and attached to my brain. My sister used to tell me she wished I had cancer during this time. Sometimes I did wish I had cancer, because cancer is so much easier to explain and to understand than this dumb heart condition. I lost so many friends after becoming ill because nobody understood and nobody cared to try to understand. Again, in life, I felt alone.

After those 8 months passed, my mom kicked me out, in her eyes I was ungrateful of her taking care of me. At this point in time my father was living in florida, told me there was no way that I could live with him, but that I could live with his parents. I didn't ask for him to take me in anyway. I spent the next month to month and a half living in my girlfriends car, still extremely sick and disabled. Eventually my mom let me move back in but we wouldn't talk much.

The only rehab from this illness comes with medication and physical excersize and hydration, all of which I was doing, so I was healing at a decent rate.

I won't go into detail about my education, but long story short I defied the odds the school system placed on me, graduated, and got into a mediocre university.

However in the spring my mom urged me to consider getting my vaccinations before college, as I was behind. I initially refused, being afraid of needles, but she kept pushing it so I agreed. Three days after the vaccination I began to feel extremely sick. My POTS symptoms were the worst I ever felt. We saw my doctor, and with the look of grief on his face, pretty much said that the gardasil vaccine manifests the symptoms, and that I pretty much lost 100% of the recovery progress I had made and that I was back at square one.

I've never said a word about this to my mother, and I know she couldn't have known that would've happened to me. But, deep down, I 100% blame her for the poison I was dealt. I just wish somebody would've taken a precaution or asked a doctor. Instead all she uttered to me on it was ""Well, now we know."" I understand it's irrational to blame her for that but I can't help it, it was a year of my youth lost. My graduation day I was so sick I could barely stand.

I went to college far away from my mom, and started school in the summer. I tried to pretend nothing was wrong so I drank and partied like a normal college kid would. Alcohol however makes my condition worse, and I got so sick I nearly dropped out and left school. When fall started I understood what the deal was and I closed up my walls. I was really too sick to do anything that entire year, and it was easier staying in than going out and explaining why I can't drink or why I can't do whatever. I consider it a wasted year.

Fast forward, end of freshman year, so poor and broke, I move into a garage. Before I got sick I had extensive work experience so I was starting to feel well again so I got a job as an assistant manager at a pizza restaurant. Eventually my old girlfriend from back home came down to live with me, the same one who let me live in her car. Things had ended terribly before but at this point I was so lonely I didn't care who I was spending time with. We eventually moved into a studio apartment together, and like all other things, that fell apart, terribly and catastrophically. 

She almost stole my dog when she left, whom I had adopted at six months old from a rescue organization. When I first got him he was extremely sick with tape worm and heart worm, and I spent all my paychecks buying his medication nursing him back to health. Honestly, he's one of the only things in this world keeping me going, I love him way too much. He's innocent, pure, and really the only being on this earth that's ever given a fuck about me.

Currently, I just feel extremely disconnected from the world. I'm numb to the pain around me. As each day passes, my smile seems less and less like my own. I quit my job a week into January, and as soon as I quit I got the flu for a month and I'm still getting over it. My doctor told me with the progress I've made with my illness, I should be 100% symptom free by age 21. I turn 20 in a couple months and I am completely off medication, but it feels like I've lost years of my life, and I wake up everyday feeling ill. I've never felt a day in this world where someone has understood the way I've felt mentally, or physically in regards to my health. My college GPA is higher than my high school GPA ever was, but the disconnect I feel is so strong that I really don't care. I go through the motions of going to class and studying but it all feels like it doesn't matter. As if I'm at the end of my life and one of these days I won't wake up. It's an eerie feeling to it, as I nap through a lot of the day and stay up all night. 

I just need some clarity, some physical sign that it'll be worth it and I'll be ok with the constant struggle that I'm living. I feel like a ghost on this earth, I feel less and less human everyday, and if I felt any emotion, I would probably think this is a scary feeling.

I just needed to get that off my chest, I'm not a big talker and I've never had anyone to talk to, so I had a lot of things to get off my chest if I do decide to end it soon.



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suicidewatch,god_is_hee,2018/02/06,I took 15 grams of paracetamol But I throwed up within an hour do I still overdose?,-0.31078431372549176,1.8055681176470595,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,103.11764705882356,4.619607843137255,23.31372549019608,6.42735559955562,0.80658431372549,66,3,14,1,3,21,15,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5841652957515765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737163275856059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6590476069437474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shoealarm,2018/02/06,"Feeling very depressed, alone and trapped Thinking about getting drunk after work tonight and jumping into the harbour. The sea at night scares me but I'm hoping after enough vodka I won't care.",4.341857142857143,7.529115685714286,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,77.85714285714286,3.5,31.607142857142854,3.1291,1.3102857142857145,159,8,24,0,4,46,31,35,0.31,0.5720000000000001,0.118,-0.7208,0,2,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,14,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463668322917509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34097191255713205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28804258128759297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455538040757823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690969831538795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472496950035254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321627340414485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383827919489043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348210425189185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428813356425896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759383491909388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434677655924362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aurume,2018/02/06,"What’s wrong with me? I lost someone else to this, and I know how much it messes people up but I still think about it all the time. She and I made jokes about it all the time and part of me wants to just go out and not tell anyone and not show up at school. I can’t imagine my parents finding me dead though. Am I just doing this for attention? Am I just saying it? I don’t know. I know I feel this way all the time. I know I always feel like it’s just be easier. If I’m not alive anymore then I can’t feel sad anymore. It’s simple as that. I’ve tried to mention it to my counsellor but he didn’t think i was at risk. But it’s never ending. I can never love myself or even remotely like myself and I sit alone at lunch and at school ever day and I just eat and get fat and I have to come home and deal with mental illness in my family and nobody will believe me everyone just tells me that it’ll get better or that it’s not worth it or I won’t be able to find out what happens but I don’t care what happens anymore I just want to give up but at the same time I’m so scared because I can’t do the same to my parents because I know that they can’t handle it but I can’t help but feel like some people would be happy if I’m dead anyways so I might as well? How can I be so selfish? It seems like the world hates me. So and so thinks I’m a fuckgirl or a whore. So and so thinks that I’m a backstabbing bitch. Why is it that someone would make up lies and tell others that I was talking crap about them? Why is it that I start hyperventilating and then I go numb and i have to lie there uselessly and think about how sad I am for an hour or so? What’s wrong with me? I think about how I’m going to do it all the time. But I can’t find the right time. I think about the different ways but then I also wonder what would happen if people found me. What if it doesn’t work? My parents would be so mad. People would think that I’m this charity case and feel bad. Someone would tell me that I’m “one of those girls” again. I’m not. I don’t tell people. But I’m tired of having to pretend to be happy or pretend to be ok. I’m tired of worrying about whether people like me or not. I just want to end it all and not have to worry about being on time to school anymore or gaining weight anymore. I won’t have to worry about anything because I’ll be dead and only when I’m dead will I feel at peace. I’m scared. 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suicidewatch,Enverum,2018/02/06,How can I help my friend? I’m very sorry if this is the wrong place to post this? Please tell me if there’s a better one. But I have this friend A who is depressed. And she looked into going to therapy but she says she can’t afford it. Twice now A’s messaged me in the middle of the night talking about how she’s had suicidal thoughts or how she wants to die. And I always try to reassure her that I really care and appreciate her and how caring she is for other people but I worry that one day that won’t be enough. Does anyone have any advice for how I can help her more/ help her get more help?,2.190937500000004,3.385894968750001,3.691062500000001,91.39768750000002,75.875,6.682500000000001,19.05,7.1686216300943375,0.09812874999999988,468,8,107,5,10,155,79,128,0.136,0.623,0.241,0.9342,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,6,0,11,0,0,5,0,18,19,15,2,3,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,2,2,19,6,10,15,3,9,0,1,1,0,22,4,0,3,3,78,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555746678216034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324724924615013,0.0,0.0,0.1082658227823519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132082829606584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408051378063378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246431047713027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267496795866556,0.0,0.1371242534234783,0.0,0.16523112509170632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932260813461114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450278701753715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460049652406015,0.0,0.08317878172760237,0.0,0.09048067552868402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42685082076956976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369329287438514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940443714237106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157647765120928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037368338825712,0.0,0.16633682010177506,0.17476083675614446,0.0,0.0,0.15247573848825993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019917072566761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266073326441675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821854908371376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741459796319088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796408711831336,0.13915342550999182,0.0,0.1820664124828276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639211133713574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809070636132796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136196722919852,0.09390406947062396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616818442307305,0.0,0.0,0.1740672240286127,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,absoluterubbishthrow,2018/02/06,"Backed into a corner tldr - homeless college graduate, stuck in that life situation without reasonable options.

I'm not really sure what to do now.  I have a college degree.  But I'm essentially homeless.  I say essentially because I've been hitchhiking around the country for the past year since I graduated.  It's been a crazy journey with extreme highs and lows.  And then it was now.

I'd like to get a job.  The only problem is whats available.  I feel like I've been lied to and cheated.  I went to college because... thats what you're supposed to do or something.  But now that I'm trying to pull myself out of my homelessness, my options are pretty retarded.  Minimum wage bullshit slave shit for corporate craporations.  I honestly cannot bring myself to go wait tables or flip burgers or make pizzas or some dumb shit like that.  Beyond that, I don't know what else there is to do.  Someone in another sub told me I should have come to the realization that I should kill myself a long time ago because I'm homeless and apparently that shit is more forever than herpes.

I'm out of options. I just don't know anymore.",3.723868666994587,5.943446079439255,5.124126906050176,78.38607230693556,74.18691588785046,7.869749139203148,30.88932611903591,8.6894789155246,2.782265420560748,887,42,157,18,19,296,124,214,0.195,0.738,0.067,-0.9826,3,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,6,0,9,0,18,5,3,2,1,33,35,11,1,3,9,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,10,1,1,4,0,1,6,5,8,0,0,7,2,16,5,23,26,2,26,0,1,0,0,2,10,4,8,13,99,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369518485966316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620030784113239,0.0,0.0,0.15321903943169862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753466339058382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879829206596225,0.0,0.282538944968591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330850771738878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290620229915048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811808569505442,0.11037234911244102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071805827590346,0.0,0.08780393615387411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323406226771034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331396294465985,0.0,0.17092751555988814,0.0,0.16981450061766984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912546538629304,0.2264375961877795,0.0,0.0,0.136724563872306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312763085388604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750156997567275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748441580440375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717850954278276,0.0,0.14783231026172056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897443072638007,0.15884816018618775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286183858758452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757653915866672,0.12780112290918852,0.1736605684819557,0.0,0.0,0.13090440520048102,0.11893897380560567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561114745365986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008816679439682,0.0,0.0,0.14762805148735667,0.0,0.10489299980047607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321982752492446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892913793460433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994906974378779
suicidewatch,somebodythrownaway,2018/02/06,"Single full time dad knowing I'll live ... for now. Sometimes when I reflect on the times I was so broken and hurting that I wanted to die, I don't think the meager ups of more recent life outweigh the downs of my past. Thus even when life isn't so painful, I don't really think I've made the best choice by living. Such was the viciousness of the pain that even the memory of it is a burden I don't wish to carry. Well now there's my kids... and while I myself am not happy I most certainly choose life so that maybe I can make theirs hopeful. I'm the one worth leaving and when my boys inevitably leave, not just move on, I think I'll just leave me too. ",5.833664596273291,4.428276072463773,6.121759834368527,86.2858695652174,67.26086956521739,9.045134575569358,27.685300207039344,7.447530270364453,1.2672430641821952,510,11,116,4,7,164,86,138,0.205,0.696,0.098,-0.9305,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,16,10,1,0,9,0,9,5,0,3,1,21,19,10,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,0,1,1,6,5,1,1,3,0,16,5,12,16,5,16,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,10,78,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737505873201196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563608063791995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809595584104994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596365175683856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894533783541633,0.0,0.0,0.16053659800097222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241477003622312,0.0,0.0,0.4763618687846712,0.0,0.0,0.3177661543223249,0.0,0.0,0.2648370265424446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189694148409387,0.10010028531472943,0.0,0.1506562114259198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593850547326268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016176102941286,0.0,0.3191386429772436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315496224686816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606900374362902,0.0,0.14806862290366254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831549070453254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882673025312944,0.0,0.0,0.17488719802701158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845101865793963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483315514954236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244801338045015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ownSelf4848,2018/02/06,"I'm starting to think I have no purpose Living a full life of abuse and being homeless for years. I thought I was doing better when I got back on my feet having a home and job but the cycle it's viciously continuing. I'm so tired of everything and want a way out. I've tried alternatives and therapy, I've tried medication, and nothing seems to work. I have no one and fuck I'm so gone. I guess I just wanted someone to see that I'm hurting even if it's a bunch of strangers. Sorry for wasting your time hopefully you'll gain it back some how.",1.085789473684212,3.2631308245614083,3.2272807017543883,88.84513157894737,82.85964912280701,6.256140350877192,23.535087719298247,7.492282038375204,1.0829614035087722,430,16,92,7,12,146,77,114,0.235,0.67,0.096,-0.9502,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,2,0,3,8,5,2,0,5,0,7,5,1,1,0,19,23,12,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,1,10,2,10,17,3,12,0,1,1,1,2,3,1,5,7,57,14,2,0.0,0.21980926989300395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853047885626273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640761742988046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253332193317475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673220476639333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171509007103021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837621582341332,0.0,0.2043697139968728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609033719172766,0.18426188413535066,0.0,0.0,0.1986015571230909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409863905003587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103731243689767,0.0,0.0,0.16381637118926715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868905273201188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801015290020422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257122418616293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783434882213373,0.1688892158824644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718935431707468,0.0,0.0,0.2076729455920698,0.13131105884017952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121567500582061,0.0,0.0,0.11887286318359525,0.0,0.14728108940363088,0.10817741960885614,0.2132264029802461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25190997790740954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884741863639084,0.14725607312489164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505979032761747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946793132640884
suicidewatch,Self-elimination,2018/02/06,"I got a few loose screws on might be an understatement Sometimes, the urge to kill myself strikes like a truck on full throttle out of nowhere. Logical speaking, I'm fine. 

I'm financially ok. I have a supportive circle of friends and boyfriend. I have two dogs and two cats as well that just as supportive. So I don't understand where  is this sinking feeling deep in my chest leading down to my guts is coming from.

I've tried killing myself numerous times in the past. But after a while, I learned that it's just an episode that will go away.
I've been trying to hold on for a while now. I have reasons to live. 

I'm currently doing an ok job in keeping it together. But I know that I can't hold it for long.

Is there anyone else that have experienced this? I've tried the cliche exercise, clean, go outside, go out with friends, faking happiness 'til it becomes real stuff to no avail. Will it always be like this?

I don't really have access to shrinks.

What have you done or is currently doing to keep off suicidal tendencies?

I'll try hold on until I find something that will work on me.",2.7227777777777797,4.87015090740741,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000002,76.96296296296295,7.282962962962964,27.003703703703703,8.238735603445708,1.8164081481481489,860,35,175,16,20,276,129,216,0.112,0.746,0.142,0.4291,3,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,0,2,7,15,3,0,11,2,23,4,2,2,0,26,38,12,3,0,5,0,1,2,2,4,1,1,1,0,16,6,0,5,7,1,0,5,4,4,1,2,3,3,16,11,31,29,2,32,0,0,0,1,4,16,1,2,13,116,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237895123646988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443558962493792,0.13838272868094173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268912967856687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916078540084807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634037974078353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382110725904144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282350421097005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828930746691475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344042897497855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869072121321594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302694672866337,0.0,0.10801810116190486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377159371044362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402407728434487,0.2400912468882038,0.29884300314758044,0.0,0.07422426280573081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319648878621998,0.0,0.1192585567498088,0.11952194805442899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327503682643367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289280008314752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537254022900831,0.08652151766264443,0.1388619646141054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397413197907558,0.13357566799465218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546089270124125,0.14773136814625135,0.3065240974653414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875331898644752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667816614177593,0.0,0.2638637913796886,0.14059998589388029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143322778607304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832372401164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomuser1103,2018/02/06,"i can't kill myself because i know what it would do to my family and friends but i can't live with myself i'm such a bad person. i've done terrible things, i'm so depressed and i can't fucking take it anymore",-0.09468085106383127,1.8187463404255344,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,85.59574468085106,5.4621276595744686,22.16595744680852,6.742157984588678,0.53199914893617,166,6,38,2,5,58,33,47,0.294,0.618,0.08800000000000001,-0.9238,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,11,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,2,9,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023186942586964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25452810038964313,0.18582722103151955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625576610092786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119564639494029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873753824003154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355181036820947,0.2818190407044923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33725954364818794,0.0,0.16753171891477572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691787058887189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661739374209948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920123212208704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252169988155933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165491077977449,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Millertary1,2018/02/06,"Why can't people mind their own Damn business and let me kill myself. Why does everyone have to intrude into my life just to make sure that i don't off myself, most of them barely know me but still suddenly feel the urge to get all in my shit. I should be able to have control over what I do.",6.299946236559137,4.485067596774197,6.553870967741936,84.88413978494627,66.58064516129032,9.556989247311831,28.731182795698928,7.793537801064563,1.5080473118279571,229,5,52,2,3,74,50,62,0.149,0.825,0.026,-0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,4,3,0,1,0,8,2,1,2,2,13,12,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,11,1,9,9,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,2,38,13,0,0.2555015201295159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28656668056048323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359110205969954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24414265176085215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291892455391885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334889988313218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826745763237237,0.0,0.1404169535211723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26126761509003965,0.180468279745116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705492486882706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579837000347818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713258341621588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622686387574451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404384402019973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24080715898578106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611007623952999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RanmaChan,2018/02/06,"Hurting right now Well... I've been drinking. the only previous time I've drank alone i ended up making an attempt. I'm now laying in bed crying with one of my strongest supports cuddled up atop me, my kitty pixel. I'm trying to very hard to not only do the day by day struggle but to make actual progress. This past weekend, a good portion was spent crying on my best friend who I keep trying for. in this moment I wish she just didn't know me so i could make a guilty free departure. I love her very much and she's what keeps me tethered. i just want to succumb to the comfortable depression and self hatred in order to go through and finish everything I've planned for. 

I wish I wouldn't hurt any longer.",2.9401515151515127,4.701219419580422,3.9931643356643365,87.65846445221447,75.08391608391608,6.444988344988345,25.20337995337995,7.1686216300943375,1.1143897435897436,559,19,111,6,12,181,98,143,0.154,0.5760000000000001,0.27,0.9744,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,6,12,0,1,6,0,6,4,0,3,0,19,22,5,0,5,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,4,2,2,1,2,2,1,3,4,1,1,5,1,17,9,19,15,3,20,0,3,0,2,7,8,0,0,10,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.1392907855615499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783255229592238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706609899542104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979374374549506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396393193784955,0.0,0.3135799274019065,0.18410719741654397,0.0,0.12293922509815527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982798332326687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642267315763556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828287045855974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027830249539164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112076352752237,0.11972107817173945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278643739982674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056059608998216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537425238353757,0.0,0.0,0.07844455813466679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882577416597374,0.0,0.2858342981682806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492816645585884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672232944070706,0.2171159401192428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625867976461942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189667377482498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890588879604655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921977208173562,0.0,0.0,0.1619763300730266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832311305765284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381819552132767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355460548419923,0.0841900192421045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283377636430949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32828116137155594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theboss928,2018/02/06,Going to go through with killing myself The time is slowly approaching for my 34th birthday on February 13th. I've been done with life for a while along with dealing with chronic pain for a few years now. Recently I've been thinking about hanging myself or just going to the desert and blowing my head off. Sure people would be sad but they will soon get over it and at this point I could care less about how they feel. ,6.069512195121948,6.48814156097561,5.1962439024390275,87.01826829268295,66.3170731707317,8.023414634146341,29.81463414634146,7.554174236665415,1.6430556097560975,336,11,67,3,5,100,64,82,0.081,0.8490000000000001,0.07,0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,4,0,8,4,1,1,1,16,15,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,1,7,2,17,8,2,16,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,49,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545859526275401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936525780055628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574298985031541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555299555801668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625590248715945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304580265115292,0.0,0.4257310622398213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562644005080678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762562285658763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637060603944066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656985731813037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311064930952355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360473594441153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465487818799112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353394437456953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999777873520135,0.0,0.0,0.14560217011001855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773798279283529,0.0,0.0,0.16079871494971154
suicidewatch,Justathrowaway100100,2018/02/06,"I broke down infront of my best friend If I still feel like this tomorrow I will be killing myself, or at least turn into myself into a vegetable. I finally broke friends. Good bye.",2.188714285714287,4.841183800000003,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,82.42857142857143,5.7857142857142865,25.892857142857146,7.1686216300943375,1.394571428571429,143,6,27,2,4,45,29,35,0.209,0.459,0.332,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,5,2,2,7,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,2,5,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415255401115911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455047806808876,0.2324919082483349,0.0,0.3564997902286239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028628817278057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729607049197941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600472816264993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589918406805287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598940178049847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35398147216303344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Perjohan42,2018/02/06,"Lost a friend last Thursday. Can’t reach friends. Hey Reddit,

I need your help. Recently lost a friend this Thursday. He just did it so suddenly and despite having been admitted and everything... 

Fuck. What am I saying...

Anyway... it’s taken a heavy toll on some of my friends. I was never very close to him but the others were. 

They can’t sleep. Some are turning to the sauce to cope. Maybe some are using. I don’t know.

I just need advice on how to help them cope. Or to convince them to see past it somehow. That things really do continue... despite it... 

I’m ok. I’ve lost my father. I know loss. I know pain from having not said my peace. Not saying what need be said. And the abruptness and finality is not foreign to me. 

But these guys all have never had that. One’s a high school kid with a promising football career in sight and with loving friends and family. He’s saying he’s gonna get a tat of the guys name on him. ‘Miguel’. And I just know, despite the sentimentality, that he’s just gonna get so much shit in the locker room for having some guy’s name on him. And the hazing will hit a soft spot... tensions rise... fist fight ensues... alcoholism to cope... 

Yeah. 

Help, Reddit. 

Need advice.",0.4421530430353968,2.899709584033616,1.9479373567608889,93.94242806213396,91.81512605042015,4.565520753756048,17.29615482556659,6.273863323946077,-0.19993165266106416,923,24,193,10,33,297,132,238,0.146,0.7120000000000001,0.142,-0.2743,0,0,1,0,1,0,58.0,0,1,3,4,9,18,3,1,14,2,19,6,2,2,3,42,45,14,0,4,10,1,1,0,5,3,2,5,1,4,13,11,1,0,5,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,11,8,19,9,20,29,6,21,0,4,2,2,35,9,2,6,11,117,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782124133793392,0.0,0.1136411865443477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556822730952287,0.0,0.10024441828037813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648624027110414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107758831134217,0.09830621384403253,0.11111267607802004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158690232614151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382498034682373,0.11235015976013604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23375864092254375,0.08667829286519091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482359620639899,0.0,0.09597267994401616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682912545282748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816943000401859,0.315388133936218,0.1640262499605292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205624205986312,0.0,0.11314934115486278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151004911327764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812176913198678,0.0,0.1049942869403746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230038112403345,0.2536887277442278,0.0,0.1076180323010332,0.08473627918603925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091527038138274,0.0,0.0,0.10641311426075067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064512563396924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566338031071174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184043827943243,0.0,0.08773859998039517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,existentialyimpaired,2018/02/06,"I would kill myself but I can't do that to my parents Theres a lot to say, but essentially the only thing that really keeps me from ending my life is the thought of the immense amounts of pain that would impose on them. ",7.886086956521738,5.1539680434782635,8.001739130434782,78.6595652173913,64.21739130434781,10.93913043478261,33.869565217391305,8.841846274778883,2.520382608695652,174,5,38,2,2,57,36,46,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.8779,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,6,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658824881424683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668259256817673,0.33211981686905145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203566588521108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25521392198228576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283108121844395,0.31942722857486705,0.0,0.3333295434100331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923117509775468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387260541302765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994353344284788,0.0,0.0,0.23832024087823644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264979383353913,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mogwai360,2018/02/06,"Just feel like life is too much. Hello, just writing here in a last attempt to express myself.  My mum died of pancreatic cancer a week ago. Her funeral was yesterday. She was a single parent and I am an only child. We were absolutely best friends and she was the most beautiful, intelligent person ever. I miss her so, so, so much. 

I have a very difficult relationship with my father, who has never been reliable and has not been around much. He has attempted to help me recently, but we don’t know how to talk to each other and my interactions with him are painful and extremely awkward, not to mention I am angry at him for abandoning my mother and I for my entire life. 

My family arrived from all over to help me care for my mum and organise her funeral as they all care about her deeply, even though they haven’t been in a lot of contact over the years. They are all leaving tomorrow. I had a boyfriend of 5 years who has just broken up with me and gone back home today. He was upset that I had not shown appreciation for his help over the last few weeks and also because last year, during a rough patch that we had I downloaded stupid Tinder and spoke to guys on there. I never met anyone and had no intention of doing so, but it was obviously a stupid thing to do and I deserve what I got. He has never forgiven me, understandably. I think he also doesn’t know how to deal with me and my grief. 

I have been working in another city and travelled up to this city to look after my mum as soon as she was diagnosed, but I still have a rental that I have to sort out whilst looking after my mum’s house and her pets. I’m financially fucked, to be honest. 

I am extremely overcome with grief right now and my family have just left to go out to dinner as I don’t think they know how to handle me and I think they are finding me painful and awkward to be around. I saw them try to whisper the plans to each other so that I wouldn’t hear. 

I feel stupid and useless and extremely depressed. I’m 29 years old and have done nothing with my life. I don’t think my mum would be proud of me and I feel like I have no reason to go on without her. I’m weird and I can’t socialise properly. And now I’m completely alone in this world. The only way out I see is suicide. 
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suicidewatch,theloveoflordjesus,2018/02/06,"I honestly feel like everyone would be better off without me I've been suicidal for years and always been really depressed but tbh this is the least low I've been for half my life and probably the best my life has gone but I still think of suicide everyday. Even when I'm having a really good day ill lie down in bed and just think how much better life would be for everyone if I wasn't here. I don't think I should be alive, I don't feel I can offer anything to this world or the people in it and I just take up resources and kinda fail at everything. I'm a bad influence and bring people down, I have no sense of who I am and what my opinion is on anything I really am just this weird shell of a person floating throug life and acomplashing nothing. Why don't people undehdsbd that death is what is best for me and will probably make their lives better too when I'm gone. And I'm not saying this from a point of extreme sadness or emotion, I am calm and relaxed and still know this is the best thing for everyone. That's why I know I'd never kill myself conventionally, because it's not an extreme emotional response so I won't act like it is by slitting my wrists or hanging myself or ODing. I want to be euthanized, I think about this all the time how I wish so badly I could say my good byes and slip always peacefully. Idk this is  a bit of a ramble, sorry ",5.420797872340425,5.039063375886529,6.389423758865249,80.64562500000002,67.72340425531914,9.74503546099291,29.68173758865248,9.354420925462401,2.3187439716312057,1080,34,226,19,16,361,148,282,0.14800000000000002,0.639,0.213,0.9727,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,7,15,21,1,0,12,0,31,6,1,4,2,48,50,26,4,7,13,0,2,2,0,5,5,2,1,1,16,13,0,0,8,1,0,5,10,8,0,1,6,4,28,13,24,34,7,25,1,4,0,0,7,11,0,7,12,156,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338251986070565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615828709357668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394765146484047,0.059847884024822426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30909260955211065,0.260489152842267,0.10718402843705001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838647159465324,0.0,0.0,0.06331614465765098,0.0,0.08455984197948402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208721760290969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648450866632093,0.0,0.0,0.2814374441260556,0.08823529875017247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928264155099366,0.07013778100533613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469268362043138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861847872706272,0.0,0.1079111965236782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773817194222055,0.09592880016602537,0.0,0.08669222884868592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655340150553495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217150724368407,0.0,0.07572027637000865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420363056867148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041910382661731,0.08572450714580745,0.0,0.0,0.09280914759265252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170316204774625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886844033828445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614883253033218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099012900496234,0.0,0.0,0.15680880975807887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477975123130652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381700421631117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652245410534639,0.25163183347784845,0.0,0.0,0.05724789011567188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057907431234239165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717922850588858,0.0,0.11289888604819585,0.09463927646524437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948447183591006,0.0,0.0,0.06322287062910285
suicidewatch,Smneihart09,2018/02/06,"How long am I going to feel this way I've struggled with this for nearly 10 years now, and no matter what I always end up back in this place. Always. It's always in the back of my mind. No matter how many different medications I try, no matter how much to change. I could be so happy, yet seconds later remember how badly I want to kill myself. Ive never wanted anythint more than death. I day dream about it. I just want to know how long it's going to be like this, why can't I just fucking kick this ",1.7881341719077568,3.3204825094339654,3.697672955974845,89.52961215932915,77.67924528301887,5.843186582809224,18.381551362683442,6.42735559955562,-0.09292536687630992,390,7,84,3,9,132,69,106,0.184,0.6829999999999999,0.133,-0.8701,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,13,6,2,1,1,0,6,2,0,5,1,21,14,7,2,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,11,2,14,11,2,19,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,12,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225999691813066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603541714377903,0.1413539068019814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909122297330027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516795027348102,0.0,0.0,0.1091810017530839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687680851719775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994475276731378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560042876773598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651011559738792,0.0,0.0,0.1924280277836448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802172334548456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729937491359427,0.0,0.09303987632643547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270878269459228,0.0,0.0,0.29964076017525976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163813707068154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705464834121435,0.0,0.0,0.17093927010639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445099905404942,0.0,0.1305704204164446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687680851719775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917777624812284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698345774489255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493991023673075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995629970185527,0.13437816133674207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276203062194751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902016201892932
suicidewatch,donkeyollie1,2018/02/06,I dont even know I just need someone to talk to. like i gave up so much for her. I loved her. she did all sorts of weird stuff and I went with it. like i was there for her. she couldnt even be honest with me. I just wanted it to work out. like i dont even know. im not even suicidal its just 1 30 at night and need someone to talk to,-2.515316455696201,-0.8644774050632869,0.1872025316455712,107.79118354430383,95.20253164556965,3.666329113924052,11.697468354430379,4.935628992294339,-1.8796896202531648,251,3,74,1,10,85,46,79,0.056,0.753,0.191,0.8907,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,17,14,3,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,14,5,13,8,2,5,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,4,51,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200981906161038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735028260990742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193592584761738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699355475873065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626792579067372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175658197942894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175020037062787,0.265784526243053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818950464226087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037116856360705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516850540721504,0.19604187539504805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881067903481234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571090946319436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614236613154962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047714573377836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jakefromnotstatefarm,2018/02/06,"Nearing 30 and still can't commit to anything To keep thinking about suicide all the time! Really, it's been a wonderful 15 years of just basking in darkness and trying desperately to appear normal only to discover how obvious my sadness is to everyone around me. I've run out of people to thank, explanations to give. The humiliation of my existence is so overwhelming sometimes that I've started to interpret the phrase ""so funny I forgot to laugh"" in a completely different way. There's nowhere to hide! What a gift this life has been. Truly a gift to wake up and feel the world becoming disappointed in me before I even make my way into it. There's no reason to live, and even less of a reason not to. Why won't I go through with it? Because of cowardice? Sure. But mostly because I just don't like committing to things. Suicide is way, way too big a commitment. ",3.6810441767068265,5.965991120481932,5.2175662650602455,77.36618875502012,74.5421686746988,8.523052208835344,29.74136546184739,9.21078282632365,2.9758285943775102,690,31,122,17,15,232,107,166,0.16899999999999998,0.677,0.154,-0.41,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,10,0,9,2,1,4,6,31,20,8,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,6,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,1,9,4,30,16,3,21,0,3,0,0,1,10,0,3,5,86,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486199137617746,0.1350730906165642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849880729489065,0.16757538021177554,0.12911222261876215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908745745927447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852699008855448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004342813031897,0.0,0.0,0.1449858289140492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671994105162454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555455860037697,0.0862324357527401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486581568569989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717235576341734,0.07412828445051457,0.0,0.13398158193623452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128186948652697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866452961912016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539854621114536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519142906436244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720300265149352,0.31201024390731763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006620735531787,0.0,0.10739624654975807,0.0,0.12117287023266972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319389894573873,0.0,0.14300502309686566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969386222361604,0.0,0.0,0.1008035819065278,0.0972233369778804,0.0,0.0,0.08847578360912915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301564215020262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817492045211033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369139635508423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454620125939978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771002930634072
suicidewatch,UglyCurryNigger,2018/02/06,"Nothing interesting about this I don’t know how this site works so apologies in advance.
I am a 20 year old Indian male so that means I’m ugly (even by Indian standards lol) , my grades suck and I have no talents.
I have severe acne scarring on my nose which makes me look like a fucking retarded orange
I’ve been rejected three times by girls who led me on for months so that crushed my confidence further 
I study hard but I still pass borderline 
I play guitar and write music for 4 years now but it still sounds like aural diarrhoea 
I am spending fuck tons of money of acne scar treatment (my dad is rich) but I’m still as ugly as a sin and it’s  not really working 
I don’t go out as a result of this 
My lips are kinda fat but I purse them all the time 
I feel very ugly and think that people are staring and judging me 
I feel inferior even to beggars on the street when I see their well developed features 
People around me are so supporting and kind even my parents but I feel unworthy of it all
Yesterday I embarrassed myself in front of my entire college 
I went on stage with my guitar played a few notes then froze and left 
I feel so embarrassed and ashamed 
I want to die now 
I can’t go back and face anybody there 
I tried to explain to my parents I want to die but they are not ready for it 
I don’t feel happy anymore in anything
I haven’t felt happy in years 
I just feel embarrassed ugly and disappointed
I want to quit 
What do I do
Please don’t pity me
",1.694724061810156,3.8449203708609274,3.339973509933777,89.04647240618101,80.39072847682118,6.410772626931567,22.98057395143488,7.554174236665415,1.026888388520971,1160,39,241,18,30,384,166,302,0.236,0.633,0.131,-0.9896,2,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,3,4,21,24,3,4,7,1,18,6,4,4,2,45,44,27,2,3,9,3,9,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,13,13,1,0,11,4,4,7,9,12,1,1,3,14,44,12,31,41,4,38,1,4,3,2,12,14,3,1,18,157,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681833249123165,0.0,0.0,0.09693304512046187,0.10486014072809104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905750253586365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24449966814532456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334021548805315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35735602607160505,0.0,0.11309910220542692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177942087246913,0.0,0.0,0.13388818316191722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250784235952006,0.10551878447221257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266257784091356,0.06473558008380048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798170339427736,0.0,0.0,0.11509475801480913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891588441009656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862729015144759,0.0,0.0,0.1283103715483477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940207082666914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302491061759053,0.0,0.1236032279929625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615888694091569,0.0,0.0,0.1633247304067444,0.0,0.0,0.12930059808029873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528663465745624,0.0,0.0,0.07546077824015282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386523066017878,0.0,0.0,0.13307179652936746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822073034760252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336693320283823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547656421437468,0.0,0.0,0.13737130138848974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799732551003036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971910025324526,0.20843089167056247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590944450003713,0.10919466336036927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150842781835474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275631817597351
suicidewatch,swivelneck999,2018/02/06,"who wants to hear my suicide note and give tips ? Anyone want to listen to my audio suicide note and give suggestions on how to improve it?   NO, I don't have a plan yet. Just working on the note first. that seems most important!",1.596,4.039134377777781,2.6044444444444466,92.42000000000004,83.0,5.377777777777778,22.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.6031333333333335,177,6,36,2,5,56,35,45,0.229,0.6559999999999999,0.115,-0.8516,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,9,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,6,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188910643395022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298082858380556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518347473625038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30450363937540864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459545709820321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5910489449364424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31870905836106395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668853699972336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,munsoke,2018/02/06,It’s not going to get better anymore As title says. Things can get very hard when you’re going through these young years but usually you keep going. I’ve come to a standstill. This was a breaking point long in the making.,1.917045454545452,4.490042068181824,2.5919999999999987,92.15300000000002,82.86363636363637,4.42909090909091,20.163636363636364,5.6839178017228535,-0.0168218181818176,177,5,34,1,5,55,38,44,0.033,0.918,0.048,0.154,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,10,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,9,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688846239143057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397893472729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335514636903794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833048010627213,0.0,0.4622622966146685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428760800950072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098968154876765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239938411525159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097903720171546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563021685859468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561066682427088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012439237562147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986075239347991,0.22370774865969256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459657013109628
suicidewatch,throwaway_account035,2018/02/06,"Struggling to find a reason to continue living I'm a 22 year old college student set to graduate and start a new job this Spring. My life should be great, except I fucked it all up 3 weeks ago. For the past 5 years I have been dating the most amazing girl I've ever known. I'll call her J here. I was going to marry her once I graduated. She made me happy and supported me through hard times. Before we started dating I used to have suicidal thoughts, but those stopped when she entered my life. 
Three weeks ago I came back to school for the spring semester. I saw all the friends that I hadn't seen for a month and we made plans to party a bit, have some fun, then go skiing in the morning before classes started up again. Well, I got a lot more fucked up than I planned to and made the worst decision of my life. I don't remember how or why it happened, but I cheated on J with the girlfriend of one of my friends, I'll call him Ben. I was filled with guilt and regret in the morning, and have regretted it every moment since then. I knew I had to tell J and Ben what happened or else it would consume me, but I didn't know how to tell them. Before I could do anything, Ben's girlfriend told him and he completely shut me out. He called J and told her, and she broke down. She is a very sensitive person, and what I did broke her. What hurts me more than losing the girl of my dreams, is knowing how much I hurt her. I feel like a complete monster and I can never forgive myself. I have been trying to talk to J for 3 weeks now, giving her space when she needs it, telling her that I will do anything to show to her that she means the world to me, telling her that I can and will become a better person. We made slow progress towards fixing the situation, and we agreed that if I can prove that I care about her and that I deserve her, she might be able to accept me back. That gave me hope and I clung to that hope for a week, dedicating myself to showing her that I can be better. Until today. Today she told me we will not get back together. She says she still loves me, but she cannot and will not give all of herself to somebody again. I feel as though all joy and hope for a happy future has left my life, forever. I cannot ever see myself loving someone as I loved J. I am struggling to find a reason to keep living. Sure, I could have a 'good' life, but what is the point if I can not find happiness. I will live with this crippling guilt and regret for the rest of my life. I threw away a perfect life with the perfect girl for nothing. How can I forgive myself? I want to die and I want this pain to end, but I know that will hurt J and will hurt my family. Still, I lay in my room for 4 hours today just sobbing, unable to move, trying to decide if it was worth it to endure the overwhelming pain I feel now in order to keep the people I care about from feeling a similar pain. I do not know if it is. This pain is too much for me to bear alone, which is why I've come here. I have a feeling I know what people will tell me, that there are plenty of other girls out there, that this sadness will pass, and so on. But I truly do not see myself feeling happy or loving again, and that terrifies me. I've lost the one thing in my life that mattered to me and I need help.         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suicidewatch,SouthObjective,2018/02/06,"I'm either going to kill myself or I'm not going to do anything with my life Because I don't care and never had any motivation for life. **Never.** Ever since I was a young child I understood life was this shitty loop of doing all this dumb shit that everyone else wanted you to do. And don't tell me, ""Oh, that's not what lifes about, Oh, you just have to find something you want to do."" I already know what I want to do. I just want to stay where I am. I don't want to go to college or get some shitty job where I'm making somebody else money and just torturing myself for hours. I don't want to do anything but keep doing what I'm doing right now which is enjoying my own time. I've been like this ever since I was a kid. I never did good in school because I never wanted to do school. I'm now
royally failing High School because I don't give a fuck
about High School. And don't try to convince me that
I should just work hard in school, because it's been
tried before and I simply don't give a fuck. Fuck
school. I don't care about getting a girlfriend
or anything. There's nothing I want to do
in this shitty world. So I'm either going
to kill myself or not do anything and
be a bum. My parents will likely throw
me out eventually, so I'll probably just
kill myself anyways. Fuck you.",1.6740563725490212,3.3569726066176493,3.44985294117647,90.5147549019608,78.44852941176471,5.7098039215686285,21.259803921568626,6.42735559955562,0.2677274509803924,1007,27,217,8,24,337,118,272,0.184,0.71,0.106,-0.9781,2,0,1,0,0,3,30.0,0,4,0,3,18,18,10,0,6,0,32,9,1,2,7,46,64,13,3,9,15,1,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,2,12,8,0,1,4,0,1,5,15,11,0,0,8,1,31,7,25,53,5,27,0,1,0,4,11,10,6,5,13,144,43,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567948281220968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052798979118415815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555698240247353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931849768354347,0.0,0.06606731890633427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832165746540433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971925854398694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404626208145745,0.0,0.07418991634934295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096305434301944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871137883278261,0.08112910698253764,0.1489618758979431,0.17650213798173345,0.06512212576629961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955166100826103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640653155412274,0.0,0.0,0.07646137781595258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704734954809529,0.06901145897534282,0.25769692047195714,0.0,0.04266981603021885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936235199271914,0.0758635690632116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051826399043212866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23952808357613925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449924966519872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621185535676425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371082212595819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630553818326354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714649217702269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969802994329113,0.12845193745305006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977232936702615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275566000003066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786221744721943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045273465924694965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542715699929757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36636041740196795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652404020453499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Irischaugen,2018/02/06,Next Weekend. I have the house to myself next weekend. I’ve never felt this empty before. Even if I’m laying in bed with someone i care about I just keep thinking about it. How much easier it would be. My life is in shambles and nothing I’ve done in the past two years has helped. I’ve pushed everyone away and I let toxic feelings and people in. I am so tired. I don’t want to fake that I’m okay when I’m not okay. ,-1.259714285714285,0.7641938222222251,1.0771428571428563,98.79,99.66666666666666,3.4603174603174613,15.317460317460318,5.288315135182226,-0.9059206349206348,324,8,74,2,14,108,63,90,0.099,0.773,0.127,0.1337,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,2,9,2,0,1,1,15,18,7,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,2,8,3,10,13,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,8,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599680999798227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751251315221508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269271833894246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213481381468396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778553367888866,0.0,0.0,0.1993366572116464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547994038625308,0.0,0.20029918100740413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982749065107178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407089729083425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854229552796273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133187816798284,0.14734804982935001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335301645333066,0.0,0.16089358850180965,0.0,0.4437201230049067,0.0,0.0,0.20016778726517728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991427113009087,0.14462453326687966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675534076379462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133669443015849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397675445793064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378253944297686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304411524690065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481911998332858,0.0,0.0,0.1343385816659673
suicidewatch,Neonina05,2018/02/06,"What do people really mean when they say ""seek help""? I know that doing this would devastate my family and friends, just like I would be devastated if they did this to me. But I just don't know what other options there are and I can't go on living like this.

I live in a small town and I go to a small university. I've tried many times to approach the only counselor here, and she really is just terrible, at least for me. I feel like if I were to get better it would be through addressing the bigger picture (ie, why have I really been so depressed for so long?) but this therapist tries hard to stay focused on small things (you can fix your anxiety by asking about your grades; I've never even mentioned feeling anxious to her, she just makes things up). She also doesn't listen and doesn't let me talk. She once spent the whole hour berating me for ""not taking action"" because I outright refused to follow her advice of asking a professor at a prestigious university if I was good enough--which is terrible advice. 

She's not the ONLY counselor in this town--but the other one is a good friend of my moms. And I wouldn't talk to her. Otherwise, I don't have a car, and I can't get to the nearest city easily. If someone would give me a ride and I could find an excellent therapist, maybe I'd try that, but it all seems so futile.

Nonetheless people always say ""you're not alone, seek help."" If I mention something to my friends like ""Man, I've just been really depressed lately. I don't want to go out,"" they seem to take it in stride? Or they brush passed it because it makes them uncomfortable? Which I understand. They aren't therapists or trained in how to deal with that kind of statement. But I wish they'd even say something small like ""Really? I'm sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do?"" instead of pretending I didn't say it.

I am usually happy and chipper and I like to joke around. I'm focused on school and I used to have ambitious career goals. So that's why I think people don't know how to respond when I say something like ""I am depressed."" 

When people say ""Get help,"" what exactly do they mean? Nothing is working for me. I feel like my options have run out and the world would actually be better without me. Sure, my family would be hurt and they would grieve. But ultimately I am a burden to them anyways. 

What do people really mean when they say ""get help""? Here I am trying, and absolutely nothing is working. I think about suicide every single day and it feels like it is getting worse.",3.1845137491616384,5.04080618712274,4.338883299798795,85.0314101274313,74.65392354124751,7.550234741784037,25.31421864520456,8.344100000000001,1.6421047619047622,1973,67,391,35,42,645,214,497,0.125,0.72,0.155,0.9478,0,1,3,0,0,1,74.0,0,3,11,7,27,29,0,0,16,0,53,0,0,5,4,80,92,38,2,16,21,1,5,9,3,8,0,9,1,1,27,19,0,1,17,2,1,10,16,8,0,1,7,15,65,21,45,70,4,43,0,5,0,0,50,21,0,11,20,265,92,9,0.0,0.0,0.05966089364936592,0.0,0.0,0.11948473919128301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331949486022566,0.0,0.04889123744088091,0.050870882237499214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676963826244484,0.06906740893348484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031054243733296,0.05442489249697257,0.11430968569408825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453709645281273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814141790021366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048812920365096144,0.0,0.0,0.03942830776949576,0.0630295632943233,0.1579716275778082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317086476304913,0.0,0.08076082484556935,0.0,0.0515105599799613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526904657581367,0.0,0.12365081823623257,0.1310288567331643,0.0,0.0,0.05587811112882723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170288545259654,0.0,0.1597077978718193,0.05864818201841272,0.10423669934933973,0.10255763126894517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508147417528172,0.05476674417406092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890584318841153,0.0,0.1639153716584535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020763066384732,0.0,0.0654484238076174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366477830412487,0.10079789028490672,0.0,0.06896519982763767,0.0,0.0,0.0625167254628651,0.0,0.26881605391640906,0.0,0.10797018355275076,0.05410432182695239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161884552333863,0.061983322965935166,0.0614203346615947,0.19978835034773168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160291641707067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715262398319785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732520225760873,0.0,0.0,0.06510891054190936,0.041428013971039526,0.0929948880740027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192349239578195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23499556923775855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403301781954439,0.0,0.061873908744769376,0.0,0.11131365874196912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051801182369448286,0.1411987502674946,0.0,0.06843786702065972,0.0,0.06516390830175753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687395592381813,0.0,0.05762089971471749,0.0,0.09193483199584508,0.09827921080773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129543101416168,0.08123341345829489,0.07834824300035957,0.0,0.0,0.035649476809422743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603204158397564,0.0,0.0,0.06364577393102135,0.0,0.0528027392406307,0.06733376899606469,0.0,0.03606018706902738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033326791554472,0.06825727805010863,0.07030453370163621,0.058933887079354076,0.0,0.08901692942166878,0.0,0.062303826881679486,0.30400979876805256,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itstartedin1990,2018/02/06,"I can't handle what's happening in the world and chronic pain. Need someone to call. I suffer from mental illness and chronic pain and I can't stand it every day I think of suicide and its getting to me. Today I was with my parents talking about my non existent future. (I'm also slowly dying of hep c, docter said if I don't test I have 3 yrs).

I just can't take it. Normally I might smoke a joint or something but I don't even have the energy to go after weed which is probably for the best. 

I don't know what to do.",0.6505519480519482,2.5027649642857166,3.3416233766233776,89.23974025974026,82.39285714285714,5.858441558441559,21.788961038961038,6.980632752743323,0.656596428571429,404,13,87,5,11,142,76,112,0.108,0.8109999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.0772,1,0,2,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,12,5,0,0,0,14,21,8,2,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,1,14,1,12,18,1,8,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,3,4,59,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458041292656955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597732598764652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014765376463632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132725770779398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359079891188773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593079861648388,0.0,0.17339772268664652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752346104195283,0.0,0.11696246552538278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199072323026408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310382850830746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740080209527084,0.21832423229520054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260015746796254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164303337414508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43797734714065456,0.0,0.2285196377867874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218902107128499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576557703721031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437603199872548,0.1584370386195808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251148438057798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473808195698593,0.16541648302921874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187011476915952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507697643014216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirbythepandabear,2018/02/06,"Guys i'm in so much pain Stupid but the love of my life broke up with me 5 months ago cause i was dealing with depression and chose to express my emotions through aggressive behavior & hurtful words. For some reason I pushed him away when I needed him the most. 


Now I'm left with nothing. My depression is intensifying. I miss him. I know he would be there for me if I reached out but I don't want to cause any more damage. I feel like I can't do anything right. I keep hurting people even though I try so hard to show them I love them.  


I'm also dealing with the thought of him with another girl. I know he met someone. He claimed there's nothing going on. I don't know. I moved all the way across the world for school last month - being so far away and knowing there's nothing I can do to make it right, it's killing me. 

I also hate everything here. I just want to go home.


I can't take it. 



I don't know what to do. I don't know how much longer I can take this pain. The only reason I'm still here is my mom. But this pain is already killing me sometimes I think death isn't as scary as it used to be anymore",0.8819802703690199,2.7346730000000044,2.278425283156743,97.15800694190719,81.60504201680672,5.315601023017903,22.112531969309458,6.280692351149826,0.11982038728534895,866,28,206,7,23,279,126,238,0.269,0.655,0.076,-0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,0,18,18,5,0,6,0,20,6,0,7,1,38,48,16,3,5,5,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,7,8,0,1,11,1,0,4,7,15,0,0,3,2,37,3,27,41,6,24,0,7,0,2,18,12,0,3,8,126,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630611907997478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744211080470052,0.1557217599625227,0.0,0.10549239595237904,0.0,0.06620994406851738,0.10209323291335333,0.0,0.0,0.09655759157702072,0.0,0.0,0.0801211691817379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295083860195568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003653280691108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075324413151932,0.16771662406994872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951988215508733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643071153403726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750327628197747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492294837593223,0.06955590014481319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066688105403416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964043357277586,0.0,0.0,0.08721781485398564,0.09612546470288624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976626813728562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845747163628384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654040125655607,0.21543470443258814,0.0,0.3210478134175884,0.07936355859848818,0.0,0.0,0.10578480947417733,0.0,0.06877012254158589,0.0475664752271829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574719475467834,0.0,0.06499032820744327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402996473957475,0.15542788456219106,0.10348109384370063,0.1431455081466131,0.0721931749620521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28026627990760955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404868641293992,0.3108021883088053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749900583551452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021005001609332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629435068056458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853620474575586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824950615789195,0.0,0.09629415529465242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775394200545165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640919916951373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238605795537605,0.09565831414368656,0.07729507251015592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610285165335343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840900733524676,0.0,0.0,0.11485403292884155,0.07728194363470481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916363660002614,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sirious23,2018/02/06,"I don't feel human I feel very odd I am a 22 year old woman working in IT industry. I think I am mad, I have no friends.My colleagues think something is not right with me.
They say that I am an odd object on the planet. I cant even think properly.Doing work in my company is also very hard for me.
I dont understand anything even though I want to.My mind just cant take anything in.I wonder how come I have come this far.
I see normal people around me and think why am I like this.I tried socializing and making friends but I fail.I dont talk to even my family 
at home I just see my family talking to each other.At home I do manual tasks which my family tells.I am not comfortable being alone or being in public too.
My head is like constantly getting irritated.I have unstable mind and I forget lots of things.I know for a fact that there is no future for me.
I tried to change but it just doesnt happen, My mind is just constant it has been them same since my 6-7th.I feel retarted.I feel odd.
I am just not able to accept myself and hate myself.I dont think this is depression this is just the way I am.When I went to
psyciartist he said I am depressed and has given me meds.I have been using them for an year.I feel suciadial every second.I dont know what to do.
I just have to live with it.Every year I hope this should be the last but sadly isnt.I cant wait for natural death to come,its hard to live till then
My mind is always clouded and confused writing this post is also very hard for me.I wish I was normal like everyone else.I have no life and cant create one.
I dont even know what I am expecting out from posting this.",-0.0011016949152526934,2.0832592146892708,2.5615000000000023,92.4607245762712,86.79661016949154,5.799887005649718,17.60706214689266,7.1686216300943375,0.15491774011299464,1278,31,290,20,40,441,163,354,0.191,0.7490000000000001,0.06,-0.992,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,3,2,18,13,2,1,7,0,45,2,1,3,1,65,77,17,1,7,14,0,8,3,1,1,1,2,2,2,14,14,0,1,16,0,0,3,17,6,0,1,6,12,44,7,27,67,3,24,0,3,2,0,14,9,0,5,12,176,58,2,0.07492818078980339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760299814123829,0.0,0.11984007821359932,0.06234624878853201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331901699050055,0.06670196659974753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926408015339069,0.19363197946762656,0.0,0.1619414894197732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907106464183762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390763492483884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979574269886478,0.0,0.12626044788269605,0.07159708772130273,0.0,0.0,0.2119068612339203,0.0,0.18942969773627535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788932661081333,0.0,0.03914688191605667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066258742818306,0.0,0.20136279777925145,0.07397606610074847,0.07689793027101947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503181492052193,0.07442059004857278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353570586258593,0.061076467874761876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052923989981399584,0.10981837309588716,0.0,0.13232591277060946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370125985038945,0.0,0.0,0.0500151425040529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30262441189750844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468274168297692,0.0,0.0,0.07862452146222343,0.0,0.05077327445973117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051945766221850084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352097026885616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398825699386775,0.07127385831185462,0.05958589676101759,0.0,0.0,0.1194161182104075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619813654357811,0.0,0.0,0.07637984438689853,0.0,0.05768337423169868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056336667026777934,0.1204488669796005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400547639138463,0.07361655719482879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174263268263023,0.0,0.0,0.07800287868640651,0.0,0.0647138907881103,0.0,0.1854707887964604,0.0441945823520498,0.059474502291208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945917426546849,0.06761102882980463,0.0,0.08616371008979422,0.0,0.08125641584434043,0.10909721601060614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447538754351856
suicidewatch,PM_PICS_OF_GUITARS,2018/02/06,"Was just laid off today. As the title says I was just laid off from my job today, and I can't get the thoughts of killing myself out of my head. I know this isn't the end of the world or anything, but I can't seem to shake these thoughts as I'm filling out unemployment/browsing jobs. 

Despite my overall dislike for the amount of stress the it caused, the pay was much more than I deserved. Plus it feels like it was about the only positive thing I have going for me at this point in my life. I don't really have a reason for posting this, just wanted to get it off of my chest I guess.",3.716612903225805,4.007853403225809,4.443709677419356,90.81056451612905,71.41935483870971,7.16774193548387,25.98387096774193,6.6274283507984215,0.775551612903226,458,13,105,3,8,147,75,124,0.065,0.831,0.104,0.6911,4,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,9,0,10,3,2,2,0,18,21,6,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,6,2,15,1,23,15,3,16,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,3,4,74,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766488419779456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681899991243898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969471313356235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687528196730187,0.13687422504694233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200199085416818,0.0,0.10888683455390964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110615174323903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662990456961396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802533883834964,0.0,0.211969496160898,0.0,0.10529461572888243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135327947875961,0.09360276297740844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084305181678744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571526710766028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811175085941933,0.0,0.1834933306282956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273951414529187,0.19698972614479085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236260784289676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441925951251727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946937078595308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272860130841056,0.0,0.0,0.30420720967590664,0.0,0.0,0.363215914822112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300663723653548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NathanExplosion6six6,2018/02/06,"Would like some relatable stories Id love for yall to tell me a story about when

-You've ever had issues feeling any anger even when you really think you really should have.

 -You've had issues with voluntary exlusion (not rejection) from a very young age.

-You were happy as a kid and your best memory from then.

-How you met your closest friend (pets included)

-Your biggest life experiences and what you learned from them.

Thanks for sharing. Just been craving some empathy to get out of my own head.



",5.773276397515524,7.7042937500000015,5.824844720496894,76.71021739130438,68.02173913043478,9.170186335403725,30.534161490683232,9.606745405546679,3.0896596273291927,403,16,67,9,7,127,75,92,0.035,0.731,0.234,0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,9,1,1,7,9,1,0,3,0,7,3,1,1,1,15,13,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,12,7,12,6,4,9,0,1,0,1,16,3,0,2,7,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097566181064815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484198632074748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634933085485644,0.21412405810510945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315546260471736,0.0,0.0,0.1196912161797408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828869493188137,0.0,0.12367485041075092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519896238754465,0.0,0.0,0.2429399113716866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941420462176178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672002014905048,0.11564795798304366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364631389600816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032939140516577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069010717234495,0.21793718860053407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167868072402366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953162971289576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815694880211196,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RamashekaTalamasoa,2018/02/06,"The only reason I don't kill myself is because I don't know what would happen to my dog. I think about throwing myself off a bridge every day. I know which bridge I'd go to, I know at what time, I know how I'd do it, fuck I even know what I'd wear and that I'd be eating chocolate all the way down; but the only reason I don't is because of my dog. Damn this fucking dog for making me love her so much. I want nothing more than to die and get this shit over with but I can't stand the thought of her at the pound and/or abused by some jackass who doesn't deserve her. Even now as I'm bawling my eyes out writing this, she came to me and hopped on my lap. I can't do this to her but god I wish I didn't care as much. 

I don't feel like a person anymore. I feel like an object. A thing. I don't live, I exist. I'm 23 and I feel 100. I'm so sick of living. I'm so tired of being lonely. People are always repelled from me. Sure, they're friendly enough, nice enough, but never show any interest in any way. Every time I try to reach out to people, I'm met with rejection. I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired of struggling to make friends. I'm so tired of analyzing what's wrong with me, what I did wrong, what I said wrong, how I could have said things better so people would be encouraged to reach out to me, how to improve myself and make myself more likeable and I never get to anything. 

All I want is to be in a place where I fit in and I'm wanted and loved and cherished for who and what I am. 

All I want is to not be alone. All I want is friends. ",0.2121920028818458,1.7197406253602312,2.3093795028818462,97.81937184798271,82.22766570605188,4.798595100864554,18.04836095100865,5.148860815047168,-0.7032506484149859,1195,25,297,4,32,402,152,347,0.227,0.598,0.175,-0.9828,0,4,0,0,1,1,38.0,0,0,0,1,15,25,5,1,10,0,29,13,3,8,7,58,70,26,2,9,5,0,3,2,3,2,5,2,0,1,18,17,1,0,12,1,0,3,12,11,0,0,7,6,46,14,44,54,11,27,0,2,1,4,18,15,4,1,8,189,64,0,0.0,0.10089236653959917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763856296795122,0.0,0.0,0.07085410753529213,0.0,0.0,0.11581390381172126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444888287188483,0.0,0.0,0.07007365367424198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381694232821816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531089806097863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739233333364944,0.08681914648334195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798773200970136,0.0,0.0,0.05491663277219745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837535769040805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713276525919318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597159900321452,0.0,0.11248549104243263,0.0,0.14349013012921208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916772798288478,0.1216666233786998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973669620480526,0.15744513066172067,0.08897784340994258,0.0,0.04839440546978742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530050612547941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420916483120156,0.0,0.23398927649265705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320289745181987,0.0,0.15038329707623144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370779264995946,0.0,0.1705208422752918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519448811507689,0.0,0.13135046782475204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817065886389586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952536913092386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771030804934225,0.07435230467613534,0.08896674864024931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510290788577432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199998297932008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740831856933204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902039182339211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025568350881382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131437230783875,0.05456259642629676,0.0,0.06760196084403422,0.09930678424797512,0.3914833330891835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057813289308472474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511271929984538,0.1351809567642939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792173384880502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209804791282561,0.27930427473335395,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loverboy_lqnce,2018/02/06,"i’m tired of being me i’m sick and tired of waking up everyday and still being me. i don’t even know who i am anymore, nothing feels right. i feel empty and tired. so fucking tired of everything. i feel ignored, hated, and unloved. i’m so done with trying to push through everyday just dragging this body along but never really being there. never really living. i feel hollow and numb, like nothing matters. i’ve always constantly switched schools and have never had the same friends for more than 2 years. i’m at a new school this year and i have friends but there’s this constant compulsion of just wanting to leave and be alone again. nothing makes sense anymore. my mom is going insane, literally. she hates me and my dad and says that he’s a magician and is trying to get me away from god or some bullshit. i’m an athiest but no one knows. she’s threatened to kill me and my dad before and held up a knife to me once. i don’t want to call the police at all. i don’t want to tell anyone. i feel so pathetic and useless knowing that i could never be a good child. they all hate me and i know it. my mom constantly tells me she hates me and my dad just tells me to listen to it. i’m so tired of it. i cant deal with it anymore. i’m so done with everything. ",1.006001642036125,3.215323950191576,2.6936330049261086,92.3530603448276,83.44444444444444,5.567651888341544,21.965106732348108,6.868970318607317,0.5695198686371099,985,33,211,12,28,324,131,261,0.266,0.675,0.058,-0.9958,0,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,0,14,14,6,0,7,0,18,10,2,1,6,52,47,25,1,4,7,5,5,1,2,0,7,2,0,1,10,20,0,2,9,0,0,2,9,10,0,1,4,7,31,4,27,37,5,22,0,1,0,1,21,6,1,2,15,137,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447557192236865,0.0,0.0,0.06786767457154183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426683293339588,0.0570313550190619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663194167108349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940484671106653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905990733611792,0.0,0.0,0.08328583162210633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644247051859573,0.0,0.06512211403683706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408876948653092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693631669532644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387216751185085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660869587284905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620571934900173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603208872804042,0.07540448438575825,0.04261375614402969,0.0,0.046354627498071635,0.06841190517684956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221097453505143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023833850755976,0.0,0.1793014815670271,0.0,0.0,0.08636436243728789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984798739336911,0.0,0.07202239236364334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544445172094896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191053239732685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516283421030968,0.0787748948151349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347882018838903,0.0,0.0,0.0868628605994304,0.055269789841765816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045038085790329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965510012943721,0.0,0.06486286390936925,0.0,0.16509398376676224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513701269686213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387125483666733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687283556046008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075302875682838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432545299080587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504891742379352
suicidewatch,cgy__throwaway,2018/02/06,"I don't even know where up is anymore. Throwaway account. Been depressed and had zero self esteem ever since I was a child. Went through years of abusive relationships that preyed on my weaknesses. Been trying so hard the last few months to get out of it but nothing works and I feel worse. Started antidepressants a month ago and I still just want to die. Broke down and went to the hospital Friday but they gave me Ativan and told me to ""wait out the side effects"" I still want to fucking die. I want out.",1.6117817896389326,4.3337430510204085,2.1602040816326533,93.00182888540036,87.87755102040815,4.648037676609107,21.824175824175825,6.297961479604792,0.3920634222919941,401,14,79,4,13,123,71,98,0.243,0.7170000000000001,0.04,-0.9754,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,1,0,5,0,6,2,0,1,1,19,19,8,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,8,2,10,0,14,11,1,19,0,2,0,1,6,8,1,0,9,53,12,1,0.0,0.2094440932827233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566963499902485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530879994671095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522521410103898,0.0,0.366919664883448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675522384340828,0.15989900434898136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938045759932549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342144487353896,0.09235527113903692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835161385348231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714842367910956,0.1440915208236465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821929946245493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696160270558674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897853230780883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441014542065212,0.0,0.0,0.14622635393194336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511904375171698,0.0,0.2823382406598023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891175300871572,0.0,0.1200155410583244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127913976458437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277359809211157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869100260372093,0.0,0.18014420401924675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383438271371445
suicidewatch,joey873,2018/02/06,"I should just kill myself I think the world would just be better off without me. I get put down by my freinds , my family , and just everyone. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. My head hurts. I should go to bed. Help",-1.4057369614512505,0.3642502857142844,0.5006802721088448,101.17011337868485,107.36734693877553,4.626757369614512,13.607709750566896,6.42735559955562,-0.5908113378684812,180,4,43,3,9,58,35,49,0.318,0.588,0.094,-0.936,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,4,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,9,10,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,6,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,30,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978270920993484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373615972809304,0.2010294752983463,0.0,0.2108659266350577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116863750640762,0.0,0.12712269743766802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6625141098634836,0.2295605705520353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499282234097271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23945444059729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474691659177198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799204599137284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486053235348785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332533625697574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156198750376648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889610270847046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zudedadude,2018/02/06,I want to kill myself and have wanted to in the past but could never find the courage to I feel like sometimes life really just isnt worth it. Finding some job and doing the same things ocer and over again. And i feel like a shitty person and have REALLY REALLY considered suicide but never had the courage to do it. Which just make me feel more pathetic. My mind wont let me get over the stupidity that is a heaven and hell and i sure dont want to burn in hell but i dont want to be here eithrr. I really feel like i am missing that other people have. Like they git all their marbles in their brain and i dont but when i think about it then i think im just being a whiney little bitch. I dont know what i should do. Im not even fully surr why im posting here,1.0830909090909095,2.7481777939393943,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,80.15151515151516,6.096969696969698,17.666666666666668,7.03164865440522,-0.08513333333333327,596,11,138,7,15,200,89,165,0.29100000000000004,0.588,0.121,-0.9919,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,3,0,9,14,5,0,8,0,20,2,1,1,4,39,34,14,2,6,8,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,9,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,1,4,19,8,12,27,4,13,3,1,0,0,4,6,3,1,10,96,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404856050236088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872163049553633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209351904676481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339483078323314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247458690029587,0.2381560808978956,0.0,0.0,0.20312643010416045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805649866493681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36009149385317923,0.0,0.1102711348009466,0.0,0.12293969021137903,0.0,0.06106957686406458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362946070059993,0.07848853863474603,0.21715378659270532,0.11137312996772926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417459352802692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220123356809852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140780148542967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607823047452404,0.07703779099890426,0.09702717691812872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642386584800588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847496100903772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990219660542523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154909730601385,0.0,0.10473088139518552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382431576344972,0.142404589060868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621698164181833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027004483804244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uniquestarr,2018/02/06,I’m done Past couple months have been crazy. Started feeling suicidal the beginning of 2016. Shit got really bad this past October tho. I got admitted to the psych ward twice in December. Then i went to this dumbass partial hospitalization program and it didn’t fucking help. I dropped out of high school so I’ve been fucked since then. My life is fucking useless. I’m just gonna be stuck at my fast food job doing nothing with my fucking life. ,3.0742222222222217,5.761799376470589,3.9192156862745087,83.7853594771242,78.76470588235293,7.5424836601307215,29.44444444444445,8.515128840125781,2.5802287581699352,357,17,66,8,9,114,66,85,0.282,0.659,0.059,-0.9761,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,2,0,8,8,1,0,0,6,23,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,8,1,6,0,8,13,0,14,0,1,0,4,2,4,5,0,8,34,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839635240144896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340190693925867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962228002550336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838094069946757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042849170834112,0.0,0.0,0.6129417885266116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651347140240413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110035737702384,0.1751265387300047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644837069939758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341516810267212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323020052300206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904392331565326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164588921898221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618524856323597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677503044236967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014248357766487,0.13711211979879395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732042039412673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130625156578156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365415969868754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piccplayer,2018/02/06,unemployed and useless I have become increasingly depressed over the past two months. A position I was told would last for at least a year only lasted four months and now I am in danger of losing my car and all of the things I put into storage. It just feels like it would be easier if I stopped existing because then it wouldn't matter what happened to my stuff and the feeling of being ugly and unwanted would go away. I've been applying to jobs non-stop since I was laid off and I rarely get interviews and never call-backs for work.  I feel like people are just being polite and that there really isn't a place for me in this world anymore. I'm a 30 something JD and I have nothing to show for anything except pain and rejection. ,4.7422602739726045,5.732346924657537,5.540986301369866,81.3406575342466,69.47945205479452,8.579726027397259,27.61369863013699,8.841846274778883,2.0708460273972604,585,19,112,10,10,191,101,146,0.181,0.7559999999999999,0.062,-0.9499,3,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,0,7,0,15,1,0,0,2,27,23,12,0,6,4,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,3,1,0,4,3,6,0,2,4,3,12,2,18,12,3,23,0,4,0,0,2,9,0,1,12,81,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550011704108329,0.0,0.0,0.128616246480709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684290301672773,0.1201800662719895,0.0,0.09527507660320454,0.17261390890749764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595931543539024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461537618955302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370800931378664,0.2233122379160676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165691125894398,0.0,0.08882520684771304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820983990616162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509719800415986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25480015128426114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271423431580014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748524659122921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950398646182534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205431946194826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996784372539534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188682616657346,0.16630732038535292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919984586661686,0.10835424470717944,0.0,0.16329345869270273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711815199625478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012562838297603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928761141054831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032238431797805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26133675523568883,0.0,0.0,0.1789186827616073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383446710831427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934515221400707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267605465739778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378354099157433,0.0,0.0,0.33307928815692034,0.0,0.0,0.10064789992849103
suicidewatch,Okomure,2018/02/06,"I survived a suicide attempt. https://imgur.com/gallery/ILTyL 

For the story. Thank you for reading",10.628846153846156,13.088300923076925,4.739038461538461,66.87471153846154,116.69230769230772,4.3769230769230765,41.71153846153846,5.985473137389443,4.384553846153846,84,5,7,1,4,21,12,13,0.246,0.4370000000000001,0.317,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5732565238887811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6268799512178042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276348022828999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BunBunnyBunnies,2018/02/06,"I hate myself and life is confusing I'm in high school with social anxiety and so many things go through my head every single day. I hate myself. I'm fat, I must never do anything that shows my fat off. I'm ugly. No one cares about me. I'm so annoying. I'm too nervous to talk to literally anyone. I'm dumb. I fail at everything. I'm lazy. I'm awkward.

But it's not just that, it's the existential crisis that gets to me. It's been like this ever since I have been thinking outside what I have been taught by my christian parents. I realized things in the bible just didn't make sense. So then I started thinking, is everything I perceive just a figment of my imagination or a simulation? The only purpose of life is to keep humans a thing and to pass on my genetics. Does anything I do even matter if I will eventually die? What if I just kill myself right now, and I won't have to deal with anything anymore?

Life is so weird.

I care and don't care at the same time. So now I just don't know what to do.",0.8884403274450676,2.9895413791469214,3.1940564411891437,89.24525096940977,83.07582938388626,6.111245152951317,22.86105127100388,7.348242739294969,0.9156142180094786,785,28,170,12,22,269,114,211,0.221,0.7170000000000001,0.062,-0.9871,1,2,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,16,14,5,3,7,0,19,6,3,1,3,31,41,15,2,3,10,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,13,7,2,1,6,1,0,2,7,10,0,1,5,0,25,4,20,33,2,18,1,1,0,0,5,8,1,4,9,115,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348026408617672,0.0,0.134150304813838,0.09458309224881682,0.0,0.3339440977832701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137466797075329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723718745831484,0.13945619631123524,0.0,0.0,0.14038766137600645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837464110934386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934376866399263,0.122358376643759,0.11396980066517633,0.0,0.24314175599695406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067236657961562,0.0,0.07687637804404683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26709987644996097,0.13882481697982044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291891719485628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023312737681953,0.14965488883418215,0.0,0.07434019657140968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28663306790372384,0.06608550447901869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029297641527707,0.13714133501443218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432763996927352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166164173074988,0.10287802016516184,0.0,0.0,0.15019999780333995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155188187084302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689925034322986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189575171211699,0.0,0.0,0.13788950990732274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574395502342647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087239400003171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26959974642467505,0.17334957415899724,0.0,0.0,0.07887632686129438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CosmosFactor,2018/02/06,"I want to die still I still feel unloved and like shit. No one should try to even be near me. I want everyone to go away ad leave me alone. I dont want them to try any more. You can't do anything about it. You say youre there for me but that only lasts a while. Dont deal with me, you cant handle me, i cant handle me. I hate it. I dont want to be like this but I dont want to live. I wish no one cared about me so I can just die in piece. Stop caring, please. Seeing you leave in defeat only makes me feel worse. Its a double edged sword. Just stop caring. Id rather be left alone than know Im disappointing someone",-2.284523809523812,-0.4993962142857136,0.15857142857142925,105.79976190476192,100.42857142857143,3.238095238095238,10.23809523809524,4.892091775363687,-1.9870476190476185,470,5,127,2,21,156,77,140,0.248,0.545,0.207,-0.7752,0,2,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,5,1,1,10,10,2,0,2,0,13,1,1,1,0,20,29,5,2,8,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,2,0,4,24,5,15,25,3,12,0,2,1,0,8,5,1,0,8,78,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269438041349763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450507150301923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015916752041676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293593736818622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351134796606951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129523292830721,0.0,0.0,0.2274135359268447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136175631914145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236384645830819,0.0,0.0,0.10468999807768746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079442096339363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622659028182711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816856473308696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834441787457635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021172657944979,0.0893066395282763,0.0,0.2320180438816305,0.11903808264285297,0.0,0.0,0.1070517031182024,0.0,0.0967441553454521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313265580000174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848240828671622,0.16665178481925513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202648102958532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712711111449538,0.0,0.0,0.08730573815066475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246254224456366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283047354975668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499072353128198,0.18319539668785653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876912398203915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310886439195724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598946312983986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165177103755683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlmostAValentine,2018/02/06,"Lovable but not Hangout Material I’m the person at work who everyone likes. I work very hard at being useful and nice. But I’m not really the person you want to hang out with. I’m boring. No one is demanding I get out with them. I like small groups and I suck at parties, I get it.

But it’s my birthday next week and my first attempt at a little get together was a bust. And those were two of the closest friends I’ve made after my move for work.

I’m so pathetic that I have to beg someone to hang out with me on my birthday. I only have to get through the week. But this is going to happen every year. It’s just a reminder of how alone I am and how much more shallow all my friendships are than I thought. I hate this. 

",0.19610007639419536,2.2761632012987008,2.424759358288771,93.81302139037436,85.81818181818181,5.181970970206264,21.3964858670741,6.522977012572876,0.31827165775401056,559,19,126,6,17,189,92,154,0.161,0.67,0.16899999999999998,0.1024,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,5,4,7,2,0,7,0,9,0,0,4,1,25,25,12,0,1,7,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,3,0,3,4,1,18,4,22,20,3,21,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,8,86,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960093191589904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610578616163478,0.16570111961147427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475028431162644,0.0,0.0,0.13397648617084762,0.0,0.36239921869664216,0.0,0.09855315694007777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533462912874226,0.0,0.15534170500528724,0.1712069215030275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943917650889614,0.17380283091581356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408516394203682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430786852897185,0.1274766361469268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844239845408584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175074111543073,0.13188646402165952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30283063839593155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109117690735107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693011446846527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766852990225115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939681549449515,0.0,0.0,0.14977095436821822,0.0,0.14308178510661532,0.1022819783536708,0.0,0.2781988115976745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37873462625645815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167064653559212
suicidewatch,immabige,2018/02/06,"Somethings wrong! I don't know what's going on. In the past 6 months I have alienated everyone close to me and now I'm alone, and while I don't want to die, a part of me if flirting with the idea of ending it all. I seem fine and then out of the blue I'm a raging maniac, like my little mammalian brain keeps taking over. Then I hate myself for how I acted, and want to die so I don't hurt people any more. I can't afford to take off work to go into a treatment center, so I am at a loss for how to get myself out of this!",0.4760169491525446,1.6733269406779705,3.0120000000000005,94.4851186440678,80.4406779661017,5.7369491525423735,16.884745762711866,6.2581,-0.4940738983050848,401,6,99,3,10,140,77,118,0.175,0.696,0.129,-0.6647,1,1,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,3,0,7,0,6,1,1,2,1,19,19,12,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,0,1,14,3,21,19,3,21,0,2,1,0,0,11,0,2,8,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278973835598907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315070674769716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857754260251214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064189513787007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734206736861485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870952802574555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229741287522964,0.0,0.22255529185554174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331195248246832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096079377931935,0.22103435465799146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403602663695422,0.0,0.0,0.10760655330997104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565798435718352,0.19624302742177452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628568313196772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120323074536325,0.1869132446748796,0.13574305881401946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824895619872708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073639740886075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294434448148925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309758129605528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254472391576992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140765507099398,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isredditisfunslow,2018/02/06,Ive been having suicide thoughts for a year now if i go to the doctor and tell them will they put my in a mental hospital? Going to to doctor for a check up and gunna tell them I'm having suicide thoughts for about a year so they can send me in the right direction to get help. But my friend told me if I do that I'll end up in a mental hospital. Is this true?,3.055,2.9294695,4.810000000000001,89.075,72.75,7.9,24.75,7.554174236665415,0.9220750000000004,280,7,67,3,5,96,49,80,0.108,0.778,0.114,-0.2982,0,0,0,1,0,2,4.0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,8,2,0,0,1,8,15,6,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,11,2,13,10,0,14,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,4,47,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989957106565618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263172514677386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058638716094433,0.0,0.10183202779308087,0.0,0.22154281353500832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306435479737314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39284532024192187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959376098630924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645141696349733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426398123887045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34071851497997063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094723131834064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624412136765586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510303067999212
suicidewatch,DueResponse,2018/02/06,"Ready to give up Nothing has gone as planned. I've made bad career moves and found myself stuck in a dead-end job. I've been dating without success for years. My friends and family seem to have forgotten about me. I don't know why I exist. My dog is 14 years old, so when she's gone, nobody else will depend on me. I think that will be my time to exit the world. 

Previously, these were just hypothetical thoughts. Tonight I've begun researching methods and next I'll start estate planning. I have a brother who struggles, so I think I'd like to have enough in retirement for him to live off of. Also, I'll purchase long-term care insurance just in case this goes wrong and I become dependent. I'll probably quit my job first so my colleagues will just think I moved away, nobody will hear about it so nobody will be shocked. Some times I think about waiting until my parents are gone to spare them from losing one of their kids, but that could be 30 more years. 

It's our instinct not to want to die. I keep telling myself that I can just do this, or do that and it will solve my problems, but nothing I've tried has gotten me anywhere. I think it's time to stop trying and just bow out.

edit: the more I sit here, the less I want to wait. I don't want to live anymore. I wish I had access to my method of choice right now.",2.7788080808080835,4.349586651851851,3.4874747474747494,91.91818181818182,75.07407407407408,6.242424242424242,23.38383838383839,6.7829847944221076,0.5381111111111121,1036,30,225,9,22,327,158,270,0.116,0.8320000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9121,3,0,2,1,0,2,32.0,1,0,2,6,16,10,0,1,5,0,25,0,0,3,0,40,51,17,1,6,10,2,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,1,12,7,0,4,9,0,1,5,4,6,0,2,11,1,34,4,32,30,5,34,0,1,0,0,13,11,0,5,18,138,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326605582810822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156620080432874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957430182497144,0.0,0.09737813689191907,0.0,0.1288046488134579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890834404644055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311665636217596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103974599075992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742635638947944,0.0,0.10329633606558214,0.12050620332170225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994495021927332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920231997400672,0.0,0.12787478111865128,0.09010523437597392,0.0,0.0,0.1118786290684603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144638086659702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314673278337355,0.10366286506039167,0.0,0.0,0.06409479595081033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697774717101134,0.0,0.20596642044862315,0.1032106562276358,0.0,0.1304750619955496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103546792215725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479107217360771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403345412727287,0.0,0.0,0.22381227059416944,0.0,0.1223797433623818,0.0,0.07902903804680224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949976802616733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574293873772646,0.11159567323988492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404648685217964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995982719319716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106172255541835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254873599715737,0.0,0.0,0.0975048569180493,0.0,0.12192319098778352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193657682912537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736473030848115,0.0,0.09258830043668728,0.2040173005461916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836328215613732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636774172991787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523714742904457,0.0,0.13411455525368218,0.11242364665359203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751261343797224,0.0,0.22531065114309995
suicidewatch,NSAthrowaway2013,2018/02/06,"Meaningless Words I don't remember the last time I talked to someone that wasn't out of purpose.

In the end, the Suicide Hotline didn't help.  I still come back to being alone.

I stared at the screen until it stopped making sense to me.  Reading and watching things I'll never get.  The world is wonderful, but I don't think I'll ever enjoy the world.

Every hour is waking pain, and sleep doesn't stop me from waking back up.

It took 4 months for me to think of suicide.

Noone is waiting for me.  Noone will love me.  Noone will talk to me.  Noone will know.

I love you.  I don't know what to do anymore.  This is what I get from life: continue being nothing more than to be a tool.",0.7033183453237406,3.0015362517985618,1.9751034172661868,96.37546088129496,85.76258992805755,4.626079136690648,19.47886690647482,5.985473137389443,-0.17137086330935247,525,15,115,4,16,167,82,139,0.134,0.7290000000000001,0.138,0.5578,0,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,17,7,3,1,2,18,30,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,6,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,3,3,15,3,19,21,1,26,0,0,3,2,6,6,0,1,18,74,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586992485757604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882847011649498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246295121693417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379573927709353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418477796079376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486730980771834,0.13493557919418614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673463788088925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734699652929462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771817504403662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603149998028994,0.13054584719155868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312060682759828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890881764370177,0.0,0.10690318837668343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783237814483245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235196555846733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367086017764325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041379233439202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019606584996446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142181893057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026838663132725,0.0,0.13569688523449094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278981740591754,0.26778970061501184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35036217735148983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574493897610089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063983550089534,0.20523880059182195,0.0,0.0,0.09338634258917992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793557164428128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736787999577877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatever54605357379,2018/02/06,"If things don't change, I'm going to kill myself when I'm 35. I just turned 34 so time's running out, lol.",-1.814533333333333,-0.06536631999999898,0.8760000000000012,103.62466666666668,92.2,3.333333333333334,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.840466666666667,82,1,22,0,3,28,22,25,0.184,0.706,0.11,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916012775826322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641052496337274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141324653954624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308732496432486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27097598151616864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054707430794861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ticajudia,2018/02/06,"When does it no longer become selfish to commit suicide? Let’s say someone has been through countless traumatizing events such as childhood molestation, rape, miscarriages, extremely abusive relationships where their partner threatened and attempted to murder them, etc... They are “damaged goods” to the point that they can only become a workaholic to distract their mind, or lay in bed in emotional agony crying for days. They’ve already attempted suicide, got Baker Acted, became diagnosed with severe depression (duh,) anxiety, and ptsd. They start taking medication as well as seeing a therapist. Their therapist and psychiatrist tell them that no matter how long they are on medication and seeking therapy, they will never be truly happy because depression, anxiety, and ptsd are incurable. They’re broken and will never feel happiness again.

If they decide the time, effort, and money in medications and therapy are pointless because they will not change how they feel, are they truly selfish for attempting to commit suicide once again? Why should they live a life of agony just for the sake of pleasing others? Who’s to say their friends/family aren’t the selfish ones for pleading that they not harm their self again?",10.976041200179134,11.531762842364532,9.336336766681594,60.99526197939993,56.044334975369466,12.30792655620242,42.09986565158979,11.741389052700956,5.534097536945811,999,48,132,25,11,305,127,203,0.34700000000000003,0.595,0.058,-0.9975,1,0,0,0,0,5,30.0,0,0,18,4,10,15,3,1,7,1,15,6,0,2,4,26,21,16,4,2,5,0,2,0,1,4,5,2,1,2,6,9,0,0,3,0,1,1,7,11,1,1,2,5,18,4,21,13,1,19,0,3,1,1,25,6,0,2,12,95,24,0,0.0,0.12696223802569773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824921774901602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639479646641676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064250344253778,0.2366905805029726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335675060947628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770574191491315,0.06910670094012511,0.0,0.18458646662133127,0.1087609989807033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377286407757013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053598254732832,0.0,0.0,0.11950717156785537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101706083783547,0.0,0.10836250146479944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987729824298843,0.08570237479017294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813892997219995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957418399936,0.07568739234682588,0.0,0.0,0.09462063688925323,0.09482961353355844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32384493555592714,0.0,0.0,0.10819692829784842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529049652341687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411755319710065,0.07261162180170755,0.0814969026398657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762501729355165,0.10129697633790387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505190626844069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504535164855753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042937042628975,0.0,0.0,0.0853893914149576,0.0,0.11178699007589382,0.12105568419977622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079285977167684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584550877216617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516335395164369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056791300631011,0.0,0.09365899354733008,0.0,0.2450842570266482,0.24883255470329935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248347626135541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634603726373214,0.0,0.09669154702456256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ninakiii,2018/02/06,"Someone, please help me. I didn't ask to be born, but here I am, 25 years later. I've ""made"" it this far, I guess, right?

I want to say so much and feel like I have nothing to say at the same time. 

I've struggled with severe depression since I was about 14 years old. It has never went away. Every time I think I am progressing in life, I'm reminded I'm behind everyone else (because I guess that's a good measurement for MY OWN progression, according to most people I know [aka my parents especially]). 

I've never felt good enough for anyone, not even myself, and I think that's what hurts the most... I've tried 'self love', and ignoring everything else. Never worked, no matter how hard I tried to better my life. I had straight-A's in school, was in all honors courses, etc. I knew everyone in high school and they knew me, but I didn't really have friends, their fault and mine I suppose.

Went right into college like my parents told me, picking a major I was unsure of because I was the first in my family to go to college. Fast forward 3 1/2 years (changed majors, etc, etc), I graduated with an Associate of Arts that does nothing for my life, $20k+ in debt, worked for a year in a grocery/liquor store, lost about 100 pounds. Felt great about myself for a FEW months... that was it. That was the best time in my entire life...

I gained every bit of weight back. I'm a fat, fucking cow and I hate looking at myself, though everyone around me says I'm insane to think that (they're just being nice). I FINALLY got my FIRST full-time job, and I started January 8th... I thought, FINALLY, I can be proud of myself... someone else can be proud of me... 

I've always tried to talk a lot.... to find common interests with people, or talk about things I 'thought' I was good at (drawing, games, etc) just to feel like I was decent at SOMETHING and people appreciated my company.... I've been told I talk too much by all of my family, and my spouse.

While I can't, or I suppose I don't want to, explain everything leading up to this point, today specifically, I want someone to help me.

I don't even know what I am asking for help with. It's been a few months since I had such serious thoughts of suicide. I tried twice before, once I actually took a ton of different pills, almost immediately threw up, felt really dizzy the rest of the night and lethargic... I never thought I'd do anything like that....


My fear has always been, ""even if they don't care about me, I love my family and I'll miss them... they'll be okay without me... but I don't want it to hurt.""--- I'm caring less and less about the pain.
Today, the thoughts won't go away.

I'm asking for help, in whatever way it can be offered. I'm so scattered brained, this post probably doesn't even make sense.

I'm so worn down.... my heart is so heavy, and I'm just... here. Please say something. Anybody. Please.",2.4513890372903084,4.182819689354279,3.756650639313317,88.95733732236349,76.3647469458988,6.981215941874133,23.910282437582364,7.817275551320576,1.1025897994800018,2194,70,469,33,49,718,252,573,0.122,0.708,0.16899999999999998,0.9813,5,0,2,0,0,1,142.0,0,0,5,14,25,34,2,2,18,1,41,13,3,5,6,73,99,26,1,5,11,3,7,4,1,2,7,4,0,1,19,19,2,1,19,2,2,8,16,13,0,3,35,12,73,21,64,56,24,63,0,5,1,3,31,26,1,9,33,282,92,9,0.0,0.0,0.055340948670246234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056787046864518465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437481440560036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039653071798932515,0.0,0.04666764066525643,0.05048407755606321,0.1590490703764982,0.0,0.10656214933555216,0.0436066228129984,0.0,0.06913999064558332,0.0,0.048256180637966106,0.0,0.059513828214289084,0.0501555398442056,0.06191282151612846,0.0,0.0,0.06330730866357114,0.0,0.0,0.11563960257543092,0.0,0.059991843926966514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048844389227099966,0.0,0.0,0.05925006102865035,0.0,0.0,0.04962745488097952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421222188854746,0.0,0.0,0.058596768678206415,0.2529873358685581,0.14982613866337555,0.0,0.09556153391131696,0.16256700275419714,0.10193489426738804,0.0,0.1603839131369127,0.06381471141022749,0.0573487352139086,0.08102751837641596,0.16335197933976214,0.12424644591537147,0.05183207107062178,0.0964752889996896,0.0,0.0,0.043814139271564384,0.0524276414668841,0.0,0.0,0.06445939682756782,0.14269740848552612,0.04535630621854324,0.06252316634716433,0.12494529906154367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080117632809585,0.05598955546142445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720182849469668,0.15204653524849132,0.059917411772125916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214188270049277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562760965484394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233285637221785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022429028696147,0.11082290467228767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762226281037348,0.0,0.06190585332320976,0.04821296142591048,0.1023662911625058,0.05366053723924436,0.03785448108754439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905310386778851,0.0,0.08337700516924453,0.0,0.17495352710321374,0.0,0.0,0.05321865605715144,0.0,0.1088298816645967,0.0,0.05950778727597919,0.060394483821375924,0.0,0.0,0.060343622832356676,0.0,0.1259398726661921,0.0,0.0,0.11794708121827405,0.0,0.0,0.18675222185113294,0.05360944418451891,0.0,0.05431266995058735,0.0,0.06114315853485605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265997841820968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686035640118447,0.0,0.1803928241805197,0.0,0.11478744612831235,0.0,0.0,0.05916107885627545,0.06406635400131176,0.0,0.0938224828802128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415103759996242,0.08731652414036971,0.0,0.0,0.04013975259838461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928578630717924,0.0,0.06203172523540739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367444676397542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03767571929885235,0.10901276772107883,0.05571745740474416,0.2251077153477863,0.0992044744330962,0.0,0.10750922682032336,0.10837800183613146,0.06300708925421494,0.15400994066425014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379651825900735,0.045013895981426265,0.0,0.06905771335747757,0.0,0.10514179774157648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466658342338264,0.0,0.0825713632594885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607796934207706
suicidewatch,Bardzo1,2018/02/06,"Been thinking about suicide for some time now and been trying to overdose Why won't 14 pills of paracol not test the waters but just make me able to cope will live a little easer for a bit then put me back at the same position that I was that at the beginning?
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suicidewatch,finding_bliss,2018/02/06,"when i think it can't get worse, it does not graduating in may anymore. got kicked out of my university. bc i was dumb and got caught smoking weed. 8 years down the drain. nothing to show for it. bye bye pharmacy and mba dreams. my 2nd and final appeal just got denied today. there goes the bit of hope i had. as if my depression before this happened wasn't bad enough already. and now i have a court case to deal with. i'm 25 and my future got ripped out of my hands. i can't smoke or drink these feelings away bc i chose to enroll in a substance abuse center and they will test me. so all i can do is sit here and HATE MYSELF. i don't have anybody to turn to or anybody to talk to about it. i'm all alone and can't handle any of this. i haven't told my mom bc i can't have this conversation right now. i just want a horrible accident to happen to me so i can finally peacefully disappear. i wake up every day wishing it was over. just wanted to get this off my chest.",0.07831715210356194,2.2449876650485407,2.192451456310682,94.63165453074436,87.39805825242719,5.375080906148868,18.292071197411005,6.816661863887847,0.012511974110032131,753,20,173,10,24,252,123,206,0.138,0.778,0.085,-0.9211,0,1,2,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,11,5,2,0,5,0,19,4,3,0,2,27,39,15,0,5,7,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,11,1,0,2,3,0,2,8,4,0,0,10,2,24,1,27,27,4,23,0,1,0,0,8,11,1,5,11,110,34,2,0.0,0.17269530972033365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095775821535432,0.1608437721397143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911809324462688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445493498001387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694119920238584,0.0,0.12169896243896935,0.0,0.0,0.12402638810674455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912622028154358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939996278278412,0.15026654266916115,0.12553818174227815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755079035359282,0.0,0.0,0.14278397125960013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506034144808911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280449609014445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369788073815266,0.0,0.0,0.3193339737679041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230147485832207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662929194792978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778053728839034,0.0,0.0,0.14390244407613378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476715729912634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707059692731708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985542331053052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447359070227935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171519875155288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339363137335643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815827231240502,0.1392747202561041,0.0,0.0,0.15853909769980865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193962184262698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676105411674948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853634027020327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386115249872992
suicidewatch,bungtheboozel,2018/02/06,"I want to have an understanding of ""you're not alone"" I am in a boarding school and I have been here since September. Getting to meet new people (most of them not even from Canada) was amazing! But now it's December and winter fucking sucks. I like to snowboard so I guess it's not a complete loss.

Anyway. I fucking hate this place. It is in the middle of nowhere and we only have fucking nothing around us. The reason I'm even here is that I barley passed grade nine at my public school. and everybody fucking hated me there. My grandma ( my legal guardian at the time.. not anymore) was diagnosed with kidney cancer and the family thought sending me away to this place would be a great idea. well, to be honest, I've been getting fucking massive depression storms coming over me since fucking OCTOBER. I swear to god I'm getting anxiety attacks like fucking mad, and I have nobody to love. The girl I used to have the biggest crush is now my friend after a bunch of dumb drama shit happened. we barley talk at all anymore. the girl that I met over Snapchat about a year ago works Saturdays in the kitchen. So being able to see a girl I know and can talk to for at least 2 minutes in person is amazing. but the urge for someone to love grows bigger and stronger every day and I find myself getting more and more fucking angry as I fucking think about everything that has happened in my miserable life. thinking about why I did the absolute fucking dumbest shit, and who really cares about me. I don't really love this girl like i loved the one before. I love her because she is the only thing that can warm my heart up at this point and have that small spark of light doesn't even keep me going. The urge of fucking dying is strong and the things i think about doing to myself and others when i get into those weird, things... is just fucking disgusting. I always look things up about how to be attractive and be more positive. My room mate is the hottest mother fucker though. His jaw line could literally cut diamonds. FUCKING DIAMONDS. He has sexy abs biceps and fcuking everything anybody would want. I have nothing he has. He is so positive about everything and he has the looks only a god could have. I don't have that. i have terrible hair and i put no effort into anything because trying to do stuff i don't care about is not possible for me. I have no way of learning things because I'm too stupid to ask questions. I am the dumbest person you will meet. I am anti-social as fuck but i want to be able to talk to people. just small talk or something so i fucking have friends. i cant live anymore. I don't want to. this is painful. There are so many things wrong with me. i cant do this. dont tell me im not alone because fucking christ no shit Sherlock. I dont care if you do or dont understand i j ust need somebody to fucking tell me how saying you're not alone is supposed to make me feel better. i want to dream. and stay that way. insanity is good enough. fuck off. help
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suicidewatch,DaenerysScarletWitch,2018/02/06,"I just want to die I didn’t think it’d get this bad again. I want to die so badly, there’s nothing keeping me here except fear. Dying would by such a relief, but I can’t do it ",-0.7964634146341467,0.6731170975609757,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,85.34146341463416,4.1000000000000005,15.128048780487804,3.1291,-1.319980487804878,135,2,35,0,4,47,33,41,0.298,0.594,0.108,-0.8275,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931730249693277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7330633639899002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649407753683828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301015221753855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927409136004774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259155655042773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086347419908144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777428002553826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725317879815688,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Phoenix011,2018/02/06,"Lost all the will to live I’m so lonely and have no one who cares about me, thinking about jumping in front of a car on my way to college tomorrow ",0.8298958333333317,2.55610303125,2.5825,95.54583333333336,81.1875,5.516666666666668,23.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.375341666666666,115,4,27,1,3,38,30,32,0.211,0.708,0.08199999999999999,-0.5777,0,2,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,7,4,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800599565402146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41576657904971226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5139851849030663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31905815251573616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30169978317115825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373736478979225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pontiff_Sulyvhan,2018/02/07,"My lifes been just endless suffering and pain. Fuck this. Childhood was shit. Got bullied, beaten up, had no friends, shitty grades, numerous embarrasments.

Teenage years same fucking thing but this time no girlfriend, Nobody went to prom with me because im the ugliest most hideous piece of shit to walk the planet.

I applied for a job with amazon 9 months ago and theyve sent 8 emails saying the same thing ""were still schedueling bla bla bla""

So for 9 months after high school ive done absolutely nothing with my fucking life. I went to college for 2 weeks and dropped out because the professor just sucked. 

Fuck it. Whats the point of living if its just gonna be endless pain and suffering ?

I want to be fucking happy, But it just always fails.",4.454476190476188,6.694509114285713,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,72.14285714285714,6.666666666666666,29.523809523809533,7.492282038375204,1.8133095238095243,596,25,109,7,12,180,96,140,0.302,0.633,0.065,-0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,6,16,9,0,6,0,8,11,2,0,0,19,20,8,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,14,0,0,9,1,7,2,15,8,4,18,0,3,0,5,5,4,8,2,9,62,15,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830640581956105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105144662303107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271493679863033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365784195493122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031127548021212,0.6169194042500383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674211018628528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207325561570153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101040191942482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441623440771533,0.0,0.13244088417790212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853694529183276,0.0,0.0,0.1178497850667176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130569023692432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806081655138665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840269049412876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616515045552626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613469394262474,0.0,0.13507112069039354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739945660645333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658328186954626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733303771996706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782302560741304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871960861258047,0.0,0.10705552394444856,0.0,0.0,0.2474420493070729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594543956120243
suicidewatch,taikutsuu,2018/02/07,"It seems so easy. I could just walk downstairs, grab as many pills as I can get, and throw them down my mouth. I could just do it. My father teaches chemistry, I bet we have something here that could burn my lungs so bad I couldn't breathe anymore. My father is a sociopath who doesn't love me. My family thinks I'm incredibly strong for steering through my father's abuse but I'm not. My legs are cut up- and sideways, 2 grams of caffeine made me barely shiver with how much I've been abusing it. My intelligence is lost forever. 160 fucking IQ what, where? It's gone, it's all lost in the fog that is abuse and depression and self hatred. My entire life is in shambles, and it would be so easy. If I wasn't this scared, it would be so easy.",1.2923684210526325,3.5210190263157912,2.3215789473684225,95.33855263157896,82.42105263157895,5.11578947368421,21.34210526315789,6.322622252153567,0.13214999999999974,580,18,128,5,16,183,99,152,0.206,0.667,0.127,-0.9331,0,0,1,0,2,0,21.0,1,0,1,3,9,9,2,1,2,0,19,8,4,2,1,24,30,14,0,7,5,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,4,7,0,0,6,1,19,2,10,16,2,8,0,3,0,2,8,5,1,3,0,81,31,1,0.0,0.582038765108491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239260771114794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672155491208107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39221496074157597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103468973490332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436570290304874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513810749774373,0.08555082985393347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565905227902447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574974712292743,0.0,0.14778768187981253,0.15494097357544925,0.0,0.16601333145599026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037257749704493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393889277510978,0.0,0.0,0.14906873687996294,0.17082339513107575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260601175051114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492219690578283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326417451559016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRealLonelyCheese,2018/02/07,"Hai :3 Hai people :)

Anyone wanna chat in the comments?

Thanks :3",-0.6050000000000004,-3.629458166666663,1.0793333333333344,91.599,172.33333333333337,0.96,10.733333333333334,3.1291,-1.5728866666666668,50,1,8,0,5,16,10,12,0.0,0.419,0.581,0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187025692517457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142893205843223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6829744793069168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,celumoculis,2018/02/07,"I don't know where I am I've had suicide ideation on and off since I was about thirteen. When I have a particularly bad day, I comfort myself that I can always just jump off of the golden gate bridge. But something is stopping me from actually doing it, even though a part of me feels like everything would be solved if I die. My parents wouldn't have to worry about me being an emotional and financial burden. I feel like none of my friends truly care about me. Part of me just wishes I could just disappear without anyone noticing.",5.246167582417584,6.235981721153848,5.748516483516487,80.31076923076924,68.32692307692308,8.250549450549451,30.241758241758237,8.418075326091056,2.20546043956044,425,16,80,6,7,137,75,104,0.181,0.634,0.185,-0.3772,1,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,0,16,19,6,2,5,6,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,2,17,5,13,12,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.18256104674476253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556638015630211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308092193611132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620223452364648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073838991370035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936648265602032,0.0,0.0,0.12064977068693808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415732723368884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104374605649292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356319037415445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681335561137233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918441735655184,0.26729698216904746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453592357620876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102813122826183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279362720019174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129894321929788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077278717956231,0.4051742760787658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475277434133658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402170931477545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640550346955376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463286160557045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380308957796468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513035555426266,0.18033642233347374,0.0,0.0,0.1899866911916824,0.0,0.13289477456645546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randothethrowaway27,2018/02/07,"Self-Hate that just wont stop Everyday I wake up is a battle to get out of bed. Somedays I just lay in bed and think about how shitty of a person I am, and how pathetic it is that I can't even get out of bed. I hate myself. I hate how I can't talk to anyone I don't know without someone else right beside me. I hate that I can't seem to focus in class and think about how much better it would be if I wasn't around anymore. Who the fuck would care anyway. 

I initiate 100% of conversations im involved in, and my ""friends"" seem to shy away as quick as possible. My parents never praise me or seem proud of me, it's always just how I need to do more in order to get into a good college. Never a ""good job"", always a ""why don't you do this in order to put on your resume?"".

I've tried to seek help, and talked to one of my teachers, but that very temporarily helped, and ultimately I've ended right back where I started. He hasn't replied to my last email from 2 days ago, while he's always replied same day. I just feel alone. Nobody to talk to, nobody who cares about me. Just today in class I had to force myself into a group for a group project as I was the last one left.

I hate that I'm gay. I can't even talk to anyone for the fear of rejection. Like I don't experience it already. I've told a few close friends, but besides an ""oh okay"" they've been anything but supportive. I'm the same guy who's stayed up for hours trying to calm them down and help them, but when it's my turn to vent nobody seems to be there. 

no parents, friends, or teachers seem to care about me, so wouldn't it just be better if I vanished? One less mouth to feed, one less friend to manage, one less test to grade. Sounds pretty good to me...",3.2208242753623217,3.472205665760871,4.4025,90.80916666666668,72.5054347826087,7.220289855072465,23.757246376811594,6.816661863887847,0.5258528985507249,1327,31,313,10,24,437,175,368,0.101,0.738,0.16,0.9732,3,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,2,2,4,25,26,6,1,13,1,24,5,2,5,2,51,51,26,0,6,15,2,1,1,4,4,0,1,3,2,15,13,1,1,9,0,0,1,15,8,0,5,5,2,38,18,57,39,8,42,1,1,0,2,31,21,1,9,18,199,53,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082593333261304,0.0,0.0,0.08275160732652836,0.08817089515886463,0.0,0.19944792424027555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923866368564961,0.11173493563735347,0.0,0.06575033899668703,0.07112734147105518,0.0,0.0,0.07506804868586815,0.06143765126292047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413289251527771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443880694113605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030569131763662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674563600153782,0.0,0.07076708914129501,0.0,0.0,0.10554550505716516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815687416391913,0.0,0.08990895722144288,0.0403995008917708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469200901427303,0.0738656411617301,0.12523230331177268,0.0,0.0,0.2010472963304778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911289637414977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155361787640728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606645058548477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868474348624308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630498492410009,0.0,0.07928775427091429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391058106518278,0.1302572325173562,0.0,0.0,0.08681085354421482,0.0,0.0,0.03903477574036261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873519934003965,0.05924433923617766,0.12324657462559947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27070926197508643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743749636708206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976501126039993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007448711116553,0.0,0.08128634079985991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803208928806379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364671789259567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36368673655041933,0.08335242439427208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769844124544858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655315552628304,0.0851620525961619,0.0,0.06679941577838698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066881044957076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568802129288997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239252624805403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573522046477273,0.07634723181768177,0.0,0.10849279782717787,0.0869075250842078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592531325096758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209671588311269,0.0,0.0,0.07702010088018084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351638023105415,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Everythingisntokayy,2018/02/07,"I have given up... it’s all over I’m 14 almost 15. If u read this thanks. Sorry for my bad English.

I’m a freshman in high school and this year has gone terrible. I lost my best friend right after Christmas break and struggle to make new friends. 

First, I have really bad anxiety. I get anxious over almost everything. I have a hard time speaking in front of people, I get worried about what people will think of me, how i look, etc.

Secondly, I have a slight problem with being too much of a perfectionist. I have pretty good grades right now yet I always want better. I study a lot and my few friends even tell me that I try “too hard” in school.  

Lastly I care a lot about my self. I hate my body for one thing. I am an athlete and play a lot of sports however I wish I was 10 pounds skinnier. I’m not overweight. In fact I’m probably already a little below the weight i should be. I don’t eat a lot because of this and sometimes I won’t even eat the whole day.

Well here I am now. Sitting in my bed. My wrists are covered in cuts and I’m done with life. I’ll clean up my room, write notes and this will be it. I give up. I’ve lost hope. I was going to get help tomorrow but I don’t think I can make it. Even if I do make it, I will kill myself by the end of this year.",-0.2398511166253101,1.7958602600732654,1.8489117334278653,97.49205600850763,87.42490842490842,4.8412619638426095,18.33026113671275,6.207218560251982,-0.3083122060734964,973,26,232,9,31,324,152,273,0.123,0.743,0.133,0.1449,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,5,13,21,3,1,13,0,24,7,2,4,2,33,50,11,1,7,4,0,3,0,3,5,2,1,3,1,12,9,4,0,2,3,0,3,4,10,1,3,7,5,38,11,28,35,10,35,0,2,1,0,9,17,0,9,13,150,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889655016891752,0.0,0.10959508284636492,0.0,0.08263691301331831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597467075003916,0.11219615648584924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584549956003275,0.060540679509740715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042235489671476,0.08783485317234566,0.0,0.11031507697442716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125688552722084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404908851783925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163234535886094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324531615185049,0.0,0.0,0.08796241643302137,0.0,0.11076097261389996,0.1967871883906775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925670523062852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447614032636443,0.0,0.0,0.2301884399058161,0.0,0.15566184999897836,0.09527070305598624,0.05644223622668752,0.08329957808139267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793104720320313,0.09805166883688264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656784644527157,0.10493032438329268,0.0,0.09864086365649866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987583966583192,0.0,0.0,0.0809538803215985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014816835644337,0.0,0.09953836836887876,0.0,0.0,0.08339845358413096,0.0,0.21682516244638056,0.3377316564433749,0.0,0.0,0.19887789854726826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300696024545493,0.0,0.0,0.0959177424535074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729749979283288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770316091494447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103768639512152,0.10707691252221624,0.09502975086568302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934052612014073,0.0,0.06362286754058898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962662966336292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102143268773234,0.0,0.0,0.10360579690697616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822373972455928,0.11117350073465772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382419074091068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680450790730251,0.0914346661116219,0.0,0.0,0.0659795763948799,0.12727235417974386,0.0,0.0,0.057910588228386864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742744952673899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857776415504312,0.0,0.0,0.12093727097770905,0.0892948988317984,0.0,0.0,0.11088014401674344,0.1142057967231673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085783281695747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790946950955873
suicidewatch,DirectPlan,2018/02/07,"The End I’ve always been a sad person; I was just a lot better hiding it as a kid.

Growing up I never thought I’d come to the point where I am now, mentally, emotionally and physically broken.  I’ve never been one to talk about my thoughts, good or bad. So there must have been a lot that has happened that’s brought me here today.

For the last 13 months, I’ve been sitting in a 8x8 room, just slightly larger than a jail cell. The number of times I have left the house in that time, you can count on one hand. I no longer can look at myself in the mirror. I’ve gained about 50 pounds, and find myself no longer giving a fuck. I hate myself. I hate the way I feel every fucking day.  I used to think you’d have to be asleep to experience a nightmare; mine begins the second I wake up, until I close my eyes to sleep. I thoroughly enjoy sleep as it’s the closest feeling to death, and for those few hours I’m sleeping, I escape it all.  But lately, even sleep has run away from me, as I stay up staring at the ceiling all night.

I’ve come to terms with the decision I will be making. Quick and fast is all I hope, but with my luck, it will probably be slow and painful. I am not making this decision in haste, as I’ve had a fair bit of time pondering my escape from this world. 

I can no longer afford to live. I can no longer go day in, and day out, staring out the window watching the world pass me by. I can no longer wake up with the feeling of hatred, and disgust. I am not meant for this world, I gave everything I had to everyone, and received pain and heartbreak in return.

I had such goals and ambitions, starting a family, having kids, just being able to smile and finally getting to experience this thing called happiness. Unfortunately, my story has a different ending, and I’m ok with that now.

TL:DR: life sucks, im out.

Sorry for the rambling.
",3.4630158730158733,4.423030592592593,4.6668253968253985,86.53928571428574,72.43915343915343,7.504761904761906,24.846560846560852,7.793537801064563,1.1468846560846564,1436,41,306,18,27,474,197,378,0.156,0.74,0.103,-0.977,2,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,2,0,3,14,18,6,0,26,1,32,14,9,3,6,54,61,21,1,2,8,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,14,22,0,0,11,0,0,8,9,11,0,3,13,9,38,7,51,40,8,64,0,2,5,2,11,26,3,5,27,205,52,1,0.10077900440469124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385620490242163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946851920801684,0.0,0.08414625913609097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913083967702498,0.11002457127662313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290663126537222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362437742349485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949823618060245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529260988522066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336281547212325,0.17852057021856038,0.0,0.0,0.06656358193987133,0.0,0.08491065777377124,0.09629865749803647,0.09057367089121957,0.19716240856516007,0.09500547625103847,0.0,0.15287067809185112,0.0,0.0,0.1103984732865209,0.09211018426028324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633713128179002,0.052652870301437824,0.09667640410736277,0.05727503065625391,0.08452864746717674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911854076729529,0.10728112416676604,0.0,0.19899680501581346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000962907847014,0.09924701895410062,0.1162854402348747,0.0,0.0,0.108858618521049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821483393843621,0.1136831065929462,0.0,0.1094966831610842,0.0,0.07118319120027443,0.0,0.0,0.08898970724629435,0.0,0.08462898185909813,0.0,0.0,0.17135741130713295,0.0,0.0,0.13454153600385133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156153296512352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044083982803885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545396205089512,0.0,0.0,0.094574268676817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658092313150558,0.0,0.21447193226943267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799633941876564,0.0,0.0,0.0952687338153893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865681194231586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034071431856549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281384453243658,0.07133189802432946,0.1074170096221909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100234629965236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669530924594476,0.06457511674468111,0.0,0.16001454474658908,0.1762951437349816,0.0,0.09552671239596076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704070239040418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999368281991086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_HyDrAg_,2018/02/07,"How worried should I be? I've been thinking about suicide a lot more these days. It's gotten much worse b recently - multiple times a day - and I really feel like I just want to end it all. But at the same time I want to keep on living and exprerience things in the future etc. 

So a fairly common situation. I'm just worried I won't notice myself slipping closer and closer to actually being able and willing to do it. 

Is it obvious when that is happening?",2.8387087912087914,4.794451703296701,5.184711538461542,78.15091346153848,75.92307692307692,8.066483516483517,25.660714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.173273626373628,359,13,67,8,8,126,68,91,0.139,0.8,0.061,-0.8394,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,2,18,17,8,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,8,10,6,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,10,51,13,0,0.2033931485069643,0.0,0.1984823731283965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26234350898327463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014595929229774,0.0,0.22683712513596266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284168716544312,0.14530410593324802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985988950852028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807851757436585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936761857573632,0.0,0.1795998764668713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291758145280042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951736686823047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156444765589035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302988591127829,0.0,0.20082619661836104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286224207606891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247909242278474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512537019041074,0.1303261169078794,0.0,0.0,0.2372003610775671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399330974483497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131112304943965,0.20727499469140045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmoggyHoggard,2018/02/07,How do you tell a loved one you want to die and you really need help? I want to die more than anything.  I hate myself and have for years.  I know I shouldn't feel like this and it is not a persons normal state but this has been my life for the last 10 years and I really don't see a future.  I don't know how to approach this issue with my family or what would happen after I do.,-0.3904761904761891,1.4686123333333327,1.957142857142859,97.6545238095238,86.38095238095238,5.161904761904762,12.904761904761903,6.42735559955562,-0.9630380952380948,292,3,72,3,9,99,54,84,0.114,0.8009999999999999,0.086,-0.4935,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,0,19,20,8,2,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,2,13,2,8,17,1,7,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,6,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727675826132412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357813845909037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197918304616198,0.0,0.1061549524209208,0.14998538897066446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856544611378632,0.0,0.0,0.2072781055730953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407223076050939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219128968188588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076154610112795,0.17113392511214606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829099411387855,0.10256895926958264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894843666094744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556722205473184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057024008631209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422647715468263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331665707536765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689934319604496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729969611952394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835019655214925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476630561579524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491395398015586,0.0,0.0,0.2703965454061501
suicidewatch,totallynothungry,2018/02/07,"i feel like i'm drowning i feel as if something is consuming from the inside out, something that's just making me feel so numb.

my parents always say to work harder because if i don't work hard, i'll never become happy and i'll be useless without a job.

i hate this, and i hate hiding my problems, but i don't trust anybody with them.

i feel like suicide would bring me somewhere that i belong. somewhere that free me of the mental water.

i just want to fucking grab a shotgun and shoot myself

i don't belong anywhere, but laying on the ground as a corpse, and i hate thinking like that, but it seems like its my only choice, and that it isn't going to matter in the end because we'll all be dead, so nobody would care anyways.

help me, please.",6.197302631578946,5.271660440789475,6.57,81.80000000000003,66.30263157894737,7.863157894736843,31.5,5.148860815047168,1.5763394736842096,585,19,115,1,8,190,89,152,0.194,0.593,0.213,0.322,2,0,2,2,0,2,17.0,1,0,1,2,5,15,4,0,7,0,10,3,0,1,2,29,26,14,3,6,8,1,6,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,7,1,0,6,0,1,2,6,7,0,0,0,7,21,9,12,21,1,8,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,3,6,75,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357873608772305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107018722976484,0.1640262801073986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142383079600874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315427192235849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30038031899085826,0.2122023417444312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730234510857728,0.0,0.0,0.08440610812427846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809999684610304,0.13304280812494182,0.4398918424336978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954837405969501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738103438313352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902332486739985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913680800367757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967104573318388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454611004893993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295450585220157,0.0,0.0,0.164911479669233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630279835659738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211151015309134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810734331998105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520505888231385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286725703420239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245440587542306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951642316667064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759966694252334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316589289726453,0.0,0.21624550517881208,0.0,0.0,0.21100561734561696,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idrathernottellyou,2018/02/07,"It feels inevitable and that frightens me. Hm.  Uh, I'd like to make it clear that I'm not in a suicidal crisis or in a position where self harm is imminent.  I promise.  If you were concerned about that, I'm please to tell you that it's not warranted. It is appreciated, though.

I need to be careful of what I divulge here.  It isn't my intent to tell you my whole life story.

As of this time and date, I am 31 years of age.  I am currently unemployed and I live at home.

As of this post, I'd tell you that the biggest cloud or whatever in my life is trying to land some health insurance. That is such a depressing process that it makes me wonder if the people who set that stuff up would prefer I die.

Why don't I speak about the reasons that I'm staying?  That may lift my mood a little bit.  My nephew and I really enjoy the Marvel movies.  The next movie we're going to see together is Black Panther.  The movie after that is one of the overall bigger reasons I chose to hold on.  Infinity War.  I've had these thoughts in my head for the past 6 years or so, but I always promised myself that I'd at least wait until I could see Infinity War.

There are other reasons I'm sticking around, but my mind is spinning like a tilt-o-whirl right now.

I won't lie.  One of the other reasons I'm staying alive is absolutely sexuality.  Much to my shame, I'm a virgin, but I've had thoughts and urges.  I'm afraid that if I get into specifics, I'll get myself going so to speak and I'll forget what the purpose of my post is.

With all of that aside, every single day, I feel like suicide is inevitable.  That kind of ties into death being inevitable in general, but I don't want to die.  I say that I do, but I really, really, *really* don't.  I've got things to do and experiences to experience, you know?

In closing, I'd like to kindly reiterate that I'm not in a crisis and I'll be here tomorrow.  I promise.",2.1005852945700667,3.6436652360406114,4.160779880018463,86.49722581141363,76.84263959390863,7.21230579910783,24.12213505614521,8.00094639256281,1.2408098138747885,1469,48,318,24,33,504,191,394,0.103,0.777,0.12,0.2344,3,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,0,5,0,0,12,18,2,2,17,1,29,5,1,7,2,54,56,25,7,8,14,1,2,4,0,3,3,3,1,1,33,13,0,2,11,0,0,2,8,6,2,2,6,8,38,11,44,43,7,41,0,1,3,1,14,21,0,9,17,200,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161945716761645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732166588481709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070898187337163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000101737813376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831757358492182,0.0,0.0,0.06326049275417793,0.0,0.08448551786848542,0.0,0.2036056616221496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264578397394566,0.0,0.0,0.19190337530387647,0.0,0.0,0.09919537679389227,0.07007613320540408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024968563106572,0.0,0.11149459761175136,0.0,0.07845222511962907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066952620232553,0.10426600203848167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839313494372988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042930815164397,0.05390817383695451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385689569897831,0.1916889665544892,0.09831281563372007,0.08661603047024964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095282749690182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904381059284813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721080718943534,0.07273313312931165,0.0,0.0,0.10432074722294857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293781680696487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363882938743792,0.06800385465954731,0.0,0.0,0.10767431309817216,0.0,0.0,0.18788786676237612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25135807826089146,0.4034149829066539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376906233213638,0.0,0.07800579253734444,0.0,0.0,0.15633143829481178,0.0,0.10233016450654256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091036203256241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229057183019443,0.21459096996472568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572072173347368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516721175960989,0.0,0.0963737763465238,0.15574637913005188,0.057197571921600215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659725814881698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785653333464585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851174816226905,0.10951494719865904,0.0,0.0,0.10637535828492514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968093578349031,0.0,0.0,0.12633460141819922
suicidewatch,theresfourcherries,2018/02/07,"I feel empty, totally void inside I wish there was someone who could talk to me so it can fill up the emptiness that is constantly huanting me ",4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,5.462857142857144,80.83214285714288,69.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,31.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.7115142857142858,114,5,21,2,2,37,26,28,0.153,0.75,0.097,-0.1868,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959769397016058,0.0,0.3664453380501081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206594457903354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888786338287013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688978077768239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277858490346146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Junoper,2018/02/07,"Accepted into a university today. As the title says, I was accepted into a university. I never thought it'd happen. I didn't have impressive High School grades at all and I had mediocre at best test scores. I'm not intelligent, I'm antisocial, and rather lazy. The fact that I got accepted baffles me.. And terrifies me. Truthfully, I don't want to go to college. I was dragged into it by my family. I have yet to tell them that I don't want to go and I feel as though I can't ever tell them. They wouldn't understand and they'd be so disappointed in me.

 I just feel like it's a waste of time. I won't be alive much longer and I don't want anyone to waste their money and time on me. I mean, there's a lot of other things going on and through my head, I don't see the point in going to college if I won't be around in another month or two. I know I sound so privileged and I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do. I wrote my suicide note yesterday, I didn't plan on receiving news like this today. It makes things worse as now I'll face this new pressure of all of this for my family. I just can't do this.

Writing this now, I realize how pointless and pathetic I sound. Sorry again. I've been a long time lurker here and I decided to make an account, but I now see the mistake in doing so. I'm just very confused about all of this. I'm sorry if this post breaks any rules. Please, let me know and I'll remove it.",0.2443744374437422,2.3034072508250887,2.828532853285328,91.13723672367243,85.4026402640264,6.445004500450046,20.072907290729074,7.686295010490155,0.7050514851485143,1099,33,251,21,33,381,146,303,0.142,0.792,0.066,-0.9174,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,5,3,20,13,0,2,10,0,27,2,2,3,7,59,54,24,1,8,10,0,2,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,18,16,0,0,13,0,2,6,14,4,0,1,9,7,41,9,33,36,6,39,0,1,2,0,11,15,0,5,18,170,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811900900040317,0.1251920521252804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348108236197903,0.0,0.0,0.10628345409900136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529366753794566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799614894599173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510273991735724,0.0,0.1207355261661346,0.08529307602532886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714110141505124,0.0,0.09548802560025832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557721773399137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225297852357331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614332661108266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684279479225408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208556078492758,0.0,0.11665699040231806,0.0,0.0,0.1056574288276704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150210364836608,0.0,0.0,0.15938906672669648,0.0,0.0,0.13005198534156964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529689319539036,0.0,0.08776624760526411,0.0,0.09208183088362464,0.11530873639457642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105565265906005,0.1128632467124078,0.0,0.11434373852383428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494465075294226,0.0,0.12083023848630113,0.1902786104442205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009459218607621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059456250176574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087062907051992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863637711512513,0.0,0.11730121878554492,0.09478325321455362,0.20885385482415755,0.0,0.2263377390878885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662782531457253,0.12429041899475328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851021927654724,0.21126001695082255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166980256211725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DiscombobulatedBlame,2018/02/07,"need everything to end. Anytime something else goes wrong I just think, I just fucking *can't* anymore. I'm too chicken to do anything about it. But I just want everything to go away.
",0.1357857142857135,1.627776114285716,1.2876785714285717,93.62294642857144,116.42857142857142,4.035714285714287,27.232142857142854,5.985473137389443,1.4042142857142863,144,8,27,2,8,45,27,35,0.096,0.8640000000000001,0.04,-0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205655560983834,0.0,0.0,0.2423415116354283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766845718464184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460099608687305,0.0,0.2608321663163541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5293401597554414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722527580877683,0.0,0.0,0.1673663746829452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836180535983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267140372781077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886983395809868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369878798364394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32198035731460983,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freudianlovechild,2018/02/07,"Witnessed an attempt on the way to work today He was standing on an overpass, police cruisers on either side of him. Two groups of officers kept a safe distance from him as they tried to talk him out of it. I was about a half mile away from the scene, so I could only make out shapes/silhouettes, but I could still see all of it unfold. 

Is it strange that I felt nothing about it? Is it weird that I watched in awe while everyone else was freaking out and crying? Should I be worried that at one point I wanted to be in his place? That while everyone expressed their pity for the man, I had nothing but admiration for him? 

He ended up backing out eventually, but the event is lingering in my mind for the rest of the day. I didn't pity him. I didn't sympathize with him. On the contrary - I vouched for him. To have the balls to call it quits in such a spectacular, public manner. Call it attention-seeking, call it cowardly, none of those who criticized him will ever know what it's like to live every single day with the desire to die. To crave death more than life itself. When the dullness of this mundane, burdensome life has finally taken its toll and there's no other way out.

Thoughts?",4.742628205128202,5.720665688034187,5.141100427350427,84.25216346153849,69.47008547008546,8.243162393162393,29.15491452991453,8.472884824447931,1.9993170940170941,937,34,187,14,16,298,143,234,0.203,0.759,0.039,-0.9924,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,3,9,8,0,0,15,0,17,2,0,1,2,27,25,10,2,5,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,20,9,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,10,3,23,3,43,9,6,35,0,3,2,0,22,20,0,0,13,142,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355392692409283,0.11092887722313828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419241054064113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303635678673648,0.0,0.15846546723064808,0.18607462091631596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972159025845982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051271995261675,0.0,0.12777366291558387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049359575469208,0.12154729005227392,0.2756978019353897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385145228821809,0.15803240259469484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928283968622497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037935923360343,0.0704793193835644,0.0,0.12738633808668326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629626909915448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566389469796268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768473181964035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775593261627323,0.1097180523615621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072349843500013,0.0,0.1363745933145855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344081504352516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149584513633447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520813526249428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595264880446934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452822762670965,0.0,0.0,0.13674388261444625,0.0,0.0,0.0979446967972656,0.0,0.1409233980922755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508969847587401,0.22901754910358804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502474195764414,0.14650546512172016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SaveMe116,2018/02/07,I think I’m going to kill myself tonight I’m 19 and live in a small town in Ohio and I’m pretty dead set on killing myself rn. I’m not gonna compare my life to anybody else’s. But life has sucked since I’ve been a toddler. My dad walked out on me when I was 4 years old. 5 years later my mother just couldn’t do it anymore and lost custody of me. I was sent in the system known as children services. I have 4 other siblings who all kinda been through the same thing. I’m the youngest out of all them though. I was sent to a couple of foster homes before I was to be adopted. I got adopted at 13 years old. But I still lived in a foster home. So my lifestyle still felt the same. I didn’t feel free. I felt sheltered and isolated my whole high school career. Which made it hard for me to believe in myself. I was gifted with athleticism and multiple other talents but I never felt good enough. So I didn’t participate. I was raised in a church so I was always perceived as “good” or “kindhearted” and I still am. I went to church camp every year of high school. Where I met the girl I thought I would spend my life with. We dated for awhile. Over 2 years to be exact. She lived 2 hours alway but that didn’t change the fact that she made me feel like I could believe in myself. So my last year of high school I ran track. And went pretty far. And she always found away to be there even when she lived across the state. She came to my graduation also to support me. And it was after that when everything went down hill. She was having health problems but no ever thought it was serious because the doctors kept saying it was something as simple as her gull bladder. It wasn’t a few months until after her pain intensified. Come to find out she had cancer. And it had spreaded a great deal before they knew what it was. She soon went to fight for her life and I was there to witness it all. But her fight was soon to be over a month later. She died and I’ve never felt so devastated in my life.. this happened almost 2 years ago. In the process of that my closest brother went to prison. I found my dad who didn’t want to be found. I lost touch with my oldest brother because he blocked me on everything. I lost touch with all my friends because I was so deep in depression. But no one ever showed me they cared. So I don’t talk about how I’m feeling anymore. Simply because no one actually cares about my well-being. My mom that adopted me never checks up on me and was never there w me through the grieving process. So I’ve been feeling pretty alone for awhile now. I don’t feel love nor do I see support. I forgot what light looks like Bc I’ve been in the dark too long. I refuse to be positive but Bc nothing is good for me anymore. I went from thinking about my future to wondering how much longer do I gotta live. I don’t know how to express this with anyone else Bc I feel ashamed to even mention it. I don’t care if nobody cares how I feel anymore. I just don’t want to live to see another day. I never pictured life like this. And I don’t wanna let anyone down but I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing anyways. So I mine as well go out with a bang. Tonight is the night where all of it goes away. And if I go to hell. Well that’s only for god to tell. ,1.0490264604154724,3.0938649926793573,2.437345470749253,95.21842489443421,82.08931185944363,4.896462749591531,20.733104165340464,5.880035335007223,-0.07605309482886602,2542,74,567,16,69,820,280,683,0.145,0.737,0.118,-0.9657,1,1,1,0,2,3,60.0,1,0,3,3,42,35,6,1,21,0,54,12,1,6,15,104,121,52,5,9,15,6,15,4,1,3,10,1,2,2,29,28,0,4,25,2,3,15,22,15,2,2,57,20,93,21,86,52,12,99,3,5,3,1,42,38,2,6,47,373,122,7,0.0,0.0,0.0508610648315629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046200747674289534,0.0,0.05219010048741948,0.053980031746004166,0.0,0.041679905295927584,0.1301026726850452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465178765264077,0.0,0.0,0.20675395775139715,0.07288626248723654,0.05340253566689045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979358777935111,0.0,0.0,0.1270861317406115,0.0,0.08869962625959749,0.1174415445148092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961076596455255,0.2125570112189763,0.0,0.055135467256182666,0.044896291161676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161313978798335,0.057669180043486326,0.0,0.03361273348416315,0.05373286434256664,0.04489040587179675,0.0,0.054091760449653116,0.0,0.0,0.0533464655154908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870782252253662,0.0,0.0,0.05385332420701147,0.0,0.06884881028537282,0.0942900527517986,0.043912884477531874,0.0,0.09368320186964124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082527927758135,0.07446829091853388,0.20017138149833605,0.0,0.04763623303216751,0.0,0.0,0.17143886013318171,0.0402673577445966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888620535017957,0.13114596548614,0.041684685328530036,0.05746187756928395,0.0,0.0,0.046089057464931235,0.0,0.04668878985321965,0.0,0.0,0.055400538083023976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520118129019346,0.10456011572298324,0.0,0.05132715953847063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532489846463925,0.0,0.02864348665194073,0.04248430800074294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329566877611789,0.2208810531357316,0.10185172236466937,0.0,0.27613457507825473,0.046124073103581735,0.04376721134031394,0.0,0.17068360924310402,0.0,0.04703983846035944,0.0986333674792626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104166986537112,0.08320249540536392,0.0,0.0383137926550802,0.0,0.2009886643236044,0.0,0.0,0.04891057311105873,0.0,0.050010017897744716,0.0,0.10938119057773517,0.0,0.07063497629812418,0.03963919028043302,0.05545876944277935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590726536432957,0.0,0.049871274718061916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144747852292878,0.0,0.15824299762647126,0.08306490736672875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431137475873656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040124098898558974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486798016997327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828906832293652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189163962129183,0.0455546965153053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03462584664481808,0.06679207807546281,0.051207094952388135,0.08275404292477825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148280389948803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058493440195835,0.2898915136044559,0.0,0.058189504577920236,0.0,0.0,0.05652132020545182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037024161865430026,0.0,0.0,0.2349425187580619
suicidewatch,neuroticneutral,2018/02/07,"Attempted Sunday, still here I don't know why I'm still here. Self-sacrifice is the best gift you can give someone, right? Watching someone touch a body that will never connect with yours. Watching them experience a lifetime of happiness together. Watching them welcome a new life into the world that you'll never cradle with your own hands. 

Christ, it really hurts.",5.435282051282054,8.243999323076928,5.155000000000001,77.39916666666667,71.15384615384616,8.025641025641027,30.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.002333333333333,296,13,46,6,6,91,51,65,0.049,0.753,0.198,0.8836,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,2,2,4,4,0,0,5,0,5,3,2,0,2,6,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,4,6,2,9,1,1,3,0,8,3,0,0,6,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403186097733945,0.0,0.0,0.2543644521632613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240033671211708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196751419179302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437719564980653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451464187539416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585096469209714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174761332378246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532337749893011,0.2211670850538324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467015777976498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556250111045065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889419736606185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880574536804071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657551878955129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663450642005315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Runechi,2018/02/07,"Please help me https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/7vvkkk/everyone_hates_me_im_tired_of_living/

Please, someone.",72.63,92.945102,22.149999999999995,-53.05499999999998,-54.33333333333334,9.066666666666668,39.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,5.496533333333336,116,2,4,1,1,18,5,6,0.0,0.29100000000000004,0.7090000000000001,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739379688389497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8972432770261435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34628383020259224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaytoday091317,2018/02/07,"It's like the world has moved on without me I am posting here because I feel like everyone in my life must be tired of listening to my whining.

I got laid off from my job in August 2017 because my MS got worse and I can't find a new one.  I did everything I was supposed to do at that place and I worked there for eight and a half years, then, boom, I was canned.

I did an MS 'wonder drug' last year and my doctor says my brain is going really well, I feel like I'm back to normal.  I can walk OK again, which is a big deal for me.

I think they might be giving me negative references because I can't get a new job, not even entry level stuff.  I don't think I'm better than anyone, I just want somewhere to go every day, instead of waking up, sitting on the sofa and looking for jobs online.

I had to go to my high school to get a copy of my diploma yesterday because a state job wants a copy of it.  It was great, going back there, I remembered how much I'd enjoyed it.  (Or maybe I'm just remembering the good parts, if so, I don't think that's bad).  I think I had the best times of my life there.  I did everything I was ""supposed"" to do there, too, I wasn't a snob or anything but I got good grades and did extra curriculars because I was ""supposed"" to.  

I had to work full time in college so I could keep health insurance, it took me 7 years to get through, paying my own way because my parents aren't financially responsible.  I married my first serious boyfriend because I didn't think anyone else would want me, since I had MS.  I left him when I was 25 and lost pretty much everything I had.  

That was 13 years ago and I had managed to crawl back to having a life again, I'm dating the world's best guy and he wants to marry me.  But then, no, screw you, your MS got worse and you're out on your butt.  My fiance is super supportive but he doesn't understand why I'm heartbroken.  I'm living off of him at the moment so I don't want to whine too much to him, I'm afraid of being a burden.

38 years of working my ass off and here I am, I wish I had to guts to kill myself.",2.2296155687803534,3.152022758465012,4.002565154935361,90.27621109515016,75.36568848758466,7.085272590464465,23.582255968260483,7.463857097105799,0.7857861550037621,1594,45,370,19,33,539,209,443,0.105,0.7709999999999999,0.124,0.4537,5,0,1,0,0,1,50.0,0,3,1,9,23,24,3,1,17,1,45,13,5,1,1,48,85,24,1,11,10,1,2,3,0,3,7,3,1,1,10,12,0,1,13,0,1,7,13,10,1,4,26,6,66,14,46,52,9,57,0,3,1,3,15,21,3,5,28,242,76,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466740592176949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201924773190904,0.07474778277548046,0.06003314974226885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828638944048827,0.060911740540831386,0.31129535870096625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311691398978292,0.06451997553227888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814383818552383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824610937728158,0.0,0.0,0.047047902680809967,0.0752101453915175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466930111829563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460097558650623,0.0,0.060941902686238475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818400335578085,0.0,0.06146507294046714,0.06970861093734508,0.19669323382162104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377328614749211,0.10423362044006801,0.0,0.0,0.06667666159414706,0.062052799202884285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434297878926065,0.0699820539126323,0.16584085104292234,0.12237708712542683,0.2333850080405855,0.08042966291361102,0.0,0.07223379266247193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754439624562749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707762599113285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895737845618623,0.06484294875436031,0.08071040402285393,0.0,0.0,0.059465487661759374,0.0,0.0,0.07926238935949234,0.0,0.15458412950647066,0.10692175460700586,0.0,0.06441781267809114,0.0,0.06126117355851812,0.0,0.07963555280483693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732899302875266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739037546038903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753626245919326,0.16088399258140462,0.0,0.0,0.14091468643019658,0.0,0.0,0.07147731563162765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943405588095393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810043868354432,0.07899973535459519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621914747062969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986769850727616,0.07421824957411965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673481777168429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528043085674415,0.0,0.0,0.0580142325178783,0.0,0.07383115841855609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034651724029171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351240506406868,0.0,0.0827848853364351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337229721754116,0.0,0.0,0.08507761100764905,0.08384741027705411,0.0,0.0,0.08105218027100365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759454398970727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514443148229226,0.0579057762383889,0.0,0.0,0.06559246676806499,0.0,0.06582769011662135,0.0,0.0838910175641202,0.0703229720159698,0.07911316030485585,0.15932942862495936,0.0,0.14868831809409286,0.05182289518655241,0.0,0.0,0.2348929708720064
suicidewatch,sucrebella,2018/02/07,"I can't take care of myself anymore. I feel like a burden and I want to give up. I'm in my early 20s. I'm married to my best friend of several years. I dropped out of high school when I was 16 and I never had the confidence or motivation to get my GED. I've applied to jobs last year and the start of this year, but I never get a response. The only interview I managed to get, I messed up because of my social anxiety.

I've been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist since I was 14. I only just stopped self-harming because of my meds. I'm on a bunch of different meds, most for my mental health, like an antipsychotic, mood stabilizer, and antidepressant; the rest of my meds are for my physical health, which is deteriorating. I have such a lack of energy, I spend most of the day sleeping, unless I take my prescribed stimulant, Adderall. 

I don't take care of myself. I can go weeks without showering, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, or changing my clothes. I have some teeth rotting, and one of them fell out already. I don't have dental insurance so I can't see a dentist right now, even if I could manage to get myself to leave the house. I don't leave the house at all actually, only maybe once a month to pick up my meds if someone else can't do it. (I get terribly sick physically and mentally if I miss a day of meds)

I would say my life has been like this since I dropped out of high school. I dropped out of high school because of my social anxiety and depression. I don't even know how I managed to get married / find someone to love me or be intimate with me. I used to be able to shower and put on makeup every now and then when I was younger, but I can't do that anymore. I just look and smell like a dirty homeless woman. Actually, if it weren't for my family and husband to take care of me and let me live with them, I would probably be homeless and dead within a month.

I am nothing but a burden to everyone, especially my husband. He makes comments about how I don't do anything with my life, etc. I know he's right. I know I need to just get off my ass and get my life together, but it's not that easy. My social worker has suggested going on disability for my diagnosis of bipolar disorder, but I don't think they'd take me seriously. 

I just feel hopeless and like everybody in my life would be better off without me. I contribute nothing. Last night, I thought about killing myself and getting it over with. I honestly feel like it would improve everyone's life. I'm going nowhere and I feel like I'm getting worse and worse. My husband deserves someone better than me.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to better my life, but in very small baby steps? I want to learn how to take care of myself, too.",3.41389767522254,4.769677903811257,4.967081928960333,82.81753327283728,73.04718693284939,8.15143029988765,29.09000950652493,8.704169506293173,2.2071436003802614,2139,88,436,40,42,721,231,551,0.161,0.738,0.101,-0.9889,4,0,0,0,0,2,66.0,0,0,3,6,19,28,1,0,19,0,41,17,5,9,3,84,90,41,2,13,21,3,5,7,1,4,11,1,2,1,10,27,0,1,12,0,1,6,16,9,0,1,8,12,85,18,70,71,9,55,0,3,3,2,20,25,1,10,28,287,95,11,0.05733504247703921,0.0,0.11190146155656272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327064509956137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038989794986768835,0.0,0.08772230112404522,0.0,0.1137219115034512,0.04008999480608403,0.0,0.0471818546963792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048527291881364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016958978863415,0.15212455736440625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338275879424529,0.0,0.06065287258537778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457773660230483,0.0,0.0,0.07395271837594146,0.0,0.04938258807161314,0.0,0.0,0.059902916246773574,0.06571092595381665,0.0,0.05017428204569005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789607091760626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394372819591095,0.07573850963284072,0.0,0.048307246127010685,0.10957218025215493,0.0,0.0,0.05405037535924565,0.0,0.11596128080664747,0.12288049740503995,0.0,0.0,0.05240319011214019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429691159203824,0.0,0.2995519327764313,0.055000997169654814,0.0977544777788213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188893809126912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817328608677821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231388213669212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056896182716274564,0.0,0.0634327296075742,0.0,0.09452951971344628,0.09347142404993604,0.0,0.12141906291317787,0.0,0.05862896550074838,0.2429846166010917,0.196077039545946,0.0,0.05062789293389827,0.0,0.048146995481274095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174711434504075,0.0,0.038271586067324934,0.0,0.057600756521677614,0.0,0.31843153465946217,0.0,0.11556047494189205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152856779392084,0.0,0.0,0.04251320750703928,0.08844063870308704,0.0,0.0,0.053805053382406785,0.0,0.11002903918273174,0.0,0.0,0.061059949024687324,0.038851708625003915,0.13081765025925568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061816873116900366,0.0,0.0,0.05763755373441722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792762600408346,0.0,0.04559512703784118,0.0,0.17407837187577896,0.0913772113224533,0.0,0.05981295361168613,0.06477227822805072,0.0,0.0948562792419753,0.0,0.05737644915902219,0.17533756629955796,0.14573938629464994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040582038167092466,0.0,0.0,0.04793466280406069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586528990519432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657040341385538,0.0,0.03673798013173973,0.0,0.045517619340376764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951906796722479,0.0,0.04730741465495962,0.06763538710537087,0.0,0.045990712678631834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053786988420744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685861310763475,0.162916676611824,0.0,0.0,0.11076566265601692
suicidewatch,Comrade-Chernov,2018/02/07,"It's below freezing outside tonight, and I can't think of a reason why I shouldn't lie on the grass and sleep forever. I'm alive, but have no reason to be. 

The last two years have seen me steadily losing all the people I thought I could trust, friends or family. Either because information has come out about them that's made me consciously distance myself from them because of moral convictions, or because they've grown bored with me, or because they were never truly my friends to begin with. 

Month after month my friends list shrinks, my incoming texts, calls, messages, all have turned from a stream to a trickle to a drip-feed. I'm more alone now than any other time I can remember in my life. I reach out to people and they don't respond. I'm incapable of doing anything but driving people away, be they people I adore or people I've newly met. 

The title of this post isn't 100% accurate. There's one reason I can think of living for, that being my mom. She and I are all that each other have got, I'm her only kid and she's the only member of my family that I give a damn about anymore. Parent-child dynamics have pretty much given way to us being a team in stuff. We're equals, we work on things together, we help each other out. God bless her, she believes in me even when I don't. 

But her belief is misplaced. I'm a failure at every independent venture I've tried. Last summer I tried getting my first apartment, that set us back enough that we're still scratching back from it. She's nothing but supportive of me, but I can see the regret and discomfort in her eyes when she reassures me. I know my mistakes have put a huge burden on her and it fucking guts me. She's made so many sacrifices for me, tightened her belt to make ends meet for my entire life, and now my stupid choices have made the belt draw tight enough to break skin and draw blood, metaphorically speaking. 

I can't do anything right. No matter how big or small a decision I make or action I take, all I do is disappoint, hurt, and infuriate those who I just wish would love, respect, and admire me. I have nobody left who I'm truly friends with, in the sense of being comfortable enough to talk to about this. I have associates and acquaintances, sure, but they don't give a damn about this. They don't wanna hear it. They don't know me well enough and they don't give a damn to. I know this for a fact, because a few of the people I drove off were acquaintances who I tried to become closer to. They made it explicitly clear that they didn't give a shit about me.

And now I'm back to the grind of college. After this year I'll be three quarters of the way through, and I've barely met anyone, much less done anything truly fun and exciting. No life changing experiences, moments, or opportunities have come to me, and I doubt they ever will. I'm maintaining a solid B average, because despite the fact that I can't find it in me to give a shit about school work, apparently I can't even *fail a class* correctly. Last semester I skipped a midterm unintentionally, retook it a week later with no study opportunity, and got a B- on it. What a goddamn joke. The world is completely content to just let me coast on with no motivation and no punishment, no good and no bad, just an endless tedium of middle-of-the-road that makes me feel like I don't even fucking exist. I would have preferred the bad grade, honestly, because this confirms the feeling I have that nothing I do one way or the other even matters. 

I've been suicidal before, going back all the way when I was 9 years old (yes, you read that correctly - fourth grade), with sporadic suicidal episodes since then. I'm diagnosed autistic in addition to depression and anxiety, and between the three it's near impossible to make friends in the first place, much less maintain them. There's an endless array of things I hate about myself and not a single thing I admire. That part's fine, I've been living with that for over a decade now. But it's pretty abundantly clear that fewer and fewer people are seeing anything to admire in me, too. 

I can't stand most things people around me adore, be it something as simple as food to something as complex as politicians or activities. My interests are beyond niche, and I have nobody to discuss them with. I've tried being social, drinking more, going to clubs, watching sports, but it all is just fleeting or pointless or makes me feel self conscious and dumb. I get the feeling that people think I'm uninteresting at best and a killjoy at worst, which leads to me being quiet and reserved nine times out of ten, because I don't wanna rain on anyone's parade. But then people just think I'm bored with what they're doing, and so stop inviting me along to stuff for that reason, too. 

I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't see how any of this is gonna change. I can see the iceberg, but no matter how much or little I try to reverse the engines, the inertia of life events and people's opinions and biases toward me is gonna carry my ship into the iceberg either way. I'm just trying to find a reason to decide if I should make for a lifeboat or not. 

So, like the title says, and to wrap this text wall of a post up: Tonight it's cold as all hell. Everyone is out getting drunk, I'm here by myself in my pajamas with nothing to do, no-one to talk to, nobody who cares if I lived or died, and no reason that I can see to stick it out for in hopes of my lot getting better. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't go out into the woods like an old dog and lie down and wait for the numbness of a wintery eternal sleep to take me. I don't have anything to gain, and I don't have anything to lose, but fuck, I wanna do something that has meaning and control behind it for once, even if it means that I'm not around to see its impact. ",6.368984535731316,5.760258316738199,6.703621500102187,79.93731521220793,65.83261802575106,9.353906941889774,31.453436882621432,8.563005593585519,2.2708043463451197,4589,151,917,57,63,1489,446,1165,0.14800000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.15,-0.1036,3,1,4,0,0,0,139.0,4,1,14,16,46,66,13,2,61,1,82,21,8,24,17,194,166,81,3,17,39,1,8,3,5,8,6,4,0,2,62,66,3,4,33,7,0,11,36,30,1,10,19,25,121,36,144,128,31,117,5,7,11,4,66,52,10,22,47,628,183,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292802772919114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455897144153099,0.0,0.03170790184991877,0.0,0.04110566141029084,0.05796335044506167,0.0,0.2046509403387979,0.07379570223753862,0.0,0.0,0.03894212305565874,0.12748500154802592,0.06921534203947248,0.2021324112229872,0.04577648591589275,0.035269523678288256,0.04669813740767169,0.04349752395733568,0.03665772916020602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232343632557055,0.0,0.04225939192930196,0.0,0.08769379308156945,0.07140822891675806,0.043457844144983326,0.0,0.04648788934019876,0.03309316354467485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03569943413717582,0.04206923932045587,0.043016880824182965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241608946247587,0.0,0.040603638726351365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734219349476677,0.17130905040928135,0.0,0.1368813402592657,0.03749243811268908,0.0349220528692964,0.039605709065976685,0.0,0.040544474841397365,0.07814769904035081,0.0,0.08383019740917827,0.029610735248714763,0.0,0.0,0.07576614782819102,0.07051195193569029,0.050119552890409716,0.0,0.1601146010783201,0.11495509493295518,0.08662028388879134,0.19880534340258466,0.07066821884706155,0.034764939681467225,0.06630012135175177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092170010093806,0.0,0.0,0.04671534341240456,0.0,0.02778197944932913,0.0,0.0,0.04116759957409708,0.0,0.0,0.04437135448169999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833684694968241,0.10135789992637748,0.0,0.0,0.04503379267832218,0.04238378291128615,0.11710488325855825,0.06074876329977419,0.04154217166567766,0.10979905265455138,0.0,0.0,0.0927402837216612,0.0,0.035237935579047884,0.03740878662881597,0.15687786009820984,0.1660027170898041,0.04202215783468731,0.0,0.0902988867554822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854384875034379,0.06616741254813646,0.0,0.12187733132480146,0.0,0.03196755050436021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931253274284975,0.0,0.08698621750107692,0.04414117837374279,0.056172998108714366,0.0630467305957846,0.0,0.0,0.04602352758048781,0.0448845629352088,0.0,0.31608601224399624,0.0,0.04330474154321893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939219281462112,0.08433581907579993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166707606304169,0.0,0.0,0.041459602533849615,0.0,0.0,0.29831090827457235,0.0,0.0,0.04695294147157194,0.035396695184070015,0.0,0.03296142017310038,0.0,0.041947979467810884,0.2642319784871621,0.0,0.043239706167562765,0.0,0.08509234522390567,0.0342865332248861,0.0,0.08295663908125417,0.04225140982084954,0.0,0.09572697761077087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03310073461020455,0.034652706641857385,0.0,0.0,0.09489697108841788,0.090675613903599,0.04703513726076211,0.039064613294761186,0.0,0.06232805593140042,0.06662928527889267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014586370824073,0.1062338085759282,0.0,0.032905388663841635,0.048337774405315344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884440015159313,0.045083941777336864,0.040489050447630924,0.0,0.09971460993441784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449899776359847,0.03324739513068136,0.0,0.03726707677579018,0.0,0.07480144298349349,0.0,0.047663598373515775,0.0,0.0,0.060349837329186015,0.0,0.0,0.05888748842119359,0.0,0.0,0.08007420495893708
suicidewatch,UmbralApocrypha,2018/02/07,"Two full months of job search, still unemployed But yeah, life is just SOOOOOOOO worth living! /S",3.0139215686274485,5.956051176470593,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,96.05882352941177,4.619607843137255,17.43137254901961,6.42735559955562,-0.14870980392156818,78,2,15,1,3,20,17,17,0.0,0.774,0.226,0.5255,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681870908078583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33324514734971666,0.0,0.0,0.4166066118118231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765849643634187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767787943806466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608784606421544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jamess0192,2018/02/07,"It's my birthday and all I want is to not wake up. I hate my birthday. It's the biggest reminder that I matter to no one. I am so completely and utterly lonely. No friends, my family are awful, nothing.

Up until recently I thought I thought I had a friend. They meant quite a lot to me, chatting with and messaging them made things seem just that little less awful but recently any attempts at conversation with them has been a one way thing, an uphill struggle. Like they don't actually care anymore, they just don't want to say so. part of me wants to tell them this, to say that at this point it'd be less upsetting to cut ties and stop talking to them rather than carry on with what has become of our 'friendship' (the odd message that feels like awkward smalltalk with someone you don't know despite having known them knowing me for a couple of year)

But then I would even be able to pretend there's someone who cares even a little bit even if they actually don't. That would be it, the point where I could quite literally not go on.",5.901877022653721,5.880897262135919,6.1127669902912665,81.81277508090619,66.66990291262135,9.002588996763754,32.70064724919093,8.59863814320734,2.424101618122977,820,32,165,11,12,262,121,206,0.145,0.759,0.096,-0.8606,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,9,3,10,12,2,3,9,2,19,1,1,1,1,35,34,11,0,8,8,0,1,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,15,8,0,1,8,2,0,1,8,6,0,2,6,3,26,6,25,21,6,20,0,1,0,0,22,12,0,3,8,122,41,0,0.12065409524890765,0.0,0.23548198480090685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204892217447812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196564417643892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332529688915824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317230228751096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460297825603697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265035233282555,0.0,0.0,0.0963324773431684,0.13350146151534775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907267598809065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374194306117832,0.0,0.06100633580778101,0.08619530975364778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864341093877644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857050280467034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912093996380364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261667074322672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789099292972005,0.24185420081507206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257579714934477,0.0,0.11416582221849372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157708584502705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351667498637554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065662749881718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811423772052544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666096380671183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382627264795787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189795848543406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098389568636988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044596467341228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087222616084246,0.0,0.12613385716680806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697719146517304,0.1054569972920621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031443935231166,0.0,0.0,0.19157174886882336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134947342528654,0.09576960482271993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714184150594316,0.0,0.0,0.07769728154039716
suicidewatch,angry-deer,2018/02/07,"I have nothing to live for. I've posted here once on this subreddit, but now the suicidal thoughts are back and I'm ready to end it all. I'm sick of living for no real reason. I have a family who I can't even talk to, because they have no idea how mental illness works. My dad has just yelled at me for twenty minutes while I was trying to sleep  telling me that I'd be a coward for killing myself, and that I'm a 'dead duck', and a bunch of other things that make me consider running away, if only we weren't on holiday in the middle of the countryside right now. 

I've given up. I'm tired. I can't go to anyone in the real world for support. I'm dreading these next few days and weeks with him because he has no respect for my privacy or problems. 

I got a 2.2 in my degree, meaning that I can't do the Masters I wanted to do and there's nowhere for me to go. I'm trapped. If suicide is the only way out, then so be it. ",2.4804571428571442,3.060355959999999,4.436428571428571,88.7,74.4,7.114285714285713,26.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.0985214285714289,712,24,162,7,14,245,121,200,0.28,0.6729999999999999,0.048,-0.9957,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,1,2,9,5,1,1,11,0,16,4,1,3,1,24,31,13,4,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,4,1,0,3,7,3,0,0,5,1,19,2,27,24,3,26,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,3,9,110,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545698457803912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170053452686796,0.11597141761951815,0.0,0.18387717764234685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972665464163665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358192378483624,0.0,0.0,0.09961531400724984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421798538081169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714291808620365,0.0,0.1206246847573231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702576382051767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686019592483695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663539843381807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006736489042019,0.0,0.0,0.16428740289974542,0.0,0.0,0.15199127965375225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039898458237706,0.0,0.0,0.1447160413010192,0.0,0.0,0.16061858161316345,0.0,0.2294111035709426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444440528192676,0.0,0.0,0.1443145544676758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34333279313326065,0.0,0.15506827583696098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287996193966751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092911194858502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299456205900105,0.17114896591201922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122355688810248,0.13182349496142884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100198233549527,0.0,0.0,0.1197343852007359,0.0,0.17334562347944402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239700987006367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895765651007717,0.1197140478392526,0.12097886021545373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097988956063419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lightfade1,2018/02/07,"I lost £150 I know it's not a lot but as a teenager with a unemployed mother and a father who dosen't give us any money and lives in a different flat, it is a lot. I lost it because of a few things that happened online. I did not get scammed but I feel like I wanna die because I can't get it off my mind at school and other kids at school are really annoying me a lot and being mean to me mentally and physically.",0.9754120879120868,2.468356802197804,3.7583379120879137,88.37728708791211,79.87912087912088,7.187362637362638,23.46291208791209,8.07648339933343,1.2114054945054944,323,11,74,6,8,115,61,91,0.16399999999999998,0.7979999999999999,0.038,-0.8931,3,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,18,14,8,1,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,11,1,9,10,4,4,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,3,1,54,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243912404250288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301153502838314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898411158644128,0.19111149621436604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248937809052944,0.13067742043308594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911353291414836,0.1754726400810409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617547298432898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005275373374673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936501819171795,0.0,0.16152089038401632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993555465640739,0.4665337571842742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925249221391653,0.0,0.0,0.18433939992510173,0.0,0.1846961167249228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718264040009127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702477296284975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152330244308865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002911944387926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,universal-cat,2018/02/07,"Why can't people just let me kill myself? I can't even look up suicide memes at school to cheer me up about it. My mom asks me everyday if I wanna kill myself. I can't find where a damn exit bag is and now nobody is answering my question about what a peaceful death would be. I'm disabled. I'm a runt of my species and a burden on the future of humanity. Why can't anybody get that? Now I can't even leave the house to go find a rope. Just let me die you guys. I'm getting more upset. PLEASE, for the love of all things good, tell me a good, quick, painless, and peaceful way of dying if you're reading this.",1.4589729354614818,2.8553008931297725,3.196530187369884,93.35643303261624,78.23664122137404,5.6796668979875085,21.832755031228317,6.11248444174946,0.12558931297709908,471,13,109,3,11,157,81,131,0.182,0.627,0.191,-0.4999,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,0,10,9,3,1,9,0,11,1,0,0,1,14,20,5,6,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,15,4,14,16,2,13,0,0,1,1,8,6,1,3,5,69,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484117788305428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32159140319554635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046631993852864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28321139664188955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189190212818086,0.0,0.08805183463224804,0.2599004279242491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534077502950082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787715560581953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428201967575735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405137889985116,0.0,0.31685840437583185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301044631556066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983282787254736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145532796695915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074108395043309,0.0,0.0,0.17006960003704932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356010329577906,0.0,0.15497464599170604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568001830886758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947124798552762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354180253399226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293041414047982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229783808158328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27960536130492697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100597583390266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WreckDotNet,2018/02/07,"I walk past the train tracks everyday. I'm fine with killing myself, but I have a bf who is going to devastated. For his sake, I can't do this but sometimes, I can't help it. The uge to jump is too strong.

I live at home and can't have any family member know about this unless I wane to feel even more unsafe. 

What to do. I don't want to hurt my bf. 
He lives across the worls, so having him by my side isn't an option. ",0.5889516129032266,1.8857990107526919,2.6469758064516142,96.79046370967743,80.39784946236558,5.940322580645162,15.926075268817206,6.6274283507984215,-0.6324827956989254,320,4,82,3,8,108,65,93,0.132,0.7659999999999999,0.101,-0.4416,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,0,0,9,17,5,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,1,12,2,12,17,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754924674497468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187181585119994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27385655508385104,0.0,0.14688499697619298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165097247093398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947153218542023,0.0,0.29139413137604603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31098513281852364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32139404572930835,0.0,0.15965062499809368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130317877675856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773141171691169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873108882967249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134380650763809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeytonSparkles,2018/02/07,"Don’t think I can keep on taking it anymore I vomit all the time. All the time. Every morning I wake up feeling weak and all swirly inside and within two hours I’m puking my guts out. Then it lasts until I exhaust myself to sleep. This has been going on for so long now. I go to the doctors. I keep saying it’s happening way too frequently for it to be just a flu bug it happens everyday then they tell me it might be stress induced. Well what the fuck do I do with that haha. When I’m stressed I throw up. When I’m not stressed I throw up. My heart is always shaky and racing. Keep having to stay home from work I’ll probably get fired soon for it, keep having to stay home from school I’ll probably fail most my classes this term, I don’t see any quality of life. I can’t afford another ER visit. I can’t afford another doctor appointment. I don’t have parents, grandparents, siblings, I don’t have a single relative.  This isn’t going to stop anytime soon and quite honestly it’s no quality of life. I don’t see myself living another week of this nightmare. If there was a gun on my bed right now I would not hesitate to fucking end it already but most any other way of death is too painful and I’m a goddamn wuss. I can’t afford to fix this and I can’t live like this anymore. ",0.8707642820380848,3.0689683358208977,2.9402573340195595,90.44231343283585,83.92537313432835,5.935357694287185,21.92794647452393,7.237678284180719,0.8119123520329383,1006,34,212,15,29,339,143,268,0.153,0.8009999999999999,0.045,-0.9738,5,0,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,3,12,14,2,4,8,1,26,15,4,1,3,29,47,14,1,2,5,1,2,1,0,2,9,1,3,0,18,8,0,5,3,0,0,6,13,10,2,1,2,5,26,4,27,41,7,39,0,1,2,2,5,9,2,5,21,137,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012706211335734,0.0,0.08303803615926242,0.0,0.0,0.13572902781497725,0.3139335513290317,0.0,0.0,0.19794108297904991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429030277500326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838938980264342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408220093825829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045971616870186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845190759967683,0.0521391464479868,0.0,0.170148627839448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649805686547745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825841247280976,0.0,0.0,0.2002064944024727,0.0,0.09827868502038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548120964160608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134683395414465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097734119253905,0.0487551494718798,0.0,0.1762429038308785,0.08831607463113862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586749171273706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061896855913028,0.0,0.11081134057019756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519333696332452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614503570644143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522500232607941,0.0,0.07936156458435674,0.0,0.10099859970338193,0.1590485415664421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986779446355497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273792534509856,0.0,0.08343369313998393,0.3429469912042378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503396410470813,0.0,0.08722586073891539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639450698427514,0.0,0.0,0.1163833774511381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974859206667701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584263999126081,0.08005010955439698,0.0,0.0897283401285516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265247504056678,0.0,0.0,0.07089201847199307,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onelastcry,2018/02/07,"Please help. I'm fading away. I haven't been sober a single day since last summer.  I have 6+ drinks every night and a few more before I go into work. I thought I'd be dead by now,  but here i still am.  My liver is probably gone by now.  I have chest pains and crippling anxiety attacks periodically. 

I need help but i'm scared of hospitals. i've been there once on an ER visit after overdosing on coke and people were really rude. I was also in php for 2 weeks. Not a good time.

i'm headed to work for 8 hours to fake a smile. I just want out. I don't want to be alive.",-0.6977150537634422,1.3418225080645172,2.193677419354838,94.05884946236559,90.04838709677419,5.242150537634409,14.718279569892475,6.742157984588678,-0.4623294623655912,437,8,104,6,15,153,88,124,0.215,0.657,0.128,-0.9349,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,2,1,5,0,12,6,3,0,0,13,21,6,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,3,3,5,1,0,6,0,11,1,15,13,3,22,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,13,59,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645141895692175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966232505588214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256615672703509,0.18380808376121213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664732955933391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617014869110027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165049161177375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483322210601362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118542827031656,0.16409164276409585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007807485623984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622636880057068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926637520840681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947085826916615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506289505765474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359275317185206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834779347400095,0.0,0.0,0.20817233415775932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563056625726966,0.0,0.0,0.2147514744565636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109305579040226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533053699139662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586749319940444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183354877375314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623654085562316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531450165349314,0.11407793142176545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307843994181271,0.0,0.15692878326864554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848531894094212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopelessautist,2018/02/07,"Slicing wide open my femoral and carotid arteries in six hours, wonder if anyone cares. Probably not. I'm done with all of the bullshit.  I've been so stupid to think that I could have a happy and normal life with Asperger's Syndrome.  No one wants to be your friend, no one wants to be in a relationship with you, no one wants to fuck you, all because of how you act.  I can't change it.  There will be no hope for me.  There are no ""how to"" guides that aren't scams.  There are no ""free pdf"" self help guides.  I'm done waiting.  Not even my ""friends"" care.  I've tried dating in college, they all make up bullshit excuses.  I've burned so many bridges.  I've tried online dating, no one I've matched with is within 50 miles.  I can't drive anywhere (parents don't trust me because I had an accident).  I don't go out with friends or do any activities.  I enjoy nothing anymore.  No stupid ""hobbies"" or any of those crap suggestions please.  Not even the drugs I abuse can take away the pain anymore.  Don't even try to tell me that there's more to life than this, I'll never be happy without it.  If I can never have it, I will never feel happy, and will never be okay with myself.  I don't even know why I'm posting this here.  There's really nothing that will change my situation.  
  
The world would be better without a whiny bitch like me, so in six hours, if I don't see a reason not to, I'm walking into the woods somewhere, drinking a bunch of alcohol so I bleed out faster, and cutting my femoral and carotid arteries with my Spyderco.  Maybe it'll do some wild animals some good.  At least I'll be liquid for the centipedes as they eat away my memories.  
  
  
Edit 1: I'll be here another 24 hours",2.4940078644888075,4.195376815789476,3.5350413389796347,90.72289473684212,76.16374269005848,6.588586408550111,25.24339584593668,7.372421405659032,1.0502571889493852,1309,46,282,16,29,421,168,342,0.15,0.715,0.135,-0.375,1,0,3,0,1,0,51.0,0,4,2,1,17,23,6,0,12,1,36,10,1,4,7,52,56,17,0,10,11,1,1,1,3,6,6,0,0,1,11,16,3,1,5,1,1,4,26,7,0,6,4,2,29,17,37,37,8,31,0,0,1,1,16,16,3,9,11,181,40,2,0.0,0.10798208538500624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739741465867877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395216089276465,0.0955647751268508,0.0,0.0,0.18076623224733585,0.0637248988880313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712518572617156,0.0,0.0,0.11111217146934473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806030040107175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583987689372,0.0,0.19282108623198327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276523819196022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865289698727034,0.0,0.08927926879504038,0.1056896367094596,0.09325559525216463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077972030819544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046081453303211534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123596243217596,0.08425440955384157,0.0,0.0,0.05179508621739142,0.07644113906596134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910501319012173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061087008177550785,0.0,0.0,0.09051930573988426,0.2692538709092123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008634627177474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287450912972909,0.044524787578434095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083445418792496,0.09239830818994653,0.09155906362604384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811609622903635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929461474530591,0.17489624108414056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470263431792612,0.0,0.09697587321930873,0.0,0.10119651880085466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004072752903354,0.0,0.0,0.08728376501296348,0.0,0.09826077573726487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838450298863852,0.09370370524049199,0.0,0.09784670763560553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262414949614697,0.0,0.09507545310334546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024414680148395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852345545277985,0.0,0.07965749183040179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839671670125361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856275085007143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612643588028798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822366953290581,0.0,0.0,0.1757050509919369,0.09883386229994133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474089604201592,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aomines,2018/02/07,"I'm not sure what to do I have bipolar 1. I get mixed episodes pretty frequently. Finally found the right meds, and life has been absolutely amazing for the past week and a half.

Depressive episode decided to hit me today and I don't want to get out of bed. It's been a while since I've experienced this, but I know the feeling well. It consumes you. There's no logic to it.

No matter what I do, I can't get away from my mental illness. It's going to follow me everywhere I go. Even on good days I feel it in the background, staring me down from a locked cage. And honestly, when it finds a way to escape, there's nothing I want more in the world than to die. Death is probably the only way to permanently get away from this.

I just want an escape. To rest. I'm so tired. Bipolar can go fuck itself.",0.8010508701472538,2.987246789156629,2.8632931726907636,90.95998661311917,84.12048192771084,6.098527443105756,21.87282463186077,7.3871296695380915,0.7943651941097722,621,21,136,10,18,209,103,166,0.203,0.674,0.122,-0.9487,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,1,0,11,0,10,6,0,0,1,20,29,8,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,2,1,1,3,4,15,5,22,25,2,23,0,1,1,1,1,9,1,0,8,88,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30253496732051144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383352306929672,0.0,0.1386715244648407,0.0,0.16709554607197288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634086832640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281576377724252,0.0,0.0,0.17637075964155632,0.14715369411447632,0.0,0.0,0.17653132204595182,0.0,0.1488445465559273,0.33646938969061835,0.0,0.2745049011444153,0.1350415573824744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848295939575017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372107903266998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883787818034433,0.0,0.16225301117100527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448658317324887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244992750651493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369544447217964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163797786728131,0.17358831052635393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749555982683667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318322673238595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174328694954964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504909917811035,0.15261188248146856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848909687784119,0.2555931469968249,0.12914678001731594,0.0,0.14476090374400305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,droppidrop,2018/02/07,"lost someone very special to me last week i was helping people out on this forum because i could relate to them very much. Now just today I lost my bf in a discussion. He was very special to me, you wouldnt know how much. I have no friends in real life, no one cares about me, so he was the only person i could got to with my problems. Now that he is gone i have finally realized how a pathetic, lonely piece of shit i am.
if i had the tools to kill myself quickly i would be already gone. When i first visited this subreddit i though i could help people, but now ive ended up needing help...",2.9413821138211347,3.928352406504069,4.609918699186991,86.35357723577236,73.71544715447155,7.417886178861789,26.67479674796748,7.793537801064563,1.462343089430894,458,16,97,6,9,155,80,123,0.145,0.76,0.095,-0.6258,0,4,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,3,11,10,2,0,4,0,15,2,1,2,0,17,23,7,1,8,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,9,0,21,4,13,8,3,19,0,3,0,0,13,5,1,1,11,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757483242882326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256888138123603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548254281469469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637295508023074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344977056540163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634880055071125,0.0,0.1291670638113287,0.0,0.0,0.11732214086752947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145163720827185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053539106910036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800411972669754,0.0,0.0834550704128863,0.12378140129126088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725907816501798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33153348963876195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232605480379114,0.11259792930502747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290030316845357,0.1154919251333251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105530970544494,0.13259318792547262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530391476954702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728432696724288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587610445696048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866552990029395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919593298190034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393997991601765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375886735672022,0.0,0.0,0.12180824074539605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787283241749518,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mitchcoop,2018/02/07,"All I do is cause pain. My entire life feels like its been a complete fuck up. A mistake. In the past I broke up a relationship between two of my best friends. I thought I had learned from my mistake and became a better person. I was wrong. After all these years.. I did it again and now I don't know what to think anymore.. I hate myself.

I won't kill myself, because I know that I deserve to suffer in this world. I want to hurt myself and just want to shut myself from the world so I can't hurt anyone else anymore. Just die alone slowly.

To everyone I've ever hurt.. I'm sorry. I can't make up for what I've done, but I hope that my pain and pathetic attitude can at least give you some kind of satisfaction. It's all I can ask for at this point.

I hope my death is long and painful. ",0.6013455442057065,2.5589911916167694,2.443571680169075,95.04016555125044,83.19161676646706,5.127016555125045,20.003170130327586,6.2272716619740125,-0.07418252905952816,607,17,140,5,17,201,98,167,0.248,0.618,0.134,-0.9608,0,1,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,1,0,2,6,21,3,0,6,0,14,5,0,2,4,27,29,7,3,6,3,0,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,14,0,1,6,1,27,7,20,22,6,18,0,5,0,1,6,11,1,3,8,96,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332664075306819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552180528711777,0.08997114345649987,0.13184067980623987,0.0,0.0,0.12029187213227108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843785783479072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503436008852762,0.1138007994271631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132182601005945,0.0,0.0,0.13491117748910686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354224439983042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167713876406126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748976866608806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639208230959268,0.0,0.12295255207680895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506092780330701,0.09192400675456563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941242963000674,0.118956101948953,0.0,0.1234348527740536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270379342117219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556026163843946,0.0,0.0,0.413241277681079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235759428171135,0.1339931139620873,0.14143061579580293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088553517190667,0.06286312133077182,0.0,0.0,0.11387154331660612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589021717330116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107513869844282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283292458318272,0.0,0.11235228803864628,0.0,0.0,0.1216375623509304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814663221196105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403887297330453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244845370329604,0.0,0.10215197780095234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569481019541798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517893216356749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068371053170187,0.0,0.08286118413570177
suicidewatch,KBishop13,2018/02/07,"Are there any small groups on here where people can air problems without people feeling obliged to reply? Don’t know if this is the right place to post but I’ve got so much on my mind all the time and I just want somewhere to air it without having to directly having to talk to one person, sorry if confusing, thanks.",3.784761904761904,5.463734142857145,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,72.65079365079364,6.309841269841268,25.29841269841269,6.742157984588678,0.949656507936508,253,8,49,2,5,79,50,63,0.103,0.8170000000000001,0.08,0.1192,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,11,5,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,10,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,3,1,34,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411824787530532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202784237402085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193020200541821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326331599771138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368277832663301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741134144389895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353700625154136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346270330506779,0.21072720230164987,0.2521470466920342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311352779768056,0.0,0.0,0.23092805838618555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610149917218454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27015834972498803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397849874599454,0.0,0.22219178438329415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072624181121127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234751977880794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652828140137911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdministrativeMine,2018/02/07,Lost job. Crushing debt. I've got no fight left. I'm done. Fuck.,-3.8814285714285752,-6.208200571428571,-1.855142857142857,113.35014285714287,161.85714285714286,1.12,9.942857142857145,3.1291,-2.51684,48,1,13,0,5,15,13,14,0.722,0.278,0.0,-0.9274,2,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213609070198617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38065416277436775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293122918959248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40859611106837057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473651383225517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494713114734309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw_me_all_awa5,2018/02/07,Girlfriend was the last thing holding me up I've never really had a reason to want to push on after college . I finished and was screwed by my first employer. I was injured. Fired. Couldn't work for 3 months. No unemployment $$. Got sub par treatment for my damaged arm (it's better now). Realized that my career pays max 30$ an hour for 10 years of experience. Went through depression for about 2 years. Got out of it but I've never felt whole since. Always like I wanted to drift off. The only thing i cared about was my girlfriend. That was all I had left. Everything else is pointless. I said to myself keep pushing on for her. Make her life as amazing as you can. And for the last 2 years I've been doing everything to be able to make her life a great one. It didn't matter what my life was as long as I could make her happy and see her smile. And now is almost over between us. I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me. She's uninterested in me and we don't talk about much. And I feel that last rope slipping. ,0.4151159366948853,2.77188911483254,2.2244258373205743,93.43194239970556,88.47368421052632,4.937872653662128,19.52171512697829,6.490185161304077,0.1162078027235922,791,24,171,9,26,260,126,209,0.091,0.745,0.165,0.9696,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,1,0,3,7,11,2,0,6,0,18,6,1,4,4,28,33,11,0,4,1,0,3,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,9,8,0,2,4,0,1,4,6,4,0,2,15,5,27,7,33,15,3,29,0,2,1,1,14,9,1,1,17,110,36,6,0.13146509603234985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164330358262122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938949134818098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627019404290345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340374270943364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496418176960684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323069457497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982221850235743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23630470279109744,0.12859809009376166,0.0,0.0,0.06647270263811726,0.0,0.12622710867116527,0.0,0.0,0.11182414352614134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028929372429514,0.14494073248822525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994703930996388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946663796490065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685221780984185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214847990369861,0.0,0.0,0.14283721150082762,0.0,0.2785730556372984,0.06422720536290724,0.0,0.0,0.1163424730233174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632619173343831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493418540284496,0.0,0.0966419721515986,0.0,0.20278797325248107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908415141494762,0.09998512957671343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374726522006067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421990687449875,0.13516801420208072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505341153083468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476066069442108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874928596077707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390429718498533,0.0,0.0,0.1056666643814726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467913643001512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581363236565801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508303956613564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186946111442486,0.0,0.1467760848308771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957081556532876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539776347770504
suicidewatch,LokisJoke,2018/02/07,"Does anyone else look back on their lives and realize there wasn't any way that you weren't going end up here? When you look back at how your parents treated you...how you got bullied in high school...how everything was just another step on a journey that was always going to end at suicide.  Like it was a predetermined narrative that you never had the option of escaping.

People ask why you are depressed and suicidal, and you think how can I not be?  ",5.20137931034483,6.353942873563224,5.662701149425288,80.28991379310345,68.54022988505747,9.018390804597699,29.44252873563219,9.2995712137729,2.526066666666667,358,13,67,7,6,115,63,87,0.177,0.7829999999999999,0.039,-0.9438,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,7,1,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,2,1,11,16,6,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,7,2,9,2,8,8,0,18,0,1,2,0,10,7,0,1,7,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518057767928707,0.0,0.0,0.12406634028095,0.1913056105575715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756719903659414,0.18693267191934795,0.0,0.0,0.17055798787531531,0.0,0.0,0.2805721967723674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713642448558238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596556112117382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240629591924673,0.0,0.3231776809726833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639664766921302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737119047363475,0.0,0.14591497406012766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275925033122207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891316037874007,0.0,0.16109901051226502,0.0,0.30640948622131475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070997782529082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257947334465964,0.0,0.0,0.12648182602221458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846403358282441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991223418863384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690101847947496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481341211577295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462489645666667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tosscoin,2018/02/07,"Help me find the opposite 
I came here few weeks ago to find like-minded people who've made their choice.
Instead, what I read everyday (replies to any new post) is ridiculous cliche's like on some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings - ""Oh we love you, oh we need you"". Or some religious sect meeting.. People with their lives totally fucked up, who aint going to achieve nothing in the next year, next 3 years, next 5 years - or drugged with antideps 24/7, or on some crappy psychoanalysis counseling - they come here to become a sorry-ass well-wisher....

I talked to some of them in private - their lives are miserable as they can get - yet, they put their NiceGuy Wellwisher costume on and start patting others on the shoulder.
They're not living, they're not dying, they're trapped, and will stay trapped for another 30-60 years - but they won't let anybody to make a choice by calling him a coward. Its just disgusting...

Please, if you know of any resources that are *not* anti-sui, with sane and sober, rationally-thinking community - take a split-second to PM me.
Dont reply here because its likely to be deleted. :(",7.1798529411764695,7.5634257107843155,6.4841176470588255,78.85352941176474,63.950980392156865,9.349019607843136,34.64705882352941,9.075114841892004,2.956664705882353,871,36,158,13,12,267,141,204,0.085,0.85,0.065,-0.7114,0,2,2,0,0,0,51.0,2,3,9,1,6,7,3,1,7,0,10,5,1,2,1,30,22,9,1,2,9,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,3,1,0,4,6,4,0,0,2,0,20,3,23,16,6,26,1,1,0,2,22,7,1,8,15,89,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115853932655624,0.13401326448651885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705510744778012,0.1314916574485088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644199219750995,0.13849320880467098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804627500542656,0.14342290993797752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802002993317196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014423756894078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696655124580327,0.0,0.1454228871214377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292246056364981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592924218023205,0.06551573817489863,0.0,0.07126707225934374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405222471537939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891594395606075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822884892146535,0.0,0.1837906731364065,0.0,0.3321885204072089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317738341106025,0.11865545050427458,0.0837047248897684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266171197090773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298167920969816,0.0,0.12111101790745632,0.4000893885303197,0.0,0.0,0.12032360559181625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387158580767187,0.0,0.0,0.13765031160996538,0.0,0.0,0.1200974617966324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260605079228131,0.0,0.0,0.1254328128469474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875797136462889,0.13365851923453162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428435027053676,0.10079086821550873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035053772068547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058741609185523,0.0,0.11274865123837145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442025212257178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230110646070349
suicidewatch,neptune-pakicetus,2018/02/07,"Can't do it anymore Long story short: outwardly, everything in my life is going great. I'm at a rigorous college maintaining a 3.9 GPA. I have a dream job. I have friends and family who care.

But the only thing I really care about is animals. But we live in a world where torturing animals in labs is the norm. I can barely look at my beloved pet rats while thinking about how they were supposed to be eaten alive by snakes. I am being treated for depression and PTSD as a direct result of seeing animal cruelty. I can't do anything about it because animal cruelty will not stop. My medications were built on this cruelty. I just can't live in this world anymore.

I'm going to inject myself with the same stuff used in labs to euthanize animals. My college is haunted by ghosts from the Civil War of soldiers and horses (sounds crazy, but professors and students have told me some wild tales). There have to be mice and rats there, too, from the science center. My only hope is that maybe I can end it all and just comfort the animals who have been and will be killed. Or maybe I'll get lucky and there will be nothing after death. Or I can fight God. Anything is better than this.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I live in the wrong universe. I am too empathetic to keep living. And maybe, just maybe, people will realize that ""saving lives"" doesn't mean killing animals, but fighting to keep them alive.",3.9824747474747504,5.852215240740744,4.92969696969697,81.57818181818183,72.51851851851852,8.464646464646465,27.45791245791245,9.095868883498916,2.3595185185185192,1105,41,207,24,22,360,152,270,0.132,0.6970000000000001,0.171,0.8987,1,0,0,0,3,0,35.0,1,0,2,1,13,20,6,0,12,0,34,4,0,3,1,37,53,18,5,1,10,0,1,1,1,4,3,1,1,0,12,11,1,3,4,1,0,2,5,9,0,0,5,4,22,11,29,39,3,22,0,1,2,0,9,15,0,5,6,139,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200318431936948,0.0,0.0,0.1825771360486909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762384651631778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811139679650173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620757286054016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554659899242243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982538847637811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969960337325083,0.0,0.10457794420070897,0.0,0.05609115696717325,0.07925069724658541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570671189508212,0.0,0.05795801620783667,0.0,0.12609178326177053,0.0,0.0,0.1223042400004992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018169399751858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008407956075562,0.1972050430028912,0.2454622900695481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835539687944383,0.054196356016791236,0.0,0.4897802214184822,0.09817238742084712,0.09315594523454464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457892224729737,0.12083877140931573,0.0,0.11175352400659433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644339325703744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687393884976372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690711017726318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967496946224352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106664583770597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839939448506802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274511895032324,0.0,0.0,0.12699196865894447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736990860272908,0.07108151258392023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600142252665946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581066352135363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212880350248702,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rossomedude,2018/02/07,"Uselessness I understand fully the complete uselessness of my life, as well as the human race as a whole and everything on this floating rock we call home. There is no point, I struggle to find meaning, I would die if I could amount the will, or lack thereof. But yet, this holds me back, the permanence of death and the fear of whatever the hell it might bring for me. But this fear I constantly live with also harms me, and gives me these horrible thoughts of my own death, and part of me yearns, with every fiber of my body for those thoughts to be reality. It seems every hour of the day I think about what would happen if I were to die or a loved one of mine. If someone I loved died, I would have the noose ready immediately. Sometimes I will be walking down a sidewalk, and see a car driving by. Part of me starts readying my legs to jump in front of that bus or car. It’s hard not to. Every “friend” of mine shuns me and it is abundantly clear I am not wanted. The only thing I hold onto are relatives, “real” friends, and the escapes from reality that are games. Takes my mind off of my uselessness. ",5.531981032665964,5.586396557077631,5.743470319634702,83.88957850368811,67.44748858447488,9.295539164032316,30.08816297857394,9.057496981413335,2.17861756234633,862,29,182,14,13,274,129,219,0.222,0.701,0.078,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,0,0,6,14,1,3,14,0,16,5,2,0,1,40,31,19,5,10,10,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,1,1,13,10,0,2,7,2,0,7,3,9,1,1,3,2,28,5,32,19,6,19,1,4,1,2,9,6,1,8,6,132,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962772292471938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257381505363703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372808035584627,0.0,0.0,0.12293342492879065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622844656724294,0.13010069864699264,0.0,0.09612300629326638,0.0,0.0,0.07764271114108785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748428493937377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30430569472733143,0.0,0.108200331058524,0.0,0.0,0.2709483519109245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100358672973964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860287160073794,0.0,0.0,0.115490725141608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646201616422173,0.0,0.10784734974941708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076272918689145,0.0,0.11856161069481745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503624483678246,0.0,0.0,0.10630811018374668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731648759967268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114189654540995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771660849022726,0.12156133538282073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158055731701798,0.09156334168003184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607450399637504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380910629902287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703215475749198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593662788054426,0.10960011652398224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200752877833497,0.0,0.11907050712372315,0.0,0.08521389168972653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585958422981294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051960391234827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998292106549124,0.07714216439685756,0.0,0.19115518390056072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253320449248504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101016621515255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824663077662608,0.0,0.0,0.13441307585160098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565685090425218,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleasehelpme8991,2018/02/07,"I've lost everyone, and I'm barely holding on I'm nineteen. I've never had any friends in real life. I was excluded. I made my peace with that. I lived like this for so long, that everything was okay.

Then I got friends. They were only internet friends, fellow outcasts. I talked to them daily for about five years, but last night it all fell apart because of drama. I can barely hold conversations, and I simply don't have the social skills I need to keep in contact with my loved ones. Now that my social circle is all gone, I can feel all the loneliness I repressed.

I don't want to die, but I don't have hope for the future anymore...",2.228177083333332,4.301683796875,3.4121875000000017,89.59739583333338,78.21875,6.141666666666668,23.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.8309666666666664,498,16,102,6,12,161,84,128,0.152,0.732,0.116,-0.1911,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,2,3,9,0,1,3,1,12,2,0,1,4,20,24,6,1,3,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,2,8,1,17,7,13,16,3,14,0,1,0,1,12,4,0,1,9,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749499641959086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593294354178774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142880108069498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945779486137706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791482198569643,0.16849779973727444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479713272583118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345471362500651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994743177910247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621310799405436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666436711823315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282382067698394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242491970905315,0.09159481516109426,0.0,0.16555108921524786,0.1659167209867372,0.0,0.0,0.20466004601834306,0.0,0.1692108963482364,0.17740112495364513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901640777374294,0.14459859199853226,0.0,0.0,0.17594027079839078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270434598007195,0.14258941223879193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339691241246064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822309982251845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069188419491694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105824413768163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073302572749955
suicidewatch,olvi__03,2018/02/07,From how high From how high do i need to jump with my head in a noose to instantly break my neck? And or how many bullets do i need to buy to shoot myself and what is the best brand of bullet and gun? ,5.938666666666666,3.0063625333333377,6.296111111111113,89.9975,68.1111111111111,9.888888888888893,26.94444444444445,7.1686216300943375,0.9141111111111102,154,2,41,1,2,50,32,45,0.107,0.8059999999999999,0.087,0.1926,0,0,0,2,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,3,0,10,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,9,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344312496392374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270539525232058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733982839063846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230878790014824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725890657621549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,C_bear3,2018/02/07,"Just want to be numb Every day I feel so worthless and lost. My passion has been depleted completely, I am just alone with my thoughts of feeling like I am nothing. All I want to do is feel numb.

I look around at people getting on with things like it’s no big deal, then look at myself and the fact that I don’t leave the house for days, even weeks at a time. Most days I can’t even leave my bed & just want to be unconscious. I can’t function normally like everyone else, and I don’t think this will ever change.
 
I have a job and go to uni but it means nothing as I feel like I never have the strength to go in, or that there is just no point as I will fail in the long run anyway, that is what everyone expects of me.
I lie everyday about where I have been and what I am doing, why I am like this. I feel ashamed that I can’t live the way everyone else can.

I am a burden to everyone in my life, I have done nothing but be a constant source of negativity. I am a parasite to my father who has tried to help me.
I have lost a lot of friendships over the years because of my reclusiveness, unreliability & inability to keep plans with people, even the most patient of my friends have given up with me and I don’t blame them. 

I have thought about killing myself for almost 10 years now, the only thing stopping me from ending everything is how my death would impact my family. My mum has already told me how much it would affect her & it makes me feel horribly guilty. But that is the only thing that’s making me carry on my existence... that’s not a good reason to live. 
Because of this, I kept saying to myself maybe it will get better, just keep going things will be ok in the end. 
It’s quite the opposite, the older I get the worse I feel. The constant feeling of looming failure grows stronger everyday & it’s getting too much to bare. 

I don’t really know why I posted this, probably for attention as I speak to no one at the moment. But I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head somehow. ",4.0982608695652205,4.5675764589371965,5.1542512077294695,85.4194927536232,70.64251207729468,8.355555555555558,27.65217391304348,8.401726058763845,1.6759797101449276,1570,51,340,23,27,518,189,414,0.19,0.7170000000000001,0.093,-0.9932,1,1,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,1,7,22,20,1,1,22,1,44,5,1,6,4,66,81,18,2,8,12,2,8,5,1,6,3,2,1,0,26,12,0,4,16,0,0,5,13,9,0,1,11,12,56,11,50,60,6,45,0,4,2,1,11,17,0,6,26,242,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383624427276671,0.07636855979632425,0.08136983071115017,0.0,0.0,0.31957296205998104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564093201056778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989791722227787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521375729230132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800321881736852,0.0,0.07731109824429924,0.15936547059369088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266142297294448,0.07601887829339482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545782640833107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319441902835547,0.0,0.13061693550854495,0.0,0.0,0.1461063743883447,0.06669869671119018,0.06212600540568813,0.2818327438811364,0.0662694238265469,0.0,0.06951201281313364,0.0,0.29826627414457857,0.10535444207779857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056968475532359085,0.0,0.19262084352752265,0.0,0.1257181003228735,0.061846502514122374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567470750843616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942388157734075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508177981476242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317189114239055,0.1310804068754931,0.08157828107477695,0.0,0.04052353717476049,0.0,0.0,0.1561521710234668,0.0,0.0,0.05208212298961168,0.1801191361456695,0.0,0.13022099176675214,0.06525429720818306,0.12383982699708385,0.0,0.1609837440144315,0.06268795779167853,0.0,0.0,0.0984390936569424,0.0,0.07407801516213053,0.08032043745674182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840931621423336,0.0,0.05686997333385872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224590950401348,0.2122558797414125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996561910631472,0.11215954401261384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022389198587202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970462869074846,0.0,0.07061898420506517,0.0,0.07950019306267045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842762188073067,0.0,0.0,0.04723735615395238,0.07581318793193194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863805817823475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061646840986445475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594846127069104,0.047247237945579036,0.0,0.17561513594208836,0.04299622426612601,0.0,0.0,0.0704581859702841,0.0,0.05006210142627175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396629954339732,0.05852843567095545,0.05914680495286057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307106740083854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514358001838957,0.10476029108812754,0.0,0.0,0.09496750775704198
suicidewatch,jaabar,2018/02/07,"After 4 years feeling same the day I oded Know this feeling.it’s like my mind is compelling me to hurt myself. To cut,to bleed.to finish it. I just want to it to get away",0.6016666666666666,2.797832500000002,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,85.1111111111111,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.5632555555555556,134,4,29,0,4,43,30,36,0.093,0.71,0.197,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,6,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40825708571464375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802371699589073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971241809440348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270250174449231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46517545651065706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880740436887005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229036939500426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387534142413509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562982117186171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798243392356799
suicidewatch,DeathRayRobot,2018/02/07,"Suicidal even when I'm happy I have suicidal thoughts when I am sad, like a lot of people on here.
But I still want to die when I'm happy.

Like I feel good right now, better than I have for ages.

But I still dont want to be alive. I am happy, but the thought of dying still seems like the best option.

A lot of the time I feel like my eventual suicide is enivitable. Maybe this is just proving that.

Does anyone else feel like this?",1.5447527472527476,3.179108021978024,2.8506456043956057,94.8849793956044,78.67032967032965,5.868681318681317,20.166208791208803,6.6274283507984215,0.03810879120879118,334,8,77,3,8,108,54,91,0.149,0.54,0.312,0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,16,18,6,5,2,4,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,9,11,8,15,3,11,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,14,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910960693627674,0.1334891082969333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672271975657255,0.11522367194507732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27042389573693315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401048814223325,0.0,0.1526893086982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883373319500003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604990547290897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976231899789604,0.18614669934624348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927419937938312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160622216176731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182455530242758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152186849531316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088558721016114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903210016639459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125995219192836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186036649688278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121296605034309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275214571060487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685840587985,0.07596836994855885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368717169784846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,one_you_can_see,2018/02/07,"Threw all of my bullets in the river this morning. I'm not gonna lose. This isn't gonna beat me. Last time I felt like this, I threw my firing pin into my back yard. Once I felt better, I found it, cleaned it, and put it back. 

But at this point, I don't think I can ever have a gun again. got rid of the bullets first, since without them, it's useless. I think I'm just gonna drop it off at the police station and tell them I don't want it anymore.  


It's just so hard to fight. I don't want to be alive. I want to die. 

Things have happened to me in the past two weeks that could break even the strongest person. 

I found out my ex, who I still cared about deeply, was beaten to death. She died cold and lonely, with nothing. In the street in front a a fucking Salvation Army soup kitchen. She stole clothes to stay warm. And some asshole decided she needed to die for that. 

I found out that I have cancer. Even best case scenario, I am in for a ton of pain and misery. And that's if I even make it. I really hope I don't. 

And then, to top it all off: 

I got the girl of my dreams pregnant. 

The baby is gone. 

And she won't talk to me, at all. 

I'm not even sure what happened. Did she abort it? Did she miscarry? Was she trying to keep it? I can't get over the fact that I may never know the answers to these, and so many more questions. 

Like, we knew she might be pregnant. And she seemed to not hate me. But then, all in one message, she tells me that she was pregnant for sure, and now she isn't, and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. 

How can you just give someone news like that and then disappear? 

I kinda wish I still had those bullets. And that's why I needed to throw them out. 

Even if no one ever sees this, it felt good to get it out. I have a therapy appointment in 8 days, and I'm just trying to hold out until then. ",0.5133968058968037,2.147839396464647,2.082538902538904,99.19448402948406,81.80303030303031,4.988151788151789,18.783510783510785,5.6139094711885065,-0.5525030576030576,1395,32,346,7,37,453,184,396,0.141,0.747,0.112,-0.8783,0,2,0,1,1,2,59.0,1,1,3,7,21,19,4,0,15,0,28,4,0,2,10,77,70,27,4,11,12,1,6,3,0,6,2,0,3,2,31,23,1,2,14,2,0,7,15,8,0,4,18,8,54,11,47,43,8,52,0,3,1,1,30,22,1,9,23,235,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230143086385106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134730715017188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096454607277913,0.08128754347755174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370908229954104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338321363800399,0.0,0.0,0.05927479672990019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28616638158211394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035307465163257,0.16627697694231655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647460512631506,0.0,0.0,0.07817919290103742,0.0,0.30232600959954736,0.0,0.08496995941829515,0.09603909262731357,0.08816911666721679,0.0,0.0770903329418305,0.14701876303887199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255265368367908,0.0,0.08233393244909792,0.09074278610092826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128806166964024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169445156478274,0.0,0.0,0.050511716035512036,0.07491948615666733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347087735946964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028245613932984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135110471908154,0.0931830219782356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750272621900097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630123617663376,0.0708871965346641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819079372833967,0.0,0.0,0.09788189389813848,0.12456213547955867,0.0,0.0977994630267122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773916130458245,0.0,0.08025287647112922,0.0,0.0,0.08688531792285978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239563755448732,0.1029610166889744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058880346748281916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324092671413716,0.08367204767910941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602947929567787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787563628822729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796457512946748,0.14680000455057005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324949059194802,0.0,0.0,0.1477486753289043,0.1606680026371108,0.0,0.1051078934410415,0.0,0.061061383848454574,0.11778532837729574,0.0,0.0,0.05359386722248994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480266174591588,0.0,0.08978339695409783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168452443918933,0.0,0.07372521809491743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829351092934716,0.0,0.10569276695103262,0.08859863318390343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PolaroidInfinite,2018/02/07,"Want to harm myself but not sure if I want to die yry I feel like cutting my wrists again would be freeing, but I don't want to die. I just want to bleed and feel that rush, that shock if emergency. I want people to know that they're putting too much fucking stress on me. Is it worth it",1.7108064516129031,2.9616213709677446,2.378258064516128,100.09738709677424,77.2258064516129,5.605161290322582,20.464516129032265,5.6839178017228535,-0.3972038709677421,223,5,56,1,5,69,43,62,0.401,0.468,0.131,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,17,13,5,2,8,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,8,4,6,11,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565428529038525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224247594863029,0.15713098309337573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333849561302372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208777363177343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745554293989397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616871780370124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248433450905186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22110861379898966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25194983188875986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072985030466209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6486555083312223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624483603330236,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeafyonIsHere,2018/02/07,"I'm lost I just withdrew from college, saying that I would return at a later date. I just got into a fight with a friend who i've been friends on and off for several years now, and they were becoming jealous that I had other friends, and today they blocked me. I know it's a toxic relationship, but I know how good of a friend they can be, and I don't want to give up on them but I think they just gave up on me. This isn't my first friend i lost, I lost a friend a few years ago that i was close with. We had our own youtube channel together and we did videos together. But i got caught up with my ex and neglected him and he cut off ties with me. I tried for months to get him to come back and he wanted nothing to do with me. 

All i can think about how is this any different, I care about my friend, but they're also one of the only people in this world that understand me on a somewhat personal level. I have other friends, but they only know my username. This person knows my name, and even if they became jealous and wanted only my attention, all I can think about is how pathetic my friendships have become. I want them back, at this point even if it hurts I can't go through telling someone else my problems who doesn't relaly know me, nor do I wanna spend months of energy only to be shot down. 

I don't have much energy left anymore for anything, I only realized it a few weeks ago, but suicide and ending my life have been in the back of my mind for a long time now, almost a month. Things that I used to enjoy, like playing competitive video games with my team fortress 2 highlander team don't bring me much joy anymore. I was already failing college so i left before i drew up enough debt, but I'm already at a bill of $1,500 with no savings to back me up. I've tried coming out to some of my team, which is my next closest friend circle, but I know deep down that once our team dies so will most of our friendships. I don't have any desire to reach out to anyone anymore, I don't see the need to put myself in the line of fire if people just hurt me whenever i become close with someone. I dont want to see the room I'm in that reminds me of what a disgusting piece of shit I am. When I was younger I did some sexually inappropriate things to a girl a few years younger than me that seem to haunt me almost every day, reminding me that I should be in jail, that I should be labeled as a sex offender do no one who is worth a damn in life should be near me. 

That was over 8 years ago, but I honestly don't even remember. My mother has lived in washington my whole life, and while i know she loves me there's nothing that can be done to replace those years I had without her. My dad is the closest family member i've ever met, but he's a racist and insensitive asshole who does care for me and my future, but only to certain points. He's proven it time and time again he doesn't really know how I feel, even if I straight up tell him I need help, he doesn't understand and assumes I just have a shitty attitude. I can't take this anymore. 

Everyday I see so many good people around me, and it just makes me realize what a piece of pathetic shit I've been for years. I've become angry and loud towards other people, hoping that it makes me feel something, something else besides pain, or sadness, or anything. I always tell myself i""m too much of a coward to end my own life but I don't know how long that will last. I don't want medication because I don't want to become dependent on drugs that only prolong and push the problem away, and I tried talking to a therapist already. I didn't know how to tell them about how worthless I feel, and I don't think anyone who hasn't been close to me for long (which is about 0 at this point), would understand how they can help me. I don't even know what I want anymore, I just want it to stop. 

I don't even know what it is i want from this post, maybe some words of encouragement, someone to say that I matter, maybe it will make me feel better, maybe it won't do anything. Maybe I just want attention, and i'm not actually feeling depressed, since I can't cry no matter how hard I try. Maybe it'll get me to stop staying up till 6 am writing this.",5.965833333333336,4.728742729452055,6.482593607305938,83.25784018264841,66.91095890410959,9.567488584474884,30.996347031963467,8.447377352677275,2.030363196347032,3285,101,725,39,45,1075,322,876,0.16699999999999998,0.703,0.13,-0.9848,2,0,3,0,1,1,81.0,5,0,10,10,45,46,9,0,29,0,78,11,2,14,4,159,147,58,2,27,28,3,7,1,9,10,7,3,1,3,53,41,0,4,31,9,4,7,29,22,0,3,24,13,125,24,100,107,19,103,0,10,3,2,69,50,3,17,45,490,178,7,0.0,0.0,0.042109576683227776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475343271651102,0.0,0.0864198595077987,0.0,0.1428560473414665,0.03450818762880788,0.03590545138517531,0.0,0.0,0.05868891215612124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139731459448919,0.06034497448145231,0.0,0.106529864798405,0.03841392650849191,0.0,0.0,0.040542194403938435,0.1327231622415464,0.0,0.0263047147539519,0.2382868530920521,0.036718693622732286,0.0,0.0,0.03816393831162823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879915294058949,0.0,0.0,0.0743422821258704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047399826004343525,0.02782910626963317,0.0,0.0371662684346036,0.0,0.04478437763992567,0.04508406610877811,0.0,0.0,0.037762112271624265,0.044158900694364116,0.05057316139673868,0.0,0.05004196586794568,0.0,0.07209497509952663,0.0,0.07643872820973788,0.04458696829985718,0.0,0.17100669829832693,0.03903294415843088,0.03635694577791891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067933330427383,0.0,0.10909331251103868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036704589257910473,0.0,0.0,0.3000482304004597,0.0,0.04508968840405087,0.041394789232469004,0.024523955397284653,0.07238675410648568,0.06902429035534671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865521068192793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057846995663337564,0.0,0.0,0.04285911229572803,0.0,0.0,0.09238900903230253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845788073779529,0.035174179532335564,0.0,0.0,0.0937683225386394,0.0,0.12191654101480967,0.021081611874611616,0.0,0.03810350839309844,0.11456298839182573,0.0,0.0,0.14131466880992774,0.0,0.03894585556501972,0.0,0.08641175544304164,0.043748783027876416,0.21675708610253305,0.0,0.0,0.04347053181946752,0.0,0.0,0.04357064907869777,0.0,0.10332919312968747,0.0,0.09516381116935484,0.06399248576973225,0.0,0.0,0.04589204152860856,0.0,0.0,0.08280993292487318,0.0,0.0,0.04595487082944639,0.058481059348525564,0.2297302798932693,0.04591617010658649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196630892787502,0.07535633864543358,0.0,0.0,0.12237616385750193,0.0,0.04132714734947681,0.0,0.0,0.08258019268709102,0.0,0.0433791114977758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0276439147369396,0.0,0.0,0.046328493088230886,0.048882164905505884,0.0,0.0,0.0686315074593012,0.0,0.0,0.10315832252121347,0.039283446508812166,0.0,0.04874883989987537,0.08858865751679469,0.035695313618460664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968621459584854,0.06644016695323933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599368909454552,0.0,0.07215306506472988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720066701707448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03244450946830433,0.03468348955848481,0.15086502750543934,0.0,0.0,0.05010214287455386,0.05733579308024279,0.110598790759309,0.0,0.0,0.07548584771019225,0.0,0.04090251558498257,0.0,0.0,0.1171879695272984,0.0,0.0,0.1347664994927648,0.0,0.037268985781634366,0.0,0.0,0.27997018342885216,0.0,0.03461347895403898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048177037057674,0.0,0.04159644426035383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130708385157711,0.0,0.0,0.16672865932584546
suicidewatch,PatheticLooser31,2018/02/07,"I think I should do it Living on disability at 32 years of age since I was 22. I have several bad discs in my neck which cause pain. That I can handle. I cannot bare the loneliness anymore though. I can take physical pain but not the loneliness. I am single, never had a girlfriend, never had any sexual experiences or even a hug. My friends all abandoned me. I am alone. I lost my social life. I own a home with my brother and my mom now lives with us on disability to. A girl may accept the fact I'm disabled but I am constantly rejected when they ask if they can come over and I tell them no then I explain my living situation and they all call me a loser for being 32 and still living at home. I'm tired. All I do 24/7 is lay in bed in my room because me and my family argue quite a bit and so I just stay in my room. I live a pathetic life of solitude. I have the medication for my condition to end my life and I'm tempted to using it. I'm only happy when I'm asleep. I have no friends. I can't talk to anybody. Life isn't worth living. I cannot bare the thought of reaching old age and realizing it was such a wasted life. I am tired of being unloved. I just want to leave and do it where nobody will find me. I've been researching methods for months. My life isn't worth living. I told my situation before and I got the reply back I should hang myself. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I gave my family everything I went into debt the rest of my life for them. Now I'm ready to die. So it's debt, being disabled, a virgin, living situation. And don't say I can change things. Like I said I am now in considerable debt for helping them out which makes me trapped here. It's society to. The misconceptions about my disability I deal with when talking to them, no friends. I have all the reasons. Like my best friend said before she deleted me ""I'm already dead anyway.""",0.2170137355238353,2.4564614506329114,2.7139886883921385,90.57354161055751,87.65822784810128,5.893347697279828,20.0498249394021,7.295548434001253,0.5913560463237273,1463,46,323,25,47,503,182,395,0.232,0.634,0.134,-0.9936,3,4,1,0,0,5,46.0,1,0,7,4,19,19,1,0,18,0,35,16,2,4,7,50,61,22,5,7,7,2,0,2,5,4,12,3,5,1,10,17,0,1,8,0,5,3,12,9,0,0,13,3,69,10,37,41,9,37,0,4,0,2,32,15,0,3,20,217,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476350965914763,0.07965966806970076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049089338695129235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158967407683038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748469258471937,0.0,0.0,0.05550701167055383,0.060272765450279986,0.044004259216817936,0.0,0.12285089782506645,0.0,0.07575534504050567,0.0,0.07880903139851196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371055247393575,0.0,0.0,0.07415548561856443,0.07636381279220658,0.062182332787796814,0.0,0.07800803060737757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442117746784252,0.0,0.0,0.2996730253058661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393586932623671,0.0,0.0,0.04767854451264123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487662883228362,0.07061231080897354,0.13610213562339954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597721144707361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308464017599267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773418935472895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684393935668712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838513201708873,0.0,0.14481801823681809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643514803569561,0.0,0.0,0.35691253323505984,0.07053341747409644,0.0,0.5099364660924747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880016156313581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048185091804054066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272036851072096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454403094951861,0.05761862644110598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134945616366228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574765551052977,0.0,0.0,0.05490113454094662,0.15362318660461333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677929610905412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421981013333946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733190526079414,0.05740565280652475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815502698865417,0.0,0.059713471443607766,0.2434221662738392,0.0,0.07358511101840479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769412721706115,0.05764828301375913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427531216970436,0.11604165103870373,0.06309423842074123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795754534319352,0.046254235249862136,0.07092293231882281,0.05730806825616736,0.0,0.1659356717890728,0.0,0.06897735509749522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868315480275438,0.06234601387709614,0.0,0.0,0.17031002222599162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669176677512051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648578028991798
suicidewatch,TerminallyDank,2018/02/07,"I'm a mess I'm 17 years old, 18 next month. On New Years Eve, I broke up with my girlfriend. I was already planning to kill myself when I  broke up with her. She blocked me and I haven't talked to her in a month. Then on January 9th I tried to hang myself, but I failed. I was admitted to a mental hospital for 8 days. They put me on Lexapro. I had stopped taking Wellbutrin in December. I made good friends with my roommate in the hospital and we've been hanging out a lot. I've been smoking weed and taking kratom. I quit weed last year in April, but now I'm smoking again because I don't care anymore. The way I sleep is fucked. I'm waking up every day around 2 pm I thought I'd be dead by now, so I'm not functioning very well at all. All I've been doing every day is getting high and writing in my journal. I'm trying to fill the journal completely. I feel completely lost. I'm in pain. My heart hurts.",0.13688177107866295,2.274299336787568,2.0769594912859155,95.79700306170513,86.72020725388597,5.167121997173812,22.76236457842675,6.574015621080383,0.4805046632124359,704,27,161,8,22,233,114,193,0.236,0.716,0.048,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,1,4,7,13,2,0,7,0,12,5,3,1,2,22,29,9,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,9,1,0,9,1,26,4,25,19,3,41,0,5,0,1,9,16,1,1,20,87,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705494595567598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114435404479947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669601176873582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867576619459401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510591416232693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984420700009772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27535613481257204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398234415914877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196185790970085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995697997299464,0.1315736248308978,0.07435693525661058,0.0,0.0,0.1193722418371954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686512672117169,0.0,0.1503701260779346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235775198704074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745728377926144,0.0,0.0,0.11601074581634503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553603651068204,0.12099636606094892,0.0,0.1346677286522683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434262612468363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271987940956575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745466918752106,0.15136017486560674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934212294314553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143975523859413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430720814136131,0.0,0.1513760789258036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242394885683393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898686767376572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140156098085128,0.11439236237178743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298710854432972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325345930339444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742986720375552,0.0,0.11296791723461892,0.0,0.0,0.12796382051013536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749504945747104
suicidewatch,askask9,2018/02/07,"How to afford own funeral? My family consists of severely ill/indebted people that are spread through the world and they wouldn't be able to pay. Cheapest option I found is donation of body to University (they take the body for 1100€). Does anyone know what other options are out there? Thanks! I'm also an immigrant in EU, so access to social security funds are slightly different.

Please point me to an appropriate sub if these kinds of posts aren't allowed.",4.384852941176471,7.009156352941179,5.351397058823533,75.6200367647059,73.70588235294117,8.955882352941178,28.27205882352941,9.516144504307137,3.0816176470588243,370,15,62,10,8,121,70,85,0.079,0.831,0.091,0.2671,4,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,2,2,0,10,12,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,12,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,0,39,9,1,0.225743366635116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052688873927028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784501074598434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014999802649537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358537711073197,0.0,0.0,0.19754954140009265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281075541845346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24751594970533825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507697802528715,0.12406265060359704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565020266841567,0.0,0.0,0.2477984271046402,0.21340044817459608,0.0,0.2161997440063232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550257490030149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301169337519957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973091760099246,0.0,0.0,0.20783416241979705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TemPestt16,2018/02/07,"i dont want to ever have feelings anymore i cant handle these retarded thoughts....i dont want to have feelings..i dont want to annoy people...i dont want to get in the way of anyone...im useless...i cant even do shit myself and even then i would still fail at the most simplest things ever yet im in a science class but i dont even understand the classes..me and my gf are in a stable relationship yet i still feel like shes annoyed by me..does she actually love me?who knows...im a huge dick and a hypocrite imo yet they still want to be friends with me?wtf...they say that they care abt me and dont want me dead but i feel like they only say that to me to not hurt my feelings,who wants to care abt me anyways,if i was gone from their lives it wont matter that much anyways...what ""friend"" are they even to mock me as ""edgy"" while i constantly feel like ending myself..everyday when i walk home i feel like walking into the way of a speeding car....would anyone actually care abt someone so useless,pathetic,hypocritcal,douchy,dicky,retarded and edgy...would anyone even mourn?..i bet no one cares abt me...i cant think of words..i dont want to feel..i dont want to think...i dont want to exist..i dont deserve friends,families,a home,education,a relationship,food,water...im just a waste of space and potential..im worse than rubbish..so,if im (un)lucky enough,i might never talk again..who knows.. anyways cya",0.5427477840451225,2.8236794794520605,2.3881788879935577,93.23711925866242,86.39726027397259,5.353102336825141,21.259468170829976,6.794906146795322,0.4332817082997589,1096,37,241,14,34,362,140,292,0.129,0.659,0.212,0.9866,0,1,0,0,0,0,86.0,0,0,5,1,17,17,4,0,10,0,24,3,2,0,3,38,49,13,1,11,4,0,5,4,3,3,0,2,1,0,6,8,0,0,8,0,1,3,17,6,0,1,2,7,25,11,26,43,2,27,0,2,0,2,15,7,2,3,19,123,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.10962393509184708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055703666742876336,0.07854808913703412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906850336650775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060697766769520774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6582860003617387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049748268919936715,0.05803666652380046,0.0,0.18549251610415698,0.10161453222520332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040168747782336,0.1605060200192291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791869479103932,0.0,0.08679067625368468,0.0,0.029345516294907576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268237675687798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012911745436285,0.0,0.3640271474692999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030868521254277193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976359459317132,0.0,0.04959746523075823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069390716835053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595854825942797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129001951741024,0.0,0.04332030476549265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806096118201239,0.04271837442635426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120607047594239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933426207975541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765575200713805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04759105258398762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456776218248287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451457947050853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037315592759043184,0.07198050665909664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847297755284973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312940323931046,0.0891672537220543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724009695690755,0.11970062946796214,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MultilaneDee,2018/02/07,"Memories fading away as we grow older Why is everything so different? I can remember how things were so easier in the past because I didn’t have this feeling. I want to remember everything that made me happy. I just can’t seem to get those memories back. I’m afraid if I have amnesia. Or maybe I’m just lacking some sleep. Why is it so hard to remember? Why do I have a hard time remembering? Why can’t I find the things that make me happy again? I feel so void. I just want to reminisce, but it’s hard to remember. I am thankful for a wonderful childhood. There are so many things I just want to reminisce, but I just find it so hard to remember sometimes. I'm really thankful for having such good memories. I really miss it when my problems were just so small. I'm still 20 but I'm already overwhelmed with the amount of changes that has happened in my life.

I don't know. Is the present or future even good? This is just too heavy to bear, this depression, this anxiety...",1.7147032967032985,4.1101343897435925,3.462197802197803,86.77923076923076,82.02564102564101,8.021978021978024,25.183150183150182,8.841846274778883,2.1905457875457874,766,31,157,21,21,255,103,195,0.094,0.725,0.181,0.9498,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,0,23,11,0,2,6,0,19,2,1,3,0,37,39,16,0,6,13,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,15,2,0,0,13,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,6,19,6,16,35,3,16,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,6,11,106,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015010350944836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036362874876315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641723133705365,0.07072611870078507,0.0,0.05606950125833946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730151066394536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922131656830507,0.0,0.0,0.09609840384364643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060751214976154426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532946067903806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301462008357482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813414910707494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805519399006685,0.0,0.0,0.15429512307678414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813366629428958,0.19582656002575452,0.32958021468696874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050549213793120766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496743752767065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703268635605986,0.0613966491795423,0.09325219710522856,0.09240519675397042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780429514008865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801141280361424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784811404544135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6251651764293367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373416226179932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204535484856527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096951244491527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345449132673329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693636796982621,0.0,0.0,0.18332013969725267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363365303853727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275466583457102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33198670721732376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974722468855718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Adenidc,2018/02/07,"I think I'm finally done. I don't know how anyone can say suicide is for cowards. I have known it is the only way I'll ever have peace and I still haven't been able to do it for years. I can't do this anymore though. I've been looking up ways to do it, and I can't risk it failing and having brain damage. I hate that I have an ingrained fear of heights, but jumping will be the best way if I cannot find the gun in my house. I'm scared, but I just cannot do this anymore. I know for a fact that it will not get better, and it is time to end it. I can't hurt this bad anymore, it is too much for me to handle. It has been happening slowly over the years, but now all my joy is finally gone to me. I have never ever felt so fucking dead inside. The most pathetic part is what finally did it. Do yourself a favor and never let yourself fall in love with someone that doesn't love you back, it is one of the worst feelings you can experience.",2.5264632454923728,2.9106033106796114,4.239833564493761,90.8728155339806,74.14563106796116,7.050762829403608,24.908460471567267,6.868970318607317,0.724840221914008,726,21,173,6,14,246,110,206,0.168,0.672,0.16,-0.4619,0,0,0,1,0,1,20.0,0,2,0,3,10,16,2,3,9,0,37,4,1,1,6,27,52,12,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,18,6,0,0,7,0,0,3,11,10,0,1,7,4,19,6,16,41,6,25,0,3,1,3,5,5,1,2,14,128,37,1,0.12418705257760658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694805583015151,0.08683447465505795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954921778229024,0.1036910016056499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032664994791854,0.1098333560511109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863382180078132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708647161060815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999286791368948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466859779876644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147876704797712,0.0,0.1397449602055902,0.06279270518666141,0.0,0.11923904560498624,0.4081225376507827,0.11350471621777945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480892898449215,0.06488260934022662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981820046033808,0.0,0.0,0.12260900389547892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329518500171134,0.132944808282042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649991264930014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269896751908382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428584685676752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241673270750789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129177278994943,0.0,0.1915614216735913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841523608127685,0.09444984956818256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448247600161978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875852871302238,0.12433290423666987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522328664678814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917594060743216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584047914564107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957404883832625,0.12201314862539285,0.0,0.0724144690438244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957217057138408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994478045504654
suicidewatch,greensweet,2018/02/07,"How should I go about this? Want to OD I have been put on citalopram (20mg) for depression by my doctor. This is only the second day and I am feeling worse than ever. I have decided I want to overdose on these, but I don't know if I want to die or not. I just want to wake up in hospital, so that everyone in my life can see what I really have been feeling like. Can this permanently damage any of my organs? I have about 600mg in the packet. I think I might just take it all, wait a bit, then call an ambulance...",1.4658383838383848,2.7320693818181847,3.7657575757575783,89.83308080808081,77.9090909090909,7.4343434343434325,21.313131313131315,8.167268648758528,0.84410101010101,392,10,92,7,9,136,76,110,0.132,0.762,0.105,-0.8369,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,13,3,1,1,2,22,25,7,2,6,6,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,3,15,1,16,21,2,11,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,3,4,68,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515886868719993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330410256937745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179646475556749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376628543371111,0.0,0.18385120054501294,0.0,0.22153586952774712,0.0,0.0,0.21848347189968406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930851265566529,0.0,0.203968419561968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586171893342687,0.15249455225475494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131319155261927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731102239961945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077181121443364,0.1042848748561132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264453753948817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234454957932254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458440847983176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674676329406238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009851711017873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049397122924833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677536995477574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036126134424743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175321014231527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrumpyStumpySteve,2018/02/07,"hello i hate when people tell you that you have so much to live for and that there's so many people that will miss you. it's clearly projection. they are so used to having people in their life they can't understand the possibility of a completely solitary existence. it doesn't make sense. some people don't have anyone. not a single soul. a friend, a family member, a lover, a boss - any relationship of substance. they don't know what it's like to cling on to the smallest forms of human contact - like struggling to ask the cashier how their day went because it's the most you've interacted with another human being in days. they don't understand what it's like to have every single ambition and desire you've ever held wither and die. to the point where you don't get out of bed for days or muster the energy to have sex, or go to the LCBO for more booze, or shop for groceries sometime this month so you have something to eat. it's incomprehensible. some people don't have anything to live for at all. in the slightest. but that doesn't mean they should kill themselves. end this fucking ridiculous train of thought. some people are broken and useless, and still alive.",4.786483602290474,6.403604535398233,4.997360749609577,82.91226704841229,70.01769911504425,7.6185320145757425,26.12597605413847,8.124751697461798,1.5641039042165539,939,29,177,13,17,295,126,226,0.121,0.8079999999999999,0.071,-0.9393,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,7,0,10,12,4,1,14,0,20,6,0,4,3,31,35,15,2,2,5,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,1,2,14,7,2,1,5,1,1,2,9,7,0,0,3,0,13,5,28,29,10,18,1,2,0,3,22,8,1,7,11,119,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812365363738066,0.1358833453577065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906102947659668,0.0,0.10663911986826048,0.0,0.1211464206534727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899507715668505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586958095538687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071882560227965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449092302164406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325999275294477,0.0,0.0,0.11477568354509447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721892688399478,0.1091826983783065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221631598407978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011865144885056,0.11980116121361065,0.06770389733866562,0.0,0.07364732014455913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794040648098515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336889678718312,0.0,0.07121766654208336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153118228258073,0.18992909509182632,0.0,0.2288555199026441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650037774998938,0.13138095292513927,0.0,0.14115831267738566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034351656495518,0.0,0.09526140942367248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390361609392866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225016706001998,0.14608995443511946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391280202157649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976246014957592,0.12816492911863162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034884042061514,0.0,0.0,0.135472545480581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326481392700853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102877661257534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980942707157146,0.0,0.11192162450380884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012851531270745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,supplementandshaving,2018/02/07,"I'm in a negative cycle of hopelessness I've always been kind of vulnerable to ""doomsayers"" saying the end is nigh and all that but the last few days have been really bad. So the stock market went down on Monday, (which is no big deal for me) and I was reading some threads on reddit about it. I found someone doing a very ""we are all going to die"" post that was downvoted so I viewed their past comments seeing if they had said anything crazy on some other boards or were part of any weird communities, which people who post like often are, and that lead me to the apocalyptic side of the site with things like r/collapse, r/preppers and other such things. Now these subs are a bit infamous for the ""kill yourself to spare the pain type thing"" while trying to say they don't encourage it in the side bars but this has lead me to a ""negative news"" binge on places like r/worldnews which is a constant struggle between the optimists and pessimists.

Since then I don't really sleep or eat and can't really concentrate on things. My family noticed and tried to help but I can't really get any comfort because I have experts telling me to be afraid and that to ignore it is a weakness. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid all the time 

The thing is I am completely aware of the ""negative information"" trap where negative information is spread more often because ""nothing happened"" is not really news and I understand that many scientific reports are somewhat ""over-dramatic"" as a method to get the issues they feel are important addressed. Even with that I still can't ""cut myself off"" because I feel I should always stay informed but I can't accept the subs advice of ""just relax and die horribly""  

I don't know if this sub will be any good and I'm afraid that this will be just telling people what they want to here in spite of reality but i know that I need something.",6.885247252747256,6.5613749423076975,7.003604395604397,77.26639560439564,64.68681318681318,10.466813186813187,32.48571428571429,10.008157457239328,2.9932323076923075,1485,52,286,29,20,478,191,364,0.224,0.695,0.081,-0.9966,0,0,2,0,0,2,36.0,1,0,5,2,13,22,3,4,21,0,38,5,1,2,3,54,57,26,3,5,12,0,2,3,0,3,2,3,1,0,28,15,2,1,11,3,0,4,14,13,0,0,9,7,28,9,36,42,10,34,0,1,2,0,19,16,0,9,14,201,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009809868062815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197148097130638,0.0,0.0,0.2108207545940408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503861257039637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628316067169761,0.18898219817252945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281865478941755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834823720639286,0.1116719863157996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664465192147195,0.10653724555133964,0.0,0.0,0.2144976723589148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574087518698194,0.0,0.0,0.09152705777721568,0.0,0.0,0.06825396986588407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741814854540087,0.0,0.10450189479770698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133051076687252,0.0,0.0,0.10797998900218404,0.0,0.058729535018275776,0.08667525978755604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138171382539476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692654814950485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785833283582603,0.0,0.0,0.1143285136223179,0.10761093310270524,0.17037607476660518,0.08423450357490646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514576147413139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476881250269687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662403704942568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915588200977753,0.11765133485653427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099592327785124,0.0,0.0,0.11190530426647187,0.09864809645270672,0.1432835258085967,0.0,0.1079665248288174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793904434643347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336626075683644,0.0,0.33100579255764817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829838367663958,0.1643575212640606,0.0,0.0,0.08234724261496303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854825062753065,0.0,0.10341292562781704,0.0,0.08755820280989762,0.07955486887185409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014487388102498,0.08252609663027446,0.0,0.0,0.10803162407267204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806444509537573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432668601941317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025739139087963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031983928734718,0.0,0.0,0.10757881050089656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526491661759387,0.06095160435208372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579563564435198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gingasnappaz,2018/02/07,"Really don’t want to wake up. When I go to sleep at night, sometimes I don’t want to wake up. It’s been bad. I’m struggling and I don’t know how to get out of it. How to quit feeling this way. I’m just ready. ",-2.379733333333334,-0.770948439999998,0.6400000000000006,105.31666666666666,93.4,4.133333333333334,14.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-1.3248666666666669,158,3,46,1,6,55,32,50,0.13,0.722,0.14800000000000002,-0.2831,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,4,3,3,2,0,9,12,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,10,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728084272558704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520603408060086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070451954627286,0.0,0.18568990701171484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956392509371918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066168093684211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475207892128753,0.0,0.0,0.2093135415468276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269689865186761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231473151159857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34157229785893084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854312056389083,0.2593454661509105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EdgierDoge,2018/02/07,I wish I were brave enough to kill myself I fantasize constantly about killing myself and ending this shit once and for all but I can't bring myself to do it because I'm terrified of death and stopping to exist. Does anyone else feel that way?,3.8024999999999984,5.742980916666671,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,73.16666666666666,7.3000000000000025,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.4413999999999998,196,6,37,3,4,62,38,48,0.355,0.5770000000000001,0.069,-0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,8,7,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,7,1,6,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274058555238272,0.2531282292790375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059719118060666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669693913291008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161919676509308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637556517493386,0.0,0.21880978131638734,0.2552649687337309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249140817106357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466404726964667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630963510806553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535895773301571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065418506807304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609393161906175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840911655159913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_DiscoNinja_,2018/02/07,"I'm on WhatsApp with a girlfriend in another country that is having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of harming her children She's in Colombia.  I'm in the US.  I've been talking to her for a few hours.  I sent her a local number, but she's not calling it.

The conversation has lightened a bit, but she's very fragile, and I am completely out of my element.",3.0613145539906133,4.8870072676056395,4.813732394366198,81.62698356807516,74.91549295774648,7.550234741784037,35.77699530516432,8.344100000000001,3.130716431924883,280,17,53,5,6,95,50,71,0.081,0.9,0.018000000000000002,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,10,0,10,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,0,1,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30404047277976565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165530278650388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960739163667701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400967477889385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855448014199589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31716096869927063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330528325428288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603797865717361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487771509757005,0.0,0.0,0.2392411749310378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Last_Post88,2018/02/07,Just want to say goodbye. I just want to thank everyone who posts here to try and help people in need. I've posted here a few times with different accounts over the last few years and the friendly people on this sub have been the only thing keeping me alive for so long. However it's time for me to say goodbye. I've tried to be happy and be better but it's just not gonna happen. ,2.95804166666667,4.103089387500007,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,73.875,6.833333333333335,23.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7200833333333336,301,8,65,3,6,98,56,80,0.0,0.8220000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.8442,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,11,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,11,7,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823086351942454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153659953588738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969697231970597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925849781741108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822834789469204,0.21943331174505892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816717162884132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322123329795206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802659652826252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242196675252625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528456346421198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677407836890908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28581450781363743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948384869629116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278518153462306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978035012529126,0.0,0.0,0.13694616759525888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039660617403175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990270044007803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316616582444756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274343823944285
suicidewatch,Iwinxp,2018/02/07,"I just lost everything. For the last 6 months I've been very close with a girl. Not as close as we were in a relationship, but we were practically soulmates. Besides her I have basically nobody that I really talk to. If someone would ask some of my friends to nam some of their friends I'm the kind of guy whose name wouldn't pop up, even though they would pop up in mine. With her this was different tho. 

She was the one I could do anything with, and talk with no matter what. Same thing the other way around. 

I screwed up tho. I made a rude joke after which she obviously got angry. There is nothing more to say as she already told me things will never be thesame. I really hurt her feelings. To be honest, I didn't think this would ever happen to us. 

For if it matters I also developed a crush on her a long time ago, which isn't and has never been mutual. 

As she already told me things between me and her are never going to be the way they were before, I just don't see any point in it all anymore. I just feel so empty. 

I already did say goodbye to her so i'm basically ready to leave.",2.284385964912281,3.9134850222222255,3.7653099415204663,89.15926315789477,76.55555555555556,6.692397660818712,22.953216374269005,7.475848149327749,0.8034444444444442,850,25,185,11,19,281,130,225,0.122,0.7859999999999999,0.092,-0.7902,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,3,1,13,9,2,0,10,0,25,1,0,1,6,40,39,16,0,7,7,0,2,0,2,5,0,2,0,2,13,12,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,14,5,33,5,31,16,5,24,0,2,1,1,30,11,1,4,10,141,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612673811965867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963501387136105,0.09574200888213444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141537900187143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873251102003357,0.0,0.0,0.098521384465358,0.10657837300917523,0.1119243397783818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187499641485677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558864327803257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250844902160539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907555642299659,0.10829582029954464,0.0,0.0,0.10759882828220292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107054717291348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849945529132447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804103364477415,0.0,0.0957529889916292,0.0,0.0,0.11854405922132767,0.10587017695569953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281653707596913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246725198404554,0.0,0.09758978493542524,0.0,0.12676879973956065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059506106218244,0.0,0.0,0.13069120891840344,0.0,0.0,0.1132842874549078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556132622612308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770120279533223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487693035208033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112703807876845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131764234528636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339454849095305,0.0,0.0,0.12853711833438694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041621273895026,0.0,0.0,0.095403300972424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014404527706596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245675844185656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386148500205573,0.076713318887771,0.1176267101604684,0.0,0.06981112984629134,0.0,0.0,0.2287998843368593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401137965794442,0.0,0.0,0.09878356875277867,0.0,0.1900602339887054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25514220406733495,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,celticP1r4te,2018/02/07,"Just want happiness, no barriers, stability Sorry this will be long. I don't feel like myself and I have been depressed for quite some time. Sometimes more than other times. I was divorced over a year ago, while I was married it was the first time I seriously thought of killing myself as I was driving, angry & just stuck in the moment because I did not see a solution to the problem. I knew then what I was feeling was very real & it really woke me up. I was then living alone & working a dead end EMS job. I ended up in an unhealthy relationship shortly after the divorce, oddly enough he ends up being one of my best friends who has helped me through a lot as I did the same for him & gave me a lot of insights I was looking for. Though the intimate relationship was never meant to be. 

Fast forward a bit and I lost my job, had to move back in with parents. Moved back to my home state & saw my old doctor who prescribed anti depressants & told him I had previously held a gun to my head but set it aside & called the hotline. While I was still living alone & working my crappy job I had went through several episodes of intense suicidal thoughts, then suddenly I am fine & happy go lucky like I usually am. 

Tonight I learned my sister got engaged, 2 months ago. It made me happy for her & at the same time I started bawling because neither of my half siblings ever talk to me & it makes me so sad & upset. They're growing up so quick but most of the time I never know what is going on because they never reach out to me. We used to be so close & I had partially stepped in for parenting. I feel they were a little jealous of me because I grew up in a different home with loving parents. For the past few years it feels like they try to show me up, my brother had torn me down before when I simply just told him I was proud of him. I have gone through a series of bad relationships, some my sister thought I had the perfect life & she wanted the best for me. But they weren't meant to be. Now my sister has gotten engaged to a guy she's been with for a long time, it's very sweet, he treats her very well too. It makes me so sad & I'm mad at myself for not feeling more happy for her. Seeing happy couples photos on Facebook makes me sick & very sad & mad, but I do love hearing stories. It makes me wonder where I stand in their lives, brother & sister. After my divorce, my sis & ex were still facebook friends til I asked her to unfriend him. She would post relationship posts & my ex would comment Amen & she would like it. It was a stab to my heart. Now I feel bitter & have been for awhile. I just want to be happy. 

I just got a new full time job back home, in the psych unit of hospital where I handle a lot of suicidals ironically. I'm also working with victims of sex crimes & domestic abuse part time & a volunteer EMT ironically. Things are looking good, just feel so alone & depressed. Like I'm unworthy of anyone's love or marriage.  ",4.864493257938231,5.228505859504132,5.520367551109178,83.84141257068292,68.91735537190083,8.153545019573729,30.466507177033485,7.94452939551167,1.9319090909090904,2355,88,482,27,38,764,275,605,0.179,0.672,0.149,-0.9198,8,3,0,1,4,1,99.0,1,0,5,10,27,45,6,1,30,0,47,9,2,6,5,69,99,23,4,7,13,12,7,5,2,4,3,1,3,1,18,9,0,2,17,1,0,11,9,17,1,3,46,15,87,28,71,43,18,91,1,7,5,4,58,27,0,9,55,318,105,10,0.0,0.03646778649297866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456701066245643,0.0,0.0,0.09563250973586894,0.0,0.024613755741865587,0.0,0.8337190856374017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02152121806732641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028773976993381464,0.0,0.0,0.07100087807800955,0.025698971129143582,0.07504976277255593,0.0,0.02619044980605817,0.0,0.06460079973201968,0.0,0.03360242403838002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03142854564228558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03405610212753368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952907839665166,0.0,0.0,0.03215724346314853,0.0,0.03150335545552309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178251226685772,0.03180267705762736,0.0,0.0,0.02784114204245989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893862774081216,0.04397669116973908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02618038954458189,0.0,0.0,0.047559172740858434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034984546535226056,0.02581575572279737,0.04923315710859906,0.0,0.0,0.0304758021310693,0.0,0.196587314110173,0.0,0.0,0.03158787779447725,0.0,0.034689888867666496,0.03647296766542992,0.020630347744914825,0.0,0.09262078921991344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217264296073865,0.0,0.034052127297436875,0.0,0.016915196400773543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021739941790847168,0.07518471426377098,0.030848393978009838,0.08153460204147935,0.0544764514761236,0.05169279737007243,0.0,0.033598642137192165,0.07850097932739841,0.08333707232150761,0.02912359802517887,0.08218022012937293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02456730508959935,0.06542588186475454,0.0,0.0,0.07121540975806934,0.029726309132591687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032297121220880964,0.0,0.0208564779729042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252848039480532,0.033330387542066686,0.02938180014440125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058955070101619884,0.0,0.0,0.02945110757163331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032736989903843584,0.0,0.0350329565189553,0.019717655775001237,0.0,0.0,0.13217943811230132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049053358594006176,0.0,0.0,0.03477122736498507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030440971362798237,0.03445429141321496,0.02178535809832575,0.0,0.049159899989570224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733391514549023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02473879386106672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020448034265426247,0.0,0.030239966200972856,0.07330466989093794,0.14357869596955294,0.0,0.0,0.058820830402331575,0.0,0.02089675129317822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02658295830089933,0.03389844540654925,0.10158277065541657,0.05446231367714556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02767379317673335,0.028532210173539563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337824210173273,0.06722189104924707,0.0,0.0,0.06559302404115802,0.0,0.0,0.039641012542282965
suicidewatch,OrdinaryImplement,2018/02/07,"Everything keeps getting worst I've been depressed for maybe about 2 years now, I never really considered it that and please dont take offense to this, but I thought people would think i was weak If i said i was depressed and also americans tend to give medical names to every feeling in life. I only really thought about it as being depressed this year because I can tell i'm not happy with any aspect in my life. I'm adopted, yes i have a loving family, i know my adoptive family and my biological family but the only person i'm close to is my adoptive dad. other than that, I feel like i barley know my relatives, it's very lonely. My dad is not married so i'm all he has and i'm always scared because I know he will leave me one day, possibly soon. (he's getting older and might get sick and i've only turned 20), he's all i have, and without him i'd be more alone than ever. The worst part is that i'm failing college, my boyfriend hates me and being in my mind is like a prison. I constantly repeat all the bad things i've said or done towards people and I can't forgive myself. I'm sorry this is so long. It's a lot more complicated than this but I just had to get some of it out. I don't know what to do anymore, I hate my toxic self. Someone give me some advice ",2.5323113964687,3.8499765917603033,4.527372926698772,85.24910112359551,75.21722846441949,7.183092562867845,24.69930444087748,7.793537801064563,1.272476511503477,998,32,208,14,21,343,144,267,0.239,0.691,0.069,-0.9947,0,3,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,9,18,3,1,6,1,24,6,0,0,5,44,55,18,0,2,9,2,2,2,0,3,5,2,0,2,15,12,0,1,10,0,0,0,7,13,0,1,9,4,32,5,21,40,11,17,0,5,0,1,17,6,0,6,13,134,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027901377858207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894478483635504,0.0,0.08412014901789337,0.08752624025245036,0.0,0.0,0.07153258944479554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431989715788832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782898894674109,0.12824530507237505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367267466139765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783864141511871,0.0,0.2717991515046617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764556362198588,0.12328152143951343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515008769899133,0.0886268421156044,0.0,0.09453770163097756,0.0,0.29749040572452823,0.0,0.10637412551475932,0.07514752834367605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982906483055825,0.2018150519091677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197637025548432,0.0,0.20770606284355134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349742067546372,0.0,0.0,0.23123798851709176,0.0,0.0,0.1113806828310786,0.0,0.0,0.14859716349389446,0.10278072853349576,0.0,0.0,0.0930895565917853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942850423864668,0.09493779299564996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567717192083276,0.0,0.0,0.10596753599102328,0.0,0.11158962739438208,0.10621159049937078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112876588258898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127924943550831,0.24000447479407694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391017268014368,0.0,0.14585055886369785,0.09184757113996972,0.0,0.1154666806701993,0.0,0.11858555905566175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477440496863508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001189475723509,0.0,0.10531322007524792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973577716008197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891268744320526,0.0,0.0,0.1177512346502993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908954827311218,0.0,0.09194041666181063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988334927712549,0.06740129951148993,0.0,0.1670177120902829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441616576218301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679250227800113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139909772816832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747237305667987,0.0,0.0,0.13547741016236628
suicidewatch,OldDivide,2018/02/07,"I think I am ready to go. Well, I am 26M, I don't really have anybody to talk to, so I guess I just want to post here for somebody to hear my story. Sorry for the long post, kind of a lot to go through.

It all started about 2 years ago, woke up with neck pain and back pain. Being a construction worker, I'm used to having a few aches here and there, so I thought nothing of it. After a few months I finally got checked out. Turns out I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body. I have pains in my hands, knees, elbows, feet, back, and neck. So, basically every joint in my body.

After further testing, it was also revealed that I have Lupus, and that is also causing more pain and extreme fatigue. I wake up every day in pain and absolutely drained of energy. I have no idea what it's like to wake up feeling energized or even feeling normal.

As time went on the pain got worse, I now have a hard time making it to work, and am struggling financially, behind on every bill I have. I refuse to be put on pain killers, as I have seen first hand people go from pain killers to heroin and destroy their lives, I will not go down that path.

What has really put me over the edge has been these excruciating headaches that started over 3 months ago. They started as being every other day or so, but the last month, it has been one permanent headache. It has not gone away, It's there when I wake up and it's still going when I'm finally able to get to sleep. My doctor and the hospital have been unable to figure out the cause, and I'm currently waiting for the result of a CT Scan. I just don't know if I can wait any longer, it is unbearable, on top of all the other pain and fatigue.

On top of all this, my 2 year relationship just ended because I can no longer be happy due to the depression this has all caused, and she could no longer take me being so miserable and negative all the time (can't blame her).

It's no longer worth waking up anymore. I just can't keep pushing through all the pain. Everything has come crashing down on me. I don't know, I think I am really ready to call it quits and end it, it's just too hard now.",3.6586422578184568,4.3957530983981705,4.699237986270024,87.31619488939744,71.79176201372998,7.74886346300534,26.00831426392067,7.908726449838941,1.2805695499618612,1652,50,360,21,30,541,207,437,0.179,0.75,0.071,-0.9927,1,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,2,6,28,21,1,2,17,0,40,27,14,6,7,63,76,31,0,4,11,0,6,1,0,1,13,1,0,0,25,20,0,4,10,0,3,11,12,16,1,2,11,9,39,5,59,58,11,72,0,4,2,0,9,26,0,5,34,245,64,4,0.06485258951418076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497581524596208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037251848077902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044101984759697316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431634238742233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060931142665274024,0.09973527644991474,0.0,0.03953353662787136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407321396097894,0.0,0.0,0.06622174484817278,0.0,0.0,0.19986442169707075,0.0,0.0558647634257486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177951562383607,0.0,0.0,0.08364911023155504,0.0,0.05585744031913357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637937340727762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488029008235418,0.0,0.0,0.04283452373477767,0.0,0.2185644149397901,0.0,0.05828532573623375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558283572131147,0.0,0.0,0.14208568368650626,0.0,0.05516357951080144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03388280132923791,0.0,0.1842861057471038,0.0,0.10373708046258014,0.0,0.07144243889546167,0.0,0.0,0.06903678746684729,0.11619036371588068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309358172512047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321067967718363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764396135669761,0.0,0.06753399219366701,0.07128257431051112,0.052863516213875666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03168369940580007,0.0,0.05726602469554061,0.05739250092807305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055135352454408766,0.0,0.0,0.043289607089326325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529415466127364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635417682153599,0.06222780872286796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394579305301753,0.0,0.6900772769062615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496061986658677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422170768611147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038952973433726,0.0,0.06897871181136468,0.0,0.0,0.12463868846474008,0.0,0.0,0.06962741073413466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489942527872844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259716440141915,0.1377089899577505,0.0,0.05179136175952978,0.0,0.0,0.06779800756703587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048761076310315406,0.05212605487906902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310984145578959,0.0,0.05148571196971453,0.11344819942928555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054099450154777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601181492608681,0.0,0.0,0.038251737568119115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058310266456143525,0.06011900020993685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047213457556936865,0.0,0.06609032922667557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352588274292715
suicidewatch,StreetlightEyes,2018/02/07,"I’m so tired of this I just... I’m so tired. I’ve been fighting for so long. Probably upwards of 14 years. I can’t picture a future in which I end up even remotely happy. I can stop myself most of the time by imaging the pain I would put my friends and family through, but... sometimes it’s just too much and I realize that I’d never have to witness their pain. Because I wouldn’t exist anymore. 
I’m a little drunk. I think I was hoping it would give me enough courage to sneak out into the backyard and slit my wrists on the grass. The last time I tired I couldn’t bring myself to actually go through with it... I didn’t think I would be so hard to do. But self preservation gives you pause whether you want it to or not. 
I hope that wasn’t too graphic. I’m sorry for this, I just don’t have anyone who I can talk to who won’t freak out if I tell them I’m suicidal. It’s not something the average person it equipped to deal with and I can’t put my friends through that again. ",0.6959990886306642,2.6357210287081334,2.3498017771702,95.94194577352476,82.73205741626796,5.512052859421281,22.392572339940767,6.655083550727371,0.35822469810890833,761,26,178,8,21,249,115,209,0.174,0.742,0.083,-0.9498,0,0,1,0,2,0,24.0,0,2,2,0,11,10,1,0,8,0,19,7,1,0,1,33,33,13,1,9,10,0,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,2,14,9,1,1,3,1,0,4,11,4,0,0,4,1,28,6,24,22,3,21,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,5,10,119,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.12514425068607726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718013870171066,0.08966875481747233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817423200802365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221034729878872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358303880806335,0.13250674021788347,0.0,0.08470165540502023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089375115471515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815661857431466,0.0,0.0,0.24603998846983186,0.07288204403333176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651442043556247,0.11487831882739125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547435484173666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045331415745374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853069317328805,0.0,0.1134888265956152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427153931284303,0.0,0.09890699644795486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272913914361524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119746774607829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826497274229946,0.0,0.0,0.257834290031188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337828328054857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872581920459804,0.1268331554932082,0.14355476532398342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721481873535264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027431693673467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307487402749788,0.1120878687758365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434269691759634,0.0,0.0,0.14955615947979725,0.4421808457539673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563958255260167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27329516257319564,0.0,0.0,0.08258269172428633
suicidewatch,manueljenkin,2018/02/07,"My company fucked up my hearing. I want them to suffer like I do. They installed terrible alarm systems in the office that went off like 10-25 times a day - destroyed my left ear hearing and left me in a hyperacusis situation. My life is ruined. I've waited 2 months to see if it recovers.. nope. I quit, I'm gonna kill myself but before that I want to do something that will make them suffer.

The name of the company is Qualcomm. The office is in Bangalore, India.

Edit: I've tried multiple ENT doctors and none worked. Now I'm taking psychotic medicines and hopefully it might be able to help.

About seeking revenge, I keep getting a tendency to kill myself but I have learnt so much and have so much to give to the world that I wouldn't. It's just extremely painful. I'll create things for the world when I'm out of that company and I'll make sure they witness their downfall because of doing this to me... Especially the security/environment team.",2.879861861861862,5.25301634054054,4.428063063063064,81.62143393393396,77.48648648648648,7.570570570570571,27.575075075075077,8.515128840125781,2.268147147147148,753,32,141,16,18,251,114,185,0.181,0.722,0.097,-0.9623,0,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,5,3,6,14,4,1,10,0,12,5,1,2,1,21,31,11,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,10,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,10,0,0,1,4,20,4,19,25,3,17,0,3,1,1,11,10,1,3,7,88,30,4,0.15826507397217887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964769201301328,0.0,0.13467192117682816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206787976915868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619910094759211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631351063785325,0.08268696900042698,0.1518222802239133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567524814437267,0.0,0.10608174299897144,0.0,0.0,0.15719292881448693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067326958736653,0.3501937108573806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343910931896258,0.0,0.11178730220084178,0.15464064173026634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211286331649739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789423306223022,0.0,0.0,0.12632567210771273,0.0,0.2326860791647134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840519722378725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833438740243564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611677330762394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789657419138746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218401860757178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916295922856312,0.0,0.11899563929560095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514428271398313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228563736718813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074515964348088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669768227092884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671330916213587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521885877967987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway327672,2018/02/07,"What do you do when all of the regular distractions stop working. For about two months now I haven't gone a single day where I haven't had some sort of suicidal thoughts. Before that they would only ever really come when I was feeling down or depressed but at some point it progressed to any time that I was alone with myself.

I could keep myself distracted by playing computer games, watching YouTube, watching movies, etc. But as soon as any of that stopped, my mind would drift back to those thoughts of suicide.

It's always the same, I think about my martial arts belt, I imagine how the noose is to be tied, and then everything else that follows. If it's not that, it might be on the same stretch of road that I drive looking at that same pole at the end of a nice long straight stretch. If it's not that it's looking at every single car that passes me going the other way.

Then it progressed to if I'm not actively trying to distract myself my mind would just snap back immediately to those thoughts. Like one of those stupid videos that loop automatically. Over and over.

Now it has progressed to the point where even as I'm trying to distract myself, I still have those thoughts rolling around in my head. It's like the little video is stuck on loop in another browser tab or something and never goes away. I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone and trying to pay attention but I just keep on thinking about it.

There have been so many events that just keep on chipping away at me. I honestly don't want to die but I just feel like I'm losing the battle. I'm not a religious man but I try and be spiritual. I just can't manage to convince myself that any of this matters.",5.1560288513881325,5.963385032934134,5.204561785519871,84.78892759934678,68.4311377245509,7.988894937397933,29.85247686445291,8.00094639256281,1.849717365269461,1347,49,270,16,22,421,170,334,0.139,0.779,0.08199999999999999,-0.9537,0,1,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,1,1,5,24,15,2,4,14,0,25,1,1,1,3,62,48,24,3,8,19,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,29,9,0,5,10,5,1,8,9,8,0,2,10,6,28,7,48,29,9,57,0,2,4,0,5,28,0,9,23,197,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914733575131752,0.0,0.0,0.08768896965774488,0.0,0.0,0.2149967500239675,0.11050562260504884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381521485143536,0.0,0.0,0.19802582158391627,0.1620695033440545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967508516785302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078006082823584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414154629395422,0.0,0.0,0.06796476749732709,0.0,0.09076816080354767,0.0,0.10937325059308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880358530541754,0.0,0.09334005088469363,0.0,0.11753241030721046,0.06960596325374167,0.0953269914154119,0.08879161776767179,0.0,0.09471346679488668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657189704171872,0.0752872431601865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059892865783836825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108155669431697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810137552249751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445772878703606,0.10562370550159966,0.0,0.09326262935418914,0.1769941349252258,0.11789913746907806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068441019259446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117970956193458,0.21281811968015865,0.0,0.08411750056101948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127960105826057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141177232049714,0.08015023093736975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924624823149364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751248924807096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929257974774142,0.08113071357213995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416079622634287,0.17621357451550385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054871604229266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505322496907207,0.0,0.334656465205148,0.0614509863552472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861986664335546,0.0,0.102946075494973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621589504775216,0.08364990561841969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767217166260223,0.0,0.0,0.22458797236644956,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PMme_slave_leia_pics,2018/02/07,"Your whole life leads to death. Why prolong? I guess this is my cry for help...right? 
My situation is that I’m 40. My wife is leaving me. She’s mostly without emotion. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s how she deals. 
I’m unemployable and jobless. 
I’m massively obese. Truly beyond help. 
I hate myself. 
I have no way to provide for my daughter(9) 
Her step mother does that. I leech. 
I haven’t got one friend to call. Not a single one, not in this state. California. Not mental state. 
I’ve written a letter to my child. I made it positive. As positive as I can. 
I have $10 in my bank account. 
I have a nice car with 1/8 of a gallon. 
I have my 9mm Springfield Xd-9. 
I have 10 mg of Xanax. 
I have three beers. 
Oh...I’m an alcoholic. 
 

So stop me I guess? Prolong my suffering? 
Tell me how being depressed and useless around my child is better for her? Tell me how it’s better for her that I’m around? Tell me not to? 



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suicidewatch,ELTH3GR3AT,2018/02/07,I tried the door method 5 mins ago I attached my makeshift belt noose to the door but I regretted it and I was struggling to get the door unlocked in time for me to live so I wouldnt lose conscienceness 10/10 would not try this again. As I think about whether or not to post this i worry that this is going to happen again and im going to succeed. All day today I was thinking about different ways to off myself and my depression is getting to be erratic with it fluctuating rapidly. Also what is the best anti depressant? I've tried lexapro and trazodone legally and cannabis and ketamine illegally.,3.9814655172413778,6.131051456896555,4.3960689655172445,84.20582758620691,73.22413793103449,7.398620689655173,30.565517241379307,8.238735603445708,2.3217613793103453,483,22,90,8,10,152,77,116,0.175,0.7120000000000001,0.114,-0.8425,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,18,15,12,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,0,12,2,15,10,2,13,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,63,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178829540567135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133068597719494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171273991549308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010503051931152,0.0,0.347515183716086,0.0,0.0,0.2107744222967658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080070732694114,0.0,0.2293059600623684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783972205327017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179128474050554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781393219870105,0.0,0.0,0.2256944508670344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321029267285345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090151035056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585325397754594,0.0,0.0,0.1176356919856404,0.0,0.19122507876969347,0.0,0.0,0.4109028207047309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013110798694394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048758494526747,0.0,0.14330966898967848,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thr0w4w4y______,2018/02/07,"End is near I’m almost certain I’ve got a paranoia disorder, mixed in with depression. Definitely social anxiety. I thought everything was getting better. But really it’s just got worse, I don’t want to go to a therapist because I physically can’t I can’t do it I can’t trust anyone my friends would just make fun of me, my mum doesn’t think anything is this bad. Even now it took me a lot of courage to write this, I feel worthless and pathetic. I’m in mental and physical pain, only reason I’m still alive is because I’ve been too scared of it messing up and then me ending up fucked up for life. But it’s nearly at the point I’m willing to run that risk, I feel like I’m being watched. Constantly, it prevents me from sleeping at night. 4am, still up when I’m supposed to be awake in three hours. Everything about me is disgusting and ugly and repulsive, I’ve felt like this all my life. All 16 years, been bullied as soon as I entered my first school, first for being too fat. Starved myself ended up being too skinny, and was bullied for that. You can’t win in this world, people will either lie to you to spare your feelings, or just put you down. I’m unlovable, personality wise I could be loved. Honestly. Nearly threw up saying that about myself, but physically I have a fucked up out of proportion messed up bone structure which I was picked on constantly for, ridiculously skinny arms, girlish boney hips. Always was reminded in school how almost every girl had bigger arms than me. Disgusting spots and acne that cover everywhere except my face which disgusts me and just adds more fuel to the suicidal fire. Never had a girlfriend, never will. Would not want to burden any girl with my physical appearance, not that it’ll matter for too much longer. All I’ve ever done is look out for people, be there for anyone and everyone. But never had anyone there for me, never had someone I could trust with anything. Never had anyone to rely on. I’m pathetic, what am I doing wrong?? What is it. I’m probably gonna push myself to go to a concert that I want to go to even though I have ridiculous social anxiety, and then I’ll end it all. Sorry for excessive punctuation. Also I probably messed up and wrote a few things that didn’t make sense too. I’m sorry",2.604413687436164,4.964887062921349,4.025778855975485,84.2132545965271,78.37078651685394,7.011746680286008,24.046220633299285,8.07648339933343,1.5742696629213482,1793,62,338,33,44,591,215,445,0.192,0.722,0.086,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,4,0,4,25,32,7,2,9,0,44,15,9,5,11,67,80,24,1,7,13,1,5,2,2,7,4,2,0,3,25,17,3,1,7,1,0,10,14,19,0,3,20,9,37,13,61,45,9,61,0,2,2,3,16,27,2,5,26,234,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975637948893493,0.0,0.0,0.06778517146354124,0.07052984656279479,0.0,0.0,0.05764194307020494,0.0,0.12968736791500204,0.0,0.0,0.23707384961437206,0.0,0.13950592883488025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077380561888842,0.10334182826846827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496624076594832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319800505829265,0.0,0.13535317777895087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300649647553334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714607256092804,0.0,0.0,0.08674227367159965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30030045935107874,0.0,0.0,0.11197070571824952,0.07667324754827966,0.07141672666082126,0.08099495494034101,0.1523595568871806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857659707251182,0.06055491048587985,0.08138604994793729,0.0,0.0,0.14419922037686378,0.0,0.0,0.06548790669560205,0.15672458935565864,0.04428531994468905,0.0,0.14451879126054867,0.0,0.13558589072294516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347476524596881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974163531601595,0.08282212273909226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117981444823725,0.0,0.0,0.07206271701034725,0.07650217756047288,0.0,0.11316030700073255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542145861534843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231077028855277,0.0,0.32687336923327465,0.0,0.0,0.07954460455641017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446630074511285,0.09019411558507323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752838358056278,0.07401203434516415,0.0,0.0,0.08012870587274938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277832351730186,0.0,0.0,0.08521051706459577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054301533320824234,0.08715077823633148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740716943717913,0.08486283920704721,0.17156994721007934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482450387639108,0.17281099696535368,0.07181965956932744,0.0,0.0,0.18977112437393315,0.0,0.0,0.13538414392630135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271728035566032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984167114765337,0.056312962690887085,0.05431289289894151,0.08327950092143363,0.06729258319002747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417513275034084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998675170190284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638103286128118,0.12042681683287285,0.0926753499857154,0.0,0.054584778941244465
suicidewatch,Throwaway47704770,2018/02/07,"Making my 7th suicide attempt tomorrow morning Mid 20s male

I'm not unattractive, but not a male model or anything. I take care of my hygiene and wear nice clothes. I keep my space clean and organized. These things are all so hard but I make sure every day things are taken care of.

People tend to like me but I isolate myself. Many people care about me but I never do anything social because I feel out of place doing anything with anyone. 

I have a very loving family who will do anything to help. It hurts me to know how much stress I've caused my family and others, and how much pain my death will cause to my family and so many others.

I have increasingly severe depression and anxiety I've lived with since probably birth or very early childhood. They've led to other mental health problems. I've learned very well how to hide them so I appear to the casual onlooker to be doing ok.

I've made 6 genuine suicide attempts in the past few months. I've tried so many therapists and so many psychiatric medications. Still working with a therapist and using several medications.

I'm so young and if I keep fighting I know I can pull through this and create a decent life for myself and do a lot of good in this world.

But I'll likely continue trying to kill myself until it works despite all the professionals and everyone else who have tried to help.

I'll probably fail my attempt tomorrow and end up in another mental hospital. I've been spending lots of time in those lately.

I feel so guilty. But I'm just exhausted.",2.9508163265306138,5.49946952380953,4.246285714285714,82.07371428571432,78.25170068027211,7.321360544217688,25.106122448979587,8.344100000000001,1.9694783673469387,1216,45,218,25,30,399,162,294,0.197,0.6459999999999999,0.157,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,2,3,22.0,0,0,1,6,14,21,2,1,8,1,15,8,1,10,4,54,36,33,4,2,12,0,3,2,0,2,6,0,1,2,13,17,0,2,5,1,1,4,3,9,1,0,3,3,27,12,28,30,8,30,0,3,0,1,10,10,0,6,18,136,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979956787224516,0.06551331561165935,0.0,0.0,0.05988051952460345,0.0,0.28189317409687226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220451243698106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619428646643418,0.17594892131556064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552298300115522,0.0,0.07376042435278438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154008434289598,0.0,0.07585040504749761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721542372075663,0.08183137851076501,0.0,0.0,0.2421974290094152,0.0,0.08660292640380547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182961762504943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671538907281474,0.0,0.0,0.09102985635832216,0.0,0.0,0.11480353361729585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167792192733416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223909390595838,0.0947464528777838,0.0,0.09412950002832757,0.0,0.0966041019427162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048909521747576,0.08367741521579719,0.0,0.07562047702879103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561379721814668,0.07729220484732642,0.08103333996792106,0.11432889766272565,0.3472965069637853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725438150718312,0.17260718814012588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683559354067453,0.0,0.1259084897950911,0.0,0.06604978895912585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112553760073423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175176013322125,0.11874208275840695,0.0,0.08947413845389791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846658496979765,0.08194460073994649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934945459508628,0.0,0.07084115760871014,0.0,0.0,0.08729779597945775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839111852182242,0.0,0.09809875842467576,0.0,0.0,0.1873495174819543,0.0,0.08071339289936871,0.0,0.06438958999908494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988660941796451,0.1137889975595354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993657236561565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442901975585878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396427788515374,0.0,0.2119825093972014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699941088162973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469188149922927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuccessfulSolution,2018/02/07,"drunk ramblings I sued to have so much hope for the future, when I wasl ike 13 I was thinking ""oh man I'm gonna be a famous twitch streamer and im gonna have a popular youtube and I'm gonna b e agrphica designer too"" and now I'm 19 and I just wnana fucking die. Every day I just struggle to get through the day at work and then come home to fucking wallow in how much I hate myself and then do it again 6 days a week. And then the one day of fi'm just hungover because I get shitfaced the day before. I used to think it was just a phrase and that one day I would feel better but that was 2 years ago and I'm still not better and I sitll just want to die. I don't even want to get fixed or get help anymore I just want out. Nothign is ever oging to go the way I want it and I'm goign to be fucking miserable as long as I'm a live and it's horrible, I really wish I could just die and try again in a nother life and hope I get osmething bette rthan what I have but I know i can't so I'm just stuck like this until I find the courage to acutlaly fuckign kill myself but hwo knows how long that will take.",0.2563849929873747,1.797602120967742,2.2708625525946715,97.98661991584856,82.2258064516129,5.4420757363253855,20.056802244039265,6.280692351149826,-0.17118008415147254,858,23,216,7,23,287,131,248,0.152,0.71,0.13699999999999998,-0.8709,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,3,20,14,5,2,12,0,15,6,0,3,1,48,51,29,4,9,13,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,9,16,1,0,6,1,0,2,3,7,0,2,4,1,22,7,19,39,2,29,0,1,0,3,2,4,3,3,23,123,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687704878480104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838414019151914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662083410047431,0.0,0.09299587618066384,0.0,0.0,0.19331237207183516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414177060053827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872574227964851,0.0,0.0,0.4228895745790587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402704748122283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218356724239032,0.09885708024418813,0.09207969277472536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525920005026637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988707767059764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30310445562672805,0.2854918480304999,0.0,0.06211078049285735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789908563556166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325331480203733,0.0,0.10962458338609188,0.21709490763577485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804958779150472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209107685163981,0.0,0.12012344359920715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719321164498723,0.05339250322256728,0.0,0.09650313774724628,0.19343254406664234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606782291206301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811249577579202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001256903196898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727738558018976,0.0,0.0,0.11425134707735354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217083146413667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005443054238093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419924858980533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438957776488267,0.0,0.0,0.2578431256042936,0.0867475759945355,0.0876640883813747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567558703371431,0.0,0.0,0.07956282669112259,0.0,0.0,0.07763492401768349,0.0,0.0,0.07037776596730247
suicidewatch,denkdark,2018/02/07,"Is it even worth it? I just want it to end. My life has been a mess. I cut myself twice and attempted suicide. I try to be good, to be nice, but I never get anything in return. I see rude people getting everything while I get bullied. Life isn't fair, but howcome it's never unfair in my favour?",-0.3862903225806456,1.8144877096774223,2.087338709677418,93.90100806451612,91.258064516129,4.390322580645162,19.04032258064516,5.985473137389443,-0.0750064516129032,226,7,49,2,8,77,44,62,0.253,0.561,0.18600000000000005,-0.7828,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,2,7,11,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,9,3,5,8,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512473460676607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423017493891573,0.0,0.0,0.18069035215262266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458670043308948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287869762721288,0.0,0.0,0.22945746957587165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386461050036152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219879749240397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896589369592516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799980713403733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992410904375894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573601817337876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135862685036628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zachhodge,2018/02/07,"I have a plan to kill myself tomorrow night by partial suspension. Everything is ready, my note, my room is clean, I distanced myself from everyone, I have the rope already tied. Just waiting for the right time.",4.019210526315792,6.925143289473687,4.262368421052631,81.4240789473684,76.63157894736842,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,3.0712947368421046,167,8,28,4,4,52,31,38,0.115,0.758,0.127,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463453915764011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864907464082988,0.3635137454372178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474888234646585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795699819872077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454172508132291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358511304330511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhyNotLetMeDie,2018/02/07,16 I am 16. I am a gay guy and I want to die. Everyone says it gets better but it doesn't. Things get worse and worse people you used to consider friends suddenly start ignoring you and you're alone left to ponder what you did wrong to make them leave. You're so depressed you don't remember what happiness feels like you're so depressed you don't know how to be happy. I just want friends I just want someone to care about me and to listen to me I want a hug I want to be told everything will be okay but it won't nothing ever gets better,0.850101449275364,2.9439700608695687,2.512717391304349,94.1166123188406,83.17391304347827,6.268115942028986,20.88768115942029,7.492282038375204,0.6131594202898554,427,13,97,7,12,140,64,115,0.185,0.502,0.313,0.9451,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,5,1,2,7,14,0,0,2,1,11,2,0,3,1,22,27,9,1,5,4,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,15,10,10,20,0,4,0,2,0,2,12,1,0,0,4,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151202373222819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582338830448256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884728436565647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514832127068425,0.0,0.15151533423085106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205697816611695,0.0,0.13950040383234327,0.13120705931087892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381730227607175,0.10429581043700588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255841598257661,0.0,0.2288224008771567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455378053385104,0.0,0.31081970473278464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023269010897116,0.0,0.0,0.15458310923771088,0.15861936101845284,0.0,0.0,0.07132369896906217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744994941982296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400820478697551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121159387845463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537904385172106,0.0,0.0,0.11609769231439104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369747622431873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333299382418064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698975747515068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950040383234327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260891215805347,0.0,0.0,0.4305455907166976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975540631260189,0.0,0.15961795099254886,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cryptorekt23,2018/02/07,"It doesn’t seem to make any sense anymore I wasted my life. I’m 28 and since 8 years I’m living like I already gave up. My family sees me as a failure, they never reach out to me. Only my father who has not a lot of empathy and probably feels guilty after he didn’t care for my life, my feelings my whole life. 
My mother was extremely unhappy and probably depressed as well. She emotionally neglected me and I lost the love and the trust to her I had. She died 9 years ago. 
My life consisted of the avoidance circle of weed, internet, games, isolation and porn. No luck with women. Only girlfriend cheated on me, because I couldn’t get it up and was lost. Can’t blame her. This was at age 25 btw, after some years of suffering. I didn’t manage to do a lot of exams and lied to my father. Will only write one on Monday, but even this is too much and thinking of it extremely stressful. If i fail it Im done at my college. Completely useless. I managed to stay away from weed since 8 weeks and from tobacco since 4 weeks, I did NoFap for 4 months without relapse. Nothing seems to help. Still no libido and pointless to even hope for a relationship. Medication what also fuck my libido and every chance to not being alone.
The worst thing is that I have no clue how I could ever be loved, either by a woman or by myself. My dreams of becoming a husband and a father bursted like a bubble. It’s devastating. 
At the weekend I might end it. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t think anything knows how pointless my life feels and how much I hate myself. More or less I lived in this state for 8 years. Unable to socialize with new people to not embarrass myself. There was a time when I saw myself as smart and decent looking. But that time is long gone :’(",2.188212634822804,4.2296347909604535,3.893636363636365,86.25359784283516,78.20903954802259,6.6637904468412925,23.156651258346173,7.686295010490155,1.1475548022598865,1372,44,274,21,33,459,196,354,0.207,0.69,0.103,-0.9904,0,3,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,3,12,25,3,3,14,0,25,10,0,4,2,55,51,29,1,5,11,5,3,2,1,2,6,0,0,2,14,18,0,2,8,3,0,1,15,15,1,1,14,6,43,10,45,31,10,35,0,8,3,4,23,10,1,11,24,192,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527421948512882,0.0,0.0,0.09963269658262658,0.10615750350465462,0.07692995397782743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541831984549136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540312256961116,0.06726427014346903,0.0,0.07916321854163777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038171413706504,0.0,0.0,0.05864174952300461,0.10624375199924793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808084360221722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086236030098143,0.0,0.0,0.0768067227128572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285567909149594,0.0,0.0998389178772454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844452669235244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821043245177384,0.08520337124847638,0.0,0.0,0.12707648371742847,0.08701710533242893,0.08105143612742936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068744127071963,0.0,0.14592264770967134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893401894549732,0.050259777347774384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497616232272277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447986724201482,0.0,0.0,0.0955468763502489,0.0,0.0,0.10298254850942534,0.0,0.10391095296289718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286821297344973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33973944061812594,0.0939955148463599,0.0,0.1698901825042667,0.08513269874140493,0.08078256249006348,0.0,0.21002418488579488,0.1635691518787403,0.17364591316542494,0.0,0.06421328604564681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690992897788553,0.0,0.10205147042745584,0.0,0.0,0.07678477310504403,0.0,0.14143402125049126,0.0,0.07419426021580063,0.09290916906318578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230511317116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651866341497009,0.21949002011936009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666919692369898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074366371396341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032812525385826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665779775079415,0.17515111280376258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872932969680516,0.0,0.0,0.09806231773388367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253486573603997,0.07682429458174171,0.0,0.11019512589073507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063910048977233,0.1232803063237972,0.0,0.0,0.11218830832820516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567404033290539,0.0,0.15432936505328185,0.0,0.08649405876149517,0.0,0.0,0.10740225721216712,0.0,0.09273197934970286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477948755561321
suicidewatch,InvalidRabbit,2018/02/07,"Least painful OD Which substance is the least painful for overdose on? I have access to the dark web so I can acquire things like Fentanyl and maybe even Cyanide. I'm sick and tired of awakening to a grim reality everyday and I'm ready to declare my brain the winner in this battle with depression. My family will be devastated but they'll soon join me in the nothingness that awaits us all beyond the grave... I'll probably leave a note absolving them of any guilt. My reasons for choosing suicide are strictly neurological i.e. depression has completely shattered my will to live. I was living a decent life until my brain decided to self-destruct. 

The worst part of my day is waking up, and the best part of my day is, well... there is no best part of my day. It's all bland and miserable. ",3.285518763796908,5.8308303112582776,4.121430463576163,83.44382339955854,77.01324503311257,7.7352759381898455,27.94746136865342,8.648137234880735,2.365961236203091,631,27,118,14,15,202,101,151,0.241,0.608,0.151,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,2,3,6,14,1,2,10,0,13,9,3,1,2,12,15,8,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,1,0,15,4,19,10,10,11,0,5,0,0,3,5,0,0,7,84,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975673365850081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30113452102437144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203291847249934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042990831141698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775868570587635,0.0,0.2471481367602428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476331773867892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525465232661846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191840048282398,0.0,0.0,0.10134002961947243,0.07009421868489016,0.0,0.2533805921343094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413906000297638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305333205806682,0.0,0.0,0.4661055434146002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468939162352813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751531369220586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967482078721447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693742469245855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531784482471384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649024204772013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258172747479414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900048432484906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darksentinel87,2018/02/07,"I'm dead This is a throwaway account. In a couple short months I'll be dead. This post is simply just a record of sorts and serves to prepare myself mentally.

I failed to enlist. I'm almost 26 years old and I remember the day when the twin towers fell. I was nine. Enlist. Train. Fight. Kill. Die. These words have been in my head since that day. Long story short; I didn't make it. 6 attempts for the Army, 4 attempts for the Marines. And for good measure 1 attempt each for the Navy and Airforce. Had open heart surgery when I was 7, fully recovered but the re recruiters didn't care. Also was slapped with a juvie record when I was 15, in the eyes of the Military I was corrupted. I've let everyone down. I can never repay the debt if those who died for me nor support those who made it in. I'm a irredeemable disgrace.

College. I 've tried once before but thanks to my parents' crashed credit score and their incompetence I was kicked out. I was 19 at the time. Tried to enlist a few more times as mentioned above but didn't make it. I'm currently attending another school now. School is expensive and I'm having great difficulty covering the costs, it's my second year and yet somehow I'm hanging on. To add salt to injury I'm useless at taking tests. Don't have a home to call my own though. I'd rather die than live with either my parents again or live with my younger siblings. Besides I'm on the other side of the U.S. from them. After this semester I'll have no place to go and I'll gladly die than be a homeless bum. Tried to find a place to stay but no luck. I'm a forgotten vagabond.

I suck with people in general. I'm polite and professional so I have no problems at talking to people yet I am unable to foster real relationships. I don't mean the romantic kind ( that's included). I mean actually friendships, contacts, relatives, or whatever. And yes that means I suck with girls so I'm a virgin lets hear the jokes. Note that this aspect of myself is a very minor reason why I'm killing myself, see prior reasons above. 

I've lost all will to live. Barely drag myself to work. Don't follow a regular exercise routine. Cannot focus to study. I am worthless. Don't give a damn what family thinks or what everyone thinks. I'm done with failing at life. I've the plan in place I will die. Goodbye.
",1.2426978205379908,3.734032209503241,2.8572377773414486,89.57132299234243,85.4362850971922,5.78627920675437,22.24107598664834,7.2051791320715415,0.9247446220302372,1815,64,364,28,55,595,252,463,0.21,0.7070000000000001,0.083,-0.9965,5,0,0,0,1,2,61.0,0,0,2,8,14,22,6,0,30,1,36,6,3,5,2,53,69,27,9,3,11,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,20,20,0,0,9,2,5,5,13,12,0,2,15,4,32,10,49,48,6,48,0,5,2,1,15,21,3,8,20,212,52,10,0.0,0.0,0.08358678037738765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577096216453069,0.0,0.0,0.0684981547605943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981658144361221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288597087252051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746318139673344,0.0,0.0873308309277121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477546533488083,0.0,0.11048058788894508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444810697440999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765465304515511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369376483217646,0.0,0.0,0.0807477720420117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828698360233466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216793966776627,0.048679626708148516,0.0718432265805788,0.0,0.0944347774935974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790659029920336,0.0,0.09653924420171137,0.10150141286546344,0.0,0.0,0.0859188011312294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895288073879698,0.08919634816664393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517578036592085,0.06050055557928812,0.0,0.0,0.22690441262002264,0.07580184924140898,0.0,0.0,0.09350239000481674,0.0,0.0,0.08104869267557123,0.11435055860058745,0.0,0.0,0.2799097355232779,0.0,0.0,0.08631994528857917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683688862328234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606230285896814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988035921501747,0.09121962265705012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021915471725373,0.0,0.0,0.11876457982545473,0.0,0.26847327110664304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203367170158574,0.0,0.0,0.08196012609653636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749397461009693,0.0,0.176134908749159,0.0,0.09196125636959138,0.09703025069722868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337456766018555,0.06825582783337739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085457928900613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129667624093868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720011179179308,0.0,0.0,0.06440178935494711,0.06884612605476964,0.0,0.0788594802768177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976834204183693,0.08415545788756497,0.0,0.0998920668587626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446206736005573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706742239820944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729018180466128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235775291238471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031783367255232
suicidewatch,Philbatross,2018/02/07,"I think my funeral would be nice I don't think I could ever kill myself. I think about it often though.

What I think about more is how my friends and loved ones from across the span of my life would enjoy seeing each other. In the context of a funeral they'd all tell nice stories about things I did they found funny, they'd recognize each other from stories I've told, and hell, maybe they'd stay in touch afterwards.

And from wherever I am I could be happy that they finally received something nice from me.",4.7175530410183875,5.784429128712876,4.874766619519097,85.81178217821783,69.5940594059406,8.147666195190949,26.309759547383308,8.418075326091056,1.6054769448373405,406,12,81,6,7,127,63,101,0.125,0.655,0.22,0.872,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,5,0,7,9,2,0,3,0,13,2,0,1,2,18,21,5,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,2,18,7,12,9,4,9,1,0,1,1,10,4,1,1,3,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31596395830906443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789834800282957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216755383358452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695271065685692,0.1528727922052152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210634807743598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189122930649463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976044629937212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858413993608455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987856075317065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408088658973935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767565882968002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232891793512338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109016040416501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294588084291188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145510794716164,0.5071448460734869,0.1944048982737042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907193008655207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112035755242176,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SolitaryOrchid,2018/02/07,"I feel pathetic Suicide has been a constant on my mind for years now. I'm sorry to say I have tried more times than I care to admit. It always seems like when things are starting to turn around life kicks me in the balls again. I just wish it could let up. I wish the constant stream of shit could get better.

I won't waste your time with my entire sob story. I'll try my best to concisely hit all the important details.

My fiance is going blind. With help from reddit, his family, and friends we were able to get surgery on one of his eyes, hopefully saving it. The second eye is in really bad shape and if we can't get a large sum of money together soon his retina risks detaching, becoming an emergency and causing permanent blindness. We don't have the money. I don't know if we can get the money. I don't know what to do.

I've watched his vision deteriorate for months. He is legally blind now. Even simple tasks he needs assistance with. He has lost all independence and relies on me completely for most things. He can't monitor his blood sugar or draw up the right amount of insulin without me. He needs me. He is going through so much. It is heartbreaking to watch the person I love suffer like this.

Through all of this I feel pathetic. I'm not the one going blind. But I am breaking. No one told me how hard being a caretaker would be. But as hard as it is for me I know this mist be harder still on him.

He needs me. He depends on me. I have a purpose which I know is not something everyone can say. I know how privileged that makes me. I have a reason to keep living. Many do not. But yet I can't shake the suicidal impulses.

I want to die. I've been under so much stress for so long. It would just be really nice for it to be all over, you know? But I can't leave him like that. If I die who will take care of him? How will he live day to day life without being able to monitor his blood sugar, cook for himself, give himself the correct amount of insulin, and everything else he needs assistance with? I am selfish for being suicidal. I am selfish for seeking an end to my own pain when it could possibly mean death for him.

I don't know what I need here. I know you can't give me any more reason to live than I already have. I need to keep going. But I don't know how to. I just wish for once someone would acknowledge how hard all of this is. I wish everyone wasn't constantly telling me it's my own fault and refusing any help. I wish people would acknowledge that I didn't choose these hardships, that they're not a moral failing on my part. But even my therapist blames me. I feel so beat down. I don't know what to do. I am absolutely terrified of dying. But sometimes I'm more terrified of living.",1.702554622968293,3.7769128219424495,3.2604476418864934,90.0256261657341,79.95323741007195,6.852331468158806,22.526512123634426,7.921354282810032,1.0792925393018915,2123,68,455,38,54,699,240,556,0.153,0.716,0.132,-0.9477,0,0,1,0,0,2,62.0,4,3,0,5,24,27,1,3,19,0,59,19,6,11,6,97,113,30,7,23,20,0,6,3,1,7,9,2,0,1,25,15,3,3,21,2,3,5,21,14,0,4,7,18,74,13,65,87,17,42,1,5,8,1,43,16,2,8,23,306,99,2,0.12514903290631588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905253491998233,0.0,0.052067010429026485,0.0,0.0,0.08510563391949581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557045862111988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052247107499088494,0.0,0.06910863719243675,0.0,0.0,0.06566809447671453,0.05534207473867603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759777979380366,0.06428126534124788,0.0,0.0,0.06560818997114018,0.20286246684489448,0.0,0.14988197895930425,0.0,0.0,0.0807107729034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482740650893665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522729791100373,0.0,0.055422448477018514,0.0,0.0,0.08265975592598168,0.0,0.0,0.11958526408596674,0.056237940559985385,0.0,0.0589896851226879,0.0,0.0949186670176974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834491618891042,0.0,0.13077040871540674,0.1200543560671793,0.1422501589225088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816342756324307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388475872870971,0.0,0.0,0.062150613926047225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123821069785207,0.0,0.0,0.3438931777767485,0.0,0.0,0.06625737787697909,0.0,0.0639866826265524,0.08839646303833727,0.09171224393429796,0.0,0.22101777778569687,0.05537647795584645,0.0,0.0,0.06830747654230246,0.0,0.0564759441712096,0.0,0.04176897563156637,0.06344073822478521,0.0,0.06816199276558041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318242362820342,0.0,0.049946382037200886,0.0,0.09199893901842604,0.27838926642718576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663981781132168,0.12720633536962275,0.0,0.06658369733760472,0.0,0.0,0.06776210347665662,0.0,0.04338129084222202,0.054637654155282586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054336530707113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017367510392184,0.1286740493696896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343829514964769,0.0,0.09952353408147516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696548964447564,0.0,0.0,0.06423184191920282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301918472877968,0.04817291987991648,0.06188779679841588,0.07004704811819264,0.04429056481481385,0.0,0.04997208967029002,0.0,0.07167889717987004,0.0,0.0,0.20533909423428548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704824887811675,0.0,0.054692885463516965,0.0,0.0,0.07265383653255064,0.08314345652532534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297540750953566,0.0,0.0,0.05979263204298337,0.0,0.08496797834511463,0.068063105176302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690807105389006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35978802887288863,0.12063920176803465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778045645509537,0.0,0.0,0.04029593700972404
suicidewatch,okmatter,2018/02/07,"I don't know how much more of this I can take. My older sister (19) is emotionally and verbally abusive. Every day, she will scream and yell. She will tell me how worthless I am, how I'm going to fail school, that I'm fucked up, that I'll just be a drug addicted whore when I'm older, that I have no friends, that I should have died instead of the dog, and so forth. She likes to bring up a personal trauma I went through in the past, just to remind me of it. She's a compulsive liar. She constantly brings my name up just to trash me for no reason. She's disrespectful and sneaky. Every time I speak to one of my parents, she will scream at me to ""shut the fuck up"". This is happening every single day. I'm trying to study, and after every one of her screaming sessions, I'm left shaking, and I can't think straight.

There's so much more I could say; she's thrown just about everything I can think of at me at some point. But I think you get the gist.

My parents don't do anything to stop her, they let her get away with everything. I can't tell anyone about what is going on, because my parents don't want people ""knowing our business"". I can't take this anymore. No one cares about me to speak up. She gets away with it EVERY DAY. I don't provoke her, I don't speak to her; I don't want her anywhere near me. I don't fucking deserve this. I feel like I'm about to snap. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm sorry.",1.3182217316654388,2.97065143046358,2.9165930831493765,94.07409001716951,79.39735099337749,5.7985773853323535,21.781211675251413,6.605766666666668,0.2599311748834929,1100,32,254,10,27,362,139,302,0.194,0.76,0.046,-0.9901,3,2,1,0,0,0,46.0,1,1,1,1,17,16,4,1,7,0,27,6,0,5,0,32,59,13,1,4,5,4,1,2,1,4,2,8,0,1,12,8,0,1,8,0,0,6,14,12,0,3,1,9,49,4,39,51,6,35,0,2,0,4,31,17,3,1,13,166,61,3,0.0,0.1192501027011476,0.0,0.1097199624148006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998146668659702,0.07037464325608553,0.0,0.08282381198797878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891221260768271,0.0,0.0,0.061353407890873714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261620863557587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876352893560402,0.0,0.08035834922548736,0.0,0.0,0.19472674661215564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044555781798959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671843516554355,0.0,0.0,0.11321420070622328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664763193652232,0.0,0.42399671405749023,0.0,0.18090986382566576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508900899573583,0.07190215588568469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775953490926768,0.2791392745332721,0.15775153257899435,0.0,0.11439989010800054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900170941463068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593869016898227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935313676214348,0.10291826056715664,0.0,0.09834196982849353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479740844366146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046028053332969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352693703860302,0.0,0.09607884167686034,0.0697758785323666,0.08788097923360873,0.0,0.0,0.09514383977041878,0.0,0.0963918959781824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348176212346344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003844388168932,0.0,0.10186002250366118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266594944862415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414530385333402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134786610291096,0.0,0.17593963013072608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934713829392649,0.0,0.0,0.0586880089478511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833262935527026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872828275610993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330067220121564,0.09081816052012336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Strange-Stark,2018/02/07,I don't wanna die but... I don't wanna die but I feel like my life doesn't have meaning anymore. Nobody really cares. ,-1.1605999999999987,0.8678888400000027,1.9515,92.20325,100.6,4.1000000000000005,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.5035999999999996,91,2,19,1,4,32,17,25,0.0,0.5589999999999999,0.441,0.8965,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,7,2,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229164563538039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319798933112502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758610975986618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463760315528367,0.2326150065098293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998713939993,0.1590760226175562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35468346115060645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859334817880065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babyjaynight,2018/02/07,"I just feel like I'm pointless I don't even know what I should put here.I just feel like it going to be like every other website where I hear the same BS as I always do, but maybe I will feel better after posting this.


Well I'm 19 and still in the F*&king 9th grade.I have no one to blame but my self even if I would like to pin on my parents finding my first year or me trying to be ok with the fact that i'm gay.Nope it's just that I am an idiot.Up untell I failed the seconded time every teacher told me ""you one of the smartest kids here"" or ""I wish we could put you into the class for the smart kids""or something like that.I legit thought back then that I was smart that I could do anything I mean sure I had issues with reading and writing but I understood sciences very well.

But if that was true I should be in my last year of high school and not still be in the 9th grade like the worthless piece of trash I am.

I wanted a job last year but after not getting any calls I just gave up.

I have very few people I would call my true friends and by very few I mean 1 guy who I barely get to talk to because of well just life really.but, of course, the world like messing with me I have a crush on him which makes me feel like I am betraying our friendship am I am worried that if we ever meet up(we live a few stats away)that I am going to do or say something that will make 5 years of friendship crash and burn.If I lost him I honest I don't know what I would do.I've ready have spent a few day just in bed because I had noting to do and I knew he would be unavailable 

I have platy of people I talk to, but I just can trust them I mean they know a fair bit about me but I never let them see the whole me like I do with him.

I know at some point that I am just going to be kicked out of the house and end up homeless with nowhere to go.

It feels like I'm in a dark room with nothing but a door that doesn't have a door nob at time I can hear voices but they don't stay long.

Ugg after type all that I can barely hold back tears but after rereading sone of it I don't even know if I should post it I just feel like I'm crying about life for no reason, Like I'm just being some over dramatic 19 year old.",2.162050454678792,2.8394196550308024,3.332669991199765,95.95183572895279,75.24229979466119,6.140662951012027,21.30648283954239,5.6839178017228535,-0.15861356409504213,1720,36,424,7,35,557,214,487,0.076,0.721,0.202,0.9964,2,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,3,2,4,4,25,29,0,0,21,1,49,2,0,3,7,90,89,26,0,15,29,1,6,12,1,9,2,4,4,3,21,17,0,1,19,1,1,6,10,4,3,4,11,11,69,25,50,59,11,53,0,3,1,0,30,19,0,9,37,277,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860722471274973,0.07631585331115494,0.0,0.04789793931264669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796166955153743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617561974894534,0.10831971043384042,0.0,0.0858725496611447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229367470023224,0.07689633438856933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384319133020004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247258419331796,0.0,0.0773690942966051,0.045424486304405216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062384144302869836,0.0,0.0,0.13956415541253206,0.063712122846,0.11868836674508484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368308268529368,0.2515924405951079,0.0,0.0,0.06437594300334605,0.059911629784320436,0.0,0.0,0.05441759270324791,0.0,0.07359833670313212,0.0,0.16011841203673485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697413218985007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587698132267837,0.0,0.0,0.07441801582450487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812720648948605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351541678828155,0.06989546643654257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354505454674256,0.11482718998983707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720241445863223,0.09950007366299582,0.41292941882996576,0.0,0.06219503703720286,0.06233239935645764,0.0,0.0,0.07688767982430235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940312770289526,0.0,0.07076101685515666,0.2301717648448373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432350114702708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758389269797055,0.0,0.07390925816400573,0.0,0.09545660768642517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820928140765282,0.0,0.0,0.0976609580526974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658345792436904,0.0,0.13491374251029378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161244252950692,0.0,0.0,0.07045365473015124,0.0,0.0,0.07241849362936288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056012416288724866,0.0,0.071283569581732,0.05612725232290935,0.0,0.07347864289039997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844798336635902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507390572021391,0.11249831571046573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638377140709238,0.0,0.0,0.11322531749124272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055917200117655635,0.08214195651286225,0.0,0.0,0.06730327309816714,0.0,0.047820465965183065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743477499907663,0.04154414851449945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899874769291306,0.0,0.0,0.07863770898029568,0.08099630719475867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152974931422855,0.0,0.2001388592071157,0.0,0.0,0.22678784664993304
suicidewatch,ItsRainbows,2018/02/07,"The future seems quite dark. I'm not sure if this is because of being transgender or not... But all I feel is that I won't make it past college. I just feel like if I'm gonna do it, I may as well do it now so that no one has to pay for my college education.

I understand the ""fixes"" for being born in the wrong body, but being in a six foot five body is not easy to feel the stereotypical feeling of being female. The knowing that I can never bear children or have ""real"" sex with someone rips at my soul. Day in and day out I just go through life trying to find a way to make sure everyone around me is smiling so it is just a shell I put over myself so I can protect them from me.

I just want it to go away... The only way I found out to suppress my dysphoria was cuddling with someone in panties... I haven't cuddled in 5+ years... I",2.213576923076925,2.9358079388888925,4.166666666666668,89.85115384615385,75.16666666666667,6.871794871794872,25.51282051282051,7.010146845296331,0.8914102564102562,639,21,149,6,13,219,105,180,0.07,0.847,0.083,0.5098,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,10,5,0,0,9,0,19,7,3,2,4,38,35,11,0,3,13,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,9,0,1,3,7,1,1,3,2,4,20,4,26,26,1,24,1,0,0,3,2,11,0,6,9,108,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009594087248625,0.0,0.0,0.1478577533280647,0.0,0.0,0.0959335349908217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496133635314964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298600954644896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037729589345875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182914458015951,0.11242778884986596,0.0,0.0,0.14383669298392918,0.0,0.0,0.17255211786540384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887817870104852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648845916851472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115768468509106,0.07688483107888994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009630762530745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137628424162936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664047882270293,0.1196897756094205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023098531509205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582040158834045,0.0,0.16738628080423434,0.0,0.17912570198141214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326708825637532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666844177141476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29664566300802736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684639883294536,0.0,0.0,0.16383155156291732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282307421653184,0.24983180500231794,0.0,0.0,0.14149783865911064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720634147780798,0.0,0.101343490593613
suicidewatch,Iveaquestion4u,2018/02/07,"Why live when suicide is a permanent solution? Feels strange coming here after being there for so long. Such different atmospheres.

Anyway, hello. I've decided that it may be fair to ask once more about why this isn't the best decision if we are logically speaking. I'm not sure why I ask, I'm fairly content with my decision at this point. Anyway, I'll address main points. 

Life is unnecessary work. 

A. Suicide hurts those around you.        
True, but at this point, I'm willing to be selfish.              

B. Life could get better.        
Life could get worse. Suicide is a permanent solution, correct? Why battle the odds when I have a permanent solution?       

C. You could fail the attempt.             
True, but this is a fact I've accepted. Some choices involve risk.              

D. You could get help.          
How do you get help for wanting to be forever lazy while maintaining the lifestyle I have? The things I enjoy cost money, money you need to work to earn. I don't want to work at all.            

E. Talk to someone.        
Talking to someone comes with the risk of being forced to get help, which as we learned at bullet D., is pointless. 

So, suggestions? Sorry for being so picky with what I'll consider worth living for, but it literally is life or death, so I have to be. I don't intend on forcing you into a debate. I'll read what you have to say and possibly end it there, so I'll preemptively thank you here. Thanks for reading and/or responding.",2.230449438202246,4.8566467078651705,3.5701385767790264,85.3183539325843,81.92134831460675,6.855880149812733,25.379400749063677,8.021203637495839,1.8341661423220983,1089,44,205,22,30,355,145,267,0.183,0.67,0.147,-0.9058,1,0,0,0,0,3,49.0,2,8,0,8,17,15,1,2,12,0,28,4,0,2,6,40,46,16,4,8,6,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,13,10,0,0,7,2,4,2,4,6,0,0,0,3,18,9,30,33,5,18,0,2,0,0,23,10,0,4,6,129,31,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753412210541281,0.18384966007850675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319076742731284,0.08696447199832627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940435390697225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140324903203287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027334226534193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709077119745262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971836105384436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25686558555675715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977246187280478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526378754907906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778121987998484,0.0,0.0,0.1736535397176217,0.08701853317384953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291009501408742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471773234725118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27885954505396704,0.11085176235048484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967122637553164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819558295990599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662857066678716,0.0,0.0,0.11007185009605057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32266961430377344,0.0,0.09267441128583563,0.0,0.0,0.15806709107870415,0.0,0.18105722668285767,0.0,0.0,0.06532576553176846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115994600015787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549083995543306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475519046396024,0.0,0.10020618396625773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rami-961,2018/02/07,"My gf tried to commit suicide over a month ago, and now she wants space to get back on her feet. As the title says. She is doing bit better now, but she says she wants some space until she becomes a better person for herself, and for me. She does not want to depend emotionally on me yet, and she wants her own strength. I understand her reasoning, but I do not know if it is best to accept taking distance or not. We talk once per week to catch up, and are still exclusive, but I feel I should be there for her. At same time, i know how important it is to find your inner strength and happiness. Any advice would be appreciated.",4.6869047619047635,5.0933947936507975,5.442976190476191,84.09160714285714,69.31746031746032,8.522222222222224,26.067460317460323,8.472884824447931,1.498479365079365,488,13,103,7,8,159,83,126,0.027000000000000003,0.713,0.259,0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,1,1,0,5,7,7,0,0,3,0,10,1,1,3,1,32,20,13,1,7,8,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,22,7,16,16,5,19,0,0,0,0,19,8,0,4,10,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026747309747264,0.15445520788666614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849067927375027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398150580408,0.0,0.0,0.1924368337908388,0.0,0.0,0.18285645174840168,0.3082061539854036,0.19022736731718384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248053403933112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599903629442786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810209784955611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925422523011687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103436425990194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548407484145185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151792592683334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907847136071794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855622692761266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521415788032951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915001407710476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771288013245573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915005569108402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905926994233415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100845881676595,0.14004928993867038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160203511630037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829902448236862,0.0,0.0,0.18139228781709726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110902847156826,0.0,0.13976659244872255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377666824939558,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayMacguffin,2018/02/07,"What should I do with my last months? I’ve been suicidal for 3 years and after various attempts using different methods, I’m finally going to go through with it. I’m turning 21 in May and when I do, I’m gonna buy a gun. All the methods I’ve tried in the past have left room for regret, but once I pull the trigger it’ll all be over. 

Until then, however, I have a few months to get through. Anything you guys suggest I should try in that time? Obviously I can’t do anything crazy like travel the world, but if you have any suggestions of things to try I’m all ears. Right now I just plan to work through my backlog of things to watch/play but I’d definitely like to experience some stuff before I die. ",2.981774595267748,4.1604139520548,4.376774595267747,87.32345579078456,73.86301369863014,7.774844333748442,27.65628891656289,8.296473431620573,1.6924876712328767,551,21,121,9,11,183,93,146,0.107,0.821,0.071,-0.6261,2,0,2,1,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,6,0,13,1,1,2,4,20,23,9,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,12,2,21,16,6,24,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,3,14,74,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308683359586928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29789667269235304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540184530862041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785038044652735,0.18910743917673914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770536328538138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982776625538468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456551109203253,0.0,0.20573399002988746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921936948569686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475399091211901,0.0,0.0,0.19665803111454536,0.0,0.0,0.17685581534312886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28894641782911856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276007446369986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278586051935324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457379822711978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720275134594204,0.19798563078796896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404979394806849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055430930602506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686632340263935,0.19687702717256875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632668191183674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317708267657614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655865927741668
suicidewatch,NeonDiscoKittens,2018/02/07,"I want to just die. My life is hell. I get up. Go to class only to be shunned and made fun of. I’m the laughing stock of my university. It’s my fault, I know. But why can’t people forgive and forget? I don’t have any friends who give a shit about me or would help me through this. And I know it for a fact. I’ve had depression since I was 8; it might win the battle soon. I’m stuck in a rut. My parents won’t care the slightest anyways. I’m already a failure in their eyes. I’m stuck in the same rut I’ve been in my entire life. I’m alone in this world. I have no social skills. No people who truly care. And I want to just die tonight. I’m too weak; I don’t want to fight it anymore. ",-1.5193752122241089,0.3362543935483906,0.9902886247877768,102.49280135823432,92.16129032258064,3.7792869269949065,17.190152801358234,4.9825596385082,-0.9800967741935483,521,14,137,2,19,176,89,155,0.258,0.5660000000000001,0.17600000000000002,-0.9403,1,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,6,14,4,0,8,0,13,5,2,1,1,20,32,6,2,4,4,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,6,1,17,7,16,22,1,10,1,1,1,0,10,7,2,2,2,76,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397346357405464,0.1960216301877322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079603680293245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616348344396807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36221588146619577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299441631193314,0.0,0.3687085093823569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372382533620379,0.0,0.09280553105839773,0.17040106213839318,0.10095251419359946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906316815856645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952441033377058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509338550378148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680799515320376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843977049034427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509734791332526,0.0,0.0,0.19723961762913056,0.0,0.0,0.2462957039997012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233697542824506,0.1469392516963893,0.0,0.0,0.18107373240310248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143163504476035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028549730753916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261848701082657,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,incognitonova,2018/02/07,"20, disabled, depressed. why not? the past two years of my life were supposed to be better than my teenage years. i was supposed to be okay.  
  
i live in a very small town in michigan. i have friends in portland who want to help me get set up there, but i know moving won't fix me. i know that.
  
i'm at the point in my illness that being my friend is essentially taking care of me. answering the phone when i'm awake at 4am trying to decide if i should get it over with or not. driving me to doctor appointments. calling 911 when im passed out on the floor again. calling 911 when i'm seizing and vomiting and pissing myself again. helping me grocery shop. helping me go up and down stairs. at this point, all of my friends have bailed. and if they're not completely gone, they're worn out. they're tired. i have no family to turn to.
  
i have a stockpile of oxycodone. why not?",0.9867977528089896,3.304101780898879,2.2001011235955046,95.14082584269664,84.56179775280899,4.908314606741573,22.94494382022472,6.2581,0.3864507865168538,679,25,147,6,20,216,107,178,0.101,0.7559999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,6,1,12,6,1,0,1,22,26,11,0,4,8,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,1,1,5,6,2,0,1,4,0,20,6,27,17,1,34,0,1,0,0,10,20,1,3,8,91,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393202723938016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217063802152368,0.0,0.16060978488482233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516458664054426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567820490351296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123607123891764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850290739053126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365116067156808,0.0,0.16460323406114402,0.0,0.08952650846000616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31676208809365697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015673183066438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314598857546498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126633187590892,0.0,0.0,0.1390996685179238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742680258469333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037782333690333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978288097333817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844107544399245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105468799301974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695083210820737,0.17134468481542905,0.15388147783725434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997668509603072,0.09291380088365588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842881337893316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288509048739475
suicidewatch,Skippet,2018/02/07,"I just want to chat it's been awhile. I have been feeling sickeningly depressed lately. I'm 19 years old and have a wonderful girlfriend of 2 years but, other than that I don't have anyone. Me and my sister moved out of our family home because of the drug abuse that went on there. My sister was my best friend and she ended up ending her life shortly after she moved out. I know I can speak with my girlfriend but I have no one else. My job puts me in a position where I don't see others. I am in online college courses and only go in for my exams. I only find comfort in Reddit and I have been thinking more and more about ending my life as well. I feel alone even though I know I'm not. I should be grateful for having a partner but she is a bit emotionally neglecting and I have trouble speaking of my problems as well. I just need some one to chat with. Or idk something..",1.4749600982197677,3.5742600718232076,3.130561694290978,90.5280586249233,80.87845303867405,5.348189073050952,21.657765500306937,6.42735559955562,0.36905131982811534,687,21,143,6,18,227,109,181,0.16,0.718,0.122,-0.8111,1,1,2,0,1,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,5,0,18,3,0,0,0,31,31,14,0,4,7,2,2,0,4,1,3,2,1,1,5,11,0,1,7,2,0,5,4,5,2,2,5,5,30,5,23,24,5,23,0,2,1,0,15,10,0,3,8,108,35,3,0.0,0.16851492526938894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730356826534996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944794579237737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866998410195367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492577420524281,0.0,0.15527429877840712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249931598613716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649373705679191,0.0,0.11881183540485556,0.15998546029981087,0.3779108980372543,0.0,0.0,0.09393913913926397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407831117923152,0.0,0.1438277957312684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999227450208814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098836975181203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083049194803964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266458953475405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411376709308674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632772545392665,0.0,0.16043747732304198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091730365652066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023281271882441,0.0,0.10545900981205704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924259167748047,0.0,0.19275246265156776,0.21633904177498706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360913745749298,0.0,0.14297672890981986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133359582884614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949276519510474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113287927161903,0.13973663154704846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388876505267867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25575707426035443,0.13184521813766376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423837074619332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831781665018764
suicidewatch,ClassyCrash,2018/02/07,"Not sure where else to ask this If I were to kill myself, is there any way to legally prevent people from publicizing it? I mean, obviously someone's going to find me, but say if I have a will is there some kind of clause I can include to keep my death...quiet? Kind of a broad question but I just don't want it to be a big thing for people I see everyday but aren't necessarily close to.

Yes, I realize public documents etc will indicate I'm dead, I just want to know how to keep the guilt minimal for people around me.",5.276111111111111,4.659342537037041,6.726296296296297,78.89833333333333,68.07407407407408,10.162962962962963,30.037037037037038,9.725611199111238,2.464692592592592,406,13,88,8,6,140,73,108,0.152,0.792,0.055,-0.8795,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,4,1,10,0,0,1,2,24,20,6,2,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,12,3,15,16,2,8,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,4,1,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324607150213473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734002551813056,0.1820980047884552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627181626015791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723715040910968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803027776907354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070100118518353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462683314402145,0.21550112593375773,0.4056779277831584,0.10704893230067668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21217834550293824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40511890027953135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820416668081505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490112556301286,0.0,0.0,0.1552187021313701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650409918964072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358288378547036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940672894944513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297788880337351,0.15461154145514575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,threwaway1293,2018/02/07,"I'm weak Hi, everyone. Just going to vent, I really need to let everything out. I just got a haircut today, and my barber messed it up. Now I'm feeling insecure and inadequate. 


About a year and 2 months ago I used to weigh 242-lbs, now I am 151-lbs. I thought losing weight would solve all my problems but that is far from the truth. There is so much I need to work on and it is just discouraging. I always think I'm fat, my perception of myself is fucked up. My self-esteem is shit. I am always critical of myself. I am so fucking insecure. I don't love myself. I over think a lot. My social skills are terrible. I just want to be happy.


I thought the hardest part of this journey would be losing weight but I'm so wrong. It's all the issues that I've built up while being overweight. I just feel so weak and defeated right now. ",0.6625882352941161,2.9925986117647057,2.717941176470589,90.71573529411766,86.41176470588232,5.988235294117647,20.852941176470583,7.365786028017652,0.7652000000000001,644,21,137,11,20,216,97,170,0.318,0.62,0.062,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,5,14,18,3,2,6,0,16,11,2,1,3,32,35,12,0,6,7,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,6,5,1,7,0,0,2,1,15,0,0,3,4,22,3,16,26,5,18,0,4,0,3,3,8,3,1,8,92,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996106956757014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439828119225775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400923000753498,0.13176376712912566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826101397728889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710774790525054,0.0,0.0,0.08332193812446853,0.0,0.11725754587513113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560692519467148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302292674305046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991883175340287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280385571323857,0.0,0.12464272352635596,0.13232140227886569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702283878394197,0.0,0.10777534397815144,0.21741916641745854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587645268260552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028613235331394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392222893556544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520428393648653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294638158113166,0.0,0.15049323244490534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149450605047085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878837538847532,0.0,0.23278419659709926,0.0,0.0,0.13896929828392926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266241141346581,0.0,0.0,0.08647447668078792,0.0,0.0,0.357063379589563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673394972597218,0.0,0.0,0.20829531633540266,0.16029520541557138,0.0,0.09441214254166803
suicidewatch,The_First_Wolf,2018/02/07,"My suicide note for all to see writtin in a poem of why this worlds a bad place. Man fuck this shit ive had enough

Done with the pain; im bleeding so rough

Live alone like a prisoner 

Hate myself for no visitors

Dont mean to complain im just saying it how it is

If i dont show up tommarow let me make a list

Fuck the world its an evil place

Nobody in it seems to give a fuck as they hide their face

Not going to lie ive been fooled tricked and lied to

None of which stopped me from being enthusiastic im blind dude

Gave all i can give to everyone while wanting nothing back

loved technology because it made up what i lacked

Short convos and being used is all i see

if you dont know what im talking about just fuck off please

Noone knows you better then yourself they always say

But if i dont know how to discover myself do i just sit down and 
pray?

Keep saying things are going to get better real soon

But i was just quoting lyrics while trapped under the moon

Yea you still dont get me neither do I

Answer me this what are some things you want to do before you die

Travel the world and adventure on with your life?

maybe sit at home relaxing with a wife?

How about making money with your final strife?

Well mines being able to put down this blood stained knife.

Cleaning my mind while being able to make myself shine

Living on the edge while stepping over the line

Im done with this poem but now you all know

Why my heart lacks the ability to go",2.2975267447783985,4.0226381158940425,3.16251655629139,93.0771726948548,76.78145695364239,5.838206826286298,20.555781966377992,6.490185161304077,0.07470820173204283,1149,27,252,9,26,364,173,302,0.145,0.78,0.075,-0.9626,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,8,3,2,15,19,8,0,14,1,25,13,4,8,4,48,55,20,2,7,11,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,2,1,16,9,0,2,7,3,1,6,9,12,1,0,7,8,32,7,37,43,10,38,1,0,4,5,22,18,5,5,13,162,48,0,0.15879779287767926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822333112563457,0.0,0.0,0.06606624235009369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061052850360079076,0.06629476203231123,0.048400830315203855,0.0,0.0675626128644038,0.0,0.0,0.14044374323454814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240351903441194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625052755299506,0.4652745764709771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820402846841951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586904811226698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697761006135167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936120013637405,0.08296529264138894,0.1523333127399419,0.1353726677834371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838997222905211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408807457080626,0.0,0.0,0.07964356691846602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428822165364911,0.0,0.0,0.07057338731376522,0.0,0.0,0.1745422280890293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119075104853067,0.05608178865908321,0.038790290206844685,0.0,0.14022136042142275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166060397593788,0.07512915559543121,0.15899813974638166,0.0,0.07976686340984236,0.08648867480599012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017025132213298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761853825331454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448602384935758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590989516984386,0.08715614524873531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981782104338246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037332677799874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942356785955436,0.0,0.0,0.1265412813039586,0.07228177330391902,0.0,0.0,0.08150182620166818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340806125979304,0.066381032670107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684950574172792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381782538079668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549819748368693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857515368288218,0.0,0.0,0.09366305254819947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138914332264455,0.0,0.1432903086554477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayearth2,2018/02/07,"I can’t commit suicide but hoo boy would I not mind being killed I’m a pre-k teacher’s aide and I can’t do that to those kids. But I’m a totally dysfunctional failure and would end up being a shitty influence to them anyway.

Sometimes I feel alive around them but in moments like these it feels like a sick lie. Who am I to drag myself into their lives? I’m using them to pretend I have a purpose and belong, but this world is a sinking ship and I can’t give them what they need to survive or protect them. It feels like they protect me. I’m an adult and I’m emotionally dependent on them but it’s not enough. I understand why parents commit suicide. You just wish you were better for them, but you can’t be. You’re inherently broken.

it would be a mercy to quit. To stop trying to pretend. To stop living the delusion that I have a purpose or that the goofy, sensitive teacher I work with doesn’t like me but just pities me. I’m so tired of living the illusion that it gets better when the common denominator in all my problems isn’t my career or these kids or that coworker I have a crush on - it’s me. And I’m stuck with me forever.",2.0194394213381557,3.8068483881856565,3.8975045207956613,87.22050632911392,77.77637130801688,6.53960216998192,23.943942133815554,7.447530270364453,1.0395663652802891,896,30,188,12,21,303,120,237,0.201,0.625,0.174,-0.8123,2,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,3,10,5,6,9,1,0,14,0,20,2,0,3,4,45,37,19,3,6,15,1,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,4,17,10,0,4,4,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,3,32,6,20,28,3,14,0,1,0,0,20,8,0,5,10,130,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735028454364233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530430416800771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091889038871915,0.12670526905798501,0.1478152226555111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170004316588364,0.2043986544003411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474092302137691,0.13723247443121084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827041130039882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795599945011525,0.0,0.3789635486676512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444590965458132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607430705669776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884690179412225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688539537926456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215780240573473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414861695978796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392026590840174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31296037253287984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442197597307226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971257211957622,0.0,0.0,0.14892647551975902,0.0,0.12355456406922845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290859055390522,0.0,0.16450748840908594,0.0,0.0,0.10414656576199427,0.0,0.0,0.3048689088570523,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopelessforever123,2018/02/07,"Feeling so much pain I want so badly to just give up but every time I try, I think of my children.   My boyfriend and I are trying so hard to make it work but it seems like every step forward we take, we take another 5 steps backward.  I don’t know if we’ve kept trying for us or the kids at this point.  I don’t see a future without him, but he’s also the reason I hurt so badly!
All I’ve been thinking about is just ending it.  It’s taking more and more in me not to follow through with it :-(
I just don’t know what to do anymore
",-0.21089743589743648,1.568188700854705,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,85.06837606837607,4.241880341880342,18.29700854700855,4.7782277997778095,-0.6818940170940171,406,10,97,1,12,138,77,117,0.166,0.784,0.049,-0.9407,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,1,26,22,12,0,2,10,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,7,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,2,3,15,1,13,20,4,12,0,1,1,0,8,6,0,3,5,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773219606339235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805980766689476,0.0,0.0,0.170805790246602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876095600612621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254457889627052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29022225322376016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708461695873995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521862254538186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428416913064533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437567980992253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930610765421912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414283390595602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496480169561507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266088001984321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326476636869152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281293370346306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708103138132192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724493885234,0.15679164072009014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884863720462613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207159427943782,0.0,0.0,0.10042864501865027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507984083840375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717137450944867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015856626962968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602348631094846,0.0,0.12538542505588848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rainbowpearls18,2018/02/07,"I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to exist. I am afraid of death. I don’t know what death is like other then the darkness I experienced a few months ago when I legally died twice. The thing is I hate life so much. It’s been bad after bad after bad. Rape, molestation, rape, rape and rape again, abuse after abuse. I never win. I never feel free from the hands of my rapists or abusers. I never feel loved. I always feel alone. So I want to not exist anymore which means dying. I’m so tired of feeling alone. So tonight might be the night it might not. I haven’t decided yet. ",-0.035840220385672694,2.204190595041325,1.5014545454545465,98.66551515151517,89.3305785123967,4.2184022038567495,16.33112947658402,5.6839178017228535,-0.7581541597796142,446,10,103,3,15,143,72,121,0.517,0.426,0.057,-0.9978,0,2,0,0,3,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,15,7,1,5,0,11,9,1,0,3,20,23,8,5,3,4,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,0,1,0,9,11,0,1,1,6,14,5,10,19,2,14,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,15,65,20,1,0.0,0.4578632134146012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418400206051925,0.0,0.0,0.26682061942225554,0.0,0.0,0.10718184296265076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774681972865432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226577380808192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010593332936977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605247245472319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717511083463193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079166687827743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909836741322386,0.06293100145447854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625779412815035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031395204801225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27329819914915243,0.0,0.0,0.102816451952068,0.0,0.09469158833350544,0.0,0.2980430995151037,0.0,0.0,0.12088126842159788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557692123323261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480503621782263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792983752032744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tigergirl1975,2018/02/07,"I guess I'm jealous So, I guess I'm jealous, or selfish or I'm not sure what.  Here is the background. Sorry for it being so long and formatting, I'm on mobile.

I was diagnosed with depression, OCD, and Bipolar 2 when I was 12. I have been struggling with it since, sometimes on meds, most of the time off.

About a year ago, I was in a pretty dark place, and a friend (also my boss) gave me 2 options: find a therapist or she was taking me to the emergency room. I found a therapist. I also found a psychiatrist, and started taking meds again. 

A little over 2 months ago, I went into one of my depressive cycles, and it kept getting worse. About 3 weeks ago, I started having the racing suicidal thoughts. Normally I can shove them down, but right now, I can't. It's just getting worse. I'm not planning anything, but it feels like I should.

Fast forward to today. I get a text from one of my best friends, and it says, Eric is dead. Eric is his brother. His drug addicted, alcoholic, creep of a brother. My first thought was WHAT?! My second thought was, lucky bastard... how come he gets to die and I don't. It should have been me. All indications are a drug overdose, but autopsy results are pending. 

I guess the point is, I feel selfish for thinking why not me, but I can't help it. I'm jealous that he was able to do it (even if it was an accident) and I can't work up the nerve to. I'm tired, and I'm just worn down, and I just wish I could not be me right now.

Sorry for the rambling, I'm in a weird headspace right now.",1.3475931842385478,3.2859938178913772,3.1064760383386587,91.37360117145904,80.4696485623003,6.090266240681577,24.81033013844516,7.1686216300943375,0.9974086048988284,1167,45,255,15,30,388,159,313,0.183,0.7390000000000001,0.078,-0.981,0,0,3,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,1,4,17,16,4,1,19,0,30,7,0,3,2,55,64,24,3,6,15,2,2,1,2,2,7,1,1,0,13,14,1,1,9,0,0,3,8,10,0,4,19,3,35,6,27,40,3,38,0,2,0,0,13,18,1,10,20,168,48,2,0.0951137237619268,0.0,0.0,0.10368799821342216,0.0,0.0,0.2529377318437424,0.1016476447710257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212482105754188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827049044158173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981598503770976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193205107623629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594056894975677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638426218092857,0.09653842749019924,0.09871302874451232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060344591014508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282171750585967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961847131633298,0.06794926326014113,0.0,0.0,0.08693222038800909,0.08090368484302662,0.0,0.2085745775644187,0.14696925407734313,0.0,0.19877197996571572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143354698193865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375272412637012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646776105031618,0.09532893848124313,0.0,0.08417265247496764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129981049069965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591886686891433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319125473098648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890304156720034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937359740705094,0.0,0.08991321242744553,0.0,0.0,0.0967648510668085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436798012003844,0.0,0.07563825072082052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867905517396709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406990485216477,0.21294405335243904,0.13464396645268267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994335154794402,0.0,0.10403897621349996,0.0,0.08964355902093146,0.0,0.14302736643999248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086872835443103,0.0,0.060945033662803925,0.0,0.22652901708278456,0.0554615772098845,0.10931923367033908,0.09015668877049844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762944920304422,0.0,0.0,0.08817137483092816,0.08582534170178108,0.0,0.10937608832081372,0.0,0.0,0.06924392369766541,0.0,0.1938580206123085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125011967675335
suicidewatch,redddddddddit9,2018/02/07,"I fucked my whole life up I'm in a good college. I have a 3.8. But I hate it

I don't want to go to school. I want to quit, move somewhere down South, and live in a nobody town for the rest of my life. I just don't want my mom to find me because I know she'll be upset. I literally think I might kill myself tonight. I'm 20 years old and the only thing stopping me is my mom.

Has anyone here tried just dropping everything? How did it turn out?

I chose the wrong major. I chose the wrong girlfriend. I chose the wrong vocation. I don't want any of this. I have everything except happiness. 

My ex hates me but I still love her. I was nasty to her and lost her, surprise. I'm angry because I hate where I wound up. I want a job I don't have to go to school for. I want to be a fucking cop or something. Anything but this. Jesus. 

I've been thinking of going into the army. Maybe then I could find some fucking purpose. Maybe then I'll have more friends. 

I've reached out and told to just be strong. Fuck that, I don't want to.",-0.9108768918708066,1.1755401809954762,1.1042409112186,100.71900452488691,92.89140271493211,3.9532532376345766,17.575440786394132,5.501188778358388,-0.6980152597909193,784,22,191,5,29,257,114,221,0.221,0.675,0.105,-0.9536,1,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,3,7,19,8,1,11,0,20,8,0,1,0,32,47,11,1,8,8,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,5,0,0,4,5,13,0,0,5,0,36,6,24,36,5,23,1,1,0,5,11,11,4,3,7,117,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795973351491902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987739649722494,0.0,0.08223860302403935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183980511406207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979056050428053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963160735044814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267892080793013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721010865408312,0.3695559434862684,0.0,0.0,0.17038736064124455,0.08382136145240593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638345880661096,0.0,0.2959975751578453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917080653351236,0.0,0.11056409508481772,0.0,0.054922071884016016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411751442314474,0.0,0.0,0.0882450937066267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090916708823913,0.0,0.09019591157759127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079777617704012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601603268680594,0.0,0.2340870733374309,0.0,0.10621588132097784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486575333283654,0.0,0.0,0.07600563731854985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062939660980218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228061842683928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693541888828373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980881501661853,0.08355075761226598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639286835364236,0.12806958028256765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549288696070456,0.0,0.06784981087265733,0.10870139324395016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126128413593157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157469033565708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277921468101898,0.0,0.0643553432315714
suicidewatch,Nolongerokay,2018/02/07,"After 8 years of fighting it, I think depression will win soon. I'm 21 and I've been depressed and suffering from self harm since high school. When I was a younger teenager I craved attention and I thought that I self harmed because I wanted people to care about me. To be completely honest I thought that way up until very recently, and thought low of myself, thinking I was just an attention whore and this was the only way to get what I craved. But I realized that I didn't have control over it and I never did, especially now. I can't stop and my depression is getting worse by the minute. Before I would only think about suicide when I was having panic attacks or having a meltdown. But now, it's almost a constant and almost for no reason. In the past couple months I started a relationship with someone who gave me a reason to keep fighting. I've been in more relationships than I could count... No really.. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 12 and this is the first time I've ever felt this way. It's all been the same until now. He always pulled me out of my sad moods and made me happy.. and as I start caring about him more and more I realize that he deserves so much better than a mentally insane excuse of a human being. The thought of losing him makes me panic. But even he cant pull me out anymore. I have to fake happiness. I love him so much but I can't be truly happy anymore, and I don't know why. I'm the first girl who has ever cared for and vise versa.. I know it wont last, im his first.. Who ever stays with their first love, right? 

but still I was trying to enjoy it while it lasted. Trying to make my body a bit better so he had something to remember me by... but ofcourse that is just turning into me starving myself. I can't do anything right.. 

So yeah.. I'm about to lose the last bit of hope that I have left.. I've been writing suicide notes for a few weeks now to see if I really am ready, and it's getting easier every time to say my goodbyes. 

So here I am, sitting here scared to talk to anyone out of fear of looking crazy to other people. Trying to get relief from cutting and getting more frustrated that I'm barely bleeding because I'm dehydrated from starving myself. 

Please help me find a reason to wake up tomorrow.

Oh... and I've been to counseling and therapy. It also sadly stopped working..",2.9047962213225347,4.546610568421055,4.437894736842106,84.93808367071526,74.89473684210526,6.892847503373819,25.021592442645073,7.61054688173877,1.2988628879892037,1840,61,364,24,39,615,223,475,0.179,0.706,0.115,-0.9767,0,0,1,0,4,2,59.0,0,0,1,11,26,38,5,4,19,1,39,6,2,7,5,75,76,39,2,5,10,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,24,26,0,4,19,0,0,2,10,22,0,4,22,4,51,15,57,47,11,59,0,9,2,3,29,16,0,5,36,256,75,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877906178983024,0.0,0.0,0.055415664066905984,0.05765948804771341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374452243342089,0.0484530927842544,0.0,0.05702437215057789,0.0,0.0,0.07883374568334048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448390578263132,0.0,0.05896544937857896,0.0,0.0,0.12257264900123498,0.15130568953988136,0.07697178694543481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211954439048244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265511528897277,0.07488392289084964,0.07772090461470922,0.055326895751977585,0.07667426030874416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790525890562624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576908842632547,0.18804550481986276,0.0583845293586481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779768122035733,0.0,0.0,0.06653464033904663,0.0,0.06333492047020968,0.2357711984076632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810204474049532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212993553847416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644737813299677,0.07321460306299267,0.0,0.06882616365523435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485113618972944,0.0,0.0,0.0615931107560399,0.0,0.0,0.07616609599945243,0.169455481501358,0.0,0.0,0.07528986914370213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819084912885088,0.15504809634021308,0.0,0.0,0.12508396395687105,0.06556916959396923,0.09251069847678073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698336635067643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531108458831401,0.0,0.10188047443142648,0.0,0.05344503651979863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054048485412114,0.0,0.16260690555160515,0.0,0.0,0.06615048851377364,0.09608168397611792,0.0,0.0,0.07606575667833634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878506799804124,0.21374224534542444,0.06842104237887355,0.22319261480659247,0.07849840328923106,0.11835612281490088,0.0,0.05510664023680829,0.0693769815392587,0.07013084390945531,0.055219619258984484,0.0,0.14458084143266167,0.0,0.0,0.1146440682148224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871393465802525,0.053347136222190686,0.0,0.0,0.09809556076000668,0.07385988657176842,0.055339553458537666,0.1158684442670283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159627247236274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055697176180777415,0.0,0.0,0.07924555460066178,0.0,0.0,0.13320546200912484,0.0,0.22005185522078916,0.0808136400074038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114148550472416,0.07537371105169909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057176124934595736,0.0408723386317097,0.16501085890356204,0.055584748249794085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252849825702425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504480200880941,0.0,0.07061813366316813,0.04922560408249988,0.0,0.0,0.044624092669017824
suicidewatch,DesperateSail,2018/02/07,"Fear of death is making me want to die Hey guys.

I'm dealing with something like existential anxiety that is absolutely consuming me. Things in my life are fine. I have a job, my family is good, my boyfriend is loving and supportive, but I can't seem to stop feeling panicked and sad basically every moment of every day. I get really fixated on mortality and how scared I am to die/lose my loved ones eventually, and I start spiraling from there (""I can't avoid death no matter how hard I try,"" ""what's the point of doing anything if it's just going to end,"" etc.) 

Right now it feels really, really unbearable. I've tried to challenge these thoughts with more positive ones, as per my therapist's suggestions (""I'll make the most of the time I have left,"" etc.) but it doesn't seem to have much of an effect. 

So ironically I find myself contemplating suicide - because if I can't avoid death anyway, what's the point of having to put up with feeling like this? I can't really get invested in anything going on around me when I know it's going to end, so I don't enjoy anything. It seems impossible to distract myself. And at least with suicide I would have control over the way I go.

The only reason I don't do it is because I don't want to devastate my family and friends, but I don't know how long that can keep me afloat.

Sorry if this is ramble-y or whatever. Thanks for reading.",4.424187559808613,5.396431334545459,5.974009569377991,78.01111961722488,70.2,9.571291866028707,28.655502392344488,9.811843763644266,2.681072727272728,1087,39,213,26,19,371,150,275,0.172,0.654,0.173,-0.8272,1,2,1,0,0,3,40.0,0,0,0,3,11,17,0,5,8,0,26,3,0,8,0,46,52,20,7,6,8,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,14,11,0,5,12,1,1,5,10,6,0,2,1,4,30,11,31,50,6,28,0,1,0,2,7,12,0,8,12,141,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701738918888085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485450029861249,0.08962359519398222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274314661794307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112917464007253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492813366445505,0.10379324251780817,0.0,0.0,0.20897301043817204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833932265939892,0.0,0.22456223503250414,0.0,0.0,0.16964890012841796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898180390394279,0.11328926148050672,0.15271547223945225,0.07192344456008272,0.0,0.0,0.0920166670479494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778255782700408,0.0,0.10519882626562817,0.0,0.22886752288606935,0.08444282760331517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968574745824922,0.0,0.0,0.09018653569635353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990607613962517,0.08948606428821226,0.0,0.0,0.110658547352567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938551386258306,0.0,0.0711109206510454,0.098371086760379,0.0,0.0,0.08909569895674939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172927950341197,0.0,0.13440493928014224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400894818248957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644225586803393,0.07656915633152347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034401961022496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120787646875487,0.0,0.0,0.10070393049277042,0.0,0.2579842519782755,0.10351240083676552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597733971472755,0.0,0.0,0.10079492582756792,0.0,0.0,0.2749568212157588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750583146351064,0.0,0.11269930740130325,0.07125947649670697,0.0,0.0,0.0841702174592446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22024790788773274,0.1142467101453396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268956608503012,0.0,0.11689339204487274,0.06688511662578467,0.0,0.0,0.07992604295074075,0.05870538519892689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670572234001555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876343563466132,0.07991246719449753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715178291448887,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cronickers,2018/02/07,"I'm tired I've managed to go a whole month without wanting to die, but now I'm back to wanting to lay on a knife or hang myself. My grades have been dropping rapidly due to extra work, so my parents have decided to have me work even harder, even if there's nothing left to be done. My mother has been home recently and is constantly reminding me that I'm a failure, that my brother is the good child, and that she doesn't love me. Most people already find me annoying, so I don't need her telling me that. I have depression and ptsd due to multiple incidents involving the loss of close friends and my family cutting my neck and choking me, but my parents just yell at me whenever I show any weakness. I'm sick of it all. I've been near death plenty of times by now. It's tempting, like sleep after a long day. There comes a point where you stop caring if there's more work to be done. You just want to fall asleep. I think I might stab myself. Death is much more appealing than life right now.
I'm sorry, that was really long. I'll stop being a needy waste of time. Please, go look at another post. There are others who probably need you more than I do.",4.026610169491526,4.765927042372886,4.862500000000002,86.47222457627122,70.9491525423729,8.442372881355933,27.885593220338983,8.660442795831766,1.8505644067796607,906,31,193,15,16,294,139,236,0.241,0.6779999999999999,0.08,-0.9932,2,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,0,4,15,10,2,0,8,0,22,8,3,0,1,28,39,12,3,7,8,4,0,1,1,1,4,1,1,1,9,7,0,2,3,1,0,5,3,5,0,0,6,2,27,5,23,29,8,33,0,2,1,1,15,9,0,5,18,122,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809212333846058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509765578937488,0.13121737097216618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962228601687454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275858182861636,0.0,0.0,0.1077947043576966,0.0,0.13522896649028002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070320676448851,0.0,0.10778057394589248,0.0,0.12987276175799012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561178112369729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530401416378054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796831040451625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437322601827915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668076830029088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223682384437894,0.10495923094088833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552291592837184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596204363293798,0.0,0.08838817641321188,0.061135764316728236,0.0,0.0,0.2214851470055272,0.10508381616647212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294129979708913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327509010281274,0.0,0.0,0.09988339974171047,0.0,0.09199031468331832,0.18557544609629195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120072615236694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779003274157784,0.0,0.0,0.08675444822565373,0.0,0.0,0.1373631784208979,0.11829519735138667,0.0,0.11984694316865944,0.0,0.13491917544738533,0.0,0.1462788082720257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016615931462807,0.0,0.12355798801525288,0.0,0.0,0.10686657127581807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522767361582554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400809632758811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924077374933409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093755166832942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018292962834495,0.0,0.0,0.14593713302717665,0.14382691900559555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142766689439405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971132760409488,0.0,0.12062789258431715,0.0,0.27330433641694785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HarryCox469,2018/02/07,Death is the Ultimate Freedom So therefore I am out. Nobody ever gave a shit anyway. ,0.9597916666666676,3.2734570625000003,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,103.375,4.633333333333333,24.08333333333333,6.42735559955562,1.614233333333334,67,3,10,1,3,23,16,16,0.33,0.485,0.185,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6611425907909076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7502602712674358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ctrlaltelodie,2018/02/07,"how do you gain back a feeling to live when you have nothing? Hello Reddit.

I tried to commit suicide in November of last year, and decided not to. However, since I chose to ""live"" I have not been able to feel better or take positive step to a new life. I have no friends, most of them have lives of their own since we are older now (approaching 30 years old), I have nothing to do but work and my co-workers are all extroverted types who exclude me from nights out because I am soft-spoken shy. On top of having a career that is dead-end, I suffer from horrible self-esteem issues. I am very unattractive for a woman, and so have be militant in my diet/exercise regime but sometimes fall off the wagon and binge. I don't date because I am so ugly and fat, and so am still single. I truly have nothing to live for in this world, I may have made a mistake not ending this life. I am not looking for sorrow or empathy, but just advice...is it even possible to build a life from nothing at such old age? ",5.057211221122111,5.000370084158419,6.10470297029703,81.27688943894391,68.45544554455446,8.91155115511551,29.704620462046204,8.59863814320734,2.1211174917491755,775,26,157,11,12,259,127,202,0.153,0.747,0.1,-0.9455,1,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,1,2,2,4,11,5,0,0,7,0,23,4,1,2,2,28,28,16,1,1,10,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,3,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,2,3,21,2,26,24,4,27,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,4,15,113,26,3,0.12527724128180098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633046564309522,0.0,0.1527356870081434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079753936672553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219169030409098,0.0,0.0,0.0827444363488276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266878747040151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678888585068599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075689184909314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211767217532612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654610612165436,0.0,0.0,0.4424883969491525,0.0,0.10520133079724957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118540354777812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099354028186525,0.0,0.1175642044299056,0.0,0.4808275670230788,0.0,0.26291478164993765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123126629383928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069148460802402,0.0,0.0,0.2072612571351929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239023949584662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004656671485596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703296864324302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419289449886913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505502341625024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336684415156698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240664739578727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134887201956755
suicidewatch,jben10pnw,2018/02/07,"Social media vs real I'm sure people can relate to this, Iv crafted and molded a new self complex for myself, on the outside I'm really happy and I'm successful and I smile every time I talk to someone

But on the inside I'm just sitting in an empty room surrounded by pictures I'd promise not to throw away or tear up, tiny blue carded letters I keep under my pillow and text messages that remind me just how much of a fucking useless shit head I am ",3.3944700460829518,4.669685774193546,5.451643625192013,79.64032258064519,72.97849462365592,6.604608294930878,27.264208909370197,6.868970318607317,1.5332531490015366,359,13,64,3,7,125,73,93,0.09,0.758,0.152,0.7287,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,5,0,2,4,2,1,1,15,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,4,12,8,1,12,0,1,1,1,5,8,2,1,2,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375200867519456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858902047497386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398476944644804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761782379491971,0.0,0.0,0.26625983887070725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306018031842723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071792952795671,0.0,0.0,0.25056834559644026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986272576516593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952990200415552,0.16620362671144054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706520447743557,0.0,0.26631098208956194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26446596140819223,0.21982229892255373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445187167917925,0.0,0.0,0.2085276924952177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128129492765166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,azaxac,2018/02/08,"Feeling psychotic I’m having some really messed up thoughts. I keep thinking about the feeling of stabbing a vagina with a knife.

I’m imagining seeing visions of a family in a car drive past me while I’m standing somewhere and the car slowing down and exploding, then colliding into other cars. I’m seeing the remains of charred corpses and screams of people desperately stuck in the car and trying to escape. I can almost smell the blood and feel the shards of glass piercing skin.

I feel like I want to grab the last person that hurt me and strangle them to see what it’s like for life to fade out of their eyes.

Well, you get the idea. I’m feeling so insane. I’m not going to do any of the above, but it’s like when I daydream, all I can think about are these scenarios. They come so naturally to me. Just writing the word ‘naturally’ made me think of a ‘natural’ death and I imagined a fat man choking on a piece of food or something - there is no fat man I know in real life, but it occurred to me in milliseconds.

I keep having these almost movie-like scenes of death come to me like visions.

Saying the word ‘movie’, I thought about someone being pushed down a lot flight of stairs and being killed instantly.

What the hell is wrong with me? What do I do? Why do I keep seeing these visions whenever I see words?

I just want to die and I keep seeing and having all these graphic thoughts.",3.625745454545456,5.308855047272727,4.303181818181816,86.47477272727276,73.07272727272726,7.036363636363636,27.04545454545455,7.686295010490155,1.5063090909090913,1098,40,217,14,22,350,142,275,0.18,0.733,0.087,-0.9893,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,3,0,11,11,2,0,20,0,14,9,6,1,2,55,50,18,4,2,6,0,7,4,0,0,4,2,0,3,12,16,3,4,15,0,0,9,2,6,1,0,5,17,26,5,36,43,5,28,1,1,7,1,9,11,1,5,11,137,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216268786645788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343554996418489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604421765335016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207450542082227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180148527643666,0.0,0.2730099130258708,0.0771466560234879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130579530511836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056419278259187314,0.0,0.06137207474917907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560339831968662,0.12190531910615653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839388206593144,0.11947273346890926,0.0,0.059347386244382586,0.08802464123460932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255025029834116,0.2110299482839706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918075445361536,0.0,0.1021808662385609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308677477994256,0.07486528927493367,0.0942909651655146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291399712734175,0.06917988448891231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587639998740666,0.0,0.0,0.5163147769770308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149789056018616,0.08313444602524475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758306960550527,0.0,0.2571912530282834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331677036823146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738825251091845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709418995759617,0.0,0.09744238269393513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806793685000125,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway198436,2018/02/08,"I've grown to hate therapists. Having been in and out of therapy for the majority of my life, all I have found it to do is make me hang onto life instead of committing suicide. That does not sound too bad at face value, but then I released no matter what else we worked on nothing else would change. So I would be hanging on to a life I fucking hated because of all the therapy, without ever seeing any progress in making things better in every other aspect of my life. Without it, I most likely would have ended it a while ago now, and honestly I wish I did.  Fear of death being instilled in me doesn't make this life any better, it only prolongs it, which is so much worse. This realization only occurred recently, and because of this I doubt I will be around much longer.",8.329116541353383,6.433394355263162,8.482518796992482,72.92263157894739,62.684210526315795,10.790977443609023,36.18796992481203,9.23628265651192,3.220299624060152,610,22,113,8,7,201,98,152,0.18,0.6809999999999999,0.139,-0.9061,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,4,7,10,3,2,4,0,16,7,1,3,4,25,25,8,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,13,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,2,14,4,23,15,6,20,0,0,1,1,1,10,1,2,8,89,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090758688931346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735562334687448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954005415755808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274110938239653,0.15001954450608074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765438993055355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016994963360354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768135932220024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558396901040948,0.0,0.10898524557205268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130522718364302,0.10367442673781983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384647849841859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491731607828306,0.0,0.11375718768472948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429716153847181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345671517890835,0.060115721467918125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640929036473164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809109347712969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806921814369968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716922732679628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149643789811727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805444069247958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459607208287405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814354259593692,0.14286983765315178,0.08174855384528233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150073754628878,0.23723046151159444,0.0,0.0895814288501491,0.0,0.12539785119873095,0.26223229030723305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bohoheathen,2018/02/08,"One more catastrophe is all it will take I'm a college student. 21. I only have three people in the world I can call real friends, and I know 2/3 of them mean more to me than I do to them. My family relationships are... strained. I'd rather not talk about that.

Anyways, within the last ten days, I've done damage to my car (misjudged depth perception while parking, not a big deal but something I'm mad at myself for), been trash-talked behind my back for ""being too weak"", gotten an $80 parking ticket, had my prescription screwed up so i had to go through withdrawals from antidepressants for 5 days, failed a test for the first time in my life, and lost my wallet. Which caused me to have to withdraw from a class, because I had an exam with online proctoring where you have to show ID to take the test. Didn't have ID, got a 0 on the test. Even if I did well the rest of the semester, I'd get a C at best, so I have to drop. I don't know if I'll be able to fit this into my class schedule next year, and that's my senior year. In my major, there's no such thing as adding on an extra semester. It's Class of 2019 or bust.

And all of this has been on top of a progressively worse and worse depressive state. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety years ago and have tried lots of therapy and was even put in a psych ward against my will last year. I was doing better for a while but it's been really bad since like December. 
So please don't suggest I get some help. I've tried help. It doesn't help.

Like... just when I thought I couldn't get more sad, all of this happened. I'm so overwhelmed, I don't think I really want to die but I don't want to live this life anymore. ",2.8315384615384613,3.868530116809118,3.929131054131058,90.93762820512823,74.04273504273505,7.4512820512820515,23.756410256410252,7.882392219407189,0.9192085470085464,1305,36,299,18,26,424,191,351,0.165,0.72,0.115,-0.9619,0,0,1,0,0,2,50.0,0,1,2,7,17,18,2,2,19,0,34,5,0,1,3,37,54,22,1,6,10,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,12,11,0,0,6,2,0,3,10,12,1,4,16,0,33,6,46,33,12,41,0,7,0,1,12,18,1,5,20,194,45,12,0.11642059633369413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319983423299267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906143753809091,0.0,0.1154579484155906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895202523660677,0.09720633504707704,0.07096891494811214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217623327220528,0.10296455663774254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887844545970253,0.0,0.0,0.11959602196390325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016330679920073,0.12002452280880825,0.2005457780588797,0.11816445464439893,0.12082619855265783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191386904170718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378941177922176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975097705566983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902729976795102,0.0,0.0,0.08994626393363635,0.0,0.18247486950432806,0.0,0.06616450781013371,0.0,0.09311218611192994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295034885296192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341028150448836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279634301667469,0.1897966489239288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446262031311654,0.11375444547435355,0.0,0.1028015194868524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708683348848065,0.09897662776298413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681615927471285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381462496375285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888960906442602,0.08854310962476536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071138277764557,0.0,0.0,0.1277948543254604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703485489983555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251212633992854,0.14916403026221672,0.0,0.0,0.12499215127048288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630432034447887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962626285340014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750675994419125,0.18714893079842632,0.0,0.0,0.1331370980631568,0.0,0.07734467111039457,0.07459761727298565,0.0,0.09242494918214984,0.06788578595181237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808388572385745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733576814250836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467609765553687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372850675076684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29988418815885515
suicidewatch,JellyBeenKing,2018/02/08,"During short episodes of dissociation, I always question life to the point of suicidal thoughts. I guess, even out of dissociation, I still think too deeply about life. There are some things that make this apparent world feel so fake, it disgusts me.

Yet I'm very scared of death, because I do not know what to believe. In this world, I'm simply another mentally ill human being hardly capable of emotion and appreciation. What does my existence contribute to? I'm empty and unmotivated, I could just sleep all day and stay in my happy little fantasy land, hoping I die in real life and stay there.

Of course, this is just one of my many issues, but I don't see a point in explaining.",6.550703125000003,7.2934214140625,7.1515625000000025,72.2871875,65.328125,10.4625,31.625,10.411451182825502,3.2884031250000003,543,20,98,13,8,179,89,128,0.15,0.789,0.061,-0.8636,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,1,2,0,6,5,1,1,1,22,18,6,3,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,3,11,2,16,15,2,17,0,0,1,0,3,12,0,4,3,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322901627896654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671203756473918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691717727221713,0.0,0.0,0.1791242338242874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693841540215028,0.0,0.0,0.10253365036989062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500370778978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913085024624885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883930390783645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500960663478004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038875164960516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514242604618235,0.0,0.0,0.16924492822915652,0.1424213849569487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791025384416646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594142620024388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737525756804243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33689227753855483,0.0,0.1593470336097189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612525167715486,0.16118815960623425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602217956889218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773390338887057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005887595287345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810215250540853,0.0,0.0,0.1809623445503576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591740144152756,0.0,0.12669228722442835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910211028702004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389185977551513,0.12696745641722126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390629229208576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562409199222014,0.10187263681031213,0.0,0.12621815045095824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118116603846394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AppropriateSympathy,2018/02/08,"Does the feeling ever go away? I've never really felt suicidal per say but I've felt depressed enough to do enough drugs and alcohol to kill a few people in one go. I know it sounds kinda weird but like i've always wanted to not be here anymore because of the pain but like I never wanted to kill myself if that makes any sense... I honestly thought I would be dead by 20 and I'm pretty sure from what people have described before I have ptsd and I'm 100% sure I have social anxiety and depression but what I'm wondering is, is the feeling of not wanting to be here the same as an addiction where it never really goes away but you learn to ignore it or is it kinda just there forever. I'm just honestly looking for some honest opinions I'm pretty drunk right now so I'm sorry for the bad grammar and stuff.

Edit: btw this was a randomized reddit name",1.9862677484787028,4.152043793103449,3.931649763353618,85.10479716024344,79.45977011494253,6.852738336713995,22.30425963488844,7.928766900206844,1.2742722109533466,676,21,131,12,17,229,104,174,0.225,0.603,0.172,-0.9483,0,0,2,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,0,9,15,2,0,8,0,12,5,0,1,6,43,32,14,4,5,11,0,4,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,9,5,2,1,8,1,0,2,5,8,0,1,4,7,8,7,16,24,5,12,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,8,7,85,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519323061825944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253292298156558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318932721241424,0.0,0.0,0.08433356393785747,0.0,0.09487013580260094,0.0,0.12298826010968035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330298939500096,0.0,0.1035462537065512,0.07559759627741303,0.0,0.10552651881192916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136256243443969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852521856994148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438165122868208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562785919022385,0.0,0.0,0.11217748535229984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541009888025692,0.0,0.2381451866941593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095967940277168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27440555457798826,0.0,0.0681546825049493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211736525775914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414026858088538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278010314512399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869410160262237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403488796321333,0.0,0.13195931310379466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195096006969476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25233301927750285,0.0,0.0,0.14496537085223382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889269473993622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590701633210066,0.0,0.0986206663206457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264163427314763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882317630632304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419660086155584,0.13565085204527155,0.0,0.2337628762629451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845301987977546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194394678728689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448756012746585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809576947153061,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lance4548,2018/02/08,"I hate myself and I hate my life. I'm pretty sure my friends all dislike or at least don't care about me. I've tried getting help, but it hasn't done a lot. I don't see any options other than killing myself I have bipolar, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, major trust issues, and a few other things that I can't spell or rememeber. All of them are just getting worse over time. I used to be able to workout and I would feel great for a week. Now I just feel alright, and only during the workout. Right after the troubles resume. I'm thinking of jumping in front of a train near my school.",2.197295454545454,4.173453775000001,3.4145454545454537,90.01227272727274,77.91666666666666,5.363636363636363,25.07575757575757,6.11248444174946,0.7359166666666663,463,17,93,3,11,150,84,120,0.269,0.588,0.14300000000000002,-0.9624,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,13,4,1,6,1,9,2,0,1,3,19,21,7,1,1,5,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,3,15,6,13,18,6,11,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,4,4,63,20,1,0.1862320214007137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266441607206138,0.0,0.14246698663208765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118658096708448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189875957531622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040136714398054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058001626971305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883290113326951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388239776568829,0.0,0.1945970894772984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532146105107751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677311307974532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482739834236767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943778457441864,0.0,0.0,0.2060381391103747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154118425051153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158327804874779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163784421152875,0.0,0.21850315118314703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946491738476434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904112872173226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847674811062945,0.1484028095152764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552147620472952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372427988752177,0.1193299595941358,0.0,0.0,0.10859338931700037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643931794014046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084467242016476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938409422529014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978634005402584,0.13229388474533985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dektomi,2018/02/08,"I don’t know if I’m lucky or unlucky that every time I try to commit suicide my plan fucks up somehow. Kind of sad I’m incompetent enough so that I can’t even kill myself. I could’ve died a month ago. Instead, I messed up and got sent to ER & a psych ward for two weeks. Now I’m grinding away at school while staying at a residential program wondering why I am literally living for others because suicide is seen as wrong. :) just praying that I become another victim to a motor vehicle",3.1693181818181806,4.7931767777777825,4.969583333333336,81.47437500000005,74.15151515151516,7.374242424242425,28.536616161616163,8.07648339933343,1.9857161616161616,387,16,75,6,8,132,76,99,0.301,0.607,0.092,-0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,13,6,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,3,1,9,2,12,10,1,13,1,1,1,1,1,5,1,5,6,45,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689947630748296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656313422746497,0.0,0.0,0.1999072822605776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911669504701774,0.0,0.0,0.1162150603871774,0.21055176823312946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221404529744229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978587945358427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698663383797368,0.0,0.12591883213867694,0.0,0.16062613446281154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624768132422175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247574715904394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091978889668675,0.19852681167515301,0.1047731797439186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683425032465704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217054599842356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929423168694608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320157072787254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41706807460288137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116628624784604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943503743202187,0.0,0.18623188292549425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529234429827678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202692355526802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674572593794704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843973007740849,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smuckersgoober,2018/02/08,"Considering suicide and not telling anyone I'm talking with my boyfriend right now. I had waited quite a while for him to finish his football match, it's the most important one apparently ... Thought I could talk to him once it's over, about how I've been feeling, how I need help. But his team lost and he's really sad, and I somehow can't ... bring myself to tell him.

I don't know when will ever be a good time to tell him. It's sure to ruin his day, so I don't think I ever will reach out. Same for everybody else. I don't know how to do this alone ",3.0719871794871807,3.635077512820516,4.334262820512824,90.03677884615387,73.01709401709401,7.559401709401709,24.881410256410252,7.6454224807358475,0.9326076923076928,427,12,100,5,8,141,77,117,0.139,0.753,0.108,-0.7684,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,3,3,24,21,10,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,1,17,2,12,13,2,12,0,3,0,0,15,3,0,2,8,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966672105238367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327744488584342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161050963714887,0.0,0.0,0.12246236837200213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862746925585924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435300249932575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601332715615712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926945804068102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272782536294981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087154985762279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728572045511787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079991088187313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222504687994136,0.12867335665283042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196978526815051,0.0,0.0,0.1216474304621619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216373478718726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770719029366005,0.0,0.178967656640065,0.0,0.0,0.3052503543293734,0.4979127355138077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167287842660406,0.0,0.15075025203917866,0.11072550683197904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarDevourer,2018/02/08,"No other options I've been depressed for a long time. I tried dealing with it by myself for more than five years, but couldn't make any progress. Went to professionals for help for another three years. It only got worse. At the end I was just told they couldn't help me any better.

Can't keep living like this anymore. This has to end. 
Why go back to therapy when they admitted they couldn't help me? Can't deal with this alone either. 

The only option I see is suicide.",1.8594680851063816,4.258258989361707,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,81.44680851063829,5.4621276595744686,20.038297872340426,6.742157984588678,0.2212544680851063,371,10,77,4,10,116,65,94,0.205,0.65,0.145,-0.7641,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,3,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,17,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,5,1,9,2,12,9,2,11,0,1,1,0,10,1,0,2,9,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773825674811035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293697616364106,0.1795900094478011,0.0,0.0,0.16985238187423465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316949443413632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514731158273686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531407124785122,0.14751335246107095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033862028930732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973358647135816,0.0,0.13697910632970112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34439309969124293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152231357904708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836731631635015,0.0,0.15123326877662244,0.1515672785873283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432308806104854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26051490217345785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364788613465485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733999735105814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958605148642772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998680696959516,0.0,0.0,0.16365444052896247,0.0,0.1162801041184348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876766312433085,0.15454322862684028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453728587959108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205826638364408
suicidewatch,Rlionhearted,2018/02/08,"Just being Open To anyone who takes the time to read this, thank you:

I'm what you would consider an antisocial young adult. Homeschooled for the last 5 years with no friends. I don't have much self confidence (I'm short, among other things). I used to crave a relationship and I let it make me bitter.

I've been struggling with a pornography and masturbation addiction. I'm a Christian and it completely goes against everything I believe. I feel like the self worth issues and the addiction are very much related.

I've been apart of a group on reddit called Nofap Christians, and honestly it has been a God send for me. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for almost a year now. It almost feels like there is no reason to live sometimes. When I first joined I found freedom for nearly half a year and ended up falling back into the same lifestyle that made me miserable. It is so easy to feel like there is no hope. 

I can't count the number of times I've relapsed, and I feel like it is just taking one piece of me at a time. I don't want to get to the point where I don't care anymore. I've been so close to suicide before. I've got a caring family and a few people I know who I really care for. Sometimes I just feel like it wouldn't matter if I was gone. 

The isolation doesn't help. I don't get out a ton and its terrifying trying to make friends. I'm great when I know a person but meeting people is absolutely terrifying. That fear keeps me where I am at, and I don't like it. I don't know where I am going with this post, but I just feel like things are hopeless. I can put on a smile but there are times I am really struggling with wanting to live. 

If you've made it this far, thank you. 


",3.1436780873092123,4.552234118155622,4.248735190521933,87.49181129256056,73.81268011527378,7.561490020279646,24.37922937346569,8.167268648758528,1.2542330878428856,1337,40,285,21,27,436,166,347,0.14400000000000002,0.718,0.13699999999999998,-0.3448,0,1,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,3,0,1,16,24,1,5,22,0,31,2,0,6,0,55,67,19,2,7,9,0,6,7,2,2,2,0,0,4,21,19,0,1,12,1,1,5,12,7,0,3,11,7,32,17,33,52,6,39,2,2,0,0,17,18,0,5,22,182,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920754679840276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461116891833855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151452657231957,0.057472072069515226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320224021293296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994118149251162,0.09260467857701238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392943348015054,0.0,0.2514072909788106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617901938065183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279963467251788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387081660961574,0.0,0.07748534473642517,0.09249128823766542,0.2493590403302396,0.3523171722500988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991431572353915,0.0,0.09012166068848396,0.12700601772531095,0.0,0.0858861187304368,0.0,0.04671283877849772,0.0,0.06573818323626804,0.0906193583321646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509301698006549,0.0,0.0,0.08163735296474836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578935472772978,0.0,0.07305795145252524,0.0,0.0,0.13551529243010446,0.0669992157073427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404910369578734,0.0,0.2810914244930665,0.0,0.14515790912415533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554821473305278,0.10973048828343332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084433897895808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055696894173235714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396617117143658,0.07176877549026554,0.0,0.0,0.07770005449772667,0.0,0.07871929058903279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262783914435112,0.0,0.0,0.0822164090413399,0.0,0.10531137505299616,0.08450929220342214,0.0,0.08824577411851325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149288231584967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258426400919154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778156612591685,0.0,0.17981415419229507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235995674831598,0.0,0.0,0.1513466900809443,0.0,0.0,0.10921230343989437,0.0,0.0,0.06525298673188883,0.1917123170397364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580444343731668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098936921278086,0.0,0.06781879512889508,0.09696049752492177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583883773548139,0.0,0.0,0.15879104444354097
suicidewatch,Trowuny,2018/02/08,"Called the police on suicidal SO For the past months now they’ve been depressed. Today was really bad. SO wouldn’t even look at me and threw my hand away from them pretty harshly. And yelling at me to stay away from them. 

I got multiple texts that they were going to do it and lots of depressed thoughts. This happens very often. But what they were saying was a bit more serious and the way they spoke to me in person was darker and scarier than normal.

They didn’t reply for a while so I got scared. Thinking the worst had happened, I called the police to check on their safety. 

They checked. They were okay. I got multiple texts saying they hate me. They hate me so much. Did I do the right thing. She was embarrassed but I thought she was gone. I didn’t know this would happen. Please help ",1.3099999999999987,3.9253589743589785,1.7481538461538475,96.42184615384615,87.46153846153845,4.6584615384615375,18.056410256410253,6.2581,-0.20039128205128165,624,16,129,6,20,189,92,156,0.134,0.78,0.086,-0.6987,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,11,0,7,10,2,2,8,1,17,1,1,0,0,16,34,12,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,3,9,0,0,21,6,26,1,17,11,5,18,0,2,1,0,20,8,0,2,5,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622680713049603,0.0,0.11653816508321925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237827304845744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28504059730489484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24042915493984696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218707736125603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932291995262472,0.0,0.33488938692472026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702735447496615,0.0,0.0,0.27560016038810903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355327336410857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767060261152998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720671079114245,0.0,0.0,0.11866052330886455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140635326582242,0.0,0.1026026899479306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367525395732239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323883895831656,0.0,0.12187032477959182,0.0,0.15320995100734727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199657642779728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941445212782577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919513175009895,0.0,0.2219891320233315,0.13973756926675898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876693662460735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267091588008871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272652904571672,0.08943315713285313,0.0,0.2216117700637744,0.0,0.0,0.13229949724862886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151628759451259,0.0,0.11078706421166423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991491141234491,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blowfeld_623,2018/02/08,"I Fucking Hate Being Alive I have no creativity, drive, or passion. I have a very weak moral compass and I don't wish to strengthen it. Morals are stupid and pointless. I don't care about myself, anyone else, or anything around me. I am by all accounts an empty vessel.  I have no ideas, no goals, and no dreams. My perspective on everything around me has been horrifically warped to the point where I don't connect with other people or care about their emotions. I only care about them as much as they effect my pathetic life. I dislike responsibility. I gain no rewards from being responsible except for the avoidance of pain and misfortune. I'm not willing to try my hardest to make things work when shit hits the fan. I'd rather sleep on the cold ground and beg for money so I don't starve, and if a police officer harassed me for sleeping in a public space I'd attack him so that maybe he'd kill me but if not I'd be able to punish him for blindly enforcing a law I have zero respect for. I hate being responsible to other people. I hate having to do something I don't want to do...,

I'm fucking running out of steam here. Fuck life and fuck you. I deserve to rot in hell and I don't give a fuck. I didn't ask to exist and it's my right to end my pathetic life if I feel like it. I don't care for contributing to society. I'm to weak, stupid, and unconfident to find a way to make a real living. Or to develope relationships. Or to solve the problems in my life. Or to bring myself happiness. I don't want to believe in myself. I don't want to be responsible for the trajectory of my life. I can't trust myself to. I can't admit that to a person. I don't want to work on it. I want to die.  ",1.5343159663865578,3.567639440000004,3.798420168067228,86.16475630252104,80.31428571428572,6.403361344537816,22.865546218487395,7.5105763829236425,0.9944336134453788,1324,44,277,20,34,456,167,350,0.302,0.602,0.095,-0.9974,0,1,1,0,0,2,41.0,0,1,3,6,11,31,16,1,15,0,31,18,3,3,1,46,60,25,2,11,14,0,1,1,0,1,9,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,5,1,2,3,20,21,0,1,2,3,49,10,53,50,2,21,3,0,1,6,13,15,7,9,3,192,58,3,0.09382698917909277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560601242018259,0.09613683837457787,0.07721161751680114,0.16705182569254098,0.08771556916993538,0.1067417454951702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571088659448324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826514748364557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737760139672197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838040984284572,0.10554273405899284,0.08310286308684066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432564787498115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047441744914535684,0.06703001981706276,0.0,0.0,0.08575616829046122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337076979405505,0.0,0.09000739762847745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988057468691863,0.0,0.2779041802583577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591925012282076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380566190168328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313638862545926,0.04583912752861776,0.0,0.08285095043526762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252604877111115,0.0,0.09426182183489837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897363291837508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135965327676029,0.09983853178116156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009564075417873,0.08192610787550073,0.0,0.0,0.08869683233729488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977975703271814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679565502789527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073507260787792,0.0,0.08012773609698617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963120560622741,0.0,0.0,0.1877894998171228,0.0,0.0,0.07223260024201306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062334482453043176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370236668727883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741709242997959,0.27670794595646964,0.07447549672350377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789640705284262,0.0,0.0,0.13661433119285465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imlostidkwhattodo,2018/02/08,"What do I do now I finally tried to do it. I've thought about killing myself so much, planned it out before even, but this was the closest I've ever gotten. I was going to hang myself, and I had everything prepared the way I wanted it. I stood on the chair for so long and I came so close to letting it fall but I caught myself, ripped the rope away from my head, and immediately started crying. 

Am I just weak? I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm terrified of telling anyone what happened and the repercussions. I'm just as scared and alone as I was before but now I have to live with the fact that I'm not strong enough to do it. ",1.6225124378109437,3.357692917910448,3.118731343283581,92.59187810945276,78.77611940298506,5.9592039800995025,21.61442786069652,6.816661863887847,0.3360218905472636,497,14,112,5,12,163,76,134,0.208,0.7759999999999999,0.017,-0.9809,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,10,4,1,1,6,0,13,2,1,0,2,21,25,13,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,0,2,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,9,0,17,1,17,15,2,17,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099846025577771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417653191861741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904873497609583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34504529109551124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318883964005416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270790635399915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949170488143545,0.0,0.13391238942185313,0.18339614309048555,0.0,0.0,0.18221580531390505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209927584241446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522571330847578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792883794432474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807677167430144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288765274355033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430936205318064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732240171074875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902919260065153,0.17942459175597686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904227105708664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029849771588252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350527162229196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720969278819731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609583604486775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765180984477296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958535150294188,0.1609310210310598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jtow,2018/02/08,"I can't do this anymore I'm too alone despite all I did, and just need an end to it. Death doesn't actually scare me anymore, I now truly embrace the comforting void where the world can't hurt me anymore. 

I really haven't been happy, in a long long time. I don't think I can ever be happy again, nothing works anymore.

It's about time I got it over with. I just somehow need to force myself through that one last leap.

",2.4111688311688297,3.761470636363637,3.7946753246753246,90.2477272727273,75.5909090909091,6.392207792207793,25.07142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.8323974025974024,328,11,72,3,7,108,61,88,0.14,0.71,0.15,-0.0308,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,2,10,15,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,11,3,7,11,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,9,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.16092580179590768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707942985162101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6541751836263786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460589798604055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491681543702685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189148578228208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510939167378088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653674682479614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344215138122928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918756605221812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445534458556806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823306599408762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117454995609583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056438818486531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651010424615844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056659819599222,0.0,0.0,0.19231762342942854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005452704733345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EfficientReserve,2018/02/08,I don’t know where else to go There’s not very many friends in person that I want to talk to about what’s wrong but I feel like they’re tired of me being depressed so I guess I’m coming here.,0.34090909090908994,1.8216558181818208,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,81.72727272727272,4.4,15.545454545454547,3.1291,-1.418981818181818,152,2,40,0,4,48,37,44,0.268,0.636,0.096,-0.833,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,6,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25288285658752635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528497071028361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452384124811587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484368126105017,0.20972505351115497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268099255017685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684147212995765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32339827328682635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133730737545965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342250681234073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976318968951143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633227328654784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359588558533397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33741325558652874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422243630073116,0.17315402540850794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209705468799485,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JRP-,2018/02/08,"I haven't felt anything in a long time (if ever, I can't really remember anymore). For the past month, I've been thinking about killing myself. For the past month, I've been making it so I don't feel like I have a choice but to do it. I've stopped trying to get back in shape, stopped being healthy overall, I came back to a college I really can't afford, I let my grades drop to nothing over the past two semesters, I'm currently on academic probation and I haven't gone to a single class since the semester started.

I thought if I were depressed there would be a numb feeling, but there isn't; there is nothing. I've been pretending to feel things that just haven't been there for a while. Video games, television, school, friends, reading; they were all pretty good distractions, but they seem to be less and less useful. The past few days I've done nothing. I leave a TV show on because without sound there is nothing.

My distractions aren't working anymore. The emptiness is more oppressive than ever. I think I'm going to kill myself over the weekend.",4.167597087378642,5.8201603592233,4.381735436893205,86.57949635922331,71.62135922330097,7.480097087378643,30.350728155339805,8.07648339933343,2.08405922330097,838,36,163,12,16,261,112,206,0.188,0.71,0.102,-0.9537,2,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,2,1,12,9,2,2,14,0,25,1,0,2,3,27,42,9,2,3,7,0,4,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,9,7,0,3,9,6,0,1,11,5,18,3,20,26,6,30,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,3,20,107,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439963602872665,0.0,0.0,0.09310071279189193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398812575326142,0.0,0.06896622927330473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939664450751054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296290955500061,0.0,0.09744326878545502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157766924382661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046747133525192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161382223367938,0.08082388148474225,0.108627630735863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874080527405521,0.0,0.0591085251716797,0.0,0.06429739863890123,0.0948925226286328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503348958536685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197939480811458,0.0,0.11568851020156695,0.0,0.05527219327770348,0.0,0.0,0.10012118103249397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551869178253452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806070354222208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342254895081711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320017844932482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509927377093715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131659168019418,0.0,0.14495474135282455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816024137810242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449896439764715,0.0,0.10299412876793576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358668991548097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007774819827114,0.0,0.0,0.18917235463571191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516206672692992,0.1449850650768001,0.0,0.08981679148582282,0.06597010369644551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681144283534289,0.0,0.11051674966264516,0.0,0.0,0.09771257518820192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905839271200664,0.0,0.0823638464048156,0.0,0.0,0.08036807166575281,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,braininabox,2018/02/08,"I feel like I can't tell anyone that I have these types of thoughts, because it always becomes about their emotional reaction to my plea for help. And then I just have two crises on my hands. Just a fucked up world we live in sometimes.  Maybe this is the reason to talk to therapists rather than friends.",5.263983050847457,6.310633661016954,4.362500000000002,90.05697033898306,68.32203389830508,7.933898305084746,28.309322033898304,8.07648339933343,1.5625559322033902,242,8,50,3,4,71,51,59,0.071,0.77,0.159,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,8,7,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,8,2,10,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,2,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140558689264836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798779217312252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568196013780032,0.28411674230301565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28937603362893416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300753111448722,0.1837822512527356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987537398003961,0.23782710293296344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243187933594314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568127050629554,0.0,0.22715992373235616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25844613907740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644998744806284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544307040191677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677095561899556,0.22485126427506813,0.0,0.0,0.29869162799383336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042308762748317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25129969856706524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyPSNWasTakenAlready,2018/02/08,"Not Actively Suicidal. Title basically says it. I'll elaborate.

I don't wake up thinking about killing myself. I haven't attempted it for a few months now. I don't enjoy life. I know it's probably my fault because I don’t try. However, sometimes I feel like I can’t. I’m always alone because I don’t try and make friends. I’ve tried talking to people online using a bunch of different platforms. None really work. I think it’s just me. Sometimes I expect a lot from people. I need a lot of attention sometimes, to the point where sometimes I’ll actually change things about myself to get people to enjoy spending time around me. I don’t have a girlfriend. I would love to have someone I could just be nerdy with and trust. However, being depressed, clingy, over emotional and way too sensitive and attached makes that impossible. 
I don’t actively want to die. I smoke cigarettes because I don’t care if I get cancer. I only eat once a day because I don’t care if I starve. I get about 2-4 hours of sleep every day and I’m exhausted. I wish there was something I could do to fix this. I wish there was a way I could get brain surgery and have them change some things or put what is missing in there. 

I'll just end it here because I don’t really know what else to say. I’m not here for the karma. Just wanted to vent and tell people that I don’t want to shoot myself. I just don’t care about life enough to live it.
",1.7245579286481316,3.9154684740484456,3.362987710297101,88.70131487889275,80.52249134948097,6.615964682018852,23.460326929960623,7.753152298057669,1.1999196038658866,1115,39,231,19,29,369,146,289,0.14,0.723,0.13699999999999998,-0.233,3,1,3,1,0,3,33.0,0,0,1,2,18,14,1,0,9,0,26,9,3,3,0,42,52,10,3,13,10,0,1,1,2,1,4,2,0,0,13,9,1,0,6,0,1,1,16,5,0,0,2,3,36,9,26,44,7,17,1,2,0,1,8,7,0,6,8,142,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.08893112291146131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438467035376392,0.0,0.0,0.07582864426177761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811262873891393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27776434782665144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173280695820087,0.0,0.0,0.27874367779669,0.0,0.1928099237237208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182830773287557,0.0,0.0,0.11754445734747113,0.0,0.07849136103129177,0.0,0.09458002920261717,0.09521294062462343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325019663952913,0.07612861012716422,0.10251058483927324,0.0807153914743999,0.0941631208490242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678215428247817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046078785625037436,0.06510430674834035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040791129253403,0.0,0.19044962867543008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974609455638584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082341722568564,0.0,0.100166893496723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873763818013734,0.044522210016410456,0.0,0.08047071605006678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495335376490973,0.08224966720039002,0.0,0.12166186490243334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274023233625783,0.0,0.0,0.06757279537868982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705199120991406,0.0,0.06930955367557268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527162165667725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614865094554881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825508737225004,0.0,0.0,0.0916122507100677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167622461616392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494273051889886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119723695128024,0.0,0.07721535891384337,0.07015742164810135,0.3605252299990753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968298545424024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324798575219421,0.07965288041871388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108733602340126,0.11678667217275357,0.0,0.0,0.053139465568527534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561676243223246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870828957186224,0.0,0.0,0.16125502312921075,0.14467176340257493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095932777875724,0.0,0.0,0.06634476126124401,0.0,0.0,0.06473714815945229,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForeignContribution,2018/02/08,"I'm going to kill myself on my birthday this weekend I'll be 27. I really have nothing to live for.

All my jobs so far in life have sucked. Whenever I've felt like I wanted to do something specific and was motivated, I would just get crushed by never even getting a call back from the companies I applied to. I've even been rejected by volunteer organizations where I'd work for free because I wanted to help. I don't understand how I came to be so unwanted, but it's a problem I've had since I was a little kid. 

I wouldn't even think of going back to college and taking on more debt as a gamble that will likely fail or in general doing anything competitive as I'm an easy person to turn down or step over. I'm trapped in this shitty person and can never excel at anything.

I'm tired of seeing this town and these people. I'm tired of being told I should just shut up and pretend to be happy. My attitude was actually good before I had to deal with constant rejection, and where did that get me?

I'm tired of living, and I'm just going to end it.",4.266677588466578,4.6587123256880725,6.125976408912193,78.8767889908257,70.23853211009174,8.98086500655308,28.87418086500655,9.04235418022936,2.2803318479685446,829,29,167,15,14,289,128,218,0.222,0.684,0.094,-0.9858,2,2,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,13,12,2,0,6,0,21,4,0,2,3,31,45,15,1,7,6,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,4,2,3,5,4,6,0,0,10,2,16,7,32,27,2,27,0,3,1,0,7,15,1,2,9,110,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.12462859009424157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101923584213008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964054484261952,0.0,0.07785211276944452,0.0,0.10867359343762396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040833650270164,0.1460686232426191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801141307355022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166557064655635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311501653222443,0.0,0.0,0.2530579191749571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262364706662973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001729084998293,0.0,0.21774519423618496,0.10711885295896488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595190872247956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856027307629165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267345561896782,0.0,0.14129452014038665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090206835431656,0.12478736533551275,0.12800107864487442,0.2255442539543457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969988944787563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254320749721882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853949195048552,0.22302656497103304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220323492829355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181564360684823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177001136043727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564477156124988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983190165422192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602360768790558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183275898348549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403588264812493,0.0,0.12203438765163555,0.0,0.0,0.1389140948986471,0.0,0.1329528035080703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065581482436435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297593222071272,0.0,0.0,0.09072301392018926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mrssomethingstarwars,2018/02/08,"My head has me all mixed up Nevermind... Don't worry about me, I'll be fine eventually.",0.6016666666666666,2.797832500000002,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,85.1111111111111,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.4959111111111107,67,2,15,2,2,24,17,18,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.4949,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7108162938127273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7033777053975615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princessthrowaway234,2018/02/08,"First time in a long time I’ve had this feeling of dread Nobody in my life has any idea how depressed I really am. I haven’t thought about suicide in so long. When I was younger, I had at least a glimmer of hope that things could be different for me. Then it all broke down and now I feel like I just keep fucking up my life and I’m doomed to mediocrity and depression. Today is the first day in so long that the thought that life is long put me in agony. It’s only going to get harder and I don’t want to work for it anymore because it’s not working. I just want to disappear I don’t want anyone to feel sad I just want to stop existing.  My partner doesn’t even care anymore it feels like. I fucked his life up because I fucked up mine and I just don’t want to live anymore I can’t get better nothing is getting better even when I try. I’ll never be good enough. I don’t want to do this anymore. All I want to do and do is cry and lay in bed it’s like I’m dead already I just wanna go. I just wanna go. The people I care about wouldn’t care because this happened when I was younger it’s like nothing now. I’m so lost I just want help but no matter what I say or don’t say or do, I can never get it. I wish it was the end for me but I’m too coward. My punishment for that will be more of the same. 

I tried a long time ago and came close, then I panicked. It woke me up. It changed me. I didn’t want to die anymore and I was so blessed that I didn’t then. But now I feel like that never happened. ",-0.8180684784277581,1.1302245568862297,1.3517964071856277,100.62447182557965,89.35928143712576,4.144203899892522,18.74374328266544,5.369823440869387,-0.6046089973898359,1158,34,289,6,39,385,138,334,0.17600000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.132,-0.9708,1,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,8,23,24,4,1,8,0,33,7,0,1,5,57,74,25,3,15,13,0,5,5,1,2,4,2,1,1,22,11,0,2,8,0,0,6,16,11,0,2,13,7,42,13,33,55,6,46,2,6,0,3,5,13,3,3,32,189,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520804639914543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117721224474136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002450754278509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36476741040282795,0.05143608085776611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452766663516671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301187668876094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413503652167714,0.2250032977996144,0.0,0.07781856978649014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873306573389064,0.0,0.08080412010954859,0.04744123839920357,0.0,0.12671724230963352,0.0,0.07634547497107537,0.07685636425219594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515386970739939,0.07600894445249963,0.0,0.09717367448823627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597513683874486,0.15765757094607954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514316144097504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401993717005434,0.15373189754617145,0.0,0.12542050073992755,0.06170009962299056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130100812170994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930688548443756,0.0,0.0,0.07306340865924878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304225348765983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538505682672416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078353372562728,0.17969275856233127,0.0,0.06495636647503683,0.32549913696847804,0.0,0.0,0.08030133184252691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020605261168945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116895209091995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594702010568228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099845006748397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394986925459543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047125535998741766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169985006175459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150091073359895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046460690697459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048871153136802827,0.0,0.0,0.11679961347809062,0.12868333112418026,0.0,0.06972793068499343,0.0,0.0,0.0998871890817723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904975956149527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459237366673371,0.0,0.0,0.10710764953310284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tbestie,2018/02/08,"Death seems to be the only thing I can control i just moved country to be with my boyfriend. Now I am not allowed to work temporarily due to immigration process and I am living on savings. I look at all the jobs that my studies have prepared me for, but i don't have a desire to apply for them. I finally realized i'm too introverted to want to interact with people constantly for work, which is literally the description of all the jobs my studies prepared me for. I'm at a loss. My boyfriend keeps introducing me to new people, trying to get me to ""network"" professionally. I understand his intentions are good. However this makes me feel even worse. There is nothing i can control. I'm living in my boyfriend's house, not my own. I'm eating his food. I don't have any employable skills. And in the US without a job i cannot even go outside the apartment since I won't have money for a car. I don't even want to drive a car because I really don't have 3D awareness when I am in cars. My boyfriend is also super careful about his car. Whenever there is a tiny scratch he freaks out and gets mad about it for days on straight. I don't ever want to drive his car with this type of responsibility. I don't even want to be in it to ride.  I tried biking around yesterday and the cars next to me were going 80 mph and there is no bike lane on most roads or the bike lanes were taken up by parked cars. I freaked out and pushed myself until i reached home safely. I feel like there i have no control of my life whatsoever. i'm just a burden on my boyfriend. The only thing i can control is my death. i've been having thoughts of death for a week now ever since I got to the new country. Suicidal thoughts are not new to me as they  happened before. But each time it happens it lasts for so long and it feels so bad. I don't want to do anything because i'm afraid I would actually realize the thoughts of suicide if I get too triggered. ",3.521707509189568,4.6902176979695485,4.743138456152637,85.25515228426399,72.52791878172589,7.769508139331349,29.0684403990898,8.216663640201805,1.870090950463854,1519,61,321,23,29,502,184,394,0.14800000000000002,0.77,0.083,-0.9886,6,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,2,9,24,13,1,1,19,0,38,3,0,8,4,57,70,17,5,8,10,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,14,2,6,10,3,1,14,15,7,0,0,8,5,52,6,54,57,5,50,0,1,1,0,9,17,0,4,20,215,63,8,0.0,0.0,0.08788972292157797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202435379574255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061246783205313175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411520955148278,0.08017628347486921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751998926211705,0.10980467026052107,0.0,0.07663804917396957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182651249508113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732746591995847,0.4040588902470961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058083994944727275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921582194929715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23794636936922975,0.16293655349256075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661758342507307,0.06434192320735455,0.0,0.09866099125405754,0.0,0.0,0.10890605708284992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116457107596905,0.0,0.10237118558672098,0.07554162571462544,0.07203261386151934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928705007354507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034179317691188,0.0,0.0,0.10392206033693384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26812463383427043,0.08005324983775948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341439018364994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063615048246357,0.04400084665628698,0.0,0.15905677799621815,0.07970403330157404,0.07563129263001969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011859091806904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572405187255616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609538619535906,0.09578435909239316,0.0,0.0,0.08641908365253692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699585182184276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487843133363034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769746927104736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199111700971587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900416820266454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970313583084138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966938079713794,0.0,0.0,0.2145028793848288,0.05251719254313725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229543708045527,0.0,0.0,0.0937600678394516,0.10833621186981672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656111613600317,0.0,0.07224411438536382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681872981215466,0.0,0.13113570353439186,0.0,0.09178317230323567,0.0639790641138314,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twelve_dollars,2018/02/08,"Prepared I just finished writing my suicide letter. I don't know when I'm going to use it. I just feel so dead already, and I'm tired of burdening everyone. Lately, I've made an effort to be more social, I've been doing well in school, I've been exercising consistently and eating well - to my physiatrist and family I've never been doing better, but each day I feel more and more like a burden. The more friends I've made, the more desperate I feel. The more weight I loose, it still isn't enough. I don't want to hurt anymore.
And now I have my letter, so whenever it becomes too much, I'm ready. ",3.454253187613844,4.6202173032786895,5.075355191256829,82.8187340619308,72.68852459016392,8.045173041894353,25.850637522768675,8.515128840125781,1.7087020036429867,469,15,95,8,9,159,70,122,0.172,0.6629999999999999,0.165,-0.2472,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,0,0,5,0,10,4,0,3,1,19,22,9,2,1,3,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,4,1,0,1,4,3,2,0,5,4,11,5,6,16,9,9,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,8,61,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828963723968665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820172801098413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845073920743048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589190018402659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588357979106333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183865183381047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566523295993068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169911765220786,0.0,0.0,0.1693933941370232,0.0,0.2725662145788557,0.12836879417480207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882612571125222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212055373027884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235919753008346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875155712903694,0.0,0.20269533969742784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778624179036511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34004933623532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209099612012054,0.0,0.13858608631289973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185335477564554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316878947216486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434986788582538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654897320339496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652436145848072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519231719887205,0.0,0.0,0.10598434987177603,0.0,0.0,0.21881098100491106,0.32312130502302194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yellowdash34,2018/02/08,"I'm worthless and don't deserve to live I'm not smart, I'm not funny, I'm not pretty, and I don't have any useful talents.

Everyone in this world is better than me, and nobody wants to talk to me. People pretend to be my friend when they really couldn't give a shit because they feel bad.

Everyday my dysphoria eats away at me, and it hurts. All I do is hurt people and the world would be a better place if I didn't exist.",2.1502197802197784,3.24578797802198,4.1327472527472535,88.58725274725279,75.81318681318682,6.958241758241758,21.791208791208792,7.447530270364453,0.6661824175824179,330,8,73,4,7,113,58,91,0.233,0.62,0.147,-0.7789,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,1,10,1,0,3,0,11,2,1,1,1,15,19,7,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,1,10,5,8,14,1,8,0,3,0,0,5,6,1,1,2,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369281029871395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198525467096125,0.0,0.17642859493002916,0.12880792123209125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737594272305932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621500523021764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019084034211049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684079212650394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632516333151704,0.0,0.0,0.2027004208465645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45240696618296994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658380270127006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29298081964356393,0.0,0.22076593076491885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497040429752004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353656644935642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689877510961555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698367852642155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249734429222336,0.0,0.0,0.12463157157033253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010309181430626,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mr-test-subject,2018/02/08,I do not want to wake up to another day. I don't want to have to wake up every morning and try to lie to myself that it's going to be a better day. Every day I feel like I have a breakdown of some sort and I can't control it all. I feel like a problem to those around me. Whenever I wake up I feel like it's the last day I'm going to be alive and I'm getting to a point where I can't take it anymore. I want to be gone.,-0.1947277227722779,0.484879960396043,3.0030569306930697,96.01864480198022,81.07920792079206,5.8420792079207935,20.54579207920792,5.985473137389443,-0.17033762376237593,320,8,87,2,8,117,48,101,0.07,0.7859999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.8241,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,5,0,9,3,3,1,1,16,22,3,0,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,3,12,4,16,18,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,8,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639316688457608,0.0,0.0,0.176286662369317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824095268539776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572111602630306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936900590355452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585528935727443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995349999098596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963704998294863,0.3809677918957353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287042353985143,0.0,0.20204620659242664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489525505531334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605285101312053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680373284283984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008894366552504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365074998360124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068498085692747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145361301063093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wastededucation88,2018/02/08,"Leaving as soon as my affairs are settled I went to school for a degree to be an intelligence analyst. But now its basically a useless degree. During school I was horrible tried to get by with doing as little work as possible. Now I’m stuck. Can’t get a job to support myself, live at my parents and am sinking into depression again. I’ve felt this feeling for a long time and now am deciding to follow through. No one is being told or warned this time. That was a mistake I made the last time. I’m cleaning up my room and fixing things. Giving my parents my money. I just hope they look after my dog. I’m just done struggling, I’ve tried to make things right and fought to get a better job. I was lonely and I promised I wouldn’t do anything till my pup passed but I can’t take it. I don’t want to do anything but sleep. I work as a substitute and make shit money. I’ve been trying to get work for 3 years. I took the substitute job. But I just get more depressed. That’s not including how many times I’ve been used ina. Relationship wether it’s for money or my body. I’m just tired.  This is my end and farewell. I’ll always love my mom and how much her and my dad sacrificed to help me try and reach my potential. I failed them. I’m just a wasted investment. 

Talking and medications have not worked. I won’t be committed either, it has almost happened twice. And I wont put that stigma or burden on my parents. ",1.0666688144329903,3.353703900343646,2.919449097938145,90.32855509020621,83.87972508591065,5.836812714776633,21.808526632302407,7.1686216300943375,0.7402516323024062,1109,37,233,16,32,369,158,291,0.152,0.755,0.093,-0.9597,6,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,6,12,15,2,1,11,0,25,6,3,6,1,44,55,27,0,4,15,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,12,14,0,0,3,0,4,5,9,10,0,2,13,3,33,5,28,36,3,27,0,5,1,1,16,7,1,5,15,148,45,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110727163984573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401546235387225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661800738745918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930011457313002,0.0,0.11215535356597582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393131716988178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332777658401847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942980584467243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105366865887481,0.0,0.09694741940837058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637643360906511,0.09686000933671302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928779230564136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767833154778786,0.0,0.0,0.10028639097094977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005926295548436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230435330350472,0.0,0.10691307587704928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119886786082637,0.08915871410747861,0.08935562769311167,0.08478970694778326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112972921469052,0.09554063496086228,0.13479705367440606,0.10236813886773337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171705656621274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182553135324117,0.0,0.0,0.07422486267225539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842015697565125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33634704441474506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382895625149307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150314140015414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084044237520143,0.0,0.08622817091678915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204374873097882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036446658299824,0.0,0.0,0.10104332079849104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555618634021824,0.0,0.0,0.11458001470829095,0.0,0.0,0.07591717576762236,0.08115618377951704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416049594773885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355066116474364,0.11605062281301065,0.0,0.09648154532117492,0.11218183089640993,0.2742090981263233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720600775392852,0.0,0.0,0.059554958670211475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360057347515878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294030618449568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650216279167649
suicidewatch,AfterAnalyst,2018/02/08,"People are reaching out to me and I don't know what to do. Throwaway. I didn't know where else to post.

I run a blog for an (unrecognized) issue some people have which answers questions and points them to resources. Recently someone asked me if there were any stats on suicide in our little community because they were struggling. I answered with a stat.  Since then people have been sending me messages like this:

>I need help. [issue] makes me more suicidal and I hurt myself... I am obsessed and scared. Please.

>[Issue] causes me a lot of distress and makes me even more suicidal. I also deal with severe OCD and panic disorder and it is not a good combination... And my [issue is] always dark and painful and results in panic attacks daily. Help.

This is my community, that I love and want to help... but I have no idea what to do.  They're reaching out and I don't know how to handle it.  

I did read the ""concerned but don't know what to say"" post listed in r/SWResources but I didn't really see a way to apply it to this situation where I am receiving anonymous messages with little information.  

I don't even know where to begin, how do I reply to messages like this?",2.8798149637972656,5.254694938053099,4.080080450522928,84.10729686242959,77.49557522123894,6.232984714400643,25.75945293644409,7.348242739294969,1.4189274336283193,920,35,170,12,22,300,121,226,0.154,0.768,0.079,-0.9316,0,0,0,0,0,3,43.0,1,0,2,0,9,13,1,6,7,0,22,2,0,6,0,42,35,20,3,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,12,17,0,0,10,2,0,3,8,9,0,0,6,2,27,4,23,29,4,21,0,1,1,1,17,12,0,4,5,123,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840055957622403,0.08740704864505247,0.0,0.0,0.0714351776938433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820423608359076,0.11950548430318048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403533149961199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791162466120167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829826145382304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039231479752086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775281680750556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876435861550065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810796541128282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123123239733635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124543808142858,0.11858463831781862,0.0,0.4385647430240278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28865386615203786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264076364744447,0.21056824822741216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930672216350387,0.09480850847346188,0.0,0.14023862153018934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789060018477059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177681269195704,0.2464987148656144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847791342466172,0.0,0.0,0.11530944029028255,0.0993028346637449,0.0,0.2012108935763674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767604770870335,0.0,0.1050748616131005,0.0,0.06729543584429068,0.0,0.10372068122780644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353714101412532,0.10516980648927864,0.0,0.08370840793344056,0.0,0.0,0.1186725707695062,0.0,0.08689549618466555,0.11807659371407354,0.0,0.0,0.08900550311077496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098173414241818,0.0,0.34471124903421474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195910876042859,0.08338097024153462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jfjrjjrjrjh4iribsn,2018/02/08,Everyone at reddit is constantly telling me they want me to die so I'm killing myself Haha it's my fault for being an autistic nexkbears right killing myself.noe,2.6080000000000005,5.531317133333335,3.27,82.305,94.33333333333334,6.4,32.66666666666667,7.554174236665415,3.232866666666668,134,8,21,3,5,42,28,30,0.378,0.521,0.102,-0.9281,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435350253605921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299281482520845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30376535913321123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7034145289690249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27148333102195604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778570440403691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750459840167955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Phoenie81,2018/02/08,"How can I help my friend? My friend is bipolar a couple of weeks ago she said she thought she was getting manic. Instead she has plunged into horrible depression triggered by a guy she had a couple of dates with dumping her. She'd convinced herself it was going to work despite all evidence to the contrary. 

I'm in a different country and its all by text because she won't Skype me. She won't reach out to helplines etc. She's got a vague plan but not the means or a time. I'm not judging, I'm feeding her emotions back but I'm frightened and I don't know how to help her. 

Any advice? ",1.2464081373172284,3.5193313140495914,2.6680991735537205,92.51165924984106,82.96694214876031,5.0453909726637,27.48951048951049,6.297961479604792,1.084717228226319,463,22,96,4,13,150,79,121,0.108,0.794,0.098,0.1212,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,8,0,10,2,0,3,2,18,21,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,1,18,3,12,12,3,9,0,1,0,0,19,3,0,1,5,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225262795607307,0.183469990646402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074943872395973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915025432293953,0.0,0.1261694484151871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580256578424219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826642987414354,0.0,0.0,0.21624381052844494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328179272661925,0.0,0.0,0.23083075601054245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198152463176589,0.0,0.10813538881460548,0.0,0.1176281117045453,0.0,0.16553604026585098,0.0,0.0,0.20493683139494068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27746066070617714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137475147623294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254553965989396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687970033976745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431426162622692,0.12068822209038815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602208342539365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506795598330792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tunnierous,2018/02/08,"Just Feel so Empty and Tired Don’t really want to continue, improbably gonna kill myself later this year once I get my A level results, the only thing holding me back at the moment is my brothers.",7.280769230769231,6.352069,8.656025641025643,67.73480769230771,64.12820512820514,10.876923076923077,32.32051282051282,10.125756701596842,3.2728358974358978,157,5,27,3,2,55,37,39,0.239,0.7240000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.8637,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,6,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908004879642961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122141441515955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758575923911445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184050466293013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027540825833628,0.0,0.2876263058270572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227463417772674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124893536232024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346673769193762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306297924340385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435383780330672
suicidewatch,Sashahereiam,2018/02/08,"The actions of the nurse make me want to commit suicide again I just rescently recovered from a drug overdose in the attempts to commit suicide. I'm 18 and I'm diagnosed with BP disorder. Anyway, I wanted to say something. When I was at the ER, I was in and out of consciousness. I was confused, mumbling, whatever.. My parents said that the nurse I had was very rude. I don't remember her very much. I know that the nurse that greeted me was cold and acted like she didn't want to have anything to do with me. She was rude to my parents. They said she never made eye contact with them. It was like she didn't like to have me as a patient because I wanted to die that day. I vaguely remember a nurse with a bad attitude (probably the same one) walked in and set two cups down on my table. She said angerily, ""here drink these."" Was she thinking I would refuse?? I swigged them down.. I do remember her saying, ""I've never seen anyone take them that fast."" I wasn't asking for anything from that nurse. I felt bad because she told another nurse that I'm just an attention seeker. I didn't want to die for real. However,  I think living with BP disorder can make every day a challenge. I'm not sure it is a result of chemical imbalance in the brain or just a character flaw. If you were me at that time, you would feel the same way I do. I felt sad and worthless. I just wanted to run away from the ER and jump off the bridge. The actions of the nurse make me want to commit suicide again.. ",2.2590555555555563,4.173767150000003,3.729333333333333,88.11522222222223,77.5,6.977777777777778,25.44444444444445,7.921354282810032,1.4622111111111114,1155,43,239,19,27,381,139,300,0.171,0.7559999999999999,0.073,-0.9894,3,0,3,0,0,7,43.0,0,2,4,2,9,12,2,1,21,0,24,5,2,5,6,55,52,10,5,10,7,2,3,3,0,2,2,5,0,0,11,12,1,1,11,1,0,6,8,7,2,2,22,11,44,5,38,28,3,29,0,2,2,0,26,12,0,3,12,163,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952821826047814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636781844289456,0.0,0.15621637176231884,0.0,0.08873410766075683,0.0,0.08917716912132054,0.0,0.1585026130707365,0.1157204256350458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059581963484928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242657077591212,0.0,0.0,0.09633824186533273,0.19701666757341424,0.0,0.2175650470653369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929820275198035,0.11007299725580777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997123860807084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799263050673394,0.0,0.18226943530094356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216362197253208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911421138883753,0.0,0.08381300178849972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898122801456765,0.1900724872570224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977454318600441,0.0,0.14641090079486233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431787174562538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078706452336204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233603250822268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803574827847504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225656492612873,0.0,0.27086195994825024,0.1509628089384998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307135309210372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114697115269038,0.0,0.08945767084826896,0.0,0.07136538982290982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163731161032465,0.0,0.0,0.05534657004871056,0.0,0.0,0.09069677609765532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271962122274137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566320934691971,0.3918894451602734,0.07534029371169836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485190590561533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dolltone,2018/02/08,"Not sure what to do So after reading a lot of the posts on this thread and hearing other peoples' stories it makes me feel dumb because here I am living what I think to be a normal life, I go to college and have a couple close friends and family that cares about me but yet I still have these feelings of emptiness/uselessness. Some days are hard to get through because I've always hated school but I'm forcing myself to go in hopes that I'll do something with my life but as each day goes by I'm losing more and more motivation to finish but as I think about the alternative which would be to work a shitty job with little pay it makes me wonder if I should just end it all(no attempts made but I did have a plan and date in the past). I tell myself its because I'm lazy and I can fix that but the same loop of thoughts always reoccurs, all I want is to be happy in life but in this world even thats too much to ask for. The only reason I'm still here is for my family and how I don't want to put them through that but even those feelings are starting to fade away. It feels like everyone has these high hopes for me and I don't want to disappoint them, I've wanted to get help but they make it so hard, I just don't know what to do anymore I tell myself love will save me and give me a purpose but its a stretch. I'd like to hear your thoughts and experiences",3.6788617738116898,4.1050840761245695,4.551101802950285,89.52503551265707,71.56055363321798,7.3298852668002175,25.59114915315972,7.0608816371341465,0.8789612456747409,1074,30,242,9,19,348,152,289,0.083,0.759,0.157,0.9735,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,3,5,15,14,2,0,12,0,23,4,0,7,2,60,59,26,0,10,14,0,6,2,1,3,3,2,0,0,22,14,0,0,12,1,1,3,4,4,0,0,4,8,29,10,37,49,8,27,0,2,0,1,13,11,1,6,14,166,51,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603701581328282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049066161910748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988912274717158,0.0,0.09938500481208268,0.0,0.0,0.1934498791324434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785107592224767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704498627591813,0.0,0.13644036299400564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369082609667877,0.0,0.0,0.1397350898502144,0.0,0.0,0.10107855651532237,0.0,0.10347440023894916,0.19944237334152895,0.0,0.21394479599895275,0.07557017528234611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172636286886366,0.0,0.11053271696059394,0.10147505302930583,0.1202358905828573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260615104980964,0.1895185179844273,0.10443712469496064,0.0,0.0,0.2384464053592614,0.0,0.07090296944813172,0.11176374152418776,0.0,0.21012937974263826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497160879629322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813463100295141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414936204561245,0.10335879092924474,0.10602064312201888,0.093406817777911,0.0,0.0,0.11834220659692404,0.0,0.08993147066188614,0.0954717449227206,0.10009281503788107,0.21182949903897969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776142008800327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364320548760853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045143833956461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098021146944053,0.07333542793284246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013092359351521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633941424077198,0.0,0.0,0.10580991671780277,0.0,0.0,0.1087607847896689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070563136813807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143560566274882,0.0,0.0,0.07487254208029236,0.0,0.1689541509494366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969761470716287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849150213135296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556075976435866,0.0,0.1679570580178802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24957018404610906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147152975429048,0.07701003955019342,0.0,0.0,0.07514399396954999,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unapolgeticcupcake,2018/02/08,"Emotions and anxiety I was raised by my parents, one of which is emotionally abusive. He's led me to attempt and think about suicide too many times to count. I have chronic anxiety and panic attacks due to living in this situation for years. Tomorrow, I'm leaving home and my parents don't know this yet because they'd make me stay. If I stay, I'm afraid I'll kill myself for good this time but I'm having so much anxiety about leaving. I know it's what I need to do if I'm too get any better and live a good life but because of how long I've been in the situation, I find myself questioning it over and over. ",3.5383902012248427,4.464412637795277,5.151128608923887,83.26497812773405,72.22834645669292,8.164129483814524,29.85914260717411,8.515128840125781,2.1452439195100608,483,20,101,8,9,164,80,127,0.14800000000000002,0.7759999999999999,0.076,-0.6124,2,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,2,2,2,0,8,2,0,3,0,19,18,12,2,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,13,3,15,15,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,7,61,20,0,0.0,0.15894210631530828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912244723945922,0.0,0.3078659674921164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526114318710156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354937495083394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864200609875955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017943484735971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260780984859615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008620340677225,0.0,0.0,0.2250320617344242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456024931330945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841363728543508,0.0,0.14744722415185288,0.0,0.0,0.2840843342895037,0.0,0.0,0.09475190220483304,0.0,0.0,0.2369082896133237,0.1187157595082698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954407808198825,0.1360038720433928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986133853459921,0.09946820510206722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090139156020546,0.0,0.0,0.1573924495990911,0.2979084501403401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502751965105355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015734071491035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859654314238781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673490399178746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595589834463775,0.0,0.0,0.156444238559693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638618676725965
suicidewatch,NewC71,2018/02/08,"I had a mental breakdown for the first time. I lurked this sub for a while, and even posted here on another account a few weeks ago, however I'm not touching that account ever again. 

Today I realized that I'm not just feeling down, I'm not just feeling moody, I'm not in the blues, I'm not miserable. I'm depressed. I'm extremely depressed, and that I've been like this since middle school. Today was that reminder. 

Currently, I'm at school writing this, crying to myself all alone in the library. My parents are sad because they don't know what to do at this point. I'm completely beyond help. Earlier this morning, I had a complete break down. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, I was just trying my best to cry my heart out but all damage was done. I couldn't move. It was right then I realized: This isn't normal. Im not normal. I'm not who I used to be. Kids at the library store at me as if I was crazy, nobody even cared to wonder why I was crying like this. Even the teachers just store at me as I broke down right in front of them. 


I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate who I am. 

At first I thought my family didn't care. They gave me cheap, unhelpful advice, until today. Where they received a reminder that I was not normal and that their ""advice"" was flying past my ears, all because I broke down to my mother and sister today on the phone..

My family is worried and I am looking into changing schools at the moment. However, I feel like there's no point because I just want to end it all. My life is beyond repair, I am not who I am. I'm just depressed. I can't even remember my own name anymore. I am just a person. Living here, making people around me suffer because of my problems..

I hate myself. 

Thanks for reading this garbage. I plan on killing myself in march. Maybe right now though, as I have just enough medications to overdose and I'm alone too so nobody will see if I were to destroy myself in school right now. 

 If you want to talk and know more about me just comment or PM me.",1.4038397950867392,3.587708958435212,2.9506444289207145,91.25254482477592,81.66503667481663,5.36223076027477,21.96303411340086,6.5431188927421005,0.466021259750844,1560,50,323,15,42,511,183,409,0.182,0.738,0.08,-0.9941,4,2,0,0,0,3,59.0,0,1,5,4,28,24,6,1,13,0,32,6,3,2,5,61,65,20,1,12,23,3,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,2,20,10,0,0,10,1,5,3,17,17,0,2,16,8,59,7,44,44,9,58,0,9,3,0,23,32,0,5,24,227,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885567419970164,0.06751593150872348,0.0,0.0,0.15776853447893815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986594455133425,0.0,0.0,0.07553549863040987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678032535428104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571860842595508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993076983996647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553111728010585,0.0,0.08057277464887126,0.0,0.15971570894476106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25099197446638016,0.0,0.0,0.19680315065067616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794353277814145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745983736066535,0.07869910189139766,0.0,0.20122581532467845,0.06889586277287722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360370837760802,0.0,0.11553437308278015,0.05441249635907264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295723086828242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007898100532308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025623199525287,0.05105198648183065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227158015175534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426560540623118,0.0,0.08371689984747435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759558957950054,0.1116315361338622,0.0,0.06725534396690043,0.0,0.06395965848892296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050840920606303804,0.0,0.07651826825337367,0.0,0.0,0.0767285138098182,0.07675669518127909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095164652143598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238774299583192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457253782692438,0.0,0.07270838486731554,0.052803420006344894,0.06650459090799678,0.0,0.0,0.14400163030791172,0.0,0.07294529106047559,0.0,0.0,0.07287989345659822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618589855919257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628042280647354,0.2601789562668845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083333474688757,0.060693872706214375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630047126014986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243754544402008,0.0,0.07012276327939987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483200791337198,0.060466730252598765,0.04441259144264338,0.0,0.2887831457827408,0.0,0.0,0.05171123035463482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578235348258223,0.0,0.0,0.08984851947216768,0.0,0.06109519913307019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687273249010151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259800492141267,0.0,0.07734954625265318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amalion2010,2018/02/08,"Where do you find help? To be short I have failed schools many time (btw I'm 20) , now im repeating a year again and I'm not sufe i will pass. My mom and step father have really closed minds and even if i live with then we barrely know each other or talk, sometimes i imagine how i beat the shit out of my step father and turn my self in.

Now, I left my group of long time friends, like a year ago when my GF left me without any explanation (later found out she went with one of those friends and i gave up on everything even school, wich made my parents confused and angry).
At the moment I have a GF, and she loves me way to much tbh. But no one knows about anything that i said here, not even her, how I feel, no reason to go on, a fear of failure that stops me fron living (And I do NOT want her to know any of those).

I tryed writing, and i still want to somehow write my book, but motivation is cruel, it leaves me alone everytime i sit to write, I dont know if my GF is only pretending that she likes what i write or she really does...

The thing is, i see my self closer to a suicide of some kind rather than passing the year, or writing that damn book or anything else. Where do i seek help?",2.669200702678964,3.4057269367588923,3.697200263504613,93.58995498462893,74.09881422924902,6.887044356609576,23.146464646464647,6.937597516519254,0.4225592446201141,917,23,220,8,18,296,142,253,0.124,0.7659999999999999,0.11,-0.3678,1,1,0,0,0,1,33.0,1,1,0,3,16,12,3,2,9,0,12,2,1,5,0,54,30,21,1,5,13,4,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,2,10,16,0,1,10,3,0,6,7,6,0,2,5,3,39,6,25,23,3,39,0,1,1,1,31,14,2,9,19,138,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034107233477814,0.0,0.0,0.11723650682548648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395378352963615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630067295604108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905823510277996,0.0,0.13266440382079542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945604014649416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429388486452384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173290919041222,0.0,0.0,0.1273765237619133,0.05723509808523055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345873054121674,0.0,0.0,0.12411313619778293,0.1749092843546969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433166984728689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174525342201972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227067583355722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787580164166865,0.24883737261785205,0.0,0.0,0.1198577995501778,0.2459747079933756,0.0,0.0,0.11060330790817867,0.0,0.19990758279062465,0.1001745467040704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216345126799482,0.10710841662814748,0.0,0.11476257481211835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429529071289744,0.13257332228857782,0.0,0.0,0.08321179274686298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340854039986934,0.0860903569626512,0.0,0.0,0.12569032146924794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450320037966023,0.11638393270932974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767494010023523,0.0,0.0,0.22911998716629786,0.09020224020319108,0.0,0.2361754021975897,0.0,0.11619365993904512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195334589061563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039815487304667,0.09463659277263148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238176174244048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098233801531523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520212892082928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320105329494101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685238416453408,0.12312431125980774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353139903527275,0.08984940093571438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493345815126406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911652201399956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868277143862888
suicidewatch,StardogChampi0n,2018/02/08,"this world we live in. im not sure this is the correct place to post this, but i thought id post it here. this world we live in makes me so depressed and demotivated. theres so much suffering going on and so much corruption yet we dont do anything about it. we as humans only really care about ourselves and the small amount of people around us. we're too busy with our social media life to think about our real life and how we could change it. why do we allow large corporations to control the media and bribe the politicians that are supposed to help us. the planet is slowly being destroyed by us and we fail to realise that we're not as intelligent as we say we are. i often think the planet would be better off without us. we're killing thousands of animals daily to meet our needs hearing about people getting bombed, getting thrown in jail for expressing their opinions and going against the system. its all a bit too much sometimes, and i think to myself, why not just end it all? because of my family. i dont want to upset them, but at the same time i could be somewhere else. on a completely different planet in a different universe, living happy. yet i live here sadder than i was yesterday. i dont know what to do. i try to make myself happier with music and creativity, but it seems the darkness in the world is outweighing the positivity i once had.",4.01410914927769,5.699817355805247,5.057710005350455,81.44685393258429,72.07116104868912,7.6325307651150345,26.946495452113428,8.269060116576782,1.8425888710540388,1082,38,203,17,21,355,147,267,0.116,0.752,0.132,0.7735,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,16,0,2,3,18,10,2,1,14,0,19,2,0,5,4,53,35,19,1,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,13,21,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,3,2,32,4,37,26,8,25,0,3,0,0,25,15,0,3,5,150,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914746348304581,0.08562007052176764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863007864583855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506287658221172,0.10500301087062006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806132355911933,0.0,0.1017450680772288,0.0,0.10084228668061153,0.0,0.10787339216324272,0.15358287328782286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283918915964614,0.0,0.0,0.2009740357465561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381646740283329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034555971415701,0.0,0.08518641407908659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066939266207164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049954930032808,0.0,0.10932195593824648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238477565864157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840119075075498,0.0,0.06446703446304104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038902726118145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640827247155,0.0,0.052857691145151264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358687302787234,0.0,0.0,0.3397127419424464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840101264329068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121088095912073,0.07131581749728799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242793796062773,0.0,0.07314877907662294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335739241124245,0.0,0.10048701787327803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422658614414067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947323056182608,0.06161499602888215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648573112386169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755812712035696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804280137780293,0.0,0.0,0.0951239006825603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064796034969186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848836566279076,0.0,0.07635571212197638,0.05608299030919873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529950936551601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627679756825994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056729110857683375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357392447493586,0.0,0.0,0.0927135238372197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832309685519347,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MacabreAngel,2018/02/08,"Tired I don't have a huge history of self-harm, though I have done some. No one noticed. I have a script for xanax and flexeril, only took enough to make me tired for a few days. Think my doc is catching on. Sometime I wanna go, but not yet. Thoughts/suggestions welcome. I'm just really damn tired.",1.0677142857142847,3.4827705333333365,2.109523809523811,95.20500000000004,85.33333333333334,5.428571428571429,21.904761904761905,6.868970318607317,0.5299761904761908,232,8,50,3,7,73,49,60,0.3,0.7,0.0,-0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,6,4,0,1,0,8,11,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,0,6,1,6,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563111288695887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521786531739215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217304144523104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952275185184033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403820690910262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394367892870159,0.0,0.0,0.14250998730246622,0.15994853540269593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347285422677982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939686982617315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079997614181568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475672672792158,0.20662631557093936,0.0,0.0,0.7251535299492652,0.0,0.0,0.2336596699464474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,camp-cope,2018/02/08,"I feel like today is the closest I've felt to killing myself I've just been crying all afternoon. I just drove 1000 miles to be close to my parents and my mum is the best support system I have and yet she's still keeping on saying how I need to get better and get a job asap but even just if I start new meds tomorrow -- I've been lowering or off my old meds for maybe just over since they weren't helping -- itll be a while until those kick in. 

Long story short I don't feel as though I have anyone who actually understands what's happening and I dunno I just want to drive my car real fast into a tree. ",1.7766596194503173,3.3268637906976766,3.619295278365048,90.00158562367866,77.75968992248062,6.551374207188162,21.029598308668078,7.348242739294969,0.5306837209302322,475,12,105,6,11,160,90,129,0.079,0.8420000000000001,0.079,-0.2458,3,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,2,10,5,1,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,25,24,12,1,3,8,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,4,16,4,13,16,2,25,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,3,13,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.17288280087803745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238745319829168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591870142971456,0.15668380134723284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946021624108716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701264217210575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915504176971206,0.12656328326228086,0.17010157575182586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511778640403947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666218099746546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874674860648475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580416359952816,0.15746812700376953,0.19600151435651186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655152568556244,0.0,0.0,0.1567812033125601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798123423308382,0.0,0.39357009164348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136204453256511,0.0,0.17110242644536144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858998297919844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967154381332528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016470944714787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088490282510746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654874930237385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253949023734605,0.0,0.14148036566713554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103929707967924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405899836180128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792715610712558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844300175239211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449367683492113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AalisXM,2018/02/08,"To no one in particular Hello reddit, internet, electronic space, world, etc, Im writing because I don't know what else to do. Im in tough space right now and Im afraid I wont be able to hold on to life much longer. The truth is Im at a path, a roadway that divides in two separate directions. In recent years, more or less in recent days, I come to realize that I like girls. I mean Im attracted to them and I cant explain why. I have always been and always will be a believer in God. I know the implactions that the belief carries and I know I wont be accepted, but I have been trying to fight this for years. I'm at two cross road with two options live and possibly go to hell or kill myself to prevent myself from becoming a disappointment. I have no one else to ask for help because my family is extremely religious. On one hand I dont want to be hated by God and on the other I cant shake this feeling. Please help me!",1.6607773109243702,3.2624042193877543,4.077899159663868,86.36121848739498,78.23469387755101,7.877070828331332,24.284513805522213,8.671277953709913,1.6506258103241302,721,25,158,16,17,252,108,196,0.17,0.6920000000000001,0.138,-0.9112,0,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,1,0,1,12,4,2,8,0,19,2,1,0,1,26,31,9,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,2,9,0,0,4,8,8,0,6,2,2,19,4,27,22,4,26,2,1,0,0,9,16,1,3,7,102,26,0,0.11258853682366088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873653638338436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525508359484093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726585407737266,0.12434519328964007,0.0,0.1268487260663041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698505520322638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261029203400249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195292664166253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881065509413418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556597999400765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613845239417316,0.0,0.056928147125061314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398666008073578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115787083659084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093144593680052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080747002973694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456253461585465,0.0,0.1856271461810196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952461319715838,0.055005072025377036,0.0,0.09941774073290828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264192306154628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276552916847235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887871909784366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358840372931737,0.0,0.12692665853016452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233519466215354,0.0,0.0,0.09614999527409264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644022599760876,0.0,0.3299479221673978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664076360869982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159364245669723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500665270851726
suicidewatch,Deathgetme,2018/02/08,"Time is ticking So today I was at work and everyone just kept asking me why I kept spacing out..I honestly am just tired of living there isn’t anymore excitement in life.But here’s my story. I’ve recently been broken up with my “soul mate” and I see she is moving on now.We dated since I was 8 I’m now 18. There is no chance she will get back with me.She has made it clear and I see her everyday swaying all the attention . I’m in junior year high school and started working this year. Working has made me fail this whole year, but life won’t seem to let me stop now that I started. So my girl left me, I’m borderline dropout who is behind,and starting to work my life away recently.Im trying to save up enough money to buy a gun. Sometimes I have deranged thoughts but I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just hate myself and am truly disgusted in what a waste I am. So the question is do I drag it on till I’m 21 to kill myself. Or do it as soon As I have enough to order the gun.Help.Time is ticking",-0.10827906976744116,2.008322637209308,2.143534883720932,95.01204651162793,87.74418604651163,5.1144186046511635,19.762790697674426,6.55674776486733,0.12868744186046488,777,24,177,9,25,262,123,215,0.183,0.74,0.077,-0.979,1,0,0,2,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,6,13,8,3,0,5,0,23,3,0,2,2,26,42,14,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,8,7,0,3,4,0,2,1,4,5,0,0,8,2,25,3,22,31,4,31,1,2,2,0,8,12,0,3,17,109,33,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875735121563422,0.09078077343649403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213743514949458,0.0,0.12198039012953625,0.09983193650142452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26830002015783844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240589742967989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783127878508534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818111986195274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702290542701897,0.1371734581009916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898664750552733,0.0,0.14023963477749646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363863808956334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410616363176471,0.13276087611594656,0.2751101806686877,0.0,0.0,0.11464304997370076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456982449328191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798968394508165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544030427541546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281923359184151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139578685312106,0.2069168119987728,0.11819316150070508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739744961987063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840606492754594,0.0,0.2756849056921465,0.0,0.0,0.10854443321378986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307122035546464,0.07570543305415757,0.1492215032912314,0.12306449815284118,0.0,0.0,0.0881466485200874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657761971286713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171521797147232,0.14495154645623515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780737219255666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508204995973958
suicidewatch,Dann533,2018/02/08,"No...no...it's all over. I can't. I fucking can't. My parents found out I used to cut myself. I don't know how. But they did. I'm freaking the fuck out. They told me that, unless I start acting ""normal"" and see a ""expert"", they will take away my phone. I know, sounds stupid. But the thing is, i can't make friends in real life. So all my friends are online. This means, if they they take away 
my phone, I won't be able to speak to my friends. I don't know what to do right now. I'm so fucking...I don't even know.  I want to end my life more then ever now. I just can't do this. Sorry fir any spelling mistakes, this is rushed. ",-2.041086956521738,-0.19105894927536227,0.1836086956521754,106.03584782608696,98.63768115942028,2.76,13.421739130434785,3.1291,-1.7900156521739132,467,9,123,0,20,153,77,138,0.194,0.8059999999999999,0.0,-0.9664,1,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,5,0,8,9,4,0,3,0,16,4,0,3,3,24,34,9,0,4,5,1,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,3,3,24,3,12,28,3,15,0,0,1,2,13,7,2,1,6,77,30,0,0.16484073653365092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209735347259693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30974659639718816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599996524605974,0.0,0.0,0.10887575183046412,0.14910788350495613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807393593061937,0.3820666324223159,0.3047852094342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623686313648287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286377426690924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100324716455087,0.0,0.0,0.1795598868029706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150892280068688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830361303346648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762484640522475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077308832525542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313567250152154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452570883954847,0.11667512174913285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787943838105006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095128607333932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751238785247604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423694704585973,0.0,0.0,0.09722733728376294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VAGUE002,2018/02/08,"i would like to leave but i don’t know if my family, friends, or ex can take it. i’ve been depressed since i was 10. i’m 22 now. i’ve always thought i was born to die, kinda corny i know. but i just feel like i shouldn’t be alive, as if it were some sort of mistake. my (now ex) girlfriend left me today. it was brutal. she said she didn’t see me in her future even after the 13 months we’ve been dating. of course i’ve made mistakes and she has too but we’ve been trying to get better. she told me she needs to move on in life without me, to experience it. and ya know i’m happy for her, but also extremely devastated. this is the girl for me, no doubt in my mind. i know i’m young and all of you will say i have my whole life ahead of me, but i don’t want to go through this again plus the depression i already have. i think i’m done here. my life has always been downhill and i’ve always thought i’m somewhat inherently bad or evil. i know i’ve failed as a human being and i’m fine with it, honestly. i just feel horrible about leaving my loved ones. i just can’t take it anymore. this will be my second attempt. i think i will be taking a large amount of a benzo following some heavy drinking. i’m just so fucking sad and i can’t do it anymore. it feels horrible knowing i’m a bad person and can’t change it. i don’t know. this is totally overblown but i can’t help but feel helpless about everything. apologies if this is the wrong sub or my writing is terrible i really can’t think.",-0.4958074534161483,1.6327877888198792,1.8414254658385083,96.19841149068323,90.36645962732919,4.959130434782608,18.919565217391305,6.508806274219699,-0.030033788819875618,1156,35,271,14,40,390,155,322,0.236,0.66,0.104,-0.9952,1,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,0,4,14,23,3,1,8,0,37,6,0,1,2,60,75,25,1,9,18,2,4,2,2,5,3,2,0,3,14,9,1,0,16,1,0,3,12,15,0,2,15,7,44,8,27,51,7,19,0,5,1,2,23,5,1,12,13,171,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808747490428538,0.08557533579664676,0.2671210460776117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122490350714672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869666921770674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464107102552352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320169974603705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433398680980748,0.0,0.11105880715048362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950771440040226,0.0,0.10482842076226742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067866418528154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617310070139372,0.10467567443655787,0.10087888836534674,0.0,0.21642856360285007,0.07644749857647311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267515571764616,0.09892841658529754,0.05590796693886125,0.0,0.06081587769137565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391343926250565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172610935070851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116667683998471,0.0,0.0,0.2266148941914477,0.1162659681616197,0.0,0.2267515983901967,0.10455872297381437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658011321006033,0.10125483110942504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804893510764267,0.0,0.08541383950947531,0.11373400039159873,0.0,0.07934607457673891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251230266459797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934364338885969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855292754849328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179039348903632,0.08509812743913528,0.0,0.0,0.08527259467549345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851923729301676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413731334464357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057018053165555,0.0,0.16990693624512507,0.0,0.0,0.10143234828103262,0.10225201643964177,0.0,0.0726523220481589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311688512800133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194721139297449,0.0,0.10315319146331099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601636956054092,0.11699792187388593,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D_19,2018/02/08,"I Fantasize about dying First off, I want to apologize if this isn't the right place for a posit like this,
Secondly, I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for (if that makes sense). Whether it be advice, help or just someone to talk to..

Now onto my post. I've gone on with telling myself Im not depressed, I guess it's denial. But still, I'm a moderately happy guy... At least I thought I was. Anyway I'm rambling again.

It comes in ""waves"" some days I'm fine and I don't think about anything. But each time I think of dying/ killing myself the temptations become stronger. I fantasize about jumping off of a bridge, just shooting myself, cutting myself, pills, drowning... Anything really. Sometimes I just really want to die and it scares me. I know most people would probably tell me to physically tell talk to people about my problems. But if I were to do so, I'm also scared of being judged because of it, if that makes sense.

Again, sorry if this doesn't belong here. Feel free to delete this post if necessary, I just need to rant..",3.310982323964069,5.15395313793104,4.064103158504782,87.1935236163431,74.27093596059113,6.943958272964357,25.24166908142568,7.724431198458867,1.301712489133584,809,27,161,11,17,258,120,203,0.107,0.778,0.115,-0.1291,0,0,0,1,0,3,41.0,0,0,0,2,16,11,2,2,5,0,9,1,0,2,1,38,29,15,5,11,17,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0,5,0,1,3,5,6,0,2,4,2,20,6,26,22,4,20,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,10,8,105,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318350404122815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080942529803467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074718143787092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684446385590238,0.13922238382773533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858876184788284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129769780368411,0.0,0.1085745273459993,0.0,0.39248836427811773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373927403197344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722581518020448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886832248672054,0.12481833859690596,0.0,0.13419226741995152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449476470289523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616547142846225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946572879941746,0.0,0.06927879052057741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061586114005641235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058579042055974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829087053985986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347123330890253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478703010047006,0.0,0.13170494038726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145956422411394,0.0,0.1359130422840923,0.1206215443032556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340793811722411,0.0,0.0,0.16151338850912722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765379177869636,0.0,0.0,0.2524143220386574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680947543488233,0.0,0.12467568382414722,0.14111285383845093,0.0,0.0,0.10067096865733774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880922000430555,0.0,0.0,0.20264307632327708,0.3305436571457143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154717620979706,0.0,0.1000768529715313,0.07350608120072916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870585916193876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954877544215754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ComprehensiveAnxiety,2018/02/08,"To go home It feels mediocre and derivative of a description but I'm tired. I've survived for 3 decades as a victim of child abuse, as a person of color, as a poor lower class individual.  I'm tired of the gauntlet, I'm tired of all the walls, all the closed doors, failures, I'm so tired.  I've lost a child who was two.  I watched my dad passed out on opiods, I've seen my brother sell crack.  Despite everything I've worked my way into a new home, a wife, three kids, new car, but I'm still alone and somewhere something is broken.

Damaged beyond repair.  I catch myself saying ""I want to go home"", while sitting in my home.  I know what I mean.  We all take everything for granted, my sole friend never returns my messages.  My family is an assortment of drug addicts, alcoholics, or attached to something worse.

If I fall the house that I built falls with me and I am a brittle pillar.  When do I earn my rest?  I'm just so tired.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally tired. 

I keep thinking if I had a network of people who cared I could survive, something I've never had and wouldn't know how to achieve.  How do I achieve what everyone else takes for granted??

I feel too tired to try, I'm getting too old to try any more.  I can't burden children with mental anguish nor my wife.  I float alone and I really really want to go home. ",2.1987969924812063,4.274699511278197,3.686667669172934,87.5820165413534,78.32330827067669,6.361263157894737,25.67759398496241,7.404127859558343,1.2912260451127824,1034,40,210,14,25,341,148,266,0.246,0.6729999999999999,0.081,-0.9948,1,2,5,0,1,0,42.0,1,0,0,8,10,7,1,1,14,0,11,10,0,2,5,36,36,21,0,6,6,4,2,0,1,1,10,1,6,5,6,12,1,1,6,0,2,8,5,5,0,2,5,6,29,2,27,29,5,26,0,2,3,0,15,7,0,3,9,118,35,5,0.0,0.0971572000078688,0.0,0.0893926637522975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763361128378933,0.0,0.16985560443326606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576316128887279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360498884802968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547073781201625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509456254644426,0.0,0.06850090718835825,0.0922395410368035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835500497306812,0.14739354872637245,0.0,0.07730278653438769,0.0,0.08292384721540226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335339353653965,0.0,0.04284188400445347,0.0,0.13980834505387296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41126600618047626,0.0,0.0,0.0946175833041578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288582434504337,0.0,0.0,0.09013067575125554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895132473901176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932259878243694,0.0,0.0,0.16527446233021342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264877027992773,0.15839321437548806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604574524257654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056848831428542336,0.07159968572676892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506325774321107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521009981869841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938400507497044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548571623031052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330836254770924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052542618195576735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6597326948029091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134593240513277,0.0,0.08010258682388499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673205517679744,0.06508819103003541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059697350654358376,0.0,0.08356552904325812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_JINX_PRON,2018/02/08,"My mom just called and it tore me apart. I don't know what to do. Half of me wants to kill myself right now, the other half is crying right now. My mom has no idea how I'm feeling or that I'm suicidal. She knows the struggles I'm going through (refer to here https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/7w1blr/ive_joked_about_it_a_long_time_now_i_have/?st=jde2xihh&sh=bee06e01) but I've convinced her I'm handling them better than I am. She called me just to talk and say hi. She had my dad on speaker phone too. They were telling me they loved me and that they were proud of me. I listened to my moms voice and I just sat there thinking to myself that this could be the last time I ever hear my moms voice. I can't stop crying. This has only made the pain worse. I want this all to stop. Please someone help me. God where are you? I've believed in you my whole life. Where are you? Please. Someone make this stop.",2.9687969924812023,5.9418694385964965,1.8699248120300784,96.15947368421057,82.6842105263158,3.724979114452799,16.329991645781114,4.892091775363687,-1.0746253968253967,738,14,149,2,21,207,99,171,0.12,0.682,0.198,0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,3,4,2,12,7,1,1,4,0,14,3,0,3,2,26,31,7,2,3,5,5,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,10,4,0,3,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,5,7,33,4,13,24,2,16,0,0,0,1,27,7,0,1,8,97,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741079211211875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248582130142378,0.0,0.1040004939048637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401489880823621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388757657298573,0.0,0.25833839658808583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636862049954884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945800609057536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668301959035851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253463591791373,0.0,0.07881938272165367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327469600929936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300980326230671,0.0,0.12925088373783136,0.09585310651617536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305864804346907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061312954977557,0.11126831439591167,0.07849351720359883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508889242991374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943395119202235,0.12512608972145148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581612236744417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084570790813827,0.0,0.09351381158463752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992704980528241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949363221717849,0.0,0.12293260279197585,0.0,0.12862647042166128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451592796772627,0.10278051786361313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534815177043815,0.0,0.0,0.06856879200624251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871751779475114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128717502785553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983620880275125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wurkshy,2018/02/08,"I Honestly Need Help Ive gotten to the point that I'm looking up methods of suicide to find the one that would hurt the least for me. For details, I'm a 25 year old junior in college still trying to get my undergrad. As of two months ago I quit a heavy daily weed use habit and am struggling against addiction with alcohol too. I've realized yesterday I've lost all my friends as they all moved on to finding new ones and left me reaching out to no response. I can't meet new people because after trying to connect in a conversation, the next day they pretend I'm not there even after a flowing convo for a bit. At this point I'm already heavily medicated by my psychiatrist and the changes they've been making are having no improvement. I've read the best method for ending it is overdose and I'm nearly 50/50 on the idea of doing it at this point. Has anyone ever come back from the brink like this?",5.501573426573426,5.704209686813186,6.2934965034965025,79.41059440559442,67.51648351648353,9.035764235764237,32.47952047952048,8.841846274778883,2.612169230769231,721,29,140,11,11,238,120,182,0.1,0.792,0.108,0.3612,0,0,3,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,3,6,7,0,1,13,0,10,3,0,2,3,19,23,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,4,2,0,3,4,3,0,3,3,1,11,4,30,19,5,32,0,2,1,0,6,14,0,0,16,90,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505772003343558,0.0,0.0,0.12243993575662306,0.14761416975856773,0.0,0.0,0.1524249414145636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658057223870282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062099956853793,0.0,0.0842000324084446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495420718469115,0.0,0.15079728907916115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611848094647115,0.1189829014088739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907953086429604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233820919029888,0.0,0.0,0.09123060050554263,0.12494243689310976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524884382073285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671543088643708,0.0,0.07216488109488765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258262169241774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786622146387748,0.155926894663839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007377708691505,0.0,0.0,0.06748115003976121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599064548768664,0.0,0.15078031707600914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921998543712473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914692564615594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025046893226646,0.14680556393118596,0.0,0.10241831979757338,0.0,0.26680496778470186,0.14689805307309026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493949363912306,0.0,0.1871948484705104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575884104437636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917197756829791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691348827908776,0.13816289454501385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030721535688448,0.0,0.0,0.1443987793985475,0.0,0.1510868956273625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755631688794372,0.0,0.1349285585325257,0.0,0.0,0.11929609729647528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812040342301184,0.0,0.0,0.08894830356437411
suicidewatch,EfflorescentPages,2018/02/08,"Been Hospitalized 3 Times for Suicide Attemps So as the title says, in 2017 I was admitted to the Psychiatric Ward of a hospital 3 times for suicide attempts/plans, each time for about a month. The first time I was intercepted by my Mother and Boyfriend on my way to a bridge to jump, the other two times I overdosed but my family figured out what was going on and brought me to the hospital and my stomach was pumped. The last stay was from September - October, when I left that last time, I thought I was doing better, I told myself that I'd never go back. But lately I've been drowning in my mental illnesses, (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and Anorexia). Particularly depression and anxiety, I'm just so sad all the time, I cry myself to sleep every night, and as for the anxiety I'm worried that I'll never be financially stable, and that none of my dreams will come true. I've been hiding all this from my family because I don't want to go back to the hospital. I realize now that my death would devastate my family, friends, and boyfriend, which makes me feel trapped; I want nothing more than to be completely forgotten so I could I could die peacefully without putting my family through grief. I tried to talk my psychiatrist about it but he didn't change any of my medications or offer any solutions, my psychologist is mildly concerned but not very involved, however my Out-Patient nurse (for my weekly weigh ins 'cause of the Anorexia) wants me to go back to the hospital but I really can't go back another time. All I want is to disappear without hurting anyone. I'm not really looking for advice or help or anything, just writing this out and posting it is kind of therapeutic for me I guess. Anyway, if you read all this, thanks.",6.152051948051947,6.94047236969697,6.8797835497835536,73.7268181818182,66.21212121212122,10.770562770562773,34.502164502164504,10.712014347399686,3.8913982683982695,1382,62,249,37,21,457,173,330,0.208,0.71,0.08199999999999999,-0.9932,1,1,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,1,0,2,14,10,0,0,14,0,22,5,2,2,7,51,44,24,6,8,15,1,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,13,13,1,0,5,2,0,10,10,5,0,2,13,3,39,5,42,25,7,44,0,5,1,0,12,8,0,5,23,173,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676958952276245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076748912542848,0.09310945333894258,0.20378413218094826,0.0,0.0,0.06208763105096118,0.0,0.07307083976584318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731119467687501,0.0,0.054128697164206166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853209125383953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121707524570337,0.09393349122336128,0.07648915628485689,0.09310002174913187,0.0,0.0,0.14179139837117152,0.0,0.09753729897564152,0.0,0.0,0.15295825920469372,0.0,0.09215534316314128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748137406634596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33483264637006377,0.0,0.0448974940864011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552910628614694,0.0,0.0,0.06860290995114156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25232164031900217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978178647674651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951751500459688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505704087628056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924664809564166,0.0,0.14475979152134105,0.10016479294179148,0.0,0.09647618652711472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456555946472665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059271449821254825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894517684161331,0.08948462287125544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087543881334488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369685821180327,0.0,0.0,0.08332822987986949,0.0,0.0852013379237513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504120514001323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379677456096392,0.08926364765702996,0.0,0.0,0.08881917576800319,0.0,0.1137688892067638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061346450505335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885927333318035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464381164176218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425495655921685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137017528871258,0.0,0.08175064093012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049342783887122,0.4142173121543571,0.0,0.0,0.08484756775165232,0.0,0.060286075834355676,0.0,0.08673995573043823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326529527577337,0.20949471212951706,0.07048145424981615,0.07122611051394584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119070520528715,0.0,0.0,0.09017578153064584,0.0,0.0630775244450058,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donutduck3,2018/02/08,I really want to stop existing. I don’t want to be here anymore,-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,96.14285714285714,8.514285714285714,21.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.3432571428571443,50,2,11,2,2,19,11,14,0.18,0.586,0.233,-0.0715,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312818030119806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431904690398216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44787875519556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6319529795744632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NicholasTawny,2018/02/08,"I know I’m young, I know this is stupid and there are opportunities out there, but I don’t see another way. I’m turning 18 in a few months, I know, ridiculously young and stupid for people to assume their life is over so early. I’ve heard that all. But I’ll just go ahead and speak my mind since I don’t know what else to do.

Ever since I was about 14, the second I had any amount of self awareness, I’ve hated who I was. I didn’t realize it back then, I didn’t know what was happening to me, but a depression started four to five years ago that hasn’t let up. I’ll admit I have life pretty good, I’m doing well in school, I have parents and friends and there’s a lot to be grateful for. But I’m not a grateful person. I’ve always been a shy kid, I never made friends well and there were many times in my life where I didn’t have any friends or I had terrible friends that made me feel worse about myself. I went to a small Christian school all my life. I was horribly sheltered by my mom and it took a lot before I decided I didn’t believe in god, and I left that school.

I have anxiety, it’s always been there, mostly due to genetics, also because of my reclusive personality and tendency to overthink everything. But this spiked when I began having panic attacks just before Sophomore year. And ever since then it’s been a horrible and terrifying battle as I’ve climbed through high school, dealing with stress and learning to grow up and get ready to be an adult, having panic attacks and harming myself nearly every day just because of the amount of pressure being put on me. It’s taken me this long to get a drivers license, I had a terrible fear of driving and I had avoided it at all costs until recently. It took a lot of therapy and medication to make it happen, and sometimes I still struggle with it, but I at least got my license. However that’s the most of my accomplishments I can fess up to. 
All my friends right now have jobs, at least 4.0 GPA and they’re leaving for big colleges, or at least they’ve obtained lots of scholarships and have an impressive amount of good job experience for their age, some are even working in small tech companies at 17 years old. I nearly cry every time I have to order takeout over the phone, filling out job applications online end up with me panicking by the end of it if I even stomach the ability to make it there. 

I’ve been sheltered and spoiled all my life, and I have anxiety issues outside of this that make the idea of growing up and living on my own seem impossible. I hate myself for being dependent on people, my mom is unemployed and surviving off Child Support from my dad, which is going to end quite soon when I turn 18. Neither of us can afford to have me depend on her all my life and I obviously don’t want to have to do that in the first place. And we’re currently shoveling out money with as much help from my dad as possible for appointments with my psychologist and medication. I’ve been pulled aside by my stepmom and my dad and been told that I need to suck this up or things will only get worse, and I very well know that. 

People don’t take me seriously anymore, I’m very emotionally charged and I can’t help but share my thoughts with good friends I have now that I trust. But I’ve lost friends doing this, and angered some of the friends I have now. No matter what happens it seems as if I will come up with an excuse to not be okay, I’m envious, a coward, I hate myself and I feel incapable of love. And though I’ve had suicidal thoughts many times in my past, today I’ve decided I need to do this, if there is any alternative I would love one, but I’ve sat with psychologists, good ones too, for a few years now. I’ve developed good behaviors to try and change myself, I meditate and take meds, I have a network of friends to fall back on. But nobody can give me another way out of this. I feel like if I keep living I’ll still be this same person, this coward that can’t take care of himself and relies on everyone else for support. 

I’ve tried everything, but I can’t change myself, and it feels as if my body wasn’t meant to be alive. My anxiety makes it feel as if I was never meant to live past this moment, it breaks down just thinking about it and I have no control. And this is only my most dire issue, I still require love and self esteem that I have none of. There is so much more I don’t want to drone on with here but to wrap this up: I’ve been searching for help and I can’t find any solutions, it seems as if I’ll suffer with this forever and I don’t know how I can survive for much longer with this. I’m just going to be a burden at this point, and even if we don’t consider any of my emotional needs and feelings, I don’t know if I’ll be able to function on my own the way things are. ",4.935544079866197,4.9378629827060045,5.804846457575394,83.11979516181873,68.71515768056969,9.105912374778006,29.682380123109816,8.890055958807707,2.1127769677741948,3764,128,802,60,59,1241,364,983,0.161,0.693,0.147,-0.9694,9,1,0,0,0,0,86.0,2,0,2,13,44,56,12,7,28,1,85,13,2,10,11,164,165,85,1,15,31,6,6,1,9,3,8,2,0,8,52,61,0,4,30,0,3,15,26,27,3,6,39,9,103,29,128,113,32,117,1,3,1,3,45,48,1,27,50,548,155,15,0.0467138120629177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041408975843641525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037357018629479835,0.07773926760361795,0.0,0.0,0.15883497043827996,0.09796701000055097,0.1072078151004172,0.0,0.04632754919066653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628741009287894,0.0,0.07184007600969754,0.0,0.05695261250325372,0.0,0.07950002686141994,0.052630469469220204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188851432680314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762784471051625,0.0,0.09883403826426344,0.04023981276860422,0.0,0.0,0.0523935123846261,0.0,0.0,0.05131292903948823,0.030126544243331364,0.048159889040263776,0.04023453787937167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804679158625355,0.10509350212714497,0.12412371628122383,0.0,0.0,0.09256209689730856,0.08451063485424327,0.07871680282640363,0.04463704930255447,0.08396672431632073,0.045695071875290094,0.0,0.052566025783600784,0.14171944183209462,0.0333723566716094,0.0,0.0,0.042695577933445986,0.039734744676955834,0.0,0.0,0.3248187778907025,0.0,0.07321811628415094,0.044812145139427516,0.07964560774673271,0.1959066461828685,0.03736130289466018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392660919751393,0.0,0.0,0.13836065466524491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393385062262953,0.04935570721072649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273420779428728,0.0,0.09751416632858316,0.1390687512389924,0.0415213825315342,0.0,0.0,0.20538151550442352,0.0,0.0,0.04946318203263912,0.050754693489129483,0.04776803779193217,0.19797208170952527,0.02282200896815213,0.0,0.12374745566480165,0.04134025367774402,0.0,0.0,0.05099364409915854,0.1588576500566596,0.12648311764732348,0.08840347693331152,0.12472732916277203,0.09472094681814562,0.0,0.0,0.05188851432680314,0.09411850222221274,0.0,0.0,0.04716763357263775,0.10942130420617972,0.03728651911285752,0.0,0.1030200804790484,0.10391309920827024,0.07205714335617527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901828765103243,0.0,0.06330897603358307,0.07105591815767955,0.0,0.10961718680550933,0.05187016008892779,0.0,0.08918723878413345,0.09715642640086566,0.12236609657283692,0.04880599107767479,0.0,0.044159651637886835,0.05266280422170107,0.0,0.047524740786571255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469602835647001,0.0,0.04968588924569723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612425381585286,0.0,0.0,0.039893340261798985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891074869562916,0.0372248601565092,0.12757950016199401,0.09746538777095218,0.0,0.0,0.11592644419697913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620115459930715,0.0,0.033064276612804325,0.0,0.11191713196841124,0.0,0.05351051388857625,0.04883541902415884,0.0,0.05109732843833039,0.10602056069056164,0.0,0.0,0.10536891919701644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534213152430363,0.0,0.0620691620572548,0.029932324548857955,0.04589608317283808,0.07417109758902861,0.08171759842923827,0.0,0.044279231732969736,0.04463704930255447,0.103801528051912,0.06343122403112768,0.10162242663127807,0.0,0.0,0.0561909641917155,0.0,0.0,0.0770875744361504,0.055106033335691015,0.1112377489997118,0.0,0.0,0.12600398144357827,0.043304171787981016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034008211540620566,0.0,0.0952107307294553,0.03318415180475197,0.0,0.0,0.12032865358411708
suicidewatch,darsincostan,2018/02/08,"My friend might kill herself tonight please help I've known my best friend ever since my freshman year of high school and we've always been close. Ever since she opened up to me about her depression and her suicidal thoughts, everything's just gotten steadily worse. Tonight her bf just broke up with her from what she said was the best relationship she's ever had. She just sent me a humungous paragraph that very well could be her suicide note if she's successful. I'm about to break down right now how can I fix this?",6.732433333333333,7.178131910000005,5.306000000000001,86.70633333333336,64.9,8.666666666666668,30.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,1.9481666666666668,421,14,84,5,6,122,72,100,0.183,0.613,0.204,0.1761,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,3,17,12,4,3,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,7,1,17,6,10,2,2,16,0,2,0,0,18,7,0,2,7,53,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667673649895187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447596000318316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114753196803494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147612915355154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457453019841026,0.0,0.0,0.1476254949117607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538123589800724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009941775580044,0.17354876620540585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172836615021765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425295608960192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803071746581464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635280989192695,0.0,0.14027638085880734,0.15624802680261388,0.0,0.0,0.16623898681739804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717536633276878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593456079558465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040338394623513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355309668245797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768866494767674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739406424735598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577748019859552
suicidewatch,CpaInKy,2018/02/08,"Worthless, Failure, Sinner I don't what my future holds, but all I have had for the past 3 years is shame and guilt eating at me to the point where I pray for death every night. I am angry every morning that I wake up. I feel like I am in a prison. Death is the only way out. My days are very busy so I don't think about it but once night falls I go right back to tearing myself apart.",-0.16619047619047222,1.7486052380952408,1.5357142857142885,100.67595238095241,85.90476190476191,3.733333333333334,14.095238095238097,3.1291,-1.4997047619047614,296,4,72,0,9,96,63,84,0.312,0.624,0.063,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,9,2,1,0,1,8,12,4,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,13,1,9,11,1,18,1,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,8,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147624660412715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059330488702667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548032905616077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196097439496673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259088626668416,0.17789551322165625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152028484110896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216555677529522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673651777546898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651915771441873,0.0,0.18938622094450375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377118549410595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539853565374774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265643028549844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595579925605378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546246931667864,0.0,0.19765556907523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035672724027225
suicidewatch,Zionistqueen,2018/02/08,"Is your environment impacting on you? Life is a bitch for you me and so many other people. One thing that I'm sure about is that your precious and likely to be a good person as most people that self harm or think of committing suicide are very kind hearted people based on working with many depressed individuals and professionals in my line of work. We live in a world that has no real substance or value for good people to see their worth or reflection contributions made as the majority of people are able to easily be interested/distracted by materialistic and trivial things. What you may seek is something deep and meaningful. Someone said to me recently that maybe you need to die, that was in response to me saying I feel like there's no point at times as I keep trying in life and end up in a spiral. He put it in perspective of a caterpillars transformation to a butterfly. He didn't mean to physically kill myself but for things to make sense maybe observe your environment, once your moulded to a level that takes you away from your old ways you can never be the same and can have more choice of environment from a level that takes you to a place you truly deserve to find inner peace and awakening. No one knows what happens when we die, life is an opportunity to explore. Stick in there your probably close to a break through, that's how messed up life can be at times, so close but feel so far. I always think to myself if I take my life today and was able to see a live view of life without me I would probably see areas I could improve or care less about with a depressed looking face thinking I wish i was less hard on myself especially with the view of what others survive behind closed doors. I wish you all the best with your future, just have faith in you and your unknown abilities. You don't have full answers yet, life is an ongoing journey but you will piece the puzzle along the way. ",10.393405797101453,7.407356673913046,9.786152173913047,68.59725362318844,59.70652173913044,12.8568115942029,38.66376811594203,10.93419730881044,3.972842898550725,1528,52,288,28,15,493,196,368,0.09,0.763,0.14800000000000002,0.9727,0,0,1,0,0,3,21.0,2,20,1,5,11,17,2,0,20,0,28,9,2,3,4,60,52,26,4,6,10,0,3,2,0,3,7,2,1,2,18,20,0,1,12,0,1,3,7,6,0,2,6,11,41,11,58,38,10,45,1,2,6,0,29,29,1,8,12,207,59,3,0.17209929560752474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160020026629296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084647669282605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030379652866348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773335084433337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870364184773588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482288711271929,0.0,0.1786118978659549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621444706551833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701857486441418,0.061473885584540464,0.0,0.0,0.07864781917182816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434872395981646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760934193695411,0.0,0.07708358255884586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196924696035904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648488071047503,0.09520118597887052,0.08960746651105403,0.04729063604024454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254558772394911,0.08407902276263678,0.0,0.1519668310267033,0.0,0.07226003199757151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142225734536165,0.05743880809547721,0.17448167369347534,0.17289687415529698,0.09373329277696384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380472351536154,0.06636679317877983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902946302612539,0.0916400665543094,0.11661893666843676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982799556301963,0.07513523337260354,0.08990356722099578,0.0,0.08134473087871694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555214857194374,0.0,0.0,0.08650366311498285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794333786605422,0.0,0.0,0.08496364609935418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185292023244978,0.06843013371351818,0.0,0.0,0.20571128524242235,0.0,0.0897685493901836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290958734246622,0.06624522288476235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412434827432654,0.0,0.08110077469929429,0.0,0.19409587841288345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150268727719298,0.16541141934047487,0.0,0.0,0.10035248325462168,0.0,0.08156500459674203,0.0,0.0,0.058422062411525325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070999971286252,0.0,0.13660441029041928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790569658942705,0.08294878979398422,0.0,0.12529033689499613,0.0,0.0,0.061127200914785323,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,triplestack_hardcamp,2018/02/08,"wow yeah that sounds great already been in therapy and taking meds for 4 years doesn't help at all can't wait to live another 5 decades wow im so happy
can't wait to get responses like ""hang in bro is get better"" ""hey im twice your age and still miserable but once 5 years ago this kinda pleasant thing happened so dont kill yourself"" ""read this book it literally changed my life"" ""have you tried physical exercise"" ""just remember to smile :)"" 
idk that's kind of passive aggressive but i know i will kill myself not posting for help just venting
actually here's something really passive aggressive, follow my account if you want to know when i kill myself. i'll post ""i did it"" on one of those shitty subreddits where people catalogue their death. kinda funny how many of them cop out but those are cries for help rather than people who know what they're doing and have just given up entirely",3.15341655266758,5.648905319767443,3.997742818057457,84.4214021887825,77.19767441860466,7.535430916552667,25.23392612859097,8.4952907291091,1.9362054719562245,713,26,133,15,17,228,123,172,0.139,0.633,0.229,0.9562,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,3,2,1,11,14,5,1,0,1,12,2,0,1,1,24,24,11,4,3,9,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,11,4,0,2,4,3,1,2,5,6,0,2,3,1,13,8,17,20,1,17,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,3,7,75,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.1304517023262185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849862370783458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475184192539572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401743899398993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182284675449527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141496222975342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684042156842705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667113079412365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396838218991168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473818877484854,0.0,0.0,0.11821215353674762,0.14230408860386826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26880722818137803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887931426078945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436889802189438,0.13920640808374246,0.22039992320324947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944216349925978,0.06530894806926625,0.0,0.11804126106213887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552981697296404,0.0,0.0,0.1484875539348695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423640796719413,0.09058454568713799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535277401927416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560556124599101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371546423887454,0.0,0.08563837541095384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514325749053193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291284743952782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675645265623616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051018852833048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287391692239138,0.0,0.08881057945330276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075946210519642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884750800085456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721701581823129
suicidewatch,MountainWheat,2018/02/08,"I hate myself and my life I feel like... I had everything... Girlfriend, friends, I was happy be who I was, life was funny. But now... I’m lonely... My girlfriend left me for another guy, I can’t fit in my friends group, I not happy being who I am. Thinking of all of it makes me so... Tired, that I can’t get out of bed and do something... I feel like I’m already dead...",-1.5806993006992975,0.3799612564102581,1.2446853146853163,98.76849650349656,96.69230769230772,3.8620046620046624,18.62937062937063,5.565023196281405,-0.4217076923076917,270,9,65,2,11,93,49,78,0.079,0.662,0.259,0.9313,0,2,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,1,10,18,4,1,0,2,0,2,2,4,0,3,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,2,16,6,6,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,43,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400818005966595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223583607165711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058153529042404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144429556254008,0.30298454643889033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276666342695042,0.0,0.11079008679627644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209967981683834,0.0,0.451473395087202,0.0,0.2093606025052885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303985891342685,0.0,0.2995617099833202,0.20719891328269188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415484888690294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325044869565292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587640613065569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243726251334384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrashEqualsTrash,2018/02/08,"Flash Fried Funk My brain feels like spent trash running after a speeding train. My soul is heavier than the bones that house it. The candle inside is sputtering out, because of the wind that haunts these bones. 

TL;DR
Super Depressed, and tired, and sluggish. I want to die.",3.6080272108843525,6.7356008571428605,2.5256122448979603,91.50093537414969,81.24489795918367,4.082993197278912,22.452380952380953,5.46131890053228,0.2690380952380953,218,7,37,1,6,62,42,49,0.241,0.634,0.125,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,5,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346023066626128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092180419675975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157298223944045,0.0,0.3804461463000377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853509304768324,0.2618806826214877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229774110537756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908963835502378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213231190990674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162149615101975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aetheri3,2018/02/08,"I want to die The darkness is all pervading. I try, as I have for so long tried, but can no longer see the fading light. The pain is too deep, the damage too final. If I attempt to illustrate my issues here it will only fail in vain. I wish for an assist, a way away... forever away. ",1.4738983050847452,2.9190580847457634,3.612000000000002,90.18342372881357,78.32203389830508,6.753898305084746,20.274576271186444,7.554174236665415,0.52067186440678,213,5,48,3,5,73,47,59,0.33,0.606,0.065,-0.965,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,8,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,8,7,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499172986849477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27570228843539063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910060931565511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27726910844892794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350914889977533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203845061048215,0.2826698469800501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168829466177705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607172085268551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668698516746007,0.21086024490765112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054838680738599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kcseb,2018/02/08,"aanndd... things crash down. Recently, my father left the home which was a god damned god send. Hes nothing but an abusive, drug addicted asshole to myself and my mother.
However... She has taken him back. Hes back in the household, and I cannot leave for another year.
Ontop of this, I get the news that one of my best friends (who lived not even two houses down from me) was shot and killed at 2 AM a few days ago. I just seen him the day before, and I wake up to find out he's dead. My other closest friend is looking at 3 years in jail (wont go into detail as to why.). I literally have no one besides my mother to turn to, and shes taking my fathers side on everything. 

Im considering tonight self harming, and eventually going all the way. I really don't want to be stuck here for any longer than I have to. Its hell, and I don't want to deal with it.

Maybe I am a pussy for wanting to take this way out, instead of ""holding on"". But its what I see fit. ",1.6346005267778736,3.1099779502487546,3.5803804506877377,90.45202809482004,77.95522388059702,6.520456540825284,22.768803043605494,7.285733465282438,0.6873170032191984,732,22,166,9,17,248,136,201,0.162,0.718,0.119,-0.8904,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,9,0,16,3,1,0,1,22,30,10,2,3,4,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,11,11,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,4,0,3,5,3,24,3,31,23,3,30,1,0,3,0,17,16,2,0,9,111,35,0,0.0,0.17175467342726325,0.0,0.15802851222889824,0.0,0.0,0.12849887527498638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857821711274573,0.15200388735353335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229315934248872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335084154939703,0.0,0.15212726529548687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869752618759652,0.1494480713169413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810833920234608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957451462480836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028129065438895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249141356162716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239924867430511,0.0,0.07573595982179032,0.0,0.16476896304949973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454073575145056,0.0,0.0,0.16726513443745106,0.0,0.0,0.15658238404413502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037748835128593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349240422453045,0.1575001770849465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800291520620455,0.0,0.12173044191409732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563246316579062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909365921188968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645818447296054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286550827642276,0.0,0.14313115979044885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551487485326407,0.0,0.1512255791364965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179847457369819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630541870601242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767556741975314,0.1416054974772956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565046524420207,0.2301260430195528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080444501158867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669981971175406
suicidewatch,CapnRobm,2018/02/08,"Why does everyone hate me? Someone that said they love me and care about me threw me away and lied to all my friends about what happened so now they all hate me. I am tired of the pain and suffering of people constantly telling me they love and care about me then throw me away like nothing. 

Nobody seems to care that I am around or want me around. ",5.823571428571429,5.60790892857143,4.889285714285716,91.17821428571432,66.85714285714286,8.714285714285714,28.92857142857143,8.07648339933343,1.4662857142857135,275,8,62,3,4,81,43,70,0.197,0.55,0.254,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,7,11,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,11,14,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,15,7,11,12,2,9,0,1,0,2,8,4,0,2,4,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29710839512698983,0.0,0.0,0.3135692549320043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104207860808404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033267412750215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460335039057682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945628677103413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892727007231894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475670789439166,0.0,0.0,0.3295091793753003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152673314157709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30122254337141496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012113644802622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756684685344534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569016644161502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873641166094002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519168021617109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413927107005624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458561720871644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179835200221684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842724364272946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057880068999288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,izball,2018/02/08,"I think I need hospitalization I'm suicidal. This isn't my first time, and I've struggled with mental illness for over a decade. I'm in my last semester of college, have an internship and finally graduating after 5 years but my mental health is in a steep decline. I don't want to ruin my opportunity at my internship and not graduate after all my hard work but I'm falling deeper and deeper into depression especially after a bad break up. What should I do? ",3.660477528089889,5.917923853932584,6.117289325842697,71.01952949438204,74.50561797752809,9.393820224719102,29.10252808988764,9.827888789773867,3.3568977528089885,369,16,64,11,8,131,60,89,0.227,0.69,0.083,-0.8896,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,14,12,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,10,1,13,11,1,16,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,8,44,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162783613419015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310126305865388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837535636425635,0.0,0.22032990042833356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203906903139904,0.0,0.0,0.2753356709616445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114317393805404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220805333613988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920666911531775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707933094435879,0.0,0.28333563933784184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597529796795693,0.0,0.0,0.15104186920486667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278199138517046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857616736710053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680615717055042
suicidewatch,LuffySmashes1,2018/02/08,I'am done with my life... I don't wanna live anymore i am suiciding today.,-1.032,0.6251738000000024,2.0933333333333337,88.96000000000002,111.0,4.666666666666667,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.5823333333333336,57,2,11,1,3,20,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42660115106565616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402009836987082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038333180852518,0.0,0.0,0.37983739661242605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705230367023871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077394888265197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clockwise12369,2018/02/08,"My last thoughts every night. I'm 30 years old. I'm a female, I'm single and live alone. Every night since I can remember I've thought about killing myself. I've fallen asleep to thoughts of a gun to my head, sitting in my car with it running in the garage, overdosing, and everything in between. This has been going on for years. I have no intentions on doing these things, but the thoughts linger on. Since I was a kid I knew that eventually I would take my own life, it's just when. I have shared this with people many times and I preface my lack of intent so it's understood it's just thoughts. I have been on antidepressants and I have been to counseling. The thoughts have become as normal as brushing my teeth everyday, they don't even feel negative, just constant and consistent, always there as I fall asleep. The thoughts do not keep me awake, they're simply how I fall asleep. Does anyone else suffer from this? ",3.7713594040968346,5.731943938547487,3.89640223463687,88.38188454376161,73.30167597765363,7.231433891992553,25.89981378026071,8.021203637495839,1.453661154562384,731,25,146,11,15,225,107,179,0.1,0.8590000000000001,0.042,-0.7816,0,1,0,1,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,0,9,3,1,0,7,0,15,6,5,3,0,30,31,12,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,11,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,13,2,20,1,21,17,3,24,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,10,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118216526664145,0.0,0.0,0.10539175171360003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856402471434491,0.12977873544934165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988666282614415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368750933432156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084152982840104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580866445567996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365812057841174,0.0,0.2134340081892576,0.0,0.11383436497590735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404339654409515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198412827454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299902998478994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258174596862823,0.14013116888234164,0.0,0.0,0.10324528039583653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946411564762326,0.0,0.0,0.11184361541380183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841395110687304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377247540472597,0.12410047885766833,0.0,0.0,0.13290897536840204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781050027235869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434817496563043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095498864425444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523299539314174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414766331429857,0.0,0.0,0.7038804840431775,0.07385680458769107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899760441702455,0.0,0.0,0.16313052558240024
suicidewatch,Deathwithdignity777,2018/02/08,"Diginatas I realize that my life is as about as good as it gets.  Only wealthy elite people matter.  I think I'm a waste of resources.  Life is okay.  I have it pretty good.  Too many diagnosis that are getting worse.  I will never get into a top school or have a high paying job.  Much like my growth plate chart, the doctor predicted I wouldn't grow over 5'1"" wallah he was right.  A world renowned professor said I was dumb. ",1.3330120481927707,3.87050115662651,2.574710843373495,91.38640361445783,85.6265060240964,5.729638554216868,19.143373493975908,7.1686216300943375,0.4451696385542165,328,9,67,5,10,105,64,83,0.121,0.66,0.219,0.7788,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,5,1,9,3,0,0,1,7,15,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,3,1,8,4,7,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,2,37,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470327284856804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359407024669718,0.0,0.0,0.38466012725240895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242273207497374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275497224091554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32392965232245724,0.11202678731035172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324791690740169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685654793526581,0.0,0.1768540684612521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439670279904926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897113953219888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328551117066265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582512437203314,0.21812146203218472,0.0,0.0,0.2320687921209213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469293154962263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336812744219048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtrovertedTin,2018/02/08,"My parents are ruining my life For as long as I can remember my parents have been the biggest assholes to my brothers and I. All of my memory's of them are yelling and crying and saying the most hateful things. My oldest brother dropped out of college and my dad can barely look at him anymore. My middle brother has been severely depressed for years and my parents always brush it off. I attempted suicide in 8th fucking grade because of them. Tonight we got in a huge argument and I said some of the most vile things to my parents and I feel like things are never going to be the same, ever. I really want to get the fuck out of my house but I don't know what to do.",3.776222222222224,5.047850659259262,4.883888888888889,84.09250000000003,72.03703703703705,7.474074074074074,31.277777777777786,7.908726449838941,2.1964222222222225,529,24,103,7,10,174,84,135,0.156,0.81,0.034,-0.9337,4,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,1,0,2,1,1,7,4,0,6,0,12,3,0,0,3,22,23,10,1,1,1,8,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,6,22,1,21,18,5,17,0,2,1,2,14,9,2,3,7,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291201583478448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649514036442907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004664728159185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622597109813066,0.0,0.0,0.1272280614257913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361809044016534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468993390993632,0.10552874391819024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731231690888778,0.07717580870453021,0.0,0.0839507283110537,0.0,0.11814243160641598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583952658981375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044508379714488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118116128443208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433657872019864,0.07216685245808926,0.0,0.0,0.1307245121104383,0.12404471166386838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392812176161235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6560870597043172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463101436694447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673340731035834,0.0,0.14051228055671333,0.1174701418053426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687767318181562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157794730329975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944089672364518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712705754425441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512462511301677
suicidewatch,500Galaxy,2018/02/08,"I Want to Die There's only 1 person that really loves and cares about me in this world, and they might not even be here that much longer. I've been really depressed, I'm 18, and stuck in this house with someone that doesn't seem to display much love... but really negativity. I'm stuck here for 1-1.5 years. I didn't want to really leave, but I have to go on to university and I cannot take anymore of the negativity and being insulted. I am no longer friends with my best friend, and since then... I just don't fit into society or really connect with people. I can't feel much connection with anyone. It's lonely... life seems pointless... I made stupid decisions. The negativity makes it worse. I don't come home to a warm supporting family. They love me, but it's just not there. It makes everything worse. The people around me that could be considered friends just don't get it. No one understands how bad it feels. Like being in a bad dream on loop everyday. Will it ever end? Why does society hate me, why does my family not care about me? Why can't I have a normal life like everyone else? Why am I treated so poorly when there are people out there that are really bad and just get by?",1.7742016806722702,4.116587310924373,3.542127731092439,86.62346050420167,81.35294117647058,7.6735462184873935,19.60403361344537,8.608573733854374,1.215399462184874,932,24,195,23,25,311,125,238,0.248,0.591,0.161,-0.9808,0,2,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,1,18,22,3,0,6,0,22,5,0,4,1,42,48,15,1,4,11,0,3,2,3,2,2,0,1,1,14,15,0,0,6,1,1,2,16,8,0,1,5,3,20,14,23,36,4,18,0,2,0,3,10,10,0,4,8,125,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530744435118102,0.06719681191612814,0.0,0.0,0.08555122996512289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407236789294242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085320857871101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596495988303805,0.0,0.0,0.08278343627377435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672969451718925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277258449722298,0.0,0.0997387910728474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819916340519628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028095998863764,0.0,0.08511792219245258,0.0,0.0,0.06347452040369803,0.08692983731240075,0.0,0.09182966003436294,0.0863703567848239,0.0,0.1811929846626054,0.0,0.09718420286169588,0.06865534831676287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227446961103488,0.0,0.10041874529170934,0.0,0.054617029253276494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488091229568366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639822636530816,0.0,0.0,0.11088890251593078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175823136264343,0.0,0.0,0.13575948861416973,0.09390124829450401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26020764981379163,0.09093411593603104,0.128297775199894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194912469059014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193826910423347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415963833393247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065121259549238,0.0730899657325223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998752548823724,0.08391263329147057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693927367107385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749754566409688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949663732956412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142698427195709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905550654655012,0.0,0.0,0.07225680743713904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004565911056072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336699862840585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346868733889418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587246852378304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188659154039192
suicidewatch,but_why_tbh,2018/02/08,"When even the suicide hotline doesn’t answer... What does one do when all they can think about or imagine is their own blood pooling on the floor after slitting their wrists and the suicide hotline won’t even answer? I can’t go to a hospital because I am over 18 and if I continue along this pathetic path called life, I will have an ever-looming label of instability following me wherever I go. ",7.715657894736843,7.167138723684211,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,63.07894736842106,10.757894736842106,38.73684210526316,10.125756701596842,3.979826315789473,317,15,56,6,4,104,59,76,0.175,0.825,0.0,-0.9369,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,9,3,2,0,1,10,13,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,7,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459805964736247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924653128251188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506467601904301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783534370025708,0.2590819317423701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325556469043336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230585751653016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408458871124626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265907045431353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835254102405625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crimsonang2l,2018/02/08,"Stuck Hopeless. Helpless. Powerless. 
Unappreciated. Unheard. Undervalued.
Stuck in the motions of every day,
Losing meaning to hold on just a little longer.
I do not fear the darkness or death.
I welcome the solitude and stillness.",4.175555555555556,6.401545054054058,4.829549549549551,67.75951951951953,111.97297297297294,4.887687687687689,36.54354354354355,6.42735559955562,3.6434588588588603,185,12,22,3,9,59,33,37,0.424,0.436,0.14,-0.9329,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,2,0,6,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25349435617401217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311741481430086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442307313942587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39395431204696574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397391037550548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281629291873775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31390215313144504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Coolmintasaurus,2018/02/08,"Finding the light, holding the darkness at bay. I’ve struggled all my life with thoughts, thoughts of all the pain I dealt with in school being bullied, thoughts of not feeling good enough, thoughts of being a failure.
After years of them being beaten into submission, I thought they were gone, now they are back, last night I fumbled around in the darkness, trying to find the light, but it wasn’t where I kept it for so long, the darkness found it and hid it, I had to fight for my very mental existence to find the light, each piece of the darkness grabbing me, reminding me why I hurt, telling me that I’m not good enough for my future wife, that I’m not a good step dad to our kids, that I am a failure at my job, that everyone who beat me around in school was right and I’m a piece of shit. 
What seemed like a eternity and as I sat there shaking fighting everything in my head telling me to just end it, I finally found the light, I wrapped my mind around it, letting it warm me, heal me, the darkness is back at bay for now, how long this time I don’t know, hopefully for a few more years.

It’s getting harder to beat them, when I grow stronger they grow far more stronger, it’s getting harder for the light to heal me, I’m gonna push on tho, I haven’t given up in 31 years, I can’t give up now.",11.261985903814256,5.430552503731345,9.892736318407962,77.17398839137644,61.27611940298507,13.105140961857385,43.58374792703151,8.515128840125781,3.677948922056385,1013,37,229,8,9,315,134,268,0.194,0.7490000000000001,0.057,-0.9853,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,1,0,5,3,16,14,4,2,17,0,14,6,2,1,2,35,37,9,0,1,5,2,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,16,10,0,2,13,0,0,6,7,8,0,0,15,8,34,6,38,17,10,43,0,1,0,0,15,18,1,2,20,148,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289428393895914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666634200952132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598749007646146,0.2239593084531106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035563175678039,0.0973998607019432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054797318047097546,0.0,0.0,0.11871878233497472,0.29715652555222744,0.0,0.0,0.2376537203771352,0.0,0.0,0.11324222994288916,0.1039625334886889,0.0,0.2726977412182422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122332961991654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764016389398924,0.0,0.0,0.11601696280619815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754480110194664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595596980939883,0.08833954430910099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082009605166934,0.07654799500788083,0.052946223936580425,0.0,0.0,0.1918157452195676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092158357516434,0.0,0.1094271802793729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170196818204827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531792916182013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255108654224807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193612176396073,0.0,0.098659920703742,0.0,0.0,0.11124469340918584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329638137019853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894478842037906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301855664909767,0.0631939439399891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735790568834269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942017296811855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779097719503996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936854795109616
suicidewatch,FuckingShittyAssdick,2018/02/08,"I hate this life. Everyone always says ""it gets better"" but it doesn't. Warning: Incoherent thoughts, this will be a mess. Was going to post to r/rant but figured this was more fitting.

If I (16M) wasn't terrified of death (what happens after, is there really hell, etc.) and the possibility of failing and being crippled, I would have already tried to get rope to hang myself.

I want to cut my wrists, but if my parents find scars, they're going to go batshit insane. I haven't cut since February 17th of last year, today is February 7th, and I couldn't care less about fucking up a full year. 

Also, why the fuck isn't there a place where we could offer tips on suicide and self harm? I know it sounds morbid as fuck, and it is, but for fuck's sake, stop forcing me to suffer! I'm not about to call the suicide hotline because I don't want to be locked up in a white box for the next eternity.

Good news. The average US life expectancy is around 80. I'm 20% there.

",2.730826923076921,4.326027117948724,4.049278846153847,87.73853365384615,75.25641025641026,6.926282051282049,25.008012820512814,7.6454224807358475,1.1851089743589749,748,25,157,10,16,246,126,195,0.274,0.6409999999999999,0.085,-0.9943,2,0,0,0,0,3,35.0,2,0,0,2,8,15,8,0,9,0,19,7,1,0,0,26,37,13,3,8,7,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,8,7,0,1,4,0,0,4,7,12,0,0,4,3,14,3,23,26,4,22,1,2,1,4,7,9,5,2,8,94,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872699792382355,0.10777910866223894,0.1121431698481592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997786739300395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215727642064301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919708153070747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761982004698695,0.0,0.1374115718739959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760646127053973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503091791725815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878279808296153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318143958775656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983873664845298,0.14082821382336902,0.0,0.2297863407394909,0.11304244546932778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918063386622788,0.0,0.0,0.1330619035889909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406853346729049,0.10985919511912837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903904120248552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333419604206424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496511184685543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081065375966326,0.0,0.0,0.15193798399612726,0.12907670355777234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863399875510996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071780816146679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059918329621499,0.0,0.0,0.1114868484720151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267750603965533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948428282635469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699588832200063,0.0,0.0,0.12775045502860716,0.0,0.0,0.09150302992909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211711366805098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589869687873189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161301180102793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573992878559633,0.0,0.0,0.1735807019084387
suicidewatch,melancholien,2018/02/08,"cant go on ive been dealing with all this for so long. Everytime something postive happens something comes along and crushes me back to square one. Every day feels the same, every month feels the same, im tired of it all. I just want everything to stop. I dont want a future. I dont want anything at all. I wish I would have done it any of the other times I was close too. I wish I wasnt so scared of death and just would have gotten it over with so i wouldnt have to be here now. I just want everything to stop. ",0.08310810810810665,2.0832801261261267,1.7310135135135134,99.12733108108112,85.57657657657657,4.781081081081081,18.25900900900901,5.985473137389443,-0.4650666666666665,398,10,96,3,12,129,63,111,0.132,0.746,0.122,-0.6299,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,4,0,15,1,0,0,3,28,27,5,1,9,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,5,3,12,0,14,18,5,15,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,9,67,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438401258214453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631590691736308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180306102838422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322250733182624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899361471453834,0.15824986303904073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708191126229307,0.3597974010159188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586576405052557,0.0,0.2759084974590687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522656375687974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723654178303301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357379160903198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658043533847994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584104143248169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252076697849384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401432588518232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367843628650646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634076585907096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566626701657652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950601158635517,0.17642355460754874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621487674403559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530306176279529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808137779463516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ehjy89,2018/02/08,"overthinking. I don’t know if I want to even post this. I’ve been writing out my thoughts for hours because otherwise I don’t know how else to distract myself. I’m currently a senior in high school, about to graduate in a few months. I’ve suffered from anxiety since I was 12 and I’ve never taken any medication for it. I've had suicidal thoughts since then as well.

I’ve been in mostly AP/GT/Honors classes all my life and I’ve been raised to keep up expectations thus I’m always on edge about my grades. The culture I grew up in focuses heavily on academic success so I grew up thinking that anything less = failure. But because of my anxiety and other personal issues I’m failing my classes and I ended my internship because I’m so unmotivated to do anything. I keep telling myself to do better, that I’ve done this much for the last 12 years yet I still don’t try hard enough and I’m so scared that I’ll get rescinded from the colleges I barely got into or that I won’t be able to get into any more at this point. I told myself years ago that if I stayed living here after high school that I would kill myself.

I drive to school and every morning since about October of last year I’ve had thoughts of killing myself while driving. I actually attempted to drive straight into a railing while getting off the highway on the way back from school 2 weeks ago but I stopped myself last minute. I keep wanting to drive my car into the lake next to my school. The thoughts continue even when I’m home but it’s just different ways I fantasize about killing myself. I try to listen to music or paint or do anything to keep these thoughts away but they just come back. I don’t tell my friends about my thoughts because I don’t want to burden them and a part of me doesn’t want them to contact a professional to help me get counseling. I’m so selfish. 

After years of telling me that my anxiety was fake and I was being dramatic, my mom’s kinda opened up more to me about receiving help but I most definitely won’t be able to get counseling or any help until college but at this point I don’t see myself living beyond this summer. I can’t fall asleep at night and if I do, I wake up at 2 or 3 AM every morning and just sit up and stare at nothing for hours. 

I know that I’m just overthinking right now and that everything will be fine, that everyone my age is going through heavy stress right now, and that high school isn’t forever but my mind tells me that nothing will get better for me and that I should have just killed myself like I planned to back in sophomore year. ",4.320660055448922,5.267896130518237,5.115587012156112,84.16296891661338,70.42034548944338,8.322478140328428,29.635370014928554,8.59863814320734,2.119784346342504,2048,79,417,33,36,665,224,521,0.114,0.809,0.077,-0.9637,2,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,3,6,29,19,4,3,12,0,35,4,2,2,2,72,74,40,5,10,20,1,1,1,1,6,2,1,1,1,22,21,0,5,10,0,0,11,12,12,1,0,18,4,63,7,71,46,10,90,0,2,2,0,19,36,0,11,39,268,85,17,0.12482525416872255,0.0,0.06090572090464245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065005629570968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193230550550073,0.0,0.0,0.12732817991262954,0.0,0.14323646666599132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408082256987465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863871764380697,0.14397437317895606,0.0,0.1521846327102636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103977934955508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376295184149761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520791145263094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386978670858975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213774131559778,0.0,0.05527906254757508,0.06448892772500524,0.0,0.0824459031234313,0.0,0.10517066030621586,0.059637939813481686,0.056092444833997716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821984086416206,0.0,0.1956481299923563,0.0,0.035470534271598096,0.0,0.049917079381353535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559094547782852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550160499879567,0.19782710161690845,0.06260495378017672,0.0,0.12292773122351815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514256736648895,0.0,0.22190084255828954,0.27620129867531545,0.0,0.10290104284307088,0.15262386352837626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044083884270350135,0.030491657009853155,0.0,0.1102229863356521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287415564610524,0.0,0.0,0.06301896151519022,0.07309691451969888,0.04981716348754207,0.0,0.045880462195917966,0.0,0.0481364656238722,0.0,0.06637653696003493,0.05857002257136412,0.0,0.1197731979306111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758679306625368,0.0,0.0,0.054496298602813416,0.0,0.0,0.11800021227719905,0.0,0.059774044303200324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660008502648766,0.0,0.0,0.06248592768227235,0.3789894639630452,0.0497347831961671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488511023542806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665235562076556,0.049842804611248,0.05217975089497024,0.07149345345488056,0.0,0.0,0.06826928405100609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820554807850365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039991491324231285,0.0,0.2972919260813163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059637939813481686,0.0,0.08474815383568331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725033803905954,0.09908047662180257,0.0500636447754435,0.0,0.05611644720402805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433613957497819,0.0,0.0,0.20095842781985224
suicidewatch,CosmoMem0ry,2018/02/08,"I’ve failed myself again. Tonight was the night. There I sat in my truck, gun in hand... pointed right at my temple. But, yet again... I couldn’t pull the trigger. This is my third attempt... I’m still here but don’t want to be. I just can’t gather the courage to end it all.",-1.0763793103448265,1.0018005862068975,0.2581896551724157,106.12452586206899,94.86206896551724,2.9000000000000004,15.870689655172415,3.1291,-1.476420689655172,206,5,52,0,8,64,44,58,0.069,0.8270000000000001,0.103,0.4404,0,0,0,1,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,1,1,7,9,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,7,1,5,5,1,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,7,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284349005186597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539411603107733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572744804115733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41309670170598217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863017216837332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853122910451333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway82637382917,2018/02/08,"i wish i were dead for as long as i can remember i’ve been unhappy. my whole life i’ve had issues with mental health. i’ve always thought about suicide but only now am i seriously pondering it. 

i really have no reason to live. i am ugly and socially inept. i have no friends, no talents, no skills, no hobbies, and no motivation to do anything. i am painfully mediocre at everything i do. not only am i extremely ugly but i am also gay and too socially anxious to try dating websites which even lessens my chances of getting a girlfriend. 

i’ve tried taking several different antidepressants + anxiety medications, working out and talking to new people which didn’t help. nobody’s advice works for me. i hate humanity and the way people treat each other. sometimes i think i’m too sensitive to live in this world. 

now i just have to wait until my parents die to kill myself because i know it would devastate them and i can’t bare the thought of it. i wish i could just die in my sleep tonight instead of going on like this forever.",3.7633529411764712,5.7916662999999975,5.459235294117651,76.87682352941178,73.5,8.505882352941176,31.764705882352942,9.168548406835145,3.153558823529412,820,40,145,19,17,279,126,200,0.302,0.579,0.118,-0.9937,2,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,5,10,8,2,0,3,0,18,6,1,2,0,27,30,12,5,4,5,1,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,8,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,6,0,25,4,22,22,2,15,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,8,102,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596347369224167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308446321845993,0.10725843450461066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861118898934547,0.14562480208048229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607698910573067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857866746563504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291933600669984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267563952024566,0.13467721934632082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513986057677883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585058205809035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959089227424443,0.0,0.06734700726413913,0.0,0.0732591002841338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726598945332798,0.0,0.13701889890955127,0.0,0.0,0.08640161808697303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454226087845575,0.0,0.0,0.14261315098420205,0.0,0.07084225420514405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104869055388562,0.0629759715940586,0.0,0.2276491452807328,0.11407596259092967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985719466443033,0.12990488949987022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449626349330785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607456511529453,0.13716291911353792,0.0,0.1431326108449987,0.0,0.0,0.17873157318561778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257918794713406,0.13253475649014654,0.0,0.0,0.14602307673885773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562480208048229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899706913883102,0.2628027410095415,0.0,0.0,0.12748932855643608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410000280323756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691974782629094,0.10360813329688563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259646305299166,0.0,0.20467071682362148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503467676027762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023179763442196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439166860330921,0.2964664221158528,0.0,0.0,0.18768725986704995,0.0,0.0,0.09156968627719356,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoloStory,2018/02/09,"When a failed attempt makes you want it more I made attempt nearly 2 weeks ago. Those thoughts haven't left, I've got that fake face on where all is okay.

A fm knows, a friend knows but when said I'm well it feels like to them my life is a joke. How can try and end my life and everyone assumes I am ok.

I have a noose image in my head, I've never had the balls for suspension hanging but I am having the feelings that it's okay because I am tormented inside.

I don't want these days, it wasn't a cry for help, now I'm so misunderstood by my services, I'm dying to leave.

And my brother brings me down more than any one will ever know, nobody could know unless their there too and he wouldn't be like he has been. Can't hack all this stuff on one had an on other I'm seeing through it all, the fake' ness of life


Everyone battles. 
No one is really self assured.
Everyone struggles with their mind.
Body clenched,
heavy like a stone
My emotions are hiding inside.
I talk, a web of speech
that those around me
cannot decipher.
Imma agitated way, my chest, head and legs are frozen.

I'd wrote that this morning, crap but better than a essay saying same.

I'm just trapped an I want to leave

",1.3926349527665316,3.391613639676116,2.6124139676113347,94.66345226045885,80.61943319838056,5.574156545209177,20.41312415654521,6.6274283507984215,0.10989622132253628,927,25,208,9,24,297,151,247,0.14400000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.158,0.1919,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,3,4,12,17,2,1,14,3,24,10,7,3,6,37,46,13,1,5,5,1,2,3,1,2,3,3,0,1,16,7,0,0,8,2,0,2,8,6,1,3,9,6,21,11,20,33,6,21,0,1,1,0,14,9,1,1,12,125,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121298895925168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531730840383939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111686268990951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764794363599007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109594427709522,0.0,0.13935811387194294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016984332000757,0.0,0.13781225192053972,0.08091151650224869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302079871105953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112595462258887,0.11112059005829213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348602699657814,0.0,0.3596480886175431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687299793243748,0.08962886568550109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693031904676687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034206549846664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575169327954713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409339665584131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27579880630801873,0.0,0.0,0.26568869213557417,0.13631298653582866,0.0,0.2658489673897875,0.18388070071958407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871357240598733,0.08374572661174796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266791415357663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676272022236047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550454451915238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037308283469094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934147847854992,0.09977106872502972,0.0,0.0,0.09997561826275493,0.0,0.1308824581294796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115834927340214,0.1436220310674971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084023937301616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960146670146207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851793104529153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199921220309807,0.09958454899625,0.10063668759086168,0.0,0.11280387976767768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weightedoctopus,2018/02/09,someone please talk me out of this before 'I do something I'll regret I'm feeling like an absolute sack of shit. I just want to die. I just want to not be where I am right now. I just want to get it out of the way.,-0.8620408163265303,0.7395901428571463,1.7177142857142869,100.20228571428574,86.3469387755102,4.736326530612245,17.963265306122448,5.6839178017228535,-0.6523583673469382,163,4,43,1,5,56,34,49,0.189,0.624,0.187,-0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,8,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478771153093966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023261789858137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729138178293694,0.20810668447331604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219362113792986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231576948902902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31976285329730963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877088711902665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29901800292808395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468198055789403,0.2242590258555362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341380504697013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154535835518042,0.2312224991120529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_NET_COSTS,2018/02/09,"What is the point of emotion? Whenever I try and reconnect to my emotions from the numbness and apathy, I feel nothing but anger and sadness. There are holes in my walls from attempting to end the emptiness. What do I do? Because if I don’t feel something other than anger, I feel like I’m going to snap. ",3.41,5.252993333333336,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,74.0,7.466666666666668,30.33333333333333,8.238735603445708,2.2922333333333333,240,11,46,4,5,78,41,60,0.159,0.672,0.17,0.4125,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,10,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,7,1,8,10,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270659476836575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6373839613985846,0.2509335794174525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297587263428211,0.20240076185512065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610148167936321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841371910507105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184901380280085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678248714262584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811023418552314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923527336657213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tom4iks,2018/02/09,"I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore I've been depressed for 2 years, I am - Overweight,ugly,failure,bad at school,poor.I'm getting more sad/depressed every day - at school the teacher told me that I'm a failure and that I am braindead and that really hurt me and now I'm thinking about kill myself even more.",1.4106493506493507,3.6896686363636384,2.7477489177489183,92.1559090909091,82.33333333333333,4.377489177489178,26.095238095238088,5.288315135182226,0.6294874458874462,254,11,51,1,7,82,43,66,0.25,0.75,0.0,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,12,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,4,10,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,32,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668664737086455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196532068551124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180031883431958,0.0,0.4054640737357105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546595396068216,0.0,0.19831739860623665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229760849945769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519786458826014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604125660401287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507901486392754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764332839183225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508216930979312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249152196555331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515766945541439
suicidewatch,Jeff___Lebowski,2018/02/09,"So close I was fucked up enough the other night to try again and tied a cord around the doorknob in my dorms bathroom and let my weight fall and hung there for a bit. I was choking and starting to feel light headed and my vision was fading a bit  I just was ready to get it over with. I heard my roommate walk in and barely got the thing undone around my neck and just laid there for a while. When I walked out he just said hi and I went and slept. It just felt wierd doing it when he was right there across the door. No ones here now though. I can either get it over with or call my parents and tell them how I feel and have to deal with all the emotions of it. I don't know, I wish there was an off switch I could press. I'm so goddamn tired. And I don't want sympathy or attention I just want to feel different and I don't know how to do that ",1.9896487119437936,3.0131869071038264,2.7264363778298204,98.79700819672131,76.10382513661202,5.884309133489461,19.082357533177206,5.773587663045528,-0.5231183450429353,656,11,164,3,14,205,102,183,0.134,0.841,0.025,-0.9541,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,21,1,1,0,10,0,15,6,3,2,1,42,34,23,0,4,8,1,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,8,20,1,0,7,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,12,9,21,0,22,20,5,24,0,0,0,1,10,12,1,2,8,116,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29294617859377475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592642541396693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801098926633615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131369653029196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963074117724306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190646833663348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508232695299132,0.0,0.17001102420026626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495850222693093,0.0,0.15798161991494852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521120912168043,0.17192790626377058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159551709245326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886274845418858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808508044422292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825054660017194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544071188041996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149473910509447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269921040538348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051396320675266,0.15651265989937838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646035445867095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381286068671348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093112772251196,0.0,0.16165707107904656,0.0,0.0,0.189111432733558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171003256656392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409673619173126,0.0,0.0,0.2003621162338902,0.0,0.15252773423793686,0.0,0.0,0.18920978564043292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SprakzZ_Zz,2018/02/09,"I just dont know, wish i could afgord help I have depression for a good 5-7 years. Mosley because of my parents. Iets been a hell for me.
I had to stop school, my parents say my lack of motivation made me fail, but in was there pushiness i had to go to them every night to tell them what i die and what i have done. But last weeks since i'm out of school they are forcing me to get à second job, that is in my next possible major that is cooking. So they force me to do à full time job als Cook just to say: ""we knel you couldnt do in listen to is The next time"". Sitting begind my pc is making me calm and they want me to stop and be there mold of them i just want to make it stop. I'm too stressed for 2 jobs.  I feel like i'm worth nothing at all",2.214756493506492,2.2464271964285736,3.711601731601732,95.65461038961041,74.65476190476191,6.823376623376625,22.415584415584416,6.11248444174946,0.03092142857142877,571,12,150,3,11,190,98,168,0.152,0.75,0.098,-0.8854,5,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,6,2,7,7,1,1,3,0,18,2,0,4,1,26,32,6,1,6,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,2,3,3,2,1,1,2,4,0,1,6,4,28,3,22,23,4,19,1,2,0,0,15,6,1,0,12,92,33,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253010600041416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809477920759926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660784396405055,0.0,0.1405093903643401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854697871681385,0.15867149330033478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406862294342768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845527677976199,0.09671985226083188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707336460083244,0.0,0.07694303692014985,0.11355543189337683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074644466888784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030494221996776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440465634538455,0.11035773595853683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614280667726674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810559518572653,0.1807425374273048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879692927567261,0.1270506774613474,0.0,0.12990660811385935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006604699760241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262747830743478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532891113116465,0.0,0.2740359091180066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199277559955301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395665091075915,0.15508431270325068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833341311854312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788943975318698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970845137954334,0.0,0.1085985578570386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568732603849028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718420541829361
suicidewatch,twowolves1111,2018/02/09,"Addicted to Fentanyl. Gasping for one last breath. I am a Native American from Canada traveling in Europe. 

I became addicted to Fentanyl after visiting with a doctor in Belgium... who recommend that I take Durogesic patches in place of the 50 mg of oxycodone I had been taking for arthrosis of the spine.

Not knowing what this was, he told me that it would get me the opiates I had been taking. Like a fool, I trusted him.

He started me on one 100 microgram patch every two days. It certainly got me off the oxycodone and I felt great.  However , six months later I know what it is now. Ans I abuse it by chewing and sucking out the remaiming medication from the used patch I change... as shameful as that may seem to the readers.

I am so sick of my addiction (and the shame associated with it) that I am considering ending my life. (Putting on thirty patches and chewing five or six 100 microgram patches, I think, would be enough to make me sleep the big sleep.

As I am in Europe without health insurance (which does not coer addiction anyway), I cannot afford the exorbitant prices associated with treatment for this addiction. (All these so called treatment centers boast about how they want to help pepole, however, when you mention that you cannot afford 2000 euros to pay for treatment... they dont want anything more to do with you.

I cant see the light and I am truly gasping for one last breath.",5.700536544148713,6.9232416920152104,6.260424588086185,76.20244085340093,67.44106463878327,9.03836079425433,33.622517955217575,9.2995712137729,3.1667230249260667,1107,50,194,21,18,360,149,263,0.07200000000000001,0.843,0.086,0.1923,4,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,3,2,0,7,8,1,2,15,0,20,17,5,3,2,29,38,13,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,3,10,0,0,0,17,10,2,0,5,1,3,3,7,4,0,7,8,3,30,4,37,26,3,24,0,0,1,0,14,11,1,3,11,143,47,2,0.0,0.13581654015868902,0.0,0.6248122787309017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432984401826244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170489558552316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126221080235107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392617812525704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732756914605452,0.1003125508642088,0.0,0.13434425459262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152721008269157,0.11844232900131432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965798191155556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100617509373114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059888885835465575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916792284728676,0.12637880220601633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218451944258077,0.0,0.0,0.07683335684562093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599412644362695,0.1868757577999996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096580465207685,0.056001906044344386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765157022184487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547658941502795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149571989884163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302659283045404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976283641581448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523373738377085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913444177463874,0.10435387453147756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294234312882014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113494806169155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25856007335287706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344959111238543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953285684125408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197581032903313,0.0,0.0,0.09900259299549152,0.0,0.0,0.13522222805399906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049819990531723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628582088565757,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SanctifyAU,2018/02/09,"Talking I dont really feel I can talk to the people that matter in my life as I know when I do it tends to damage the friendship and I feel they are all getting sick of me... I cant talk to my family Im in a really shitty place at the moment, feeling a lot like I want to hurt myself, I dont have a lot of motivation to carry on...

My family hates me, I have a few close friends but some of them arent reliable at all and cancel on me constantly. I am constantly sick and cant seem to shake the aide effects of illnesses that have stalked me since I was much younger... whats the live for, nothing ever gets better and no one else likes the person I am, whats the point?

",2.548561643835619,2.9937861849315084,4.8135890410958915,86.55572602739728,74.13698630136986,8.305753424657535,24.189041095890413,8.548686976883017,1.3149556164383562,517,14,120,9,10,182,84,146,0.19,0.6990000000000001,0.111,-0.9396,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,3,2,8,1,1,11,0,14,4,0,2,3,21,24,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,3,22,4,18,23,7,15,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,4,7,86,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345793119456392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288768546836026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566770917672871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271159708991042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764372862047186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28689893803902483,0.0,0.2308205638902752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175638171769924,0.0,0.1590019141030715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023337149886584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628978797389772,0.0,0.16436643066532122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362698266469328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748002519151814,0.14868218251604254,0.0,0.13436621504797985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258733818665508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186022543690413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460083037590794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311227138969872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054934116660399,0.1328663216415879,0.15898208793567795,0.0,0.14384696355679266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496410430197675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852708698039268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587408320468196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669181196034303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975201654668064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AutomaticPrinciple,2018/02/09,"I'm might be about to peace out. I wonder if I would actually die by jumping from the 7th floor onto grass, my father jumped from the same balcony and he died, he was in way worse condition than me and older.

I just don't want to do it then leaving my self incapable of ending it after.",6.154,4.671275733333335,7.15666666666667,79.37500000000003,66.66666666666666,10.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.1175,224,6,48,3,3,76,49,60,0.21600000000000005,0.732,0.052000000000000005,-0.8727,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,9,4,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,12,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,4,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2698531628361645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5739884797558024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449232953081138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29280509566144003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933543833053198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884808560347116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310442130201347,0.2194964577594392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29988473649988456,0.0,0.0,0.2818074573208601,0.19643881255400344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,movingalong16,2018/02/09,I'm buying a gun. Title says it all. I go pick it up tomorrow. I may not even ever use it. I don't know. It just feels comforting to know there's a way out if I ever need one.,-3.239285714285714,-1.6880230238095209,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,100.66666666666666,4.704761904761905,11.761904761904766,6.42735559955562,-0.9684095238095232,131,2,36,2,6,50,32,42,0.066,0.8590000000000001,0.075,0.0772,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,14,9,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,3,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263694368989368,0.620036455477587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732942063788516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478093065570687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37671006469662055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541293957536032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322422093235963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725520552999156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960080304152248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27204252547245633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kotehan184,2018/02/09,"Attempted hanging but failed Hi Reddit,

Not sure if it's the right place to post.

My life was just full of stress and I could no longer deal with the two hour commute to and from school everyday. I couldn't deal with people saying my major can't make money. I also recently had a break up with my ex. A lot of other stresses and I just feel I'm not good enough.

I just attempted suicide today by hanging. It was weird all I could remember were my hands couldn't move nor could my body (I couldn't even control where I looked) and I just felt pressure on my neck the whole time. When I came to my hands struggled to rip the rope off my neck but I eventually did and I just started bawling.  Also, I woke up to my shorts being soaked with pee. No idea how long I was out for...

I called my ex who was also my closest friend bawling and he just told me angrily that because I did that he hates me. 

My eyes feel bruised all over and I have a headache. 

I don't want anyone to hate me and I think a part of me wants to live. Sorry if this is a weird post.... maybe I'm not thinking straight. 

I'm broken that maybe I lost a relationship and I'm sad to hear him say he hates me. I'm also sad that maybe I screwed my body up too. Is there anything I could do to make it all better? Do you think he really hates me and won't ever talk to me/want to be close to me again?

I don't want to go into a psych ward (again) but I'm worried I damaged my eyes/head/etc. I also feel horrible that my ex hates me and probably will never talk to me again.... Someone please help me, I'm a total wreck and I'm just so sorry to everyone.",0.14460705662434847,2.1237069048991373,2.1119479710257814,96.6248796635252,85.13832853025937,5.134636653945012,18.88846483370979,6.382479282647008,-0.18428383830516407,1244,33,295,12,37,413,167,347,0.281,0.6809999999999999,0.038,-0.9982,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,1,0,6,23,21,6,4,12,0,27,10,8,4,7,66,60,26,1,12,15,3,6,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,11,20,0,1,9,0,1,5,14,17,0,1,13,11,52,4,33,36,10,37,0,5,2,1,23,16,1,3,13,192,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308521991406472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785660994148379,0.0,0.06809135737453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050440045230582105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731804466469826,0.0,0.18382011953830096,0.0,0.0,0.08449099398395396,0.09463722564531672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280456218996536,0.2642577753332211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061110103435131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549679092800093,0.0922815619789912,0.05465170836978473,0.07484679029025594,0.0,0.07906554894744967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551373399517565,0.0,0.07944732755932722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392789891816121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047025388073671334,0.0694018388980558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084634208863376,0.08491933489624116,0.0,0.09325863261322999,0.0,0.05546163691574864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148628692112254,0.0,0.0,0.09340803553799412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058444616304186014,0.0,0.0,0.07306457054444987,0.0732259390288731,0.06948421796731473,0.0,0.09032497726726116,0.07034608863310811,0.0,0.0,0.1104646801602034,0.0,0.2493827588550844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794390064922923,0.0,0.0,0.06381736342409887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960381448611042,0.0,0.05736435171516688,0.0,0.0864499902384868,0.09082819199257526,0.0,0.0,0.1584919814608801,0.0,0.08921215213487456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300799961999611,0.0,0.08169983241999841,0.0888362146745577,0.093732953649766,0.07066302312608344,0.0,0.13160288461102226,0.0,0.08374146308891556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010882113892715,0.0,0.0,0.1852505274439826,0.05856671132587811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956621108099506,0.08650211592285692,0.0,0.09050863320603772,0.0,0.07798535027929733,0.0,0.0,0.13301317261549614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905726579421833,0.0,0.0,0.048248759565037116,0.0,0.07843174713921412,0.07906554894744967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082897833416121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521849423651447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238085077122636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403066649305291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mattersn0t,2018/02/09,Goodbye I'm 15 soon to be 16 and I can't deal with the pain anymore. I'm thinking of killing myself on my birthday but I'm not sure what way I wanna leave,-0.9683333333333336,0.8378821666666703,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,88.44444444444444,3.6,22.88888888888889,3.1291,-0.2938111111111104,122,5,30,0,4,42,30,36,0.248,0.752,0.0,-0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632754732269923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776436869055441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052614762032389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878634025354389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38977364076652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34523750243150314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347130283218388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29075533251474023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snitchsnatcher,2018/02/09,"My life is in shambles My finances are ruined, my car is about to die, the love of my life just left me and I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to, I don't wanna be lonely.",-1.264772727272728,-0.1828388409090902,1.8409090909090933,101.45636363636366,85.13636363636364,4.4,15.545454545454547,3.1291,-1.3446636363636362,137,2,39,0,4,49,31,44,0.18600000000000005,0.687,0.127,-0.4386,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,0,4,10,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,8,1,8,9,0,3,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078593518836047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597584926859495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269824576475431,0.0,0.5551578923568772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35468688516819563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662987432261641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158687541919554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zlepi,2018/02/09,"cold turkey zoloft im quitting zoloft cold turkey for the 2nd time and oh my god i feel like shit. i want to die so bad. i really want to kill myself, i wont bc my cat is my baby and she hates everyone but me but... i keep thinking of it. ive been crying all day. earlier i started crying and laughing ??? idk i feel like shit and i want to fucking die but i dont wanna go back on zoloft. yikes",-2.3427586206896582,-0.6942953908045943,0.9133793103448262,98.84455172413792,106.35632183908042,3.6993103448275866,13.845977011494252,5.6839178017228535,-0.9006422988505749,299,7,72,3,15,105,56,87,0.313,0.5489999999999999,0.138,-0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,5,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,1,16,16,8,3,4,3,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,4,16,3,7,14,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,6,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346387199940669,0.14619861070692994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846714796955665,0.11292302514321455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634459082701403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052122810069332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731260645093776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706852318262348,0.2501785429539033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618742769803543,0.0,0.0,0.0995116122345797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728719537096541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913471560884854,0.0,0.0,0.15563418378552776,0.19371879432383726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710870169319051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862371228255557,0.0,0.0,0.11217156773383716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594689352668347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393449806697884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219503340061092,0.0,0.0,0.10210041956726798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098300922426483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sgtcobblepot,2018/02/09,"Feel truly hopeless, meth has finished me Im told that its only meth withdrawl, and to just give it time when i was feeling suicidal and depressed before i relapsed on IV drugs. I spent years away from the needle and just lived a life of isolation and lonileness. What am I trying to give it time for, life wasnt worth it before , and now its so much worse. Life before was bad, cant get off meth , probation just wants my money or put me in jail, family doesnt understand. Idk why no matter what I do i meant for self destruction and misery. Meth is the only thing making the suicidal thoughts go away, while the disturbing manic 
thoughts/actions on it is haunting me more sober. Im finally broken",5.242614379084968,6.106491823529414,5.660686274509803,81.39281045751636,68.26470588235293,8.691503267973857,29.08169934640523,8.841846274778883,2.2434895424836605,552,19,104,9,9,177,90,136,0.285,0.6709999999999999,0.043,-0.9905,0,1,5,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,5,0,10,5,0,1,0,18,23,10,2,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,0,3,2,4,5,0,0,7,2,10,0,12,16,2,16,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,8,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716561932524293,0.0,0.1207097537172904,0.0,0.0,0.3690547839383124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451776659826692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765508318456396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628755167249004,0.0,0.14619768081999746,0.0,0.0,0.15836916171909896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553175948458746,0.27736907260961624,0.08216235535182986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123204089305574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063417993911934,0.0,0.0,0.12765779198455976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965014716192249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627544569199324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990371205729056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453325907663954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508178426487563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162718177777849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960457587106746,0.0,0.0,0.11477228153604647,0.16859963909099912,0.0,0.0,0.13814265006236004,0.0,0.09815341203408998,0.0,0.0,0.15050227205019218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527102035596992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045176826672594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473289886187441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309821854417674
suicidewatch,Br2the416,2018/02/09,"Suddenly rralized that it is too late - I am actually already dead. I (M-32) have been going through depression and social anxiety for about 5yrs since I was 27yo. It all really peaked in 2016-2017 when I went on wellbutrin (so I could get out of bed) and started avoiding my issues while focusing on my work as a deflection tactic.(fully powered by wellbutrin rather than willpower)
 
I was successful at that - got a promotion and earned respect at work but in the meantime I became severely suicidal and anti-social. I managed to eliminate all social contact with people who I'm not being paid to interact with apart from my partner with whom I have a classical co-dependant relationship.

The past year or so has been the worst and while succeeding at eliminating 99.9% of social contact, suicide has become this huge thing in my life. I think about it, day dream about it, am jealous of people who go through it, plan it, research it, watch shows about it, admire celebrities who did it etc... It's like a key chain the size of an elephant that I have been carrying around everywhere I go for 1+ year now.

Anyway, sorry if this has been  a long post so far but I am telling you all this because recently there has been a few turn of events and all of the sunden a few things which were huge sources of disappointment in my life have turned around and improved drastically.
However, this sudden turn of events and improvements have had little to no effect on me at all... I have not felt any happiness from it or any changes at all to the way I am completely distrustful of life and its purpose. 
Instead it just made me realized that suicide has been such a huge focus of mine for so long now that in reality I have been dead inside for quite sometime now. It's too late.

I feel like if things had changed in a positive way about 12 months ago I would have been able to pick myself up, shake it off and (maybe?) move on... But in reality I just realized that no matter how much things improve for me, I'm now unable to enjoy anything, love anything, hope for anything or believe in anything. I have been dead now for months and didn't realize it. Oh well... 

Anyone feel the same or similar? 
**ps sorry for formatting - cellphone.
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suicidewatch,norman159,2018/02/09,"My appearance makes me want to kill myself Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I can't help but cringe. I absolutely hate the way I look, I am disgusted by my face, and I can no longer live like that. I know this may sound vain and shallow, but I hate my appearance so much that it prevents me from leading a normal, happy life. I keep having panic attacts triggered by these thoughts, and with each panic attack the idea of suicide seems more and more appealing. I just can't go on living in this body, and since I can't change the way my face looks, suicide seems to be the only option.",8.860500000000002,5.7998140500000055,8.618333333333336,76.02000000000005,62.66666666666666,11.266666666666667,34.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.7603833333333334,466,13,95,5,5,151,78,120,0.343,0.585,0.07200000000000001,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,5,2,6,0,8,4,3,3,0,26,23,8,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,1,4,19,2,11,20,4,11,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,6,2,64,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033097699402608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663079631412534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583865698026339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614767750527536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509075639927152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593824027349958,0.0,0.29563997549750776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035584669518226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690184966734594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330802518672481,0.1656457811065615,0.0,0.08228357940468331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575344111987736,0.07314685871289693,0.0,0.264415449963975,0.0,0.3771876154677145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994094227898496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006327681184233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466962769242069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387072044025648,0.0,0.3513342268402869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726035114038135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385201271571132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275442638814873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188629538156836,0.08730440332111164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883102193207216,0.23768552894057315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heelo_me,2018/02/09,"This subreddit made me feel worse for myself EDIT: Nevermind, this thread was a mistake. I'm sorry if I was downplaying anyone else. I was a fucking idiot.",1.4468965517241372,4.036619206896553,3.7616551724137928,78.42386206896553,98.3103448275862,6.457931034482759,23.04137931034483,7.554174236665415,2.1902772413793103,123,5,19,3,5,42,23,29,0.342,0.6579999999999999,0.0,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,13,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27354540544461203,0.4008442132240759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268084768215581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780917737433196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36167035215540705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701754428992297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379312120926597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986797311504247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whiteface666,2018/02/09,I really want to die and i dont know what to do That is all. ,-5.5164583333333335,-4.811338062499999,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,117.125,4.633333333333333,5.333333333333333,6.42735559955562,-1.8395166666666665,45,0,15,1,3,18,13,16,0.248,0.6559999999999999,0.095,-0.5529999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538794592058573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6254733628314111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932986237583041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418914664380351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147804942122806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bariztizg,2018/02/09,Nice to see I’m not alone. Working two jobs to try and pay off student loans and medical bills.  Every extra penny I get goes to bills and after working 70-80 hours a week I sit home and do nothing because I have no expendable income.  I am told things like I should save for a house because paying rent is killing me but I don’t even have a car or a phone right now because I literally can’t afford the monthly payments/ insurance.  How am I supposed to save for a house???  Or even move to a cheaper apartment because I can’t save for a security deposit + first months rent??  Now someone got my debit card info and took all of my money on payday and I have bills due.  Already in this hole and I’m about to default on all these.  I am numb with stress and finally feel like the floor has dropped out under me.  I have been subconsciously giving thought to suicide for a while but today for the first time it seems real and more enticing than ever.  At the very least it was cool to come here and see I’m not alone.  Rant over.,3.1750299043062213,4.497014287081338,4.296719497607658,87.52297398325364,73.59330143540669,6.756100478468897,26.938098086124395,7.1686216300943375,1.2365141148325358,802,29,167,8,16,262,130,209,0.079,0.758,0.16399999999999998,0.9353,5,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,1,1,12,1,16,2,0,1,3,32,30,16,2,1,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,5,13,0,1,4,0,11,4,6,3,0,3,6,4,16,8,26,23,5,32,0,0,2,0,3,11,0,3,17,108,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763629684497334,0.1472307977102124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253230822639258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492835310107777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624351977253747,0.12068480709858954,0.11241096674882264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746047811664799,0.095314310069611,0.0,0.1461536093949011,0.0,0.2269716707120133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970573786454984,0.12798732611944794,0.0,0.0,0.10670708226415948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382978403301116,0.0,0.1313904949045794,0.3078944174579825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239742308303376,0.0,0.1476079683771725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036322610398324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440525331144876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298698675139072,0.14180291024091504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801879279617234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185963252281298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393879793513045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126347802265844,0.1214593279164608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304518900875915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528306125620111,0.0,0.0,0.14593834814917495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863742252759538,0.0,0.0,0.10591950492693683,0.07779748761799338,0.0,0.1264652797694345,0.12748723740674955,0.14823302902752766,0.0905825053784896,0.0,0.13033063435860218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008435880963988,0.0,0.0,0.10702039317413388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426073211384684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SomeWhereBetter765,2018/02/09,"Don't want to live anymore Title. My entire life I have been wanting to commit and start on a new life. 
I have embarassed myself way too many times in life aswell.

I am the black sheep in my family, My dad does not care about me, My mom(well I love her) And my brother is the worst thing ever, hes two years older than me and has always mocked me and always told me im worthless, I should die(he says that atleast 4 times a day) and has physically hurt me millions of times.

I have no plans for life.",1.387211538461539,3.3471694519230795,2.4217692307692325,96.22323076923077,80.44230769230771,4.929230769230768,19.053846153846152,5.6839178017228535,-0.4085238461538463,389,9,88,2,10,123,73,104,0.173,0.767,0.059,-0.8847,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,0,11,5,0,0,2,11,17,5,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,2,19,2,9,14,1,13,0,2,1,1,7,3,0,0,9,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900509720062305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285152134355736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770302034854935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124043705366771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088830197129568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252471347450158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765772266676262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430764285477922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658393669140694,0.0,0.1882660212802803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924323446826702,0.0,0.0,0.1539036444313984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730596366924182,0.0,0.0,0.1767054381965581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412949993958268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833297261962868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386045480620406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336526784798832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579232311600228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30489441932061995,0.0,0.0,0.16654414090586836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025863901746985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560469663700626,0.1383454300327107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223878230443303
suicidewatch,Sthrow97,2018/02/09,"The main thing stopping me from ending it all Whenever I think about committing suicide, I can't help but think about how certain people who had nothing to do with me / treated me like garbage will take advantage of me dying. I don't want to be someone's sob story to feed their own bullshit. It's kind of weird though, obviously none of that would matter when I'm dead. But I can't help but feel angry about it while I'm alive. 

I guess I kinda just want to see if anyone else feels the same.",3.971414427157004,4.852967584158421,4.641103253182461,87.48702970297029,71.17821782178217,7.355586987270155,26.309759547383308,7.447530270364453,1.189932390381896,390,12,82,4,7,125,70,101,0.272,0.607,0.121,-0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,4,23,19,8,3,4,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,11,5,12,15,5,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,3,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787912278499325,0.23135074286624036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343366060561193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886203701920144,0.0,0.1999848282355839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283345929493534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487355117400539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026874403230419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351277807399665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031064038913076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665365973568404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653584848957194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992711193789573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913129578815406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887723495876096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697996701656524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976759831490834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500062729908501,0.2893569881536304,0.2218396431801292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26635612294464256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039626666787304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SteadfastDrifter,2018/02/09,"I'm stuck in a blackhole I dropped out of university halfway through my second year even though I excelled at it. Now I owe more than $40,000. Since I can't pay it off, I've ran off to another country. I've been suicidal on and off since my sophomore year of high school. Since I can't speak the local language and I have no official qualifications, I can't work so I'm relying on my parents. Also, I have crippling ADHD that hasn't been treated, but I don't have the money to pay for a psychiatrist. My parents won't help me because they're narrow minded and think I need to go into a mental health clinic that will provide me with a strict structure for daily life. I absolutely hate the thought of being in a prison environment and told my dad that he'd need to send enough people to hold me down because I will beat the living shit of out anyone taking me against my will. I don't even remember what I'm writing at this point. Life has sucked since my mom left me and my younger brother alone with our biological father at the age of 3 in Thailand. Until I was 7, when my mom returned and took custody of my brother and I, often had to take care of myself. Everyday after the teachers and other kids bullied me, I could only comfort myself. Actually, it was more like I created a teflon shell around myself to deflect the constant abuse. My biological father was really negligent, possibly because of untreated ADHD, so I often acted as the parent to my younger brother and myself whenever we weren't with our grandparents. As a toddler, I would make sure that we always had food and kept a watchful eye over my younger brother. Anyway, what I'm saying is that no cared for me when I grew up, and it seems no one really gives a damn now either. I'm tired of being conned by other people to think that they care about me, that I'm important to them--but then they drop me when they can't deal with my issues anymore. I know that I would never give up on someone that's important to me. I'm tired of visiting counselors and them asking me how I'm feeling and making sure I wasn't suicidal. That wasn't helpful. I want to be free of the pain. I want to be able to focus on my daily and long term goals. I can't do any of that because I'm completely broke and don't have a way to dig myself of this void because I'm useless. I've been told to write a list of my positive qualities. So here it is: I'm stubborn, I'm loyal, and I'm empathetic. Everything else about me sucks. I used to be athletic, but even now my body is failing me. I used to be in Army ROTC and I was good at it, but I had to quit because of my uncontrollable depression. In the 1.5 years I spent training at the university and just this summer at Ft.Knox, I permanently ruined my back and other joints. I fall asleep and wake up feeling like I'm 60+ years olds. I can't stick to a fitness routine anymore after religiously taking care of my body because of my ADHD, so now the body that once drew envy and adoration is wasting away from atrophy. Absorbing and understanding new information comes easy to me, but since I haven't been medicated, my attention span and interest drops after a few days. I have 3 citizenships, but I don't speak the language for two of the countries and I'm essentially in exile from the US. I've thought about attempting to join the French Foreign Legion, but I'm afraid that I'd lose interest after a few months. I've thought of going to the UK and try making a living there, but I don't know what I'd do there. I'll admit that growing up in an American suburb has weaken my resolve for adversity. Also, sorry again for the rambling. There's just so much on my mind, and I haven't even written it all out. I left my remaining friends behind in the US and they'd never know if I'd simply disappear. My biological father used to be happy that I had picked myself up and gotten into university even though I'd dropped out of high school, but now he has given up on me since I'd dropped out of university. I'm not too devastated since the admission requirements were a breeze to surpass, but the recurring failures in life are depressing. I wish I could simply close my eyes and disappear from existence. I didn't choose to be born, and it seems I can't choose to cease living either. Some of you may write that I have so much to still see in life. The truth is that doesn't matter. I'm 1 in 7 billion humans living on a planet that is simply 1 in a nearly infinite number of solar systems, in a nearly infinite number of galaxies, in possibly an infinite number of universes. Also, this insignificant solar system will cease to exist in 5 billion years. There's a good chance that our species will die out in a thousand years because we're ultimately selfish idiots (especially me). Life doesn't matter, all beliefs are irrelevant, there is no point to life. Also, I could never bring myself to commit suicide because I'm a coward and fear the pain the process could induce. I guess it's time to get back to useless video games, books, music, and perhaps a trip out to the pub for the first time in this depressingly first world country where the most minor issues are unreasonably amplified. We're all gonna die and will be forgotten within a century. Have a terrifically mundane day/night and thanks for reading this worthless crap that I wrote because everyone including me gave up on me! Sorry for the rant!

Edit: Also, apologies for any perceived arrogance. I've been told that I'm an arrogant, self-absorbed prick by my dad and others around me because I don't give a damn about the opinions of others.",5.979230769230767,5.9922326750448835,7.003874326750452,75.37375238226768,66.50448833034112,9.835635961883717,32.668084518712895,9.584561623248238,2.9689888302720617,4456,173,844,83,65,1502,440,1114,0.185,0.7020000000000001,0.113,-0.9983,5,1,0,0,1,3,110.0,7,1,5,12,50,50,10,3,58,0,83,24,10,9,10,140,165,66,5,12,15,14,2,2,1,11,13,3,0,2,44,54,1,4,23,5,6,15,31,27,0,11,34,9,118,24,152,105,15,141,1,10,4,0,56,71,7,10,49,576,162,15,0.04791817802929885,0.05677520532626192,0.046761229476314274,0.0,0.1727650142339108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496287810719842,0.0,0.19160074828834706,0.03987176276558409,0.0,0.0,0.06517200848852786,0.0502463877266292,0.0,0.0,0.09504391321305512,0.033505504231219736,0.0,0.0,0.08531467537954712,0.044797027978841115,0.0,0.045020705628489664,0.0736922421838428,0.0,0.3213152422283327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967888023174182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542310432010335,0.0,0.0,0.04127726740679093,0.05024129798223148,0.05178252720505475,0.0,0.1530350640750467,0.0,0.0,0.06180652131387345,0.04940153746807062,0.12381556956432305,0.0,0.09946300697953064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040029489017172855,0.0,0.0,0.04951228724066473,0.0,0.15824752330625824,0.0,0.0,0.045787872595401284,0.043065768630777934,0.0,0.0,0.05392127232944922,0.048457741183532785,0.034232755958635785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151835550541803,0.057942851078910826,0.0,0.03702146547925629,0.0,0.025035270270445668,0.13790244815218886,0.054466009697793125,0.08038298853683593,0.0,0.0,0.05278727544243201,0.0,0.0,0.051009791547088484,0.0,0.04730928027289353,0.0,0.05093478249012047,0.0,0.0,0.06423708932239358,0.10125637195697634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000282566581841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900373242885488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412648127105972,0.0,0.20307615750585387,0.04682080268890237,0.0,0.16925051640635658,0.04240607965880458,0.0,0.05360818421954028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595726777592224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827252311650949,0.04829025297777949,0.0,0.09676739974507746,0.11224238193380053,0.0382478325369014,0.0,0.07045074877552758,0.0710614436793919,0.11087235887450246,0.04627967493776386,0.0,0.04496796401409482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028206713658739,0.051031295721052264,0.0324705975648476,0.03644393366708159,0.10197663981185356,0.0,0.15962239790247362,0.0,0.0,0.06644086236845315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059633352319968,0.10804109177896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096688069928068,0.04793114536880386,0.0,0.06139522372128551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428195461665199,0.0,0.0,0.038106458463734914,0.0,0.09699150879016173,0.038184583901927666,0.08724581919393819,0.04998911025086899,0.0,0.04918732114435399,0.2774688842703728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060091674385975,0.0,0.0,0.10728095436956507,0.0,0.0,0.038267518872632016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724412798713522,0.0,0.09032463140854184,0.0,0.10808551916159073,0.0,0.0,0.04411662031912325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061408067259897385,0.09415873323981508,0.1141250425285111,0.055882949913328296,0.11014979319185708,0.0,0.13736361778620385,0.05323885892897634,0.03253329745007831,0.0,0.046809097151034235,0.0498845132538128,0.1152793363192036,0.1241577617553182,0.0,0.0,0.05652676583772664,0.038035219312062586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510353989949698,0.0,0.0,0.03488500430807547,0.0,0.0,0.06807939766464291,0.0,0.0,0.18514641355013672
suicidewatch,Kwasiarz,2018/02/09,"i'm done with life... goodbye

Edit: I'm not gone after all... I'm sorry if I have made anyone here worried or anything pretty much for no reason...",-0.2530000000000001,2.0096740333333365,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,92.0,3.0,17.5,3.1291,-0.613,111,3,21,0,4,39,25,30,0.184,0.7120000000000001,0.104,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,7,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,13,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394858620993407,0.0,0.2818505515419376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35049919212077674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191979680159964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32408435055465645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517789045886131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484483933751403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521498350409546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383403748630886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34782813283088204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quintessentiallove,2018/02/09,"Do you ever realize that you’re being “irrational” and just want to die more? I’ve recently been broken up with by someone I loved very deeply because he could not handle my emotions that come with my depression and anxiety, which is understandable. All I have been able to think about is all the different ways I could kill myself but then I remember all the cliché things people tell me like “Things get better with time!” or “You’ll find someone who loves you for you!” in addition to him having a 100% valid reason to leave the relationship. I feel so irrational and overly emotional and stupid. 

It’s frustrating because that mentality of feeling like my emotions are invalid because things do “get better” make me want to die more. I realize that the things in life that make me suicidal CAN be fixed, but I don’t want to because the emotional rollercoaster I will experience will only amplify how much I want to kill myself. ",8.52642764857881,8.118983645348841,8.259844961240313,69.88257105943154,61.38372093023256,12.29560723514212,36.552971576227385,11.645159339076185,4.380087080103358,745,30,129,20,9,239,104,172,0.213,0.63,0.157,-0.9484,1,0,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,4,0,2,5,11,4,0,6,0,18,3,0,4,4,36,33,10,5,6,5,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,2,22,6,18,24,6,10,0,1,0,2,11,4,0,1,6,94,34,0,0.1079748687173392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260047902855244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328191113436705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909899937917028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301078865172306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241829335152772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299859620911924,0.0,0.22412173339061645,0.11281075653029066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858287771479779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766945043272893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562014035845438,0.0,0.0,0.10919067581057844,0.07713726778606601,0.0,0.0,0.09868707387796978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282482481289907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891638885601785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432979563137967,0.0,0.0,0.07626584297128762,0.10550213366801184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490306927546025,0.0,0.14414812661484064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881327170692373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793739522548698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821197531934653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485617866474525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101614823041507,0.10661215667315167,0.1159246005358436,0.1223144778140331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297351174501747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810698134642635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437479444393987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869348198558789,0.0691859360399598,0.0,0.0,0.06296101425997347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240564627301662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909057473484185,0.25474550040748345,0.0857054249713771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlternativeScheme,2018/02/09,"My life has gone so far in the toilet I'm 23M and in the past six months:

My dad died. He wasn't the nicest guy, but we had our moments.

My mom disowned me for being too close with my dad.

My aunt abandoned me 1500 miles away from home.

I've been homeless for four months.

I dropped out of uni due to the above when I was getting A grades and on track to become...something I guess.

I'm closeted gay and attracted to a guy who is helping me out, who is probably not interested in me like that.

Life is too overwhelming and I want to just die.",1.382844827586208,2.8869957327586206,2.8702068965517253,95.1454827586207,78.74137931034483,6.364137931034484,22.806896551724137,7.1686216300943375,0.5049510344827589,419,13,101,5,10,137,79,116,0.133,0.775,0.091,-0.7312,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,0,9,3,0,0,0,15,15,7,2,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,5,0,15,3,16,9,0,18,0,2,0,1,12,10,0,1,7,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039405612063929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45056027397857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340797523345478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23912256434011786,0.4298587419721931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549469920329214,0.0,0.2177347991438889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066401333284408,0.1060474357654895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25422496208317985,0.3465198656312348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721396589713936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234033756700322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710793698149914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280310935512437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TidePodThrowaway,2018/02/09,"Today will be the day that I finally go through with it There's a kind of catharsis in planning out your own suicide attempt. I've done it once before, but the difference is this time that I won't make the same mistakes I did last time. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years and there's something just assuring in knowing it'll all be gone soon. I can't deal with my home situation anymore. I'm a disgusting degenerate with no skills, I'm failing in school, and I'm a constant source of misery to those who have tried to help me before. I'm not comfortable with myself and have never been and I can't justify sponging resources and leeching the life out of my parents and siblings anymore. I can't do it and they've told me they can't either. 

Edit: I just took a lethal dosage of adderall. I hope this kills me. If there is a god I hope he lets me die today.",3.79467125053717,4.9456848659217885,4.67832402234637,86.04582294800173,71.84916201117319,7.518865492049849,29.970348087666522,7.882392219407189,1.88905896003438,697,29,143,9,13,226,106,179,0.239,0.674,0.087,-0.9874,1,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,4,6,10,2,1,9,0,19,1,0,1,3,30,32,9,5,4,6,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,14,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,8,0,18,5,18,18,4,19,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,3,11,95,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949866926448793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531047983189452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607168299433446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591409218071012,0.1533269796731868,0.0,0.0,0.15435109139306846,0.15538397930360748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219536088443325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291888012845676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452276173803944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968595506936544,0.0,0.1491813895856619,0.29543117969271754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454006853206438,0.15487221644471807,0.08173432310721165,0.1212291715500266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207944007986213,0.10504751967194527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099273820207739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470441870664745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583852414871765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513939587673968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051571124028876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717098909289824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114494303839869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554776692651564,0.0,0.3253578525593349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806952423481595,0.17344326441209526,0.0,0.2819442070636546,0.14211128986119276,0.16523682984770918,0.10097321849656823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577279656297152
suicidewatch,KnivesRKool,2018/02/09,"I've given up... I feel like there's not much for me to live for. I hate my life and myself. Everyday I wonder why I'm alive and what is keeping me here. I don't even feel anything anymore. Most of my emotions are fake in order to seem normal. Im not normal and I don't know what that feels like. Lately the depression has gotten to the point where I have dreams about killing myself or someone else killing me. Im tired of it. My whole life has sucked and I'm done. If there's a hell, I guess I'll be there. FML",-0.4270398351648375,1.6069299910714283,1.4664285714285723,99.89395604395607,88.375,4.160439560439561,16.6510989010989,5.369823440869387,-0.8495969780219776,397,9,96,2,13,130,72,112,0.244,0.672,0.084,-0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,5,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,19,23,6,2,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,3,15,2,10,19,3,7,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,6,4,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796366049044375,0.0,0.0,0.13107444955921466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718823880386502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629994634633327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330585915279021,0.1791693558128971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052034041947244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161133262549456,0.2275803365873781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546565528108968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725672132885407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34410099067969024,0.0,0.0,0.14157601012545049,0.35244100389251315,0.0,0.08753651054535418,0.0,0.17967557430748413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250093464765035,0.15563301488356487,0.0,0.14064778168126624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708964608736633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121225470463466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057175137830905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500317270679106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495802542875282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306974057188866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372606276421246,0.17783122016568215,0.0,0.0,0.17273313135105514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deepsouthmountainman,2018/02/09,"I tried and failed last night Last night I attempted to finally end it all. I went into the bathroom, used a piece of rope to make a noose, and put one end around my neck and the other over a door frame. Much to my surprise it actually worked. I was able to move into a sitting position and everything tightened and started to choke me. I sat there for what I estimate one minute and could feel myself starting to fade. Then I lost my nerve. 

I managed to push myself up to a standing position and take the noose off. I looked at myself in the mirror and broke down, bawling like a two year old. Then I went to bed and the last thing I remember is sitting up, thinking. Then it was morning, so I must have fallen asleep at some point. I have a thin bruise in the shape of the rope around my neck this morning.

I did it because I'm a failure at life. I literally have no friends. None. I do not interact with anybody in person in real life at all throughout the day. It's been this way for four years now. I never have a friend to talk to, do things with, I am alone. If it weren't for my parents (I'm in my 30's and live alone) I wouldn't have a single person who gives a damn if I fell off the planet today. 

I also lost my job at the end of November. This was the fourth time in the last three years I've been fired from my employment. My parents will say it's because I took bad jobs with horrible employers who screwed me at the end. Well, that's true to an extent. But at the end of the day it's me. Why do I keep fucking things up? Why can't I get my act together and be an adult? At some point I have to own up to things. 

I'm not uneducated. I have a master's degree in my field and previously worked at a university. Now I can't even get a job as a night janitor. Seriously, last week I interviewed to be the night time cleanup guy at a company and they rejected me. I'm too good for menial labor jobs, but not good enough for the white collar jobs. I'm in this limbo. 

So, no friends, no social life, no job, two college degrees which seemingly aren't worth the paper they're printed on, and it's me. I ruin everything. I literally feel like I could walk out of my house today and disappear and nobody would notice or care I was gone. 

Hanging didn't work because the pain of it scared me. I don't know what the next attempt will be. I'm so sorry guys. ",2.0193126385809284,3.4861633737373765,3.7791426459719126,89.47164079822619,76.87878787878788,7.011086474501108,23.790342448879038,7.765008861874849,1.0037149544222714,1830,58,411,27,41,615,227,495,0.129,0.815,0.055,-0.9803,10,3,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,1,9,13,24,3,1,38,0,35,9,3,2,5,53,65,29,0,7,8,2,4,2,3,5,4,1,2,5,25,24,0,1,6,0,1,13,16,13,1,6,16,7,55,11,63,39,11,89,0,6,2,2,19,36,3,6,38,274,80,18,0.06893021262805958,0.0,0.06726594422227439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427818240364489,0.0,0.05512346613485936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272500658539985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755384832752479,0.12605765349288744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027894573215944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007033176211148,0.0,0.0,0.08890856938177145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052585440870607,0.07122333585208143,0.0,0.04552775534451515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390006092866372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970637325179764,0.049243757674393485,0.0,0.0755096786518642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976593386296015,0.06372487084799253,0.07202638221710407,0.0661241409418659,0.0,0.11563078396125845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136503495388741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953621062527888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104155995623423,0.06126834013577801,0.0,0.0,0.037882242179586315,0.2809366164239708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606234306330373,0.06735164018108407,0.0,0.06086664061061418,0.0,0.057884018089905676,0.0,0.15049093941210887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046011452181102835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326190730780674,0.05067163749354037,0.0,0.053163229391576056,0.0,0.07330806312615397,0.25874534036308744,0.0,0.0,0.07847750394341901,0.07233066284331867,0.0,0.09341779200939493,0.0,0.07334660617759893,0.0,0.15307768756553775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037440580915412,0.0,0.0,0.1303226622944314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929390234367806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784576727147721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808449376570027,0.0,0.0,0.0548160717379847,0.06901116781350539,0.0,0.0,0.06275147673885169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026567118794229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716172963748516,0.09757831855999584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182694142549443,0.055403493880386484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317668155574773,0.04416769697206335,0.0,0.0,0.08038752261101541,0.0,0.13067556354638002,0.0,0.07658400250121747,0.04679908967646156,0.0,0.13466960357196614,0.0,0.0,0.05953357208187431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471359434685325,0.05529165876389868,0.0,0.06197653933836999,0.12779799537692074,0.12439759097619825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054604724429266,0.0,0.0,0.0489660453465568,0.0,0.0,0.1331663909000289
suicidewatch,Ant_ny,2018/02/09,"I am in a bad place Hi 
I am wrecked now, drinking to try and stop the thoughts of being alone and useless, but that seems to make things worse. Recently separated from an 11 year relationship with 3 kids, dog and 2 cats. We currently live in the same house that has dual accommodation(upstairs/downstairs) with zero contact between each other. 
I really can't go on living, I hate my condescending parents in law and have no friends or family to speak of except a disabled handful of friends I haven't spoken to in years.

The reason I want to kill myself is because if I’m not good enough for my wife (which she is a great person, she's just had enough of my shit since graduating and finding a job, I guess her awareness opened when meeting other workmates) whereas I’m still studying/dealing with depression and anxiety and looking after the kids (2,6,8 years old) of which I love dearly and I’m positive my wife can lovingly take care of the children in without me.

If my future is going to be without her, then what am I good for? I’m just an alcoholic piece of shit. I don’t need a pat on the back or reassurance that I am human and have value etc. I just want to know what others have done in this kind of circumstance. I am happy to provide more info regarding my circumstances. 

P.s I know it sounds like a weird situation maybe I’m just soft but it’s certainly amounting to suicide in the next week or so being the only option. My first attempt will be my last attempt (the only helpful thing learning physics has taught me)
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suicidewatch,BatFish123,2018/02/09,"I dont know how to feel. This seems like the right place, every morning I wake up all I can think about is suicide, I'm 17 and in the process of completing year 12 and everything just feels so I hard. The walk to school is the hardest because I get like half an hour to my thoughts and it's just a consistent loop of ""do it you worthless cunt"" and ""what is the point of putting up with all of this just to die anyway"". I've written my suicide note mentally and it wouldn't be difficult to get a lethal dose of sleeping pills, the only thing stopping me is my mum, I couldn't ruin her life like that, but she's only got so much life left. I'm terrified for the day she dies, I know I'm probably just being an immature teenager but I would just love to hear anyone's opinion.",3.489888455103181,4.0625679386503055,4.450440602342444,89.54791968767431,72.06748466257669,7.890462911321808,28.31511433351924,8.00094639256281,1.5544404907975462,606,22,137,8,11,197,100,163,0.123,0.787,0.08900000000000001,-0.68,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,0,0,10,8,1,0,11,0,12,7,2,1,2,28,28,10,5,3,7,1,3,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,7,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,3,4,16,4,17,20,3,13,0,2,0,1,7,7,1,2,7,84,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761461763049368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381963765668036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136745874069502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925660441286416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194601516997273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037662532272875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296723994574195,0.0,0.13832074253179388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563894376030013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081901163688286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309264653164935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786949957996686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346318941890726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156635720645212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916536853251518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672192632867881,0.0,0.21741664582481046,0.22557201693255605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890612734322144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510099694728174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313858073796808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410481809014025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607989588930982,0.0,0.1454908680607086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593664318904858,0.0,0.0,0.1547179872755941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143483902736905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576103645281486,0.0,0.14011019514319736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401709746060105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867226433570886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366962552620157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224827339628592,0.09861671730109224,0.0,0.12218413158840412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933036998393146,0.0,0.0,0.09911038478114696
suicidewatch,Acne908,2018/02/09,"Please someone convince me to go to a job interview I have today. I want nothing more than to just lay in bed and procrastinate as my mental health deteriorates even further. I fucking hate entry level jobs. I haven’t been going to class, this semester is pretty much already a failure. Haven’t had a job in 4 months. I need to do this but I’m scared I won’t. ",1.4563356164383592,3.831791123287674,3.648202054794524,85.15942636986303,82.97260273972603,5.8417808219178085,24.19349315068493,7.1686216300943375,1.156864383561644,284,11,56,4,8,97,54,73,0.127,0.777,0.096,-0.6245,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,5,15,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,9,12,2,8,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,36,10,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269733398821469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135849906872383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014813501446545,0.0,0.0,0.23378572348445995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306672689069133,0.0,0.2186285545985004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6123179207673629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727737890655884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417206347529198,0.0,0.15119869588294807,0.15250934587108167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973558074841042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225775218957293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092508216560587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592187446264146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742722616869099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496088708896286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213155775586864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_mean_person,2018/02/09,Just tired of hurting I really wonder of nothing at all is better than this.,5.224,6.1381047333333365,6.780000000000001,73.17000000000002,68.33333333333334,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.4723333333333337,61,2,10,1,1,21,14,15,0.287,0.564,0.149,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686241716716129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461911353068724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999291514590917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670116246509124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790482622660919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519999108045379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,topegi,2018/02/09,"I'm useless I'm 21 and I quit school early 2016 because of pressure and depression and have been to a mental institution in 2015 for 2-3 months. I have been unemployed the whole time and now my mum wants me to do some drastic changes or else I have to go and live somewhere else.

I feel completely useless and can't get myself to do anything at all and I'm pulling down the people around me as well (family and boyfriend). I don't think I can kill myself but I think about it every day and it's getting worse

I've tried half-heartedly to get a job but I'm not doing enough and I'm scared to work and convinced I can't do it bc of my social anxiety getting in the way

I have gone to therapy a few times in the past but I just stopped going at one point 

I don't know what to do anymore and I seem to grow numb more and more bc I'm not able to cry anymore",1.0209625668449185,2.670618262032089,2.8978609625668454,93.87855614973265,80.28342245989305,6.1112299465240625,23.299465240641712,7.048011613610866,0.6243604278074875,673,23,158,8,17,225,105,187,0.13,0.81,0.06,-0.8873,3,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,1,2,7,0,16,1,0,0,1,30,35,18,1,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,14,0,1,5,0,0,5,6,7,1,1,3,1,18,2,22,32,7,22,0,3,0,0,2,8,0,3,8,97,22,4,0.145086982103952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099114418898992,0.0,0.2877746004240944,0.0,0.0,0.1193942240595046,0.12915817429899418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844367764188822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348278921868894,0.0,0.1521209403406442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937123708136505,0.09356910071049183,0.0,0.1249632050880964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424031127858757,0.0,0.0,0.14991363670838564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224203997280683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677509431686954,0.0,0.07336033752780012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032078396198488,0.0,0.16491255092098114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192877235976567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439764424495739,0.0,0.16051724927324415,0.0,0.0797360110119529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811446331452367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621355313840434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580704490482407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831469395424766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850194135244215,0.10058504523616116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715409434523182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431786457718522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525737971472644,0.14683577171349524,0.0,0.1320817394214765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789790702048705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129921360391165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591960849173915,0.0,0.0,0.1859317595532832,0.0,0.0,0.16920277204683493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985045370889517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557606111899715,0.11516329315098255,0.0,0.0,0.1304506211575296,0.0,0.0,0.16198443416422434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562505094929406,0.0,0.14785602989157842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw739,2018/02/09,"My life is an embarrassment and I have struggled too long 32 years old

1) Horrific episodes of mental illness

2) Failure in school

3) lack of concentration/lack of intelligence/stupid

4) Failure in jobs/had to resign from low paid work

5) lack of marketable skills

6) small penis

7) no libido due to antidepressants that dont really work

8) impotent due to the above

9) Loose skin

10) overweight

11) Unnattractive

12) No real life sucess

13) Broke

14) failure in dating/never had a girlfriend

15) houses too expensive to ever buy

16) Only can apply to entry level work

I want to die",3.4016096747289377,6.02737379816514,4.837848206839034,78.02681401167641,77.07339449541284,7.266388657214343,25.505421184320262,8.296473431620573,2.0323504587155963,460,17,79,9,11,153,87,109,0.388,0.602,0.01,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,3,0,5,5,1,0,1,6,7,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,3,0,14,5,2,12,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,34,4,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544856388087465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658824092078545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205211083204866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617700953346521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204808909711169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076711651274126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228625115172764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380551494629082,0.0,0.0,0.17253996444829206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582204043267974,0.1453346092512223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295980399826695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716705605147806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381000878107607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954781329105513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609269818625625
suicidewatch,socksrefuge98,2018/02/09,"I’m a narcissist I need to do it. I need to end my life because there is no life for me to live. I am a narcissist. I am alienated by everyone around me. I suffer extensively in relationships. Notice how I say “I” a lot? I’m going to kill myself cause there’s no hope for me. I’m finally going to get rid of the thorn in my family’s ass. I just came to realization today that I am a narcissistic person and I have been suicidal for years- this just makes me feel even more suicidal. So, I’m just going to do it. I have had a plan for many months and I’m going to do that. In the next couple hours, I will be dead. I truly don’t deserve to live. All I do is think about myself, expect people to care for me, and then when they express to me how they feel it just never hits the mark, and I am left dead inside. I will always be dead inside. I’m a narcissist. So goodbye world. I’m going to cuddle my dogs for a bit and then walk out the door and do it. No body will care. No one will check on me. So goodbye. ",-0.7142307692307703,1.2819959545454545,2.460000000000001,92.49653846153849,89.45454545454545,5.748251748251747,16.18881118881119,7.1686216300943375,-0.019776223776223567,770,17,182,13,26,275,104,220,0.188,0.758,0.054000000000000006,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,4,27.0,0,0,2,1,15,5,1,0,11,0,22,5,2,4,2,27,46,14,6,4,4,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,7,9,0,0,3,0,1,7,6,2,0,1,3,3,30,3,27,36,4,26,0,1,0,2,6,8,1,2,11,127,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413600617576145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210992994280308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361724946447263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497535592187468,0.15236438351470827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568853570458765,0.2797068789346145,0.14091085386927232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177543444157954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149145628922715,0.0,0.0,0.09059915611743312,0.0,0.0,0.13107132834956167,0.0,0.0,0.12931118975319314,0.0,0.13871403377633254,0.0,0.0,0.1502624742377425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166539836723433,0.0,0.3897829182888732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624025647795052,0.13508431941861015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175772009592384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903505494961886,0.0,0.1937737382677643,0.0,0.0,0.24224634987145574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661659729278198,0.0,0.0,0.09156170137976608,0.1390683357879577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948738023715814,0.0,0.0,0.20341888123517948,0.10579356884403417,0.0,0.1458813114236523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616837636017675,0.0,0.0,0.0929495980897804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950960548470448,0.11977110997369494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726870069137346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908268601325613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000823225625948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789267213020033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300206400786056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833265588907273
suicidewatch,Pqosz,2018/02/09,"Maybe I just need to clear my mind. Don't you guys hate cheaters? Thats me. I cheated in a college final, got caught, and ultimately got expelled. I applied for other schools but got rejected due to the note on my transcript that says I am a cheater. I can't go back to school, I can't be what I wanted to be in life. 

My father has scoliosis and was on the verge of becoming paralyzed. He got surgery and is recovering but he has been out of work for almost half a year now. My mom is working by herself, and the little money I do make goes to her but its not enough. They're on the verge of losing their house, their cars, and everything they have worked for. My mom was crying last night and all I could do was watch. She thinks I'm still in school. I cant tell her that I was expelled and I am dying on the inside everyday.

My suicidal thoughts grow with every second that goes on throughout our lives. I see no future where I can be happy. My mind is plagued with dark thoughts. I feel like I'm barely alive. Maybe this is it. Maybe tonights the night. I've tried picking up new hobbies. I've tried reconnecting with old friends. I've tried making new friends. While I experience temporary happiness, I am filled with depression when I am alone. Depression is something I can't avoid no matter how hard I try. 

I am sorry mom, dad, brother. I don't think I can do it anymore. Ive tried my hardest but in the end, depression won in the end. It has taken over my life. I'm sorry I couldn't be the son you expected of me. I'm sorry I couldn't be as happy as you wanted me to be. You will never see this post and I never had the courage to say this to you but I love you. I'm sorry for failing in the one thing you wanted me to succeed in. ",1.167121212121213,3.1807285702479327,2.873078512396696,92.42355716253445,81.47933884297521,5.906611570247934,22.480027548209367,7.054809383877858,0.6134953168044075,1353,45,301,17,36,447,177,363,0.177,0.696,0.127,-0.932,0,3,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,7,3,7,7,19,2,1,14,0,42,3,0,4,4,46,70,18,2,8,7,7,2,1,2,1,2,2,0,1,14,13,0,1,5,0,1,5,13,9,0,3,15,7,56,10,39,45,2,46,0,6,3,1,31,19,0,1,22,195,70,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940815934388289,0.08213157135629225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864494927567227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060977315144498986,0.0,0.0,0.08758135228478836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331512689614369,0.0,0.08710805496936892,0.0,0.0,0.2049046353151867,0.0,0.08230156855154158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047370001046727,0.08193878359860574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668142290448728,0.0,0.07127032284314967,0.07757126531753589,0.0,0.0,0.040096798085846534,0.056652409710832026,0.0,0.0868700004659294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253499151283835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506839444130591,0.0,0.2536959387970857,0.0,0.0,0.07852012430546987,0.0,0.25325109203725543,0.0710378180845086,0.07829298734764664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150231834426772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464062471293396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202480738452708,0.038742298460089086,0.0794800976643712,0.07002393855470436,0.0,0.0,0.08871715791532737,0.0,0.0,0.07157194473827744,0.0,0.10586761707300188,0.0,0.2390045250734398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014212772217762,0.2786279352990236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880043702634681,0.12232312054482584,0.1531781495493012,0.0,0.14883660107685776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832127063322491,0.0,0.05373618177344662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594811471914586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261261407129982,0.0,0.2407695147781047,0.12638472312679402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104952489283905,0.0,0.3550824005205732,0.0,0.0,0.06332961215301873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674205463828992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931227504767068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268383701333085,0.10162532605209136,0.0,0.12591173738983988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691997247626294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032075748166425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319548205934074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051067027194692166
suicidewatch,Namiix_13,2018/02/09,"How to help a schizophrenic person? I can post this anywhere because it’s against the rules for most subs. I really need help with this. 
I was talking to a person considering suicide and he said “I don’t want to do it but the man does. “ i say “who?” And he says “the man in my room, he always follows me around.” And he showed me a drawing of “the man” it looked like a demon or mythical creature. And later he said “he’s suffocating me””I can’t breathe I’m going to pass out””everything is blurry”
“It feels like he’s stabbing me when I try to breathe” and I tried to help him as best I could and then he stopped saying anything. I texted “are you there?” He still hasn’t said anything. What on earth do I do? I can’t call the police and I don’t have an exact location but if there’s a way I could text a police station they could probably track him. But I don’t want to do that. Him getting taken to some place by the police would fuck him up more. What do I do?",0.21575979337064047,2.3703955049504977,2.2055144210073188,94.89292940163584,86.52475247524751,5.097201894102454,20.16874730951356,6.498293943080001,0.10077890658631096,740,23,169,8,23,246,111,202,0.059,0.821,0.12,0.8924,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,13,0,21,4,2,1,1,27,35,16,1,8,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,1,5,10,9,0,1,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,5,8,25,3,18,26,4,16,1,0,1,1,32,6,1,4,7,109,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803104363120645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334618771424881,0.1262770877639429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647079524286498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488634292711052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484529915177288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397684301884735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241343960092604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172391395797728,0.10133808068445438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113857285830774,0.07411107191279287,0.0,0.08061695196239163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28523835541694315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860205372690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911875885510445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518040560096063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477169051332263,0.14820366180257685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358536418225725,0.0,0.15293891401494747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087311203669296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047971470763935,0.33841581732971304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328205417625405,0.11859343417552233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516150816069635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401412073739416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261446118513287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733429129154698,0.11259438556901742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007665801407415,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eloquently_interrupt,2018/02/09,"Failed attempt # ETC ETC “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck the marrow of life, to live sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life. To cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner and reduce it to its lowest terms” 
- Henry David Thoreau 

Amidst an impulsive frenzy and adrenaline rush, my inner monologue repeated the above as I wandered off the path. Ironic that my brain selected Thoreau’s passage as a sort of soundtrack to my search for the best tree limb to hang myself from, though I suppose the act was nothing short of deliberate. I went to the woods to die, I didn’t. 13 days have passed since, I wish they hadn’t. It’s been a consecutive 114 days of enduring what was not life, but when I went to the woods to die, I did not discover that I had not lived. I remember the first time I heard “live deep and suck the marrow of life.” I was sitting in 11th grade English class, and what a beautifully inspiring goal it was, to live in a way that fulfills you, to trim the fat and the excess garbage. In my 23 years, I did just that. I sucked the marrow, but I hadn’t considered what would remain of life once it’s been sucked dry. I’ve since been reduced to my lowest terms. I went to the woods because I wished to put to rout all that was not life, an idea that was once tragically demonstrated for me in a similarly poetic form by the very person who taught me how to live deep. The marrow ran dry 114 days ago when he killed himself in my bedroom on his 26th birthday. My resignation, quite necessary- if you ask me. ",6.9142105263157925,5.6203043157894745,7.053157894736844,80.1171052631579,65.05263157894737,10.526315789473683,31.578947368421048,9.549672527348893,2.482236842105264,1480,44,315,24,19,478,176,380,0.116,0.818,0.067,-0.9504,2,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,2,1,7,7,13,6,0,26,0,26,11,2,1,3,45,45,25,4,10,16,0,0,0,0,1,10,1,1,1,21,12,1,0,4,0,0,13,14,10,0,1,29,2,40,3,49,14,8,44,0,4,1,0,10,16,4,3,13,201,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019453816493134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348290790562379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278968839665392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126311772892513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580551152161101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054217385155529416,0.0,0.0,0.13138118344777874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114270029837805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146619567987687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057760776648092135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665756563641432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512788592661349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316759030597273,0.0,0.0,0.5996220860387734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515760204136102,0.0,0.0,0.14463526679021538,0.0,0.0516455441150865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059292866825622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365284952685153,0.0,0.1444526987458891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692421755063301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411225995629874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234502709249944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671726295767551,0.0,0.039596512569070916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056029530396504185,0.040052695812477807,0.05390059192985636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517980286433604,0.0,0.0,0.3904425256030265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823844713823658,0.0,0.0,0.04372921318951276
suicidewatch,jillybeanerginger,2018/02/09,"Your parent's don't love you fyi. Especially if they're sexually active. They're not proud of you. They only say that because you're they're kid. They don't care about you. Especially if they're into threesomes, orgies, sex parties, gang bangs, and more. I was molested as a child and my parents used to have sex in front of me and forced me to watch. I hate sex. I'm a 19 year old girl. I have never had sex before, so it's silly to say I hate it. Every time it's around me I cry. I hate it. I attempted suicide when I was 14 because my parents would have orgies in the living room not even caring about me. My sister saved me. I hate sex. Especially orgies. I want to slit my wrists until I bleed out. Maybe my parents will care about me then. Or they'll have hardcore orgies on my dead body. I hate myself.",0.29724852071006325,2.5471298934911246,2.438044378698226,92.6333979289941,87.34319526627218,4.800118343195266,17.325739644970408,6.2581,-0.2748227218934911,628,15,137,6,20,211,93,169,0.281,0.659,0.06,-0.9917,4,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,4,3,2,7,13,6,0,3,0,12,9,2,1,1,16,24,11,2,4,5,5,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,3,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,3,32,7,17,18,1,15,0,0,1,6,18,7,0,3,7,82,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056500449423448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469201919966307,0.0,0.10098763610140916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182633036872307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630054207381031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036401645926973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838678574321355,0.0,0.09999271890506682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858578919494355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479630019862568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711301251260552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192296542934338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153305802581876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453432259200738,0.0,0.0,0.09026121737377092,0.0,0.0,0.5271188006729604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887576331446652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981626834112314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920305496783663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250110781866703,0.0,0.0,0.07000032907155535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430661420112019,0.0,0.0,0.07642579984222847
suicidewatch,identiflier,2018/02/09,"I took acid the other day I saw that death is just as legitimate as life... They are the same.

Nothing is forfeited by choosing death...

I am so alone...

I am so alone...

I am so alone...",-1.6543859649122794,0.26173163157894663,1.1642105263157916,97.99614035087721,101.10526315789473,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,-0.272119298245614,134,4,33,2,6,46,24,38,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.5994,0,3,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,3,8,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8710508274726759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079771579710832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801419348323013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689961828645921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31147082480575783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sinll,2018/02/09,"I'm about to kill myself or my dad As the title says I'm so fucking close to either killing myself or my dad. He's always treating me like shit and more like I'm just something he can whatever the fuck he wants with just because he gave birth to me. He micromanages my life and doesn't give two flying fucks what I think/want/feel. As long as he gets his way then he's happy. If i try to reason with him at all it's like I'm the fucking worst ever and i just killed his best friend or some shit. He knows quite well that I have severe depression and that I've attempted suicide well over 20 times but he doesn't give a shit. Funny thing is is that he is the reason I want to die. I've even cut myself down to the fat on my arm and he just blames it on me wanting attention or some shit. He never owns up to the fact that he's a piece of shit. Now despite being as bad as some of the worst scum ever to live he does still provide physically for me when he can afford it. But the problem is is that he regularly can't afford it and then stresses out and takes it out on me. Because of this I've attempted suicide about 26ish times to no avail (obviously). For the most part I've been able to handle by cutting or drugs (I'm a bit of a chemist and make my own) but that doesn't really work anymore. I've tried therapy and pills but they don't do shit anymore either.
So now for my big issue and the whole reason I'm going to fucking lose my mind. I'm 17 and I'll be 18 in about 2 weeks so I'll be legally allowed to move out and he can't do shit about it; However I have no money, no job, no education to get said job (still in high school), my grades are so shit i can't go to university or college, I have no personality, I'am a fucking asshole to everyone without trying, and I have no ""legal"" skills. So my dad is making me either go to university or get s job. But my grades are shit so uni is out of the question and even if they were decent and I got accepted I have no money to pay for it. And as for getting a job, I have no personality because I spend all of my time in my room so no ones going to want to hire me. My dad has said that if I don't do either then he's going to kick me out. But I have nowhere to go so I'd be homeless with no money. I'd be fucked and honestly better off dead at that point so instead of having to go through that I'd rather just kill myself. My only other option (not really an option, just me losing my FUCKING MIND at my dad) is killing my dad and then killing myself.
FYI there are people who give a shit about me (grandparents) but they can't afford to look after me until I can afford to live on my own.

TL;DR My dads gunna kick me out and I have nowhere to go, I'm gunna lose my mind and commit a murder-suicide, wtf do I fucking do.

EDIT: Thanks for the amount of responses and attempts to help but this was more or less just a rant. And btw I live in NL Canada so I’m in the middle of butt fuck nowhere so there’s not a lot of services here and those that are here don’t apply to me.",1.16561004784689,2.6243083409090886,3.3539712918660314,91.63964114832537,79.22727272727273,6.0255183413078175,20.97288676236045,6.757970130089065,0.243575757575758,2355,62,547,23,57,807,254,660,0.246,0.6890000000000001,0.064,-0.9993,11,0,2,2,0,9,55.0,0,0,3,11,40,50,28,1,24,0,48,26,13,6,8,100,96,65,10,9,34,7,0,3,1,0,4,3,1,2,24,33,1,0,7,0,5,9,24,37,2,2,7,4,63,13,84,84,25,58,0,4,1,11,44,28,21,19,23,362,87,15,0.048882443540528335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040674108916626574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695649777559004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04081479853531041,0.08939485161560598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051299108688678964,0.043232548921958235,0.05336696790437839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210237699331088,0.0,0.05073225885253075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042777355755290326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668811535830785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645727858744282,0.0884339375102313,0.0,0.04670926961407172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024716432207180856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037766454621268174,0.4519103137201717,0.10215623680588716,0.14067748218177908,0.22224815328348568,0.0,0.0390957555955611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203627011423659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03276487150752928,0.051646985432952375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510205709987708,0.19403313011679826,0.0,0.32448708744627786,0.0,0.026864512583534988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034527115498276084,0.07164447829891675,0.0,0.12949227964250368,0.04325942429257662,0.0410489412160455,0.16406085203112197,0.0,0.04155810544543394,0.0,0.0,0.06525882128339501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807199947304733,0.0,0.0,0.051954301475452984,0.0,0.0,0.037701153965510825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03312400883064428,0.0371773010398397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052934922795043686,0.0,0.033888931477362425,0.0853645284316928,0.0,0.0,0.04620970934786898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046773896750084684,0.0,0.0,0.05475952403814368,0.05199249576426113,0.0,0.0,0.06263069007713185,0.1507778799574146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299679554795694,0.03887328110104828,0.0,0.049471642572123824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522324736642608,0.5017712583476333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037632093217614834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807516511098482,0.0,0.0559946739191383,0.0,0.0,0.16040837787511386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036753514047317935,0.0,0.0,0.045004386448706184,0.055901334335791406,0.0,0.03247532342024577,0.031321896034209706,0.0,0.0,0.08551123779203967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956391130845782,0.0,0.04775104444224665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416065850322196,0.03880060839201147,0.03921054766467098,0.0,0.08790237457680357,0.0,0.0,0.05457550252030119,0.0,0.047120931199003686,0.0,0.03558700108459735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DerpyMario,2018/02/09,I really give up I can't do anything anymore So after months of trying to get a job (after I lost my job) I have failed the only option I really have is to just die. I am not going to die but that is pretty much the only option to me I mean look at me I am just a complete loser with no talent and worthless human being. Why am I so weird? Why do I hate almost every food? Why am I me? Why did my friend betray me and become rich? Now I just feel like giving up I just want to give up.,-0.94347094801223,0.8470644311926634,2.567178899082567,92.8356001529052,88.1743119266055,4.367278287461774,12.753058103975535,5.46131890053228,-1.0752574923547398,369,4,85,2,12,135,64,109,0.255,0.56,0.184,-0.8632,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,1,0,4,0,13,1,0,0,0,15,24,5,2,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,2,19,4,13,21,1,9,0,4,1,0,5,4,0,3,5,63,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169222091614622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033038441868995,0.0,0.0,0.11644278080796648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627608571469828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836048771973465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937101710782498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922019828177008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154685890408484,0.10108792117214092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110285743372727,0.0,0.10932286575367317,0.0,0.07392812400731141,0.40722026076714535,0.08041794387726807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970235994775473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808346460932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912995286080878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882470660523638,0.0,0.15446441273838132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413542874904576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129442772637817,0.0,0.10401908259072347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152348761047569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395678727856714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812975719332237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606949005441362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346060796309743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107284441514155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thefreakydino,2018/02/09,"I dont know how to keep going First of all im on mobile so sry for any issues with the Text.

Its my First time writing about this and it feels Kinda weird. 

I am a 16 year old boy. I have been sad/depressed for all I can remember. In my childhood my parents argued alot. I got bullied since kindergarden because I am and was always really skinny. Around 1.5 years ago my sadness (dont wanna call it Depression because it seems odd for me to call it that) got really bad. I had thoughts of killing myself or other Person randomly throughout the Day.

I talked to my best friend about it and she helped me alot. Besides the usual bullying nothing special Happened till around 3 months ago when i met her.

We instantly clicked and became really good friends really fast. I Fell in love with her but around the time i met her she met her now boyfriend. It got my feelings really messed up and i always felt weird. She seems like a drug to me now. If im Not with her im sad and if im with her i am the happiest Person alive. 

One night We had a really deep Talk and i told her about my current sadness and she also said that she feels Kinda depressed which Made me feel even worse. 

Despite having a boyfriend she occationally Cuddles with others when We are hanging out. Everytime We Cuddle it feels like heaven. She just is the perfect girl for me. 

So now to my current problems:

I have random bursts of sadness or happiness throughout the Day. The sadness is worst at night. I have one mental break down every two days cuz I just cant handle my feelings. I dont even know if my feelings are genuine cuz I have caught myself manipulanting myself and others. I tried self harming yesterday but I coudnt do it although i wanted it so bad. Every Day i think about killing myself cuz I just want my peace. 

One of my friends is also really good friends with the girl and she likes him more than me. When me and my friend are laying down she always Cuddles with him and just Kinda ignores me. 

I have started Smoking to get my sadness under Control but I doenst Help anymore. I have Talked with my friend about this and i didnt Help like last time. I manipulated her Into giving me pity. 

I dont know but I just want to die. Feel nothing and hear nothing. I dont know who i am. Everytime i think about my personality its always 2 equal sides e.g. I love the be around friends but I also love beeing alone.

I also feel worthless. I am skinny,ugly and just cringy and clingy. I hate to look at my face or body cuz I cant stand it. 

I have no Passions Besides Video game.

I always pretend everything is alright but I hate to keep this Mask up.
I just cant handle anything right now.

Thanks for reading 



",1.3246421089385478,3.8419870540037273,2.7344852770018626,90.40231450768158,85.35009310986965,5.0694716014897585,21.984665968342647,6.553771083658985,0.5622886638733711,2116,73,420,23,64,685,229,537,0.17800000000000002,0.64,0.181,0.7807,3,1,1,0,0,3,48.0,4,0,0,5,34,48,5,0,16,1,36,11,3,9,3,102,83,45,3,8,20,1,10,4,7,0,1,2,0,7,22,34,1,4,20,4,0,4,11,24,0,6,17,14,97,24,51,65,8,58,1,10,2,7,60,19,0,15,37,293,119,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999697365996184,0.0,0.0,0.05841723439979035,0.0,0.18042411007759376,0.2346620308920712,0.0,0.0,0.03835645782491959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593732544415271,0.0,0.0,0.04641544846227798,0.2008450452232624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418948584101916,0.06876635773193572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059192215138695665,0.0,0.0,0.06265180790735042,0.0,0.0,0.11518899102621513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326155828704026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550291040963625,0.0,0.14574130158650353,0.0,0.05853814729404275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305236476400657,0.0,0.06541039807260178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745082386670705,0.0,0.09504511882339853,0.0,0.050692018751423054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566747004109595,0.04029482259670767,0.05415640809614637,0.0,0.0,0.09595393597393168,0.0,0.0,0.30504157184759495,0.0,0.029468611157897538,0.05410757940590077,0.03205552893513798,0.0946175139038986,0.13533360142374304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987761559428127,0.06004279946284756,0.0,0.11137397515278144,0.0,0.0,0.06357108189094432,0.0,0.11341865616234766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437027483605273,0.058870820414952285,0.0,0.10026842033014396,0.12480469921619768,0.0,0.12399201850395733,0.045976552782890936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022401704755756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047364911823742015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271965468993107,0.05337055538229895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684167465923485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502090420780844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586212425739468,0.0,0.16236264652177732,0.0,0.059186206845651686,0.0,0.11466184347520145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262964642902387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774863524842805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397073419166745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564189749089055,0.0,0.2529356321452122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389440961526645,0.048168461234468864,0.0536528457315943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269564071826692,0.058841372040274925,0.0,0.0,0.04665773281711656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03992283714068219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136005499737208,0.0,0.051928959253919854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228244139134353,0.0,0.044778246387609216,0.09866837287330107,0.0,0.0,0.05389616324031052,0.0,0.038294417511136,0.0,0.05509823012473998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212071930054607,0.0,0.09980511081911153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748020048146764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264428157088347
suicidewatch,usernamesforusername,2018/02/09,"I can't take this anymore I know it's probably OCD, because I've struggled with it all my life. I constantly worry that I'm a pedophile and all of the time I feel disgusting and anxious. In stuff about POCD they always tell you to accept uncertainty, but I can't do that. If there's even a possibility that I'm a real pedophile, I don't want to exist. This has been going on for so long. I've tried medicine, but it didn't work for very long and then it was like I wasn't taking anything at all. I hate the intrusive thoughts but it's the groinal responses that I hate the most. And I don't know if this is real or just in my head, but sometimes it feels real. When it started this just felt like another irrational obsession, even when it got bad there was always something that told me, ""this is just paranoia, this is just as ridiculous as the other obsessions"", but it doesn't feel like that anymore. I often think about what I would even do if I was a real pedophile. How would I deal with that? I don't think I could. The thing that scares me is the idea that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life. I can't imagine that I'll ever be distracted from this, and then I'll have another obsession. What could be worse than this? Either I'm a real pedophile and I'm just gonna be fucked up forever, or this is OCD and it just keeps getting worse and worse. How the fuck am I supposed to live while my brain keeps fucking with me and trying to get me to kill myself? But the worse part is that I worry that I'll never have the gall to kill myself, or if it is pedophilia, go to therapy because that requires telling people that I'm a pedo and I don't want my family to hate me. As far as I can tell I'm just stuck with this. For 60+ years or so, or hopefully shorter than that. This is hell. I am in hell. ",2.8443303571428578,3.7849891770833395,4.201279761904761,89.36812500000002,73.89583333333334,7.464880952380952,25.17261904761905,7.83500028581142,1.1365962797619051,1420,44,320,19,28,470,157,384,0.268,0.696,0.037000000000000005,-0.9986,0,0,1,0,0,2,39.0,0,1,1,2,22,24,12,6,17,0,38,7,2,2,5,74,75,38,2,11,23,0,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,43,15,0,3,12,0,0,2,11,19,0,0,11,4,36,5,34,56,7,22,2,0,0,3,8,7,5,12,16,224,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321745342748504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656632253273002,0.0,0.08972669833731171,0.15753485792003,0.0,0.0,0.06535931974527204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631585954328417,0.09683246659508338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866363437643136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582930553061315,0.0,0.12682746459419594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376565153873635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737673412729647,0.07184370362277309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487403342217518,0.0,0.12047773152018412,0.05674063876206217,0.0762596529879085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202790798898682,0.08299169534830299,0.0,0.090277165671607,0.0,0.06352275963265581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352447566857583,0.08151210632372062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888611601552363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896602138201611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411916928915865,0.17574213999921415,0.0,0.08729888702732252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219927202813584,0.11640790425101386,0.0,0.07013299209176688,0.14057577193859974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061256811762369565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600862998193433,0.0,0.05506271500961743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895388114164201,0.0,0.0,0.08563268234579301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45201043501356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795174440046911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061144601901687225,0.07855252924764611,0.0,0.056216832202685314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303138123898354,0.09092166592478464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943417401290972,0.0,0.20826066077316124,0.0,0.09082845362785072,0.0,0.05276588550833003,0.10178359480260522,0.0,0.06305391459610359,0.04631286884733974,0.0,0.0,0.07589319252467584,0.0,0.10784758788244378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553325342237885,0.0936928596885876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057821737462483126,0.16131818813710516,0.3237600347947777,0.11284129489007175,0.0,0.0,0.05114655771036715
suicidewatch,MisplacedFurry,2018/02/09,"Everything Is So Confusing, Scary, Hard To Describe... I honestly have no idea how to describe my current situation other than everything seems to have gone to pieces around me and I fairly certain I might kill myself soon. The reasons are vast and numerous and I don't want to ramble on but all I have to say is that something happened ad now I honestly don't see anything good in my future if it keeps going this way.

I like so very few things in life and those that I do I could never come out and show to people, I could never do them with anybody. I don't really like a lot of people to be perfectly honest, modern society with all of it's emojis and hastags feels so cold and alien, those my age never talk about things that interest me. I like older people but you can't have older friends when you're my age or people think it's creepy and even then I don't like people in general. Even other furries, I don't really like them, I don't share their interests.

I have nothing I like and an uncertain future, all I know is that unless things go perfectly it's a future I don't want to live and see. ",2.201942857142857,4.251538413333332,3.90234920634921,86.16800000000002,78.2,7.130158730158732,22.714285714285715,8.11559375814309,1.3054952380952385,873,27,175,16,21,292,117,225,0.107,0.696,0.196,0.9824,1,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,3,2,11,20,1,2,4,0,23,1,0,2,9,46,37,21,1,5,5,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,16,15,0,1,6,1,0,4,12,3,0,0,1,6,30,17,22,32,6,28,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,7,22,129,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281848068764758,0.11122688182298034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762841734802753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951565086454176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650490117463113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458369028781167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317557240945079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653162594725083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420174054950004,0.10479731800876124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048779718016387,0.0,0.1119255161122554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410468621620783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105619983047632,0.13823231252970755,0.0,0.0686660981544349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882518264354144,0.3662487278560821,0.0,0.1103280713608697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062231424729994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325461159183729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28909414946741396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988738799153545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331030924044563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008498568301324,0.12846350952742136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993606910741234,0.0,0.0,0.19912879852028711,0.1137445624432356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404425840851442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961881961789742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042546401699808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24902224508681384,0.08005923728488658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309210037172993,0.1473907244139942,0.09917493853696667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spockaliciouss,2018/02/09,"I hate how my dad treats my mom. What I hate even more is how she takes it and tells me to be complacent. My dad, is quite frankly, a giant piece of shit.

My mom was forced to marry him. He wasn’t in the picture until a few months after I was born, and has since then forced my mom to pick up her life and move with little warning. He’s been completely fucking terrible. In preschool I was physically abused and he makes jokes out of it like I haven’t been suicidal since I was fucking 3. He makes extremely disgusting sexual comments about my body, calls me a whore regularly, and thinks I’m overall the biggest slut to have ever walked the earth (for reference, I basicallt wear an abaya everyday.) 

He constantly orders my mom around, and degraded her often making her cry at least once a day, then he tells her to shut up and stop being so sensitive. My mother has openly admitted that if she could only save her husband or her children, she’d pick him. 


I want to love my mom I really do but she is a slave to him. She has no original thoughts of her own. He says jump she says which cliff? I asked him to lower his voice earlier today (he SCREAMS when he talks) because I was working on 3 papers, and she ran up the stairs to call me a worthless whore. 

I will never be enough for my parents and I have no one in this world that loves me. I wish he would just kill me so that she’d understand what kind of person he is. My aunt was killed by her husband and I think she’ll end the same way. I just want to fuckin die. ",2.9956296891747094,4.319867109324761,4.071467041800645,88.9523881296892,74.04823151125402,7.755680600214363,24.533896034297968,8.344100000000001,1.3141092175777067,1185,36,259,20,24,385,175,311,0.21600000000000005,0.716,0.068,-0.9942,2,0,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,2,12,23,9,0,12,0,29,12,3,8,2,44,50,21,4,6,5,12,0,1,0,3,1,4,0,2,9,14,0,1,6,1,0,4,5,16,0,1,11,4,54,7,31,30,7,39,0,1,0,8,59,17,4,3,17,168,63,2,0.0,0.11655054288313685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756878706333235,0.09196123379002424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996450179445461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926518639626626,0.0,0.0,0.2008903971915646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313746152625428,0.10630136206338396,0.0,0.07853921309313153,0.0,0.10805313716877613,0.0634395205746445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020909338296247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712526058109098,0.10164091744140286,0.0,0.06497144183017113,0.08897990614703152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188011722103528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942369831171953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766025879339207,0.10243561647932126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694805542546126,0.04805786205665751,0.09859104187478383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775627561644127,0.0,0.1969851379417744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5760397727187819,0.07851676837912132,0.10455010823611796,0.0,0.0,0.07586782260142662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104759202298602,0.06665701607198429,0.07481364848064471,0.0,0.0,0.10922653662475842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589154731755383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462696841738284,0.0,0.0,0.0630173560273991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564530994042087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097381329398533,0.1627428175936584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224043940448704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759913226656814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396084178940007,0.0790648441285703,0.17195674420326587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260610778140967,0.0,0.07809357146206207,0.0,0.0,0.09324180064811054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240503874503053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604053579296428,0.07808030695838852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131188773895679,0.0,0.0,0.07161341235530605,0.0,0.0,0.0698781335212611,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,estrocow,2018/02/09,"I just cant take it any more a little background about myself im 28 years old male to female transgender, i have severe depression and anxiety bipolar disorder and PTSD as well as schizophrneia. I am also  in what my doctor describes as  ""state of psychosis induced mutism"" meaning i am unable to physically speak which has been going on for at least 6 months now, , ive tried at least 30 diffrent combinations of medications for these issues all met with failure on top of all that i am unable to keep down any solid food and have lost around 100lbs in the past 4 months. i just cant take any of this any longer i want to kill myself so badly but im so afraid of failing and just ending up in a hospital with no rights again  i want to go to sleep and never wake up. i crave physical affection ie hugs and cuddling but i know that will never happin so i may as well just die im sorry for being a burden.",4.597459016393444,5.232234825136612,5.510505464480874,82.71690573770493,69.60109289617486,8.285792349726776,26.72540983606557,8.344100000000001,1.6474229508196718,715,21,144,10,12,235,116,183,0.179,0.726,0.095,-0.9441,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,14,10,1,1,4,0,13,8,2,2,4,27,24,16,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,7,9,1,1,3,0,0,2,5,7,2,0,3,1,15,3,32,18,5,27,0,3,0,2,3,14,0,1,10,98,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642331791660027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36199343899221104,0.0,0.10180515655115477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846862423529088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111549993788487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462084430326737,0.0,0.13811510794302312,0.0,0.1525201919723912,0.13621211034365624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178685934032428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091979067025886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512638525031639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43124483287905935,0.1389000180593848,0.0,0.11828682950633435,0.1472323202975359,0.0,0.07313679972533979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338023152453068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452715713616433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496216662409675,0.0,0.13406320487155354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124449553594519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052776307342881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964414189885324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270390707750082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555623605811605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136488346552954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034151728092685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331752203062651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489711707191033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011786089345446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903519816163364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698701662929454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23930820798683294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569858506289789
suicidewatch,Throwawaymylifel,2018/02/09,"Apathy and numbness For the past 8 years or so I've been in a state of apathy over my life. Things I enjoyed no longer do anything for me. The aches and pains of maintenance are a nuisance. Constantly hope I don't wake up the next day.

I see no reason not to kill myself.

I'm curious what y'all's reason for living is. ",-0.33604575163398565,1.9003317352941205,2.280196078431373,92.17199346405228,91.94117647058823,5.963398692810457,17.84967320261438,7.3871296695380915,0.5013771241830067,250,7,55,5,9,86,53,68,0.212,0.622,0.166,-0.1184,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,5,0,5,4,1,2,0,7,8,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,5,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504142908228116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823905846997117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852769297030554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595465067390937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28910827929893745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457575670122608,0.0,0.0,0.2307474879482789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27791334042779525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780594584361092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494564174583156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373543061314802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082356261192284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360724485392348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827942679853758
suicidewatch,jjsupremacy,2018/02/09,"I'm never going to be happy am I? Every year it gets harder. Every year I'm haunted by more and more painful memories. Failed relationships. Ruined friendships. Dead and dying dreams. I remember all the times I tried so hard to build a life worth living for myself. Different schools. Different jobs. Different medicines and therapists. Church. Video Games.

Its like there's no escape and Im just so tired of all the pain and drama. Every single month it becomes more and more obvious that I am never going to have a good life. I'll be 27 in july and I've only gotten worse. In and out of the hospital. Throwing myself into pointless dreams because ""Maybe this time--"" it never is. 

No matter what I do, no matter how much I try, no matter how hard I fight for anything-- whether it's love or joy or success or even peace it always ends up the same. And I'm finally to the point where I just don't care about anything anymore. 

I've avoided posting here for the longest time because I knew once I did then I was already past a threshold. I wanted so badly to believe things would get better; but the only thing I've learned is that I'm stupid for believing in anything anymore. I've been abused and bullied my whole life. I've sacrificed everything to be a good friend, a good boyfriend, a good son-- where has it gotten me? Nowhere. 

It's clear to me now that everything I wanted for myself I'm just never meant to have. I wanted so desperately to believe my dreams could come true and I could be someone worthwhile. But I will always be worthless. All I've done is delay the inevitable. 

I dont have any more fight left in me. I fought so hard for so long and the spark is finally out. I dont think anything can save me anymore. I don't know why I'm even posting here-- I know I'll be too scared to actually do it. Just like always. ",1.9346378644186863,4.3639092273972615,3.1898630136986306,88.8622163681068,81.38356164383559,5.606603442219882,23.60554970144011,6.900799576094004,0.91242325254654,1448,52,282,17,39,468,179,365,0.194,0.649,0.157,-0.8924,4,1,0,0,3,0,48.0,0,0,0,3,22,27,4,2,15,0,31,7,0,2,10,58,55,27,2,6,10,1,3,2,1,2,6,0,0,0,16,16,0,2,7,6,1,4,12,12,0,0,9,3,30,15,28,36,12,36,1,3,0,1,8,12,0,3,20,180,46,5,0.0,0.091488234126749,0.07535159557414754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520968350083119,0.0,0.19274948347513726,0.0,0.0,0.052509470787866185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22973232067739235,0.0,0.0,0.25416847887890737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447206462427685,0.09414021151262564,0.0852789127751085,0.0,0.26098768660830696,0.0,0.06829120289684416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872677262491397,0.0,0.0,0.06651467454716734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330125176336128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013793008058585,0.242022593232565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901869095364207,0.1809929571669606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839038275771209,0.0,0.0,0.10200076867374556,0.0,0.19517321880322686,0.0,0.13879337294156902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691725235851222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965682522886185,0.0,0.08068425837535492,0.0,0.08776716911099472,0.25906018772825523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821977785020536,0.20751088219546804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340643969505179,0.0,0.0766248821081299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487169622493365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389531876263201,0.0,0.16361965524114253,0.07544759255010954,0.0,0.0681830685687342,0.06833365589657688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969037898197139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757376623704779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616330075403201,0.0,0.056762582903410935,0.0,0.2382146987957185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223243058109049,0.0,0.11745236733794455,0.16432635769351386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371132907103868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299399909489719,0.0,0.14790300632736172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290099663088035,0.08747058058685124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730660243167937,0.07814662944421256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542479512803634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965362999683707,0.10259764719568536,0.04947684118850669,0.0,0.0,0.1350756648782845,0.08874833662546174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484907687867616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366318437160554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967535410387331,0.08620881277527741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786896152360921,0.054851971357555464,0.0,0.0,0.09944903667756314
suicidewatch,RepresentativeFormal,2018/02/09,"I just made life 100x harder for myself by getting fired I worked retail for nearly two years. Always hated it. Graduated a degree in psychology which has made it very hard to find jobs. I've done 16 interviews since May and haven't gotten anything. Things are about to get harder because I was just terminated today.

Now on top of having a degree that hasn't gotten me anywhere, I now have to explain that I was fired from a job I held for 2 years because I was stupid enough to commit coupon fraud a few months ago and they rolled the cameras back and fired me for it.

I've blacklisted myself from ever getting a better job because of a mistake I committed a long time ago. I've learned my lesson, but no one will ever believe me. They have a million other applicants with clean records, why take a chance on me?

Everyone always thought I had a bright future ahead of me, but I've made terrible decisions and I seem to get further from success every day.

I was just beginning to bounce back from my depression, but the future seems hopeless now.

Any replies at all would help.",5.392611073137388,6.383741880382779,5.758458646616544,80.3667105263158,67.99521531100478,8.268079289131922,29.76110731373889,8.418075326091056,2.1837844155844155,859,31,158,12,14,275,124,209,0.152,0.733,0.115,-0.799,3,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,6,11,9,2,0,12,0,16,1,0,3,5,31,33,7,0,2,6,0,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,8,0,2,0,3,6,0,3,13,5,22,3,26,17,3,27,0,2,1,0,5,7,0,3,20,108,30,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256523043735709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211814522306807,0.0,0.0,0.08655485040210059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474069885016302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574112094890134,0.0,0.2327663505850925,0.0,0.0,0.1434011162318572,0.0,0.11256892826811228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208515174330172,0.0,0.10962618614582394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025175976526432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151439443318508,0.0,0.0,0.2302643220511052,0.1072389958264659,0.12162161500433208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163317294253108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659944504752861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401799266395117,0.12566277368518292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531318560705202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789176566685386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990171721881024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263890636893585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613065985976453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015937823680498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624830751339886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317420930757205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528743562610683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569881465610773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455926018094717,0.0,0.0,0.10104620283340886,0.07421806511652393,0.0,0.12064667711372808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243341887208632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501943392520276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485051669131878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266144773468564,0.0,0.0,0.0904161497702737,0.0,0.0,0.16392845639283365
suicidewatch,SpaceSlut69,2018/02/09,"I'm so worried about someone I've never met I saw a post of theirs in r/depression and after looking through their post history saw that they were in serious danger where they were staying. Their post got a lot of comments, and I left one too, asking for more info and that maybe we could get them out of there. Then I wake up today and almost all of their posts are deleted. 

I don't know if I should post their name for privacy, but it hurts me so much knowing I'll probably never hear from them again. I want to help them so bad but in the end I'm completely useless. They could already be dead by now and I'll never know. 

My life is full of other problems that constantly bring me down but this has been getting to me all day and I needed to say something. About a year ago I saw someone's post here an hour too late, and they had left a suicide note. I still check their profile every once in a while hoping that they didn't go through with it and maybe came back and left another post. I'm so scared that this situation is turning into that again. I wanted to rescue this person and keep them safe but I might already be too late.",3.9173717948717934,4.690435384615384,4.586399572649576,88.22908653846157,71.22222222222223,7.388461538461539,26.59081196581197,7.413659706084162,1.1973940170940172,896,28,191,9,16,287,137,234,0.158,0.774,0.068,-0.9762,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,1,0,15,0,17,9,1,1,7,0,16,2,1,0,5,43,41,21,2,9,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,12,15,0,2,4,0,1,3,5,7,0,1,11,6,31,2,27,24,6,44,0,2,4,0,24,13,0,5,20,135,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802671993213788,0.0,0.09067284425697136,0.0,0.1998485719298568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949496740552834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465211924044756,0.0,0.0,0.06962743684010776,0.07560555042083618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356519048369234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494005605897657,0.09785248855358136,0.0,0.1445937719146153,0.0,0.0,0.058397322860017885,0.0,0.07799066762147397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020051105888533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629236383757147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946173788650264,0.0,0.05146170801405287,0.0,0.07242118611374891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020565426023328,0.0,0.06069382267443019,0.0,0.0,0.08993667974736523,0.08917360762902382,0.0,0.096935753827347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048508855525424,0.0,0.0,0.1492918990332726,0.0,0.20428891161065996,0.0,0.2951488426690714,0.0,0.06395821283872208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603927757101847,0.0,0.0,0.07698245610427057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819394904986745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605934557124744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656474162461902,0.06714175108432999,0.20951345585575784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643290024537944,0.061359090566596414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906485380430857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070537516682959,0.0,0.0976283219030063,0.08664421572626575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200907317393647,0.09065644573465416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178210522488657,0.0,0.0,0.15344561014610472,0.06970989012096923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651435750591436,0.07231342606416198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904711147738304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583090614769592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849250564340528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681758897559528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195802098468757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583112949821515
suicidewatch,help_me_somebody,2018/02/09,"just help Hi everyone I don’t know what I’m asking for here and I don’t know what if I’ll get what I need here but I just want someone to help me. I’m 15 years old and the past year for me has been complete shit. I lost friends they all moved, I got so depressed and started to cut myself, then I started to drink a little, then I started doing other drugs. Then my family found out and now they’re fucking ashamed of me. My grades are dropping, I’m not even able to focus anymore. The guy that’s my therapist that’s supposed to be helping me just makes me want to die even more. I’m not going to do anything for this world, there’s no reason for me to even be here anymore.",0.8177103718199632,2.6261782465753427,2.459334637964776,96.00479452054796,81.60273972602741,4.99334637964775,22.072407045009786,5.773587663045528,0.04399960861056762,528,17,122,3,14,173,85,146,0.185,0.718,0.097,-0.9575,0,0,2,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,1,12,7,3,1,3,0,9,4,1,2,1,21,29,10,1,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,4,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,4,0,19,1,14,23,2,17,0,2,0,1,8,3,2,1,11,78,26,1,0.14804329107101433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936383286469131,0.0,0.0,0.12182701444554812,0.0,0.13840049277610206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552205740464772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750946966950522,0.0,0.15364556311036812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502606458004846,0.1716832170081508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933435925686214,0.0,0.0,0.14146170887421566,0.0,0.0,0.13956203930625566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232182736148595,0.11437787944420401,0.13686363705734192,0.0773465093230994,0.0,0.08413641397463897,0.0,0.11840374388150587,0.0,0.0,0.14658613349337005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976908921587709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627214422121833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483782700212052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616067403357173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882004636489712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573465894630394,0.0,0.10977222447942728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553465304169665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413240727748354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221315979631247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196431084513845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254366001058325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143574101841041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188967136911007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746395374861894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067005131955034
suicidewatch,distortedpenguin,2018/02/09,"Freshman in high school. I know I’m young. I don’t care [UPDATE] https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6z61bu/freshman_in_high_school_i_know_im_young_i_dont/

Well. It’s been more or less six months since then. The kids in my class have been outcasting me, and I’ve gone to every single counselor about it. They’ve done nothing. I’ve calmly made a statement about transferring to another school to my parents. They yelled at me for even bringing it up, and that I should focus more on grades and not even have any friends. My only friend (mentioned in the last post) is drifting away from me. He’s made plenty of friends, who are far more interesting than I’ll ever be. Tomorrow is my school’s formal; I’ll be sulking off in the corner while all the happy people with dates are loving life. I just want to fucking die, every night I fantasize about how everyone I know will react. In reality, no one will say anything. Even though everyone pretends to care. ",5.3626592412112775,8.4651106331361,4.346230421162549,81.60861120779674,72.84615384615384,6.3433344935607385,24.14235990254089,7.5105763829236425,1.2199457709711101,783,24,132,10,17,230,113,169,0.068,0.765,0.166,0.9555,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,1,0,5,0,15,3,0,4,2,18,27,8,1,2,3,1,0,0,3,3,1,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,1,1,2,6,2,14,10,23,16,6,27,0,0,0,2,11,13,1,1,10,86,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919908909697616,0.14184647925338545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131889389514957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709428231235645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758415138555607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403929515566372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843216614115045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26804140612477795,0.12236298743296785,0.2279481907010432,0.25852001761782983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135368395199189,0.12505854108819334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400158231810475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292430275994156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868599581564873,0.11026628354270554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554795633346973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208997650102607,0.2559988705724017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797433666176318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694539176219888,0.0,0.12979895573189199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166509578530788,0.10288189688270433,0.0,0.0,0.1502056577389164,0.0,0.0,0.09378188992210036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295550033643101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075752350458325,0.0,0.4107132272137521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111899968241779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290592025929987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797880512454499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162748214648975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,takethisedandshoveit,2018/02/09,"Considering the pros and cons of going inpatient. Need help I've been going through a pretty intense depressive episode since yesterday (I'm bipolar). I don't know what I might do if I keep being left alone at night because the suicidal ideation is, as I said before, really intense, so I've been thinking of going inpatient.

I don't know if a history of being hospitalized will create trouble in my academic/professional life (as in, will I be denied a scholarship if they find out?). I don't have a problem with money since public hospitals are free where I live. 

Do you know anything else I should be considering before making this decision? ",8.949439775910363,8.252635386554623,9.398781512605042,63.003326330532225,60.680672268907564,12.975350140056026,40.84173669467787,12.161744961471696,5.324242577030812,517,25,83,15,6,174,78,119,0.124,0.736,0.14,-0.2268,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,18,2,0,1,0,18,30,7,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,0,3,3,3,3,0,0,3,1,12,2,11,19,0,11,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,4,2,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984844699113307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577059540457293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682386373125858,0.0,0.3261483502327245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506193355893356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600932309191879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515833459401944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267455948808672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845433987496815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703412054897496,0.0,0.0,0.315966131213525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082208044646631,0.0,0.1353631992147031,0.0,0.0,0.16922438102201592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792326695147707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330305919871566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210094097797746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984408054236656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949699442214911,0.0,0.1833765784502268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277148634510784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229648756374736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170583291256634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962646214587047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279716945577568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaylol191,2018/02/09,i just need to vent i've been feeling suicidal on and off for a while but I've been okay for almost over 2 years now. i've got a job that on paper is amazing but in reality i absolutely hate. it pays really well though and I don't have anything else lined up so I feel like I have to stay. I feel so trapped like i should've just taken an out years ago. i've been looking for another job but nothing so far. I feel like if i quit before finding a new job i'll never get hired again. this all just sparked up these feelings i haven't had in a while and its been a rough night. i wrote a note and stood on my balcony for about 5 minutes but i ended up pussying out. i know  this isn't anything compared to what everyone else is going thru out on this subreddit. i don't really have anyone else to talk to about this though. sorry for taking up your time.,1.1451398264223729,2.913713530054647,2.987470266795242,92.81702025072323,80.36612021857924,6.054516232722597,21.693667630986823,7.048011613610866,0.4543123754419805,668,20,153,8,17,223,100,183,0.08800000000000001,0.784,0.128,0.7313,3,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,13,7,1,0,7,1,14,0,0,0,2,27,30,16,1,2,8,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,7,0,1,1,5,1,1,0,9,7,16,6,28,21,1,30,0,0,1,0,3,16,0,2,15,98,25,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694937968622142,0.0,0.13211041346765667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383417582282172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224962381153176,0.13517948808845098,0.21713688752141225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122640519000986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306357019180077,0.0,0.11685221482938199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126066272362508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335428385205603,0.188503885058599,0.0,0.0,0.1205830681134307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068928801922542,0.0,0.07497975363186685,0.0,0.1055177315734185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025511503576234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927651882178822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250614253282307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933653081952721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107892939943462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782559011334138,0.10175376287119436,0.12742033588471294,0.0,0.12380884451831245,0.0,0.12659190306768153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032546828454942,0.0,0.0,0.16903748867734136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476865952298221,0.0,0.14062150338568713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431172813957588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991961242479499,0.10604160136731278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592442023854032,0.0,0.07693036152220797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862232899668462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699192156825773
suicidewatch,Saiyaman,2018/02/09,"If I don't find a job in a week, I'm through I can't find a job because of my lack of experience and limited availability. My school money's evaporated having to pay for transportation and I'm about to go through my poor period, were I can barely eat at school and have to walk 2 miles to get to the bus stop. This has been happening for years and it never gets better.",2.7023076923076914,3.9350012820512816,4.759487179487183,84.09384615384619,74.64102564102564,8.78974358974359,24.538461538461537,9.2995712137729,1.8066769230769242,292,9,65,7,6,101,55,78,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.8835,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,11,14,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,14,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,41,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954188268904932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245297668674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423286865319276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391866075415326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184405993308709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391928621396127,0.0,0.13009526767840165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024250407793345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543172418413735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655010021780787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463339846946761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913796563675957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361841460146394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147411032826693
suicidewatch,QuillFurry,2018/02/09,"A friend might have taken pills and could be dying, I don't know his address, what the fuck do I do Hes super depressed, and Ive been trying to talk him down, but he just said ""I'm 'going to sleep' now"" and isnt responding anymore

This is super fucking urgent, if anyone here knows how to trace his discord or steam to an adress HURRY

Edit: he just responded, which means he didnt shoot himself or anything instantly fatal, but please hurry

Heres his steam http://steamcommunity.com/id/irishboy22697/

I know this isnt allowed, but please dont delete the post mods, Im doing this to try and save a life not dox someone
",6.622436974789912,6.8675609915966405,6.2114285714285735,80.80857142857144,65.1344537815126,8.14453781512605,27.92436974789916,7.447530270364453,1.4791647058823516,494,13,93,4,7,153,81,119,0.097,0.71,0.193,0.9117,1,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,2,0,5,0,16,5,1,2,0,22,26,11,2,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,1,10,4,6,19,0,4,0,1,0,2,14,1,2,4,1,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187872545853631,0.13246012642426042,0.0,0.1558921239137956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125159581867548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316349978998645,0.0,0.1966077332865452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202105178934226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636007158562198,0.3502665343074993,0.0,0.0,0.10766252733591572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462658610541912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123320966399196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380634074999745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635456480276992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096480116070908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158941841352887,0.0,0.0,0.1814301591708616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019983329289516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895757718638029,0.0,0.16051101716658905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226386128188638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572332392610325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sworn_to_Ganondorf,2018/02/09,"Broke up with girlfriend, depression amplified x20, im so scared. I love her but im not in love with her, I dont want to waste her time. I feel more than dead inside, im losing my mind I want to scream but my throats too tired to keep doing it.",-1.6572222222222202,0.28648762962963303,0.5906481481481514,102.85041666666667,98.62962962962965,4.181481481481482,14.157407407407408,5.985473137389443,-0.9756592592592596,188,4,48,2,8,62,37,54,0.365,0.47,0.165,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,10,8,3,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,9,2,8,8,1,3,0,3,0,2,6,2,0,0,1,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786387401540432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430786360330189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487085589716463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6721031773211257,0.0,0.0,0.18435224699549105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320345944687387,0.0,0.0,0.374384562421065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942123562412207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764988615667307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209402800116624,0.2383830283209989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466721599955604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alessF,2018/02/09,I’m so drugged rn that i don’t know what’s going to happen  By drugged i meant I took a giant dose of diazepam ,-2.4196153846153834,-0.6778071923076894,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,101.69230769230772,2.6,18.03846153846154,3.1291,-1.0585846153846157,87,3,22,0,4,30,22,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8189523552769143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067108360921734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122392767063957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940508668756439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39229969555962607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,budzabit47,2018/02/09,"I don't want to get up tomorrow But I'm going to. I'm going to wake up and stare at the ceiling before stress eating more than I should and feeling shitty about it, laying in bed being a worthless piece of shit and go to a school where I'll contemplate dying all day, then go to job where all I can do is fuck up and come home tired and wanting to cry or die, either works but I can't cry anymore and I'm to much of a bitch to actually do anything so I'll start the cycle the next day until I'm too weak to get out of bed. Man life is great isn't it? I'm made out of optimism.",1.991212892281596,2.3195591984732857,4.228651399491096,90.67027141645464,75.33587786259542,7.04359626802375,22.189143341815093,6.937597516519254,0.3938033927056828,449,10,110,4,9,157,77,131,0.221,0.6970000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9414,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,1,6,0,10,7,2,1,2,20,28,12,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,1,2,9,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,1,2,4,1,23,25,6,21,0,1,1,1,1,9,3,1,7,65,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.1610829019340892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370345180172724,0.0,0.0,0.13583719046035225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046101124389349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219177066683406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626396713216876,0.2129108649021476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426297806705189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890613531974102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346351944155228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260303323253646,0.17248280385400513,0.0,0.3752485979152784,0.0,0.0,0.1819884428313723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655770177344984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638048707036244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659265995574605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619166757231667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134423306747864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555206694947376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670579866468091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694402931024267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168362304374538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890852415954915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972179018273586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472318371572975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201717275371118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PracticalAddition,2018/02/09,"Wizard looking for painless, sure-fire way to die. I'm amazed I even reached this age like this, I gave it a lot of thought and I'm ready to end it. idk if this is the right community to ask but I want a fast, pain-ess death that is sure-fire.  
I've been too scared to do it after reading stories of other guys who were dragged to psyche wards and stuffed with drugs after they failed and were found, really I just want to end it and not be forced by some asshat I don't know to be kept alive.",1.4770964360587016,2.9321904622641526,2.3618238993710707,99.10697064989522,78.33962264150944,5.4658280922431866,20.26834381551363,5.82211442006289,-0.3700951781970652,383,9,95,2,9,120,73,106,0.16399999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.158,-0.6888,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,0,17,20,6,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,1,6,2,14,11,2,8,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,3,7,54,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016124432071276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238204268299042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500964566265588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38202046507812015,0.0,0.0,0.14244101113279686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236459419643379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353672896017012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185207757159464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536029786939292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109959524170946,0.0,0.0,0.18334592445562253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947682502767794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571777770804115,0.0,0.1381569449377653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417196395171312,0.0,0.0,0.2159126987136888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065128969863969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120948787166768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254403023622999,0.17118040725929073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway09-02-18,2018/02/09,"Thanks for what you do here but I'm done. As stated. You guys do a valuable service here in helping those that need support and advice. Unfortunately I have realised that I am finished and have decided that I will die today.

I wish the you the best.",1.5894557823129247,4.215664714285714,3.0072448979591826,88.04787414965988,85.53061224489795,4.899319727891157,24.493197278911573,6.42735559955562,0.8618952380952378,197,8,38,2,6,64,36,49,0.13,0.536,0.334,0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,12,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,4,3,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30133308685473603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236125964300098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200367107674519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155669470938816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053322403695954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669219039642248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22865054444030086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34993170892501196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28390330205911424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29229627025702226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546073298328363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DreaminginDaydreams,2018/02/09,"Goodbye everyone. Love you all Well this is it. I’m done with this fucking planet and I’m done with society and I’m done have health issues and so much unbearable pain. I love every single one of you. The weak die and the strong survive,. Peace ",-0.15614512471655573,1.924210755102041,1.4639455782312931,94.26399092970524,104.71428571428572,4.626757369614512,17.689342403628114,6.42735559955562,0.20551519274376412,193,6,39,3,9,62,34,49,0.16,0.5720000000000001,0.268,0.7867,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,2,7,1,0,2,0,5,6,0,0,1,7,11,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,3,4,3,8,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436126286937866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6636832249653738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214142293975508,0.2065697636050883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985541937858536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297897976443115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256363111068133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902227427765476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891756589084066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648952403523965,0.0,0.2300313290957694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437226150915807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,regrettablefailure,2018/02/09,"Thoughts of dying in a car crash Sometimes I think of crashing my car. I feel like I've let down and disappointed too many people in my life. The two big things holding me back are:

1. The thing I don't want to happen before I die is having regret that I may have ruined someone else's life by trying to end mine.

2. The last time I saw my best friend was before she was in a car accident. I don't want anyone to have to lose their best friend even if they're a complete stranger to me.",2.2796153846153837,3.4073223461538475,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,75.53846153846153,5.9692307692307685,21.653846153846153,5.985473137389443,0.057638461538461076,380,9,87,2,8,124,72,104,0.205,0.6459999999999999,0.149,-0.5489999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,3,9,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,0,0,10,18,2,2,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,4,2,15,5,12,12,2,12,0,4,1,0,4,5,0,2,5,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992039867377208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318768850763372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918765259812353,0.0,0.3599681781148699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798199018984782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559905670413268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327055783192422,0.0,0.1519026702686786,0.0,0.0,0.1132775436123182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086718164297093,0.12252332374799495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26500892922679553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166145051437666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397995995122011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537565047560405,0.24227833931584414,0.08378876028744353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191870409692093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387931794743974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890008651220448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531576927911352,0.0,0.16962299301199113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278808210142817,0.10989358430145643,0.0,0.1361559432567101,0.10000604059598722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644074876361818,0.0,0.1675356249878769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231637907072214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwillforgetyou,2018/02/09,"Football Season is Over This post isn’t for you. In fact, fuck you.  
I fucking hate you. 

Fuck your Gods and your Kings. Fuck your children and your love. 

I am so numb. I feel absolutely nothing. I remember the day I realized I was fundamentally broken. I was 13. It was late. As I lay awake in bed, I listened to my parents having their umpteenth screaming argument and I suddenly had this realization that I am awful. I am nothing... I knew right then and there that one day I would end it.

22 years of suffering later and I can no longer contain my rage. All my life has been a lesson in disappointment and bitterness. 

Every morning I wake up nearly in tears. I can’t stand waking up. Why? No, not again.

Every night I pray I don’t wake up.

No more. I’ve finally overcome my fear. This life has been more than I ever asked for. I’m not going to hide from myself anymore. 

I am a monster, I feel nothing but hatred and pain. So to that end, I’m going to drink this scotch and take these pills. I’ve been saving these for years, I’ve done my research. I know they’ll do the trick. So, once more into the breach.

My only regret will be that I can’t stop the fake tears and platitudes of my bereaved. 

I will miss my dog. 
I’m so sorry boy. You’ll have a better owner soon.

I wonder if he will remember me.",-0.3135522904062213,1.9654380711610528,1.973632958801499,93.106378565255,95.25468164794009,4.6860270815327,18.082108902333623,6.42735559955562,0.035969057908384006,1003,30,215,13,39,337,148,267,0.231,0.7170000000000001,0.051,-0.9896,1,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,8,2,3,8,20,8,1,7,1,30,14,3,0,3,31,50,17,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,6,5,2,1,2,12,10,1,2,9,1,0,2,9,17,0,1,9,5,46,3,22,34,4,32,1,4,0,5,18,11,4,2,17,145,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389348949675705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167893856167558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104873106736568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611344764828066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784315235460847,0.0,0.1223803805967694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129554455954165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300314429095552,0.21051187802000407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057701037677325,0.1263331537055009,0.0,0.0,0.1368508415280798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619700339090598,0.0,0.0,0.14199718366597947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333902551865394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865632080290833,0.0,0.14092249957473454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647852055217048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275101663060295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723502934442614,0.0,0.359610951753401,0.0,0.0,0.13304261339175685,0.08465340919488341,0.09501220983781812,0.13293057205170955,0.0,0.13871606088472696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964502539472915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830346751016499,0.10668652279390388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984495528496493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444412275756118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392915814945414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272670810616878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547742770925827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887441799729203,0.0,0.0,0.16089710161039752
suicidewatch,grandeicedthrowaway,2018/02/09,"decided to die, i only have five good moments in my whole life. I was not good at living. I tried, and didn’t ever get it right. I’m almost 30, I’ve had a shot at this life business and it is not for me. My life is not even a punctuation mark on grand scheme of the story of the world, but here are my top five favorite moments from this waste of time that was my life.

*summer 2007 in new york city
*graduating college
*Going to this lame theme park with friends (back when I had them) and spending all day with good company
*the first concert I ever went to
*new years eve 2008

I have tried to be a kind person, and hope that I have accomplished in this life making at least one person feel good about themselves. Hopefully I can be remembered as that kind of woman. Be excellent to each other...party on dudes. 

-Lidia.",1.095559808612439,3.491964284848485,2.45744816586922,92.91143540669857,84.93939393939394,5.413078149920256,18.98724082934609,6.8360192770164,0.17603030303030345,637,17,135,8,19,205,104,165,0.058,0.687,0.255,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,7,12,0,0,6,0,15,5,0,1,3,21,23,7,1,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,3,9,7,0,0,3,1,1,2,4,1,0,4,6,2,14,11,23,14,4,27,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,3,14,89,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293514717433108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020805472637363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561611552608317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777892874581896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768355150293153,0.24016934097793596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712501333368404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292149750679427,0.0,0.0,0.10256633112614387,0.0,0.06935910794319586,0.0,0.07544783429648064,0.4453950221823452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637117178039215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27648820467235263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4688445866232444,0.0,0.0,0.1172252656957351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861512074375621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25643158111807657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995835304158853,0.1009663048085314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23183342406256624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038575213899624,0.11337220761161695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741061936523974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026412059564406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306539192200287,0.0,0.1482164296068347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548999034826417
suicidewatch,aspienwild,2018/02/09,"I've explored all the options, I'm ready to die These last 7 years have been borrowed years. I decided to go into the depths of trauma recovery, to really figure out how to reprocess all the chronic childhood trauma I went through. I didn't want to give up without a fight you know. I've helped people to have better lives through my understanding and in-depth knowledge of this. They said there was hope so I decided to check out this hope. 

But now it's my time to go. This life is tangled in such a dissociative web that it will be many more years of suffering. I already didn't agree to 7, and my life is passing before my eyes. I held out for the future, but rationally, it's not a future worth waiting for. The mental health system just isn't at that stage where they're willing to do anything at all to reduce your suffering. It feels like a conscious decision for me.. has been inevitable for some time now. 

I'm yet to make plans and arrangements but I'm committed. This is no life. ",3.881032148900168,5.346373583756347,4.686314720812182,84.85593570219967,72.04568527918781,7.892927241962775,27.854145516074446,8.447377352677275,1.9010456175972927,784,29,157,13,15,253,117,197,0.106,0.816,0.078,-0.6542,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,2,1,2,9,9,1,0,9,0,16,6,1,2,4,36,33,8,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,11,7,0,2,10,0,3,5,6,5,0,0,8,3,14,4,30,22,5,29,0,2,1,0,7,10,0,4,13,102,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949127032536752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453492821026592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029688908114158,0.0,0.0,0.15621256197881858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331133203902386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930810915241827,0.12618263381954253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943707501505267,0.20076281809190813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774664287604856,0.0,0.0,0.11838960803207048,0.0,0.0,0.35086167895904025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706978750111887,0.1439748868521488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742714207848731,0.08629121488158235,0.0,0.15596521034763658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790014605429885,0.17907243808110168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799885337631022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245118413812985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315202086639982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801308332051876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059856885080995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838753291373278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417940354150106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373534855061395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702624890036347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34122672057469805
suicidewatch,RainbowMcSmileypants,2018/02/09,"Apparently I even suck at trying to kill myself So...since I was ~15 I've tried to kill myself about 4 times. Apparently I'm either not very good at it or just simply have bad luck.

I'm now 26 and really don't know what to do. 

I usually get told things like ""life is too precious"", or ""it'll get better at some point"". Yeah, right. It hasn't gotten better,

Thinking about trying it one last time. Maybe I'll lock the door and hang myself. Maybe I'll just swallow a ton of tide pods. Those seem to be quite popular right now. I heard acid works. Maybe a shotgun.

I really can't go on like this any more. I've tried turning my life around. I've tried therapy. I've tried medical intervention. Nothing has helped. I still feel like a piece of shit pretty much every day.



Please help me.",0.3069613095238104,2.6960483687500023,2.0576785714285712,93.8804166666667,90.3125,5.2976190476190474,15.74404761904762,6.868970318607317,-0.1770327380952379,609,13,133,9,21,199,104,160,0.128,0.698,0.173,0.5818,2,0,0,1,0,3,29.0,0,0,0,4,10,14,4,0,4,1,10,5,1,0,0,15,24,4,2,0,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,8,3,1,0,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,3,11,9,13,18,6,18,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,5,11,64,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812729111637114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639187273633513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978832965044328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113990022379256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707597222455861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789371830135376,0.0,0.10069482346281614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060429343605339914,0.08538008259803638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488117790677568,0.0,0.06792196942019661,0.10024180070463663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602140359026463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644467661354759,0.0,0.06568119735455856,0.0974190136897871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168831076318564,0.17516398646293016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602004962583798,0.0,0.0,0.12039673393177333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785577703437353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467590852890185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098507480508349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118934115645256,0.1129783773272091,0.0,0.0,0.12158764613886765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271167442413031,0.0,0.0,0.15312612512945847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412682988981773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880011031119803,0.0,0.0,0.12267833612799325,0.09886235563394716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544320434250662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667348556856404,0.0,0.07939910021020026,0.07657907913068814,0.0,0.0,0.1393779363013354,0.0,0.0,0.11419975502140435,0.0,0.4868487293568519,0.12999578161306075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316266409214422,0.09861070851852714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700685836849678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VincentValencia,2018/02/09,"Seriously what's the point, I've been unemployed for 2 years and have 0 prospects. I just don't know and this won't make sense because I don't know what to say.

Ive been unemployed for 2 years having my gf pay my bills and it feels awful I look for jobs every day get some interviews but I can't talk to people honestly, it scares me and I end up giving a bad impression. Because of this I haven't even been able to get through interviews at supermarkets and fast food places.

I've worked in kitchens before but I've never held a job for longer than 8 months due to anxiety and depression so no place will take me on based on past experience.

I have no money so I can't go back into education and even if I did I can't imagine I'd be able to finish it since I have no drive or motivation.

I just want to close my eyes to sleep and not have to wake up, I want to kill myself but I'm to scared to actually do it. I constantly feel numb and my heart feels heavy in my chest I just don't know what I can do and how I can get out of this. I'm fed up of feeling like I'm worthless all I want is to live a real life and have motivations. ",1.6348387096774175,2.866785064516133,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,77.38709677419354,7.540645161290323,22.07741935483871,8.238735603445708,0.8669493548387108,888,24,215,16,20,304,133,248,0.19,0.7170000000000001,0.093,-0.983,6,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,9,11,1,2,4,1,26,10,5,4,2,43,49,19,1,4,9,0,4,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,10,14,3,1,10,0,3,2,13,8,0,0,6,7,27,3,31,40,2,28,0,2,2,0,6,14,0,3,13,129,37,10,0.2596902327157091,0.0,0.12671010318205134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933115861204647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984287961847904,0.10841524852467496,0.15830475550590067,0.0,0.11048863047582427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031644246016595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373935823235161,0.0,0.1118354084551073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500423302068505,0.0,0.0,0.1715229495118102,0.0,0.10940011070544044,0.0,0.0,0.12701343912237725,0.0,0.0,0.26261436895899776,0.09276137707033227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570092301056777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351614241230692,0.12455926722565586,0.07379397190804943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386708806391788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577024851100773,0.0,0.14365438309547282,0.0,0.2140784406213695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917134456598461,0.06343576512228287,0.0,0.11465561661679427,0.0,0.10903719541239916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667262343272042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364113308217042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014455843269066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395185584473425,0.09001825465769099,0.0,0.27132102093940197,0.0,0.12274560460877967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779216912888304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325804812912684,0.25999522627581023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740922203362653,0.0,0.1299388889480157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762736807699404,0.10436458608285268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297580413964732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945287911563902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723199559019014
suicidewatch,Wastingmylife11,2018/02/09,"Kind of suicidal, but not really if that makes any sense I hate myself because I'm lazy and unmotivated. I dont think I suffer from actual depression because I have friends and family who care about me, and I dont really have any real problems in my life aside from the fact that I feel like I'm wasting my life, and yet I can't help but think about how much easier it would be if I just offed myself almost every day, but at the same time when I think about it I also think about the people I would be hurting in doing so, so I don't go any further than thinking about it. Has anyone else felt like this, and does it ever go away?

PS. Sorry if I'm using up space on this subreddit that could be used by people with more substantial issues, if so I'll delete this post",12.36906832298137,5.3754286397515525,11.992844720496896,66.43150310559008,60.73913043478261,15.364472049689445,40.274534161490685,11.20814326018867,4.137908322981367,605,13,129,10,5,205,97,161,0.187,0.677,0.13699999999999998,-0.8451,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,14,10,1,0,3,0,14,2,0,4,2,35,31,18,1,8,9,0,2,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,2,17,5,18,24,3,16,0,3,0,0,3,8,0,5,7,88,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.12610913382041594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940445482739005,0.0,0.0,0.10334460696002848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636410215856727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036011593655056,0.13241066696240614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141516068709365,0.0,0.0,0.15755393686183766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175786164256087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317906303357292,0.0,0.0,0.08334219346492694,0.0,0.11130498781508194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130894120742989,0.0,0.3029115028289069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795447946437126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689528050375715,0.10888124036248893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182586222571222,0.0,0.06534220588280909,0.09232142205362548,0.1240803727762589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998422196472887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468879536010107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275871576452858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661966103452265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834261492624889,0.0,0.0,0.13488179145417248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457240674247467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255692168810891,0.12626979525559462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626154657406779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499838867134283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918261981993364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376592609127438,0.0,0.0,0.1236549662898895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709121029998454,0.1655751692355253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466159660992498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135585541613838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140245165952111,0.0,0.0,0.07535463125995412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322520839585164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360154270221876,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slowarterialbleeding,2018/02/09,"Goodbye, maybe? To",1.3000000000000007,-8.086352666666663,0.7283333333333353,92.5125,242.3333333333333,0.6000000000000001,34.833333333333336,3.1291,1.519133333333334,14,1,2,0,2,4,3,3,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HisMagazine,2018/02/09,"depressed and suicidal thoughts Hi, i'm a 21 years old men my life is ""great"", my family doesn't struggle with money and are very supportive and love me, yet I feel depressed, and i can't do anything about it, my grandma, whom i was very close of, has passed away last year, next year my girlfriend whom I have been with for now 4 years will move away for her studies, I don't see my bestfriend much anymore because of his own studies too and I myself have failed my first year of studies and on the way to fail the re-do of my first year, again, i don't know what to do with my life and have suicidal thoughts because i kind of don't see the point of living, but I don't do it because I don't want to hurt my family, I can't talk to anyone about this and I blame myself and feel kind of selfish to feel that way because many people suffer much more than I do and I shouldn't feel that way for such "" little issues "" moreover nobody around me have the slightest idea of how i'm feeling and i don't really express my feelings and I don't want to, I really don't know what to do and how to deal with this, but I know for sure that it will be more and more difficult to deal with everything when my girlfriend will be away and i'll be alone.",6.08470933646506,4.500038862595424,6.321908396946565,85.63380798590723,66.86259541984735,9.435584263065179,31.222548443922488,7.882392219407189,1.836745977686436,970,29,221,9,13,312,114,262,0.14,0.805,0.056,-0.9664,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,11,15,0,1,5,0,32,3,0,2,1,42,51,20,2,3,2,0,6,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,12,22,0,0,12,0,1,2,12,9,0,2,4,8,35,6,34,40,6,28,0,6,2,1,13,8,0,0,15,151,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028072428131954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602364041252266,0.06770176819060042,0.0,0.0796781093364495,0.08619411210681778,0.0,0.0,0.27290871570264746,0.0,0.0,0.2360926610237331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964310429963172,0.16678917253283787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701939432608913,0.0,0.1825545750697506,0.0,0.2937435059631888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471731837315054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674907951751723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365236420452452,0.10930279488426003,0.0,0.10105936323250683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165511723175888,0.15963622998118476,0.07892468824308407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367796650725475,0.0,0.097043337027577,0.08549758831271158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738766759303179,0.0,0.0,0.09816459423922784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029088565948324,0.14235393174625746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297369032174256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016007647559441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712574494344282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153021439072816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405619016219792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431278574068055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122173086409343,0.0,0.21182003268980668,0.10987501361431352,0.09125571152910104,0.0,0.0,0.07782366602380031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373528123792685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978029611421327,0.1142189047775689,0.2305637530335565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741098622181839
suicidewatch,CandylandPrincess206,2018/02/09,"My life could be over I have never been someone to know happiness. I found it in my boyfriend for the first time in my life. We've been dating for 3 years. I love him, he treats me like a queen and is caring and thoughtful. Has helped me with my depression and anxiety at my lowest. But he screwed up and he saw his ex and she made a move. I'm scared I'll lose him. If I do my life is over and not worth living. He's my best friend. I've tried pushing him away and maybe he's had it. Idk what to do. Other than start over in a new life.",-1.4439390756302508,0.5287950000000023,0.598019957983194,104.0220719537815,94.7983193277311,3.9834033613445374,14.160189075630253,5.602791699666715,-1.2119542016806717,411,8,107,3,16,134,77,119,0.149,0.675,0.17600000000000002,0.7673,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,1,11,1,1,4,0,11,6,0,1,1,17,20,9,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,7,1,18,7,15,11,1,18,0,2,1,2,14,9,1,1,8,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183341529445131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419299258411902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456987122397512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890315516292991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802986431128648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596880390169349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770439509769665,0.0,0.20328571962683253,0.14324253188960187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973658146099015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427227281040375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189309107873053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238248061582756,0.09057894164156928,0.0,0.16371497035451865,0.0,0.0,0.20741945080250265,0.0,0.0,0.16733418674941322,0.17543357793848505,0.0,0.0,0.18626305777047847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705491978345685,0.0,0.0,0.14299485623779565,0.1790641652699433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856215683891141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570920555451289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122977849633205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718992375700002,0.10811045877600628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258770239681058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939398177012073
suicidewatch,FifthGear,2018/02/09,"I am alone and worthless for the 5th day in a row i am just laying in bed all day. my sleep schedule is 100% backwards right now. i have been going to sleep around 5-8am and waking up around noon, then I go back to sleep until around 2-5 and i never leave my house. I have to find a job but I have nothing in this world to motivate me. I feel lost and worthless. I graduated college last May and I have taken time off but now I am just wasting away while the last of my bank account goes to paying off the first of student loans... I hate myself... I cant even get myself out of my house to go watch a movie alone in a theater for free... I cannot bring myself to do anything... everything feels utterly pointless... I am so alone... I don't want to become worse like I used to be.. I used to cut myself and have constant suicidal thoughts... but I hate being in this never ending limbo just as much... I feel like I feel so little emotions... It has been forever sense I have felt anything...",0.8356722689075653,2.8858370490196097,2.601512605042018,93.71323529411768,82.92156862745098,5.0621848739495805,20.498599439775916,6.18269132825596,0.056189355742296776,754,22,166,6,21,249,114,204,0.197,0.7509999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9851,1,3,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,3,12,9,3,0,7,0,21,4,4,3,3,31,39,15,1,1,6,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,10,0,0,8,0,5,4,5,6,0,1,6,6,31,4,30,30,2,39,0,3,1,0,0,17,0,1,20,117,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567967342125996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899537209648576,0.3066768606675903,0.0,0.0,0.10788928247698944,0.08829940604378367,0.0,0.0,0.12682390769308655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409356155144664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481154314190225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917154786466775,0.10170785845771944,0.0,0.0,0.07584604241506479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320439922102004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23225184295817106,0.08203664127489606,0.11025758490579483,0.0,0.10495518327988557,0.0976767996126002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999544672588693,0.0,0.1957865372270305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674741463471398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26500348013951364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395392670052415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872082676951417,0.0,0.12159145249033472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220310158590108,0.11509272586756425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253536670912203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441538875557274,0.0,0.1771324116835059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018525731755004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806666267290444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447474700231529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560854615241954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116448960664617,0.06695998301980405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835749858843574,0.0,0.0,0.06773141515487305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702452780354344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SentinelSarahLyons,2018/02/10,"I just want to sleep, to be in a reality where I'm needed. For the past two years of my life, I've been told the same things over and over again. 
""Anon, you don't know what you're talking about, you're just a child!""
""Anon, you can't think like this, you're too young!""
I'm honestly just tired. I'm not mentally or physically unstable, just done. I don't want to be hear anymore, I just want to sleep. I have nothing to wake up for anymore, just the same cycle every single day. This isn't how I want to live life.
Is there any way for me to just sleep, and never wake up again?",1.5588709677419352,2.771948758064518,3.0443870967741944,95.3215806451613,77.54838709677419,6.572903225806452,19.65806451612903,7.1686216300943375,0.01908645161290368,442,9,110,5,10,145,70,124,0.066,0.857,0.077,-0.4393,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,0,14,2,0,0,5,0,10,8,5,1,1,22,22,4,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,9,2,17,17,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,8,67,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420118217883644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333091690729288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830382497185544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185524412512865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414920139328956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927432604626032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229237980294244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372341316194203,0.08204428774933209,0.0,0.14828919275509864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923842323344251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452126401704935,0.12952139779102886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113763040987467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031243114015634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041671795459155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497934666533684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156818401245387,0.10760561227190424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301594182844206,0.0,0.1604685600803367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640475521730499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962083497580705,0.13329854674138109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814427744859867
suicidewatch,Mccoy919,2018/02/10,I want to die I wont ever trust anyone ever again. No one ever cares about me at this point.. If I wasent such a pansy I'd end it all. I see no purpose... no reason..,-2.50842105263158,-0.8164507894736808,1.3476842105263138,98.93678947368423,96.36842105263158,3.04,10.23157894736842,3.1291,-1.9305957894736845,122,1,31,0,5,45,30,38,0.318,0.578,0.104,-0.8361,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,3,3,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590271477597325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710725182073531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759314244261888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354821956645402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7214847977421794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180160614687264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513333963650546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27335897730308995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186422866440344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681720761789844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myr4nd0mstuff,2018/02/10,Tired of this life. Tired of living. Ready to kill myself. Tired of waking up and never being happy. Being happy isn't an option anymore. Not sure when but it's time to choose.,-0.3591428571428565,1.4651525142857125,1.5314285714285705,92.98857142857143,109.57142857142857,2.0,7.857142857142858,3.1291,-2.004142857142857,138,1,25,0,7,45,28,35,0.34600000000000003,0.611,0.043,-0.8566,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,2,7,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127413769643685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567107108928425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373292193723681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151838736403533,0.0,0.0,0.18942079873912912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544730042399935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217798078849286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125085503231987,0.7396607910107803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bibbop9,2018/02/10,I made a noose today I’m not sure if I’m going to use it but it’s comforting knowing I have it. I also threw away most of my belongings which wasn’t as difficult as I imagined it to be. ,-1.2474418604651163,0.5862191395348866,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,90.16279069767441,6.2306976744186064,20.227906976744187,7.554174236665415,0.7594316279069768,145,5,35,3,5,54,32,43,0.12,0.789,0.09,-0.0467,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,9,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,6,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386821571316841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979031875935212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406914615365011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327509570421156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007370149459372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991547694992713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014395760057131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657781345809278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unknown24000,2018/02/10,"Help me I don’t want to live anymore, it all hurts too much. I just can’t take it, I tried, I tried my best to feel okay but I just couldn’t succeed. I stood in the middle of a road hoping a car would run me over but this stranger stopped and asked if I was okay, when people I know don’t even care anymore. I just can’t, I’m so tired of hurting all the time, crying myself to sleep each night. I’m all alone and I always have been. I can’t take this anymore I just can’t ",-0.5875785896346635,1.1050449065420591,1.2167204757858985,103.66462192013596,85.9158878504673,3.89090909090909,16.269328802039087,3.1291,-1.333927102803738,363,7,96,0,11,118,63,107,0.18,0.626,0.194,-0.1046,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,4,2,11,2,1,0,3,20,22,7,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,3,1,16,6,7,17,6,10,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069643976938526,0.0,0.0,0.14517151990133564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190767242834139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631042168109107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309361351184064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788195899928058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164512681632748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152346015602855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821636479878807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169423577507224,0.0,0.0,0.17328629034202245,0.0,0.0,0.37354363602110996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588316073879917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405861822094433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282542025801587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372658819161895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095428323913113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459420022484834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586322851954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26235674919890817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173381125866106,0.20052553217288685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690491268205305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290586548700163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393720452051946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kimberlycanyon,2018/02/10,"I don’t know what to do I never was the sad / depressed type but I feel like I’m in a dark hole wanting to get out but I can’t . I don’t show it when I’m out  or to my parents. When I get home from school I run to my room and literally cry and watch depressing videos. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me . I dont want to feel like this but it’s so hard. No one with understand me and I’m afraid of losing my friends because I’m not energetic . ",-0.7781553398058243,0.6787755048543715,2.0600097087378657,98.63875242718449,85.2135922330097,5.6733980582524275,19.037864077669894,6.742157984588678,-0.22060699029126202,339,9,93,4,10,119,60,103,0.25,0.635,0.114,-0.9298,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,20,20,10,0,2,5,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,0,5,2,0,1,8,6,0,1,1,4,14,3,12,19,0,8,0,4,1,0,2,4,0,1,5,54,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744966972787886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296581516248877,0.0,0.0,0.3601505419325088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450333629312863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142835843849314,0.29872524886155843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153018036107822,0.0,0.21846524278944704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187289384460371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097184332087829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22980338538249304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042861514281899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390051025030906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125088417593303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167406430792606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23215211669836466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211594215754998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765357796621854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24663471752928146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285897771599407,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lagoster,2018/02/10,"The thought of attempting suicide in the past makes me want to try again, and do it even more. On November 28 2017, I attempted suicide via overdose. It was an unsuccessful attempt by the end of it, and I hate the fact that it was. 

I was ready to die. I was ready to end it all. Without specifying how many drugs I had taken, I was honestly in the state of mind that it would work. I took the pills, and attempted to sleep. However, I couldn't sleep. I had a sense of regret in my stomach, and I was very uneasy while lying down. I was thinking about my life up until that point, and honestly, it put me at ease. My suicide attempt was justified, and I shut my eyes, ready to die within the next few days.

I was found out, and taken to the GP. They did not examine me or anything, I was let off free. It seemed the doctor only cared about my mental health, and not what I had done. This was about 36 hours after attempting the overdose. From all the research I did, I knew I was to die. I was experiencing symptoms of the first phase, but nothing after that. It was later that day I became worried, why was I not showing any other symptoms apart from the previously mentioned phase 1?

I stayed alive when I was ready to die. I survived, *somehow*.

This world let me live when I was ready to die. My plan worked perfectly up until the 'dying' part. Why is it me who somehow survives suicide attempt after suicide attempt? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being on this planet. I'm sick of everything. Everyday I get closer to trying again, and I have only been able to stick by through my personal coping method. Ashamedly, I'm addicted to it. This makes me only feel much more crappy about myself.

I hate waking up day after day, and seeing my mess ups apparent in my every day life. When I look over at everyone around me, they have problems, fears, and all of that as well. But I feel like an outcast for being the one among them who wants to die.

I am a horrible person. 

This bring me to today. Why I am writing all of this on this subreddit. I am going to try again, eventually. Before that... I just want to get my message out there. When I do, I want you all to know that I hope you get better. Because no matter how hard I try, I revert all the way back to square one.

Whoever has read all of this, thank you for your time. 

",2.172757214234732,4.062981179871522,3.755422147445703,87.94231441827269,77.67237687366169,6.588946670745388,23.75288059549301,7.536579438409214,1.0607857040889153,1789,59,371,25,42,594,217,467,0.196,0.6920000000000001,0.112,-0.9951,2,0,2,0,0,5,73.0,0,4,3,16,21,17,2,2,20,0,39,17,5,4,9,58,72,24,12,9,8,0,3,1,0,1,12,0,0,2,32,14,0,0,9,2,1,4,6,7,1,3,30,8,65,11,69,36,12,63,0,1,4,0,14,26,0,5,31,275,97,5,0.07082503187514373,0.0,0.0,0.07720973891125366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816345036892738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828296654943056,0.06304929414761368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446007774367216,0.0,0.04317428205690857,0.0,0.06026688561566269,0.0,0.0,0.0626389851583984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221084023764468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22838143175384884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5145364087915618,0.0,0.0,0.07249242123777506,0.0,0.07247859753411938,0.0,0.0,0.08213455151572366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545991251635955,0.0,0.0,0.046779265586748296,0.0,0.05967314401338567,0.06767635309676165,0.06365297182496073,0.0,0.0,0.0796978513904784,0.07162252834034544,0.05059741692311319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024373593201295,0.0,0.07765599179630593,0.0,0.0,0.11100946787811942,0.0,0.04025149777814424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344531710613027,0.13985011205013131,0.0,0.07528369695547625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034523735660288,0.06974838978077824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038923585283979455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484678727010988,0.10005162911689182,0.034601533063650235,0.0,0.06253980072048734,0.0,0.05947518903503449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945525174840882,0.07180546589307771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713749739048672,0.0,0.07151309224684403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206454766084409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532322489168364,0.0,0.0,0.06795852824587317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598574912965846,0.16159688471764158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766966076718087,0.06761050694422574,0.0,0.123683371969091,0.0,0.0,0.06695254779541601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776999037502746,0.0,0.0711987190395854,0.0,0.0,0.0708441981346208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643838065670082,0.06447644901696313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417523617322751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549006040855619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38735544751787065,0.0,0.0,0.14722865307727487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520617370750306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538182063614701,0.0,0.056227164076033655,0.04129864564621522,0.0,0.06713384886402655,0.0,0.07868921640416975,0.19234219026411875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843806869437554,0.16709775525304355,0.056217613668612436,0.0,0.0,0.0636802094001421,0.0,0.19172572541493596,0.0,0.0,0.0682728033304822,0.0,0.10312293345432624,0.07192625779806848,0.0,0.050312070574665295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clither911,2018/02/10,"Suicide watch Been almost 10 years since I tried killing myself. Now it’s covered up by a tattoo, for a girl who reminded me to be a good person. Every day I’d look at it and it gave me hope I was good hearted. After my past relationship I destroyed. I became an alcoholic, toxic to the woman who meant the most and her entire family. Toxic to my own family cause my issues became theirs. Mom, you said you wanted to stop being a mother when I was 18-19. You still support me, before yourself, and I have yet to repay for that. I’m An asshole scumbag peice of shit and I’ll die that way. They say drowning is the most euphoric death. Great Lakes here I come.",1.0682338308457702,3.397362888059704,3.2163880597014973,87.9139353233831,84.29850746268656,5.06587064676617,19.381094527363185,6.42735559955562,0.2554443781094529,513,14,100,5,15,174,95,134,0.195,0.6729999999999999,0.131,-0.8984,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,3,2,0,5,8,3,0,9,0,7,3,2,1,0,13,16,5,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,7,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,6,4,20,5,12,8,3,13,0,0,2,0,17,2,1,4,9,67,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186006208068966,0.1742856431137735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481034838238311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879699634586624,0.0,0.14992841373091634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224766416212167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063612005109034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664438735833338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281571530782277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919692779928427,0.0,0.1918904196994534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624974433980964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287063395589794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166267768204053,0.0,0.0,0.19256021647999408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615792084136334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384491675369215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615014230854502,0.0,0.1519734933419268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686425223002548,0.0,0.0,0.1655611311709755,0.1384113152178016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865952613018396,0.1439757186733182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899632321706712,0.14551335097115695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038213330415185,0.1975095482998891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816832815158287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026590284171162,0.13815255843285004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208230678150212
suicidewatch,iwanttodieiwanttodi3,2018/02/10,"Suicidal over feelings of extreme jealousy and inferiority. I've never had a girlfriend or any kind of romantic experience really, not even flirting or anything small like that. I'm 20 now. I know how pathetic it is, but this has warped my view of the world to an unbearable state. It's gotten to the point where I can't watch an anime about high school love for example, even if it's not even in the center of the story. When I see happy young couples, I just want to die, knowing it's something I missed and can't return.

I know this might sound like a minor thing to worry about to some, but to me the pain I feel is very real.",3.9691579861111097,4.949199335937505,5.35197916666667,82.02288194444445,71.265625,8.188888888888886,26.722222222222214,8.515128840125781,1.753346180555556,497,16,101,8,9,167,88,128,0.184,0.682,0.134,-0.7331,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,9,0,7,2,0,1,1,21,18,9,2,2,8,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,6,9,6,15,15,1,14,0,2,3,1,2,8,0,5,7,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272256395320572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539567376564167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700831125649669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194166866515703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707077837359609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300707730657284,0.0,0.0,0.1891937123109868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915769062473004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976677867951522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948224188505029,0.3084545226329768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182802608164161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885340686506375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984698417963836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429310058493755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990738588281672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685777589281398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294607175399635,0.11985278317038893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934212741317666,0.14908419181352678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402878534801553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464291556852934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429235224716575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543664460438405,0.11034881540668724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999602556320488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReturnToIthaka,2018/02/10,"I don't know where to post this, my online friend wants to kill himself I'm writing this in a hurry because we're having this talk right now over snapchat.

So, my online friend just confessed his love to me, and like two minutes later told me he was planning to kill himself.

He's given himself two days and said if he can't find anything that makes him smile, he's ending it.

From what he's told me he hates himself, he might be doing self harm?, he's on pills, he's taking therapy, but none of it helps

i told him to call a suicide hotline but he said they'd only say the same shit everyone else tells him

Please help. I don't know what to do, I'm literally in another country.",6.458279678068411,4.8936278661971855,6.780583501006039,82.58021126760563,66.11267605633803,9.241046277665996,32.961770623742446,7.447530270364453,2.057686921529175,535,18,115,4,7,174,91,142,0.14300000000000002,0.745,0.112,-0.8306,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,4,0,3,0,10,3,1,1,0,15,25,6,3,2,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,3,17,4,12,15,2,11,1,0,0,1,36,6,1,2,5,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228748196300956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951282918990858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853153678250206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829720131070262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366205139951364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132195691075508,0.0,0.12863165674684626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877454952450835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327386036259218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244103909355653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338565401832842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469070363352287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213534112817083,0.0,0.1596304400723242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095258452978331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107674714330644,0.0,0.09694289378671032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406725722452175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045480366035314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594201468995399,0.0,0.0,0.13909125797064248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402657456890336,0.27629608675153783,0.11549360796924915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150772165143284,0.0,0.14907764757803174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885926257964705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919572062464164,0.11673126511022948,0.12693839162221285,0.0,0.16608443151359598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41632364857352505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837393834906469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856610715955795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aud1120,2018/02/10,"Don't want to do this anymore. My anxiety is so bad I don't even feel like myself at all anymore. It's been terrible for months now. My boyfriend was always there for me and supported me through panic attacks and said he would be there. Now he broke up with me and says he doesn't love me anymore, that not being able to calm me down hurt him too much. He didn't tell me this throughout our relationship at all. I tell him I am going to therapy now, that I have accepted this is a part of my life and now he says it's too late. My mental health has spiralled severely downhill since then.

I feel like a failure. I feel like I am not a good person. I don't even know why I am posting this here - no one cares. I am a burden to my family and my friends, and I often have thoughts of suicide. I was prescribed Cipralex last week by my doctor and I'm too scared to take it in fear of it making things worse. I feel so unloveable and like a terrible person, and like I don't even deserve to get better. I can't tell the difference between illness and my own personality. I honestly wish I would just pass away in my sleep.

How do you get over the fear of other people? I feel better when i talk to others about my feelings and whats going on. Now i feel as if this is a mistake, and I would make everyone happier if I just shut up and went away.",2.4161121856866536,3.6589275035461033,3.970793036750487,89.42454545454548,75.38297872340425,7.113088330109607,25.229529335912318,7.686295010490155,1.1367815602836877,1044,35,233,14,22,348,146,282,0.243,0.667,0.09,-0.992,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,1,0,2,22,28,1,4,8,0,27,6,1,3,2,42,51,21,1,8,6,0,7,5,1,3,4,3,0,3,15,14,0,0,10,0,0,4,10,13,0,1,7,10,43,15,30,39,5,28,0,2,0,1,22,12,0,3,16,169,58,1,0.0942117051090982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839168579311058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207169653968347,0.0,0.2802980880836537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717941540494637,0.17702999641937134,0.0,0.07866283854054562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664519427197882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605511223972717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843117989972884,0.0,0.09642967227092313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866778280784208,0.0,0.0,0.0900233215856689,0.0,0.0,0.08881441094982302,0.21202872132172254,0.3334538819371673,0.20191458286298564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278772966505022,0.0,0.09844345494954593,0.0,0.10708536624619347,0.07902030840143798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014263699302642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085557885212132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177628927901793,0.07679511393269309,0.1062749069360946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654451348968311,0.23013540149633094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850297421315091,0.0,0.1257740894524051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494323992044493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751988841859865,0.0,0.06925644339291133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638402896000173,0.0,0.0,0.1105371368996828,0.0,0.10202209576951184,0.0,0.06531453396270208,0.2467860809591889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022877097385223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114811354078618,0.0,0.0,0.08961690582214009,0.14984185856742702,0.09432235217904746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064324104775775,0.0,0.07793289602314372,0.0,0.09427974367581053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305231421085707,0.10691032649858828,0.0,0.0,0.07083547745067557,0.07572379989073065,0.2470355484430357,0.0,0.10773929542376892,0.0,0.06259007062226983,0.0,0.0,0.07479357030704356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555685046144572,0.0,0.0755709470760695,0.0,0.0,0.08733519450281789,0.08501141016762973,0.0,0.1083388113860388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600977623731252,0.20077587673089425,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ivebeenfeelinglow,2018/02/10,"Help I don’t want to go into too much detail. My roommate told me about this subreddit and this is like my last resource because I think ran out of options, I don’t know what to do. 

I tried to kill myself two months ago or so and I’ve been seeing a therapist since I was discharged from hospital but it’s not working for me. I’m not feeling any better. I keep messing things up and pushing people away. 

I just ruined my 4-year relationship and this was the only thing making me feel something, I still thought that my life was going nowhere but at least I had someone who cared. I stepped out of the classroom because I can’t focus, I’m having the same thoughts I had before.",2.7057785888077848,4.611989985401461,3.6770985401459884,89.03394464720196,76.15328467153284,5.734549878345499,26.74513381995133,6.42735559955562,1.0329907542579075,536,21,107,4,12,172,96,137,0.09,0.8440000000000001,0.065,-0.6386,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,24,29,8,1,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,6,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,10,3,20,3,14,19,3,15,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,2,5,76,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634463279248363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538823834819945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323593668109466,0.0,0.0,0.22479897630243656,0.0,0.15689819894954254,0.0,0.0,0.16307369884774106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879929693094201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646136408104488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958068238956906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358949269100244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389001096688074,0.2039948715249848,0.0,0.1013332672715403,0.15029852300449714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023669839617713,0.09008128034359313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307853266224765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717448345276068,0.0,0.13554431548369353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023323039977767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782946052954616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979606682164111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693110795762976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252531789988047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622895607799564,0.14194871200995732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472502348378734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140853937042985,0.2449946275883968,0.11814657170557614,0.0,0.2927624577062059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618793146323827,0.0,0.1251854269810132,0.0,0.18011751874951254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875515044409564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423459968182233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873800409074592
suicidewatch,throwaway33345311111,2018/02/10,"Just gambled a lot of money away and I don't know what I'm supposed to do... Just lost about $650 on roulette and I just don't know what to do honestly...

I've been struggling with depression for a long time now and now this, i just want to die...

What the fuck should I do? I have no friends, its my birthday and I legit just feel like I'm gonna do some self harm soon, help..

Fuck this...",-0.3613071895424831,1.4729668823529425,1.28156862745098,102.69594771241829,86.05882352941177,4.718954248366012,18.8562091503268,5.82211442006289,-0.5821241830065356,295,8,77,2,9,95,54,85,0.243,0.679,0.078,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,2,1,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,17,19,4,1,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,7,3,9,15,2,7,0,2,0,2,3,2,2,2,6,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302369847145644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227872503241433,0.0,0.2684527872211043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307884818506988,0.18478988380568287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984345731597644,0.4782621000369352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337728061164004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843103557186332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637034977589146,0.0,0.0,0.2289098354299521,0.0,0.0,0.2823627249533834,0.21990720481981385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698433595580037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704121706440142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508292793265111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256695230273268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idragoon,2018/02/10,"Life is a Disappointment Why?

Why is life such a disappointment?

I get my hopes up just to be let down. I’m tired of it. I just don’t want to deal with anything anymore. I want to fall asleep only to never wake up. 

I’m hating things I used to love. I dread doing them now. 

I’m a worthless piece of shit. I want to die. Is there a number in the US where you can text people instead of calling them? I have social anxiety and my parents are my only friends. My siblings don’t even like me. They just use me. 

I can’t do this anymore guys. ",-0.9621630434782596,1.147910191304348,1.475733695652174,97.28403532608698,94.91304347826087,3.9184782608695663,17.622282608695652,5.602791699666715,-0.5448152173913039,412,12,96,3,16,139,72,115,0.225,0.634,0.141,-0.9279,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,1,3,0,9,10,2,1,5,0,13,7,3,2,1,12,25,1,1,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,19,4,14,23,1,8,0,3,0,1,12,5,1,1,3,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746871545237362,0.0,0.3304971664533774,0.0,0.0,0.13711930338679784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014415168453118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178446888059135,0.0,0.0,0.17293186308511588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005514458089302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287351185911091,0.0,0.08705540003628823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649863012916472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645090416478379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549758040774568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038675057358774,0.2353862629073143,0.08140522678747089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503868026581304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851252720022266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534537226889112,0.0,0.0,0.18501886277557966,0.0,0.0,0.11551774336284587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710395722785575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985459843440548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106991549435936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151249830027964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004310045542685,0.2878233654748818,0.0,0.0,0.2948416469805469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007087601135081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressed-watermelon,2018/02/10,"When no one even cares that you're going to kill yourself It is pretty much all I talk about anymore to my family, seeing as I'm so miserable, it's on my mind alot. And they don't even care. I might as well have said ""the weather's nice today"" . Lol. I suppose it helps me go through with it so I can't be too mad. I don't blame them. I just think it's sad that no one will care that I die. Thought it's what I deserve.",-1.1969760765550248,0.6410074842105296,1.1929186602870807,101.89224880382777,89.94736842105263,4.296650717703351,17.057416267942585,5.565023196281405,-0.8227894736842103,321,8,84,2,11,108,66,95,0.234,0.5710000000000001,0.195,-0.7437,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,9,9,2,1,2,1,8,0,0,0,1,9,18,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,4,1,2,2,2,13,5,8,13,3,5,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,2,2,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909553704945226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832088917747523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788758780572088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518743127864588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974873304817532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167267530674477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780352253260502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095048285910875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227301882163864,0.19252451635336304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016596881255666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584087661069958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398212379391794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181372877542678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194101664898774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153255051138517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217501431837267,0.0,0.15137238832148664,0.0,0.0,0.1807349029024385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714371610966703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway051504007,2018/02/10,"26 today, will be 29 tomorrow And i was only 20 two days ago!

I know that, at some point, I'll make up something to stop all feelings. 
As far as I know, there will be no hapiness to be found after the second week of march for myself. I won't be able to stand up, and everything asks me to stand up.
So I decided to live 3 years a day. When time will come, i will feel like i lived a not-so empty nice life. At least. I'll be aged 90 years or more!
I wonder if I'm making this to feel like a redemption before going. But I think, it is more of a way to make me accept my fate.",0.27968287526427105,1.4580739379844978,2.8875123326286136,95.24809725158563,80.93798449612403,6.241296687808315,17.153629316420012,6.980632752743323,-0.274122480620155,434,7,111,5,11,152,86,129,0.052000000000000005,0.857,0.091,0.6988,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,3,1,22,27,9,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,10,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,13,4,18,15,5,26,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,16,67,16,0,0.17752466105211867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573649007975798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596159401602378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106041124624078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292177638865553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289774402596684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954771849741975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692854079415785,0.2536473066534761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946466278562101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008913559333384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951258220865478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253909181290606,0.1734591645461429,0.0,0.3135150562231648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35549726926162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501550429773762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781818573566132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666715714814695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484185656676941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137506346705572,0.0,0.0,0.10351605747499756,0.0,0.1682726212636285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341579850578126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091081285036308,0.14239957497352687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925179222159838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286401226858468
suicidewatch,Throwawayme888,2018/02/10,i really feel suicidal right now what should i do? i just want to chock my self right now..........,0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.73684210526315,8.010526315789475,14.76315789473684,8.841846274778883,0.5070842105263167,70,1,17,2,2,23,15,19,0.238,0.6970000000000001,0.065,-0.6682,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280490340997454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569507391908797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6850632416191033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184279509678517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438731141943992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365753129593695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShatteredLeg,2018/02/10,"Need some support, please. I haven't been particularly mentally healthy lately, and although I haven't been actively been actively making plans to hurt myself I've found myself back in the mental daydream that suicide will be the ultimate release.

That was before last week when I completely destroyed my leg in an accident and have now lost anything I even remotely cared about before.

https://imgur.com/gallery/ZsqpN

I am not in a good place, and would love some reminders that this is going to pass. I know logically it will, but it's so overwhelming, especially when I'm lying in bed 24 hours a day and can't escape my bad thoughts with my normal healthy exercise. ",10.09725490196078,9.685540252100843,8.90298319327731,66.55794817927172,58.24369747899159,12.303081232492998,40.00140056022408,11.538034831475384,4.780124929971988,546,24,87,13,6,169,85,119,0.174,0.687,0.138,-0.3823,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,1,5,0,14,3,1,1,0,17,25,9,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,7,0,11,4,8,14,2,16,0,3,0,1,1,5,0,2,9,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527603891345937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427405494428263,0.15499605181187592,0.0,0.0,0.31592053197122744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926552142954284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463298350492705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971812161017892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260904407467905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353733222168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549968246082048,0.1557004049487322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281140777874666,0.0,0.19872428729129488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020192070946042,0.1513159158612794,0.20940244831463656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264067582064554,0.0,0.16754130109572346,0.0,0.12391166939207475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741494104948064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764473999436552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818812205766326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939472887414142,0.20376961905545893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305270098442765,0.21065446928486614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473721049683506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890383624330567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186857042759953,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wowchuckwtf,2018/02/10,"One step forward, two steps back I have a long history of being physically and emotionally abused. During all of that mess, I self harmed quite a bit. However, eventually I needed to cut off my parents and ex gf who were the abusers in the situation.

Afterwards, I began to rebuild a relationship with my brother. We got along really well and life was looking up. I thought I was out of the whole depressed, suicidal phase of my life, but I always had the thought stuck in the back of my head. It was as if I just ignored it hoping it would go away.

It's all been slowly coming back and it's frightening. This morning, all of my future plans to get my life back on track just fell apart. My relationship with my brother is screwed and I'm completely alone again. I'm back in square one and I have no idea how to get it all back together. It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to think that all the potential happiness I can experience in life does not come close to the pain I feel. 

I feel like I'm permanently fucked in the head and just about every other which way. I don't see the value in being alive like usual, but hopes of discovering something to strive for has died down again. Once I get to picking myself up, it all comes crashing back down. Why try
",4.653550420168067,5.512638019841268,5.5499066293183965,81.67483193277312,69.59523809523809,8.9452847805789,28.7124183006536,9.168548406835145,2.2166687208216618,999,35,204,19,17,328,145,252,0.188,0.727,0.086,-0.979,2,1,1,0,2,0,24.0,1,0,0,2,16,14,3,0,13,0,15,9,2,2,6,42,42,12,2,5,7,4,2,2,1,1,5,0,0,1,14,16,0,1,6,0,0,8,3,8,1,3,12,5,24,6,36,27,8,42,0,1,3,2,10,19,2,3,18,139,38,0,0.0,0.2298455776773627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045719596576408,0.0,0.0,0.08070731134486428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911296580360954,0.5220802423534121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589302652010668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506568840448125,0.1016970356304902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354134211822856,0.0,0.10066512382194387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488066392625908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910591594128814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172216834066474,0.0,0.0,0.09487937065651887,0.0,0.0,0.09808680964925837,0.06929299087150363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966998260276611,0.15202708976266285,0.0,0.05512428969138145,0.0,0.07757547499273808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325259889389762,0.0,0.0,0.19908896912817653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926751279580904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949514339855287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740407334868857,0.09477336435426964,0.0,0.0,0.08583720499291353,0.08145106966919104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719202972460328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329612704371917,0.13145215789064488,0.0,0.10320913659606767,0.0,0.10770107022747973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169128713154516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031657399512806,0.0,0.0,0.06213725067904957,0.0,0.0,0.20827189028761384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729217089461238,0.0,0.1011865642507298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902604033824892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467121332881786,0.0,0.0,0.06865330608949861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609639432649333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215024944556528,0.0,0.1540058210074892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585299430615946,0.0,0.09474967033063847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682589370118444,0.0,0.0,0.07698983125317213,0.0,0.0,0.08720983079758345,0.0,0.08752257690148861,0.10829105273669223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890221001507646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dan54352,2018/02/10,"need someone to talk to I go through days where i feel absolutely fine and others where i feel utterly appalling. Today i absolutely the latter. I have nobody to talk this through with, i am just so lost rn",1.881,4.6081751,3.4600000000000013,84.50500000000002,85.5,6.2,25.5,7.554174236665415,1.64935,164,7,31,3,5,54,28,40,0.149,0.797,0.054000000000000006,-0.5706,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,1,6,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23235897425095864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643496121952659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476263468465444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39330202430442107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671524591763337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30527482109348925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.579179221867235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415153355456887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ezzhil,2018/02/10,"I am a failure and I want to die I don't know what to do I'm crying right now and I just want to die, I want to end all these things. But I don't know I don't have guts to do it I guess. My head is paining so much coz of crying. I just want to stop being a failure..I don't know if I'm good at anything. I don't feel like that this world is for me I'm just so dumb nobody likes me at all. And I don't know I just want to die. I used believe in God so much but now I have realised he doesn't exists. Everything I ever believed in was a lie. I just hope my mother will be fine after my death. I'm just tired of being a failure I want to end everything but I don't have guts to do it I wish I am able to do it. ",-2.4523255813953497,-0.9179287906976724,1.0046976744186047,103.17693023255814,92.72093023255816,3.905116279069768,14.413953488372092,4.935628992294339,-1.3667893023255813,536,10,153,2,20,193,73,172,0.209,0.6579999999999999,0.134,-0.9481,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,12,7,1,0,4,0,24,5,3,2,3,33,43,10,4,9,10,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,1,25,5,18,38,4,13,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,3,9,102,33,0,0.12904659256808962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061943502012536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907826379535908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835032447497732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017899677687001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285939559147422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673003103469007,0.0,0.0,0.2319575128557505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065249834618689,0.09219091151537162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082381592719988,0.0,0.0,0.1421593705552398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324390339177172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817238402753162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28368252966187835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260912934671967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897281876575843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731467295372507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020508495454596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788872971083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573282197840182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483200746363697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111454822604816,0.0,0.0,0.4566901426714983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483972128097606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slothman899,2018/02/10,"I'm gonna kill myself today. It's been a long time coming, but it's finally happening. I just wanted to stop by and thank everyone here for occasionally keeping me from doing it, but I'm afraid it was only delaying the inevitable. Hopefully everything turns out better for anyone reading this.",5.8264545454545456,7.491112690909091,7.365227272727274,66.74784090909091,67.54545454545455,10.590909090909092,31.931818181818183,10.686352973137794,4.045090909090908,238,10,37,7,4,82,46,55,0.095,0.725,0.18,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,3,6,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820910027972353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254093623566466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954555991178348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353657007035645,0.22905824152303125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27919460378511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253782587632113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531406768050557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265377134982435,0.2819728395159893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22554948733898636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383802090084534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25493621085672635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308042497494156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346475122474799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861513732647597,0.0,0.24158434282932806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27722237032580466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503273016300038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LadenBin,2018/02/10,"I don't know. Do we all matter in the long run? Are we just meant to…. die? Idk but I wanna die. My depression has peaked to the point where cutting myself doesn’t give me pain. To be honest I kinda like it. It feels nice and the pain gives me warmth. Like a hug. A nice….. warm….. hug. Its kinda like a drug. You know it isn’t good for u. but it feels nice, nice on the inside but in my case on the outside too.

Idk where im going with my depression. Guess im just, waiting, allowing it to fuel itself to help me not be afraid of death. But I feel im close. The next trigger is probably the one. Idek who I should go to for help. I don’t want to go to my friends because I don’t want to be known as the kid who wanted to kill himself. I know they wont say it infront of me, but I would know, that more people would get to know and I would be called out for giving up.

Guess im just, waiting, for the next trigger now, by finding new spots to cut myself. Im tired of screaming for help, mom just says the problem is there but now what can we do about it. Fuck my dad, coz he is the problem. I don’t want to stay here. I might just, run away, but I guess im too scared to do that aswell. Idk what I should do to solve this. I just, don’t fucking know.
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suicidewatch,suicidaldoctor,2018/02/10,"I am in my mid 20s, a doctor and feel depressed/suicidal. This might be a long post, but I needed to get this off of my chest.

I am a youngs man in my mid 20s, recently graduated and became a doctor. All of my life I have been told that ""doctors"" make a ton of money, have a great lifestyle, a great deal of respect. That when I finally graduated I only had positive things waiting for me.

Doctors work is only paperwork, barely any respect (not the one you think it is) and is just a neverending job that has gotten me to the edge of life.

I feel depressed almost every single day now, I hate my life, I hate my surroundings, I hate most of my patients, I hate the way the superiors at the hospital look down on me.

This work is 99% paperwork (not at all what I thought medicine would be) and comes with never ending work with patients. I have to follow up patients and ""remember"" about them, I have several cases every weekend that I need to remember about for monday to contact and to follow up on the lab values and other things.

My superiors (specialists) look down at me because I start working, they are all those ""stiff"" nerdy type of people who has done nothing but had their nose in their books, many of them depressed.

I was told by my parents to just finish the degree since I started it, i agreed. now they are pushing me to get my specialist degree which would mean another 5-8 years of hard work, studying. I feel i am missing out on life. That this is not for me.

I am tired of this endless memorizing hierarchy. Medicine never ends, and i will waste my entire life studying for something i am tired of.

I feel suicidal at some points because I hate this constant pressure of having to continue doing this which I dont even love anymore.

In the future if i ever have kids I will never give them a falsified glorified image of what medicine is, its a garbage job full of lies, endless hours of working overtime and ungrateful patients.

I have been to surgeries, the ER and several other places. I realised this isnt for me.

I have other dreams I want to pursue but my family, mom and dad and the rest dont seem to understand where i am mentally, they put down so much money for me to go to medicine and now I hate it.

People look at me (friends and family) telling me I dont know what I am missing, that they would switch places with me in a heartbeat, but I truly dont believe they know what this profession is all about. The constant responsibility and in the end getting nothing for it. 

4-5 years ago I was constantly hitting the gym, meeting friends and girls and now I have none of that. I dont feel I even have the energy for a social life in this work.

I am just over all very depressed, I think how my life would of been if I had not chosen medicine, I wonder what I could have done. I feel at some times I just want to pack a suitcase and get the hell away from my city and current life and try something new. 

I dont know if this is a cry for help or what it is. I am just sick and tired of everything and I dont ever think my family will truly understand what I am going through.

Sorry for the misspellings and everything, I just arrived from gym (only went for 20 min then left because of depression) and needed to get this off of my chest. Before i could train for 2 hours+ straight and keep going because I had motivation. I have lost all of my motivation, my willing to continue.

Please help me, I need some advice or some comfort. Just something to keep me going.

Thanks for reading,

Yours sincerely,
A depressed doctor.",5.366312576717647,5.660442055634808,6.069190856915372,80.58571442789372,67.81597717546362,9.031629233984672,31.708887635603624,8.907891778443368,2.5072395647413988,2775,108,548,44,43,909,270,701,0.147,0.731,0.122,-0.9772,4,0,3,0,0,1,87.0,0,2,10,10,23,28,7,1,31,0,68,22,3,4,11,109,130,38,1,15,20,3,7,0,2,9,18,0,0,3,41,30,0,4,23,6,2,10,16,16,1,1,17,11,101,12,88,99,17,87,1,8,3,1,32,36,1,14,39,408,142,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046754354375882184,0.04241240792126921,0.0,0.047910649561982536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03253677938729068,0.05017048485646674,0.0,0.0,0.04745016929871559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495269674409914,0.0,0.0,0.11666540330728227,0.0,0.04071324513953357,0.05390582342932376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041214913410605486,0.0,0.15511291146570913,0.0,0.07640194362286963,0.0,0.0525563560488805,0.030856577775094512,0.0493269108400896,0.20604755349505927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448609785010053,0.0,0.09792571421707266,0.3925243847200312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713151147474014,0.0,0.0,0.06320338898632794,0.08655851650757447,0.0806242869743468,0.0,0.08600142580110172,0.0,0.13531426411404446,0.0,0.14515362080079885,0.0,0.0,0.05241272665380094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393108070958387,0.0,0.1249872582696412,0.04589804361878135,0.10876746521967808,0.0,0.0,0.10550030958683948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286043192558825,0.28342688542089645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641400519099336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942369350008211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495913203168248,0.08505507694911517,0.0,0.0,0.07888438832639875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198459320288862,0.0,0.2703591839022837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04234202046362516,0.12053524549180406,0.0,0.05222933412050648,0.0,0.04318269547056745,0.0,0.03193743781153065,0.048508123580613925,0.0,0.052118094163064586,0.0,0.0,0.04821730507111948,0.050756824499453936,0.0,0.05603641353982433,0.0,0.0,0.035172162462697165,0.14190819461062054,0.11070487359563938,0.046209764237375335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181865601752903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03242154704275891,0.1091666429098577,0.0,0.0,0.0531270900526498,0.0,0.0,0.06634049590674305,0.0,0.09997733874917944,0.05252031199637156,0.045229738740684006,0.0,0.045823043113799984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809823624146373,0.0,0.0,0.04785873993493547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724194762238962,0.0,0.10839991112956572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043557012242093324,0.0,0.10810425280940672,0.0,0.0395785337194352,0.0,0.0,0.04877275976896975,0.0,0.11050208507162657,0.0,0.05355944715736325,0.06773099593764871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467106192612163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041819331257531664,0.04404997715817987,0.0,0.0,0.0635732366442452,0.09197295510941164,0.0,0.037984214567301264,0.0278992661881986,0.1649750991456717,0.0,0.09143740963651227,0.0,0.03248415221269837,0.0,0.0,0.09961831407220746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039477789368573005,0.05644137574378739,0.037977762797402254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435352870111106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051886720658772575,0.2438261458544541,0.0,0.0,0.13595311201888385,0.0,0.0,0.06162224296124814
suicidewatch,Throwaway19359768,2018/02/10,I'm going to kill myself tomorrow I've decided to finally end it all tomorrow night. I'm a failure I have no friends and i'm on the verge of being kicked out of college. I don't the point of living anymore.,0.2353333333333332,2.340510755555556,3.6533333333333333,84.90000000000002,85.8888888888889,7.1555555555555586,26.777777777777786,8.238735603445708,2.1849111111111115,164,8,34,4,5,60,33,45,0.22,0.713,0.067,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581882491238858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198935794232104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956492267445284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790426751535252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526390371453432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995862900105465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318923874688375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389379867129058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414268308689664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sos43,2018/02/10,"Bad at Everything -- Too Late to Fix It Hi everyone, 

I'm 21 years old and approaching my final year of college. While everyone made lots of friends and memories, I had to spend my time alone. I made just one really good friend, but I'll lose him because he is an international student and will have to go back. He's really into basketball so I thought I'd try to learn it as a way to make friends like he did. But of course I suck at it, like everything else. So it's just too late. Soon I'll be getting a job and will be doomed to spend the rest of my life alone. I don't want to hurt the few people that care about me by comitting suicide, but it's becoming pretty obvious it might be the alone way out. 

I really hope someone can give me some advice or a personal story. I dont want to do this. I hope you all have a good day. ",2.0632711038961027,3.3271634602272755,3.99581168831169,88.80568181818184,76.32954545454545,8.21038961038961,24.50324675324676,8.841846274778883,1.5453519480519478,643,21,149,14,14,219,107,176,0.149,0.647,0.204,0.9232,1,3,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,1,9,15,1,0,8,0,15,1,0,3,2,26,29,12,1,4,6,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,5,0,1,5,0,15,10,19,18,5,19,1,3,0,0,11,4,1,6,13,88,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115974051075501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36875428849061614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125863980138876,0.0990939779771756,0.07234705527707003,0.1310742374034662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100355585277395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653965870502852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909366960751218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914304712125482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268102502312928,0.2133263068555566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000962838853208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750787721721743,0.0,0.06200611202034888,0.11384997453105525,0.06744935169742525,0.1990885873370977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357547379158976,0.0,0.0,0.12705085012278128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777293661024693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677554861441616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382815413976774,0.11596343498787605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277408392304685,0.0,0.10089864788185096,0.0,0.22459834417654093,0.07922072913674373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590216752017422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453612259047675,0.0,0.08042156079099386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227871139881945,0.10362798548575282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074160947465107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280909539892481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055833088890437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981814468396144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421974271905162,0.0692040552173295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057685274771254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400026816894321,0.18840747824211976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285380897615866
suicidewatch,temporary_accountxx,2018/02/10,i dont want to continue living i feel that i dont want to live anymore and just want to die and be in grave. i dont see the point of continuing my life anymore. should i end up my life? im always sad,-1.297234042553189,0.31750778723404594,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,88.14893617021276,5.4621276595744686,17.910638297872342,6.742157984588678,-0.2286391489361703,154,4,41,2,5,56,30,47,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.8825,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,10,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,6,8,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151798042041517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618470549829548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933561833998985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6414268516655562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615806072719733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224310292802156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705787031583705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577142398238096,0.0,0.0,0.32218160451106176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245721145833695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537468801068035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228093686584909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThinCrustIsSatansTP,2018/02/10,"Everything is overwhelming I'm writing this mainly as a way to get my thoughts out, which I feel is easier to do with a bunch of strangers than with people I know, especially when some of the thoughts are seen as taboo and make you out to be a bad person, so here goes...

I'm a lazy person by nature. Though I was a very average student, by high school I found I couldn't do ""the routine"" anymore and dropped out in 7th grade. Getting up, dressed, going to school, feeling bored and overwhelmed by all the people and all the monotony did me in, and though I managed to get my GED, the very same overwhelming and monotonous feeling has followed me into adulthood. 

I'm not a single person, you think that would make me happy...I am a mother, you think that would make me happy, and for a time- it did. Then the years started going by, we settled in to our family roles (traditional), and the fear of waking up and needing to do everything all over again day after day makes me wish I wouldn't wake up. It's kind of like middle/high school all over again, but I'm responsible for the lives of tiny people. 

I honestly never wanted this, but shit happens, so here I am. Overwhelmed, depressed, friendless, trapped, and thinking about how much I wish we owned a gun so I wouldn't have to do it every day. I don't hate my family, but I am too tired, too lazy, too overwhelmed by them constantly that it feels like somebody siphoning all the air from your lungs. I don't want to deal with the responsibility of adulthood, motherhood, being in a relationship... I miss being a dumb kid, I hate myself as an adult, and often wonder if this will all be worth it in the end.

Call me a bad mom if you like, it's nothing that hasn't already been said to my face.

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suicidewatch,PureSmoulder,2018/02/10,"it's not even despair, or misery I just imagine what I'm going to face in the future, and, I don't want to go. This thing called life. I look at it, and I just don't like it. I just want to alt-f4 and shut the whole thing down.

I'm not afraid to live. Life presently is fine. It should continue to be relatively fine. I'm just so prone to stress and dislike having to handle day after day with no respite. I'd really rather just quit.",0.055638297872338434,2.006401159574473,2.010042553191493,97.39400000000002,85.27659574468086,5.036595744680851,16.846808510638294,6.2581,-0.5376817021276592,335,7,81,3,10,111,59,94,0.174,0.7659999999999999,0.06,-0.861,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,2,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,18,14,6,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,12,12,1,12,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,7,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601093096335741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285614470545452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682477322619715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28953952724041904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598487384718904,0.12444892833879675,0.0,0.22493255324466546,0.0,0.21391027745915067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270938271859238,0.0,0.0,0.16318750124815035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29179403608090043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384645370918854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004944395210284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843985871681116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gilsworth,2018/02/10,"Darkest place I've ever been I don't want to kill myself, I'm afraid. But I want to die. I hate everything about myself and my life. I don't want a permanent solution to what may be a temporary problem but I can't go on like this.    


Fiancèe left me for her ex. Parents are narcissist psycopaths. Friends unresponsive. Suicide hotline felt exceedungly superficial where I was all too aware of talking to an indifferent stranger.    

I have a privileged life, an accomplished one even. But why do I feel so fucking miserable? Why do my eyes leak like faucets and my heart actually feel like it'll rip into pieces.    


She left me two months ago but this wave has been insurmountable. I am in a blithering frenzy of grief and anger, anchored only by the next word I'm typing.    


I can't even attwend work. I work with autistic deaf people and it is very emotionally demanding. I also work with a psycopath. It doesn't help that most people don't follow the same moral code as me. It is very alienating and frustrating.    


I can't afford medication or therapy. My nation's health system is completely overburdened and they don't have any capacity for more. The suicide hotline is a joke.    


I had a taste of real love, not just teenage romance. I invested my life into things that mean nothing to me now. I feel embarrassed for complaining when I ""have it so good"" and while there is a global mental health crisis.    


I just miss having someone in my life who genuinely cared about me. I miss feeling loved. I miss having a reason to get up. I miss having a purpose.    


I miss wanting to live.",2.7726000000000006,5.4054021100000025,4.192916666666665,81.699375,79.56666666666666,7.616666666666666,27.04166666666667,8.567472430010655,2.3691666666666658,1243,53,228,29,32,410,176,300,0.266,0.621,0.112,-0.9927,3,0,0,0,0,4,35.0,0,0,1,4,15,27,5,3,15,0,31,14,2,1,2,38,56,18,5,5,8,2,5,3,1,2,8,1,0,0,12,11,1,0,7,1,1,2,9,16,0,2,5,8,38,11,25,48,5,22,1,7,1,3,12,12,1,3,10,154,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.1051944553136772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955556574125344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620533112413056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733057493507697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990636497845956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302324670847305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187640872843116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212572694802224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239798401684262,0.0975086814793546,0.0,0.0,0.0968811154992028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180218846518943,0.07701029586441421,0.10350215590175976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328380026827792,0.0996567156871814,0.05631955466577707,0.0,0.06126359686683337,0.09041512370735576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642735499736887,0.0,0.22916663058582895,0.0,0.127740125791944,0.07225414833914925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926156007811665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234243808465027,0.0,0.3045612218393223,0.15799270757101302,0.0,0.0951868464768636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458224876998972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742268347708032,0.0,0.10859427420380896,0.1086341594489142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604264592072082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464347761437975,0.0,0.0,0.10343425978993302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304612951363708,0.08198457984382755,0.0,0.0,0.11969596316765665,0.0,0.0,0.14946592306689946,0.0,0.11262506420606455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314730132251684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269674114938255,0.0,0.11083340992401963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133616395329483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582514232592866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866432550469124,0.0,0.0,0.12327542021724315,0.0,0.07161562758544839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053021388375214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788785410675953,0.2543261761735918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454029786355864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354327977194492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HighYou_CantSustain,2018/02/10,"My mum called mental health services Because I bought some equipment to kill myself. I went into my sisters amazon account and ordered them last night so it'll arrive today. My sister saw the email and called my mother to tell her.

I don't want to die as such. I just want to give up and stop hurting. It was a cry for help. My mum called me an attention seeker and I guess I am. 

I'm so frightened they'll admit me to hospital. A nurse is arriving shortly to assess me. Mum wants me to leave her house and has said for days she wants me out. She says I obviously need help and I'm letting my mental illnesd consume me and she doesn't want me around anymore. That I'm lazy, dirty and disgusting. 

I've been crying for days and I'm so god damn depressed. I feel completely ruined. All my family are going to find out and I feel sick with guilt and shame.

I just see no way out anymore. I'm better off dead for everyone. I wish i had the guts to end it. Last night I had an episode of calmness when I made up my mind about killing myself. Right now I just feel hopeless",0.7857013574660598,3.067945253393664,2.3806769230769262,93.73932307692309,85.15384615384616,4.983963800904977,20.604705882352945,6.360717304075467,0.1808308054298644,835,26,179,8,25,272,129,221,0.261,0.6459999999999999,0.093,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,2,1,11,12,4,2,6,0,13,3,1,1,2,40,38,16,4,7,3,6,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,17,0,1,6,0,2,2,3,10,0,0,9,7,39,2,25,26,2,25,0,4,2,0,24,10,1,2,11,108,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933824083334306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293093427746992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048404346085453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226108557934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541987441600328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123081328311795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254017686743793,0.14913736599184188,0.0,0.09958780789397556,0.0,0.12000069377165977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240960017287752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048482535637193,0.0,0.0,0.10900114003883132,0.0,0.1753907127047198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567933017911632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091821943729384,0.06571246083535577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737418398603562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290417154150447,0.0,0.0,0.1550022569928075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341594669791654,0.12377915877152346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25584428589237523,0.0,0.0,0.18849992649964573,0.0,0.12243038269408685,0.0,0.11823459201538608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940735176814234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330459951179668,0.0,0.11674848224002113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573461431442235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701281885840987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874328165896364,0.10998603488891703,0.0919497930274761,0.0,0.0,0.09213830747257576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666783733308193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010615136381479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959916171366453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409936680574788,0.09177789499454933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718571079302074,0.0,0.0,0.1329632637906234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miniscule100,2018/02/10,So fucking scared. Like being raped all over again. I can't take it anymore I can't take the flashbacks or the memories or the thoughts anymore. I'm fucking done. Life is a stressful enough pile of shit without thw nightmares and it feeling like it's happening all over again. The past won't stay in the past and I can't live in the present. ,2.133788819875776,4.461346188405798,2.4484886128364387,95.06478260869568,79.8695652173913,5.1022774327122145,28.697722567287784,6.18269132825596,1.0763026915113878,273,13,57,2,7,83,43,69,0.202,0.703,0.095,-0.8729,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,2,7,0,7,5,1,0,2,9,15,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,3,2,6,11,3,10,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,7,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39496478663627055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037780338488563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575341760230415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068557133441304,0.14225774903507352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681829784123129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608905721448387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406506538376199,0.1945686758783531,0.0,0.17583449544702948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801821956097585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936279957238068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440298746370414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224494690236384,0.0,0.0,0.2281015191826364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29944035040190503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808612934207758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919531848210223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Killmyselfokay,2018/02/10,"I'm hanging myself tomorrow. I'm probably going to film it too. I just can't anymore. This world is too ugly. The situation in America has finally suffocated me. I'm told to kill myself constantly so.... Why not. I'm tired of the pain, the anguish, the despair.


I'm here to offer a free show to whoever is interested. ",0.5361904761904732,3.0251908730158767,4.559047619047622,74.84428571428575,92.65079365079364,8.514285714285714,27.63492063492064,8.841846274778883,3.4003206349206363,247,13,45,9,9,93,45,63,0.24,0.645,0.115,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,11,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,6,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923844975057108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185981655129508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32296341555920605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755430556538756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32617719006883483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137117105213437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178683007471376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313926143936392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388548602851014,0.0,0.2817153391117527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660312663641444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NintenGamer,2018/02/10,"Girlfriend is failing her college classes and is feeling suicidal and I have no idea how to help. My girlfriend is currently going to UCSB and is hating the classes she is taking. She just had her first midterm rounds and failed most of them. She has one on Monday but is in no real state to do well on it. She didn't do very well last quarter and is having a crisis about her major and the Creative Studies program she is in. I just need some advice on what i can do as her significant other to provide emotional support and encouragement for her to get back on her feet with enough time so she can get much deserved peace of mind. Please I need to do something, anything helps. ",5.082197159565581,6.07012848120301,5.344761904761906,83.06412698412701,68.69924812030075,7.414870509607352,31.319131161236424,7.3871296695380915,1.9608820384294068,540,22,102,5,9,171,85,133,0.119,0.667,0.214,0.9377,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,8,7,1,0,3,0,19,1,1,1,0,20,28,11,1,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,2,3,2,2,18,4,18,26,5,14,0,2,1,0,18,6,0,2,6,85,21,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906315332949948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053557819426334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000574930704794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194406020917375,0.0,0.20157149592254148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863914518747764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659363541872202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384422374631192,0.0,0.11086939892668564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926027442293918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615182394116953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022344055504114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901758420752796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697685776804305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340746116736655,0.2893011473141177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321923766686665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141410728187583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220456296593921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018338712828286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133876650950484,0.22137634773930706,0.0,0.0,0.14667712467053096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375368053429892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096279413730896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35080366840673305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsnotokay146766,2018/02/10,"Too Close to the Edge Nine months ago, I graduated with my second masters degree (third degree overall) and I am still unemployed. I earned above a 3.0 in all three, and I have a reasonable amount of experience in various industries and roles. I have applied for jobs requiring bachelors and masters degrees in addition to some jobs that don’t require either. I drive ride-share to meet basic necessities but my car needs more maintenance the more I drive. Now, I’m starting to apply to minimum wage jobs that current high schoolers can do. I plan on starting my own business within the next three years so I’m not looking for the perfect job, just an income. 

But it keeps feeling like I’m not supposed to have, or even be alive anymore. When I listen to the general consensus of society, I hear that I’m part this wasted generation that really could do the world a service by fucking off and dying. Honestly, I have a cat who I love dearly and I know he needs and loves me. This is the only thing that stops me from stepping out into a busy intersection or taking a bunch of Xanax and sleeping forever. I can elaborate a bit more after a reply but right now, this is where I am. I can’t get any job and I’m so close to checking out for good. ",5.255725308641979,6.085026267489713,6.260697016460906,77.22709490740742,68.21810699588477,9.531790123456787,32.0599279835391,9.673873057562805,3.048876748971193,985,41,184,21,16,328,148,243,0.029,0.823,0.14800000000000002,0.9846,10,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,7,10,8,1,0,16,0,16,5,1,1,2,39,36,17,1,3,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,11,16,0,4,3,0,2,4,4,1,0,5,0,4,21,7,27,34,12,33,0,0,1,3,8,16,1,3,14,132,32,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941146662311555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160678999978993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359520445037726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706741995949246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755423457445654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980675146332774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897407320540117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317713234608997,0.0,0.0,0.06811295559880529,0.09623618970616267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245363686597188,0.07037993149026256,0.0,0.0,0.1129875804233601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182691726710285,0.0,0.0,0.1423275332021745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6683898522226337,0.1197356148829082,0.0,0.0,0.0740325843733323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658120493601004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131216951941051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316039817649274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075234980297353,0.0,0.0,0.19977014363047746,0.0,0.0,0.14326462892307687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245232134572901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587680033032746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629808251829381,0.1385033643034944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504081354593285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480635973663915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906955524848418,0.0,0.10757884086985836,0.11262281811670108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128445923832503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949472333379059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674822733795393
suicidewatch,Primmse,2018/02/10,"I can't come out to my family. Hi, I made a new account to post this because others would find out from my main account and I really don't want that to happen. Anyway, for around five years, I've kept a large sercret from my family. I'm bisexual, but much more attracted to the same gender. So, I come from a relatively great family- minus my mother. My grandmother, who I'm extremely close to, has said numerous times to everyone in my family that if anyone was gay that'd she wouldn't particularly mind and that she'd still love any of us. That was great to know, until I found out that she actually doesn't support gay people at all. My father is an incredible guy, but he makes jokes mocking gay people often. It makes it a little bit harder to talk to them about all of this when they're like this.

I managed to open up to my friends about it around a year ago and they were extremely supportive, which is very odd for them, but after high school we all grew apart and I've cut off all connections from them. I have no one to talk to anymore. There's so much building up in my life, including this, and it's becoming too much. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. To be honest, I don't think I can. I've been thinking of suicide so much lately because of everything and this is the final straw. I mean, I got so close to OD'ing last night and I'm just so lost. I don't know what to do.",4.44039193302892,4.5455826815068505,5.688721461187214,83.17081430745817,69.7876712328767,9.365601217656012,26.496194824961947,9.2995712137729,1.862629528158296,1101,30,241,21,18,370,156,292,0.093,0.77,0.13699999999999998,0.9556,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,2,0,4,1,16,14,2,0,9,0,22,6,0,3,4,45,46,18,1,5,5,2,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,1,20,18,0,1,7,1,3,3,8,3,0,2,10,1,32,11,43,31,13,34,0,1,0,4,20,17,0,2,15,162,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.10333239964989777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938642188993484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200815828136235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050134452666204,0.0740400582376781,0.0,0.0,0.18852733837518248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909791604314794,0.11694609290542518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115603374536964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824280131169216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118148738033424,0.0951662149439346,0.0,0.3992909411661569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599623527333225,0.09678063732635256,0.0,0.0,0.11610183460552408,0.08180958690286629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468911490376155,0.2334860159647305,0.0,0.10484676831791627,0.09363730234955507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187755338486964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638766195268825,0.08631367643836288,0.1194474161316934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149585079361451,0.1034640438149576,0.10612860663952332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559036355481038,0.0,0.09556896622887964,0.10019474209727433,0.1413634736037939,0.0,0.0,0.11534417494568773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691771511915237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113624260796985,0.0,0.0,0.10226826625161066,0.0,0.09936966330836763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175313399621698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682021452875604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141240170688448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678352116188071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072469739831244,0.0,0.0,0.1071653318485578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456310062933127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582539108954605,0.2403231887228291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021915139497878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356988047339868,0.0,0.0,0.06174473360440829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737144195432984,0.0,0.0,0.08736952332045796,0.1249121638561448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522051500988124,0.0,0.0,0.13637810220821658
suicidewatch,bladeeunreal,2018/02/10,"I just want someone to understand My mom blames my depression on weed. I literally smoke weed only once or twice a month and she doesn’t care that I’m depressed. She never wants to talk about my depression she only wants to talk about my weed smoking habits. I’m slowly losing all of my friends. I have no interest in life anymore. I just don’t wanna do anything. I have social anxiety, adhd, and depression and I just lock myself in my room hoping I randomly die because I’m too scared to kms. I have no one to talk to, I don’t even enjoy talking to my friends so I just distance myself away from everyone. They’re all gonna act like they’re close to me when I die but none of them know the true me.",2.109888594164456,3.9710785034482754,3.7337931034482783,88.15936339522548,77.75862068965517,6.944297082228117,24.257294429708228,7.882392219407189,1.274474801061008,553,19,116,9,13,184,85,145,0.166,0.705,0.129,-0.5346,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,10,14,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,4,22,18,7,2,5,6,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,0,0,26,8,18,17,3,10,0,5,0,0,12,6,0,3,4,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508383439356186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508244764654684,0.0,0.1362273522091981,0.0,0.0,0.11303818327766672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905721818525587,0.0,0.0,0.08373531233849303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400509046926154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732427817504091,0.0,0.28512256336106523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072707705268934,0.0,0.0,0.1312563937257338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225288591970848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643262009120113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549120485181186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702366796783142,0.06710870547091867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367424900951512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087808234725434,0.10964197028720823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594294343923548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628729101883464,0.09308083771748643,0.20894175838173448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752449450522447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002445136569613,0.11638736660355405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416292453020832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299990240465235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430610665754382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tac132,2018/02/10,"Took a small overdose last night while very drunk. What should I do now? Last night I got pretty drunk (not blackout or anything like that) and took about 6-7 one-a-night sleeping pills. I don’t think I was intending to die, and I think deep down I knew nobody would really find out. I feel okay-ish now, just a usual hangover. 

Do I need to go to hospital? If I go, will I get my stomach pumped?",1.8311672473867588,3.4002190853658547,2.9371080139372836,94.86939024390249,77.65853658536584,6.149128919860628,21.470383275261323,6.868970318607317,0.2654578397212548,303,8,70,3,7,97,58,82,0.13,0.794,0.075,-0.6281,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,7,5,2,1,0,16,18,5,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,5,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,1,11,1,6,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,9,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467220490987602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506919814998855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503646635956578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178885847355527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981995265461686,0.0,0.2136400489151619,0.0,0.15032600297302934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064193077382163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182606392688927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936738149061104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529153397773642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273642055026413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912193572295263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204097626368267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880922646732327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240869903376116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176532295603349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207007557680105,0.15508381729279316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351892242418475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nightlynegative,2018/02/10,"Hurting and weak Feel like ending this madness more and more as each day passes. Constantly unable to live up to my own expectations. Failing at every attempt to be happy. Perpetually lonely even though surrounded by people and desperate to connect with anyone and feel anything. Ugly, stupid, fat, unloved. I'm very tired of being strong and fighting off my lifelong desire to die. I don't know what to do but a gun to the head seems like the best solution. I don't know what I'm doing. ",4.235108695652176,6.487932945652176,5.1841304347826105,78.37771739130439,72.80434782608695,7.208695652173913,27.80434782608696,8.07648339933343,2.0785608695652176,389,15,66,6,8,127,68,92,0.241,0.58,0.179,-0.2255,0,2,0,1,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,2,13,3,0,3,0,6,4,2,0,0,15,13,8,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,2,4,5,14,11,5,8,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,43,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065224494646602,0.0,0.18907138587508526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411170099624226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482869437536189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817500332010225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384526919833481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349753054451225,0.0,0.0,0.15175309525818226,0.0,0.19358115597231232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323452544527178,0.16413927268508216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445818295925017,0.0,0.0,0.2357981534735604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24596085816526006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25253814788674217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449645915667127,0.0,0.20288066127426266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928537624760586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091631962762644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257362219040547,0.0,0.0,0.2640732017423604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895745410717597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatemylifelololol,2018/02/10,I don’t understand how people are able to deal with life stressors I break down completely ,7.849411764705883,8.399286882352943,7.004705882352942,75.12117647058824,62.529411764705884,11.505882352941176,34.64705882352941,11.20814326018867,4.032105882352941,75,3,13,2,1,23,16,17,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.4374590621336591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586675036401896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510010842968441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089902727864559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032790324507286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554103115035808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChantiKakes,2018/02/10,"I just don't even know what I'm living for anymore. I don't really know what to say. I don't usually post shit. In fact I've never posted in Reddit before. But I feel like there's nothing else. I have no significant other ( haven't had one for 5 years now). I do have friends. A very close knit of 2 friends. But I don't want to bug them more than I already have. They have their own problems ya know. So I stay silent and keep in the pain. I smile and laugh (even though it's hard).  I feel so invisible all the time. Even my friends have had partners in their lives come in and out. Yet I stand here invisible, alone, irrelevant. I work as hard as I can and try to succeed  the best I can. Yet I still fall. I know it sounds like I'm wining....fuck..maybe I am. But this is my last resort. Hm I'm so irrelevant I doubt anyone is going to see this. I don't know...I just feel like I have no one to talk to or relate to. I just want to stop being loneliness, I want to succeed, and I want to get out of this dead town. There's so much more but I really don't know how to put it into words. Like it really matters anyway. I feel like I'm trying to hold on. But the things that I'm trying to accomplish and manifest in my life just keep failing. It sounds so physical and materialistic. But it's not, it's more than that. I don't know I just can't get the thought of killing myself out of my head. I haven't been able to for the last year now. Day by day I feel closer to it.",-0.4646573208722735,1.4879508130841117,2.003387850467292,96.5808450155763,87.5981308411215,5.311214953271028,16.704828660436135,6.691623216298621,-0.38241993769470417,1125,25,280,14,36,384,144,321,0.1,0.7659999999999999,0.134,0.7989,0,1,0,0,0,1,49.0,0,1,4,6,24,18,2,1,7,1,26,4,2,1,3,54,54,23,2,5,13,0,7,5,4,0,2,3,0,1,17,13,0,4,12,0,0,4,14,6,1,2,4,11,40,12,38,49,7,37,0,1,1,0,11,14,1,2,20,179,57,5,0.09764990575338324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113585268979516,0.10775909921758864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968424671949424,0.06827908457616423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309287754072678,0.0,0.10247755156774882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411674729297529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595222167157438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157396609472495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349052537574385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468736320014384,0.20928333654477216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22633222486199805,0.09027576435938467,0.102036090809827,0.0,0.05549669178260886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495027031767393,0.0,0.10021697530146308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359144595151005,0.10803515267892294,0.0,0.37566084105481495,0.15919541269662488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897301628441457,0.2385340573192056,0.0,0.17245331161888913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810245536868492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178391647089727,0.0,0.07531362724274589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369771820289323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234020667583374,0.0,0.10390638455186603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870432335692732,0.0,0.0,0.09343777189815336,0.0,0.09816512636709657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767109028307724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765512443531808,0.0,0.0,0.07781433210952887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023622498899593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408180679971996,0.07798334087417738,0.08163969368316493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848729533188127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487425835552581,0.0,0.09594053660704714,0.07752311756786709,0.05694044532453805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889362829516252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754757531258084,0.08057139897198141,0.2303857777406541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109029439322744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576667545451686
suicidewatch,havenous,2018/02/10,"i feel helpless my now ex boyfriend dumped me out of the blue and refuses to talk to me. he was the only thing keeping me happy because i had to leave college because i can't afford it. all of my friends are away at college. my mom gets angry when i tell her about my sadness and makes it about her. i feel like i have nothing. i can't drive, i have no car, i have no job, this house i'm living in is disgusting because my mom doesn't know how to clean and i try to clean as much as i can but i'm so depressed i can barely leave my bed to use the fucking bathroom. i'm reaching a point in my life where i barely have any ambition and my boyfriend breaking up with me was the real icing on the cake. i feel like a complete waste of time, and space, and resources, and i feel like an ungrateful piece of shit because i know there are some people who have it worse. and i have friends who care about me. and i don't know why but it's not enough. i tell them i love them and that i appreciate their kind words and i'm grateful they expressed their concern but deep down i feel so numb to it and it doesn't really mean anything to me. it does for a couple of minutes but i go right back to despising myself. i don't want to be alive, and i feel like the only reason why i don't want to try is for the sake of my friends and my mom's feelings and how much effort it would take to write out a suicide note. plus i don't know how i would do it anyways. i don't know. i don't want to kill myself. but i want to be dead. i guess ideally i would die in a freak accident or something. living is too hard and i'm starting to think i don't want to be a part of it",1.436885152465088,2.568832804407716,3.139658022228556,94.84735537190085,77.70523415977962,5.9986320889142215,23.536525125866817,6.311591054244273,0.33427394319369297,1280,40,310,9,29,426,162,363,0.193,0.639,0.16699999999999998,-0.8541,2,0,1,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,5,2,15,23,6,0,14,0,34,5,1,6,1,64,69,31,4,9,7,4,8,4,3,3,2,0,3,0,15,20,0,2,15,0,0,3,14,11,0,0,3,9,59,12,42,60,7,24,0,3,1,2,24,15,2,3,9,208,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060514798912079976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322942965510013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360702734725675,0.06842617437393446,0.0,0.21698470328303684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072905788063287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330208213582414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846337872532132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664511670107148,0.0,0.09235535325900868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787387929542282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194825126721057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149645640858074,0.254291790735013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625540849815024,0.0822678461574827,0.04649248600009859,0.0,0.05057385372718011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803016456298592,0.0,0.0,0.0947292357442858,0.07971564697257642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268004709303716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830672377499592,0.07909650209629718,0.09845188665263124,0.09266716633271513,0.24452701357094125,0.0,0.0,0.18845059787509966,0.0,0.0,0.06285475989009331,0.17389990122031307,0.0,0.15715582814820375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031502140324698,0.0,0.059400090092714325,0.0,0.0,0.09693387137113718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126645317367713,0.0,0.0,0.13083263794476985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538625533799166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353585607426438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636518469807373,0.0,0.06169298014622144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412229471634622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012876709341551,0.05700790421872232,0.09149434490054437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759951494690533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134476340708267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850720511167202,0.0,0.0,0.06298606802003792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973382796892204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690779890595508,0.07152507412703928,0.15555863053094374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911958257951173,0.0570198299545473,0.0,0.0,0.05188953900682964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208338364152106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685694272994091,0.0,0.0,0.2624367383446838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059541181657375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068623566439424,0.18964327578410886,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MortalCoil34,2018/02/10,"The Struggles of an Introvert Hey guys, this will be a great place to vent to you all. Me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up in a pretty nasty way and will never contact each other again. This event made me realize how extremely lonely I am in my day to day life. I have been unable to find a job, I'm currently not going to college as I've lost the ability to focus in class and all of my closest friends from high school live out of town now. Therapy is out of the question because we cant afford it. The only contact with other humans I make anymore is when I give my parents a hug. Ive made friends online through video games but the fun only lasts for so long until I realize In the middle of the night that Im all by myself again. The loss of the one person in my life who was always there has lead to me some extreme troubles and I would appreciate any advice at all.",7.766516393442624,5.075692994535518,8.226331967213117,76.8267110655738,64.40983606557378,10.89863387978142,35.44330601092897,8.841846274778883,2.8525961748633883,690,23,144,8,8,231,122,183,0.087,0.805,0.108,0.6128,4,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,3,7,11,0,1,14,0,13,3,0,5,5,27,20,10,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,6,0,1,5,0,18,5,30,11,6,31,0,4,0,1,16,14,0,2,14,102,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627605805367165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330697292323153,0.0,0.0,0.1087539266081846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860181390522535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748829592174137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627573213611794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616780348356306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471140499140645,0.0,0.0,0.15341384615116474,0.0908885970939065,0.0,0.0,0.1763169733146611,0.0,0.1583500816976633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689686768876929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727455578040543,0.0,0.15870007219867074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035955170498928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591835607001345,0.0,0.0,0.14121598111322856,0.1415278670064703,0.0,0.0,0.17457613435319466,0.0,0.0,0.3026482523270778,0.10675063215277512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334338682673827,0.0,0.0,0.15007800960957682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836876341206958,0.24325909108914534,0.0,0.0,0.17757687642401293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963962563671786,0.16708673024130022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270038510140755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791516822552334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185180836400226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671874764662444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828872376537327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694037042968834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360554920527402,0.0,0.0,0.10298592876492656
suicidewatch,unseentides,2018/02/10,"It's so much harder to kill yourself than they make it seem. Or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough.

I don't want to do this anymore.",0.2119999999999997,2.0159415333333364,1.6833333333333336,100.80500000000002,83.66666666666666,4.0,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.1723333333333334,106,2,26,0,3,34,26,30,0.196,0.7609999999999999,0.043,-0.6834,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35715153341459754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721098745424647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32260515001893103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398429754627034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403891294025431,0.0,0.3617983244492635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647365002636496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278482235814303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24450418082601985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124136140381357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,epicsaxman13,2018/02/10,"I'm not sad. I'm not sad. I'm just empty; completely done. Devoid of feeling and worth. There's nothing left to feel. I feel as though I am unwanted even though there are plenty of people who appreciate and depend on me; according to me, I don't matter and I won't amount to anything. I don't want to kill myself, I want to fall asleep and never wake up, or maybe shrivel up and sink into a dark hole somewhere far away from here and feel nothing, or maybe just die naturally and painlessly. Because I can't handle any more pain. People know but they don't do anything about it. I am a Christian, I work for a church and I love worshipping, but God doesn't listen to me. No one will help me even if they try, because my brain succeeds in pushing away helpful and hopeful thoughts every day. And the rest of the people just don't believe me because I don't have anything to be sad about. ""Just go outside!"" ""We care about you, you shouldn't be depressed!"" Hell yeah I shouldn't, you think I want to be like this? Well... Maybe I do. I don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel good. I'm fine with feeling like shit. It sounds awful but it's just the way my mind works. 

I feel like, even though it's not true, I have no purpose in life. ",0.9281266149870788,3.0497384534883736,2.3606976744186063,95.15704134366926,83.06976744186046,4.9074935400516795,21.183462532299746,6.0378880255834675,0.04350284237726143,963,30,214,7,27,311,129,258,0.104,0.63,0.266,0.994,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,1,3,2,3,19,20,3,0,6,2,24,7,4,1,2,52,49,20,2,10,14,0,8,3,0,4,2,2,0,0,6,13,0,0,11,0,1,3,18,8,1,1,2,10,32,12,28,40,3,16,4,4,0,1,11,10,2,5,5,136,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670304394670164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244562282248925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521802555304406,0.0,0.0,0.18026061740467986,0.0,0.0,0.11105373987046724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003583154860183,0.0,0.0,0.1004978737680838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334793606169466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356898278385459,0.0,0.0848975118125695,0.0,0.10229927269653577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087051918936736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531209077871425,0.0,0.08304880644880756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39871641368031896,0.14083571946249915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056019150717144285,0.08267517255118374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213772069399946,0.0,0.0,0.09790146134270156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090522210653072,0.0,0.054171057248429015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709572961805837,0.0,0.06962234451357836,0.14446780388798544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896255589123021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970780450056911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952679810588892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760226474776705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891596212048532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679304428408084,0.0,0.10488458374213576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050064271339245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117987243224796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631591664997649,0.29053123028270833,0.07825293846539068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692201992742887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906933546799405,0.07823964689259784,0.0,0.0,0.08862555296073599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351911035491113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BiQYURRYUS,2018/02/10,"My mind is screaming and I want to shut it down I can't even think clearly because my thoughts are just screaming at me and everything is jumbled and chaos. I miss someone and how they used to pretend real well how they cared about me and how I was worth something to them and now I'm just disposal trash. I'll never be loved, I'll never know what it's like to be intimate with someone who actually cares about me. I'll never feel a real hug. I'll never know love but just be tormented by every fuck in a relationship.  
  
  
I just want to die but I'm too afraid of pain, but I just want to end it, please let me end it. Turn it off and let me die. Someone help me die, please.",0.9691008991009014,2.8894047762237776,2.751613386613389,93.52763986013987,81.65734265734265,5.764035964035964,22.1023976023976,6.868970318607317,0.44254885114885134,525,17,120,6,14,174,78,143,0.25,0.616,0.134,-0.9726,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,0,14,13,1,1,2,0,10,5,0,4,5,36,28,13,3,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,1,1,0,5,6,1,0,2,3,17,7,15,21,0,12,0,1,0,4,8,5,1,0,8,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1187754662930389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419582448214081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481914034340206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37896025720042814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156052447227441,0.0,0.0,0.0803910572109314,0.0,0.10254943240697628,0.0,0.1093888421599293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061542338268681024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252278306572283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815824383043603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378184253945954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489219575424385,0.0,0.059463392364454574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197035695568519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289660853023827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754938659457493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951245166452874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721120333275833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770747298267422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067546156074686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30938404777954703,0.09370150963309873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798952149710996,0.0,0.09662745037462338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239005900480472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512195830848586,0.0,0.0,0.21537050176837869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094356504506801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iamafailurefuck,2018/02/10,"I am a failureA I got denied into the program I chose in college. 


2 years.


 For nothing. 


All the years of studying. 


All those hours of procastinating and cramming. All those times of getting coffee to help me though it. For nothing. To be a failure. To be a nobody. 


I asked out 10 girls throughout my life. 


They all either don't feel the same way or have a boy friend. One girl I went for, pushed me away for my first attempted kiss, Never had a girlfriend. Am a failure. A college dropout. 


Someone who is nothing. Someone without a valentine's date in a few days. Someone with no relationship experience. 


Now with no experience in dating since EVERY FUCKING GIRL I WENT FOR REJECTED ME AND SAID THEY DONT FEEL THE SAME WAY OR HAS A BOYFRIEND. 


Fuck all the girls. 


Fuck all the women. I am sad. I should just kill myself. I have no career. No job. No girlfriend. No nothing. 


Somedays I fantasize killing myself to make an impact to the girls who reject me. So I can at least make an influence in the world. A somebody. Sometimes I fantasize killing myself so those girls that rejected me and all the people I feel close to have reactions. So I can feel somebody. Someone to give a fuck on. Someone to care about. Someone who wants to experience love and not feel like a fucking failure all the time. I am sick of this. I am done. I wish I was in the United States of America to buy a gun and kill myself.


I've been in college since 2015. No girl asked me out. No girl expressed interest in me. They all rejected me. I feel like crying. I am done. I am 9 shots in. And I am done. Lord have mercy on my soul. And fuck all the girls. They never felt the same way. I am a failure. 


Fuck everyone. Fuck Valentine's Day. Fuck college. Fuck everyone. If I could kill myself and see the reactions of everyone that gave a fuck about me, I would.


Fuck the world. I am done. ",0.09615349682107066,2.416822128065398,1.842911444141692,92.74429450499548,98.83651226158035,4.517511353315167,22.192960944595818,6.343841902548323,0.6506494459582197,1439,59,290,19,60,468,154,367,0.238,0.654,0.108,-0.9946,1,3,0,1,0,5,59.0,0,0,4,3,9,29,17,0,33,0,32,16,0,3,12,51,67,15,5,6,7,0,7,2,3,2,2,1,0,11,10,14,0,0,7,0,1,3,14,22,0,2,13,9,47,7,41,49,16,38,2,5,1,14,30,18,12,3,15,209,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045501744218364,0.0,0.05550326717882953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060231290361712465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047166886494286415,0.0,0.06489153450197899,0.07619746998605681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418185102802028,0.06923590916451658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049773558264079115,0.16934718086279055,0.0,0.17336118140228682,0.0,0.0,0.17922173263918384,0.0844069311538053,0.0567216321493658,0.0,0.0,0.05024949078910975,0.0,0.0,0.045641494533721065,0.6553708783172654,0.03086444948644777,0.056670490592829616,0.0,0.0,0.04724798060079536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959698411740284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817735264293303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058623202365674275,0.0,0.3267907939391728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172669023563237,0.057722496457827926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053317839813905234,0.0,0.07886655405577324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112515484378066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22673769388978565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003100855348473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095543244100646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342485323435874,0.0,0.0,0.05619421756980804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707543191148831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773553493715534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003262829777366,0.0,0.058427064559207376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580412640725298,0.0,0.06889466205562587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03484419161414783,0.14067386840424398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952694419361182,0.0,0.0,0.06793377524508776,0.0569465613150784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196545728465099,0.0,0.0,0.07608521986360853
suicidewatch,PedosoKJ,2018/02/10,"I lost someone very special to me this week due to suicide. I knew that she had depression, and I had been trying to help her the best I could since October.  We would have great days, we would have normal days, we would have bad days.  I would listen to her and talk with her on her bad days.  I wanted to help her so badly.  She kept complaining ""Its never getting better, no matter how hard I try to be better its not getting better."" 

I just did the best that I could and became her friend, listened to her whenever she needed someone to listen to her.  Sadly a multitude of negative events or concerns hit her in the middle of January which led to a lot of bad days.  Then at the start of last week (1-29) she started to stop having bad days.  She didn't have a bad day all that week.  Every day talking to her or being around her were great days that week, I heard her laugh more last week than I had heard her laugh the other 6 months I've known her.  Then something that could have been completely avoided happened on Tuesday morning, which upset her a lot, and she went into her kitchen and cut herself across the wrists with a knife.  

Was that last week of greatness her having already decided she was going to kill herself?  Was it what happened Tuesday morning?   Was it my fault?  Could I have done more to help her?   These questions run through my head all the time now.

I miss her so much, I miss seeing her, I miss her laugh, I miss her dumb jokes, I miss her smile.  I just wish I could see her one last time, talk with her one last time.  ",4.574772727272726,5.129183165584415,4.706259740259744,88.7501038961039,69.61688311688312,7.32883116883117,26.43896103896104,6.961326702584282,1.0216007792207793,1197,34,252,9,20,373,143,308,0.207,0.65,0.14300000000000002,-0.96,0,1,1,0,0,1,37.0,3,0,0,6,7,35,3,2,12,0,32,3,2,2,3,46,59,12,2,13,5,0,1,0,1,4,0,5,1,0,16,13,1,3,4,1,0,4,5,21,0,2,19,8,59,14,31,28,9,47,0,8,2,0,51,8,1,5,35,180,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784634297914471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329634233281711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562059457320182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923547488828734,0.1886532768479676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454966879217065,0.0,0.0,0.2838479945427115,0.0,0.0,0.4126973516187376,0.0,0.06124052040215141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276259287822225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990696331514302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493365220491369,0.0,0.07429629335787738,0.0,0.04040921658550359,0.0,0.0,0.2351724305419036,0.0,0.0,0.12575149674778732,0.0,0.06369391704150827,0.0,0.07297172733041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297561743481926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866443463966277,0.0,0.0,0.28979033274071914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761683037586653,0.12089768731158372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056753375453254234,0.0,0.05226855394175398,0.052721638402591885,0.05483866834825835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696654005365974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963618533422188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965112633908616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331905015122475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058816762456498375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120489916362579,0.0547382152042189,0.0,0.0,0.10065349887003316,0.0,0.0,0.059444913886758835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777464709809344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144860428979322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438140258562196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654792559213997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866704855866931,0.041938125012071385,0.0,0.3422050509812293,0.0,0.0,0.06591277433907827,0.0,0.0,0.08176442117869831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020368402609564,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LioraLeah,2018/02/10,"I don't want this pain anymore I have bipolar depression and meds aren't working. I tried to enroll in an outpatient program and they aren't getting back with me. 
I'm overweight. I'm failing college. I have no money. I have a huge amount of debt. I have no friends. I'm a burden to my husband. I can't trust my parents. My sister is a bitch to me. I can't get out of bed. 

The only comfort I have is that I still have the choice of making all of the pain go away instantly, albeit permanently. This is what I've been reduced to. 

",-0.14598214285714306,2.077739223214288,2.2800000000000007,92.965,89.80357142857143,4.628571428571429,23.17857142857143,6.18269132825596,0.5238500000000004,411,17,89,4,14,140,67,112,0.29600000000000004,0.637,0.067,-0.9773,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,2,2,9,1,0,7,0,15,4,0,1,1,7,23,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,6,0,0,1,0,16,3,12,22,2,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,61,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543112788133609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092596431285035,0.1971801003856684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086419332169308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811844675353987,0.0,0.2679498931675143,0.0,0.14573600885999805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117010901987234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848377404957401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502781530236407,0.5457226833980933,0.0,0.2847369864134009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478663667178876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741002490080221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125002350388364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866852859290242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayastray,2018/02/10,"I’m waiting for the end. I’m too much of a coward to kill myself. I’m just waiting for the end where the universe will finally take me away. Each day that passes, I slowly and excruciatingly deteriorate. I did everything I could. I fought for a better life. I listened to everyone’s advice, but nothing has changed. The older I get, the worst it becomes. I don’t want to try to be happy anymore. I don’t want to try to improve my life anymore. I don’t want to try anything anymore. 

I keep going because I’m scared. The only comfort I have left is knowing I am mortal. I look forward to my end when it comes. And I hope it comes soon. ",0.6620865139949146,2.939328389312976,3.309129770992368,86.89280407124686,85.7175572519084,5.020050890585242,24.76386768447837,6.42735559955562,0.9067400508905852,493,21,100,5,15,172,77,131,0.138,0.695,0.16699999999999998,0.431,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,8,0,11,2,0,0,0,16,31,4,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,2,2,18,4,13,26,3,16,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,9,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008294071340727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265031145083176,0.0,0.0,0.1179673451389587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346849087527925,0.0,0.0,0.08738668832538769,0.15832218032369455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678412268304642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516485182702586,0.24697191732730986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445574515763582,0.0,0.0,0.09245085752519593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809047568392575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697998190844868,0.12883647729267686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703625851498848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489605160348065,0.0,0.08147084151468545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260198666613073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238192366358576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741877693196546,0.15859890957820286,0.0,0.07878308691350852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575350755794576,0.0,0.2025089964104235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038045706115955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538098568132284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375511170989789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090264537621458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352141053530135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778365259980058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919819316904552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536600279581209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grant24555,2018/02/10,"23 M Just watched Dear Zachary, and its triggering some really - really bad thoughts. Hi there,

Title explains it all. Im feeling really unstable and would really appreciate having someone to talk me out of my dark thoughts.

Events like that just make me lose all faith and hope in humanity. What a fucked up world we live in. ",4.901500000000002,7.1149461500000015,5.413333333333334,77.62500000000001,70.83333333333334,10.133333333333336,30.33333333333333,10.355215969177356,3.527733333333333,259,11,47,8,5,83,49,60,0.183,0.616,0.201,-0.1708,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,18,9,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,4,6,6,3,6,1,1,1,1,5,5,1,2,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884276494012626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041425894284767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201630278962135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365336667871451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25723958398768315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634657582449122,0.0,0.21028812952275444,0.0,0.0,0.26642553360540244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158964945637274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6102521649970118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201781147148209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914135063189301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781241713501255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691727682480011,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pffbaby,2018/02/10,"I was dumb. So,here we meet on facebook.Love blooming,is what i thought.
He was shattered with some past relationship.We started talking nicely,made great friends with each other.Got attracted and yes I kissed him.My bad,like any ordinary girl I thought it will turn into a relationship.And no.He was ready to see someone else.Yet I thought that no,I was the one who wasn't clear of what i wanted and I got dearly attached to him after the first kiss.It was all special for me.So,I thought why not just forget what happened and go on with the friendship.My bad again.After a while we started talking.We got more attracted,or maybe ""I"" got attracted.I told him,i wanted more than the kiss.He was good with it.But at the end when we met.It didn't turn out the way we wanted and I messed up by getting nervous.He got pissed.We continued being friends.A year passed we never met after that.We were only talking through texts.Not even calls.And still everytime I decided to end it,I saw myself go back to him.I don't know why.He had started seeing other girls.I dare not try to interfere.It didn't work out for him.Out of nowhere,we again went back to doing ""more than the kiss"".There was no name to the relation,why?because, he""didn't have time for one"".
Well,like a fool i continued this,until one day he confesses he is looking for a girlfriend.I don't know,maybe I should've taken this as a sign and left everything.Because this is definitely not what I was hoping.
And one day,my fears turn into reality.I see him tagging a girl on most of the posts on facebook.He starts ignoring me.Pretty ok with me leaving.And then new year 2017,i decide to end it.
Again,I start missing him.Go back again like a fool.He confesses that he still misses of what we did.BUT,here he ""is in a relationship: with the girl he had been tagging in posts.He told me it wasn't working out with them and that he wants to get back.We sleep together for the first time in 2 years of our ""fuckall relationship-no relationship"".And here he is back with his asshole face saying,""that girl has gone through a lot and I don't want to hurt her.I cannot breakup.""And I am shattered.This was all so special for me and he made it so ordinary.I abused him when i could just smash that face.We yet sleep once more he does the same.I lose my cool and abuse that bastard,but also see myself begging him to stay,even after the way he ""used and threw me"".
I just want to say.I am guilty of all that i said to him.I shouldn't have abused him like that/disturb his life that way.But just because I was afraid to lose him/maybe too dumb.Does this justify,he has the right to do anything.?",1.0023466855724903,3.3465901941391962,2.2595344440505727,94.5480999645516,84.78754578754578,5.354082476663122,21.810114616566228,6.756697512083917,0.4330247902635005,2090,71,457,25,62,667,222,546,0.108,0.8,0.092,-0.8092,0,0,0,0,3,0,99.0,7,0,1,6,21,25,1,2,23,3,38,5,3,2,5,70,85,19,0,9,7,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,4,21,31,0,1,9,0,0,6,14,12,0,6,36,8,41,13,58,45,11,62,2,5,6,1,43,16,1,4,39,237,62,2,0.0,0.23502661113067555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052876690686291694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496433553936506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054411692768774285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542136402613504,0.11041602603054597,0.12091967395656865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052791989459477114,0.0,0.0,0.08528474807914269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057862660065659176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756899129915038,0.0,0.0,0.08734418227995681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440415718222411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248444768149446,0.0,0.0,0.05108467989785295,0.0,0.06909066139688877,0.0,0.11273373303998972,0.05545889641967161,0.2644137740744153,0.07289829247240305,0.0,0.0,0.058470306453263635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567276289115688,0.0,0.0,0.07078356455521041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267640236311089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184032149675887,0.0,0.04670299769235802,0.06460645700973905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055524725399734964,0.1479442747772804,0.0,0.056213444844930065,0.0,0.06256499416827957,0.0,0.0,0.1992813563990955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509963511645912,0.06385977295515335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041637528215418,0.17922035891546936,0.050287763099075684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311967886312463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332534211448464,0.06726851099768047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549443722369454,0.0,0.05646670668203437,0.06289591622691124,0.05258182536700145,0.0,0.0,0.21075851216701955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323368800948597,0.0,0.056023844776798365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340028181266009,0.07047585627891659,0.10560813445857807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629060958125924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996976359258407,0.07711101035883339,0.0,0.0,0.12636230275921187,0.0,0.04489160719988528,0.2157609660878584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057107045277630025,0.0,0.0,0.23399817115012514,0.15745057454492625,0.0,0.0,0.05945043971626043,0.06129454065298879,0.059663636935274225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962732974096765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773866658174005
suicidewatch,pepper_puppy,2018/02/10,"Wandering off? Does anyone just wish they could wander off and never come back?

I like to think about wading in the lake, and just keep walking. Maybe I can swim to the other side? Why not try?",0.9621052631578948,3.516071,1.6582105263157914,96.71047368421057,89.0,4.092631578947368,12.86315789473684,5.6839178017228535,-1.0800694736842105,150,2,31,1,5,46,32,38,0.053,0.855,0.092,0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,6,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348226255434789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25823526893339216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28929086519137737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681357613537455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938902013262405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985042884161093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407130812878054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373899384406583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25901553598916155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518857743503805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800893465426425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30303754184246395,0.0,0.3861920067414749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vodkabebop,2018/02/10,"Howdy everyone Well the past couple years is a long ass story.  But to give you a snapshot of now, im drunk listening to chop suey and i messaged the first girl i ever ^^^youknowwhat with and she was the one who got me put into a mental facility a couple months ago.... I think im okay, idk i just... need a purpose... someome to talk to fuck it man.... humans can be cruel... so fucking cruel.",-0.7439435248295965,1.3612372151898775,1.7167088607594927,93.57831548198641,100.89873417721519,3.9497565725413817,17.469328140214213,5.873414542411696,-0.21286251217137275,296,9,62,3,13,100,61,79,0.189,0.7609999999999999,0.05,-0.9036,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,4,0,8,1,4,4,1,0,1,9,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,2,2,1,7,2,7,8,0,10,0,0,0,3,10,1,3,0,8,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757830522529527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388355167079005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937581212594475,0.0,0.18948637608416974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867586211697108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666546206755427,0.0,0.1902296661563162,0.0,0.0,0.1586004899944634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284010943663103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549132342284324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984210923715728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582830293194173,0.0,0.0,0.14703866634185667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437479212494338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930201406919425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993486149195527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938790273321354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706412711320828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829761143100656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770020007481184
suicidewatch,fjflslf,2018/02/10,too ugly to be alive i am so ugly i don't want to live like this anymore. i haven't had a picture of me taken that i didn't want immediately deleted since i was eighteen....i'm still young but my face has already changed drastically and i have an extremely droopy eyelid i just hate the way i look so much i don't even want to go outside. i told my friend i was upset about being uglier than someone who really hurt me and they said they didn't want to comment on it because they know it's true. the person i think of as my best friend doesn't even care about me and i don't really have any friends. there is no reason for me to be here nobody wants to be friends with or love someone who is so ugly,0.8714000000000013,2.8391206733333365,2.7846666666666664,92.909,82.26666666666667,5.333333333333334,20.666666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.12226666666666652,551,16,124,5,15,184,92,150,0.227,0.5720000000000001,0.201,0.0457,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,12,12,1,1,4,0,20,2,1,1,1,16,35,9,0,5,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,8,2,23,9,15,23,2,5,0,1,1,1,14,1,0,1,3,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902299135934015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415844141909593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189996589388918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336884907517444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607387444672957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616340845814514,0.0,0.1620297998034564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023299974118596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733440914651549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704802586279234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122016375331382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396785749683931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417627779088964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482939297360368,0.0,0.13524878553778505,0.0,0.1286212458937928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823870528029822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259496767786338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373904023776148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624470571630387,0.15748062515001673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569637307518427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267008740108981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25955487985129805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231892848448328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098142879507478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635711115985156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517077166001576,0.12157640233767868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontconvincemenotto,2018/02/10,"What would happen if I killed myself? Planning to do it tonight using a belt on my doorknob, I tried it out and passed out within 5 seconds, didn’t secure the belt though. Just wondering what would happen to all my stuff? My university? My bank account? My social media? ",2.491176470588236,5.275364294117646,3.4583333333333366,85.40750000000003,82.52941176470588,4.968627450980391,22.225490196078432,6.42735559955562,0.7128666666666668,213,7,37,2,6,68,39,51,0.105,0.848,0.046,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,10,8,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,8,1,6,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091025013206599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31847144149982115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29343425617418745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295277275075951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28281832564553444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543620428972866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486162751439696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121689515611839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089711192148707,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YesThatSandman,2018/02/10,"Suicide Solves...? This is an “acrostic” poem.. take the first letter of each line for a set word.

The bulk of this was written by me several years ago.. the final stanza hit me in the middle of the night last night. Out of the blue.. hadnt thought about this in years but it insisted on being finished.

I’ve been going though a helluva rough patch and facing homelessness within days... so of course stress has been super high and perhaps thats why my muse decided to pick this up last night.

Anyway.. if you are thinking of ending things.. please reach out to someone. Even someone behind a keyboard can help many times. Just remember.. you’re not alone

Good luck my brothers and sisters.
————————————

Suffering... 
Under the gaze of everyone,
I suffer.
Constant pain
Invading me,
Degrading me... and
Erasing me.

Solutions...
On my mind
Lie solutions.
Vile and daunting, 
Enticing... taunting... and
Secretly haunting.

Nowhere else to turn...
Old bridges all burned.
Trying to stay strong
How did it all go so wrong?
I HATE these thoughts that are prying
Need a reason to keep trying
Gotta get busy living, or get busy dying

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suicidewatch,_suicidekid_,2018/02/10,I don't want to be a wage slave I might as well just end it all since that's what 90% of the population blindly submits themselves to.,3.0358620689655176,3.6505631034482815,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,73.13793103448276,7.179310344827586,28.29310344827586,7.1686216300943375,1.1866413793103443,106,4,25,1,2,35,27,29,0.048,0.8690000000000001,0.083,0.2211,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573480649384965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477839883590255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271442760267171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045667476078497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46427611752456105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adversaryroman,2018/02/10,"What a shitshow. “One must imagine sisyphus happy” Camus said. 

And well, I’ve tried to do that Albert. Sometimes when I watch the sunset a tear forms in my eye, and I don’t know what to call that feeling or what it means but, I haven’t been able to find someone that cries when they look at the sun too. And I haven’t been really having the time of my life clocking in. People are dying and starving across the street from a Michelin star restaurant. And community! I belong to none. I can’t go anywhere I want because I’ll be jailed for trying. I’m supposed to maintain my health, and that’s been going pretty well. I stretch, I read my books, I learn, I exercise, I prepare nourishing meals, and I do all of these things for what? 

For the future, for tomorrow, for “one day”. 

I’m not even old enough to buy myself a beer, and maybe that’s a good thing, I would probably buy a lot of it. 

10 years seems like a long time. I haven’t existed as this “me” for even 5, and I already feel as if I’ve lived a thousand lives. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not looking for anyone’s words of encouragement. It’s a shit show this life thing. You’re supposed to pick, daily - to light a cigarette or eat a fruit. To indulge, to restrain. To love, to hate. It all seems like too much investment for too little of a return. I don’t see any of this panning out to something grand, I just want to have a good time. Not to suffer. Sisyphus isn’t smiling. ",0.5133834586466186,2.7648405263157905,2.2369022556390985,94.49531578947372,86.17105263157896,4.921654135338347,20.85676691729324,6.3317336037704965,0.1776132706766913,1136,37,249,11,35,372,162,304,0.093,0.737,0.17,0.9619,0,0,3,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,1,0,10,14,2,0,18,0,20,13,2,1,3,38,42,17,1,6,8,0,2,2,0,2,6,1,0,0,21,10,4,1,9,5,3,2,12,4,2,3,4,10,26,10,38,35,7,23,0,1,5,1,5,8,1,6,15,159,47,3,0.12013647390839935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257358634058825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169692191294041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914310048360832,0.08400221586890316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323407942812374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267277192349578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196427541415667,0.07747808702840339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468269281379192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292960491188325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124133092051128,0.0,0.15869801596485528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148922181047787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980256069654393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655265333654198,0.20152954895593425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788751040414614,0.0,0.11860989605352885,0.0,0.12769945392984072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602386421983754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971188875825596,0.11738522564790302,0.12040830784034134,0.21216541492670035,0.10631699893456957,0.20176876187787926,0.0,0.0,0.10213573399595896,0.10842785814343008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069323548058412,0.13086383930040574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831413140252706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260630202367359,0.0,0.16281516775342758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328750441532612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222198380683286,0.12952743808084535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016898454440796,0.0,0.07696250145594781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427729766259476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573321558328336,0.21873546767159607,0.0,0.0,0.12331836405945268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179124448499348,0.09248692695176124,0.11881804457709062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394400051733391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015763214375666,0.13807920396846055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312955963708695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125788148196506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603423570830704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853415041807005,0.0,0.0,0.07736395036799211
suicidewatch,severeapplication,2018/02/10,so sad i feel so sad im trying to be happy but i dont want to take my meds im afraid of gaining weight i just want someone to talk to,-4.328137254901962,-3.2095989117647044,-0.19176470588235264,106.53039215686277,111.64705882352942,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.049886274509804,103,2,30,0,6,38,23,34,0.201,0.627,0.172,0.2479,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,5,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140368474154997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548419354812086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852390681868424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.578866620800567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976334126254638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703420869421564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146597894957124,0.21536904985768526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192129723053888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160891571235853,0.0,0.0,0.3262924131671524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rothjohn,2018/02/10,"I'd better really mean it I tried to kill myself in November. I spent a week in a psyche ward. The missed work meant I couldn't pay rent. Family wouldn't give me a place to stay because I have a drinking problem. I moved into a sober living community for homeless men.

I've just ruined every career or job opportunity by drinking and I want to give up. I'm working at Wal Mart currently and it's barely covering the bills. All I can think is that next time I try to kill myself I'd better really mean it and make sure it happens for sure.",1.5757305194805191,3.6577356964285737,4.079123376623375,83.95224025974026,80.42857142857143,6.929870129870131,20.89610389610389,8.00094639256281,1.0882928571428572,426,12,86,8,11,149,76,112,0.154,0.7070000000000001,0.14,-0.6812,3,0,2,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,5,1,10,2,0,7,0,5,2,0,1,3,18,17,4,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,4,2,0,4,2,4,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,11,5,12,13,1,12,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,4,46,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945616246746224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743876179221792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30392323704520713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306979335501314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623628820588894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29761649647219685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717487797964706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539357778407881,0.0,0.34324153595328183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697657219085346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354589867395736,0.0,0.0,0.3379491447707849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487134552711669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497521631282855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620706621630882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843189252340255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987517077712483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653406245321964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924034421269201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939664276037867,0.0,0.0,0.09045354880528296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063685530284354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149564545962036,0.0,0.12443042382898448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586298287023102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_DeadInside__,2018/02/10,"Nearly jumped today I felt especially bad today. And at about 11 pm I decided to go on the bridge near my house and jump. I went outside, stood about 15 minutes on the bridge and then stepped over the railing. I then stood about half an hour there and nearly jumped several times. But at some point I decided that I won't jump because I probably would have just been injured and wouldn't have died.
So I just went home and I'm really drunk right now. Just wanted to share with anyone and I'm happy if just one person replies...",3.108761904761902,5.014551685714288,3.6819047619047653,89.44476190476192,75.0,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,0.9853809523809528,417,12,86,6,9,131,67,105,0.087,0.828,0.084,-0.0931,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,21,15,12,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,8,1,0,3,1,0,8,2,1,0,2,6,1,9,2,14,6,1,25,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,2,7,55,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827576230349446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705942677912026,0.12926848228321022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008254343992012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360876775789455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051734920683205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573949863256684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271128929243516,0.0,0.20883424249590327,0.24468625940274985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369587077849796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516071392964534,0.0,0.0,0.20046318841155125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286342023480576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584967317973998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109622446400755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956498315486785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365262347620405,0.0,0.402012046942398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507719981319204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931594578383149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506397951247932,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LSD__Soundsystem,2018/02/10,"I have chronic pain and although I don't want to kill myself anymore, I have no idea how I'll be able to support myself. I am a few years into an audio engineering degree which should land me a job, but that still means I have to be able to work enough to not starve, which just doesn't seem likely. Add loans and I'm considering just giving up college now before I'm in further debt. My mom often says I should just live out on a beach in california, but what is a more realistic way of setting up this plan b? I'm not opposed to work, I just don't have the ability to get in a car every single day and sit at a desk for a few hours without needing the next few days off to lie motionless and vomit constantly. I'm trying to restart my old computer repair business but I'm finding no success. I write music but I'm not counting on any of that making any money. I am thinking of going back into computer science in some way as it's more friendly to the disabled than audio engineering.",5.851550802139041,5.085586686274514,7.086844919786099,77.28489304812838,66.94117647058823,9.37896613190731,32.76114081996435,8.575989854853784,2.5175156862745096,780,29,156,10,11,267,124,204,0.067,0.831,0.102,0.8709,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,4,9,6,1,0,11,0,14,3,0,2,0,35,30,11,1,4,12,1,0,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,7,8,0,1,5,1,3,2,9,2,0,0,0,3,14,4,30,26,8,31,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,3,11,107,21,8,0.32155471625222315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866823363257468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944793709622213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236278642049321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680968995335366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374320693144313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737619042472555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612598944116694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546185849184508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694759259983636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421618806275303,0.0,0.08399953378015225,0.1542322921061781,0.0913734777387412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833331162169767,0.0,0.0,0.1814980674370884,0.0,0.0,0.1595467195868299,0.0,0.17787632561915234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854769600237042,0.0,0.1419693528031051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732013500582574,0.0,0.0,0.17513367649696135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830049867572665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921437384800412,0.0,0.0,0.1709885443464798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870879169064654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107844469277464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278566083125208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636566846273966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839700588409278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244824070361806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030196391820256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915727246466612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948306514204919,0.2552351666209693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549836358801673,0.0,0.2340956631298055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353534734046957
suicidewatch,dontgoawayillbeback,2018/02/10,"Meds Instead of Beds I’m pretty young, 17, turning 18 in two months and a day. I understand depression can be the result of a chemical imbalance and that taking medication will level that out and for the most part fix or help the issue. Currently I have somewhat of a grip on my life/mental state but I can feel myself slipping lower and lower back into a deep depression. My girlfriend (the only one who knows about how bad it’s gotten for me) has suggested to me a few times that medication may be the best option for me and she has somewhat convinced me of that being a good idea. I have a few problems with it such as the whole process of having to explain how I feel to my parents and then explain how I feel to a doctor. (It took me two years to explain how I feel to my girlfriend and that was extremely tough for me bc i’m still slightly unconvinced that what i’m experiencing IS depression). I understand if I do go through with this I can stop anytime but another problem I have with medication like this is im scared it will alter my state of mind so much that I will find things enjoyable that I didn’t before (not like that’s necessarily a horrible thing I just feel like I wouldn’t be “me”) If anyone has any suggestions or tips or any insight at all to sway me any direction, it sure would help a lot. :)",5.371325471698114,5.532812083018872,6.4542806603773615,78.28821344339626,67.79245283018868,9.794811320754716,31.65683962264151,9.673873057562805,2.8187405660377367,1042,40,208,21,16,350,142,265,0.14300000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.141,-0.1505,4,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,11,16,0,1,16,0,25,4,0,5,2,54,44,21,0,6,9,1,6,3,2,6,4,0,1,0,20,12,0,1,14,0,0,2,3,8,0,3,4,7,30,8,28,30,11,21,0,3,0,0,12,7,0,11,13,159,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369872121551238,0.121808443270502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122481030084365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932321016152868,0.09699237507660566,0.0,0.0,0.09884730086075094,0.0,0.12190731228829445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491639186251492,0.0,0.3001565378855645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889912841874747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936809134461833,0.08298783058529256,0.0,0.0,0.10617210594828208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660188737202315,0.09743314039183618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557250223271695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113540483657066,0.12547742545320253,0.12124539472255733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384088551847608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205031157571062,0.17025609241521686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875877121748973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903239883980305,0.3510700665022198,0.0,0.0,0.11729287273755032,0.0,0.09272127113172998,0.0,0.08539415890229543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871596587113261,0.08834821820013151,0.0,0.0,0.12898675692130412,0.12579466445108575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818089971335904,0.0,0.2223071777974726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116300773407031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276899519742984,0.09711859310353073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948351949910876,0.0,0.08734112987907328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434885693165887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773636317241592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906286045712365,0.0,0.12635344887281108,0.226951369554608,0.24186235778033302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296933416408699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251981708058916,0.0,0.0,0.07480602895727033
suicidewatch,DeepVioletS,2018/02/10,"I attempted and failed but I still feel dead inside. It wasn't a real attempt though, citing Marla from Fight Club 

>""This isn't a for-real suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.""

I took a bunch of pills on tuesday but I researched beforehand to make sure that they wouldn't kill me (it was very unlikely) but they would cerainly knock me out for good (which was the desired outcome).

I messaged my best friend, he called me, and I don't really remember what happened next. I woke up in the hospital.
The next day I went to my psychiatrist and he said that if I wanted just to be 'knocked out' I would have taken 2 pills not 20.
And he's right. I wanted to disappear. He asked me what I felt when I woke up alive and I said 'I felt nothing actually'.

For weeksI I've been feeling dead inside, I relapsed into my depression really really hard and I don't know why or how to get better. The doc changed my meds but as for now I still feel empty. And so victimized. I had to move back to my parent's house because I can't be left alone or manipulate my meds (duh), my boyfriend doesn't speak to me because he was terribly affected by this and we had been fighting the night before the event so I feel even more lonely. And loneliness is a major trigger to my depressive state. I'm in a loop and I can't get out of it.
I don't want to tell anyone about this either, I don't want to be pitied. But I want comfort. I want to be alive again.",1.9826122800541413,3.814390617940205,3.576382428940569,89.27776916451336,78.03654485049832,6.984176202780856,23.440506952134857,7.921354282810032,1.1322261843238586,1140,37,246,19,27,378,160,301,0.191,0.6659999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9163,1,3,0,0,3,2,38.0,1,0,2,5,13,16,4,0,11,1,26,2,0,5,1,51,52,24,4,11,11,1,7,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,14,15,0,0,8,1,0,4,11,10,0,1,17,10,42,6,31,28,5,28,0,5,0,0,19,11,0,3,12,160,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.10476923967454696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111940322595676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506958740242889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003684166046124,0.0,0.0,0.08255428984629781,0.0,0.1308930263231576,0.0,0.0913566441580628,0.0,0.11266916599651645,0.0949524339789473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962799348270737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357412595786648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923922143945302,0.0,0.1849404336085129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091119238246182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714059946675604,0.0,0.20616756170596187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294715158984074,0.0,0.11218380101019204,0.0,0.0,0.0900496488874176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949393317640646,0.0,0.09617472678650983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196208357419348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388064138770725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877948257373615,0.0,0.059003017889817336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664847561675735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166456840933835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385086257898973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410817783784802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283601345239885,0.10075140136885136,0.0,0.10301615918992146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275086341282871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921212972483995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575374808204665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444015560028124,0.20633538663218626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161953774366735,0.09168604928716867,0.204250554494511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147790600962803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743594652377548,0.0,0.10118684926098877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383859605218986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265228768131466,0.0,0.10548203074141536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928246612836835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858439908514247,0.37994721339050025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952509373337197,0.0968769648193374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253291692081405,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alt3x,2018/02/10,"Looking up? Just got out of an abusive relationship where I was beaten and cut and verbally assaulted on many occasions. I cried when she left me. The thought of being alone hurt more than her cuts and bruises and it made me question why that is.

I'm free now. I went out and took the money I would spend on her for valentines day and redecorated my bedroom. New desk, lights, sheets. It's great in here now. I'm still alone, but that's OK. We all will be alone at some point. Being alone makes it so much better when you do find someone, because you will love and appreciate them more for it.

I am not sad about my current situation, I'm hopeful and excited for what is to come. We all get lost in the now and forget that people and things change so easily. If any person sees this and wants to talk about anything at all, you are so welcome to. I am thinking about hearing from you, because I want you to know that someone cares and it will all be ok! I will be awake all night until 11am, so I am all ears for any conversation. Having a community that is caring and open is important, and I want people to feel they can talk about their day without judgment or fear. We are all friends here.",3.566416666666669,4.8625701416666685,4.4091666666666685,87.19916666666668,72.58333333333334,7.333333333333335,26.25,7.793537801064563,1.2993749999999995,934,31,198,12,18,301,140,240,0.096,0.67,0.234,0.9933,1,4,0,0,0,0,27.0,3,5,3,3,18,20,4,1,5,2,23,2,1,2,7,49,48,24,0,6,6,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,1,1,13,21,0,0,6,0,3,3,2,8,0,0,7,6,28,13,28,31,11,28,0,3,2,1,24,13,0,5,12,140,41,2,0.0,0.13906905129608646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862564537459811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596367523371632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658883889399617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310025796033998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380780533565807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393413248173828,0.0,0.12416617736429746,0.1011073475713528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892987800747308,0.15139309904099724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207843361274094,0.05934784432411401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727775158150772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068289673642943,0.0,0.06132309456997305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387474686354078,0.12940530001862252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322890802632591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657891147723708,0.0,0.0,0.12565134376943235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450570605362818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752724434857982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985646371830234,0.0,0.1281276363662943,0.0,0.10593465905200854,0.11106216025669688,0.07834808709116384,0.1189988600009342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628342899871122,0.0,0.0,0.11336058497544566,0.0,0.11014759098130524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274476937207374,0.10248648958917354,0.0,0.0,0.11095641206027797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148579376816974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601579933201262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353191814738478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193334541935314,0.0,0.0,0.198901296468168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373506470808576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886816241578246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797810066454698,0.07520854928383636,0.0,0.09318188167035507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040688379358772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769076006104112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880691650914057,0.10591182009831264,0.0,0.0,0.11314439178617715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833791546118064,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rattlingaxe,2018/02/10,"Everything sucks I learned lots of stuff about myself. That I'm not interesting enough of a person to keep people staying with me, I always fuck up and they leave me. I'm the person I hate the most. I'm wortless, I want to die. I got nothing, I dont deserve people to be with me. My ""friends"" who werent really my friends, left me, I only have few online friends who ""care about me"". At school I always was picked on and if I did something to them because they got me mad, I was always the one getting in trouble, because its not about people who starts it, its about people who finish it. I fell in love with someone online, but I dont think she will ever love me because I'm just a 19 year old child and she is a bit older and expierenced. 
But at the same time I dont wanna die, I want to live long life and be happy. I know that if I try to kill myself, I would have regrets even tho I have nothing to regret and I know I wouldnt want to kill myself with euthanasia, because I dont want others to do my job for me. Suicidal thoughts will never leave me until I get to be trully happy, but I never will be, everyone in my life leaves me all alone... After I finish school, I want to fly to another country and kill myself there if I will still have this depresing feeling or something. And if I kill myself in foreign country, my family wont be worried for a while, because they wouldnt know. I really dunno what to do now, I just want to kill myself, I got nothing to live for, only plans that will only remain dreams. 
",4.443954030646238,4.339405360759496,5.683657561625584,83.93622584943374,69.75949367088607,7.918454363757495,27.70752831445703,7.273561745256523,1.3987113924050631,1178,35,247,10,19,396,137,316,0.197,0.682,0.121,-0.9854,2,1,2,0,0,7,40.0,0,0,4,1,12,21,9,0,8,0,28,5,0,1,4,53,57,19,8,16,12,0,1,0,3,9,2,0,0,3,15,12,0,1,7,1,0,1,11,12,0,1,7,1,57,9,39,36,7,27,0,2,0,3,18,9,2,8,16,183,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762861405308839,0.0,0.0,0.18386485614895254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723548538746458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245022416601388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041405321632232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509792743812069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288807752620867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453004743099018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610707377576596,0.0,0.0486495639862504,0.06662671345520857,0.0,0.07038214535949586,0.06619790385487914,0.0,0.06943699334110721,0.0,0.03724304701715684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072098027836352,0.06809444389198166,0.07696518450895416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673000515750778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681788036535008,0.0,0.07272075447668527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309292181869344,0.0654694704628344,0.4074511966007979,0.0,0.12143940883396374,0.0,0.0,0.23397547029829205,0.08002823373506769,0.0,0.10405182876641153,0.0,0.0,0.13008045332377308,0.06518387279194332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626203030467557,0.1329561177074592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136171950683606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120268067598041,0.0,0.07729032946026543,0.0,0.04991169469507798,0.16805774704758691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042571610324778,0.1286284007064456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437275233364477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908905095083194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240909354417416,0.11340907177132717,0.0,0.0,0.05213460027331595,0.07850825527308684,0.05882234581283746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431931369028998,0.08056848859457791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719624729371988,0.0,0.05847520225407931,0.042949821437132316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000807288838969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606678247566785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480196700715043,0.0,0.05232361530268021,0.0,0.0,0.04743250797149517
suicidewatch,Throwaway1234588888,2018/02/10,"I don't know why I'm posting here, I feel like I should As the title describes I honestly don't know why I'm here, I already downed a shit ton of Lamotrigine and I can already feel myself getting weaker. I guess I just want someone to talk to until the end. I'm a clinically diagnosed borderline and honestly I just wanted to die not because my life is hellish, but because I can see how much hell I put everyone around me through. My therapist always tells me how impressed she is with my progress, but I can't see any progress. I try, or rather tried, so hard to get better and I always tried to keep up the boundaries and be the person I know I could be, but I'm such a fuck up. I wish that I were a hermit or something, I never wanted to hurt the people around me. 

If anyone here reads this and has BPD please go seek help, it was too late for me but it's not too late for you",3.1457816377171213,3.8803941075268815,4.517956989247314,88.1546277915633,72.9784946236559,7.443507030603808,26.673283705541767,7.61054688173877,1.263482712985938,688,23,153,8,13,229,107,186,0.117,0.698,0.185,0.9055,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,14,10,4,0,9,0,14,5,1,2,1,36,35,17,1,8,12,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,5,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,5,29,5,18,29,2,13,2,1,2,1,6,5,3,4,6,103,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784127310354732,0.0,0.20992884022571728,0.0,0.0,0.08578429449943102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820492444478939,0.0,0.0,0.2245951723022537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379609635113556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156678163240998,0.0,0.0,0.15887774669170854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071812508021756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803656266307895,0.13092068328741102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172881096284218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053887668408285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756743997531148,0.09011945118124436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662088066855665,0.13181321537026475,0.0,0.07169225445839704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896515658784045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300294570991462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455368364454316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504298628426706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212526112103052,0.0,0.0,0.20798129768930265,0.0,0.2845986501307144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910136578222104,0.06162905854392335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273256910179667,0.0,0.0972923530220918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745445531596342,0.11014670589842404,0.0,0.13847153886590927,0.0,0.0,0.12081396804964065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681258994713634,0.0,0.0,0.1261811500173819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010456738559961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948809590326207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106883954620341,0.09711413347288612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139219056022933,0.11025804938047007,0.0,0.0,0.14646640469225394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569366236413943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321432959569604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276561163583457,0.0,0.1450628392258829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeadSulley,2018/02/10,"suicide is shit too guys think about it... what if when someone dies, he is reborn into the world again and then its even shittier!! idk if im the only one but i think the hell is better than heaven. heaven sounds so.. corny, man.",-0.2258074534161487,2.065782195652176,1.3380745341614926,97.17369565217396,96.6086956521739,3.4981366459627328,13.093167701863356,5.288315135182226,-1.1399527950310562,175,3,37,1,7,56,38,46,0.239,0.562,0.199,0.1615,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,5,7,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,3,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,3,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27841791385579084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267160976423364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20792459366053787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31170473480597793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34004155670112324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331884580334493,0.23942207564457546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231410371711557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667317926952514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443436873885629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40342645387828935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nikkonikkorice,2018/02/10,I was almost hit by a car on the way home today My body instinctively moved out of the way. Looking back on it now I'm kinda of sad that I just didn't let it hit me.,0.407692307692308,1.0704584871794864,3.3979487179487187,93.85538461538464,79.51282051282051,6.2256410256410275,18.128205128205128,6.42735559955562,-0.3908871794871796,127,2,34,1,3,46,31,39,0.079,0.921,0.0,-0.4256,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,6,2,0,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145700951117485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24155754248875866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489434505187151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151123032978527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212337864723778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638020564343868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338856292955793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29777202349459103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987061776256953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,opsimathus,2018/02/10,"All I want is to achieve adult milestones (degree, career, homeowning, marriage, and childrearing). Being 28 and a straight male who lives at home feels like you don't -- and can never exist. I try pushing myself to accomplish things and it only reinforces guilt because I can't really be who I imagine myself as. The things people say and have said to/about me throughout my life really f*cked my head up and made me into a vindictive jerk I wouldn't want to be around, and I'm starting to see why people ignore me. ",8.02704081632653,7.229019051020413,7.947877551020408,72.98997959183674,62.57142857142857,10.697142857142858,33.885714285714286,9.888512548439397,3.2346710204081632,409,14,72,7,5,132,70,98,0.073,0.825,0.102,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,2,4,1,1,3,0,9,2,1,1,2,18,17,8,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,2,5,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,4,13,1,9,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,3,48,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841114144672926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271375320327698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837509909123275,0.1672511256115496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402685593790997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348354827677457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536167858625775,0.11437630030747975,0.0,0.20672699718877127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215243767553496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056318966717896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780542862192316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32461041206127506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999589132398652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269607514304227,0.18617689089451292,0.0,0.0,0.18655858868981814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657071310677823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110699469622117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894807373837253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276173067250675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112515179254195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mysonking,2018/02/10,/u/TVTestPattern is very depressed and suicidal Can someone please help. Please see his latest post:https://redd.it/7wfio3,10.49450980392157,15.294638058823528,5.361176470588237,66.71862745098042,80.17647058823529,9.325490196078432,35.07843137254902,8.841846274778883,5.185996078431374,105,5,11,3,3,27,16,17,0.326,0.39,0.285,-0.469,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702357903714727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103026380117128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6888151682536783,0.0,0.0,0.3004895244577785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500212512946328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658426770887654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431958626641143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588798418417197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobabypigeons,2018/02/10,"So lonely I am so fucking lonely I can't breathe. In 35 years I have never met a man who hasn't hurt me. All anyone wants is to use me. I am strong, independent and kind. I don't understand why love is not available for me. I am so sad and I don't want to die but the pain of having no love is too much. I don't have much longer to live. Not that I will be missed. I'm devastated that I never got to feel loved.",-1.7799290780141843,0.06330082978723439,1.2735106382978714,99.88416666666667,93.89361702127657,4.409929078014184,14.21631205673759,5.985473137389443,-1.007181560283688,314,6,83,3,12,110,59,94,0.282,0.589,0.13,-0.9435,0,4,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,1,0,2,0,16,6,1,2,3,14,29,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,1,13,5,7,25,3,4,0,5,0,4,6,1,1,0,3,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338479055975994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282297866323985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368599473464726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957740347051075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640075830867972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952414138798146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354151835574944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107435184070647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552319865586215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014897429463203,0.0,0.3163143951190801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182014489396389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347777474749344,0.0,0.17710855847049176,0.0,0.0,0.2419028952595461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503742715703925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205382388605144
suicidewatch,srxtblue,2018/02/10,"I'm going to do it soon. I can't take it. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Its been 3 years of non stop anxiety, depression, loneliness and humiliation and I'm sick of it. Any time I'm at the train station all I can think about is throwing myself onto the tracks. I doubt anyone would care, or even notice. I'm setting a date to go out into town, visit my favourite places one last time and then jump off the bridge.",1.4412362637362648,3.049880527472528,3.239656593406597,92.09596840659344,78.89010989010991,6.308241758241758,20.166208791208803,7.1686216300943375,0.25074615384615395,332,8,77,4,8,111,67,91,0.214,0.752,0.034,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,13,19,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,10,17,2,21,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,2,8,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860894447673055,0.0,0.2093393196273995,0.0,0.0,0.19134044887181367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27900150556225944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569188805782465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074136078249947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110399614318207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150389316346023,0.22305894925793568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116214042086206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31154909233310835,0.0,0.0,0.18543038989411392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859030273969722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287812692870713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574859989374056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534204339642534,0.0,0.0,0.3191317058507094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943910830020848,0.0,0.0,0.17621979178513794
suicidewatch,FoolishPotato2710,2018/02/10,"Ending my story. Tonight i'm downing a bunch of pills, i'm ending my story.

I'd just like to tell everyone else to not follow in my footsteps, try to stay strong and keep pushing through

Why i'm doing this: My life is a fucking wreck and i've made my girlfriend feel suicidal, so i'm just gonna end myself to spare her the pain.

How: Bunch of pills then hanging myself.

Goodbye everyone, love you all, stay strong.



guess i really am foolish.",4.350374531835207,5.129360235955058,5.177022471910113,84.36568352059928,70.23595505617978,7.7310861423220985,29.44007490636704,7.793537801064563,1.8341220973782768,347,13,69,4,6,113,61,89,0.13699999999999998,0.727,0.136,-0.0184,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,5,6,1,0,3,0,3,6,0,2,1,11,15,5,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,4,9,13,3,12,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,1,6,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291044213577238,0.0,0.5181775980262305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726913708927512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860570588002597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802887047180509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148315802327661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333875355594167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774522824210728,0.09527473188489326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600911965624502,0.18452839919279845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751026164913552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493193501881085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157211908599084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133153252980445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045215911238978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324027361291852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597117301847928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CariocaWx,2018/02/10,"How can I overcome my survival instincts?   It's been hard to make the final move. I've been mentally preparing myself for suicide by breaking it down into steps. Just wondering if there are any other opinions on how to overcome my natural instincts for self preservation. 

I plan on jumping off a 10+ story parking garage. I imagine if a get a running start that should be enough to distract my subconcious and finally be free.",5.662700421940928,7.555462632911392,6.124746835443041,74.60247890295359,68.24050632911393,8.810970464135021,38.4831223628692,9.2995712137729,4.08937805907173,344,20,54,7,6,111,61,79,0.103,0.8240000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,4,0,7,0,0,3,0,12,11,5,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,2,11,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,3,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201888641060876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27656570961057264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864198189815293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398420003096048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977198226388116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866601964709514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697396712286149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284481639895212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792291473454281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945207067525394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927780574780943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902673003185192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kimmalin,2018/02/10,"I think i may kill myself soon I have nothing going for me, already tried last year to overdose, i feel like everyone hates me and im unlovable and unwanted. The only thing stopping me right now is knowing that it would destroy my mum. I feel like such a burden and i just dont want to be like this anymore. I dont know what to do with myself. ",1.3099404761904765,3.2904315416666705,3.007539682539683,91.82000000000002,80.80555555555556,5.2253968253968255,24.174603174603178,6.18269132825596,0.5949103174603172,269,10,57,2,7,89,52,72,0.281,0.626,0.094,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,15,16,3,1,3,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,13,3,5,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119449481429035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878618848234014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698368082202748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153244777603656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027006116792562,0.2863938930211725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391671600679923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789655512625687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165134822079886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176114307290545,0.0,0.22031711889087094,0.16338828527639945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937798516569969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233103834036006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244638866547175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117773754519666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757982325536716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316581994089347,0.12843616408447114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608804562510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182268274552901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423893810600065,0.0,0.0,0.1290791053545389
suicidewatch,BagelMatt,2018/02/10,"I want to donate my body I want to die. I don't hold the desire exactly to kill myself, I just don't want to be alive anymore. My life isn't shitty, I was not abused as a child. I'm more fortunate than a vast majority of the world being that I don't ""need"" for anything. I've never starved or lacked a place to sleep. I hate me. 

I don't want to be alive and there are too many sick people out there clinging to life, wishing for another day and or chance. I want to kill myself in a way that does not damage the majority of my body. Once i know how to accomplish that, I plan on doing it at a hospital, giving a note to someone beforehand so that my vital organs may be utilized. One ungrateful life to save the lives of those who want it.",3.61,3.774239458598728,5.264210191082803,85.2842133757962,71.61146496815286,8.572993630573249,25.89108280254777,8.548686976883017,1.4942438216560507,573,16,129,9,10,196,92,157,0.146,0.613,0.241,0.7634,0,0,0,0,1,7,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,3,0,10,0,13,7,3,1,2,25,25,7,3,10,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,18,2,22,19,4,10,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,3,2,87,26,1,0.0,0.17612630314674865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587280514291413,0.0,0.0,0.1474211583614713,0.0,0.0,0.12232653463218933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302339545841649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958671487563775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542755470323314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130084883050991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425989170704442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676140035276816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289190747200831,0.0,0.08169431971537501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31498831816825235,0.0,0.0,0.13126094211825354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507080769970841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022231711536308,0.1146482786955422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830772268435922,0.10072929331031556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030554041996984,0.0,0.15530792941449215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875765779639433,0.0,0.12595092046557926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5260668053226154,0.11799169247056368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094051385682155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsjustme1505,2018/02/11,"I have no will to live Everyone who loves me will forget 
Everyone who hates me will be so happy
The person who I love most in the world hates me
What’s the point ",1.6284761904761886,3.1665985142857167,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,78.14285714285714,6.9523809523809526,17.38095238095238,7.793537801064563,0.1196666666666668,128,2,30,2,3,42,24,35,0.208,0.526,0.266,0.6948,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039914566791049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807348069420532,0.0,0.5207377352921695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328695609563481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760351300426805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027010156915698,0.0,0.0,0.2493006090587035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Schignificient,2018/02/11,"I don't want to live like this but dying is scary This is hard to write but lately life has seen hopeless, everything that made me happy is gone.  I had been with my dream girlfriend for a few years, the kind of girl I had always dreamed of being with, until we got in an argument and she decided she didn't want to try to talk out our problems and just leave.  She left me right before Christmas over text, and got with another person on my birthday (new years).  She was my reason to live and work hard, my greatest fantasy and motivator I would think of when trying to push myself to succeed was the thought of the two of us starting a family in the future.  I don't have that dream anymore, so I feel like I have nothing to live for.  It's hard imagining being with another person, and instead of recovering a little each day I think more and more about just ending it.  


What doesn't help is that I live alone at my University, and while I have friends I don't see them much (despite them knowing of my situation) due to their heavy academic workloads and fraternity obligations.  It's very difficult to reach out to other people as well because of the Greek dominated social climate on my campus, sure there are some clubs but they met rather infrequently and only emcompass a small variety of interests (though I have joined some of the ones I can).  I try to go to bars alone but most people don't entertain meaningful conversations with total strangers, so the best form of interaction I get regularly is playing VR Chat and trying to make friends on that.  I see the parties and events my friends go to...  And I would do just about anything to be able to have fun like them.  But I'm a Junior and don't come from money, so joining a fraternity isn't a realistic option.


I haven't been to class all week and stopped working out, I hope to try and start again though.  I don't have much of an appetite and things just aren't fun anymore...  All I can think about is her and how I wish I could have just one more day having her to keep me company and help my hurt.  I relied on her for everything because I believed her when she said she wouldn't leave...  Honestly one of the only things keeping me going is the thought she might come back, because she herself said she could see us being together again in the future.  I also try to think about how sad I was when my friend killed himself in his childhood, the new video games and music I'd miss out on, all of that...  Also that maybe one day I will have a family and a loving wife like I've dreamed.  I just feel so trapped like I've died already, like I'm walking down death row or something.  I just wish something good would happen, that someone would really show they care... I know people would be sad if I died, but I wish someone would message me asking how my day was, or something like that.  I just hate living this lonely life and having to live without the one thing that made me happy.  It gets me down how I get no sincere matches on Tinder and no replies on OKCupid, I don't feel unloveable but I'm kinda slipping back into hating myself and feeling hopeless...",5.703739908739912,5.9032610974025985,6.0552457002457025,81.30253071253074,67.08441558441558,8.867251667251669,30.93436293436293,8.605353355243054,2.2443196384696398,2460,88,487,34,37,791,271,616,0.153,0.675,0.172,0.9528,0,5,3,0,0,2,62.0,4,0,6,5,36,42,3,0,24,0,58,4,0,9,5,113,111,52,5,18,20,1,7,7,5,9,2,2,0,3,21,38,1,3,17,13,1,8,16,13,1,6,20,13,82,29,72,75,17,60,0,7,4,1,50,24,0,10,35,348,103,10,0.057816404898258615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976071791838355,0.06380184050121186,0.0924715162172913,0.04810788045098074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212510832820658,0.0,0.0,0.11467667585526835,0.0,0.0,0.04757797495430639,0.0,0.054050533938908935,0.0,0.0,0.08891449314613956,0.0,0.10573303138052906,0.0,0.049197502188983236,0.06513928961137788,0.06067474995200254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894767805517006,0.0,0.0,0.09960742681099127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232338949515058,0.0,0.0,0.14914719251015082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001290075378334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120817392170941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392331339849208,0.0,0.10900832201962578,0.0,0.1169348460206114,0.04130405121157989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867524401840493,0.0,0.090620055825687,0.0,0.09857518584976233,0.04849365734790844,0.09248212125247983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051126855909920686,0.12309327621175375,0.15537642746873795,0.1141634601395062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750623497158568,0.0,0.0,0.05742473554891296,0.0,0.0,0.06189365723091422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277975435382283,0.06396528580687738,0.06020688867344471,0.06354876820493882,0.0,0.06521942303057432,0.12243844951482702,0.06281769309047558,0.0,0.08167487322773448,0.1977232250971151,0.057947226622610426,0.3063176686248203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218156272383494,0.10941456051383884,0.03859289922132933,0.0,0.058084349773299376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133406894634809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850034200820594,0.0,0.0,0.11167888825512168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055476399816942176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588946129689774,0.08794396246422137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120247846176514,0.10096610934892547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055322491211596436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037038669451482834,0.059444893544047875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049374893879643514,0.10999328176349052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821656756620726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498806151804787,0.0,0.05893654380222005,0.09797530449793818,0.13352967943397012,0.0,0.0,0.08184549793278066,0.0,0.0,0.048337103342182525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054491277387562174,0.0,0.0,0.046470636210727015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523195111002033,0.14818567093877774,0.11360864852523543,0.09179953466824148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552126254455605,0.0,0.05647822653339137,0.0,0.13909203269286174,0.0,0.0,0.047704589064816574,0.06820322716078185,0.0,0.046376832577600384,0.0,0.05198389147462757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945803691922734,0.05573295113870117,0.0,0.08418206271198242,0.0,0.0,0.2464266912361661,0.0,0.0,0.07446373833836804
suicidewatch,drwilhi,2018/02/11,"Said goodbye to my pets as I left for work. Not sure is I am going to be back to see them after work. I have been trying to keep my 24 hour deal with myself, but having a hard day with it today. I don't have any plan and do not have anything reliable to do it with on me. But I am just so tired of life ",0.978428571428573,1.3213314142857158,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,77.71428571428571,6.171428571428572,18.285714285714285,5.6839178017228535,-0.551485714285715,229,3,61,1,5,80,50,70,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.8016,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,0,1,11,16,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,10,1,13,13,0,8,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,5,46,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556662770958625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124545440912942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985192531062294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650035451105574,0.2661652306899417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672577797141878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312724749361989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542485949031004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294762006372469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805059349251657,0.0,0.1823553647667595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455818322722929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057306129313255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433251836683923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967321121767613,0.2447180042114717,0.0,0.0,0.17528265444170138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759063258012869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway37766,2018/02/11,"I really don't know how I'm going to live much longer I think I'm hitting my breaking point, which sounds weird to say as I already have 2 suicide attempts in the last two years. I did promise myself that I'd try everything to fix my life before doing that again, but here I am and nothing has changed. Things just keep getting worse and spiraling out of control.

I've been in therapy for over 2 months, which is probably the only thing that is helping right now. My therapist is great and my thinking process is beginning to change and I've learned things about myself, but it still doesn't make me want to kill myself any less. I still feel completely hopeless.

I've been taking antidepressants for 3 weeks now, and they aren't working at all. They say it needs 2-4 weeks to work completely, but I haven't noticed a difference. Maybe I'm just too depressed.

I'm at the point where I'm open to the idea of going to the hospital, but I'm not even sure what that will do. I feel like I will let my therapist know when I'm feeling unsafe, or admit myself to the hospital when it gets to that point. I've even been extremely open with her regarding my suicidal thoughts.

But after a possible trip to the hospital, or the next few weeks, I don't even know. It does feel like I'm going to die. I think I've officially hit the point of no return.",4.977095588235295,5.3289675183823535,5.616911764705887,83.28985294117648,68.66911764705883,9.341176470588236,30.338235294117645,9.325443323948027,2.425788235294117,1063,39,221,20,17,345,144,272,0.149,0.777,0.073,-0.9759,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,2,4,17,9,1,0,11,0,21,1,0,3,2,41,54,16,4,2,10,0,4,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,15,9,0,2,14,0,0,4,7,4,0,1,5,7,25,5,27,44,4,36,0,2,0,0,7,14,0,2,19,134,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076330593082736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632761385038274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299568835831897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635965452624686,0.0,0.20452863056961385,0.0,0.1093945699779978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400734688802515,0.0,0.10122664733430024,0.10190403665051656,0.0,0.0,0.08535413961207174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326421011838973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765878904637353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726790196124905,0.13935903286813509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191674478962164,0.0,0.16629534103628302,0.0,0.0,0.10753344257091828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537611705182092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010592194004527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669420277808979,0.10790878988501176,0.0,0.1608091933579877,0.07950460527598845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997368512837958,0.06889234232944658,0.09530202284501137,0.0,0.08612580121843859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510583046093579,0.0,0.09798771030615164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785205722386984,0.0,0.07169995476011867,0.07232147827463549,0.0,0.0,0.10373031284744297,0.0,0.0,0.09358812511988616,0.11104502954236453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418028738164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688110135347469,0.10995683548329813,0.0,0.0,0.10515997047245984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062483860566612835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329494634541841,0.0,0.15512859098906992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578425607324742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337642838298754,0.0,0.09192623355007552,0.0,0.07333470042362428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115405618499024,0.22649290733622904,0.19439513547884754,0.1874907955259555,0.0,0.07743244302827816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622033110820208,0.0,0.0952781966529502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057529077032445926,0.0,0.2347117417996707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201428794831572,0.0,0.0993972008306886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280978653536727
suicidewatch,ThrowAway291341,2018/02/11,"What's wrong with me... I've lost motivation to do most things in my life... I can't study or do my everyday tasks... It all started in mid-January, before then I was quite happy with my life, good grades, good family, good friends I basically have it all... But then it just came down on me, these thoughts, overthinking, anxiety, basically out of nowhere... every day it just gets worse... I'm losing my will to be alive. My grades are dropping, from a student getting 90s in most of his courses is now dropping to 50s and even might fail some of my courses this semester... I have a paper and couple assignments due tomorrow which I haven't even started... Am I just being lazy or is there something wrong with me...  Every day I have less of a reason to wake up in the morning, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I feel like my friends are becoming distant... It's probably because my personality had a shift these past couple weeks... without them, I just lose another reason to wake up in the morning. I don't think I can continue doing this... I have respect for those of you who have gone through these feelings for years and are still alive... I'm a weak person, I can't keep pushing through... I just want it all to stop. ",3.0902066115702485,4.8117290537190085,4.195942148760332,86.53118595041325,74.57851239669422,7.4846280991735545,27.802479338842968,8.238735603445708,1.8156406611570248,949,38,196,16,20,309,133,242,0.096,0.765,0.138,0.8574,0,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,1,1,6,12,15,0,0,7,0,25,7,4,3,3,38,42,9,0,2,11,0,2,1,2,2,3,0,0,2,16,9,0,2,7,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,6,2,29,8,33,32,7,33,0,4,0,0,8,11,0,6,17,138,45,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849950288206302,0.09374687081156716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470251867911157,0.13534173064105515,0.10427708195591216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015925410436006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118823685344196,0.0,0.1580632483853814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188011912661354,0.0,0.2064995151245578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552486633825895,0.0,0.12392523989483935,0.08754643511689475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893564940800186,0.0,0.12804979342088818,0.0,0.06964535648029123,0.3083557207143413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045182255847426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892395336446654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311483450097528,0.059869476615873836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27419384096223104,0.13377274486278326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300012693660716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698341969526828,0.0,0.2140037764296318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212463293388488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034208287645868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519940956409463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263386842374847,0.0,0.0,0.09434141102256197,0.0,0.0,0.1734764838847887,0.0,0.09786488888348713,0.10245341455267758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141369700492639,0.07852212340891464,0.0,0.09728733344371293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456086573222687,0.0,0.09829850208600596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812936134868635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488419895334316,0.0,0.2679682440072906,0.0,0.07891519894268517
suicidewatch,throwaway061981,2018/02/11,"Need tell someone Just over 5 years ago I got my family (wife and new born daughter) evicted. I was stupid with finances and lied to my entire family and friends about it. This caused my wife, who was already struggling with depression, into a very deep depression. We moved in with my parents, and are still here. Since then she has been in and out of the hospital due to depression and multiple suicide attempts. She regularly blames me for this, as well she should. I blame myself for it all. I take responsibility. I also can’t live with all this fucking guilt. She hates me, again as she should. She has told me she wants a divorce, but she thinks she can’t make it as a single mom. She has told me she wishes I would kill myself. I want her to finally be happy. 

She is currently in the hospital again. I just got off the phone with her. She again reminded me it’s my fault she is there and she that she is suffering the way she is. When she gets out, I plan on going to work and never come back. I have a plan. I just don’t want to be a burden on anyone else anymore. ",1.4514855072463746,3.751456620370373,2.9318679549114357,90.76949275362324,82.33333333333333,6.349114331723029,20.96537842190016,7.586124646067393,0.7558279388083737,834,25,178,14,23,272,120,216,0.18,0.7609999999999999,0.059,-0.9792,3,0,0,0,2,2,28.0,1,0,0,4,14,15,4,2,9,0,20,1,0,2,3,36,37,15,2,8,4,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,18,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,12,1,0,7,0,44,3,27,25,3,30,0,4,0,1,33,11,1,0,15,136,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245498056479298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524436706305643,0.11047249773828928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700022809495965,0.09659243957735582,0.1415433038725232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622304623952196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191038826818506,0.0,0.11899752143391833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35694576745793355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540032266104293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604568866259381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132834324458072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672854354593447,0.1277105041508942,0.0721737483552792,0.0,0.07850955942116015,0.0,0.22097033440847455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705524721739996,0.0,0.1363871071652069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283419545159216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198234778529493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221118342915426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179081234146878,0.0,0.14682360266612954,0.0,0.1024309044495084,0.10654400295425154,0.1334188757237183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339088485468266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427289359267777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704768178693245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032076935692987,0.0,0.0,0.14441652239982075,0.0,0.15110546043097545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038659589257883,0.0,0.12074262338228567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851612835656028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640021344866629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139820200457256,0.2444400556997012,0.10965107696509774,0.0,0.0,0.12420668695133648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885704365198308,0.0,0.0,0.10056937652780726,0.0,0.0,0.09813245996843496,0.0,0.0,0.08895923308794744
suicidewatch,justanothertway,2018/02/11,"People don't want me, but they want me to stick around. Fuck them. Can't make a living, can't find a purpose, can't find a reason to keep giving a shit, can't make any meaningful change in my life.

Recruiters pay me lip service, telling me I'll find a job soon, *but it won't be through them*.

Family tells me I should call them more often, *but they don't want to hear my problems or help in any way*.

Society tells me that suicide is never the answer, *but suffering in perpetuity and becoming homeless is a-ok. After all, welfare and compassion are dirty words.*

Buck-passing assholes. They only care about virtue signaling and feeling good about themselves. Meanwhile, they're enjoying their successful careers far away from my sorry ass. Sucks for you, bro!

I'm seriously considering taking what money I have left, going to Japan, having a good time until it runs out, then hanging myself in the forest. Because I no longer have any agency or control in my life. It's been the same god damn bullshit for a year now, and people keep telling me it's going to change, and IT NEVER FUCKING DOES.",2.698584415584417,5.262963871428575,3.6412987012987017,85.95779220779222,79.33333333333333,6.103896103896104,24.78354978354978,7.348242739294969,1.327238095238096,863,32,159,12,22,276,132,210,0.245,0.599,0.156,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,1,7,2,6,13,5,0,10,0,16,7,3,4,3,36,34,13,1,5,6,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,7,0,3,7,0,2,4,10,8,0,0,1,2,23,5,21,30,3,24,0,1,0,3,17,10,6,3,9,98,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397937498928473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463554525229322,0.0,0.0,0.1104327259084745,0.0,0.0,0.07165131037508865,0.12981372677030625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002151080890633,0.0,0.11983989263546994,0.0,0.24868352969379776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183113653644685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028600709835335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108062780265773,0.0,0.0594317700662436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32228836975424285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173277245716577,0.0,0.11275510565121855,0.13360141375657256,0.1971739984274042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247615461049406,0.0,0.0787846034315485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664034151119075,0.20894995584617126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770758482674854,0.0,0.16604399632953584,0.0,0.0,0.10378999855315002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569177634052706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130823210473826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939448819159841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297491211277154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246993309761028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085072550912518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065315010676304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315764387042015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856971360404196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837547335622503,0.0,0.4109406626017309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853853582017506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798446240811186,0.09329780354441404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569192461960841
suicidewatch,catfinity,2018/02/11,"When to consider residential inpatient vs outpatient therapy (TW suicide mention, crossposted from mentalhealth) Hello everyone. Sorry for the crosspost, just wanted to reach a broader spectrum of potential insight. I appreciate you reading this.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately and I’m finding myself more and more scared of my recovery efforts. I continue to feel suicidal, helpless and worthless- I don’t want to get better, it feels like. I’ve posted in the past about some issues I’ve had.

I currently attend a two hour DBT skills class once a week and therapy for an hour once a week. I’ve known DBT skills for quite some time. Practicing them has mixed results but never takes away my depressive/suicidal feelings. I am uninsured technically but receive some coverage through the county I live in (I’m in NC).

Two weeks ago I went to the hospital for a minor attempt and psychosis. I felt better psychosis-wise once I was off the meds I took(I started a new one recently and hello another reaction), but that is part of the pattern I’ve noticed. I was simply feeling guilty for stressing out my partner with our separation and feeling restless in the hospital waiting to figure out where I would be placed (although I don’t enjoy most activities I still try to pass time and distract myself- usually this makes me feel mindless and numb even when engaging in mindfulness/etc). So I lied about my suicidal feelings to the doctor so I could go home, and agreed to continue recovering at home with my outpatient resources.

I was inpatient a few times last year. It’s not a ball being there, so I’m not itching to go back. Yet I somehow felt like I was able to focus on my recovery there. I attended daily classes to stay active and met with a psychiatrist and therapist about every other day or everyday. It was not a low stress environment or anything nor is it some sort of “vacation”.

I’m wondering if it’s not the step I need to take, being there for a bit, establishing some sort of progress and then stepping down. Transitioning isn’t easy but I’m unemployed and aside from my partner have nothing else going for me. My therapist got a little crabby when I mentioned how I felt I got out and like I’m not able to make myself take the steps in recovery I need to (not that I even know what those are?? I can’t even imagine a few days from now for myself, I’m getting by day to day), and she snappily said maybe the hospital is right for me and I’m never going to get better. She was trying to challenge my thinking, but it honestly just made me feel worse. I’m just so tired of everything and with fibromyalgia, it’s all really hard for me. I feel so guilty, especially comparing myself to others (which I try not to do because I get my problems are valid but ugh). 

TL;DR when do you consider residential inpatient over outpatient recovery, especially when outpatient isn’t particularly helping and everything feels like it’s getting worse?",5.5361305207646705,7.227965189189197,6.443142166556799,72.97860909690179,68.27927927927928,10.09931883102615,34.43748626675456,10.322093796472897,3.9968395956932525,2380,116,402,65,41,788,271,555,0.118,0.772,0.111,-0.8438,3,0,0,0,0,1,61.0,1,2,1,10,29,23,0,6,25,0,28,5,1,5,3,93,79,42,3,8,20,0,14,4,2,1,5,1,2,2,17,27,0,1,21,2,0,12,15,12,0,3,17,15,57,11,64,57,13,71,0,3,0,0,16,20,0,13,41,272,74,6,0.13610708667234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060325360051672564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136007388572646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600226762798291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393854414998935,0.0523289741309793,0.0,0.041484808367576766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056348630490995,0.07429684360990425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433521678671143,0.0,0.0,0.17555562209063175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965568528011064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685000301742011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589768996158627,0.13484617063586127,0.0,0.05733804538597977,0.06502807702824018,0.12232427326548752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440991629095451,0.09723492991420153,0.1960262214703463,0.0,0.062199705715370174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777583793365198,0.0,0.1547055878898681,0.0,0.10885727083086287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060962607751037075,0.0,0.0,0.07233773423919403,0.0,0.0,0.045614855591107915,0.0,0.13652650542587802,0.0,0.1340380636874831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103021837732497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03740044766364645,0.05547272080441243,0.0767673610869028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299009502720466,0.06820752873016253,0.060092525564549686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643939081705234,0.09085253724263584,0.0,0.06836893129910854,0.0,0.07559214507333488,0.0,0.06858196531864287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092168016090704,0.10497417597744656,0.06572653622254297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529921024526864,0.07747941014407776,0.0,0.21742440787690887,0.046114842204133484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369535566368668,0.06496480753331044,0.0,0.0,0.0711014683279482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651764827791597,0.0,0.0,0.06511805014093255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238332021424429,0.06807195959148796,0.0,0.043596842471720035,0.0,0.0671946640038264,0.0,0.0,0.05811735417084572,0.06473450381731291,0.0,0.06813346891612942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618037013918683,0.0481686482430064,0.07253602238429413,0.05434764761661101,0.0,0.15591020792532173,0.07114433950336523,0.0,0.29775812349091657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153503385662499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565031546004382,0.15803081807937552,0.0,0.043605962688175036,0.0,0.0,0.1190477051742576,0.07821753698428227,0.0,0.0,0.07560999066108162,0.1386116663200566,0.0,0.1329568465456745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495136345260782,0.0,0.08027948613236438,0.0,0.1637653426134641,0.0,0.0,0.06308631647190494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380116477827517,0.0,0.0,0.13870474927283635,0.04834328463446922,0.0,0.0,0.04382425068543119
suicidewatch,UserUnknown98,2018/02/11,"I don't want to turn 20...... Short introduction, my name's T (that's it internet folks). My birthday is in august, I know it's still some time but I am tired of being tired, sounds stupid I know but I'm planning to kill myself one day before my birthday.... I've been thinking about suicide for about 3 years and I almost killed myself but I didn't do it... I think I was just too afraid....",-0.16814814814814485,2.0333082962963007,1.6998641975308644,97.30238888888893,89.49382716049381,4.227654320987655,16.741975308641976,5.6839178017228535,-0.6672232098765436,296,7,68,2,10,97,56,81,0.36,0.64,0.0,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,13,15,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,1,13,0,7,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225309060142215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146187917700047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451090018873044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978673012964914,0.0,0.24731268943620865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246857137910916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796885296330297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461179174387109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28834702741673257,0.0,0.0,0.13120167438740926,0.5172181254787941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447398011986513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271322178083333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448952349048419
suicidewatch,theowaway_brokensoul,2018/02/11,"At a low spot Hi all. I’m not doing well right now. I want to write it out to get out of my mind, though I doubt it will help. 
I tried to kill myself on Christmas Day. I ran away from my wife because she was depressed and crying that we were spending Christmas alone, after everything I had done to make it a nice day. I just felt so worthless and helpless. It wasn’t my first attempt last year; I had several failed attempts as my technique evolved... I was really committed to killing myself.  I still failed on Christmas (obviously, unless I’m now in hell... although that would also make sense) and went back home to a distraught partner who was certain I had succeeded and was preparing herself for the worst. She has stood by me through so much; my abusive family, my transition. And now her wife was trying to kill herself because it would mean no one else would have to suffer her miserable existence. 
I went to the doctor. They pulled me off the antidepressant Effexor because my behavior matched the black box warning for Effexor. I’ve felt great for the most part since being pulled off: that voice telling me everyone would be better off with me dead was silent. I was able to work through some shit with my wife, and I started to sincerely getting better. Until the past two weeks
She has been anxious because of her work, and has been pushing that anxiety off on me because I’m “getting better.” One thing is she wants me to start confronting how my father molested me. Just, all the most fucked up shit he did to me. I have to deal with it right now, in her eyes. 

Last night, she just kept pressuring me for sex. Just over and over, and every time I said no, she’d act like she had accepted my refusal, then start pressuring me again. 

I’ve always found that sexual activity makes me feel gross. I hate my body. Those memories come back. And since it all had been dragged to the forefront of my mind, I just had a mental breakdown. 

I had to do what my father wanted because I thought it would make him love me. Make him forgive my transgression of telling him I was really his daughter. 

I want to do these things for my wife because I love her. I love sharing that pleasure with her. Usually, I can suppress the disgust enough to help her get off...

I found myself thinking today that I need to make her hate me. So we can get a divorce. So with her hating me and out of my life, I could finally end everyone’s suffering and my life. 

I don’t want this. I wasn’t ready for this. ",4.045407073740407,5.550759664609053,4.5133611389166965,86.09913413413416,71.6954732510288,7.805494383272161,29.18451785118452,8.358175599149588,2.0197131131131125,1951,78,389,31,37,617,230,486,0.212,0.675,0.113,-0.9956,0,1,0,0,1,2,62.0,2,0,1,11,22,45,13,5,14,0,45,12,4,7,6,75,90,24,4,12,7,7,3,1,1,6,3,2,1,1,23,23,0,3,10,0,1,8,6,28,1,4,34,7,88,17,61,46,10,57,1,9,2,5,50,21,4,4,29,282,111,6,0.07153682188109556,0.08475943614141743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409057309214996,0.0,0.057207970612770234,0.0595243665003893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054725472934146105,0.08081624657884286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721119900546492,0.11001480064414827,0.0,0.3052572784655858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898055167269845,0.0,0.07946128228780966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162263774746364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711633126787965,0.0,0.078579839726013,0.0922706640393814,0.07375132218810171,0.06161455986225565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732209684699918,0.0,0.07320700583841973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059759835277164976,0.0,0.06336039093298629,0.07391666000104179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027285779265131,0.1367129979010784,0.0642926827858257,0.0,0.0674385490553906,0.0,0.036171166584078665,0.0,0.13737313495519515,0.0783650916785114,0.0,0.060849184147457484,0.0,0.15687286559716448,0.0,0.06613463910008238,0.1868751842971694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788695986710744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188340388080898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589924755082208,0.0,0.07175726510267204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743468304846704,0.0,0.0,0.11662411545104218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101057145779562,0.03494927770665635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369432419506746,0.0,0.2865083045889415,0.0,0.0,0.07792457076647165,0.0,0.0,0.07209229081607056,0.0,0.1444635944886669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258779521482645,0.053043646985053636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713246129819278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695040378826468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746740688482483,0.06828999104562472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165663980408813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218411003180304,0.06804789937629774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081624657884286,0.14686303929838224,0.11835199660232405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190239217632295,0.0,0.057129398362122885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250526708742731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505177150642838,0.04583790693114019,0.07028456428589304,0.056792245833044215,0.041713696122749326,0.0,0.06780854256224804,0.0,0.0,0.09713761251389576,0.0,0.06988108027106117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878770265595722,0.0,0.21097135500307213,0.0,0.05738252347843776,0.0,0.06432019409803602,0.13263070116105072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415931665774822,0.0,0.0,0.2540885288632026,0.0,0.0,0.04606736786459015
suicidewatch,devicho,2018/02/11,"I finally stopped enjoying my biggest hobby since childhood. Ever since I was a kid I loved drawing, and apparently it’s something people have considered a talent of mine. For a long time, I could at least turn to doodling something to give myself some kind of a pick up, excepting moments where you just kinda have art block going on. As of late, though, that spark finally seems gone. I can’t bring myself to draw unless it’s some kind of obligation. I pick up my tablet pen and instantly feel every last bit of motivation and energy get sapped from my body, or worse, get so fucking angry that I feel at risk of hurting myself or someone, because I can’t even keep his part of myself alive. I was invited to work on a project involving art, centered around something I should enjoy, and instead I’m kicking myself so hard for ever agreeing to it that it just makes me furious.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m not happy, at all. I don’t have anything to offer the world that someone else couldn’t easily fill, in a drain on those around me, and one by one I’m losing all the little bits of me that make me “me”. All I am lately is tired and angry and lonely, just so sick of how long I’ve been unwell and how nothing ever seems to help. All the bullshit about how I have things to live for and how I’d be missed just feels like exactly that: bullshit. I desperately need something to change, or I won’t even live to be as old as my dad was when *he* killed himself.",6.182635135135138,5.523356722972976,6.733783783783783,79.73520270270271,66.22972972972974,9.562162162162162,31.675675675675677,8.841846274778883,2.4100581081081085,1154,39,232,16,16,379,161,296,0.179,0.72,0.101,-0.9775,1,2,4,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,3,24,16,3,1,9,0,21,5,1,9,8,55,44,25,1,4,11,1,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,11,0,3,7,2,0,4,7,8,0,2,5,4,34,8,42,33,10,36,0,4,0,2,11,16,1,8,17,163,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599921757175892,0.1860643095628231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370565357148665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281861320669253,0.11608218035137872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055308485408834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343923073418928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730103236047046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804994759935285,0.2835939383899158,0.08805048883099786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585235385854175,0.07465883300311044,0.0,0.2289615884256337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661375807758464,0.10919974217485844,0.10025130959126603,0.059392949946636124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124817158277428,0.09361650500565752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004791156927917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187542344173444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092889393307883,0.11561998038858284,0.21765303476320366,0.057433553535249274,0.08518602527752553,0.23577377374710146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105616523025698,0.10474208191466618,0.18456074724659616,0.1849683632476932,0.0,0.11691505288334765,0.0,0.0,0.09432039867672608,0.0,0.1395166204550562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748959013160157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027595715322203,0.0,0.10966106433083296,0.0,0.1416314201541002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316939820813145,0.0,0.07245103570017483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027597583117214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289625109214235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709453872867867,0.32181411573899776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873713744879908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942888766105391,0.0,0.10267623718683387,0.0,0.06093806514353784,0.1201138322776997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367210074333575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608133315636167,0.0,0.1065001509420179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Khalife295,2018/02/11,"I Don't even know whats wrong anymore Im barely hanging on to life and i am currently going through life as a zombie.

I Started skating as a new hobby to try to get out more and to Start exercising more but since then i have just started to feel like absolute shit. I forget my problems when i am skating with my friends and its amazing but at the end of the day when i get home it is as if i am even more depressed than usual. I've fallen back into self harm and my arm looks like a cutting board right now. 

All motivation to accomplish anything in life has dissapeared and i just sit and listen to music for hours instead of studying or completing assignments. When i look into my future all i see is Black and then i tell myself that i am never going to be anything anyway and that i will kill myself before i reach 18 so there is no point in trying

I don't know how to climb out this hole and suicide sounds like such an easy option, but there are people around me who are also depressed and i think someone they know committing suicide might be the last thing they need to do it as well.",4.800223214285714,5.108164290178571,5.663392857142856,82.95660714285714,69.04464285714286,8.007142857142858,28.94642857142857,7.7094869923839395,1.7021196428571432,867,29,175,9,14,285,136,224,0.206,0.6609999999999999,0.132,-0.9767,1,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,2,3,19,14,3,0,7,0,18,6,2,2,4,39,35,27,3,3,7,0,1,3,1,2,4,2,1,1,9,16,0,0,6,1,0,5,4,8,1,0,0,7,26,6,29,31,5,36,0,2,4,0,7,11,1,4,22,131,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257674499676403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720847042932806,0.0,0.0,0.211109063806514,0.11418668479988595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863101269515703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091475481954609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134487700530114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272295166625719,0.0,0.22095595866732667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360834153025187,0.0,0.0,0.16944104853000486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485670600072417,0.0916354635844343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910038081263428,0.0,0.13403061091347307,0.0,0.1457965597126427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866435577525814,0.0,0.1263192158908372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855262837565085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191074352969846,0.0,0.211480012148786,0.1045564282647731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27180075507914353,0.18799739487716705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542746054720602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607323438148727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510990500455964,0.09892902981032907,0.12388308649713285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889256364786913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125575036201768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273619609011042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095411020801976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221385774081013,0.0,0.13381263540530686,0.0,0.13166637769350506,0.10610551681258633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868198377811457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27236856647368834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806111312693637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211283842125276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852162838750403,0.0821896536461195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417258472385194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127028100550967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532931648275987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024211398629624,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jasper1105,2018/02/11,"I'm ready to die. I've told my friends, and none of them care enough to try and stop me. I don't have any hope for the future. I've got nothing to hold on to besides all the people saying vague, useless shit like ""it gets better"". It's never gonna get better.

I'm just an awkward weirdo. I don't fit in anywhere, and whenever I try to talk to people, I just put them off. Every relationship I've been involved with, the person starts manipulating me and making me feel even worse.

But the worst part, and the one I know everyone on Reddit hates me for, is that I'm transgender. I'm uncomfortable in my stupid body every single day. I desperately want to be a girl, but I still have my horrible facial/body hair and my awful deep voice and neither of those things can be fixed even with hormones.

Oh yeah, and today I just found out that I'm not gonna be able to take hormones for a long time. Every day I live is an uncomfortable nightmare, and now I have to endure it for even longer. Not even a brief respite for someone like me.

I've wanted to die for so long. I've tried reaching out to people I know, and they don't want me to do it, but none of them are going to stop me. So I'm going to die, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. I doubt people will care anyways. I bet a lot of people will be celebrating my death cause I'm trans. Well enjoy, cause I'm leaving soon.",2.6477990430622,3.8873404035087726,4.07771132376396,88.90087320574163,74.78947368421052,6.725677830940992,22.77910685805423,7.1686216300943375,0.6157719298245619,1065,28,235,11,22,353,144,285,0.23,0.6779999999999999,0.092,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,4,2,14,17,3,2,11,2,18,3,3,4,2,42,48,15,4,4,8,0,2,2,1,4,0,2,0,2,8,14,0,3,4,0,1,4,9,7,1,1,4,4,29,10,33,36,9,29,0,1,0,0,12,9,1,4,18,139,37,0,0.0993010304238499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752810586564577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564738359450485,0.0,0.22060211797206192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024880371677367,0.2040190239460551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808189930820454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091763759073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026045092664719,0.0,0.26234957625852084,0.0,0.250996202851252,0.09488639002215908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020958464442103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887845440794676,0.07671972977861008,0.0,0.1037613797951494,0.0,0.11287012796603604,0.0,0.07942010535171892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803920918772424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862832913701093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914649874930016,0.0,0.0,0.10514545328195464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702693515260513,0.0,0.08768462914347289,0.17575657420782664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844221850279049,0.0,0.0,0.06628420889305803,0.0,0.1995224640528164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658707637721697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952820168552846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728894814606744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753333913425647,0.0,0.34421415665066385,0.08670582954680897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982496270460962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661214430199982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896816504456483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193108073593088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413744083410442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028578043359962,0.0,0.07930193116885675,0.16604021568028746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466201671301857,0.07981440679851147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597119221964605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057903229397880035,0.0,0.09412576587708472,0.09488639002215908,0.0,0.2022566441008936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757109616349096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892835519253737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119623352627004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ActualPollution,2018/02/11,"What's stopping me. I don't know why I'm not gone already. I am 20 years old and have been suffering from depression for 10 years now. I have experienced varying degrees of suicidal ideation, but now it's at its worse - combined with self harm.

The only thing that is stopping me right now is what (not *who*) I'd leave behind. If I were homeless or without possessions, I'd be long gone. But what's keeping me from doing it now is (I assume) my anxiety playing tricks on me.

Every time I go to plan it all out, I'm reminded of all of my online accounts, bank accounts, possessions, sex toys, magazine subscriptions, investments, and all the other things I don't want other people to have access to. If all of that were to just disappear (or if I got rid of it) - I'd be gone in a flash.

Can anyone else relate? I've been struggling a lot lately and just need to figure this out.",2.348011363636364,4.327274142045456,3.986363636363638,86.07454545454546,77.4659090909091,7.127272727272729,25.772727272727273,8.07648339933343,1.6541431818181818,683,26,137,12,16,228,106,176,0.18,0.807,0.013,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,4,0,17,1,0,0,4,31,28,10,1,5,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,3,3,2,4,5,5,5,0,0,8,1,14,1,21,18,5,23,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,7,12,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087232614390426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469336263868318,0.0,0.0,0.13225271298929978,0.19379866607073945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290800930492347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800414420158584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936056834732873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749394336114462,0.0,0.15127439757989378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811839102216866,0.0,0.0,0.10394767655579328,0.0,0.21336078359456606,0.2002744145585334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673850076517144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080204283181845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402466390399668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984730552816906,0.0,0.0,0.1438512629510772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311274744731206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615265140128688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731669772748756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162629096226386,0.0,0.19773262764070168,0.0,0.20689100696633267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131551554755865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029041206006304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156104511903454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067153113341582,0.0,0.0,0.1823264539064756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275219034583446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24360291494463146
suicidewatch,IodineSky111,2018/02/11,"Anyone from England here? I know it's a lot to ask, and I'm imagining there aren't *that* many British people on here but I thought I may as well ask.

I was released from hospital last night after my sister told my mother I was suicidal. My mum called an ambulance and I was admitted into hospital and released 9 hours later.

Pretty much the last thing my mother said to me was that I was a huge disappointment, that I'm not welcome back ever again and she would not allow the hospital to release me to her. She won't answer her phone nor will my sister. 

I'm asking if there's anyone i can talk to on the phone. Like a call. I know it's a lot to ask and I'm probably not going to get anywhere but I had to try. I won't invade your privacy, or keep you on the phone for long, and I won't drain you through negativity. 

I understand it's a big thing to ask to someone, I really do.",1.3483957219251332,3.0793779572192537,3.8443850267379673,87.09245989304813,79.58823529411767,7.180748663101605,22.764705882352942,8.124751697461798,1.2122748663101603,686,22,150,13,17,240,99,187,0.113,0.805,0.08199999999999999,-0.8234,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,0,8,4,0,0,10,0,15,0,0,1,1,28,34,12,1,2,7,5,0,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,9,1,1,0,9,1,28,3,20,19,3,17,0,1,0,0,27,6,0,5,11,107,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891017839279804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6320750948121248,0.0,0.0,0.10397794913374847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276155096269441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231672041868565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064830656762905,0.0,0.07685020591105138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316717172019246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201921946809742,0.0,0.0,0.14862977573442734,0.22044918089449592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660630060385835,0.0,0.0,0.1196678799031472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22992309549990564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370946460138511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940428131283534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689739208209186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374642978720607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375701517752749,0.1457929969784064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662715721447523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286278024153011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457379856742105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479117426466522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086869255429522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967197513244396,0.0,0.0,0.1073517601967078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921113394242836,0.0,0.09180737204272574,0.0,0.0,0.14077165324205554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158149323618575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605836296541008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadboythrowaway1234,2018/02/11,"I'm overly emotional and lonely and I hate it I'm in high school and this semester i started homeschooling because my grades were all Fs. I'm planning to go back to public school next school year, but for now I'm so fucking depressed and lonely. I've been diagnosed with depression and suicidal thoughts aren't really new, but now they're worse than ever before. I have only 1 friend that I talk to every day, and I love her a ton, but it's not really enough, because shes busy with school and all that. I haven't seen her irl in over a month and I miss her so much. Shes honestly the only reason I havent killed myself yet, but sometimes I wish she would just stop being my friend so I could end it. I just want to spend time with someone in real life. I haven't seen someone my age in over a month and I hate it, but I don't know how to fix it. I've lost a lot of friends lately, and I just dont know what to do...",1.7896212121212116,3.070796181818185,3.4796843434343465,92.1561931818182,77.08080808080808,6.7681818181818185,21.465909090909093,7.413659706084162,0.511221212121213,716,18,166,9,16,239,107,198,0.188,0.655,0.157,-0.7702,0,4,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,12,15,4,0,5,0,15,4,0,2,3,37,34,19,2,4,9,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,9,13,0,1,4,0,1,1,7,10,0,0,6,2,25,5,19,25,6,26,0,6,2,2,12,8,1,1,17,105,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908040678935748,0.0,0.14397336917527245,0.0,0.10048605510510497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428540872525447,0.0,0.0,0.07615840407799603,0.0,0.20342181758114508,0.11985905846490146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384008247996569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283557078974473,0.1045928585309554,0.12201873518657134,0.0,0.0,0.10681933888819843,0.0994960794201976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737085667588835,0.10917247904462518,0.0,0.0,0.06711337714697567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233179231386604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476877078730356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306493002370962,0.0,0.12979856170691906,0.0,0.13321087951576935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341059450882468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890939370096802,0.10039605776037512,0.10658100826330057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885169282160532,0.0,0.08680987829094437,0.0,0.0,0.11405224269489428,0.1255902582295186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796258237744421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441249101587388,0.15130320093181104,0.12141638462535423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780543128168305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011487186688665,0.0,0.11679421882657046,0.0,0.08358484526090251,0.0,0.0,0.09872868771682028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291715025487479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491642264891392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375042114802284,0.06885934024593539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965265448333077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579789215064186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034399373668934,0.08388788377848147,0.0,0.0,0.07604621150539767
suicidewatch,throwaway191092,2018/02/11,"I'd rather end it and stop the suffering I live in a country that's been ravaged by war, i lost most of my friends due to death and going away.. and the only one i cared for travelled far away two years ago but we kept it going until four months ago, they broke up with me and decided that it's better to stay as friends, my life is a mess, i keep missing my university exams on purpose and keep failing, my family are calling me a failure, i want to end it, I'm hurting everyone i know, i am a disease and looking for the best way to end it once and for all ",5.5652500000000025,3.9362943583333347,6.763333333333335,82.19500000000005,67.91666666666666,9.666666666666668,34.166666666666664,8.344100000000001,2.4421666666666666,433,17,98,5,6,148,79,120,0.231,0.628,0.141,-0.8927,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,4,1,13,1,0,7,0,4,1,0,0,1,20,16,10,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,8,0,3,3,1,15,5,17,13,3,21,0,6,1,0,5,6,0,1,10,65,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877666528965313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050024206297198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703406113660614,0.14355529759729954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574276793045878,0.0,0.1654919637323701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312913523169298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550998788460249,0.0,0.0,0.15301706419474664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508098535729589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449582884098828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376261823469466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28854780953416953,0.0,0.0,0.08920462001205272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464857992709925,0.0,0.0,0.14332798785616413,0.0,0.1363045464416386,0.0,0.17718707094835198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955907004057368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286122580165073,0.10998951169597923,0.12344862025768435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300724237763965,0.0,0.13570343085855782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585591311736634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573817297060412,0.12883887310753525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452617211602866
suicidewatch,sananetten,2018/02/11,poem that i write i want to kill myself so bad but it hurts that i didn't even go on a trip or a holiday it hurts that i never been in out of this country i want to kill myself so bad but it scares me cause i never been even alive i just want to live and die but i'm not living now i wanna kill myself but i wanna be in love just once i want to fall in love it doesn't matter if she loved me back i just wanna love someone i wanna trust someone before i die i wanna go on a trip i don't kill myself cause i want to live even just for once,-1.6421428571428578,0.13640764285714546,1.3590158730158741,100.28042857142859,91.61904761904762,3.6774603174603184,11.574603174603176,4.604124745555138,-1.6821073015873018,417,4,107,1,15,146,57,126,0.325,0.457,0.218,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,4,0.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,4,1,3,0,6,4,0,2,2,29,18,9,6,11,11,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,9,0,0,3,0,23,5,18,14,0,15,0,2,0,4,6,6,0,2,4,79,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514472273836769,0.18491025722651924,0.0,0.0,0.09422328205630867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22750092546852765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984102263761114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940884570721772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258610989964049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370780329604146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4900264361586576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29333050262184285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997534739694861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080398109690664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23584819223216996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108602913855454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764275297556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265578344422476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Provencia,2018/02/11,"I hope someone kills me. I want someone to shoot me in the back of the head, or someone to run me over with a truck, or some psycho pushes me in front of a high speed train.

Or a vessel pops in my head and ends it instantly. 

My existence is joyless. The only reason I am not dead is because the process of suicide hurts more than life. 

If I had a gun I would pull the trigger.

",2.251541666666668,3.221111737500003,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,75.375,6.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.7615833333333333,289,10,66,2,6,96,54,80,0.218,0.696,0.086,-0.9146,0,0,0,2,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,9,0,5,3,2,2,0,13,7,5,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,1,11,5,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,6,3,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748569161766536,0.0,0.13277752786971894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929187497399027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470804617370696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301326840565052,0.0,0.21633866896285175,0.0,0.0,0.2331746292705817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409791644491117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538486263184212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565753068747746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239492968148494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536598496372689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382534058609161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847247133046552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472897370025712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,graveyard_flirt,2018/02/11,"I hate that I don't get better I feel like every recovery is a scam to keep my friends and family happy. I keep cycling in and out of wellness and severe low mood and paranoia. I keep hurting myself. I keep skipping my medication. I keep punishing myself. 

I only keep going for other people and that is wearing thin. I want to die, I have a plan. If it weren't for my boyfriend's recent loss (his mother passed) I'd do it. That sounds really fucking selfish but I can't tell anyone else so venting it here. 

I want to be there for other people, but I hate myself so much and I get closer and closer each time. Each self harm relapse is worse than before. Each binge drink is worse than before.

I keep hurting and hurting and not getting better in any real sense. I'm only posting cause I don't want to hurt other people. If there is help I will honestly try. Just can't promise it'll last. ",1.2324033149171283,3.5721824475138138,3.194748618784529,88.27687430939226,83.64088397790056,4.9459668508287296,20.652209944751387,6.2581,0.34545281767955816,697,21,135,6,20,234,100,181,0.263,0.62,0.117,-0.9822,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,4,7,21,4,0,2,0,15,4,1,1,0,32,34,15,1,5,6,1,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,10,13,1,7,1,1,0,2,6,12,1,0,1,3,24,8,13,30,4,13,0,6,0,1,6,7,1,2,4,88,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615664910430694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680234333081161,0.09967924542864688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556352062588295,0.0,0.0,0.17208008685555226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099937757803073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096572752951648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530156175449712,0.0,0.0,0.08126853599118322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196620506223604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917109648258252,0.0,0.049189857029350484,0.0694999118901636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751615964534683,0.0899377528910741,0.1524810693049218,0.0,0.05528890048436914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356092925565144,0.0,0.1920961791405932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520760486508075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165793521873748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6052951906054789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792996757773406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752818711758675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800368125099657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151514237433225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797816347907464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023340197657576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317145216146808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073081337209537,0.06232280340300516,0.0,0.09605649393434708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014887250708377,0.10990354998978183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503075214819754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672724830907125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660496428920014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214237366273985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747025464130614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828199314208395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gigihadont,2018/02/11,"The irony of wanting to kill myself I NEVER support anybody else taking their life. I never want them to go through with it.

But I never want people to tell me *not* to kill myself either, like if I make a post about it. I don't want sympathy and statements like ""you're loved!"" + ""we care!"" but that's what I do to others who are thinking about committing suicide.

I think all of us here value others' lives more than ourselves, and that might be one of the sources of the problem.

A lot of us say ""nobody cares about me"" (and frankly there's like 7 billion people on Earth and most of them are nice, so some are bound to care), but I rarely see ""I don't care about me."" I think we put too much pressure on gaining the acceptance and love of others before we learn to love and accept ourselves.

I'm really tired of feeling shitty so I'm just trying to do one small thing each day to make me feel better about myself (like exercising more, taking better care of my hair, getting outside for a little bit, cooking, studying). I'm not sure what I hoped to gain from this post, but typing my feelings out helped me feel better and I hope it makes you feel better too.",4.630872675250359,5.1324833605150255,5.05340772532189,86.49870958512163,69.47210300429185,7.0717024320457815,26.26294706723891,6.42735559955562,0.9467226895565096,905,25,184,5,15,288,128,233,0.16399999999999998,0.6,0.237,0.98,0,0,0,0,0,3,35.0,5,1,3,6,12,27,2,1,7,0,9,8,1,3,6,55,43,14,3,8,9,0,6,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,13,13,1,1,12,2,0,2,7,4,0,3,0,8,31,23,32,41,10,13,0,0,1,3,16,5,0,7,8,128,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843407994301821,0.0,0.0,0.32608495489844985,0.10063115497527096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698924424327631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944520707413816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700032983942261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23303208122421115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815759870470503,0.0,0.052385139240324265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178291538553962,0.0,0.0,0.18310101522831812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395581553236225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510588191522572,0.18012806752768445,0.09238349922593808,0.08139215556305952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836383279356231,0.24957443041586302,0.0,0.18458245285284566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977830388317094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775918237205933,0.0,0.21327297482486016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492024174996585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278049868433693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655621478967834,0.0,0.0,0.0881989634691036,0.0,0.0926612676919215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904962308007512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330120725400853,0.0,0.0,0.07345148857553901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082441734498508,0.10459902293243832,0.08687378457539455,0.0,0.13860815831277573,0.0,0.08056495520745846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123693048910653,0.17718592779631864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594152730601364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258072975514092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217501931248816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746865728880416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sad_Goes_Violent,2018/02/11,"I have found a browser based chatroom that I use to vent or just talk about suicidal thoughts. asbusstop.net is the website.
 I recently went back to this chat. It's dead sometimes but when it's active it's really fun.
asbusstop gets its name from a usenet group that existed in the early days of the internet called alt.suicide.holiday the group is long gone and is somewhat obscure now. 
 [From Wikipedia.com:]
""alt.suicide.holiday


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Jump to: navigation, search 



alt.suicide.holiday (a.s.h, ASH or ash) is a Usenet newsgroup. Its original purpose was to discuss the relationship between suicide rates and holiday seasons. However, it has since evolved into a broad discussion forum where suicidal people can openly share their thoughts. Some participants are not suicidal, but post to provide psychological support and other input to suicidal or depressed posters. "" 
However this chat is not tied in with the usenet group, the general attitude is still the same. 
[From Wikipedia.com:]
""The community has developed its own unique terminology. ""Catch the bus"" refers to the act of suicide, and the group is described as:
A bus stop where several people have decided to stop and chat before deciding on whether or not to get on the bus.
Newcomers are traditionally greeted with:
Welcome to a.s.h, sorry you're here.""
 That's where the chat gets its name from.
Hope this chat can help some no matter if you intend on doing it or not. There are no methods listed on the site and posting or discussing methods is explicitly prohibited.",7.843053435114503,10.307539755725195,7.354114503816793,65.66979770992367,63.656488549618324,10.736183206106867,37.90916030534351,10.793553405168565,4.857915419847327,1264,65,187,36,20,396,150,262,0.16899999999999998,0.703,0.128,-0.9502,2,0,2,0,0,5,54.0,0,1,1,0,11,7,0,0,21,0,19,0,0,3,1,47,30,18,7,2,15,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,2,6,6,1,5,6,1,0,0,6,0,5,7,29,24,5,32,0,1,0,0,22,13,0,12,12,127,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921749686626336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873031588133543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847640120468925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482772891993983,0.0,0.09993376835191098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721746813037754,0.0,0.0,0.18185774355954626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777036151269501,0.0,0.0,0.11524085630135728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268012390317592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087683735721542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222243326748547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432978041694446,0.0,0.11456253107858907,0.12456943059857535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310773311168036,0.0,0.09597862127785893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475353575976233,0.12988257551450855,0.0,0.0,0.09265920384350246,0.1940073080714696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7614873468462018,0.13166591081964935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325799864122174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842247401248075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020995781069288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755806578681244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nolongerforhere,2018/02/11,"Need away from my life I am sitting here on my last night of having a roof over my head contemplating the easiest way to end my life.
I will be kicked out of my home in a town where I know no one and don't have anyone to turn to for help. I lost my job trying to sort out the absolute shit storm I caused in my life and suicide actually seems the last resort. I am heavily in debt and can't afford to feed myself from tomorrow onwards. I'm all out of ideas and hope. 
I can't go to family for help and the only thing I will miss in this world are my 3 beautiful children. Thank God they live with their mother and are raised right. I shall no longer be a disappointment or a burden.

May God have mercy on my soul.
",3.398684210526312,3.760540447368424,4.855105263157896,87.32673684210528,72.15789473684211,8.448421052631579,23.094736842105263,8.548686976883017,1.0609136842105262,556,12,129,9,10,187,95,152,0.152,0.7020000000000001,0.146,-0.2263,3,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,1,2,7,1,0,8,0,16,6,2,1,1,20,26,7,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,2,10,1,0,3,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,21,2,25,19,1,23,1,3,0,0,6,15,1,5,5,85,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.17321858453463732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411512875192775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667711262311367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823458045806612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721611741340985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673352498360694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087978022349024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217061446972047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23795477175565305,0.0,0.17805127855948272,0.17630181424345814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038074074834844,0.0,0.0,0.17614562130728809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975517172205749,0.28937937973549593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761295944294501,0.0,0.0,0.1567395426296236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376690397829344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161718401103004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657575438369254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028150269286005,0.13500001337397813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158769624014665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159324162973274,0.0,0.0,0.18220560582119225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416088628230954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342210441667962,0.0,0.0,0.11792596486117456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205137631678685,0.19307369899682214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089464553187542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EasternAssumption,2018/02/11,"I don't really want to keep living I'm in grade 12. Have a good social life, girlfriend and high academics. I'm constantly anxious that I won't get into a good university and that my years of working hard would just lead me to failure. I did not spend much time on my applications which I regret and I'm contemplating suicide if I fail because I didn't apply to any safety schools. I think I'm mentally unstable. I have created an image of myself that I deserve the best and when it doesn't happen I fall into depression. I don't know how to change myself and don't feel life is worth living for the years down the road. I'm not afraid of dying but I'd feel it would be such a painful experience for my friends and family. But I really don't want to keep living anymore. ",3.4129245283018865,4.709013641509434,5.1624056603773605,81.65040094339625,72.9622641509434,8.318867924528304,26.45754716981132,8.841846274778883,1.9636075471698118,615,21,124,12,12,210,92,159,0.149,0.748,0.103,-0.6221,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,4,4,9,0,1,7,0,14,3,0,2,0,27,29,11,2,6,6,0,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,0,2,2,9,5,0,0,2,3,18,4,15,23,2,14,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,77,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255597437523588,0.0,0.0,0.17037237842455566,0.14956300034417433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193237881383394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158265795206814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953698778773556,0.0,0.0,0.16297203834254606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989243566358366,0.0,0.15651697456696054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475211223128541,0.1421702502461415,0.0,0.15250813894971485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651543517160835,0.0,0.07879200275943275,0.0,0.0,0.2529845528403429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336078868736626,0.0,0.1350961416909367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933904951812214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680937221304841,0.0,0.0,0.08288123430524492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304313194580365,0.0,0.0,0.39950399012072463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198101337737918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108627055342482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604724774019827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322550084766485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262777564773472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373180736596884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496166717897656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663296127274312,0.0,0.0,0.0879385262513849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790329570061714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097914792215972,0.0,0.0,0.21426220011634706,0.0,0.0,0.19423339645431836
suicidewatch,daboitrump,2018/02/11,"I hate my life Every time I think shit is getting better it gets even worse in a second.
I attempted suicide but did not have the balls to do it.
There is no solution .
Talking to people about it is cringy. 
I have no friends, I dont want my family to know
I am afraid of telling my crush I like her.
Ending it all in two days . I just have to sort shit up with some people.
I was feeling suicidal a month ago for a while. Everyone noticed exept my parents because i hid it .
Only one girl reached out. She didnt help alot and i denied being suicidal


Ps   about to be the youngest teen in my town to commit suicide (I am 15)",0.5311648351648373,2.6326333692307697,2.645274725274728,92.63615384615385,84.53846153846155,5.560439560439562,22.362637362637358,6.868970318607317,0.6255714285714284,478,17,105,6,14,161,87,130,0.313,0.5720000000000001,0.115,-0.987,1,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,3,1,6,0,15,3,2,0,2,15,22,3,4,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,4,0,3,3,1,19,3,16,17,3,12,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,3,7,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090418563580347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002076491484512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060574695871185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523758218714462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307295348687882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079542673095845,0.0,0.0,0.09753735487073208,0.0,0.12442180420922855,0.14110893759361934,0.0,0.0,0.13921400534200826,0.0,0.07466846556747042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114092648682293,0.0,0.15430725167984852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579760751534154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898284102961112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115782714981717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430658895736948,0.0721461093321799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178720632476575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812794950192272,0.0,0.0,0.1000677966826044,0.11231281276017864,0.0,0.0,0.16397461967856125,0.0,0.0,0.20475726366369607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031706972318718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6461260179572316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869485334380127,0.12907367844483514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462360489305563,0.0,0.0,0.08610995930677055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425614457052427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710201436358082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049253109990793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kiwijane3,2018/02/11,"Wanting to kill myself because of financial stress I've been depressed and in a tough financial situation for some time, but recent events have made me incredibly depressed and stressed, and I keep thinking about self-harm and suicide. I'm planning to take a job doing scooter delivery so I can finally make ends meet, but I found out last week that I need to get my scooter's lights fixed. I don't know if I have the money to pay for it, and I don't know where I can borrow the money from. It feels like I'm going to run out of money, and I feel that's the end of the line for living. Plus, it's not like I really have much to live for: I have no friends, and I have no idea how to make them, because I have extreme social anxiety from being bullied in high school. I overreact to everything and have really low self-esteem, so I feel bad all the time. Finally, I'm having a lot of difficulty finding a job in the field I want to work in, programming. Overall, I just feel like complete and feel like ending it all.",7.077391304347827,5.437110483091793,7.703289855072466,76.70276086956524,64.94202898550725,10.985314009661836,34.70966183574879,9.888512548439397,3.1210641545893725,798,29,164,14,10,267,112,207,0.229,0.687,0.084,-0.9855,3,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,1,2,6,13,1,2,10,0,15,0,0,4,2,40,37,16,2,4,5,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,11,0,5,2,5,8,0,0,3,6,21,5,27,33,5,22,0,3,0,0,4,9,0,3,15,104,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717610280637487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514858160548567,0.13893315887535396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194808003020291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963004398841875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027938357228726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241639265464746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880981348991383,0.24423077683592484,0.0,0.2496666697359624,0.10415380878205756,0.0,0.0,0.12494697921830232,0.0880421983799038,0.0,0.05953735766835355,0.0,0.06476387642544502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120400873812796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864256348611008,0.0,0.0,0.22616768644728025,0.10128941557594782,0.12607553807188285,0.0,0.12525458214057728,0.0928894291192042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269277270789906,0.0,0.20125064403108212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688139913084044,0.0,0.10782801495899573,0.1521331601573148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377084374446496,0.08449700249020323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460063883607392,0.0,0.11251789868355794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532965466824012,0.0,0.0,0.23776212554351334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280914283549653,0.0,0.11616389074529992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610726497281813,0.0,0.0,0.1246494750284392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568080343687526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301846604170367,0.0,0.0,0.1328974339246582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442851781348428,0.0,0.09140870782542401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296139631469496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sondernfliegen,2018/02/11,"What else is there? I feel like I have lost my will to keep going.

I moved to a foreign country a few years back, for work. Left my family behind and the few friends that were still around.
As the foreigner and the slightly weird person, I haven't really made close friends since either. People keep their distance. I don't blame them.

I managed to find my current partner last year (online) and we hit it off. I finally had found someone who was on my side. I moved in with them a few weeks ago and we were looking at getting a cat.

Then I got diagnosed with a horrible (non-terminal) illness. I've been struggling with that a lot. There is no cure for it and it will probably leave me disabled at some point. I really don't want to deal with that ever. Or subject anyone to having to take care of me.
My parents avoid this topic every time I talk to them.

And my job... I don't hate it but I feel like a fraud for reasons I am not even willing to admit to myself. So I lie. I lie a lot.
But I cannot go back to my home country.

I am a shitty friend and a pretty shitty person in general. 
Every day I think about how my partner is gonna break up with me. I am currently sitting upstairs while they are downstairs and we haven't said a word to each other after a weird argument earlier. They probably hate me and are just planning on how to get me to move out.

I don't think I got anything to look forward in life anymore. And I keep thinking I just wanna make it stop and would that really be such a bad thing?

It would be the easy way out. But what if not doing it is just too hard? ",1.0826363636363645,3.1028230818181832,2.934848484848488,91.83227272727275,81.81818181818181,5.8181818181818175,22.12121212121212,6.980632752743323,0.612848484848485,1227,40,266,15,33,409,180,330,0.134,0.7659999999999999,0.101,-0.8396,4,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,3,0,6,3,17,14,2,2,17,0,31,3,0,5,1,63,60,22,0,5,11,1,3,2,5,6,3,1,1,4,17,24,0,5,9,0,0,6,10,8,0,0,11,6,47,6,40,40,8,43,0,1,2,0,22,17,0,5,21,196,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793686868950554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838204222362604,0.06936456676842638,0.0,0.08163505448617607,0.08831109443768823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256091709592293,0.08282979119447187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114337389283552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397728780344146,0.10227323309386156,0.0,0.10068826378511336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287080667332478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552219492394404,0.08973417536460862,0.16716446163606494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351911589412153,0.0,0.1003193445642982,0.14174031048591054,0.0,0.10867128954267384,0.09066912073683918,0.0,0.0,0.10877022047415698,0.2299303926046941,0.0,0.1036582326447627,0.0,0.11275792598793533,0.0,0.15868231076867187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886579090751975,0.1958835006695768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950801263340024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844299267139547,0.26452673284670825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086312889054972,0.0,0.10504093025128984,0.10778360792072138,0.0,0.07006953041298089,0.09693048258141243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666099234441971,0.0,0.10829104786554747,0.1686765251826549,0.0,0.09386763116448893,0.0662183170624323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163090911114073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015243346918167,0.0,0.0,0.06877439602317874,0.17323927396810548,0.0,0.0,0.09377825479476208,0.0,0.0,0.10092442048873396,0.2139137529687007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906546338933824,0.10199650422393712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436412077751884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206118193218083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405380145613932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792230986761087,0.08293757918097003,0.0,0.10370780108979344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458779666813024,0.07973506486380201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590561155274953,0.1906945177801658,0.0,0.0,0.05784566893441695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058512096939295224,0.07874218192081392,0.07957411508170961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722204684294719,0.0,0.0,0.1409409597979795,0.0,0.0,0.12776607962686787
suicidewatch,Hoduhdo,2018/02/11,"Ex-suicidal but still depressed people, how do you deal with what you've went through? **tl;dr** people who attempted suicide or had active/passive suicidal thoughts, how do you deal with the experience?

Hey!

So, I'm 23M, got a recent history of depression and anxiety and two times I got incredibly passively suicidal. Never tried to hurt myself, and as far as I know never will but the depression did get serious enough to actually really face death and my mortality. 

Those two times caused me to feel numb to death, which is a real double edged sword. It sometimes pushes me to work harder on things I love because I want to leave a mark, but more often leaves me unproductive thinking ""whatever I'm gonna die at some point anyway"". 

So even though I'm through those experiences, they still haunt me since it caused such a revelation in me - to realize what suicidal people think (I used to think they do it because they're selfish, and oh boy how wrong was I), to go through a serious mental breakdown from the realization that one could take their life so easily and being truly afraid I'll reach that step at some point because of how bad everything was. 

As I said, I never ended up hurting myself - but just having this mental realization and reaching that point did leave a mark on me. 

So I wonder how any of you, who went through either actually attempting suicide or had either active or passive suicidal thoughts, but got a lot better, deal with whatever being in that dark abyss made you realize?

Cheers!",7.108758403361348,7.749183132142861,7.479957983193277,70.7709243697479,64.10714285714286,11.016806722689076,33.97058823529412,10.843485225782073,3.8851680672268887,1207,49,206,31,17,395,155,280,0.277,0.614,0.108,-0.997,0,0,0,0,0,5,38.0,0,4,3,4,18,15,0,1,10,0,15,4,1,9,3,50,40,28,10,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,16,10,0,0,10,0,0,5,3,12,0,3,15,2,25,3,30,20,8,25,0,5,0,1,16,11,0,8,9,142,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.14828808726007753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516679768148339,0.0,0.058123334864406524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634388633179934,0.13894734205458442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719679773932545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610167150257012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066263972728408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349914527768525,0.19632047947980624,0.0,0.07885367441846862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729438818681872,0.07850608776773782,0.0,0.050183074327880536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828456531364135,0.14864307952398195,0.0,0.0,0.038417006104863545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039695623746633005,0.0,0.04318032528884642,0.0,0.1823008113144136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626730842762301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041755789641273744,0.0,0.0,0.24135074304465445,0.0,0.0,0.05366585256974242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645941929329087,0.06857355123619993,0.07189268181838977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313688984604953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579788012033187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051484989370541474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580217496449456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547268690405408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648015241788685,0.048673764540052684,0.0,0.07501959015017548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227294037325997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285018988018473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514466675911098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213530362944339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5817569335130284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712636685163588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047673093087172,0.14605184046092334,0.07464847806256078,0.12063686416115317,0.08860733395916831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158440555523565,0.0,0.14843988407990674,0.0,0.0,0.06562101843549055,0.0,0.0,0.044814080376781966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408656379481879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239542851135458,0.0553132436939489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307054862006642,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dio_Ludicolo,2018/02/11,"A goodbye note I've never posted on this sub before, so nobody here knows me. I doubt anyone here would be affected by this. I don't care. I just want people to know I'm gone. I don't want to be forgotten forever. I'm going to kill myself. I know by the nature of this sub, people will try to stop me. They'll tell me I have so much to live for. But I don't care. I'm not listening. I just want to say goodbye. I'm going to tell my life story so that I might be remembered. 

When I was in fourth grade, I wanted to kill myself. I felt cold and empty and sad and I couldn't explain it. I didn't find my normal hobbies entertaining and I didn't find fun in my friends. I later learned that I had depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I foolishly told my teacher how I felt. By the time the day was over, the nurse called me up to the office. They asked me a bunch of questions and determined that I was truly suicidal, and that I was planning on going through with it. They sent me straight to the hospital where I was locked in a padded room for hours. I was too young to understand what was happening. I thought they would do some tests and be done. It turns out that they had planned to take my custody away from my parents. The doctors on the staff were incredibly new and incompetent, so it was through sheer luck that my parents convinced them to let me free. On my way out early in the morning, I saw people in straightjackets and handcuffs. I saw people crying and screaming to be let free. I had never felt so bad in my life. I was put on some antidepressants and things were good for a while.

A few years later, my mother lost her job. She was a lawyer; a prosecutor. She was asked to resign because a girl fresh out of law school had caught her boss' eye. My mom had been working as a lawyer for over a decade, so she was expensive to pay. With a new student coming in, the boss wouldn't need to pay as much, and could increase profits. My mom was let go without a proper reason. She fell into a state of deep depression over losing her job that she'd had for years. She couldn't function normally and had to get money from disability checks. She gained a lot of weight and was sad all the time. She eventually got better with time, but this period had permanently scarred our family. My mother was one of millions of victims of capitalism.

Many years later, my father was unjustly fired as well. He was a teacher at a local high school. He overheard a student threatening to murder a transgender classmate. My father threatened to call the child's parents and get him suspended, but the next day, my father got tons of accusations slammed against him, many of which could've gotten his teaching liscense taken away. The school lawyers and education board looked into the complaints, and discovered them all to be false. They weren't too happy with my dad standing up for a transgender student however, so they presented him with an ultimatum. He could either quit his job, or get his liscense revoked. He quit his job. Students would throw trash onto our front lawn and trucks would drive by waving confederate flags on the back, threatening my entire family. I was once directly threatened and told to watch my back. My dad eventually found another job, but I never recovered from the events that transpired.

As I entered high school, my hormones sent off my depression once again. I was tired of school, I had no friends, and I wasn't entertained by my previous hobbies. I didn't trust the school system because of what happened in the fourth grade and what happened to my father. I needed help, though, and I took whatever help I could get. I spoke with the school nurse and counselor about all my feelings. I vented to them about oblivion and hopelessness. They took in every word and didn't judge. Then, things became serious. I got too comfortable sharing my thoughts. I told them about my dreams. I told them that I wanted to hurt somebody to relive myself of suffering. They didn't take kindly to this. I soon learned that they had planned to send a police squad to take me from my parents' home. It took some serious convincing on my parents' end to stop them. I felt as if I had a near-death experience. I was almost taken from my parents forever. My entire world could've been uprooted. It was all my fault. I was soon taken out of school because I wasn't capable of functioning normally with my illness. Since then, I've had a lot of time to myself alone with my thoughts. I reflected on my life and my situation. I began writing poetry about my feelings. I talked with my online friends about my feelings, and they've been so supportive. I haven't felt better though. In fact, I've been losing my mind. I've been scared of each passing day. I've been afraid of the sun rising in the morning and afraid of it setting in the night. I've been scared to wake up and scared to sleep. I've been crying for help but nobody has heard me. I've been betrayed by supposed counselors twice now. My family has been wronged too many times. I've been traumatized beyond my limits. I've had trust issues and I've wanted to stop living like this.

In this past week, my online friends betrayed me. Some drama transpired, and they said horrible things to me. They told me that I deserved all of my suffering. They told me that they hoped I would hurt for the rest of my life. They told me that I was no friend of theirs. They banned me from all the servers I was on with them. Now I have nobody. You see, I've been all alone in real life. Those friends were like family to me. They're all I had to look forward to after a painful day. They helped me through everything. But now they all hate me, and I'm truly alone. When I told them I was planning suicide, they laughed at me and said I was looking for attention. I have nothing. I have no friends. My family is broken. I'm all alone. I have no future because I'm mentally disabled. 

So this is where I say goodbye. Hopefully you all know me a little better. I never knew any of you, but I want to say I love you all.

EDIT: It's been a few hours since I posted this, and I need to give an update. Firstly, I'm alive. I tried to kill myself, but I was too scared to do it. I'm a coward. I need help. Please help me. I'm terrified. I have nothing. Please help me.",2.7176923076923067,4.931392463768121,3.6562801932367135,87.7560367892977,77.26086956521739,6.790437260002477,24.70556174904001,7.8233428187116205,1.351663644246253,4968,175,990,79,117,1590,432,1242,0.199,0.6990000000000001,0.102,-0.9991,12,4,0,0,0,5,155.0,2,4,28,16,40,70,6,7,53,0,106,14,3,5,17,165,207,67,6,28,15,16,10,2,7,9,9,9,3,2,39,53,1,5,28,4,8,23,25,34,1,4,106,28,201,38,154,77,28,136,0,14,8,1,120,53,0,15,57,673,240,35,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03739411861337792,0.15470640531535726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025394858947416686,0.03915791329830105,0.02856767346871032,0.0,0.0,0.026111441818266967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982225855361825,0.0,0.07017089058103318,0.05742968919262256,0.031180260677100162,0.0910569981671015,0.0,0.031776565999458176,0.0,0.0,0.09908186688384137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626377265487529,0.0,0.07614836928263312,0.0,0.0,0.03216811658381755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907872092352292,0.0,0.08204015724880669,0.09633386646800107,0.0,0.09649169935075806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042798883566009915,0.03822265219764424,0.0,0.038215363454795086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033075254757533486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03146350736006374,0.0,0.033561927741821894,0.03652910633165556,0.17602063036863386,0.0,0.05664598333575325,0.0,0.17927806980743471,0.0,0.06826256058766443,0.031764360002037736,0.0,0.04094521764913278,0.20196045540824614,0.0,0.07804174485005604,0.03582328569731213,0.08489268112383314,0.031321954056764884,0.08960101933002385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906819486031876,0.03975284762026215,0.0,0.036868972655504914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521391503153713,0.0789109110800908,0.037458572919554484,0.07418103838532203,0.07355164576975673,0.0,0.07995397312615618,0.0,0.0,0.03897690937417906,0.18528829597803165,0.0,0.12394514166442387,0.038887506203153566,0.08209203870926204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455876925972908,0.13188408375129146,0.03648829329232051,0.03742799510807839,0.06594998513316412,0.0,0.09407739841184974,0.0835556434889985,0.04076483898790096,0.06349621252762071,0.0337039645931479,0.0,0.0,0.1135813358910435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03763346232061105,0.0396155496350663,0.03770628716571009,0.08747250616444277,0.0,0.0,0.05490353510309083,0.1107589212418158,0.1152064300849232,0.07213316541463892,0.03971523337586518,0.03504434280221589,0.10976609668867776,0.07166418625985227,0.0,0.0,0.07953921241927978,0.025304920447335517,0.0,0.03973611438428195,0.0,0.2487932088387477,0.0,0.035648593986938364,0.10355711707050416,0.0,0.0,0.08198389269855956,0.0,0.0,0.07152949605521743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037540529455371084,0.041833263799798084,0.07943881285020576,0.0,0.042505075828183324,0.0,0.03839533510821603,0.0,0.0,0.042302903128192015,0.0,0.07104443563066168,0.08909114450653934,0.1495494229898176,0.3023489061573858,0.029757932727389982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061781854263254735,0.04197565596058925,0.03737046665137501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366250843438832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169545061145386,0.0423769585632442,0.0,0.0,0.0842329882728738,0.030015288843620383,0.06527972580931844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442808144259518,0.0,0.07337959362456811,0.08893969741287422,0.10887646886502912,0.0429208570683643,0.0,0.2854664984013026,0.12446999971720304,0.050707567190262086,0.040619001959620565,0.0,0.0388758980157596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418313704706293,0.029641530217191767,0.029954701268918176,0.0454743197091953,0.033576289137745616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035997799103713334,0.0,0.027186511029180373,0.0,0.0,0.13263874637399165,0.04082925237137308,0.0,0.07214396434557398
suicidewatch,icantliveanymore,2018/02/11,Easiest ways to die Please don't try to change my mind. You'll only end up wasting your time. Please suggest some easy and the least painful ways of dying. Also I don't want to create any problems for the people around me so that too. Thank you! :),1.0114666666666672,3.4625442799999995,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,86.2,4.133333333333334,18.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.4790666666666663,194,5,41,1,6,60,42,50,0.187,0.53,0.284,0.7525,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721902792872438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642409337647594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916792850776958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227778624689015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469336133484213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907084501274804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741049730830625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375956702989095,0.2291142681701843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927486908991722,0.0,0.0,0.4727105271471505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060309077274459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823652156428284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555406018678225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618725720302064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700054258340748,0.3418199090871687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AloneRepeat,2018/02/11,"Hate my sexuality I can't deal with this anymore. I keep having sexual fantasies about other men. I feel like a complete failure. I started having these thoughts like a decade ago, but I didn't try hard enough to fight against them. I still feel physical attraction to women, but I have never felt any desire to enter a relationship with one, and I'm still a virgin at 23. Recently, I've been seriously tempted to actually try to have sex with men, and it disgusts me.

I know that I'm being stupid. If anyone else was having this problem, I'd just tell them that there's nothing wrong with being gay. I don't even have to worry about being disowned by my family. But I just can't deal with this shit. I feel like such disgusting garbage, and I can't even really explain why. I just don't want people to think of me as ""that gay guy"". Honestly, it's embarrassing that I'm even considering suicide over something so stupid, but I just don't want to feel like this anymore. 

I'm sorry if this post offends any gay people.

",4.096699669966998,5.4633084059405945,5.375861386138617,80.50593729372939,71.37623762376238,8.158943894389441,27.823102310231015,8.648137234880735,2.0543989438943893,806,29,156,14,15,269,109,202,0.274,0.627,0.1,-0.9916,0,0,1,0,1,1,25.0,0,0,2,0,14,18,8,1,4,0,18,6,1,0,1,33,36,11,1,6,10,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,13,8,0,1,9,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,5,6,20,6,21,28,1,10,0,0,0,5,12,2,1,2,10,100,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.12417087476875463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127932982269564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730592928177015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523818551667573,0.08897130842263491,0.13037555526191769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341193099149173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623640221196013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629525193143796,0.0,0.0,0.13147609862544984,0.0,0.2521285297968487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995343575641547,0.0,0.2573516641655008,0.2727074095826882,0.12217329516513538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259906378137178,0.0,0.0,0.1139847916509044,0.1256261818167318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309948114531827,0.0,0.0,0.06992945990763942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486581337730262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813769471919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209315102090472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622319278267862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642863742195009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186368143011232,0.0,0.0,0.12175442704714473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151516460828845,0.0,0.1256371743119598,0.13661143061965544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061317596706398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795792667813463,0.0,0.1424381918448407,0.0900632951350639,0.0,0.20323294946944892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918325888831018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121604580760362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153221712639397,0.0,0.1010167790887856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277937508185154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010251100164845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148170732547698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292215073277632,0.0,0.0,0.13912031479080278,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Midnite_St0rm,2018/02/11,"My friend has 100 days left. I have a friend. I’m in first year of Uni, 18 and he’s a year or so younger than I am, in Grade 12. I know for a while he’s been struggling with some pretty heavy depression. I try and talk to him about it over text and the phone every day but I can only do so much because my Uni is relatively far away from my hometown. And I live on residence. He talks to me about how much he hates people, and how he says they’re all selfish and that nobody really cares, and that if they do it’s only to make themselves feel better. (Which is really insulting to me by the way, because I don’t try to help him for my own good) 

I keep trying to reassure him that everything will get better once he goes off to Uni himself and nobody knows or will remember him. I keep telling him it’s High school, it sucks for most people. And he never listens to me. He always has a rebuttal for my argument or reasoning.

He’s mentioned a few times before how he’s thought about taking his life. (In 7th Grade he already had an attempt) And I’ve asked a few friends who have dealt with friends who have ended their own lives and they told me I can’t save him, that he is who he is and that he’ll do what he wants, and that I can’t stop him. Maybe that’s true but I refuse to sit idly by when one of my only really good friends is suffering like that. I don’t want him to end his life while I just sit around and do nothing. That will make him think that nobody cares even more.

Anyways on to the title. Recently he purchased a Polaroid camera. He says he finds it fun, which I was happy to hear because he says he finds little enjoyment in anything now. Usually he just lies in bed doing nothing. 

And then he told me today that he’ll have a hundred days. He’s going to have one reel of film per day and take a hundred pictures a day and once that’s up, he’s going to end it all. And it starts today.

 I tried texting him back saying to please talk to me, and I got no answer.

I am seriously flipping the fuck out. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want him to feel this way or to end his life early when he has so much potential. (Another factor is that he’s homosexual, and of course his highly Catholic parents don’t agree with it, so he doesn’t have a good relationship with them either. Besides that, all of his current friends are in Uni too and far away so he literally has nobody there. And he refuses to talk to teachers or anyone else) I’m so scared for him and (Not that it’s important or that the focus is on me) but I feel completely helpless. I want to help but I don’t know how. Please- HELP ME. ",1.9338586956521768,3.4102139438405814,3.4979710144927547,91.3571739130435,77.1340579710145,6.684057971014493,22.869565217391305,7.423996415210882,0.715747826086957,2035,60,462,26,46,674,232,552,0.093,0.735,0.172,0.9933,2,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,4,4,24,31,4,2,17,0,42,4,0,7,5,82,80,50,0,5,15,1,3,1,6,5,3,6,1,0,33,30,0,5,14,1,1,2,12,11,0,3,7,9,59,20,59,68,14,57,0,3,0,1,86,22,2,9,30,288,92,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571658159184656,0.0,0.05709183664236608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194712149606358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797607734163295,0.07030252598952239,0.056462973392345114,0.06108046361784983,0.06414425713926758,0.0,0.12892907626769834,0.05275946134241601,0.0,0.12547825634160256,0.0,0.05838494092559046,0.0,0.0,0.1213659345676084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991184705806128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193983356005196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124980020512072,0.0,0.05909661191310923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731768272403698,0.0,0.24308439057264716,0.0,0.0,0.045318496715466526,0.0,0.057809740000241826,0.0,0.06166529034599329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407897413415684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254227900965851,0.05836251413352168,0.0,0.0,0.3180632075630879,0.0634319730539097,0.03584766414720692,0.0,0.07798914099960484,0.17264896754194187,0.05487639560701568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304022907864179,0.0,0.06774151714554581,0.0,0.0,0.07733227673644286,0.0,0.13797032620065475,0.14498762647525162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197346652363986,0.0,0.0,0.15083249809256527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454864854888046,0.0,0.14539099861783816,0.03352103635717083,0.06876864175272135,0.12117376012590572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159994068516536,0.0,0.06893137210886324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131620831785433,0.0,0.05291887593259054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167279564863402,0.0,0.0,0.14614204122770294,0.09298841702842543,0.15655072386131316,0.0,0.0,0.07618704929174358,0.0,0.0,0.09513577021961617,0.0,0.0,0.1506337951097977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980448417117438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186648295153966,0.07054599204173495,0.0677474446384712,0.0736651025747117,0.07772559502378515,0.0,0.0,0.2182564853649797,0.06869397268151567,0.06944041335845122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856491030250913,0.0,0.0,0.05736386600089328,0.0,0.07172961236282642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317745985897378,0.22059537409161087,0.05997112675864327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396468956160197,0.0,0.0544713671439418,0.04000901924380377,0.0,0.13007494115524856,0.13112606822964604,0.0,0.18633595051991086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556795500598573,0.0,0.1618798195656596,0.10892422993122383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836954663437753
suicidewatch,dre-ezy,2018/02/11,"i’m only happy when i’m on drugs Well, mdma. no other drug makes me happy anymore. alcohol doesnt make me happy anymore. 

i never thought when i was a depressed 12 year old that i’d be 18 and doing the same shit. i never thought i’d drop out of high school. i never thought i would do so many drugs.

im destroying my family with my mental illnesses. i hate myself. all i can think of, 24/7, is how much i hate myself. how ugly i am. how worthless i am. the only time i’m ever happy is when i’m on mdma. 

i want to die
i want to die 
i want to die 

ive overdosed twice in the last three weeks why the fuck am i still alive

i want to die 
i want to die
i want to die ",-2.4793999999999983,-0.7784694399999967,1.0861666666666672,98.40725000000002,103.4,3.5666666666666664,13.583333333333332,5.46131890053228,-1.0442666666666671,504,11,123,4,24,181,80,150,0.314,0.524,0.162,-0.9875,0,0,4,0,0,6,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,5,0,5,0,13,7,1,5,5,25,32,8,6,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,5,7,1,2,4,0,24,5,13,26,3,19,0,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,13,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966680277408026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941251536011638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790806735298074,0.0,0.5632630538099702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31469445372290505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182099980876391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527216673689507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362344758922155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851606988842402,0.0,0.17860958554199505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955698254359403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770605480411428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373224333545507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075775780380844,0.0917063584347727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911565555460495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649424260597922,0.0,0.2092915592079355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491646374301684,0.0,0.0,0.1375889857180295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154447650744196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284993338344803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223683858785575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057959397072615826,0.0,0.2154315858157232,0.05274456969810694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201133739533083,0.0,0.07255690073963736,0.0,0.08132918623697417,0.0,0.08162084356386921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425606630818666,0.0,0.0,0.058249537226145474
suicidewatch,kittykae1921,2018/02/11,I don’t know what to do I feel so sad and lonely and nobody is there and I can’t make the bad feelings stop and I just don’t know what to do anymore ,-2.6533333333333324,-0.9639618888888872,0.3291111111111107,105.52700000000002,98.44444444444444,2.8800000000000003,12.755555555555556,3.1291,-1.8572711111111109,116,2,32,0,5,40,22,36,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.9092,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,11,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,11,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441052859511858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713311437066189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497379072886694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.488824178521161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968608643644823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718143640036522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inoit,2018/02/11,"Asperger's and suicide Is there anyone who feels like dying because of loneliness caused by social stigma, or failed relationships?

Has anyone watched the TedTalks on youtube of Daniel Wendler?
Has it helped anyone? Especially the level up book for gamers on the improveyoursocialskills site?

If so, how long did it take to assimilate his teachings? Is it possible to do this without one on one?

Just asking...what has your experience been.",5.91756756756757,9.36687933783784,5.3985810810810815,72.83273648648651,73.18918918918921,8.024324324324324,30.871621621621625,8.841846274778883,3.1816000000000013,357,16,54,8,8,109,60,74,0.141,0.8290000000000001,0.03,-0.8767,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,8,10,5,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,2,1,11,8,0,7,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,2,2,38,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932119355297718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332924311526887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415368379270862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440213098891167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999612407978534,0.0,0.0,0.11888562227268056,0.16797243927805072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759847963515333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486957763660957,0.0,0.0,0.20807710162499565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186518482107474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26506667693225744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243489279842884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967903231490106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25718719786067024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678378301515707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665088475165016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoulsSlayr,2018/02/11,"I'm going to kill myself I'm 13, and no one fucking cares, I do something, doesn't get acknowledged, it's like I'm invisible and I'm sick of it,my mum puts my life through a misery, at school, nothing good comes out of it,what's the point, just what's the fucking point.",0.4107344632768388,2.3179202711864413,2.4450000000000003,95.04738700564974,83.57627118644069,5.289265536723164,21.69774011299436,6.42735559955562,0.19269265536723207,212,7,50,2,6,71,41,59,0.263,0.644,0.093,-0.8888,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,12,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,6,12,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,1,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545482800915473,0.0,0.0,0.2150627473006864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461619226197065,0.13043872189299632,0.0,0.14188935479515408,0.2094056539717476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762153493555095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634450747455313,0.1219728326231461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395585818640253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917825131133135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720248603390617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509804818307555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25267249573089584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922029352271869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RunSpoon,2018/02/11,"I don’t feel anything anymore. I posted earlier and then deleted it, but now I’m back. I just want someone to tell me what to do. I’ve always thought about killing myself, but I would find hope in small things...even when it seemed like there wasn’t any. Lately, I just keep getting knocked down. All of the hope I had is gone, and I don’t even know where to start looking. I’m not sure how to keep going and I’m not sure I want to. I just feel empty and I want this life to be over. ",1.0901904761904753,2.49461554285714,2.333333333333332,99.11333333333334,79.28571428571428,5.0476190476190474,21.19047619047619,5.033348758259628,-0.3699523809523817,372,10,92,1,9,119,66,105,0.125,0.73,0.145,0.0294,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,3,29,28,9,1,6,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,3,12,5,11,22,1,14,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,7,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150663196837375,0.0,0.0,0.1231325437117316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957093957447384,0.0,0.0,0.1490036505135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923022233563356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391875964259852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831069832841945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549299885539148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460062939301007,0.0,0.10290519619473827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596830354709049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218833633064659,0.2003250684906042,0.0,0.09951031393483717,0.0,0.20425274773200136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789378150131064,0.088460746682749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205163370821384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341322544721505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483763343666882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341844671181815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281609608415841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413091565872516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826153451668284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374787697613833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320396039349711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862561095206404,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Panzer9430,2018/02/11,"Want to be more depressed and miserable So since I was a child I knew that I was going to end my own life. I knew that there was no hope for me. I have always wanted to do it with a gun since its the most reliable method and now after many years I have finally got an M16 to do the job. The problem is that I am too afraid to pull the trigger. So I decided to make my life even more miserable then it is. I have stopped talking to all of my ""friends"" I have stopped going out, i go to sleep very late so when i wake up I at 6am I will feel horrible. Everyday that begin I pray to God so he could make my life worst and worst until I won't be able to hold it and finally do it.

The thing is that I do it deliberately. I know that if I go out or eat I will feel better. But I don't want to feel better. I want to be miserable and put a bullet into my head. 

Is it odd that I choose to be miserable when I can be happier? Am I the only one? 

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suicidewatch,benzene314,2018/02/11,"I think someone might be in danger I came acorss [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/7wrt34/i_wanna_end_it/) and I'm worried. I don't feel equipped to help. Sorry if this is against the rules, I wasn't sure what else to do.",5.535,9.0961805952381,2.8574285714285743,89.53757142857144,76.38095238095238,5.2647619047619045,27.447619047619053,6.742157984588678,1.274241904761904,203,8,34,2,5,54,34,42,0.236,0.6920000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.6324,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800905446912208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27761436647480503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803318565589614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227500187270845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35254363759034285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182748815377912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815773585145552,0.0,0.0,0.3720099221019576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132117838775701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294003630030167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374915270425763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Starting_Hour,2018/02/11,"Why you are living in fear? Can somebody explain me why almost all humans live in fear? I mean, what's the reason for that? This is just weird. You need to unite.",-0.2890909090909091,1.9884376666666697,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,96.57575757575758,2.64,12.66060606060606,3.1291,-1.6608739393939391,125,2,27,0,5,39,29,33,0.236,0.764,0.0,-0.8243,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565303086472039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5765542854642233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524286350056275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790584328116497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995647781780764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633988319863689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623306931246608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiYaooo,2018/02/11,Everything is going downhill. It really just seems that everything is truly going downhill. I'm on the verge of failing high school and my (ex) girlfriend has been ghosting me for no reason. I seriously cannot seem to be productive day by day. I force a smile each day in school and laugh alongside my friends but I'm afraid of telling anyone of my problems. Would be okay if I just put a stop to it?,2.407120253164557,4.796848240506332,3.4966930379746834,87.58149525316459,79.25316455696202,6.481645569620253,26.330696202531644,7.6454224807358475,1.5687582278481016,317,13,62,5,8,102,57,79,0.138,0.736,0.126,-0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,3,1,8,0,0,1,0,13,14,4,1,3,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,9,10,1,11,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,4,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450384857674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013217141901429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728458361656278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025836402726354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577223365596345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191590784845276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848058938864205,0.0,0.20852243951181929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288369308575942,0.21327053876949287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198564352336796,0.0,0.37766933510704026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341910225989685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813012212921012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473509051095018,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unknownCappy,2018/02/11,"I feel so little reasons to keep living Its stupid. Im stupid. I dont even live for my family anymore. Literally the only thing keeping me alive is one person. Its sad. Why do I have to live like this? It hurts so much why cant i just sleep. Forever.

God",-1.3344444444444434,0.6096640740740753,1.609259259259261,94.21166666666667,102.70370370370372,4.622222222222223,15.25925925925926,6.42735559955562,-0.2603185185185186,196,5,44,3,9,68,42,54,0.21600000000000005,0.664,0.12,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,0,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,6,1,3,8,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536567544560185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308761642042202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301130529380356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857089447503154,0.0,0.09960637159022896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210886757233478,0.0,0.21278793570912893,0.0,0.0,0.3501956432153619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624159436404828,0.19744030745386407,0.5218494326373584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481367248974752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348861617594698,0.14982324435240368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200805659001075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254322323890891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713683311210295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087443628575465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555139105271116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kisu_xyz,2018/02/11,"Give me one fucking reason not to kill myself. I'm literally just an useless, worthless, braindead failure. And I'll never be anything beyond that.",4.460641025641023,7.696904807692309,5.490000000000002,71.13833333333336,77.84615384615384,5.005128205128205,35.5897435897436,6.42735559955562,2.9236820512820514,119,7,15,1,3,39,25,26,0.275,0.611,0.114,-0.6442,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420726407361202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842933027787557,0.0,0.3987621187428126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598929284487913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206012462231139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816783412180125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273925431340681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taternator24,2018/02/11,"Has anyone tried treatment for depression? Did it work? I feel hollow inside I don't really care about anything I feel like I have no purpose no passion nothing. I feel like life just isn't worth living and that I'm a waste. I just don't have the drive and desire to do anything with my life, not that it matters anyway. I got really close to killing myself a few times in college.I've loaded a rifle up took the safety off pointed it at between my eyes and put my finger on the trigger and had a good long think about if I wanted to do it or not. I've done it a few times since I've graduated. I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I can't get a decent job in my field and I don't have the drive and motivation to go back to school, so I almost think I'd rather just die. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm thinking about reaching out and getting help. A person I know has been supplying me with anti depressants. But I have not seen a doctor or been diagnosed because I've been afraid it would prevent me from getting a job ( I've been considering joining the military) or getting firearms. The meds help a little but I still get really down sometimes and point the gun at myself some nights. Has anyone had luck with treatment?


TL;DR I'm depressed borderline suicidal, wondering if treatment is worth it.",2.8030598234717203,4.6739978872180465,4.180585158548549,85.68878555083363,75.76691729323309,6.731350114416476,25.850931677018643,7.586124646067393,1.4098697613599218,1042,38,205,14,23,344,137,266,0.147,0.7509999999999999,0.103,-0.9242,2,0,0,3,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,1,1,17,0,25,7,2,2,0,49,52,16,3,7,15,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,10,13,0,1,11,0,2,6,12,5,0,0,11,8,24,8,24,40,3,25,0,3,2,1,3,13,0,9,10,132,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788959134864624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685263969213164,0.15067357604673834,0.0,0.17732750542891526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284813131088405,0.0,0.06567946167721943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985171931328687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27839805823810315,0.10935742467107824,0.1118207835535535,0.0,0.0,0.11028007822572276,0.0,0.11025904872919763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27239185466678445,0.307888024763218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28145776235101605,0.0,0.1224662729671158,0.09037016912644842,0.08617235114686374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443644686326276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213837675827504,0.0,0.11920226299117108,0.0,0.059213031605931075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152204896694391,0.21055220437310349,0.10798733188392524,0.09513951938582174,0.0953496420203304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196787834103455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011100131307896,0.0,0.10338283206844508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407750288291483,0.0,0.0,0.2037049413502673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831201622446623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706981112202014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904221418913347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089126569316164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065611156213466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604412987169678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785394479601385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711312897238865,0.0,0.0,0.12565224873763098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197070368516085,0.07315079089047159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709986234427156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684327262259492,0.07843858002002459,0.0,0.0,0.07653791919121261,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twopotatoesnobeans,2018/02/11,"I need help. I’m on my last leg. I’ve been very actively trying to get help since July. Things got messed up and now I feel I have no where to go. I’m at a halt and can’t see a way out. 

I’ve been working with my primary doctor for 2 years on my medications for what she thought was for anxiety and depression. In that time she asked me to go to the main behavioral health place and get help. I was denied because it was not severe enough, so they said. So she continued to work with me. 

Last July she said she’s tried as much as she could to help but she thought I was more bipolar than anything and she couldn’t help with that to try the hospitals behavioral health. Which I did. In that time I got all the appointments set up for intakes and such. I finally got into my appointments mid august (they obviously took this very seriously, not). I had to wait to see the person that does the meds until I would say beginning of October. In October they decided to ween me off the 2 meds I was on a put me on Paxil. Sounds good enough to try as I was willing to do anything at this point. Well there was an error in this. My doctor sent my medicine to a pharmacy halfway across the country so when I went to pick it up it wasn’t there. It was a whole situation and it took over a week and half to fix. I ran out of my normal medications and was on nothing for that time. I withdrew from everything... I started my Paxil with in a week in I had a black out panic attack - (I hyperventilate so much that I pass out, come to, do it again, go into slight paralysis, can not function what so ever.. my bp was 177/155. Happened for over 4 hrs. Not good.) I went to the ER everything this was fine supposedly. So I set up an emergency appointment with my med doctor the next day. He decided that I didn’t need any meds that I just had high bp. He took me off everything. I couldn’t do that so I went to my primary who put me back on Paxil and told me to try the other doctor at the hospital.

Fast forward a month. I’ve been on my Paxil. It’s not working as of now. I can’t function in my normal life. I can’t handle anything at all. Everything is setting me off and I am 10x more hopeless then before. I finally meet with my new med doctor. I explain to him how this isn’t working and I can’t even function as in basic human things (shower, paying bills, getting out of bed, talking with family). I say no one wants to be around me as I am “crazy” right now. He states to wait a month and check back. It’s now Mid December it’s been horrible I can’t handle life I’ve tried everything I could think of to maintain my normal life. I just can’t. I tell my therapist I would like her to come with me because I don’t think the med doctor understands what I’m trying to say. We go over it to make sure she knows what I need to say. She understands. We get in there and the med doctor completely blows me off. States it’s a placebo effect and that I’ll feel better if I think it’s working and that there’s nothing wrong. I ask my therapist to chime in. He states that he will keep me on this and doesn’t see a problem and to check back in 3-6months. I lose it. I end up leaving this appointment.

I can’t do this alone. My wife state we need to go to crisis counseling at the main behavioral health place which we will call BH for short. I go they say they can start a case because I’m severe enough now. We get he ball rolling. It’s a couple days before Christmas she states she hopes I’ll make it through the holidays. I do. I make all my appointments and set up my med review for March it’s far away but I can make it.I go to all my intake appointments and I thought it was looking up. Last week I go in for my very first appointment and they have to cancel me because of my insurance, some policy bull crap. I ask what I’m suppose to do she says she’s unsure as no one take insurance except the hospital where I came from or my primary whom is out until mid April. 

I am sitting here thinking there is no point it was a hell of a run but that’s all I got. I need help. I can’t handle this anymore. Everyday it gets worse to the point I’ve been thinking of all the ways someone could die. Everything is against me and I’m ready to cave. My last resort is to check myself in. Some one please tell me there’s something else I can do.

Tl;dr - I’m in limbo between 3 doctors who keep sending me to the other one and no one is actually doing anything. I feel I can’t go on like this very much longer. I need help finding someone or something to help me before something horrible happens.",1.0951532798593533,3.0905932400835106,3.0497314580815313,91.15860773541372,81.63048016701461,6.4971497637622235,22.401538292495328,7.6311378192898145,0.903783549060543,3556,118,790,59,95,1194,315,958,0.101,0.8290000000000001,0.07,-0.987,1,1,3,0,0,2,95.0,5,0,6,9,34,20,3,1,37,0,70,19,2,7,9,122,154,48,1,20,14,1,3,2,0,5,17,9,2,2,56,48,0,5,19,2,5,26,26,11,2,7,43,17,131,9,133,100,19,149,1,3,5,0,67,68,2,6,47,526,187,15,0.0,0.0,0.038962973840764914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135231088473045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027151716179477658,0.0,0.030544031118129974,0.0,0.03959683637189177,0.0,0.0,0.1314260131885457,0.03554347802949012,0.11197901223925484,0.04542270484154802,0.037512712889299374,0.0921041513439274,0.0,0.09735646791768693,0.0,0.10192476000306704,0.0,0.0,0.035312169991221984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076991162244723,0.045665829502324416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878711737054259,0.041862679851035735,0.0,0.0,0.09563533612759394,0.044178444963628036,0.0,0.0514991992321529,0.0,0.034389050160009975,0.0,0.04143790253665425,0.0,0.0,0.3269356545736267,0.03494037006544763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033353869239586664,0.0,0.03536345413849296,0.12376573333245773,0.0,0.026371394336715218,0.03611624010408848,0.0,0.0,0.21530277566076847,0.0,0.03763960420018845,0.0,0.06056484367266988,0.0,0.0,0.08747611196284705,0.03649253722177507,0.033961869573046616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516119762906702,0.0,0.2042228103654544,0.06697771454426063,0.12773301616037944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061459473169447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732154094148754,0.0,0.0,0.21409770948328588,0.04218504748435665,0.0,0.039656501032507036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097787034964154,0.0,0.0,0.021942824532357928,0.1301832737287644,0.0,0.04227690779235303,0.0,0.0,0.08460482221272103,0.039012612174694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03352860810490977,0.04466807872224254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660627920624764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547989992603233,0.08044446548904244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373867048795602,0.0,0.08805277509844703,0.17763210263127818,0.0,0.03856172697239621,0.04246279716914532,0.0,0.11735989199984348,0.07662203005694074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527777794572235,0.0,0.0,0.046845709359899734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486269968307827,0.08343039407144143,0.04382783520178761,0.11323170752775945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038204728482986734,0.0,0.08027528745957023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034097423547561706,0.07595940408131792,0.19050922667105102,0.0,0.0,0.09544990328654,0.0,0.0,0.09021224735051828,0.0,0.03302801121028452,0.04487959942794866,0.0,0.0,0.06766000272954198,0.09221322170187704,0.0,0.0,0.056521045195110364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037630706999805995,0.0,0.03002012067705005,0.032091794855585366,0.06979588235236257,0.0,0.0,0.0927166044376333,0.05305142397251407,0.12791798596052986,0.0,0.09509268888806484,0.06984523097454086,0.0,0.0,0.038151941301341384,0.13308103471568805,0.18975459417727772,0.0,0.0,0.08313079047470746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177576299975033,0.023549967818467892,0.06338435801112986,0.0960810472047266,0.0,0.03589915088387945,0.11103813396982587,0.0,0.04457704832144204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533658818562462,0.0,0.04068900461393312,0.05672596336771061,0.04365388579252411,0.0,0.02571166665438589
suicidewatch,Death______,2018/02/11,1 I hate myself,-6.3000000000000025,-12.954891,-0.0600000000000005,99.055,209.0,0.8,2.0,3.1291,-2.9931,12,0,3,0,2,5,4,4,0.787,0.213,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jigsawm4ster,2018/02/11,You have been weighing heavily on my mind Life is a shit heap right now. Coming up on my ex's birthday. My grandmother is in the hospital with cancer. I've been better about managing my depression but its overwhelming me today. Can't sleep,2.164855072463766,5.009795195652174,3.817391304347826,81.34898550724641,86.17391304347824,8.284057971014493,25.057971014492754,8.841846274778883,2.76947536231884,193,8,34,6,6,64,40,46,0.155,0.8029999999999999,0.041,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,1,2,0,6,5,2,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,6,5,0,8,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236483592297679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152289660852867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151876438781344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584775720748225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694998396064356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125147842195499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756369876918921,0.0,0.0,0.3662089924955006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468727978059881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marksone2020,2018/02/11,"20 year old virgin contemplating suicide Hey I am 20 and already attempted suicide a few months ago, because I was so lonely,  and ended up in a phsyc ward for a full month, ouch, not fun at all, and now I managed to move on telling myself I will get a girl some day but at this point it seems like that day is not happening, I've never been on a date to screw up, I just never managed to get a girl to go out with me, and here's the thing I am pretty good looking smart and a nice person, but for some reason I am just different, not sure what it is i really badly just want to be normal but that just doesn't seem the case, there is something about me that just keeps girls away and I can't figure out what that is, and then because I get frustrated that I am alone I get more depressed and then girls don't want me even more and on and on it's a vicious cycle with no help in site, and then people say just hook up with anyone and get it out of your system, but really I am not like that, I want a real relationship not a hooker especially not for the first time but even in general I want an emotional relationship with someone not just sex. And the worst part about it is, is that I am from this stupid religious community so the girls I see on a daily basis will never go out with you because we are brought up with this stupid idea that sex is bad unless your married, so you can't go out with people you know and when you leave your community it's hard to get in with other girls because now we have a cultural issue between us plus it's not like I am In college so where am I meeting them at the bar/club that never works plus I am under age so it's harder to get in, and it's hard for someone my age to find love at a bar, my type is 18 year olds. so I have my boxed in parents just tell me I am sorry you feel that way that you need a girl, everyone else feels like that but everyone else controls themselves which makes me want to smash there head into the wall, like I said in my community wanting love is looked down on, like oh so sorry for this guy he wants love like what the he'll why should I wait till I am 23 to have love I live in the most screwed up community ever, and now I am stuck with this stupid cultural issue, which I tried to avoid but is clearly why I don't work out with girls out there I hate my self I hate my life I feel bad for my family and feel bad for my stupid parents who choose to live in a 2 bedroom apartment and have 10 kids which I am the oldest of which doesn't make my life any better and they just naively believe that god wants them to have alott of kids and he will just give them money and a house, well he clearly didn't and it's been 20 years, and a rule in our religion is that if something is one way for more them 3 years then it generally will not change so my life is screwed, and if I do try to kill myself again I will have to make sure that I don't mess up.",5.204784688995215,4.032624853269538,5.972472089314195,86.08397129186605,68.40988835725679,9.1311004784689,27.931419457735252,8.00094639256281,1.410683572567783,2281,56,535,24,33,752,248,627,0.16899999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.134,-0.9806,3,4,2,0,0,4,31.0,4,9,5,6,34,40,12,1,28,0,52,15,1,5,10,121,98,50,3,13,29,2,6,7,0,7,3,2,1,13,41,46,1,4,12,1,1,5,22,21,1,2,7,11,71,19,82,83,11,85,0,2,3,10,54,44,3,7,40,370,112,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786374700683725,0.0,0.0,0.06760684745606467,0.07203432599863326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439031083494125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045642900441440114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061329492928205075,0.0,0.2180128609868528,0.1591679820196636,0.0,0.0,0.07354434897683322,0.0,0.05773182777121914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069053963171919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321323176093772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419598402379197,0.0,0.05622262017732231,0.0,0.0,0.06820012962407469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906040806454256,0.07342736321358935,0.0578156721670288,0.0,0.0,0.08622912702972417,0.059046401111898364,0.0,0.12474913350803578,0.0,0.0,0.06153694739242331,0.0,0.13202319482756475,0.04663359969972457,0.0,0.0,0.05966160885456862,0.055524223106853184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387302212839521,0.06261924078906357,0.1112945491398914,0.054750895817792335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463407406541045,0.05772386152136823,0.0,0.11694998285170652,0.12889421120484698,0.06699260036394457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437535136369916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532040573461207,0.0,0.07368931001666335,0.0,0.1362635741421316,0.0,0.05802082097492229,0.07221886099541021,0.0,0.03587429962619334,0.0,0.0,0.06911846992055602,0.0,0.0,0.13832033052099615,0.22323586815455898,0.0,0.11528082694543637,0.0,0.10963176882092084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565863748369195,0.0,0.13071786621996426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420628208042416,0.06937867092151523,0.0,0.04840175477886568,0.2013812816303868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395718599629245,0.0,0.0,0.13699357385982056,0.0,0.0442330979918655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496382774222796,0.0706881718078403,0.0,0.09050911890175528,0.056996989260176635,0.0,0.0,0.061707464582877763,0.0,0.0,0.06640974623046475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429903556395788,0.08363569354313707,0.06711519302369749,0.0,0.14016522938645065,0.0,0.0,0.06209297297669888,0.05191055409384024,0.0,0.0,0.05201698053567999,0.11885068829050235,0.0680977061736201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061726383717384,0.10050619630277384,0.0,0.1461435675094295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280396098880227,0.0,0.12304480273866235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410921107676256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043366857269893914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806329702824432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863702192322594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851968491896286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30801453129649325,0.10362701700284868,0.0,0.0,0.0586914821852164,0.0,0.1178039153622642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504425109048617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814390181866448
suicidewatch,bullterrier_,2018/02/11,"I told my therapist I wanted to die and she didn’t believe me I should’ve seen it coming because she always treats me like a child. I was going to see her because if multiple reasons but she only ever focused on one. I hate her but I’m not allowed to change therapists, and I’m honestly debating on whether I should follow through with my plans so she knows that I’m not full of shit. I,. Fuck this honestly. Seeing her did fuck all for me. I’ve not been given anything to do to help me, not even advice on how to deal with it in everyday life. Fuck this. ",0.6940384615384616,2.9328213879310354,2.8434482758620696,90.56945623342176,85.1206896551724,5.9830238726790475,22.716180371352788,7.321109707123232,0.9801281167108749,435,16,92,7,13,147,73,116,0.162,0.685,0.153,-0.4878,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,5,0,1,0,6,5,1,3,2,21,23,8,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,7,3,20,4,15,15,2,10,0,0,3,3,11,5,4,1,3,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970548969950175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450494749358442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291323392699914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173171636677784,0.0,0.0,0.19566336194447026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837167746778672,0.14959883751228445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790431644544149,0.0,0.0,0.18023904141927324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470548809594693,0.157091843397989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816573335863417,0.0,0.0,0.09869902063068917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714603164647316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164054029194512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544290173097246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226662155625932,0.08484497755899756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768132810630895,0.13208166270408814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785587130386501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767804034275229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826679249431535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032817996206968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594636570602267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024333608898464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnAnonymousGamer1994,2018/02/11,"I don’t want to kill myself but if I died I wouldn’t care. I don’t know what I want out of life, other than a relationship. I do not know what I want from life, other than a girlfriend. It really suck that that’s a chick repellent. Hence my username.

I am almost done with college but I am not excited. My life will have that much less direction. I just say I want to have a job in the general field my degree will help me get (Computer sciences, IT guy/network admin) but in reality I don’t give a fuck about what happens to me. I mean, I might care if I had a relationship like I have had those two other times in my life. It was so nice to have someone to be intimate with, and I don’t mean just physically. Those two times of my life were the only times I looked forward to waking up when I went to sleep at night.

I am now losing my hair. So that’s decreasing my chances of ever having that back again. I should exercise to make up for it but that’s not going to guarantee finding a relationship again. But at least I’m tall, 6’3. And the stereotype is that that’s attractive, right?

I am not going to care about what my life will be like if I have to live it alone. If I were to somehow find out that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life, I would get in the car and start the engine and end myself that way RIGHT NOW. I would use the pellet gun but idk if it can 100% kill.

I would burn my ~2500$ worth of video games, table-top games and Magic Cards for an intimate relationship.

It’s the one and only thing on my bucket list.",2.037600844277673,3.2758809542682954,3.8281707317073206,90.08587242026267,76.34756097560975,7.241275797373358,21.45684803001876,7.882392219407189,0.6813654784240146,1195,29,277,18,26,403,148,328,0.13,0.746,0.124,-0.6462,1,2,0,1,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,1,14,13,4,0,16,0,36,12,3,2,1,49,62,20,3,14,17,0,1,2,1,9,8,1,0,1,27,10,0,0,6,4,1,6,9,5,0,3,7,3,43,8,39,43,4,34,0,1,1,1,11,15,2,8,16,201,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129052033281376,0.18884290850761615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010174866202963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788523106874294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946168892385459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329543104267043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074684813871723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246571569636156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664986116476296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428236602535005,0.0952619256613992,0.08745563507328383,0.15543681706412388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026960281753148,0.08061862304014439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110727746924361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046911962975628,0.0,0.20172542091011375,0.0,0.10020593086353594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507573358060191,0.08907912271317887,0.0,0.08050207735868366,0.0,0.07655726774729274,0.10199248509797554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608546396796309,0.0,0.0,0.19861504606592392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671371524616666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701818993908495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555399639747761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177707725918346,0.1386731304395336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840387556157545,0.0,0.0,0.3915166966804058,0.0,0.15571213549072266,0.0,0.07249960903511528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123277863443437,0.0,0.07724545153411227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452842863055293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060567263286485214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594805257605196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811370458193398,0.0,0.0,0.0787389640219123,0.0,0.0,0.21509049061354413,0.07236407267586133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451266577971372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428713319278845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artchoke,2018/02/11,"I am ready. I’ve hid it well, from my family, my few friends that I have, everyone. Even myself. I’ve convinced everyone around me that with time I will get better. That the thoughts that run through my head daily are just merely moments of my weakness. But today, here and now I can no longer take it. I can’t take the pain and suffering of living my sad excuse of a life. I’m done crying on the shower floor everyday and i’m done pretending that i’m fine when I know i’m not. I know i’m young, and that it’s probably not the right choice. But at least I will no longer be in pain. ",0.9433602150537652,2.816334250000004,2.7141935483870974,94.0079569892473,81.5,6.391397849462368,20.010752688172047,7.492282038375204,0.4312817204301078,453,12,105,7,12,150,76,124,0.187,0.6779999999999999,0.136,-0.8271,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,5,0,10,5,1,0,0,14,21,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,15,5,10,15,2,14,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,7,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690924725399097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799206114863655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086470846781087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887620132455711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545773570668536,0.0,0.0,0.3630036476165221,0.0,0.0,0.17906446111865593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467520354989034,0.0,0.09923909882799402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949396970670048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087790312252127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416468477356916,0.0,0.0,0.16772605750703204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40423249787649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047942312915804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221309715706675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856319478367987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079614016398254,0.11075921149122672,0.0,0.18004687679708953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078452986514162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bunny5454,2018/02/11,"I dont know what to do anymore if someone wants to listen I am 18 years old and a huge list of mental problems. Ive been hospitalized twice for drug overdose within the last year and have just stacked more and more shit on my fucking life. My story is long but I have to tell it. 

I'm a pathological liar, narcissist, possible sociopath and much more.. Ive gotten expelled from school for beating a woman for no reason and I got away from 5 years of prison because I was deemed unstavle after my drug overdose shortly after. I dont know how or why I'm allowed to walk among the general public. I have horrible self confidence issues and no friends, I spend all fucking day on my computer unemployed just pretending that I'm happy. Ive blown through rehab, therapy and many other services over the years and I'm overall just fucking finished with the mental healthcare here in north america. I'm also fucking crazy, as in I think I have schizophrenia. I believe insane shit anr implement it into my daily life, I mean maybe its real but I dont know wether to trust the stupid fucking norm we call reality or my ideation and spiritual studies. I'm also super insecure and dont like taking part in non manly activities due to my insecurities. I neglect my family because I have this image in my head that I should be this super cool rockstar or mafia man for some fucking reason and I cant just accept myself because my stupid fucking biological father.

Here I am, 1 am on a Saturday night balling my eyes out in my bathroom for no fucking reason, thinking about mortality and shit and how my family will one day fucking DIE. 

Oh and I just lost my best friend of 4 years because I made up a story about being 30 and made some werid plot that I acted out in real life. He was scared and blocked me without a trace and I'm not even gonna try to save the friendship because I'm so worried about my ego.

So what do I do what should I have happen guys",5.2445714285714295,5.9653437948051975,6.2310649350649365,77.81802597402599,68.1948051948052,8.549610389610391,32.542857142857144,8.608573733854374,2.641646233766233,1551,66,287,23,25,516,205,385,0.218,0.6629999999999999,0.119,-0.9925,3,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,5,17,32,15,3,12,1,29,21,5,8,1,63,62,30,2,5,13,1,0,1,2,4,7,1,0,5,12,22,0,2,10,2,1,2,10,21,0,2,8,3,44,11,43,48,9,38,0,2,1,9,14,20,12,6,17,189,56,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125203296951892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976990268691145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609766253109946,0.0,0.0,0.21442847191007533,0.0,0.0,0.07926218410823574,0.07382968451312015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183686948463719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074194930966176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301387414839987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298062972938365,0.0,0.16317108735539734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046466581302360865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264249181710813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870697371327373,0.5853504489405226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626661700770105,0.0,0.0,0.06965916415755731,0.0622117049507942,0.07489060734151566,0.0,0.0,0.07220105824322548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734288130302308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599023098108005,0.05734595975176834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907428859178268,0.03437024778225454,0.0,0.0,0.062258969588003275,0.0,0.0,0.07679710342126346,0.0,0.0,0.13313680716061696,0.0,0.07132550024085414,0.07067765787753164,0.07663353812486258,0.0,0.0,0.14179577153703393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171653523219455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602022932828866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382219044690116,0.0,0.04767207821519072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618394840741025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931088067374388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731699884817115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015109027044006,0.0,0.2169995462566328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043424424752448,0.07119959501853489,0.0,0.0,0.07339208245330005,0.0,0.2166447798910737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059608699062474825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289566263869313,0.0,0.061490416480951875,0.0,0.08045320831831031,0.0,0.0,0.09015695444505012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776413176692571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04149520803992205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348139427446779,0.0,0.0,0.06781645087636066,0.0,0.0,0.07144548474260977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265206825548605
suicidewatch,M_ithAvo,2018/02/11,"I don't want to live Hello. I'm not afraid to die, I want to die, and I don't want to live.

But a close friend had her baby today so I can't kill myself. I'm going to drive into a nice solid retaining wall I've picked out next to the freeway. No one else will be hurt. I wrote my note. It's very short. I have a dog who I love but my friends will take care of her, she'll be fine.

When I was 18 I told my mom about the sexual abuse. She didn't believe me, so at 18 I also became homeless. Lived with friends. Worked 2 jobs and went to school. Got down to 75 lb and almost died. Hated myself. I have ptsd and depression, but I've come a long way. My mom died a little over a year ago and apologised on her deathbed. I took care of her on her last days at the hospital. She was abused her whole life, too. I loved her.

 In October I called out an ex boyfriend to our mutual friends for emotional abuse, because I had heard he was treating his current girlfriend poorly. Everyone was supportive except the last person I would expect, a close friend and roommate who I consider as family. He and my ex play video games online almost every night, and hearing my ex is triggering. My friend knows this and ignores it. The last week has been terrible, but I've finally gotten through to my friend, and he admit's I was abused by my ex. I understand that it was hard for him to understand it in those terms, even though I'd told him about the abuse for years, but the damage is done. All week I've heard my own screaming in my head, and have been rexperiencing my mom's rejection of my sexual abuse. I've always said I'd rather have died than have lived through that, but here I am. And it's supposed to be over now, I walked my friend through it logically. He doesn't want to feel like he was wrong. I don't think it matters now. I don't want to live anymore. I have no reason. I want to kill myself. I almost killed myself earlier in the week. I should have. 

I'm not distressed about dieing. I just know I want it to happen and that I will likely make it happen soon.

But I have friends, who I know I can't tell are really there right now but I know will likely be affected if I die. So I'm posting this, but have no expectations.",1.1070575035063115,3.0972776043010763,2.740778401122018,93.41725455820476,81.55913978494623,6.194015895278167,19.786115007012626,7.34059242885,0.3540126227208975,1726,45,392,25,46,567,216,465,0.201,0.63,0.17,-0.9572,2,0,0,0,6,4,57.0,1,0,0,1,19,35,4,2,16,0,45,4,1,5,1,69,88,30,10,13,15,7,2,3,10,7,1,5,0,1,18,20,0,2,11,3,1,6,13,14,0,1,23,7,68,21,47,54,4,50,0,4,0,2,54,20,0,4,25,241,86,3,0.0,0.4060743292413987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050634327773388665,0.0,0.17159531745478787,0.0,0.0,0.04567965006099328,0.04752925514951117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664869180816012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034820436756628353,0.0,0.0,0.06435581628568643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058326936446503726,0.0,0.11647735067481242,0.0,0.0,0.049204691199291335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03683832514130076,0.0,0.04919824113707832,0.0,0.41497812187573707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058454623943007426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047717273203782135,0.06425344656738574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037727887559029935,0.0,0.04812691348169815,0.05458157172871755,0.0,0.0,0.053848603410932935,0.0,0.028882098318827192,0.04080726006509471,0.0,0.06257327303396741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971839469967197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032463185627406715,0.0,0.04568488880170082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102383878711807,0.0,0.051169204131438106,0.05639517034273146,0.05862263439004025,0.0,0.0643795282909412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114922127284321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056683787269214,0.0,0.1895877990046328,0.0,0.12556885026465994,0.13968373791485156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04034625774981356,0.08371931874654702,0.057250256996022986,0.25219448616302,0.05055029525139414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310788110187097,0.0,0.03812871689325358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069830524744064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060748840830498,0.0536041972296441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03870667383306322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049875861581433416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054706136678335404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677140248134512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03659318087296952,0.058729910486692065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878102936954007,0.05433515990167095,0.0,0.0,0.05780951040121541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482024381615635,0.0,0.0,0.042947889783567984,0.0,0.04992627935882609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03660083596245347,0.05612110107874198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414403731178721,0.10916314345743512,0.06346354247694069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892996918090525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713081441562501,0.23584015640987885,0.04533999798250845,0.13745708320196806,0.0,0.0,0.052951747383157104,0.0,0.06377356636176605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041584774678723097,0.0,0.0,0.04057712573496808,0.062452856063136324,0.0,0.07356811369972924
suicidewatch,failedabortedfetus,2018/02/11,"Friday night I was sexually assaulted by a stranger on a walk home from my closest friends house. Tonight he went to a party and I missed it because of work. Now I can’t stop thinking about wanting to die. Hello.

I am in an immense amount of pain right now. Over the past several months, I have been in the happiest point of my life. For years I was severely depressed. Alone. Stuck in a hole that I fought daily to get myself out of. That all ended because I (a male) became close to a friend who I now consider a brother of mine. 

Friday night, I was walking home from his house. While walking, a stranger came up behind me and forced me against a nearby house. He demanded drugs I didn’t have. He then offered to pay me for sexual acts. I refused. He then groped me. And walked on. I ran. So fast. I called the friend whose house I had just left and fought back tears. Explaining the situation. They decided to head home before anything else happened. 

I ran home. Right as I made it home, I got news that another friend who I had just been with minutes before was walking home on the same street and got assaulted in a similar manner as mine (groped) with an additional beating to make matters worse. 

I feel so much shame in the fact that I didn’t call the police immediately. I feel like I could have prevented it. 

Tonight I went to work. Work was good. When I got home I found out my close friend was at a party. I missed it. I wasn’t even invited or told about it. 

I don’t want to be alive right now. This year was supposed to be my year. My braces are about to come off. I’m about to be able to have extra freedom with my license. 

Now, every feat and accomplishment that I could accomplish seems moot. It seems pointless. I’ve had my happiness robbed from me. And it seems to be getting worse as the days go by. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. 

",1.2553728661275834,3.655907129380058,2.485727762803233,92.97428796046721,84.17520215633422,5.79748427672956,22.310422282120395,7.1686216300943375,0.7216637915543576,1439,50,309,21,42,460,183,371,0.15,0.727,0.122,-0.835,0,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,6,16,17,4,1,21,0,31,4,1,2,2,44,64,17,1,4,3,1,2,1,5,0,3,0,7,1,17,17,0,3,10,0,1,13,6,9,0,0,29,2,48,8,53,29,5,59,0,3,0,0,25,23,0,4,24,197,65,6,0.07559509818052687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829372342626639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792680517003149,0.0,0.0,0.07497002438624968,0.0,0.0,0.062208324682771286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812796429389066,0.0,0.09216414040503076,0.0,0.1286517214191189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438209456196947,0.08646065355458138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511848343508231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071306933605515,0.0,0.0,0.048752584500002284,0.0,0.06510994729230532,0.0,0.07845577698457899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766631403414489,0.0,0.06315000437869908,0.0,0.0669548191740596,0.0,0.0,0.049929849393887095,0.0,0.06369213060694376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764463060372607,0.05400515324478322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828861232917874,0.2920229266626309,0.0,0.07899063745341897,0.0,0.04296243638571462,0.06340558176868552,0.18138091727582945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684849566439427,0.0804723876983097,0.0,0.0,0.07758237991957365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5307963298583791,0.0,0.0,0.3489063748326509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041545088977407066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213429536141452,0.0,0.053395053457558,0.0369319465151046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152990971142145,0.05046031504105924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060339286148391125,0.0,0.05557109524616423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188175738006611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043851431479491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216407497696685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146180227568899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367340240471265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645681469066773,0.0,0.17080188730955495,0.0,0.0,0.08497205766536547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320088700334632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484382865178009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223435586825591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917589501666458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015482673645718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510239542609265,0.0,0.1540757266317463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604229423682671
suicidewatch,SqueamishDesign,2018/02/11,"I don't know how I feel. I don’t necessarily know where I want to begin with this. I’m not suicidal, but I feel I am hopeless. Put bluntly, I feel I am a joke. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been out of high school for about a year. I don’t have a job (apart from earning around $10 a month making YouTube videos) and my primary source of income is social security. Apparently, autism is a disability. While I technically have a girlfriend, whose been with me since September of last year, it’s online and she lives in Connecticut. I have no prior experience dating, nor do I have a driver’s license. My parents put me down about my life a lot, and it makes me feel like I’m a shitty asshole who can’t take care of myself. Obviously, I know how to feed myself, bathe myself, dress myself, et cetera, but that’s the basics. 
I’m depressed; I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder, although I’m trying to feel happier. It’s kind of hard to feel happy about yourself when you hate your very being and everything you stand for. My father once called me fat and then he had the audacity to get angry at me for calling him out on it. I’m 18, so I’m technically allowed to move out whenever I want, although since I have nowhere else to go, I stay put. I don’t WANT to be with my dad, I look forward to visiting my mom every other weekend mainly to get away from my dad; my mom doesn’t let me live with her anymore because of a separated incident.

My sister gets so much more special treatment than I do (mainly because she’s more trustworthy) but when I asked my mom about it, she said that I’M the one being given special treatment. Because I’m “special.” Her words.

I’m at my breaking point. I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t want to die anymore either. I am way too depressed to decide what I want and I need help, bad.",3.7370447514951546,4.600049605898128,5.411434316353886,81.81735357805735,71.70777479892762,8.204949474118376,28.28717261290988,8.502166056373571,1.9563310785729016,1425,52,293,23,26,487,190,373,0.14300000000000002,0.725,0.132,-0.903,5,0,0,0,0,3,50.0,0,3,0,1,13,16,2,0,13,0,28,4,1,5,1,47,68,22,3,7,6,8,7,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,12,16,2,1,10,4,0,7,11,7,0,1,5,9,57,9,44,59,9,39,0,4,1,0,28,15,0,1,16,189,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375440346568894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824721265742466,0.08660892502221844,0.0,0.08704137515700656,0.0,0.07735323706500906,0.1694233806748027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891982157152756,0.0,0.09445595920818303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393804648389788,0.09403094014746058,0.09614905834872986,0.0,0.10617718116227057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739154067550102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805592675840378,0.0,0.08326177192221275,0.09062286717572968,0.0,0.0,0.2810592395700642,0.06618435034408478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520681015634396,0.0,0.05265128919270797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862045342801484,0.08299014752916199,0.09146602113750654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209681204070649,0.09788267126767652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193412224860986,0.0,0.10249602064494326,0.09647367984991798,0.15274290833842746,0.0755166068715931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473399135639336,0.06543666136189555,0.04526080827815815,0.0,0.16361135935550852,0.0,0.07779699018740334,0.0,0.0,0.07876197109516975,0.0,0.0,0.12368016637275114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32550793478346346,0.07394695161508248,0.098465104393467,0.06810344227903692,0.06869378980348897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721349783855704,0.0986620288064389,0.06277745816639478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028693562612521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757780829907726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793961382728256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812493789579574,0.0,0.0,0.09375990653405253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327089367957922,0.0,0.0,0.09443811802126684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874536902087756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133666975596704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965618812536185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289867981666615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644037674447889,0.32786030536449096,0.07353589303196635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178977630579314
suicidewatch,throwaway_L_03,2018/02/11,"How much is too much How much weight are you allowed to carry by yourself. How much are you allowed to lean on others before you just become a cry baby about anything else. 

I started reaching out to different friends. Each one, I trust with a different issue so they dont feel like im dumping all my feelings at once. But even that is starting to  feel like im over stay my welcome.

How much more can i feel abandoned by different people before enough is enough. 

Every day living is a chore. A project. 
""Put on your shoes"" good job.
""Brush your hair"" ok, now what
""Remember to eat something.."" ""...ok you should probably stop""

Each days i feel more and more like nothing is worth it. I'm just borrowing time. Wandering around and hoping something better happens to give me hope. 

Help me. ",1.9848666666666688,4.6777134866666685,2.685333333333336,90.65266666666668,84.13333333333333,5.2,24.333333333333336,6.691623216298621,0.9677333333333338,613,24,116,7,18,191,98,150,0.113,0.721,0.166,0.8671,6,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,6,1,1,12,14,1,0,4,2,10,4,2,6,1,28,22,8,0,3,3,0,7,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,2,6,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,8,15,12,16,21,13,15,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,2,10,76,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997893377302447,0.097337328526897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075935896807702,0.18608353110918088,0.0,0.0,0.09670388161173757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201067647922585,0.14103275066027912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427165317131826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281477024857097,0.0,0.0,0.1118838950679596,0.0913409915912887,0.0,0.0,0.2259584882822188,0.0,0.07221918665740724,0.0,0.0921251300524448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764323401729572,0.23434127821289105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447715546874006,0.0,0.0,0.10489055832216923,0.0,0.09171066206810582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669053771960363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328946209041581,0.0,0.0,0.21720203442250144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362156801399539,0.1141243664937464,0.10850480316023786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025655022237645,0.0,0.09655075780046854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018937918958192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491634647940512,0.0,0.0,0.11644538233674435,0.07409279138843065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580379365211623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788888690439478,0.0,0.0,0.10991864698159608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386287414439005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835322358102864,0.0,0.0,0.1547852897309434,0.11654374422177485,0.0,0.09141458888452368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375804667329019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314877992825222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dont_wanna_be_alive,2018/02/11,"What's the point? Every irl friend I have ever made has stopped talking to me slowly except one. My dog who was the only thing that could consistently make me happy died a few months ago. I recently had to drop out of school because I couldn't keep up due to a mix of depression, anxiety and recently diagnosed adhd. My parents have stopped supporting me financially in any way. My meds aren't even covered by my health care. I had to stop going to my psychologist because I can't afford to go anymore. My friends roommates for next year just said they don't want me to live with them, so I'm gonna have to find somewhere to live on my own. I don't enjoy anything on my own anymore, but have only 1 friend left and no confidence so I don't make friends easily. I am always sad at night and when I am alone on my own. All I want is the peaceful nothingness of death. I have tried before, but something stopped me, I think it was because my friend is my roommate until April and I don't want him to be the one to find me dead. But what's the point in me working at a job that I don't enjoy just so I can struggle to pay for a life that I don't even want to live?",3.289392557022812,4.009647024489799,4.624057623049218,87.57930372148861,72.63265306122447,7.723889555822329,27.472989195678274,7.928766900206844,1.4803613445378154,911,32,202,12,17,303,130,245,0.202,0.677,0.121,-0.9238,3,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,9,13,0,1,9,0,26,3,0,3,2,31,42,12,3,6,6,1,0,0,5,1,3,1,0,0,8,6,0,5,3,0,1,2,11,3,0,2,6,1,37,10,31,32,5,32,0,2,0,0,12,12,0,0,16,136,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211436094812696,0.0,0.08935429666344401,0.0,0.0,0.1043997773485979,0.0,0.0,0.08387478123199188,0.0,0.0,0.06854836073542127,0.0,0.07711274121898934,0.0,0.1999356656249568,0.0,0.0,0.08295090540976606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843426647131866,0.0,0.08577450709901914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277367355747813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048165938626246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682003745673401,0.10231122766662518,0.10461586562063308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331566550077261,0.09118057358500914,0.08492946769206731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842611781217543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893942859030845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457543712928503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730488972497976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071470996548342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002976570220852,0.08959685326698916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952093952321768,0.0,0.07119896012782294,0.0,0.0,0.2670282623403004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538065531741467,0.13457134045203267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196755312397988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045865956544877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072033575684495,0.0945952193361731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661117935695788,0.15332790684630335,0.0,0.0,0.1119279474591999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057967663365813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905830438327826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588514769739284,0.0,0.0,0.10201632705536666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760178821370854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33709770043557113,0.0,0.10537943598617976,0.0,0.0,0.1143881542511487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102029042534441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696792431014632,0.06458942181193382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843748600791677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378209434213311,0.08001140350041781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338456846815214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649127513444586
suicidewatch,canteen007,2018/02/11,"To live is to suffer. I'm too old to have not figured out this thing called life. I fuck up over and over and I don't see the point in living a life in constant regret - so much regret - and pain and unhappiness, and I have a lot of self-awareness to know that **I'm** the problem and it's always been that way. No hotlines or help centers are going to change the fact that I'm a fuck up. But I don't want to die. I really don't. I'm a good person with a lot to offer but I can't keep living if I continually damage relationships and mess up potential love interests. I am who I am, and I hate myself for being who I am. It might be a chemical imbalance, it might be that I'm too emotional, it might be that I have anxiety and care too much about what people think of me. I know this and I've tried to change it for a very long time via anti-depressants and therapy. But it doesn't help and I haven't found a cure for me. I'm just sick of being sad and it seems unfair to be born into a life where I feel I don't belong. I have friends, I'm smart (I think), I'm compassionate and creative, but I have a flaw that is unwavering and it ruins me entirely. I don't want to die or kill myself. But I need to escape the prison I've built around me. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I know to be happy it needs to be a change inside me, intrinsically, but I feel it will never happen. The best thing I can think of, at the moment, is to just off myself, which is a stupid idea, but I've run out of options. I've ran through the gauntlet too many times. I feel helpless and scared and totally alone.",0.8942867797874356,2.4506730231213893,3.2912269252284183,91.34559668096216,80.32947976878613,6.429834048107404,19.542793212754056,7.359569317364363,0.27876889800484816,1230,29,291,17,31,426,155,346,0.237,0.644,0.119,-0.9909,0,1,0,0,0,3,43.0,0,0,0,1,10,25,5,1,19,0,36,8,0,0,3,67,70,28,3,9,13,0,3,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,25,23,0,1,13,0,0,3,12,16,0,0,3,4,34,9,40,55,6,29,0,7,1,3,12,16,2,10,9,198,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320429257705324,0.0,0.0,0.08291432876527181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622972106166134,0.0,0.09882309836182347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887070015503312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457343200553414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175078000241422,0.0,0.10159680934594426,0.0,0.3162401008314057,0.0,0.0,0.10768306157465783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273173381421467,0.08582585877857557,0.0,0.20683581283247832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208951994369387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115362872225266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925784781253006,0.07698706420797621,0.1842441854154287,0.0,0.0,0.05663171529643739,0.0835792184291285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811755787015604,0.10607613843032757,0.0,0.09838083260218804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358263526784525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248939119226292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857087719329165,0.11024469769272248,0.0,0.1642902392553318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115097652971584,0.0,0.0,0.2639705142367394,0.08818450418528721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943271823496542,0.08993535376347057,0.0,0.0,0.10102646921608052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31712932119163945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465040956447438,0.14777405098461627,0.07685394856797165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456281730185003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060314876150406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908271824165735,0.08700796113058154,0.0,0.0,0.09419867171203504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534876991943336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383645230551559,0.0,0.0,0.10698364061517404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976408134821116,0.0,0.07940579808380979,0.09071493250212814,0.10395360612452352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395508683511694,0.0,0.13240214547019086,0.19154941960662275,0.0,0.0,0.11620999324079027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765380644074608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221925273475142,0.17632323685795326,0.07909519068020003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snorkel1446,2018/02/11,"Is anyone else tired of living, but afraid to die? I don't want to be here anymore. I wish I never existed, was never born, or could just somehow become dead without having to experience dying. I'm terrified of the act of death but I just can't keep living. 

Mostly I'm afraid if I try, I won't succeed and I'll be stuck living with the consequences of an attempt. 

I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate my fear. I wish I didn't exist. There is literally not a single point to why I should still be alive. Every. Fucking. Day. Is. Misery. 

I am truly worthless. To everyone. I'm a waste of space and life. I mean nothing to anyone. And I don't know how to even keep trying. ",-0.8884675324675301,1.2212171142857144,2.063246753246752,91.60448051948052,99.28571428571428,4.259740259740259,16.363636363636363,6.11248444174946,-0.20728571428571385,516,14,108,6,22,180,84,140,0.369,0.5489999999999999,0.083,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,4,3,5,0,16,4,0,1,2,26,31,8,4,6,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,3,0,18,1,14,22,2,8,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,4,5,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346868981818682,0.18992283816456249,0.1391532614368337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999133175689602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843313052108357,0.0,0.0,0.08758613110254064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818984076104808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345171993165805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970113850975224,0.0,0.11442567319768772,0.12977215111917487,0.0,0.132848113068763,0.0,0.15282386153005634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125554036723238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022523904853762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142810569922524,0.0,0.0,0.07463755300689177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918530555999804,0.0,0.0,0.3597678110014996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793676283392548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094898888466288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303132334088813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838422510589234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845793789060744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609346752304887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844119743410249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010418024213277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254728411269865,0.0,0.3123492969514905,0.1309158686264522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kappa_Elite,2018/02/11,"How to help a suicidal friend across the country from me? So I personally am not depressed, but one of my best friends who I have known for years is. About a week or two ago, he told me that his depression has gotten worse and he attempted suicide, and I talked with him about it hoping it would make him feel better, but I feel like I didn't do much. He is thankfully still here but I am beginning to worry for him. Me being west coast and him being east coast I don't really know what else I can do other than talk with him about his problems. Is there anything else I can do if I fear he may take his own life?",3.270017361111112,4.0764089531250045,4.245729166666667,89.95413194444444,72.75,7.876388888888887,23.597222222222214,8.167268648758528,0.9924868055555556,478,12,109,7,9,155,85,128,0.189,0.618,0.193,-0.4605,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,0,1,3,0,18,1,0,2,0,21,28,10,2,4,6,0,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,2,22,7,13,21,3,8,0,2,0,0,20,3,0,4,6,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936330573020876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865949269326355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682824995631302,0.14902278348371487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902541518960577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815169067927937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896070892886768,0.1703952978553083,0.12037500109398548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603622654834604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294065407414132,0.0,0.0,0.1673565280343313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926020912937264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901511674698995,0.08231960905671855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247371988259487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386541374544048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417860198325255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712594971706988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612298247938183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794413005405223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456271623947744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686189157804617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668952219371127,0.2708646111273547,0.0,0.1551303151167334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100705477591773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459805712320347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515892772036614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111789272336736,0.17171385180399107,0.11969614100397782,0.0,0.0,0.10850718417459136
suicidewatch,CharlieChucky1,2018/02/11,"Is it okay to be verbally abused by the people that love you? Am I not entitled to be angry when my own mother calls me retarded over something as silly as Monopoly? 

Am I not in the right to be upset when she called me a little bitch?

I'm not a young man. I try to be respectful. I do what she asks. I don't appreciate being called names by the only woman who loves me. It's not Okay! When I try to make my point heard, I'm just being told I take it too personally. 

Of course that makes me angry and upset! Because that means it won't stop! Then she gets my father involved and all he wants to do is get in my face and confront me! I went upstairs to my room to get away and he continues to follow me and try to put his hands on me because I won't ""respect my mother.""

Well dad, maybe if she didn't call me names, I would be in a more respectful mood! It's not fair, if I were to call her retarded for smoking pot, I would get the hammer and the nail. There's a certain way you treat your only son who has a history of depression and suicide attempts. 


I think they just don't care about me guys. It's not fair to me because I want to live. But I just want to call my dad a fucking tool and have him beat me to death. He's already knocked me out before. Shoved me from behind and gave me a concussion. What a pussy right? I made sure when he woke me up that day that I spat on his fucking face. Who shoves their only son in the back into the corner of a wall?

It's a situation I've attempted to get out of. I was even homeless to escape. It's not fair that I'm back here again.

I hope he kills me. I hope I can buy I gun second hand because I'm on the list where I can't. I just want to blow my brains out. I just want to jump off a bridge. I just want my parents to give me the respect they demanded from me their whole lives. ",1.0465944272445815,2.4121855664160416,3.0935316231755863,93.78533060592659,79.30075187969925,6.29812767212148,20.7578505086245,7.048011613610866,0.24684042459088884,1407,36,340,16,34,477,185,399,0.16699999999999998,0.7240000000000001,0.109,-0.9816,1,0,1,1,1,2,39.0,0,3,4,3,20,25,5,2,20,2,26,10,6,3,3,50,62,19,3,12,16,8,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,19,13,0,1,2,0,1,4,13,8,1,1,9,3,68,16,48,42,4,40,0,1,0,4,51,23,3,4,12,225,87,0,0.0,0.1056941591413358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844070042758117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339528103942205,0.0,0.08381168501299567,0.13718734310341868,0.0,0.21751584981801067,0.0,0.07590747440395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958305544352454,0.5465339178734143,0.0,0.09095114922617753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753029215994038,0.0,0.0768327326368609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058919518884829825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649384514105622,0.2330314637265492,0.08557422920339032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832766093498101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772027623308528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986928823434149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940753952791068,0.15754052242530667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102324144841884,0.0844085835874412,0.11909098549614885,0.0,0.08961910864398343,0.09717115118451287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353484778837436,0.0,0.0,0.09905236525624536,0.0,0.0,0.061843995458089426,0.07789097027355497,0.0,0.0,0.08432821368057086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967636020811985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236234876193822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027093646531804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867490064073585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457995368573173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975765494344835,0.0,0.0840753099140353,0.0,0.06707157932463864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715940608432475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523986245458785,0.0,0.1816944297244369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156949737054029,0.07080732689284024,0.0,0.0,0.08020663114908895,0.08269457109267538,0.0,0.09959497047710236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673832969274454,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AYY_LEMON,2018/02/11,"Open letter for anyone who cares to read part 2: No opportunities and loneliness. I want to try living but it's not so simple. I'm currently living with my parents and sister in a town where there are literally no jobs, me, my sister and my father are unemployed, and my mother is employed by her brother. I've tried to look for a job for a long time now with no success, and I can't move because that takes money. I can't try to be happy because of motherfucking PIECES OF PAPER. Now you're wondering why I mentioned moving? I'm gay and the town I live in is incredible small, and the main reason I'm depressed is because I can't find anyone to try and build a relationship with. So the only way I could try to be happy would be by moving to a bigger city, which is unattainable because I can't get money to move. I'm even considering saving enough money for just a bus trip and living on the streets.


The fact that I'm not even given a chance at trying to fix it is the worst part. I'd accept ANY job, I'm even considering prostitution.


The loneliness is killing me, I can't stop thinking about it for even a second, I spent literally the whole day on my bed crying today, only ate a sandwich.


What am I supposed to do? There is nothing I can do besides wait. And I've been waiting for a while now, I don't think I can wait any longer. Every day for the past weeks I've had suicidal  thoughs and can't stop thinking about how I'd be better off dead than to continue suffering.",4.635328947368421,4.902314243421057,6.098684210526319,79.83578947368423,69.39473684210526,8.636842105263156,28.5,8.532816995589336,1.954213157894736,1166,38,237,17,19,398,153,304,0.17600000000000002,0.726,0.098,-0.9837,9,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,3,17,12,1,0,19,0,29,3,0,2,1,37,50,17,3,3,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,15,2,5,7,1,4,5,12,4,0,1,5,1,22,8,34,39,7,34,0,2,1,1,11,13,0,1,15,153,30,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518373400047142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871612296469293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443233610855332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140386533838619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384317928862253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348822446253138,0.0,0.10110405853855116,0.11871923703275715,0.0,0.07927583065657945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095104219425451,0.0,0.24317207737786584,0.0,0.07754954150837612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412492312412047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048088261921788965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959613129791532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740131079894115,0.0,0.10183108109202788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32509987211741914,0.08145446978122596,0.07729228477983856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913052611070637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831699408814978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000451432807515,0.0,0.0,0.10220199470584107,0.1993455132467088,0.08786471538180489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206712960584107,0.0,0.0,0.09463473349070953,0.0,0.09881890023744257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539028373937883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006792514537006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920429590263533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693081743903674,0.0904310154703091,0.0,0.05367055964174549,0.0,0.08724526393196311,0.0,0.0,0.3749437602371011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054288887074751775,0.07305883135163739,0.07383071832523985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305378880854622,0.10276185348120627,0.0,0.0,0.09981586314658013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538415345648865,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wishingforthetime,2018/02/11,"Really just looking for some support My husband has had strange seizure-like spells in the middle of the night for the last year, every 3-6 months, still not sure what the cause is after multiple doctors appointments. He's been fine afterwards but they're terrifying when they happen. I sense one coming tonight and I'm having so much trouble dealing with it. Really, I can't handle it right now. My heart is pounding out of my chest, I feel like I'm dying just from the worry that it's going to happen and I'll be all alone. So alone. He's my support in life, he cures my anxiety when I'm with him but only when he's conscious.  Not when he's limp or twitching with his eyes rolled back in his head. I have no one else for support in this. No one gets it, I need to grow up. I'm just looking for someone to ride it out with, even just on spirit.",3.19876923076923,4.344717571428575,4.224571428571431,88.75096703296705,73.28571428571428,6.984615384615385,25.461538461538463,7.321109707123232,1.0527978021978022,665,21,142,7,13,216,107,175,0.154,0.7609999999999999,0.085,-0.9144,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,14,7,0,0,5,0,9,7,4,1,2,25,25,11,1,1,9,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,2,5,14,6,23,22,3,28,1,0,3,0,11,10,0,2,15,88,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29763224534665195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991995814898813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048622911971856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760585605229276,0.0,0.1237733983657376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813471339213324,0.0,0.0,0.14912414458310536,0.0,0.0,0.14706946067939833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003182869814505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949037326020008,0.0,0.121062270472483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265232996536079,0.10264983141127744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507038801381465,0.0,0.08166048213995841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541234085178876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746404260965965,0.0,0.0,0.17026947150137614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712386574500175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014901894782407,0.07019808028842156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132133610209236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146893801510967,0.0,0.10562628222723963,0.10654189254212557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484026616299266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920975486065893,0.10928023590650994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409880209652765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227076856633903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174530335613097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474841130378255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891620086096735,0.13542304624225887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592085299997026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252954567981933
suicidewatch,contryboy6969,2018/02/11,"I failed.... I'm laying in a hospital bed in even more pain then this morning. 

I met my wife, we'll call her Maggie. 10 years ago and I feel in love instantly, one year later we got our own place. Three after living with each other we were blessed with a little girl, call her Amy. Now Amy and Maggie are my whole world. I had started working later while Maggie worked days so that we don't need a babysitter, this put a ton of stress on Maggie and I. After five years of working my fingers to the Bone I bought a house where Maggie and I decided we wanted Amy to go to school. Sadly before Amy started school Maggie started seeing another man, we'll call him Nick. Nick and Maggie had an Master/slave relationship. Now I knew Maggie liked rough sex and she liked to role play getting raped but I didn't realise she wanted someone to abuse her, he would put on her, smack, slap, choke as where I treated her like a queen. This devastated me, I love her so much and I still do, I couldn't focus on my work so I lost my job, i wrecked my car full of my belongings and most of my shit was broken or destroyed. The only way I get to see my little girl is to go to the house I bought and an forced to be around the women I love who wants nothing to do with me. So for a year I've been bouncing from couch to couch sometimes even on Maggies couch, I can't get over Maggie, I miss my family, all I want is to put my little Amy to bed she kiss my wife. I gave everything I had to Maggie, all the sacrifices, I can't imagine giving to anyone else, it's been a year and I still  cry myself to sleep every night. When I do finally sleep I wake up when I reach out and she's not there. I can't do this anymore, I tried to hang myself last night. I was found by a trespassing stranger four wheeling on my parents land, I thought I would be found by bears in spring long before any person. I woke up here this morning, I can't keep going, I'm a mess all the time, I don't know what to do next, I don't have insurance to cover my stay here and I don't have any money to pay. I have nothing left, no money, no will to work, no will to live.",2.787516666666665,3.5501346266666687,4.106819444444444,90.66556250000002,73.84444444444446,6.7805555555555586,22.729166666666664,6.770275591412753,0.44885000000000064,1642,39,373,13,32,542,220,450,0.133,0.778,0.09,-0.9765,2,1,0,0,1,1,51.0,7,0,0,8,18,20,3,1,18,0,37,13,6,0,3,46,74,23,0,8,3,3,3,3,0,6,1,0,5,5,10,22,0,1,8,1,5,8,14,10,0,4,20,5,75,10,50,45,11,64,2,4,2,6,39,24,1,2,33,240,85,10,0.0,0.0949856564134853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106385970660713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090336172365126,0.08406285971479725,0.0,0.0,0.07950485104166123,0.05605514404709868,0.0821413179146639,0.0,0.07136628036888196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643367507769344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24558066104684864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806049210601785,0.051701556726178634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696985538568906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590006528853824,0.0,0.06754477403317821,0.0,0.07204959064152543,0.0,0.0755750054650161,0.0,0.040535215400652864,0.0,0.0,0.08781983472102274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757995662848677,0.0,0.0,0.12565299763137974,0.07690419602177598,0.13668351317194855,0.0,0.06411746084683415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500560447759234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955410653749467,0.07125676602548478,0.0,0.0,0.04405809038615069,0.0653474035697737,0.0,0.0,0.08710247824487509,0.0,0.0,0.11749771713695215,0.24104739276132625,0.1415791568414008,0.070945922417491,0.0,0.0,0.0875125524445373,0.0,0.21706353138709356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893250917200709,0.059443359427665175,0.0,0.0,0.08525929526384235,0.1504639764809814,0.0,0.15384620702958754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054323731743661716,0.06097117468381996,0.08530412189359328,0.0,0.08901678209664844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999937366665147,0.08375821985750402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417721473449653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607014505719937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226805479656048,0.12776661029960926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229102755805003,0.0,0.0,0.16045126162161175,0.0,0.06792586139923515,0.0,0.07928793943433356,0.0,0.1702294055799676,0.0854481384607977,0.1280441128673839,0.0,0.09183186916201276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364422647464675,0.046746450755538765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054428629466557917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914002784043654,0.06363341624968114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950441276134359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918153280246338,0.0,0.0,0.1138977171152498,0.0,0.0,0.2581269635016722
suicidewatch,pointlessconquest,2018/02/11,"I tried to reach out for help tonight and got nothing in return. My roommates all know that I've been struggling. After self-isolating and trying to fix my problems by myself for the last few months, I finally got myself to ask for help. In response to my already humiliating cry for help, I got: ""I don't know what to tell you. Sorry man."" I've hit a breaking point. I can't shake the thought of how pointless life is, and how death is inevitable. I can't see the purpose in living an entire lifetime, full of heartache and pain, just so we can die. I don't feel loved by anyone around me. I feel like a burden and a waste of skin. I don't know if I truly want to be dead, or if I just don't want to feel like this anymore no matter the cost.",3.0516783216783203,3.823132512820514,4.161421911421916,90.48660839160841,73.23076923076924,6.441958041958042,25.720279720279716,6.11248444174946,0.6608153846153852,576,18,129,3,11,188,94,156,0.242,0.645,0.114,-0.9771,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,8,0,11,4,1,2,1,27,27,11,3,5,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,7,0,1,1,7,5,0,0,5,5,19,3,22,20,3,15,0,0,1,1,9,7,0,3,8,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106940184329328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373906293162007,0.1083942074651784,0.0,0.0,0.13800145431475466,0.14492360153880116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028316335794788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608872043716927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351496524971365,0.2214939029646179,0.0,0.16981780256081444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719530903711189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31172169528862714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25558627335736084,0.12636271193775314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094958358484185,0.1514707483679111,0.0,0.13688628189517724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991240146505146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373619171608465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874672044803194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495315181778752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146544843852074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833405127033744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353157501746935,0.0,0.16172059223879684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353318942386864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206148803053427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354950866346847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230692669821214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104980106548763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287066928665785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastactionher0,2018/02/11,"Does work/company provided life insurance pay out? Just worried that if for some reason I can't make this look like a proper accident and it's ruled a suicide (planning on ""sliding"" car off a bridge) the people in my life won't get the money from my company life insurance policy they're entitled to under a normal death. I checked pretty thoroughly at work the other day, aside from calling our human resources department and asking them (that would send some serious red flags, no?) and I can't find anything on google about it aside from the standard 2-year suicide clauses found in regular life insurance policies. With it being company provided, and me having been employed there for 10 years, I think i'd be in the clear but there's no margin for error when it comes to this. I want my roommate taken care of along with my parents, and with the amount they'd get they'd be in good financial shape to settle my outstanding stuff along with plenty to enjoy their lives.

p.s. - i'm doing this because the depression has gotten to be too much for me, I can't think straight anymore, and majority of the people in my life can't stand to even be around me. For some reason, I guess i still care if those select few folks get $$$ when i'm gone",8.877107438016528,6.956849355371904,8.593305785123968,72.63723140495867,61.64462809917357,11.940495867768595,36.876033057851245,10.637119530657019,3.7657553719008248,992,36,184,19,11,320,141,242,0.109,0.767,0.125,0.792,2,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,1,0,4,2,10,7,0,0,12,0,17,5,0,3,1,35,36,11,3,5,4,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,12,15,0,0,6,0,3,6,7,2,0,0,5,2,22,5,35,22,7,26,0,1,2,0,10,14,0,6,6,120,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134329387708135,0.0,0.0,0.1089855090391128,0.11789824410201663,0.12381201513568516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073321222212886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523440189203906,0.0,0.2700595267321253,0.0,0.0,0.11408394457201965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541180405999015,0.0,0.11406898972681967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589772603494518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747430637600973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104628752721087,0.0,0.0,0.14521185685837845,0.0,0.0,0.20758077498675453,0.0,0.0,0.11108303655853156,0.0,0.0,0.14589581588173586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677257514101052,0.06470270677243793,0.0,0.11694552319924045,0.0,0.11121489066077787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840365255081244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735745391229887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976150114238308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705715711341474,0.0,0.0,0.18363220571410116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347374532996084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723374413852616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576546792571398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161026892746418,0.2897322022275885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972234311228687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811559274398314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928334479439106,0.1344976119695736,0.0,0.09408043116235716,0.0,0.0,0.17057195972624709
suicidewatch,AnxiousPetKitty,2018/02/11,"It's not my grief to feel I'm feeling overwhelmingly guilty. One of my best friends, her sub committed suicide this week. I'm trying so hard to be there for her. I'm so scared it's going to tip her over the edge, to make her try again.
I'd met her not too long ago, but we clicked. Lovely, sweet and shy, she and I were headed quickly on a track to becoming good  friends.
And, even though it's entirely selfish, it hurts knowing that's never going to happen now. I feel like a shitty friend for grieving. I shouldn't be grieving, I shouldn't feel this way. I'm doing my best to take care of my friend, the one who is truly experiencing loss. But it hurts.
My brain has been going to twisted places. I've started feeling more suicidal, I mean if a wonderful human being like her doesn't get to live anymore, why am I allowed to live? She should be the one alive, not me. I've had so many failed attempts. Why was I spared, but she wasn't? It's not fair. She didn't deserve it.
My friend is putting up a brave front. But it fucking hurts knowing how much pain she is in. I feel helpless and useless, I want to help but I don't feel like I can. I love her so much, she's been through so much already. She's faced so much lost already.
I just want to die. I wish I could die and bring her back. I'm a mess of emotions, emotions I shouldn't even be feeling. This isn't my grief, it isn't about me but somehow I'm making it anyway. I'm a shitty friend and I don't deserve to be the one alive.",0.7993701027780595,2.6735892870662497,2.3570550524066327,96.37694209830065,81.9968454258675,4.973603337742954,21.897730741833726,5.843745405466311,0.0010324412333373443,1152,37,269,7,31,375,147,317,0.225,0.511,0.264,0.8974,1,0,0,0,0,3,45.0,1,0,0,6,20,35,1,2,10,0,30,7,3,4,2,46,68,21,8,9,12,0,9,3,6,4,1,0,0,1,15,7,0,0,12,0,0,6,15,18,0,4,9,12,42,17,24,48,7,21,0,13,1,3,28,5,1,3,12,169,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531218926822278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751163116957828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425779874766283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532923467988451,0.0,0.0,0.09383198823096672,0.0,0.0,0.17832120899537668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948438048589607,0.0,0.0,0.08662269911770135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783389485061632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635077811100758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113782849752026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223096794144458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34366788709601315,0.12139132595160845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938407519945741,0.07854443825633667,0.0443882557594611,0.0,0.1448547075313774,0.0712606777426131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513012221065259,0.0,0.07610775052644271,0.0,0.0871937898799336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056947105409359614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728553095470431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338392976844592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245219489644398,0.0,0.15004302187492385,0.07518720146884958,0.0,0.0,0.09274421541777714,0.0,0.1533599950480755,0.0,0.11342333430674555,0.08613642005262054,0.0,0.09254668537551676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498224162401255,0.0,0.065526629287561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302852214177965,0.0,0.09040376078549156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876544185357939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540857849922345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506009250697948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013534523729981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858655806885401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387958024300587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834730739449968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536494811621555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002235850524138,0.0674375400965453,0.0681500365568538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533269314421032,0.0,0.09770016444352128,0.0,0.09213583284436032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilBunniPrincess,2018/02/11,"Just crying out. My post history likely doesn't give the impression of someone who's getting better, does it? Well, that's good, because it doesn't really feel like I'm getting better, either.

I may have come out of my eating disorder, (despite the fact that looking in the mirror at what should be a healthy amount of fat on my body makes me want to vomit) but I can't seem to move past any of my anxiety, or depression, or my PTSD. These things aren't that simple, I know, but I've come to realize that I've been hesitating when my therapist or psychiatrist ask me if I've been experiencing any thoughts of hurting myself. I want to tell them the truth, that I dip in and out of the thought that it would be so easy to just end it all, but I'd really like to stay out of the hospital. They won't help me, there. I know they won't. I've known so many people to go to the hospital and they never got any better because of it. 

I guess I haven't killed myself yet because I'm scared of what it would do to the people that I love, and who love me. Apparently, there are a lot more of them than I thought, but I digress... I just have nothing to offer this world, anymore. I'm a college dropout who has no useful skills for the workforce. I can't hold down a job, I can hardly leave the house or socialize, and I hate myself no matter the love I feel for the good things I've done. I'm not delusional (I hope); I understand that I'm not a terrible person. I just don't feel worthy of...well, anything. At all. 

Pardon if this was scattered or hard to read, I guess I just needed to word-vomit a little bit. ",3.7334971334971314,4.210050306306306,5.125193830193833,85.27699631449633,71.46246246246247,8.336827736827738,26.547775047775048,8.438071523408619,1.5689231231231229,1244,38,272,19,22,418,158,333,0.129,0.696,0.17600000000000002,0.9559,2,0,0,0,0,1,49.0,0,0,5,5,12,21,2,1,18,0,25,7,2,2,5,61,61,18,1,9,19,0,5,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,24,10,2,1,12,1,0,4,14,6,1,0,8,7,39,15,35,45,7,23,0,2,1,3,18,12,0,13,8,178,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251603062644746,0.0,0.07593941024434811,0.0,0.09844674365324936,0.0,0.0,0.0816887421776821,0.0,0.09280176669440084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153774616098994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633822647584188,0.10837446338034362,0.11026387878743844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102042311720805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904075133475012,0.0,0.0,0.08549900233909752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137692217281578,0.0,0.08686970905141668,0.10158517690315663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157549411617324,0.0,0.0,0.08792159231026288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057798010537365,0.0709167633460014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372640398673484,0.09522648709382234,0.056416040893795136,0.16652183604496176,0.07939333448191621,0.0,0.2187088135559112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784846785615774,0.09800616220430486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653695172858175,0.0,0.0,0.09859508357347896,0.0,0.11454143413762327,0.10626797405366137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985077341853779,0.0,0.1098248453326996,0.0,0.10910970772901003,0.0,0.0,0.10511001093108276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454913440786423,0.09949217174611356,0.0,0.0,0.08335974763623809,0.0,0.0,0.08439372806082038,0.2687785405664945,0.0,0.066261865861424,0.10064172326082944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550570444233287,0.0,0.07360563652143462,0.07656126046270534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952498992641976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476211657114428,0.13763925167991675,0.08667660281053541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950708805786742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603846326601375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929442131768444,0.0,0.12718667922846152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938414303030396,0.0,0.0,0.0903694566715672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119077443138333,0.0841090798483801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580600897282988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676422117996486,0.0,0.0,0.11525728600821715,0.13189790939887708,0.0,0.0,0.2364220585285677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334102884750886,0.0,0.08573529807348106,0.0,0.0,0.11710115541011927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925345629236578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103365030719545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OkizariVer,2018/02/11,"It's Saturday night!! Me texting friends to hang out:

""Sorry I already have plans""

""Sorry the weather is too bad""

""Sorry I'm really busy""

""Sorry I have work""

""Sorry I'm not feeling well""

Me texting family:

""Sorry I'm too tired""

""Sorry I'm spending time w/bae""

""Sorry a new game just came out I sort of wanted to play that""


When does life stop being worth it?

I'm tired of only ever having my own company.

I'm just growing old. I have health problems and I never thought I'd ever be this alone. No one has ever loved me. I've been trying to years to get a boyfriend and no one has ever been interested.

Can't look forward to all the nights alone I have left.",0.9164810924369782,2.986716845588237,3.2956302521008425,88.73676470588238,82.75,5.356302521008403,20.743697478991606,6.5431188927421005,0.3905521008403361,505,15,104,5,14,174,84,136,0.257,0.635,0.108,-0.9112,0,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,4,0,13,5,0,0,6,20,26,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,2,2,4,5,2,1,2,4,2,10,5,9,20,2,21,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,15,60,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357539662242556,0.09779874719215267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399730746663641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136220423508152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755542744368546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206617942150833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835467851968601,0.0,0.044810938658211036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847065414562871,0.0,0.046302362965358806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420312866377442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629019535311002,0.0,0.06259772614708978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744218085926784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998658692021368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835226393239101,0.08559357593262422,0.0,0.16633517186764893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929959412483452,0.0,0.12010778217357787,0.0674025175805954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480116387771354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677478018757899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.793658168628394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409360157366113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035752740711357,0.05167734565095691,0.20372041722870451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060169853599375274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522727096772355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968358624850072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451930073339135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057070926665495965
suicidewatch,colouredpencil,2018/02/11,"The Domino Effect I lost a teenager to suicide 2.5 years ago. I wanted to die in those first few weeks and was hospitalised. Gradually I fought my way out of it and after a year I felt I'd beaten the urge. The grief and psychic devastation is acute, and still continues. When I hit a low point I feel the desire to die return. I think well, my child has crossed into that unknown land, so I can do it too. It's like they gave permission for me to do it. It's like they left this world but left their immense pain for me to bear. And most days it is unbearable. I practice self care and push on, as I have another child I cannot abandon, even though the siren pull of death is strong. I have been undone by this catastrophe and d not wish to inflict even more loss onto my surviving child. So I endure the suicidal thoughts, but I am terrified that one day, life will get too hard and the impulse to leave too strong. I know how little it takes. I wish I didn't know. ",3.5537012987012986,4.468417631313129,4.407532467532469,88.6527272727273,72.18181818181819,7.879365079365081,25.25396825396825,8.192908349453996,1.2642816738816736,753,22,166,11,14,243,126,198,0.26,0.627,0.113,-0.987,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,3,8,13,14,2,0,10,0,15,2,0,2,0,27,31,16,6,4,3,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,12,10,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,8,1,2,8,3,25,6,19,21,3,28,0,5,0,0,9,12,0,1,14,109,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317536374025837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585401051412226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154061781075154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171117882348068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085138899913099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634057115024334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751529975149478,0.0,0.1427103940083128,0.0,0.0,0.12642662697623236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765428426780342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133145418607798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633689385674462,0.0,0.0,0.1573802301924602,0.3229790327438329,0.0,0.1049834459718821,0.1452285468610615,0.14896869244945327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224980110220713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071714770432293,0.0,0.15815533227882553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050564186112216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505598844275795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869801111222428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251594006442094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117530526538212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523762795095188,0.1460305592532896,0.11799750776735395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766722898702388,0.1179774654214099,0.11922393031898153,0.0,0.13363836015558211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418398048268094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142875995443454
suicidewatch,rice10lee,2018/02/11,"How do I feel better? I’m planning to end my life soon. 

School is gonna end and highschool is going to start in a few months. I plan to commit suicide after I graduate so I don’t have any regrets anymore. 

I have depression. I have a broken family and my mother also has depression. I have nobody to talk to. I keep messing up in life. Things that used to be fun and happy before now all seem dull to me. Past experiences haunt me. I often have anxiety attacks.

I’m so lonely. I feel detached from the world around me.

I bet all the people around me think I’m one of the happiest people alive. 
In front of my friends, family, girlfriend, teachers, I “act”. 
In their eyes, I’m the type of person you’d last guess he was depressed. 

I don’t wanna feel anymore pain and sadness.
And the thing is I feel happy when I think about a world where I don’t exist anymore.

But then the thoughts of my mother, my girlfriend, my friends...

I don’t want to think about what they’ll feel.

Actually... I know what they’ll feel. They’ll feel sad. And I don’t want them to feel that way.

I don’t have a religion. I used to but believing didn’t fix anything.

I’m sorry if my problems aren’t that big of a deal.

I just cry everyday and I want it to stop...


",0.4665208640815806,2.6640476848249044,2.5588139004427752,92.5014785992218,85.77042801556418,5.4125318663625395,20.53522071649,6.8039241337230125,0.3777106936803971,953,30,208,12,29,320,129,257,0.161,0.753,0.085,-0.9467,1,2,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,1,5,3,14,18,1,0,11,0,25,4,1,3,3,44,54,16,1,7,4,2,8,0,4,4,3,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,14,0,1,3,8,12,0,1,3,9,40,6,28,45,3,28,0,8,1,0,16,11,0,5,13,133,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.10269328432035904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415565775461574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156278472993613,0.0,0.08050378507356865,0.0,0.31309179779324464,0.0,0.0,0.08659868337194163,0.1873612886908536,0.0,0.11971896092829824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954645335043927,0.11856277450955995,0.0,0.09307099421357254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559469821358663,0.0,0.10849171824366062,0.2719138831667524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864123239276307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293912552151184,0.1984106547735654,0.0,0.42567611233605535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260718218896952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980695420470119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592720606827922,0.0,0.0,0.2240472752805084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353688773934493,0.0,0.0,0.05783389963256831,0.08577982264277209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486598892215328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399684065918372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130933778094663,0.0,0.1119764833336772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045783923015962,0.14591212519656774,0.0918863417705532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006948047784962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065025096687616,0.0,0.09580115639157834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780093971666862,0.07448522522981248,0.0,0.0,0.08798040503965604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510900607143022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458316931669213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982569677238849,0.20228925269849726,0.0,0.0835441067433144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817769189177909,0.0,0.0,0.1862093651373417,0.08352991644454777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelloImMe24,2018/02/11,"Why are my thoughts so casual? Is there a reason why I can casually think/talk about me wanting to die? Like it’s always there and it hurts less than it use to. Without being upset, I can say (what by bf calls horrible) things about myself and not feel anything. Before I would be emotional/in a bad mood while thinking about it. Have I finally accepted it? Is this normal? Why do I lack the courage to actually go through with it? Why can I say all this shit and feel this way, but be such a puss?",1.620594059405942,3.7412720990099047,3.3034554455445537,89.3676584158416,80.48514851485149,6.812277227722772,22.971287128712873,7.908726449838941,1.1369873267326729,386,13,83,7,10,128,71,101,0.12,0.78,0.1,-0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,4,0,12,2,1,2,1,19,19,6,1,4,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,11,4,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,9,5,11,14,3,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1650938715744834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077011565326464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921954104151976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125703213209725,0.0,0.0,0.14395849511706613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275022643310647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558063682872244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710835277287984,0.0,0.0,0.18532684457365184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614807513537148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110914895693964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265209953527017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657590701110357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394373771503446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690751646278615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365936206215654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359793192412714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239471879066616,0.2168055819613968,0.0,0.13430888028138838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611595833959265,0.0,0.0,0.0997858987482519,0.1342860673839561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.610629350297558,0.0,0.0,0.16308209598813805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017959601134764,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FiddleFuddle,2018/02/11,"Contemplating... With all seriousness, I'm feeling on the edge and I'm not quite how to explain it all. I literally feel as though I've NO One",0.3853448275862057,2.8265819310344824,3.5133620689655167,82.78659482758623,91.75862068965515,7.037931034482759,24.49137931034483,8.07648339933343,1.8689241379310344,112,5,24,3,4,40,24,29,0.15,0.7959999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.3885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,5,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534585982815901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582157543431362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622668193816822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193797494507675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Honever,2018/02/11,"Friend tried to end it I know my friend isn't doing great, but I didn't think it was this bad. He told me about how he tried to kill himself in my house the other day. 
Anyhoo, he's not the kind of person who likes clichés like ""life is beautiful, you're gonna meet someone amazing"" and those kinds of speeches. But he is truly amazing and has so much to give to the world. 
So I spare him those kinds of platitudes (from his point of view) and I listen to him and try to understand to the best of my ability, even though I can't feel what he's feeling. And I feel like I do a good job at it. Obviously I doubt this suffices, cause he feels less shitty but it does not give him hope about who he is, and who he can be if he gives himself a chance.
So I'd like advice as to how to set up a bro up with a girl and how to help him lose weight (I'm sure he'd hate himself less if he were leaner). 
The tricky part is: if I try to help him and he notices it, he's gonna become super emo nihilistic, so I have to do it without him knowing lmao.

TLDR: best friend wants to kill himself, how do I get him a date and/or get him to eat healthier and get lean? He can't know I'm trying to help him otherwise he'll decline.
",2.0908917576961272,2.7349807584905648,3.6087189672293967,94.03162859980141,75.37735849056604,6.786494538232375,22.626613704071502,6.8360192770164,0.32873584905660325,931,23,230,8,19,309,135,265,0.141,0.608,0.251,0.9888,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,4,12,25,3,1,10,0,19,3,0,5,2,38,44,25,2,5,9,1,5,4,3,3,1,2,0,2,15,10,2,0,9,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,8,30,19,30,35,6,10,0,1,1,0,47,6,0,5,7,136,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323148310659536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820609626593527,0.0,0.11667254699430045,0.0,0.0,0.22172811243625945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852274413248922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812991709196095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244743806560607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809745196372474,0.0,0.0,0.09356686062942374,0.0,0.0,0.06977510083838663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136617184799711,0.07547018585456848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485468394984355,0.0,0.16557970113591602,0.3040223639727204,0.0,0.08860693383481841,0.0,0.1164699371025044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429894044041876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242746606972668,0.0,0.0,0.10492567526429172,0.0,0.12189590887332365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483271734795102,0.0,0.2337529548061479,0.3300275598609774,0.1741731333818057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461759417460379,0.20644406690838674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818562406320147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765853135089601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120273352151033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439926358695585,0.0,0.0,0.09224193286202137,0.0,0.0,0.09986520128557634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950955442288808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956570145688766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769069739337144,0.10379206842163297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094481609472926,0.0,0.35861763627593346,0.0,0.0,0.10997634812338862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230999234601078,0.0,0.0,0.12864267760413864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183447040376828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThoughtyA,2018/02/11,"After reading a lot of posts from this subreddit for quite some time I'm starting to feel selfish, yet I don't really care. Hi. I'm nineteen and I've been having very real thoughts about my suicide since the age of ten.

I really am not sure where it all started from but whenever things went very wrong in my life I feel better by thinking ""It's fine, I'll die soon anyway"" but it's going to be another 5 and a half years until I do so.

It's not like I've even lived a hard life. I had my problems with my father all my life but in the past year it has been solved. My family is loving enough and I'm very, very lucky when compared to some other humans on this world. But I still feel like I have no ambition or goals to do anything. I have very low lows and seemingly no highs. More often than not I'm in a sort of ""middle ground"" where I'm not having a bad day but I'm far from having a decent one.


Right now I'm laid off and I'm spending a lot of time playing video games again. I've always had this dream to be a professional gamer at a certain game but the chances of that happening even if I possessed the skills necessary are low. Other than that, I have nothing I really want to do in life. I don't want to work, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go to bars and drink with friends, hell I don't even like alcohol (19 is the legal drinking age in Canada). 

None of my friends or family knows that I'm planning my suicide at the age of 25. No one even knows how saddened I am about the globe running beneath me. 

I feel like a statistic. An underwhelming, underachieving, uneducated child. I'm ignorant to the world around me and I don't care.

Since I was around 10, I would pretend I was a singer or actor in a movie or song for the brief moment of watching or listening it just so I can bathe in some positive attention and feel like I've done something I can be proud of. I just finished watching this dumb movie on Netflix called ""Take the 10"" for the tenth time. It's not even a good movie I just really like one of the main characters and I can see myself in that role. Not that I can act. I can't. It's just that I can relate and be appealed by this role. I do this so often. I've re-watched several shows. Breaking Bad, Drake & Josh, Dexter, The 100, Brooklyn 99, Travellers, Sense 8, Hemlock Grove, Lethal Weapon, iZombie and many many more. Just because there is one actor that I really like and I pretend I am that person. 

I don't know if that last part was relevant, but it's something I've never said in words or aloud and it's also strange. So, maybe there's some connection with what I feel about my path in life and this hobby of mine. I really rather watch bad movies and shows over and over than watch something new. One of the turn-ons of me watching a show is googling an actor in that series or movie that I can pretend to be, lol.

Yeah, not sure why I wrote all of this here. Sorry if this isn't the correct subreddit. I just really had a lot on my mind currently and I wanted to put it into words. I really hope to talk to some people about it. Cheers.",2.5743981481481484,3.7932650756172848,3.9594617283950635,89.75837777777781,74.94135802469134,7.15930864197531,23.76246913580247,7.699297019823105,0.9336403950617278,2411,70,538,32,50,796,274,648,0.175,0.723,0.102,-0.9915,1,0,6,0,0,2,73.0,0,0,0,7,38,36,3,0,32,2,49,10,0,1,8,102,92,42,4,12,31,1,7,7,2,1,6,3,1,3,36,23,4,1,13,22,1,9,21,13,0,8,13,16,56,23,73,73,17,72,1,3,6,1,17,35,2,24,33,348,92,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170762675018118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365844881307938,0.05583112176118932,0.07270092926951442,0.0,0.0,0.07035836884660668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521614521203757,0.11946334194291695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680727160873464,0.04090247234512162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934295224158565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685148185145795,0.0,0.1368222819290927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04327282239059868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963739333593581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686648090023802,0.0,0.13146148705731364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933043201176456,0.0,0.2215888169796328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650852298225893,0.0,0.20356135725897231,0.14380501640103566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367988789972156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440045065834425,0.056278831298652125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593347636772755,0.0,0.060106855394615924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089298841718024,0.0,0.0666437051992403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062633550355903,0.05469403181296816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696740270306296,0.229465720624718,0.0,0.05924898684053101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113360615061282,0.060558793170946576,0.0,0.0,0.1360541944414436,0.06740921392113579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775010813347415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051750309315943,0.06480391102118119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438258356046482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273375643008177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266086949924892,0.0640528749703513,0.04651748028574011,0.05858760656226849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426157886052675,0.0,0.0,0.0642039664606342,0.0,0.06745227709139698,0.0,0.07136725152683038,0.0671164109039299,0.0763725017773626,0.3438788730050608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057301541583172785,0.0638258041040452,0.0,0.0,0.06790701440643537,0.05346862053134616,0.06108372964608396,0.0,0.0758019273165413,0.0,0.11100873678245704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496654022841244,0.0,0.07511100100186455,0.09498497788416058,0.0,0.05358475165087751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678919694783113,0.0,0.12647861906315622,0.0,0.050449535898464085,0.05393103425632507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044577097923061824,0.04299385131858253,0.0,0.053268518064368664,0.11737659302883488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298363169367399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681542978796714,0.19788144085872103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220075291138216,0.06054573701458106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048848327439511535,0.0,0.0,0.047664673904560265,0.07336140657425927,0.0,0.08641815026955764
suicidewatch,whateveridk890,2018/02/11,"No college major fits me. I get so stress out of this. First I've already dropped out of Computer Science and now I'm practically a NEET. I can't seem to find a major that would best suit my interests equally. I'm interested in a lot of things, and I feel like back at High School I could be described as a ""jack of all trades, master of none"". I dropped out of Computer Science because I couldn't handle the amount of math and logical thinking it requires, and I don't particularly get excited over coding. I'm interested in drawing and animation and I was really excited to look for that major, yet I don't see myself working for another person's commission with tight deadlines. I love science, yet I don't see myself memorizing all the formulas such. I am so stressed over the fact that it seems like I'm not fit for anything. I just am not fit to put in 100% towards a specific major. I'm interested in a lot of things, but I can't see myself going beyond my own interests. It's either that or I just don't see a major that's fit for me. Probably never will be. I don't see myself making it in the real world.",3.102938596491228,4.583308679824565,5.393859649122809,78.95201754385967,74.04385964912281,8.575438596491226,28.89473684210526,9.150863307647796,2.5494894736842104,881,37,174,20,18,310,114,228,0.073,0.8370000000000001,0.08900000000000001,0.5051,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,5,10,13,0,2,11,0,16,1,0,1,4,37,36,11,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,10,0,2,7,0,1,2,13,2,0,1,1,8,24,11,30,29,15,29,0,0,6,1,2,19,0,5,8,124,36,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563723099253185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478890162777291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606098225300615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844832531207907,0.0,0.08597451159839949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480090542766484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260613004257546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131226739783612,0.10075646891756862,0.0,0.0,0.12890476130589135,0.11996553334206453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473714493741048,0.0,0.08015426540315246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490127541311083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780657205982086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843509806994827,0.0,0.0,0.23980829459773245,0.12729090363853265,0.0,0.09414292634187328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877600578672487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231475891581644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520611485056243,0.0,0.0,0.14178058798502985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053035827404638,0.09035156208333793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427364181909919,0.5619389577768289,0.25678857642731723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231135566739373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873967025793425,0.09037046312654494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267621620949756,0.0,0.0,0.10018824839888443,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingaway8980,2018/02/11,Thinking of ending it tonight Ive been in bed for the last 4 hours thinking about nothing but ending it. I know I shouldn’t but I’m just so tired of struggling to talk with other people and be happy. I can fake it to some extent but it’s been getting harder and harder. I’m at the end of my rope. This is probably incoherent and unremarkable but it’s hard to even have the energy to type. Just wanted to leave something behind just in case. ,1.7409401709401706,3.887793032967032,3.524761904761906,87.80079365079365,80.2087912087912,5.8026862026862025,21.1001221001221,6.937597516519254,0.5400832722832716,350,10,71,4,9,117,60,91,0.166,0.755,0.079,-0.8204,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,17,15,8,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,15,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5802552217341285,0.0,0.0,0.1442368460234066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409367893120878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246782304530705,0.19562411507664776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505869386800616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001503458563666,0.17800750851365152,0.0,0.23123115000035016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953992440091013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513960571843265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544880543951624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811832915256453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282964750277051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552425230528698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798560684207098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25099379800997584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880521366135814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coasterbitch,2018/02/11,"Suicide is selfish You know what i think is selfish? Guilting someone who wants to die into staying alive just so you don’t get hurt by their death. Pretty fucking selfish if you ask me. And don’t people say to do things for ourselves? To follow our dreams? Well what if my dream is to kill myself. Would you say the same thing? No, cause you can’t “handle” that because your so fucking full of yourself and you don’t understand that not everybody sees the fucking rainbow and that constant pain and fear are things that i’ve just become accustomed to and that are literally eating away at my mind and that i’m simply fucking done. LET ME DIE",4.149840000000001,5.9631221040000035,4.294599999999999,86.53630000000004,71.96000000000002,6.28,28.5,6.742157984588678,1.39804,513,20,96,4,10,159,80,125,0.279,0.6409999999999999,0.08,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,7,1,0,5,13,5,2,2,0,13,6,0,1,0,20,26,10,5,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,12,7,1,0,3,2,0,1,6,12,1,0,1,3,15,1,11,23,2,7,0,1,1,4,13,4,4,2,1,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350549058511367,0.0,0.1357292533531307,0.0,0.0,0.08806428329084567,0.15954980794482845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840494555098938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611491770650074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998629071918839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783744955746247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478233581459409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256284593850545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342208035957268,0.0754767943741671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546523492173366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982868295349273,0.0,0.07939396969301217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772484799064167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586807040194222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372052689868473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001535684027749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469724408415335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297681070525833,0.0,0.0,0.11511958753771502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240439233829885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398004897219508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802083202913422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28792759616022273,0.09256708666256767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503927502535572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520896790172412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989103080492628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262351161268153,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waheifilmguy,2018/02/11,"How can I help my deceased friend's family? My friend took his life almost a year ago and his family (wife and three daughters aged 10, 14 and 18) is still reeling. None of them are getting the emotional support they need. His wife doesn't regularly see her therapist, she stays out all night several times a week with her new boyfriend, the 18 year old has suicidal thoughts, the 14 year old just feels hated by mom and, along with the 10 year old,  she's not getting therapy. The 18 year old is getting therapy but she's hardcore into her new religious affiliation and can't wait to leave for college 

I've talked to the wife several times and shared my thoughts about what's going on, she's receptive when I when I speak to her, but it's apparent after this amount of time that she has no real intention of going through with getting the kids counseling and getting into family therapy, staying home more, spending more time with the kids, less time with the husband, etc.

Does anyone have any idea how I can help? If I keep telling her what she's not doing well, I'm afraid she's going to shut me out and then I won't be able to do anything.  

If this isn't a good sub for this kind of thing and you have an idea what might be, please let me know. 

Edit--I live in NYC, they are outside of Dallas, TX, so seeing them isn't much of an option. Also, the wife has been cut off form her deceased husband's family due to some of her behavior, and doesn't have any support from her side of the family led by her mentally ill mother. 

Thank you.  ",5.175753704649973,5.442629954692558,5.72221086697326,83.00362289218194,68.2233009708738,9.353159598024186,29.531766308976326,9.276330184999452,2.286594822006472,1212,41,251,22,19,392,162,309,0.063,0.843,0.094,0.8225,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,4,0,10,12,2,1,16,0,25,2,0,4,1,46,48,21,1,3,7,9,1,0,2,2,2,1,1,2,9,20,0,2,6,0,1,5,10,3,1,1,4,4,36,9,35,39,10,42,0,0,2,0,44,9,0,6,26,158,45,1,0.08222419961193929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288679183166819,0.0,0.08233565865033121,0.0,0.0,0.06575466272288275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183055064813212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749307217653408,0.0,0.06766351032477574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195495117951126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249115748872593,0.0,0.0,0.09170171755288603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875682881388493,0.0,0.041575025884564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705242530847666,0.0,0.21479375309275453,0.0,0.14018972249066622,0.06896575753376714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117937418816544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022629557628336,0.0,0.08247757636222505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564222599580915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308464658885555,0.0,0.08562385089509827,0.04518826975813167,0.0,0.0,0.08706355515185893,0.0,0.08407981496317153,0.058077383844384864,0.0,0.0,0.07260547467451205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286265387069194,0.08722688200574831,0.0,0.09629998882054096,0.0,0.0,0.06044424755243901,0.06096820215320276,0.0,0.1588252887132587,0.0,0.07716184131576709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451218635743433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025747971017918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935891403265678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104408297540954,0.0,0.0,0.18577988274713986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752801130169031,0.06566435202342331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993992884783812,0.18661409463755893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608869705075207,0.07186757463913568,0.07570099583305889,0.2820916144989131,0.09546863317909296,0.05462610462905092,0.0,0.0,0.13055365991931425,0.2397279601160967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135411118952512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595529324143358,0.0,0.07392943018053179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647484436190533
suicidewatch,JustWantItToStop42,2018/02/11,"Sick of it all I'm 23 almost 24, no job, I've never had a girlfriend, suffer from depression, and I'm living on my brothers couch. I'm really getting bored of the severe ups and downs here. Every time I get my hopes up about anything I crash because they end up being unrealistic. I can't seem to function as a regular human being and I feel like my life has been a complete, uneventful waste of time up to this point. I can't even spend a week in a new place before giving up on searching for a job. I hate everything about myself. I hate the way I live, I hate the way I love, I hate being shy, I hate liking the things that I like, I hate not liking the things I don't like, I hate being constantly horny, I hate being useless, I hate being as stupid as I am, I hate being so pathetic, I hate feeling alone, I hate that I've missed out on so much already, I hate that it feels like it's too late for me to be loved, I hate that I'm so insecure that I feel judged by just existing, I hate that I feel so powerless. I just want it to be over. I just want it to get better or I want to die. I'm too fucking worthless to keep going and do anything about it. I'm so fragile at this point I feel like any obstacle shatters my self confidence and will to live. My existence was and continues to be a mistake.",1.7084063184235243,3.092225564748201,3.895136065060999,88.66458085705351,77.52517985611509,6.9930559899906175,23.23803565842978,7.7425588080867325,0.9897161088520484,1009,31,225,15,23,348,133,278,0.333,0.527,0.14,-0.9968,3,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,1,15,36,17,1,12,0,20,5,0,0,2,28,62,15,1,5,5,1,7,7,1,1,2,0,1,2,16,7,0,1,7,0,1,1,6,25,0,0,3,7,39,11,35,48,2,28,0,5,0,3,8,16,1,4,16,146,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761651894134505,0.05959255668223444,0.06349519045285743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912816843430469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469860296671484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507494931141328,0.0,0.04896104480301045,0.0,0.0,0.05088814740342922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060328046208761275,0.06217870197417679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955784518599477,0.0,0.059715902276704674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096205266743405,0.0,0.0,0.038003651505254976,0.0,0.04847868688964682,0.0,0.05171191398940842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455923513319144,0.1233165960833384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319343696166317,0.090184509699078,0.055196193825571005,0.03270046835789734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8521106821570601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571487357063617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419621064162258,0.051142882604381344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490595967169842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064116011441303,0.19677291024631274,0.0,0.15242270877780403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386152616442758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042297434563444064,0.0,0.044377255750975377,0.05557106365283965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060115509645670175,0.0,0.10878500386405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686065092272165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238090996091102,0.06002522773627079,0.0650021528259092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645207541043816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671023504576946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018131341679184,0.09134280205220792,0.04615393214336955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crazy-Turk96,2018/02/11,"I've lost interest in everything, even life. I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of acting like there is nothing going on, tired to smile, tired to breathe. I had a very sad childhood, I always got rejected, that made an insecure person. Now that I'm older, I don't trust anybody and don't make any friend. Since I lost the women I love my heart is broken, my world is more upside down. She was the only thing keeping my inner flame alive and she didn't know about it. I never told her that because I was so afraid of losing her. Now she is gone and I just want to end this. I already got a big scar on my neck because of a failure. I just don't want to hurt my mom. Every second I am wishing to die... I don't even know I am telling you this story of mine... ",0.5966334355828238,2.4335285521472443,2.572082055214725,94.7670801380368,82.49693251533742,5.056595092024541,20.0034509202454,5.985473137389443,-0.11189539877300624,586,16,134,4,16,196,98,163,0.214,0.659,0.127,-0.9461,0,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,3,10,13,0,2,6,0,15,8,3,2,1,15,34,4,1,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,7,8,0,1,11,0,26,5,14,23,1,16,0,6,0,1,13,7,0,0,7,84,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563989877205874,0.0,0.11792800559998752,0.0,0.0,0.09637904683551507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055484824599407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279061697527626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470899858758961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552782962778344,0.0,0.0,0.18721835725560454,0.0,0.11941089555741095,0.0,0.1273748601012913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949773186667196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054657546009593,0.0,0.2267036504356913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794687559315005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517214121284814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259732431919672,0.0,0.0,0.15577862550773755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010579157808426,0.06924052886945273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855597571682886,0.30942296897119065,0.0,0.12791392103384713,0.13410527323214386,0.09460370302803267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598865120493833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930840316831944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599063452703275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778957626841744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375032735895874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172378282933704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656087437036854,0.0,0.12387542226978784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415695203094276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886821347003156,0.0,0.13542597872052967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693940771539657,0.16718821280744944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629787626910762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QueefOnAYogaBall,2018/02/11,"I want to step in front of a train. I have had the worst day of my life. I might get fired for doing something stupid, but, something I don't regret. It's just not worth the fight anymore. Nothing is. Everything is a struggle. Trying to work, to live, to survive. I would understand if I got something out of it. Something simple, like happiness. But I won't. It never happens. I try, but everything just turned into more of a struggle. 
I've been thinking about it for a while. I might do it. Just jump in front of one. Why not? Nothing is worth anything anymore. ",0.25038155802861795,2.6574984684684715,1.7330471648118717,94.267106518283,95.84684684684684,4.0532061473237935,22.7456279809221,5.900188976854957,0.4542852146263918,434,18,87,4,17,139,66,111,0.149,0.7190000000000001,0.132,0.0325,0,0,4,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,2,6,0,13,1,0,0,1,19,20,5,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,2,4,5,6,0,1,3,1,10,2,16,13,2,11,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045581239082432,0.0,0.0,0.1263575062964405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902621609472276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27599936188348345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022286422499103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280693146031725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578261840188466,0.16345545852796284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845599584730048,0.07501614435237419,0.0,0.13558632532225354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32578183541933303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184262322210506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946682596686954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404858072669496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728371990343232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32104490434100513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838781424951172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849899169731773,0.16701690539708353,0.0,0.1598496237691764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905670083025047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385538290777804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178529066645246,0.0,0.0,0.10907659906146867,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NervousSponge,2018/02/11,"I'm really tired. Honestly sometimes I just wanna go, and leave all this shit behind and do myself a favor",2.884285714285717,5.180756714285717,5.362142857142857,75.32035714285716,77.09523809523809,8.009523809523811,20.02380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.778695238095238,85,2,14,2,2,30,19,21,0.29600000000000004,0.482,0.222,-0.2534,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490484266417754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640077969307676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807325881948261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44982274301696973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334071339594829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036651820384865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FarCommon,2018/02/11,"I want to kill myself, but I can't. For the past few months I've been thinking about how would I kill myself, I've even made up the perfect plan for how to do it.

I only need to buy a rope, which is one big problem for me, I'm too anxious to go to a store and buy one. Next reason that stops me is the feel of guilt if I leave my two best internet friends behind. When I somehow manage to make them leave me (which probably wouldn't be that hard considering I'm really shitty person), I'll probably just try to overcome my anxiety and buy the stupid rope, hope I can do at least that right.

I don't even know why I'm saying this, guess I just need to vent. ",4.3280281690140825,3.6086743028169046,5.459260563380283,87.53705985915497,70.05633802816902,8.790140845070423,26.200704225352112,8.07648339933343,1.2200535211267596,509,12,121,6,8,170,87,142,0.215,0.652,0.133,-0.9031,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,3,10,9,3,1,6,0,11,0,0,5,1,25,25,7,2,8,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,1,4,0,4,1,3,5,0,3,2,3,17,4,16,20,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,5,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013079850466594,0.17740404446297098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647977942754973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074393289542316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794012530475441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132429935501345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892462032459346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299096956336438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067187503593878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597047804565786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474703404468584,0.0,0.08630193645118701,0.0,0.0,0.33255326854279643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858963776997364,0.10482160489170207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534326840701465,0.0,0.0,0.2328778656908847,0.0,0.0,0.16700774403163998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282099172444102,0.11943165027804516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990699420833414,0.0,0.13711628091128558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33861903910130403,0.15026060317856774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060018431608153,0.16145739940832693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410642170571396,0.0,0.1248799666400033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128769411921634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006212293139382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661597178130636,0.0,0.1533996788558265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262289014341933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169901744746535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155265081013838,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McMonkfish,2018/02/11,"Method I'm not hanging myself fuck. I'm not gonna sit there gasping for air if my neck doesn't break.


Jumping is gonna make me hesitate.


So i've reached a conclusion that if i want to die it's via gunshot to the head. You can't get a gun too easily where i live, so that's pretty much the final obstacle.",1.9935294117647078,2.7760759999999998,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,75.76470588235293,7.792941176470588,25.364705882352943,8.238735603445708,1.3220082352941178,240,8,57,4,5,83,52,68,0.125,0.674,0.201,0.5011,0,0,1,2,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,4,0,3,3,2,1,0,7,11,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,9,1,7,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,1,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763008491838293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971887233650613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33519941483809623,0.18943311183532127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721117369238007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32016482802304963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24202499968570085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665380566598345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688742619966574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138591083489922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr-Dr-Prof-Dankweed,2018/02/11,"I want to understand what's happening. It's been on my mind everyday for two months now. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I don't want to hurt my family. I always feel inadequate and alone. I feel like I'm useless. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live this way. I'm trying. Yesterday, my dad searched my room. He thinks I don't know. I want him to trust me. I've done nothing to betray his trust. I always feel unhappy, but it's as if my emotions are coming from nothing. I feel like if I do something, my emotions will become real, and then I can get rid of them. I want the attention I feel I need. But I just want to be as good as everybody else.",0.13195402298850567,2.022051620689659,2.746896551724141,92.586091954023,84.51724137931033,6.349425287356322,20.701149425287355,7.554174236665415,0.6447149425287355,515,16,121,9,15,179,81,145,0.071,0.684,0.245,0.9693,0,1,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,30,33,11,1,10,6,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,9,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,5,27,5,14,29,0,10,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,8,73,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595564950756225,0.0,0.0,0.21845353791558245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449768881563812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307708106003707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362370526113008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433431018123393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965885240848168,0.2953211171048536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374923497041575,0.0,0.33186910568692063,0.18755796415953055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858291412152394,0.0,0.0,0.11010265797212666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608121633422212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405267522688369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214230347713829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282633283054485,0.0,0.11591340443230308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325448096782556,0.0,0.10477809050495387,0.0,0.0,0.09733469694091076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519133185087835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983639664919333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941346946325054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010577013427388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974720917553572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720964619836412,0.0841122176385303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891233975509622,0.0,0.1282312615496402,0.1366562154720993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419832100065242,0.10419564684116672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Jade_Bunny,2018/02/12,"i lose everyone i meet anyone talk to me? anytime i meet a new friend i lose them in less than a day and it just happened and always happens. it is 00.53, i own a shotgun, i just want to end it all right now. it is so easy to and yet im coming here as a last resort before i truly end it all and the little hope that anything will turn out differently",1.5634199134199172,2.587714714285717,3.820194805194806,90.5312445887446,77.18181818181819,6.172294372294372,21.924242424242426,6.42735559955562,0.27696709956709986,271,7,63,2,6,94,52,77,0.07,0.752,0.17800000000000002,0.8099,1,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,12,9,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,7,8,4,12,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,7,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655063617830236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390802342403947,0.0,0.16368331886321005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925500603602173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134056482548576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827840766992293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781523329156584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523447085959345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900639370173696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367487249990291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517851891096294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755929731173785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485343775228014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213556043758198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935683226570214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450515811971393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210539219153255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986528969550732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987372249369314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216353441777503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732036293662967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdditionalLoan,2018/02/12,"Been struggling lately Went through a bad breakup a few months ago. Thought we were going to get married and it ended out of no where. I was fine for a while, focusing on bettering myself. Quit doing drugs, went back to school, started to exercise more.

But the last few weeks I've been falling back down. I have been trying to get back out in the dating scene but it's just been depressing me. And now I feel like I'm spiraling into a hole. I've been over eating, drinking too much, and can't focus on school. 

I keep trying to reach out to my friends, but it hasn't been any help. Even my good friends, my 'real' friends, haven't been there. And the only one who has just hasn't been helping enough. 

I went back to school to get a degree in something to help people. But I can't help but see people and just focus on what bastards they are. I'm getting more and more pessimistic and the longer it goes on, the more I think about ending it all.

I've thought about it a lot before, I used to be very depressed when I was young because of bullying. I thought I had gotten past this point in life, but thinking that I'm back here just makes it worse. I'm not going to do anything rash, but the more I analyze it, I just don't see any reason to keep going. I don't want to work my dead end job my entire life, and I don't know if I can keep on this path if I can't get back to wanting to help people. I just want someone to talk to. 

Honestly, I just want a fucking hug. ",2.3891991341991345,3.618597681818187,3.437077922077921,93.27799783549784,75.42857142857143,6.172294372294372,23.54761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.4238177489177488,1138,33,258,8,24,366,148,308,0.188,0.718,0.093,-0.982,1,0,3,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,1,3,22,15,2,1,13,0,28,9,1,3,1,50,64,19,1,6,17,0,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,13,13,2,3,8,2,0,7,11,6,0,1,19,3,28,9,37,44,11,44,0,2,2,2,12,16,2,3,22,171,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755441047124546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590767841346207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013039236234032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931824524074025,0.07115675725729684,0.05195050149078128,0.0,0.07251759107179492,0.0,0.0,0.07537187734964756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680305806612678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348505344281272,0.09883039016926692,0.08720331672228901,0.0,0.0,0.22644402159218374,0.08805704166714659,0.0,0.056288285312972544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430907717285741,0.06088256846585505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975267702200743,0.07878630704898701,0.22262472208538125,0.0,0.1453007713647705,0.07148011701128289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856123381830201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456962201865181,0.2272475186258261,0.0,0.0,0.04683574755583825,0.06946725267024913,0.09613405638159978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038954812823492,0.04163513344905385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724526428495183,0.0,0.0,0.0568863043749009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802333665195376,0.0,0.06264792909135881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774858973545061,0.0648151229580289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135398145518062,0.17724648098588272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056227615951274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064401964640068,0.0,0.09700122119666396,0.0,0.0876223444185132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587474485690924,0.13582169934307226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072208270243312,0.06560801028708102,0.0,0.0,0.060320525291687466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890924716990832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849816441149069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921355160022952,0.0,0.20297009460197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572020154133998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360439067744785,0.0,0.07031702277814125,0.2010644246947096,0.0,0.0683598969547,0.0,0.0,0.2370047668208406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062042584762512135,0.0,0.08684843401022845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LukeLeiaLoveChild,2018/02/12,"Anyone Else Written a Letter Already? I've written my goodbye letter a little while back and add to it every now and then. I don't want to sound like I'm rambling on or want anything from someone. I just want them to know that when I'm gone it's because I'm fucked in the head and no ones fault.
Am I the only one this prepared to?",1.6437500000000007,3.048049208333336,3.3483333333333363,92.43,77.75,4.800000000000002,24.5,3.1291,0.16389999999999993,261,9,57,0,6,87,52,72,0.188,0.747,0.065,-0.7718,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,10,13,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,3,1,5,1,7,10,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,6,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801006457595742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747935738622586,0.2600722657335993,0.2088751892413032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517467483673828,0.0,0.1547285059236966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120370413839969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385732378341413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465582096639806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604962337457006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139494808234339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240053860432704,0.2543979212740936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439948702151563,0.1930442796271393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506390601570613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44913519313582506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GanjaPrincessXO,2018/02/12,"I think I’m going crazy .. Not sure how to write this but here goes .. I’ve been sad for years. It doesn’t matter if I have money, a job, friends, or whatever. I’m still sad. I’m crying all day, finding myself thinking about everything I should be doing. I have a job but call off so much because my motivation is literally gone. I don’t even leave the house anymore. I want to die, but at other times I just want to figure out my purpose. If I can’t figure out my purpose, I’m gonna just leave this world. I don’t seem to make a difference. I have no money. Living paycheck to paycheck with my parents who take most of my money. I haven’t even bought myself clothes in years. Guys only want sex from me but instead of realizing it, I give it and feel bad afterwards. I seriously don’t know how to keep carrying on. . I’m confused in this world .. I feel like nothing. I mean nothing. Therefore, I am nothing. I’d rather die a nobody than to keep living these dreary, sad, cold days as one.. I know I may not make sense but then again my thoughts don’t either .. sorry it’s so long and if it doesn’t make sense. I just need something .. someone. Anything. ",0.3613383985973115,2.6876560338983104,2.3337931034482757,92.82500000000002,88.23728813559322,4.780596142606663,20.849795441262426,6.311591054244273,0.2396874926943311,888,30,190,9,29,295,133,236,0.206,0.7290000000000001,0.066,-0.9884,3,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,0,1,15,9,0,1,5,0,18,1,0,7,2,55,47,17,2,9,16,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,2,14,0,4,2,11,6,0,1,4,3,28,3,22,39,4,21,0,3,0,1,7,9,0,8,11,118,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046179957117585,0.0,0.0,0.0999563065497556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141917650693658,0.07404464851125754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403053810339433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342488176797654,0.15667125923179584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25212541038070224,0.12690629264403078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045451657632312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916595947707287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228338882267494,0.08677545457990947,0.0,0.0,0.1110178768668918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384445996865376,0.0,0.0,0.11652141631588207,0.06903202237632672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027060305213058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015564933544655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410728581017518,0.2159294220312212,0.0,0.0,0.1335092584678677,0.0,0.0,0.2572302668395325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059342234116865136,0.0,0.21451370314432755,0.10749373622710988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323883071415964,0.0,0.0,0.13231226581256267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929160944386658,0.09006562436624814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496501920292744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823086189021878,0.09238049412271446,0.0,0.0,0.13487380484215353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105782372575924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029178898440606,0.0935105903085831,0.0,0.13597143032296666,0.0,0.0,0.09700303854677553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448042570264826,0.0,0.09132744156976058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566123153479242,0.0,0.09643056936782396,0.07082789927657088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149316786279702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644045933730968
suicidewatch,villduhakaffe,2018/02/12,"I cut my own face and now I will never ever be able to leave my house. I will never get past this shame written on my face. I have bought drugs to kill myself with because of this. Please help. I am male. I am so ashamed. I don't know what I was thinking. I cut my face because I hated it and now I hate it even more. 

I have only been in public two times in several months because of these scars, each time has been hell. They are visible and everyone knows I made them. I look ridiculous and pathetic. I can't look people in the eye.

I see absolutely no way out of this. I tried fractional laser on one of them but it didn't work. One cut is so deep I think I cut a nerve because my smile is more crooked now and I can't blink properly.

As I see it there's only two ways out for me. Either I get rid of the scars and damage, or I kill myself. But at the same time I don't want to die. help..",-0.5252587412587388,1.4255458564102597,1.7242540792540808,98.48763986013986,87.87179487179488,4.981351981351981,17.068764568764568,6.351523495107088,-0.4681794871794875,682,16,169,7,22,229,109,195,0.218,0.726,0.056,-0.9794,0,0,1,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,3,1,8,13,10,2,4,0,19,5,4,1,3,24,35,12,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,10,0,0,4,0,1,0,8,13,0,4,7,5,35,0,19,25,6,22,1,1,5,0,7,9,1,1,11,116,44,1,0.13297408442299874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242390705737227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800610573063296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420772145292894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782812865293223,0.12028267227060754,0.0,0.12706243614537302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894694161615834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625687573159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782594516306709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534342399818152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29423224532873515,0.0,0.1461581584522844,0.0,0.0,0.14080035546188086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332948107275208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582329385989485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613864553967194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511562299858493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021336200275564,0.20226556649084612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693880991303086,0.09218748714024096,0.0,0.0,0.14596561332833866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192625814476546,0.0,0.0,0.15022286582967162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040884808011686,0.0,0.0,0.2326147739289325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028067467507056,0.0,0.2597927171822001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843156023241363,0.2110972775616398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680671717364502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,some121,2018/02/12,I want to die but I can't I just feel like there's no point in living and I want it all to end and just give up but I feel like I can't commit suicide. I just want to be involved in an accident or just not wake up one day and everything to be over. I don't even know why I'm writing this who fucking cares nothing'll happen I'll just keep living inside my already dead mind and body until I eventually actually die,1.2342032967032956,2.7914255384615387,3.498997252747256,90.23662774725277,79.32967032967035,6.308241758241758,22.36401098901099,7.1686216300943375,0.6076692307692309,328,10,75,4,8,113,58,91,0.271,0.602,0.128,-0.9516,0,0,0,0,0,4,2.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,2,24,17,8,4,3,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,2,10,3,10,15,1,9,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,5,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.17967870006752873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031856797183436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045205251557855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772693607843988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874490394866445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821837877026287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307942754754942,0.0,0.0,0.12161232540293584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547899641746214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619749826030868,0.2630767907200648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021989490109488,0.0,0.17662875062388889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282045922674804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365808639383386,0.0,0.0,0.10118986820402698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799076084498906,0.0,0.3251701582082639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859129966195328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476735163310634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405692301758366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014020363051092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258037454903398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614348981913166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CourageAndHardWork,2018/02/12,"I don't know what to do. Please help me. If anyone has time, please just text me via telegram. username: @Augmented_Mike

I feel weak and alone, I don't know what to do. Please help me.
",-0.2704504504504506,1.9671733513513523,0.20959459459459487,104.54340090090092,99.27027027027029,3.547747747747748,14.274774774774775,5.46131890053228,-1.1858252252252257,142,3,33,1,6,42,23,37,0.116,0.5920000000000001,0.29100000000000004,0.7506,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588681131673632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747676745974568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637993274848766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33506634152734704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27472697233718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8230951615634857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574520560264065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZlMMeh,2018/02/12,"What should I do? I know there were many people like me before, on this subreddit, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

As a kid I loved music, and I promised myself that when I grow up, I will be somehow connected to music production. I knew it for sure. Now im 18, still love music, but the world made me look at all my dreams like something childish and unachievable. Because of it I decided to drop my dreams and concencrate on studying maths, and psychics.

Lately I couldnt get myself to do anything. I can't study like I did before, can't get up to do simple tasks. It's not like i want to kill myself as much, as i did before, or the empty feeling. I have been through it already. Right now I am just scared that these feelings will come back again.

I have feeling, that if I can't get myself to work now, I will lose something important in my life, or when I realise what to do, it will be too late...

Please help.

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suicidewatch,Toriels_booty_call,2018/02/12,"I don't think I know just how in over my head I am. I'm living a life clearly made for someone better than me. I don't even know where to begin. 

I apologize in advance for complaining about, what I believe, are first world problems. I guess I'll start by talking about the only thing keeping me here, which is my girlfriend. Without her, I'm sure I would have ended it my freshman year of college. She is the *only* thing that gives my world color, and she's saved my life so many times and doesn't even know it. We've known each other since we were in diapers and later dated in high school after she built up the courage to break up with her first boyfriend who was, to put it very gently, a degenerate assfuck. 

I blew it the first time. It was my first relationship, and dumbass me had no idea how they worked. I didn't realize what I had walked out on until two years later when we met again and she was with someone else. But, one fateful night on her backyard trampoline after an emotional breakdown, she left everything behind for me, taught me how to love and live, and now there's no separating us. 

She's perfect. I'm not. I've messed up our relationship so many times, and she hasn't done a single thing wrong. She wants me to forgive myself, saying she's happier than she's ever been with me, but that's just not how my brain works. I keep a list of everything that I've done wrong in my head, and every time I look at it or add something to it, I hate myself a little more.

I used to be pretty narcissistic in terms of my looks. Maybe it's for the better that I've gained 70 pounds; it certainly knocked the chip off my shoulder. I absolutely hate looking in the mirror at my stretch marks, my droopy eye, my twitchy eyebrows, and my fat, cellulite fucking ass. But the self-disgust and loathing aren't just over superficial qualities. I don't think it's what I see in the mirror that I truly loathe, but the fact that I see something in the mirror to begin with. My very being and existence makes my skin crawl.

Right now I'm a sophomore in college, desperately chasing a degree that I really don't want anymore, and I'm not even sure if I'll get it. The only thing that's keeping me here is a single scholarship, and as my classes are getting more advanced and taxing, my GPA slowly begins to tank. If I don't keep it above a certain score, I lose the scholarship, and if I lose the scholarship, I'll be forced to drop school altogether. I think the only reason I've gotten this far is dumb luck. Every single day I question why I'm here in the first place. Looking at my classmates, it becomes pretty clear that I just don't belong. They're all super social with  type-A personalities, and I don't have any of that. No friends, no social skills, no pep in my step, nothing. 

I stupidly signed up for a research project this semester, and only now do I realize that I have barely any time to contribute to it. I'm working myself to the bone at my job, with my studies, with trying to cram in research, and I feel like I am getting absolutely nowhere. I come back to my dorm every night wanting nothing more than alone time to cry and ponder, but when you share a space with 5 other people and your roommate is completely fucking shiftless and never leaves his computer desk, that's basically out of the question. 

Where am I? Why am I fucking here? Why can't I just be happy like my girlfriend wants me to be? The ""me"" that other people see is a complete fucking lie. I'm not smart, I'm not ambitious, and I certainly don't have my shit together. I feel like I'm playing this role that was meant for someone else. Everyday when I brush my teeth and make eye contact with myself in the bathroom mirror, I recognize myself a little bit less. I feel like, with all of these pressures, I don't even know who I am, what I want, what I like, or what I stand for. I see myself as a character with traits imposed upon him by others, and not by me. The real me, the one behind the character, just wants to walk away from it all and sleep forever.

It would be so easy to jump off a bridge. The only thing keeping me here is my girlfriend, because I know she would follow me into the dark. For now, I stay for her, but I fear the weight of the world and my identity crises becoming too much to bear, and I may do something drastic one day. 

There are people on this sub who are worth much more time than I, so I think you for reading this far. I'm scared, very scared, but talking helps. 

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suicidewatch,KillerGent,2018/02/12,I'm killing myself tonight. Serious I'm going to kill myself tonight because the girl of my dreams. The love of my life. The woman who wanted to have my kids. Wants to break up because I made a mistake. It's all over for me. I wish I had been better,-0.4039083557951493,1.8139155094339607,1.61191374663073,96.99150943396229,92.01886792452831,3.783288409703504,20.77897574123989,5.288315135182226,-0.18396280323450176,194,7,43,1,7,64,38,53,0.202,0.6,0.197,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,6,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,9,2,8,8,1,6,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34607871948167274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25105246387972296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613250544608709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6281014716296097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049980009620388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25619612204757475,0.26859665211196565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348577811323542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32642676137272875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Corvidove,2018/02/12,"I’m emotionally unavailable I don’t really come off as a warm or loving person and it’s ruining my friendships. Trying to be better and faking my emotions is so painful I want to stop living. I don’t understand how everyone else are able to maintain their relationships
I keep screwing up and I have to watch my body language all the time so it matches up with what I say and I’m so tired. I can’t keep this up but I don’t want to lose everyone so it’s better if I can’t hurt anybody ",0.558462783171521,2.8443899514563142,3.223519417475728,87.2394215210356,86.37864077669903,6.5401294498381874,23.14644012944984,7.793537801064563,1.3803275080906152,387,15,81,8,12,135,64,103,0.188,0.67,0.142,-0.6893,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,3,5,10,1,0,2,0,9,5,1,1,1,17,18,13,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,3,13,4,11,17,1,7,0,3,1,2,5,4,1,2,2,53,18,0,0.17662627230630842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31242316894631506,0.0,0.1961919709894746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214789403291598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475485863236818,0.3973615661965593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375479446825804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890820775753568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139870926256879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596423438978715,0.0,0.0,0.1975996194600268,0.0,0.0,0.15941210670652375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794280681203865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422324818495375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315131281360588,0.0,0.0,0.18963051591982072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046030099744922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476674724490116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299219977266467,0.20300591724181194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991764484296988,0.0,0.0,0.1838741785309176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835750327035807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zodintino,2018/02/12,"What's worse? This is a simple question. What's worse convincing someone to stay alive cause it will make you happy, or watching them suffer? I think about this everyday cause my life is hell. I don't have a terrible life per se. What i can say is waking up everyday wanting to die and you talk to the people you trust and they all say the same thing you have so much to live for I'll miss you but they fail to understand that me being alive is torture and i am still here because of that. So tell me who's selfish?",0.8999221183800614,3.1914590467289727,2.2239485981308427,94.99953660436137,84.70093457943925,5.4358255451713395,20.1316199376947,6.816661863887847,0.2547451713395641,406,12,89,5,12,130,72,107,0.227,0.664,0.109,-0.9465,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,3,1,5,10,2,0,4,0,11,3,1,3,1,14,16,7,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,15,3,9,14,3,5,1,3,1,0,14,1,1,2,3,61,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150809185070095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095281555986357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068703014896231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121876520069556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815815796200884,0.0,0.0,0.1760096865132129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305254229853705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652852434234606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818847475847065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329223069147747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170261905601536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888940205248135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245641518363215,0.1591830652791427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602117595417779,0.17422087438180106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324242227504153,0.1277209062316444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075067828706027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756842514815975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062631618167148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imsofuckingdoneugh,2018/02/12,Tired I'm out of pills so I can't overdose and die.. I should try a different method.. ,-1.9022807017543848,-0.04773421052631477,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,101.63157894736842,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,-0.35817192982456136,66,2,17,1,3,22,17,19,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.4404,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221513941064614,0.5256455311260061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5782538636450342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415803952505587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AceTrainerErin,2018/02/12,"I want to leave I live in an affluent suburb outside of Chicago. I go to one of the most competitive schools in the country. Today, we had the announcements for the Senior Advisory program (basically where we led a class of freshmen). I’ve wanted to do this since freshman year and guess who didn’t make it!

I give a lot to this school. I represent them nationally for ultimate frisbee. I’m a writer and I contribute to Literary Magazine as an editor. I do theatre. I promote the school’s shows through our media department. I’ve won awards representing the school for my short films. And what do I get for working hard? Zero recognition. Zero positive reinforcement. Zero awards or recognition to my name. No “great job, AceTrainerErin!”. No love, no heart. Absolutely zero chance. 

I’m tired of this fucking town.  Literally no one here is mentally okay - the pressure they beat down on us causes extreme anxiety. You have to be perfect. Your GPA has to be above a 4.0 or you’re worthless. You must participate in 50 clubs. You have to do volunteer hours. You can’t just be average. Average is bad. 

People are sent to the mental hospital as if it was a fucking movie theater. Kids around here kill themselves constantly and all the schools do is... cover it up. 

Since I’m a decently popular, athletic, smart, attractive teenage girl, maybe I should fucking kill myself and see if anyone notices. See if that’ll make a change. I know I sound like a martyr but maybe this will help - the fifth fucking suicide of a high schooler from this town. Maybe someone will change something. Maybe I’ll save someone from the same fate I do.  Maybe the school district will stop shitting on kids and ruining their goddamn mental stability.  

I don’t care anymore. I can’t wait another year. I just want to leave this town. ",3.1444075007879,6.024795224550902,4.195379766782228,80.63883391112516,80.2874251497006,7.707406240151276,29.44815631894107,8.611707548084741,2.8541209580838323,1431,69,250,35,38,463,193,334,0.129,0.741,0.131,-0.3586,1,0,1,0,0,2,52.0,4,5,3,7,6,24,7,1,23,1,28,8,2,4,3,37,52,14,3,8,8,0,1,1,0,6,1,1,0,3,12,9,0,2,1,3,0,4,8,11,0,6,5,4,31,13,33,38,4,26,0,2,2,5,21,15,5,8,8,157,43,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699365683812252,0.06346626193966133,0.0,0.08227673614661547,0.058009470315300835,0.0,0.0,0.0738544194818882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927041481509548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458603316897675,0.08522557760934697,0.17552713732181574,0.0,0.0,0.08965323888347666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30679083091427195,0.04334460265294991,0.07958541097493073,0.04714963175831001,0.0,0.0,0.09146670352868057,0.0913928012147362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431831120499402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831123538081077,0.055608169637939256,0.08765468000031121,0.0,0.0,0.08170157821268498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232770890338897,0.0,0.1835719392326113,0.0,0.04559414715368183,0.0,0.0,0.17569110596903162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040531399631790636,0.0,0.07325761119404035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705319469026455,0.07487710357711408,0.0,0.1107565339746586,0.0,0.4167360699029127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508207586402488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445361882454884,0.0,0.0,0.11243538688804476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057515911515435524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037762760862919,0.13222111036293746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516005090154402,0.13725525636815966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405881050691588,0.06386876331851273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936055772659072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074776203711747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535345467873513,0.07863896816718223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997939501526042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680070424793867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039785606249257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685055711745343
suicidewatch,pkx12,2018/02/12,"Weird thoughts, anxiety. Hi, someone told me this subreddit exists, so i made an account just to write this. I'm 16 years old, i feel like i'm just a dissapointment and i agree with it, i can't think of doing simple things i get really nervous when it comes down to other people looking at me, really nervous.. Once i liked sports and played soccer with my brother, really liked P.E and i was one of the ""cooler"" kids in primary school. Then i went to middle school, met new people and got simply overloaded with thoughts. It started with volleyball, in primary school we never played it so i didn't know how to play it. I got scared and even if i learned to play it at home i still couldn't do it in school. So i ended up with 40% attendance for 3 years. During that time i've noticed that people of my age are much taller and ""wider"" than me, even though i had some good friends there and no one really insulted me even once back then i just felt like i'm missing something, couldn't do any public ""appearences"" once when i was being asked by the blackboard by an English teacher (i'm not a native speaker, sorry for that) my legs were shaking so much i couldn't stand.. I cared about this grade and that much stress kills me.. hasn't happened ever since. This one time we played darts. It was my turn and i got so stressed i just couldn't throw it because i felt like i'm about to pass out. Fast forward to now, as i pointed out i'm really short (160cm maybe shorter) and i'm skinny i guess.. (around 48kg) i feel like people point fingers at me, the feeling gets stronger every day and i'm not sure if i can do it anymore. I'm not sure who to call a friend, i hang around some people from which few of them recently started making jokes about the way i look, i'm pretty open about that and i used to laugh about it too but it's just too much now. I know that some people are just like that and i know that they simply do not know what i feel and they think it doesn't matter to me and it's just jokes. So i make fake smiles and laughs but it's really hard, especially today i just came back from school and felt like it's the last day of my life, i just felt dead, felt humiliated . Once when i got out of my city for a bit i was really happy. I made some progress like getting my own clothes (was too embarrassed to look for clothes my size myself) I felt really good being there. I used life, didn't play video games just went to some cool places i've never been to, i've even learned to ice skate. I feel like a part of me growing up just wasn't there, people of my age already drink alcohol and get driving licences for motorcycles, and i feel like i'm 12 years old compared to them. It's just too much for me, i feel like the better days have already been there in my life and there's not much to do because i'll just keep going with my state until i get insane. I sometimes fake stories just so people think i had fun in my shitty life, sometimes i tell real ones because i had a great life when i was younger. I point out every wrong thing that is happening with me, i look in the mirror and i just think i look atrocious even though i care about the way i look and i shower every day. We played co-op games with my brother, when i was 11 or so, we played outside and we still played soccer. , then he got older and we just stopped.. talking. Last year in may we played again with some of our family members and that's the first time i heard him laugh since i was 11. Now he's at college and sometimes when he comes back we don't exchange a word. I hate the place i live in, not the neighbourhood, whole country actually. Recently i caught myself just looking at the games i just bought and never playing them, just because every day i think about these terrible things and i just can't rest, can't find a way to relax. Tommorrow i'm propably gonna be ashamed that i wrote this, so.. If i could get out of this place i would just go without thinking, even right now. I can't find peace and i don't want any contact with people i'd be happy if i could just get into a bus and look outside the windows forever.. I think about suicide every day, even though i know what it brings to my family and to the people around me and i'm too dumb to actually kill myself but still i think about ways to do it. 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suicidewatch,joskinny,2018/02/12,"i don't know how many more times i'll have the good sense to post here or reach out for help at all i don't want to die. i really don't. then why does my brain keep sending me all these thoughts? get rejected? die. fail a class? die. can't figure out my future? die. do something i feel guilty about? die. they've got to come from somewhere, i reason. and they're getting stronger and stronger. 

it used to be that i could let them have their say, make a dramatic show about trying to strangle myself until i convinced them to settle down, and they'd stay that way for months or years. now? it's every day. i listen to them, hear them out. i think, if they're in my head, they might know something that could help me, right? so i hear them out. let them tell me i'm worthless, that i've sinned irreparably against my God, that my friends have never truly loved me, that my parents want me dead, that the abuse and assault and trauma i keep facing is going to not only haunt me forever but continue to repeat itself, that i deserve it, that it's my fault i got groped and kissed by a drunk guy on the streets the other day for being nice to him, that it's my fault the friend i trusted last year kept grabbing my ass without asking, that it's my fault that no one sees me as a person with heart but as a body to break off pieces of... that whenever i pour my heart and soul out to someone, it's just the same as someone taking something out of me like that. that there's no such thing as vulnerability or trust without someone hurting me. that all the fears i have of this, that it's really happening, not just in my head. that i was never meant to be human, never meant to be alive, i was a mistake, a post that God didn't mean to hit publish on, a cancerous mutation on society that happened when he wasn't looking, that i'll never be my own person, never be anything more than someone else's project, problem, thing to fix, that no one truly loves me - they just feel sorry for me....

there i go again. it goes on and on and on. it seems like that's all there is in my head. and i'm probably being a whiny baby by complaining about it on reddit instead of sucking it up and recognizing that life has ups and downs. but whatever. 

my friends move on with their lives. forget about me. i can forget about that, but so much of me is devoted to forgetting by now that i don't know what's left for me. 

my life is going ok right now. but i just can't get it. every step i take, i fuck it up by not being able to let go of the past. 

i'm going to go jump off a highway bridge after i get out of class (yes, i'm in class right now) if i don't get an answer. 

Goodbye. ",2.305016350555917,3.6005149496402886,3.557606278613473,92.06304774362332,75.76258992805755,6.421451929365599,22.708306082406807,6.883109765328512,0.4705697841726622,2056,56,465,19,44,670,240,556,0.136,0.73,0.133,0.2695,1,1,3,0,1,1,75.0,0,0,11,1,24,31,3,1,19,2,37,17,9,4,9,81,88,32,6,8,19,1,3,2,3,1,3,4,0,4,47,22,1,3,14,2,0,11,22,16,0,2,10,9,69,15,80,62,10,73,2,4,2,5,33,32,3,7,27,316,116,6,0.06977735516992074,0.082674755798801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742081788887261,0.0,0.06523240783331201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750691141507156,0.0,0.07789460512650047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601070129696162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142308053623172,0.0,0.0,0.09000124309606453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620893912136796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106263373049629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582900266098156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758086240661905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851892382564052,0.07056305469769836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172943454220215,0.0645080404772701,0.18227894061077746,0.0,0.2379364737770812,0.0585259349523367,0.1116146504241796,0.0,0.0,0.06909055199837373,0.12340776946701325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148350915153777,0.0,0.15728830108041025,0.1653730036824447,0.09354058065375416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469810187898614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404263870166565,0.0,0.0,0.11504342869770533,0.0568778575230199,0.0,0.0,0.07581330055790465,0.21405621966508787,0.09857161903613157,0.06817938229134553,0.0,0.061614682995448415,0.0,0.05859540446676793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595357466137416,0.0,0.046576926405964815,0.07074328615334273,0.0,0.07600799571266115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402274701128364,0.0,0.0,0.055695619181831205,0.07416228576323411,0.05129438473527848,0.0,0.26908298972270256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456588343056778,0.05306882289477135,0.0,0.0,0.07747949532294496,0.0,0.0666103809820002,0.0,0.12185379019263827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336548360205809,0.0,0.07523179062262425,0.0667675052599587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940232094629091,0.07174274251677122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178768440174363,0.0,0.0554897534890846,0.0,0.0,0.055603517965798384,0.06352268349251332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364885063975908,0.16115405106882436,0.0,0.0781100363565173,0.0,0.07437337643860972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492777437756773,0.0,0.06098848397993525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271394850274876,0.04471051170677137,0.0,0.055395425798710186,0.0406877369342068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737424385448838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060265231243462086,0.0,0.0,0.08231298389630587,0.055386016665343034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296320986753542,0.0,0.0,0.1345257607461553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898686579779513
suicidewatch,starvetodead,2018/02/12,"Why do I want to kill myself? I really don't understand. I'm about to turn 21, 6'4 white male and have a great job as a bartender that I can easily save money with. I've saved a decent amount since high school and a few months ago got a 30,000 CAD insurance settlement for a car accident that wasn't my fault where I ALMOST died(so close...). I used half to buy my dream car, put 10k more into my TFSA and lost 5k relapsing my sweet sweet gambling addiction. I am registered for school in September, I calculated I will have enough money if I keep working through school to graduate completely debt free in 2023 and make $70k-$80k starting salary. I have a trip planned to Amsterdam in a month to see one of my favorite artists with my brothers. I'm a pretty attractive dude(I don't think so, but a lot of other people tell me I am so it must just be another mental illness. I'm 140lbs and look like a disgusting stickman with gorilla hands to myself) I have an ex girlfriend that I am on great terms with who literally begs me to come over and have any kind of sex with her at almost any time of day. I have multiple girls interested in me at the moment. The most attractive girl I have ever seen in my life has a crush on me(it doesn't matter cause she's moving far away soon, but still). I am on track to have an amazing life.

And yet I want to die. My days are like a sandwich of depression and sleeping 12 hours in a the morning, and crippling anxiety at night, with 5 minutes of pure bliss while driving to work and listening to music in my car, feeling mass euphoria and on top of the world. I wake up and will just sometimes start crying. I will get home from work and often start crying. I will be feeling pretty decent and then have 1 small thing go wrong at work, like I fuck up 1 drink in front of my boss and she says don't do that and forgets about it 5 min later, but I'll literally be thinking about that all day. I will tell myself I am going to be fired. I won't be able to sleep all night, even though I know I am a very valued employee. I worked at my old job for a year and a half and still had trouble sleeping thinking tomorrow is the day I get fired. Or I'll say 1 cringey/awkward thing to someone at work and it will RUIN my night, I will literally be mad at myself for letting something so small ruin my mood but I can never beat it. I never feel relaxed, I never feel content, I always just feel like things will fix themselves.

And then I think about suicide, and it makes me feel really good. Researching methods, thinking of what I'd write on my note, the last things I'd say to people, how I'd prepare myself and the location, and just building my notepads in general with huge amounts of information and methods just makes me feel so good. Like I finally have a way to beat my feelings that I can never shake. I don't have to feel anxious about anything or worry about how I treat people or myself because I am suicidal. It makes me feel like I have the upperhand on literally everything in life. I've felt that way for about 5 years now so I feel like I won't actually do it, and I am actually quite afraid of what lies after death, but I still do stupid things like drive 3x the speed limit over bridges sometimes. I really just want to know why my incredibly evolved brain makes me want to do the exact opposite of everything that is evolution when I have such a good life?",5.32024744238734,5.3435234368650235,6.035020000707991,81.72579914333252,67.89695210449928,9.450543382066623,30.59297674253956,9.245585301136952,2.404267627172643,2684,95,556,47,41,880,312,689,0.151,0.691,0.158,-0.8691,6,0,4,0,0,3,64.0,0,0,0,13,33,40,5,2,31,0,58,16,6,10,10,108,108,47,5,6,15,2,15,8,1,11,6,4,1,3,24,35,2,2,21,4,6,13,12,14,0,3,6,25,79,26,84,84,10,96,0,4,4,2,18,39,1,9,50,353,103,14,0.0585073339356774,0.0,0.11418943627367265,0.06378162999673223,0.0,0.0,0.0518632214034517,0.0,0.11717328713940782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868278875928435,0.0,0.0,0.07957398675645963,0.061350040979979065,0.044757950319178015,0.06609663389681454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814655068113274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496956617622921,0.0,0.0,0.03566552772174871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531353420928278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010314853880864,0.0,0.05039888759219393,0.06134382648294742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853511807118154,0.1509295607901588,0.0,0.05039228098716271,0.0,0.06072137550847485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731491328230355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045371595175272,0.0,0.03864354226870682,0.052923233152902316,0.0,0.0,0.10516523833343308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32541372585223177,0.12539295316189805,0.05617621575343173,0.06409192451064509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054089087448914885,0.06113533436047189,0.0,0.06650213235537022,0.14721952753076753,0.046793659695032484,0.12900908442623535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181621057857925,0.05868762633390651,0.0,0.057617938521704326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611900220286693,0.05200400665164087,0.0647296964171278,0.06092638494289152,0.06430820126415886,0.04769128602741488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982771294238225,0.1653018409047812,0.22866982433106134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049131425057381814,0.0,0.06386766637430805,0.049740843070051985,0.0,0.0,0.1952704985947914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896163153535964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339999150986507,0.06218403675542465,0.0,0.0,0.1804978511756853,0.0,0.0,0.16471550850941233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061393604972578585,0.0,0.03964608365651856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216848557719156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904598475762937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881603043942212,0.0,0.062229751450678814,0.0,0.0,0.11244388885530733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395821407742523,0.0,0.1776376365011665,0.04662277017667448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839787122969883,0.0,0.17564876169759566,0.0,0.04957307418022455,0.04504180407340034,0.11573049858207987,0.0,0.12423537628580278,0.0,0.14017209737410868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799505440214573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227597734982584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943483646068267,0.1874456858169032,0.05748315853384334,0.0,0.03411609692140953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363917851814363,0.0,0.06090819799899341,0.0,0.05053155139637632,0.0,0.04827467788062957,0.13803656571205847,0.09288079677181893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558753728659613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555642155449433,0.05941703762525378,0.0,0.0,0.06396858502351106,0.0,0.07535360963256682
suicidewatch,Prumayes,2018/02/12,"Unable to live & teenage burnout I'm 16, f, and a real living failure when it comes to adult things. You could say I'm actually one of the lazy Millenials.
My mother is still figuratively wiping my ass and cleaning after me. My room hasn't been cleaned my me in any way for 2 months. I'm hiding rotting trash in there up to some days sometimes, which she has to get out when she secretly sneaks into my room during my absence because I always panic when I know she's in it, fearing she'll find hidden trash or bad grades. Yet I can stare at my mess for minutes, feeling like a gross hoarding pig, but don't have the motivation and energy to actually take it out. 80% of schoolmates my age are working on getting their driving license which they in many cases paid for on their own. I'm media addicted and waste hours and hours staring at a video game console or phone screen. Same people also still get enough money in their after school jobs to get wasted almost every weekend. I currently own 53€. These people miraculously also still have good grades. I used to be an all-A's genius till 5th grade, dropping down to the absolute averageness from then on. I would like to blame my family for always having called me some Einstein Jr. and treating me as if I'd get like 7 degrees and therefore make 8 digits a year as soon as I'd graduate with a perfect score, building up a massive crushing weight of high expectations and me feeling the symptoms of burnout, but I know it's my fault for having dumped my work morals as soon as I started figuring out I wouldn't have to learn that much to understand shit (my brain turned that into ""not having to learn at all""). It's my fault I'm a lazy fat disgusting ugly shit with a D as my PE grade who trashtalks everyone, because my mother has a heart of gold, so I can't have got these traits from her. I still have got exactly one year of school left, but to get the job I want I'd have to introduce myself in summer already. I can't even take care of my 8m² room, how am I supposed to hold a job and a stable household in a year? It's way too late to change myself, I'm only falling deeper into this adult baby pattern. It's hopeless. My mother isn't helping too, although I regularly tell her she's working too hard giving me a good time she refuses to stop because she doesn't see a problem. When I tell her about my school struggles she says ""it's all ok, I'm doing my best"". I'm NOT doing my best, I'm at my WORST. EVERYONE of my teachers keeps saying I've got so much unused potential and I'm letting everything go to waste. STOP BELITTLING ME AND KICK MY ASS FOR ONCE OR I'LL NEVER LEARN SHIT.
Actually, I WILL never learn living on my own. It's too late. I'm a failed attempt, rotten because I was loved too much.",5.198235294117649,5.348975534759358,6.073520499108735,80.90675133689841,68.16221033868092,8.525133689839572,30.403743315508024,8.219915518859313,2.077008556149732,2189,78,436,27,34,724,276,561,0.199,0.72,0.08199999999999999,-0.9972,5,0,0,0,0,1,56.0,0,1,4,11,24,30,5,3,21,1,32,12,8,5,6,69,72,36,0,7,9,3,4,3,0,4,3,3,5,2,18,20,2,5,14,3,2,4,11,18,0,2,6,12,67,12,70,59,15,70,1,2,4,3,35,29,5,7,37,271,85,22,0.0,0.0,0.21498133539618094,0.08005328944544406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353298333019806,0.0,0.08103562774889014,0.11744939184658075,0.12220501043194006,0.07956510221838937,0.0,0.04993725775328384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613138555906539,0.1790573752398575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412773086927098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197600561522972,0.07498375321143022,0.0,0.07487028678192206,0.0,0.07768284323631168,0.06325640684242481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058630626991886814,0.0,0.0,0.04735849419506587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587637414387602,0.0,0.04850209495418247,0.0,0.06187084087039901,0.1403375988434402,0.06599724140271074,0.0,0.06922651239618828,0.08263303639551654,0.07426030799863892,0.05246086464291117,0.0,0.0,0.06711683435658777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019565118453075,0.07044404755861745,0.041733916571718516,0.12318497191167074,0.1761942921795805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578193898690599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701898068848035,0.0492208873289175,0.07758646177780439,0.0,0.0,0.1446342939170452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861407651243436,0.06527101607500302,0.0,0.0,0.08071419701533711,0.0,0.16567223908227627,0.0,0.0797856480837276,0.0750906682892997,0.0,0.10762760944384286,0.0,0.19452922025907185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627654718148347,0.0,0.0490173918257213,0.07444998294205701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861387169726079,0.0,0.16194608462011675,0.0,0.11327279284950947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820421763907498,0.09952079965645833,0.05584944061980194,0.0,0.08615832043459946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181900316998646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026588525889035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358333203779372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519165812144386,0.0,0.22295568695815754,0.05851694470481485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261351145510449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262755044933357,0.0,0.051976567222048985,0.0,0.2345761621089416,0.12278728895986432,0.0,0.07676857623260848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632546195373853,0.1104256168652522,0.0,0.12836812760226993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048785914959890805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281962975449742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987449643799084,0.0,0.07644680144210249,0.0,0.06342291519154808,0.0,0.0,0.043312945865324484,0.1165760942183326,0.0,0.08942214757622534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038125805161596,0.0,0.0,0.052165009299445286,0.0,0.0,0.14186618442451054
suicidewatch,throwaway10473016401,2018/02/12,"I feel like a failure. My own mom is afraid of me. She says she doesn’t know what to do with me or how to act with me. When your own mom is at a loss for what to do with you, shouldn’t you just die?

I have no friends. I have coworkers who would hate to have to do my job if I died. I don’t have a relationship. I don’t have kids. I don’t have siblings. I don’t have any family who’d miss me. I have a dog but as my mom reminds me, she takes better care of him than I do.

I’m sorry that I can’t just let go of my anger. I’m sorry that I’m not happy with my life but I can’t bring myself to care enough to fix it. I hate my job. I hate my life. And it’s been like that for years. Not just after my last breakup.

And yes, I do need to quit being so stupid and give up the idea that he and I will ever fix things. But that idea is what gets me through things and I’m scared to death of what will happen if I give it up.

I’m sick of being told it’s because I’m spoiled, because I’m a brat. I’m sorry that my dad passing suddenly made you have to deal with this. I’m sorry that I can’t fake it and pretend everything is ok. I had to step into what my dad used to do because heaven forbid my mom’s daily life change. But I can’t say anything about it because if I do, she just starts crying and blaming me.

I wish I had been the one who died instead of my dad. Then everyone would have been happier it seems.",-0.24366606170598715,1.0391009566563485,2.1612234440055538,99.40554179566564,82.77708978328174,5.322045478808583,17.949076545318672,5.935793293072707,-0.6155243087434612,1071,22,287,7,29,367,136,323,0.227,0.665,0.108,-0.9906,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,4,0,3,10,20,5,2,7,2,44,4,0,3,1,42,75,20,4,8,14,7,1,2,1,5,4,2,0,1,25,13,0,1,5,1,0,5,13,11,0,1,7,3,52,9,34,59,3,17,1,2,0,0,29,4,0,5,10,193,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176606984527365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747436023604396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147131907036155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032987468079643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852101445199508,0.0,0.0960838487531476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977015610205828,0.0,0.09363955122708474,0.0,0.0,0.2827949841625665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938494750378754,0.0,0.0,0.08215901323040116,0.0,0.08678992722134317,0.0816302377318097,0.0,0.08562443738766352,0.0,0.045925302839379914,0.06488745228435011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017339117202905,0.0,0.047453816077859534,0.17426074868531288,0.05161957467951028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031879019106339,0.09668796222675644,0.0,0.2690211682071645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506723128221926,0.0,0.0,0.1802653025888147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991662492747365,0.07403684102936077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287765630222586,0.19246324333589207,0.08874782398653815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594353176383368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255060393508278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734771868170862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154731896781083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660662563811097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751514672147454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445994405352022,0.09093454825675552,0.0,0.0,0.08268628644442486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066974809790983,0.06428843764741017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829125857995355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206840089524156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678992722134317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844612190893524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044475741376997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129043033311416,0.0,0.0,0.058490173803950864
suicidewatch,to-whatever-end,2018/02/12,"After months of struggling I finally got the courage to tell someone about my suicidal thoughts and was dismissed... I've been struggling for several months now with suicidal thoughts/ideations. I've constantly been reluctant to share my increasingly difficult internal conflict with anyone for months now. A lot of the reluctance stems from how terrible the mental health care system is in my city, as well as the stigma that surrounds my main mental illness (a stigma held by not just people in general, but also psych professionals). I was forced into inpatient several times in the later years of high school and if anything, my experience there just made my mental health worse. The adult psych wards in my city are much worse. I've had literally dozens of referrals fall through and so I haven't been able to get the treatment I need in well over a year now. I keep telling everyone that I'll tough it out, make it through, etc. But in reality I'm falling apart from the inside out.
So, I finally went to the clinic on my university campus and told them the truth about what I was experiencing mentally and physically. I even made sure to mention that I'd been reluctant to be forthcoming about it all given the past negative experiences I've had with the local mental health system. After just a lot of waiting and explaining my situation to professional after professional, I was finally just told to go home because, in summation, there apparently isn't any reason to provide me with some degree of professional care unless I've literally planned my suicide step by step. It is beyond frustrating to be continuously dismissed. I'm made to feel like a burden, a waste of time and resources, a cry baby...
If anything, I feel like my experience today has just made things worse. I feel even more worthless than I did before and I didn't even think that was possible at this point. 

I guess my post here was just a way to vent. I don't know. ",7.309324530218383,8.101225346368723,7.533458608430678,70.03494159471815,63.6927374301676,11.201828339258508,35.54647028948705,11.022393298168332,4.167783240223463,1566,69,268,42,22,509,186,358,0.189,0.742,0.069,-0.9931,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,1,1,25,18,1,2,20,0,23,5,0,7,3,54,51,19,3,3,12,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,11,15,0,4,8,0,0,7,6,8,2,1,25,4,29,10,55,24,9,51,0,1,0,0,9,19,0,6,23,182,40,8,0.07778495442954142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220459995437427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052896436371831765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054389048727409836,0.0,0.12802077957573085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474169862464038,0.0,0.0661892670869369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586138902727515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405790212701478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544311994077898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867507857130442,0.15412868638000513,0.0,0.0,0.0743268573584172,0.0,0.2282658335838706,0.0,0.0,0.1179912304078508,0.11113917397326636,0.0,0.2556288464370829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063942823383604,0.0,0.04420698215728665,0.0,0.0622117338481222,0.0,0.08568889685744392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804530751044898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218407504515618,0.07802465149035198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913884149974504,0.0,0.0,0.042748576702176966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760035993289228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225997327940522,0.0,0.294408018570992,0.0519220610917889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919446942422246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862616255417218,0.0,0.057180891557279324,0.05767655809992619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425454055405069,0.05392629336229775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353192425510023,0.08769084871514173,0.0744964845961252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997588821943467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872252662321841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574971579672868,0.0,0.0,0.08743354784063796,0.0,0.0,0.06590693946643253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263544658806398,0.0,0.25525234541083114,0.0,0.07331139900271952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359749573641362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516768673856097,0.049841457979649575,0.0,0.06175256515333196,0.09071406491579813,0.0,0.07373104164321181,0.1486537147168344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061742076234564486,0.0,0.0,0.13987603125928438,0.07210743205029603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378085417548168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001819207454338
suicidewatch,Nardo_the_dwarf,2018/02/12,"I don't remember a time I didn't want to die The title says it all really.  I have prayed to die for as long as I can remember.  I was 16 and got pregnant to persuade my mother to let me marry the love of my life.  She signed the consent form and he was killed in an accident three days later.  I kept the baby and during the birth had a near-death experience due to pre-eclampsia (really high blood pressure).  I chose to come back because his baby needed me.  I don't think a day goes by without me regretting that decision.  
My 'baby' is all grown up now and we are estranged...so what was the point of that?  
Oh I have had a 'life' for the 40 years since that accident.  I married and my husband died of cancer 5 years ago.  I have a step-daughter who tries and she's lovely but hopelessly inadequate.  I built a career but I have just wrecked that by changing jobs and my new firm is awful to the point where it's broken me inside.  I  can imagine some of you are thinking ""It's only a job, get another"" but I have spent 20 years getting to this point and it's destroyed my self confidence - I can't walk down the street without shaking visibly so how am I going to get through an interview?
That is, in a sense, beside the point anyway.  For four decades I have had the facade of a 'life' and even seemed to be doing well for myself but all I've wanted is to not be here.  You wouldn't put a dog through this much misery!

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suicidewatch,Amagicbean-buyer,2018/02/12,"I'm my own worst enemy and want this all to end I've been depressed for months. I'm not alone, but I've managed to alienate myself from everyone around me. My bf has been so patient supporting me in getting clean & healthy, but I got fucked up last weekend and treated him like shit. He wants nothing to do with me now, no matter how much I apologize. I have unchecked OCD and no coping skills to handle being in ""crisis mode"" besides doing more drugs. I hate this cycle, I hate myself, I've never been this close to actually going through with it. It was always just a thought before this, but now the prospect of a way out is so terrifyingly tempting.

My birthday is the day after Valentine's day and I hate knowing I could've had a nice time this week. I'm slowly ruining my life and I'm really at a breaking point.
",3.942454545454545,5.1391722909090936,5.0052272727272715,83.66784090909091,71.54545454545455,7.4393939393939394,28.90151515151515,7.793537801064563,1.790606060606061,648,25,128,8,12,213,110,165,0.244,0.623,0.134,-0.9812,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,12,5,0,6,0,12,4,1,1,2,23,28,11,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,7,10,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,7,0,17,4,18,20,5,23,0,2,0,1,4,8,2,0,13,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.16727398172577884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753176961082115,0.0,0.0,0.14262902389260687,0.18572549235441704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259356533394508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585950678743775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685902187654828,0.0,0.0,0.2210939069090901,0.0,0.14763743064226725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878420880566225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182069534779022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379209549366056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846819672197418,0.0895560144294252,0.0,0.0974177370109522,0.0,0.13709432382080766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077033969671081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420388815387082,0.13972415606482808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210737963907397,0.08374354332724297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368199106926599,0.0,0.12600799203979676,0.0,0.13220397282084267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447502323509974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204032280479658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981130784859214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595258188000054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451699958050472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608246612390387,0.09995207191162037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220719817785565,0.1360593519758631,0.13749685705887602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kateistooinnocent,2018/02/12,"I'm spiralling so bad right now I just hate myself. I just want to hang myself. Thats what my cousin did when she was my age. She had pain and left the rest of us to deal with it. Now I'm sick of my pain. I live my family so much but I can't function in life. I,down play all my issues and now I'm done. I need some peace and I can't have it until my brain shuts up. I saying this so maybe I'll feel better. I don't. Bye, I hope you all find some peace in your lives.",-2.343792207792209,-0.6440282363636349,0.3470129870129881,106.56909090909092,95.0,3.5064935064935066,9.675324675324674,4.65589566412798,-2.152012987012987,354,2,101,1,14,120,70,110,0.129,0.715,0.155,0.7136,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,2,0,1,9,7,1,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,2,16,16,9,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,2,22,3,9,12,6,13,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,3,7,64,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688618770984866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886476534726076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22576662406684156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850046665713606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696164390046268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906537880482576,0.0,0.10225857501345392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484361365278704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967004104855807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086986309354585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110859222307691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197342537204783,0.0,0.1428480292213405,0.0,0.0,0.3571630910828899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317717226407211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486696037095608,0.14995833052826704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43039504595662414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271177793086226,0.0,0.1608292935715752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432697103203902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928633864282198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2chicken2burp,2018/02/12,"My life is good but I still want to die. I'm having a terrible anxiety attack right now, so please excuse any grammatical errors. Feel extremely suicidal. I've tried reaching out to someone but it's pretty late where I live. 

The last time I posted on this subreddit, I didn't even actively use Reddit and made an account just to post in here. It was over a year ago and my life was in shambles. I was prepared to off myself but strangely enough, a single match of Overwatch changed my world. Met the most incredible people. They're the reason I made it this far. 

I'm still dealing with depression and anxiety, but my life is good. I have great friends, I'm going to therapy, I'm on medication, my mother is incredibly supportive, I have someone I deeply am in love with. They all know and are always there for me. I have an internship that I thoroughly enjoy. I turn 18 in two days. Everything is good, but despite all of that... college is what fucking scares me. I'm a week away from my finals and feel incredibly under prepared. I've still got more assignments to do. I know that if I fail, I can try again. But the idea of failing at something again is terrifying. I already took a break year and spent it doing nothing. If there was someone in my place, I would remind them how, in the grand scheme of things, this does not matter. That there's more to life than grades and marks. I know the drill, yet I can't seem to convince my own self. 

I feel like a burden on my parents and the ones who have to put up with my shit. I don't deserve the love they give me. It just seems so much EASIER to just stop existing. But it also makes me feel guilty. Guilty that I'll have lied to everyone that I've tried helping through their depression by doing it. Guilty that I'll have done something horrible to the people I love.

I just wish the pain stopped. I don't know how much longer I can keep feeling this way. I'm so tired.",2.6680504201680715,4.601710122077929,3.8137089381207048,87.88863063407183,76.35064935064935,7.1268143621084805,24.83002291825821,8.027739517013583,1.3766058059587474,1507,52,312,25,34,489,200,385,0.224,0.598,0.17800000000000002,-0.9736,1,0,2,0,0,1,49.0,0,0,4,2,23,24,3,1,18,0,30,12,1,7,2,55,66,23,2,5,14,2,5,1,1,1,7,0,0,1,21,12,0,3,13,0,2,3,5,11,0,2,12,5,44,13,40,53,10,46,0,4,0,4,17,21,2,5,19,206,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763918339730072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665268041573592,0.07004202256781789,0.07287807934974466,0.0,0.0,0.0595610837917212,0.0,0.13400520134627286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964105072514456,0.08228937798573155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092653752795884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648534516929037,0.09029671421262264,0.15087437453741545,0.0,0.09089983000795793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664658452620543,0.08963028578245652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049914395626184,0.0,0.0578493387825268,0.0,0.0,0.08369161483735492,0.07871612102991006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142908051529425,0.06257103604326576,0.0,0.09594553802700642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766827227337785,0.08097130233332271,0.0,0.08401990834170102,0.04977680821332984,0.22038746511153884,0.07005005529123794,0.0965632262578634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870665563945069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887326954696272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784993875356302,0.0,0.0,0.19253860816159268,0.07139380088891199,0.09880016001972633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745666764663396,0.04278980833681457,0.0,0.07733952369478983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371477624745653,0.16575086967861685,0.05846394281815424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823308843355139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287707114856629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404056528777812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059350142098738075,0.0,0.09319705391159076,0.0,0.0972532353178205,0.0,0.0,0.12144139370565048,0.0,0.09150811424254214,0.09614248129318943,0.0,0.0,0.16776522826710902,0.08910585182715552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804753060872543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005239116810701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479746354056062,0.0,0.0,0.08768827710506134,0.0,0.0,0.15946893974894866,0.09137068669134864,0.0,0.08990516708365279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263250683404107,0.13485505884010812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209837470190165,0.14645065298596294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958042253620434,0.09939088793719973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016155210262193,0.0,0.058187856112118234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051071758251891336,0.10066654709737573,0.0,0.0,0.09731061574395283,0.17839423707061575,0.09526777779166026,0.08555822115313004,0.0,0.0,0.07564567491274816,0.0,0.0,0.05166014543081777,0.06952122351365099,0.07025573467166296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007189016662613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221816394545336,0.0,0.0,0.11280426783366172
suicidewatch,19hhtt19,2018/02/12,"I'm on the verge of suicide right now I've had terrible anxiety the past few months. It was gone for a long time and then it came back. I don't know why, but I've had a few panic attacks that were so bad I almost put a gun to my head to end it all. On top of all this, my workload at my current job has just increased at least threefold, if not more, which sucks because this anxiety has drained all my energy. I can't take this much longer. I don't even know when my next day off will be. Ugh.",1.0889500509683998,2.3087162844036726,2.7737003058103973,96.74772680937821,78.81651376146789,6.312334352701327,22.202854230377174,6.937597516519254,0.2889686034658512,381,11,96,4,9,126,77,109,0.259,0.657,0.084,-0.9716,2,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,1,5,0,11,1,1,0,3,12,18,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,6,0,9,0,10,10,9,24,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,2,12,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099040322171567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32237716345656203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970710818604304,0.0,0.1620189715517762,0.17592969206836706,0.12844367959352396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409901385464481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588715340598315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662189661708856,0.0,0.0,0.13916852149909004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624389496175084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090919841425728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315956758820805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864671018347331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818254698381285,0.0,0.15489225898687828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240869263601394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721666313702334,0.0,0.0,0.20114155643985407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181650325385065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994073280516146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047683305635944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842377374914735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228636529968687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190128292985256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsidiousZombie,2018/02/12,"I just lost the girl I've loved for a few years now, and I can't handle this. This is worse than any pain I've ever felt. It took me so long to get her, and there she goes. Gone. I don't know what to do anymore. She was my everything, my other half. I can't take this. I can't fucking do this.

I don't know what to do. I just want to sleep.",-2.416875000000001,-0.7571889374999969,0.3625000000000007,106.7125,94.625,3.7,11.75,4.935628992294339,-1.8339,255,3,74,1,10,87,49,80,0.118,0.812,0.07,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,2,0,10,4,1,0,1,9,21,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,5,1,13,1,6,16,1,6,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,4,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644788186813204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573236203676951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347046509061547,0.0,0.0,0.23319409151741666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491310209553016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987499688185335,0.13556189271024072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28519485732287336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296219836601929,0.0,0.0,0.2832411673955084,0.0,0.23418098818085503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27609341053219755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596564800266221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508846777408745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882797111507698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304159457780814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644211744109823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708958986154038
suicidewatch,bobbymcbobinstien,2018/02/12,"I apologize for the length I know this is gonna make me sound pathetic, but I just pussied out of killing myself. Unfortunately I don't have anyway of hanging myself properly, so I needed to settle for using a belt and a door. The only problem is I needed to kneel down for it to work. Just as I felt like I was about to fall unconscious, vision blurred and seeing lights, I realised I'm to much of a coward to go through with it and stood myself up. So now I'm just led here in bed like I have been all day (time is about 18:50 when I'm writing this), unable to find any motivation to get up at all, except to maybe try it again, and hope it succeeds before my cowardice takes over. I honestly don't know why I feel this way, my life is pretty decent all things considered. Sure, I may have a shitty minimum wage job and be single, but I have friends and a family who genuinely care about me, yet for some reason whenever I'm alone, I just sort of go in to this depressed, sometimes suicidal state, though today was the first time I ever actually attempted it. I apologize for the massive, poorly structured, ramble, but I just needed to put it out there, and I'm way to scared to actually talk to someone, even if it's just calling an anonymous help line like Samaritans. Thank you to those of you who have taken your time to read this, it genuinely means a lot to me, even if this ultimately make no difference.",7.180790273556234,5.8744183049645375,7.706139817629179,75.69000000000003,64.53191489361703,11.035866261398175,33.618034447821685,10.125756701596842,3.1073183383991894,1110,38,222,21,14,369,159,282,0.14,0.695,0.165,0.6234,2,1,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,3,0,5,22,14,1,1,11,0,16,1,0,6,5,50,43,17,2,7,12,0,2,3,1,2,1,1,2,0,18,10,0,0,8,1,2,6,3,4,0,1,6,5,29,10,43,34,7,29,0,1,1,0,12,9,0,8,14,157,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.25206920224947765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376345525480252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782840171589437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098996064333702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187955237261514,0.0,0.13167999045030562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329293677626051,0.0,0.11123920462767237,0.0,0.0,0.13493729304964502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060854645821094,0.11682619335595165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175386101818825,0.0,0.06530358750047313,0.0,0.12400703911371225,0.0,0.1180434119729351,0.10985739185572656,0.0,0.0,0.09978321115561754,0.0,0.0674770603322972,0.0,0.14680114026074967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656846730540914,0.0,0.0,0.12827797257111773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816432590634685,0.0,0.14288854967819956,0.0,0.14195811381278142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122451368306886,0.1892927514093144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980117812154608,0.0,0.0,0.17242112899368187,0.0,0.12975144867117375,0.14068537197041886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494224296818747,0.2872957194383691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822660128031144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139493191358229,0.0,0.12358188404998947,0.0,0.12983433806270855,0.0,0.0,0.1291878518948903,0.0,0.0,0.13279069290691295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930458509266546,0.0,0.1029181408421108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943083414226827,0.0,0.12773552180257616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127231164230744,0.0,0.12172508099985825,0.0,0.0971069084898744,0.10380820982840162,0.0,0.1189066392642357,0.0,0.0,0.08580344876652714,0.0,0.1268920697679885,0.0,0.2259302860792285,0.0,0.12242184896636538,0.0,0.0,0.08768634215381392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154663920387344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050311229355476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654040496150372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402485033953467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yarelee,2018/02/12,"My husband tried to kill himself and I don't know how to help him. He just lost his mother 3 weeks ago, we are in some debts because of the funeral expenses, he lost so much weight and lost his self esteem because of that and he is experiencing some sort of bullying at his job. He has had suicidal thoughts in the past, he always said that there is no meaning in life and he is tired of it.
I need help, I don't know what can I do to help him, I'm afraid he will try it again.
Any words of advice would be helpful, thank you. ",2.685803571428572,3.452777401785717,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,74.08928571428571,7.385714285714287,24.714285714285715,7.6454224807358475,0.8872285714285709,407,12,97,5,8,134,73,112,0.212,0.685,0.102,-0.9381,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,0,3,5,6,1,1,2,0,13,3,0,1,0,17,24,6,3,2,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,5,1,0,4,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,6,3,13,1,12,15,3,8,0,3,0,0,23,4,0,3,4,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477424274592272,0.14040079061452673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317909270994226,0.0,0.0,0.10770879971035943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931028638141854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246546913784364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717496207791914,0.0,0.17523208754244854,0.0,0.17409104286539942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187363860666097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186953650970597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253020954151102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643289450936417,0.11744218080588885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119860589285386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066259875125004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523250360337474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325000594365905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582175176285578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574182927837235,0.0,0.18204290903705486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506916851180724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270487434499322,0.19287306945332805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251379814009736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spacee_Cowboyy,2018/02/12,"My life I am desperately craving love but can't let anyone close to me.

I want to get help but can't open up.

I want to develop new healthy habits but have no discipline, a non-existant attention span and everything is a chore.

I want to do something meaningfull but I can't see a purpose in anything. 

I want to train my mind but thinking about any topic just makes me more depressed.

I have so many issues and things to work on that I don't even know where to begin but my constant state of exhaustion and physical pain keeps me from doing anything.

I don't know what part of me is my personality and what part is my depression.

I can't take it anymore.

Thanks for reading, have a lovely day.",4.039928571428572,5.1432345642857165,5.125714285714288,83.24928571428572,71.21428571428571,8.742857142857144,29.714285714285715,9.120678840339163,2.3849428571428577,549,22,113,11,10,181,85,140,0.147,0.69,0.163,-0.1753,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,16,5,0,1,0,25,32,11,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,6,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,1,19,3,15,31,3,12,0,2,1,2,4,7,0,0,4,77,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079938571576325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749336295259153,0.11104118844450638,0.0,0.2613684159274011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716133958715815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241704665823764,0.0,0.2735595898408675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489018720663464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272503099899286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296983518515175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644464102599813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575271365424427,0.0,0.1411545027434728,0.0,0.0,0.1745517846841344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239039286398402,0.11216971853628714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866581102462538,0.0,0.10600456351086973,0.16100485258832553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034928166169632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533762951439593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898129931341965,0.0,0.0,0.3439439006109043,0.0,0.0,0.13866369937048395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884946271899827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265482097349907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122256992605187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194027148347498,0.0,0.0,0.1462076772993596,0.0,0.0,0.1055039737566766,0.10175678481903801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746727232773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561301422382468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pancakes789,2018/02/12,"Trying my best please help I've been through a lot recently and I'm trying my best to survive and live through that phase.  
In short (i helped her get a good job,
supported her career and when she said I don'treach her expectations I underwent 2 surgeries for her but, she cheated on me, dumped me ruthlessly, insisted I kill myself just to get rid off me as an evidence for her wedding).. basically she's wiping off the slate
But the thing is, I'm working as a doctor in a very remote area which has terrible reception.  So yeah, I'm alone in a room most of the time after my clinic hours and I'm turning suicidal and I can't get her off my mind. The way she dumped me after such a long time is killing me. It's been 7 months and I need help.
I'm not asking much, just talk to me. Idc what you talk about please I don't want to be alone and these thoughts are horrible. I want to live. I want to live for the ones around me, my parents, siblings and the lives which rely on me due to my profession. 
I never hurt a soul in my life but this is the second time I was cheated on. Sorry for the lengthy message but please help me. 

And no I don't want to talk about any of the past. Just help me move on. 

-J",1.2101218708827408,3.075900596837947,2.7931867588932806,93.81267868906455,80.58102766798419,6.272002635046112,22.00411725955204,7.333567415737692,0.5896615283267455,933,29,215,13,24,306,130,253,0.206,0.669,0.125,-0.9807,2,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,0,4,9,12,6,0,17,1,12,3,0,0,1,29,30,17,3,6,8,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,5,1,41,4,34,24,5,30,1,1,0,0,24,15,0,2,13,141,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518987133908807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064628537428012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092480883177607,0.09711972044163426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804464540035215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063320887313422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628290018030795,0.0,0.0,0.08713494764259755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481641773156167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230713562058943,0.0,0.11121249411098907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309117968548268,0.0,0.22986972460085814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337800644068543,0.0,0.0,0.3669342271043405,0.09193615709135973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883204659592833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048956061945085,0.0,0.08292109925767452,0.11041475701836276,0.07636842592788508,0.07703041759356488,0.08012356313520176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039608430184949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535350565245682,0.0,0.09917128302259323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421080714606203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257524488338857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881971552216408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629227168825923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136348134405426,0.1178890071471548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504997565407102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901747964474811,0.0,0.0,0.08247416347198898,0.18173091110864908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410640346448214,0.11299852501640728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571712462627253,0.2450994605366565,0.0824601549073419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563050538990564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyNonPornThrowaway7,2018/02/12,"I've given my all. Another crisis. I can't give anymore. I made it to 33. A lot farther than I actually expected. It's amazing how one mistake can throw everything into a spiral and leave you in a place where you can't take care of yourself or any issues in life that may actually occur.

I've tried. I've fought. I really did.  I've had friends. I've had family. I've had support. I had a little bit of romance occasionally. I've done everything we'd all hope to do.  But in between, just one crisis after another after another after another after another. Today is the last crisis. The last large sum of money that I need to find a way to scrap to afford.  The last declined transaction. The last embarrassing text to my siblings.

I made it through my 20s with a little extra on top. In this day and age, I'm proud of that.  But I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted. I have nothing left. There's nothing left for me.  I don't even have anything to look forward to. I know my family would miss me, but that is only going to be so much for so long.

And I've run out. I've simply run out.  I tried. I tried my best. I really did.  I made it to 33.  I'm proud of that.

But I'm done. ",-0.7944009216589833,1.3617407580645209,2.5895576036866395,89.11719354838709,95.04838709677419,5.7375115207373275,19.182488479262677,7.2259226712905225,0.7119491705069128,900,30,195,18,35,324,122,248,0.091,0.807,0.102,0.7509999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,2,0,4,9,14,1,1,10,0,21,3,0,4,2,28,41,13,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,0,1,6,3,5,0,2,13,1,24,9,33,24,7,35,0,1,1,0,7,17,0,4,13,122,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.19122370860670385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666280233651492,0.5136894769866587,0.0,0.0,0.09716729953764376,0.0,0.0,0.0806270901959915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282128530475744,0.0,0.10696599557015088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989453649431293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318734747823901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005298894903113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471317932257596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761116224659349,0.0,0.18472883345772875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954961102988301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569713207160575,0.0,0.0,0.0939888944214723,0.0556828406997738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731371158671168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022629987377143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384584222872644,0.3194587828782539,0.0,0.10374396894750336,0.2129055644580964,0.0,0.06920436795390214,0.0,0.19639828185187974,0.0,0.08670695692395508,0.0822763787544068,0.0,0.0,0.08329692125183384,0.0,0.2781258864351554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202469655871331,0.0726490350633462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188024004640182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327841067603035,0.07451626304614166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236557808742064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255337220834752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118364512841747,0.0,0.0,0.07366684627496606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261066161165326,0.0928711630176418,0.0,0.0,0.19956076416126392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776993650483471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960036683668536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ritchey95,2018/02/12,"Dad.... I miss you, and still wonder why? I'm gonna start this off with i don't know why I'm here. I'm not suicidal, i'm just sorta lost today. I woke up today in a worse mood than usual. I lost my father to suicide November 14th, 2016, also known as my 21st birthday. Most days I wake up and am just in a daze wishing it was all a dream. Today I woke up and I'm having an even worse day. Today I woke and thought ""why dad, why on my birthday"" something I've done before and will continue to do because I truly don't know why he choose my day. But these days and thoughts make me feel selfish and like I'm more worried about myself than the fact my fathers gone... i don't know what to do, I'm just very lost today. Thanks for reading my rambles

Also for those of you planning on taking your own life, I'm here to tell you that people do care. Someone will miss you, I promise. I hope you can work through your problems. Good luck to all of you",1.1324477447744776,2.724347668316831,2.8064686468646878,94.92959295929596,79.74257425742574,5.082948294829484,21.618261826182614,5.46131890053228,-0.06631771177117729,727,21,167,3,18,240,113,202,0.141,0.716,0.14300000000000002,0.3484,0,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,8,0,5,10,16,0,0,5,0,13,2,1,1,3,32,45,11,2,3,5,4,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,9,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,11,1,27,7,23,31,5,22,0,5,0,0,14,8,0,5,14,97,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626809606206908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200378169750299,0.0,0.08655094285937266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370398674809554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623879173173264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408852041414812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718099834496566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142954787278727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531270043015904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102474280333518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769771515719864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184345720058849,0.04969221954054935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330978479524977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678947439740301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051553432805953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732635932003172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174131418986247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861817633409199,0.07830424405372809,0.0,0.0,0.07199354336797277,0.0,0.0812287632796893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251675268697094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647611088628453,0.0,0.08890233479750727,0.0936443912271734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149877384155412,0.0,0.0,0.4820638944258006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120233685610528,0.0839245282497974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589043699963839,0.0,0.11696583761458007,0.0,0.11030426534427576,0.07404884979303354,0.10329529002824812,0.20731008127402836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sneepsnoops,2018/02/12,"Well I don’t even know Am I depressed or do I just not give a damn any more? Or is that the same thing?! I am constantly angry at something or the other and probably not very great to be around! 
Do I want to die or not? I feel like I do.. I feel like I won’t be missed? Or that I wouldn’t miss much! I don’t have a social life at all.
I look at things and wonder how I could kill myself with it. Not saying I would because I am a huge pussybitch. 

I even emailed the UK suicide helpline thing last night and didn’t get a reply hahah.. kinda funny really! Even they don’t give a shit! 

Constantly worrying what people think of me or if I have done something wrong or if people even like me is soooooooooo draining. All i wanna do is sleep! 

Ah well I don’t know where I was going with this. Just needed a rant I suppose!

Cheers",-0.036534090909093216,2.051240232954548,1.8545000000000016,97.44050000000004,87.01136363636364,4.656363636363637,17.322727272727274,5.985473137389443,-0.4982990909090912,635,15,148,5,20,209,96,176,0.257,0.657,0.086,-0.9864,0,0,2,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,0,11,14,3,0,9,1,25,3,2,1,2,38,40,13,3,8,15,0,2,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,11,7,3,0,3,4,25,7,10,31,5,11,0,3,1,0,6,6,2,11,7,109,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999436108459698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780885505889635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067200126310631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28602067416627075,0.0,0.1056611046243765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398250397871515,0.0,0.1373459246119647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542769522174464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496319375990624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382811297529504,0.1890845516111206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914112990596454,0.2539012888361439,0.07521072094077297,0.0,0.0,0.1459030846673697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464123618711729,0.0,0.14545898028158916,0.10787311256568552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347422546430267,0.1939609498546051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113056885655924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728363865141752,0.09812693163816907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419022474766835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349297796495292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426827199858555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477909551330738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524046940318632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358430296230085,0.0,0.0,0.13243354793533324,0.13490189983140988,0.0,0.20376047725693264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475626536299274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637584107101361,0.08479683082756649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091926889557111,0.07805636643284221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379754654121041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351488876262827,0.0,0.13439563748363031,0.0,0.09400910050105682,0.14469080093462264,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AUseableUsername,2018/02/12,"Fuck you, brain. You want me to fucking quit? Fuck you. Fuck you with a cactus. If I fucking die, it’ll be on my own fucking terms, not because you whisper shit in my head all day. If or when I fucking kill myself, it’ll be because my life has actual, real problems, and not the stupid shit you pretend is real.",1.4186458333333327,3.2910844062500004,3.135625000000001,91.58020833333336,79.9375,4.891666666666667,24.729166666666664,5.46131890053228,0.4800291666666663,238,9,50,1,6,79,43,64,0.373,0.578,0.049,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,6,0,1,1,12,11,0,2,0,6,12,4,0,1,12,14,5,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,0,0,1,13,0,4,10,3,5,0,0,0,7,6,2,9,3,3,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.124310713571449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530708778934868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422053091490939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215366505481125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220693200389758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8243664727027559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307351583395024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093413565141902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997675471616805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189154449383036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354910762440003,0.0,0.289987136673505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26152053992591523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513577675211999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloodylais,2018/02/12,"I want to die but something’s is holding me I’ve taking depression medication for 2 going on 3 years now and although it help with the chemical side of things, the sadness is still on my thoughts.
I just want to go off my meds so i become sad enough to kill myself with a purpose.
If i do it now, i’d be dying yeah but i feel like i’m not *sad* enough to do it, so by stopping my medication i’ll be getting worse and then i’ll have a big enough of a motivation.
It is too much and it’s not worth the fight.",-0.5952541208791224,1.396935312500002,2.2039285714285732,94.60645604395607,88.73214285714286,5.231868131868132,20.22252747252748,6.67199483983844,0.16111730769230848,393,13,95,5,13,137,70,112,0.24,0.62,0.14,-0.9506,0,0,1,0,1,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,6,1,8,2,0,1,0,18,17,10,3,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,6,0,0,1,1,10,1,13,14,4,13,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,1,7,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412748518849235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139304018301905,0.0,0.3648492770019504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.544861534485492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887611772886601,0.12557227697593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183414552910424,0.0,0.19979171013310154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781694676096148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194466798063959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587381644922805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524419438013305,0.35414564053433445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921339066436585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531865437361515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037255676586993,0.14695411106300835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321594319939891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677578071895882,0.0,0.0,0.13954413980571104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735095663654585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912771890651244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319205866018328
suicidewatch,Unheard21,2018/02/12,Is today the day Everyday everydays the same nothing changes good bad it's all the same. I don't know if I can take it anymore,-0.43611111111111,1.8108934444444456,1.9017592592592607,93.4504166666667,96.03703703703705,5.662962962962964,25.26851851851852,7.1686216300943375,1.424340740740741,101,5,22,2,4,34,22,27,0.092,0.8,0.109,0.1139,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858638166132164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248663946914835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115961224172484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509250661038802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32634269464548404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382874989831493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733337264212759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925405007319893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688033071394798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicehairmulder,2018/02/12,"i am forced to do it and i don't want to I made this account just for this, because I use my reddit account to give people reasons _to live_, I always find out ways and reasons and possibilities and now I can't.
I can't I can't do this anymore.
I have nothing to live for, I want to live, I WANT TO LIVE but I can't. There's no way, no way, I HAVE TO kill myself. I have to, it's the only option, I don't want to do it but there's no choice.
I have no friends. I've been in almost total isolation for about 4 years now, (hold your horses; ""only 4 years???"") before that I was bullied, alone for most of my life, then started having bad relationships to fill my loneliness. I haven't been out dating in almost 5 years, and will not. I would like to, but I will not subject anyone to myself and I don't want anyone to see me. I haven't touched anyone in so long it feels like it would burn if I did, like I would crumble into dust like a vampire under a spotlight.
I don't really know if I care, I think I've been alone for so long that I don't even want friends.

I am ashamed of myself. I am ugly. I'm trying, I go to the gym, I run, it doesn't matter. I hide. It doesn't matter.

Because of my mental problems, my life has wasted away. I am 26 now. I started studying again but it doesn't matter. Maybe 5 years ago I could've saved myself, but I destroyed by brains with alcohol, benzos, loneliness, insomnia, laziness. I'm too old. I feel like a child and a grandma.

I disassociate. Sometimes I'm a mess, sometimes I'm ""fine"". When I'm ""fine"" I turn into a fucking sociopath who hates people, imagines violence, feels like an animal among humans. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt someone. No, I'm not afraid of hurting. I'm afraid I'll do something and get caught and will have to kill myself. Then I go home and do everything, I clean, I do my homework, I go to the gym. My therapist tells me it's ""good"" that I have an able side, but I haven't told about how vile the side is. I can't. It wont let me talk. I don't want to tell. When I'm like that, I don't feel. I simply don't feel anything else but disgust and power.

Sometimes I love people and I volunteer and I talk to people and smile and then I go home and I hate myself, I hate myself and I feel lonely.

I go to therapy, I've been to a hospital. Drugs don't help, because there's nothing wrong with my body or my brains. Benzos did help and they destroyed me. Things have happened to me, but they don't matter. Everyone else gets over them. I didn't, big deal, fuck.

I have money, but I don't have so much money that I can stop worrying. I go to work, I clean fucking toilets and mop up shit and vomit. It doesn't matter to me, but it matters to other people. They don't say hi, they think I have an IQ of a snail and they talk about me as ""just the cleaning lady"". Sometimes I think about killing everyone. Most of the times I think about killing myself.

My boss has been paying me less than they should, but I don't care. I let myself burn, I let my situation burn because I have no motivation to do anything about it.

I want to go to the forest and disappear. I want to bask in the sun and lose my mind and my memories and I want to be reborn. I want to die. I don't want to die I have to die.

My family says I'm nuts. They say I'm mentally ill. They say I'm mentally ill when I haven't even told them anything. So I must be very fucked up because they see it without seeing me. I ask them why they call me names, why they tell me I'm what they say, why they don't want to talk about things. They say they want to talk, but not with YOU. Not with you. I love them, I don't love anything else and they despise me. My sister is ashamed of me. I look up to her. She is my big sister, she hates me. They wish I was dead, it would be better.
I want to help them, I want to help my mom, I want to help my sisters, I want to help my brother and they want me to stay away. I'm so alone. I got to stop destroying their lives. But it's like a big red ""don't touch"" button, I want to talk to them and I want to show them all the weird and fun and lovely things, I want to ask about their day but I HAVE TO STOP IT I can't.

I've been doing well in school, they gave me stipends. I am faking it. I can't do shit, I stress, I can't do anything. I have no motivation, I have all the motivation, I can't do it.
I want to do stuff, I want a future, I know what future I want but it's out of reach because I'm stupid. I'm going to have to give up, and I will die.

All day I daydream, when I stop it hurts it burns I can't.
I go home, I sit, I eat, I open my laptop, I sit 4,6,8,10 hours, I write, I do homework, I sit, I eat, I watch shows, I read, I sit, I eat, I do homework, I go to the gym, I sit, I eat, I do homework, I daydream, I blank out, I sit. I do homework. I go to sleep and I wake up and I go to work and I daydream. Repeat repeat repeat.

I missed my therapy session today, I didn't get a message, even my therapist forgot about me. I feel like I'm a little pebble that flew out of a sole of a shoe, under a crack, under a threshold of a busy metro station, people are walking over me, thousands, thousands of people and they all step on me and the threshold is squeezing me and I crack and I crack and I hope I crumble.",-0.5084933035714272,1.3741325182291677,2.018943452380956,96.8721875,87.09895833333334,4.733531746031746,18.34424603174603,5.962712829351723,-0.3940920634920633,3999,106,973,31,126,1371,335,1152,0.258,0.647,0.094,-0.9996,1,6,3,0,0,5,196.0,0,3,29,8,33,64,21,6,32,0,110,28,8,9,6,161,220,71,9,36,26,5,10,9,2,11,8,6,12,2,39,51,5,6,20,6,6,20,51,39,1,2,20,22,228,25,114,183,9,99,0,6,6,8,84,33,6,9,45,630,267,17,0.03520453777042442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03120669861321993,0.03762294449298687,0.07050451858427018,0.10938385199123296,0.0,0.0,0.02929299560171415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034913441726771126,0.07384749406606454,0.0,0.14485167482020614,0.0,0.06582298110414811,0.0,0.0661516441956637,0.0,0.029394318543779337,0.12876215680886854,0.0,0.02995646870590469,0.0,0.0,0.031135552791523764,0.0,0.03910430516800463,0.0,0.07859981398292648,0.03594776916689103,0.0,0.07178674503279457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02810795879037376,0.0,0.0,0.04540802892635852,0.03629433261524148,0.0,0.0,0.14614700850395038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040826087112668816,0.14409212384653394,0.0882266218787078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975679552638621,0.0,0.0,0.06727888899392577,0.03163956854635787,0.0,0.033187705086330004,0.0,0.12460330452312325,0.10060051526956182,0.0,0.0,0.032176309738191335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543978771055963,0.1301841115615734,0.05517875391400296,0.06754280100326207,0.2600981513497053,0.0295278960138506,0.028156284850737567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031131256485614888,0.0,0.0,0.13902877052131066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158115752624878,0.0,0.10593906535888263,0.03496604943088098,0.034669378289760334,0.0,0.11306155740242425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579442022705442,0.0,0.038694986560848896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079970751520018,0.04973201229824318,0.15479243014265892,0.035284195409882285,0.1554312591415791,0.0623098162092561,0.02956294523775327,0.0393848727930921,0.0,0.0,0.12709387925891935,0.033311384848488265,0.0,0.0,0.035367690001877825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643368163080784,0.0,0.03554654746251403,0.04123112915327076,0.0,0.0,0.025879385947294054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755940692471285,0.0,0.03694124034938622,0.0,0.0,0.05354927470327231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084475677724373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039687826757154286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033685988169618625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03521406461831724,0.0,0.022552928359443287,0.0723922562709645,0.0,0.037796498634965314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797636865033713,0.0,0.03562887170424062,0.08416037596847391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227390423707822,0.0,0.03957137546626825,0.03522996206657631,0.0,0.029828690609837488,0.02710217311377341,0.13927275213059864,0.0,0.04983590606133579,0.03752335315047458,0.0,0.11773027972370705,0.040326679072303945,0.0,0.04030077313526823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977644361406494,0.0923109531424933,0.0,0.08051891409273937,0.08175036348194871,0.07016499179343813,0.09023058522542296,0.0,0.0,0.020528049081327816,0.0,0.033369785447806284,0.06727888899392577,0.0,0.02390157025956717,0.03829242785671688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030405417407801026,0.0,0.029047430578055432,0.5191137123779596,0.08383117033743427,0.0,0.0,0.03165310735063173,0.0,0.09529985886671984,0.0,0.040483481039070617,0.033935918133829165,0.0,0.051258645561780405,0.035751916974795524,0.0,0.10003317425830492,0.038490635551033985,0.0,0.0906822723921748
suicidewatch,YupNow12345,2018/02/12,"Im not depressed. Im just done. Im not happy at all. My job sucks. I work maintenance at a hospital. But also do nurses jobs, housekeeping jobs. Its stuff that a maintenance guy should never do! The place I work at is disgusting. Housekeepers cant clean a floor worth anything. Theres roaches in the kitchen. The matresses are disgusting and stained. I know im complaining about something I can change. But Ive had so many jobs in the past year. 4 or 5) that no one will probably hire me. This one though is a really good reason to quit. How this place passes state check is beyond me!

Then my relationship. My wife of 4 years has just been in a mood lately. Always complaining and not showing love or affection at all. She wont get back on birh control since our son was born. Im trying to play it safe and not have another child at the moment but she doesnt get that. 


Im just DONE. Fed up with all this shit. Im not depressed. Im just done trying. Im not happy and cant see how i will ever be happy. Why was I even born? Because I rather have not ever lived if this is the shit life gives us. 

Done.",-0.3543641656742125,1.914358515283848,1.7504247717348171,94.87273785893879,94.85152838427948,5.395844912002118,17.419743284372107,6.980632752743323,0.19893478893740912,856,24,190,15,33,284,131,229,0.16399999999999998,0.778,0.058,-0.9741,4,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,2,0,0,4,17,17,5,0,11,0,28,6,2,5,6,37,36,16,0,3,18,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,10,5,2,2,2,2,2,1,13,9,0,2,9,1,17,7,16,22,3,28,0,2,1,1,13,14,3,3,12,121,27,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837925351489408,0.0607430755717804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654841208882042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007399413795606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613362848219601,0.0,0.04450102183795804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722588133916237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187736211968741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257521276101445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29882341968295056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821678601848148,0.13206802785292848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628051575940156,0.07002966718485411,0.0,0.06123017404679644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722829379367439,0.0,0.23313428410946035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7096870850812216,0.0,0.28977080014888484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011970173472339,0.0,0.08234884398889224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051563100995927584,0.0,0.0,0.06446164024072319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588668173018393,0.0,0.0,0.07401203803645612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630323823847123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989353780688564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968816857300716,0.0,0.0,0.15254200847391916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870793755669024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764605503337771,0.0,0.0,0.04676661446064083,0.07505767510547079,0.0,0.07837626455650183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817272437309565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498699309087925,0.060387574839952725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056200102304083836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356922390052607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172357894677865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991264197285544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781178648999086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587247690914917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629188709140193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402111344010712
suicidewatch,heatedchimera,2018/02/12,"I want to die but I don't want to kill myself Either I sleep too much or I don't sleep at all. I've completely lost all motivation to do anything at all, and am constantly slacking off on my college assignments/classes even though I know it's fucking up my grades. Showered for the first time in 4 days today. All I do is smoke pot all day, because it seems to be the only thing that can take my mind off all this shit for a while. Every day when I wake up I lie in bed for hours thinking about how I want everything to just stop, and I imagine myself hanging by a noose in front of me, and I have vivid thoughts of what would happen if I kill myself. But I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with it, even though I know it's what I want, and I don't want to let down the people who have been trying to help. If death was coming my way, I'd do nothing to avoid it though. Every time I cross the road I imagine being hit by a car, and it's been too unpleasant for me to function normally. I don't know what to do and I'm tired of feeling this shitty every fucking day. I hate my classes in college but it's too late to change my major, which just makes me feel worse. I'm on meds for depression, but I don't think they're helping despite meeting repeatedly with my psychiatrist. The counselling and psychological support at my university is absolute bullshit and isn't helpful in the least. I fucking hate everything and I hate myself. 


I just want everything to stop. Fuck this.",4.192467532467531,4.6519225324675375,5.357558441558441,84.08062337662338,70.42857142857143,8.237922077922079,29.36103896103896,8.238735603445708,1.8722176623376623,1172,43,249,16,20,390,149,308,0.236,0.6679999999999999,0.096,-0.9958,1,1,1,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,3,15,14,10,1,10,0,23,9,4,3,6,55,56,22,4,10,11,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,17,12,0,3,12,0,0,6,6,13,0,1,5,3,38,1,43,46,11,39,0,2,1,4,5,16,5,4,16,173,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.08911302516685464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514678980045429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566649898927858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660215132061983,0.07866222104154726,0.09574500289334407,0.09868212837228192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23556977226652104,0.0,0.07865190949996116,0.0,0.09477348589206266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062912532379826,0.0,0.2308176200727351,0.0,0.2462117207013357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234607297492828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776748959241383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376874336806692,0.0,0.0,0.05189802478777929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075205171953573,0.0,0.0,0.27047234198918474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836252410877524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899296637780272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205928863814845,0.0,0.15055766657662545,0.0,0.10301048495847917,0.0,0.0,0.09337866379044507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968419403212693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095535777553841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143351826619497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220497221081464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425821816420258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947208061430045,0.08762191665226353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945132141358318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330828238109623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313231889540416,0.0,0.0,0.09373643584900164,0.0,0.0,0.18276754876193435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526915825192788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362638648379348,0.0,0.0,0.06865964031233854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066750575714412,0.11702555096313225,0.26915790042888826,0.07249615333690729,0.10649631709420608,0.1049564072925171,0.08655862128777933,0.0,0.0,0.061998809417491536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231697175060208,0.07248383957696197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306066592848407,0.064869563368801,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dolphinpalms,2018/02/12,How can I make it look like an accident? The only reason I haven't went through with it yet is because of my parents and siblings. How could I end it while making it relatively painless and make it look like an accident? I don't wan't them to think I killed myself.,3.6366666666666654,4.873632851851851,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000003,72.33333333333334,7.622222222222224,28.314814814814817,8.07648339933343,1.7747925925925916,210,8,43,3,4,69,38,54,0.187,0.6920000000000001,0.121,-0.7059,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,6,0,11,12,5,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,8,2,4,10,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770341320519082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655390446989547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291347473731593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862173844827762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252779182712396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344920107524067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180603135935001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675587000077602,0.0,0.0,0.2872599141630683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659905562276897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576692583683475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23982098087593026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HonestForOnce,2018/02/12,"Suicidal thoughts every second of everyday. I am on depression medication, I am ""high functioning"" and very few people know that I struggle with severe depression. Recently I began having vivid, specific suicidal thoughts increasing to the point of every second. I went to the hospital, and was referred to talk therapy. I can see a psychiatrist it about 6 weeks, until them I feel like I am barely surviving. ",6.540333333333333,9.298443128571428,7.840000000000002,59.63333333333336,67.71428571428572,12.666666666666664,37.38095238095238,11.855464076750405,6.225380952380951,329,18,44,14,6,112,51,70,0.274,0.669,0.057,-0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,13,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,5,3,9,1,9,8,2,10,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,6,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375536549411977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33020317741689825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908136576191136,0.13999118123683715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070385325555097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076924280572896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573432362261854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974053021184799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585138772631464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524199104746294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348315250514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561517574549669,0.0,0.0,0.2213747811580876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048560148946236,0.0,0.4286886560944536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750220777721566,0.0,0.0,0.22409304496197724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111347414656557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168442507957406,0.0,0.0,0.15718428057587566,0.0,0.0,0.1816534031664485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway34535435,2018/02/12,"Life is too hard Barely two months into this year and I don't want to live

everyone would laugh at what's threatening to push me over the edge but I might be failing a module in my second year of college.I know it's hysterical that somebody would prepare to kill themselves over something so silly but it's more the final straw than an actual reason. I feel like I;m so mentally ill and unable to cope with life that maybe I wasn't made for this life anyway

Everything is being held so precariously together and this year has been so bad that I don't know if I can keep going

If I fail?? what do I do??? uni drop out too mentally ill to get a job waiting tables for the rest of my life, I'd be alone and I'd die anyway I feel like I just have to get it done with so I don't have to feel so sick and overwhelmed anymore
sorry

I want to go on
but if I fail university there isn't any point",2.2807543859649115,3.556913636842112,4.068947368421053,88.45096491228071,75.78947368421053,7.171929824561403,22.14035087719298,7.793537801064563,0.7879719298245611,701,18,157,10,15,237,108,190,0.28300000000000003,0.6609999999999999,0.057,-0.9944,1,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,13,10,1,1,6,0,21,7,0,2,0,31,36,17,2,7,7,0,4,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,11,9,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,6,0,2,5,4,16,4,22,25,2,17,0,4,0,0,0,8,0,4,7,103,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.13761060812151904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604934087767654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589525148338772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984930295857875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774189985222462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635163605975107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430762921797727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474617889667265,0.12673547459875514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139047446080984,0.20148274191676496,0.0,0.1544753874859408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473493663440844,0.0,0.16028450920569398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632202619895352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399359435430077,0.1253408934069284,0.15601255559461882,0.0,0.15499666119644845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984131561171061,0.1377859222889139,0.0,0.12451910882367392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343210297350652,0.0,0.0,0.14166884011968015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28422054565439586,0.14959496734254407,0.0,0.0,0.11255708101941632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330505516351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449872324006694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085604807536823,0.0,0.15785510278478254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775147481602953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634897561905138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034647117060053,0.0,0.0,0.2724277231959637
suicidewatch,bluenighthawk,2018/02/12,"I know I need help but I'm not sure how to get it Obligatory first time poster, apologies if this is in the wrong forum and for the tremendously long length, and anything else that I might mess up.

I've had depression and anxiety for more years than I know. My depression seems to feed off of my anxiety, so the more I worry about things, the more depressed I get, then I start to give up hope and become completely unproductive. Then I get upset with myself for being unproductive and I get depressed and it's a vicious cycle. I often think ""what's the point, I'd do more good for this this world dead than alive."" I was only recently diagnosed four months ago. It's been getting worse recently.

Shortly after starting my medication, because I wasn't taking it regularly, I was considering suicide. This isn't new for me, but this was my second worse episode. I laid in bed for literally 20 hours, either forcing myself to sleep or crying for hours on end. After my medication became more regulated, I felt great! My problems still existed, but they just didn't worry me as much as before. I never thought about suicide again. Until a month ago.

Rewinding for some background, I'm 26F. Ever since I was 7-years-old I thought my dream was to become a veterinarian. I finished my degree in biomedical science in late 2014. Then after a few years of working at a veterinary clinic, I realized that even though I love my job this wasn't the profession for me in the long run. Up until this point, my whole life was based around this goal. So in the Fall of last year I decided to start a second degree in mathematics. It scopes almost every job field in application and it's also always been my best subject and one of my favorites. In order to graduate in a couple of years, I talked to my boss about becoming a seasonal worker so I can focus on studies. This semester I'm taking 21 credit hours (every semester after this will be 19-20 for three more semesters). But because this is my second degree I was immediately listed under academic probation for having so many hours from my first degree. Meaning if I fail or drop even a single class in these next two years, I'm kicked out of the university. No pressure, right?

This past month has been so incredibly stressful. I knew it would be, so before the new term even started I made sure to sign up for regular counselling with a free on-campus psychologist. We meet every Tuesday and so far it's just been nice having someone to talk with about my problems. But that's all it's been. This is my first time getting counselling so I'm not sure if it's supposed to be more than this? It definitely helps me feel less stressed to have a good listener, but I still had an episode yesterday. My worse episode. Without getting into too much detail, I tried to kill myself in the other room. But what I attempted wasn't effective. I realized that I'd have to cross the apartment to find what I needed to get the job done, which meant passing my boyfriend and I knew he would stop me. So I gave up, realizing that I wouldn't be able to do it with him around. I called him over and openly told him what happened, all the while feeling numb and speaking in monotone. He held me close and spoke to me for the next hour and a half, calming me down and bringing me out of whatever state I had put myself in.

I realize that I need more help than my medication or my psychologist can provide. I'm just not sure where to get it. My circle of friends/support group is great, but small. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand. It might sound kind of stupid, but I don't want to get myself committed to a psychiatric hospital either. For one, the only one that I'm aware of exists in this small city is shit. I first tried to get myself diagnosed two years ago and initially went to this hospital. After having me wait four hours in an empty lobby, a worker very briefly spoke with me and had me fill out a two-page questionnaire that they went over with me. They said they didn't believe I had depression or any mental disorders and sent me home at 1AM. Many reviews about this hospital and its staff are negative, including stories of patients transferring here just for doctors to not seem to know what they're doing and completely change the medications and treatment plans of these patients. Or just staff not seeming to put the well-being of the clients as their first priority (treating people going through sensitive situations rudely is common from what I've read). Another thing is that I wouldn't be able to afford it. I'm already $80k in school debt because this is my second degree and because the scholarship that was suppose to cover all of it was cancelled for all of the students who were awarded it. This is actually significant for me because a lot of my depression and anxiety stems from a poor upbringing. My family has claimed bankruptcy twice and any money I've ever earned seems to always end up going into emergency medical situations no matter how hard I work. Lastly, I just don't want to get committed. I want to finish school, and get a good job, and make good money, and have a family with the man I love. I don't have time to be locked away.

I guess my question is what do I do from here? I talked to my psychiatrist 10 days ago and have since doubled by dose as per her instructions. I'm not sure if I should find a different psychologist? Mine seems nice, but I'm not sure if she's exactly helpful or if it takes more time to make progress. I'm not sure if I should tell her what happened because I don't want her to forcibly have me committed. I'm trying to increase my support system, but I've never been very good at making friends. The activities I am involved in (gym training, martial arts) all have members that aren't interested in the same things as me outside of the classes. And any activities beyond this to try to find new friends interferes with my school work. I've tried text and call help-lines and I guess they helped in the sense that I'm not dead yet, but I didn't like them at all and I don't find them very helpful.

I really don't know what else I can do from here... I'm sorry that this was so long and whiny.",5.411207858127582,6.202421959570959,6.009792789405522,79.30072502819904,67.85313531353135,9.206015791452565,30.605798554539,9.327403881922717,2.602339023269416,4933,185,946,93,79,1604,462,1212,0.161,0.73,0.109,-0.9968,7,0,0,0,0,3,125.0,1,0,8,19,43,53,5,4,49,0,88,18,3,8,21,183,175,83,5,23,43,0,5,1,3,9,12,6,3,1,70,51,1,4,30,4,7,14,31,21,0,20,45,11,132,33,157,114,30,154,0,7,0,2,51,60,1,28,77,655,202,31,0.07738640205774068,0.0,0.0377589826428265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719675239174495,0.0,0.03874565160910507,0.0,0.042698909502753735,0.030942938883319112,0.06439168580745581,0.0,0.0,0.0789381106380961,0.04057319500111792,0.08880057863741188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031841207572368135,0.06889030470138545,0.0,0.0,0.03635353606891372,0.0,0.0,0.1415220972593503,0.12820080169792206,0.06585012837330369,0.043593987420113056,0.04060612729900102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902016881940004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093227615318011,0.0,0.08113817021962866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281329098199934,0.042502664437466725,0.02495391365496641,0.0,0.19995838409077887,0.07854556911764067,0.0,0.04042615964713394,0.04434576060081327,0.0396041308243617,0.0,0.03959657864499303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464640891301808,0.0,0.06854138272211167,0.0,0.0,0.07666948306589637,0.07000043111635644,0.09780207207269866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295301264662778,0.0,0.039128890081608934,0.0,0.037151540891923227,0.0,0.14145953901578814,0.164562085143631,0.0,0.0,0.08968281339681024,0.0,0.26280280694988234,0.037118044189572916,0.04398047565974928,0.16227010618263912,0.0,0.08531878146665775,0.08524984648671369,0.0,0.06843253976714253,0.0,0.034661508002645613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154665922385346,0.0,0.03881243548273086,0.038431079215904836,0.22863005316978666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358812624916254,0.0,0.0428082940637701,0.04029301460137274,0.08505908548336051,0.06308024630255281,0.04364761611777344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02733015218059169,0.018903543553628728,0.0,0.0,0.10272679591956664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289557583278265,0.06984424922396948,0.03661244237597847,0.07748403643320301,0.07845766541045865,0.0,0.042148239221014495,0.0,0.19489664652690286,0.038993645899094015,0.08209474331155169,0.0,0.0,0.09265363171972098,0.0,0.05688790970598213,0.08607155484941205,0.059685163987288486,0.11211040399883948,0.08230131651799726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060200558279862,0.0,0.10487805762030383,0.05885584592974295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036937038609013,0.02682499366505734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315516344023737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404833550737384,0.0,0.07779470833570012,0.04334524050739076,0.0,0.03870367195858662,0.0,0.02478785537513193,0.0,0.07640973606691194,0.0,0.0,0.03304378226259668,0.03680609483233455,0.0,0.0,0.1174787555178906,0.0,0.17612418500842364,0.0,0.0,0.03971801481989572,0.06401483147117648,0.08698555827604414,0.03872114479590509,0.0,0.03278462366757853,0.0,0.0,0.0433138706927938,0.10954898736418864,0.0,0.061800880647402426,0.03234924862698755,0.08864586209578194,0.0,0.0,0.08464816352986122,0.08781717198476963,0.2552751883813981,0.0,0.08727741523628295,0.09330038794380237,0.033819563171103684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711813034890495,0.024793040856319545,0.03801587355475304,0.0614361590888541,0.09024926672965752,0.0,0.0,0.036973011743787455,0.0,0.13135071805090645,0.0,0.11339290518960014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577782938593918,0.0912890098923922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034789834591588825,0.07173797000871138,0.0,0.04319957713486288,0.0,0.03729886502173233,0.0,0.0845073335484531,0.07858964771498363,0.1182950325031884,0.054973079697474836,0.04230494116461129,0.0,0.14950291713699004
suicidewatch,DoSeDTrading,2018/02/12,"I’m 16 and broken. Hey my names Tyler. I will apologize now for grammar as I really don’t care right now for that. As the title states I’m 16, Overweight, Failing school, I abuse minor substances, and my own mind seems to be making me go crazy. I consistently have bouts of sadness and overall self destructiveness. I’ve gotten better with dealing with them but I can’t live like this anymore I feel like I’m going insane while everyone else is happy in their lives doing good in school with good things going for them. I get made fun of sometimes at school but it’s just normal now. I have good friends I can not deny that and I have a amazing girlfriend which I’m trying to build a good relationship with. I smoke weed almost everyday to relax and just let things go( I know it’s wrong to use it to get away from things). Recently I’ve been doing better in school but nothing is improving mentally for me and I’m contemplating just leaving or running away. This is a cry for help I’m sitting here In class with tears in my eyes. Someone please tell me what I need to be doing. I’m on the verge of just leaving everything behind and taking my life. ",2.7633209109730856,4.8637652782608685,3.86751552795031,86.8418115942029,76.65217391304347,6.467908902691512,23.561076604554863,7.447530270364453,1.0420207039337468,914,29,180,12,21,296,131,230,0.119,0.645,0.236,0.9881,0,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,3,3,8,18,1,0,5,0,17,3,1,3,0,32,40,14,0,2,9,0,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,12,12,1,0,3,1,0,5,3,4,0,0,3,2,23,14,32,33,1,24,0,2,1,0,13,11,0,3,8,111,35,6,0.0,0.12879625613028678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885117756127087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780498387868499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042616420309465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227939731707389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083079335930322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119406046391606,0.0,0.11206886943699768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080809643211454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387116228940144,0.09769598780212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496391962921285,0.07765803362853903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398430481728746,0.0,0.1135865229729702,0.0,0.2471155531757023,0.36470244081422404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571724205130066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286188188917149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059740778852799166,0.0,0.0,0.2302033081729011,0.0,0.11115702501079304,0.07678072568760327,0.10621439518697952,0.0,0.19197493638277646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028581866741118,0.0725606466590998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954788724023323,0.0,0.10975987432372906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060250815936155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650666757162518,0.10430425094394953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932415567220335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963845321335428,0.0,0.10733191213223453,0.1167072257699759,0.0,0.09283247179966482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400562934757814,0.0,0.09895987879414504,0.11340179591773167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210439736882416,0.0,0.10751086154495716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173174733532232,0.0,0.09501193354346203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166539715086179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380276103034875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388520212715852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188505669974609,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Taengsta,2018/02/12,"Feels like I’ve lost motivation; can’t find the point to living for much longer. As of recent, I’ve lost the motivation to continue trying in school. I stopped doing my homework, studying for exams, all that. The only reason I sometimes still try is because that’s how I’ve been trained as a person with very high expectations from his family. People tell me that school is to make sure you are set in the future and make a living for yourself. You get educated, and then you can get a job based on that education. I agree with that. The problem is, what if you don’t see anything of yourself in the future? The future holds absolutely nothing for me. I don’t have anything that I feel like I need or want to do then. All I have left that I still want to do are short term things, then that’s it. If that’s the case, then is there even a point to me worrying about my education? If there’s nothing awaiting for me in the future, then there’s no reason to continue living until the time comes. That’s what I think. Give me some input. 

Edit: Am I wrong here? From what I’ve been coming across today, it seems like people have it much worse than I do. ",3.7056845841784978,4.891617732758618,4.736663286004057,85.40995943204871,72.10344827586206,7.3553752535496955,23.99188640973631,7.724431198458867,1.0302365111561866,902,24,187,11,17,295,114,232,0.09,0.823,0.087,-0.4291,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,4,0,4,9,8,0,0,14,0,20,0,0,7,3,33,37,15,0,8,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,17,6,0,2,9,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,3,23,4,29,33,6,33,0,2,1,0,8,11,0,6,22,128,40,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934996858772645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071669395970973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025517670464124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776536759580348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108342467762812,0.0,0.11889354262568605,0.16798362987443102,0.0,0.0,0.10745657298677423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285062821113532,0.11278356630691387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421883977002382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666978284407553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277398196562088,0.0,0.0,0.17231584565131022,0.0,0.3114485889452187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566824249361113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695737121203876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285450988790868,0.08717644051070292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256225900427531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894170523649437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301604881193768,0.102657324434414,0.0,0.0,0.2222827308577022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124983217725486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417624591804862,0.11608589194763155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379736199629433,0.09368782660737596,0.1070310364236746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627943645621926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778262358661685,0.0982935310079082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080804792207537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027610971606778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810808244861014,0.07533391449957519,0.0,0.0,0.0685558357167835,0.0,0.11144232557125908,0.0,0.0,0.15964421339760906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700731281450316,0.13869130668236318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939773414287005,0.11981356537323334,0.0,0.128544007129809,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_myLifeSucks_,2018/02/12,"I wish I got in an accident Its really weird even to me and I don't know why, I don't eve know if I want to die maybe I just want something to get attention from because I have no friends. If I was lying in a hospital bed atleast I wouldnt have to do anything, maybe if I was paralyzed I would have enough of a reason to kill myself, It doesnt even make any sense and I'm like in a really weird border between wanting to die and just dealing with being sad. so I kind of want something to push me over the edge so I can actually get the courage to kill myself. I don't know what I'm saying its so fucking stupid",2.106492537313432,3.0094633805970155,4.07779104477612,89.69370149253733,75.6417910447761,7.44955223880597,25.34029850746269,7.908726449838941,1.1918232835820892,479,16,112,7,10,164,73,134,0.256,0.637,0.107,-0.9765,0,0,2,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,4,0,6,0,14,1,0,2,0,22,29,9,4,10,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,1,18,4,17,23,1,6,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,3,2,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.15210636437037595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599675608322566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826750039346016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501673591074243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069483935150386,0.0,0.0,0.3235363259356755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610550896155109,0.0,0.2059009629156441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042456070504726,0.14409904650457847,0.16287099310748912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246632557978047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448935071440577,0.16231432977184945,0.2569857688949342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615007297358381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404424990367467,0.0,0.3131841724897209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997082706022697,0.1602600344670663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395385923044208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399922544802792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367744002349096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064818028345538,0.0,0.17924248810215576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072537851618204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Candlefetish,2018/02/12,"I really want to kill myself Every night I fall asleep thinking the next day will be a smile but I wake up with a frown. The frown lasts all day with a bit of smile every now and then, just to enunciate the frown. Its a bitter joke how killing yourself will hurt those around you, not yourself. The nastiest thoughts resonate in my head. I make fun of people I love in my thoughts and then I have to witness myself, berating myself for being this way, and I end up feeling really low. 

I don't wish someone would care, but I wish someone would just tell me its okay to kill myself. ",2.8445689655172437,4.711777077586209,3.480551724137932,90.76962068965518,75.63793103448276,6.364137931034484,23.66896551724138,7.1686216300943375,0.8140889655172412,455,14,94,5,10,143,72,116,0.227,0.562,0.21,-0.763,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,0,5,11,4,0,8,1,8,4,3,2,1,23,18,8,3,5,5,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,2,17,5,14,10,2,17,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,9,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362411201159835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708381258488975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603799997284187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974007322143133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555107350499224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578914194405383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738336819268543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706673564200646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383618157576327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079597158511466,0.0,0.0,0.12475084049496278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381276913954794,0.0,0.10215769316670337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276344832608267,0.1436209130342479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610106022533168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196087109570474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593464418781736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337667234376963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806406495044537,0.0,0.2429988128567796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026899369896738,0.12147876927103188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519848356623077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174353557201956,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BabyLiger,2018/02/12,"I feel dead Hi Reddit,

I’ve been feeling like this for a long time. I don’t have the guts to tell anyone. I told my boyfriend once and he thought I was pathetic and said it made him love me less. 

Last night my long term boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me. He said he felt numb and he was sure this is what he wanted. 

It was so sudden and unexpected. I didn’t even know what to say. How can you go from loving someone and having future plans two weeks earlier to nothing? It hurts my heart but I can’t even concentrate. I can’t do anything. 

We’ve been discussing this since Friday and I haven’t eaten. I can’t eat. I can’t think. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go to work. I’m a nurse on a mental ward and I don’t know how to do it anymore. I don’t want to take care of people. 

I feel like killing myself. I’ve thought about it every once in a while. When I was dating my boyfriend it made it better. Made me forget that I was worthless because someone loved me for me. No one really cares about you in this world except maybe your family. I barely have any friends. They’re all fake. 

I’m 21 and I want to end my life. I know this is what I want. ",-0.6620511502377582,1.4172898685258986,1.2952319753245085,100.19765068757229,90.55378486055777,4.194884976224136,16.46330805809022,5.642373280135919,-0.8005819046395066,891,21,217,6,31,292,132,251,0.11,0.7290000000000001,0.161,0.8727,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,3,0,3,9,16,1,0,5,0,25,9,2,6,2,35,58,15,2,4,2,0,4,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,16,9,2,0,11,0,0,2,11,6,0,2,18,7,35,10,21,40,3,21,0,3,0,3,20,5,0,0,16,124,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531307533815491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983318701168923,0.07743823223901138,0.0,0.09113693925674997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751152445092401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794843542570487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258318459076925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332381170840446,0.0,0.0,0.09809068672288042,0.0,0.0,0.1462972576263453,0.0,0.09331075652428948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440424200403746,0.0,0.16799397151223136,0.15823812635752915,0.10633634788713668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556435449611573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588234694226555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123802433885154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855902830772692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225272906785282,0.0,0.2434588791682307,0.0902751656404753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782252498903913,0.1082126735720568,0.0,0.0,0.1960186494913095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998657204421846,0.31437996777701754,0.0,0.0,0.1112621935284336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160888071308288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393037563643948,0.0,0.10626659258103227,0.0,0.0,0.2358880082647633,0.07504634634995938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677936876792921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094860534086475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069520189451624,0.08807200034826992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161266566382603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876744309371237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437956306594484,0.0,0.08326941822999963,0.0,0.09679945295446153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070963447393665,0.0,0.17584457141970442,0.06457859615730098,0.0,0.0,0.10582535595656277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818561962433344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612903713046277,0.0,0.08883611750194229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062654561546699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131868479366754
suicidewatch,PastTalk,2018/02/12,"I just don't wanna be here anymore. Lately its just been that. I've been drinking myself to sleep, the girl who i thought i loved has been lying to me. and I've had my heart shattered so much thought growing up. I find it just easier to want to end it. things would be easier. I don't find purpose in being here anymore. everything i've loved has been taken from me, all my passions desires wants and everything i used to enjoy and i just wanna stop this hurt. I'm hoping for the pills to kick in, but until then, i just. don't feel anymore. I've tried getting help, and I just hear the same things, over and over. and I'm just done listening. i wanna just. fall asleep for good i guess.
I'm sorry Dani...",0.5104875100725224,2.783406527397261,2.1457131345688967,94.97547542304594,86.46575342465755,4.805157131345688,18.86220789685737,6.2272716619740125,-0.10911555197421484,547,15,119,5,17,178,79,146,0.068,0.759,0.173,0.9191,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,3,0,15,8,3,1,1,33,32,10,0,8,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,8,6,1,1,5,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,3,16,6,18,19,3,12,0,1,0,3,7,5,0,2,5,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627784631524423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591772035037075,0.0,0.15237551944181954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377672768624754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795887998530279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864855389699242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28433181097963434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126618183598011,0.0,0.0,0.13046431079806606,0.0,0.0,0.17135106904736766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531125144575868,0.18432234331332772,0.1042589699470978,0.0,0.0,0.15449192648847013,0.0,0.0,0.1665148346199389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754622674731788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28077204275559986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434394952851168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565798248212245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741206196528782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004312766656545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667523556230805,0.0,0.0,0.2469717418125785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560528557277793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343414994680139,0.0,0.0,0.1834897079817619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049516642187183,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itskryode,2018/02/12,"I can't do this anymore. Recently, things have been going downhill for me. 
It all started when I was on vacation, and I fractured my foot.
My relatives thought it was just a minor sprain, and they kept laughing it off. I was deeply hurt.

When I came back to the US, I was in tears. The flight was so painful, and I was screaming. It had hurt so damn much.

A few weeks later, I was told by psychologist that I’m “addicted to electronics”. Now, I do accept that it is the truth. But she keeps bringing it up, and now she’s telling me i’m manipulative.
At that point, I lost it, and left the room. 

At this point, I'm frustrated with life. Some of my classmates are just fucking annoying, and they will NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP. I swear, they all have this attitude that I cannot bear with anymore. And some of the teachers are just plain terrible. How did they get a fucking license? It genuinely seems like they hate children. 

But I'm mostly frustrated with myself. I beat myself up at every chance I get, and I wish that I had actually killed myself in the past. 

The thing is though, I dont wanna tell anybody, because I'm insecure and I don't want to get myself into a hospital again. 

I wish I was already dead.",2.2871900826446314,4.251346314049592,3.6694214876033087,88.34685950413225,77.59504132231405,7.044628099173554,25.876033057851238,8.00094639256281,1.5110181818181825,936,36,197,16,22,307,131,242,0.203,0.7140000000000001,0.083,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,5,2,13,20,9,1,12,0,25,7,1,2,3,37,50,17,2,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,18,14,0,2,3,0,0,3,5,16,0,0,17,1,37,4,22,32,7,30,0,3,0,3,12,16,4,4,12,146,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.13003075933921493,0.1452599128432705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704240519717224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642922853840692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245943397861317,0.0,0.08122670193025636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240013532616414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616558266713346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226712874177218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695566950391809,0.2088496329107926,0.0,0.07572786984534295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155474538564166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852893319123016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843688338014,0.14741909324683414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477426682990235,0.0,0.09411695422291222,0.06509820843775428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545585698437594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795256093446253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417851931835272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720022738706735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519247285261703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315662566398242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130391187325365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431357133316294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329291295402324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704800899861725,0.0,0.13091541559865727,0.10578397321737948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732410821496945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602808545196563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859308199533821,0.0,0.10688345279800206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064570891592852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jaedcas,2018/02/12,"I'm going to kill myself today. I've been wanting to kill myself for a while now but I didn't know know to do it. If I could get hold of a gun easily I would have probably killed myself already. But, I've decided I'm going to hang myself today. 
This is because I'm failing college and am  a failure to everyone I know.
Bye",0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,3.818571428571431,85.49642857142858,83.0,6.2857142857142865,22.857142857142854,7.447530270364453,1.1411428571428568,252,9,52,4,7,92,44,70,0.311,0.649,0.04,-0.9714,0,0,0,1,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,18,5,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,7,14,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,34,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503048666467013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430757128205085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281330683737108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485403545555371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653963952469672,0.0,0.23178455742104576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6768208854959095,0.0,0.3362068427123057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985995274261375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865841100543807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027713683118806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485872147367904,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whateverjustigiveme,2018/02/12,"Eventually, after life kicks you down, and then won't let you get back up, you're left with very little choices. I've always thought about suicide. Not because I'm sad or depressed. But because I have never had good luck. Never given a break. So my time has come. **hello guys, this is andrews sister melisa. i dont know how many of u guys knew him but he wouldn't shut up about reddit so i came onto his account try to try to figure how why he'd do it? i use the site too, but hes like obsessed with it. he was such a sweet kid. hes my little bro.**

**i just wanted to let u folks know that andrew is alive but he is in intensive care. it looks bleak in my oinion because this is eactly how when my ex bf died in a wreck 2 years ago. i cant lose my baby brother this is the worst pain ive ever felt.**


Let this be a warning to other people contemplating suicide, if you have options **you have options**. My options have run out, basically. I can either pretend to be a mad man, and go all Walter White and strip down naked in public, and get locked in an insane asylum, or I can find some local dirt bag. A registered pedophile. A drug dealer. And murder them, and be put in jail for life. 

One thing for certain is that no matter how much I build my life up towards something good, it comes crashing down **100** percent of the time. 

I started as most do with 100. When I was 19 and my house was burned down, arson, because they got the wrong address (as I learned when they were arrested) my 100 was brought down to about 1. I slowly scraped and clawed to get my life at about a 15 or 20, when I was 27. 

Guess what happened? I'll give you a new, it wasn't good. So I was knocked down to almost complete 0. 

I've been teetering around 0 for the past 5 years, and now, the little I had is going to be done in 10 days. So for the first time in my life, I am done fighting. I am finally doing things on my own terms. 

This isn't a cry for help, because you can't stop the inevitable. Even if someone worked some hacker magic and found me, I would already long be dead. I bought myself what's called a ""bundle"" of heroin. I don't do heroin. But today I do. I am going to do the entire ""bundle"". All in one big fat line. Then I am going to lie down, clothes my eyes, and let sweet sleep take me over. 

It's already out in front of me, all set up. Line set up, and a plastic straw cut to snort it with. When I click that send button, I am immediately snorting that line. 

So why am I telling you this? Because maybe life just *isn't* worth living for all of us. The word is overpopulated as is, and a bunch of depressed people, reproducing with other depressed people just keeps the cycle going. I am ending the cycle here. At least for my namesake, the game is over. 

I wish those of you better off than I, a lot of luck. And I believe 99% of you will get through this and lead a happy life. My time has come, and it has gone. 

Today, I will die. Born October, 5th, 1985. Died February, 12th, 2018.

Mom, Melissa, Monica, Nathan, Dad and I guess Tommy. I love you all and this has nothing to do with you. Don't blame yourselves. This is the best option. 

Reddit, I loved you when I posted on my main account. Even if I was a cynical troll 99.9% of the time. You were a good distraction. 

Courtney, I'm sorry for what I did to you. 

AW and LG, you didn't deserve that. I hope if there is a God, he is watching over you. 

See ya!

-BG",0.030810194500332955,2.2140148422535257,1.9993863179074443,95.7825938967136,87.90140845070421,4.282360831656606,18.311535881958413,5.622346879071545,-0.436663313212609,2598,70,584,16,84,860,334,710,0.173,0.7390000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9968,0,0,4,0,2,3,135.0,1,17,3,6,32,32,5,2,34,1,79,15,3,6,9,95,121,51,7,9,17,6,1,1,1,5,11,0,1,4,30,32,1,2,9,2,4,16,15,15,0,3,27,11,86,17,83,79,19,98,0,5,6,2,52,43,0,21,36,392,116,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879991271672577,0.0,0.06642259071156045,0.0,0.14639950920659603,0.0,0.05519409809862303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905014270168452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100573140088658,0.0,0.24261469229466906,0.0,0.0,0.07473420793394593,0.0696120483705904,0.058665859186817236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773307601589014,0.07586690718521487,0.06763058140917902,0.0,0.0,0.17141917400702658,0.06954854606596457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728633270273153,0.04277908680121273,0.0,0.17139670329722428,0.0,0.20652852734482635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357627102751537,0.0777413992472904,0.0,0.07692484195599687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058751060083931834,0.0,0.0,0.0876242104125772,0.06000170074029526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368976885107071,0.07266420143392971,0.060626861803013715,0.05642253813879701,0.0,0.07273035264243741,0.0,0.0,0.13862433636119445,0.06363234465872912,0.18849193475434925,0.22254679738374591,0.053052298551993886,0.0,0.1461458364034759,0.1313595510198624,0.0586577640526418,0.07061236432391954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044461392771560124,0.0,0.0,0.06588331178721828,0.0,0.07653899915019756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589595279523651,0.0,0.0,0.07290940514255279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720706437752491,0.2713186110586856,0.32796910256753925,0.03240679364818765,0.19944829500504205,0.058572965915106336,0.058702328623563574,0.05570273937573294,0.07420929433439402,0.0,0.056393666876634815,0.1197356551533578,0.0,0.0,0.06725091953955936,0.06664008618398531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768802542917301,0.0,0.0,0.048762147310857096,0.0,0.1023196940672538,0.06406450934976378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364798916416026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989747244694486,0.0,0.07058264133736425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332204249333169,0.13796017109457465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352836510739593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668265801075247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285855260849597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638057809968725,0.0,0.05620345894485797,0.051066132732424885,0.0,0.07425399717590006,0.046950607670561514,0.0,0.0,0.05545708517319043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511435702136788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049873915220981134,0.0,0.05797768031419796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813696154060538,0.0,0.0,0.05266073327684481,0.19339557656948095,0.0,0.12575123668324625,0.0,0.0,0.09007106214432252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979003881712468,0.05729013221978384,0.0,0.05473140250443748,0.039124729412997064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970984077770147,0.0,0.07627930083441023,0.0,0.0,0.048290976279904606,0.0,0.0,0.04712082803172276,0.07252436532499254,0.0,0.08543213378161407
suicidewatch,MrTammy,2018/02/12,"Been thinking about peaceful suicide lately. I really don't know what got into me. I've just met one of my old classmates, she told me something that I wish I have never heard or known. 

My classmate told me that my crush who is oversea has found a loved one. I blame this all on myself, my crush gave me so many chances, opportunity but I fucked all of them up. I tried really hard, I changed my behavior, I promised her that I would be a more serious and matured person but it's all useless. My other classmate showed me the guy that my crush is currently into, he looks so much happier, matured and good looking. Everytime I see him, all I can think is how much of a failure I am, and how he is the better version of me. 

I really tried, I used this word so many more times than I can remember. I would give in all my effort to love someone but I don't think I am that good looking for someone to truly love me. Peaceful death looks so peaceful, what's there of me to be remembered. Fuck life, I always try to be as positive as I can, I try to smile as much as I can but deep down I really just want it all to end.   ",2.5551340996168577,3.8010073103448256,4.1866666666666665,88.00277777777781,75.0344827586207,7.396934865900383,26.250957854406128,7.984000788550335,1.433427394636015,864,31,189,13,18,290,120,232,0.13699999999999998,0.628,0.235,0.9828,2,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,3,10,12,2,0,5,0,20,6,0,3,7,35,45,18,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,13,5,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,8,7,44,8,24,32,12,13,0,1,5,5,18,7,2,1,6,137,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904616959395816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615182236168417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500873359818835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629146442331886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920316252948895,0.0,0.20101521326754446,0.0,0.1042917632996746,0.0,0.1823742158199913,0.08695134200636763,0.0,0.0,0.10764744938748448,0.0,0.0,0.097389554518532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974831246772307,0.0,0.12263811168231348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679040812616561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651813832272783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943654521790222,0.0,0.0,0.22044502744385489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397596860182713,0.0,0.08384966302741201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408076174775475,0.0,0.1473396268510695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492795565408084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858893990066896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24631154144889014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663379742761723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842320244000632,0.08369606771717833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891933461688692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089854143656208,0.0,0.0,0.06339406728751283,0.0,0.0,0.2077685219385767,0.0,0.295248271729913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389704152686944,0.0,0.0,0.06412441724390171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125019796613697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445963118050698,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Millygator,2018/02/12,"I am so tired I was supposed to finally have my intake today. They canceled it. Now I have them next week, if I make it through this one. 

Next week I have college again. Going to miss half of that because of the intake. I had everything planned out. And everything is messed up again.

I am so tired. I just need help and I've been trying to get help. Everytime I am almost there. It gets fucked up again.

I can't do this anymore.",-0.5711201298701312,1.6083864659090956,1.2091558441558448,97.58909090909091,99.11363636363636,4.3324675324675335,18.785714285714285,6.18269132825596,-0.035846753246752794,331,11,73,4,14,107,57,88,0.166,0.774,0.061,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,8,3,1,0,1,0,12,3,0,1,0,8,19,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,3,0,13,0,9,16,0,14,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,2,10,54,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961883905818451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943027788739894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943272487793452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521655721622809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462385883356586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112747834782508,0.2047231608616382,0.0,0.1113474464665161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26264585579801875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077999527946052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527427912981558,0.0,0.0,0.4167322566498928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327623647903897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503688913059875,0.18571191272631984,0.0,0.0,0.13301872548774646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31431491636797504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chrizza94,2018/02/12,"I think this is it Hello im 23 years old and live in Melbourne Australia 

I have always had the thought of sucide in the back of my head and it's coming up again much harder this time 

I live at home with my mother and she never says it but i am in the way and she wants me gone i cannot hold a job no matter what i do ive gone through countless jobs time and time agian i currently have a 2 day a week job but had a fight with somebody in my work uniform and have a interview with the boss and im %90 sure im going to be let go

I am stuck in a endless loop of spending all my money on drugs especially weed 

I am a complete  failure who shouldn't have even been born as i was a accident 

I have asphergers and cannot hold friendships ive lost countless freinds and that ones i do have are on a knifes edge or we are in constant arguments 

Its so weird i can tell people on the internet about this but expressing my feelings to family and friends is terrifying 

Im so sick of week after week being the same over and over 

If i loose this job tomorrow my mother is probably going to kick me out and ill be homeless and even if that does not happen i cant stand to be a disappointment to her anymore or a burden

Ive never in my life had a girlfriend or fallen in love not once and i never will im just going to be alone

Im so lost and i just want to end it im over suffering depression and anxiety im sick of the heavy feeling in my chest and the shortness of breath

I have made so many bad decisions in my life and ruined one of my ex best mates lives and the guilt tears me apart 

I just want to leave this planet i want to go 

Thank you for reading i appreciate it",0.5832369146005547,2.4518214214876046,2.8080647382920105,92.8896728650138,82.71900826446281,6.0168044077135,21.102617079889807,7.1686216300943375,0.4701344352617083,1308,40,303,18,36,445,182,363,0.228,0.685,0.087,-0.9959,5,1,1,0,1,0,1.0,1,1,0,4,12,16,1,1,21,0,37,10,3,2,5,59,60,32,0,7,13,3,2,0,3,2,6,1,1,0,15,25,0,2,5,1,2,9,10,11,0,2,12,3,42,5,43,40,4,52,0,6,0,1,19,21,0,5,20,205,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794710832241424,0.0,0.0,0.06384706834610777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869967571476205,0.0,0.07609740329857438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059002076870187416,0.06406791202133387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052537070336739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609771754402494,0.0804519129221326,0.08291989930400268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948571265537621,0.0,0.06608905303704589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714858245996723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898461630992027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796166760225875,0.0,0.0,0.10136136187947087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233598446904436,0.0,0.0775958848730298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928285766104676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804246931342214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785374522846524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874904272654656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696832874836412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6630687534561275,0.0,0.3045781911380079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124797830503111,0.0,0.07846354275452458,0.10839598760632037,0.0,0.0,0.20326695897813754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752381546051756,0.0,0.06925351460931968,0.07260555711142333,0.0,0.07779407951387399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640675831854816,0.0,0.1775410612360682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051719699296432,0.08171694451655455,0.10399101108974586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531962219171629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272994117041038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675264151879334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102026821001925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723188857837006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706704240288569,0.07064440288919557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916668834528285,0.0,0.06091653913204794,0.1342289232410661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810337959244172,0.06090619221562486,0.18464904948006405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586172017040818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941281289497704
suicidewatch,AthenaGreene,2018/02/12,Thenakedzombie For some reason it doesn't accept a comment on your post. Do you know why you're feeling that way?,3.766363636363636,6.097911090909097,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,74.45454545454545,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.0855636363636372,92,3,17,1,2,28,21,22,0.106,0.8220000000000001,0.073,-0.1739,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25356656326697297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27560377940268604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802852934717829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156114835804692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39805651722547697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45251342382400805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jackslaton,2018/02/12,"NASA's just said all life on Earth's going to end in a few decades and I feel like I'm going to kill myself with sleeping pills tomorrow when I get them I've been depressed for a while, mainly caused by cumulative events happening to me such as death, bad things happening with the family, and things from my childhood that still affect me now.

**Then I recently came across an article from the European Space Agency/NASA which broke the camel's back for me.**

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/earth-s-impending-magnetic-flip/

I read it, and started crying and I'm still crying now. I'm only 17. Yet I wanted to have kids, and their kids to have grandkids, but that is just a fantasy now, since the Earth's magnetic field will disappear and without the magnetic field protecting Earth from lethal solar radiation all life on Earth is basically going to get fried. The ozone layer will be destroyed by the radiation, and the atmosphere will be stripped away by the solar wind since there will be no magnetic field to protect us. By 80-100 years time Earth's just going to be a barren lifeless planet like Mars is but humanity will be dead from getting fried to death long before that.

I don't want to witness humanity and my planet die.

I have a bunch of sleeping pills (zopiclone) that I'm getting on prescription tomorrow, since I'm too scared of blood and/or cutting myself.",6.267055986579994,8.290009561752992,6.063300482281402,75.12113650660518,66.92828685258965,8.949549171734118,28.748374921367173,9.414487439383343,2.607784063745021,1124,39,193,23,19,351,135,251,0.185,0.7829999999999999,0.032,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,1,0,2,0,14,9,3,1,15,0,18,7,3,2,2,24,39,14,6,2,6,1,1,2,0,5,4,1,0,4,8,11,0,2,1,2,0,6,3,7,0,0,3,2,17,2,32,26,5,33,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,0,22,122,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562982486541574,0.10281872918532656,0.11164660034059462,0.0,0.0,0.1137817801165344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293455793615626,0.0,0.13736233610764434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937597200707211,0.0,0.0,0.11516869925241872,0.0,0.13877525877247396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843197166692596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260547830178954,0.0,0.06761041895363443,0.09552616014579796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27944267648653925,0.0,0.30397370116392536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648780602097305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793604880207056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889398959618128,0.13065297755223834,0.0,0.0,0.11833373747463433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016964292337744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375137759882375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202762094314233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271937684136332,0.0,0.13387223436503615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318317667063184,0.0,0.2676235197630565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464430138692354,0.0,0.21357025070528785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766886447791486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797040397931404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084291250222196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577373698005319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889667380571354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610819986068939
suicidewatch,Kasterborous2016,2018/02/12,"42 year old virgin I’m a sad 42 year old virgin, I never kissed a woman and at this point I don’t think I ever will. I guess I should get used to the fact that I will be alone for what’s left of my life. I am so ready to get off this ride, all I see are people having fun and being together. I don’t even have anyone I can truly call a friend. I have nothing and have amounted to nothing. I think I was a mistake and the best thing to do is to put me down like an animal. I am on meds for my mental illness but nothing works long term and I don’t have insurance to see someone regularly.",1.4072519083969477,2.2732395343511484,3.7510610687022883,91.50185877862594,77.3206106870229,6.461374045801527,20.733587786259534,6.742157984588678,0.17539633587786252,453,10,109,4,10,158,81,131,0.06,0.8190000000000001,0.121,0.7349,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,7,0,20,5,0,1,4,16,29,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,2,18,5,13,23,4,16,0,1,2,3,3,6,0,1,9,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082359168166156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532684160790398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308978922874002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841773982846547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893844145272577,0.14919373840594194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742887425166335,0.0,0.1723441395876971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169521377295608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792030666045989,0.0,0.11649892750654865,0.08057922749639808,0.0,0.0,0.14596286025942545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832063253600642,0.0,0.1662163421848986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720854144217672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747806142957287,0.0,0.3461444395739573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114345612556391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591750141087987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580588404534846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262864717935989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974944123037158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095759171969009,0.21136820975614026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424514454454478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007511776467325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242630228172504
suicidewatch,LorenG13,2018/02/12,"My father encouraged me to kill myself. I went to go to school and came back home because I was feeling nauseous. I never felt nauseous when I go around people, but this time something was really making me sick. So I told my driver to go back home and when I went back to the house, my mother was there at the front. She asked me why I came back. I told her that I wasn't feeling well so I sat at the table to have some tiny sips of water. Then that's the time when my father went in and asked me why I didn't go to school. Same response. I went to my room to check my eyes (I only slept for four hours) and that's when he barged in. He asked me ""Why were you staying on the *[redacted]* floor of the school?"". I tried to say something like ""I wanted to be alone. I felt depressed."" (In fact, I was up there walking around and crying for two hours straight without anything to drink between that time) then got interrupted and he started saying awful things like ""IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF, GO KILL YOURSELF!"" and ""GO KILL YOURSELF! GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! GO ON THE FIFTH FLOOR AND DO IT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KILL YOURSELF!"". My mother didn't do much. Just sat there next to me to wipe away my tears. That really left a scar. I hate being in this abusive household. It's awful, and I know some others are having it worse than me. He told me his story that he ""had bipolar disorder, PTSD, and anxiety diagnosed by five doctors"" and how he's ""fighting through it"". He said that if he can ""fight it"" then maybe I can (I mean, people cope with things differently, y'know?). Supposedly, he didn't like the meds and said that he feels better from ""God"" and by his family. Meaning that his family is the one putting up for this nonsense. He yells at us all the time as a ""joke"" and pinches me and my three year old sister ...as a JOKE. I've never seen him not argue with my mother on front of me. He could just be less selfish to take his damn meds even though he ""doesn't like it"" for his family. He attempts to drink secretly but gets drunk and then caught anyways. Anyways, while he was babbling about his little story of the past and how his parents influenced him to become a psycho (He never told me about that, but it's like his parents really influenced him!), all I did was just say ""OKAY"". I told him that he was escalating this problem and that he was just contradicting. He wanted to make me feel sympathetic and heed his dumb ""kill yourself"" advice as advice to ""man up"". Oh, what the hell. I can't even tell them jokes without them turning them into serious conversations or lectures, ask them for advice, talk to them personally or even ask a simple question, yet they still ask me to ""express myself"". I really can't tell who is more pathetic between someone who is trying to prove two people who just think they're right all the time, or parents yelling at their fourteen year old daughter because she cried and walked around. I feel terrible and I just wanted to end it. I can't even approach to talk to them when they're in a ""good mood"" cause I'd ruin it and they'd leave me standing alone. This happened twice. It's like they don't want me near them but they also keep pestering me about ""not visiting them"". I don't want to go to foster care and lose everything I have. I go to a psychologist, but the office is two hours away from my home and I feel terrible afterwards. That's not overall rewarding just to get sick and forget about everything they said. I don't know what to do now honestly.

Update: Nice, now he barged in my room again and asked why I am mad at him. What a fool. The reasons are obvious but he's too dumb to see it. He proceeded to tell me that ""IF YOU COMMIT SUICIDE, YOU'LL GO TO HELL!"". He just doesn't ever calm the hell down. I don't want to see him ever again. I have siblings and I fear that they will go through the same later in their life.",3.01898326898327,4.623432777348782,3.951016731016733,88.70276705276704,74.5083655083655,6.838095238095237,24.04504504504505,7.507097639713082,0.9762195624195624,3016,91,630,37,63,970,299,777,0.235,0.69,0.075,-0.9995,4,2,4,0,4,3,126.0,1,5,16,4,49,49,19,1,25,3,47,13,2,8,12,112,121,59,8,14,26,10,8,6,0,2,6,8,5,2,40,35,4,1,17,6,1,26,21,29,1,8,37,20,108,19,91,77,10,107,3,3,4,1,110,34,7,10,51,420,148,5,0.0,0.05334524165562722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198872675956086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326110946302847,0.0,0.03600511230247567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034442697017470866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03705033509624344,0.12024083265062613,0.2946349182670157,0.0,0.08460173441760274,0.13848053722929354,0.0,0.05489156480707043,0.049724691415671714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981944515880094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298930900881946,0.045904249333584654,0.04625132563390028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035947437036795565,0.0,0.0989119496371043,0.0,0.0,0.0387784975335747,0.04569769613039363,0.0,0.04703975997695334,0.051600596071103205,0.046083249666430064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821137602090501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039877275257893696,0.0,0.0,0.11894984542869852,0.0814522949183997,0.0,0.0,0.08092806785963362,0.0,0.12733186510097946,0.05066372347336677,0.13659078282499934,0.0,0.08645884652829909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041623310220178025,0.04704562616079558,0.0,0.3070533095547477,0.03776340326606927,0.03600924152516557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981395058741274,0.0,0.0,0.044451182064575115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548610591494192,0.0,0.13301662733362446,0.05195083684814862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001877279955615,0.34868123184383193,0.0,0.0742308755009351,0.0,0.0,0.04767316796843018,0.04891794115260966,0.0,0.031801284364635064,0.13197664471296686,0.04512516907933991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050369549973040016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010679730942953,0.0,0.04523195081368983,0.0980871333667874,0.1000214607099752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03309730186490409,0.0,0.10417422082582843,0.0,0.04788278442209543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944887475767524,0.0,0.030508949529033092,0.034242244253986864,0.0,0.0,0.1499791210058275,0.0,0.04297982904123352,0.0936404502234521,0.039312604081345584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308121225666218,0.05262982185118688,0.045260846436199466,0.05043639384518015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442153765491678,0.04629144531020321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844964745429275,0.12848238974819953,0.1074129925399549,0.0,0.1366979329767858,0.07175547297671102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038148091278489095,0.06932226340828132,0.0,0.0,0.03186771954292638,0.04798884134012895,0.035955661104013034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924817654818795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033851914205712465,0.07237603724818559,0.1180570314850756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598229524833775,0.028849109120429463,0.04423515819803011,0.0,0.1312672252977691,0.0,0.0,0.2151084363730976,0.0,0.061135723045146174,0.04897241559343634,0.13194364960131394,0.0,0.05415747964722623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244724462350909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040481348787783485,0.1669481800843233,0.16250608125032334,0.0,0.0,0.08680169837302162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045882583488736785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057987050953832386
suicidewatch,Teddytears,2018/02/12,"Worse at night Does anyone else’s depression get worse at night?
I’ve always been like this, and I can’t pinpoint the reason... there seems to be none at all. Sometimes I’ll be fine all day, but when it starts to get late my mood just plummets...",2.8122000000000007,4.2932444200000015,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,74.8,5.8000000000000025,20.5,5.985473137389443,-0.1726000000000001,191,4,43,1,4,58,40,50,0.13,0.8059999999999999,0.064,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,7,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,5,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,7,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346857286277255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257776524134354,0.2382359750841813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499509758636635,0.0,0.20026220630236374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347277885751236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942339032791196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429558000198424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262283612962654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359359667351178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436393438308721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390610147471573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167015146699705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299602689985797,0.0,0.16457315861621247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738990927820929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thenakedzombie,2018/02/12,"I recently got the news that a guy that I went to high school with died. I wasn't particularly close to him; he was more of an acquaintance than anything. He just dropped dead suddenly and unexpectedly while he was at work. He was only in his late twenties, the same age as me. 

A few of my friends from high school texted me about this guy's sudden passing. All of them said things like ""This is really an eye opener about my own mortality"" or ""This really goes to show that you should live life to the fullest, because you never know when you could just drop dead suddenly"".

All I could think was, ""I wish it had been me that died instead of him.""

I have a beautiful wife and an adorable dog and a great apartment and yet all I can think about is how much I want to die.",5.4437562724014334,5.279872974193552,5.591182795698924,85.65121863799286,67.64516129032258,9.469534050179213,28.835125448028673,9.150863307647796,1.9110716845878133,601,18,135,10,9,190,98,155,0.127,0.752,0.121,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,3,1,1,9,4,0,0,10,0,14,2,1,1,4,25,22,9,6,5,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,9,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,2,20,4,18,9,8,21,0,0,1,0,16,7,0,1,11,92,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274362317983214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440095694621199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472855323373912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821593556509912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196441201796576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385534538250398,0.1707332234027876,0.0,0.30667064396674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32723527765708416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510677013092773,0.0,0.17468834096153088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109381894529393,0.07565656398661293,0.0,0.13674383808994225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383960283756188,0.0,0.11943724771615548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777768175943562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984140127970431,0.0,0.1529051436717754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730691422377926,0.0,0.0,0.3134523062194442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288181766410834,0.19845551990264573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134018707398006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355637351368275,0.0,0.0,0.17808086375602908,0.0,0.0,0.11273961184064668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NintyDan,2018/02/12,I don't know what I'm doing I think I'm sleep deprived and all I can do is think negative thoughts. I want to kill myself. I almost did so with my shotgun without thinking about it. There's no point to living. Every day is just a reoccurring bullshit cycle of moving forward to the next pointless step. It's all meaningless. What's the point,1.0385507246376804,3.603743869565221,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637684,88.56521739130434,4.8057971014492775,23.608695652173914,6.42735559955562,0.8515043478260873,273,11,52,3,9,90,50,69,0.285,0.6970000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9643,0,0,0,1,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,2,13,15,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,7,13,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24377312732758774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700067796264022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511133489086567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693337519462944,0.0,0.13378997651849234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149647420405809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587415183067833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589045283478361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602648873195551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436189396382216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679655797105281,0.0,0.19326665070933732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358906424274712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467048802917986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bubalusbubbles,2018/02/12,Lost. I am completely lost and terrified. I'm about to graduate high school and go off to college but I think if I continue to live at home I will continue to want to kill myself. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I have no idea what to do anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm still traumatized by childhood events and I can't stand it anymore. I might kill myself. Who knows.,-0.06894678492239592,2.2437591341463445,1.8514190687361456,95.06619733924614,91.8048780487805,5.9086474501108635,22.088691796008874,7.348242739294969,0.9337170731707318,307,12,69,6,11,101,52,82,0.326,0.6579999999999999,0.016,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,14,17,6,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,13,0,12,13,0,11,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,2,5,47,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496114060126441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368724407082136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201327553703813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498704987310548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951787515112849,0.18530054705394627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853914209517724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087556067947464,0.0,0.20304697290882426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312111448585698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40331205255717617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597070702574584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695792893807409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475266477090136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836835222182775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895930172044936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awaste789,2018/02/12,"Waking Up For a while now, everytime I wake up, I wake up with tears that are almost leaving my eyes. I don't know if that sounds dramatic or not, but it is what it is, my eyes are wet with tears and my inner self is super down everytime I wake up. I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't live in this reality. Whenever I wake up, I feel like I'm dragged back into this harsh reality. I don't like this place. I always hope I'll wake up to another reality and everything that had happened in the recent past was just a nightmare. But it isn't.",2.129453860640304,3.169797745762711,4.523333333333333,85.9848493408663,75.77966101694916,8.295291902071563,24.975517890772128,8.841846274778883,1.6160760828625231,426,14,98,9,9,150,67,118,0.094,0.7709999999999999,0.135,0.8273,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,13,8,8,0,0,17,19,7,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,13,4,15,16,0,17,0,0,2,0,1,12,0,4,7,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561416406884663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128418463033679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682232535513025,0.0,0.0,0.253679804516004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669048716078585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989196042670024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933758612368662,0.18273992612581005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619858338265106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540620501908666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405781862373465,0.0,0.0,0.2708498629430495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24993693276870815,0.0,0.2258715811708587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441851737825075,0.0,0.0,0.2672512250721166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25256660228876143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684986523950355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087445816221653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,petty0000000000,2018/02/12,"I almost did it I'm at such a low point right now. I'm ashamed. Something set me off and made me feel empty again. So I tried to hang myself. I don't even know why I try. I just regret it afterwards. Why the fuck do I try when I know that I won't do it? It's always a specific thing that sets me off as well. It's disgusting. I shouldn't compare myself to other people, but I still do. I know it's not healthy. I know it just makes my self esteem plummet. Though I am a rather homely girl. Maybe I deserve to feel like shit.

It's so petty. I don't think I should be here right now. Being in an eternal state of nothing sounds incredibly tempting. I've been sleeping for most of these past few days now and I feel it's a taste of what it's like. Nobody will remember me. Then at the same time, I want to remain here. I think I'm just really dumb.",-0.8086933019976499,1.2432793081081073,1.5793889541715629,98.065464159812,91.05405405405406,4.5146886016451235,16.151586368977675,6.046907544983943,-0.6260223266745006,652,15,157,6,23,220,106,185,0.157,0.787,0.056,-0.9448,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,18,10,4,1,7,0,14,4,2,2,0,27,30,9,0,5,6,0,3,2,0,4,0,1,1,2,16,2,1,0,10,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,3,5,26,3,14,21,3,25,0,2,0,1,2,9,3,2,14,103,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593300694922465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239591216493946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261561314960553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509354863065662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413590370896808,0.1136713462534808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470986821724043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596046984837295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34978041246378194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547049968010287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055787542039115,0.10621008549116642,0.0,0.15985178308945003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267454081405504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189268173331846,0.11030987807102152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041452125056795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193274743004764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024557724773588,0.27176562558823864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599100192505806,0.0,0.1633286265305948,0.0,0.0,0.15922929244790665,0.0,0.0,0.12249402484599953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706895095705034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057085251919874,0.2039081423853613,0.15632907239231644,0.0,0.09278087567561724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240846623932795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384978498216297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306293823689395,0.0,0.2871519620913753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,directordenial11,2018/02/12,"If you read this, don't worry, it won't take long I don't need to vent, I don't need your pity, I don't need support. 
All I want is to feel like I said goodbye, but there's no one to write to. 
This is my note and if you found it under the thousand identical ones, if you are reading it, it's yours too. 
Knowing it exists will comfort me when I fall asleep tonight for the last time. 
Thank you for your kindness, your boredom, or whatever casualty convinced you to read it. Thank you for being someone to write to.",2.677222222222224,3.6758854259259266,3.7694444444444457,92.08250000000002,74.37037037037038,6.511111111111113,26.462962962962962,6.6274283507984215,0.8457185185185185,398,14,91,3,8,129,65,108,0.102,0.6990000000000001,0.199,0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,10,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,10,1,1,0,1,16,22,7,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,1,0,3,2,2,18,7,11,17,1,7,0,1,0,0,13,1,0,4,6,63,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322634996931377,0.13171868145180532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021594276598156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199985855524104,0.10132855870436028,0.1502915392102144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090077094612968,0.0,0.0,0.16316749095361344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101387429113773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24987671470926284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532794913809136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538437050918165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562216967192977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092283832148738,0.0,0.0,0.13862825890307431,0.0,0.0,0.339498407055884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751147946012783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087500970105508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872433893872637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hidden_Hidden,2018/02/12,"No Motivation to Live This is very unlike me to write something like this, but I really don't know what else to do. 

I started having suicidal thoughts back in 8th grade, when something happened that triggered my now anxiety issue. Before than I was pretty social in my friend groups, but the anxiety caused me to shrink back into my own world. 8-12th grade for me felt more like a dream than reality. I really didn't care about anything that was going on, even though it probably didn't seem like that to anyone around me. This lack or caring caused me to not really develop any discernible skills or interests in life. This resulted in the shrinking of my friend groups, and the relationships with my still friends feeling empty. My grades were abysmal, and my parents were definitely not thrilled. I was pretty much on autopilot for all of high school. 

I kept telling myself that I could possibly fix all these problems when I got to college. I thought that I would get to college and be an upbeat student, join a bunch of clubs, and get my grades on track. I also started to plan for the future (I was thinking about law school), and realized that I had a huge interest in Disney (possibly working there in some capacity). I know my interest in Disney is really strange for a male in his early 20s, but it's whatever. 

My first semester in college went really well, actually. I was able to make Deans list, which I know isn't too difficult, but it was something. However, I still didn't really make any real friends. I commute, and it's really not easy to get to know people. I also don't drink or do drugs, which was the common pastime of many of the people I did meet. This same trend continued into my second semester of school. In my second semester, I had a speech class with a professor that really got on my nerves. At some point in the semester I felt that anxiety from high school come back, which I think was because of that speech class. It was much worse this time though. I had to start talking to a counselor at school, but I just lied about everything to her so I could get it over with. The reason I mentioned Disney earlier was because during these semesters I had been applying to their college program. I thought that getting into it would be the one positive thing I needed to happen in life to turn this all around. I got rejected every time. 

My anxiety continued to get worse with the lack of people I had around me. The more time I had to myself, the worse it got. I came back for fall semester, and thought I'd give it one last shot to try and meet people. I joined this academic fraternity on campus, which really isn't my style, but I thought I'd give it a shot. To my surprise, I actually met a group of kids that I really liked in this fraternity. A group of us started to hang out and watch movies a couple times a week. I was actually getting super excited because I felt like I was finding a place where I could be comfortable. I started talking to one of the girls that was a part of that group, and developed feelings for her. I knew I was dealing with the issues I talked about above, but I was kind of pressured into talking to her about these feelings by people that were a part of the movie watching group. We talked about it, and started going out. This was a huge deal for me because I never dated anyone, and thought that this might be the thing to turn my life around. 

It seemed like everything was going well with this girl at the beginning. Our dates would be extremely long, and pretty fun. Our mutual ""friend"" group was pretty excited about it too. I was terribly awkward around her all the time though. I often said stupid stuff, and struggled with general communication skills. The one very negative aspect to this relationship was that it caused my grades to drop a good amount, which were the thing I was the most proud of before. It didn't matter though to me at that time, because things seemed to be going well with this girl. Winter break rolled around and we had been going out for a couple weeks and were about to not see each other much for a month. We agreed to meet up a couple times over break. However, every time we were suppose to hang out she had an excuse to get out of it. She pretty much ghosted me for the break. With a week left in the winter break, she said she was in a weird place and I deserved better (which I know she didn't mean). It took me a little over a month to ruin this. I've already had a relatively low self esteem, but this just made it worse. I had gotten her a Christmas present, and I tried to give it to her when we got back to school to maintain our movie watching group, but she has no interest in talking to me. Ruining this relationship hurt, but the fact that I ruined the first friend group I made at school, and for a while, hurts most of all. My grades are continuing to drop, and I just got rejected from the Disney program again. It just seems like I have nothing left.

I don't really have anyone to actually talk to anymore. I have always had suicide as an option in the back of my head. I always felt like that would be the way my life ended anyways. The other day I wrote the note. The only thing stopping me is that I know it would crush my family. It's also not for any one of the reasons above specifically, I think its just a culmination of all these failures in my life. I ruin most of things that seem like they are going well in my life. Also, I feel like I just don't know who I am anymore, and I've wasted so much of my life already. It would be easier to end it, than to continue this. My motivation to live is gone. 

Also, I know this all seems really stupid to someone who is actually having serious life issues, but it's hard for me to really explain what I'm feeling. I just needed to write it all out. Sorry for the long post. ",5.41765270506108,5.921282418848173,5.969856020942405,80.6109969458988,67.7434554973822,9.298603839441537,29.005671902268762,9.2995712137729,2.3170520069808034,4596,150,906,84,72,1491,372,1146,0.127,0.731,0.142,0.9709,3,2,5,0,0,1,124.0,9,0,2,11,56,56,2,3,64,0,87,11,1,13,10,173,177,51,3,14,26,1,10,10,6,7,9,4,0,6,90,54,1,2,42,3,0,14,20,19,4,9,76,18,136,37,158,83,29,140,0,9,4,0,77,62,0,17,66,659,226,31,0.03352701058628321,0.0,0.16358763001396062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399577976779081,0.13405769126437694,0.05579431720121561,0.0,0.0,0.06839855066656167,0.0,0.10259228532417283,0.0,0.06649957105020815,0.07032859603126054,0.0,0.02758987302607244,0.17907688536486988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468120985196784,0.0,0.10218877233468336,0.0,0.057058033255831614,0.0,0.0,0.029651916319951507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834596841317591,0.06836604350167844,0.1033244259366674,0.0,0.02888055093568365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030576950639898,0.11129099855936804,0.0,0.021622148207769563,0.06912975149672675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032843706508320615,0.03888068815869775,0.0,0.028007515252806016,0.0,0.059389960070972664,0.0,0.0,0.02214427429147248,0.0,0.05649590485410633,0.0,0.06026383056165802,0.0,0.031606281753217766,0.0,0.08476131963188957,0.0239517030618542,0.12876475160076556,0.0,0.030643080282853636,0.0570361161548224,0.0,0.0,0.15541731126970054,0.0,0.14013183404001392,0.09648649070600857,0.11432503647868145,0.028120865801531125,0.16088767869933096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929564947359485,0.0,0.03003361610930455,0.0,0.034408385404314894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084625489004323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717827165094849,0.0,0.0,0.1049804653838003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0349132222502225,0.14740454568917094,0.027328988418314715,0.0,0.0,0.07285439020141145,0.0,0.18944895270871948,0.1637960385773954,0.033602872469168835,0.0592099291819928,0.05934069867073006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344813613188682,0.04475907981569574,0.033991126462099154,0.0,0.03652074330841184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03556686000249685,0.0,0.0,0.05352187996726487,0.0,0.12323105224099302,0.04971970706104081,0.02585809743878268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03217007088601458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359385029559695,0.025498802335826756,0.0,0.0,0.03722777760186646,0.07261297056322777,0.0,0.11621703848103865,0.0,0.07005718040443062,0.0,0.0316938618915516,0.07559333382025224,0.032109608419936424,0.17054511472063966,0.03614778798203954,0.032080821209390334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038161078043918925,0.2792173993666709,0.06894270159685421,0.0,0.10798638670866237,0.0,0.0,0.06378372935145353,0.0,0.0,0.2375178724449136,0.026716686680574118,0.18313038750778127,0.03497598401080707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03417656513671418,0.028407327270496118,0.07743219219257542,0.0,0.037530743454558715,0.1423835439332863,0.0,0.053549427925621784,0.02803008209028975,0.0,0.035049710959219146,0.038380405854289014,0.07334621585475858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188634187900656,0.02930408501522137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364313646074122,0.06444826386701089,0.13176047070037106,0.1597002084125109,0.15639895591951053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03724974238006407,0.04552527883462335,0.07293551998885713,0.0,0.0,0.0403288656633654,0.0,0.0,0.055326589932559726,0.0,0.02661218044950332,0.08068003672263911,0.0,0.120579235796692,0.031079874706230182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02440806301158307,0.0,0.13666755232027752,0.14289975830141127,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ch3ckraise93,2018/02/12,"highschool dropout 24 year old need to finish 2 class french and english but im too depressed and have ADHD from all these years doing nothing,,, I also have GAD and probably BPD should I just end it I cant even take adhd medication cause of my anxiety, and my all or nothing thinking is like fuck no im not going to work minimum wage job all my life since I cant even play video games because of how depresse I am. I want to be RICH fast any tips with how to deal with my stupid mentality without ending it, I also dont have any friends and hermit

I know the reason why im the way I am, I feel broken to the core, I was literally raise to be this way.My parents are overprotective, emotionally neglectful If that make sense, they alway bough me whatever I want,my dad is an alcoholic workhorse do he didnt raise me, my mom is an alcoholic probably BPD because she was abused by her dad, I moved around 10 different schools/town,I lost my friends everytime,I told them I didnt want to move ,they didnt care and thats how I learned helplessness because my dad was too focus on building his business to raise me and my mom is going to sleep drunk everynight ,they also use to fight alot and I developed an eating disorder with stress, they dont know shit about diets so I ate crap all my life, SOOO because of that I was bullied in highschool, escaping in video games and didnt care about the future because I alway though ill just kill myself later, same logic used when I started doing speed, it gave me anxiety, I already had dysthemia, THEN at 23 I started weed everyday,I quit 6 month ago and was given klonopin/zoloft , to deal with GAD and depression, now im detoxing from klonopin because I started thinking about long term (just now) the plan was to kill myself ,now I feel I want to try and live before.. but the plan screwed up my life and I think the only thing left is to kill myself , I cant finish highschool because depression/GAD and adhd and all kinds of shit probably bpd too , I cant think for myself, no ambition , no future plan , no friends... self fulfilling prophecy",5.5851566265060235,5.7803822626506065,6.096048192771082,80.92334939759039,67.33734939759036,9.146024096385544,32.50361445783133,8.954980946260402,2.606785060240964,1649,66,326,26,25,535,205,415,0.265,0.693,0.042,-0.9988,4,0,2,0,2,3,44.0,0,0,5,7,25,26,10,1,11,0,34,18,4,8,5,60,63,29,3,6,9,6,2,1,3,1,8,0,0,1,9,20,6,1,11,6,2,4,16,17,0,0,16,2,54,9,36,44,8,36,0,6,0,2,26,7,5,3,25,196,63,9,0.0,0.079929609805377,0.0,0.0,0.24322307768650886,0.0,0.059799624407362036,0.14418942405055032,0.0,0.0,0.07444429132193511,0.16184430820918858,0.11226500800100313,0.0,0.0,0.09175084755371543,0.0,0.1032141292384928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005410878369235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28786287720575154,0.0,0.057403879833194525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548922504075403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756086292862882,0.06930047172275038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909753706455066,0.1743107771470994,0.0,0.0,0.0704818188765268,0.07731552771498368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812630533270675,0.0,0.0,0.06902888857996338,0.0,0.07588393369818858,0.11949988237156413,0.0,0.0,0.08911399064327655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822006759098646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563593441807294,0.06236610504427328,0.0,0.0,0.07667866417713781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914754774191025,0.0,0.06694409381430119,0.0,0.22390500024874235,0.07024968441009317,0.07414900536151046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329598343656638,0.0,0.14294794652825327,0.032957771514808096,0.0,0.05956881907330184,0.059700381196792225,0.0,0.0,0.0736410573351724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503037859129085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795931278189324,0.06798427334143803,0.0,0.0,0.1580177427811947,0.05384629281405389,0.14339957840954726,0.0,0.0500210737491888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946025497136396,0.0,0.07078840108705269,0.0,0.0,0.05130671709672286,0.0,0.0,0.07490685360053202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820134615432574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175249942084043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936058486448311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037596876856597,0.0,0.13849437844732618,0.05580398678164725,0.0,0.06750917569263187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432465751058004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727572506174757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072186777397929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044817729763696496,0.1729037465132883,0.06627955605248814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446135719523077,0.0,0.04580122178200556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652834947207905,0.0,0.0,0.15915970047155373,0.10709394077942176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060872569240526926,0.0,0.0,0.0650294727896108,0.0,0.04911201582416104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868846444904129
suicidewatch,throwaway120444,2018/02/12,"Unapologetically fuck you all Fuck you for wanting to brag about me on your social media when I get into a top college so that your followers know your friends are smart but being conspicuously absent when you know I feel terrible, fuck you for texting me for academic advice then never texting me again, fuck you for offering to be there for me but making it clear that you feel my problems aren’t as important as yours, fuck you for knowing how much I care—how open and tender to the touch this wound is—and stomping on it.

Fuck you for looking at me with disdain, fuck you for seeing me as lesser because I’m not as thin as you, fuck you for seeing me as a sexless inanimate object because no one that average-looking deserves anything beyond platonic relationships in your heads, fuck you for using my ideas to make people laugh because you know your delivery is funnier. 

Fuck you for crying on my couch but never even half-assedly returning the favor, fuck you for texting every single girl in my friend group except for me because anything I have to offer sure as hell isn’t visible to the human eye, fuck you for knowing my insecurities and joking about them because we’re friends and that’s what friends do.

Fuck all of you for making me feel this way, but fuck myself most of all for allowing any of it to happen. I wish I had the courage to commit suicide.
",24.47290076335877,8.231181862595424,20.87958778625954,38.69632824427481,52.89312977099237,23.55541984732825,69.193893129771,13.662883650711644,8.911165496183205,1096,44,193,17,5,356,135,262,0.272,0.583,0.145,-0.9952,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,23,1,1,10,29,15,1,6,0,9,18,2,6,8,39,44,19,1,3,6,0,5,0,4,0,2,0,1,2,10,6,0,0,9,1,0,1,6,18,0,1,1,9,45,11,46,41,6,20,1,0,4,14,35,11,15,1,7,142,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463409258058521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449794514171931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108859969220614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160054017888246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743711165592238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265488803998582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368677259776597,0.0,0.055728259946111976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033153799772657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440741312560576,0.856072848021729,0.034556943969097746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848996269855925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788171465133347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466730188453695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817520858506878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108678282964496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324527312922523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862265419380968,0.0,0.10202698970848573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482015207226221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585517019234275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632898383788503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101273912014416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541468193694364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674243738877156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234961531765845,0.0,0.06233891611506101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712624322883252,0.0,0.0,0.03901280590756438,0.05250116848831979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760610898238951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jagste,2018/02/12,"Let me out Just let me the fuck out.
I know I'm fucked. I know I deserve it
I just want out I'm too weak someone something do it for me",-3.4290909090909096,-1.9314629999999973,-0.143272727272727,107.84509090909091,103.24242424242424,2.64,15.690909090909093,3.1291,-1.5651163636363634,103,3,30,0,5,36,19,33,0.308,0.655,0.037000000000000005,-0.8885,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5714791381232072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397246761410514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.632110679635457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26188256303444885,0.2379449588208719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230344909478866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,another_throwaway_5y,2018/02/12,"I met a girl I had a lot in common with and fucked it up because I'm a retard. This valentine's day might have been the first one I actually spent with someone and I spent pretty much the whole weekend with her but because I'm a dumbass who can't read social cues I missed opportunities to ""make the first move"" and then reflecting on those decided to make it at the worst possible time. We were cuddling in bed and since we'd just gotten in I thought she was still awake and slowly made physical advances (touching) but it turns out she was fucking asleep and she woke up and was crying and I was trying to apologise and explain and I just got out of there and felt like I was going to vomit in the middle of the empty street at 2am. I spoke to her today via text and apologised to her and she said she forgives me but I don't forgive myself. I'm a fucking idiot and I deserve to die. I can't face her again knowing what happened.",2.611509067357513,4.229939823834197,4.093649611398963,87.19778011658032,75.63212435233159,6.690284974093263,25.53400259067357,7.413659706084162,1.199155699481865,738,26,153,9,16,245,114,193,0.181,0.7340000000000001,0.085,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,4,5,10,4,0,11,0,14,7,2,3,0,38,39,18,1,0,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,7,20,0,0,8,2,2,3,3,6,0,3,19,4,26,4,23,18,4,26,0,1,0,4,20,13,3,2,11,110,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.15906758775286384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873044813128565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905133644859175,0.1051235645736568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691715633663364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565086127155712,0.0,0.0,0.277300839029378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520814330127112,0.0,0.0,0.09263846218522184,0.0,0.1303685316735968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414317154052494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958228345483027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796351189199263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857947246511002,0.0,0.15423754780623172,0.21761177344867152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729206121531981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324658122865932,0.11982609085142355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045517163210034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376159095828845,0.0,0.16583283222168113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304728847878935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550533491583593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483791285966595,0.0,0.0,0.16616121199114528,0.1381120633338333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017454811448112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940631530656185,0.09504846363941122,0.0,0.15450795281251398,0.0,0.0,0.1106684577156299,0.17730064958362368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198722650415206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leageofthrows3,2018/02/12,"I'm lost... All my life, I've been going everything to meet the expectations of those around me. As I got older, it just kept adding to the stress that's pilling up. Depression also joined in when I found out my ex cheated on me and led me on towards the end of our 3 year relationship. Now at 24, graduated from university and unemployed, all I do is look for jobs, apply, occasionally get an interview only to get rejected or never replied back. I'm starting to get really low on funds that I tried getting a part time job but even then I don't hear anything from them. I'm at the point that I only eat once a day usually and get two meals in a day once a week just to save money. I'm also an immigrant to this country I'm living in since I finished university here. I got my work permit but I can't get proper health insurance till I get some work for at least 6 months. All of this has added on to the stress and depression.


During the rest of the day, all I do is play video games that I already owned. I feel it's my only escape at this time. I avoid hanging out with my friends that were classmates because I'm ashamed of my self since I'm here just rotting away while they are successful in their careers. The past year or so, I made some friends online in a game but due to some issues, most of them stopped talking to me and started putting words in my mouth. I tried to make newer friends online but after a few days to a week, I just get ignored even after I start thinking we hit it off pretty well. Being alone online where there are lots of people just really adds on to everything that's been pilling up.


I posted here because I used to believe in never giving up. In games, in school, everything. This is the first time I feel defeated. I'm really close to giving up. Sometimes I wish that I just never wake up then all these troubles would go away along with me. I'm too scared to take my own life even tho I'm really close to just accepting it might be the logical decision. Another thing stopping me is what my family would think, especially my mom. We weren't close when I was younger and only really started talking about life the year I graduated from high school. She keeps telling me to not give up, she does not know that I'm having suicidal thoughts but her words are keeping me together. 


I don't know if what I wrote made any sense or if there's any cohesion to it. I'm just let and my mind is just not at a good place. I don't know who else to talk to. I guess I wanted to let it out and see if it helps.",3.766724137931035,4.5629537758620735,4.916724137931034,85.63818965517244,71.58620689655173,8.405363984674329,26.95210727969349,8.680891452615391,1.731104980842912,1989,65,430,34,36,657,245,522,0.117,0.8,0.083,-0.9338,4,3,0,0,0,0,45.0,3,0,4,6,30,23,1,5,21,0,28,10,2,6,8,94,85,30,1,8,23,2,2,0,3,3,6,1,0,1,25,21,2,7,12,5,2,5,11,14,1,2,14,5,59,9,74,63,16,87,0,6,2,0,33,41,0,13,40,281,84,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103573945791873,0.075687771375393,0.10969844949938944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328340763045137,0.07191974556202198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644148918834585,0.06105722245533405,0.0,0.0,0.12888001865685092,0.0527393863275475,0.0,0.08362034118022799,0.0,0.0,0.07727437987573155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693249159129829,0.0,0.1181482512153294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060021192804702424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018191246584271,0.057295873302491786,0.0,0.060747974194632924,0.0,0.0,0.13590375897976711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492547996939795,0.0,0.06465798549243999,0.0,0.06935958133728691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834030715283645,0.0,0.0752024147168998,0.15897109213625332,0.0,0.2866721926715022,0.19738551231672188,0.07795946607258109,0.05752775815982025,0.10971103019412287,0.0,0.07555662387885585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290507363189003,0.0773028517467671,0.0,0.045972609462460894,0.07246622928696386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158730302175143,0.1361245886709579,0.12192705552755075,0.0,0.0,0.11308132965988404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027028584310133,0.1453356772331095,0.0,0.0,0.06056382670935233,0.0,0.057596042851537424,0.0,0.07487112057153036,0.0583104545733887,0.0,0.1297978894692425,0.04578254341929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276026759518968,0.0692536029279186,0.08032859589701466,0.05474571424554248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586962207810504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460864340706943,0.0,0.20865487492360665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427334277880007,0.0654743216180437,0.04754978549361516,0.0,0.0716591117803625,0.0,0.06483715099371692,0.0,0.06568765701687801,0.06977792351225236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894916248795671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196938460920526,0.0,0.0,0.0736370729475728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866783457305381,0.1388279824574966,0.05465518384245748,0.0,0.0715514936053603,0.0,0.0,0.11347221709988276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783457581149258,0.0,0.19418572526991096,0.0,0.0,0.11468407801315278,0.15713299992468094,0.0,0.0,0.07502335449786872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156910037880478,0.1653835780389325,0.05994830769963985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556634261248321,0.08789592192807036,0.0,0.05445064074762351,0.11998138734533699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313252477503724,0.0,0.06699980853163298,0.0,0.0,0.0592373902483229,0.07553920134206027,0.0,0.040454556043028264,0.0,0.11003316122774304,0.0,0.0616682036478261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887198957863098,0.0,0.0,0.09986471654109257,0.0,0.0,0.09744487473796952,0.0,0.0,0.13250388293276044
suicidewatch,DoomUnit_X2,2018/02/12,"It's been a long time since anyone really cared and all I can think about is ending it. I don't think I'm going to commit suicide. I can't go through with it, I'm too squeamish. But I care about nothing. 

My experience with people has taught me that they only hurt and never help. Once you're down you stay down because you are useless to someone unless you have someone.

It seems like people don't really care about other people, they only care about the stuff you can do for them.

I don't even have words for this feeling. It's just nothing. No one cares. I don't care because no one cares. I feel like if someone started to care I wouldn't even believe them. There is literally no point in having an opinion because they all lead to suffering.

Music is boring, food tastes good, people just want you to hurt and go away. Everything is just fighting. Small fighting, big fighting. The thing is, I don't like fighting, I just want peace. There is no such thing as peace. Even love is just fighting. ",2.5015869218500804,4.730935479797986,3.2540085061137702,90.29399521531107,78.04040404040404,5.3805422647527905,23.047315257841568,6.339386263674448,0.5150262626262627,787,25,156,6,19,248,102,198,0.168,0.599,0.234,0.9091,0,2,0,0,10,3,26.0,0,5,5,1,16,23,5,0,4,0,23,3,0,1,4,28,46,7,1,4,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,2,0,5,0,0,4,12,10,0,2,2,3,22,13,20,43,2,17,0,4,0,1,17,7,0,3,8,106,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099380220454417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195620621803554,0.0,0.0,0.15952525450906946,0.0,0.0,0.09827923798379462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7115008978131988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772605955881988,0.0,0.0,0.1728453582305548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839741660132324,0.08532845875799433,0.0,0.0,0.08821302495944547,0.06231769954716634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054798272392926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872581827686052,0.07316505475624993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846896517789065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676474689775974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278496851692182,0.0,0.0,0.07719651126960853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872920094612622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727776905425048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740060668825804,0.0,0.0,0.09289795300412798,0.11821969260132932,0.13268590535487554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189940790831346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246129963061584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176456578947903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941164237322637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721582175543962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173111630631884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174240782503811,0.09297642428044306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985839396677662,0.09541633492104196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590453231368525,0.11178794631371447,0.0,0.0,0.05086497982686696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029019695085296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bulbacactus,2018/02/12,"I'm 21 and so hollow and empty I'm 21, unemployed, no school, dumped from a 3 year relationship last month. I moved to another state with my family a year ago when my dad was relocated for work because I couldn't afford to stay in where I was. My anxiety and depression has already been overwhelming the past few years, but it got to a point I had to quit my stupid job at Subway because I was constantly dissosiating and couldn't stop myself from going to the bathroom to self harm over and over again. It got to a point that my mom wanted me to quit and get help. I'm trying, I've spoken to a few doctors and counselors and tried some medication but nothing helps. Every time I go outside or around people I dissociate and have to claw my skin to stay present. My boyfriend lived in my last state and made no effort to visit me ever even though I visited so often. We were together for 3 years, last month he dumped me because he said he doesn't think he ever loved me. I left him twice because he was rude to me, but he always begged me to stay before this. I've had time to reflect, and realized for 3 years that guy was using me as a person to vent to and an emotional crutch for when other things in his life went bad. I've never had anyone love me. My friends all live in another state. I've lived here for a year and haven't been able to make a single connection because I can't go outside without dissosiating and clawing my arm. I can't hold a job because of this. I can't focus on anything for more than a few seconds, so I can't go to school. I'm so alone, I'm so empty, it feels like I wasn't meant to be alive. I can't live this way, I feel consumed by my anxiety and depression and ADD. I text the crisis hotline and don't feel any help. I vent to my family and online and nothing helps. I've become so pathetic. I'm so fucking empty and hollow. I hate myself for not having the guts to kill myself so far. Its all I want I want my life to end.",3.7834468775344665,4.229839737226278,5.247396593673969,84.55378751013791,71.33576642335767,8.327331711273317,26.41443633414436,8.401726058763845,1.5631725871857256,1536,46,332,23,27,519,191,411,0.19,0.74,0.07,-0.9952,5,1,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,0,0,4,19,16,7,1,15,0,26,10,3,3,5,54,56,36,1,5,6,2,4,1,1,0,4,1,0,3,11,24,0,2,7,0,0,8,16,12,0,2,18,5,48,4,47,35,8,54,0,3,0,3,25,14,1,3,26,203,59,7,0.07815112664946425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927625840559387,0.0,0.0,0.08094099806223211,0.08624171160855604,0.0,0.06502799792857962,0.0,0.0,0.05314544603795975,0.16389654082844696,0.11957079595559975,0.0,0.0,0.05464508485750807,0.0,0.06431171832496678,0.06957107171904796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652529263775617,0.2858412085978865,0.08631177936214693,0.06650085267623286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445360421168703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462290173443178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999098967250799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790949862657449,0.06921870172809451,0.0,0.0,0.05161808209114162,0.14138433658175908,0.06584569483262741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734785386591806,0.0,0.11854667343776228,0.055831180493710726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060379366587124436,0.07224945727695213,0.04083073810554469,0.0,0.1776603450732437,0.0,0.12500919044572675,0.0,0.0,0.07738190228559842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715805788862133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095322113523516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551058685658534,0.0,0.08646264258490788,0.0,0.0,0.19111079673371748,0.0,0.0,0.08491142777175335,0.0,0.11040090391182147,0.03818069291504243,0.0,0.27603550650596265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106888604968296,0.07394848565091287,0.05216648389196128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872903818381521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915296549942128,0.12475896737272582,0.08306227963473628,0.0,0.0,0.06027496673620139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997622753540482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460409337121736,0.054180151074210016,0.06823854936083368,0.0,0.0,0.14775615072049686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624668600806153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390506277883919,0.0,0.0,0.07433961787156766,0.0,0.0,0.15818622491756426,0.0,0.0,0.0815286692227947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498961080101657,0.0,0.06533784125475653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192013593783836,0.05007608635278992,0.07678308513815567,0.0,0.0911411008480301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611897004060464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749748121002629,0.0,0.0,0.13828667797117694,0.06203272669882533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244687736668698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753348972606255,0.0,0.0568949509762361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019605796615164
suicidewatch,misttam,2018/02/12,"Will all this kill me? I’m 160 pounds
[https://imgur.com/gallery/cXrqx](https://imgur.com/gallery/cXrqx)",24.039666666666665,30.005626300000003,4.590000000000003,68.0916666666667,86.0,5.333333333333334,13.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.028666666666666618,93,1,9,1,3,16,10,10,0.413,0.5870000000000001,0.0,-0.7667,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxstoryoftwoxx,2018/02/12,"What's the point? I've been questioning on going on and living this life I was given. To make it my own and to make something of it, so it's not entirely worthless. I have always had trouble with rejection, disappointment, and abandonment. I am a computer science student, at a decent college. No friends, I put on a show for everyone to make sure that they think that I'm okay. But I'm really not. Screwed up the best relationship of my life by telling a stupid lie at the beginning of it... I always ask myself why I did that... especially if I loved her so much. And after almost two years with her... everything falls apart. Everyone tells me theres more fish in the sea, but I cannot bring myself to stop loving her. I just want her to be happy, even if it means me being unhappy.

I fell in love with her at first sight, and we grew through some hardtimes... but many good times I feel. It's been a month since we stopped talking, and everyday I miss her more. It's as if I have had another half ripped away from me. It seems that every night, I go back and think of her and all the memories I cherish with her. And it just destroys me more, even as I write this. I just pray that she is happy, and she isn't feeling as bad as I am. 

In essence, I feel as though I am a failure... in school and all of my relationships. I have no friends, and I never can maintain a relationship with anyone. I just wonder if this world is meant for me. This just drives me crazy with each day. I feel as if my mind is going to explode.",2.7987486602357983,4.074085556270099,4.147351286173635,88.40833668274388,74.46623794212218,7.627063236870311,25.49852625937835,8.212053250817874,1.3770031082529477,1172,39,259,19,24,387,160,311,0.111,0.722,0.16699999999999998,0.9731,0,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,2,0,1,2,12,22,3,0,12,1,20,6,0,3,4,62,47,29,0,6,15,0,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,19,21,0,3,11,1,0,9,7,10,0,3,8,5,49,12,41,37,10,37,1,5,1,4,27,15,1,10,13,191,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971456144334912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182335443477295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148895453046674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661112212228448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242945629227602,0.0,0.10294090049007094,0.08424952101080227,0.09148306612723572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498279841745584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066103108991117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447346710546545,0.0,0.09231411354201592,0.20939009154545649,0.09847089114356143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215995259741559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319681694290427,0.0,0.0,0.16930090013893764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680671502548776,0.0918987953270618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332701721292081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477946743159018,0.0,0.0,0.09674881992661674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966628842737167,0.0,0.2194085458129609,0.11108276664464016,0.0,0.1193495370369842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063046579102576,0.0,0.08745456714144688,0.0,0.0805436456171763,0.0,0.08450408393700751,0.0,0.0,0.10282030555040234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357532188561837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110144131705077,0.12273903923214237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019081028862273,0.0,0.0,0.3528987663569013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088668108781964,0.0,0.09974480704423387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906341598224608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434928986247349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320422957077115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326469525330018,0.0,0.0,0.08806503199396529,0.19153109509978294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404109876298433,0.10764807718359287,0.0,0.06388883854453853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070300996971808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462488865839408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886630844024567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881969570139203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055693695931058
suicidewatch,goldbone69,2018/02/12,I have no one I've been with my SO 3 years in September but i rarely see them we never even have sex or hang out its been 2 months since we've hung out not counting when i stop by their work to say hi. I feel so alone with my thoughts and sicknesses. Ive begged for them to stop by because I've been sick as hell for nearly 4 days and crying myself to sleep all of them. Its shitty bc i only live my cat and the pure isolation has driven me to self harm again. I think about ending myself constantly on a rather regular basis. No where to go no friends are willing to help. Im lost for any answers. I think this is my end goal now i think im finally at peace with everything.,2.2397882938978846,3.2341360547945217,3.649377334993776,92.53852428393526,75.43835616438356,7.226899128268991,22.17683686176837,7.686295010490155,0.6271452054794522,528,13,125,7,11,174,101,146,0.244,0.655,0.1,-0.9791,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,4,4,9,4,1,0,2,0,10,4,1,0,3,24,19,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,9,0,2,6,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,6,3,21,1,23,12,1,23,1,1,1,1,10,7,1,1,13,78,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805132148160836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185240551366911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062463537766272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834696833532413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145079996928924,0.11240346446131268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087407043023401,0.0,0.0,0.11511775446292948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664177471519275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812691400860466,0.0,0.0,0.1909275908913708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346570197073758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905375768238203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682377900027655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376529007390255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390240383639264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902595337837783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911764629014367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442418896439498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181042900273592,0.13255638129107053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860343079083667,0.0,0.0,0.1388875940062627,0.0,0.18182382888049492,0.0,0.0,0.14417555766518486,0.0,0.1744171629006832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29143064840813704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350364666617989,0.0,0.13836781717422472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126886136239974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223787756385137
suicidewatch,stratow,2018/02/12,"New feeling towards suicide and it kind of excites me So, long story short I've been on and off depression since I was 8. My strongest memory is wanting to kill myself as a kid. After a long and nasty breakup my depression is back in full swing. I've decided that I will either get better by my next birthday or I'm killing myself.
I went to the doctor, and I've started taking antidepressants. 
Technically I should've stopped having suicidal thoughts but what actually happened is my feeling towards them changed.
I used to fear suicide, or rather, the pain and the suffering I'd feel and the pain and suffering I'd cause to those that I love and/or love me. Today I realized that the idea of non-existence excites me like nothing has in quite a while. That being dead will be marvelous. If I could erase myself from existence I'd do that in a heartbeat, no questions asked. Has anyone else ever felt this way towards his or her own death ? No fear but actually excitement
",4.108790322580647,6.27988120967742,4.930846774193551,80.41627016129034,72.92473118279571,7.8758064516129025,31.51747311827957,8.660442795831766,2.765527956989247,779,37,139,15,16,252,116,186,0.285,0.561,0.154,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,1,2,4,18,2,2,9,0,14,5,0,2,1,30,30,16,7,4,8,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,5,4,21,8,18,20,3,23,0,4,0,2,8,10,0,5,12,94,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.239523152722542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581194396401894,0.12574592911760848,0.0,0.0,0.11473100145417392,0.0,0.0,0.09436769721809707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085399990300866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607204393289248,0.12982642997906674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798566417858597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114051598608039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561390180475776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102520715544083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101149169939424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761987503708047,0.18615984447070366,0.0,0.11783493065887025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411857570463864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852502190595123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854121628423005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715533321916945,0.12779886022498207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995707554442336,0.0,0.0,0.2172149451208297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152761545394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852825270219282,0.1305190806653767,0.0,0.0,0.11775763242716282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611754069058269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747971919761842,0.13053279486277095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151911665641357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686515431056442,0.0,0.0,0.1026033208129016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027226155555114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227367986674496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742968087437093,0.0,0.0,0.11632863898035947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059947127982432,0.0,0.0,0.07238619107266653,0.0974131320556183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376700021912628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theowawaye,2018/02/12,"Please help I’m begging you please I’m almost 19 my life is going nowhere I’m depressed and anxious and have had to trade my memory and my energy and sex life for any semblance of a normal life because every time I reduce or stop my meds I try to kill myself, like now. Doc took me down to 30 mg of cymbalta to try and reduce side effects but apparently 30 isn’t enough to keep me from wanting to leave this planet. I’m a problem drinker and drink myself to sleep almost every night. Fucked up big time at my job today, scared I’m going to get fired. Boyfriend says he loves me but is emotionally distant and doesn’t know how to support me. I think we should just break up sometimes but I don’t want to let the depression voice get the better of me because we do have some really good times. My life is going nowhere tho and I can’t stop thinking about what my bosses would think if they figured out I hadn’t show up for my shift because I was dead. I just want to be gone. All I do is fuck things up and happiness never lasts and I’ll never be okay or normal and I’m a horrible person and I’m done trying. Goodbye.",2.5010998650472374,3.984452893162395,3.887516869095819,89.12678137651821,75.62393162393163,6.464777327935223,23.426900584795323,7.0608816371341465,0.7423623931623928,883,26,188,9,19,291,131,234,0.189,0.6809999999999999,0.13,-0.9671,2,0,2,0,0,1,12.0,2,1,1,2,6,14,3,1,5,1,21,10,1,3,3,48,47,20,2,9,8,0,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,3,15,1,3,6,2,1,5,7,7,0,0,6,3,28,7,25,36,3,26,0,2,0,4,9,9,2,6,12,110,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172911806763271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378271087019074,0.0,0.0,0.1225724392376414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841906335398773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595811960610587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689922421731173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103165087165127,0.0,0.10628723902450367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204622603553147,0.0,0.11210796962450097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282935702195374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006102578567503,0.11337199210280773,0.0,0.18498661951592327,0.0910034068251744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549868689193572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272426765013823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766803468438353,0.09643846546517328,0.12003753161387158,0.0,0.059627946441558576,0.08844077094585615,0.0,0.11488426158809772,0.0,0.11094708273352206,0.3065428397125688,0.05300689402742029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792414598185224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051739108504235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736148719990088,0.0,0.0,0.1018185065711804,0.21261101684924494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473671844047464,0.0,0.238197576269897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381842594778404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950692706418089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628237405362785,0.1086259413776349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857687147354664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730780577675968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141923380373198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312282921925682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208159238152463,0.2085644025777628,0.0,0.0,0.18979907010634411,0.0,0.1028439059576426,0.0,0.1205458425025214,0.2209901092585397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198570599367615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707423218345791,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ashbrandt,2018/02/12,"Not terribly sure how to start Hi. This is my first time posting on reddit, ever. I've kept up with a lot of subs but only now felt like I could be publicly vulnerable now. I don't know how to post on this sub to say, ""Howdy, strangers! I'm new around these parts but lemme tell ya about the increase in frequency and intensity of my suicidal ideation lately!""

To spare all of you from paragraphs upon paragraphs of background info, I'll sum up highlights:

1. History of chronic abuse within family from birth to age 17. My parents divorced when I was 10, so the abuse continued across from bio dad to stepdad. Stepdad was worse: verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

2. History if abuse within interpersonal relationships. This mostly applies to my first relationship which was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. 

3. Cut off contact from family multiple times. Tried reaching out and giving them more chances. At the (current) age of 30, I've decided no more. No intention of trying again.

4. College was rough but graduated.

5. Was accepted to a PhD program, fully funded.

6. This past year I had to leave the program because my adviser intentionally made sure I failed.

So I've got a college degree, five years of grad school with no degree to show for it (all my coursework was complete though), and now I'm working two jobs (one FT and one PT) that I'm killing myself for.

I want to be a writer and artist but can't see my future being anything beyond paying bills, being exhausted, and then dying. I lost all my friends (they're still in grad school and none have asked how I am after a year). I used to run 3-4 miles a day but was in a car accident right before I left school. I suffered a major concussion and was told I couldn't run or go to the gym for months. I've gained all the weight I lost (it took my three years to earn the body I had). I'm on a cocktail of meds for depression/anxiety and to help with lingering brain trauma problems. 

I worked so hard not to end up in this sort of life--the literal stuff of my nightmares--and now I'm here forever. I've got no one to talk to. I'm breaking down in tears on a daily basis. 

Anyway, it was good to vent so if nothing else, a little bit of positive.

Ash
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suicidewatch,notbothered657,2018/02/12,"I can't do this anymore, honestly. I've been depressed ever since I was about 12 years old, I'm 18 now. Every day has been a struggle since, I've never formed any genuine relationships with anyone, and I've never found anything that I truly love. I'm currently in university and failed my first semester, I won't be surprised if I fail this semester either, all of this is causing my parents immense stress, which they don't deserve at all, especially considering my sibling who is a horrible kid who is causing the family nothing but pain and shame by their actions. A few months back I was about to end my life, until someone on this subreddit talked me out of it, but I highly doubt it'll be possible this time. My life has been progressively getting worse, firstly, I'm not the most aesthetically pleasing person this world has to offer, I've been looking worse by the day, losing hundreds of strands of hair a day, at this rate I'll be bald in a year or two, I haven't grown at all since I was about 13 and as a result am the shortest male out of anyone I know, even shorter than a lot of girls; aside from my physicality, mentally I am weak, everyone taking the same course as I is excelling, whereas I on the other hand can barely digest the content, living in another country also doesn't help my case as I'm all alone and cry myself to sleep everyday, barely finding the time or the energy to study. Everyone promises it will get better, but it never does, it's only getting worse by the minute. Additionally, I have severe IBS, causing me to excuse myself out of a lot of classes, leading to embarrassment and anxiety, not to mention all the extra studying I have to do because I miss out on so many classes as a result of my health. Day by day, the concept of suicide is becoming more convincing as I notice no one cares, even though my family does care, they will never understand the pain I'm going through, suicide seems like the only option at this point.",10.557893820713666,7.035744075718018,10.542934725848564,64.9526092254134,59.939947780678864,13.137615317667539,42.76570931244561,10.93419730881044,4.644695526544822,1563,66,281,28,15,525,204,383,0.179,0.695,0.126,-0.9668,2,2,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,3,9,11,23,0,5,23,0,33,12,4,6,10,48,52,21,2,1,9,1,2,1,0,4,7,0,0,4,18,12,1,0,5,0,0,4,12,13,0,4,8,3,33,10,49,37,14,45,0,5,1,1,17,17,0,9,25,200,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972369290575627,0.0,0.06927885927724815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891211862723901,0.09084026173176757,0.06627255429052475,0.0,0.08591477261269519,0.12114895862278265,0.0,0.07129001375538126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661396839113799,0.0,0.052809514407701236,0.09567724356060528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661816784459771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665235998113846,0.2669820096428505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951601953380942,0.2793494630613414,0.0,0.07461523938718319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162291860807756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672944102334463,0.0,0.0,0.11443804887033507,0.07836278956797932,0.07299043801988275,0.16555945686430798,0.0,0.0,0.16333618199794278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917925583809289,0.14737673860942896,0.0,0.09498652953176616,0.0,0.0,0.13578352236578128,0.0,0.04923445047782381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208480812245637,0.0,0.0,0.05806700014616783,0.09153051340351552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761018689654811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238021566630793,0.042323579496812785,0.0,0.07649684835175752,0.0,0.07274830530143862,0.09691804139160044,0.0,0.1473013263256615,0.07818794994810463,0.0,0.0,0.08783033799227716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873037728296223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914811741747519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672609794697888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312487679114368,0.09863008140352826,0.0909047664073409,0.0,0.058703475311010764,0.13177371041534014,0.18436319644378185,0.0,0.0961935843202806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564293490028763,0.0,0.0950949328401703,0.08189439103524257,0.09766354855580987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930093804899539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788656996966526,0.0,0.09786848430524883,0.0,0.2149864231321852,0.0,0.08669366382698658,0.0,0.07340224980207448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923563221970977,0.09056563522578023,0.0,0.18952072495040606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513580573839169,0.0696307965579815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511461578464298,0.0,0.10103058202091686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846259965942619,0.09018603018773033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648534756471977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157517602457108
suicidewatch,NessSniper,2018/02/12,"Tired of being worried I hate not being able to tell if I made my friend mad or if the text messager is screwing up. I might have accidentally pissed off my friend, which I worry about all the time. I feel like just not talking to anybody anymore. I'm tired of being worried if I make my friends mad. Was randomly texting a friend, he reads a text which might have been offensive, and boom. My text only says ""Sent"". It only says ""Sent"" if the WiFi is fucking up or if the other person signed out of their account or if they blocked you. I'm scared they blocked me and I feel like I did something but the next day I know I didn't. Honestly I feel like dying. I hate the feeling of losing friendships of people I've been friends with since 4th grade.",2.6562353540499224,4.470441337748348,3.396953642384105,91.39637799286808,76.01986754966887,5.705756495160469,25.522669383596536,6.297961479604792,0.7198075394803873,586,21,123,4,13,185,86,151,0.236,0.62,0.14400000000000002,-0.8927,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,1,2,19,8,1,8,0,14,5,1,2,1,31,28,12,1,6,13,0,4,3,5,2,2,3,0,1,4,4,0,2,5,1,1,2,3,10,0,0,8,7,21,9,13,15,1,9,0,1,0,2,18,4,3,12,6,76,25,2,0.12109487309399583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009357494617652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780961752167267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567735985672365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24491682532059994,0.259530604602751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467787992818003,0.1119502588786104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391122336626182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655057534793732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748251476626348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547418812325338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145828968730786,0.08083176810734223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25692504777723096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878577132684738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419621546390508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395193773690733,0.10573537233868108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112764308643514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259900695331686,0.12123709313850313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017093038324368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322474946798118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733147200068687,0.10584225655673912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061139432028228,0.2783614856921761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689331651359226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blaktimus,2018/02/12,"I'm tide I don't feel like I have anybody to relay heartfelt thoughts to so I guess the void of Reddit is the place.
I'm tired..tide..whatever you wanna call it..
I'm tired of being the only one to rely on,
I'm tired of nobody trying to understand my feelings even when I verbally express them as best I can..
I'm tired of feeling not good enough for my friends, for relationships, for my job, for my life.
I'm tired of feeling Up and happy and then the crash of feeling low and then being lonely after. I know life is about ups and downs but I'm tired of being there for loved ones when they're down and they're nowhere when I'm the same..I'm tired of being scared for my sister's health, I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only man in my family when there are 3 other's older than me to carry weight...
Most of all Reddit..I'm tired of the internet being my only net between my current life and potential suicide..I want someone I love to be the difference instead..
I'm still here, I'll still be here..
But I'm very..very tired..😞",0.9385821517931596,2.952589330275232,2.889224353628024,91.99745621351126,82.30275229357798,5.431526271893245,20.459549624687238,6.574015621080383,0.23528623853210995,806,23,175,8,22,270,110,218,0.17,0.708,0.122,-0.8681,2,2,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,1,1,14,12,0,1,8,0,13,15,0,0,1,23,38,16,0,2,3,1,7,2,1,0,12,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,9,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,7,18,9,35,30,4,19,0,2,0,2,10,8,0,2,13,106,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905126035387282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880694822144451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901114487917292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911787816646702,0.0,0.0569663987995677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130752117799836,0.0,0.2616593566376084,0.12323205995292835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663546836541039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234124879206535,0.0,0.0,0.09501257654998277,0.0,0.0,0.09181325771306216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167824783222664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558844504600538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047399984890405984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275984883462615,0.08427343639780059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556854903428528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688859146057982,0.19678788164217595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901114487917292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259873815386087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863499128726902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307817419621165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377565155916805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847176867674955,0.0,0.7930407902199486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058557150155816286,0.0,0.0,0.08978785312296378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116414258678264,0.05087166955734543,0.0,0.0,0.1050275812859868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boiifyoudont_666,2018/02/12,"i can’t do this shit no more. since april of 2017, i’ve been completely sad bc i miss my ex girlfriend. she lives in texas and i live in cali and it seems silly to love her but i really do. we’ve talked here and there since then, only to have it crumble into pieces to where she blocks my number. yesterday i just randomly texted hey, not knowing if she would get the message since she blocked my number. it sent, and she replied with “who is this?” and i said it’s me blah blah and we talk a bit and she said she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore bc she hates me as a person as to me being a psycho and all of that, we argue and i somehow got to have a little convo w her after letting her know something about her going around she didn’t know and i told her if she ever needed anything, i would always be here for her and she said thanks and we talked a bit, i texted her around 4:30 yesterday, and she read my message this morning at 10 and didn’t respond, knowing she didn’t want to talk. i was fucking stressed and i went to my best friend, who is like my fucking brother, he was the only one there for me bc most of my other friends betrayed me and i sent him all the messages and he replies with a “lmao.” i went off on him and told him he was all i have and being with my ex was the only thing i want in life. now i’m typing this, thinking of a plan and might shoot my head off tonight, i can’t do this no more, my therapist isn’t helping, my meds ain’t helping, my friends aren’t helping, nothing is. this world is better off without me my mom should’ve aborted me i’m scum to this earth people like me would never get another chance with my ex.

i’m done.",0.3610363690124174,2.3967541544943813,1.951886457717329,97.75470431697224,84.70224719101122,4.533885274985216,20.042578356002366,5.580996634294187,-0.2993022471910112,1293,38,300,7,38,419,162,356,0.106,0.743,0.151,0.9595,1,1,1,1,0,0,30.0,3,0,0,3,12,18,5,1,11,0,33,6,2,0,5,60,65,26,0,9,6,5,0,4,4,4,1,3,0,1,16,30,0,2,6,1,0,5,14,8,0,1,19,3,66,10,36,38,10,28,0,2,0,3,63,14,3,7,11,208,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844243034487533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885313555110313,0.0,0.0,0.09349317693516623,0.0,0.0,0.07757839155076136,0.16784536264928646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893337229130947,0.08337653356816029,0.20584272275699048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884312215082436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964736929405131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527504557615168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850453998199795,0.17430716615716527,0.09850717942421497,0.0,0.05357734240396148,0.0,0.07539848239506122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307476432107707,0.09675097790420814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189566991345018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072392205471575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640021298658663,0.06658758912296328,0.092113749151456,0.09448600198993297,0.16648902535480006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508478363377407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471570664990144,0.0,0.0,0.10000842660266504,0.0,0.11041103547828132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990200532140084,0.07270891047479354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904571888769676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388161473351213,0.21509588715557454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535681340491753,0.08231527688967945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429820181383727,0.0,0.06039349938676365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690247500696413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582231660082748,0.0,0.0,0.09676956184258334,0.2339500307725411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257572272832069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079890482072866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378864087325186,0.0,0.08679362727903314,0.0,0.1094578594878454,0.06263058646328687,0.060406133370227925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016319106939666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681342575381347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478345674371273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087550930593497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090584308850992,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xavierspapa,2018/02/12,"I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts my entire life I am a happy person; I love the life I live, I love the people in my life, I love my job and I love to laugh and smile. Regardless of all of that I am so suicidal. I romanticize death in my own mind and feel like suicide is only a bad day away. I don't think I will kill myself but I wish there was some magic words that would make me accept the life I am grateful for. Why the fuck do I want to die so badly? Why do I think suicide is the answer to every bill I can't afford? Why is suicide the answer to every fucking problem?",2.6157142857142834,3.365279619047623,4.479523809523811,87.88214285714287,74.23809523809524,6.869841269841268,23.523809523809533,6.937597516519254,0.6941333333333328,456,12,101,4,9,156,72,126,0.292,0.491,0.217,-0.9649,2,0,0,0,0,5,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,16,3,1,8,0,15,10,0,1,1,22,28,6,8,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,7,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,1,22,9,11,23,3,4,0,0,0,6,5,3,2,1,2,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217918596801698,0.0,0.18161226844214046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013817250534223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128708329336838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326206454726104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549899482789197,0.07769480927641632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108504795415255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157720409735521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792285573501703,0.0,0.12032162791052048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30726834351421906,0.053132346976073816,0.0,0.09603292390493004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926236235574952,0.0,0.07259500839434599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098118520818641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271330765678471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539723264050209,0.09496093457107772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406413601811904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369465466140588,0.0,0.5948032418890944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393720119863001,0.0,0.08633956147760617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414669470494241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944042319814827,0.0,0.12506322973586925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725664599717087,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway__guy__1,2018/02/12,"My friend just told me he's felt suicidal for the past 2 weeks and I'm not sure what to do My close friend has been battling depression for a long time. His father passed away less than a year ago, and he's a typical overachieving student, one of the best in our department, and is president of our student group. He's lately been especially stressed as he applied to graduates school, and now many of our classmates are hearing back, but him and I have yet to receive an acceptance. He was rather last-minute on his applications and as such, I think he may have had a rather weak application despite his strength as a student. He's been leaning on me a lot and I've been doing my best to support him through this, but I'm not sure what to do or how to handle it. I convinced him to take a T-Break with me, since we often smoke a lot together, but it seems to have a negative effect on our moods.

Last night I was supposed to meet with him for a pregame, but plans changed and I ended up heading straight to the bar we were meeting at. He told me he was close so it should have been an easy trip to get there from his location at the time, but I was at the bar for nearly 4 hours and he never showed up.

Today he messaged me about something unrelated, and I asked him what was up. The conversation was as follows:

Friend: idk im just a fucking wreck dude
like seriously not having a good time


Me: same here


F: not to sound rude

F: but i dont think you get what i mean


M:i do

M: but i don't know how to help you


F: ive been almost continuously suicidal for like 2 weeks

F: and didnt attend any of my classes last week


M: What happened?


F: adolfo got into grad school and i didnt was the local upset that sent me on this spiral

F: but truthfully i think it was kind of inevitable


M:I think you need to take academic leave and deal with this

F: you cant go from the dysfunctional state i occupied until the end of january to fully functioning in the span of a day with a pep talk

F: and after 2 weeks of class i ran out of steam

M: I think the most important thing in your life right now is to drop everything and focus on yourself.

F: yeah ive been trying

M: You're not in any place to be attending classes, let alone going to graduate school.

F: yeah

F: except my family isnt really financially set enough for me to not graduate

M: That doesn't matter

M: Getting a degree does not matter

M: Nothing matters if you truly feel the will to take your own life.

M: What you're trying to do is ultimately vain and selfish, and I know that's not the person you are or the person you will be.

M: Are you alone right now?

M: You should either come over, or I'll come over./

At this point I gave him a phone call and he confirmed he would come over to my apartment.


F:i want to ask you something that betrays my own weakness and makes me look incredibly douchey

F: buttttt

F: do you mind if i bring some weed with me

M: I think that's a bad idea.

M:If you feel strongly about it I'm not going to stop you, but I won't have any.

He hasn't seen the last message or responded. I'm not sure how to deal or how to respond. I'm not sure if I should call someone professional or not. I'm not sure how to handle this at all.",1.5053646630236803,3.250343131851853,3.3051293260473606,91.07544262295085,79.16296296296295,6.6188221007893135,22.91742562234365,7.578289261198853,0.8310602307225263,2494,80,566,37,61,834,286,675,0.123,0.777,0.1,-0.8968,1,2,3,0,0,0,73.0,6,15,0,6,21,33,3,2,34,2,57,8,1,7,8,119,107,48,2,11,37,1,3,2,3,8,4,2,0,2,22,33,2,1,16,3,0,16,24,12,0,1,27,7,71,20,84,69,13,84,0,1,2,1,74,34,1,17,33,351,93,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369001693275105,0.0,0.0719466361713342,0.14882828997361294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465798429054425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433868263499674,0.0,0.06750472696856065,0.0552476312718362,0.05999111501614932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080269118104458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673221639433662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600697001480754,0.18567527723557584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633681644840003,0.1481468249799665,0.06188364591519064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287575490498107,0.0,0.08420677524283571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727420292575747,0.07423947237412833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645734648652906,0.0,0.06773306991249882,0.0,0.0726582700657972,0.0,0.0689865387404536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665316358949989,0.06642346545926606,0.11261478872430905,0.0,0.1225007381289188,0.0602637344122641,0.05746440150984641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353604645211287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373804968151282,0.0,0.08097931635082431,0.0,0.04815903166585589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075702937020657,0.0,0.0,0.0811090474692119,0.07760950957586148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481992795005622,0.07897292756975657,0.2342668837326462,0.08104907328061431,0.07607797191367321,0.0,0.0734707167668242,0.10149848738030523,0.07020381972785254,0.0,0.0,0.06358431724275643,0.060335266671780186,0.0,0.0,0.1221673105392594,0.0,0.0,0.0479599262268012,0.07284385309978944,0.0,0.07826488667915656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254725140419972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532753017373134,0.055414563956007336,0.0,0.0,0.06742564539420717,0.0,0.06894128443914893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868690511447635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858823036091828,0.0,0.1254719716186903,0.0750671644209263,0.0,0.06792075638821367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602846353274842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271771832135885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814580295045452,0.0,0.06540885045689125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943443455140782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087762866455676,0.11062611177968976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006918259789885,0.08230306271066477,0.0,0.0,0.15718281590658206,0.08153366713413285,0.3385852962903708,0.0,0.1620650622508487,0.05774969824364015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047733443074700566,0.27622855458465945,0.0,0.0,0.12568761051503086,0.0,0.06810467927269667,0.1373100574446725,0.0,0.0975618365414848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042378543839135176,0.0,0.2305325087186141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051039639287967765,0.0,0.0,0.046268555476990506
suicidewatch,deetyourheart,2018/02/12,"26 years old and have been unemployed since October. Probably gonna end it sometime this week. I got fired from my job of four years about four months ago. I decided to spin it as an opportunity (it was a management role in customer service) and to pursue something different. I took the first month as a break, decided that no one would be hiring around the holidays and really only started looking a month ago. 

I've felt extremely discouraged and have heard from literally zero places. On top of that, I have to fill two rooms in my three bedroom apartment due to roommates moving out (lease is up in May, I have to find someone to be on the lease with me by April 1st.)  If I don't find someone I have to move back in with my parents. This has been all too much for me and I'm just rotting in my bedroom. 

If there were simply an easy way like an ""on and off"" switch, this would be much easier and I would have done it a long time ago.

I have dealt with depression for a long time and these meds don't seem to be helping, in fact they might be doing me worse. There is a wonderful opportunity in my hands right now and the fact that I cannot seize bums me to no end. I have been living off of unemployment and that will run out at the end of April. I have about 10k saved up with no desire or ambition to do anything. At this point it just feels right to give that all way seeing as I have no desire to use it. 

My friends all have fulfilling careers and I am ashamed to be around them anymore because I feel like a useless and lazy piece of shit. I'm only happy when I'm asleep and to sleep forever sounds wonderful. ",5.395037593984959,5.169933382978726,5.940057590785475,83.31661654135341,67.75379939209725,9.601087825947847,30.08174692049272,9.276330184999452,2.246522188449848,1269,42,274,22,19,412,172,329,0.105,0.7659999999999999,0.129,0.8024,7,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,4,12,12,1,1,15,0,38,4,4,1,5,51,56,20,0,7,5,1,5,2,1,7,0,2,3,0,16,21,0,1,10,1,0,5,7,5,0,7,10,9,27,7,53,33,6,60,0,3,2,0,8,27,1,8,27,190,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735234074427751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200420605226232,0.0,0.0,0.08464063898945821,0.18312494577510385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908890114113486,0.0,0.06269925910700826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858858635871503,0.0,0.0,0.10746125053977604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525604943503984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27329615644924515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401283468688928,0.07347940492967528,0.09875662389337887,0.0,0.18801463082450576,0.08748813943904472,0.0,0.0,0.07946527169262346,0.0,0.0,0.09866758260044027,0.0,0.0,0.08226228465406701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094907209047334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894132484581847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206740053260377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049920386390616,0.0,0.09082256804423326,0.1820463127476192,0.0863720277463008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424836408577654,0.0,0.0,0.10911256295435308,0.0,0.0,0.24629287616141315,0.21863649758758874,0.1512200508521988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079286860892768,0.0,0.06969699400360654,0.15645123999887445,0.0,0.0,0.11420795164231955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746125053977604,0.0,0.09723091947576268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089474279073297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589134263708463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567467182129218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196186441989041,0.0936350389772722,0.0,0.0,0.10557885237575236,0.08508245530902586,0.0,0.10292896180146316,0.0,0.17429687551554016,0.07918255875190963,0.10172590987285833,0.0,0.07280107287136564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995078369699128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427533552843422,0.0,0.0,0.100474078339161,0.0,0.0,0.08883342085384291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328251717723682,0.0825038213048184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230830289407157,0.0,0.0,0.10481770744814672,0.21919504382351973,0.0,0.0,0.13247008517189576
suicidewatch,_swthrowaway0002_,2018/02/12,"I'm so lonely I'm 16 and I've never had any form of realtionship. I am so fucking lonely. I just want someone to love and to give me a reason to live. I know all I'll get out of this is a bunch of ""You're only 16, etc, etc"" but I just need to vent. I have little to no social interaction and I'm stuck in a 24/7 loop of ""My life is fucked I'm fucked no one likes me I'm gonna fail in college, I'll never have a relationship or sex"" and ""surely it's not that bad"" and back again. I am graduating next year but idk if I'll be alive to see graduation.",-1.6573753280839902,0.10351386614173208,2.0206614173228346,95.6555065616798,91.44094488188976,4.961469816272967,14.765879265091865,6.42735559955562,-0.7128379002624672,419,8,110,5,15,154,78,127,0.214,0.6509999999999999,0.135,-0.9001,0,4,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,0,4,0,8,6,0,1,4,21,25,11,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,1,9,3,13,21,5,10,0,3,1,5,5,4,3,2,7,63,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229327404654216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900429790031735,0.15093901097852205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032223172944066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013688533454688,0.09444712397286753,0.17341520550931466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934884172638464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768625234649478,0.08831720425419658,0.181183365431944,0.1596270414980669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315588681018026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404187189465866,0.2788486086672734,0.0,0.1922555461807572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122497361544388,0.13748702066848273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586611470119474,0.0,0.1940839728574028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405373262117865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427665956401154,0.15316949949792302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037766255946735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662538097628416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641273880676895
suicidewatch,12341643635727542,2018/02/12,"I feel like a failure. I'm a teenage boy in my junior year of highschool. And I feel like a huge failure. I am asian and so my parents always set high standards for me. And it worked out well for a bit, I did exceedingly well in school. And it all just feels so empty. I feel like that isn't me anymore. I am extremely depressed and thoughts of suicide float around my mind at all times of day. I don't know if I'll do it tonight or tomorrow, but I feel like I've accepted my fate in that I most likely won't even make it to 18. Everyday I come home, lie to my mom about school and how I'm going to do my homework now. I go upstairs to my room and play video games for 6-7 hours straight. I've been doing this for so long and am barely passing any classes. I've been going to therapy for a couple months, but it hasn't had any real effect on me. Beyond just helping me to hide my depression. He gave me examples of model behavior and how I should behave and I do my best to emulate that. But it doesn't help at all, I just fall into my circle of depression. My work keeps piling up and all I do is play video games. I feel so pathetic and that I'm such a failure. I used to be good at school and do my work, but now I'm lucky if I even start doing any work at all. And I feel like committing suicide now will spare me the failure that I'll see in my parents eyes when I inevitable flunk out of highschool. I don't even know why I'm depressed. Maybe I'm just lazy and hate doing work, so I cover up for it by saying I'm depressed. I just feel like such a failure and I don't want to see what I think of myself reflected in my parent's eyes. I just want to go back to who I was, and do my work and be a good student. But I don't know how.",1.7151859541433438,2.6248734162303724,3.663995306011916,92.25505235602094,76.61780104712042,6.734934103628813,23.905398086297165,7.0983637204850245,0.6722705181440696,1343,41,322,14,29,457,162,382,0.184,0.6890000000000001,0.127,-0.9843,3,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,8,29,23,1,0,9,0,30,2,2,6,6,73,65,35,2,5,14,4,8,7,0,3,0,1,3,1,15,23,0,1,16,6,0,7,8,7,2,0,7,13,50,16,43,53,8,44,0,6,4,0,13,21,0,5,22,206,65,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654027900595958,0.0,0.0,0.16035525745364956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795162128725144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699720480839562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043974369664611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248748221349657,0.0,0.08581253999003967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770827942351187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697112513031516,0.0,0.05069150016731123,0.0,0.33849701896946266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574675649681302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179464617124407,0.3369177978340987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786842993921234,0.1318545095321311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760276222924868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536993038638393,0.08304685795099502,0.07884376803455986,0.0,0.07740669819542857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986467324443166,0.0,0.0,0.12959207638617135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688052447895612,0.0,0.0,0.06955990236702701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246714804107076,0.0,0.07896582635441768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936516335318806,0.09205719075633384,0.06273901097256629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618331735218884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894657771956712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250711104675817,0.0,0.2386469087507421,0.12527052486409987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563458490002556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195468634967204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988772786907974,0.0,0.0,0.05036470239072677,0.0,0.062400854467006425,0.04583319857941045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067886506331924,0.0,0.0,0.0927224667885488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134447449041865,0.0,0.07092567732932098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433372072967688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061682410389457
suicidewatch,DolphinBestiality,2018/02/12,"Self harming for reasons not related to suicidal thoughts? Hello! I have been have been “into” cutting for coming up on a year now to deal with anxiety and (minor) paranoia. Recently I have had some not-that-serious suicidal thoughts, and I am wondering if I should be concerned or not. I don’t constantly fantasize about death, it’s just occasional thoughts like “It would be so nice if someone killed me right now!”

At the moment I personally don’t feel like it is very much to worry about on its own, I am just wondering if it is a bigger deal because of the self harming stuff.

Any thoughts?",6.231694058154233,6.822373079646018,6.787130214917827,75.15442477876108,65.99115044247786,10.704930467762328,37.381795195954496,10.608840637214634,4.144970670037926,470,24,86,12,7,154,73,113,0.197,0.679,0.125,-0.8447,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,4,0,16,0,0,1,0,24,24,7,4,5,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,1,8,3,14,13,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,7,8,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349170308110224,0.0,0.11642187839922635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927711770055408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109476910520054,0.0,0.16445900792632387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31379418041384954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694981754981288,0.10872171343139143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168371267927894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870079109965484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187422550283477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288295076293716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647256119621533,0.15026532153391614,0.0,0.0,0.12996601799638902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175263905688648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894670942098502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421656722674303,0.3329335805827545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832747591857285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556939354687802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33007846439573063,0.0,0.15455227685628728,0.0,0.10810857256746577,0.0,0.0,0.09800279855338312
suicidewatch,sendcatpicspls,2018/02/12,I need help. I feel so broken all if the time. It's like at any moment I would end my life if given the chance. The only thing getting me up in the morning is the fact that I can't abandon my mom. She can take care of herself and she has my dad but she would miss me so much so I can't. I just need someone to talk to. I need help.,-1.798845598845599,-0.09227048051947764,0.9258874458874472,103.66279942279941,91.46753246753245,3.4222222222222225,15.049062049062044,3.1291,-1.490095526695527,251,5,68,0,9,86,52,77,0.054000000000000006,0.7809999999999999,0.165,0.7474,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,2,14,16,7,0,7,4,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,16,2,6,13,2,6,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,2,4,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247748757739133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436004025416378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116170168581651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080787785697625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248286774859485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202933628852087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876009922894966,0.1167268979992957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798265795278673,0.0,0.0,0.17563768440570066,0.5314805435840895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171355822820293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244074408240426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964219101788734,0.19203921275243946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873144118183138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393193413999059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394515450687827,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VnillaOne,2018/02/13,"Am I a bad person for doing this? So I've been experiencing these thoughts for a few years now but only in the past few weeks have I given actual consideration and feel almost ready for it. I've been talking to the Suicide Helpline for help and I feel like I'm doing something wrong.



TBH, a lot of my problems stem from the fact I've been alone my whole life and have never experienced another person in the form of a relationship. When I call I like talking to a woman  because I just feel more comfortable and I can feel like what it's like to talk about my problems to one. When I end my calls, they ask if there's anything else and for me the most difficult part of the conversation comes because I ask her if I could just hear her say ""I love you, _____"". I know it's pathetic, but I don't get to hear that ever and even though I know it's not genuine at all, it does help. A little at least.


The most recent one ended with me asking that and I caught her by surprise. She just paused and said ""Uhhhhh..... we all love you here and are rooting for you!"" 


I feel really bad for asking that now and it's been on my mind since it happened. I know I made her uncomfortable and I can't believe I'm being so self centered that I've been asking to hear that sentence. 


I'm here mostly asking if I'm abusing this helpful service and if I should stop asking that or just stop calling entirely. Any help with this or life in general is appreciated.",3.9387966101694936,4.656302701694919,5.2825000000000015,83.46103813559323,71.13559322033899,8.069491525423729,26.614406779661017,8.238735603445708,1.5302508474576269,1127,35,239,16,20,378,147,295,0.146,0.685,0.16899999999999998,0.8140000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,1,28.0,1,3,1,0,17,14,0,0,13,0,18,4,0,2,5,59,50,25,1,8,13,0,5,4,0,1,2,5,0,4,18,16,0,2,10,0,0,2,4,6,0,2,10,12,37,8,27,37,13,24,0,0,0,2,40,8,0,11,18,166,55,1,0.0,0.09727794853539252,0.08012012371084233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221371930338425,0.08503335185230236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583246464071035,0.08609155160729086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756330047164051,0.0,0.5372827927359275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137104191470173,0.10009775287551048,0.0,0.0,0.0925013181151458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25150726760900044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072396958152602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555210589576146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718483856901442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858604121523801,0.0,0.14543675911382292,0.0,0.0,0.054227877608111014,0.07426634416910427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756726575908244,0.11730797812996925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042895128585497995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260290357733237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776062011290762,0.0,0.22012610023188225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536403740248815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598274214420105,0.1604443914622013,0.08228819926786965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698005460102791,0.14820128871714874,0.0776873000066587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290004481895878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332245187320948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126945647048543,0.06244259414511987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890892581610654,0.07837605506642302,0.0,0.14337734193070206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712186574390838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259691602308948,0.0,0.08106624010905196,0.08814727883608453,0.0,0.0,0.07809820776089889,0.06529114397736235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565073549922933,0.0,0.0,0.06791597466111518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632064581853512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728260776853518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980672755488754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797245850179665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066521603598356,0.0651801547869977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585761326270513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916644258411672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976611345042422,0.0,0.05287127008272774
suicidewatch,Anonymous6622,2018/02/13,"I want to kill my self cause I can’t fit in anymore I know I’m a stupid bitch. I just feel like killing myself everyday ya know. There’s this anime club in my school. And by god I want to kill all of them. There’s only like a few a get along with. But everyone else treats me like shit. One girl stood me up on a hang out and basically acted bitchy and catty with me for a long time. Another basically shot me down disrespectfully for a hang out. One person usually says something under his breathe. Two sexually assaulted me, etc. I’m just done. I want to kill myself. I don’t care anymore. I’ll kill my self to make them love me and then I’ll be happy ",0.03534526854219777,2.2842702753623243,2.368635976129585,92.53906649616371,89.0,5.855754475703325,18.262574595055405,7.285733465282438,0.2876329070758743,510,14,117,9,17,173,85,138,0.248,0.586,0.165,-0.9666,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,2,0,4,16,9,0,6,0,4,3,2,2,1,21,17,6,5,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,9,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,9,0,3,2,2,22,7,19,14,3,17,0,0,0,1,10,9,2,0,8,68,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293915126743657,0.0,0.0,0.2447514390096305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581049217443355,0.12676172960449086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627699660980524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308156207553452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761920886385154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791020937650908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239274817756976,0.08815415947110594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446934072412483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313573848410979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6825972078077243,0.0,0.1356304789046925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085522438464965,0.0,0.0,0.10920161710917227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136974865358518,0.0,0.08236781847335052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672327077207809,0.09384825294592923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774466721350273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812948803626008,0.0,0.12488338571925812,0.0,0.0,0.25745797400586584,0.0,0.12666426732791392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949963043144762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195322638247334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054000618404208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590331071782866,0.0,0.21834655392919453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quickyour,2018/02/13,"I'm done, bye I've got everything set up, and I guess this is my last hurrah before I go.",-0.9285714285714306,0.4208773333333369,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,85.19047619047619,6.104761904761905,15.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.3832095238095237,68,1,18,1,2,25,18,21,0.0,0.816,0.184,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655145768307923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43957778199987135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860509602071801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441226060860253,0.0,0.34354959001946844,0.0,0.47319667149067796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501397810942945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,henchman642,2018/02/13,"Need advice urgently for a friend So this might be a bit weird but basically one of our friends has recently just told us he tried to commit suicide using Xanax ( which on its own isn't really possible but nvm) and he is telling us that he is going to try again at some point. We have all tried to help him but it hasn't worked and our friend is not in a good place ( depression, not in school , somewhat bullied) and we don't know  wether we should tell a teacher tomorrow about this . We want to protect his privacy but id rather tell someone who can physically stop him over him just killing himself .
Please we really need help and we could be running out of time as we speak ",5.638166666666668,5.703952992592599,5.763101851851853,83.80020833333336,67.22222222222223,9.712962962962962,30.949074074074076,9.516144504307137,2.468129629629629,534,19,113,10,8,169,93,135,0.15,0.679,0.171,0.1508,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,11,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,4,0,14,1,0,1,2,34,21,10,2,6,9,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,7,12,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,1,16,4,15,15,5,15,0,1,0,0,30,8,0,3,5,76,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418816033033544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851391564193465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592535499000466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505512111912714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33652887752535243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251692574205598,0.12178158695343864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946405532152116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063531689526753,0.0,0.07979466041725007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402757100810938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531857772401733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983870088124806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169651367331613,0.15937908183117738,0.13725497732100814,0.16368408107886426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860296043288628,0.0,0.14336126252435835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694377599635378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302215090114152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138843460519567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588183419895916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807170806075784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846636141298228,0.0,0.0,0.1387388025598114,0.0,0.2957309747559243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34930028791995943,0.12540073908980318,0.0,0.0,0.08563900614256435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570274290232803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iadrummer,2018/02/13,"I don't want to lose my house I'm afraid of going outside, I don't feel safe anywhere, it's the middle of winter and we're going to have to live in a car and freeze. My dad wants to rent a storage unit and live in it. I have absolutely nothing, I'm so fucking depressed I can't even get out of bed to eat. No one cares for me, I'm going to lose everything I have and there's no help. Everytime I think things can't get worse they do. I keep having panic attacks just imagining what's going to happen when we get kicked out. Why is out so expensive to simply live. My dad got a job last week and quit already, he was mad because it was only like 200 a month and that's nothing compared to what we need, but anything is something. I wish I could get a job, I wish I could leave the house without curling into a ball and crying. I wish I had insurance so I could check myself into a hospital without the promise that doing so would make things even worse for myself and my family. I'm only getting in the way, I don't do anything for society, I have no friends, and I'm completely useless. Why can't I just own a gun so I can shoot myself. Please I need some way out, I'm going to go insane if I haven't already. Pl,ease.",1.6027897293546154,3.034838328244277,3.6919500346981273,89.80452463566971,77.93129770992365,6.290353920888273,23.741151977793198,6.980632752743323,0.7683755725190835,950,31,210,10,22,325,128,262,0.142,0.721,0.13699999999999998,-0.0463,3,1,1,2,0,0,26.0,2,0,1,3,11,14,3,2,12,0,25,2,0,1,0,41,57,17,0,12,6,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,17,1,2,3,1,3,7,12,9,0,1,4,2,31,5,27,49,2,24,0,4,0,1,8,10,1,2,6,132,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670941329521006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414626304380774,0.0,0.0,0.10655029455427063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570934754412977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954912887322403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819936713409898,0.0,0.0,0.22433655744937225,0.0,0.10287968629251913,0.0,0.0,0.080668102808335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583623408461607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372137873276284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417440222546757,0.0,0.08829308885119143,0.0,0.047356653869231234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236048084835704,0.08658596081907105,0.24466403091918046,0.0,0.3193703923334881,0.0,0.07490741988874705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282208088156727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627774537217028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613913454058334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588361995537356,0.08324815771067366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763443426047983,0.0,0.0991710421876637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575691092203467,0.0,0.2481070493655684,0.0,0.0,0.20956026117911344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251791086850095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475748239432523,0.0,0.0,0.13889348160192108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797361011501353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346556039339865,0.1424633266142995,0.0,0.1098883069230045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280912963498788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996175582732465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210304456334392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444535988143997,0.06001271448025468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104846581265737,0.14868383641569738,0.07512736135271733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169024821783397,0.0,0.3231086553671183,0.1805672930528188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089243768543926,0.06653245471387857,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProtonRequiem,2018/02/13,"I am done. Life is not worth it. I'm a fucking worthless toxic waste of a human that deserves to die. I will never be happy. I only make the lives of others worse, I'm nobody's favorite. There is nothing for me, I cannot fix my life no matter how much I try. I cannot be a good friend for others. I give up. I have a suicide plan. I intend to go through with it.",-1.3892592592592583,0.5089024814814849,1.6998641975308644,97.30238888888893,92.08641975308642,3.24,16.741975308641976,3.1291,-1.0238898765432096,275,7,65,0,10,97,56,81,0.35,0.602,0.048,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,3,1,7,16,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,11,3,9,12,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661388196284241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242181595953434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981208777569217,0.2370698253767931,0.0,0.24599561109620416,0.1457377971070603,0.21508533008459432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272979595612426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622549427809314,0.0,0.0,0.22643661209216698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117220935490274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850907176892626,0.0,0.19777831387671405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460560910249962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503020838229332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804980322959633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410238529720184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613289524060453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SickOfLifeFromStart,2018/02/13,"I want to die. I am a 14 year old middle schooler from Texas and I've singlehandedly ruined my entire life. I can't make it farther. I can't express anger and all I can do now cry out my misery.


I'm flunking school at the moment and my mom keeps lecturing me that I need to do better. But I can't. Middle school has completely destroyed me as a human being. I used to be a kind, out-going skinny kid with lots of friends. Now, I'm an absolute emotional wreck of a human being. I'm fat, lazy, quiet, and have no friends, no social life, and I dread interacting with any other human being I don't know. I was bullied endlessly in 6th and 7th grade and now I'm just the ''weird kid'' in 8th grade. I dread going to high school.


Everyone laughs at me when I'm serious and look at me funny when I'm joking. My teachers are assholes with no little remorse, my friends are shitty role models or social outcasts like me I only hang with is because they like my presence, and the bullies... They are the reason of my first few cutting attempts. Just today, an old friend of mine attacked me because of an accident I caused and ended up leaving a nasty bruise on my right shin. I ended up being sent to the nurse because I was crying hysterically due to the pain. What does my mother think it was when the nurse called her? Horseplay that got out of hand because of me. Bull fucking shit.


I'm so sick of being told it will get better because it won't. The demons that twisted me in the blubbering husk I am now always find their way back to me, resulting in me crying uncontrollably in my bathroom and desperately thinking of a way it will end it all.


Cutting hurts too bad, don't even know to tie a noose, don't know what to overdose on, drowning takes too long, and hell, I've considered setting myself on fire. I rejected that idea because it will be too slow and painful. But other than that, I can't even bring myself to do it. I have so many friends online I don't want to lose yet so many reasons why shuffling off my tattered mortal coil will be my enternal freedom.


My crippling depression is incurable. Nothing in my life will mend the torn wreckage of my spirit. I could care less if I'm breaking my future because I couldn't even make it in the present.


In fact, at the time of writing this post, I'm currently in the bathroom about to take a shower and I have bugged four tines by my mother, asking me what I'm doing. I told her the truth and she just thought I was lying and walked off. When I want some attention, I don't get any but when I don't, I'm annoyed to death.


Guys, for the sake of my mentality, break the mold and truthfully help me here. I don't want to die but don't want to live. Save me from my fate.


(2/13/17 EDIT: I'm currently in a much better mood. I decided no matter what, I will now fade from reality and end it up. Thank you guys for the advice.)",2.7184499431171822,4.301714865187719,4.172956484641638,86.88893415813429,75.26279863481228,6.726336746302617,25.518913538111487,7.413659706084162,1.200533674630262,2245,78,463,27,48,745,269,586,0.147,0.7340000000000001,0.119,-0.9342,3,1,0,0,0,2,71.0,0,1,3,6,26,42,9,3,29,0,49,11,4,7,5,69,92,33,5,9,9,3,2,2,5,7,7,1,1,7,22,24,2,1,12,1,0,5,18,23,0,2,9,4,74,18,64,66,7,72,3,6,1,1,34,30,3,4,33,300,96,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270364364491648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190746231075973,0.0,0.0,0.10119025042711696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955474573669829,0.08464170087096289,0.0,0.057209656523255985,0.0621215969899985,0.3174784474450433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740450111423224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597158020687274,0.0,0.07585661898419478,0.07643016141335338,0.0,0.0,0.07800786936772597,0.0,0.0,0.05940301985863219,0.0,0.2451775005211625,0.0,0.0,0.06408133789112555,0.0,0.15443265932588926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510867993698226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369093538693415,0.2635882576694502,0.0,0.0,0.14742316725423674,0.0,0.0,0.0710931947918894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680010235040573,0.06328531987357758,0.0,0.0,0.2874095374614893,0.06878238137145515,0.07774274038594013,0.0,0.08456742839305982,0.0,0.05950515156961447,0.0,0.0,0.14733706562954654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986931741091194,0.07860857654457094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964764226522454,0.0839894967407868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613088863322303,0.0,0.07747702988489072,0.12266627428798685,0.0,0.0,0.0787797511309032,0.0,0.0,0.15765454917206725,0.07269698846434433,0.07456919146142042,0.06569730831255892,0.06584240565582783,0.062477970603804264,0.08323551340408958,0.0,0.06325293694431988,0.0,0.0,0.09932628216459648,0.15086155622363806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497855145695717,0.0,0.0,0.0871373692466198,0.0,0.0,0.05469318098910849,0.0551672830744192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138961639150683,0.0,0.1561423403558302,0.0,0.0,0.056585194469959875,0.15833548726818528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125544223084991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299291808937907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353791423146096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22589287850875495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637139716681203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168458181732244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111880350733005,0.0,0.0,0.06849830105935649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534611328371262,0.0,0.05906595945762129,0.043383730434908514,0.0,0.07052330062164479,0.1421863895837788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425844108979452,0.0,0.0,0.219417727165852,0.11811185373903052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713518937233515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047911704189482915
suicidewatch,joeblowfromidahoe,2018/02/13,Where can I get cyanide Anyone know where to get or how to make cyanide easily... asking for a friend,7.174499999999997,5.945243450000002,6.370000000000001,85.01500000000003,64.5,10.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,1.9539999999999995,79,2,17,1,1,24,16,20,0.0,0.8420000000000001,0.158,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358729683986432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796233949945248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963736382069883,0.0,0.5360847298793181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819535139895432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34245836254155554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gamefrump,2018/02/13,I though about killing myself today And I almost followed through with it. My dad just got home about an hour ago and I can’t not tell him. I have an urge to but I don’t know how I should bring it up. He knows I need to tell him something but he doesn’t know what exactly. I just can’t bring myself to say the words “I thought about killing myself” in front of him. ,-0.10895921237693074,1.9661854177215192,0.9776371308016892,103.68758087201128,87.22784810126579,4.017440225035162,17.638537271448666,5.033348758259628,-0.9520390998593532,284,7,71,1,9,88,49,79,0.121,0.879,0.0,-0.8689,1,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,18,15,6,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,2,1,16,0,11,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,3,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015509114813477,0.0,0.2276794825421465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184957485988534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807192187811856,0.0,0.22391489985527352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031052433590155,0.0,0.3748719100869777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859291521208164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081475940158234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750415115007478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39746502241241694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339111770931872,0.18050739024660287,0.0,0.0,0.2155213775190302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2007warpedtour,2018/02/13,"Dumped the day before Valentine's Day, a month away from the one year death of my best friend. I'm done. I just got dumped. Just as in maybe an hour ago. I thought this boy was the love of my life. But I guess it just became a pity relationship after my best friend hung herself almost 11 months ago. I feel so stupid. My (now) ex and I had our one-year anniversary about 2 weeks ago. Today he told me he started feeling bad around then but still fucked me and said we've had an amazing year. Thinking about that makes me want to throw up. 

On top of that this semester, which should be my last, hasn't been going great. I've missed a lot of class and haven't really started my senior project or put much effort into anything. I don't have any prospects after graduation because I haven't done any internships or work experience related to my field.  My best friend's death happened right as I was getting back to life after being sick with mono. I don't really have any close friends. Mine all graduated from their respective colleges this past year and have their own lives and things that I'm just not really a part of.

 I have nothing and I want out. I don't know how I'll do it but I just know I've never seen myself living to be old and might as well get it over with now. 

**update:** Earlier tonight I took an xacto knife to my leg, nothing deep because I'm such a baby I can't even hurt myself properly, but there's a collection of red scratches that will leave scars. I also tied the rope of my bathrobe to the metal bar in my clothes closet to see if it could possibly work as an exit route, but my feet touch the ground so it probably won't work. Same with tieing it to my bed frame. My body started to freak out so I guess I was doing something right but it was too easy to back out. I just want everything to stop.",2.2832709447415347,4.117501462566846,3.2171657754010714,92.1830035650624,77.15508021390373,6.458467023172907,22.028520499108733,7.348242739294969,0.5929814616755795,1433,40,314,18,33,456,203,374,0.118,0.758,0.125,0.1798,0,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,1,0,2,8,24,21,4,0,16,0,30,10,3,2,2,54,61,26,2,6,16,1,4,0,4,4,4,1,2,1,16,16,1,1,6,1,0,4,10,9,1,1,15,8,43,12,43,38,9,55,0,3,3,2,16,18,1,8,33,198,59,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358801890945847,0.0,0.08881970813276592,0.0,0.0,0.07093293534236414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095604684010688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299210739065119,0.07896133504845315,0.0,0.0,0.08333607331760848,0.13640883704153764,0.07406035375447577,0.10814074914115453,0.0,0.07547671725370544,0.0,0.2792538691685082,0.0,0.0,0.09852511701375327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081931048106745,0.0,0.0,0.1144076424350811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815407103633752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585851644059303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971736564303318,0.08676510325791398,0.0,0.0,0.08969823586063723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741159667255189,0.08200123215224757,0.09268362588540778,0.0,0.05040995375492889,0.0,0.07094107023953143,0.09779148050682136,0.19542493593096916,0.0,0.07843664974617635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735111231659337,0.0,0.09495461880708177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749381973094357,0.07230190786388915,0.0,0.0939199331656524,0.0,0.0,0.12530211980400854,0.0,0.0,0.156646516834663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540911877812935,0.08005473612124415,0.0,0.05920758601401716,0.0,0.08911054117878278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409612224011292,0.0,0.0,0.14159814387794867,0.0,0.0652043174721198,0.0,0.06841050059874937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021907035656342,0.0,0.0930751745215623,0.0,0.12021011494845722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605288397479486,0.08467368213702414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999532681812186,0.0,0.0,0.095633032447309,0.0,0.0,0.08916746785369309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046945824024176,0.0,0.0,0.09523003758079923,0.0,0.15149772809482476,0.08437350940683708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706819948561559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828518665372768,0.0,0.0,0.18834582746391526,0.0,0.07083551254768755,0.07415672990483686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058927987570822925,0.056835039833594024,0.0,0.0704174725737208,0.0,0.0,0.08407672766064186,0.08475614618650051,0.09854837655506174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695173931078074,0.0,0.07114936579779887,0.0,0.07975147729057627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372281505489106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22847820617516865
suicidewatch,metaler1,2018/02/13,"What hope is there for an adult in his mid 20s who (1) has no friends or (2) can't find work despite being bilingual and everyone telling him he'd never be out of a job. That's me. I don't see how there is any hope for me left. I've been lied to all my life being told that I would become great, that I was so skilled at what I did and that I would never find problems with employment. But I send applications, try and contact possible clients, no one gives a flying fuck. I'm not having to rely on my mom get by because funds are basically out, after almost 10 months without consistent work. I'm done with this. The world clearly doesn't need me and I don't have the skills necessary to be a functioning adult in the world.",3.8370860927152366,4.357358701986758,4.834099337748344,87.2992284768212,71.25165562913908,8.159205298013246,27.68278145695364,8.238735603445708,1.5782630463576162,568,19,126,8,10,186,105,151,0.07,0.8109999999999999,0.119,0.8155,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,1,0,7,0,21,2,0,1,4,26,31,8,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,10,2,0,1,5,1,15,4,17,19,1,15,0,0,1,1,13,10,1,4,4,84,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109553763152865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619332680649595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415706155285427,0.18870577884533865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485311590532493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632678006291052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123330603030412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200904305546596,0.15796094353929604,0.08926934761370446,0.16390824422097008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837807829865372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394128572951869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695560788313358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564415226927453,0.0,0.12068624185406585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001137615371997,0.13638195319337473,0.0,0.0,0.12669343388786972,0.2635615816725955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578181621082555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262340039457396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349369862419216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361564247960149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934259982515444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632678006291052,0.0,0.1160053879074574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470672446864834,0.0,0.24878194183183705,0.0,0.0,0.24275365713271524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelpMyFriendRedit,2018/02/13,"I need to be able to get in contact with someone who can help my friend. She lives in a different country, The UK, and says she will do it tomorrow. I need a way to alert someone who knows her, or give a tip or something. Anything that can make someone close to her aware of her situation. Please. ",2.625,4.273018166666667,3.6433333333333344,90.315,75.66666666666666,6.8000000000000025,28.66666666666667,7.554174236665415,1.535566666666667,230,10,50,3,5,74,44,60,0.0,0.831,0.16899999999999998,0.8555,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,11,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,8,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,2,1,32,12,0,0.22634269789357656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626075471868495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647994471125505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487180692523907,0.0,0.11825471769904936,0.2171285403896244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171273929876053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439202738938047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986474903048568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510855084238157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356604850203516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484563128506308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999679809565328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544186758196673,0.0,0.0,0.5753383002462313,0.17424966694219074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796602982025375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,satan666star,2018/02/13,"I feel like I dont belong I'm 24 years old. I have no will power for anything, I can't keep a job, I don't feel real happiness in anything, nothing amuses me, I am in a relationship I don't want to be in that I can't leave because she goes bat shit crazy and makes me feel like shit. My mindset at the moment is why try if we're all going to die anyways, like everything we achieve won't matter after we're gone. I have 2 kids but honestly they don't matter to me, I'm just being a father because that's what they expect of me. At the moment where I'm at I currently don't want to live, I can't run away, I can't take this useless cycle anymore. The only thing I look forward to everyday is going to sleep, I wonder that if I end it all that my afterlife will be me in a constant slumber. ",3.872285714285717,3.1719706571428574,6.001857142857144,83.20164285714289,71.0,8.6,28.92857142857143,7.908726449838941,1.7099714285714285,615,20,139,7,10,219,97,175,0.14800000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.067,-0.8217,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,2,3,9,2,0,7,0,20,3,3,1,2,20,36,4,1,5,4,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,4,1,0,5,11,3,0,0,1,4,26,6,17,29,2,23,0,1,1,0,7,10,2,3,13,88,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575290136172845,0.0,0.0,0.25848002951886845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475550676721587,0.0,0.0,0.19147429105313296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971689357845327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299467679215698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406320531001788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910102646868489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114777447305746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382298937708588,0.22439526664746565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851198986327235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718425752328336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584939467356484,0.1395946021495897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629487738408072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301823109871661,0.0,0.13867936460154032,0.0,0.13188371772718382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048331054393165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069516384477666,0.0,0.16479914553671735,0.0,0.0,0.1194447537730938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875900642860226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861455166124326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224222454423061,0.0,0.0,0.1571649352038935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808319358560855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433804771024252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662766919865836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185266104607562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171456401631202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031566808272944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113602618791442
suicidewatch,saddtaway,2018/02/13,"Another day craving pills and happiness. Sleeping/Depression Pills. 

I think this would be the least emotional, least painful method of going out. 

Effectively pressing my own ""shut off"" button on a life of depression and loneliness. 

I don't have any, unfortunately, so I'd have to find them somehow - but I think it'd be the best way. 

I really hope my life turns around soon and the depression, anxiety, and loneliness go away, or else I'm not going to make it much farther. 

Yet again - I have train tracks across from my house.......",3.6195876288659785,6.3656415257731975,4.250731958762889,81.86372680412373,77.04123711340206,8.828453608247424,27.22577319587629,9.3871,2.817974020618556,416,17,77,12,10,132,69,97,0.151,0.6859999999999999,0.163,0.3157,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,4,0,8,5,0,2,0,17,17,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,3,11,13,5,16,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,3,4,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487259755036252,0.1925488288135639,0.14047408569565306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346688357295794,0.0,0.0,0.17252352921942976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270511612067284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842416769116147,0.0,0.4744727728130777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533967231673695,0.20655556141178286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783167163225732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130782187124349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195474263221724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238295734067494,0.0,0.21188080316898456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940223803052265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122572390191354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498690930350474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953919818967284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763610238607412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353214224060803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997333513489375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575449626448225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304432903513248,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oregonbuck,2018/02/13,"Feel like i've hit a wall in a long time Out of friends, pending job, there's just no life or friendly love. Beginning to consider the possibility of suicide.


There's not much i can affect. I worked at capacity but it didn't met the requirements. Sorry just a rant",2.532264150943398,4.705466000000001,4.3515471698113215,82.74392452830193,77.67924528301887,8.013584905660379,27.581132075471697,8.841846274778883,2.2722256603773583,210,9,43,5,5,71,44,53,0.16699999999999998,0.674,0.159,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,7,2,1,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,6,4,1,7,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,25,3,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842840465273324,0.20971317398233802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535941564572643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913044620639595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734403038885493,0.14341438288163166,0.0,0.0,0.2597837454904746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649415934073287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579405048487044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309350889665771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328606751321468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321097578881398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117217807384394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137089104562292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonNo9001,2018/02/13,"I've had enough I'm in middle school (Grade 8, USA) and I can't take it anymore. I'm struggling so much, I'm buried in work. I can't handle it. The suicidal thoughts are endless. And I've sought help. I'm on Zoloft (an antidepressant), and it worked for about a month. Since then, the suicidal thoughts have been constant. It doesn't help that I'm a regular visitor on 4chan. If life is this hard this early on, I don't want to know how bad it gets.",0.14165550239234648,2.312123031578949,1.813971291866029,97.43961722488035,87.10526315789473,5.559808612440191,20.215311004784688,6.980632752743323,0.2322631578947369,348,11,83,5,11,113,62,95,0.191,0.752,0.057,-0.9122,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,5,0,9,2,0,1,0,9,20,7,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,3,0,8,16,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,4,42,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118780269933165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838431016365466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087390504093205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207519740682864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116204813296314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913835901260063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864029328193249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174134803324042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090349336827774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705290748398248,0.0,0.15705335719184427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162197327828628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672901403092298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334771450235186,0.0,0.4673850148897618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063414459216172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392198830206674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601311554968267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110716145653442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unknownsas,2018/02/13,"I give up I have no reason to live. I have no friends, literally none because I am the shy person who speaks in whispers. I am always alone. I go to uni and afterwards I just go back home and stay indoors doing nothing. I started looking for a job 3 years ago and so far I have found none. I have applied everywhere, even going in person, but I never get a call back. Instead I just get a spam email telling me that the position has already been filled. The few interviews I have gone to have amounted to nothing.I still don't understand why no one will give me a chance. I apply for small positions such as stocking and warehouse work yet none will hire me.I tried to go look for a CNA job cause most people in my uni seem to be doing that but I didn't even get a call back yet I went in person. I am so sick of it. I am so stressed but no one can understand why. I have started failing my classes, I sat for an exam recently and got a fricking 50%!!I don't know what to do anymore. I studied so much but to no avail.I am past the point of tears. I try so hard for nothing. I am also obese and I have been trying to go to the gym but I can only go at midnight or around 1am because I am incredibly self conscious, shy and anxious. I still have to be in class by 9 in the morning after going to bed at around 4 am. I am just such a mess. I am the girl who cannot even do her experiments right, literally almost all expts I have done so far in my chem class have gone wrong and I don't know why. I am supposedly studying medicine but I am not cut out for it. I wish I was dead. Everything around me is just turning to shit and all I can do is watch. I have no one and nothing.I have no future to look forward to. I wish it could all just end. I have tried to end my life twice but I chickened out. I wish I was stronger. ",0.3274744897959181,2.224552512755107,2.530469387755101,94.37524489795919,83.82142857142857,5.348571428571429,22.3,6.508806274219699,0.3397589795918368,1403,49,328,14,40,475,175,392,0.171,0.7759999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9924,2,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,2,28,7,2,1,16,0,52,4,1,2,4,48,84,26,1,4,14,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,2,5,8,15,1,0,8,1,0,12,17,6,0,4,12,7,50,1,42,67,10,52,0,1,4,0,17,21,1,4,20,233,58,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396457329775301,0.0,0.08355316109022673,0.08641873163698223,0.09207817434723996,0.06672698095792118,0.06942880908831217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426351064012996,0.08275011245767087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283801486966184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248075300628367,0.0,0.10172856478995176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040324837878604,0.0,0.0,0.08571591997616602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662009346032227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538814490783965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780624287092112,0.0,0.0,0.16533410597755624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749905401997569,0.08162038360542953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148771231870864,0.06446557866128423,0.0,0.1307819529048811,0.16008660568231306,0.3319463385579248,0.0,0.06673463349796843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474589899772557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369717734804014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656027569688196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917129429552358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058936177685259813,0.0,0.0,0.07367909628652103,0.0,0.21020589108477086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061338040352291075,0.0,0.06435411348398405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160125964215862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962341990501106,0.06345992094392554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965297288662818,0.05784682729181793,0.2185699098982012,0.0,0.0,0.07887782114454933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579027233074872,0.08238698694333124,0.0,0.0,0.0712573501220538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596069128147312,0.0870461738174753,0.0,0.08565001626275166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811859922831072,0.08893599540516665,0.13327066965720746,0.0,0.09558029982815364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293028487801427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266012777969709,0.09075881822876417,0.0,0.17372807756329509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773497659156049,0.2258750111242772,0.0,0.2878558322789763,0.0,0.0,0.06074535300558435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122860030075447,0.0,0.05373265902209574
suicidewatch,throwawayvufdtxubjng,2018/02/13,"Plan on starving myself to death. I can no longer go on Almost 24 hours since I’ve eaten or drank anything, and I’ve lied to someone saying that I ate breakfast this morning.

I’m not looking to talk to anyone. I’ve called the suicide hotline last month about a different situation, and I thought maybe I can start taking control of my life since I thought the suicide call was a sign that “it gets better,” but now I’ve finally made the decision to end everything, because I know it won’t get better. Ever since I was a child, I’ve dealt with struggles.

From 2–4 years old, my father was an abusive drunk.

Around 6 or 7 years old, I was almost raped by my brother’s old friends.

At 8, I was sexually assaulted by another girl two years older.

From 10–12, I was homeless with my family. Motels, housing programs, our van.

From 10–13 years old, I was bullied because of my looks and race. That, I accepted as karma, because I was a bully in my second or third grade year. 

From 10–16, my family became dysfunctional. Constant fighting and arguing.

From 12–now, for some reason, I’ve always been the target for my mother’s frustrations. Always blamed me for everything even when it was one of my sibling’s fault, even when she knew I didn’t do it. She always accused me, and still accuses me, of being disobedient when I’ve never done anything to wrong her. She has always tried to control my life. Just mine. I don’t know why. Even as the youngest of my siblings, she would tell me to clean the house. Most of the time I would, but when I refused, she would pay any of my other siblings to clean up when it was their own mess.

At 18–20, my mother’s controlling antics got worse, and I became even more of a target. While I went to school full-time, I was the only one cleaning the house and my sister’s bedroom, yet she always pressured me to start paying rent and bills while my sister only worked part-time and spent her money or fuck all. It was always me, me, me. 

At 19, I was diagnosed with anemia and malnutrition, since corrected I think, but the medical bills didn’t stop there.

At 20, I was kicked out of college due to poor performance. Around the same time, my mother convinced me to date this guy, and still encourages me to stay with him when he ruined my finances. My credit score went from 683 to 449 in the matter of 2-3 months. He manipulated me into getting a car with nearly $600 as a car note. He stole my identity to open several phone lines, sending 2 different accounts into collections. He manipulated me to open a jewelry account where my monthly payment is over $200. He almost had me arrested when he broke into my former boss’s business accounts and stole money with my name connected to it. He had all of my bank accounts closed by depositing fraudulent checks and submitting false claims. Today, he tells me he wants to make it all right, but I’m too stupid, weak, and defenseless to do anything, and it’s my fault for listening to my mother. It my fault for being stupid enough to trust him. It’s my fault for being too weak to say no.

At 20, I was hospitalized due to severe abdominal pain and dehydration from vomiting profusely because of the pain, which turned out to only be cystic ovaries.

At 20, I was wrongly terminated from my internship after being used and working around the clock, sun up to sun down, for only $500 a month. My mother also moved, so I became homeless and struggled rehoming my cats while I slept on the floor of a friend’s house and in my car.

At 20, I took a job I didn’t want, but my ex cost me this same job when he made multiple phone calls to my workplace, causing my boss fire me.

At 20, three days after losing my first real job, I found out I was pregnant by him. I thought maybe it was finally time for my life to start all over, and gave my ex another chance since he was the only one there for me throughout my pregnancy. My mother let me move back in, but I ended up having a miscarriage at 7 weeks. Ever since, her narcissistic ways became toxic all over again. Ever since, everything started going downhill with my ex all over again. Constantly arguing and having shouting matches.

At 20, I finally landed two jobs so I could save and move out.

At 20, my cat nearly died due to a urethra blockage and I spent all of my savings to save his life. My mother allowed me to take him back in when pets are unauthorized.

This year at 21, I got a UTI and found out that I was prediabetic.

And I was so close to getting my own apartment, but my cat became blocked again. I vowed that I would make sure that I move out of my mother’s for good in March even if it’s a room for rent. But a few days later after getting my second cat back, property management saw my cats in the window and gave me three days to remove them from the premises. I spent more money for a temporary room for rent since I can’t find myself to let them go, especially since one of them will only be euthanized due to his health. 

Things started to look decent after a week. I thought that the job I found is something that I enjoy, believed the team to be awesome, but I guess it was just too good to be true. One of my superiors is overbearing, arrogant, hypocritical, rude, and undermining. Almost everyday he makes my job fucking hell. But it’s ok, because my performance review went really well, and my boss said I was one of the best that he’s hired. I should be moving up the latter quickly. I got a raise, my schedule changed to what I want, and a week later, my boss cut my hours, which means I’m most likely going to be homeless for the second time this past year.

I’m just so fucking tired of stressing. For the past several months, I’ve been stressing about finances, my credit score after my ex ruined it, my health (hospitalized 4 times), medical bills, my living situation, my cat’s health and vet bills, and my miscarriage. All of this has happened since March of last year, and now that I thought things were getting better this past week, signed a rental agreement thinking I can finally start fresh, my boss dropped me to part-time and has been avoiding me ever since. No notice, no reason.

Now I have to withdraw from the agreement because I’m losing more than half of my income and can’t afford even a room for rent. I can’t even afford my bills. I’m trapped financially with a car note, 7 medical bills, 3 or 4 collection accounts that are my ex’s fault, credit card bills totaling over $200 monthly because of my ex, and a stupid fucking phone bill. 

I thought I could be strong and just find a new job, but I’m only 21 years old with no college degree and barely any work experience. It took me over 500 applications to land a job. And lately I was already stressing about my living situation, so now I’m just completely lost. I’m sick of constantly pursuing work when even the thought of working makes me feel dead inside.

I just want to starve myself to death now. I honestly don’t care if people will be hurt by my suicide. No one is going through what I’m going through. Why should I care about what they think or feel? Why is it so wrong for me to end my suffering? There’s nowhere else for me to go anymore. Every time something even remotely decent happens in my life, it’s taken away before I can even touch it.",6.230573081239747,6.0344535790209815,6.684695674695679,78.58089916256584,66.00699300699301,9.579210912544246,31.85012518345852,9.150863307647796,2.5907185530518864,5718,203,1113,90,81,1865,504,1430,0.193,0.726,0.081,-0.9996,21,3,2,0,2,3,182.0,1,0,5,21,67,75,16,7,53,1,83,30,1,21,17,184,179,80,7,14,26,18,4,1,2,9,19,5,13,3,46,63,5,7,25,3,35,23,17,44,1,17,68,13,184,31,178,86,22,201,2,8,4,5,80,62,5,16,114,711,230,34,0.0,0.03803102943015833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856654259119,0.0,0.035421079135323594,0.025668858985610457,0.1602492680869771,0.0,0.0,0.04365565141696195,0.06731536555118951,0.0,0.0,0.031832715001130406,0.02244375533593,0.0,0.0792420658737699,0.08572240940931845,0.0,0.0,0.030157245066476195,0.07404443053520006,0.0,0.13696703363770854,0.0,0.0273131402574998,0.036163595188128665,0.03368500191659882,0.08516454947395599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832732330756903,0.0,0.06545235538138111,0.0329736162359506,0.03395556021675933,0.0,0.03365427339613291,0.10406001025200023,0.10800232972289484,0.051255481968218726,0.0,0.0,0.0621019056881249,0.0,0.0,0.03257892123996225,0.033312786135366534,0.06707141782653762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032847526131361965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026813864716788916,0.0,0.08528823463118577,0.03316594352029885,0.0,0.2120050885426263,0.1161383669491289,0.027044054714186274,0.0,0.08654317521975961,0.0313981254215652,0.0605185112268456,0.0,0.03245955290658334,0.0,0.0,0.14064770808290955,0.05867420953223036,0.02730264874877187,0.0,0.10558181200671797,0.0495978635426588,0.11869679745257786,0.10061967314526396,0.0,0.1276947290722822,0.05384476877117378,0.07701540840560371,0.0,0.035359703489445456,0.03178219023459327,0.056768531907514165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235641777614812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632203749490603,0.1481477068075015,0.03436170670827536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25481949012148924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035280580150297065,0.0523285119498035,0.03620808312390675,0.0,0.0,0.06564501510475547,0.11335927479678876,0.015681522548203174,0.0,0.0566864649236438,0.0,0.08086302270444687,0.07181918304072188,0.03503889516790203,0.0,0.0,0.06074404399734714,0.08570299080035533,0.0,0.06449376173732084,0.034964268039815435,0.0,0.09700645220543724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372250296498605,0.17057613567878674,0.0,0.0,0.024756052805776797,0.031000569165042263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654392808569076,0.16840791363868554,0.0,0.15225364155973126,0.17088449334795927,0.06830933622496868,0.0,0.0,0.06951828292484802,0.09192387694420916,0.022252798361355627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653469345210653,0.02056288081036074,0.06600443692136475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0274116233900155,0.030532667295268236,0.051051434688270655,0.0,0.03248501616222129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878523472997847,0.0,0.2920709078473753,0.10823891215983003,0.0,0.0,0.027196637171172017,0.049421409633213835,0.0,0.0,0.13631530860423638,0.034212330485021286,0.05126720821530943,0.026835469779641245,0.11030488130304036,0.06711185905210905,0.0,0.10533041712192882,0.0,0.03025210297018073,0.0,0.04826759071542568,0.025799257039579138,0.05611035210763322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264913600319771,0.061701547351252786,0.0,0.17837628112041148,0.11230004896951633,0.03689207289108347,0.03042526938827596,0.0,0.07132439589150685,0.021792519915585576,0.034913542818367865,0.06271040821852124,0.0,0.0,0.027722474180790303,0.0,0.0,0.07572922309351307,0.025477997599957208,0.10298871906340283,0.0,0.028860069227154693,0.08926585042606862,0.0868906958727613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683908652444228,0.0,0.0327107316198234,0.09120634830972103,0.10528278259965387,0.0,0.18603126123851702
suicidewatch,EgoTheLivingManiac,2018/02/13,"I’m a teen. I’m considering. I need someone to talk me out of it. I don’t want to commit because of the havoc it will wreak on my parents and family and everyone. I feel the need to do it but I can’t stop thinking about my family. Can someone help me through this. I just want this to end.
I have no friends who care about me and the only people who do are my family.",-0.924074074074074,1.0896285061728437,2.2825802469135823,93.12461111111116,91.09876543209877,5.709135802469136,19.21111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.4100607407407404,283,9,67,5,10,101,48,81,0.094,0.716,0.19,0.7992,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,14,17,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,12,2,11,16,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733328253077808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129703815258595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500854821019566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959688451017846,0.0,0.0,0.5907495773188638,0.0,0.10561764089914416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138267079922886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001003073507656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097685470677813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886511442716966,0.0,0.0,0.2319401150963109,0.0,0.0,0.14481333572860422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35397217782708057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463573935863674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789243359654166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384394397587748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640949039811455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pea46,2018/02/13,SAM - Suicide And Music Anybody else make a suicide playlist? Music made me who I am. It was always there when I needed it. Seems fitting it's there at the end.,0.02124999999999844,2.360606125000004,1.6559999999999988,94.589,97.125,2.5600000000000005,22.025,3.1291,-0.23085749999999994,124,5,24,0,5,40,26,32,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,6,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26743975132964803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684976997767999,0.0,0.28467480111957705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30412691830686595,0.2145443797167345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383222299259178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926005595358138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7031430695146116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FortuneCookie14,2018/02/13,"To whom it may concern Hello everyone,

I don't know when I got to this stage.
I had suicidal thoughts a long time, but they were never serious. I would think of my family and how much it would hurt them finding their dead son in their own home, not to mention my grandparents, who always tell me how they ""saw me grow up"".
But lately I feel like I'm losing control. I just got a fever last night and that just ads to me feeling like shit. I feel really weak right now.



One reason on why I think I'm like this is how I think of myself. I don't like to put the blame on others so I always rethought a situation and made myself responsible, but this thought process kinda spiraled down.
I think of myself as replaceable, not as much worth as e.g. my friends. 
People come and go in life and I think that if I would leave somebodies path they could just forget me. That's why I can't really seem to understand how much I could probably hurt their feelings, if I would take my own life.



I have this really great friend, she is like the best person I know. Whenever I'm with her I feel happy and she inspires me to be a better person. I also have a huge crush on her^^. But like a lot of things it's starting to wither away. I seem to not care anymore. I wake up late (like 4pm today :( ), I don't eat as regular anymore and I should be studying for physics and math exams, which are happening in less than a week. I also haven't logged on to WhatsApp and haven't responded to my friends in like 4 days, I was thinking about opening up to the best friend of my crush but I don't want to ruin her mood, since Valentines Day is tomorrow. One friend asked me if I had started studying yet, but I haven't responded yet, partially due to shame. I didn't pay much attention this semester due to my fucked up sleep schedule and I probably just don't want to say: ""No, I haven't studied yet. I'm a fuck up. I'm probably going to fail the exam. My parents work their asses of everyday from 9am till 9pm to bring my sorry ass into university just for me to fail. They rely on me once they can't work anymore and I'm just a fuck up. 
I'm not the man that I think I could be, I'm not the man, who my crush deserves. I could change it, but I'm just stuck in self-pitty and day dreams of how everything could be. I'm pathetic.""



Suicide was never really a serious option, but I lay awake in my bed and feel this heavy weight on my chest. I just want it to stop. I just want to end it all and the thoughts and feelings of how my family would react are fading out.



Thank you dear reader for your time and reading through this horrible structured text. It's been a while, since I wrote an English text. I wish you a nice day.



Kind regards

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suicidewatch,irishflower,2018/02/13,"I don't want to live anym My life is and has always been a complete fuckin disaster. It's fuckin hell. My problem isn't that I don't think I'm loved -- I know that I am, greatly, by a lot of fuckin people. That's the only thing keeping me here -- the damage I would leave behind. 

I can't take a bath without thinking about drowning myself. Please, how the fuck do you do it...",0.6781329113924066,2.638421924050636,2.3017563291139247,96.1485838607595,82.92405063291139,4.456329113924051,20.00158227848101,5.148860815047168,-0.3560518987341772,288,8,65,1,8,94,55,79,0.289,0.6829999999999999,0.028,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,3,9,5,0,6,0,11,6,0,1,0,11,20,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,11,2,6,18,1,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,5,1,0,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048352382454965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581071798219156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758250701007804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140604737071106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880942656921526,0.0,0.0,0.1352899665651463,0.0,0.0,0.2606611301690336,0.0,0.0,0.1738789150492771,0.0,0.0,0.21737482523091486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092870540174809,0.22218029005560044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722527717643972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066501363999803,0.0,0.0,0.2702234778539433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23555383362209065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850910814462648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163546068667933,0.3154747925575518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519891703424306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730150273930306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487387906867166,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kyseem,2018/02/13,anyone wanna like run away with me? i live in the US and yea just like pm me or some idk man,-2.7769696969696973,-1.1268162727272717,0.14272727272727434,107.1007575757576,98.0909090909091,2.9333333333333336,7.333333333333332,3.1291,-2.62159393939394,70,0,20,0,3,24,20,22,0.057,0.738,0.205,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276931986200748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440315087626291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579205401358997,0.0,0.4138293420877685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5637320691034408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeffbuddha,2018/02/13,"Suicidal ideation and mindfulness. Are there any objective truths that we know of as to why ending ones own life is “bad” or is that a duality that we ascribe to it as a subjective social norm? should I not worry and decide to end things while I’m in a clear state of mind. 
I took up therapy and meditation a few years ago to help with depression and PTSD. While they’ve helped me beyond anything I could imagine, I no longer associate with dualities, self image, my experience of life is much deeper and enjoyable, while this has helped me and I only regret that I didn’t learn these things much sooner in my life. I only see more clearly that suicide is a more than justified way out for some; I’m 32, have alienated my friends and family, no relationship, have no real means of financial stability or an education to rely on, I spent 9 years in the military and struggled to stay off the streets for about 5 years after that. The issues I have with the life I have created I have dealt with, I accept responsibility for where I’m at, but our society does not reward or work in tandem with the objective truths mindfulness uncovers, compassion is looked at as brainwashing and won’t get me a Job that pays enough to keep the heat on. I feel like this is the clearest I’ve thought about suicide, there’s no emotion of sadness, or some freedom I think would attain from it. I simply just want out while I’m at least able to feed myself.",9.473924731182796,6.993971921146954,9.422302867383516,68.92012096774197,60.97132616487456,13.314336917562725,38.303763440860216,11.855464076750405,4.340034408602151,1142,42,219,28,12,377,161,279,0.133,0.742,0.125,-0.6636,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,3,0,0,3,7,12,0,1,14,0,18,5,0,0,4,51,34,21,3,5,8,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,14,18,1,1,9,0,2,1,8,5,0,1,4,3,25,7,43,26,10,31,0,3,2,0,10,16,0,6,12,153,39,4,0.11274741103261225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994377709090256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667210577564255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278151257782688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941393787497262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001963336920675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710917991198917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866601918603413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682566202504264,0.1997214819406512,0.11649821487942895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028860252186197,0.10628822485892997,0.0,0.057008478698742975,0.08054677296969613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710837008175057,0.0,0.058905868786759824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267166390052073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767900442103825,0.11188440823894692,0.10021507935639913,0.0,0.0,0.06196302850399335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185473229976371,0.05508268993882439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467942910631748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281498365066465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415282334068844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576463998470473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640056364163016,0.17149897336644734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179568998148636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833123730469467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104852490834525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984508913647653,0.0,0.11762013900368168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493178693147353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017373864038153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786807409874192,0.0,0.3699821040731176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289364905500964,0.0,0.14980874002518793,0.07224398844877425,0.0,0.08950885035187046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526652217249135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650134421172653,0.08949364691768145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017370017189734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820814580469262,0.11450046879318825,0.0,0.08009252591631216,0.0,0.0,0.2178169084077832
suicidewatch,whatsthepoint0011,2018/02/13,"Most lethal method of suicide? I read that it's a gun to the head, but I can't afford one. I live too far from the nearest city to go and get shot to death. Can anyone ship me a gun? I am willing to pay for my own execution too.

It hasn't gotten better. I will never get better. I am so good at ruining everything good... I feel nothing except pain. I tried, I did. Don't try to convince me otherwise.

I don't want help. Give me a cure, or give me death.",-1.3038228438228463,0.6856025959596012,1.6830303030303035,96.55993006993008,93.74747474747473,4.662315462315462,16.706293706293707,6.297961479604792,-0.3823137529137526,343,9,83,4,13,120,67,99,0.32299999999999995,0.606,0.071,-0.9772,1,0,1,2,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,1,8,18,4,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,2,0,1,2,1,15,5,10,14,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,53,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784068073648104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739951946659866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900246749571815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690818729494614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093273831442556,0.4056565685318084,0.12016371840210295,0.3546842830034304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216993914635634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172081918862495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867014997583712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307216169368632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287815117261346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327422786356425,0.0,0.22498237520860198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149280759668268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312762182098553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871017733940192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471018916190985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hey_tati,2018/02/13,"Total unhappiness Hi everybody who reads this.
I'm 22 y/o female, fresh graduate of college with major I dont like. 
From elementary to high school I had only one friend. Than I relocated to another place for studying, and now we are not in touch.
In college I had some contacts with people, but no true friends, and now I'm completely alone.

Love life: not existing. I've never had a boyfriend or a person really interested in me. However, managed to have some sex: ""sex friend"", whom I met on internet, a guy from tinder, a guy I met during exhange abroad, a one-night stand. ""Sex friend"" and me have no interest in each other, but fuck sometimes; we now completely stopped because I've become tired of this. And he is looser like me, so no girl fucks him. Exchange guy and I were fucking about half a year while on exchange, now he blocked me everywhere. A tinder guy: some sex with no pleasure for me.

I don't have a job now. I'm treating my depression and suicide thoughts, and quite successfully.
But even with that I don't know what to live for, will I meet someone or not, and I find no nice things in my life right now.
I feel like a thing some people have used, but it is totally useless now. 
Btw, in order to find something good I've tried checking personal horoscopes and so on, but even there NO good signs for me; and I was born to live sadly in poverty with no friends and love as I do now.

So this horoscope thing was really devastating for me.

So does it really mean I will lead a miserable life? Maybe it is better to finish asap??",3.0437452711223187,4.907232639344265,4.3443442622950865,84.80958070617909,75.0655737704918,7.708701134930644,27.140605296343,8.502166056373571,1.9496633039092053,1205,47,242,23,26,397,158,305,0.227,0.602,0.171,-0.9586,2,1,1,0,0,1,50.0,2,0,0,4,16,27,3,1,10,0,20,13,0,2,4,48,35,24,1,0,10,0,2,3,5,2,4,0,0,7,14,19,0,2,6,1,3,1,14,7,0,2,9,2,27,20,34,24,8,30,0,4,0,9,26,13,3,6,17,159,41,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100753295800386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020071228059995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930131110165793,0.10743870776643877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603672763044651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399357984057465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378758209484237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513085158389318,0.0,0.11401206230270156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850575154951285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918796135856645,0.06949723351375799,0.0,0.0,0.17782529288198767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757934994398764,0.2698028606533357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631885943284375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852920955871129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278222611046756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965359201771638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053462837831899215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061363560140229,0.14257906645191007,0.0,0.17180098901808422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559896152338966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773137262037056,0.10596702118618484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502874560876713,0.0,0.0,0.09129119196543804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318396160696028,0.07398623036022743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348841481666045,0.16988322144125825,0.1016374537816534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346982327995156,0.09730686031538514,0.0,0.18696120485054987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307704520540063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845309479883024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824254814666436,0.07489130840219832,0.09621293639489434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133088304443385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640911582456064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388659416279827,0.0,0.0,0.07722987830676127,0.0,0.11180966423206587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604709748150647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840191479342284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264547495716452
suicidewatch,iEatAssForGas,2018/02/13,"Should I be as worried as I am about my girlfriend? o, she has bad anxiety and has been previously diagnosed with depression, and a few years ago she told me she did try and take her life. She’s 17 now.


Anyways, this past week she’s just been, different. This group of girls at her school that have been relentlessly bullying her for the past 5 years have started again. Last week she needed a ride to her root canal appt and ask her grandmother. On the way there her grandmother ended up slipping and needed an immediate hip surgery, and there were complications with said surgery and she may not make it. My girlfriend is blaming herself over it, thinking it’s all her fault.


She’s the valedictorian of her class but she has just given up completely with school. She’s now failing AP Bio, AP Calc, and doesn’t care if she graduates this year (her school just told her they aren’t accepting her junior year’s worth of credits form online school last year). She has just completely turned into a different person. Last night she told me she doesn’t feel sad or mad or happy, but that she doesn’t feel anything at all, and she just doesn’t care anymore. I told her I was really worried and she just said not to be and that I shouldn’t even care about her. That’s the part that is really worrying me, given her prior history. 



I know this post is ALL over the place.. I’m just really concerned. Should I be?",3.4277493917274917,5.513281014598544,3.935492700729928,87.18138990267641,74.62043795620437,7.778345498783455,24.55535279805353,8.59863814320734,1.5944506082725058,1114,36,226,22,24,350,133,274,0.115,0.792,0.093,-0.3817,3,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,1,16,12,1,0,9,0,28,3,1,2,3,45,51,18,0,6,14,0,2,0,2,4,2,2,0,2,12,15,0,0,5,0,2,1,8,6,0,0,14,4,45,6,21,30,6,32,0,3,0,0,45,9,0,4,20,153,57,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449945529434391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292301403032671,0.0,0.0945363316039209,0.0,0.0,0.07844397622756374,0.0,0.08911557928774631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959201120510664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29156917210983385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989193818704148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210288869891483,0.09675240398218383,0.0,0.19918771605153784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442925075372376,0.0,0.0,0.06296096123586259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639790565092572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014747479500887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238787555740616,0.23310667458858084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733054338713278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636298722671194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136388069100633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894556255919337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322719012319947,0.1819961238578442,0.0,0.08323371359503226,0.09959385802576892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912945614932552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320202838034394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813509378684896,0.0,0.0,0.3858941042209472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747120175184179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716721926080414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061080117741197225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643467412722113,0.0,0.06471910703035193,0.10368572901267482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566418477430921,0.15292719607006755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904200999479373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069293998767473
suicidewatch,crimsonbones,2018/02/13,"Is this odd? I was recently in a car accident. It was my own fault. No one was hurt, other than myself with minor whiplash. My family, few friends, and my boyfriend and his family did the usual 'are you okay?' and 'let me know if you need anything'. I told them I was fine and that I'd figure out what to do. Later that night, I'm sitting in bed and wondering 'What if it had been bad? What if I had died?'. To be honest, I wouldn't have really cared. Since then, I've thought about that a lot. Well, that and my bad luck (my job is going away in May). I wonder who'd notice if I was just gone. My immediate family lives hours away; my intermediate family is states away and I gave up talking with my cousins that I used to be close to (I always had to start conversations). I do have one friend. She's like a second mom to me, but even she can be distant. I had a best friend that I enjoyed seeing. He and I could hang out for hours several times a week, but then it fizzled out. He told me he couldn't see me anymore because he hates my boyfriend. My boyfriend probably wouldn't notice for awhile if I disappeared or something. We do text almost every day and see each other every weekend (we're about 45 minutes away from each other), but with having all this time to think, there's not much depth to our relationship. I am on good terms with his sister and family but I don't know what to make of myself and him. I just feel like I wouldn't really be missed. It seems like people just move on from me easily. ",1.8213917050691213,3.642623180645163,3.3826958525345643,90.52975806451613,78.48387096774194,6.751152073732718,20.1036866359447,7.7094869923839395,0.5496912442396322,1166,28,258,18,28,385,164,310,0.069,0.79,0.141,0.9771,1,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,2,2,1,1,8,21,1,0,6,1,36,0,0,2,1,58,60,23,1,11,14,3,1,3,3,4,0,0,1,0,20,22,0,0,9,1,0,6,7,6,1,3,16,4,46,15,34,32,9,38,0,2,3,0,27,15,0,13,18,183,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452565459943993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854644326436988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361714681018277,0.0,0.0,0.07768125877401552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35475896274366875,0.0,0.15763626261963273,0.05754395795897966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906455574447658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624474008254433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536887727099326,0.0,0.0,0.06087870316005468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796990266711728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623487864541119,0.0,0.15906825669319666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449487225685987,0.0,0.047730310307188654,0.06743773129611759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187942721464199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536483847693968,0.07917630687222747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319817939026526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592542680669266,0.0,0.10105468356823548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367514527095884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375700757417304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652803752680736,0.0,0.1383538349038273,0.0,0.08335489305135592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025354355606143,0.0,0.0,0.06301119360651215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105574380577784,0.0,0.10032980935234438,0.06939316646423532,0.06999469382709904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885858409349307,0.0,0.0,0.21494480005851754,0.0,0.0,0.12793264067015106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544347508713744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177667978709057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094715964977988,0.0,0.09320633438253988,0.10134779576621417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256682206898957,0.08593611508550204,0.0,0.10664252473317612,0.0,0.07808674777150752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267195652388529,0.0,0.0,0.0668151735178992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587329053717702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060486230560735536,0.0,0.07494122453453039,0.11008810873547953,0.0,0.0,0.1804020834571796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152929887483319,0.10396572329007003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572013596710864,0.0,0.084874863413147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474054433111333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowMeAway1750,2018/02/13,"Boyfriend has joined my bullies. I don't know if I can cope much longer. 

I don't even know where to begin so maybe I'll bullet point everything.

* My ex best friend has bullied me relentlessly for the past year simply because I ran against her in a club election (yes it's that petty)
* Multiple times throughout this bullying I have been close to suicide. 
* Throughout this bullying I have been going through constant hospital and doctors appointments to diagnose a chronic pain and fatigue condition. 
* My boyfriend was there with me throughout this entire process and saw me suffering at the hands of my bully, struggling to cope with my declining health, and generally suffering. 
* I unfortunately currently live with my bully, my boyfriend and a mutual friend. I cannot escape the contract that sadly ties me to this house.

I cannot do this anymore. I just want to be hanging from the rafters. 

A few times now I have heard my boyfriend (we've been together for approximately a year and a half now) bitching about me to my bully. Full on berating me to her. 

He's seen what she's done to me and how she has made me feel and yet for some reason chooses to give her more ammo against me? Bear in mind that the bitching is about pathetic couples arguments that are literally meaningless. The last bit of bitching he partook in with my bully was about how I didn't want to go and see the Superbowl with him because my health was bad after being at university all day so I just wanted to sleep. 

I can't even put into words how isolated I am feeling. He spends more time with this bully than with me and I've mentioned this to him - oh believe me. But for some reason he just gets annoyed with me that I even point it out. Why am I in the wrong for believing that you should probably support your girlfriend before the person that LITERALLY BULLIES HER TO THE POINT OF SUICIDE. 


And yes I know that everyone is always like ""leave him"" - I agree, he's not worth a minute of my time anymore. However I literally have NO ONE ELSE. Her bullying isolated me from every one I ever called a friend. I am alone here at university away from my family and he is all I have. 


I honestly just think it is best if I were no longer here. I don't know how to cope anymore. Perhaps I should just get some emergency housing to be away from them all - but then what? It's just me, alone again.

",3.334874439929145,5.604130059080962,4.249195060956552,83.97814186725023,75.54266958424508,7.678420339689487,28.386422840470978,8.563005593585519,2.2549516932374702,1875,80,359,38,42,604,210,457,0.163,0.784,0.053,-0.9891,2,2,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,2,1,2,27,20,4,1,18,2,38,9,2,7,4,64,61,23,2,7,11,1,3,1,4,2,7,1,0,1,21,23,0,0,10,1,2,5,10,12,0,3,14,7,67,8,57,42,14,42,0,4,3,0,29,18,3,5,20,261,88,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907921830568614,0.0,0.0,0.07664122003457183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27403910538146725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307696308642084,0.0,0.07690631801235986,0.11229634240090096,0.0,0.07837710901146812,0.20754830939135813,0.1933232899899772,0.0,0.10055806110273408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405254839523723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953600709358217,0.0,0.0,0.1019157306850826,0.0,0.05940202879212528,0.0,0.0,0.09348766335278554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942764230110099,0.0,0.09425844527883916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694440031843118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250936119799072,0.08331694342877984,0.07760494781861871,0.08801312445428529,0.08278071549017106,0.0,0.08683120847548463,0.0,0.09314512694761376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348719632584984,0.0,0.0962452384512272,0.08835836975886804,0.10469417813793856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581295641174512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256049023989906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248055334233409,0.07508029920454654,0.0,0.09752905409664926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044999307682639295,0.0,0.08133303602055117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871548000942551,0.0,0.0,0.0925348485489079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930028052639474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677099651983051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482950539470895,0.0,0.09800938744740814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792749150639738,0.0,0.0804251375253416,0.0,0.0,0.26121544610526903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930798373258642,0.0,0.0,0.0925939627813156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894046930911168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339813677067397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217450175686684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629126206835743,0.0,0.20150236619098827,0.10452304698193288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901907601168279,0.0,0.0,0.2148356211722464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298302349519134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311312770211082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007056194814259,0.0,0.11862904166818895
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway2224,2018/02/13,"Can it get better? 19 YO in college rn and I honestly feel like school is the only thing I have at the moment. I live in a dorm with 8 other people, but there really isn't anybody here at college who's a close friend; my only enjoyable social interactions are when I leave school every few weekends and drive 2 hours up to the college where my couple of friends from HS go. I broke up with my girlfriend (who was amazing) about 2 months ago and since then I've just felt incredibly alone and isolated (I've shut myself off from my family effectively and never really text anybody). That girlfriend I had (my first ever and the relationship only lasted 2 months) exposed me to how much *better* life can be... it was possible to live a fulfilling life where goals get accomplished, friends are made, and life isn't constantly sad and exhausting. I want my life to be like hers. I'm aware most of my problems are self-made; there's no reason why I can't reach out and make friends and no reason why I can't put in the work to improve myself. It's not even a matter of me being lazy, because my grades in school are amazing (it's the only thing I feel I've legitimately accomplished) and school seems to be the only fulfilling thing in my life now, distracting me from reality and making me feel smart (so much so I've gotten obsessed with it and attached a huge portion of my ego to my grades). I just feel trapped in the life I made for myself though. The breakup happened because my former girlfriend asked me to make changes... really small ones too like just texting and listening more. She asked me to stop comparing myself to her and to stop beating myself up over my shortcomings. At the end of the day though I haven't changed. I'm two months out of the relationship now and nothing in my life has improved... in fact I'm significantly *more* isolated now than I was entering the relationship and I constantly think about how much of a failure I am. She told me that I'm not going to learn from these mistakes and I genuinely believe it. I'm giving myself until the end of February to see if I can make any changes to my life, and if I can't convince myself things have improved by then I'm going to steal my dad's gun and shoot myself. I'm constantly upset and I just don't want to keep going in the same cycles of pain and sadness with the delusion that things are going to get better",4.850413583509514,5.779078424947147,5.66686508985201,80.76099530919663,69.19027484143764,8.703197674418604,29.15757135306554,8.930421266530582,2.2600190803382665,1897,68,369,33,32,621,204,473,0.162,0.6990000000000001,0.139,-0.8564,0,2,0,2,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,10,24,27,0,3,22,0,28,10,0,11,3,70,67,35,0,6,9,1,5,3,7,0,10,1,1,0,18,29,0,3,11,1,0,8,12,11,0,3,9,7,55,16,59,54,9,60,0,3,1,0,24,25,0,4,30,247,73,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059864686283612585,0.0,0.0,0.06994470498260569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045925336149624116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262700730663866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233602041773191,0.0,0.0,0.0760875264249724,0.0,0.17918461576789405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143255866979338,0.0,0.0,0.21894031106816175,0.0,0.0,0.0747249242777448,0.0,0.04355374850965657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962989801356633,0.0,0.0,0.04460547324678316,0.061088236790515386,0.0569001842045707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366490663080117,0.0,0.1365885817864256,0.048246198366132614,0.06484308999085636,0.0,0.0,0.0574442612062492,0.0,0.0,0.20870595046164192,0.0,0.10585095314065376,0.06478462593707145,0.1919052260404211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059719963531692566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650724194468846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002719189911693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550491041480739,0.0,0.07150859963680675,0.0,0.0,0.3816092629837979,0.0989808885203334,0.0,0.1192672596675864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278043299833487,0.18031748622608773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171463243097042,0.0,0.14893545839139022,0.0,0.05208627107561163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480055373979132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576268685680572,0.2568126935308346,0.0718607815131693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681947064558002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613427256572783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646207770620575,0.0,0.06789017564707382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979174738236324,0.1388720980946154,0.0,0.2175182541522669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733914604231659,0.053815737525973115,0.061480283745378964,0.07045253768712376,0.0,0.0,0.05586470141185199,0.0,0.0,0.06884225880726651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292265082401284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243324568370624,0.04327296636417072,0.13270333616379154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453149102778144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597076172357254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966643295965498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187759695738146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049165449602845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shifty_stoner,2018/02/13,"That’s probably too long to read. I am an 18 year old boy (soon to be 19). I graduated from school last year in December and since then have spent almost everyday waking up in the afternoon to waste time in my room doing nothing until I fall asleep, usually in the afternoon. I do not want to live but I am too cowardly to take that final step to end it all. I tried once last year and ended up in a psychiatric ward after the hospital for a few days and that was enough to dissuade me from attempting the same method again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t see myself going anywhere in life simply based on the fact that I don’t want to succeed and am contempt with failure. I don’t even know what I aim to achieve with this post but it’s five am and all I can think about is swallowing as many paracetamol tablets as I can. I simply wish I had the testicular fortitude to do it. I hate myself so much. ",3.682405372405373,4.43908317460318,5.064126984126986,84.64989010989011,71.75132275132275,8.989987789987794,27.236874236874236,9.265573868473778,2.0567831501831497,716,24,155,15,13,240,115,189,0.12,0.8370000000000001,0.042,-0.9273,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,3,2,0,9,0,19,4,2,0,3,21,30,12,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,10,7,1,0,3,1,1,3,5,2,0,1,3,1,20,1,30,26,6,35,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,1,21,110,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691310055852531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675054486226462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089278495644206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29919416766939216,0.17452096838625686,0.0,0.1115582113098282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850239403027525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599092756905826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675580683134214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856482994156444,0.2753554282000788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930051319656294,0.0,0.0,0.14914360489718936,0.1494729995313374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124016884031307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416244113384353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206607263423348,0.0,0.17723428947012626,0.1798751712671619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617614754061519,0.0,0.1821049774313959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894775765389974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709378922147721,0.13459306631501156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971752144370064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699332175145192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082256139050243,0.0,0.0,0.09848814383942207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467340517290107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860217461699747,0.0,0.19924561080751213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422902234402706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32630214828243953
suicidewatch,throwaway2552552552,2018/02/13,"I don't want my life anymore. Like I wish I could just transfer my years of life to someone who would do something with it instead of me. I've waisted my life. My ex used to scream in my face how I am nothing and I've done nothing with my life but I honestly was at least trying before him. He hurt me in so many ways and then just became a tinder patrolling fuck boy after we broke up. His birthday was this week and coupled with Valentine's Day I am really struggling with loneliness and depression. 
I want to go on his page and see all of our mutual friends who wished him happy birthday so I can delete them out of my life forever. If they don't want to believe he abused me I don't want them to be a part of my life. But I have been able to refrain from letting my pain act out in any way. I haven't had a steady job in years and barely get enough freelance to survive. It destroys my self esteem worse than he or my parents did, and that's saying a lot. I used to really be confident and like myself but now I just find everything and everyone so exhausting and overwhelming that I just wish I could die. I think about it a lot. I already tried to poison myself last year when he was telling me I was telling me I was disgusting and a whore and meeting up with outer girls and lying to me about it. I feel isolated after learning that he and my parents are narcissistic abusers and I have no one. ",3.1076332288401254,4.358903568965522,4.2398746081504735,88.14304075235111,73.6551724137931,7.341692789968652,27.31974921630094,7.84624498591911,1.5137241379310344,1105,41,235,15,22,361,153,290,0.266,0.645,0.08900000000000001,-0.9964,3,0,1,0,2,1,16.0,2,0,3,1,13,18,4,2,6,0,26,13,2,3,1,53,41,26,1,11,9,3,1,2,1,1,9,2,0,3,10,23,1,1,4,0,0,2,5,13,0,1,9,4,50,5,36,26,7,26,0,4,1,2,27,11,1,4,13,168,60,3,0.09803721416166618,0.23231613523535946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818650367716257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666866746925458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972265730630852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342244846956337,0.11045436839608463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654947629473953,0.10847631277226852,0.0,0.0632258927179045,0.0,0.08443930890210594,0.0,0.10174715021983301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032610788112338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129864922825416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367875942398646,0.08810952661244409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049570561168831115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960423764987667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574330846947873,0.09063382474183773,0.051220398062676295,0.0,0.05571680807656183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436243746968348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495086541395547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728680766514616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991341439442769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002496937047813,0.4154795020035314,0.0957920615768496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669546727258702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939434761071317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813870213281247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664325535389898,0.0,0.10431850800555224,0.0,0.21771744880888685,0.1061647492803072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561029955660746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796312762700587,0.0,0.0,0.07812296676594171,0.0,0.10227419549255544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306661341639493,0.07547383712658025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248978240306623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137769268485306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281828826558841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312166616804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934535187038788,0.0,0.0,0.2312995558767345,0.15563475468965712,0.07863953968689064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33821387400558994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990829678426093,0.06964282411535894,0.0,0.0,0.18939825493136306
suicidewatch,kyrieirvingsglobe,2018/02/13,"Not actually going to commit suicide but I've been pushed to an edge that I cannot recover from I can't live anymore, although I am too much of a pussy to commit suicide so I'm not actively suicidal.

28 year old transgender woman, transitioned for 6 years. Have had facial surgery, hair transplants, breast implants, etc. Look sort of female but will never look normal due to my bulky muscles and lack of feminine curves. Look too boxy and like a man with a feminine face. Hopeless when it comes to looks. Thus no one wants to date me. Fine. Can't do anything about that. I'm not too intelligent either, struggle with jobs and if I ever got fired from my lower middle class job currently I'd be screwed.

Worst of all, I hate everyone. I hate other transgender people because of how fucking stupid they are (nonbinary nonsense, telling people they are bigots if they don't want to date trans). And I am kicked out of all trans communities when I tell these idiots to take a hike. They are fucked up and acceptance of LGBT will decline with time because no one wants to hear Riley Dennis call them a bigot for not liking ""feminine penis"". This moronic bullshit kills me because it kills any chance of me being more accepted in general, since people are now souring on the trans community.

I am no fan of conservatives but at least they don't pretend to be accepting and all wonderous people. Liberals are worse because they only tolerate you as long as you agree 100% with their SJW beliefs. And trans are the worst of the SJW. The absolute worst.

I have no friends really, I have nothing. I have no one who thinks like i do. I have been seriously depressed for 15-16 years. I'm tired. I don't want to live anymore, nothing improves. Nothing gets better. Life isn't fair, if it was then why do African babies starve to death? Fuck off if you're going to say this ""it gets better"" bullshit, life is meaningless and everything is random chance.",4.612354760119938,6.4575100461956545,5.1991829085457315,80.38869565217394,70.82065217391303,8.33673163418291,29.537481259370324,8.939507131559953,2.530161431784109,1539,62,279,30,29,494,207,368,0.343,0.564,0.093,-0.9992,4,0,0,0,0,7,48.0,0,2,8,2,11,28,11,1,10,0,35,11,4,2,7,51,61,23,6,10,12,0,2,3,1,2,3,2,0,2,11,14,0,1,6,1,0,4,17,18,0,3,5,9,30,10,41,51,12,27,1,2,4,5,19,7,4,7,19,178,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.08851422881736122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061681976034895836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799084150706312,0.0,0.0,0.07464183978529762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211697883568698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044101291726334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261914403559407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813364903184916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812340677882608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101159175407322,0.0,0.08204715465664482,0.0,0.08667176371019962,0.08151909907995585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007785088809045,0.2515637533143344,0.09477841648048012,0.0,0.10309859041668358,0.0,0.0725444460820548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910326593874812,0.0,0.0,0.10223024158299868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001987340396322,0.0,0.20070154812612775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281341378611419,0.1329404922314079,0.0,0.16018696583071115,0.08027037527034951,0.3046747819459926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667803399641273,0.0,0.06995668172717902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887087158618018,0.26109941948841897,0.0,0.09517881470999803,0.0,0.1843905689528874,0.06898464218625272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515315255978425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810744222958875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213163173108597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503146329633711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482373867638824,0.0,0.2976470653298307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819828079840018,0.0,0.15855896231881056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811959798263725,0.0,0.0,0.05289035672300886,0.10425115109203432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139987823972974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184644517596443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836485111534717,0.0,0.0,0.09243534334589792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523162026772166
suicidewatch,zikeel,2018/02/13,"I, like my life, am a mess, and I'm so tired of trying. I've been out of work for like two months now. I had a job that was paying me good money, but every day I went in I seriously, literally considered walking out into traffic or driving my car off of the bridge, and I had to leave. But now the stress of not having any money is just as bad as the stress of working at the call center was.

I got an email today from our property management company that they are starting eviction proceedings on us, and I still haven't managed to get a job. I'm going to have to make my housemate pay everything because I can't get my shit together, and my husband is rapidly deteriorating in mental health and his disability application hasn't been approved yet.

I don't know what to do. I got signed up with a staffing agency and got a job placement right away, but after working one day they told me not to come back because it came up that I've never worked with Outlook. (I suspect it had more to do with the fact that I'm trans and the manager couldn't figure out what to call me, but w/e)

My housemate JUST finished loaning us $500 to get our car out of the shop so I could work, and the last thing I want to do is ask him for more money. I would LITERALLY rather die. I also literally have no other choice.

I've been so stressed for so long with trying to take care of my husband, who has severe bipolar with anxiety, paranoia, and hallucinations. He used to have anxiety-related seizures almost daily, but his psychiatrist has managed to get those under control. Now he just has hysterical crying fits almost daily and uncontrollably punches himself in the head. It's a lot to take care of when I also have a lot of mental health stuff going on.

We're almost out of food and we can't get food stamps until my husband gets something from his psychiatrist sating he's unable to work, which might take a while. I had to have our friend buy us gas yesterday because we don't even have enough money for that.

Everything is happening at once and I'm SO STEESSED AND I WANT TO JUST DIE.

I also cureently have the worst migraine of my life and am trying stress-clean the house.

Just

Someone help me come up with a plan to get through all this bullshit?

I need advice. I've got way too much on my plate and I'm scared.",5.022080088987766,5.367578150537637,5.965383759733037,80.85290322580646,68.56989247311827,8.650352243233224,30.01297738227661,8.53829466247534,2.113040786058584,1820,65,368,26,29,603,219,465,0.165,0.772,0.063,-0.9944,7,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,8,0,2,9,23,16,1,5,21,0,40,11,2,3,3,68,77,34,2,7,14,3,0,2,1,2,7,0,0,0,17,32,2,1,3,1,9,10,11,10,0,2,16,0,49,6,66,57,8,55,0,0,0,0,29,23,1,7,23,252,66,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972441487695334,0.0,0.0,0.21434636741388832,0.0,0.0,0.17118066857316186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852185288499247,0.0,0.05458413658392352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670455159155765,0.0,0.06703761648434267,0.054865335854104885,0.05957599625273264,0.13048667483333015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457168777694984,0.08160775717955229,0.1454963770192497,0.0,0.0,0.12292697696799465,0.0,0.0,0.08002741125080882,0.056968820184526925,0.0,0.07837689606646134,0.09203236187059734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481043627191358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372575966916592,0.0,0.04712736785844069,0.0,0.060117194528705675,0.0,0.12825327549937732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725584072666928,0.0,0.05512643060210458,0.0,0.2609495734196057,0.0,0.08110204890352883,0.059846729212388136,0.22826706708782085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309639793035282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322780665648641,0.1516878230413759,0.0,0.0,0.04782578702342686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823307063535147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241775252321055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03921323045668187,0.0581614585078074,0.0,0.07555153739723604,0.0,0.0,0.1007961512667218,0.06971803241043546,0.0,0.0,0.06314433470301864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132195297477093,0.0,0.0,0.047628059328453584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438122043563745,0.07569326828438021,0.0,0.0,0.05695253979634653,0.0,0.05245197972263582,0.052906654190557664,0.055031113419065324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598762354986538,0.0483500077615889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060934276058121926,0.0,0.0,0.07143586735776697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806075270791706,0.07324187226156591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045637551858394,0.05493030775529846,0.0,0.0,0.050503360850833616,0.0,0.05698185353113293,0.0,0.3269342104622688,0.0,0.08168104682246757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609436253811304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474031433651943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200870564712531,0.06763341731607257,0.06817995852872706,0.0,0.14533011113330427,0.0,0.06970060240023476,0.0,0.2574832567210781,0.061625277376374986,0.0,0.0,0.08417059653840185,0.056635950270987674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661440817159134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31167093103660803,0.0,0.0,0.05068646178925397,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scaredshatless,2018/02/13,"Im gonna do it today 
I don’t know why I’m writing this here. I guess it feels good to have someone listen. I’m going to kill myself. I’m almost certain of that. And I’m sorry. I’m broken.
I don’t think I’m looking to be talked out of it, i don’t know what I’m looking for. Maybe just to explain it and to have someone understand. Maybe. I’ve never really told anyone about my life and even writing this I feel like I shouldn’t. But I’m gonna die soon so what the heck?

I’m a 19 year old girl. I’m pretty isolated. I’ve been sick for about a year and a half and recently got diagnosed with POTS. There’s no cure and my quality of life is zero. I’m in pain every day. I get dizzy, bad vision, shaky, cold, lightheaded, weak, fatigued, and confused. It gets worse when I stand up and move around. I can’t go for a walk, I can’t drive, I can’t read or focus. I don’t think I’ll get better, lots of people don’t. It’s a scary condition. I’m scared. 

Before I got sick I was an athlete. I was nationally ranked and had a full D1 scholarship early in high school. I traveled the country on a national team. It was pretty cool. At that time (16 years old), I had already moved out of my home (I grew up in a home with a severely mentally ill mother and an absent father. It was a pretty abusive situation that I don’t like to revisit.). I lived out of my car and on teammate’s couches. What kept me going was my sport and my coaches who took me under their wing. I looked up to them as parental figures. I called one “mom”. I spent Christmas with her and her family. She sexually abused me when I was 18. I didn’t see it coming. I still wonder if it’s my fault. After the assault, she ruined my reputation with my friends and coaches, by saying I made it up. None of them will talk to me. I feel stupid for missing her, but I really do.

Getting sick was the last straw. I was barely treading water when I was healthy. But I have no reason to live now. I’m watching my old teammates compete in the olympics this week and I can’t even go for a walk anymore. I don’t have any friends or family. I don’t know how to be an adult or a woman. I need a parent. I had one.. My sexual life is ruined due to my coach assaulting me (PTSD). I’m in physical pain everyday. I’m so hurt and angry and sad. I hate myself. I’m a fucking freak. I have no future. Things are only going to get worse. I just want to be healthy. My life is already over. My 20th birthday is coming up and I just want to end my suffering. So I think I will. And that feels pretty good.

Sorry you had to read this. Sorry if this was hard to follow. I would have preferred to write it better, but I can’t focus well or see well. Thanks for your time and kindness. I appreciate it. I think it’s my time to go. It is what it is. Thanks again.
",-0.6388499999999979,1.4624548150000043,2.06366666666667,94.51600000000002,90.85,4.933333333333334,18.166666666666664,6.492673932590155,-0.06168333333333331,2139,61,492,26,75,739,259,600,0.18600000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.11,-0.9911,2,0,0,0,1,1,91.0,0,2,3,5,23,37,6,3,22,1,51,15,0,3,2,78,119,38,2,8,13,5,5,2,2,6,13,2,3,3,31,30,1,1,17,8,2,18,20,22,2,4,23,15,80,15,59,87,3,70,0,7,6,1,32,23,2,12,30,304,111,6,0.0,0.16041122850688108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778516566258372,0.0,0.14940270890040575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603383592287024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713366685771953,0.04733280192107346,0.0,0.0,0.06026148126041469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652116465832796,0.0,0.0,0.05760210082049379,0.0,0.0,0.11973862931618835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912253390583878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662374686415465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365664534686033,0.0,0.0,0.06870737997151173,0.07025506578482978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059956263343227414,0.0,0.0,0.08942170962078848,0.0,0.05703461233512905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763063317985712,0.0,0.13691127578051096,0.04836018123531962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459951178557177,0.0625814610611803,0.17683504784378015,0.0,0.23083032841404796,0.11355603091305767,0.10828119793592657,0.0,0.07457191616121579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063999350890185,0.06683322169194224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152179779196273,0.13580400688613026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246718888835292,0.0,0.07312049240305839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489272174644114,0.07049226316681996,0.11160757325944423,0.055179159054977764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912554122806063,0.0661431555891795,0.0,0.11954903159817082,0.0,0.17053623064057746,0.0,0.0,0.05755051121316685,0.0,0.06405313547970612,0.0,0.0,0.13601424555589062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821902942102223,0.0,0.0,0.07928169644245715,0.0,0.14389475061904314,0.0,0.0501938012138331,0.05220932621412008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130985202491519,0.0,0.09174160473393188,0.05148388400856836,0.1440611088697948,0.0,0.15033102799956494,0.0,0.0,0.04693008283428557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754741117285722,0.0,0.0,0.07912996658397008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542344529039071,0.0,0.08673225578834415,0.0696000934769923,0.06683906970753818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383251175479821,0.0677729064623678,0.06850933867327227,0.10788575714580467,0.0,0.0,0.0764742781877266,0.0,0.0,0.07609022216841965,0.0,0.0,0.11471280281527335,0.0,0.0,0.22733167040418034,0.0,0.0,0.05406003975673617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881878766610237,0.0,0.12464598273656527,0.0,0.0,0.0449724895929639,0.17350079938569346,0.0,0.0,0.11841770448039657,0.0,0.06416543166664725,0.06468394831455962,0.07520986243929371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047122074264417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985464693120409,0.0,0.05429956536428192,0.0,0.12172899942199238,0.0,0.06108276793806031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341060886667647,0.0,0.0,0.13797072346229433,0.04808745187550376,0.0,0.0,0.13077699798948444
suicidewatch,anonymousheartbreak1,2018/02/13,"I seriously cannot go another month like this, let alone another 60+ years... I do not want to live with this anxiety and depression Using my throwaway.

I am 26. I had an amazing life growing up. I grew up with everything that I wanted and an extremely supportive and involved family. I drive a nice car. I own a home. I have a great job. I am in great shape and I have a large social circle..

Yet, I do not want to go one more fucking day with this crippling anxiety and depression. My life turned to shambles a few years ago when my mom died and then my dad turned out to be a narcissistic cheating liar. It felt like I went from having everything in my family life to nothing. I was just left with nice material possessions which provide me no joy.

I feel completely out of control with my emotions. I cry all of the time. I am too sensitive. My boyfriend tells me that I am too emotional and that I am draining. Well, fuck, maybe I am just an emotional train wreck.

I think about ending myself daily but overdosing sounds too risky of possible failure and shooting myself in the head with my dad's gun sounds way too messy.
I would like to just disappear but I know it would hurt some of those closest to me like my cousin and brother. It would probably destroy them. But is their happiness worth more than mine? When I think about living with this depression and anxiety for another 60 years or so I feel physically ill.

I have tried everything. Therapy, working out, etc. I feel like working 40 fucking hours a week messes with any chance of solid recovery. I dream of going somewhere for a week by myself and not talking to fucking anyone so I can just focus on what is going on and try to fix it. Or maybe that would completely back fire and I would end up hating myself more.

Rant over...",2.91381001997048,5.190512252148999,4.155175827038296,84.10862898324221,76.90830945558739,8.012537987323089,26.621602847963878,8.841846274778883,2.246160649474689,1412,56,273,33,33,462,181,349,0.196,0.6779999999999999,0.126,-0.981,1,1,0,2,0,0,41.0,0,0,2,3,17,28,8,0,13,0,25,9,1,2,1,55,49,23,1,8,12,5,5,5,0,5,4,2,1,0,15,24,0,1,7,1,1,10,5,14,1,1,4,7,49,14,42,38,8,43,0,4,0,4,11,15,4,3,22,191,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971458252900697,0.0,0.0,0.08145312722221204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348170742943966,0.2474003183364961,0.18049101484165786,0.0,0.0,0.05499083475033235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060473614788002936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491683849418196,0.0,0.08820773198821896,0.0,0.0,0.08638850281726491,0.050719908236706746,0.0,0.2032120298337651,0.0,0.08162172016331133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653971564632489,0.13931332335882365,0.0,0.08771063721883728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204479268494286,0.0,0.14828015189079755,0.0,0.11929674089108695,0.056184435040250266,0.07551211288717351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908263735908307,0.0,0.0,0.17878443602174113,0.0,0.0,0.17341411157745476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371970761153731,0.0,0.07764625166332374,0.08071307871495327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888795294181923,0.0,0.07745007775308135,0.0,0.08419174541210345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804362651602416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432215670662507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544867859912776,0.08042045824723605,0.16664914728743865,0.19211134727113585,0.0,0.1388910179485985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580201593289806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921087806097556,0.06277417059837401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546257789134475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329229647197212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866110152025082,0.0,0.0,0.08479326252838143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016928895885995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924609915423315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321235725973295,0.06873972413150896,0.0,0.08993810193184533,0.0,0.0,0.10078585463817027,0.0,0.0,0.04585888400362486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679040503999823,0.17108766647441845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679245506702555,0.0,0.0,0.13916164420486907,0.0624252196131221,0.12616951901310045,0.0,0.07071184273751813,0.07290526260207096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450987240374233,0.0,0.0,0.2793379022923492,0.0,0.0,0.1519355709720298
suicidewatch,dustarma,2018/02/13,"Banned from r/offmychest not even posting there so posting this here I recently lost someone I cared very much about because of my own mental problems, before meeting them almost half a decade ago I was able to just not care about life and kept going on autopilot, then I met them and we started dating and suddenly there was someone I could talk to about my own problems and insecurities, someone I could talk to whenever I wanted to cry and they'd cheer me up, of course I did the same for them.

But my mental problems didn't go away even with treatment and a few days ago I managed to drive this person away in a fight I caused because of my own insecurities, now I'm alone, feeling like death, contemplating either disappearing or straight up killing myself, thoughts I don't want but won't stop, won't go away, and I have no one to talk about this.

I ruined the one good thing I had going for me in my life and I'm never gonna get it or anything like it back ever again, I'm a terrible person who deserves this.",7.490394088669952,6.1742041724137975,7.440300492610838,77.87582019704435,63.92610837438424,9.893399014778325,35.07832512315271,8.548686976883017,2.7003422660098524,809,30,161,9,10,260,117,203,0.18600000000000005,0.727,0.087,-0.9467,0,1,0,0,1,1,15.0,1,0,4,1,15,16,2,2,6,0,12,2,0,1,2,35,31,14,2,7,8,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,8,10,0,3,2,0,0,6,8,10,0,3,9,1,27,6,25,16,7,31,0,2,0,0,14,9,0,3,16,115,35,1,0.11080047258957353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964358672653847,0.0,0.11095066820335253,0.11475587392863967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117934812911238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31230207397927545,0.08519872411637434,0.0,0.1350858793555977,0.0,0.0942830413333103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593693253893746,0.11382260674435613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693032289252658,0.0,0.12170911635027536,0.07145713852587947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636533432253726,0.10022537090403943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602404812298781,0.07915587975697258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057888673807192925,0.0,0.2518818478821898,0.0929341795153184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258430646459338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565233010985616,0.1082630283184301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095180452499305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223321631642025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145109621911048,0.0,0.08545615509354554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016253553092834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349339778351468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223244932255775,0.0,0.0,0.3180632650126281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940209961359196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816426425920652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784251447858028,0.0,0.0,0.09263415640162348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671716684605783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361091062232084,0.0,0.0,0.08796319870323216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142199385061174,0.13070597894917324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,runthrowaway28,2018/02/13,"Anyone need help or want to help me kill myself? Hurry please. I just wanna fucking die, like right now!",0.9788333333333306,3.57450055,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,93.5,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.5643333333333334,81,1,15,0,3,25,19,20,0.27,0.364,0.366,-0.1044,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396562947101361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557167137218002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31686358015479577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594714559055735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791981768676639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744860800097008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541421578292139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762326892325207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292703604869724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216074289063013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Petgundam,2018/02/13,I don't know what am I fighting to live for anymore Everything good just becomes muddled in the chaos in my mind,8.705217391304348,6.1765508260869595,8.25826086956522,76.8204347826087,62.47826086956521,10.93913043478261,44.73913043478261,8.841846274778883,4.072339130434783,91,5,18,1,1,29,21,23,0.238,0.6509999999999999,0.111,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,2,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112347496737387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579632362235328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37267279899734734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478000542220115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22788820472800494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661554506415179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41869190846068255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cinfessae,2018/02/13,"ah... i'm going to be frank; the only thing keeping me alive right now is the idea that i can get a gun in the future.

the only reason i haven't killed myself yet is because i don't believe any other method would be successful. my ideal is to be able to die at the hands of a gun, and the only way i could see myself doing that is if i go to america and somehow get my hands on one.

this is preventing me from getting any sort of help. if any psychiatric disorder is put on my record, i won't be able to buy a gun, and in which case i would resort to messier methods and probably fail. 

i'm not even sure if this is true or if it's my overwhelming fear of failure coming into play.  i don't understand anything anymore.  I visited america last year and the only thing i could think of was running away, finding a gun and ending my own life. i should have done that. now i will suffer.",4.370513196480935,4.103700596774196,5.849706744868038,83.24001466275662,69.91397849462365,8.914173998044966,28.737047898338226,8.575989854853784,1.9246731182795704,685,22,148,10,11,234,106,186,0.166,0.728,0.106,-0.8678,0,0,2,4,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,1,2,11,1,26,3,2,1,2,31,38,11,2,10,6,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,2,5,1,1,6,5,5,1,1,2,3,21,5,18,25,1,22,0,3,1,0,2,8,0,7,7,105,31,2,0.2758474985777025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813786373699316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367832980775434,0.0,0.0,0.113499493799668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958390262906747,0.0,0.0,0.08407703740452603,0.0,0.0,0.15539283469844653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188090974089652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202417816990492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314307641008586,0.0,0.15807256583828205,0.0,0.0,0.14114388162544186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221595039322562,0.0,0.0,0.09109733561542666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520256303475416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605980815061338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617839923181054,0.0,0.15677049034980764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244738184045884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569912481064985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259296558141185,0.1525921934845726,0.0,0.0,0.11242626410801104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974196230125686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346070201281304,0.4195889056653797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870512938070082,0.0,0.0,0.13865146283046706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180858543694502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778612829011613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990737113519666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999150144421626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326082090289567,0.08837596942738904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358348715196187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094774523633981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595414853822246,0.0,0.0,0.0888183725342721
suicidewatch,lonelyboy375,2018/02/13,"I am at a complete loss I am 24. I live alone in an apartment I hate with no way out, far away from the end of the lease. Breaking it is completely unaffordable. I have no single friends left, every single one is now preoccupied by a relationship and they barely have time for me. My parents have no time for me, have neglected me my whole life and emotionally abuse and manipulate me on a regular basis. They made it so that I still have to rely on them for money and other necessities, so they have forcibly become heavily involved in my life whether I like it or not. I try to explain my feelings but I always get shot down, gas lighted, or something dismissive and abusive like that. I am so depressed I am barely functioning. I barely make it by at work, and work usually takes up so much emotional and physical energy that I have none left when I go home at the end of the day. I hate myself, I am disgusted by myself, I can't even look in a mirror. When people tell me positive things about myself, I dont believe them. I feel like I will never have an independent life away from my family, and even if I did achieve that, I am so depressed and broken that I feel like I won't have any ability to take care of myself and build a happy life for myself. I have no goals, no aspirations. I gave up on all hobbies and interests because they dont make me happy anymore. My life is just nothing but pain, disappointment, and regret. I dont feel like my life has any purpose. I feel like my life is a mistake. I feel like everyone, including myself, would be better off if I died. The only thing that keeps me from ending it all is the fact that committing suicide is so hard and a lot of people aren't successful. If I had access to a gun or some other means of dying that is more reliable, I would have used it a long time ago. I have tried getting help and it doesn't change anything. Nothing in my life ever changes. I could put a gun to my head and still nobody will think I am important enough. I am so tired. Just let me die. ",4.393738934056007,5.010091065853661,5.758563685636858,80.82301264679316,70.04878048780488,9.000903342366758,28.84372177055104,9.150863307647796,2.275206865401988,1587,56,323,30,27,536,197,410,0.202,0.653,0.14400000000000002,-0.984,2,1,1,2,1,1,43.0,0,0,6,7,18,25,3,0,18,0,44,11,1,6,6,59,68,33,4,8,12,1,7,7,1,5,10,0,1,0,19,17,0,2,9,0,1,2,15,11,0,1,4,9,66,14,39,56,11,42,0,6,1,0,14,21,0,8,24,246,85,5,0.0,0.16676805715191334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238406020692864,0.0,0.0,0.07288829120591557,0.0,0.0,0.05855845323172034,0.0,0.0,0.0957161596674351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979406177208734,0.0,0.0,0.05791343528552637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322411000739882,0.0,0.0,0.042900544325952236,0.07772474097504857,0.0,0.07928963006678452,0.0,0.06224183544681625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175300213089751,0.0,0.14889691106713174,0.0,0.14757575256907904,0.0,0.0,0.05618949364703784,0.0,0.0,0.0453866851718158,0.0,0.12122945725305062,0.0,0.21911746955132885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474403739974071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583270107624145,0.18699668928867288,0.07271720023576682,0.0,0.09296534238575292,0.0636591031951642,0.059294798612766764,0.0672472649810244,0.0,0.0,0.0663442108342193,0.0,0.21350526091563024,0.2513830715965969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054372307730222835,0.0,0.07353708998995122,0.0,0.03999629136487117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983307912577698,0.06304305501126682,0.13896342093396793,0.07222605915979137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047171536068554884,0.0,0.07059284625101382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255340478602757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292741681734953,0.07196420787683698,0.3976690886630384,0.24067504369626186,0.0,0.06214327986760732,0.06228052787734172,0.05909809872758734,0.0,0.0,0.059831141700330125,0.0,0.06659145408876822,0.0939530265288434,0.0,0.0,0.07666007386740467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173444301379607,0.0,0.05427829447466498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505530211229252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047688585530720175,0.05352410420804863,0.07488500481228896,0.0,0.07814419758047643,0.0,0.0,0.09757968702192736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074729808089512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555746526343249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417886782012892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240469739809207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697989985906607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058279574287842,0.0,0.061511708644937414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350934824841776,0.04509408645700695,0.0,0.0,0.12311040001628085,0.08088683651925994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955613419153102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060782251070336475,0.07750919955079885,0.0,0.0,0.05586117735346673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857226862630308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246910352436607,0.0,0.0,0.09998615430240766,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xPeridotTheCgx,2018/02/13,"Why can't my suffering just end? I am 19 and In eternal mental agony. Nothing Is worth It anymore I've long since lost the concept of joy & happiness. I really don't have any family anymore. I've never had one friend. All people tell me Is ""Go to a counselor"" I outright refuse to be seen by quacks and used as a Human Test Subject for their drugs. Because at the end of the day counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists only care about that big fat paycheck nothing more",2.5731521739130443,5.205616967391304,3.7740869565217374,84.3904782608696,80.41304347826087,6.288695652173913,26.591304347826085,7.554174236665415,1.7283486956521732,379,16,69,6,10,123,75,92,0.117,0.7490000000000001,0.133,0.5514,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,8,2,1,1,2,8,13,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,3,1,6,4,10,9,2,10,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,6,39,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841480298891496,0.0,0.1308068920453402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815257250331711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172568329073987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611708694281524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240520147944344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306884849431446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407359960060675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133364427861748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861174147050615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931885660595836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476374599778827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022668512577085,0.0,0.0,0.2099764327802448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384696143647284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835478210620828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691365049524423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034362600810032,0.1462934105440875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335361166227386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322649842567572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911670070127726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681253293111433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613155775691446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735690035671101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Byeworld6280,2018/02/13,"I'd like to kill myself I don't really know where to start but I really need to write about this because I got nobody to talk to. 
So I've started going to parties when I turned 16 and I was really enjoying it.
So i had a group of friends that I'd go party with. Boys started taking an interest in me and I thought: Yeah, I'm quite pretty and I like the attention. I can't lie - I liked it when boys saw me and found me pretty. So yeah, i felt good, cause I've never found myself beautiful or worthy of love and even when anyone would touch me inappropriately against my will I would always think: That's how they show you love. You are NOW worthy. But afterwards I feel even more worthless. I have issues and I don't know how to deal with this myself. I get seen as an object and that's how i get this feeling of being worth something. And I know that it is wrong but I don't really know what love even feels like. I don't even know if i want to experience love anyways. My life has really been a shitshow and I have too many problems in my private life with my ""family"" and I can't even try to be positive about it. I just can't deal with all of this shit anymore.

I just had to get this off my chest. What the fuck is wrong with me? ",0.16363751584284006,2.3091519353612178,2.3658821292775656,93.7147801013942,86.68060836501901,5.63594423320659,17.51191381495564,7.03164865440522,0.019722027883397164,961,23,220,14,30,324,127,263,0.116,0.6,0.284,0.9951,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,1,1,22,19,3,0,6,2,22,9,2,4,2,48,56,25,1,6,7,0,5,4,1,3,2,0,0,2,15,15,0,0,14,1,1,2,8,7,0,0,11,7,41,12,26,40,2,15,0,1,2,5,15,4,2,2,13,148,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312025588097198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906853670659757,0.06984858185211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060894781624363785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261920512606393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597375939464815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298969926932844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771602393117357,0.0941716776387513,0.0,0.15152903585940145,0.07136467608722721,0.0959144195896015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905840407612495,0.07717827029158877,0.09235088834685252,0.15657231533727886,0.0,0.11354473313639925,0.08378679687352872,0.07989478554094652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426394159744147,0.0,0.0,0.11051850287157604,0.0,0.27449712108483715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411169292451511,0.19521369661706026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36063487355620777,0.0,0.0,0.10127737988164152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407053227905873,0.0770448240438327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032573105781524,0.0,0.09558557937646522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625013471528473,0.0,0.0,0.31997498678360825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102540305119072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690369379686865,0.0,0.0,0.21211759904316066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510825863204522,0.08029144365906991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400838475348802,0.0,0.07930510282149457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782183232280949,0.10865656913449002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892038518812644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192442374260972,0.21843798562110614,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MainlyMax97,2018/02/13,"How do I tell my family they were part of the problem? Hello everyone,

to whoever you are, thank you for reading, I'd personally give you karma points if I could.

So this is just to ask general advice. 2016-2017 have been relatively rough years for me. I've had ups but the few downs that I've had go quite low.. Suicidal thoughts came to me as waves, every time they hit harsher. I've dreamt the life flow out of me exactly 3 times over the past 2 years and it felt real, when I woke up in the morning I'd tell myself that it wouldn't be that hard. I wanted to bleed myself to death so I thought I'd basically faint before being able to realize anything which is why it was relatively easy to picture...and at times I thought I'd never had the courage to pull through. Things got a bit better for me as well, so things got easier to cope with. But it was real. I had letters to family, letters to cancel subscriptions, logins to accounts, lists of things I'd need to take with me and even 2 life insurances. I only let myself diagnose with anything after getting them so I'd be sure that a) I'd get them an b) that the person receiving the money wouldn't have any problems...otherwise it'll all have gone to waste..

Part of my problem was not being successful at engineering which my dad really pushed me towards. Anything else I wanted to really do such as being a Policeman for example was shunned outright...same thing for being a financial advisor. (I come from a middle-eastern family)

They've never heard anything of the sort because they think everything is just phases with me. How do I tell them that if I would have pulled through with taking my own life, they'd have partly been responsible for it as well?

Love to you, anonymous redditor!",4.984103892821032,5.860028828488375,5.987810920121339,78.77215369059658,68.8546511627907,9.470980788675432,29.78210313447927,9.653516015845867,2.7170676440849344,1383,51,265,30,23,459,181,344,0.09,0.8170000000000001,0.093,-0.5349,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,4,7,3,14,11,0,0,15,0,36,7,0,2,5,43,61,17,2,11,7,1,3,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,19,10,0,0,6,1,2,9,5,3,2,0,21,4,37,8,49,26,7,30,1,1,0,1,25,11,0,3,10,182,56,2,0.09413177123561724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198447741126548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401283235619691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098497087208263,0.0,0.08800049925023243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738185404571955,0.0,0.08009920418895906,0.0,0.0,0.08325190212065282,0.1027675142742911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766166930355707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810861859228394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515655975970288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554176634593337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863501614229265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217314712324705,0.0,0.07931007713601065,0.08994694134406694,0.08459956633492491,0.0,0.2662171692235132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038126221916506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835993065005624,0.09029977234913766,0.05349725486072068,0.0,0.1505715531161511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843235776629621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625611371104258,0.1994641614927541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495759868986574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979751563186777,0.1452004500330628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159145376475264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058066055220932,0.08985942687632646,0.0,0.16438446362253195,0.0,0.0,0.08898494989497724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014278459819252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012072561782843,0.0941572446297658,0.21428512746700806,0.12060644607059055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296487952706156,0.0,0.08871808038581552,0.0,0.14155075425142238,0.0,0.24682595125708434,0.08666388795143966,0.0,0.0,0.2501478644342105,0.06031583813344999,0.0,0.22419033522059995,0.1646669783854211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104271508972574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927153422416202,0.0,0.08493928227973184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668685095133254,0.0,0.0,0.1212355488887764
suicidewatch,whysenpaiwhy,2018/02/13,"The only reason I live I’ve been in and out of suicide and depressing thoughts since I was 14. Thought it was getting better this year (16 going on 17) and then I crashed December got 3 F’s and 2 D’s. It just hit me like a truck. The only reason I live are my parents since they’d be shattered if I died and I can’t do that to them. But everyday is so meaningless, so empty, so devoid of anything I enjoy. And for what? So I can live life going to an average college doing a 9-5 shitty job with no hope and aspiration in life? I’d rather die than go through that. It’s not worth the 1-2 days of freedom (weekends). There’s literally no point to living and I’m as irrelevant as the bacteria on your face. Why don’t I just die honestly I wish I could. I need help? Lol. Help won’t be able to help a demented soul like me. Oh well~ 

First time posting on reddit about this sorry for being a messy fuсk sitting in the bathroom cutting class holding back tears. Fuсk you. ",-0.1676583710407229,2.074190220588239,2.393529411764707,91.87703619909504,90.42156862745098,5.2953242835595775,21.571644042232275,6.8449194561589275,0.6316318250377071,751,28,164,11,26,258,133,204,0.202,0.644,0.154,-0.8663,2,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,0,2,2,2,11,9,1,0,10,1,16,3,1,2,0,25,28,17,4,6,6,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,4,1,1,3,6,2,1,1,6,0,19,7,22,15,0,21,1,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,10,99,27,3,0.12693169056812628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445396605661267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760263502121956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226076531308507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013446263929843,0.0,0.0,0.08186043961967891,0.0,0.10932607909149898,0.0,0.3952051646407068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796803115416403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631656940951765,0.0,0.2164146146754696,0.0,0.10151886837793743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552389097478313,0.0,0.0,0.1260718091427134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596011700770748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931121372864858,0.12402482488848525,0.0,0.4483320330721176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411824021065444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930745408761948,0.0,0.0,0.14094262102307492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199914755350498,0.0,0.12156547240422802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610138366944901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999841222770385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208963554044962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388426676344977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015391678073392,0.07401488952789048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412683370396183,0.0,0.11453610777622544,0.0,0.14596517988339913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173984710692671
suicidewatch,GearKnight,2018/02/13,"No Reason Left When I was 9 I became depressed. It wasn't till a year later that I realized that. On the bright side though, I learned who I was, what I liked, what I hated, my passion, what type of person I am, etc. I've been depressed for 6 years now and all of that is gone. I can't feel anymore, my memory is shit, I lost my sense of humor, I've become completely unmotivated, and so much more. I don't know what to do to start feeling again. But even if I do, I'm just gonna feel depression again. But I'd rather be depressed than like this. If anyone who has experienced this knows what to do then please tell me because that's the only thing that'll help me. The amount of dread and agony from feeling nothing is making me consider suicide and I don't want to hurt my friends and family. But I think this may or may not be the end. My passion was the only thing that kept me going. I'm not sure if I'll wind up pussying out or not.",1.9644000000000013,3.2348712400000004,3.622,91.3585,76.6,6.6000000000000005,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.5391999999999997,728,20,168,8,16,243,116,200,0.195,0.6659999999999999,0.14,-0.9313,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,9,17,2,1,6,0,21,3,1,2,2,36,39,18,1,5,13,0,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,19,6,0,1,10,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,8,6,23,8,15,25,5,18,0,6,1,2,6,5,1,7,13,114,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270263575454842,0.10061293994413256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771549606339996,0.1589178952888339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086848601703626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957373920318922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744599259273956,0.0,0.16047810721598724,0.09503959975558117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356489866432288,0.0,0.29102536525829903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117094245779063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177738984173329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206399468125513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644806963026832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403983342675967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581590441851475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633955744138922,0.0,0.0,0.14059715611398582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707559641737662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960493212629226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577750011842288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806867729654546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887336982425987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564132870539338,0.0,0.15795068939272094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479453939106216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770352220810287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184780987540873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573949750321485,0.0,0.1356169221132879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576833516385116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119148712556866,0.09220046564093133,0.14137359204171926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487148943080079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853240277462047
suicidewatch,weirdhinduhippie,2018/02/13,"Overcome with casual feelings of suicide Nothing has happened. I have a job and a good place to live, supportive friends and boyfriend. Yet this shadow is just following me around. I keep thinking about being dead. Over and over. How much I hate my life and how I'm a failure. Its so casual. Like how you think about what you'll have for lunch today. Suicide just crosses my mind. I wish I was dead, then I wouldn't have to work. Then I could sleep forever. Gee wouldn't it be nice? Any advice?",1.0922125297383012,3.69267741237114,1.917938144329895,94.60174464710549,89.30927835051546,5.046471054718478,21.894528152260108,6.67199483983844,0.5787547977795398,387,14,79,5,13,120,69,97,0.24,0.608,0.152,-0.9327,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,2,0,1,10,8,1,0,3,0,12,3,1,3,0,20,22,10,4,4,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,12,7,10,15,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,54,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745144797395586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740825401588033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987692657805315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132908472095128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216799764203592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611165132372007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947898896455574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868167348948374,0.0,0.0,0.19949317971965025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051413786260824,0.17960089841174434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272149901106315,0.09871668678488864,0.0,0.17842336372660172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402377881247014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853791693500915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938827604796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111050044561425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220669801540625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420433778665424,0.22929616969859326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589447678647979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152998564494908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23235991596045746,0.0,0.0,0.14710264865177214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Radiant0,2018/02/13,"What's the point if no one wants to be there for you? I've been lurking up for a while so I decided to register. 
so, um, things've really gone from shit to shitier. it's never been so intense and the lasts bits of hope are going away with a steady pace. It's overwhelming and everything is in a fog. I am not even a person anymore. 
I have yet 2 more exams in these 2 days and I barely did any studying. It's hard to make an eye contact or leave the house. It's going to be my birthday soon and I don't want it because I don't want to be reminded of wasted years and ugly future. I never had many people around me, but the only few I thought care, don't. 
I know my family would be affected if I die, though I think is for the better because I cost them so much money. I know they'd rather see me get well than dead, but I can't do it. The years of loneliness are stinging so much now. Actually it's a mic of sadness and apathy.
I got an honest hug once and it was the most liberating thing I could imagine. 

I have an appointment to a psychiatrist (I've done some therapy in the past), but I don't see the point of PAYING someone to listen to me. Even if I get myself out of the worst, I'd still be alone. I know I need professional help with some shit, but I also need a friend. Mostly a friend. When I thought I had some I was actually looking forward to live and was doing something, anything. I was almost a human being.

I know I could call a suicide hotline, but then what? It's not personal, I couldn't get what I really need.
I could get into a mental ward, so the people who are paid to give pills would speak 3 words a day with me and after that I'd be alone again.
I just can't stop crying these days, weeks, it's getting ridiculus and I'm sick of it and tired of asking for help and getting turned off.",2.14724525043178,3.3017147953367885,4.162715025906735,88.13491882556136,75.91709844559584,7.219205526770295,23.22936096718481,7.793537801064563,0.9544154749568224,1405,40,315,20,30,482,194,386,0.173,0.715,0.111,-0.9697,0,2,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,1,2,1,21,13,2,1,26,0,40,7,3,2,2,65,75,32,3,17,13,0,1,0,2,2,3,2,0,3,19,18,0,1,9,0,4,4,12,5,2,1,15,7,42,8,38,46,11,36,0,2,4,1,17,12,2,11,22,223,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.18077982663278766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275186578681716,0.191865837119068,0.0,0.0740732235790005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298906448682234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918604062894718,0.0,0.0,0.07622355770494918,0.0824570504083907,0.08659309263650856,0.0,0.08702546371804286,0.0,0.0,0.11292827302959835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192044061022978,0.1011239363344169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945818148412076,0.0,0.0944386923597792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218637052162879,0.0,0.10174564793122848,0.17920891408913864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613148199644253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478887037828226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235760329126515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324655140668713,0.0,0.08731983792671445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312570875455105,0.0,0.29036053178340515,0.08885559307851154,0.10528332874068458,0.0,0.07408171861806459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829749766674354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417092109371675,0.0,0.0,0.0919988218920156,0.0,0.1068783210739908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036199819349041,0.07550280219676098,0.0,0.09807788405098143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817907253405011,0.0,0.07778276865128107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182877862337487,0.0939085361825194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933455306794098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618198550832686,0.20604369708365666,0.1428782350975416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864399307519547,0.06276598224827988,0.07044647974332001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884222901240501,0.12843083591702628,0.16175543556852134,0.0,0.0,0.17512359759687351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186775671289517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476223472980358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901591444149607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848196863391943,0.07130825580137014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397148775745385,0.07743973948936335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131814509188976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592625356775677,0.0,0.06153680201342485,0.05935119690726864,0.09100487552235306,0.14706988127999016,0.0,0.10646031306206187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075082279931996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390018573130968,0.0,0.07429923567672835,0.0,0.08328217321879612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159814064889747,0.0,0.0,0.11929660860118416
suicidewatch,normald1966,2018/02/13,"I am a homeless guy and i am very tired of life I am a 52 years old man who have been homeless for year and a half, I am using the internet currently at a library.i am very tired of not being able to sleep properly in bed ,like people anymore,I am tired of begging from people just to eat a meal,I am tired of people who spit me in the streets and call me a bum.

I smell horrible from not being able to have a bath,my teeth are fucked up from not being able to brush them ,my whole life is simply fucked up,men my age are planning there retirement while me being a bum on a street not being able to have a job and live like a human being,I am tired and depressed and hungry and I don't know if can handle this anymore

Every single day , I am looking at this building where I just wanna go up there and jump to my death,or staring at the highway,where I just wanna jump at a fast car, thinking about this so much ,I am starting to have dreams about it.

Please I am very depressed, very tired, very hungry,I thinking to just end it ,

Please ",11.590391389432485,4.947180694063928,10.836086105675149,73.09643835616441,61.69406392694064,13.427527723418136,41.331376386170895,7.957251820313856,3.4279348988910625,808,22,179,5,7,264,104,219,0.171,0.774,0.055,-0.9813,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,10,6,2,0,15,0,26,14,3,1,0,23,35,11,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,8,0,1,3,7,8,1,0,3,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,1,4,18,2,29,29,3,26,0,2,2,2,7,12,2,1,12,121,25,1,0.3705066919670263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186077007831683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458218940747146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973654126621598,0.0,0.15955843544121287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478021074482984,0.0,0.0,0.08203973921758041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804196695120308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126373322911034,0.0,0.0,0.05264187284373202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171496900662177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191768041420917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090519707949792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084991686047218,0.09050542733959567,0.0,0.08179104925103782,0.0,0.0777830766893653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809126241053236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719611182133207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264701680007926,0.0,0.0,0.20335254335418126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926935668672298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655616358904348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870286390397505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6387644080198588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999970554296798,0.0,0.382133529340734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341437250610257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929708104385245
suicidewatch,purplebananainatree,2018/02/13,If i try to kill myself how do i know i won't fuck up and live Im Australian. No gun. I've got rope at home. I've got knifes. I dont have pills cause my parents don't trust me with them. What are my best options?,-2.2188235294117646,-0.6044867058823513,0.4504901960784302,106.97220588235297,92.52941176470587,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.7043882352941178,162,3,47,0,6,55,39,51,0.222,0.648,0.13,-0.6062,1,0,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,7,10,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,9,2,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897704551150689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836508606155893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32361008142215303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552680945639641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44167609073852615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769704436756731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982565196274357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054853953990224,0.0,0.1517480953717501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381864042130946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065981076550398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746706411590566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,penguinindminor,2018/02/13,"The usual I am feeling particularly low today. 

Im on a PhD program, I have a wonderful and caring partner but everything still seems awful. My life has been relatively easy but I can't cope. I'm pathetic and wallow in large amounts of self loathing in lieu of doing much about the way I feel. 

My life feels like its about to fall apart, I'm just turning up and then hiding and scrolling through miles of pointless internet that I hate.  There is nothing I particularly want to live for. I've barely put any effort in the last few months. I don't know who to turn to. My partner has a lot on, all my acquaintances have much worse mental health problems and better reasons for feeling them. 

I've been miserable for so long that I doubt anyone wants to listen and when they do it's always patronising, unhelpful statements and hollow smiles. I've pissed off student support by crying too much/being uncooperative. 

I'm hiding in the bathroom crying. I just want to yell about how much I hate myself even if it's just to the internet void.  

I wish I had the courage to just end it all and I feel pathetic for not doing so.",3.4742537851477984,5.527547917808222,4.638596491228071,82.33578947368423,74.38812785388129,7.16760394136025,26.59480894015861,8.032893268588372,1.705213698630137,890,33,170,14,19,292,131,219,0.226,0.615,0.159,-0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,2,15,12,3,2,9,1,14,4,1,2,2,36,36,16,0,6,8,0,5,1,2,0,3,2,0,3,7,8,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,3,7,20,5,28,33,8,23,0,2,0,0,7,11,1,5,10,110,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645684731309238,0.0,0.0,0.08700401080259508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945905825788936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131530839181914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044399178165486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107353312343863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331741704813693,0.0,0.0,0.08450357474955034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498478215026388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234531154693185,0.09140080652116253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526297548525224,0.0,0.1359948993064514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819782738909547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031282037691973,0.1042886836226544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807364911322725,0.06250532578949908,0.0,0.1129739139492344,0.11322342515743695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877054233921944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893405586781478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212098452672944,0.0,0.37620431529869947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276247819335973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224218973000452,0.0,0.128615663392078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154426876091413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647233792045615,0.1334699724359213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021735466682467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518550263468513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127275074864265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278325317152034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090852074401675,0.0,0.22638808253609596,0.10155331126516634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712540220456716,0.0,0.13874614788919307,0.0,0.0,0.13038242494790184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeriaIIurker,2018/02/13,I'm going to do it this weekend. I'm done. I can't fathom living anymore. I thought I had a reason to live but that's gone. It's been a 12 year struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and I just can't do it anymore. I'm weak. I'm broken. There's nothing for me to live for and I'm only getting worse with every day. I went to a psychologist but I'm only feeling more pathetic and weak after it. There's no chance for me anymore. I hope anyone in the same situation as me manages to get out. This is a nightmare.,-0.8141964285714279,1.339400258928574,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,95.51785714285714,4.585714285714286,22.17857142857143,6.322622252153567,0.5878107142857147,407,17,87,5,16,144,64,112,0.309,0.626,0.065,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,8,2,0,1,0,16,23,7,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,7,1,9,1,14,16,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057392972082811,0.11885769142327085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096264719309188,0.0,0.14640811112820445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739540048669608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321996751171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594968768287346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762063259625166,0.0,0.09660657737072807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883378235537058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503004680984241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310550363048976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25856299861418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477322486239888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107062712878672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777055692032006,0.0,0.1859363555456417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698987206184108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757809905653608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322956817633187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946497595342676
suicidewatch,temporaryacc29,2018/02/13,"A rant of my pathetic life Hello I'm a female student who's been struggling with depression. I have no one to support me, people who I thought I could trust turned their backs on me. One case, where I told my sister ended up using my insecurity against me, beats me up and then pretend it never happened. But whatever as long as she's pretty its fine. I was once pretty too as narcissistic as it seems. I always had social anxiety but I was considered ""cute"" then, now I'm a monster. I went out to a family gathering couple of days ago and they all couldn't stand the sight of me. Mum admitted I was the ugly sister, aunt looked grossed out, I was the fatter one and another said ""she looks indian compared to her beautiful sister but she's beautiful in her OWN way"". My mum is the person that treats me the worst lol. Oh the irony of motherly love. Its not just family though random people clearly expressed that they think I'm ugly

I have nothing else going for me-no good grades, personality, athleticism or talent. I'm sick of hearing:

- you probably don't look as bad as you think(ppl online)

- beauty is subjective

-its on the inside that matters

-everyone is beautiful

This is all just a bunch of bs society says to seem humble. I know people who act all sweet around others and then give me shit. Heck I know many girls who have bullied me and now want to be nurses???I have caused many arguments in the family and am bringing them down.

I've searched up several suicide methods. Helium, hanging and knife to throat sound good but I don't even have the f*cking stuff. I recently stood inside a very tall building and looked out the window. It was such a breathtaking view and made me feel relaxed which I haven't felt in a long time. Too bad I couldn't fall out. I'm not afraid of heights. This is the way I want to go but its hard to find a building tall enough where I can access the roof or balcony. There's a crane around 4 storeys which I could climb but I'm worried my body would just be even more messed up and survive... :/

Failing is the only thing holding me back. The people I know would victimise themselves for sure after my death. But hey, at least they can finally have a way to gain the attention they want. Then they'll go back to their lives",2.9426719649218964,5.124712426966294,3.9166346944368335,86.31381748424225,76.41573033707866,7.127980268566732,24.78624280624829,8.096554002634818,1.5228553028226912,1790,62,350,31,41,576,235,445,0.158,0.6659999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.9032,0,0,1,0,0,1,55.0,0,2,8,5,19,23,1,3,26,1,34,6,3,3,6,64,73,30,2,9,14,7,3,0,0,3,2,4,1,3,21,17,0,1,12,3,0,9,9,11,0,3,14,14,52,12,45,50,9,54,0,2,6,1,41,22,2,5,19,233,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761442540807924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285483960630491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181165478290716,0.0669812345330936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558894455553381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197889855400508,0.1462136813838433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725662474630163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994565344808303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981505047667278,0.09688068912618718,0.0,0.05646733282673755,0.0,0.07541313146353856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314304158093951,0.0,0.0775499411452838,0.09047028511549894,0.0,0.11566178296510088,0.0,0.0,0.08366492681711303,0.0,0.0,0.24762420653466044,0.0,0.04427169401019584,0.0,0.08406891414216534,0.09591494241159187,0.08002595285821637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839931156335079,0.14928280537247662,0.1468781245353309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774267926995316,0.0,0.0784343063667081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868364637341323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443579078317516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618444393422718,0.0,0.0,0.07731486126262288,0.15497123365416568,0.2941049338716939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902404651822137,0.08284900708681675,0.0,0.17753908933076118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752972832816283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401376599238992,0.0,0.0,0.09324586140114974,0.17799364864423187,0.06659141100803924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24280533567662665,0.15290363311233038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815487457336052,0.09440177522225612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645245105339963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328721641369716,0.06962922446298464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941808745866548,0.0,0.09891503309063654,0.08987649765334434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925382713619784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153409158041004,0.10023236963201657,0.0957736748091512,0.09935919365057036,0.08252189114959396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058169300863963776,0.1122065988668728,0.08602478210018874,0.06951086091812861,0.05105547222227337,0.0,0.0,0.08366492681711303,0.0,0.0,0.09523739830397747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562155262394768,0.0,0.07224409290580264,0.15493101531964842,0.20849716266591745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811666635704297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891887372093273,0.0,0.12439664698327893,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xidis01,2018/02/13,Just constantly thinking on killing myself I just want my pain to end im in constant depression and even looked up places to jump off and kill myself. I'm 20 and have nothing in life to look forward to I'm just sick of it all.It sucks having such poor social skills and anxiety and just want to die.,2.9262903225806447,4.479002274193551,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,74.64516129032259,6.895483870967742,25.30322580645161,7.554174236665415,1.11828,239,8,51,3,5,76,43,62,0.386,0.581,0.033,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,10,5,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,11,10,0,11,0,1,2,0,1,7,1,0,4,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725813279169112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442896277378649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705448883703442,0.0,0.213346010371577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207127753949467,0.0,0.0,0.13577501333946768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220475513947383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548586841953258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519799645838924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34524888252571184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972470059839477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873769872487067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477368096908092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954958949011449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171898329219794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24249739349161675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,literateyev2-2,2018/02/13,"I really badly want to off myself Im American 17 left the states with parents to Morocco, I lost my life my education everyone makes me angry and sick. Morocco is not working out for me I hate my family because they are very religious
and I'm an atheist. no point in life I've been depressed for 3 years now and its not going away should I just do it. what will happen to me where will I go is why I still haven't killed myself or else I would have just done it no point in letting other know nothing works. I could end it short or live a loooong miserable life.",2.2938461538461543,3.983649367521373,4.101205128205127,86.49796153846155,76.69230769230771,7.756923076923077,24.52051282051282,8.548686976883017,1.6053425641025645,444,15,94,9,10,150,83,117,0.217,0.742,0.042,-0.9671,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,3,5,6,2,1,3,0,14,4,0,1,0,17,23,5,1,4,6,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,0,17,0,11,14,0,17,0,3,0,0,2,10,0,2,4,65,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606676056579186,0.0,0.14278450181544425,0.10424486387992396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653593931613353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728890353421892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500051359726232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285520553967535,0.0,0.151462292823029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340543213115666,0.0,0.0,0.16121108336265047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943755266765011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122177238322265,0.0,0.0,0.16883495451113395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471793961401226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919496844785336,0.0,0.09398150140166074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580064658980455,0.17486722306712613,0.36236393385212334,0.0,0.0,0.15100315981146828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667538692994548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414913977771272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408674768773393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898840997887929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32331558969052593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955207672143842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656717605608215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109947464606484,0.10086492421596067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430808339260327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24899166005065085,0.0,0.0,0.12147914681383483,0.0,0.0,0.11012351815304508
suicidewatch,angeleened,2018/02/13,I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like I'm stuck. I'm paralyzed. Nothing is wrong but I feel like everything around me is wrong. I don't like the way the world works and it makes me extremely depressed. People get paid to be nice and everywhere you turn something is falsely advertised. No one trusts anyone because everyone is fake. I'm terrified of growing up. I'm 21 in college and working. My life is not horrible but everyday is the same. I don't know what I want but I know that the material world can't give it to me. I don't want to leave because I love my mom. I can't seem to find happiness in anything anymore. I want to press stop. I want to see darkness. I've been to 3 funerals this year and I noticed that I've been drinking more often. I know I won't kill myself but I ALWAYS think about it as if I'm attempting to attract it. I don't put myself in danger but if I have the choice I won't attempt to get out of it. I enjoy physical pain and I've been really sensitive to words lately. What am I doing here ,0.4331835637480772,2.576644059907834,2.9445449308755762,90.05586501536102,85.3594470046083,6.565975422427036,23.327380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.2792551459293398,799,31,175,16,24,276,112,217,0.17800000000000002,0.603,0.219,0.9176,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,4,4,17,2,0,5,0,21,4,0,1,0,33,49,13,2,6,8,1,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,7,1,1,9,1,1,2,10,7,0,1,6,5,29,10,20,40,2,15,0,1,1,1,4,8,0,4,8,104,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091906733734183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220110522405815,0.09320880297778356,0.0,0.10969730028136146,0.11866824497982315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252097185932168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481398150247454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305865355665625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273770651551614,0.11980445707343595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022065398369283,0.2856958233055254,0.0,0.0,0.12183684847543436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929099875830064,0.12787672169989858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419038966684219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748040814009106,0.0,0.21978010775940468,0.0,0.1503719870220011,0.14114900198370686,0.0,0.0,0.0941560995661289,0.2605011369460419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031147943485795,0.0,0.088981022388539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612327442122914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790816118366866,0.15176674945838775,0.0,0.0,0.0903298010412482,0.0,0.14184416481192336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241575962323216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400668710831082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853975405372659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622551247526334,0.1213543648793354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262343276421397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144757096431783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541540522677707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499576764695715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145030824535759,0.1058099958326092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940928553703587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914925775834541,0.0,0.0858429879836378
suicidewatch,TomatoIceCream,2018/02/13,"I just stared at a wall for an hour straight thinking about jumping. Hi. My name is Tomato Ice Cream. This is a long post about my current situation with life. Long story short, god is dead and I want to die. I don’t want to commit suicide though.

No job. I made new friends but it doesn’t help. The only thing that looks like it’ll work is medication but I’m too poor to do that. I’m supposed to join the military but I don’t have motivation to do anything. I always fall in love with people who are just too far away. 

I want to sleep and never wake up. I want to give my life away to someone who has better use for it. It’s horrible how there are good people who die for no good reason and I’m here, dead inside, doing absolute fuck all. 

I play music. Been a part of my life since I was nine. I’m twenty two now. Started college. Stopped. Living with a friend who was kind enough to let me stay until I’m stable. I’m not though. Can’t find a job. 

I always sleep around 8pm and wake up around 3am. I message this girl that I fell in love with. Lives in the opposite side of the world. I tell myself I’m just messing around. She says she doesn’t date and all and I just think “she is still talking to me. I’ll keep talking to her.” She makes me forget all my depression. Then when she’s gone, I fall into deeper depression. 

She just went to sleep. We didn’t talk often today. She’s busy. People are busy with their life. I want to see her. I know she just sees me as a friend and I appreciate that. 

I made new friends. They’re cool. Very rude people but they’re all good people. I wish I killed myself as a millionaire or something so I could leave them a little something. I hope they never find out about me. 

I’m in a band. I’ve been dreaming of this for years and yet... it’s not what I imagined it to be. We have two rehearsals left for the concert and our drummer doesn’t know shit and the vocalist is MIA. It just pisses me off. I want to pull out of the concert. It’s even at a mall with horrible acoustics instead of a theatre like it was last time. Not motivated to do well at all. 

I’m a NEET. Teach music for side money but students are too busy being actual students so I’m doing nothing. Teaching Japanese but students don’t care too much to actually learn. No money there. I sit at my friends home. Browsing jobs. Applying online. Go down to the nearby mall and other restaurants. No one hired me. 

I was in love before. She cheated on me. Tried dating a year or two after. Ghosted. Found another person to talk to. Ghosted after a year. Then dated long distance. We weren’t compatible. Fell in love with my best friend in Japan. She’s got engaged. Fell in love with this new girl. Doesn’t want to date ever. All the way across the Pacific Ocean. I’m a hopeless romantic so I usually try to find happiness in romance but it never works out. I was a creepy nice guy before about girls back in college. Fixed that after an ex cheated on me. I’m just running in a hello-goodbye circle with romantic partners now. 

It’s been a little over a month since my last job at GameStop. It was a seasonal thing so whatever. I was confident a month ago. I want to disappear now. I don’t think I’ve wanted to kill myself in a couple months. I thought I was finally cured. 

Guess I really need medication. I’m 22 years old. Away from family. I have $42 in my account. No job. Hopeless romantic. Hobby isn’t fulfilling. Didn’t finish college. Introvert. No motivation. Sleepy. Hungry but don’t want to eat. Did I mention I have no motivation to live?

If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening. 

>	If you would like to become friends with me, I’m sorry. I’m just not in the right mind to socialise any further. I appreciate it though. 

>	I appreciate any and all advice regarding love, friendship, career, and fulfilment. I will try my best to do them all. 

>	One of these days I will die. By my own hands or not. I can’t wait for the moment that I either: die or find reason to live. 

Thanks again for reading. My name is an inside joke with my best friend. She is tomato. I am ice cream. What a weird flavour of ice cream...",-0.1860555449513264,2.1242853254437857,1.883992651269328,93.69270399885477,95.15384615384615,4.761309410192785,18.64883565565948,6.49319553822756,0.13701431570910527,3200,100,684,43,124,1061,348,845,0.139,0.632,0.228,0.998,7,0,2,0,0,6,130.0,4,1,4,10,44,51,8,0,38,1,59,22,8,11,13,124,121,41,11,17,29,1,1,3,9,4,6,4,1,6,34,34,1,3,19,10,4,12,30,14,1,6,22,14,94,37,106,91,16,117,0,4,7,7,62,50,3,9,54,433,128,24,0.0,0.0,0.09524022729852358,0.0,0.0,0.04768514609487225,0.04325675961005886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120821011582924,0.0,0.0,0.06636905157821718,0.05116928534180088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040156853209443434,0.1303225316043636,0.0,0.0,0.13754286249153727,0.03752289008612392,0.0,0.0,0.053893902143585665,0.08304753935288936,0.0,0.153632454702975,0.043158141754177516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975313171635394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03896148168680588,0.053994404498317515,0.0,0.031470874506443376,0.0,0.08405982990941488,0.0,0.20257977599420013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993285608471825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042170130769602,0.0,0.03223082510426837,0.04414086731083449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046002705980592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534561659781222,0.1784030938657663,0.0,0.0,0.053504830793971815,0.3016116408106665,0.045113253476951325,0.0,0.04681178779274097,0.027733205487512527,0.12278912763180234,0.039028468227162716,0.0,0.05375684266549852,0.04831800132362389,0.0,0.051946710937698974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270848016923518,0.0,0.04894868609611277,0.04846773487613695,0.048056508030460264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24212397670861874,0.04337418219725581,0.10797620517114406,0.05081593306522158,0.05363655260438307,0.07955427524003149,0.0,0.05167036689855728,0.05301950919123292,0.04989958060329817,0.13787076470807938,0.07152117160407041,0.0978174575783579,0.1723592154596662,0.1295549126094807,0.04097829223668977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642542928596092,0.09234828615025586,0.03257325244393347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831833177565057,0.0,0.0,0.049272384676479035,0.0,0.11685104215455315,0.0,0.03587237441078769,0.036183330314350635,0.11290880050191734,0.14138914255688095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468232968338158,0.0,0.051205620091254116,0.0,0.06613399876839003,0.03711331550706209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284381695511322,0.0,0.16915302764565374,0.04260880413833623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673529416803016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762303580823783,0.0,0.03126144846779926,0.10034558496413094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416734921496954,0.0,0.03880637663158723,0.0,0.0,0.07777187406847841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500907664154406,0.0807329365499974,0.05485134769297947,0.14650066183609128,0.0,0.04134665172963732,0.0751346498918703,0.0,0.0546257155414151,0.03453969667158981,0.052012508183285434,0.038970395308212516,0.04079757419995092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337743346561133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688894020023486,0.04265187589958304,0.0898538595732222,0.0,0.0,0.06483886084134423,0.0938039645657425,0.14383228247521912,0.038740409211490884,0.028454688378934063,0.0,0.04625509430669182,0.0,0.0,0.09939255271780413,0.0,0.14300658159217075,0.0,0.0,0.0421460740834527,0.05374444692146877,0.04026371829260187,0.287825089669768,0.03873382899892434,0.0,0.0,0.043875543278315006,0.045236524472822066,0.0,0.0,0.05611565097576866,0.0,0.0,0.07105150520676512,0.0,0.0,0.03466492102828167,0.0,0.0,0.12569805304879206
suicidewatch,yougotthissanic,2018/02/13,"So tired of being alive I''ll try not to ramble too long, but long story short, I'm stuck living with my parents who won't let me go back to my doctor for reasons I don't want to disclose, but I'm really sick of being so controlled by them and their reasoning for everything. They wonder why I'm 25 and still living with them, am unable to work, can't drive, the list goes on. I'm a worthless excuse for someone my age. I haven't left the house in 2 years, I barely even set foot out of my own room anymore, I can't eat, and all I can think about is how much I want to kill myself. If I don't get a doctor soon I'm scared I'm going to just snap and finally do it. I don't know what to do. No one understands what I'm going through and even I'll admit it's a stupid thing making me feel so bad as to want to kill myself, but it's a legitimate problem for me that I wish people would just try to respect. I have 6 months to get better or I'm fucked, because that's when my 26th birthday is, and I'm pretty sure I will no longer be able to be insured under my parents' insurance (as if that really matters because they won't let me go to the doctor anyway).

I just... want everything to end. I've been through so much in my life and not being able to see a doctor for what should be a simple problem is what is doing me in. I can't stand it. I either need to force my parents let me see my doctor, or I need to kill myself. Those are my only two options, and I don't think I can do either.",6.048623853211013,3.5383375932721712,7.23799388379205,81.99790825688073,67.56269113149847,9.820917431192662,30.056880733944954,7.554174236665415,1.70344623853211,1151,27,267,9,15,397,155,327,0.207,0.7190000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9943,3,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,5,3,17,13,5,1,9,0,36,11,1,5,2,52,70,23,3,13,14,3,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,0,14,11,1,1,9,0,0,5,14,10,0,2,2,3,41,3,39,54,6,27,0,1,2,1,11,9,1,6,11,182,55,6,0.17317148250632633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586978904041295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657909040483828,0.07229547725756294,0.10556372841626722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657805182279426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971132713504411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44312087562308383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859882945598692,0.0,0.0,0.07668926674072145,0.0,0.0,0.11437813097627972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556353623150346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378035238802997,0.0,0.0,0.09485044726524386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004712256450276,0.09047495222019547,0.0,0.1968346884934513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990832018199952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873828818553398,0.0,0.047585258979980304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407566121802148,0.2656193603844301,0.06115806969169161,0.0,0.0,0.15291359170171967,0.15325131262934227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057796654635786086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911191259211819,0.0,0.12730096500830354,0.1284044600305536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867273912973987,0.06585235792596225,0.0,0.0,0.2884296567900052,0.0,0.0,0.06002765082339344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808882699034201,0.0,0.1657017214389945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093808600278862,0.17804912568618692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668743199910553,0.0,0.13799525097012064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336381758245451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914748481213771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160603643094916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752371909245595,0.11096129363205914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995175722934214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757206934714047,0.0,0.08458168780406218,0.090138810254715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042820542012648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813016393044846,0.0,0.09956932930450592,0.0,0.09389854288861817,0.06303545086350401,0.0,0.0,0.061508026319967164,0.0,0.0,0.05575837854199904
suicidewatch,Westlives,2018/02/13,"Blank Slate I drive myself to the hospital to ask for help but I back down and make up some bullshit so I don't look like an idiot.
I have had so many strong friendships and relationships and yet at the end of the day the only thing I can remember is how truly alone I am.
I have had opportunity for excellent careers, beautiful girls everything one could ever want but i squander it all.
My 21st birthday ticks past and I dont care anymore. Where I saw the good in all things all I see is the negative. I cant handle my hometown anymore, I cant be around my friends of family my skin just begins to crawl. Ive lost faith in God, destiny all that other bullshit they try to sell you so you wont top yourself. Im leaving and I dont even know where to. Any advice on how to cope with this will not fall on deaf ears. Thanks for reading

",0.9061887477313952,3.1361151724137954,2.697670901391412,92.03284029038116,84.0574712643678,5.732123411978222,21.801572897761645,7.0608816371341465,0.6095333333333333,656,22,143,9,19,217,116,174,0.161,0.612,0.227,0.9322,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,5,13,11,1,0,7,0,18,3,2,3,5,24,29,12,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,1,1,2,8,2,0,1,4,6,23,9,20,21,5,20,1,1,3,0,8,11,0,1,8,100,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597974445485434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693654526469748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112044914176118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324351213851509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557438547733625,0.15287639061436822,0.0,0.0,0.12574276140223994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672746038656638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056361821749662,0.0,0.0,0.10546188353564327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833066578262378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483706688174447,0.0,0.0,0.1080085500232318,0.147920230387764,0.0,0.0,0.14696821562395826,0.0,0.15415942825028034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634114969404606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371593352142902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960921742195397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663805344207048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898705859422291,0.0,0.0,0.17315229721321918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989140846718365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732214153980735,0.0,0.17850987858436235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915605649648807,0.1657914923968145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081064929464124,0.1243702381650056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610576031467524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635720232479781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556762675430554,0.1852450859286084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031046092601126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055440025346373,0.0,0.0,0.21728116863208244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102462179635574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645291578781626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BuffLug,2018/02/13,what can I do Look I don't know this person and its weird typing this but someone posted on the depression subreddit how they've got a gun and they're planning to kill themselves soon and just reading that's fucked me up real bad and I feel like crying because there's nothing that I can really do behind a screen except tell them not to and I'm freaking out real bad my chest is tight and everything I'm so concerned for them,2.5888636363636373,4.627948340909093,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,76.95454545454545,6.218181818181819,23.5,7.1686216300943375,0.9381772727272732,346,11,68,4,8,112,65,88,0.3670000000000001,0.603,0.03,-0.9907,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,1,5,8,2,0,3,0,6,2,1,1,0,17,13,9,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,8,1,8,12,0,5,0,1,2,1,4,3,1,0,2,44,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616438905573063,0.1320154416789608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378854522468905,0.0,0.0,0.18652630864266945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463381414366784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095012964031627,0.15471340864718475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020998498295384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732060633059886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395960471668913,0.0,0.11901794443785088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580226126623013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185926841934308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779905755944084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909538504103496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074085068667402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662266658669824,0.492994627277989,0.13873648309318165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349402634229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928653500269355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,do_you_know_me_-,2018/02/13,"Hey, can someone just chat with me tonight? I'm at a fairly low level of suicidal ideation, but it still never really goes away completely - or at least hasn't for a long time, better half of a decade now. 

Talk about whatever to me, doesn't have to be concern over my mental state, ask questions, interact, etc. Just looking for some company, another human being, a mind aside from my own.

I'll try my best to be good company. 

Tonight, I walked over to the convenience store, and some pop music was playing, couldn't catch any lyrics, but it was light, and sad. And I felt like, ""that's what I want to listen to tonight, that is my mood"". Light, and sad. Except the next though was, ""If I am actually dying, might as well try to enjoy some part of life before that happens"". 

I neglect myself when it comes to self care pretty badly. I am not as bad as I used to be, but, I have gotten really sick in the past due to this directly. I've made some improvements - I don't skip meals, I don't overexercise, I don't give into the compulsion to do as much as I can all the time because I can't stand being myself at any given moment, I try really hard to allow myself to relax and wind down - but I am still pretty awful at this, despite looking fairly chill and lazy externally. 

I do work really hard to improve my state of mind. For right now, that is what I feel I can have complete control over. Everything else is subject to too much complexity, to weigh risk and make predictions of dioceses, beliefs, actions. I try to not let this lack of feeling control for pragmatic, tangible things weigh me down too heavily. I hope it comes in time. 

Anyway. Hopefully someone reads this, and reaches out. I wish I could just pretend that life is perfect, I am happy, and just believe that. I just don't feel that sentiment, and I can't force it. My self neglect amplifies the negative feelings in some ways, but it also mutes other negative impulses and feelings that tend to be more destructive than what I choose. ",5.951277523192132,6.075030634961442,6.597860735442051,77.88317089527217,66.55784061696659,10.055705823180956,31.823069185201746,9.867487886160001,2.965020252598636,1563,58,299,32,23,514,202,389,0.14300000000000002,0.675,0.181,0.9533,0,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,0,6,17,23,1,1,10,1,37,6,0,6,3,67,63,26,2,8,15,0,8,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,23,16,3,4,10,5,1,5,14,9,1,1,7,13,38,13,53,46,15,44,1,5,2,0,11,18,0,11,18,216,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.09254265738366896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583736613377291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897844902932565,0.09943994835524464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886554108709309,0.0,0.0890980793877263,0.0,0.1583620397652002,0.05780889756651714,0.0,0.08069531330287309,0.10684354183928048,0.09952066139745454,0.08387147403909194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668786295016482,0.0,0.0,0.1633792805766845,0.19885975102667205,0.0,0.2127250046989406,0.0757158850451014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842096839988483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922022857067854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576309635200816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852291677527674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23975033324378506,0.0,0.09105389179996336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097179547129876,0.0,0.07954084453027227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385990085418937,0.100950760175065,0.1699022502715406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837976808878856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697246473143144,0.13396573384492566,0.04633027777704381,0.0,0.0,0.08392361246269453,0.15927051693152064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973262714278124,0.06330130505342511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955686663148359,0.10060209745514047,0.19150720416906972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942532263098376,0.0,0.0731405257129337,0.0,0.10085524031189554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269415321729644,0.09052817288790613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295710951621192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623389351964604,0.0,0.09485797558250318,0.0,0.2430080311173401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809862768156175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786156842620534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070222146716892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146641470352554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037311580902586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622262069329573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300237467073881,0.0,0.09317226565125064,0.0,0.16589245231578215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575396612279916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190467000349455,0.0,0.0,0.05593455499900105,0.07527347567051942,0.0,0.0,0.08526563794100457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905247938635723,0.0,0.0,0.06903905302886197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xCremepuffx,2018/02/13,"Help Od?? I've lived with depression for 8 plus years. I've been doing bad lately and for some stupid reason took a handful of Tylenol 15-20 pills 500mg 8 hours ago. I'm a 22 year old female. 5'3"" 170 pounds. I don't want to freak my parents out nor sent to inpatient care. What should I do. Should I be worried. No symptoms thus far",-0.764788732394365,1.3981925915493,0.9733661971831004,100.72990845070423,94.91549295774648,3.966760563380282,16.959154929577466,5.6839178017228535,-0.6735138028169012,258,7,61,2,10,83,59,71,0.224,0.6629999999999999,0.112,-0.8061,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,7,4,1,2,0,10,12,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,1,4,1,8,6,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22530503801852286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122200793847908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591417233732651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891495507637615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703637867119378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503047723972952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28671313678776394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443544050715605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667070831338757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822240384546303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613275478692713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641783890258609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823905535894574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991516552629633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581204475704791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273523592186365
suicidewatch,2kkiddd,2018/02/13,"Feel over it I'm done. The feeling is overwhelming. I've uprooted my life over and over and over and over again trying to find anything worth living for. I have no emotions for my family who have fucked me up beyond repair. Some still reach out but I feel nothing towards them. I had a relationship for 3 years, living together for a year. That ended and I broke any ties to that. I have started another about 7 months later and now she has to move. I'm tired of losing people. I had an abortion with my current girlfriend who will be gone soon, it really took a toll on me surprisingly. I feel I'm going through life with nobody. I hate myself, I just want someone to love and to feel loved even a good friend. I am the most charismatic person you could meet, but it's exhausting because it's all an act, no one knows nor can I express this stuff, because I'm not close enough to anyone to tell. If you saw me you'd think I have everything going. I look great, I'm a life of a party, and it seems on outside everything is great. I lay my head on my pillow every night feeling lonlier than the last, depressed and caught in my own mental illness. I'm tired of losing people I love. My mom (via relationship), my dad (via health), my friends (via distance), now I'm here and im done. At the end of the day everyone wants one simple thing and that's to feel loved. When you don't feel like that for years upon years it's tiring. It's getting old. I should have everything going for me, but how do you stay motivated when you have no one to impress, no one who you think loves you. I can't stop thinking about ending it all, and it's been 3 months of this thought becoming more and more and more frequent in my head. I wouldn't wish this mindset I've had for about a year now on anyone, it is so destructive, it's disgusting, it scares me, I miss me so much I'm a great person and care about people so much, I just want to care about me so bad, but I hate myself. This feeling is overwhelming overtime and it takes you over it makes you want to quit every second of everyday. I hate this. I want to be normal again.",2.8639288140198325,4.254685441108549,4.065448308653719,88.59828386088846,74.49653579676675,7.1264502105692165,23.820744464067374,7.724431198458867,1.009422007879364,1648,48,353,22,34,539,198,433,0.17,0.644,0.187,0.7596,1,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,10,1,4,24,32,6,3,15,0,29,17,2,3,2,61,82,28,0,11,8,2,9,1,3,3,9,0,1,2,28,19,0,1,17,0,1,8,9,16,0,5,11,11,54,16,52,64,11,57,0,7,2,6,32,19,1,4,30,237,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691753682885552,0.07234506965044832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964828775540556,0.0,0.056775276867249085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057606188389558964,0.08411486108027004,0.07619723586655294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068571625748946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550852154273499,0.0,0.0,0.04449471187492327,0.0,0.05942348235840565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120737792094248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760772459172821,0.1833216896093312,0.07128810708676178,0.0,0.045569158753813656,0.0,0.11625898520542274,0.06592567111654501,0.18601910537894506,0.0,0.06504036446950882,0.0,0.3139639422528427,0.049288540454457234,0.0,0.0,0.06305825929246843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066074844317228,0.06378282290142122,0.03604594187520701,0.0,0.11763076243231801,0.05786796989315344,0.0,0.2281947423980291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043486107942353,0.141613236569729,0.07333622482328847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452416959152773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791669268052223,0.056238420614889706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461951736614122,0.03370644522793615,0.0,0.12184398672009412,0.0,0.05793665841171997,0.1543708113823801,0.0,0.0,0.3113439226718602,0.0,0.046053295469282926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952861435775883,0.0,0.0,0.0808036488405071,0.1101389466608108,0.07332853244035065,0.10143543760441584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474516150967867,0.06759839192405567,0.06620054683348843,0.0,0.07239644109256185,0.0,0.1870054942218763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434929663550976,0.12048387553273412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338244002964289,0.0,0.0,0.04419861742585837,0.0,0.0,0.1481451061768057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907392727980301,0.0,0.0,0.062808543577659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058457458985651876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048833528643602915,0.07353724997484727,0.05509781784220079,0.057681152420818775,0.0,0.0,0.07898036234510522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051874073379448486,0.0,0.06030283425039167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583581607881888,0.1326235905908392,0.0,0.05477265480592189,0.0,0.23789156258761684,0.0,0.0,0.07665364878132247,0.04684164925028657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346899531832568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933842834044465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221458229775172
suicidewatch,magicj27,2018/02/13,"I fell in love with a married woman. I fell in love with my best friend, who happens to be a married woman. Not ling after she says she fell in love with me too. For 10 months we were ""together"" trying to figure out how for her to leave her bad marriage. She told me all the time how horrible her husband is and how she wanted to live life with me. She came clean about a month ago to her husband, telling him about me. He guilted her into staying. Saying she disobeyed God and him and now she owes it to him to stay. Well she continued to tell me she believes God will let her leave someday. I found out tonight her husband told her to leave. Literally got a suitcase and put it in front of her, only for her to decide to stay. She has also gone back to sleeping with him. But in the emails she was telling me these things she was also saying how she continues to pray everyday for God to bring us together. I don't know what to do. Her husband threatened to put a restraining order on me. I feel so guilty and also at the same time so hurt by the constant back and forth ""I believe we will be together, I need to stay."" It's driving me insane and I don't know what to believe anymore. The constant pain is unbearable.",2.7933467741935485,4.313038737903227,3.8532580645161296,89.5223870967742,74.92741935483872,6.572903225806452,26.51290322580645,7.1686216300943375,1.1718687096774199,949,35,200,10,20,307,122,248,0.101,0.777,0.122,0.7794,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,1,16,10,0,1,10,0,14,6,1,4,1,35,31,17,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,2,2,3,1,2,8,18,0,1,6,0,1,10,3,4,1,0,9,4,48,6,42,17,3,40,1,1,0,3,53,10,0,0,15,148,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870131547816982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354961921635291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973486092388637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095837378264068,0.08195972348285864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317790232328508,0.1030131450827523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226919620644343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212152754905436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963278080206154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762766710712722,0.07583837943017613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850773329662451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680280066485557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508259691344432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789263217572602,0.0,0.0,0.31181265123191104,0.0,0.10037552442016358,0.06933350011396566,0.0,0.0,0.08667731487541028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26578042245418776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567011785603488,0.0,0.0,0.072784594813426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465530695755228,0.10444944578705416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735636243875526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341829545347616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823115800380602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185031394801144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573892020231577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521332024307401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447608311397553,0.0,0.0,0.18759268495928608,0.0,0.0666443784489372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807471604727884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057897469212344475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825786935550642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crazymf18,2018/02/13,"Need Help to understand that is it worth to live for me I turned 20 yesterday. Only 5 people wished birthday to me which is not of great concern but as I hit 20 I realized until now I haven't done something in my life. My heart is broken and got rejected 10 times I'm nearly bank-corrupt. I don't have any family to turn who lives near me, my nearest family member live 2000 miles away who cannot help me. I'm practically alone paying everything out of my own pocket. currently, I cannot focus my mind on my school-work because I'm too weak to handle job rejection and love rejection and my friend who has everything I don't have said to me that I was lucky because you're living on your own and having fun. Like dude I'm crying in my bed I'm not sure how I'm gonna pay my next rent, I haven't eaten in 2 days. He has everything, he has a family with him to support, a girlfriend who care for him and stable financial situation. I'm finding something worth to stay alive and hustle every day. Need help!! to understand how am I lucky when I have nothing but depression and anxiety with me. My love life is practically dead no one likes me I try my best to stay nice I don't show how weak I'm to anyone, I care for everyone but in return, i get nothing just you're not worth enough. ",2.181609344581439,3.863008582089556,4.144646333549648,86.10132706035044,76.98507462686567,7.795197923426348,23.21933809214796,8.587818076936951,1.4664151200519142,1012,31,215,21,23,345,142,268,0.171,0.597,0.232,0.9716,3,2,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,7,21,0,0,2,0,21,8,1,3,1,31,47,16,1,3,7,0,0,2,2,1,4,1,2,0,8,10,1,0,4,1,6,0,11,6,0,1,5,1,36,15,30,40,4,24,0,4,0,2,17,12,0,2,12,123,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062113510968244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697378308085001,0.0,0.07845082278576944,0.0,0.0,0.07170566749194465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963495348636238,0.0,0.0,0.1250276196701065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762038307512434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911406140791594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264686717824887,0.13227312848606132,0.0,0.08832656270679742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049447274511026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596204077826267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640318725382523,0.09799136120536588,0.27649722843265184,0.0,0.2900263466287621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372926446795236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923023260299157,0.0,0.053578383814049314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201897267533348,0.1130622464601595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152279130670365,0.20621223915099174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176550980233523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486884826611296,0.10020195148079886,0.0,0.36221574725521793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851115916996836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354673283375347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207973641608827,0.0,0.0,0.10906357981436744,0.0,0.0,0.1967998683027461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949084712117908,0.07799424750024443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109557808760253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975489732420912,0.0,0.0,0.10378654251633357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527101605552187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789671171781094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186102955734974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637304907192532,0.0966525968601664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979799911831143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962503215212534,0.22309090923762034,0.0,0.2135172952891978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792797035362193,0.0,0.0,0.0746579577524792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SwiftXenon,2018/02/13,"Why are people so shitty? Why don’t realize that their words can destroy people’s lives? I’m now being investigated by the police because a little girl lied about me sleeping with her. I’m only 19. The girl was like thirteen or fourteen. I slightly know her, but we hung out like once with mutual friends and then when we were alone she started trying to get me to fuck her and I wouldn’t, she started rumours and shit that I fucked her and now the police are involved. I was trying to become a police officer and now if I don’t find some way to clear my name I’m fucked. I just want everything to end. ",1.9606097560975613,4.114981097560975,3.4692886178861784,88.44588414634147,79.48780487804878,5.726016260162603,22.445121951219512,6.816661863887847,0.6548975609756096,477,15,96,5,12,157,78,123,0.224,0.6759999999999999,0.1,-0.9658,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,0,7,8,5,0,5,0,10,5,2,0,1,23,21,11,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,18,3,10,16,1,11,0,0,0,3,15,2,4,3,10,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763605079617776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043870807160233,0.20008650503978812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604616219769412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282267216396926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558483483337325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997042496649306,0.5024624044736155,0.0946531255189978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956553456086173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701967128529875,0.18157855007962886,0.15997520898024722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192938665614648,0.0,0.1377868978657883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25119901712328113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859669830573358,0.0,0.0,0.18129945594898272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564641607779864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460031989927733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106857944895797,0.1438032163741918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269529977901605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheFamilyRP,2018/02/13,"Suicide & Me Dear whoever the fuck is reading this,

How do I do it? A way with no pain. I don't want to shoot myself in the head.. I've been thinking of swallowing a shitton of prescription sleeping pills or something or some sort of drug that'll kill me in my sleep? 

Have been thinking about this for a long time. It sucks, but is funny at the same time. I always joke about it with people. *They tell me to just do it already (kinda). I really don't have any support behind me besides online video gaming... I play in a community called TheFamilyRP. It's a very popular streaming community for GTA 5 role-play.

*When I joke about it with people, they know I'm serious... It's more of my way to ""cry for help""... They never really do anything to try and help me... I know this isn't their responsibility but mehh.. Would be nice to have someone actually talk to me and whatnot.

I've been depressed for a long time. I'm 25 years old. Work a full time job with decent pay but most of it goes to child support, I only get MAYBE 48% of my pay, meaning I'm broke as shit. I can barley afford to keep a roof over my head and if my car ever broke down, I'd be literally fucked.

I've had suicide thoughts since probably about 17 years old, possibly younger.. I'm posting here to see if anyone actually has a good idea on how to do it without any pain ect ect.. Or maybe help me… 

Thanks!
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suicidewatch,Bakasolo,2018/02/13,"Another major low to remember Last night I finally spilled the beans. I revealed too much. I told my bf of three years about my constant suicidal thoughts. It's a touchy subject with him as being suicidal is, in his words, unnatural.. 
But things have been so bad. Normally I just grin and bare it. I don't want the judgements. I don't want to be seen as crazy or, well, unnatural. 
I see suicide as a way to end the hurt. No, I don't want to die. No, I don't want to kill myself. But the idea of not having to hurt anymore is just something I can't deny myself to fantasize. 
Not only do I hurt, I feel lost, empty, worthless, useless. You know the drill. 
I can't work. I tried but I can't hold down a schedule. With my last job, I'd get such anxiety thinking about walking through the door, I'd literally run away and hide. Too scared to call my boss or boyfriend. Too afraid to be chided. I'd hide in the drainage ditch and cry. 
Now I am home all the time. I have no friends or family, other than my boyfriend, who works full-time to support us. 
I admit, I rely on him for so much. It's one of the things that drives my guilt. He'd be so much better off without me, I always think. 
So last night when I described to him as best as I could without crying how I feel, how I really feel deep inside... 
It was like getting punched in the gut. He stared blankly at me, no emotion. And after the very real revelation that I felt like not existing, all he could say was ""you need professional help."" 
And I just fell into myself. A black hole sucked me up. No ""it's okay"", no ""we will work through this."" No, just... go get professional help, you psycho. 
Fine, I think. I shouldn't have ever told him. I should never tell anyone. They don't see me anymore. They see my sickness. 
So I kept my mouth shut and went to bed, feeling worse than before. 
Then morning came. Wonderful mornings are my absolute worst times to exist. I'm instantly depressed waking up. As if the very idea of being alive today makes me want to stay asleep. 
Morning came and I could sense the difference. He wasnt talking to me. Didn't say goodmorning. No physical interaction. And honestly I don't know what started the argument but it happened. 
I screamed at him to understand. I'm the worst at calm communication if I'm upset. I yell, I cry. I feel so detached from the person before me. Like, why can't he see me? Why can't he see how much I hurt? 
I only remember the threat of leaving me. The loud and clear statement that ""he could do much better anyway"" 
I cried and stopped replying. I cried for a long time. I know I'm not great, but to affirm my worst fears? Knowing I'm depressed and thinking about death constantly? 
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired. No, exhausted of being alive. Why can't anybody get that? 
And the mental health care here is laughable. Somedays I feel like I could probably get help. It's never worked before but what else is there? 
I'm 31 years old and it just seems to get worse and worse. ",0.9438592750533026,3.3185753747927045,2.563601279317698,92.02582835820895,85.4676616915423,5.634769012082447,22.047121535181237,7.051509081164278,0.6984428997867802,2313,81,492,33,70,756,272,603,0.246,0.627,0.128,-0.9974,1,0,1,0,0,3,110.0,2,3,2,8,28,41,3,5,24,1,46,8,4,5,6,99,106,42,6,16,22,0,7,4,2,3,4,5,3,1,20,20,0,3,27,0,0,8,33,24,1,2,15,20,80,17,59,76,12,53,0,10,8,0,36,16,1,7,31,307,100,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047427469831003766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059768088309318436,0.043603836028303686,0.0,0.16958213083158175,0.039854804023623035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355213840228658,0.0,0.04759151897242051,0.0,0.0,0.14550504172842918,0.0,0.05981660064580197,0.10082140527855113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820202757122064,0.13038261610032936,0.05811395547592259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319065305588775,0.0,0.2275440493807913,0.0,0.3130518808550629,0.0,0.0,0.0981857632705287,0.0,0.059155633405985224,0.05955149156308578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761508523899975,0.06411584589379038,0.050483914506425864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155857147234126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373328501951025,0.06413936428368065,0.1729214786594041,0.040719870099691836,0.05472767369674835,0.062439270502141965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044037040635498334,0.0,0.17867675413951978,0.0,0.03239366474645758,0.0,0.0,0.06284124857559456,0.0,0.0,0.050403746610549485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058693401898154,0.0,0.0,0.11461504600816284,0.0,0.05717432584167125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407307356147134,0.12868914906571854,0.0,0.0,0.056562397246937124,0.0,0.06306059702481373,0.0,0.15662492602995906,0.1393846010209692,0.0,0.06035337470787445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138670843557663,0.0,0.0,0.050442040285339634,0.0,0.0,0.06222079501487945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038047063107999636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744126563202946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950294960416546,0.042263800776335736,0.0879217954575705,0.0,0.0,0.10697880448270686,0.055846606791674296,0.0,0.0,0.05981052897464164,0.0,0.0386237823357724,0.08670013285745908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976905093521295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145422007022425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487697917762539,0.03651481548393413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913679187373972,0.0,0.0,0.0906552800176258,0.057065624588905524,0.0,0.2271028511663017,0.05188945974158635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388037041977751,0.0,0.0,0.040343960777545575,0.06075301152873878,0.0,0.04765345072343003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704192187483545,0.06468142932933554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045813381846193484,0.049819360741430514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573478376246329,0.14608981671926186,0.0,0.04525058701572302,0.09970917024652824,0.0655116005807422,0.05402808623984803,0.10892936732753088,0.0,0.0386983638618682,0.0,0.0,0.059337638551101975,0.06856239687170844,0.0,0.0,0.09405976473968296,0.16809649833986476,0.0452429010235669,0.0,0.0,0.051248660749526165,0.05283834963568634,0.1542973358803831,0.0,0.0,0.10988939167323764,0.06181263966825569,0.16598287857027474,0.0,0.1742595807160233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341056538845528
suicidewatch,_Aviero_,2018/02/13,"Life feels like a constant battle I no longer feel like fighting 15, male for background.
 For a while now I've been thinking about how pointless me being alive is, I just finished crying to myself like the weak loser I am thinking about how there literally is no place on earth I would want to live on because I dont know what I want, maybe what i really need is to die. I was thinking about how I really am an inferior person, I don't think I'm the type that is supposed to be alive, I feel like I'm the type of thing that would have been weeded out by natural selection. I wish I had been aborted. some days I go to sleep hoping I die at some point in the night and I feel disappointed by finding myself still breathing in the morning knowing I have to get up and go to these bullshit classes. Its not made any easier knowing I will be feeling that for hundreds of days to come unless I end it sooner than 50+ years from now when I die happens naturally. I have tried Zoloft but it just made me more aware of how bleak my future is. but I realize that antidepressants are like getting painkillers for a broken leg, the leg doesn't heal from painkillers it just makes it hurt less. it feels like no one will help me and the ones that say they will never mean it. I want to feel better, I want someone to actually help me but I don't think I can be helped.",4.014206739871263,4.808124956834536,4.802646724725483,86.69042218856497,71.01438848920863,7.579250283983339,26.861794774706553,7.669130373188453,1.3110402877697842,1070,34,228,12,19,346,149,278,0.14,0.7190000000000001,0.14,-0.4493,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,15,15,2,0,11,0,30,8,4,7,1,50,64,13,3,9,8,0,7,6,0,5,4,1,0,2,16,5,0,0,18,0,0,3,9,7,0,2,7,8,34,8,33,48,4,26,0,4,0,0,8,9,0,3,20,154,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.09728800700699154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677960662016298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060773189256938975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817218766663414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587847508875775,0.0,0.10773495320769692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951035293302973,0.12859014499838253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104032281121621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684187939821596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830024084089741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528617597978387,0.2848887113423174,0.0,0.0,0.09111948773326113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417311849025497,0.0,0.11331801136250674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816002103855443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047051155716386,0.0,0.0,0.09901969921728056,0.0,0.0,0.10672563423896524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436940944869993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041757618309906,0.2922358520777245,0.0,0.08803257319409777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866777127502785,0.06654723328353564,0.0,0.10015709761317827,0.1085971577003131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392263107741251,0.07689098389031833,0.0,0.0,0.09355706954431912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511191894602376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704988959290832,0.10416012900080926,0.0,0.09424406532207703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773442919454714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928152102821236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976706845777338,0.0,0.08447130917863638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961661158003942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623297451911724,0.3194028763129945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768640828588479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352109408795117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146444102494725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416410344895746,0.0,0.0,0.06420035636541181
suicidewatch,lackofusernameeideas,2018/02/13,"I just found out that it's not usual for someone to be even thinking of killing themselves Yet, I've been doing just that for years now. I don't know what to think anymore. It's been a part of me for forever. Everytime anything remotely negative happens the first thing I think of would be suicide. I don't get it, I still want to live, I want to experience life and all its goodness, but my brain is telling me to kill myself. Hell, what would it matter anyway? Whether I die now or decades later won't make a difference to the world. Help",3.0334454638124333,4.736177706422018,3.856269113149846,88.98625891946995,74.68807339449542,7.046279306829766,28.624872579001018,7.793537801064563,1.6869502548419977,426,18,89,6,9,136,74,109,0.221,0.703,0.076,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,3,0,4,0,11,2,1,1,1,20,21,4,4,4,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,11,1,13,13,2,10,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,8,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775838944322577,0.0,0.0,0.14735484820382486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998952320136956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858407080922012,0.18708431848032347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182704311005777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515946692061984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523121949526059,0.0,0.1963350110800756,0.0,0.0,0.09355382459524374,0.0,0.0,0.15019082935354236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583461696085341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200231777419759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962167363969976,0.0,0.09840918094320064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647857078929878,0.0,0.0,0.15811725770768792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952696204422555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193909432726672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172079240323424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300116234541704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586752888259812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156510288941501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896251490565465,0.34421195523984444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972142781359464,0.0,0.21123379452236102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544046043388078,0.0,0.0,0.11531168434635533
suicidewatch,Anonymustard1,2018/02/13,"So What would you do if you were gonna commit suicide ANYway? I think about suicide a lot. I'm bipolar. I'm currently drunk. I remember in high school thinking that anyone considering suicide should just do a bunch of hookers and blow, and find a new reason to live. 

I'm 50/50 on that one... lol.

I'd love to go to South Korea but I've only got like $300. My options are limitless. What should I even do? 

No emergency here. Just a depressed guy posting to reddit. ",0.06565349544073129,2.436261340425532,2.217933130699091,91.12000000000002,95.17021276595743,4.813373860182371,21.60790273556231,6.5431188927421005,0.6691179331306985,362,14,73,5,14,121,69,94,0.211,0.695,0.094,-0.912,1,0,0,0,0,4,17.0,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,1,8,3,0,1,1,17,17,5,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,6,2,8,11,2,8,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,3,3,44,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386097209790954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488905214259533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264458947143633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497487847960744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880112345313206,0.0,0.15311396988286044,0.0,0.0,0.1895580671115462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022693985998689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352908284993038,0.0,0.16904713997049509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627574760643167,0.17278423364718445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848962556358701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972631973049048,0.14560056622582215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334889245615174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968346641821678,0.0,0.0,0.21686691124585772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374992183816087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6282207151335193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24533711002636735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599518288606716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,voidzchris,2018/02/13,"I Can't Stand My Life Anymore I'm 21 years old and I absolutely hate everything about my life. I'm fat, $5000 in debt, I have no skills, my closest friend got with some chick and I rarely got to hang out with him, now he got her pregnant so I'm literally never going to see him. I don't like my family. They say they love me and I say it back, but deep down I know I don't mean it. I don't hate them, I just wish they weren't a part of my life. I don't get why I'm supposed to love people who have treated me so poorly before. I'm a virgin, haven't even been in a relationship. I know my standards are probably too high, I'm not stupid, but I'm also not going to date someone I'm not attracted to. I'm the most uninteresting person I know. The only thing I like is music. I have no motivation to keep going anymore. At this point, I just want to die. I'm so tired of living. I don't care if things got better. I don't get why I had to be born. I feel like the only way I could work towards being happy is if I cut off all contact with everyone in my life, moved across the country, and reinvented myself. Even if that were possible, which it isn't, I'd probably feel too guilty to actually do it. I'm terrified of death but I've spent the past 3 years it seems trying to build the courage to actually kill myself. I really just want it to end.",0.31621041520056536,2.1001952210884376,3.0937250762373942,90.93887755102043,83.18367346938777,6.368097583861131,19.32160450387052,7.503015589744147,0.3939396199859253,1041,27,246,17,29,367,148,294,0.195,0.687,0.118,-0.9775,1,0,0,0,0,4,34.0,0,0,4,4,14,17,5,0,9,0,23,9,1,1,2,38,61,14,3,7,12,0,2,3,1,0,6,2,0,2,12,8,1,1,8,0,3,5,16,5,0,0,9,5,41,12,28,49,4,30,0,0,1,3,18,13,0,6,13,146,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.2003839183630672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210585806509234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036438301503405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894756193931049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736534875007049,0.0,0.0,0.09080404151980488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467979515533292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197433570965527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655615396525707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093591695649596,0.0,0.0,0.13562628333979482,0.0,0.0,0.09810641665038827,0.09227395817216158,0.0,0.09678895925774456,0.0,0.10382695410412708,0.07334809041786082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932325988171526,0.0,0.1072825845310884,0.0,0.17505066531194727,0.0,0.3284610972862965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929505083122673,0.0,0.2027324572554455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084774117318952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125858716440136,0.11359010628119184,0.0,0.16927567609637054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29007788876146146,0.15047940369797014,0.0,0.09066025969135699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853289383749397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183867699909213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912288694394667,0.0,0.0,0.07918610480748256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773580751686383,0.0,0.0,0.15617164712216458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111825475755708,0.09801096336752184,0.07117905415401668,0.08964824394257452,0.0,0.0,0.09705715880450454,0.11574597993546948,0.0,0.0,0.22139312719978632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577358869637881,0.0,0.0,0.11023009144346954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329599429737945,0.0,0.0,0.08181539096621994,0.0934677044779823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699269541649082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641992849157772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800506217360028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970678159371307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211158790926644,0.08149535808730457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852889824334194,0.0,0.11806643414208985,0.0,0.0,0.07474561654656077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322333488431106
suicidewatch,anynameidk567,2018/02/13,"I think I've finally lost it. This is it. I'm starting to hear very loud screams and laughter in my head. No, not in a way where I image them in my head, they just show up and it's screaming loud in my head. My life is a joke. I've screwed up, there's no way to fix it, I have no future. All of my friends are living a happy life and here I am alone in my room every single day. I'm a useless piece of trash that doesn't even belong in my country's national norms. I want to go home. I want to be back in the past.",-0.4594992295839759,0.9242948220339002,1.9936363636363656,99.87563174114023,83.83050847457628,4.968875192604006,19.201848998459173,5.565023196281405,-0.5363152542372882,391,10,104,2,11,134,71,118,0.18,0.698,0.122,-0.7334,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,6,8,1,0,5,0,7,6,3,0,1,9,16,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,5,15,3,15,14,3,21,0,2,0,1,4,12,1,0,6,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936059732808948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437397611132169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055617179799925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346733128327585,0.0,0.15749892069067553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477571184116333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442379404805916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623820080300732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899340918740768,0.0,0.0,0.5755408549929079,0.0,0.21068681714346807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750880942571574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26407228678481304,0.0,0.0,0.16506506028033618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405920005196027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844848041987404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231197642564485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119778970713654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423911206265767,0.220515581484072,0.296757062930208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnquestionabIe,2018/02/13,"Starting to look inevitable I've never considered suicide as something I would do on a whim but as something I'll eventually decide on.  This past weekend was extremely difficult since I had to reexamine a lot of my future.  Obviously a lot of volatile emotions are boiling inside me but during moments of clarity I see that I'll probably end up killing myself once all my bridges have been burned.

I'm not terribly upset about the whole realization but more accepting.  My only real concern is making sure it doesn't hurt anyone.  Once there is enough emotional distance and life is continuing to just hand out disappointment I'll probably put real thought into plans.  

More than likely it wouldn't be anytime soon but I can easily see it within the next 4 or 5 years.",7.123184663536776,8.120756936619719,7.764741784037561,67.49520344287953,64.14084507042253,10.81815336463224,37.60876369327072,10.746095033038511,4.495016275430361,623,31,99,16,9,207,105,142,0.08900000000000001,0.708,0.202,0.9434,0,0,2,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,5,0,14,3,1,1,4,24,21,8,2,2,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,4,9,3,16,14,7,18,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,3,12,67,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052644263377492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33868528035761963,0.13333801106268256,0.15555302427599665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116132485378093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655551903851906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063342462341344,0.07354858625180632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264197185292072,0.0,0.0,0.2559756153206331,0.0,0.0,0.1004898247530172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610943257857158,0.0,0.1601061054872744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32065060309364257,0.0,0.11449610620638832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437120486068762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32462551906624004,0.0,0.0,0.15133910739354528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427058876822458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399294331847005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453221642005008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179348803160524,0.0,0.0,0.10655638614917802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467157966364218,0.0,0.14188669485131147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951575726813668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807789586810634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694270844476192,0.0,0.0,0.096945917086498
suicidewatch,weeeeeeeeeee33w,2018/02/13,"i can't trust people anymore after the last person i ever loved cheated on me and turned into everything they said they wouldn't, i can't.

humans are disgusting creatures.",7.17625,8.074339125000002,7.243750000000002,71.62625000000001,64.0,8.9,31.625,8.841846274778883,2.8902000000000005,140,5,21,2,2,45,26,32,0.173,0.634,0.193,0.1714,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,6,2,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36408839403484056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320847083482808,0.0,0.0,0.3299474108038346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29925508831653785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313437755089331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451758098168475,0.3205585471555815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492190283090698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993255282923495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itllbeokat,2018/02/13,"My experience with suicide. . . On Feb 8th 2018 , around 9pm, I came home drunk.
Only to later grab a kitchen knife and cut my left wrist. I don't remember much. I remember arguing with my folks, then running to the kitchen and just cut, I remember when the police came, I went outside bleeding to death , they put me in cuffs , then the ambulance came and I got into the ambulance and I blacked out to the ride to the ER. I was in the suicide watch. I remember constantly taking off my bandage and looking at my wounds. Looking back at my problems, a lot of them have to do with Mom issues. Being born in a Mexican family, family means everything and so does your mom. But the acceptance that I get from her aren't very high. I'm not the perfect daughter, but I try to get accepted by my mother, and although she's not very understanding about how I live my life. The very least she could do is acknowledge my effort I am putting in. I am waiting to get into a counseling group or something soon, I have my appointment this Thursday, and I'm nervous to go. . . If anyone wanna give any advice or tips on how to cope and whatever, feel free to write something down. 
-L.",3.6065696263949536,5.18755262882096,4.881710334788939,82.72281780688986,72.93013100436681,8.582338670548276,29.752789907811746,9.150863307647796,2.594950315380883,908,39,179,20,18,301,137,229,0.096,0.863,0.041,-0.7992,0,0,2,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,2,2,9,9,3,1,14,0,12,7,1,2,1,46,31,21,3,4,8,4,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,19,3,1,10,1,1,9,4,5,1,0,6,6,32,5,33,23,3,34,0,0,4,0,14,16,0,4,9,122,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519058049562502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320307930447419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526869710655366,0.0,0.0,0.09582790361208232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277325148967822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693555850907794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632725562677652,0.0,0.08594669852643037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420187895017414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674542643386268,0.1052985989508625,0.2029584364422611,0.0,0.05442913227690771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872202507053127,0.10326400431194124,0.061177792733020486,0.0,0.08609446682835632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373407691976604,0.107977874172895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235462240090843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695786646690486,0.0,0.07603366541105201,0.0,0.0,0.09505353035880937,0.0,0.18079132396997255,0.0,0.0,0.09151691471918964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725822444821145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521477602602785,0.0,0.0,0.07913231261826692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186975446269945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300283600709707,0.0,0.2164282432553562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877684540661793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574254426602822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354948520213525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093651466175042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308467572219594,0.0,0.0,0.11206344762036158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26645806379734777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997890676361458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hazeringx,2018/02/13,"I will end my life in Valentine's day. It will be for my own good. It's only fitting for someone who doesn't know love, isn't it? The idea of me getting into a relationship is a pipe dream. A delusion. It's not going to happen. I am never going to be loved by someone else. It's impossible. Who is going to love someone like me? 

And I don't want to live this life. I don't want to be single for all my life. It's not the way I want my life to be, so why not end it? I am sick and tired of my life being like this. I absolutely hate it.

Besides, I have been a NEET ever since I finished high school three months. I am pathetic. I am leading a sad life right now. I can't find a job for shit, and I stay on my room doing jack shit for 99% of the time. I am useless.

Ending my life is going to end my suffering and this sad existence. It seems like death is the only way out of here. I don't want it to be, but there is no other way around...",-0.7105584415584403,1.007071719047623,2.2365367965367966,96.0292207792208,86.57142857142857,4.961038961038962,17.64069264069264,6.11248444174946,-0.4479047619047623,711,17,178,6,22,251,100,210,0.18,0.765,0.055,-0.9587,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,3,0,10,0,27,14,2,1,3,23,43,6,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,2,9,0,1,0,16,7,0,0,4,1,0,5,11,7,0,1,1,0,25,7,23,34,3,29,0,4,0,3,6,9,2,1,14,120,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091185317492363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586141676027177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531134912033825,0.0,0.3618055776904437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092376843786896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933393232686419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335548204094612,0.0,0.2321572861710404,0.0856566167439737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030775861225747,0.0,0.0,0.1008261315616914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789942503356158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528536459441815,0.0,0.0,0.1013421354681183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612458185644397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049315299568451,0.14967762301089432,0.0,0.09017720590778602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765122098712937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151426048061708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876418733599369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553395371625671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096427661598622,0.0,0.08721318607670261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033547600939404,0.0,0.09296969213560108,0.0,0.0,0.2096572716499065,0.08447788095801581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595875491782011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088504063496883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059549221923430824,0.11737631048065847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409411048418372,0.24318340952650835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215086509914074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashme91,2018/02/13,"I can’t keep being strong Reliving some pretty horrific traumas. On top of that, my friends all stopped talking to me, my husband basically treats me like a maid and mother instead of a wife. My job sucks. It seems like some people are just made to suffer and not be happy to remind happy people how much worse it could be. I want to believe it gets better, but 25 years of experience makes that seem impossible. I’ve tried for so long, but I can’t see a way up anymore. I help everyone around me, but when I need them there’s no one. I feel like a garbage person who is so easy for other people to throw away that I don’t deserve to be here. ",4.767954545454547,4.811823371212121,5.773787878787882,83.05568181818184,69.07575757575758,8.41818181818182,28.62121212121212,8.07648339933343,1.7095575757575765,503,16,106,6,8,167,91,132,0.135,0.679,0.185,0.7972,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,9,12,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,3,1,22,21,9,0,3,5,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,2,14,9,15,15,4,11,0,1,1,0,9,5,1,4,7,71,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588338151084234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890261107762495,0.0,0.0,0.15715234432565972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845202041933845,0.0,0.14793359023974315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354865693287862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983026964149644,0.0,0.1636186928399234,0.0,0.0,0.08457494747593675,0.11949519174624915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922965131747954,0.0,0.08738982117013562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35611651187072263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211518165635664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598615094062927,0.14867411420770255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451538287678656,0.0,0.0,0.14802555266536324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827156785975538,0.111651660242071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296009330611288,0.12402595993870158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334408152282985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34788450562223666,0.14605062024932933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017012220216834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332897117785377,0.30454620440830243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984224943806492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444244382047893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135629460167422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865809125529214,0.13276832955831588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045881171609933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771411556345327
suicidewatch,FentanylOnFriday,2018/02/13,"I'm not planning on killing myself but I have a fairly simple question I truly feel like I have nothing to live for and nothing gives my life purpose at all and nothing I do or anyone does will matter in the end. I have no idea why I don't kill myself I can't even find the will to self medicate with drugs anymore. I think it's just a courtesy to others really or maybe there is some tiny bit of hope in me that when I get off state supervision in two months shit can get better. I really doubt it though I don't care anymore I would like nothing more than to never have to wake up again. Being medicated has never done shit for me, I don't wan therapy because it can't change these facts that fuck all anyone does matters so why? My question is why? What do ""normal"" people get up in the morning and think ""Wow I really want to live for this"" about?",3.7738135593220328,4.450341819209044,4.962500000000002,85.75527542372885,71.48587570621469,7.481920903954803,25.484463276836166,7.492282038375204,1.1437988700564965,670,19,141,7,12,222,107,177,0.123,0.6829999999999999,0.194,0.9024,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,5,1,5,0,20,8,3,0,5,29,32,9,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,1,1,20,6,22,27,5,16,0,0,0,1,4,9,3,7,8,98,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139372407379664,0.1508371211251182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575075189936573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095393835778188,0.11775571644965847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997095527035797,0.0,0.11410209371439715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887788784932209,0.11037872681237336,0.0,0.0,0.1250839217652229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553237700983726,0.0,0.0,0.07124083456847319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453750319581505,0.07705555363897568,0.0,0.0,0.0985825312839393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971528241675284,0.16905795842335009,0.10346960771896237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071298010848075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176136127534773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386632965505525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618505195432021,0.10539037164796204,0.0,0.19048557266515312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836035687188704,0.0,0.0,0.21731618680000211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609321186944291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637731430206953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568037654970833,0.4139801860978894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477688095341074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165686149183946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729457016324412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252201169414723,0.0,0.2214344803191436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334786729869555,0.0,0.0,0.1382252900213009,0.10597238108006117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053640232960455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361890994563593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919819393375689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662099546989119,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChronicallyUncool,2018/02/13,"Im dying and all its making me want to do is die faster Cross post from chronic pain. Albeit a slow death that definitely can be avoided, it doesnt mean I don't have the pain still. 

So story:
I'm existing on <=90 calories a day due to gastroparesis. I have to choose if I want to continue this on a zofran patch for 1 to 2 weeks or a gj tube. The latter meaning I give up. Also meaning not giving up could be even more harmful. I actually would have to CHOOSE surgery and that alone is also terrifying.

Im also on elavil for stomach issues, which is an antidepressant. I missed one dose years ago at 30mg and the withdraw was horrific. Now im at 50mg. I have a lab quiz in the morning along with a 3 hour lab after and last time I went through withdraw I couldn't leave bed, now I have a double whammy.

I dont know what to do. I work part time in retail thats mildly physically demanding, and I'm a full time nursing student though I'm not yet in clinicals.

I can't tell if I want to die, or I just actually am dying. Help.",1.0664853647881178,2.9534518302752346,3.506277850589779,88.41392966360857,81.1559633027523,6.354215814766272,22.307557885539538,7.447530270364453,0.8177135867190919,801,26,177,12,21,278,131,218,0.17600000000000002,0.759,0.064,-0.9788,0,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,13,0,22,6,1,1,1,29,37,14,5,8,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,8,7,0,1,6,0,1,2,7,5,0,1,2,0,16,0,25,30,5,32,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,4,18,112,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.21819246328275152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909992028226597,0.0,0.0,0.11578636953185326,0.0,0.2682083407817276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925956923374302,0.0,0.0,0.07209881606750088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641041037932063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102343374477188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383983976742232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448876339096956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493413298973815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100959978924368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36227480769401416,0.11668540349855212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143985512583215,0.09112821216232844,0.0,0.118375238616157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462433038505492,0.0,0.0,0.3653340541106045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757554896041138,0.0,0.2379164800309269,0.0,0.0,0.12106357699629015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706913712840953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927999006920984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097714150103719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983846113148696,0.0,0.195566476229072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781955721119665,0.0,0.08967556587639079,0.0,0.0,0.1036355013532032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138841842753379,0.0,0.0,0.0794162794777379,0.0,0.0,0.07199260386736571
suicidewatch,Askmeaboutmyusrname,2018/02/13,"I tried to off myself last night. Decided that the pain wasn't worth it anymore. I've been to so many doctors, and been on so many different antidepressants. 

I've recently been trying to get TMS, my insurance got switched to kaiser and I went to see a psychiatrist there. He wanted me to try another 6-7 medications. Different mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics to go with the mirtazapine and wellbutrin that i'm already on.

I hate these medications, the mirtazapine makes me dumb and drowsy, the wellbutrin does nothing.

I thought for the longest time maybe this is a hormone thing, so I got my testosterone checked and i'm at 303ng/dl, right above whats considered low testosotorne. None of the doctors take me seriously.

I dropped out of college when I heard my dad had 6 months to live, i've had to see him go through so much pain.

I wrote my letter apologizing and saying I love you to all my family and friends, then ingested 1200mg of propranolol and 200mg of metaprolol, all the beta blockers that I had thinking I would fall asleep and not wake up. I ended waking up the next day after sleeping 14 hours, sick to my stomach and light headed. I went through my day acting normal to everyone around me but I just don't want to live anymore. No doctors take me seriously and I don't think they will ever find out whats wrong. 

I don't think I'll try to kill myself again, i'll just end up failing like I did with the rest of my plans. I'll either end up homeless, in jail, or dead anyway.",3.7432653061224483,5.563305248299322,4.6398809523809526,83.61553571428574,73.04761904761905,7.757142857142857,28.91666666666667,8.472884824447931,2.114356462585035,1189,49,234,21,24,385,169,294,0.152,0.821,0.027000000000000003,-0.9858,2,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,1,1,2,12,14,3,0,11,0,14,16,6,1,3,39,38,20,2,4,6,1,0,1,1,2,9,2,0,0,9,17,1,1,6,0,2,6,7,10,0,0,15,5,35,3,37,21,6,38,0,2,2,1,12,14,1,1,18,140,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385746475288275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818920608390943,0.0,0.0,0.20464606469966926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184866230421522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308018296034402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155942669599616,0.0,0.31681553336479323,0.09029015810616343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27415037614344884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332874903986887,0.0,0.09858924807329594,0.0,0.0,0.09726530680478324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430114647547633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971364986583677,0.0,0.05390528826453655,0.0,0.11727478559896193,0.0,0.1650388104489877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186510323831544,0.1058885125792182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160774019513658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414914079204785,0.0,0.0,0.08410234598067289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050406663048925424,0.0,0.18221288960033086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312051802747803,0.0,0.06887089194112822,0.20920887624749904,0.10365432650617552,0.0,0.0,0.2078782650030984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235423129541024,0.0,0.07584635356783896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972902298546283,0.09682384238969652,0.10109073624711364,0.09900031389618534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195734300418608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187401660052273,0.0,0.0,0.08811188196792001,0.0,0.08204982834370063,0.0,0.0,0.16443609198217374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032506785332939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515127270946552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854566006689543,0.19833336319044395,0.0,0.08191035086693006,0.06016285208046595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28019937604790457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217119517476001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129067900863966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329338801508498,0.1128069405897092,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkidkkillmeplease,2018/02/13,"hi, I can't do this shit anymore. 18 male and throwaway but I'm so close to doing this. I'm in a wheelchair and have been thru cancer and just ended treatment. cancer took everything from me. my ability to walk, my happiness, my friends and even some family. I don't feel normal anymore and want to die. none of my old friends want anything to do with me bc im a burden to them and im scared to go on. about a year ago and half ago I met the girl of my dreams and had possibly the best year I've ever had. about 3 months ago she cheats on me and gets pregnant. haven't spoken to her or anyone since. I feel so alone in my body and in my life. no one wants to speak to me and no one wants to deal with me. I know the wheelchair is hard to deal with but no one seems to care at all. I'm so alone and need someone to talk to. thank you so much for letting me vent guys. means a lot.",-0.39878743249877147,1.4850021649484546,1.5767746686303392,100.21194158075605,86.62886597938144,4.726165930289642,17.485517918507608,5.916634753146586,-0.6274523318605794,676,16,170,5,21,223,107,194,0.205,0.643,0.152,-0.9256,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,1,9,10,2,1,7,0,12,5,2,0,2,35,31,19,1,6,4,0,3,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,16,0,0,5,1,0,3,7,4,0,4,5,4,22,6,30,25,6,19,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,4,9,108,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32325406624794883,0.0,0.0,0.2517890674425835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411002019100387,0.08499422595465192,0.0,0.10002957691615927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756468876662913,0.0,0.0,0.13502043060292718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239336331929134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25063615870946954,0.0,0.0,0.12615511217214107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076618325382102,0.0,0.0,0.08028606678972829,0.10995364250246482,0.0,0.0,0.10924598073962036,0.0,0.11459142956836445,0.0,0.12292392840838295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782650041030025,0.0,0.06350757784505595,0.0,0.06908262450187226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203587642843469,0.0,0.1293977765185568,0.10888958821365588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626009617425161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680356197576817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429843319665045,0.08585803642859488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334188882403476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240925387195002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970242052912612,0.0,0.08935706233189887,0.09013164462575426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190982927337618,0.0,0.0,0.12755174034038125,0.0,0.2471068592727839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370352301472381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169796613923635,0.0,0.0,0.1106592937535735,0.0,0.0,0.1247746716061004,0.100551722070646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299333112194148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770146971677772,0.0,0.11191170172766106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505230585847908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867856382606384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655513394036033
suicidewatch,theindieprincess,2018/02/13,"Kind of Lost My Will To Live I feel like I'm at a stand still right now. I'm almost 20 and the pressure of life and keeping everyone happy is just becoming too much. I feel quite aimless right now, since all I want to do with my life is perform music but I know it is not a sustainable thing to strive for and I'm too depressed and lazy to get started on any projects, however I'm not set on going into anything else. I don't want to go back to school until I'm ready, but I also don't want to be stuck in my hometown another year and I don't have money saved to just move to a new city and work there. My job is no longer fulfilling due to my boss constantly harassing me. Recently I had a falling out with a guy friend who I just realized treated me terribly throughout our friendship, constantly mocked my mental health and my recovery, and used me as a rebound in his break-up from his ex (who is my former friend), and our final conversation triggered a really bad panic attack that landed me in the hospital last week. I wish I had admitted myself into it last week, even if it meant missing a really big choir performance that weekend, because I don't feel better, but I also felt really condescended to by the crisis workers who helped me (mainly being told my life was like a soap opera and that I should have expected all my friends to leave after my suicide attempt a few years ago.) I have no motivation to do anything anymore and I hate myself so much because all I'm doing now is just barely fucking functioning. I feel like no one cares anymore, since a lot of my friends left after my attempt and told me to grow up and that I talk too much about my problems, and I'm done putting on an act because I feel like no one cares about me unless I am happy...My family is going on a trip to Phoenix in a few days and I don't want to go because I am so emotionally distraught and vacations never help (mainly because my father is very aggressive and my mom is generally unsympathetic.) I just want to disappear right now. I don't feel like anyone would miss me, and there really is nothing for me here anymore other than a shitty job, a bunch of broken friendships, and a way too unclear future....I can't do this anymore. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.... ",9.071600639342392,5.912457991323213,9.358531795867107,71.18186436807856,62.36225596529285,12.481835826007535,39.01370019408608,10.5429385540328,3.912906290672451,1798,68,356,32,19,605,221,461,0.213,0.6659999999999999,0.122,-0.9947,3,3,0,0,0,1,43.0,2,0,0,10,26,32,6,3,20,0,37,5,0,5,4,74,80,31,1,11,12,3,7,5,4,3,4,1,0,1,14,24,0,2,13,3,1,11,15,16,0,2,10,8,57,16,49,65,13,61,0,4,0,1,22,20,1,4,32,246,71,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500121080346684,0.0,0.07342781003357512,0.0,0.0,0.1172814054659467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986583312471087,0.0768912311774668,0.0,0.0,0.2908883139077101,0.05127292902281515,0.0,0.12068606637210635,0.0,0.0,0.08342165205062205,0.0,0.05638502075583785,0.061226159157990824,0.2235015896741025,0.08098546737749637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648530193971545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952640151415048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848392095128375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729075793941544,0.0,0.063157651813277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504042218871389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061256476996536316,0.08248459116249904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048432723020821036,0.0,0.0,0.0700684378748192,0.0,0.0,0.06912749859050979,0.0,0.2224622832562076,0.2095433221252063,0.07040677272867643,0.08032768854653248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266133896973031,0.06779093315634413,0.038311067542373935,0.0,0.16669690031339934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260665426516891,0.0,0.0780594556468566,0.0,0.07239662333725856,0.0,0.07794467050506472,0.0,0.0,0.0983009746318156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455342637080088,0.13035531953143298,0.0,0.07636025460814294,0.08059875251954865,0.1195448818129184,0.0,0.07764419807082787,0.07967153167973945,0.0,0.15538207301953835,0.1791227850573919,0.0,0.0647503291913749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004662134708028,0.06234119166618966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389778993734425,0.0,0.0,0.08588134717401262,0.0,0.07793649473306483,0.21561927357631094,0.0,0.05655539010281501,0.07082103501286542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036058677174735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937845631462193,0.0,0.0,0.08603508927789649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701653848513437,0.0,0.07371530517696606,0.0,0.07799378987329371,0.0,0.0,0.1879042277040659,0.0,0.07240295815954681,0.0,0.0,0.1878661836363534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421226541906417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131603649407414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051902225794919085,0.0,0.0585601626973119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802093785138592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058938598074718865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871613708236261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401368757496384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333220219759571,0.0,0.06050361756316626,0.216254979531578,0.058204678452129024,0.1176392542970504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432405227139354,0.0,0.0,0.053383955588464815,0.0,0.0,0.05209039834599394,0.0,0.0,0.09444218334271537
suicidewatch,Mehayo,2018/02/13,"I am worried I have made a massive mistake. I attempted to contact a person I used to date who I had every reason to believe was willing to still be a friend of mine. I had become distant from them over the time to try and be happy with myself. 
But in my effort to say that even with 9 years of history between us I want to keep having her as a friend. And she just says that she becomes uncomfortable when I talk about our relationship.

Now I feel utterly defeated and like a moron. 
And really worried that I know where a box cutter is and how easily I can grab it. 
What did I do wrong? Did I do anything wrong?
Should I go hide that box cutter?",3.068421052631578,4.256129112781956,4.945872180451129,83.29189097744364,73.66165413533834,7.726015037593986,26.08195488721805,8.238735603445708,1.6380833082706767,504,17,103,8,10,173,90,133,0.177,0.703,0.12,-0.7826,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,3,8,9,1,0,7,0,16,0,0,4,0,19,23,9,0,3,2,0,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,6,4,23,4,17,13,0,10,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,0,7,83,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080475693572495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779438469476877,0.0,0.1927766335054091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301317538439835,0.0,0.1441632613410165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651578060573979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643904488222204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724286007548542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214435202489926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520859004991517,0.0,0.0,0.09403478047620477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359321326752757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190359733864432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940220237698992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961418291441304,0.1759243388264912,0.0,0.18370263270768086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27213897466855663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664459738522505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752764052240665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099772645530288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616899821689332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058181319594146,0.14777969992230533,0.0,0.0,0.10092210557331324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347530671348515,0.0,0.0,0.3741527041224721,0.0,0.11018594830201292
suicidewatch,igotbigbigplans,2018/02/13,"I don't wanna die, I just want a break I dunno, I'm not good with words so this probably be a word vomit at best. 

I've suffered from major depressive disorder for most of my life. It's gotten somewhat better over the years. I mean, yeah I've been off my meds for at least a month. But like I haven't had any of the symptoms I would normally have, until last week. 
I think it's either the last of seasonal depression or it's regular depression busting down the door saying hello hi I'm here to fuck shit up. But either way it hit me like a shit ton of bricks today, this morning to be exact. I just like thought about my life, and I mean it could be worse but what I've been through in the last 11 months has been hell on me. I also feel like none of my friends actually care, or even want to be my friends anymore. I don't want a way out. I just want a break. I want to take a break from school, from my job, from my normal life in general. I just wanna live fly to somewhere I've never been and just live someplace where nobody knows who I am, what I've been through. ",1.1652819548872202,2.9045613552631586,2.8767418546365917,93.77552631578949,80.1842105263158,6.0972431077694225,20.94486215538847,7.07126945348624,0.34369147869674155,831,23,192,10,21,275,122,228,0.15,0.728,0.122,-0.8831,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,11,18,4,0,12,1,18,8,2,0,2,42,36,10,1,11,13,0,1,4,2,1,5,1,1,0,10,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,8,2,24,10,33,21,9,27,1,4,0,1,6,11,4,5,15,124,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.11127483978747774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118811805299494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754292267766824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308509564440188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966530857908812,0.10084846383594896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625910432383828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104204715918986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946363434144525,0.0,0.11834301931725437,0.0,0.1306859205605958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531439185784633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057655962504064615,0.08146159708462111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619543737568066,0.10541701117963316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564124244857317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315515504812833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266678447855689,0.2788440184207953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416239601074493,0.2228332050408427,0.0,0.20137755473906804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484197527781482,0.12665935729392352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203205884129986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794539200378346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234463798567503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294142644006445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906796101793707,0.0,0.11540238272432254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23409612369946664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851871049580928,0.08573483462508502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730645122308526,0.0,0.09052546283406028,0.0,0.0,0.10808517271171182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362832245184735,0.18102017344839666,0.09146635108854026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620423246005662,0.08100219084057997,0.0,0.0,0.07343026739510437
suicidewatch,throw_away_8922,2018/02/13,"It all started in the 4th grade It all started when my friends left me and I got bullied by them. The next year in the 5th grade new bullies showed up and I started getting depressed. In the 6th grade I only could cry. In the 7th I developed suicidal thoughts that same year the whole school laughed at me for crying in the cafeteria. In the 8th I started cutting and attempted suicide multiple times and I learned I was bisexual. That same year I thought I met ""the one"" but my friend asked her out first and lied to me about them being together after they broke up. My friend committed suicide and all I can think is I caused it. In the ninth I moved schools and new bullies appeared. I was put into classes I couldn't keep up in and I failed all my classes. That's when I started to cry during class and I would uncontrollably eat. Now I'm here hopeless, worthless, useless, and without someone who cares. I hope tonight is the night.",3.0239922854387657,5.259227863387976,3.4388363870138217,89.58095467695274,76.37704918032787,6.273095467695277,30.98328511732561,7.285733465282438,1.872126583092253,741,37,147,9,17,230,104,183,0.26,0.6509999999999999,0.09,-0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,3,3,5,14,1,1,11,0,9,2,0,1,5,32,26,13,3,4,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,7,12,2,1,4,1,0,3,2,8,0,2,6,0,29,6,21,16,7,37,0,6,0,0,10,15,0,2,19,101,36,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946815408419024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938630451906422,0.12028896946800426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934909453276889,0.0,0.38587055593054187,0.0,0.0,0.1008538769840636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981756637999318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960107069348208,0.0,0.0,0.2714022561554718,0.0,0.06117738044583983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365168446570564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630190011475723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407954525533608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722421788124827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445360818062065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618244181048155,0.12453201534121648,0.10988586153242837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934670083723762,0.08905613443790121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771296282737298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370130767182691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921433654427887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144027323083169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842492506302011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502984095277325,0.0,0.18592093127661116,0.0682791208233806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073254791292174,0.0,0.11287554142783628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318103152994911,0.0,0.0,0.22621630319107935
suicidewatch,Trippy-Diamonds,2018/02/13,"I’m sad to the point where I can’t even function Nothing makes me happy, nothing makes sense to me anymore. I’ve tried to kill myself several times but I always stop it because of the fear of nothingness in death. I have a caring family, nice economy, I’m “attractive” and “handsome” according to many people, and I’m young, but I just simply hate myself.
I’m a 20 year old man who has always been gay, ever since I have memory, and I’ve never accepted myself, no one knows about me. I have serious self esteem issues, even though many people compliment me and my looks, I hate the way I look, to the point where I’ve sliced my own skin with a razor and left many self harm scars which are clearly visible and have to cover up. I have unstable relationships and have never been able to fall in love. I’m very lonely and often isolate myself. All the activities that enthusiast me are self damaging; self harm, drinking, drugs, overdoses, you name it.
I’ve received a diagnosis which I’ll obviously not tell for privacy reasons, but it all makes a little more sense now, at least.
Will I ever be happy? Or will I ever be this unhappy? No one knows, not even myself.",4.2109639803057775,5.6582270748898695,5.732184503757447,77.74872505830525,71.20264317180616,9.041616999222596,26.568800207307593,9.478462496947786,2.412898108318217,914,30,170,21,17,310,128,227,0.246,0.626,0.128,-0.9855,1,2,2,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,0,13,19,3,1,10,0,16,5,1,4,9,35,32,13,2,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,8,9,1,1,4,1,0,2,8,10,0,2,2,3,24,9,16,26,5,24,0,3,2,2,12,10,0,2,11,112,32,0,0.10315126100331977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716602248599889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229833334462628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288005129223366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516958526405458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104896568804972,0.11962271440589918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439130514994192,0.2799186632959351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724182864679484,0.11607384638633945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961287085587666,0.0,0.20368102953850364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766311694850536,0.0,0.0,0.1141215871693863,0.0,0.11337847081779638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207414689662323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338466233391556,0.0,0.0,0.1732421598677092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930980403496088,0.0,0.20656280310715375,0.3137375652802756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911322311858056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979528338751578,0.0,0.10823989651320357,0.0,0.13979592806293362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302419284939238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195022566164378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060566761296728,0.0,0.11074585103578036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43043704672229294,0.1165315640946279,0.0,0.08532778903766544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623907300649346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901587486927707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134559020820354,0.0,0.06014832981150305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003293519465162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511059320170943,0.0,0.08187666968844652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642603013920068
suicidewatch,ieann,2018/02/13,"My depression is getting worse and I have no way of treating it I'm 16 and I've suffered from what I believe to be depression and anxiety for years. I know self-diagnosis isn't reliable and has a bad reputation, but I've been through so much trauma (growing up and currently living in a severely abusive household, being raped and molested as a kid, being bullied for years, struggling to accept my homosexuality, etc). I've had suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember. I haven't been truly happy in years because I always feel numb and apathetic, and when I do have emotions, I'm drowning in sadness. Even doing small tasks like showering or dressing myself are exhausting and difficult to do.   

I've never been officially diagnosed for depression, and even if I were, there's no possible way for me to be treated for it. My parents don't believe in mental health or mental illnesses and think that therapy and medication is a sham. The other potential sources of help in my life aren't great either. Multiple times in the past, I've tried to tell my doctor that I'm suffering from depression, and she told me that she didn't really think I was. My school's counselor isn't helpful because she doesn't listen to me and would keep telling me that I just needed to be less stressed.   

I have constant breakdowns where I want to harm myself. Most of the time when I have them, they happen for no reason. My most recent one was on Saturday, February 10th. My mother got angry with me and tried to stab me, but I ran away and locked myself in my room. I started crying while laying down on the floor and the breakdown started. I felt like I was having a heart attack and that my systems were shutting down. I could feel myself screaming and convulsing but I couldn't stop. I kept thinking of slitting my wrists (I've never done that form of self-harm though, I'm scared of what would happen if my parents noticed) during it and was so afraid of what my hands might do to myself, and I felt like I didn't have any control over them. At some point, I started slamming my head against the floor and wall because I was in complete agony and I knew it was all in my head and I wanted to make it stop. Usually I have a breakdown approx. once every three months, but I've had three already since 2018 started.

I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself if my depression doesn't get treated soon. I can't wait 2 more years to leave home and get treated then, I don't think it's possible. I feel like my entire life has been spent fighting depression and having it ruin everything: my grades, my relationships, my individuality. I'm just so tired of losing this battle and having no end in sight. I don't know what to do.",5.736777224036202,6.261916720226848,6.432328578793608,77.4977017815203,67.05293005671078,9.285467147849,32.287391877183936,9.259372276320047,2.8126579710144943,2151,86,403,38,33,707,245,529,0.305,0.652,0.042,-0.9995,4,0,0,0,2,1,54.0,0,0,3,2,13,40,6,5,12,0,57,16,5,3,3,77,99,47,3,10,12,3,6,4,0,3,10,2,3,1,19,28,0,6,16,0,1,3,19,29,0,3,26,9,69,11,54,63,10,60,0,11,1,1,18,26,0,9,32,281,88,3,0.0,0.08801677531180546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197646001880726,0.0,0.0618119118100437,0.0,0.0,0.05051703463501599,0.0,0.05682859483680939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451106141979174,0.0697941523753289,0.0,0.062025715985090275,0.1358521878294185,0.0,0.0,0.16738979090671213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788746884249591,0.08027678695116114,0.08331807763998593,0.05931133481647938,0.0,0.081599694524425,0.0,0.0,0.38389459285338173,0.07539873712713292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603487969390693,0.0,0.07602038047279612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356176338596483,0.0657953562021366,0.0,0.08284853852299211,0.09813041888589276,0.0,0.06258916792326219,0.0,0.06676347640528996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268371712684322,0.05306994086944142,0.14265243970071012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643412360738105,0.0,0.04221845178852923,0.0,0.059413308893215985,0.08190058902211261,0.0,0.0,0.13138174781360187,0.07907883970655333,0.0,0.0,0.15247775693479898,0.07896255557731832,0.0,0.08802928032336085,0.09958469414743283,0.0,0.07451492561835635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602881952417151,0.08218646442400769,0.0,0.08165129744019951,0.0,0.0,0.07865815925189748,0.0,0.0,0.10494081247652022,0.14516956993835056,0.0,0.06559590840904732,0.06574078180316237,0.0,0.08310704431997186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958648896605216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483534047061262,0.14972565300893487,0.07880571800551069,0.0,0.0,0.059294384991098015,0.0,0.05460876530424279,0.05508213564107033,0.11458790204008293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457511551812942,0.0,0.079112176936021,0.050338123370612865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649716473964022,0.0,0.07091440282683603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022429144872158,0.16749263071626308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047589520640578205,0.07637839129175804,0.07334847361070028,0.07975537470180072,0.08415156890272832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437325598526104,0.07518140874417809,0.0,0.0,0.15499302062242298,0.08392204739075232,0.0,0.06145015568101511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103200828157466,0.0,0.0,0.124212862463744,0.08509437424226159,0.07765986757990377,0.0,0.0812568385712943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985849523724768,0.0,0.08495252729716808,0.0,0.0,0.19039790441221066,0.07298562831775042,0.058974794648230175,0.08663354043401639,0.08538084135756523,0.0,0.070983466657246,0.0,0.10087064997336602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181554571024496,0.0,0.087631627560858,0.11792955508965912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570379130951596,0.10554130122784797,0.0,0.0,0.19135102124930733
suicidewatch,kyloren123456,2018/02/13,"My days are numbered I’m 18 my life sucks nothing is the way I want it I used to think suicide was dumb but now it seems like the only way I to be at peace and be free of the pain I’m not sure when but soon I’ll leave this place 
To many people I love have died 
And the only lover I had is done with me 
And I want a future with her I know I can’t have which is killing me every second I’d rather just die than experience it 
I constantly think about ending it but I don’t know how. I take more of my medication than I should just to see what happens 
I truly don’t know what to do anymore I can’t tell anyone how I really feel because I’ll burden them and they already have enough to worry about I hope someone reads this to know how I really feel or something I don’t know 
I love you all I’m sorry the world is full of pain and heart break 
 
Edited- thank you every who replied and took time to read it 
I just took a bunch of Tylenol I don’t know what Is to happen ",0.7392105263157873,2.176089685185186,2.6103508771929818,96.59605263157896,80.3888888888889,5.473294346978558,18.775828460038987,6.05967700443912,-0.3965148148148154,756,16,187,5,19,252,114,216,0.183,0.642,0.175,0.0018,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,2,2,0,12,14,3,0,7,0,22,9,1,4,2,38,50,14,4,5,9,0,2,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,12,8,0,0,11,2,1,2,7,6,0,1,5,3,31,9,20,42,5,17,0,0,1,3,10,4,2,3,9,119,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549346602718234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278023809736318,0.07951605983012336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932299798494268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289152561254345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334035346506472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360479746637861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637561602498585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072266229116107,0.1175037381137668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162895340065936,0.0,0.0,0.11124052914522836,0.0,0.0,0.11500106432041465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011254316428822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475941138617772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295017578043945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581495076418533,0.0,0.3749870750348166,0.0,0.0,0.12041365330454674,0.0,0.0,0.08032419478936849,0.05555812146883229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527449106439127,0.0,0.0,0.1152947989002442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456150039690498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911794457725063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297922096134422,0.2420133879077304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883951769232311,0.0,0.1188137812268923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275026692074588,0.0,0.14570460569749275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062056303289098,0.1035269269651693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635506162460404,0.0875476431297683,0.0,0.12730085671020092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439183527055807,0.0,0.10718028216574592,0.0,0.08550370857588609,0.0,0.09939678205583533,0.10469861299772877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573508628890974,0.0,0.0,0.06631137317210632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25269545341982563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821805141806178,0.0,0.0,0.13415066561415587,0.18053217486885328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548874901562155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_TheSage_,2018/02/13,"Limbo?  (EDIT: This title makes absolutely no sense. I cant change it though, so pretend its good)So I'm in high school. I've been struggling with shit since the end of middle school, and throughout my childhood I've been taught that grades are one of the most important things. I have been getting horrifyingly bad grades since mid 8th-grade, in the D-F range. Somehow I passed middle school, but just tonight I received a letter notifying me that I may have to repeat the grade. Unfortunately, this is not an option, because I will basically lose all my friends entirely, and everyone will know I'm stupid. As of right now, my ""self-esteem"" hasn't been doing great. Not great whatsoever. It's easier to write this post on reddit, and in fact, I signed up just to write this. I want to be alone, but at the same time, being alone makes me hate what my life has become. I feel like really need to get my schoolwork done, because if I don't, the DOE will force me to repeat the grade as required by law. I usually find it impossible to do my work, because whenever I start I get a sense of existential dread that settles over me. In order to combat this and push it away, I generally go and procrastinate. The fact that I try to stop myself from doing this, to no avail, makes me hate myself even more. It's annoying to be me. The thing is, I don't want to die, I just want to not exist. I know it's too late to not exist, and I'm not going to end my own life, but existing is just getting extremely depressing. I honestly feel like I'm a burden on all my friends and family. My parents try so hard to help me, but they take my mistakes and failures unto themselves. I'm starting to feel bad for them, and I know that nothing is their fault. They try their best, but nothing they can do could really help, and its putting a lot of stress on them. My mother already has a ton of stress from her job, and tensions in the house are rising. I can't get any time to rest when people are home, so I try to rest when they're not. This is unfortunately also the time that I do my homework. I feel extremely guilty for having to drag them into this. I continue to lie and tell them that I do my work when I didn't, and every day I say ""Today is going to be the day that I start to do my work,"" but it never is. Really I just need some advice on how to do shit to help get more stress out of my life, because I can't seem to do that myself. If anybody has any suggestions, all are welcome. Thanks for considering it, anyway. 

P.S. If there are other people on this subreddit who need help more than I, please go to them first. This is not a dire post.",4.260520694259011,4.7938497383177605,5.347503337783714,83.9491588785047,70.30841121495327,8.43204272363151,26.12683578104139,8.505502328695277,1.53707049399199,2050,58,437,31,35,679,234,535,0.185,0.6920000000000001,0.123,-0.9897,2,2,0,0,0,2,78.0,0,0,10,7,21,29,6,6,19,0,50,5,2,4,6,78,90,33,1,11,21,2,5,2,2,4,3,2,2,0,34,16,0,2,9,1,0,9,17,19,0,2,7,7,68,10,61,74,15,58,0,2,0,0,28,21,2,10,27,301,102,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248400957536658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364810277263624,0.08185515181275277,0.05931858657100995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088455974387384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969087146498218,0.0,0.12386786150779,0.18086820625206196,0.08192165567150493,0.0,0.0,0.07784322253881762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846846014519404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059223566308012024,0.0,0.0,0.09567487387085934,0.0,0.06388775137582009,0.0,0.07698306299473738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649119898727618,0.07590788603260416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139598536615113,0.0,0.0,0.04899260308087797,0.0,0.06249654889973433,0.07087842580774184,0.0,0.0,0.06992660930839782,0.0,0.1500226247083924,0.10598281666627997,0.0,0.0,0.06779559581464606,0.06309413808887246,0.0,0.0,0.11461651505201785,0.0,0.23252365037183675,0.0,0.16862390884683753,0.06221537894495791,0.0,0.16355878617888242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644720047083459,0.14646704997500712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988746587933785,0.0783711039681987,0.0744046589399834,0.0,0.0,0.0855892404146571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360831656573485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229570561126445,0.0,0.08367385221757677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571782826676424,0.07247737449976198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298406308298463,0.0,0.0630618529868237,0.0,0.0,0.14853933365430946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500187641803662,0.057209167822347626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234790386507795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502636333592018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823637617392502,0.0,0.0,0.10284871226923448,0.0,0.0,0.08142306419292536,0.0,0.0,0.14208036621061534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456745072888665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255729397818434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334596937183984,0.0,0.058987798207704875,0.0,0.2252104674258727,0.0,0.06752711987097522,0.07738183150415909,0.0,0.15228136599479467,0.12271844432005932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750663944445742,0.0,0.0,0.06201452655880541,0.25490535650405605,0.07754494703788005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055771182895821315,0.0,0.06483316576113357,0.06829137111933316,0.0,0.0,0.098558586791983,0.0,0.0728776246830856,0.0,0.12975801106822138,0.0,0.07031025325926951,0.0,0.0,0.20144276454793555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169447562408605,0.0,0.13125292631470611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200321501075926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lizcoco,2018/02/13,"Positive thinking doesn’t work Life has been nonstop horrific depression and anxiety for nearly 4 months. My life is going nowhere. I’ve got defaulted school loans. My parents are suffering because they co-signed. My life is literally meaningless. Even getting up to go to get something to drink is such a goddamn chore. I’m 24 and my parents love me so much but at the same time they’re so sorry for me. My boyfriend of nearly 5 years is such a sweetheart but goddamn he will not fucking help with any of this. He’s there for me but he won’t get a decent paying job. He’s 6 years older than me! What do I have to look forward to? I’m not fit to be a mom. I’m not fit for this world. I’m too tender. I’m unsuccessful. I manipulate people into being my friends and for what?

Oh, and my tax return is $9. I’m negative on my bank account. My car is going to stop working any day now. Every day is so hard. 

It’s just so fucking hard. I have all these reasons to live apparently, but I’m constantly failing. ",0.3683653846153838,2.7198383365384657,2.7905769230769235,89.30442307692309,88.71153846153845,5.7,23.865384615384606,7.1686216300943375,1.151446153846154,786,33,164,13,26,269,125,208,0.214,0.7190000000000001,0.067,-0.9819,4,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,11,9,2,0,5,0,18,8,0,2,1,20,37,12,0,0,8,3,2,0,2,2,4,0,1,0,6,6,1,1,2,1,5,5,6,5,0,0,2,3,17,4,23,31,3,25,0,3,1,3,12,10,2,0,12,95,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827023741979727,0.0,0.11152098566289982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886588365536979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575359452816402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803154819373985,0.0,0.12555974537292888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428084971908854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628604287237752,0.0,0.12282559015697883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126289479246764,0.26954175974967004,0.228491453409656,0.0,0.24854969774311975,0.0,0.11659325359517868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611797533077554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771298481118357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466374674788707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30890530226694946,0.0,0.0,0.12872604684731584,0.0,0.12241813823798756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157176961897754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073529135208096,0.1163598761762726,0.0,0.10716477065905652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237419608369833,0.0,0.0,0.1010652108296474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988569583083022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753672567046053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222824884696536,0.0,0.16318831340927864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187826299194728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340967355067743,0.0,0.0,0.0850052499838533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122585523130012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775454996384128
suicidewatch,TenNinetyFive,2018/02/13,"When will things get better? Hope can be a very bad thing because when hope lets you down nothing feels worse. For the last few years I have been hoping for things to improve and change. Nothing has gotten better, they have only gotten worse. Maybe in the next life things will be better.",3.943888888888885,6.394556722222222,2.8257037037037063,94.03966666666668,74.37037037037038,4.32,18.20740740740741,3.1291,-0.7123881481481482,229,4,43,0,5,65,40,54,0.053,0.591,0.35600000000000004,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,3,2,7,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,0,5,17,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,6,5,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,5,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275606373188745,0.09692324879105478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42186044468724293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819800986591374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039378772095712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306950156987343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737604390914581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960398110082544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258546211215316,0.11230446088327158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973410987384778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690953808171783,0.0,0.0,0.3051243021003381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209245745009528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225228358740461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311893840751749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240635657070837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238901707414856
suicidewatch,kalo_de_lord,2018/02/13,"Regret, Happiness, idk what to call it basically, trying to create a shell of yourself from the past hoping to re-live that happiness you had back then, only to come back with more hatred for yourself and less will to continue than before?

idk maybe its just me",3.4634693877551044,6.1394533061224505,4.366693877551022,81.21044897959185,77.16326530612245,7.185306122448982,22.044897959183675,8.238735603445708,1.5288661224489792,208,6,36,4,5,67,41,49,0.165,0.637,0.198,0.4601,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,10,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42085311146203896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328632952826209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27943600657480894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357326348879551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826292931640239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27180471681847584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749268253620333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812968126881395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612380792856043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857962120874024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,potatocowapple,2018/02/13,"In the brink of suicide... I am a 22 year old male, dual citizen who is from the Philippines and just moved to California. Ever since I was in the Philippines, I already had depression, the root of the cause was my fathers death. All of our assets went to his cancer medication, but to no avail, had failed. We moved by our grandma's ancestral house living a simple life. I could not get a job properly due to my severe allergies when it comes to heat and dust mainly when using public transportation, even medications would not work, if my dad were still here, I could have worked there and worked for his company which is now closed. I have been sheltered for about 3-4 years now, with minimal human contact(only people from my home) but spending the majority of my time in my room in solitude. I would sleep at days and was active at night, used the online world, video games and alcohol as an escape, I became alcoholic dependent due to the temporary happiness it gave me, it's better to be temporarily happy than to feel permanent sorrow in life. Little did I know things got worse. My mind keeps on telling me to kill myself to the point I cut my arms and hang myself obviously. Mom was worried that she had consulted me a psychologist and I was diagnosed with severe depression. It did help time to time and I improved thinking the depression was gone. I told myself that I should in turn help my mom due to her getting older and having a heart disease.

Moving on to January 1st of 2018. I moved to California with the daughter of my mom's best friend(she's 36 years old and very rich). She offered me a job into her company which I had not really lasted due to my lack of field in that area(idiot decision). I feel like the work that is not related to my field is not worth it because why would I work something that I am not interested in (I know I am picky, stupid, timid and stubborn). At least I tried but turns out it did not work for me. Now I'm looking for a job for almost a month now, I have been looking online, walk-ins and even phone calls(which is a challenge for me considering I'm an introvert who barely knows how to converse with people). I have 2400 USD in loans(rent, utilities and smartphone) which I'm really uncomfortable having, and it increases every single day. I'd sporadically have breakdowns and depression which I do not know the reason of(loans maybe? or missing my former life in solitude). I talked about it with the daughter of my mom's bestfriend but she would not understand and told me to tick it off like it was a dust on my shoulder which made it seem like it is not a big deal, only would she realize my condition  when I take my own life that's for sure. Whenever I meet with people, I try my best to smile and look normal even though I am not. It almost feels like a rain cloud following on top of your head, heavy weights over your shoulders and chest while having no energy to move at the same time. I know I miss my relatives back there, but I do not think this is the real cause. I feel like I'm incapable of working as well even if I try to. I have a Degree in Game Programming and Animation but I suck and also have the passion to do urban exploration and the field of the paranormal(I am very brave when it comes to that). I feel like having the perfect job for me is exploring haunted places while having a go pro on top of my head even alone, but that would take time to garner some viewers, and I also don't have the right equipment for it another job is video game streaming but I am positive that no one would watch me stream because I suck at gaming as well. The reason I would not resort to suicide yet is because I love my mom and I would petition her here as soon as I get a boring odd job. By the time my mom passes away, I would not hesitate to kill myself right away because this stupid life that has no meaning. I don't know if it's more of an avolition rather than being lazy. I know I sound like a 13 year old because of my attitude which I can hardly change but I try my best to change. I might be mentally ill as well. I might have gotten used to the online world and a place of solidarity too much, that being thought to swim for the first day and thrown into a pool the second day without any guidance is overwhelming, I am not used to this world anymore being around people I hardly know. Right now, the only thing that makes me happy is I am going to die one day and memes which has not really have much use in life so I might as well do it now. I know it does not sound sound so severe for the majority and only an small group can relate. I don't want to wake up another day knowing that I have the same problem. I can say that I maybe a selfish person when I take my own life, but I do have a breaking point and I am pretty sure it's going to happen soon.

Edit: I also tried watching motivational videos, speeches and music but it barely helped at all.",5.4036462585034,5.6911393510204125,6.083877551020411,80.5356462585034,67.73469387755102,9.268027210884354,28.98639455782313,9.165898944805102,2.2306374149659867,3884,124,776,67,60,1271,390,980,0.13699999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.135,-0.2647,7,2,3,0,0,7,92.0,3,2,0,18,43,48,8,2,53,0,89,26,9,15,7,154,153,65,6,21,35,10,8,7,0,14,14,5,2,4,48,43,3,2,28,9,3,20,25,21,4,4,26,19,119,27,113,106,20,119,0,9,6,2,52,50,2,12,55,550,167,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591606086176297,0.08050234493002804,0.04163164177082,0.0443580401693253,0.0964358206282571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02733512341300341,0.08429945563557721,0.0,0.0,0.03986430919634733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035783570807868516,0.0,0.0,0.07553221531982654,0.030908768678363938,0.0,0.12251762687820256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655181924964576,0.03555070030603045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258613397600267,0.08504552322150445,0.06925176773797234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418756242175128,0.0,0.0,0.15554121412175487,0.04144101600672721,0.13848537955627993,0.040798787962232665,0.04171781158612722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035176388907487297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327476528559083,0.036360201835238616,0.033867439802447635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162325561904494,0.11486607586276948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03419127873829352,0.0,0.0,0.031055858221213324,0.0,0.06300332474556081,0.0,0.06853410527458703,0.0,0.032148960102365634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03554579476653957,0.1283703522002108,0.07201666657138338,0.0,0.08250678872313719,0.0,0.0,0.047633263887762255,0.0808289696010602,0.0,0.04032055132699093,0.0,0.0,0.046381576239211214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393340375561249,0.035728659521457415,0.08894335006558146,0.0,0.22091046203379328,0.03276566230806335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874474586466734,0.13746648517294405,0.04028763725362949,0.035494408266523725,0.0,0.1012652718917269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627907654729918,0.03803507416286645,0.02683159859436866,0.0,0.08076594343400538,0.043785972761471066,0.0,0.08098786012274721,0.040508802947974785,0.12792698796919189,0.04058719189010032,0.28246722175548594,0.03208460954092359,0.21361356748790605,0.059098375421605676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03772186478411674,0.039384215597358115,0.0,0.0,0.12653897363449998,0.0,0.05447662653424702,0.09171416817270668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111469277355645,0.03509819386914912,0.08399395836577404,0.0,0.07599771788706526,0.0,0.0,0.04089447843215118,0.0,0.038462797752433636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575262638190999,0.07725307488501201,0.08265777146783274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029832451006394,0.0,0.031966016364895114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03659355128443968,0.0,0.13623243361802742,0.0,0.033251112252034296,0.0,0.040225713402545986,0.0,0.0,0.030945371050942607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032101123637365496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793729586642128,0.0,0.07576979761859437,0.0,0.09066871112191394,0.03230857184582909,0.03513367341515135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340978124323256,0.05151282386513499,0.03949303778132727,0.031911676954380984,0.14063405759536285,0.0,0.0,0.07681930799689815,0.0,0.13645454873258694,0.08744489849526843,0.0,0.041846165487767935,0.0,0.1735851438357576,0.0,0.0663329478076137,0.023709045587941274,0.0,0.0,0.048948731865261136,0.144566584792837,0.0372627286313606,0.03627125496976442,0.0,0.0,0.03874816879802384,0.0,0.20484565202086105,0.04082168363116562,0.04096385492990684,0.2855457089946111,0.0,0.0,0.10354138596703084
suicidewatch,Still_Melancholic,2018/02/13,"I nearly lost it I am in Uni and nearly lost my shit. I am a stem major and just in the middle of class I get hit by this wave. Just like, I don't even know. I felt like I was sinking into the floor and just fuck. I left the room to go to the bathroom and by the bathroom is this giant staircase. It goes up for around 4 floors.  I climbed up this staircase and just sat on the top floor peering over the edge for what felt like forever. Eventually I started tearing up and went to the bathroom and ran to a stall. As soon as I closed the door I just started punching the wall as hard as I could and just started sobbing. I hate this feeling and I hate that this can suddenly happen. Its been happening a lot recently and at some point I just want to yell as loud as I can. I just want to be happy or just not have this, whatever this is. ",1.623389513108613,3.0781532865168586,3.158224719101124,93.5555018726592,77.93258426966294,6.0949812734082425,23.664419475655432,6.742157984588678,0.5359044194756559,647,21,150,6,15,213,95,178,0.138,0.767,0.095,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,12,11,4,0,13,0,12,2,1,0,0,33,34,17,0,3,11,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,12,13,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,9,6,19,4,29,22,3,33,0,3,0,1,0,23,3,3,9,110,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042032173425066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490987026781076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116039802694121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854369894383901,0.0,0.32447798035498443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621128638943513,0.0882805541257947,0.0,0.096030309743017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988416060426705,0.17987313957358309,0.15136513644850813,0.33364844338940064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286223264861612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835878615744358,0.0,0.0,0.2476525934016141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689043684622962,0.1436533956947673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597325381111414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683881908542236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734466582417162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587963646643129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993273552546599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663813037330596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,floop--is--a--madman,2018/02/13,"I thought I was finally getting better. Instead I'm just a social and academic failure. Hey, I'm 23 and male. (Interesting name, I know.) I got out of a long term therapy program a few months ago, and from there I got a part time job and enrolled for the Spring 2018 semester at a local college.  The idea was to have my family and some old high school friends as a support system while I go back to school for my bachelor's in Psychology.  It seemed to be going well for a while, but when school started I panicked about assignments and stopped showing up to my job.

From there I decided to join a theater club on campus and try to make new friends there, as I've never been on this campus before.  I figured I'd have time for something only happening a few hours a week.  On top of that I was desperate to make new friends so I wouldn't have to be alone in my apartment all the time.  Well, the people there just aren't keen on hanging out outside rehearsals.  I've asked a several times and everyone either lives off campus and wants to be home or they have other plans already.  So now the entire reason I wanted to be a part of this just isn't going to happen.

So rather than sit in my apartment all the time, I make a 30 minute drive down to where my high school friends live.  At least then I have some people to be around.  The problem is that this house is a party house where all my friends sit around, drink, smoke pot and play videos games.  It was never ideal, but I went along and got dragged down with them into their party habits.  Anything was better than being alone, right?

In visiting more often and getting more and more hooked on pot, my assignments started slipping behind.  This last weekend I spent Friday night and all of Saturday high playing This Is The Police and Dragon Ball FighterZ with my friends.  We had a birthday party and someone I barely knew offered me cocaine.  I didn't take it, but that was the first time I've come in contact with cocaine.  It was just a freaky experience to be around people who were super amped on the stuff and acting super excited/aggressive.  Sunday morning I was supposed to go to a Catholic service as part of my Intro to Religious Studies class (I have to write a paper about my experience in the service and what much of the rituals and practices mean within the faith, how they came to be, etc.).  I got home high and set my alarm for 9:00pm, missing the opportunity to go this Sunday.  When I woke up late, I stayed in bed all day and just kept sleeping, only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom.  If it's not obvious, I was ashamed (as I had made plans to go with my sister) for not showing up when I said I'd be there.  The police showed up at my door because I wasn't responding to my sister or parents after not showing up, and I have a history of suicidality, so they freaked out and filed a missing person report.  That was an awkward conversation to have with police, but I told them everything was fine and that I needed space.

Today I woke up and watched the clock as I passively skipped my morning classes while lying in bed.  10:00am was the deadline for an article review worth 4% of my final grade, and I just watched as the clock went from 9:59 to 10:00, then on to 10:01.  All I had even done for the assignment was start reading the article.  I never sat down and completed it over the weekend like I told myself I would.

Soon after that, I went to see my psychiatrist and asked for the old ADHD meds I used to use in high school, as I haven't been doing a good job paying attention even when I'm in class and take outright awful notes.  She agreed to write the prescription and asked me more about how things were going.  I told her and she said that I seem to be getting more depressed, adding, ""It really DOES get better, you know.""  It's kind of funny to hear that when you know things are actively getting worse, but I politely thanked her.  She convinced me to make an appointment next week rather than waiting the regular 5 weeks.

I dropped out of college 2 years ago, and all the same things are happening now that happened then.  Alcohol/marijuana consumption increasing, failing to go to classes or get assignments done, being part of a theater program but being too socially inept to get people to spend time with me, isolating and staying in bed all day.  I've done all of this before, and I'm already falling apart all over again.  I can't go back to this, but no matter what I do it continues to fall apart.  I'm either miserable because I'm alone, miserable because I'm an addict who can't stay on top of his responsibilities, miserable because the only friends I have are absolutely toxic to me, miserable because I feel too lethargic and empty to go to class, miserable because I'm too much of a coward to call and quit my job, or miserable because my ex who left me 3 YEARS AGO doesn't talk to me, which doesn't even make any sense that I would still feel heartbroken over that!  No matter what choice I make, I'm just trapped in feeling miserable with no chance of recovery.  Everything seems hopeless, and I don't know what to do.  All I can think to do is commit suicide, which means that all the therapy and pills and programs and groups and meetings ultimately changed nothing.  No matter how hard I try, it's hopeless.  All I'll ever be is a worthless failure and an addict, leeching off my parents and siblings until they hate me and leave.  I'm just incapable of being a functional human being.  There's nothing I can do.  I don't have a plan yet, but it's only a matter of time before I fall apart and make one.

I just don't know what to do anymore.",7.042453041771799,6.279950163504973,7.1925547456624015,77.49014227642277,64.52845528455285,10.091573996199731,35.07536678815064,9.314750747691287,3.0412002429679466,4449,177,859,68,58,1439,420,1107,0.14400000000000002,0.752,0.104,-0.9952,7,4,6,0,1,4,117.0,1,2,7,15,56,48,1,10,60,1,79,6,1,14,19,169,176,85,2,11,29,5,4,1,7,3,3,3,6,3,46,65,2,3,21,14,4,24,23,20,2,2,46,10,103,28,148,112,35,170,2,14,3,0,59,65,0,11,74,596,149,36,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314150940654314,0.051340751288629714,0.0,0.11360525102096128,0.045654343919853416,0.0,0.13273410854424153,0.09428445397465096,0.0,0.0,0.046286753286741054,0.0,0.029050845973882494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236644147607563,0.0,0.0,0.03515465505811851,0.1140887116068836,0.11981139664861795,0.0,0.0,0.06569759093828477,0.0,0.1822906344795786,0.0,0.10905389862656567,0.0,0.0,0.11334625089303807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043621567604913786,0.0488599310029738,0.0,0.0,0.04519175491815923,0.03679921995555888,0.044790769628241946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510131642442439,0.0,0.03679439608099897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03738427811826447,0.13115118771007686,0.0,0.04184902090846837,0.0,0.04371289559392428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764373342936527,0.08464783330029299,0.038642394516950083,0.0,0.04082048305983717,0.0767873840475436,0.08357608473446182,0.040272310483418255,0.0,0.06480105836907922,0.0,0.0,0.09359463829942176,0.0,0.036337336300583126,0.0,0.0,0.23103582087338045,0.0,0.17855414860673174,0.0,0.2670643524364016,0.035831239101907435,0.136667316118285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110748075726646,0.0,0.038268440506152426,0.042176837762641514,0.0,0.0,0.04814818190033861,0.0,0.0,0.2256784265068397,0.08570264040770516,0.0,0.04207027762601788,0.09858554556298353,0.0,0.048225316627670704,0.0,0.0,0.16957075472218028,0.0,0.0,0.04448597077681881,0.11738808911888896,0.03482223930589564,0.048189657544931465,0.04523397078877789,0.046415055164985376,0.0,0.0,0.020870676826359853,0.0,0.07544451670515337,0.03780557073796425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042239226126931,0.19961001761531136,0.0,0.0,0.09306850613339514,0.04745193181835546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034098439426182944,0.0,0.06280775746792619,0.031676099952867534,0.09884414782125893,0.08251786247005058,0.045432862218611536,0.0400895239115583,0.0,0.0819813664328456,0.0,0.08965423171762768,0.0,0.028947959420411576,0.12996096062697152,0.0,0.0,0.09487029381666352,0.18504499317436504,0.0,0.11846578332031132,0.03730117507240063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040876962446747295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543763604353795,0.042731238571725214,0.0,0.02736731963958244,0.043922943957042666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036482371612854184,0.08127239300999205,0.0,0.0,0.21617297425576898,0.034042052446702206,0.11667117129194145,0.0,0.04826107648986396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275052966071489,0.0870946638512704,0.03619624455587925,0.03288769523454661,0.0,0.0,0.09071162393891767,0.136600478206368,0.03411599005015061,0.035715563685403316,0.0,0.0,0.048903810739653664,0.09345678813946312,0.048477784366179416,0.0,0.0,0.06423976268325325,0.034336458999954834,0.0,0.039330539951203336,0.09770734974579913,0.0,0.08514316754416808,0.02737304473031735,0.0,0.03391465251365981,0.19928150236880465,0.0,0.040493259682262576,0.12246144917951148,0.0,0.05800771436473971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737921713501825,0.0,0.0,0.050394345849954426,0.0,0.1028014466895309,0.0,0.07682024193439492,0.11880470854445994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353500154673117,0.0606936671561497,0.0,0.0,0.05502014405063252
suicidewatch,Mostly_me,2018/02/13,"I want to quit I won't. I have a 4 year old daughter who needs me and who I love more than anything, but I want to quit.

Stuff is happening and I cannot deal because I'm weak. it's not even happening to me or with me and I cannot deal 

My land lord is an addict and there's dealers outside who want to kill him and now I had to give him a 1000 pesos I don't have. Otherwise they would have killed him. I won't let someone be killed.

There's a lot of paranoia in my mind. My friend who is dealing with this, she's a real friend. Part of me knows that. 

And there are thoughts that say this is all a scam. Just to get money from me.

I don't know  .

They guy I've been dating is here to protect me, to help me. But he cannot deal with seeing me like this 

Or what if he gets hurt or hurts someone and it's all my fault?

My daughter isn't with me now. She's with her dad.

I don't know if shell be ok if I just quit . Maybe she had enough of a stable base that she'll be ok.

Her dad and I are divorced. He'll take care of her. And her grand parents will as well. but I cannot do this to her.

I cannot abandon her like this.

But life is too hard. I cannot take this anymore. I don't want to. I don't know how others do this 

I'm trying to hold on till tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow everything will be a bit better 

I don't know what I need. Just to get this out of my head. I will be ok. Don't worry about me doing anything, because even for that I'm too stupid and cowardly. I'll be ok.

I don't want to,but I will be.",-1.4448043478260857,0.3342039652173909,1.0444746376811622,102.93627717391306,90.5072463768116,4.261594202898551,15.871376811594205,5.518913224919472,-1.02921884057971,1148,25,309,7,40,388,138,345,0.14300000000000002,0.675,0.182,0.6449,1,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,2,4,16,22,4,0,8,4,48,5,1,1,2,52,76,23,3,11,14,5,1,2,2,9,3,1,0,1,22,16,0,3,6,0,2,0,18,9,1,0,4,3,55,13,31,55,7,12,1,3,1,1,39,4,0,7,10,205,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306875735928447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376391910537817,0.0,0.0,0.15560609379516974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526834993185618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361797946167875,0.1032194061519668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639563189973503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898898188212414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769097122819753,0.0,0.1248930728738246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497156965865621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609153083072873,0.0,0.1481886620865844,0.09069684076096697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361509736264467,0.16721288251153624,0.0,0.08469436740241951,0.0,0.09703115417574586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337198294106575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024262327610478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138023929914728,0.0,0.25979919267692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667937349571104,0.06678041676000926,0.09238049670640233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803793644893694,0.0853311763624006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996770643424365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546419476012208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020886201791335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920979715718556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104981799804361,0.10238376865245036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016829369111706,0.0,0.10761369368781326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518652732188448,0.0,0.0,0.07534067390569266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602165123248544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082321949726884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217318475951427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505871685195797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419031723793422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278827487217205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500792961877278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601573735758268,0.0,0.06716254539163517,0.0,0.0,0.06088432443450555
suicidewatch,Noisyblades,2018/02/13,"Just lost my only friend in a long, long time... I’m going to be alone forever, so why not just end it? In the last 4 years, this person was my only friend. Before that, I had only had one time where I had any close friends in my entire life and those people have all long since moved on from each other. This new person and I were only friends online, but they just abandoned me today after ‘taking a break’ 2 weeks ago...

I just want to die right now. My greatest desire in life is to have a few close friends and maybe find love some day. I would give up anything in the world that I didn’t need in order to secure that. There’s just no value or happiness in the material world or in career pursuits for me... I just want to have people around me to share my life with. Once you get a taste of what most people take for granted, you can’t go back. And I’ve already exhausted all my outlets (college and work)... I have no connections to make friends through, my college endeavors probably won’t last much longer due to my circumstances, etc.

I literally feel like my heart is a smoldering ember, like it’s being burned out of me and it fucking hurts. Nothing matters anymore, I’m just going to live day in and day out all alone doing nothing but working, watching videos, maybe playing video games every now and then. My life will be without purpose. I have no social skills to work with and I feel like all I do is pointless and without meaning because I am entirely solitary. It is not a good life, I don’t know how anyone can ever bare this burden. I wish my parents had never had me. I wish I could stop existing right this moment.

I already know how I’m going to do it since I’ve been suicidal before. I will have the means in just a few weeks and then it’ll all be over finally. I wish I could tell you this wasn’t what I knew was going to happen to me eventually.",3.7325818430567774,4.742008401055411,4.673362650249198,86.55838366070557,71.8496042216359,7.1979282712791965,26.17424020326395,7.3871296695380915,1.215000508159875,1460,46,301,15,27,475,189,379,0.118,0.7070000000000001,0.175,0.9725,1,2,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,3,1,5,18,21,1,0,11,0,39,10,1,3,7,68,69,20,2,10,16,1,2,3,6,5,6,0,0,2,18,19,1,3,8,4,0,6,13,6,0,1,13,4,43,15,40,45,13,60,0,3,1,2,19,23,1,4,32,204,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689841159264473,0.0,0.0,0.15632553858161113,0.16656308098699174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132127521244763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484462947208106,0.05276944024473163,0.0,0.062104274996272836,0.06718310569767236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803073942097513,0.0,0.04600499330031263,0.0,0.12843653846170272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051116457355385,0.0,0.0,0.14601312268126598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832455179822546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684283049762205,0.0,0.08416750264949913,0.0,0.06826572161290251,0.06358559910563963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631844189339082,0.10782964837690788,0.0,0.08267222570544935,0.06897698596948271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498413866984309,0.0697695580203053,0.03942925882953936,0.07239641330919531,0.21445288692585932,0.06329952954916468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673668482473187,0.08033778952749432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943072282190923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807907590200165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295120126622163,0.1230340574961743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665287242727548,0.11061052234815716,0.0,0.06664020745860946,0.20036216179222874,0.0,0.0,0.08238295495246299,0.0,0.06811341012829263,0.0,0.05037591508353894,0.0,0.15163682080900248,0.16441498540791036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021123973374476,0.05547814699417023,0.05595905347471206,0.05820608136547071,0.07288809994682564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482842505774676,0.0,0.0,0.08037165749184916,0.05113951564747357,0.2295892599205949,0.0,0.0,0.0837990133373052,0.0,0.0,0.15696139471736395,0.13179264200150395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813679774177318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889964275941188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124856907153736,0.0,0.0,0.07693079260179106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309517715643025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255046253883318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348607690163436,0.0,0.06596293330453719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801276249419858,0.0,0.07153546324505781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902673935354362,0.0,0.12107281012365602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809872523636103,0.0,0.2603556958223848,0.1454981859650775,0.0,0.1648262450463512,0.0,0.0,0.05361076917646068,0.0,0.0,0.04859934126513238
suicidewatch,Katietennyson,2018/02/13,"Would you live with brain damage? I have a severe brain injury/injuries from when I tried to taper off a psyche drug,I cannot process anything,think,remember or feel much of anything it was compounded by the fact that I couldn't get any real sleep for six months so it just deteriorated and deteriorated and never healed to the point I'm non functional now and can't register anything.

I was unable to stand all October and November and had vertigo a sure sign that the brain injury was deteriorating.
because I have a mental health history no one is taking me seriously at all and thinks it's part of my mental illness,therefore I cannot get a neurologist,rehibiltation or any help,I've tried at the hospital twice.But truly I don't want help anyway there's nothing they can do it was like my brain was wiped out when it happened.

i was a painter,poet,writing novels everything before it happened,with a hundred interests if you asked me before this I wanted to live a thousand years.

Sincerely if this happened to you would you go on? And what would you live for? ",6.259590994371487,7.046985863414638,7.080000000000003,72.38923076923079,65.97560975609754,9.81988742964353,32.354596622889304,9.851270322608157,3.1552739212007497,862,34,154,18,13,287,122,205,0.08900000000000001,0.843,0.069,-0.4059,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,5,1,0,7,6,0,0,12,0,20,8,5,0,5,29,32,14,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,2,0,3,7,1,19,4,17,21,4,14,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,4,7,106,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611850798783151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505132100909212,0.0,0.11079315645691136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224409846809211,0.0,0.20169075715233487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291964199747077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743683379640662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651136151488856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059923463036783274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383574273385553,0.0,0.0673533647910916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096003622232543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125973208048358,0.0,0.0,0.15887281386153812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789920394049244,0.0,0.3139460326499701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886537991038215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459551862235586,0.0,0.08712029774922032,0.0,0.09140411881290876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371590614686007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030711318507053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283374502790174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203258572420643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489313047152232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425151984346587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388535184183106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859805295166928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116965954112645,0.0,0.08910662437139655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187600407008858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092436829283635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398034444253874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525635638321935,0.0,0.0,0.07631814166178298
suicidewatch,hahaamanda,2018/02/13,"(Serious) Sexually traumitized friend. This is for my best friend and roommate i met her in high school and we quickly became friends. while we had a sleepover one night, we watched a movie that had an sex scene in it, and she started to cry. i was terrified. we stayed up for hours talking about her past. ever since she was a young child, her parents were swingers, and would force her to watch them having sex; whether it would be just them, a threesome, gang bang, orgy, etc. i don't know how they found the most corrupted people to actually let a child watch them participate. My friend has severe PTSD. Anything sexual makes her scream. She believes that sexually-active parents don't love their children and that if a child died, the parents would just have a sex party on that child's corpse. i am pregnant myself, and as a woman who is very sexually active, i can tell you that that child is my number one priority and that even though I haven't met him yet, my boyfriend and I would give our lives up just so he can live happy. she was given to a foster care in sixth grade and her parents were put in prison for fifteen years for child abandonment and sexual abuse involving a child. She never had a safe childhood. We tried therapy, medical marijuana, and she's currently on medication. The other day she relapsed so hard, i caught her slicing her thighs open because she looked up sexually-active parents and getting caught be their kids. I'm afraid for her and i love her so much. i'm begging anyone for help.
",6.268954248366015,6.91341439792388,6.146407151095732,79.59259034986546,65.9204152249135,9.190388312187617,31.626489811610927,9.150863307647796,2.5883470203767787,1207,45,228,20,18,379,161,289,0.134,0.759,0.108,-0.8454,6,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,6,1,6,1,13,14,0,1,15,0,27,8,1,2,2,37,44,22,1,5,5,5,1,0,4,4,2,1,0,10,12,19,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,4,0,2,14,6,46,10,21,23,4,29,0,1,4,5,62,11,0,2,14,156,58,3,0.0,0.11954359099187464,0.09845856582412033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705478433900218,0.0,0.08302765096556665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061504405721519585,0.0,0.0,0.11367365271835556,0.10588264772252412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028687589897573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110827969699333,0.06506866388344539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471265543519814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112524138363187,0.06663992527333062,0.09126493316810748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062571046002444,0.3118036404616844,0.0,0.05271325911342578,0.09678728454290003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074041674044865,0.09038173510986024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762751705023493,0.10660067405292876,0.0,0.0,0.09936084768810263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554490281572376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317155430606564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818354325780106,0.0,0.08472604482347143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821226137023827,0.0,0.06734792242366748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032813699721327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416913288376374,0.0,0.07781612792316966,0.0,0.0,0.09468273812392076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367375709959223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601575117853159,0.0,0.0963153028150905,0.0699476050370872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794037672505013,0.10142693043259132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211071179633993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398216843255793,0.0,0.08346104763659748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141371025135286,0.10754020871012754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109524979063526,0.08818631895151742,0.0,0.1153817569544222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991284226102735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850080385689415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832486034584975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866904883083086,0.0,0.0,0.06497280813535035
suicidewatch,dvo78437,2018/02/13,"I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to start with saying that my life is good. I have money, free time, family and friends who love me. I understand I'm privileged and lucky to be. I should be happy.


I've spent a lot of time thinking about what is wrong with me and still find it extremely difficult to articulate. I've been told it's depression but I'm not sure. My whole life I've felt empty, like I'm not really a person but more a reflection of a person. I'm going to try to sum it into large points, I think that'll make it easier to explain.


1. There is no real ""me"" all I am is what I copy from others. I act differently in different groups of people. I am undecided on so many things because I have no ""me"" to refer to how I feel about anything. I've been like this as long as I can remember.


2. There is nothing I want. I'm at the point of my life where it is time for me to become an adult and do things, be independent and just, live life I guess but I find myself wanting nothing. I truly realized the extent of this when an investment I had made me a large amount of money so I left my job to just, do things. It's been over 8 months and I realize there's nothing I want to do. I don't want to see places, I don't want to travel or experience things. I think this is what triggered the realization of how deep this problem in me is. If I have the means to do pretty much anything (I have the time and money) but all I want to do is nothing then what is the point of my life at all?


3. I have no sexual orientation. I'm not interested in a companion or a lover. I've heard of people being asexual and ""that's okay"" but (this goes hand in hand with number 2) if I want nothing AND no one, again life is a very empty venture. Almost everyone I know is pursuing a job or a partner or a family. They have goals that they strive for, how can I do that when there is nothing I want.


4. I've seen psychiatrists and psychologists and been on medications (currently on lexapro/escatilopram have been for years now). I notice the difference these things make, same with regular exercise and a healthy diet but still it always comes back to the central realization of ""I am no one and I want nothing"". Everything is work because it pursues no goal for me.


5. The only thing that has helped me is drugs and alcohol. They kind of reset my feelings and thoughts for a time and for that period suddenly not wanting anything doesn't matter but after a few days it's even worse.



6. Seeing the world too clearly. I'm not sure what other way to put this, I think it comes from not enjoying anything. This has always been the hardest to put into words. A big part of this is the ""why"". It's also seeing the meaningless behind things. Like I said this is the one that is really difficult to put into words, it always sounds like teenage angst and ""life is meaningless"". It's not just the why DO this or that it's the why FEEL anything at all. Why worry, why care. A good example of this is when I had a car accident on the way to work early last year and for a second I was stressed then I thought ""why worry, I don't have to go to work now I guess"". It sounds almost comical the way I've put it but the experience was a lot darker and empty. 


This is so hard because what I've said here barely scratches the surface of the depth this has in me. It's not just ""I don't want anything"" it's looking into the world and thinking ""there's nothing out there that interests me"", it's seeing all the circles we run in every day and not understanding the point. There is no where I can begin because all the paths are the same. There is no excitement, joy, wonder. What I have is not depression in that I sit at home in bed and do nothing. I actively seek for something but am always empty. I am healthy and do everything that should help.



This isn't just a fleeting feeling or a off the cuff post. I've tried so much to just break free of this and I'm at the point where I think I should just lie down and embrace it. I don't even know why I'm posting this in the first place, I know nothing anyone says will help because it can't. Has anyone here felt this way or heard of this before? Sometimes I think I could be some kind of psychopath but I don't want to hurt anyone or do anything weird. I just want to be left alone, lie down and never wake up. I still feel I haven't explained it properly...


Edit: I forgot to mention the unreality of everything. Another one that is hard to explain.",1.7583979164019825,3.6311630496760254,3.6317080421801538,88.42865849320292,78.87041036717063,6.949439715411002,22.881158683775894,7.928766900206844,1.0959133172405031,3488,111,753,60,85,1175,315,926,0.108,0.762,0.13,0.952,5,1,3,0,0,0,110.0,1,0,3,6,44,35,0,1,53,1,90,17,3,8,10,163,166,61,0,21,38,0,12,4,4,5,11,8,2,4,72,39,2,1,34,3,7,12,30,10,0,6,23,26,82,27,94,131,19,99,0,3,6,2,28,46,0,19,37,522,154,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044003902843958886,0.08246228538599996,0.042645221425252205,0.0,0.032927894497949216,0.1370446837521314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043175920990547664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637223901384633,0.0,0.2371865029720289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031661285219710136,0.0,0.12550048723707755,0.045474914204495835,0.035037170966999806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198099054283188,0.0,0.0,0.07093779739779403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032875148514337184,0.0,0.0,0.053109359730831765,0.0,0.07092849842252727,0.0,0.0,0.12905836043928726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775030755872285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054391830914442656,0.0,0.0346919892670217,0.0393447899232085,0.11101718797673336,0.08055474237434931,0.07763286844840388,0.0,0.10409741373367457,0.0,0.07906954304104377,0.0,0.07526700669908643,0.03502371250775503,0.0,0.0,0.031811955860053406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046801774968910345,0.0690718222558156,0.0,0.0,0.0907185307014952,0.0,0.0,0.04383190173916103,0.07377001150115133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279686218447922,0.0,0.041302210678921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407903966022962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172031810456866,0.0,0.0,0.08575553465049618,0.09051553258885883,0.03356338748215742,0.0,0.0,0.0894742275373636,0.0,0.20358346041603345,0.08046474061412834,0.0,0.03635856851903328,0.0364388690950032,0.03457690479983204,0.0,0.0,0.07001158193510071,0.037162340629757366,0.03896109042565344,0.05496970162979955,0.041745319326854234,0.0,0.044852002570837296,0.0,0.041479810557371176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03286575354744884,0.0,0.06053720676212996,0.0,0.03175695091983815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39508837207899933,0.04687838322774016,0.0,0.0,0.11160587006597776,0.031315691968852984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445888671388005,0.0,0.05709157521474685,0.07190541547296814,0.08603890695952482,0.0,0.19461996748464488,0.0,0.0788691636003942,0.041890110829874636,0.0,0.03939922753507393,0.0,0.16557030721846486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686653708216122,0.052755938257873454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466436193680641,0.0,0.07833433094966741,0.0654885461144444,0.0,0.0,0.13124562000964102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03169877872745839,0.04072345171380743,0.0,0.02914410870835037,0.0,0.09864800910693597,0.0,0.047166198494856135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761451769255702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148540573433054,0.1846844107714132,0.0,0.06537722135784463,0.12004832284181685,0.0,0.0,0.0393447899232085,0.0,0.05591068905923115,0.0,0.0,0.08572993603506701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033973957388201116,0.340007849371667,0.13073223355361271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260080300376019,0.04597078265954942,0.0,0.0,0.04465288621449357,0.08992838637206994,0.08363108747841068,0.04196117639401418,0.0,0.0900375135447281,0.0,0.05303112180332542
suicidewatch,nerdnails,2018/02/13,"I gotta get this off my chest. I have a multitude of mental health issues, including anxiety/depression. I take citalopram (celexa) for it. Last week I decided to stop cold turkey cuz I thought it was keeping me from sleeping. I know now that was a mistake. I have become wildly unstable and suicidal. I am back on my meds and plan on discussing better options with my doctor. 

I did have a scary thought over the weekend. I’m a vet tech student and work at a vet clinic. We obviously carry drugs used for euthanasia. I thought today how easy it would be for me to wait for a big dog to come in for euthanasia, wait for the doctor to draw up the meds and set them aside as we wait for the owners to be ready. Depending on the day those syringes sit out without anyone watching them. It would take me less than 2 seconds to grab the syringe and inject myself. 

I’m hoping as I become more mentally stable after getting back on my med this idea will pass and I can stop thinking about. I’m a little scared. Not gonna lie. ",2.4736816178376984,4.601769793103448,3.8645268343271972,86.38560020741508,77.66995073891627,6.63821623023075,25.4625356494685,7.669130373188453,1.4590847290640396,800,30,156,12,19,263,128,203,0.099,0.833,0.069,-0.7209,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,2,3,5,4,0,1,13,0,13,7,2,4,1,36,34,10,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,8,11,0,6,7,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,6,3,24,2,32,21,2,27,0,0,1,0,6,12,0,3,11,105,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060515564791892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927761800074084,0.0,0.0,0.2862212483976653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460273537527008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162145814323456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356820188490056,0.0,0.11160682609633447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652606758176848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027134058318836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540011479235514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773718680855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870190347597665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627973549169293,0.0,0.13524756561132373,0.0,0.11517641220013156,0.0,0.0,0.07121362731015722,0.10562476954214822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987292490239302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318015839201023,0.0,0.26117176790625546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297319087294679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967330456698328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666890231840685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417391860222625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948556515638016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302945470876634,0.0,0.3086154791243589,0.0,0.0,0.12282642665157972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191527667719683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394103817578383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491022952599773,0.0,0.09433558209717577,0.0,0.0,0.18409943570029916,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,farawaythrowoflife,2018/02/13,"Living a good life (maybe), I still want to die though I am spoiled by my parents: they treat me good food whenever I please and gave me a nice computer (although it sucks because I can't play the latest games but it's fine). I am constantly at the highest section a school can have, but I never got to top the class. I just spend my leisure time playing computer games and whatnot.

In short, I am living a good life in my own eyes. 

Good food, shelter, luxurious things, good education (sometimes but mostly it sucks actually) but the problem is:

**I still want to die.**

These thoughts have been creeping inside my life for about 5 years now.

Well, I've never went to a doctor for a mental checkup, if that's what you need to hear.

I can't talk about this to my family because I am scared of what they will say or do. I spoke at it to one of my crushes but she said: ""How about you tell it to your mother?"" That struck me real hard because I would NEVER tell it to ANY family members unless I am caught red-handed slitting my wrists (which I can never do because I am also a chicken, and only attempted it when I am alone and depressed, which is always)

I never called the suicide hotline because I don't want to speak about it either. I have trust issues to everyone that I meet. I always doubt if they are just there for me because I am this or they want to use me for their personal gain.

However, I can only talk about this to the girl of my dreams. She has depression too, but I can't really help her. She helps others and that makes her happy. I want also to help but I am a burden to the family, never getting any good grades to their eyes. I sound like a genius but in reality, I really am not. I just happen to know it and I can talk about it with what I knew.

Since I am a chicken when it comes to killing myself, my post becomes kind of rant to my idiotic self. Every time I think about killing myself, I remind myself always that I have promises to end, before I even really attempt to end my life. Yeah, I am bounded by verbal promises yet my mind shouts so hard to kill myself to simply end it all.

#Sorry I think I am missing the point of my post. This long wall of text has a summary down here.

**I live a good life. Yet I am a pathetic excuse for a human being, a helpless creature, so alone, a heavy burden, a complete failure, a waste of resources with no future to look at.**

*But I can't really kill myself yet sadly, I have been holding on to promises. And I have to fulfill them*

extra note: This sub makes me happy",1.6271456310679608,3.681495530097088,3.457679611650488,88.61816990291264,80.10679611650484,5.906407766990293,22.14466019417476,7.003673034542,0.6950823300970872,1958,61,402,23,50,656,231,515,0.203,0.64,0.156,-0.9889,2,2,0,0,0,8,76.0,0,3,7,4,29,38,7,2,26,1,41,12,3,4,7,59,69,30,7,10,19,2,2,1,0,2,7,7,0,4,30,10,2,2,5,5,1,3,13,17,1,1,10,12,84,21,58,56,6,42,0,5,3,0,40,13,2,6,25,297,114,6,0.0,0.0,0.0626780421474932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304332955292172,0.0,0.10272749379090802,0.16033051665474135,0.0,0.0,0.08735557085704546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23491967621930585,0.07093566166028882,0.05465397678536087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558478440235901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553274226368804,0.06734267314485667,0.06940851339903553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064033993659084,0.0,0.13331870469182555,0.0,0.0,0.06574089679547471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706629538621909,0.0,0.0,0.042422515603658825,0.0,0.05411553283864201,0.06137336936002255,0.0,0.0,0.18164758481597915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553314360098022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03355689623130411,0.0,0.0,0.37710448163084376,0.05136963751307901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056797314328592426,0.13674550050668416,0.11507277513464635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723905238321504,0.0,0.12915362909846076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703817839025837,0.0,0.0,0.2842385966774464,0.06688440976611415,0.035298467886330565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268334989949693,0.03137894658865794,0.0,0.1701456172069209,0.056840465443938226,0.05393601424097716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574644338730793,0.0,0.0645264609554417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472752203804842,0.0,0.06485277683724566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762484019217991,0.29722325355230583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043523096067323984,0.09769779092582703,0.0,0.0,0.07131847968541874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056082109364691136,0.0,0.07050393312475918,0.060716975094203963,0.0,0.12302686882330435,0.0,0.0,0.061458285804273885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310643408142797,0.1645864517743992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109629554926505,0.05107731846296897,0.06430423202816321,0.0650029730182565,0.0,0.0,0.06700464453798642,0.0,0.0,0.05313072577946351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352392396870447,0.07189888134790008,0.0,0.0,0.10258640278026636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702558807214116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487402569174094,0.11227760164512576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042670759697695716,0.0823104411713881,0.06310446834539551,0.05099049152325156,0.07490465775216654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547305970772226,0.0,0.0,0.1894190471100166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774940335290488,0.05954073962101102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562629558705061,0.0,0.0,0.04136124036199227
suicidewatch,vivivanst,2018/02/13,"im desperate im so desperate right now.

im desperate to get into an ivy league school. I spend so much effort trying to study just so some fucker can come along and earn a higher grade than me. that fucker has never cracked open a textbook in their life and yet they always seem to one-up me at school. i joined 50 million clubs, becoming an officer in them, spending 34592 hours a week. i give up my weekends and any free time to try to study or do something school related. but honestly, whats the point? all that shit i do for admission into an ivy league school is probably gonna be overshadowed by a bunch of random fuckers who are just naturally more smart and more accomplished than i am.

im desperate for a boy to like me back. we became best friends in 8th grade and i really liked him back then, but when he asked me out, i got scared and rejected him. twice. i rejected the boy i liked twice. 3 years later, we're still playing this dumb fucking push and pull game. once im no longer scared of his love, he suddenly becomes cold to me. once he starts becoming more affectionate, i suddenly become scared and shut him out. honestly, i dont even know if i should just give him up at this point. i cant take anymore of this stupid indecisiveness.  

im desperate for other people to like me. i create this fake fucking personality, mimicking the people who are well liked at my school, in order to get people to like me. i pretend im someone im fucking not just so people wont know the truth: that im a fucking pathetic loser. i only say what people want to hear. im so self-conscious in a conversation. i having this raging paranoia that everything i say can and will be made fun of, so i try to say as little as possible and choose my words as carefully as possible. im scared of getting close to people because im scared theyll one day realize how pathetic i am and leave. 

im desperate to stop living.
i cant take any of this anymore.

i know i have to keep going but fuck. life is so hard. all the fucking effort i put into everything never seems to achieve anything. whats the point of trying at this point? im trying so hard but i never get a fucking break. life keeps throwing punches in my face and i just cant seem to get back up and throw a punch back. it feels like david and goliath, except this time, goliath is an unmovable rock and david is a speck of dust. no matter what i do it never feels like enough. 

anyways sorry if this sounds like pathetic teenage troubles or something. i just had to write down my thoughts somewhere.",2.5729290617848943,4.5497731481481525,4.032642173065515,86.01378909229597,76.77777777777777,7.345859818628697,25.187261632341727,8.252601668568683,1.6176551741673018,2007,72,406,37,46,664,233,513,0.222,0.635,0.14300000000000002,-0.994,1,2,2,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,4,7,27,47,14,6,20,0,27,16,2,2,7,72,65,38,0,4,16,0,4,9,1,5,3,5,0,3,22,25,0,3,11,6,3,7,12,25,1,4,4,10,50,23,57,54,10,62,0,3,0,11,30,28,12,10,34,246,72,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036484212466867394,0.0,0.0,0.059634920546836875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869688742816438,0.0,0.0,0.03608234099494238,0.0,0.0409910215475847,0.0,0.0,0.13486253099980205,0.0,0.0267287212648653,0.1937022449991784,0.0,0.0,0.04601471625586416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470493379530042,0.0,0.0,0.037770303835699987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02827768449454825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138835174988515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045305667021278924,0.0,0.028960526759777932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881370392434607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434071639617868,0.06264860417956457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03387607967877105,0.28375088326758663,0.11454122621596215,0.0841240662414928,0.02491925779303621,0.0,0.035068447513501716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785565904375885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941875022646038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318045790932349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6630719050820882,0.0,0.0,0.07794644785812563,0.0,0.0,0.07229148549453801,0.0,0.0,0.046427636848026005,0.0,0.0,0.09291128813338864,0.1927928432576224,0.04394620815022696,0.03871770002370298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039573625015748334,0.04148908697841454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03223258652856545,0.0,0.13527002293702448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339123762812332,0.05942371735340519,0.03334761562601178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238791347531447,0.03828550489968705,0.0,0.0,0.16579833203826386,0.09886179777881847,0.0,0.0,0.04727447679618786,0.0,0.0,0.04407834073803708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028089507853809887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744509427451237,0.0,0.10460667127695744,0.2194924565314996,0.2218774998102632,0.0,0.11974997279522367,0.04574197860638896,0.0,0.04500831041399685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03715141669410145,0.0675111180598319,0.0,0.04908312125399682,0.031035128840053182,0.0,0.035016266959084164,0.03665805127636134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593496704033297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034809616385078165,0.051135070949836166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884615754197195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0258620937706398,0.0,0.03517141469214356,0.0,0.03942371444419402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028236027290606345
suicidewatch,09throwaway091999,2018/02/13,"I think tomorrow will be my last day I tried so hard to continue going on but everyday is the same. I dont even know if I have the balls to do it, but i’ve made up my mind in trying to do it. I’ve had to drop out of high school due to illness i got from my cheating ex-girlfriend, who i thought i loved and she was the last thing i had. My mom disowned me and im now living with a friends parents. They tell me im not a burden but i know i am. Nothing of mine is truly mine i’ve lost my job due to this illness as well and no matter how low of a job i go i cannot get one. There is a lot more to this story but, just going over this in my head has worsened it. If my mom ever finds this or any of my friends and family finds this just know im sorry i never meant to be a letdown and i promise i wont be missed. Goodbye   ",-1.4454176015956115,0.2172789633507861,1.610545998504115,99.71537521815011,89.20942408376963,4.475791573173772,17.995761655447517,5.622346879071545,-0.6195117925704312,626,17,165,4,21,221,107,191,0.14800000000000002,0.705,0.147,0.2282,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,1,0,8,0,18,4,1,2,2,33,33,15,0,2,10,3,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,8,1,0,3,6,5,1,1,8,1,29,5,21,20,3,23,0,3,0,1,10,8,0,4,11,114,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927329410817071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466321482216731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385641156002042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670764039746294,0.11874813745035352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237568717081074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399707618198568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284955168303065,0.0,0.06858714646870089,0.0,0.22382431731433344,0.0,0.10499471786269836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759897620324622,0.0,0.1347287280235483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870202996172332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254071223547182,0.0,0.26054559430157864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644026643757344,0.21401758928845832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592055760997573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433050472056002,0.1116075515022664,0.11848319181318173,0.12421807324097912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255298920311606,0.3075015610587374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124940580906427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596443221531126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895712357199964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576827899672487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285997610068315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695456552217978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474244006519395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721502802712743,0.08411740832066199,0.0,0.10421977904362316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782577949599752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803436047672405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImGonnaEnditx,2018/02/13,"I hit someones car and now im fearing for my life... I just want to end my life, i fear im going to get caught and go to jail........


I backed into a car today while delivering food. I was backing up and thought I was a little close to the car. I went a little more and went on ahead to the front of the store and picked up the food.

I went back to check on the car and saw a black line on the back of the bumper. But I didnt see anything on my vehicle. Then I get home this evening and notice a yellow lottle scuff on the back on my truck.

I feel like complete shit. I had to have scraped that car. I promise i promise i promise that I did not see rhe paint until now. The car is not back at the lot and im freaking out. If the cops get called and someone reports it then Im freaking out that I might go to jail over this. Ive never done anything in my life besides speed.

God I cant handle this guilt...im sorry..",-0.142611940298508,1.55676313432836,1.9494004975124388,98.98648880597015,84.32338308457712,4.418009950248757,19.50273631840796,4.935628992294339,-0.5905603980099499,694,19,173,2,20,232,102,201,0.086,0.835,0.08,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,2,16,0,11,7,1,1,1,25,28,15,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,7,13,2,0,2,0,2,14,5,5,0,0,12,6,24,4,27,14,2,48,0,0,5,0,1,17,1,3,18,113,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028230524947482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493072670255153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944295289987118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210835233689552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966065028763586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625592169139516,0.0,0.0,0.0643231545168723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191747623803948,0.04924176234427865,0.06957324844838914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355213456253509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264196788037676,0.0,0.16604172459598593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976870399368453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259730272589526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063618245806876,0.04757833903241812,0.19521459403864494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279489267176644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331215200407658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511081082064032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110875675157992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552095627893491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996629306217328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503127421386174,0.0,0.0,0.1090167046607762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731435108149262,0.0,0.0,0.09231143070823276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744133963920552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270836003489678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xkthrow,2018/02/13,i cant hack this. every thing i do makes it worse. i worked hard and tried to be a good person and its just made me more alone. ,-0.8425287356321824,0.8055307241379309,0.7937931034482766,106.58885057471264,86.58620689655174,3.866666666666666,9.666666666666666,3.1291,-2.303216091954023,97,0,27,0,3,31,26,29,0.229,0.674,0.098,-0.4391,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,17,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693580890747005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004736857639935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991218643574499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319467803993502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374491543703095,0.2380513369660518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113929997968212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23692717724773024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421263693748689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259628752717184,0.0,0.3634334495222484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,metalgearhuh,2018/02/13,"Mental illness and ADHD ruined me. I don't think I can ever succeed in the long-term so I guess it won't make any difference if I just end it now. I hate myself for getting suicidal when my problems are all of my own doing! This is so ungodly selfish and hurtful to my family! Fuck!

With my ADHD, things always get better for short bursts and with increases in medication but they quickly fall off and I can no longer focus on my schoolwork. And I hate it! I wish I could be fucking smart! I wish I could function like a normal human being and succeed and do well and not CONSTANTLY DISAPPOINT MY PARENTS! 

It's all my own fault from running from my work and not having enough discipline. I want to be smart and intelligent and get good grades and go on to have a successful career but it's never sustainable so it seems futile. I have virtually everything going for me - medication, loving family, well-off financially and in a good school district with plenty of accommodation. But I still fuck it all up!

My family loves me so much! But I don't deserve it and I constantly disappoint them. 

I can't even talk to people. My Asperger's makes it so I feel like everyone around me is a completely different species. I don't even think I want to talk to people anymore! And I'm not even attractive, either, which is an even more moronic thing to complain about, but every inch of my fucking carcass makes me want to vomit and hide and never show it to anyone, ever!

And what's really fucking pathetic is that I don't even want to die! I just want to get sent to the hospital, as if destroying my health and worrying the hell out of my family would fix anything whatsoever. That's so fucking sad! 

My mattress is wet now from crying on it.",3.45215720081136,5.419796891176472,5.2247667342799184,78.48558823529412,74.20588235294117,8.689655172413794,27.31237322515213,9.314750747691287,2.599187626774848,1373,53,254,34,29,468,170,340,0.22,0.609,0.171,-0.9763,2,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,2,5,23,34,11,0,8,0,25,13,0,3,7,65,58,34,2,14,13,1,2,2,0,2,5,0,1,1,18,24,0,1,4,1,0,6,12,20,1,0,1,2,44,14,37,50,10,30,1,5,0,8,10,12,7,4,14,194,62,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176058007917887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638351280736672,0.0,0.0,0.05425326797833923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912051527713125,0.05578416691349095,0.0,0.0656523022864414,0.07102128740847931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055909868704628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364801595732342,0.17242809544812518,0.0,0.12739598692600254,0.0,0.08763479737022473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279924612944503,0.1667066456196079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066157223113244,0.08243426741593023,0.0,0.2634703299148497,0.1443315066926167,0.06721825468212073,0.0762333946640187,0.07170129447920985,0.0,0.3008386681376591,0.0,0.04033926342039907,0.05699498682744705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44253302502754216,0.1667274350928409,0.0,0.0906818460371787,0.13383168385109376,0.0,0.0,0.08788687864142761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753285007071466,0.0,0.08480261596790778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854063481692925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795314627104398,0.0,0.0,0.07060296151667349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400948056382265,0.0,0.15976169781641053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074030513216872,0.08039967146344562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058647622518280464,0.0,0.12306280844416664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816765158278784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858646454300399,0.0,0.0,0.11061908308141713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763388714999099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110923542777301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074181600437204,0.0,0.07262889265644881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371256631222337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872665838351754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824859649364942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600483234237558,0.10223985438992717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235282128483339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346395198179432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348657259803572,0.0,0.0,0.05808093170811801,0.08102066004630026,0.0,0.056673561103367874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Am_i_a_bad_person251,2018/02/13,"Am I a bad person? I've lately been either cashing out a lot of bad karma or I am a bad person. I have lately been thinking about 'suicide' but I don't think I have the real mentality to do it. Either way, I'm coming here to express my thoughts and really gauge whether there is much issue here, or I am being lazy and just want to give up.

Recent events have made me arrogant as a person, overconfident, and since birth, I have always acted without thinking. I have most likely pissed people off.

This year alone I have struck a series of bad luck events, and things seem to get worse when I try to resolve them:

* I am in a lot of debt. Climbing out is a slow and painful process month by month, and whenever I start to see hope, something happens and pushes me back to square one.
* I hated my current job so much that I made the snap decision to move to another place much further than where I worked before.
* I have tried to save money by using a vehicle that uses less fuel on my commutes. (I was an idiot and bought an expensive 'flash' car, which is on lease and has since been vandilised, costing me money to send back)
* I won't be able to afford to simply hand the car back, so I make the snap decision to take a motorbike course.
* I spend a grand and fail that
* I find a cheap car as a plan b, I cycle to get it but it is sold before I reach it. I make a snap decision to buy a less effective alternative
* Insurance per month has increased drastically since moving address to a rougher area - with now 2 cars it's a big monthly bill
* Its my 25th birthday and I want to make it a big one. I decide to drink in excess and even when I am sober I like to spark conversations with people. I am distracted and my expensive phone is stolen (On a contract)
* I get quite upset, angry, and insist that I trace the phone using Google's tracking app - I track it to an address in a rough neighborhood and decide to attempt to kick down a door. 
* I fail and break my toe
* I decide to leave the emergency room on pain killers leaving all my friends worried and walk home with no phone, or wallet.
* I tell my boss about issues with coming to work due to distances. 
* A few days later I am fired. I was an employee that spoke my mind quite verbally when things didn't work out. (Again, not thinking things through)
* Now I am in debt with no job, and an extremely limited time to get a job good enough to pay off several finances, bills, mortgage etc. 
* I am worried that I am not worth what previous companies have paid me, and that I have worked for my last 2 companies for small amounts of time
* I am sharing a mortgage with a house mate, and with our life insurance policy, he will receive a payout totalling the entire mortgage if I were to die 
* I am not quite ready to give up, I will try, but as I have said, I made quick decisions and I usually end up worse off than I did before. 
* I really don't know what the best plan of action is now, and I am often thinking of death before bed. 
* I have openly talked about suicide to colleagues; they jokingly ask if anything is wrong, but at the ebd of the day, it is not normal conversation joking or not

Most of this is getting my story out there, I hope there is someone listening, but then again, we must have all heard about 'Rubberduck debugging', right?

Honestly, am I a bad person? Do I deserve this or is life just hard at the minute? How can I improve at my decision making? Sometimes it's impossible to know when I am making decisions about before it's too late, if anyone's suggestion is to simply 'stop and think'.

I know in this thread suicide is never an allowed option. I am not in pain, I just feel that Im fighting a strong wave, it will get worse if I do not fight it, it will get worse slowly if I fight it - When do I call quits? Any more mistakes and I will surely end up in worse of situations than I am in now, making me contemplate this even more.

I hope anyone can make sense of this and offer insight and advice.",2.752672879321981,4.482151870603016,4.0602670066751685,87.1131287032176,75.52010050251256,7.063796594914874,24.56903922598065,7.862644347479195,1.2749534088352208,3083,101,633,46,67,1013,348,796,0.212,0.691,0.097,-0.9987,12,1,2,0,4,3,99.0,2,0,2,19,37,38,6,2,44,0,69,9,3,17,6,136,124,54,5,13,29,0,5,2,2,7,5,4,6,4,35,41,1,2,25,3,19,16,15,20,0,2,18,11,87,18,94,97,22,98,1,2,2,0,35,37,1,21,45,435,122,12,0.05379201285215041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052564932393760304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571230249256195,0.0,0.0,0.044759263881293566,0.0,0.0,0.03658041334618168,0.056405615687481925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522525222563953,0.0,0.044266243200784434,0.0,0.05028827062879089,0.0,0.0,0.12408821250152575,0.2245704191883385,0.0,0.0,0.2288652048411257,0.0,0.05645139878487044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054927659429633416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092674112003596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693827963748904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055827616676964086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052695693761932186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528751414340232,0.0555815287876915,0.05999231360657535,0.07105823432857906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02719885796718923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049164925222385455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041559575692714144,0.0,0.19672874572255614,0.10320440061820788,0.0,0.04511818823562026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756809931430605,0.0,0.048187077687422385,0.05310847609668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395777482334787,0.16028281859349072,0.0,0.062068760577487614,0.0,0.0,0.058104604636072636,0.1122897716279045,0.16014081753603615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868805044261817,0.043847669998818915,0.1820392005371553,0.11391594931384807,0.0,0.0,0.07598977899257753,0.052560120680078516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146409141263,0.0,0.15269790959148902,0.2513461039644501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420969693851939,0.0,0.05431459860153357,0.0,0.17174508581139405,0.11434479335612435,0.11862995650396972,0.0,0.04148771648398125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270475146935512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290172011370373,0.0,0.17171548288076485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458521733122922,0.1878764430713542,0.056201204384180206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22885770823201215,0.0,0.06122708719608425,0.06892108171259624,0.0,0.05311312317471435,0.0,0.0,0.04593808506117168,0.05116852246939081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286526976778218,0.04897022821388547,0.0,0.060769663235214086,0.0,0.1334919267078652,0.060464476242805376,0.0,0.0,0.045577797927947424,0.04141171953355628,0.05320167616898384,0.0,0.03807426356272277,0.0,0.0,0.044972531391288914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765191937898255,0.0,0.05069833551082875,0.0,0.040444899166218094,0.04323598232532657,0.0470165902117206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721106934954508,0.206806498856262,0.0,0.04270484957846458,0.06273311055599454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956373717845122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937708382720054,0.05924430247831064,0.0,0.06345584576638755,0.04269759598993602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185358081701793,0.0,0.15664490406458606,0.10925680035559976,0.2740932833828335,0.0,0.05881312164217903,0.0,0.03464029263636647
suicidewatch,anon_ewok,2018/02/13,"I'm so sick of destroying everyone around me My boyfriend is the most amazing guy in the world. I love him with all my heart. He's always generous and kind, but I'm not. And I always avoid and hurt him when I'm feeling suicidal. It's never his fault. But this darkness inside me is getting to him. I can feel it. He always helps me, but this is just too much for anyone to handle. I get it. I haven't been myself lately either. I feel like I can't control myself. I snap at people. I'm rude. I don't want to, but it just happens. I wish there was a way I could just go away without hurting the few people who still love me. It's not even that I don't think I can change, I just don't think it's worth it. I'm a recent grad, have always been an overachiever but there's just nothing else I want to do in this world. 

Also, I have no one else to talk to, so here I am. Thank you for providing a space for people like me to vent.",-0.29656068069861163,1.6156184236453193,2.0175033587102567,97.03286497984772,86.4384236453202,4.873175100761308,17.109046126287506,6.11248444174946,-0.4925448275862072,712,16,171,6,22,241,106,203,0.13699999999999998,0.667,0.196,0.9136,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,1,16,13,2,1,7,0,18,4,1,1,2,33,38,12,1,4,14,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,2,5,0,1,1,10,6,0,1,3,3,31,7,18,34,5,15,0,2,0,2,13,8,0,1,7,119,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583769548497207,0.4404925892755074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253996619464017,0.0,0.0,0.1178167193223968,0.0,0.0,0.12434418381435028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000537555088133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843820017200826,0.10566815797166604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111755339507935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741381927033637,0.0,0.0,0.1264630477685747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075556989294854,0.09454858692171957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829149076598646,0.0,0.07521574158991892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310441486230456,0.11703384627506296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683160610232094,0.0887092764417707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833599929761646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781883568436876,0.0,0.0,0.14929296537531553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293159317387539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388963248971797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729013276570336,0.0,0.10207401816093543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699033282056582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968162306212735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27525784040240203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067650762637342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569233276980304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476592848562972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637535201016107,0.0,0.12184716053756335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696049827841143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612315408288766,0.10505073688950306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521922990418109,0.1275776012417906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confessionthrow5656,2018/02/13,"Had to delete my last post because it was poorly worded: I WAS NOT, SAY AGAIN, /NOT/ TRYING TO ADVERTISE MYSELF AS A HELPER. I WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEONE IN PRIVATE BECAUSE /I/ WANT TO END IT ALL, NOT TALK SOMEONE ELSE OUT OF DOING SO. Apparently, in my last post, the title was worded poorly and made it sound like I was trying to advertise myself as some sort of helper. At least, that's what I'm assuming happened, since my stupid fucking post got downvoted. The body of the post gave more clarity as to what I was actually looking for, but it still led someone to downvote me.

To the person who messaged me seeking help, I will not reveal your name, but I'm sorry I confused you. I can barely help myself. I truly hope you find the help you're looking for.

To everyone else - I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go.",1.9782407407407407,4.179378104938273,3.800725308641976,85.84701388888892,79.67901234567901,6.0253086419753075,23.70524691358025,7.1686216300943375,1.0722209876543207,631,22,122,8,16,212,93,162,0.048,0.7909999999999999,0.161,0.9571,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,0,4,7,2,1,6,0,9,2,1,2,1,24,25,7,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,4,3,0,0,9,4,20,4,22,14,4,15,0,0,2,1,16,4,1,5,6,80,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.12821985105478334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019095291136726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594713376301846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195226762453184,0.0,0.11637450572821095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555089483418122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009010673337447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146998816541163,0.0,0.0,0.07467322533228943,0.0,0.10508635951272503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161897043048448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26420830196355594,0.0,0.0,0.13050211917915794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420438844765768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419160075845858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067274201682627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432649344941114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472661658220552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033496981012944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104488365322393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086890003654623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339845993712962,0.0,0.0,0.29416566126107035,0.0,0.0,0.1049299948918223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121617529916129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784133822008649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499706867188218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodbyebirdie,2018/02/13,"Dear Reader- a post Mortem on my life       (This is the letter i have saved. While i am actively contemplating it, i do not have a concrete plan or methodology right now)

      No doubt this will shock some, but I have taken my life. I wish for you not to weep or show any remorse over this. This action was avoidable but taken by own volition, and as such has no one to truly blame.   

     From the time i can earliest remember, I have felt like I was in the wrong body. When “what do you want to be when you grow up” would be posited to me as a child, and when they would inform me I could be anything I wanted, I would quietly wish to be a girl. When I blew out my birthday candles, when I lied in bed as an eighth grader wondering why I was so different, when I graduated high school, when I started college, when I flunked out of college the first time- I wanted to be a girl. It’s the one constant in a life full of split-second changes.


    And it has ultimately been what led to my downfall. The realization that my father would never accept me, the belief that my mother would never support me, and the understanding that I had no friends with which I could confide this in has been such a burden to bear alone. I’ve shared it with two people I know in real life, and officially told my mother on January 1, 2018. Since then, our relationship has been strained and I resist coming home. Her reaction was underwhelming to say the least. “I don’t know what else there is to say” said more than she could ever imagine. I fully intend to be dead within the year by own hands, because I can no longer live in this daily hell. This existence of extreme solitude, desolation, and defeatism.   

       The fact that my father supported a candidate and eventual president who made my very existence a political issue is personal. The fact that he supported a president that espoused support for defunding planned parenthood- a large provider of informed consent HRT for trans individuals- was equally personal. Still, the greatest blow to our relationship occurred when I was in sixth grade, heading to a recreational football practice. I had tried to quit football years earlier and just resigned myself to having to play through football. To spare myself from my fathers criticism, a workmanlike approach was developed to the game, doing everything my coaches told me and remembering everything I could. But, in sixth grade, a student in school called me a “pansy.” I had no idea what a pansy was, and thought it was a flower (example 27282 that I’m autistic). Anyways, I asked my dad what it was because a student had called me that. My dad stopped the car and turned irrationally angry. He turned to face me in the car and in a stern and serious voice told me “If you are gay, I will kill you.” A pause ensued. “I mean it. If you are gay I will kill you.” So began my fear of being gay- which I didn’t even know what that meant.  


     The next few years were filled with worry. Was I gay? I knew I wanted to be a girl, that was still there. It always was. I felt everything would be better if I had been born a girl. I hated what puberty was doing to me. I wore pads to feel like a girl. I cross dressed when given the chance. I once pranced around in high heels before a football practice while wearing my pads. Anything to look how i felt. But, was I gay?  

      No, well, maybe. I don’t know. Is a trans person who likes girls gay even when they’re not out as trans? Regardless, my relationship with my dad deteriorated from that point, with a brief period where i tried to emulate him and keep my girl-side at bay. It was no use. Every time, without fail, I would relapse. Maybe it was just a porn addiction?  

    Nope. Even on a break from porn (which I hadn’t discovered when i first began all of this as a young 6-7 year old wearing my sisters spare bikini to bed), I still had these thoughts. Any attempt to rid myself of them didn’t stop them. But as a super-macho, captain football player, I had no where to turn. Everything was a bastion of masculinity. Everything i did was supposed to emulate masculinity. Everywhere i went i was expected to be masculine.  


      And it’s continued. The charade. The pretending that everything is fine, that this is me. And it’s so exhausting to pretend to be what you’re not. It’s so mentally defeating to know that others are getting to live their life and transitioning, but I’m hamstrung by a rejecting society and personal finances. It’s just.. suicide inducing.

     So yeah, I killed myself. If you’re reading this, mom, i love you and I don’t blame you. I could have been stronger and held on longer. I could have gotten a job and moved away (if i could keep a job, but depression from not being accepted makes that difficult). That said, when i wrote on that notecard that I was trans and you looked at it and said “I don’t think you’re that?” That hurt, and burned so deep. I truly thought you would accept me, the espouser of unconditional love for my entire life. Then I realized that it has conditions. I have to be a heterosexual male for you to love me. A tall ask of a bisexual male to female transgender person. Which is be fine, if you are okay with a dead son over a second living daughter that’s fine. That’s your personal choice.  


      Not only did you deny what i have known for a long time, and that you had to had suspected, you had the gall to say “i have nothing to be depressed about” after this. And that hurt as well. To feel misunderstood and rejected by your own blood and your own mother is such a defeating thing. I would not wish this upon anyone. It’s just sucked. Every day that i think about these things, I blurt out the word “suicide.” Reflexively, my first thought is to end myself. That is not the sign of a happy, healthy person. Yet, so i don’t end up locked back into a hospital for 12 days, i say nothing. I do nothing. I just wait for the right moment.  


      It can’t be around anyone’s birthdays, that’s not fair to them. It can’t be around Christmas lest i ruin a holiday. It can’t be around an anniversary lest i spoil that too. It can’t be Thanksgiving, can you imaging giving thanks feeling responsible for another humans death? It has to be right. And I think February is the only time. That or mid May.   


      If i think of more to write I will, but this is pretty much the gist of it and can be summed up in one sentence; I am transgender and my family does not accept the validity of the trans plight and will not accept me or will outright kill me, as a result the only option is to kill my self. 


      My name was Brittney, and I’m who you didn’t want to know.
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suicidewatch,pixie_led,2018/02/13,"I'm going to take a pill and lie in the dark I'm probably taking a little more than I should. No matter, i'm feeling more than I should these days. You have to cope with it somehow right. I'm taking off all the lights and dulling all sound. Maybe then my thoughts will end and the pain will disappear for a little while.

I'm facing crippling loneliness when everyone else is happy. How come the people whose feelings I always cared about don't give a thought for how I feel? How come they stab and wound and hurt me? How come? Didn't I always do so much to make them happy? Didn't I always show concern for their needs? Hw come no one cares about me? How come?

It doesn't matter. My little pill will make the questions stop and it won't matter. Because it really doesn't, does it? All that matters is darkness and sleep and oblivion. That's all that is true in the world. Nothingness has no pain. All the being brave and strong - none of it caan make the pain go away like nothingness can. I can feel it start to drift away.",0.935961538461541,3.370918134615387,1.7807615384615405,97.11423846153849,86.40384615384615,4.674153846153846,17.454615384615387,6.152001189255117,-0.38341523076923023,804,19,174,7,25,249,111,208,0.159,0.703,0.138,-0.7798,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,3,1,10,13,0,0,12,0,20,8,2,8,6,45,49,18,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,6,6,1,0,0,12,15,0,1,7,1,0,9,12,5,0,1,4,6,15,8,18,38,9,26,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,2,8,111,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26566627169624485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998251366969688,0.0,0.0,0.06487664339832377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701794255274068,0.0,0.0,0.4583852906229552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863632700209392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313460019350996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890573484816686,0.0,0.09426234342912852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169513926300673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152498667747687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209405441966247,0.12096933374173954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265861050587054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393183406432322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051994641593502484,0.3200021183151597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312166642898644,0.0,0.10691978461405756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823576748387681,0.07891394600337773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211739166151765,0.0,0.33973609165720964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378277662099461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474583249069127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192221044997314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681795797938717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088770106849316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650342037944133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532926721877395,0.0,0.0,0.0889773699522302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400585853939917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689816019755291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whatever886,2018/02/14,"Done with life I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't have any money and my parents are too cheap to give me any, I'm failing education, no one gives a shit about me , and I have like no friends. I am miserable. Those are just some of the reasons why I hate my life.",0.9362068965517274,2.329423655172416,2.971931034482761,94.41617241379312,79.6896551724138,6.019310344827588,23.66896551724138,6.742157984588678,0.4781406896551723,204,7,50,2,5,69,43,58,0.281,0.633,0.086,-0.9118,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,1,2,0,9,3,1,1,0,7,13,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,9,2,5,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34018084835811857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24805219125465394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595997180540525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324237239690276,0.0,0.0,0.4798764877852008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24694207638664195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35333481936910993,0.12219617554308294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948803147979252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27772906392769875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25716539117528475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567449588160993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256947243332818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kevincastle1,2018/02/14,"Just tired of life?? I don’t know if I’m suicidal or not I’m just tired of being in pain and being unhappy I would rather just stop existing and everything just be black, the happiest I am is when I’m asleep ",0.2353333333333332,2.340510755555556,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,85.8888888888889,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.4595777777777772,164,5,38,5,5,57,31,45,0.35,0.5720000000000001,0.078,-0.9295,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,0,13,11,5,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783512714547391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702108973508141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876039230649086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295578861446952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589350499660041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387772109620124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7119421285219528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001217559000108,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AcquisitoraD,2018/02/14,"Dead in a few hours Do you also wonder whats on the other side? Probably nothing right? Its quite a mystery. But if theres god (lol) I will ask him: what was the purpose of all this craziness.. :) 

Been depressed for months and now Im finally confident. No regrets!

Guys and girls: treat each other with dignity, dont deceive each other, dont steal from each other etc. 

Good luck to all",-0.24755639097744364,1.8041128157894728,1.5876691729323331,93.34868421052636,105.05263157894736,4.276691729323309,19.902255639097746,6.18269132825596,0.38976240601503775,298,11,59,4,14,97,61,76,0.132,0.599,0.269,0.8965,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,1,6,0,0,0,2,13,8,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,3,7,5,7,8,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,4,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798516393348536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025019451382504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193705168692848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271598776144597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25082182082227883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24636584822081095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863460075359148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226853565461603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214802005871513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429294997447976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951222644533482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579664440728874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242479147059058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23920775694869864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206250680202014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24389335878155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxemilymaysxx,2018/02/14,"i just took 19 pills in class ok so im 15 and i just took 19 pills in class now i feel sick and tired idk what to do should i go to the office or message my mu cause like i dont wanna die anymore
",-3.71125,-2.357482958333332,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,107.75,2.4000000000000004,10.166666666666668,3.1291,-2.3288833333333336,150,2,44,0,8,52,34,48,0.151,0.6940000000000001,0.156,0.0634,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,9,7,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,23,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27793400072312496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287895301372858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29085662110528376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32845245636178944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170348650264802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927328186496464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30271951376494843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691663746234745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221076622972266,0.0,0.0,0.6227390500176491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ApprenticeOfGames,2018/02/14,"Gonna be just another statistic in the ""suicidality in autism"" articles me thinks British 19 year old male turning 20 in a month and a bit.

My depression and thus my suicide thoughts started when i was 15 but the suicide related thoughts (they started with a fascination with suicide and evolved from there as i saw my life as tiring to live) were there from a semi young age but my memories are to vague for a clear starting age. Self harm to feel pain came into play in the suicidal thoughts but the urges were not as strong as the ones want to commit suicide were and were easier to suppress or somewhat ignore them at least. 

There are some days i imagine myself with the sort of life i have always wanted but never attained due to numerous factors. This is usually achieved through books (power fantasy books mostly) but other times i can't at all and seeing as my keeping myself occupied is my way of dealing with my depression and the strange as heck suicidal thoughts that pop up fairly often... 

Mind you i am also a diagnosed aspie/high functioning autistic person with no special talent which is a pain as i have a special interest but i can't do anything with it. Heck i can't even talk about it off the top of my head for 30 seconds! I have the ambition but not the drive or the motivation to chase it and i am just lazy no matter what i do :(

Oh and my suicidal plans are always impulsively put together or only generally thought about and imagined in my head. Like recently i went out to a group meet up and a wave of depression and suicidal thoughts hit me as i sat alone and i thought about running away after the meet up as it was in a newish area to me.

I think i thought i wouldn't be found that quickly and thus could commit the act at night. I mostly got out of that funk temporarily but it returned with a vengeance when i got home and thus the plan to kill myself before my birthday or on my birthday was born.

Though again i managed to wrestle myself from that shit by replacing me sitting down stuck in my head in my bedroom with imagining the tattoo i have been wanting and i thought about getting it done for my birthday and that helped so yea life is a struggle especially when i feel worthless living on the money i get for not being able to work due to my condition... Time to yourself is great but boredom is common and it can really lets the invading thoughts in like right now and like yesterday, the day before that and the day before that... I get those rare days of neutral feelings with the depression in the background but recently those have gotten much rarer :P

Oh and the weird suicidal thoughts are where i seem to plan a suicide plan in my head but never think i will act it out so yea...This usually is then applied to a certain thing coming up in my life such as in the ""happier"" times i have been thinking of going back to colllege after dropping out 2 times near the end of the academic year 2 serperate colleges. So anyway the plan is to try doing this course i have always wanted to do but i didn't feel ready to not that i feel thaty great now but whatever. So i am guessing the straw that breaks the camels back and leads to me killing myself would be me having a severe mental breakdown again and failing college again or being rejected (doubt it will happen as it ain't a university but my track record is kind of me bunking college for months when its to much as i seem to love to avoid stuff good job me what a great decision TWICE no less). Why do you work like this brain?

Anyways back on topic i have always loved researching and studying crimonology and subjects related to it but it seems to me that the stuff i do related to it like the public services course never works out, same with the animal care course i took which i seemed to just not feel suited me though i love animals. Nothing ever suits me man, i love uniformed services but i can;t join due to my eyesight and shit like that, i like writing books but don;t have the attention span to even write 500 words in a few hours without burning out after a few days despite having many ideas i just can't get them down.

Man i hate my brain even more when this happens. I also love reading but i have to be in the right mood and my mood just swings around the place lately so boredom comes due to inactiveness and this negativity joins me in the march to the void for a good bit of time before i escape briefly. I also hate the mood swings i keep having, they unnerve me and make me avoid talking more than ever... Sometimes i think i am probably just making a molehill out of the few problems i have, maybe even with a touch of adding a few new minor ones on to the list for good measure but they are real enough to me god dammit!

Also i seem to have develped borderline weird complusive habits (i don't have OCD though thankfully) for no apparent reason like in my bedroom i gotta have the door closed correctly (right noise, no gap?) curtains closed correctly (right position in the corners idk man) laptop power supply in its spot( it has a certain spot it must stay in and not move around) laptop plug cable in a certain spot (seriously me?) i think it might be anxiety based or something and i don't ""need"" to do it like people with OCD do but i feel i guess sort of uncomfortable if i don;t do when i feel the need to so meh, I feel like i waste a lot of time doing silly things like this though :P 

TLDR: Life is not enjoyable and it has hardly ever been and it has never been enjoyable for very long and i am tired of life despite the stuff i did to change my life. I seem to have scarily embraced suicide and it scares my rational self and sometimes i feel like i am losing it but that might just be an exaggeration made up by my weird mind i am not sure really... Strange that as bending truth is quite easy for a person with a writer's mind and a way with words... I do actively try not to though!

Anyways the beginning few paragraphs of that long ass passage of paragraphs were written yesterday and this is an update on my situation with my suicidal thoughts which i personally think are getting worse and somewhat i really do feel like just giving into the urges sometimes.

Anyways here goes: Lately my suicidal thoughts have returned stronger than ever. The things i am doing to fight my depression seem to just delay its emergence until it can't be blocked anymore... I have been exercising regularly with even some weight lifting and using the gym bike i own, doing a weekly social activity with my best friend, eating better (i ain't fat but i ain't a fit slim person either).

Got some proper biceps now but my head/mind is still fighting itself :P I have a dog and having her be there helps but it only keeps me from falling into committing suicide, nothing more substantial though... Anyways i have also lost the feeling of pleasure in an activity i have enjoyed for years, it will return if i steadily help it along but right now the boredom has resulted in my mind going back to the dark recesses deep in my brain and its not nice (quite the understatement there eh? lol).

I am tired of life and having to kick myself so often just to get on with my daily routine in life. I went to the doctor and got prescribed anti depressants but i really don't care anymore so i won't take them (and besides the rational side of me is kind of terrified of the potential side effects along with the withdrawal that await me as well as the general control i want to have of all of my body and they affect that). My pet dog is great but its only a bandage falling off of an open fatal wound and no treatment i had the willpower to do have helped heal this wound of mine so yea...

I had the option of going to a therapist but its expired now and i didn't go because it is too much work (there were other factors but that is the main one) and my brain seems to have embraced suicide as the be-all and end-all ha. In my opinion its inevitable that suicide is the way i will go guys seriously! The question is will i find something worth living a bit longer for before i complete this final act of mine? I feel like it will be in the near future the way my mindset has been recently so yea it is what it is :P Gonna add to this one way or another most likely me thinks: http://network.autism.org.uk/good-practice/evidence-base/suicidality-autism-risk-and-prevention",6.0350266761183455,6.266968950639857,6.321497407006677,79.56507116740666,66.37964655697746,9.257374174532703,32.34514171299233,9.04235418022936,2.647531826039374,6652,256,1274,105,98,2139,581,1641,0.18,0.685,0.135,-0.9986,5,4,2,0,4,12,136.0,0,2,7,26,84,92,8,5,104,5,142,41,14,15,22,290,252,132,20,14,60,0,16,15,1,15,21,0,6,11,81,89,3,10,54,9,2,21,37,35,1,6,50,18,171,54,207,173,33,196,0,11,2,6,45,79,5,38,102,928,252,24,0.027254105094027443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02822703346937185,0.0,0.1089754899852839,0.09071039487627693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715661104057384,0.02084931579916492,0.0,0.0540574977135484,0.0,0.0,0.02242780629213297,0.04852386347901875,0.0,0.0,0.02560612888611708,0.08382689808719179,0.0,0.01661384950186133,0.0,0.11595618037663386,0.0,0.02860150185151896,0.024104041174309046,0.08926327203403532,0.030273166761276588,0.0,0.12169837903461048,0.0,0.031171435651126168,0.05557475306849765,0.0,0.028831229424108817,0.04695399659023365,0.028575410660039262,0.0,0.030567796326546263,0.02176018523086558,0.0,0.0,0.0878832155489407,0.028097785628203517,0.1408435246899266,0.02766234297603257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027895731419052317,0.0,0.027890411934369485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027887753505985814,0.0,0.0,0.04827809533268089,0.028160776043648243,0.0,0.09000539687509121,0.0986115935380447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914642758704044,0.07788135249920357,0.0,0.02985553996037455,0.024909758306196704,0.0,0.0,0.029882719506974593,0.021056453988914814,0.0,0.08543487023954666,0.026144621027155937,0.07744567998017078,0.09143780116244896,0.08719039021430369,0.1201909883264336,0.060046938832096775,0.02698584892738612,0.04820143025316834,0.0,0.024414324912449784,0.05381557269109323,0.1398528731799107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307140861058982,0.02879545838604317,0.027338089573210732,0.0,0.02683980359621493,0.0,0.0,0.030766567270083305,0.0,0.0,0.027045493928417697,0.07267410257417566,0.060305258509860925,0.056761912961485264,0.0,0.0,0.06148763530264551,0.0,0.0,0.02786916898075734,0.17325342384799333,0.19972468636378046,0.0,0.07219762234913514,0.04823805074308542,0.0,0.03049037227012265,0.029751075196646982,0.023170465534920942,0.1229894695933279,0.025788493216661462,0.036384653563715424,0.027631384864400692,0.027380411767654374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027465727700849967,0.05782459714849698,0.13759438436471658,0.0,0.04350793333344631,0.028966800551302317,0.060104709424902016,0.040417147183419266,0.08408018404319204,0.026322184530890018,0.0,0.025576131387032974,0.0,0.052302097769996975,0.0,0.028598598662236067,0.0,0.07387234781398695,0.06218392512305669,0.05800057875465735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018894564860338147,0.09518893331306258,0.028474739082683918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02938453489742952,0.02607849782769305,0.0,0.027397903253835357,0.030530835100277383,0.057976191083210074,0.027261480441926597,0.031021138279947333,0.06983871041791885,0.02802175920145376,0.08073042246184442,0.0,0.0,0.11637428418199584,0.0,0.0,0.02728611371619653,0.0,0.021717993159058188,0.19848890948000847,0.05686395102506125,0.030789381183659693,0.05595189445401028,0.0,0.030634756027927024,0.0,0.02778212795297545,0.0,0.04196308323297157,0.08086502047096772,0.0,0.057871787584985124,0.029049249756163208,0.021765163533653074,0.0,0.0,0.028491908144911118,0.09359828953543876,0.5067966466943976,0.0,0.0256866715120357,0.0,0.020491695215480027,0.04381163461485367,0.0,0.02509191826608113,0.0,0.03164411662413247,0.05431924920390401,0.13970664057377458,0.16066211926939358,0.28127729671050106,0.09535252711220872,0.0939737536942884,0.0,0.0,0.03028031356804184,0.0370074967048017,0.029644640129011524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023538796244504424,0.06003309266021194,0.022487490983360375,0.08037588656985838,0.10816520024733754,0.021861599164151868,0.033188157705864606,0.02450471356597077,0.05052965693871645,0.024592590742488374,0.0,0.0,0.026271984745634157,0.0,0.07936525241310813,0.0,0.027774261474151768,0.019360534300321083,0.0,0.0,0.05265225035885538
suicidewatch,Troy4all,2018/02/14,"Happy Valentines day! Hi everyone! I hope you had a good Valentines day! If you didn't I'll send you some personal love because we all need it haha :) 

I came here today to vent a little but I'm going to try the NSH (1-800-273-8255). It's worth a shot. I wish you all the best of luck and a congratulations for making it through another day. We can fight through this together. ",0.04192307692307296,2.342322166666669,2.428923076923077,91.54107692307691,90.15384615384615,5.684102564102564,20.620512820512825,7.1686216300943375,0.6492882051282054,291,10,64,5,10,99,58,78,0.037000000000000005,0.581,0.381,0.984,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,2,4,0,1,1,8,1,0,6,1,3,1,0,1,2,14,11,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,9,7,6,8,4,8,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,4,4,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755482073771415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439147094384955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477557551008745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700173794164917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567642470396576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558852696009066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417206566562784,0.1980161880080001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131597262294963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344848347730092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661834452129474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307516693870912,0.0,0.15758800647182272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505340928311125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613957767546512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378017404016684,0.0,0.0,0.16028564405621126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714851267726859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guayaba_gabe,2018/02/14,"Can't live like this anymore I don't know how much more I can last... I'd do anything to get away from my parents, and daily interactions with people just feel painful and fake...

I tried to find help from the school counselors a while back, but they just tried to stir things up, and ignored and dismissed what I said, even though I was trying to get help...

My parents have also taken away some stuff that was what little I had that helped me cope... 

I just want to die... Any life I have is more painful and pointless than death to me...",4.480614152202938,5.068609130841125,4.046194926568759,93.27887850467293,69.8411214953271,6.4881174899866485,25.566088117489986,5.288315135182226,0.3833882510013349,415,11,92,1,7,124,72,107,0.146,0.823,0.031,-0.9239,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,1,0,17,17,10,2,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,13,1,13,12,4,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,4,64,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017909311001385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069937144017238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143896276806546,0.0,0.0,0.1339581718765935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058837025557757,0.12517160478803316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689451132401678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751794685014483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230897918961473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878252652629598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009687115971048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273340307926945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946237016096957,0.1326914888044046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497984851548987,0.07952852072831522,0.16315331939071867,0.14374212347166124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966569372053674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464294009211083,0.0,0.3615069214607651,0.0,0.0,0.11285461155344705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484579742932705,0.0,0.0,0.16474709475916885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863498610255896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814711027736552,0.0,0.15993542054308788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315609565017887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601480133735088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h8eLi3ing,2018/02/14,"Highschooler On The Verge of Not Living Anymore I'm a 16 yr old junior and the past half-decade has been an absolute miserable ride for me. with this year being such an important year in terms of my academic studies, i've pulled off the worst of worst grades with an average of just 70. meanwhile, my parents dream of me to become a doctor. moreover, my inner demons addiction to pornography has completely dragged out the spirit from within me. i no longer feel anything, i don't have a purpose to live anymore. my teachers completely ignore my presence i have no friends and i no longer have any motivation. all i'm left to do is fap around when i'm home, lay in bed all day, not do any of my homework (got a 55% on my semester finals in AP Physics & AP Chem) you see, my life is a full load garbage. porn has had a psychological impact on me mentally and no matter what i do to change myself, i never seem to keep my foot on the pedal. hell nah, i've tried taking away my life, and man does it feel peaceful. please help me before it's too late ",3.557304502369668,4.91768293838863,4.708575236966826,84.79281546208533,72.69668246445497,7.929028436018957,27.405509478672986,8.472884824447931,1.85431018957346,824,30,168,14,16,271,132,211,0.13699999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.092,-0.9039,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,1,14,0,15,6,1,1,3,21,25,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,4,0,3,1,4,8,0,2,4,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,3,3,23,1,28,21,6,28,3,1,1,1,5,16,1,1,10,104,27,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496586974189156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395986198048856,0.0,0.20581148419665146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30014617158346324,0.0,0.0,0.12452704028718067,0.13471074753443385,0.0,0.0,0.14217420116200716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712584744786282,0.12876586998500786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008108957514544,0.0,0.3173213882923209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975916822241211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548868768087764,0.13242495196280393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302826880892656,0.0,0.0,0.16576842063885666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691281171366805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102790051606742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142951706208286,0.0,0.15179065385685572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345040286331751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070044967308778,0.0,0.16441434099997085,0.0,0.21376971673654407,0.0,0.0,0.2672443338060824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249934547188396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671066186010362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878944206051862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802777442465694,0.0,0.14445620771447445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661086863235561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058590902059853,0.13775999815486678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377707308564533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273929543218532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489583053716625
suicidewatch,nussnougat,2018/02/14,"Im only motivated to die Im 14 ( yall are probably thinking im an average emo) my parents marriage fell apart recently, saw my mom less than my adult Brother who is living pretty far away since the ""Break"" they are taking, I care less and less for school, i see why you need to study but most of the time i just lay in bed till 4am and not do my homework. Im not motivated to do anything ( my father is depressed, maybe his way of thinking came over to me since we live together and my mom left him because of his disease) I even looked up how to kill myself. I dont know what to do, if i live this miserable life till adulthood where im probably a looser cause of my rapidly losing interest in school what do I get from life that death couldnt give me",5.925613207547169,4.454882465408809,6.929803459119501,80.77885613207548,67.11320754716981,10.214150943396227,33.08254716981132,9.188382445141503,2.5828169811320763,588,21,130,9,8,199,104,159,0.158,0.759,0.08199999999999999,-0.9526,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,2,1,3,4,6,1,1,4,0,10,2,0,4,0,20,22,8,3,3,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,3,24,2,20,19,4,17,0,3,3,0,16,9,0,2,4,78,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201616080697572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505609164528833,0.0,0.0,0.06816282553333826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788927272233622,0.1140052519749248,0.11486723145713927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630812934979656,0.0,0.11604876723594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310491145484618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385431249474572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058419956133076184,0.10726540176673807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039096902313885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237093430420802,0.0,0.061451897436227525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148989011171155,0.0,0.15795981808873386,0.0,0.0,0.29621033557301674,0.0,0.0938984214818846,0.12509502540408002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123355685953754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261918284005323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291115649356312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504214187218136,0.0,0.0,0.12415994691467118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375845540244925,0.2411160550560397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040615443324132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263302783469912,0.08910395982997589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499295333870827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407273977645098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432961001333873,0.0,0.0,0.06520160252428972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887554166469589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089777640066022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EllanKovic,2018/02/14,"What is life First of all I don't really know if I should consider myself suicidal. I don't have the balls to actually go through with it, and I realize I will hurt a lot of people. Let me get to my story. 

Long story short:
2 years ago I lost my girlfriend, she was every thing to me. I did every thing I could and I got her back, when I got her back, I lost pretty much all my friends, except for 2. All over some stupid lies.

When I lost her I started to get into a crippling depression, nothing excites me anymore and life just didn't feel worth it anymore. When I got her back she was literally the only thing I cared about, I still love her more than anything. 

3/4 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue, Friday; she keeps telling me she loves me and she wants to get married and all that good stuff, Monday she breaks up with me for no real reason besides ""we have more fun as friends"". I decided to follow a 'get her back' guide (don't ask me why), it advised me to do 'no contact' (basically don't have contact with er for like 30 days). After the 30 days it felt like she returned the favor and was doing no contact to me. Well here comes the boom; a week ago she got into a relationship with a different dude.  I don't have to explain to you how I feel, I have a feeling you can guess my feelings right now. The depression is completely fvcking me right now since I really don't care about anything except her, which might be unhealthy I know. The only reason I'm still here is because of her, and my family. 

So to keep going with how sad my life is, 2 weeks ago I lost my job, I didn't like it but at least it gave me money and was occupying my time so I wouldn't drown in my own painful thoughts (like I'm doing right now). 

So that's basically my story, I don't expect help from you guys but maybe my story will make other people feel better about their lives (not saying my life is the worst case ever). And besides that, putting my story on paper was kind of a little relief.
",2.5336693017127807,3.9257372198067664,3.9814712340799296,88.86223320158103,75.35265700483092,6.660693895476505,23.41501976284585,7.229369725052465,0.7730347826086961,1555,45,336,17,33,515,192,414,0.118,0.792,0.09,-0.8238,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,3,1,6,25,30,1,0,17,0,37,7,0,5,5,61,77,21,2,6,7,0,6,4,4,5,5,2,0,1,16,20,0,2,14,1,2,5,14,12,2,1,19,9,74,18,44,50,12,50,0,9,1,2,39,14,0,5,34,239,90,3,0.0,0.0,0.07511302359604584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27292215463489994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266997415987196,0.0,0.0,0.12668187585103055,0.0,0.07195790737948397,0.0,0.0,0.23674514926106674,0.0,0.04692107628780355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807498494899708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156955028881818,0.0,0.0,0.06630408129617381,0.08070309192248322,0.0,0.0,0.06145543277852561,0.0,0.0,0.0992804240998414,0.0,0.13259077947545714,0.0,0.0,0.08041877378413881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696250754941245,0.12970351835356686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256182472079697,0.0,0.19459536766315316,0.0,0.07390465453058616,0.0,0.0,0.06547186878064032,0.0,0.0,0.11893588946424585,0.0,0.16085760512433728,0.0,0.0874892879727434,0.06455999320704707,0.246244372825838,0.0,0.08479272059958867,0.07621382847311615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159233471885353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239952003866473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638227875571173,0.13683150757840212,0.0,0.08015391159072223,0.0846029824930087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870851386232318,0.2174688216621547,0.15041743326867413,0.07714560546100575,0.06796719298683652,0.0681173035375598,0.0,0.0,0.3360936834752614,0.06543836700014323,0.13893946215748498,0.0,0.051379034864169434,0.0,0.07732815860632733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165453568759494,0.0,0.0,0.061437870218897586,0.0,0.05658286591689931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385617400721146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708049938485032,0.08190304059812081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067246117930048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830762769231714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773775583169358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761035156872223,0.09861975272479334,0.1582789227821726,0.0,0.08263852236471342,0.0,0.19719957131296514,0.0,0.06121077965236312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367157177240412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448078243159778,0.0,0.12293898514786003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811388520981082,0.08419426398116091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727643248517665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340921653991432,0.0,0.0,0.06110672672173045,0.0448826665002749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539975043136933,0.0,0.12348369497865384,0.0,0.06920656976643932,0.0,0.06945475377116846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049567084689104375
suicidewatch,anonycoffee,2018/02/14,"My life has no objective meaning. I question whether the struggle of living is worth it. I'm a mentally sound, physically fit, financially well off person. I have a relatively good diet and I exercise frequently. I'm not upset with life; I'm not even depressed. I'm simply at a point in my life where I find myself being unable to find purpose or meaning in anything I do, or anything anyone else does for that matter.

Tried religion. Didn't find much reliable information, mostly subjective experiences and questionable sources, with a little pseudoscience thrown into the mix now and again.

Tried being smart. Hours and hours of independent studies and college courses have left me educated, but with a lack of excitement. I may have some understanding of how the universe works, how chemical systems evolve over time, what makes the female breast so aesthetically pleasing, but it doesn't matter. None of it matters. All the knowledge I've acquired combined couldn't give me a purpose in life.

Tried falling in love, a few times. It was messy, and difficult; but also rewarding, and at least temporarily made me care a little less about the pointlessness of it all. It gave me someone to care about, for a time. In the end I found love to be boring. A mere set of chemical signals and images and ideas are all it amounts to, and this doesn't interest me in the slightest anymore.

Tried hobbies. Lots of hobbies. Find any book on ideas for hobbies and I've probably tried everything in there, at least once. Except skydiving. Saving that for when I'm really suicidal.

Tried drugs for a while. I like drugs. Out of everything I've listed so far, nothing provided me with the consistent feeling of having purpose and belonging--not to mention happiness--like drugs could. That being said, I'm not an addict. I don't use much at all these days. If you're thinking I'm suffering from drug-induced depression, think again.

Of course, I know the answer. You fellas must not hear that a lot on this subreddit, but it's true. The answer is homo sapiens are highly evolved creatures whose intense concern for their purpose in life is a mere side effect of an intellectual survival technique, and nothing more. I understand this. I have no quarrel with reality, and reality has no quarrel with me. I'm just bored.

Bored. Tired. Frustrated. Should I adopt a hedonistic philosophy, and just pursue pleasure in its many gross and stimulating facets? Have sex with random broads until I collect enough STDs to kill me once and for all? Should I help educate the uneducated peoples of the world so they too can realize how meaningless their lives are? Join NASA and the search for the other pointless lifeforms that inhabit the universe? Or maybe I should join a knitting club and gossip with the townsfolk about the latest he-said-she-said dribble? I could give all my possessions to the poor, and then I'd be poor, but at least then I'd feel like I was suffering more than most people, which would make me feel less guilty about complaining about it all.

I've read about near-death experiences. A lot of people who nearly died, or were legally declared dead for a short time and regained consciousness often report feeling an intense euphoria. Warmth. Love. Some people call it god, but anyone who's studied human psychology knows this is caused by an influx of endorphins and dopamine and bunch of other fun chemicals. DMT too.

Since I don't really care if I live or die, I've been thinking about attempting suicide. Seriously considering it, to be more specific. I have it planned out. People like to say it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but I don't think this applies to me. My problem is only as temporary as my life is.

I don't have kids. I don't have pets. I don't have a wife or a love interest. I don't have any close family that would be mortified by my sudden death. The position I hold at my current job would be easily and swiftly refilled. I had some good friends, but we've lost contact long ago, so they too would be unaffected.

In other words, I have nothing to lose.

I'm posting here in case I missed something. Something I didn't try. Some hope of a life worth living beyond mere pleasures and distractions. If you think there is, by all means, I welcome your input.

",4.419630446966513,6.908156296343003,5.088518810424549,78.19739079795434,73.04791929382094,8.289540423146981,30.30770982205409,9.036876407696331,2.9231426509737988,3425,153,588,77,72,1101,373,793,0.16,0.667,0.173,0.8534,2,0,6,0,0,2,113.0,0,3,4,9,32,48,2,3,46,0,63,21,1,11,10,146,108,58,7,18,25,1,4,3,1,9,13,4,1,3,34,37,1,1,32,4,4,1,20,22,1,0,12,8,57,26,88,75,33,65,0,7,0,7,35,39,1,24,25,397,91,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207970717019245,0.0,0.0,0.05047932449819947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553981418915869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745066716637497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647527718706065,0.07963614185407734,0.058348058476460324,0.09372365578279153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814838433416165,0.0,0.1741811802376063,0.058499380801133226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093373127013356,0.0,0.0,0.03672555459016516,0.0,0.09809526810404168,0.0,0.11820222251236115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498339580953335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641578111026626,0.0,0.04757119970078658,0.0,0.05043738484575002,0.05884059381717086,0.0,0.037612393853577945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235905229385812,0.111408520214127,0.053683760501782175,0.0,0.11517473440152733,0.040682339695066384,0.0,0.0,0.20819099137140615,0.0,0.0,0.062438512274555526,0.04399645288437065,0.0,0.0,0.10925586879980392,0.0,0.0955274547369661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418244780860731,0.0,0.03816980280515049,0.06016673219680595,0.0,0.056560374345199074,0.11216097021543084,0.0,0.0,0.12857053975229207,0.0,0.0,0.05651026521286957,0.0,0.06300247577549566,0.0,0.06259222762612557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187215670628163,0.0,0.2815592402942595,0.08346303473581819,0.11415000169218803,0.2011379688602553,0.050395549219002564,0.0,0.06370817364194321,0.06216344778839498,0.14524073651044336,0.20558448852158168,0.05388382238353478,0.07602399231479785,0.05773445628387925,0.05721006000936614,0.186093149370496,0.0,0.0,0.05738832356870534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372394255726796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392409530371346,0.0,0.0,0.1212915787505862,0.0,0.043310111843176416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739644507242005,0.049723180144985724,0.0,0.062509770181711,0.05383251672713437,0.0,0.054538668663433744,0.0,0.0613975793751648,0.10897954627833242,0.0,0.0,0.1275854375781409,0.0,0.056961558696105474,0.0,0.07296232152917992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250648259496644,0.04528586274709565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047106442305634384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825028662315842,0.08767985413471352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059532478495350025,0.0,0.12457968692435673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182443962100458,0.0,0.0,0.13282302799596166,0.0654512203076363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706388763746577,0.0,0.0,0.11856589730414027,0.0,0.04918318822681846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051201426242890126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145747415837149,0.0,0.0,0.16181163943534768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,calfred_,2018/02/14,"17 and in a bad place Ever since I wrote that first suicide note at age 12, everyday has just been focused on making it to the next one. My goal to survive till 13 turned to surviving till 13, 14, etc...

And now I'm here. At 17 I'm so exhausted and tired of battling this. I feel so pathetic, but I don't know how much more I can take. I'm so lucky to have a family that supports me and gets me help, but I'm so tired of doctors and medicine and therapy and groups and talking about my problems till I can't breathe anymore. All of this time and effort into ""getting better"" and I'm still on the verge of breaking down everyday. 

I don't want to hurt my family, but I don't know if I can do any of this anymore. I act like everything is alright, but I can't stop writing my suicide note in my head and hurting myself over the most insignificant things. My friends told me to keep my personal life private, and I'm trying, but things are getting bad...I don't know. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It feels a bit better to get this out. I don't know how much time I have left, but I don't want to put my family through anymore pain. ",3.3765495867768607,3.770069991735543,4.693047520661158,88.35502582644628,72.22314049586777,8.033471074380165,28.348140495867767,8.07648339933343,1.5989413223140492,886,32,202,12,16,295,124,242,0.16699999999999998,0.688,0.145,-0.5885,0,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,1,0,7,12,15,1,0,7,1,17,8,2,3,2,42,44,28,2,4,8,0,2,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,11,14,0,2,6,1,0,2,8,7,0,2,3,2,26,8,30,41,7,31,0,2,0,0,9,13,0,3,16,129,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332867697497616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32081769023573714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006851449113612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907352514629576,0.11772336233785195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103694461123611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025990367594415,0.0,0.0975391789836517,0.0,0.0,0.09691141672152903,0.0,0.30495999143668184,0.0,0.10904503735863118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172086754761136,0.0,0.0,0.08330984869820257,0.0,0.22534867827078106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106655632592365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227674705719184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308703143566876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584501570428412,0.0,0.0,0.23704406475315645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715853610696225,0.0,0.07616411963983705,0.05268070749558036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197793096894252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853616665858114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146793343186048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730689759373086,0.0,0.11473962907055735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415374065630172,0.11266028961704826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317956240140326,0.0,0.1083997892487808,0.0,0.0,0.10786003246802914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919879499165552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611385762459632,0.09015142054109747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358989006639795,0.12236517289190108,0.0,0.0,0.16215076183958216,0.08667035420365432,0.0,0.0992761609051258,0.12331397670883715,0.0,0.14327605319045544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886311107010561,0.24787140341847602,0.0,0.1030369999878267,0.0,0.07321007024258107,0.11728900246740433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272028605128663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GenericAnimeGrill,2018/02/14,"My family makes me want to kill myself every.single.day. Im exausted.they take my money,they mistreat me,i cant come out because of them,i cant live because of them and their rules.

I FUCKING KNOW I CAN LEAVE SOMEDAY.but i dont have money and have college ahead.im female or i would just try my Luck on the streets.at best,i have 4 years id living in hell every day,with no rest.or just kill myself using my own means and sticking it to them and their little perfect image.

Im so so tired",1.1998666666666686,3.697738320000002,2.764,90.08866666666668,85.8,4.533333333333334,21.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.26703333333333346,392,13,77,3,12,128,67,100,0.219,0.7090000000000001,0.073,-0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,4,1,4,6,4,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,1,17,16,7,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,15,2,7,15,1,6,1,0,0,1,4,4,2,2,1,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038878199206917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550110401296515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405674013529768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570337715995647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959962637901104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090132668176966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765273755704806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460455551782015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419222099736853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700378917586728,0.0,0.09190708645238252,0.0,0.0,0.17707599191167853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761177021417567,0.29534025859115104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162957285794067,0.0,0.0,0.18216616573707545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573868155888282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221015743868705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354048053431047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444359372977252,0.0,0.0,0.09863857431166233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879778766955827,0.0,0.0,0.10769280712037638
suicidewatch,DandyPanties,2018/02/14,"I have no idea what to do. I feel so fucking trapped. There's nothing I can do. I'm stuck in this vicious cycle, I need a car, but I don't have the money to get one, I don't have the money to get one because I can only work a part time due to my disability, and I'm trying to get disability but the process is taking so long that it's making me want to die. I can't do anything at all. I have no hope. 

My tax return was so big this year, but I know I won't get it, because I owe the government money. They are going to keep it. They are going to destroy me. I need that money so bad. It would help me so much, I could even get a car. That would make everything so much easier. I'm desperate. 

I just want everything to end, honestly. Nothing I do can make anything in my life better. I want to just give up.",-0.2387016229712841,1.4894065280898907,2.7183520599250954,93.1865418227216,84.84269662921349,5.7533083645443215,20.001248439450688,6.937597516519254,0.2407817727840196,614,18,148,8,18,218,86,178,0.159,0.713,0.128,-0.7721,1,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,2,10,7,3,0,7,0,22,2,0,3,1,23,49,10,1,9,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,3,0,6,4,6,4,0,2,2,1,25,3,14,43,4,15,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,6,100,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23235236610901625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787643243142762,0.17211969782754244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485909069056833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127179015973488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651885828985275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504042454789532,0.0,0.0,0.0932457087158104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537605665774861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138305113757086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305153460802105,0.3687943214665219,0.1354293076540008,0.1604676512176438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462759344604736,0.0,0.0,0.14022006181209673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937101937525713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548410864033982,0.0,0.0,0.07758688064126236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971709632631373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493670893009062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28270911459644976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075618582168921,0.20936108634793074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709252079992026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132962204409693,0.10737104607325676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288032953818298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061471150339772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232111885431885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584953730125297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498085703883666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277813144554768,0.0,0.0,0.20057538821317103,0.0,0.0,0.09091300023203518
suicidewatch,i_am_a_psycopath,2018/02/14,"i dont feel like myself i dont know if i have a mental issuie or not, my mind is not mine. i dont feel depressed or suicidal but i dont feel like myself, i feel the need to make htese fake personalities that are real to me, they are real to me and i need them to feel happy and fufilled.

my post history is littered with my instability and i just want someone tohelp me before it getys worse

can yoiu please diagnoise me?",1.6494662921348322,3.407425674157306,4.261109550561798,84.32739466292136,78.7752808988764,6.6971910112359545,21.2373595505618,7.6454224807358475,0.8118415730337079,331,9,70,5,8,117,54,89,0.163,0.716,0.121,-0.6084,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,24,20,7,1,4,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,5,20,3,5,20,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199637554101842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142602843685442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.660910916543297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564190925043915,0.20143254744771408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007603052062848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747902379546931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775159631565095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410536951597873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420748695483693,0.0,0.14234979988242094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090700445349508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230984613825039,0.0,0.1547539097118374,0.0,0.0,0.13502004857177066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32093263447223724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945205490189426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420944250936905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831537669318244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436708547729575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RomanScandal,2018/02/14,"If I kill myself my mom will be absolutely devastated. That's really the only thing keeping me here. I woke up depressed (as usual) and found a package with my name on it. My mom had got me a pair of earrings for Valentine's Day along with a card telling me how much I mean to her. Instead of making me happy, it made me really sad. I don't deserve this. ",2.240045045045046,3.6510249864864894,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,76.16216216216216,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.4228090090090086,275,10,58,4,6,96,57,74,0.2,0.753,0.047,-0.9183,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,0,4,0,0,3,0,12,11,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,14,1,10,4,1,4,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664859129178312,0.0,0.19585181272796684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493228480713081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186561306447652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206229095080656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211585529211767,0.25157480733715937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516316728619594,0.15178547338163306,0.0,0.0,0.24769581207397895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326359369179183,0.0,0.0,0.16715878589761962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729413472817166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913454075516592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198750038399638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106869053480396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504394159487284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuffySmashes,2018/02/14,I hate myself My online and only friend blocked me...,0.3810000000000002,2.389129099999998,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,108.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.031,41,1,7,0,2,13,10,10,0.387,0.4,0.213,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268969493310663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733152004693886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186774003197774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,proudvoidy,2018/02/14,"Existential crisis and alcoholism I'm just 15 and suffering from alcoholism. I first tried it 2 years ago and am an addict for nearly 3 months. I drink 3-5 a week. It is not an serious issue if i would drink soft. But when i use alcohol, i drink over 200 ml. I can see my livers reaction to that. Even i had a better skin compared to my peers, i have acnes everywhere on my body. I have an affectionate family, high grades, several gfs(i often upset them) but i always have suicidal thoughts on my mind. I was a Christian for a year but i cant resist lying myself anymore. I always lived as a nihilist even i was thinking like a conservative. Sometimes i harm myself with sharp things but i had not any suicidal attempts due to the usage of daily anti depressants. I don't know what to do. I see no meaning right here. ",1.8862648863226283,4.236010300613497,4.292970046914474,81.36183688199209,80.96319018404907,7.516275712739084,23.69866474197041,8.4952907291091,1.9115271743053053,641,23,121,15,17,223,109,163,0.2,0.727,0.073,-0.9747,0,0,6,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,6,8,0,1,10,0,14,10,3,1,0,21,22,10,2,2,8,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,4,6,1,4,3,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,5,25,3,14,16,0,14,1,2,2,0,1,6,0,2,9,86,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918772203032793,0.0,0.0,0.121310099141899,0.4387561000625319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277418861027349,0.0,0.0,0.09306333044229127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571935723650427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121033533306132,0.0,0.15201054092906022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178695120957583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021854576963964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077750733389636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901088462492094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640533768187165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459052929876184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428368239500483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520969638875058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685845554349687,0.0,0.12084188519850382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907079036268475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818043524165224,0.0,0.1092331128235719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686995303950415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810495836365215,0.0,0.0,0.15460260650979796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353490766367932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993854280359775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091768208964736,0.08768855506787478,0.0,0.10864435812133412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291280355451816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819527101878795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977356748709302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721497968398624,0.0,0.0,0.17625503406578322
suicidewatch,alcowar,2018/02/14,"Well, I'm trying My father left my house long time ago, he tried to harm my mom so she left him. I'm proud of her. I had a step-father and he left us to. I'm not sad about it, I didn't actually accept him, I disliked him so I guess it's ok. But lately, my sister's anorexya and 2 of my mom's friends got cancer, I feel like I can't handle it anymore. I wanted to live a long and good life, studying forest auxiliary (google translate) and wanting to become a firefighter to help people, but I feel like I can't help myself anymore. I wanted to be productive all my live, not because me, I used to like live, but my firts goal was my family hapinness. Now it looks like an imposible goal, and my life looks usseless, as I can't keep anything up. I lost contact to good friends, the only one who I've talked to is a computer freak (like I used to be), but he does not care about my personal issues. I feel so ashamed of myself. I want to be strong, I want to be the pilar that holds my family togheter, I want to help other people, but I just can't help myself. I won't ever kill myself because it would be 2 hard for my mom and aunt, but I'm losing hope so quickly, I just want to become invisible or something like that.
It's so hard. I'm sorry for the long post, and sorry for my bad english. I used to care about my mistakes and so but actually I just care about my sister and my mother. Sorry if I've wittren some misscence words, but I'm drunk and hopeless. Listening to rock songs so I can get some hope. Just sorry for wasting your time and wanted to apologyze. Hope to see you soon. Thaank you 💔.
Edit: Actually I'd like to die with something like an overdose, so my family believes that it was my fault, not theirs. I was just a piece of shit, and I was so stupid. If nobody can cheer me up, I hope somebody can give me advice with how to kill myself and look like and accident. I wan't to suffer with my death, I wan't to feel my last feelings.",2.288371951219513,3.5019825780487817,4.084923780487806,88.59616615853659,75.65853658536584,6.88109756097561,23.30030487804878,7.413659706084162,0.8291280487804884,1507,43,332,18,32,510,174,410,0.191,0.603,0.206,0.5584,0,0,2,0,1,3,57.0,1,3,1,6,24,41,4,1,10,1,21,5,1,4,2,69,61,36,4,16,20,8,7,9,2,2,3,2,0,1,12,17,1,2,6,3,0,0,10,15,1,1,8,13,67,26,40,46,4,18,0,5,4,0,33,5,1,10,21,204,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.1940241435064308,0.0,0.0,0.06476303757680509,0.05874867495432325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314537282501186,0.0,0.0,0.05453857241404345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553367495560963,0.0808010932795613,0.14639077765396724,0.0,0.07466908515718418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027149460231885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687828533591509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799758683249695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994941574965097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743415214425652,0.0,0.16755283231224666,0.09469356315225916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024076029281764,0.0,0.034625885062436516,0.06357689595470728,0.0,0.11117643596352056,0.05300606921350472,0.0,0.07300924305924382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873853464167712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769059791205302,0.0,0.0,0.2633036064354994,0.0,0.07647230369315022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917374728985752,0.0,0.0589081511025534,0.14664665216683873,0.0,0.0,0.05402286601487088,0.07476094199408884,0.0,0.21602352601944647,0.0,0.09362380370784223,0.2914069917023673,0.0,0.17556577773686452,0.17595352768542202,0.16696260139444685,0.07414462896304419,0.07234685139835269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286098616010825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044909568262832635,0.05040502637868922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189330248753363,0.05786866161684118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347300701030359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281249209863529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803020339205773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020432682451306,0.0,0.2967571714034409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326923141515519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729082129914455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999257495840225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797205104307358,0.17172063020322625,0.0,0.0,0.3127250915535721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059589068939474424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707976732806948,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,usernamet-a-k-e-n,2018/02/14,"Help Hi.
Lately, my best friend hasn't been sleeping well, he kept ditching school, and hasn't communicated with anyone.
Today I spotted a bunch of scars on his wrist. What should I do?",2.5924285714285698,5.345171028571432,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,81.57142857142857,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,0.007142857142856673,146,4,28,1,4,45,32,35,0.048,0.6859999999999999,0.266,0.8514,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529453774235837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796363574534201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279488662334444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424747093957372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408071960974332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661122905136051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620132069847869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34289855389357793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252584513540326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PhantomKliq,2018/02/14,"Tempted to scar myself I want to scar myself, through cutting, burning, throwing acid on my face maybe?

I just want the pain I deserve.",4.790399999999998,6.762781840000002,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,70.6,5.0,36.5,3.1291,1.9734,106,6,18,0,2,32,19,25,0.189,0.7090000000000001,0.102,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344771925219207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660978870678891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6275884901200444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blurrscreen,2018/02/14,"I'm close to coming close. I can feel my life headed in a downward spiral. I am in my last year of college and I have no drive to do or learn or anything. I know I have below average intelligence and grasping power when it comes to anything. I have no talent really. I suck st everything I enjoy. What's worse is that the closest friends that I have and really love, are quite easily the nicest and most talented (in this particular case, I really enjoy listening to western music and started trying to learn, but I'm unbearably horrible at it) people I know. I honestly don't think I have anything to offer to anyone. I'm a dull sod. Just an amassing of protoplasm waiting to end. It's just a question of when.

I've seen people say encouraging things on this subreddit. You guys need to be given more credit for that. I'm just another one who's nearly in need of help. Or maybe I'm just too much of a wimp to do anything of substance. Including committing suicide.",2.7155555555555537,4.930269947643982,4.858280977312393,79.13069080860967,77.27225130890052,8.223502036067481,26.84147760325771,8.998388855275968,2.5322667830133803,764,31,140,19,18,264,112,191,0.123,0.6970000000000001,0.18,0.83,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,2,7,12,1,0,7,0,13,3,1,0,1,30,33,11,1,2,8,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,11,9,0,1,8,0,1,3,3,3,0,1,2,4,16,9,25,30,3,21,0,1,1,1,11,12,1,5,6,94,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164139044514318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945187702653958,0.0,0.5152549989683161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696795347428324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864223743517873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068223476658648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914805120380712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209374095376904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499279532877008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064855181870255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492111911729178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205345817744705,0.12759571135011152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056425468168388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412776136082748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725896074422882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507014844775502,0.2321352438468295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607116452031906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704126722895886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535336719058978,0.16649266700263907,0.0,0.0,0.3008381442517272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448173819164207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079523138967476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122226486354275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399391543974718,0.10030035930492068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627598519934812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595210302871846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008024549635651
suicidewatch,mermaidx09,2018/02/14,"Why I cannot sleep I wrote about every soul I touched. Every skin I felt. I wrote about every eyes that sparkled with happiness, with sadness, with fresh tears. And somehow I was so filled with happiness and sorrow I didn't have enough pages to fill them with. It wasn't selfless, it was selfish. 

I wrote about how their hearts broke and mended and broke again because I wasn't looking their direction. 

I wrote about how everything I touched, I left marks, as deep as the scars on mine. 

I wrote about love beaten and battered. I created a victim of the people i touched and suddenly I was a monster even I couldn't escape. 

Maybe that's why I can't sleep. ",3.4857599431818187,5.497497476562502,3.4216193181818184,91.25690340909092,74.234375,6.529545454545455,25.69886363636364,7.348242739294969,1.119115625,519,18,105,6,11,157,71,128,0.185,0.69,0.125,-0.6826,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,11,10,2,0,4,0,10,6,5,2,0,21,18,11,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,12,7,22,3,15,5,2,7,1,4,2,1,9,3,0,1,2,68,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649053731832495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745357222948665,0.0,0.12621731095317554,0.0,0.4830206510739711,0.0,0.1717450421068753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834824261870351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068511523491827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264500482868149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076267007290597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047277216255362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247188131585542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198192920031595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248212057838485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38246863636478173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448693945760345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,illc97,2018/02/14,"Today is the end My mother just find out I didn't go to college all the semester, and didn't pass, she's so angry... I'm sorry I'm sorry, she just don't understand depression all she cares about is her money who it's being wasted on me, this is my 3rd year already im fucking hopeless don't want to deal with this shit, hope you all can get better bye",1.8692640692640732,2.9695232207792235,4.126688311688317,88.333841991342,76.53246753246755,6.691774891774893,21.924242424242426,7.1686216300943375,0.6132008658008656,276,7,61,3,6,96,55,77,0.182,0.677,0.14,-0.3732,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,2,0,2,0,9,2,1,0,3,12,18,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,9,3,6,15,3,7,0,2,0,1,9,2,2,1,4,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539773399842872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035498471942868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346542725584517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372755642823283,0.19822871001602987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038454642674684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035383486969586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277088119257856,0.12024439288392436,0.0,0.1308001111666146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859186301588005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486025627721347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362466833670085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5152703800208147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815622720070174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395952967839886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574901661583294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482096914438188
suicidewatch,atarimeow,2018/02/14,"Would much rather be dead than go to work. I'm almost 28 and have never had a job that I didn't hate. Everything I've ever done has made me suicidal. The only times I've ever been happy were when I wasn't working.

I hate that I have to work to support me and my husband. I hate that I've never made enough money to live comfortably. Everything's a struggle and I'm absolutely sick of it. There's no point to living if I have to spend 8 hours a day doing something that makes me want to die, not even making enough money to get by.

I had to stop taking my antipsychotics because going to the psychiatrist is too expensive. Things were bad even while I was on them, but now my lows are even lower. I'm absolutely DONE. I don't want to live if this is what life is. I just need to figure out how I'm going to end it.",2.027216748768474,3.3442716724137966,4.041050903119871,88.22689655172415,76.52873563218391,7.0403940886699505,21.049261083743843,7.7094869923839395,0.6534019704433498,637,15,142,9,14,218,101,174,0.133,0.779,0.08800000000000001,-0.82,4,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,3,12,9,3,1,5,0,22,2,0,5,4,26,42,9,3,7,6,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,1,0,4,3,7,6,0,0,12,0,17,3,18,28,3,19,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,12,97,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056454904675913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053008887740156,0.07339553871474756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776489030850572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495758093682502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464247444482911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663984932170807,0.24881353693704256,0.0,0.2385718465840879,0.217819808420488,0.0,0.0,0.21641791989636905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290473023278523,0.0,0.2052805667694685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816946419340922,0.0,0.356614186416844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857106588822257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194797507019827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504302640913684,0.0,0.0,0.31894976451092816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278533162427439,0.1607376573959676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850883770274143,0.08927606725063794,0.18572187025029396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157064378312686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381818248401243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269083302068802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100660910598745,0.0,0.12586962143075694,0.0,0.13169952291131135,0.1366300126491793,0.0,0.0,0.09052682277819307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998929963932598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020698899863696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420316584379624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629608262419577,0.0,0.0,0.08552965672514456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Audreeey,2018/02/14,"I'm sorry. Sexual/physical/mental abuse as a child. 0-4
Almost sold into human trafficking but someone intervened. 4
Put into a foster home with a women who tells me that she spent her life praying for a daughter, and her I am. 5
Returned to mother, foster parents told they will never see us again. Relocated from Canada to USA. 5
Mom loses custody of us and is arrested. Last time I saw her. Returned to Canada. 5
Waited everyday for my mom to come get me. 6-16
Finally receive a message from my mother, who tells me that none of the abuse we suffered was real, our PTSD and all the other fuck ups we've been diagnosed with can't be real according to her. 17
Try killing myself twice. 17
Rehab 18
Physically abusive relationship. 18-24
He beat me while I was pregnant, he tried to kill me more than once. One distinct memory I have is while he was drunk he searched the house for something couldn't find it. Came into the room I was laying on the bed breastfeeding our daughter. He punched me in the face as hard as he could. He would strangle me till I blacked out. I have scars on my face. He was charged with domestic abuse, paid a fine. 21
I gained the courage to leave. 24
He left the province and cuts off contact. 24
He gets a DUI a province over and comes back 24
Wants visitation 25
Custody battle 26
New relationship. Old ways. 26
Kicked out of home, sent to shelter. Yesterday
Custody hearing, Valentines Day. Today
I cant fight anymore. I have spent my life fighting. I have spent my life thinking I am not enough. 
It has been 26 years of bullshit. I am done fighting. I really am not enough! I have finally convinced myself! I AM NOT ENOUGH! I never understood how my mom could just leave me, but now I understand! The only difference is MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN WORTH THE FIGHT. MY DAUGHTER MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. I ONLY CALLED YOUR FATHER OUT IN COURT SO THAT IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO ME THAT YOU WOULD BE OKAY. BUT NEITHER OF US DESERVE YOU! I love you! I want you to be happy, but I am a dead end. I love you I love you I love you but I am done fighting! I can't even believe I am saying this. Because my love for you is the only thing that has got me this far. I love you so much!",0.5189455782312926,2.9864709682539683,2.3944138321995467,90.98699489795919,91.01814058956914,5.026167800453514,22.089229024943307,6.666085086199828,0.7166184126984128,1711,65,345,23,60,565,223,441,0.182,0.685,0.133,-0.9737,1,0,1,0,11,2,60.0,6,10,1,3,9,23,10,0,21,1,42,15,2,1,5,50,74,20,3,8,10,11,1,0,0,3,5,2,4,3,13,18,1,1,5,1,6,7,11,12,0,2,21,6,73,11,43,44,8,48,1,2,3,7,72,17,1,2,23,229,86,0,0.0,0.34671367534786224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325560729038977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255153081388076,0.0,0.0,0.06020151683357021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056252786725648485,0.0,0.04459548684471834,0.0,0.0,0.08242225617698823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747009046777001,0.08367147832626275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603559078900534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681892918230435,0.0,0.0,0.04717985175494992,0.0,0.0,0.07425224672605464,0.0,0.07643290930415321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972887510189645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479489190796567,0.22677047558138946,0.0,0.04831913870228684,0.06617418831604767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027860844600528,0.06686366087068824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763195000476599,0.07644244101727835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850988808090825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469199833882422,0.07787639077827617,0.06553380090110082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245262479142554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676374837574674,0.0,0.0,0.08441270965317074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187352378764128,0.0,0.0,0.059632262705771065,0.0,0.15492421412685478,0.0794846861738915,0.0,0.15501767131392358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184334373021028,0.0,0.0,0.3961592602128957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968880976647373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570398152664112,0.0,0.0,0.053778400929167317,0.0,0.11284551304559436,0.0706549456728883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676537760115394,0.07790922109191158,0.04957269708561565,0.16691630765449866,0.0,0.0,0.08123156920139743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855159635639375,0.07354242820078476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665360895338062,0.04686588877769511,0.0,0.0,0.15708527717385207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058176937417172274,0.0,0.0,0.058296211128549935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198521425797807,0.05631940165553283,0.0,0.08189264523692735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788390621943774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486018881017769,0.04687569286041706,0.0,0.0,0.04265810850526392,0.0,0.06934375121524318,0.06990411352404204,0.0,0.09933684136659858,0.0,0.0,0.07615843409890899,0.2639945696180867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629912752627536,0.05806817696459868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039364721102062,0.0,0.0,0.047110348868075164
suicidewatch,utybo,2018/02/14,"Suicide is the only way to get rid of sadness No one gives a shit about me irl. I come from a pretty good background, have kinda good results at school that are getting worse over time due to the null amount of shit i give about it. So no one cares about it. I just want to die so that sadness just disappears.",2.7796875000000014,4.120876343750002,3.230125000000001,94.70237500000002,74.625,5.745000000000001,23.7375,5.6839178017228535,0.22703499999999946,242,7,54,1,5,75,46,64,0.354,0.494,0.152,-0.9585,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,4,0,3,2,2,1,0,6,10,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,4,3,11,10,1,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,1,2,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140531738453348,0.0,0.0,0.1808492425054016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789002276102987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937545524552907,0.4027972272192403,0.0,0.35218422876548017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845286687913996,0.1596728226375877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21358979528410715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124758007996301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310115629583976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964602731282294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242076323988947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383114756951202,0.16664476679921084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395214522770026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowMeAway2117111,2018/02/14,"I just wish something couldve made me happy Every attempt I have made to be happy has gone to shit. My world is crumbling around ne and I cant take it anymore. My family are emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. The only person I've ever loved left me 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years. In going to bring he. A large bouquet of white roses (they're her favorite) and a love note tonight that has my debt card and code in it. I'm going to give her a hug then leave and run myself into a very sturdy tree at 120mph. (I'd be dead faster than the blink of an eye) I can't do this anymore. I'm alone and am so unloved. Ive lost my drive to try anymore. Its not that its valentines day that I feel like this. Ive felt like this for about 6 years now. I'm not doing this because she left me. I'm doing this because I am a waste of space. Anything I try to do just goes to shit. I hope you all have a great valentines day and remember that even if you're alone on this valentines day you can still make it enjoyable. Go out and have some fun 


I'll be listening to ""With Heart and Voice"" by David Gillingham. Id recommend listening to it sometime.",1.4402226345083518,3.1418316734693903,3.009508348794064,93.32097866419296,79.20408163265307,5.923933209647496,22.564935064935064,6.7829847944221076,0.4573265306122454,900,28,204,9,22,296,147,245,0.124,0.716,0.16,0.8884,1,2,1,0,0,2,25.0,1,2,0,2,9,15,2,0,9,0,22,7,4,3,2,30,45,12,1,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,16,14,0,0,3,0,1,7,4,4,0,0,6,7,25,11,26,36,2,32,0,1,2,3,13,12,2,3,15,118,41,0,0.0,0.14077867745921033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532407273255093,0.0,0.0,0.2461170901303591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535035142310461,0.0,0.0,0.09777624043661083,0.10577229178455236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485944120548852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22988134377288236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336530961735627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847748648104227,0.10747674955391524,0.1001084196994826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201006257221664,0.0,0.060077428846593325,0.0848828653625575,0.114082921842185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398006199883913,0.2025792624000188,0.0,0.0,0.1309961261909224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529657427111915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079867863491966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180120582145773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581001282573492,0.258189965806085,0.0,0.0,0.11609593734174327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970275575705412,0.0,0.21447390428633487,0.2248549751506164,0.07931124847231527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483856992298166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036565792373734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374639308556924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345964622570617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392781950048176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914711064962192,0.11751301905459853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488738377213017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933557264783977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133784323948902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803644175295104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663364889292173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302846307716067
suicidewatch,purpleponies7493,2018/02/14,"""take me out back and shoot me if i ever..."" been thinking a lot lately about whether i've reached a kind of ""point of no return"". i think most people would agree, even if they don't admit it, that there's a point where they reasonably wouldn't consider their life worth living (""take me out back and shoot me if i ever....""). i feel like i've been there for a while- being a college drop out with no friends, no career prospects, and a personality disorder would be pretty repellant to most people, i think. i am a joke or a tragedy to the people who know me, and i feel like if i did kill myself, it would be viewed as sad but understandable. usually when i feel like this i jack myself up on hope that i change my circumstances, but its been years, and every one of those attempts have failed. i am very very alone, and not at all where i'd like to be in life. it'd be nice to tell myself its everyone else who doesn't understand me or won't give me a chance, but i know deep down im just not a functional person, and never will be- this state of endless loserdom is where i draw the line on life being worth living. im not even really sure why im posting this, except the idea that at least someone somewhere in the world will know that i didn't do it for attention, or to break my moms heart or something. ",7.602794299876081,5.130946773234201,7.540604089219332,80.92669299876086,64.53903345724908,10.899752168525405,32.08209417596035,9.075114841892004,2.3145164807930607,1018,26,226,13,12,328,140,269,0.124,0.757,0.119,-0.1026,0,1,1,2,0,3,39.0,0,0,3,2,14,13,1,0,14,0,27,4,1,1,5,56,43,22,1,9,17,1,3,4,1,7,3,0,0,2,16,11,0,0,15,1,2,0,12,3,0,1,5,4,30,10,26,23,5,33,0,2,1,0,12,18,0,12,15,158,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682831696720203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862606406997593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091149631014116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821443824803855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616538323919598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625413491026736,0.18660321819779171,0.08690509045980988,0.09856057838254352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646139667909376,0.22106291703431155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969046918706031,0.0,0.0,0.09894719773181122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222869904570705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244741276781133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643946232917213,0.3342466660112481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411594629437065,0.10741085555614396,0.17005930001101868,0.0,0.116353363891429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856555464308366,0.2015680192932416,0.0,0.18215990220770906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769117871093267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080353874686042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955267918406134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989450907006355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145256850367648,0.1801265009086341,0.0,0.0,0.1950129264638774,0.0,0.09878551132404158,0.10493672885176264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607807282690073,0.1060514338922534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739540865976421,0.07940695506308065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721403735527627,0.0,0.1551061548178561,0.0,0.0901542922683066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827568797433592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147575853577112,0.0,0.0,0.11360092547779248,0.17021277260142634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307336818563992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981622303313686,0.0,0.0,0.06642274679077298
suicidewatch,mazzamunchkin,2018/02/14,"Happy Birthday to me I don’t know why I exist . I wonder that everyday but now my birthday has come around I start to wonder even more. I’m 17 today and the older get, the less I see the point. I’ve spent the whole day inside by myself crying on and off like how I spent my last birthday. I didn’t get any presents from my parents since they give me no attention anyways unless they want me do chores or talk about themselves. They’re good parents but they never show an interest in my life. I have social anxiety and struggle to leave my house or socialise. I wonder why I was put on this earth at all. I’m too scared to kill myself, but I feel like I’m just getting more and more pathetic to the point where my life seems meaningless. If I make it to next year I’ll most likely be in an even worse position than now. ",1.1348104575163376,3.3406842588235293,2.600392156862746,93.24065359477129,82.88235294117645,5.424836601307192,20.03267973856209,6.691623216298621,0.2196993464052288,644,18,138,7,18,209,106,170,0.21600000000000005,0.7090000000000001,0.075,-0.9828,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,0,11,9,1,2,7,0,7,2,0,2,2,27,27,12,1,2,8,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,7,1,2,2,4,3,0,0,4,2,26,6,18,22,7,24,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,8,15,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037340104471228,0.0,0.1016645856016765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830504463327172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447758410086127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597931117022184,0.08570651215790716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555226201882518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719588638228265,0.09494047075931812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082970194922273,0.12748533755458522,0.0,0.11146632164160997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146958044123129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334340098710306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702902423907238,0.0,0.0730358135893966,0.10832745459102608,0.0,0.1407169962146438,0.0,0.0,0.1877358439666756,0.19477787826890536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870868383517527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024970933147622,0.0,0.14133572156842086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951291373074317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512581389635665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335965413679215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330514377718069,0.0,0.10590039480835776,0.12098294329652527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993241396182407,0.0,0.0,0.13547008221656515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406401884726616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893108351639238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681625528041463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259692609352167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838512572023394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398347812264273,0.14837292194399698,0.0,0.0,0.4323580424946917,0.0,0.0,0.13543172401251388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558025381250409
suicidewatch,throw_999999,2018/02/14,"I have no reason to live anymore. I don't think my depression would ever be cured.

I take anti-depressant, and I go to counselling and clinic. However, things never change. I can't study, and I can't do well on anything. This week, I have 5 midterm exams in a row. So far, I've taken 3, and I feel like I failed all of them. I'm in engineering at one of the ""considered-to-be-best"" universities in North America, and it is really tough that if I don't do well I will be required to withdraw. If I were not depressed, I would feel extremely bad and try to get over it by studying more. Now, I'm not really feeling bad because of the exam. I just don't see any hope and/or possibility of getting better. I'm feeling terrible because I want to die but there are so many things I might want to clear up before I leave this fucking world.

I would be feel sorry to my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my very few friends and so on. They did really nice to me, but I have not returned anything to them. I'm also a foreign student so there are some complicated matters to be solved after I die.


I fucking don't even know what I'm writing here. I think I'm going to kill myself as early as this weekend or as late as some time in March, so if anybody has any idea on how to clear up the things in a short period of time please give me advice.",3.52287580461946,4.194759205035975,5.2271071563801605,83.64725672093904,72.05755395683451,8.154789852328664,28.300643695569853,8.371475516178862,1.858414388489208,1041,38,221,16,19,356,151,278,0.132,0.75,0.118,-0.199,3,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,0,3,3,16,17,3,0,6,0,26,3,0,2,5,45,53,24,3,9,10,2,5,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,10,1,0,2,11,10,2,1,3,6,33,7,35,41,5,31,0,3,1,2,8,16,2,8,14,150,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868042353078787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889405697829384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512633854682263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102978442292883,0.0,0.0,0.18304500130011328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572388212771565,0.13559427364658566,0.0,0.09463787457109572,0.0,0.11671587215003047,0.09836281334472356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176533352990263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28737432926089695,0.0,0.2308523477103209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345808936203116,0.10060256803687696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117447020428,0.07945378208072798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592634066775978,0.20563751592465346,0.11621307444855733,0.10668993051686454,0.1264149012882376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046404143203273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555098507177334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304565121704725,0.0,0.06112221237802368,0.0,0.1254581493315908,0.11776324114335192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433523754534808,0.0,0.09820706273145492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275705730083554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798415906527936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577776843749081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536383532969951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349383763191665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208338299029454,0.0,0.12538098557332988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374627559534745,0.11435008138225175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862592342413139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244988510447645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362169550828462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166383353858066,0.1425273267499147,0.0,0.0,0.129703601130067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550936094918592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176605956618546,0.13119788953089162,0.0,0.0892119451029056,0.0,0.19999572263629709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370170969919764,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CripplingSerotonin,2018/02/14,"Tell me why it’s not worth it I was taking my meds but I always run out before I can get more and now I’ve been off them for a week. Anytime it’s quiet, I’m bombarded with thoughts to just kill myself. No real reason. Just kill myself. I know I want to. People would eventually stop missing me. I’m not needed. What else is there for me to do? Just end it. 

I know it’s not logical but I can’t seem to get passed this suicidal fog, help me out. ",-1.9786224489795927,-0.17189878571428352,1.1273214285714308,97.88955357142858,103.18367346938776,4.08265306122449,13.267857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.8707979591836734,341,7,82,4,16,119,65,98,0.278,0.6759999999999999,0.046,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,23,19,3,3,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,3,1,15,0,10,15,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677884309686515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807828039542459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747815163874722,0.0,0.1881712862450232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219970128256704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240351500240944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470098001296151,0.0,0.2335184509936337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359886275100559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753203434084387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728893293365194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24181929509431085,0.0,0.21843821449254608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341024715686075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776211532784426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323903192071804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973905430472346,0.0,0.1856942608803948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168664836024297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531094157474895,0.0,0.17041787608828374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170679374249933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092130775159995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daletsamek,2018/02/14,"Will life ever get better? In my high school, I was rather optimistic that once I get into any reputed university, everything will be smooth. Now that I am in one, I realised that I was dead wrong. I started having bouts of anxiety and depression all thanks to the toxic people I am surrounded with. I am struggling with my academics and I am really worried about my career and future. I can almost see that my life is taking a downward spiral. 
Recently my father passed away which has made my situation even worse. Now I feel like as if I am alone in this world and would never get any chance to make my father proud of me.
My once so called friends are also acting insensitive towards me and many have abandoned me. 
The only thing that is keeping me going on is my mother. I just can't bear to leave her alone. Still every day is so strangulating. I am trying to behave normally in social scenarios, but deep inside I feel really broken and lost. 
It seems I have nothing more left to live for. 

",4.276093750000001,5.988954005208335,5.442625000000002,78.83987500000002,71.44791666666666,8.245000000000001,25.3,8.841846274778883,1.97969125,787,24,142,15,15,261,125,192,0.153,0.7829999999999999,0.065,-0.9353,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,11,10,0,1,3,0,23,2,0,2,3,26,38,12,1,4,4,3,3,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,4,4,30,5,20,30,2,26,0,3,1,0,7,14,0,3,10,107,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508210091041686,0.2794298546031321,0.0,0.10787887205693887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347221574643585,0.0,0.10319754799343224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674227490750173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930741372438974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774720484907232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699884870842825,0.0,0.11618851619849495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890996745711643,0.12202408408599676,0.11365842634641644,0.0,0.12123873694798044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641821621279454,0.09637204272971743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422281680723397,0.0,0.21143785260836734,0.0,0.07666634582759578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252845164854733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199046411645876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428388153496084,0.1465684170225012,0.0,0.1905666427810534,0.06590495376455784,0.0,0.11911849880600545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472584539481704,0.0,0.0,0.1276449209192427,0.09004628901338624,0.13676665426993048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404260878001403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217261162327953,0.1294394573128542,0.0,0.0,0.28732657211266377,0.09141121502925748,0.10259694944943422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352214637507976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283981257651793,0.0,0.13319672336473734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365252309927916,0.10749722738828243,0.12280720000322287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516323958019626,0.0,0.13751278509109127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548237512597296,0.0,0.1077307058891126,0.0,0.0,0.14102597353946245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142743871484676,0.0,0.0,0.12419709425740012,0.0,0.0,0.089621059681834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158772772446387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369967245647612,0.13747384849797878,0.09582854837451787,0.14749114014292003,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotJustAnotherAsian,2018/02/14,"Seeking Advice Not sure if this is the right place to ask this but it was the only place to have come to mind. I recently came across a friend’s relatively lengthy Facebook post where she talked about her depression and anxiety. What set off an alarm for me was a sentence mentioning her considering about ending her life.

We do know each other in real life, but we’re not that close. However, technically she is a junior to me from camp a few years back so I believe that I am in a position to provide advice.

Would it be too much if I advised her to get help (from like a suicide hotline or therapy) or should I just stick to listening and providing emotional support? What other ways can I show her that getting help is nothing to be afraid/ashamed of without being too straightforward?

Edit: thanks for the gold. Just wanted to add that if it weren’t for this subreddit, I would have taken much much less notice about things like this around me. Learning that so many people actually need help is not the most pleasant thing, but knowing that so many people like you guys are out there giving help makes it that much better.",7.2446124031007715,7.161142697674425,6.9295930232558165,77.29237403100777,63.88372093023256,10.14341085271318,33.265503875969,9.725611199111238,3.011457364341085,900,33,167,16,12,283,133,215,0.09,0.737,0.173,0.9596,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,1,0,1,14,11,0,1,11,0,19,2,0,1,1,37,34,13,1,8,14,0,0,3,1,3,2,1,0,1,21,10,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,1,19,9,25,23,8,20,0,1,0,0,21,11,0,6,7,126,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.11606521996697332,0.0,0.0,0.2324474490515797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098637349633673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587902280620856,0.11118991019824374,0.0,0.0,0.09145510495248577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400111403992362,0.0,0.10518998868752348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603208440461098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245357478531343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102440144522564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378796071380702,0.10534275695049412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189032415253497,0.0,0.1242792023825518,0.11409507518670073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776619210311046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188834847047046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072917721594648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680172453043497,0.1743196283751575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939127860530625,0.2411666193472002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009232501824403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34972911298713305,0.08819017575229715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412312634579284,0.13541040511605215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045684266437318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491168842119447,0.0,0.24852741167569506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390863612350315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537618696983078,0.0,0.0,0.1174358020727733,0.0,0.0,0.10157142985359746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009762223771387,0.13496814095474846,0.11209658439560892,0.0,0.0,0.09559694401846447,0.0,0.10950108238989092,0.13601466656555894,0.0,0.1580327317441262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015204245539074,0.0944065445965809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465089020581065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897866787630578,0.0,0.0,0.07659143930221643
suicidewatch,anonymous_361,2018/02/14,"mornings Every morning I wake up and refuse to get out of bed. I am a 25 year old male computer programmer with a well paying job. I like to get in as early as possible but am only obligated to be in by 10. I wake up at 7 every morning (disciplined sleep schedule) and am hit by an unbelievable need to escape. Thoughts of suicide abound. I do not want to go to work, I do not want to live on this planet anymore, I just want to die. I have researched means of suicide, and as time has passed I have become more calm about the idea. I am no longer afraid of death.

I feel pain every day. I am miserable at work. After work, I spend my few remaining hours of free time assaulted by irrational fears. I have no desire to perform at my job. I DO perform, but only because it’s a necessity; until death comes, I need income.

The idea of sharing this is humiliating to me. I can’t imagine what other people at work would think if they saw this. I feel no real emotional connection with anyone.

At work, it seems everyone wants to be my friend. I am met with friendly greetings, hellos, questions about games, or my beard (?) (an abnormally large amount of men have taken interest in my beard - i don’t know if i should take this to mean i will attract more women this way). I view everyone as stupid and annoying. I wish no one would talk to me. I feel that it is impossible that they are actually this friendly. Surely there is an alterior motive. I hate them and wish they would stop treating me with such respect. It feels irrational and not right for some reason.

I wish I was dead. That is constantly the strongest feeling, I wish I was dead.

Everyone told me I needed success to be happy in life. Well, it didn’t work.",2.401211283185841,4.544117162241887,4.100854535398232,84.53013136061949,77.96755162241887,7.187352507374631,25.048027286135692,8.17850203761792,1.6417912241887906,1334,49,265,25,32,447,181,339,0.227,0.569,0.203,-0.9367,3,0,0,0,0,3,49.0,0,0,4,10,7,24,4,3,9,0,32,5,3,2,1,60,65,16,7,18,9,0,5,1,3,5,2,0,1,3,16,12,0,3,17,1,3,3,10,8,2,1,8,7,44,17,50,48,5,30,0,1,2,0,18,14,0,6,13,179,60,13,0.0,0.0,0.08253043278453759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838730651316884,0.05913496706213371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155453138958165,0.09340353744465693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285160765439426,0.0,0.09139268639364932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454218173973019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777276714067228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513253240043072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137676062868664,0.2424375695786082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951674280484106,0.2138116553192739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602120833040595,0.0,0.08837114478969448,0.0,0.048064426478377456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002885980067436,0.0,0.08349770567141725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328674801323105,0.0,0.0,0.19094382164681106,0.0,0.0,0.1678500537185121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647876244179201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973596558116012,0.041317787753975085,0.0,0.07467895158262672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842482069456604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812802080380148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874447503964174,0.0,0.0573084262285451,0.12864219575059355,0.08999096379457026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863183225992604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953426392215448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474040897933064,0.0,0.0,0.09626187157978784,0.0,0.08695448121043803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222434133797385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699150874940569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463344651384326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070628768508684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501689085796852,0.0,0.07970845724904113,0.0,0.06358789659758547,0.06797606694725697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419055940336652,0.0,0.0671410144466128,0.09862965737373816,0.0,0.0,0.08081252319286941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953189857254813,0.0671296102783042,0.0,0.0,0.15208143357600662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38901620396179293,0.0,0.0,0.3694181528773853,0.0,0.0,0.1802333540808499,0.0,0.0,0.05446183305387485
suicidewatch,visceralballs,2018/02/14,"suicide I've been hovering between lack of feeling and suicide for some time now. I moved from a 1st world country to a 3rd world country because my wife is from there and I wanted her to be comfortable, my skill as a 3D designer and cad specialist is not in demand so i design stuff when im able and I've had a call center job for a few months now. i cant say depressed is what im feeling, a complete emptiness is more on key. My wifes family is always having their own problems and I never get involved until my wife asks me to do something and I just get it done. Im really tired of being miserable like deeply miserable. we are planning to move to my country in the coming months but, even the smallest fights i have with my wife drag me so low down. Im tired of living here and not doing what satisfies me and makes me happy. Have a plan for a project gone through a load of investors and none panned out, my last option is next week saturday, if it pans out its cool. 
im so tired of being so stupid and feeling inadequate. ",3.2129716981132077,4.4593973254716985,4.5501415094339634,86.04002358490568,73.38679245283019,7.3754716981132065,27.400943396226417,7.8658589789855275,1.6038905660377365,811,30,167,11,16,269,127,212,0.207,0.71,0.084,-0.9838,1,0,1,0,1,2,14.0,1,0,1,3,11,11,2,2,11,1,19,3,0,1,1,30,29,19,2,4,5,4,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,15,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,5,21,4,26,22,6,26,0,4,0,0,12,10,0,3,13,115,27,2,0.11440331141862164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519271975849086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069516528645665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973919678764559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681857201543877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854832282566067,0.11994969540833975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853540448804443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170743075625898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556230822867266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784926037149928,0.0,0.17353725506444675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954201678736345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178445232605448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178760401945776,0.0,0.1135276338624401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325396801274932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558916792246693,0.0,0.10102021994847048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636509872820199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826312634061745,0.2431852297361221,0.0,0.0,0.08823488650647597,0.0,0.12166921957097487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946851852292973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732896907589805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097810505278146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807325837015342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096442082187087,0.2502773085663173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670949089525806,0.3944693312062011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674780371622945,0.0,0.09176743571865184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watermelonkiwi,2018/02/14,"Anyone here over 30? Seems like everyone is a teenager or early 20s. I'm 31. Never been suicidal in the past even though things were awful because I always hoped it'd get better. It hasn't. 

I don't really have much emotion anymore. Seems like most people who are suicidal have huge mood swings and are impulsive. Just stuck in a terrible feeling that passes and gets better. 

I am not like that. Least impulsive person you'd meet. I have just come to the realization in life that the things I want I will never be able to have at this point. ",2.4503516295025705,4.925573349056607,3.6417667238421965,86.11635506003431,79.66037735849056,6.873413379073758,20.957118353344764,8.00094639256281,1.135256603773585,429,12,82,8,11,139,75,106,0.07,0.685,0.244,0.9523,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,5,1,16,1,0,0,2,15,26,4,2,2,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,1,7,6,7,19,3,13,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,5,7,56,16,0,0.17524815802243918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582050631190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379908217345255,0.12253758681192115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682965053588436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099855087606891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509607706039407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713059001803834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574975556907903,0.0,0.0,0.16745712508526292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861073431412425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831198589314868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406096327818865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123782956715005,0.2568521936501392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882756045799387,0.0,0.270324366346304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729419657483,0.12149500697182684,0.15301993194862504,0.0,0.0,0.16566615454180714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122684575147262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190786824062425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833860818990373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328541782434609,0.0,0.17218042547354825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336590412484307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,legal_throway,2018/02/14,"No Future I'm a misanthrope. I hate people, authentically. 

I have 27k in student debt and no degrees to show for it. 

I'm approaching 30 and still live in my hometown that I hate. I've worked in the same business for 10 years and just broke $15. I have no credit cards, a low credit score, and no savings. I hate my job, but I'm still afraid I'll get fired because I physically can't act friendly to people. 

I have no family because they're all toxic, or maybe it's me. I have no friends. The only one I have is my girlfriend, and my head tells me she's using me because I cook and clean and take care of our dogs. 

I have no self control and I'm useless. I have nothing but debt. There are no good jobs in my area without a degree, and I don't have the funds to move. I used to love to travel, but now the world just looks bleak. I just got back from vacation yesterday. 

I hate everything. I hate my shitty apartment and my shitty life and my shitty car that's not worth the money I pay for it. I'm too broke to afford internet. Medical debt is rising. Help. 

Someone please talk me down from the edge. I'm not seeing a future. ",1.0915410016510734,3.011357746835447,3.066670335718218,91.42925151348379,81.23628691983124,5.809502843514952,21.27481196110805,6.8959733430537185,0.4243004586314436,874,26,193,10,23,294,127,237,0.29100000000000004,0.594,0.115,-0.9922,6,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,2,9,18,5,1,10,0,13,5,1,3,1,27,33,15,0,0,10,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,5,11,1,1,0,3,9,6,13,10,0,1,1,3,32,8,18,32,2,23,0,4,2,1,10,9,0,1,8,115,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566489519811107,0.0,0.22752059890555795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684598975447628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395382674890155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181318740204553,0.0,0.11728425066304515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224029613961488,0.0,0.06499996297313586,0.0,0.0,0.10435060660663936,0.09950337818128367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6141538383258373,0.1276822667778528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339052030100719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469187720201281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787564221738428,0.0,0.0,0.10985778444525514,0.0,0.10447446940314947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228639004992327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249882451577438,0.0,0.0,0.12533166933280745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222991675452814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937635331809128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843045677810099,0.09462068167692894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250277497306962,0.0,0.0,0.13656665416793504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913999381504232,0.0,0.12978850558694796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541360474712684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987106416607164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935420930490118,0.0999973881779196,0.10874128374896562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149034763021272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199284107935508,0.0,0.09057317791449687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011703685350009
suicidewatch,MunaDusk,2018/02/14,"I tried, but I missed. I couldn't get my vein, nurses make it look so easy.

It's hard to put this out there knowing that people might give me shit. I went travelling, had drug problems beforehand. I ended up getting raped for days, was so sick that I couldn't leave. My trip ended in a hospital bed, on an IV-drip for three days. I lost all my money.

I came home and felt so afraid, so alone. The thought of anyone near me, made me fucking sick. I even recoil when my mother tries to kiss me, six months after what happened. I feel like my friends let me down, maybe I didn't give them a choice but I certainly feel abandoned. I feel like there are walls between me and everyone else, I feel so far away; beyond help. A rapist was the last person that was anywhere near me, the last person that showed me any affection. If I lie on my side, at night, and close my eyes - I can still feel his hands on me. I feel disconnected from everybody else, even myself. I feel trapped in a loophole with him. Every fucking day, I want to forget what happened. But how am I supposed to forget what he showed me about myself? I am powerless, sad and alone. I can't even protect myself, I hate myself and my sadness is buried so deep that it is immovable. Nothing eases it. I was a sitting duck for him. I don't want to be alive, I don't want to be awake. I don't want to be trapped with him anymore.

I want to forget, I want to escape. My eyes are dry from crying. I even tried fucking heroin, I just wanted to feel safe; even for no more than a few hours.

A close friend told me 'It blows my mind how much you have changed, you had this spark. And now it's just gone'. I am trying so hard to hang onto my life. It doesn't sound like I am but I am. But, shit, I am in so much pain and I am so fucking removed from everything.

A lot of people have pointed fingers at me, asked me why I couldn't get away from him. And people have lectured me about the heroin. Please don't do this. That's not what I need. I just want a gentle response. I am so hurt and I am so far gone.",0.6862008456659616,2.680975774418606,2.161828752642709,96.96963530655394,83.11627906976744,4.9323467230443985,19.075052854122625,5.985473137389443,-0.30758139534883666,1573,40,364,11,44,508,199,430,0.248,0.612,0.14,-0.9967,3,4,1,0,0,1,66.0,0,2,1,1,29,26,9,1,14,0,39,19,7,5,2,64,82,29,0,14,10,1,13,3,2,1,5,1,2,2,20,15,0,3,11,3,1,9,12,18,0,2,16,17,78,8,45,58,6,49,0,6,3,7,19,25,6,3,17,247,98,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309284514899478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354296468137842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808464103484558,0.05505382053707202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360723545366955,0.0,0.14794953277042433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005264639724306,0.0,0.0,0.08329191307020407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648745108455183,0.15233400647933631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130839583213164,0.0,0.13154712069598978,0.0,0.13947289102705254,0.0,0.0,0.26002088159655506,0.0,0.0663382091162808,0.07523531964317412,0.07076255534398809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31848901820308223,0.1124975759224686,0.07559860347892698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166198738267338,0.2911594823357412,0.1234084346608893,0.15106088400284115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392514096242186,0.0,0.14106341414459758,0.0777351866698681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277486891368263,0.0,0.0789783101768545,0.0,0.07753878806458096,0.0,0.08428817754203642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04327107248689305,0.1283601813839295,0.0,0.08336972019745817,0.0,0.08051257079391158,0.05561334168425997,0.11539883346545828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611814397698593,0.0,0.08594929937160739,0.06693826242168473,0.0,0.07450160739304333,0.05255668006970796,0.0,0.07910057678188498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352611760261511,0.07950059522519627,0.0,0.06284607131673953,0.0,0.11575957350244136,0.058381511593327724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388810518012504,0.0,0.07554901174635839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837803184281617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375622739111784,0.1374979235558931,0.0,0.08642813650373582,0.07443067044571658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533941553839431,0.0,0.07915110877013368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616420951192479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287841847936887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250733776746621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523531964317412,0.0,0.21382544276135984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715227683780487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298876734142072,0.07104670772664293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UndeterminedDior,2018/02/14,"I don’t think I am depressed or want to die, but I fear I am going to accidentally kill myself I am not depressed, or sad or hopeless or anything, I am actually quite happy and content with my life and really excited about the future.

During my teen years, of course with teenage angst and everything I was suicidal and tried to maybe like twice but never fully committed. I was just a emotional moody teenager. I never really took them seriously anyway, and now looking back, I don’t even think my mental health was bad but I was just dramatic. 

The issue is, I am just so nonchalant about death. I don’t think myself dying or even my family dying to be a big deal. We all die, so what? I study evolutionary biology, so like, obviously we are all going to die in this thing called evolution and I really just don’t understand why people think death is such a big deal. I never quite understood why my family was so sad when my grandma died, my dog, or like my roommate when her friend from home ODed. We all die, like, okay? I just feel like, for example my best friends from home, I don’t talk to them much now and if they died, how will that impact my life? Pretty much no change. So um, yeah. 

Anyway after that back story on my mentality, I sometimes think about how I am going to die. I had a few near death experiences in the past, and just when you think you are going to die, you suddenly feel a weird sense of happiness content and relief like your brain is telling you, it’s okay. You’ve lived a good life. People have loved you. These experiences and actualization is actually why I feel so okay with death. I live every day to the fullest. I live everyday like there is no tomorrow, and I finish all my texts to loved ones with “I love you”, in case you know, something happens. 

You might think my mind set is very healthy and good, which I think it is, but mixed in with my nonchalant attitude and perhaps lack of innate fear for anything, I find myself doing really reckless things all the time, and thinking about death. Every time I see my subway car coming I step closer to the edge and think about jumping. Every time I smoke on my 32nd floor balcony, I think of jumping. When I go out with friends, I take enough to knock me out and take some more. When I can’t sleep at 4 am, I, a girl, go for a solo run in my urban downtown core. I feel like doing things to kill myself all the time, because hey wouldn’t that be a way to go. And I feel fine. 

I post this because I am scared. I think I might just accidentally jump next time when I go for a smoke and I am high. The thing is I am not even worried about that possibility, because I love my life and feel like I lived a good life. 

I don’t fear death and am content with how I lived so, why do I wait to die? 
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suicidewatch,maxluan,2018/02/14,"I don't feel like living but suicide is too much work. I don't have the will to live. I don't have the reason to get up and leave home. I always think it is better when I finally die. But I wouldn't kill myself. Suicide is too much work. I cannot figure out a way to die yet not cause trouble to others. 

What if my mother gets troubled and live a miserable life after I die ? What about my girlfriend ? She sure can find someone else, but I do think my death might affect her in some way. How would other people see me as I kill myself? It would be terrible in case I come back as a ghost. That would be embarrassing. 

I am depressed and don't want to live. But I would keep on living hard, so that I can have a decent death in the end. ",0.1676470588235297,2.192902407643313,2.1417010116148383,96.15671787186213,85.43312101910828,4.7132259273136015,16.24166354439865,5.900188976854957,-0.6576104158861003,566,11,131,4,17,188,88,157,0.315,0.56,0.125,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,4,17.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,2,2,7,0,24,1,0,4,1,30,33,13,10,7,6,1,2,1,1,7,1,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,0,3,22,3,15,24,3,15,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,3,7,95,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603080852447814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874357575437399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020712374070624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185584083440138,0.0,0.09941595474621738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940292267391998,0.0,0.3593337358073119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641069088770986,0.0,0.10221947628257234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835503301526011,0.08244930759786999,0.0,0.12642659731511946,0.10548313602012556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059447984952965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338516833135362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576617426528762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258218422865112,0.255369309807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222030901296197,0.0,0.0,0.08151787231808609,0.05638375665022456,0.0,0.5095480738224698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243233698511073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968004163358674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001113181047317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866124917939665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196725228406563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778696980794896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524807817019008,0.0,0.10877306121169034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790081852071066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807212235116261,0.1832150178269004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804048462969007,0.0,0.0,0.3279373244685464,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hutch1399,2018/02/14,"Nothing special If the feeling of not actively seeking death, but rather wanting it to seek you, is not considered suicidal then I'm sorry and feel free to remove this.

I knew I needed to make a post here, since I saw on my other account everyone seems so nice to the people who're really hurt. But I'm not really sure what to say. I don't like talking about myself because I don't want to seem self-absorbed if I happen to say something I like about myself, but I feel like my problems are inferior to everyone else's and so even mentioning them is unfair to those whose lives are almost unbearable.

I had a good day today. Celebrated my friend's 19th at an arcade, and while I was there I met a really lovely lady. We spoke a lot and I'd never met someone so friendly to me. After that my friends and I ate some dinner together, then I went home. 

Life with dad (divorced parents) isn't so great. He wanted an athletic and driven son, not some tech-head. So I understand his disconnectedness from me, but I don't mind all that much. I understand he didn't really get what he wanted so I guess anyone would be annoyed.

My depression kicked in, once I got into bed. And things have just been spiralling out of control in my head since then and I guess I came here since I didn't want to do the other option that came to mind.

I don't really know how to ask for it but I guess I just want someone to help a little bit, if it's not too much trouble.",3.112823149236192,4.505827750000004,4.7771034077555825,83.73522914218567,73.86486486486487,7.8505287896592275,25.031727379553466,8.456263369488248,1.6097304935370147,1138,36,231,20,23,385,165,296,0.156,0.6940000000000001,0.15,0.6391,1,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,1,1,1,2,17,19,1,0,10,0,18,5,1,3,3,64,54,27,2,13,16,3,3,3,3,1,1,3,2,0,14,14,2,1,9,0,2,5,13,6,0,0,16,7,38,14,28,36,7,21,0,3,1,1,25,7,0,13,11,155,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298883653441678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649319380948882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681432840060845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660839613188584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138229679531004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124209656697379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415370159324427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598889243408757,0.0,0.0799827280382868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775750839293802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061335106710120824,0.0,0.0,0.17746906826675687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086290251149824,0.06634131441163019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152370686403127,0.0,0.0485170617988994,0.0,0.0,0.07788904174575274,0.07427098920680655,0.10238173696444272,0.3068970469065849,0.0,0.08211840541799541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906083678984528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224408202445399,0.0,0.09314911657746204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941171517070396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103505211098632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559185219599085,0.13610444902285726,0.09307307801261902,0.08199969158787772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894876448796909,0.08381244351599093,0.0,0.06198674430707581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753022686929227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652991540323245,0.0688567053055164,0.07162163658436949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910451093110315,0.0,0.0,0.09889601755564062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031133231884879,0.0,0.0,0.06437948124146667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893704227712748,0.0,0.0,0.08885730759684439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974519379324677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769669991577908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907789513760058,0.09687631589807603,0.0,0.0,0.2304515907813233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736496274851253,0.07149044049969322,0.0,0.10395247658136103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157700173465548,0.0,0.08752223716123321,0.0,0.0,0.07463972654817956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169402172921501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802322422741607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933472246313534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286378651176523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608489068336299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596717966385525,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrauAja,2018/02/14,"My friend wants to kill herself. I (15/f) broke up with my boyfriend (17) of six months two weeks ago. I do know now that i was with him only because i liked the affection, love and care he gave me, that does not matter now anyway. I am feeling really sad and it is not depresssion but still hard to cope with. My best friend (17/f) has diagnosed depression and tried to kill herself two days ago but I'm glad she told me before so I alarmed her parents. I told the school psychologist about it and she pulled some strings so my friend would get a place in a mental health facility. I do not know how to cope with this. I feel extremely lonely at the moment. Has anyone any similar experience and how did you manage to still live your life normally?",4.5122818791946315,5.298793550335571,5.1095906040268435,84.96787583892619,69.8724832214765,8.913020134228189,26.980536912751678,9.120678840339163,1.8903068456375824,585,18,124,11,10,188,99,149,0.165,0.6609999999999999,0.174,0.1287,1,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,1,10,15,2,1,5,0,9,4,0,3,0,26,21,11,2,3,5,1,3,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,3,5,3,23,8,14,15,2,15,0,4,0,1,17,4,0,1,11,80,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25803826979832306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897733551807948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177024188473886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872444495080732,0.0,0.12385025807992185,0.0,0.15274319032751574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839544317312506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386613884034936,0.0,0.12535990481544776,0.14772771513985264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736965531878955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237344735996926,0.0,0.0,0.1471864445735182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33734906397028097,0.0,0.07604259567295328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038203015280056,0.0,0.0,0.15471025592076024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220536329225152,0.0,0.15997827110428478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280454980258084,0.07110718856824919,0.0,0.12852116681281192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136236033966325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667771278143038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617467810618705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260571142845951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106954821194539,0.0,0.0,0.16161334699568747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520662276341883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324149736061774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730190660946807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324689474971553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781538721079534,0.0,0.09881724292086848,0.0,0.2843576450360182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584772508672092,0.0,0.11674947767879433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339281450422468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Akycha96,2018/02/14,"I dont know what to do I want to kill myself.  I have for a long time.

I really want to do it but I'm afraid to because I love my friends and I don't want to hurt them but I'm so tired of this constant agony in my heart. I'm so tired of being alone.  I do my best to make everyone laugh and smile but even that leaves me feeling hollow and I have nothing else now and I just want a fucking hug but I get shit on when I show my feelings like that and I don't know what else to do.  I don't think I could go through with killing myself because I'm too weak but I'm worried about how painful this keeps getting
",-0.4259937888198735,1.2657749927536237,1.5079089026915111,101.80826086956525,85.30434782608695,4.522567287784679,20.002070393374744,5.288315135182226,-0.5452190476190477,471,14,123,2,14,155,75,138,0.236,0.52,0.245,-0.3443,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,1,9,14,4,1,2,0,12,9,2,2,0,25,33,14,2,5,6,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,2,22,6,15,31,1,8,0,1,0,3,3,2,2,0,6,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547398694088058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301756174929887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575365519787152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622211101007522,0.0,0.11985470446569126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593379695163452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508038327066344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914961778431697,0.0,0.0,0.1434414255635778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180542534432906,0.10724226825445388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597856558486755,0.13877900502939255,0.15685790378139816,0.0,0.08531387934144563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788713422366673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607013355180525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342921171433844,0.3321602670079377,0.0,0.16499868286923616,0.0,0.0,0.15895023202769076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333866265280123,0.0,0.0,0.13284715305669162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354847523043265,0.0,0.10020300502267836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403950160927284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973306641751372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616758667949643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409100848481594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618770440263293,0.0,0.0,0.08753333083519271,0.3450704840687475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541671370456472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244918619147682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zerosevenand_,2018/02/14,"My body is my prison 
I am tired of the maintenance. I am tired of the work that it requires. It is an assault that never lets up. I am a slave in chains crawling along the edge of a precipice. I am at the mercy of hormones and brain chemicals. I could go practically forever without food, but my body won't allow that. I have no free will because I am separate from my body. I am not this fragile blood bag. What I am, is trapped. This is a trap. I need control. I need a break from my body because it is that upsetting. A break from the pain and uncomfortable sensations. A break from constantly being ""on"". A break from the weight. I'm too tall to not feel heavy, even though I'm skinny. The heaviness is exhausting to the extreme. Nobody can tell it's a battle just to keep myself upright. Literally upright. This is where I'm at. I'm tired of wanting what I can't have. I want a way out of this situation. This is unreal. This life has been a series of blows, one after another. There's nothing left to hit. Nothing but shreds. There's zero energy left. I can barely (unwillingly) fight for scraps like everyone else. I wouldn't lift a finger to prevent dying. Stay alive for what. Suck air for what. I went. Let me go like I'm not already gone. I've learned that it gets worse and I won't allow myself to be around for experiencing that. Most people are clueless. Moving from one task the next. They have a sense of identity with their body. Like it's theirs. I am not one of those people. When I look in the mirror and see the reflection staring back I feel cheated. I feel shortchanged. I can't ""relate"" to this body. It's only familiar because it's what I'm used to. I don't care what happens to my body because it's not ""mine"". I claim no ownership. Lately I've been feeding myself only because I absolutely have to. I am forced to do something I don't want to do and have no control over which is unacceptable. I cannot accept such an unwarranted prolonging of suffering. I hate eating and would never do it if I didn't have to. Food slows me down in different ways. I wish humans didn't need food to live. Again, no control. I don't want to put things inside my body. I don't want to worry about my next ""meal"". Being in a body in this world makes me crazy. It makes me crazy just being here. Not even the struggling part. It's the control aspect. I feel powerless and I can't live like that. I feel completely compromised. How could I, for even one second, think I'm free. There's nothing to back that up. Actual nothing.",0.6360066417600656,3.0916918786692804,2.5547900729407607,90.53612628239344,89.1174168297456,5.68013995137283,20.658275514439897,7.1686216300943375,0.7206487932159167,1974,66,410,33,66,655,221,511,0.21,0.715,0.076,-0.9968,2,1,1,0,1,0,80.0,0,0,3,6,20,19,6,2,28,0,56,26,13,10,2,62,94,13,1,14,12,0,8,4,0,5,6,0,0,1,37,11,8,7,10,0,2,6,26,11,0,6,6,12,56,10,57,74,2,45,0,1,3,0,6,20,1,2,16,282,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.05864760275828095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632034306689769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301866354738503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350053075107627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924242881200158,0.0,0.18317786392924287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008043613221382,0.0,0.06708995742592277,0.0,0.0,0.06127456827114036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301228002601654,0.06494527879939947,0.2696229376818938,0.09596774664048922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062372899384888214,0.06279028686908716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149591178660206,0.050204701561263665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908375363459872,0.0,0.0,0.05742682545338267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193838930897496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801454008899426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03139905862635644,0.0,0.06831088353232546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314502837599773,0.0,0.0,0.059334964185024874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341843209795436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779388299826022,0.0,0.1305946951907225,0.12290986126499592,0.04244944636280392,0.11744463811899895,0.0,0.1061363993632989,0.0,0.050467720898591036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023261699656313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638753426682661,0.0,0.13368713890798944,0.09270355139598446,0.0,0.12783116969249295,0.0,0.0,0.2306650616391608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289757379213254,0.0914154468816421,0.06394918963090193,0.0,0.0,0.0650809699414238,0.0,0.08332965892345455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604157319905341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789083463480857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755338876231512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626686879304871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405715326222135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282814675392714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252885982335367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399268655880409,0.03850878147500887,0.05904660811013046,0.0,0.0,0.20722363550005654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190592842496778,0.0,0.0,0.17723867321220502,0.0954070052485611,0.0,0.07318395216744948,0.0,0.05571204086129792,0.0,0.0,0.06911046939511535,0.05793294379304152,0.0,0.043752525282023225,0.06103308560641588,0.0612456479574754,0.042692349142374623,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DueProtection,2018/02/14,"I just lost my virginity, and I think I might've contracted something. If it's herpes or anything else incurable, I think I'll kill myself. I'm 20, and I just lost my virginity. I've heard the whole lesson about using protection, but in the moment of heat, the person I was with assured me that they were clean, so I decided to try without. About a week later, I'm having symptoms that are loosely resembling herpes. If it is, i'm going to end it all. 
I normally think of myself as at least a somewhat smart person, so I'm upset with myself for having done this, and also just distraught because it seems like I can't catch a fucking break. One moment I'm a virgin, and the next I have a god damn STD. But having a reminder of this stupid decision that i will have to carry around, and that will scare others away for the rest of my life is something that I don't think I can handle, especially after my first time. 
I'm getting tested in two days, and I'm praying to God that it's something curable, but if it isn't, I might just end it all.",7.251635514018693,5.264455191588785,8.029831775700938,75.6083925233645,64.8411214953271,10.429158878504673,33.549532710280374,8.841846274778883,2.6770986915887853,817,26,164,10,10,277,113,214,0.132,0.767,0.101,-0.818,0,0,3,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,4,10,12,4,3,11,0,18,7,0,1,3,36,37,17,1,4,12,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,2,16,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,9,0,3,6,1,23,3,22,28,6,19,1,2,0,5,4,5,2,7,12,119,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566676914989375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902455741566262,0.12875827665575415,0.0,0.0,0.13589194226577414,0.0,0.0,0.08816983962551464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327939343445378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801465169570682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208262939132565,0.0,0.2562122596831568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230288098031611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371528393096305,0.07556726298946699,0.0,0.08220097555085679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002025812241585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216193151608223,0.07066270649266779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31577841468722906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30687562544862185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538239049354062,0.0,0.1417143010959494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801029344207296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525842365249622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480763594801244,0.0,0.0,0.1316727898788218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340476557009298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033401960214726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707121607376148,0.0,0.0,0.08433944445394867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819954878725017,0.0,0.14129008061428627,0.0,0.0,0.12492059047622305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601969140533047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148290033707466,0.0,0.1394256449359923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RelativeRepair,2018/02/14,"i'm almost certain that this is the only way to freedom My father has an undiagnosed mental illness. I'm a 20 year old male who can't leave the house without my father screaming, cursing at me and accusing me of being a good for nothing. I can't even move out into my own house because the thought of leaving my mother alone with my father sickens me. We come from a seemingly devout Catholic family but recently thanks to my fathers actions i've lost all hope in there being a loving God who truly looks out for us. We are all alone in this world and no Longer am I going to start question God why he's let such occurrences happen in my life - God doesn't control anything, hell if he could I wouldn't be sitting here wondering if slitting my wrists would even be that painful of a way to go
But i can't 
I can't because the pain my mother and sister would endure if they found me dead in the morning would torture them for the rest of their lives
But yet I want to so fucking bad I really want to because I can't see any other fucking alternative. What am I supposed wait around till my dad's around 90 and dies  to start living my life or something? 
Maybe if I leave home my mum will have no choice but to just divorce my dad, which in my opinion would be amazing because then even she can live a happy life without an insane man going ape shit over nothing every third day. 

one day at a time i guess",7.906893594210665,5.702329188153312,7.903623693379796,77.71890913964087,63.73867595818815,10.085124631466096,36.362637362637365,7.882392219407189,2.7351117126775657,1115,41,223,9,13,362,167,287,0.133,0.6859999999999999,0.181,0.9165,0,2,1,0,1,0,11.0,3,0,3,2,11,18,5,1,15,0,26,11,2,1,3,47,51,16,2,13,12,10,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,2,9,13,0,2,5,0,0,6,11,11,0,2,3,3,36,7,33,35,4,34,1,1,2,3,26,14,4,12,11,150,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386212296385607,0.19416250706616786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637430553669864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713596794363771,0.16688815344066696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826486009679719,0.2285600911481957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074445464334994,0.0,0.0,0.1051318406642024,0.07483981841792675,0.0,0.0,0.12090271886724395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972821938114614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573337002326554,0.0,0.07897583112569903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836507271453893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277565553824357,0.0,0.17331310577956266,0.0,0.0,0.1598153848087889,0.07862052141249122,0.0,0.0,0.10325973678689404,0.0,0.08288960432456724,0.09978271476524636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402390824550542,0.09310006499282286,0.0,0.21631534912461545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977556839876463,0.0,0.09585044997778402,0.19862353565318044,0.0,0.0,0.24830932685035756,0.0,0.07871384293655237,0.0,0.10232289118094864,0.0,0.08459955164927284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416946699482699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944628941362218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962553491193474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988263695618928,0.0,0.0983591779289175,0.0,0.06351730279233465,0.07128973727855831,0.19948142610367608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050047198960141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004907989943735,0.0,0.09255206383808616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469470719946789,0.08533287852247545,0.0,0.0,0.09621769246562988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216182895716589,0.0,0.0,0.1326923163698587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629864989050337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441516762967455,0.0546576675018824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275173633720288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105747344013542,0.14880505583504025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458131243219222,0.0,0.0,0.1807145065155854,0.10165167450640247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663467899997165,0.0,0.0,0.060362305656641836
suicidewatch,Xanscape,2018/02/14,"Todays the day I Cant keep doing this anymore, I just cant. Drugs dont numb out anything anymore, I miss her like hell, everything is shit and I cant dig myself out of this hole. I dont even know why i'm posting here.",-0.28530612244897924,1.4595718979591863,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,85.12244897959185,4.736326530612245,20.004081632653055,5.6839178017228535,-0.2541951020408164,169,5,41,1,5,58,34,49,0.246,0.701,0.053,-0.8429,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,0,6,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,11,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658954853454493,0.0,0.0,0.19329443906331945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148460470315328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505786128053558,0.0,0.2723978033871069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514261604573212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110396762635736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087810061690085,0.0,0.0,0.12908938973480566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475537914832715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495967060845848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411111883200906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264823543818846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119516715440201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-ClarkCheekyKent,2018/02/14,"Ugly as sin, only one job before 25, wish I could end it I just turned 25 and I only got my first job at 24, I've been at university for ages it seems. Even when I graduate they will just look at my employment history and laugh. I feel absolutely pathetic. Everyone from high school has their career going and I'm still sitting here at university wandering aimlessly with my baby face and 0 friends. 

If it weren't for my brother and parents I would have ended things a long time ago. I wish I were never born. I can't end my life because it would break the hearts of my family, but I'm living in pain.",2.273348115299335,4.164313422764227,4.3123725055432365,84.06106430155212,77.37398373983741,8.049963045084997,23.376940133037692,8.841846274778883,1.7014292682926833,473,15,98,11,11,162,85,123,0.096,0.836,0.068,-0.6538,4,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,10,4,2,0,1,18,20,9,0,6,4,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,4,2,17,2,11,12,0,21,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,2,12,61,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830595356157566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511084516830597,0.0,0.13276502013425098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457255063582008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145731351749233,0.0,0.0,0.10305244868794143,0.0,0.0,0.14908771690649844,0.0,0.0,0.14708563873977884,0.0,0.07889047459506231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271402250620934,0.0,0.0,0.12054383512435594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867209344496535,0.0,0.1247867284296114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488931355950208,0.0,0.16484803138481016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30965969509208624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020443829535273,0.0,0.0,0.1377721416500352,0.13807642157022285,0.1310209510423515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203354069952116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572597028714197,0.2373267224502048,0.1660206463585791,0.0,0.17324630243402467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790472220251295,0.0,0.1420384837290715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460105038752235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365548133225297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097890930856542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970942086990012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588400373904793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167009277497232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maivory,2018/02/14,"Empty inside today I been empty for days now thinking the steroid shot I had after an allergic reaction messed with me and just have not bounced back in a week. I just feel bored, depressed, empty, and angry on and off for a week now. I can't see my doctor about this because I can't afford the copay so just trying to deal with it. I suffer with depression,ptsd, and anxiety already but just over a week of this numb feeling is too much.I can't find enjoyment in anything. Wev don't have family or friends really and my husband does as much as he can.",4.905357142857142,5.239410964285714,5.926785714285713,81.06821428571429,68.82142857142857,8.9,29.392857142857146,8.841846274778883,2.2357357142857137,436,15,86,7,7,145,77,112,0.21600000000000005,0.732,0.052000000000000005,-0.9111,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,10,3,0,0,0,19,14,10,0,0,7,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,3,9,2,16,12,1,14,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,1,9,62,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230326194489402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966917800475214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175764565176335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049174036692054,0.0,0.12723293747428918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460624724841905,0.21517973914466235,0.17976904718885567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363235841532133,0.18265107660332408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967613456070973,0.0,0.21106881772963934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907650433884636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125549310541762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30686441193985425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439809051321675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337104966987413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632172244993015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373846818940574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784085311867444,0.0,0.0,0.14170624676100724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022644774581979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icandrownoceans,2018/02/14,"What the fuck do I do I am a 23 yo drowning in my anxiety and depression. I dont have the money necessary to skip work and check into a hospital, but the thought of moving hurts. I have started crying at work which is totally unlike me. I have struggled with depression for years but these suicidal thoughts haven’t been this persistent since I was in high school. I’m a type-A perfectionist with a frank dark sense of humor so everyone thinks I’m just funny, but, in reality, I really do want to die. I feel like such a burden and I am so disgusted with myself. I have struggled with an ED and the first immediate thought I have when I wake up is “god youre so fucking fat.” I know it’s ridiculous and untrue and I recognize my privilege in all of thia but that almost makes me feel worse. The intrusive thoughts are getting out of hand and I am scared of what I might do to myself. Any tips?? ",1.891313689379988,4.0940259060773485,3.7824953959484375,85.85402547575202,79.99447513812154,7.779128299570289,24.97268262737876,8.680891452615391,1.9388303253529773,703,27,145,17,18,237,109,181,0.274,0.608,0.117,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,4,6,14,4,3,11,0,20,5,3,1,2,32,36,15,3,1,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,13,1,0,8,0,2,1,2,11,0,1,6,3,23,3,21,29,2,14,0,3,0,2,1,9,2,2,5,102,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498638317219529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177458405282083,0.0,0.11449022381479156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439553566558965,0.0,0.0,0.25780552896704145,0.0,0.15532444677942447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540152905534534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300745967897613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134615511999844,0.10691781884503897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273015350707554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27671828954645616,0.07819167392617869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581250198915231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602151517189808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224974896477147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311678478531225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989985211170052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876662652394435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906591421335098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587664247241394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983672828862427,0.15146488028693872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238010916436766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593079691424702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31291625795720474,0.0,0.16370479793183276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589669933164392,0.0,0.4752563358708121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827391106104275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790992086795774,0.0,0.15251730287444462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637675061706727
suicidewatch,fyuseco,2018/02/14,"I feel alone, I've lost everything. I dropped out because of anxiety, lost all my friends, and my girlfriend is starting to hate me. I had a panic attack and she said ""are you done yet?"" and told me to grow up when we got into an argument. I honestly feel so alone and mad. My mom is a drug addict who does nothing but guilt trip and manipulate me into feeling bad. Everything is about her. I told her I had depression and didn't want therapy and she called me selfish. My sister calls me fat, belittles me everyday. Throws me around and steals from me. My dad won't do anything about it, he says ""you guys are siblings this is supposed to happen"" but i don't know at this point. My dad is a narcissist and a sociopath and has never once apologized to me. He's always talking about how he's so great and how he's the best at work. He's a good man, he's a caseworker, gets people off the street. But I can't help but feel like he takes care of other families better than his own. I'm always so tired, I can never sleep, and when I do it ends up being for 3 hours in the middle of the day. Even after that I'm still tired, I get panic attacks over the littlest things and always second guess myself. I don't want to die, but I just don't want to be awake. I don't know if that makes any sense but I guess that's just how I feel. I think about suicide maybe once a day, I've only came close once. I tied a blanket into a noose and put it around my neck and just pulled to see how long i could make it. Everything kinda started going grayish blue and I stopped when I almost passed out. I sometimes just scratch things along my skin or hit my head really hard when I mess things up or get confused or mad. I don't know what to do, I have no one to talk to. Feel free not to respond to this, just needed a platform to vent. ",2.3053176675369897,3.5434554281984347,3.6845613577023535,91.38492732811142,75.65796344647521,6.777684943429071,23.21053089643168,7.3011,0.6989339251523066,1411,40,319,16,30,464,198,383,0.212,0.6809999999999999,0.107,-0.9891,0,2,1,0,0,2,43.0,1,2,0,5,25,25,5,4,16,0,27,9,5,7,3,74,66,37,2,6,16,4,9,1,2,1,5,2,0,2,16,27,1,1,10,0,1,8,12,16,0,2,11,13,52,10,40,50,3,47,0,3,2,0,35,20,0,9,19,205,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160554001064054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414430803804501,0.1740603055644282,0.0,0.0,0.20976007451110928,0.0,0.0,0.057143553935502335,0.0,0.0642830264602486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691498598424155,0.14960974403295232,0.0,0.19119342341765275,0.0,0.0,0.07016187455162637,0.05122415226582717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818472116949201,0.0743180606755974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171608868356092,0.09610839233609472,0.08567459374775037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709143726585358,0.0,0.0,0.10838531345514103,0.0,0.07237526090872058,0.0,0.0872102891369773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353556983887599,0.08599227454917813,0.0,0.0,0.09744858681335324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442599339028269,0.0,0.0,0.0555012870889356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265633172523677,0.0,0.0792163831747083,0.0,0.2549297722565586,0.060031334981107326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649216790597336,0.0,0.13170724826511224,0.0,0.04775641314423052,0.07048071323074406,0.06720678768568962,0.09264381331857688,0.18513791987146225,0.08320330783808813,0.07430780573889033,0.0,0.07527473368785446,0.08296262372824577,0.08623943379020693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056323806239607185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275301795910565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385427317603371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410530091953169,0.0,0.0,0.07436426025147487,0.0,0.0,0.1834582172872555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218188981899242,0.0,0.08441983185957239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841538959187393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062307477302050523,0.1296188505103743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062943569135944,0.0,0.0,0.2684689025609365,0.0569411741726965,0.06390890621372618,0.0,0.1971831394936006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058256099364212666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794358895959608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447376195875797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383202634789258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993215374190964,0.06682434729310896,0.0,0.0,0.0669613498282353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409108635371937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310821484850148,0.0,0.11895430009831112,0.0,0.06710678646833572,0.07025317753667316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191561957416733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318040354133889,0.13508090597995476,0.0,0.0,0.09609608641196962,0.0,0.1674781929302091,0.053843287707767966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316116824453244,0.0,0.1605892976404309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868992228540448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061175132436486035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CineKayla,2018/02/14,"I just tried. I'd been planning it all day and even though I knew there was a decent chance I'd chicken out, I still tried. I put a bag over my head but panicked and pulled it off before I passed out. The only reason I'm alive right now is because I don't have access to an instant or more certain method. After, I just broke down sobbing and gave myself a massive cut on the arm.

Honestly, I don't even know if I really want to still be alive or not. I just don't want to suffer. I don't want to go to the hospital and I can't reach out to my friends because they'd probably call the cops or something to get me taken to the hospital. I'm already planning on going to the counselor at my university as soon as they open tomorrow but right now, I just don't want to feel. I just took five times my usual dose of my antidepressant, not as another attempt but just to try and shut down. If I had any alcohol, I'd probably be downing that, too. I have absolutely no desire to be sober or conscious right now.",4.2086103047895485,4.212441740566042,5.6313207547169855,83.73457910014515,70.27358490566039,8.787227866473147,29.515239477503627,8.617729084823388,2.0069291727140777,787,28,172,12,13,267,115,212,0.084,0.755,0.161,0.9407,0,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,3,17,7,1,0,10,0,16,4,2,1,2,38,31,18,0,7,17,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,5,0,0,6,9,4,0,1,7,1,25,3,28,20,2,33,0,3,0,0,5,16,1,6,11,118,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113006958221246,0.0,0.0,0.16638132678158948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253054652173504,0.15809823001729809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381916997517456,0.0,0.12829638807030508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395569446368487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723586177391193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916777679985428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762351629477705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648654619235403,0.0,0.0787724669740686,0.0,0.17137510015993654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547361980358278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286068463081861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466936566625795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251167536064953,0.0,0.0,0.15156811895448774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658879614053437,0.1550193565036916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862769610810474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607212296915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408144057571853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813332599028162,0.0,0.08791672266581882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675139198185788,0.30709412016643944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605473136443444,0.0,0.3557183722805453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scratchaccount,2018/02/14,"I feel out of options I'm 1,500 miles away from my home state living in a house with a guy I dated for 7 years and recently broke up with. He's been particularly aggressive, jealous, and needy. He starts huge fights if he doesn't get the attention he thinks he deserves and blames me for being distant. My roommates agree that I'm still caring and involved in all my friends lives and have been offering me full support, which has been great because honestly my self worth has been pretty low. 

After months of warning I finally ended things and it's been terrible. I don't want to live with him anymore. I also just found out he's been dating a girl since 3 days after I left him. 

I have the option to move in with a friend in another state but at age 27 the idea of starting completely over is so overwhelming.  I'm so lonely and tired of putting forth effort in anything. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to uproot my life again. I don't want to live, really. 


This feels like the last straw in a string of terrible things including a physically abusive father and childhood trauma (my cousins were murdered when I was little) 
I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts most of my life but I feel so at the end of my rope right now. I can't see a clear future and I'm too apathetic to work towards one right now. Might as well end things, right?",3.8478606187000315,5.34366520072993,4.614629822732013,85.21721411192216,72.17518248175182,7.992770246784843,27.28119568995481,8.563005593585519,1.8688976711852625,1091,39,220,19,21,351,161,274,0.234,0.679,0.087,-0.9926,0,2,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,12,21,4,2,12,0,21,3,0,0,2,39,42,19,2,5,4,2,3,1,2,1,3,0,1,3,7,17,0,0,8,0,1,3,6,13,1,1,10,4,25,8,39,30,3,52,0,5,1,0,18,23,0,5,25,133,32,2,0.0,0.12836638640525208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664027033977346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136050003750689,0.0,0.0,0.10744517451644377,0.0,0.0,0.08915542387287621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101789949710153,0.0,0.0,0.06604367699654103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046088507083136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135934926739112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987099167452271,0.0,0.09331395723623773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287873945210823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643414169974068,0.07739884257310288,0.0,0.11868228597348213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187903306019329,0.16740799846304338,0.0,0.05660370858772443,0.0,0.06157269539265836,0.0,0.0,0.1194463512209602,0.0,0.10727463793614288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867487136399999,0.0,0.0,0.1250109848592689,0.0,0.12230381832037696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831238709033759,0.0,0.0,0.11771282950937535,0.0,0.15304892546131807,0.052929947282706016,0.1085861589686855,0.3826684036360009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493269564355288,0.0,0.0,0.08647676432663139,0.11514935289495105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341467547085477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022176128174403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891264379613287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940602826845227,0.0,0.10697368169183216,0.0,0.0,0.2775679038512416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633376178406041,0.0,0.11302330666428408,0.0,0.0,0.08962080695262722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336865571289324,0.0,0.08652127431589124,0.0,0.0,0.11326155195560242,0.0,0.11850748566009918,0.12294409962035725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159308683225604,0.06942054762272662,0.0,0.0860106638895428,0.0,0.12452205882894585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556093500346506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741158347813464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774709812235338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697680613886158
suicidewatch,SirBeardsAlot91,2018/02/14,"Lost sight of myself, the people I once cared about and still don't know exactly what I want (or need) Hey all, I can't really recall if I've posted here before, but I certainly feel like a regular visitor. I'm not sure where to start. My manner of explaining my feelings and thoughts is generally disorganized and incoherent at times, but I'll try my best here. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since the age of 11. I believe that a combination of antidepressants and a series of bad experiences have rendered me numb to the world around me. At first, I could hardly bear the mental anguish, but now I've reached something far worse: complacency. I sincerely believe there is little hope for me to improve myself (and I've almost accepted this). I hardly put myself out there, let alone trust people. I've turned to seeking validation, primarily through my academic achievements (graduating top of my university class, working at a great hospital, etc.).. anything to distract myself from my monotonous life. The reality of the matter is that without seeking out this validation, I'm left in a cycle of endless rumination and wondering what life could have been (will I ever achieve these ideals my mind has created?). The thought of not feeling even remotely important in this world is horrifying to me. Without my achievements, I'm a mess of a human being with a limited capacity to truly empathize with or reciprocate gestures of kindness with others. I convinced myself it's alright to fail others because others have failed me. I've burned too many bridges and missed some amazing opportunities because I was afraid to confront my fears and start anew. I feel it's getting too late now... I've lived 26 years (almost 27 now) on this Earth and I've spent the better part of them failing to understand my purpose here. I don't deserve the life I have. ",7.073572003218017,8.244083277286137,7.580017430946636,68.16291432019311,64.30973451327435,10.52941807455082,37.23799946366318,10.537671172512404,4.310220058997051,1497,74,242,37,22,493,194,339,0.18600000000000005,0.63,0.184,-0.4073,1,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,1,15,16,32,1,4,17,1,19,4,0,0,5,55,43,16,0,7,10,0,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,14,16,0,1,11,0,1,1,7,15,0,1,6,7,35,17,41,32,5,30,0,7,1,0,4,16,0,8,13,164,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755301251600996,0.1176786279849568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869208902286185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350162410918494,0.101148101250814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487002918114372,0.13852642482243158,0.0,0.09668436626827796,0.2560272637846312,0.11923978833440108,0.10048985478277107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158456962684345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143661787522355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786288006531108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671910581702464,0.07504657991775822,0.1027780429314237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114459303383753,0.0,0.12785688485335,0.22980377009288844,0.08117192617551937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664722792157032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936305895535541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252691911262808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356685813218592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285276523476374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832033370345113,0.06244394641645103,0.0,0.1281711124250093,0.0,0.1234511626943501,0.1161866893414437,0.24076476467438676,0.055510207006622736,0.11387957993253485,0.10033073614862993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403236471935948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519536630355423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450474085247092,0.0,0.11472631998714222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424963311804733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210042385695033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304207911066176,0.0,0.15754304975405908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881893272712202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422198043143066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278947353019781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398969395282902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747214024868855,0.0,0.0,0.16084515976330493,0.0,0.0907390635040582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070878476945351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040712308986376,0.06625418488531913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714220911850905,0.12358863644935135,0.0,0.11828501427209002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701748566584981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190560423335015,0.12321873845819567,0.08271852250953338,0.0,0.1157910195246018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316915525057045
suicidewatch,Brynae,2018/02/14,"Abusive ex brought court case against me My abusive ex brought a court case against me, and my lawyer advised me it will be very, very difficult for me to win.

From doing this my abusive ex has silenced me from ever being able to speak out about my abuse again.

A world that lets an abuser do this to their victim is not one I want to live in any more.",5.625,5.0948870555555565,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,67.33333333333333,7.755555555555558,31.88888888888889,5.985473137389443,1.4343222222222218,276,10,61,1,4,84,50,72,0.29600000000000004,0.662,0.042,-0.9719,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,11,1,12,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,44,15,2,0.1529756084068752,0.9062554060277218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402865947380913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837519582288252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642792401059766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350802648663385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366023129636183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524417956748494,0.0902289772997211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Keahman23,2018/02/14,"Losing hope I’ve lost grasps on everything. I’ve been depressed and these feelings of anxiety are brining me down to my last thread. I’m in my bed and I just can’t stop thinking. This usually normal but thoughts tonight are so bad that I can’t stop thinking of killing myself. I just want hopeless feeling to stop. I’m a college student, it’s hard to get access to my car but I really feel as if Im having a crisis and i don’t know if i should check myself into the ER. I was in there January for a major panic attack and in there last Saturday for depression and an acute anxiety attack and I’m afraid if I go now so soon they’ll know I have completely lost it, but I just don’t know what else to do.

I have no friends, and my parents are so unsupportive. I called my parents after my first breakdown in January and they told me to never tell anyone and to never go back, that I’ll just be labeled as crazy. I do know that they won’t and that they’ll help but I’m scared that if the ER somehow gets my parents are involved they’ll take matters into there own hands by any means necessary. I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist next week for what is usually a ADHD med refil (last time I saw her I told her about these other problem, and she just told me to see the my school psy/counselors), and I saw a school psychiatrist yesterday which was just a screening. The earliest they can have me see a therapist is next week. All this help seems so distant and I just don’t know how much longer I can wait. I feel as if my mental has reached such a low point that I don’t want to have to go through this.

Before it was not this bad, it was just anxiety that I could cope with but now it seems as if my life has fallen apart. I need help and I don’t know what to do or where to go. I missed all my classes Monday because i was just stuck in bed thinking and I’m afraid that if I go to the ER now I’ll miss them all again. My grades and my family are the only few things keeping me going and I’m so afraid to fall off in this way too.

I don’t think I would kill myself but I don’t think anyone does at first. suicidal thoughts would never cross my mind but now i can’t stop thinking how hard it is to go through this every second of my day. I love my parents and my siblings and want to think how hard it’d be on them if they lost me, but I wonder if that sadness is even close to what I feel now.

One thing I hated about Saturday was how the doctors treated me. They ran a test and found my heart was under-stress or something and kept asking me if I had done any drugs or if I was having chest pains. It just made me feel as if they were more focused on making sure my heart was fine and barely even addressed the issues I had come in for. They did talk to me about my feelings, but they were more focused on my heart than anything else. I understand why they need to check my heart, but I just feel as if they don’t really know what to do for people like me or these situations. They only spoke with me for about 30 minutes of the 5 hour visit, and the doctor there made me feel so uncomfortable with the questions he was asking. The doctor ended by prescribing me 10 pills of Atarax to help my anxiety until I could see a psychiatrist, but I feel as if that has done nothing and if anything has made my anxiety worse.

I don’t know how or even if I’m going to make it at this point guys. My mind has never been plagued this bad. I tried taking melatonin hours ago to sleep to sleep and I’ve tried therapeutic things to get through this night but I just feel so bad.

I feel as if I’ve lost my mind and I don’t know what else to do. Please help in anyway way you guys can, at this point I’m willing to do anything to get better. ",3.6045555771661952,4.011819662452595,4.633776864728193,88.93410009238553,71.71807838179521,7.702820188660897,25.704585237771077,7.61054688173877,1.0712769425265,2927,83,663,32,52,958,279,791,0.18600000000000005,0.742,0.07200000000000001,-0.9986,4,0,2,0,0,3,50.0,0,1,16,8,48,36,5,5,24,0,75,16,8,10,8,161,170,81,3,30,47,4,16,1,1,8,7,1,3,2,43,33,0,7,38,0,2,15,20,28,3,4,38,24,111,8,82,119,9,84,0,12,7,1,46,26,0,28,42,453,154,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056952543994650114,0.0,0.04200761834343917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445248820407383,0.0,0.18126283365783252,0.0,0.0,0.06627118501693474,0.0,0.11699168722084832,0.0,0.08860490828334885,0.10782398904897957,0.0,0.03643932786667111,0.1582718287706952,0.02888798335332207,0.0,0.04032467259390693,0.0,0.0,0.04191184831144749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838961615827896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082155287727405,0.04968661762399335,0.0,0.0,0.07567275346319029,0.0,0.0,0.030562078554157882,0.0,0.08163240345973541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455143959451498,0.0414705607299951,0.09699109837092176,0.0,0.0,0.05495636392497067,0.0,0.1187626511072736,0.0,0.041972717224395564,0.0,0.0,0.09390025134194753,0.0,0.03992739910826691,0.0,0.04259030846292222,0.0,0.04467426901641478,0.0,0.28753651125336904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061836620476896,0.0,0.05195975222796862,0.036612736394633576,0.0,0.09903549080128393,0.0,0.21545874856306904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384540945820602,0.0,0.0,0.1273540990438904,0.04678697034891351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462546317878213,0.15881972712811238,0.0,0.0,0.04706811437106133,0.09333752534679272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051188409347208114,0.04946195599810728,0.0,0.04212165007564321,0.10485813680661253,0.0,0.2343945161676999,0.11588543601038848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03347235505377711,0.023151942858588997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053016332336296594,0.20692340205149512,0.0,0.042770554167448266,0.1345222663778275,0.06326524544159642,0.0,0.0,0.051620672244159733,0.05263865772674317,0.0,0.04775711279436706,0.0,0.14354858401455525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03483647473609899,0.07027690210463115,0.14619772237083675,0.0,0.10079778808696167,0.04447150298720417,0.04643130109315498,0.04547116336747308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032112111550098424,0.0720831614450274,0.050425392181380674,0.05560095188775825,0.2104801525791276,0.0,0.0,0.032853666761129684,0.0,0.0,0.052019051257769344,0.134394180565209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534501236703994,0.0,0.0,0.05308668867146185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071740037564111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744480192396276,0.09592069081764812,0.15105205443835182,0.08628259682133173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326738526605111,0.09484673909848597,0.0,0.0,0.03648247956478536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847779091905465,0.05428410625948326,0.0,0.0,0.05183603379884948,0.0,0.04466370897116923,0.0,0.07126147979128088,0.03808960022461763,0.04142020208108181,0.0,0.0,0.05502245064673938,0.09444972801706973,0.2125553574108544,0.0,0.07524337649399576,0.02763299193649724,0.0,0.0,0.1358470785290078,0.0,0.06434823841618761,0.0,0.0,0.049333771915642234,0.0,0.0,0.10438489774584443,0.0,0.08385403778859697,0.07523059610727212,0.07602542838253888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042761333061580566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513915069989059,0.0,0.0,0.04829358801078705,0.06732777885299086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puppies6uui,2018/02/14,"Consequences I'm an RA on campus and we're trained to deal with ideation. We have no training for an actual suicide because there isn't really any. Today, I got the news that a student who lives directly below me committed suicide. He was at our hall event the night before, playing Mario Kart with drunk goggles on and racing another RA down the hall. None of us saw any sign that he had this planned. None of us had any idea that he was depressed. This wasn't an outgoing student. He was active in theater, chorus, and band, but he didn't have a ton of friends. Despite that, at least 500 people showed up to the vigil for him tonight, and we attend a very small private school. 

My point is, even if you don't feel like people care, they do. It might be hard to see sometimes and I know what it's like to feel alone, but please always reach out before you get to that point. Reach out to family, friends, strangers on reddit, me if you need to. 

I've been suicidal before, but I hadn't been directly affected by the consequences of it until now. Please don't be afraid to get help if you need it and always tell your loved ones how much they matter to you. You never know what's going on in someone else's head. ",4.188787218591141,5.188966547325106,4.601166787702738,87.53387799564274,70.76954732510288,7.692955700798838,26.639796659404503,7.928766900206844,1.4207789397240371,953,30,197,12,17,301,140,243,0.106,0.754,0.141,0.8497,1,1,0,0,0,2,29.0,5,7,2,1,4,9,0,1,11,0,20,3,1,2,2,33,35,14,3,5,6,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,14,12,1,0,5,5,0,2,10,2,0,1,12,5,21,7,32,20,5,27,0,1,2,1,28,18,0,4,9,122,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.1135142885496226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047535614573195,0.0,0.0,0.19357980250913406,0.0,0.0,0.2373105110721838,0.12197461484338985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090930890276362,0.0,0.2969464462498031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859886331844426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992371547429136,0.10018867088442401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971727864659956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683012283476683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965879836419333,0.0,0.11763262165629508,0.08310104292073209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974143802488524,0.0,0.12154774052023723,0.0,0.06610893693581674,0.0,0.09303398216599183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420239491608396,0.0,0.119380768245701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796873151745888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313143002882971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785595502742642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365890431185308,0.0,0.10271517757170673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498588289490976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234001253268022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551065396059541,0.17250378813630474,0.08971532669553738,0.0,0.0,0.10916108279767456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882335051138402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128718827203964,0.0,0.0,0.2553750415424325,0.2199253197630192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451937448091188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772489986866655,0.09269422390585816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985599444295228,0.0,0.1150462392909349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817148419099341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167126823148642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102604282025105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798440501521752,0.0,0.0,0.09597850542756904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seenates,2018/02/14,"I feel empty Sorry in advance if this thread is a mess I’m not really sure what to write.

First some information about me, I have a girlfriend of 4 months that I have known for 4 years and love dearly, I have probably 6ish good friends, my family is fairly well off and I’m 17 years old.

Now, for about a year I have felt empty, I go through days not paying attention to anything around me, I ignore and push away the people that care about me, I go to school get home and sit in my room not interacting with anyone else. 
Since I’ve started dating my girlfriend life was good, I felt happy again and thought I’d shaken the whole suicide depression thing, I was talking to my friends and classmates more and being a lot more sociable in general.
I’ve always had times when I’m feeling good but slip back into a deep depression, and over the last month that’s happened again.
I don’t see the point in living, I don’t see a future for myself, I feel that I’m just a burden to everyone around me. 
I don’t know why I feel this way and I don’t know what I have to be depressed about since I have a fairly good life, I don’t know what I’m trying to get out of posting this thread, maybe I just want to know it gets better, or maybe I want to seek help, maybe I just want to rant before I finally decide to end it.

Thanks for reading.",4.9100045126353775,4.566158310469317,5.645629512635381,85.42165726534297,68.78339350180505,8.657851985559567,27.05979241877257,8.07648339933343,1.430588628158845,1040,27,228,12,16,340,142,277,0.116,0.725,0.158,0.818,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,16,20,0,0,12,0,18,3,0,0,1,47,49,13,1,4,9,0,6,0,4,0,2,0,2,0,13,14,0,1,15,1,1,4,8,6,1,1,6,8,32,14,34,41,5,41,0,3,2,1,10,14,0,4,20,139,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230118409616118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916028990693479,0.10134515675390343,0.08139464135458682,0.17610204108098906,0.0,0.0,0.09292935965368596,0.0760558145634133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416526869963688,0.0,0.0,0.08747800658806612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008455092633558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378887633966253,0.0,0.2555735507505627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262675428339178,0.0,0.08760505159758973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451290513542183,0.0,0.0,0.09324370450795808,0.0,0.2000478133599088,0.0,0.18993854675866845,0.10835125539561237,0.0,0.0841329391819459,0.0,0.0,0.1528355023494439,0.0,0.15502944273160604,0.0,0.11242585680186208,0.3318446278216781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746593574804869,0.10529171407609413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629740131137661,0.0,0.09921496410068352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743376852564375,0.08062498905994575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397263549034484,0.0,0.0,0.0873394913025602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408988858153472,0.08927028918964088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981056774265353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789830639821992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378958383339468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857185719932223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935020802512147,0.0,0.09472860055960174,0.0,0.10664189123956233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893693544803077,0.0,0.06336438697001888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010237154091624,0.15763719742335922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363902773249014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072183624651064,0.07000912667178667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081916710630118,0.0,0.09322166368311313,0.0,0.0,0.07950024715268471,0.0,0.09106319457033464,0.0,0.0,0.06571152122522503,0.0,0.0,0.07852362577448421,0.05767531493018518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715351208412626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501934096529215,0.07851028822437547,0.0,0.0,0.08893212052124337,0.0,0.08925104298618426,0.11042967134868807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108471772266994
suicidewatch,hifi12,2018/02/14,"How can I help a friend out? Hi, so my friend that has have tried to end their life and they mean a lot to me so i want to try to help them out with their situation, so what is some good tips or anything that helped/helping for anyone with suicidal thoughts? or What helped you that someone did for you when you were going through this time?",2.3686190476190454,4.0905751000000015,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,76.57142857142857,5.80952380952381,21.666666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.017476190476190645,267,7,63,2,6,80,50,70,0.057,0.73,0.214,0.8881,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,4,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,13,10,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,11,3,11,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,4,3,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515005698481056,0.0,0.17830079319210035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919051417578965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347971173938136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313844688956214,0.1817323578446121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809168291016643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304029537149516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842049253366244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360169433799635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435459459511138,0.0,0.0,0.1835836279496672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23700160657107844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201162787752985,0.12634190935072775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29420915851385504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779746839485565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loratail,2018/02/14,"Every night I go to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up I'm one month into recovery from anorexia which I've had for 8 years. I still hate myself for a variety of reasons but now I can add my disgusting bloated meal plan body to the list. I have endless mood swings and I can't stay focused on anything. Nothing is enjoyable any more, my hobbies just frustrate me. I pretty much have 3 moods: sad, angry, or numb.  

My husband is at his limit. I want him to just lower his expectations of me already because I can't meet them. He tells me to give up on my biggest time sink hobby, cosplay. I want to keep working on cosplay because maybe it's just the depression making it all suck but I just get a ""Ok then"" in a 'tired-of-your-shit' tone of voice.  

I despise my job and my shitty coworkers and the entire shitty company. I regret going back to school for programming because I fucking hate it, but I make too much money so I can't quit. I can't get another job because I fail every interview because hey, I fucking hate programming and can't bring myself to study enough.  

I feel completely trapped. I'm a burden on my husband and he would have been so much better off if he'd never met me. I have no actual friends, just acquaintances, no one I can turn to for help. I wish I could just die in my sleep or get hit by a car on my way to work. I don't know what to do any more. ",2.3992311212814634,3.82478749824562,4.189275362318842,87.09782608695654,75.77192982456141,7.061784897025173,26.777269260106788,7.7425588080867325,1.4995278413424873,1067,41,225,15,23,361,161,285,0.28300000000000003,0.634,0.083,-0.9971,3,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,7,12,21,9,0,8,1,21,7,3,3,2,37,48,14,1,10,12,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,5,7,1,2,3,0,1,4,10,15,0,2,3,2,45,4,31,40,7,28,0,4,0,2,17,13,3,3,9,145,50,9,0.0,0.0,0.10803612323827598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217025794406257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505719849457545,0.11608815673809307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110416607046556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512847338959703,0.0,0.33743623526350425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097913212799768,0.0,0.12297286574414865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607639750380515,0.0,0.0,0.08839221737403066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535359586046308,0.0,0.11489857944317937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439210700930852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865544032502721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597785341598409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553358523227961,0.2046975800273442,0.17352282486144338,0.10620226806323438,0.1258370791766383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327906983485028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420598406226142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972342173979087,0.0984033454379378,0.0,0.0,0.060842832609800286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779838373438334,0.0,0.11122218322498632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883669568963463,0.0,0.24415180681242546,0.0,0.08538569210169702,0.0,0.0,0.10389300188229414,0.0,0.10622837871448297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150038718802859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263096745195553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775276796533027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113827405615293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204353172565644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364131243819757,0.0,0.0,0.11078906470199287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118001182975093,0.08841243977643566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676464350694466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455537345112815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041972283129625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130598205151965,0.0878757399455087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25462003005984873,0.0,0.0,0.16119510401256842,0.0,0.0,0.07864457669799366,0.0,0.0,0.07129303832625966
suicidewatch,voltvace,2018/02/14,"I want to die because... if I believe in a world, and if I believe that anything can happen in said world, then anything can happen in that world and I can create anything from nothing. My sole purpose in life is to die. My hatred for my own existence is like a booming tornado that's ready to explode into the fire that is my rage itself. It took me five minutes to write those two sentences because I literally was diagnosed with autism. The symptoms of my mind being completely blank all the time only seem to progress further into chaos as time drifts by.
Back to the topic at hand, I believe in a world. I believe there is a higher power, let's say that. I could go on and on, about the countless amount of times I've begged this, ""higher power,"" to mercilessly slaughter me right where I stood. I wanted something, anything to kill me, be it quick or slow, sudden or expected. ""Why?"" you ask. Why would some autistic person with bipolar depression, tourette's, and ADHD want to die? Note that I didn't say kill myself because I never said that. I don't want to kill myself because I'm too afraid, afraid of what might happen if I do so. I might never go to the world I want to see.
I want to die because I believe in a world where anything can happen basically. There's a wondrous world out there, one where time doesn't limit you, you don't feel pain (physical or mental), and impossible is but a word. I would be in control in that world because I created it. All my stupid iconic characters I draw would be there too, except actually real and I would be able to interact with them on a personal level. Heck, I could go to the past, stop myself from abandoning all those friends that I had SUCH great memories with, memories that I STILL cry about from all those years ago. 
I still hold onto those memories.
I don't know what to do anymore, honestly. I beg that higher power to kill me, but they don't answer. Ever. I'm starting to believe that there is no higher power, but I stopped begging a long time ago anyways. I used to have an imaginary friend that I talked to, who lived inside my head (and who was also myself at the same time, hard to explain), but I abandoned her too. I do everything wrong. Where do I even begin to start? Nothing's working anymore. I feel so alone. I don't want to feel alone.
;( Great, now I'm crying.
I probably started crying because that's the worst of my problems, being alone that is. I want to be held in someone's arms as I fall asleep... I've felt it before, love.
But it was fake.
I loved another all along, and that person STILL doesn't like me back. By the way, I'm completely obsessed with him AND he's my first crush. It's been months since I first starting genuinely liking him and now I think it's gotten to the point where I love him. I can't take it anymore. I'm all over the place, jeez.
Anyways, my questions are these:
Am I relatable at ALL?
Have you had any similar experiences/know anyone with any?
And finally:
Can I please have advice? I'm really at a loss here. It hurts. Sadness hurts. Also, I wasn't sure where to post because I don't really want to kill myself but I do want to die so... yeah.",2.8147418006241547,4.655031198728139,4.0732865218159375,86.6057703291527,75.64546899841017,6.757828416651948,25.47962668550904,7.594959193182576,1.3291204498616267,2460,87,491,33,54,806,262,629,0.194,0.69,0.116,-0.9961,4,3,1,0,0,10,103.0,0,4,2,11,35,34,7,3,23,1,55,12,4,2,11,90,104,31,11,21,13,0,7,3,2,6,5,5,0,3,36,21,0,8,10,0,0,6,14,22,0,5,15,13,79,12,71,73,12,84,0,7,1,3,31,40,2,11,39,340,115,1,0.05122370863189544,0.0,0.0499869505159266,0.0,0.061560943500342885,0.05005521523416316,0.09081345408090452,0.0,0.0,0.15915694164121233,0.0,0.08192716257262117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966775681100777,0.05371252477797436,0.0,0.0,0.15240046422520245,0.035816808085969966,0.0,0.21076373830608186,0.0,0.04788725287843757,0.0,0.0,0.07877574017418189,0.0,0.249803978725833,0.0,0.04358760324133227,0.3462694711731243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107414167857405,0.0,0.05745174487102361,0.08179592646292383,0.0,0.16880051595624596,0.0,0.0,0.04411890518581602,0.051990986010777916,0.2658106118964124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033832776449065106,0.0463347770702133,0.0,0.0,0.04603656639454808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770073855356277,0.0,0.04918279323682475,0.056113069011144136,0.0,0.08714172078929316,0.0,0.0,0.07915062044619846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733484219900453,0.0,0.0,0.11294863920448385,0.0,0.0,0.18118782549715806,0.0,0.045886381572433764,0.0,0.052570303096622806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096720790487701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833572208868084,0.0,0.05630242129675711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237971258855288,0.03618082027174331,0.0750759498842394,0.0,0.04523147318380995,0.045331370223120684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869419084218454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162145035610178,0.10868052008577754,0.0517213434803098,0.0,0.04088627552729252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901376387677543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830105988673032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03471051064897145,0.038957938643269976,0.054505637524325634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889882597258958,0.0,0.13417969976047125,0.053517873109702116,0.056228249886814435,0.048422961622966214,0.0,0.04905815332846885,0.0,0.05522782159519684,0.04901417124776579,0.0,0.0,0.057382276764162535,0.0,0.0,0.058303794720083575,0.06563043881522933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043744767290049766,0.09745095404035954,0.08147029814640656,0.0,0.0,0.040818663823707316,0.04663214051052593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237278111150331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434016820965876,0.039434513468812486,0.0,0.0,0.1450256184665481,0.0,0.12272195964538077,0.08565062812421091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048277739177870385,0.05324104647627763,0.038513854021990285,0.0411716766787204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03282208416861679,0.0,0.0,0.17921373860046702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056911425054705325,0.0,0.0,0.050038120237388926,0.0,0.0,0.044240837709189004,0.0,0.0,0.30213070511619555,0.04065899564461894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244285940415882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037291469955445265,0.0,0.0,0.14555141172839947,0.056005084156481214,0.0,0.03298638892368377
suicidewatch,iliveithrowaway,2018/02/14,"I have a plan Read my comment history for my past, I've been very real on this account. 

I have a plan. I know where I'd do it, how I'd do it, and I'm currently writing my note. I'm not trying to be dramatic but that's where I am. I also know that saying this means I'm crying out for help, so maybe I am. 

I don't want to discus why I shouldn't do it. I just want to hear why you all carry on. So make me cry some more, tell me about why. ",-1.284807692307691,0.01148475000000282,2.0813846153846143,98.66361538461538,86.11538461538461,5.313846153846153,16.16923076923077,6.2581,-0.6909276923076924,330,6,91,3,10,120,62,104,0.121,0.841,0.038,-0.779,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,1,17,21,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,15,0,9,18,3,7,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,57,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836377773594654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350512748347262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319315702721915,0.0,0.13273471302609705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766319868167744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321859436177288,0.0,0.19894682024724356,0.21571171416935148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904115716219785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980826619839524,0.2254004385915147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748066676058012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308613785365734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344487412608655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633947240984597,0.23360535543905486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360713094504714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarioMaker54321,2018/02/14,"I need help. Desperately. My mom has MS, but has somehow been very mean to me since I was a child, up to physical and mental abuse. She still is mean to me now, and I'm 14 years old.

I already saw my school therapist, but directly after, my mom scolded me for going there. Apparently it is now permanently on my record, and my mom prefers for me to go to her instead of a verified therapist for help.

She always wants more from me, even if I am the best I can be. 
I even considered taking my own life several times. My best friend says she may have bipolar disease as well.

Yesterday, she was talking to me in the car for so long I fell asleep 3 times. She told me to go out in the freezing cold without a jacket just so I can ""wake up"".

She was making a scene, and she kept blaming me for it. When I refused to go out, she took my phone, took out the headphones, and cut them.

I poured my heart out in a conversation afterwards, and then she used my words to make my sister hate me, too. And then, she forced me to write an apology letter. 

She didn't like it, and it was the best I can do. She then proceeded to take away my phone for the next day (which is today). I managed to survive without being affected, but then something happened inside a Hallmark's store.

My deodorant stopped working. It commonly happens but apparently my mom is the only one who can smell it. She forced me out of the store and made me go to the car by myself, and she once again made a scene. I accepted it, but then she took away my phone again for tomorrow. It was an excessive punishment in my point of view. And, right now I am doing Algebra II homework staying up very late, at 12:45 AM. She saw me and then took away my phone for the day after today, which is Valentine's Day.

I don't want to be miserable on Valentine's Day.
I just want to be happy.
I just want my phone back.
I just want to be me for once.",2.747723367697596,4.021577981958764,4.2040000000000015,87.95766666666668,74.59278350515464,7.750652920962199,26.07766323024055,8.344100000000001,1.533716219931272,1459,51,321,25,30,485,177,388,0.121,0.782,0.096,-0.7601,2,0,1,0,1,0,56.0,0,0,1,5,21,12,3,1,19,0,31,5,3,6,0,52,63,28,0,8,12,5,1,1,1,1,2,1,1,1,11,17,0,3,4,0,2,12,4,4,1,1,17,7,69,8,53,40,5,68,0,1,3,0,41,20,0,3,36,234,80,4,0.0,0.09630866621768364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969930445292804,0.0,0.06763509298882407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22910797519845505,0.06250264983219306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559087398950465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968673198406207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737509667677307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628000892509664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309788541516511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375896926979248,0.08652870491108122,0.0,0.08025146992631642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632234930229644,0.10896637641016624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169229032746594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741354216630867,0.039711428891334416,0.0,0.0,0.07193409425806492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382643977061655,0.10851587320304454,0.0,0.0,0.17708497880006982,0.0,0.0,0.08191550922411565,0.0,0.0,0.38079700584155984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060271317566680825,0.0,0.0,0.0864468312328741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529425464451404,0.17313036555347733,0.05508038103589424,0.06182041303122935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683998671331843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694163930640376,0.0,0.0646405797712595,0.0,0.08226410448312715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182818186451464,0.0,0.0672392565115231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257666589217002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663830473645112,0.0649137890546468,0.06795735851821894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222314345153487,0.06533328369278138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875479691971872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479511944579028,0.0,0.15409612403365222,0.077670682356274,0.361239626695241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020358251172826,0.0,0.13413620750472005,0.2397180860970217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308439492340381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671043070162094,0.0,0.05917597684767548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234445811786242
suicidewatch,averagethrowaway786,2018/02/14,Really struggling tonight I’m 23 female and Muslim and I recently got divorced from an abusive asshole who just ruined my life. I had painted this idea that once I was divorced everything would fall into place with my life but it’s just falling apart. I don’t know how to keep up anymore I’m just falling deeper and deeper into my depression. I can’t breathe anymore it’s just so overwhelming. ,2.6238011695906422,5.45270652631579,3.6954385964912277,83.60862573099416,82.42105263157895,6.0093567251462,29.49707602339181,7.3871296695380915,2.21704269005848,320,16,54,5,9,103,53,76,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.9266,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,1,0,5,3,1,1,0,16,10,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,6,6,0,10,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,35,13,0,0.0,0.2865418575083762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796822711680505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829716709104729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735095923609127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934222178746146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730088792189753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149592566702878,0.0,0.0,0.13290940479016605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34163868454547985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575526091528856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526722118452066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492943923447142,0.0,0.2387886604497673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528245624924121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171796798908755,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,samsam2525,2018/02/14,"I am close, I have never been so certain before So, I am, for the first time in my life, so close to taking the early checkout option.  I have, a few times, feigned an attempt because I wasn’t really ready, just trying to cry out maybe, even though I didn’t really tell anyone I tried.  This is different though, the times before were impulsive and in no way effective; however, I have never been so calm and reasonable about carrying out a plan.  It is unnatural how much peace I have, now that the real decision has been made and all I have to do now is carry out the last act.  

I don’t want to keep going, life isn’t life anymore.  It’s agony and every moment is exhausting on every level.  I know my family will suffer, that’s the only reason I haven’t done it yet, but I’ve made it to the point where I have accepted that this might be the only way.  

I don’t know why I am posting here really, but I have.  Maybe this is my note, maybe not, but I honestly don’t think I can make it very much longer.  

Look, I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live anymore.  The fear of death has been overcome by the misery of living.

Help maybe, I would like to have not to go through with this, but I really can’t find any.  

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suicidewatch,Afastom15,2018/02/14,I wish I had cancer I wish I had cancer. I know it’s fucked yo. Something my family couldn’t afford to treat. I would die as some sort of hero. I would be dead and my family wouldn’t be ashamed of me. Instead I’m going to have to do the tide pod challenge. Or jump off my building that might not be tall enough. ,-0.4872058823529422,1.5572232205882344,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,88.85294117647058,4.576470588235295,15.852941176470587,5.985473137389443,-0.7201235294117647,241,5,58,2,8,80,47,68,0.294,0.5529999999999999,0.153,-0.9412,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,1,0,12,3,0,0,0,13,18,3,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,11,3,7,8,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578111801491761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25667474959866754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683591680643003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296517717463511,0.0,0.0,0.14117757611223572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365200732225636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26352459127421624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123876175352106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5713202961905294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35292779474038544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fstarc,2018/02/14,"I don't understand why I have to be the one to try so hard just so I don't kill myself. Avoidant personality, depression, severe anxieties, panic attacks, self harming, no friends, no relationship, no money; everything that can be wrong with someone, I most likely embody it. Why do I have to try so hard to just be 'normal' when all I want to do is kill myself.  Society dictates that I must live. But why? I'm a senior in college. Most everyone else doesnt have to try so hard just to be alive. Others my age are worried about passing exams, finding relationships, or getting a job. I don't have that luxury.  Every thought I have about my future involves death. I want it. I want to be gone. No one should live the way I do.

Society wants me alive, but they don't make it easy for me. No insurance or money? Good luck finding and affording a therapist and psychiatrist. That 'free/low cost' clinic that I keep being referred to by my college's counseling center (Because I apparently need more long-term care than they provide)? The next available appointment is 4-6 months away.

Nobody makes it easy for me, but they want me alive? I make things hard enough for myself as it is. I just want to be dead.",2.8469566913772937,5.101599128755368,4.240025360905189,83.52728735856421,77.02575107296138,7.3264923917284435,26.04155286773313,8.296473431620573,1.8684180257510732,939,36,180,18,22,310,127,233,0.188,0.679,0.133,-0.8718,3,1,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,3,0,11,13,3,2,6,0,27,1,0,3,2,36,44,13,4,10,9,0,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,12,3,0,2,5,0,3,2,10,8,0,2,2,4,29,5,21,33,5,12,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,5,7,123,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201861601694713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197169955863188,0.1007313272541545,0.0,0.0,0.06535681822763177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093120842925774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234348568310644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956375742484543,0.0,0.0,0.11078099153525893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033263879671326,0.10244782071474673,0.09635726434846027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959837839544584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283347190052595,0.0,0.05601502613749836,0.0,0.0,0.0899262351726339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841716744273035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639361036453836,0.09529696115409672,0.2372333888156237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237947220193583,0.0,0.18934431300066776,0.09488124692949401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469905475302573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557740004853771,0.0,0.0,0.07949801584064635,0.0,0.0,0.11402358262902615,0.0,0.10504721179399312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530231562487145,0.0,0.0,0.12579283438951522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361535704183124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302159844613184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184785652577124,0.12112159732374278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084229521174697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448402027150306,0.07122839082905395,0.0,0.0,0.08511614708795204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837433596510208,0.0,0.0,0.11161382655682284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794264929034625,0.08510168977188122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29023258265159074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888128609772514,0.0,0.0,0.11722196335569696,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ywkig,2018/02/14,Feeling so done I’ve been so depressed about myself for so long. I’m 19 turning 20 in two weeks and I don’t think I can make it that long. I’ve struggled with heroin addiction because I’m an idiot and I’ve ruined my life. I’ve always hated myself and i could never function as a member of society. I don’t even get sad anymore I just want it to be over. Such a loser. I don’t know why I’m posting this but  If anyone can relate to me. It’s hell,-0.8725333333333332,1.1106038800000029,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,90.2,4.133333333333334,18.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.3482666666666665,348,10,78,2,12,124,68,100,0.248,0.727,0.025,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,3,1,3,0,9,2,0,1,1,14,20,9,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,2,1,10,0,9,16,0,7,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247322840733968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887748182574632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499503657209013,0.15863345468469445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382984353468374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113800597200014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540363088005025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216776649324525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984613360319265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471277729642396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853071616410188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398811002947733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246823499176674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602456729046416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015473320137303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514381317206112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497687540062318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727967283591906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371747929969848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536975458902046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246770463750923,0.2216199684833016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338143739773366,0.0,0.18198220456030992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471575960948826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BufudyneBlizzara,2018/02/14,"I started a countdown to the end of the month... I think I feel like I am done. I'm feeling defeated, and worthless, and like a total failure. I'm almost 27 years old, and I have nothing to show for it. I've achieved nothing. I've put myself and my mother in debt. Most people I thought were friends drifted away. I've an inability to make new ones. I've got a job, but I don't seem to be going anywhere. My health is failing. I am hideously overweight, and lack any and all motivation to do anything about it, now or ever. At 27 years old, I am a kissless virgin, and I never see any woman express interest in me as anything more than a friend, ever. 

My issues are getting worse with time; my social anxieties are more pronounced; with each passing day, I grow older with no experience of romance or sexuality. With each passing day, I grow older with nothing to show for it. 

I am almost 27 years old, and I have spent the better part of the last seven years depressed, and waiting for happiness. Happiness has not come.

I am tired of waiting. I need a sign that something will change and things will look up, by the end of this month. If not, then I feel like i gave it long enough, and it won't be a hasty decision.",3.2133477135461597,4.643544459016397,4.555306298533218,85.27649266609146,73.672131147541,6.776186367558241,28.825711820534945,7.273561745256523,1.5919950819672133,944,39,190,10,19,313,135,244,0.128,0.7070000000000001,0.165,0.9157,2,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,5,4,14,0,0,13,0,20,4,0,2,5,47,41,17,0,3,6,1,3,3,2,3,3,0,0,1,8,19,1,2,8,2,2,8,6,4,0,2,6,5,24,10,28,30,10,38,0,4,2,1,7,5,0,7,28,128,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674556760551267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719488841891304,0.0,0.08279265337369628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781216813216808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168196278150267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957171710128638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448884016344375,0.09322718312801027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395937338644122,0.0,0.09321496231904948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075285299407006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917123636537276,0.11182646913571348,0.0,0.0,0.19579336705979986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586587115258657,0.0,0.0,0.16416707046396092,0.15463346336764391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723039865444736,0.0,0.056543658841575486,0.0,0.06150737414745577,0.0,0.08655828114536135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304173447828416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150392599392519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295990732072947,0.10739768276835153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821869823921996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862138487008756,0.0,0.0,0.0957766732746934,0.09088264801055017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722417473944965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277004570222795,0.0,0.0,0.0802482654429486,0.08347062321061162,0.10452542044529513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115375218856322,0.0,0.3406951895434575,0.0,0.07333679130503554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171982958227215,0.0,0.07503033548906457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879710054330463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624217201708992,0.09852495664245928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032285719834042,0.0,0.08331772222324281,0.0,0.0,0.07660297498158608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190059718951514,0.06934690074752581,0.0,0.08591941689068824,0.06310749636065012,0.12438995585885455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102916194032591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787761833719512
suicidewatch,itsathrowaway--shock,2018/02/14,"I shouldn't feel this way, I don't think. I shouldn't be suicidal.

My life isn't bad.

I've certainly had some ups and downs over the last year, but I shouldn't be suicidal.

I am, but for a stupid reason.

I'm bored.

The minute I don't have a distraction, the urge to take my own life becomes near overwhelming. It's just right there. ""Well, you have nothing better to do and no one to talk to. Might as well eat a bullet.""

I fight it as best I can.

That funny youtube video? That's a thirty second reprieve.

Video games alone? Sometimes that's good for hours, sometimes minutes.

Video games with friends? usually good for hours, but they're starting to lose power.

Time with my partner? Keeps me going for an hour or two. But now they're out of town for awhile and I'm by myself.

But then when they are here, and we go to fool around, my body won't respond, because my thoughts are garbage and I'm a fat, dumpy, out of shape chump.

I have no full time job, but I have freelance work I could be doing, but I don't have the motivation.

Exercise? Sure, but again, no motivation.

Clean up? Same problem.

So I sit here, and I read the same sites over and over and over until there's nothing new to read. I endlessly scroll reddit until it tells me there's nothing new. I sit in front of my computer hoping someone shows up online to play PUBG with because I can't bring myself to give a shit about anything else, and then I can barely even give a shit about PUBG, but it's something to distract me until I sleep, and then I get up tomorrow and do it all again.

There's a safe full of guns about 20 feet from me. I guess if I was going to do it, I would have done it already, but I don't want to get eaten by the cats and I don't want anyone to have to deal with finding me, especially my partner.

This sucks.

This sucks so fucking bad.

I don't know what to do.
",1.2961903094804654,3.2221411424870467,2.5102548662652318,95.64659921579613,80.58031088082902,5.52012323204033,20.795126732950568,6.5153245180268975,0.07790373897213243,1435,40,329,13,37,459,187,386,0.165,0.6920000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.6961,2,1,1,1,1,0,59.0,1,1,1,7,20,28,7,3,15,0,38,12,6,3,3,60,64,35,2,10,13,0,1,0,3,6,4,0,1,2,14,20,3,2,8,10,0,5,15,16,2,3,5,1,43,12,53,49,8,50,0,2,0,1,15,20,5,6,22,220,57,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466839057150863,0.11152297809892886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066398020297845,0.0,0.08316433220636814,0.08996543508851981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876290007615896,0.12321131021040192,0.11161358581535064,0.0,0.0,0.10605695316777952,0.08937996260647965,0.0,0.11225563769724134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068873298796914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418912789820614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342016750412047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341030981147026,0.08442323386403999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667496288186839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051099318488745486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236763453247497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807923395684352,0.093428974115556,0.10560007278556843,0.1938932341568044,0.17230534740470496,0.16952981430825748,0.0,0.0,0.1113297373796124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037606242466562,0.2985732505740771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028713519508166,0.08982737961608611,0.0,0.0,0.05554030909655879,0.08237794605060046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276430000536447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306105534974994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720941549784678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521007718816655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29091135646822364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848133511637475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670142628020058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217606540547425,0.0,0.0,0.10390721503841396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863052721601633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074746801955913,0.0,0.0,0.1011336690638594,0.0,0.08562838980759423,0.07780145211113353,0.19990320166923886,0.0,0.07153127246603531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108797150537174,0.0,0.0952484988980894,0.0,0.07598505739589889,0.08122874988651403,0.08833149246125586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475560581346589,0.0,0.08023089470360732,0.11785859538505175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872160381690108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113040659513992,0.0,0.11921641992104713,0.08021726716708154,0.0,0.0,0.18173138407541287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735733817582641,0.0,0.0,0.07179061051590525,0.0,0.0,0.06507976724994677
suicidewatch,JackA12345,2018/02/14,"I think I'm going to Kill myself in the next few days Hey, my names jack I'm 20 and right now I feel like I can't go on anymore. I was diagnosed with depression about 3 months ago due to numerous factors in my childhood and my recent life and my life has been hell every since, my girlfriend of a year left me cause she couldn't handle my moods all the time just full on ghosted me won't even talk to me, so I moved back in with my mum and that's nothing but a nightmare, she just doesn't understand what's going on in my head she thinks I can just pick myself up and get on with it and it's making it worse if I'm totally honest. I work a manual labour job 40 hours a week and at the age of 20 after a year of working there I feel about 50, I have no dreams or aspirations for my life and can't see a way past this point in my life everything is getting on top of me and I feel like I'm drowning, suicide feels like it's the only way out",2.1005422647527894,2.7536519090909093,3.845913875598087,92.30606379585329,75.36363636363637,7.104433811802232,22.545773524720893,7.3011,0.5117346730462522,735,18,179,8,15,248,122,209,0.102,0.8059999999999999,0.091,-0.5123,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,2,0,10,0,11,6,1,3,2,33,29,13,4,2,6,1,4,3,1,1,5,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,7,1,0,4,6,3,0,0,2,5,29,4,27,25,4,41,1,1,1,0,8,18,1,2,20,109,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160519535358192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983664716569354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066876798122187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344900608337075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844320401915652,0.0,0.11276049758253034,0.1328802115032189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647088342123227,0.0,0.1103050553410485,0.0,0.1176617169391898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647866836202042,0.2805860642720364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679973573963272,0.0,0.22321316046205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436084849053315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892902028074746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299170846276812,0.0,0.1448426749767658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224407173860726,0.0,0.3698883532674333,0.1918814945605131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738956901096302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449844014343636,0.13914636902461913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923403278834556,0.0,0.0,0.12562048377031607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956993555717493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497717077629195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376094157433593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926689568280228,0.0,0.0,0.11180426407869797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432563600637627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829769827617687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320433347882894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522787746084243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777544805163408,0.0,0.0,0.07634002646976767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629148311368147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783510201731534,0.10501546898062993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906214440294804,0.0,0.13341782878726774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686153186630419
suicidewatch,seabreeze713,2018/02/14,Alike I'm right here with you. Same gender and age and stuff. I'm sorry you're going through this x I usually try to sleep on it for a day to see if it's just a rush of emotion in not ,-0.7295454545454518,0.4853260454545492,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,84.0,5.3090909090909095,17.81818181818182,5.985473137389443,-0.6101181818181818,142,3,39,1,4,50,36,44,0.036000000000000004,0.964,0.0,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,8,4,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219819098564868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834087095423775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371206953054626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910827748533201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271612141695223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410946780583081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38155201395233823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901900096315123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23141377210024855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753964915314266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeepguycj5,2018/02/14,"Soon is not soon enough So I’ve been struggling with wether or not to end my life. I have everything thing planned out. Time,date. You name I’ve all ready figured it out. Might as well give some background. So about 5 years ago I was a freshman in high school and started to have horrible episodes of depression. I would go days even weeks without taking to people. And I have terrible paranoia because I always felt like people were staring or talking about me. The funny part is the I was an athlete and a nationally ranked powerlifter but even then I still felt empty like I didn’t belong. Even with my family. So I have an older brother who has been treated like a baby ( he’s 26 now). All he talks about is how he’s better than me and that he gets everything while I’ll have to be on my own. Then there is college. I was kicked out because I didn’t have the money. At this time I was traveling with the US Olympic weightlifting team and had to pay for flights and hotels which killed me financially. At this point the only thing holding me together was my girlfriend. We were together for three years. Just so you have some background on her. Her mother is a fucking hippie. Smokes and drinks parties and sex. Which is there are three children. So her mom told her the only reason she is with her father is because they had kids. So she dumped me because I never got her pregnant (I never wanted to), I would try to keep her from parties and fighting because you know I cared and she thinks she needs to be free 
    Back to my family, my father is a paraplegic and needs constant attention. Because of this my mother can’t work and money is really tight. Which has put a lot  of stress on her and me because my brother doesn’t want to help. So this goes on for months and I tried to hang myself. I did, I woke up in the emergency room they revived me. Most normal are typically happy knowing they survived. But I felt worst. Those moments I was dead. I felt happy, at peace. It was the best feeling ever. And I’ve been wanting to go back. After I had to go to intense therapy and was on antidepressants which only made me feel worse so I stopped taking them. And now I suffer from sleep paralysis. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want it to end. Sorry for the long story ",2.4990882897715565,4.695744566371683,3.442278246552789,89.10552068326818,77.89380530973452,5.974562667215476,24.449681004321874,7.025160622230231,0.971017637373945,1792,63,356,20,43,572,221,452,0.121,0.743,0.136,0.7659,1,0,2,0,2,3,46.0,2,3,4,7,28,21,4,2,17,0,49,5,1,3,5,73,80,34,2,9,9,7,8,3,1,3,1,0,1,2,17,25,1,4,13,5,4,6,10,10,1,2,27,9,65,12,50,48,11,53,0,2,1,2,44,18,1,7,32,264,82,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568420362425775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710429857179906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467400110542993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313038738661535,0.0,0.36432791727739705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960102490224951,0.07551165686040409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870505832084893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226543010648036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506302589122397,0.0,0.07353765447106232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836398790931224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124264608877466,0.08822034621302915,0.0,0.16917802111108945,0.07723108295258632,0.0,0.0,0.15346804723725513,0.0,0.16097729918226975,0.0,0.08634136983277102,0.0,0.32791269318569555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893241872672238,0.0446075173231246,0.08190425984884656,0.14557023620295806,0.0,0.0682861722208285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177715962362706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722840304461318,0.09020863999778107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758896520924189,0.09446030137735023,0.0,0.1407678177563732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060306407160766365,0.12513704133004938,0.0,0.0,0.07555859843139025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258700854832588,0.0,0.08078860455975885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057466974920172,0.0,0.09999600448514838,0.0681494880634826,0.0,0.0,0.12661635147900835,0.1317006131941927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365425570532029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480597390988813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245820164910756,0.0,0.11838346009640865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071168142767092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583046528327501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469660355409457,0.08778484280471291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640910127622344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544164366018857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557590109444668,0.060432391597932365,0.0,0.06818456491916043,0.07138148906574207,0.09780248235247173,0.08925769648243864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839024347905165,0.1372503928119873,0.0,0.0,0.09763945179413228,0.0,0.11344533411467275,0.0547080457787027,0.0,0.0,0.0995715096900258,0.0,0.0,0.08158423288122245,0.0,0.11593480828492762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270160729855862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143730497715226,0.0,0.06848667252786726,0.0,0.07676685867215859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230325706830212,0.0,0.06215764468206202,0.0,0.08700949715530051,0.12130298086929285,0.0,0.0,0.10996381985008083
suicidewatch,ThrowawayInter270,2018/02/14,"This is it, no one is left I’m sick of it..everyone I know..they all leave in the end. The one person I trusted has left me on read for over 24 hours. Honestly what did I expect? I’m not funny, I’m not charismatic, I’m not even crazy. I’m just meh. I don’t have any real defining characteristics, good OR bad. I had (and still am having) a major panic attack a few days ago. I tried talking to her about it but it was always the same. “Hey man calm down, everything’s gonna be ok. I have panic attacks too, it sucks yeah but just wait a few hours”. I tried telling her that I’m really not ok, and haven’t been for years. All she kept doing was saying “same” and other similar shit. Until finally I asked her if she could help me. “That’s what ive been doing?” Just..shit like this reinforces the idea that I’m not anything to anyone, never have and probably never will be. My life is a joke. I’ve only ever had one real “girlfriend”. And guess what? She left me for someone else 3 months into it. She never loved me. My dad has been mentally absent from my life. My mom was too busy to notice me, I rarely saw her and barely even talk to her. College has knocked me down like a brick wall. So what do I do? That’s everyone, my brother doesn’t care. He’s on some big time baseball scholarship, he ain’t got time for me. That girl I was texting was the only person I had. Guess even she got tired of the monotony of my life. As angry and depressed as I was, I feel calm now. If she can’t see what she called “the good” in me anymore, why should I try to find it when I never could. I know I won’t even end up passing this semester, not when I’m already having panic attacks this early. My life will be over in 5 months anyway should I fail. I’ll end up saving myself the pain anyway. Hell, I’ll just go quietly. It’s not like that many people would be shocked anyway. Thank you for your time I just needed this off my chest, at least I’ll have told someone..",-0.18205811138014732,1.9868288111380181,1.9742571428571445,95.62010726392252,88.97578692493946,4.756784503631962,16.73457627118644,6.2581,-0.3919183147699759,1501,35,341,15,50,502,200,413,0.17,0.718,0.111,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,2,0,1,20,30,6,3,13,3,48,10,2,0,7,52,75,18,0,9,16,3,1,3,1,7,7,2,0,4,24,8,0,2,4,2,1,2,18,14,0,3,18,5,53,16,32,44,9,46,1,2,2,1,34,19,3,6,28,223,77,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701624928137908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734498095375971,0.0,0.06585988536861799,0.0,0.0,0.05382532286736441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849641945853142,0.055344146203402785,0.0,0.06513444257338337,0.0,0.07399540233239621,0.27013670930899736,0.0,0.0,0.06608769127281285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808219134969741,0.0,0.08069961268436122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639109833966775,0.0,0.0,0.05104577934886697,0.0,0.06817254996807852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612041643443342,0.0,0.2103125994829365,0.0,0.0,0.20911367889285135,0.0715965160915738,0.0,0.15126414440893293,0.07113572083606648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002107078050174,0.0,0.0,0.0867059367160883,0.07234248418138642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044983277718021686,0.1327760310410092,0.12660840276555524,0.0,0.17438726900537665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530531765557938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589537587827004,0.0,0.0,0.08935172628703816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699852394367592,0.0,0.0,0.08380936942310704,0.2579930373533266,0.0,0.22362647191476254,0.11600738783812155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143677308437849,0.0,0.0,0.080246584406459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976548577088051,0.0,0.0,0.09270057171941104,0.12635497864933806,0.0,0.0,0.05868938579877578,0.2441841991939176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901138186791458,0.0,0.0,0.16090408488164035,0.12039564479789065,0.08422213293868568,0.27859956415791765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487326463473388,0.1382230172167151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853380520543179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917231445560202,0.18018209391838405,0.050706090175108985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629439686672659,0.0,0.0,0.06307301569320248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249451278099758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341285931265364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321000706967488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723698259638608,0.06918137103370328,0.07287150994929775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846057034110568,0.09097231034960006,0.0,0.07563207220446648,0.0,0.16121478651363474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142137169292402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056226524928415206,0.0,0.0,0.05097058137991306
suicidewatch,Billhadly45,2018/02/14,"Help For My Brother Hey I just don't know what to do or where to go so I thought I'd try to get some help here. 

My brother is suicidal, he hasn't explained much to me all I know is that he doesn't want to live anymore. He is a teenager. He doesn't interact much with me, somedays he will talk to me or others we go days without talking. He's always very temperamental and I'm afraid to say the wrong thing because he goes in his room all day after yelling and screaming at everyone.

He is seeing a therapist and is on medication it helps but right now he is in a bad spot. He does have really bad social anxiety also. The only time he described to me what he felt he said something like "" sometimes my mind just goes blank, and it is so scary because I want to do something but I just can't. I'm miserable, I hate everyday and I just don't want to be here it's not worth it."" 

I myself used to suffer with depression so I understand a little bit but not like this. He needs real help and I don't know how to give it to him. My parents don't help much. My dad doesn't believe him, he just thinks he's over reacting, instead of helping him he just gets mad and makes the whole situation worse. My mom tries to help too but she doesn't understand, no one does. 

I just feel so helpless seeing him like this, I was informed by a friend that he's OD'd twice but made it out. He's tried and he will again. I try my best to just be his friend to have someone to talk to but he doesn't want to talk to me. Sometimes he talks it my mom but that only helps so much. What can I do, how can he get help. Thank you so much ",0.8283201961814691,2.619524063583817,2.6863741460851287,94.47727185146259,81.485549132948,5.928043440182169,21.75652478542652,6.980632752743323,0.3908701348747594,1250,39,295,15,33,416,155,346,0.141,0.698,0.162,0.8478,1,0,2,0,1,1,30.0,1,1,0,1,24,18,2,2,8,0,30,1,0,6,2,59,61,26,1,5,20,6,2,3,2,2,1,4,1,0,17,12,0,0,11,0,1,2,15,11,0,2,5,8,37,7,33,52,11,19,0,4,2,0,62,10,0,3,10,181,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390591287667778,0.06649351373362959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061132762935027965,0.0,0.07925162207758236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344702265050012,0.09742770773093676,0.0,0.0,0.09003390313124322,0.08386312764971908,0.0,0.0872436374831408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307376671490663,0.0,0.06882842814237501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986374960214695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635971735576201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040406107673638295,0.0,0.0767284304967385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348023526107375,0.0,0.12525278332990364,0.07665925034064128,0.0908321105627735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889694508989925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820723409648774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175328610754247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712347802069208,0.08009321286109046,0.07056410825911667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561503971889988,0.053342143747298065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050333008038389,0.0,0.0,0.08068873781360485,0.18718486083721889,0.0,0.0,0.29372402336407005,0.05925402783176864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415070654917218,0.12155395376154628,0.0,0.0,0.08873325691270519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095779980073487,0.05119392608362842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824474812661692,0.07601498676500666,0.06354954342238057,0.0,0.0,0.12735966398191742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982487942854665,0.0,0.08146062241754178,0.06770951239296785,0.12304093064803814,0.15807080270026114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874111890940372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32115277768649725,0.0,0.0735725961331966,0.0,0.09278444906805766,0.05309024392579786,0.05120463556763215,0.0,0.06344151479946444,0.04659755977411945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170210806595472,0.0,0.0,0.1663832415255512,0.0,0.06901865099327871,0.0,0.06593609442782823,0.18853760254577392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921933443685033,0.0,0.07703269645672747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143755693233863,0.0,0.08737165834548656,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,G_Ramsays_crappy_egg,2018/02/14,"I think I should kill myself after my baby is born. I had to cut off my own family because they are abusive, and my husband's family have made it clear that I will never be one of them.  My husband and I are not getting along at all; we basically hate each other now.  My depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses make it hard to even get through a day.  I am not a good mother to my daughter because I am tired and I hurt all the time.  I don't think I'll be able to handle two babies.  I don't trust any human being at all; everyone eventually lets you down or shits on you.  I am an inherently unlikable person, and I will never have a family to lean on.  It would be better for my husband for him to be able to just move back home, have his parents take care of the two children, and not have to worry about dealing with my shit anymore.  And I would never have to feel rejection or loneliness or frustration or stress again.  Everybody would win except the children, who wouldn't have a mother to love them like a mother does, but also wouldn't be damaged by a mentally-ill mother.  I am barely making it day-to-day.  I won't have the energy to take care of two babies.  I refuse to take medication while pregnant, but I sincerely doubt any medication will give me the energy or the happiness to get through life after birth.  I can't live like this anymore.",6.0614285714285705,5.532939465201467,7.241333333333332,75.56200000000003,66.43589743589743,10.503443223443224,31.02051282051282,10.047579312681364,2.8867945787545786,1066,35,209,22,15,364,144,273,0.165,0.716,0.119,-0.6103,2,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,2,3,2,7,23,6,2,13,0,35,8,2,3,7,44,52,16,1,6,12,9,2,2,0,10,5,0,1,4,9,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,12,12,0,4,2,2,36,11,33,33,5,20,0,4,0,1,26,6,2,6,15,162,45,0,0.2056533158573802,0.12183277530596255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822304411953252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985130693571152,0.0,0.07866211186650847,0.0,0.20395282863608347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906735283636017,0.0,0.12536435254159245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909418228182034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967726159161754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989440631805138,0.1060097692210814,0.08856444980060292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998430129001646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791603778059226,0.0,0.0,0.09825527819048137,0.0,0.0,0.29080746527090345,0.0,0.051992247844121896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116805426183414,0.09864069995179328,0.0,0.08624612209284356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946088941902543,0.0921124882901592,0.10152003643583712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314352187569938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007806402418673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376246196125522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514722445130638,0.07262950944058383,0.1004718221776869,0.0,0.09079782282273698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280507340140537,0.09729706997670254,0.13727518525897026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071740799001634,0.10362508610406564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928846429927676,0.0,0.0,0.2379187729709733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967800458730415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141768349152672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978427149424315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110017341004145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778758924230218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193854948070514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317743408844682,0.0,0.0,0.059959051148297714,0.11818411687658208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30134011049568155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044254624513398,0.0,0.21913532265479368,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,annegrande,2018/02/14,"I think I’m suicidal and I don’t know what to do. Hi. I’m 17 years old and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if It’s just “normal teenager feeling” or if it’s a problem. There’s a lot to say, so here’s a recap in point form (seems easier to read). Please read it completely even though there’s a lot. 

- At 14 years old I was diagnosed with panic (anxiety) disorder. 

-At 15 years old I was diagnosed with anorexia. 

- At 16 years old I was diagnosed with bulimia. 

- At 16 years old I was sexually harassed. A guy put his hands in my pants and when I said no, he held on tighter for me to stay. This guy was my ex (he had cheated on me, I didn’t think it would affect me.) My family doesn’t know. 

- My family history is not exactly good, so much that I forgot half of my childhood because of how traumatic it was. 

- Last summer I tried to kill myself... I don’t know if it is actually that because I just took the pills, put them in my mouth, and spit them out. 

- Since last summer I’ve been feeling very hopeless. I act extremely happy around my family and friends, but when I’m alone, I constantly get suicidal thoughts. 

-My grades have dropped dramatically, I am unable to get a job because of my anxiety, I have gained a lot of weight because I have been eating my emotions, I have been missing a lot of classes because I am unable to go out and live life, which will affect my chances of getting into college, and I feel like no one truly loves me. 

- I have a counsellor at school, a psychologist, and a doctor for my eating disorder. They are all aware that I have suicidal thoughts yet none of them help. I feel like the world really doesn’t want me. I stay up at night to talk to a hotline yet it always takes so long to answer, and they never end up helping me. 

- I’ve been trying to help myself by going vegan, exercising, meditating, spending less time on social media, spending time with my friends and family, eating healthy, trying to get help, studying a lot, etc. Nothing has worked. This is another reason I feel like giving up. 

I’m going to see a doctor soon, but I really don’t know what to do. I constantly search up ways to kill myself, and I even have a plan. I tell this to my friends and counsellor yet it’s like the world just doesn’t want me. I just need help to know what to do. Other than that, I don’t know why I’m posting this. At this point I’m doing anything that can possibly help me.  I don’t even know if I’m depressed or I’m being over dramatic. I don’t want to diagnose myself with something, so that’s why I’m not adding that on my list of mental illnesses. I’m just so tired. 
Sorry this was so long. ",2.3075005096839973,3.8299254422018407,4.224342507645261,86.34735983690113,76.22935779816514,7.706829765545362,24.771661569826698,8.447377352677275,1.5427300713557592,2046,69,439,39,45,697,223,545,0.162,0.7340000000000001,0.104,-0.9865,1,1,1,0,0,3,82.0,0,0,5,3,26,20,4,1,18,0,46,19,3,4,3,78,95,30,5,11,15,1,7,4,3,2,11,2,0,2,27,22,4,2,21,3,2,7,18,10,0,2,19,10,69,10,60,73,11,69,0,3,1,1,28,27,0,12,34,283,96,10,0.0,0.0,0.056329177522226874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597834669986927,0.0,0.0,0.048030037449813566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060527443906015624,0.08831564849895904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750098938925591,0.05138557677509182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593657592348422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052131273455302,0.12475579449682933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971660836774408,0.2343499213558645,0.0,0.0,0.1323107799206529,0.11816357113863027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719466622680996,0.0,0.06493043989861205,0.0511253143588896,0.0,0.06437623900309547,0.11437619924796152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766387293985334,0.0,0.14593204327721668,0.12371165230669127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378959820786934,0.0,0.12063123225578765,0.055373019983353096,0.0984156820795853,0.048415190124032725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430939850853525,0.0,0.06144704995156624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23214246813923525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728102442955315,0.0,0.12772356811366098,0.0,0.28550673188507303,0.0941036580814061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040771357863438065,0.11280188035826713,0.0,0.05097033638311043,0.10216581624879784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24536952548597354,0.052097128127882315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058171058867398026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243293834222868,0.04280076380401554,0.0445194224310214,0.0,0.0,0.05416898691780737,0.05655613983218805,0.05538663386975811,0.0,0.3028521189071829,0.0,0.039114498805245125,0.0,0.0,0.06772533045020347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336235831448361,0.10913350677565256,0.0650738432957088,0.055282536726689965,0.0,0.0,0.05523297430277434,0.0,0.1160548200565471,0.0,0.0,0.11547694646012645,0.0,0.0739574749155144,0.05934870620687666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490765122890222,0.04590352921824578,0.0,0.05841860851367287,0.045997640124358516,0.052548717094112775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774894016749137,0.0,0.0,0.05884117902196,0.0,0.04443787201981126,0.0,0.06461600765328578,0.0,0.12304976121693828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941829585985567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043400401462349684,0.046395442422206716,0.05045231741568612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397294640705951,0.05671240961083045,0.09165099452851104,0.06731731909932012,0.06634392769637827,0.0,0.0,0.06413221314486864,0.117570083676507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762739862642187,0.10213930204434044,0.0458177136213074,0.0,0.07029088384753024,0.0,0.0,0.10417179252373114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202292417329565,0.0,0.0,0.04100465834201812,0.06311087783985828,0.0,0.18585812280220845
suicidewatch,ImportantProof,2018/02/14,"Hair loss robbed me of my youth, made me depressed, and nobody cares Get over it. Shave your head. Some kid in Africa doesn't have food.  

Well I don't care what you say. I'm depressed. Because I lost my hair at age 16. And you know what, I'm sick of people not taking me seriously. I want my hair back. But, it's not growing back. Ever. I have no choice. But that doesn't stop my ""friends"" and family from mocking me and laughing at me. Well fuck them. I have a headshape that is messed up. I can't shave it. The mocking will only get worse with that.   

I am in severe depression and have been for years because of this. I quit my job, dropped out, my girlfriend left. I don't give a fuck anymore. Nobody cares about me. Everybody laughs and taunts and all this shit. I moved across the country, same shit different state.     

There's no solution for me. Meds haven't helped (yes, I tried, for hair loss and depression), therapy hasn't worked. Got hospitalized once...  I had one shrink refuse to see me anymore because they can't help someone with such a ""minor"" issue.  

To my family, I hate you. Thanks for mocking me relentlessly everytime I went home. I get it, you aren't balding. That doesn't give you the right to constantly make fun of me over something I have no control over.    

To my friends, I wish I had never met you.  

To the medical system, shrinks, pharma companies, none of your shit works at least for me. Thanks for blaming baldness on the person rather than being a serious psychological illness.   

And to top it all of, people are going to respond to this post saying I need to ""get over it"". No. I won't. Ever. I bet not a single one of you is balding and if you were you would be thinking the same shit. But it's easy for you to judge me, saying it's my fault. Fuck that.  

So fuck this life.    ",1.0540602201883544,3.470971565459614,2.3045742140867524,93.76418059424329,85.43454038997214,5.313198036874917,20.8038864570898,6.763600653459839,0.35483042843878465,1388,44,297,17,42,443,178,359,0.252,0.652,0.096,-0.9958,2,0,1,0,0,0,69.0,0,12,2,8,11,35,12,0,11,1,28,21,12,3,5,41,60,15,0,6,8,0,4,0,3,3,4,3,1,2,19,13,1,3,2,0,1,4,20,23,2,2,9,8,56,12,42,46,8,34,0,7,1,4,29,16,8,3,10,198,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061382079231138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228532555844685,0.0,0.1573076332501372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26310376992059303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295508274087624,0.09647669139458026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963492934694488,0.0,0.0,0.08987067911845381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556167179352023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621805496123698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401351202798503,0.0,0.1329148487938934,0.3180896465864796,0.17976377322907572,0.16503293253591028,0.04888610802998345,0.0,0.06879658807767278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492513400830785,0.08827945817413191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531233169348434,0.0,0.08628323752541975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897806207610071,0.08535976043127343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727333640091496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345899287359262,0.0,0.06075717699429312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938989932326654,0.0,0.0,0.08139247183593698,0.05741779609930259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955467949329385,0.08665425622502228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142370119266313,0.0,0.06378138276977716,0.06634251518885226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160654321370178,0.11657627567437348,0.0654206940501716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926833610067335,0.07510774775288839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238162878575707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149091147454734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734590467782022,0.0,0.20521530276601516,0.0,0.0,0.06854534430067633,0.0,0.0,0.09717604746359723,0.3531856596082981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288291589817396,0.06622098936711124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191504136072924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467495838876633,0.0,0.0,0.1583879471843011,0.0983692734085016,0.0,0.0,0.05511696976952343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840069072585485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050735745039178985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468132953788635,0.07973970492791096,0.0,0.0,0.0989166498264866,0.0,0.0,0.1252445037698523,0.0,0.08765986348276858,0.0611048396479977,0.0,0.0,0.055392880956987696
suicidewatch,unicorn199,2018/02/14,"I’m such a bitter person. I just want to die. I’m so tired of living life feeling bitter towards everyone and everything. All I can think of is getting out of bed, going out and jumping off a bridge. I’m so sick and tired of feeling alone and like I have nothing waiting for me. I have no one who would do anything for me. I just want one person to care. I feel like my relationship is fake and not real. I just want to die. ",-0.1737575757575769,2.0117632000000008,2.2853535353535364,93.25045454545456,89.22222222222223,4.606060606060606,20.404040404040398,6.11248444174946,0.10722222222222212,328,11,72,3,11,112,52,90,0.294,0.564,0.142,-0.9649,0,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,1,22,21,7,2,4,4,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,0,5,10,3,13,20,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829592905145608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537041348886615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010956416952362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366675964961236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879956556004905,0.1587643763146798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679632792316002,0.12620097869149013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229393081158514,0.0,0.10039600284574353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477527789034056,0.17260752039947952,0.0,0.1559878851145637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950337184396275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394093654821583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084932698062821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106985230352475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965927186607212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319214551577605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060734029207145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125836485209798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548926274569613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Theendistonight,2018/02/14,"Why not tonight I have already tried once. Week in the psych ward and I convinced everyone I was ok. There are very few people left in my life. I was betrayed by half of them, may get me fired because of talking about my depression. 
I don’t hate my self. I just don’t care to see tomorrow. I see no future. I don’t even want one. Every day it is a struggle not to try again. All day thinking of a way not to screw it up again. 

I just don’t care any more. ",-0.7486363636363649,1.2814261818181834,1.3345707070707071,100.18852272727274,90.21212121212122,4.512121212121213,19.36111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.30873131313131275,348,11,86,3,12,115,68,99,0.185,0.6829999999999999,0.132,-0.8227,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,2,1,3,1,10,2,0,0,1,10,18,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,2,3,14,4,11,15,3,13,0,1,2,1,3,4,1,1,8,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471771648160926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231728129958858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861076355769765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967631881609677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25096881487936296,0.0,0.16758666721358015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851457269397007,0.0,0.1639373450608093,0.1859242014731496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016571063440188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921019619044406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114056821726528,0.0,0.13743367068737591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072154124939563,0.13184866606374324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489340714950313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31010125031506336,0.0,0.2029835604696672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341143573649664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563915525356257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246754350239519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642065248649167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605442781779376,0.11476503716504377,0.1544441219389957,0.15607586725532027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557315452398392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingawaytrashqt,2018/02/14,"feelings being 18 and liking someone who's 14 (almost 15) in a country where the legal age is 15.. i feel a bit fucked up, but is it fucked up liking someone who's 3 years younger than you?",5.761499999999997,4.18128815,6.665000000000003,82.90000000000003,67.5,8.0,32.5,3.1291,1.556,146,5,31,0,2,49,31,40,0.198,0.652,0.15,-0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,1,4,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036223065994687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33102819594856464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30662547583696675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5606279005746739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296267439482551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138198814860837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952581285870676
suicidewatch,Helium-Love,2018/02/14,"parents of ~10 years divorce, mainly due to monetary reasons my parents told me and my 3 sisters on Christmas day that they were going to divorce. i felt absolutely terrible. Now i feel i have nothing to live for anymore- my grades are suffering, my mom is homeless, very depressed...  i have wanted to kill myself many times over the past few weeks, but i've have tried to stay strong and not.  I need to feel better, and i cant. i need help. ",3.607624584717609,5.378703383720932,4.431661129568108,85.17197674418605,73.30232558139534,6.774750830564784,29.727574750830563,7.447530270364453,1.83184584717608,345,15,66,4,7,111,63,86,0.113,0.7929999999999999,0.094,0.0814,2,0,0,0,2,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,1,6,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,12,15,4,1,3,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,3,14,2,10,12,2,11,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,0,7,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834382915477755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688158079202568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898187469038425,0.0,0.17225759718960654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224954157743705,0.0,0.1920290122877392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366321689664655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340541423352392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212676575300808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660150121980225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276612535400496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342347139716156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29659129907755394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190304367212271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441472234400852,0.0,0.19092029215038225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056307914628641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317077831617195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662018003643905,0.0,0.0,0.19110623021307868,0.0,0.1357852086080468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501892460351011,0.11796373704497405,0.0,0.16042597134783798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879186534715736
suicidewatch,plantbug,2018/02/14,Drained I think I'm going to attempt again tonight but I don't have a method atm....,-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444438,-0.13888888888888928,106.745,102.88888888888887,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.6168,65,3,16,0,3,20,16,18,0.127,0.873,0.0,-0.1901,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635539956669031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7481283946185223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,codenamekieron,2018/02/14,"I give it until the end of year. I'm going to be gone by the end of the year.

I've realised that people don't actually care about you, and that's fine. People are selfish by nature and when they say they care and are there to talk, it's to fuel their ego and make themselves feel good about themselves, as opposed to wanting to seriously see you get better.

Fuck relationships and fuck emotions.

I would have been dead already on Monday if everything went to plan however evidently I can't even kill myself right, fuckin hell.",5.132968099861305,6.164501436893206,5.729153952843276,80.19514563106799,68.6116504854369,8.215811373092926,28.30651872399445,8.418075326091056,1.9355198335644943,420,14,80,6,7,136,72,103,0.218,0.687,0.095,-0.9395,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,3,2,5,12,5,0,3,0,8,3,0,1,0,11,22,9,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,3,3,9,5,15,17,0,12,1,0,1,3,9,2,4,1,7,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1799452091411491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348705560348915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308446681372468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760107654537374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742219398769335,0.3266426313818362,0.0,0.0,0.12179270731894355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572444372992748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932368381823156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34094474833633753,0.09634000207377827,0.17689073584910367,0.10479726063573283,0.15466374436303235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400834156860884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308665969599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556758025463267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797373981383304,0.0,0.15747432515073853,0.0,0.14664016995871693,0.0,0.0,0.14694081000758388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821160111144618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876233168649586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093818626799653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309905833118956,0.0,0.0,0.2374916890276129
suicidewatch,large_stone,2018/02/14,"Need coping advice I’ve wanted to kill myself for a few years. I have no fear of death but I’m terrified of pain. I’ve been waiting till I turn 18 so I can buy a gun and use that to end it. That’s less than a month away, but I’ve been pushed to my limit. Does anyone have advice on how I can push through till then?",-0.3908928571428554,1.167152013888888,1.8603174603174608,100.04500000000002,84.41666666666667,4.669841269841268,14.452380952380953,5.288315135182226,-1.2073119047619048,243,3,63,1,7,82,51,72,0.298,0.7020000000000001,0.0,-0.97,0,0,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,0,6,1,0,2,0,9,12,8,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,12,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5178619650465043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527702388576126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489531957054164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318818373011977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346896356160655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981710942891937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931561207600353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21150090843626446,0.0,0.0,0.19647596865107786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819526039635823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882172439448957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22885374724897165,0.0,0.0,0.15628940952547554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063552826507694
suicidewatch,AppropriateScheme,2018/02/14,Lost my job today. I just dont even know anymore why I try.,-2.790714285714288,-1.1280372142857118,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,99.71428571428572,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.581028571428571,45,1,12,0,2,16,13,14,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634540537045869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295169946941606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24205949393283335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36367922373375294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141024528098994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000610216769704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473843652302447,0.0,0.0,0.24881885517701685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33069517363971884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doesntmatter1237,2018/02/14,"I'm ordering rope on Amazon, and I have a spot in the forest picked out I got fired from my job, my girlfriend doesn't love me, I have no friends, I'm grossly overweight, I'm not good at anything, I'm failing out of college, and I'm tens of thousands of dollars in debt. It's over. I don't know when I'm doing it, but soon",2.1241666666666674,2.5606730833333344,3.956555555555557,92.344,75.1111111111111,6.315555555555558,28.288888888888888,5.6839178017228535,0.8778188888888891,250,10,60,1,5,85,49,72,0.225,0.7240000000000001,0.051,-0.8170000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,8,14,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,7,3,11,13,0,10,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,36,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37883238516556894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35566860993211424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861233668762352,0.3681874082797336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568306342327066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25299869799557145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41548775220724027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HououinKyoumasLaugh,2018/02/14,I took 400mg of tramadol. This was a few hours ago. I’m vomiting now. Will I die? I don’t want to. Made a stupid mistake due to horrible situation I’ve been in recently (recurrent miscarriages and complications). Please advise. Had an ambulance out who did my obs and said I was okay but that was before I was puking.,0.3357142857142854,2.7422134444444453,2.9749365079365084,84.95478571428573,97.09523809523807,7.599365079365079,22.173015873015874,8.238735603445708,2.09899492063492,249,10,50,8,10,86,51,63,0.203,0.727,0.07,-0.8422,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,9,1,0,1,0,7,14,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,1,6,1,5,3,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510347013595543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26408203559611354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220906966781298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056288136460815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936573868461458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406672903280065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30642975402448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952106149456505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488424983285971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34480640960938663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305042188581536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buttraconteur,2018/02/14,"I’m tired of living by a little pill every morning. I’m not fit to live and let me explain why. I can’t go on in life without a little capsule the same size as my finger nails. It is so pathetic. Natural selection is coming for me, and its time for me to answer it. I’m too weak live, so its time for me to die. Its what I want anyway, I’ve weighed out my options for the future and though those do make me happy, its not the same as the content feeling I will have when I can jump out of the game now. If I cant live unassisted, whats the point of going on if I don’t even want to go on",1.191503759398497,1.913030593984964,3.703766917293233,92.19715413533838,77.64661654135338,6.5230075187969945,22.32255639097745,6.742157984588678,0.37184270676691655,451,12,111,4,10,159,78,133,0.123,0.7979999999999999,0.079,-0.8390000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,8,0,10,6,1,1,0,20,22,11,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,6,1,0,3,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,2,13,1,21,20,2,20,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,3,5,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490075550854918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952665501584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425212000502015,0.0,0.14574369916627208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746423870025657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949267520672512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414117022198395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688448411868887,0.12218138306770587,0.0,0.3467442073131563,0.6109805040659978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546595953217627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352267247929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995265810284235,0.0,0.2017328728543714,0.198815866551172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405699561846505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608817505935152,0.0,0.0,0.16674722061910854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bersekker,2018/02/14,I will kill myself after college's finals I'm sorry.,-0.2681818181818194,1.804562636363638,3.7186363636363637,78.19795454545455,104.45454545454544,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-0.5599454545454545,43,1,6,0,2,16,10,11,0.5,0.5,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712666052288797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5769512183015644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5837651560778631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ComprehensivePlate,2018/02/15,"I just want to not exist anymore I don't find any joy in anything anymore
everything I used to love and enjoy is just dull

I have a chronic condition that I have to treat everyday otherwise it'll kill me, and it'll probably kill me in 30-40 years anyways

Just going out into the world and watching things, everything seems pointless.  Eating is pointless, just to hold off hunger

It's winter and everything is cold and dead.  The sun sets early as fuck.  

I have no friends to speak of that I can talk to and keep company with.  I have had the last 3 days off of work and have only seen my mom in those 3 days.  Not counting fast food employees or just random people 

Just got dumped and my ex is already seeing new people.  They already have a date lined up for tomorrow

I work a shitty minimum wage job.  My college degree in business admin hasn't done shit for me.  I have to live with my parents because I make so little 

Even looking on dating apps the people there just look like people.  Not someone I could live a life with.  My ex with all their flaws seemed to me like the best person for me.  Life is pointless without someone to enjoy life with and share all your things with.  

Why can't I just not exist.  Why did I have to exist in the first place?  I feel so empty, alone, and everything in life and everything I do seems so pointless.  Just shit to prolong my life until I eventually die.  

Oh and I'm pretty ugly and dull so finding someone else to date is probably next to impossible.  ",3.653836662749708,5.181216040540543,4.617643948296124,84.8784723854289,72.7162162162162,7.309988249118684,26.720916568742656,7.893859768569023,1.5894264394829607,1172,41,229,16,23,381,155,296,0.149,0.733,0.118,-0.8972,4,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,1,2,4,16,18,6,0,10,0,25,13,2,2,2,51,42,20,4,2,15,4,1,2,1,2,6,1,0,1,8,21,3,2,6,0,1,1,9,8,0,1,5,8,31,10,39,34,3,33,0,2,5,2,13,15,3,5,18,150,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229455262904168,0.19667758939059976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060600131994580725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675299011251075,0.0,0.0,0.07333269188309366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432266939720468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351896014042577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114975660432063,0.0,0.0,0.11494147369743593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924855853199379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091193893786799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118520146499924,0.07444276689871553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885852544724211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40044665248158107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045058385954120685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289597002551334,0.07579976769442473,0.1077562132872559,0.0,0.06884875107296,0.08238385363052274,0.0,0.0,0.050645168891570766,0.0,0.07127208449935467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843124678557737,0.07920803759604678,0.19718143110524264,0.0,0.0,0.07263927185395254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147169629829984,0.08707256040878833,0.08931498491637818,0.15737743660580314,0.0,0.14966553593307266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042827516052062,0.0,0.059483851302857285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436847533664373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606622612799977,0.09477305582820876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777471622700257,0.0,0.0,0.09894982632903547,0.0,0.0,0.2471198984190141,0.07781033760506165,0.09310448112503993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906603110362766,0.1921585210513496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101180025845873,0.2433763335708149,0.0,0.0,0.18294714083162755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265163499644472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162593301050385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184058964812244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696532018392963,0.0,0.0,0.05256136108795822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082187049729574,0.0,0.0,0.08590208678522075,0.0,0.12975115634639506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738607396883965
suicidewatch,Vexxxxor,2018/02/15,"Hot Air Balloon - One Way Trip Down the rabbit hole I go!
Anyone care to join me for the Hot Air Balloon ride? It will be my last, doesn't have to be yours. 

I'm not encouraging anyone to take their own life, just asking if anyone wants to join me for the ride up. I'm going to jump once we reach the highest altitude possible. You don't have to jump, but I won't stop you.

I don't want to die alone. I'm 30 years old and have amounted to nothing in my life. I'm over it. You see people (kids) like Jake and Logan Paul making millions per year, buying mansions at 22 years of age. Yet, I work dead end, minimum wage job struggling to pay rent.

Fucken over it. I have no kids, no friends I can trust or feel comfortable with at what I've done with my life. I'm tired, tired of this life. 

Join me. Explore with me, journey with me. Let's go on an adventure quest. Once I die I will get all the answers to every question I've ever asked. Once I die I will choose a new body to be reborn in, but I will make it so that I keep all of my memories of every life I've ever lived. 

Join me, you've everything to loose, and potentially nothing to gain. I could be making a huge mistake, but I'm willing to take my chances. 

I was fucked over in this life, but will come back with a vengeance. Join me and If I have any power in the after life I will change everything.

Or, I could just be met with emptiness, nothingness. Or maybe some of us are time travellers, and when we die we wake up in our own timelines. 

I will venture into the next life regardless, anyone want to come with me up on this hot air 🎈?  

Message me. Pay for your own fair though, I will not assist you in taking your own life. 

Adults only. 

This is my Journey through Wonderland.",1.7914721083585832,3.365702232044203,3.1437515594368186,93.3221983603636,77.78453038674033,6.107431830333272,22.174656923899484,6.828538100315305,0.3877683835323471,1336,38,304,13,31,435,178,362,0.131,0.715,0.154,0.8439,4,1,0,0,0,1,52.0,5,7,1,3,9,10,1,1,11,0,31,14,2,3,4,53,60,17,5,9,13,0,4,1,1,10,11,0,1,3,10,18,0,2,5,1,5,14,9,3,0,2,3,5,47,7,50,39,8,54,0,0,1,1,23,22,1,7,18,186,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844916448672253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547678260029785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281688248998415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525314342742157,0.0,0.0,0.0627295152286305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061631140854673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317562497210829,0.0,0.08630017746039499,0.14054684171128431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302690093003422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33866610791635393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083484039614589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225512539496938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147586457323761,0.13746830894169546,0.0,0.1466365907237585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124899071375961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302803426101762,0.0754188313986508,0.04262186415131571,0.0,0.1390903418133295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095495655744579,0.07251151007897251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649809101481875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834204533332153,0.5185974210034928,0.0398555691651103,0.0,0.07203609587478345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633646286736882,0.0,0.08195746215773103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878988310715399,0.08676060664385364,0.0,0.0,0.15655524961163486,0.0,0.08560384655694843,0.2606381633022716,0.055280305879291815,0.06204480211789865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655687714519054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196850457011348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138758699498076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650082116214959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820402282961162,0.0,0.08528449109544367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401264554623648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015133636374222,0.0,0.047569598287749135,0.18752701572633265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812996142988042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435291341509826,0.06475392248503067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059390767444284814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576033572074708
suicidewatch,Throwawayflowers2,2018/02/15,"I just don't understand it I'm 20 years old, I have a stable decent paying job, I own a car and I have friends and a loving family but still everyday I'm hoping someone runs into my car or that I lose control and run of the road. I've never told anybody how I feel because I feel so guilty about how I feel because I don't feel like I have a reason to be sad, there's so many people living in terrible conditions, I feel like I don't deserve to feel this sad. It's been months since I had a day that I didn't cry my eyes out for no real reason. I want it all to end so badly but I know it would destroy my family and I couldn't ever put them through a suicide, which is why I wish someone else would accidentally end it for me. I feel like a massive burden and I don't want to inconvenience anyone by talking about my problems. 

Sorry for the wall of text, it's the first time I've ever vented like this and I just don't know what to do. Also obviously a throwaway account.",2.1956457345971567,3.217820800947869,4.484878554502373,86.39660693127966,75.58767772511848,6.981161137440759,24.087973933649288,7.413659706084162,0.9654950236966826,763,23,168,9,16,267,113,211,0.277,0.625,0.098,-0.993,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,3,14,15,1,0,11,0,17,2,1,5,5,42,35,15,1,8,5,0,7,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,12,0,2,5,9,8,0,1,4,8,27,7,17,27,2,23,0,3,1,1,5,5,0,2,17,110,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423208603851124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239251635720317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838675917400344,0.14366145046943007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321612416626791,0.0,0.0,0.1294354989110758,0.07599340668316458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843547811898827,0.0,0.20873251562250272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317582898518214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221674738268503,0.0,0.4170641104042861,0.252542646647825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022983676118144,0.0,0.0,0.09103852546188687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703609592100678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693240889124915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295173527609887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230271642819108,0.0,0.1040498886783069,0.0,0.0,0.13182649527395696,0.0,0.0,0.10635010021165672,0.0,0.0,0.11946553469303214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405425288266124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088111393169536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236473270312711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169150062183941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275155777625555,0.0,0.11845606645305573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412128597922796,0.0,0.24230667137889586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747379086516887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968132243889108,0.0,0.0,0.1319059060671384,0.0,0.0,0.09410266304021336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288916521282325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471078595453476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871015629325228,0.0,0.0,0.11259576980975335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266971259027265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390035036262798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063271716910382,0.0,0.1355036856385738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741228088864465,0.0,0.0,0.07588145717608764
suicidewatch,TAURUS930,2018/02/15,"Depressed I feel extremely depressed , I’m not talented , I don’t do sport and I have no hobbies , I sit inside all day , I hate school , my friends are picks . I’m literally always so fucking sad , all I can think about is how untalented I am , I see bits of dust on my desk or in my room and it drives me insane . I have frequent panic attack’s and terrible anxiety , I want to learn to draw but I become frustrated and just give up . My family members don’t bat an eyelid to ask if I’m okay and I hate to be one of those attention seeking pricks who are always posting deep shit on Instagram saying their goin to kill themselves but I genuinely want to end my life , I can’t think of how too but I seriously want too end my life , my head is banging , my eyes are sore , my mouth is constantly dry and I just feel ill , I spent ages making my pc setup look good and it just makes me feel like crap because I don’t like it , it feels messy and just infuriates me . I don’t know what to do . I don’t want to hear the whole fucking you deserve to live bullshit because I can’t find any truth in it , just an empty statement .",1.890387931034485,3.5206003663793126,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,77.66379310344827,7.053793103448276,24.53103448275862,7.908726449838941,1.2313303448275863,863,30,190,14,20,292,131,232,0.273,0.638,0.08900000000000001,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,1,0,11,23,10,1,3,1,20,12,6,5,3,42,46,16,1,5,11,0,4,2,1,0,4,2,1,0,8,8,0,0,11,1,1,1,9,16,0,1,1,9,36,7,18,44,4,16,0,3,3,2,8,7,5,2,8,114,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840920677595652,0.0,0.0,0.08924967000870672,0.0,0.100400456457674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226943915710732,0.1493077414043975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600089028890615,0.1449474677554451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328325116999174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182694602949192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464081067288749,0.0,0.2260786285777092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324845023692531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237241223324314,0.0,0.26544140715005976,0.09375995135502528,0.0,0.0,0.11995362957151125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013979361352344,0.24266388565712302,0.0,0.12590014513303574,0.0,0.11008031465669986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591503776317355,0.13469307520146662,0.0,0.1479202825965108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520081952594766,0.0,0.07212766351955786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540147796963105,0.12823729961499905,0.0,0.1158898819324368,0.0,0.1102109785412472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521130482361824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893358313970924,0.0,0.0,0.1539852609705376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569441578778018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436961885830176,0.0,0.13282481780030295,0.10458359629247016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347189470620238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819029721273848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096418425443864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652800678794564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaynnttt,2018/02/15,"Are the unemployed supposed to kill themselves? I need money to live and I need a job to have money. So if no one will hire me does that mean I should kill myself?

I've been out of college for a year and have been unemployed the entire time. I've applied to hundreds of jobs and received hundreds of rejection letters. I don't see the point of continuing. It's hopeless and pointless.",2.283947368421053,4.758882394736844,3.4860526315789464,86.98986842105263,80.3157894736842,5.905263157894738,27.921052631578952,7.1686216300943375,1.625505263157895,306,14,58,4,8,99,51,76,0.235,0.765,0.0,-0.9625,6,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,12,6,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,2,1,6,0,10,8,0,6,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,3,39,8,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153783836921477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884656988424992,0.0,0.544583329109497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732555614672275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680932390915985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649848306786697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677504622211947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23265983449659824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612314594759975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435126276350599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584910862615381
suicidewatch,Buckeye451,2018/02/15,I'm afraid of existing The past couple of days my anxiety has gotten worse. I've been having these weird feelings where I'm feeling anxious thinking about my existence and things around me and thinking about the past and future and home I will one day be dead no matter how much i don't want to. Add to the mix also feeling like reality isn't what I think.,4.544583333333332,5.582263180555557,5.267666666666667,82.944,69.97222222222221,7.982222222222222,28.288888888888888,8.238735603445708,1.865735555555556,287,10,56,4,5,93,53,72,0.214,0.6990000000000001,0.087,-0.8632,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,15,17,6,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,3,6,1,7,13,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770335042983262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935126598866684,0.25009073356111056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707068063984626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494722242343986,0.0,0.2855371170110841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358015486136756,0.15815034135530268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205717077393236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815264094901504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627360937730117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500094265006396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226549655166255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470717106314424,0.4255444760651332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057270825273026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22560003349060756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,richy17nl,2018/02/15,"I feel so alone I feel like ending it all tonight, i am so lonely, my family yells at me for being depressed. My friends tell me that they are there for me, but they always leave me out. I’m just done with it. I just want a soulmate, just someone who i can trust, someone who i can tell everything. I wish i could just make new friends, but i have really bad social anxiety.


It seems like life just isn’t for me. ",1.3062790697674416,3.120295151162793,2.7350581395348854,94.60049418604652,80.04651162790697,6.16046511627907,21.21511627906977,7.1686216300943375,0.4040279069767445,317,9,73,4,8,103,54,86,0.147,0.5920000000000001,0.262,0.9284,0,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,17,16,4,0,3,7,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,18,5,6,13,1,5,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,1,5,51,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428069699184434,0.0,0.0,0.1641191121787376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088772144185444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468679161723462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747973694990555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988214165724794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184454719709666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469570393750325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726619599269336,0.0,0.1859399007215064,0.0,0.19946049308090952,0.1409079791228135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047735853432523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088482120033304,0.0,0.0,0.13931613236531046,0.1927225694528668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165893606686513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904951934872176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635671099359708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955948513737655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010608896719009,0.33424087361378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447921334758154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633700117756995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681575678959345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AllOverMyTransBody,2018/02/15,"It's just a matter of when When depression and anxiety started back in 2010 I felt hopeful things would change for the better, but with each passing year that hope became smaller and smaller. I was unsure if it was still there for the past couple of years, but now I can say with certainty that it's completely gone.

Depression, social anxiety, general anxiety & other specific anxieties of mine have been overwhelming and crippling for a few years now, but I have reached a new low. The emotional pain becomes more and more unbearable and I think I've reached my limit.

Whenever I snap from my daydreams and stop to really think about my life I realize how fucked I am. No matter which path I choose it will always end in more pain than happiness. I will always be a miserable person who will maybe get one or two ""ok"" moments and I don't think that's worth it. Pretty much my only life plan right now is to remain a shut in until I'm around 28 and finally kill myself.

I'm not sure how much it's just depression & anxiety at play, or how I might just have a rotted personality, I've had them for so long it's hard to think of myself without them. People used to describe me as calm, I think I was, even if I always had a few specific anxieties, but now I'm scared of everything. I feel like people that know me well enough (just barely really) hate me, again I'm not sure how much is it just anxiety making me overthinkg and look for hidden meanings or just me being perceptive and good at reading between the lines.

And even in the miracle chance that I manage to worth through all of that with therapy, medication, etc I will still have the same disgusting body. I will admit my ""dream self"" have become more and more idealized the worse I've gotten mentally, but I'd be more than happy with a appearance I felt at least ok with. I know looks are not everything, but they're pretty important to me and are hugely tied to my self confidence. I'm trans so it's not that I'm just a ugly girl, I'm for all intents and purposes a guy, and if I ever transition I'll just look like a balding guy in a dress.

I used to feel guilty about killing myself because of how my parents would react but the more I think the less I care about it. They played a huge role in me being the way I am, from the smaller things even back when I was a functioning, happy child to their borderline emotionally abusive behavior through the years.

I don't want to be in pain anymore, I want to fall asleep and never wake up.",5.10612951807229,5.7111469497992005,5.928370983935743,80.27761671686747,68.4578313253012,9.75913654618474,29.417921686746983,9.827888789773867,2.659760843373494,1983,69,392,44,32,652,229,498,0.203,0.63,0.168,-0.9737,1,0,0,0,0,2,48.0,0,0,4,4,37,34,5,3,26,2,34,11,4,10,6,97,73,41,2,10,26,1,5,2,0,8,6,1,0,8,22,23,0,2,17,4,2,4,9,15,1,2,11,9,51,19,54,49,20,49,0,6,3,1,18,17,1,10,29,277,73,2,0.0,0.08145098430930216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160277825899473,0.14896926124253204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681254486979901,0.0,0.0681760659369237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119717441583949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572054521583647,0.0,0.04190600553163027,0.15184578547524616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060798918557199634,0.0,0.0763596355929366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008959330125535,0.0,0.07272255954858897,0.0,0.07207729413066204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606447516522045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762859607248513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546566061820932,0.06088721731352016,0.07103143895265883,0.07666828269246694,0.13621526999753722,0.06218333059754156,0.0,0.0,0.12356623722824255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951856350184722,0.049111080310990304,0.13201098979807502,0.07530623306712238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635531770486845,0.035916160835687584,0.0,0.0,0.057659620079085226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613571427863058,0.0,0.21953937676034269,0.06158156390651761,0.06787095569356587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655758777431418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211119472446746,0.0,0.0755603522518943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971125383786244,0.06717017478400382,0.0,0.0,0.06083671400322739,0.1731841838674948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588748361229245,0.0,0.06906308419762018,0.07488290719890163,0.0,0.06925284550427734,0.0692782811613359,0.07292704462315383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160533898870251,0.0,0.053019991802919386,0.0663938607625216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046583048314308886,0.052283285498109004,0.21944696566483152,0.0,0.0763326253203564,0.0,0.06562439820693393,0.0953175529206965,0.12005008127467025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987572915483526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876309732261722,0.0,0.08807896643000597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870742233609207,0.0,0.05466838089931222,0.06882523115425583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343099989798253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007635452261764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048657706740191146,0.0,0.10979888355626638,0.057473475230754786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958174423717278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861532012965157,0.0,0.09134157448409852,0.2642921761766064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715338175655901,0.0,0.0,0.1187463417818498,0.0,0.0,0.08109456744094891,0.05456617961282236,0.0,0.0,0.06180955606535009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626723914611758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005651248028648,0.0976682324459092,0.0,0.0,0.17707680125899591
suicidewatch,DrolfPjertegsn,2018/02/15,"Getting more and more suicidal I've been feeling depressive for quite a while now, now I'm getting more suicidal everyday. Everything's just going to shit kinda. I always have the urge to end it now, but i just can't... Because of my parents, they'd be devastated, they are the only thing keeping me here... There is also a girl, wich didn't make my sadness better, but worse... Tomorrow i have an operation for my heart, because of all the shit that could be wrong, it's my heart. I kinda have the wish that something would fail and I could just die, without doing it myself... I just have nobody to talk to, reason writing it here",5.0975,5.794224065040653,6.043648373983737,79.1171798780488,68.51219512195122,8.751626016260163,30.822154471544714,8.841846274778883,2.48529349593496,492,19,93,8,8,163,76,123,0.247,0.6729999999999999,0.08,-0.9787,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,3,11,7,2,0,7,0,16,4,4,2,1,21,24,6,3,4,7,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,14,1,9,16,4,8,0,3,0,0,6,0,2,2,7,72,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301482462753613,0.13541805150047065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984174034768763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393597530091665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598795331690286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017324553216706,0.0,0.16890508052946931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414501467053792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626598047939626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228947550887136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005656553202309,0.0,0.09249253600404286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385710561841618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144656488062009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863449325379512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377597938730853,0.0,0.0,0.18071062995024104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310084121264285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733041613816854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341137048320187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529013844800746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560363181850331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080940063564112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081214840731174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715034115344584,0.15688173282263132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658524968753214,0.11561038112703295,0.17793765233866193,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sinistertm,2018/02/15,"Wish I didn't fail Friday night I took a bunch of xnax and NyQuil and parked my car in the garage and attached a hose to my exhaust and put it in the window and for whatever reason I walked out and went back into the apartment, if I could do it again I woulda stayed in my car, I wish I died that night. No one cares. I stayed for people that just didn't want blood on their hands not because they love me or care about me. Maybe one day I'll try something again and go through with it. ",3.208186813186813,3.6918154230769247,3.4792857142857163,96.58,72.65384615384616,6.327472527472527,21.587912087912088,5.288315135182226,-0.22453956043956053,380,7,92,1,7,117,70,104,0.117,0.75,0.134,0.4329,0,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,4,4,2,1,0,19,13,9,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,10,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,2,0,2,4,1,15,3,13,8,1,22,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,2,6,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389255470978427,0.0,0.11013591981163703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684141081702856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425181926708078,0.0,0.0,0.11651843577134305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875089188649692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268001042260777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630634532868371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815092182286915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390966982358389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485592499881234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525515414719726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816251721452837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576081503847447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909006366880303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38514443523453945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073314054201893,0.1226643677328612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656497396410622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674846712704517,0.0,0.0,0.41552756169190697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arctic_Fox_17,2018/02/15,"Life seems so cruel and sad On paper I am doing quite well. I was selected for quite a good rowing team, up untill now I have passed all my courses in uni and overall I am just very lucky in so many ways.

But here I am, wishing I was never born. The past years I have known no happiness. Forever struggling through the day. My will to life has completely disappeared. It feels like I have lost the ability to enjoy activities and to marvel at wonders. On the other hand the issue I take with discomfort, pain etc seems to have increased dramatically. Everyday the balance ticks negative. Everyday I wish I could trade back the twenty-four hours to non-existence.

If my / all suffering had a purpose or meaning then it might be more easier to bear. 
If. Life is tragic in that way. 

There is an end though. We are all going to die one day and here we are telling each other to keep delaying the inevitable while we ourselves may be barely holding on. For what it's worth, I think you are all beautiful people. It truly saddens me to know other people are feeling similar things to how I am feeling. 

The only consolation that is offered are empty sayings only further emphasizing how people do not and perhaps cannot understand what it is like. I am desperately looking for reasons to live. Real reasons. Platitudes do not help. ""It gets better"" fades away in bitter disappointment of hope lost, again. ""Happiness is in the little things."" Tell me, would you be willing to live a life consisting of intense pain if all you got for it were fleeting moments of pleasure? Only a fool would.

If my parents, and especially my mom, weren't such great people I would not know if I'd still be here. It is an absurd situation. But then life is absurd.

Truly, I don't know what else to do than to simply exist.",3.2528708133971307,5.688929263157895,4.6336895268474265,80.30011961722491,76.54385964912281,7.420308346624137,27.03030303030303,8.391295532112219,2.1942035087719294,1416,57,252,28,33,469,193,342,0.162,0.669,0.16899999999999998,-0.1035,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,3,3,0,6,16,25,2,2,16,0,45,8,1,4,6,60,68,23,1,12,12,2,4,2,0,7,7,1,0,0,18,11,0,3,15,1,2,4,9,13,1,1,8,7,29,12,36,48,9,40,0,6,1,0,14,13,0,13,23,192,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738900889920542,0.07152144683324327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226265977402594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752262154013132,0.0,0.0,0.07426351047617608,0.0,0.0,0.11997170114786168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653306718248708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770063403312584,0.0,0.08238213049360513,0.0,0.10373435916718947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109087973212658,0.06644868340802837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859558343024988,0.0,0.05286157268904105,0.07801509996930206,0.07439119185342817,0.1025474349830133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198028665487386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234481992327257,0.0,0.0,0.09238314306587153,0.09159931381092977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708166597173908,0.0,0.08267444908524342,0.0,0.0,0.15335294682557504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284900411886854,0.09088315000241133,0.09322371058700396,0.16426480524852666,0.0,0.07810770286607907,0.0,0.20306989679570925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430083510677212,0.0,0.10131869552906288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867235803735044,0.0,0.10893599263661703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173755143032423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302818447521917,0.21222230076771148,0.19794530893335754,0.0,0.10328020523060928,0.0,0.08879167048823991,0.257934700566461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786207829562172,0.0,0.10586944013546602,0.0,0.19126622185791628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739678685910514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693515364435506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455078856534898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428050050807562,0.0,0.0,0.09723764281218328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993438733006936,0.0,0.1625953580594908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235877387842034,0.0595991340133756,0.09138504452743464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683007211489196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674567125728778,0.0,0.1476591747083452,0.0,0.0,0.08363008096277018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392129116730632,0.0,0.10086890046246837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982218294442893,0.0,0.0,0.059897482560224875
suicidewatch,dog2234,2018/02/15,"I am getting therapy but I’m getting worse I have been struggling to find my purpose forever now. I’m 16 turning seventeen in three days. My life has been fine. I am in an upper middle class family. I struggle everyday to find happiness. The only happiness I get is from video games, which I play all the free time I have. I go to a private school which is known for its difficult work, and I feel like I’m fucking dying in class the past week. I don’t understand anything. I got a therapist last Friday and I’m seeing him again tomorrow. But since then everything has just been getting worse. I don’t get why I’m on this earth. I get pleasure out of nothing, and no one helps me in school because I hide it in front of everyone. But I hate everyone at my school. I have no social interactions or friends. My one “friend” is a condescending asshole, so I basically have no one. My sister moved out, my parents are split, my cockhole brother just moved back into the apartment. We moved into an apartment because we are building a house. For some reason the apartment setting is fucking tearing me apart and I hate my living situation. I just hate everything and nothing makes me happy but music, I don’t get why I am or what I’m doing with my life.",2.535,4.832036097560977,4.1888008130081325,83.28734756097563,78.26829268292683,7.189430894308942,28.542682926829272,8.212053250817874,2.2334341463414624,984,45,186,19,24,329,131,246,0.14300000000000002,0.687,0.17,0.743,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,0,1,7,18,5,2,11,0,22,4,0,2,1,30,47,13,1,0,9,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,3,1,5,6,8,0,4,4,2,36,11,20,43,2,34,0,0,1,2,12,17,2,3,12,123,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708370491393944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202764050836462,0.0,0.1142026157890704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060410400964082976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972162808227504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901436184920191,0.16837189963174626,0.0,0.08830520146973983,0.0,0.047363150562137885,0.06691897455495817,0.0,0.0,0.1712282007202771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474081545681916,0.173195678485449,0.3425766337247751,0.0,0.053235700939194455,0.0,0.07491769617441517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991453226890033,0.0,0.2774437903819863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278606593994394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808439295440883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763548160168437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232597294896534,0.04576318815182879,0.0,0.08271369543322815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252648748097023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986741026179746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797607585141593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042280103172704,0.07124143532869111,0.0,0.0,0.10401117180032736,0.0,0.08942009432465084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963099551208449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844018306597286,0.07464409823189103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748607473546168,0.10529074769990236,0.0,0.09548634962839242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958516861854458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712158181152344,0.10875989012677224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462063451485906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188774872673154,0.0,0.097515387810202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513766781138191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904800970465006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819400455115271,0.0,0.1909186255480629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGoodge,2018/02/15,"Words of encouragement Hey guys,

Listen, I have been thinking of killing myself for a while now (in fact I think about doing it everyday). I was hoping that I may get some encouragement to keep going 

so I could push myself the rest of the way. I've been dealing with severe and recurrent mdd for a while now. All I ask is for a few encouraging words.

Thank you in advance.",2.6242857142857154,4.881463561643837,3.9949510763209415,84.99520547945207,77.76712328767123,6.911154598825831,22.757338551859107,7.957251820313856,1.1949585127201567,292,9,58,5,7,96,53,73,0.091,0.7240000000000001,0.185,0.743,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,13,17,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,9,5,11,12,4,11,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,5,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510958096801125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495650409545316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033870076924689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374776015891833,0.0,0.16724458944058654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913808249680263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29228379042316643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615672139727072,0.32557426712414705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324496225295801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709310299659041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771220639883811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358364871683715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway2209x,2018/02/15,"I have been living a lie. TLDR: It takes all of my willpower and strength to get out of bed and act like everything is ok. I am seeing a doctor. I am tired and scared.


I don’t know how long I can keep up with this charade. I put up an act that everything is ok for decades. I did it too well. Everybody thinks my life is great. Nobody but a few who can keep a secret and my doctors know I am depressed however, I don’t think they all know how severe it really is. I kept up with appearances for so long because I don’t want to bring others down with me. I don’t know how to stop. I have a hard time expressing how I really feel in front of others. It is hard to even know what words to say. To put it bluntly, I honestly just want to end it all. I know it’s selfish yes. I am a terrible person for wanting to do it. For searching for ways to end it as painlessly as possible. I know I will put this pain on other people if I do it, but I don’t know how to make it all stop. At this point, I am just existing to make my loved ones happy.  But it’s torture. The thoughts. Feeling like I have weights on me. Existing. Pain. Real excruciating pain. A black hole is sucking me in. It’s hard to describe it. I sincerely think everyone would be less burdened if I was not here. I have harmed myself just to feel something other than this overwhelming feeling. I also think I deserve it. It takes my mind off. I have tried alternatives because I don’t want others to see the scratches and bruises. It does not work. I don’t know what to do because I am certain if I let others know how bad this really is.. I might be labeled as “disabled” I don’t want that label. I’ve seen what it does to people. I worked so hard to make it look like I have it all together in my life and career. This label will tear it all down. I will be looked down on even more. I will be even more worthless than I am now. 

I will be going to the doctor again to raise my dose or switch meds but I feel like it will just be a band-aid. I am doing my best. As I said before. I am living for everyone else at this point, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I don’t know what am I doing wrong.

There’s so much more than this but I would be writing a book at this point. I will stop here. Thank you to whoever ends up actually reading this.",-0.10193290043289947,1.9600193272727289,2.2318668831168837,94.8049431818182,87.04040404040407,5.475108225108227,19.34433621933622,6.868970318607317,0.16210028860028913,1777,52,415,24,56,603,192,495,0.149,0.716,0.135,-0.9387,2,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,1,4,25,31,2,2,13,3,63,12,0,10,7,85,111,31,0,10,16,0,11,4,0,10,10,2,1,1,46,10,1,6,23,2,0,9,12,15,1,1,7,19,65,16,57,86,14,42,0,3,6,1,10,21,1,6,15,302,111,8,0.0,0.0,0.06627865563847646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054314397453172784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567091079754138,0.12420745598755502,0.0,0.057793638450065986,0.0,0.07127627228521018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849810188012203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085523786696401,0.11887186870863715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673718907021545,0.0,0.18046688699464647,0.0,0.0,0.13457857999439368,0.0,0.0,0.1297980687914211,0.12208153125363938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170816384054874,0.09704197554889696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035484611411073674,0.0,0.038599646985228116,0.0,0.0,0.07488038263389687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230050291668302,0.2433665307721517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207381614679124,0.0,0.0,0.4479147562583832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945126472543957,0.09594568593434953,0.13272618760833355,0.0,0.11994655421980788,0.12021146501750378,0.1140688634140006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129909519056995,0.0,0.1360083722809487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544213895529163,0.0,0.0,0.07205079216705493,0.0685783205078412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985582008555116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602333126134296,0.0,0.21681020801695328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417226806392363,0.05930381177693508,0.0,0.0,0.19261479837909928,0.07656790034199591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483054587504165,0.0,0.0,0.06793687663550081,0.07730611875268563,0.130530984849258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460604375560054,0.054011514804141215,0.06799826390017158,0.0,0.10824449722462064,0.0,0.0,0.07672856929445149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052286977130912016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034871385648132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213251425372444,0.0,0.0,0.06253022683130384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407772160501972,0.0,0.0539196999892475,0.039603821743436025,0.0780623210015299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611220112529474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030044597165605,0.0539105415137777,0.0,0.08270643190585021,0.061066885419740924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889094933454876,0.0,0.0,0.09649470307822663,0.07425821436393945,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,georgionic,2018/02/15,"Do people actually have a survival instinct? This is my first time posting here, this might not make a lot of sense.

I have recently noticed something weird. In movies, as much as in real life stories that I have been told, people seem to be very scared when held at gunpoint, or when they are very close to dying. Some would much rather stay alive and go to prison than kill themselves and escape everything.

Is it the normal case to have this kind of fear of death, and that survival instinct?

Speaking for myself, I am a person who will not consciously plan their own end simply because my mother and brother would be devastated.
However, the thing I wish for everyday as that if I could die in an accident or event that I had nothing to do with it.
I have survived an event last year, and was placed in a psychiatric ward. This may sound stupid, but I am still not sure whether I consciously planned for that event to happen or not.

I had the same thoughts before that I have now, nothing has changed. I go to therapy. I don't know what to do about my life I just feel stuck in a whole I can't escape. One that other people dug for me. I just don't have a reason why I should keep going other than the one mentioned above, is it the same for other ""normal/non-suicidal"" people?",5.29127988047809,5.8794096494023895,5.336889940239043,84.74087275896416,68.04382470119522,8.187350597609562,28.834910358565736,8.07648339933343,1.7596631474103592,1006,33,201,12,16,315,144,251,0.114,0.848,0.038,-0.9487,1,0,1,1,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,6,9,7,2,2,13,0,33,2,0,2,1,44,47,16,4,8,13,2,1,0,0,6,2,2,0,1,20,7,0,2,7,0,0,3,7,5,0,3,8,3,24,2,29,30,8,27,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,9,14,153,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.11743308951907434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335727798244321,0.0,0.10239926341836744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730225533841485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960805595808018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249784882332486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658425849426374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815255115111032,0.0,0.0,0.13541435226064755,0.06084679896173754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235992986844387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517355502256954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064150038748356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696245410716157,0.13313680287688126,0.12531410698840198,0.06613493333801294,0.0980919994720815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699973877978986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230755256555003,0.0,0.0,0.08032693282400732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276602104397855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692539696444368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358125051318542,0.2309362152792309,0.13700626449794634,0.0,0.0,0.1630890647347939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337104616631666,0.10507500144858456,0.12572819743744296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525108957440801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697164307880347,0.0,0.123728096794655,0.1188198244183788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047990615993798,0.0,0.0,0.10955171848888556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264251374663712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826490870195628,0.09610254092482576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163086859963302,0.0,0.11341768217781195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761764738175128,0.0,0.07994760161197574,0.0,0.0,0.09553538608594032,0.07017039044157193,0.0,0.0,0.11498866478922072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858385343014426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858684588439683,0.13435372072526686,0.13838342161454986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097014107394726,0.0,0.0,0.07749409642726135
suicidewatch,LadyPetal,2018/02/15,"I just need an answer Was it my fault I self harmed, am I the one to blame for all these spendings. When my parents found out I was blamed, and told I’ll never be able to wear short sleeve. I was never told that it wasn’t my fault, everyone went on with their day. When they got me help they spent so much money, they couldn’t send money to my grandpa to eat. All I could think of was “it’s my fault that he’s not gonna eat today”. I still self harm, I just want to hear it from someone that it wasn’t my fault, sorry. I feel miserable, I wrote my suicide note and ended up deleting it from my phone and started to cry. I cry so much now, I feel like that’s the worlds way of telling me that it’s the end. I don’t do anything around the house, I don’t mean anything. My classmates never noticed I was gone for almost the whole week, I feel so useless. I get so frustrated for nothing, I let stupid comments get to me. I’ve had suicidal thoughts, heck I even planned a day and how I’ll do it. I just don’t know if I’ll go through with it. Everyone thinks I’m getting better, treating me as if I’m a child. I know they care but it frustrates me, I really do hate change. I’m ranting sorry ",0.31802753666567085,2.1857877782101163,1.993404669260702,98.37643445076328,83.66926070038909,4.8876982939239735,20.39045196049087,5.873414542411696,-0.2198798563304396,917,27,221,6,26,299,131,257,0.179,0.777,0.044,-0.9818,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,5,2,14,16,4,1,8,0,19,3,1,1,5,38,50,15,2,6,7,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,16,8,2,0,11,0,4,4,10,12,0,1,17,4,41,4,22,28,5,25,0,2,0,0,20,6,1,3,15,136,57,0,0.11054521249186124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069506208773844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193858163653007,0.09840867606380692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776825708764486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270821158765736,0.0,0.11694217704429988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826135702894325,0.0,0.2428574502380584,0.14258503375999218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22623070004345425,0.0,0.0,0.1958204934207542,0.0,0.0,0.07301407027414501,0.0,0.0,0.21126137569396092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768494284363014,0.07897352189216354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120711967376653,0.0,0.0,0.17326593282483085,0.0,0.06282539177454632,0.0,0.08841310492708776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914051108968174,0.0,0.0,0.1245924886596526,0.0,0.07409612574022333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755433313127146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150551555692783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303996944022007,0.0,0.05400680696915841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041614384316238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625269013533774,0.0819678743494137,0.25577784830971195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607111280680886,0.12585645711071913,0.0,0.0,0.07490829691707107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227473763283202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081809379422868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064553128804555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366459981158046,0.0,0.0,0.24749262982958145,0.07824447037482556,0.0,0.08828154949307272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418370405041551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662138819535997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166581708948153,0.0,0.08776055069847823,0.0,0.0,0.10478393572985954,0.21126137569396092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520243045539484,0.08774564421993795,0.08867270147654445,0.0,0.0,0.10247651948504734,0.0,0.12341978195003295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ktwck,2018/02/15,"Broken up with... idk anymore Hi 23 F here. I’ve never really been a strong person emotionally. I got broken up with a couple weeks ago and I’ve felt myself slipping further down into a dark place. We still live together. I won’t lie, it’s pretty emotionally abusive. We didn’t have the best relationship but almost 6 years together is a long time to be with someone. We have a dog together... I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been told to move out and that I owe money from previous bills etc and I’ve been told the dog isn’t mine. I just feel like I have nothing. I have no money. We work together so I’m about to quit my job. We live together but obviously that’s not good. I don’t want to be that person that says my life is over if you break up with me. I’d never be that person. But internally that’s how I feel. Idk how to move past this. Where do I begin. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’m just so hurt and drained that it feels like I won’t ever move past this. ",-0.8038140161725096,1.314682877358489,2.057196765498656,93.7990566037736,92.86792452830187,5.292722371967655,16.533692722371967,6.868970318607317,-0.08150997304582219,758,19,177,12,28,264,109,212,0.129,0.8029999999999999,0.068,-0.8767,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,5,1,0,4,12,6,0,0,7,0,22,3,1,2,4,36,35,12,0,2,8,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,12,15,1,0,5,0,4,3,12,1,0,0,8,5,24,5,19,22,2,26,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,2,14,109,36,2,0.0,0.1418881445823474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061541245421051,0.0,0.11991568764350526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752630082357706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256737588704057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325048106090302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225375795908578,0.0,0.2694128141564261,0.0,0.0,0.13355664724983152,0.0,0.10832376646218428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816526848561489,0.17110364283136725,0.11498200154217715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044343330802603,0.09577769842728599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281984443380262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883672753046283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581331260711029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458533683215026,0.1170108814791306,0.0,0.2114888145670331,0.10597795159387684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818365965497196,0.0,0.0,0.18472234133156676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490657479606975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22863625725027795,0.0,0.3136920339293731,0.12511676876103933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218322151056922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737243478053512,0.0,0.0,0.076717066278947,0.0,0.0,0.12857028784364655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523267519602682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983984038749634,0.0,0.10146662987872827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956351847502021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982914488309835,0.0,0.0,0.2288589270474821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063363203942392,0.0,0.09605891872881406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718186938428314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771172349612311
suicidewatch,lostgirluk85,2018/02/15,please tell me if i have a chance at life I have been a heroin addict on and off since 17. I  was a prostitute until I met my partner 12 years ago. he says I will never be nothing but a whore. People i meet in life call me an angel i always try to be friendly helpful but inside i dont see a point if my addiction and the fact i was a pro will be with me forever whats the point. I tried oding on prozac not fun hurt like hell and rattled for days afterward. Is my life worth anything i have no formal education but i am an avid reader can figure most things out like helping neighbours when she had a broken leg or today pumping a neighbours flat tyre cos they didnt have a pump. i smile at everyone i meet cos i know it brightens my day when some1 smiles at me. i am dependant on my partner for everything he says he loves me then why do i feel like this  the only thing i have ever wanted is to be loved needed. im isolated other than him its lonely,1.8028542451463352,3.271242226600986,3.7734627644161134,89.27726745870761,77.47290640394088,6.549869603013619,22.28600405679513,7.285733465282438,0.6955055925818603,744,21,163,9,17,253,129,203,0.157,0.6459999999999999,0.197,0.8851,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,11,1,0,14,0,23,10,1,3,3,24,31,13,0,4,7,0,1,3,5,2,6,2,0,2,7,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,6,4,31,7,16,19,1,23,2,2,1,3,22,11,1,5,15,108,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153540525387055,0.0,0.0,0.12821306893637374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035059879241575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902494396766965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769181012793756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655939274953476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951493497825768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308335648451881,0.0,0.1382080325037433,0.1299915198794154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313343783987379,0.10332958445199816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111747142076375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938959210327432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483822274779108,0.0,0.15623411455322214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948939169932713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064867899117379,0.2119888079446092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108330946471825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724741903373257,0.11155392400150477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878428802573328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000389586412353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027394095088588,0.0,0.0,0.15876934870216938,0.2734597678065505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300442606930541,0.0,0.0,0.11525794744151467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964624318407906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642019315074296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218243367619411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710013529592438,0.0,0.0,0.1963997354131699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531137883676929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305135106401942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314228161097113
suicidewatch,aliceforgotten,2018/02/15,"I can’t feel anything Hey guys this is my first post to reddit so I really have no idea what I’m doing so bear with me. 

Today’s my dads birthday, he died when I was young. I was put on Zoloft a month ago for my depression but I still can’t shake the urge to just end it.  And I think today would be the perfect day to do it. I can’t keep faking being okay. Yet I can’t tell anyone, my younger brother has been suicidal as well and he’s the only thing holding me back I think. I practically raised him while my mom was off hitting glass dicks, she’s sober now but still not all there. I have a boyfriend who’s amazing and I know he should be one of my reasons to live but I don’t have the energy to. I’ve been suicidal since I was 11 and my brother has a loaded shotgun in his room and it’s calling my name, I have the perfect plan to do it, every time I get my finger on the trigger right about to pull it idk what stops me. I wish I wasn’t such a bitch and could just do it already. Any advice?",0.5978181818181802,2.1423749636363683,2.591818181818184,96.07272727272728,81.18181818181819,5.490909090909091,20.090909090909093,6.2581,-0.1233454545454542,772,20,188,6,20,259,128,220,0.147,0.737,0.116,-0.7159,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,14,9,1,1,10,1,29,3,2,2,3,31,38,14,3,4,6,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,11,7,0,3,6,0,0,3,8,4,1,2,7,2,33,5,16,24,1,27,0,1,0,1,16,6,2,0,17,127,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521026921352564,0.13797733945592525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717673874389397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584964340285474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883647004777346,0.0,0.12808947819273786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968784970145036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589395152142815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427656701211034,0.0,0.0,0.100383560254953,0.0,0.13406403751197316,0.0,0.16154364526623755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786270397456324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311446951196644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870303130657183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239869479478347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813224723951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412132879484605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571373214459607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383518856845267,0.0,0.0,0.08554303295778568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744479587824449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229937020386866,0.12424105160655816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547476602387458,0.11838141779954264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907292192305865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647464962232513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099715547951549,0.16003760989391924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292714536377945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875809344075725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24860999809715145,0.1301332045005039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405190921817501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604792435863086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034091965381671,0.19947281577681766,0.0,0.0,0.0907627439726157,0.0,0.2950824290239325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995109165129094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899371782054113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057170299043473,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrownawaylife987,2018/02/15,"Suicidal ideations can be scary, almost surreal Note: I am not actually considering killing myself

...but...

I own a .22 handgun. When I'm home alone I sometimes think about how quick and easy it would be to grab my gun, put in the clip, safety off, cock the gun, put it up against my head, pull the trigger, done. 

Then I can imagine my parents coming home and finding me in my room, unresponsive, bullet in the head, blood, no longer in this world, gone forever. They would be completely devastated.

The main reason it's so scary is because, unlike most other methods, a life can change within seconds; it will be no more. It might be weird, but just thinking about it makes my heart race.",6.166220930232559,6.749754488372099,6.066191860465118,80.29138081395351,66.13178294573643,8.93062015503876,32.40406976744186,8.841846274778883,2.546913953488373,535,21,102,8,8,168,92,129,0.152,0.802,0.046,-0.8496,1,1,1,3,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,7,0,15,6,5,4,0,20,21,8,2,2,4,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,2,1,12,0,11,10,4,17,0,0,0,1,2,9,1,3,3,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.16899101030103372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340686511951015,0.179354091996481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055641180007726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319314284705587,0.14917244904933022,0.18156767475827695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721520447143094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827618186329845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554491138361921,0.0,0.0,0.20520979788518431,0.0,0.0,0.3474115151095819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158929496408506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231659079290975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559373587039445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370825485229028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228714749595427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481716253343448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804978277912598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127165626035376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894221940558032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192340627271806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603301326500215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Curry_Man_Fish,2018/02/15,In a dark place I am back where I started. My parents don't know about the voices or the comments at school. I want to die. I deserve death and nothing else. But there's a quiet voice in me telling me to stop. where can I get help and how can I tell my parents I am mentally ill (no ifs buts or maybe's... I know I am mentally ill with something),-0.10050000000000026,1.8186930000000001,1.9115833333333363,98.055375,85.66666666666666,4.816666666666666,22.708333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.14743333333333375,265,10,64,2,8,88,50,75,0.212,0.7340000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9118,2,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,0,13,11,8,2,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,7,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,3,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619880779866977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863660073195898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598324590273232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006356144978766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412040443665021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315515155222397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116409113510728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424600746756868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213837051734287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678362275971709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200996749458128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320382749044609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217990536246507,0.0,0.0,0.14910949197229953,0.0,0.0,0.17612504303376306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682603010398505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242554423844778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tjp1994,2018/02/15,No other options I've had a psychotic depression in the past - now I have horrific anxiety/depression. Like it wasn't bad enough now I have an anxiety complex about being able to speak  - I feel like I have no other choice but to end it...If I can't speak properly then I can't do anything in this world. It doesn't go and life is so awful compared to how it use to be,2.4003846153846164,3.5580877564102567,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,75.28205128205127,8.78974358974359,27.102564102564106,9.2995712137729,2.2230871794871803,287,11,63,7,6,100,52,78,0.198,0.73,0.07200000000000001,-0.8582,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,12,1,0,2,0,7,15,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,3,6,2,7,11,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,44,12,0,0.2889293975919429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103019832329815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776427583802134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24124397840027234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977089335470936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559056874777866,0.2985413034088563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460913847795276,0.20641121937050733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642052350320815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407937817661148,0.2823126185516558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758158030443014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495422320967917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,supersaiyan777,2018/02/15,"Can't stop crying, going to finish this. I am laid on the floor crying my eyes out. I don't want to be alive anymore. I have literally nothing to live for - no close friends and no family, no job, nobody who would want me to stay alive.

",2.0931632653061243,3.5033574489795924,3.877295918367349,89.08288265306123,76.55102040816327,6.53265306122449,20.413265306122447,7.1686216300943375,0.3523836734693875,181,4,40,2,4,61,38,49,0.158,0.5760000000000001,0.267,0.8048,1,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,7,9,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,7,7,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647211920763098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864165051492544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516362872925731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622817690832432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517015296131469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648851943151985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235702618652635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612494575928585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845100994175929,0.0,0.22316404836163525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148825070625565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961823746905576,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bangtanboba,2018/02/15,"i'm alone For almost three years I've struggled with anxiety disorder. All of my friends are fake, selfish, and don't care about me at all. All they ever talk about is guys and hooking up. I'm struggling with my sexuality, having many anxiety attacks over it. No one will ever love me. I get attacked viciously every single time ive had an opinion. ""go fuck your own brother"" ""you are such a dumbass"" ""you dont have a brain in your dumb head if you think like that.""
The only people i've ever actually connected with have already killed themselves. I see no reason why I shouldn't too.
And before you say ""ohh, your family will be sooo saddd"" ask yourself this first: Why should I continue suffering for the happiness of another person?",3.8528723404255314,5.909451822695036,5.2279609929078035,78.50875,73.32624113475177,8.387943262411348,28.77127659574468,9.075114841892004,2.6693872340425533,581,24,104,13,12,194,102,141,0.31,0.611,0.079,-0.9876,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,7,1,1,8,16,6,2,5,0,15,4,2,1,6,19,25,4,1,3,1,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,11,0,3,1,2,17,5,13,19,5,12,0,1,1,2,16,4,2,3,8,72,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1357395105171115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392864800896755,0.14406350144587776,0.15349802006965224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585630343018158,0.2128190651020898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300377838343468,0.31648794297647564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836208985597947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527928769983268,0.0,0.0,0.1418196057996168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594182739085792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302173315435925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774661123262351,0.11719600177689544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131129145097388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831662467376047,0.0,0.0,0.10746671246798198,0.1285937910585117,0.07267292520388499,0.0,0.0790525567761592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377288155408576,0.0,0.14807232858770067,0.0,0.0,0.1427546016794558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389124588590214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795622046495857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554130882943565,0.0,0.0,0.14102346453386547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425635444172947,0.10579024060506052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643298772540587,0.12145494359917168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301583450542132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061625362156152,0.0,0.0,0.11084303783698916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908307070017842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180164386618588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912833435958382,0.0,0.0,0.08110911916173738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25102848557094204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895745037457583
suicidewatch,WaifuBnr,2018/02/15,All I feel is guilt for what I've done. So I had a girlfriend for about 10 months and I thought everything was merry and jolly but a few days ago we had a big fight and she told me I was emotionally neglecting her and hurting her the whole relationship. I felt not only heartbroken but shocked to hear this stuff. I talked to one of her friends and he told me he really had no sympathy for me and I was just horrible and they talked down to me the whole time. I can't feel anything but guilt for this especially since her situation is already bad with her parents. I know this probably sounds really petty but I just need some advice. The only option I can see is to die to atone for my wrongdoings.,2.9509574468085127,4.783522907801423,4.307393617021276,85.10875,75.24113475177305,8.387943262411348,25.22517730496454,9.075114841892004,1.931160283687944,554,19,116,13,12,183,85,141,0.234,0.664,0.103,-0.9702,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,4,8,1,2,6,0,12,0,0,0,1,26,22,12,1,1,7,1,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,11,6,24,1,14,11,5,6,0,2,1,0,20,2,0,2,4,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559767195171798,0.1411477502471998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571421799004922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103268803800888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329503637640928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269015004682623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525555707895598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294753034003645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911227081366682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310561890768647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102290202669214,0.0,0.1528857301268694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302067044711235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794637349766115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704589631496238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750862061063609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709583321262438,0.0,0.0,0.11806699614952848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789834034214928,0.2422031162416605,0.0,0.0,0.17680602459619796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167682582078722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401357662826716,0.0,0.0,0.17095338458156287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126885660833476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317166665696362,0.17898114409593086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228020630340455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559660171907694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264108003731811,0.09284826891512547,0.0,0.0,0.3043020967492173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555491230174718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tuturu19,2018/02/15,"Do you wish something from next life? I have already given up. I am also waiting for my death( funny right?) I have made a clock that tells me how many days I have left to die. I am already 20 now and if approx I live 75 I have 55 yrs left. So that's around 20k days left. There are little things I want to accomplish before I die but if I can't then hope next life would be sweeter.

I want to live minimalist life

I want to have good desk setup

I want to have less health problems and live healthy for once

(Silly I know)

What about you guys? Is there anything you lost hope this time and waiting for next life that can't be fixed this time?",0.7660952380952395,2.8210025037037028,1.8062698412698417,99.28750000000002,83.22222222222223,4.449735449735449,17.79100529100529,5.288315135182226,-0.7532328042328045,498,11,117,2,14,156,80,135,0.125,0.743,0.132,-0.7142,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,8,6,0,0,1,0,16,5,0,2,0,21,29,10,3,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,19,4,12,23,1,17,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,4,10,69,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657835795815365,0.09296828117553567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566713587610552,0.10349070658571742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892359082534796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499484240881588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413065941037261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750833891285132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510973665640566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357256488972357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309329047183433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389015766706928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789309309243361,0.0,0.3284545507557017,0.0,0.1165170482407634,0.3079632335521473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690497305999224,0.0,0.0,0.11000234496691587,0.0,0.11786330842329508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709123411328599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380671505016352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123937680885698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928028013358324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949800825676793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161111942149496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723399139131333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557728367119998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27427848311096864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368636179421833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825835055563372,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisaway1978,2018/02/15,"Last night, I gave myself permission. I chambered a round in my revolver and spun the wheel, perhaps practicing and building up the nerve.

I've been wrestling with this for years. I've been alone for so long, and ghosted by so many women I was interested in, I don't want to feel this pit in my stomach anymore. I'm tired of having to put up a facade of confidence when I'm scared to death for fear I'll no longer be attractive to her. I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm tired of being so goddamn scared of being alone for the rest of my life.

I've decided that if I really do want to go this route, I have my permission, just so I don't have to keep feeling this awful whenever I get even remotely close to someone, only to watch as they lose interest and vanish -- even after promising not to, even after I've remained aloof.",4.538549658434054,4.919663254335261,5.617624802942724,82.79898581187601,69.63583815028902,8.83426169206516,29.60010509721492,8.841846274778883,2.194715606936416,665,24,137,11,11,221,99,173,0.224,0.691,0.085,-0.9733,0,2,0,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,9,8,0,3,6,1,12,6,2,0,0,16,25,11,2,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,4,15,4,31,18,1,16,0,1,2,0,4,6,0,1,7,87,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342524540934235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003144018400886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197416209513704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158130438279602,0.16318271938743206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430693184516318,0.0,0.09170786090714926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434292718055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315346040970083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397738460763222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280358985522368,0.0,0.18052697192868286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359951907357376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143080287922747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227259062374644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221712440213534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337501624656556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32311048492599104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672465620698868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563984934295301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903553723777667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391423712712
suicidewatch,_xx24,2018/02/15,"Silent I think im going crazy. 
Like i think about things that i would never think before
Like is life worth it.

And I’m becoming more aware of my own issues and I’m starting to blame myself for some things.
But then again i care less about a lot of things like i don’t care what others think about what i do or i don’t care to say good morning anymore as much. Every time someone compliments me i just think... are they for real or is it just good manners.. I started to be more angry as well, i would say things that later I wouldn’t regret no I wouldn’t which scares me. I don’t speak to my family anymore. 

I just sit behind closed door in my room  do my own thing which is nothing because i don’t have the energy to do anything. I sleep but its not enough. I eat but when I’m done i feel so dirty like that was too much but was it?  I feel so alone, like there is no one real or no one to hear me out.. well there is but do they care? They listen but only because they are ‘friends’ only because their title says they should. And i hear the same thing “don’t worry it will get better I’m here for you” but are they? Because sometimes i think that if i left i wouldn’t leave anything behind i wouldn’t miss anyone.  

My family .. bunch of people who will no matter what point out your every flaw and every mistake you make no matter how big it is. So theres me.. theres me and no one else, everyone is about them selfs nowadays. You help someone and you expect to get help back but do you? No its same old. Im all alone lost in my own thoughts and no one understands. Its like different language. I have friends i love my friends but they are not permanent. You say one thing they don’t agree ur done .. rest of the group either don’t get involved or agree with them because they have free house where they can chill and eat food for free but you don’t because you have hell waiting for you once you close ur door behind you. 

And your alone there in your room. Thinking about how others life is better, ask why cant yours be.. and here comes the thought of death and how to escape how many pills would it take to leave? How many cuts to fully bleed? But then theres pain .. i have enough pain already do i want more? If i die i wont have my life .. why should i let them take my life away from me? Why should i let them take my freedom? But its okay.. 

Im the happy girl with all the good jokes, the one who is always in the good mood and with huge smile on her face .. no one knows How much pain she is in. And that’s why they dig in as deep as they can with no shame of what they do they don’t care how much pain I take  they don’t know what happens behind a closed door.  But that’s okay because I won’t say anything

I will stay silent.

",1.4477745098039208,3.059012012068969,2.333914807302232,98.58531102096012,78.8793103448276,5.169709263015552,18.269100743745774,5.5289334501034215,-0.6315615280594993,2117,40,506,9,51,663,212,580,0.16,0.657,0.183,0.9168,1,3,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,15,20,3,33,43,2,2,10,2,63,16,2,8,3,96,108,49,2,16,25,0,2,6,3,15,10,9,5,2,34,23,3,1,14,1,3,2,30,12,2,7,7,11,89,32,49,82,22,36,1,3,0,1,61,21,1,8,17,349,123,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751634344687358,0.059495585373424274,0.0,0.04486087683397546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693666366188964,0.037698014693105165,0.0,0.1331002106781611,0.0,0.05040243559087361,0.0,0.05065410180263332,0.04145663962319719,0.0,0.23005888137977304,0.0595439230274195,0.04587695540833627,0.0,0.0,0.09536533701978596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748452540510868,0.0,0.0,0.046442250874783764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595435712083699,0.0563287929508041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034575134134328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033523352331773,0.045038339214748764,0.0,0.0,0.11141542112048818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627494464053636,0.05151726361005215,0.0,0.0,0.1016508909176246,0.0,0.0545212102025126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651931824771009,0.0,0.1249617740386248,0.0,0.08450372631208385,0.0,0.030640643693835658,0.18088246408861944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476760889147966,0.057392596092990335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153029035293247,0.0,0.07227501249963267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220966973203292,0.0,0.0,0.17470954296603786,0.05627234652556435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059259593993077266,0.0,0.0,0.11417456250279685,0.058577862219428685,0.1102617056240352,0.15232458357974746,0.1580383296602874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885364392451432,0.0458358670785504,0.048659609120455485,0.0,0.035988101791310324,0.10932093547556428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853236197564402,0.0,0.04158190233527556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173206377105077,0.0,0.056573812249885565,0.057416791062881126,0.2557352782851339,0.0820082537707971,0.2294737509067954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037377270738917986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050966281371714585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273217114969365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143734087919716,0.053977451575189614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056244197960064864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395306818814475,0.0,0.0913625382505008,0.0,0.053322455175034825,0.0,0.07632140031442636,0.057465291258320526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621468704105801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507270757817492,0.24182199200829185,0.0,0.0856035971562802,0.03143776396243207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612651284466805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03179995194817516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695055907400606,0.0,0.19459647346161654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475241814773512,0.0,0.1148971576020076,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fatpussyisyummy,2018/02/15,Why am I having these thoughts? High school fucking sucks. I’m just so fucking lonely. I tried talking to a girl that I’ve liked for a year now and she won’t even reply when I talk about my feelings. Just ignore me. Friend tells me to move on and try for someone else. I do that and just get shut down cause I’m just ugly. I see no hope in getting a relationship. Now my thoughts are turning to suicide but I can’t do that to my parents. I’m sick of crying and dealing with this though. ,-0.09176250933532516,2.157533281553402,1.476699029126216,98.5872516803585,89.97087378640775,3.557580283793876,20.54443614637789,4.713530739802397,-0.4556984316654216,380,13,86,1,13,122,70,103,0.2,0.742,0.057,-0.9304,1,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,3,0,3,0,7,3,0,1,0,16,21,8,1,1,5,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,2,12,3,12,18,0,10,0,1,1,2,9,5,3,1,5,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864921010911788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994137147209472,0.0,0.1871602840421953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516537929484527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199057880743724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179233146149478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025773993844382,0.33566253381682143,0.18969483684260474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180750547286574,0.0,0.18031067860354935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869151831562208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929488213310847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015792413359077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490655732156625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372867794428907,0.14466427434038587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381867649495018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985758417408281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918307544719195,0.15867439868650945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836261947927334,0.2882457573952905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465081656829532,0.19746393328964973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381206439547716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690612993517255
suicidewatch,crapthatguyagain,2018/02/15,"Today I disappear I'm going to disappear today. I'm going to drive into the mountains, leave my car on the side of the road like it broke down, and start walking. If anyone ever finds me I'll be unrecognizable. I'm going to text the few friends I have that I miss them, and I'm thinking about them. They're better off without me. Everyone is better off without me. I'll bury my ID, my phone, and anything else that can identify me. 
It's not that I think I'll find any kind of happiness or relief. I know that I won't know what effect my disappearance will have on people. I know that it won't solve anything. 
I won't have to live hating myself anymore. I won't have to exist feeling useless and worthless and unwanted and unloved. I know that It will just all be over. I don't contribute anything to society. I'm not essential at my job. my phone doesn't ring for days and the only people I talk to want me to do something for them. It will probably take a while for anyone to even notice I'm gone. 

I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending that everything is ok. I can't keep putting on the happy front while I'm so lonely and miserable and empty. ",2.428750000000001,4.028024375000001,4.331666666666667,85.38,76.08333333333334,7.3000000000000025,25.333333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.508608333333334,910,32,188,15,20,310,119,240,0.145,0.7440000000000001,0.111,-0.6232,1,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,3,5,17,1,1,7,1,23,0,0,1,2,33,48,14,0,3,7,0,1,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,2,10,1,0,12,13,8,0,0,1,2,30,9,26,38,2,30,0,6,0,0,7,11,0,2,8,121,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632905443810215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179678662886124,0.17753011244158254,0.0,0.31340238418462363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245505385625584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187101589901648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604883957508324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838480161715783,0.11483181532377833,0.0,0.12130434023953987,0.11409275763534535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418876866925237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320565088098748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807977942860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644257520717666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27027720479843786,0.0,0.12533495673453082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259763909171692,0.2256745906156065,0.0,0.13219690044057464,0.2790694011469434,0.0,0.0,0.1344196974568877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202042438016006,0.0,0.11209748927020756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453124187563596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654974294793713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601964270689324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687151231016,0.0,0.0,0.12761789375158492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977308418074769,0.0,0.0,0.0898545115029444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095449164798146,0.10203606603689584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268642027049082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066389134616065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748772725958562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474685722107245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ebolalunch,2018/02/15,"I got in legal trouble I recently got in some very major legal trouble that could potentially put me away for a couple decades. I live in a basement and no one checks on me. I have been struggling with alcoholism for over 20 years. I have no job. My daughters mother successfully filed a restraining order against me so I can't even contact my 8 year old daughter for at least a year. Having no job and no medication (bipolar disorder), I turned to stealing mouthwash from local stores and drinking it in order to just pass out. I feel so utterly hopeless. I always kinda knew it would end this way. I feel so close to death.",3.9987499999999976,5.987974708333336,5.020000000000003,80.44500000000002,72.75,7.466666666666668,30.33333333333333,8.238735603445708,2.3739833333333333,495,22,89,8,10,162,82,120,0.226,0.7240000000000001,0.049,-0.9692,2,0,2,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,4,0,7,4,0,0,0,15,13,6,1,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,6,2,1,3,1,2,2,5,5,0,1,4,2,15,1,18,7,3,22,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,2,6,63,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928775708801386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551642347648482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520176819089178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148887125639517,0.20633382865144714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371939319202046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826769765396036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516373296394754,0.0,0.0,0.1231666430280956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857727393146492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982862150452192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701003286306073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466306629171548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785648263354168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956767879943773,0.0,0.1263619934019016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746141270098246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841240538546922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494679216534486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283399302896635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538634832302804,0.0,0.14801717529688746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324682796693923,0.0,0.0,0.3602562262780137
suicidewatch,croc322,2018/02/15,Reddit I don't know what to do with my friend who has depression can you give me any tips? She has literally bought poison to kill herself and she sometimes plan on using it and as a worried friend I'm frustrated with myself because I don't know what to do help.,2.286666666666669,4.32572025925926,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000002,77.8888888888889,6.542222222222222,23.76296296296297,7.554174236665415,1.083167407407407,210,7,43,3,5,69,39,54,0.263,0.601,0.13699999999999998,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,7,13,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,7,12,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965742181806632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879393730216891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655419476124826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763901057720951,0.0,0.0,0.2957534726183032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664980019452045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410929078472864,0.0,0.3388718406196071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049207278340691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266275832544518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130978710091209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cicciopallone,2018/02/15,"I have a problem Hello, I have a problem. I do not understand what's the point of living. When I think about how useless I am to the universe I can't seem to grasp why I should go through the nuisance of life. 
I do pretty well in school, I have a beautiful girlfriend and an amazing and supportive family, however I still feel like it would be exactly the same if I'm here or not. Hopefully my family and friends will grieve for a while but they'll eventually get over it. How do I change my point of view in order to feel like it's worth to live this life? 
I wrote here because when I try and discuss this with people they do not take me seriously and think that I'm stupid or that I'm only seeking attention. 
I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes or any imperfections, English is not my mother tongue. 
",5.0398773006134965,5.254120748466256,6.041846625766873,80.7776165644172,68.50920245398773,9.46478527607362,31.637423312883435,9.3871,2.656188220858895,634,25,130,12,10,211,98,163,0.115,0.752,0.133,0.2378,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,9,14,1,0,10,0,15,2,0,2,1,34,31,15,1,7,9,1,2,2,2,4,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,8,0,1,1,5,7,1,0,1,3,19,7,15,25,1,11,0,2,1,0,8,5,0,6,6,90,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170215939728707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013112638822838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376487472515115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096986606834169,0.0,0.16610917647775966,0.23469417938058945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690655801448844,0.0,0.08581886043287272,0.0,0.0933525149538398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314684383817832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204282371728654,0.16049788510002194,0.0,0.2900884689632349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492682616221945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387692309775255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105568271629869,0.0,0.0,0.16711106364070982,0.0,0.3143485032421076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623948266024574,0.0,0.14953576893465953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838751719212656,0.0,0.0,0.13117792721093988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186399845338982,0.0,0.0,0.12350277539834498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105018358779548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152148481437996,0.0,0.0,0.17100003452906762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768910546027614,0.0,0.14821873832275867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668530563924336,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilypond7,2018/02/15,"My family thinks I'm mentally ill because I'm not religious like them, and I feel incredibly alone. I stopped going to church several months ago and my entire family treats me like an insane person. I feel left out and hate being at home.

I'm almost 21, so I have tried to move out to a tiny flat once after my dad tried to hit me with a running fan(on a Sunday morning when I refused to go to church again), but they tracked me down somehow(I never told them where I went. I blocked all their numbers and fled), brought the pastor with them and forced me to move back to this place where I feel like I'm going to suffocate. 

They made me drop out of college because they want me to be spiritually trained first and being at college is dangerous(not physically, but spiritually; they're afraid college kids will influence me to turn to Satan which is f*ing crazy). I'm now taking online classes which they enthusiastically endorse, probably to show that they do care about my not-church-related education. And that was before I stopped going to church.

I isolated myself from all my friends because I'm too ashamed and anxious to meet anyone. I cut my arm to calm myself from massive panic attacks that come frequently. 
When they surround and berate me for my life decisions, I feel like screaming my head off. I did once in front of my dad after one hour of being locked inside my tiny room with him and him yelling at me to go to overnight bible study group. He glared at me so hatefully and said: ""satan's really got you."" as if this was allll Satan's fault and not his.

Because of their crazy religiousness,  I tried to kill myself 3 times by taking 30 ibuprofen pills and went to the er. But they became even crazier and treated me worse. They do not give a horse shit about my emotions. They think they're doing the right thing because, in the end, sending me to heaven is literally all that matters. And they WON'T STOP CHEWING ME OUT for being so antisocial and say stuff like ""why are you like this?"" and ""stop living in the past"" even though I wasn't always like this. Before all this, I was really outgoing and my friends and their parents told me I smiled a lot. 

But I do believe that I will get out of this and get myself together one day, but only when I move out and stay away from my parents.",7.122902684563758,6.629874313199108,7.116703020134227,77.21250419463091,64.25727069351231,9.955592841163313,32.942673378076066,9.2995712137729,2.740464653243848,1826,64,351,28,24,585,220,447,0.181,0.728,0.091,-0.9899,2,1,0,0,2,1,51.0,0,2,16,1,17,25,6,3,11,0,22,8,3,2,5,64,60,35,1,2,9,4,4,7,2,3,4,4,2,2,15,31,1,6,7,1,0,16,6,11,1,3,14,8,72,14,56,37,5,64,8,0,0,0,39,23,1,3,30,230,87,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368427065728009,0.0,0.0832365206956534,0.08609123162469051,0.0,0.0,0.06916569557809152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390628136461844,0.0,0.05812212315446781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945653705891835,0.07809758596624647,0.06391710368213513,0.0,0.2533576132246536,0.0,0.14146453461290814,0.09365210508545392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475029698208457,0.0,0.0,0.07160382972126561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360800152064174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350313425159323,0.07362305167835997,0.0,0.0,0.10980502755634576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672352108653964,0.0,0.16811964872519625,0.11876737887685496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070509766602476,0.0,0.0,0.12844254848964434,0.0,0.08685755342302205,0.07973996371354161,0.23620597540790436,0.0,0.06648173007209222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413516987505733,0.08530904327140472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833799911768127,0.0,0.08186024049144837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196421551334227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031429770931099,0.0,0.058712827972174114,0.2842707736775116,0.0,0.07339987551479253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066891805627559,0.0,0.07865378928949025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376928194740164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634865775366712,0.26504246771744194,0.0,0.0,0.06411023148574367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704835803469948,0.11265373340089745,0.06321942765623798,0.0,0.0975279187266719,0.18459837932050116,0.0,0.07935111298767683,0.0,0.07258053272631465,0.08684672303520395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962156093318657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650252357341568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098730701220027,0.07906980904969113,0.06610341562166616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390628136461844,0.08532542944172926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885989557491032,0.0,0.2779810162951372,0.0,0.0,0.09515691205281096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249975688088283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522378715386197,0.10652480330774793,0.08166875286619116,0.0,0.048470180819887056,0.0,0.0,0.15885678673005976,0.0,0.16930689727562548,0.090414870643299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049028595762525363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411326890398855,0.07500633845069453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471029661584659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeWorkNights,2018/02/15,"I can't think of a reason to go on. I've wasted my life. I'm not good at anything, can't find a job, no family, don't have friends, live somewhere where no one wants to know me. Life repeats itself that way. People eventually see how much of a terrible person I am and stop talking to you altogether.  

Anymore, I feel insane. I've stopped applying for work because I haven't received a callback in over a month, going back to college would be a joke, and my hobbies are bullshit, and love isn't real. I started packing my things up because I know I'm going to take my own life in the next few weeks and I don't want to inconvenience all of the normal people. I'm stepping out of the way to let everyone live their far superior life. 



",4.055430463576158,4.629934576158941,5.693701986754968,81.13631456953644,70.78807947019868,8.159205298013246,30.99403973509933,8.238735603445708,2.2026339072847683,575,24,117,8,10,197,96,151,0.153,0.742,0.105,-0.7427,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,0,9,0,12,5,0,2,1,21,28,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,6,1,0,5,9,1,0,1,0,2,14,5,19,25,4,24,0,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,8,72,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568034072203573,0.0,0.0,0.1208820459873735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295316645735895,0.0,0.17909162343851376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036444113327992,0.0,0.0,0.13847950662084804,0.0,0.07427451172399346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342593435078959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349069125462573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25045139396010196,0.12320853342866407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577059379869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614592703444821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502100616743555,0.4150250527060009,0.0,0.0,0.2594219036645446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257844771522154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172501654759266,0.0,0.10798470663486576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622446958926692,0.0,0.14392588415451474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099539834941168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367695606145605,0.12826302385930247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719863794492565,0.0,0.15103249690654846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705627441269725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397301749887086,0.0,0.0,0.24562154882454754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044673790792398,0.11806861449825445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759049242619816,0.09412436692763122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732849212278355,0.23319678331836735,0.11783028625699815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694128938689476,0.0,0.0,0.10434997374007368,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rhodelius,2018/02/15,"i don't know what to do anymore. I'm 16 and my life has only been getting shitter everyday. I'm a useless self loathing shit who finds pleasure in fucked up things. I have been forced to sit out iGCSE exams due to me not being able to cope with the stress, i am however allowed to take 3 exams for the subjects I enjoy and am supposingly ""good"" at... but i keep revising and finding out I can't even do those subjects correctly. I can't remember things and can't even bring myself to try sometimes as I look at all my friends who do everything I can't do with a breeze. I just feel like I can't and won't accomplish anything in my life.

I just block things out with video games, the internet and basketball. But as soon as I need to step up and do something I fall into this pit of despair and hope someone will help me and sympathise with me. 

Buts thats just fucking pathetic. That's just me. Pathetic.",3.812519750519748,4.749570443243243,4.885405405405408,85.38320166320169,71.5945945945946,8.503118503118504,30.44698544698545,8.841846274778883,2.316006237006237,712,30,150,13,13,234,107,185,0.159,0.728,0.113,-0.8299,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,12,3,1,5,0,20,5,1,1,2,37,33,15,0,2,8,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,10,17,0,2,5,2,0,3,8,6,0,0,2,2,22,6,26,28,1,17,0,2,1,2,6,10,3,1,4,104,32,3,0.17425400313865425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728131476661241,0.0,0.0,0.14339619717981164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23018625128887416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660826205803766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881080597338706,0.12448709465985075,0.0,0.0,0.3185300039825809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462821056918012,0.3221900360201752,0.0910405245711954,0.0,0.0,0.14615599040752147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679878518709792,0.0,0.0,0.17307354316107015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488496447744876,0.0,0.0,0.09576544298912774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24616151143986986,0.08513170402386526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632947564433305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292071353628556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252802157305782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739581676830226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178492865958654,0.0,0.1788692301245175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764485138376826,0.1341492448964737,0.17234166476745205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996073718525076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101732418200412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34729985037522665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183070297979706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dobbyyyyy,2018/02/15,I want to do it again I attempted suicide 3 weeks ago by jumping out the window of my accommodation. I have felt overwhelming guilt since as a result of the reaction of my family. Life is only getting worse. Sooner or later I will do it again and be successful this time,2.9766037735849054,5.260168924528305,5.24211320754717,76.35901886792455,76.73584905660377,8.768301886792452,25.69433962264151,9.3871,2.6393954716981143,215,8,39,6,5,75,43,53,0.171,0.7390000000000001,0.09,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,6,9,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,7,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096090510629737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292630856627564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353564314184951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248049721515736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467015387617525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656375211533466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889218714034177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820474920553684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036636388557819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601000557621504,0.0,0.2801653803095239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35593857843124393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kitty__pryde,2018/02/15,"I don't think I can hold on much longer. I’m a 16 turning 17 year old girl from Norway and I want to die really bad. I can’t relate to my old friends anymore and i don’t have any new ones. I don’t party, I don’t go out, I don’t do anything a teen is supposed to do. I hate going to school, I feel out of place, ugly and dumb. I’ve had multiple eating disorders since I was 13. I’ve gained so much weight and I’m currently dealing with anorexia again. My brother has leukemia and we are not sure if he will live. I feel alone. I’m always alone. I feel empty and numb. I don’t feel alive. Whenever something does not go my way, or I get angry, my first thought is ‘I’m going to kill myself’. 

In Norway we have a absence limit at school. Basically if you’re away from school more than 10% in one subject, you won’t get a grade. In science I currently have 5% absence. I feel unmotivated to finish high school. I know I have to, but sometimes it feels like I can’t. Today I was too sad to go, my dad is home now and I’m terrified of seeing him. I really want to jump out the window. My parents try to understand, but they always get angry and mad at me. I wish they knew that every time they yell at me, I go and cut myself and i’ve tried to choke myself out multiple times before. It’s like my body has no skin and every negative thing they say about me hurts me directly. I’m so oversensitive it’s actually killing me.

Sometimes I’ll daydream about my suicide, my funeral etc. I wish I could tell them how I feel without them immediately sending me to a doctor. I do talk to professionals about my issues, but I want my parents to understand without freaking out. 

My appearance has to be the worst thing about me. I am just awful looking. I can’t look people in the eyes because I don’t want anyone to see me. I used to be prettier when I was skinnier, a lot prettier actually. I’d get random comments on the bus and I kinda miss the way people would stare at me when I walked past them. Right now I’m full of pimples, red skin, visible pores, small eyes, uneven lips, weird nose, big chin, uneven brows, flat hair, fat face and an even worse body. I’m 173 and 90kg. Yes, 90kg. I don’t look like 90kgs because I do have a lot of muscle hidden under all the fat. But still, I am awful. I used to be 55kg. I can’t believe I’m so young and already let myself get this disgusting. I never wear t-shirts, dresses, thin jackets, skirts, shorts etc. I haven’t been on a beach in years. During summer time I wear hoodies and sweatpants. 

The only thing that really keeps me going is that I’m leaving for South Korea in September. I’ll be there for 9 months, learning about the language and culture. It’s like I get to start over and be another person. But I fear I won’t hold on for that long. 

I’m sorry if I come off as bratty or superficial. I am not good with explaining my emotions, but my heart feels heavy and my head is blank. I have little purpose and I am just going on, I go on without any reason. I don’t see a purpose in my life. I don’t think I ever will.",0.8161431127012548,2.7952178868217104,3.116899224806204,90.39005366726299,82.53488372093024,5.891711389385807,21.395945140131193,7.074300726101368,0.5658903995229578,2367,74,520,31,65,811,297,645,0.177,0.7490000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.997,4,2,1,0,0,4,86.0,2,1,7,3,21,23,7,1,18,3,56,21,16,4,4,91,119,38,5,11,19,4,13,4,1,5,5,2,2,2,12,30,4,4,18,1,0,14,26,16,0,3,7,26,96,7,66,100,10,79,0,3,10,0,27,36,1,10,31,314,108,8,0.0,0.0,0.12586209089139164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358036612948768,0.07116417939056799,0.0,0.1073184662893405,0.0,0.0,0.08770818633107695,0.0676213552320778,0.0,0.0,0.06395482848432348,0.0450915519773463,0.0,0.053068179821926915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605886565351936,0.0,0.05384483762995757,0.07862264738825317,0.0,0.0548745905108829,0.07265596187919074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326339692260814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555075476291013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148846961439445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664843596780347,0.0,0.0,0.0669284264174972,0.0,0.07390890538794517,0.06600626347168506,0.05643393713899709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598738631001788,0.0,0.07254038925841286,0.0,0.0,0.14384247029803315,0.04259375637631285,0.058333143578997264,0.1086679462122551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256699786247305,0.2608568120871427,0.04607028397436665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054853512112725135,0.0,0.0,0.04982331629499686,0.0,0.20215410271871334,0.0,0.3298504629723568,0.0540895263161843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366860966229856,0.06618335583831017,0.0,0.0,0.07641866329818367,0.0,0.06813517754615947,0.06468678365427051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903580353979669,0.0,0.0,0.06730878161360603,0.0,0.05731995205071734,0.14269297055288274,0.0,0.03544095205607737,0.0,0.0,0.06828354571848637,0.0,0.06594341201695134,0.045549824929972005,0.12602243759701565,0.06463397917931568,0.05694413972301007,0.057069905048877524,0.1624611896158781,0.0,0.0,0.10965088743398484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147375538528769,0.0,0.0948122904920993,0.0,0.04973716854142307,0.062282971584305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533874483257147,0.0,0.08739755878477752,0.049046076664530966,0.0,0.0,0.14321272115167766,0.0,0.061561151615795125,0.08941580398946147,0.056308487824408136,0.06737629861518699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393811039901945,0.06630446762647058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055072452108563666,0.0,0.051283494814235116,0.0,0.26106144410133564,0.15416590699829902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334519082013072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964606029415716,0.1275606834290165,0.07218910506093966,0.045644981801803465,0.0,0.05150024916448033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053947237379314,0.0,0.060779234717469,0.0,0.0,0.05183306101696529,0.05636540812040771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852900756307942,0.0826426917072914,0.0,0.0511963173928918,0.11281052166570615,0.0,0.06112714184911429,0.0,0.0,0.0875663212134426,0.07014449262808746,0.0,0.13426869249459036,0.0,0.11139395941128924,0.0,0.0,0.1521469178492852,0.10237524298957257,0.0,0.07852908564272214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831617613435272,0.18649256988401247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571884397131231,0.04581046859043077,0.0,0.0,0.08305639447976874
suicidewatch,throwingmylifeaway08,2018/02/15,"I'm sick of this I feel so lonely it's pathetic. I hate myself for being needy and stupid. I just want to stop existing. I may be fine, and then numb in just a matter of seconds. I usually cut when stressed but two weeks ago I did it again just for the sake of it and it was the very first moment I didn't feel remorseful. I wanted to be but I just couldn't. I've tried to change, to be more extroverted but failed. Life is not for me. I'll always be alone. Why can't I stop making a fool of myself? Twice today and it's only midday. Fuck me. These feelings of hopeless and self-hatred have always been there and somehow I managed to handle them but they are starting to take over me. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how good it would be to be dead. I just want to go through it but I don't understand why I can't.   ",-0.8622540983606548,1.2357439836065574,1.3760997267759585,98.7775922131148,92.77049180327869,4.361475409836066,15.275273224043715,5.985473137389443,-0.7609743169398908,651,14,156,6,24,217,105,183,0.237,0.688,0.075,-0.984,0,3,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,2,13,12,4,1,5,0,21,4,0,2,0,35,36,15,1,5,12,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,5,0,0,1,8,10,0,4,4,3,22,2,21,22,1,16,0,3,0,1,2,2,1,2,13,111,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415380672162207,0.0,0.0,0.18011023196560227,0.0,0.0,0.28940112110231603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839654678931904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215253176057524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26379053091499594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792112159917148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076978071774795,0.0,0.0,0.09883262724790164,0.14586091375545274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169241839160634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283226602593975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608106817989852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322604586438749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141792017778666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230888714950709,0.0,0.0,0.2907800503146246,0.1992043813568717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075281122379534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142950723187313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648389507656528,0.0,0.0,0.1180681778551139,0.0,0.16987717940814853,0.18103832210997653,0.0,0.0,0.19152870343912706,0.1434875266553315,0.3077160677953513,0.0,0.1394938543884482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138393716130931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235351326448272,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Allymost,2018/02/15,"The thoughts are back I was on cupralex for 3 months and i was doing so well. I asked my doc to go off it gradually. Now I am having suicidal thoughts, my panic attacks are creeping in...pretty much square one.

I've recently told my mom about my depression and in my foolishness, I thought she would understand. But when I snapped at her she stopped speaking to me.

The only thing keeping me form suicide is the thought of getting it wrong and ending up disabled instead of dead.

I'm seeing my therapist today but honestly I am tired of fighting all the time for a life I dont want..",2.201666666666668,4.631231652173913,3.4361956521739145,87.4957427536232,80.30434782608695,6.615942028985508,30.45289855072464,7.793537801064563,2.221072463768116,460,24,90,8,12,149,82,115,0.224,0.727,0.049,-0.9533,0,0,0,0,2,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,5,0,11,2,0,0,1,15,24,7,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,7,3,19,2,13,16,3,15,0,1,2,0,8,5,0,0,9,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479562448179697,0.18004908339800102,0.0,0.12169587936601126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631325967567945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854851932263189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017565721006736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268683759484356,0.0,0.08994554581735742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067304603033834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178712454920163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535784726827614,0.1263254713517914,0.0,0.11634285469076887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072443396235914,0.12036752916562712,0.0,0.18568966909394766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101222167089074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626741896719626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611657288368325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231647820483727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34623205669866564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837576571342948,0.10514411561938553,0.0,0.0,0.5025783627189164,0.09228549070746453,0.1819021317199975,0.1500165462705732,0.15122882014894004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647592616879071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334869278610444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422990822311574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242678903483813,0.17303773853017249,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathinsteadofwork,2018/02/15,"I hate working, but I don't want to be homeless. I just don't want to work anymore, but being homeless doesn't seem much better. So suicide seems like the only option. I guess there is ""stuff to live for"" but even if I wanted to do any of that I'll never be able to afford it. I think I'm just too lazy for life. ",1.8526086956521723,2.5068458550724664,3.6441739130434776,93.51495652173914,75.95652173913044,5.5200000000000005,21.046376811594204,3.1291,-0.3290892753623185,240,5,57,0,5,81,47,69,0.248,0.701,0.05,-0.9249,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,3,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,15,17,5,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,8,14,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,38,9,2,0.22050130889497066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499484513606496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867804795462611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501548886879988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563903492775554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24290705128518664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176993920068016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574659547093944,0.10772580157475573,0.0,0.19470669552550915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209383324357887,0.0,0.1700642028943077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770118158414804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014722203359788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242124420879114,0.2411926431204709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128833528727444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901721549345169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210551580669056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rods9868,2018/02/15,Happiness... ...is all I’m longing for,0.23714285714285666,2.651867,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,93.28571428571428,8.514285714285714,35.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.429685714285716,27,2,5,1,1,10,7,7,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7689775618087709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392757694724852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Paradigmshift5,2018/02/15,Feel like killing myself On the verge of just killing myself because I suck with woman I want to find a GF but I can't talk to girls for shit and I haven't had a girlfriend for 10 years and that was a middle school BS hug in hallway relationship. Feel like eating a bullet,3.6260526315789465,4.507591561403512,4.25171052631579,89.96072368421055,71.98245614035088,6.401754385964912,24.77631578947368,5.985473137389443,0.5160210526315785,217,6,47,1,4,69,43,57,0.199,0.634,0.16699999999999998,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,5,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,8,3,2,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,6,3,8,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,3,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331979589516476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573602628959277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543447372712074,0.359361419154528,0.0,0.0,0.2298780339183935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565230336955413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24575278310295606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700304934251749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545442608162156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25817415273551025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021563658750592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483486957360842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196592041148974
suicidewatch,PastInsanity,2018/02/15,"Just want a reset of my fucking brain about now, thanks but no thanks because it won't happen. I don't want to remember any of this shit anymore. But no, there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to keep waking up to OCD, split personality, and depression beyond fucking control. Nothing does anything, I just need to be shot in the fucking head. I wish I could do a data-dump, and erase every memory, and just start fresh. That's the only thing I fucking want, since goal = impossible, I just want to forget everything. No one replaces her. Slept with other chicks, dated others, still think about her, fucking had it. Don't want to fucking remember everything I sacrificed all for nothing. Fuck the fish in the sea, it's not working, it doesn't work. It doesn't erase it. I'm fucking losing it...I'm fucking done. I'm fucking not able to take this anymore. I'm fed up with the same advice of ""go fuck someone else you fucking asshole"" and I'm just fucking done with this fucking life.

I've been done a long, long fucking time ago. But god doesn't give a fuck. Just wants to keep me a rat in the experiment and keep experimenting with me. Such a fucking cruel godamn fate. I have no control over my life. I've fucking had it with every fucking second. No one knows what it's like to deal with OCD body disorders chronic depression and split personality all at the same time. The worst part of the fucking day is waking up. Sleep only lasts like 3 seconds for 8 hours, and I have to deal with this fucking insomnia and stay up for 30 hours straight from the mental pain. So fucking what the fuck there's nothing I can do for over 4 years, and it's just getting worse, I'm going further down, the sparrow has fallen and there's no rising. It's been over, no one gets it.

I literally might just end it.",2.9510468146284485,4.852519640668525,4.0790978524575445,86.44387635906195,75.43454038997214,6.414987869530058,26.622427891095327,7.233258080335977,1.305963536705903,1417,54,282,16,31,461,162,359,0.201,0.71,0.08900000000000001,-0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,0,6,20,34,25,0,18,0,26,37,8,2,2,55,79,14,0,9,14,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,3,23,17,1,5,4,0,0,4,15,30,0,5,9,0,20,4,42,66,6,35,0,3,0,23,9,15,24,1,17,178,43,3,0.04127156985089332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033010039909368,0.03658475648878701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028066082761041986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186061458088881,0.0,0.0,0.03396298542163164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025158765912242757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04584341009492809,0.0,0.04607272128124385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925791499611852,0.03295199022773468,0.0,0.0,0.02661674824204057,0.0850983525754405,0.0710942852735014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047300794650250534,0.0,0.036117028900717996,0.12670543542137114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344771007582483,0.0,0.036554360836956484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954615525517871,0.0,0.0741844515515929,0.08074302941504938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8775627295764901,0.04312538365172939,0.03959145050717012,0.046911168499926235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364963129176924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423565375152068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128836555695179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005220279268572,0.0,0.0,0.02268177544525392,0.03364183787152763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058302660662023074,0.04032640864325874,0.0,0.0,0.07304808115495491,0.0,0.04617232980443283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041592035232874185,0.04378261351969595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03060234609427468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584047374893056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390005154276499,0.06277777727953772,0.04391586018338317,0.0,0.0,0.044693088263395714,0.0,0.0,0.07207348575028089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350528645869527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236467336354674,0.03414026906929389,0.0,0.041301375685055534,0.0,0.03496926720335553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029212229564066525,0.04399000210394979,0.032959528995583555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031031084217629862,0.0,0.0,0.07599463301683787,0.0,0.0,0.02741899712639731,0.02644515548750189,0.0,0.0,0.0481315685544576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605824724535932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746026851444656,0.0,0.0,0.0600923887869498,0.0,0.04205925560691521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02657753784240538
suicidewatch,Msogg,2018/02/15,"Please help me. I am so lost. I'm a skinny, white, thick-haired, 6'3, non-virgin, 17 year old high school drop out, and I lost it all. 
I used to go to school, and used to have friends. Now I go to bed at 7:30 am, drink more than I should. I've forgotten basic elements to math subjects. I was always drawing or sleeping. Ignorant and dumb, maybe I'm just autistic or some shit, I don't know. Got arrested the other day for drinking and smoking at a school past cerfew. I don't dress like a thug, I'm respectful and adaptable. I lack motivations and struggle with initiative. Spent the last 3 years in a dark room with nothing but my tired eyes and unpleasant oder, with vodka and cigarettes in my hands. However, I can change myself/fake the overall appearance of the situation in less then a day when the opportunity comes (Such as meeting up with a girl, etc.). I'm a filthy  leech with no job, no gf, no license, no life. 

>"bro you're 17 bro you still got a future ahead of you bro"
My GPA was like 1.8, my credits are so fucked up it's unironically insane, and no, I'm not blaming anyone else, I'm fully aware that it's my fault. And I already have took medication for depression, also ended up in a mental hospital once, none of that helped, only turned me into a zombie. 
And it's hard for any schools to even take you in when you have credits as bad as mine, and without being enrolled I can't get a work permit. I don't even consider myself depressed anymore, I consider myself unlucky, ignorant and probably autistic.",6.966797328687573,9.710630655052267,6.17758275261324,72.07150769454124,66.49128919860627,10.218873403019746,34.25798490127759,10.411451182825502,4.333213821138212,1366,64,203,39,24,416,181,287,0.214,0.695,0.091,-0.9894,2,0,4,0,0,0,113.0,0,4,0,6,11,19,3,1,16,0,11,11,5,4,1,39,28,25,0,2,6,1,2,2,2,1,3,0,2,1,4,21,3,2,2,3,3,5,8,12,0,0,8,4,28,7,35,18,7,35,0,4,2,1,11,14,3,4,17,135,32,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470553131434996,0.03409992657168092,0.03548065951558159,0.9240283327680258,0.0,0.02899728633422732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042288332517012236,0.029815521187638944,0.04369065937298236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035603385263996395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510843706535117,0.03673137501354985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499972879235092,0.0,0.07345312006506832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354373178536008,0.0,0.0,0.0356210152721653,0.0,0.03776719668999294,0.0,0.04755589498236795,0.056327848122730576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032944267329237754,0.039420841414255885,0.022278119619857064,0.0,0.04846763251028922,0.0,0.06820767459878965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819788683327427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057162616760128585,0.04505247082140052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042314531330780274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023434333275309426,0.03475803922749218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030118541295165918,0.04166439713784338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309519780743533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283853327502751,0.0,0.0,0.04295623864749951,0.042972015907578966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04091511067632311,0.0,0.04474447027340345,0.04541118582498385,0.0,0.032430339472381754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070558097575184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680692293462285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597412145064242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726195412788068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437702893716248,0.0,0.047930178209556105,0.04267171257684221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034053092049341684,0.0,0.0,0.04457754563708537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03206066346990023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049009462297029655,0.0,0.0,0.047375628656367456,0.0,0.04638107393596983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365612429288021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110432312988108,0.0,0.03104309602089625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491870607213865
suicidewatch,battlecraft321,2018/02/15,"Wanting to explode Everything has been getting better, meeting new people and doing new things, but inside I still feel empty and hurtful at night.

I think about hurting myself time and time again. I never thought I would do it but I’m hitting myself and thinking about slicing a bit of myself to see how it would feel.

Inside I just want to self destruct, maybe it’s me wanting to have a cry for help or if I just don’t want to try anymore. Either way I feel so disgusted with myself. Anything to get rid of feeling so crappy and depressed.

I just wanted to write this out, thank you anybody for listening ",3.1727889060092416,5.4587561864406755,3.9936363636363663,85.53664869029278,76.11864406779661,5.307858243451464,27.67642526964561,6.11248444174946,1.2533457627118638,482,20,85,3,11,154,78,118,0.259,0.6459999999999999,0.095,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,1,10,7,2,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,32,27,12,0,8,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,14,2,16,22,2,11,0,3,1,0,6,2,0,2,8,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231678769382198,0.0,0.0,0.12638881020868264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583500078251684,0.1676769542350509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870783486277127,0.0,0.0,0.1322840441852245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803386909587884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106323056976363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160485477406338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294596219386437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288355885004404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429853554386733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845557123294845,0.2966700837004765,0.0,0.1441307622173428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647771525236446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238875616009355,0.0,0.16022447804766518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265457830268252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140204593330735,0.0,0.0,0.10203621327450896,0.1968243778546136,0.0,0.12193072504212996,0.17911534005491112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427532270426076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45294722723710107,0.12191001462359025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820724357515894,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IFuckedUp42,2018/02/15,"Reddit Won't Let Me Whine This is my 4th post crying about my ""pathetic"" life. It keeps preventing me from posting. I've hot no job, no gf, snd I'm a 24 yr old virgin. Well, I will be in April. I suck. Just want to die. I'd never kill myself, but I wish I could bring myself to jump off a bridge or lie on some train tracks or provoke a bear or something. I fucking hate myself. Such a waste of life",-1.4012068965517237,0.5962936206896536,1.0719827586206918,100.29004310344831,95.55172413793105,3.8195402298850576,14.14655172413793,5.46131890053228,-1.1048689655172417,303,6,74,2,12,102,68,87,0.25,0.6409999999999999,0.109,-0.9226,1,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,4,0,6,4,0,1,1,13,14,4,2,3,5,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,0,1,12,1,8,9,1,10,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,4,3,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208571960649286,0.0,0.2505109544933333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668815130122234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108359042701036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251600153107577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263123301489046,0.20270838879325825,0.2523123373106234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320471010964325,0.322168155800265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589235401400558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393084600109076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436832959178178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557015545402233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451449047706787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505148996074452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225539293516803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,facelesskappa,2018/02/15,"Just want to whine and need an ear So today is my birthday, nobody said anything about it and it sucks, but not the worst thing yet. I went to my collage today just to know that my 8 years crush got a boyfriend, well at this point i dont really care anymore, i thought it could got any worse and i just want to go home early to sleep, then this woman come to my apartment and start to talk about her new boyfriend for whole 3 hours! Im like "" mother fucker you better leave or imma batista bang your head"". She left and i just go straight to my bad to cry(not really) , then what happened next is completely out of my fucking expectations, she come back to my apartment claiming that she left her boyfriend's birthday present. Thanks for listening guys, RIP since i will remember my birthday as the worst day of my life for the rest of my worthless life. ",5.046363636363637,5.781337619047622,4.554458874458877,89.61175324675327,68.64285714285714,7.537662337662339,29.558441558441558,7.348242739294969,1.4780642857142858,672,24,141,6,11,202,107,168,0.151,0.708,0.141,-0.4637,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,10,13,3,0,5,0,5,7,3,0,0,23,25,11,0,5,7,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,2,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,8,1,0,5,3,23,5,21,18,4,27,0,2,0,2,13,8,3,1,15,85,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411139849296164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724781233800426,0.0,0.0,0.11388493657057668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064150105366827,0.1155516533394844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239659842227425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411000065207312,0.0,0.0,0.23842514304618065,0.14510152210643407,0.0,0.0,0.11049485992976464,0.0,0.0,0.08925147915086239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162194553294712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794130017903754,0.0,0.0,0.15730288084930888,0.0,0.2213696678529556,0.0,0.0,0.13702997312209494,0.12237970926560665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203025818796927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881859672106844,0.0,0.13628837748584705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494872556368259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605669895690548,0.0,0.0,0.1465372903132959,0.3007269224883747,0.0,0.1955009175124325,0.06761140744022441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261601565914034,0.0,0.13365998781391886,0.14718160719917034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130825301290261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773150927584355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567713127271149,0.0,0.13164261329801388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447940542301616,0.0,0.13849208165234786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795466651968476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123435712292692,0.0,0.1274128857252127,0.0,0.0,0.09194158610625952,0.0,0.0,0.1098678978344671,0.0,0.0,0.26235912728066324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325453545624766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443115094674398,0.1282908970329671,0.0,0.15450987814133618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103341027106608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911999854572934
suicidewatch,expandingxo,2018/02/15,"I’m pretty sure the girl I thought was my girlfriend cheated on me today I dont know what to do I have no one I can talk to and  I feel so numb, why has my life been so shity Since I was born why do people hurt me so bad is it because I’m not attractive?  Is a life of Constant sadness really worth living? 
",-0.3918633540372696,1.3083826086956556,2.4484886128364387,95.06478260869568,85.23188405797102,5.1022774327122145,20.002070393374744,6.18269132825596,-0.05152339544513397,236,7,57,2,7,83,50,69,0.275,0.627,0.098,-0.9298,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,0,1,6,16,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,4,1,10,2,4,12,0,4,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997152538126927,0.1458091682482356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584814802472009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803311371332929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094261661810735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560598867595573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145361833731176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378966395824656,0.0,0.0,0.21121083874527333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208262856382327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582555333666582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24334416353269364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323246241675156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786201970830095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254355444724573,0.0,0.0,0.19225339684435347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989165855907167,0.0,0.0,0.2267259627215993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316669897400661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Terminait,2018/02/15,"I can’t stand it It’s been almost a year since my mom kicked me out and said I’m not her son anymore, but that seemed to kick start this wave of bad luck and depression. My mother was physically, emotionally and physically abusive, not as much physically to me but towards my older sister, after 18 years of my life I got sick of it and retaliated, I started calling her the names she would use towards my sister (eg. “c*nt”, “pigger”, “carpet muncher” and almost anything else you can think of) after that she would put me down even worse so I left, since then I have moved in with my dad an hour away. After moving in I didn’t have anything except what I had on my back, I found a job, settled in, and even bought a car. things were looking up, until I was verbally abused by my grandfather (my dad moved in with my grandfather after he divorced his wife) called a bum and told to leave every night because I was living in his basement, but all of that would be forgotten by the morning. Not too long after that I lost my job, and it wasn’t too long after that that I hit a deer and wrote off my car, but even that was followed by a drained savings account and now minus signs in my checkings, I’ve applied to every job I am qualified for and beyond, I can’t stand this anymore, my nights are filled with dark thoughts and a wet pillow. I don’t want to live like this.

Edit: I forgot to mention that through all of this my mom has been messaging me telling me that I have all this stuff at her house (stuff I’ve bought or that we’re gifts) telling me I won’t get anything back or trying to get me to jump through hoops, she also sent me a message to tell me that my dogs are having seizures and the vet told her they might need to be put down if it gets worse but she worded it as “not like you’re ever going to see them again but...” and these are my dogs that I’ve had since I was 10 and 12.",6.088810741687977,4.8367277723785165,6.39971739130435,84.00044565217394,66.67263427109974,9.047621483375961,30.54744245524296,7.554174236665415,1.7043226598465475,1473,43,324,12,20,476,195,391,0.109,0.86,0.031,-0.9869,4,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,1,2,1,13,7,0,0,12,0,32,2,0,1,4,57,60,30,0,6,14,9,1,2,0,5,2,1,2,0,28,19,0,1,4,0,4,12,10,3,0,0,24,4,58,4,53,28,4,55,0,2,2,0,38,18,0,8,25,228,86,5,0.0,0.20634254317847406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438883303598296,0.0,0.0,0.06963494971004308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727127418854479,0.0,0.0,0.21496932431368287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818111254876868,0.13391272279295954,0.07270514020474812,0.05308095309819513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778294396200481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499875859006364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274114218057788,0.09794920745764477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253938346712125,0.07876557102170689,0.1467312116236808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954747563121075,0.0,0.0,0.13648144397924422,0.0,0.0494875134895704,0.0,0.0696429357485794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575269420225816,0.10047445154244776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592296134446789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220131369432813,0.09460874176600192,0.0,0.061504622422574026,0.08508224184278558,0.0,0.15378007789169287,0.1541197125178729,0.0731222285413727,0.0,0.0950541550865239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237427872503354,0.0,0.20396560794045204,0.0,0.2776452347114715,0.06401115851379363,0.06456603250696265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634305680253423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507162532594134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282957777014398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938860112665253,0.07927106608736159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609144433572156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326622003580595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936324475734504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832578277543525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784967774423321,0.055795028381081316,0.0,0.06912891927723168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641042553300636,0.0,0.05911914624750603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520603453778292,0.0,0.0,0.05135990505707321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747654094029042,0.1855696862493317,0.0,0.0,0.11214866775255634
suicidewatch,StandardCharacter,2018/02/15,"Suicidal thought buildup I get regularly depressed; it's been that way for a really long time. And until this past few months I've managed to keep it under control. I pushed myself out of bed, showered, went to class, swam as a workout, etc. I graduated last summer and moved in with my girlfriend (she's wonderful).

But, as of now I have had a lot of job submissions and interviews but have landed nothing. As everyone is aware, living is expensive, and I've seen my bank account just chip away as I look around for employment. I can barely afford the basics for my girlfriend and myself. And those old thoughts, those deep dark *sad* thoughts, have caught up with me. Those thoughts that *you're worthless* or *you can't do anything right*, creep up on me even when I'm doing fine.

Simple critiques of me just have devastating effects: I lose my sense of hunger, I don't sleep; thinking of what I did wrong, my everyday motivation and creativity just evaporate. Then those feelings make me less social and more irritable and then I realize I'm not treating people as well as I should be... The cycle continues in this negative feedback loop.

And it's just accumulating to a point where I find myself thinking about killing myself on a regular basis. I know that ending my life will be a living nightmare for those that I love and care about. It will follow my parents, my brother, my girlfriend and her family, and my friends until they die.

But I just *can't* keep going on like this. I'm probably not giving my wonderful girlfriend the love she deserves. Right now all I feel is that deep gut hurt, the empty feeling that just sucks color away from life. I just need help. Maybe a little space and a soft cry will help. I honestly didn't think I would be showing my thoughts anywhere, especially on the internet. To whomever is reading this, thank you. I hope you are OK.

PS Just proofreading this helped me a little. I'm still in a lot of pain, but I'm surprised just how much typing my thoughts cleared my mind a little.",4.803424030172413,6.448807013020833,5.215283764367818,81.25593750000003,70.015625,8.213218390804597,30.428879310344826,8.74248658614541,2.4584898706896556,1599,66,296,28,29,509,208,384,0.157,0.698,0.145,-0.8534,5,0,0,0,0,1,59.0,0,3,1,4,21,22,2,0,16,1,27,8,2,5,2,67,65,31,3,4,16,2,4,1,5,5,3,0,2,0,21,18,1,3,19,3,3,7,7,9,1,0,13,7,50,13,42,44,8,51,0,5,3,2,22,25,1,6,19,205,71,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731846068669833,0.08364149355269866,0.0,0.0,0.1765510584344792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579524417880432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538056766533163,0.0,0.0,0.10320715952494236,0.0,0.0,0.08092487501801092,0.0,0.09751234966317224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321785838942966,0.0,0.10478669536184801,0.06205759626449483,0.0,0.0,0.08977977196636372,0.0,0.0,0.08857413192440339,0.0,0.14252218022571742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587483515890751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259080931665869,0.0,0.04908856272616261,0.09013194722329368,0.05339782843587219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893183623451407,0.0,0.0,0.0933203265218164,0.0,0.0,0.1005827235808252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932376502551748,0.16702628483088228,0.10394930512957498,0.0,0.051636213404002144,0.07658735198352963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272896714949564,0.045902558367758174,0.28250826361313897,0.16593119429704775,0.08314883277930038,0.07890006870771052,0.10511365306901227,0.0,0.15975746403540966,0.16959940434237145,0.0,0.06271690974859323,0.0,0.0943922585770497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486960837489944,0.0,0.07499544068609028,0.09986123477581983,0.06906907660699772,0.06966779463103043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901541068615314,0.0,0.09859188177206564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999766854108412,0.0,0.10432793424757617,0.0,0.08969242014716798,0.06513783164155329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888195684103307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130134783002652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939822502635783,0.0,0.060191147492562276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047722901235334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402467870735584,0.09577715002284627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503404118514305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277351587890833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650282023749965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061121743541436,0.0,0.4475473400740773,0.054786979779119935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457855372976163,0.0,0.0,0.0844784687280766,0.08709891735820194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037843358575136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674423216763417,0.10272703768708892,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cla7997,2018/02/15,"Im just average at everything I basically don't live anymore, I'm surviving. A lot of people have suggested me to trying to improve at something that I love to do, so I did, but I can't find something that I'm good at

I can't find a thing that I'm good at and maybe try to work on it for being useful in the future.
I like to play guitar and I learn new instrument quickly, but I'm just average at it. I like editing images and video, but I'm just average at it. I like to help others, I like to make people happy, I like to write programs, I like to play with hardware, I like to create wooden things, but I'm so average at all of these things that I can't improve nothing.
I mean, the only thing that I'm improved at it's the only not useful one, videogames, Minecraft in particular, people often ask me things about it and I'm happy that I can be at least useful in that, but it's not a productive thing..

Sorry if this post is a bit messy, I'm constantly deleting texts, and sorry if my English isn't perfect, I still have a lot of grammar expression to learn

Thank you in advance

Edit: I'm 17yo",3.2155847639484985,3.8446703733905636,5.231864270386269,83.49011400214594,72.73390557939916,8.05675965665236,27.86722103004292,8.278499904357787,1.8108371244635189,859,31,182,13,16,299,106,233,0.034,0.642,0.324,0.9973,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,0,4,9,16,0,0,8,0,13,1,0,4,2,33,31,14,0,2,12,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,22,6,0,0,5,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,0,21,16,31,28,5,21,0,0,0,1,7,14,0,5,12,122,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097213843833216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460895016706773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216296351846373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092132117507798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056615467283644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454436584310068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877084356154508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23823369463270064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500245863383709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086837775193217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826718719269983,0.0,0.09880744122615484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902623108932705,0.10099175894889516,0.0,0.0746923735482381,0.0,0.1124159635090602,0.1218890563739715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807119194602148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736855903140734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582456416886442,0.17020600753569384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23272667320166898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716676377017527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228814794590325,0.0,0.2505199232150405,0.0,0.0,0.08936139640011995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302007844543618,0.0,0.0,0.4460379038973627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194195888767864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899302408733755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146262914952902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whywha,2018/02/15,"I like seeing my own blood. Sometimes I have a urge to crash the car when I am driving alone. I am not suicidal. I do not want to die, but nowadays I've been having a craving to see my own blood. I accidentally cut my finger and the sight of blood made me calm/happy. When I drive I get a urge to crash the car or speed/ drive recklessly. Just the thought of doing that gives me a rush. 

Background:I graduated from college and moved back to my parents home. My job search was not going well but now I just started a job as a teacher at an after school program. I hate working there and its been only a week. The kids are little brats and I just find myself so drained. People say that my job is easier than other jobs and that if I can't handle this, I won't be able to handle other jobs/life. I feel so pathetic. I don't talk to anyone after I graduated from college and I feel so isolated. I don't talk or have connections with people around my age (22). I just talk to my mom in passing but our relationship is shaky. As a child, she's told me that I'm dirty and deserve to get raped. She doesn't say stuff like that to me anymore but sometimes she tells me that I am mentally disabled. I know that she loves me and cares for me, but sometimes we don't get along.",2.1174819897084056,3.620376852830191,3.7130102915951966,89.89641080617497,76.69811320754717,6.478559176672382,23.366209262435675,7.1686216300943375,0.7204716981132071,986,30,218,11,22,328,139,265,0.17800000000000002,0.742,0.081,-0.9808,6,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,2,0,0,1,14,9,3,1,14,0,21,6,4,1,0,35,40,23,2,2,15,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,2,12,12,0,0,5,0,0,9,9,4,1,0,6,8,43,5,25,32,2,23,0,0,3,2,20,4,0,4,12,149,55,11,0.11768380658664693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218849320446897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671071355179925,0.08228725385017815,0.0,0.0,0.10476353827800268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904915830772729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998648402964796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213721136004416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900893722590712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756086719827716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844547951645901,0.11289303074256002,0.06688241930757849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527660043297714,0.0,0.11618839485058233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804645335748705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671320765119872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467594240259421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498872691911008,0.11795009084512068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621423012702294,0.11135526326768733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859759751262827,0.0,0.0,0.13782985194309166,0.0,0.1250792620690555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950383794457004,0.0,0.0,0.13067394027492527,0.0,0.0,0.1631742674280781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634836633891408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717377295965995,0.0,0.1191022951042644,0.18755751455151054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491768816440093,0.0,0.08329720401725703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471980293766728,0.12872698355106713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28376935785294805,0.10286083408047393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342779702103987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124519204222774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941295820709484,0.0,0.09439885106602357,0.0,0.10581187537839412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567521280245075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Astrbn20,2018/02/15,"I feel so helpless I’m a sophomore in college and I have no friends. I suffer from social anxiety and depression and most likely seasonal affective disorder. I’m so lonely and empty all the time. I’ve reached out for help so much. I try to go to therapy and I told my last therapist I felt suicidal and she said I probably wouldn’t so we don’t have to talk about it. That took a lot of courage for me to say and i stopped going to her. I’m still waiting for someone to get back to me here but I don’t know if I should wait. I feel trapped. My family is more of a burden than a family. Nobody will talk to me. I feel like I’m screaming for help but since I seem okay or look good on paper gradeswise it’s like nobody cares unless I ruin myself to the point of no return when it’s too late. I don’t see a future for myself. I don’t think it’s going to get any better. If this therapist doesn’t call me, I’m going to kill myself. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know why I’m writing this here but that’s all I wanted to say.",-0.4321204901293392,1.5829644469026576,2.3672566371681434,93.57248468345816,88.15929203539824,5.600816882232811,19.311776718856365,7.010146845296331,0.3063626957113685,799,24,185,12,26,279,119,226,0.197,0.669,0.134,-0.9286,0,3,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,0,1,11,17,1,0,7,1,13,0,0,1,2,36,43,19,2,5,7,0,4,3,1,3,0,4,0,0,9,9,0,3,8,0,0,5,10,8,0,0,4,10,31,9,27,36,6,19,0,5,2,0,15,4,0,6,13,118,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885534872641999,0.0,0.09961729316620613,0.0,0.12914240566536378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013048824244797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516825584500105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296831131248188,0.0,0.13276710186541918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215756290477548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492424273209115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24551805043470626,0.0,0.19752814434911373,0.09302858663118037,0.12503080489098747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060699210755264,0.0,0.1360682623393423,0.0,0.29602617491552835,0.1092216446407054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456630240883786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440681956738667,0.0,0.1431300784025883,0.10614598719974692,0.14689287291350198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085549689670092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935128929524617,0.0,0.0,0.11070766447319796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957260583053108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309918710334175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039826801160998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386823133845465,0.2071109890588143,0.0,0.0,0.10376780285491256,0.11854662328237245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771862635638553,0.0,0.0,0.13274202432980828,0.1103342630425487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399318123567296,0.10886904005454684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243861445035472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790859467123517,0.2093304399798765,0.0,0.0,0.14891694649980292,0.30238893909967834,0.0,0.08343917316858017,0.0,0.0,0.07593183343899762,0.0,0.0,0.12442997804633912,0.14467826680399226,0.08841025490000247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680662840978228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750252839515796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EthanHawking,2018/02/15,"My buddy is contemplating suicide My good friend had a recent break up with his girlfriend. He has dove deep into Fetish and Freak stuff with random girls, which he has never done before.

I didn't think much of it, but I'm now thinking it is a self destructive for him on wanting to cause harm to deflect his own destruction upon himself.

He owns a gun and has drunkly joked about ""almost blowing his brains out"". Knowing him, he probably has put a loaded gun to his head...without true intention of doing anything.

It is starting to worry me though, because I know that talking to him will be blown off.

I know where he keeps his gun. Would it be safe for me to take it, in it's case...and keep it away from him until we have a serious conversation about his situation?

He also has no solid family structure to back up on and no friends that he would consider being a solid support structure.

I don't know what to do, but I truly think that eliminating that gun from his possession would keep him safe. I'm not worried about the legal ramifications of taking my buddies gun. His well being is more important to me.

Any help is possible.",5.128696969696968,6.182364172727276,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,68.63636363636363,8.593939393939394,30.12121212121212,8.841846274778883,2.4336757575757577,898,34,166,15,15,295,131,220,0.175,0.649,0.17600000000000002,-0.4076,0,0,0,5,0,1,27.0,1,0,0,0,9,14,2,0,7,0,25,2,1,2,2,33,42,8,1,4,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,14,8,1,5,7,2,0,1,6,5,1,0,3,0,26,9,32,31,4,20,0,0,0,0,30,12,0,2,6,123,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304489288978688,0.0,0.0,0.1062519229502126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035261195865088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933639969940974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483084195484365,0.10216482070783073,0.0,0.08099314155029623,0.0,0.11305814862261987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832104441670055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648873655257182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596680777946013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525309745051472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053020112262856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144068043604764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635760396658345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905646671793288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542889849924009,0.0,0.0,0.2920760510523341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976709067886428,0.0,0.10247351534968256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978508515373526,0.0,0.0,0.14325071345268242,0.0,0.0,0.13356580942728527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118794920937954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860695060364886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934558851340882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404238078827434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520983946227129,0.14533251322970425,0.15077338688829872,0.0,0.0,0.19979557067818135,0.10679168375496456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554031738905629,0.13053897960552646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836709436249269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946140081958598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280769143281319,0.0,0.0,0.26986128322149505,0.0,0.2831499999261926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Old-School-Lover,2018/02/15,"There's nothing to die for, because I'm burying my sins I realize my inner power now, no I will not die, this is the very beginning. ",9.896071428571428,4.771959321428575,10.922857142857143,66.62214285714289,62.92857142857143,14.057142857142859,45.85714285714286,11.20814326018867,5.052314285714285,103,5,21,2,1,37,24,28,0.165,0.635,0.2,0.2714,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432230539104696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8281856084697529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38284552728485416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292118561170479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lowberry,2018/02/15,"really, no one gives a shit about me, to be frank some family members act liek they do, but there is a much bigger conspiracy behind it. i just need someone to take me out of this. its not fucking working. ",3.668943089430893,4.836622073170737,5.2814634146341515,81.5389430894309,72.17073170731706,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,1.855432520325204,159,5,32,3,3,54,38,41,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.8247,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,7,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,6,6,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444523828084927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377924694894096,0.0,0.3505105081326705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685999568809541,0.27092828734864044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475942770631416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340749350553701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37506236819593497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095894557906001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747239860550027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660045724367335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giedz,2018/02/15,"Conflicted feelings and lost - looking for advice or listener? Suffering from pretty bad anxiety and depression after a breakup last year. The breakup made me realize how lonely I really am since I depended too much on my SO for happiness. Lessons learned however this isn't about that anymore. It's previous depression and anxious feelings that have escalated.

I really feel like my endurance is coming to an end for this stuff. I have been taking the correct steps according to everybody to recovery. I started immediately with therapy and medication. I have found new hobbies I am passionate about, new friends although a slow work in progress. I have attempted to practice self-compassion, mindfulness. I have reached out to support groups, or tried to meet friends with experience. I have tried talking to family briefly because I don't feel connected to them or anything they have to say.

 To this day, I remain convinced I should just kill myself. Sometimes I distract myself from it and don't think about it, but have yet to think it's not a bad idea. I bounce between anxiety and depression from week to week or so. Anxiety weeks are OK, just exhausting and annoying as heck. During my depression weeks the feelings are stronger and I am just miserable. I can be completely normal then suddenly be in tears. I often just want to go ahead and get it over with. I recently came close and caused some panic to people around me which only became really fucking annoying rather quickly. People are there in the last moments then they scatter. I won't make the same mistakes next time. Now I just go on lying to people since it's easier that way. I want to be alone and at the same time I don't. ""How are you doing?"" I hate this fucking question. I feel like nobody cares and at the same time I know people do care just not in any way that helps. I know a lot of the depressive feelings are irrational and aware of what's supposed to be or how I'm supposed to think about them if that makes any sense. But I really don't care sometimes. It's just been too exhausting trying to keep up an image.

I hate to be the fake 'nice guy' but I really feel I have been passionate in helping others my entire life due to being over-empathetic my entire life always prioritizing others over myself. Sometimes I feel like doing it but leaving a note saying it was nobody's fault and just my decision. Sometimes I just wanna disconnect from everything and go quietly and other times I just wanna do it as a fuck you to the world. In the end if I do it, it would probably be quietly since I wouldn't want to hurt anybody.

I'm running out of ideas here. Friends and family want me to find help and yet when I look they disappear. ""I'm always here to listen if you need"" Really? That is the most fucking bullshit that pisses me off lately. But at the same time I don't blame people. They have their own lives to deal with as I do my own. I just hate how fake everything has become.
",4.238467408465528,6.269383369257952,5.201295391323964,79.22099578979025,72.19787985865725,8.915961205924367,29.533719269227877,9.475245186127108,2.9288152469739126,2361,99,426,58,47,772,250,566,0.194,0.674,0.132,-0.9933,1,3,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,3,7,6,34,47,11,3,21,1,49,12,1,9,1,111,100,44,1,16,27,0,9,3,3,4,5,6,0,1,29,28,0,2,23,0,0,8,10,31,0,0,8,17,64,16,70,81,10,64,0,10,2,6,26,20,6,14,37,308,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000810827202551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360114486619878,0.0,0.0,0.10219431970519023,0.0,0.0,0.08352037393559696,0.0,0.14093301968228306,0.0693746261054096,0.06090117027200505,0.0,0.0,0.050534327617699056,0.05466697862432871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025478045203204,0.03743432160873905,0.06782135276674778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023547113747718,0.18783152990455226,0.0630839002202001,0.0,0.05289836678060435,0.06438610826647106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960368792916542,0.06330992366228765,0.2644571626401415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878019252181524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038079639665012,0.060069729599018164,0.11578177220207238,0.0,0.2794518599186577,0.13161168321279765,0.0,0.0,0.05612666128495121,0.0,0.0,0.06733173623864236,0.1423331908367793,0.2270863126863178,0.03208363809954429,0.0,0.10470035224264164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080450816166597,0.0,0.06537096160140017,0.0,0.18188585271443186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234833599232652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573954345405547,0.13864644360190811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054583090011406654,0.06793989681630871,0.0,0.06749749805984387,0.10011296919607596,0.06927196236556171,0.06502320376947175,0.0,0.0,0.08674990488326348,0.09000392283207646,0.0,0.054225221636141935,0.0,0.10313609158078724,0.0,0.06703511531101132,0.05220768724077214,0.0,0.05810662656894387,0.08198189245509183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186304941354266,0.0,0.0,0.0620055265974113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514263882791512,0.04553395304328329,0.0,0.11861827941363247,0.06530910743312457,0.0,0.06016772567938632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670426826103639,0.0,0.0720501631858983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286614446574675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062474971832936675,0.06620922679902423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879207013396367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604084768834596,0.0,0.06063392267412149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976697123217454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640629202274056,0.0,0.0,0.15239433642413974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429400589645267,0.0,0.043465565847863916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029854764855352,0.0,0.06968614066303952,0.0,0.0,0.046171882616283334,0.04935818216582655,0.0,0.0,0.07022647803752306,0.0,0.0,0.11804511305904597,0.0,0.0,0.17904024218491765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250779237009481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448823422702374,0.09748712103065227,0.1970341994251279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470644180113388,0.0,0.0,0.043623151120638574,0.0,0.0,0.03954534585008765
suicidewatch,carramrod93,2018/02/15,"I spent my whole car ride home telling myself to end it when I get home In the last 3 months I have lost my dog, got a ticket for possession of marijuana, crashed my girlfriends car. I can't tell anyone about the ticket because my mom will kick me out and at 24 I can't afford a place to live or have anywhere else to go. I spend my whole ride home telling my self to end it when I got home and now I'm sitting here in bed just wondering why I am even trying to live anymore ",5.835145631067963,3.9418010582524303,6.3061359223301,86.54153398058256,67.54368932038835,9.405048543689322,31.27961165048544,7.554174236665415,1.6925238834951457,371,11,89,3,5,121,66,103,0.025,0.975,0.0,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,14,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,2,5,2,1,0,0,4,0,16,0,12,9,2,18,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,7,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189934436194193,0.10004657683377648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722173431461815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952702818427645,0.0,0.2534571655925456,0.0,0.0,0.09450460969014372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475467533279746,0.0,0.08131705445253501,0.0,0.2288722143898037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740934598346216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663129483064008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526888519114889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619139779046662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757643774963213,0.11420704760094337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949070813899445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926620190677914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751811073470228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714359230453147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910965731386595,0.31949289438150263,0.0,0.0,0.15516681502694565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IRequestedTheHandjob,2018/02/15,"I'm going to run away and kill myself in the next two weeks... There's a lot of shit going on in my life right now. Most of it is permanently ruining my life. I've been on and off suicidal for a while, and I've been self harming and taking drugs/drinking. I'm only 14 but I've been through a lot and I'm tired of everything. The worst of it all has happened, and now I have no family to talk to, no family that loves me, I can't see my friends anymore, so I have no one. I've lost my phone and all my freedom to hang out so I have nothing going for me. I also fucked up everything for myself and the people around me. I feel like I have no more chances, and even if I did, I would have to live in this shitty way for another 5 years. I can't take it anymore. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's really complicated. I'm sorry for wasting your time, but please don't comment saying that I'm being a bitch or what not. I'm running away from home in a few days to the city, I'm going to spend my last days with homeless people, doing drugs and getting drunk, and then I'm going to kill myself by slitting my wrists, overdosing, starving, or just jumping off a cliff. I've written a runaway/suicide note already. ",2.8750299145299145,3.4766131269230764,4.611794871794874,87.72542735042738,73.5,7.470085470085473,25.982905982905983,7.594959193182576,1.1889957264957265,943,30,212,11,18,321,138,260,0.257,0.664,0.079,-0.9945,0,1,3,0,0,4,33.0,0,1,0,1,9,13,5,0,11,0,18,9,2,0,2,31,43,22,3,2,8,0,1,2,1,1,4,1,1,1,9,14,1,0,3,1,1,9,9,9,0,2,6,3,25,4,34,35,9,35,0,2,1,2,8,14,3,7,13,140,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730758048352522,0.09225693883425523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096972377586047,0.0,0.0,0.2288211441290696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269885241144852,0.0,0.0,0.2167774668182333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880110091821885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130132778600798,0.1337861794970321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761971558501777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736432492636084,0.0,0.21751074294830025,0.0,0.05833175110683075,0.08241641279633581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913031673378817,0.10665260957395092,0.060273183134014585,0.0,0.3278214836140113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201643514497352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571998703294115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25526742510997186,0.0,0.0634013051921713,0.09403745466339053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297069826259994,0.1127225224439144,0.0,0.10186895588390696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593396574959376,0.19615752330226616,0.1041209539416744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480617219236908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269144105236812,0.0,0.0,0.11069533698635924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817396226823749,0.0877398911340287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599584195359416,0.0,0.0,0.12663556377817542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390544465731791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852064183522792,0.0,0.0917424707128008,0.0,0.0,0.091930560107992,0.10502349647411556,0.12035032034041772,0.0,0.11841998840751718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914109853133912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523800494404998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734794743625411,0.09272560498321956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726996029619936,0.1325945073791378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269434100149388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157096026419476,0.09253843305400714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195162182727618,0.0,0.0,0.07429094746440655
suicidewatch,EdwardKnightIII,2018/02/15,"I’ve been stuck in a cage for too long! I came to US when I was 18 and went to a community college in Virginia. After 1 year my parent  ran out of money so I cant go to school any more ... I love this country,my dream and goal is to get a chance to serve in US military ... I volunteered at my local fire department and became a volunteer Emt and fire fighter though there while I didn’t go school, but can’t do any thing more because I don’t have a green card. After that, I applied for a green card by working for a company in Georgia, but it was denied because I didn’t go to school to maintain my f1 status ... so now I’m working undertable and using my I-20 for driver license ... my only option is to go back to my country or marry a US citizen ... My hope and dream is in US so I rather die than to go back and to get some one to marry you is not something I can control and it takes a long time for some one to say yes especialy I’m a male ... My driver license expires this year so I think I will expire my life at the same time ... life without purpose is not thing so I will end it and I have not thing to regret ... I did what I could to get to my goal and I will die knowing it ... This is my message to the world ... if you are lucky  enough to be born in this country and have a chance to follow your dream don’t waste it ... I will try my best to follow my dream until the last day even if I fail ... you should do the same!",1.0354144884241985,2.33670151456311,3.174449838187701,93.47114451082899,79.16181229773463,5.918894697535475,21.916977844162307,6.490185161304077,0.24660607418471514,1084,31,258,9,26,370,142,309,0.08900000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.116,0.6990000000000001,1,0,1,0,1,0,45.0,4,4,0,7,14,6,0,0,15,1,30,3,0,2,0,37,52,25,2,7,10,1,2,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,14,13,0,1,2,4,1,11,10,2,0,2,10,5,41,4,41,35,8,40,0,2,2,1,14,11,0,8,18,185,55,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460364107789882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512841633043618,0.0,0.13090875220223586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268270240659176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280759329690705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204294066294492,0.08572964068149867,0.0,0.0,0.0692475400462911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287514043905768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510175859594999,0.11094635389912473,0.0,0.07091971186488212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682959186606026,0.0,0.3051164430170741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664690652625962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901010668859182,0.08752438479918695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168328573743325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190045751610365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690949708358428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551920783764113,0.08166299291428121,0.0,0.0,0.11922645222611734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853883523095967,0.0,0.3260055692985254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266198125803759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073211000456212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400413952975508,0.06880111526015578,0.10549470366759764,0.0,0.12522163453840762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290010083471597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166322445319079,0.09273691941068572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953705097535244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350499264309056,0.0,0.15633953708999646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829105639334754
suicidewatch,im-comin-for-u,2018/02/15,"If I could I would Idk how to kill myself I think if I had a gun I would but I can’t get one without getting somebody in trouble I think.   I live in a house with guns but I don’t want them to get into trouble and I’m too much of a coward to do it any other way.  I guess I could drive to NY and buy a gun there but I totalled my car a few months ago.  My day sucked so much and my best friend is turning into an asshole or he always was and I just didn’t see it till now.  He just totally fucked me over for some tinder date and didn’t even text me when he was supposed to pick me up from work so I just waited 45 min until I texted somebody else.  I have work at 7 AM in just a few hours and I can’t fall asleep I’ll probably just call out...   more than anything right now I just want to die so I don’t have to experience anything anymore.

PS, if somebody knows anything about the legality of using somebody else’s gun to kill yourself that would be awesome I don’t want to hurt anyone when I do it.",0.23463320463320514,1.8474486666666683,2.4058301158301165,96.64283783783787,82.60360360360359,4.949292149292148,20.481338481338483,5.622346879071545,-0.25741209781209795,772,22,189,4,21,261,123,222,0.213,0.7020000000000001,0.085,-0.9861,0,0,0,4,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,3,18,9,4,0,8,0,22,2,1,3,2,43,39,21,3,11,14,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,3,0,1,3,8,7,0,1,5,1,29,2,28,28,9,26,0,1,1,1,6,10,2,6,12,132,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938223651500808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206130364829707,0.0,0.0,0.0915843660529882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356250237930184,0.09416866030274734,0.0,0.33248086477796024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133425780593173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751935550948358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505581387228126,0.0,0.0,0.0868549428466366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397725289001603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250092001205188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895229370756813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317390678481085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405042056873587,0.12450588405365727,0.21108811066526464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836090736441293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262882979435414,0.15539813712294392,0.14417355019255895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979983008421425,0.0,0.0740144623243708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892146343737135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749717791525733,0.0,0.1980048586564828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912600106182624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520361386128194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501265330712318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731941490711536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725900134419503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464889232848195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631690930542532,0.0,0.0,0.2383063588650271,0.10689961930496003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129822954206713,0.0,0.19609160916826748,0.0,0.0,0.2870101115949102,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plmdss999,2018/02/15,"Death Wish I've wanted to die everyday for the last 4 years. I've tried to off myself a few times and I've never been able to pull through the whole way, guess the body's will to live is too strong. I met a wonderful woman who really turned things around for me for the last year and a half but I feel as if it just masked my real feelings. Because now these emotions have caught up to me and are eating me away. I've tried to overdose on sleeping pills but all I got was this strange floating feeling, and vomit all over myself. I joined the Army as a means to turn my life around and to have a purpose. All I wanted was too fight, and see combat. But even that has fallen through, as all I've gotten in return is a broken foot and a fractured femur so my career has already come to an end. Wasn't even getting a combat deployment, just fucking off for a year in Korea. This seemed like my last hope in life, to fight and die in combat. And now I don't even want to face my family a failure, I just want to die. Honestly my boot strings are looking very enticing.",4.215934065934063,4.4874039773755685,4.875930833872012,88.2206447963801,70.31221719457014,7.581254040077572,26.192954104718808,7.1686216300943375,1.048941564318035,833,23,181,7,14,268,124,221,0.202,0.718,0.08,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,2,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,13,7,3,0,16,0,14,10,4,0,5,38,38,17,4,7,7,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,12,1,0,6,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,8,5,18,4,33,29,6,30,0,0,2,1,5,12,1,5,14,120,25,1,0.11964626038050245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203262352262238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302107643779908,0.0,0.0,0.11241160014153072,0.0,0.0,0.07293524981151522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329000229640937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306465911389323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725217856997092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242799409090326,0.0,0.1345859389816827,0.10597107380558413,0.0,0.0,0.2370756797116968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127918460422522,0.0,0.18149023264879735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061103976762003,0.0625102328315262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956920443201811,0.0,0.13180384484779076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883573310822848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925830135512753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901938413407597,0.0584531192558628,0.0,0.105649839937089,0.0,0.10047272503893806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032985305750586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227857196342942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618363821292795,0.07664845811734225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953425788697089,0.10892146185113318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973266747884916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948765897224944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976669659760941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624639140231251,0.2602815480108556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872069518396888,0.28228185720054144,0.0949696324150316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358077690054335,0.13758729471457512,0.0,0.1297512656148908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23114480678492497
suicidewatch,FeelsBadMann1,2018/02/15,"Just sad As of 10 minutes ago my birthday ended. Not a single member of my family, friends, or co-workers wished me a happy birthday. Not suicidal from it but I just needed to say it somewhere. I knew I wasnt THAT loved or whatever but this all really put it into perspective. ",1.0816623376623369,3.632227036363641,3.7797402597402616,81.95818181818184,87.72727272727272,6.779220779220778,24.220779220779214,7.957251820313856,2.0014415584415586,217,9,39,5,7,76,43,55,0.112,0.768,0.12,-0.1466,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,5,5,1,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,6,3,6,3,2,4,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715553241429659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713297082887807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887937017618925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366804853853017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261087065700482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764872696604492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271500704320123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079601648060535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625170374245474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436169116688569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350904315843171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35228028931401656,0.0,0.0,0.2230219588938192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,survivingthebestican,2018/02/15,"I don't know what to call what I did I've been pressing my knife up to my thigh and neck for a month or so. Today I just pressed the tip of my blade up against my throat to see how far in I could push, I started to feel the blade break skin so I stopped. I felt terrible afterwards, I don't have the courage to tell my therapist and face the consequences. I wish I had someone in my life that I trusted. I just want to be held by someone, I miss human contact. ",3.6709333333333376,3.3562287600000005,4.5980000000000025,91.78233333333336,71.4,8.266666666666667,30.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6238666666666663,356,14,88,4,6,116,64,100,0.108,0.816,0.076,-0.4557,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,8,6,5,1,0,14,17,6,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,6,19,2,14,10,0,12,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27604502630606537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584266293900806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669086833503538,0.0,0.2595665951122091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857053484337512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094751859826475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157809800337424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542415321415034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581125268631074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134642174622907,0.0,0.0,0.2260144295218433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362870731537837,0.0,0.0,0.3138829162546422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256248538233398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945218488962093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108750236074204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nabokoviandrunk,2018/02/15,"I want to end it, hopefully I can get through the night. I hit my girlfriend. I don't deserve to be alive. I'm just like my father and he was a piece of shit, meaning I'm a piece of shit too. 

I'm sitting in my hotel room. I bought some liquor (that's what got me into this mess, that's the poison that's caused all my problems) and some rope. I'm thinking about spending some time with my best friend before I go, maybe he can talk me out of it. I'm staying far, far away from my girlfriend so I don't cause more damage. I feel fucking awful.",0.211158192090398,2.0687740423728798,1.9450000000000005,98.63213276836159,84.0,4.272316384180791,20.002824858757066,4.7782277997778095,-0.5190870056497174,419,12,100,1,12,137,75,118,0.138,0.7040000000000001,0.158,0.1222,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,4,0,4,1,6,5,2,2,1,18,22,3,0,3,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,3,2,2,1,2,7,0,0,3,1,16,4,13,17,8,13,0,1,0,1,7,7,3,4,4,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960375436584997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775494052549407,0.0,0.21896977059096773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428690798392553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480574052450635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550186209040294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120576196830302,0.19289749910379292,0.1090132378009438,0.0,0.11858302313323367,0.0,0.16687987087248968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724075796504293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193793081558614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096212469741726,0.2272856558095317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580788629551052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965394531839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42836119432917136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223976764565938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770838871736246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369722329305564,0.0,0.0,0.12166797566215053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230696872815638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kagura_,2018/02/15,"I just want to vent a little, sorry for this. I hate people a lot. I have been excluded of everything my whole life, doesn't matter if I try to be a good person and respect others peoples feelings they always stab me on the back, I guess I'm just not worth of anyone's time or simply not worth as a human being. I just wan't to kill myself but that would destroy my mom and I don't want her to suffer more than she already do her whole fucking life. I try to cope with games and my sense of humor but lately I'm starting to drink to cope too and I know that's a really bad idea but I can't stand anymore. Sorry for the rant but I don't have many people to talk IRL.",1.5027011494252882,2.8369557241379333,3.445258620689657,91.88352011494257,77.9655172413793,5.6609195402298855,18.979885057471265,5.985473137389443,-0.19839080459770075,520,10,117,3,12,176,89,145,0.2,0.711,0.08900000000000001,-0.9516,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,4,0,7,0,11,4,0,0,0,25,21,11,1,4,11,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,3,2,2,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,20,3,17,17,4,7,0,1,0,1,9,2,1,4,4,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159046343971818,0.0,0.1293826860924106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542073379165142,0.10872436620880196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956456871462776,0.1298302140470597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232400654540945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397471402717577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862196553933143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375083270251787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042020532395854,0.0,0.0,0.17129314117350752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535172095297751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175532743327844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203003783954535,0.0,0.08545492184587967,0.0,0.17540294974523052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196587001006812,0.0,0.15584490028984724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219464309503126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764556197050794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211159804226726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233979379115884,0.13577054641988198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961283885297564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481235109793704,0.11005879148951493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249794354065027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066925644926577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111391681517416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834276764536384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472049074458409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104578118252637,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WolfgangDS,2018/02/15,"Lack of Purpose, No Control, and an Existential Crisis So here I am.  29 years old, no skills, training, or degrees to my name.  I still live with my mother- my father died when I was 12- and she's an absolute control freak, a religious nutjob, a selfish hypocrite, and a crazy cat lady.  I'm unemployed, out of shape, single after losing the love of my life to my own apathy and insensitivity, can't drive and don't have a license even if I could, and I just have a whole host of things wrong with me.

I suffer from depression and anxiety.  My mother won't acknowledge the anxiety as a legitimate issue.  She also won't acknowledge that she might have had something to do with it- and she absolutely did since she's so imposing and throws her weight around like a tyrant.  There's nowhere I can go to get away from her since all my friends are either struggling with their own lives financially, or simply don't have any place for me to stay.

I feel like I have no control over my own life because of my mother, but she doesn't see the problem.  In fact, even if she did, she wouldn't care unless it proved problematic for her.  Everything that happens either MUST benefit her, or is a problem.  She wants me to get a job, but only so that she can use my money for her wants and needs.  If I try to withhold anything from her, she will threaten to kick me out of the house- and remember that I have nowhere to go.  If she wants me to be independent, it's just so that I'm gone and not using up her resources.  It's never about me.

And then there's the existential crisis: I'm not religious at all, and I've already come to terms with the pointlessness of existence.  What got to me, however, is that existence CAN have meaning when conscious minds assign meaning to it; but what if all conscious minds go extinct, with no hope of resurrection or the rise of new consciousness?  Then reality itself becomes permanently meaningless.  So the ULTIMATE purpose is to ensure the continued existence of consciousness, because doing that will give all conscious minds the freedom to choose their own purposes.  Ever since I came to this realization, I have felt morally obligated to contribute to this goal in some way, but I have no way of doing that.  I can't choose my own path, make my own decisions, or run my own life.  Everything I do is dictated by my mother, or else I lose the roof over my head.  The anxiety I get from this is enough to paralyze me physically, so there goes finding a job.

The most likely scenario for the end of the universe is heat death.  Nothing but entropy.  When that happens, consciousness will go extinct if it hasn't found a way to survive beyond that point.  If I cannot at least TRY to contribute to this goal, then what good am I?  I'm NO good.  I'm an absolute WASTE of atoms and energy.  I wouldn't feel that way if I didn't know this shit, or if I had the ability to dismiss it, but I DO know it and I CAN'T dismiss it.  My perspective is just... too vast.

So with my hopelessness at fulfilling my moral obligation to the survival of consciousness, and my decreasing sense of autonomy, it's becoming more and more apparent that my only truly free choice is suicide.  I'm not in any danger at the moment, but this is literally the only way out of the situation I'm in that I can do ALONE.  Someone else HAS to pull me out, give me what I need to live, and give me the space to find my own sense of self sufficiency.

I can't talk to my mother about any of these things because she won't acknowledge that her actions are wrong.  I can't talk to my therapist or support person from the free mental health facility about this because I'm afraid I'll be hospitalized a 3rd time- and I'm convinced that they deal with suicidal people by making their lives as miserable as possible on the inside so that all they want to do is get out, and then life doesn't seem as bad when they ARE out.

My friends can't help, my family can't help, and I don't know if my support people can help.  What do I do?  Is my only chance at freedom truly nonexistence?",5.237438464747601,5.822691200250317,6.14503128911139,78.90980392156867,68.16145181476845,9.821109720483939,31.186065915728,9.86955202708333,2.886168794326241,3195,124,633,71,51,1058,305,799,0.145,0.748,0.107,-0.9811,7,1,1,0,0,2,92.0,0,0,6,10,30,33,2,3,38,0,73,9,2,8,10,138,125,69,4,24,34,6,4,3,2,10,5,0,0,2,42,39,1,4,27,0,3,13,30,17,0,0,11,5,96,18,98,101,25,66,2,6,1,1,48,27,1,23,23,457,138,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644294924023758,0.07079420570515853,0.05130296782606514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087830362809466,0.0,0.14723014016057273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279228497939757,0.05710958967004065,0.0,0.0,0.060273663672993825,0.0,0.05356490504043249,0.15642779611749036,0.14170344602334806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337370818511303,0.06540805113607817,0.0,0.0,0.05526195332315609,0.0,0.0,0.21585844739027385,0.051220787488042895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661387157911408,0.055254709236702934,0.0,0.06658047388305655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071828583910988,0.0,0.05682033574454912,0.0662869874464161,0.0,0.08474463350756364,0.05802987684710684,0.0,0.0,0.11531279299309186,0.0,0.0604775466664239,0.0,0.06487516252079721,0.04583077031881938,0.0615967447130424,0.0,0.11726898673366301,0.0,0.0,0.07034022960707371,0.09912858218579207,0.0,0.1340687525153715,0.18462362292135276,0.145838049595445,0.10761664324144676,0.051308851473282416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346021136415887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583927683280548,0.06819142228468017,0.0,0.0,0.12900080073489184,0.0,0.0,0.06371820168631116,0.0,0.07402371332624534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695885165997956,0.12732350228817724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577009691102307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125206830411586,0.09402544700625497,0.0,0.2265923769951246,0.0,0.0,0.14354113826788828,0.0,0.0,0.057900403130496464,0.0,0.08564497904041958,0.0,0.0,0.13976240387733074,0.0,0.0,0.06465092952307229,0.06805597863026644,0.1943281083222533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513697079280428,0.04947859121073947,0.061959170189661884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155633802362843,0.0,0.06731756779608777,0.0,0.0,0.19516436893699246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895094238606588,0.05601574702505325,0.06702601764909727,0.0,0.06064512828657436,0.07232263841537498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277112359732607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267261208821164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112147256398327,0.05840229611641778,0.06692535748854199,0.0,0.06585192324827158,0.15920356749600087,0.07211043066070784,0.0,0.0,0.054356455912277585,0.049387956623878286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683783447917061,0.051232505797718285,0.0,0.0,0.06706643150028366,0.0,0.14034549292436665,0.14559966543253575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312717480585246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448634079421668,0.08524053419780367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0374080112818048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711107484013332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081483612133236,0.0,0.0,0.15135592501549652,0.25460751720127234,0.0,0.07812082272905009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716243057650948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028202321930358,0.0,0.04131229732629263
suicidewatch,dharmic-phantasm,2018/02/15,"Possibly my last day on Earth I can't take it anymore. Why are people so in enraptured with power that they have to ruin others' lives? Truly, police are monsters.

So a warrant was issued for my arrest today over the pettiest drug crime ever. I can barely think..I'm just so shocked that I'll probably be dead tomorrow (or whenever they come for me.) I don't want to die, but I cannot do jail (semi-autistic, extreme anxiety and shyness, OCD, inherently passive and pacifistic), and I don't snitch (they've tried), so basically I'm going to have to kill myself. 

I've got some nitroglycerin pills. I'm hoping they work.. otherwise I'll have to stab myself to death somehow. Somehow ill need to acquire alcohol so i can gather the courage to do all this.

I don't have anyone to comfort me in these perhaps last hours of mine either as I can't tell anyone about this. 

Perhaps if it all goes down like this it'll be a decent way of protesting the failed, literally corrupt, policy of Prohibition. 

Sucks. I've never even really lived. I wish i could've had a girlfriend.. got a license.. a good job.

Oh well. It's not like there's a shortage of losers these days. ",3.1264977973568304,5.163596044052866,4.691125550660793,81.64514647577094,75.34361233480178,7.359383259911894,26.76850220264317,8.238735603445708,1.9374777092511009,910,35,170,16,20,305,142,227,0.218,0.639,0.14300000000000002,-0.9638,3,0,2,0,0,4,40.0,0,0,3,5,13,14,3,0,9,0,21,4,0,0,4,22,33,12,4,5,6,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,12,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,4,0,20,7,23,26,4,17,0,3,0,0,6,5,1,6,11,108,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117558502696684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225314482791329,0.0,0.15884798208707412,0.22399253380943987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797434074371967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788462877361914,0.0,0.0,0.20659589569975675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623366417578025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857491336749488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579236017409066,0.1448851066591567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910296666072146,0.13434501054877554,0.2562090020577385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908733481848006,0.1577375506156139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717837244582165,0.15894639288864573,0.0,0.17720703008289435,0.0,0.0,0.261123769321921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650428892078916,0.0,0.2828703289823305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876580573194635,0.1235348298911685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104337519958213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805703156718942,0.0,0.0,0.17269293883183318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261054146675302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204297117773004,0.0,0.13999773827297224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263200702012076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182470758814134,0.0,0.0,0.1087465462201454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447383197599724,0.1271373964246783,0.0,0.0,0.14401422434322655,0.0,0.14453067859108318,0.0,0.18419035628864144,0.0,0.0,0.11660741550097528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeHark,2018/02/15,"If my goals fail, I will end it If they fail, I will be doomed to a sad life. Been on meds since 12, and they don't work. No therapy works, and I've already spent birthdays in mental wards and shelters. ",0.9229069767441836,2.64170262790698,2.049011627906978,99.51909883720931,80.86046511627906,5.230232558139536,20.05232558139535,5.985473137389443,-0.3108558139534883,155,4,38,1,4,49,35,43,0.29100000000000004,0.6709999999999999,0.038,-0.9248,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,3,1,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,21,6,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706815713105977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975137742756037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372609481702603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731167951162008,0.0,0.3385151073254701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778656245938607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841387673741474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890883873742203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glitterhairdye,2018/02/15,"When to call the hotline? Where is the line? Don’t know where to post this - /r/Depression or /r/Anxiety and the I found this place. I don’t know why I feel like I’m drowning now. I thought my meds were working. Now I don’t think they are and it just seems like I should get off them because everything is dulled. I can’t cry though my eyes are constantly filled with tears. I feel the weight of anxiety at my back, but that will always be there. I have no motivation, I hAve no drive. I have nothing. 

I’ve had lingering passive suicidal ideation for years. What would it be like to run my car into a wall or off a bridge? What if there were an accident or a shooting? Something that wasn’t me, but would just make it stop. I’ve thought about how many pills it would take or how I could never split my wrists open. I wouldn’t do that to my family and as much as I am down on my life I am scared of not waking up the next day. The unknowing and mystery that is death terrifies me almost as much as life itself. Because maybe it could get better. But maybe it won’t and I’m just prolonging the mystery that is my life.

Some days I’m so sad that conversation is difficult and my carefully crafted facade starts to weaken. I don’t think anyone knows how far deep I am in. I can’t even tell my psych for fear of getting baker acted. Which sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be so bad, just to escape for a few days, but the stigma and the cost and the explanations and people misjudging how I really feel or finally being called crazy. And like I said, I’m not a threat to myself or others. Sometimes I just obsess over this idea of no more pain. In those little moments where I have nothing else to occupy my thoughts with. Staring aimlessly into space and realizing that I want to cry and scream and how worthless I feel. How I want to throw in the towel and make it stop. Tbh I would rather just pack up and leave. But I can’t escape myself. It’s almost as if I know I was gone I know only anhand few of people would care. Those who I think should would move on quickly. That makes me sad. I want to have a lasting impression on the world and the time for that is slowly dwindling. I’m not longer making a mark, but am merely a shadow. ",2.0777560975609752,3.905502669565223,3.3303923647932168,91.16849946977732,77.73913043478261,6.574761399787913,21.436903499469786,7.499876790926021,0.6272502651113467,1748,47,381,24,41,567,213,460,0.199,0.721,0.081,-0.9966,1,0,1,1,0,0,47.0,0,0,2,3,28,20,1,3,22,0,48,9,3,11,1,99,87,46,3,19,25,0,5,4,0,12,5,2,0,0,29,21,1,2,21,0,1,8,18,12,0,0,11,9,51,8,43,58,6,54,0,4,2,0,8,26,0,15,23,264,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671474186482904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944588371949563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276942218227307,0.0,0.0,0.05835757411791144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417602993647188,0.06968609340472033,0.10175358290199228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738140956323309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704451556598807,0.0,0.1701872357450805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901912309251565,0.0,0.13327295468780573,0.0,0.18335504376257786,0.16147549774152453,0.0,0.0718844703638152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972060041541257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055124922201385367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750089826278062,0.0,0.07867920166578384,0.09391634952820307,0.1688006963387005,0.0596242509687411,0.0,0.0914269796443432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151021189728664,0.0,0.0,0.13081411611840335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421682954860662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933874481199445,0.06803150740335169,0.0,0.08837269744679296,0.0,0.0,0.1768520155889189,0.16309848342063038,0.08364942134587489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284232575605084,0.08461592270297301,0.16769472953144118,0.0,0.09270588322725212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870538224666702,0.12270625044046797,0.0,0.06436994009497315,0.0,0.08876126762639369,0.0,0.0,0.16016534400384602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347552764608963,0.08880793548199582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572210713104693,0.0,0.08719853648421058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993215956268962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053466981038032296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793901184552952,0.0,0.08355859470687789,0.0,0.0,0.07597937229883614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425202762446773,0.1650892841630324,0.0,0.05907382407125186,0.0,0.0,0.13955355449337895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129232210415177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275196509024297,0.0,0.07294822062734872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043449809739035,0.08199959051461088,0.19877512011479215,0.04866653205678181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768162736440338,0.0,0.0,0.10163249510926843,0.0,0.0,0.07531018685977035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050943265775127,0.060760292113892535,0.0,0.0,0.3557279843663944,0.0,0.0,0.05374587349815195
suicidewatch,thatguyinspace_,2018/02/15,"A call for help was found on r/AskRedditTeenagers Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskRedditTeenagers/comments/7xmasc/really_need_somone_to_talk_to_before_i_do/

I'm afraid that this person might actually do something that could harm themselves/others, and since that subreddit is a fairly obscure one, not many people have seen it. Please send this person support or contact information for resources available to them.",23.47,22.30237748148149,15.043703703703706,35.29666666666668,33.44444444444444,14.503703703703707,49.22222222222222,12.161744961471696,6.072733333333333,360,12,37,5,2,92,48,54,0.062,0.8009999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.4939,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,1,1,1,4,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2510170699840894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626581790394485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053753388178312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28203682911843464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724142641948816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26078845231899944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728778754725878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430410518801848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783292567980165,0.4492025050216111,0.0,0.2823587034464995,0.0,0.0,0.24635297373099174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127813609733573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802640339173186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918988762809478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elturtolo,2018/02/15,"My wife is leaving me I don’t know what to do anymore. I am nothing without her. I love her so much. I’ve never felt this sad before. It is causing me physical pain. I have no friends, she was my only friend. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t know what to do. I miss her so much",-2.600769230769231,-0.9039553076923068,0.7419230769230758,101.32057692307691,102.07692307692308,3.2153846153846155,17.26923076923077,4.935628992294339,-0.8606615384615384,215,7,55,1,10,76,39,65,0.161,0.7040000000000001,0.136,-0.1711,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,1,6,16,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,1,15,3,5,14,2,1,0,2,0,1,9,0,0,0,1,41,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429118805758515,0.17126578162250558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842351223091304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516179700341852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351781182137899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784757380972336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692221531154783,0.0,0.0,0.25935312307076885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106538122243924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601140419098317,0.0,0.1889106644680725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350238443276633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628577387818213,0.2606304445396197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687123906086545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361107151070596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NilbogResident1,2018/02/15,"Should I slice my wrists again? Just took a few mg of Xanax and I'm on my third strong drink. We will see what happens. I just want ketamine infusions, they might safe my life, but my entire savings would be gone for a 6 week trial that will probably fail. I'm ending soon.. I may alwad say that, but I mean it. Fuck. ",0.036363636363635266,2.261401348484849,1.3941666666666668,99.76125,88.54545454545455,4.512121212121213,15.825757575757574,5.985473137389443,-0.7507515151515151,243,5,57,2,8,77,52,66,0.142,0.779,0.079,-0.8047,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,2,4,5,1,0,2,0,7,5,1,0,0,14,16,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,2,10,3,3,7,1,7,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,2,4,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907530873095553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26287858590886953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743887805965543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624611376323381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096401173298888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233045230467649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148601498132638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32000288860596826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602896139494786,0.0,0.0,0.23651286535187704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297580800067563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506158233506908,0.0,0.2380767606665911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108397128858294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smitened,2018/02/15,"Been struggling since I was young. It all started when I was young. At about 4 I was always left home alone. My parents would work and my aunt would pick up my sisters to watch them at her house, but left me home alone. I wasn't forgotten, but intentionally left behind. So naturally growing up I was rather introverted and developed crippling social anxiety. At it's worse I would become physically ill or frozen in social situations. Even when speaking to my family, I felt unwanted, unsafe, and unable to speak my mind, or sometime unable to just speak. At around 6 the abuse began. My parents divorced with my mother getting custody of me and my dad getting custody of my sisters. After a few months apart we all moved back in together for financial reasons and it was a toxic home. My parents fought every night. I'd hide during the day and cry at night, which prompted my dad to begin beating me. Later he started drinking heavily, adding alcoholism to the problems. One night he got so drunk he tried to strangle me because I couldn't tell my mother goodnight (my anxiety just left me speechless again and unable to tell her). He wrapped his hand around my throat, squeezed, and lifted me off the ground. Eventually he stopped and just let me drop before I lost conciousness. I left the house and ran as far as I could before some policemen found me and took me home. I tried to get out the words to explain to them what happened, but I couldnt speak. A few days later I mentioned it to my teacher at school. CPS visited my house. They never even tried to talk to me and did absolutely nothing. To this day my family bring up how I ""made up"" the story of my dad choking me and got CPS called to the house. Of course hr denies it, either from memory loss or just to protect himself. The cycle continues for 10 years. During which I attempted suicide once. I tried to drown myself in my aunts pool. She found me floating and called the paramedics. They resuscitated me and I told them it was an accident. Following graduation from high school I started my first job, which is where I made my first friends. One of which I cried my eyes out to and told her my story, including the suicide attempt. She just said ""oh that sucks"" and walked away. This is where I lost all faith in getting help.  We remained friends for a year before I changed jobs. And went back to no friends and no social interaction. My emotions are boiling at this point in my life. Im angry, sad, suicidal, depressed, numb, complacent, and just barely making it through each day. Then my job shuts down for bankruptcy and I now live with my parents, spending day after day staring at my walls and ceiling. I lose about 20 pounds just because I dont even want to get out of bed to eat. Only doing so when it becomes truly painful from hunger. Looking back, I can't forgive my parents for watching on and doing nothing. They never even asked if I was alright. Not that I could answer truthfully if they did ask. Suicide attempt number 2 happens here. As a diabetic I attempted to overdose on insulin. But at my lowest I back out. I didnt check my blood sugar that night, I didnt want to know. All I could tell you was that I couldn't walk, and had to drag myself to my glucagon. Eventually I gain the strength to apply for jobs again and go through one job that I genuinely enjoyed but got fired from, and one I despised. This was all leading up to my most recent suicide attempt. December 2016 I attempt to slit my throat. My mother walks in as the blood runs down my neck, but Ive only made a 2 inch cut so far. I didnt do enough damage for anything more than a few stitches. At this point I finally decided I needed help. I get myself admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The first in a long time where I see my life actually getting better. I don't remember a happier time than when I was in that hospital. Sadly it didn't stay that way. Even with the meds I'm on (Prozak and Trileptal) and seeing a psychiatrist quarterly I feel like Im back to where I started. Between the hospital admittance and now I bought my first firearm. I had always been interested in them, and I hold very high respect for firearm safety, so even though I feel as though I'm becoming suicidal again I opted to let it go instead and sell it to my brother in law. Now Im unemployed again, still living with my parents, with the man who abused me physically and emotionally and the woman who watched on and just accepted it as it was, and I feel like I may be nearing my lowest. I don't have a plan or anything yet. I'm trying all that I can and using everything I've learned to keep my head above water right now. I know this post is extremely long, but I've been holding this all in for years and I finally decided to let it all out.",3.910935082992964,5.617694822079315,4.794900640190034,83.14195033457895,72.37620578778134,7.744207873468324,29.43554647895484,8.400176881101856,2.1811892876799632,3771,157,725,63,74,1223,388,933,0.185,0.728,0.087,-0.9986,15,2,2,2,3,4,105.0,2,1,8,21,52,31,4,1,31,1,51,23,8,10,11,138,111,69,7,17,24,17,7,2,3,4,8,5,5,2,36,52,8,5,18,3,4,15,17,16,0,9,43,21,137,15,117,54,17,143,1,8,8,0,75,63,1,9,63,501,173,12,0.0,0.10268109562389416,0.042285133516965966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630802050372575,0.0,0.08975639252496975,0.0,0.0,0.07211028584924215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629670718949073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131599525734614,0.07714815200075244,0.0810179001049594,0.0,0.04071121674619315,0.1665956142944637,0.0,0.05282876072889085,0.14356816940905046,0.11061532682356956,0.0,0.0,0.03832304559079586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849227800093605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583880817613522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378963817346644,0.0,0.09519487627967232,0.16767076284639665,0.0,0.037321216380466975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507840033188442,0.0424482130702016,0.0,0.04433877461899944,0.0,0.09748384198738796,0.0,0.04477285349741191,0.0,0.17171963338022322,0.0,0.03650851961902344,0.0,0.0389434109615448,0.0,0.08169785477029058,0.0,0.06572887664066301,0.061911830487598275,0.04160487801899099,0.09493472159006623,0.0,0.14743044976506006,0.0,0.09502114718119084,0.10043304859490756,0.0,0.15847184312994567,0.0,0.04925239387416287,0.0,0.10396808387124604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663551500661127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04447045203847354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058088162547448426,0.09156387151482123,0.17385945294452446,0.0,0.0,0.19999417682208093,0.0,0.0,0.14041583639232452,0.0,0.21499832524951176,0.038514882574804656,0.0,0.0,0.04762753833329555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353981178696791,0.13292768117640416,0.06121240844474245,0.042339004240138416,0.0,0.07652472747410664,0.07669373796991029,0.03638740913741054,0.0484766814883166,0.09460254426975613,0.0,0.0,0.12300347407887012,0.02892400339105274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813134617471152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375229719294301,0.0,0.0345866591548163,0.04605435288296095,0.0,0.03212963674761237,0.06683959554890116,0.0,0.0,0.16265409473763004,0.0,0.08315517148511148,0.0,0.0,0.046146458877893294,0.11744973934876722,0.06591086753938193,0.04610759680987385,0.0,0.28868592563517737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819242372811543,0.0,0.041499442198002216,0.0,0.0,0.04146223672465992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044551830443942106,0.04278446697238187,0.0,0.049085956982582175,0.03700472436179119,0.04121802350834935,0.0,0.0,0.08770725118083939,0.06905892965883867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03584412908353383,0.04870623740771176,0.0,0.13251252125548058,0.0,0.0,0.0428557994874397,0.0,0.12268057116796245,0.04618543897819118,0.034604461067729006,0.036226937317273576,0.0,0.045299320844588466,0.0,0.2843846930954981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034828086680789884,0.11362049325081085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514563563498044,0.0,0.05053370120655052,0.0,0.0,0.08280989733749734,0.04814270889183902,0.14709566470237306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037424361961016936,0.0,0.03575289039484617,0.051115889541382964,0.03439439777288802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04016858278133136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031545728831918064,0.0,0.04415833349384887,0.09234401401257646,0.0,0.0,0.08371187952960561
suicidewatch,FrenchPotatoes,2018/02/15,"I have never felt as low as I do today I had an awful day today. For context, I'm 24, estranged from my family and live by myself. 

I've been working at a shitty job for the past two years because I can't afford to not work means no food and no house.

My work recently had an issue, that I'll try to get into without giving too much away. Some very important files were moved to another location & everybody thought they had been deleted. Long story short I had the shitty luck of getting blamed for this

When I tried to tell one of my ""team leads"" my view, she ripped into me and told me she knew I was a liar and I was fake, immature and crazy. She told me I had no friends here and that I had another thing coming if I genuinely thought these people were my friends. She also told me I had no friends due to my own personality.

For an hour this girl berated me and told me I was lying and I couldn't lie to myself and that she was 100% convinced that I was lying, that she didn't care what went on my personal life but to not involve her in this mess (I never tried to) and how I should be grateful to her for all the times she had ""defended"" me at work.

I also realized that one of the co-workers who I have considered a genuine friend has been repeating stuff I had told him in confidence and has essentially been toying with me by telling me he knew I had done nothing wrong to going behind my back and telling everyone I had 100% done the thing. And when I confronted him, he told me I had to have done it and I had put myself in this position.

**I absolutely had nothing to do with this thing. No one at work believed me. I'm fairly sure it was either this team lead or a new person.**

I'm also down about Valentine's day.

I just want to end it. I'm a coward though. I'm scared of the physical pain and I think that's the only reason I'm still here.",2.5614567266495283,3.774121825192804,4.239750642673524,87.76072279348759,74.96401028277634,7.551705227077978,24.534790059982857,8.131152278815165,1.264337720651243,1446,45,318,23,30,487,188,389,0.111,0.79,0.1,-0.7339,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,1,9,14,16,2,1,15,1,41,3,0,4,4,49,68,27,0,4,8,0,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,4,23,20,1,0,9,3,0,7,13,8,0,4,42,2,62,8,43,23,5,40,0,1,1,0,36,13,0,4,20,233,85,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872690849493035,0.0,0.08523430406731905,0.0,0.0,0.1649757895589088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390905887571908,0.060489103738111526,0.0,0.04795390925534025,0.0,0.0,0.08862935855133086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020497191924432,0.0,0.0,0.06776357554615381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101465797990508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415071142022152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967450265950316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516849245707763,0.0,0.0,0.07415906525075769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553145360879572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951229335932092,0.0,0.24310784414185102,0.0,0.08219921205397522,0.0754633526751903,0.04470755690390903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746991484061827,0.0907697102354865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210660192214855,0.0780636156276663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556394356710158,0.0,0.0,0.06946329587239589,0.0696167106765129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856900601963075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360923968277591,0.05782837548190204,0.0,0.12134374743577088,0.07597586870250657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096381185139393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991783826893866,0.059828845449251024,0.08370590121351602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509535677831038,0.05453692406629089,0.2060636881459577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908080341487482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088148973366842,0.07767293490985427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875813615205726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282256721438982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005345976228317,0.0,0.0,0.07414153562796458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627199077629307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678608060404034,0.050405834328858035,0.07728869707320582,0.12490363222407272,0.04587062972064307,0.0,0.14913186012653626,0.4510109547424657,0.0,0.1602266354841972,0.0,0.07684500429210853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490747986344353,0.04639909577195448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292393563789089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583097296678154,0.0,0.3436176045610896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600864524820671,0.0,0.050658161945252016
suicidewatch,saltyaltaccount,2018/02/15,"It's my birthday today. All I want is to find someone who wont scold me or ignore me when I can't get the visions of hanging myself out of my head. 

I have family and friends and a good LTR but fuck, I feel alone. Now more than ever. 

I don't want anyone to calm me down, or try to help. I don't want to worry anyone. I just want to be able to say, ""fuck, I feel like actually killing myself today"" and have it not be the most awkward thing in the world. ",0.37505555555555503,1.8218267500000032,2.785333333333334,94.88322222222223,81.5,5.2444444444444445,19.11111111111111,5.82211442006289,-0.3394222222222223,345,8,84,2,9,119,65,100,0.168,0.617,0.215,0.0556,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,1,4,0,9,3,1,0,2,20,18,7,1,4,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,3,15,4,12,15,3,10,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,3,6,58,19,0,0.1842478833759682,0.0,0.17979935609824158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082524092321385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576608080662917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666627589039573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736925068051657,0.0,0.18632253172871815,0.13162672469825953,0.0,0.0,0.16839922747378927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234945764963708,0.34066839850048736,0.0962619145129966,0.0,0.0,0.15453838299414413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909148385938426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349747244821532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384298436049916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001420909742723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465213120291114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561126336774772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240610674810835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34929089980177125,0.0,0.0,0.12509221846357876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346967012527924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871126691733868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DanceOnRainyKnolls,2018/02/15,I'm at the end of my rope. Might as well use what I have left to string myself up like a puppet. That's all I'll ever be anyway. I have no control.,-1.9830000000000003,-0.3666842285714261,1.3082142857142856,101.26803571428572,91.28571428571428,3.5,11.607142857142858,3.1291,-1.844285714285714,112,1,30,0,4,40,31,35,0.067,0.7929999999999999,0.14,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,2,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425149145902048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357355364645943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428823779188381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411850887739975,0.0,0.0,0.18519005844368336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021238205592159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273869994423671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34082136415241915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,47throw47away47,2018/02/15,"Everything I’m doing is wrong and I don’t know what to do anymore I don't know exactly what i'm expecting from posting this but here it goes.

Bit of a backstory:

I am 20 years old, and have suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. The last 2 years have been the hardest years of my life due to the deaths of two close family members (one who committed suicide, and the other passed from cancer 6 months later) as well as seeing the effect it has had on everyone in my family despite their best efforts to cope. I was also unable to cope and started abusing drugs & alcohol (I had experimented with some drugs before but nothing close to what I'm about to list) 

Including: Weed (~2-3g/day), MDMA, Painkillers + Drinking, Xanax, Acid, and Valium (once I was prescribed). (Also meth only once)

And this went on until about 4 months ago when I was admitted to a mental health ward in hospital after seeing doctors and a psychologist weekly as well as a psychiatrist occasionally. By this time I had already stopped everything except for weed which started to peek at ~5g/day. I had stopped seeing my friends for months, worked a shitty job apprenticeship that I never wanted to do (which had random drug tests, but I was never tested) just so I could come home every day to smoke to feel OK and just repeat the next day. Once I was out of hospital, I had quit my job, quit smoking weed and hoped to better myself but ended up drinking daily and taking MDMA with friends on the weekends. 

Now:

I have stopped taking drugs (4 Months off weed, ~1 Month off MDMA) and slowed up my drinking to weekends only. I am still trying to improve (Exercising, Drawing, Piano, etc) but I still feel no different to anytime before. It feels like nothing is worth it and the concept of living seems so pointless. I am still seeing my psychologist but today she seemed mad at me because I still have not improved, but I don't know what the fuck to do or why I feel like shit, I just want it to stop. She was also looking at the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and nodding at each one of them. I don't know if I'm just overthinking it but I have been researching BPD since and have been reflecting on my life and can see the symptoms in myself. After reflection and reading peoples experiences with others who have BPD, I am just feeling worse and worse. I'm a bigger piece of shit the more I think about it all. This isn't who I wanted to be, I barely know who I am anymore but it's becoming more apparent and I don't like it at all. 

Nothing seems to be working and I am running out of ideas, so if there's any advice you can give, please comment or pm me. I'm afraid that I might follow through with the plans I have made very soon.

P.S.: Sorry for any grammar mistakes, it has been hard enough to even just type this all out.",5.778752772204032,6.134236177737884,6.41240310486852,78.26759399091775,66.93536804308798,9.13821945295174,31.46314288731651,9.007467420416297,2.5756733974020487,2249,84,425,36,34,737,262,557,0.158,0.76,0.081,-0.9942,6,0,10,0,0,1,76.0,0,1,2,9,27,20,4,1,19,1,51,20,2,2,7,94,92,47,2,9,21,0,6,3,2,1,14,0,1,1,29,31,4,4,20,7,1,5,10,9,2,3,18,13,50,11,74,70,12,71,0,2,6,1,15,22,3,11,46,298,79,10,0.0,0.07088907318981702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846543647317212,0.05303591449600548,0.06394035113899313,0.0,0.0,0.06602417838563884,0.14353870909582078,0.0,0.12965212087742425,0.0,0.08137325533428956,0.0,0.045769984237546836,0.0,0.11867107976605328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036471970454571255,0.06607782024612467,0.10182228710444773,0.0,0.06278816540188926,0.052915001875193116,0.0653191467343546,0.0,0.226062349593026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153847024349116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776959323829269,0.0,0.0,0.15434226922999775,0.0,0.0515317142547565,0.0,0.0,0.0625098862493561,0.06857066006255044,0.0612388051312458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758326280895413,0.2775364215421008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052991850756179085,0.06182065100124255,0.06672655400314381,0.03951732168047523,0.0,0.05040957351691085,0.05717037627550444,0.10754315750684912,0.11705094731237325,0.11280528652470817,0.0,0.15125988279709998,0.08548549771667213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924494191037063,0.05531211019060789,0.0,0.057394636055994326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359616004559396,0.0,0.0,0.06359676734060858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001462786134286,0.059424946895655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754107964787698,0.0,0.0,0.1187445998443678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440572776543966,0.04876964637962458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451976239635207,0.08769012695452923,0.0,0.05283121468252418,0.05294789631056949,0.05024234877621353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056612837534167675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029482866727971,0.06347044971459469,0.0,0.0,0.2387797088957515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228956804666644,0.0,0.0636301590185428,0.0,0.0,0.17222624091716796,0.0,0.06278179210268862,0.19115181899663852,0.08108506359647989,0.09100721578035656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04147876813624846,0.052241474244232464,0.0,0.06567565749895146,0.0,0.0,0.05730084934205128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272736898223688,0.05984644974148976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777602003539104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383848501640177,0.16340166169730605,0.0,0.0,0.12282980179730925,0.04949220836783885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697507637774874,0.08469633028020103,0.0,0.19112208793016244,0.2000831015932025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654445923092234,0.0,0.0,0.12437309502964737,0.08996981733575171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038336814014290094,0.0,0.0,0.034887505062323236,0.0,0.05671208959637185,0.0,0.0,0.040620818379989335,0.0,0.05844546919417357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936622946118962,0.10586831040840064,0.0,0.04799222472283123,0.0,0.10758917601555112,0.055463249343327005,0.05398750258697781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711428199726297,0.0,0.12194429036681845,0.0,0.06541499571238737,0.0,0.11558617521121267
suicidewatch,NietzscheCP,2018/02/15,"The end. its over for me

its over for me

i remember a simple boy

happy as a child

where did the good times go


im not brave

im not clever

another xanax, that'll save you

take a couple more, hope someone rapes you


face down in a gutter like the piece of shit i am

parents went separate ways

friends got distant

I been alone for the longest

my desire to live fades away

i cant continue on this path


it is no fun

nothing can save me

nothing can stop me


i hope that bullet courses through my drugged out brain

blood on the floor

each drop a reminder

of all those sins

of all those mistakes


this fucked up world

i know you can relate

but its over for me

its over for me


no family

no friends

the last good one is dead

6 feet under


I have
 
no job. 

No money. 

No friends. 


confused about reality

confused about my sexuality

i hope i burn in hell like the faggot i am

fucking loser



i deserve it

i deserve it

this world is worthless

nas said ""the world is yours""

yeah its mine, but i look in the mirror

and see no one there


no soul 

no heart

not a feeling in sight

just grief and sadness all fucking night


i cant sleep

i cant sleep

these meds dont work

THESE FUCKING MEDS DONT WORK

I JUST WANT IT TO END

I CANT DO THIS


skin and bones, a slight resemblance of who i was

but something good happened


i made a friend, his name is colt

he's 45 and can stop me from being alive

load the chamber

say a prayer

oh wait, god doesnt love a faggot like me

a sinner like me

a liar like me

a thief like me

so the only hope i have

is its like sopranos
and just fades to black

Goodbye, cruel world.


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suicidewatch,YoniMaven,2018/02/15,"Meds don't help I have tried, many times. They don't help, they just create a fog where happiness isn't even possible. My kids and husband love me and are why I am still earthbound, but I feel like I am running out of hope. I live two lives. One, promising career and great family, the other just does not want to wake up.  I have enough pills to go to sleep, but am afraid of my kids finding me. I just want to feel peace again.",2.391187800963081,3.67380128089888,3.0247512038523285,96.02213483146069,75.51685393258427,6.434028892455858,20.579454253611555,6.868970318607317,0.05734542536115495,330,7,78,3,7,103,61,89,0.06,0.664,0.277,0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,9,4,2,0,0,16,16,5,0,3,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,2,13,6,8,16,1,8,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,4,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591643739241486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771032512747828,0.0,0.1327736864863115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950643806447892,0.0,0.2032863706588817,0.14361075333918258,0.0,0.0,0.18373122916099596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424590958336335,0.0,0.0,0.22162838502729568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399254563680686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694827375585022,0.0,0.0,0.1996610330119549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820960302207657,0.0,0.3550136920546547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143095685211608,0.0,0.0,0.20380560269402356,0.0,0.0,0.2232910520958963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362182753645588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662304198811165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116801107569066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053709553389622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721803154800252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648130933597327,0.0,0.19637009982806244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371369525606549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813918412948506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imgonnamissuman,2018/02/15,"How many melatonin pills to put me to sleep forever? I see no point to continue my life. 


I have a case brought on by an emotionally abusive ex saying I was physically abusive when I'd never think to be. 


I got depression and anxiety from being treated like shit for 5 years by my mom and said ex. 


I dropped out of college bc I'm a fucking disappointment and can't do anything right. 


I have no money and any time i do I end up getting it stolen or spending it on things that make my pain go away but it doesn't last.


I'm supposed to start a full time job on Monday but I'll suck at it anyway. 


I live with my parents. 


My family hates me.


I'm nice and I'm funny but I'm just a second option to everyone i know. 


I have court tomorrow for this false accusation and I'm reslly scared and don't think I can get through it.


I don't see a future for myself. I wanna take pictures or make music but I'd never succeed.  So i just wanna end it.


So is it possible to overdose on melatonin?",0.3308945288121521,2.4369889377990432,3.0285541918036216,89.53422716871229,85.45933014354067,5.931433326399003,22.96255460786353,7.255503002510835,0.9421381734969828,764,29,167,12,23,267,122,209,0.189,0.765,0.045,-0.9764,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,12,4,1,6,0,14,6,2,3,2,28,38,17,0,2,8,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,10,9,0,0,3,0,2,3,8,8,0,1,4,4,23,4,26,32,1,29,0,2,2,1,6,11,3,3,15,105,33,3,0.0,0.34414553893834016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876078763648218,0.0,0.1110998859475324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195111985981393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644754706623835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250856357448274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336322248358814,0.25725980348188576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877265613247866,0.0,0.0,0.1369090974789192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426198929412708,0.1517524512712633,0.0,0.08253706064801121,0.0,0.11615300115649327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338369771398138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441175010146969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981413106486307,0.1183811233658442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257962853791164,0.07095161647722252,0.0,0.12823998136497125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388314226269093,0.1472395418908781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009060029089482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240193142937649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453403235398733,0.0,0.16125976071508516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728846882636164,0.16372402153410126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459953869001568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402488239315088,0.13814615853157272,0.1154920322143462,0.14539969325718852,0.0,0.2314576253938555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907561361409022,0.0,0.0,0.14533401144203364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279392478559883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919423079593876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648377992258528,0.1861139231542665,0.0,0.0,0.16936854569586865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352279736015848
suicidewatch,throwaway4328732,2018/02/15,I need help My abusive ex who I was stupidly on and off with for the past 4 years succeeded in getting me fired today. I feel so defeated right now. Work was one of the last things I have left and I feel like this just pushed me to the edge. I'm so close to just ending things tonight and I don't know what to do.,-0.5301086956521743,1.4760880724637708,1.1128804347826105,102.44584239130435,88.56521739130434,4.6094202898550725,17.320652173913047,5.985473137389443,-0.6824652173913042,243,6,62,2,8,78,50,69,0.195,0.6990000000000001,0.106,-0.8312,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,11,5,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,3,9,2,9,9,0,14,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,8,40,14,2,0.0,0.3275150729923482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448279979897197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27953471149188325,0.19747605494498746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441917599222587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527995519646412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191439669489934,0.22532096379739655,0.0,0.0,0.30033349873375825,0.0,0.0,0.13504591064088206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496353804318354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873108176437908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26387624104339125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360630245864557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672852168464095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620158979081197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123863342529924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800681594393022
suicidewatch,slowelevator,2018/02/15,"My bestfriend attempted suicide last week and I didn't know God, I feel like to worst person in the world. I am visiting my home state in a few weeks and checked in to see when was a good day to drop by my best friends' house. She called me crying and told me she was in the hospital for a suicide attempt and that she relapsed. I was shocked. I knew she struggled with a drug addiction but last she told me she was doing well and attending meetings. 

She's going to a treatment center next week so I will be able to visit her when I am in town. I feel so guilty that she didn't think she could talk to me. I haven't always been the most understanding about her addiction so that is on me. What can I do to help her? How should I be at the treatment center? 

I hate that I couldn't be there for her when she needed me. I just feel like such a fucking trash friend right now. I know this isn't articulated well but I just needed to tell someone. ",1.3748704247929453,3.3428095380710694,2.649623296820732,94.53338765695969,80.5228426395939,5.771733903286134,21.53593374298691,6.8360192770164,0.30418375634517725,737,22,168,8,19,237,104,197,0.132,0.743,0.125,-0.1466,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,15,13,2,1,10,0,22,4,0,1,0,25,38,14,2,5,4,0,3,2,2,2,3,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,8,0,1,4,5,5,2,0,10,4,39,8,20,21,4,29,0,0,1,1,26,12,1,1,13,122,45,0,0.13242636617076575,0.0,0.0,0.2887285719838626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018934510908827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897330123868612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352221260157021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573167775586892,0.0,0.14546414497548432,0.08540405082021027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535725421693751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008762491091089,0.18921084490486836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046245640114583,0.12242604163483738,0.0,0.0,0.07526095566165218,0.11107295301765106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074362027836173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876260181626891,0.0,0.13283444265519326,0.0,0.0,0.15280224665679853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555613519756944,0.21589032628164126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939366679381412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638494509445972,0.0,0.0,0.14083694276697836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562959501725345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309139314446218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055266685386742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220443031668872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384407907683848,0.0,0.2897059018436949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643929690646564,0.11574648096161085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485346829992123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530781357668287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378605174504063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31867332932075404,0.0,0.23813441390949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vitortle,2018/02/15,"My mother is having suicidal thoughts and this is making me so sad that I have them too My mother and father split up almost 10 years ago and currently she lives with my brother but he does not give a shit about her. Last week we had one of our worst fights and we did not talk until then. Today she came to tell me that she should have died in 2011 and that life does not pay any more.

I'm 20 and I'm having to deal with the fact that my mother wants to kill herself constantly, alone. On the other hand I have to deal with my father who is also a difficult person to deal with, and I am also going through several phases of life, all at the same time, and so I do not have the energy to dedicate my mother. Since I'm not living with my mother, it's hard to follow her to know how determined she is to commit.

I have had strong suicidal thoughts and today I can deal fairly well with them, but my fear is that if anything happens to my mother, I do not know if I could handle my suicidal thoughts well. And the more time passes, the more my mother loses her reason to live and falls to suicide. Please, help me, I do not know what else to do. It's like I'm in a loop and can not do what it takes to get my mother out of it and it makes me sadder. We had a talk today, and tomorrow morning I'll schedule a session with a psychologist as soon as possible for her. What else can I do to get these thoughts out of her head?",4.2518333333333365,4.081410383333335,5.384666666666668,86.14233333333334,70.16666666666666,8.4,25.0,7.984000788550335,1.1495999999999995,1105,25,246,13,18,368,141,300,0.189,0.711,0.1,-0.9894,1,1,0,0,1,1,23.0,4,0,2,2,10,12,3,1,12,0,28,5,3,4,3,58,50,27,6,5,12,11,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,27,0,0,8,0,1,5,8,8,2,1,9,2,42,4,39,39,6,28,0,2,0,0,40,7,1,3,17,181,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369093537121321,0.0,0.09454042513992524,0.09778281901495964,0.0,0.15100319522928168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420369968014959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769339721603462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079826845430938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202631167758903,0.0,0.07538065438121569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893403378410208,0.0,0.0,0.09798521140441004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652419325221781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773896498284615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624024808506308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865321085741972,0.09056901954954136,0.0536567678442622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348861271273803,0.0,0.08457500561923638,0.0,0.0968944058660064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328267130063804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445338127576377,0.0,0.1556598309032004,0.0769587431841398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337260306572365,0.046125151339335854,0.0,0.25010375415950464,0.0,0.0,0.10562337542920322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604207942018514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397631568637155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243730472490024,0.0,0.10363651234147493,0.0,0.10643584524348984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707171713420258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665918865087873,0.09691301735404012,0.07809894957507306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130875613172757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098640835705178,0.1517702929336241,0.08252063773503153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998117392796381,0.11010531105874212,0.0,0.26847587358188496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568690580365325,0.0,0.0757319679648726,0.0,0.16977625184982426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079851871028458
suicidewatch,Beefreckles,2018/02/15,"What gets you guys through the day I generally have a really shitty day. Lost my job and best friend of 4+ years recently. Sometimes, all that keeps me alive is the thought of how sad my mum would be if I killed myself. Need a little help staying okay at the moment, so feel free to comment below",4.360500000000002,5.060132050000004,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,70.16666666666666,8.0,26.666666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.443166666666667,233,7,49,3,4,75,53,60,0.183,0.5870000000000001,0.23,0.3746,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,2,7,1,0,5,1,4,0,0,1,1,10,10,4,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,5,6,6,2,9,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614288359281258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32131468980689165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595907151980826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246416791934284,0.0,0.13015131623941276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466611406716793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697526402516874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472063191476057,0.2214231748705526,0.2756067428630566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24967677680083064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27193638280419513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847142117667482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958823475478054,0.0,0.2459691391702793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246379231864316,0.0,0.0,0.2655214256847083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776798014039385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696280325960193,0.0,0.0,0.1604206729162929
suicidewatch,anxiety-throwaway09,2018/02/15,"I can't do it anymore I've struggled with anxiety problems for a long, long time. I worry about just about everything, and I'm a pretty textbook case of severe anxiety problems. 
I'm not sure if this is the exact right place for this, since I don't really want to die in a real, suicidal sense, I just don't want to be in this pain anymore and I'm afraid of what I would do to stop it. Like I'd rather not die but I feel like there's no way out of this, if that makes sense. 

Lately, over the past few months, life has gotten more and more difficult and unpleasant and bad things keep on happening to me like a snowball rolling down a snow-covered mountain. My chronic health issues have been absolute crap to deal with, I've been busy with work and while I never liked it, it never gets easier, I haven't had time to hang out with any of my friends in months, my family is losing patience with me, I have no time to see my therapist, and it seems like every day I just get more bad news. 

It's hard to get out of bed lately and lately I don't want to because I feel like nothing good could possibly happen. Nothing good has happened to me in months and I can't stand it anymore. Every day has been miserable and I just desperately wish something good would happen to me, but life keeps on throwing curveballs my way.

I've been terrified about getting sick and losing my job because of it because I have yet to find something else, and if I lose my job, my parents will be angry, but I can't keep on like this. And it seems like every day, there's more news stories about the flu getting worse, it's only been a few months, but it feels like it's been forever. When the hell is this damn winter going to end? 

Every single time I manage to calm down a bit or talk myself down from the brink, something else bad happens. This has been an unbreaking cycle for months now and I'm terrified of everything now and tired of dealing with it. I'm sick of feeling like shit all the time. My anxiety is now so bad that I get multiple panic attacks every day, sometimes upwards of 5 or 10, and I always have some physical remnant of them hanging onto me now so I'm never comfortable. 
The last few days I've been panicking every waking second and my mind is in full alarm mode and I can't seem to turn it off. And unlike before, nothing seems to help and I feel like I'm too far gone to even guess what to try next. I desperately wish I had some kind of medication I could take to immediately stop this, but I have no way to obtain such medication because I don't have my own car and it would be too far to walk to the ER. 

I've tried telling my family how bad I feel, but it's hard to explain properly and they just get more and more mad at me and they don't want to listen to me anymore. I don't feel safe doing anything right now and I have no idea what to do. If I were feeling more stable, I could probably figure this out, but my mind is being really weird right now and I can't think straight. I don't feel like myself at all and it scares me. ",5.143238095238092,4.758597117460315,5.994365079365082,83.25535714285719,68.30158730158729,9.095238095238095,29.08730158730159,8.59863814320734,1.9151111111111103,2384,73,511,33,36,788,244,630,0.28600000000000003,0.636,0.078,-0.9993,3,0,3,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,3,5,27,46,6,6,16,0,56,14,3,2,7,113,108,45,3,19,21,1,11,12,1,4,11,1,1,0,32,37,0,6,18,0,0,7,22,25,1,1,13,13,60,21,72,84,18,79,1,4,1,0,12,29,4,13,51,327,92,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124129008639412,0.0,0.0,0.03370527813618907,0.0,0.11374917048688635,0.0,0.19661702036154025,0.0,0.0,0.04078701968200602,0.0,0.0,0.05638630318107026,0.0,0.0,0.206919707775626,0.1208552272656282,0.0,0.04217538665768645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411114497645629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871866892395075,0.0,0.0,0.1598236758255737,0.10219679272335393,0.0,0.0,0.10287939231140676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280886793359056,0.0,0.04389906883658365,0.0,0.0,0.03273661138333273,0.0,0.2505592810513782,0.0,0.08909000925479532,0.0,0.09344921846688428,0.0,0.22554982025096665,0.2124515578476688,0.0,0.0,0.045300676716886035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03829308993008272,0.0,0.181266324937646,0.0,0.028168412304734183,0.12471601146966675,0.0,0.0,0.054600428684102496,0.0,0.2191467880127036,0.0,0.08879937143707835,0.0,0.0,0.05268430574570997,0.0,0.0,0.03322176211051745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595182018460828,0.0,0.05173202867816599,0.09836941507336673,0.13216451102954144,0.0,0.05161336848982193,0.0,0.0404013453579056,0.16773134375844256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001715951686235,0.2905741063604401,0.0,0.0,0.08772531291970218,0.0,0.16634860284967856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03308441230711859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986120456999416,0.0,0.0,0.10009119554747978,0.0,0.1978079030646373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468063606289786,0.0,0.052711967802182534,0.0,0.0,0.14267423193569434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03769572088121345,0.05273968208080517,0.05815277579602603,0.055035052039919576,0.0,0.04731452842411095,0.0,0.0,0.051783920740068136,0.0,0.0,0.05587605987605359,0.0,0.050424494119326,0.05343846774833489,0.09485227313991654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056414780879673415,0.06350404536400761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269823760090718,0.0,0.0,0.04962229665673287,0.0,0.03949615949478286,0.1804851297574472,0.0,0.05599330937574643,0.05087682207113006,0.04099992415835669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447056476102373,0.04902014844985991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287559053457824,0.0,0.05181514425207198,0.0,0.054215065557599,0.0,0.04671356453145934,0.0,0.0372660243799513,0.03983773490953732,0.043321195829698886,0.0,0.0,0.057547724050965886,0.03292817641239934,0.03175866502817674,0.0,0.0,0.14450608578612487,0.056966625738238186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730152190631249,0.05391149293241854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693672844440176,0.11802499345494498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139925057812556,0.0,0.0,0.03608324494687973,0.05033473527766956,0.05051003805917361,0.10562671399186346,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flowersforrecovery,2018/02/15,I've had a belt around my neck for about half an hour now Why haven't I passed out yet? My face is cold. When will I fall asleep.,-2.1370000000000005,-0.3422663666666637,-0.8649999999999984,114.6225,96.0,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.891,99,0,30,0,4,30,27,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,4,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545947451108405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135213879127356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621531599742835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TinyMockingbird,2018/02/15,"Signed up for an online suicide prevention based therapy, because my regular therapist isn't helping much, and got declined because I'm already seeing someone. I told them how much I am struggling. My therapist just doesn't seem to think it is serious enough and I have trouble telling her. Feel like all hope is lost now. Fml.",4.2940000000000005,7.1118124000000025,4.633333333333336,79.65500000000002,75.0,8.0,36.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.8471666666666655,264,16,43,6,6,83,49,60,0.232,0.688,0.081,-0.8437,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,11,15,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,7,2,3,12,4,2,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,2,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781437410841074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516907994849319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331023360202767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438350425464207,0.14748252559781702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511088397952767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837402080286249,0.0,0.0,0.2050439310942468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085735193830364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253563179605509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035179046708042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450790230160775,0.18793745058271488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749180156633161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581846937521926,0.0,0.22581453037738675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043979825639253,0.0,0.2360849301213045,0.4793911857230931,0.0,0.1322799844469665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726460528858814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotQute,2018/02/15,I can't escape this house I don't know who I was kidding.  I couldn't even get someone to give me somewhere safe and to live. No one is going to give me a job or let me go back to school.  I don't know if I'm just naturally worthless or I did something somewhere to curse myself with such bad luck . I can't do this. I can't live in a house where someone depicts me lol this I'm  not strong enough.  I prayed to everything for someone to come save me. Or to give me the means to save myself. Hopefully i it will be painless.  I'm scared of pain. I'm think I'm scared of dying still.  But not more than im afraid of going back to being his control. I hope someone saves the dog. He is going to put her down if he can't find someone to take her and she doesn't deserve that she is my best friend,-0.07043174603174762,1.7522109885714308,1.9570952380952384,98.34751587301592,84.82857142857142,4.574603174603173,19.436507936507933,5.46131890053228,-0.4606444444444446,613,17,150,3,18,204,95,175,0.13699999999999998,0.691,0.171,0.7415,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,16,0,3,4,1,18,1,0,1,0,27,39,8,1,5,9,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,5,0,0,6,11,6,0,1,2,0,25,10,20,32,3,12,1,1,0,0,13,3,0,8,3,95,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318490975814106,0.09945645394688367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500435194841944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026074425325805,0.0,0.0,0.13359814425578007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362306681050805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307813687461565,0.0,0.07867465398593082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107053316692591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088693947060164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920283277039251,0.0,0.0622329242448776,0.3427992794297704,0.2707842990171312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661710542786704,0.0,0.2748865522995649,0.0,0.0,0.128665163381178,0.0,0.11820373836303355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309255100822466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180365303423915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103623098959997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975168232109374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071573490558906,0.0,0.12674727357847046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197439616552616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385107593294358,0.12055122940015026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046308165835963,0.0917009192826113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512577964262324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956002010081753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632439267733758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ionmatt87,2018/02/15,my anger has taken control. I can't seem to control my asshole irate anger. IT's like i'm in third person watching it happening with no control. Over stupid things. Never anything bad enough to be fired. I tell everyone it's okay to hate me because i know the asshole but this asshole is tired and drained and has become so numb to all feelings. I just want this to stop and the trigger seems to be my only hope. I made it to 30. At 14 I would of said there was no way I'd see 21. I don't know what to do and i'm done. I cleaned off my desk and have all person belongs in the car. Closed the ebay store and I don't know what's going to happen for here on.,0.13456876456876188,2.0657331328671376,1.908419580419583,98.36006526806528,84.8041958041958,4.372773892773893,20.72214452214452,5.2151,-0.3261315617715619,510,16,121,2,15,167,88,143,0.215,0.716,0.069,-0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,4,0,4,1,13,2,0,5,3,28,31,8,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,2,9,8,0,4,6,0,1,2,6,6,0,1,5,5,14,3,18,23,3,12,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,3,3,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291158503607172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100547298692486,0.095645168245913,0.17328441967882935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279321969718876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605638200593864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212029381441384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499252765726955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933367327661034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917024426870716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774934193150973,0.0,0.0,0.15490688969203395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583772889153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586854501700724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665372285929606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846317057583988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101143910171845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932999994812912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739991577766747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924842978813674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502948876652498,0.2856728830370752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311759529066478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371380670076855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423780730883617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033419410681464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254405720994703,0.12454041761784845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145770643206554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JayRad18,2018/02/15,"Distance So I want to run away and kill myself. I'm thinking that if I leave no way to identify myself and I get far enough away my parents won't have to pay for my funeral. 
My question to all of you is how far do you think I have to get?
Also, do you think my plan can work?",0.7991935483870947,1.8235856935483843,3.1395483870967773,94.6393225806452,79.16129032258064,6.250322580645161,22.07741935483871,6.742157984588678,0.2823122580645161,211,6,53,2,5,73,41,62,0.172,0.7829999999999999,0.045,-0.8431,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,14,6,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,13,0,9,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,0,39,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976764756272222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644832809054194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554116967029755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582914752498209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27347734260308604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617368263377389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27447346744388257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769075817596104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751650405644921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457981238229676,0.19620664769017165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799561005232313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thefamilyjules42,2018/02/15,I just want to go home But it doesn't exist anymore. My happy home where we loved each other and communicated and trusted each other. My home where we laughed and talked and touched. My home where addiction didn't exist and he didn't hide from me. Where we didn't blame each other. Where we worked on our problems. I just want to be there again and I can never be there again. It's not real. It may never have been real.,0.6071141649048641,3.045365779069769,1.8660676532769536,95.60884778012684,88.88372093023256,4.057505285412264,15.957716701902747,5.565023196281405,-0.7617534883720927,331,7,71,2,11,105,47,86,0.029,0.754,0.217,0.9343,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,5,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,2,25,14,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,6,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,1,12,4,4,7,3,11,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,4,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939708146807765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764595231621301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011221631654826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941062480921705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7139163230699541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058947658587322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744623745306524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702557271830958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050483651931279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301402173769026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989636912913884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953572759389076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gautarinn1,2018/02/16,"Need someone to talk to Hello, I feel really bad and I need someone to talk to, my past has really hurt me and I have not spoken to anyone about it and it really is killing me quite literally.
My thoughts and my anxiety are not helping me.
Everyday for the past couple of months I have suicide on my mind.
I want to live but Im afraid I will hurt my self or worse.

Please I need help :(
",-0.42003367003366776,1.81321474074074,2.1410774410774422,92.8275757575758,92.95061728395059,5.908417508417509,18.47474747474748,7.348242739294969,0.5258296296296288,298,9,67,6,11,102,49,81,0.273,0.647,0.08,-0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,15,12,6,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,15,0,10,10,0,5,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274961550278644,0.0,0.0,0.11219567623965657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339753835251143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775432689884047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113217762093647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510267765132507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435463328823485,0.0,0.1733217295231643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752254717102184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168698977844765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620164223977849,0.0,0.12807571575598914,0.0,0.0,0.35693180468897845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30634984748789035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613424693460347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066639577844453,0.0,0.0,0.3083797185572397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739225861251333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719103869377291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551455777220415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25793946215430524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273854014552734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464204261840442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351999028009048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CoAoW,2018/02/16,"How do you stop wanting to not be here? Nothing ever feels like it changes except perhaps the difficulty that ratchets up by one each day.

It's a weird limbo being caught between not wanting to live and being too cowardly to die.

I just know, I don't want to be here.",3.7238888888888866,4.982518981481481,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,72.14814814814815,6.881481481481483,30.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.7777555555555549,211,9,41,2,4,70,43,54,0.278,0.722,0.0,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,14,12,2,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,3,1,8,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229968263343185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691147604427964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168825408678293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761869020916956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543831482403669,0.21812657828278387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780043308128156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916797080731786,0.0,0.26961045775076964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929707114086835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068983388359292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552681068043905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402715762269071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whimsyfull,2018/02/16,"I know where to find help - I just won't. I've reached out over a dozen times to friends, doctors, and online. There always seems to be an endless supply of people or places willing to help. But these people never last long and these resources are so repetitive that it has exhausted my attempts.

I had two failed suicide attempts in the past year and years worth of novel length material on depression, happiness, success and anxiety. 

What the fuck do I do now. I just don't care no more.",4.81253456221198,6.439963494623657,4.944116743471586,83.27903225806456,69.96774193548387,7.894930875576037,30.4900153609831,8.418075326091056,2.2945434715821813,387,16,72,6,7,121,72,93,0.225,0.584,0.191,-0.593,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,4,6,8,1,0,4,0,9,3,0,0,1,13,13,7,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,6,4,10,9,1,15,0,2,0,1,3,6,1,2,9,51,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345409546220265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866390565969933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479046791985396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898960713300145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256670222511475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015115107580917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033958348198533,0.2038269553821372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347013153896493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955614775812332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116810883669442,0.17971775986066568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195114749042878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004505526602345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046975000254844,0.30570126480724,0.0,0.23035099820967345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007135091716874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411654870994109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856160998427624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153734869394244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839592522792378
suicidewatch,RiteAnswer,2018/02/16,"the thought and story Oh my, what a beautiful day. I wake up to the down pouring rain, almost as if its prepared to save me some tears. I keep asking myself is it me going crazy, or just a down ward spiral im complicate to. Well first thing is first, I find the empty cig butts from the night before and crinkle the filters to get that very used tobacco to fill an additional empty filter. The factor of what I am doing should be disgusting enough, but I am not disgusted in the least. Routine clearly makes the impossible acceptable. The flame of my lighter is shot. This will not work either? I dig through my beautifully white vanity that my grandmother bought me when I was young, almost ironically because vanity is what I feel she liked most about me as a child. I dig through the 5 or 6 lighters that are all broken, and continuosly try to light one off the other for a simple, small, ignition. The flame, if I'm blessed enough to catch one, will only last a second, I quiackly engage and ignore the other thoughts till I can smoke. when the nictoine catches my breathe, my lungs, it seeps into my heart and soul. I promised myself I wouldnt start today this way, sitting inside a room within ear shot of others disgust, but I couldnt change anything other than giving up my life completely. 

I didnt want to start this way, I mean, where would you? It could always start wonderful, where we talk about the best parts of our oh so short lives as it is, but then...how do you fully enjoy when good things happen? I am writing my story here without a reason. Maybe because the solitude of my thoughts on an empty slate gives me the opportunity to reprieve some sort of pride with a confession of sorts. I am not the woman that dives 7 stories to another oportunity, 7 stories because of course 7 is the lucky number. I am also not the woman who holds 3 different types of sharpness and decides which one would be the least painful. I am much more the woman who seeks to end things the way they started, that they either belong or dont. Most would say that is cowardess, but it is actually quite the opposite. When you came into this world you were not promised even life. Maybe a few moments, but not much else. If your really going to quit, do you want to do it unless your sure it is meant to be? ",5.6344918504314485,6.167800744966443,5.920635186960691,81.04869966442956,67.27740492170022,8.622850751038671,29.387104506232014,8.527137837955566,2.064295685522531,1811,60,349,25,28,579,243,447,0.065,0.763,0.172,0.9955,1,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,2,7,2,8,14,20,3,0,35,0,37,9,6,4,3,75,63,28,0,12,22,0,2,1,0,7,3,2,1,4,31,12,0,3,12,0,1,6,11,5,1,6,9,6,49,15,47,42,17,44,3,0,1,1,25,16,1,16,19,257,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.09523517746947292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954474802495513,0.0,0.0,0.0780438473105895,0.08120390429264689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233314448606004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030944802409569,0.0,0.09123483187778116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178472526336813,0.0,0.08304313600475903,0.0,0.10241620586679273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161862014737783,0.0,0.0,0.10323881394135408,0.0,0.1023227785757446,0.0,0.0,0.07791883174084148,0.0,0.0,0.06293841171433466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196229397445042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437645258326835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152513381825761,0.0,0.0864370580278794,0.20167611138935726,0.0,0.06445823232175603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049345169417766115,0.06971935138363268,0.0,0.0,0.08919681728685183,0.16602247504014908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050987504689323636,0.1872372229491352,0.11092694006796264,0.0818550780696407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629979693916259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156463381410452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541551278285603,0.0,0.0,0.08674376482116912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955005711181397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786345452190485,0.04767825293814591,0.0,0.08617503831311675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514305068870906,0.0,0.1960874574259267,0.10630569896992972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348188954041713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158296480404564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839147663094134,0.07422269536835495,0.10384418351469607,0.0,0.0,0.10568203013859387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076010396997812,0.0,0.0,0.06251958184542883,0.100340264438714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760863807837022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763029224573563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919787866828264,0.0,0.0,0.07844031081600805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945062688622836,0.0,0.0,0.23243013070088706,0.0,0.0,0.09250528353649344,0.0,0.0,0.06625818848272012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428767882710404,0.0,0.08052316685800782,0.11512393144106765,0.2323906515188648,0.0,0.0,0.08774643381693494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407467524630037,0.1058337645584386,0.07104773791257375,0.0,0.0,0.2079784981452798,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckthisshit123456,2018/02/16,"I've already posted here about the same thing but my situation is still the same and I am at my absolute limit If anyone can help me, please read my past post I did in this sub. The only thing that's changed is they said they are processing my case now, but everyone else who got approved has told me it took at least 6 months to even be told a hearing date, and that it took other people 5 years. I'm only a year and a half in. 

The thing that is killing me most at this point is the inability to be with anyone platonically or otherwise. As you can imagine I am desperate to touch someone. I need skin to skin contact. I need sex. I need to feel cared for. I cannot get out of the house to meet anyone let alone have an intimate relationship with someone. 

Even if I tried to work at thjs point, it would take who knows how long to be able to get my own place. It would still just be waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting like with ssi, except I would have a meltdown because I can't handle any extra stress with my stepdad's abuse. 

I have been daydreaming about taking every sleeping pill I can and being free. That's the only access i have to kill myself. I'm closer than ever to following through with it. ",4.4762903225806445,4.956216467741938,5.300161290322581,84.6702419354839,69.80645161290322,8.135483870967743,27.596774193548388,8.07648339933343,1.571559677419355,956,30,201,12,16,312,142,248,0.119,0.7979999999999999,0.083,-0.9109,0,1,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,1,2,3,11,6,2,1,12,0,28,5,3,1,1,39,52,14,2,8,7,0,4,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,17,13,0,5,3,1,1,3,2,3,0,1,8,6,26,4,31,35,6,26,0,0,0,1,13,11,0,4,11,142,43,2,0.108420181399005,0.12846018595855915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229061011347402,0.11964436621240215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372944123776272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274297351868949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609193626109237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054160076259224,0.0,0.1146941759171255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057114938505653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143221014557918,0.0980722612479278,0.091348678952742,0.1036001295715495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482050137728845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132901398060336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867135234368459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219742417544807,0.0,0.07267176219241475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251023325622513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990173386341865,0.0,0.05958489626419431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086698117251312,0.0,0.05296862411665545,0.0,0.0,0.09594844875397956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653995440381926,0.0,0.0,0.2411765721606961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473753006632904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349933114459,0.07516490240811666,0.0,0.11327601350265858,0.11901280120668653,0.20498423184337825,0.0,0.20767312734794374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844952143986668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640269970233387,0.0,0.0,0.10313242048217272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186882652000852,0.10849848115736874,0.0,0.18372813572517985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316899383460632,0.0,0.12419495147900485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303696670798715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160886527672352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207200259143099,0.2409176216602538,0.07361018628230362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893118333660393,0.0,0.0,0.2310557584166432,0.0,0.0,0.13963808425136226
suicidewatch,whitfaith,2018/02/16,"My “Support System” betrayed me I’ve been suffering with suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety for a couple of years now. It caused me to fail out of college, only causing more depression and anxiety because of the disappointment. I’ve tried 7 antidepressants and have had a therapist for 3 years now. I’ve worked out. Changed my diet. Went back to church (when I was able to get out of bed), got a job I really enjoyed when I wasn’t depressed, journaled, and everything else I could have done to feel better and nothing helped. It helped for a little but nothing took away the desire of ending my life. Over the past six months, I have still kept trying my hardest but I’ve found myself worsening. I now hear voices telling me to kill myself. I’ve isolated myself to the point that my only support system was my emotional and mentally abusive cheating boyfriend. I just became aware of his cheating, I had a feeling and begged him for the truth. He watched me go through psychosis because of the anxiety I had from thinking he had cheated, he did nothing. He thought lying to me would keep the truth from coming out. My support system betrayed me, he watched me worsen and now that the truth has been out he let me go. I was just diagnosed with bipolar two disorder three days ago. He was the only one I shared this with. I don’t plan on being here much longer. I trusted him and only kept myself from killing myself because I did not want to hurt him. I don’t feel so sad about hurting him anymore. He did not actually care for me. ",4.780695732838588,6.3645640578231335,5.194607297464444,81.62192949907237,69.98639455782313,7.930488559059987,32.07111935683364,8.438071523408619,2.5670870748299315,1219,55,222,19,22,388,150,294,0.254,0.624,0.123,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,4,13,25,5,0,14,0,25,4,0,2,3,43,48,14,3,4,6,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,5,18,1,3,7,0,0,5,5,14,0,4,23,7,41,11,36,21,2,33,1,9,2,0,18,10,0,0,15,152,46,4,0.0951717161720757,0.1127629210697138,0.09287386629883934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436398405378269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184183071255863,0.0,0.0943847690396904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941696020498474,0.07318117513687918,0.0,0.1740473844796941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417164890672146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703390749981612,0.19553513752898966,0.10067905639083316,0.08198200640258065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598687117037532,0.10530569374942952,0.0,0.0613778835713527,0.0,0.24591377904758102,0.09659728856576974,0.0,0.0,0.1090750320240082,0.0,0.0,0.09739370855812013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950375669388406,0.10705537093079363,0.08429389206650595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553420178777718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443650378601394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435087446664236,0.0,0.0,0.04972329363218329,0.0,0.10817655906730096,0.0,0.0761175155245393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726544099557477,0.0,0.1275831904329308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376658110091966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444324306407087,0.08459299420995567,0.2105868061630789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731952786699646,0.06722259769436419,0.0,0.09538706211136512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591070527491444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596515585741534,0.0,0.06996216198448843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739594853874581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449081794157244,0.2895295150025715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085217199039837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996803399983977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096943839090256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600425547333721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410241049765384,0.32399920702862794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083184274797588,0.0,0.0,0.11050169783516303,0.0,0.060982192857596464,0.0,0.15111142371354272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057392784887538,0.1292306960906323,0.0,0.09296893770888916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056134744012430286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882251343761373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928614286294009,0.0,0.0,0.06760725655870763,0.0,0.0,0.1225749297750668
suicidewatch,Ginkenradon,2018/02/16,"Enough of the suffering Hello, 

I am edging so close to the end and taking the leap to end it, I guess its a culmination of things. I'll list them: 

1) I was sexually abused when I was 5 by my 13 yr old sister. I didnt know what the fuck was going on but this has really fucked with my head ever since.

2) I was sexually abused at 6 by a 14 year old male neighbour again same as above 

3) I always have such negative self hating thoughts, whenever i get something good i always expect to lose it. Its a constant mind game sometimes i feel on top of the world, other days so flat i can barely get out of bed

4) i worked my hardest and paid off my house, i have a wife and 2 beautiful daughters.do you think this would make me happy? Nope i cant even conquer my demons for them. Im under 30 and i cant imagine how much i will continue to deteriorate in the future.

5) ive got diagnosed ptsd, worked to a high exposure of self harm i.e. multiple slash ups & hangings on a daily basis for a 2 year period.

6) im just a weak pathetic human being, my wife has repeatedly been unfaithful in the past and im such a fuckn pathetic piece shit im too scared to leave - i dont give a fuck about myself.

7) ive been battling father issues as he never got in touch or saw me and died when i was 13 

8) i am starting to believe i have bipolar or something and it will only likely get worse, i dont know whats wrong with me i dont want medication i dont want to fight a life long battle with this whirl wind in my head.i wish i could be  b normal like other ppl

So i guezs  that sums it up i have been thinking about ending it so much lately ive begun to visualize it.i cant stop this illness in my head i am self destructing and i feel like its a matter of time my soul is so weak and i cant fight anymore",0.2187370013235004,2.1986643746770014,3.0317879876473164,90.138111174135,84.83979328165374,6.04951156488309,18.999747904455788,7.313800181584829,0.3731531984622172,1391,37,316,22,41,490,211,387,0.229,0.67,0.101,-0.9957,0,0,2,1,4,0,34.0,0,1,2,5,17,22,10,1,19,0,37,13,3,2,2,42,64,22,1,7,4,4,3,3,1,3,7,0,1,5,18,14,0,1,8,1,1,2,12,17,0,0,14,4,48,5,40,44,5,45,2,2,1,3,19,18,4,3,28,194,66,2,0.0,0.19298301142246596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552699290134254,0.08823876374162072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076527633774436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917534919227535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800626947688735,0.0,0.06502215040156731,0.0,0.0,0.05252120419536771,0.0,0.0,0.0826585346753402,0.08452048082318818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381782053766028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639146513583546,0.0841479149146982,0.0,0.05378947275010986,0.0736659384828443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235567592040895,0.05817980134307036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258662113722225,0.12764502974851774,0.07812339199247202,0.04628347229764829,0.06830689165205306,0.13026788618610213,0.0,0.08971387528347337,0.0,0.0,0.08669297740290102,0.0,0.08040382525106726,0.25073870808131205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604442499889937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396928975965524,0.0,0.0,0.3518709494835752,0.08500081191386971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951312525788309,0.0,0.0918663657516646,0.08623179156248333,0.0,0.0,0.05752254028023576,0.11936046001328095,0.0,0.0,0.07207065926181386,0.0,0.09110903930797236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054360943880502034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204089114650458,0.0,0.0,0.08222984004642847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973358420757706,0.0,0.06281052199975254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979260446729088,0.0,0.0,0.17091236712933128,0.0,0.0,0.06193777747467509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774242445413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951974458850216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217169666143495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153431467174255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548748783673713,0.0,0.08359562333322466,0.06736690848813144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539093212393707,0.08054492593550913,0.0,0.0576427090185631,0.0,0.0,0.06808637379277725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061231743854554425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410423293680708,0.10436522137918776,0.0,0.06465320632867168,0.04748754275511386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606927385510597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936504501281306,0.0,0.0,0.11857664179585188,0.0,0.08299296112163268,0.057851693805646164,0.08904039999903403,0.0,0.10488766541559097
suicidewatch,maddascientistu,2018/02/16,"I'm typing this in the bathroom I'm at work right now. It's been a really bad day. I've had bad days at work before, and I understand that everyone does sometimes. But something is different about today.

It started with this customer (yeah, it's retail) shrieking like a harpie, complaining about me to my manager, basically because I couldn't read her mind. The customer calls me names and degrades me in front of everyone while the manager apologizes profusely. After the customer leaves, the manager threatens to send me home but I'm still here. Everyone is tip toeing around me, not speaking to me, not speaking around me, noone will look me in the face. Everyone is treating me like a time bomb or a freak. Almost like they're pretending I'm not here in hopes that maybe I'll disappear. And then it dawned on me...

My boyfriend does the same thing at home. My family all do the same thing. I have zero friends.

The only people that truly love me are my children, and that's only because they're still small. They don't know any better yet.

I'm the toxic one. Everyone would be better off without me. I really should disappear. I'm tired of being tip toed around. I'm sick of being the reason everyone is on eggshells.

I'll probably put an end to it when I get home.",2.693238866396765,5.152427198380572,3.8850623481781374,84.80599028340083,78.63562753036437,7.514753036437247,25.66947368421053,8.488131031819089,2.0329279028340084,1006,39,190,22,25,327,133,247,0.153,0.753,0.095,-0.9247,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,4,12,14,0,0,16,1,17,5,2,1,1,28,31,10,0,4,7,0,0,3,1,3,2,2,3,1,13,8,0,0,3,2,1,5,6,5,0,2,2,3,23,9,26,22,3,35,0,0,1,1,12,15,0,3,18,119,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033524359660516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813904039120534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675961772456115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732465780451725,0.1221612706898142,0.0,0.08526232489080797,0.0,0.0,0.17723648563707642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023148089949299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292406709542257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468706570719412,0.0,0.0,0.17537037227670374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874694380227076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5744690285102281,0.0,0.0,0.09445909400173184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741382198084963,0.0,0.05235006045464821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30152455878343176,0.0995206309526125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055066979826401234,0.0,0.0,0.10609671626781957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685712345950006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414227545764265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043388701278372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066378334450014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117284878434298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789771898428419,0.15241234546839566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946566032789159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803192003445718,0.0,0.0,0.10072809060146314,0.0,0.0,0.1002265336308169,0.0,0.12838062616125026,0.10302169014562428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556975570109396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713840746583027,0.09909978673700832,0.0,0.0709216639575388,0.0,0.16003876968698805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331360823374531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058427086561161676,0.11516449134299807,0.0949773324860084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431112811554684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658866356380913,0.0,0.1458927397036568,0.0,0.0,0.07117879185964641,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway28482949293,2018/02/16,"I sexually assaulted my best friend Me and my best friend started sleeping together 6 months ago. It was a regular thing and it was consensual. Obviously it was stupid and complicated because we're very close, but we managed to get by without too many bumps.

Over christmas she decided it was time to end it. We'd tried to end it twice before and failed. We tried again anyway. One night we were hanging out. We cuddled. We had sex. I guess I thought things were going to carry on. She told me the next day that she didn't want to have sex anymore.

A few nights later we're cuddling again. She asks me to tickle her back because she likes that. It's not anymore sexual than rubbing someone's back would be, but I occasionally push the boundaries. She takes her top off. Things slowly progress until we have sex.

Last night she told me she didn't want to. She didn't know how to say no because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. She admitted she could have been clearer but it doesn't change what happened. It doesn't change what I did.

I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I've spent my entire short adult life believing rape is the worst thing you can do to a person. Now I've done it to the person I care about more than anyone in the world.

I don't know how I can live with what I've done. My friend can't reconcile hating me and still caring about me. And deep down I'm scared that I could do it again. I don't want to die. I just don't want to exist. I don't want to ever have existed. The world would be a better place that way.

I can't talk to anyone. How can I begin to explain what has happened. They'd hate me. They'd be right to. The only person I can and want to talk to is her. But that will just hurt her more than I already have.",1.109373640713354,3.276880239669424,2.5035703929244626,94.12750869943457,82.69146005509641,5.363752356096853,19.745469044512106,6.5966054737557815,0.05197961432506881,1369,37,304,14,38,442,169,363,0.134,0.731,0.135,0.3114,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,7,1,2,6,19,21,7,1,11,0,48,8,1,3,2,49,80,16,1,11,8,0,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,4,24,16,0,0,8,0,1,3,15,12,0,2,19,3,58,9,34,50,7,41,0,3,0,6,41,14,0,1,24,210,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489811979968984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324034231136187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758909191140364,0.11815921374273795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898973206705576,0.0,0.0,0.12994010380045107,0.0,0.15451880325225478,0.0,0.07189748616856348,0.09519489741316237,0.17734079176206674,0.07472736516964418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229288801534226,0.0,0.17876519492187842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492188269568062,0.0,0.0,0.054491121161939333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769059719327464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729317488532024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967178464104808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642893267345684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272229839075374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958376997900917,0.0,0.0441442073305147,0.0,0.04801943015976879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093078780711011,0.0,0.14943410750836048,0.0,0.0,0.3336781515779279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180903426665346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287050113830712,0.06887323150437516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059680042755556564,0.04127910741431018,0.0,0.07460903963017093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566283852459601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744166255097211,0.0,0.0621122206179708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985947198861026,0.2378734208049739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572547759846022,0.06426088260123007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132859781752048,0.08827740585715524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721567273100481,0.0,0.06719238038506763,0.08459242867141778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455421549407859,0.0,0.07159081037226624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980471867227233,0.0,0.06747637508559555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352836772218637,0.13582486002524188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224534098751176,0.0,0.0,0.06707815926037422,0.04926866178327096,0.0,0.0,0.16147373838905266,0.0,0.11473066695644632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971573514625902,0.34885393102124224,0.06706676576826898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144842533337572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004308373664126,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Potato-Bill,2018/02/16,"I can't see a future It should be golden, right? For a more or less straight-A student, life should be easy, if you know what you're doing. I don't know what I'm doing. University, employment, current studies, social life, everything's piling up on me at the moment and I don't know how to deal with any of it. I don't know what I want to do in the future, so I don't know what qualifications I need, so I don't know what university to go to, or even to go at all, but I'm running out of time and everyone's breathing down my neck about it. I'm infamous for being a poor decision maker. 

It's not even that I don't know what to do in the future, it's more that I can't envisage a future. People like to think of themselves in ten, twenty years in variations of ""good job with a future, happy relationship"", stuff like that. I can't see myself in any of that. I can't envisage myself in a relationship. Maybe I'm not completely unlovable, but I don't know how much I could love someone else. I need the warmth of human contact and compassion, but I wouldn't be able to stand so complex an interpersonal relationship. I know if only be in it to make myself feel good and I'm disgusted by my selfishness. 

The future is fast approaching and I'm ill equipped to deal with it. I guess I'll meander some more until my life takes all the way down this alley to the inevitable dead end. I won't make it past thirty and at least by then, I'll likely feel more justified in killing myself then than I do now. I don't want to say I have depression, since it hasn't been diagnosed by a professional, and I'm not sure it could be diagnosed as such. Whatever it is, I've been feeling it for over a year now. I thought I was past it in the last few months, but it's been gradually coming back and I don't want to deal with it again. I already managed to push a close friend away and made them hate me because of it.

Ive been so unproductive over the last few weeks and I hate it, which makes me hate myself, which paralyses me with guilt and loathing and makes me more unproductive and on and on it goes. I've skipped back into the habit of cutting my arm recently. Thought I was past that too, but I guess not. I don't think I do it for the cut itself; not for the pain, not the blood, though those are factors. Rather, just holding the blade to my arm, feeling the cold steel, has an uncanny power to calm me. I could just cut my wrist and be done with it. It would be better to go soon than to see where the future takes me. 

I can't, though. Not now. There's the general excuses of parents and friends being sad. There's also a couple of teachers to consider as well. A couple of weeks ago, another student killed herself and it hit my history teacher hard in particular. He's concerned about the mental health of his students. I should talk to him. What would I say? What would he do? It scares me. I suppose I'll remain as my weak, indecisive, meandering excuse for a self.

I'm not going to kill myself tonight. Perhaps not any night soon. But the thought is always there, even when I thought I was getting better. It's always in the back of my mind, along with the self-loathing. Every little thing that goes wrong, every negative feeling and the first response is, ""better die"". I hate this about myself. I hate talking about this. I sound like the perfect archetypal moody, self-absorbed angsty teenager. Maybe I should have posted this to r/OffMyChest.",3.4640723010894696,4.684774808297568,4.676820457796854,85.47431949488279,72.73390557939913,7.837581159898756,26.460905689446463,8.324003586134276,1.594241972047981,2697,91,568,43,52,890,277,699,0.152,0.7240000000000001,0.123,-0.9766,5,1,0,0,0,2,95.0,0,1,1,6,37,40,12,3,37,0,61,16,6,8,4,109,119,44,5,19,22,1,6,4,2,9,9,3,0,2,48,30,0,1,22,0,1,8,28,23,1,2,13,13,72,17,87,84,13,80,0,2,3,1,27,29,0,8,44,391,120,7,0.06131452920358658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435163063198288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766210765851256,0.04903320685177892,0.10203720020381804,0.0,0.0,0.12508794726970665,0.06429362998224619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057607018537647325,0.1414412647126199,0.0,0.03737676790162168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268315522462376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281703774944148,0.0642871173122252,0.0,0.0,0.1468639870812429,0.13568672068556892,0.0,0.0,0.18963776189086545,0.05281011415798936,0.12446591296188016,0.06363480099758917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274605132511622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122042144105298,0.0,0.0543064737579275,0.0,0.0,0.12149300480361512,0.0,0.10332027065596397,0.05858866023045059,0.0551055452645175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501234130400826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052154107218028975,0.0,0.0,0.09474290633085017,0.0,0.032034310845006575,0.0,0.13938583976111293,0.102855436095668,0.0,0.0,0.13508973315779155,0.0,0.0,0.06527045647625564,0.054925774765516,0.3026770180117632,0.0,0.06517447734676565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084520924749761,0.0,0.2035063261814644,0.0,0.30327175563141345,0.09995904968424443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992479578763955,0.11982072740949225,0.06145326616677805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533875648528482,0.05801729005572798,0.16371169743406458,0.0,0.12319737163572995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061790624106038625,0.0,0.06191019568812583,0.0,0.048940672235572566,0.0,0.04507323390478702,0.09092789298176183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753953209744754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046632462397830914,0.06524298206835448,0.0,0.06808252859526166,0.0,0.17559496802524846,0.04250777433055925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872237007570855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054070054862293,0.1974865741279944,0.0,0.052362272922967114,0.0,0.09751954921538658,0.06138654013889273,0.0,0.14657922406920465,0.0,0.1918932784838437,0.0,0.0,0.05072001216406877,0.0,0.0,0.06250244100232047,0.05195160162103103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019046656551885,0.0,0.0,0.05778821814673313,0.0,0.0922017905475741,0.09856459204151202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073464872098038,0.07857574908295986,0.12048242726331045,0.194707549153098,0.03575299505699371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084946937868467,0.04866861932539145,0.09836563378345824,0.0,0.05512912533295767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066824703932955,0.06703781236807382,0.0,0.07896909306260952
suicidewatch,luna-gal,2018/02/16,"I don't know where to turn I feel completely numb. I want to kill myself but the only thing that's stopping me is the fact that my family, friends, and boyfriend will all be devastated. I've talked to a therapist, I use my boyfriend as an outlet (he says he is fine with it and is glad I come to him for help but I hate that I put all my shit on him). No amount of talking has helped. I just want everything to end, I can't take being alive anymore.",2.451830357142857,3.2950015937500012,3.771071428571428,92.45250000000004,74.72916666666666,7.5690476190476215,24.130952380952376,7.957251820313856,0.9156327380952378,347,10,84,5,7,114,68,96,0.245,0.603,0.151,-0.9112,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,4,0,9,2,1,1,3,16,18,5,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,16,3,10,15,3,6,0,0,0,0,10,2,1,0,2,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081988021255212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808401472242463,0.22011252911449272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859398241189157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886757634114589,0.0,0.19790774276403567,0.0,0.10614928749308132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219502133575356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726704423790565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814295960010072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226163094256885,0.0,0.11537461578951788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966479236223444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104234859061172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694849227453248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549494324926768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551480175029138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784476077644796,0.3374751045380863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437503567174348,0.13947128021029434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283486593111569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131616848237006,0.0,0.0,0.24764983969174295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CarlTheLime,2018/02/16,"What defines a suicide attempt? A little while ago, I drove to a famous bridge near me at one a.m, stood on the edge, and considered jumping. But I wasn't crying. I was just calmly standing there, reading the notes people had left to please choose life. I was texting a friend of mine at the time too. They knew where I was and reacted as anyone would but was I using them as a life-line or for attention?  

A few days after that, I wrote a suicide note. I haven't shown it to anyone or told anyone about it so I know it's just for me. It's a couple pages of rambles about what I'm feeling and why I think I'm feeling that way and the header is a collection of names of people that I think would be sad if I died. 

tldr: I stood on a bridge and thought about dying, then went home a wrote a suicide note a few days later. Did I attempt suicide? ",1.4776906779661019,3.216971271186445,3.0577083333333337,92.8438506355932,79.22598870056497,5.328954802259887,21.796963276836166,5.985473137389443,0.1623336158192088,653,19,143,4,16,215,98,177,0.18,0.758,0.062,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,2,2,9,3,0,0,17,0,12,1,0,2,0,28,29,15,6,3,7,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,9,5,0,0,9,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,16,2,19,2,20,10,3,21,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,3,8,98,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173660823911565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880773633245701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195534124076004,0.15085284803151955,0.17713566874955547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850580469929493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887845826248166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106102429102164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377552797948431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547412301057026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921171344379694,0.0,0.19400342769771226,0.0,0.1376428287683598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305977576602273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904175536456114,0.0,0.0,0.15074939055492975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736925017537666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008760494488408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599371117264231,0.0,0.10902633627012624,0.08007944383672475,0.0,0.0,0.13122669356551026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861082882225267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900781771333733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730821974391562,0.1239208471220792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511354751956486,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Semiautomatiton,2018/02/16,"Why am I being kept alive? I'm being kept alive against my will. I have Crohns disease, endometriosis, chronic acute TMJ, severe social anxiety, and I'm flat out dumb.

I hate my life. I have nothing to contribute. Please let me fucking go.",1.892666666666667,4.6882728222222285,2.806111111111111,88.30250000000002,87.44444444444444,5.666666666666668,25.277777777777786,7.1686216300943375,1.5041111111111107,187,8,34,3,6,59,34,45,0.263,0.634,0.103,-0.7942,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,4,14,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771052599829085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29935321450583185,0.0,0.0,0.18402627989309644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196911578926705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311133359894313,0.22871358980364245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31070036720195165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554414958920426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658083498582578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300792023524825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921843405876413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shizzletripper,2018/02/16,"I want out I’ve dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts for years, but in all seriousness the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because of my mom. She is the only reason I have left to stay here. However, my dumb ass did something (really) bad a while back, and she found out about it. She said it best herself, the parent-child relationship requires trust, and I lost hers. She has put up with my shit for years, but I think this is the last straw. I don’t see a point in going forward anymore, especially if my own mother despises me like she does now.",4.241785714285712,5.395228178571434,5.146785714285713,83.09821428571429,70.78571428571428,8.457142857142857,26.5,8.841846274778883,1.8415142857142848,444,14,90,8,8,145,80,112,0.276,0.618,0.105,-0.9771,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,11,4,0,6,0,8,2,2,2,1,18,16,7,2,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,5,2,19,3,12,11,3,18,0,2,1,1,11,8,3,1,9,62,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407546047468675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496930584927272,0.14655758019767215,0.10699953289065467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420459013673252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118101066630332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153604721124042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245612092432351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997559485698845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941944427353329,0.0,0.0,0.1430778024006705,0.0,0.0,0.1907104259715899,0.0,0.0,0.08575354814773775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160828131248708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055749143672483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669921437424469,0.0,0.0,0.19490178436192634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592959972110086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645295571115496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244698875425907,0.3609416523237485,0.0,0.18845013779227135,0.0,0.0,0.16696622071838632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987216647660808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801757795583612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351291374126322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708825756397968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199787453295014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247051203757524,0.0,0.1393487049529084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035302783702666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260670610347571
suicidewatch,nineversee,2018/02/16,"I don't know what to do Hey guys. First of all, i'm from Turkey so English is not my native language. Please forgive my grammar mistakes. 

I'm a 16 years old gay boy from Turkey. Since i was a child, i've been through really bad situations. At this point, my life is full of problems. I have issues about everything. My physical health, my mental health, my family, my friendships, my dreams, everything. There is a lot to write and i don't know where to start.

I kinda lived a good childhood. Not that good but good. After i had started to grow up, my body shape changed a bit. People used to think that i was a girl, cause i had feminine moves, cause i sounded like a girl. And these things wasn't my fault at all. It was just the way i born. I was a boy but i knew i was not interested in girls. My whole life -from childhood to now- has been full of jokes, insults and abuse about my sexuality and my look. Everyone stares at me when i'm in public. Everyone observes me everywhere because of my look. I have no real friends because i am the weird thing that no one wants to be friends with. I got bullied at school like a billion times (sometimes even by a teacher). And these things were two times worse because Turkey (especially my city) isn't the best gay-friendly country. More than these, even if my family was supposed to support me, they just made it worse and worse. My father is the worst person i've ever known in my life. He is a total dickhead. He always made fun of me, named me (Turkish names that used for gay people like faggot etc.). My sister always called me ""the princess"" and she thinks it is funny. My mother called me ugly, told me ""act like a man!"" just because my hair was long. A few months ago i learned that she also calls me ""soft"" (disgusts me)  when she speaks about me to her friends. As you can see, my family(!) is here to ruin my life and be sure they are doing their best. 

All I told you is just a small part of my story. I have no social life. All I have lived caused anxiety on me. I have dreams like everyone else but I don't know if they will come true.

Nowadays, I've been suicidal because I'm about to lose my hope. I'm so tired of living with my sick/toxic family. I'm tired of getting so mad on myself. Last weekend I tried to run away from home but I couldn't. I turned back and felt like a loser. That's what I always feel. Everyone around me has a life. Has a purpose. And I'm like ""wtf am I doing with my life?"". I grown up so fast and queried life so early. I don't know what to do anymore. Every single day that I keep living with my family, I'm getting closer to losing my mind. I've been trying to meditate, think positive etc. but I can't stay positive with this family. I also have obsessive compulsive disorder because my psychopath father and sister made me paranoiac.

I want to kill myself because I'm hopeless. I feel so unsafe. I feel like I've failed everything. I feel so weak and unprotected. I am lonely as fuck. I didn't deserve any of these. 

I don't know what can I tell you more. Actually I could explain myself way better if I talked Turkish but there are no good Turkish web sites like Reddit. I just wanted to share.",1.3420889192886456,3.5874395333333347,2.909574783401734,91.09672879616966,82.34883720930233,5.716598267213862,21.268239854081173,6.986292612891036,0.5379799361605113,2469,76,519,31,68,809,280,645,0.22,0.638,0.14300000000000002,-0.9971,0,2,0,0,1,2,104.0,0,3,4,8,30,48,5,1,22,0,56,18,2,8,8,87,104,35,2,11,17,5,7,9,3,1,13,2,1,9,23,20,0,1,18,4,0,6,17,20,0,4,24,13,101,28,59,75,20,54,0,7,4,3,48,21,1,6,33,338,124,3,0.0,0.06548857723308413,0.05393774219706906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899551406602141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884023955886538,0.1379728175506228,0.0,0.0,0.037587024888855465,0.0,0.042283119426199486,0.0,0.054815219207217915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049204020272601186,0.0,0.0,0.051930097666692314,0.0425009479578528,0.04615001944046573,0.23585415107529384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600963122299494,0.04888381285241798,0.060342980846396624,0.061395008733455936,0.0,0.0,0.1693174390237209,0.0,0.0,0.17033947641262712,0.05847071091860856,0.04761214863083741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413039352062404,0.0,0.0,0.03564602823813652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334678625866068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617287190838972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328633705314555,0.07301359875271103,0.049996913886066134,0.04656925390616142,0.21126001137792655,0.14902540108160214,0.0,0.3126345452038461,0.0,0.11178923996143396,0.03948650594243557,0.05307002717227929,0.0,0.0,0.04701454701706902,0.0,0.0,0.17081281079568486,0.051098303830876116,0.057754937960526886,0.0,0.0,0.18543896134835128,0.0442062669797059,0.0,0.0,0.05472821669571274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750363271382692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544257266967522,0.05489781498380556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057689868085956164,0.0,0.04912851478254617,0.06115055458324476,0.0,0.15188091360002431,0.04505426026674352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123233941904897,0.2430290618808186,0.0,0.19522563505886706,0.04891420131251134,0.09282953747730054,0.12367101774136065,0.0,0.04699048979885194,0.0,0.1568998161386438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570142712064586,0.0,0.05580921544390185,0.0,0.0441177820616761,0.058745653761677626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799892784518669,0.0,0.03745390658140525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985445974840065,0.0,0.07663763647608518,0.04826159613700578,0.0,0.060672331784293786,0.052250141156459484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052888077897903736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291192033650325,0.0354088182271538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593846713417135,0.04404482656829545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572177578700086,0.062128324027458284,0.0,0.0563430975608642,0.0,0.0,0.05466566786351405,0.0,0.07824396507571359,0.0589128635449295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045886968297862,0.06272229349762495,0.052093440843198516,0.0,0.0,0.04442574031017056,0.04831038210948823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016127931268416,0.10624867666372008,0.0,0.0,0.06445938610668035,0.1270546393835141,0.0,0.10563000568896327,0.0,0.07505245821527101,0.06012033541033063,0.05399295619224268,0.0,0.0,0.09547495393544007,0.0,0.0,0.09780301407174548,0.08774507756269187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061709492455441085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689814322251892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035593516376059495
suicidewatch,Skaardja,2018/02/16,"i know im gonna kill myself eventually and i cant find any motivation to live a normal life until then basically im waiting for my grandma to die before i kill myself because i dont want to hurt her feelings. in the meantime im going to college and i have a part time job - im trying to pose as a mentally stable person. yet i keep failing my college exams because i have absolutely 0 motivation to study or do assigments simply because they will not matter in the long run and i feel i'm just wasting my time (but not money because college is free where i live). also i barely have the energy to get up in the morning, much less to study and remember anything. i know alot of you have similair problems - how do you deal with them?",4.250600000000002,4.92293552666667,6.465333333333337,75.42600000000003,70.4,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.708466666666667,579,25,109,10,10,206,93,150,0.187,0.746,0.067,-0.9535,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,2,2,3,5,6,2,0,8,0,10,1,0,3,0,26,21,11,3,3,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,8,0,2,2,4,5,0,0,0,2,21,2,17,19,4,13,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,2,6,73,21,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750997109743296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142240846599843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063096878810323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278084787695683,0.0,0.11439678410754656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138599611765818,0.0,0.0,0.1395253554743484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756026304697066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359517225435947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287384052619962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702382743083403,0.0,0.07640417875077755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391859401058982,0.0,0.5808641743354014,0.0,0.1334089101573499,0.11949461706689884,0.2974713213170179,0.0,0.14776715063125342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495749198560556,0.0,0.0,0.23742232597767554,0.11897334533402755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548182218254287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882735365483608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317206361593305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455831868526632,0.0,0.0,0.11738602265822345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863895120353944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229197756487448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678368648591068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127453571575722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929497947862346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trippinship,2018/02/16,"I’m alone and I can’t change that cause I am me and I am alone, and no one can change that for me cause I’m alone.... I posted literally 12 hours ago and here I am again... so I don’t think that’s a good sign. I just have a lot of thoughts going through my head...
About loneliness. 
I scream a lot of demeaning lonely thoughts at myself. 
I feel like maybe it’s my fault that I’m alone, but who am I kidding OF COURSE it’s my fault. But then I get overwhelmed with joy and thoughts of “maybe this loneliness isn’t what I thought it was” but then I shoot it down to the ground cause I’ve been alone a lot lately. In spite of this new depression I still don’t know who I am or where I’m going. And honestly, I don’t care who I am or where I’m going because this sadness is who I am and this loneliness is where I’m headed. So it all seems pointless... 
the other night I went on a drive and instead of singing along to the sad music in my car like usual I screamed every first word that came to my mind, and I cursed at god or the lack thereof and I cursed at life and the world and in that moment, I felt honest. 
I showed up at a bridge in our city overlooking the snake river next to some big waterfalls, and I climbed to the top. And I almost jumped, but 2 fears stopped me, the fear of going to hell and the fear of not dying. Only 2 fears. And I was 1 step away from possibly finding either. (I feel like this is a scattered post but ya, my thoughts are really scattered too.) 
Anyways... I feel lonely. And that’s nothing new. But, it’s getting overwhelming. 
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suicidewatch,wilvr,2018/02/16,"User seems to be planning to commit suicide within the hour. https://www.reddit.com/r/occult/comments/7y1boh/killing_myself_in_an_hour_ill_be_dead/?st=JDQCT987&sh=4ac5b9f9

Dealing with this isn’t my strong point, but I wasn’t just going to do nothing.",20.108850574712648,26.960730000000005,8.117931034482758,54.078505747126464,42.10344827586207,5.2459770114942526,26.90804597701149,6.42735559955562,1.3895425287356329,226,5,20,1,3,49,26,29,0.093,0.78,0.127,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991330571832089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37977740170879776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093554239869886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36277417042834303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534647722394012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482324833718193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33535383939057245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029413483977556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im-not-worth-it,2018/02/16,"Wouldn’t it be great if we could erase ourselves from existence Just like we never ever existed. 
It would save my family a lot of pain. And honestly, the thought of a funeral and people mourning me makes me cringe. I don’t deserve to be remembered by anyone. ",4.225200000000001,6.0571997200000025,5.569000000000003,77.39950000000002,71.8,9.8,30.5,10.125756701596842,3.4518000000000004,206,9,37,6,4,69,41,50,0.146,0.639,0.215,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,2,16,8,3,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202159811565983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25145694386571577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28488463767340044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29690092251676603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472265778543961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386559968658586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677538995896385,0.0,0.0,0.21022738758140536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429040228156984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351223374560573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834232958246655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567698552605484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500301447141228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372699198629234,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quix_Optic,2018/02/16,I feel like just a hug from anyone would help. I know it won't really but sometimes it feels like all I need is someone to hold me for a little bit and it would solve everything.,2.2559649122806995,3.5259670526315823,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,75.84210526315789,7.171929824561403,20.561403508771924,7.793537801064563,0.5315508771929824,140,3,32,2,3,46,31,38,0.0,0.7090000000000001,0.29100000000000004,0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,11,8,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,3,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439366724044824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30351899304929864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498608180582159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811441949910483,0.39722613482389374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863467458967075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278907774420855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271646935232702,0.2786427987070004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061436613654371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781027172112785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355601349765359,0.0,0.2749626921238178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949859606416365,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JerryDWBH,2018/02/16,"Birthdays just remind me how much people don't care 2 people out of hundreds of people I know wished me happy birthday. Sucks even morex bc my twin sister got 2 surprise parties. Not even one, two. My ""friends"" didn't even remembered it.",1.9973333333333336,4.818936177777778,2.5438888888888904,90.18250000000002,87.22222222222223,3.888888888888889,23.055555555555557,5.46131890053228,0.428555555555556,188,7,33,1,6,58,36,45,0.105,0.72,0.175,0.5223,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,5,4,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508277723143901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874699811972442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006988444448103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967599506714947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618865855087414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520291628153736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084867124310128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670552197486402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116656054514961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786860192551963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403200297792827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28290407539506285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JackhusChanhus,2018/02/16,"5 hours to kill Gonna be in public transport for a longass time, if anyone would like to chat about anything at all, or just vent if you like, go on ahead 😊.   
I’m 20, from Ireland ",1.6153846153846168,2.57811258974359,3.0953846153846136,96.02461538461542,76.94871794871794,5.2,23.256410256410252,3.1291,-0.13806666666666656,137,4,33,0,3,45,36,39,0.113,0.767,0.12,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,2,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,5,18,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986306965306364,0.0,0.35145801838439544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242724632661113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205968280125961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725109174290698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41730841662971146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490391450556655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30339191142562866,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DueReward,2018/02/16,"I think, it's over for me. The only thing that had been keeping from doing it was the prospect of hurting my parents.

I think I have crossed that barrier now.

I'm fed up of my failures, and of my loneliness.
I wish I had one friend I could call at this hour and talk about this.

I've penned the letter.

Why am I posting this then? Because I'm looking for a reason that could pull me back, even though I really don't want to be pulled back.",1.0066666666666677,2.8953645053763424,2.3969892473118293,96.28215053763441,81.36559139784947,5.423655913978496,22.161290322580648,6.42735559955562,0.2332709677419356,341,11,79,3,9,110,64,93,0.127,0.784,0.08900000000000001,-0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,0,11,20,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,1,13,1,11,12,0,12,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,5,57,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293146105494278,0.0,0.13053526978277227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865671696945735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34194021672290986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143475612535478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654408812240406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088074759290548,0.0,0.22923693208235135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903338453595209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798202419634053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510404181621525,0.16286001710361198,0.0,0.0,0.2377725987722496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508301949200455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718095412900227,0.2201673908710828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721143418156474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226239075286468,0.2744193032400366,0.21038745495991787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263029141590636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322436181141364,0.0,0.2462457409916664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rj1349po8t,2018/02/16,Finally found a way to kill myself as painlessly as i can find. Killing myself somewhere between tonight-19th Dont know why I feel the need to drag others into this but I felt it needed to be somewhere,3.1303846153846173,5.7393650512820535,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,77.97435897435899,5.951282051282053,27.698717948717945,7.1686216300943375,1.6439179487179485,163,7,29,2,4,51,32,39,0.182,0.778,0.04,-0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,9,3,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30640692172653355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219243228727126,0.0,0.25102437321786714,0.2863958521027416,0.23895235072770898,0.0,0.0,0.2866565778983098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784914933754579,0.0,0.14368114422265774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877103988914783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751970812663395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359098509173503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDude25a,2018/02/16,"Despair why do I exist. useless at everything. no future. all alone, going insane. nothing but darkness and i feel like the end is near. ",0.3261142857142829,0.845325840000001,2.322857142857142,84.77000000000002,130.6,3.0285714285714285,23.57142857142857,5.288315135182226,0.9973428571428572,106,5,16,1,7,35,24,25,0.285,0.536,0.18,-0.0361,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327641865854296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37008902616726896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755345573396688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112763450369829,0.2985104704773728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23747246934426045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413927315230776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009361242778881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770425447027391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,draakon6,2018/02/16,"I'm depressed and I am thinking of killing myself. I am writing this to help me feel better and get a burden off my chest.
So when I was born my mom and dad already broke up, fortunately my dad still loved me and is still keeping in contact with me and I sometimes visit him, but sometimes I am scared of him, he is still a good dad though. When I was about 8 my mom got an abusive boyfriend who was also a drunkard, fortunately he wasn't abusive to me, after a year my mom finally got rid of him. 
when I was about 12 my mom got another boyfriend who seems okay but I still don't like him.
So about 6 months ago my mother and my stepfather had another argument with my grandmother (mothers mother) but this time they called the police and I went to the child protection agency, after that my mother had to leave the house with my stepdad and I lived with my older brother (he's 21), and with my grandmother, that didn't make me as depressed as it should have.
The biggest cause for my depression was definitely my school (I'm 14 and in 8th grade), as I was am getting slightly bullied, don't have that many friends, and get below average grades and I don't have the willpower to do anything about it.
So I am thinking of hanging myself, the only problem is I don't know where is a good place (don't want to do it in my house) ",4.194777777777777,4.853248403703702,5.075555555555557,85.39000000000001,70.51851851851852,7.925925925925927,30.185185185185183,7.984000788550335,1.9060740740740745,1039,41,217,13,18,339,126,270,0.175,0.742,0.08199999999999999,-0.9817,1,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,1,1,17,15,1,1,12,1,30,2,1,2,0,32,48,26,1,3,3,12,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,17,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,14,1,42,7,31,33,0,28,0,4,0,1,30,9,0,1,17,153,52,3,0.0,0.2428669143400848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085087675190323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309985978673236,0.08196092335489558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149386351625793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434023617495029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064375262261153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465337543598968,0.0,0.0,0.10528508628153248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264822514991749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182183846586325,0.0,0.0,0.1122723844940602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918323706295728,0.0,0.1606398111282759,0.0,0.0,0.17192688497724806,0.2459109689689056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869664134310806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365185544410049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109749589521138,0.11338959502020447,0.0,0.056325622561480965,0.0,0.0,0.1085217241685122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007125826597316,0.0,0.09050022460038563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250089623051257,0.0,0.06841262660146824,0.10390840258514054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801384830189959,0.0818062481240976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794798508676383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070798538194995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980687382986302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026100031873292,0.10372498136153688,0.0,0.09330271363590947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027297375403119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273934167085471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313424383522313,0.10069554512710513,0.0,0.059762529838855716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060451041602323126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500891760299887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599996410060763
suicidewatch,Sophisticated_Baboon,2018/02/16,"Thinking about ending it im 20, about to fail out of university, for the past year ive thought about killing myself every single day

Im a polisubstance abuser who can't stop taking everything. These past 2 weeks I have been blacked out/in psychosis the whole time from an enormous PCP binge.

and the previous year I have been abusing OTC cough medicine among basically every other drug every day.

I feel mentally slow, ive started stuttering, I have forgotten how to do basic stuff, and I have no real/meaningful memories from the past year, just nothing at all. 

Monday this week I was going to kill myself but fell asleep beside the tracks instead of on them after a huge oral dose of pcp, I called the suicide hotline 2 times and close friends but I still cant get the thought out of my head.

I will update in a day or 2 on my situation. I wonder if ill finally get a rest
",5.4472515856236745,6.099871674418608,5.944228329809724,80.29548625792812,67.72093023255815,8.812684989429176,31.33403805496829,8.841846274778883,2.4843418604651166,696,27,133,11,11,225,113,172,0.158,0.792,0.05,-0.9451,0,0,1,0,1,3,15.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,2,0,12,0,13,6,2,1,1,19,23,8,3,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,2,17,1,21,17,4,34,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,3,22,83,23,1,0.0,0.2952004278337041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720432211563062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410204167900497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446667640738786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033588331051113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148777448943481,0.0,0.1119593777929714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629885257438998,0.0,0.0,0.13646509252448855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962458205629066,0.0,0.13016989462739054,0.0,0.07079846419219375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784920523053672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691233131459749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756460842169987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554162734700305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953243218646414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567608898399249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179286360945315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002676961678867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817435399286461,0.0,0.09948522315699994,0.1041497203568538,0.0,0.0,0.14260780699930636,0.13626410093805716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366439485856212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798222024182511,0.0,0.197796210437027,0.14528059060486812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998520312564355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908279385434627,0.0,0.0,0.13509555002283402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406653581338743
suicidewatch,iDontLikeAssThatMuch,2018/02/16,"I need clarification on something I currently have 34 pills of cypralex (10 mg each), 28 pills of lustral (50 mg each) and 14 pills of zyprexa (5 mg each) 

76 pills in total
Can I overdose by taking them all together? 
I can add alcohol in the mix but will it make the process better/faster or will it increase the odds of me puking. I’d love to get some answers.


Don’t offer mental help, I’m not asking for help and there is nothing you can do that can help me, I promise. You are all kind people, do not waste your time here.",2.27611111111111,3.8374736481481513,3.6214814814814815,90.47166666666668,76.4074074074074,6.2814814814814826,24.962962962962962,6.937597516519254,0.8346407407407415,406,14,89,4,9,133,75,108,0.03,0.728,0.242,0.9804,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,12,6,0,1,3,18,19,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,10,17,8,6,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,2,2,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863997650856349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25053443556203137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701534065112875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001369263406366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388840613422542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790703027614165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418714009104315,0.0,0.17888537852459338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700708466340688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987111588167026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25714359326885405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857904944006247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631176314607186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149509731142945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626710013764586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whims-and-worries,2018/02/16,"Been thinking about suicide again. I have no idea of I'd really do it or not. I'm scared but I don't see the point in living. I'm fat, ugly, and annoying, which is even worse when you pair it with the fact that I'm just genuinely dumb, lazy, and boring. I don't have looks, personality, or smarts going for me, so...what now? There's not anything left for me in the world. I don't have a future.",-0.8320106951871651,1.2610186117647082,1.7224598930481283,96.47652406417114,92.2941176470588,4.973262032085562,14.786096256684491,6.574015621080383,-0.5652352941176462,302,6,73,4,11,103,60,85,0.29100000000000004,0.654,0.055,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,0,7,5,2,1,4,0,9,1,1,0,1,12,16,6,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,2,7,1,7,15,0,10,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,2,4,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031887221955606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288552066978265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596949544405262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32967052827663546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172954959397844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25787112886981445,0.0,0.2452347778458102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25499258379989065,0.0,0.0,0.27606626311264004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870842817425885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29237670372741914,0.0,0.23271306853972865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194374954014951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871234187316016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976073142089025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vanillaawesome,2018/02/16,"Immediate help with friend in need I apologize for my brevity and likely my typos. Have a friend that just called good wife and talked deeply of suicide due to financial distress. I'm at his house now and everything seems fine. I know he needs to talk about it so I am considering an impromptu road trip to an arcade about2 hours away. We can talk in the car, get his mind off of his problems for a minute then talk strategy on the way back on how he can get in touch with a councillor.

Am I way off base, is this going to help or hurt. I know you don't all have the answers but any advice is better than what I got.",2.832834645669287,4.231441929133858,3.8574881889763795,90.02638976377955,74.59055118110237,7.599685039370079,22.936220472440944,8.238735603445708,1.014188031496062,483,13,108,8,10,156,89,127,0.071,0.8029999999999999,0.126,0.6323,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,0,1,6,9,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,1,1,19,19,8,1,3,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,13,6,21,18,1,20,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,2,6,67,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201859669367366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127502113467269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577528427666995,0.12749056034240602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466373102644306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693011271049142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490110440829575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561945322207755,0.0,0.17324812167555403,0.0,0.09422840030655266,0.13906582222036565,0.13260602454038625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226552673064784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328036360846318,0.191311831468728,0.17749315691516518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223953780405908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100188287931015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741151647415098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24587834499117345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864894809695013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509387969064425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135913535846848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330575244003103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26320987279740266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Efemel__,2018/02/16,No one to talk to even here I can not share any details of why my life feels futile because I know my SO will know it is me. I have no friends any more because the same reason I can't talk. Even if I could afford therapy I can't tell them how I feel or I'll be locked up. I want to die and it feels so lonely. I'm still trying to fix my shit but getting outed or locked up would ruin those chances. Just grinding through every day trying to fix an overwhelming situation by myself silently.  Too many people rely on me for me to give up but I'm hurting so bad.,1.6304958677685946,2.9894611818181858,3.4645371900826447,91.7749876033058,77.67768595041322,5.831735537190082,22.843801652892562,6.2581,0.3458885950413224,437,13,99,3,10,147,82,121,0.221,0.737,0.042,-0.9721,1,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,10,8,1,1,2,0,9,2,1,2,0,20,19,10,1,4,7,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,3,16,2,15,15,2,7,0,4,0,0,7,5,1,3,2,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952665242867364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318663680551126,0.22367861916350631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648285409822784,0.0,0.0,0.11832053913473517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904089788521776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423554262728605,0.0,0.1545782097368233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782981119243193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174555247393747,0.0,0.09585353172491297,0.17599752330885846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640439137555615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165648146129025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958762242083746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860059588041928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432146408593955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719238178912873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863383841328388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832544633399265,0.0,0.2062237269565346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651636649681912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949264086221749,0.16035756967964904,0.0,0.20980962070489867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491230512441037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821313458975496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554973422374938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032914431054488,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roflfactor,2018/02/16,"I don't want to live anymore but I don't have the courage to end it There's too many bad events that happened in such a short amount of time. I've never really wanted to live for years now but I never really thought about killing myself and just go along with life to just be alive. But right now I'm just sick and tired of being alive. I just want everything to end but I never could gather the courage to kill myself. Everytime it will just end up with me slicing my arm with no result because I don't have the courage to follow through till the end. If only someone could end my life for me, that would be great.",2.8900781250000023,4.258685351562502,3.4145000000000003,93.38050000000004,74.390625,6.370000000000001,22.95625,6.742157984588678,0.4280506249999996,487,13,108,4,10,152,74,128,0.269,0.6509999999999999,0.08,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,2,0,5,0,12,5,1,1,3,27,20,8,2,7,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,1,0,12,4,20,12,1,20,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,14,74,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352797360424456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389469090069525,0.08315283800853486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178208195921313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6040834546065403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259440117489667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752361162451225,0.0,0.0,0.15038991687739098,0.0,0.0,0.1206248353571625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30182971089099364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926975160230985,0.0,0.0,0.2409009100159244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382959481680376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156179693343219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374416541077344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174772468399198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649138870387088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557776010081655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829243807530994,0.0795403983062205,0.15678052854075464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413703004226813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690008160077036,0.0,0.0,0.08784205499522578
suicidewatch,FitDemosthenes,2018/02/16,"My name's Theodore. This is my confession. Let me begin with a disclaimer that I've never used Reddit before and I'm not privy to any existing protocol meant to be followed. English isn't my first language. And mine's a life I wouldn't wish on my worst of enemies.

My name's Theo, and I'm 23 years old. I feel human, though recurring patterns of slightly different, yet monotonously repetitive encounters with some of you make me question that judgment. At times, I feel as lonely and depressed as someone in my position deserves to feel. In others, I dismiss those thoughts as facetious musings of an idle mind. Ever since my childhood years I've felt a gaping disconnect with my peers that's bored a life-sized hole in my sanity; the depths of which would be impossible to define. I took out my rage whenever I could - the only possible way I could - on stray animals which I'd convinced my mother to be allowed into our home. I've harmed many. Wounded more. And killed beyond counting. This, despite never harbouring any intention to hurt;  some of them I'd raised myself. I punched two holes in a baby sparrow's lungs before releasing it, somewhat shocked at what I'd done. It died in mere seconds, squealing as it left behind a bloody mess. I mauled a young pigeon - smashing its round head against my window repeatedly. Mother found its half-eaten carcass returning from work. I also incapacitated my pet rabbit for life once when I was home alone - its only fault being an infectiously bubbly, if slightly excessive enthusiasm. I've lost count of my sickly exploits, but have been blessed enough to have been delivered from those memories and urges in recent times. All this was merely my past - I haven't harmed anything for the past three years. And no one's ever found out.

I've been reasonably aloof throughout the course of my life, my only lens of looking at the world being an unrestrained, unhealthy, and desperate envy. I've hated as much as I've craved with a passion, the maddening happiness that I see in two lovers' eyes. Deep, meaningful, impossibly close relationships. Depraved and manic I may be deemed, but I've always wished, yearned, begged and prayed for that one little ounce of humanity. I've dared only to love once, but was denied. By her fear of me being the monster I seem. My inability to convince her otherwise left me all the more miserable. ""I could be electrifying but possess no morals."" I still glance through her texts on occasion, cherishing her refreshingly youthful, humble innocence. Though I might eventually have killed it. Jk.

None of my other relationships have lasted a year and I'd always preferred it that way. I've always craved something more. Something most people couldn't put a finger on. I've never been bullied or abused, nor have I hurt anyone, but I've always been the distant, unfeeling stranger who observed with a lustful envy - a world he couldn't experience. I'm a monster in a world of men, a monster who wants to love more than any man ever could. Dear Reddit, what do I deserve? ",5.263900793650791,7.377999096428574,5.572619047619046,77.2746031746032,69.64285714285714,8.334920634920637,31.015873015873016,8.96741613852259,2.850175396825397,2434,104,409,47,45,774,296,560,0.171,0.73,0.099,-0.9868,3,3,2,0,1,0,79.0,1,1,1,3,10,29,4,2,27,0,37,14,4,5,8,75,63,29,3,14,8,2,6,0,1,4,5,0,4,4,27,20,0,0,14,0,0,3,13,19,0,7,16,10,52,10,63,28,14,62,4,7,5,5,25,28,0,10,29,261,79,1,0.0,0.09165174108350074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011532793163244,0.0,0.06185989842789976,0.25745861817913945,0.0,0.0,0.157809945738391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540876564166549,0.0,0.06365568162984672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164496972951334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470432293234754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666248142336318,0.0,0.08028115187509233,0.08081837795148437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915991245395476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992727290999822,0.0,0.0,0.2099131360031236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566697259481983,0.0,0.08704466081685226,0.11733739198975915,0.0,0.07427188977363933,0.0,0.0,0.06579720116731501,0.0,0.16962915181207214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082344681639303,0.0,0.07637097711053735,0.07938743410034216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518456897418054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561793322989374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116129354371334,0.0,0.0,0.06305376557471085,0.0,0.0,0.16809051145741566,0.07909961967835295,0.2185494331078998,0.0,0.07752894512143582,0.0,0.0,0.06495780709580397,0.0,0.08444093667456408,0.0,0.1396298580125115,0.0,0.05163433938424363,0.07842472932972609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820602804062475,0.07810540372151731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686402848574721,0.0,0.17898032548695175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116992218457078,0.16475879129645346,0.10483403040951718,0.2353245543243941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768613060298058,0.0536274653712371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720491729797762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776205056056873,0.08665408884498511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953270860296555,0.07637765969524465,0.16609831310660594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061641055757518715,0.07042009963178424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398795840980784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554172173886885,0.11910164693288675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061774936989970136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199965883089714,0.061410368539453176,0.090211380601903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594304654821798,0.0,0.0,0.15112707132578446,0.0,0.0,0.06680894690157875,0.0,0.0,0.045625343643192234,0.12279987548828285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790637101639747,0.0,0.0,0.056314571901012786,0.0,0.0,0.05495000231196303,0.0,0.0,0.19925354221938515
suicidewatch,secretlytexty,2018/02/16,"I am broken and I don't think I can be fixed Recently I've realized my parents broke me. They have broken me so badly I don't think I will ever get better.

I don't know what love is. I loved people so fiercely I gave them every part of me until I had nothing left but my broken self. It turns out that this is unhealthy. I will never be loved the way I have loved others.

Even though my expectations of love are unrealistic, I can't let go. I don't trust people, I don't believe they love me, because no matter what they do they will never be able to fill the emptiness. I can't feel loved.

This is killing me. I've been in therapy for so many years. And for what? The realization that I am broken. That when I tried to kill myself when I was 15... fuck. I should have done it right.

My boyfriend knows I am suicidal. He didn't stop me when I left the house. He is healthy enough to take care of himself now. He doesn't need my depression and bitterness and black empty hole he can never fill with love. He sets boundaries and is succeeding at school. He can't help me, and he doesn't need my help anymore.

I wish it was different but it's not. I can't anymore. I can't live knowing everything my heart craves will hurt other people. That I have to live in a black hole or cause others pain. It feels like it's time to set right what I fucked up 10 years ago and just fucking die.",0.7069021134593996,2.832417189655174,2.381145717463852,94.65294215795328,84.0,5.397107897664071,19.010011123470523,6.6834051587181325,-0.009215795328142208,1075,28,244,12,31,352,143,290,0.289,0.58,0.131,-0.996,2,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,5,2,11,24,6,0,5,0,43,13,1,1,4,34,70,18,4,5,5,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,19,9,0,1,8,0,0,3,18,11,0,0,7,5,47,13,17,54,2,30,0,3,2,11,26,9,3,1,16,159,66,2,0.08498850820671397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533718461209944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857152609531598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709618543802468,0.05180820576799934,0.0,0.0,0.09575294519709664,0.0,0.07516542899097671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665144830389564,0.08730660909033515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320047758356174,0.0,0.08820465356357768,0.08879490219413055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697275127526549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781584783781869,0.0,0.05613410812482381,0.07687697135689353,0.07160648368845879,0.0,0.07638219108555015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594548673652397,0.060715807244383364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571151905159274,0.044402987766690924,0.0,0.04830092777481576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071179142866872,0.1139320111401896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806532769501096,0.0909819558094234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880543844712953,0.0,0.14012238440671396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468052567922724,0.086906507788966,0.0,0.04152109217443195,0.0,0.15009281961635856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6136435746356662,0.0,0.0,0.08616500784777616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603580389960234,0.19664513071306494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154876577708388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043376486730798,0.0,0.09436968065170713,0.09203427231820653,0.0,0.17676099161814454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391589876410374,0.0,0.0,0.14515944327842856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860129076250987,0.0,0.0,0.08866154936451523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105419839429683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296363378508148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390078122109967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719176595631207,0.0,0.0,0.10891440874661733,0.08350077780287123,0.0,0.049557482594813324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057701618280162,0.09244309186441424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745992192505525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773259012694384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945962565485644
suicidewatch,HardcoreTeemoMain666,2018/02/16,"Fiance of 5 years broke up with me i can't continue living he broke up with me because i argues a lot i didn't mean any of my arguments, i didn't mean to drive him away! my god i miss him so much its been 3 weeks he has not talked to me he says i have been driving him away with my arguments, depression and anxiety.... i told him how upset i was that he felt no love for me anymore and he considered us just friends now and that i was feeling suicidal and he say ""its not all about you cry me a river"" he never use to be this nasty t'words me!!!!!  and when he said that i just got so mad i told him not to contact me anymore....and he didn't....i haven't gotten 1 message since..... he usually would use a different number and contact me and tell me how sorry he was but he just doesn't care anymore!!!! he never has left me hanging like this and recently i've gotten so bad that i dream about him every night! i have been for 4 nights in a row every time i close my eyes! i dream that we are talking and hugging and that we are happy...but then i wake up...i don't leave my bed i feel disgusting and i don't go out in public the fear of seeing him with someone else is so unbearable that i cant think about it or ill blow my brains out i have to quickly stop those thoughts...so going out in public is unbearable.....I've lost all interest in everything, hell I've forgotten what i like anymore. each day is hell its a struggle its a fight for survival, i know i could go down the basement and end it all and i wouldn't have a fear in the world i have attempted suicide before. but what stops me is ""what if he text you, what if he calls you and analogizes?"" my mother said not to worry that he wall call and i pray every night (something i use to not do) just hoping and praying that hell come back to me. The pain it hurts!!!! i cant continue living like this!!!!! my anxiety and depression make it so hard already I've stopped taking my medication for no good reason... Living is torture every waking moment of everyday is hell!! 

i get a little hope when someone says he'll come back to you it gives me a little strength but hope runs out.....      ",0.5036661480735773,2.6486534573991065,2.5113654250938042,93.2690743113389,85.05381165919283,5.6139104969342,20.76123364143864,6.956979308442209,0.4374217626063883,1646,52,365,22,49,550,199,446,0.255,0.634,0.111,-0.9975,1,0,1,0,1,1,77.0,3,4,0,4,20,35,9,4,13,0,35,9,4,7,5,75,70,33,2,8,15,1,4,3,1,3,3,5,1,0,26,31,0,3,8,2,0,9,19,22,0,0,17,11,65,13,38,48,6,55,6,7,2,2,54,20,4,7,29,233,91,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714226626087616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053700402308961726,0.0,0.12081938013338354,0.0,0.234942722877301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838456328433114,0.12144180129168175,0.0659343115835226,0.048137670746121235,0.0,0.0671952689991911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815350860811054,0.16126867574441106,0.0,0.080512320901565,0.0,0.0,0.13604649710002126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304888171165042,0.0,0.08674175861487833,0.050927309697025316,0.0,0.1360286632644911,0.0,0.0,0.0825039142427757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596696079491668,0.0,0.06994149842016074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26613307942130193,0.0,0.0709706254219411,0.0,0.0,0.17772010310912645,0.07985637567077024,0.0,0.0758208934632631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100986102502452,0.0,0.04125710152613066,0.0757525315638829,0.13463663468880932,0.06623393882336145,0.06315728175898902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073909836444972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529673544772076,0.0,0.0,0.08453601833278282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339830666295822,0.0,0.0,0.08361486035804283,0.08579809131180548,0.0,0.0,0.11573815196742765,0.15829175496374392,0.20918844683804932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620202452170016,0.06713508755628331,0.0712709789728192,0.0,0.05271121762796737,0.0,0.0,0.17203685655662368,0.0,0.07955114387126877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804997636185144,0.0,0.12180874201644246,0.0,0.0,0.2223160968559266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402666591097288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119143116202841,0.07797058101491673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023177656073428,0.1883936552698864,0.0,0.0,0.06292663261696993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532248192833373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381730063708086,0.0607928067464002,0.0,0.08839731263996745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806033948083127,0.0,0.08255366061037217,0.0,0.17275459468906662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937350505083916,0.12694168450863322,0.06902081137441635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059899170443318,0.0,0.0,0.046046407992559234,0.0,0.0,0.1509130828568744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498781580962093,0.20460691363269698,0.08697121182014156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334272273441025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019502238208087,0.0,0.05609603153762945,0.0,0.0,0.05085228625135845
suicidewatch,ivymarth,2018/02/16,"Can't do it anymore. Just can't. I've tried so hard. I can't get ahead for anything. I'm so close to just ending it all because everyday I wake up anxious about bills I can't pay and it seems like every step forward is met immediately by two steps back and i'm just finally too tired to keep going. This is absolutely not asking for money I just needed to write what im feeling down. 

I've been thinking about it for a while and everyday I just want to go to sleep so I can get a respite from my anxiety about this. What if I could just sleep and not stop? That sounds so good. I love my famil so much I hate what it will do to them. Its so selfish. I'm not a good person. ",-0.5893197278911586,1.4957336394557856,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,90.156462585034,4.899319727891157,18.37074829931973,6.42735559955562,-0.1991251700680272,523,15,126,6,18,177,84,147,0.111,0.7509999999999999,0.138,0.4605,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,17,6,1,0,3,0,12,5,3,0,1,25,29,12,0,4,10,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,3,0,3,5,7,2,0,1,2,3,12,4,17,25,2,16,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,10,82,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010737931720713,0.20690460780558906,0.18163316269099203,0.0,0.0,0.15071483369975036,0.0,0.17121824209224862,0.0,0.0,0.14082916581556912,0.0,0.11164505044187162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622842089982085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221437385871273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430971532121754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260490746310754,0.0,0.0,0.20062919580870725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137407812119464,0.0,0.2081739538310495,0.307230961792802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406423665083286,0.18082029474813108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978307891454464,0.0,0.0,0.16278996321317296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947664489626793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529782017139086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346345271512867,0.13580159238543274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991738188151686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667306567674526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36655964666636265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531195579202619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735355894020845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105011739399592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434516864595675,0.0,0.17890855018129478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080251739296981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrannyzOnAdieT,2018/02/16,"I lost my crush and that is the last straw A bit of backround info: I've been chatting with my ex classmate for about 2 years now. I had/still have a terrible crush on her. I cant get over it for some reason. She was my main motivator to attend school and continue life. Right now, not so sure. One of my closest friends got to know her very well and since they have become neighbours (they live in the same neighbourhood)  and very close friends. He developed feelings towards her and now they're an item. He asked me if I was OK with situation. I lied and said it was fine. Im in my room as of right now with a knife and im trying to not kill myself. Help me please.",1.5024128389596,3.386304122302164,2.6720863309352545,94.94921416712783,79.71942446043165,6.003541781959047,21.483674598782514,7.010146845296331,0.32462434975096865,519,15,120,6,13,166,92,139,0.11,0.757,0.133,0.6633,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,2,7,9,1,0,6,1,8,1,0,2,1,22,15,10,1,1,3,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,3,11,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,3,1,1,7,2,19,6,18,8,5,18,0,1,0,0,16,10,0,2,7,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675554716781416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969999931263926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473813466848366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019121926339647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756225138803252,0.0,0.09319301705492916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426619277260808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956028627036393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853489101098869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734432682066436,0.0,0.09802964782764807,0.14539856135956766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599078290647914,0.0,0.0,0.15750744940662034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947162171906856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208707922844691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958010120139147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833981096370696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304660725629787,0.1696744560006161,0.0,0.0,0.180523941527713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755275933676187,0.20049977249191264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811531939548302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110419066245848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29435434850321457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603795861954213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486696361603195
suicidewatch,rainingren,2018/02/16,"Just don't know what to do anymore... The last 5 years have been a complete mental health roller coaster for me. Such a long story of dropping out of college, hospitals, marriage, failing friendships, new jobs, agoraphobia and just plain bad luck. Now, I have a steady job and I leave the house but life just doesn't feel right. Loneliness is the worst feeling. When you have to show confidence in your job but lack any. You try and open up to coworkers but it only blows up in your face. Life long friends disappearing. Realizing your mental health is basically ruining your spouse so you refrain from opening up with them anymore. Trying to find help but counseling centers turn you away. All I ever hear is ""don't worry, it'll get better."" when? What do I have to do? I just don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore. My heart hurts everyday and I don't know how to fix it. Social media is so toxic and makes me want to scream seeing everyone's highlight reel but then I have my mom who guilt trips me into reactivating my facebook. The world seems like one big trash fire but what do I know. I don't go far from home. Anyway, I'm ranting. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm not suicidal currently but I really don't want to fall down that hole. I can't do that again and again. I want to get better. I want to find help. I keep reaching out in the dark but I'm finding nothing. I don't even know what to ask or say. I'm just lonely. How do I stop being lonely when it's hard to trust the world around you?",1.107877947295421,3.472943699029127,2.6317836338418883,91.91866019417476,84.50161812297735,5.6026259824318085,20.47905686546464,6.9916214562510826,0.436768210818308,1189,36,253,16,35,387,161,309,0.134,0.7,0.165,0.8531,4,4,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,9,1,3,21,16,0,1,9,0,29,6,2,3,2,55,57,23,1,5,15,2,4,1,1,1,4,4,1,0,13,13,0,3,13,2,0,4,11,10,0,1,1,9,33,6,31,54,3,41,0,5,1,0,22,20,0,3,17,155,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672836265345838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29437020475462017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807892973203603,0.09249696519382908,0.0,0.09295881511351464,0.0,0.08261203651467376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501146830718126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373830141031336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069988180628664,0.08949826946237606,0.0,0.09454286252553927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005561087092374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27129227075360673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644197301385129,0.0,0.1033857212097767,0.0,0.056230745995505406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863216793726937,0.0,0.0,0.21034041835852202,0.111514284032006,0.11724617773347505,0.13263683068467788,0.0,0.0992464118842512,0.0,0.0,0.11416523008196393,0.10591894365146072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29455257539243423,0.08794376917572183,0.0,0.0,0.32625403149985577,0.08065054445100077,0.0,0.10476478378511248,0.0,0.0,0.13977064342592613,0.04833782900405904,0.0,0.0,0.17512026360587427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604423297721658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941956198507715,0.0,0.0,0.11587911255973235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555833668077213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493705702790008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704533466365546,0.07524948453103758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633844713347656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449551757983209,0.0,0.15736453605114206,0.0,0.0,0.07884358153817014,0.09007264393857198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085841976843524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271954113285544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822596415867793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152439241963047,0.10761996212373742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334330882254742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047991642304782,0.0,0.0,0.10817702015711304,0.0,0.06371509503561308
suicidewatch,Schauma7,2018/02/16,"I changed everything from A-Z in my life and still thinking about killing myself every single day... 21yo guy here. 
Im so frustrated. Everything changed but nothing changed.
I went from 18 hours a day playing video games guy (from back in august) to a person who works out 3 times a week and got a safe job....
I even got 4 female friends...
It just doesn't change anything...
I still hate my life on the planet and the fact that Im going to just exist each day for the next 45 years for the purpose of working...

Thats all I do, my week is full. I got no free time anymore because when I do I sleep...
I just want back to be the person infront of my computer playing video games 16 hours a day nobody knows about...",2.928978056426331,4.1358747379310365,3.710909090909096,91.93545454545456,74.0344827586207,6.376175548589343,26.285266457680247,6.574015621080383,0.8561034482758618,547,19,120,4,11,174,90,145,0.093,0.8079999999999999,0.099,-0.0215,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,2,13,8,3,0,10,0,5,3,1,0,2,15,14,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,4,5,0,1,2,6,1,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,14,6,16,9,4,25,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,18,69,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147444444680982,0.0,0.0,0.09521218267503817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779340750004413,0.0,0.07053034314201642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895858733427856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984706632088434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641951403884266,0.0,0.0974832034978468,0.0,0.2079694545426817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939041641287633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575562615101661,0.0,0.2776103217294184,0.0,0.0,0.22912464502750196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142309254655789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278846401363249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499541786628319,0.0,0.11481553188518485,0.0,0.12800617266612332,0.0,0.06358632258847997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344627860240146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304947864960784,0.0,0.0,0.1110183676080578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205155130184166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578470142236895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479816521735898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413662090913015,0.0,0.0,0.13493253436796898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824353211434571,0.0,0.18561695656483507,0.0,0.0,0.10725611912930727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168463620837005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745077429645545
suicidewatch,chelsearents,2018/02/16,mom tells me i should kill myself tried explaining to my mother how i feel about my depression etc but she just told me i should kill myself just not at the house .. it's almost kinda funny if i wasn't so depressed i have basically nothing to live for and the only reason i'm still breathing is the fact that i can't find any means to off myself easily i have no friends no one to talk to nothing to live for i don't know why i'm posting this it's just i have no one to talk to i mean at ALL and just need to vent somewhere ,0.27671014492753804,2.228162113043481,2.4101086956521733,94.85226449275363,84.3913043478261,5.224637681159421,18.27898550724637,6.42735559955562,-0.20153623188405767,413,10,96,4,12,139,69,115,0.163,0.718,0.12,-0.6496,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,3,0,9,1,1,2,2,24,18,6,2,4,7,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,2,1,18,1,15,14,2,5,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,3,1,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259820571577666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042267213053028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797120289265041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810944975672971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210324326335952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841063622700115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545291266041828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873625192240128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35929460548221354,0.0,0.08923875393135201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867656638870024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537546943619242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017526123362494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204012992466374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116123211890458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006319780165806,0.12349585755594215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551332864108727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695172470834554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129675355654118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610267224358349,0.14192561129674167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515922741728885,0.0,0.11024406707635476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652097357584604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tkou15,2018/02/16,Im going to kill myself tonight Its been hard and honestly i give up. i cant live a day longer. ,-1.9206060606060584,-0.05775245454545441,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,96.27272727272728,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.4143212121212114,74,2,19,1,3,26,20,22,0.264,0.606,0.13,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717490816622276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042169321046327,0.23947453767890556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774651583308756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45515239440288396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661839725906422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720778279262352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,r1chard132,2018/02/16,"Killing myself tonight Its 2 pm... 

At 10pm ill get drunk and go to the traintracks... 
I have a timeframe of 20min until the next train comes... 

Ill take my sleeping meds, drink some more and just lie down... 

Goodbye everyone 
Ive been fighting this stupid fight for far too long",2.8877358490566034,5.1492283396226455,2.347773584905664,97.10996226415094,76.9245283018868,4.994716981132076,25.69433962264151,5.6839178017228535,0.44373509433962255,214,8,45,1,5,62,48,53,0.344,0.6559999999999999,0.0,-0.9661,0,0,1,0,3,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,3,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,7,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,6,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847812817427328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32386060977338044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159009756504875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272403926671495,0.0,0.18788671134995952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657581901736808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925692149120312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672203372984459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35159519010137874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308371929258794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485688824094532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jackle111,2018/02/16,"Fuck me dead, man. I'm sick of this. -sick of walking on eggshells 


-sick of worrying about where I'm going to live


-sick of someone who calls himself my ""best friend"" but treats me like shit and only cares about himself


-sick of a 'friend' I used to be close with now being distant because what? He's replaced me? I never fit his fucking mold or lived up to his expectations and now he's replaced me? fuck him. 


-sick of my best friend being a know-it-all bitch when she's actually dumb as a post


-sick of my mum complaining I don't do enough when I fucking cook us dinner every night and clean


-sick of relying on a pill for my happiness and sanity only to realise it doesnt always work 


-sick of expectations and society and money and I just want to live in a stick hut and shit in the woods",2.5560846560846566,4.363176283950619,3.782116402116405,88.55666666666669,76.28395061728395,6.850793650793651,23.917107583774253,7.7094869923839395,1.0715329805996472,626,20,132,9,14,204,96,162,0.313,0.537,0.149,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,8,18,8,0,6,0,6,18,2,1,1,18,16,13,1,3,3,1,0,1,3,0,10,0,1,1,4,10,2,0,0,1,1,2,3,9,0,0,0,0,20,9,24,13,3,17,0,0,0,4,17,8,8,1,7,80,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.13521810582431287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529603257693465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446709711748142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29082794259420897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148894914289548,0.0,0.1412748461514269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317326064112884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674582669470368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32116172904398543,0.5123993384522315,0.0,0.0,0.07874889888079922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750355088469344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761509422208532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769518598708031,0.0,0.3670626472168549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686880651044092,0.0,0.0,0.130032571531116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210767755015756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327056461706084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284467131005639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174045062184722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667497489199107,0.11967447930658145,0.0,0.0,0.08172841358698094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008759662018784,0.1407180829253487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dropsapluckedstring,2018/02/16,"I feel like I will end up killing myself real soon. I would have done it today but as I sent out a goodbye post my friends did message me, and it hurt knowing I'll be leaving like this. I prepared or tried to prepare for this though, I wanted to distance myself from everyone so it would hurt less but I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to continue living. 

I guess I just want to let this out somehow, knowing there's never an easy way out and no one wins in this situation, yet I will do it anyway. If this gun doesn't work I'm going to be very disappointed as I won't want to stab myself to death, here's to hoping it works and isn't defective or something.",3.7734654234654235,3.882807216783216,5.129743589743594,86.58470085470087,71.23776223776223,7.754156954156954,27.77700077700078,7.3871296695380915,1.3246292152292152,524,17,117,5,9,176,87,143,0.214,0.595,0.191,-0.8726,0,0,1,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,9,11,1,0,2,0,16,0,0,0,1,28,29,13,2,9,7,0,1,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,3,1,18,5,18,18,1,15,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,6,8,86,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276787821705765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222002969496882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264587367593154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548174260646304,0.10664748338941164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533532764704706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484071325650297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445155884385915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827125550524894,0.0,0.0,0.4794301712171962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651590232794259,0.0,0.16408357056398656,0.0,0.0,0.1580686655162411,0.0,0.15265152135011614,0.0,0.14586382653728425,0.0,0.13181922643700264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513590536600775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115771919227487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297141717907488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991622375665116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779984064403275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492500010455255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666934720790434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150240203908454,0.0,0.0,0.10135305213528244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317373770015072,0.4402535781825752,0.11849353948297985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735894836982872,0.0,0.0,0.2120920804732805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,earrebarre,2018/02/16,"I'm a disgusting piece of shit and here is my rant. I'm so fucking done. I recently moved to the other side of the country for my internship, better said: to work fulltime without even getting paid. I have literally nobody here; all my coworkers are at least ten years older (seriously), I can't join any sportsclub or other activities around here cause I'm not an official student so I'm not welcome there. All the parties and activities I'm welcome at, are full of old people (as in at least 40 y/o).

I was so glad that I got invited to celebrate the newyear at my boyfriend's appartment, but yesterday the flu kicked in. I was up the whole night (8pm till 5am) vomiting bile and it hurt so much that i even had to sleep sitting up. It was horrible. So, I asked him if he could please, just please, come over here, instead of having that stupid fucking party. But guess what, he'd rather be there ofc. He'll maybe come later tonight, around 11pm, just to fuck obviously. I know he's totally obsessed with the girls that are gonna come to that party ('I just think they're really interesting', yeeah well, especially with those seethrough dresses and giant push-up bras, right.), and it just hurts so much. I never felt wanted in my entire life, and even he, after all this time, won't spend time with me. He's probably gonna break up with me soon cause I'm a depressed, hidious piece of shit with no friends who's always yelling and ruining everything. 

Things were finally getting better for me; I quit drugs after using almost half of my life, I started to eat better and to exercise, but nothing helps. I'm still the same disgusting whore, and I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm probably just gonna go to that stupid party, eventhough it's two and a half hours by train and I've been vomiting my brains out for the past 24hrs. I just really want to feel like a whole person, okay. I don't want to die, but trust me, I want to, if you know what I mean :/",2.8971408743927825,4.650675244274812,4.127318991441129,86.68315058986816,75.18320610687023,7.81707147814018,25.64954892435809,8.575989854853784,1.7045206106870232,1533,54,321,30,33,502,209,393,0.182,0.68,0.138,-0.9728,0,0,1,0,1,1,61.0,0,1,0,5,28,29,10,1,15,1,21,17,4,3,6,63,61,26,1,8,17,0,2,1,1,5,7,2,0,2,19,22,1,0,7,1,2,5,9,17,1,4,11,4,32,12,47,42,14,45,0,4,0,5,17,18,6,5,21,199,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926182667542829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696149226035258,0.0,0.0,0.06289833555102907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467655988826768,0.08646836465069126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454073292230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325265223400656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003134861333032,0.0,0.2390232993760421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384804484704435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966398889659762,0.0,0.09599301499222798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465233726091446,0.0,0.0,0.10726238552257447,0.09464331529090744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327204059310392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312664375161838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046767183269229545,0.06607693766264043,0.08880767729435203,0.10132143777889903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145977582430961,0.34203273815330143,0.09664743294559552,0.0,0.05256583974545511,0.0,0.0739750119135483,0.0,0.10189134386389644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061996033154825436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108686339892427,0.0,0.1980310991583007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249501702770304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066092425723194,0.045187353076796784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292153787736164,0.1007518702428506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830530225237752,0.13598583008484108,0.0,0.07133621722532553,0.0,0.0,0.08679830974069236,0.0,0.08874942057558016,0.0,0.09705572696944467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829492737706032,0.06412292259316105,0.08076122217786078,0.0,0.20305883184510176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994459539652178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983775715544174,0.0,0.0,0.11850662492722402,0.0,0.0913255684672309,0.0,0.0,0.07898842097285637,0.08798191713889032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898852407311278,0.0,0.0,0.0925596852498304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546694217922036,0.0,0.07386493982857198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061448164904677714,0.05926570792632688,0.0,0.0,0.10786669359280543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035211182619103,0.0,0.0,0.07988415825817195,0.0,0.0,0.21821880698377655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316221425435917,0.0,0.0,0.206530012663858,0.0,0.08915984340815655,0.0,0.06733592404336194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059562387368579266
suicidewatch,blacklorry,2018/02/16,I would rather I could be an orphan sometimes～ In a broken family make me sooo tired，I wanted to die sooo many times，but I feel I been trapped in a responsible constraint. If I‘m not someone’s daughter，I’ve died already～,2.367857142857144,5.311799595238097,2.592380952380953,88.94428571428574,88.76190476190477,4.704761904761905,28.42857142857143,6.42735559955562,1.5046857142857148,181,9,32,2,6,55,35,42,0.238,0.642,0.12,-0.7332,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,8,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641775136853626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6867939722529697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119203881013352,0.0,0.1673008164768932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208622585880272,0.33545626913169285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035010939661353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515920153256236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350447737836445,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vuvux,2018/02/16,"I wrote this 4 years ago, it made no sense 2 years ago, now it makes sense again. 4 years ago I went through a relationship breakdown and wrote this on my phone. I read it 2 years ago and it made no real sense to me. Now I’m currently going through relationship problems again, it makes perfect sense again. So much so it’s scary enough for me to post it here for thoughts.


To those that it will matter most (in my mind)....

I'm nothing like you think I am, and it seems I'm nothing like I thought I was. And worse, I'm not who I thought I could be. I have a constant expectancy of the worst happening to the point it makes me jump up and want to run away. My eyes are always on the lookout for something, yet my head is always down. If ever my gaze is up with the world, brimming with confidence, I feel a fraud. I've had enough of riding along, I'm not living, I haven't lived for a long time. Riding along causes problems, obviously as for life has had its share of ups and downs for others by my doing of not doing. I'm never taking control of the situation fully, I'm merely riding along, but I'm seen as the confident guy making things happen. I merely let them. And in turn its caused pain and regret, in me, and those that matter most. I suppose not taking control is a conscious choice in way, but even that feels out of my control. I certainly have a condition which no-one seems to recognise. Even now when having a day that my depression is rife, those with the knowledge of my illness still ask, what's up? And why? .... 
My mum and my kids seem to invade my thoughts mostly when regret is kicking my brains in. My poor kids, I went from the best dad ever to someone who doesn't deserve their time. But then a major reason things went the way they did was due to my illness and them not giving me any of their time in the first place. The picture of me in their memories now will forever be a darker one and not a true portrayal of who I am, or what I used to be, or how riddled with love I am for them. They'll never know how I've cried inside every day throughout this self inflicted travesty. 
It comes to my mind quite blatant and clear that I shall probably not last another year on this earth. I will most certainly at some point take my own life. It's getting too much, outside my skin is chaos, changed beyond my true longings and inside my skin is of course a shell of man destroyed by his inability to be a man by others standards. To not do what is expected is just the start, but duties of the heart to be respected were abandoned. It's hell in here, a constant battle. On that note, never a truer word said when I say, I love you more than you will ever know. Find comfort in the fact, my last act is for you all.

Open your eyes, your mind and then your mouth.",3.4524119241192395,4.490270485008821,4.267259431324472,89.09987998451416,72.54497354497354,7.154282272981463,25.116746246827546,7.407850130929222,0.992879760829354,2163,64,467,23,41,695,257,567,0.154,0.763,0.08199999999999999,-0.9923,1,0,1,0,0,0,72.0,0,7,8,7,26,25,3,0,28,0,42,15,8,15,16,113,91,34,0,9,16,2,4,2,0,6,5,2,0,6,39,26,0,5,16,1,1,11,15,11,0,2,19,9,65,14,74,59,15,86,1,4,3,2,39,28,1,11,46,326,104,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035212886542746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749983393994873,0.0,0.0,0.048014557444804096,0.07403663400426938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600715623564632,0.0,0.06633673893862714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409672778010397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881973916457596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450637926166722,0.07469187350000857,0.06082088838544161,0.0,0.15260018432986575,0.2375721766294736,0.05637321179378758,0.0,0.07755746647697567,0.09107016453577214,0.0,0.060812915598612224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459099153194895,0.0,0.09326930348784704,0.19160173232204006,0.059488669918699236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140111381136109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453268048175652,0.060057497904331784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03688876406987232,0.06773178825433859,0.04012706393549752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991112257908748,0.12487345156285926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072462210740356,0.0,0.0,0.08366854799472011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760651312394685,0.11510676219293525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219950330388772,0.09974232860979768,0.06898913114558583,0.0,0.1246929292348917,0.12496832275132505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744949262574776,0.13361836533297575,0.18852043396041693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387604808875335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380718969885597,0.0,0.16336729119397386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354968812795414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784450896028256,0.0,0.07512985012785417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376832871827206,0.0,0.1334911401726714,0.0,0.06762110993513706,0.0,0.07612529910292695,0.13512097123319294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509826006202826,0.07062518974264234,0.08036517978989094,0.0,0.07259481247693551,0.0,0.15160901853479408,0.0,0.0,0.06716255331020644,0.05614879091065958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283137782582224,0.07365754290593941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936419527181775,0.0,0.0,0.05982430477504521,0.05435601198966777,0.0,0.0,0.04997534876657663,0.0,0.056386108876897635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926096154146313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938150880415522,0.04524152686722481,0.0,0.22421337165900948,0.1235129239236626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679914296744729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098098577672241,0.0,0.0,0.041645296936986015,0.11208764406309332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635763819923016,0.06371100759371108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195363035225921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22734001184642896
suicidewatch,nilinilin,2018/02/16,"I'm so ready to overdose I need it. I'm not depressed, I am empty and blank. I feel nothing and I don't care about life.",-3.154285714285713,-1.7647364285714264,0.07971428571428517,104.46528571428571,109.71428571428572,2.24,16.314285714285713,3.1291,-1.3518942857142855,92,3,24,0,5,32,21,28,0.0,0.647,0.353,0.807,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093753503591149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303046243937389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526126987783618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528821536191509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704469632405808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793795366624934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,audienceno2,2018/02/16,"My Best Friend Tried to Kill Herself My best friend tried to kill herself. I should have saw it coming; i, did see it coming, i was too stupid to read the blatantly obvious clues she was leaving me. I let her move in with me to help her get out of a very bad living situation she was in. She has BPD, anxiety with borderline AFIB, PTSD, and frequent blackouts. Her fiance died last year, she was raped 4 weeks ago. She has a very shitty support system that frequently abuses her. I think i talked her out of 3 attempts to kill herself. She needed to get away from her creep housemate so i let her stay with me. I also admittedly was pretty depressed and lonely so i thought i had the better end of the deal. Tried to OD on some of her meds when i was taking a nap. She would be dead if i hadn't woken up from that suicide note message she sent me. I talked to her for almost an hour before she told me she took a handful of pills before i went to her room. It was so surreal walking with her to the ambulance, she just acted so normal like nothing happened at all. She's at an ER right now and i just.. i can't see her. I can barely pull off a smile when i'm around anyone and with her i'm just empty. I just really want to hug her and tell her it will get better. I just can't fake it. I hope she goes impatient, i can't take care of her and i'm afraid of her being alone again. I wish i could be sleeping with her right now. ",1.633677485305391,3.2094492358803985,3.273172757475084,92.21532008688988,78.2358803986711,6.092563250702788,20.879248658318428,6.8449194561589275,0.26923296703296673,1104,28,249,11,26,366,156,301,0.19,0.6779999999999999,0.132,-0.9706,0,3,0,0,1,2,30.0,0,0,0,5,17,21,5,1,11,0,26,5,2,0,3,39,54,14,7,9,6,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,7,17,0,0,3,2,0,9,4,10,1,0,17,4,64,11,38,28,4,38,0,2,3,2,45,14,0,4,14,173,71,1,0.0,0.12193173697156245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122366657351284,0.0,0.10304968133561046,0.10658391185226301,0.0,0.08229723489187578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872600709987539,0.0,0.0,0.07195719162165537,0.0,0.0,0.0916118796789394,0.0,0.0,0.09668750302921304,0.0,0.08592570291486777,0.0,0.0,0.17513796937108014,0.0,0.21599577266894945,0.18203138509709252,0.0,0.0,0.12961177094219994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492378854992468,0.0,0.0,0.17729601798627442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216540597693581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060958782611622,0.0886363884512919,0.0,0.10680452087963672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114787536772136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590163017527801,0.0,0.16129896697437135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100313355335787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897852534452954,0.0,0.0,0.10221303042047536,0.10134579900984136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34156460494957497,0.0,0.0,0.08388553308679315,0.0,0.1089670230543339,0.0,0.21046526573640434,0.0,0.05027671644209748,0.0,0.09087157558554496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143100121050222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937723654000382,0.0,0.07630659554415734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083012787983686,0.09874509456430408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469665137039398,0.0,0.0,0.12029649497598953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293803036501507,0.0,0.0659268973760213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576946526219672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401218151279015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567535567062262,0.10298450191067038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968856074602493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125670354624644,0.1167812543214321,0.0,0.0,0.1547512981780417,0.16543061129537232,0.08994803450080058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594068891550414,0.0,0.08169918885946068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833508845466757,0.11433699810137632,0.20960777392375105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982335457601164,0.060699091305537176,0.0,0.0825483400793701,0.0,0.0,0.09539876917857876,0.0,0.0,0.11834162984734435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310444023518058,0.0,0.0,0.06627078278417957
suicidewatch,Sweetlady6,2018/02/16,"I keep contemplating it more than ever. I feel like its the right thing to do am I wrong? im 23f, i live in california. i have bf of 7 years 24m. he is irresponsible i kept thinking hell catch up soon on his maturity. Im in debt becuase of medical issues about 10k. im so in debt. eveytime me and him fight i just cant stand it. any time im having a bad day. I contemplate suicide. its beginning to be more and more often. I cant take this. I think I should really just end my life. I dont know what to do? 
",-1.5326253687315656,0.4088697787610656,2.176318584070799,92.87716224188792,94.57522123893808,5.8451917404129805,17.267846607669618,7.3011,0.21006005899705027,387,11,97,8,15,142,77,113,0.239,0.738,0.023,-0.9752,2,0,0,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,1,13,19,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,4,0,2,1,3,4,0,0,1,1,16,1,12,16,3,15,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,8,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391796650850293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398705107555487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080352345789727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632981749251588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483712026725863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152959773866315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470212082224081,0.1196748738371655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.723792631021524,0.17484524193997794,0.0,0.14889767195354645,0.0,0.0,0.09206349733680796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832289887408524,0.08184082025881545,0.0,0.14792143979205505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875673465351193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731630345402957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430594341824068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323747389034767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595266830515295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129149810237723,0.2146775068531543,0.0,0.0,0.09768107757095576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315460675879985,0.0,0.10787608272901708
suicidewatch,Valorex,2018/02/16,"Using drugs to avoid suicide. I feel like I'm avoiding the inevitable. I'm still thinking of suicide often, but not nearly to the same degree. I mean, days ago I was so ready to kill myself. Everything was ready. And these drugs I got were supposed to make it easier to kill myself, but now I'm using them to keep myself alive. That's kind of messed up, I must admit. I can't even think straight anymore. I was off them for a few weeks too. 

I know it's a matter of time before my loved ones find out what I'm doing. They'll end up trying to get me off the drugs, which will really push me over the edge. If it's the only thing that keeps me from killing myself, I don't think I should stop. No one's getting hurt by it. I figure they'd rather me alive and on drugs than dead and six feet under. Just my thoughts though.. Kind of stuck at a stand still.",1.1864509803921557,3.029627122222226,2.3716339869281065,96.91794117647059,80.55555555555556,4.901960784313727,17.254901960784313,5.5289334501034215,-0.6788137254901958,662,12,152,3,17,211,113,180,0.235,0.614,0.15,-0.9689,0,2,4,0,0,5,23.0,0,0,4,0,11,11,3,2,8,0,12,6,1,3,1,33,34,8,6,4,6,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,10,4,0,5,10,0,0,1,4,7,0,3,7,1,25,4,25,22,2,22,0,1,0,1,6,11,0,2,10,101,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342629128043047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571130411422854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992827372260867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524640918309547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412287701290341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033403617884344,0.0,0.0,0.07706344015346682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486092338766337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058994923895938176,0.08335340373703766,0.0,0.0,0.10663980911783337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191685606848665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331650728070023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490414011698295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074140940016537,0.3872543348620147,0.2430003330008248,0.06412211366439323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700203154160222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530470347978728,0.0,0.07788217900708982,0.0,0.0,0.12709443891740993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812544170711704,0.08873740461879914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474567453099093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635531153024454,0.09754641426626637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552493543752342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775143927575744,0.22428393272850752,0.11463364089922815,0.09262776230929233,0.06803475144932407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921538892545482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154131626022875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359050108871544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xhanon,2018/02/16,"How to deal with loneliness ? I'm a 24 years old guy, I had friends during elementary school I loved to play with but when I entered middle school they went to other schools and we stopped seeing each other, I got a bit bullied during middle and high school and it caused me to have no friends and hate people and I learnt to live my life alone and to keep my thoughts and such to myself since I had no one to talk to, but since like 4 years I started to feel the loneliness and it made me depressed in a way, I still have no friends, idk I must be a monster or very very very different from the rest of the people, I'm sure I must lack social skills or something since I haven't had a ""friend"" for like idk 12 years, like someone with who I could hang out, laugh etcc. Idk why I'm posting this honestly maybe some people could relate to what I'm saying or something.
Anyway have a nice day ",4.185655737704916,4.718149491803281,4.414330601092897,90.57592213114755,70.47540983606558,7.192896174863389,26.17896174863388,6.816661863887847,0.8691715846994539,699,20,154,5,12,218,103,183,0.194,0.618,0.188,0.2023,1,1,2,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,1,5,15,1,0,9,0,12,2,0,3,3,33,26,15,0,5,5,0,1,3,4,2,1,1,0,1,7,14,0,2,2,1,0,3,4,2,0,1,7,3,19,13,19,14,5,19,0,1,1,1,13,5,0,4,12,92,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154018839041689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164638516188632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446336295909525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792633947668207,0.0,0.0,0.07185940137073568,0.11487347398898755,0.09596951389736057,0.0,0.0,0.11641459019726445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633943149046133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34434429126941435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911612426424573,0.0,0.0,0.1103274918475858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000834499085088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772580172972145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903896274003694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870221890735593,0.16330873092674625,0.0,0.09838962404051896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056470515646,0.105432287225004,0.0,0.0,0.11194060132063556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692097103375602,0.0,0.07550393238637962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317425650979386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671359834987383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860900873733976,0.0,0.4510690206498322,0.08879067394356767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765137884965643,0.0,0.0,0.11358295614446608,0.0944093765607853,0.17155961021433286,0.0,0.0,0.07886663352297593,0.0,0.08898352276342761,0.09315563375229396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050160048498512,0.0,0.0,0.08955856407938223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845838123198957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758099422569838,0.0,0.08844335622415804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329136446602663,0.10054302393649796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152606255913821
suicidewatch,TheREALbalrog6,2018/02/16,"I tried to get better Hey, guys. I've posted here several times in the past and I would like to say I got better.

Well, I did, but not for long. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I finally talked to my doctor about hormonal therapy. I'm taking medication, every day since November.

Sadly, though, no matter how much my psychiatrist kicks up the dosage on my antidepressants, my depression just seems to get worse.

I'm still so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of waking up. I'm tired of existing. I'm so tired of trying to open up to people, only to have them leave me alone or beat me with degrading comments. I'm so tired. All of the time. Fuck. These thoughts keep coming back and I don't know if I can keep fighting. I'm so exhausted and I don't know if I can do this anymore.

I tried so hard to get better. To keep my depression at bay, but nothing I do is helping. It only gets worse and I'm so tired",0.8479331837447006,3.080243062827228,3.2168287210172046,88.19914485165798,84.34031413612566,6.77945649463974,20.613562702567943,7.957251820313856,1.0227395163300923,719,22,154,15,21,247,105,191,0.36,0.589,0.052000000000000005,-0.9978,0,1,0,0,4,0,27.0,0,0,1,4,15,13,3,0,5,0,11,11,1,1,1,27,35,20,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,9,1,0,1,3,9,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,4,3,19,5,23,30,2,17,0,3,1,1,9,7,1,4,9,90,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825377566182007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940827391399365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294699643182594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25170690253231265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171966516439864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118147522908756,0.0,0.16341790566738834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971005663681932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799296806719315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392234553135367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770316819567699,0.19825671923858576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587394057259207,0.0,0.0,0.09393341136723314,0.0,0.0,0.08498234876454441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358746303174534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529668935453336,0.0,0.0,0.10427302914213094,0.0,0.0,0.10045063323024936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634730638486978,0.0,0.0,0.08395445843108787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556869128097488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973828407509973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102760632837804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430151236501146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056144635025676,0.06576894943741625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085652328727108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544217972493884,0.0,0.0,0.07559685044446622,0.08636350683365873,0.0,0.10717289703390448,0.0,0.07847510174358001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576104295192045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132830401100494,0.07625063617642103,0.0,0.0,0.1084888744241078,0.11014809399569443,0.0,0.0,0.09320651094500146,0.07531393466845891,0.11063561718634334,0.6542151249153724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322573959027067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529697716837799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933554979495172,0.06739091431272007,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doublevanv,2018/02/16,"I can't keep going I've been having a really rough go of it for a good time now. I've managed to find people or things to keep me going. I had been seeing this girl who had been at least numbing the feelings. In the middle of driving 10 hours and spending over 1500$ with her on a road trip, she says she doesn't see this going anywhere. After all the time and effort I put into trying to be better for her and it ends like this. All the feelings from before are flooding back in, and now I have to deal with this. I just can't keep going. I'm so tired of having to pretend to be happy, I want it to end",2.6381060606060602,3.0731702348484866,4.343636363636366,90.0437878787879,73.92424242424242,6.16969696969697,21.484848484848484,5.033348758259628,-0.017733333333333157,469,9,106,1,9,159,80,132,0.056,0.84,0.103,0.7235,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,7,0,14,2,0,0,2,18,28,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,7,0,3,3,1,1,8,3,1,0,0,5,6,11,4,22,21,3,25,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,1,10,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925243861492747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303398482490035,0.0,0.0,0.14866379042266356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329556001689478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29775939207209645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998481881219932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363312158040165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776530314752424,0.14098766686488162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893715146438746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553684537619973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44822390885050856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212130267866698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653388783282533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689789740190878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768409469056796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367357370206534,0.0,0.0,0.2678952595584104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116729130075302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960316944970686,0.19319712579052167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412349270407685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914506758138847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redemerald26,2018/02/16,Who do you tell when you want to end your life? Seriously. People care after it happens but I honestly think if I told anyone in my life they would feel super burdened and judge me.,1.779166666666665,4.2677952500000025,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,82.6111111111111,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6025777777777783,143,4,28,2,4,47,33,36,0.108,0.615,0.277,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,3,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615283491599906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34434431858419895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299133813863015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076944843370348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986587926869171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771057910157735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341435886816788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951961140197356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640756500874767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32272118167681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920541874391054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23991793478067874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PokemonPlayer4000,2018/02/16,"I am trying to end this suffering A few months ago, everything was great. Somethings in my life are still good. I have a job and a home. But my girlfriend of three years now hangs out with others most all nights and doesn't want to seemingly be near me. I have given up everything for her. I gave up family relationships for her. I am now stuck in a life where I worry about her at night, not being able to sleep before going to work. Today I tried killing my brain by overloading it with sugar. I ate nothing today but ice cream, whip topping, and chocolate syrup. My brain feels like it wants to explode, and I almost enjoy it. I keep passing in and out, and it almost feels great because I know this is working. I don't want to hurt anymore.",3.2265990990991007,4.8826153986486505,4.04972972972973,87.99504504504505,74.06756756756756,6.825225225225225,23.819819819819823,7.492282038375204,0.9849711711711708,581,17,118,7,12,186,96,148,0.073,0.7879999999999999,0.14,0.9327,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,1,0,4,0,11,7,3,0,1,25,24,8,1,3,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,7,10,2,1,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,5,4,20,5,22,17,3,25,0,2,1,0,6,11,0,4,12,81,27,3,0.1357036659720852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029311199358142,0.0,0.2717752382342138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458157198149434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272369522069377,0.0,0.11547382469496642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30298034224349074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019316906924113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392340950563085,0.0,0.12792933896149555,0.0,0.13723170190884884,0.09694672608533222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712352066414556,0.11382179660056192,0.0,0.29922754162049964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361218415706091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527358111309507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466494905812731,0.12061965352280347,0.1501360002272797,0.0,0.07457918586079562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170302502054595,0.0662979565370245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831737149042574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25469739539271713,0.0,0.13021132744832636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569495157475748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235395208277326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358016695367129,0.0,0.0,0.10447131194657908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837312294087877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572624158567192,0.0,0.0,0.1842677627449233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24012461445325245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758777010107853,0.13781366000735548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738871166656549
suicidewatch,wtfislifeplzkillme,2018/02/16,"All I wanted was to help. its not fair and god does not exist someone kill me right now. please. just do. 

or get me financial help to where I can just leave.

I cannot be here right now.

I want to kill myself. but I don't want to cause further damage to anyone else.


someone please kill me or help me, honestly the only thing that can help right now is money and I cant just go around begging. but I need to die. I have to. just kill me now please. I don't know if I'm a good person or not, but I damn well tried to be.


there is no god. I went to hell, and I came back, I'm not sure what happens after you die. but I don't care at this point. I just want the suffering to end....


the only thing that can help me right now is money(just to get away so I can live a normal life) or death..... idk what else to say",-1.5141705125091107,0.402111189944133,0.7614185086227856,103.46526111246055,93.52513966480448,3.783434539713384,12.810541656546027,5.192301501255418,-1.5019601165897498,609,9,159,3,23,202,88,179,0.202,0.562,0.236,0.6569,0,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,1,0,0,17,13,6,0,5,0,17,1,0,1,2,33,32,13,7,7,18,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,10,8,1,0,3,1,23,5,16,27,1,21,1,2,0,0,8,10,2,5,8,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207249237615708,0.10561260005322427,0.0,0.09175867416341346,0.0,0.0,0.09684243044923757,0.0792583738827616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789043171940505,0.10509191339905154,0.10588650024068727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139513186481872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020169689990484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221200565150407,0.0,0.09129392635392973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770494980466327,0.0,0.05857994318805373,0.08645448653024082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114895261222128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34544526613487336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561492155989922,0.0,0.05664736818436983,0.0,0.0,0.10914162658861344,0.0,0.0,0.07280497711966089,0.0,0.0,0.09101718384222712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642886557501066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099169324334044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567864857816702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000118384650964,0.0,0.3394364540998439,0.0974392671738176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521022196552326,0.0,0.08196944054794482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746703611617484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714704282088553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695700578767614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998121312429688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431854104790506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267687551466004,0.09555163159325802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bnhjt123,2018/02/16,"I've pretty much lost all hope and I don't see a point I have a plan to kill myself on February 24th, which is my 19th birthday. I originally had plans to kill myself on my 20th but due to how shitty the past year was, I moved it to this year.
The first ten years of my life were pretty shitty. I lived with an abusive uncle who was schitzophrenic, he tried to kill my father and he molested me during a family get together. Because of him I ended up having a fear of men. Fast forward to 2013. It's my first month of high school and I start dating a boy. He seems fine for the first few weeks but ended up being a monster. He sexually abused me whenever he could. He would put me in a choke hold and pin me down and groap me. He would berate me and pretty much tell me I was never going to be anything of worth. We broke up two months after and I fell into a deep depression. He would spread rumours about me pretty much saying I cheated and that I was actually male. I also witnessed him sexually assault one of my best friends at the time who told me not to do anything and I've held a guilt ever since. From my relationship with him, I became tramatized and it's pretty much fucked up my whole life. I am now homeschooled because I was too terrified to go to school out of fear. I developed body image issues and I am terrified to go outside alone. I started self harming and now the entire left side of my body is covered in scars. That same grade I met my current boyfriend who was the first person I ever told about any of this. He was extremely supportive and still is to this day. From my last relationship I also became extremely needy and terrified of abandonment. I remember during the first year of my relationship with my current bf, I couldn't even spend even an hour without talking to him cuz I would have a panic attack and barely function.  He has anger issues and doesn't really know how to keep his cool and I also get really defensive and tend to insult him. We constantly argue and at this point I feel like he doesn't even love me and would prefer if I just died. He says he loves me but I just don't see how anyone could. I've done some pretty shitty things in 2017 that I regret strongly and they haunt me. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety,PTSD, and BPD and I honestly cannot deal with my brain and the stress it causes me. I see nothing for me in the future. I feel as if the world around me gets worse every day and ive lost so much hope. I feel like I'm only good for sex. I plan to drop hang myself from a bridge near my house that's really important to me. Sorry if this whole thing is written stupid and if I seem like an attention whore. I just needed to write ",3.599909090909094,4.711546763636363,4.833590909090908,84.89838636363636,72.27272727272727,7.9,24.113636363636363,8.317959484511023,1.3250545454545453,2120,57,438,33,40,702,261,550,0.263,0.62,0.117,-0.9988,2,1,0,0,1,3,39.0,2,0,1,12,22,41,13,5,24,1,38,11,3,6,4,87,72,42,4,17,12,1,3,3,2,5,3,2,0,5,19,36,0,5,9,0,2,8,9,26,0,8,18,9,80,15,62,44,12,70,0,6,3,5,50,25,1,9,41,297,99,3,0.0,0.1448249779260623,0.059640418628043285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329776424360062,0.0,0.14662337537320105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415609888000806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042733741628966385,0.0,0.10058655272584456,0.05440621441881795,0.0,0.06952829481238565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451151606764167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413749157079389,0.0,0.0,0.1357722393776674,0.07697348668968698,0.06822568968609144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278298688027538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066044704870128,0.0,0.09759233651917026,0.0,0.0,0.07882955273812096,0.06300793217930863,0.05263913776565855,0.062031472985726276,0.06342877893392336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254290664990349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826130559606817,0.0,0.0,0.12109966280869712,0.11056587661310176,0.05149288207154562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761474369660244,0.13754502568475047,0.09270628688513677,0.0873225926276738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599262734673927,0.0,0.0,0.04721808481372145,0.056500774921609535,0.09579179265283556,0.0,0.1042009263578334,0.05126121725839584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645724297660931,0.0,0.12140399408772233,0.06018696800785575,0.07051968054005364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757849116754402,0.0,0.0543227259587496,0.20284746039369292,0.0,0.03358776581941297,0.04981771267821837,0.0,0.0,0.0664027336622608,0.0,0.08633610352466872,0.08957459964610998,0.0,0.053966564633424384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343070895738035,0.0,0.1103191868775178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756444685747782,0.06495665632654019,0.22463653098342104,0.045316753823793014,0.04713644167478074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864246871147901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141379629145872,0.04648148657978154,0.0,0.07170648032591799,0.0,0.0,0.058342155729141476,0.0,0.0533641505933296,0.0,0.0,0.11554878513676202,0.0,0.0,0.37306177867013257,0.0,0.0,0.07144135588564438,0.06143847963378779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174574605556902,0.0,0.0,0.1968471977032974,0.06923253587516116,0.0,0.0,0.09720382293885,0.0,0.12370534847764934,0.146104663706638,0.11127545700886003,0.06375733691337983,0.0,0.0,0.05055580262131256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841437982995892,0.08651646587622891,0.0,0.048807331864025465,0.0,0.0700081934813548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935373430800783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491227411833209,0.05341809456101365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120553496417704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03563724226593596,0.0,0.0,0.11679795079213925,0.0,0.04149376526244105,0.0,0.059701470234064365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902358412484554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364677056714686,0.0,0.05891366155940684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228244483213492,0.2170753326065224,0.0,0.0,0.15742685033840031
suicidewatch,AngelaE_R,2018/02/16,"i think about suicide everyday. I think about committing suicide at least once a day everyday. Ive come close to doing it a couples of times but changed my mind at the every last second. I am pissed off that my ex husband recently died and now if I die my children will be orphans, so i can die but i really want to. I have no real friends I can talk to without judgement. The few family members that know about how I feel just ask ""why can't you just be happy? You have a good life."" 
I am not good at anything and can't find a job that Im good at or Im happy with. I am just a world class screw up. I am in constant worry about bills and other responsibilities. I have gone to so many doctors but nothing has helped, I have been struggling with this ever since I was small and I am 36 now. I envy people in crowds, watching them smile and laugh. Whats it like to be happy, i would do anything to feel happy. I am fearful of what will happen to my 3 kids if I do succeed at killing myself, but Im also worried what will happen to them if i stay alive. I am destin to screw up their lives like I screw everything else up.",2.0768421052631574,3.3866736329113927,3.862922496113704,89.58433710859427,76.38396624472573,6.339684654674661,24.288030202087498,6.8360192770164,0.7469713080168772,869,28,192,8,19,293,129,237,0.201,0.586,0.213,0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,2,3,1,14,19,5,2,7,0,29,6,1,1,2,35,40,17,6,5,13,2,2,2,1,4,2,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,7,0,1,3,3,34,12,29,30,2,27,0,0,1,3,14,14,4,4,12,136,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181583217585868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683818660432369,0.0,0.09564435827720144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822851213172363,0.0881294570350444,0.0,0.11055882070655418,0.0,0.0,0.1132020795790594,0.0,0.06598032654313292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185392838796573,0.0,0.0,0.10471677991593413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546537486862145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092543625963418,0.08619907270093186,0.0,0.09194801508597186,0.0,0.09644706764808043,0.11512517062239727,0.10346020189667073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350784315795252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904306307814653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25743379757159285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094161029980815,0.4356359337659171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857503123575008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33153124300436626,0.0,0.10152510406970584,0.0,0.11318886729095767,0.0,0.05622591222815485,0.08339483952320524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226330868505138,0.09996523941987147,0.0,0.09034001673848152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372445891996686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330211922923628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981674790857394,0.0,0.0,0.10895489615068887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092762546229697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164491319910106,0.06554125395194885,0.0,0.10101700692079753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463040191756109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109046930791768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695474622177976,0.0,0.2238171353881074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223145740117706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110992963395354,0.0,0.0,0.059656735326524477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034402825326516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231723928145284,0.0,0.0,0.09862145585056728,0.0,0.0,0.20779789057707146,0.0,0.07267681133454541,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamthewallrus,2018/02/16,Fuck being a woman I fucking hate it so much. I hate the pressures. There is no fucking reward plus I have to deal with a god awful period even though I have no use for it. I hate the pressure to look good. It takes fucking 15 minutes every single morning just to put on makeup because I am so fucking hideous that I need the makeup to at least look halfway decent. Oh I also fucking hate how physically weak women are compared to men. Being so helpless is the most frustrating thing in the world. No matter how much I lift I can never be as strong as a man. Men don't fucking respect you and if you get married then for the rest of your life you have to take care of someone else. I'm sick of this fucking bullshit and I'm so done with this world. I want to breathe...and ironically I feel that the best way to do this is to stop breathing altogether.,2.479137931034483,4.255581741379313,3.921356321839081,87.60927586206898,76.41379310344827,5.7894252873563214,26.54252873563218,6.42735559955562,1.0215314942528733,669,26,135,5,15,221,104,174,0.284,0.625,0.091,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,3,11,23,13,2,10,1,15,12,1,3,1,17,39,15,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,9,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,17,0,0,1,3,16,6,22,35,7,11,0,1,2,8,10,5,8,2,4,98,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289017083540164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318507141509093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877599058933413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567974451422768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686027890917472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607160427642047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865876363409039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846092386546658,0.0,0.08733096849367174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240937836729994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7665940916169833,0.05415369846324092,0.0,0.0,0.08693806928732774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093381011245813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321221141111503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408252726247045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523917483009279,0.07685637006921478,0.07994252675708721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041985166365803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878236894959229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665740365513253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558662518835654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886153707239401,0.0,0.10183719992767856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952172833681063,0.0,0.0,0.061136416727487215,0.08227383908214578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlameSW,2018/02/16,"Feel like I'm slowly losing it In my mind I know that slowly, yet surely, my willpower and sanity is slipping away. I try meditation every night and it just doesn't seem to help enough. I don't trust my friends to help because none of them can, and I don't have a significant other...what do I do? I know I need to act now before it's too late.",0.8499034749034742,2.6155373108108115,3.2031274131274152,90.92662162162165,81.29729729729729,5.850193050193052,18.679536679536678,6.868970318607317,0.03308339768339773,267,6,61,3,7,92,51,74,0.196,0.7290000000000001,0.076,-0.7625,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,11,14,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,11,4,6,14,2,7,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385277028436268,0.0,0.0,0.15476229830340615,0.0,0.2160323527134592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623249008024437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390402977237086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283688641497515,0.1813712274570096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614630631385505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403395202170098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790505472131355,0.0,0.2863866003966435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403246855832595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840256912235758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256345444269735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882480814657741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382482683934056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311219309484935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392779782025772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723671941246722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brickformyyshitty,2018/02/16,"Life is fine, but I wanna die. And I don’t know why At school my life is fine. I’m fairly social, i get good grades and I have amazing friends. My life outside school is just as amazing. I’m excelling in everything i do (so I’m told) people always complement me on how talented I am in guitar and piano as well as in dance. I seem to be doing just fine. But as soon as I step foot in my room. Or when ever I’m all alone, I break down and cry, Every day. People don’t see it during the day but, my mind is constantly running with different reasons i should kill my self. I unfortunately do have certain way and time where I am planning to do it. I am extremely scared for the future. I feel I’m an inconvenience to my friends & family especially my parents. I feel guilty for wasting my parents money and time. I feel ungrateful cause I wanna die but I have no good reason to. It’s weird seeing people appreciate you and want to be you when all you want to do is get out of your skin and strip yourself of everything that you are. I used to ease this pain by just writing suicide notes and reading it over and over till I forgot what I was doing ten minutes ago. Now to cope with my confusion i drink, it puts me at ease and i feel less pressure. I also been recently punching walls until my whole fist is in pain and turns purple. Wearing hoodies and makeup to cover them. 

To the few people I opened up to about this. They just told me to stay alive, your family and friends while miss you. It’s so hard to make a human being, you are special, for you to be exactly who you are now with the exact DNA makeup, on the day you were born is one in three hundred trillion (something like that)  . You matter. 
But what does  even fucking matter if i stay alive just one more day. No one knows what the fuck they’re doing they’re just bullshiting their way through life. We all try to find purpose in success in our passion (kids,arts, money...). But there is no use of it. What if I kill myself today and people empathize with me, but if I hadn’t the universe would kill me off (naturally) the next day. So I live one more day. What is it worth If I stayed alive just one more day. If i die my family and friends would be sad. But they’re strong people, at least stronger than me. They would get over me easily. We’re all gonna die, what difference does I make if I just end it earlier. 

I don’t know what I should do? What am I doing? What I want to get help but, for some weird reason I can’t. I feel like I’m fine and I’m complaining for no reason. Sometimes maybe this all just a test The universe gave me to go through alone. Like I always do.",1.5897543632837738,3.4903746959706967,3.1515944839474272,91.53556237879768,79.51282051282051,6.040594699418229,21.511743158801984,7.048011613610866,0.4840162034044386,2048,59,448,24,51,674,234,546,0.189,0.625,0.18600000000000005,-0.9043,3,2,2,0,0,5,69.0,2,12,4,4,25,38,5,3,12,0,47,13,3,10,9,95,86,48,8,16,25,2,7,3,4,6,6,0,1,2,24,24,1,1,14,4,3,5,9,15,1,8,8,10,78,23,63,67,13,61,0,2,3,3,34,24,2,10,29,307,102,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752576933062122,0.0,0.0,0.1344239221655842,0.0,0.051896749262132766,0.10799617920963027,0.07031403219588367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666653510006893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012876657652742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071284441584599,0.2929647062487601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940430975281315,0.13560355587098122,0.0,0.0,0.11358063154455456,0.0,0.0,0.06357268969148375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747797529223826,0.0,0.0,0.04286273468002878,0.05870151564441627,0.054677090529045465,0.0,0.1166474252516494,0.0,0.183532544509544,0.0,0.164065071931929,0.04636121644638568,0.0,0.0,0.05931313000618721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005517962176476,0.119989321283579,0.13562046657351862,0.0,0.03688149542533877,0.1088622001297993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058133443518205215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349795274385468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539110862201535,0.0,0.10699428184024136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334988287446846,0.09511369915454317,0.0,0.05730374027042216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663623550766758,0.0,0.0651960530020005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552575506857093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901688949753343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987367941780145,0.0,0.1381063527723305,0.0,0.14411710522303284,0.0,0.0,0.26994138639059745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523770233400528,0.0,0.0,0.06491286321356544,0.0,0.0,0.2668927134639337,0.06407628132549444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497151800183319,0.13135501967517904,0.10342630674150312,0.059078245300785134,0.06769995273249776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615258754692263,0.0,0.0499595736872029,0.06418311267401751,0.0,0.0,0.2075092708074433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098492704223068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568194450148467,0.0,0.06151315793044593,0.12402048345625075,0.0,0.044059649962749727,0.07058745301118742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209740894933737,0.0,0.0,0.11483079083014501,0.10302173960185904,0.0,0.0,0.0583486697717671,0.0,0.058557915896570674,0.07245328671759514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829928100810085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alvvays2018,2018/02/16,"I feel like I just missed out on my future. I'm a high school freshmen. I believe I have had issues with depression and social anxiety (I have never got an official diagnosis, as I never talk to anyone about this kind of stuff) pretty much since the fifth grade. But I have never felt as hopeless and close to actually doing it in my whole life as of right now. 

Last year, I actually ""came out of my shell"" if you will, and have some friends who I like to sit with and play xbox with and whatever. I got in a group chat with a girl I knew, and we started talking. I kind of had a crush on this girl. In my mind, chatting over Instagram is NOT a good way to get to know people, but I was hoping that maybe I could eventually build up the nerve to talk to her at lunch. But then she asked me to go to homecoming with her. I should have just said no, but naive, stupid me thought that I could just change my entire personality over one week. I sat with her at lunch from then on leading up to homecoming, only having one really awkward ""conversation"" with her, stumbling over my words and looking down. 

Oh, and that's the other thing. I have a huge problem with making eye contact. It just makes me so uncomfortable, even with my close family. 

Anyway, homecoming night came, and, no surprise, it was a trainwreck. We just stood against a wall most of the time, talking. And when she asked me if I wanted to dance, I said no, and just stood awkwardly by the side while she danced with her friends. At the time, I didn't want to dance because I would just make a fool of myself, but now I think literally anything would be way better than just standing by the side. Hell, even if I looked like an idiot I could have passed it off as funny or something like that. If I could go back in time, this is the one thing I would change. 
After homecoming, I was so embarrassed I stopped speaking with or texting her. I hated myself so much, but I tried telling myself ""oh, whatever. We weren't even close to being together or anything like that, so I don't care."" No. I cared profusely, I was just lying to myself. First off, she is just so beautiful and has an amazing personality, and I just let her go, even though she had an interest in me (maybe), just because I can't get over this godforsaken anxiety and constant embarassment. And second, my failure with her represented the fact that I will NEVER get a girlfriend. 

My birthday is coming up. Maybe I'll end my life then. Make it nice and organized, a full 15 years, not a day more. The only two things holding me back are I have no quick, painless way of doing it available to me right now, and the thought of how my mom, dad, and brother would feel. It's unbearable. Maybe I'll just make it look accidental. Less awful to them that way. 

I just wish I could go back to when I was younger. Restart my life, relive some of my warmest, happiest memories, avoid mistakes. Or maybe I wish I had just never been born at all.

It is somewhat therapeautic to anonymously vent here. If you read the whole thing, thanks, I know there was a lot.",4.203544877955025,5.31442079173554,4.876382856044593,85.16112819527197,70.83471074380166,8.140303670959062,27.292907937728234,8.499448955792047,1.7324237939650202,2389,80,495,38,43,768,265,605,0.142,0.727,0.132,-0.5512,0,1,1,0,0,2,93.0,3,2,1,3,39,34,4,4,29,1,48,6,1,7,7,123,96,50,0,22,32,3,3,5,3,7,3,3,0,4,27,41,2,3,9,8,0,12,16,14,0,6,26,10,87,20,74,55,13,88,1,3,4,0,46,35,1,15,40,371,114,4,0.0,0.0,0.1233046779238763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666156220286944,0.0,0.0,0.04417532915810388,0.0,0.10397975712314496,0.0,0.11812527533468214,0.0,0.0,0.14573929550819895,0.0,0.07702510060870213,0.0,0.0,0.07117965318480013,0.0,0.05587555720663796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451695658352287,0.12882778750118165,0.0,0.13366729648151415,0.05442200964529945,0.0,0.06827266851845516,0.0,0.2522113337555568,0.0,0.0,0.040744401342476484,0.0,0.05441487566397745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595670572584099,0.0,0.0,0.1669131467419002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955832955736349,0.0,0.06388910467570776,0.04513417413526642,0.060660516563528374,0.0,0.0,0.05373893438564848,0.0,0.0,0.09762189592345616,0.0,0.09902324977355836,0.0,0.14362141155819869,0.05299047214484419,0.1010579844487024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062374916487325474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675072742804669,0.0,0.06274972885007529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594112317326728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157974183258878,0.0694416427955441,0.05149827212818693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460349675080593,0.13387287115686933,0.15432720814731649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591601134133531,0.0,0.0,0.053711436316363666,0.0,0.0,0.21085808567755254,0.0,0.3173525453680965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379148491562628,0.07399297938031278,0.0,0.0,0.09288578363473618,0.0,0.2436327532941525,0.0,0.0,0.05928800826824901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284325696597867,0.09609900238775336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043799474623931765,0.1103286924028692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427445168172062,0.0,0.06045254348418265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319481446928682,0.0,0.04047326370477488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790685140586674,0.12019295413402414,0.0,0.0,0.06393922319118821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052261260926770636,0.0,0.0,0.0644017270188352,0.0,0.04863729365534543,0.0,0.0,0.044717513748991085,0.0,0.0,0.05281940089278197,0.0,0.0,0.07232337160894885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031194253723514,0.05522010992437811,0.058165554247186925,0.0,0.0,0.1678898734236205,0.040481730485961334,0.062071786851415275,0.10031210163934803,0.11051830572572943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042893523211526126,0.0,0.06171545009353594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452770953370401,0.2005901264599315,0.05067735430302475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107133117035645,0.14530251483688078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951855193504518,0.0,0.0,0.08136875764827099
suicidewatch,corsica1990,2018/02/16,"What made you stay? To those that thought about it or came really close, what was it that made you back off? What made you decide that death wasn't worth the effort, or convinced you force yourself through another day? It can be grand, funny, tragic, or stupid. I just... need more reasons to keep living, because I'm scared that the reasons to leave will become too much.

For me, it's the fear that I can't take it back. What if I realize it was a terrible idea at the last second, but it's too late? I hate not being able to change my mind or undo a mistake.",3.584736842105265,4.456013921052634,4.1482017543859655,90.70282894736843,72.0701754385965,7.1035087719298255,23.899122807017545,7.1686216300943375,0.713038596491228,433,11,95,4,8,137,75,114,0.202,0.7490000000000001,0.048,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,0,1,6,9,2,2,6,0,8,0,0,5,0,24,18,6,1,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,1,6,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,8,0,10,2,9,7,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,5,5,65,27,0,0.16859068945761493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678203758931624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927166742139546,0.0,0.10277131949115664,0.18619517100816668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282283566737565,0.0,0.0,0.17834659511848605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087270475404088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897113966414861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664484024011496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031836746839734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985115106419553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742391340753374,0.19017764100174187,0.1785131975617511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488686675156884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478573760151393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702285365489923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393355504469718,0.12500786002795206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800351267787436,0.3466786150042133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878869103064245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969524325681302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675921710194638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384217566659182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ggggfrgft,2018/02/16,"This world is full of scum. It says it right in the fucking title. This world is corrupt, harsh, cold, and pointless. I would have no reason to even exist if it weren't for someone. One person. Compared to what I've seen, she's the best human being alive today. She's the only thing ridding myself of this endless feeling of misery and pointlessness. I can't let anyone I know about this. Because society is corrupt, and if they get remotely concerned, they'll take me away from her. I just know it. If she dies I WILL kill myself. She's is the kindest, sweetest, most charming person ever. ",2.4905263157894737,5.016770596491232,3.434298245614034,87.36092105263157,79.87719298245614,4.852631578947369,24.41228070175439,5.985473137389443,0.7759438596491233,464,17,83,3,12,148,78,114,0.113,0.784,0.103,-0.2748,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,1,4,4,2,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,1,14,19,6,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,10,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,4,15,2,10,12,3,8,0,0,1,1,11,6,1,4,2,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765306320001835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118354077221813,0.0,0.0,0.13744371899064656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661564905533844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400107064792214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892004979767884,0.2039494842833445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400382576871188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844231981616845,0.11779816889006806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494478779093013,0.0,0.2478235682450073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305571763765473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278352878102394,0.1714792213847704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937414083302669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318195308604837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254916701943026,0.0,0.17930188016434376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910390259829075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952451618891048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979148616395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371810759621687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016660290464174,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RavensAndWolves,2018/02/16,"Hard Night I am having a really hard time recently. I feel like a failure, I can't get anything done properly. I've been in college for four years and yet am still a year away from my AA. I am running in circles, not going any where, just making a deeper and deeper track that's trapping me. I almost did it last night. I was right there, ready to end it all when I thought of who would find me and how that would change their life forever. I just don't know what to do.     ",2.1226515151515173,3.4865432222222275,3.4200883838383858,92.58346590909092,76.37373737373737,6.566161616161617,22.476010101010104,7.1686216300943375,0.54450404040404,365,10,83,4,8,119,72,99,0.07200000000000001,0.873,0.056,-0.101,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,2,1,16,19,5,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,3,12,1,8,12,1,18,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,12,57,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248935176500046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751329666549186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664059117082577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899878734064199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139169099062384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693639696208724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910268094724355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224610064432413,0.1444626070300078,0.0,0.0,0.18482106485951774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564911616638528,0.0,0.11492358028334512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622902697552645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113220687971324,0.16483240896094348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283060340599213,0.09879215140973976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498024215107834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795306064260327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295442600164076,0.0,0.19966315292382236,0.0,0.0,0.17269070908191056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148935094768074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605363119755885,0.11791333193800604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872958076630086,0.0,0.0,0.26043996784860474
suicidewatch,Dbnddndn,2018/02/16,When I find a thing to hang myself with Im out Getting sick and tired of my shit situation im in and its only getting worse and worse.  ,2.7119999999999997,3.0021842000000016,4.813333333333336,87.27000000000002,73.66666666666666,7.333333333333332,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.8500000000000005,106,3,25,1,2,37,23,30,0.4320000000000001,0.568,0.0,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232855839580222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26621439135773023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503922332764646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937646271651556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615185020874214,0.0,0.28637298473681483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925835815377147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928214858076313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192662967488814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blackbird5543,2018/02/16,"What do I even put here? As I sit here doing my Algebra 2 homework. Obviously my mind has wandered. I can't help but feel like a piece of crap. 

As a Junior in highschool it currently sucks. Not only becauss of highschool itself, but more because of who I am. At school I'm kind of an outcast. I mean sure, I have friends, but I don't have any real friends. You know what I'm talking about... friends that will want to hang out everyonce in a while. The closest thing that I have to a true friend is a girl that I want to forget (partially) and a person on my ski team. 

I'm also really stupid. I'm in Algebra 2 hanging on with almost a D. All of my other ""friends"" are in IB classes doing way better than me, having fun, and still have free time. I only have about 2-3 hours of true ""free"" time.

During most of my ""free"" time I want to be alone. My parents force me to sit and talk with them, while simultaneously doing homework or having dinner. While it isnt a bad thing, I'm just getting more and more agitated about it. But my problem is that I'm stuck in this loop of wanting to be alone, and wanting to go out with friends. But I can't do either, it's driving me insane. 

Every truly free moment is taken up by homework, fantacizing about my death, or me remembering anything and everything that I've done, but not the fun memories... 

I've tried to commit suicide before but failed, my survival instinct kicked in. Very recently my skiing friend said ""... It would really suck to be a failed suicide."" This only contributes to my hurt.

I need something to take my stress and sadness away. I can't keep going on like this.",2.7824358100431748,4.438447527607367,4.285146557600548,85.84545898659398,75.25766871165645,6.792819813678711,25.877755055669173,7.526774132740827,1.325993774142241,1258,45,255,16,27,419,166,326,0.182,0.62,0.198,0.6632,2,2,1,0,0,3,57.0,0,1,1,5,10,31,4,1,12,0,29,2,1,0,6,49,54,22,3,8,13,1,1,2,7,2,0,1,3,2,20,12,1,1,4,3,4,6,7,11,0,0,4,2,32,24,44,45,7,35,0,4,0,0,18,15,3,4,13,171,52,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168250759858063,0.2103396980240644,0.0,0.08120538660359325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905398585759907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356276630961247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540473715233448,0.0,0.08478571526193714,0.061900803196881786,0.0,0.0864071953962503,0.0,0.0,0.08980817533066476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391564580117013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670694213041724,0.0,0.08555592282560498,0.0,0.09126197111141228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051344131506517815,0.07254366715582784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491731401396104,0.0,0.05305299742299155,0.0,0.11542056630196752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806337813545713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000123090474156,0.0,0.10870587115574604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025773588174232,0.0,0.10574334391658556,0.05580639856859215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921937720517024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061211973140414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253135983448276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529422585957417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316883218799302,0.0,0.0,0.11275354826864308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886650536179597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716471558993484,0.0,0.1020806296056109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155802798981141,0.13010447303676606,0.0,0.10026329724189624,0.0,0.11503052962011885,0.0,0.0965924139106092,0.0,0.0,0.10276881795782007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817419305644749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109385511730227,0.0,0.11631929225341625,0.0,0.0,0.22214718746163364,0.0,0.09570482734126932,0.0,0.07634909612981643,0.16323582151890298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492378369410146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776348706672976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894229329802623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378514284703811,0.29946894220862463,0.08060158210186773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213455396814496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zeljari,2018/02/16,"Just venting. Don’t want to live anymore I don’t know why I’m posting to this. I just wanted to vent I guess.
I have no friends at all. I never will. I tried but it never worked. I’m basically just a mute now, no one talks to me, I’ve been invisible for years. No one looks at me, no one touches me. I somehow got an amazing boyfriend and we’re in an LDR but I’m even ruining that, my depression and anxiety is making me a terrible girlfriend and all I do is have these horrible invasive thoughts and get upset at him about it. I’m lazy and can’t even do well in my classes. I fail at life in every regard. I want to be happy so badly, I’m just becoming some kind of monster.

I try everything and it only gets worse. I can’t feel happy about anything. I tried to kill myself today but I’m too much of a wimp to even do that because ironically death is my worst fear even when I hate living. I ended up just literally beating myself up and sobbing on the floor for hours. I’ve gotten to the point where I can barely eat... I’m lucky if I shower, brush my teeth, and take my meds.

I just want everything to stop. I can’t get out of my own mind. I’ll never escape this. I just want to stop feeling like this. That’s all I’ve ever asked for. Please just make my thoughts stop",0.1770833333333357,2.2503529338235317,2.6092352941176493,92.50439215686278,85.83823529411767,5.53843137254902,20.46372549019608,6.88968998030894,0.36304225490196096,986,31,223,13,30,338,143,272,0.298,0.589,0.113,-0.9967,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,3,22,20,2,2,7,0,17,3,1,2,7,48,46,14,2,6,12,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,10,9,1,3,5,0,0,0,12,12,1,3,5,5,34,8,29,39,7,28,0,4,1,0,5,14,1,5,14,146,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244093489138975,0.0,0.10687522536285322,0.0,0.0,0.08868249376128172,0.0,0.1007469557801636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998037040688077,0.06569334448534551,0.11901942653952055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281896794347204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027184264464872,0.0,0.0,0.0954489670630167,0.0,0.0,0.28471453490863385,0.097480800337963,0.0907977670833717,0.0,0.1937068276017351,0.0,0.0,0.12126706355499868,0.108979772286007,0.07698827592818876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325998651779254,0.0,0.16891035280771433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861905655808161,0.0,0.11871674404975988,0.0,0.0,0.2294384893469815,0.0,0.1063969236953802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612811096956327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922745902815195,0.11222203202840754,0.05922554759091874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761185342842807,0.0526491773105864,0.0,0.19031925845856276,0.0,0.09049656173690472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386970221882187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970408017046535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881325595621506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922064020541644,0.0,0.24934807376167575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907572921353094,0.0819611375858883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182950506541504,0.1018739994494482,0.0,0.10321033901414717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702923907353188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102685610149643,0.08661848071084366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110883067897428,0.0,0.0,0.10214986445491822,0.0,0.0,0.2194987587882436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31781681928424843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968948580895526,0.0,0.0972423359951833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845515975025216,0.0,0.1098230802345414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939797266462189
suicidewatch,---Butter---,2018/02/16,"Thinking about hospitalization but terrified I don't know what to do. I lie in bed all day and I can't get myself to do anything, and I feel like I'm close to suicide. But I'm terrified of going to a hospital. I have medicaid and the only hospital in my county that accepts it is kind of a shitty hospital. I'm kind of afraid of hospitals to begin with so it doesn't help. I have an image in my head of going to a crowded dirty ward and being forgotten, or being given shitty medication that isn't right for me. A friend of mine was hospitalized once on a 72 hour hold, and she ended up sleeping on a gurney in a hallway the whole time (different hospital). I don't want to be in a strange place with strange people. I already feel alone and defective and I feel like being in a hospital will just make me feel like even more of a fuck up.

I need help, but I don't know what the right step is. I'm meeting with my school therapist tomorrow to talk through some options, but I guess I'm posting because I wanted to have some ideas when I talk to her. ",3.2070412844036693,4.279382215596336,5.150355504587157,82.40470756880734,73.1743119266055,8.56926605504587,28.303899082568808,9.017664075816787,2.2358981651376144,825,32,172,17,16,285,112,218,0.244,0.685,0.071,-0.9923,1,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,14,0,19,4,2,1,1,36,42,14,1,3,6,0,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,6,11,0,1,9,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,2,4,23,7,33,35,5,25,0,0,0,1,9,14,1,5,10,116,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440189853914406,0.1538585783185659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473461467944444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499197808779785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991737079818803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566909372208378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348886452161865,0.0,0.0,0.09208867238305324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819891875108204,0.2988150129347858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771914575439427,0.12889585066881928,0.07284362983344995,0.0,0.15847649360569535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359198086166412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308992424050615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690682008344855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730520424388865,0.0,0.0,0.1573934692837273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29037865439334537,0.1532482927310264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434753745808198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306704259217467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045567581416316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338161807110437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484827116012387,0.0,0.10603873595299666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665950341059848,0.0,0.14566909372208378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335302828718273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381357941173411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110519852543568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395253499104252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250794750556798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241285193271476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188277535706996,0.0,0.08933769182328727,0.0,0.0,0.0812996399382439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447255259817745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566265273132035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nunoftheeabove,2018/02/16,Hello I'm needing help. Seriously.,2.0500000000000007,1.7760740000000013,7.213333333333335,48.69000000000002,142.33333333333334,7.866666666666667,36.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,5.5399333333333365,28,2,3,1,2,11,6,6,0.23,0.405,0.365,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6705883712855273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7418296545006973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nainamarbusataknev,2018/02/16,Not sure how to cope... Everything seems to be unreachable these days. Be it a job search or be it any effort to pull my grades up so that I don't get booted. My efforts seem to go down the drain and somehow I don't seem to make it. I am on medications but they seem to make my life more and more miserable every single day and my mind seems to convince myself that the only reasonable thing I could ever do is kill myself when nothing else seem to work out. I tried to even contact a nearby gun range so that I can shoot myself in the head but I am too broke to even afford the mandatory $165 hand-gun training so even that seems to be far-fetched. Not sure how long I can endure this crap. Not sure why I am even alive. ,3.615592105263161,4.0313230592105285,4.5445789473684215,89.55305263157896,71.69736842105263,7.658947368421052,23.752631578947373,7.554174236665415,0.7858478947368415,563,13,128,6,10,183,90,152,0.198,0.757,0.045,-0.9798,2,0,0,3,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,3,13,8,2,1,6,0,14,4,2,5,4,29,25,12,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,1,17,4,16,20,3,12,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,9,5,88,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784501478681706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210720740496824,0.0,0.0,0.14879795325455175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963701873032594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047821760554284,0.1043515760801018,0.09719750009083496,0.0,0.10367996922285024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027190814540578,0.0,0.0655629098086371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839474213566108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447903095517388,0.0,0.12763101265560867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148362543119776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020917813305768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540101242979054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621512561260013,0.0,0.0,0.1164827814099976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069299539286162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773803512848995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861139780002282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7351489240191611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261820920273824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664141794481599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832325732441063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409630396578086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398494414460259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alricv,2018/02/16,"Please advice I feel like I should put my affairs in place: Pay debts, pay for a funeral home, the works, so I don't cause a financial burden on top of the emotional one when I finally decide to off myself.

The only thing stoping me from doing that its knowing how much I hurt my mother, but when I think about it, I feel detached, I'm not scared to die.

I've been with 2 different therapists and that didn't exactly help.

Please, advise.",4.261628787878788,5.0999370568181845,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,70.47727272727272,9.048484848484847,27.166666666666664,9.2995712137729,2.173743939393939,343,11,69,7,6,114,69,88,0.123,0.674,0.203,0.7959999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,5,0,5,0,0,2,1,13,10,6,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,3,1,3,3,0,1,2,2,11,1,10,7,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,45,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013570254793033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116778360416043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385517533751505,0.21528625316935107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231786977436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837774871208165,0.14720753474358647,0.0,0.2257259431158602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811601335398235,0.0,0.20669249526517156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058883886607825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324382510955674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066929678226046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514759878026842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962990957981875,0.15671603063370967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528625316935107,0.4523785620399684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714472287479252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062995263435122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392486646877232,0.1368954614137533,0.13203333972907044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001233000101788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Raissax,2018/02/16,"I'm freaking out I'm on my vacations, and i'm freaking out.
I'm taking antidepressive pills, i go to psychologist (she thinks i have dysthimia) and psychiatrist (she thinks i have social anxiety).
I'm gonna be in my second year in college and I already afraid to not get a job, or to get a job with bullying at work. I was approved in all the subjects. I'm doing Scientific Initiation. I know/study portuguese, english, spanish, french and brazilian sign language. But i still afraid and freaking out about my future jobs. I feel powerless against it, doesn't matter what i do, my brain still says that I won't have a (good) job.
Maybe i could do post graduation, maybe i gonna kill myself because the pressure (i cannot cope with graduation, post graduation might be so more fucking hard!).
I have a great boyfriend, he demonstrates his love, but my sick brain tells me that he doesn't love or even like me. I found his ex-girlfriend's tumblr (I didn't search for it, just appeared in my dashboard), they have the same fetishes, she's pretty, etc. She was bad for him, but i still jealous of her.
I a good at making friends, i always think they actually doesn't like me, so i move away, then here i am, a lonely person!
I don't understand the reason of human being existence, i don't believe in religion or a god. I didn't want to born. Almost everyday i think about suicide methods and its efficiency, but then I think about my parents and boyfriend, I think they would suffer with my death.",3.343298969072165,5.318177171821309,4.399084536082473,84.25545154639175,74.53264604810997,7.130226804123713,28.134845360824734,7.976525956113202,1.8341976907216493,1171,48,229,18,25,381,154,291,0.16899999999999998,0.705,0.126,-0.895,6,2,1,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,3,2,11,20,3,3,11,0,26,7,2,2,1,43,53,18,3,3,9,1,2,2,1,5,2,1,0,2,6,13,0,0,10,0,0,3,10,12,0,1,5,3,50,8,27,39,4,26,0,2,0,3,22,12,1,6,11,150,56,9,0.0,0.0,0.10419377174045448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691642881064838,0.0,0.117825219825976,0.0,0.08884260304984327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168005397539993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031552160588704,0.0,0.08914990497430789,0.06508703389228522,0.0,0.0,0.12029513658971536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383850449582572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524850989321149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190786630880724,0.07052169716887495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398697682331553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170696518664264,0.08249154624124283,0.09870871098434683,0.11156760697837008,0.0,0.06068081448692207,0.1791100630419695,0.0,0.11771617002238713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564646609179002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238177262302275,0.0,0.11812706032020433,0.0,0.05867893092578332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432651328262016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927312456975916,0.0,0.07127093511336083,0.0,0.21453303624862946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326789477629205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348141374595053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185573310623258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322892518112166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451553764161234,0.10862519833031066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977908465236434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490913689552665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884029637276596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580403923135864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679090393547223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027902629374978,0.0,0.09332316706581904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104899431488093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115309938512603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297671172125091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773106517401351,0.0,0.0,0.07584754827811405,0.0,0.0,0.068757470551461
suicidewatch,This_Sad_Man,2018/02/16,"Feel like a worn out novelty. I've been severely depressed for several years. I'm not sure where it started, possibly when I lost a close friend at 14 (Nearly 23 now).

There's a lot I could say on the matter but this post is about a more niche area: I feel like a worn out novelty.

When I'm out which isn't hugely often I feel like a party's 3rd wheel, I feel like I'm only ever there as a nostalgic homage to what I once was. (I was a lot more fun and outgoing in 2013, but was only like that because I felt no repercussions because I never expected to make it to the next week). I just don't see the appeal in me that others do, I genuinely frustratingly don't understand it in the slightest. I will concede I can be funny sometimes but so can anyone and I look jolly and laugh heartily and often (I think I come off as a warm character like Hagrid). I'm also poor and sometimes they feel obligated to buy drinks for me and stuff but they still keep inviting me out. I just feel like as time passes the facade is wearing thin, I don't bring anything to the table and it isn't sustainable I'm boring my life isn't advancing anymore and it hasn't for 5 years at least I'm lost when they ask me what's new or anything of the sort. I would say I'm a nice and kind person and I genuinely care about all of them, but is that enough? I've also asked few people what the appeal is and I wasn't really given an answer which leads me to believe there is in fact no concrete reason they are still tied to me other than our past affinity. I'm just a worn out husk and they'd be all the better for shedding me I can't help but feel.

There are many factors that are driving me to the edge and have in past but this is one that is currently weighing heavily on my mind. 

Thanks for reading.
Also if you feel like this should just be on R/Depression and not here, it is really just because I'm not conveying it well, I'm pretty upset about all this.",2.7092481024667947,3.870881517156864,4.379667931688804,87.10423149905127,74.51470588235293,7.617457305502848,23.94560404807084,8.155646560271837,1.2256902909550913,1521,44,329,24,31,513,192,408,0.092,0.72,0.188,0.993,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,1,6,5,28,25,1,1,22,0,36,4,1,3,7,72,74,33,0,5,17,0,11,8,1,3,1,2,0,1,24,21,2,1,13,2,2,6,15,6,1,1,12,15,40,19,39,54,10,47,0,3,2,0,15,22,0,7,26,225,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696066108068967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555268914654303,0.06031919123039616,0.0,0.14197913119229238,0.0,0.16129412520175385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776085413631233,0.0,0.0,0.09719223815629686,0.0,0.07629526444929383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795393376992054,0.0,0.0,0.07431051832547758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887637946885053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860155446522855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450783573341111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891358357634016,0.0,0.0,0.07803253355261353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489494426792157,0.3697706750680825,0.08282888590675835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664889566986458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782227970936048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667718225359331,0.0,0.08983276141803341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060932225216874074,0.33716167128397057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244171124619989,0.0,0.18833905346945,0.1466805323319994,0.0,0.0,0.057583223192016975,0.0874601814726653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710406579484907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653365539548907,0.08331623793473432,0.0917448669986015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918704719108473,0.05845607248179525,0.13121835677400526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470131161340842,0.0598059807585421,0.07532414157492914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972519504673505,0.08261897947263355,0.08776353263476118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628934229555235,0.0,0.11052841392031662,0.08869581300284315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720436733767655,0.0,0.0,0.06874283110436966,0.0,0.0,0.19491204505086607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063855466985187,0.0,0.061059517033127626,0.0,0.13778427406206828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875392816868013,0.0,0.0,0.08130468171958237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942214028787657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527576792423541,0.0,0.0,0.050302396870061786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980594572244185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691973797029178,0.0,0.07756349187465786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128088952556988,0.0,0.0,0.1111049480853826
suicidewatch,PizzaParty4Putin2020,2018/02/16,"Really trying to talk myself out of this I've been feeling suicidal for a while. However I've been madly in love with someone and it helped calm down that side of me. We have broken up, and now the suicidal thoughts are here more than ever. I've planned out two different ways to off myself. I just don't want anyone to think its because of him and I don't want him to feel guilty. I'm just not sure what to do right now. I'm trying to tell myself life is going to get better but since one of my best friends died in October from an accidental overdose I have the overwhelming urge to join her. 

Also, sorry if this was a big paragraph of word vomit. I don't usually post a lot.",2.8169632495164407,4.159340354609931,4.389232753062544,86.42454545454548,74.53191489361703,7.68046421663443,24.165699548678273,8.296473431620573,1.3544411347517733,534,16,113,9,11,179,96,141,0.151,0.715,0.134,0.3393,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,3,7,8,1,1,6,0,11,3,0,0,2,22,22,7,3,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,4,2,13,6,24,18,3,18,0,1,0,1,9,10,0,2,5,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145039324792634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126816198630379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055979258647096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033374005291356,0.1604045945178929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823057194492104,0.1894901748437476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640570616545874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340946277669787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401238879261651,0.0,0.0947569027904309,0.0,0.1030751881358574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156664503134836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281050527779654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541919507207424,0.16369102473252806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289914283975867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736996915529082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618850491944467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488664105352595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002886390825218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367188288923592,0.0,0.0,0.20302578831078394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967726701592026,0.0,0.17093648731375047,0.0,0.0,0.14577612597699882,0.15852297112486022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116212810907089,0.0,0.14398533807181207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462729158205621,0.0,0.17716945016105978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975040318301368,0.0,0.21395020695526776,0.143960881589543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vic321-,2018/02/16,"I want to kill myself I'll keep this brief but I'll respond if anyone asks anything.

I've hated myself for the past 10 years. I have no friends or anyone to talk to. I've been to numerous doctors who cannot help me. I just want to die and I'm getting closer to taking action myself because death isn't coming fast enough.

I guess I'm not that serious since I came here instead of just doing it. But maybe this is a step toward actually doing it. Idk.. sorry to waste your time.",0.4462666666666699,2.7569621600000005,2.646000000000001,90.93466666666669,87.4,4.533333333333334,18.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.12206666666666655,376,10,77,3,12,127,70,100,0.269,0.659,0.07200000000000001,-0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,14,19,5,3,3,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,10,17,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.2043241103201289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928059171899639,0.0,0.17230142216182506,0.0,0.19574149331122512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763575088292745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947427686669503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036183038366455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730278094111397,0.0,0.0,0.21430870826778067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163449112365144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617660203016679,0.0,0.10939210499637987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306550364861929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671882903636826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034261152180516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610604866657754,0.23164730579847875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103497696338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987634791533893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320081967470646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23438311825140096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574272660528712,0.1682912464341516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209082343406676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469948131906584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483348153750646
suicidewatch,eviruta,2018/02/16,"I dont really want to type. I just hate myself, my life and would like to die. I'm over it all.
I just really am.",-3.401666666666668,-1.8912349629629617,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,102.33333333333331,5.662962962962964,6.75,7.1686216300943375,-1.2197333333333336,84,0,24,2,4,32,21,27,0.306,0.609,0.085,-0.7607,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022420610501422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542354666085612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826504543077777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27375595753608106,0.18934975671389065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965814342083347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286020047608783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275322434574232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,budderbudder731,2018/02/16,"I'm confused I have friends, okay family and I'm generally pretty chill but I want to die and I don't feel like I'm good enough. Does anyone else experience this?",-0.5878431372549038,1.4596945294117631,2.23764705882353,89.11274509803923,103.70588235294115,5.79607843137255,17.43137254901961,7.1686216300943375,0.6127607843137257,130,4,28,3,6,45,26,34,0.244,0.48,0.275,-0.1938,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395110803919767,0.3135167393179137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175630547943307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677686363061712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556103460006113,0.0,0.0,0.3161632382426501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29931103880567306,0.2884544573772353,0.0,0.1547146902751757,0.2185950110776454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236402458111386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256644838804327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948831310590058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31129570323514616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804772747396079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThiccLiccThrowaway,2018/02/16,"I feel guilty This is probably going to be a bit long, and scattered. I feel like I cannot get my ""deep"" feelings out and don't ever talk about them with people anyway, besides Reddit apparently. I'm going to regret posting this later. 

Right now I am going to a different school far away from the one I once went to. This school is a Cambridge school but it is in the middle of no where. I am 15 so I have just come out of middle school. Middle school was truly awful but going to that Cambridge school does not make anything better. 

In middle school I was bullied a lot, shit I have been for my whole life. After coming here I wasn't expecting much but everything seems to just be another great big shit-stain. There are people there who cause drama, and even though it is petty it just makes me feel hopeless after everything. Yeah, and I get that I'm young and it is high school, maybe it is me just being a angsty teenager but I cannot help but feel hopeless. And not just hopeless in the sense that I'm a failure but in the sense that I really don't want to do anything with my life. 

To me it feels like life is not real. There is no reality but maybe it is just a dream, this is what I hope for anyway. I get detached and that is where most of my troubles begin. I made all of these dark jokes because of that detachment with my friend who I've known since preschool (now no longer with me because I moved. But also I always considered him my best friend but he had plenty of friends, I had none.) I feel guilty for these jokes but I also like them. I feel guilty for everything I have ever done. I have done some straight up embarrassing things (especially in middle school) and oh god, do those memories make me cringe. They make me want to die, literally. I think back on everything and realize it was my own demise. I feel guilty because I am privileged to even be sitting in front of a computer and breaking down while typing. Many people have had it much worse and they can actually get through things fine, I'm a selfish piece of shit.

I don't know what I want from life. I hate myself so much and I've done so many stupid fucking things. I don't think I can change my life. I am scared to get help because the last time I got help I got Baker Acted. My backpack was searched and I had drawn some troublesome things in order to cope with the bullying and school resources officers instigated me. They turned everything from me going to my school counselor for talk about suicide into, ""am I going to do something really horrible to others?"" I understand they were doing their job, but the way the school resource officers attitude towards me changed after seeing those drawings unnerved the shit out of me. Now this incident made my loving mom worried about what was happening at my middle school so that she is now making me go to this Cambridge school. Though I am going back next year to where I once lived and am going to the high school. Some people will know me from middle school. 

I don't know why I should stay alive. I like drawing and writing but every concept I come up for a drawing or writing is terrible and ""edgy"". I can't do anything right. Right now I am failing math. I don't belong at this school. 

Maybe I need a friend who can truly understand, someone I could talk to for hours and actually talk to out of school. Maybe I just need to act like a completely different person. Maybe I need advice. I don't know what could keep me alive. I don't deserve to be alive.
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suicidewatch,suicide214,2018/02/16,"Battered Mind How do you clear up a mind? Thoughts just flow and flow, they never stop. You're not good enough. You deserve and need to be alone. You're worthless. I know it's not true. But my heart and mind won't let me feel that. Only pain is allowed. Sorry about the username it's a weird choice.",-0.629516129032254,1.5239134677419417,0.15058064516129122,105.02587096774192,99.80645161290323,2.4800000000000004,15.877419354838713,3.1291,-1.4312632258064517,233,6,54,0,10,70,49,62,0.244,0.688,0.069,-0.8573,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,5,2,1,2,3,20,9,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,6,2,3,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289443769665027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284069749377647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177110463761386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540887799136566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261949023862624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148501943336372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226041802649822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6696019396437954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390809524337313,0.17048980166375466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812086671071974,0.2352161161584704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745088160524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481031512491794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549149366955538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irishtaco7,2018/02/16,"Help How do I kill myself fast , painless and easily? I just don't want to wake up anymore. I want the pain to be gone. ",-0.7928205128205157,1.138609461538465,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,89.0,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.4509333333333334,90,2,22,1,3,31,21,26,0.319,0.458,0.223,-0.4843,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,5,6,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.435714644944431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944853554548917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860728929619077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674966960655895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182770547679632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gganjalez,2018/02/16,Advice for moving on after a parent commits suicide? I was especially close with my dad. He died in 2009 and I was only 9 years old. It took me a long time to find peace with myself but I feel like I'm falling right back into depression. ,1.348775510204078,3.499520204081634,3.644244897959183,86.39004081632655,81.65306122448979,5.5526530612244915,20.004081632653055,6.742157984588678,0.4076416326530614,186,5,37,2,5,64,43,49,0.224,0.654,0.122,-0.7543,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,5,2,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,1,8,2,0,14,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,7,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616757147354545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059095942097204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306422216713332,0.0,0.27791782145725125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539978602535416,0.19130515449748556,0.0,0.0,0.24474999513192666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082588066996084,0.0,0.0,0.2369806751919947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846123276978995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809945723809356,0.0,0.0,0.2036620238552069,0.0,0.0,0.29734277046317736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228686325550894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929125565657016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614717640411896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975182058080355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244430690721285
suicidewatch,saracasticgoddess26,2018/02/16,"life is just so pointless i guess i should introduce myself: im ella. Im a junior in high shool, and I think I've been depressed for 2 to 3 years now. Im not clinically diagnosed (as my parents don't see anything wrong with me and won't take me to see a psychiatrist). My depression has gotten so bad as to the point where I am actually considering suicide as a viable route. I have no friends (just acquaintances), and I can't really get ""new ones"" as my school is extremely small and everyone knows everyone already. Nothing I do gives me any pleasure anymore, including reading for fun. Even browsing Reddit or Tumblr seems like a chore. My life just seems so repetitive, and I see no point in continuing on if just an endless cycle of work work work is waiting for me. if anyone could even just comment, it would be appreciated, as I think this is the lowest I've ever felt in the years where I've been depressed.",4.463910256410259,5.745070083333335,5.871111111111107,77.63115384615384,70.3888888888889,9.094017094017095,31.068376068376068,9.466822959209583,2.886799145299145,725,31,138,16,13,245,109,180,0.153,0.7490000000000001,0.098,-0.8874,2,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,3,14,9,0,0,8,0,17,4,0,0,1,27,32,16,1,5,9,1,1,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,6,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,4,18,4,17,23,0,17,0,3,3,0,4,10,0,6,8,88,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.1181347615817409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335900795215533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232332394612515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005661691281233,0.08464629348627507,0.0,0.0996200957165105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107804519649287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665464857649554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128002183517791,0.12287092277865518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991481529505164,0.10950353613567093,0.0,0.23135146243888735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623428700866904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352880680808212,0.0,0.06324760314592692,0.11612948744393077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333586021749083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790400823216672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39228896718163214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653009483192954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101313572918933,0.05914263188397224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691819111861665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615803877905408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203176744278952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442014627998616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288771356271587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121090366825182,0.0,0.07755260284853592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251676115769025,0.2894017179961298,0.22041259746389247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241737352306768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102025459689027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513765284161388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26439413887523777,0.0,0.0,0.08599585064176794,0.13235748922277701,0.0,0.15591425965064093
suicidewatch,NellyTellyy,2018/02/16,This is pointless Everything feels pointless. They put me on Prozac but who knows if it even works for me I have to wait so long to even feel its effect what’s the point in waiting i don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to be with people I don’t know what to do I don’t want anything but I don’t want to not do nothing ,-0.7018918918918935,1.1033049594594608,1.2526351351351366,102.55706081081085,87.24324324324327,4.2405405405405405,17.35810810810811,5.148860815047168,-0.931778378378378,253,6,66,1,8,83,44,74,0.038,0.873,0.08900000000000001,0.0772,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,1,0,17,21,5,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,10,19,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533006680422751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012601969910954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230722375499851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980366489573286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24732378971397895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688184526506379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643667393420588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467142446137185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955398117499218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23119761666443195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24586030992893265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770146773581821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804980708827786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,takatukaultra,2018/02/16,"I feel so damaged, I can't bear to live like this I felt suicidal for the better part of one year now, and actually posted here before. I was very disheartened and hopeless by the decline of my cognitive capabilities following two concusions which happened in quick succesion. I couldn't do sports as I liked, which really fucked me up because of my body image issues.

Anyhow, after almost half a year I finally got better, did sports, even got a sixpack. I was finally starting to accept my body for the first time in my life. But then I got prescribed ciprofloxacin for a suspected infection, the doctor told me he could test if it really was because of bacteria, but he wouldn't. He just described my the antibiotics and sent me home.

Immediatly after I took the first pills I began to feel very weird, almost tripping. I was very dumb, but I chalked it up to being a common adverse effect of antibiotics. I also got extremly depressed and emotional unstable, crying almost the whole day. 
I discontinued the antibiotics because of this and reading about the horrific stories about it online. On top of that the antibiotic didn't even help the ""infection"".

 I really hoped I wouldn't develop the tendon issues or the neuropathies, but after 3 days I got the nerve damage, and a week later my achilles heel started to hurt. The pain progressed, and affected every part of my body. I felt and feel like an old man, but I'm 24. 

Almost 3 months later now, the issues haven't gone away. My achilles heel seems to get better, but my shoulders haven't. I still feel dumber and not like myself anymore. And when I read only about ciprofloxacin's nasty side effects, one word always struck me: permanent.

I feel like I have been damaged through and through. I feel like I can never fully put a strain on my body again without the risk of tendon rupture. I feel like I lost my old personality. I feel like I lost the body I finally was ready to be comfortable with. My stomach, which has bad skin due to being formely over weight, looks like shit again, but I even lost weight. 

I really don't want to live on like this anymore. I feel like everytime I heal from some shit which makes my life unbearable to me, I get struck by even worse shit. I hate being me in my life. 
I am in therapy already, but I don't really find solace in it. I cannot accept being so imperfect, when my best friend and sometimes lover is the perfect human next to me. I feel so inadequate, but I don't want to. ",5.7061992770920025,6.6123512410148,6.276924231057768,77.23643660915229,67.24524312896406,9.485889654231741,30.691468321625862,9.618343705623,2.839256209506922,1959,73,358,40,31,638,219,473,0.221,0.622,0.158,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,1,58.0,0,0,0,14,21,44,6,2,26,0,30,28,15,4,2,64,70,31,1,8,14,0,15,11,2,2,9,0,1,3,12,13,2,0,19,4,0,6,14,22,0,6,23,16,64,22,50,38,6,56,0,10,1,2,11,14,5,10,46,238,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.056589202379712815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322716733108849,0.0,0.06399264657368688,0.04637403097574967,0.04825175209562044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115019628440218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448286648191198,0.0,0.04841865238634531,0.106049237061903,0.0,0.04934463246131579,0.0,0.06085620413335215,0.15386049911899016,0.0,0.32206525827758553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629974612045705,0.0,0.06369853505536037,0.07479661638897732,0.0,0.04994610850557951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935451692362285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523016961461002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320557175687008,0.0,0.04885849549170045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932113797486512,0.2485654517625294,0.11135766480459622,0.19057336678739972,0.05300117959763235,0.0986513564553324,0.0,0.0,0.04480239775261605,0.05361018349972075,0.060594043049388376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189674675538502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051279756116208365,0.0,0.0,0.05725243894960873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886901273404178,0.0,0.058168006992081175,0.057596470222504324,0.0,0.0,0.06207875668187946,0.0,0.0,0.18157732345084174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287869570895416,0.3116371296774241,0.0,0.10241124787620892,0.0,0.04869641617482784,0.0,0.18990654911266885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038708315320112666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628651471006355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472493149368107,0.0,0.06167229001651295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170005387492762,0.0,0.07859011568197123,0.04410348403785945,0.06170471534799037,0.0,0.0,0.1255935453751593,0.0,0.0,0.0506340295258668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055537730116086564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058295274209619476,0.0,0.0,0.11601000726213015,0.0,0.1857471873184704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279129071713567,0.0,0.0,0.17857558293010706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735291126291633,0.0,0.08209026544869613,0.0,0.046310338592567286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343089407855625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631583083267982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033814033523461025,0.0,0.0,0.05541127164225066,0.0644282581133341,0.0,0.0,0.05664713057284437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354176387324394,0.0684071960400875,0.0,0.04651552734264867,0.14123071652971386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474299470214152,0.0,0.05589962635419147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590960619725049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468642993068789
suicidewatch,LilPumpIsAGOAT,2018/02/16,Help I feel incredibly alone and useless and helpless and have really no one I can talk to without feeling like a moron... if I could just rant to a random stranger about my dumb problems it could help I just want someone to listen ,9.078666666666667,6.926263200000005,8.656111111111112,73.07750000000001,61.444444444444464,10.777777777777779,40.27777777777778,8.841846274778883,3.5821111111111112,184,8,34,2,2,59,34,45,0.403,0.478,0.119,-0.9329,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,8,4,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,3,5,1,5,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30386127205760866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684925584996054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29669136656226863,0.2095962976914773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933033061293429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333445589941596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880716123602368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28073249468006306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879517325959726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485865246337601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23581399440075226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304772152111486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28281536254770084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madremare,2018/02/16,"I'm fed up. I'm done with all this. Here I am, after a month of thinking I can play all this off, and thinking I could do something with my life. I'm tired of constantly getting yelled at and blamed for everything. My grades are horrible and I don't understand anything from being so behind. I'm not allowed to go anywhere. No matter what I do, it isn't enough. I just want to be left alone. I don't want anyone to see how big of a joke my life is. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to die for fear of what may be on the other side, but I do not know what else I can do to fix any of this. ",0.7150099535501013,1.6948962408759165,2.962163238221631,96.00823490378237,79.2919708029197,6.149701393497015,20.483742534837425,6.574015621080383,-0.02661459854014581,463,11,119,4,11,159,76,137,0.12,0.828,0.052000000000000005,-0.6553,1,1,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,21,4,0,2,2,25,37,6,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,6,1,0,5,2,0,1,8,1,0,0,2,2,15,2,23,30,3,11,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,1,3,85,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927101282075786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740627846747927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128355873514922,0.0,0.16627640815302713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835277193091449,0.0,0.1613267652575563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970416519613594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677535100621894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687934204382474,0.0,0.0,0.20877979015638826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181596582156536,0.0,0.0,0.2273712758852691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055668959134504,0.0,0.11483414228157142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209143894448394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195364637855,0.0,0.28543889414596274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128066175122116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610139595349953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555401772514255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589410449594617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23223579428459395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034936557386105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575368954110981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NauseousConscience,2018/02/16,Alli want is to kill myself But the guilt of hurting others stops me. Why do I have to live for them? As shitty as it is I wish everyone would die so I finally could too. I'm tired of carrying on this hopeless pointless existance of suffering and burdening everyone around me. I just want to fucking die already.,2.802185792349725,5.193939737704921,4.624180327868854,80.01747267759565,77.85245901639344,8.656830601092896,29.83879781420765,9.2995712137729,3.1845387978142083,248,12,45,7,6,84,47,61,0.421,0.514,0.065,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,2,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,10,11,5,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,0,11,9,0,4,0,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235993899837898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903759587402641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074551895411208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438946811595602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40869452319882255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23426729185000625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977051575848821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893580232808686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365984606905503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883755452856987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879204479018873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457944356073681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522740007617372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297053881674325,0.0,0.245922268160304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191619194712674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mklimentova,2018/02/16,"alone, hopeless, hate my home life. help me hi
i am posting this here and /r/depression because i really need somebodys help.
i am a 15 year old girl with diagnosed moderate to severe depression and moderate anxiety and insomnia and mild bipolar disorder. ive never taken meds, because neither of my aprents believe in mental illness and only took me to be evaluated because they thought i was ""crazy"".
i hate my life at home because my family doesnt get it. any of the way im supposed to live, and act as a teen, and im just overall so unhappy. i feel so empty and shut down and worn from all of this. i live with my mom and my dad. lets give you a brief background:
my dads job requires him to take kind of frequent trips out of the country, and my mom works 4 days a week in New York City. my dad works from home when hes not away, so that’s what I have to deal with every day after school.
my father is a really old fashioned man, raised in the USSR, and believes in hitting me and yelling at me for the littlest things. he always blames me for using a bad tone on him, which is crazy, and he just makes me do so much work (washing the rugs, washing the windows, vaccuming, etc.) when I have an extreme amount of homework and after school sports. and he always kicks our dogs if they do something wrong, like chew up one of their toys and fling the stuffing around.
my mom knows about all this and doesn’t do anything. she lets him be the dominant male, and even believes all his lies about me. he always tries to send me to boarding school, and calls me horrible derogatory terms like ""slut"" and ""bitch"" and i hate it.
my mom tries to stop him but she cant do much.
i cant talk to any of my friends about it, because they are all like ""oh everyone gets that way"" and start talking about their own problems.
my only coping mechanisms are overeating, crying, and listening to sad music. i have recently grown further from my friends because they again dont get it. my best friend was hospitalized in a mental help place 3 weeks ago and i have had no contact with her and just feel so lonely.
i cry several times every day, in school and at home, and feel worthless and contemplate suicide daily.
someone please help me.
-m",3.889852281355697,5.280199416856494,4.435539449161318,86.95611444743567,71.91571753986331,7.508000276109617,28.564989300752398,8.00094639256281,1.7646425208807892,1740,67,352,24,33,552,232,439,0.152,0.7659999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9766,2,3,1,0,1,3,60.0,1,1,6,5,18,21,4,0,16,0,28,10,0,2,5,57,50,39,1,3,6,8,3,3,3,0,8,2,7,3,12,35,1,2,5,2,0,6,9,13,0,1,7,5,58,8,50,38,12,50,0,5,0,1,48,19,1,1,25,220,70,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036182448602065,0.0,0.0,0.07052555133897477,0.0,0.0,0.16998068406038316,0.0,0.0,0.09261343380275787,0.0,0.05209224318141658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603611891390173,0.060618701371297434,0.0,0.0,0.06397719261961261,0.0,0.0568562127899731,0.2490593063389873,0.0,0.0,0.2301581550372314,0.0714611646806529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953228087371759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959761517602602,0.1317463041964274,0.07020262419653668,0.11729969477734405,0.06911466597541566,0.0,0.0,0.07804240177470677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980645684407242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594356728963547,0.044975893375311216,0.0,0.11474540819964946,0.06506738407992703,0.0,0.0,0.06419360324985582,0.0,0.1032921474130019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578293406308508,0.0,0.10672997808564756,0.0653226211138849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168819398504534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825697122926194,0.0,0.2732180612315503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471078772175776,0.0,0.06757346189447089,0.0,0.0,0.07091012966359604,0.037423054841908665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926284601317718,0.09619457139280636,0.09980286194150242,0.0,0.12025769851823664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545372710956238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563783771087401,0.0,0.13724684112699298,0.0,0.0,0.3190066609937223,0.0,0.0,0.10011484852773228,0.0504913417797171,0.05251881447941389,0.06576626546681041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290782206105834,0.0,0.0461427169094744,0.103578143944497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114444651857445,0.07474750927985402,0.0,0.0,0.0652158795365981,0.0,0.0,0.0651574115780165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724639027992649,0.0,0.06723528067668191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27566180288423875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385521016366144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057696400684822215,0.052422610829788815,0.0,0.0,0.048197764397638364,0.0,0.0,0.05693020086368626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448452679789372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051198724248160285,0.10946384747185503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523907908567231,0.0,0.0,0.05405956901119456,0.03970655502670215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565569408561418,0.09246363460805834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881193944098888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081007735568303,0.10924288844425926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487212123175667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445084199014454,0.0,0.043850740813473586
suicidewatch,Feralnoise,2018/02/16,"I'm ready to go. I want this more than anything right now. I've never felt this way before. I really want to die this time. I'm not sure if I'm sad, excited, hopeful. All that I know I that I'm ready. 

Goodbye, life! It's been nice, and thank you for everything you've given me. ",-1.2483196721311458,0.7537889836065581,1.5050614754098393,97.85300204918036,93.59016393442623,5.017213114754099,15.821721311475413,6.6274283507984215,-0.37288688524590174,212,5,52,3,8,73,42,61,0.13699999999999998,0.581,0.281,0.7695,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,11,13,2,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,6,5,4,10,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360789668870636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441149607849789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977376238838161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25783052437770804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754511546741386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630413236268954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849379834927832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576625272426556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263283284706315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212606387584327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837835853118012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244995167374386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27038234566239605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641218701602987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728286453512156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384201917367172,0.2277131199985523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cmdalek,2018/02/16,"Strength. I'm the strongest person that I know.
I've been torn down, yet I remain. 
I've been overlooked, and I remain. 
Ridiculed. Judged. Looked at and known what others think of me.
I've been crushed and have reassembled myself so many times. Wiser and stronger than my previous incarnation. 

I notice all the little things.
I navigate life very carefully. 
I have to.
For my own strength is at risk.
I'll be alone forever. 
I am my own pillar. 
There is no one who can give me what I give others.
Compassion, caring, understanding. 
I've weathered and remained. 
I'll be here forever, cursed to this visage that others look at in disgust and contempt. 

I try, and I remain. 

I fail, and I remain. 

I only wanted to be normal, and accepted. 
I wanted friends that didn't narrow their eyes at me when they thought I wasn't looking. 

I notice too much.

Someday it will all be too much and not even my anger will save me.
My strength. 

Too narrow these escapes lately. 

There is nothing keeping me here. 
Yet I remain. 

Sorry if this isn't the norm here.
No throwaway account because I just don't care that much.

And I don't seek attention,  I just want to help.

I hope these words help at least one person. 
It's been a very bad couple of days just outside the gates.",0.8957142857142841,3.4745229508196767,2.1206604215456686,92.27539344262293,92.03278688524591,4.591850117096019,20.90585480093677,6.3317336037704965,0.4105408899297425,976,34,191,11,35,310,131,244,0.13699999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.184,0.9049,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,2,4,16,17,4,1,5,0,22,2,1,0,2,33,40,14,0,6,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,17,11,0,1,7,0,1,0,8,7,0,2,7,4,34,10,15,27,8,16,0,1,4,0,10,10,0,2,6,134,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399255478852934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802197306777554,0.07886525312842503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957165647677628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314998558996606,0.0,0.08343559437240164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545037568425265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995411199774944,0.0,0.0,0.2482148589371044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343346994563508,0.0,0.0,0.12849767700120654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499364821603332,0.0,0.0,0.07110062425683521,0.0,0.14593962470492275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913807558607955,0.0,0.12966684022994804,0.0,0.0,0.3259249915442449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311650356153612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28531455774137504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267591534170793,0.1241379422425947,0.29458655029147857,0.0,0.0,0.1753344825017352,0.09839483608338248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592895523455875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482371766575958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595040617030474,0.08289770208989061,0.0,0.10270858752682628,0.07543908057247507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783652442940919,0.0,0.0,0.13468300512087092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134943702754981,0.2289245959177595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,negamoon_,2018/02/16,"just needed someone to talk to I found the resources page here, I went to www.crisischat.org and read the faq and terms and conditions. I sat and waited for almost an hour. They asked if I was doing it right now. I panicked, I told them I didn't know. I'm not currently in the act or anything. they told me chat is only for people committing suicide right now ?? 

is there a place I can just talk to someone?",1.5611111111111102,3.9955799259259273,2.633580246913585,92.21111111111117,83.07407407407408,5.575308641975309,21.34567901234568,6.937597516519254,0.5625160493827166,318,10,65,4,9,101,56,81,0.104,0.879,0.017,-0.8290000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,15,16,6,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,0,12,0,7,9,2,11,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,3,5,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096648652541283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230275444949464,0.0,0.195743006844745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295755016976156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619814654514168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150703430957222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525338715665074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924371502088047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515844872009884,0.0,0.21875862098461665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094377002071144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576205260641949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548157492881007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22902887244677445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365850954278144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001451106569505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409832059640225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Captain-Nemo,2018/02/16,"Depressed, recently relapsed into self harm, getting slapped around by life every day. It just feels like life decided I was never going to make it years ago, and sometimes I don't know why I shouldn't just give up. Every tiny thing I try to do goes wrong so often it feels like a joke sometimes. This past week, I got held back from graduation a year by a fucking clerical error, I missed a doctors appointment (to get antidepressants) I made months ago due to an auto accident, I broke my glasses that I need to drive, and I started self harming again.

My struggle with mental illness and with myself keeps me spread thin already, and life constantly kicking me down like this makes living feel like an insurmountable task. I have a support system, and I love them all dearly, but its just so hard to justify trying sometimes. Part of me just feels like I should check myself into inpatient care, part of me wants to fight through it, but most of me just wants to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing

I havent had any of my psychiatric medication for almost two months now due to stupid bullshit on my part and doctors being difficult, and every attempt to get back on them just keeps fucking up.",12.577035398230088,7.972114646017702,11.143429203539824,65.48602876106196,57.407079646017706,13.95486725663717,45.0641592920354,10.9516,4.839284955752213,954,38,171,15,8,301,135,226,0.161,0.745,0.094,-0.9448,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,14,22,4,1,7,0,10,10,0,3,2,43,37,12,0,5,8,0,6,5,0,2,7,0,1,2,9,13,0,3,6,1,1,2,4,12,0,1,5,6,27,10,30,29,5,32,0,3,0,3,7,10,2,3,24,113,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219542655891726,0.0,0.0972592118956671,0.0,0.10718266733359913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605006506407574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646411228421041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937018219462242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902801106427933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496037702070199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263923498512602,0.0,0.08365581702261739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988283274030752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455024514110529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964424317899539,0.2775517662664681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958571090280562,0.15223540921413234,0.09317359690856393,0.05519982531999264,0.0,0.07768177499771219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700720755617547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266285945662624,0.0,0.0,0.05337876171331283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581218420766093,0.23725807564290616,0.0,0.08576540665258224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766140654312164,0.09190443683818172,0.1296667884870904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784578890840236,0.0978817263765768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505256850059526,0.0,0.0,0.07201884808256598,0.07491075475813129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319650435996607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31553901691717645,0.09271923727379557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959017386776559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265043604702532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881848933108951,0.0,0.06874738023831288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153880455533842,0.0,0.0,0.1102191934247641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452722881242624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318864624959261,0.0,0.09487950376612032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457669168200756,0.0,0.07790986246010488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876425072062769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061937292595631,0.0,0.12509391628891767
suicidewatch,P30pleKn0wMyAcc0unt,2018/02/16,"I am heavily considering trying to be a nurse in the future, If I check into a suicide ward, will it hurt my hypothetical future career? currently behind on work and when I catch up I'll probably be better, but I'm a lot less stable than usual so it's something to be considered.",4.241785714285712,5.395228178571434,7.1485714285714295,68.74642857142858,70.78571428571428,9.885714285714286,28.285714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.1145500000000013,222,8,39,6,4,82,45,56,0.095,0.823,0.08199999999999999,-0.1629,1,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,6,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,8,2,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,30,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31654020577044434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831475107628217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042802605248664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858849499815364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755347724738498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914928466786303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429957810243155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941846797862592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605610107885638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swimmingidiot,2018/02/16,"i hurt someone and i don’t know what to do i hurt a dear friend of mine recently. i’m a girl and so is she. one day really early on in our friendship she got drunk and we had sex. i could tell the events had shaken her but today she confirmed that they have caused her intense anxiety. at the time i didn’t realize how much of a lightweight she actually was and that’s my own fault. i was sober, and she kept insisting that she was only tipsy and 100% wanted it. i was nervous about the whole situation at first but after her insisting and feeling me up i felt the best way (obviously not the best way) was to go through with it anyways. 

i know i fucked up. it’s all my fault and honestly i’m not sure what’s stopping me from going down to the parking garage down the street and jumping off. i really hurt her and i hate to do that bc i genuinely care for her even if it isn’t romantic love. i dont want to cause her pain whenever she sees me and i feel so guilty idk what to do",0.786142629300528,2.7482540622009566,2.9143950786056045,91.8940988835726,82.54066985645933,6.660378218272957,21.4356345408977,7.793537801064563,0.8209041239462289,765,24,176,14,21,259,118,209,0.205,0.631,0.16399999999999998,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,3,6,17,2,1,10,0,17,5,0,3,3,35,35,17,0,4,5,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,11,13,1,2,6,1,0,3,6,9,0,2,11,4,37,8,23,23,6,24,0,3,1,3,20,10,1,1,9,127,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.13784062194487054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805664534829723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296468466569252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401483100184925,0.2902074183317224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277744751216613,0.0,0.0,0.09109522390197768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554514601476242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329496798119404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428415218672775,0.0,0.1356231324131261,0.0,0.0,0.12014804731002067,0.0,0.0,0.10913018934962072,0.13058429391875176,0.0,0.0,0.1605524220744015,0.0,0.11297134596551148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945614111542895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536364220073663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525573551590086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748456232749586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038357538547976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571534823581318,0.10742776738435926,0.15030104653935494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809780434980449,0.0,0.13946834375458872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255877684768396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877206711857222,0.0,0.0,0.11968153271804542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118092179346372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331274167694953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234596192780212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236460694504356,0.0,0.1338894529801669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662702514165034,0.22423697342859075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577017219015614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gavin8399,2018/02/16,"Life is good? The last few months have just been getting worse for me. Everyday I see myself falling deeper into depression. I was admitted to a hospital when I was younger for a suicide attempt. I want to do this right this time (I think?) but anyways, my life is in all honesty pretty good, I have an amazing girlfriend who I’ve been with for 9 months today. I’m about to graduate high school, I have a nice car. I know what I want to do. But everyday I just have no motivation I just wanna sleep for years on end. I don’t care about anything as much anymore. I feel lost. I don’t necessarily want to die, but as so much I don’t want to live, if that makes sense.  I’m sick of everything, I hate myself. I’ve resorted back to self harm for the billionth time in my life. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Ps. Sorry if this is confusing/hard to follow, i kinda just typed my thoughts and this is kinda how I think. ",1.1625730994152017,3.2198115396825457,3.0862990810359245,90.6527067669173,81.75132275132276,6.306989696463382,23.17488164856585,7.475848149327749,0.9482529100529103,707,25,155,11,19,237,103,189,0.17,0.647,0.182,0.1306,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,1,0,6,0,19,5,1,3,1,30,39,11,2,7,9,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,8,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,6,2,25,5,25,33,4,21,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,4,12,103,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836629510969653,0.0,0.0,0.11768835015578305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996895110980028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581232140480788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231777630186463,0.0,0.1484259703277678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666796998241922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853177660815826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723121839312366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471892103711568,0.0,0.0,0.2399067438988865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281124681427854,0.14119673320268006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110216065231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719352687150456,0.1165755114327113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030450882552154,0.0,0.0,0.12628399687965985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611669325332975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954629666657461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228304847384792,0.0,0.21026351534852475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454966694455865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213318884195515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447378200489823,0.11396365521850868,0.0,0.14919480961065165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311729970718354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009248295970652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643412214980534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832752144901242,0.0,0.1135371544349018,0.1667852464458629,0.0,0.13556056563651644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374134896477342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574350104115252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209633785266076
suicidewatch,putamano20,2018/02/16,"About last night Last night i was feeling down in the dumps, went to bed angry and sad at the same time. Despair turned into cold comfort. I had a dream where i took my life with the same chemicals they use at the vet shop to send our pets to sleep. Last night before going to bed i was figuring out which would be the best way to go, on a graceful manner; without making a bloody mess or hanging from a tree. i decided that these chemicals let you sleep and go out peacefully. The dream was very real and ended with me being tired and sleepy walking to my bedroom and lying down in my bed and closing my eyes for one last time, never to see the light again.

I dont mean to unsettle anyone with this. I am way calmer as of this afternoon. I was hesitant to post this, as i dont want to steal anyones time with these kind of things.

I cant let go of my life, i have three younger siblings and a cheerful dog to watch after. I just wish i did not feel like this so often at all. I hope the owner of the eyes reading this is well, wherever you are. Please be well,",4.694038461538462,4.50029797727273,5.2772727272727264,87.36898601398602,69.22727272727272,8.405594405594405,27.37762237762238,7.882392219407189,1.3820384615384618,825,23,183,9,13,266,130,220,0.096,0.72,0.184,0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,1,1,8,14,1,0,14,0,19,7,4,2,2,37,35,11,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,5,0,10,15,0,0,5,4,1,9,6,5,2,2,8,8,24,9,37,21,4,40,0,2,4,0,6,13,0,4,16,127,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263788133253776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896185369893988,0.0,0.12204858907073568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27260304250794376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300636394838908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760850255921262,0.0830840040917607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26438152850219176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551111388261485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110747585685372,0.0,0.3791967159424469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378471431558553,0.1642907972074337,0.05681779998789362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763046245494877,0.0,0.0,0.12668366748845852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969693169044536,0.0,0.0,0.3274161020508811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880718876971254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766134004289162,0.0,0.0,0.111382260812827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633043751301805,0.13237368366496075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926752181151694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327659101664758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077263864896965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203444585861076,0.13366855241390785,0.0,0.0,0.1292124297103193,0.0,0.12649987822452127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044496561682212,0.0,0.09595882623605187,0.06859614297239944,0.18462541086512965,0.0,0.0,0.2091334736081641,0.10781030603942103,0.0,0.0,0.13373807063656445,0.11210805247005763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261544821235603,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlanetaryAC,2018/02/16,"Last August, I came *really* close to killing myself, and I feel even more depressed and suicidal today than I did then I have no one in real life I can talk to about this. I know it's a lot to ask, but will someone be free to chat in about an hour or so? I could really use someone to vent to

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the request",1.5783333333333331,2.9663846111111134,3.512222222222224,91.255,77.8888888888889,6.466666666666668,21.722222222222214,7.1686216300943375,0.5190388888888879,260,7,59,3,6,88,54,72,0.145,0.7440000000000001,0.11,0.0955,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,13,12,7,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,8,3,13,7,2,11,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,44,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652275752501725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526643032000569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763801353391366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190271051486067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591019252504592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169966830593832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175536715588852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444062296524804,0.0,0.12140737464162628,0.18007264131327272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603657179929814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781135378954628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969558584879394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25144604745506266,0.2830435739570517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743557848501036,0.0,0.0,0.2472927281781171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416417069145637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775605759052931,0.0,0.2033859497396336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093986019197432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079690835705726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abcdefghiiiiijk,2018/02/16,"I just took 18 prozac, now what? I read that its not even near a lethal dosage, but fuck, I'm scared. It was a heat of the moment thing and I don't know what to do",-1.4344736842105237,0.11689476315789447,0.2255263157894749,110.36618421052631,88.21052631578947,3.8,9.5,3.1291,-2.4705473684210526,123,0,37,0,4,39,32,38,0.229,0.7709999999999999,0.0,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,7,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28767020870682825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026499166923273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393615154452605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.435658084996261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436051742454391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289353570226664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.483901211830414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImperfectSponge123,2018/02/16,"If I can't enjoy anything, why shouldn't I kill myself? I woke up this morning wanting to die. I spent my day trying to escape reality in whatever way I could, and now I want to die again. I don't care about the possibility of happiness in the future, because I'm sure all the joy in the world wouldn't add up to the pain I've gone through. The world is a shitty place, I don't know why anybody would ever feel like life is worth living.",5.241290322580646,4.294384096774195,6.509161290322584,81.5237419354839,68.24731182795699,9.160430107526883,29.352688172043013,8.238735603445708,1.789543655913978,343,10,76,4,5,117,63,93,0.192,0.607,0.201,-0.2773,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,7,0,9,2,0,0,3,14,18,2,3,7,1,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,10,6,12,11,1,15,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,6,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854624879270436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485403053117584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882372612076996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352903828063156,0.0,0.0,0.13208947963680587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251336770215267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526794330458385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356120488973568,0.14632070613218545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21803061161199627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659873578176684,0.0,0.11256160551837496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466771143974816,0.10006283045679937,0.0,0.1808564223089361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793883560364932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213989295039562,0.0,0.0,0.2308994470017669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930368075651994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390567286331214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161175637564614,0.16257353496044147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36962945584156814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549552410242728,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fishrgood,2018/02/16,"I forgot my own mother's birthday It was Valentine's Day, easiest thing in the world to remember. I still forgot. I'm the closest person in her life. I still forgot. I wish I wasn't around to fuck everything up for everyone around me.",1.126241134751773,3.691293999999999,3.2820212765957457,85.4841666666667,87.72340425531915,6.5375886524822695,22.72695035460993,7.793537801064563,1.5781375886524818,186,7,35,4,6,63,33,47,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.81,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,8,0,8,3,1,10,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,3,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934089260159388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872592942884505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648095997710108,0.2490665826674079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25620222773207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957451210838776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24197923447969644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31393427696108944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426327663849163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411286385772624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31868583359815816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Irrwtd,2018/02/17,"I need help   I just had a panic attack. It feels like my body wants me to kill it. I don't know if I'll have a place to live pretty soon. I'm so scared to talk to people, even writing this is a big deal for me. I dropped out of school at 15 and was a shut in until 19. I don't know how to make friends, I don't know how to be likable. I can't talk to people, I can't cross the street, I can't get a job, I can't drive, I can't even fill out a check I'm so stupid. 
  My grandpa has given up on me. I think I'm too old for anyone to care about me. Too old to be having talks about what I want to do with my life. My life should've already started.
  My grandma tells me that I'm ugly and stupid and I'm never gonna do anything with my life. She beat the shit out of me and all 3 of her foster kids. She turned all of us younger kids against each other. I'm terrified of my grandma. I'm completely reliant on her for food and clothes.
  This past year my mom seemed like she wanted me in her life and I thought we were getting close so I told her some of the things that happened to me when I was little. She was the first person I ever told. Now she doesn't want to be around me and she doesn't talk to me. I regret saying anything at all. 
  The older I get the more I realize how fucked up my childhood was, and that once people find out you've been damaged in that way they want to distance themselves from you, and I guess that's normal, but it hurts to be left alone, abandoned all over again.
  Whatever's wrong with me gets worse and more intense with age. I thought I would even out by my mid-twenties.
  I need help, I don't even know the first move. I want to talk to other people. I need advice on how to talk without being scared. I want support from someone and I want to give support in return. I want to feel needed and helpful. What things can I do to help myself? 
  I want to be normal, live on my own, work, be a productive citizen and all that good stuff. But I feel like I'm trapped, and that no one loves me, and no one wants me to do good or have a nice life. I feel like the only way to get away from this feeling is to die.",0.5700678824721379,2.03462222765958,2.2815197568389074,98.6366666666667,80.97872340425532,4.9868287740628165,19.488348530901717,5.288315135182226,-0.5193353596757855,1637,39,408,6,42,538,202,470,0.135,0.72,0.145,-0.5936,1,2,0,0,0,0,49.0,2,1,1,4,22,26,6,3,16,0,37,10,2,5,7,84,93,28,2,20,6,2,5,4,1,2,5,1,0,4,20,28,1,1,15,0,1,4,15,14,0,4,12,6,73,12,67,72,10,52,0,4,0,2,39,27,2,5,22,268,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483725793360988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871944397695684,0.0732197849204233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639403932966553,0.0,0.10920215046264793,0.059066301131327076,0.0,0.0754836417568433,0.06233878389543063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370080846483347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764908778259975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956757726956429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684047867604999,0.0,0.0,0.06886168054375158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529637565046574,0.06001811955345111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677448528144215,0.142203127165113,0.0,0.0,0.06064345168469853,0.11287595510602888,0.08023168054051039,0.0,0.051262482535214905,0.06134026822713149,0.17332783675489544,0.06364975695812614,0.0,0.11130384744782147,0.0,0.0,0.07309291381146074,0.0,0.05867381511213241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789423659348835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102993008955383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584295536616253,0.0,0.07340735678407281,0.0,0.14585871201740885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209036512347038,0.0,0.23432774839089354,0.1296626456599587,0.0665009572876189,0.11717798754101685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059884209756898815,0.0,0.044289690677303165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770928391281982,0.0,0.07052042609567216,0.0,0.19679318300260676,0.05117384636963177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001944108848593,0.0,0.0,0.1392480581228247,0.07066146279691735,0.08992207191304462,0.05046279202993965,0.0,0.07784839664443377,0.0,0.0,0.0633393698819143,0.1839972298609216,0.057934980814854764,0.06932248970739985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675026422223591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276483888976901,0.13285750094168633,0.06715057684852742,0.0,0.06040329879979697,0.0,0.0,0.06810816801753213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056218838410435484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696345519397144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759558199299586,0.0,0.1505882590427743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199816771806172,0.05799354527616641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816107926203334,0.04251492930764216,0.0,0.10535028662810934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268021127127761,0.0,0.0,0.07217064410162362,0.0,0.0,0.07981187249388505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304897901688278,0.10533239246297096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395982722910086,0.0,0.04830419058061393,0.0,0.06761715882915262,0.04713372213408413,0.07254421082918368,0.0,0.042727755678164385
suicidewatch,wnxthrowaway,2018/02/17,"should i distance myself from these people? hello.
i've been suicidal since early 2015, and atm i just can't deal with it anymore, i was about to finally do it earlier today, but i backed out because... idk i thought i could try life one more time. anyway i still have friends right, i still consider them good friends and all , but they're depressed and negative as fuck just like me , i dont think this is helping but i dont want to lose these friends either. what am i supposed to do?
",1.063213058419244,3.573381773195877,2.1604381443298983,93.9706228522337,86.93814432989691,5.295189003436427,23.54725085910653,6.816661863887847,0.8164302405498279,380,15,79,5,12,120,70,97,0.175,0.589,0.235,0.7791,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,1,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,1,17,16,7,1,3,6,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,14,5,8,11,3,9,0,2,0,1,7,2,1,0,8,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821585228801481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123650352909803,0.0,0.11196797530839653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466513755504241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936322777492615,0.15820098660319967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305368478239719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120950058729886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257258716679231,0.16980670117046176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405980205948255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311502030495168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973670672460433,0.08973544932598393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548791230487734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446448992876535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273387104841788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568594078857184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193975799554424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29336985300682433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009131506857968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769299523592422,0.0,0.14581925671926935,0.10710370886748097,0.0,0.17410460055958554,0.0,0.0,0.124704827644086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833762857712324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CompetantSalad,2018/02/17,"Time to go. I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of everybody lying to me, tired of having did, tired of trying to be happy. My life is horrible. Nothing ever good has happened and if something good were to happen I'd just fuck that up like I do everything else. My stupid eating disorder is making all of my friends hate me.. most of them are gone already. I was horribly mean to the girl I love and now we will never talk again. My only goal was to be 45kg and I can't even reach that. I overdosed so many times last year I lost count I just wish one of them had been successful. This time though.. this time it's going to work. I'll take way more than I need to so I should definitely die. I'm so, so glad it'll finally be over. So glad all the pain will be gone. I can finally be happy.",-0.4613384051845628,1.6762168757396485,1.9320033812341533,95.54477317554243,90.301775147929,5.349225133840519,17.515074668920825,6.868970318607317,-0.01860969287123116,608,16,142,9,21,206,104,169,0.233,0.597,0.17,-0.8703,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,2,4,12,15,3,0,2,0,24,8,0,1,4,17,42,10,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,5,0,1,9,0,20,10,17,24,4,19,0,1,0,2,7,2,1,2,13,91,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919884879695252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250971847952524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309136139682928,0.0,0.1445675989514524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907291685417355,0.10537395221965593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331441329465293,0.1141010337284935,0.0,0.0,0.11336667935120336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763608496550113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097455606611396,0.11661458349533242,0.0,0.0,0.14337676658896098,0.21160083231939106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309072683047287,0.2685571796787895,0.0,0.12453733388611413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282109975873377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890965545791875,0.06162573076201094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376969304592732,0.0,0.11384645650537036,0.0,0.08419956385496136,0.1278863656193374,0.0,0.1374036584706082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353136093892696,0.09728709953063416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103492515660486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547586492733053,0.0959353071752648,0.13422206771669465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710888960474266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968346605480532,0.10138671569000128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393210731742127,0.0,0.29421346305641016,0.4349388162246202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564091661479134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012422043993616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450550062733124,0.0,0.0,0.09183156886076227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123015396100877
suicidewatch,red_herrings,2018/02/17,"I want to cut off my stomach I know, just eat right and exercise.

I lost 11lbs doing keto in a month. Then I auditioned for The Voice and didn't get in. That day after being rejected, I chose to eat cheesecake, and since then, I've been either binge eating or just not sticking to the plan. That was 3 weeks ago. My abdomen is protruding like a gross beach ball. I'm afraid to check the scale. I wish I could be anorexic, but my faith in God keeps me from doing so. It also keeps me from cutting my stomach off.

I want so desperately to EXERCISE, but I have post-concussion syndrome and am prohibited from any exercise or activity that raises my blood pressure. Literally walking for 2 minutes is overkill.

I'm a female and weighed 174 the last time I checked (before binge eating the past 3 weeks).

I'm disgusted and embarrassed even sharing this here. I'm a fat, lazy slob. If I had just stuck to the plan, I could have been down another 8 lbs. Now I'm probably back at 185lbs where I started. There's no excuse. I CHOSE to binge eat. I CHOSE to ruin my food plan. I CHOSE to be a fat, freaking slob with no self-control. I wish I were able to just not care and starve myself! I clearly don't have the self-control to eat in moderation.

I know cutting off my stomach is STUPID as heck and I would just bleed to death, but that's where we are, folks!",1.9871428571428569,4.0607850952380975,3.3738644688644683,89.57530219780222,79.0,6.544322344322345,24.419413919413923,7.61054688173877,1.1489150183150183,1053,38,223,16,26,344,149,273,0.212,0.691,0.096,-0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,0,4,15,17,5,3,12,0,23,19,7,0,1,36,41,20,1,8,14,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,6,10,10,2,2,5,3,1,6,13,0,0,8,1,32,4,29,27,1,27,1,3,0,0,3,12,1,3,15,138,38,0,0.11134298372595833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986988370218486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904094385853684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571704704725346,0.11675282661025932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561588169304031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474467835254052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352159252948492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976124786947454,0.17779662488826725,0.0,0.0,0.07180701332802117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835900149480921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735409906503064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346363778850294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817211348463259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979335196734166,0.0,0.0,0.12238238397040692,0.09075939248673263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054396557697156685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154401951638308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887290733603265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062894766876438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663580036600627,0.0,0.120046568382696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508629973424117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323100300572544,0.0,0.0,0.09210406672475893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880913696042548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492498920716269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313459531976105,0.0,0.17862525087943618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560778726820955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909486105265316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LogicalMurloc,2018/02/17,Frequency of thought I'm trying to understand someone that is experiencing problems. Many people have suicidal thoughts usually it's fairly sporadic that something happens like a break up or something. Or is that notion incorrect? Is there a typical level of frequency people are more prone to searching for a way to suicide such as daily or weekly? Is it tied to an emotion or feeling or just tied to some idea that fits the moment?,6.385769230769231,8.533346294871794,6.877435897435897,68.90923076923079,66.82051282051282,9.302564102564103,38.641025641025635,9.725611199111238,4.470779487179488,353,20,51,8,6,115,56,78,0.145,0.807,0.047,-0.8818,0,0,2,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,12,6,2,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,10,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,4,37,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923180336069025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753534377969033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806862842848135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400852455018941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039027199828116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156200189800699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29488543218513324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035021488851767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019963098507927,0.3274566529169088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652659120418771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376818751743145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443930005870752,0.0,0.0,0.22140315049824166,0.0,0.0,0.2342324976173059,0.0,0.0,0.16881225928246532,0.1705958079858024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wxcazee,2018/02/17,"I got used on Valentine's day. Need someone to pretend to care about my life TLDR : I met this girl online. I saw her once, she ghosted me after that. Then reappeared 6 months later. We met IRL on Valentine's day. Now she is extremely cold and distant. She pretends to feel ashamed of ""stealing my virginity"" (of course I know this is bullshit).

She is the final straw. Seriously considering suicide. (I was already suicidal before that)

She was like, my best friend. And now I realized I'm worse than before I knew her.

Sometimes I chat with girls online to get those sweet endorphins.",2.2967103538663167,5.15910140366973,3.3601900393184816,84.83892201834864,85.42201834862385,5.6830930537352575,27.051769331585845,7.1686216300943375,1.7382393184796854,459,21,81,7,14,147,76,109,0.188,0.6829999999999999,0.129,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,10,17,3,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,4,20,5,12,10,1,11,0,0,1,1,14,2,0,0,10,49,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325868551208607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586947405920031,0.0,0.2211871815251602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148912154856812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27185482568784736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657023322649882,0.0,0.0,0.23088517417823404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283822209409396,0.0,0.11011716710049577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685697902132763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583214549516425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887111215916196,0.1029702115810516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168232374613896,0.0,0.0,0.15628121413339882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244601978554909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858237139923358,0.0,0.20845415804622436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610902333676002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203519608325933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147897913299337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whzucje,2018/02/17,"I'm losing my mind lately So many things happened so suddenly it would fill a book if I went into detail. I broke up with my girlfriend months ago and as revenge she claimed I was abusive and sexually assaulted her and tried to have me arrested, my father whom I've looked up to almost all my life got drunk and tried to kill me and my family and even still I forgave him and took care of him after he got out of the psych ward, I clean, I cook, I do fucking everything and yet I don't even have my own room I sleep on a fucking couch which kills my back. I'm not talking about average every day cleaning either, I paid almost $100 to steam clean our carpets and barely even got a thank you. Our carpets were disgusting almost black with grossness. All my friends left me since my ex claimed I was abusive they didn't even ask me my side they just left. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple months now but my stupid fucking brain switches to ""happy mode"" whenever I'm there so I can't even plea to her to help me. I just want to end it all I'm so tired of people. I want to say I could just not do anything and sit around and do nothing but I can't I just can't do nothing but everything I do do is in vain. I didn't want my life to be like this, I was doing so well in life and all of the sudden it's gone. I feel such a blistering rage towards everything and everyone now. I used to be so nice and optimistic and now all I see are lies and untruths everywhere. I hate being complimented. I hate being told I did good or some shit like that. I hate girls and when they try to talk to me. I used to be the opposite always seeking female attention. Now a bloodthirsty rage bubbles to the surface of myself. I can't even think straight i don't know if any of this makes sense. I have nobody to talk to and that one day a week I do have someone I can't bring myself to tell them how truthfully buried in I truly am. ",3.0437215836526192,3.915899170370373,4.366181353767562,88.63333333333334,73.34567901234567,7.561515538527032,25.817369093231157,7.873277556716777,1.2560344827586205,1504,48,334,20,29,498,202,405,0.173,0.695,0.132,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,2,1,4,1,30,29,14,0,12,0,37,12,3,4,6,60,72,33,2,7,13,2,1,2,2,1,4,1,7,1,10,23,2,0,4,3,1,5,11,18,1,1,16,6,66,11,40,49,8,41,0,2,4,3,27,16,4,7,21,228,76,2,0.0,0.20067678834118394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506852966815811,0.0,0.25440069505656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070465067024583,0.0,0.0,0.057589000682893875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968889842206266,0.07538799267723151,0.0791694512627831,0.0,0.0,0.06511787320773371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453695408506753,0.0,0.0,0.0863424463136251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676144299824359,0.09370282454199214,0.0,0.10923020114620233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750061606076473,0.0,0.0,0.33560359199994544,0.0,0.07135113254997108,0.08092056351551563,0.2283294288397256,0.0,0.07983389254882113,0.0,0.04281950111451905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542775802718802,0.2348709638163104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103012610936736,0.20319203875356195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488705165715348,0.09014922167871056,0.0,0.2508280076489407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676286287088465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738377618697746,0.0,0.04654090108431928,0.0,0.0955288608035186,0.0,0.1840219486892737,0.0,0.17944748434970706,0.08274605311571682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111443793411351,0.0947413415430107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652818633477146,0.08585774052059585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550814957593474,0.0,0.13519021464404032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251592024997233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057385043324701124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058710218651346874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734525798378589,0.0,0.0,0.1349666569684572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692838341695573,0.07005266803655474,0.0,0.08474659512629525,0.0,0.07175369537674567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762989883537465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042008376528135,0.07401880400273678,0.07796697191347668,0.0,0.09832631869344298,0.05626124093199732,0.05426300814387108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733345131542323,0.0,0.08092056351551563,0.09408863572946374,0.17248755708357366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628205354496054,0.0,0.0,0.1498489933912494,0.0,0.06792954886670452,0.0,0.07614237756100528,0.07850424789291753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015810421571195,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChrisTaliaferro,2018/02/17,"I'm... not feeling to hot. I'm failing everyone. My parents, my son, everyone. 

They'd be sad but is one day of sadness worse than a lifetime of a failure coming up short?",0.4392857142857132,2.657239142857144,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,86.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,31.607142857142854,7.1686216300943375,2.229142857142857,130,8,26,2,4,46,29,35,0.426,0.574,0.0,-0.9504,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,5,5,0,4,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,15,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30850365089431503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309689893773136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6844312499252839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810850258313393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24268316496715325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976691902600488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649725981984403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brandon0420,2018/02/17,"I Am Nothing I don't have abusive parents, or a troubled childhood. If anything, I shouldn't feel like this. I just feel like a stain upon society, I'm only in high school and I am already setting myself for failure. I have all B/s and a C and no college is going to accept me. I'm nothing but reasons for my parents to argue(they have nothing about me to be proud about), a pathetic excuse of a role model to my younger brother, a hinderance to my girlfriend from having someone who deserves her, an annoyance to my friends, but most of all, a burden to society. I'm not going to contribute to society, I'll be a leech. So why exactly should I be alive? I know what my future is going to be and it won't be a happy one. Besides, everyone would be happier if I just simply died, they may not realize it then, but once time passes, they'll be happier. I know it sounds like I'm just being angsty but these are just the thoughts I can't keep down anymore.",3.064615384615383,4.387297512820517,4.971282051282053,82.57538461538464,73.87179487179488,7.661538461538463,31.461538461538463,8.238735603445708,2.4355230769230767,745,36,146,12,15,256,110,195,0.17,0.71,0.119,-0.8123,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,7,10,1,0,11,0,25,0,0,1,3,34,38,13,1,5,13,3,2,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,8,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,1,3,22,7,20,23,3,13,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,5,7,108,29,2,0.0,0.18801138386949773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510875214706104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736920323644607,0.0,0.0,0.13058118321483955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646861290820653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162677513241216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046805866665448,0.22672389415288674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259677296864285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705467060388116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689191865454438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765549774621258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104322374945855,0.0,0.0,0.1744141769803381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325709926587283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567769394695601,0.0,0.0,0.16899039772790747,0.10752655051011653,0.12068427340811022,0.0,0.0,0.35239359333888515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315079703406668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059393961182075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445014420498122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259752213819859,0.09252833774477552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318518519570433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272263741167607,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ravishing_Zenith,2018/02/17,"I think my online friend may have gone ahead and killed herself and I don't know what to do Basically the title. Last year, around the end of October I met someone online through an anonymous chat service, and funny enough we started talking semi regularly online. Fast forward to December, out of nowhere she told me she wanted to kill herself. I tried to talk her out of it and, at least for awhile she was ok.

A month later, she messaged me from the hospital and after a little prodding I found out she tried to kill herself. Again I tried to talk it out with her but I don't think I got through.

Now it's been three weeks since I've heard anything from her, and that's more time than normally passed between our chats. Not to mention I messaged her a few times this past week because of my growing concern to no response. 

Assuming she's still alive, how best can I help her through this / talk her out of it? Is there anything I can do for her?",5.143120567375885,5.704947000000002,5.2072340425531936,85.63333333333334,68.36170212765957,7.7560283687943254,32.156028368794324,7.492282038375204,1.977179432624113,748,31,151,7,12,234,113,188,0.06,0.83,0.11,0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,2,6,6,3,0,7,1,11,0,0,1,0,25,22,8,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,14,0,0,5,2,0,4,4,3,0,1,8,1,33,3,32,13,5,29,0,0,0,0,32,9,0,2,18,111,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23395737859143245,0.1265450993156418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665432158497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917937826372651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590416200650953,0.1468806457585507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558619383003852,0.10982600601926973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113691653940637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528124923275304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718091912045826,0.0,0.07812282487968916,0.11587256099117177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247328990241642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346408447216708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927842754978542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356998271226762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117589307251695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044462500268875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061566388782753,0.0,0.11352248495951835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570244210595065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217006477758405,0.0,0.0,0.16577953125585004,0.0,0.0,0.13583198574593852,0.0,0.2895349016030445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384472149843064,0.0,0.2280509455824802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154099685040344
suicidewatch,vogel-chen,2018/02/17,"How do I talk to people? I'm at an all time low and continue to get worse every day. I've crossed some dangerous lines that I can't uncross -- like writing notes to leave behind, trying to make plans on how I'm going to do it -- and it honestly scares me a little bit how close I am to just ending it all. Because it's not that I want to die. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I can't stand this constant feeling of being so lonely and sad that I'm in physical pain nearly all of the time. 

One of the worst parts (and one of the things that pushed me so far) is that my best friend, who was always my confidant and helped me keep my head afloat through some pretty tough times, abandoned me almost six months ago, and I haven't had anyone to talk to about serious things since then. So no one knows how bad I've been getting and how seriously I'm considering killing myself soon. But I feel so terrible, I'm in desperate need of help. It's the last chance for me to get better. 

I have one friend who I've known for a long time (for me, at least) and have discussed aspects of my depression with and who I feel like I could trust, and who is probably the only person left in my life who I feel like could help me in any way. But I don't know how to initiate a conversation like that, and I don't know what I would say. I'm really bad when it comes to things that are this serious because I want to be honest but it's really hard for me to do so without worrying that I'm just being attention-seeking or overly selfish or anything like that. I end up trying to be vague and apologising for everything. 

If someone could please, PLEASE try to help me. I don't know what words to use to communicate how serious my situation is and how much I need someone there for me without being selfish and worrying people too much and being a bad friend. I'm desperate. ",7.143854346574553,5.105027536269431,7.691468048359244,78.11344847438112,65.08808290155439,11.272078295912491,33.361542890040305,9.994966539143718,2.8825318364997115,1463,46,316,26,18,488,176,386,0.189,0.7,0.112,-0.9546,0,2,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,0,3,22,35,2,1,10,0,30,3,1,10,3,68,59,36,2,10,12,0,5,6,3,1,2,1,0,1,29,18,0,2,9,0,0,4,11,21,0,5,3,6,36,14,47,46,12,37,0,5,0,0,19,15,0,6,22,212,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524766131158345,0.0,0.08500258552050018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063321369424587,0.0,0.0,0.057726421948251685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418560613665332,0.0593553250758196,0.0,0.06985519296596845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263259087554764,0.10349328398356772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908421113192821,0.07507610978794807,0.09267518204100222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312307877130007,0.0,0.0917332481938776,0.0,0.20332732303076734,0.0,0.0,0.05474542539449765,0.0,0.07311349333552583,0.0,0.08809983982852056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037028684685996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715213935859929,0.0,0.07629142600212116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168671514625425,0.12128731710133454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675165338269807,0.0,0.1330506708696569,0.0,0.048243531702814264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604254092792212,0.0,0.08711908169328733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22759325108752906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754519247643103,0.0939154595682998,0.0,0.18660783566215236,0.0691946555071862,0.0,0.08988362288986074,0.09223053475324457,0.0,0.05995856313003916,0.24883051555342364,0.08507959200560239,0.07495723203584152,0.07512278060254153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666307624087144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775640557463855,0.0,0.12480418341264612,0.12588603534631254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008791159415826,0.06456078126517682,0.09032630227561844,0.0,0.0,0.0919249078408779,0.0,0.1177006308271804,0.07412050490133228,0.0,0.1863620031391697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863611216112179,0.091523099884949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876223312240273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750596003553602,0.08498721248563951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021983062262363,0.09541712488157424,0.0,0.0,0.14384983404980994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645874011532869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918648152566929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979943734266013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289915405646475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331555892843812,0.0,0.0,0.1502065692831773,0.06737975918876005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636570728407799,0.0,0.0,0.17241478652404513,0.08650763117410612,0.06030165598262612,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Johnnyguy,2018/02/17,i cut myself today 10 times.  i dont normally do this. i feel so fucking helpless and lost.  drinking has started to take its toll again.  i feel so out of control of my life,-0.4291666666666672,1.8126344166666684,1.968,93.77700000000004,93.72222222222223,3.9911111111111115,23.86666666666667,5.6839178017228535,0.4846733333333342,133,6,28,1,5,45,29,36,0.227,0.773,0.0,-0.8039,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,6,9,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,4,8,0,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34739134046018577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630041880615348,0.30341993764193564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132201210072396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863427090960323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187732275384595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381096164828681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303472091600357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923026060071688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328802964126361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060751395529764,0.0,0.2935901978348216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qatillion,2018/02/17,I'm so ashamed I've had to have a friend spent the night till I fell asleep because I don't trust that I'm not going to kill myself if given the chance. I'm torn and heated down and I just need help,2.312101449275364,2.3377778913043485,3.4726086956521733,97.47601449275363,74.43478260869566,6.133333333333334,19.68115942028985,3.1291,-0.6619188405797103,157,2,41,0,3,51,35,46,0.163,0.603,0.234,0.5489,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,10,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,2,4,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907681076528791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685205695134496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27108387867847045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31971571674058913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277177302125384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536813488630097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447621926733826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,philhalo66,2018/02/17,i just want to die... I had a really big fight with the only woman i ever loved and she is ignoring me and its my fault and i admitted it and said i was sorry and got no response. i dont want to live without her.. i just wish i could die right now. i been suicidal for years but after this im on the edge of just doing it. i dont know what to do,-0.3493392857142865,0.793322887500004,3.02714285714286,93.71500000000002,82.625,6.571428571428572,17.67857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.034482142857142684,261,5,68,4,7,96,55,80,0.202,0.718,0.079,-0.8057,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,19,17,6,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,1,14,1,9,11,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266629048372286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422890753397084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775531882276849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429050522016524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294596290788213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006939838188955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196775210739343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799022585619687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838793243260592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549500968575907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305182358895514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398908065113775,0.19379920105227225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22806531290492896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285366781451435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403370591554337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342858738198036,0.19639383841987934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119904021384685
suicidewatch,theowawaymisav,2018/02/17,Hi I could use someone to talk to. I don’t know if that’s what this is for but I just need someone to listen I guess,-1.6240476190476194,-0.07134864285714038,1.114285714285714,103.69738095238097,89.0,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-1.3076809523809525,90,2,25,0,3,31,22,28,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30249901876072577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173709893454812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821852545238864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28092930355091983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6420352119972018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045235217597801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272243637279004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Impulse3000,2018/02/17,"How do I live? So many emotions, but I'm empty at the same time.

I'm broken, and half the time I just want to go quietly in the night

I fail, and I keep failing, I've lost myself, lost control of my life.

How do I fix myself, how do I learn to live with myself?

People say you have to love yourself and learn to be alone, but I don't feel I can, and I only suffer in loneliness.

I'm happiest when I'm making others happy.    
I'm at my best when I'm bettering other people's lives.    
I live to help others live.

I simply go to waste, and feel useless when I have nothing to do, no motivation, and no woman to love me, and accept me as I am.

Edit: To clarify, I have ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, anger management issues, low self esteem, little motivation, I'm physically unfit, but fit enough to ride long distances.",3.6753402286336403,4.114928880239525,6.0171366358192735,78.96317909635277,71.57485029940119,8.707457811649427,25.96026129559064,8.841846274778883,1.868729341317365,621,18,126,11,11,222,92,167,0.249,0.521,0.23,-0.4932,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,9,8,15,1,0,3,0,11,3,0,7,0,27,29,18,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,8,0,2,7,0,0,3,3,9,0,1,2,4,22,6,17,26,3,17,0,8,0,2,7,7,0,0,7,80,25,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338794579200192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080532382326882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400294688354088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267328992983871,0.1202385410666932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248178541302645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709530229767234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292775870812725,0.0,0.14047481093763986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374828837564011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452936717779522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472348628767304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112579402650084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189861977270546,0.0,0.12084042953156487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602695418787456,0.0,0.13625967096853112,0.6002407588674762,0.12031328695686995,0.0,0.0,0.2968154469154368,0.0,0.2454040678660943,0.0,0.09074904971497187,0.13783404117683531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275817902014125,0.0,0.13044965956361573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339766100529757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850406838157005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811452765607116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182763921405495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585494684492179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018804206493248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrClouDD,2018/02/17,"Rant cause I can't anymore I've been contemplating either suicide or cutting again for the last couple days. My fiance would probably I'll me if she found out which wouldn't be bad. Then again, she'll probably get pissed at me for my insecurities again. Everything else seems so important but me. She stopped doing certain things with me after her ex cane back into her life. I enjoyed doing those things. They helped me keep sane. I tried to hug her but she just pushed me away. I don't want to ask her to just be there for me for a bit because I want her to see how much I'm hurting. It's always ""I've got X and Y to deal with, I don't need your stupid insecurity bullshit."" I've got a lot of fucking insecurities. Too much for me to even handle, but all I want her to do is be with me. Not next to me; be with me. Everything would be a lot easier if I just drove off of a bridge or find the gun and off myself somewhere secluded. I promised her I wouldn't do that, but feeling like this doesn't feel good. I want to cry but I can't. ",1.1618199608610558,3.0557564018264856,2.9712067840834955,92.33493150684929,80.87214611872146,6.180560991519897,20.930854533594264,7.2636822038024595,0.4105292889758645,808,23,187,11,21,269,120,219,0.17,0.698,0.132,-0.5746,0,0,0,1,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,0,13,15,4,3,6,0,21,4,1,2,2,44,39,14,1,11,14,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,5,3,39,6,27,24,7,18,0,1,1,2,17,6,2,7,11,130,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548202393604536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763955615876894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297472471365523,0.0,0.13039509277715108,0.10671874887760203,0.11588147022620755,0.08460335636111617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151961847671447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257263018579008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535653378837814,0.1524511635427601,0.08950622795053982,0.14308345396982347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159388521647947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166760136347586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494658765444143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403499027656157,0.0991495652262533,0.0,0.0,0.12684893760547938,0.0,0.0,0.15217294265273104,0.0,0.12830648059912544,0.07251055584410952,0.0,0.0,0.11640807381451325,0.22200151908620194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302609882492696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857451084574044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336039273776672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131300481118878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802946603175924,0.06780438939473953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23598373784284665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404904353590125,0.10290891060122484,0.0,0.0,0.1476017048616999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992720353166026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059538696785642,0.12634660573837134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603226899278665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151810612260222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844080264541259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422736227983748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274410195444967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971808138226083,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sidhuwoosemaala,2018/02/17,"I'm gonna run away from home. I'm gonna escape at around 3AM with all the cash I saved up, go to the airport, buy a ticket to Goa, just take in some of the vibes one last time, and then I'm going to fucking end my life. 

And that'll be that.",3.19157894736842,1.5193871052631565,4.6550877192982485,95.52894736842107,72.68421052631578,7.6,22.508771929824558,3.1291,-0.2262701754385969,183,2,52,0,3,62,44,57,0.0,0.913,0.087,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,11,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,7,2,12,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,4,27,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120128297502105,0.0,0.0,0.3292994481431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043251834663704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240248720608218,0.0,0.0,0.3983861799955911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35157277579063445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28569834660353804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475633735787152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375029380306874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635269062334798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437512373664732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arushan,2018/02/17,How could people 'feel worthless'? How is that a feeling? Isn't it more like a realization? Aren't you just remembering the logical conclusion you made but you forgot because of all the distractions in life?,3.528648648648648,6.739701864864867,4.517621621621622,75.85372972972975,84.4054054054054,8.365405405405406,29.021621621621623,8.841846274778883,3.3952529729729743,167,8,27,5,5,54,30,37,0.141,0.825,0.034,-0.5958,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,3,1,13,8,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,1,2,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501415520072633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276258464363979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149639448346402,0.29314943512027336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898377065676033,0.20047307725843527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882768840792598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284480473844269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648391252028772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forlithium,2018/02/17,"slipping back into self destruction 22yo college student here, I thought I was doing better but the pressure is so high at the moment I feel like I’m cracking under it and my inner voice just kept telling me this would all be over if I’d just end it, which isn’t uncommon since I have passive thoughts on a regular basis but it got real again this time. 
I was on the verge of a panic attack and doing something stupid, I needed it to be quiet in my head so I kept punching the wall until the pain almost made me chuck up. now my knuckles hurt, they’re bleeding a bit and swelling really fast but at least it’s quieter now. 
I know this is self destructive but I’ve done worse stuff, at least it helps even though it fucking hurts now. I know nobody can really say anything to help me, it’s all on me but since I don’t talk to anyone about how I feel and what I do I just needed to put it somewhere. I’ll lay down now, hope for my mind to stay quiet and a better tomorrow [I know, joke’s on me] with more passive than active thoughts. ",3.0772151162790697,4.204044986046519,4.194811046511628,88.92151889534884,73.55813953488372,6.6773255813953485,25.065406976744185,6.9077264865688965,0.8938895348837206,812,25,172,7,16,265,128,215,0.174,0.708,0.118,-0.9548,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,16,15,5,2,9,0,15,4,1,2,2,37,32,16,0,5,9,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,15,7,0,2,8,1,0,1,2,10,0,0,10,6,23,5,24,19,6,31,0,2,0,1,7,17,1,3,13,117,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213774998500924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226871226471194,0.0,0.10859090893259456,0.0,0.0,0.15012226834711745,0.0,0.10146822807499843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334137994570642,0.14406491237135152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503974231844634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687639409363924,0.0,0.0,0.08715759114553634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344474231476147,0.09427144530576377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199385181946068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553956548661617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542787393137473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689850212395272,0.13942179446983927,0.0,0.13106493570731334,0.0,0.0,0.2825294057732522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175634368911848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446843989412056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486267635464715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324084457985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569166471040308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041354476550058,0.15482530544956136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265511474588015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501980870561022,0.16907246620955224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493899232656184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753237675980787,0.0,0.0,0.2183154868992587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158838743584342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406506010326216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106133881009814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060635436805626,0.11533787140788115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296489228241349,0.3142818158650305,0.07694628008689558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447736524582088,0.09373979736172383,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CJDoesStuff,2018/02/17,"I don't know what to do. It all started in six grade. A kid randomly started to say that I was stupid and started to blame things that he did on me. This would go on until he moved or something. Then it went to seventh grade. I used to be in sped classes and I finally got out of them.  But then I started to fail math, and I was instantly put back in without a choice. Kids found out and I was started to be called stupid. Which I didn't really care about. Then it reached the people who I thought were my friends. They started to call me Billy Wonka because I showed them a video about a kid named Billy getting bullied or something a year beforehand. Then after they got over that they called me gay and then fat and then retard. Then it got to the point where I can't focus on my grades and I started to fail Langued Arts and Science. Then I was forced to meet with my teachers after school and in homeroom. I didn't want to do it cause then I would seem more stupid. then the verbal taunts became physical at sleepovers they would steal my phone and lock it out. they would make dares to punch me. They would spit, punch, and kick me. there was even a time when they shot me with an airsoft gun close range. At school, it wasn't any better. At lunch and during bake sales they would steal food I bought. shut my locker so I would be late. exclude me. tell me to not sit at there table cause I'll infect them. Then said that I'm a horrible person because I used to make some jokes that weren't the safest for work. But always made jokes like that to me. spread rumors. They made fun of my lisp and then the gym. In gym class, they would call me CPAM which basically meant ""Aids Monkey"". Then I would crack, sometimes cry and they would call me a baby. I would sometimes talk to my mom about it but if they ever found out then they would call me a pussy for telling on them. I've talked about this to them many times and they don't care and I can't leave because then I won't even have anyone to talk to. This meant that I stopped showing up to those after school teachers meeting which deeply effects my grades and I'm just disappointing my parents and my teachers now. I have no chance in life it feels like and I just can't do anything about it. I've never told my parents about my feeling because they think its because of youtube or something. It just seems like I can't exist and then it would be better. ",2.0754697600283336,4.108407637474542,2.391563357832286,96.92765850526877,78.53156822810591,5.002762773399452,21.26454440804038,5.65599545731,-0.14586145399805162,1894,52,418,9,46,575,211,491,0.112,0.8420000000000001,0.046,-0.9794,3,0,3,1,0,0,44.0,0,0,20,6,19,19,3,0,15,0,40,8,2,9,3,80,78,46,0,15,12,3,2,3,1,14,3,3,1,4,30,27,4,1,12,8,2,4,15,8,0,1,25,5,70,11,59,35,3,68,0,3,0,1,50,24,0,8,42,277,100,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051921225499176514,0.0,0.0,0.042433671278360036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363104914323917,0.0,0.05134931622925728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798121851875915,0.0,0.19019020423669625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037423959710158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823000394668971,0.0,0.12724051262553385,0.12820256226175394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854271314381458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242831289478418,0.056443749273777835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310193311399437,0.044578080282941565,0.0,0.06835539520234996,0.0,0.0,0.07545349461022909,0.13683524761778215,0.04820955292996528,0.0,0.032601064587659385,0.0,0.03546296646307838,0.0,0.14971928799954953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034293029470770016,0.0,0.07038914078842154,0.06607186065395733,0.0,0.0,0.044074478762318924,0.09145545440599252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118087473737715,0.0833040493305202,0.06326310744676429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308131894258603,0.0,0.06632059249505792,0.0,0.0,0.0481261954781826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857410092349606,0.0,0.0,0.04325982547691445,0.05448467155627102,0.0,0.0,0.058987518183129764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272854241180405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03997459648506913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935603410813151,0.049622436672862265,0.0,0.18945430237208533,0.0,0.11361197845355628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411411460515874,0.12342902835175686,0.0,0.3091658747066626,0.0,0.0,0.05216861809498601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504626077371592,0.10907949643941146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145532957876328,0.039982958947852566,0.0,0.04953808290396288,0.07277108015183087,0.0,0.0,0.05962521577313985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778594003097744,0.0,0.0,0.03680473036839356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784478649639865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015070912873896,0.0,0.04542744161747365,0.0,0.0,0.5762468432118906,0.0,0.0,0.04018311047519102
suicidewatch,Rvsj,2018/02/17,"Been thinking about ending it all These past few months have been pretty rough. Dropped out of school and ended up taking online classes in which I’m not really happy about, made a shitty move to broke up with my boyfriend, failed some of my classes and now procrastinating my paperworks that are due this week. I also don’t have a path in life right now, school year’s almost over and I still don’t know what and where to go to college. Wrote a suicide note a few days ago already but idk what’s stopping me but there’s always this urge to kill myself ",5.395597402597407,5.996132663636367,5.12766233766234,86.2886363636364,67.81818181818181,7.376623376623378,25.714285714285715,6.868970318607317,0.9314285714285716,443,11,89,3,7,136,80,110,0.189,0.792,0.019,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,1,17,14,7,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,1,7,1,15,10,4,24,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,2,13,58,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456703824873526,0.0,0.19719748546542956,0.0,0.2173177437046968,0.15748527866458906,0.16386198190981416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700390420390925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34884400601867305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192016199874676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963621771263208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217874460638994,0.0,0.10822787252702974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909786165871868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634043495075064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718807518239727,0.2093059942863964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187992479974841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003491531395729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615874419590514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817760192010706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986084325445861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726898060933622,0.164642746244042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154100435032104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806725492840145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618513590203628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796579748734932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681680870321996
suicidewatch,throwawayz1z1z1,2018/02/17,"Im tired Why isnt it ok to end your suffering?

I wish I had the balls to do it now.",-4.489696969696968,-3.26494390909091,0.14272727272727434,107.1007575757576,101.72727272727272,4.751515151515153,11.87878787878788,6.42735559955562,-1.3011393939393932,62,1,21,1,3,24,18,22,0.321,0.569,0.11,-0.6355,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38083349519467546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644507702689909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941972521125702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38798888911485935,0.0,0.49445427378287504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nidsan,2018/02/17,"Maybe this time I'll be free Sometimes I wonder if suicide is the only way out. To most, it may not seem like a choice, to me, it's always in my mind, as a choice of action, perhaps the next plausible choice of action.
A list of things I append to the back of my mind, and one of them, suicide.
The thought is always present, always there, so easy to grasp but still so difficult to execute. I've thought of so many ways of rendering it, of fulfilling it, and I have done so - multiple times in the past, now I feel the day will come when I'll succeed. It's coming.  I'll allow anything to end my world now, it matters not to me. If there's a car, I'll take my chances and not evade.

Sometimes as the days pass, I feel like I'm slowly losing my battle, that one of these days, I will eventually lose my fight. I am greatly aware of the large repertoire or myriad of things in life that I can do and accomplish. Oh! how society romanticised life, the human potential and the wastefulness of suicide. I can look at it but I cant see, like a shade had been passed over my eyes.
 I know what others know what I am capable of, but I've always held them up against a juxtaposition of simply giving up. To forfeit. The thought creeping in by the day and becoming more alluring as time passes. 
 ‎
I make more than twice a month than the average of peers my age make, but it doesn't matter when there's no one to appreciate it with.
I can't stand this overbearing weight, the pressure, the burden, the expectations, the immense effort passing of as just as expected, I feel a massive guilt and wrenching twisting pain within my soul at every moment.

I'm certainly not at peace and I feel as if I'm chasing and living a life of not my own. Sometimes with suicide, it's like quitting that game that you no longer want to play, except in life you're  supposed to be like in a sandbox, but yet I feel like a helpless fish stuck in a rampaging river. Oh I could fight against the current, but why? Is anything worth this much pain? What's worth suffering for?

And the unforgiving pain that feels like someone dear to me has passed away the day before, and it stabs and twists the heart everyday. The shaking anxiety, the crushing depression, yet also the beautiful mania. This is the pain I bear, and I'm fighting such an uphill battle, and no longer do I ever have help for it, no counselling, no listening ear, the significant other of my life has abandoned me. 

I've spent years, months at a time like this, a cursed life.
 ‎I am always to play the facade of the strong stable man, till the day I pop just like a balloon, and the mirages fade, then my true self revealed, I had all along been a mere Impostor.",4.715650319829424,5.347799925373137,5.4627953091684445,83.17346268656719,69.33582089552239,8.588400852878465,29.49339019189765,8.676224119757912,2.1047836460554366,2104,76,428,33,35,685,253,536,0.234,0.65,0.116,-0.9974,1,0,0,0,4,4,73.0,0,1,2,7,21,38,5,3,47,0,29,14,3,4,4,74,59,41,4,7,18,0,7,9,0,3,10,2,0,3,30,21,1,2,15,3,4,11,13,20,0,4,11,12,41,19,67,42,6,65,1,6,3,0,13,18,0,8,42,281,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056666273652809185,0.2948036790146359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054207282514116766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662257347535905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657478240500488,0.05448654035779537,0.0,0.0,0.07825869136001007,0.060296169807028725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207827742892245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056575502032363424,0.0,0.0,0.2741908850765026,0.0,0.06103113731799796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251381549997989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276043727648165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409642601195267,0.0597021397006665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497199100475084,0.15186600791265306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797483773066185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812278976707299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396878511083583,0.04749559324168996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788499716903391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003007351586522,0.31156511618089017,0.0,0.0625701893405991,0.0,0.059504088534310766,0.1585471906635258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459846135505247,0.07184035677855917,0.07118783802495504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309568213097726,0.0,0.11311866809106252,0.0,0.052089846266562816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753598250861271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404858413007046,0.05389180200527618,0.3015977875553997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764335946354018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536774346489256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056465804545004585,0.06450777867092361,0.07392185642388938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060038978952735286,0.0,0.21024541296243188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658844539550504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31003493345466865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327748509537142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415173511093264,0.0,0.0,0.16876345599722314,0.16527485203498474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179473736773106,0.11248986056872494,0.0,0.08628771601977084,0.0,0.0,0.06393962885753378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684404691517202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563116023725499
suicidewatch,-MuscleMuseum-,2018/02/17,"I have a serve speech impediment that makes me essentially unemployable. Like the title states, I have a severe speech impediment that not only stops me from getting any job, but living a normal life. I graduated from university last summer and have watched all my peers and fellow students excel in amazing careers since then whilst I've been losing motivation day by day. I have no confidence, no desire to keep living and have been depressed for years. I've been trying so fucking hard to stand out from the rest of the job seeking crowd, have sent out between 200-300 applications for absolutely anything, have had my fair share of interviews, but I've never received an offer due to my basic inability to talk. I'm skint, massively in debt and I feel no reason to continue on like this. 

Because of all of this I've made my choice; If I don't receive an offer or an interview in my sector by the 16th of March, I'm ending it. I can't keep living like this, ",8.45135265700483,7.293978869565219,8.80072463768116,68.37954106280196,61.93478260869566,11.438647342995164,35.66183574879227,10.504223727775694,3.6597241545893713,768,28,137,15,9,256,112,184,0.131,0.698,0.171,0.8487,5,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,1,9,1,0,10,0,13,2,0,4,3,24,23,10,0,3,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,6,6,0,3,3,0,1,3,7,3,0,0,6,5,14,6,24,17,3,24,0,2,1,1,11,6,1,2,16,85,20,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161490217695411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405528362002609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411734599785608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203021559738599,0.0,0.14710873188516368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127701606142105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636099095549102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579007123226395,0.08923530881084321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530021512430833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33898285267511324,0.3036275922266501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392237952327041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064022364844043,0.2503309575799549,0.0,0.4524553340576055,0.0,0.0,0.19108013702038976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161392762716967,0.11400950645667846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317305422293561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734653235981992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990016244813715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560958391488385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295399620658807,0.0,0.14128650902617765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279542109502774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728158303755295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596115453244815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998880918726896
suicidewatch,Bumblebee1893,2018/02/17,"My life is falling apart My husband keeps leaving “just for the night” he’s told me I’m a bitch and I’m hateful, I’m trying so hard to be happy all the time. I guess it’s not working. I break down in a panic attack everytime he leaves. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. I’ve honestly felt like my depression has been under control lately. It’s been a few months since I’ve thought of killing myself. Now everything I look at I think of how I could just end it right now and how fucking awesome it would be. ",-0.16934368383909515,1.978154761467892,1.9699082568807358,95.87323923782641,88.54128440366972,4.821736062103035,21.228652081863093,6.297961479604792,0.2028709950599863,395,14,90,4,13,132,74,109,0.21600000000000005,0.6659999999999999,0.118,-0.8853,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,5,1,5,0,10,4,1,3,1,17,22,6,1,2,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,5,3,12,3,8,13,2,15,0,1,1,1,4,6,2,1,8,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050420664142547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021476304043339,0.14390209338573742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523518318491214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442426232863288,0.0,0.0,0.15963372805288908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198259651646116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305279642611635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662332472261038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854794680441087,0.0,0.0,0.19186232465512526,0.16145416163634985,0.1779436499468757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020016043674226,0.19940209262161335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331167550997667,0.3816833262390785,0.0,0.0,0.12730452487452346,0.08805317345611154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135107241645573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438609694528088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913729401908711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114656333941932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391875512439984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909133420684048,0.0,0.18036405023536176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548659757005696,0.0,0.14308557433639724,0.10509582919055344,0.0,0.0,0.1722212032381422,0.0,0.12236697873400655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121241665872768,0.0,0.0,0.1280329825010296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Racoobi,2018/02/17,"My story This post is just a conglomerate of incoherent rambles. I apologize if it is hard to understand.

I've had these suicidal thoughts for about 6 months now, if not longer. I don't want to jump to the conclusion that I am absolutely depressed because I don't find myself to be one to give a self-diagnosis (or diagnose anyone, for that matter). These thoughts, however, have only come up relatively recently, given that I've been the host of misery for a good number of years. I would console my best friend, who not only had these thoughts as well but an actual diagnosis. One day, during Regents week, for some reason I was filled to the brim with apathy towards living. (I'm not going to go too much in depth with the suicide attempt because if I do people will know it's me). My mother found them in my room and grew concerned. I lied to her and told her everything was hunky dory. I suppressed my thoughts on the whole debacle until I consoled my friend once more in class, confessing that I had actually planned and attempted suicide. I came home, happy to get it off my chest, only to find my parents staring at me. It turns out that either my teacher supposedly heard our conversation (even though I was whispering, really quietly) and told my friend to tell the counselor, or my friend just went ahead himself. My mother was nearly driven to tears, but my father saw it as nothing more than a problem that needed to be fixed. I was obligated to meet the counselor the next day. After a good 45 minutes of telling him what happened, he insisted that I go to the emergency room of a nearby hospital. Either my parents would send me there, or he would call an ambulance herself. So I went to the emergency room, BUT I explained my situation in the most minimalized fashion possible, out of fear that I'd miss two weeks of school being locked up in the crazy house, as my father had told me. I got off scott-free, but mostly because I would miss a week of school anyway since I was going on a family trip. Thankfully, that got the nagging fear of ""getting help"" off my mind. The funny thing is, I really did was to get help, but I had it planned for the end of the year so it would not interfere with my academics. But I royally fucked this one up. I'm currently in Asia, hence the posting at 10:04 AM. Well, I'm still a high-school freshman, so my story is not over. I'll see where it goes from here.

Thanks for reading, unless you didn't. ",6.182323688969254,6.355375402953587,6.845054249547921,76.1385759493671,66.0675105485232,10.14695599758891,32.96232670283303,9.957137785484203,3.156807353827608,1927,76,364,40,28,636,244,474,0.121,0.7659999999999999,0.113,-0.7794,5,0,0,0,0,2,65.0,1,1,1,8,17,20,2,2,28,0,34,3,1,1,0,61,76,25,3,11,22,6,1,0,4,6,1,3,4,0,25,11,0,2,13,1,0,14,8,8,2,4,32,7,55,12,67,35,10,59,1,3,3,1,37,26,1,9,17,260,80,5,0.0,0.0,0.14779487344053596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294922538256554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384851960349268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946953314175557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732448699946479,0.08661011758799354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523105338203218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767372562360302,0.0,0.06522250248287438,0.07686007166073631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670705635840162,0.0,0.0,0.050016162836722236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068057447330691,0.0,0.0713875250109696,0.17042510876922656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842398021922686,0.0,0.0,0.08302940805533905,0.2340221960101091,0.07000726244823023,0.11869078216958502,0.07264306741591145,0.17214682120737998,0.12703038126479688,0.12112964628132325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696405627351261,0.08061149985105445,0.06783542391710026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015147868535029,0.08000844313775682,0.07595913063058866,0.0,0.0,0.08737738181790325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041616907733242746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686725020963473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646144978789349,0.0,0.06044359432454035,0.0,0.0556671606781862,0.0561497056039624,0.0,0.0,0.08053522504715692,0.0,0.0,0.07266092727741456,0.0,0.0,0.08064548320334237,0.15394124292859002,0.1727786017708282,0.0,0.0,0.16816903205550215,0.0,0.0,0.052498720387578135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536943780497737,0.1450487274693288,0.0,0.0,0.07245934350454364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574627146224319,0.0,0.09702374618204744,0.07785871291342554,0.07477007112756162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299155934358432,0.060343641606167474,0.0,0.07899850266634302,0.0,0.0,0.06264114690996048,0.08511894837164471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604747049211863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24849513427462025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237533717389696,0.13943624643128014,0.0,0.0,0.05030884272271969,0.0,0.0744001933778738,0.2404712394690233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707768094858834,0.0,0.0,0.08236790233736573,0.07397308268816016,0.07883320654265992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044665026436170346,0.0,0.1822279565940077,0.0,0.13617313922672356,0.14039711157753798,0.0,0.08454512791997455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689671035823161,0.0,0.0,0.0975298378060254
suicidewatch,duncancatnip,2018/02/17,"26 [m] i am really distressed by my girlfriend's behavior and i know i wont leave her. I feel like my only way out is suicide First of all I am polyamorous. That's not a problem with anyone at all. Just to get that out of the way. 

Every time I come to her suicidal or in need of help it's always ""oh I'm doing (insert mundane thing that easily can be delayed) I can't help. Go talk to (fiancee)"" I'll call her e and my fiancee r. E is long distance. She's from Australia and I'm on the literal opposite side of the planet. I live with R, and one of my parents (r can't find a job, nobody in reach is hiring unskilled labor, can't afford college etc and I'm on SSDI) I'm moving to another state for my fiancee to go to college paid for by his grandfather who wants to ""make sure he actually goes to class"" despite not being like his brother who wasted everything he gave him. I'm dreading this because R's grandfather has told r to ""just let him be and what happens will happen"" and this is when I was on the literal teetering fucking edge of my 14th suicide attempt. R was over where we are moving soon without me and was on the phone trying to help and his grandfather just basically says ""oh let him die whatever"" the guy also said I was worth nothing because I was a ""child"" yes I was a 25 year old child I suppose. Not looking forward to living near this guy. That's one thing. Also I have to move doctors and therapists and all sorts of shit.

My GF tho who is the main major issue right this second... I will drop ANYTHING to help her when she has severe problems. She won't lift a finger to help me, she says really insulting shit and refuses to apologize if I'm phrasing shit wrong. Attacks me for phrasing shit slightly wrong and then refuses to apologize for hours because ""it's hard for me to apologize to you"" I've been doing nothing but helping her this whole relationship. I've been trying to have conversations. All I get back is mmm And today she tries to make that out to be model behavior because she's ""a good listener"" she drains me dry of every ounce of help... I wouldn't mind so much if she'd ever lift a finger to help me back. I feel like shes abusing me. It's happened to me frequently and I know people tend to unintentionally head towards more abusive people because... Things. I can't remember. I really just can't stand it anymore. She's only ever concerned with herself and then claims to love me? I can't fucking believe her. I believed her initially till this shit started. She's supposed to come visit in November or December or something.... I love her too much to leave her and I don't have enough people around me to justify leaving her (if I do I will only regularly talk to one person about anything important and that's r. My social anxiety blew up in my face after 2016 and I've been isolating for over a year.) I've been abused for pretty much my whole life nonstop and I just dunno if I can take it anymore.

Sorry if that was incoherent or anything. I did yet another thing for her, I stayed up all night to talk and now I've been awake about 24hr. Also I have a concussion I'm still recovering from.

Edit. She spent the time I was awake just for her completely ignoring me. Just btw. That was the last straw along with earlier saying that shopping was more important than me needing help

Edit 2: well nobody thinks I'm worth responding to, just as I thought. Just as I knew. Been that way my whole life. Probably deserve what I get. Fiancee is up to physically prevent me from overdosing. Though that earned me a bite that nearly tore through my skin.... Well whatever I deserve my life

Edit 3: just gonna do it when I get the chance. Nobody will miss me",2.298757931167085,4.408802199192465,4.097619880792156,84.58989838492596,78.15208613728129,7.099011728513747,26.36125745049029,8.099986540648459,1.8093586387233225,2906,117,571,53,70,979,316,743,0.098,0.802,0.1,-0.5391,4,0,1,0,1,3,90.0,1,1,0,3,34,26,9,2,20,1,61,18,10,2,8,90,108,45,4,11,24,2,6,3,6,8,4,5,0,5,33,33,0,5,9,1,5,9,14,17,2,5,24,12,99,9,90,69,17,69,0,1,1,4,85,25,7,11,33,389,132,11,0.0,0.19711208118048806,0.054115191115954635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303984383262285,0.04614224404177609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629689403655155,0.042422225987276435,0.0,0.10999110984748388,0.03877478811431363,0.0,0.13690196974643648,0.04936589579513042,0.0,0.06308703138394,0.0,0.08528154229909253,0.0,0.16902148849287196,0.0,0.0,0.12495553617327795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056624824589775184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955375741604183,0.058142556829033576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755258888553369,0.0,0.0,0.056759609463386027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729889732633699,0.061845967404800875,0.0,0.10032279587332878,0.09344492270558122,0.0,0.04983855912493691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056078506800652086,0.07923282393871847,0.0,0.0,0.0506840323362668,0.04716921942641076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253282265341973,0.11588989002190192,0.0,0.06303167297199627,0.046512258508363435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981653236812004,0.14711360220212255,0.0,0.04967597108410729,0.0,0.05691189339887801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345273599422022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461110688621972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787966106403637,0.05502962621990707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095223367935285,0.04520248355993057,0.0,0.17615361863738033,0.0,0.1134111254266326,0.11750658823127655,0.08127619977343875,0.0,0.09793395238295943,0.04907512336426026,0.046567467946987635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009896005033216,0.0,0.0740320694845306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599282129281169,0.0,0.0,0.1768167604567047,0.12229540722985754,0.08223700806741584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203990557927299,0.0,0.10641938721539762,0.0,0.05818973759404584,0.0,0.11273137677620435,0.12652599969020792,0.0,0.0,0.061575202830902724,0.0,0.0,0.11533464812336268,0.048420371193383084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056416744201332414,0.059788886693331884,0.10612414708586296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657592740264804,0.0,0.0,0.05953693803296685,0.06281867224461248,0.04735748866036068,0.05274953710814912,0.13229795103409714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264733572858655,0.2846141252078082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652845982004648,0.0,0.04269126663867099,0.0,0.0620763120840489,0.03925068932503819,0.05910668003628922,0.044285706781401486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197331706591727,0.0,0.05226482222443768,0.0,0.041694573273637285,0.1337156875366923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438647097716495,0.14736492953433022,0.03553274083088407,0.05448336048445583,0.04402435205911395,0.06467145001426602,0.0,0.05256399190748123,0.052988758081055146,0.0,0.11294905815307622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270825821661544,0.13205062304352505,0.0,0.0,0.09971977082247736,0.0,0.0,0.1857375285951189,0.0,0.0534557625175504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126068109025648,0.0,0.07142122983723953
suicidewatch,aborncoward,2018/02/17,"I am empty, lost, and painfully lonely I'm 19. I have 0 friends. I have left the house less than 300 times since I was 13. I used to have a likeable personality and lot of online friends, but I stopped getting out of bed and being able to connect with anyone. I don't do anything but browse image boards and escape in angst. I don't even know what day it is. I repressed all of my good memories and I get confused a lot. Only one person ever truly loved me but after 5 months I finally made her hate me by trying to drag her into my angsty fantasies with telling her I was going to kill myself, that no one loves me and I'm a terrible person no matter how much she said I wasn't and much worse things. 

I think I'm going to order a rope and hang myself. I'm scared I'll fuck it up and end up with brain damage.",2.9575818882466263,3.593060861271674,4.560823699421967,88.04138969171484,73.33526011560694,6.691522157996148,23.665221579961468,6.42735559955562,0.5550620423892099,631,16,139,4,12,213,108,173,0.257,0.59,0.152,-0.9687,0,2,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,16,3,3,5,0,12,5,1,3,2,30,30,13,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,5,14,0,2,2,1,0,3,5,11,0,2,6,1,25,5,19,23,6,18,0,3,0,3,13,6,1,3,8,91,30,0,0.14533193721019613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161946963322052,0.0,0.11959580124041586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223850608395668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093727076489389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872095956389756,0.0,0.0,0.09599037386919068,0.1314610576170517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592040334448006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456618835427986,0.13435703410318955,0.15185987767565126,0.0,0.16519097818472353,0.12189753370485455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348519983117436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769354290116542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078825580518494,0.0,0.07987063193221522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790357501438732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864697730847346,0.2471120317937051,0.2623354949397314,0.13751659296752106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600256573362015,0.0,0.21367139191302206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696136374745335,0.1105314871562606,0.15464342785509644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806947255734106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824395296564432,0.0,0.14550262250884066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022008027907438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150400704109535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270265188861424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655208132708988,0.09312283711786916,0.0,0.0,0.08474422131574523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867084552681599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552013159146416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481056600719414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butidontknowmyself,2018/02/17,"DEAR MY FUCKING LIFE You are a piece of shit
I’ll end you as soon as possible
I hate you, fucking life
Don’t you think I’m fucking tired failing suicide attempts?
You should let me die, why are you keeping me in hell?
I am numb, bored and exhausted.
I cannot feel anything but hate and anger.
Please just let me die ...",0.32181818181818045,2.6177559545454585,1.5729545454545466,98.47943181818184,87.93939393939394,4.512121212121213,23.40151515151515,5.985473137389443,0.2813696969696973,247,10,56,2,8,78,46,66,0.436,0.505,0.059,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,6,0,2,2,13,8,0,1,0,8,9,1,0,0,8,17,5,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,12,0,0,0,1,13,1,4,14,1,3,1,1,0,3,6,1,5,0,2,32,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579859302106504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677559862625285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692302407014186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958418281417889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913817959716572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498440587003143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747983799467818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623435634439213,0.25028559145726553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448316364622575,0.0,0.19973636164162914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818659253160957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937989179025491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352554595643202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363473346538527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987141507706834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KobeA29,2018/02/17,"I’m 13.. Hello, I’m in deep state of sadness and loneliness. I feel like my friends aren’t really my friends, my parents divorced recently and the pain for me has been going on for 3 years now, I have been bullied online, at school ect.
One time I went totally insane and wanted to actually self harm/kill myself but I didn’t have the guts to do it, I feel like there is no one that can help me, I feel like there is no accomplishment in life, I need help, please i don’t know what to do. I’m losing my mind.",2.4591666666666683,3.403670101851855,4.2064814814814815,88.9491666666667,74.83333333333334,7.622222222222224,23.685185185185183,8.07648339933343,1.02294074074074,393,11,91,6,8,133,69,108,0.166,0.644,0.19,0.5932,2,0,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,2,0,13,3,1,0,1,12,24,4,0,2,1,1,3,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,4,3,15,5,10,20,1,12,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,55,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.1812402411527404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817235388005285,0.3980446845441941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28698044967730946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555146691829018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248974325314476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206928316277476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118264914090771,0.27220670837792504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777811756706244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875287183627729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771230283453625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25170334479795714,0.0,0.19762387557418926,0.0,0.2062249874751245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386963925386575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118979818083146,0.0,0.18338045707138945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879630266330052,0.0,0.0,0.1937510732361637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829740184385377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954507384374243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216839642072573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960043614546365
suicidewatch,AlphaAladdin,2018/02/17,"I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it today It's been a rough life, but a rough 4 months especially and it came to a boiling point last night. I'm just waiting for me to perform this stunt show with my martial arts team. They depend on me right now so that's the only thing I have left to worry about. After this it's slitting my wrists. Everything sucks and I don't have a way to make it better or deal with it anymore ",1.2342032967032956,2.7914255384615387,3.109986263736264,93.02563873626372,79.32967032967035,5.429120879120879,20.166208791208803,5.985473137389443,-0.1026604395604398,328,8,75,2,8,110,63,91,0.08199999999999999,0.83,0.08800000000000001,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,3,4,3,1,0,5,0,5,3,1,2,1,12,13,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,5,1,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,7,2,11,11,0,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,6,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24267727385475926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641782355745745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27987233393744154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522756067526558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992114959217496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906900825493104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946367478242985,0.0,0.0,0.2658679525779298,0.0,0.172839292990625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333957194580465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953177098274957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963496659227384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610585721666648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313211914093064,0.0,0.0,0.2489485141394605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897300264793908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306274496823856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256822669931462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319475869771483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942319717503252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485053697777467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CosmicxD,2018/02/17,"I just wrote my suicide note.. It was much harder than I though it would be, I'm not looking to commit now, but for the future. It helped in someway, it was kind of like getting unsaid things finally said, I just wish I could send it to people, so they finally know things are not all fine and dandy.",4.108442622950822,4.6217584918032815,4.672254098360657,88.7267418032787,70.63934426229507,7.411475409836067,25.08606557377049,7.1686216300943375,0.9046360655737709,232,6,50,2,4,74,47,61,0.096,0.804,0.1,0.3135,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,13,13,4,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,6,3,6,6,2,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,5,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855154904749345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448357763401178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299255624340322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666856372864828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589630011378719,0.13666857809432428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214929788505174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088294142999944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828091540390664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240409866902803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365525854107165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272016659529806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304252225829345,0.0,0.2443278271435493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859708857227699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766558526470305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlooodyPast,2018/02/17,"Anyone interested in a chat? It's my third time cutting myself this week, and I'm beginning to think I'm not going to last long. Funny that sounds like an exaggeration when I say it. 
I'm rather disillusioned with society. I'd just like to talk to someone rather than slip out of existence unnoticed. 

",2.9741954022988466,5.570237568965516,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,78.48275862068967,8.694252873563219,25.18390804597701,9.2995712137729,2.552128735632184,241,9,45,7,6,82,46,58,0.073,0.75,0.177,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,3,9,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720773453619836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114228200791552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171795986220907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802025964272447,0.0,0.0,0.34435337851223075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094388309577829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296947740496705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127548515200073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24932834630071146,0.0,0.0,0.2268953267870511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121235379908032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soestrada,2018/02/17,"I've just created a ""dead man's email"". And it feels good. I feel relieved knowing that, when I go, my ex partner will get access to an email account that has a diary I've been writing. It's comforting. 
It's no goodbye letter but at least it's something.",1.5547169811320742,3.4851195660377385,3.4609811320754718,89.12883018867926,79.75471698113208,5.749433962264153,27.581132075471697,6.742157984588678,1.300338867924529,199,9,41,2,5,67,40,53,0.08800000000000001,0.765,0.147,0.2144,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,3,2,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638329526457505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29129938812886,0.0,0.3168712605734783,0.4676505410926533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064175550175638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292329502751488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Walkingdeadman04847,2018/02/17,I tried everyone To pretty much everyone that has been in my life I'm sorry. I tried to be strong for so long but I can't keep it away anymore. I have voices in my head telling me to do things. I'm haunted by my past I feel as though my life is a lie. I'm tired of everyone being in competition with me I just wish that people will leave me alone and just let me die. I had a dream once that the world was just red and black cars seemed rusted out. I was the only living thing and I was walking down to a bridge and I would walk underneath it the river was dirty like it always was. I was thinking the countless ways I could kill myself. When ever I killed myself that would cause bleeding there would be a wave of blood that followed after I ended it. ,0.9864858490566027,3.0031944842767326,2.5346816037735884,94.58994693396228,82.1446540880503,5.232861635220126,18.113600628930826,6.322622252153567,-0.25923616352201284,589,13,132,5,16,192,98,159,0.204,0.7170000000000001,0.079,-0.9761,1,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,0,8,0,22,6,2,1,1,21,31,9,3,5,4,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,8,4,24,2,18,14,1,19,0,0,2,0,1,8,0,1,7,97,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719822747586433,0.0,0.0,0.1182590561093846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094941740599407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335307441586011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600111859956094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347493171768913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750290064116905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588021455730342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855984134075565,0.0,0.40741844996099386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186247028064516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458608469205731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632687849782118,0.3144796342044673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048943473901066,0.0,0.14533203709288378,0.20077362222614026,0.06943490265061295,0.0,0.12549862940545886,0.12577580237004954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447793719800974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135806509211186,0.0,0.10809216592004263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356740165008071,0.09853130543765286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445918172504503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938490189190932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590968585568739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422316851916725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884254366321732,0.09106770767011868,0.13963670207989048,0.0,0.0,0.1633513252235327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298655397764425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128118955061722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343628083645034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028837233376145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Official_ADT,2018/02/17,Well today’s the day Life has been one hell of a ride. ,0.2869230769230775,0.9196930769230748,2.187692307692309,102.53230769230773,79.76923076923076,5.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.7198615384615383,42,0,12,0,1,14,13,13,0.293,0.573,0.134,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674222898469516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024101082861655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860570391719225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.540027976145747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122467307445471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwitallawaypillow,2018/02/17,"The allure of a 'stop button' has become too much to resist 
I've been suicidally depressed for 4 years now,
every night I've cried myself to sleep hoping that things will turn around tomorrow and I'll get a glimpse of what it was like to be happy.
But everything has slowly but surely gotten worse.
I've tried therapy, medication, exercise, diet change, 
and mediatation (which was the most effective)

My business has failed, I'm out of money, and hopelessly unemployed.
I haven't been able to connect with anyone in the longest time - friends, family, or romantic partners.
I'm painfully alone

I'm sick of suffering,
the allure of suicide has become too much to resist.
Once my lease is up next month I will  flood my body with heroin.
I've avoided opiods my whole life so that accidental tollerance will not be an issue.

I know my death will devastate my family.
My mother has told me specifically that if I killed myself she wouldn't be far behind,
but she brought me into this world without my permission,
I plan to leave it without hers.

I've been told time and time again that 'it gets better'
and I can accept that there's a possibility it might.
But one more day of this hell is not worth a lifetime of bliss.

Not exactly sure why I'm here,
I guess deep down I just want to talk to someone that understands hopelessness.

Why have you not killed yourself yet?",5.4955255255255295,6.774745401544402,5.967612612612612,77.90595345345348,67.95752895752895,9.153238953238953,28.674603174603178,9.444778638647367,2.540088631488632,1085,37,197,22,18,350,159,259,0.285,0.618,0.097,-0.9968,2,2,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,1,0,4,10,18,3,1,9,0,24,8,2,1,3,38,40,12,5,4,13,1,0,1,2,6,5,0,0,1,15,10,1,2,4,1,2,1,8,10,0,1,9,0,24,8,27,22,5,23,1,5,0,0,10,9,1,6,14,129,39,2,0.11506077660101867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916826404403245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045317029574195,0.0,0.0,0.10242848547614256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541511757794341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176190658876956,0.0,0.12780658420840835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171904512935468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638886025838314,0.07420468216710441,0.0,0.09910167828624984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694366681696112,0.0,0.10340920684729138,0.0,0.21693812006512087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889567058134999,0.0,0.12022901363121895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675241749267696,0.0,0.0,0.12248433623823153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142813130631901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009355704321095,0.0,0.0,0.2545954032734091,0.0,0.0632343937206533,0.0,0.0,0.12183274895586715,0.0,0.0,0.08127082926472247,0.05621288350293937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591162741788995,0.0,0.12206130106992855,0.0,0.0,0.09184041413909284,0.0,0.16916581972876987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122368441251234,0.10797674440928903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253597190257008,0.07796816002115385,0.0,0.12243277869141803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971373741828304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514387211781962,0.0,0.09749062262771016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619596131897734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517156289635677,0.0,0.21688684051620355,0.0,0.0,0.09248149380714464,0.0,0.0,0.1315820256893776,0.0,0.07644126730294673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127859239092613,0.0,0.0,0.2198910057270581,0.0,0.07811871452435364,0.125153084408164,0.0,0.1197823262778903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786582716120777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764890864692767,0.1284612480178162,0.0,0.22182896537998786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725676127358807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409536771531201
suicidewatch,Def_God,2018/02/17,"I dont want to exist anymore. I hate myself, and everyone else hates me, today the one person i was living for blocked me from all the things we talked on and i dont know if i can handle it, she said id never annoy her and that shes there for me and she cares, shes a liar and im back to square 1 with nobody caring, everything would be better with me gone, my dad is kicking me out after 19 years because i was bullied all through high school and im too scared to get a job here and too scared to even go for a walk and see someone from high school, nobody wants me, im just some ugly, fat, annoying, useless, stupid, loser piece of shit who cant do anything right, my dad and his gf can buy beer and fast food but not toilet paper or water, ""drink tap"" the tap makes me want to throw up, if i was gone i would be just 1 less annoying thing to listen to, 1 less bill, 1 less mouth to feed, 1 less room. I hate everything and everyone, ive told people i want to kill myself and they dont care, ive told people how i feel and they tell me get over it or to cheer up, i barely graduated high school because i thought i wasnt gonna be alive for it, i even had people at graduation tell me they thought i was gonna drop out or kill myself, and even then everyone thinks i just got a pity diploma that even the teachers dont want me there anymore, im tired of living, im tired of existing, im tired of everything....",3.847450980392157,3.4033350522875843,5.192287581699347,88.11529411764708,71.02614379084967,8.237908496732027,25.49673202614379,7.594959193182576,1.0079555555555553,1090,26,258,11,18,367,149,306,0.243,0.7190000000000001,0.038,-0.9958,1,0,2,0,0,2,35.0,1,0,3,2,14,21,11,2,8,0,24,11,3,2,3,48,54,22,2,9,10,2,1,0,1,4,4,2,1,1,8,19,6,1,5,2,2,5,8,16,0,1,14,5,44,5,31,33,8,25,0,3,2,0,22,12,1,6,7,157,52,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414411454508116,0.0,0.0,0.05868223181024445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054833154449124864,0.0,0.08694009169061899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306809116015234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181165536131788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343001686232977,0.06985686367630492,0.0,0.0,0.0595705352083705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883989007145948,0.0,0.0,0.20441990219189984,0.19226707231221732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036056587882665164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622859634278206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451328936309191,0.0,0.040527239143246345,0.0,0.05703329411196325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121222494022093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260294754754628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621636215701536,0.0,0.07076438611326298,0.0,0.15778837721162692,0.0,0.03919022983469976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593645452599178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760012296678184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499883477682481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048321647939192115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831257511043186,0.062265330118425485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608985349005319,0.06783234536793227,0.0,0.1427879329291509,0.21650923723327764,0.056825009651532435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319891205151613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042091467479431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057316450502704626,0.12465654395910275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947506778571278,0.045692707084199265,0.0,0.11322469227931545,0.0,0.24588180968467735,0.06759374675981061,0.1362799347945999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030306514198868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131346302738027,0.0,0.0,0.045921441158709816
suicidewatch,szsilenx,2018/02/17,"Fuck it all depends This past year, I thought things in my life were going to get better. I’ll do better in school, I won’t be in debt, I’ll have friends and family who love me, and things won’t be so bad anymore. 

It took a turn for the worst. My mom had a psychotic break and was admitted to the hospital and stayed there for a couple of months. I didn’t recognize who she was and she could barely recognize us. I regret all those years I felt like I took her for granted and now she isn’t even herself anymore. 

I wish I took action sooner and maybe could have done something to change this outcome, but I didn’t. The signs were there though, and that’s the biggest regret I’ll ever have in my life. I don’t think my mom is ever coming back. Looking at her and realizing she isn’t the same person. I miss her humour, her smile, the love she gave us, her annoying nagging, and her genuine happiness. 

At least this year I got my toxic ex out of my life, right? But I still feel broken from all those years he abused me. Sexually, physically, and mentally. Mistaking his attacks for love, and every time he hurt me I took him back because he was my first everything. Imagine someone telling you he loves you every day, just to find out he’s cheated on you with over 10 women. 

I wish I was stronger, I wish I could do more with my life, but every time I try to change things, more bad things keep happening. 

There’s really no point to life. I’ve loved enough of my life to say I experienced it. It’s just too much to handle now and I don’t have the power to keep it going. 

Edit: great I can’t even write a proper title ",2.147145076110597,3.8882680450450486,3.5231106969038035,90.25567567567568,77.25825825825827,6.635145490317905,21.993269131200165,7.503015589744147,0.7053376617997311,1261,35,274,17,29,413,163,333,0.151,0.675,0.174,0.8521,2,0,1,0,1,1,39.0,2,3,0,4,17,25,5,0,11,0,29,12,0,1,5,51,59,18,0,9,5,3,2,1,1,2,6,1,0,2,17,18,0,2,8,0,1,8,10,13,0,1,18,5,53,12,29,34,10,40,0,4,1,6,42,13,1,1,18,184,70,2,0.0,0.09080701140367096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201448698231687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719016222642782,0.0,0.1178643430331189,0.12798400938516308,0.04671962106366412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556541121195426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215195802068846,0.06601940531225245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835747232718009,0.08480177032008662,0.0,0.04942708224054663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843031663054688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919060452970618,0.0,0.10124126946540238,0.13865228170224372,0.1937199561749326,0.0,0.06887995773313367,0.0,0.07225028117108316,0.0,0.03875197483622129,0.0,0.0735873455530153,0.0,0.0700484537748212,0.06519076589376004,0.0,0.0,0.059212619639798986,0.0708533374020911,0.04004174110649621,0.0,0.08711365349219058,0.0,0.061296781199759,0.08449693475989939,0.0,0.0,0.06777335246423062,0.08158573264679579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204573843151336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624402271638694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32480268181289706,0.03744290433885529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435910829377585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34585731702803524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699615084442574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723606682952866,0.0,0.0,0.1795219444415329,0.06117408726899934,0.0,0.0563399278848341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316247344177923,0.0,0.06691993468073787,0.0,0.0,0.07245048471508207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909816484636189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545096556856225,0.0,0.06094797171379456,0.0,0.07756474850381095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493764115114138,0.05900195939200559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168907155681361,0.0612055738537314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698758172006483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366740724235846,0.049108435908795656,0.07529935923550142,0.06084436553349501,0.08937992634089316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34060372954006785,0.0520341845629885,0.08336336219013797,0.0,0.0,0.18437928929696687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643999830884826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741707540561687
suicidewatch,Raiichu_LoL,2018/02/17,"I am past the point of feeling suicidal. I hate my life. I don't feel anything at all, and I just want it to all be over, but unfortunately I am so bad at life I can't even fucking kill myself. Since age 13 I have tried killing myself 11 times and I was only caught the last time because I posted it on Facebook. I spent three days in a mental hospital and it was the worst time of my life. I felt like I was a sub-human, and now here I am picking fights on Reddit and other places just to feel something. I don't feel like anything is real. I feel dizzy and like I don't belong in my own body. I don't have friends, and I've fucked up every relationship I've ever had because I am so self-destructive. Whenever I hear sounds at night I pray that it's someone who's going to kill me while I sleep because after 11 times I can't do it myself.   
Edit; I keep refreshing the page hoping that someone commented. I fucking hate myself. ",3.554686028257457,4.016222459183673,5.100204081632653,85.35029042386185,71.85714285714286,7.66342229199372,26.81161695447409,7.61054688173877,1.3383105180533743,726,23,157,8,13,246,106,196,0.214,0.647,0.139,-0.9631,0,0,1,0,1,4,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,16,9,0,6,0,19,8,2,1,3,24,37,11,4,2,3,0,6,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,9,7,0,1,6,0,1,2,6,11,0,1,7,8,32,5,15,29,5,27,1,0,0,3,6,11,3,1,16,103,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069948385788474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674519437919248,0.21189672879479504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870356558555054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472547081358064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765299222979494,0.1048095149452098,0.09762404384374164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929324808715069,0.08277633983847173,0.11125174283218836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951956458113026,0.32135514111379915,0.0,0.0,0.06585062759536127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287919246767301,0.0,0.0,0.13059200014778266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508337040795008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029890728069972,0.3845733346125584,0.0,0.0,0.09444813284942884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24552363016152354,0.16982220243542415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676799835235185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087345545761083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812306674701295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060940735316564,0.0,0.0,0.12105771682093787,0.0,0.10953299963487306,0.0,0.11096980668910944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318834972447816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439919645854307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087591146177945,0.0,0.0,0.0958474587769451,0.0,0.11595198313668005,0.0,0.1963496766783344,0.08920108156565591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674111886283113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27025496041226704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866697291470676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834212799879756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leyendeck,2018/02/17,I have nothing to live for should i just kill myself I have no friends my family won't really care if I die the one person I trusted my brother told me to jump off a mountain as a birthday gift for my sister I am alone and feel sick I just want it to end ,-0.2363157894736858,1.612646333333334,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,85.66666666666667,5.203508771929825,20.026315789473685,6.42735559955562,0.06129473684210529,199,6,47,2,6,69,43,57,0.28800000000000003,0.555,0.156,-0.8692,0,1,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,9,3,2,3,3,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,12,3,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049812146124584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002309064997726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30561246944213816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608122488272363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27759929157295243,0.0,0.14889244148565894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22750612174455656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257864665058082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600216394219245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825510750533042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953990548661335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711908878932016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886444669551971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28137787584206864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368552411451188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sushiliciousslushies,2018/02/17,"im going to kill myself on my birthday my birthdays coming up on the 21st and i've decided to kill myself. I've attempted before in the past, but to no prevail, so i'm hoping that the third time's a charm. My friends have all abandoned me and i just feel really lonely. There are other factors, but this particular one was the final push I guess. I just find it rather infuriating how a couple of my friends have chosen another person over me and are now just avoiding and rarely ever speaking to me. They act as if they're happier without me so I guess it wouldn't matter if i did. I just don't know why they chose her over me, and how one person in particular is refusing to have any form of conversation with me at all, especially since i was reasonably close to him. It's all just confusing and i feel so alone. I dont know how to properly articulate whats going on, but that's just the base i suppose. I don't know what i want out of this post, it'd be interesting to see the replies i guess. That is, if i even get any.",3.4648753894081,4.298404210280378,5.358112149532712,82.05807165109034,72.3177570093458,8.697320872274144,26.88348909657321,9.029198982220553,1.9500128348909656,807,27,173,16,15,279,116,214,0.158,0.735,0.107,-0.8196,0,4,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,1,18,11,2,2,8,0,16,0,0,4,4,50,32,19,2,7,14,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,12,10,0,3,8,0,0,5,6,6,0,3,3,4,30,5,24,26,4,22,0,2,1,0,11,11,0,8,5,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799676083750224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434783497072694,0.1498385103704309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159364258700366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309191844884908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581112787548979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167472595146001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438120523618578,0.12925726361300618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450463174307734,0.0,0.0,0.15653516023865655,0.13060400224353502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080159351245102,0.0,0.07465706041305446,0.0,0.1624217407098024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472246886393534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192758695687008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435178391757448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31618564985271363,0.0,0.23559507690878265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936595321607968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641003235059762,0.0,0.24954187646385664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685449802717664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154258925344948,0.14692049022025405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386930344342598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820472838028873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833235815445578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428353531864258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894106546619044,0.0,0.0,0.13774627246412696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A_Realm_Away,2018/02/17,"I feel like a waste of space I was homeschooled my entire life in the middle of nowhere and it’s screwed me up bad. I never had friends because there was no friends to find and my isolation from human interaction has made it so I’m terrified of talking to people irl. My parents have mildly abused me (my dad really) and all that’s done is make my fear of people worse. I got beat if I accidentally scared him, if I woke him up, or couldn’t find something he told me to get. He has threatened to smash my computer and kill my cats multiple times. My cats are the only thing here that make me not instantly cry. Overall I feel like I should just end it finally because my online friends tell me I need to get some thearapy to help me but I can’t while I live here because my parents would freak out and I don’t even have any money if I wanted to. My group of friends is small and I sometimes go days without talking to anyone and it’s really messing with me. I’m really desperate for affection because I just so badly want to feel loved and my best friend sometimes helps me feel better but she has a lot on her plate and can’t always talk to me because if her date calls her she always picks up and leaves me and I can’t join her because her date thinks I’m the scum of the earth because of a event in the past. I want to move out. I want friends. I’m just so tired of being sad I want to feel loved and important I feel like I’m nearly at my end I’ve tried using the suicide online chat message thing but the two times I’ve tried it instantly disconnected after my like 1 hour wait so idk what to do. Idk if this is ok to post bc this is the first post I’ve ever done and I ramble and have bad grammar but thank you for reading.",3.7753721461187233,4.2266536547945215,4.8568664383561675,87.32895262557079,71.35616438356166,7.946347031963471,27.263127853881283,7.9370924344782425,1.4269840182648403,1364,44,302,17,24,449,175,365,0.177,0.662,0.161,-0.6011,2,1,1,0,1,1,17.0,0,1,0,4,12,26,2,2,11,1,25,5,0,6,3,62,57,29,2,14,15,3,6,4,6,2,2,0,0,1,12,17,0,1,9,2,1,2,9,10,0,2,9,6,55,16,38,44,4,33,0,1,0,3,36,13,1,8,20,187,67,2,0.0,0.09453835728497616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327837013447495,0.0,0.0,0.054260082267091315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055791173485358565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986448985032604,0.3404756209948097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373490789106065,0.07056796101166664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147473051180762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764580442724201,0.051458087742129975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330618486344553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134089485315568,0.0,0.0,0.052700684433701295,0.07217481746907252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978617478260377,0.2420659805405945,0.17100643644012967,0.0,0.08740628032744639,0.14585362182630915,0.06786951604814491,0.0,0.0,0.3698743327033719,0.0,0.08337418814964817,0.0,0.04534661790395289,0.0,0.0638155238445339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069633983075761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857728917909462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827605090257927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448631680030473,0.0,0.0,0.056358188473364136,0.15592587459742285,0.0,0.07045622159683143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783478739794085,0.14402756836240452,0.07549943060181329,0.10652117607747444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480437106603231,0.0,0.05916343334333194,0.06153913265525085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060684053929697564,0.0,0.0,0.17719518226158312,0.0,0.07616878858995121,0.11063297699788882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283393967716838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981180728303061,0.0,0.1533469644644986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988392464815207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061426405640848836,0.15782912556823453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727754464404129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923970570536708,0.06974016473415193,0.07346010974275964,0.0,0.0,0.10601814670229552,0.05112634793159148,0.0,0.0,0.09305263194884328,0.09170711443311336,0.0,0.07624296968840248,0.0,0.1083446367237086,0.0,0.07794344600291016,0.0,0.0,0.06891312720682694,0.0,0.0,0.23531168025821694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691491986020292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131304566990147,0.056680679384429236,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Secretspoonowo,2018/02/17,"I dont want to be alive anymore. I dont want to kill myself but I dont really want to live anymore. I have no friends, I am in a loveless marriage, my family has fallen apart. I dont know. Ive thought about dying multiple times daily for years now. I dont know what to do. I feel so numb now. I grew up in a single mother household with very little money. My mom was extremely religious and ive always wanted to have that. I cant tell if I dont believe in God or just hate Him. A few of my brothers are drug addicts and have been for a long time and last week I prayed for the first time in many many years and asked God to please help (insert specific brother here) and the NEXT DAY he dies with a needle in his arm. Why would I pray for him specifically when I have three brothers on drugs? I felt a bit angry at God at first but other than that I feel nothing. I feel like a monster. I haven't shed a single tear. My family was always so close but everything has crumbled. I hate my life. I cant remember the last time I was happy. Now I'm just getting drunk and shouting into the void of the internet. I dont even know why I'm writing this. Idk.",0.948957929941912,2.6782229311740906,3.121337792642141,91.81170568561876,80.82186234817814,6.07702869213167,21.265446224256294,7.079830092131019,0.4733356451328992,892,26,202,11,23,304,133,247,0.173,0.735,0.093,-0.9492,0,0,2,0,0,5,25.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,3,0,13,0,27,7,1,0,0,32,45,14,3,6,7,5,4,1,1,1,5,1,0,0,5,10,1,0,9,1,1,2,11,4,0,3,6,5,33,3,26,37,4,33,2,0,0,0,15,13,0,2,19,130,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902530601928321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377754273282677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421039414367655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739725114622464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327571052742584,0.0,0.0,0.0903849771277238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339254710004202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184540310552482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6792028867178901,0.0,0.19201967851181048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468185661953977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440609926390368,0.0,0.15609363796327033,0.0,0.12558297280788705,0.05914502211194445,0.0794911541467309,0.0,0.0,0.14084185756832168,0.0,0.0,0.0639631643164514,0.0,0.04325423332883838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813124051781587,0.0,0.16347549880129328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055492231957174336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159460470511796,0.0,0.13649726323749295,0.134969410744955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847685688625993,0.04044689556517487,0.08297709060943845,0.07310487612659405,0.0732663336288635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787164745813454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696236799329698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804785051638726,0.0,0.0,0.07943900894990713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087829675779983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303724112880212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378466080735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236190060137604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572582287396979,0.1931015026834668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683102236298016,0.19532618521446565,0.0,0.0664089528224077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940976514442014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881147116972621,0.0,0.0,0.10662778399146684
suicidewatch,walkingtothestore,2018/02/17,"I'm afraid my ex committed suicide what do I do short story:

I told my ex I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore because I was just making her sad because I could never be there for her and she was always trying so hard to be someone she isn't for me. I'm also really busy with school and work and other things and I don't want to be focusing on making her happy anymore, I don't even want to talk to her anymore.

After we broke up she kept sending me messages about how much anxiety she's been having about it, trying to get back together, telling me how depressed she is or how she's trying to get her life together so she can be happy again without my help. I haven't replied and she's sent me so many messages I honestly don't even read them anymore. But I read one and the last one was her asking to stop her from hurting herself and so I asked what she was going to do and she hasn't replied in five days, no activity on social media or anything, and her phone line is disconnected.

I feel bad because I was so bad to her in our relationship at points that she became depressed but I also don't even love her anymore so it's not like I could've taken her back if I wanted to. But if she's dead then I don't even know how to feel. I just wanted her to move on and I didn't want to take care of her anymore.

She's in therapy and before we broke up she was in the process of finding someone to prescribe medication so she's been trying to get help but idk I don't want to go back to her even if she is alive but I don't think the break up is gonna make her any better.",2.004184213367885,3.1953420174927127,3.9166310333657286,89.60896231508478,76.34693877551021,6.597516466904223,24.073966094374256,7.0931098945946705,0.7782429327286469,1244,39,281,13,27,423,145,343,0.155,0.7859999999999999,0.059,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,3,0,1,2,27,16,0,1,4,0,35,3,0,7,2,52,66,35,2,11,14,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,14,0,2,5,2,0,5,16,9,0,3,14,3,64,7,40,45,1,30,0,6,0,1,54,14,0,5,11,204,71,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104871522966166,0.06817749057676102,0.0,0.0,0.05571943258087485,0.0,0.06268097645780296,0.0,0.4875522210210438,0.0,0.0,0.06742651949536196,0.0,0.15319859173773853,0.0,0.0,0.1890116638411836,0.13682662591268455,0.14984265951902773,0.0,0.06972167990870623,0.0,0.0,0.0724659193586244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353942695985828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083879311070226,0.0,0.0,0.052842077101444375,0.0,0.14114307539493898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705904700637116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285881946917815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488821163248029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842486395584654,0.0,0.0931324728419157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744452384997643,0.07339875033845049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984022897869708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771440755785588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502999825435733,0.06678894711239401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787396833576877,0.04002989349738958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395062861914954,0.0,0.16407916946204362,0.08307045664545804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825421115500082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708522432600774,0.060232542125215574,0.0,0.06319425643682453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104419298010272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745620266880321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391676640570607,0.0,0.052490434287107694,0.0,0.0,0.17593765175515996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292381898744246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352364772746512,0.13884856985062408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850234050484738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962491506518397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160583290859947,0.06585722199050532,0.07161585911270296,0.0,0.09370119706172236,0.0,0.054434777194492114,0.05250141499340141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829356005040862,0.0,0.22251723289728348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382966972799642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898358263664511,0.0,0.059650536808897016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Phaeron,2018/02/17,"Alright, I'm done. Dying time I want to end it but not myself, call me a coward if you want. What countries do assisted suicide with no reason stated? Don't tell me I need help. Just answer question or leamme alone.",0.5551937984496114,3.0431794418604667,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,91.7906976744186,3.7968992248062015,18.794573643410853,5.46131890053228,-0.15208217054263606,168,5,32,1,6,55,38,43,0.292,0.564,0.14400000000000002,-0.8979,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,12,7,3,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29864074196407964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443473402676223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992588731855175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29507930129468474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553900364062104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932730524756115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380579783604775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230148593908443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964689494608501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31540504009464604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520281653648029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813757324657402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34014930300470403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MasterForecloser,2018/02/17,"Just a question. If it’s in the wrong format/place/etc. just (kill it) remove it I guess: 
When does ones right to die interfere with ones right to not to live through it? Think free speech. You can say whatever you want but I have a right not to hear it? 

If someone really wants to be gone how do we cope with that? Before and after? 

Drunk and rambling. Thank you for listening. ",-0.16701754385965015,2.1185266842105257,1.0089473684210508,99.10929824561407,97.94736842105264,4.63859649122807,15.543859649122805,6.42735559955562,-0.3997508771929828,292,7,65,4,12,91,56,76,0.11,0.807,0.084,-0.4606,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,3,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,19,12,7,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,5,1,1,2,1,1,2,2,2,0,2,1,4,6,3,11,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138486658956847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090315267197782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625503347989346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246251165833596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187555176930948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270034313888245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228300520677686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778485032621851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729609244120456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104303256198815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22562501987964545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902824615390704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160084896951365,0.0,0.16016912081086795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065383142776286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854310417323488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290552381438544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759338315647535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020994876346653,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grundo1561,2018/02/17,"My friend tried to kill himself last night, and I assume he'll try again Who do I tell? I don't know who to talk to. He's three and a half hours away at college.",-1.0201351351351349,0.7060177297297301,0.7742567567567562,105.98679054054057,87.91891891891892,3.7,14.655405405405405,3.1291,-1.6321837837837836,124,2,34,0,4,40,29,37,0.131,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,5,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171782626783611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608223025071089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33245955736368216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734949005684639,0.0,0.18553142194668387,0.2751820743605129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168066893458004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713432048639829,0.29506979103263553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584048437430218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Illest13,2018/02/17,"Why can't i have good things? My best friend was depressed, after going to doctor, and talking a few meds, i saw her smile, it was so genuine, i cried, like literally. I wonder why, then i realized, i want to have that kind of smile too,  but how can i do that,  even if i drink hundreds or thousands of meds, when the people around me are always pulling me down, it's impossible. Im so tired. ",2.8402916666666687,3.956093112500003,4.212500000000002,88.60916666666668,74.125,6.833333333333335,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8413333333333329,299,9,66,3,6,99,61,80,0.136,0.7240000000000001,0.14,-0.3964,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,0,9,12,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,1,12,5,7,9,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,4,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093166820356107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182873527195276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155828968124556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256518444668876,0.0,0.0,0.1769339200412096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026317496338565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124019165640344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568255462820333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871234213833296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167488625066654,0.17230236855302744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22189634367296088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139205432004891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036122502654818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563660342008194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241717262781434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511439073010428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364765290630288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610804484938816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116613002040087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37073171750995015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277675052472729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tqon,2018/02/17,I think my life is over. I’ve reached the end. I have no more will to live.  So good night life as I understand it.  It’s been a nice break from an eternity of non-existence.,-1.2689473684210526,0.7308784210526333,1.0371578947368434,101.16310526315792,93.73684210526315,6.197894736842105,18.12631578947369,7.554174236665415,0.2767726315789476,132,4,35,3,5,44,33,38,0.06,0.738,0.202,0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437638769841709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255411467033709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482888555229978,0.0,0.0,0.3427218133710845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364229368340939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24869506591514454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040521991775387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSmolFry,2018/02/17,"My friend might try to kill himself tonight and idk what to do He's at a concert right now and said he wanted to throw himself on the train tracks affterward. I told some of our friends and one of them is waiting for him just in case. Is one friend enough? Should I call the police? 

This isn't the first time he's talked about killing himself but he has also never attempted. Maybe it's like all the other times and won't do anything? Idk man ",2.4246428571428567,4.277541725274728,2.4616346153846145,97.67399038461541,76.80219780219781,4.9895604395604405,23.46291208791209,5.148860815047168,0.004482417582417853,351,11,78,1,8,105,67,91,0.07200000000000001,0.804,0.123,0.5767,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,1,2,4,6,2,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,2,13,13,6,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,3,2,2,9,4,10,8,3,11,0,0,0,0,18,4,0,2,7,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612815245889184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596350208971802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059354049808262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083868994092161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154688558560918,0.0,0.0,0.4674469005223825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44625282412185696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852950089707932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261228255803174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394809025655695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555462181454069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733239575709082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223159059299403,0.19184160596727665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210083630664168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351996910519349,0.0,0.0,0.1927116142770985,0.0,0.13692586953671412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895468905827615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OshiiCat,2018/02/17,"It hurts so much, I want to end it and I have enough pills to do so He doesn't care about me, he doesn't love me anymore and it hurts so so badly, not only my heart hurts but my whole body aches too and I'm tired, I want to sleep forever...",-0.3441818181818164,0.9664047636363692,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,83.18181818181819,5.127272727272729,14.636363636363635,5.6839178017228535,-1.244527272727273,182,2,51,1,5,60,35,55,0.31,0.638,0.052000000000000005,-0.9301,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,7,9,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,4,9,3,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069435609195466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689685559811801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247848667436943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206327332078046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923769441717993,0.2090999048856544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398066696058171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6499163456644866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182644727929666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487635260766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390973611065906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251382282583724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325918732822673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872339612811655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259362825183283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ttamskrap666,2018/02/17,"I had one of the worst days of my life today. Today, within a half hour of each other I found out my ex wife who divorced me because she was “mentally unstable” is sleeping with someone that I considered a friend less than a year after our divorce, and my 12 year old sister was committed to a treatment center because because she’s been cutting herself and my dad found suicidal notes she wrote. She was planning on taking her life this week. I’ve never felt this depressed in my life. I want to run away from everything that’s crushing my spirt. I want the misery I feel to stop. ",7.116578947368421,6.419262938596492,7.242807017543861,76.9763157894737,64.35087719298248,9.705263157894738,35.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.043729824561404,461,19,85,6,6,149,78,114,0.204,0.731,0.065,-0.9582,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,6,0,6,4,1,0,2,15,14,2,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,9,2,20,1,15,5,3,18,0,1,0,0,16,6,0,0,11,61,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386392106188746,0.0,0.0,0.3189561220380052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248001101161537,0.0,0.15021906353300835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674844747252456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818692827318722,0.0,0.16746093564326825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382463090159658,0.13474872088742426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175870188606446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695727885485723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576424206469946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345157315871404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830139391436876,0.0,0.11818471882927263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174535940664319,0.0,0.14777701334263366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458145560689182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077621445678247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113460227227894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306405429499446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574305457477068,0.0,0.13990116880429526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462862269956954
suicidewatch,Ilynx0203,2018/02/17,"Existential crisis and now life stuff hitting My father and mother were married under the circumstance of my mother becoming Christian instead of her original religion, Catholic. My father's parents are Christian and my mother's parents are Catholic. Our family is currently in the U.S. after moving. My mom still went to Catholic Church secretly and my father just stopped going to Church. Because it was a national holiday, my family called my grandparents to talk. My grandfather asked if me and my siblings went to church so I lied that we did. Then he asked if my mother went to Christian Church and I accidently told the truth. As soon as I said that, I realized and didn't talk anymore. My father looked at me as if I was trash and other family members were shocked. I cried, a lot, and now I'm here to ask for help. I already had thoughts on suicide and now it's getting even worse. Thoughts about horrible stuff fills my mind. My parents are acting like if they're okay but I can clearly see that my dad is not talking to me at all now, ignoring my presence. Why was I born under a strict Asian family.. ",4.66304201680672,6.667405180952388,5.241932773109244,79.48247899159666,71.0,8.560224089635856,31.87675070028011,9.168548406835145,3.044221288515407,888,41,156,19,17,285,118,210,0.096,0.838,0.065,-0.7567,5,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,6,1,14,1,0,1,3,30,30,20,1,4,7,13,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,11,0,2,4,1,0,7,2,2,0,0,15,3,31,3,21,14,2,26,7,0,2,0,28,7,0,5,13,110,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278153105952098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486686612268587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32484105767014754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060559246102363,0.1279191551446846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826985207065023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722786880185866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650104655568729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367564454864424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051356559897063,0.0,0.06582578129089439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763477838676433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181033029312831,0.05658604209789735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726348090779736,0.0,0.0,0.09846992092395784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116949813783882,0.13565235503277115,0.0,0.12310320461226455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858284868583675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017570466262594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092297199025907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249766383958594,0.0968345400135669,0.0,0.0,0.2651828799118346,0.12669329777831406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279286244135148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839035667927816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067535528905634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32211165431081856,0.1045136733260008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803514810520985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashbash98,2018/02/17,"Toxic relationship I️ wanna break up with my girlfriend but idk how since she’s the first serious gf I’ve had and it’s gotten to the point between school, work and her, that I️ wanna hurt myself. I️ have a history of depression but I’ve never wanted to hurt myself please help me reddit I️ wanna die ",1.7742142857142833,4.364748183333333,3.682857142857145,83.92500000000003,83.83333333333334,6.095238095238094,18.57142857142857,7.447530270364453,0.7471428571428582,241,6,44,4,7,81,46,60,0.297,0.617,0.085,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,5,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,4,5,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,0,9,2,0,5,0,3,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,29,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301233033590919,0.0,0.27729253851552743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272647129837985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908633677967306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720473119327617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606708481973568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932853966243519,0.25257317334089274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28685327632155816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27040225812205737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101555604842524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759075528896685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945115414156365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FleeRancer,2018/02/17,"Why ending it so easy I've had depression for as long a I can remember. The thought of killing myself has crossed my mind, but I have never thought about why the idea of it is so appealing. Sure it's an end to all of my hardships and struggles, but it's also the only thing I have complete control over. Suicide isn't an answer to a temporary problem, if the problem is reoccurring. I've been so oblivious in life and just mindlessly pushed through it every time it came back, just as my parents raised me to. But for the first time ever in my life, I am able to admit how fucking miserable I am. ",5.507898465171191,5.326625834710747,6.3646517119244415,80.21892561983475,67.51239669421489,9.558913813459268,35.467532467532465,9.23628265651192,3.085336717827627,470,22,95,8,7,156,76,121,0.198,0.743,0.06,-0.9659,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,2,2,9,0,11,3,0,2,4,24,16,13,2,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,5,0,11,1,16,11,1,15,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,1,9,72,18,0,0.16376348433855378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309615992594242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592401093972933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730179899328664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170289759829935,0.0,0.1836746727774036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410492490958121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009167909319034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813344722063868,0.13797779861639514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392971361197591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139670242136258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486904045840385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118003184181355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313419840998505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449255303033007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535443546023573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630449482046507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245495093046996,0.0,0.0,0.18183996925621165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133990755406837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551210397221035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120115069517267,0.0,0.17913067197731514,0.0,0.15434514592785764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879718224215854,0.0,0.0,0.2600198280122029,0.1909836093377324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29554214566997683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,queerdebt,2018/02/17,"I don’t think I’ll get to graduate I’m at uni at the moment and my mental health has created endless and repetitive cycles of self destruction and I’m getting none of my work done. I had three essays due at the start of January, none of which ever got handed in and I have a new deadline which I have also missed. Every day that goes by the mountain of work I have to do creates such intense stress and anxiety it makes me physically ill (I’ve had a mix of various colds/abdominal pains/migraines). I skip class because I’m stressed but that only makes it worse. 

I can’t bring myself to admit to others how much I’m struggling and I feel backed into a corner of self loathing and self doubt, fear eating me up from the inside and sometimes when I lie in bed spending another evening completely isolated all I can think about is dying. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell my partner this, there’s too much on his mind, too much stress in his life to let him worry about me but I know my behaviour makes him unhappy and he keeps asking such pervasive questions of me and I feel like I have no outlet or anyone to hear me. 

I’m sorry I don’t ever post anything I’m just desperate. ",2.234949494949497,4.1688271769547365,3.965463898241676,86.30534511784512,77.64197530864197,7.051926674148897,24.6257014590348,8.00094639256281,1.4504419753086415,936,33,190,16,22,314,142,243,0.22,0.737,0.043,-0.9922,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,15,9,1,6,7,0,18,5,1,4,3,33,43,16,1,0,4,0,3,1,1,0,3,1,1,4,9,11,1,1,8,0,1,1,8,8,0,1,4,4,30,1,28,38,7,22,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,3,11,127,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440113038697796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378124411387426,0.0903046629798147,0.0,0.0,0.08254032152454763,0.0,0.09714158047664836,0.0,0.11035682576811932,0.0,0.0,0.0907698824907042,0.0,0.07195958344700414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376870560270407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612973239196053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225128342978218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208017699171844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079025546359005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796809362439729,0.21355824829302736,0.09945862169789582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283426879271915,0.11937493941414125,0.08433189555954666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233480471337654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441195671870196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547709458436027,0.13304612089476073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049244717594726,0.0,0.0,0.12974969587715052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070976029034007,0.08337919255907608,0.05767118264076813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638933114344005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896233465944048,0.0,0.11919253972323153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603315897940817,0.0,0.0,0.1140093049504158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897790996291684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305518178540712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223823749330305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694423344020134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675024879839695,0.132142534044799,0.08355337771021447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056629664780092,0.12340703107298565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031771741069845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512778790271158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187739973128324,0.11988117238935378,0.12029868730929705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicide99,2018/02/17,"Anyone affected by suicide, or just speculating, how much worse is family finding the body than just being notified by police? I heard in a suicide documentary that if they don't find the body the death just seems and feels abstract, but I have also read (and can imagine) that finding the body would be very traumatic.

I am wondering if anyone here is a suicide survivor and can chime in. I think I am going to be doing it soon and I would like to die in my room at home but I'm also thinking about a hotel so as not to traumatize my family, but a hotel would make them suspicious.",6.993333333333332,6.1749158260869565,7.891956521739132,72.61909420289855,64.65217391304347,11.144927536231883,33.94927536231884,10.504223727775694,3.4841884057971018,460,17,86,10,6,156,73,115,0.238,0.685,0.077,-0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,8,0,15,3,3,3,0,29,24,15,5,5,10,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,12,17,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,5,2,69,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212555188518387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345638754798825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609824571533702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357158970160538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082294131466444,0.0,0.06994716072177999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793115428470922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861989934232044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876292719022415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758429367145838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923407800640696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016933461447885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837407385509926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593647967098345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539534870688511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728106367869995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414221413162115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500201828609966,0.0,0.0,0.1409768525477595,0.29481113568139183,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pikethemalingerer,2018/02/17,"its not worth it anymore and im tired of saying that im going to killmyself and then i dont get around to it its not worth it anymore i  cant  even put into any words how stressful it is
""just talk with  your family about how you feel about how they treat you""
every time  i do i get told im not worthy of respect im just  a child
""you  are a good person""
then why do i always get treated like im worthless and get told i should  kill myself
""you should stand up for yourself""
and when i stand up for myself i get told im being cruel and heartless and im just starting trouble
""talk  to child  protective services :)""  yeah  i did  its  kind  of hard to get people  to believe your abused  when u have no bruises
im tired of people  thinking im a liar im not a liar all the terrible things they said to me are real!!!  
'you have a whole life ahead of you""  so  you mean that i have an entire life time of people  to touch me innapropriately  and use me and blame me  for the things that happened  to me! 
im planning to starve myself to death and die of organ failure I want to meet God

",0.7532727272727264,2.53657194782609,2.6472727272727283,94.70363636363636,81.69565217391305,4.8774703557312264,19.58498023715415,5.565023196281405,-0.30756521739130394,828,21,190,4,22,276,110,230,0.271,0.675,0.054000000000000006,-0.995,0,0,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,9,2,2,13,15,5,1,8,1,14,4,0,4,1,32,32,17,3,3,7,0,3,1,0,2,4,2,0,3,12,12,0,1,3,0,2,2,7,9,0,0,5,5,30,6,29,24,2,16,0,1,0,0,22,4,0,0,9,121,42,1,0.0,0.08251884966318199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795086038970941,0.0,0.0,0.04736151229932094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813978022199766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619995016420625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846693395690542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228131428875181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816243245107538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600037467144032,0.0,0.05867956557266176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565583425684925,0.0,0.03521499426345269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183222438582825,0.0,0.03958129644954926,0.05841556810258011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158752497981236,0.0,0.06238893068165425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.827523219375093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705272634821811,0.07252535275522501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838573496478296,0.03402540559732592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586466159847825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485082445149286,0.060812000571648886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001323579725746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927213440281221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624907661206329,0.05538511219986219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929563493305107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977899497458528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195726463205324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253911069053652,0.04462619766151775,0.0,0.0,0.08122201788850282,0.1600951361178968,0.0,0.19964855538879733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015158446912845,0.0,0.0,0.04107887999087196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284447530773213,0.0777570157402852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neverwantedlife,2018/02/17,"If I can't find a full time job by the end of June, I'll suicide. Can't find a job. Going to run out of money soon. Don't want to be homeless, nowhere else I can live at or anybody who I can rely on. Would rather die than live for the rest of my life with shit conditions through a part-time job. Can't remember the last time I was happy, and I never will feel that again. Family thinks I'm lazy and they hate me, no friends, nobody who cares about my existence. (Don't try to convince me otherwise, you don't know me or my life)

No job, no money, can't eat, starve painfully, suffer, die.

Or no job(skip all that bs) end it, die. Only real solution to this problem!

And people argue against why suicide is the right conclusion to unemployment. The only reason why people argue it is because they've never been in that situation before, they eventually found a job, or they're dead so they aren't posting any pro-arguments.

**I don't want help, I don't want your reasoning for why I shouldn't, I don't want your ""don't do it"" messages. Against your weird reasoning, I'm not posting on here for a ""cry for help"" on either a conscious or subconscious level. Don't try to say in response to that, ""no, you're posting because it's a cry for help."" It's not. I've heard that ingenuine 'reasoning' so many times it makes me want to kms even faster. Don't give me that ""say yes to life"" bullshit. Don't say ""you'll hurt your family."" If I can't find a permanent job I'll be stuck in a condition where I can't take the time or afford to see them either way, even if they did want to see me. Don't say ""it's selfish."" I don't care.**

**ESPECIALLY don't say ""but I'll care."" No, you don't. You're a nameless nobody in a sea of faceless nobodies on reddit, and I'm the same to you. You don't care at all about who I am, never have, never will.**

Only posting this here because at least there will be something left of me after I do it. It's only a matter of when. And that when is coming sooner. I'll finally be done with this pain and suffering once and for all.",0.7450126555579004,2.747233380510444,2.8775590592701934,91.87869252267456,82.94431554524363,6.0527525838430725,21.164364058215565,7.259408732682427,0.5841457076566128,1581,49,354,23,44,535,179,431,0.181,0.778,0.04,-0.9922,10,0,1,0,0,2,82.0,0,9,5,1,15,19,4,0,19,1,45,7,1,5,7,60,72,21,6,13,15,0,1,0,1,6,5,6,0,0,22,11,1,0,14,0,2,3,35,12,0,0,7,9,38,7,46,55,9,44,0,3,2,0,31,17,1,9,19,220,60,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343797373321575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681492805683776,0.0,0.054353900609346535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605039761453539,0.0,0.0,0.055023648924698285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403299070501461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988800829437702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536748077206969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536125014461741,0.05336032854620649,0.0,0.11315062236432001,0.0,0.0,0.08437919186650453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204335024547886,0.0,0.032297701690009874,0.0,0.0,0.0699732022206025,0.17514493700725906,0.0,0.0,0.07003690362788012,0.04935055654564234,0.0,0.0,0.061275825409363924,0.03630228918021265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799735152398373,0.0,0.06306447573095843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844451460363734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683807417814681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437105719155297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03510466260654108,0.052067589276440465,0.0,0.0,0.06940162599378318,0.0,0.13535284549553891,0.0,0.0,0.11280762487604876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042637827433694236,0.06476039231975587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970609048976632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802601713566139,0.0,0.1943227677133086,0.13593745855871986,0.0,0.0,0.06917164787729004,0.0,0.08856736201036672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470278627893435,0.0,0.0,0.06112085075428715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270504518950248,0.0,0.2627012910545604,0.0,0.0,0.07235922824875947,0.05454988475272915,0.0,0.25398439916194515,0.0,0.0,0.1018020460632376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556795205266071,0.0,0.07179947109869879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491749824782579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974028543066788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048026916781904634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040929258964184215,0.0,0.0,0.1489867915239755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673542846789242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22605485636813194,0.050701916228507976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291487550752052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045375785649608535,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aegon-Israel,2018/02/17,"I’m killing myself tonight but I can’t find the guts All that’s missing is me letting myself hang but my need to avoid pain doesn’t let me, how can I get rid of it? Please it’s just that I’ve had enough suffering help me finish this and help me be freed ",-1.2585526315789473,0.7808067192982477,0.4378728070175448,104.61365131578951,95.84210526315788,3.5517543859649123,15.896929824561406,5.148860815047168,-1.1322964912280704,201,5,51,1,8,64,44,57,0.24,0.5670000000000001,0.193,-0.5106,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,0,8,2,1,1,1,9,12,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,1,2,8,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950188037812166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609603899616585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917257713475765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38275648947833335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158859187637527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5839277214758505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117096914484922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038137396550327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134155593491908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,breadstickpolice,2018/02/17,"My Boyfriends the Only Thing Keeping Me Alive i’ve tried so hard to be better for him. i’ve tried so hard to not be depressed, to try and get over this persistent urge to just........kill myself, but i can’t get past it. he went out with his friends tonight and i want him to be happy and have fun but i’m in such a shit place right now and i’m just laying in his bed crying and wishing i wasn’t alive. he is the only thing keeping me alive at this point, and it sucks even then because i don’t believe i deserve him. i just want him to be happy but i’m so depressed and shitty and i just don’t want to hurt him. i want to stop existing. i just want everything inside my head to stop.",0.581898370086293,2.2551651812080564,2.2613854266538844,97.80565436241608,81.75167785234899,5.062511984659636,20.038830297219558,5.773587663045528,-0.29638676893576266,528,14,128,3,14,173,76,149,0.171,0.581,0.247,0.8622,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,2,0,3,0,10,2,2,0,0,28,25,15,0,6,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,2,21,5,16,19,0,15,0,3,0,0,10,8,2,0,6,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689469194478623,0.0,0.0,0.16060047925548954,0.0,0.12607031454277767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565800396396661,0.0,0.0,0.24554924670885614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415025980526733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811111417694215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013065229773078,0.0,0.14894875768108334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034856423930509,0.2553863560723317,0.0,0.14629327575406406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152598394509104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534027912410984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682524638576545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607624477473468,0.0,0.0,0.14893018505559327,0.0,0.1347520037028689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173346788962552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632137578240706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834960463617594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940239891288704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903380422566569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42038649155299296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321415296699774,0.0,0.0,0.1639208149781635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,capitalismsucks1313,2018/02/17,"I am a failure in the eyes of capitalism I had a shit childhood. I remember wishing i was dead at 4 years old. I didn't work in high-school because I was dealing with living with heroin junkies, having no electricity etc. It took all my energy to attend school but I regret not working. I went on to develop PTSD, BPD, anxiety, and Bipolar.

My Bipolar is genetic. the rest is directly from my childhood.

Long story short, i have turned my life around. I volunteer a lot. I'm looking for a job, and every single job application I fill in, my motivation to turn around my life chips away.

Under capitalism, I am a complete failure of a human being. under capitalism, all the effort I have put in to turn around my life means squat.

It doesn't matter that I have gone from being a recluse who can't even answer a phone or have a relationship, to having healthy relationships, able to look after myself, parent myself and fix myself, in spite of lack of care as a kid, in spite of the lack of health care for the poor.

All I am is a failure in the eyes of capitalism",4.263987240829344,5.4544447129186615,5.934909090909091,77.32903030303031,70.77033492822966,8.635534290271133,28.7658692185008,9.029198982220553,2.387715534290271,831,31,158,16,15,285,115,209,0.208,0.7090000000000001,0.083,-0.9789,3,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,3,0,17,0,20,9,3,1,3,24,33,6,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,4,0,1,6,5,4,0,0,7,4,25,2,36,24,9,28,0,1,4,0,8,16,1,2,6,119,29,6,0.11987349276491155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917028938569791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201384696512604,0.0,0.0,0.1126250924467158,0.0,0.0,0.0730737685639563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509764677668565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444380300466449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256850764753694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358430741321992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369063155963729,0.07917531141738816,0.0,0.10099858775578696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741991727186586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665292661757951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791188957160875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540105790606185,0.0,0.0,0.10585049029561254,0.10608426889811684,0.20132708602380664,0.0,0.0,0.1019121568320603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057737573958356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257870657648354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310532764399974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012569818452345,0.12050596950960273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573985396543885,0.13579329936179754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426367488368679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304841769480306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318386117962705,0.0,0.3911638127647295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112392875420588,0.0,0.0,0.1378486007423855,0.0,0.0,0.1745386608385278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719459913376144
suicidewatch,Throwawayacc_ount,2018/02/17,"I cant take it, im waiting for the day i just do it. I lost my long term partner to a drug addiction/overdose going on a few years back, and things have just spiraled out of control since then.

I used to pride myself on being a kind, helpful person, someone who would do anything for someone they cared about, but somewhere along the line that just...changed. i began feeling resentment towards people ive known 20 years, family when they needed something, even something small from me, becoming blank, monotone, slate, angry. Ive slowly become to hate people for wanting me to be normal again, be the so called strong, fun person they claim they always saw me as. The only emotions i seem to be able to feel are bad ones, anger, hatred, jealousy, resentment. I want to be inside and alone and closed off. I want to be the happy life of the party i once was. At the same time. I want to be asleep. Im afraid to die, but i dont think life is going to get any better. I tried telling someone ive been super close too for 20 years how i felt, whos leaned on me alot lately, and got some version of 'suck it up, what would i do without you?' I feel angry. I felt so very hurt in that moment. Nobody cares about 
my needs, they care about what i can do for them. Thats it. I feel like my boundaries have been constantly violated. I feel extremely overwhelmed, depressed and anxious every single day. 

Ive become a horrible, selfish person.

Maybe this is the wrong place to post this. Maybe i wont tomorrow, or the next day. But im waiting for the day i do.",3.071747572815536,4.677833223300971,4.009040776699031,88.33426019417476,74.37216828478964,6.238498381877023,24.657734627831715,6.742157984588678,0.851850899676375,1202,38,242,10,25,387,175,309,0.227,0.626,0.147,-0.9902,0,1,3,0,0,0,51.0,0,1,6,6,13,25,6,2,15,0,30,4,1,3,0,43,62,15,1,9,7,0,7,1,1,3,3,0,0,4,13,9,0,3,10,0,0,2,4,14,0,1,9,8,40,11,37,43,7,36,0,4,1,0,16,13,1,4,21,156,53,0,0.08780155505737182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093593147589532,0.0,0.0,0.07305792744366,0.0,0.0,0.05970806828262781,0.0,0.0,0.0991907654957978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225319863488452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751397617256741,0.07331063099950064,0.0,0.2909097580290824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077653340330556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965520451593831,0.0,0.2685586111436582,0.0,0.09288240317996553,0.0,0.0,0.09488228894313401,0.09847690991460728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264989574823402,0.0,0.0756233507140354,0.0,0.09112415207173936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029027686153792,0.0,0.101821928717709,0.0,0.0,0.09876493167331768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579920990392066,0.0,0.07397659698585382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277149196980046,0.0,0.22197552189277608,0.06272544847656666,0.16860652395517933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045872688641932564,0.0,0.09979929425346944,0.0,0.0702229244040796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346638802185447,0.0,0.0866858580070657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058851531577608036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399338064387144,0.0,0.2845222388533658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143180832493668,0.0,0.0,0.09904397847126377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403366987498013,0.042895404773178485,0.0,0.0,0.07770161327196659,0.0,0.0,0.09584576921099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764169267724771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020748109115346,0.0,0.0,0.0933779498904396,0.0,0.08602688192094095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350579060333596,0.05949660602898023,0.06677703911073123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174108605999436,0.2299947936367273,0.09173393742656608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408961915343377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799312381284435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263035365969278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318191801988674,0.13518785335807068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601584236479427,0.0,0.07674242913033598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833145175986525,0.05625969120935674,0.0,0.0,0.051197792835355437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059611492438513776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758323528626528,0.0,0.07244547824504989,0.2071505281307517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463756586950757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247434111261496,0.09599721713621012,0.0,0.1696239683096641
suicidewatch,maybecomplete,2018/02/17,"I don't know I don't know why my mood is so up and down. Some days I'm fine then the next day I am extremely suicidal. It really hurts. I don't know how to cope with my emotions. The other day I was so happy but started crying my eyes out because I felt so depressed. It's a vicious cycle that I just want to end. 
I am really embarrassed by putting this out there but might as well. ",1.2232142857142847,2.523062511904765,3.5590476190476217,90.91928571428572,78.64285714285714,7.180952380952381,22.714285714285715,7.957251820313856,0.9478285714285716,297,9,70,5,7,103,58,84,0.247,0.6609999999999999,0.092,-0.9522,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,3,0,8,1,1,1,0,15,15,9,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,2,11,3,9,12,1,12,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,7,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820249719855115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310147103807965,0.4068959825578217,0.0,0.1811389505431541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365694710013786,0.18627147130910213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019297512977167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387798580043253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514027965008104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34674120302100875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231047582652952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236661518872136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141876930764802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694588354041778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885788881354642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300440600716693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404577724926287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189093170245746,0.0,0.18977128361586248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedditonRedditgetit,2018/02/17,I just knew not giving cash meant disownment Had to say no this time. Now theres no more love,0.997,2.9959167000000018,1.8800000000000023,99.395,82.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,-0.5299999999999998,74,1,18,1,2,23,19,20,0.258,0.562,0.18,0.0147,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5830250336389776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5485330200228214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.483320336775226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35439354982052645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liliane_of_londor,2018/02/17,"I hate you. Ugly. Worthless. Trash. Absolutely good for nothing. No one loves you. Your parents didn't love you. Your brother and sister didn't love you. Your sister has made it abundantly clear you are not to be a part of your niece's lives because of the choices you have made.

You have ruined your life. It's time for you to shut the fuck up about redemption. That's no longer an option. Your sister will never love you. Your parents will never love you. No one on this planet will ever fucking love you.

And that includes yourself. You know it as well as I do, Garrett. You are a tragic mess. An absolute waste of space. There is no repairing this. So why don't you just fucking do it?

Oh it would be so sad for your family. Your Aunt Patsy, your Aunt Tracy, your... oh no wait, that's all that would miss you. And only because they don't know your full story. If they knew, then no one would miss you. Where's the lie?

I truly believe some people are mistakes. I think I was a desperate attempt to make my parents' relationship work. It didn't! All I did was give them a new and exciting target to cast their insecurities upon.

God. Fuck me. I fucking hate being alive. I fucking hate it. I hate every single fucking second of it. I wake up hating my life. I struggle to go to sleep because I'm too busy hating my fucking life. I am so fucking sick of waiting around for all of this bullshit to be over. I am 24-years-old and absolutely nothing has gotten better, ever. Fuck this. Fuck this.",0.4858807353865515,2.9635675236486487,2.1635700817096186,91.81153676932749,93.3581081081081,4.23997485857951,19.721558768070395,6.0184958892216835,0.11923516656191067,1161,38,230,11,43,378,143,296,0.31,0.626,0.064,-0.998,3,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,28,4,3,12,37,17,2,9,0,30,23,2,3,8,32,68,12,0,5,3,9,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,17,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,14,27,1,4,10,0,49,10,26,48,7,18,0,6,0,17,49,10,11,3,7,168,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059008667368707024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122214292268706,0.0,0.0,0.07468171650857326,0.0,0.05862465376490189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991911411383538,0.0558488838540645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248861977704912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6740845721288221,0.0,0.06358765090250583,0.03767190855335944,0.05559762152959995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926627024937888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285819541270072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404594622843854,0.0,0.0,0.058531825739085414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589546675346381,0.12544298900025727,0.044246475147125715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224782729119816,0.06401951205194613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720656883926074,0.0,0.06955609362806509,0.0,0.1347514960897278,0.050413553115003513,0.0,0.0,0.2208085523509018,0.0717813683975283,0.0,0.04595442378170257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711664463077608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633395405351293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929660624198974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042473445495441416,0.0,0.0,0.03865194807748454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959914928888727,0.0,0.05981287980029516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048257057914437886,0.0,0.0,0.14126319464674147,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrownAway911112,2018/02/17,"Staring at my wrist I'm pretty dizzy and just laying in bed after a FIFA night with my friends thinking how easy it would be to make a cut on my left wrist and fall asleep. I'm actually crying and I don't know why. I'm alone, but there are people who care about me so I kind of hate myself for having these selfish thoughts. I hate myself, but I love many things about the world we live in, I love artists, I love my friends, I love good people, I love athletes and I love the people in this sub, but I hate myself for beeing just a waste, if another sperm cell would have made it, he or she could have made this world a better place, but I'm just me, having the consciousness to make a difference, but beeing too much of a failure to do so.   
   
I really wish we had a plug we can take out whenever we feel like we've had enough. Looking back, I would have pulled it out years ago and as my life has been since then I would have not regretted it even for a moment.  
  
I am truly sorry as I know some people here are going through real pain and obstacles, while I'm thinking about suicide because of depression and loneliness, so this is more of a rant against myself.
",8.394351464435147,5.275146029288706,8.147736401673644,79.21583054393308,63.60251046025105,11.233640167364015,33.941841004184106,8.841846274778883,2.5377745606694555,907,24,197,10,10,292,134,239,0.208,0.562,0.23,0.8753,0,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,4,0,0,1,15,21,4,0,12,0,23,11,3,5,0,46,52,22,1,8,11,0,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,0,10,14,0,0,7,1,0,3,2,8,0,0,6,3,31,13,26,40,4,22,0,2,2,6,16,11,0,3,9,135,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.09890221541429098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983996528417701,0.0,0.0,0.10496722287458872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627349020509036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779312915042176,0.0,0.06178154163309466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963514585644716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033322806994752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091910244124678,0.0,0.111327355231968,0.0,0.0,0.08729193158402393,0.0,0.0,0.10588836006557367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472083290305408,0.0,0.06694020159047025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124520901927182,0.07240390045263435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566043063789324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759909527845659,0.08500691424229477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001841064304014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553961285165152,0.11139775765404708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011622017144404,0.0,0.07158594880160936,0.04951410779044413,0.0,0.08949321489226622,0.0,0.08510781633058298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5488297484766157,0.19179815817417264,0.1353027778842325,0.10275219804951148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450333545041471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510937401500157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078427119095122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810511424043913,0.0,0.10588836006557367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310858878826114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535759643987588,0.06492690322617424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383711912686613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345215018655401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085959310724396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620199767344883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733191597755954,0.12988097114490896,0.0,0.08045995701087644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145190394631188,0.0,0.11654659713321948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879823019415786,0.0,0.0,0.06526557250237329
suicidewatch,___trashcan,2018/02/17,"just looking for someone else to talk to I’ve been thinking about coming to reddit to find someone to talk to who shares similar struggles with suicide, depression, anxiety, & other mental health issues. I finally got the courage because I’m nearing a point where I’m ready to give up, & my “support systems” are failing me. Would love to find someone who understands to talk to ",10.960666666666668,8.802514114285717,9.861428571428572,65.92023809523812,57.85714285714286,12.190476190476188,49.04761904761904,10.504223727775694,5.501333333333332,308,18,48,5,3,97,50,70,0.184,0.643,0.173,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,13,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,4,15,10,0,7,0,2,1,1,8,4,0,0,1,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35417365584302096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250309099117258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996313135818776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407888147078698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077035921934564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653288277417008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904018352971726,0.2987618180573282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156786236431484,0.0,0.0,0.1307176447546718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372873992640905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058856577656367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724817013240362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751069474836426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470875873838073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450332852595386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154457383107074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086264291810635,0.0,0.17877648554031275,0.18546941508055256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940998779083164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472554926927806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014647370111208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610286127678478,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,birdycage,2018/02/17,"Today was a bad day. I really couldn’t think of a better title and had no energy to so sorry, but it’s true.

It was a bad day, I really considered suicide from everything. You might think I’m whiny and spoiled, but that’s how it is. 

So, I’m already having thoughts like everyone is angry at me and I’m a horrible person. Things have happened recently and I feel like everything is my fault and my parents think that way too.

Then, my mom this morning was telling me about how my stepdad was angry and I’m just like “wow, I couldn’t tell.”

I never really speak to anyone at school (I want to most times) and just feel rude. Then, in chorus (a class that causes me significant stress) we had to dance for a show. We had to find a partner and almost I cried.

I found out I’m in junior marshal but I wasn’t even really that happy about it. I come home my Mom congratulates me but I hear something in her voice that really puts me down.

I also got a 50 on a quiz which really just gives me anxiety. After I came home and saw it in the grade book I started crying.

Every single day is like this and the recent problem that’s happened doesn’t help. I don’t even want to come home knowing that my parents are going to be awkward and tense around me. Even though they say its not my fault I can’t believe them.

I know I should persevere and I don’t feel like killing myself as strongly as before but I still think about it a lot.

Idk. I just feel exhausted with life and people and it’s extremely hard to talk about my problems. Especially now with everything that’s been going on.

I just don’t want to live like this anymore.

I have a good life and my parents do a lot for me but I am just tired (and kind of angry). So yeah.

Thank you for reading this. Sorry if maybe this seems like a dramatic teen or something.",1.4277255271357168,3.506811016085792,3.2102543293964203,90.00216650967323,80.93029490616622,6.391681762191148,21.073038185638726,7.534196372845213,0.7387068908050147,1411,41,301,22,37,470,178,373,0.193,0.655,0.153,-0.9631,3,0,2,0,0,2,39.0,2,2,2,3,24,26,2,2,15,1,29,4,0,3,2,72,63,35,2,9,15,5,5,7,1,2,4,4,3,2,23,25,0,0,14,5,0,7,11,11,0,0,14,10,49,15,35,44,4,33,0,0,1,0,22,11,0,8,21,203,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781137578892215,0.0,0.08608378335410635,0.062382980694137176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967591727098055,0.0,0.07736298861085751,0.054545017237039535,0.0,0.0,0.06944367121050224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026686675708762,0.0,0.0,0.06637907443938336,0.0878883187490451,0.0,0.06899174921951104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922038656102113,0.0,0.08013571877956517,0.0,0.1343939936951272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713762810345873,0.15092614696209058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545706728105153,0.0,0.0657251163392976,0.07454000043480657,0.21032571926824195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577727832348802,0.11145788172292684,0.0,0.0,0.07129791165522345,0.0,0.0,0.08553176105671335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483239529424689,0.08866750421952199,0.06542942116389773,0.06239013504536324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796445849058628,0.08304098156508914,0.06987985830022048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792070134313358,0.0,0.05228712751444619,0.0,0.2347451955880859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630430975542369,0.08123334249097675,0.0857423289296861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101987346630988,0.2667754274739452,0.0,0.06888250562545323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326392479936853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836953515555507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275417545835477,0.0,0.18272408661741396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060164589517265075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598560041038084,0.0,0.0,0.05408093485359732,0.06811358900480956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928626856706628,0.0,0.07841960013094022,0.0,0.0,0.07802912417883881,0.0,0.2998435880599944,0.0,0.15404700593827322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062035103826619385,0.0,0.07894827492069728,0.0,0.07101556626267423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010876076549153,0.0,0.17464717035482008,0.055214473886694745,0.0,0.06229730082920355,0.0,0.08935791659268426,0.0,0.0,0.08532810621495615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269988684441996,0.13636488533572727,0.07181929867822512,0.0,0.0,0.05182505832067938,0.19993754244494472,0.07664247778724675,0.0619296496175418,0.045487100346917296,0.08965873676821046,0.07394247613135982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803344350657398,0.06191913062027385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoldenNightmare102,2018/02/17,"I think it's about time I made another attempt. It's been 3 years since my last serious attempt at suicide. Since then I've only been tolerating life,  and putting it off until I found a reasonable way to finish it. Now perilously close to not caring anymore. I need this,  I'm exhausted day in and day out. And my unending stupidity is driving me nuts! I can't do this anymore. I can't. The pain,  the anger,  the loneliness, the yearning for things I can never have. Passion and drive has been sapped from me,  My contempt for life is unending. I deserve death. I can never be what I want in my head. 
And the characters I imagine for novels I wanted to write are having so much fun. And yet I'm here I'm this mundane world, suffering because two people couldn't keep it in their pants. ",2.0132692307692324,4.344785006410259,3.7189102564102576,85.76567307692308,80.34615384615384,6.976923076923077,26.41666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.868982051282051,615,26,121,12,16,205,99,156,0.231,0.721,0.048,-0.9811,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,3,0,6,0,16,6,1,2,2,23,27,9,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,4,1,0,3,6,8,0,1,5,0,19,3,15,20,1,24,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,12,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847156847832428,0.0,0.0,0.35650474010271577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956696756761368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325545703155735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318330240492329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970740711649014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446363340686486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597599047079774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465109287093803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539093432541108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700729863702575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321285342384833,0.13327387653671213,0.2772509404610683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366992862675914,0.1912545172207798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246080973000812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068691286130148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480119139572004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973632146276821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966048292332297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941032319961907,0.11516922188181067,0.0,0.0,0.10480700899996008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557847157307524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202893780953605,0.14266811537105484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574574988945735
suicidewatch,TheOneWithTheTrumpet,2018/02/17,"Reached out for help to the only person I could think of and they said they couldn't be there for me. I can't live like this anymore. I think tonight is the night. I've tried so hard. Ive tried asking for help as a last resort but I have nobody. Not a single person who can help me. Not a single person will find out for week's, not a single person has asked me if I'm okay. All I need is someone to care. I'm so alone.",-0.9729110251450664,0.941023585106386,1.1746421663442952,101.86136363636363,89.7446808510638,3.418181818181818,12.800773694390712,3.1291,-1.7120510638297874,323,4,81,0,11,107,58,94,0.066,0.7659999999999999,0.168,0.8471,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,6,1,11,0,0,0,1,15,20,6,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,11,3,10,15,4,6,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,5,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619384050416914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871411833854666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180799621621321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734494910496765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358276139810603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554873269542021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239481946654834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420851537973116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867115571615066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083112428545042,0.0,0.1502197809860374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261424157837189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596468441931828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293845324665269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5941716741903511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182383573196416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414279969348176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180130757748444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310017090155632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646064225892496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SquareRecover,2018/02/17,"Hotlines and therapists are making things worse? I've been dealing with some pretty bad thoughts for a while. I've tried seeking help without much success. Every time I try talking to somebody, they talking about 'self-care', 'distraction', 'self-soothing', etc. 

I've been dealing with the feelings for a very long time. Yes, i know how to do those things. Yes, it gets me through another day, but I do not really feel any better. I'm sorry, but your recommendation that 'I watch TV' for the rest of the night does not help. I'm pretty I past the point where that was helpful quite a while before I talked to you. 

Some responders do try to find other things to help me, but they always rotate back to this when they realize nothing else is working. Most eventually get annoyed that they can't help and hang out to I guess work with somebody who is less hopeless. By the time I'm done talking to them, I feel more isolated and misunderstand than I did before calling. ",4.692107728337233,6.386871907103827,4.7898243559718985,84.0035655737705,70.36612021857923,7.414363778298204,29.46487119437939,7.957251820313856,1.9389035128805625,761,30,143,10,14,237,114,183,0.112,0.733,0.156,0.8648,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,5,5,5,6,1,1,8,2,12,0,0,2,0,26,24,10,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,4,18,2,21,18,8,15,0,1,1,0,21,3,0,4,11,92,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343938190401832,0.0,0.0,0.07636522401096142,0.11775229100576505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634879778532191,0.0937625838464893,0.0,0.0,0.1911114833023772,0.0,0.0,0.09931680759579498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466691141639568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242171838701332,0.2315447728390445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827110630636868,0.11491793661577335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380901300222533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523987698406314,0.0,0.0,0.0946143387800238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034090308251265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026366348722938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734019354116312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370685536871966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763486679085721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061715020139805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937854755976497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495854349267153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255058171070731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538231749778534,0.0,0.10775117216891636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719936941273266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615614685695554,0.0,0.0,0.2284910851945943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944076458609175,0.0,0.0,0.07193978091843467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342987236975049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570633163751102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610375251215877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038447037036938,0.22381369094582204,0.0,0.0,0.08915058923887925,0.1964423417735786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287251172896841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265607369136923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824946884520094,0.0,0.1635058504651412,0.0,0.11443935740881858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsdonethankfuck,2018/02/17,dontbeme its not worth it. never end it where i was. i never sought help. i never asked for it. i even took the easy option of an entire box. not waking up tomorow. dont be me. ,-2.230714285714285,-0.6716139210526268,0.8113533834586484,98.91447368421056,109.26315789473685,2.1714285714285717,10.691729323308273,3.1291,-1.8662902255639096,133,2,30,0,7,46,30,38,0.107,0.815,0.079,-0.0062,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,3,6,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28842960189435657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615894719779162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732619299315245,0.0,0.0,0.2037781174659648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067980727299748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7138614272885577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34278307242720124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatwalrus,2018/02/17,"I think I'm finally ready to peace out, yo death is terrifying to me. when i attempted suicide the first few times in highschool i believed in god and thought i'd go to heaven or something after but now i'm pretty sure it'll just be nothing. and that really fucks with my head. so i havent been able to bring myself to try again for a long time. but i'm going to die at some point anyway. no matter what i'll get old and die. and getting old scares me even more. beyond all that i'm ugly as fuck and no matter how many dates i go on or girls i sleep with they all just end up cutting me out of their lives completely extremely quick. clearly i have no worth. i used to think i was talented and i'd be able to do something creatively but i cant. everything i make sucks. i'm gonna do it. maybe tonight.",0.5447545219638243,2.5711459302325608,2.543643410852713,93.84541343669252,83.88372093023256,5.9152454780361765,20.60206718346253,7.1686216300943375,0.43024702842377227,628,19,144,9,18,210,111,172,0.225,0.605,0.17,-0.9429,0,0,2,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,2,11,8,4,1,2,0,11,4,2,3,4,30,31,15,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,3,0,1,4,5,5,0,1,3,0,18,3,22,24,5,28,1,0,0,2,3,9,3,3,15,87,23,1,0.29453730215900603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592133893876262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544083787535202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056832181981231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043631320497184,0.0,0.0,0.09726955511428434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132355567652818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132560882280025,0.0,0.125266639376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722949897351445,0.15388358379924266,0.0,0.2510885046476325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114012301443513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004091698996376,0.1303281219311727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983029681553852,0.14930729746582772,0.14795115426143485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413082425682669,0.0,0.3090673521086955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921647670485934,0.0,0.0,0.14982516218361142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434406891085964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744161095448302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737500673806478,0.0,0.0,0.22674920499264184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108800161168518,0.0,0.13879896078953552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887276103284849,0.0,0.11691485888916958,0.17174706949515686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998574711483814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719283054805214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayhelp41,2018/02/17,"Just so lost and alone I'm not really sure where to start. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for about 7 years now. I always told myself that things would get better. I thought that there was so much I wanted to experience in the world, but now it's like I don't care anymore. The last year and a half to two years has taken everything out of me. I have absolutely nothing anymore. I have no friends. Literally nobody talks to me other than a choice few family members and my boyfriend. I feel as though I am so insignificant. I'm supposed to be having the greatest years of my life at college but I haven't made a single friend. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror because of my looks and weight. Everyday is just tougher than I can stand. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so empty. ",2.0524318181818195,4.208092133333338,3.5215719696969714,88.18235795454548,79.18181818181819,6.5492424242424265,23.645833333333336,7.6454224807358475,1.1154924242424245,642,22,133,10,16,211,105,165,0.147,0.737,0.116,-0.2945,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,12,9,0,1,7,0,16,2,0,1,1,19,32,13,0,2,5,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,7,4,19,6,21,23,4,18,0,2,2,0,4,7,0,0,10,95,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557963375290946,0.0,0.0,0.1251667777352197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507574981345242,0.0,0.44754757007479823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169850977992867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303988669877806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533696942781927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956199910975796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519350829549442,0.14714583971056452,0.1418085798585791,0.0,0.07606008487672641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243805739504275,0.0,0.07859156185055424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267039069991305,0.12261755643490745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625058314785596,0.07349071870738708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25264050465059323,0.0,0.1642081360841436,0.0,0.0,0.1423370542253148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058067917776804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443381446104809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636697487776168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106472548284674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725828727305202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417750593320549,0.0,0.0,0.1209070060720944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993658611558848,0.0,0.14779312999713484,0.11942172305558447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373882854921208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469446909968837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872536157102978,0.0,0.0,0.18317877525182133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685856662441402,0.0,0.0,0.3874785627036314
suicidewatch,cherryjayslayer,2018/02/17,"I was going to have a FWB and lose my virginity at a party, but a tall guy with a rumored big dick won her over. I'm a young short guy. Always been insecure. Followed some guys' advice received from a previous account. I went to a party recently. Alot of the girls at the party were going away in pairs with certain guys. I tried to be confident but most girls rejected me. There were two girls who seemed interested in me, but really they tried to get closer to my friend. 6'0, black, chiseled jawline, and he had somewhat of a noticeable bulge. Once they were talking to him they ignored me or gave me weird looks whenever I tried to conversate. The day after, he told me about his first threesome. I HATE MY SMALL DICK. I HATE BEING UGLY. I HATE MY LIFE.",2.279684684684685,4.640431743243244,3.7255675675675697,85.92573873873877,79.54054054054055,6.91963963963964,24.055855855855857,8.021203637495839,1.5123418018018016,590,21,115,11,15,194,95,148,0.256,0.581,0.163,-0.9719,1,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,3,3,2,12,3,1,12,0,9,4,2,0,1,15,23,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,8,0,2,10,2,22,4,20,11,4,21,0,2,2,3,23,11,2,6,5,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581343795803658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416076364586201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019458391074094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623282684718236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269241760166669,0.0,0.0,0.1152849311483418,0.0,0.07795989089155952,0.0,0.16960728314370166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5909944261671187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419636323144034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539660587382778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530496731189394,0.16693601257357565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988490762813893,0.0,0.1589115756886662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559243600866266,0.0,0.14733410161701427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358418437593937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993522942487662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258354366192216,0.0,0.3039262958400976,0.0,0.14576363934584655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832595042346627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXMadSupraXx,2018/02/17,"I don't want to be here. I'm a burden to everyone I've come in contact with. I left my job because I couldn't deal with everyone's outright distaste for me. I can sense it in my family, I can sense it in my ""friends"". There's no relationship with me, I'm just dealt with to keep up appearances. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to fade away.",0.5244155844155856,2.0507409220779245,3.105194805194806,92.39207792207796,81.33766233766234,6.997402597402598,23.98701298701299,7.957251820313856,1.1022519480519488,269,10,66,5,7,94,43,77,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.6971,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,15,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,12,1,15,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447442097367983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318624443869012,0.0,0.0,0.15043772423820706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258325441469506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25442429375361625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716269065550807,0.0,0.0,0.23264674728712126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066532523145646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448958356721344,0.21935367038381925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681324085870923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649545198558705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366802091656032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lynchpin1023,2018/02/18,"Bad decision. Afraid now there is only one way out. Due to the events [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7veqgv/had_sex_with_a_married_woman_saturday_night/) I'm thinking of ending my life. She casually contacted me on a messaging app yesterday and it drudged up my anxiety and depression a hundred fold. 

This person is married and knows where I live. I called the Suicide Prevention line tonight and spoke with a man about it. He suggested trying to break contact which I'm doing right now.

Unfortunately she is kind of of playing around. One minute she says good luck, then she says ""It hurt you to have sex with me?""

I want to end it guys. Any help would be so appreciated.",5.9190395480225995,9.19435618644068,5.3450000000000015,74.25586158192094,71.88135593220339,9.0180790960452,29.324858757062145,9.516144504307137,3.2074384180790965,562,23,92,15,12,171,88,118,0.14800000000000002,0.716,0.136,-0.5512,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,15,13,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,6,8,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,3,12,5,14,10,0,17,0,2,0,1,18,6,0,1,9,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406068304392741,0.0,0.15817414177321568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840640847701556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263957382694467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111294922438273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808580911990207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366263639979886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734241049420864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047291880092256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858976784268076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134548503643744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531322549319595,0.11363226500990002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604375665211758,0.0,0.0,0.18257668601925356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28021771382823696,0.1572535854121946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053863227617992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657560278977374,0.0,0.3288545784066042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261666110367056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324862299178002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037940349801725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195495526004642,0.16411989615060554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687944327395372,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaynextt,2018/02/18,"I spoke to my parents on the phone I was on the phone with my parents an hour ago after being told to speak to them about my depression that has plagued my life for so life, every since I was 12, I'm currently 18; they told me how much they hated me because I'm throwing away all my opportunities and am being lazy. I'm balling my eyes out as I type this, I have exams this week and I haven't done any studying, my life is a mess, I have nothing left to live for, please someone help me.",6.13432692307692,4.2042645480769245,6.704692307692309,84.0403076923077,66.98076923076923,9.473846153846154,32.33846153846154,7.554174236665415,1.8905484615384616,379,12,88,3,5,125,67,104,0.122,0.8059999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.743,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,11,4,1,1,1,6,18,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,3,20,1,14,10,2,11,0,1,1,0,12,5,0,0,5,58,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015056751752616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053141166181598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034172633277895,0.0,0.0,0.11700988905914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532477112765168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642973206713615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172470341517067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950918598165756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865888507600914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903038942362047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085523663749232,0.0,0.4067362373642746,0.0,0.0,0.16949384669418302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110407065205507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417955022832333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262716957638168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070156895993405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878159962939253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626371535955585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668296120056626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539693309829402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PurpleFlame18,2018/02/18,"God I just don’t know what to do Sorry, new to reddit, typing through tears too. Also this is really long

My best friend of 17 years was in a really bad car accident several weeks ago. Recently found it was a drunk driver and I’m so fucking pissed on top this hurt. He’s luckily still alive, but it’s not looking great. His mom called me yesterday and told what had happened. I’m too devastated to be upset at just now being told, his parents are super conservative and they know I’m gay, so that’s great. He’s in and out of consciousness, and I can’t bare the thought of losing him. From what his parents told me when he was awake he demanded that they call me, and they did thankfully.

I don’t have all the details as I’m not considered family by the hospital. All I know is that his parents say that the doctors say that his odds aren’t good. He was awake last night and he looked at me and said “if I die, I just want you to know that you are the best friend I’ve ever had. I love you” and fucking hell I just can’t right now. I told him he’s not going to die, I won’t allow it. But I don’t know what to do. If he doesn’t make it, I’m honestly thinking suicide. I just can’t do this without him. He was the only person in my conservative ass hometown that stood by me when I came out, he is the only person who stood up for me when my “friends” kept harassing me for being gay, he’s the only person I completely trust outside of my boyfriend. He has been the greatest friend I’ve ever known, and he means so much to me. We’ve been through so much.

How do I do this? I just love this man so damn much. He’s the only family I have. Even when my parents disowned me, he would sneak into my backyard where my parents made me sleep with a tent and he would just let me cry on his shoulder for hours, not even speaking. He was completely happy to just be there for me. We never said a word those nights, but I never felt more loved or more like someone actually cared than those silent, tear filled nights. And can I just tell you that this amazing friend went to prom with me so that I wouldn’t feel lonely? He didn’t have a date and neither did I, but one day he was just like “do you want to go to prom?” And I was like “yea, but remember? I’m gay. No guy at our school in his right mind would go with me.” And he said “okay start looking at tuxes. You’re going with me” and we went together, but not as a couple. And in the slow dance part, we fucking square danced and he made me realize that I am loved, even if I don’t have a boyfriend. Dude he’s just the friend i could ask for. I love him.  And one time He was sleeping over at my house one time, and my dad came home and had just found out I was gay. My dad started hitting me for being a failure to him and God, and this friend was so amazing. He called the cops and probably saved my life. My dad is still in jail, but that’s for unrelated reasons. Just being there for me. I love him to fucking pieces, not even romantically. This is the guy that I would take a bullet for. I just fucking don’t know what to do. I haven’t let go of his hand yet, because every once in a while, he squeezes my hand and I remember that he’s still alive.

If there is a God, this is some sadistic shit. Born gay in some town that thinks conversion therapy is a good thing, my parents call me a disgrace and make me live in a tent, only allowed to come inside to shower and change clothes, forcing me to hate myself for so long, and when I finally feel like my life is finally looking up and that everything will be ok? You try to take my best friend away from me? If you exist God, fuck you.

I’m sorry I’m just at a really low point right now and I can’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m so numb right now and I can’t breathe and I don’t know how to go on if he doesn’t pull through.

I posted this to r/offmychest earlier but didn’t get many responses. I just need someone to talk to

Also, he’s in so much fucking pain when he’s awake. I hate it. The docs said that right around the time I showed up, his vital signs got much better, even though they’re still not great. So I think there’s some proof that love heals, but I guess I’m just trying to be optimistic here. If my love could heal him at a 1:1 exchange rate, he’d be in perfect condition by now. But that’s not the case. They also said if his kidney function doesn’t improve, he could need a transplant. Which I will do in a heartbeat. They’ve already tested my blood and we’re the same type of blood (A-). His dad refuses to donate and his mom isn’t even at the hospital anymore. 

And I’ve seen the wounds. He has cuts and gashes that are impossibly deep, a shattered leg, especially the femur, and a compound fracture of his left ulna, as well as severe head trauma. He’s suffering so much and I can’t do anything but watch him suffer. If I could, I would trade spots with him in an instant. He has so much more to live for than me. I just really love him. If I could take the pain away, even if it meant transferring it to me and making it 10x worse, I’d do it. No questions asked.

God, if you exist, don’t take my best friend away from me. Please. He is everything to me.",1.505386904761906,3.101018325750683,3.0153608393994524,93.83392691272371,78.66333030027297,6.289812708522898,21.366024037003328,7.126321808644098,0.36501523354564736,4016,109,937,47,96,1317,368,1099,0.14,0.6759999999999999,0.183,0.9957,10,2,0,0,0,1,126.0,4,9,4,9,73,73,15,1,47,3,97,45,14,10,8,176,196,93,3,27,51,12,6,4,9,9,9,8,3,6,48,55,1,4,25,4,3,16,37,27,1,3,45,23,135,46,104,124,24,112,1,6,8,22,135,49,12,18,50,605,183,9,0.0,0.0,0.03744843024351383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03401709111298703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042347728197909065,0.09206533708249402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038057653679021884,0.0,0.0,0.031579326485630485,0.03416185486865025,0.07175082418361578,0.0,0.10816362870203683,0.0,0.03204149290192202,0.02339302251716175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108863313400468,0.03393953808730678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674051961917349,0.08778147364310214,0.03912583443624602,0.0,0.04059562469493131,0.03305663444775436,0.08047084150275359,0.0,0.0,0.1531964350062938,0.04246116893563226,0.04215309716911385,0.024748677782191558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965431021375842,0.0,0.0,0.03927840282563515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03398882875027117,0.0,0.0,0.2027704199948795,0.06942470581036132,0.03233256316190659,0.0,0.06897788832818816,0.0,0.07235300354869192,0.0,0.03880707074626745,0.027415082706701517,0.03684598445595443,0.08407579693999488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415233690691222,0.26683562531078137,0.24833925782557034,0.020049335375691597,0.0,0.13085626197083816,0.06437420000925385,0.03069196517843161,0.1269256033632596,0.0422743504456478,0.0759944974260593,0.03393485486748392,0.0408508638861796,0.0,0.07577466640682265,0.0393837853294733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849321885879939,0.0,0.03779161053626446,0.044279557358058746,0.04108119378687077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476291404354151,0.03128071836243719,0.0,0.0,0.04169451182156105,0.07848200351500736,0.05421074540915608,0.07499227813626279,0.0,0.06777159442025124,0.0679212729771366,0.12890122267465778,0.04293176996647967,0.0,0.0,0.3117141380296419,0.07262263961563481,0.0768467614925517,0.038906191382127926,0.0,0.04180158695708288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874777523798095,0.0898885905543361,0.0,0.0,0.1974701035953308,0.056909100689472414,0.0591942775919914,0.03706278038470318,0.0,0.1080369153527698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040868085365761,0.07801160843012002,0.14592945085225348,0.08166733692056755,0.0,0.2556651439706477,0.041556347547172384,0.0,0.0,0.10052261789753812,0.0,0.04212418785039386,0.03627674586678841,0.0,0.03675260870757513,0.0,0.04137470286069955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298874339077917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983359410588665,0.03945585542331125,0.03789064840668677,0.0,0.0869427093217438,0.16386005242090407,0.1825168977542212,0.0610346249484034,0.0,0.03883751338254824,0.030579878729519838,0.0,0.0,0.08670557503703566,0.039391350171249576,0.0,0.0,0.07680535800208757,0.0,0.06502996672811118,0.0,0.0,0.08591526316050377,0.05432399556896938,0.0,0.12258518667221854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419759832670146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541279160782927,0.030844343297563637,0.0335414109076849,0.035330511988293636,0.043885116957728655,0.0,0.025494621612727086,0.07376738429224028,0.03770320833132604,0.03046543573262108,0.06713025218972496,0.0,0.0,0.1466756945521557,0.0,0.05210816455405022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526909730715652,0.0,0.030782082229098895,0.0,0.03450370223716848,0.07114795414629359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036992096904230116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910736786134837,0.13630237073621998,0.0,0.0,0.02471221932613006
suicidewatch,greesybitch,2018/02/18,"i don't know what to do at this point. personally i think it would be kinder to let suicidal people end their pain of their own accord rather then deciding their fate for them. if they're in so much anguish that they feel the need to kill themselves, it would be a lot less damaging to let them do what they want to do rather than keeping them stuck on this hellish earth and possibly getting them locked up in some kind of institution? it would make me so much happier to be left to do what i need to do instead of having the constant so-called ""support"" from people who are only getting involved now that there's something for them to brag about to their friends when i die e.g. ""i tried to help her but she was so lost"". it's all bullshit. we're forced into living and expected to be happy in a life that we didn't even choose. 
i've had a friend commit suicide, i was in an emotionally/sexually/at times physically abusive relationship for almost a year, i've been bullied, i've been sexually manipulated, i've been used for all sorts of reasons and i'm still being told to ""be positive"" and to ""cheer up"" when all i want to do is be 6 feet under. i'm falling in love with someone who can't love me back and they're the only reason that i'm not dead because i'm naïve enough to think that maybe, just maybe, one day they'll be stable enough to be with me. 
my parents don't even notice when i'm in a state of depression. they know i'm diagnosed, they take me to therapy but they don't seem to hear me crying at 3am every night because i'm thinking about the boy who forced me to have sex with him after he tried to break up with me and i said i'd do anything to keep him. 
i don't know whether to end my life now or to carry on for a while to see if things possibly improve but then again, i'm probably being naïve.",8.231447368421055,5.157589960526316,8.360394736842109,77.42401315789476,63.868421052631575,11.605263157894738,35.85526315789474,9.516144504307137,2.96521052631579,1435,46,316,20,16,473,189,380,0.152,0.716,0.131,-0.8732,1,0,1,0,0,3,33.0,1,0,15,1,20,15,2,1,11,0,39,8,1,5,4,56,75,22,5,12,11,1,1,0,2,4,4,2,0,2,18,12,0,2,12,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,11,4,38,8,59,48,11,39,1,3,1,3,37,17,0,8,19,211,56,0,0.0,0.11470048687345102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693824524213238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966392769945106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443862165455904,0.0,0.118025319845044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461399563111996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063379640701408,0.062432518261421564,0.0,0.08337974314627067,0.0982570859644471,0.10047040130361737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148456901908282,0.20005505643131466,0.0,0.1278802453672477,0.0,0.08156408830441958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894853725846346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495857246429068,0.0,0.1011553431652773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305287126910537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910854552341268,0.0,0.06488770386889074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720930520408621,0.1071026227721484,0.10080961265998717,0.15960781686892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518110880952916,0.1979834705015807,0.13675532012291222,0.0,0.0,0.08548237088634703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567629631605904,0.08230186524234588,0.17474422751570678,0.0,0.06461943654039241,0.0,0.1945113235800267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232859465176384,0.1435623551005697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084682893676277,0.0,0.0,0.11021543214849708,0.0,0.0,0.06559894109334306,0.14725219965922162,0.10300949304297537,0.0,0.10749273766079803,0.0,0.0,0.1342275949185947,0.08452815449787912,0.0,0.0,0.09151392323766633,0.21827073558208085,0.0,0.0,0.10437433929380499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906747632460825,0.0,0.10393450880998213,0.0,0.0,0.09208564313894728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771426600651205,0.08812947378799606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202427258990551,0.07452677237296504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731020999231071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178233155912446,0.10985545733252852,0.0,0.0,0.07278683009928638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070726242351173,0.0,0.06431428149062386,0.18609008559788864,0.0,0.0,0.05644895096503081,0.0,0.0,0.09250325471148507,0.0,0.13145122190854336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836101818309388,0.0,0.0,0.11419857534129832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063067851532846,0.0,0.0,0.06234054594500631
suicidewatch,084k,2018/02/18,"I can’t do this much longer People will probably laugh this off but I’m in a true state of misery, one I’ve never been in.
My life feels like its an uphill climb, constantly. I’m very scared to share my thoughts here since I’m scared someone I know personally will see this but I can’t hold it in for much longer. Everything feels like a chore. I’m only 17 and currently studying but its as if I know I won’t ever make it. I have no talents whatsoever since I’ve stopped playing my favourite sport since I was dropped from the team. Now all I do is stay home and rage at video games. I’ve constantly had bad grades no matter how much I try and persevere. I honestly have no idea how I’ve made into my 2nd year, but its my toughest one yet. I’m losing motivation quickly and getting ever so close to giving up everytime. I’m forced to study by my parents so dropping out is never an option. No matter how hard I try and how many hours I spend studying, I’m never rewarded. My grades are always shocking and I’m embarrassed of my family, friends and classmates. I know I won’t make it and I’m honestly tired of disappointing myself and going through the same cycle round and round. The only thing keeping me alive is my love for my girlfriend. She understands me and encourages me but I don’t discuss such feelings with her. She has her troubles of her own. My so-called friends are by no means cooperative and I’m spoken about behind my back daily. My family won’t allow any excuses and want me to try harder. I’m honestly at a stand-still. My future is in my hands yet I have no ambition or desire to fulfill it. I feel as though my aim in this world is to be a failure. I’m losing friends due to how anti-social I’m becoming, I’m doing poorly at school and as time goes on everything feels like its only getting worse. I’m so fed up of being this way. I don’t think I can last much longer. I am by no means looking for sympathy or pity, I just want people to see this when I’m gone, so they’d know why I left. ",2.0604676514223037,3.842905608591888,3.836987679803912,87.7231497129588,77.63961813842482,7.011829968393215,23.97348900212862,7.917944638633933,1.2296919434948077,1586,53,337,26,37,533,204,419,0.185,0.631,0.184,-0.5103,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,7,22,28,1,3,9,0,31,5,1,10,7,69,77,36,0,4,9,1,9,3,4,5,2,0,2,1,15,18,1,3,16,5,2,3,17,11,0,2,7,12,49,17,41,62,7,46,0,4,5,1,20,17,0,4,24,206,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504180183465223,0.0,0.0,0.06132942973847896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934730560100083,0.0753013675084106,0.0,0.0996031194133356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491759959874866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163156420407481,0.0,0.0,0.1621063455081218,0.0,0.17003827278692654,0.0,0.2280032257808971,0.1932862389861026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090319526971688,0.0,0.09423670588917958,0.08651442749589508,0.05125466273582956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078875346119828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046370057539553,0.0,0.08881483651329082,0.0,0.0,0.10180877935161073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016127385504647,0.0,0.0,0.1982550062803297,0.0735134557102886,0.0,0.0,0.0979871246127488,0.0,0.0637008905211604,0.13218066446334958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757333496493045,0.2017896605459672,0.0,0.0,0.08139619647833952,0.08533597501007421,0.12039943013255992,0.09143423574506523,0.0,0.196477528155454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265187729963088,0.0,0.20867052285891025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222445053356247,0.2057710714521717,0.0,0.0,0.1001406469217586,0.0,0.0,0.12504694254151386,0.0787467531176946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723553503582026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058341746798906,0.09127283417423576,0.1437327963227377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380785209303194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641412712326327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612605243844753,0.0,0.07539935861363062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991543145084453,0.05778741262906776,0.08860708068421637,0.07159744333474401,0.05258805934900263,0.10365529863111607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836906941860018,0.0,0.0,0.0938865878646804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441272169230445,0.10638783103941184,0.07158528222426654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137864788773637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190702470162844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807669184208775
suicidewatch,GetChemical66,2018/02/18,"I don't know who I am anymore. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2, personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder. 


I took a blow to the head during an army exercise due to my own negligence and stupidity. Ive not been the same since. I hear voices, i cannot control impulsive behavior, I drink to excess.


I hate myself so much. Ive ruined my career in the army. The only thing i wanted to be was a solider, someone who defends the helpless, helps those in need and protects his fellow man. 

The only reason keeping me alive is that I dont want to do damage to my family. Even though my family were the ones who fucked me up initially in my childhood. Ive been molested several times and raped twice.  Recently my childhoold memories have been coming back to me, due to therapy, and being repressed for so many years and it horrifys me. 


Ive never accomplished anything major in my life. I never graduated college,  the only thing my parents keep begging me to do, so Im overwhelmed with guilt. 

When I did attend college, I loved it. I was a tutor and TA in computer science, I spent my summers interning at a US embassy. I was getting ready to be an officer in the US army. 

But then someone connected to me betrayed me. My boss, Cathy, a previous 'friend' of mine, had me fired intentionally so she could hire her new friend. 

I HELPED HER GET THAT JOB AND THAT BITCH CUT ME OUT. 

I lost my way then, dropped out of college joined the army and now here I am. Ready to slit my wrists and die. My leg hurts from cutting it so much. 

I deserve a painful death and then to be forgotten.",3.1963213859020314,5.198545138709683,4.951003584229394,80.01613500597372,75.03225806451613,8.334528076463561,29.54599761051374,9.049649993220411,2.7295101553166075,1243,56,234,29,27,422,176,310,0.224,0.7140000000000001,0.062,-0.9949,2,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,2,0,0,3,11,20,8,3,18,0,28,12,3,4,2,33,44,22,2,4,2,1,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,12,16,1,5,2,2,1,3,6,17,0,2,13,3,54,3,29,26,5,31,0,6,0,3,19,10,2,0,16,172,66,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543101112708562,0.0,0.0,0.0957818791902562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949936655527585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002626376009632,0.0,0.0,0.13054513387199235,0.09293068638957584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813688590574148,0.12079800880726535,0.0,0.2667939194713912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641223832411015,0.11402125431919835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768767657226022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945074250099625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985055746168735,0.107603854611611,0.12162153107814015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491441951370905,0.1194532432539079,0.0,0.13118385984400935,0.0,0.15603213128910387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246015788866182,0.0,0.12572488242126875,0.0,0.1155025238915664,0.2069116649915556,0.0,0.0,0.06396678762327307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221212491590375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705718308549113,0.0,0.10504961889557576,0.0,0.0,0.11800467386192146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711251334441564,0.08630425682994651,0.17953958415327526,0.112413504286672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887120347010725,0.2655673553682234,0.12385082060371208,0.0,0.12924113472410936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163025745901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967183591529218,0.11492447471231387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149145085627426,0.0,0.0962818517548582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972395585995971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331060360837049,0.0,0.15465325192560175,0.0,0.11435595838686965,0.0,0.06786994763988438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293173883454934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001394099916393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730372657881112,0.09238769059918657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495355567812853
suicidewatch,withinmeblue,2018/02/18,"Sometimes I'm afraid of getting better I talked to my therapist about this bc it has been weighing my thoughts down. I am 18, so obviously not old, but I've been depressed since I am able to remember. (depression runs in the family, and it was a ...rough childhood to say the least lol) I feel like my whole personality revolves around me being sad. People say I'm funny, all my jokes seem to be self deprecating. I make sad art, listen to sad music, in creative writing my stuff was sad. But people praised all of it. If I become less sad, will I become less me? Will my creativity die? Idk yet but it scares me. Anyone else feel the same way?",1.611934758155229,4.040327724409451,3.3714791901012404,87.04797244094487,82.77952755905511,6.148256467941509,22.457255343082114,7.447530270364453,0.9962310461192354,499,17,101,8,14,166,83,127,0.225,0.629,0.145,-0.9402,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,4,13,0,2,4,1,11,1,0,1,3,18,20,6,1,1,5,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,2,6,2,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,9,0,0,5,6,16,4,12,11,7,9,1,7,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,64,22,0,0.16877591279538334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801204246196663,0.17293086767348953,0.0,0.15024634495932626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727994712649467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926857943844318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907328927617921,0.0,0.17516275120143066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099061828843448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910690991190948,0.0,0.17067634531622985,0.12057354582404382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881784484666772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245538579117451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265923235735956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771019293143283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340159341261205,0.14736861706249607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119020829926714,0.0,0.0,0.2684347600480054,0.1689741319042212,0.0,0.0,0.15364725222894035,0.17607008570444432,0.0,0.0,0.1396131791465003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692369334354976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320804086735652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565568558697907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596184315778234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398922230713234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396646370487825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843227930072134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TehTexasRanger,2018/02/18,"How do I get courage to commit suicide? I'm 21 years and old and I have never enjoyed life since I was born. I'm going to commit suicide anyways even if it's later but I need to know how peo people build up the courage to do so to begin with.

I have nothing to look forward to in my life and currently only life because it would hurt my parents. After they unfortunately pass away I will commit suicide. So what can I do to make sure it's successful and that I'll be able to go through with it?",2.5819285714285733,3.728375038095237,4.363035714285719,87.15883928571432,74.80952380952381,6.392857142857142,27.410714285714285,6.6274283507984215,1.1403571428571424,389,15,83,3,8,132,66,105,0.177,0.655,0.168,-0.4786,2,0,0,0,0,6,6.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,3,5,19,20,10,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,5,16,16,0,15,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,9,56,16,1,0.18238262235135488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135447736789694,0.0,0.0,0.11117875377108756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046200197159222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528739261344586,0.0,0.2073044945829128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952443693542424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023271952667047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864667195850846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531554685379395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174181664380182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523440351171306,0.1406647218893863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500104503265101,0.0,0.19137988209840692,0.0,0.0,0.13871020277392682,0.0,0.0,0.20251431859299987,0.0,0.0,0.1264411462246621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086878989905672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5984909608648037,0.0,0.1718934631564753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955938210532958,0.0,0.0,0.1174484291451139
suicidewatch,wondersusheu,2018/02/18,"I need an escape I doubt anyone is going to read all this, random thoughts coming out of me right now, because I just feel like I'm going to explode. 

I'd like to go to a different country, probably S.Korea, Hong Kong or Japan, and take a walk at a busy street surrounded by skyscrapers with my camera, at night, and just take pictures of the buildings, the people on the street doing regular activities, the locals etc. I just have a very deep urge to do that.
I think of that all the time. But I'm trapped in my own thoughts. And I sit all day depressed doing nothing. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. I want to do this, to escape, to find a reason, a purpose, something, but I can't even think properly. I don't want to exist anymore, and the only think that could get me out of this thought for a brief amount of time, is this. Me escaping, and travelling. And like I don't know, start over. Start doing something. Fuckdnskdjsjskssbsdhdh I'm so fucking desperate I feel like my mind is going to explode. I have panic attacks all the time. I have no friends left, they all moved on with their lives and got into the university of their choice and found new acquaintances. And all I managed to fucking do is FAIL my exams because I had no idea wHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I got distracted and anxious as fuck and I failed. And now I'm giving exams again. I still can't figure myself out. Each day becomes worse. I drown in my own misery. I fucking suck at everything. I feel like I'm never going to escape this fucking routine of failing and studying pointless shit and overthinking and having anxiety and low self esteem and existensial crisis and thinking everything is wrong with me. 
I'm a failure and don't even deserve my family for giving away so much money just for me to give exams again.
These were random thoughts of mine, I doubt anyone read this far, but I haven't talked to anyone about my thoughts, my feelings and I can't, because I'm an introvert, I can't talk to people casually. I just feel like my mind is going to explode. 
I wanna cry so fucking bad and scream at the universe and have someone hug me. 

I deserve nothing.",3.6279699564790135,5.387888150357995,4.649112031447427,83.68031693106839,73.22434367541766,6.93418503439562,28.07531938789836,7.618777277803332,1.7165442369788009,1681,66,318,21,34,548,187,419,0.237,0.68,0.083,-0.9977,1,1,2,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,3,3,16,30,9,4,19,0,31,9,1,1,7,80,82,30,1,6,9,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,11,32,0,0,20,4,1,11,12,21,0,0,10,6,51,9,50,71,12,50,0,5,0,7,10,23,8,5,21,217,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713891922856507,0.08438032122958668,0.07407406135784317,0.1566784463526026,0.0,0.061464876092069035,0.0,0.0,0.08497255169255029,0.07017527789754485,0.0,0.062364420340557065,0.13659403702836326,0.08249107568504863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434025568203873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596352167275841,0.0,0.08204528667118595,0.09633988958042693,0.0,0.06433182155427901,0.0,0.0,0.07803689253750518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833009502428107,0.09866628049994362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342561045788565,0.0,0.07041265430459658,0.0,0.1888317501008812,0.21343896138988105,0.0,0.0,0.0682668285890638,0.0,0.0,0.08189555535953254,0.057706595041396525,0.41430744395362656,0.039023312139223935,0.2149531529267653,0.25469396668636113,0.0,0.11947549531005985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431779820112448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104858568772103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115271248731926,0.0,0.05275693183242305,0.2189434479676812,0.0,0.06595410854468596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083457875072476,0.0,0.0,0.0793854193084413,0.054906967853966766,0.05538292312822367,0.05760681658626971,0.07213767541907301,0.0,0.07009306778121605,0.0,0.14333733388431236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680637691179916,0.0,0.08763457557281408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035635918044838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053024771874892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494237551032481,0.0,0.0,0.07679547142349376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378627373876193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791969616499822,0.0,0.07666992069881119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328600530846508,0.11500258552975402,0.0,0.0,0.10573428974149147,0.0,0.05964886009332376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231767306441624,0.12006866199560355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143761187018926,0.0,0.2964841940578615,0.13065993141900314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061628445908175976,0.1321652375035749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611718764738402,0.0,0.08166361030294657,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LouderCreep,2018/02/18,"I can't keep going I'm 16, and i've been fat most of my life. It went from chubby to fat. I weigh 187lbs and i'm 5'9. I have big, almost scary big love handles, the rest of my body is, shall we say, okay. I've only been thin for like 5 or 6 months, it was like 3 years ago. This short period of my life led to where i am today, fatter than i've ever been. When i look at myself in a mirror, i wanna cry. So every shower is a pain. I don't wanna be fat one more day. I'm depressed, paranoid, and alone. Before going out wherever, i stay in front of the mirror for sometimes 30 minutes to one hour, looking at every angle, to see if i look don't that fat dressed that way, or to see if my hair don't make my fat look fat. I feel trapped, that's what is, i'm trapped in this terrible body, and i can't escape. If i sit down, i'm gonna go out of my way to find a position that doesn't make me look fat, and i don't look down so i don't have a double chin. That's my life, everyday, even at home. I can't keep going like this, i'm going insane, and that's only one of my many problems. I'll have to die if i have spend another year like this. My life is hell.",0.7629545454545479,1.4236057500000037,3.279969696969697,95.05745454545456,78.62121212121212,6.1890909090909085,18.881818181818183,6.2581,-0.3029600000000001,874,15,227,6,20,307,127,264,0.165,0.773,0.062,-0.9784,1,3,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,6,1,24,17,10,3,1,28,51,15,1,7,6,0,3,4,0,2,12,1,2,0,13,9,8,2,2,0,1,8,9,5,0,3,5,12,28,6,29,43,4,38,1,1,8,1,3,15,1,8,15,125,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210559514025596,0.0,0.10404594098156993,0.10761433959265636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895354903588747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841558066283105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308302678655969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413486499684852,0.0670101887457661,0.0,0.0894933038326216,0.0,0.10783708141528628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862833357956424,0.09398810475683593,0.17508904347793447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253753671739391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496737205639126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952582925305807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422527958307007,0.0,0.10232558592943594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847112405558529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935649584100359,0.20305111879560614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235246507110947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377840261888216,0.0,0.13871491202982444,0.10534345514697732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293605344324442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112263390905171,0.1580490098297214,0.11056234416994168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942314073991723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262949992347796,0.0,0.0,0.1655978120142064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276479323237324,0.0,0.0,0.11074900348857684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848987829397696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649500519302526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632106163766252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382294568983666
suicidewatch,worthless-unknown,2018/02/18,"I want to end my suffering. I've been dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts since I was in 5th grade. I don't know what I'm expecting out of this maybe I just need to vent , I just know I feel like this is my last cry for help. I've done everything I can to get better and none of it has worked. I was doing good for a while.. I was starting to get better and all of a sudden the suicidal thoughts came back the depression came back and I couldn't care if I died. I want to die, I want to end my suffering but the only reason I find myself not going through with it is because I don't want to put my family or friends through that.. if I could somehow kill myself without causing any pain to anybody I would do it in a heartbeat. My whole life seems to have been nothing but pain. I am not good at anything I am just worthless and that is all I will ever be. I will never be good enough for anything or anyone. I wish I was good enough... I think I need help.. but I don't even know what would help.. I don't know what to do. I wake up wanting to die. From seeing dead bodies , going to way too many funerals , losing friends to suicide, a broken home with a broken family, being bullied and being jumped, to being cheated on by every girlfriend Ive had and having my heart played with constantly , to be just being worthless. I have no worth. Everybody leaves me so why cant I leave everybody else? why do I have to go through all this pain? why can't I be happy, why can't I be good enough for anyone or anything. I don't know what I need.. I just know I need help maybe venting will help I don't know I just don't know. I just know I am tired of this pain I'm tired of feeling this way.. I just want to give up.",1.6737962556034098,3.1526423460490487,3.3028460929946384,92.4688459172014,77.85558583106267,6.370361255163928,23.010371802759966,7.1029339738359605,0.6266938384459868,1339,41,305,15,31,444,152,367,0.224,0.597,0.179,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,0,4,15,26,2,0,8,0,51,10,3,2,5,73,90,17,9,18,19,0,2,1,3,5,7,0,1,0,14,14,0,0,17,1,1,7,17,13,0,0,12,3,52,13,43,62,8,27,0,7,1,0,10,7,0,7,12,210,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491813303346887,0.0,0.050530170692472565,0.0,0.0,0.09237123306864516,0.0,0.1630673482692291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158097056441437,0.0,0.040265141517100915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683657407740995,0.0,0.07336971143725793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510934919258998,0.06734517779369231,0.06785436627824579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137955388363726,0.0,0.05273774375173974,0.0,0.07255584102709642,0.0,0.06809748183345629,0.11378226847771054,0.0,0.2056569691358449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759489324745664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551785944498445,0.0,0.11700625676961245,0.20475043411856692,0.0,0.043627216462654925,0.05974849129022381,0.0556522882141323,0.0,0.05936394993523605,0.0,0.12453730273367225,0.0,0.06679650713439278,0.047188095684451724,0.0,0.0,0.06037101414957561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206437702676807,0.0,0.06901966820523431,0.06336381375378805,0.11261789498961045,0.2770095518355075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031437747157858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782728232758232,0.22136882004902544,0.0,0.0662562908944845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307757807282596,0.0,0.3267077611092395,0.05384180478157925,0.0,0.1398806437064887,0.0,0.0,0.04665500864725443,0.032270035751378136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389612830115216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696711811154459,0.1327177249917405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19590909991998512,0.050943950541139225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337939223881364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050236090575881014,0.28113911966861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721212657376778,0.06640125466791579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791322502820621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263548751413303,0.060131940138949826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546395149230306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675247432763779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167529534064077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232393321120095,0.0,0.10487700597511022,0.0,0.15183583194530087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337577294366521,0.10485919219857287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384093214296905,0.07374553319231197,0.0759573992953236,0.06367249105028669,0.0,0.04808718653067443,0.0,0.0,0.0938439527048535,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rockitraysay,2018/02/18,"I want to but I'm scared. The feeling is devastating. Idk why I'm so depressed. Things are starting to fit into place. Others not so much but the rational side is trying to tell me the feelings will pass on those. But there's so many suicides where I live (PNW) and it makes me feel like if they can, I can. I literally hate everything about myself. I want to fix up my motorcycle and travel but my heart is so broken. I feel empty in everything I do. I just feel like a shell. I'm scared of giving up all the could be's. They're the only thing keeping me going. Counseling doesn't help. I'm unable to love myself. The second I feel happy, I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm really good at talking to people, and pretending I'm happy. Sometimes I think I might be happy but my lows are so low. I don't believe anyone could love me. Not my friends, family, not anyone. I just feel like if I start believing it, I don't deserve it and I'll lose anyone and everyone I have.  I just feel like I'm supposed to kill myself. I get scared too that something worse might come after this life. I'm not religious, but I'm scared anyway. I just want it to stop, not get worse. I just want to be nothing. I want to not exist. I've put in work to feel better, gym, medical stuff for transitioning, mental health work, art. I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't run from my fears often but I have 2 things I can't push through: my fear of loving myself, and my fear of not having the could be's. I don't know if I can kill myself but the feelings is still devastating, crippling, debilitating. Most of myself if saying I want to kill myself tonight though. Just get it over with",0.650677602896625,2.8851398876080694,2.8085302593659947,90.7741313825464,85.28242074927955,5.518628537648711,18.983891228847998,6.900799576094004,0.23965416389566266,1299,35,279,17,39,439,157,347,0.249,0.5720000000000001,0.179,-0.9912,0,0,1,0,0,4,49.0,0,0,1,4,22,29,4,7,9,0,32,7,1,1,1,66,75,24,4,14,26,0,11,5,1,3,3,1,0,0,14,9,0,2,13,4,0,7,15,15,0,1,0,12,49,14,31,64,3,27,0,4,0,3,10,14,0,8,11,184,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117235717504126,0.1505408795066325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617108885228104,0.0,0.06347098923855142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181985399738951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189737678790862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181175025982781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857526615807638,0.12899688842299886,0.0,0.06765437846859505,0.24226932102183815,0.3991562112185854,0.2563473926744195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055446053832538575,0.0,0.11248395425392288,0.06884426341045645,0.040786139428212485,0.06019372075007427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291879814718173,0.0,0.07085383754620089,0.0,0.07628365477531591,0.0,0.08504277984938577,0.04810308109778495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378871145921186,0.23819456577184306,0.0,0.03944058889903744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050690283845749265,0.17530564449333744,0.0,0.06337048738055734,0.0,0.0,0.0802875366931851,0.0,0.0,0.19431422087015335,0.0,0.04790420697696977,0.07275922401111325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229646046427159,0.07232301400097506,0.15226427621803262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275609647785644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886118930653343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458109995960817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049753346928225695,0.0,0.07497995231662223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214441802549341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597498823241517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707101866433423,0.28740021102992425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055248793864805634,0.07097817895585251,0.0,0.10159235901453548,0.0,0.0573122345099631,0.0599993949636036,0.0,0.0,0.08215463380724926,0.07850010142638676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768260535761462,0.06272644386883099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430339608505923,0.04598460594370856,0.0705095020474498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048724245202496186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963051627928964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475744258304121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449266671508048,0.0,0.14627089610297547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eggstasy,2018/02/18,"I just tried to kill myself, in other news am bad at titles So I just tried to hang myself from a hook on my door with a belt, but after a while, the hook gave in, saving my life. I had also just written a suicide note. This time the weak ass hook saved me, but I fear I might try it again.",2.6870312500000004,2.470106140624999,4.109375000000004,94.098125,73.53125,6.4,19.125,3.1291,-0.6046437500000001,219,2,55,0,4,73,46,64,0.319,0.632,0.049,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,6,0,3,3,1,0,0,10,5,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,10,2,9,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,4,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396385274687707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25020414045855977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372015614684753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315301300750783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165919141523654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317892613146588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277801332595297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473454497796878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6103497687995021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Raunaz,2018/02/18,"At work and just want to end it all slightly nsfw. So I have no motivation today. Just want to and everything.I have no friends all I would like to do is make people enjoy being with me. I had to work late because of snow and ended up masturbating at work for some strange reason. It made me feel slightly better. If I get through tonight I know that tomorrow my boss will come out and ask me what I got done and I will not have a response. 

I just wish I got paid early I keep messing up my budget I really don’t understand why I can’t keep to it. Now I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to get to work and back for a whole week. My dad gave me money to eat on for the next five days and I wasted it all on mochas and cigarettes. It’s like I get a little bit of money and just go crazy with it. It never seems to last. I just think it would be better for everyone if I wasn’t here. I really wish that somebody else who’s working today then maybe I’ll have are you good reason to get to work. I just want to go home and hide under the blankets reading. I’m sorry if this post seems a bit all over the place. But that’s just my current state of mind. I would just like someone to understand. Sorry for the NSFW content I know what I did was wrong it just helps I think I’m becoming hyper sexual to stave off the depression.

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suicidewatch,WhoDatGuyJ,2018/02/18,"Consoling suicidal people Hello. I do not struggle with these issues although I can empathize because I too bad bouts of this stuff years back. Anyway, there is someone close to me who is dealing with these things and I want to know how you all think I should go about consoling them. I am not new to listening to peoples issues or getting into these things but I really just don't know how to go about this. My problem here is we don't have much familiarity with each other. We've never really hung out or done much together which makes this particularly difficult for me. If you have anything to say be as long(or short) as you want. Ill be reading each reply no matter the length. If you think it will benefit me and this person I'd like to hear it. If you could upvote for more exposure that'd be helpful ",4.380864978902952,5.955250018987344,5.22854430379747,81.02779535864978,70.96202531645571,8.30464135021097,27.723628691983123,8.841846274778883,2.159188185654008,645,23,122,12,12,210,102,158,0.112,0.792,0.096,-0.6766,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,5,1,0,10,6,0,1,1,0,18,1,0,3,2,35,30,13,1,8,9,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,16,11,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,1,3,18,2,19,22,6,10,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,5,5,98,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811790679784375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905849491419422,0.14013927536754686,0.102313622971516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400647377067554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303552947054318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175845314197954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768940135688255,0.0,0.19077452462479907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891677244223404,0.0,0.11249952260828956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503624227090326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448079920335225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199807939931372,0.0,0.0,0.14853299760708558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203441220080088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467632231860928,0.0,0.12944844974981626,0.16210078606878126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327180567170672,0.14655129494465358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606000821246849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788528337566466,0.0,0.2150450287188196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347299607388416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221017170374298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546266729760054,0.19213648840053155,0.18358956918411365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230106948832623,0.21509001494025892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799260017585932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808336926398383
suicidewatch,lostgatherer,2018/02/18,"I just took a bunch of blood pressure mess. I'm 32 year old female. I've had depression for most of my life. I also developed a pretty bad drinking problem. I've hurt my mom repeatedly with my actions. She's kicking me out of the house. I don't know if I lost my job or not. I feel miserable and completely useless. The thought of making effort to improve my life seems exhausting and I'm simply not up for it.

I'm sorry",0.6860227272727286,2.9532628295454586,3.262454545454545,87.34618181818182,85.47727272727272,6.247272727272727,24.70909090909091,7.554174236665415,1.4522690909090912,331,14,68,6,10,115,63,88,0.258,0.632,0.111,-0.9217,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,0,2,4,0,2,5,1,1,0,16,12,5,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,1,0,2,3,10,0,0,4,1,12,0,10,8,2,7,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,4,3,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630299175814898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407615411035602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311497012201069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898831775226857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596835150711727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114719647603079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543829854972657,0.23600860864057335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187740332161293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211598816088282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114369719575239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24065978349346434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715977139063732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25820185873190266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313372715701344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428861538193112,0.0,0.2109518933203031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069988086807156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678861360133475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750218149985361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449408520274404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196998582462325
suicidewatch,lostcause2345,2018/02/18,"Anybody here with OCD? If so,please can you look at my recent post? I’m on the edge. ",-2.3980701754385976,-0.6666658947368411,-0.07789473684210435,106.90140350877192,102.68421052631581,2.533333333333333,11.596491228070176,3.1291,-2.059224561403509,64,1,17,0,3,21,19,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43065286982366346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629396528704843,0.0,0.0,0.4911548885264416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063634351088951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OutsiderSandwich,2018/02/18,"I have a plan, I think I just realized that I have 3 months of painkillers at home that I never took because of the side effects. This should be enough, I hope. Or... i'm going to ""lose"" my prescription and get another pack, so I can go through it. It shouldn't be suspicious since i use them occasionally and travel a lot, and never requested a replacement in my life. I don't have a date, because i want to say goodbye to my boyfriend first. And I'm scared to ruin his life with this, but i don't have any other choice. I'm going to write two letters, one for him and one explaining why i took this decision to avoid any kind of speculation. It won't fix things for him but he can still hope. I'm so fucked up that i worry what people are going to think of me when i'll be dead. 

He isn't aware of my ideation, only that i'm depressed.

I'm tired. I don't want to live anymore, it's just plain torture. Chronic pain is hell. I tried everything was available to me, but it didn't work.

 There is nothing for me in this life, just misery and pain and illness. I don't want to live like that, this is not life. I won't be able to get a job, i won't be able to graduate as i wanted, i won't be able to do anything, all of that because i'm sick. Wish i was normal. People like me get treated like trash by everyone. 

I swear that i tried to have a better life. I got nothing out of it, just illusions and more misery and pain. Life isn't for me and I accept that. ",2.3055894648829423,3.181776875000004,3.958768115942032,90.84130434782612,75.12179487179488,7.220958751393534,24.462653288740245,7.586124646067393,0.9078479375696764,1123,34,264,14,23,377,142,312,0.226,0.679,0.095,-0.9949,1,1,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,1,6,9,20,3,2,7,0,33,14,0,2,3,45,62,18,1,10,9,0,0,3,0,6,13,1,1,0,22,12,0,1,7,1,0,7,15,11,0,4,6,1,38,9,34,44,4,20,1,3,0,1,11,6,2,4,10,168,60,3,0.286525135105322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298979448247737,0.10014886224822712,0.0,0.0,0.09471864747465368,0.0,0.0,0.07859525755599088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746630629300497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446939926084307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226122633894017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986856858534343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126234845268236,0.08583677206176625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123937784971792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829595680011781,0.1496975572036927,0.0,0.21711844967291216,0.0,0.07638677503764929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580269078072644,0.18972273977133486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094777328346134,0.0,0.0,0.0994572788454914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047623529596444,0.13998170806885402,0.0,0.16867129578787954,0.0,0.0,0.1068494452972389,0.0,0.08119780787691692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623387641060914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732389860500525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357793245226304,0.1832857298394557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294378979174309,0.072638425521558,0.3048829452761398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242696786868138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595209590419638,0.09562054831812826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900551754272353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627311433823855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345152271871865,0.12239582479840687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977283108448883,0.0,0.0,0.21222664515264789,0.129687839155122,0.0,0.09329780775580733,0.0,0.0,0.08248857375069073,0.0,0.0,0.2253332643938523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618145609956257,0.0,0.10982992164150593,0.0,0.0,0.06953123695152118,0.096993394320163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wendellmaximov,2018/02/18,"I don't know how I feel. I've been super depressed lately,and I was feeling really shitty and down. But now, Idk, I can't tell anymore. Am I happy, not depressed, sad IDK. I mean, I can laugh, but am I happy???? I had numbness before, but this is different. It kind off feels like nothing, just nothing. Not even silence, just nothing. Can someone pls tell me what this is. I feel like I'm lying to my self and others by laughing, dancing and pretending to be happy.",1.1990322580645127,3.4623605698924784,3.2628064516129034,88.23420967741936,83.08602150537635,5.0103225806451634,24.35376344086021,6.2581,0.8304976344086024,355,14,69,3,10,120,60,93,0.15,0.536,0.314,0.9585,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,5,13,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,1,0,17,19,7,0,0,7,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,4,12,9,5,15,0,4,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575566563264733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518693119939165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273669527866662,0.0,0.0,0.1659856585818995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049323404358942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213184060254941,0.2269939603009508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073611928027635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654389787018294,0.08731096674508529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523201578723975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305634040515466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573210373425608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101776387744658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573638011319794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461029685535694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777193042775597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HoodMBA,2018/02/18,I logically don't see why I shouldn't kill myself Like a lot of failure and disappoinment has led me here but when I think about the future I see nothing of value. I just see more disappointment and pain and suffering. I've not met anyone who can tell me a logical reason not to end it. ,4.146355932203388,4.91541477966102,5.962500000000002,78.5857838983051,70.6949152542373,9.289830508474578,26.614406779661017,9.516144504307137,2.164928813559322,228,7,47,5,4,79,45,59,0.312,0.6509999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.957,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,14,9,5,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,3,8,1,4,7,2,4,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,4,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850814250003217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344418713213464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29284663278749645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931697463079006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503486361511274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539827139147664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165494366051064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721513191286941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6327847346670871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313557550844741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696063505945879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388467463175223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,posofcake,2018/02/18,feeling too hopeless in the state of the world and my life maybe im too sensitive for this world,1.939,4.171886900000004,2.4700000000000024,95.165,80.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.9305,78,3,17,1,2,24,17,20,0.14,0.7909999999999999,0.07,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953607678051042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6309757806384824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41259819613866144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5868511818445624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadpianoman,2018/02/18,I got drunk last night and now I cant stop thinking of killing myself I went to a house party and got drunk while on effexor. I really want to end my life im nothing but a waist of flesh and skin unable   to truly connect with people.,2.0585999999999984,3.3524682599999984,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,76.4,6.6000000000000005,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6699999999999995,183,5,40,2,4,62,38,50,0.123,0.706,0.17,0.3271,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,8,6,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,7,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343316784835115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396410577000117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31713693336693777,0.0,0.0,0.2968822956562462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040778642116738,0.0,0.0,0.2240372688181972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413280733108576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579256137570308,0.0,0.263723439326444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905445418827313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607424649133893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297846865070915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611108024234265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211208459233026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25478624154742746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihoke20,2018/02/18,"I've Never been close to killing myself as today. Just i can feel myself losing everything. My life has absolutely gone to shit, i feel trapped. I can't leave my house ever because i cant drive my car. I have no friends or anything and just like im honestly so tired of everything. Death is the only thing i look forward to now. i dont want to grow old or get friends or do anything. i know in this society and this world you cant be like that so like deaths the only thing i look forward to",1.2513461538461534,3.1775583653846198,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,80.73076923076924,6.083076923076924,23.861538461538462,7.1686216300943375,0.836091538461539,386,14,86,5,10,128,65,104,0.21600000000000005,0.632,0.152,-0.8583,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,6,9,2,0,2,0,11,3,1,0,2,14,19,8,3,1,5,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,6,6,3,0,0,2,4,15,6,8,16,0,14,0,1,2,0,3,5,1,3,10,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845804013789035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540433375659286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026492373268192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564069982153901,0.0,0.0,0.31080072520921365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485698712316605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671796808715841,0.0,0.09033834067345924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951492967353815,0.0,0.0,0.18677247619923426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129930106020435,0.0,0.09502681640120698,0.0,0.0,0.18308672836855533,0.0,0.0,0.1221314496258103,0.2534252823051058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904017103062445,0.1934420661968024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333588549151638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143996296749051,0.0,0.0,0.26301169985644884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748963467748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297474474274966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873461390636554,0.1638984662837309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019868005069174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloodycornflakes,2018/02/18,"Can't stop thinking about it Everyday these images of me killing myself are in my mind. I'm getting really suicidal, plz help me. I don't want help but if I try to kill myself and it doesn't succeed another time I'll be devastated..",2.723125,4.395515062500003,5.069166666666664,80.0925,75.45833333333334,8.966666666666667,28.66666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.7880666666666665,185,8,37,5,4,65,39,48,0.301,0.578,0.121,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,22,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29138145463124016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518085375961567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37251427167004464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6148661940100861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28057962944528403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801707152211552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232015918143906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30395566605630225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805431170128722,0.0,0.0,0.1620340881360578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886623091500508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390084940043545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Business_Burd,2018/02/18,"Just about to lose my only friend The chat
>Friend: I feel like you're justifying their actions

>Friend: I have depression and it is fucking insulting to see people give up like that. It makes people like me struggle more

>Me: I""M SAYING YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE IF YOU CONDEMN THEM AS BAD PEOPLE FOR HAVING A DISEASE!!!!

>Me: IF YOU DIED OF FUCKING CANCER YOU DON'T CALL THEM AN ASSHOLE FOR NOT TAKING ALL THE EXPEIRMENTAL TREATMENTS!!!

>Friend: Fuck you
Friend: I'm going to bed

>Me: fine

>Friend: I'm done
Friend: I can be mad at them for it

I've had fantasies about slowly fading for weeks now, and can;t even talk to my fucking friend because he's a close minded asshole.

I spend more time thinking about how often I'm alone for a full 12-24 hours that i could die and nobody would know. or how nobody would care enough to check.",2.9106948529411807,5.567176356250003,2.7568382352941185,92.06080882352943,79.1875,4.764705882352942,23.161764705882355,5.900188976854957,0.3702095588235297,667,22,127,4,17,199,103,160,0.228,0.6409999999999999,0.131,-0.971,0,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,4,4,1,9,19,6,1,7,0,11,5,0,3,1,21,27,9,2,5,5,0,1,3,4,2,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,2,2,2,2,10,0,0,2,3,16,9,17,21,5,11,0,2,1,4,19,4,4,4,8,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275357711475276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089955699111614,0.06636442908581372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116557396023803,0.0,0.11099735671021682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692159330600414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376715197194864,0.0,0.2259739124212047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140893414167666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248891020355016,0.0,0.07190575281891544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504652279711681,0.07777474291044949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6728841728773234,0.4025838547882716,0.0,0.10443532956872974,0.06187173341700065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721225338165104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983056097932109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956103109505734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179453943494048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266969527352968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992482823147516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279840440038294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226424407475354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657555978916316,0.0,0.0,0.08675305604092709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381162549899294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185457884540691,0.08750332420566627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975770004520017,0.0,0.0,0.06348133448324089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732669374844748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467225768394904,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelysould,2018/02/18,"My life fucking sucks Ill keep it short and simple. Dropped out of college, havent told friends or parents literally have to pretend i go to school so they dont ask, been going for about a year. Girl I was seeing ended up seeing multiple people behind my back, family sucks, friends suck, and it physically hurts to get up in the morning knowing i have to go out when i just wanna stay inside my room curl up and cry all day long.

so there, somebody please tell me why is it worth it to keep going, really why? At this point i know its a bitches way out, the cowards pussy whatever you wanna call it but you know what life fucking sucks why should i keep going when its just going to keep kicking me down. seriously why",2.712377622377624,4.782140237762242,3.8832167832167848,86.81405594405598,76.69230769230771,6.358041958041959,24.28671328671329,7.321109707123232,1.073570629370629,566,19,112,7,13,184,92,143,0.16899999999999998,0.809,0.022,-0.9485,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,0,9,11,7,0,4,0,8,5,0,0,1,21,32,9,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,9,6,0,4,3,1,1,6,2,9,0,0,3,2,14,2,21,28,1,28,0,1,2,2,11,12,7,1,7,70,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267507256631926,0.0,0.0,0.09267666975096124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307001085435455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132391602088651,0.07772897654507085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412549881383237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067498189590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362071471649525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623540433784816,0.2228477648858369,0.0629695991388591,0.0,0.4109845142848771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902504030340253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285144081371946,0.0,0.0,0.198712988027595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026144974222387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666127460655994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338293042964527,0.0,0.0,0.08355720598552031,0.0,0.0,0.13230080565190816,0.11393555459516737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721172140357924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197824034677154,0.1920864377028124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284641463586008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534459920149944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516728006556665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566753174087217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350220681083049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776144702873623
suicidewatch,Purplehairedstranger,2018/02/18,I think I’m almost ready. So I’ve had severe depression and anxiety since the age of 13. I’m now 21. I’ve been trying and trying to get help to follow therapy and practice. But I just can’t do it anymore. I’m distancing myself from everyone around me. I’m not attending my hospital appointments. I’ve skipped my last two classes that were to ‘help’ with my ‘strong emotions’. I’ve even started my letters to my family. And what I didn’t expect was it to be so okay. I’m feeling calmer than ever. It’s just meant to be. I was not built for this world. But that’s okay. I know I need a couple more weeks to set the plan in motion. I’m not going to lie but it feels exciting. Knowing that this pain will be over soon. I don’t have any friends (my life took that away from me). So I thought I’d post here. ,-0.7352192982456138,1.4341234970760226,1.6799780701754372,95.70838815789476,94.73099415204678,5.189181286549708,18.820906432748533,6.816661863887847,0.2493994152046781,622,20,142,10,24,210,103,171,0.067,0.82,0.113,0.679,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,0,0,3,2,14,2,0,0,1,25,33,10,0,2,8,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,9,2,17,5,18,20,1,19,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,85,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447023684727107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527626852681215,0.0,0.14092819101940726,0.0,0.18269725100790246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399531685458693,0.0,0.0,0.1730812395807639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383649776597398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866886106756226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722328585094624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167591383596828,0.1666380041523273,0.0,0.1760305982757207,0.0,0.0,0.17366670791107425,0.0,0.18629485687186145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423283142010829,0.0,0.09624761653904687,0.0,0.10469676498746824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469582582451656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024855563590586,0.15016430867150005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301203989724864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365971788616811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960236182498592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643233171634784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811674755264295,0.0,0.1523891150723484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039222987736296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067221579024495,0.0,0.0,0.11804106858418564,0.0,0.14625051260519126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467577237309006,0.25014727653428664,0.0,0.17995667649932395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777058646302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,K3ystr0k3,2018/02/18,"I'm done. Honestly, don't even want to talk about it. I can't even breathe. This hurts too much. 

Why am I even writing this? To hell with you all. To hell. My life makes me want to throw up.",-2.7685714285714305,-1.41698369047619,-0.8996428571428581,110.86339285714287,112.09523809523807,3.0523809523809526,12.392857142857142,5.148860815047168,-1.7243428571428572,143,3,40,1,8,45,31,42,0.302,0.636,0.062,-0.8944,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,7,7,2,2,2,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164728055091785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6127753263821653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310613310896717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843427466626186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642852851877144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22733626237782945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24856554562788005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648104212717593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790523928197511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2182018,2018/02/18,"My memory is garbage, and it hurts to live. I can’t deal with my anxiety anymore and I’ve tried everything

* Meditation
* Light therapy, melatonin
* CBT
* Desensitization
*probably something else who knows

I have no anxiety meds for attacks because the doc is afraid is abuse them, fair point. I can no longer function in an environment that requires me to work/study 8-10 hours a day. ",2.771304347826085,5.816614898550728,4.031434782608695,78.44889130434784,88.42028985507245,7.977391304347826,30.08840579710145,8.548686976883017,3.298390144927537,304,16,53,9,10,99,59,69,0.246,0.723,0.031,-0.9287,0,0,1,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,5,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,28,10,1,0.0,0.2735725779983688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532677751134446,0.0,0.2289855951319785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626761644026045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075132503454238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890804247894346,0.2380423969329379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928829749439918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751335517149602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22738486462218696,0.0,0.2471776554423812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689374189462566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038843357534482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564720677266257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827021475937655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24894364318598095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777540950673057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26404832280927537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676241068720187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680941620061378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamhappyrightnow,2018/02/18,I am going to jump my balcony in 5 hours when it’s all quiet downstairs. But I am also sad for the life that I will never have. But I know that I need to do this! It’s necessary! I have been bullied my entire life by outsiders and my family and I have been working to improve my life for the last 6.5 years but nothing has changed. Today my brother also beat me up. This is it. I am done. But I am sad that I will never have a boyfriend or even love. I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been loved by somebody I love. I am not killing myself because of that. I am killing myself because I have been tortured my entire life by my mom and my dad and my brother too and too many ex-friends/classmates/schoolmates/collegemates/ generally people in the outside world. I had some hope in the last few weeks but today my brother also beat me up and so i am done. There is no hope for me. I need to kill myself. I am going to kill myself. It’s just a few hours because I don’t want to be seen or found. I just want to get this out there that somebody will hear me for once in my life. Thank you so much if you do. ,0.21883154819863648,2.28950224472574,2.105084388185656,96.2056694255112,85.62447257383965,4.321259331385914,20.9297306069458,5.369823440869387,-0.1825110678351192,860,28,195,4,26,284,102,237,0.132,0.722,0.146,0.4143,0,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,2,0,3,13,13,5,0,7,0,33,8,0,0,5,33,50,20,4,7,11,5,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,12,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,10,3,43,6,22,36,5,24,0,2,1,3,11,8,0,6,13,155,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467183120442868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806710142852145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878887014927656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047776754193973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792346791282251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694642670385578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275645739314492,0.0,0.0,0.05372856210875708,0.0,0.11689030528736324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590579560730722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042824919322652,0.20254924722836126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550996310869669,0.0,0.056517024432237675,0.1676532401548269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36318727617391017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784456793117941,0.0,0.0,0.10426149699826362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120442514177373,0.0,0.0,0.07559769457857328,0.15250601048127546,0.31725973559605936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986757456495604,0.0,0.0,0.10951901505435978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712948564517188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946793283730854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194956623281052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131292437872282,0.0,0.08249036618381958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486722133946129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622424065582802
suicidewatch,DepressionNation223,2018/02/18,"I keep walking, looking like alive; but deep inside I'm just waiting for the right moment I am your typical average asian guy who never had a love from his parents, lonely, depressed, somehow sophisticated with philosophy. I had many chances to have a girlfriend but because I was so scared polluting their life; I'd rather push them away because if I really love them, I'd be happy a healthy man loving them rather than me (a mishap to a human life). Somehow, I've tried suicide but still I'm alive so I will wait for the right moment because if there's one thing still holds me that I just want to hear someone for the last time she loves me and there I will blaze a weed; laugh, cry, then sleep 




you know, its funny that when I learned the philosophy of ""after life"", death; it scared me the very moment I accepted it but after a few months. Now, here I'd actually rather have a forever deep-sleep",7.321584595959598,6.372655312500001,7.188939393939396,78.35202020202021,64.05681818181819,10.094949494949496,33.76010101010101,9.150863307647796,2.7167343434343443,709,25,141,10,9,226,108,176,0.196,0.591,0.212,-0.118,1,2,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,4,0,17,12,0,2,13,0,9,8,1,0,1,24,22,11,2,6,11,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,3,7,2,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,3,2,22,8,13,16,1,20,0,2,1,4,19,4,0,4,15,91,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.1343400699264784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933972887377151,0.0,0.0,0.2517558354498587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121728693280045,0.0,0.0,0.11856968161828114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630886571023407,0.0,0.14654573971032978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551571762682194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236196478446433,0.0,0.0,0.07565645769515883,0.1122144203330961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29170816834013724,0.0672556087348707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560297157396453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969880366463219,0.0,0.0,0.13956954769160956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988198033044028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617485618549838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328459487203344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528594260402001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819099433695403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351283699448884,0.0,0.0,0.27565108070553984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755265600623077,0.0,0.11664214255127744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198770741845524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505819200071845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145775211221503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027290431763623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346472501532964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358710251654375,0.0811977118694486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rex123890,2018/02/18,"27, never had a job, no prospects. None of my options will prevent me killing myself. What can I actually do? As in what are the actual steps I have to take to achieve happiness. I know what I'm told I need to do. Get any job, build a resume etc. But getting a job stacking shelves will only push me to killing myself sooner. I want to do work I want to do, something that I enjoy doing and will pay me enough to buy a house and raise a family. Paying off a student loan whilst on minimum wage is demoralizing. Not to mention outside of work I'm just going to be a loser to most people. The fact I know nobody, have missed out of my youth, travelled nowhere and did nothing with my life has made me too fragile to just wageslave alone for the next 60 years. I need someone, anyone, to give me a big break but I know it won't happen. Suicide is inevitable.",2.3437931034482773,4.0866205057471285,3.717908045977012,89.06789655172415,76.70114942528734,6.019310344827588,25.96781609195402,6.742157984588678,0.9830257471264368,664,25,139,6,15,218,112,174,0.071,0.8340000000000001,0.094,0.4174,5,1,1,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,2,0,11,0,19,1,0,1,2,23,37,6,3,4,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,1,5,4,5,4,0,0,4,1,20,2,22,28,4,15,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,2,5,92,25,10,0.0,0.0,0.2868212237694302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220501984942264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993703886496172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275702579075703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184774841286253,0.16389793411465395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853969903601046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535598387122143,0.14097629376150156,0.08352008560463328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299552015697049,0.15644039944640742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957075032012614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43750186621759735,0.0,0.3251763271006674,0.0,0.2422941769428304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380136255778212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139055991349133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179362098388536,0.11334370378597512,0.0,0.1562923751470026,0.0,0.0,0.1410109538766559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176880687727564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101882743814877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451773356957165,0.11313608146863377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607490996455792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104947454150542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042545286650246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336024239393769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213975546385328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463666358093673
suicidewatch,Manzanillon,2018/02/18,"Stuck in a rut Since being hospitalised for a month late last year (which forced me to stop university) I have lost all sense of purpose and all of my days just merge together. I have weekly appointments with a health worker, who simply asks me about my mood and encourages me to go to the gym and ""take each day at a time"". I find this really useless and just want to be left alone. I rarely leave the house at the moment, and spend a lot of time asleep. 

I'd always been focused on education, just kind of nudged towards that direction but at this point I really don't know whether to try studying again. I don't want to cost my family money and get into a lot of debt if I'm just going to fail. I also haven't had a job for 2 years but I have the chance of getting one day's work at a cafe this summer, so at least that's something I guess... but nowhere near something I could support myself with.

I spend most of my waking hours worrying, and even if I see a friend, I tend not to enjoy it due to my overall situation just causing a constant, background level of dread. I'm wondering if I should study with the OU, so I don't have to leave home or if I should take up my prestigious university place, which is still an option at the moment but feels like a complete risk/gamble. 

I've been reading posts here for a few weeks, because at the moment life doesn't seem like it will be worth the struggle, however I do love my family so want to try.",6.469494949494951,5.175026589225592,6.872067340067343,81.05921212121213,65.93602693602692,10.209562289562287,30.57441077441077,9.21078282632365,2.254112188552188,1135,32,244,17,15,371,168,297,0.107,0.774,0.119,0.3199,3,1,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,4,14,14,0,2,21,0,21,5,2,1,2,48,44,21,0,10,16,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,1,0,10,12,0,1,5,2,6,2,6,5,0,1,5,2,28,8,39,32,8,42,0,3,1,1,5,17,0,12,24,159,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071765168283775,0.0,0.09321039886309264,0.09698456148933343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896483659617456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105191905670756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973589955963555,0.0,0.0,0.12220754527731935,0.12595645001496195,0.0,0.0930610885520064,0.0,0.0,0.2255084031040588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698464070857693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975868008847044,0.0,0.058934599995979074,0.08326817263483041,0.0,0.0,0.10653076703841263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005146364628179,0.0,0.12179219279674862,0.0,0.1324837855218631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840041186791834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238943854426936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691593373968932,0.0,0.1147849300309684,0.13449085183257234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566459929923645,0.0,0.0,0.12137592930499007,0.06405654707468662,0.09500931602545278,0.1314811021377816,0.2468335587498807,0.12663926078304505,0.0,0.0823274865825776,0.11388749085559224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723547221764311,0.19818477848965604,0.10519702658187073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303449381753218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898187709025989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217770063606907,0.0,0.11018381267648734,0.0,0.1116291568179239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658830191695037,0.0,0.14933849012785605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288064706729464,0.10610889674039488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964169563382788,0.13101468177946318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946217659579375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308237910039238,0.09744667042820417,0.0,0.12185043274026093,0.0,0.0,0.1322672299905852,0.0,0.0,0.1752723557080361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359303681640255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826877810987466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062445907927433,0.0,0.1869896045570269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264008342440619,0.08485470946603244,0.11836904758217008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501174639560714
suicidewatch,maricleidemaricota,2018/02/18,"Failed attempt - I need help with finding purpose in life Hello. First of all sorry for my English, I'm from Brazil.
I've lived with depression since a teenager, I go to a psychiatrist and a therapist but I'm in a crisis for 5 months now. 

My medication was changed, I got even worse and 3 Weeks ago I attempted and failed suicide. My parents and sister were devastated. Everything changed so far. When I see motivational stuff like ""you should be proud that you didn't give up"" I feel so bad because one day I gave up. 

Now my medication is changed again and I feel more stable, and I've been going to the therapist twice a week, but it's hard confronting that. 

I just need to find some purpose in life that I can accomplish by myself. What I really want to do is to find someone special to share life, have a family, but I've been alone for 6 years now with few dating since my ex fiancee broke up with me weeks before our wedding. I still have my wedding dress, I have no strength to deal with it, like selling etc. I keep procrastinating. 

I still think about suicide and I want it to stop. The last two days I spent in bed. I just want to be the type of person that will go step by step like grooming my dogs, taking care of my succulents, having a good shower but sometimes it won't happen and I have so much to do. 

I'm in sick leave from work right now but still I have adult stuff to do like paying the bills and I'm not doing that. 

Please help. I need to find pleasure in life again. Not for a few days or hours but life needs to make sense for me.

Edited typo",1.95889237199582,3.977626169278996,3.1682852664576804,91.28668077324974,78.84326018808778,6.134211076280043,22.232079414838037,7.1686216300943375,0.5904168443051203,1224,37,266,15,30,395,167,319,0.184,0.655,0.161,-0.8915,2,1,0,0,0,2,33.0,1,2,0,10,17,17,1,0,12,0,23,8,0,2,1,46,50,20,2,8,11,3,3,4,1,3,8,0,2,2,12,14,0,2,8,0,4,5,5,6,0,4,8,4,35,11,40,37,7,40,0,4,1,0,18,11,0,2,28,168,47,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827098866848023,0.0,0.0,0.09145026143087558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372527296697794,0.0538257370179202,0.0,0.07513522823059103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002585593319815,0.0,0.28022322690082296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708350198271572,0.0910315228171617,0.07605107333079351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847578573685513,0.05832010000872383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935669010878615,0.0,0.08323964418474489,0.0,0.08929240259107184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228116637553704,0.07510636732718247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470363811127701,0.15054563254541295,0.07406030490277785,0.07062010242778417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808176871964531,0.0,0.07909780524136517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836878692568965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695589844007194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848345909101691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197478303938529,0.0,0.09349499912778347,0.0,0.0,0.31183799825332376,0.1725520777990921,0.0,0.0779688904217791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893970551464507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790220769394693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047874658840858,0.0,0.06490930518903985,0.2618878586886886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983311642925555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980446540837628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770985449662227,0.0,0.09692486106339482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056566060445600384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540614371554333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703621992124997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608229601203318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481474197751721,0.0,0.08732913515581077,0.09884255780350876,0.0,0.0,0.21154506697256145,0.07382121307032168,0.0,0.0,0.2021605294746108,0.19316770500617428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638922530243392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050419319597334,0.0,0.056577893750170666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625446926847495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624162236235567,0.0,0.2124823667029708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428210999910366,0.0,0.08998336561355975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686111820743154
suicidewatch,rigawizard,2018/02/18,"Treatment Bipolar type 2, rapid cycling...

I'm in the deepest depression pit of my life. I spent the last week manic which was comparatively awesome but now that I've crashed I'm in my own personal hell. I sleep 24hr a day, promising myself that the next time i get out of bed I'm ending it finally. Never happens. Instead my dreams are nightmares of my closest friends laughing and encouraging me not to be a pussy and just do it. The same dream on repeat every time.

I've been here before. I know it doesn't last forever. If I have the courage tomorrow I'm checking myself into the psychward despite my hatred of those places. I know I need to stick it out longer, at least until my parents pass and my sister is a bit older. I wish I could get it over with.",2.9772722672064766,4.839959875000002,4.34105263157895,84.76467611336035,75.25,6.7821862348178135,28.139676113360323,7.61054688173877,1.7145591093117405,599,25,117,8,13,198,103,152,0.052000000000000005,0.723,0.225,0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,9,0,9,3,1,0,1,18,21,6,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,9,7,0,0,2,2,2,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,19,5,16,16,4,26,1,1,0,0,5,10,1,1,15,76,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769691502592833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279856639816873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673185393647022,0.0,0.0,0.13467653241838182,0.0,0.17986291428859286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495927892933975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594626788414605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287604390796635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133969328165032,0.0,0.21820761411620196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466556564740544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295323860210963,0.34044474760913795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750111653993858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548430265923481,0.16106072646105166,0.0,0.22209053207783247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318783475575513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823402139864348,0.21818040550863005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089784225627748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435381171969569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750891226260192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014144526773115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuck--------buttons,2018/02/18,"I know I just met you, but I don't know if we can be friends anymore. I can't be sure I'll keep my promise to myself - to stay alive, for everyone else.",-0.1209523809523816,0.9826538571428572,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,81.85714285714286,5.80952380952381,23.095238095238088,6.42735559955562,0.21452380952380912,115,4,31,1,3,40,27,35,0.066,0.65,0.284,0.8425,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692408245873724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110251047719242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557671661798796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876530643335477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33093461216463776,0.0,0.0,0.4092340381947932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39684296859053225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509066520343917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ILoveBLGames,2018/02/18,"I'm googling about over-the-counter drugs that are harmless when overdosed. I think I need help. If I don't reply within the next day, that means I have attempted to, but failed, or successfully did it. I don't know. Life to me is meaningless anyway, especially with my fucking bad circumstances. I hate this shitty life.",3.5874999999999986,6.229834750000002,3.846666666666668,85.295,76.5,7.333333333333335,26.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,1.955166666666668,255,10,48,5,6,79,48,60,0.338,0.5579999999999999,0.104,-0.9689,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,2,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,8,13,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,5,12,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,3,29,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26000868619023865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200829318870694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361128877903506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28788726433268125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30744621543148715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872701813030964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113906898114598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399066152870385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392094038391753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309015461269305,0.0,0.0,0.3311808633909661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995346131574424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Librase,2018/02/18,"Confused drivel Hello,

I would quite like to take the sharpest knife I have and stab myself to death.

But that wouldn't work, and doesn't seem like it would be a very good idea in general. I know it's just an idea, and actually doing it is not something I should do. But how do I stop having these disruptive thoughts?

I don't think I actually want to die. I think I just want to be invisible and opt-out of life. I thought I'd got over all this suicidal feeling stuff and was on the way back to something resembling normality.

Welp, thanks for reading my confused drivel. That's three minutes you'll never get back.",3.4068292682926824,5.121915414634152,4.26878861788618,86.36513414634148,73.71544715447155,7.521626016260162,26.934146341463407,8.238735603445708,1.6530234146341471,488,18,101,8,10,157,82,123,0.218,0.6809999999999999,0.101,-0.9365,0,0,2,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,2,5,6,0,2,4,0,16,1,0,1,2,33,29,8,3,7,5,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,9,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,1,13,4,10,18,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,6,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.32131347571760777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531831469648151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086165631137648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324270672241328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601323998763939,0.0,0.0,0.13808521356577014,0.13167096649923973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371698178054596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047724701876997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628420013463213,0.1608614125028489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269740744271248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613040582341258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510602017281818,0.1646761974188172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987446716533512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348296815705607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763942757029146,0.0,0.0,0.1884638466160552,0.18008029966122105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378250894844442,0.0,0.0,0.1515707004542262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097862213366975,0.0,0.26139827439617064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583834937058248,0.1942080202531372,0.1306769374298709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985379886481705,0.0,0.0,0.2338991952667513,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xistnc,2018/02/18,"drug addict, helpless, alone, worthless i just want to die. i have no method. i just woke up from a 20+ xanax binge. i'm going to violate probation. i just want to be happy and i never have been. i have no money for drugs, i have no motivation to get money, i'm too fat to prostitute anymore. i can't use a knife, i need a gun. i just don't want to wake up.",-2.0408649789029525,-0.19938108860759485,1.4661075949367124,96.27696729957808,100.39240506329115,4.658649789029536,15.444092827004221,6.42735559955562,-0.37717805907173,270,7,66,4,12,97,47,79,0.29600000000000004,0.58,0.123,-0.9325,0,1,3,1,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,3,0,8,6,2,2,1,12,18,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,10,15,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687670952503618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553430868892197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24450334730820644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558715999552752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5718207351004191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880798306711114,0.0,0.14011546069004266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26244846949428496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828077175780504,0.1901483356646204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293307003904174,0.0,0.0,0.4362504549507406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myles_fargo3,2018/02/18,3 days till i plan to take my life.. and im not really afraid anymore. Ready to leave this dreadful place. ,-0.2078787878787871,2.08037518181818,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,92.63636363636364,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.4143212121212114,82,2,19,1,3,26,20,22,0.196,0.6859999999999999,0.118,-0.205,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965784828535435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578927531967856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319444371207402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423420492348528,0.0,0.0,0.2824506123005342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177947297856913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25617658043247393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006637651899869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MajorDickhole,2018/02/18,"I don't know what to do. I've tried everything guys. I've gone through 8 different psychologists, 4 types of anti depressants. I've made an effort to get out of bed every day, walk my dog, go to the gym, read. This distant feeling just increases exponentially each day. I've never really loved life, but I've loved the people in it. 
Lately that spark has disappeared, I don't connect with anyone, and that's fine. But I don't even connect with my parents and that kills me inside. I want to stop this mundane cycle that my life has become, but initially I told myself I had to stick it out for them. I no longer hold any restrictions, I always tried my best to persevere and keep looking forward. I cried all day today because I realized that threshold that kept me from taking action has disappeared. I don't want to, it feel so selfish for even having these thoughts, because once somewhere I smiled and loved. But I feel the outcome is inevitable. Please help.",4.6281698841698855,6.242354075675678,5.190598455598458,81.38466216216217,70.4054054054054,8.096525096525099,28.88996138996139,8.634040054169528,2.2350231660231663,764,29,141,13,14,245,113,185,0.19,0.6829999999999999,0.127,-0.9314,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,4,8,1,0,4,0,11,5,0,1,2,30,30,9,1,2,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,13,9,0,5,6,2,0,8,6,3,0,0,6,4,21,5,18,24,4,18,0,1,1,3,8,4,0,0,8,84,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093537851972018,0.0,0.0,0.0988368831569902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016258262901331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771970836125395,0.16051774682246944,0.0,0.0,0.1525264423052588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965029482879375,0.28119881834766464,0.0,0.1251820146497336,0.0,0.0,0.1518504402460821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191992756812544,0.0,0.12245608479633095,0.0,0.13062314453529342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204663726568244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759346885238093,0.0,0.08260065573206755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391046843796398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741902756948424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918578391339236,0.16079831367875402,0.0,0.07987562812247698,0.0,0.16395101046027208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053173329764701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204985864526055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39352785742791024,0.13752519511634584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209596096610562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547834516537665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138401190548454,0.0,0.0,0.10076116883702327,0.0,0.0,0.15954080391194775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538035958278284,0.0,0.09310918435797677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151160754608767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927836531964744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538454166932265,0.0,0.0,0.13776630048775726,0.1388795809328311,0.0,0.19735403547374272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714518082200702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuiciBy25,2018/02/18,REM Rem- Everybody hurts. Good song heads up lads ,1.003333333333334,0.469440444444448,0.002222222222224346,100.39000000000004,144.55555555555554,5.644444444444447,14.111111111111107,6.42735559955562,0.31104444444444423,40,1,8,1,3,11,9,9,0.238,0.5379999999999999,0.223,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922958354571901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023678274666737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6283293808382564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Digman14,2018/02/18,"Depressed because I have no purpose in life. Can't find a purpose in life because I'm depressed. I can't keep a job. I will just give up because I'm so miserable doing unskilled labor when I know I could do so much more if given the opportunity, but those opportunities are gated beyond a college degree.

I can't go back to college. I will just fail again and waste more money. So I'm stuck with a high school diploma doing the kind of jobs that HS graduates are stuck doing. Jobs that make me miserable.

I can't enjoy friendship. I'm so miserable I bring down everyone around me despite the facade of happiness. Everyone i know succeeding at even the smallest things when I'm nearly failing simply keeping myself alive. Their actions invoke a sort of jealous rage of self-hatred and self-doubt. I'm so full of anger that when my friends finally do hangout with me, I'm so negative that it drives them away.

I can't find romance. I have zero spending cash so finding someone in a public place is nigh impossible. I don't even have something like tinder because I don't have a smartphone. Even if I somehow did find someone, I can't really comprehend romance because my Asperger's makes me so rigid and socially awkward that I can't conform to dating standards.

I can't feel love. Despite all the bullshit, knowing that people care about me just makes it all the worse. When my friends try to console me, I wonder why they waste time on someone like me. I cannot comprehend why they like me at all. It would be so much easier if no one cared about me so I could finally just end it without regret.

I can't turn to anyone. My parents are concerned but fail to realize the severity of the situation. They think things would just be better if I got a job at a factory, a job that would put me in even more misery than I'm in right now. My friends care, but they're busy dealing with their own blossoming lives, they can't take care of me while they're working 9-5 jobs and having romantic dinners with their significant others. I can't afford therapy -- my health insurance won't cover it anymore.

It's not as simple as having a positive outlook or looking forward to something.  The cycle is simply unending. The depression gnaws at my psyche -- constantly telling myself that I'm not good enough, and that I don't deserve happiness because I'm not good enough, and that lack of happiness continues to eat away at everything.",5.314941489361701,6.404724885106383,6.155997340425532,77.08718750000001,68.2340425531915,9.023936170212767,33.836436170212764,9.271962702966755,3.180388297872341,1936,90,346,37,32,638,217,470,0.212,0.623,0.165,-0.9809,9,0,2,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,8,8,31,39,3,5,21,0,42,6,0,3,3,58,78,31,0,11,17,1,1,3,3,6,3,0,1,0,20,11,2,3,11,1,3,6,23,15,0,2,5,2,53,24,43,63,13,43,0,10,1,1,18,23,0,8,19,242,73,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950070149580304,0.04900168710057925,0.0,0.0,0.062386212712786125,0.0,0.0,0.13168526072793424,0.053887328009051036,0.0,0.25632134163006176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198021889120229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858056319353877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573177164768645,0.0,0.1119066329142891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224958217588398,0.1810798535100897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717095135286767,0.0,0.0,0.06207023325945817,0.14482310669065449,0.0,0.18514917592004487,0.0,0.0,0.13392921893892426,0.06298354158851881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543464164410046,0.0,0.0,0.15353881023330898,0.2562080376780261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243130575504594,0.0,0.0,0.06722728866800096,0.0398281778780324,0.11755985002670978,0.05604951708732297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238049450508336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744919478570726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404355149134544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172625548343297,0.12458095726758606,0.0,0.07297771698519091,0.11554269261375327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899939881537027,0.10271289937886266,0.0,0.061882077563452764,0.0,0.05884969601064536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325009314066479,0.0,0.14033718096386527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030339828249242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748813958629894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781573978893701,0.0,0.0,0.04858476872940154,0.0,0.07321886601719238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044993113613765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044895153964841145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598480856778062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092487748207166,0.0,0.0,0.1462178107838771,0.07917064908277133,0.0,0.0,0.07877305181146349,0.0,0.07143791198067302,0.17813611201458926,0.10790228349350113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269156925689919,0.0,0.06125316097792063,0.0,0.08014278650784895,0.0,0.09311630724262417,0.044904545780824284,0.0,0.0,0.040864313024704585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047579837957292405,0.07622710527500264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647291350844433,0.0,0.0,0.06755478691167684,0.07599895927450533,0.05101920131719335,0.0,0.07141768441485248,0.14934883471699775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bearus_,2018/02/18,"i could kill myself right now, and no one would notice I'm literally home alone by myself almost all the time, sometimes for days at a time. I dont have friends. I don't have a family anymore. I don't matter to anyone. I don't care about graduating HS anymore or moving on with my life. I have no hobbies, I don't believe in god, and I could get away with it no problem.
 Seems people only start to notice after you're already gone. I should try and test my theory.",2.2585824742268064,3.7629864432989706,4.344935567010307,85.507506443299,76.31958762886596,6.499484536082474,22.434278350515466,7.1686216300943375,0.759001030927835,363,10,75,4,8,125,66,97,0.259,0.741,0.0,-0.9641,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,0,1,15,18,4,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,1,0,13,2,12,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,6,51,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212147766938102,0.17802462041631778,0.18968320555378315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34093435718466875,0.1201884177644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614948797304043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936594487544244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525175520986222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744779199073106,0.0,0.0,0.1108538458782206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145201160002407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204115579023867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328006087766062,0.0,0.0898046333326523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241815454886486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901691293024995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140991267125965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826902454491452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913923342842516,0.0,0.0,0.11647607862438872,0.13072893021791626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916582523073226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644740557607784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679181778135006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648081122910562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000209615748146,0.0,0.12166354674157473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045910318922566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670099092380935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210464034811165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mythrowawayacc57,2018/02/18,"If I still feel suicidal a week from now, I am going to go through with it. I’m so sick of feeling like this every night. 

Nobody makes me feel better. I hate my girlfriend, she doesn’t understand me and she doesn’t even try to understand my thoughts, emotions, dreams and aspirations. 

I feel like a fucking failure constantly. Every night I think about what a failure I am and how I am going absolutely nowhere in life. 

I know I’ve disappointed my parents already and although I know my suicide will hurt them I think it will be better this way because I won’t have to suffer. I know it’s selfish but the pain is getting to me

I cry every single night. My days are fairly normal, filled with distractions. But when I am alone with my thoughts at night it gets very bad. Nobody understands me, nobody cares to understand me. The world is shitty as fuck, everyone seems to be ignorant and idiotic. 

I know I sound like a complete narcissist. Maybe I am one I don’t know. I’m sick of this pain, I feel so alone every night I have nobody to vent to. I know I have people in my life that “care” but they don’t make me feel better. They make me feel worse because after I open up I realize they don’t truly understand and never will. 

I’ve called hotlines, I’ve tried getting therapy but the wait times for mental health services are so long in my country. All that fucking bullshit about “getting help” from people who have never experienced this is absurd. It is almost impossible to get proper help here. It’s just referral after referral after referral. I’m still in my late teens,I don’t have money for an actual private therapist. 

Please help me. Please. I hate suffering I hate it so much. I hate that I even have to type this . I’m ashamed which is why I made a throwaway. I’m thinking of seriously going through with it. The crazy thing is I know I have so much to live for. I just don’t want to if it means feeling like this. ",1.9208622556199444,4.35171607571802,3.4578704706107115,86.90955040438135,81.45430809399477,6.451990065592562,24.22396994204929,7.678348718463194,1.3779109596892312,1519,57,299,26,41,500,168,383,0.251,0.628,0.121,-0.9964,1,2,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,4,3,17,29,8,2,10,0,33,10,0,5,3,60,89,21,2,4,8,1,8,4,1,4,7,1,0,0,22,11,0,2,28,1,1,5,10,20,0,1,3,10,55,9,38,80,4,34,0,4,0,3,13,8,3,4,24,193,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.06483092163195292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652499954275275,0.13761313175039114,0.07331261231077646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055470402945796984,0.08099625002611698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626892660025215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783750532335223,0.0,0.1354697053856013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965577442362783,0.07179257262334887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297566603845161,0.04284504261883222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473036969045263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775930741611726,0.0,0.2238972213125321,0.06348143565023047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26873202918861233,0.1423834110215753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842541046164848,0.17354758024060768,0.0,0.1510260378466479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262363011082899,0.0,0.07061723844601195,0.0,0.0,0.13358982699014485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111998120148137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555763531855566,0.0,0.0749415101227715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384993080823398,0.1298270308058039,0.0,0.058663272374318086,0.058792834531240526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286234999719717,0.13303752225651436,0.0,0.06674283034472259,0.07236712968964276,0.0,0.0,0.06695079751860206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767465534866072,0.0,0.10247744823138874,0.0,0.0,0.3117234708748344,0.06509213928819678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450180371569486,0.0,0.1413829280789318,0.0,0.0737681428611811,0.0,0.0,0.09211524995403236,0.0,0.0,0.14585123614422027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060479877563342936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611006360889344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533809101807862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597414790940071,0.07713609003309818,0.04413642454605368,0.12770648806761958,0.0,0.10548384878198992,0.03873874988924796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020993164790007,0.0,0.0,0.34580559639093583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481578612904395,0.03918505102597508,0.05273296596539427,0.05329010448999233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994720333615021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770288326011109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MitchCSG0,2018/02/18,"Help Im 20 years old and im a uni drop out and I feel like im worthless. Ive been suicidal for the past couple weeks and just feel like im nothing
",-2.784166666666668,-1.127291083333331,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,98.72222222222223,3.9911111111111115,15.533333333333335,5.6839178017228535,-0.9594933333333332,115,3,32,1,5,41,24,36,0.236,0.5720000000000001,0.192,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,3,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,2,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355266742929007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603545223859927,0.2628478373359508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330719169637892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7948507553998495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975103646317253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765184199531941,0.0,0.19303927237998175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561445437503154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122675790957573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756482461091086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846678478298298
suicidewatch,chief_keish,2018/02/18,"i have nothing left to live for i feel so empty. i have no emotional attachment to anything but at the same time i have way to many emotions about everything. i have friends, a lot of really good friends but i feel so fucking alone all the time. my two best friends are moving 700 miles away from me before the end of the year. i have nothing to live for. i’m so sad all of the time. i’m literally in bed crying and typing this out. 

my life is never going to amount to anything so i don’t even understand why 19 years of life on this earth was wasted on me. it’s 1:15AM, i’m frying my heart out in bed and i just want my mom. ",0.11920398009949905,2.212616791044777,2.1596716417910464,95.4900547263682,86.31343283582089,5.364378109452738,19.381094527363185,6.742157984588678,0.08260855721393058,486,14,113,6,15,162,80,134,0.136,0.688,0.17600000000000002,0.7336,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,6,0,9,4,1,0,3,16,18,8,0,1,3,1,2,0,3,0,2,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,2,15,5,22,17,6,20,0,1,0,1,4,10,1,1,7,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910220943601638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369384990164489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525793973944014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250187544984055,0.0,0.15108024454206634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813655140316316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238779058680967,0.12750845194689067,0.0,0.0,0.09508617722654557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293846255179152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558399619494247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33367627696778496,0.13309143658278186,0.0,0.0,0.08181746770412635,0.12074930043645572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705968005636563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641617709483932,0.0,0.2033705920494055,0.0,0.0,0.2542438621227813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239216029082288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595584539655584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686076786211683,0.0,0.15300984310582974,0.0,0.0,0.111033109662673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762726853357373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222635845503148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518378788044559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063089312633206,0.1498705183187034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491308366462368,0.1142710965958696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990417924857262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854148522503435
suicidewatch,garbagecanmango,2018/02/18,"i can’t do this everyone hates me my boyfriend hates me my parents think i’m a disappointment everyone likes my boyfriend more than they like me they hate me they want me to die.
i want to die
i can’t breathe, i don’t want to do this anymore",-0.7892307692307696,1.3575258461538446,0.7873076923076958,100.99519230769234,98.23076923076924,4.907692307692308,21.884615384615387,6.6274283507984215,0.3679538461538465,192,8,47,3,8,61,26,52,0.332,0.516,0.152,-0.9341,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,3,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,13,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,15,2,4,13,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,28,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481283925244395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286713408863544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39467837013702256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6116887039758384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179096610418928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22931657179984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232999550756128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654334195719727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZombieMonkeyNZ,2018/02/18,"Maybe this is the night Two shots down, a bleeding wrist and letter half written. A wasted life, and a fucked up kid. Maybe this is the night that I finally say fuck it, and the night that I finally go through with one of the many plans that I have.",2.7691176470588243,4.1298258627451006,3.0334803921568643,96.0231617647059,74.68627450980392,6.6686274509803924,22.553921568627448,7.1686216300943375,0.4018980392156864,193,5,45,2,4,59,34,51,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,7,0,3,5,1,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,3,0,5,6,0,8,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,0,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464967377186722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768119193878986,0.0,0.0,0.1158218659164948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394702075652516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661698326304911,0.4094806038637209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737457391290353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809732779218534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206662273326086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907891192987232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressedflex666,2018/02/18,"Life is boring Life as I live slowly gets more and more sad and depressing im 14 and I stopped going to school because I've been so depressed, I know, ""you're just a stupid teen, grow up"", ""you'll overcome this eventually you're going through puberty"". I've been depressed for a while, I have no diagnosis but i can feel it. Nothing amuses me now. To be honest, I go here to give myself a motive to live from the depressing and miserable people that post here, I'm sorry but I am now one of them. I want to die. I stopped going to school about a week ago, I don't care what happens to my grades or the consequences, I've grown to realise that my life is miserable. I live with a drunk mother and a stupid step father who I don't even consider family because of how ignorant this disgusting human is. Then I have a father that has overcome a heroin addiction who has no job and a kid, he's in love with a junkie and he's stupid for that, I know my family loves me a lot but I don't love me, I don't accept myself to be loved. I hate my Life. Some may call me ungrateful, I say I don't care what you say. I don't even know what I'm doing here...im just bored and I need something to do. I'm considering commiting suicide in the future, but if only if there were a method that has no pain. Who ever reads this I'm wasting your time. This is just what's on my mind there is no goal of writing this, I just want to put my mind on the web. I'm a mess really, I have social issues I can't socialize correctly, and everything is boring. I need help but don't know how to confront my parents about my problems.",1.9021932773109207,3.310521017647062,3.9304201680672257,88.51117647058823,77.05882352941177,7.3277310924369745,23.02521008403361,8.07648339933343,1.0881680672268907,1246,37,278,21,28,426,158,340,0.313,0.602,0.085,-0.9979,2,0,2,0,0,3,40.0,0,3,1,2,18,29,6,2,17,0,31,11,0,3,3,49,59,23,2,7,12,4,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,18,11,1,3,7,3,0,8,12,20,0,1,3,3,43,9,29,52,4,25,0,7,0,4,27,5,0,6,11,181,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300098830601853,0.0,0.0,0.08375394391085751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519255948723887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964782426952657,0.0,0.19266450102711905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255140857916784,0.0,0.09805898170043964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481095404824652,0.08546575745050834,0.0,0.0,0.08491569974251646,0.0,0.17814131669493902,0.0,0.04777370904278593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936374203567796,0.09063720640434852,0.2147886580324688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355146892937157,0.0,0.0,0.09328291973910176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333031503512085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411684044076114,0.09861625228352856,0.09376031930053223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077026970533702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26694603105735965,0.0,0.0,0.2502920502066124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803265140080681,0.3411002800006376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908028516120468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401166728610641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906594902644744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402448164610591,0.07185897818850066,0.10053713195339856,0.0,0.10491277290071743,0.0,0.0,0.06550297949960814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904890990839824,0.0,0.0,0.09040797293901702,0.0,0.09498203893202052,0.0,0.0,0.09450909336710324,0.0,0.06052856536520071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027418239760032,0.0,0.19124474263099306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262810985176326,0.0,0.07273803342567409,0.0,0.10576657051496399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798491482229116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334964081647854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550941031176082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114576618019885,0.0,0.07578898442292377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XNicole23,2018/02/18,"Help Me PLEASE hello i'm a 13 year old girl from New Zealand. I have been suffering from clinical depression for about a year now and I've recently been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. 

2 weeks ago, I had been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder after multiple days of suffering from worrying about everything from my body to death. I was told everything was going to be okay and got given a phone number. The said number was the crisis team. All was good until the next day, I got a phone call from my dad telling me that my mother said that I agreed to go live with her even though I said no when she asked. I felt empty and betrayed because of this. My parents divorced when I was about 6 so it didn't affect me that much except for my living situation. During the weekdays I live with my paternal grandparents and during the weekends I live with my mother. My dad lives in China so I go see him in the holidays. I love my grandma a lot more than anyone else I know and I already had a rocky relationship with my mother because of her absence from majority of my life and the fact that her ex husband beat me up with a stick. I felt utterly done with her, so i hung up on my dad and called the crisis team. By then I was already sobbing, a lady picked up and said ""Please hang up, we have marked you as an emergency and we will call you back in a second"". So i did hang up and they didn't call. After 5 hours of waiting I was over it but I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about things I didn't want to think about as soon as I closed my eyes. So I decided to try and call again, they picked up and said the same thing. I still haven't gotten a call from them. I didn't sleep that night but I managed to stay awake for the whole day. The next day I got a call from a mental centre saying they wanted to help me. I got mad because of this, like you promised me help and I didn't get it when I needed it and now you give me the help. I felt so angry and empty that I tried to take my own life but I was stopped by my grandmother, the person I value the most in this world. She said ""if you die I die"", I hesitated but in the end, I stepped down. A few minutes later the police arrived and I was taken to the emergency section of Auckland Hospital and got spoken to. They managed to completely calm me down and convince me that everything was okay. 

Since then I have seen the mental centre once and started school at a new place. People are already abusing me for having a weird laugh and walking incorrectly. Whenever I try to answer a math or science question, the only things that i'm good at i get called a ""show off"" and a ""tryhard"". On valentines day I brought chocolate for my teachers since I felt nice and I got called a ""suck up"". 

Today I tried to run away from home after my grandparents tried to kill each other and my grandmother was so angry that she yelled at me when I tried to talk to her. I ended up going for a long walk. I gathered my thoughts during that walk and i was ready to go home, but then I bump into a boy that has been harrassing me for at least 4 years now. I instantly turned the other way and ran. I just came home 16 minutes ago sobbing.

I feel like i'm slowly going insane from everything that has been happening and I have nobody that I can talk to at any time. I really just need some support. I've also been thinking about how life is pointless because everyone is going to die anyways. i really just want it to just all stop but I don't know how.",3.3123423983423983,4.587667302097902,4.575567210567211,85.84124255374256,73.18181818181819,7.701890701890703,25.82815332815333,8.226894021818545,1.5237189847189845,2751,90,571,43,54,909,293,715,0.132,0.772,0.096,-0.9763,3,0,0,0,1,0,59.0,2,5,5,3,34,22,3,0,42,2,44,11,4,5,3,90,103,56,5,7,13,9,5,2,0,1,6,8,3,3,26,40,0,3,14,5,0,17,9,9,0,1,53,16,111,13,95,47,15,96,0,5,3,1,69,30,3,6,49,399,137,6,0.0,0.059139492084480924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849084645615803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524280256422086,0.039915913545936495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03394298142990776,0.0,0.07636758385245875,0.0,0.0,0.0349007721043362,0.05114241459233024,0.0,0.0,0.04666250815543061,0.0,0.046895500401162686,0.03838050208955502,0.0,0.1521344341904427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055442793024744134,0.0,0.0,0.4587065913465571,0.057087897963161126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233349359566028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609508172188137,0.0,0.0429905381765758,0.1013225717873319,0.15540740927740224,0.0,0.11441069336985928,0.0,0.0,0.05107897526696987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169643483053828,0.0,0.08841732575471796,0.0,0.0,0.03296748324617761,0.0,0.0,0.04769461445995691,0.17943661627755594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02523783211955884,0.035658308735508036,0.1916996572216044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052155625311565666,0.04788170407640085,0.1985694716223391,0.08373037291513252,0.23952294765781226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413846001141572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382422181235326,0.0,0.1502023280734099,0.0,0.04915487326926009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522203858340121,0.0,0.054862453680515615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576642339159437,0.048770558804629736,0.0,0.2203732579606826,0.04417199370577528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042434785071207314,0.045049001715989585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060240266241592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036692262719381565,0.0740206514769795,0.0,0.09641379380052124,0.10616742796270398,0.04684056247061532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237596049767264,0.05315638916694478,0.0,0.03796156639586428,0.0,0.0,0.05542318155147587,0.0,0.0,0.034603827776098724,0.043582658279022336,0.05214912195489998,0.10958035849621596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055914691207742416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395190165187126,0.0,0.049283690059557884,0.05358856120509696,0.0,0.0,0.2848757653235716,0.03969332362134547,0.0,0.050515260432747185,0.03977470243287149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257814450968819,0.05610501376395377,0.09989935822846104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03532912569457913,0.053201290583685855,0.039861091060007424,0.08346006281691193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664139818797818,0.0,0.0,0.03752883950057195,0.08023737355201678,0.04362671447561967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948119780860848,0.09594792004988456,0.04903989009921759,0.03962584846953709,0.029105040264187417,0.0,0.04731228696978911,0.04769461445995691,0.0,0.20332847861751407,0.054291698649385114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883210602659473,0.039619117861591384,0.0400377049155752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557267877055393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050689716248768966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642822774216864
suicidewatch,Noemida,2018/02/18,"I cant live anymore Ever since I moved to the US, my life has been crazy having no friends falling secretly inlove with someone, change of schools losing my mind antisocial life. Having a boyfriend online for 2years then he blackmails me not having a heart even qhen my brother had passes away at that moment of time. Someone helps me then the person who helped me is blackmailing me. Right now he want to make me sleep at 12 and wake up at 8am i cant take this anymore im so confused about life i never had a job i have noone everyone treats me like shit life is not worth living anymore ",2.246836158192089,4.610065576271187,2.9450000000000003,91.46264124293785,79.67796610169492,5.289265536723164,23.39265536723164,6.42735559955562,0.5787943502824859,470,16,94,4,12,147,84,118,0.14,0.782,0.078,-0.762,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,5,0,12,8,4,1,2,11,15,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,6,3,0,0,3,0,15,3,12,12,0,17,0,1,0,0,10,6,1,1,9,58,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406888342128616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916460022281088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669242838629913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783255508651686,0.133983967794295,0.0,0.14153600872838615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144379540738028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552415477765207,0.19856483211962028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999614928660255,0.0,0.14698728445506345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184891059874578,0.0723644620553096,0.0,0.2615871977613989,0.0,0.0,0.16570956455338434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098871949562536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956003367929005,0.0,0.0,0.15742923252415014,0.0,0.0,0.11424008341002224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933358561405067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649456547243892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990640814443984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204412697506342,0.12252726135264075,0.0,0.14822801901517255,0.0,0.2510049662021888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136859402813074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863705741102196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817138279881653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736563165635541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,man_fuckthis,2018/02/18,"i’m just so tired i’ve tried to kill my self 3 times before. the first i tried to just take all the pills in the cabinet but i threw everything up. the second i tried to stab myself to let myself bleed to death but i was too scared. the third i was trying to hang myself but the rope snapped. 

i’ve lived with deep depression for as long as i can remember. i’m 20 now. i’ve let it get in the way of everything. i graduated high school with a 2.9 GPA. i failed 3 semesters of college at two different schools. i’ve never had a job. i’m just a waste of resources. i don’t have any marketable skills, no certifications. i’m worthless. my girlfriend and friends remind me that i’m “good at music” but how the fuck is my shitty guitar playing and even fucking shittier singing going to help me pay for anything? music isn’t even about talent it’s about who you know. i’d go nowhere with it. i hate myself more after i play guitar. i never make progress. im perpetually shitty. im just a despicable, talentless, unproductive piece of shit. my girlfriend tells me i’m the kindest and most selfless person she knows but i can’t see a single fucking example of that. i can’t hold a conversation unless i’m talking about myself. i can’t help anyone else when they’re having a rough time. i just want my life to stop so i can stop wasting everyone’s time and money. oh god the money my parents waste keeping me alive. i wish i had the guts to actually work on killing my self sooner. so they wouldn’t have had to waste so much raising a deadbeat literally good for nothing piece of shit son. i’m so tired of going through the days. i’m so tired of resisting the urge to throw my head at a fucking blade or to overdose again or to jump off a bridge or to crash into a tree. it’s so exhausting. i just want it to be over with. i just want everything to end. ",1.404536644457906,3.5788278425196864,3.210026246719164,89.44836462749849,81.5984251968504,6.112416717141127,23.155057540884318,7.321109707123232,0.9090453058752272,1452,51,309,21,39,484,193,381,0.267,0.628,0.105,-0.9977,3,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,1,5,24,20,9,1,24,0,20,15,4,2,3,43,49,24,3,5,16,2,1,0,3,1,7,0,0,3,8,9,0,4,3,5,3,7,9,14,0,4,6,2,41,6,49,39,7,35,0,3,1,4,17,12,6,4,15,189,49,11,0.0,0.0,0.08973402273122344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253200094013009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429650614358386,0.09421793203322648,0.07567046154595773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824624106267616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059302843943894026,0.0,0.07920000720106578,0.0,0.0,0.0960725547885269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681592459423439,0.0,0.081444116932318,0.0,0.0,0.12146974758836344,0.0,0.0,0.08786616704274798,0.2479274842340886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821618515869379,0.0,0.0,0.07104357738372782,0.3400406595243773,0.048042267850728994,0.0,0.15677905201711245,0.15425361996141948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078572310755803,0.09437152545556142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326990752805232,0.09715464803455273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865260446041635,0.0,0.09125034261686278,0.08173310714677634,0.20346736928480408,0.0,0.10107123359838482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805877420262254,0.06494996224393587,0.0,0.0,0.0811972324966999,0.08137656256392285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061380134385276015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759690840953046,0.0,0.14184147683782058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823252320191773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210424349548093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029084993918284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416616936757704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920621835147709,0.18612509448496295,0.07327558231918327,0.0,0.19185654465467994,0.0,0.18877930469690216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375563685551694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913810537762577,0.07390929298225052,0.0803720131726699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608576791276556,0.3170634355686985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24972342990987445,0.0,0.0898258800040008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271088722681226,0.0729889541519538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057427778800584,0.0,0.0,0.06694374387964462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hamiifan,2018/02/18,"Being alive has never really been enjoyable I mean, there's times when I feel good for a few hours or maybe even a day, but then it goes away. I hate when people say things like ""there's always something to live for"" cause I've never felt that way. There's never ever ever been anything that made me feel like I wouldn't be so much better off if I were dead. I wish I had the guts to go through with it. I'm afraid of failing. I don't have health insurance and can't afford to get it wrong. ",1.6284761904761886,3.1665985142857167,2.895238095238096,95.08476190476192,78.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,17.38095238095238,6.42735559955562,-0.4020476190476194,384,6,89,3,9,124,76,105,0.185,0.6579999999999999,0.156,-0.746,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,1,3,0,11,2,1,2,5,18,21,8,1,3,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,4,9,5,10,12,2,15,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,13,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753428040862182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459091989167011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658650001100128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568143264922114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214393620321415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143488525979256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711011933281106,0.32077008401134754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930428653911107,0.1266687165665199,0.1702432785484467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263599921330086,0.0,0.10076809990489033,0.14871735720088444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505472890041932,0.0,0.18846988347693416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746124516502087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324725454134526,0.0,0.1565660220091455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777291267366304,0.0,0.0,0.17812950116432996,0.19314015671392207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034162279147726,0.0,0.4102520819038229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292289253535366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358790687910933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410022667274919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365001948662593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779541333441945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338959492518902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073866621801134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389520159508245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385822794306545,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AggressiveArea,2018/02/18,"I abused my sons mother so bad I can't live with myself This girl wasn't perfect.  She cheated early in the relationship by talking to her ex, things didn't get physical until she cheated on me in college because I said something that was so horrible, looking back at it I'd have cheated on me too.

There were A LOT of nights the abuse was so bad, I could have been facing many years in prison.  I ended up going to jail for DV ASSAULT 4 (a misdemeanor) after accidently slapping my son while slapping her.

I got off easy, two weeks in jail and was offered a DEFERRED plea deal which means I get my right to own firearms and everything back in two years.  I don't deserve this fucking deal, but I got it.

The only hard part of this deal is the no contact order.  I hate not being able to talk to her.  I don't even want to be in a physical relationship with her at this point.  I just want to be her friend.

I have supervised visitation with my son now, which is good, but there's times where I think I don't even deserve that...  I know the courts will eventualy allow me 50-50 custody once I complete all the domestic violence treatment, but I just can't stand not being with her.

I don't even want to be with her at this point.  She has a new boyfriend now and I just really want to be her friend.  I want to watch tv shows and movies with her, I hate that I can't... UGHHHH.

I know I sound like a whinney little bitch.  I've never made more than $10,000 in a single year in my life, and out of going to jail I got a raise from $15 to $17 a hour...  I'm with a company that will be offering me a minimum 6 figure salary in three years.  But it's not enough.

All I can think about is her.  WTF IS WRONG WITH ME.  I KNOW I NEED TO BE STRONG FOR MY SON, I KNOW I HAVE MORE OPPURTUNITY RIGHT NOW THAN 99% OF PEOPLE ON EARTH, AND I'M BITCHING.

FUCK.  Just the night before I went to jail for slapping this woman, I was choking her (WHICH IS A FELONY) I GOT OFF SO FREAKING LUCKY!!!

How do I get the thoughts of abusing her out of my head?  I know you guys are probably thinking yeah this guy sounds like a school shooter psycho or something and should probably end my life now before I hurt somebody BUT I WASNT ALWAYS LIKE THIS.

I thought I had to be evil like Hitler or Stalin to make it in the world... sounds like a mental illness? Who's to say that Obama or George Bush weren't worse than Hitler... Not to get into politics but these beliefs are deeply rooted in conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones. 

I know in my heart that I love this woman so much, I have no problem with never being with her again.  I just want her to be happy.  I feel the same way about my son.

PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ME MEDITATE.  MEDITATION IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE ME AND IM SO ANGRY THAT I CANT.  I TOLD THIS GIRL THE ABUSE WOULD STOP IF SHE MEDITATED WITH ME AND SHE COULDNT BECAUSE SHE WAS ANGRY AT ME.  I NEED TO DO IT BY MYSELF.... FUCK!",0.8357463823305409,3.002313681518153,2.5331287128712887,93.50673038842346,83.8019801980198,5.51140898705255,20.214166031987816,6.810984321084268,0.2389174714394517,2265,66,504,27,65,744,265,606,0.217,0.6709999999999999,0.111,-0.9975,1,0,3,2,4,1,78.0,0,1,0,2,28,33,12,0,26,1,56,10,3,6,5,86,102,28,0,14,19,7,2,6,2,5,3,5,0,6,31,23,0,1,15,2,0,4,21,18,0,3,22,9,91,15,75,62,11,65,1,1,2,4,53,32,5,6,32,347,122,3,0.06904916484885855,0.3272478773716192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057454436567518224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618909123637696,0.1153063369265087,0.08418346000137387,0.0,0.1175115071501618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239673562869157,0.0,0.0,0.05513013955013342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355997106155727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223141303563007,0.0713462452940997,0.0,0.13681896649346326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620569370503025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03491333244284911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669442695673788,0.19150452077805188,0.14430135493739055,0.0,0.0784844632444694,0.05791516345978553,0.22089969956353825,0.0,0.0,0.13673905818920598,0.0,0.07350411994561308,0.06185448906641109,0.1363435099909902,0.07086436381947006,0.0,0.0,0.08182359280466397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799951848105856,0.0,0.07391855907949862,0.0,0.07458494693294494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276856912556086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754293431830664,0.20240360482269396,0.06920540304503275,0.06097167760088538,0.0,0.057983907996494465,0.0,0.0,0.05870313073299771,0.06231956713548016,0.06533598931895038,0.09218170742433056,0.07000501546177597,0.0,0.07521478297671676,0.0,0.0,0.06958531763075401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075908106264557,0.1023981616332754,0.10650994535485606,0.06668811368360791,0.0,0.12959592738389453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353510704307857,0.0,0.10503000268418193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477351673932024,0.0,0.04786999680553977,0.0,0.0,0.07579524792900176,0.13054755888925268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889335658900682,0.06607072546695318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423466310709419,0.0,0.0,0.14826592423820445,0.0,0.11793521900539645,0.06568156787091202,0.05491066731835659,0.0,0.06988144118602026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947226161288255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772819363057976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099820633926932,0.060352013543039276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174639391770106,0.1327317502562135,0.0,0.10963464804686998,0.040263123302044006,0.0,0.0,0.06597943605003667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490200164253993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443619185801788,0.054808013082953334,0.055387075060336265,0.0,0.0,0.06400926758887232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036699801617327,0.04905054559130645,0.0754944222427335,0.0,0.17786159318747635
suicidewatch,ijustwanttobegone,2018/02/18,"Should I just end it all? I am a married man (35) with 2 kids. My wife (40) had an affair with a man who is in his 20s. She found a better man, I’m a failure. I did everything and tried my hardest to keep her happily fufilled but I wasn’t hood enough. I bought a house so of I just leave they will have a roof over their heads, their mother, and a new father to raise them who is better than me",0.14060344827586135,1.6187058620689645,2.2144683908045977,98.55549568965515,82.33333333333333,5.269540229885059,17.771551724137932,5.985473137389443,-0.573941379310345,298,6,76,2,8,100,64,87,0.049,0.847,0.104,0.6433,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,2,3,2,0,0,8,0,9,1,1,0,1,11,13,4,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,16,2,8,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,0,2,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967301943540744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487257997966656,0.2901651979468113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238557893197194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079078931450854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882053858656509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32403200473442684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496083598259467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973509788495737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712205754898195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066036373111264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnOldFriendTheGarden,2018/02/18,"I’m alone and I have already planned my suicide, I just needed a little push to end it all, today I got it. I lost all my friends and people I could trust throughout last year and last mouth. I was only left with 2 people that I THOUGHT I could trust. I realized that I couldn’t trust one of my 2 left friend when he told some people about my problems, not hoping to help me, but to make fun of me. Today, my last friend told me that we shouldn’t talk to each other anymore, because I was disturbing her life and being bad for her. I agree...
Now I’m left alone only with those voices in my head telling me to do it... 
Certainly I will... ",2.572631578947373,3.6371974285714295,3.615045112781957,92.83324436090228,74.71428571428571,6.222255639097745,23.07443609022557,6.2581,0.3238727819548868,490,13,111,3,10,158,77,133,0.161,0.68,0.159,0.1791,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,2,5,13,0,1,1,0,10,3,2,1,3,25,20,6,1,7,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,7,1,26,9,12,7,4,15,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,2,9,71,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705859002687665,0.1441530975339504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295495389284242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907032438288396,0.07963063899840599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085943362449951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156991214027981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027724945967463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447648641736383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406373587086656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755831933356258,0.0,0.0,0.1297447446564888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319441866441498,0.0,0.0,0.4257885807584386,0.0,0.0922676044607758,0.0,0.13092525459343804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425977241778436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719632414780472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686025073080516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851805025802774,0.19869951241275213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716865118930423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499495953090725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428876652295174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049951866830929,0.1141760959503028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037053725303655,0.0,0.0,0.2476433204572265,0.24964450989936215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412122950614133
suicidewatch,throwawaysafelyhec,2018/02/18,Since I was 15 I am almost 20 and I've had at least one suicide attempt yearly since I was 15 like clockwork. I think about it at least once every day... I'm so fucking exhausted from dealing with it... I can't ever just be happy like everyone else ,0.3846794871794863,2.6085722115384646,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,86.5,5.005128205128205,22.128205128205128,6.42735559955562,0.5488743589743592,193,7,40,2,6,66,39,52,0.13699999999999998,0.706,0.157,0.0332,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,6,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,5,3,5,5,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,5,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928203001668026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698909737267656,0.2669465284649126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630365525091366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342179461194885,0.2181605654115766,0.24741970111833134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937757039825716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756369025967062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530012501295392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757531027168107,0.17545837116343982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283808573533416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28322852714714325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591255267474658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674309777936933
suicidewatch,Latent_Butterfly,2018/02/18,"Tonight's the night So I had my entire life story tuped out but I realized nobody would give a fuck so here we are.

I've always tried to make everybody else feel good. Even at my own expense. I feel pleasure helping others feel good. But nobody is ever here for me. I've always been alone. I'm a disgusting tranny that doesn't fit in with either gay or straight people and as such hasn't felt genuine human contact in ages. I miss feeling loved and needed, the days before my family abandoned me and my friends betrayed me. My phone's running low on battery but I wanted somebody to know about what happened here tonight. I'm about to get high as giraffe nuts, lsd mdma dmt and weed combo. When the euphoria dies down I've prepared a noose and already have it set. I'll step through and end my life before daybreak. Sorry I'm such a fuckup I just want to experience love again",2.2441968253968234,4.641737765714286,3.3056666666666668,88.67894444444448,79.91428571428571,5.260317460317459,24.579365079365076,6.42735559955562,0.8557555555555556,699,26,133,6,18,224,120,175,0.157,0.63,0.213,0.9292,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,0,0,14,11,2,0,7,0,8,6,0,1,1,29,28,15,1,4,6,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,7,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,3,5,16,6,17,24,2,22,0,3,0,4,9,10,1,1,9,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719332800912412,0.1781425868501326,0.0,0.2686462397977955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747309556483427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410932696639186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675393873424182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485448045920007,0.0,0.1429795206317213,0.0,0.0,0.10662333226519817,0.1460231423344434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791001915762035,0.15218232201623993,0.0,0.3264964740733143,0.0,0.1549986094967803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247208149697216,0.1492399092941644,0.08434078096845646,0.1548588591079033,0.0,0.2708005128979395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275247073999794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820347098443213,0.1705602016001697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887179889344433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22804629275810465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29139468380476713,0.0,0.10775612188183646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969868093936907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149160214928598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191559267862684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070824434541616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960072269153304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043179981176447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467560575282493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,windcriesmary456,2018/02/18,"Im confused about my suicidal thoughts So Im not sure where to start because today is a day where i dont want to have my body die. And i dont want to rant too but i also need to talk to people who understand wanting to move on from this body and life. Ive had suicidal thoughts since i was nine.

Ive never attemped. But i fantasized about being dead. I have very recently broke up with my ex. But he isnt the issue i think. Maybe he is. I cant hold down a steady job. But im trying to solve my financial problems by being proactive. The city in maddening. Cars, sirens, people, noise and lights. 

There are a million reasons why i want to die. No one gets it. An example,  Because i havent attempted and never will i feel lonely. Like i dont belong with anyone on one side of the fence or another. When i say im suicidal but i dont attempt i get a poser by people who attempt; and look like an attention whore by people who arent suicidal. But i feel like a burden. To my friends, my brother, my land lords, the planet.

I recently had a dream where i was a light orb. I wasflying through space till i reached a swirling galaxy. My consciousness' origin.  A hand reached down and grabbed me. It matched the patterns and colours of my home. Not child hood home. Lets be clear. A voice said not quite yet, you still have a bit more time. How long is a bit... to them it was probably the rest my life here.

I cried all day cause i didnt want to be here. I wanted to die and i want to go home. I feel like my human life is a mess. I try so hard to do my best and make a life for myself. But it feels like a roller coaster that i dont get to get off of till my body is dead.

On the other had there are so many things i want to do. Want to see, smell, hear. I want to be apart of it all. Is this my brain trying to keep me alive, or is it that i dont want to die.

 Ive exhausted all community mentle health systems. Medications are worse. Ive been on a lot of stuff to know it doesnt help me. But i keep trying and it doesnt work. I wouldn't be suicidal of i could get my life together. But im starting to think it will never be.
 Heres my questions.

Am i the only one who feels like death is better than life here on earth as a human?

Do any of you know what home is to you?

How do you become ok with hating this life most times and continuing on even though it feels pointles.

Can you ask me questions too? I need people talk to and suicide lines are bullshit and the hospitals dont help. I have a public psychiatrist and psychologist but the suck to be honest. I cant afford private practice. I want to talk to people not dr's. But its impossible to get an honestly open face to face conversation about issues.",0.4917015706806254,2.506582363001748,2.5498577661431057,93.79096465968588,84.00872600349041,5.844432809773124,20.370244328097733,7.100725674708028,0.35378443280977256,2086,62,482,29,60,700,246,573,0.225,0.6629999999999999,0.113,-0.9975,3,2,0,0,0,3,68.0,0,5,1,7,25,23,2,1,31,1,62,19,7,6,8,90,108,38,13,17,17,2,9,6,1,3,11,4,4,3,24,18,0,4,18,2,0,3,24,10,0,5,11,19,69,13,63,84,10,43,1,2,3,1,31,19,1,7,26,315,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393227130579664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033438546196972174,0.0515609752160277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03438210290191397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596904481841204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994941035256213,0.0543064483734422,0.0,0.0,0.05160282603391154,0.04348850804721127,0.10736585609857682,0.16385653095990674,0.0,0.05489205002707328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051303801453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03925972344960668,0.0,0.05401297155954767,0.06342355456459207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413048061026096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403403318308321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032477545138503525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917659787499515,0.14051352635836178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037990051631618366,0.0,0.1541415821130035,0.0,0.027945497210892067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404832192843855,0.048547024731610766,0.0,0.052267380331800936,0.055420252003061485,0.0,0.06591771310052516,0.0,0.1972935110428075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655701957210012,0.10264527851266264,0.048795476735262085,0.0874124044668343,0.0,0.0,0.05404712887886562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050281551160829295,0.2431207375796875,0.14413730158104068,0.0,0.0,0.04351554253397076,0.04129197225049107,0.0,0.0,0.04180415099634949,0.0,0.0,0.03282259368580734,0.049852541088082784,0.04939973545858035,0.0,0.0,0.04953546872995171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226189790199713,0.0,0.072920611851794,0.11377309308627302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996036045811678,0.03739740995524517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453742923070453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301557415660426,0.04705082249227118,0.0,0.0,0.11016745767607188,0.05230031832081605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050556854417768415,0.0971025453504638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046773692419255566,0.03910343109854903,0.0,0.0,0.03918360051897212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067546490795927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960818124219981,0.0,0.039268705302868114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629000739241974,0.3227161574328946,0.0,0.0463438895029708,0.0,0.0,0.1185674184713236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032667594188040674,0.06301467582661073,0.04831109588777163,0.07807391742407914,0.057345005797353785,0.0,0.046609167105448254,0.0,0.0,0.13353784177644626,0.0,0.0,0.05118963308441589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04057192839654581,0.34803399459379397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436994911651517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03579769459897781,0.0,0.0501103190493792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,007arsenal,2018/02/18,"If you were would you want to live ? If you were me** 
Ok I'm 29. I used to study medicine but that didn't work out.  Then I got a job in the city which I loved and a few months later everything changed. I was 25.

Basically I started hearing a voice (never did drugs or anything) and I had this voice control me ever since. I know it sounds like a bad movie but this voice can control everything I do and say. 

It made me lose my job. It stopped me going to the gym and being healthy. It makes me smoke every day. It doesn't let me get another job or talk to a girl or exercise.

My life is watching tv / twitter/ reddit all night until 8am in the morning. Then waking up at 3pm and going out to get a coffee alone. Then watching t.v. again until 8am the next day.

Medication has been tried and doesn't help. I saw a psychologist but I guess it was too much for her because she said she wasn't experienced enough lol.

So imagine right now you can no longer work , be in love, you have to smoke which you don't want to, and you can't exercise. Your life is tv. 

It's like a prison. Would you want to live like that ?   It's not enough for me. I have a loving family and a couple of friends but it's just not enough.  I want a job and my own place and love but I will never have it because this voice won't let me.  

*Btw thankfully this voice has never made me do anything illegal or dangerous*",0.16150998034957098,2.2791303924914708,2.0488364877443392,96.18753542248426,86.37201365187711,5.3262591788189075,19.117695728617228,6.714681859716394,-0.0052106939704210644,1067,30,251,13,33,352,147,293,0.1,0.738,0.163,0.9624,4,1,3,0,0,0,36.0,0,9,0,5,6,13,1,0,15,2,32,11,1,6,5,47,57,27,0,8,14,0,0,3,1,4,6,9,0,1,18,12,0,3,2,5,0,2,13,3,0,0,14,13,37,10,20,35,7,30,0,1,3,4,23,9,0,7,22,165,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774280211352199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895916495228288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553232035262216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879818661670636,0.11505879326400255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983497399214772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169649801379176,0.0,0.10442282211990013,0.0,0.12172659597149325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094436540973936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925401101590264,0.0,0.0,0.08536651118285811,0.0795140024725731,0.0,0.16963418444790573,0.0,0.08896722592421795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729129689694162,0.0,0.09861283775450494,0.0,0.10726961841119664,0.0,0.07547935444725908,0.0,0.10396338790182837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636613905555538,0.0,0.06325677333159135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37460576421906505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186537608639323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300722278947224,0.13331802130621695,0.1383188248784449,0.0,0.16666760068842967,0.0,0.0,0.10558014983756413,0.0,0.0,0.3407041806657184,0.17859755556793472,0.06299524881185524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507168164484524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532827214722515,0.0,0.06937560673037636,0.0,0.2183606931149764,0.0,0.10036761409682092,0.08856342455202518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860054158411292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059471529125388,0.0897711015773346,0.07504983899293405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806698815282108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679826613746832,0.0,0.0,0.07890072819930169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585409102724369,0.0,0.08688672170922304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407361990517288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150866812885495,0.0,0.0,0.2226564653836828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741051056111533,0.0,0.0,0.13408088915766958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dogswagg,2018/02/18,"i might kill myself i'm probably not going to though, if i'm writing this then i still have some hope left in me. i've been thinking about it more and more with every passing day, it's probably going to end with my suicide, maybe. maybe not though ,i don't know, fuck you, it's none of your business, i control my fate, nobody else, if i really want to fucking die then i'll shootmyself in the head, if not, then i'll be writing this to maybe keep my hope alive, maybe it will help, maybe not, we'll see.",3.5151078167115912,3.9342033679245283,4.453450134770893,90.10462264150944,71.9245283018868,7.566576819407007,25.52021563342318,7.447530270364453,0.9874517520215632,391,11,89,4,7,127,65,106,0.119,0.7440000000000001,0.138,-0.2144,0,0,0,1,0,2,17.0,1,2,0,1,4,5,3,0,1,0,7,3,1,1,0,21,20,9,3,6,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,1,1,13,2,10,15,4,12,0,0,1,2,6,3,2,7,6,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842004250764307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853423023900126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733829113533494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105452526238338,0.0,0.1172056514136382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149425463016667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446750514822205,0.0,0.0,0.15041308168764533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580939339190906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869842510252084,0.0,0.0,0.2628683283085356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117621535182946,0.1464042244958135,0.0,0.0727254479468609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377760570466006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6647194706186378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403818756688396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28534957979658665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477438362071851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545037114922168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567940398258932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474822003094684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479211794927595,0.26002832432535194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780520281792635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,123qwe123qwe111,2018/02/18,"I give up Let me start by saying that I used to be really depressed in the past and even tried to OD, but after years of pretending to be a happy goofball I actually became happy. Fake it till you make it actually worked in a weird way because by acting like I didn't care about anything I started to not care. Then a couple months ago I started a new job. Things were ok, coworkers were fun to be with, but I never really hung out with any of them outside of work. So I got the brilliant idea of going bowling! Surprisingly a bunch of them seemed as excited as I was to hangout together outside of work. Last week we decided that tonight would work for everyone and that we should get together at my place before hand to pregame. Awesome! So yesterday I go out and spend 100$ on alcohol/snacks for everyone . Today I found out that half the people couldn't make it, and the others were going to a different coworkers. So now I'm left here feeling more alone and let down than I have in years. I feel like all of that work I put into trying to be happy alone disappeared in an instant. I know it doesn't sound like much, but when stuff like this happens I can't get the feeling of ""no one wants to be around me"" out. Like there's something I'm always doing wrong that no matter what I try I can't fix. I'm planning on picking up my gun from my parents to ""try out the shooting range."" Thanks for reading I guess and I'm sorry I couldn't pretend anymore.",4.995735735735735,5.1247990540540584,5.971981981981982,81.53578078078081,68.5945945945946,9.010210210210207,30.63363363363363,8.841846274778883,2.3175178678678683,1144,42,233,18,18,380,168,296,0.114,0.669,0.217,0.9893,3,2,2,2,0,0,27.0,2,1,2,6,10,19,0,0,13,1,21,1,1,4,2,42,50,17,1,5,4,1,4,5,0,2,0,3,0,0,15,17,0,0,8,4,1,6,10,4,0,2,7,7,30,15,50,32,4,46,0,1,0,0,8,19,0,2,25,157,45,7,0.0,0.0,0.18414110110992546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363427483301551,0.1008298801085222,0.0,0.19543323594533746,0.0,0.0,0.0785055309823205,0.0,0.0,0.06416023241380797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356838468989093,0.0,0.0,0.07764079713836622,0.08399019038401849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057513985186942986,0.0,0.08028364575914854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923892186691283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439484848068004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126224641461273,0.0,0.0,0.09857412766499844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062316311003527074,0.0,0.0,0.1803081178921717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431163474330042,0.06740260518004038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344828794056173,0.0,0.0,0.09858642054139184,0.09050770240248172,0.1608613232233713,0.0,0.07545913442076478,0.0,0.10393553733960237,0.0,0.08343208915127105,0.30130727810396085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650800069101443,0.0,0.0,0.09362635294115926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185148196546065,0.07690664048283181,0.0,0.0,0.102509948576454,0.1929555184368453,0.0,0.23046961816819075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595674625926606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530809259389244,0.0,0.0693570218257171,0.0,0.07276739895582011,0.09112239346022603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393300236381616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476287172352347,0.0,0.09006634296191325,0.06540938771411604,0.0,0.09857412766499844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484632695859216,0.0,0.0,0.09437405714644524,0.0,0.1208841622166306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502973402855084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589135376426983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263410407049822,0.0,0.1056154494170309,0.2003411150156286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800648854762844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686344578393422,0.0,0.0,0.06268096774178655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943136990717485,0.0,0.0,0.2562258213603471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148683292052349,0.0,0.0,0.055649204587393634,0.07488946765854744,0.07568069581640599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434342497756237,0.0,0.0,0.06702248523650205,0.10315530111246396,0.0,0.121514713647356
suicidewatch,BirbLover,2018/02/18,"I lost my best friend 5 months ago to suicide and now I feel like I’m losing myself I genuinely cannot hold it together anymore, I’m teetering on the brink of insanity, I haven’t done anything this past week due to the complete lack of motivation. Sitting in my room and talking to myself just makes me even more suicidal, I’m tired of calling myself useless garbage that doesn’t deserve to be loved and that I deserve to be treated the way that I am. Most of my friends and family ignore my cries of help and therapy doesn’t help at all, those who do help have given up as they can’t possibly fathom that I’ll stay alive for much longer. I miss the one who truly cared about me, he hanged himself after I went home from his house, he gave me an ominous hint and I didn’t call the police fast enough to save him, I feel as if I failed him, his family and his/my friends. Nobody truly knows how much he meant to me and I haven’t been able to get any real sleep as I get vivid pictures of his corpse. It’s been five months and everybody expects me to get over it but the pain still hurts just as much. 

Happiness is only temporary for me, and in lows like this it feels like the only solution is a rope around my neck. Is it morbid if I want to see who will cry like I did losing him??

Thanks for reading my horrible thoughts.",4.557765135251182,4.7455494051094895,5.295152425933878,85.8062451696007,69.54744525547446,8.636839845427222,28.161442679261484,8.4952907291091,1.7441041648776294,1043,33,226,15,17,339,157,274,0.16699999999999998,0.659,0.174,-0.1342,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,6,8,24,0,0,9,0,20,5,2,3,1,34,43,18,2,5,5,0,3,4,3,1,2,0,2,0,15,11,0,2,7,1,0,2,7,10,0,2,11,5,38,14,33,29,9,25,0,8,2,1,25,10,0,3,14,145,53,4,0.10740884645865964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521146170664796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304169879817507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652071406898383,0.0,0.0,0.08838832880864525,0.0956166453460444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271895775914105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935288252650675,0.0,0.10951047738896964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261613197308433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359671486079207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991654148218367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098205058627156,0.0,0.07094253008898788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251100259737465,0.0,0.16292742013270467,0.15346580274273752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489514250043905,0.0,0.16835006741399006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143387143146275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159816570997806,0.0,0.107739830580075,0.0,0.0,0.12393538782552105,0.11498339161659647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902909302967412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098981477972149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24032605013669364,0.11724944395539785,0.0,0.09694067745028742,0.0,0.07169623905451684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146543300626746,0.0,0.23687358230215366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278301412318276,0.16337853551959935,0.1142905855187592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253389750909657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121087335906404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743791281792356,0.12225478205901125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559094435732174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748641584302444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448353912316682,0.08577684352754876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497568972912197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633116220867865,0.0,0.09888763498550382,0.12283137669926557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852706264036017,0.0,0.12345066852461885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335252050857064,0.08525614284860478,0.0861568978273929,0.0,0.0,0.09956907675036276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toliee,2018/02/18,"What friendship for :) I've a friend. I used to think that she was the one that I could put my trust. I trust and love her. She also said she loved me. And I always told her everything. She know about how suicidal I am. And how my family is. But she never cares. Even the simple ""are you ok?"" from her, is hard to hear. I always the one, who asks her, when the things go down for her. And what to expect? She never cares to ask. And now, she treat me like stranger. It hurts so much. Friendship never works for me :)

never thought that i will post here",-0.8503643935450285,1.2901212566371676,0.5775741801145244,102.76080166579906,97.49557522123894,3.7207704320666326,11.956793336803749,5.5289334501034215,-1.426089640812077,414,6,99,3,17,130,68,113,0.1,0.645,0.255,0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,9,11,0,0,5,1,7,2,0,3,4,18,21,11,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,4,3,25,10,10,15,1,10,0,1,0,2,22,1,0,0,7,76,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433882257778554,0.25874679930334243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907091837392361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31704832722116305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124139648789178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269433130886957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973710992244415,0.0,0.14657450170116168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012493345974118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836394921253196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928124636353728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523940606200875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644659414994814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544878831989118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596060467524546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28065697783539834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429708953027648,0.0,0.4796689185552541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107171243159393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890868501140453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630225806472628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478988958481213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007196741012692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329526835552352,0.0996265260976734,0.0,0.12343526440094638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856962244964533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428644415066704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131926780045589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GingerTit,2018/02/18,"I can't do this anymore What's supposed to keep you going when everything that's making your depression worse is out of your control? 

I just got fired for the first time ever at 26 yesterday for a petty Facebook comment. I showed up to work everyday I was scheduled, early even, and worked my fucking ass off for shitty people who don't give a fuck about me or the people that are helping make their business a success. I finally snapped. That dam in my brain of patience, compassion and general ""do-the-right-thing-and-be-a-good-person"" has fallen and the flood of life long built up hate and rage is flooding through.

I can't live in this world anymore. I'm pissed off that I didn't have a choice to be born in a reality where being a good, hard-working person gets you no where. Fuck America and the greedy, selfish cunts that get to run it. I'm done working my ass off and not getting a single thank you.

*Sigh* Rant over. If you read this, thank you. And sorry for so much profanity",3.737580372250424,5.1672918274111685,4.506619289340102,86.14426057529612,72.3502538071066,7.28379018612521,27.854145516074446,7.793537801064563,1.6229745516074452,778,29,156,10,15,250,126,197,0.279,0.653,0.068,-0.9921,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,7,1,6,8,14,7,0,11,0,14,8,4,3,1,18,31,11,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,2,0,2,0,3,6,9,1,1,4,1,19,4,24,25,2,28,0,1,0,5,13,14,7,2,11,100,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648026617305144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903600823062646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973748643339413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498787341529923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366222194766986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817895637319541,0.1207631390225136,0.0,0.0,0.11998590732829854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624847215093129,0.0,0.11355949470083453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702703480901747,0.20925294363341365,0.12807039783107307,0.07587410836864897,0.2239557337532248,0.10677634177785487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195944780024473,0.13180879150813773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948575273968268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866559752416456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942987040124115,0.0,0.0,0.11788757882685527,0.11814794222577568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823157780756352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981417176860568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511145646326888,0.2331432638831705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354137518517156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401275128076205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494481935227629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582738845928906,0.0,0.0,0.08869495371155442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784798301197113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38877363875164905,0.0,0.1360532521303028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skeletickles,2018/02/18,"I hate everything about my existence I ended up writing 500 words about this earlier today. Keep in mind this wasn't intended to be posted before reading it, so it might be a tad confusing.

---

My life fucking sucks and I want it to end. Those people who say “Oh, you’re only 14, you don’t know what you’re talking about, give it time, blah blah fucking blah” can just shut up. It doesn’t matter what age I am, I want to die and that’s that. Just because you don’t think me capable of thinking out why doesn’t mean anything. I’m not thinking of this because I didn’t get some toy. Age doesn’t mean I don’t have a rational reason.

Where do I even start with reasons? I have no friends, for one. Oh sure, on the surface it looks like I have friends, all of us sitting at our little table at lunch, talking away. Only if you paid attention you’d notice that these aren’t really friends. Just people to talk to as a way to ease the boredom. I have online friends, sure, but in the end they are nothing more than random strangers who took a passing interest in the stupid shit I post online. For fucks sake, the people I’m closest to are the community of /r/WormFanfic . A fucking fanfiction subreddit. That thought hurts so, so much. And, even then, it’s not even being close to them, it’s just having some small form of recognition for posting a lot - my absence won't even be noted.

I once thought a while ago that it didn’t matter if I had friends or not, but loneliness fucking sucks.

I like to read a lot. I love reading so fucking much. But I constantly come across these characters with these best friends/love interests who would never betray them and are constant companions to them. The fact that I fully recognize I’m likely to never have that hurts a lot.

One friend. One friend that I could rely on passed all else. That’s all I want.

Oddly, I’m being reminded of a scene from one of the Thor movies. Where Loki, locked up in his cell, all pristine and fine, is revealed to be just an illusion, the real Loki being an utter wreck. It reminds me of myself; I like to put up this little facade that all is well with me, that nothing could do anything but make me laugh. That facade become a role, the role became an act, and I acted so hard I forgot it was so. That just makes it all the worse when it comes crashing down.

And being lonely isn’t the only reason. There is the sheer, crushing boredom. What is the point of living a life that is constantly the same thing day in day out? Wake up, get ready, go to school, come home, read a book, rinse and fucking repeat. Over and over. Then, in some far away future, it becomes the same thing with work.

As asinine as it sounds, I’m bored. Reading books constantly, every single moment I have, relieved some of my boredom, but everything goes back to the same shitty world the moment the book ends.

I could go on, but those are the main points. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this; hopefully it will help. Probably not.

---

I was told writing it out might help, but honestly it's pushed me further. I'm probably going to kill myself soon.",3.22014657980456,4.8974312817589585,4.074118566775244,87.72519739413681,74.13029315960912,6.8663973941368095,25.309315960912052,7.554174236665415,1.2252518306188924,2413,80,486,30,50,774,275,614,0.116,0.7290000000000001,0.155,0.9715,1,2,0,0,1,3,96.0,2,4,4,2,28,42,13,1,36,0,51,13,2,6,12,101,100,32,2,10,21,0,1,7,8,5,2,2,1,0,50,20,1,2,13,9,1,13,20,18,1,4,12,4,48,24,66,71,23,85,0,3,1,8,37,39,10,15,32,331,98,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971412694314591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923029332796956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538350364456316,0.04312430560752162,0.0,0.06837525802187443,0.12387836337165965,0.0477224363420114,0.0,0.058855567118614775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449314154279424,0.0,0.2424228615815077,0.0,0.13433295031330847,0.0,0.0,0.07233769077151693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820521919970524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685008534230691,0.0,0.19869129215398734,0.0,0.0,0.18521120689115708,0.0,0.04725228103982825,0.0,0.10080742898408793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033066876070875,0.3629343069782239,0.05860202453420861,0.053799849589814576,0.09561965185847672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023928274815559,0.055370275081885585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751824015441325,0.0,0.056255743985882914,0.05570299638715203,0.0,0.0,0.1200758569339726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984907836943223,0.062047444366003436,0.0,0.03082170750888794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922605345653552,0.10959713229561044,0.11241964370755736,0.04952224805109034,0.0,0.047095530052010615,0.0,0.0,0.14303908548644967,0.050617027176483836,0.0,0.07487157251475142,0.0,0.0,0.12218148774137735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899023611585215,0.05662776427729425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245480203724079,0.0,0.08650921446344892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076261534001554,0.06385077897725626,0.0,0.05972648211007954,0.15201295888400565,0.1279607692553603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664251088153192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603297872328864,0.0,0.16113581099965962,0.0,0.12093375200247353,0.0,0.0,0.056378827316013236,0.0,0.0,0.2804904966585528,0.06383464391518684,0.035928156236496984,0.17298775477154554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459939097281895,0.0,0.05675891169068838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756831400930022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03969578120016822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857247221618945,0.0,0.0,0.1352319861577726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451800337734944,0.10780701661960057,0.0,0.0890471518778129,0.0327024031145652,0.0,0.053160052922580296,0.05358963582615154,0.062310190451832566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746085045505078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923748224037902,0.04451601343247289,0.0,0.0,0.05042528261248731,0.0,0.10121222882484963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040829035521760704,0.0,0.05715328932194105,0.03983969904378554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AttonRand1,2018/02/18,What's your experience with ER? I've been suicidal for the past few days. Should I go to ER? What's been your experience?,-0.21860000000000213,2.043859040000001,2.4235000000000007,88.81925000000004,98.6,7.3000000000000025,18.25,8.07648339933343,1.1707999999999998,96,3,22,3,4,33,18,25,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496359902367875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7572813147365375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998772906351985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36951374990993663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234050902131101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tubboandfat,2018/02/18,"Done The thought of suicide is my pleasant day dream. It is the place of peace. I haven't got there to do it yet but I could do it quickly. 
I have a son and that is the only reason I hold back. He has a life of his own now and doesn't need me that much. 
But i don't want to add that burden on him. I feel bad enough that I brought him into this life. 
I'm almost 60, my job is about to disappear, so will my industry and I don't have enough to retire.
I can't find a partner after a lot of trying. So I'm done with that. 
My back hurts all the time. 
I don't enjoy anything anymore. Antidepressants don't fix it. 

Oh a brain tumor would be so sweet. ",-0.8522672413793124,0.9664367862068984,1.6160991379310343,99.61725215517241,88.0344827586207,4.452586206896552,16.648706896551722,5.602791699666715,-0.8169913793103447,494,11,126,3,16,168,84,145,0.17800000000000002,0.745,0.077,-0.9416,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,9,0,22,3,1,1,1,20,30,8,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,10,6,0,1,4,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,5,2,18,3,13,21,6,13,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,8,92,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172804772363252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998141769411258,0.0,0.0,0.1493442553932844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27909697260832245,0.15152992263163564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202593976008577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489864136482608,0.0,0.0,0.11704090196576993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714382716433075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750389204146916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176277219263992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587129645267815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514776584026212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428027698941425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800929212546272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563722633897613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428954028563766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133410180763575,0.1345666328798687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802526907847426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961010499333375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186593762592776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985118956943486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440764677736418,0.105823636783385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232143921558369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704280904692078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289196340219778,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Captainblizzard88,2018/02/18,"I’m ending it at 25. I have decided to exit this earth at 25. I just turned 20 today. If I can’t be happy by the age of 25 I’m going to go. That’s 5 years, which may seem like a long time, but time passes different when you’re depressed. A month doing nothing can seem like a blur. I have spent February accomplishing absolutely nothing but laying in my bed. No applying for jobs, no socializing, just pure lazy fuck all. Whatever. I got 5 years, that’s all. Fuck this life. I’m going to go get me some chocolate cake. ",0.5580555555555549,2.743389435185186,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,85.2037037037037,6.562962962962962,20.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.8700777777777771,401,12,87,8,12,140,75,108,0.203,0.731,0.066,-0.9549,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,4,0,7,3,0,0,3,14,22,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,9,18,3,19,0,1,0,2,1,4,2,6,12,44,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566093835573753,0.0,0.0,0.18997300775511666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610468660029803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361966744356524,0.09499834935241938,0.0,0.4133513208532343,0.0,0.14542557025945116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935607622940248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043760867781672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843147252846107,0.17766530669540334,0.0,0.0,0.16091328460109844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513448099670587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489403992927466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310612876070306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535216051457412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205235419316326,0.0,0.17235299699191814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777815813424227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23418432589677135
suicidewatch,woozookazoo,2018/02/18,"Dear Athena Today I went to League City just to see you. I haven't seen you in a few months, you and I were so close before I moved. You were my ride or die, my support. You were my best friend. Today I asked your brother, ""Is Athena here?"" I was so excited for him to get you but I saw his face drop and he hesitated on his words... Today was the day I found out you committed suicide. Athena, I miss you. I love you so much... It hurts to say that you're gone. I can't call you and tell you to come back, you're gone and you can't come back. I wish I could've hugged you when I was last there, I wish God would have an intervention making me message you before your last moments. God, please watch over her, please keep her safe-- I know how miserable she was and now she's with you. ❤️ My heart is broken and I am numb. Even though you're no longer here, I'm keeping the art that you made when I was at your house just for a reminder that even though your not here, your legacy lives on for me. It's too soon you're gone, but I love you...❤️",-0.3531277533039656,1.5849195550660795,1.1547242290748905,102.95624493392073,86.92951541850218,4.513057268722467,14.366343612334802,5.6839178017228535,-1.226868052863436,797,12,207,5,25,254,120,227,0.165,0.675,0.159,-0.5364,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,21,0,1,21,13,0,1,5,0,16,6,2,3,1,30,40,17,2,3,6,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,11,0,3,2,1,0,8,5,4,0,0,16,5,53,9,15,23,3,30,0,3,4,3,38,7,0,1,14,129,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795134370156615,0.0,0.0,0.19403293874921815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472170826323767,0.0,0.13240698590848554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883304904102313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173675073828325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073598771794008,0.0,0.0,0.08136881582785142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094390243226786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666737820405678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833821878332872,0.09747815415660953,0.0,0.06591829640407608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951132913989534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558253088572126,0.13506693653094848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429029369168546,0.0,0.0,0.06933939458233597,0.2056897773526753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140987880793653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774559254791074,0.11938452308084754,0.08421904445273293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070719967250626,0.1340980894052774,0.09274901547910584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27699219435172523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033495931088164,0.0,0.0,0.10054066493082724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800882946984772,0.14317552333778585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102776039501218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479215610490779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35878147418215384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696028427070032,0.0,0.0,0.29017713304232784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962711138706247,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Soklay,2018/02/18,"I promised... 3 years ago, in a summer trip to Europe, my depression led to a panic attack and a suicide attempt. I’ve since then recuperated and been on again off again depressed. But I promised myself I would never get to the state I got in Europe. For the sake of my family and for the sake of my newly born (at the time) sister.

Now, on the eve of my sister’s third birthday, what am I doing? Wallowing and pondering the point of living. I’ve been like this for months and it’s only gotten worse. Sometimes I think the only thing keeping me alive is that promise.

I’m such a hypocrite... I feel ignored, but I hate taking others attention and time. I don’t really know what to do anymore, and I’m scared that one day I’m going to just end it. Sorry if I’m being melodramatic.",2.2777938517179024,4.129371860759498,4.270922242314652,84.54329113924051,77.22784810126579,6.53960216998192,22.678119349005428,7.447530270364453,0.9857688969258588,606,18,120,8,14,207,97,158,0.166,0.789,0.045,-0.9555,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,2,2,11,0,9,0,0,1,1,21,23,11,1,2,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,5,0,0,3,2,7,0,2,4,1,15,4,18,17,0,26,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,1,16,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395457140341393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834291555629632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041702206253335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928294647837415,0.0,0.3186090106906007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638183533020326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436243515317176,0.0,0.09352058690869562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966331946940002,0.0,0.10511619132679034,0.0,0.14792822759724775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260824996326916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439963409721034,0.0,0.0,0.10164836748154568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036139200995988,0.0,0.16332176492681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476321289219345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142651415723557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533268234849335,0.2813385834802599,0.0,0.21700897589217885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484558867025335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848916634513865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517574838846085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299960202192112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292870920726764,0.2070459243811428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231460482383185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906579136707084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287822452905328,0.11851395361833032,0.0,0.0,0.21570160500422605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884885369864888,0.13138922843872675,0.0,0.0,0.1191072250882724
suicidewatch,allahusin8,2018/02/18,"I just need some support. Please, if anyone is out there reading this, just tell me that you're there and that it'll be okay. Because I know it will, somewhere in the back of my head. Every day is torture and the torture is going to continue until July. Im trying so hard to get through this but every day makes that finish line seem further and further away. 

July is when my lease is up. Because I know someone's going to ask for specifics. 

I'm sorry I'm in such a bitchy mood. I want to OD and go away. It's hard to be good to others when feeling this way. It's hard to care about anything.",1.1864933333333312,3.0907464160000018,2.726900000000004,94.06528333333335,80.84,4.486666666666667,22.416666666666664,4.7782277997778095,-0.03813333333333357,462,15,100,1,12,151,78,125,0.128,0.747,0.124,-0.1361,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,0,3,1,9,1,1,1,0,17,25,10,1,3,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,4,18,21,1,20,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,8,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422542005591566,0.0,0.13443172536638004,0.0,0.15271996215391545,0.0,0.3069650273662364,0.12561409701854945,0.0,0.19916601957597746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655685902792194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107079425085581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27527643778915656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259994840627377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534908900700733,0.0,0.2785245131769881,0.1370189889936732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390166089655329,0.0,0.16765494399348072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645731121859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955725444184414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904436420837076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112969854211385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932071017925924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340465064278384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487172119060998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841477321810802,0.0,0.0,0.1828686414073552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537949479267665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278422757352158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091101752698386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635422179679362,0.12966791584025847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pretty_much_that_kid,2018/02/18,"I need someone to tell me to die. My first post on this site and it’s about this shit. Right. So. I’m 15. I don’t think I’m even allowed to be on this site. I’ve struggled with depression since I was 8, yadda yadda, whatever. Shit doesn’t get better and I want to kill myself. Thing is, I’m fucking terrified of hurting people, and everyone who knows about this has made it clear that they /don’t/ want me to die because ??? reasons. Anyway. All I need is to know one person would be happy if I killed myself.  Be the most heartless dickhead you can be and help a girl out.",0.14587570621469226,2.4626277118644104,1.8780000000000001,95.60965536723164,89.67796610169492,4.502598870056497,19.731073446327684,6.079149491110277,-0.02528655367231636,442,14,96,4,15,144,80,118,0.315,0.5870000000000001,0.098,-0.9892,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,1,2,5,11,6,1,2,0,13,3,2,3,2,21,26,6,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,2,0,13,2,13,19,2,8,0,2,0,1,7,6,3,2,1,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165558399236498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748601050442145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436304768128693,0.0,0.3461419069018642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101436627408586,0.0,0.0,0.15934669596721054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184629984068592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416729047529565,0.08712541933302917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751953266815582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177597212828412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852044311264784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689913208220428,0.0,0.18329429487230603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577927101078627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473014276297342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130011539029022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156106551310762,0.14560873752446052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971035374631554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714574515555874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241245918218826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423542813219987,0.13794591523293706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129553459584898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433416386751707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457559283434692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078819108581726,0.1068533223858457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967191935197834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846179420867245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ANewUsername250,2018/02/18,"I'm tired of living. None of my friends appreciate me. As of now, one of them are in another room, playing games on my laptop, and become annoyed when I go in, or if I ask to use it. One of my parents left when I was a toddler, and the other constantly yells and swears at me. I haven't accomplished anything as a teenager. I'm just another drain on the planet's resources that shouldn't exist. I'm not good at anything, and I know that I won't ever become the best at something. No one seems to want to hire me when I apply for jobs. I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, and I haven't met her in person before. I don't see any point in life.",2.9707194244604302,3.855674165467629,4.6871151079136695,86.21570863309357,73.53237410071942,7.286618705035972,26.849640287769784,7.554174236665415,1.3526051798561154,515,18,111,6,10,175,85,139,0.114,0.8009999999999999,0.085,-0.5948,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,6,5,1,0,6,0,8,2,0,1,1,16,19,12,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,4,6,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,1,0,3,2,2,19,4,21,15,2,20,0,0,1,0,10,12,0,3,7,78,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134466904742668,0.34986102334877794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745654480901156,0.0,0.1559588137651841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684901133612388,0.14195574997050175,0.0,0.1750724986122958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027851134406075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090272324221274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888854686343618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481046674572917,0.13992485779443484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554802691245038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168263274404366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812558023742945,0.0,0.11783339973492585,0.0,0.0,0.14730949216289427,0.1476348360240071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33913472211943696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852393707828294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566511648471375,0.0,0.0,0.1577035056257177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791075698093872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293789070727194,0.1518711740641051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284300011448858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917407455110239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408319864616678,0.0,0.0,0.09839768109391264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throawaysock765,2018/02/18,"This seems like enough Throwaway for obvious reasons. 

I can feel the air around me grow stale and dark as the knowledge sets upon me that I've truly had enough at this point. I've tried so hard and I've tried everything and I've only succeeded in embarrassing myself time and time again. I can't live like this anymore, with this disease clutching my brain like a life-draining parasite and making me hurt others. I'm overdue - a runt-of-the-litter that wasn't meant to survive for so long and I'm doing what should have been finished so long ago.

Man, fuck.",4.584727272727271,5.940970154545461,4.683409090909091,85.97511363636362,70.18181818181819,7.3181818181818175,27.38636363636364,7.6454224807358475,1.4859090909090904,447,15,87,5,8,139,75,110,0.104,0.7759999999999999,0.12,0.2105,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,4,0,8,2,1,2,1,16,15,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,2,7,4,9,10,2,15,0,1,0,1,1,6,1,1,10,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755002995524893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963462895386514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762471618400039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101490243716346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091394622813612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779346744241969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010633357954016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303242245522336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735419917334214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194527749661526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984149947845445,0.2901740017978723,0.0,0.1748229306615086,0.3504180799551957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215542756420073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057526378746194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715826539266506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035598641544984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023661166064872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308913741663817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26883540564921626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Theweatherperson,2018/02/18,"What's the point in life when you've never had anyone to share it with? I'm lonely. I have no friends, no family and no girlfriend. I've never had friends, family or a girlfriend. I've always been alone. All I've ever had is coworkers, fellow students and care givers. I fear that since I missed out on all of that that I will never have anyone in my life. I don't know what the issue is but I seem to lack the social skills to find someone. I keep getting close but it never works out. There is always something that happens and usually it's beyond my comprehension that just causes everything to end abruptly. I hate volunteering, I hate working, I hate waking up everyday. I just want to die now. I don't see things ever being any different. The only people that do show up in my life want something. I don't care about me. All they do is tell me all about themselves and when I reciprocate with about me they tune me out. This is a horrible world. It's never been fun. I've never been happy. Everywhere I've ever went I've been alone doing it. It's always sucked. I don't even want anything other than just someone to share my life with. I can't wake up tomorrow alone again. I don't want to be in this world anymore. 


Please make life stop. ",1.49945395988874,3.8173676205533615,3.1292665788317966,89.31695944956816,82.28063241106719,5.8034841165275965,20.042307129263648,7.0931098945946705,0.4980895622895623,980,27,199,13,27,323,119,253,0.22,0.6859999999999999,0.095,-0.9897,1,5,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,3,16,16,4,1,6,0,26,7,2,2,13,42,46,9,1,5,6,0,0,0,5,1,5,0,0,0,18,11,0,2,3,1,0,1,15,7,0,0,8,1,27,9,27,35,5,36,0,2,1,0,12,16,1,2,19,137,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891008419804776,0.0,0.0,0.23226361675207985,0.0,0.0,0.06327404555924866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227600981226056,0.1301189790144327,0.0,0.0765684155210777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973192161565275,0.09558323049812883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656640912318223,0.09721261301877697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241058478589512,0.0,0.0,0.06145559255600365,0.2524946054977679,0.0,0.0,0.08362318331397052,0.0,0.17542979716287152,0.10470191485925437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504178695298935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377325159877255,0.0,0.048612368052432416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227971769199366,0.0990485316985866,0.0,0.27558913326011075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971151973951559,0.0,0.08270300434261653,0.0,0.0,0.05113530467029671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286034996728292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062108510220953775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305739748942393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076520035791349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450594741509763,0.0,0.0,0.10213588058265057,0.08795795415537774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414511712944448,0.08470501472273889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696809557955248,0.0,0.0,0.094848042178309,0.15767408833198432,0.14326175068913366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779009966994216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132575875902348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181521262285914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247633504474392,0.0,0.21952229123415115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625399466684075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547628211042806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quiet_Icarus,2018/02/18,"I want to seek help but... I know I need help. Badly. I'm in a bad place and it's been getting worse.  I want to reach out to professionals for help but I'm terrified for a few key reasons...

1. My job.  I barely get by as it is and I know getting help and being possibly (likely) commited probably means my job is gone.  Took me forever to land this one. I really can't afford to lose it.

2. My family - I have a fiancee' and a (kinda?) step-son that I want to be with and be there for. We're currently separated geographically and I've been working on moving up there but there's some debt in the way I've really needed to clear up first. Getting commited would just rack up more debt, possibly cost me my job (see point 1) and set me back on being with them even further...

3. Going on my record, which would prevent me from likely working further in my field.  I don't know how to deal with that.

It's bad. My fantasies are starting to be less fantasy and more plan. I need help. No bullshit, no excuses - I need help.  But I don't know how to do it without actually making things worse on the other end...",-0.06370235934664592,2.201665842105264,2.7437507562008463,89.39447368421055,90.14035087719299,6.127283726557772,20.142770719903208,7.503015589744147,0.8361607380520271,844,28,184,17,29,295,119,228,0.157,0.723,0.119,-0.9452,7,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,5,8,6,0,0,6,0,17,0,0,4,3,42,41,15,0,9,6,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,12,0,1,6,2,3,4,6,4,0,2,4,1,25,2,31,30,5,27,0,1,1,0,10,16,0,2,7,119,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.1044893753566253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233376710421136,0.268208484871976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103892230701562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948363245702206,0.0,0.0,0.07072177120740339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094041454899097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910776100441812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376826116329454,0.0,0.06085296938538574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306191312671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187650907952572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538162547000316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462249349404447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978910190845075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147313478226104,0.0,0.0,0.11663564217936115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138033669271353,0.0,0.3175778714612583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255652802554814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187017959549657,0.0,0.1012201176642989,0.2414210729542612,0.0,0.0,0.1154445414498854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718947616137464,0.11009053411677183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532460255746796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578796129726745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113561422855022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118963833425423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946614062958006,0.08499084288369152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321610474778807,0.0,0.1559031851936369,0.0,0.21823635399947447,0.1521254641141768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Taryn96,2018/02/18,"My honest thoughts ( I give up ) I'm so fucking tired . I can't anymore , this is it for  me .
I'm gonna start by saying i went through awful abuse as a kid and I have severe PTSD and get flashbacks all the time and it's killing me .im so depressed that the thought of doing literally anything makes me wanna cry and I can barely function anymore .'my own parents have have spent my whole life telling me I'll never be able to handle life , And treating me like shit , they don't even care about me ?.. Does anyone realize how heartbreaking that is?.. I think today or tomorrow will be it for me. I simply can't handle any more
Of this.. I
Must be worth nothing if even my own parents think so. I don't wanna hurt the few people
Who care ( a few friends ) but in time they'll forget me , eventually lll just become someone they used to know . And that's ok . Maybe it's even better , because I never would have made it anyway, I'm so ao tired of hearing it gets better . Because for me? Every year has just brought more heartache and pain. The truth is I'm a mistake and Always  have been, I'm just not worth shit . .. I just hope rhe few people
Who
Will care know how much I love them .. Because I do. It's just that every day is hell, and I'm losing . It's losing the battle
To
Win the war . I'm
So sorry that I couldn't amount to more .im
Not wanted , and never will be .  Not looking for pity , I guess I just wanted to someone out there in the world to know how broken I feel. Because  I never admitted it elsewhere ",1.7758110599078307,3.5857213967741965,3.1543087557603684,92.16717741935484,78.58064516129029,5.202764976958528,22.361751152073737,5.773587663045528,0.1884654377880186,1163,35,249,6,28,379,154,310,0.219,0.6609999999999999,0.12,-0.9871,2,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,4,5,20,29,7,0,10,2,29,9,2,6,7,56,67,22,2,10,12,2,1,1,1,7,5,2,0,1,18,11,0,0,10,0,3,2,12,15,0,0,7,4,35,14,23,48,12,18,1,6,1,2,16,5,4,4,12,164,53,0,0.0932612469160567,0.11049932740357588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760082843688168,0.0,0.0,0.06342084596734485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498019379224498,0.06521043227570497,0.0,0.07674605983868732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740476200172025,0.10299972005474056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496398820481994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28525817030161005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244310052650646,0.06014578895039861,0.0,0.08032577531175585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161354565269367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847945220608631,0.0,0.15715324570274972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715568862769163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205340802281983,0.08621851998218266,0.09745030459524803,0.0894646860987797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273777784398333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511220329536512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262946131881912,0.0,0.0,0.09983809369862648,0.0,0.2014763007593234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317975190932364,0.0,0.15376182693825433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317463535190995,0.045562734435643855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831595896425064,0.20867095999197174,0.0,0.0,0.08417191650392374,0.08824604679458628,0.06225260650191852,0.0,0.0936934576907502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855774725990449,0.0,0.2877152919806573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948668168569503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923654212549586,0.0,0.20711115595162327,0.0,0.0,0.12931121185098854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901740690329606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416508678000837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535866325660928,0.19146265951840472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803990373557908,0.0,0.0,0.10439833051178113,0.0660107905801885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151444046048631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119516082599414,0.0,0.148078025337958,0.10876276612766694,0.21438016809272825,0.08840075732504579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805477736690225,0.0,0.0,0.11001579949335732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645411023563525,0.0,0.10412285163064236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625011401327249,0.0,0.0,0.06005718532385215
suicidewatch,throwawayimissher,2018/02/18,"I've lost the person I love, and it's my fault. Before her, I never truly felt happy.   There were happy moments, but if I could I would simply have not existed.   Then I met her.  She saw me, the good and the bad, and she accepted me, and she loved me.   She made me happy to be the person I was, because that was who she loved.  Then college started again, and her ex came back into her life.   I stopped giving her what she needed to be happy, and I didn't realize it.   She got distant, and tried to leave me.   I threatened to kill myself, I saw no other way to keep her, and she came back emotionally and cared and helped me.   But that was the beginning of the end.   First she told me she still loved her ex.   I accepted it because I trusted her.   Then she left me on his birthday.   She told me she felt trapped, but she was in love with me.   I had nightly breakdowns talking to her for a week.   Intrusive thoughts about her ex kept coming into my head and torturing me.   And that was the last straw.  It ground her down.   Now she says she doesn't love me like she used to anymore, it was too much, and she wants a ""break.""   She was all I had, and I lost her because of my own weakness and stupidity.   I have lost the only part of my life that was worth living for.   ",1.3896530479896256,3.239675700389107,2.8656274319066166,93.59016618028537,79.9338521400778,5.684111543450066,21.21416990920882,6.6274283507984215,0.2327874189364461,953,27,214,9,24,311,123,257,0.204,0.632,0.165,-0.8156,0,1,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,4,8,25,3,0,10,0,19,10,1,2,2,43,50,22,1,5,5,3,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,12,21,0,3,6,0,1,3,5,9,0,1,28,5,65,16,19,18,4,30,0,3,2,6,51,7,0,1,19,162,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406286952841804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586318108045362,0.07919339410013476,0.17345379540200415,0.0,0.08070792417050676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695970466131995,0.09670297309462723,0.0,0.0,0.08170240654698296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572771773977706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669025829734308,0.08400640751856958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821362429621876,0.0,0.0,0.08067692268613459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098601232261427,0.0,0.07955327498032923,0.07585791653101619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40386614605902144,0.0,0.0,0.09734052162610046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357403380764498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430448957334638,0.1049342996442264,0.0,0.0,0.077313072290187,0.0,0.1004294187643727,0.10305168727951326,0.0,0.13398666968454034,0.04633751816036428,0.0,0.08375175592076588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106105487214566,0.0,0.5136194424549728,0.0897466503398791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972355584093899,0.07032794714935546,0.07315195593670594,0.0,0.0,0.08900760898879731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213551845123625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271020201021848,0.0,0.0,0.1656337158301691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542624686821141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713328875399098,0.0,0.07574504275352646,0.07929644997376323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623453257938813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529802889618369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812609999030832,0.0,0.06439497722523464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191746986645708,0.0,0.0,0.05594329631544645,0.0752852392265322,0.07608064882162699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737668182651156,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eldormilon,2018/02/19,"It's hard to convince yourself that suicide is not an option when you very well know it is. I spent the day with an imaginary Browning 1911 in my mouth. All I had to do was apply a bit of pressure to the trigger and everything would mercifully end. No more suffering the unrelenting and entirely unnecessary torments that plague just about every waking moment of my existence. I pulled the trigger and thought of my mom. Since it was just imaginary and my brain was still intact, I pulled it again. This time I thought of my dad. I did it again and thought of my sister, and then again and my other sister, and then again and I thought of my girlfriend.

I came to the conclusion that doing this for real would indeed solve all of my problems, which unfortunately are not solvable in this world.

It would however, create a mountain of problems for my loved ones, and leaving them in such pain is something I cannot bear to do. I suppose I’m blessed to have people in my life that love me, but somehow it feels like a curse that condemns me to continue suffering this suffocating trap called life.

I don’t know how many people on this subreddit have killed themselves. For those that have, I’m glad their pain is over. I would say I’m jealous, but there is nothing to be jealous of, because they no longer exist. For those who have not killed themselves, I applaud you for sticking with life despite everything, because you just may be saving someone from insurmountable grief.",7.256502707581228,7.4954703610108355,6.753210740072203,77.48086304151624,63.8014440433213,9.524277978339347,36.0850631768953,9.188382445141503,3.1973756317689537,1178,52,213,18,16,366,146,277,0.219,0.711,0.071,-0.9941,1,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,3,3,1,15,20,4,1,10,0,27,10,3,3,2,45,41,16,4,6,8,4,2,1,1,5,5,1,0,0,23,13,0,0,8,0,1,3,7,12,1,1,11,4,32,8,32,23,4,23,1,3,1,2,16,7,0,3,14,161,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802699210567366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255380361254615,0.0,0.0,0.13553936574581418,0.12397835531559195,0.13886648782194685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830267183307991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753770876350874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229742797050992,0.0,0.21824006118773204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613911044499245,0.08673894594903482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876404895432763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686555582548668,0.0,0.13345308774240916,0.0,0.0,0.12856102177663348,0.0,0.0,0.2572771510234536,0.05931726733644161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219163671159208,0.0,0.0,0.12309581800212008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219985547629904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650102844681068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227398958218196,0.0,0.25838837689237143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834783552770613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323556374839712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381969239206216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655413210052176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043579557188692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287458968194793,0.09347124803557544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696222691236617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328083735040184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855599943427718,0.0707981001860005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018014337668574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916672385816904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449991114598905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uggs_are_ugly,2018/02/19,"I wrote my note As the title states, I've written my suicide note. Now I'm just going to do the things I enjoy one last time. I ordered my favourite meal. I've got my PS4 booted it up. I just have to wait for everyone to go to bed so there's no intervention. I don't really want to slit my wrists, but if I can't figure out how to hang myself with my bedsheet, I will. I feel very alone. The two people I reached out to yesterday are avoiding me like the plague, one explicitly told me we would hang out today, just to bail on me. The other one wants to split ways because ""he can't handle it."" He got mad because he called the cops yesterday and I told them I was fine. I didn't want him taking my choice from me. I didn't want my whole family to know. Now they do. This is why I don't tell people about my feelings. I feel like they'll only miss me or regret not talking to me when I'm gone. ",1.0279442086112809,2.519368319587631,3.032753183747726,93.64484232868405,79.72164948453607,6.008004851425106,19.65918738629473,6.794906146795322,0.03660375985445752,690,16,164,7,17,233,114,194,0.132,0.8029999999999999,0.065,-0.8901,0,3,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,3,0,10,8,1,1,6,0,15,2,1,1,1,29,37,8,1,7,7,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,2,5,0,0,5,8,4,0,4,10,3,36,4,21,24,1,21,0,2,0,0,14,5,0,2,10,102,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389922733458434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929354070708684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615908971095933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121461332680314,0.0,0.0,0.1491839733645559,0.0,0.24004779585984165,0.11305379922621328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987419220549006,0.0,0.25313389029405675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869700364851876,0.12899483438487808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546258686620876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32170279444814004,0.1203562215320939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194211860621375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137897317442947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309976538688046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898427145159425,0.1271953191508977,0.13831743551860204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513423811225514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227682117244466,0.0,0.1500024533325449,0.30242922665360633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458721108133136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305727858673283,0.3733596934846486,0.12561144807700356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279596987133186,0.17668042294194042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241622737474144,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neurosthetic,2018/02/19,"College seriously makes me contemplate suicide Please tell me I'm not the only one with the same mentality. I feel like I am. 

Just when I thought I figured out what it is that I want to major in, the doubts and worries about what my future can hold creep back in and makes me have feelings of worthlessness and a want to end it all. On top of that, I'm so tired of the monotony that comes with college - it's literally doing the same shit every. single. day. You wake up, eat, go to class, study for exams, go back to sleep and do it until you graduate; the same cycle repeats just outside of college. 

I hate it. I want to drop out, but I've come so far to get myself to a private college on a full-ride and I can't stand the thought of dropping out and disappointing my family members and the people who got me to where I am. I feel as though ending it all is the only solution for me. I'm currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, but yet I can't seem to figure out how to manage these thoughts. Someone please give me some advice. I just need to talk to someone else who might be in a similar place. ",4.105212922173276,4.6755914449339215,5.38688986784141,83.39537151248166,70.67400881057269,8.344082232011749,28.78972099853157,8.447377352677275,1.9129144787077832,866,31,182,13,15,290,127,227,0.094,0.8420000000000001,0.065,-0.8085,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,0,1,13,7,2,1,15,0,12,5,3,3,2,47,37,17,1,4,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,16,1,1,9,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,4,4,23,1,34,31,8,32,0,2,1,0,7,14,1,4,12,129,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007347489608048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047066267527141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293248223153277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584488756576868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620468079311648,0.11119625926020328,0.0,0.2357917629570285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215084998780084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254841876674413,0.0,0.20191312770054315,0.0950937546351067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954444016128859,0.12769116596991004,0.15129887200474426,0.0,0.10646016417939058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314184898133838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503078408435943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770381265562624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341434932520459,0.14120859170157052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869932028595342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019872783301204,0.2024721871802032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228165958132166,0.0,0.13907153713875825,0.29222944366090176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607137376847814,0.12117827342607368,0.0,0.0,0.13663542174960175,0.0,0.0,0.13320605205992467,0.0,0.22556720933986146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456006496885412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698871292124636,0.11634393859373618,0.0,0.0,0.15455087850102375,0.0,0.0,0.1307798222012661,0.31702322784180065,0.0,0.15299027369503712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553504167400616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351795867616025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stonerxpie,2018/02/19,"What’s the point if things only get worse as we get older? As the title states. 
Friendships, money, your body, everything. ",2.789393939393938,5.822098545454544,2.824545454545458,87.87348484848488,86.27272727272728,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,0.03158787878787893,96,2,16,1,3,29,19,22,0.126,0.769,0.105,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502799003313653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643246366448194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235830932350509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083057219993141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832101149194835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693129343496657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131114457558309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,supergster17,2018/02/19,how do I make sure I stay alive today I really want to kill myself but I also need to stay alive until tomorrow. what do I do,-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,86.5,6.590476190476192,12.904761904761903,7.793537801064563,-0.038395238095237705,97,1,22,2,3,36,19,28,0.102,0.618,0.28,0.4879,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,6,6,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535440578890743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507678643313406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116327421578545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350878969795851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031097777065547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758643308514081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988150330732485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005254837153513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700377892410314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KaffeeKaethe,2018/02/19,"I'll do it I think I'll do it. I changed my plan from overdose to gasing myself with carbonmonoxide. I have an appointment set up with a ""medium"", because I am afraid of punishment in the afterlife (which I really hope doesn't exit at all) and if it calms me enough, I will finally do it. That is the last thing stopping me. ",3.153636363636366,4.40807557575758,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,73.54545454545455,8.916363636363636,26.83636363636364,9.3871,2.233858181818181,252,9,53,6,5,86,50,66,0.077,0.835,0.08800000000000001,0.1761,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,8,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453661264786912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896548233832077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805936283260317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034984072008449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36584467788352004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002462181678702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359680016840481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30794868853998475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447086935200984,0.2360173648748161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilRiku,2018/02/19,"failing university I just finished my first year of university failing 5 papers and I am now in debt over $20000 at the age of 19. I don't even know what to do with my life anymore or what career path I can take to avoid me putting myself in a bigger hole as it is... someone help me. I feel useless whilst all my friends are doing so well for themselves in life and secretly Im here failing miserably. I don't even have any work experience so it is tough to even be able to find a job. Im skinny and broke with no talent at all, and my parents are annoying about school so i had to lie to them about passing all my papers. Now I'm stuck with no hope on what the future holds for me and what I can do to get myself back on track. Life is a bitch",2.8851383399209496,3.3962975590062143,4.483399209486167,88.98778656126484,73.40993788819874,7.34522868435912,25.81648785996613,7.348242739294969,1.001454658385093,581,18,135,6,11,196,95,161,0.215,0.7040000000000001,0.081,-0.9671,3,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,5,14,14,2,2,5,0,16,4,1,0,3,20,23,10,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,4,0,1,2,4,10,1,1,2,1,19,4,25,20,3,20,0,6,0,0,5,9,1,2,9,95,25,9,0.1863758366416937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674196001611493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483474926731128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331151408363532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692984470483803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231133095472726,0.0,0.0,0.09423722297335152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703441382075385,0.15853119143728436,0.0,0.0,0.14399350906412026,0.0,0.09737368226630604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249237946669014,0.0,0.0,0.1851132589563523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026357716543398,0.0,0.18494925960351252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242728566906507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39492829562501297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694831049737053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873591931763982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886222968124304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791564157405702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401314343954968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757425997904848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356838288006542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001992822541885
suicidewatch,shadowlady92,2018/02/19,"I’m afraid to die, but I don’t want to live. Not sure why I’m posting here. But here goes..
I was physically and sexually abused  from when I was 4 until I was 11 by my moms ex husband (step father). They divorced when I was 13. My mom never knew about the sexual abuse. During the divorce process she became addicted to pain killers and booze often leaving me to care for my little sisters who were 11, 2 and 4 at the time. She lost custody of my sisters to her pedophile ex husband. She ended up meeting an amazing dude after the divorced (my current step dad). I was about 14 at the time, out and about doing stupid shit and I ended up pregnant. My mom and step dad moved to japan (military) and I was left here, with my grandparents. She straight up fucking ditched me. We have a good relationship now but man does that fuck with me. Anyway, ended up bouncing around from my grandparents house to my boyfriends house, ended up with a second kid at 17, he walked out on use and moved several states away. Met a man, got married, had another baby(19) he was abusive. I left him and now I’m with another man. Sometimes things are good, other times.. not so much. I have 5 kids now. I’m a stay at home parent and I love my kiddos with all my heart but fuck dude. Sometimes I seriously just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I have flashbacks all the time, my husband is always working so I’m always alone (just moved to a new city).  Even when he’s here he hardly pays attention to me. My family hardly ever reaches out and when I do, no one answers.  My ex husband is really good at making me feel like a piece of shit parent and my kids are really good at telling me they hate me. I’m at a loss of what to do. I just don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way. I just want to sleep and not wake up. At the same time, I’m afraid to die. 

Sorry if this post is all over the place. I have a million thoughts running through my head. 
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suicidewatch,OneManArmy1357,2018/02/19,"I have a friend that could be suicidal or just depressed or none, I need advice on how to deal with the situation. I don't know if this is the best place to ask this but I'm asking because I worry about a friend of mine. He's a very different person, almost 2 years younger than me and smarter than most people at my age. He's also very private in a way that doesn't reveal much about himself and it's usually hard to read him. But I know that he had of phase of sadness maybe depression and don't know if it passed but maybe it's back. I also heard that a girl he liked kind of rejected him and today I was talking to him and he said he was depressed, btw he's very sarcastic and I couldn't tell if he was serious. I think he doesn't really want to reveal his feelings and also he doesn't have many friends. This situation is a bit tricky to explain but I'll try my best: my ex-girlfriend who I used to talk to said that he used to talk to her explaining his feelings and she told and asked me to keep a secret. I cut my losses with her later but remain friends. Today he asked me to promise to never talk to her again, I'm not and wasn't going to. It seems like something happened and he won't tell me about it, he said that he would only tell me until ""something"" happened. How do I deal with a person smarter than average and with the situation.

This could be a bit unrelated but we usually discuss music and we were talking about the new MGMT album and he said his favourite song was ""When you die"" which has some kinda of suicidal and uncommon lyrics like ""Baby, I’m ready, I'm ready, ready, ready to blow my brains out"".",4.397711757269279,4.532873575221243,5.359991571849979,85.38628318584072,69.88495575221239,8.463042562157607,27.94226717235567,8.269060116576782,1.6432302570585753,1278,40,278,17,21,421,156,339,0.161,0.708,0.13,-0.8912,1,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,2,1,0,3,13,19,1,0,13,0,25,1,1,4,1,63,56,33,3,9,13,0,3,3,4,2,0,6,0,3,17,22,0,1,12,2,0,2,11,8,0,0,13,9,37,11,37,36,8,21,0,6,0,0,62,5,0,10,16,172,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637145804194229,0.0,0.0,0.0782602222109309,0.0,0.0,0.18749984880616188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922548075632597,0.0,0.0,0.060095817261907936,0.0,0.047642123779515176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403619056949278,0.0,0.1706484642921396,0.0,0.0,0.0872460238231316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479966646115692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161147262189799,0.20194250092577645,0.0,0.08111180382936274,0.08165458846937547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903430463753494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24152721190477985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044416878477087966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382231436617886,0.0,0.07001088395208588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946711517231763,0.0,0.08138565607477594,0.1288546453833942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454670067285765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923617327589942,0.15703295812599466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057452388459242186,0.05795040844422041,0.060277398912596786,0.07548189078198915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943985182316031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418233731655367,0.13648260575710838,0.08165458846937547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817542981122999,0.0,0.05006763312078028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973704703026032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114872138188155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635460562841079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033396626900633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709761950690076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140872497776482,0.20493085692939167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007810699057366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816223849000507,0.074679763914364,0.0,0.05306162604225565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500040964929008,0.17215179607016962,0.1934563983139412,0.046097419341862365,0.062035229803211585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936946519448994,0.0,0.055518558264904684,0.0,0.0,0.050328794029855926
suicidewatch,EXMOOSEONTHELOOS,2018/02/19,"Motivation What get's you up in the morning?, for me i barely have any motivation to even just get out of bed.",0.01463768115942088,2.32551539130435,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,90.7391304347826,6.544927536231885,20.71014492753623,7.793537801064563,1.0799101449275366,86,3,19,2,3,31,21,23,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.5478,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,14,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819972987505542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681450244456308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7406205776806155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway17717171,2018/02/19,"Can't take it anymore. Hi there. Thanks for looking. I am seriously considering suicide due to me mostly having learning difficulties through my whole life and now I fucked up. Badly. I can't turn this around. I am super fucking stupid and really have nothing in life to atone for. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to die, I just wanna shorten my fucking pain before I eventually starve to death as a hobo on the streets. My parents don't give a shit about me and I have no one to go to.",0.8255610561056095,3.213601712871288,2.880618811881188,89.40099422442246,86.32673267326733,5.346864686468646,23.26815181518152,6.816661863887847,0.7939498349834988,387,15,81,5,12,130,68,101,0.301,0.591,0.109,-0.9672,1,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,5,0,3,0,11,7,1,0,0,10,21,4,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,0,1,14,2,17,21,2,8,0,0,1,3,3,5,4,1,2,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815742958806608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889656036753847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584134690865908,0.0,0.0,0.16144303948459926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969058627712072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261965003979224,0.0,0.18200267855871705,0.10782578324276904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141778091713748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680184805471175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932224128803604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204742532875146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285633970330051,0.0,0.20188207509947956,0.0,0.210668515066202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154347494600608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475123870579705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752969120391995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265050595120132,0.0,0.0,0.17467441313682525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636764643806546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190544037376828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182254945850945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mb397,2018/02/19,"How can I break my pattern of feeling suicidal? I have been feeling suicidal during depressive episodes (and in between episodes) for the last 4 1/2 years. The episodes started a few months into my PhD and I just assumed I'd stop feeling suicidal after I completed my degree, because I'd finally have my life back, but the thoughts are still there. 

Does anyone have any recommendations? Thank you!",5.7148356807511735,8.199599380281697,5.6447183098591545,75.66923708920191,69.28169014084507,8.67699530516432,38.593896713615024,9.2995712137729,4.133251643192488,320,19,51,7,6,100,51,71,0.168,0.737,0.095,-0.7432,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,12,4,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,9,1,6,10,1,12,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789165843779833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417826349805019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591886339545122,0.0,0.12360770063369912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126021910789203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464690361814306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744681562326445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075822788455174,0.0,0.0,0.22212640395388006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528593806613046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432235955133354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618503766411588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352279994150732,0.0,0.16193368177615197,0.16952615813834368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6653977402451318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668486921176944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097802055935104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057827846819053
suicidewatch,HarunIsGone,2018/02/19,"Does anyone feel like their narrator inside their head is getting out of control? The voice of sort of ""conscious thought"", like a layer above the impulsive thoughts that just happens. I am increasingly thinking with this voice in everything I do, I would say 80-90% of the time now, I am aware of what I'm thinking. It used to be gone when around people but it's not anymore. It always evaluates what I say, in a conversation the narrating thoughts tells me what will happen next. What will happen in the far and distant future, and in the past, and at the moment. Even getting a spoon is like ""Getting that spoon? Grabbing that spoon.""

I think it is the main reason for my suicide. It's always just horrible. I sometimes have to force new thoughts in to battle the other, like if my narration paints a horrible picture I will have to insert a new thought manually. It's tearing me apart and I can't be around people anymore.",4.445032467532466,6.3004972045454535,4.867402597402599,82.55681818181822,71.27272727272727,7.5285714285714285,30.75324675324676,8.192908349453996,2.3048405844155844,732,32,134,11,14,232,98,176,0.11,0.8340000000000001,0.056,-0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,1,7,5,1,0,14,0,15,1,1,3,0,28,33,7,1,2,5,0,2,4,0,4,0,4,0,0,15,8,0,1,11,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,6,15,4,20,21,2,22,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,2,13,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797722515945485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478818086694854,0.08738492248946063,0.0,0.0,0.22250721086921008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016928198594122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936583476088592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254433338974454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231882462592548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631907511093619,0.08928165072229118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588170979207065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315430296531327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282596665319633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422448237933106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414018770984904,0.13291156475981833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930209155388627,0.17328286027674086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849437444856535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876912737809604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236027586691555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670157835614438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923302933026513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402354174721086,0.0,0.4960780934498857,0.07287350778187095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793765219968487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877814294331267,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wburton95,2018/02/19,"Why does my family constantly tell me I'm worthless? I've been really depressed lately because my job sucks and so I've been taking notice of little things that usually fly over my head because I feel so emotional right now. I'be realized now more then ever how often my family tells me I'm worthless. They tell me that what I like is worthless, my hobbies are worthless, my friends are worthless, I can't travel anywhere because I am to dangerous and I can't ever do something like get a new car, go to school or get a house.",6.303108974358977,6.294326682692307,7.054615384615384,75.3570512820513,65.82692307692308,10.01025641025641,34.641025641025635,9.725611199111238,3.3667871794871784,421,18,76,8,6,140,66,104,0.21,0.7,0.09,-0.9257,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,11,2,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,2,9,17,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,8,0,0,2,1,15,3,4,15,1,15,0,6,0,0,5,3,1,2,11,47,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971491286015816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558920228376906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399486034096573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219223766064534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827744224901916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293955043216208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063539130158468,0.0,0.08215759811409216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255359663142156,0.0,0.1697840322987174,0.0,0.0923443071496322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667570958120698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748655892525384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124187940365278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329082660730306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587645068359584,0.16285325097524792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692959851292956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849909249098461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409243174405876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876180886490178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444409510300245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508934804379268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216894457376055,0.0,0.4260587111380858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794820821309947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789549252190812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661797492842804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purplehayes0117,2018/02/19,"It's like I'm not allowed to be happy I've only wanted to die once before, but in hindsight I'm pretty sure I never would have done it, given the circumstances at the time. Now though, I've never felt more unwanted or worthless in my life. In the past 3 weeks I've basically watched my life fall apart in front of my eyes. I've gone from waking up in the morning with a smile on my face and hopefulness and excitement for the day, to not even waking up. This is because I'm to sad, angry and wound up to sleep these days, I wouldn't have the motivation to go to work except for the fact I'm so irritated I simply have to get out of bed and get the first bus of the morning to work because I cannot stand to lie there and be tormented by my own mind any longer. This whole situation of me feeling like this began with my girlfriend, who was my first real one who I wanted some kind of a future with. She decides to break up with me, over text, while I'm at work, understandably this causes me a great deal of stress and emotion, so much so that I go home as I cannot cope with being in the office any longer. The next day my boss calls me and has a meeting with me regarding me leaving early the previous day, it dosent end well, as I was going though a lot of shit at work at the time anyway, this did NOT help. long story short, I've been told I'm basically going to lose my job within the next month, and now I have no girlfriend, and also, timed perfectly along with all this, my friends for some reason that i cannot figure out have decided to distance themselves from me and not want to associate with me. I've gone from enjoying life and having a great love, social life and a (relatively) stable job, to hating myself and my life. All this shit in so little time is just too much. I honestly don't know what to do, it feels like as soon as my life gets good, something (or in this case a whole fucking load of things) has t come along and fuck it up for me. It really is like I'm not allowed to be happy, and I don't want to do this anymore.",8.743101604278074,4.942547955710957,8.884864938982584,76.30928835870016,63.615384615384606,11.958919511860687,34.792403674756606,9.325443323948027,2.7952968874262987,1599,41,353,20,17,532,200,429,0.117,0.7070000000000001,0.175,0.984,4,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,9,16,28,5,1,22,0,29,17,7,6,7,72,63,30,1,8,10,0,3,4,3,2,7,0,2,0,22,28,0,0,10,0,0,9,14,9,1,3,11,5,35,19,71,46,11,62,0,3,2,3,13,25,4,6,30,236,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610842169250564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243219711290636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819830187267684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007855407627156,0.0,0.07034315763320664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441180493915545,0.0,0.0,0.08492133320281403,0.0,0.07120992544183125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325238084223527,0.08522559803060947,0.0,0.0,0.08579484249080238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459659661011737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298875834648312,0.07321803933147834,0.0,0.0,0.05460048614622761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359739763662799,0.11811402026490772,0.07937286568256895,0.0,0.0,0.14063227491475094,0.0,0.0,0.06386798260030767,0.15284781345255288,0.12956960390366573,0.0,0.1879252544249483,0.0693367921389818,0.0,0.18228035820247004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600018998708825,0.0,0.08161611784372133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055409655587997264,0.0,0.0829213043234475,0.0821065510449215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406761903464545,0.0,0.0,0.08608450575991676,0.045431381882606384,0.0,0.0,0.08753195560114765,0.0,0.0,0.3503390351035278,0.16154683088614066,0.08285361482506752,0.0,0.07315730813825687,0.0,0.09248274028714833,0.0,0.07028015687752685,0.07460980189867727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346966446612661,0.0,0.06598366302746839,0.0,0.12153887315712042,0.0,0.12751510141090974,0.0,0.17583365816468086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880371931524304,0.056017003472087816,0.06287164733227876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891458964660138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410161517189096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409264831336032,0.052958317959754496,0.08499499631090048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971208083394618,0.0,0.0929206819907263,0.08272626521471789,0.084268151970616,0.0,0.06364076000616319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946942702311128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791225863833419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491999214497549,0.0,0.16243895962457533,0.0,0.19281415397875895,0.0,0.0,0.07899144489206589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860588089443545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503552602467727,0.0,0.06631013159984167,0.0,0.0743271692603548,0.0,0.0,0.18458853394232635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240728973779628,0.0,0.0,0.05872395553764809,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ALIVESINCEFOREVER,2018/02/19,"i hate myself and everything i do i just want to sleep and never wake up

i have failed my parents and the rest of my family and they like to remind me every day that i'm a miserable piece of shit with no future

i'm tempted to slit my wrists but i don't want anyone to find out",2.880967741935482,2.964654032258068,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,73.19354838709677,8.135483870967743,21.951612903225808,8.07648339933343,0.7998258064516128,218,4,51,3,4,76,44,62,0.175,0.752,0.073,-0.7311,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,1,1,5,2,1,2,0,3,4,4,0,1,12,8,5,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,9,8,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441688419589336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977639499416866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583659401488838,0.0,0.2755973425019693,0.0,0.28908242892536257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802726415934821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027534938636199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981375237371986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365074662485716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404986532952463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147719272909216,0.0,0.0,0.3068715651974744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617403552847527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,misfrightning,2018/02/19,"What is it that makes this day worth it? When I wake up I usually just lay there for an hour or so trying to convince myself it makes logical sense to live another day. Either I dread on it for some unbearable minutes or I end up distracting myself enough to worry about something else, hopping from topic to topic in my head on oh how do I go on with this or how do I go on with that? Does it ever get better? and what is it that makes a day worth it to you when you know in all endings it doesn't really matter anyway. ",3.811324675324677,4.018364600000004,5.342207792207791,84.75045454545456,71.18181818181819,8.467532467532468,24.80519480519481,8.418075326091056,1.3709740259740264,406,10,88,6,7,138,67,110,0.08800000000000001,0.833,0.079,-0.2423,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,10,4,0,2,2,0,5,2,2,5,2,19,12,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,2,19,12,4,20,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,4,10,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184389856425928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867728546376704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908739023109963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679600200003473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876841091680966,0.0,0.3578735598327178,0.208748855996608,0.0,0.0,0.1827458279839589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555125444152803,0.0,0.22963425542935645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733894008386106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989568145138968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102926622249737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839436251919216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045656338883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294242644576128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553096983896947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716370224406613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250522136417125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516916844082825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chroniccunt,2018/02/19,"It's okay to ignore this I have attempted suicide before. I don't want pity or support I think. I just want evidence that I was here. I existed and it didn't go well. I know I might just be crybaby for letting myself feel this way. I can't tell the difference between self pity and self loathing anymore. I used to love video games and reading and art but now...I just stare at the wall. The ceiling light tints my room orange. I can hear my brother rushing to get out, fumbling around and crashing into things in his hurry. I hear my mom in the kitchen playing with the dogs. I hear my dad laughing and telling her to quit before they break something. And I sit in my room alone. 

I love my girlfriend, but I have lost the kindness I once offered. Now I hurt her on purpose. I just want her to leave so I can finish. I hurt my family. I laugh at my mother's pain and taunt my brother into a screaming fit.  I am bad and I have worked very hard at being bad. I just want them to put me on the back burner. I want them to forget me until there's nothing left in the pan. 

I guess this might be my suicide note. I'm still trying to work up the courage. I need to go somewhere they couldn't find me. I'm sick of bitching about my life and my stupid fucking feelings. I am ashamed of myself. I separated my dad from his family. I stole things just because. I hurt people just to see if I can. I am a nuisance. Can't you see that? Can't you see how frustrating this is? What more can I do to alienate myself? What more can I do to make you hate me like I do? 

I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I'm a miserable waste of life and I'm too stupid to stop. What can I say to make you understand the gravity of my desire to die? What can I say that doesn't just sound like melodramatic rambling? I don't control my body anymore...I'm just a passenger. I watch through my eyes like windows of a control station. I examine everything with detached disinterest. I am happy for you that your life is reaching something stable. I am happy that you are growing into yourself. 

Brother if you read this please open your eyes. Just because you have feelings doesn't make you the only person who feels. Expand your perspective and fucking stop acting like a baby. 

My mother is a loving mother. My mother makes mistakes.

Father, I wished you loved me. I have always felt this way. Even when I was five. I asked mom why you didn't love me and she told me that people express love differently. I waited. I watched. It's okay. I don't love me either. I understand. It can be hard to love even blood when it's like me.

I guess my point is that I've been through this cycle too many times already and I just get more exhausted. I don't think this is a ""cry for help"". I'm just tired. I'm just shooting shit out here.
",0.5856922839188243,2.918185702276709,2.254029823838465,93.85839510147318,86.8984238178634,4.899979396311942,21.70704131039456,6.37848985222837,0.3493209848562886,2160,76,463,22,68,705,246,571,0.218,0.607,0.17600000000000002,-0.9752,1,1,2,1,0,2,73.0,0,14,4,7,30,48,8,2,19,2,49,24,5,8,0,81,107,24,3,12,19,12,7,5,1,2,8,7,4,3,27,23,1,6,12,6,0,6,12,24,1,1,8,23,110,24,48,91,4,43,0,7,8,10,62,23,4,7,15,305,137,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702005042851197,0.0714091004487327,0.0,0.05384390858496405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641749375954137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760562442523006,0.06049512015688437,0.0,0.0,0.04975800010267914,0.10806030370591067,0.07889323776334002,0.0,0.11012689753277954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187822854899034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515554767854272,0.0,0.0,0.07108090275603182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671587695642861,0.13521636634830303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548069699144456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815718063256415,0.0,0.12200566873457835,0.0,0.13087729287816274,0.0,0.06213175339303342,0.0,0.059143772924448924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119646715164323,0.06761661438281273,0.0,0.07355237500778647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257073358316516,0.0,0.0,0.13777000877273698,0.11593490960259048,0.06388773371296433,0.0,0.0,0.21879863834198096,0.0,0.043373752818180185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782019852191425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738551313274449,0.03556292684106435,0.0,0.0,0.06851855268991261,0.07030761057387099,0.06617036510470553,0.1371197722661156,0.15807020087609155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063861535946604,0.0,0.4672264530108529,0.0,0.17277772524768334,0.06560578918188979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729418010240876,0.0,0.15157515326658125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047981649317639576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209099574465779,0.0,0.0,0.06891404420544818,0.0,0.049214875308713706,0.06885600850046605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972354045909117,0.056502281029637426,0.0,0.07103215425092352,0.0611718715452261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505142879077049,0.0,0.06882705641501216,0.12945503437024633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291998766551223,0.0,0.0,0.1546964896228483,0.0,0.13501329742635718,0.0,0.0664238909828663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963384772477776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516774941721391,0.10820092463938004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156448683811898,0.07343214766386043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311879444892405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598090490887539,0.08292711760351992,0.0,0.0,0.03773292473023791,0.0743746323700841,0.0,0.0618331835695715,0.0,0.04393384622014966,0.0,0.0,0.13473079618953618,0.0,0.055888668323751466,0.0,0.05339253171435232,0.1908381898152099,0.102727581104866,0.0,0.0,0.058182066518240816,0.0,0.058390715181520135,0.0,0.07441331306318456,0.0,0.0,0.09421930974024627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onetwofiveseventeen,2018/02/19,"Numb and want to sleep forever I know I have a bright future ahead of me. But this numbness has stolen all the light from me. I’ve been depressed my entire college life. My depression reminds me every day of things I should’ve done and things I should’ve done better. 

Working on my thesis just makes me break down. I’m way past my dead line and I don’t even know what to write anymore. I’m so dumb. 

I’m tired of myself and I think I’m going to off myself soon. ",0.09955782312925264,2.3557118469387746,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,88.6938775510204,4.082993197278912,16.329931972789115,5.46131890053228,-0.7919823129251706,363,8,82,2,12,116,65,98,0.252,0.6809999999999999,0.067,-0.9665,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,1,0,2,0,6,5,1,1,1,13,16,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,2,16,2,11,13,1,11,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,5,49,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224407669216659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837105421107606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465197756535395,0.0,0.3863705988759422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590641359921797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814499638200146,0.0,0.1889785483607498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747224476312732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465337721207473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842647428964907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971892124528602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141153389435639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445738354982792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980237947269293,0.14371943572913135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577945672221548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229523826906367,0.17803524850335864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632897226139894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HonestDecision,2018/02/19,"I don't want to work. Why shouldn't I kill myself? I can't afford university and I'm lazy, so I'll probably be poor and miserable. I don't really think the odds of me being rich and successful is high enough for me to be miserable working. Is this just natural selection? I don't want to adapt to human life so I die, and suicide seems a lot better than starvation.",0.7026169590643292,3.054346250000002,3.540175438596492,84.721783625731,86.5,8.114619883040936,21.60233918128655,8.841846274778883,1.9533584795321643,289,10,60,9,9,102,51,76,0.273,0.544,0.184,-0.7918,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,4,3,6,1,2,2,0,10,1,0,0,0,11,15,6,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,9,3,7,11,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297119444705445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26956092386398145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683727004947501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27442123459483503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28735509730343184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834564705491999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081495189227324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800351443078962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663910405458732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23645035817213786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841047722135961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642584862416318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063934559186689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23436783061283725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37817613908330977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiltronMS3,2018/02/19,"Revenge Suicide? Honestly I think I'm *broken* as a person. I remember when I was maybe 5 or 6, I would wake up and be excited that everyone was already wake, and I could go watch teenage mutant ninja turtles. My Dad and Mom divorced when I was in third grade, and I think this is where all of this started.
 
Things are different being a 31 year old, living in a 3rd floor apartment.
 
**Current Situation :**

*I have no job, I got fired for getting a phone number from a new girl that started, I work in IT so I had access to the employee info. (I asked her very respectfully if I could take her out for lunch)

*I kicked out my girlfriend right before Christmas because she was talking to some other person. (Honestly she was a mean snappy person anyways, that didn't appreciate me, but I enjoyed having someone to be there for me, even if she was a distraction of how I felt inside. It made me feel better knowing that I was helping her get her life on track again.)

*My Dad and I don't talk very often, and when we do he's always asking for help fixing his computer or getting his groceries (I live 2 1/2 hours away from him)

*My Mom is very stubborn, never really can ask or talk about deep down - about feelings or how she really feels about things.

*I had been on Prozac (8 months) and then changed to Cymbalta (took that for about 3 months) and I just weened off about 30 days ago. I wanted to get off of it because it generally made me that I didn't care about consequences (probably had something to do with messaging the girl about a lunch date).

I've noticed I'm easily irritated, generally down , and have been staying up til 4 am. 

**I sometimes think that if would be satisfying, to break-in to my old job, and shoot myself in the cube of the girl that got me fired.**

I suppose I'm just looking for some help or input on what I should focus on, or should I go back and ask for some other anti-depressant? Any feedback would help, thank you for reading.",2.2082997000272684,4.455508774611404,3.6871229888191976,86.72007362967005,79.12953367875646,6.550204526861192,24.406599400054546,7.669130373188453,1.3161720207253889,1521,55,302,24,38,501,206,386,0.07200000000000001,0.815,0.113,0.9501,5,0,1,1,1,1,65.0,1,1,0,2,22,10,1,1,12,0,36,6,2,4,2,59,70,30,1,11,12,4,6,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,19,15,2,1,11,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,20,8,51,8,49,39,4,47,0,0,2,0,39,22,0,13,21,211,70,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910521393709936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847773543360967,0.0,0.07425420781134705,0.0,0.0,0.060685752599420224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33370662284766617,0.0,0.08384321634349448,0.06861947761595309,0.0,0.10879884142409672,0.0,0.07593603204078574,0.0,0.0,0.07892486786730966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909853665402078,0.0,0.09440329761696516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250056508737938,0.0,0.0,0.057551935999406265,0.0,0.07686163837101387,0.0,0.0,0.0932360264158638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058941685374174366,0.0,0.0,0.08527193108886373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353661438948097,0.0,0.08568367804966535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649530718812496,0.0,0.10143344869230862,0.0,0.14274556654627746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23926076244907155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788268892743165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711237873104746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049043559976133334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303232394323854,0.0,0.0,0.15759979175366792,0.0,0.0749384975523346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888067896194686,0.0,0.0,0.08965282482249985,0.09720770856529423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090318705584553,0.14245984167924078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882681380976187,0.08618782722183882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159948170914576,0.18728317001158648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337608224021891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621500881743553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926340301972123,0.0,0.11433790192891903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109067818767507,0.07620983498822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030866003616164,0.0,0.0,0.07561212999170487,0.06870073726469512,0.08825990366241801,0.0,0.12632800603461167,0.09511717068809647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761325933273544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709681275282271,0.2151813951873962,0.0,0.08215951505254411,0.0,0.0,0.11857318958999505,0.17154273117109825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914809429904292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089519035762825,0.05263562388870493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496723946269765,0.0,0.0,0.1901790160965188,0.0,0.0,0.057467153501191415
suicidewatch,OrangePiII,2018/02/19,"feeling depressed I am not advocating anyone else to commit suicide.

This is the right thing to do for me. I am dealing with depression over years of porn and masturbation addiction. Still depressed, and I am not good at anything, I have supportive parents but I cant feel anything. I just wanted to be normal, and feel like myself again.

I am not going back to medication. I regret my pmo addiction, and wish I never got into that mess, word of advice for anyone ""dont do pmo"" not worth it.

",3.786063829787235,5.826049680851067,5.311648936170212,77.90875,73.46808510638297,7.67872340425532,27.707446808510642,8.472884824447931,2.2347063829787244,386,15,68,7,8,130,63,94,0.198,0.691,0.111,-0.8317,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,0,2,22,19,5,1,4,6,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,7,5,0,0,1,3,12,3,12,17,0,10,0,4,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597958279650491,0.0,0.1612572082803522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307738945657227,0.16908414171588673,0.2715974500317235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689143260377922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013003476035285,0.42639861497156456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934040989546436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785438079396586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503196544426673,0.1178914717978076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378558439737114,0.13841229782323858,0.13198285724550735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062122352081606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662419118249042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727483958350375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168614127366154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323696991030314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409275540434109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178647162957635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050685823022616,0.1872645684515323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963302562344207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733402166965338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897667084668983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626850697173122
suicidewatch,hatemylife1234,2018/02/19,"The thoughts are really bad. I’m having really really bad thoughts of suicide. Have a plan and all that, and my dad keeps telling me how lazy I am and how I never do anything, and he won’t stop yelling and making sure I know that I’m a horrible person. He’s telling me to do chores and as I’m doing one chore he’ll tell me to do two more and if I don’t manage to do all them he yells at me and along with these thoughts of suicide it’s super stressful. I already cut this morning and did it again in the bathroom before I started typing this. I’m having a panic attack and I feel like my heart is going to explode. I can’t stop crying and if my dad sees he’s going to make fun of me, or think I’m begging for attention. I want to run away from this dumb family. I want to leave. I’m tired of being here. I don’t want to be alive. ",2.1831187290969893,2.7521802717391317,4.1669565217391344,90.39710702341141,75.08695652173913,6.965886287625418,23.936454849498325,7.010146845296331,0.6900013377926424,646,18,152,6,13,222,100,184,0.249,0.659,0.092,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,4,11,3,2,5,0,18,2,1,4,4,37,41,17,2,5,3,2,1,1,0,2,1,2,2,1,8,13,0,3,7,0,0,3,5,7,0,2,4,4,20,4,20,33,3,11,0,0,1,0,12,3,1,3,6,95,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080597601477186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124582440479011,0.0,0.0,0.15546869306788902,0.12839509374606348,0.0,0.2282081620748344,0.0,0.0,0.11628625877897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011286865082896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882940575664084,0.0,0.06909860846389068,0.09762880988061952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533227041863126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194089783819302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146829188722495,0.0,0.0,0.07510389934205948,0.0,0.0,0.14470154572161706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676440613919843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244112673212776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539940613851356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926032890895222,0.0,0.0,0.16033922320187352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932487013826565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626406692835117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088990756875194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096727540312364,0.0,0.0,0.22850513370711514,0.15654177013774925,0.0,0.0,0.2989642842788636,0.0,0.1287989532303052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35833647452396433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756520408255983,0.0,0.3254745861857172,0.0,0.15706876231220507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349542911367412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418140485886972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wandering-spaceghost,2018/02/19,"Does anyone know a quick and painless way to kill yourself? [Serious] I'm failing Algebra 2, I can't learn it for shit. I don't have any tutors and I'm a useless cripple who'll likely never amount to anything. I just learned from my mom that I'm a whiney brat who avoids problems so does anyone who a quick and painless way to die so I can stop disappointing people? 

I plan on doing this at least tomorrow so let's get as many in here as possible. Don't give me pity, just help me euthanize myself. I don't have a car and my mom won't let me drive so I can't just buy pills. I need something you can use from scratch.",1.3756818181818176,3.1134412651515184,3.2712121212121232,91.2018181818182,79.53030303030303,6.218181818181819,23.87878787878788,7.1686216300943375,0.8138969696969705,485,17,109,6,12,163,82,132,0.233,0.7,0.067,-0.973,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,10,10,2,1,5,0,14,2,1,1,1,16,22,10,2,2,3,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,1,2,7,9,0,0,0,1,15,1,11,18,2,12,0,4,0,0,8,3,1,0,6,66,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260683966869698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213302953639266,0.0,0.1483674919551077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711783221860412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155548859056829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941967399593446,0.17295547319206805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084799431524135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946979745297144,0.0,0.09908546301580104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687278774115727,0.0,0.08808307096210563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827909166941341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223188465401549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368652023911487,0.1390546835825408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499390994360478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032556173208428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251804595836676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850703127659506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387999640464906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073476326266708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557170646539988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286219691190194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garj27,2018/02/19,"I'm comlienting suicide Why I'm complicating suicide.

All my life I have found it difficult and hard to connect with people. That's because most people don't know I'm partially autistic (SPD). This has affected a lot of my relationships with the people I know. Majority of people have found me difficult and end up keeping their distance away from me. I know because the amount of times I've caught people speaking behind my back as disheartening.

This has affected me other ways as I have never been in a relationship, sometimes I get stressed when I have to talk to someone I don't know. I get paranoid of them, especially if I don't know who they are.

Thinking about this effects me everyday, people talking about their lives with there partners i.e. buying houses, sex lives and what they're planning in the future.

My mum also passed away when I was 18, and I miss her everyday. She was the only one would could instead me and give me support when I found things difficult. 

The last girl I have feelings for was someone I worked with. Ever since I met her she awalys spoke about her partner... I wanted someone in my life who spoke about about me like that. I could never see it happening. 

And today I have just realised I may have deleted an important file without realising... I think I'm about to loose my job. I'm planning to buy some sleeping pills soon...",4.522303732303733,6.50014197683398,5.120386100386104,80.31898326898327,71.31660231660231,7.713256113256112,30.48005148005148,8.418075326091056,2.4235812097812097,1088,47,195,18,21,349,139,259,0.121,0.8440000000000001,0.035,-0.961,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,4,4,16,8,0,1,8,0,21,5,1,3,4,40,50,13,2,5,3,1,2,1,2,2,3,3,0,3,12,10,0,1,12,0,2,2,6,6,0,1,11,6,42,2,31,35,6,24,0,2,1,1,24,6,0,5,16,138,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221699676355795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318646936493986,0.07905442556010127,0.0,0.1253438558440278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417059275825166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105900804515264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299739175136493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198374726673954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381770689890474,0.0,0.0,0.10742780251058216,0.09862457249168607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091440735111098,0.0,0.09209742817317908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862875885863235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202290841187407,0.09138211502027277,0.0,0.0,0.2825080134706694,0.08380374640007555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523526946502036,0.05022769766727984,0.0,0.18156595529927588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874052546197305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858658264101375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966661244146699,0.07819152073061086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427652413817374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207585983516447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819261364876812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504536708248307,0.0,0.1028840941182347,0.0,0.2613313468513021,0.0,0.101681566611055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776833132292858,0.0,0.0,0.2249145697898625,0.1166673949763196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526931981778797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830229342701068,0.1317527961729363,0.0,0.0,0.059949248022347336,0.0,0.09745171284117264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606399109274437,0.08160567041144634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276989503583394,0.0,0.0,0.09910502284026138,0.0,0.07484679240337247,0.0,0.0,0.0730331648944732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuffyPuffy,2018/02/19,It hurts Everything hurts I have cut marks form selfharm pls stop me,0.4842307692307699,0.4240064615384647,0.20057692307692496,99.41317307692309,138.23076923076923,4.3769230769230765,18.634615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.3853230769230773,56,2,11,1,4,16,12,13,0.5589999999999999,0.3720000000000001,0.069,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641634524084679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8675400028083826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387614550936652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AllyErza,2018/02/19,"It's less that I want to die, and more that I don't want to be alive anymore I don't really know why I'm posting this but anyways, here it is. I'm a freshman in college right now, and for the first time in 5 years I have something resembling friends. But I know that when this year ends, that will end too. That I'm just going to be alone again, and this time I most likely won't make any friends, and I'll go back to where I was in high school, alone. And just the thought of that makes me cry. And it makes me just want to not be alive. To not feel any of these feelings anymore. To not feel loneliness or pain or anxiety or guilt or anything. To not feel like the worst piece of shit or that I annoy everyone I care about or that I don't deserve love or good things. I would Just be nothing. Like I'm asleep or something. I think that would be really nice. I can't of course because of the pain it would cause my dad, but it's still a nice thought. ",2.359333333333332,3.2017366731707355,3.151707317073172,96.80821138211384,74.95121951219512,6.637398373983741,23.910569105691057,6.742157984588678,0.385969105691057,738,21,183,6,15,233,102,205,0.209,0.639,0.152,-0.9477,0,2,2,0,0,4,21.0,0,0,0,1,14,16,2,1,6,0,17,5,2,4,0,45,40,18,1,6,19,1,4,3,2,5,2,0,0,0,19,6,0,0,9,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,3,4,16,10,18,27,5,21,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,9,15,116,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039037157733496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440503946907933,0.0,0.0924728405439886,0.0,0.23976088301526946,0.0,0.0,0.09947390959884377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294922978269328,0.0,0.07368730324805106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324517812187785,0.12417701953253753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278096285618074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545431671836155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141275356213509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550598448377147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24448216455576954,0.08635666945120424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282043445601212,0.0,0.0,0.18678311853444526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739773687756118,0.10138837753763062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771631728223345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328649323475209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716753156528764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090988857365677,0.0,0.2420649410984857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598758428789185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25724960580496875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576958988541312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487759872994672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103230827603595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223369756482112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408154454130838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611860177647294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653489429815967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803072759235419,0.07745499913018987,0.0,0.19193037580045325,0.14097215659337206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389440154157754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907536459228964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576089716965754,0.0,0.0,0.15568546544859488
suicidewatch,alascha,2018/02/19,"Hey. Hey guys... 
First of all pls don’t make fun of my English I’m from german and did not have the best school here.


Im struggling to Weide something here cause I never thought that I am depressed or whatever but I have every damn day that one feeling- the feeling of hate. It’s the hate to myself and well I think not a single person out there loves or likes me even my parents did not wanted me I lived like 6 years in and childhouse (idk what it reale means so there are some child’s and one or two ppl that are looking for us) 


So I decided to start playing an online game (world of Warcraft) back than I found a rly nice guild on the German server Amahntul(special thanks to my Guild DDP) 

I know my story is not that hard like others here but I rly wanted to tell some ppl may they start playing an online game where you can play with other ppl you will always find some nice ppl even if it’s one anyone in such games are rly nice and will never betray you or anything everyone ist everytime there to talk with you and nobody ever will make fun of you! 


So back to main point my Story is not the hardest here but I just want to tell you guys that I always have this feeling in my stomach of loneliness and this feeling only goes away if I play with some of my online friends (my only friends of course) ",2.272773631840796,4.169463391791044,3.074701492537315,92.9075497512438,77.3955223880597,5.362189054726368,20.868159203980106,5.985473137389443,0.023633830845770643,1031,26,218,6,24,325,141,268,0.075,0.687,0.237,0.993,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,6,1,2,19,23,3,1,9,0,17,2,1,3,4,53,39,19,0,5,15,1,5,3,2,4,0,0,0,4,13,11,0,0,11,7,0,0,8,5,1,5,4,6,31,18,28,31,8,19,0,1,1,1,24,9,1,11,13,153,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680622665726594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269125068239026,0.0,0.09731920877590916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111106530238304,0.1818717196350554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410823839551753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148722552267747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626893946293478,0.0,0.10185853077125537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622132446396345,0.10697437518243087,0.09964048682436724,0.11300401345614487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391864450722832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080889471570179,0.10059324467700057,0.0,0.1296677249932952,0.18273721603760468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341951264917643,0.0,0.0,0.10593915215466287,0.2335176648978241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277428067200292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499347488336643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332991195628156,0.0,0.1044271471315546,0.0,0.09930994733732773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673569864735163,0.0,0.15788105400430552,0.0,0.0,0.12882153677633915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824212515088134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404113340165731,0.17988653051871048,0.0,0.0,0.13131549598925088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326145537358546,0.0,0.0,0.11179542433645713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460757567678402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968703876357913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104354667676297,0.0,0.0,0.16741231858518982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236326870787739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505418319473316,0.20673167758969524,0.1088793794862298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577724914489968,0.0,0.09388648937339104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552438548666548,0.0,0.14225412684863534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926124250639566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633136850112154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761565840553959
suicidewatch,eman12009,2018/02/19,Contemplating another suicide attempt I've written on here about my previous attempt. Since then I had started to feel better. But now I'm sinking again and just want out. I'm considering attempting to hang myself again. As long as my belt doesn't slip I know I can do it. But what I really want is for some other act of nature to do it for me. I don't care I just want to stop breathing.,1.0890694444444478,3.434555212500001,3.3641666666666663,86.7752777777778,84.375,6.555555555555558,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.4328472222222226,307,12,63,6,9,105,55,80,0.119,0.794,0.087,-0.6734,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,0,13,17,6,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,10,2,12,15,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178371831511975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680760951332273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30904076795378393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326148462092706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665812867997167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682427437484557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941799783964296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25073566075011794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454276376275327,0.0,0.0,0.2534134681869686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315530592859612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363462580909691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,incorrectpasscode,2018/02/19,"Help I'm away at school. I want to kill myself. I have plenty of friends and a lot going for me but I dont want to do any of it. I just want to be dead. I need reasons to not that arent stupid like ""you have so much to look forward to"".",-2.5430357142857147,-0.9146849464285688,0.3835714285714289,106.56142857142858,94.89285714285714,3.2,13.357142857142858,3.1291,-1.820614285714286,177,3,51,0,7,61,40,56,0.239,0.629,0.132,-0.8882,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,13,3,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,2,11,12,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866003207855463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578063284253889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215928799179956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199952232855604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559469336180719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392346272400714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035811728964695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340571973123074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23042554608750304,0.0,0.0,0.23328370617956395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201714395888374,0.20346293590741055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821272550754011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777058291352827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855418552957126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doggo_is_taken,2018/02/19,"I'm done with this shit I want to thank my 4 best friends for actually listening. This sounds selfish but 4 friends can't help me through this. My life is  shit. My mother threatens me and hits me and (litteraly) left me in scars  when I try to make her go away she keeps following me and wont leave me alone. I have been depressed for 5 years and it got better before when I was at the stage of killing myself but it got worse recently than that before. I actully do not want to live anymore. I don't see a point for life, I see no future ahead or any success I am unlucky in anything and my dad left me before I was 2. If i could I would end it now. The only reason I don't is because I don't want my friends so see a fucking suicide report of me in the fucking news... I have no idea where to go in life and If there is a reason to stay alive. ",0.7590742526518817,2.431758530054644,2.6650658952105424,95.12849566055931,81.18579234972677,5.617357762777242,22.78656380585021,6.522977012572876,0.3488478945676632,653,22,155,6,17,218,104,183,0.209,0.629,0.162,-0.9504,0,1,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,4,6,14,5,0,6,0,18,7,2,3,0,24,37,14,2,7,6,2,0,0,3,2,3,2,0,0,7,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,8,7,0,0,6,5,30,7,20,27,1,23,0,1,3,2,9,10,4,3,8,102,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.11639901463029635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235369830685852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111375229541846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829263225650125,0.0,0.0,0.09815638363780196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206646685308412,0.0,0.0,0.07271131934010988,0.0,0.3044927134995488,0.0,0.12517586213234602,0.10549250702048228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952345076343774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027347545147856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206374256971272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564571463325056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764637810135668,0.22054286934971767,0.0,0.0,0.13557791210084727,0.0,0.19079648896394408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995014228221156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465137610181008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602057998729253,0.13196444655728698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629914823126812,0.25919377981732816,0.0,0.2527506750069672,0.0,0.0,0.1053254670375356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961960182840774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907169896003029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275712881501113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452771805282449,0.11777353842502512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28514955594806896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24487618386538698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713545258576894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047177301282395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981599909741313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098255345877034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110613830336189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155540443871875,0.08473231877705896,0.0,0.0,0.07681171040240117
suicidewatch,SomedayForSure123,2018/02/19,"Do you think there are people who should kill themselves? Because I'm the perfect candidate. Don't wanna go too much into why, just suffice it to say that you'd all hate me if you knew a little bit about me, and for good reason. I hate me too, I've been doing it for years. I've tried changing, I've tried doing good (like volunteering, being positive around people, helping others etc.), and while I legitimately enjoy doing all that, at the end of the day I'm still me, and I suck. Nothing helps in the slightest. 

I'm pretty sure I'll hate myself for the rest of what's probably gonna be my short life. No one knows they should hate me, so I'm pretty sure no one does, I really doubt anyone outside of my immediate family ever even thinks about me when I'm not around. I'm not really close to that many people. The only person I'm legitimately bummed I'll leave behind when I'm gone is my brother, but he'd hate the shit out of me too if he knew better. It's actually such a gut-wrenching feeling knowing that he loves me, while also knowing that I do not deserve his love in the slightest. But I know even if he'll miss me for a while, the world will still be a better place when I'm not around anymore, and ultimately he'll be better off without me. 

Just wanted to point out that this isn't just depression speaking. I'm well aware that I'm not being perfectly rational, but I've thought of every possible way out of this, and none will work. I know this isn't going away, the only question is whether I wanna live with it until I die of old age or until I off myself. I can't imagine doing the former. 

Not really sure what this post is for to be honest. I know I'm not gonna kill myself today, but I'm not far off either, and I already have it all planned out and got my affairs in order. I did a couple of goodbye videos, written my will and all that fun stuff. I've got everything I need in my home, when I make the decision I'll be out of here in a matter of minutes. Anyways, I'm just curious: did anyone you know or heard of that killed themselves deserve it in your opinion? I guess I just wanna know I'm not alone when the time comes. 

This reads like a madman's ramblings, I know. I can't think of a better way to put all this though, sorry. ",3.8367741935483854,4.31064193842888,5.317224847613178,84.00208341894394,71.22929936305731,7.775933155263338,25.8092596397507,7.717688229018142,1.2811999315115403,1767,50,372,20,31,598,207,471,0.117,0.73,0.154,0.9444,0,1,0,0,0,1,54.0,0,5,1,8,31,32,10,1,21,0,33,4,1,2,11,89,89,31,4,10,26,1,1,2,0,9,1,3,1,1,26,20,0,0,20,2,0,5,18,13,1,2,11,4,47,19,52,60,11,57,0,2,0,2,24,27,2,9,23,247,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.07248427253783199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692924530062294,0.08196723473040443,0.059399810539283324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366347063101371,0.10387332101451148,0.0,0.0,0.19836857106655287,0.0,0.0,0.06978629803294395,0.0,0.0,0.045278966530547166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26277018422736875,0.08109195697207111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857590572145813,0.06398361920415932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218680786862546,0.0,0.047902939953699854,0.0,0.06397523182656539,0.0,0.07708847464103116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500087279649219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578795186757039,0.0,0.08283921509451699,0.09811937569843253,0.06718838765863397,0.06258212439973296,0.0,0.06675596312251983,0.0,0.0700223586683245,0.0,0.037557012057328885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442740140061461,0.12460113888709252,0.11881324553519346,0.0,0.08182520653433496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666690122643223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099573487301909,0.0,0.07450654001986882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24653164650775874,0.0,0.3673894893490579,0.0,0.0,0.07864930739120271,0.0,0.0,0.05246450143790582,0.07257661658065441,0.07444571957859478,0.06558852651950266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407695974860345,0.0,0.04958090870970185,0.07530587961132651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054602619861890925,0.055075936927597983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127140925827513,0.0,0.07794189970860531,0.0,0.1006649170569323,0.11298300108270055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448431198765608,0.06485637968909268,0.07760433593349099,0.0,0.07021638870028195,0.08373689089760131,0.07113745726358138,0.15113414839926104,0.08008387050739467,0.0,0.0,0.07466955471690022,0.08320796817740744,0.0,0.07429775142509071,0.0,0.14275249534410628,0.07636979598662715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059068569232894476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762449411865686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314774891217415,0.0,0.0,0.11863645581498165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503013943711613,0.0,0.0,0.2100174206244591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278235837049116,0.07297741481999337,0.058968157871172426,0.04331189552861789,0.0,0.07040652793656962,0.0,0.0,0.10085929841174486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043810882931760525,0.1179162837901096,0.0,0.0,0.06678452849051797,0.0,0.06702402673166273,0.0,0.0,0.07160100480357315,0.0,0.05407501445253469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783237185115762
suicidewatch,ElectricalLandscape,2018/02/19,"Trying to stay positive. Came pretty close to killing myself. Hey, everyone. This is a throwaway. I'm applying for jobs, in a ton of debt, and I dragged my mom into it (thank you, student loans). I've been having trouble actually applying for jobs-- every time I try, my anxiety acts up, and I can't move. I've just wanted someone to tell me it would be okay, and walk me through the process. I'm 22, and I still need help with this-- it feels fucking pathetic. 


Anyway, my mom freaked out and told me to get my shit together, that she was disappointed in me, that she wanted to refinance the loans entirely onto me, and that I had pretty much robbed her of her retirement. I feel fucking awful. I ruined her life. That's all I can think about. 

About an hour ago I almost drank an acid (not telling what it is, don't want to encourage anyone), but pussied out. Instead, I just cut myself, which I haven't done in years. It makes me feel like less of a pussy, at least, if that makes any sense. I know, it's stupid, but it feels like a weird accomplishment? I mean, even if I'm self harming, at least I'm not killing myself. Besides, it doesn't hurt anyone. Anyway. I poured the solution down the toilet and washed my hands. I still smell a little bit like one of the ingredients, but whatever. 

I can't tell my friends about this-- none of them are good with that emotional stuff, anyway. Besides, most of my best friends have been pretty distant for awhile. I can't tell my mom, because she'd just send me to a hospital for it: it happened when I was sixteen, I had to stay in a mental hospital for eight days, and I can't miss that much class (even though I didn't even go to class last week, because I'm a piece of shit, lol). Sorry if I'm rambling. I just kind of need support. I feel really fucking useless. I got some of my job app stuff done, but I still feel like a piece of shit. 


I just want someone to tell me that it's going to be okay. That I'm okay. 


Sorry for how long this is, by the way. Best of luck out there, everyone else on here. ",2.236720085470086,3.970884701923076,3.4397435897435926,90.98303418803421,76.98076923076924,6.737606837606838,23.81517094017094,7.594959193182576,0.9507186965811972,1580,51,346,22,36,512,201,416,0.156,0.698,0.146,0.0847,4,0,0,0,0,3,79.0,0,1,1,3,23,36,10,0,17,5,27,10,4,3,1,54,65,18,2,10,14,3,7,4,2,1,2,0,0,1,28,16,1,0,9,0,3,7,11,19,0,2,13,9,54,17,49,48,15,38,0,5,0,3,24,16,6,7,16,227,82,7,0.0,0.0,0.07263686382395862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598126540402048,0.0,0.07453491653424581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050617684337330215,0.0,0.056941819637009686,0.0,0.0,0.1040919913976567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074857236795296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622781826174106,0.0,0.08126266884618748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513268654812034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800378350169805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152343685640982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218007043967508,0.08372825111966528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748889962396353,0.0,0.06271387003939166,0.14224978700295188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258164543779444,0.1595270308800846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150150745263117,0.20643914923826567,0.03888870198230073,0.0,0.08460513493249666,0.06243172236382771,0.059531683455317876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658217558350703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049891552914809525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330251362635354,0.0,0.07968315519285156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159283097349655,0.0,0.16470042404793367,0.0775115749897652,0.0409069893890474,0.06067365882182719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257494782123987,0.14545880453228402,0.07460244003255521,0.0,0.06587176316749223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937056931446872,0.0,0.0,0.08108046611520911,0.0,0.0,0.07501198255166057,0.0,0.0,0.2615286649787049,0.0,0.0791115808471544,0.10943513467061358,0.1103837616221878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050438416611673316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22717846586714396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047684337589363066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765091368721269,0.0,0.2292163478916319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261354029258545,0.0,0.0,0.16664557713123304,0.0,0.15867351774413102,0.1783293075285857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704182836629115,0.0,0.08446684095280721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252930604463629,0.06852884276955544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047694312887014735,0.07313104425153343,0.0,0.04340307417485242,0.0,0.0,0.07112489350147594,0.0,0.10107162378280307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756124481133885,0.05908225845695735,0.05970647903139331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052875790401197616,0.0,0.0,0.047933066841721904
suicidewatch,groupthrowaway0209,2018/02/19,"A final scream into the abyss I'm sitting in my truck now, with a garden hose and a roll of duct tape, in the middle of the desert.  I'm sort of surprised I still have bars, but I shouldn't be.  I  don't care if you cheer or argue.  I just would like to not be utterly alone at the end.",0.8662500000000009,1.732186875,2.8613750000000024,97.34612500000004,78.6875,5.745000000000001,17.4875,5.6839178017228535,-0.6857775000000004,216,3,56,1,5,73,48,64,0.076,0.706,0.219,0.8517,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,7,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,9,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,5,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425195875885389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356270175342968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784315992567805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680499367683675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874099513350247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412158490250162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035181030754805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrubiusMaximus,2018/02/19,"A question about a wellness check I have a friend that I am currently pretty concerned about. Last night/early this morning he messaged myself and another mutual friend that he had taken a knife to his wrist. This friend has a history of depression, had been drinking the last couple days, and recently broke up with his gf and she moved out. I am wondering if it is ok to call the police in his city and ask them to do a wellness check? I don’t want to get him in trouble or anything, but since I am close to 800 miles away and I have no contacts in his city I am at a bit of a loss. Should I wait longer? The other person he contacted has tried to call him several times this morning. Thanks! And I hope that this is the appropriate place for a question like this.",2.9048951048951075,4.686440558441562,3.971558441558444,87.6877772227772,75.23376623376623,7.335864135864138,25.48251748251749,8.139509932561175,1.49781978021978,602,21,124,10,13,195,92,154,0.076,0.754,0.17,0.9153,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,13,0,0,13,1,16,2,1,0,0,19,24,9,0,4,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,1,3,1,2,1,2,4,2,0,4,0,18,9,19,19,1,17,0,3,0,0,24,10,0,6,7,88,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370915000834962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847637527111652,0.0,0.14595443981398262,0.0,0.1466832101705514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044647592655562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188391910122887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274773346122074,0.0,0.10068677100050268,0.0,0.13446898087782075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294163763167196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36186199167072497,0.0,0.08156810870668565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506590772962256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545230540563474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627407817464481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593462104843104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651137125330174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632105787221022,0.16311587573401087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883377309347238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497882027864411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415316619176564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637516749486398,0.0,0.12914701008615787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437375847389948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910368948315629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059976391038852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208571209499013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807476339865845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930932519527872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FromMyIvoryTower,2018/02/19,"I have no nothing to look forward to. All I want is to feel like a real person again. I feel completely indifferent and miserable at the same time. I'm disconnected from reality, as if I'm watching a movie about a pathetic protagonist instead of living. I want to feel like I occupy my own mind and body again. I want to feel like I'm in the world, like I'm a part of reality, not like I'm observing it. Every day that passes increases my despondency because I know that my life is finite and that my days are compounding into a meaningless existence. Sometimes I just start crying for no apparent reason, and I've lost the urge to do anything.  I don't even want to shower. My feelings are partially mine and partially outside of me, and I have no idea how to cope. Everyone I talk to gives me nonsensical advice about how I should meditate or exercise or listen to motivational speakers, and I'm starting to become extremely cynical. My father, who has attempted suicide (at least I think so, he might be lying), just tells me to focus on my academic goals and accept that l'll always be depressed. If that's the case, what's the fucking point of anything? I've switched schools three times this year because of my family's financial issues, and my loneliness and lack of adaptability don't help. I'm away from the people who know me and I've lost my sense of identity, but who am I kidding? I've never had real friends anyway. No one has ever remotely liked me, certainly not loved me. I'll never be special to anyone. The last time I liked someone is a blur, and I can't remember the last time someone has touched me in a non-perfunctory way. Sometimes I just stay awake and fantasize about just being held and crying on someone and feeling safe. I want someone to care that I'm in pain, but not in an abstract way. I want someone who knows my innermost thoughts and is aware that I'm not good or worthwhile or exceptional to want me to be alright despite that. I want to be understood. I want to be told that I deserve better even though I don't. I want to feel like someone needs me to stay alive. Maybe I'm an unlovable entity that's incapable of connection. Whenever I talk to people, I feel like there's this brilliant version of me permanently incarcerated somewhere inside and that if I could only express it I'd be loved and wanted, but I can't and I doubt that will ever change. I wish I could escape myself. I have no idea what to do or how to feel better. I can't see a therapist because my father won't pay for it and I have no income of my own. Sometimes I want to check myself into a mental hospital, but there's no way I could do that without repeating the year and failing in the only sphere I've ever succeeded at. I'd rather kill myself than become more of a failure than I already am. I don't know if I have the courage to kill myself yet, but if this continues, that's the only option. ",4.767999202869671,5.644432939550952,6.2390328151986205,76.77444400159429,69.34542314335062,9.461777600637703,31.42646472698286,9.661875296680813,2.9941163013152647,2308,96,437,51,39,787,246,579,0.165,0.6890000000000001,0.146,-0.9652,4,0,0,0,0,3,56.0,0,0,0,9,25,35,4,2,24,1,42,7,1,5,7,110,96,42,3,25,26,2,10,9,1,4,3,2,1,2,26,23,0,2,22,1,2,3,22,12,0,2,7,15,67,23,61,74,10,45,0,5,3,3,20,16,1,14,32,301,93,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880249452327821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640481320458408,0.0,0.050070574609131516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042075888625469564,0.0,0.0990381003016076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653656732911736,0.0,0.0,0.11004670309228927,0.1329175286296154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644012242662658,0.0,0.06684106521827518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135261176396905,0.0,0.06365736698299243,0.0,0.06309253678772181,0.0,0.0,0.14413496661721895,0.0,0.13219923063773215,0.07761603255345423,0.0,0.051828798825968116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949028458060159,0.1632957002879274,0.05070018885447163,0.05749996819705104,0.0,0.0,0.05672780913993309,0.0,0.2738374352328524,0.2149458216056824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464911988044463,0.055630989055330884,0.0,0.057725520853621023,0.0,0.050472090342500414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033415819235646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586091905473122,0.0,0.06280725933125915,0.0,0.0,0.13314985342790686,0.0,0.13228283224682902,0.09810161480470668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042503512889199305,0.26458700324705753,0.0,0.05313579098058704,0.0,0.0505320000493898,0.0,0.13137664607169974,0.0,0.1086209080546424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060454061614921735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606424333138541,0.06383636207770473,0.060759783021805125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044619137339129734,0.09282162499736099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773971312060967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040776262828718934,0.13729781979714167,0.0640306397049404,0.0,0.0,0.0651638615284919,0.0,0.08343579329244483,0.05254265064016185,0.0,0.0,0.05688500034042428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698506953473774,0.0,0.061870112535137724,0.0,0.0,0.06816675436553775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060900500009017935,0.0479518316865192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059174347983388,0.0,0.17854439047622064,0.0,0.08518461159062081,0.12827748169229128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658218857667666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673306891555564,0.05259576418205568,0.0,0.0,0.06986802800405646,0.0,0.03855782890032222,0.059121813920087536,0.04777237540503655,0.1403545375941532,0.0,0.0,0.05749996819705104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259145997027007,0.14329278323128178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919849322906156,0.058006731163740735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750169267891943
suicidewatch,Drufo,2018/02/19,"I keep fantasizing about it 18M I live in a college dorm, I don't have any friends except for my roomate, and my girlfriend might leave me. I keep fantasizing about going to the top floor, opening a window and just jumping. I even think about doing it at night so no one has to see it.",0.5864891041162217,2.912684355932204,2.4971428571428578,92.1715254237288,86.79661016949154,4.727360774818402,21.987893462469735,6.18269132825596,0.28849443099273664,223,8,48,2,7,74,45,59,0.122,0.845,0.033,-0.5887,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,9,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,35,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096635699475574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490332748447185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23968215446791524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631028891808834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514915755574915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32848771558304873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739378890863513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291039420285909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911288993401145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021919798296587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472123460969689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878221556099407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EndOfTheLineMate,2018/02/19,"I have no choice but to self destruct My wife is about to leave me, and we have a 1 1/2 month old. We’d been on the rocks soon into the pregnancy, and now my years of a lack of emotional support have just finally spiraled out of control. (I have undiagnosed moderate autism, I believe).

I’ve been trying to change, but I have no room for error and every little thing I do gets me exploded at. We are done, I get that.

I am finishing up law school this semester, but I know hardly anyone there. I have no life outside the marriage and that’s about to end. I’m totally alone, and I am thinking of dropping before graduation and tanking what’s left my life so I am justified in killing myself. 

I just want this pain to go away, this should be a happy time but I’m so full of fear and have no where to turn to. ",2.2179384088964937,3.7946729880239545,3.971124893071,87.83767964071859,76.60479041916167,7.406159110350728,25.10222412318221,8.192908349453996,1.4396367835757058,627,22,136,11,14,211,104,167,0.222,0.6920000000000001,0.085,-0.9788,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,3,0,0,1,10,6,2,1,6,0,19,3,0,1,1,25,29,13,1,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,11,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,21,2,22,23,3,23,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,9,100,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799224797838275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146970522900173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321652120664762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782370625140326,0.19572398565985835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837736969005532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484278156848647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777681394926573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541265079639025,0.15386517043884873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636736611854884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954843302829018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903027744939746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152401940251114,0.0,0.09872960122215163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849291477680321,0.15561982045553566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219645711038305,0.0,0.09547247345688402,0.0,0.0,0.18394536907007872,0.18874828594197732,0.0,0.2454084441474109,0.0,0.17411399817494047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866237952558946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229088066357374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848513052170084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581484375154227,0.0,0.0,0.1812288048235134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971364393052324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541245885635035,0.1113133498494271,0.0,0.0,0.10129806443823124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794510012794344,0.18895847380130704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246509851744884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187057566692048
suicidewatch,bootsandcats2001,2018/02/19,"i feel helpless. i have a good life, i’m a 16 year old girl. i’m not unattractive, i am in pretty good shape, i eat healthy, and i have quite a lot of friends. but i always seem to end up at this same stage, where i feel alone, i convince myself everybody hates me and they would be better off without me. i convince myself that i’m ugly and a failure and i slowly lose motivation for everything. the only reason i’m still alive is because the thought of my mom or dad finding my dead body and blaming themselves keeps me going because i never want to do that to them. but i’m scared one day i will, and i’m even more scared nobody will even care when i do.",1.7947826086956518,3.4414884057971067,3.260217391304348,92.17119565217394,77.98550724637681,5.469565217391305,23.818840579710145,5.985473137389443,0.4122927536231877,512,17,112,3,12,168,88,138,0.245,0.563,0.192,-0.9287,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,4,5,12,1,2,6,0,10,3,1,2,1,24,25,10,1,2,5,2,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,7,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,2,22,7,11,20,3,15,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,3,7,72,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126961785580136,0.0,0.0,0.13759801116601822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016115266512211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462530564957835,0.0,0.18368468327055024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860196681312706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664758490712943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692110115294119,0.0,0.0,0.1464654609809801,0.0,0.0,0.21844576681404496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862057009543236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722834281626198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114180491591075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776159535123682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398148076154678,0.2774028181115819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326498814506402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698516807062548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680311014558348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500259379545916,0.0,0.14058851710410492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367501524109404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754068724533427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352411720513694,0.0,0.1120564865055756,0.12576852498694036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823698022872596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588741839149555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002410101960574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311210350186981,0.0,0.0,0.15054327136494305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320617430458143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128237284520047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975373298974391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940721480989326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747147693355944,0.0,0.0,0.10649047727000148
suicidewatch,allergies323,2018/02/19,"Overdriven emptiness I’m not one to make my feelings public. I realized after countless ignored social media posts that no one really cared about what I had to say. But this is something I can’t keep inside anymore. 
The past two years have been very hard on me. My depression went into overdrive. Though I never really considered myself suicidal before, I’m sure I am now.  
I don’t know much of anything so I won’t “self-diagnose.” But everyday is getting harder. 
I know I have countless people who love me and who would be devastated is anything happened to me. That has been the one thing I have been able to hold on to. 
But recently it just isn’t enough anymore.  I don’t have a desire to continue on and live out my future.
I guess I can’t explain it very well. I think waking up and getting ready for the day is the worst part. I just don’t want to do it anymore. 
If you decided to sit through my entire pity party then I thank you. I know all of us are struggling and I am completely aware that others have it worse than me, so I’m sorry for being so self-centered. ",1.8611742424242408,4.133428560185188,3.644646464646467,86.41954545454546,80.52777777777777,6.519865319865321,24.170033670033675,7.686295010490155,1.3842851851851852,843,31,165,14,22,282,126,216,0.158,0.735,0.106,-0.9127,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,2,0,0,9,10,0,1,5,0,28,2,1,1,3,32,48,13,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,3,8,0,0,1,10,5,1,4,5,3,30,5,22,39,5,20,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,2,11,127,43,0,0.12644074346846165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761857256382776,0.0,0.0,0.20809991684998524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759175989086224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891476479990746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257071389086833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154381935543542,0.0,0.10890322707394967,0.12833469306374778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064708774415146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393223901691229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212013962607436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392887339859744,0.0,0.11181113187219276,0.0,0.11326607065470015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238634239600252,0.0,0.0,0.2084655776974664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164949298445773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141177075565032,0.0,0.08440017809366196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294849490772536,0.0,0.09751889618745946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570385602591718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692300361584178,0.12070199670898693,0.08765809114670835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109528079306232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200235593234347,0.0,0.12484498025015615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055075416595917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638105422782185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889041490780606,0.0,0.0973402616578411,0.0,0.14154006045680614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321833183019153,0.0,0.1383056511914033,0.0,0.11916890435429088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640964873612507,0.0,0.0,0.08400161162627183,0.08101812296113647,0.12422738848304432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351423381008755,0.0,0.15209264615443704,0.0,0.0,0.2086537106147369,0.07457802646440037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368541330098693,0.11721183595086618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885391972928106,0.08981987639783867,0.0,0.0,0.08142369327107564
suicidewatch,Junaria,2018/02/19,"my friend need help i don't know how to explain the full story 
but basically her nude got leaked and trending all over our local places
and lately shes acting weird, having suicidal thought over our chit chat and it terrifies me 
what can i do for her? and should i tell her family about the whole story?
sorry for bad english",3.111302083333332,5.4041558593750025,3.8731250000000017,86.29270833333338,76.34375,6.7666666666666675,21.604166666666664,7.793537801064563,0.9817479166666664,261,7,50,4,6,83,51,64,0.292,0.657,0.051,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,1,12,11,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,11,1,6,8,3,7,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,1,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453861926454008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770536959937919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270589796299191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350509853892851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698852769768396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151446771065078,0.0,0.3315211511640381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179159939240177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070528971661671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32898622079839257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214683768939461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25687314707168346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333161349439681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281181153835709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maaaary,2018/02/19,I hate my life! I don’t know how much more i can handle before I’m pushed to the edge.,-1.3771428571428572,-0.13910847619047395,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,86.14285714285714,4.2,10.5,3.1291,-2.077971428571429,66,0,19,0,2,23,18,21,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.6114,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880276835140677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5662373750176897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151944383080243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050977936798805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216069957583144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3SomeFun17,2018/02/19,"I've been trying for 12 years, waiting for the day I finally succeed I've lost count of how many times I have tried to end it all. My last attempt was just a few days ago. 

My mom was so distraught. She's the only reason why I'm trying to hold on. When she passes on, I will quickly follow.

",0.5666666666666664,2.287496698412699,2.7399206349206366,94.12035714285715,82.01587301587301,4.834920634920637,20.02380952380953,5.46131890053228,-0.22416190476190456,224,6,51,1,6,76,49,63,0.111,0.8370000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.5742,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,2,1,6,9,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,7,1,7,4,2,14,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,10,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131535049517576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322030021877255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113147543397474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734987598753311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351249685428408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27254178561299713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25312385922618474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924077908068868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988353504809166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566999759942243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558324267891753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085239356726085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252862644292881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077781205660188
suicidewatch,xiola121,2018/02/19,"Technology is the only thing not making me want to end life Okay so I’m 15 and since age 11 I’ve been depressed.Back then it was mostly stuff at home but now it’s just living that gets me so numb inside (also school has been affecting me a lot since my final exams are coming up). 

Honestly when I pick up my phone or laptop I feel like I’m in a portal which takes you out of this life.Stuff like memes or just really happy people on the internet makes me wonder why my life is so shit.When my parents take away my phone or laptop I just get so angry because that’s the one thing that doesn’t want me to end life.Thats why people see me as antisocial and on the web a lot.

In school my grades keep getting shit as time goes by...yes I still have friends but everyone is fading away since exams are coming up.I would never tell my parents or friends that I’m suicidal and depressed since everyone would be feeling pity for me.And I’ll never tell the school because rumours would go round.I mask my depression really well to the point nobody notices.",3.0869689542483627,4.546103976851857,4.279183006535948,87.0135294117647,74.0462962962963,7.119389978213508,22.42810457516339,7.724431198458867,0.8919235294117644,833,21,172,11,17,273,123,216,0.149,0.725,0.127,-0.8101,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,12,13,1,0,9,1,15,4,1,4,2,34,35,18,1,5,10,2,2,2,2,3,3,0,1,0,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,5,1,1,3,3,19,8,17,28,3,26,0,3,1,0,10,11,1,8,14,100,30,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660222333742546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999335483658954,0.07365563084214863,0.0,0.1167838575635509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502704112069155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500540833210744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968078975735493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830604981469079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686733339323543,0.06843149728863786,0.0,0.10493188606965104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801229077941214,0.0,0.15013699437776076,0.0,0.054438950218631266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196889833136516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960839195762472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514143619184063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706336885553057,0.09359508291207863,0.0,0.0845832151854573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287232807834293,0.0,0.0,0.12787945980875878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775636790433774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905611902796952,0.0,0.0,0.06490893143117739,0.07285165561720018,0.0,0.0,0.21272412700217586,0.0,0.0,0.13281570722834524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905513239913336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227294434224072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908299661360079,0.07633122652788775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966515367674392,0.3169497529471071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649701406277817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931038743858547,0.10477733792947673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404242767530828,0.0,0.16744716725040212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727556932299258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585518647835164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299736509189925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612558391128221,0.0,0.17286888352200958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387880593690302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041367245889907,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princegummy,2018/02/19,"I wish everything was just over Hapiness is a lie. Winning is impossible. Life is just a series of lies, failures, pain, almosts and the only peace you'll find is in death.

It's a fact and don't you fucking deny it.

I've done EVERYTHING I can do to improve myself and my situation without ruining everything else and I can safely say that it doesn't get better. It gets even worse and worse. People say that it gets better for them, not for me. Some people have their dreams come true, not for me, only nightmares.

I give up. ",2.428846153846152,4.647521115384619,4.01023076923077,84.83476923076924,78.23076923076924,6.8523076923076935,23.861538461538462,7.908726449838941,1.39686076923077,412,14,80,7,10,137,69,104,0.193,0.604,0.203,0.0466,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,3,3,8,1,0,4,0,13,3,0,0,2,18,20,5,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,2,12,5,9,17,1,4,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,2,0,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816432518907926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970526899388654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466257846189812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185752855081118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028954578480066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092059234970757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527919742487776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349108178734344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525475324624127,0.2632199496726377,0.16110016464431132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861864255456253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554468231444526,0.1786964664191404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285229544703925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670999745738103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887678629883824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931188924324932,0.1618849653111575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342283645397842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeerInTheHeadlights9,2018/02/19,"All I Can Think Of Is Suicide I’ve been suicidal for about 2 weeks now. Not sure if I’m misusing the term but I’ve at least had suicidal thoughts every day for the past 2 weeks. I don’t think my life will get better since it’d take a miracle. There’s no point in me wasting anyone else’s time on earth anymore, plus I’ve recently lost faith in humanity due to many reasons. 

I’m going to need to raise/save money so I can leave the cost of my funeral. I’m not sure how much that is, but at the end of that amount, I can finally kill myself and be free from my never ending pain. I doubt anyone truly cares for me, and even if they do they will move on. The world won’t stop just because of me. I think a funeral is $7000 to $10000 so I’m not sure how I’ll get that much but that’s my plan.

I’m too poor and I refuse to ask my family for therapy again. They always forget, so they clearly don’t care. No one else cares about my depression or pain because they go through worse things. It may be true, so even more reason to kill myself, so that I won’t have another selfish thought.",1.3809574468085088,2.823572574468088,3.2529255319148938,92.66875,78.57446808510639,6.912765957446807,21.53723404255319,7.7348632917899725,0.6464510638297871,845,23,200,13,20,284,131,235,0.26,0.568,0.172,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,5,3,16,18,2,1,7,0,20,3,0,4,7,36,41,17,7,3,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,7,0,4,3,10,8,0,1,5,0,24,11,25,28,7,26,1,2,0,0,8,8,0,5,15,118,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766481889246264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104751878153105,0.0,0.0,0.10448506487710787,0.1473350439808422,0.10794990266578172,0.0,0.0,0.09849384808427493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284483534372269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317901909717684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32225307823132304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794604905242238,0.0,0.090743161986077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602321350473524,0.0,0.18662868746564645,0.0,0.0,0.13917358560127024,0.0,0.08876716331772093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932047221825717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541259442791385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008855801463953,0.0,0.11975274090649304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312210569651895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115570297586497,0.0,0.0,0.0744162172855427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500876487319472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681467557007022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197699349396677,0.15489789524871378,0.07812030567868432,0.08125721552248505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139210452238716,0.0,0.2242129025728586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057443781688016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959568651787568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664749216838308,0.10402656165823046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715175782371606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808252141967514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34572782956548803,0.0,0.2978909849250404,0.0,0.07921476925835341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204840248729068,0.0,0.06999399426169693,0.20252404414089892,0.0,0.16728214807351122,0.061434061896519725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902081698918486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736699384119587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FalloutFanbase,2018/02/19,"Ending it today I don’t even have anything special to say about this. I was first hand told by my mom that I had no purpose in life. 

Edit: I will live another day. I can’t work up the courage.",0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,82.33333333333333,5.152380952380953,22.404761904761905,5.985473137389443,0.16036190476190534,148,5,35,1,4,50,37,42,0.052000000000000005,0.733,0.215,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,6,2,5,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,24,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33562504586474673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633932760673772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064209736187222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349018014366445,0.0,0.0,0.211405574293643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27225441512509785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260774281850089,0.0,0.0,0.2826308263221207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748662967520693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545353496696445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033923191317187,0.305844012578368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330173710116211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carrotocn,2018/02/19,Is there a hotline that is instant messaging based instead of text/phone? I find it easier to type over my computer than with a phone in my hands. Also just prefer not speaking with somebody directly with my voice when I'm having a bad moment. As many options as possible would be great to have. Thanks for any insight.,3.3426775956284125,5.8686767377049245,4.237295081967215,82.79124316939892,76.70491803278688,7.3453551912568305,28.19945355191257,8.344100000000001,2.337489617486338,255,11,45,5,6,82,50,61,0.054000000000000006,0.7929999999999999,0.152,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,10,8,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,12,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,33,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919886581149369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829609846541875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048623775107143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337157237272334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025492957600209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701773210427064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116212187535116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361561184552639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593728384016604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sheepywashere,2018/02/19,"Eventually I know I will eventually die by suicide. I can't see myself dying of old age. I have it all planned out, nobody will find my body. I wish I could talk about it, but I know it will just hurt the couple of people who still care about me, and it would only raise alarms in my therapists head. I don't want help! Either with my suicide or being talked out of it. I won't be ending it anytime soon. I'm 28 I plan to do it either age 30 or 40. There is nothing I want to experience anymore even now. Only still here because of obligation.",1.1457655502392328,3.05846960526316,3.35708133971292,89.45275119617224,81.01754385964912,5.899840510366826,20.889952153110045,6.980632752743323,0.4327999999999999,421,12,92,5,11,144,75,114,0.205,0.7440000000000001,0.051,-0.9545,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,1,1,0,13,2,2,0,1,19,21,4,4,5,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,16,1,13,13,3,11,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,2,8,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391184752566546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075223166243344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835871397743131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851243280831735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196142309775996,0.182877502303178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430659509552609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463876822958568,0.0,0.0,0.10916488193555013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167407481606758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106154291574508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696234105852549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078268596645327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769340387864641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166546818287893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858916593543249,0.0,0.17343196935278324,0.0,0.0,0.2514034743112247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458329243661355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317055555221821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639832265565765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615756781556593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656891745486853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919010623341968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497106779142495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900621033960148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174090951477501,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lagunamajor,2018/02/19,"My birthday is coming up in a few days... But I feel that's more of a social burden to myself and to people involved with me rather than a momentous positive occasion. I've made a series of bad decisions leading up to today including but not limited to pushing away my significant other, quitting stable work, and cutting through my savings like a hot knife on butter. I feel continually worthless, a drain on my family, and a burdensome emotional responsibility for my girlfriend and circle of friends. I can't talk to any of them about this for fear of increasing their own anxieties and worsening their own lives; after all, a lot of them have issues of their own. I've lied to all of them about different things in the effort to keep them from worrying about me, but I think this time I've messed up so bad it's just better for them to all move on rather than keep carrying me about.

I've been thinking of ending my supposed struggle on my birthday itself, without telling anyone I know, since the beginning of February. I don't know how I can pick myself up, and I'm afraid of when the day comes, I will still be afraid whether or not I choose to live or die.",10.444891838741398,7.138737402654872,10.12811209439528,67.17465585054082,59.92920353982301,13.584267453294006,41.48279252704032,11.645159339076185,4.656232645034415,927,37,173,20,9,305,132,226,0.188,0.721,0.091,-0.9777,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,8,6,12,14,1,4,11,0,8,0,0,4,3,41,21,15,1,2,12,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,3,8,0,0,6,5,10,0,0,2,4,29,4,45,17,10,28,0,1,0,0,14,11,0,3,12,130,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435347353870918,0.0,0.1173913178077646,0.0,0.0,0.10729808180790276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441743816848488,0.0,0.2562541114510753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357169312029938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437277794456865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979293054189758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926024849680598,0.16032598754547184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261425432721064,0.13591403398905055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466206905479725,0.17267757111383794,0.15518114999421986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855760188621045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016532674668854,0.0,0.27279260236830233,0.0,0.0,0.1686677883685806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496950773455996,0.0,0.27100406593012377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304604673632842,0.0,0.1452011774459161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309652183062331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638516341376618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632164225025888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693811584822334,0.0,0.0,0.15642626565397172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254796532073127,0.0,0.0,0.16042265732877736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333991130193216,0.13412490602846755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194752204818258,0.1966532955017641,0.0,0.0,0.08947982531598729,0.0,0.14545574013741314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792345899614656,0.0,0.11171579512088596,0.1558392262675484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamamiracle,2018/02/19,"The most fucked up shit just happened to me I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while. And I just got absolutely backstabbed. Again.

I met my ex in June 2016 she was living on her own, seemed super independent, acted like she cared about me a lot. She was losing her apartment, she had no friends or family that could help her, so I offered to sign a lease with her and pay half of the rent. I ended up paying the full rent for about 5 months. She moved in in September, in October she cheated on me in the apartment I was paying for. I found out she cheated on me on my birthday in November. I didn’t have enough money to cancel the lease so I stayed with her a couple more months until I did. I did everything I could for this girl and she betrayed me.

I’ve been feeling pretty down since that whole ordeal and I have trust issues now because of it. I don’t feel wanted by any girls. I have a decent amount of money so that’s all I’m worth to them usually. I went to a chipotle my friend works at and this girl was flirting with me and she didn’t know my friend works there. She flirted with me a lot and she told my friend “look at his car he’s got money.” Like that’s just another thing that affected me pretty bad. I feel worthless. So unwanted.

I met this girl a month ago, everything was going really well, I totally thought it was gonna be a long term thing. The first night I met her we hit it off and had a great time. Her boyfriend of four years died a year ago so she wanted to take things slow which I understood. My friend that had gotten head from her a while back (which I dismissed because I figured she was just grieving from her bf passing which she was) saw me on her story and told me what happened between them. It took me a while to get over it but I did. The following few weeks I spent practically everyday with this girl, taking her everywhere, giving her everything she wanted. I spent like $2000 on her in a month. Gave her all the time and care I could give. But she never gave me attention, wouldn’t even kiss me, never wanted to hold my hand or anything.

 I started to feel like something wasn’t right. That maybe she was just using me. And I tried talking to her about it, I told her yesterday about my past and what had happened with my ex and that I had trust issues and shit. And last night I had a weird feeling and I looked at snapchat and she was driving around my friends area. They weren’t even together which is the craziest thing. I asked my friend to hang out and he came over. The second he walks through the door she texted him and said she’s bored. I told him to try and get her to spend the night and she totally took the bait in the worst way. Like I’m so fucked up rn.",2.390340638044126,4.126158962432918,3.2216424418604674,92.70750242248062,76.54919499105544,6.518798449612403,22.558176803816337,7.333567415737692,0.6322906678592721,2136,61,471,26,48,676,240,559,0.103,0.767,0.13,0.9402,4,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,3,5,23,36,6,1,29,0,35,7,4,3,6,78,94,35,3,9,9,2,6,5,8,2,0,1,3,5,28,33,0,1,13,0,12,13,9,14,1,4,49,10,104,22,65,38,16,82,0,3,3,3,79,32,4,6,40,328,132,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396868356829628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755143489709458,0.07332251652847444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754236185854285,0.06224812348374091,0.06537048677559654,0.0,0.0,0.05376805069990688,0.058384499741920885,0.08525132841323085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799756341090103,0.1425865066610812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748839851126224,0.07737074281627411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257116683597316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061932843437496776,0.07225127345109071,0.0,0.09236967804604143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853239059222052,0.0,0.06591911821877704,0.0,0.1767810428578881,0.04995447291153345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947821564247845,0.0,0.07666921306480289,0.37816746558892456,0.1292891722689283,0.0730659098594956,0.13415696784636344,0.039740019899878264,0.0,0.11185090772918983,0.07709261945116654,0.0,0.0,0.18550348430867505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176327930296192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046869290079196164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596717961174344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03842898125892464,0.056998252195960025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080924790609767,0.0,0.0617451042161237,0.06188147282561069,0.11743886942188025,0.07822824985716514,0.0,0.11889556159658772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024911581847063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232540455344221,0.07431926678410578,0.0,0.0,0.10786102555744226,0.0,0.0,0.19685978040534274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675137671183233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227783788911133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044795780450577465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971561448502635,0.06651473951257943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365714342184989,0.0,0.0,0.14355412720293562,0.05784272767381909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053831723188611486,0.0,0.0,0.04949331348238069,0.07453080427998289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310084932782421,0.0,0.07648666033513317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051498774178134,0.05620311009879006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858203965120923,0.0,0.0,0.11102536514845264,0.08154772321092392,0.0,0.0,0.2672655446155167,0.1553786168675438,0.0949490440183398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039279604848804,0.07701256860224151,0.0,0.1649744353758329,0.055503253524329534,0.056089660911299376,0.0,0.06287102166330208,0.06482122607719226,0.0,0.07806882618947843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181254496904553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005888503916655
suicidewatch,Toughwhit,2018/02/19,"Please help, I'd appreciate the advice Hi...so uh this is a throwaway but I'll get to the point. Im a final year mechanical engineering student and ive been having frequent panic attacks over the past week. The reason is I have no idea what to do now. I'm done with my degree and I don't know what I want to specialise in. My grades are good (3.0+ CGPA on 5) and I've done some great projects. But I just don't have the confidence in myself whether I'll survive out there or not. I'm freaking out because I have no idea what I want to do, what to do in the next phase, not sure I'll be employed. Even if I do get employed I'm not sure I'll do well. 

Ive posted the same at the engineering subs but I assume it's not the right place to post it.
I'm getting so anxious and losing my shit that I've gotten tunnel vision in the bad way. I can't see anything else but a negative future. I've lazied out on life, taken everything for granted and damn straight not worth a dime. I know I have gotten too comfortable, too too comfortable.  I don't remember the last time I worked hard. It's just too pitiful.
I've just got the tip a few minutes ago and thought I'd post this here. Any advice and help is appreciated. Rest assured I won't ""jump"". I haven't given up completely yet. Please help me out.",0.9169806763285032,2.8216342246376835,3.018405797101451,91.62900966183577,81.7536231884058,5.828019323671497,22.17874396135266,6.937597516519254,0.5249164251207734,1010,33,228,12,27,342,145,276,0.19,0.632,0.17800000000000002,-0.5962,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,14,16,3,1,17,0,26,2,1,1,3,42,44,15,0,3,15,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,8,0,2,1,14,8,2,0,9,2,22,8,21,33,4,34,0,2,1,0,3,17,2,4,12,134,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340245547742577,0.10614567362948372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142990542317029,0.0,0.0,0.13527643558893573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853896300095208,0.0,0.0,0.13622588476037134,0.0,0.0,0.09998109000185428,0.07299472271354296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554911956566706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450790089663089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000305984241686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908966536483443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761802644758707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117350440826395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768361488120344,0.0,0.0,0.10043543702260672,0.09577007358026307,0.13201798692969655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726694478741708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407852801914041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703524004446639,0.12934387633594013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161614643995598,0.09760719725172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457860300721694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339627079829364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734891358728415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404935753394924,0.0,0.0,0.11430902777747792,0.0,0.0,0.12510680823539014,0.2628855172021407,0.11319661679260272,0.0,0.3440444448305886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231165927334678,0.0,0.0,0.13564640811697154,0.10226057006114242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954203231684786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291531292944267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257142710056263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506321947146797,0.06982358579621051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125601781488833,0.0950470726055955,0.09605127149388858,0.0,0.1076640769932599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717492884981486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711109567067531
suicidewatch,nobodiesbody,2018/02/19,"I'm going to kill myself I dont know when or how but I would like to be dead by the end if the week. I wrote a couple drafts for notes but I dont know if I'll shred them and go without. I'm not sure how helpful notes are to people left behind. 

I'm nervous for failure. I was so tempted to try today. A semi was driving past as I was walking, and had I not thought that it might have been too slow and I wouldn't die, I would've jumped in front of it.

I wish I had someone I knew to talk to but here will have to do.",-1.3108653846153828,0.3484168750000016,1.285,102.29076923076923,88.58333333333334,3.692307692307692,16.73076923076923,3.1291,-1.2201153846153847,395,9,105,0,13,135,75,120,0.156,0.736,0.108,-0.779,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,1,4,0,17,0,0,2,1,24,28,14,3,5,9,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,9,0,14,2,15,14,0,14,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,7,70,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176465051338041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414513626731665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610654638461265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421917428373151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358002858251086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318448913960002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762110270002505,0.0,0.21620403688558465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371679133420252,0.0,0.0,0.09609843333047624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086692422118208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777387065675755,0.1363680760699027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666457073752025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538886714923786,0.0,0.0,0.15810124144341434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615904556549298,0.0,0.0,0.1864500537421372,0.0,0.0,0.13354742919723306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577821050584083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261970556331438,0.18961325866891884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27946225104788097,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressioncentral,2018/02/19,"That's my secret Cap, I'm always suicidal™. I don't think any job will ever hire me no matter how many shitty times I have my resume redone by professionals or fake my way through interviews.

All because I can't afford medication for my depression or anxiety. All because of me not keeping my anxiety in check. 
I wish I was mildy well-off like my friends. They don't know how this feels.
Everyone always say money can't buy happiness but for me? 
It can when you're poor.  
Having to hate your entire being because you weren't born into a financially stable family isn't a good feeling and I wish a lot of ppl who didn't struggle paycheck to paycheck knew that. 

I've gone to every job workshop and employment agency with no damn help. I'm tired of this. Nothing will change and me being locked up in a mental institution to prevent me from killing myself won't help either.",4.254424188528233,5.733191427745666,5.628901734104044,78.40861716318366,71.13872832369944,8.328857269897734,28.33659404179636,8.841846274778883,2.3339189862160965,699,26,128,13,13,235,117,173,0.227,0.648,0.125,-0.9656,4,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,2,1,0,4,10,3,1,4,0,16,2,0,2,3,27,28,9,1,2,5,0,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,6,0,4,1,11,6,0,0,5,3,21,4,17,18,4,10,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,3,5,81,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566128770972059,0.0,0.0,0.10486103099309303,0.0,0.235924578215287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28199597584031155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312275440672944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281190886112196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948238659666445,0.12991983248525502,0.14734434732602558,0.0,0.0,0.14536568062636718,0.0,0.15593592457707273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913424579245185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933532735549108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414836542323308,0.0,0.15224020311818606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671351307294208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060386637695621,0.13705970947396456,0.17059903566083265,0.0,0.08474407982736408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533414660293504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310950047722194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633421457166238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533989699047382,0.15539695128648998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147958696522975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262572888807342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120292570718536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880489175501694,0.0,0.0,0.08991503988830575,0.17722978231992526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239648289536333,0.0,0.0,0.13864397920841207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35464391165709874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cats81,2018/02/19,"My cat and fear of death keep me going. That's pretty much it. I'm just your average white guy whose approaching middle age. No wife, no kids, no girlfriend.

I work a job that pays very well, but leaves me with little time to socialize, particularly since I currently work the midnight shift. I go to work on average 6 days a week ranging anywhere from 8 to 16 hour shifts, with 2 days off inbetween.

I rarely have time to talk to family let alone visit, and my only friend I regularly talk to is my ex, who has her own host of problems, but is currently my best and only real friend.

I really have only kept going because I'm very afraid of death. I want to die, but I don't want to die at the same time. I also love my cat, very very much. I've always loved cats, and I know she's very attached to me. The thought of dying and leaving her alone is the other thing which mainly motivates me. It's weird, but the thought of her losing me hurts me more than thinking of how my family would miss me..

Don't get me wrong, I know my family loves me...but I've always been the one who ""doesn't need anything"". I'm the strong smart one, so my family doesn't worry about me. They know I'm troubled, and have been for awhile, but that falls to the wayside I suppose, or I guess I don't reach out to them enough.

So I live in a nice apartment, alone with my cat. I come home from work, play videogames or watch Netflix for 4 hours before going to sleep, getting up and going back to work. I don't have any kind of life to speak of, and I don't see myself having one any time soon.

I'm approaching the age where I'll be to old to have kids, I'm not quite there, but another couple years I'll be there. I don't want to be 50 when my child turns 10.

I'm rambling at this point, but it's hard for me to see a reason to keep going. After my cat goes (which hopefully won't be for several more years since I love her so much) I don't really see anything else tethering me to life. It just seems so hollow.",3.3512142857142853,3.800163978571426,4.616666666666667,88.68000000000002,72.30952380952381,8.0,23.57142857142857,8.07648339933343,0.9638571428571424,1541,36,353,21,28,511,199,420,0.121,0.7240000000000001,0.154,0.9685,3,3,0,0,0,2,56.0,0,1,2,10,16,23,0,2,13,0,28,7,1,3,0,48,69,24,5,7,12,2,1,0,3,2,2,2,1,4,15,13,0,3,9,2,1,11,14,9,1,3,5,8,52,14,47,57,10,43,0,3,5,4,29,12,0,5,20,204,67,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137557305740602,0.0,0.05697732180719708,0.11856875708522845,0.0,0.0,0.09690271394149018,0.07471016237475384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726272914293888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547856236876983,0.0,0.04343236491305177,0.0,0.0606271429084196,0.0,0.07477080283755574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137419006367972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883500229584148,0.0,0.0918986508701994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183377963856607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595188979658028,0.0,0.0,0.07361864577053187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686666120529506,0.08017426114497574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009267819826744,0.0,0.07444869936429635,0.0,0.24295265466041635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848814806511703,0.07054712021867111,0.0,0.0,0.06382457410514829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146795703406117,0.07076574000095798,0.140330649300133,0.0,0.07627288856351035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070304575836935,0.12665770777071758,0.0,0.07419424729440069,0.11746877626475136,0.0,0.0,0.1508835417640976,0.0,0.07285631887180306,0.10064970762507017,0.0,0.07140961701877381,0.06291364481524947,0.0,0.0,0.07970873785888076,0.0,0.0,0.2572178602312073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712732154235656,0.052829787732762375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476321324332401,0.0,0.14483928454757752,0.16256286222936486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735276996328735,0.0,0.0,0.07248523969370621,0.0,0.06817509896846577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578144629011745,0.0,0.08109628040400657,0.0912871022332353,0.0732552242637598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703272568993174,0.06486186981201733,0.0,0.0804904148713962,0.0,0.1178748297606911,0.0,0.07129985733089829,0.07262877391416958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453353431523683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733427278975174,0.045653099493113684,0.0,0.11312654625998846,0.16618206605098282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749780252042596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939369693516384,0.1260724614841747,0.0,0.05715117091760909,0.0,0.06406087051455557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593484282372659,0.07235621130649622,0.0,0.05061282098101304,0.07789894346687345,0.0,0.09176327059031744
suicidewatch,_DoesntMatter,2018/02/19,"I am not depressed enough to be administrated. I've had a look at a place where I could stay in for 2 weeks and get more intense therapy, but I feel like I'm not depressed enough to be administrated there. It's for people who are going through a crisis and I am not in a crisis. I was advised to go there because my day structure has been completely vanished. I'm scared of sleeping to the point that I sleep in around 5 am every night. I'm scared of my thoughts because I will tell myself to die and think of events and how worthless I am. It's not always dangerous, but it's always so unpleasant that I do anything to avoid it. It fucked up my day to day structure. I don't do anything but sit on the couch and watch stupid youtube videos or scroll on reddit. Stopped going to lectures, only sometimes hang out with friends. But I avoid even fun things like vacations, because I'm afraid I won't like it which makes thoughts worse. At the facility they told me it could really benefit me to get some structure back, but I don't wanna waste this opportunity when I'm really in a crisis. I've thought of ways to kill myself, but never seriously. They are always passing thoughts I dismiss immediately. I haven't had anti-depressives yet, because I try to avoid that and only use it if I really must. What to do? I don't know",4.568700918964076,5.429092093984966,5.52220551378446,81.79194653299919,69.78947368421052,8.317126148705098,30.191311612364245,8.515128840125781,2.152724143692565,1051,41,212,16,18,346,138,266,0.233,0.632,0.135,-0.9901,0,3,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,1,10,21,4,6,8,0,25,3,2,3,2,41,47,17,2,5,12,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,16,9,0,4,7,1,0,5,10,14,0,0,9,3,27,7,32,31,4,33,0,3,2,1,7,14,1,3,14,140,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690353641219805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738130352068393,0.09594369199170433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287326599802887,0.0,0.26279755075023514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300132356891683,0.0,0.0,0.1721010949901238,0.0,0.0,0.20852025109288272,0.0,0.2784825193838746,0.0,0.11185470804124484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222723305958307,0.0,0.07118518152709538,0.0,0.0908061196687256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054494898726897965,0.07699535816343084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326764569451345,0.09963738525605904,0.11261726070319425,0.0,0.18375514066768694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923842689179058,0.0,0.059230995813460724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579620616970197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050488661405122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194146847460738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831236705207316,0.0,0.0,0.10114068815636999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393735456016642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471846556741743,0.0,0.1126032183020402,0.0,0.10188337094946498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071326325138529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215805610051586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570812357227329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659344441694604,0.0,0.0,0.11487511798810195,0.0,0.09010575174211237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420117290081034,0.0,0.1232515084617417,0.0,0.0716017362892444,0.06905865450203548,0.0,0.3422491423328439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298480362738968,0.0,0.07317298357260378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308405616608534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554775248874255,0.08645158840488533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983318297914577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zurahh,2018/02/19,"anyone only not kill themselves because of other people? For me its my dad, if he wasn’t here i would have killed myself years ago, part of me wishes he would not talk to me anymore so i can be at peace without any guilt.",3.950362318840584,4.38294345652174,4.7552173913043525,88.2803623188406,70.95652173913044,6.133333333333334,24.02898550724637,3.1291,0.2574289855072465,173,4,36,0,3,56,39,46,0.085,0.715,0.2,0.6312,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,6,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478703884903048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244591030365564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514873258161444,0.17731192612708102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458253746317288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611065564174335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928621646629841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27460691096375744,0.0,0.17580331277506414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038213253471058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291609245113115,0.2444460608433285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36027779334959403,0.0,0.0,0.16329987144573274
suicidewatch,thetwistygymnast,2018/02/19,"I don't want to waste my parent's time and money I want to disappear or die before my parents get any older. I should have died ages ago, so that they didn't have to invest time and money on me. They deserve a better daughter who can think, act, study and date like a normal person.",6.0458757062146935,4.719284661016953,6.680000000000002,82.1987570621469,66.79661016949152,8.544632768361582,26.446327683615817,6.42735559955562,1.0710632768361577,221,4,46,1,3,73,45,59,0.189,0.687,0.124,-0.4788,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,10,5,2,4,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,4,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,7,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256263259864225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630679280384696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404676349802853,0.0,0.0,0.21207802692645736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977359710337282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528230280345892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715108158621945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349468973615993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325250169648201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937859565002093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365011030281722,0.0,0.0,0.27965125109342354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28287305540066043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zyrobe,2018/02/19,Anyone know how to find out if someone died in Israel? I'm very far from Israel and she's a friend. I'm very worried about her.,-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.4642428571428567,100,2,23,0,4,33,24,28,0.201,0.693,0.106,-0.4391,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508002022047093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37225737732833664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278306904220913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771183792381366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971233535376468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039118008428163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5919037514789262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642610268588037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NothingNever,2018/02/19,"Life is wasted on me I feel so ashamed; i had a shot at life and all i did was waste it feeling sad and scared.
i m sorry.",-1.817011494252874,-0.4109901724137917,1.2006896551724149,103.67160919540231,88.65517241379311,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-1.2959747126436785,91,2,26,0,3,32,24,29,0.4970000000000001,0.46,0.043,-0.9412,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,5,0,2,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403572550764417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6151480795885594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359654219593357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874551045336046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LLemmon,2018/02/19,i took 1500mg (1.5 g) of acetaminophen in one dose I took 1500mg of acetaminophen earlier. What will happen after that (assuming after an hour or so) are there any noticable symptoms?,4.461960784313725,6.837325588235295,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,72.52941176470588,8.062745098039215,28.98039215686275,8.841846274778883,2.6116980392156868,146,6,25,3,3,47,27,34,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151796349685843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798133019913007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31161457365930484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602515986162492,0.0,0.0,0.21441755420030129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288864022761445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7031189307291429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NEVANK,2018/02/19,"I FUCKING HATE It's 5am. Can't remember the last time I slept well. Fucking hate complaining but I guess it's my last hope. My friends and family know how not okay I am but they all have their own lives to worry about. I wish I was never born. Honestly. Some people think I don't know what that entails but believe me I know exactly what that entails. I dont know how I'd do it, probably hang by shoelace. I'd like to use a helium hood but don't have the money for equipment. Dont even have money to feed myself. I was severely abused as a kid. For most of my adolescent years. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I'm going fucking crazy. If I had the balls to do it right fucking now I would. I hate this I hate this I hate this. Please God give me a heart attack, a fucking stroke I don't care. I don't care anymore any nobocares that I don't care. I seriously can't wait for my death. ",-0.6292063492063491,1.5338850634920649,1.6557544973545006,96.65683809523813,92.54497354497354,5.140402116402116,18.67111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.08569866666666702,683,21,160,10,25,229,100,189,0.381,0.515,0.103,-0.9972,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,6,27,16,0,7,1,19,14,2,3,3,26,51,9,1,4,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,12,1,1,1,6,1,2,2,11,18,1,0,4,1,28,9,11,46,4,10,0,0,0,10,6,1,10,5,8,94,40,0,0.0,0.09435410317534784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054154330026058135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897622863677495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905959731018646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972104207272305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435786666279568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866625617768884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525979714400974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750725123389391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152557535386925,0.7362100133255102,0.0,0.07639286519712511,0.04525823789665743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772660538731447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931139206250707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436750856479008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909523031241468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750606044309434,0.12982582616101498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890549424061555,0.0,0.07031890327704121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061419193633457686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055208677335001566,0.0,0.0,0.08741499197164025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858596806956181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021059663328117,0.06800760274699019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899645492594115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051026703300700686,0.0,0.0,0.046435636749921134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877881635925295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160116332131844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157598037957378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808729082426551,0.0,0.05657020942902664,0.0,0.0,0.05128213893801811
suicidewatch,whythefxckamihere,2018/02/19,"tired of feeling like i’m wrapped in a damn lie i don’t really know why i’m posting i guess i’m just trying to get my thoughts straight i’m not expecting answers although they are welcome

i just love being alone, physically. i don’t think i can stand “normal” people anymore, that includes every single member of my family and the very few friends i have. i hate having to fake smiles, fake ambitions, fake a will to live, fake a future. i’m tired of having to fake being a “normal” person who thinks this life is normal and it’s the way it should be. that’s the only moment when i feel alone, when i’m with people. i haven’t found a single person around me who thinks even slightly like the way i do. it’s fuckin frustrating. 
i am alone in this world wrapped with lies, laws, morals, judgments and so much more BS, it’s just not made for me or i’m not for it. 

the best way i can describe my mindset is that i KNOW, i don’t think, i know that their is no meaning to our lives and even if there were, i don’t care anymore. i’m well aware of the making your own meaning thing or just letting the universe to its thing and live for the moment but it just doesn’t work. 
i don’t really wanna die like i don’t crave death but i wish i could just take an exit door out of this world with no coming back. 

but how do i stay sane in the meantime?

how do i cope with being surrounded with deluded people ? including my own parents

how do i cope being told every single day that i’m supposed to spend 40 years with all kinds of trash people, (i know there are good people, people who understand and just wanna be nice and help, but we’re just not enough. ) working every day for no reason at all!?
how do i cope with the constant mindfuck that this world creates or that i created ?

if anyone understood even just a small part of what i said, feel free to reply


excuse the english mistakes as it’s not my main language

i’m always anxious ( i was shaking during the whole writing) and overthinking every single detail but i tried to write without thinking too much so, sorry if it’s a mess i hope it’s understandable
thanks for reading",3.4903363163972294,4.6765132263279465,4.430374566974597,87.39962651558893,72.62586605080831,6.798181293302541,24.84764722863741,7.04035,0.9427136836027712,1669,49,342,15,32,541,201,433,0.134,0.735,0.131,0.6139,1,3,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,1,2,3,26,27,4,1,20,0,36,5,0,7,2,88,79,29,2,14,26,1,3,3,1,2,3,1,1,2,27,18,0,0,21,1,2,2,17,12,1,0,8,4,41,16,38,61,17,31,1,0,0,2,19,13,2,8,13,232,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477030668465477,0.0,0.0,0.06633488138860376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006288426512919,0.15812510589922504,0.05574330039307365,0.0,0.0,0.07096925843587779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130110390736149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366305693825737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128163609094506,0.0,0.0,0.06867322755638504,0.0,0.08615088879678065,0.0,0.06365132940948169,0.0,0.0,0.10282786553738528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273858882702924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237387749063722,0.0,0.15796638965190493,0.0,0.2686760469833179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515456972699766,0.0,0.120929134711241,0.05695323328120374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741078271206991,0.06159282537461645,0.0,0.04165132336098066,0.0,0.0,0.0668668205316354,0.0,0.0,0.08782249422701156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870872210825443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053435807767047185,0.0,0.0,0.07918168469904856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301793347556237,0.17525195297522414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152088947508153,0.05630982883886921,0.11684405870694617,0.0,0.21118729431621472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719519908486638,0.07543464631815583,0.05321488638223781,0.0,0.0,0.17368071137785066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720931655915673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343311619204272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063198237191322,0.0,0.0,0.08852156762399907,0.08633088513682799,0.0,0.3316141363360153,0.13921991210471693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635139823611242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974332265048406,0.0,0.10214358736337664,0.08196723541833374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758336392179971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924197088050492,0.0,0.08497277691851242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059940833613360535,0.0,0.0,0.0733970753523126,0.0,0.0,0.10592717502695903,0.2554123880813714,0.0,0.06329016355180822,0.0,0.18325684543518667,0.0,0.0761775473913625,0.0,0.10825166874206524,0.0,0.0,0.16598630410573112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577879190772329,0.0,0.1898382403975143,0.0,0.0,0.07167942638007388,0.0,0.07193647837897704,0.0890064855219914,0.09167607674673572,0.07684892097854254,0.0,0.11607676523469695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051338192455400215
suicidewatch,BigDirection,2018/02/19,"Am i the only one? My mom is really the only thing keeping me here. I woke up in a really bad place and found a card with my name on it. My mom had got me roses for absolutely no reason other than her love for me. Instead of making me happy, it made me really sad. I love her more than anything in this world. I don't deserve this. She doesn’t understand what’s going on in my head, I told her about my depression and how i have been growing more tired of life every single day but she wouldn’t listen, she didn’t take me seriously, eventually she just walked away and started doing the dishes. It hurt at first, but i don’t blame her, she’s just scared. Even if she doesn’t understand me or my life her pressence still calms me like nothing else, just the sounds of her cooking in the evening, or how she asks about my day every time i come home, she loves me and never judges me for my mistakes. I just know my death would destroy her, i know she would see it as her fault and she will never be the same again. I love her, and i will fight on for her, i  have no doubts as much as it hurts, she is more important than me. ",2.4886911487758923,3.6182609576271183,3.773333333333333,91.3619679849341,75.01694915254237,6.9393596986817325,21.161958568738235,7.3871296695380915,0.4101015065913365,870,19,200,10,18,285,123,236,0.203,0.691,0.106,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,14,19,2,2,8,0,19,10,1,5,2,37,41,16,1,5,9,2,0,1,0,5,3,2,1,0,10,8,2,1,6,1,0,4,10,12,0,2,8,3,54,7,26,27,6,25,0,4,1,4,32,12,0,4,10,152,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973298799425736,0.0,0.11057074169630764,0.0,0.11112283643871353,0.0,0.09875431189908199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188305515538733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525546048852062,0.0,0.10186969967996032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880321284803914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156238454317472,0.0,0.1993028250438456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060427484558464,0.0,0.1296819432131288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721815443167115,0.0,0.09459496507557506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590546158105925,0.0,0.0,0.12138381417177956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863902074779648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532307116171799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512785759999377,0.0,0.0,0.13000120298994144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708162996039405,0.05778297259556658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269896093731945,0.1119142423464736,0.07894918292456331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27704345533910185,0.0,0.0,0.08694540571809428,0.0,0.18244125421539592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348762403223035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014589846815992,0.17990625529013024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357173502456535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273091228288521,0.12160593966846772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841346128570684,0.0,0.09424950613677416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371533777223822,0.0,0.09445421126202652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892774483441471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857635791812005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896684332510677,0.13593920043837707,0.0,0.11301640448024496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462559628839047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680376987860206,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodbye124,2018/02/19,"Motions Grind, grind, grind. That is all my life is. School, homework (that i usually skip), videogames, sleep, repeat. My life is going nowhere. I am somewhat outgoing, so i can hide the pain. Noone has any idea that i am suffering. This is killing me, if it doesnt, i will. 

Kind words or directions dont faze me.

I have tried finding answers on google, to no avail. I have only sunk deeper into self hatred/pity. People seem to victimize suicidal people. They seem to attack me, telling me why i, a free thinking individual, should not take MY own life.

I am stuck going through the motions.

Wake up early,
Contemplate,
Drag through the day,
Get home,
Contemplate,
Play videogames,
Contemplate,
'Me time',
Contemplate,
Listen to music,
Contemplate,
Fall asleep late.

Repeat

I am good at everything, but great at nothing.
I can half-ass my way through honors classes.
I have no sense of direction.
My 'friends' hate me.
My parents dont care enough to inquire.
My self respect is gone.

I once cared and tried. 

I have been raised on incentives, but they seem to have disappeared.

I no longer care enough to try.

I do things that drive me deeper into my crisis. 
I hang out with the druggies and those who dont care, as well.

I have little to no social life, let alone a chance to have kids, which seems to be a major point in all if these '10 reasons not to kill yourself' lists.


My dispair is unending.
I see no end to my futile grind

Grind grind grind, till the day i die, which i hope is soon.


This is not a call for hope,
This is not a plead for attention, 
But a post of my thoughts, 
Maybe my last

Do not be suprised if you dont hear from me

",2.491869130257246,4.797443256329117,3.0608003266639483,91.27399142507149,78.46202531645571,6.48248264597795,24.434054716210696,7.601502580125103,1.14929799918334,1263,45,260,19,31,393,174,316,0.2,0.6829999999999999,0.117,-0.9709,1,1,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,1,2,1,3,22,5,0,11,0,36,8,3,1,2,37,58,12,4,6,12,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,2,3,14,6,0,0,12,1,1,9,15,7,1,0,4,3,44,16,32,49,7,35,0,1,1,0,14,11,0,11,13,165,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208615272165352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060463297679492385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115038423678284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078922623159384,0.0,0.3626073709861757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468193733487422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227675406320186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168174191390384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787497571209479,0.18373999707262773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990848982281196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126407651490816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869329148256507,0.0,0.046452918483092624,0.0,0.10106162550910124,0.07457527667150958,0.0,0.0980259377841091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778232135184308,0.0,0.0,0.1002104330312366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918611636212262,0.1766196148343577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037097293373376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967361979813967,0.0925883017678098,0.0,0.07247525331660776,0.10029675596474844,0.0,0.0,0.09091867743637533,0.2512050689173879,0.0,0.08911331283438913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932418570849167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531358720598094,0.0,0.0,0.09468851722424143,0.0,0.06762168179341324,0.09460877564305603,0.0,0.09872639889961908,0.0,0.0,0.12328095244059002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405070228038222,0.0,0.08515324345384173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141647846750844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998382287688676,0.0708514565309496,0.32376905727205485,0.1855094862920055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897634179588483,0.09063472009505323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725543976457264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668508568987878,0.0,0.07771312103401108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059069268748388665,0.05697130312181569,0.0,0.07058630005038395,0.05184537831778668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109650082972198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792415035501208,0.0,0.0,0.07057431068661442,0.0,0.0,0.0799426832537984,0.0,0.08022936839576801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tkgivinleftover,2018/02/19,"My new nightly ritual This is my new plan. Hold a gun to my head for an hour and list all the ways in which I'm a piece of shit and deserve to die and all the ways in which the world would be better off without me.

I'll do this every night at the same time until I can finally get over my cowardice and pull the trigger.",2.188169014084508,2.736470633802817,3.742366197183099,93.52340845070424,75.05633802816901,6.806760563380282,22.65070422535211,6.742157984588678,0.3309301408450698,249,6,61,2,5,83,51,71,0.132,0.8290000000000001,0.039,-0.7906,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,8,0,5,2,2,1,2,11,7,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,11,5,4,17,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,8,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470280286837467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402133541027996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501050032370204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25354722334076096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092548627192602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375392152883983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279361782055773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470806295198935,0.0,0.4344089643387808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375848418467467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496305051989782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674358088476624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231139946806308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441872164278845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HiddenOne94,2018/02/19,"Think of dying everyday Everyday I think about wanting to die. I wish I could just not deal with all of life's problems. I feel so alone. I don't have much family or friends. Even if I am with people my anxiety and depression make me feel lost. Nothing ever seems to go right or get better. I've tried getting help but it don't seem to work, or maybe I don't want it to. I try to give my self ultimatums, like if I don't feel a bit better in a few days or if something don't go right, then I'm done. So far I scrap by, more because I'm scared to actually do it. But I want to so bad. I cry at work and try to hid it. I have to occupy my mind consistently or I start to panic. It keeps me up at night. 
Sorry I'm rambling so much.
I'm 24, male. I've been treated like shit by the people who should of cared the most and I'd love to stick it to them by ending it. 
I don't know why I'm posting this. Just trying everything to maybe feel something, feel better. ",-0.030682839173405082,1.6814481509433996,2.5961994609164414,94.42984276729557,84.0,5.924887690925428,19.05750224618149,7.07126945348624,0.096225696316262,736,19,181,10,21,256,113,212,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.14,-0.6777,0,1,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,6,9,16,1,2,4,0,14,3,1,1,2,41,44,18,2,10,13,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,3,5,21,9,26,39,7,18,0,2,0,1,9,7,1,11,10,103,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.10528848099641176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174511515826273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253822341893148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008655622047056,0.06577086918545585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862690682382867,0.1177917453218483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000460229499072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614417122956401,0.0,0.11851593087800673,0.06958237430547351,0.1112334491019985,0.09292850358533564,0.0,0.2239528138479499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041249859994087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556160636621208,0.0,0.0,0.07126263161579073,0.09759583740712004,0.0,0.0,0.09696771049132226,0.0,0.10171237872499622,0.0,0.2727709482230221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335824160796264,0.0,0.11273978924976782,0.10350126557290301,0.12263671189229974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231873107412072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590069002452843,0.0,0.0,0.05929543964546136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620836174837857,0.10542261718426912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777848804192576,0.0,0.09737808585427606,0.0,0.07201974140999509,0.0,0.21678702222655336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894166645353597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862825692793942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125073009347513,0.0,0.10352671216174188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265897618559806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959951979897065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333213751052517,0.0,0.0,0.10323949720299508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428089939366776,0.0,0.0,0.10802020420411136,0.0,0.0,0.19644435954940545,0.1125564392472215,0.0,0.11075111551964084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661233573606742,0.0,0.12077792705534285,0.07636756651639964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826758182213852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29301038562796744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909151249019898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735709165262643,0.0,0.12407218711992901,0.0,0.0,0.15709548933100684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VengefulSpark,2018/02/19,"A few months before I have to end it Failing University for the third time, can't handle the workload, my transition and all the isolation at once 

I'll have a few months before my parents realise I've failed again. I'll be kicked out so I'll have no where to go. So I may as well end it in some comfort 

Nembutal, quick, painless and a drift off to sleep. Get some, set it aside for when my time away is almost up 

Then have some last good feelings from drugs if I can get some from my friends, maybe even find a way to get some Heroin and see how pure happiness feels 

I'm just a waste of a person, I will end up a jobless, futureless homeless druggie if I stay alive because I fail at everything I do.

And I'm trans anyway so at least my Dysphoria will stop. Maybe I'll get to come back as a real person this time. 

I have too many problems I can't solve. I fail over and over.

If I die. 

No more worries, no more pain.
I won't have to face their questions, their anger and their judgement from failing.


I can escape the consequences ",2.253977154724815,3.8561533177570086,3.327975077881621,92.37805815160955,76.57009345794394,6.437798546209764,24.038421599169265,7.1686216300943375,0.767214745586708,806,26,179,9,18,259,120,214,0.231,0.6779999999999999,0.091,-0.9856,2,1,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,5,14,13,1,0,12,0,17,4,2,1,2,29,28,17,1,4,4,1,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,8,1,1,0,3,21,5,25,23,11,33,0,5,1,0,8,12,0,11,15,118,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691630767838642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846323969007767,0.1051376698655249,0.0,0.0833499253332912,0.0,0.2326959558708719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177816167606768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190515150235286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585645066916283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633091452491165,0.0,0.0,0.09030951084866412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228849721660538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827056536760807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249696221612707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563800205143932,0.0,0.2857451370929151,0.0,0.07770735666059819,0.11468344375390835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555265153169386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145398325368626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862373467661454,0.2747292584025249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827469872905012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561401209492095,0.0,0.0,0.14549138379840118,0.0,0.151823552262541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387764040871599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083306469696196,0.0,0.0,0.15316996977046446,0.0,0.0,0.15562976895256173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895687408229048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682970744747128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573701283938234,0.0,0.11431320662410582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391867704788349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853067331885988,0.0,0.0,0.12293755555017664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885692897150928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skal1x,2018/02/19,"Roses are red, violets are blue, Here I sit,
Feeling suicidal too.

I don't want to live this life anymore.",2.21142857142857,4.340778000000004,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,78.52380952380952,8.009523809523811,29.54761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.7025047619047617,82,4,16,2,2,28,19,21,0.257,0.675,0.068,-0.6395,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920552225075678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508722948604581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504509318884654,0.0,0.0,0.4381164332068516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427161106836698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926467293025475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bruhuha,2018/02/19,"I don't know anymore In the past year I've come out as gay, my dad attempted to sue me. My entire family blocked me out of there life because my dad molested me as a child and I told them. A year ago I confessed my love to my best friend at the time because I was confused about feelings and we stopped being friends. We started being friends again in October and due to recent events and me having no where else to live I moved in with her and her family.  I don't have a job and she lives in the middle of no where and I don't have a car.  She's been very mean to me lately and I've felt so alone.  I have no friends no family.  I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and ptsd  . I'm prescribed things for them. There all safe and I can't overdose on them and I found that out a couple minutes ago when I googled how much I needed to take to over dose. Oh and I was also in a trap house a year ago selling things with not good people and they stole all the money I had at the time so I left and went back to my moms who I hadn't seen in a couple years because she has scitzophrenia and doesn't take anything thing for it so voices in her head tell her things about me and she believes them so I'm not able to live with her for more then a couple months.  I moved in with another best friend but I lost my job and couldn't pay rent so I had to leave and I had no where else to go then my other best friend and her moms.  But lately she hasn't been treating me like a best friend and she's like my only family and it makes me so alone and terrible. Please someone talk to me. ",1.2562952101661793,2.8222991700879803,2.753850439882701,95.5641089931574,79.29325513196481,6.071593352883676,20.45757575757576,6.88968998030894,0.12298467253176915,1231,31,294,13,30,402,152,341,0.107,0.747,0.146,0.9679,3,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,5,6,18,22,1,1,15,0,22,6,1,2,2,54,42,38,0,2,4,4,2,2,7,0,3,1,1,1,9,34,0,3,6,0,4,6,15,5,0,0,15,4,58,17,41,24,8,49,1,2,1,2,37,20,0,1,25,203,67,3,0.07681250158662803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426894416621225,0.0,0.0,0.1591091724106598,0.0,0.06142692976723396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054460531897033,0.058761353468708075,0.0,0.0761773614390484,0.0,0.0,0.0632101439564998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059064072367354836,0.0,0.14047256405803424,0.0,0.0,0.08654138553634777,0.3224399258416586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616716867317399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549747160254219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615849506210156,0.07796307221997134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833397742140693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28964796143318683,0.0,0.03883870875963463,0.0,0.0737520473319662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842209432899435,0.41541603728926135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043654314796474414,0.06442668198640979,0.061433974474386525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883178703512457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863131378709334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524491109225948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042214142051550683,0.0,0.17329569501357364,0.08133334833056345,0.0834570077242177,0.0,0.054254941486183234,0.07505341665180866,0.0,0.20348053851377465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384991922729225,0.0,0.06932628164221992,0.0,0.051272941267924116,0.0,0.0,0.08367133258429907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992374699859,0.061311005932435075,0.1632790660805108,0.05646602682587978,0.05695549663881112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841936876051612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332622428015709,0.05325211700425347,0.0,0.0,0.08431706038080422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978970384415666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584307858755691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508298332836074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436828397479128,0.0,0.0,0.06421869076256291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550688351874693,0.0617389791694847,0.0671375120347677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412325170902654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957997476987528,0.0,0.0,0.07339763699346237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337835826490533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120595852232718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978589304999981
suicidewatch,TheVectorEffect,2018/02/19,"I couldn't do it I tried hanging myself. I backed just before I lost enough strength to move myself. The feeling of not being able to breathe is terrifying. I don't know what to do now, I thought I could end everything today but now I don't know what to do. I don't have any more methods and I don't want to live anymore. I can't continue like this I don't know what to do anymore.",-0.31265060240964004,1.816095385542173,1.8638674698795192,96.48278915662651,89.12048192771084,4.765783132530121,21.55301204819277,6.2581,0.17324192771084368,299,11,70,3,10,100,45,83,0.115,0.821,0.063,-0.5571,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,15,1,1,0,0,12,22,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,2,1,14,2,7,17,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,51,19,0,0.23149377414703176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742370467974634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591592394422892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800442306116293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698415147700776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184828941836563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503477290181987,0.23919495088033746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080516773986264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705020781838978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816687725579926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309616484604575,0.0,0.2044132437343784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527028004934653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460412463168636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378019856724587,0.0,0.0,0.2194290300348473,0.0,0.0,0.15716907699540994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136541025788792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CNTRLR56,2018/02/19,"I have to vent. I have to vent and honestly I don't know where else to do it. I got married to my wife in 2016. She had a 5 month old son when we met from a guy who didn't stick around and had never met his son. When I made that commitment to her for the rest of our lives, I made the commitment to her son too.

Time passed, and we had a daughter who is an absolute joy. My wife suffered from postpartum depression, and had a related surgery later on down the road that worsened it. In december 2017 she told me she was no longer happy and wanted a divorce. We moved into separate places. January of this year she gave me the paperwork, and told me she was seeing someone new. A guy who had been her ""best friend"" since high school. The one she had spent the last two years assuring me she had no feelings for. And that he had no feelings for her either. 

But yesterday she dropped a bomb on me. I had told her I wanted to remain her sons father. That innocent little 2 year old has never met his real father and I'm all he knows. I walk in and he runs up to me yelling ""daddy daddy daddy!!!"" I love him. And yesterday she told me she didn't want me to be his father anymore. This ""best friend"" has apparently had feelings for her the entire time and wants to step up and be the father to her son. Now she tells me I can't see her son anymore, only my daughter. If he calls me dad, I'm supposed to correct him and tell him to call me by my name. 

How does she do something like this to me. How does she go behind my back and meet someone new and apparently get serious enough to decide she wants to commit to him that much. This is as low as it gets, and now it's going to mess with that innocent kids head.

I'm low right now. I can't sleep I'm so mad and upset. I want to disappear, but I can't because of my daughter. I don't even know what kind of response I'm looking for. I just needed to get it out. ",1.6534929207414957,3.121413736972705,3.438602393811123,91.52089001605609,77.8833746898263,6.726288133119255,22.522916362574808,7.5105763829236425,0.7246529557728802,1468,43,336,20,34,492,182,403,0.07,0.8490000000000001,0.081,0.8081,2,0,1,0,2,0,46.0,4,0,0,2,14,19,1,1,16,0,30,3,2,4,8,57,69,27,0,8,5,16,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,19,24,0,0,7,0,1,8,12,8,0,2,27,7,68,11,47,40,7,50,0,4,3,1,78,19,0,1,23,227,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885675878072129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463236622430463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310288412453242,0.0,0.05795372810926236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953998760296812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415399294918045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188356482258685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663926188055218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941870162903586,0.0,0.0,0.0982326195982801,0.0,0.0627927717568514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442105926091523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690153649002852,0.0,0.14901029530687884,0.0,0.10806082913667704,0.0,0.07603608314337584,0.0,0.0,0.1882682940350639,0.0,0.10120367545285376,0.0,0.0,0.09756914418491217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044656814180004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900067020478867,0.1567437908252007,0.07749465661007046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046446350554046105,0.0952850146976209,0.08394846270252247,0.0,0.07983477131223835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580429575115106,0.17991487452182767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588388647435294,0.1010442572720626,0.06988731475120079,0.07049312558650232,0.14664753418134588,0.18363820201623066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951973333951986,0.0,0.06442182408605875,0.07230494231022147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932781000545172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821035867181072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118917441304399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621581347005534,0.15151680174758614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864280299440735,0.0,0.09513855748486656,0.0,0.16110483405684292,0.07318945305353587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619056444877592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087204544162396,0.0,0.0,0.3633734510398014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286947726381684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364481381359776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366569417256687
suicidewatch,NeilPerry89,2018/02/19,"I Know It’s A Bad Decision, But I Ruminate On It Daily I, based on the posts I’ve read in this subreddit, am older (28M) than most of the people I think are looking for help here. The last thing I want to do is take attention away from teens or younger adults because that deserve it more. The fact that I’m writing this feels like an act of self-indulgence. I’ve had a history of major depression going back to high school, so around 2005/2006. It caused me to drop out of college in 2009. This was in no small part due to a concurrent alcoholism. I managed to build a decent career in the craft beer industry despite (probably due to in some part) my alcoholism. Last year, Hoping to distance 
myself from alcohol I quit my job and  went back to school. I’m back in college now, I’m in class with kids for subjects for which I have no use, I’m spending thousands of dollars upon the debt I’ve already accumulated and I feel like like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I lost my health insurance when I quit my job and with it my Psychiatrist & Therapist along with my anti-depressant and sleep medications. I have a history of cutting, mostly on my left arm and occasionally on my thighs. I’ve tried to overdose twice. I’ve presented my situation in a fairly clinical manner here, but it feels like the tide is coming higher every time. I don’t know. ",2.7576666666666654,4.913705359259262,4.355333333333332,83.07300000000005,76.8888888888889,7.875555555555557,27.096296296296305,8.726425361277474,2.2089451851851853,1077,44,211,24,25,360,156,270,0.063,0.884,0.054000000000000006,-0.0772,4,0,4,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,1,0,15,0,10,11,3,3,1,34,30,10,0,3,3,0,3,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,13,12,4,0,8,2,3,4,3,5,0,2,5,4,25,5,42,25,7,39,0,2,1,0,4,20,0,5,17,131,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576005840997347,0.0,0.0,0.12308494993031682,0.0,0.0,0.12085136988261465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929246207455776,0.0,0.0,0.10479361695510372,0.2572974976348264,0.09312956603231436,0.06799252587499595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458024437702903,0.0,0.09608010556909942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213502156203244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939755705265572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919088330159004,0.2390482955675857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338961237572872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855967185426525,0.0,0.0,0.07476156624810684,0.1178460145059132,0.0,0.11078239505748087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213684968705135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259672904717593,0.18183670375097136,0.0,0.0,0.12118635682041705,0.0,0.07878258372193607,0.21796731943741088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366382338575042,0.0,0.12175689625034465,0.0,0.0,0.1055399467844323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236279454773153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415695563750743,0.0,0.0773264010859976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682256628830847,0.0,0.12025682242483055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372687721721107,0.11156817775017913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225764809284149,0.0,0.0,0.1163584532589156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537337849784033,0.11161854539027884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386269040206247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950420780666552,0.07410088706599913,0.07146904283875409,0.0,0.0,0.06503870125741333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572697636956899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963330149669056,0.0,0.0,0.06578799870210178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339683787539533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182681120953052
suicidewatch,BillOriely,2018/02/19,"I'm pretty sure my friends suicidal what do I do? My best friends girlfriend left him over something stupid and embarrassing that he did a while back.Anyways I'm pretty sure it's that, he's always saying how he wants to go to an island all alone with no one who loves him. He's told me before that he has depression but never said that he's suicidal. I asked him about it and he firmly denied it. He's always saying really self hating stuff all the time like ""I'm just a little emo prick"" or ""I'm such a depressed little bitch"" Idk what to do.Help.",1.251052631578947,3.4694413859649167,2.9167543859649108,91.07144736842103,82.50877192982456,5.5543859649122815,18.271929824561404,6.816661863887847,0.08954035087719303,434,10,91,5,12,143,71,114,0.29600000000000004,0.5589999999999999,0.146,-0.9734,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,14,4,1,5,0,4,2,1,1,5,13,15,6,2,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,11,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,3,3,8,7,6,12,3,8,0,2,0,1,22,4,2,1,4,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894925505478558,0.0,0.0,0.25539966335737146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347429197540235,0.0,0.0,0.11800941656665948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059217512079888,0.0,0.16105792405283811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26436800207911143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23714200638653646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722087748552491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152044225401007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028681067128409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667462536053911,0.0,0.0,0.07497798200678829,0.3076357144228812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851320644554938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183659862188137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399564894874644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122695433645108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983171948175159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598568296202755,0.2440919585271059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601033042440084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814916411460975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568711701146394,0.3357438495086433,0.0,0.2892884444343216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948993978014191,0.0,0.0,0.1466477330770253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052093489391566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MysteriousandLovely,2018/02/19,"just another night it seems like every night i want to kill myself. tonight it’s triggered by being so bored that i want my soul to be removed from my body, that i want to hurt other people(not physically), that i want to make everyone hate me but also love me, that i want to be hurt until i’m gone

every night i just want it to be over with. i don’t want to wake up the next day. i will never contribute to anything. my entire life i’ve been a waste of space and money. it’s never going to change. im terrible, inside and out. at this point i just want to shoot myself and all these thoughts be gone. everything would be gone. all sadness would be gone, but so would happiness. that’s a fair trade. ",1.8825092838196265,3.687223627586208,3.32689655172414,91.07660477453585,78.24137931034483,6.392572944297083,20.809018567639253,7.321109707123232,0.4926816976127317,546,14,119,7,13,179,82,145,0.17800000000000002,0.659,0.163,-0.8153,0,0,0,1,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,3,0,13,4,2,2,4,29,32,9,1,11,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,2,0,2,6,3,7,0,0,6,0,16,3,19,15,2,21,1,3,0,1,1,6,0,1,10,78,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017716559006178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344567094977622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472607119623406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413597824183545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462669268742933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207368806962391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444803854137426,0.12160462983128957,0.11437519491289255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232612668220774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547313878649042,0.0,0.12564522414058948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724739571192423,0.0,0.13746517711804698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407969355974486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988916191584273,0.06217395629732383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148592401882473,0.0,0.0849486073210058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963051407169606,0.0,0.13534495376185482,0.3582812855177266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030405626737108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585486446548778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103209113755322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6005010537176272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712105678713344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whoreofhorror,2018/02/19,"Down in the Dumps, but oddly comforted. I  just started searching for reddit's on suicide and depression because I have been feeling so low lately and stuck in a rut. I feel trapped due to my financial situation and my job being relentless. I was shocked by how many people come to these reddits and post on the hour. The amount of people posting is staggering and although I still feel like shit and not completely well in the head I don't feel as alone seeing that I'm not the only person who feels this way.

I am trying my hardest to focus on a solution and despite being a super pessimist, I hope I can try and get things together and can lend some support to any one I come across here.",8.951127450980396,6.672684014705883,8.867647058823529,71.85774509803925,61.79411764705882,11.71372549019608,39.57843137254903,10.125756701596842,3.9363372549019617,550,23,102,9,6,180,96,136,0.234,0.614,0.153,-0.9542,1,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,0,8,0,10,2,2,1,0,23,24,14,1,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,3,6,13,6,16,19,2,19,0,2,1,0,2,9,1,2,6,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775997363999276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015034209930173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874005915341014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790587696300769,0.1698304621447999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951109442055232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095037802667333,0.11571685044843755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846266257184169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623577779504564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088033354199555,0.1595153365545572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073780312178534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271782064434647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913408767284406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421989230707176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976023335436436,0.1231912857674144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245897859829193,0.14143261778416855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31025958746167204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907519891633246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626770838135305,0.0,0.1820696414764628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146485994273396,0.0,0.12935554367190916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771772359799553,0.18381029375018926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076107392402026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994435506005766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857030238014375,0.0,0.0,0.14563734110931045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbsyntheSyne,2018/02/19,"I should just kill myself I can't bloody crosspost from r/depression to here so whatever I'll just copy and paste.

I lost my support group. I lost my friends. I lost the only person who I thought actually loved me. I'm fucking up in school, I have my mom breathing down my fucking neck for this.. If I drop out, that's it. My insurance is out the fucking window.. I should just kill myself. I just might. No one gives a shit anyway.",0.1667803030303041,2.548090602272726,1.8859090909090919,94.60303030303032,91.8409090909091,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.3238606060606064,335,12,72,4,12,109,61,88,0.251,0.623,0.126,-0.9021,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,6,0,3,0,6,7,3,0,0,12,17,3,2,3,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,4,0,18,3,8,10,0,7,0,3,0,4,7,5,4,2,1,50,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.16142992460494265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247941641348333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780614299519244,0.4587953628863808,0.0,0.15868973832492936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36603420958395416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417393887183208,0.0,0.14930158464500165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548868237004325,0.0,0.1937425454374597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209555812525944,0.12581237769131945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791589021839375,0.0,0.14444182326442254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741788150850767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980532019317685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877211521642239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132814810643667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LaVieEnRose21,2018/02/19,"So... I've had my ups and downs, and a long spell of self-preservation. I thought I was totally cured of suicide ideation until it came, unbidden today, as my situation cornered me into this void. If I fast enough days, you think I'd just grow weak and die of exhaustion? I'm not really rushing, but I want to die in my sleep... or at a point when I'm just so weak that accepting it is my only option.  I'm curious as to how much time it would take for me to just wither and die. I've dealt with Tuberculosis before, and when I had it I felt wanting everything to just stop, than feeling my ghastly lungs try to suck in air. I was cured of it already, but I do remember when I had it... And right now, it's not a bad way to go. ",4.099906204906205,3.660441357142858,5.871645021645023,83.44254689754692,70.49350649350649,9.701587301587304,29.44877344877345,9.444778638647367,2.2291595959595956,555,19,129,11,9,193,94,154,0.193,0.722,0.086,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,0,11,6,1,0,3,0,8,5,2,1,1,32,21,19,4,4,10,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,8,2,17,1,22,12,3,26,0,0,0,0,1,10,1,3,11,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000295516834284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437616278001723,0.0,0.0,0.14651098979864507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692602308292093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104071257729677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360814491079579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790613481108908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474268846699085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705848503558958,0.0,0.1653180992378202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785285435126644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523723129153462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657080805294774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094930041319494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627640775998249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103017812025578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950443672476532,0.14703926523996436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961944161758125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353554132747347,0.17230257222959736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439487075473601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833503487026446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945659898940234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032485572041062,0.0,0.13669027988082352,0.10039850888525063,0.0,0.1632048270884094,0.0,0.0,0.116897714174862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031103587414566,0.136667062493199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231047254908735,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,captcha_earpods,2018/02/19,"First date, feel like killing myself I went on my first date yesterday.


It was awkward as fuck the entire way through and I can tell she didn't want to be there. By the end, I kept asking if she wanted to go anywhere else or leave and she kept repeating ""I don't know"" witha bored shrug.


We met through a college group, and I'm 99% sure she's going to gossip about this. I don't know if I even want to show up to the future meetings anymore, if I'm even alive.


On top of this, I'm failing my intro to biology and college algebra classes in fucking community college. I dropped out of high school too, I'm a fucking worthless nobody loser that's never going to be loved. I just want to shoot myself already. Even my parents are sick of my shit.",2.371085972850679,4.051736143790855,3.8078431372549035,88.72452488687784,76.45098039215686,6.014881850175967,26.801910507792854,6.67199483983844,1.0888284565108086,582,23,121,5,13,192,95,153,0.215,0.695,0.09,-0.9559,1,0,0,1,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,5,7,14,5,1,5,0,8,6,1,0,2,22,31,9,1,7,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,1,0,4,4,11,0,2,6,1,19,3,21,23,0,22,0,3,0,4,13,7,4,4,10,74,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721749561523129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473261807156488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586018581648882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033696585723756,0.0,0.13818982384125525,0.0,0.0,0.3091546139893778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888977742692947,0.11146266550306767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654256993810165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327214838389238,0.0,0.0,0.2660139295051613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484657459557378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261602788496494,0.0,0.17149201799297645,0.0,0.0,0.16520553726167278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762248221411711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081660032620527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033434357137697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732447714278822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790332677244476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015508451407726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704957131618848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136370738126219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681049810978668,0.1238435763874502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463462866550786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outer_heaven_3,2018/02/19,"I don’t understand the idea of loving yourself If you were the only thing that existed, existence would be meaningless, the way I see it. The only way you have value is in relation to others. Because of my thinking like this, I never understand and even get upset when people talk about how important it is to love yourself and how you can’t love or be loved until you do. I can understand getting past disliking myself, to the point of toleration, but loving myself seems illogical and stupid if not egotistical.

I guess I posted this just because it connects a lot to my suicidal thoughts and I wanted to know if anyone feels similar??",7.2557142857142845,7.658129193277315,8.095462184873949,67.30100840336137,63.789915966386566,11.505882352941176,35.48739495798319,11.20814326018867,4.3609294117647055,510,22,83,14,7,172,77,119,0.121,0.7090000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.5282,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,6,8,1,1,6,0,11,5,0,2,1,27,29,13,1,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,15,6,11,24,1,9,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,7,5,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705705100573583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923086394545425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916806852693513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018496759840694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504181085070456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291151118675278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566961575993814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628467286126389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781406725513499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800871014432075,0.6263934855416924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705648158730496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113788972498174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325069457655358,0.0962312658132063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121743972294406,0.0,0.1329386939902538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061117247562388,0.12636463945009255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183228050213254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156777325904507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221717369611043,0.08894189257796681,0.0,0.1101972181175781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335088092266586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187193896920195,0.22035700136370207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860447892349887,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayhelp912,2018/02/19,"Please help. Before you read this, please understand that I am not trolling or exaggerating. I seriously don’t know what to do.

Ever since I was young, I have had awkward or strange daydreams. Once I thought I was a god, teeth falling out of my mouth, being chased by bear, et cetera. These weren’t always negative though, mostly positive. But these always only had me being affected-but recently (as in the last 3-5 years) not so much. 

In third grade, my cousin killed himself and my mind created an elaborate story that he murdered someone exactly like him, and ran away. He was eventually caught and sent to prison. So we just never talked about him. Eventually I grew out of this, but his suicide manifested into a large part of my worldview. Death did not only effect people, but was okay.

Since then, these daydreams have become extremely violent. Hanging, stoning, suicide, murder,  bullying, mob violence, great sadness, and more have become normal for these when I am in a negative mood.

If it’s happening to me, I accept it in tears. If it’s happening to someone else, I laugh and enjoy their misery. Is this normal. I really hope this is me just overthinking and trying to create problems that aren’t actually problems. I know I do that I’m sorry.

When I’m in these moods I generally do you feel like I could actually do these or I/they deserve it. I shake and laugh out loud and have a deathly smile. I understand how horrible this is during the day dream, but I can only laugh and enjoy the show.

Hahahahaha. I should just shut up, and fucking slit my throat. Hahahahaha.

I remember in eighth grade I had one where I killed myself and watching on my friends and family cry made me so happy and laugh so hard. I wanted to drown myself so much in the toilet like the shit I am. 

And just tonight, just before I decide to write this, I had one where, ha ha, I thought it be funny to try to hack all my friends and enemies and freak them the fuck out. And give subtle clues to where and went I would kill myself after I was done with all this. Then jump off the bridge into the river, leaving a fascinating story for people to uncover and leaving everyone feeling scarred. So beautiful. 

I imagined ruining a friendship between two people I’m jealous are so happy together. And I hoped in that fantasy that one of my friends would kill herself. Imagining all the blood come out of her neck made me laugh so hard I couldn’t stop. And imagining her best friend trying to get her to wake up with all the light faded out of her eyes, so hilarious!

This is really messed up isn’t it?

TL;DR: i’ve been having really fucked up thoughts recently. I’m OK at the moment.




",3.1681992797118848,5.567647725490197,4.503301320528212,81.314243697479,76.6470588235294,7.69267707082833,25.898359343737496,8.603709575120403,2.1003233293317343,2100,79,387,45,49,693,254,510,0.225,0.547,0.229,-0.1998,2,0,0,0,0,3,73.0,1,2,2,2,23,48,12,2,18,4,42,11,8,4,7,93,72,46,11,14,17,1,4,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,27,33,0,1,16,4,0,10,11,21,0,5,22,8,62,25,52,42,11,55,0,2,2,3,27,28,4,8,20,277,89,3,0.0,0.0,0.1507868471422631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857098636536068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258716605471692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706525029377143,0.13148306106719396,0.0,0.08107832205109708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655159713102443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168484841106164,0.0,0.08486514091619413,0.04982552098245554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906255457115016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453979620737609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988498873552038,0.0,0.07382407416714036,0.0,0.0,0.07283270096661698,0.0,0.0781287200372028,0.05519368713998224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387597639634684,0.21427348870548155,0.04036452327827545,0.07411366069334774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517807657233831,0.0,0.0,0.13663936620105585,0.16448681368965126,0.1384173815898133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051784931004786316,0.0,0.0,0.1534707998373937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419015684015558,0.0,0.08491880887101201,0.06297621646015387,0.0,0.1636117833044732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323421075314585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620824941904004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780093427670999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358818411793785,0.0,0.059586733201629036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139439961585754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227807815938162,0.1570576443282559,0.17627634848345347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366372882173824,0.0,0.1606845286707013,0.0,0.0,0.1696138778871635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147852434914724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727968630230596,0.0,0.14848185641508405,0.0,0.1525674473474063,0.0,0.08751913588489235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930502638396092,0.1278185206840555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092222543021712,0.0,0.0,0.08648487779814226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459179864597511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901712919263948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062097680033180676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759063580831034,0.1840045218610798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736091858288953,0.0,0.07547060092330862,0.1608582271896617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045569229548044425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161966213657289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976483984874236,0.0,0.0,0.04975212063422412
suicidewatch,Goofyjulieisawesome,2018/02/19,"Im not useful I have no use, infact since I'm deaf my parents had to buy Cochlear Implants and upgrades for them. It just seems selfish of me to be costing my parents thousands of dollars when my dad is unemployed and my mom is losing her job in April. Nothing is going well so, I'm depressed and none of my friends take me seriously since I'm always the one trying to be happy even though it is a cover. Please help me I just can't handle life it's too much",2.2585824742268064,3.7629864432989706,3.8583376288659785,88.99616623711344,76.31958762886596,5.674742268041237,26.55798969072165,5.985473137389443,0.8611659793814437,363,14,76,2,8,121,69,97,0.16899999999999998,0.731,0.101,-0.7323,5,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,2,0,9,17,6,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,4,1,2,1,1,12,3,8,14,2,4,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997661179536568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559417770472076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269866233523799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485404256112466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926639663129566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046654838931488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288685424044387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767494756036534,0.0,0.190789445416996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579967944235855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509095864069488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517384128687054,0.0,0.0,0.14133400815280342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447968179272647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028107665906646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269663309214756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104491973604214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502725713452474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180806874363393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455639731199674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889552492586706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053264605312956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321036689630472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728657913857308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zzyxz_Was_Taken,2018/02/19,"I think I'm done. I'm tired of being fucked over and used and lied to by people. Every single fucking time I reach out and try and get close to someone they fuck me in the end. And every time is worse than the last.

I'm not sure I'm at the point of killing myself over it but I'll never reach out again. I lost a huge part of myself because of this bitch. I should of stayed how I was before and just been alone.

I don't know how I'm going to get over this.. And I acknowledge how stupid that is. I've always been alone and never needed anybody, but this one hurt.

If anyone reading this is currently lying to their spouse or doing fucked up shit behind their back, even when your spouse has always been fucking good to you, fucking talk to them about your fucking problems and stop being a piece of shit.",3.353003992015968,4.325055113772457,3.898577844311379,91.89880489021958,72.7125748502994,6.0457085828343295,21.10229540918164,5.46131890053228,-0.06699560878243549,632,12,137,2,12,199,99,167,0.325,0.626,0.049,-0.9956,1,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,3,4,1,9,17,12,0,5,0,14,10,2,4,3,32,34,17,1,4,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,15,0,1,6,0,17,2,24,25,3,24,0,2,0,7,10,11,10,2,11,94,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255261775375647,0.0,0.0,0.18118773127158055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612889267596089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371921158908126,0.0,0.06637002744912501,0.0,0.09264577572621753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141833236446017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096432151743716,0.0,0.0,0.07191181863661321,0.0,0.18346608292981456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7045811778485055,0.11376682412417165,0.0,0.06187695278597796,0.09132033747445864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655441092647005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045557720315316,0.0,0.05983560815929528,0.0887487768979071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188514243626211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073045225546104,0.16794434433298971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377744922385879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790250384993205,0.0,0.07548116938698765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029233660240926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417998649030864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089058381702412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352006802078966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225059894663168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604772894307468,0.0,0.09102552439131044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261469463410433,0.0,0.0,0.08751070580159946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976358465769504,0.0,0.0,0.12697337926954078,0.12513737632947874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391991157274877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403423045887653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095432736477512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,82647595773,2018/02/19,"I just ordered suicide drugs online I spent like $500 buying N from Mexico, basically all of my savings. This is the happiest I've felt for a long time.",2.120860215053764,4.286297000000005,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,79.0,8.004301075268819,26.46236559139785,8.841846274778883,2.391120430107528,121,5,23,3,3,43,29,31,0.136,0.6629999999999999,0.202,0.29600000000000004,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279411101392274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371077849074967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224103186908568,0.0,0.0,0.4028785988147992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979654997980056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654577449727166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mikey_TA,2018/02/19,"I think I’m done It’s been long time coming, but now I’m completely considering killing myself... I don’t come to reddit for much beside NSFW shit anymore, I don’t talk to people, nobody talks to me.... all I do is sit at home and stare at the wall. It’s driving me mad. I tried playing videogames...it’s fun, but doesn’t help. 

I feel so alone. ",-0.4055403348554023,1.73502193150685,1.7979908675799088,96.61866057838662,89.95890410958904,4.3403348554033485,17.700152207001523,5.82211442006289,-0.4774523592085234,263,7,61,2,9,88,52,73,0.234,0.639,0.128,-0.8874,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,1,8,13,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,2,9,2,6,11,2,10,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25298940720519303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422495852492965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208328790968133,0.25611179479319063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499723816050655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350993669120243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372861469927735,0.0,0.2450221020481527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702478745830663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161707122972915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956609838987234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934562991196936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507390056643205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926689456024158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651795387805734,0.0,0.0,0.14243543832906366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584287299717196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WillBendAndBreak,2018/02/19,"Tired of Roughing it alone! There must be something wrong with me, nobody seems to want me, as a friend or more. I try different things but always get rejected. Living like this....I’m very lonely and it’s eating at me slowly. I’ve tried suicide before six times. I’ve survived every attempt, but they all seem like wasted saves. Nothing gets better just worse as I get older.",1.75605633802817,4.545155098591554,2.4691408450704238,90.00596478873241,89.56338028169014,3.966760563380282,18.367605633802818,5.6839178017228535,-0.07633070422535226,296,8,52,2,10,92,60,71,0.331,0.521,0.14800000000000002,-0.9614,1,4,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,3,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,12,8,6,1,2,4,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,6,5,6,6,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107904560474629,0.0,0.0,0.1693490526108885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318473207348664,0.0,0.0,0.1800012685439486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264024232600412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825682181744332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147853837754914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724286237453294,0.0,0.31900014005528826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988640087087156,0.0,0.17971624916506398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528766728425884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705629197189036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668344074189675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226232489377336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521292539497265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867702815854228,0.23392197671314865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27636014659650765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679293888565765,0.1200442816894894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074092996301044,0.0,0.2225225700227515,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deathballer123,2018/02/19,"I can’t even commit suicide properly I was supposed to go to a family event today but I faked being sick so I could stay home. I needed time to think about whether life is  worth living. In the end I decided it wasn’t. I worked my way up to it. I wrote a note, leaving things to younger siblings and apologizing for leaving. I took some pills and went to bed hoping I wouldn’t have to wake up again. But I did. I woke up 4 hours later only to realize that I completely fucked up. I didn’t wake up regretting that I tried but I regret that I failed. As far as I know I’m gonna try again and I hope that I don’t fail again. 

Edit: I tried takin more pills after I woke up. But I’m still here ",-0.5271333333333317,1.541792953333335,1.8986666666666672,96.29266666666668,89.46666666666668,5.2,17.0,6.691623216298621,-0.22319999999999984,533,13,127,7,18,181,90,150,0.214,0.7090000000000001,0.078,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,1,0,3,0,11,7,2,0,1,22,26,11,1,7,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,3,5,6,0,0,9,0,23,2,20,13,2,24,0,4,0,1,2,8,1,3,11,81,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895316087803288,0.0,0.0,0.14432838650089366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010662429515052,0.0,0.0,0.11939543316872545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041180266771755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671169268272253,0.0,0.0,0.10273451181056867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132485161577166,0.3590864448255751,0.17801987924017748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934526049457792,0.0,0.0,0.3828140184362344,0.0,0.0,0.1276816496348754,0.0,0.0,0.1596212874154999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403704008175854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748206466816232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267443277190055,0.14436140599963454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977306435514584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200941001552857,0.11582871310346317,0.0,0.0,0.105407163288352,0.0,0.17134674657386742,0.0,0.2008396874222175,0.3681884297748258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348507295885093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757357023928546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316011180912683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JCKB,2018/02/19,"I just want to be done. My reasons for this are several; I do not even know where to begin.

Everyone tells me that I should major in something in demand that can get me a job. My parents work hard so that I can go to school And I have decided to stupidly major in the study of religion. I wanted to be a professor. My family is disappointed that I have decided to waste their money in something useless. Everyone laughs at how useless a major in the humanities is and I am embarrassed to tell people. Family constantly tries to convince me to switch into some STEM field. I got into a class for next term on the recommendation of one of my professors, and I am scared out of my fucking mind that I am going to ruin his word; I am so stupid I don't know how to not mess up. I think I'm even going to fuck up in his class this term. I am going to make him regret knowing me like I make everyone do.

I was born male, but I want to be female more than I have ever wanted anything. Beginning in August 2017 I got on a steady dose of hormones and I had hoped I could maybe do it. But my bone structure is abhorred in the most masculine way it could be. Back in 11th grade I decided that if I couldn't pass I would kill myself; at this point I am too scared to move any more forward than what I am now on the chance that I end up there. 

I hate everything about myself. All of my physical features are male. My accomplishments are attached to this boy that I hate so much; if someone asked me to name one thing that I like about myself, I couldn't give them one. Not one. I don't want to make friends because everyone sees me as a man. Guys seem to be uncomfortable around me and girls don't see me as anything other than 'that gay guy'. 

I wish I could have a baby so much. I wish that I could have my husband's baby. I wish I could have a husband; one of my dreams since childhood has been to get married. It is stupid but it is one of my fantasies. 

My parents told me that if I were to transition they would cut ties with me 100%; if I can be normal, then they say that I can stay with them. I wish they told me that they hated me so that I didn't think that I could salvage our relationship. Every friend I tell slowly stops talking to me. But that is my own fault. I didn't have a personality before so they hardly even knew me to begin with. Now I am just this idiot who is always sad. 

I have group therapy every week and one-on-one therapy every other week, but I only feel better immediately following the session. An hour later and I am the same mess that I am.

I've had enough I think; I don't have a plan or anything but I just want everything to end. I'm tired. There isn't anything that I enjoy anymore. My relationships are entirely superficial; I push everyone away because I don't want them to see me as a boy. 

But it is all my fault. At a glance I can see all of the times I use ""I"". I make myself the victim so that I can justify all of my failures and it makes me even worse. My life is the way it is because of me. ",2.6100814931650937,3.725727320189275,4.4322279179810735,86.81119150893797,74.69400630914826,7.617718191377497,24.407071503680328,8.144726394080802,1.2383071503680338,2347,71,519,37,48,799,249,634,0.151,0.755,0.094,-0.9908,3,0,2,0,0,1,59.0,1,0,9,4,28,34,12,3,23,0,74,7,1,9,5,91,128,33,1,29,18,4,3,2,2,3,3,1,0,10,37,15,0,1,13,2,1,9,13,25,0,6,13,9,114,9,72,98,18,60,0,6,5,3,43,26,2,9,26,387,151,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951680171445354,0.0,0.0,0.04046860732784864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901758886866761,0.0,0.0,0.1958855081290199,0.052976211372180115,0.055633495937124224,0.0,0.05591128154421463,0.04575925280209238,0.0,0.1088296033925772,0.0,0.05063833488196453,0.0,0.0,0.052631455478645714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430879785679397,0.0,0.28508171187644393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089904026422801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541578512585843,0.06148938345513224,0.0,0.15722226838935832,0.05382989160867007,0.15041835756770225,0.2843201367297177,0.10696688473535187,0.0,0.11220081649972316,0.0,0.03008987056607444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195402651709003,0.1100314376551763,0.06218267906225852,0.05708708542464006,0.1352828375429173,0.0,0.09519061777949804,0.0,0.0,0.11784783274341508,0.0,0.0,0.10661792729099297,0.17626039743708785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910651679152259,0.05860502468504741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905415192821095,0.0,0.06583861821006345,0.0,0.09811485327049704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420334305394285,0.058146824771417124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861579022127707,0.0,0.059785448942571234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008778911746805,0.0,0.0,0.06324934738327669,0.0874928901002523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328919517724876,0.0,0.058306828611815575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822769852025067,0.045259775638644036,0.0,0.0,0.13215686286711892,0.0,0.0,0.04125650309190434,0.051961536962793535,0.0,0.0,0.05625586093972465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118583855625698,0.0,0.1277822011688468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732446766606307,0.11915909609131575,0.060226949796331135,0.18968596705764115,0.05417535656550269,0.0,0.0672289734847455,0.0,0.04922700309820712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050422339128835085,0.09162688243649487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342937618523174,0.0,0.049752737788661135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783160798646584,0.15604218923112026,0.0,0.13610895784110189,0.0,0.03953557172473711,0.11439415563540688,0.0,0.0,0.03470055947044206,0.06839759631943315,0.0,0.11372805469188706,0.0,0.040403150681448584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051397236571433975,0.0,0.0,0.24570236214555505,0.09447199131445612,0.09547011430816972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27373267392361805,0.0,0.0,0.043323738939926096,0.0,0.060645424377515675,0.0845479056147813,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Humanunicornrelation,2018/02/19,"anyone ever kinda wish someone would try to rob you with a gun It's one of my fantasies that I get threatened with a gun, so I could resist and get shot and have it be fatal
Seems like it solves all the problems with how suicide is perceived by those around you, cuz it wouldn't even be a suicide, but would answer the same problems that suicide answers.

It's so ideal and so perfect and I get really into the image of it. someone coming up behind me and putting a gun to my head and I would turn around it and get to look at it and feel it pressing down on me. The metal of the barrel on my forehead and seeing this guy's finger being a mm away from pulling it and knowing that's all that separates this world and nothing.

When I think about it sometimes I get that feeling and I feel like I'm finally playing a part and contributing to something. It's an answer to being unproductive and a liar and someone who lets people down and being a solution to myself. It's funny the problem isn't that i'm sad or depressed or whatever, the problem is just me, full stop, and this sort of assisted suicide would solve everything
",5.829535750593017,5.635637863436124,6.450837004405288,79.91418163334465,66.84140969162996,8.570518468315825,32.880040664181635,7.882392219407189,2.3482256184344292,893,35,171,9,13,293,117,227,0.209,0.655,0.136,-0.9646,0,0,1,3,0,4,12.0,0,2,0,2,11,13,1,0,16,1,16,3,3,2,4,60,34,26,5,12,4,0,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,24,24,0,1,10,2,0,3,2,8,0,1,0,7,16,5,27,22,5,19,0,2,2,0,4,12,0,5,6,134,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606775937361644,0.0,0.0,0.1936904501727398,0.0,0.0,0.10221079435024223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371204274474186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685911984380577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369975837731508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185407174451584,0.09840582846877922,0.0,0.0,0.09777248844962684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502087704906182,0.07771884359617784,0.0,0.11917297099757045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841886666805115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771815870141972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164884253654146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059787558749984475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124406629651584,0.0,0.10629756615632176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135531407642757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043859261786694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371820418625129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780782534927785,0.0,0.07542055622177209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163853099833038,0.0,0.10936293680158247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969298346461685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669070371210949,0.09903736912896084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765295585979361,0.08375104432425108,0.10759504770968344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095242874118242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759897919297428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970756284831887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386055213450389,0.11833113194459148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251019171292984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091221790973344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HitlersGhost1,2018/02/19,What is there to say? I have tried to kill myself five times. Once with pills. Once with a gun. And three times with a belt. I finally made a promise to the person I cared most about in the world that I wouldn’t try again. But they left because my emotions were difficult to deal with and caused a lot of pain and frustration. So now I guess that promise doesn’t matter. Im tired of being a burden and of feeling unloved. I’ve talked and it doesn’t help. ,1.1078723404255302,3.319984893617022,1.884510638297872,98.294,83.04255319148936,5.036595744680851,18.974468085106388,6.2581,-0.26172425531914856,356,9,81,3,10,110,64,94,0.241,0.635,0.124,-0.9325,0,0,0,1,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,7,0,7,3,0,2,0,18,11,7,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,2,2,8,3,13,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,5,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211044019954145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255231142093832,0.20408378416886366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048149963991013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347149971363645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045104458974106,0.0,0.0,0.21762790813449245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188520071191689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316102992501286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145924008356656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197935002419931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215850214179742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889796505304733,0.0,0.18798172265956145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42314369896297865,0.0,0.0,0.21139367503852052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734667038510298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798646262936208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967948336955332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316864367362473,0.2283363094775465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697611265396481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lord_of_spoons,2018/02/19,"Should I tell my family I'm suicidal? Diagnosed with depression about fourteen years ago, struggling ever since.

I made what I guess you'd call a suicide plan a few months ago, then shortly after decided that I would never really commit the act, but now I realize I have actually been following the plan. I don't believe I'm working towards the end; I have valid reasons for ticking off those boxes, but the realization was a bit surprising.

They say you shouldn't keep these feelings to yourself, but telling my family would hurt and worry them and I don't see much benefit. Then again, I'm here asking the question, so I guess I want to be be talked into it? I don't know. Maybe it'll be helpful just to have said this to someone.",4.92230769230769,6.101855671328675,5.912874125874126,78.14008041958044,69.20979020979021,9.356363636363636,31.782517482517484,9.642632912329526,3.072883076923078,583,25,108,13,10,193,96,143,0.16699999999999998,0.774,0.059,-0.9339,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,2,3,7,5,0,1,8,0,17,1,0,2,3,26,31,8,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,4,18,2,11,18,3,18,0,2,1,0,13,4,0,3,12,75,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.14219651833628075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583345624230855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622356558504767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417055751138931,0.0,0.0,0.15908270225772886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879099088490036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125503849414312,0.14789734359265214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290599653760853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180727988543378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27473368386592195,0.0,0.07367772575600462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210423192219163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766948551179333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599058992874218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295179121066394,0.0,0.0,0.08008098313329284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787876338985308,0.0,0.0,0.14638999199806274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630807576202283,0.0,0.10711706366850668,0.0,0.11238415234334666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323380173937624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334856197553457,0.14981897058679172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860803899882754,0.11587817044917223,0.0,0.0,0.11611574258807697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205366977599754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346358440302314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523326325672856,0.0,0.3187764419228373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711994865371443,0.2547221242730424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594629979742452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608203014138276,0.14798034136744131,0.0,0.2070230707523812,0.0,0.0,0.09383548324156732
suicidewatch,OOPS_Spy,2018/02/19,"my favourite streamer got banned I'm about too rope it & let it all go..

i lived my life through him for two years.. and now his channel got striked for 3 months .

Help me",0.4708333333333314,2.6345033055555582,0.3755555555555557,108.40000000000002,85.3888888888889,3.6,22.88888888888889,3.1291,-0.6571444444444441,133,5,34,0,4,38,31,36,0.08199999999999999,0.845,0.07400000000000001,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,0,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645190019881262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119947305569496,0.0,0.5381435306902745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255002284401038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440198617266484,0.2376286575837763,0.0,0.0,0.29707160237048563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26853318123190223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32864073425423745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166482478727295
suicidewatch,zigzago,2018/02/19,i've had enough about to go out and buy some sleeping pills antihistamines cough syrup and mouthwash. i hope the combo will be enough to lull me into a permanent sleep. i've honestly given up. there's no one left to give a shit. i've put my family through enough. i've put my friends through enough. and honestly looking back i've lived a good solid 20 years. idek why i'm writing this. peace out. ,1.1744999999999983,3.726197450000005,2.1325000000000003,94.0225,87.0,5.7,21.75,7.1686216300943375,0.7167250000000003,316,11,67,5,10,99,56,80,0.067,0.6940000000000001,0.239,0.9303,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,4,0,3,5,3,0,0,9,9,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,1,4,5,10,5,5,10,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,2,2,34,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896924634057527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932140676731003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811506806449435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295829889222765,0.0,0.0,0.16089594851643235,0.09532129860262237,0.14067876268896873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658757426368334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822323953737557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148103184927021,0.0,0.1408457465285733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365398506180015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337217481699854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721660665901149,0.0,0.0,0.3356898487301979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134463834374173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080086257413265
suicidewatch,Dryad_Princess,2018/02/19,"I am a horrible human being. I am a horrible human being. No, really, I am. I have done some terrible things, I have no friends, and I hurt everyone around me, but I don't think about other people. I dwell on my self-loathing and forget that other people have feelings too. So I am a horrible human being. I have turned into a monster, physically and mentally. I need to be alone. If I could have someone fix me, I would. That would be perfect. That would work out. But no one can fix me. I am damaged goods. I am a waste of space. I am having a panic attack along with a depressive episode. I am lost, I have no hope, and I don't know what to do.",-0.2305399473222103,1.9904130223880607,2.7184460052677792,89.6120237050044,90.41791044776122,5.839508340649692,19.82265144863916,7.285733465282438,0.7288995610184372,491,16,105,9,17,173,71,134,0.339,0.574,0.087,-0.9872,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,4,12,1,2,7,0,29,0,0,0,1,24,36,8,0,7,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,1,23,4,10,25,1,5,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,3,0,91,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184701480669465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349320467478596,0.0,0.2217152362359888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556036143598581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785826398395595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943988789292955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862255166881031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854211800995644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057134447687162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346428349577433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356950506110335,0.0,0.0,0.2086335179794562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710631482312198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274519415044732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640303866595013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450828697298335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132062344588871,0.0,0.0,0.2286611410219725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022404017545504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485137015108225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331252267399744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512946048939875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947609614787411,0.1248774883618499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211984093955619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418820657894146,0.0,0.0,0.41533227972638864,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pastoneam,2018/02/19,"I don’t want to get things worse I feel like I’m drowning in the pitch. I have the lump in my throat for most of the time. I don’t want to stop resisting suicidal thoughs but it’s getting worse. 
I don’t want to strain with this my friends and family. It feels like they could fall apart like me. 
I’m a teenager, text me if you think you can help somehow.",-0.208455988455988,1.893133753246758,1.0791341991342025,102.56409812409812,88.0909090909091,4.9806637806637815,18.94516594516595,6.42735559955562,-0.3158098124098125,277,8,70,3,9,87,52,77,0.142,0.622,0.236,0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,1,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,14,16,4,2,5,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,12,4,8,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,5,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758275327228146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967598849751307,0.0,0.224922546966294,0.3177910679216103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718396711163412,0.0,0.2324085529241194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908216300643445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259867443647876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859514895120364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432892997660627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477647015557865,0.14251653662580654,0.21852465243072494,0.0,0.1296937818344598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935638713276231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533260880231882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Toasterattack,2018/02/19,"I wasted the whole day doing nothing holy shit I have a 3-page paper due tomorrow that I haven't even started (don't even have a topic or any resources to pull from yet), my entire dorm room is covered in garbage, and I haven't done laundry in weeks. I should've never gone back to college. my pills aren't working and I'm lying to my everyone. my therapist, psychiatrist, and family are all so proud of my improvement and I'm failing every class and I'm a piece of shit.

genuinely what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm obviously not depressed since medication hasn't improved jack shit. I'm a worthless piece of shit that can't commit to anything. I woke up at 1 pm today and promptly spent 9 hours doing NOTHING. I'm probably only making this post to try and convince myself I feel bad but I fucking don't. I'm not gonna change I'm a piece of absolute trash who spends more time trying to justify his decisions online than actually fix anything.

I have to kill myself. There's objectively no other option. Medication didn't help. I can't be trusted to tell the truth in therapy sessions and even if I did now he'd probably assume I'm just lying to cover my ass. I can't drop out of school again I can't have my entire family feel like I'm a failure all over again. Why can't I just do shit? I deleted all my suicidewatch posts from years ago because I assumed now I'm #fixed xD but I'm fucking not. 

I'm exit bagging tbh. I want to do it fucking tonight and I swear to god if I put it off for any reason I'll start self harming like a stereotypical suicidal person so maybe i can convince myself I'm actually ill and not a lazy piece of shit (fat chance xddd)",1.8929172188355847,3.980604396501459,4.0822952557646435,84.30730894955386,79.37900874635568,6.839791501015991,25.262744058662427,7.898369717300924,1.5815547133138974,1320,51,263,23,33,454,187,343,0.179,0.6759999999999999,0.145,-0.9515,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,3,14,24,11,0,11,0,28,16,8,2,7,39,56,17,2,3,11,0,2,2,0,1,5,0,2,2,8,12,1,0,6,0,2,3,18,17,0,0,6,2,34,7,30,47,9,35,0,3,0,5,7,10,11,6,21,154,42,8,0.0,0.0,0.1787703984899982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119497792290715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457784000086122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507526148138005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043223439783584,0.0764794467624336,0.055836518781756384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689719911451117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590723157212879,0.0,0.0788921326426765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373526043015327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149633650572408,0.0,0.07717419879913669,0.08752460448067689,0.0,0.0,0.1726984975369991,0.0,0.09262812161187167,0.06543672496074994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33871881787833186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061395359920009586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090204332080341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133821481431128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949907485384186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114153110182219,0.0,0.0920212305850956,0.0,0.0,0.18454814576736497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064504790077775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577907300367152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966344359601682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997873494271611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544870269530655,0.0,0.1975135424826955,0.0,0.0,0.09208001670185653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417669780712372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270078476735796,0.0,0.0,0.09555536990569184,0.0,0.5641363860686556,0.07576976477110167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966527932256405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001919600749276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005958266998606,0.0,0.10474884788624976,0.10635086781167166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053410792106431904,0.0,0.08682299356007449,0.0,0.0,0.12437633942644913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054026126811313836,0.0,0.07347337486063282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265180533452876,0.10226448222997923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668351315098388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001466493633177,0.0,0.058985293479286535
suicidewatch,sugarxxfree,2018/02/19,"My 24th birthday is tomorrow and I can’t stop thinking of committing suicide I’ll try to make this as short as I can. But long story short, I left an abusive relationship, left town and left all my friends. I was about to start nursing school on one day when everything hit the fan and I packed my bags and left. Now I’m back with my parents since October. For the third time. I’ve been through several relationships that have went down hill and have caused me trauma. Now I’m with a guy who is genuinely a good guy, I do love him but he has mental issues of his own and all my issues are weighing him down. I have physical health issues on top of depression, anxiety and ptsd. I can’t hold a job, I keep trying and failing. If it’s not my Health acting up, it’s my anxiety or depression that’s so bad I can’t even bring my self to leave my bed. That’s not what I want. I’m thinking of trying for disability but I feel like I’m just making excuses and don’t deserve it. I just lost my job after 3 weeks of having it and 3 months of finding it. I told my boyfriend they fired me for being a liability (which has happened in the past) but the truth is I walked out after having a bad situation with my health and getting sick at work. I felt embarrassed and felt like they were gonna fire me anyways. I know I should of stuck it out. But I didn’t. 
I was about to move in with him, things were about to get good. My parents don’t even know I lost my job.
They think I was going to move out this weekend but my boyfriend told me he wants me to prove I can hold a job because he’s in no position to take Care of me, he can not mentally handle it. He told me he’s not happy and his anxiety is sky high because of all the pressure he’s under. He told me he does love me and wants this to work but he feels like I’m not trying. 
The thing is I can’t tell if I’m trying or not. Some days I feel like I am then others I can’t make proper adult decisions because I’d rather just lay in bed and pretend not to exist. 
I feel like such a burden to my family and my boyfriend. I feel like I’m ruining something that could of potentially been good. I feel as if the world might be better off with out me. Monday is my birthday and I keep getting this intrusive thought over and over that maybe it’s time for me to go. I can easily make it look like natural causes because of my health situation and die in my sleep. I don’t feel like I’m capable of living a normal life. I’ve tried therapy, didn’t help. I’m on a high dose of Prozac, which did help at one point but not lately. I just feel so lost ",2.3239662447257388,3.3874669873417744,4.033607594936711,89.59488396624474,75.32911392405063,7.508981314044608,24.01657625075347,8.037061389416179,1.0628681133212772,2016,60,466,31,42,679,228,553,0.159,0.708,0.133,-0.9399,6,0,1,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,3,8,18,31,0,2,17,0,43,12,1,6,6,97,101,39,2,10,26,2,12,8,1,3,8,0,2,4,25,28,1,5,19,2,0,8,19,13,0,3,22,13,73,18,64,72,5,63,0,7,1,2,38,34,0,7,29,287,98,8,0.0,0.06944495057980818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451273166898814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506856546941489,0.0978761779445486,0.14291591478330976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183703954364998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059758250734959516,0.12042015082175575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046796451023813086,0.0,0.0,0.07559903647176112,0.0,0.1009638633624686,0.0,0.06082940224099573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129125016113733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742458259536647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267616659525225,0.0,0.055253632156209036,0.0,0.2370855673607217,0.2512320685161968,0.1125523127836762,0.0,0.053569777656924215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452830390630011,0.0,0.09186614632351033,0.0,0.06662044337852907,0.1474814393268894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606904484206082,0.051829886698772566,0.06239294834280972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24920480216624036,0.0,0.0,0.07857200106541741,0.1238523701681849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352528978874894,0.2326511688403837,0.10419304939212286,0.0,0.0,0.06442260916086225,0.0,0.06611623668370477,0.06206103282693249,0.2547259249654625,0.0,0.041398980537630505,0.2290766407732409,0.0,0.05175495922869742,0.05186926386731895,0.049218832618040616,0.0,0.1919438716042064,0.0,0.10579819296951776,0.0,0.15649431661065746,0.0,0.05888305107253471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813305516931805,0.06217745620549853,0.0,0.0,0.04678307766649825,0.12458933128867115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574267489456341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943323252570066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016209534974935,0.0,0.05595123409441365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055406738452782336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851361553620854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258534645246826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059317887939704265,0.0,0.0,0.061144495576036365,0.0662142235154737,0.0,0.04848397375695763,0.1317633875702375,0.0586537502319075,0.0,0.0,0.04512193596896676,0.0,0.0,0.0414854659959397,0.0,0.0,0.04900177304049808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411138239119422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440684948851408,0.0,0.05122896602478321,0.0,0.06702726882326887,0.0,0.07787764849891025,0.11266749732279345,0.0,0.046530921921327885,0.06835358274239269,0.0,0.0,0.2240229009314653,0.0,0.2387598481381983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371160537806642,0.0,0.04701454715267473,0.0,0.0,0.05433337517799847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533962620581152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,genebytrash,2018/02/19,"I messed up, but it's too late to fix it. I may be making a big deal out of this but please understand my side. I've always been on top of highschool. I'm an A/B student, never missing class, putting on as much effort as I can, and being somewhat connected to my teachers on a social level. But this year not so much. I have ADD and struggle with anything and everything even on medication. I received a C in English this 9 weeks. My parents were obviously disappointed. Besides from school I had been getting into drugs and losing friends. I'm not talking heroin but pot. My life took a turn when in September  my parents found out and went through my room finding other drug paraphernalia. Since December I have been drug and tobacco free. After then I got in trouble for having social media because my parents dont think I'm mature enough. They put PhoneSherrif on my phone so EVERYTHING is monitored. Nothing bad has happened since mid January. So change in subject. Recently I haven't been completing my homework because of my anxiety and depression. I will have no motivation. And then there are other times when I completely forget i have homework because ADD. At my school the homework policy is that at 4 misses you get an afterschool detention. Yes, on friday I hit that mark, in English class. This class is at the end of the day so after school activities distract me and I forget what my homework was. I have never gotten a detention before. On Friday I came home and balled my eyes out in fear of my parents. If they found out, they would think it was because of my phone distracting me, but it is not. I simply forget things. We all make mistakes right? Well the trust between my parents and I is bad so they never listen to me telling my story of the truth because they choose to go by their own evaluation of th e situation. They will never believe me. Then I thought emailing my teacher trying to make a deal, would get me out of it. She hasnt emailed me back. On Saturday I decided to tell my mom when I get th e actual form assigning me detention. I had thought how could I let this slip to this point. I'm worthless and my life is going to get worse from here on out. Tomorrow I will commit suicide after school. I can't deal with anymore shame. I have no life, no friends, and no soul. So yes, It may sound stupid that I would want to die over this small first detention but I can't take it anymore. My brain is so effed up with things and situations I can't change or erase. So I will erase me. Goodbye for now.",3.2062727272727263,5.302432319191919,4.4116414141414175,83.4707954545455,75.3030303030303,7.40909090909091,28.421717171717173,8.296473431620573,2.130141414141414,1998,85,380,36,44,655,239,495,0.185,0.713,0.102,-0.9932,5,0,4,0,0,4,54.0,1,1,7,5,19,23,1,5,13,2,45,9,2,5,8,74,79,39,2,7,11,6,0,0,2,9,7,2,6,0,22,28,0,0,11,1,1,8,17,17,1,1,18,3,69,7,61,47,7,70,1,6,1,0,32,37,0,5,25,273,91,15,0.0,0.0,0.06825088434305923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819528484481299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053503542715551765,0.0,0.13872242455690192,0.0,0.0,0.05755426717721448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537791751264556,0.11679315859210433,0.2131724165567556,0.0,0.05951338173084746,0.07879789086500116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807563667571875,0.0,0.07999218079529986,0.0,0.0,0.14797348075052555,0.0,0.1466605158261434,0.0,0.0,0.05584101709680886,0.0,0.0,0.0451052055846468,0.21631372770964746,0.06023880761080085,0.0,0.07258618156320452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196859862346884,0.0,0.2433229227483188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194565713185252,0.07226622199347034,0.0,0.0461943945089029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571426486777856,0.0,0.0,0.07870140632747775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392345582980939,0.059490521482704214,0.0,0.153370151327681,0.1080702020427047,0.0,0.18270256736843346,0.0,0.07949648394927154,0.0,0.055937024650510016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061847288115909685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015504284799819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889482689943067,0.0,0.0,0.07151789954990291,0.1482010577350774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824443501560482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005552159760365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704567101650174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191232259658192,0.0,0.0,0.10282719168015016,0.0,0.21576668327248236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710885741061297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882978106653425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677259245120141,0.06611545451696374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406170735940263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905684017386056,0.0,0.0,0.059727969442264016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28313011966672996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570939027430965,0.15722990562465847,0.0,0.14258906949075836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311597364455898,0.0,0.07650248516463283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258581628464838,0.05621473833083427,0.12226044945955668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929294210596009,0.08962884302280766,0.0,0.11104833591833477,0.04078229757854697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770538208706679,0.047484344326069086,0.07607411603853476,0.0,0.07280950870464876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04125214200614685,0.0,0.056101265671093116,0.0,0.06288402946353719,0.06483463736807797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127434777666435,0.14904908879186668,0.0,0.0,0.045038758957864335
suicidewatch,yrubnab,2018/02/19,"I'm a stupid egomaniac I get it, yeah life is suffering but you gotta live for the good moments. I get the point of it, I get that life is reproduction. I get it that I feel sad because my body has a chemical reward system. What I don't get is why everyone is so selfish and fake. Selfish because the majority of people try to force other people to help them get what they want. And fake because they hide it. Everyone hides who they are and people who don't are shunned. I'm smart enough to accept my human faults and desires, but I'm too stupid to politely hide it. Also, what I don't get is why I have to WAIT AROUND. Everyone is always waiting for something. A very small percentage of people actually take initiative. I know I don't have to wait around but I'm stuck being forced to. I have to WAIT around until I'm eighteen to do anything. I say this because I'm not smart enough to get around it. Some kids just DO things, they WORK and get a result, and set themselves up. I can't do this because it's not me. 
I don't wanna wait all my life just to die. I feel like waiting for it is inevitable, so why be bored all of the time? Good memories die with you.",1.4908803005904474,3.4179489629629636,3.292574700304172,90.27426731078907,79.94650205761317,6.366004651994992,22.91089640365003,7.423996415210882,0.8500228663446063,910,30,199,13,23,304,110,243,0.224,0.657,0.119,-0.9851,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,5,2,10,17,2,0,8,1,24,4,1,1,2,35,52,13,2,3,7,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,19,11,0,6,4,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,1,3,26,7,26,48,6,12,0,2,0,0,13,7,0,1,4,125,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.09950386825522496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154197752624577,0.08484367656200842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839091284142454,0.3630845601912029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107868895308819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326096739870856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211648710985514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107157643964617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922979459764374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031138990285609,0.07284435582787091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794560870961626,0.0,0.0,0.1710480753159405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834549630770714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560377123763302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606428497004204,0.049815317459950964,0.0,0.0900376298657701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827608636433648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639059682835162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108726107317797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849821988359545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666555805167723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774151689866867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945705179443282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922805451512679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413242668761786,0.060142044208441076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760247026978655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423228412999583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,storylife3,2018/02/19,"It's Getting Worse I finally got help after many years of struggle, went to a doctor and then a psychologist to be diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Also on meds.

But I feel nothing, not getting better and I've started lying. I can't get out of bed in the morning and I make up excuses why I can't make it to some event I'm committed to. 

At this point, I've lied to my workplace, my closest friends, my family, and every possible group I had some responsibility to. I didn't even have this habit before, but now I do, and I don't know why.

Why is it getting worse, why do I have so much trouble getting out of bed in the morning when I didn't have this problem before. And I don't think its the meds because I've been on them for over a month now.

My suicidal thoughts are popping up more now, but I don't know. I want to live, but I don't know how. I also want to die, but I don't know how. I know nothing. I'm empty.",1.5114838900384269,3.0045661608040213,3.9180076854862564,87.82187112030745,78.3467336683417,6.89340821755838,25.776234111735143,7.724431198458867,1.3311682530298548,722,28,161,11,17,252,99,199,0.206,0.748,0.046,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,1,10,6,0,1,6,0,19,2,0,4,1,34,41,19,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,7,10,0,0,8,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,7,1,23,2,24,33,4,24,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,2,11,107,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841020879995304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901171433958978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181015781712463,0.0,0.2004792835467578,0.0,0.0,0.10418506563236173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146149185524,0.11956513837914433,0.12225843375023167,0.0,0.0,0.12057391487757492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780619119330677,0.0,0.09925209372090857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105193011212756,0.0,0.059563527386539236,0.0,0.0,0.12904480903295604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101245824115548,0.0,0.3077297806216869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421590825058876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789592650345451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237006695753048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402009589111606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726564239305812,0.11943132791686968,0.0,0.0,0.2616998405466293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402732216340604,0.0,0.0865970018742711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22606572273387826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135965195924012,0.13280248670020678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271927342488396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308115747903593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833798773160369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315077370647072,0.0,0.12885474635532576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548187362130526,0.0,0.09352052503356552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389637025091914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920234467056752,0.4251869073816265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400977689715406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585972990531308
suicidewatch,revolutionaryred,2018/02/19,"I let everyone down and terrify them when they know that I've relapsed and I can't take it anymore I'm supposed to be some sort of inspiration, a person who recovered, and I regularly speak publicly about it. I talk about how I beat anorexia back in 2015, my weight rising from 80lbs to a healthy 130lbs without a single slip up. But that recovery wasn't genuine, as I was only weight restoring for my doctors to get off my case. Then, as I had never healed my mind, I sunk into a viscous episode of bipolar disorder, going manic as a kite and having degrading sex and shoplifting, then I would crash. My entire brain taken over with either fogs of apathy or brutal self-loathing. Spending nights with tears rushing down my red cheeks, taking an x-acto knife to my lower stomach, and eventually attempting suicide. After that, I spent three weeks inpatient at a local stabilization ward, then once I was discharged I pledged to get better. I began tweeting about my recovery and talking about how I had discovered the beauty of life again. I entered a loving relationship and for a short period of time, I was actually happy. Then, I moved away to chase some opportunities, leaving behind all I knew and my boyfriend. In my location, I got heavily involved with mental health activism, started making films, and people began seeing me as some recovery warrior. Then, things started to get precarious, I began dieting--which was made with lots of flattery. My weight was sinking lower and lower, everyone around me complimenting my progress, and even an old friend told me I had gotten hot for once. From this, I shifted from a healthy paleo eater to one with disordered tendencies. My weight plummeted and I had lost forty pounds in less than six months. Suddenly, people began worrying. Some would still flatter me, but others voiced how I was now very skinny, but I had no plans to stop. My weight loss slowed and I began dating an amazing guy. He liked me for who I was and promised he wouldn't leave my side. We would talk about his depression and I would act as if my ability to recover reflected onto him. Then, last night, I noticed I had gained weight and had a meltdown in front of him, confessing I had relapsed. He got terrified, going on about how if he fails that it'll set me off. That he cannot hurt me, since it appears as if I am some fragile flower. That hurt me hard because I have been left three times in the past for being too much to handle--too much to love. It's funny. People pretend that they want you in full, that they can handle anything, but they fucking can't. Now, I just feel as if I let everyone down and that I'm too scary to be around, and I have no hope. I keep daydreaming about my face in obituary columns, how things should've ended back when my anorexia was it's worst or when I attempted... I just don't think I can keep going. I tried recovery, I tried pills, and I tried everything else--I just am too weak to keep fighting. 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suicidewatch,PuddleOfGlub,2018/02/19,"Evolution wants us dead? Do you ever think we’re suicidal because there’s just too many fucking people in the world? That it’s nature’s way of taking some of the useless, biologically weak humans off the earth? 

There’s no way I’m spreading my shitty genes around and I don’t contribute anything but litter and smog to this planet so why should I even still be here? Better off that I cut myself out of the equation before I broaden my carbon footprint.",3.048207070707072,5.628059022727271,4.180151515151515,82.50828282828284,78.0909090909091,5.729292929292932,23.41414141414141,6.937597516519254,1.0298444444444441,366,12,64,4,9,119,69,88,0.214,0.7440000000000001,0.042,-0.9137,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,1,0,1,10,5,2,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,11,9,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,9,7,1,10,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,1,2,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315507347277687,0.23058670006172874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789891642131335,0.0,0.22041075106372612,0.0,0.0,0.2290860996647234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108322351246716,0.2343024680175986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394639542426647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262610163214753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957495746939134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685728116842966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833307354241349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475416999519626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597242530237696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31157455184461674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277934706656834,0.4112031449817939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337293009544049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mortduroi,2018/02/19,"Never thought I could be so bad at dying for someone who is so bad at living. I've been through this so many times. They keep saying I'm lucky that every time I try I fail to do myself in. Not for lack of effort or holes in my research/planning I might add. 

I just know that no matter what program, or pill, or baseless optimism they push immediately after I'm found or turned in...it's a waste of effort and resources.

I've said it before, but I feel so incompatible with life. I have no desire for a relationship, my job is tedious and draining, my employees have no clue how different I am when the lights dim for the night. I'm executing the same routine daily, and numbing the nights and weekends with drugs.

Why do they get so mad when I say I've had enough and want out? They genuinely wouldn't notice my absence.",3.7875702811244985,4.9067654879518114,5.017048192771085,83.73151606425706,71.83132530120483,7.461044176706826,27.086345381526108,7.793537801064563,1.4891381526104421,645,22,132,8,12,214,109,166,0.151,0.779,0.07,-0.938,3,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,3,10,6,1,0,6,0,13,4,0,1,1,32,25,18,1,5,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,9,0,1,4,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,5,18,1,16,16,3,15,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,6,9,86,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943023507269741,0.0,0.0,0.1499653605933408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407115176666436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182906979499998,0.1841309579388523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043798598417484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210072633718025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484879211574858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911111118022692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323561675700635,0.0,0.0,0.09207696017225167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488879144804362,0.15664822640952633,0.0,0.0,0.0968556686324042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448194796518927,0.0,0.0,0.1556211785406431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867743579617895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696042191051754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592543189414805,0.0,0.0,0.33077441440214544,0.0,0.0,0.20064786770034287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921340838284584,0.0,0.0,0.16764247602595309,0.28030269458787993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493256894611799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991310235569746,0.2055313203289762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965387636015128,0.19169608433837626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394960211096407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902717417229165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nwt2385,2018/02/19,"Need a friend. I’m a very lonely person, I’ve been suffering with depression for awhile and I’ve lost all my friends through it. Times get really lonely, is there anyone who would be my friend? Or at least somebody to talk with? Being lonely and depressed really sucks. ",2.6758823529411764,5.5059466862745134,3.226960784313725,87.06632352941178,82.13725490196079,6.537254901960785,20.264705882352946,7.793537801064563,1.0891411764705885,215,6,39,4,6,67,40,51,0.35,0.511,0.139,-0.925,0,6,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,11,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,10,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,2,3,6,5,2,2,0,7,0,0,6,1,1,1,1,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807279892743216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386977707893367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5902775794202528,0.0,0.13305576952962328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780049078455456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888362891733854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237003586173076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262992030616333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046959540648435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850147060487326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101313252440441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091190044142966,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tasirorabi,2018/02/19,I can't really handle living anymore. I feel like no matter how hard I try I have not had any progress in my depression. My only saving grace was the friends I had but I learned recently that they all plan on leaving me soon. I can barely handle every day now I really don't know what I can do if I have no one.,1.2358706467661662,2.8750185820895524,3.735149253731347,88.17247512437812,79.59701492537314,6.854726368159205,21.61442786069652,7.793537801064563,0.9156487562189062,243,7,53,4,6,85,49,67,0.154,0.738,0.108,-0.434,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,1,10,12,3,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,2,14,4,2,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,39,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601763845033812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858632693571415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589527359600366,0.0,0.2482664578679704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428602743120143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457461909142452,0.20592349802568136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226986831775163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582124232091942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841284644150594,0.0,0.0,0.3052116327255732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082277631574638,0.0,0.2545271144920612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532342185995746,0.21922460206269667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36931643032284295,0.0,0.2846088390774338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957005863426569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowThisaway1327,2018/02/19,"I could have been... 
I could have been a lawyer and maybe a doctor but I don't give a fuck about helping people if all they do is hurt me.

Nobody will ever see.",-0.6372857142857136,1.3132732000000047,1.3082142857142856,101.26803571428572,88.42857142857143,3.5,11.607142857142858,3.1291,-1.844285714285714,122,1,30,0,4,40,27,35,0.127,0.691,0.182,0.2441,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,2,7,13,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,8,1,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,24,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072297514082278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251246430790091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873294364546751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936590621767798,0.0,0.3047154581537337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291174702424728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34004713802921754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191185945113804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021608123725345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25312312726844555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liriwave,2018/02/19,"When the one person you're fighting to live for, joins in on the hate wagon I've struggled with so much, especially after my first (my son's dad) husband abused me in all ways imaginable. It destroyed how I thought of myself and what I should be doing and have found ways to work around it or when I attempted I ended up pulling through and always thinking ""I have to do this for my son"".

It isn't enough any more, every time I talk to my almost 12 year old it is always one thing or another about how I'm being mean to his dad and grandma, or how I did this, or I did that. His tone is a mirror of what how his dad has been treating me for almost 12 years.

I'm so angry/lonely/rejected/set back/broke/broken and a hundred other feelings. I've hated myself forever and have never wanted to continue this life but have always done so because that little boy needed and loved me. Now that I'm being pushed out and hated by him too I'm very badly struggling to understand why this world is worth it.

There is so much more I could say, but does anyone have ANY advice other than ""love yourself"" or ""Do things for yourself"", because I don't know how, I have no desire to, not one thing interests me and the only reason I'm still here is so they can't turn around and tell my son how much of a ""crazy psycho"" I was and turn what memories he has of me into shit.",8.045593119810206,5.115903117437725,8.28200177935943,77.39235023724795,64.08896797153025,10.790154211150654,33.02520759193357,8.344100000000001,2.391690154211151,1060,27,222,10,12,351,154,281,0.138,0.8029999999999999,0.059,-0.9639,0,3,0,0,3,0,32.0,0,0,1,3,22,13,6,2,6,0,29,4,1,7,2,48,50,31,0,5,8,7,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,20,16,0,0,9,0,1,2,6,9,0,4,7,2,29,4,30,38,7,27,0,0,0,2,21,10,1,7,13,164,49,1,0.0,0.12893367532315395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633745462680548,0.0,0.0,0.2179346326966349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27164038696668724,0.0,0.0,0.14800239883466978,0.11410705437484076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608933828176566,0.0,0.0,0.1937453962953557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367571348237685,0.0908599922932549,0.13267108696410065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868837600459685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522894522899404,0.11136044258721517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638204835708984,0.1124399485815988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168537960151628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055022563394949514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925620710767495,0.0,0.11931530010517676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223110870717984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980451928950024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686264689920334,0.0,0.10906603322818202,0.09608988204098708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642824637669828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853666994831395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239985234312186,0.0806885070225826,0.08392854262871292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418808054520567,0.0,0.22121734971718315,0.08276236578851365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501725689899887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188488409885528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653787714274981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170196669475248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869036373429784,0.0,0.0,0.2275241763110453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746523774299637,0.09511330654616083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168851305095912,0.0697273374954019,0.0,0.08639077037857243,0.06345370376751691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367294002593995,0.0,0.1132852553955552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978773617527908,0.06418474078347514,0.17275219312533358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819294874146033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922211453498178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401527740542148
suicidewatch,swta001,2018/02/19,"I (17F) feel like things could not get any worse. I’ve been alternating between crying and being totally numb for hours now. I feel like I’ve decided that tonight is the night, and I’m not going to tell anyone in my life. I’m so anxious, but also calm? I’m scared that I won’t be able to override my survival instinct. I can’t even tell if I really want it or not. I’ve been telling myself for years that I do, but would I be posting here if it felt like the right thing? This isn’t supposed to be some annoying post fishing for something, I just needed to tell someone what I’m going to do and how I feel about it.",3.1417472434266323,3.7558586793893163,4.49888040712468,88.73286683630198,72.89312977099237,7.348939779474131,26.769296013570823,7.3871296695380915,1.1854827820186604,481,16,108,5,9,160,79,131,0.103,0.79,0.107,-0.2728,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,1,2,0,14,2,0,1,1,24,27,11,0,6,9,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,4,12,4,11,17,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,8,69,22,0,0.1553423071369101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422718689375725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563809576779044,0.0,0.0,0.17549259063492806,0.0,0.10861895303867286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402819193024768,0.0,0.17063623007710468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260212879573796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356372140075103,0.2219531505149384,0.14915297577826442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115994396175147,0.0,0.17656922602155758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529808812049841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972286554860718,0.22767721387222875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518435240679226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577823207150953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29754997931467203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951625971901328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266148151897525,0.0,0.0,0.15552474912863445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162103273226358,0.11959009737245985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431040937080209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640505260076372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916249175297454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583070822370914,0.11035071800153276,0.0,0.0,0.10003535269857014
suicidewatch,ladythr000waway,2018/02/19,"28//ruined my life. As the title said I am a 28 year old woman and essentially ruined my life. I work a min. wage job (I have a college degree but it isn't useful), I don't have any friends or anyone to ever talk to or socialize with (and have never even dated), and in general have nothing to live for. I devoted the last 10 years of my life to photography, but realized I am untalented and do not have what it takes to make a career out of this field. That was the only thing keeping me alive, was that hope. I never leave my house except to go to work, and have become increasingly unhealthy these past few years (my eating goes from starving myself to binging, I self-harm near daily, etc.) I feel as though killing myself is the only thing to break this cycle of absolute numbness I experience everyday.",3.4869230769230763,5.2842035443038,5.057594936708863,80.44947906523856,73.68354430379749,7.646348588120738,25.44498539435248,8.384062270229773,1.7652876338851016,632,21,119,11,13,213,101,158,0.135,0.7929999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9083,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,8,0,14,5,0,2,3,23,22,12,1,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,10,7,1,1,2,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,3,2,18,3,21,19,3,18,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,12,88,28,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510020429870094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806588354422304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068980167871206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581445945339963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723655869257954,0.10207969596136576,0.1398005263589809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118085697012767,0.0,0.0,0.07814579627600965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194059742992902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783508256586475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350434325173168,0.0,0.1783314845440922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336834752082992,0.13737232344952907,0.17098814813575394,0.0,0.0,0.12597996177041346,0.0,0.16364754318742014,0.0,0.0,0.3274925253503189,0.0,0.0,0.1364716560415654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316421299153147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383990272110008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829616955948524,0.0,0.16217562266925012,0.0,0.0,0.23508650187037375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753673248379265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701370687920312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123074374795265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754561798862246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620336612881885,0.12422250488104905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053540726851946,0.0,0.15184589718074204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348272700081432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225030418105662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29857796837297823
suicidewatch,Kzn12345,2018/02/19,Daydreaming about dying Do you ever daydream about random death accidents? Being hit by a car or ending up getting stabbed or shot. Your friends or a lot of strangers are there to witness it but no one can help you? I get these dont even realize i am thinking about it sometimes.,3.420555555555552,5.7412399444444455,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,75.48148148148148,6.542222222222222,31.170370370370367,7.554174236665415,2.1650192592592594,223,11,41,3,5,70,45,54,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.097,-0.3839,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,10,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,7,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,5,2,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34219694683541657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864289811264518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29203374917546304,0.0,0.0,0.2177767230818284,0.2982503055955056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25474058826678075,0.0,0.3445298230932858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210041351780249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28031586058546626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342657207013786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261011706248397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127104202394945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gsawce,2018/02/19,"how do i turn my brain off my job sucks, im being paid minimum wage, no car, my desire to do anything is nil, nobody seems to fall in love with me back, its just anxiety nothing feels good anymore.

got completely sober a few months back, ive been doing drugs recreationally to cover these feelings for ten years. im 22 dropped out of college from indecision, i just dont want to live at this point nothings good anymore",5.710000000000001,5.936233734939762,6.096048192771086,80.92334939759041,67.07228915662651,9.049638554216868,32.26265060240964,8.841846274778883,2.497387469879518,332,13,66,5,5,107,67,83,0.162,0.76,0.078,-0.5162,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,1,0,8,3,1,1,0,11,17,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,2,0,1,3,2,7,3,12,13,1,12,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,2,4,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452929287493612,0.0,0.3488036255982761,0.0,0.0,0.14471443333107073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704446858640065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631335907204986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438158003534905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061018215072229,0.0,0.2039370296880627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778360679997492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949991944799447,0.1406480391731828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799091283032643,0.0,0.1745098596371753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528399389601488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871682826269598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403665127954182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374769846958377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624068038931558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009261942382466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128073614039706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372437434970616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324544295652815
suicidewatch,nilherm,2018/02/19,"I just need to say things somewhere I don't expect anyone to read my shit or say anything , it's usually that way. I just need to spew my brain some where. There will probably be typos and bad formatting. I don't care. 

I'm suicidal. I'm depressed and all that. I've got a full host of crap wrong with my brain. At least my depression has been around so long that I no longer feel the need to act like there's a reason for it. There is no ultimate material reason that makes me want to die. My brain is sick. That's it. That's literally all there is to it. It's an illness.

People do care. I love my friends and they love me back. I love my SO and he loves me back. I sincerely respect my boss and enjoy my line of work. I'm surrounded by great people and I'm very grateful. Sure, finances and physical health can be a struggle sometimes, but I'm not suffering in that way and I believe we do quite well keeping it all managed. And I'm grateful for it. I have lovely pets that bring me so much warmth. But just as love and gratitude cannot cure heart disease, love and gratitude cannot cure  mental illness either!

So yeah, I'm still suicidal. It's not me being unappreciative or selfish. It's an illness. It can't be willed away. There is absolutely nothing that I'm wanting to solve or escape through dying. Any argument relating to the ""temporary problem"" crap is totally irrelevant. My brain just has this annoying habit of sending push reminders every few minutes to say ""I wanna die.""

So, obviously (having been through multiple treatments multiple times) I actively choose not to listen to that message. I go live my life and do my stuff. So what does my brain do? Well, it responds by slowly erasing the concepts of everything I am grateful for and can help me feel better!! 

I enjoy being strong and active? Okay, brain will highly increase perception of pain. I decide to turn to my plethora of DBT/CBT/fucking etc of coping skills? Okay, brain makes my thoughts so scattered and foggy that I am unable to either focus on the skill or understand how they work (despite using them for years). People I am grateful for? Good luck, brain reduces ability to create and hold meaningful memories as well as emotional permanence so I can't remind myself of that love. Food? Nah, it all tastes the same and makes me feel sick, eating is just a chore. 

Etc. It just goes on like that. This is what depression does to me everytime I get in another major episode. I can handle the mild chronic depression that's always there, but these major parts.. there is nothing I can do except keep seeing my doctors and taking my medication. Because it is an illness. And it's my job to treat the illness before it erases everything else and makes suicide the only visible option, simply because it's too foggy and scattered to be able to have any other thought. 

Thank you folks. Writing this stuff out helps me break the cycle in my head for a few minutes so I don't sink too far too fast. So, this exercise has kept me alive for another night. Be safe.",2.6621873231465765,5.133874691001702,3.9250874363327695,84.40622764572723,78.83022071307299,6.914782116581778,26.28525749858517,8.021203637495839,1.8661768873797395,2399,97,447,44,60,783,274,589,0.123,0.632,0.246,0.9982,1,0,0,0,0,3,79.0,1,1,3,7,36,46,4,1,17,3,46,38,13,9,7,88,92,42,6,8,19,0,3,2,1,3,14,4,2,0,42,25,3,5,12,2,1,6,12,15,3,0,6,9,58,31,53,76,20,32,0,5,1,8,25,14,3,7,11,300,100,8,0.05771852457571714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802643618159708,0.0,0.0,0.07850115192806263,0.12104581117701126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035813440588255,0.0,0.04749742778879873,0.05138172391021283,0.0,0.0,0.054228453816530256,0.08876396529365425,0.04819255711634165,0.07036935371476143,0.0,0.04911421324372685,0.06502901200611161,0.0,0.05104734454107383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.515463696709192,0.0,0.0,0.11769576508591498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885152256513045,0.0,0.17970814778931918,0.0,0.0,0.059077355646545086,0.10101973962896672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590604600864156,0.04821642100370353,0.06492557144666186,0.0,0.0,0.1287428242097032,0.0,0.0,0.04863034633459413,0.0,0.1037473763534108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755266081930377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979346902422633,0.0,0.04459318891020832,0.05335984590633632,0.030155546846562412,0.0,0.032802767640300864,0.04841155997726111,0.046162776790765865,0.06363487710901981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059235858009429015,0.061352092584097816,0.0,0.0683967295260855,0.07737502073764388,0.06098279018114214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057276729526953875,0.10260575329781478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040768300847391165,0.056396711264811765,0.0,0.05096651465274862,0.05107907795346418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167457752899066,0.0,0.15411025338391895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814534121327682,0.05816669723046116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042429756741707465,0.12839266387237475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416492535422622,0.0,0.11076496201523346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389753883616164,0.06141657960712376,0.0,0.0,0.06250353748634219,0.0,0.1200442725024091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223033167928076,0.05522883296195055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139075559989773,0.057734144028181375,0.0,0.0,0.1186885125410611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377002621836628,0.0,0.0,0.04599419124427826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592472360394882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057085096664236126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609408828422537,0.0,0.0,0.060339933921789685,0.1321478032063556,0.18940409337064845,0.0,0.05439902634193287,0.0,0.04339714732192697,0.0,0.0,0.05313946270098107,0.0,0.0,0.0383456230329757,0.0,0.0,0.09164412258272188,0.03365613584017986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278118044681666,0.0,0.06008701963641856,0.0,0.049850273374742377,0.06356880040842147,0.04762382754786322,0.06808776246032851,0.09162855646405296,0.0,0.0,0.1556876559291258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403954663086402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310614581776237,0.0,0.03716883745059975
suicidewatch,i_just_need_help_123,2018/02/19,I feel hopeless and like i dont belong. i have had depression most of my life but recently it has gotten much worse. my grades are plummeting and i dont know what to do. the only reason im not killing myself right now is my parents would be devastated.  i feel hopeless and empty and i just dont care about life anymore. i just need help,0.843,3.161226371428576,2.8253571428571433,90.39089285714287,85.28571428571428,5.7857142857142865,21.607142857142854,7.1686216300943375,0.7452857142857146,266,9,56,4,8,89,49,70,0.28600000000000003,0.5920000000000001,0.122,-0.9269,1,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,1,0,15,17,5,1,2,4,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,11,2,3,13,2,3,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501646956094972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020940747092627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068305539368738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6559375290886172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886597446083267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504661350231674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015158115173997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639997220327316,0.0,0.10252798706045473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635443796000011,0.09114333914358076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714238372271806,0.13833118804771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188658097193538,0.0,0.0,0.2071517717399163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181379744259408,0.1842045770006225,0.0,0.0,0.15932042819391695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901196326119384,0.13252621214693475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zolo89,2018/02/20,"Tired and bored of life period Hi,
I'm doing alright in college so far. Last semester I tried hanging myself but was unable to do it right. The only reason I keep going to college cause of grades / it is free because of a pell grant. Even if I graduate college. I'm probably going to get regular grades / having to end up paying for a four-year college degree (I go to a junior college). I've figured out how to hang myself if I wanted to. If I don't get good grades / don't get a free education, I'm probably going to either hang myself or commit suicide someway.
Thanks for reading my story. If I don't kill myself this week or year. I'll be happy/hopeful to read the replies.",1.5535714285714306,3.737016717391306,4.158633540372673,82.8039130434783,81.10144927536231,5.971842650103519,24.349896480331264,7.1686216300943375,1.312172256728779,529,20,98,7,14,186,83,138,0.08900000000000001,0.737,0.175,0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,6,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,6,1,9,2,0,3,1,17,22,10,2,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,2,3,7,3,2,0,0,1,0,12,7,17,20,1,17,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,6,5,59,15,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836241081055628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261112309292168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744487149125347,0.0,0.0,0.11741049887629106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786208128768444,0.0,0.4041062530907804,0.1490988071739359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800353710015724,0.19666794248829014,0.0,0.0,0.14490021762484898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555895801972206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351964423666051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833162256195525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355621343821735,0.0,0.0,0.1827695250208101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180826079953386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944433960861741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636598883882606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043119206476828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068911424010265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484896758899703,0.0,0.14259040864286934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289465297350193
suicidewatch,wiqi1,2018/02/20,This is a sos message. Please save me from myself. I am pretty much depressed for past one year. These health issues. I am tired of them. Tired of taking pills and not recovering and not able to live a normal life. This tinnitus from last one week is making it worse. I dont want to live anymore.,0.6983474576271185,3.208472966101694,1.8862500000000004,94.67479872881357,90.52542372881358,4.305932203389832,15.84957627118644,5.985473137389443,-0.5471542372881357,231,5,48,2,8,73,45,59,0.2,0.67,0.13,-0.575,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,6,1,7,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,31,10,0,0.19676712901343152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514011907652087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947523989357002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060960975863265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915425689550693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537376098497653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603914723048157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389824423175207,0.0,0.0,0.3474979597195545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134358653826278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464648014090956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279000881590666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666899798565113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783648930805336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599121959687914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018290926645227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479443930467518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523097383738754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160583507526438,0.0,0.1578347220843173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052251475080848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126711579820915
suicidewatch,NiceExpression,2018/02/20,"I feel like every road leads to suicide for me I'm 27M. 
I was a moron. I went to college and got a degree in a useless subject and I've only earned a mountain of debt from it. I had that wake up call conservatives talk about where I realized that none of my interests will ever lead to a paycheck because they are useless in the business world. I decided not to go to grad school and just worked in gas stations and offices. 

I've spent a lot of time trying the self improvement thing and even anti depressants. I always find myself alone and hating every moment I'm at work. I've been fired once and quit two other jobs in the past year with no notice. I'm subject to being addicted to things like books and video games to escape from reality.

I don't know if there's a lack of people I can relate to on this earth or if I'm just autistic or have something else wrong with me. I can imagine the sort of people I'd want to hang out with and they don't really exist anywhere I've looked. I settle for what I can get and find people who I find grating in some way, who never want to leave me alone. I'm an asshole, and I should just kill myself. I feel like it's something that's bound to happen, because I can't take even five more years of this life, much less 50.",2.933037735849055,4.109934483018868,4.271839622641512,88.03530660377363,73.98113207547169,6.658490566037736,23.816037735849058,6.961326702584282,0.7643245283018865,998,28,211,9,20,330,155,265,0.17800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.06,-0.985,2,2,2,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,6,9,11,3,0,12,0,14,3,1,2,2,45,33,15,2,6,8,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,15,0,2,9,3,2,5,7,7,0,2,6,4,24,4,35,24,7,25,0,3,1,0,8,12,0,7,10,133,37,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417347292867207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254943922538882,0.0,0.0,0.10241097381833543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005473264029245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567666677158185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600712696103126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281609508465334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258406292607994,0.1113313346037495,0.20739748860054136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446413500247842,0.17585427034269016,0.0,0.0,0.33747390594382265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430331217797622,0.0,0.06994821279841379,0.0,0.09843692976561752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883770086981567,0.0,0.0,0.12151430303888187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122136184034251,0.0,0.13616786166094572,0.0,0.06764059417931371,0.0,0.0,0.13032210866572186,0.0,0.0,0.08693381651124958,0.1803894660934884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335474227017152,0.0,0.0,0.10463673727765938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047668434865837,0.0,0.0949255434113438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012541737307124,0.0,0.1310743324976707,0.0,0.09360656458956966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749212795035956,0.25598091021786323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090888194694034,0.0,0.0,0.07884708642125304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456177227112615,0.0,0.0,0.12839746993886467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950331873959825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346276425336737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925395359624728,0.09892564510605316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353545708155626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176792450978779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356206102480006,0.0,0.12022957828521932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451894958915493,0.09769379578332836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140947822100971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792048816026055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345667586635408,0.0,0.15851673126934707
suicidewatch,ta481238218,2018/02/20,"decisions decisions It's roughly 8 years now since I went from kind of depressive/moody but ok-ish on pills to holy-fuck-my-life-is-a-mess...


things have changed here and there ... but all in all not much.
So being miserable 80% of the time is now the new status quo.
With 15% being super suicidal and 5% semi-normal...
not a fun life...    

Tried helium suicide 8 years ago and was told 
i should not do it because there is hope.  

I do all the right stuff...food,drink, gym, therapy,meds, self-help
...but guess what... it doesn't help.

Any ideas since hope didn't work last time?
I think this year will be when i make my final move.


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suicidewatch,Matuksd,2018/02/20,"Does money bring happynes? Well so im 19y old  who will soon go to university. I dont have the best parents my dad is a alcoholist mum is paranoid about everything so lately i feel emty actualy i have feeling empty for past few years. First time i had thoghts about suicede when i was 13 or 14.
Life feels so meaningless wake up, go to school,  go home play pc or something like that. Sure i go out with friends to drink or do dumb stuff but lattely i have thought i have money for university for new car and much more  but why do i feels so empty??
First time i thought about suicede by jumping from high building, second cutting my self to death third haging my self, last one get drunk and drive with a car in a tree or something like that...
So is there point in my life? I cant imagine myself in 3 or 5 years.",2.91503707136237,4.30347939156627,3.6779518072289186,91.43688137164044,74.36144578313251,6.794439295644115,26.62465245597776,7.321109707123232,1.1151961075069514,633,23,140,7,13,201,104,166,0.13699999999999998,0.784,0.079,-0.8949,1,0,4,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,12,9,2,0,4,0,14,5,1,0,1,20,26,15,1,0,7,3,4,2,1,1,2,0,1,2,4,5,2,0,7,3,2,9,2,2,1,5,4,4,16,7,19,21,4,29,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,5,15,84,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933014399819186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452358058628653,0.0,0.16676903806099475,0.13939522681345748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278858451566956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877951274373232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242072628007012,0.0,0.0,0.10993699990229568,0.0,0.07434342400135646,0.0,0.3234788048128345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034280261242305,0.14273379327408353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537033477297678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598966572753372,0.16051530233480946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010147646225135,0.13903659712010588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460342210914853,0.0,0.0,0.13742969256476414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493149862741003,0.0,0.09642298150823617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800209703062754,0.0,0.13583696996601746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345150574234971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440104457556136,0.0,0.0,0.29689007377868026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909175589165647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289408072428696,0.0,0.0,0.1341116412571472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259331557496277,0.16594707366740855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794056845118165,0.0,0.12839938042167373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326702256718866
suicidewatch,Johnlckhrt96,2018/02/20,"Please don't do it It pains me to see so many people thinking of/ attempting suicide. Life is such a gift in its simplest form. I have a chronic disease and don't really have a choice regarding my lifes end. All I have is hope. What I'm trying to say is coming from a person that will come face to face with death sooner than later without any choice, and knowing that its coming, please please please enjoy life to your fullest. Live your own fantasy. You can literally do anything you want. Surround yourself with good people. My grandma told me once, Those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter. Enjoy the beauties of life. We are all human and none of us are perfect. There is no correct way to live your life. The right way is your way. I genuinely love all of you. Please enjoy the gift of life.",2.4705046583850923,4.814770006211184,3.13934394409938,90.47746312111805,78.75155279503105,5.515683229813665,22.484860248447205,6.6274283507984215,0.5603071428571433,645,20,127,6,16,202,93,161,0.086,0.6779999999999999,0.236,0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,7,0,2,3,8,0,0,7,0,18,11,2,0,5,24,29,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,2,11,10,0,0,2,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,2,16,7,16,27,6,11,0,0,1,1,15,3,0,1,2,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313809390564288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850497727923946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779359479428314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952579060753408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020833791025797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682200997213437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059106995321925634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557970031037097,0.0,0.0,0.18993829482308586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706861268693416,0.0,0.0,0.1090394244431976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719088712161388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453787554299324,0.0,0.0,0.11444141789882313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912408390578316,0.09390903272451112,0.0,0.5902912923589366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889966631419314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184762203896987,0.0,0.08552855135722022,0.0,0.0,0.0857039010439179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176428967543476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891407974036892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276920424238764,0.0,0.07301979543511801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937012562039196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343612854512047,0.256105973065756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036749373837998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WanderingMd,2018/02/20,burnt out how do i become a better person? I project all of my insecurities onto my loved ones and don't realize it until after the fact. I feel unlovable and inadequate. I'm going to end up losing her. And its going to be my fault. I need to love myself. The self help books only work for so long before the illusion fades and i'm left alone with myself again. I'm tired of being inlove against her and not inlove with her. help,1.0606818181818198,3.420978250000001,3.1283636363636376,88.30754545454548,84.68181818181819,5.3381818181818215,16.754545454545454,6.742157984588678,-0.0563672727272726,338,7,69,4,10,114,61,88,0.189,0.652,0.16,-0.25,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,4,0,4,3,0,1,2,15,13,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,0,1,12,3,14,11,1,12,0,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,6,47,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340176810116134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888897336790355,0.19176211025880646,0.0,0.0,0.1993098507702348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959931006265436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394721194159715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561510214494507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021039385144717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485091422623298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994337510777789,0.0,0.25211670952355364,0.0,0.0,0.4067867732832014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709927425513588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527076571142087,0.1713940655145372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677293898984735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350963788821145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590145872177154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406249579072954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OkRegion,2018/02/20,"Nothing to live for At this point my life is going nowhere at 27 years old, I have no great friendships and no one seems to care about me, girls just aren't interested in me, my job is horrible and I should be doing way better and I literally take enjoyment in nothing 

I just don't know what to do anymore, but I can't live like this much longer",5.428750000000001,4.849893263888891,6.016111111111113,83.99000000000002,67.75,9.422222222222222,30.5,8.841846274778883,2.060433333333333,273,9,61,4,4,89,51,72,0.131,0.725,0.14400000000000002,0.2396,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,0,9,15,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,9,6,9,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993435708421855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505378328517074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363880249254773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176653295757446,0.0,0.0,0.25561706328508915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007680789846374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741950402484872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637635493485698,0.1132709165741826,0.0,0.40945819001402456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043750702362334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449354755052272,0.0,0.2432891152955737,0.0,0.15710855588357847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917457939834706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110688698146808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432345055647133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403290444221904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930474460673462
suicidewatch,Here_forthecats,2018/02/20,"I feel there won't be any other choice (no place to live) I don't want to get into a lot of personal details or write something extremely long, as I'm known to do, so I'll just quickly lay it out:



After moving across the country/giving up any hope of a decent future, I find myself alone and facing homelessness. I left home for a relationship and it ended 2 years ago. I lost the love of my life(my oldest cat). I have very little contact with my biological family, with good reason. I'm on disability for a number of conditions but my case is now under review and I haven't seen a doctor in 2 years. I've been asked to leave my current living situation(it was only temporary), the wait lists for disabled housing(where I actually know people/lived for most of my adult life) are several years long, I've applied elsewhere for disabled housing(in neighboring states) but I'm not having any luck/don't want to move into a place without seeing it first. I'm in great emotional pain and often physical pain, I hate the way I look, and I'm just.. tired of suffering. I've been limping through life for too long. 


I'm still here because of my cats. I live to be their mom. Now I'm facing trying to move into disabled housing with them. And no, giving them up isn't an option. As I said, they're the reason I'm here, they're my family, they're my companions, and life is definitely not worth living without them.  


I'm terrified of moving into one of these apartments for other reasons. I'm very sensitive to noise, I'm extremely uncomfortable living near other people(I know), and I'm a very private/introverted person. I'm also afraid of moving into one of the complexes with crime/etc.  And I'm afraid of moving to yet another place where I don't know anyone. I've done that and these have been the most painful, lonely, & stressful years of my life. 


That's IF I get into one of these places. But I haven't. And, if I do, I'll have to somehow pack up all of my belongings and my cats and move across the country alone. It's just not really feasible.  And I hate where I currently live/have experienced too much trauma here so staying in this state any longer isn't an option. 


It just feels so hopeless. Next week I have to meet with a psychologist for an exam(for continuation of my SSDI case, which involves depression/anxiety) and I'm terrified of that, as well. If I lose my monthly income, that will be it for me. But even with it I'm facing homelessness. 


This has been going on for too long. I didn't have the best childhood(abuse, bullying, etc), I struggled for years while I was employed (I was too socially phobic to attend college, now I have some cognitive issues), my last relationship was something I can't even begin to describe(I was almost completely isolated), and the list goes on.  I have no one to reach out to. The few people I call friends are aware of how bad it is for me but are powerless to help because their own situations just don't allow for me to live with them. 


I need a miracle.",4.258240369799689,5.691476267796612,5.4995454545454585,79.51663713405244,71.0677966101695,8.550077041602465,27.646379044684128,9.033387906413283,2.260949152542373,2378,84,450,47,44,793,259,590,0.163,0.759,0.077,-0.995,5,4,2,0,1,1,92.0,0,0,6,4,31,23,2,4,23,0,41,13,3,5,1,79,81,34,0,7,19,1,3,0,3,2,9,1,2,3,21,31,0,1,11,0,1,9,18,16,1,5,14,8,53,7,83,62,10,73,0,5,3,1,26,30,0,14,30,299,74,5,0.0,0.07059553363817128,0.05814393676759489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528163018270601,0.0,0.059663279026588426,0.12341902643786963,0.0,0.04764811326761378,0.0,0.06455762678794076,0.0,0.1620726051479688,0.0624774588584547,0.04558045854554143,0.0,0.0,0.04166147770715067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557016056110597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974890870229132,0.07264189250102734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252817032660624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060840406409529514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624711301588089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098522569237496,0.0,0.06097359631549733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702230633968204,0.052772420547658856,0.0,0.13290050146585505,0.07870737439363677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233817908854424,0.0,0.06025341657671673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054457336480103175,0.05068085421391852,0.0,0.0,0.04603330091994068,0.0,0.062258806616783416,0.057156974665082426,0.033862114612018386,0.049974984137697666,0.0,0.0656899297527558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765079025994678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039936901804383335,0.0,0.05976611753158535,0.059178878334120624,0.0,0.06875021907146521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062188662437245974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982349710260311,0.048567699598717116,0.0,0.06308927710328377,0.06473657355313246,0.0,0.2104244512184924,0.0,0.05971732984609441,0.3682871474839559,0.2109145924396228,0.050034303786065215,0.06665759023862625,0.06504135016940787,0.05065492095609495,0.053775543277648906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978231786130455,0.047558192575958766,0.4432874656946485,0.04380000192369684,0.0441796776323153,0.0,0.0,0.06336667739141759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149860837793606,0.04531518521715811,0.1901999807338972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041307011637628,0.10405030243352488,0.2490041739221711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03817008284278473,0.18378223716667447,0.0,0.12793863937050504,0.0,0.0,0.056676613107846316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747954783813354,0.0,0.0,0.06731127899846404,0.0,0.0,0.06697323982399611,0.0,0.060736867514772135,0.0,0.0917390572509902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350703001692315,0.047582670996922566,0.0,0.0682515661129086,0.0622885782244476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848133252735637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045261450486153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147485436994726,0.07028661853748329,0.04729382463611997,0.04779349711230231,0.0,0.05357183380131996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487083059631505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184592098280434
suicidewatch,WarrenRazor,2018/02/20,"How do I prevent my parents from discovering me when they come home? Was wondering if there was a way to prevent my parents from seeing my body after I have done the deed. It’s going to be a gorey mess probably so I want to make sure they don’t see it.

I don’t plan on killing myself until at least February of next year. Just want to be prepared when the time comes. 
",2.6644588744588766,3.962225337662338,4.126688311688317,88.333841991342,74.84415584415585,7.2112554112554115,25.82034632034632,7.793537801064563,1.2848891774891782,289,10,63,4,6,96,55,77,0.09,0.784,0.125,-0.3213,2,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,1,6,3,1,0,4,0,9,1,1,2,1,12,18,6,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,3,2,11,1,11,13,1,13,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,7,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323516944082621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603798952719968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406364658831925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888174838061695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098244786979298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314265485832441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962919658607914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224651792622709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645390118508223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255312939890318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333378569176251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714956471498826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197447228509008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467594299775905,0.16603725504941555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684666070660936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470498678207646
suicidewatch,kikounette,2018/02/20,"Dealing with Pssd for 8 years... I'm thinking to end it all. I'm looking for ideas of how to do it, surely and painless. 
I'm 22, I haven't felt horny for 8 years because of s
SSRI and I miss it so much, and my life feels empty since then.
I'm having troubles of learning new stuff and commiting to it. 
My parents pressure me to study and I feel clueless because my lack of hobbies and passion.
I am in a first happy relationship that I have difficult to enjoy because of my insecurities. (I feel like I'm not pretty, smart or good enough for him).
And this feels like I'm a weak bitch but right now I am overwhelmed by all of this.",1.5540909090909096,3.3361628939393992,3.450000000000003,89.92000000000004,79.15151515151516,5.612121212121212,25.393939393939394,6.42735559955562,0.7915484848484851,490,19,106,4,12,165,79,132,0.162,0.711,0.128,-0.3384,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,16,1,3,2,0,6,3,0,1,4,25,20,12,0,1,3,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,1,6,13,8,18,19,5,9,0,2,1,1,4,2,1,1,9,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345437754192534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859645349756587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202482433743215,0.18901925439420625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36998678988984707,0.2613755238455546,0.17564489211674125,0.0,0.0,0.1556031809051716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343597928891362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947361615141797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650970685774248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292113736347813,0.17874418063898262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361810577670335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447720502524876,0.0,0.0,0.17667835880459545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312605427608327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861091822334765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640216759865656,0.0,0.1562242488818188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132451975996766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094151438764786,0.0,0.0,0.17241270231858574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721642984129725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356064120198537
suicidewatch,boardidiot,2018/02/20,"It’s pretty much when at this point, not even if. I’ve decided I want to die. I want to leave everything to my daughter. She doesn’t know me yet. What can I do to help secure her future before I do this?

I don’t want any comments saying that I need help, or this is selfish because my daughter is on the way, it has nothing to do with that, you don’t know my situation.

I know where I’m going to go, I need a painless way to go. If anyone has suggestions I’m all ears. 

Edit #1: probably starving to death or dehydration. Least messy, gives me time and I’ll pass out before anything painful sets in. I’ll keep editing as the days pass. Hope you all have a nice dinner tonight. 

Edit #2: Day 2. I’m hungry. I have job interviews. I’m thirsty as fuck too. Hope I can nail an interview at least.",0.11252127324298657,2.239861197604796,2.46424204223133,93.05021115663412,86.7245508982036,5.4319571383548695,21.36432398361172,6.8360192770164,0.4699293413173651,608,21,137,8,19,207,100,167,0.122,0.718,0.16,0.3632,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,0,0,5,7,1,0,5,0,14,4,1,0,2,22,34,8,2,9,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,3,1,2,4,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,0,2,19,4,16,34,5,22,0,0,0,1,14,7,1,6,7,78,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066057913091593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961395466000773,0.0,0.12900449866556518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955626822336416,0.0,0.2667914770051967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220132125870388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626976490513989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035420134258892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408905586830091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144927009534653,0.0,0.15038357672959382,0.26728002702146303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101529751017683,0.0,0.0,0.31140666359191715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555653878918131,0.13934021672968186,0.0,0.0,0.2584623554585623,0.0,0.0,0.16599183563633071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524054568396427,0.2324789924602783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504205496982235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680935012315026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819389564538768,0.0,0.0,0.15948668559370593,0.16901952618938842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466607222121025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621078457909112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141111704803696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773927369449952,0.24886602370670266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SubstantialContext,2018/02/20,"Can someone please just tell me I'm worth more than nothing? I have it planned out, but can't bring myself to go through with it. I feel like I have nothing and no one. I realize I'm being petty and begging for attention but I'm in a horrible depressive state and need to know I'm not a waste of space and human garbage.",2.893970588235294,3.900165161764708,4.290470588235299,88.52511764705883,73.8529411764706,7.792941176470588,29.776470588235288,8.238735603445708,1.9423023529411765,253,11,56,4,5,84,49,68,0.146,0.69,0.16399999999999998,-0.1705,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,14,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,6,1,9,13,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758345138474856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193016995204895,0.2287896981955352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200786895058055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600335889364013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646004851917802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23746446637822785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6145851750026221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701256615350265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515429928893765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27135038439539944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27991632783751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnmanlyThrowaway1234,2018/02/20,"I don’t want support. I just want someone to listen and acknowledge what I have to say. I’m a bad person. How am I so narcissistic but also at the same time such a self-deprecating piece of shit? I’m fat, unhygienic, unmanly and have a horrible personality.

Some people like me and call me their friend. I don’t know if their standards are super low or what, but I wish I had the heart to tell them how much I appreciate the fact they like me. I wish they would ignore me and go for better friends but at the same time, it feels like a knife going through my chest when I see them talk to other people, as if I’m selfish and need approval, even if it won’t do much.

I get jealous when I see the men around me. They’re confident and responsible. I was beaten a lot by my uncles as a kid. I can tell one of them feels remorse over his actions since he’s been too nice over the years, trying to buy me expensive things and whatever. 

The abuse ripped apart every inch of manhood I had. I wasn’t strong, I wasn’t dignified and I wasn’t brave. I’ve bonded more with my sisters than any other men I’ve met in my life. They understood the abuse as they had gone through it as well, however they could be a bit stoic at times. 

Because of the abuse, I’ve grown to not trust many people and be extremely anxious and shy 24/7. I hear my family members, schoolmates, etc talk about how I lack ambition, how I’m too reserved and feminine, how I’m not as good as the other kids. Sorry I can’t speak in a room full of people, sorry if my face flushes red when my name is called, sorry I feel more comfortable being alone for days than visiting some of the family but it’s your fault for sitting back there and supporting the abuse when I was younger. Every time I took one step too far, I’d be threatened as you thought it was a good way to control me.

My father died when I was 4 and I was vulnerable. Beating and threatening me with violence are the two things you should definitely not be doing... All those punches that were thrown, tears I’ve shedded and lashes from your belts were for no benefit. And even then, my father probably wouldn’t have treated me any nicer had he still been alive at that point. 

I’m the runt of the family now. I’m stupid, weak, shy and not manly enough. Why can’t I be more like my fucking doctor aunts or lawyer uncles?! I’d kill myself if I didn’t have two sisters and a few friends who care. I’m happy for my sisters, but their success still hurts... Good job graduating suma cum laude with a 4.0 GPA and degrees in mathematics and electrical engineering. I cried tears of joy because of how happy I was for you that night. If only I could make them as proud of me as you did.",3.3687317958479035,4.5672656642468255,4.556482670089861,86.33123234916559,72.93829401088931,7.843849320525874,25.417245805851888,8.331364938255728,1.4371228453809042,2115,66,452,34,41,696,266,551,0.205,0.595,0.201,-0.2286,2,1,0,0,4,1,62.0,0,6,12,9,28,41,6,0,26,0,46,9,5,8,2,78,80,56,2,17,18,6,3,4,3,4,4,4,1,7,17,24,1,2,7,0,2,8,15,13,1,4,24,10,72,28,52,44,18,44,0,2,3,1,51,17,2,11,21,299,89,7,0.0,0.3654807143459317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986920634665043,0.0,0.06166985918521085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488342614028613,0.0,0.0,0.08711944320014002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686498364971239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059297657226274475,0.06438887049014652,0.094018733886164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820308058329905,0.08419100199340705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748868270916053,0.0,0.07862518435223224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649246244797244,0.12314214501011213,0.0,0.08470860963590814,0.049733619260428095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003452086385136,0.0,0.0,0.07893177762787447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796817290471723,0.08600503408194697,0.10186914785967836,0.0,0.12994757943513954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809508951393367,0.0,0.11697692083349275,0.0550918839918527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873953390045838,0.07129275583246075,0.04029007209091312,0.0,0.08765391519735302,0.19404442420911652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418342255332558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691564928390151,0.09138316003388308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255456992657052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652600609482127,0.0,0.08531773522957042,0.0,0.042381089300873365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446950733551921,0.15070047139992102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556150135169465,0.0,0.0,0.051475713990366524,0.07818380141764303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337867402117267,0.05718074256436007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236840235147238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451197071893636,0.058650403964543824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385086765110925,0.1346699178457404,0.0,0.0,0.07289980833822142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314439006386226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061325959018933125,0.0,0.0,0.12290337763889445,0.0,0.08044909577611929,0.0,0.0791587505729627,0.06379138157301295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534037159959731,0.0,0.0,0.2589760768810821,0.0,0.0,0.1231703175131151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750212754763154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239662853425479,0.13480605099159793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246525617529542,0.0,0.0,0.061221710293528527,0.17986848604696953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567902168080832,0.0523568903175033,0.0,0.15066279519675038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097035686316274,0.06121131154257009,0.0,0.0,0.06933679468619122,0.0,0.0695854456948798,0.0,0.17735982643943066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478119089955358,0.0,0.0,0.04966035429700083
suicidewatch,Chesire193,2018/02/20,"Girlfriend thinks I cheated on her My girlfriend was cleaning out my car. For context I've Clorox'd my car but never fully cleaned it and vaccumed it. She was, and she found four condoms. I know they're mine, I have had sex before her, with the most recent being the summer. She thinks I cheated on her. Apparently two were wet? I swear to god I'm innocent. I'm not arguing that with you all so please trust me and help me because if I can't convince her I'm killing myself. I've given everything to her. My best friend even messaged me to see if I'm okay and a couple friends from school asked if I was alive still. I've been intoxicated by her since we started dating and I havent veen with anyone else friend or otherwise",1.893469387755104,4.17950297278912,3.242884353741495,89.2675918367347,80.49659863945578,5.824761904761906,24.765986394557824,7.03164865440522,1.023423945578232,575,22,117,7,15,187,95,147,0.093,0.642,0.264,0.9856,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,1,0,1,3,11,4,0,3,1,10,3,0,0,2,23,22,11,1,3,6,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,3,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,8,2,28,7,12,13,3,11,0,0,1,2,20,3,0,5,6,76,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934653117600454,0.2041937080389368,0.0,0.0,0.1863070142973546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214838778551174,0.0,0.16957907860959898,0.0,0.20914005252145604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050795089764705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647922683979696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162758744203062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910685449513772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185085790115842,0.4619073413716621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357828475206387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048221449256672,0.0,0.1095232591034031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537028911811583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875795176997756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967724734805934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016897016407619,0.15880642399569764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648527710787551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410567966892917,0.0,0.1591513434573205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553909083068279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467503818072707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trulyboringperson,2018/02/20,"I can't do this anymore. I’m broke. Come next month, after I pay rent and some health bills, I will be unable to afford food. I can’t work because I’m suicidally depressed, and have horrible anxiety about everything. Leaving the house makes me sick to my stomach, to the point of vomiting usually. I have no car, my bike is broke and I can’t afford to fix it. The bus system in my town is practically nonexistent in the part of town I live in. I’m on medication that I won’t be able to afford in a few months when I lose my insurance that I have through my school.

I have no friends. I can’t even look people in the eyes. If I catch a glance with someone I think they’re out to get me, judging me, hostile towards me- or that they think I am a creep for looking at them. How will I ever be able to have a job if I can’t even look at people?

On top of that I have no marketable skills. I’m completely worthless and apparently lazy. And this degree in getting is a worthless piece of paper that has a $60k price tag. In theory, I’m supposed to graduate from uni this spring, but I’m so woefully unprepared for a real life that all graduating will do is put me even further into a financial hole that is inescapable.

I have no future and the only reasons I’m still here are: I’m too much of a coward to kill myself, and I think that it would have a ripple effect in my family that would ruin my newborn niece’s life as depression runs deep in my family.

But as the never ending despair I have continues to permeate every aspect of my personality, my will to live diminishes more and more. And I think that I need to rent a storage locker to get my things out of the house I live in, cut ties with my family and open my veins somewhere off in the mountains where no one will be able to stop it. I’m pretty sure that’s my only goal at this point, because it’s at least attainable and in my control, unlike every other thing in my life.
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suicidewatch,TellMeImNotCrazy20,2018/02/20,"Some stuff I know the titles pretty naff and the formatting and spelling probably will be cause I’m writing this on my phone but I just need to get some thoughts written out and maybe someone to talk to. I’m 20 years old and I’ve been dealing with ‘low mood’ since I was 13 and clinical depression since I was 17. 

I was diagnosed with a long term illness and I had to be away from school and in a hospital for about 6 months, I was meant to get home schooled afterwards to catch up on all id missed but I had a crush on this girl in my art class so I decided to go back to school and teach myself modern studies, biology, chemistry and physics and I got a 2 in all of them except physics cause I can’t math good. Fast forward to Age 17 and I’m starting to stress about everything, slowly hate myself more and more and couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I started to get a reputation at school for being lazy and I rolled with it cause it was easier than telling someone what was happening, that I was starting to wish I was dead and that the reason I was late for so many lessons was that I was crying in the toilet. I fell in with a group of really nice and smart people that kept me around cause I was funny and again in this group I was a lazy slacker who was late or sometimes just didn’t show up for when we had planned to outside of school cause I “accidentally slept in”. The only person who had an idea of what was happening was my mum and she was really good in getting me my first round of counselling and getting me onto some antidepressants. 

After this life was looking good, I had left school and was in the middle of a college course for art and design looking to go into illustration afterwards, I even got myself a girlfriend but I hated being with her cause well she just wasn’t my type and the only reason I asked her out was cause I was lonely and I thought it gave me another reason to not kill myself, we broke up eventually which is where the next part of my story begins. 
A few months later, I was about 18 and a half at this time, I had been speaking to one my friends sisters cause I’m a terrible friend like that and pretty quickly had a pretty big crush on her but she was this cool alternative girl and I thought she’d never go for this lazy loser persona I’d gotten in the group. Well we ended up spending a lot of time together outside of the group and it turned out we had a lot in common, it was amazing to me that she somehow saw past the walls I’d put up and was getting to know me for me in ways that no one had before, she wanted to know my favourite bands, movies, video games, she even asked me about my blackhawks hoodie and sat and watched a game with me, eventually I took a chance and asked her out and it turns out she had had a massive crush on me too and we started going out, and I was happy, I was actually happy for the first time in a long time so happy I quit my antidepressants cold turkey. 

This is probably my biggest regret I have to this day, if only I’d kept going how I was I might not be in such bad shape now. But anyway during this year and about two month relationship a lot happened, I had some incredible times with this girl, some of the most tender and realest moments of my life but we fought a lot initially it was dumb shit but then it started being about serious shit, I would go from being fine to being inconsolable at the slightest thing and it was putting strain on the relationship. So I went and got myself back on medication and it helped me gain some perspective on things and I calmed down, but now she would start to get annoyed and stressed about the littlest things, she had issues that I was aware of and I did my best to help but she wasn’t willing to help herself, she wouldn’t get counselling, wouldn’t even ask the doctor about it, she was content with self harming and treating people around her badly she’d convinced herself that she could handle it all herself. I was devastated seeing the relationship I’d put so much store into crumbling away and my mental health started to suffer too but for the first time it was a completely internal breakdown, I wouldn’t cry in front of anyone, I exhausted myself every day putting on the smile everyone expected, I wasn’t getting any college work done there or at home, I began to distance myself from everyone emotionally but wouldn’t let it show, the world in those months felt so cold and dark and unforgiving and for the first time I saw absolutely no future for myself. So one night when I was alone I got a belt, tied it around the handle of my cupboard door and hung my self. Just as I thought that, that was it and I was finally free the handle on the door ripped itself out and I sat slouched against the door crying for hours before just getting into bed and going to sleep. 

I eventually told everyone what I’d done and they all seemed even more determined to see me get the help they all thought I needed. Me and that girl eventually broke up, around two days after my 20th birthday, I couldn’t take the fact that she didn’t seem to want to get any better, the constant up and down of our relationship was doing worse things for us than it was good. 
I hope she gets the help she needs, I still dream of her sometimes, sometimes we argue in my dreams, sometimes My dreams are replays of those gentle and tender memories that we shared. I don’t miss her and what she became but I miss what she was and meant to me at that time in my life. 

Fast forward about 5 months and i was doing fine for a while until reacently and Now I’m at the lowest I’ve felt since the first time I tried to kill myself, I want to die but I don’t have the energy, everyday is a struggle, every word I speak takes 100times the effort that the last one took. My dose of antidepressants has been put up and if I haven’t started to feel better in a month I’ve been given the option of more. I’ve cut myself off completely from all of my friends and I don’t know how to tell them that I miss them and I want someone to talk to. The only friend I was still talking to I’ve not spoken to in about a week cause he said the ways In which I was trying to better myself and my life where stupid. I’ve finally gotten the house to myself for the first time in a while and I’ve spent the last two hours typing this out and crying on the bathroom floor and I’ll probably just stay here till someone gets in then I’ll put the smile back on and try not to worry them. If I had one wish i think I could go for a really long hug but the world is dark and cold and unforgiving so I guess the floor will do. 

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suicidewatch,DudeInIndy,2018/02/20,"Don't talk about it ... I've learned a lot in recent days. I've learned that my nephew is being raised to be an obedient little statist that lies, cheats, and steals. I've learned that 90 days in the basement makes me responsible for my sister's kids and their fuck-ups. I've learned ""don't talk about it"". Don't talk about killing yourself.

I knew my sister was fucked up and evil. I think I moved into her place KNOWING killing myself there was the only place I could do it, other than on some public street. I wasn't ready to kill myself 3 months ago - now I'm ready.

I hope when they get back from their trip that she finds my body - but I also know she's a sociopath, so she'll probably laugh.",2.479032634032631,4.125569671328673,2.755402097902099,96.53259032634035,76.06293706293705,5.605827505827506,21.706876456876454,5.985473137389443,-0.04232354312354314,545,14,124,3,12,166,90,143,0.104,0.782,0.114,0.535,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,3,0,9,9,6,0,5,0,12,2,1,1,0,19,21,7,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,4,0,21,2,13,13,2,19,0,0,0,1,15,9,1,3,8,70,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392288700837666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256050261450587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207734845620188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446408834946986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540382407150832,0.0,0.0,0.20258818910981136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355479584168165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904085911205378,0.08206011210706708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600123594914214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213082941520948,0.0,0.17263791096733525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742064611255116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353126146530464,0.0,0.0,0.10484227606516214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253679865216244,0.16693550729050888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945520260165315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32819951967522426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934290795803889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550829889270045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787293027083138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064107215919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ACB1111,2018/02/20,"Help I’ve taken 230mg of lexapro, 125mg prothiden but no alcohol, should I take alcohol for it to work?? 
Also would tylex help in anyway?? 
Don’t feel anything yet - maybe a tiny bit shacky

UPDATE - i feel heavy. Like im sinking into the bed. 
Thought maybe I should have written a letter.",1.068270676691725,3.5692979824561455,2.4909774436090224,91.70684210526319,86.71929824561403,5.3624060150375925,22.177944862155385,6.868970318607317,0.7436786967418549,223,8,45,3,7,72,46,57,0.051,0.7759999999999999,0.173,0.7789,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,11,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,3,1,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099212139538264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078571274551046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632419222619032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260458521136413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412580528084517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198191807848812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25769838922307664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655408828148127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793547039855406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793762376098087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893992914556719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368304848763386,0.0,0.0,0.1694745000054351,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForeverWanderjahr,2018/02/20,"Graduate this past December, still haven't found any opportunities and I'm feeling like a burden. So I went back to school about four years ago because I wasn't finding work. So I found something I enjoyed, I worked through a lot of my problems to be there succeed. I really thought i nailed it...Now, it's been three months since I've found anything, I have a huge debt and time is just flying by. I'm doing my best to look for opportunities but I'm running out of money, places to stay, and more quickly losing confidence in my abilities as each day goes on.  I always said going into it, if it doesn't work on, I could kill myself. I worked so hard for that to not be the case but I feel like it's a fast moving, unapproachable future.  
  
I've been making some goodbye letters to friends and family this week, written on postcards/ thank you notes I had bought for job interviews. 
  
",4.1023076923076935,5.508056091954025,4.956436781609195,83.36685676392575,71.41379310344827,7.882581786030062,27.75243147656941,8.384062270229773,1.8562410256410256,696,25,138,11,13,226,116,174,0.12,0.713,0.166,0.8034,2,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,9,9,13,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,0,24,29,11,1,3,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,7,0,3,4,4,4,0,2,12,5,18,9,21,14,5,25,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,3,14,86,25,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334866393367658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578449597856025,0.0,0.0,0.09462722026009862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450913650993375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069982680343283,0.0,0.08482495058963725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603003241799584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111004789602032,0.0,0.0,0.0897406638450908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311788578523174,0.0,0.14071750908484507,0.1988185181543546,0.0,0.0,0.12718118201842474,0.0,0.0,0.4577145481026158,0.10750745448865193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908252662289797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465165909597802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808555843083462,0.0,0.15394958804764522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596396709416378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685150813987558,0.1556739948187829,0.0,0.1183009147830769,0.0,0.0,0.09288414585726967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106872897979916,0.1478951296163369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328350498874497,0.0,0.0,0.14538282265472974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314838860422998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914347574564595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236414253367804,0.0,0.0,0.1408278964927331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151068636284163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712497610583442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831608863174733,0.11112589656663584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281112319502528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047008050436803,0.08113986867787608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161826575483777,0.0,0.0,0.12899405561178773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052133500861285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089608462598684
suicidewatch,DyspraxicStonerGod,2018/02/20,"Not really sure to say My apologies if me posting is inappropriate or not what I should be doing.

I've had a couple of long stints in mental hospitals, got a bit of a substance abuse problem, and lots of stuff going wrong right now. Specifically my partner left me a few days ago and I'm really struggling to cope with that. Adjusting to life without him in a platonic way just seems monumentality hard, what we had was special and I don't think I'll ever find anything close to that again - I don't even want to be with anyone else. I know what I just wrote is painfully cringey and cliche and I'm sorry for being so melodramatic.

After so much shit throughout my life I'm noticing patterns, and I've been thoroughly analysing life past, present and future and at this point I'm just kind of tired of being locked in this cycle. I feel awful, and so weary. I think I'm done, and that's oddly calming.",4.894646182495342,5.767943525139668,5.653198324022348,81.10016992551212,69.05586592178771,8.201303538175045,28.883147113594042,8.344100000000001,1.9357147113594049,717,25,141,10,12,234,113,179,0.193,0.777,0.03,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,10,9,1,1,5,1,15,6,1,0,2,36,29,15,0,4,8,0,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,9,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,3,14,4,19,17,4,21,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,4,10,89,23,0,0.0,0.17706839769366167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247435715346212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449571981373394,0.15312450423335994,0.12298085575947565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631557041238163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535852639630674,0.0,0.09637993938706617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293456178887158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484248079836045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870729741903132,0.1351819478368716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556410001438951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659041608239406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493328214785552,0.0,0.11952516290368212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387375169082627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556244186261974,0.08213130028978415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237289755442916,0.0,0.3166731816530685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225450325550914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705316082694834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506058440451256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985958685939898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170144613188787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902047478211592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266257355450432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412742368934531,0.0,0.14312741192588185,0.0,0.0,0.1429990939816658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147713914727765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127625581126215,0.0,0.1188450046667205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360495071868609,0.0,0.0,0.15340358686198627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672919242132525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623281208339276,0.1710792634636628,0.0,0.0,0.140850549671047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915171950975759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176553809615686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814678693078422,0.11862282665138467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406006206907998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339511796006992,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZXTheBootyLover,2018/02/20,"I fucked up. I've really fucked up over the last week. Lost $300 gambling, failed all my prelims at school. Can't speak to my parents because we argue all the time. 

Thank you for your time.",0.3438461538461546,2.7192356923076986,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,89.51282051282051,4.1456410256410265,18.056410256410253,5.6839178017228535,-0.5113528205128208,148,4,33,1,5,46,32,39,0.348,0.6,0.052000000000000005,-0.936,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,2,0,2,0,6,3,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,6,1,6,4,2,8,0,2,0,2,6,4,2,0,4,17,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243477887603493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5533483640188505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24394842237031036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326693149845645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323085902529038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172272041246408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028814750570286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27553148112574377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490183937009503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24005971698140915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awayawayletsthrow,2018/02/20,"Enough (( if anyone gives af to read this, just a heads up that my grammar and tenses are messy. I'm pretty riled up right now and thoughts are coming 100 mph ))

I'm sick of my height being the thing that stands out the most about me and what other people use to make themselves feel better about themselves overall. 

You probably think that height is a stupid reason to kill yourself over and it probably is. 

I'm really short. It sucks. What sucks more is that there's nothing that can be done about it.  I've been teased and harrassed since I was a kid  because of it. I loathe myself for it and the unwanted attention it brings. It also doesn't help that I'm naturally a private, quiet, unconfident person who is easy to walk all over. 

The emotional and mental pain this issue has caused me has been going in for long enough. ""You have to learn to love yourself""and ""you're a girl, so it's not that big of a deal"" (I'll be the judge of that!) is their advice. Well fuck that. I hate my shortness and am reminded of it every fucking day. And while I admit that being a short dude must be no walk in the park - I'm not going to deny that guys often have it really fucking tough  - girls get shit too.

I've put up with ~20 years of this and frankly I just don't want to face a lifetime of more  disparaging comments, insults, and being the butt of jokes. Especially as it's over something I didn't get to choose and have no control over, and whose ridicule is something that is so universally socially accepted. 

I'd been thinking a lot about doing myself in  and after today, I'm pretty confident it's going to happen soon. 

Thanks to anyone who read this. Have a nice life. Sorry if I don't respond. I'm going to take a nap and then probably delete this out of  embarrassment. I'm so pathetic ino ",3.060912476722536,4.845039039106148,4.094167597765363,86.96400744878956,74.81005586592178,6.896238361266295,23.385847299813786,7.675431598112923,1.038521489757915,1408,41,284,19,30,456,188,358,0.181,0.723,0.095,-0.9855,0,0,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,2,1,2,16,22,12,1,18,0,34,11,4,5,2,46,69,24,1,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,36,19,0,1,10,4,0,9,8,15,1,0,7,2,17,7,42,55,7,38,0,0,0,5,21,19,7,5,9,189,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753651394686364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800443090098453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389464071828762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708354193605155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732750117688953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304843480651056,0.0,0.0947956221396272,0.0,0.0,0.1234269063611543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097111810350656,0.11345347628727485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261614103362452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378790098083875,0.0,0.2274156390382837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271922237413197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055642996878934516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052096350125841,0.11498988037808755,0.10556697175334924,0.2501686569453398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896368887881408,0.09731407123327483,0.0,0.0,0.10864848712609086,0.11293982266771765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376208781874542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486032648438894,0.0,0.0,0.12175054125046245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772934879132855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738800449512353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355790156974543,0.09932158396201192,0.0,0.07345713083824297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090134744616036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559292621207306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709761355330088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629263368672831,0.09608866986304763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391443000960096,0.3559473700858259,0.0,0.0,0.11062748532076404,0.0,0.0,0.2201532722756328,0.0,0.1409976675951992,0.1131464961387822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397941364915173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296151616115853,0.09103189638978196,0.0,0.0,0.11217891105835384,0.0,0.16943889214294905,0.0,0.12318844550648175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274154013339485,0.0,0.0,0.10131635964741637,0.0,0.0,0.0731102411775325,0.14102716352139966,0.0,0.08736491122812517,0.0,0.0,0.1043115519480382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504515042197023,0.0,0.0,0.06490848682302483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989453395463563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086656716895627
suicidewatch,throwbadway12345,2018/02/20,"My sister just attempted suicide, what can I do to help her now? She is the most quiet person in the world. Really reclusive and it is difficult to communicate with her. She is 18 and I'm 23. I guess I always knew she was depressed but I never did anything because of how hard it is to reach her. She never opens herself.
She took a bunch of pills and alcohol but I found her probably an hour after she took them and left a note. Currently she is in the hospital.

I'm devastated. I never expected this. I want to help her in any way I can but I don't know how. Obviously looking for professional help is my priority now but I also need to know what to do at a personal level now that I've ignored for long enough all the signs.

Also I would like to know what kind of professional should I be looking for? She has never gone to any but I always suspected that she suffers from depression and social anxiety.",1.0800745156482885,3.5511829016393506,3.709828614008945,83.2805700447094,86.10382513661202,7.261698956780925,23.072280178837556,8.296473431620573,1.8131770491803283,713,27,141,18,22,249,100,183,0.159,0.763,0.077,-0.9497,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,0,8,0,17,2,0,2,6,36,32,14,1,5,6,1,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,8,7,1,1,6,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,7,4,31,2,21,22,4,23,0,3,2,0,23,8,0,2,12,111,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490711594478084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168665012624849,0.2256475970836783,0.0,0.0,0.1844150608415917,0.0,0.1037278697185058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158105098275853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265591222523279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23357119438130455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010326941973614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486701465751823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937039440930466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214642215686183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27265432684404506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335312716022065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119869374509486,0.2235542291925029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732161724157636,0.0,0.0,0.06624363263291172,0.0,0.0,0.11999507060931583,0.2277270527847633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054009968047264,0.4183090927468007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23678823248809844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619161784203671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686400941546119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821944933677488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831615649242566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012964503081824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997595288917446,0.10762699272636378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632100155846857,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rabbithole132451,2018/02/20,"Why is it so loud? Why is it so loud in my head.? The voices keeps on repeating how much of a failure i am.

Why is it so loud? Why do keep on telling me to open my skin, why do keep on telling me that the wound is better than what i am feeling right now.

People try to tell me things, and it keeps on repeating on my head over and over again.

The blade keeps on winking at me everyday. The noose is calling me every night.

I dont want to wake up.

I do want to listen to their voices. I want silence.

Forever. ",-0.36166666666666814,1.5509712272727292,1.8231818181818191,98.31810606060608,86.72727272727272,5.121212121212121,19.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.16578787878787882,385,11,95,4,12,129,58,110,0.069,0.8909999999999999,0.04,-0.2746,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,5,0,11,5,4,1,0,13,21,6,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,7,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,18,21,1,19,0,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,6,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229974373978896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296564506976715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881464849329476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698255669220802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420276093456284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062753055892723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643094614011345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334179577551632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915815194010965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802900627934307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084366077624254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329472404645985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435705478628477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862082081246579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224680784422337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5728793811600593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtensionStress,2018/02/20,"No matter what happens in my life I always end back in the same place I don't even know what to say here. I just feel so broken and alone. No matter how hard I try and how external things in my life change, I am still the same broken person. No matter how many medicines or years in therapy, I don't get better. I come back to the same place mentally and end up burning all my bridges and ruining everything. I can't keep doing it. It's never going to stop. It's just going to cycle back again and again and again. I'm not going to get better. I'm just to broken for it. I'm in a position where I can't stop everything going around me, but I can't keep up with it. I just want to die, but I just don't have the courage to do it myself.",1.9534886128364377,2.8107966832298144,3.934425465838512,90.75124482401657,75.95652173913044,7.1057971014492765,20.87008281573499,7.492282038375204,0.4546641821946165,570,12,134,7,12,195,76,161,0.187,0.765,0.049,-0.9654,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,20,4,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,3,2,36,26,13,1,1,9,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,9,0,4,2,0,0,5,11,1,0,0,0,3,17,3,18,26,4,29,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,1,13,96,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477845211904273,0.0,0.0,0.11873008448028292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702496594864504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291609976515024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523966386736905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509478295123196,0.12291539441425856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809040787552005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25276319633332056,0.0,0.0,0.09424585474894212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648238217117997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214870004958321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490999919753955,0.0,0.3243776288870159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261809055915783,0.0,0.12782283059567304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253660082358572,0.0,0.0,0.07841907133362895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157330789341854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446659630897709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379865393297722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100518564402887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459200634351605,0.2981628009845865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347336357420665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395296905508814,0.23859161158418896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317923920236005,0.0,0.09479735379363494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687761179207513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416266572873378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918881258200587
suicidewatch,Practically12,2018/02/20,"Well, this is probably it. Tonight I will try to kill myself. I'll tie a belt to my wall and around my neck and fall asleep. If it doesn't work for whatever reason, then I don't know. I'm in a very dark place right now and I don't want to be alive anymore.",-0.5989080459770122,1.1096609482758597,1.4041379310344837,102.21298850574713,86.06896551724138,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.6851126436781607,197,4,53,2,6,65,44,58,0.108,0.8059999999999999,0.086,-0.3009,0,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,6,2,2,1,0,8,9,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,6,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109719256167011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791390630841296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469128827049701,0.0,0.17232695900777922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276083732509162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380757817842765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223967363128467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677825409981593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288984875934405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587237171220796,0.1849485845772992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28193232341887564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827883655234515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Catachaos,2018/02/20,"I don't know how to help my friend For the past two days I've been sitting up trying to talk someone I really care about out of suicide. I haven't eaten, I've barely drunk, I've barely slept. All I've done is cry and be scared and plead with them. I don't want to be here either but I can't watch them do this. I can't let them do this. I need help.


What do I do? Nothing I say helps. I'm weak and exhausted. I would do anything to try and save them but nothing I can do can help. It hurts. I know they're hurting more. They're trying to push me away, I think to make it easier for himself to go. But I can't do it. I can't let him do it. I can't be there physically because I'm too far away. What can I do from hundreds of miles away?",-1.5142899408284016,0.2856487396449729,1.251062130177516,101.14345710059172,91.18934911242607,4.326745562130177,15.550591715976331,5.6839178017228535,-0.9662428402366868,563,12,149,4,20,194,86,169,0.163,0.71,0.127,-0.6192,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,4,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,29,5,1,2,1,20,41,8,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,8,6,2,0,3,1,0,2,8,5,0,1,4,2,25,3,19,31,3,12,0,2,1,0,13,7,0,0,2,97,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959439893173343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096276140272159,0.0,0.0,0.08859196121264612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481738584334452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596384369167927,0.09372597750186792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872328607632812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228177761287747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259452062716248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896471673622377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111580407248056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597393908341156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297220019610184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700905912537344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077605263969116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788965565422077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873415198601394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310226873958853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557243451739738,0.14550091643229998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313783492086094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896768699837213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681093638253112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931217452152968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960090657148671,0.0,0.14196652046410516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571953687953146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032384278910188,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChanceTulip,2018/02/20,"Really really really want to cease to exist (please help) I've just started uni last year and I feel so isolated from everyone else. It seems as though I couldn't connect and I think I feel even more isolated since we have a small class - I can't find anyone to talk to. My best friends from highschool all left to different countries and the more I talk to them, the more I miss them and feel alone. Just imagining my future being alone is so hard. I feel so guilt ridden and lonely and keep spending time thinking about the things I've done wrong and how I can't seem to get other people to like me or become closer to me. I kept browsing this reddit forum hours on end reading posts these past days and I seem to want to sleep just to escape this horrible reality (I decided to make an anonymous account just to post here). I think I have a tendency to overthink and overreact but I don't know if this is because of anxiety (I haven't seen a doctor and haven't been diagnosed) but whenever someone 'seens' me or ignores something I've sent I always feel like they don't like me. I keep trying to connect with people but I can't seem to do so. Now I keep having these 'panic attacks' where I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I tried to hang myself but it was too painful. I feel like I want to die but at the same time I want to live it is so confusing. I just want to not exist and need to feel this pain. I lost my appetite and just want to sleep all day now. I keep replaying scenarios in my mind over and over again and it's killing me. I really want to stop feeling like this and be happy again but right now I really want to die. Like I would be glad if I suddenly had a heart attack or stopped existing. I know some of you might think that I'm selfish but I can't deal with this pain anymore. I just keep listening to music and crying. I don't know what to do anymore please if any of you have any advice or help you can give me I would be so grateful

Sorry for the long post, really appreciate you reading about my situation ",2.3622103457376618,4.071259952494064,3.8259402216943776,88.46157594352074,76.55344418052256,7.243098442860915,23.333399313803113,8.07648339933343,1.1744678807073106,1604,49,342,27,36,530,195,421,0.199,0.65,0.152,-0.976,1,4,1,0,0,3,27.0,1,4,3,2,27,25,3,3,11,0,31,8,3,2,2,97,77,40,4,16,23,0,9,6,1,3,5,1,0,0,16,21,0,9,22,2,2,3,11,15,0,0,9,12,57,10,45,60,8,37,0,3,2,0,17,11,0,14,26,225,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461927491898907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697681808734094,0.0,0.0,0.05502358789793131,0.0,0.0,0.08993827934411132,0.0,0.05058755006200958,0.0,0.13116192388052508,0.046238062459640086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045973114922476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031086446643807,0.07303290781881343,0.0,0.0,0.06939699703816311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263823157431425,0.08529386017301313,0.06817480970551995,0.0,0.06711827733879766,0.20589050223237307,0.06908942733294053,0.0,0.06768455729056608,0.0,0.0676716504067005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524125232172741,0.0,0.058569561420290975,0.0,0.0,0.04367675720516532,0.0,0.0,0.06318790185486887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267489430755622,0.14172503991503688,0.0,0.0,0.06043956825661189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051090137947610435,0.0,0.034549021631503335,0.06343576632459533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039422273221033,0.059237477893072585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836170572347577,0.08864807787452257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512251630494321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938869263621896,0.07316056107683422,0.0,0.1090262510118058,0.05390294466634046,0.0,0.0,0.07184799714531159,0.0,0.0,0.193840079307573,0.0,0.05839201743479151,0.05852098050520516,0.0,0.0,0.07218625399540794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414078863242725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015109587390612,0.06677017964858377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903289096390216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109377470513527,0.0775866701506742,0.0,0.0,0.06312642277046829,0.09168931536933476,0.0,0.0,0.14517683005265866,0.0,0.0,0.1899963239866336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229129626169253,0.0,0.254178791301691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647273976465971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24080089106511104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547015606449256,0.07433036504067342,0.1323510193882399,0.0,0.0560298305426485,0.050908374985841234,0.0,0.07402460554895471,0.04680556394646259,0.0,0.0,0.11057152506188823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063019660082156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043932340752453364,0.16948797605876526,0.0649701815949162,0.0,0.07711924914455606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979280712409733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35103475838900905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939505168974393,0.07230031702068819,0.0,0.04258410486245216
suicidewatch,Mortyff,2018/02/20,"Hey, could use a hand Hi guys, I'v been going trough a lot lately, I lost all my friends because of my careless behavior, the girl I like blocked me on everithings and don't want to see me again, I'm 20, living with my mom, I quitted school few years ago and I didn't move from my computer since, she kinda hate me, I don't know, when she is angry after me (most of the time) she tells me that I can kill myself if I want to... I'm very alone, I haven't talked to or seen anyone (except my family) four month, please help me, I'm going insane... 
(Bad english sorry)",2.160859010270773,3.1586124621848732,3.548179271708687,93.17410830999069,75.63865546218487,6.2972922502334265,20.785247432306253,6.42735559955562,0.05659589169000912,429,9,100,3,9,141,84,119,0.185,0.705,0.111,-0.8044,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,2,0,4,0,8,1,1,1,1,16,21,5,1,4,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,4,3,23,2,10,16,4,12,0,1,2,0,12,1,0,5,9,57,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645474736879418,0.0,0.0,0.19225398506576166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979498127803188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499110998907584,0.1131567289025055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820835958346054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499297497437494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434152545684714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099263751497366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380029209594606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326860879102308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442212104043615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536919477425528,0.0,0.10201595436114567,0.0,0.20939577182332356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068816225672537,0.0,0.16391237881887386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263421491857556,0.15781376175257594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740454584958488,0.14816600501796695,0.1972925297529291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376312215868225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974375696754586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786482036908025,0.14792098989043367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355288829380825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779465618237888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920025790329933,0.16224651339107668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824081899658652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603224577803169,0.0,0.153162030305894,0.21897567823435585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953794772841675
suicidewatch,kimberlyannet,2018/02/20,"Please help me to help my brother. I'm 23, he's 19. We don't have the best family background (divorced parents, neglectful irresponsible Mother with suspected depression/bipolar disorder, Father with suspected depression and bad mood swings and anger management issues)

I've struggled with personal image issues my whole life and I've recently started seeing a therapist. While I don't feel much different yet, I'm hopeful that I may get better. Most days, I do want to continue living. When people ask me who I live for, I always mention 2 ppl - my Long term boyfriend and my Brother.

Recently, I found out that my brother has been cutting himself and that he wants to die. He's also said very painful things, like how he doesn't really love anyone enough to stay alive, not even me. I always thought we were partners through all the shit we went through, but now I realise that perhaps I'm just another shitty family member to him.

I'm very sure that if his life continues this way, he will kill himself one day. I really don't want that to happen. Despite the fact that he doesn't care for me as much, I love him and don't want to see him die. I want him to get better but he won't see a therapist. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do to stop this before the inevitable happens.",4.286761609907121,5.721581721568634,5.238720330237361,81.40792569659443,71.0,8.662538699690401,29.891640866873054,9.134995656068208,2.5853529411764704,1029,42,196,21,19,337,141,255,0.205,0.6859999999999999,0.109,-0.9815,2,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,3,0,0,3,7,19,4,1,6,0,19,6,1,1,3,39,48,14,3,7,5,6,1,1,1,3,3,1,0,2,13,13,0,2,7,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,6,5,33,9,19,39,8,18,0,2,3,2,34,1,1,4,15,116,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120891413109492,0.168994254334164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648326331556664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100561037312103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493485883956801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478939831739496,0.0,0.0,0.08641094888811643,0.0,0.10656969324909728,0.17962415311930932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353624816015712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098175573318735,0.0,0.08746423701948602,0.0,0.21078421835976852,0.10609737296814536,0.11638426066410035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492754122520806,0.0,0.06707233477134578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146322726373136,0.0,0.051346361873781776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111343532512366,0.0,0.0,0.10611060404533017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959936729599055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613266955938616,0.0,0.0,0.10086133782503058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198210806078674,0.0,0.0,0.11234922092669908,0.0,0.11161764554968387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345450443428318,0.049611843626386036,0.0,0.1793397308762392,0.08986790793910689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833043609454243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493007949836676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688124131295322,0.0,0.10805558250476413,0.0,0.11275844623488725,0.0,0.0,0.07040147722643005,0.08866890519022795,0.0,0.11147060323863893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011012471981226,0.0,0.20053530527388225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659660984404136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24276486049181795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423886584041517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187709562392837,0.1082380097276716,0.0,0.08489973637800367,0.0,0.106161345192556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570898471831793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358130575995163,0.06746482236297781,0.0,0.0,0.08061877682020413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757756487611047,0.2994819510122733,0.08060508340035831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413719020589036,0.0,0.11337613286422205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayzoff,2018/02/20,"I’m done I’ve been suicidal for most of my life. I started going on drugs for depression and OCD recently and those helped for about a year, but the effects soon wore off. Recently I’ve become worried that I’m bi polar. 

I quit my stable job to pursue a creative career and have failed. I am behind on rent, owe multiple other creatives money for different services, and I don’t know how I can make enough money in time. I’m also almost 30, I thought I’d be so much further along in my life by now. 

I’ve always worked hard and have kept my head down. As a result, it seems many people want to see me fail. I got cocky, I worked harder, made more money, I didn’t rely on anyone for anything, and here I am. Alone and strapped for cash in an expensive city.

I’m ordering a suicide kit today with some of my leftover funds. Though I’m happy to talk if anyone wants to. Much love. - J",1.6501389786683869,3.5657574010989035,3.497382029734972,89.0564414996768,79.38461538461539,6.040594699418229,21.694893341952167,7.048011613610866,0.6395290239172589,685,20,142,8,17,230,122,182,0.154,0.747,0.1,-0.85,6,2,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,6,8,5,0,0,6,0,10,6,1,5,0,25,30,14,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,9,0,1,4,0,8,1,2,3,0,0,8,2,16,2,26,21,6,19,0,3,1,2,3,9,0,5,8,84,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719265951342428,0.15224083416410922,0.0,0.11755057092204844,0.12231028632803985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055624096772138,0.0,0.12096304565941213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234266444526504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660520223561478,0.0,0.0,0.15357681972698042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042528584083364,0.0,0.0,0.17046567965591805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518834786604686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353973814061044,0.0,0.1175640521321773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647721035908962,0.13167721624937945,0.0,0.15085763862688184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852657924975908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586827058926818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078372983881736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765157468264447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266728481833812,0.1390887116565063,0.09811923763300504,0.14902823867163947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611412832234614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190671714145803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563455774008779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29027650322867704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713471054239745,0.1338172730068742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040426869046911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215738488176456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814772896868135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444202716914741,0.11669634231229717,0.08571303512387568,0.0,0.13933255814190634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340103459830378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140258954970791,0.14927893553186694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465893188229584
suicidewatch,cold_nomad,2018/02/20,"Death is so appealing to me. The comforting feeling. 

I am tired, drained. I feel empty, weak, nothing left inside. I have been struggling with social phobia and depression since i was 11, and 17 years later, nothing has changed. 
I started therapy one and a half years ago. The worst thing that could happen, happened to me, transference. I have developed very significant feelings for my therapist. I got so attached that it hurts so much, knowing that she does not feel the same for me. We discussed this issue, many times, even though she tried to help me, it made things only worse.  

I experienced so much pain in my life, so much suffering, and this is the final blow. My scars are open again, i am more vulnerable than ever. Therapy was my last chance, and life failed me again. I am so depressed, so sad, it is so dark right now that i can't see the light of life. Death is so appealing to me. 
I cant seem to find joy, and tried so hard. Life is not for me, not for someone who is weak. There is no place for people like us.
The only thing that keeps me going, ironically, is the comforting feeling that one day i will take matters in my own hands, i will end it all, i will be at peace at last. Every night i am dreaming about the day that i will sleep forever, every morning when i wake up i get depressed that i am still alive. I have no idea why i am writing this, it's just, i don't have anybody else. It is sad to die without knowing the feeling of being loved, isn't it?
I have never been so close. I wish to die. That will be the moment when i will be truly happy, i will be at peace. Watching the sun set as i set in to darkness.    ",2.466937850668966,4.149914501510576,3.6723208890807086,89.78912009063446,76.190332326284,6.662106171773846,24.51025032369443,7.447530270364453,1.0053797151488997,1264,42,271,16,28,411,170,331,0.223,0.655,0.123,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,2,0,0,1,23,19,0,1,12,0,43,12,3,1,3,36,64,21,4,2,5,0,8,1,0,7,8,0,0,0,23,10,0,1,11,1,0,1,11,13,0,3,6,12,45,6,27,45,8,37,0,8,2,1,10,12,0,1,23,195,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527877059635168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177075265124406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681082191118277,0.0,0.0,0.12408684846922607,0.0,0.2485803033734307,0.0,0.19968849262176847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418850138281332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036584218596891,0.0,0.08520791857850712,0.0,0.0,0.06354163291415102,0.08702174946200349,0.162111523734821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918608712921837,0.0,0.0,0.10538644495110804,0.08792843391764509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026245972749156,0.0,0.0546747766127423,0.0,0.07694288288522777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701452186991855,0.10241062172074694,0.08617961396173912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448330855228686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298804471959423,0.10860226116314127,0.0,0.10041166257806224,0.0,0.08551026398528483,0.0,0.0,0.105742069132351,0.1568377023455094,0.0,0.0,0.10452559558804543,0.0,0.27180605809293723,0.047000265707894236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682759035050876,0.09103026186620078,0.0,0.09753544647994744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121623544413134,0.0,0.07419821998620225,0.0,0.0,0.0902806502933549,0.0,0.1846200790466664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038022636067867,0.1463344895793253,0.10236751383784756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666955286078231,0.0,0.10051238486449357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821574294750531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666188900094888,0.08758023033616054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958069025142675,0.0,0.09627317168119183,0.09806755134982847,0.08151307817701305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809347014146515,0.0,0.07682839471788333,0.0,0.0,0.10057298957751068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233320558419999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003461784558093,0.11169990424094617,0.19174037962838889,0.0,0.09451964141654896,0.0,0.05609714792629816,0.11057199471964564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063198721025476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157211992633459,0.0,0.0,0.0793781232478743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680887078003685,0.0,0.11062950090498012,0.0927369284838548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803978363105298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390405022228375
suicidewatch,AvvictionMachismo,2018/02/20,"Fuck money I'm in debt for 100 dollars for schooling. Fuck, I got no money or anything. Im starving and shit. Fuck life. Can't find a good job or shit. Im about to buy a rope tomorrow, fuck this shit.",-1.909188311688311,-0.0620257500000001,0.8068831168831174,100.47318181818184,101.95454545454544,3.4233766233766234,17.649350649350648,5.288315135182226,-0.6601649350649357,153,5,37,1,7,52,31,44,0.5720000000000001,0.428,0.0,-0.9869,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,0,1,8,3,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,6,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,7,2,1,14,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284370643585384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586513703806399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418973421465671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559286646516972,0.13882987865121985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749980340350831,0.0,0.17225396656286854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260653827461923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567487903326967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534540196340247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShittyBuzzfeed2,2018/02/20,"I want to kill myself but im too scared I know what comes after death. What comes after death is Oblivion, my greatest fear. I am a coward.",-1.4726436781609171,-0.02493406896551776,0.5363793103448273,99.8257183908046,113.82758620689656,1.933333333333333,11.729885057471266,3.1291,-1.7658321839080462,108,2,23,0,6,35,22,29,0.528,0.329,0.14300000000000002,-0.9672,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988152603443435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39112182996330347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754438343148613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38454350744475796,0.0,0.1910197532228776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479861667866659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050104823313302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,User6677,2018/02/20,"Hopefully my last message. I'm not to sure what the hell this sub-reddit is about but I'm guessing it's about helping people through suicide.

I just turned 14, Had a death wish since I was 5, Life is purposeless and I have no future ahead of me and my life has been crashing down on me ever since I was fucking born, I'v been struggling through this since I was fucking 5 and no one's noticed me/given ONE single fuck, 21/02/2018 5 am australian east coast time (6 hours away from this original post time) I will be ending it, I will be gone from this shitty fucking life once and for all and I know hell isn't as bad as this shit hole.

My last words? Fuck everyone, Fuck my 'dad' Fuck my 'brother' fuck my 'friends' and fuck you to all those 9 kids who I'v beat up during grade 7, You deserved a nice beating.

Though it seems like something an attention whore would do what I'm doing right now doesn't it? Well the reason I'm here? To genuinely ask if there is a future after this, I don't want no fake comments about how it's worth it when it's not I want someone to explain to me who has the knowledge on why it's 'really worth it', Till then peace.

",2.992035480859009,4.196233226890758,3.6473389355742327,92.4631839402428,73.87394957983193,6.465359477124183,25.40709617180205,6.691623216298621,0.7510916900093371,900,29,199,7,18,284,138,238,0.298,0.585,0.117,-0.9959,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,0,3,12,22,12,1,7,0,23,14,1,3,4,30,47,15,2,6,5,2,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,20,6,0,0,6,0,2,1,8,16,1,2,7,0,21,6,24,35,3,26,2,0,0,10,13,7,12,4,18,123,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723610456852636,0.0,0.08767168629603737,0.0,0.07791339143842307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264861213113305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440796276030538,0.0,0.08916563937209035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720942566849284,0.7764065924209093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027960221503679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254648683337789,0.0,0.0,0.09268197499819307,0.09189561028923783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128299930018225,0.15212692253184254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773156513778944,0.04558856495212845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062387426998482,0.0,0.09937649104516046,0.12646412373193608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469226061084989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936913137542128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059779413927726,0.0959424555386392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968974756868832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494966909371775,0.0,0.0,0.09578560195603307,0.2315712099806081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906475001686059,0.07183776754342247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755217760426367,0.0,0.10207050043849313,0.0,0.08794745261215653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916806479084752,0.0,0.10882442613245306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149896539647278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007816987032387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390059934810476,0.0,0.08420147810594034,0.0,0.10730663139168456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662876726603406,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nofapthrowawaynfj,2018/02/20,"Haven't studied for an exam I did study but i forgot everything and its the third time that has happened this month and i cant take it anymore i want this to end. Feeling utterly defeated and humiliated, i dont want to live anymore",3.084574468085105,4.950327191489362,5.06058510638298,79.70875000000002,74.95744680851064,8.104255319148937,30.89893617021277,8.841846274778883,2.7153446808510635,186,9,36,4,4,64,36,47,0.173,0.728,0.099,-0.7532,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,11,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,5,0,3,9,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,25,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810819909384211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433509516193632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25947863794292925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632966355369769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813110998589551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25906658874602906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25869207115951465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233840610390284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202720354651214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082932876699186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34559483636438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LunaExRenatus,2018/02/20,"I feel lost My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we had already planned our future and everything... She was perfect and I knew she was the one even after dumping me our of nowhere I still love her so much and I don't think I can stop. But now she's moving on, she's flirting with other guys and planning on going on flings while I'm still here trying to pull myself back together. I had a suicide attempt before I met her and she promised me that she wouldn't hurt me the way other people did. 
Seeing her is breaking me in every way and everyday I feel like I'm living as if I'm already dead and nothing I do is meaningful. She blocked me on everything and I feel like I'm at my limit. 
I wish that I had the courage to kill myself and that's just the beginning. I want to be happy for her and support her and I really want to but I just end up crying and praying to whoever is listening to take me back to when I was happy. I would kill myself in a heartbeat if I knew that it wouldn't tear my family apart and leave them scarred forever. I've talked to friends, family and gotten help but as soon as I feel like things are going to be okay I wake up the next morning feeling worse than the day before. I'm scared that I'll upset people but I want to do it. I just want to end it. I just wish I had the courage. I wish I had all the answers and could see the potential future but I feel like I've already died and I just need to catch up. 
I'm sorry if this seems like something to minute and silly to have these feelings about, but I didn't have anyone else to listen.",2.357609890109892,3.5391559880952386,3.883928571428573,90.23414835164837,75.42857142857143,6.716849816849817,24.232600732600734,7.1686216300943375,0.8346372710622711,1236,38,274,13,26,411,156,336,0.135,0.6759999999999999,0.189,0.913,0,0,1,0,0,3,21.0,3,0,1,6,16,25,3,2,11,1,26,2,1,0,2,64,64,32,5,15,14,0,7,5,2,3,0,2,0,1,13,20,0,3,13,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,15,11,58,17,36,43,2,40,1,3,2,1,25,12,0,4,25,189,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031211532147592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29994060509199844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633501643684852,0.0928311947065149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933279806243673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541891629839766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233734192143912,0.0,0.09952069063632467,0.058430000892656736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402929436987724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568531699521469,0.0,0.16049077948299498,0.0,0.0,0.05984095355303477,0.0,0.07633505559523228,0.0,0.16285225869681633,0.0,0.1708206838014803,0.0,0.32067329794567817,0.25890083035910433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999792950699038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298101001672624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970900569962569,0.0,0.19289240696752127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072778578474409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969899972339332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004726549064887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593313282058526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213147969463046,0.0,0.0800021390500602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890144206941992,0.0,0.08177073145581037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629427937394154,0.0666019899896617,0.06717932233290626,0.0,0.0,0.09635494584346146,0.0,0.0,0.08693388152391003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061393425948186274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562233126769398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058041172688266814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907071753597046,0.0,0.1443941657965175,0.08247953751505023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974889845136964,0.0,0.1014201434788032,0.0,0.0,0.14470778256764616,0.07574629985046333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991025363596058,0.10281267917346222,0.0,0.0,0.06812050300240635,0.07282146635352338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019112522696057,0.05805331457809663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061511975067991775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375472413885796,0.14382934687879675,0.07267447206485916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31255923974418304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923299240128413,0.06436018694719388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zombiesarebinary,2018/02/20,"What happens now? Sunday was the day. I have tried and tried to end my suffering. I failed. I have friends or loved ones call for help.

I tried again middle of December. I was going to OD. Not pills, a substance that would go in a needle and directly injected. I missed the vein so I fell out for about 12 hours, only to wake in heartbreaking misery. I knew what I did wrong so I could get it next time.

That next time was this past Sunday. I purchased enough that I was sure to get it this time, and I made sure I hit the mark.  Only my supplier gave me stuff that was cut so bad. I woke 5 hours later. All the markings of an OD, just not enough to get the job done. I woke instantly the out of control sobs started, I failed again. I spent the day crying in disbelief. 

I spoke to several friends. Only one knows what I did. I am trying to figure out what to do now. I don't know if I should go to the hospital, or check myself in somewhere for a few days to get my head straight.  I think I may be done trying. There is always some sort of intervention, or reason I don't succeed. But I am so tired of the pain. Physical, emotional, abuse. I can't do that again. I think it's really hard on my already broken body. 

What do I do now? I feel so lost, I am confused, I am scared, I am resentful, I am angry. I am alone. 

I didn't know where else to post this. Maybe someone here has tried and failed too. I just want to pain to end. Once and for all.",-0.14952119883040993,1.9905574177631564,1.8710964912280688,96.68823099415205,88.30921052631578,5.351461988304093,17.654970760233926,6.816661863887847,-0.0996678362573098,1101,28,259,15,36,365,152,304,0.24,0.691,0.069,-0.9951,1,1,0,0,1,0,47.0,0,0,0,6,18,22,2,2,13,0,33,9,4,3,4,40,60,15,2,5,9,0,2,0,2,3,4,1,0,0,17,8,0,1,9,0,3,4,6,16,0,2,18,3,44,6,31,36,6,39,0,8,0,1,7,11,1,8,23,175,61,5,0.0,0.11518114855366343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068303535566996,0.1072766275051574,0.0,0.0808887507109529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116854067553858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798139034556976,0.0,0.0,0.0992650317601991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903230485166053,0.07761642757544518,0.0,0.10678358192123773,0.18808244035743232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896467929719103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120873353991248,0.10935119865353607,0.1722031889946558,0.20089340334840625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915366006834787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021257573746213,0.0,0.20315848564742986,0.0,0.16574464640178765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596486612097405,0.0,0.08708348119586147,0.0,0.09976827207324901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515962104742161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146984732555264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646860072494304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027666635267346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611914139484184,0.0,0.08773825367711016,0.09198500356475336,0.0,0.0,0.09766321951779992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067736103357828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035283486788835,0.13174767753813688,0.2218039078924994,0.2068823253332983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280051828366152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310289080300684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227694240196576,0.09995084235363766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732686769892376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982267611144028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236800194760878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880764665826741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128527911316176,0.0,0.0,0.1832436312389666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245799407824226,0.0,0.0,0.17005651459810728,0.11173169361413138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39600623670185214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733856686029187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905711014864456,0.10628682249252573,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeahisupposeso,2018/02/20,"wearing thin everything seems to be becoming more and more difficult no matter what i try and do to stop it. my life is a cycle with the same repeated steps over and over again and it’s futile. i am trapped in my relationship i am trapped in my family i am trapped in my life and it’s been so many damn years with this depression and OCD and everyone is telling me i will grow out of it but i can’t see it

i have started creating plans for how i’m going to do it. it won’t influence anyone as much as they pretend to care - my parents will be relieved they don’t have to deal with me anymore and i have no friends. the only people i will be inconveniencing with my death is the people who have to do the paperwork following, although i plan to leave a sheet with all the information that could help on it.

there is nothing more really i can do except let the waves wash over me",4.1134432234432206,4.669356626373627,5.431593406593407,83.13423992673992,70.64835164835166,9.363369963369964,29.452380952380953,9.516144504307137,2.413449084249084,694,26,150,15,12,233,102,182,0.155,0.7440000000000001,0.1,-0.6888,1,3,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,2,4,6,1,0,8,0,28,4,1,2,1,25,35,14,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,12,14,0,1,2,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,2,22,3,25,25,6,18,0,1,1,0,10,9,1,1,5,117,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300000224556435,0.1360752556003962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493053709505647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841701744785897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553795856654453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006335076060886,0.1676165917844931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595740042652648,0.17490217230040167,0.0,0.18346020441964564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035456094097566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060087530715322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304424235529849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606301024219487,0.0,0.1990010601071572,0.27491642217208123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730315188232675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306013096702805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867327459466777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800904217436633,0.0,0.0,0.2160904513303656,0.0,0.0,0.2698349879084592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467161668220775,0.0,0.0,0.2089374166692161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550783112706621,0.17716487811902576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774537121002806,0.0,0.0,0.16270197900328687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009699113613244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212685102402244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532192409079068
suicidewatch,WankstaWilb,2018/02/20,"Don’t know where else to put this but I hope it can help someone. Sorry it’s long I put this on my FaceBook and want to share it here as well. A little backstory. About 40 years ago My grandmother lost her father to cancer and then within a month her only brother took his own life. Today there’s still a rift in the family. My grandmother is in and out of the psych ward at least once a year and even tried to take her own life about a year ago. 5 years ago a childhood friend took his own life. In the last month I’ve had 2 people that I have been very close to at one point take their own life.... with all that being said I posted these to Facebook in two separate posts. Mods please message me to correct anything that I need to or anyone else please coach me on how I can try to reach out and help anyone in a constructive way.

While I was camping I found out that a friend of mine took her own life over the weekend. This is the nicest woman that you might possibly ever meet. Always friendly and smiling. Attends church every Sunday and I’ve never heard her say a single negative thing about anyone. I don’t know all the details but Please pray for her husband and family during these times. And Please if you are ever in pain, If you are ever lost, if you are ever at a point in your life that you don’t know where to turn and you feel that the only way out is suicide please reach out to someone! Anyone! There is someone that loves you, there are hotlines there for you, there are Church’s that will listen! Someone somewhere needs you whether you know it or not. Your single choice to take your own life will still be felt 40 years later and you will be extremely missed! I know from personal experience. Get help! Talk! Reach out! I can not say it enough!


I just want to share this again and say it again! If you feel lost or broken it’s not over. All you have to do is ask and someone will tell you and show you how much you mean to this world. However insignificant you think you might be I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong! You matter! You are important in someone’s life! Don’t be scared to reach out and ask for help. To everyone else tell someone or multiple someone’s that you love them! That they matter! That they’re important!

Edit- I’m ok for the record. I’m sad by these losses but I’m ok. I just want to help. I’ve witnessed depression and anxiety in my family my entire life and I want to stop the cycle and help others somehow.",1.7431137724550894,3.920769117764472,2.6615125748503026,93.82757425149704,80.37724550898204,5.684646706586826,19.20163672654691,6.8313827282637405,0.08707054690618721,1932,46,416,21,50,609,204,501,0.118,0.696,0.18600000000000005,0.9814,1,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,25,3,4,27,21,0,1,19,2,35,13,0,2,9,79,76,35,1,11,17,3,3,0,3,6,11,6,0,2,30,27,0,1,11,3,0,6,9,10,1,2,13,9,58,11,57,52,14,71,3,7,0,2,68,31,0,12,30,276,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991946067836018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690862643191373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312682212520273,0.0,0.0,0.15767521397391798,0.057762985442567125,0.046391930648297934,0.0,0.10540627777477007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048555819091773686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412825681377507,0.0,0.0,0.05825058198747856,0.0,0.03723524338861815,0.20397813985667496,0.04749848064591918,0.05386885509219785,0.0,0.055145697212039935,0.1594363732403057,0.0,0.05700992184059515,0.0,0.054128968086976405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812423065040714,0.13066586278152356,0.0,0.02945367998005865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672237822642144,0.0,0.0,0.055993226942520166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491149266964752,0.04595325734890044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583748102263403,0.0,0.056502693133096964,0.0,0.04989021831946335,0.0,0.0,0.18462035019260195,0.0,0.10176151638773548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140904632605771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961021357758987,0.0,0.0,0.08999618596509877,0.0,0.04144220905894296,0.08360289297633819,0.04347997766946254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003767632219184,0.03820124884233046,0.08575165738968457,0.059987115817275616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039083418646167135,0.04922459128664382,0.0,0.3094148322416841,0.10658544469995372,0.06355449147498314,0.10798358698889234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334515833646655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362566086777807,0.13449530450117228,0.05644134244317003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821317351887688,0.0,0.0,0.06310734543350696,0.0,0.0,0.09004250741690062,0.04713213515589471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061665244998291985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716125120575014,0.045312196123118056,0.14782305215249888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03745313309010614,0.03612290863506497,0.0,0.0,0.032872793169560564,0.0,0.053437033923312935,0.0,0.18790453985016745,0.07655002893432766,0.0613199557301892,0.05507031291248344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651538846758355,0.13300605532168466,0.08949591240573376,0.0,0.0,0.0506880145789241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163735756969613,0.0,0.18151868528054588
suicidewatch,eggwisepanda,2018/02/20,"my friend doesnt care about life hello everyone hope you're having a good day , i just have a question , i just got to know this person that doesnt care about life anymore she went through a recent break up , i am just a person that cares about people normally it's in my blood , i dont know what should i do or say to make her happy or feel less shitty about other things , if you have an advice or you've been through something like this please help , thank you :D ",6.0778125,5.013875322916672,5.787583333333334,87.76575000000004,66.60416666666666,8.513333333333334,26.49166666666667,6.742157984588678,0.9250316666666658,365,7,81,2,5,113,65,96,0.08,0.638,0.282,0.9661,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,10,3,1,1,0,15,21,4,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,11,9,10,17,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,6,3,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771533245771994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021133165757724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249661819229487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068747005791203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011496608478492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400029217568488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678153473624438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260129399372575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395551549734856,0.13726858487570062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827038524254017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504030237961076,0.0,0.0,0.17046780672646514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886472620642223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245538739895064,0.08384999002608484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456468754430428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816144361356913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898697431429865,0.2997222547025136,0.0,0.1883987428516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922654328756941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946440726655349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364874576518498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321295394653774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801429968307007,0.0,0.0,0.11402367396076045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910318752293767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,what_to_do432,2018/02/20,"Attempted hanging I waited for everyone to leave the house so i was alone. but halfway through i stopped and i dont know why. its been an hour since, and now my face has very noticeable little bruises all over, my parents will be home soon and i dont know what to do.",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,78.0909090909091,6.581818181818183,27.363636363636363,7.554174236665415,1.4071090909090909,210,9,46,3,5,67,43,55,0.102,0.898,0.0,-0.4748,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,1,9,11,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,5,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343673768426664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304185388286711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622903806211427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269865286451524,0.0,0.2228492898710989,0.26110736676811025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872526425441424,0.0,0.0,0.23960760035714865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268012372488296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576317660108323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512673887589356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718877334961345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918791255410847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186712297601586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419081545838774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,druggthrowmeawaypls,2018/02/20,"really coming close so tonight i find out my best friend has been fucking shit talking me behind my back for months. almost a year tbh. honestly ive wanted to die befofe but never so fucking strongly. i always worry about the impact itll have on people i care aboy, namely my friends. turns out they probably wouldnt even fucking care. im not even sad anymore im just numb. i fucking hate myself im such a fat, fake, desperate person i wish i could just fucking kill myself and get it over with. i have $7k in debt, cant get art commissions to pay it off and am so fucking stressed this feels like it is the only alternative",2.2195406824147,4.321076984251967,3.775295275590552,86.84567257217847,78.37007874015748,6.1230971128608935,23.969160104986877,7.1686216300943375,1.0472892388451442,495,17,97,6,12,164,91,127,0.249,0.545,0.206,-0.8420000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,2,10,21,9,1,4,0,11,9,2,0,1,20,27,6,2,4,4,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,2,1,2,1,4,13,0,0,1,1,15,8,12,23,1,13,0,1,0,6,6,7,7,1,6,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683560104206768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708497600358007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157126672305108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089717748449334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244577370469667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379208502143137,0.0,0.0,0.10050728229002973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315744083590306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109276059129602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412869597102702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058995618875067025,0.08335438566687316,0.0,0.0,0.10664106536899444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180289399733958,0.6471984729139385,0.12191829228816163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151948151137438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780949678988056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290862989474364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057002703043819825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313081856614587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998883381936096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873844997389219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088944507698326,0.10187823919309087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257980133052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474655505901505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976771433596885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365361205357915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378090572887746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691154875845587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881937647427824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341732965333722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849160286552934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075136445234618
suicidewatch,mindset95,2018/02/20,"Living life really hurts I just want to tell about my life, my feelings about it, and maybe have someones help or opinion about it

Well, here it goes. It all started while i was doing poorly in my studies in high school and that really lowered my confidence and ability to keep trying. Then i had my first car accident. I was devastated as i never wanted it to happen and people criticized me for that. I feared of going out in public because of the terror i felt around people. Even till this day, I'm still scared of going out. During my last year of high school, my grade dropped dramatically and barely had enough good grades to get into a college. I would fail test and assignments; it was hard and sometimes i would hide from others to avoid comparing works and grade. Now on to college, i got into the program i was interested in. I struggled to pass my courses. I studied so hard for them and it just lead me either fail a course or just barely pass it. I'm even taking one of my failed courses for the third time. In my second year, i got into my second car accident and it felt like it was end for me. I almost committed suicide that day, which would be my 3 attempt. I do also work, but I'm working in retail which isn't really me forte and terrifies me, but i need the money to support myself and pay for school. My parents tell me that I'm failure and that i cause so much problem. However they still insist they care for me, but inside i know they don't and pretending they do. I don't have any friends and I'm too scared to make any. My room is the only place i feel safe and protected from the outside

Because of what has happened, I've become depressed and unhappy with my life. Ive realized that things always get worse and that maybe death is my only way to make things better. Like i said, i attempted suicide 3 times, but each failed attempt is so painful that each day of life hurts me. Am i really that terrible of a person with a shitty life, or maybe I'm just a hopeless person who can't do things right at all. I do look for answer out of this, but maybe suicide is the best choice for me and want to give up. 

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suicidewatch,nazuuka,2018/02/20,"No suicide prevention chat available when you truly need it, just makes me feel more hopeless. I guess it's another cry for help, whether answered or not. I keep pondering with the sleeping pills if maybe it's time to take all of it.",5.5379999999999985,6.5300948000000005,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,67.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,35.0,8.841846274778883,2.9010000000000002,186,9,36,3,3,57,40,45,0.244,0.652,0.104,-0.8173,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,15,6,4,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,6,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295784610372539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34525165530831725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892314340585229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462447708145624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106734632902472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27937064435885506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980246919101755,0.0,0.3157637868537717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23305477574189234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314534147756504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438010177043339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631986747318395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327503193722866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpecialCommunication,2018/02/20,"It really does feel like I'm coming to an end This post was originally meant for /r/depression but to be quite honest I've thought about killing myself years ago, after multiple failed college attempts and string of part time hotel gigs interrupted by depression.  My parents were gracious enough to keep my incompetence under their roof for so long, but they're growing old and tired of my failure to launch.

I turn 29 in a couple weeks.  I have a back full of withered discs, and years out from achieving any level of skill that would give me financial autonomy without physical labor.  This pathetic bed of failure would be perfectly fine to lay in if I could keep my one reason to continue - the love of my life.

I met her in 2015.  I met her by complete chance online, and we planned to slowly pull ourselves together and visit each other every year in the mean time.  It's almost been three years since I met his beautiful, caring woman.  Now she's developed a rare form of a cancer that's progressed heavily.  


If my baby dies, the one person in this piece of shit world that doesn't deserve to win this lottery, I'm just going to kill myself.  I just needed a place for someone to read this - the only other people I have in my life would think less of me for speaking these words.",8.36841463414634,7.159685882113823,8.138333333333335,73.2275,62.130081300812996,10.964227642276423,35.134146341463406,9.928628108626363,3.32869756097561,1021,36,185,17,12,328,161,246,0.206,0.6629999999999999,0.131,-0.9811,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,1,9,6,12,3,0,10,0,12,6,1,3,1,34,31,10,3,7,7,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,1,2,13,9,0,2,6,2,0,5,2,5,0,3,8,2,25,7,37,17,7,34,0,2,0,1,16,12,1,3,17,121,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126281216102124,0.0,0.1256866531280843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535553039131426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651444789267637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797244635245356,0.0,0.0,0.10812135867290143,0.13160167183051633,0.0,0.0,0.1002147192141065,0.1388816300526938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162143708823661,0.0,0.13026632003442493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984034302992836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111703718655346,0.12969210666748018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575307247227116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346491839381553,0.08966901924221436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040687279992585,0.07133392469977276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312968100037572,0.2777308411937365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731204480518095,0.06132102630474887,0.0,0.0,0.11107816085584472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328355003251013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672427492963574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306890114787088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170846224174834,0.0,0.17010647003511362,0.09546096122684923,0.0,0.0,0.1393712295741954,0.13592214795444205,0.0,0.0870173434675395,0.1095961744241942,0.13113803727270032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021011983288815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350225765233914,0.1255504757364538,0.0,0.0804090898187707,0.12905187618879882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288408929592305,0.10382855345088324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634973091724707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042591095219502,0.0,0.09964608796394638,0.14637937176734478,0.14426276308546696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365259190219655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068177263028184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209934357887029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674899806445135,0.0,0.0,0.3233140667827939
suicidewatch,Picharzaya,2018/02/20,"Please help me I feel that today was a negative tipping point. so many things went wrong today, I actually thought it.

I was never born with a good hand in life (I have ADHD and I'm on the autistic spectrum), and I've tried over my life to avoid situations where I fall into the black hole of despair, and never escape. 

Unfortunately, even when you try to plan; things still go wrong. One of the few things that I enjoy (ed) was playing NBA 2K17, and adjusting it so I can win, and not throw my shaky self-confidence in the dumpster. It failed me today, I lost for the first time and don't want to play the game anymore. I also tried to record something for this project I'm working on, and the sound was screwed up; and when everything goes wrong, it hits me in the worst way. 

I don't have a job, or have the ability to drive. I'm currently living with my father, even though i'm in my 20s. I ""left"" college, because it didn't work out. I have no career prospects, no sense of time management, and no real future. The only two things I know how to do well are analyzing football statistics and wasting my parents money. Everything else in life, I find new and exciting ways to fail miserably.

Sorry if I'm yammering, or wasting anybody's time.
I just hope someone out there is listening.",3.5745669291338587,5.157402716535434,4.600795275590553,84.69725590551181,73.01574803149607,7.757165354330707,27.660629921259844,8.395991825355821,1.88336125984252,1006,38,202,17,20,328,151,254,0.209,0.672,0.119,-0.9698,3,1,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,8,14,20,1,3,13,0,15,5,1,1,2,34,30,21,0,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,12,16,0,1,5,3,1,5,10,12,1,3,8,5,24,8,26,21,2,38,0,5,1,1,6,15,1,5,16,130,36,9,0.0,0.0,0.10832838252951736,0.0,0.13341076756139322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877353904492674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009070444631104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766981353509817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273344279602128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664026956564313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995347474995568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612928468984132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145985128827867,0.0944238602926502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308874680452467,0.093108748728419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440672607019218,0.0,0.0,0.11025658953005847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015890874030204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610074246240513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061117105889516,0.0,0.2352259758702629,0.0,0.0,0.09802262948343292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117900254244088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125452991060888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123335490555924,0.10721279970919527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522230175210684,0.0844270441855616,0.0,0.0,0.12326191572170295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185410991941592,0.1049390101969413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635209213947365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580618213448185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477831991139635,0.0,0.0,0.09405722837774698,0.08545984533611102,0.0,0.12426504171542962,0.0,0.0,0.08865161308450589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949967306559826,0.0,0.10906538800550633,0.08812843033770204,0.19419002588956435,0.0,0.31566952487135996,0.0,0.0,0.2261026622217316,0.0,0.10843927413429194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547574969053567,0.17622692274668414,0.0,0.0,0.09981006494337467,0.1029060863544098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163116896416233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641114401348461,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vladdraculatepes,2018/02/20,Thinking about slitting my throat Right across the jugular. I still have no job and am living at home at 25. I quit my job of several years because it paid hardly nothing. $200 a week. I wanted to die on Christmas Eve. Wish I had gone through with it.,0.3140336134453783,2.735271215686274,1.5965266106442575,96.59294117647059,91.74509803921568,3.698599439775911,22.97198879551821,5.288315135182226,0.1282694677871148,196,8,41,1,7,62,44,51,0.12,0.8270000000000001,0.053,-0.5267,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,8,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,6,0,9,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,25,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330891341130146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610119264930213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528996808228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25226981902901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4991396228036296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207454152403264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24131607118962856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749570765333835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477520974246148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28411757150830097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084409523450888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611477314477074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483381660958765,0.0,0.20173398181523464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28920664159515536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195442423446318
suicidewatch,ChiiLovesTheInternet,2018/02/20,"I'm probably gonna do it in a little bit. A few minutes? An hour? Someone to talk to would be nice. Maybe a few people. I'm quite lonely. Posted a little bit ago, decided not to do it. Now I'm thinking I'm gonna do it.

I just want to die. More accurately, I don't wanna live anymore. I'd like a reason not to do it, but I don't think I'll get one.

I think I'll start writing my notes to the few people left who love me.",-2.0631972789115665,-0.34421973469387623,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,93.28571428571428,4.491156462585034,16.329931972789115,5.985473137389443,-0.5945333333333336,318,8,82,3,12,118,57,98,0.05,0.825,0.126,0.7659,0,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,7,0,8,1,0,1,0,13,21,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,8,17,6,9,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619487448822301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811850762314925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989128473009994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189609327863032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545098048011884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991849664915902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984994494547242,0.0,0.0,0.08925590727090556,0.36621824254034296,0.161323680184356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489003277229353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835424206891752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379935750080034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533164367112937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497201132130746,0.0,0.19697690128499445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943194014766665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784164239194698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479750247266247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931298079193546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468439105261999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35119214807913146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775867734391036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978180757363955,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jenysis,2018/02/20,"I'm in constant pain My fiance leaves for two 36 hour shifts a week and I'm completely worthless without him. 

I take care of our dogs and just mostly stay in bed all day unless I have to run errands. I feel like a prisoner but I don't blame him for that.

The pain is fairly new. I'm sure it's my kidneys. I have Medicaid but I don't want to sit in the er forever and I'm afraid.

I've spent a considerable amount of time in the hospital before. 

I'm wondering if this should be a sign to just stop. I love my fiance,  but I wonder if I'm just causing more pain",-0.34153310104529666,1.6739367804878071,2.3226074332171898,94.0589634146342,87.69918699186992,5.790708478513357,19.3548199767712,7.1686216300943375,0.3277112659698025,436,13,103,7,14,151,76,123,0.173,0.721,0.106,-0.7422,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,7,0,7,5,1,1,2,25,21,9,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,1,1,3,5,1,1,1,1,14,4,13,18,4,14,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,5,8,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103203388132472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096422202604232,0.18233246992426771,0.0,0.0,0.18609626399221613,0.19180505361036004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144672129184934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974494049642659,0.1267998289437594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747931896749715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879376719621464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671328973828435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019283903912332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142221540012706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566589810941314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918212289976385,0.0,0.148390684585129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728346128267207,0.0,0.1334513777539799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349661152676128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338322158270913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468897461291804,0.0,0.14237282458492684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710952912274364,0.3849635137493415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JolyneKat,2018/02/20,"WeLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP Yo! My names Josh. I am suicidal as fuck. I dunno. Maybe I just need to say it or something? I think about it daily. Hourly. Like jesus I need help haha. I won't get it though. I dunno maybe I'm lazy or something. I just fucking hate myself. I enjoy life, i love my friends, family, everything. I just fucking hate me. I don't think I'm a bad person. I just don't like me. I hate this world. I enjoy everything that's in it. But it's not interesting, i'm not interesting. Blah blah blah whiney stuff whiney stuff about depression. I hate it here. I love living where I am i just hate it HERE. This planet. Universe. These people. I love everyone around me and I love to make friends. But I fucking hate people. No one wants the same thing anymore. All we want is this and that but we never work towards it. I don't work towards it. I guess you could say that's why I hate me. I've bunched myself in with...well everyone. I sit everyday and it's hard for me to wake up, leave the bed, do anything with my life. I get a job, love it, but then never fucking go to it the next day because I fucking hate me and I can't help anyone if I tried. I wasn't always like this and I don't know when it started. I don't have that bad of a background...I just...fucking suck. I wanna just sit in the car in the garage and let it ride y'know? Fall asleep to some tunes. But I promised my best friends I wouldn't kill myself. I can't because I promised them. It's literally the only thing stopping me. Even then the promise was if it was time then all three of us would kill ourselves. I literally had to jolt myself awake because I sat in the car too long. I wanted to. I don't know why but I just wanted to die that day. It's hard. I don't know why it is but it is. I don't know what I'm fucking talking about anymore. Why am I telling you this? What's the fucking point?? I'm not going to fucking read these anyways. Pointless.

Joshua Swarb",-1.033039307880383,1.0325544303178518,1.375980440097802,96.40478690991164,100.05134474327627,3.788316719954862,17.783750235094978,5.6839178017228535,-0.4517770095918747,1498,47,342,13,65,503,162,409,0.151,0.669,0.179,0.9423,1,0,2,0,0,1,69.0,3,2,1,3,19,43,20,0,12,1,27,18,2,1,4,59,75,23,4,12,21,0,2,6,3,3,2,2,1,1,37,10,0,1,6,1,0,6,19,23,0,2,5,4,67,20,27,65,6,35,1,1,0,14,22,12,10,8,18,219,104,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901280002895075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683376879191712,0.04118700716616987,0.0,0.0484729268959158,0.052436998440434215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836466548946804,0.10772189244107508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061816055048076114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047030006153893016,0.0,0.0,0.07597634163937084,0.0,0.05073388057613014,0.0,0.06113299404426839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890549941564761,0.0,0.0,0.11257048535644806,0.10587813327457522,0.0,0.055529396000759235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652712283990567,0.5445574697847418,0.061549759043772974,0.0,0.06695293753094543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488933510525119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055327276577584,0.4652435975126514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896414392086891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800851945454956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845307530215196,0.0,0.13033697318017048,0.0,0.1618603355061818,0.0,0.0,0.06237077154167848,0.0,0.060233273511374676,0.08321119515917573,0.08633247492258879,0.0,0.05201326164203191,0.05212813676055433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26581554570747395,0.0,0.03931883995595783,0.0,0.11835385776977485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735305607889796,0.0908607057113384,0.0,0.06264501259802258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03991483683886975,0.04479910365625515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081673156016741,0.051432651790411364,0.0,0.0,0.055683266431369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058919884152890636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368556085544802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069426761513254,0.0,0.0,0.04169251467581028,0.0,0.0,0.049246334652035616,0.0,0.0,0.13486184626166572,0.06443135413961508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734475887241147,0.05148464327299356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826632592909033,0.07548653763990706,0.05787282581905143,0.0,0.03434736338637657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03999191135786502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085419187134999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389722890646435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260658982237787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576554541685016,0.0,0.0,0.04184367171632472,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bambicake_,2018/02/20,"24 and still wanting to die When I was younger, I always thought I would grow out of this. I’ve become more depressed, better at hiding it. 

I don’t indulge in the juvenile things like cutting anymore, just self hatred and loneliness. I thought I was so alone then. . . Now I’ve found myself in a marriage where my husband “shush” ed me for talking. It’s pure torture being alive. How did I get myself into this? I want to find meaning so bad. 

Every day I want to help others but I don’t have the energy. Trapped in a constant state of despair. 

New to this group. How do you find light? ",1.3061538461538476,3.6772973931623945,2.6447863247863275,92.13076923076927,83.61538461538461,4.625641025641026,24.384615384615394,5.873414542411696,0.5780051282051284,453,18,91,3,13,146,83,117,0.222,0.675,0.103,-0.9382,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,9,7,2,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,1,19,17,9,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,1,15,2,13,9,1,16,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,8,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251715872371465,0.0,0.0,0.16270228553226188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939199678304903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632650642413774,0.0,0.21595503810529748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293641351568953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113058200218632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126105062593893,0.0,0.1684155632565665,0.0,0.20293633186754195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647481912866932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574341938651953,0.0,0.0,0.2143960135257136,0.0,0.0,0.10215990990584757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310641983669064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552940576927478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129969037594461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885066432437211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398753216301294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561559447178604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716507671394273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990596437414484,0.0,0.0,0.3104687623172247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459980205647064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890373574426124,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yesiamverysad,2018/02/20,"What would you do in my situation? I'm dying. I've been in my room for over a month now. I told my Mom I needed to goto the hospital a few weeks ago and then the following days I told her I needed her to make a doctor's appointment, she never did. I have zero energy and I am pretty sure I'm just gonna kill myself tomorrow. I'm 19 and do have health insurance. I am extremely sick and depressed. If I goto the hospital they're going to make me take meds? A chemical imbalance isn't the issue, my family is the issue and they'll just visit me in the hospital as well. What would you do? I've lost like twenty pounds in the past few weeks, I don't even know if I have the energy at this point...Im depressed, suicidal, and sick. How do I get the courage to go to the hospital? I have so many questions...",0.7316924664602666,2.6452987017543848,3.6522394220846266,86.79371517027866,82.4502923976608,7.766219470244237,20.000343997248024,8.671277953709913,1.2869522531819737,622,17,137,16,17,222,94,171,0.155,0.7440000000000001,0.101,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,1,1,7,8,1,0,14,0,18,4,0,3,2,21,35,12,3,6,4,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,4,1,1,5,0,25,4,13,26,2,21,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,3,11,92,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258183347478106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645813234121098,0.0,0.25764311685466296,0.0,0.15522659561383256,0.0,0.0,0.15308783003481366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878737855655774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099815054777892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814241480057481,0.0,0.17000437687950368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898238198046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155767528702145,0.3122175011144001,0.0,0.0,0.1654733662702565,0.0,0.08219793333643527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307072273414178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326969437146888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967383457217386,0.15163713351709635,0.0,0.0,0.16613485906308328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517068265146088,0.11938269341752407,0.0,0.0,0.2218035894295091,0.1153550406219938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277831556620374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138885254892564,0.0,0.0,0.15216307915195276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754890647749754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811920983574627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636016673196029,0.0,0.14096482158947465,0.0,0.11245552615731284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858347359173146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239946730691932,0.0,0.1344784034906861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249574996456014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iseetheblackshadows,2018/02/20,"Karma doesn't work 26 year old female who just found out that she has high functioning autism (diagnosed), along with my beloved PMDD, endometriosis, PCOS, hypothyroidism, asthma, chronic bronchitis, with self harm past and probably (not yet diagnosed because avoided therapy) PTSD, BDD, anorexia, social anxiety and personality disorders because life sucks and there's a lot of people who are going to destroy your life just because they can and you are going to live a nightmare since you start school. And it doesn't matter if you are gifted, the best student at high school, talented at drawing, unique, know a lot of knowledge to share with whoever cares about that stuff, it doesn't matter because people don't give a fuck. They just want to destroy your life, because you are you, you look vulnerable, and you did NOTHING. I don't even look ugly, I am not even fat (but nobody deserves bullying), I've been sexually abused, tortured, humiliated, betrayed, whatever. 

So now I am stuck at home, frustrated af, may have psychosis episodes soon dunno (wish me luck but thank you Ito Junji), suicide thoughts since I am 12...

Cool. And now I am an autist and my life makes sense. And all those beautiful beings who messed up my life are now happy, with a job, a career, friends, they can still be assholes and nobody is going to tell them anything because life is so fair for everyone and karma exists yaaaay! 

I write this in a sarcastic way, but my life is really messed up and I don't know what to do. At this point, I am very worried about my mental health. I've been convincing myself that I was ok for a lot of time, but I need help. I have panic attacks everyday and that feeling is the worst ever (aside from my beloved period cramps). But as nobody else seem to know about my entire existence, it doesn't matter. Sometimes I believe I am going to die from cancer in the nearly future because of all the psychological pain. I don't even know if that is possible. 

Edit: HFA and Asperger are the same. ",7.482626728110597,7.565731225806452,7.273947772657454,74.46306451612907,63.354838709677416,10.31152073732719,34.38095238095238,9.957137785484203,3.35647910906298,1584,62,279,30,21,503,206,372,0.191,0.674,0.135,-0.9717,1,1,0,0,1,1,64.0,0,10,4,2,19,25,7,2,14,2,38,17,1,1,3,60,63,24,2,5,12,0,1,0,1,1,16,0,1,2,16,20,1,1,9,0,0,4,10,14,0,0,7,4,38,11,35,53,8,33,2,0,2,1,27,13,2,9,15,188,54,7,0.0,0.10216437988030797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659630863594383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095711617356651,0.0,0.0,0.09809516597708826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36794039670525736,0.0,0.0,0.0971478114580784,0.09048946041274633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879137299126286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503629723000533,0.08948956125037695,0.0,0.09882311402937312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203123086678444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085549926175395,0.07799686478023905,0.0,0.08239317819928542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359874217950308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454297812364604,0.06661843037314245,0.0797150700836988,0.0,0.08271637838197783,0.1960181763624892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178978202341248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916548066631913,0.0,0.0,0.057795849070250996,0.18220620058469794,0.08649227537202862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556656097584439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895514608402539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263306111234545,0.0,0.0,0.07613963680849523,0.0,0.14481719609191732,0.0,0.0,0.2199202267054149,0.0,0.0,0.05755690182595188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689609700902265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393590551707211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273671484510489,0.0,0.09048027529956418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175114478922383,0.1011682957015466,0.0,0.0,0.08231301321504239,0.11955728673421635,0.0752897108120432,0.0,0.0,0.08151197499541166,0.09720749647455716,0.0,0.0,0.0929668211533688,0.0,0.10079424041882462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055238945619422934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453177478195347,0.0,0.07849742650754604,0.08995311281042667,0.0,0.0,0.14265501153522125,0.0,0.0,0.0878971244459008,0.0,0.0,0.08528027778251024,0.0,0.061031606648635474,0.0,0.06886064634577406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987087876199299,0.09431786718227003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536581856756502,0.07938583632445967,0.09860759201679138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845426116169932,0.05027940357915911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114594665988529,0.05085866220354667,0.06844263393321368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915629456011638,0.0,0.0,0.06277396641325464,0.08756726248961504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552708093469831
suicidewatch,ellavanilla14,2018/02/20,"It’s all my fault He killed himself, didn’t leave a note, he told his best friend it was because of me. I begged him to get help, but i wasn’t there when he needed me at the end. 
It’s been three weeks since It happened and I can’t get out of this fog. Sometimes I can distract myself but then it all comes crashing back down.
His family just started contacting me, blaming me also. I can’t carry this all. I can’t get my brain to shut up. I don’t feel like I deserve anything at this point. 
How do I get these voices to stop, because at this point i believe them when they tell me I don’t deserve to be here anymore ",2.9219715956558083,3.3733547142857176,4.013934837092734,92.60548036758566,73.28571428571428,6.512614870509608,26.055973266499585,5.82211442006289,0.5959196324143692,479,15,112,2,9,156,80,133,0.122,0.8009999999999999,0.077,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,8,6,1,1,2,0,12,1,1,1,3,13,22,8,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,5,2,25,3,12,16,4,18,0,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,9,78,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478325416446837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833315290214503,0.0,0.0,0.152124097268495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421459931505344,0.0,0.22537798166304104,0.0,0.0,0.20827400994596146,0.19399925222342004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636498960860447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924059293625134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373116422230244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742696341943409,0.0,0.0934708124252874,0.13206408028352956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282244161627414,0.0,0.3863270543465476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347116095089567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390781699994505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452029261938465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957401362845456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031329894557677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370714092443861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495050611250307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291817100866473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283134901843331,0.0,0.1308449182680882,0.0,0.0,0.15455130693488905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157586064303756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664173138025294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828360805215446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostgirl0927,2018/02/20,Feeling too close. Need to vent. Been dealing with a depressing episode and I was supposed to leave for a trip to see a long distance bf tomorrow but had to cancel due to issues on his end of things. I dropped out of school and feel like a total failure. Everything is seemingly crashing and I just can’t deal with it. I don’t want to live but I don’t want to hurt my family. I just want to die so badly. I don’t want life. It feels pointless. I don’t have anywhere else to turn. I guess I just need to vent. ,-0.04976495726495856,2.142774750000001,1.8537037037037043,96.56935897435899,88.53703703703705,5.174928774928778,21.270655270655283,6.67199483983844,0.3358980056980059,395,14,91,5,13,130,67,108,0.227,0.6809999999999999,0.092,-0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,24,23,6,1,6,5,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,4,12,1,17,20,1,9,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,2,5,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875312287216633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673427782336425,0.1534458158032559,0.0,0.1848981792264446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882678212540704,0.0,0.1577936594542018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011545294336224,0.0,0.16794996506550494,0.0,0.27024363287464503,0.12727494249108312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962593211693096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072007305711705,0.0,0.0,0.18594895820010726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886418663979393,0.0,0.0,0.12583710904987513,0.08703820073407077,0.0,0.15731533394677638,0.1576627764462855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642013739284219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803037523228843,0.14196755663015145,0.16218686327670173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835917236895944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378296583266866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42032495893095984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gpep21,2018/02/20,I don’t know what to do I’m a 19 year old dude. I’ve never posted here or reached out or anything to strangers but I don’t really know where else to turn. My depression has gone off the rails at this point. I haven’t had a steady stream of good days in as long as I can remember. Today I got dumped. Yesterday I learned my uncle has terminal cancer. Piled on with the uncontrollable shit I’ve felt I’m just at the point where I’m done. I cut for the first time in like a year tonight. I want to die and I just don’t know where else to turn. I’m sorry if this isn’t where this belongs or whatever. I just needed to get this shit off my chest and I dont know what to do. ,0.005861297539148325,1.7803582214765117,1.9846711409395963,98.52582102908278,84.23489932885906,5.852527964205817,17.987024608501123,7.03164865440522,-0.1793815659955258,521,12,133,7,15,173,82,149,0.237,0.701,0.062,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,4,1,7,0,13,4,3,0,1,22,29,9,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,5,1,14,2,20,24,0,27,0,1,0,0,0,14,2,4,12,77,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157501598018115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311517176156124,0.0,0.13771215346402713,0.0,0.16593952920488206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362194983134482,0.1873887063933587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713347056513875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351850508286474,0.0,0.0,0.13600149387107446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353539850347964,0.0,0.0,0.134107299577511,0.12787783205740136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514832314791003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811368458617053,0.0,0.0,0.14149672541983233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855566071116565,0.1233162465267512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777659959165964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022935539365325,0.0,0.15312945576001874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242898167994437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112305804834036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282475027212155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898263486443478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323255631217857,0.0,0.1515560679225869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478266173602179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430666933805214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592653578098544
suicidewatch,Flybook,2018/02/20,"Friend took their own life. I always thought I would be the first to go, but I never expected him to just do it.

I struggled with depression and suicide ever since I was 9 but all I had to go off of what he was going through was his lifestyle. He never spoke about it. He played games with us and made jokes. We had no idea. 5 years ago and the day before he did it there was nothing that changed. Cops flooded the house and my other friends told me what happened.

im going insane.",1.8633333333333333,3.7222137171717233,2.7646464646464644,94.8336363636364,78.49494949494951,5.208080808080808,23.12121212121212,5.82211442006289,0.2187454545454548,374,12,82,2,9,118,71,99,0.183,0.713,0.104,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,2,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,1,4,19,20,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,3,0,5,3,2,0,1,12,1,13,4,9,6,2,13,0,1,0,0,14,1,0,0,7,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593565533721675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958425672934642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297227250279793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901743688749595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593772021214062,0.0,0.1548368959229672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261357856951114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529135128758578,0.0,0.0,0.2777819696261721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086730564463624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897130924291156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743212939602326,0.0,0.20294009759238474,0.19418402679924213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697789936601947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010410307420876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773016665382582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249556527631582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870881023216762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879361635883231,0.0,0.1966408002266085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271845935345956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177933490598146,0.19973270780200966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624293288638868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770448798713946,0.0,0.0,0.11576692683419028
suicidewatch,helpthrowout10,2018/02/20,"i’m not a good person and it kind of sucks but i just don’t think i can fix myself. i’m fucking 15. i dont know shit.. i just need someone to talk to tonight. i am a long, long story for such a small ass amount of time. i’m too young for this. it makes me feel bad for complaining when some people are in their 30s, 40s, etc and have been through much more. but i’m losing my family and myself and everything that i think was ever stable in my life. i am at a loss. i genuinely believe i’m a detriment to my family. i help all my friends out and i make them happy but if i cant make people happy what am i good for anyway? whats the point?? there really isnt one",-0.9103020667726582,0.9828483513513504,1.837726550079492,97.39312400635932,89.13513513513512,5.103974562798093,15.46263910969793,6.522977012572876,-0.5424845786963433,508,10,126,6,17,176,92,148,0.16699999999999998,0.7,0.134,-0.4756,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,2,8,13,3,0,6,0,12,4,2,3,2,24,27,10,0,2,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,1,21,6,14,25,6,13,0,2,0,2,7,6,4,2,7,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328750409918262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929599824118994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651059759714872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748288395416004,0.0,0.14395101156232148,0.0,0.0,0.14302454269519727,0.0,0.30004557970635304,0.0,0.08046583740599791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295097332345037,0.1471221312246523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669577379315096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33881443851837656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666801750566968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571955681592093,0.0874590427703429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240510922022268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816673354977375,0.0,0.1780366698770596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31868104943385417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698602447505008,0.11800010552048927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783721074545292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065492521434416,0.1389546882706771,0.0,0.0,0.15043849888188032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194899656487996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335466280393562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483859071648535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791050006861204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039406474534828,0.0,0.0,0.09279566590738003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NovaDerp,2018/02/20,"i dont know what to do this is the closest ive been to suicide in a while, last night i hurt a lot of close friends and they wont come near me and its still haunting me, plus talking another friend out of suicide minutes before now is tolling my mind as well, i almost want to call 911 so that someone can stop me but ive never done that before and i know how much shit that will cause in my life... im so useless but i know it would hurt people if i died... i know some might follow me to death and i cant let that happen... i just dont know how to stop myself",0.5295781818181808,1.9162804159999995,2.341018181818181,98.5185090909091,80.84,4.865454545454545,20.163636363636364,4.851557810540192,-0.5041200000000003,432,11,108,1,11,143,79,125,0.251,0.6990000000000001,0.05,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,1,0,3,0,16,2,1,3,1,30,25,14,4,3,4,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,2,0,19,3,13,18,3,16,0,3,0,0,5,6,1,5,8,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391312260745734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569372643978806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364603179261749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418762172769772,0.0,0.0,0.14273261340185206,0.0,0.11968699000743907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420077527358813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218680823376656,0.3256800458445812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146938519553023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286673169489455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29748245775195004,0.0,0.15008215528828542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38179687141010893,0.1132569932969952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420785105227583,0.09813946659234482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812426963981232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739644085027415,0.1402927026660383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213900524972656,0.0,0.1071613161625342,0.0,0.0,0.1303884825167566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632549984486627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262287171966356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772585303977125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095996505245093,0.2323249416203557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039619231517321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167702549623304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195211169501708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492633729566432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870103691335977,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zanor,2018/02/20,I think someone on Whisper near me is suicidal I think someone on Whisper near me is suicidal. He posted something about guilt over his friend in the Army dying. I said he can talk to me. What else should I do? If you can relate to him sending a message might help. I don't even know what to say. https://whisper.sh/dl/91896,2.0446774193548407,4.849249516129035,2.277661290322584,92.53649193548388,86.09677419354837,5.035483870967743,23.87903225806452,6.6274283507984215,0.8646709677419362,258,10,49,3,8,78,43,62,0.166,0.746,0.08800000000000001,-0.7351,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,12,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,11,1,10,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,2,0,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468405949051439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986849821417796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570912200682664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837547615072716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594192838607595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071076309123786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523108844411777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277851825807873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262405110331945,0.18914008660229364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030424877386249,0.1831010187100804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5203171882878757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911669570321385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30479681470976755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throh-Audino-Wailord,2018/02/20,I don’t know. I wrote stuff. I erased it. I just want to die.,-5.738999999999999,-6.443182399999998,-2.3274999999999992,118.42875,139.66666666666669,1.5,3.75,3.1291,-3.518,44,0,15,0,4,15,12,15,0.295,0.606,0.098,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5954862770537885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153308948796369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6568333516333734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384264598950491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brokenchemicalbonds,2018/02/20,"I don’t deserve to be alive. I take up so many resources. I feel like a leech. There are probably countless others who would be more deserving of the life I live. But I don’t. 

I need to be better, but I’m a shit human being. I disappoint and I let down and I flake. I just feel like the world would be better off without me, you know? 

Anyway. I wrote an rant about autobiographies earlier which isn’t even close to having cohesive ideas. But I just want to say it. I know it’s repetitive and meandering and too abstract to be understood by anyone with any sense, but I want to shout these feelings into the void. I’m sorry you had to end up in the same one as I. 

on autobiographies— fuck you for thinking you matter
it is incomprehensibly arrogant to think that anyone would care about your life:
a stranger, just another of billions of billions of lives that exist ephemerally on this earth every day

— !
How dare you think that anyone cares about you and what you’ve done?
Nothing you have ever done has had any meaning to anyone other than those whom you’ve directly affected. Nor will it ever. 

The measure of an impactful life begins and ends with the connections one has made. Nothing more, and nothing less. No one cares about your life. Your thoughts, your words, your experiences. They are meaningless, and for you to think for a SECOND that they matter is mind-bogglingly self-centered. 

I hate biographies, but my most fervent vitriol I reserve for autobiographies. Anyone can write a book and pretend that those people who read about their brief, insignificant stints admire them, or value them, or even consider them as anything but a distorted mirror through which they see themselves. And to pretend that your life matters is the worst arrogance of them all. When people read about you, they don’t care about you. They don’t care about how you’ve felt, or what you’ve thought, or what you’ve done. They only see you as a vessel through which they might encounter some spark that will give meaning to their worthless lives. I do not mean for worthless to be an offensive accusation. Rather, I state it as a fact. Every life is just as worthless as every other. 

I read about your life story, and all I see are the ways in which you are similar to me. and I wonder if you have some value that I do not. For look at you— look at all you’ve done. And look at what I’ve done. It’s folly, I know. Neither of us matters. but there is a dark, aching sting in knowing that I matter even less. IS every life just as worthless as any other? The truth sits like a cold stone on the floor of my chest. I know that’s not true. I am more worthless. I don’t deserve to be here. 

And then I see the ways in which we are different. I see in you a mirror, and you reflect back at me everything I hate about myself. You highlight every shortcoming, every flaw. Every idea you articulate is a reminder that I have never had an original thought. 

I hate that anyone can ever feel as though their lives are worth something. Because I can’t. 



I know. I know that all we can ever do is write about ourselves. I am incapable of knowing anything else, and I don’t even have a firm grasp on that— who I am, I mean. I wish I were gone from this earth so I wouldn’t have to bear the burden of knowing how many resources I waste in my existence. I don’t deserve to be here. None of us do. 
I wish I could disappear into a black hole. I want to know what’s in there. ",2.6642766802067928,4.8781492245199445,3.5948483659527355,88.13010859028805,77.43426883308716,6.5355336041358925,23.724358382570163,7.588611131419004,1.090663977104874,2703,89,543,39,64,864,258,677,0.159,0.73,0.111,-0.9932,1,1,1,0,0,0,83.0,4,24,14,2,40,27,6,0,30,0,68,11,2,6,12,120,127,46,0,13,22,0,5,3,0,7,8,2,0,1,42,23,0,0,32,6,1,3,19,14,0,6,17,17,97,13,84,92,16,45,0,6,9,1,52,24,2,10,17,407,139,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733050489974293,0.05516652817839401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071823590892187,0.0,0.08658765348534868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045410365698267,0.0,0.032070774666657996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305913996277684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819873723655463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042005075173315136,0.0,0.0,0.03392931665277988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054966607270056526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691932163004189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043949187866936905,0.0,0.09319429049699628,0.0,0.0,0.13899453232152034,0.1903562564187417,0.3102853608421877,0.0,0.047282780836300886,0.05146300719411062,0.0,0.0,0.10640547372307677,0.07516967414616006,0.05051417635284993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04863741114480995,0.0,0.05046863158433858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582545500425798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878133915621075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891326672706538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053797636630134885,0.2972819094673448,0.07710826333203663,0.0,0.18582357468834865,0.0,0.13253830486065465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049781175329145055,0.0,0.10667725353050997,0.0,0.2292323319957151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581125629950949,0.0531214454044979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03900990013913904,0.0405763371709585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144311906646005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695038289774147,0.040012533926116985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294677034272762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672284423152084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787372990851642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183785361956127,0.0,0.0,0.20961814561343572,0.0,0.05488405801967512,0.0,0.054003757497808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050200967969736,0.0,0.05889296783315896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395564278898678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348423250365706,0.05168939147204854,0.12530019886728844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656752143138664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309282402706237,0.08351927742014661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099858812273626,0.05071448990366217,0.05705366901467536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121186272155897,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Agnt_Michael_Scarn,2018/02/20,"Worried about my little brother My brother is 19, sophomore in college studying engineering. He’s always suffered from moderate social anxiety and depression, but lately it seems to have gotten worse. He is awake until 3am every night with non-stop thoughts about his inadequacies. He has very good grades and a couple friends but nothing solid and no great influences. He’s always afraid of saying stupid things. If they made a movie about him his character would be ripping at his own brain wanting a new one because he doesn’t understand why he can’t just be normal. 

He’s seen specialists for years. He’s tried medication. My mom is constantly looking for help and he’s not at all ashamed to try new methods. I have a very general distrust of doctors. I am a medical malpractice attorney and I see what many of these so-called specialists do. I know a good percentage graduated with a mere psychology degree and just check the boxes and make a diagnosis. They recite the textbook with little practical knowledge. 

I see posts about people suffering from depression and they say something like “_____ saved my life.” It’s sometimes like a book, movie, therapist, thought exercise, hobby, job, etc. my brother has tried seeking help and I’m wondering if anyone has a novel idea.

It’s difficult for me to imagine him taking his own life, but every person who has lost a loved one to suicide has at some point uttered the same words. I’m all ears. Please help. ",4.810877192982456,7.370064793233084,5.323477443609021,76.63654448621557,72.1203007518797,8.493483709273184,31.760025062656645,9.188382445141503,3.26369724310777,1169,55,192,27,24,374,164,266,0.151,0.6679999999999999,0.18,0.9003,1,0,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,1,6,18,2,2,14,0,17,9,2,3,2,42,36,15,1,5,8,4,0,2,1,1,6,3,0,1,7,12,0,0,9,3,1,0,4,10,0,2,6,7,20,8,24,27,7,15,0,5,4,1,32,7,0,5,9,109,27,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832909291517632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197604209392538,0.0,0.0,0.07492779053120315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532289304962591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962444641592625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580038685051075,0.0,0.0,0.11856896196759326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845911047290528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968137636155244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951017442686974,0.0,0.0,0.18057149852235105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279047500509444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797591131832039,0.0,0.11814274402655515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547846914348345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096902545449263,0.0,0.0,0.1063383839586608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889156871820005,0.0,0.12087957773721017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137858829079825,0.10470456651441826,0.21480215431834954,0.0,0.0,0.0899862424422218,0.0,0.11697627951693056,0.0,0.09671482780164928,0.10139606622259628,0.07152920318448755,0.10864200967440324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590204854259631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550286699495142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698890341473344,0.0,0.10056109482821292,0.10499268427175787,0.10282157481075713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452268926306695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429028651383954,0.09356676352492126,0.0,0.11762797285963912,0.10129952162899004,0.0,0.10262832543927997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170433652808381,0.0,0.0,0.1707830739916987,0.09755317246047374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923470642730423,0.0,0.08249593201602215,0.10598260371242336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958939483877032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721412500639805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805699374378205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441940356186015,0.07119141785663154,0.0,0.0,0.17014393061967722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826098301401856,0.0,0.0,0.1115558904602297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683414891845547,0.06320492359803183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669397659493717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162089396926552,0.0,0.10882476839823267,0.10920377674091106,0.07612240085248145,0.0,0.0,0.06900663045467588
suicidewatch,belkiopas,2018/02/20,"Venting thoughts Life is so unnapealing.. I feel like ive done this to myself from a young age. Its one of the reasons why i hate myself and dont feel like im worthy of any kind of treatment or empathy. 

With unnappealing i mean.. ive thought about things too much. Ive thought about many aspects of religion and life and love and loss. Good vibes and bad vibes. Its all lost its meaning to me. 

I have tried to kill myself once, recently almost twice even. I dont know why i keep moving on. natural instincts are a bitch to overcome, plus family i guess.

The future excites me more as a spectator than a participant. Id love to see what kind of future were heading towards as a species. But living to that point is much less exciting. I dont want to have to think anymore at all. I want to turn my brain off so badly. Or take a vacation from myself/life for a year or so. Not like travel to spain or some shit like that.. but travel away from who i am.

As i mentioned i thought about a lot of things too much. Death probably being one of them. At this point is such a dear friend to me. The concept soothes me more than most things in life can. 

Whatever its eternal nothingness, sweet rest at last. I like being not conscious.

An afterlife with gods judgement? Sure i have a lot to say to him/her anyway

Heaven sounds sweet, hell i cannot accept because its honestly one of the stupidest concepts ive ever fucking heard of.

Endless reincarnation actually sounds like hell to me, so i hope its not that. But at least i get a reroll on life, whatever 'i' even means anymore in this context hah.

There are more im sure i just cant think of them right now. Im writing this as im going to sleep so dont expect any replies soon. I feel like im almost at the end of my road though. One way or the other

Im supposed to finish my exams and go to work and be a responsible adult. Be someone who contributes to society. Yet i feel like i am incompatible with said society. Maybe i was born too early/late or maybe just in the wrong place or family. 

Heres this post though, to one of the groups of people i have the most empathy for. Maybe somehow these thoughts can guide even just one person.

I dont want to sound like a drama queen now but, depression is so fucking painful. No amount of words can do it justice. Being torn apart mentally by yourself is simply put, devastating. 

Im writing this just before i go to bed, so i probably wont reply any time soon. 

But maybe i can spark a discussion or something

So imagine your life in time spent conscious. Now at what % of this time should one feel 'happy' for life to be considered ""worth living"".
Or what % of time spent suffering is too much?  Theres also intensity associated with these but that makes the answer a bit too complicated i think.. id say my sad to happy ratio is like 90+%. The rest being neutral/indifferent or other emotions that are more akin to distractions. I wonder how accurate that % is if at all. It certainly feels accurate from my point of view.. idk what im talking about at this point so im just gonna end it here. 

I feel so stupid for writing all this ill probably end up deleting it soon
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suicidewatch,iwrestldazombie,2018/02/20,". I know so many of us struggle everyday and I’m no more special than the post above and below me. But I just need to say that I’m done. I can’t keep this going anymore.  Every day is a struggle not to kill myself.  Speeding along the highway I glance at the guardrail and a sick smile comes along my face. Cooking dinner and slicing meat with a sharp knife I imagine slicing into my own flesh and watching the blood coat my kitchen.  I’ve tried so many times and something keeps pushing me off that ledge or doesn’t let me cut deep enough or tie a good enough knot.  I fucking hate myself for that.  I honestly suck at killing my self. Fuck I’m a mess. I hate the stupid repulsive bitch that I am. I need to go through with it. It has to happen.  I can’t keep going. There isn’t even a means to keep going. The rent won’t get paid again, car insurance just bounced and I’m typing this on an empty stomach. I can’t keep living like this.  I make okay money but the bills are high and OSAP takes too much.  My family and I don’t see each other and the boyfriend would rather get fucked up everyday.  This has been wonderful folks but as overdone yet poetically beautiful it is I am going to say my final fuck it on my birthday in about 2 weeks. Just needed to vent. 



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suicidewatch,aphrodite_babe,2018/02/20,"Less than a year left... I am writing this as a declaration. I am giving myself a year to live. 
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long time and this is a decision I feel very comfortable with. Even happy and excited.

I used to be one of those people that thought, ""oh, tomorrow will be better"". And for most people, it does. For me though, it never has.

This past year, I was finally able to stand up, and say my dreams. Try to pursue them, even just TALK about them, something I was scared to do before. For awhile, I was happy, my mother was okay with me pursuing my dreams, even encouraging me to a point. 
However, after my mom let me down again, and is no longer allowing me to follow my dreams, I realized how stuck I am in this loop. I realized that things just don't work out for me, that they never will, and that's OKAY! 

SO, in a year's time... I will be out of this loop, I will be happy.",2.8295263975155294,4.029386875,4.285714285714288,87.745,74.27173913043478,8.083229813664598,22.92546583850932,8.634040054169528,1.2393335403726708,691,18,153,13,14,230,98,184,0.07200000000000001,0.743,0.185,0.9675,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,3,2,10,11,0,2,7,2,22,0,0,3,2,26,29,10,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,13,11,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,2,0,1,7,2,28,9,27,13,2,24,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,14,118,41,1,0.1400237352488846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914988546138565,0.0,0.0,0.12383961491948978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253571431959928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774530696097682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080020778433226,0.0,0.0,0.15338915765904584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432352595173486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447173609709644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213619805183298,0.1431837561902983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364352357851655,0.123916599405281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399410639103384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598987362680708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488370684739544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366849931095673,0.1941496547781825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323676894811789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135249441112167,0.1401881863222485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779711233534812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638321049451208,0.0,0.1531632395904106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254577438823173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302554781141872,0.0,0.1375726089426937,0.22232640996921973,0.1632979321293501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950669248346134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093554941711225,0.0,0.11553424605219445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101938946935826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606827785671575
suicidewatch,Sazerac_Attack,2018/02/20,"Life is torture Its always when I think things are getting better something super shitty happens. Im tired of this, why does it feel like this world wants to see me sad?",1.9631818181818201,4.666794939393941,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,84.45454545454547,3.3000000000000003,20.37121212121212,3.1291,-0.4007515151515149,135,4,25,0,4,41,31,33,0.28800000000000003,0.513,0.199,-0.6369,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,8,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25643850306171434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725687279791252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26969886660112896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582996272217986,0.22017076960758108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101638820544084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725311169996628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328977409768024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768348586482505,0.1505659108211506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455872742174538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725947313523635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047475297222457,0.19747550336091174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542187016504167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177825870867687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780932511655244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway435461,2018/02/20,"I've never been this close to suicide before and I don't know what to do Things were OK today when it suddenly hit me. My life is complete garbage and not worth living. With my one and only life, why am I the person who has to live with a physical disability that leaves me unable to do the things I once loved to do? A girl isn't going to find this attractive, and that's basically the whole reason I am still alive. That's probably going to end soon though. I had the most intense urge to just jump in front of a car while walking back from work today. When I hear people talking about the fun stuff they're able to do (like drive a fucking car for one) it makes me feel like shit. Why am I the one who is cursed with this bitch of a disease? I want to bash my head against a concrete wall until there is nothing left. Throw me in the trash for all I care. I never asked for this godamn life. My life as a normal person is over. Since I graduated high school, I have had no one. I have been going about my days completely alone, with only my family to keep me company (not now though while I am in college). Why couldn't the person who was an ass to me for years have this? I am so helpless and I want to die. This is a fucked up video game where the player decreases the quality of a character's life",2.9632352941176485,3.9866335588235313,4.160323529411766,89.45820588235296,73.70588235294117,7.351764705882353,22.79117647058824,7.7348632917899725,0.7868244117647056,1016,25,227,13,20,333,147,272,0.125,0.782,0.093,-0.918,0,1,0,0,1,2,24.0,0,0,0,1,14,12,4,0,20,1,27,11,3,2,3,27,43,14,2,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,4,18,10,0,1,4,2,1,10,8,5,0,4,6,2,28,7,35,35,3,37,0,1,0,4,12,10,5,1,19,159,46,4,0.10167472554349448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530435217021128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095052143304113,0.0,0.0,0.07818158793668742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651770274012663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036641589568328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132080305794988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557178663537529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552231274518707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005362817414049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584988242356228,0.0,0.05140979621847151,0.07263644424384323,0.0,0.0,0.09292885715379276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879932908005209,0.0,0.0,0.17335226886401262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043476015666548,0.0,0.11459480518148885,0.0,0.0,0.1074249298664977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903731677345046,0.0,0.0,0.05587777013491644,0.0,0.0,0.10765885367913973,0.11046988679923862,0.0,0.3590793276511614,0.0993462702235783,0.0,0.1795612908444592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176540944932324,0.0,0.06786866881746546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683563277429854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961964344434353,0.09755964134149496,0.0,0.0,0.10828026439975252,0.27558970156340457,0.15465642082886422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048845265000582,0.2663353457027811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962255082718192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453855176033884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290025040454802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043676446653306,0.08410638364720152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119756715763189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639323528233993,0.11121564726885498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817222930217087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509633956625314,0.0,0.1997898032314104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192751502603245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994077485371228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752368759333006,0.11351620005553305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402041113580075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547518971318983
suicidewatch,bluec1996,2018/02/20,"Urge is getting stronger Recently I have noticed the urge to up myself has increasingly become a lot more stronger than usual. Usually the feeling is there but it would be at a minimal but right now... with each passing days it’s developing into a urge that I want to fulfil. I’m scared, this is so strange and new to me. I have never felt like this before but it feels so exciting. I don’t know what to do. I just want to get it over with. 

I really thought I still have a few more years left... to wait... guess it’s coming a lot sooner than I thought. ",1.5460096540627504,3.5896043893805327,3.2446822204344343,90.09667739340307,80.3274336283186,6.586967015285603,23.54706355591312,7.686295010490155,1.0717150442477883,428,15,93,7,11,142,72,113,0.087,0.7909999999999999,0.122,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,7,0,11,0,0,0,1,24,25,6,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,3,10,2,14,20,7,18,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,10,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787693437904664,0.16016346192939904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213699478730906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138792431836865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034187637107555,0.0,0.1807230920349846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966769478868319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073482752358204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344214913548108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045042684716224,0.0,0.0,0.09195599319468582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200400325825645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516877531105146,0.18178643804575287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142925339057664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058013640246493,0.0,0.18584698550944215,0.0,0.0,0.16074096416080336,0.0,0.0,0.18844353190965987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031471068151206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988552390219896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146009259513978,0.0,0.2220369833994167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370784499241514,0.0,0.0,0.12120910198514714
suicidewatch,dietcokedream,2018/02/20,Overwhelmed My finances stress me out. My wife is depressed as fuck. My wife says she doesn’t want to have sex because she feels she is too fat. Tells me that I would just fuck anything so what gives. This offends me as I feel she is beautiful and I try to show her how much I love and care about her yet it makes no difference. I have three children and my oldest is so wild and crazy that I don’t want to come home from work. I have begun fantasizing about suicide and researching methods. I have begun considering what I would leave in a note. I have a great career and make a decent salary yet I am always broke. I feel like the cycle of life will never change and as I put forth more and more effort I still get the same result. Sadness. I am in graduate school and it is so overwhelming that I do nothing towards my studies. I have a test coming up in two days and I am beginning to panic. I think of dropping the class but I don’t have the money to pay for the tuition I would have to pay back. Fuck. I would be leaving a giant mess for my family to clean up but I still feel like they would just consider it a temporary setback and life would go on without me. ,1.473198478561546,3.5766605020746915,2.8681587136929494,92.3846170470263,80.90871369294607,5.8423928077455045,21.659923928077454,6.996647511020387,0.5074936376210228,915,28,198,11,24,297,130,241,0.146,0.764,0.09,-0.8855,1,0,1,2,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,2,14,17,4,4,11,0,28,8,1,4,1,38,48,20,1,8,5,2,4,2,0,7,3,1,2,1,9,14,1,0,5,1,5,4,6,12,0,2,0,5,40,5,26,40,4,25,0,5,0,5,14,9,3,0,13,147,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974159076877709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634287714759007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900235676071309,0.0,0.07136792785961553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936592321256212,0.0,0.12384999041993833,0.20169975904723336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755037896143835,0.0,0.1008366594833878,0.0,0.0,0.12231861883946192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036803674902068,0.0,0.236786864410597,0.16727702830550295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32470228292957304,0.061166936409173436,0.11230915671735243,0.06653650860680381,0.0,0.0,0.1290757717423616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743592622901895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479313697373053,0.0,0.0,0.16538728865576474,0.11439401411533336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056648983421406,0.0,0.15629715018433413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606370979382752,0.0,0.09029557702062736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233676879453826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736246918721506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769286718923158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931028623398436,0.0,0.11848630724392807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869927400929519,0.0,0.13410919454178466,0.0,0.0,0.12806121754634192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232884580063288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501703206157402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079486345256629,0.0,0.11436541478795716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810791950962675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285627162117215,0.0,0.08523210722692982,0.0,0.0,0.4990009865374519,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sslipperyssloppe,2018/02/20,"On chat with 14 yo boy suicidal, blahtherapy. Help No fucking idea what to say to him, says he will kill himself after the chat and refuses to get help. Any ideas? Quick please",1.937058823529412,4.583617117647059,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,83.70588235294119,6.929411764705884,23.20588235294117,8.07648339933343,1.4679647058823528,138,5,28,3,4,43,30,34,0.242,0.594,0.163,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,6,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,1,1,0,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777315837572872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416201466869865,0.13654813893732573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503639027248038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5900800210182009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891525718211074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868912783109738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41568282894537945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858819151743305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mxqueen976,2018/02/20,"Received good news, but I actually feel worse This is just me venting, I don't really expect anyone to respond. Just a virtual ear for me to whine into is more than enough.

I'm a 22 year old jobless girl. Laid off last month. I recently played with the idea of joining the Air Force to do something different with my life and have the option to go to college for free/almost free once my 4 year active duty term is up. 

I was excited about joining until I came across some info online stating I could possibly be permanently ineligible to join any branch due to a previous bout with cancer. I had one surgery to remove a small tumor and that was it. I went crazy trying to get in touch with recruiters over the phone, but no one answered. I went into the darkest pit of depression I'd ever been in. I was ready to give up. That raging fire of excitement was extinguished and stomped into smoldering ashes. 

I isolated myself from my friends for over a week, not logging into facebook at all. Now this will sound absolutely petty and childish but...I was a little hurt that none of them felt the need to call or text me, or maybe even stop by my house since most live less than 5 miles away. They really just don't give a shit if I'm offline long enough. 

I returned to facebook today and no one still gave a shit. I had to reach out to them and say hey just to get their attention. They noticed I was gone, but didn't really care one way or the other. I realized at that moment, if I ever did go through with my plans, I really wouldn't be missed. At all.

Today, I finally got in touch with a recruiter, and he confidently told me I'm not permanently disqualified, but I do have to jump through a few hoops to prove I'm healthy and fit enough to join. I should've been excited, but I felt nothing but shame. 

I'm ashamed that I expected to hear him say ""I'm sorry, but any cancer history is strictly banned due to the increased likelihood of recurrence, and we can't take that risk in times of war"" or something like that. Ashamed that I was going to take those words and use them as an excuse to finally give up and check out of life. I was fully prepared to do just that. 

Now that my future is actually bright again, I have to dig myself out of this rut quickly and get back on track with my ASVAB test prep and exercise. Right now, it just seems like a chore with my current mindset. But I'm sure that'll change as I continue watching more youtube videos about the ""Chair Force"" life lol. That always makes me laugh for some reason. I always imagine a gaggle of chairs soaring through the sky in unison, carrying airmen in their dress blues. 

Thanks for reading, even if ya skimmed through it all in 0.02 seconds. Posting here just makes me feel so much better sometimes. I feel safe to say whatever bullshit is on my mind at the moment, without having to make things awkward with someone I know. You all are good people. ",5.6140401785714245,5.890137581597222,6.008494047619048,81.296625,67.28125,9.082857142857142,30.866865079365077,8.922882184376627,2.366200257936508,2301,83,456,36,35,741,297,576,0.145,0.6859999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.902,3,0,2,0,0,0,61.0,1,2,7,2,22,30,4,5,24,1,37,9,3,5,8,98,78,32,1,8,25,0,8,2,1,3,6,6,1,1,21,31,0,4,15,4,2,11,11,13,0,5,23,17,57,18,91,49,18,82,0,4,3,0,29,35,2,12,35,302,78,6,0.0,0.0,0.16167046678704886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294751530868426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785109095986356,0.0,0.0,0.11266159114920996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792031742600465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782642346612156,0.06369517721128773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326102762427643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458402931210107,0.09474143326470533,0.08445603561495446,0.0,0.08762868765478016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613718918663908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134586048864723,0.0,0.0,0.0865451826706137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256772801299438,0.0,0.10942377370028764,0.14985841224758242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565194057647622,0.0,0.1590696183387888,0.1814838866194716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399829166386302,0.0,0.12983396318139004,0.2383892961490033,0.1412315070168927,0.1389565182954699,0.06625089896616318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336132222639007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558073143054063,0.0886768248028628,0.09351088966277224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552407497526593,0.06752176668293522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755269137754471,0.08093821645443816,0.08302266004178585,0.07314502392742014,0.07330657009906415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587947372941875,0.0,0.08321912032792947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363996660139099,0.0,0.0661182886879166,0.0,0.06089342371657419,0.061421271953660365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948263533542509,0.09430845609548204,0.08692163739094387,0.08821681436059553,0.22452517711589876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742751716078561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933842733376786,0.07933325064305688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285764437970458,0.0,0.2122654726720388,0.08516841056206724,0.08178979432434294,0.0,0.0,0.07074083209996827,0.0,0.1976216941821596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541008048904607,0.0,0.0,0.17005834231625885,0.06852215658944365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018601986595249,0.12754121094047902,0.08192615857398952,0.0927272559154637,0.0,0.0,0.06615232007591193,0.06925395971611226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807122206647597,0.0,0.12456356495520875,0.0,0.0,0.0762635486698695,0.0,0.0,0.05503204473307218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830188758457109,0.0,0.1570362209321976,0.07915261017071867,0.0,0.05623968235843993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154304083038415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575074831644069,0.06644542335012417,0.0,0.0,0.15357817247582894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985020380092532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441617413392248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668634193261982
suicidewatch,paperclip667,2018/02/20,"Fuck me I just took a lot of pills and I can't tell if I'm having a panic attack, or actually dying Just wanted to say thank you to you guys for helping me out even though it didn't mater in the end. Bye

Edit: I'm still here, sadly ",-1.1059748427672955,0.7080573018867966,2.1040566037735857,95.71067610062893,89.18867924528303,4.2880503144654085,12.606918238993714,5.46131890053228,-1.25825534591195,179,2,44,1,6,64,43,53,0.225,0.691,0.083,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,6,5,2,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,9,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,6,1,6,7,1,5,0,1,0,1,7,2,1,3,3,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.2575414615865808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30023965423986443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739004991761356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337489869946411,0.0,0.0,0.17431234764857428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439837360102574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613158123368181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689562547255935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243697813536448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30964557548700444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987457170281748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076162564848205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067199166078356,0.2429760509826269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592936290523121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932175585484857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566299320663185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aintnorestforablack,2018/02/20,"I really want to die, but.. I am not doing this for attention. in fact, it makes me feel even worse when inconsiderate people describe suicide as selfish. I am tired of plans being cancelled. I am tired of having no luck or friends. I'm going to die alone, but I don't know how soon. 

I used to go to a therapist. the doctor hgave me pills to help. I also have had eosiniphilic esophagitus since birth. I would puke every time I attempted to swallow the medicine. it would get stuck in my throat. that is the most agonizing (physical) feeling. throwing up all those pills has taught me that I cannot even fake my happiness with medicine. 

I have no friends outside of the internet, and none that really care. I am terrified to drive vehicles and swim. I feel like a coward for things like this, and the things people say when they find out.

everybody is extremely unreliable. I really want to kill myself but I am too considerate. it would crush my entire family if I die. they are all I have. however, I continue to feel horrible by going on. it hasn't gotten better for six years. it isn't going to. 

one last thing- if there is an afterlife, I can possibly live happily. if there is no afterlife, I wouldn't know the difference. it looks like a win win situation, but I'm too scared. I'm sorry for going on and on,  I tend to talk too much. ",2.052617230098143,4.5117162519084015,3.822644492911672,84.3222328244275,81.13740458015268,8.017666303162487,23.479280261723012,8.841846274778883,1.9930639040348963,1046,37,208,28,28,350,143,262,0.253,0.58,0.16699999999999998,-0.9773,1,1,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,0,2,5,12,15,1,1,10,0,27,7,1,3,3,38,52,17,5,9,9,0,4,3,2,4,5,1,0,0,15,6,1,0,9,1,0,8,10,4,0,2,4,6,30,11,28,43,5,23,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,6,11,145,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178134937678718,0.0,0.09096799508997593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060502134421352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597846141697593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35417203787214296,0.11884736308190633,0.0,0.11643071112147875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026517434535586,0.0,0.0958415579684416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723592418390113,0.0,0.23006713707720064,0.08126495339347588,0.0,0.0,0.10396790927926038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577011154843825,0.0,0.059431092085579076,0.0,0.32324141130851497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109186703208864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624603868038808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585051144907836,0.0,0.12503102080551629,0.09272363490687244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672147370882068,0.0,0.10044572035190302,0.0,0.09552362074816492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593081222166337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362132488977203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708177515576246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772360222235107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823908040893814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861868207401786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904607147256177,0.11388629951995093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409741099438483,0.1278628036592175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733683737565116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442699372216065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914301133921496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207565508902208,0.226716722977763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633011560161788,0.2614839956459641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824581203916499,0.0,0.0,0.134188582328498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592372201077207,0.2424199683904265,0.0,0.0,0.07325301087989812
suicidewatch,Oxfordwillow,2018/02/20,On my way to the bridge. The only one tall enough is an hour away. I just have to get there. ,-2.4542857142857137,-0.7080478571428549,-0.4980952380952371,111.10142857142858,99.0,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.8188857142857144,69,0,20,0,3,22,19,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261454966500587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686607626847467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369724670955902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466767110471048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073518891503072,0.3449616792015014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600240644312748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alicedel72,2018/02/20,"I don't know if I can keep living Life has truly become too much to handle and it's not because my life is plagued with hardship but because I am utterly incompetent at everything. Every tiny thing that goes wrong puts me in a tailspin. I hate everything about myself, every decision I make is wrong, I am hideous on the outside and the inside. I make the world so much worse and continue to hurt the people around me. I want to be the daughter my mom wanted and deserved but no matter what I do I am miserable and it is impossible to hide now. Everything is falling apart and I just want to die. All i can think about is death and the relief it will be. I don't want to continue being me, I don't want to live. I have nothing to live for but my mom. I don't want to get married, I don't want kids, I have no passions: the usual things that motivate people to keep going aren't there for me. People don't like me, I know I will never have someone fall in love with me. I will always be alone. The reason I haven't committed suicide is my mom, my whole life has been a disappointment to her and it makes me so sad to think of my death being the greatest disappointment. But i know her life would be so much better without me. My mom would never admit it but its true. In death I would be a memory and she could think of the happy times, in life I just bring her more and more pain. I want to die so bad I just don't want it to be a suicide. I wake up every morning wishing to get in a fatal accident. I don't know how much longer I can go through the motions. I'm falling apart. ",2.6455120481927707,3.737313105421688,4.339200000000002,87.60580000000002,74.57228915662652,7.239710843373494,24.725783132530122,7.699297019823105,1.1129762409638553,1229,38,269,16,25,415,142,332,0.279,0.568,0.153,-0.9962,0,1,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,0,2,14,18,1,1,16,0,44,9,1,6,5,61,75,21,8,15,11,5,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,1,12,13,0,2,11,0,0,8,16,11,0,0,1,0,50,7,34,59,9,27,0,5,0,2,12,12,0,1,8,197,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200560027856955,0.0,0.0,0.06588329935030814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048612736350794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611118624224295,0.09653360866392677,0.0874470224874457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002742132939263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321801594794745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435067347387214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013525381874475,0.0,0.21348303132223612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273555474539249,0.0,0.08999853962899962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428755422859009,0.0,0.07817290378134634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476279372533768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407559272985181,0.0,0.0,0.17405890593144913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27963246727031804,0.03868287662010871,0.0,0.20974961346365145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146216971675401,0.0,0.1585578604810439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709341115522094,0.0,0.0,0.23282280235865785,0.0,0.12213550480740633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597441878033248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425207492032585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646783182216786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959679876182686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140923440184249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708813872762981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321802426380775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520606407283906,0.15220418400838198,0.0,0.0,0.04616993157995068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720451983594903,0.0,0.4203166124355129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840056403223871,0.09105198171960044,0.07632576345342378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069020029870146,0.168739542403674,0.1731396883181173,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wiserfromthestorms,2018/02/20,"My heart and soul is broken It has been since I was 11 years old. Being abused physically, mentally and sexually by my dad has left me scarred forever. I was slave for him. The amount of times I got in trouble at school for not doing homework, if only they realised that I wasn’t even allowed 5 minutes to myself to eat, that I was being abused day in, day out. That I stayed awake all night, knowing he’d come in and do disgusting things with me, which left me falling asleep in class the next day. 

From 11 years old to 17 years old, I attempted suicide 6 times. Self-harmed several times and have scars all over my arms. I’m so damaged. 

Now I am 20, been stuck in a relationship for the past 2 years and cannot seem to get out of it. He is 31 years old, no job, no goals or aspirations. He sits at home all day, playing the PS4 and is telling the government that he has social phobia which is why he cannot work. It’s all lies. He will not let me break up with him. He will not leave my house. He refuses to leave me and he thinks that’s caring. That’s love. If he cared about my feelings at all, he would have respected my decision and walked away. I suspect he’s only doing this because the only other place he has to go is his parents house. He does not support me at all, he leaves my house in such a horrible mess whenever I’m at college or at work. I am tired of cleaning up after other people. He wastes so much electricity, gas and water from being home 24/7, that my bills are always high. I’m so tired.

I have been trying so hard to turn my life around, I’m making sure that this does not affect college right now, I am getting the highest grades possible and have even been offered a place at a university to study nursing. I start this September, where I’ll be leaving the city and away from my partner for good. To many, it may not seem that long away, but everyday I’m fading away. I’m losing motivation and dedication. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t want to be here. 

I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do anymore. When will this pain ever end? When will I stop feeling like I am always trapped? Will any of this ever go away? 

Please God, just let me slip away from this life already... I’ve had enough ",2.9229377130461707,4.1330486876355765,4.111282305546951,89.04647722342736,74.05422993492408,7.177465137898978,24.668174775333128,7.658307877764058,1.0250936597458942,1739,53,383,22,35,569,225,461,0.131,0.792,0.076,-0.9738,3,1,0,0,2,3,59.0,0,0,1,6,18,15,1,0,12,0,53,11,3,4,9,59,82,23,1,5,12,2,3,1,1,7,5,0,4,1,25,18,2,3,10,1,1,5,15,6,0,0,11,3,42,9,54,55,9,73,1,2,0,1,29,32,0,7,34,234,67,12,0.0,0.16245370885318572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565251011260299,0.0,0.1140870508976802,0.0,0.0,0.0466199744744707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597692968834654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102877724249318,0.0,0.0,0.3864599288988875,0.0,0.0,0.04179069215409082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397934534536982,0.0,0.0,0.059054345493103365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530480962190976,0.1768500626471146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998646051043585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701492162612433,0.0,0.0,0.060719673053733776,0.0708359806875914,0.0,0.0905602962779288,0.12402443960718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932726823861726,0.04897594062221712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163465960544108,0.0,0.07792314647735189,0.057500957246524334,0.05482995912285095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141210900290332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123839475796282,0.0,0.07243246886955622,0.1375331689753193,0.0,0.0,0.2373109352046085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680305856142015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753524317088671,0.0,0.0,0.29036077853948256,0.14897113075248444,0.14020493701170014,0.09684531236507804,0.03349267080843595,0.0,0.0,0.0606693087141497,0.0,0.07669587719941526,0.0,0.0,0.06187386085800092,0.0,0.04576121434241116,0.0695043432607237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908764708658945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050396054775580436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290936996595641,0.06433453205220903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28774914148536185,0.0,0.0,0.1564182504156878,0.0729477033971996,0.0,0.07612257970206189,0.0,0.06544381857615705,0.04752763309764114,0.0,0.1432514547623876,0.07525316428885692,0.0,0.07728583264111125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736027670599359,0.0,0.05854587625050536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938165278171067,0.0,0.12482039323804675,0.07151815934312496,0.07744800809211147,0.0,0.0567096764487326,0.0,0.0,0.06988352437755511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852381460620332,0.07307085896806187,0.0,0.11463064923147293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498840277224297,0.0777957747516892,0.06461258611392097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059920379105717736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554511425878696,0.0439274865786427,0.0,0.0,0.11992549066411345,0.1575885312135667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654456819326034,0.07456851162107439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087141831582748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061860521179978936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981819177296404,0.0,0.0,0.04869973866037415,0.0,0.0,0.22073692049520932
suicidewatch,random291747,2018/02/20,Who Cares I gonna do it tonight. I wrote out my suicide note already. I've finally accepted that my life is pretty worthless in all ways. I'm one of billions overpopulating the earth and I really don't matter. I know my friends and family will be able to move on. I'm ready to die. ,0.5066585956416461,2.8130258644067823,3.0971428571428596,87.86983050847458,86.96610169491525,6.761259079903147,23.682808716707026,7.957251820313856,1.4922232445520591,222,9,48,5,7,77,47,59,0.187,0.607,0.206,0.0638,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,11,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,7,3,6,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,27,10,0,0.2808090117306073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30987972720314816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863035023989338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914354201509816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647217448975704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30761254651482445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169523458861958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543252890570492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983437094944098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984555393672184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028345374300398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28568371759204314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989344344032007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071594816864024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289312292814414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stoccho,2018/02/20,"Im done Im done.Im sick of it.I really can't take it anymore.
I cry everyday.
I just wanted a simple happy life.
But it won't happen",-4.131160714285713,-3.530996437499997,1.3116071428571452,93.80125000000002,122.75,4.328571428571428,10.821428571428573,6.18269132825596,-0.6453446428571428,102,2,25,2,7,41,23,32,0.213,0.664,0.123,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184105998800164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419141052981329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507468424650876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947501039070611,0.2344406663176797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7136638600325964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555611395038751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108602212826274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655867782962413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989832192851308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadsackthrowaway1221,2018/02/20,"Finally, actually want to be dead I've been suicidal on and off for 25 years. I've had good years and bad, and my family and loved ones were who I lived for when times were bad. About 6 years ago I stopped talking to my mother. Last year my wife and I split up. Last month my dad died. And now the closest thing I have to a girlfriend might move away. 

Now, without someone who will definately be fucked if I'm dead I'm free to really just wish I was dead. I've thought life was a shitty game I'd rather quit since middle school and now I could do it. Not this year but maybe next. I could stop returning calls, stop going out, get all my friends used to the idea of not seeing me, and then drive off to where they wont find the body. 

I used to have a very barren life, and I build one back up out of the rubble. I don't really want to do that again, I'd rather just quit. I'm sick of dependents, of loss, of worry. I don't want to go out and build up connections worth living for again, but living without them seems impossible. 

On my drive home tonight I, for the first time, wanted to tie a noose, just to feel it. Or to have a gun, and see if it fit in my mouth, and how it would be, as last meals go. 

I don't even feel crazy, just tired. ",2.0945488721804537,3.0403704473684243,3.2601578947368424,95.37760526315792,75.72932330827068,6.974135338345865,20.06691729323308,7.365786028017652,0.1008276691729324,953,18,238,11,20,308,144,266,0.17,0.741,0.08900000000000001,-0.9746,0,0,0,1,0,1,35.0,0,0,2,4,17,8,1,0,10,0,23,9,2,4,1,53,45,21,5,12,15,3,2,0,2,4,4,0,1,0,9,15,1,3,6,1,2,6,8,4,0,3,7,4,23,5,37,29,1,50,0,1,2,2,13,16,1,6,28,142,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.09891785141923737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985416858726465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523597903694764,0.07794361209839575,0.16927148152875293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259392967525406,0.0,0.0,0.10350524261126323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618637907903669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052011148583605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695078454170947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555812631164527,0.0,0.10250662132253174,0.0,0.0,0.11104066493020552,0.09264599230969968,0.08622122074345731,0.0,0.0,0.07831453241524447,0.09371053033050968,0.052959153824361525,0.0,0.1728246043257062,0.085020353461285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167759980760216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442901692028515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787859713814045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319453245006955,0.0,0.0,0.2685220901269293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148608600736956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183500726426063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753250025309236,0.0,0.0,0.08090876690719752,0.10773520754896106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780308193077777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737541896927088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562881852228052,0.0,0.0,0.12987433576760693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258703377648112,0.16154994379818424,0.09227910682231978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385037340639738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588643829367723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542376366024455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087711952097412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147353968090029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734256085711927,0.0,0.0,0.08047267737594146,0.1182137723559059,0.11650443111564067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175094042185503,0.0,0.08363693822715948,0.23915137762485494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656502263725525,0.1954249468650263,0.0,0.0,0.10294132086789498,0.0,0.07200695766899583,0.0,0.0,0.32637945351062225
suicidewatch,exce1,2018/02/20,"Please read if you wish First of all I would like to say, if you are reading this, god bless you and I do not ask for your pity, but your time.

Keep in mind I suffer from ADHD, and I can barely control myself and my actions, and have severe mood swings.

For a year now I've had a huge crush on the same person and I've had strong feelings ever since, but my feelings for her only grow stronger day by day. So strong that I can barely keep myself straight. I used to be an A student before I met her and my parents weren't constantly yelling at me, but I really messed up by putting her infront of literally everything in my life. Countless and countless nights I would cry myself to sleep just thinking about her. She knew the feelings I had for her were strong, she said I loved her but she didn't have any feelings back. Personall, I think love does not exist, I don't believe in it after everything I've put on myself in the past year. She never had any feelings back, but I let everyone and especially her know how much she meant to me, but instead she chose my friends and even had relationships with them. Since then, I have attempted suicide three times, but a little part of me tells me to keep going on but, I feel like an idiot for not doing what I could've done three times. Her and I don't talk anymore because we were always constantly fighting, but even still I see her as someone amazing and a beautiful person that no one can match, even though sometimes she's made me feel like the happiest person in the world, to the most miserable person ever.

My parents are very disappointed in me, they see how much she has impacted my life and then proceed to drag me down. It hurts me so much and I care for my parents so much, even though I yell at them, but I never say I hate them. I know all they want is the best for me, but, I don't know if I can give it. I don't know if I can give it my all, I act all happy and smile but it's all fake to hide the fact that there's something wrong in my brain and that I want to just leave this planet. I hate this world, because of myself, I am a very toxic person that does not deserve to be here.

Anyways, thank you to anyone that reads this, you all are good people. God bless.",4.10750363901019,4.612301220524022,4.714655021834062,88.45243377001455,70.63755458515284,7.5040465793304225,26.18369723435226,7.3011,1.0635473653566234,1741,50,379,16,30,557,203,458,0.119,0.6709999999999999,0.21,0.994,3,0,1,0,3,1,46.0,1,7,5,7,24,31,4,1,16,0,35,6,2,5,11,81,72,41,1,9,22,3,7,3,1,2,2,5,0,5,16,17,0,4,15,3,0,6,13,12,0,4,15,14,86,17,43,52,14,49,2,5,2,2,53,19,0,5,27,277,102,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646643316176096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986575104050089,0.0,0.0,0.09785299079757066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713521907694414,0.05030708540742058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726082666830316,0.0,0.0,0.1106457582558202,0.0,0.08771656915036921,0.0,0.061221683230488814,0.0810597444384049,0.07550404301790806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031675830819104,0.0,0.0,0.07335486381409402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549851157228411,0.0806947908114702,0.05744390522841258,0.0,0.07903051134209366,0.092799855361538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592278469167967,0.07362686314208264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900815248871937,0.13016054260391174,0.0,0.06874853759504483,0.1293228292100166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25465030988392684,0.10279804570962477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061198166790493426,0.0,0.0,0.05558615124608194,0.0,0.0,0.1380364290637031,0.04088919514178175,0.06034581425368243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658902615717122,0.0,0.1420657326526323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770208589536077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918496656411421,0.0,0.0,0.15816097905888135,0.0,0.0,0.07618159091324239,0.0,0.07357078465740426,0.10163672938985913,0.10544915710535112,0.07210989571680372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987013410879547,0.06807808594479205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264606152522303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155758834184685,0.0,0.11098007835231297,0.0,0.0,0.06751747983386576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875321719237725,0.05471901186503949,0.0,0.0,0.2396662216691756,0.07791169846872334,0.06868164825355458,0.04987906038730832,0.3141071644161128,0.0,0.07897631085875012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465341551763344,0.0,0.0,0.21589971072548095,0.0,0.0460911547851964,0.0,0.0,0.07724426030880421,0.0,0.0,0.06843816813848584,0.11443044386260524,0.0,0.0,0.1146650478885308,0.0,0.0,0.08127974445028484,0.0,0.11903076975535053,0.0,0.07199905967010525,0.0,0.06096054463641685,0.05538839285493805,0.07115752191359963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745704726514107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869845027923647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782835394130016,0.06288493688933228,0.06623922359040063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922015935957703,0.14137532156690266,0.0,0.12585879836523514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062139194419276525,0.0,0.11872778537203213,0.08487252772498434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273561468721959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221831162921913,0.07866285977095537,0.0,0.09266314747439396
suicidewatch,flyersfan314,2018/02/20,Is there a sub I can go to just find some people to talk to? Just want to talk to someone.,-0.9285714285714306,0.4208773333333369,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,85.19047619047619,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.4603523809523808,68,1,19,0,2,23,15,21,0.0,0.933,0.067,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974238666442098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24712212149367044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014541904843524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684273819947945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6989947079617785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564721442327534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theoawyaya,2018/02/20,"What’s therapy like? I know I need to go to therapy. I’m haunted by past trauma I just can’t fucking get over no matter how much I try. It’s been driving me to suicidal thoughts, not that I would do it (probably). Is it normal to think about hanging yourself and how it would affect everybody when you’re gone? 

Is it normal to burst into tears at sports practices because you think you’re worthless for all the stupid, horrible mistakes you made in your past? 

I know I need to see a therapist so badly, but I feel like I’m letting down my family for wanting to go. Like wow, it’s gotten this bad. I wouldn’t blame them for not wanting a mentally fucked up kid they have to shell out money to keep it from slitting it’s wrists in a bathroom or something. 

I don’t want to talk about what happened in therapy with some stranger I’m paying to listen to me. I don’t want to go, but I’m afraid if I don’t it’s just going to get worse. Has anybody else been in a similar situation? ",1.96843137254902,3.724463294117648,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,77.82352941176471,6.886274509803924,26.03921568627451,7.793537801064563,1.4527274509803925,768,30,163,12,18,258,117,204,0.166,0.727,0.107,-0.8821,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,2,0,8,13,3,1,5,0,15,3,1,4,1,38,46,9,1,13,8,0,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,13,4,0,1,6,1,2,7,8,9,0,0,6,3,20,4,32,36,3,20,0,1,1,2,8,10,2,3,6,102,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993711696946235,0.07663600006852461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502053659102198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851492856144752,0.0,0.06356636202500919,0.08981234804728838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244693541510475,0.1313640309710432,0.0,0.2857917852501245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117124937754312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174316803641277,0.0,0.0,0.13818170180842432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285542905441488,0.0,0.1842571292841664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895659508037534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669330546954805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241656115658983,0.18643532878825408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635220466834784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400224655956525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554433716043227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018028182085864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131132973080218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678319432101576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751414355145153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104667292700402,0.0,0.0,0.4313055087745568,0.1459672861189529,0.0,0.1611089307656486,0.0,0.0998053643209186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853536839757506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29660489932740963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811650328226748,0.17861169475501162,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxtrippx,2018/02/20,"I just want to die... I'm coming down from ecstasy. Been smoking pot non-stop all day. I haven't taken my haldol pills in about two weeks. I'm hallucinating, and just came out of an hour long severe psychotic episode. My boyfriend was no where to be found. Now he doesn't understand why I'm mad at him when he didn't answer me for 3+ hours when I've repeatedly reminded him of why randomly disappearing makes me anxious. Who knows. Maybe I'm just irrational. I am thinking about taking my life tonight. I'm going nowhere in life anyways. I can hear a girl's voice in my head over and over, telling me to come with her. I felt a taste of death earlier during my episode, it was beautiful and I'm going to thirst for it more than ever until I reach it. I am so tired of living in agony. I am never going to be happy. I am too screwed up of a human being, and I should have never even been brought into this earth. So many things would have went better for so many people if I had never existed. This existence is too painful. I want out. Please.",1.8796261682242985,3.854396074766356,3.4708504672897185,89.23618224299067,78.90654205607476,6.709906542056077,22.84953271028037,7.7348632917899725,0.9912362616822432,816,26,175,13,20,270,134,214,0.133,0.773,0.094,-0.8605,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,17,5,2,0,4,0,21,9,2,1,5,32,46,11,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,7,11,2,0,6,0,0,9,7,3,0,1,12,4,23,2,31,29,2,37,0,0,0,1,10,13,1,2,15,113,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485880013004288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123409925885913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567803878379368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361606272597854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840378590461316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226502620644602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053853783006248,0.12399464090494235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161610288662684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029863899728646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337132728737551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459217763791387,0.0,0.0,0.1406812823303763,0.0,0.15449654711070254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26998787379602784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533432717493421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364408769865776,0.0,0.0,0.12104213356911755,0.1213094640344834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091500439070444,0.2779505752654371,0.13771298903713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31716835273435273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586035326947555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950324277645468,0.0,0.0,0.15047016721077378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485880013004288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460310752602695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306538201501424,0.0,0.119811964700405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106834274566514,0.08783386470322986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755066824290884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339050092113631,0.1427027354363014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170397552780216,0.0,0.1099554744309448,0.0,0.0,0.12707241496404498,0.2473826331067741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737607565868896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LenaRGreen,2018/02/20,"I know I need help. But it's hard to care about that right now. Today may be my last on earth. I just created an account here because... it was the only place i could think of that i might actually find people who care. Open it up to the world, you know?

My life is hell. I'm trans, MtF. If anyone in my family new that I would be disowned in a second. I recently lost every single friend I had in a breakup. But the girl (yes, girl. I'm trans AND lesbian. Welcome to hell.) that broke up with me is still my best friend. I can't publicly acknowledge her, though: she won't let me. 
Despite that, she is the most important human being on this planet to me. I call her ""Auri"". ""My little moon fae"". I would die for her in an instant.

She just turned up missing.

on the 13th she slashed her arms 258 times in total. I'm convinced she's dead.
She's the only person i have in this fucking world.

apart from her...
My father was abusive. My mother and I have lived on the poverty line my entire life. I was molested on multiple occasions by my best friend in middle school. I'm alienated by everyone at school. Recently i've started hurting myself. and drinking. My mother no longer buys wine, and i can't possibly describe how much i need a glass right now. I spend every night in the corner of my room behind my closet door curled up in a ball, crying and shaking. My mind is going. I'm beginning to develop some weird version of Multiple Personality Disorder, i think. Whatever it is, they don't like me. I have ample opportunity to kill myself. I don't have enough will to stop myself tonight. if i start, i know i won't stop. I've only stopped myself for her. My Auri. 
If she's gone... then... my world is over.


Please. I know people care. I know SOMEBODY would care. But i'm on the edge. and tipping me over right now wouldn't take much.

Yours,
Lena Rose Green",0.5452817021276601,2.944114592000002,2.4998354609929088,91.35099574468089,88.41333333333333,5.324822695035461,19.71205673758865,6.855684769269737,0.4055758865248227,1432,44,299,20,47,476,189,375,0.153,0.725,0.121,-0.863,0,0,2,0,0,2,74.0,0,2,1,4,10,24,5,1,15,1,32,7,1,1,1,42,61,15,3,10,8,3,1,1,3,9,2,0,3,5,12,8,2,3,9,3,3,3,8,11,0,1,6,2,65,13,40,41,10,57,2,4,1,2,32,35,3,7,20,197,77,2,0.0,0.10936454504759194,0.0900748937525659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454074812729121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056267352305099265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937336414362084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942521860036067,0.0,0.3764382492839742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369682796706188,0.0,0.1013910522860209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579645238508924,0.0,0.10578779921799213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042228235487508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537418204344708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553934691621898,0.08819994267421633,0.0,0.0,0.08701551793958366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843637199369486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394034803751727,0.08533309146841901,0.0,0.0,0.05245820192922816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268579903688593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186908535648656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881279780003256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212013856404174,0.0,0.2536379276978381,0.0752396659800843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438657484618074,0.13039337299920306,0.04509482401172685,0.0925123484942932,0.08150567496622156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076016574952648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791941895496274,0.09320021466891663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570737514416056,0.13688374024826191,0.0,0.08914728824728367,0.0,0.08662057491218167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060289622949466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279832392281013,0.1611916986991073,0.09643750387781308,0.10132151655928336,0.0,0.1040583189523618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227712655802344,0.0,0.0,0.2364800348018737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868321245402697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066577416652328,0.0,0.07371368835313881,0.2315095584497815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940073905743241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828870189966735,0.09068771274233227,0.0,0.053822908768605814,0.0,0.08749291813701436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039969423763574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670925829123656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HangingIntoOblivion,2018/02/20,"I'm going to hang myself in my shed tonight. I can't go on anymore. I'm sick of this world. My hatred for myself is so deep, it permeates every part of my existence. I'm a worthless failure. I've failed at attempts to end my life before. I've been hospitalized, medicated, and I've seen doctors and therapists. Nothing will ever stop the desire I have to end my life. I've wanted to for so long. For at least twenty years I've seen no hope for the future. I've had fleeting moments of happiness within the overwhelming shadow of depression and self doubt. They never last. Everything always crumbles apart eventually leaving me broken. When I think about fading into darkness and oblivion, I feel relief. I even feel hope that I know I have control over something in my life. I'm done. I know I don't belong here. Nothing is right. I know it. I feel it. Everything is wrong. I can't even breathe anymore without feeling my chest tighten as if my body is telling me I shouldn't be breathing. My mind is a wasteland, and my heart struggles to beat anymore. I can't go on. No one understands me, and I have no hope of understanding other people. I don't expect anyone to read any of this. I just want to get my thoughts out while I still can. If you have read any of this, I'm sorry for wasting your time.",1.6210278514588872,4.079258134615387,3.2919363395225467,87.4296153846154,83.03846153846155,5.586206896551722,24.73474801061008,6.953978226594392,1.1465729442970822,1025,41,198,13,29,339,142,260,0.165,0.748,0.08800000000000001,-0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,3,35.0,0,2,1,4,10,12,0,3,5,0,21,11,5,1,2,37,48,13,0,10,4,0,4,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,11,2,0,4,11,7,0,1,6,6,37,5,32,39,2,34,0,4,2,0,5,14,0,6,16,128,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955940644561419,0.0,0.0,0.14638847124509827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202295006496558,0.07525960387683645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158788650316273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955616994356565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071973445115584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927042778294044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016709393291252,0.0,0.11014608598155523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906620544742199,0.0,0.0,0.14218136621770072,0.09736034991325053,0.09068557443035467,0.0,0.19346747719043927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176902267204697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056233880573797614,0.0,0.18351120548672692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457749387029965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754580573114954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207120236546709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745709977547602,0.0877353861210082,0.0,0.11396796909232428,0.0,0.0,0.2280734392959802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525195427793214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842907907945486,0.0,0.0,0.10867880278339707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301332374329254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655382830293176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293501072273338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655621701476525,0.0,0.07461927671015325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532456213317056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191812542400034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122848535474479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286126043434744,0.0,0.12048650385418345,0.0,0.0,0.08595597582501457,0.08998613624304723,0.0,0.11252154223081394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940761207249925,0.0,0.0,0.12497038762618227,0.0,0.06896697905109787,0.0,0.0854487015412013,0.06276175766409399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409981841566076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696964582380582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375451956422116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767995737053735,0.0,0.06931222228862312
suicidewatch,Northern_kid,2018/02/20,"I'm fed up I'm fed up with all this world, it's people, it's shittiness. My plan is for this Sunday and to go with the Sunrise in one of my favorite places. It's been a struggle these last days and getting to it, is going to be a incredible challenged. I almost did it tonight, filled the tub, brought my knife in, ready to go. I don't have any freinds aside from 3 and I had to call twice, if he hadn't picked up the second time, as much as I wouldn't want to hurt my parents and family by dying at home, I'd be gone.

I'm so tired, so sad, so hurt

I'm just done with it all. I wrote my note and it doesn't have any of the contempt in it as I didn't want my parents feeling like I'm angry or whatnot. I just
I just don't know anymore. Help me
because nothings f- working
and I'm so tired and scared and sorry and sad. 

Please.

Cause it's happenening , one way
or another


Edit: nothings fucking worth it anymore, I don't believe or feel I have value worth , matter anything. I'm not contributing, I'm not advancing, I'm dying so might as well just get to the point cause it's not getting better. I'm just dragging this on",0.2735802469135784,2.1823586296296327,2.428783539094649,94.9617925925926,84.10288065843622,5.040263374485598,22.065679012345687,6.152001189255117,0.19055437037037048,869,30,202,7,25,293,122,243,0.156,0.733,0.112,-0.9168,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,5,11,12,2,2,7,0,19,5,0,3,2,39,46,22,2,4,12,2,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,15,12,2,0,3,0,2,7,10,8,1,4,11,2,17,4,27,31,3,24,0,4,0,1,6,11,1,6,6,119,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123233243391609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737877236357646,0.12904587242954008,0.0,0.0,0.24409764073838225,0.0,0.0,0.10127317827134666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502014777814058,0.0,0.0,0.1386537131018615,0.0,0.1088422481944632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566457515298035,0.0,0.0,0.2528462284640985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936766030005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554470299431419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593967609223855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601606877506147,0.0,0.12445216004412955,0.08791867551522492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377292284190567,0.19289137625987846,0.0,0.20982444879761575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248882764511001,0.0,0.1234456541528524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26349029729121143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763408633431905,0.10031555830097814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012403681348275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055402430380994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046797939500566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361710995017944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678598325760124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733013924462103,0.0,0.0,0.0853187605838986,0.0,0.1285782162458867,0.13508997374120088,0.11633754611401588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321095619957773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377627823418357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865574346709766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176101956559024,0.2828934935126369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517552690228214,0.097684396456081,0.0,0.0,0.11065149186371134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959381996047554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jasperisliza,2018/02/20,"Can someone talk please New here because i feel no where else to go. When someone says they have no one, that is me x100. Well death follows me. My best friend died in 2016, 2 friends died in 2017. The pain has made me push my remaining friend and family all out of my life because i am very introverted with my emotions. Now i am alone. Completely alone. Ironically years ago i imagined myself as being ok with being completely alone (because i am very introverted) but I take that back. I have so much pain brewing deep in me and sometimes it just hits like a train. All at once just throws me into a deep depression with this weird feeling like i am completely detached or already dead. No one has helped me with the grieving. I never had shoulder to cry on or anything so that has made me very cold and bitter and everything is just internalizing in me.
 I wish that i had died with one of my friends and at this point i feel like that is the thing that would make me happiest is to die. No one would even be at my funeral. I am not kidding about that.  The line ""think about loved one"" doesnt work because i have none. This realization is so hard my chest hurts just wondering if anyone wants to talk I think I need that or i will do nature a favor and just rid myself",2.649367588932805,4.703480023715418,3.4849802371541507,89.66920948616604,76.82608695652175,6.771541501976285,24.43873517786561,7.7425588080867325,1.1402079051383402,998,34,210,15,23,317,135,253,0.243,0.605,0.152,-0.9813,0,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,18,19,1,0,7,1,27,6,2,3,3,42,44,16,8,6,11,0,4,3,4,3,3,1,0,1,13,13,0,0,7,0,0,4,8,7,1,5,4,7,36,12,24,33,5,25,0,3,0,1,11,14,0,5,10,149,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023623428062783,0.0,0.0,0.2812392455755677,0.0998857377209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329030943388489,0.0,0.0744862701490113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960057634868201,0.0,0.22070882298368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094990083552085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284710291811629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942666081826823,0.0,0.0,0.07796058080865988,0.0,0.3757618118812582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561380747753449,0.10181738000337512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978441421494397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813491957572251,0.0,0.08532964391866511,0.0,0.13730156451944475,0.12932810695491226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797271743422701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144185539804979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108381075024533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067040854377239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689835848288668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393353938949681,0.13266341567376067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169347227531262,0.17129527939127812,0.06041957691545916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653906264298752,0.06711584950714783,0.06981087696722939,0.08742011244174769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963956988890212,0.3066770989626651,0.0,0.1926290392223439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935847230497044,0.08556609001747308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198129390788356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338641473862316,0.0,0.08952181475009209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805614092390512,0.14550532535749874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013425503727926,0.11599692849852195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240534771714497,0.053388190735433584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138400567688564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408797513012764,0.0,0.09815983762485188,0.06589611969496177,0.0,0.0,0.1285987554323367,0.0,0.0,0.05828879996998426
suicidewatch,InsanityEdge,2018/02/20,whatever the worst birthday ever. i hope i die in my sleep. i just want my sarah back,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,1.1722222222222245,97.345,102.33333333333334,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.08068888888888859,66,2,15,1,3,22,15,18,0.345,0.474,0.181,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350153067093959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726043871671809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119101710342901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522872833895108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557010041556145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859028636425003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-SteppingStones,2018/02/20,I'm on the edge I'm so afraid. I can't stop the thoughts. I could do it. I could hang myself right here in my room,-3.995357142857145,-2.8147098214285697,-1.1845714285714273,113.52957142857146,111.5,2.24,9.17142857142857,3.1291,-2.62868,87,1,27,0,5,29,21,28,0.0,0.907,0.093,0.285,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7438483030521007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978128535638256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894513892108035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698138058911425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paperinferno,2018/02/20,"here I am I’ve had depression since I was 12. I’m 17 now. Things ebb and flow and seem to get better and then get substantially worse again. I self harm a lot. My body is covered in burn scars. When I don’t have access to anything to hurt myself with, I pull out my hair. I feel so lost. I was sexually abused when I was in middle school and I was made to think that I am worthless. Wouldn’t it be worth it to just end it all? ",-0.3452127659574451,1.5059883085106414,1.7589787234042582,99.19400000000002,86.12765957446808,5.036595744680851,15.782978723404256,6.2581,-0.7800221276595742,327,6,84,3,10,109,65,94,0.237,0.7140000000000001,0.049,-0.9606,0,0,0,0,1,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,1,0,12,2,2,1,1,14,20,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,7,2,13,1,9,11,2,12,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,54,18,1,0.0,0.29219441358291337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294032983081056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181079149005125,0.0,0.2739298871914913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240620521688186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842467477201025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469423216797712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25768875950428016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640028127498093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692056875552129,0.2096603589642956,0.0,0.233349853795762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24958409987778746,0.0,0.22450593380013492,0.2572696773414903,0.0,0.0,0.20399965961244015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383778550035938,0.15801875219257078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131828369449866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darknet_Retard,2018/02/20,"Rambling I have struggled with depression and anxiety for my entire life as a teenager and young adult. For many years, my parents did not accept depression, anxiety, or ADHD as an excuse to ""do poorly"" in life. 



At this point I have been dealing with depression for about 8 years with no medical treatment or therapy. Feeling backed into a corner by a family that didn't believe or understand this condition, I have self medicated my entire life. Drug abuse has heavily impacted my life causing me to drop out of multiple colleges and has strained my personal relationships with many people including my father. 



I wasn't always a bad person, but for awhile now I have been unable to help myself or anyone around me for the fact that I'm consumed by my own intent to feel better. I feel that I have become selfish and greedy, only thinking about getting high or wasting money on things I don't need because for some reason fast-food and video-games take the pain away.



Fortunately I still have a few loving friends around that genuinely care about my well-being, but I know it is hard for them to love someone who seemingly refuses to get better. 



It's been about two years since I have been sure that my death will come at a young age by suicide. While I don't want this to happen, I feel weak and empty to the point of being beyond escaping it. Most of the time, I don't even want to get better because I simply can't bring myself to go through the torture of eating healthy, getting clean, and working. I know I need medication and therapy but I am too anxious and numb to get help.



I'm not sure what this is--maybe an open letter to people who know me best--some kind of explanation for my actions. I am truly sorry for what I have allowed myself to turn into and regret the bad things I've done during the last years I've spent alive. Somewhere deep inside me is an amazing person but it has been a long time since I've seen him. I like to imagine myself dying a hero somehow, sacrificing my life for someone better. I wonder who I could've been if I had greater will-power or my parents had understood my condition when I was younger. 



Anyway, I wish anyone reading this a happy and full life. A life you never imagined you could have. I love everyone. ",8.321329410482731,6.9291723501144205,8.322052958483166,72.46161708619375,62.34096109839817,10.978271766372456,36.14133158984418,9.842372674337009,3.452544600632015,1795,67,324,29,21,585,219,437,0.147,0.645,0.209,0.9912,4,0,1,0,1,1,43.0,0,2,1,6,15,30,1,2,20,0,37,18,0,4,4,69,73,26,3,8,13,3,5,1,1,1,14,0,1,5,21,22,1,1,16,1,3,4,10,13,0,1,16,6,52,17,54,54,6,40,0,4,1,3,26,18,0,12,18,226,73,3,0.0,0.08615026946959857,0.0,0.0,0.08738411099023552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605011128844672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124694676500167,0.08214237537720842,0.0,0.10168200014942698,0.0,0.0,0.12945584663979284,0.0,0.0,0.06831408005162774,0.05591002696929365,0.12142076614896395,0.08864751481050255,0.0803032366486781,0.0,0.0819200404808446,0.07630537578605984,0.2572267609325741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413338710540444,0.07469390039338855,0.0,0.06263381505410133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610712750927002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496152133012403,0.1878768138521245,0.0,0.07546220928926843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440827319237601,0.0,0.0,0.08432130802252702,0.07440118082436438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802472028903301,0.0,0.0,0.06947817343619253,0.0,0.0,0.06854516073074346,0.0,0.14705882389538066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879220463510325,0.0,0.05617609322360441,0.0,0.18994165390058732,0.0,0.04132315669696219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429781673681992,0.0774018739715064,0.06513449002358965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747287611317637,0.07682282855234683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571698719435829,0.11987966928059073,0.0592689111097763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595039393813579,0.03552276689491824,0.0,0.0,0.06434666627379701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687269033144134,0.0,0.0,0.14743444008730378,0.07304765392929763,0.0,0.0,0.21974509033828596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782810007816113,0.05607896110563956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055299750796303636,0.07736929306472842,0.0,0.16147321720996274,0.0,0.0,0.10081686475534604,0.19046449111749225,0.0,0.0,0.1374701949756058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273035941974684,0.0,0.0,0.0747586919439985,0.0,0.07806406219573643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619307486834343,0.07585309985071577,0.0,0.0,0.12029405649352785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232150512920584,0.0,0.0,0.08139365656876482,0.0,0.0,0.05806684526925436,0.0,0.0,0.07601299292414188,0.0,0.07953368564532885,0.0,0.1370579162307079,0.0,0.05466938456686557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630200533585834,0.0,0.09661149367698683,0.04659006965845621,0.0,0.0,0.08479636781801997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908834357125206,0.07102777189473046,0.07569438515421545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577328925858553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537563610778903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361369692615776,0.0,0.07885163394930536,0.05293424311402101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729318343590384
suicidewatch,novalinnhe,2018/02/21,"Hello :) just thinking through things. Hello. I'm posting here because I have called suicide hotlines many times before, so I am used to the scripts that each one uses. Maybe to talk it over with people who are actually in the same boat, may be more helpful.

I have attempted suicide before, but have failed because I was too little to understand how this-and-that was supposed to work, or with my most recent attempt simply ""lucked out"". And then last year, I made a resolution to continue living no matter the odds. I have tried very hard to honour this.

Unfortunately I just feel that perhaps things just have a tendency not to work out well for me, and maybe that's just the way of things. I thought I had escaped homelessness, but I am facing it again now. I thought I had found a job where employees were not being abused, but I ended up getting fired due to another emotionally abusive boss. I thought I would escape bullying with adulthood but I am still very much alone in the city I live in, and the bullying still happens.

I completely understand that the world doesn't owe me anything, but it's always nice to imagine that perhaps one day, somebody could stand in my corner with me just once. They wouldn't have to fight for me; just to be there, maybe. But I now feel the amount of sadness and melodrama in my life outweighs that hope of finding a kind soul one day. I don't feel sad or anything. Just sure in my belief.

After getting fired today, I went to an art gallery. I ended up spending a lot of time watching a beautiful video shot in Asia, showing everyday life for the inhabitants of the artist's city. The room is peaceful and dark, nobody really visits it so I won't frighten many people, and I feel I could die at peace there. Anything I choose will be selfish, save maybe walking way out to a field to die - but even that may be owned by somebody who would need to take care of it. So perhaps it doesn't matter if I choose to die in the only place I have found peace, recently. Perhaps I can have that one thing.

I will think things over this evening, and decide resolutely tomorrow. I hope to spend my final night helping others here. I am sorry if this post breaks forum rules.",5.712582135076254,6.378500303529414,5.73618300653595,81.97297167755994,67.14117647058822,8.461002178649236,31.270152505446625,8.401726058763845,2.256051851851852,1739,66,333,23,27,547,216,425,0.149,0.682,0.168,0.6533,3,1,0,0,2,2,52.0,0,0,1,6,25,15,1,0,20,0,38,3,1,5,1,77,65,23,5,10,20,0,7,0,0,8,2,0,1,0,25,15,0,0,19,4,3,3,8,5,1,4,12,8,42,10,49,38,8,55,2,3,1,0,11,22,0,11,24,232,67,5,0.0,0.18403514325116024,0.07578756884999954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043511055113982,0.0,0.0,0.06462156790163442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814360873728642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917292953031748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468489296349382,0.0,0.13217043438592715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793022754557268,0.0,0.07918227417995093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142783824515112,0.0,0.0,0.12401465471439806,0.0,0.0,0.10017200235992073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418047891568177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736005744687253,0.13757215895521702,0.0,0.0,0.10259093015498924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707433005467314,0.0,0.0,0.08507566549217473,0.07098227893254039,0.0,0.0,0.17030623141608464,0.0,0.0,0.08115108565572722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867684794690772,0.0,0.06957050323744299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411130939596927,0.0,0.0,0.15427312168901958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706822243304158,0.0,0.0,0.08087372605246082,0.0,0.06330544648079779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971088970592613,0.0,0.07783840412009004,0.13715513159830373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602602993492025,0.0,0.07348630188433489,0.0,0.15747552775326204,0.31209038666520844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709100287946665,0.0575858902315668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288116045983684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270821535868596,0.21050495687184664,0.05906596475094358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076830418616995,0.0,0.08114096681522487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487587514205555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049752698944698484,0.0,0.15336504661047978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693700750207396,0.0,0.0,0.1240430268304763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990072487464547,0.0,0.07319615307797996,0.0,0.05839266715100822,0.062422317199851335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579781553211965,0.09952621386403508,0.0,0.184966469338017,0.09057146190398384,0.0,0.07361513603792022,0.0,0.0,0.052727859126634434,0.0,0.0,0.16169916938078085,0.0,0.13415123344235735,0.0,0.12815968247084833,0.0,0.12329003469841968,0.0,0.0,0.0698280726822243,0.07199407876826516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307870624616387,0.0,0.0,0.11033867363109164,0.0,0.0,0.0500122171059429
suicidewatch,alonelylad,2018/02/21,"ending my life in exactly 10 minutes. Hi. My name is AJ, I'm from the UK. I'm just going to end my life tonight.

I'm going to hang myself in a local park. 100% instant death though. I've had enough. Life is a game, some win, some lose. I've lost.",-2.9229090909090907,-1.5095351999999984,0.285909090909092,102.80886363636364,110.0909090909091,2.927272727272728,12.772727272727273,4.935628992294339,-1.454672727272727,184,4,47,1,10,64,38,55,0.157,0.7759999999999999,0.067,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,9,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,5,7,3,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839815181787157,0.2823080539689313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105530780773213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789475504767256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056619479173793,0.29825059256998576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684360814913046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MonnySoore,2018/02/21,"Counting down the days. I am losing my girlfriend of 3 years and have lost all desire to live. She is the only 'family' that I have and have zero reason to live without her. It was a good run. 
",0.879249999999999,2.848920425000003,3.0599999999999987,90.935,82.25,5.0,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.2807500000000003,147,3,31,1,4,50,33,40,0.115,0.753,0.132,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,1,5,5,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855634843342607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902407213276755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582341206195258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5437252217683781,0.0,0.0,0.34443761203525497,0.3360860669535265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234155692236361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165506717618323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967841654750801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826384561898075
suicidewatch,sadfa32413cszds,2018/02/21,"Neighbour just attempted suicide. Looking for advice on how to talk to my kids (9,7) about it. My neighbour just attemped suicide. He was taken to hospital in ambulance and then shortly after his wife was taken in as well.  My wife was next door trying to help out.  It's guaranteed that my kids will find out what has taken place and will have questions.   The younger one seems pretty chill about everything and may not care.  The older one however has been asking a lot of questions about death lately ( how long will her cat live, will mom's illness kill her,....)    

I'm looking for any advice on how to approach the subject with them.   Should I bring it up intentionally or wait for questions? Any advice on how to answer things?    I know no details about the actual event and wouldn't be sharing anything like that anyways.  
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suicidewatch,EdmanMcCactuspants,2018/02/21,"I want to help a friend. Theres someone who I'm friends with at school. She always makes the jokes about being depressed (in the way that you use jokes to deal with it) and she just kinda flashed off some cuts on her arm to me when people werent looking today. Not gouging hunks of flesh, just a little row of slits. I don't believe she's planning anything, but is there anyway I can help? I know she's going through alot and I don't want to report her, my school will only make it worse. Is there anything I should say? Please let me know.",1.4495698051948054,3.5002396875000024,2.077337662337662,98.30402597402599,80.69642857142857,4.072727272727273,20.003246753246753,3.1291,-0.6432250000000002,423,11,94,0,11,130,79,112,0.071,0.763,0.166,0.7622,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,8,6,1,0,5,0,9,2,2,3,0,19,19,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,16,4,14,15,2,9,0,1,1,0,14,5,0,3,2,60,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412975996681968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048640593046583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869560201141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096840931542475,0.1595420141425377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862230908367557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527291018491733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483172669449604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035998322477457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894146015498049,0.0,0.0,0.1856534115899461,0.0,0.0,0.1555501429543283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472906408532446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408790170973445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841812674604694,0.0,0.0,0.2033316148909413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730573440486827,0.0,0.3749339615742047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694840453769596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755804387897318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998294440330635,0.0,0.0,0.21851195547816907,0.14703034970687914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876955656980604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SevenSqueakyShoes,2018/02/21,"Why does everything have to take so much effort? Life is hard. Everyone knows this, people say it all the time. I'm 19, I have barely experienced it yet and I damn well know it's hard.

Life is pain and struggle and suffering and hard work. I just don't have what it takes. Everything is a chore. I can barely do the basic minimum of staying alive. I am genuinely angry that I have to eat several times a day, every day. I have to get out of bed every day, brush my teeth every day, shower every day, go to school and just sit there hating myself every day. I get home and kill time watching my stupid shows and I go to bed every day. Sleep is the one thing I like and still I stay up way too late cause I know I'm just gonna wake up in what feels like two seconds and have to do everything all over again. 

I've never had a job, dread the future of it every day. Never driven a car, terrified of 'em. Haven't studied at all in like a year and barely the year before that because I don't give a shit about computers or how they work, so I probably won't be able to graduate this summer. I'm just a lazy pathetic asshole who's pissed off that I have to do things.

I don't see the point. I don't want life. I don't want to join the rat race. Work to survive so I can work. Why? I wish I was never born so I wouldn't have to overcome every hardwired survival instinct in my body and experience death just to escape this trap that is existence.

I feel like I'm nearing the end of a rope though, so to speak. Maybe I'll soon find that courage. I don't see any other way.",0.9441159909909906,2.7918270930930937,2.890659722222221,92.87265625000002,81.37237237237238,6.084421921921924,19.41525900900901,7.1686216300943375,0.2430331081081074,1214,30,277,16,32,407,165,333,0.155,0.753,0.092,-0.9638,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,8,20,16,6,2,16,0,31,11,6,2,6,36,55,19,2,4,6,0,5,4,0,3,4,2,5,0,19,12,1,0,6,1,0,4,12,10,1,3,3,12,29,6,29,48,4,45,0,1,3,0,5,11,3,1,29,165,48,8,0.07606613103927402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517275775254844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046369207461238716,0.0,0.06472667497914393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449232370288669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814086995746879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924508938105444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656598387308008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783464198360937,0.0,0.0,0.06737201447695003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5127119688473508,0.07268444795045853,0.20509000141696807,0.07440727210259199,0.0,0.0,0.07692264276993348,0.108683318426378,0.0,0.0,0.0695230657157418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948282790848116,0.0729695641138339,0.08646027042859424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442093750120485,0.07509955638153291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630053148562077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548389785991333,0.0,0.08415590386003224,0.0,0.12541186895400308,0.0,0.08580590901975876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118327368736307,0.14864827750839898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641865261186262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591735859507874,0.0,0.1760006687571615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154437899915641,0.0,0.08093972648678774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273467764353432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190708057847996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201215465797174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060490840473375274,0.0,0.07698298558866652,0.12122971624623274,0.0,0.0,0.08593307671098899,0.07808079041213978,0.0,0.0,0.07612106508940368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621527495341715,0.06074651050659138,0.0,0.0,0.07952083588995593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438452798944793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010699150004284,0.0,0.0747345875372447,0.0,0.13306431814986774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743055571842404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973154978492383,0.1207555084640272,0.0,0.0,0.06839258697940104,0.0,0.13727570386622615,0.0,0.08747229671712818,0.0,0.0,0.22150819735935898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796818892644636
suicidewatch,acrsita,2018/02/21,"ending it so, nobody's really going to see this. but in case anyone looks, i've made the decision to end my life soon.

i doubt i'll leave a note or anything.

as far as funeral songs go,

transatlanticism by death cab for cutie and my life in rewind by eagulls

trash, isn't it? my trash. meant a lot to me. i know someone'll find this after i'm gone, so there are the songs. 

i want those tulips i liked. the orange and red ones. i always used to go to the lil memorial garden in town to pick them, sometimes i'd leave the house when i was ill just for that. they look like they're on fire, and there's just something about that, you know? i love those damn flowers. whatever.",1.6040675152185957,3.5132073812949685,2.587194244604316,95.55784726065303,79.50359712230215,6.003541781959047,18.605976757055885,7.010146845296331,-0.025087880464859325,522,11,119,6,13,165,95,139,0.166,0.7190000000000001,0.115,-0.7724,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,2,0,9,5,1,1,7,0,3,4,0,3,0,18,18,10,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,8,3,0,0,5,3,0,4,1,2,0,1,4,7,14,3,18,14,1,15,0,0,4,1,4,6,1,3,7,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568682953514743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182139361492706,0.0,0.1551404002294811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339552221322865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230886618628224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214301113091701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753308303263985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072173383350856,0.0,0.0,0.3992425083129372,0.0,0.0,0.26632223278548706,0.1842080458789128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316627830630198,0.0,0.0,0.16027761475057606,0.17015159920846498,0.1783873601740308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774973905688464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077424497762072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023039288774706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451361190396454,0.18645651261386328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282547756681745,0.0,0.0,0.1111972080445618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rrusalka,2018/02/21,"My classmate is suicidal So, my classmate told me several times that she wants to kill herself. She doesn’t want me to tell her parents, she said that if I say something to them or the teachers she’ll kill herself sooner. 
She even sends me pictures after she cuts herself. I already offered to pay for her psychiatrist and medications. (I have a job, and she doesn’t, we r still in high school and she really doesn’t want her parents to know cause “it will make her feel worse”) and she agreed, but she also said that the psychiatrist won’t help her cause she doesn’t tell him about her suicide attempts. 
I feel really hopeless. 
I suffer from depression and anxiety and I started to feel better but it really affects my well being. 
I just don’t know what to do and I’m the only person who knows about that and it makes me feel responsible. 
I don’t really know what should I do, should I tell someone? ",2.4863276836158192,4.909041050847456,3.645,86.44399717514128,79.16949152542372,6.6451977401129945,24.522598870056505,7.793537801064563,1.4182293785310731,714,26,139,12,18,231,92,177,0.179,0.731,0.09,-0.9636,3,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,1,2,8,8,3,0,4,0,16,1,0,5,0,32,34,14,4,6,5,2,4,0,0,5,1,3,0,1,10,9,0,0,8,0,1,1,7,6,1,0,3,7,40,2,13,25,0,7,0,3,0,0,37,2,0,2,4,100,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429311558209228,0.09731919892800074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309610408935264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762906311905908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25002793615726554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048154574243462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037819443861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612996535612255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156938490805965,0.12857712056503404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076320116024028,0.0,0.2692742859021877,0.0,0.26752087421313003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246429993440634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259459636509727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255429485400617,0.0,0.0,0.2702551013606889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625910856295656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31184293610215946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151903432687826,0.09677650126117388,0.0,0.12316152236617807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748035969772907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311151518334637,0.09368651715475863,0.0,0.0,0.08613612732341193,0.0,0.09718553593647936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662284761158686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31909956662335803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096115187287948,0.0,0.0,0.11628449057244165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533604194381986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094181404700465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401728488884488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoatChease,2018/02/21,"I got accepted into college but they completely fucked me over I got accepted into college earlier this year, unfortunately communications 12 does not count as an alternative for English 12, which means I have to drop out of comm 12 and try to finish English 12 in the 4 months I have before graduation.

Thing is, the college already took a $500 deposit and when I tried contacting them to ask some questions everyone I talked to was extremely rude and talked down to me.

We'll see how things go the next few weeks but I'm not hopeful.",8.672058823529412,7.594091892156864,8.90913725490196,67.52311764705885,61.45098039215686,12.473725490196081,40.007843137254895,11.602472056035307,4.665193725490196,431,20,78,11,5,143,74,102,0.187,0.774,0.039,-0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,2,0,2,5,2,0,5,0,5,1,0,1,0,17,15,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,4,1,11,3,14,10,2,15,0,0,1,1,8,6,1,3,6,49,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269292031544488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224593680171528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749847634681191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560995968951968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799572270135419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964981352204478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901111592336896,0.0,0.0,0.11687013101794645,0.0,0.32893869388391284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424723451703947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400259051512927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641401389432522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187008098507376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303642178085546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638687081445907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33057179424722866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732365778991661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284739584485309,0.2792325530387098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495225810080255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242562183379553
suicidewatch,Grandmasterpk,2018/02/21,"Bad teeth making want to end it I need to vent. I'm so embarrassed by my teeth that Im scared to vent to anyone else besides reddit strangers. First off I had never been to a dentist. My parents were young drug addicts who barely cared for their own teeth how could I expect them to care for mine. 2 years ago I finally got dental insurance and being the ignorant ass I am I assumed this meant I could finally get what I dreamed of as a kid, nice teeth! went to the dentist and he informed me of how horrible my teeth were and made up a plan on how much it would cost. Over $6000. I make about 800 a month which is barely enough for my bills. I'm in constant pain, I feel like I've just been going through the motion of life.  suicide in the back of my mind constantly just because of the pain. I've probably eaten enough asprin in the past year to last a lifetime. I was hoping to get a decent tax return so I could pay for at least one root canal but it wasn't much. I was able to get one of the teeth extracted. I have 7 others that give me a hard time and it seems never ending. I don't want to die yet, but I also don't want this pain. I'm waiting to the time I'm desperate enough to stand on the side of the road and pan handle. ",1.2329545454545432,2.9352639621212155,2.868939393939397,94.08590909090911,79.83333333333334,5.915151515151516,20.46969696969697,6.816661863887847,0.18798787878787807,962,25,221,10,24,317,150,264,0.118,0.812,0.07,-0.9077,1,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,2,2,11,12,0,2,17,0,18,16,7,7,2,36,44,14,2,10,4,1,2,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,12,5,1,2,5,1,4,3,5,7,0,3,13,2,26,5,37,26,7,36,0,0,0,1,8,11,1,3,22,139,38,2,0.10688468724904572,0.0,0.0,0.11652008587384875,0.0,0.0,0.09474682619328223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547564577668798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473625851729616,0.10951599313461176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218772689651263,0.08924424927658417,0.06515591327921863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795212428277627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310087508708421,0.0,0.25601617644661484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092943044867623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395230356655512,0.0,0.08928844105307139,0.0,0.1893362156933941,0.331321362018455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054044109398632016,0.0763584419272886,0.0,0.2341739007981832,0.0,0.0909160603719705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675285127545409,0.10253353144751666,0.060745030922216926,0.0,0.08548544849506336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957476854830078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616061151338704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545380373338833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871252858171447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549581555973564,0.05221845923579072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113687543866716,0.14269271742387316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792306472224326,0.0,0.08531433762279045,0.0,0.15714508687557333,0.07925364126421293,0.16487212007684307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485566055480278,0.0,0.3411985294912737,0.0,0.11868279624012985,0.0,0.10203352823366924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523977072939005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701021812074422,0.0,0.0,0.09730380496342217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169144997637256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246506413576088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913007347873048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908317591172423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592781515022938,0.0,0.0,0.1376604684725211
suicidewatch,14Track,2018/02/21,"Why shouldn't I die So I came with some of my own reasons:
I've been depressed for three years, mostly just laying in bed doing nothing. I've been in a mental hospital 4 times, I haven't even finished high school, all I did was leech of my parents. I'm a pedophille, i have aspergers syndrome(diagnosed i didn't make it up), psychosis and depression. Everyday I take 6 kinds of medication and none of them help. I've though about cannibalism(eating people), I've hit my mother couple of times, I tortured a girl who had a history of depression, every body pretty much hates me, i'm the lowest form of a human being. I cannot concetrate enough to even read a book, my memory is completely shot and all connections lost. I m also a necrophille and have a bunch of other pariphillias, i'm all horrible traits combined in one human being. There is not a single redeeming quality that I have, I've stolen money from my mom and other people, i've leeched of of governemnt programs in my country and I have one failed suicide attempt. Also I like Adolph Hitler, I think he's really inspiring, I watch his speeches and read his autobiography, so i'm practically a neo nazi.
So based on what i've written, if you can philosophically, morally&ethically explain and argument why I SHOULD kill my self, then its your lucky day, you iwll cause a death of a person. Good luck everyone.
Or save me, say I can change",5.6628772802653415,6.74062278358209,6.595771144278611,74.29292703150917,67.43283582089552,9.686898839137648,30.560530679933663,9.861636050157227,2.9629669983416247,1118,42,204,25,18,372,164,268,0.184,0.727,0.08800000000000001,-0.9801,2,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,3,1,3,11,15,3,0,13,0,21,2,1,3,3,30,34,17,4,3,4,3,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,5,7,10,0,0,4,3,1,1,6,8,0,3,9,3,32,7,22,20,12,15,0,5,1,0,19,7,0,6,8,132,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067018059983119,0.0,0.14002839916331308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355334038160678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781287162640966,0.0,0.13276215413562056,0.13671576957166542,0.0,0.13550269403173038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299844950217686,0.0,0.08334727090173237,0.0,0.33393530646784697,0.13117298789073562,0.13412775887069742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335365242983111,0.0,0.17071983880217928,0.0,0.10888787370862796,0.12349163616060985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839799068203924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759493060761373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662493814371221,0.13654614569175436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298175955513745,0.13458060526548665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313874398028213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107761695700927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862668018659345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019283324068084,0.13024065135174442,0.0,0.0,0.151360989339361,0.0,0.0,0.09500417623578103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400653197359525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751488764646591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350256205057632,0.0,0.0,0.17919353612044056,0.1128448953838148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148064420796493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25854424890839384,0.0,0.08279262826626403,0.1328773156920992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277456971096698,0.0,0.13079489650045698,0.0,0.0,0.1348225341160082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413644672055948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971702538244764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280994802264678,0.12697484472955192,0.0,0.15071844414478067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332328545316093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322448806699836
suicidewatch,boombaboombayah,2018/02/21,"Been contemplating about if everyday Hi. It’ll be my first time posting here and mustering up the courage to do so in the hopes of someone being able to listen. I’m 24 and I’ve been having suicidal thoughts everyday. My day to day life seems normal. I have a boyfriend, friends I talk to and the like but at the end of the day I still feel so empty. Family hasn’t been home, my parents argue non-stop, grad school as a Masters student has stagnated, I feel unmotivated to go to work everyday, burnt out from work, the inequity in salaries-prices of goods is real. I put on this facade every morning, and have some good days but I always contemplate how, where, and when I should take my life, especially in the last month or so. I haven’t really sought professional help nor do I know if I am depressed or not. Should I? Was it worthwhile in doing so? 

Okay, I’m rambling. Thanks for reading, I guess.",2.273446327683615,4.643285073446325,3.578333333333333,86.92196327683618,79.62146892655367,6.871186440677969,25.08757062146893,7.984000788550335,1.5454045197740114,706,27,142,13,18,230,116,177,0.08900000000000001,0.769,0.142,0.8327,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,10,10,1,0,9,1,20,2,0,1,0,26,33,19,1,6,7,1,2,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,5,3,16,8,21,23,1,26,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,8,15,92,19,7,0.15518147640626126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912341969889518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003168577552145,0.0,0.13365757823906796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137444727793492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074708679447164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462912851581004,0.0,0.15692883430532925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199728455667187,0.0,0.0,0.11989282372718145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819320920020543,0.26031771974858403,0.0,0.0,0.17094989157584292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401487254998387,0.0,0.15565967355967758,0.15413022065970464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528368108666944,0.12649361506685533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921853209444025,0.07581383085295522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386437394983407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520448987309579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231066505956635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486209582750946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560002451996782,0.0,0.0,0.1552234707176522,0.17663049369909234,0.09941322743465343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705193886676244,0.0,0.14127138791160712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148476137610027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392812751412526,0.12973866284217606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974334821563886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116677157684483,0.12472899256550082,0.0,0.14287025418600174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231967583274496,0.0904875668288668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594792605244415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGalaxyBoi,2018/02/21,"I want to kill myself. Here's why. TW: Suicide, self-harm, depression, anxiety, mentions of sexual abuse.

Well, I tried. I've tried so hard to stay alive and be a good happy person but today after losing my closest friend and being told everything wrong with me, I give up. I'd say this all started last november. My boyfriend had ghosted me completely and that gave me major trust issues but that isn't even an issue at this point. It started around that time, my mental health going down. My mental health got far worse, I was hugely depressed and had more panic attacks than ever. 2018 started and I thought it was all going to get better but it's the 21st of February 2018 and it's just gotten worse. So I guess I'm going to start with how I excessively vented to my friends about everything, I did this for a while and it helped because they're really amazing. As it turns out, talking about all my issues just made them uncomfortable and they told me a few weeks into 2018 (or something like that). Fast forward to mid-late January. I almost killed myself and started self-harming with deep scratching and this, this was a huge mistake. As a desperate cry for help, I showed them to my friends which looking back, knowing they struggled with self-harm previously in life was such a massive and stupid god-awful oblivious mistake (Although that was why they reported me to pastoral and I started getting counselling so god bless them for that). I was so desperate for anything just any attention about how rough it really was. Fast forward to mid-early February, my mental health was just declining and my closest friend and I got into an argument. (They tried to kill themselves last year and I knew that but I forgot where). I went up there when I was with them and a few others and that obviously triggered them massively, they shouted at me after I asked if they were ok because they looked troubled and they stormed off. I talked about the person and what happened to my friends and thought it'd cool off eventually. I kept on talking about them to friends (keep that in mind) because I needed to vent about it. My mental health kept getting worse, I constantly cried myself to sleep and thought of suicide. Anyway shit happened but today, holy fuck. So today that best friend who I made that mistake with and talked about dmed me. I thought it would be good but no, they told me to stop talking about them behind their back and that they don't like how I act and they never want to be my friend again. At this point, I start violently sobbing. Slightly before that (i mean about 20 minutes) I asked my friend to jokingly drag me after I thought that person I made the mistake with indirectly shaded me on their story. They gave me a full proper read of everything wrong about me, not what I asked for but fucking hell that was something. It mentioned how I misuse help I get, how I accidentally trigger people (Walking into roads after talking about depression, talking about suicide to people who've experienced it, talking about the book Lolita infront of someone who, I forgot this btw, experienced sexual abuse etc) and my heart just fucking sunk. I always thought I was a nice person who helped, but this made me realise how terrible and pathetic I really am. I feel just so horrible and feel like I'm better off dead and shit I cannot stop crying. 
And that, ladies and gentlemen and inbetween, is why I'm probably going to kill myself. I've made too many mistakes, I'm unintenionally horrible, and I've just lost one of my closest friends because of it.

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suicidewatch,ConfusedChristianity,2018/02/21,"I'm not depressed Almost a year ago, I took an attempt on my life. I took too many medications and I was in the hospital for about two weeks after detoxing, with hallucinations. I told the doctors, my family, family friends, and everyone that it was just a spur of the moment thing. I told them that I didn't really want to die but I lied. I did and I had been thinking about it for years but it always felt theoretical. I even called a suicide hotline once and tried to get help from my university but it didn't help. I think the problem is that I'M NOT DEPRESSED. I even went to hospital mandated therapy as an outpatient but nobody, not the doctors or therapists believed that I was depressed and neither do I. The biggest issue is that when I look at my future, I don't see myself getting old. I sometimes see nothing but darkness which is odd since I already graduated university at 21. I am planning to get a job and my parents are proud of me but I don't care for the career that they chose for me. People keep saying I am so nice and approachable and that is great for being a nurse (my career). But I just don't feel it. When I try to picture my future as a nurse forever or for even a few years, I see nothing. I don't feel hopeless and I'm happy most of the time but I just feel like nothing really matters. We live in a large universe and even God or religion doesn't always help. Even when I tell myself that I'll go to hell or something, I accept the fact that I'll finally know what comes after death. If it's nothing, then we should do whatever we want and nothing (not love or money) should matter. On the other hand, if it is some afterlife then why do we have one life so that we can transfer to another one and is that the last life and what is the purpose of living in this life if there is just another life waiting for us? Sorry, I've gone completely off topic but I know that I still feel suicidal much of the time but I'm not unhappy, just confused I guess. I wrote this to maybe see if it was just me who thought this way or if other people get it; anyway, thanks for reading or not reading.",3.64725582437276,4.683517368055559,5.141135005973716,83.02381720430107,72.0787037037037,8.16678614097969,28.28733572281959,8.558390810932622,1.997003643966547,1661,62,340,28,31,560,198,432,0.114,0.7390000000000001,0.147,0.9356,2,0,1,0,0,3,40.0,6,0,2,3,22,17,1,1,23,0,33,11,1,0,1,81,73,44,4,10,34,1,6,1,1,2,9,1,0,0,31,20,0,2,11,2,1,7,14,7,0,3,18,12,52,10,37,52,5,38,1,4,5,1,21,9,1,17,22,247,83,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724808655533587,0.0,0.07596596530542257,0.0,0.0837168493277661,0.0,0.12624840122336098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909821080726216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547176775581984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746473673387046,0.0,0.07734751604654104,0.0,0.0,0.06534936826864624,0.07954104741912932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960224055800738,0.0,0.07873395067744872,0.0,0.0,0.15529825429225078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505344061714824,0.0,0.0,0.07249047081984054,0.0,0.0,0.1430340127855133,0.0,0.15343470985428884,0.0541966345287561,0.07284050078475411,0.08310434967896273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058611665292815994,0.0,0.15854141510726885,0.0,0.04311476448752469,0.0,0.0,0.0836393675629134,0.08357178949831415,0.0,0.0,0.08075771150900224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525483687642701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918139683528211,0.07528244967770098,0.06743063477158127,0.0,0.0,0.08338478343233602,0.06183857546676474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26792185782402195,0.03706289284362026,0.0,0.13397706560000974,0.0,0.06370592175799393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846943583321377,0.0,0.0,0.07691330563549939,0.07621470979634526,0.0,0.0,0.0764241212798531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576812875186107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639635916642283,0.0,0.07960559235268194,0.08079175649967041,0.10281363915185594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423702697865597,0.0,0.0,0.1051878832048887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259076893102971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517673173165848,0.0,0.09719972607096893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032940511829499,0.0,0.0,0.2418123671802517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275476427178077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840314305533895,0.07503057441416393,0.0849225619299975,0.0,0.0,0.06058439283031548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596390012359633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630771856465237,0.0698445766671104,0.08675609956953875,0.08808293994026263,0.05040009197769589,0.0972200597119134,0.0,0.0602268504466908,0.08847280121124468,0.0,0.0,0.1449809416396811,0.1685734554114304,0.10301216963353553,0.0,0.07410725370697667,0.0,0.0912540034281601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949207808163663,0.06021662067663368,0.060852826104981425,0.0,0.0,0.070325880640017,0.06845467418401821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465601034519596
suicidewatch,Throwy2j,2018/02/21,"I messed up the easiest test. I have to kill myself. I'm a worthless piece of shit. There's no fucking way I'm going to make it as a computer science major.

I got a 63 on the easiest test this year. It was simple high school calculus. 

I don't even like this fucking field.

I'm 25 and going fucking nowhere. I just pray that I can die quickly.
All I do is suffer being stupid, ugly, worthless.

Fuck this life. 

It's all a fucking genetics lottery. I was born with low iq and zero positive traits. ",0.2248416289592754,2.5641778039215697,2.740588235294119,89.3888009049774,89.58823529411768,5.4914027149321285,23.53242835595777,7.010146845296331,1.1090337858220214,384,16,78,6,13,132,69,102,0.359,0.563,0.077,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,14,8,0,6,0,8,7,1,1,2,7,20,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,13,0,1,3,0,9,1,7,16,4,10,1,4,0,5,0,4,6,0,4,48,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504037268143664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776109159672035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8241467535719051,0.0,0.0,0.2026564657355374,0.0,0.14259749810655453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837673796796656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972552012908514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259338823841333,0.08710513629033448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901221120600962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044241249573229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301558563629344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415209809205278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481508688283565
suicidewatch,Noonifer,2018/02/21,"Last chance So I've been on here a few times. I've been  diagnosed with severe depressive disorder, social anxiety, and ADHD when I was 15, I am now 23. I've been off meds for 4 years because some of the sideaffects were counter productive. I've gone through over 15 dead end retail jobs, and dropped out of community college 3 times. I was given a last chance by my sister to work at electrical distributer as a warehouse guy. This job has benefits, a future I can go into but I'm not learning fast enough. It's been 4 months and it feels like my first day over and over. I'm trying to learn. I want to learn because I feel like this is a final shot after fucking up everything else for years straight. But the customers remind me I shouldn't be working there because I don't have experience in the field. I make mistake after mistake and constantly my boss has to defend me to pissed off clients. It's the same people every day and I feel like I'm dragging everyone down. And my boss is tired, he's talked about bringing in another employee from a different store but when I was hired they said there were already fine and didn't exactly need someone but they could ""fill the position if needed"" I think that may lead to my termination. If I does I know I'm going to kill myself. I'm not gonna to make anymore mistakes I'm just gonna do what I should have done years ago and end my life. I really want to. I badly want to, I just feel guilty to the people who have tried to help. But after constantly throwing it back in their face. It's time for me to take responsibility for myself and just end it.",3.0174999999999983,4.763005750000005,4.204197530864197,86.29388888888889,74.83333333333334,7.392592592592592,25.88888888888889,8.167268648758528,1.5628814814814818,1269,45,260,21,27,415,179,324,0.134,0.782,0.084,-0.9696,4,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,3,4,12,13,3,0,12,0,27,6,2,5,1,54,56,21,2,13,12,1,4,3,0,5,3,1,0,1,11,13,0,0,9,0,2,7,5,8,0,1,14,5,32,5,42,35,4,51,0,1,0,1,11,15,2,4,31,159,43,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267998811249132,0.0,0.0935263052127955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643048899598775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063413537071874,0.0807131838126041,0.0,0.10463539406837072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112899122117642,0.08809461204855025,0.19294974016351907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280329147564089,0.0,0.08423939889698988,0.0,0.0,0.13608761455718307,0.0,0.09087371984303047,0.10708820350839726,0.0,0.1102332024578314,0.12092108795702886,0.0,0.09233059319072437,0.10797111841714137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813823455013364,0.0,0.2803458027288241,0.10901776897674492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889487818192612,0.1008172313324758,0.09482361403696413,0.10320688092036566,0.0,0.0,0.21339167014455826,0.2261243958936368,0.0,0.11557864573871415,0.0,0.08974488700811745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754026773763268,0.0,0.0,0.11992503665721263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044693171611186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071965923779458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940043728768107,0.0,0.11672875651794695,0.0,0.05798433163580264,0.1720058898113057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452328454701718,0.15463735575476478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085456133595084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117195388900503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842153252000152,0.0,0.0,0.15646540448713694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629165784833342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759100305131463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036208580654828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191937906687852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755192265175477,0.08939642275687226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932874049637377,0.08480317895949775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760514271242972,0.0,0.0,0.18456735275965933,0.12126570368944327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326575091248986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866937151119512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362188064246912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038307061151503
suicidewatch,hellraiserl33t,2018/02/21,"Just turned 24 today :) Surprised I made it this far, but something is keeping me going. 

It's hard folks

EDIT: Thanks everyone, really appreciate it. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day :)",0.9439382239382221,3.2334107297297336,3.0552123552123547,82.5727027027027,103.86486486486488,6.4386100386100376,21.501930501930502,7.447530270364453,1.8176903474903483,155,6,27,4,7,52,34,37,0.03,0.508,0.462,0.975,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,9,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,17,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015891877696533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986849882501125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764725182110508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800115982502012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104639276774755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778367711875165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29577214311502625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024769263517775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406404855695753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877830192743097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962906826623329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339998877373982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33898126843072485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sergeant-sergei,2018/02/21,"I'm the worst I'm 16 and I was bullied for 11 years of my life and had barely any friends during this time. I don't know how to make friends or interact with people. I can't approach anyone and no one wants to approach me because I'm disgustingly ugly. My smile makes me look stupid and my family tells me to smile and when I smile they tell me to stop making ugly face.

I'm also closeted trans and live in one of the most transphobic countries in Europe. My family would hate me if they found out and never accept me. My friends who I met year ago and barely ever talk to on Facebook and never see irl will probably hate me too. 

I'm the worst. I'm trans, ugly, not smart, can't focus on anything and not good at anything. I'm waste of food I eat. What's a point of me living if I will never be happy.",1.5675438596491242,3.1976593216374285,3.5542456140350858,89.88505263157896,78.59064327485379,6.197426900584795,20.756725146198832,7.03164865440522,0.4169279532163741,628,16,137,7,15,213,98,171,0.271,0.649,0.08,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,5,13,4,0,4,0,9,4,1,4,4,32,27,16,0,4,5,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,12,2,1,3,0,0,2,9,6,0,2,4,2,22,7,17,19,3,19,0,0,2,0,11,7,0,4,10,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424999889953225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112091869674082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531868151814687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098008349320176,0.0,0.2306917583314205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544478457490465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342630769166625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678949519649704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642748194265993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949105287176552,0.1536863886060653,0.3248791030867317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756581792577785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492108709720024,0.0,0.27677270188648434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703237207485583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900442449735096,0.0,0.0,0.24754087597222385,0.0,0.11770536700417646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28068861029792325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32431736599263145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899622012436485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717447024828788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250355884504902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511242324581874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116953206219352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117186275512619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266129746514217,0.24502508192286515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173277498453563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267440140479303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957094425109918,0.0,0.0,0.18052650145058446
suicidewatch,Jon187,2018/02/21,"Seek Help? What does that even mean? Seriously, I read suicidal postings and articles all the time with the phrase ""seek help"" or ""ask for help"". Who am I suppose to ask for help? Who do you talk to? Where do you go when you do not have insurance or money? Is this help out there? Will they give me a job? Will they provide me with insurance? What the fuck does ""seek help"" even fucking mean. So fucking stupid.",0.3900833333333331,2.8395191749999995,1.3175000000000026,97.49083333333334,94.75,5.166666666666668,19.166666666666668,6.816661863887847,0.24991666666666695,314,10,69,5,12,97,51,80,0.152,0.7070000000000001,0.14,-0.4821,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,0,6,5,4,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,1,10,17,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,9,0,7,15,1,6,0,0,0,3,17,2,3,2,2,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28432381371734555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26614931863689634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087734105490915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217498485752073,0.0,0.14587630678724312,0.08642305245426622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6115629219935542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509028096225405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312905951480073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563793504389105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210792615009713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633637010874036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222551333386507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867135922855003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qwertyasdfghplm,2018/02/21,"Almost did it yesterday So I am going to be really limited to information (I don't want to give too many identifiers), but yesterday was the time that I almost did it.  The only thing stopping me was that there was nothing high enough or sturdy enough in my house. Life is funny that way.

I feel as if there was a time that I was happier, but I only remember the bad parts of my past now.  I have been cycling my up and downs lately but mostly down now.  I guess the thing that scares me is that now I am becoming more apathetic to my situation, and that I am caring less about what doing this to my self would do to others that know me.  I'm just at that point where I am wondering why I am alive still.  I have people to talk to, but I will not reveal this side of me because they have enough problems and don't need my own.

Also sadly can't really make posts to relevant subreddits, where this is a prevalent problem anyway and I know a few of my classmates feel the same as me.  I just am lucky(?) that I happen to carry extra baggage from my childhood/undergrad.",4.382896825396827,4.875373824074078,5.778068783068786,81.11666666666669,70.01851851851852,9.134391534391536,26.539682539682538,9.23628265651192,2.0054904761904755,830,24,170,16,14,281,119,216,0.12,0.8079999999999999,0.073,-0.8099,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,15,7,0,1,8,0,28,1,0,1,0,35,42,14,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,19,4,0,2,8,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,8,2,31,2,22,31,11,24,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,8,11,144,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26899264583951954,0.0,0.0,0.10741105975255537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214679110659023,0.08187672208702024,0.1483395401174419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694233270664835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163475840362496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582664421292506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884647051070772,0.07633388536312835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796229261559993,0.0,0.11877365051950785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191038286330152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549806148086383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476312018680971,0.0,0.15151232791950872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487012917504367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896558069740273,0.13617357128271618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959231685336574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887814841474374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043040839716355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544924738029452,0.12821815264787054,0.0931165914228225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697038347128767,0.0,0.1286359266706776,0.0,0.0,0.25704120154040944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209029981772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215186586954754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447199875775673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011905893114215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097484813626336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726353610123934,0.11229272986402633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079567089835671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846484326406395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663944232765364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922202649591674,0.10661240237123784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119772226159616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565807812606232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541299180457943,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stdnamespace,2018/02/21,I seriously want to die because im ugly and awkward. These feelings have kind of amplified since it's my birthday in 2 days,3.66,5.351617599999997,5.805,75.70750000000002,73.0,8.200000000000001,36.5,8.841846274778883,3.5214,100,6,18,2,2,35,24,25,0.378,0.5760000000000001,0.047,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622376821168441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27743468772781665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464656430298353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175152072542076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646752130212776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44797301449824417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558546972775153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537351285119637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-damso,2018/02/21,"sorry dad. He's an alcoholic since I was 10yo. He had a well paid job in an insurance company and I still wonder to this day why he decided to quit everything and lose himself and us in there. Maybe he figured it was not the life he wanted to live, I don't know him a lot. 

We would talk about cars (our common passion before), economics, history, science, close relationships and trust, I owe him so much, he always had the words to calm my fears.. when I lost the sober him I lost my real best friend, after all these years I realize that I was so broken at 13 yo, way too obsessed with a girl and my grades to try to be as far from my family as possible, but my true self died in the process, I became a ""nice"" guy. By being too sensitive I was hurt at a young age and became really suspicious about people in general, in a machiavellian manner, so it suited me in high school. My mother could finally divorce in my senior year so it meant less fights, noises and insults. 
I was accepted in a prepatery school far from my place, finally I can forget that part of my life to start a brand new one where I'm the boss ! 


My main objective was to pass an open competition exam after two years of hard work. I was at the top of the class in the first year and had very good friends. I smoked some joints in the dorm and during some parties but it never kept me from getting my job done. But one day that shit made me wonder why I wanted to live the life I chose, or did I choose it because my mother couldn't afford other schools which interested me more. Anyway I thought ""she's paying for all this stuff and deserves to be proud of what I can do, I have to make it for her..even if I don't like it...?"" That's when I fucked up I think because I started to study just for my mother and felt a void that I filled with more and more weed. 

In my second year I met a girl and kind of fell in love with her, but she was lost after a more recent divorce of her parents and said she didn't want any relationship, but in the end came back to me. It was a red flag my former inexperienced self didn't spot. Anyway later I realized she's just a narcissist, and the damage I've done to myself by staying alongside her.. 
If anyone dealt with one you know how they can be so lovely sometimes ? So much that it makes you forget all the true ugliness and darkness of this world, yours and hers. It made me feel so much more high than weed.. before she completely changed in two weeks. She started having feelings for a friend of her who I know for sure was trying to pick her up. I felt so lost when she told me because during those 2 weeks I didn't smoke at all, worked hard in school and felt happy with her. I couldn't understand how one would do that. I mean she was the first to say ""I love you"", I didn't let myself love her before that. But I know that I must have acted as a ""nice"" guy by not just leaving her because I was scared to lose her like I lost my father, she felt like my real best friend you know ? But everyday I was feeling more miserable and ""lucky"" to have her by my side. 

Eventually I fucked up my exams as I smoked astronomic quantities of weed everyday, all day in the end of the second year because I felt like shit compared to her and her healthy lifestyle. I tried to pass the exams the next year and made very little to no improvement. Fortunately I was accepted in an engineering school in a field I don't really like, still with that girl. But I just didn't want to go to school, or never knew if I wanted to, I was lost inside my head. I've been diagnosed with a psychotic decompensation and a generalized anxiety. I owe 2200$ to my scholarship organism because I didn't pass any of my exams. Today the girl left me because I'm too ""paranoid"" and she feels like she could hurt me. I tried to explain to her that it's her absence in those moments that hurt me and made me paranoid in the beginning, leaving me now that I'm completely fucked is not going to make things better for me. I already thought about killing myself when I failed my exams because it meant a lot to me, but didn't do it because I thought it would make her feel bad. Now she just hurt me all day with her words and can't forget anything... I took two or three pills of Venlafaxine, I'm already a bit drunk and high. so I'll take more of dem meds and poison until I stop caring. I think I'll talk to my dad and go see him some days, if I don't feel better I'll just end with it, if doesn't end tonight.

Update #1: I care a little bit less about it all. But I don't think that I'll call my dad or anyone tonight, I just want them to forget about me already and not pretend like they do somehow. 
I think no one's answering because my life is such a joke I must seem like a troll",5.775410412757977,4.786664594512196,6.408089430894313,82.82380863039403,67.1808943089431,9.642401500938087,29.593808630394,8.786649364141006,1.9740909005628517,3707,105,813,51,52,1219,358,984,0.16899999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.114,-0.9947,6,0,4,0,3,1,104.0,3,5,3,20,42,68,9,4,47,0,63,20,3,12,14,170,147,68,2,20,30,8,13,8,4,5,8,2,1,8,42,42,2,2,40,3,5,12,24,28,1,13,57,17,153,40,107,76,30,114,0,15,2,8,90,42,5,19,66,546,195,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04532878987162006,0.0,0.0,0.14041818922685906,0.0,0.035292719914250835,0.0,0.0,0.05768737779058405,0.0,0.03244739762878621,0.0,0.0,0.05931517918434635,0.0,0.034903972663284204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03261455580153611,0.035414795589399105,0.2585582117535474,0.0,0.10827625218319907,0.0,0.08902395764890013,0.07502533090076431,0.09261249974930004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433105089694202,0.048511518410245605,0.08648994184295372,0.0,0.044869499520377054,0.0,0.08894274718878667,0.0,0.0,0.06772993315111249,0.0,0.0,0.13677099369980386,0.0,0.0,0.04305038354894797,0.044020126070118674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681064594948272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026858157932338,0.0,0.0,0.028014740908282182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038119912558516385,0.0,0.03998513488118852,0.047728724032886825,0.12867794413723815,0.030301320637468324,0.2036255008142159,0.09292722944464107,0.0,0.0721564407783439,0.0,0.0,0.13107905157404273,0.11763609249200513,0.022160113332011254,0.0,0.0723163521667885,0.035575732091154603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399513719604389,0.0,0.04515161008907405,0.07599110838010029,0.0,0.04353007867796343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444148918199025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816247557482878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418078598027098,0.0,0.04692596919786153,0.04416874821632361,0.11655101285525625,0.0,0.0,0.08982282871233498,0.046084076602803815,0.043372262965995625,0.11983601845836934,0.16577481012564174,0.08502204710861325,0.0749065335534627,0.0,0.0,0.0949031845868067,0.2778062290643193,0.0721195185201981,0.15312495671279772,0.1605365857966017,0.1132495025870148,0.0,0.04261161931752999,0.04620242452275936,0.047113559449516285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353982763072556,0.0,0.06542620368530871,0.04096472019318173,0.045108887522051166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370768004941178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047096894230083626,0.045931366504363365,0.0,0.029405255546603563,0.0,0.0443147003139926,0.0,0.0,0.04781659659497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511362730557216,0.0,0.09655522688253666,0.05434433505253518,0.0,0.04187974549688068,0.09107578195144617,0.0,0.0,0.04034642608796338,0.033730150668068365,0.042464865035483225,0.25755777395022555,0.03379930384859177,0.03861306908606056,0.08849629634982505,0.0,0.0870768798804355,0.03508616817745445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194956961267959,0.047480176597142223,0.09006477341255856,0.04520880045828179,0.06774542842890657,0.035460881538111236,0.0,0.0,0.04855508524732633,0.0,0.0,0.039975683247333256,0.0,0.03189083944765266,0.06818322206871602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028178674939008424,0.10871140716907236,0.0,0.10101843715415937,0.0,0.0,0.04020450852555189,0.04052939852395377,0.04712468189032548,0.11518814069426607,0.0,0.12430002392192005,0.044155563541956135,0.0510200834677691,0.0,0.0,0.0699937176490045,0.15010497474854526,0.033667092923626976,0.06804559034103055,0.0,0.03813622434969364,0.0,0.07654597188992535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199462618375516,0.06175732402355979,0.0,0.0,0.09039130503842724,0.0,0.0,0.1911973137680977
suicidewatch,sahrrie,2018/02/21,"sigh Hi everyone. 

Been looking to find someone maybe similar to me. I'm late twenties, married with small children. 

My life has been nothing but a trainwreck since I was born. My dad is a crystal meth user and so my childhood was fraught with fear, abuse and confusion. My mom had an affair and left us with him when I was 12. Dad tried to convince us it was because she didn't love us. He was unpredictable and learned to be cautious of every signal of body language or any motion that could be taken the wrong way, as my dad is a very paranoid individual. Physical, verbal, mental, and emotional abuse. I was mocked for my weight by my dad, nicknamed fatty and crybaby. When I got to highschool I was told by my dad I would become a whore like my whore mother. 

In high school my first boyfriend ended up using my anxieties against me and manipulated me into eventually having a baby with him and being married. He forced me into sexual favors against my will and baited me with threats. In ten years of marriage he has had three affairs that I know of, and the last one resulted in a baby. He went to nursing school while I worked, 7 years of retail. He graduated with his RN license and asked me to quit my job. two months after that he moved in with a girl from work and I lost my apartment, had to go back to working retail. Moved in with my estranged mother. My job ended up shutting the business down a few months later so I was served with a pending termination notice. I have another retail job I've kept for almost a year now but lately I've slipped into a bout of severe depression. I can't handle my job or even life I'm general. I barely scrape by with the mimimum expected of me. 

I don't really have courage to work up to killing myself but I don't want to be alive either. I've made bad choices in my life, mostly after my husband left me the last time. I feel worthless and like I am a burden to everyone around me. I put a two week notice in at work this week and am terrified of being home everyday with the kids. My husband came back and is helping financially but I am so scared.  I cannot seem to stop sobbing. Life feels so pointless and monotonous.

I fear I made a huge mistake in putting a notice in at work. I have a small.time frame in which I can try to fix this but I don't want to go back to my job. I also don't want to be at home, either. I wish I could just fade away.",2.620551791850758,4.453245117525777,4.217076583210607,85.39581615120277,76.17525773195877,6.84585174275896,25.9806087383407,7.7094869923839395,1.4563598429062352,1882,70,378,27,42,629,238,485,0.223,0.722,0.055,-0.9984,5,0,1,0,2,2,46.0,3,0,0,9,14,24,3,4,23,0,43,10,1,5,0,68,68,32,1,9,10,10,3,2,0,2,5,0,2,3,7,32,1,2,6,0,3,9,7,17,1,6,23,4,66,6,70,35,4,69,0,4,1,3,34,29,1,6,32,256,73,16,0.0,0.1684541891956295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118388922937614,0.0,0.0,0.05684866926806136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048341955723000415,0.07454146978296658,0.05438176320621041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328297002609964,0.06645724117759394,0.0,0.06678907121586684,0.16398575974869828,0.059355115309168524,0.043334296350867656,0.07851058796868589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896221641862237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130519239605287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351521094957047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122758241881506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996389920599445,0.12592489718697925,0.0,0.0,0.04695264081844112,0.0,0.059894307065849035,0.13585435594159462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998646166855074,0.07188797869083044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649727113724173,0.06046701373563485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080135905839722,0.0,0.056855188920411276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764847055993682,0.07510787473547725,0.142613170427402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527170053870837,0.0,0.07864781559172118,0.0,0.03906784547131418,0.11589164406535575,0.1603796525194473,0.0,0.15447361110816374,0.0,0.20084488913208054,0.06945954936775292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969561841864252,0.0,0.07760043265012173,0.0,0.06415926811900144,0.13452947281940242,0.0,0.0,0.07141697519382177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716395067589557,0.0,0.0,0.08325685188362762,0.11348277089389347,0.15110958111014292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821039892901339,0.2428008602950194,0.0,0.0,0.04817074772386487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292519730133427,0.0,0.07561033478161952,0.0,0.0,0.045540489783440316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117101535731754,0.1438887440231755,0.0,0.06471541427532779,0.0,0.08030867069808575,0.0,0.05880433652857413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023223052548366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943235525237351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145170837962291,0.0,0.0,0.06792717797079731,0.0,0.09652752838708244,0.0,0.1388843679603489,0.0,0.2565286248513021,0.06139679862200303,0.0,0.0586546542600634,0.12578779485242406,0.05642596969286296,0.1140442516681159,0.08656545619990971,0.0,0.06589884927164821,0.0,0.0,0.08174714721185787,0.0,0.0,0.310515395692527,0.0,0.0,0.05049853923302105,0.07772305073349936,0.0,0.13733410913196806
suicidewatch,SadPreparation,2018/02/21,Almost 22 with nothing to look forward to I’m 21 and I have no purpose. I’m not nice to look at. I’m not good at anything. I was considered “gifted” as a kid and it turns out I really don’t have a gift. I want to enjoy things. I want to get my curiosity back. But I’m really bad at everything I’ve ever tried. I’m getting mediocre grades at a mediocre school. I don’t have any close friends. I got fired from a bullshit part time job. I have no use to the world. I have no purpose. I graduate in a few months and I have no plans and I have had no internships and I’m not even interested in my major. All my friends are doing so well and I have to pretend to be happy for them while I lay around and give up on my life. I’m going to kill myself before I turn 22 in May. Any tips on how to make this hurt my close knit and caring family less? I hurt them a lot by being alive and not being happy or successful but I’m so afraid that my death will tear them apart. I love them so much but I’m sick of being the family disappointment and I don’t think there is anything I can do to fix my life. I am almost 22 and haven’t done anything to mold a career of a life path for myself. There is no hope for me. My future is so bleak and I think it might hurt my family less to end it now rather than be a burden and a beacon of shame forever. But I really don’t want to hurt them at all. ,-0.27149509803921745,1.5500734640522893,2.484473039215686,94.28200367647058,85.60130718954248,5.7857843137254905,17.078839869281047,7.04035,-0.10981013071895428,1064,23,258,15,32,372,144,306,0.203,0.6890000000000001,0.108,-0.9857,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,5,4,14,23,1,2,12,0,32,5,0,3,3,45,60,25,2,5,10,0,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,6,18,0,0,2,1,0,2,15,10,1,0,4,3,39,13,38,48,9,27,0,5,2,1,10,18,0,7,9,177,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048238232271002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294147337087368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594618859483453,0.09356014707646257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081443182479152,0.08775304502579254,0.0,0.0,0.08943127370848067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715515414544392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755248471635112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308627500055043,0.0,0.0,0.06941671635812795,0.09506781337447597,0.0,0.0,0.09445595682410436,0.0,0.2972331718872015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239802776326462,0.0,0.10981949157897958,0.10082027329158376,0.059730027165000636,0.0881518237805419,0.08405705097690397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375909318079287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438674757886303,0.0,0.0,0.45004143335360414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042942671204426,0.0,0.1162761670472984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270301187274374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651291767011318,0.0,0.0,0.0893511772497118,0.09485570223799973,0.0,0.07015421474465397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114931381378946,0.0,0.0,0.08388879923854904,0.0,0.07725965536130328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084506073767804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138116768958588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201986802467499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063655202015927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982292258183084,0.13468603798719167,0.0,0.0,0.06128391146889387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135513511058475,0.22863446491216696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077155365384164,0.0,0.0,0.18596985226772614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944963752233018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatismyBoomstick,2018/02/21,"I am a 59-year-old woman whose life has never been my own Born and raised in California, moved to Texas at the age of 14.  When I met my husband and I followed him to Houston for his job, he promised me that in five years we would move to California.  That was almost 40 years ago.  I looked up retirement communities in my hometown, and the houses were cheaper than the one we bought in Houston.  Now he says, ""NO! We are staying here!""  The rest of my life will now be spent in a place I never belonged, and I will die here.  I  was going to drive away from the city, park in a place where no one could see my car, and commit suicide.  Then I found out that the way I was going to do it would not kill me, just screw me up.  I still want to die.  ",2.166655913978495,3.3036386064516168,3.3791129032258063,93.84200268817206,75.83870967741936,6.198924731182796,22.594086021505376,6.42735559955562,0.21221505376344085,564,15,134,4,12,183,96,155,0.104,0.8340000000000001,0.062,-0.8292,2,0,0,0,0,4,22.0,3,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,9,0,15,3,0,0,3,20,25,7,4,4,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,1,0,2,7,5,2,0,3,9,3,23,1,22,10,2,35,0,0,2,1,12,14,1,1,12,98,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756778812102655,0.0,0.1554017423372535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580740316938676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390768300465572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32212828645508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015932983581328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763976668994797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790700076174556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540034909093197,0.0,0.17169626029549268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923251207927413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032166705958154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329887737837706,0.0,0.0,0.2393863076270912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628472395718095,0.0,0.2103233809508583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32428390718778205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341440843750905,0.0,0.0,0.1236674312878916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541335434976734,0.1239360306477088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975417307342364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153589244442308,0.12318368802643764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048699691050588,0.0,0.0,0.2998144674656939
suicidewatch,NeverMama,2018/02/21,"Anxiety it's constant but this depression has hit me out of nowhere. My life is good. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband, and an amazing job (even if it is a little isolating). We have a good, steady income that's double the living wage for our area for a family of four and there are only two of us. We have a happy marriage.

But I have no coworkers, no local friends, and unless my husband is home I'm lonely. But anxiety has me terrified to put myself out there. So I just stay in my beautiful house, alone and lonely.

I had a miscarriage in September and I'm so afraid I'll never have a baby. And now I'm thinking that maybe that's for the best. I just want to feel better but I know my battle with mental illness will be lifelong. I'm so exhausted and tired of ""coping."" 

I just want to be effortlessly happy.",0.9586290576741272,3.296121856287428,3.3828049164828218,86.46458241411915,84.92814371257485,6.629561928774033,21.963126378821308,7.85451343220497,1.3031628742514971,638,22,128,13,19,220,96,167,0.208,0.544,0.248,0.9132,3,5,0,0,1,0,23.0,4,0,0,2,10,15,1,1,11,0,15,4,0,0,1,28,26,16,0,3,9,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,6,12,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,6,0,2,1,1,18,9,16,21,2,12,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,2,3,95,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653349145530452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460130539935512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687427752323704,0.1422087141851337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737605652520267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138491137942493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620253812851592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158172712344625,0.0,0.08130198498756498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422859824242073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697317855789079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34233517331092866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612889116132101,0.0,0.0,0.3710680387209768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595626595660415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836785910104998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357314851814294,0.0,0.16115724984533966,0.14198353666434793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615386035553123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620419494080476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401379891824806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229064234202372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164179960202474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713843926001009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302993165880732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848083838359149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707180817368027,0.0,0.19341468755843172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968025150525192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437360614694172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmyArk22,2018/02/21,"Lost almost everything, so I’ve planned a date! I have lost my boyfriend, my two best friends, and the rest of my friends because of my mental health issues. My best friend of 10 years blocked my number because she doesn’t want a depressed friend. I’m still so in love with my ex and he’s been put under so much stress because of me. After a night out on Friday with the few distant friends I have left, I am going to take a coedine overdose (hopefully the high dosage and the large amount of alcohol will kill me). I feel an odd comfort about finally planning my last attempt. I was wondering if anyone else has had that feeling after planning their suicide? ",4.92587673611111,6.143544070312505,4.798854166666668,85.98850694444445,69.234375,7.251388888888887,32.97222222222222,7.3871296695380915,2.1360024305555547,523,24,100,5,9,161,89,128,0.159,0.613,0.229,0.8718,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,8,5,15,1,1,9,0,9,3,0,0,0,14,20,7,2,3,1,1,2,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,5,2,17,10,15,14,6,16,0,3,0,1,10,6,0,4,8,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451987720584834,0.1360495524867653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500023281437968,0.13921013777105692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484668240112713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28516466843734745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702065282053616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349809123387836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221070430106216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137395236983335,0.0,0.0,0.1488338828851751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248462782992168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721542654683163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444185457266608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435492336344104,0.0,0.13494497864319305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180815792184953,0.0,0.0,0.15031491298314226,0.0,0.0,0.11074841851673102,0.0,0.0,0.14761813304805632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29662622397067795,0.0,0.12262381010598562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692034729266142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987668726659912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750045547880828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365822333005138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850226807633884,0.0,0.15563333389779074,0.0,0.0,0.1486146740187724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215385720262808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272073437520934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013692135133198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734020912196755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749285028229972
suicidewatch,throwa2934,2018/02/21,"Idk why the feelings are creeping up again I’m a student researcher at a government institution. My dream is to become a scientist one day. But, in college, I felt a lot of pressures and faced forms of trauma. 

I can’t feel anything anymore. Last night my roommate was concerned that I was going to end my life somehow. He got concerned when I told him that I felt as though I was failing at all areas of life (research, social interactions, etc). I don’t want to live in this world anymore. It’s not that I want to die or kill myself. It’s kust that I wonder about how I can’t feel anything anymore and I feel as though I’m not good at anything in life. Life is too difficult and complicated for me. 

The feelings from college are creeping up again.",3.4286689038031315,5.098959288590606,4.457869127516781,85.21731823266222,73.56375838926175,6.577404921700225,30.53747203579418,7.1686216300943375,1.806704250559284,590,27,115,6,12,192,87,149,0.162,0.8059999999999999,0.032,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,6,0,10,5,1,1,1,21,25,11,2,2,4,0,7,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,8,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,7,7,17,1,20,18,4,18,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,4,7,80,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073648142438005,0.0,0.0,0.3380215337566711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121785371388544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830234791098351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210178569955614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127085769216038,0.0,0.15270246876327387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34615540803849065,0.0,0.26293016274942715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781503367959278,0.1148423575541215,0.10950777294485696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148216540944848,0.0,0.0,0.11160842207630953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868437856569126,0.0,0.0,0.12090324504699985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164048502404111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849054497198772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278082448575252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957313196198068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690472475930573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308333350615336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151843000312094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235493882541384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848436184225935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,featherlite91,2018/02/21,"Not sure what to do? I tried to kill myself back in December. Failed. So here I am. I go to counselling. I try mindfulness. I try to tell myself it'll get better but honestly it doesn't. It gets harder and more pointless. I feel like the way I feel is not right. I feel like I need medication, but my GP basically acts like I'm some junky when I asked about anti-anxiety medication and my counsellor is just a social worker so can't prescribe medication.

Anyway I don't know what else to do. I don't want to feel like this anymore and at this point I'll take death if I can't find actual help.",1.0017307692307718,3.146744991935485,3.355806451612904,87.99217121588093,82.95161290322581,7.041191066997517,20.02233250620348,8.139509932561175,0.9502339950372212,465,13,102,10,13,160,75,124,0.128,0.7090000000000001,0.163,0.7566,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,0,1,20,24,9,2,3,6,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,4,17,7,9,23,2,9,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,6,62,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.14898354126480592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679185318550875,0.0,0.15140725473565886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272550018828947,0.0,0.0,0.11739352586798125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502388592148026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275358902147739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30877741941635434,0.3272016540468497,0.0,0.0,0.13953728088767106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952716655158822,0.0,0.08676567205585023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233123845301613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890633165237806,0.0,0.08390323894534547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983466888092282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46139578793544894,0.0,0.0,0.15415281050631013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320260015947545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432215261502576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037903443619686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562746712268075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438893245685416,0.0,0.11478856583027025,0.0,0.13343999050295038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109579827614906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004850647710938,0.12118205037283945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fatal_Taco,2018/02/21,"Where do I even start 18, Soon to be dropout. Online friends don't seem to like me anymore, lost a lot of them as well. No irl friends. Like I mean none. Zero. Null. My day spent is literally just playing TF2, eat, play, eat, sleep. I can't feel love. I don't think I'll feel love. I feel useless to society and honestly think that suicide will bring many changes.

Tried the national mental institution, a private doctor and another hospital. None worked. Delays on my next referal letter to a nearby hospital never went through.

Kinda wished I had a father to grow me some balls but fuck I didn't.

I tried and nothing worked. In the end I won't matter anymore. You might say that I don't know that my life will be worse, but then you also don't know if it'll be better either and going by what I have to go through atm, suicide is getting more and more appealing. It's natural selection.",1.721962533452274,4.110710830508474,3.10982456140351,89.35913470115969,81.93785310734464,6.212191495688374,24.57002676181981,7.475848149327749,1.2587016949152543,695,27,141,11,19,226,114,177,0.165,0.725,0.11,-0.9019,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,2,1,5,6,14,1,0,6,0,19,8,1,0,1,28,40,11,2,2,5,1,3,2,2,5,2,1,0,0,6,5,2,1,10,3,2,5,11,3,1,1,5,4,19,11,13,27,7,17,0,2,0,3,10,4,1,6,10,87,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905189554129674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299171257529786,0.0,0.0,0.2704769941698744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060470572873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425721875210915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879448327616655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957644921667095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27907306336744925,0.0,0.0,0.12077986090870628,0.0,0.0,0.09006850200444944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068523444032083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071217217553648,0.12606823275765036,0.07124564237797441,0.0,0.1549999583293964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988644969935513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631938685476064,0.13324314569757822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885967225401495,0.11593355476073715,0.2461514014313178,0.0,0.0,0.13825378974212013,0.0,0.14854262544717373,0.0,0.0,0.13742492319159394,0.14466284870127696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517391856427284,0.0,0.14502686066238832,0.0,0.0,0.13084692033443993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844377083491592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414254701701055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646455023051535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652060500573956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983246911946477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475574067542768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516721812592474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260947229631675,0.1264127114950937,0.0,0.0,0.15681424865920246,0.0,0.0,0.1985522436497345,0.0,0.13896867366344834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CyberFox15,2018/02/21,"I don't know what to do... help.... Life, for me, feels like shit. Sorry for the language, but it doesn't seem to matter... Anyway, i can't hold a stare for but 1 or 2 seconds at anyone. this is a bit of an issue, yet, i don't like physical touch of any kind either... Comforting or not. I have lost my Xbox, things i love like freedom to see friends, and going places i like. (remind you that i am only 13) I feel like this world is not meant for me at all. My life has been shit since the start. A. My biological father is a abusive bi-polar ass to my mom, B, I have followed his trait of being lazy, C, I feel like i'm hated for this, D, I supposedly can't do anything right, E, The things that happened around 8:30 pm - 10:00 pm tues. and 8:50-9:10 am Wed. 

So we just ate dinner (pretty late, i know) and i was going to do the dishes. My Mom and Stepdad were arguing about how late dinner was, my mom blaming it on my Stepdad, and me just sitting in the middle of it. So after that interaction, i was about to unload the dishwasher when my mom went into our lazy suzan cabinet that holds all of our Tupperware and things feel over (now mind you, this isn't my fault, i don't mess with tupperware because i know i will screw it up, so i leave it on our drying mats to be taken care of by here, i rarely go in there except once in a blue moon)

back to the interactions... My mom got pissed, threw the tupperware that was about to collapse on the floor. She started yelling at me about how lazy i was, blah blah blah, this was my fault... I was about 50 ft. away when she left the kitchen to come towards me to confront me about this when i kept saying it wasn't me who messes with the Tupperware. She says for me to look at her, i couldn't. i cant hold a gaze, of any kind, not even myself in a mirror, or a cat... Dispite this, she kept yelling at me to look at her, she tries to get me to stand up (quite forcefully) by grabbing my arms, and face. She keeps trying until i decide to collapse to the ground covering my ears due to the fact i was now having a mental breakdown. After this, i tell her, loud as i could while hyper-ventilating, to leave me alone. she doesn't and tries again. she puts me against the wall attempting to get me to look at her. i was now choking on air. She lets go, and storms off. Going to bed. I, myself, couldn't do anything for two hours or so due to the fact i was hyper ventilating, and too weak due to the fact i was mentally broken down, and felt like killing myself. 

Now, today, 8:50 pm, (i'm home-schooled) i was working on math and my mom, now with the same attitude since last night, came through, re-attempting to get me to hold her gaze. I couldn't, again hyper-ventilating since i can't stand human touch anymore, and trying to get her off of me, she slaps me across the face. i still feel it to, even after 30 minuets. I went to the other side of the house, and she told me to go do my schoolwork downstairs... 


Now here we are, i appreciate your guy's help whoever here is on Reddit, What the hell am i supposed to do? i'm hated, i'm a coward, i can't do anything right, I feel like i should run away to somewhere i know to go, but i feel like i should kill myself too... This world isn't meant for a fuck-up like me. 
I was an accident. Not meant to be made on purpose. I cheat through school, and i cheat my friends out too. I can only keep good grades in school by cheating. Otherwise i cant pass anything...",3.1221449859498733,3.674121880389432,4.312347080695979,90.28023246572624,72.89429763560501,7.315841162612473,24.27013141835315,7.290443533043144,0.7530911470012205,2628,69,609,26,49,864,292,719,0.165,0.725,0.11,-0.9932,1,1,0,0,2,2,147.0,5,3,0,4,39,38,14,0,34,0,60,18,8,3,5,82,118,34,2,6,15,7,11,13,2,3,3,6,2,2,28,25,5,8,17,1,0,16,21,20,0,2,32,23,114,18,104,75,5,93,1,1,6,3,49,44,6,5,40,405,142,6,0.0,0.07230373272435628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320269740010105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299713679211182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051963756487665,0.04266955986873931,0.0,0.2008709637826928,0.05432450178436134,0.0,0.0,0.11466854406314338,0.04692386537486004,0.0,0.037199803651216924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662265303734005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979546104703334,0.06221826861623371,0.0,0.0,0.05256696991268976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048722881347373515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061185557093516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598978663117832,0.21797860730117075,0.058592829810330864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429433604665287,0.0564159164690044,0.12753056408439106,0.0,0.2427703298988228,0.051184228091765135,0.048806650678424976,0.0,0.0,0.0604235810218275,0.05396352425501392,0.0,0.0,0.12049758469656137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180650885657914,0.0,0.06121227739596916,0.0,0.06009657326585039,0.07041376710829735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636934405849804,0.0,0.10848227743104133,0.13502853600854953,0.1270946878866425,0.13414928156135833,0.049742891509551815,0.13767597689986216,0.1292316948216172,0.06630300346855728,0.0624014087698705,0.08620643542437761,0.29813355884001586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373494929036788,0.0,0.06661515476012135,0.0,0.05507674930516895,0.057742601075871536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229961397561643,0.0,0.06161707533590069,0.42882503746398815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057267105113041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498881237309796,0.0,0.09282335217095117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375733106146178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620835795981942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134620524782814,0.0,0.06490677926567298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422871643651653,0.0,0.09705783262255188,0.0,0.18527933332331015,0.04862840975686721,0.05555416626030325,0.0,0.0,0.1252809884530136,0.15143961874848175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831162834705685,0.0863865268899175,0.0,0.04873402818520843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053337865982700315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162535868886773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784383380829473,0.058311266038229635,0.0,0.1657257832854987,0.0,0.05961180466063915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314014349732805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442636557779888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RBNAnon1234,2018/02/21,"Does anyone else feel guilty about self harm and how it makes others feel sad/negative? If I'm suicidal, I'm always passively suicidal. Idk what happened on Sunday but I self harmed for the first time (unsure if what I did as a kid counts as self harm). I stuck safety pins into my left wrist because I didn't want to feel any more emotional pain that stems from having an abusive mother (low contact right now).

I told the guy I'm dating because I was at his place. There was other drama that impacted it. He wasn't at home (we were at the same event but I left early). He knew I was having panic attacks and spiralling while being really drunk, and I ended up leaving with some close friends (who came to take care of me) before he got back to his. I tried to take all my stuff but unfortunately left the safety pins on his bed. Unknown to me, there were also pills left there. The pills were phlegm loosening ones because I'm sick, and they must have fallen out of my bag, :/. He didn't know what they were. He came home to that and freaked out.

Skipping some of the details here (incl. Dating dramas with this chick who keeps flirting and being all over him in front of me, when he was - past tense post our discussions - ok with it). His ex used to self harm a lot and threaten suicide and had a recent suicide scare. This incident with me has made him very uncomfortable and brought back bad memories. He's not in a good place because of what happened.

Does anyone else feel scared to open up because it might make others feel negative or bring them bad memories? Or even just because it might hurt them to see you like this or because it might break their hearts? This makes me so sad because, now I'm feeling a little better, I want to let a select few people in (e.g. Dad), but it's scary!! ",4.356949152542377,5.463005338983052,4.665733333333336,86.83209152542375,70.46892655367232,7.3589152542372895,25.459435028248592,7.554174236665415,1.1546141468926554,1406,40,284,15,25,442,192,354,0.287,0.642,0.07200000000000001,-0.9985,0,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,2,1,5,2,15,22,1,3,13,1,24,7,2,6,3,59,58,25,4,5,11,3,6,1,1,4,4,0,3,7,24,21,1,1,8,3,0,6,5,15,0,2,21,7,33,7,38,30,8,49,0,3,1,0,37,25,0,11,17,177,57,0,0.0,0.08869197295783668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986221727684659,0.062286085707042076,0.0,0.0,0.0509045628391476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468193846722906,0.15339738276892365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515936589961501,0.0,0.11511909667984037,0.12500306004967274,0.3650515795137258,0.0,0.06369683738276045,0.0,0.0,0.06620393953821163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171230361435488,0.0763205548271166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101376368717388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506495879760002,0.08420278557447998,0.06630008804978825,0.0,0.0,0.049441600350254036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270962815167351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367237018788494,0.0,0.0,0.05783346438426468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278555757403319,0.05986908253597342,0.0,0.0,0.07411908641610576,0.13238960849176182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870457389831397,0.0,0.0,0.15017309471941176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013476384467105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653534232456954,0.0,0.0,0.04113883199471822,0.0,0.0,0.0792615647252278,0.3253245147425539,0.0765452052143348,0.0,0.036570800070955416,0.07502525345258115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363978920601451,0.0,0.07083044014698821,0.1499006361981981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382307663115504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072427910382464,0.0,0.07965193017400096,0.08782724230366999,0.0,0.0,0.07145840410032922,0.051895639431113035,0.0,0.15641691706082944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716912374732008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047954591187623824,0.0,0.07391114722088972,0.0,0.0,0.06392650940207631,0.0,0.0,0.14988758189022838,0.0,0.05965044183238696,0.0,0.3123640179954096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569206931559048,0.32752071653040443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256460618122792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364906347793019,0.0,0.0,0.07152799773583096,0.0,0.05082222637664178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465144297191174,0.0,0.06176393753489121,0.08830387064676254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lollilovingleo,2018/02/21,"I've been thinking of going on a trip. I've been thinking of going on a trip. 

I live in a tiny Colorado town, like 2 by 3 square miles in the middle of the Rocky Mountains. Teensy enough I'm 95% sure our tallest buildings are the three story college dorms. I moved here from Los Angeles on June 26th of last year. I was homeless there, and nearly three full days of riding in an acquaintance's Subaru brought me here. I didn't have a home, job, identification, or more than a about hundred dollars in total to my name, but I found a place to crash while I looked for a way to live. I somehow managed to get hired as an assistant barista at the local mom & pop coffee house. It was a temporary summer position, but I liked working, and the owners liked that. They promoted me two levels instead of letting me go in September and I got my training on the espresso machine. I have a knack for it, and I honestly love standing there for long busy shifts carefully hand crafting people their caffeine to get them through the day. 

I was saving up for the break of losing my summer job and hunting down a new one. Since I didn't need to do that, I thought maybe I should use it to go visit home in LA. Maybe I should go on a trip and see all the things I grew up around. 

Eat donuts where I used to with my dad on Sundays as a kid. Smoke on the front steps of my high school like I used to before I dropped out. Go to six flags on acid again and fall asleep on the ride back at the end of the day. Spend hours lounging in the bookstore where my older sister first worked. Go to Philippe's in downtown and get a bomb ass French dip sandwich. Redo the last hike I did in town with my friends. Hang out at my brother's video game store in Burbank. Go to some music shows since there are always options in the city. Visit the graves of the one 16 year old and two 17 year olds I knew that have passed away in the last 6 months. 

I asked some friends what else I should do, so on to the list went to get a tattoo from a particular artist, eat good sushi, watch the sunset on a beach, and visit the aquarium of the Pacific. 

Of course it was also recommended that while I'm in my hometown I should visit my parents, but I haven't had contact with my mother in 16 months, and I'd much prefer to keep it that way. The fear I've been free of since I moved jumps back into my heart at the thought of being in the same city as her again. I try my best to keep myself calm with a mantra of ""She doesn't know where you live; she doesn't know where you sleep; she doesn't even know who you are.""
It doesn't work but I try. 

Maybe I should go on a trip. Drive to Denver and fly to Los Angeles. Away from the tiny town where I greet everyone by name and ask if they're doin the usual today, and if they're getting their mom or wife or boyfriend the same as usual as well, and how're the new puppies their uncle's dog had last week? Away from the town where we have no uber because you can just walk or bike everywhere. Away from the town where the cop that pulls you over lets you off with a warning because he realized he forgot to tip yesterday. Away from the town where all of the elderly people know I'm a nice guy despite the piercings and my odd sense of style. 

Maybe I should go on a trip. To Los Angeles, to where people stay up past 10 pm, where people party, to where traffic has been pretty much the worst in the world for like a decade, and where everything costs twice as much, to where old people still stare at me like ""wtf is this kid doing,"" where I can't keep up with the drinkers, where there are tons of places to buy rad clothes (maybe I'll stop wearing plain black/grey t shirts every day,) where you can get stupidly dyed food more meant for pictures than eating, where I could paint my nails and wear a god damn dress if I wanted to and strangers are more likely to yell that they dig me wearing that shit as a dude than to yell slurs. To where it's never completely quiet late at night, my asthma gets riled up by the smog, public transport is extremely unreliable, and the tallest building is 73 floors, not just three. 
To where there are hundreds of tall enough buildings. 

Maybe I should go on a trip. To home. To where I loved someone for the first time. To where my parents told me I wasn't their child anymore. To where I tried to kill myself 19 different times. To where a cop slammed my face repeatedly onto a table until I admitted to something I didn't do. To where I hurt and where I lost, to where I lived and where I left. 

Maybe I should go on a trip since my small town has no tall buildings, and the last morning I should stand at the edge of the top of one. Deeply breathe in the smog that's only now starting to fill with a new morning's sunlight. Listen to nothing but wind, honking car horns, the occasional bird maybe, and my own shaky uneven breath. Maybe I'll just barely be able to hear my teardrops splatting as they roll off my chin. 

Maybe I should go on a trip. Then maybe at the end, I should just go. ",5.917752451630001,5.080045252672498,5.685359837441473,87.62428147362844,66.83284742468415,8.610944429719941,29.10753600141356,7.277327726719843,1.3665613605442175,3931,107,875,29,55,1219,450,1029,0.079,0.828,0.092,0.8934,5,0,3,0,0,1,100.0,2,7,8,10,52,32,4,2,80,0,58,22,13,3,5,105,118,50,2,18,17,9,1,7,2,11,1,5,4,4,20,36,6,5,15,6,6,45,14,11,1,12,26,12,100,22,160,76,20,219,3,4,5,3,57,112,3,12,62,543,120,11,0.045026146080578464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03600739275314007,0.037465360508399666,0.048785810466581626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465383802556338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008281610903339,0.08418673700480737,0.0,0.21151773206398325,0.06924465407566796,0.0,0.054895041466284336,0.0,0.038313933982212334,0.0,0.04725216241910817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590715676447981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720905750720855,0.0,0.0,0.03594971383448989,0.0,0.0,0.11615255720738313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047042739327524216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821896469037118,0.037613567421451236,0.0,0.07975960191838226,0.09304809029753304,0.0,0.02973934483452474,0.0,0.03793647003464404,0.04302441213309252,0.0404665967945646,0.0,0.0,0.050666932354396926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765984337090453,0.054445794566918684,0.04936884513962074,0.0695741775393407,0.0,0.1646701205901924,0.0,0.3582515502375089,0.03776579508135774,0.03601152223736196,0.0,0.0,0.044582963620375234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074773903343264,0.05335619989792638,0.0,0.047572595441092935,0.1354946871791151,0.0,0.04434168406292826,0.051954127250895085,0.0482014206321627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893630046733177,0.12006392238858962,0.049814759459614194,0.0,0.0989807694017508,0.18351159307667486,0.05079145397977055,0.0,0.048921039461273866,0.09208456996424336,0.0,0.15398250431537894,0.0,0.15903564762555014,0.03984672239112511,0.03781062258302085,0.05037274022204513,0.0491513573179866,0.0,0.08127570955166831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975829722964044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546815620354527,0.071878880454054,0.09571133512622576,0.09929819443198018,0.03338631679452355,0.034726939631200014,0.1304595973808939,0.0,0.04225398794183775,0.0,0.043203801526190175,0.0,0.14174209829562867,0.0,0.09153264561005864,0.03424441305012902,0.0,0.0,0.0999924134746874,0.0,0.042982551248537566,0.15607730185882826,0.0,0.09408547865504843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045807777755659564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045568863664758916,0.035880008871436136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046218691908608334,0.14898437330083852,0.0,0.0450586634247912,0.0,0.038150507458707364,0.03466332703129753,0.0,0.0,0.031869737944135466,0.04799188080253081,0.03595793842259394,0.03764387426072354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042436609818394214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991337074059478,0.057701872664681214,0.0,0.071491461037313,0.05251021574052085,0.0,0.042679521715315874,0.04302441213309252,0.0,0.09170939278458022,0.0,0.08796800433162442,0.0,0.0,0.1166644006041816,0.09917987732350687,0.0,0.026557587545543968,0.07147931792835023,0.03611725845057618,0.0,0.040483912749199935,0.04173968851435059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833871181641826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698608550711655
suicidewatch,connorhall70,2018/02/21,"Lost everything today. I’m 19, Male, living in the UK...

so I got kicked out of college... or I’m led to believe. Was told to go home, was told I’ll be given an explanation soon. I also dropped out of school on my last year and haven’t passed any GCSE’s, any being English and maths.
Even though I already know why I’ve been kicked out, here’s not the place to explain that though. 

My self confidence was already at an all time low, and life surprises me again by showing my it can go even lower.

I’m ashamed of myself. Can’t even look at myself in the mirror without questioning if it’s really me who I see in the reflection. I don’t ‘look’ like a failure. I take good care of myself and hygiene. 

I’m ashamed of myself because I know for a fact people look down at me, my whole family. Nobody is proud of me because there’s literally nothing to be proud of. 

There’s no way I can fix any of this.
I have been talking to one girl from up north who I really like (and she really likes me too) but after today I can’t even talk to her anymore; I question why she’d want to talk to me of all people. I have nothing to offer her in the future.

So to sum it all up, I’m a complete failure, I have nothing left for me, My entire family has nothing good to say about me.

I feel alone. I have no friends who are there for me. 

Looking back at the 19 years I’ve spent on this earth I’ve never done a single thing right. I can’t trust myself with anything anymore. 

I cannot mentally accept what’s going on and all I thought about since the moment I walked out of the college’s front doors was suicide. I don’t give a fuck if I’ll be known as a coward by everybody. It’s better than living with myself. 

I don’t want attention. I just wanted to put this somewhere because I have nobody to say it to.
Just that part is an example of me being a cowardly little bitch. I have parents, an entire family to say this to but I can’t get myself to do it. I’ll make myself look even more stupid. 

There’s enough issues with my family, they don’t need another one, especially one like this. 

I’m tempted to self harm but I don’t know how to go about doing it or even if it’s worth it. 

I’ve been seen about suicide before and I’ve got to be honest and say it was the worst support possible. 

If it came down to it I probably wouldn’t even do it. 
Too much of a pussy - story of my life 
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suicidewatch,totallyfblthplost,2018/02/21,"Socially awkward drunk here I have a touch of what you might call a drinking problem. My partner has stopped taking my suicidal ideation seriously because it's so goddamn commonplace, how could he take it seriously? I do love people, so I get drunk, make a fool, and tell them as much. Sober up, hide from them, repeat indefinitely. I'm scared of fucking everything and I can't do it anymore. I ruined my life because of fear. I don't want to die, but I don't feel that I can properly live in this world. I feel that I am supposed to die because there isn't room for people like me on this planet. My partner is sustaining me, because I am barely working. He wouldn't leave me for anything, and I wouldn't leave him. But he deserves a partner. Not a fucking welfare case.",2.4456798245614024,4.760119401315794,3.8883157894736833,85.23387719298245,78.67105263157895,6.421754385964912,29.870175438596487,7.554174236665415,2.0078459649122813,607,30,117,9,15,200,93,152,0.18,0.721,0.099,-0.5955,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,2,1,5,12,2,3,5,0,16,7,0,2,0,18,27,9,3,5,3,0,3,1,3,3,1,0,1,3,8,3,3,1,2,3,0,0,7,10,0,0,0,3,23,2,12,23,1,7,0,1,0,3,14,5,2,2,3,76,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497894391760692,0.0,0.0,0.1285978034707396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38104565828753983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957026939016467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247697606870856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243694679532593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308618893665568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044639189963815,0.0,0.0,0.17584843800736644,0.15803073125623546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889402351472277,0.08164520201326447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309370708419497,0.0,0.0,0.11037890227489708,0.0763461678796284,0.0,0.1379902478939797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410407726348265,0.0,0.10431217541723813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577894607742982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487724225917255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667741436015628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953034170061208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645463686684896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592987108930438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064964034120144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093522400228686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349928441308987,0.0,0.13658783286592527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217274601237073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376722492701576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedeaddontevendie,2018/02/21,"death seems right Someone give me a valid reason to not go on a fucking murder spree for all those who caused my eternal suffering, they made me suffer why can't they?",14.195454545454545,7.178370363636365,11.94060606060606,68.2309090909091,57.48484848484848,14.412121212121216,45.12121212121213,8.841846274778883,4.224721212121212,134,4,26,1,1,41,30,33,0.373,0.627,0.0,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,6,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,5,1,4,0,2,0,1,4,2,1,1,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588306094359658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229251825400977,0.0,0.3350834611323793,0.1985170599378867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305191364392795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35914186900962874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983030267679365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31799251706435955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959634703366394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151918100341093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fmlnc1996,2018/02/21,"Why not? Ive never used reddit idk if I’m doing this right 

Yesterday a community I’m in ganged up on one kid with screen shots that made him seem racist. Idk if they’re real but I wanted to say that we should wait until there’s more than just blurry screenshots, and over the next hour I horn 80+ notifications, some reasonable, many calling me an aid to racism, defending and condoning racism, and no one would listen to me. People that I’ve been friends with for years have no ostracized me and decided that since they think I’m defending racism I’m a garbage person, and can’t be their friends. 

This combined with a plethora of other things is pushing me towards the edge. I don’t want to die, but it’s apparent nobody wants me to live. If I didn’t want to leave my family with my $6,000~ in debt, I wouldn’t hesitate to hang myself to better all of their lives.",3.3210551948051936,4.89735094318182,4.263993506493507,86.88295454545454,73.6590909090909,7.755844155844157,23.935064935064936,8.418075326091056,1.3446701298701298,690,20,144,12,14,223,117,176,0.212,0.703,0.084,-0.979,2,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,1,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,12,0,0,3,2,35,26,11,1,10,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,9,10,0,1,4,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,3,3,19,3,23,19,3,15,0,0,1,0,12,7,0,5,6,89,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557562185065444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982942607993055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827758249792188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660221509400794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721264558713091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343425043848995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647654022745308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110191789264625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664086139589004,0.0,0.17854931409448135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582796576721007,0.0,0.18729646792934465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386752798939455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209346771733867,0.15377367833569572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004533247065244,0.0,0.1810718467312988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039817020320226,0.0,0.14005085094961706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603252009306492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568116692303149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700058629079288,0.11284507169702768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210370181194954,0.0,0.0,0.4155002577601083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891314280576613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510448306478625,0.0,0.0,0.1134099651928351
suicidewatch,enea92,2018/02/21,"Which is the best way to commit suicide (No Pain)? I'm turning 21 soon.I'm tired of everything.I've been mistreated,bullied,world forced me to not be myself and i don't know how to be myself anymore.I feel i'm a bad person..I wish i've had a reset button for my life.",-0.3149014778325139,1.8160563275862105,2.289704433497537,93.40431034482759,89.17241379310344,4.693596059113301,18.630541871921178,6.18269132825596,-0.07411133004926151,209,6,46,2,7,72,47,58,0.228,0.623,0.149,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,7,12,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,5,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588750734127052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32537366358182623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676833971380602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039291915755794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899433245057887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299103120045924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270719804551736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391394958743341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563517361055749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372405132574899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609971643617726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35653706720168754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FufufufuThrthrthr,2018/02/21,"Suicidal Everyone says they don't want me to die. But no-one cares enough to actually help me.

And I'm beyond caring if ""it gets better"". If tomorrow will be shit I may as well kill myself now. Not going to live through garbage to get some unspecified good.

I think it's natural to give up at some point. This is my point. I tried, I failed, so I'm giving up. 

If anyone cares about my garbage life:

I started a bachelor program. In my last semester I ignored the 4 papers to just be a loser and sleep. I sat two exams in the end. So I sorta applied for an illness based thing to pass based on those exams. But I can't remember if I even finished submitting the applications. Of the other two, I ignored 1 and did some work for another over the New Year. And tomorrow's the last day for me to hand it in. I haven't even close to finished because I slept all the time. 

Other than that, I pushed my friends away and just sleep at home. And browse the internet I guess. I've wasted 8 months of my life doing that. 

I applied to a Master's program and even booked tickets to the place. But I never submitted the ""proof you're in the final year of your degree"" and official grades because I didn't even finish. The application deadline is passed, they emailed me for the missing documents but I don't have them. I've stopped checking my emails. 

I can't wait a year for another application round. I'd kill myself before then. 

On a personal level, I'm overweight and basically the stereotype of a gross asocial loser. I tell myself I'm ""transgender"" but that's just a fantasy because I can't deal with my shitty life. And I got into an online relationship on that pretence. Which is basically catfishing.

I don't really expect anything from this place. Therapy and medication haven't helped in the long term. I hope you agree my life is at a dead end. I think I'll adapt this for my suicide note. ",2.2422338518890257,4.487283737400531,4.00235142304108,84.51578464406053,79.0,7.258699548354722,25.57380457380457,8.27314431278463,1.8137252706287192,1487,58,294,30,37,499,193,377,0.175,0.7559999999999999,0.07,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,3,47.0,0,2,3,6,14,18,3,0,25,0,20,12,5,0,3,46,43,24,6,7,13,0,2,0,1,2,7,1,1,1,15,14,1,4,3,3,1,4,11,10,1,2,5,3,47,8,44,34,6,51,0,4,1,0,17,23,1,11,24,192,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.09425271630369564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025549191379712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753425477225798,0.0,0.07948096304590603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074448732242124,0.0,0.0,0.17663137550428282,0.0,0.08218644986863889,0.0,0.0,0.08542130161451712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295423558420336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062289129096419066,0.0995745652560942,0.0,0.0,0.1002396502887365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710907193098736,0.09979779435023722,0.0,0.255173083975513,0.0,0.0,0.09229080189326698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058037971880675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462108507499486,0.0,0.10092301904003098,0.18530565411896768,0.0548913000976665,0.08101064812723976,0.07724759270161029,0.0,0.10639891535017744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294773517267223,0.0,0.0968823102362984,0.09593038141004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371327898339115,0.0,0.0,0.15745881226096242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728824666046471,0.0,0.0,0.08528604297702735,0.08547440348329058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729890504415746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709297102972518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744920603667561,0.09328208692087032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433401814345723,0.2018208696199131,0.0,0.18260748524677525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061874619942738435,0.0,0.0,0.10369580175717984,0.10941161569511074,0.0,0.0,0.07680801508309831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914278725083213,0.0,0.0,0.19330886692182175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836313444316028,0.0,0.0,0.08074911822489017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129592972030406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441926847535261,0.0,0.110453000344059,0.0,0.06416657046794716,0.1237751275367358,0.0,0.0,0.056319304297404026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557465852216651,0.0,0.18869839837907967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696814737054065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684122771608824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031479820195265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659210404023796
suicidewatch,suxnips,2018/02/21,"I feel no sorrow when I think about killing myself All I see is that it would free me from the shitty person I am, it would set my spirit free. Im not functional in the human world. I dont feel any pain when I think about doing it, it calms me and I am pretty sure I would find peace by doing it.",5.84090909090909,3.1665321818181837,6.756666666666668,85.80499999999998,68.0909090909091,9.406060606060604,25.03030303030303,6.42735559955562,0.7150666666666661,228,2,56,1,3,77,43,66,0.17,0.551,0.279,0.7719,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,2,12,14,3,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,12,6,5,11,1,5,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662993178617119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28660549100025234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472990933019783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351014598522048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26415109157348976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705533503683655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602136412832197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135276878187068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487906772845263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948710927588389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304812286396725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133897491689145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211542955926817,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDnR666,2018/02/21,"Can I die now? My teacher found out i'm depressed...
",-1.9809090909090905,-0.33356499999999656,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,108.0909090909091,2.2,23.681818181818183,3.1291,-0.27267272727272696,39,2,9,0,2,13,10,11,0.328,0.672,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955272345938516,0.0,0.5970973073061425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6308150009182754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PvtPretzels,2018/02/21,"Need help to sort out life Hey there. So I am a young guy, 18 becoming 19 soon, who's been through some sh*t recently. 

I need some help getting my life back on track.

I've had numerous traumas and physical (and mental) illness recently, one of them having the unfortunate symptoms of chronic pain.

For the last 2 years I have been in and out of this haze of being ""off-track"", being on benefits, sleeping a lot and then sleeping not at all, going completely insane because of chronic pain and anxiety and depression. I've been in and out of odd jobs for 2 years (since I got sick) but not been able to hold anything for long enough due to the illness.

However, recently my doctors told me that my ""illness"" had disappeared, or that it was just a temporary ""dramatic"" results after a bad surgery. I'm feeling good now, no chronic pain.

I've gained a little weight, and my body is a wreck after pretty much staying dormant for that entire time. I had to drop out of college, and my cognitive abilities have severely declined.

I was generally considered a very highly driven, smart and a great student. I love learning.

Right now, I am a wreck, I can't focus, I am depressed, a little anxious and experiencing mental exhaustion almost weekly.

I have a hard time connecting properly with people, despite having a good few select friends, and I am generally liked by a lot of people.

Everything seems very out of reach, I'm somehow stuck in the ""sick"" mentality still. I can't get out. I want to get back into school but it seems impossible, anxiety gets triggered by just thinking about walking into college again. I try and get out of this mentality, I go to the gym once, and then suddenly I relapse and I'm back at the start.
Life for me should be good, I am achieving great success in my main interest, I'm a very successful artist too, but something just feels off!

On the more mental side, I have immense disbelief in everyone and ""the system"", everything feels fake. I feel betrayed and lost, I'm addicted to my computer, phone, social media and netflix. I seem to ""relapse"" into my chair and onto netflix. I don't want to be using social media so much but I almost always seem to need it as if it was an addiction to tobacco.

This causes me to have hard times connecting with people and making new genuine friends, I feel as if I no longer am a nice person, I've just become a grumpy traumatised guy that is isolated at his chair.

I can't afford a psychiatrist, and the ones I used to have and that really worked for me, are no longer available. I live in a small town so the ""selection"" of psychiatrists are small, I've tried most and most didn't work out for me.

I mentioned earlier that I experience mental exhaustion almost weekly, not due to any overperforming or anything, but rather the fact that I am unable to handle the stress of this entire mess alltogether. I sometimes get urges to just ""shut-off"" but my brain just won't stop, it goes on and on. If you've seen the movie Hot Fuzz, you could compare me to Nicholas Angel (the one played by Simon Pegg) - Someone who is unable to shut-off.

I've had suicidal moments but I always manage to get myself out of that hole, depression isn't the problem here I think. I am very desperate for help but I am unable to find any in family or friends.

tl;dr

I'd like control of my life back, get out of the ""sickness mentality"", become a strong and smart individual with all that drive back.
I hope this made some sense to you, if you have any suggestions, I'd very much appreciate it.",5.569856071763287,6.355522156111933,6.4513840540902425,76.29512133485073,67.4977908689249,9.707336992904004,32.22121435265765,9.800150414767053,3.1220924889543444,2780,114,513,60,44,922,301,679,0.152,0.688,0.16,0.9566,3,0,2,0,0,0,107.0,0,3,1,10,25,36,0,1,36,0,47,28,4,8,3,116,91,47,1,14,25,0,10,2,3,2,22,0,0,3,22,41,1,3,13,5,0,6,13,15,0,3,19,12,59,21,86,65,16,81,1,4,1,1,24,38,0,25,36,341,81,14,0.056084359199443705,0.0,0.0,0.12228045977946772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848115310802414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333335935655744,0.0,0.0,0.11441786241074055,0.0,0.08580876255586546,0.06335936211720931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923052978480793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562705171740812,0.046828097286286716,0.03418850481177908,0.1858223052344044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062297079756846216,0.0,0.06260869307778959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576140860455879,0.0,0.0,0.05880338357102988,0.0,0.06290337779203582,0.04477879719491282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491612919179284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057404718138413226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795013534724967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053591008657480566,0.10081001141620516,0.05486126504183437,0.052871342473089854,0.0,0.1417896857884089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126008825445589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299919103826659,0.0,0.234414103081185,0.0,0.0637480675952176,0.14112269877628225,0.04485578545551185,0.12366640802513558,0.0,0.11106466635568348,0.0,0.0,0.1004811395037752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127764912915008,0.059256204739204225,0.0,0.05570442335744922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055655072546856615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045716238227254284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584561660564701,0.054799969948880436,0.11242252361533243,0.0495235166862016,0.04963289301964763,0.0,0.0,0.06122270322734118,0.09536183319140526,0.050618323857075515,0.0530683767375878,0.03743674526781512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956389002368321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368537148200515,0.12475752511215744,0.0,0.05416662359858551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059728012151934635,0.1140126398045027,0.0,0.17903313728862902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664549896851492,0.04897069917837457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057057955996923565,0.0,0.05366515739571165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035929076625257135,0.0,0.16612961592582765,0.0,0.0,0.047895736316592497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056760365710872875,0.0,0.20422837693581428,0.0,0.06335936211720931,0.0,0.04639356148955627,0.0,0.11224972530584212,0.11434188266787285,0.04752009554906396,0.04317647974561232,0.05546886532160124,0.0,0.039696798105978856,0.0597784646451679,0.04478904170379594,0.04688903558210082,0.0642444439736928,0.0,0.0,0.06134718610434635,0.0,0.0,0.058293123525822686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718731855756678,0.0,0.0,0.09810972260299496,0.0,0.0,0.053591008657480566,0.0,0.07615519684479273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687775835197808,0.0,0.2313773498439723,0.06616001630294649,0.0,0.08997497998679414,0.06829564029058491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166016291737851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223297705299223
suicidewatch,Throwmeaway23230,2018/02/21,I'm done I can't take this pain I'm in all the time. I don't want to be alive anymore. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I can't stop making mistakes. I have to go get my things in order.. there's a train near where I live. So that should work. I just want this pain to end. What is so wrong about wanting to end your own suffering? I can't do this anymore. To anyone reading this..thank you. Thank you for everything,-1.8008294930875586,0.1033906451612907,0.45017665130568574,103.66669354838713,99.53763440860214,3.5173579109062985,14.16973886328725,5.288315135182226,-1.255174500768049,322,7,82,2,14,106,59,93,0.21,0.667,0.123,-0.8514,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,3,0,2,6,8,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,1,1,12,22,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,1,13,2,10,19,2,10,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,49,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601233826557382,0.12695305899584544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580196853895053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216218237016877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631771015280001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180369936868868,0.12970863106001548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948591646819434,0.0,0.10318642714216064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870250220646618,0.0,0.16032344003938662,0.0,0.0,0.20312253553677356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119470075691614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332685465548887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863916292944273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816121161392437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179478332050944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651276713645485,0.0,0.0,0.33431760127652776,0.0,0.0,0.12062237798653665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587083525515373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212716538476045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218001375030206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851061925783825,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drewtomlinson,2018/02/21,I'm a 15yr old drop out who's given up. I'm 15 I dropped out of school about a year a go I just could never get myself out of bed on a morning and all I do now is sleep all day and play video games all night. I'm done i'm sad all the time the only thing that takes me away from everything is playing guitar and singing but i'm not the best singer so I know I can't go into that so what is the point of my life I feel at this point my mum has given up on me just everyone in general. I just don't see the point of my life all I do is sleep and play video games and too some people that's heaven but for me it's boring and each day I get sadder and sadder I cry most days just thinking about everything and I have no motivation to do anything. Please help me out.,-0.2604563894523331,1.3472872816091979,2.0327991886409755,98.71859026369171,84.22988505747126,5.243542934415147,16.55713319810683,6.2272716619740125,-0.663026639621366,593,11,153,5,17,201,94,174,0.15,0.738,0.112,-0.8403,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,9,0,13,4,2,1,6,35,29,12,0,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,14,0,0,4,9,0,2,5,2,0,0,3,2,19,5,21,25,9,28,1,1,1,0,5,15,0,2,9,100,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085819447201716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940256527141488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687949069680855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269628653644358,0.0,0.17467371222954078,0.30766019898691843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273053642756835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194843191761764,0.2858300961303392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040423555130494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661605942622473,0.0,0.18074709081855506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065863561705416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739208716013604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463811153326205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264441884610901,0.0,0.0,0.14922754063825674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668625516300616,0.0,0.0,0.12094028963859073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024299972777793,0.0,0.0,0.17455391799476394,0.4509699851523003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093461908808024,0.126716689779279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31826551077659604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956168171958866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564443654321733,0.10189225878306203,0.0,0.0,0.09272462476356493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240232336447516
suicidewatch,ascelian,2018/02/21,"Back to the start. I'm back where I was so long ago. But now everything's worse. I thought I had nothing before, but I lost even more and more.

My grades are gone. I've fucked them all up by being so broken. In my senior year at that. I have less human contact than ever before. All I get is pity from the public now.

I have no confidence. No self esteem. And no clear mind to face that demon any more. I've tried. And tried. And tried. For so long. And nothing. I can only lose and do harm. I have less than nothing. I don't know why I kept trying. I have nothing to live for.

Everything. Hurts. So badly. My mind is constantly screaming at me, even at home where I'm supposed to be comfortable. There isn't anywhere I'm comfortable with anymore, let alone anyone. I used to love being alone but now it kills me. But the alternative only makes me suffer more.

I don't want to keep trying anymore. I'm a horrible human being. I want to die.",-0.8371565394881451,1.1972886632124364,1.364484220442769,95.69671533992779,102.78238341968913,3.997425027476841,15.693044433977075,5.941861826196647,-0.444387219343696,724,19,155,8,33,240,102,193,0.293,0.591,0.117,-0.9917,0,2,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,1,2,15,13,2,0,4,0,19,3,1,2,4,25,37,14,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,6,1,22,3,19,26,8,21,1,5,0,2,7,7,1,0,13,103,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070056486091372,0.0,0.0,0.2353130614402449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725267730936829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532362982062226,0.07943256519147243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747045437961097,0.09485221483205117,0.0,0.0,0.19333242245912974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276248522062512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790005802509047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150064975887764,0.10275874364426596,0.0,0.0,0.2041947765166108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502243230411026,0.05935191197601367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395121556751768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161238025197167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097392146378356,0.1256828406738038,0.0,0.06243222091926522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616487222742253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003118964078404,0.20106688523577806,0.0,0.12709062840628318,0.12400907437294598,0.0,0.10252947284141917,0.0,0.07582964951675387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940955419193576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43601346770496735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279758674079632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185107745719576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804074784220524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018662344816282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856386181750104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811491903537496,0.0,0.0,0.1340098027321901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250736802790822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576927670802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315541581267113
suicidewatch,arebearspeople,2018/02/21,"It’s my 21st birthday today, and the birthdays just keep getting more depressing every year. The title says it all basically.

I haven’t had a birthday that I can remember where anyone actually celebrated it with me, and it pretty much always has resulted in me wishing for the day I outlive my parents, just so I can finally do it without killing them too. On my 18th birthday, I just took a bunch of edibles and turned my brain off, for this one, similar.


I’m a fucked up product of a messy divorce in which my parents drained about 2 million fitting with each other with lawyers, and fighting over my sister and I. My 4-years-older sister took her anger out on me, and my mom’s love was extremely conditional. It’s left me with fucked up sexual and romantic desires, and made me insecure and inept at socialization. 

I’m a strong submissive and really desire finding someone also into all of that, but the pickings are extremely slim, and I’ve usually just ended up with sociopathic women that will eventually kill me. I don’t know how to have a relationship on equal terms with someone, much less play a leading role, and it’s basically a condemnation to eventually marry someone that will destroy me, either that or to live alone, with nothing but my fucked up thoughts and weed.

I made somewhat decent friends in high school, at least those I could pretend were friends— but pretty much all of them have moved on with their lives and I’ve gotten more and more isolated socially. I went to college on the west coast freshman year, then sophomore year I transferred to a better east coast school, but I really don’t have any quality friends at all, and anytime I try I just say the wrong thing and feel awkward or just simply get ghosted. I have a few guy friends but we just smoke and play Xbox together.

Sorry for the long ramble, I’m just having a rough night ",8.282977651872834,7.542444305949013,8.203942398489144,71.17391485678316,62.03116147308781,11.243877872206486,39.15785332074285,10.504223727775694,4.1381137551148885,1492,69,264,30,18,483,192,353,0.149,0.741,0.11,-0.9438,2,1,1,0,3,1,34.0,1,0,3,3,14,20,8,2,18,0,19,5,1,6,4,68,40,29,3,4,17,5,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,17,30,0,1,5,4,0,5,4,12,0,2,10,4,36,8,41,27,19,42,0,1,0,4,24,25,3,3,12,190,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.09577654166985586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164987258884413,0.0,0.07848748742463924,0.0816655077451049,0.0,0.0,0.06674278731134936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862611094937973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868023455919788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956362751119368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783617612041028,0.0,0.0,0.06329618500605792,0.0,0.08453318550831382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692840933362686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269241361608075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962567194734003,0.0,0.0,0.10751437398960766,0.08970385643929818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274825515194687,0.2722037645681876,0.10255468614177413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971801768736004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036968578102511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723685960114863,0.21716847612116733,0.0,0.05393858940969523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663614263440854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332980033650436,0.08685630598215939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885807849946161,0.18573663099073398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494765311775815,0.0,0.10431388720112164,0.21644626813725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210356800789574,0.0,0.0941739340093639,0.0,0.10298793578114096,0.0,0.06650641087805441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795949928836336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969995635046156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574994859898414,0.0,0.0,0.10537229766391602,0.11118052169471687,0.0,0.0,0.15609960849259552,0.0,0.19865840542042384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009539930798576,0.2494768917264448,0.0,0.0,0.10986664499233384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520397980290478,0.0,0.0,0.07791712645795297,0.0,0.0,0.09303112965957104,0.0,0.2180880976728581,0.06663483303969872,0.10675489138190387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809418259708847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098251850219727,0.0,0.0,0.11286329603489118,0.09460944257381776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073074716715908,0.0,0.18960882114306984
suicidewatch,achooki,2018/02/21,"In a terrible place, your typical relationship issue I'm in a bad place redditers and I think I need help. Ive been drinking non stop, have wrote suicide notes that I have not followed through with. I went from a 3.7 gpa average college student to failing all my classes this quarter. I was in a relationship and I thought I was doing what was best for her, but as it played out it wasn't. I was planning on proposing this June but things took a turn for the worst, and we ended things. This breakup is wrecking me, and I recently met up with her on a trip to Los Angeles and I'm just broken. I don't know why I let her slip out my hands, but I feel so terrible that she has been going through so much heartbreak, I have been wanting to kill myself because I don't want to cause harm to other people. I have told myself that from now on I will never date again or ever get married, and usually I'd think I'm just being crazy but I feel like I just want to disappear from the world. The worst part is that I am still trying to talk to her, and get her to be mine because I love her but I feel like I am just making it harder for her to move on. I am a 23 year old male ready to just leave this world because no one needs me here. What should I do...",3.2268560606060603,3.808151609848487,4.388333333333335,89.72333333333336,72.67424242424242,7.381818181818183,26.78787878787879,7.3871296695380915,1.1449560606060598,971,32,221,10,18,319,141,264,0.21,0.708,0.08199999999999999,-0.9885,1,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,1,1,0,3,12,14,1,0,10,0,28,3,1,2,3,44,55,16,2,6,12,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,16,12,1,1,7,2,0,7,6,9,0,2,14,4,42,5,32,36,6,34,1,2,0,1,19,14,0,1,15,163,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055907074433023,0.2421526524355664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895895582397752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602431412154395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297140325872793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727834698029145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977486480712066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085551380907,0.1891913137574225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383603376386326,0.0,0.07525318690599403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875343936332063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820445330850198,0.0,0.0,0.1464950301688488,0.0,0.07277055513738323,0.0,0.0,0.14020592677140167,0.0,0.13540095346574801,0.0,0.12938031022968072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950762838089245,0.0,0.08838650315424862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073374115340787,0.09733856757064434,0.19636467340590666,0.10212483456973892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894485082510705,0.0,0.08972627005557185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339004684978984,0.0,0.09179829148033247,0.0,0.2766861705956062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074156346479532,0.2843233640710103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574495051608353,0.11070294337098774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483799858471352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064283097899346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593822379682855,0.16968941872869206,0.0,0.10512089042572843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652600598311084,0.1471153779714631,0.08989952916555369,0.1440269905926724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583387813434187,0.0,0.2343013173746501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274789629578385,0.11948186316660545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526943526289718
suicidewatch,whoamilurk,2018/02/21,"Fuck an interesting title Everyday I think about suicide. I’m literally fucking insane. My anxiety is constantly through the roof. My depression has me in a constant haze. I can’t talk to anyone (literally, my anxiety prevents me from speaking). I have delusional thoughts. I don’t trust people. I’m very defensive around others. When I’m out in public I can have full blown panic attacks. I’m nearly 24 years old but really I am still a scared little child who has a lot of fucking issues that I can’t relate to anyone with. Writing this I feel like my heart is gong to jump out of my chest. I don’t know what to do. This is fucking shit and I’m fucking done. Fuck this world. Fuck everything. I’ve tried my best but this life is not for me. This “it gets better bullshit” is exactly that, bullshit. A scar is a scar. It’s always going to be there. This is who I am. And I’m not living like this much longer.

The amount of times I have posted in this sub under different usernames is insane. I don’t know what I expect each time I post. There’s nothing anyone can do for me. There’s nothing I can do for myself.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I hate this fucking life.",0.6391310912834562,3.11501911489362,2.6311324639670564,89.70064516129034,89.76595744680849,5.415236787920383,20.77213452299245,6.968188349444268,0.7097604667124227,912,31,183,14,31,304,120,235,0.29,0.627,0.083,-0.996,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,2,7,26,17,2,8,0,28,18,3,0,1,22,55,5,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,18,7,0,2,5,0,0,2,7,20,0,0,2,2,27,6,23,52,6,24,0,1,0,13,7,11,14,1,11,120,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951742471898488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943818160744584,0.0,0.0,0.15004312732377165,0.0,0.0,0.06367551140364591,0.0,0.08137397127323064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506472596087786,0.06326112714962671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459375010857934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061607374320753236,0.0,0.0,0.07473203670022145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319846837617225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428518491938809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036166948272379915,0.05109995983047277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8596500435010652,0.03737067815137676,0.0,0.04065128310216077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061956462034663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476159224476093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465714859945391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862036307077752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104536041070213,0.06989040378532081,0.07169032736121847,0.06316095759352537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608109551307508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258166238216674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137267009846735,0.0,0.07505710653204281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392325866599974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958884119981943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700902154587252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582297536504862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161248592038065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342295600395525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057122735883905776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824054669967173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057491882127991216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458325612760974,0.0,0.056785622673837015,0.08341766287324055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048563142122141724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059018486405951136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046061995449621376
suicidewatch,throwaway_23232308,2018/02/21,"I feel like a burden to myself and everyone around me and it would be better just to end it all I feel like all I do is fuck up everything for myself and my friends and family, and they would be better off if i just off myself right now.

I make so many mistakes (in my education, my relationships, and even at work) all im doing is just taking up space and wasting resources.

I need help :(

Edit: using a throwaway for privacy ",2.8408803986710964,4.421518337209303,4.8432890365448475,82.22081395348839,74.93023255813954,7.70498338870432,23.913621262458467,8.418075326091056,1.52777607973422,331,10,66,6,7,114,54,86,0.15,0.6809999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.2075,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,7,8,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,3,23,15,9,0,5,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,14,5,11,11,3,11,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,4,54,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724536376820936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720536358296312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862969861522438,0.0,0.0,0.13892622780348582,0.0,0.0,0.2009869186551161,0.18903818076674628,0.0,0.19828789334313804,0.0,0.2127063681583571,0.30053093743821596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250657322567538,0.19445403923790136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098508965863207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272010729333845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552098903033106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040221045185292,0.21324966065784207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596291977255478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258242343234839,0.0,0.17962745430890767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814795647955382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166444917865066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531285278332572,0.0,0.0,0.2988360800559917,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway060644,2018/02/21,"I feel so close to doing it It’s a been over a year and it’s still eating away at me. Some people I considered my friends found out and told me more of the stuff that was going that didn’t know about and even laughed at me. it’s hurting me so much. I was already hurting why did this have to happen. Why can’t I just forget and let go. If I had a gun I would no doubt shoot myself tonight. I couldn’t find any drugs to OD on and there’s no garage space try carbon monoxide poising. I hate my self, the person who did this to me and how I feel so much. I just want it to end",0.6082875264270626,1.8682961007751933,2.247202255109233,99.83879492600424,80.24031007751938,5.000986610288937,18.704016913319236,4.851557810540192,-0.7490837209302326,443,9,114,1,11,145,80,129,0.17800000000000002,0.762,0.06,-0.9191,0,0,1,2,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,1,1,5,0,13,2,0,1,0,23,23,11,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,11,8,1,0,5,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,9,2,18,2,13,11,4,14,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,3,4,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771354146480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183865733770055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683318483927529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777505351165795,0.18333099532781136,0.0,0.0,0.15868741933572394,0.0,0.0,0.11833709725269508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118288082094966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375398551446815,0.0,0.0,0.1964456803284485,0.13842279074337932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036477207324193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843542547521267,0.0,0.0,0.17688880001533042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836006632159862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846465179390658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832088227222948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26341445778080924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242107716345162,0.15644036982694515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869086503769262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308176860645094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510158790464014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712002759698714,0.0,0.12164158730149685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567643092545702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233379223279634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727400299899586,0.0,0.0,0.11537668272522325
suicidewatch,throwaway122998443,2018/02/21,"I haven’t had anyone to talk to for years, just thought I’d vent a little for the first time in forever. I guess the title is a bit misleading; in literal terms, I have tons of people to talk to. I have a therapist, a fianceé, parents, a sister, friends...but no one can do anything to help. Even if I were to talk to them, it wouldn’t mean a thing because vent doesn’t make me feel better at this point. All it does is scare them, and I don’t want to put them through that.

I’ve been lying to everyone for so long. I keep acting like I’m getting better so I don’t disappoint or scare anyone. I don’t know how to drop the act. I don’t want to go back to the hospital. It won’t help.

I used to self harm badly, and only stopped so they wouldn’t know how I actually feel. I used to have a severe eating disorder that to this day no one knows happened. I used to have a ‘depressed’ Instagram account with over 3k subscribers where I would post sick photos of my weight loss and self harm. I lost a lot of friends when it got deleted.

I vent in a bloody notebook no one’s seen, and in Tumblr drafts I’ll never post. It’s so lonely when I know no one will reply and that it’s really just my own fault.

I can’t get a job. My anxiety is so bad it’s hard to even put in applications, and when I do, I can never bring myself to make a follow up call. I have Tourette’s, and I’m convinced no one will hire me because they’re off-putting. I always wanted to go study abroad in Japan and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to because I’m transgender and can’t go off my hormones.

I’ve never told anyone that I hear things. That I’m paranoid I’m being watched. I lie and say I’m taking my meds because no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember to take them every day, and all anyone ever tells me is to “set phone reminders” or leave them where you’ll see them”. That doesn’t help. They just look disappointed when I say it doesn’t.

There’s nothing here for me. 

I only stay because of my fianceé and my best friend, but when I’m away from them, it hurts so much. I don’t want to force them to be with me all the time, that’s not right, but when I’m alone, it feels like the universe is so much bigger than I’ll ever be.

If I had the supplies to suffocate myself with gas I probably would. I don’t want a dramatic death, I just want to go peacefully, to wherever is next. Anywhere has to be better than this place that works so hard to tell me that who I am as a person is wrong, that I’m worthless if I can’t properly contribute to society.

Advice doesn’t help me anymore, and I don’t even know what I’m looking for, which is why I’ve avoided saying anything. I don’t want to use anyone as a punching bag. It’s been done to me and that sucks.

I guess it’s comforting seeing so many people here that feel the way I do.

I wish I had gone through with it before, before I got to know my fianceé. 

I wish I could take them with me and we could go somewhere nicer.",1.989135541008853,3.0538542798742165,3.70254396098062,91.63524258760107,76.16981132075472,6.764163778719035,23.199717622898213,7.209633053413488,0.6409267488127329,2286,65,533,25,49,767,252,636,0.139,0.763,0.097,-0.9443,2,4,0,0,0,0,68.0,1,1,11,8,34,28,1,3,23,0,60,3,0,9,9,87,126,42,1,18,12,2,8,2,2,8,1,4,0,3,33,21,2,3,14,0,1,12,31,18,0,6,14,18,78,10,65,97,11,59,0,8,6,0,37,18,1,8,25,339,111,3,0.06132097934295699,0.0,0.059840430181111716,0.0,0.0,0.059922151311592876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351004115954714,0.0,0.0,0.0510239671345751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046910381354460746,0.0,0.060813934069529875,0.21438527270191024,0.0,0.1009238822263963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057613078655911434,0.04715204799657247,0.10240091274470156,0.18690349923356928,0.0,0.10435927383463399,0.0,0.06435258461665247,0.16270026909694812,0.0669466274481021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626155760056649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791962454369793,0.0,0.0,0.0790939174363162,0.0,0.05281566965357761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027915492753375,0.0,0.05366240225780923,0.06275265205713271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274667066712054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150578557227948,0.16640500952407886,0.05166556984859379,0.058594823615033674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402291858028933,0.04380771989511949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521595937032824,0.0,0.0,0.09475287305420482,0.0,0.06407536155321586,0.0,0.17425062851562978,0.0,0.09808797791726699,0.0,0.13510394426921485,0.0,0.05422593951733262,0.0,0.1647946584703662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911320039254214,0.0,0.16440863945126155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564537665729654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060851610015549916,0.05450490396882833,0.0,0.0,0.20220243938841587,0.0,0.0,0.06493006307374645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991666612932065,0.061459730900939626,0.0,0.05426713705983102,0.10298835712958612,0.0,0.06693909270806132,0.05213290377840917,0.0,0.0,0.0818644597532641,0.06216984834547079,0.0,0.0667965233655753,0.0681137842247826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015595099877363,0.0,0.14188355876325795,0.0,0.06521555720257785,0.0,0.0,0.05883913351552573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776341301103346,0.09327473603895303,0.0,0.0,0.06808969071170998,0.0,0.0,0.08502449209010082,0.05354311390183545,0.06406737190824133,0.0,0.057968146171239736,0.0,0.11745709505248443,0.0,0.0661143872173057,0.0,0.0,0.1849335636234426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03928378958051401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946471578505778,0.052367781306746485,0.0,0.14629471205223085,0.12278599570727684,0.0,0.0977297625647548,0.0,0.12794231012673546,0.06927525233471618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536000496367238,0.0,0.05126708450240613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831723492759154,0.14786244119536507,0.10719447755463332,0.0,0.0,0.07119838333124301,0.08147786781393843,0.03929200753034328,0.0,0.04868200797844704,0.0715135123702625,0.0,0.0,0.058594823615033674,0.0,0.041632919759067855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184655057100307,0.0,0.0,0.2531809167178685,0.048673739145794405,0.0,0.0746724328717037,0.0,0.0,0.05533264598882032,0.0,0.14103219992357888,0.0,0.0,0.044642403291011816,0.0,0.0,0.08712132868077678,0.06704486458291553,0.0,0.03948870020958318
suicidewatch,accnumber567,2018/02/21,"This is my note. This is my note.           
Dear Mom, Dear Dad, Dear whoever is reading this.           
I'm sorry.            
I’ve disappointed you and so many people. I’m such a waste of money. I can’t even live like a normal person in this country.        
I know ever since I graduated high school with straight A's along with getting accepted into a top university, you’ve expected that I will be the pride of the family. I’m sorry that didn’t come true. I’m sorry I dropped out and didn’t become the leader you wanted.        
You would always find me in my room most of the days for the past few years. I would be browsing the internet reading random things, drawing, or maybe play some games sometimes. It was one of my ways of coping through life and feeling a sense of comfort in this mess.              
All throughout school I would always feel like an unimportant background character who would always mess up and be awkward to talk with. I’m sorry I wasn’t talkative enough. The only time I felt socially comfortable at school was at Grade 11 and 12. It was the only time I had close friends who lasted more than two years.         
You can usually find me being quiet or barely interacting in new social groups. I would harbor any negative feelings in my chest. At some points in life I would become so upset I burst into tears like the embarrassment I am. I’m sorry I wasn’t tough enough.               
I am alone now. I can’t find my home. I didn’t turn out the way anyone expected me to be.             
I’m sorry I didn’t become your top uni alumni.        
I’m sorry I didn’t get into sports.           
I’m sorry I wasn’t more social in school.         
I’m sorry for being sensitive.              
I’m sorry I didn’t become a good example as a big brother.            
I’m sorry if I didn’t fulfill your hopes.             
I feel as long as I’m alive, I’ll always be a taint of disappointment with no future.            
I don’t belong in this country. I don’t belong in this time period.             
I was never meant to be able to become an adult.                
I’m sorry.               
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suicidewatch,RedditorLink,2018/02/21,"I just want it to be over 30 y/o make, nearly. My job is not giving enough hours, my college degree doesn't do shit and the fact is I never wanted any of this anyway. My roommate's student just committed suicide and He's a wreck so that takes that option away from me. Sure...things could be much worse. But I just want to be able to to do it and I feel like all the pressure is on me not to do it. And besides that, my one outlet on the whole fucking internet is now gone. Page not found. A fucking 404 error. So now not only am I a 30 y.o sack of garbage without a good job and a shitty demeanor, but now I can't even vent about it privately on a space where I anonymously journal my deepest and darkest thoughts. I've suicidal since I was a teen. Tonight is the first and only night I stopped in front a moving car...but it fucking avoided me.

Damn it all to hell.",1.5330122950819671,3.1396533224043743,3.1208982240437173,93.05872438524591,78.61748633879782,5.6678961748633885,24.552254098360656,6.322622252153567,0.5866942622950817,670,24,150,5,16,221,110,183,0.225,0.735,0.04,-0.9892,2,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,12,10,6,2,12,0,16,4,1,1,5,33,29,11,2,4,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,3,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,4,1,17,2,18,21,6,21,1,0,0,3,2,9,6,1,10,105,27,4,0.1513457622042311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029203081662034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219432558871406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083727600332443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638062962935395,0.0,0.09996244856001643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652496480180175,0.10812144275901586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287346280159005,0.0,0.16594281650104215,0.0,0.4197501552140698,0.0,0.1451846458815779,0.0,0.1269416447858568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904508948896625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30037463190697705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393989464325139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102447149042793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085659363717342,0.11125654928669912,0.0,0.1167271819821885,0.0,0.0,0.1420277453855688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255580532869893,0.2302105441151143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535425000560008,0.12519477845929286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653183401736626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310953988804496,0.0,0.14264158977396352,0.0,0.1137931779650786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201516297044717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678029553446278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689721386322629,0.0,0.1458919139787599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542342615163058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youthfulxpression,2018/02/21,"I Wish I Could Do It I like subheadings so I’m gonna break this down piece by piece.

Context: I graduated college in December. Now I’m working a low level customer service job again. This job is at a company that I’ve worked at before, but not this exact store. I don’t know anyone there, and I’m put in a low level power of authority (like a shift manager). No one there really likes me very much, and I have a bad habit of being mean when I feel threatened.

Diagnosis: I’ve been in and out of therapy for about 7 years, and I take medication. Officially I have severe depression, anxiety, and paranoid episodes.


Work life: Basically, right now I’m not doing what I want to do at all. I’m stuck doing a job I hate, with people I don’t care for, and making shit money. I’ve already tried applying for “real jobs” but it just isn’t working because I do not have enough experience or a strong enough portfolio. My work environment is toxic, and I can already feel it driving me insane.

Dating life: I can’t get a date. I have tried almost every dating app, and still no luck. Of course I’ve tried in person too, and it just doesn’t happen. I’ve had horrible luck with women. For example, a girl I dated dumped me and then fucked my roommate behind my back. I think most women don’t want to be around me because my life is so stressful at times. I try not to let it get to me, but as I’m sure we all know there is a breaking point.

Family life: I guess in the grand scheme of things I have a “loving” family. My parents are still married, and they try to support me and do their best. However. my mom is constantly on my ass about how I should be trying to move out, pay more of my bills, take on responsibility, etc. I am the oldest and I have younger siblings who would be devastated if anything happened to me.


However, in spite of everything I just feel so worn down, defeated, and depressed. Sometimes I wish I could just do it, and end this miserable existence of mine.


I’m in bed right now, I’m not feeling actively suicidal but I definitely do not want to be alive. I’d love some advice, thoughts, or whatever you have, if you don’t mind.

Please and thanks

-M

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suicidewatch,Bexirt,2018/02/21,Why not just end it all? Sometimes I ponder upon this and everyone around me treats me like shit.Sometimes it is too much for me to handle and it pushes me over the edge.Why should I endure all this fucking hardships when I can end everything.Why not just flip out of this fucked up life of mine?,3.0174999999999983,4.763005750000001,3.4466666666666685,91.725,74.83333333333334,6.133333333333334,22.0,6.742157984588678,0.4028999999999998,235,6,49,2,5,73,42,60,0.093,0.865,0.042,-0.6261,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,12,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,9,4,3,9,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,4,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190511919871682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790939950012043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044932006406276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39569270604611495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511597251566532,0.10455318467207593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732003135349154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967547653125927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233174963365734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5793250587718567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zepdtak,2018/02/21,"I’m going to kill myself because of my financial issues  I lost my company couple of months ago, used my savings to cover the money an employee stole from my company, made loans and even got money from friends and family to save my business. Now I’m dirt poor living on my parents house, that want to kick me out because I can’t find work (iOS Engineer in a shit-hole country) because companies asked for me to travel for an interview and it’s impossible because a flight ticket cost a lot and nobody is willing to help me pay to go to an interview. The bank said I have to come up with $7.740 to pay my debts by tomorrow, I have only $0.74 on all my bank accounts combined.

 I don’t know what to do, I’m even receiving death threats from a friend of mine because I paid what I’ve owed him but didn’t paid the fees yet.

Idk what to do, I’m doomed.",7.381483050847456,5.019322423728816,8.105416666666667,76.35778601694919,64.87570621468927,11.56186440677966,36.249293785310726,10.125756701596842,3.363170056497175,667,25,141,12,8,226,109,177,0.13,0.816,0.054000000000000006,-0.9032,4,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,0,10,0,9,0,0,2,1,17,27,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,2,15,5,3,4,0,0,7,1,20,4,27,19,2,15,1,2,0,0,10,5,0,1,5,82,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043680177333066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865501960370135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172652005435253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618928900160166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777979672091694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418240713870766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599865552349383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511096479238026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622335273734429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928990878685141,0.0,0.13573180217690425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375237516362485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958214172622764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713211944020152,0.0,0.0,0.1877578801555748,0.0,0.09326763614159003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498561690915647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525743689028812,0.1442805353481137,0.0,0.1605827729923429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546011632305974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907135297274247,0.0,0.0,0.18844177698848247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614321358433403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742038646871171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465740996221574,0.0,0.0,0.10009877381100274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355018384226525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CorrectSpot,2018/02/21,"trying again tonight I'm done, i'm going to try again tonight and hopefully this time it will work",0.7433333333333323,3.280508000000001,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,94.0,4.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.37316666666666665,80,3,17,1,3,24,16,20,0.0,0.863,0.13699999999999998,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544597269418604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523873986475115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44108300171912973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25895328913631765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6030178717633269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32330385640419496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jeans_up,2018/02/21,"My friend was taken to the hospital for threatening to kill himself today. He's estranged from his family. How can my friends and I be informed of his status if we are not a family members? I am worried about him being released from the hospital alone. When he was taken in he had no ID, no phone, etc. His girlfriend gave her contact number to the police, but other than that we are completely in the dark. He does not have a relationship with any of his family. 

Does anyone know what my friends and I can do to find out information like his status, and when/if he'll be released?

Some additional info: He's been abusing alcohol heavily for that past few months. So he may need additional medical treatment for alcohol abuse.",5.163260869565222,6.639784601449275,6.3804057971014485,73.8975652173913,68.92753623188406,9.867826086956523,31.91594202898551,10.125756701596842,3.49199768115942,577,25,101,15,10,194,89,138,0.14300000000000002,0.772,0.085,-0.8321,0,1,2,0,1,0,16.0,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,6,0,15,3,0,1,0,22,21,8,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,0,0,4,9,2,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,0,16,4,17,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,27,3,0,3,5,73,20,0,0.0,0.3757113072216233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388831568768705,0.0,0.16420983513155174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781933928188438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086174608696936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623650793459935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774960956293828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682500068654175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484000822124863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491169640854185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367485677344728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541192502951045,0.0,0.08713485465958748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745945119143527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972230006714375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655298275236632,0.0,0.0,0.11756270956844254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135377825718718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022321018357514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502867251520466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101507540268306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MindSet-,2018/02/21,"everything is dark this is my first post on here but I don't want to talk to anyone else about this . I'm having overwhelming sadness and anxiety, to the point where I am crying on my breaks at work and can barely make it through the day. As soon as I get home I burst into tears and end up crying for hours. I really don't know what to do anymore. Everything feels wrong and dull and dark and pointless. I feel like a failure at everything and a burden to others. 

I fantasize about ending my life all the time, but I also do not want to hurt my family and do not want to be permanently impaired if my attempt is unsuccessful. ",3.909256342957129,4.9273930314960666,5.244041994750656,82.59883639545058,71.44094488188976,8.794050743657044,25.922134733158355,9.150863307647796,1.9393384076990368,493,15,101,10,9,165,79,127,0.273,0.679,0.047,-0.9847,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,5,0,12,1,0,1,1,22,21,14,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,2,13,1,19,20,1,17,0,4,0,0,1,8,0,1,8,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329443899304657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717536621133366,0.0,0.16486828954991906,0.11624090352268883,0.1703355003944398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36522004683300535,0.1072129198763804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887461411704682,0.0,0.2944837381265666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482252069983359,0.0,0.15671901425504067,0.0,0.1681148141801119,0.11876396353396028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414061288593326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868550556973777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667551869078874,0.0,0.16371577294280415,0.0,0.17796646659916265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136275217966404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742227918480808,0.08121788543543759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096842903649023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715327833757867,0.0,0.15921474784598713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064994609257376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361974872778135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693757396711124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941631152085606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210268137491618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176051781575991,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,solongsobad,2018/02/21,"Feeling hopeless I tried to kill myself the day school started in September, but the rope broke, and I cried myself to sleep. I've been trying to kill myself ever since. I'm a senior now and have no motivation to do anything, because I figure I'm just going to kill myself anyway, eventually. And now, I've put off an online course so long that I'm not sure if I can even graduate this year. I just want to fucking die, and I'm going to do it there's no question. Guess this is just some fort of cry for help, doubt anyone can help though.",4.447490347490344,4.740331252252254,5.5834749034749045,83.27513513513516,69.81081081081078,7.784298584298584,25.76705276705277,7.447530270364453,1.1959539253539253,423,11,87,4,7,141,73,111,0.33,0.578,0.092,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,4,1,4,0,7,2,1,1,2,20,18,8,4,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,1,1,9,1,11,17,1,13,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,5,8,56,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611820112176938,0.0,0.13665933656097207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123315767376724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648345252545228,0.10709974729874427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723517629957578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968596449998294,0.15021748866781154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396867717354252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352665354807518,0.0,0.0,0.18875988329390814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294198541811996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262298176263612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511869849250245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696444060730332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694362493866322,0.18603351639076168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806909466394054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737268567830854,0.0,0.1661873516154516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754337441576886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651657775043926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316039669572008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254977540640949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979508668040325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694197355966
suicidewatch,duhlikewhatever,2018/02/21,"Father dying has postponed my suicide for the better. V& for CP by Feds. Basically downloaded some young teen chaturbate compilation type BS, not toddler rape or anything like that. Don’t worry I know I’m still a sick fuck that needs to be raped to death in prison. 

Facing 0 years to actually literally life in prison depending on all sorts of shit that i’ll have to figure out over the next few months. 

Can’t sit in a cage, I’d rather die. Even just a few years is meaningless when you have to be a sex offender for the rest of your life. 

Only my GF and lawyer and therapist know. Haven’t told my parents because, ugh you know? They’ll have to tell the whole family, they cant help me financially and they’ll find out sooner or later because once i’m actually arrested it will be public. 

So I keep it all to my small circle. Liquidating assets for lawyer money. Minimizing expenses. Trying to meditate so i don’t blow a gasket. Too paranoid and stressed to smoke weed, even drinking is unappealing. 

They call this shit, “putting your affairs in order”. 

Big tax return this year, enough to buy a Glock. Maybe I’ll splurge and get a nice 1911  .45ACP instead. 

So I’m planning all this out. Hoping to make it to September, my birthday. Nice even numbers on my obituary. Morbidly symmetrical. 

Mom calls this morning. Dad had a massive stroke. Right side paralyzed. Critical condition. Getting worse by the hour. Not the kind of thing you recover from. Nurse gets on the phone. ‘What would your father want; we can drill into his skull and drain the blood out and he’ll be a vegetable. Or we can make him comfortable and... you know... he’ll be as doped up as legally possible until he dies. 

600 miles away. Im driving there in the morning. 
I would fly but, today was the day I maxed out my credit card to pay the lawyer more money. Literally 20 minutes before my mom called I had given them the CC number. 

I’m so glad I didn’t tell my father the awful truth about my situation. Holy shit. Can you imagine I tell him and the next week he has a stroke!?

At least now, whether I ‘man up’ and go to prison or blow my brains out in a couple months - he wont have to know about it. There is some solace in that i think. 

",1.7174423963133665,4.269283057603687,3.048195391705068,88.66857880184332,83.63133640552995,6.2369769585253465,21.81364055299539,7.554174236665415,0.9877245714285716,1733,57,349,30,50,561,243,434,0.133,0.8,0.067,-0.9777,2,0,2,0,0,1,62.0,2,8,5,2,18,19,7,1,25,1,32,19,7,3,4,54,58,24,5,6,10,7,2,1,1,8,5,0,0,1,14,19,3,1,9,1,7,3,9,9,0,0,7,2,40,10,52,38,12,50,0,0,0,4,43,27,4,9,19,207,54,8,0.0,0.0,0.1818395093792715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094885068353146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667035970979688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753558359217069,0.0,0.0,0.1135902282087167,0.0,0.0792801751918921,0.0,0.0,0.08240063621123203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400770337440132,0.2854086840429628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309001040521656,0.0,0.0600864628561948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29008493670551483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127040163672724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626874785925413,0.0,0.18461224600437687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783168334331982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515501269912963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613347648823506,0.14603127358299706,0.0,0.05295023565574769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062449388826769,0.0,0.0,0.092538094254821,0.09175295030900646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063878513558333,0.0,0.0,0.08281311620303533,0.0,0.09702144355731747,0.2560169344148473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161640266607585,0.04551779265131475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438240460570255,0.0,0.09360104113101686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823741474485092,0.14873362358561493,0.0,0.0,0.06908382328242972,0.0,0.0,0.1981731229157461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922221764512157,0.0,0.07085941807015088,0.0,0.0,0.10345343370134896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050343379649571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366083648147988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956603613375676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28691070930140283,0.0,0.10472614814347303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440508873367085,0.0,0.10672506873713347,0.0,0.0,0.10191204482207213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443021108100396,0.0,0.0,0.10817668802151324,0.06189751420450289,0.05969909766874881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831356133429938,0.08902721743539388,0.0,0.06325580949286913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549536415201382,0.0,0.07473475782314294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402014781359367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461790269856077,0.09494743222586706,0.13236953357316586,0.0,0.0,0.1799938398772305
suicidewatch,totallynotcreepyalt,2018/02/21,"Does anyone else feel this whole suicide deal is wrong? In my case from a young age I've been told how depression is made up and how suicide is for the weak, and I'm not weak etc. How there are beautiful things to be here for. That it's shameful to cut yourself.

By now I don't give a rat's ass about what others think, it's just that I've internalized all of that when I've come to realize full well how wrong it is. Am I too privileged to even be thinking about killing myself? About depression? 

Because whatever the answer is it ends up as a lose-lose situation: Either I am allowed to go through with it or I'm not and I'm weak for thinking about it in the first place, and because I'm weak I'm allowed to go through with it. Even writing this feels wrong because I shouldn't even have a reason to feel this way.

This isn't a cry for help, I'm just interested in opinions.",2.7950888030888064,3.9539796324324357,3.91492277992278,90.53060810810813,74.29729729729729,7.231660231660233,26.72779922779923,7.7094869923839395,1.253401544401545,692,25,157,9,14,225,97,185,0.242,0.675,0.083,-0.987,2,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,1,19,15,2,1,8,0,15,5,1,8,1,33,33,11,3,1,6,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,17,7,0,0,9,0,0,3,5,12,1,1,3,3,6,3,28,27,5,17,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,2,6,102,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512730602134024,0.1393963465636454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487991755773155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719254308883892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494413674848554,0.0,0.14025860169777785,0.23435436149775804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905574709221604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364990735063644,0.0,0.12049736291668722,0.0,0.1517284955924889,0.269573508987462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636852722128168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572160647107513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050878940105531,0.15463742125854987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118951339639407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505159756277369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522019221172886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128731069640979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214027896338766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987909277671556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292265734694266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297626924815401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038365797962028,0.2615204937418119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999884849935628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798786737004293,0.0,0.0,0.12232269493570687,0.0,0.0,0.1518917453116307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462384894698153,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WatchThrowaway252,2018/02/21,"Last night was pretty rough I was seriously considering admitting myself into the hospital yesterday but decided against it as the last thing I wanted was to miss out on college classes for the next little while.

It was the first time in a while that I have broken down and just cried for hours and truly contemplated ending my life. The reason for breaking down wasn't even that serious. I had a little argument with my father about some things, and I tried to apologize as I was in the wrong, but no matter what I said, he was still upset with me. It affected my mother as well. 

I guess I just felt like I honestly shouldn't be around. I know people care for me, but in those moments I can't help but think things like ""they really would be happier if I was gone"". 

I'm 22 and still live with my parents. I'm not financially stable enough to move out, especially with the amount I'm paying to go to college. I've thought about taking out a loan so I could move out and just sort of distance myself from my family a bit, but I'm worried about the financial burden that will put on me. 

My life is a mess and my surroundings and habits reflect that. My room is a mess, clutter and clothes everywhere. I hate it just as much as my family does. I feel guilty because it saddens my mother, but I can't break the habit. I used to care about how I looked to other people. I liked to pride myself in dressing well but lately I just slap on whatever is convenient. I stopped caring about my personal health a long time ago. I recently started to try eating healthier, so I like to think that I am trying to improve things little by little. 

I feel like I'm stuck. I don't really see a way out. I'm just disappointing my family. I'm disappointing myself. ",4.489858309317967,5.48582455043228,5.691401296829972,80.0099357588857,70.06628242074927,9.241546589817485,27.13844860710855,9.516144504307137,2.306150912584055,1377,44,271,30,24,460,174,347,0.18,0.659,0.161,-0.8177,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,20,23,1,1,17,0,23,4,0,4,0,57,54,26,0,5,15,4,4,5,0,3,3,1,1,1,17,19,1,1,11,0,2,5,7,11,2,1,14,7,47,12,49,34,5,51,0,3,2,0,11,22,0,4,26,191,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843994462811495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475861810977453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804018164672356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394654015727207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912240865104173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760188120955528,0.0,0.10458560516805747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332041902411305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742536063211166,0.0,0.0,0.08432932483084991,0.09837915991130952,0.0,0.06288644402647897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692714119501661,0.0,0.09628381427146562,0.06801927279767189,0.09141818374291108,0.0,0.0,0.08098704159023241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411101543082526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488644539467327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400186314627357,0.0,0.1012056075552864,0.0,0.0,0.06381840988245148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376436664556116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052325872083897385,0.15522052137246722,0.10740296887826067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450170915038534,0.2325781887492921,0.38170863146778383,0.08407369436236288,0.08425937730743491,0.07995386629745374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023899837943809,0.0699915704355377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125874587023448,0.08934975072198365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572134907539164,0.0,0.0,0.13201563870034622,0.08313520264567584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686454990307823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571407766838187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199013353813057,0.0978935070966492,0.09401008846218396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056815032328493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587141485859827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739134646422203,0.0,0.15207240741194145,0.07960126239528285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158736525345974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530177480625444,0.12201565319414613,0.0,0.0755874715450172,0.11103744085011116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392752692233425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223235738491491,0.0,0.0,0.056158340136744166,0.07557463271238077,0.0,0.0,0.1712135440266908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669212477618856,0.0,0.06763567513009945,0.10409907077260047,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,horribledread,2018/02/21,"I really wish I knew where I could get barbiturates so I could definitively end this thing before everything gets even worse. My other suicide attempts have not worked. I am just really sick of being worried and ashamed all the time. 

There's pedophiles out there with more friends than I do.

I bet there's brutal rapists out there who have murdered women who have a buddy or two who'll stand by them. 

This is life. This is how it is.

And all I want is some fucking barbiturates and I don't know where to find them.",2.7398019801980205,5.138464415841586,3.1866237623762395,90.20528217821784,78.10891089108911,6.4162376237623775,22.971287128712873,7.554174236665415,0.9454031683168314,410,13,83,6,10,127,70,101,0.259,0.6729999999999999,0.068,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,2,10,6,4,1,2,0,14,4,0,1,2,21,21,6,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,12,1,7,16,4,7,0,0,0,2,7,4,1,3,2,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877331385918348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730154024114791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068970572529378,0.0,0.0,0.15428820563046072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994136360921287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350285900551225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804759834234513,0.21595608882470654,0.2440889340192236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283784611588821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649960311820559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992956447067259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555165250633884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519105486705828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621192748113226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281897199944793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778119696567728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26862430821511835,0.0,0.0,0.17006094647330888,0.23722846252895424,0.23805466751650103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polygonalbeing,2018/02/21,"convince me not to finish this I’ve done the research and read the papers and determined that ingesting 40 panadol tablets will kill me based on my body weight. I am about to go to four chemists around me and purchase all these. 

why shouldn’t I do this? what reason do I have to keep living? I have lost all my friends and they all hate me and have better lives without me evidenced by the fact that me disappearing for a week literally did not impact them nor did any of them try to contact me or even ask me where I was when I saw them briefly at my university 

I have nothing to live for because I can’t have the life I want and that’s pretty shitty. don’t get me wrong i know others probably have it a fuckton worse but i don’t care anymore i can’t go out and do things i want like go out with friends at night due to the now lack of friends but also the gigantic amount of pain i have being seen i have flaked on my best friend well now ex best friend so many times because i can’t show my face at her events since I feel ugly and disgusting since I’m a degenerate tranny xDDD and hormones are slow and aren’t working so yeet what a great time


I will not have any memorable experiences, i’ve lost my teens due to depression and dysphoria and now i’m losing my late teens and twenties to the fact I cant fix my body and can’t fix my friendships

i deserve to die because i am a drain on this world and a cancer on the people around me 

what the fuck is there left to live for ",3.0603971571906365,4.124060689102567,3.996588628762545,90.57015050167229,73.51923076923076,7.220958751393534,25.424191750278712,7.586124646067393,1.022078706800445,1173,37,265,14,23,378,160,312,0.162,0.6679999999999999,0.17,0.2745,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,4,7,14,23,4,0,15,0,32,9,3,1,5,41,51,23,2,4,7,1,2,1,5,3,4,0,0,0,13,20,2,1,4,2,1,4,14,10,1,1,8,4,45,13,32,39,7,32,0,4,2,1,13,14,1,1,15,177,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823878743129637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401190572595169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021716518067176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342555587631068,0.09631308707523316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840655061041975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623366318638754,0.09111593418720346,0.0,0.2288718186557597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503934810019402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873400960402085,0.0,0.10692215180557027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542883327691006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804606546146112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077677439206456,0.0,0.0,0.052091788860224315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979785924682889,0.095243587135645,0.053825538753336906,0.0,0.17565192730447798,0.0,0.0,0.11358379807613513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171440017275182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157204109990184,0.1139802642592418,0.0,0.05661903407433419,0.0,0.11621502160255945,0.0,0.11193535944208244,0.0,0.07276856123135103,0.05033208953547663,0.0,0.3638866339944033,0.0,0.0,0.11525697010793735,0.2249246912592808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444968238311153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668059755506817,0.0,0.09885384910773848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962429242491037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142353914269597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481196075937313,0.11107678287114107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305140286765717,0.0,0.0,0.1059253404333978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704442460782548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844425103892836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014768978793575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994620963769822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153188650777814,0.0,0.0826392560593103,0.1254548966065136,0.09263052001973142,0.0,0.09296270543935596,0.0,0.0,0.09931099999952743,0.0,0.07500235192233116,0.0,0.10498977172650537,0.0,0.11264004975837168,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sjormer,2018/02/21,"Jumping to my demise If i jump off a building and die,will my soul go back to my hometown,which is 200 km away.",1.022400000000001,2.0589010399999985,2.501000000000001,99.3955,78.6,5.0,24.5,3.1291,-0.1062000000000003,86,3,22,0,2,28,22,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541934668821225,0.45356640470265003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6121821936707394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352313820971524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Typhlojian,2018/02/21,"School and Adulthood is really getting to me. I can't grow up and fix myself I am 21/M/ in the US. Im going to school and work per diem at a hospital as a lab assistant ( i want to be a Med-Tech as a career). But I don't see any of this as worth it. School is really really stressing me out and frustrating. Everyday i feel like giving up, i'm not even a full-time student. I am such a pathetic person, i can't push myself to do anything productive or responsible. I may be entering adulthood, but i'm not adapting well to any changes, nor will i ever. I still throw tantrums, act childish, can't communicate well with people, and avoid any sort of work like chores, and studying. I basically live in my head, daydreaming constantly and imagining a place and life much better than this shithole. All the meds and many therapists I have seen have not been able to help me. Everyday, the thought of death slowly becomes more and more beautiful, like it's what i was meant to do. The rare occasions where something goes right, many other things go wrong, making me to scared to live. I don't know what to do at this point. Not even any of my family members know how to help me. Finding yet another therapist is starting to get hard as well, and calls to the suicide hotline and 211 are starting not to help me.

Edit: I thought I'd mention. I like to create imaginary friends that comfort me and make me feel good no matter what the circumstances. It doesn't work. Also i have an exam tomorrow that i barely studied for.",4.07118181818182,5.3528711000000015,5.225515151515153,81.88609090909094,71.33333333333334,8.921212121212124,29.63636363636364,9.339509955726095,2.5957,1190,48,235,26,22,394,168,300,0.14,0.6970000000000001,0.163,0.7458,0,1,1,0,0,1,41.0,1,0,0,4,13,17,2,3,14,0,24,2,1,3,2,42,45,23,2,1,8,0,3,4,1,2,1,0,1,1,13,15,0,1,9,0,1,7,13,6,3,0,6,5,31,11,33,35,4,27,0,0,2,0,9,11,0,3,13,154,44,10,0.09935996687591477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945812961290175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27027273869626783,0.10418758862450217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817647867210327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973527709831132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787581629968383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145763529058438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051096702932699,0.0,0.0,0.1073728259179532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312526420707523,0.08987677850472213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366773396001392,0.0,0.10047876937085456,0.07098278018921363,0.0,0.0,0.09081320966701396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767652639352772,0.0,0.10382296352253248,0.09531513400565972,0.11293711785383513,0.08333842611381859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900701403438965,0.0,0.10197199136582624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979667413613875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732581448190792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921127861476712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018088302777419,0.1941690437991451,0.0,0.17547334222082406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264709886492074,0.2014708224974265,0.0,0.0,0.220733048196006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304100815811257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888369044520318,0.0867572905834671,0.10381001769439137,0.0,0.09392728467723173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909576171142112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485286881839565,0.0,0.0,0.09947666032915756,0.3016727731616701,0.07917702942182661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649215678985946,0.0,0.0,0.1406549919154308,0.0,0.07934899789560708,0.0,0.11381650635407448,0.0,0.0,0.10868367698705723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307291594234299,0.0660103469795848,0.0,0.0,0.1577614301669523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951780628167916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860508279138854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680096286212901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700571777148014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086345259899016,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bag_Of_Donuts,2018/02/21,"I'm all out of reasons. During my divorce, my ex, poisoned my kids' minds. Since then, I rarely see them. I was a great father. Despite that, I have fought on. Besides the time I am with my kids, I never leave my house. To combat depression and the thoughts of ending it I threw myself into my job....it was my saving grace. Today, I lost my job. I've never said it out loud or even typed it but I don't have the strength nor reasons to continue....I want to kill myself.",-0.4130452022204594,1.8135497731958767,1.674639175257731,96.3460745440127,92.50515463917526,3.809357652656622,17.770816812053926,5.369823440869387,-0.5208328310864392,356,10,78,2,13,118,64,97,0.181,0.733,0.086,-0.9069,2,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,1,9,3,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,3,16,14,5,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,3,19,4,10,7,1,11,0,2,1,0,8,4,0,1,6,52,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561631468268496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059235312855976,0.0,0.0,0.1346721431650153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479732534129976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352699328810812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046729148198902,0.0,0.2255819842368485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158976391649943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257782295857007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587799480050314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145161005878326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192804540544326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395287959663265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247962819565884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866582772889496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618715598723611,0.11889406661749473,0.0,0.1932706551082719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026382060370233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway74838204,2018/02/21,"Nothing is right High school student. I’ve lost most of everyone’s trust. I cheated. I lied. I can’t control it. I can’t control myself.  I’ve lost my best friends and my boyfriend. 

I feel numb. There’s no guilt. No love. Nothing. I’m going to die.

I feel like I need to die. 

February is always a rough month, but this is the worst its ever been. 

Edit: wanted to add more things. ",-1.5067932489451472,0.16562118987341812,0.6538734177215169,99.75515611814349,109.25316455696202,3.1193248945147682,17.92489451476793,5.2151,-0.5532740928270043,290,10,65,2,15,95,55,79,0.29,0.575,0.135,-0.8741,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,2,11,1,1,2,0,6,2,0,2,1,11,15,2,2,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,3,10,5,4,12,4,5,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,36,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276723571282322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926735025705174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118388198405098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810889606582346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660738063657506,0.0,0.17543459933525005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856641055229576,0.13116158243062465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418464234088358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043422859274954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398008727530744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896961170577224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40083516544935494,0.0,0.16570326977132602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654520501192622,0.0,0.0,0.13613469236972858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35233214050946016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679065427322025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580975178602624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197354828252555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829014272061928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnreliableChemist,2018/02/21,"Not sure that I am suicidal? I, for the most part, feel good about stuff. I have friends, uni work and games and other hobbies that keep me busy day to day.

But the moment I'm un-distracted I feel so very incredibly down. I don't know how to describe it. I don't think I want to die, I'm just so fucking lonely and I want it to end.

If they had guns in this country I am 100% sure I would have ended it by now, just as its so much easier/impulsive to do.

Anyone know what this means?",0.372285714285713,2.0448361809523843,2.55261904761905,95.4632142857143,82.42857142857143,6.104761904761905,19.07142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.07974285714285667,369,9,91,5,10,125,69,105,0.173,0.768,0.059,-0.8731,0,2,0,1,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,1,8,6,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,2,22,21,10,2,4,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,12,4,11,19,3,8,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,2,6,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426665709994139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26317241490836424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117569407273449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614303043111343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633325573384548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763754805329167,0.1886278034547728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113554331395442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181356388288322,0.0,0.0,0.22426547240314146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225479444428148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998978500345014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209508813967876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23357216861104604,0.22318204192068736,0.0,0.3846026417305916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307378979765917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835089813097853,0.24069119497807634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854048784305454,0.0,0.0,0.14494117374705945,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dt1234,2018/02/21,"My family is leaving on a trip and I'm going to be alone for a couple of weeks, is this a good time to finally do it? In the most logical way of thinking, I just dont think this life is for me.

I'm never going to have the career or lifestyle I want, and I sure as hell am never going to fall in mutual love or have a consistent love life. 

I think now is the time to do it?",4.931941176470588,2.452473223529413,7.273970588235294,80.76036764705884,69.70588235294117,10.852941176470587,28.308823529411764,9.516144504307137,2.038823529411765,284,6,70,5,4,105,50,85,0.07400000000000001,0.75,0.17600000000000002,0.8456,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,7,0,11,4,0,0,3,14,22,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,13,21,1,16,1,0,0,2,2,3,1,3,7,50,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434291989031186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830829394868628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123370336001384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599653710337716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161321067275648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33638978882872184,0.16548557341456588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089118261444703,0.0,0.0,0.2787171347519856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561412482077682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043392840225907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595257148534755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792649193974975,0.0,0.0,0.23009400816857495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163724368575871,0.15660726709410813,0.15826186664360825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ribo-crumbledome,2018/02/21,"I'm more suicidal than I've ever been and I don't know what else to do On Saturday, I drove to a hiking path in my town that has a decent sized cliff face on it, with full intent to kill myself. I would have done it as well, but I ran into someone I knew that I hadn't talked to in a while and when she asked why I was there, all I could do was pretend I was just going on a walk alone. If she wasn't there, I'm certain that I would not be alive right now.

Last night, I went to my girlfriend's house to do some homework, and once I finished mine, I couldn't do anything except lay in her bed and stare at her ceiling for about an hour while she finished her work on her computer. I drove home completely dissociated, and found myself screaming at myself a few times. I had to stop myself from stepping on the gas and letting go of the steering wheel. 

My girlfriend knows about all of this, and it's ruining her. She's perfect, she's never been anything but kind to me, but I can't do anything except dissociate and self destruct anymore, and I'm hurting her. All I've done for months is hurt the people close to me, because I'm so fucking miserable and broken beyond repair that it makes them feel powerless to help me. I've been nothing but a burden on my family and my friends for months now, perhaps longer, because all I can be is another item on their list of problems. My girlfriend is already stressed about her job, and her college classes, and her family, and I should be there for her, but instead all I can do is moan and make things worse for her. Today she told me that I was scaring her and it's all I could think about for hours. I'm hurting her. I never wanted to hurt her. All I want is for her to be happy but I can't do anything except selfishly moan about how miserable I am.

I can't keep going on like this. I've been nothing but a pathetic burden on everybody I love. I don't eat or sleep, I do nothing but stare at walls and ceilings and lay on the floor. I don't think about anything but how much I want to kill myself. I've always been depressed, but it's so much worse. I feel like it's stopped being a matter of if, and started being just a matter of when. I want to kill myself. I'm so fucking hopeless. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for hurting everyone I love. ",3.7295487551867232,4.241640489626556,4.924209024896268,86.5863965248963,71.4896265560166,7.4357883817427375,28.133039419087137,7.292943589461545,1.402454149377593,1804,63,386,17,32,598,196,482,0.227,0.664,0.109,-0.9967,2,1,0,0,0,4,48.0,0,0,2,2,26,35,8,4,14,0,51,9,2,5,12,83,90,44,4,13,19,0,2,2,4,3,0,1,3,1,16,22,1,3,8,1,0,9,12,25,1,0,21,5,74,10,58,56,14,56,0,10,2,6,34,24,4,4,25,283,90,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876652045599652,0.08392483048396145,0.0,0.06328102261743615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797467324649575,0.0,0.0,0.07542275039412688,0.0,0.0,0.3129199292248069,0.0,0.07109797872217144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272069755832757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973865446167877,0.0,0.0,0.1214420266283398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550313065795121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565438036826554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781977193545671,0.06353135211886385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687930252043739,0.0,0.07267056182965899,0.0,0.0,0.1433893579710198,0.0,0.0769079469561818,0.054331277420858456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338665272356374,0.058757276624489624,0.2812339106648649,0.0,0.0,0.12966562872444348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095834115937971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097578361643707,0.0,0.07628595452415028,0.0,0.14979101089670674,0.08775333420042625,0.4070740475769056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546947691356702,0.06759815542597036,0.25241947846778945,0.07919603707654188,0.08359193962379108,0.06199220354195301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777679124870254,0.0,0.07430993937595333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727907444622595,0.0,0.10153006557775247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140732126971522,0.0,0.1118133515412976,0.0,0.11731136294517272,0.0,0.0,0.07136927365278738,0.0,0.21892068068517126,0.0,0.0,0.08099247072939575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272460285966058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277110911550412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494764988690192,0.0,0.0,0.07614091776677477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933840384757841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610652241438821,0.0,0.06443827291665502,0.0,0.0,0.17026707697359394,0.05382971310799072,0.0,0.0,0.12716508402297086,0.08711684954171173,0.0,0.0,0.08318810547801106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112739437968138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050525302965520255,0.09746158744004256,0.0,0.0,0.04434629888557142,0.0,0.07208802323849907,0.07267056182965899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942881374461325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837952080429248,0.07050059407086652,0.06862473890095502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536646973968679,0.0,0.1550061530148216,0.10804974760524833,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,they_say_itll_be_ok,2018/02/21,I uhhhh did a bad thing So I’m writing this from a hospital bed I’ve been stuck here for two weeks. Here’s my story I slit my wrist two weeks ago and got hospitalised and put in a padded cell for evaluation I got put in this bed today for tests before being discharged but I don’t feel anything no regret or anything and I don’t care whether people find out but if I say that Im worried I’ll get hospitalised again but thanks everyone for anything.,1.3082978723404253,3.57019131914894,3.014297872340425,90.19400000000002,82.61702127659575,6.313191489361702,22.16595744680852,7.554174236665415,0.9437012765957444,360,12,76,6,10,119,62,94,0.142,0.77,0.08800000000000001,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,14,13,10,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,5,2,8,2,8,7,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615489391248312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44991560346110254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216672022567848,0.0,0.0,0.1550768249902283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581062750354346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414263003555405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214840106078777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665683630166109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521533894073504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915154854224985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685555981586847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263455349510468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664125391327909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492830791360856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778644333485998,0.0,0.0,0.12107528716212435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274667547283054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560532003528617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923714265659668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507834906030524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tryingtohelpSO,2018/02/21,"My name is for her, but I'm the one at this moment who needs help Hi all, 

Throwaway and all that nonsense. First and foremost, I'm scared. She cried today and was unable to work because I no longer function. I'm not able to reply straight away, but can and will.

I don't want to do what I do anymore. I want to help. I feel compelled to help others. Those less fortunate than I am. 

I turn to Reddit, because it's helped me in the past. How can I survive?

Thanks. ",-0.15070446735395038,2.0579562577319632,1.4305412371134023,99.20361254295536,89.51546391752579,3.645704467353952,19.423539518900345,4.7782277997778095,-0.583775945017182,355,11,81,1,12,114,67,97,0.149,0.652,0.198,0.7426,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,2,2,16,18,7,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,12,1,11,16,3,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,55,19,1,0.2156643354474102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388107002818352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262374238864134,0.0,0.0,0.2629339543295006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689714567195505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904636799044544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834439735593903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5782210321652602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599123720613827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146139735136036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587601111276405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591762273036694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855474466270406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044245730352914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458086739387926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544088254342809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700620475555305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jan_Q,2018/02/22,"It's 1 am As the title  says, it's currently 1 am, and I'm laying awake in my bed with suicidal thoughts. I've been talking with my friends in a gc about some misc topics or whatever, but I can't bring myself to worry them with this.
I don't even know what I'm meant to write here, so I guess I'll write out why I'm feeling suicidal:
I've won the genetic lottery of ending up being trans with crippling gender dysphoria. Currently I'm just unable to find a position where I can sleep in because feeling the touch my own body makes me cry. 

I know that I will be able to transition eventually, I'm only 16 after all, but it is just so far away, the wait feels like hell. I'm also terribly lonely, not in terms of friends, but a romantic partner. It's another thing that isn't even on the horizon for me. Not even entirely because I'm trans, no one would settle for me even if I weren't.",5.42508021390374,4.4699106791443874,6.784283422459898,79.72936631016044,67.87700534759358,10.474652406417114,32.60374331550802,9.888512548439397,2.880623957219252,695,26,150,14,10,239,115,187,0.173,0.7190000000000001,0.108,-0.9501,2,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,7,1,0,8,0,13,2,2,1,1,31,32,10,2,2,9,0,4,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,9,6,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,5,5,15,4,23,23,4,16,1,1,0,0,8,10,1,4,6,92,24,0,0.16671644636676633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332308192650996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481673029029593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663558933139798,0.0,0.0,0.20325759659814152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518438838098436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831301879326696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766128741802562,0.0,0.0,0.4404585619399843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528905336552911,0.11910226259593895,0.0,0.0,0.1523758116561394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257609425809875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836569614513515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324599782287487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814492345218197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128452252423876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297137871366555,0.12679536999272048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325796096590367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683684699050014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647214663020965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400036448285849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075899900024262,0.0,0.0,0.13235423600744284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043566176158846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693086438943386,0.0,0.11843058017042547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Venrexx,2018/02/22,"I feel numb, almost all the time, and I have been having a lot of dark thoughts lately. I feel I should give some kind of a backstory to my life so that maybe some light can be shed on what has led me to this point.

When I was a kid, my mom left me when I was 5 years old (maybe 4, I can't remember the exact age), and I barely had any contact with her at all. She stayed out of my life for 16 years to be exact. As I was going through school, I was bullied almost daily, with kids going as far as teaming up on me and stomping me into the ground. While I was still in grade 5, I had a sleepover at a friend's house, and his uncle molested me in the middle of the night. I tried telling him the next day and he just called me gay and said I must have liked it.

I was bullied all through elementary school and no one would do anything about it. I reached high school and had enough, so I took a ""tough"" stance, to try and end it, and all that did was earn me a ""psycho"" title, so no one wanted anything to do with me. I didn't let it discourage me, I knew who I was, I knew what I had to offer the world.

After school had ended I had dealt with a *lot* of injury, getting hit by cars (plural, ignoring the fact the first car that hit me was when I was 4 years old), falling from heights, getting assaulted with weapons, gas poisoning, mild heart attack, severe lacerations, etc. 

Later on I got into a relationship that turned out pretty sour, she started out sweet and innocent, but soon turned out to be very abusive. She cheated on me a lot, she tried killing me once, she tried ""aborting"" our unborn baby by slamming her stomach into the side of the bed (I am seriously slimming this information down, it was not a good relationship). 

After all I had been through with her, I couldn't take it anymore and I left her. She kept my daughter from me for a year, and when I finally seen her, I learned she gave my daughter her then-boyfriend's last name out of spite for me. My daughter is now 13 years old, and every step along the way her family has done everything they could in and out of court to either stop, or limit access to my daughter, and to this day she lives with her aunty on their side, and I am still helpless to do anything about it.

I got married 8 years ago, it was the best thing to happen to me in my life, but as much as she tries, I feel like I am just holding her back. I am hitting a pretty low place today... I am facing not being able to pay off a large debt and having it ruin 8 years of credit building, which is one of the few things I am proud of in life, and it's just ending me. 

I try approaching this from every angle possible, but the only thing I can do right now is let it go to creditors. I can't find a job, no matter what I try, and I have been having a lot of bad thoughts lately, feeling that maybe the best thing I could do for my wife is just kill myself so she won't have to deal with my uselessness, or have to keep feeding someone who can't pull his own weight. She loves me, and I love her, but I don't feel like I am contributing anything to this relationship, and I honestly think she would be much better off without me dragging her down.

I don't know what this is, I don't know if it's a plea for help, or a possible remittance of surrender. All I know is I am in a dark place again, which I am used to, having been living with what I figure is depression almost my entire life, but this time I just can't pick myself up. 

I spend a lot of my time trying to pick others up, relating to them as best I can, trying to be as positive as possible, trying to stay in as positive a mindset as I possibly can, because that's who I've always wanted to be, but I feel like I am down for the count this time, and I am just tired of constantly having to get back up.

I am just so very tired. 

A guy can only take so much, and I feel I have not only crossed that threshold, but I've fallen and I am not sure if I really want to get back up.

Edit: I shortened the story a *lot*, because honestly I have been through a lot in my life. I am only 32 years old, but I have experienced enough damage to my body and psychology to make me feel 80 (including a now bad back that makes me almost incapable of doing most lifting!). Sorry for the long read, I know you most definitely have better things to do.",8.14652595072949,4.660406367256641,8.466745993781391,77.87701028462091,64.42035398230088,11.587132265008373,34.83066252092801,9.142720283898788,2.7378792513752694,3332,94,746,41,37,1113,342,904,0.132,0.764,0.104,-0.9671,2,0,0,0,1,2,117.0,1,1,3,10,30,42,9,0,44,0,100,19,4,6,11,143,150,60,2,12,26,6,9,4,1,5,10,1,1,3,44,45,2,7,22,2,4,13,18,22,0,4,38,15,138,20,120,92,29,119,0,7,1,3,62,49,0,20,58,554,182,13,0.046388039749108864,0.05496224167429998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112019834342663,0.0,0.18580368428109487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859856513964407,0.0,0.0,0.03154545774305734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600447059300019,0.0,0.0,0.15269361678549787,0.0,0.0,0.0527730920094637,0.0,0.1426781568170185,0.07746415112158225,0.05655543694567657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604415740620572,0.08205290294804342,0.0,0.05152665472627261,0.0,0.0,0.04736737507760856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012899131575221,0.0,0.07407415022103002,0.0,0.0,0.05983289610279152,0.04782403208934116,0.03995395066284696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747107024673782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325810355415663,0.0958624907309673,0.05173492644478296,0.0,0.0,0.07816784837674637,0.0,0.04169057900842904,0.0,0.043730515445646136,0.0,0.1876414936143297,0.09941887459659593,0.0,0.05081583011567909,0.04239782794048779,0.039457642913250913,0.0,0.0,0.03583928443965362,0.0,0.0969433446926997,0.0444996346513272,0.07909017600664225,0.03890808687591359,0.07420150603088005,0.0,0.0,0.04593145246883788,0.041020790351283073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497005045239725,0.03109292522591609,0.04901151087504629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352556969303509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603297165903485,0.04123182113068725,0.10264298604501804,0.04830600501481622,0.10197461397626252,0.03781244372471383,0.10465545871557123,0.0,0.1008014818339585,0.09486982705862618,0.19659146599267474,0.0906514122840812,0.0,0.0819229779334971,0.04105195543148006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760621677988497,0.08373403396712338,0.0,0.06192875348312425,0.0,0.1398090627128966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432911150645415,0.0,0.0,0.10230164007557138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933420653401429,0.0435320328925463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470577763396696,0.04940174839096107,0.09430120879770276,0.14112077821730185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693125669369412,0.0,0.043851691502420034,0.2091821795442848,0.0,0.09438662645233352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640059301146434,0.0,0.029717366096923114,0.0,0.0,0.14941018335388062,0.05254860622782781,0.03961513248579592,0.0441256485556179,0.0,0.0,0.1877886910613783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240528108593314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039304435544541175,0.0,0.0,0.05192761265437596,0.03283369329234953,0.0988869564949314,0.07409109693102417,0.038782478349176655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043720178483634575,0.0,0.06975606565710518,0.0,0.04054519137633773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540907618943515,0.029723582804278743,0.0,0.0736538439329413,0.10819695608175707,0.10663245547056856,0.04397043767103579,0.0,0.05153881899859643,0.31494433998743937,0.10091373317217968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040064372397079086,0.0,0.07654998188309238,0.08208260315007432,0.036820666767322194,0.0,0.05648813540374581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044716414957082194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590546499977294,0.0,0.0,0.23897901365440985
suicidewatch,throwaway_19593,2018/02/22,"I have no other reason to not end my life other than friends and family I don't feel worthless, or like the world wants to crush me, and I don't have any desire to self harm, I just feel nothing. I mask it in reality and to anyone else I just seem normal. I don't feel comfortable speaking to any family or friends about any of this so I keep it to myself. I know I'm not a failure, if anything I have my life planned out from here. There's just no motivation, anyone else get this?",2.3073529411764717,3.5533698823529463,4.074656862745098,88.55845588235296,75.66666666666667,7.060784313725492,23.534313725490197,7.6454224807358475,0.9111137254901962,376,11,84,5,8,127,61,102,0.138,0.7070000000000001,0.155,0.4114,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,0,23,15,7,0,4,8,0,3,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,7,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,4,14,4,12,15,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,4,2,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628286237946269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24871119307605702,0.3644529958255125,0.14635391485878654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29713870004706233,0.0,0.15752071695799336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353189095391603,0.0,0.2697761808110046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748101561232554,0.0,0.09291834402752117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807965169127988,0.0,0.0,0.0977407195259848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512388863534871,0.08688764700551146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425347514159084,0.1706501443846313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285757006031966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619063216664236,0.18553445973392488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048994761816788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yinny_tran1303,2018/02/22,"I lost myself, dont even know what I want in life. I'm an international student, falling in love with my husband who was born in the US. We've been married for a month and I started realize that I don't fit the life here, I am falling into depression deeper everyday. I have no friend, no passion in doing anything here, my english is so bad and I loose my confidence. I'm happy with him but feel unhappy with the life here and I want to go back my country to take care my parents and do business. I know I love him so much and can't find anyone better than him, I don't wanna hurt him, but I don't wanna stay in the US. Can u guys please give me some advices ? Sometimes I just wanna end my life so that I wont hurt anybody. ",1.6698610421836264,3.1127529290322613,3.8290322580645184,88.84662531017372,77.7741935483871,6.317617866004963,25.471464019851126,7.010146845296331,1.0087965260545908,564,21,124,6,13,194,91,155,0.138,0.653,0.209,0.9381,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,2,0,0,2,9,12,0,0,6,0,14,7,0,0,0,23,29,10,0,5,3,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,3,1,28,7,16,25,2,17,0,4,0,3,14,7,0,1,6,88,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437430525715034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330645387798322,0.0,0.12158121046524804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360647142920467,0.12336056292720375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066808518426715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506354580863602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725220049720087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315556134344884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308578554908179,0.0,0.0,0.09758390952678347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470410488470418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503588036278402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414710519307734,0.0,0.0,0.14173007516797534,0.08396665634299003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629037433655698,0.0,0.15727686535977248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163272826757664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239312768885728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174254982966584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128067488792952,0.0,0.2666905250181474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792832367598095,0.0,0.10860927474517627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640528848932619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217919502009698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612317919245907,0.0,0.10457438257255793,0.15747607690461032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110855460552514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554371054487121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428717644683178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diazapamsam,2018/02/22,Whats the point? I don't see the point in living anymore. I'm lonely and always unhappy so I don't see the point in continuing to live. I don't deserve to live anymore so I'm thinking of ending it before I waste any more of others time and money. I all do is fuck things up so be killing myself things will get better for other people.,0.4054166666666674,2.5528387083333333,2.997777777777781,89.60000000000002,85.52777777777777,4.711111111111111,18.722222222222214,5.985473137389443,-0.06964444444444418,265,7,55,2,8,92,46,72,0.219,0.741,0.039,-0.9243,0,2,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,4,14,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,6,1,8,12,2,9,0,1,2,1,0,6,1,0,3,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109203551310155,0.0,0.0,0.12348302078969492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36016411902627105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451420179419292,0.0,0.0,0.16059586776511414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608291024299797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787103882055507,0.09486989494347883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089526173546854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810247264303275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258871497043574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149653599160436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289397112481969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24127204505298794,0.1163513879957174,0.0,0.0,0.1058828111328148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ifeelzero,2018/02/22,"i dont think i can continue to tell my suicidal friend that its worth it. over the past 3-5 months ive talked my friend out of about 2 or 3 attempts. but as i become more and more depressed and suicidal im not sure if i can talk them out of the next one. if you had anyone from the outside describe they would probably say something like ""Nice kid, makes some inappropriate jokes sometimes and I rarely see him eat but he's pretty cool, and usually making jokes or laughing."" i guess i do a pretty good job at disguising myself. anyway, ive become more and more depressed and suicidal, just a couple days ago i tried to overdose, so how exactly am i supposed to tell my friend without a doubt that life is worth it? im a bad person if you look at it logically, i make jokes in bad taste, and im letting my friend die because i cant say a single word about living that i believe. if they kill themselves or even die i am, without second thought, killing myself. i dont care at this point, it can be as painful as possible since i let them die. they are the only actual friends ive ever had, they care enough to talk when they need to, they never used me or did an incredibly shitty thing to me, they are the only person ive ever had who has done all that. i dont expect anyone to reply to this, this is just another one of thousands of vent posts on reddit, nothing i say here will matter later. -kaz xoxo",5.5285856401384095,4.941201605536335,6.3983196366782025,81.36107807093427,67.54671280276816,9.162716262975778,30.17322664359861,8.472884824447931,2.0507593425605544,1100,35,230,14,16,366,160,289,0.221,0.599,0.18,-0.9769,1,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,9,1,12,24,2,1,11,1,29,4,0,5,6,46,41,23,8,7,15,0,0,1,5,2,2,3,0,3,14,9,2,0,3,3,2,0,8,8,0,4,6,7,41,16,28,30,8,22,0,2,2,0,30,9,0,11,13,160,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.07860484413992554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140240933044502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446333683006625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264438370931522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451119521904886,0.04910232223263227,0.17792153161543833,0.0,0.09075187801032744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642514838516272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891266615043901,0.0,0.05194786395820552,0.0,0.13875460014910393,0.0,0.2507934751354586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243026360921551,0.28321078830773194,0.0,0.0,0.08242240660972164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322932619928272,0.0,0.05320228764009867,0.14572354953726854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111623193422016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756122920848223,0.0,0.0,0.0887345265552829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26102235032478865,0.0,0.07993310386404327,0.0,0.17823251831802325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473495988939993,0.0568946036707901,0.03935249285662562,0.0,0.07112682136310343,0.0,0.06764142349826696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130256116212754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429396636750016,0.0,0.0,0.059726548759865584,0.06212485989182251,0.0,0.08566547222157342,0.0,0.0,0.07728956669125077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916506213797984,0.12252328511583553,0.08571051240626923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689376036203867,0.0,0.14066570411616205,0.0,0.0,0.07614546020274063,0.09080763353639876,0.07714430379081068,0.16389591511653487,0.08684615212314056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921689567497567,0.0,0.0,0.06418764647065715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663150723674742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062011059945778726,0.0796656687355733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643247474621682,0.0,0.07591709684901418,0.0,0.0,0.19422828527691996,0.14080789819425996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053513611792096086,0.05161296666016105,0.0,0.06394742881999364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468792852669893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956903985656303,0.08871406533726411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529398656541352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057220164038670834,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Staceylovely,2018/02/22,Why do people think that sucidal people want to kill others All because people claim that they are sucidal doesn't mean that they want to harm others. ,6.2603571428571465,7.915164321428572,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,66.5,8.457142857142857,24.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,1.9018714285714284,123,3,20,2,2,38,19,28,0.243,0.68,0.077,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954839607465372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35478564994917905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493152617566409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6669587999579688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547922562208276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782915369115391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28936442711977434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontcare_23456,2018/02/22,"sdfsdf i just dont care, i dont know if its a cry for help or anything, i just dont care if i live or die, and given that more than 50% of the time, i just struggle to justify my own existance i just want to give up. 

i usually dont drink, used to drink a lot, ammong other things, but not anymore, not since my kids were born, they spend most of their time with their mom, not because i treat them bad but because she lives some distance away, they will move closer soon. not sure its good or bad. 

told my girlfriend, that i probably want to die, that I will never change, i love her. but i worry all the time. She tells me i look good, make good money and have wonderfull kids, that im the best guy she had, I dont beleive her. 

i really dont have anything to complain about, but i just dont feel good and i worry all the time. And i fucking HATE myself more than antything. 

Tried making a snare out of an electric cord tonight, it was horrifying. ",2.982792207792208,3.755708419191919,4.049956709956714,91.21636363636368,73.39393939393939,7.273304473304473,24.24386724386725,7.447530270364453,0.8070594516594509,729,20,168,8,14,237,110,198,0.309,0.645,0.046,-0.996,0,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,5,1,7,16,2,1,8,0,14,4,0,3,4,38,30,13,2,4,18,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,9,6,2,0,2,2,2,1,12,6,0,0,5,2,33,10,16,23,9,14,0,0,1,2,21,4,1,8,9,113,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411136812345124,0.0,0.0,0.1395871840931517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968428521681035,0.0,0.14163005567440326,0.10340201973858236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890056533457982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729443171226458,0.0,0.08972054771729145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316272367808433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604430019557654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.695798634832509,0.16616823507473133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428838288463821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840793681322794,0.0,0.08136003095504317,0.0,0.28454733864035675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397786687363935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837349421791756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056848137713596425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161222590323118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661081947495185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978226389550486,0.0,0.07122127314648047,0.0,0.0,0.07210468995537776,0.0765467362702562,0.0,0.11322621724589715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933156145121898,0.0,0.09014243454034447,0.0,0.0,0.06541275133950547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144239139558412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054333161260592594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701579081521202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866460623890647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993492761591542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413000244393247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634576218812491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978197745897821,0.0,0.0,0.08104213046927605,0.0,0.05758222837393447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325090652903851,0.09340916190922394,0.0,0.10004940767847244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226274472277295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,busterbaxter69,2018/02/22,"Numb I just feel so numb.  I can’t remember anything from day to day and it all blends together.  I wake up and go to work then come home and get wasted until I pass out and then it starts over again.

A few months ago I told my girlfriend of almost 2 years I didnt want to be with her anymore.  I said it was because I need time to figure myself out but honestly I don’t know why I did it.

I always feel like I’m floating in a void.  I want to kill myself but I’m afraid that I’ll fuck it up.

I know there are people that care about me but I really don’t.  Death seems so welcoming.  I’m done with this pointless circle jerk.",-0.8640188922284224,1.1716381240875933,1.5062258480034352,98.61733791326748,91.11678832116787,4.683383426363246,15.358093602404466,6.2272716619740125,-0.6672727350794334,481,10,117,5,17,162,88,137,0.182,0.693,0.125,-0.878,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,1,2,0,9,4,1,0,1,25,28,12,2,3,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,8,9,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,6,3,19,4,17,21,2,20,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,12,71,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497395693507184,0.0,0.1976571561027932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424394693074926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957574277519792,0.0,0.0,0.16243480943688735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032685866359505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125183681807515,0.0,0.0,0.17003364905800397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545999048582909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019980772379295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961220972657814,0.14101515867306053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824834902622129,0.10312791099482777,0.0,0.11218104976858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799784750908506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838232965137416,0.0,0.2169603070166787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643458049877006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575544832151088,0.0,0.0,0.14636187586086394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684508428978628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645282233902475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236039205432437,0.0,0.18776269670734785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969606437851973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971336393306358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509945414077498,0.0,0.0,0.18861420702277867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328509823606857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781133981086988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370196848181846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711242080571428
suicidewatch,ThrowawayJournal2017,2018/02/22,"Do my parents have to identify my body? I just printed my note, and I’m leaving Monday. I’m gonna fucking do it this time; threatening all these years has brought me no appeasement or joy. I’m just gonna go. I’ve gotta. I can’t keep living like this. Im gonna leave the note with my body. Someone please tell me that my parents don’t have to come identify it because I don’t want them to see me all fucked up and bloody. Like is there some other way the police can confirm it’s me without my parents seeing? Please?",1.3475675675675696,3.0401573153153194,2.984045045045047,93.4387702702703,79.45045045045045,5.881441441441443,24.613513513513517,6.742157984588678,0.7206497297297303,406,15,92,4,10,134,68,111,0.124,0.741,0.134,-0.2359,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,2,0,10,4,2,0,2,13,26,3,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,2,14,3,6,21,3,8,0,0,2,2,5,1,2,2,5,50,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570927545938417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487960880178048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524659029414526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29029865535050553,0.0,0.0,0.08923001159401432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959320111129378,0.0,0.0,0.1395539647259565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33249293447172834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341020170020256,0.0,0.13863899361296544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230090654531351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34469043027838275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502265822803371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303050074288836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722998528748906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915513417696918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260608587004404,0.12462389218623952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134798377720526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011065844510744
suicidewatch,SuchAppeal,2018/02/22,"At this point I really don't care and I just want to end it I'm 28 I have no friends and my family can not help me improve my life. I don't see my life getting ang better. I also have very little friends. I wish I had built network when I was younger. I can't stand my mother for how she sheltered me and my dad for being careless and not instilling in me what it is to be a man. I don't know how to speak to women, I've only had one girlfriend in my life at 26 and that was bullshit.

I'm tired of my mind racing. always nervous, heavy sweating, my shitty voice and being treated like I'm retarded. I see no value in life, I see no reason to stick stick around and I just feel limp. I hate my shitty walk, my shitty almost unintelligble voice. And all I'm trying to do is find the easiest most painless way out. I'm up and down all the time, and I know whe I feel good I'm just going to end up feeling shit again.  This is not a good life, this is not  life worth living and I just don't give a fuck.

I don't enjoy anything I used to love. I've been thinking gun, jump headfirst off my roof, some sort of poison. I just want to die.",0.522272089761568,2.129529193548389,2.7942496493688656,94.23420056100984,81.66129032258064,5.280785413744741,19.65357643758766,6.046907544983943,-0.16964782608695694,872,22,206,6,23,298,128,248,0.224,0.635,0.141,-0.9742,0,0,0,1,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,11,16,4,1,5,0,22,12,2,4,2,43,48,15,1,3,9,2,4,1,3,0,8,3,0,2,7,13,0,0,8,0,1,3,13,6,0,1,5,10,35,10,24,40,4,23,0,0,3,2,12,13,2,4,6,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580111386440496,0.0,0.0,0.10046691734679698,0.10453490213442614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338345628571967,0.11183806060776064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111102465659994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808898872249608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303849513969271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254322573379712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843355150275887,0.0,0.19056814450582812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482428889355335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412411201882307,0.11614366405692847,0.06563691560406508,0.12051652532846205,0.07139888731388151,0.2107463341757207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403442036041155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420768709419804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808682076184015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324205597710238,0.06137687033948205,0.1259150810048316,0.11093431128665317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338671546994546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268513098057201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513069157849049,0.0955478959302562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876172761992974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048231703421856,0.1291694015775693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30033448217723807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895822620909675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049915348636824,0.0,0.0,0.0732563385085043,0.14439414077494678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529507674513001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850468747876583,0.0,0.10365857947815604,0.14820061930953393,0.0997198932945059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444692371521232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bribrahh,2018/02/22,"Spiritual awakening, longing, suicidal, please help Hello, my name is Bri and I'm 19 years old. Over a course of 5 years I have been going through the twists and turns of an intense spiritual awakening guided by LSD and my intuitive and psychic abikities. Someone has come into my life and made me feel more connected with the universe than ever. I experienced the divine love and beauty of God through him on an LSD trip. We believe that we are the same, and we split off and came to find eachother here on Earth and have done so many times before. 

The most intense of my awakening has occured over a period of the last 2 months. I have never felt so psychicly in tune and above fear, negativity, and low vibrations. I have felt pretty bullet proof and amazing, as if im living live as it was meant to be. I find myself wondering why so many people are trapped by standards and boundaries set by society. They all seem crazy to me. 

Anyhow, since this deeper spiritual connection, I have had some serious thoughts considering suicide. Something inside of me is yearning for MORE, as if this connection i have now is no longer enough. I feel like there is something or someone i am missing and yearning for. Ive always felt this, but it is much, much stronger now. The only thing i can describe it as is heartbreak. When i think about this, and i do often, i feel empty, and horribly depressed. I want to kill myself because i feel that in doing so i will attain this thing that i am longing for, because i feel that my body limits me and i cannot reach it here. I know my body is simply a projection of my consciousness and is not physical, so suicide would be no different than living here on earth. I just feel this desire to do it. I feel my purpose here is done. I have attained the enlightenment that i have wanted my whole life, and it is wonderful, and i am grateful, but something is still missing.  Listening to Led Zeppelin in particular is one thing that triggers this longing, yearning, painful sensation that feels like it is taking over my life. Can ANYONE relate to this? Thank you",5.317900323857504,6.65377853652393,5.811683159409863,78.6492915617129,68.4206549118388,8.694098596617488,32.062702410939195,9.04235418022936,2.81464958618208,1657,71,299,30,28,534,202,397,0.145,0.7390000000000001,0.116,-0.9356,1,1,3,0,0,3,46.0,3,1,1,3,18,18,1,1,13,0,44,7,2,3,4,78,76,35,4,9,7,0,11,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,25,27,0,1,22,0,0,5,6,12,0,1,12,13,48,6,41,60,10,34,1,8,0,1,11,12,0,10,18,228,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323100238594568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615383291359434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729961911597714,0.0,0.07488965147518888,0.09915663355425117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195517556756218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065948810627266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581244114346455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580250316905646,0.0,0.0,0.09195125601855578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012866778468592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093739964224608,0.0,0.0,0.07960968366983755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903522063537937,0.3560022145087464,0.12574809135091575,0.25350893168101857,0.0,0.16087828279812613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001785987720175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899095142960253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506542493691457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736953600178078,0.0,0.0483677513165612,0.07173953608391799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864912602719988,0.08599404881046457,0.0,0.2331421558343071,0.23365706745373915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943206203451911,0.08327677156978952,0.0,0.1784557559200837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702483893735629,0.0,0.12939430298089413,0.0,0.06787839659033425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235122610701486,0.0,0.059637554068638216,0.06693523456732982,0.0936483746314141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061014745939803765,0.0,0.0,0.09660806568713398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953736028691063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012059601074274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280241567551622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914042543950815,0.20326217205073896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028454654342102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288804515102636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617223453888159,0.0,0.0,0.08102737636265749,0.0,0.0,0.1754089186131052,0.056392970966253474,0.0,0.06986975812797057,0.05131908090566056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572912630263028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038206348756026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794149369009414,0.09825952827806493,0.0,0.0,0.1908852223893484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251946474155562,0.0,0.0,0.11335053942939402
suicidewatch,do__a__backflip,2018/02/22,"At wits end Been struggling with the thoughts for a year. Been in therapy, meds, hospital, the whole 9 yards. Nothing's gotten better. I'm in a state of constant and severe anxiety and depression no matter what I do. I've been eating better, exercising, fixed my sleep schedule, working regularly; none of it matters. I just want the pain to go away. I want to be away from it all. I hate myself and don't know how much longer I can put up with it all.",2.6163333333333334,4.565966133333337,4.137500000000003,85.43625000000003,76.55555555555556,7.166666666666668,25.69444444444445,8.07648339933343,1.5897777777777775,352,13,71,6,8,117,66,90,0.22,0.68,0.099,-0.9113,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,1,5,0,7,4,1,1,2,15,15,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,2,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,0,7,2,14,9,5,13,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,48,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912779622532796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366303202218396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448153958695613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065979830144535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679006691949222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947125661502055,0.0,0.0,0.172658087015195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078832220554168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246189743905456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713337256676887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653327559323796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433025899688971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870492215076356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742883298410367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959675306756521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202255751358832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950797758079828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037925614842119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292972782414786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154759785702729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996013776720686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176424242332819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191790876067695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553432029385558
suicidewatch,yuckmouth619,2018/02/22,"If you have time... ...It's a pretty standard heart break story: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl cheats on him repeatedly. I can't blame anyone but myself-but it's such a disappointment that people can be so horrible, and while you give them all the chances in the world to better themselves, they don't. I was never brought up to think the human spirit is content or limited. I was always taught that anybody can do anything, but when you watch someone constantly disappoint the people around them, it hurts. My heart hurts. My body hurts. I still love her. I can't just walk away...I'm not suicidal, but I'm praying for that brain aneurysm. A friend, who's lost her father to suicide, once told me: my father didn't kill himself because he was sad, he killed himself because he was apathetic. That's where I'm at-I'm apathetic. I don't care...",3.283815261044176,5.470100072289162,3.866963855421688,87.04932128514058,75.3855421686747,6.595341365461848,25.52449799196787,7.554174236665415,1.29938281124498,676,24,132,9,15,213,107,166,0.265,0.557,0.17800000000000002,-0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,3,3,3,7,15,3,0,7,0,15,6,4,0,2,15,26,9,4,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,9,1,21,5,10,16,1,18,2,7,1,2,29,7,0,2,7,77,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793886720821767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910776299263813,0.0,0.11663977746617715,0.12617847158723694,0.0,0.0,0.13316920683832525,0.0,0.0,0.17280653163420634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253573337483822,0.0,0.15744096360732193,0.0,0.15822849171800854,0.0,0.0,0.1445131714224117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317036860518166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950781701531476,0.0,0.0,0.1359697305578514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335924688250942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552061587056839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136281739287979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472573398913467,0.0,0.2558514047641103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931847087908443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509482599225207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965290596792021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442003318403154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009567162952675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131935864797774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31008066935287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908211399212292,0.0,0.0,0.08264961656925324,0.0,0.0,0.13543845195720966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,parvz,2018/02/22,"Dealing with my Suicidal Boyfriend Hey everyone,

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and he struggles with bipolar depression. He's known me for 2 years. He is from my hometown, but he goes to college 300 miles away.

I used to sleep around much before I met him, but I didn't hide any of it and was open that I was like this but stopped even before I met him. He had to have been okay with that because he asked me out, even though he knew that. I believe I have been a very supportive and loyal girlfriend to him. I have never given him any reason not to trust me - our socials are open to each other, and I don't hide anything from him. I've taken care of him whenever he needs it, sat in the emergency room with him until 1 or 2 am, pulled him off the stairs when he threatened to jump. I've done a lot for him. However, he has a thought he calls ""irrational"" and obsessive, about how I used to sleep around before I knew him. I've told him why it happened - I was in a place of pain and low self-confidence, and I'm not like that anymore. I've told him how much I regret it, but it comes to the point that he becomes suicidal because of it. When he is ""insane"" like that, he's told me that I'm the reason for his demonic thoughts, that I'm the reason he is this depressed. When I say I'll leave, he threatens to commit suicide. I almost feel like a sacrificial lamb, extended myself and hearing all his abuse and still trying to be there for him. He says his only purpose in life is to be with me, and without me, he has no reason to live. I feel like I'm drowning. I called the police one time, and his parents hate me now because he told them he was fine, so they believe I shouldn't have called the police. This has happened before, and he told me the best thing to do was to reaffirm that we are a strong relationship. I did that for a day, but nothing would get through to him. His parents had yelled at me earlier and told me next time to call the on-call therapist at his hospital, so I did that, but he wouldn't pick up the phone. He sent me pictures of superficial cuts on his arms, and he kept saying goodbye to me, even though he was telling his roommates he was coming home.

I don't know what to do. I know he isn't himself when he's like that, but I myself can't function when this is going on. I sometimes feel like dying because of all of it. How do I deal with this situation in the best way possible? I feel like I need to break up with him, but I don't know the best way to do it. I really need some help. I don't feel strong enough for any of it. Thanks for reading this.

tl;dr: My boyfriend has an obsessive thought about how I used to sleep around before I met him, even though I'm extremely loyal now. He says it's the reason for depression, but threatens suicide when I say I want to leave.",4.823487394957978,4.467809908163269,5.483277310924372,86.55289915966387,68.96598639455783,8.618327330932372,29.53901560624249,8.027739517013583,1.696882593037214,2198,72,491,25,34,714,223,588,0.14,0.722,0.138,-0.3685,3,0,0,0,1,3,72.0,2,0,2,5,29,32,2,3,22,1,47,7,4,13,4,90,98,40,6,8,13,2,5,8,1,3,3,7,2,0,31,32,0,2,19,1,0,6,14,11,0,1,35,12,81,21,71,58,11,52,1,5,0,0,90,24,0,5,27,316,112,2,0.0,0.06646901118250882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123515598346338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144492283942498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563586158679861,0.0,0.0,0.046165300997715535,0.149821971032454,0.052445678294912784,0.0,0.052707546695217614,0.0,0.0,0.13679150836133458,0.06195774856718516,0.2386837080678029,0.12641037852387366,0.17661962896815933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291364025781253,0.0,0.057197417568673616,0.0,0.0,0.09664990670060288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03617968735432761,0.115672724652549,0.14495585582907386,0.0,0.05822266678893275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740950519766561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057966021529278974,0.0,0.14821338062349615,0.0,0.0,0.05360569984868427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182855535695804,0.16031064444747267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02930979553487678,0.0,0.03188277159778618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992176188421271,0.0,0.0,0.05538687286861891,0.0,0.0,0.06322847731679195,0.0,0.037602469105708115,0.0,0.05627260720066414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249283986022767,0.0,0.0,0.1188030360891595,0.0,0.0,0.03962490112420538,0.21925997023655985,0.0,0.049537092833972333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047693987621608334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247951867838675,0.12479172556296883,0.043267573227378335,0.0,0.05966270344688158,0.0,0.0,0.05382920770121885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801463156738708,0.042666375586516016,0.05969407220156196,0.0,0.1245842310939286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861228171230561,0.0,0.05303238157786454,0.06324402083936527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611491529094998,0.0,0.03593892605611685,0.28839934926546684,0.0,0.0602301194759646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230638004033943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852425736154436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305845139731364,0.16842074538941268,0.057186613911323424,0.0,0.0,0.05548407129974395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480131996449647,0.046901889525408656,0.0,0.058647622436906265,0.0,0.2454560141526224,0.06366131322486655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903364012990975,0.05164909774390362,0.0,0.06513611495174708,0.03727017044236089,0.0,0.1653531111868954,0.13361076696138385,0.06542441196566537,0.0,0.0,0.3216341990921056,0.0,0.038088036839082566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535647395875062,0.0,0.046288155712063406,0.033089076551881216,0.08905871509418348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050621284094951716,0.0,0.0,0.054078141561933614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039851641386988115,0.0,0.0,0.07225277866717493
suicidewatch,NawarFox,2018/02/22,"Any tips for Painless Suicide? I'm done, I swear to God I'm done.
You can help if you tell me a painless way to suicide, I'm to much of a pussy for pain, even though I'm always in pain...
Please help, I just want to free this soul from it's endless pain.",1.6428947368421056,2.0318648245614064,3.0096052631578982,98.86598684210527,76.19298245614036,5.7,23.021929824561404,3.1291,-0.2804701754385968,193,5,51,0,4,63,37,57,0.238,0.496,0.266,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,8,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,9,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011678306901522,0.0,0.0,0.13085867819138508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938444358878048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709788884632928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579629136662268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414578448043642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6142757574148024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112298369865369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420973343596852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819188974019567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890610349089728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349992169200886,0.15274160300804876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nazerian,2018/02/22,"You guys are needed. This person just posted on the Make Me Feel Better sub, talking about suicide

https://www.reddit.com/r/MMFB/comments/7zgu5l/i_want_to_be_done/",18.768947368421053,25.338360894736844,9.230789473684217,45.80302631578948,45.31578947368421,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.7144526315789477,143,3,12,1,2,34,19,19,0.184,0.6970000000000001,0.119,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34594620980670565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778052081670566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873065137640013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611000558884129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900376492512457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34154283981948536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746198799225754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278618134630518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143968438910402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chasing-death,2018/02/22,"I used to be in love. A few months ago, I fell in love. I had been good friends with this girl for a few months. She was friends of my friends. One night, while she was over hanging out with us, I decided to take a chance. I kissed her. Her smile lit up the room. The following month or two literally felt like a dream come true. It felt perfect, and it just felt right. We made ground-shaking love, not fucking. Love. Different. To be honest... we hadn't made it official, but I kind of thought we already were a ""thing"" by the way we talked to each other, and everyone else around us seemed to think the same thing. One night, I decided, ok... I want to make it official with this one. I had been going through a really tough time, and she was there for me through it all. She was all I ever wanted. She was nice to me. She's good for me. I asked her out. Long story short, she told me that she did care about me, but wasn't in a position to be in a relationship right now. My whole heart broke, right there on the spot. And since then, I have done every drug under the sun trying to cope... I've almost drank and smoked myself into oblivion, watched every Netflix show there is... but nothing seems to be able to fill the gaping whole in my heart. It literally does feel like a hole which can't be filled. I wake up and go to sleep thinking of this girl. I dream about her sometimes, too. There hasn't been a time yet where I've actually tried to kill myself, but I actually have imagined it a few times. Like, actually imagined myself, pulling the trigger on myself. I don't know where else to turn, so I am turning to you, I have faith in you, my fellow Reddiors. Someone please help me get through this.

edit: added a few important details.",1.3053868725868725,3.549228222857142,2.394046332046333,94.74679150579149,82.4857142857143,5.6123552123552125,21.17374517374517,6.885778809224403,0.32636447876447905,1338,41,298,16,37,424,180,350,0.041,0.784,0.175,0.9902,1,0,2,0,0,1,68.0,6,2,0,1,15,25,2,0,20,1,28,12,4,5,5,54,61,14,1,2,7,0,4,3,4,0,1,0,1,2,16,19,1,0,14,4,0,9,6,4,0,4,23,6,52,21,46,33,10,48,1,1,2,6,35,23,1,4,18,202,68,1,0.08555875737687932,0.0,0.2504790156021146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584267609458492,0.0,0.08567473657604747,0.0,0.09441621631866554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616543357536229,0.07998588856411543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723285533799413,0.0,0.0,0.0737012935900616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893906912056044,0.0,0.0,0.07487304515079851,0.08755631416262769,0.0,0.0,0.09922099544947556,0.0,0.14294672625685645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773927943786892,0.14417388641793624,0.08175505921360512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326107848276802,0.061123193365490665,0.24644947346002036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983074511351084,0.07909769251947606,0.044700919421935784,0.0,0.09725002703923602,0.14352525275995456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277507888191476,0.057348231568520015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094658088452992,0.08909627967170942,0.04702085549952335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539906134372966,0.0,0.0,0.07571680790145784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30888047587818623,0.16191552990842187,0.057111134923706126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048765515801984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058219577805075,0.0,0.08209593523556269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393048482985501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391782278717999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548111308328218,0.0,0.0,0.0918580859516725,0.0,0.2192001339442408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557789587074261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077508824195762,0.0,0.08562054688822368,0.0,0.07249365747676785,0.0,0.08461979877749498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432953762867916,0.0687688882714077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136828732771841,0.10964519403179664,0.0,0.06792409635130271,0.14966999841527726,0.0,0.0,0.08175505921360512,0.0,0.11617756006913127,0.18612671842076547,0.08357847378352652,0.0,0.2058333011048904,0.07389529576844173,0.0,0.0,0.10092954370369853,0.06791255917341846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910465942638205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wellyesbut,2018/02/22,"15 yo here, tired of people telling me I'm too young to be depressed I struggle with depression and ptsd for solid 3 years now, and almost every time I tell someone, their response is somehow related to ""you're too young"" thinking. It's awful. Mental illnesses affect people of all ages, and I don't understand why I'm not included there. ",4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,5.63692307692308,77.80307692307693,70.53846153846153,8.276923076923078,31.461538461538463,8.841846274778883,2.867369230769232,270,12,46,5,5,89,53,65,0.267,0.71,0.023,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,11,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,6,1,6,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344936216299445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40339120833282105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973035349843024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359945146795633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32469656095505817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737394275333894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841672080122372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448117926525905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093606131569699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005064310884708,0.0,0.0,0.1365500161049754,0.26915107483831074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437856662456673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113075823149248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080178474985276
suicidewatch,CLWsucks,2018/02/22,"Struggling because I want to die but can’t bear to leave my children I’m 26. I’m married and have two kids. I have endometriosis and every day is excruciating pain. I can’t remember when I wasn’t in pain in 4 years. I can barely have sex. I miss sex so much. I can’t pick up my children. I rocked my son to sleep and threw up from the pain after. I had to leave my job. 

On top of that, I have severe PTSD. I have horrible memory, trust issues, anxiety, and I got frustrated very easily. I’ve been trying for years to get it under control. I thiught I was doing well but I guess not. My husband is very unhappy. He hates when I forget things, he thinks I just don’t try hard enough to remember. I’m very hard to deal with but I went to therapy every week for over a year. I’m out of my Zoloft right now and struggling. 

I have PTSD because my mother abused me my whole life. She also allowed her husband to molest me when I was a toddler and screamed at me when I told her I remembered. The argument culminated in her choking me until I passed out. When I didn’t come to school my teacher, who I shared with, called 911. She knew it was getting bad. My mom blames me and told the cops I had attacjed my little sister. Who was at school at the time. They still took me to a mental facility and treated me for homicidal tendencies for a week before a family member adopted me and took me out of state. My mother signed her rights away when I was 15. 

All of this to say, I want to die. My life is nothing but trying to deal with my pain and my broken mind. But I love my husband and I love my children so so so much. I don’t want to leave them. I feel like I’m being ripped in half and I don’t know what to do.  ",0.6234664775272485,2.5991797265193384,2.8289905928027497,92.20611691802307,83.22651933701657,6.0129610273256695,20.281021352844558,7.222845823187471,0.4370364939525162,1319,38,299,19,37,448,171,362,0.253,0.6609999999999999,0.086,-0.9969,2,0,0,0,1,2,39.0,0,0,2,2,15,19,3,2,9,0,29,12,1,3,1,44,56,29,2,3,7,8,3,1,0,0,7,2,0,4,8,19,0,1,7,1,0,6,9,12,1,2,18,5,67,7,46,37,5,44,0,1,0,4,33,20,0,1,18,199,75,3,0.0,0.09966910692874416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727118064668734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435199739293934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903403426738229,0.0,0.07023715305348954,0.10255822398481672,0.0,0.07158039994378351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589649598938466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246241304196234,0.0,0.0,0.09434835984366424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425080143987341,0.17344920523156387,0.0,0.0,0.17460771865340538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691902429798608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175039810821222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930137649460631,0.0,0.042533882174380234,0.0600957441633178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789904026717313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727889559791896,0.0,0.09266827958286887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507109958187952,0.08305163648716662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780000839687692,0.08347667480013912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623045928806253,0.0,0.0,0.2672145778184636,0.0,0.0,0.11883367713550735,0.04109705603769315,0.08431089938969191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184417758103766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477373811331843,0.0,0.08493778452217587,0.09852098202560093,0.0,0.0,0.12367657981274027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071594511209122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35804082289915523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666486377884326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587658509897634,0.14367699553162186,0.0,0.0668960448750843,0.0,0.17026899339658166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950322877137505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418130986957051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717878708665542,0.0,0.0,0.17588214561310694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961991904049321,0.0,0.05588596154789344,0.05390105757295372,0.0,0.0,0.04905137443711546,0.0,0.0,0.1607615980787941,0.1869220725090712,0.17133701324352316,0.0,0.08217356295541864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822481299740045,0.14884945557415033,0.0,0.13495287672445674,0.0,0.07563448502109779,0.07798060096812964,0.0,0.09391760001395644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251264600065016
suicidewatch,UniSteveVsq,2018/02/22,"Just want to die I'm so lonely and I can't stop thinking about having a girlfriend, I don't wanna go to bars or pubs or parties to meet people, I don't work I don't study, I just want to end this right now, if only I wasnt so afraid of hurting myself",-0.7613218390804591,0.9069074655172428,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,86.41379310344826,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-1.0704574712643682,195,4,48,0,6,68,40,58,0.17600000000000002,0.693,0.131,-0.6672,0,2,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,11,6,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,7,10,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635384555923336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102467720354857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907390344520445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749852005017744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664060088946813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428421302265784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29913977149768883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928522759742497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244472051520374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132119825515776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25501019875861203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thertow,2018/02/22,"I hate being alive I hate that my first attempt didn't succeed
I hate that I am too cowardly to try again
I hate breathing
I hate thinking
I hate being",-0.4203125000000014,1.8093700937500048,1.6559999999999988,94.589,98.0625,3.8100000000000014,22.025,5.6839178017228535,0.27164250000000045,121,5,25,1,5,40,19,32,0.609,0.333,0.058,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,6,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,8,1,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,18,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043495752725074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.978019253392867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579015319931316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209284626256973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MayoneggParmesan,2018/02/22,"If I end up trying, fail, and find myself in a hospital, what happens next? Looking for info from survivors of attempts. Considering the small likelihood of my attempt actually working, what would happen in the case that I fail? Let's say some one finds me and takes me to a hospital, is the hospital legally obligated to put me under a watch or admit me against my will into some kind of ward or behavioral hospital? Does health insurance cover anything in this sort of situation? Am I going to end up being alive and suddenly $10,000 in debt? I know there are different state laws regarding this, so if it helps, I live in Pennsylvania. Is there some where I can go to just get anonymous care (i.e get some stitches and leave)? Thanks for any info. ",5.462127659574467,6.8712434751773035,6.395524822695041,74.32350000000005,68.14893617021275,9.89531914893617,32.53971631205674,10.125756701596842,3.4975554609929085,594,26,105,15,10,197,97,141,0.065,0.8270000000000001,0.108,0.6397,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,23,21,9,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,3,13,3,21,17,4,19,0,2,2,0,3,11,0,9,4,73,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.1752620326141783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213300211699407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779409744196084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831124355929442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764199707292745,0.0,0.0,0.15716768188661762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181415709129494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282991834696824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766539732947413,0.0,0.20413970451427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31763636562963793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090459361213516,0.0,0.0,0.12038095415737354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870239912443978,0.09870252831712008,0.0,0.0,0.1901686668633536,0.0,0.18365142904829326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858858855177518,0.0,0.1508173383070325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910048286550882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170045555142517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054589603902185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428237760400381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187601312975087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503556968431402,0.0,0.0,0.16534998407417695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193545598775407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307497007940002,0.0,0.0,0.12758147879642448,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,solacely,2018/02/22,"Going to kill myself before I turn 18 I'm turning 17 soon so I have a year to do what I really want. The reason why I've picked 18 is because I'm terrified of becoming an adult. I have severe social anxiety and I'm unable to leave the house but my parents will be forcing me to get a job then if not sooner. I can't drive because I'm terrified to, I don't want to go to college because anxiety and lack of motivation, and it scares me that I'll have to do things on my own without the help of my parents. I'm terrified of being independent and I'm worried about what would happen if I was independent. I've struggled with severe mental illness my whole life and have been self-destructive for years and I'm worried that if I was independent that I would do stupid things. I know I won't have any type of future ahead of me because I'm too depressed to do anything. I need to kill myself asap so I can avoid everything.",2.061496494971045,3.8329134611398983,4.367180737580007,83.97290460225544,77.60103626943004,7.235476988722953,25.860713197195977,8.124751697461798,1.683729899420908,730,28,149,13,17,254,101,193,0.311,0.659,0.03,-0.9959,3,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,3,3,6,0,22,2,0,6,0,27,40,13,2,9,6,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,3,0,22,0,22,31,3,10,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,3,6,99,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719495891547101,0.0,0.1961780626206772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551529914949792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31265033724293273,0.14161047872339055,0.10910697998105504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104369166215197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523713979399207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699039705224014,0.0,0.1457423697084525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338577358724415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594411150151235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795029726073775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272399692298004,0.0,0.283715995629398,0.0,0.07046713625544193,0.0,0.0,0.13576796448740336,0.0,0.0,0.09056657718091564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292170280483647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950745543340028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847494141506097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214192157244908,0.131832969588012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837200455051198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376289961395754,0.28970740373848725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307055850128373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340448625287462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703692209771614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789361590383507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125662501908752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156998832277702,0.14315463049436902,0.0,0.12360086820702593,0.0,0.0,0.2604301413460311,0.0,0.18216962834292544,0.0,0.0,0.1651407743626903
suicidewatch,sangwook722,2018/02/22,"Is there a way...? I want to kill myself by hanging or drowning or strangling or OD on tyenol... Is there a painless way to die? And I don’t want my family to suffer...
Should I die far away from home...?",-0.5207142857142877,1.5363721666666663,1.7336190476190474,97.59471428571429,89.23809523809523,4.312380952380953,17.923809523809524,5.6839178017228535,-0.4995676190476184,149,4,35,1,5,50,30,42,0.273,0.627,0.1,-0.905,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,6,4,5,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,7,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687471065398816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5937355925534312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696561762930377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869247633566292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31646454264415586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374315117649589,0.4540957319095475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,K1ngCroutons,2018/02/22,"Be Me. Be me.

16 year old male, scotland. 
I like a girl, but she’s doesn’t like me back.
I’ve  liked this girl since February of 2016, a really long time. Over a year and a half passes, we got to the movies together, talk often, and we actually end up dating. 
Over a year and a fucking half we start dating, I’m the happy most smiling guy in the world, it’s September 21st 2017. I’m so happy. I love her more than anything and anyone in the world, over a whole year and a half of feeling like this and it finally worked out, seemingly out of nowhere it worked out and we’re together.

Be...me.....

26th of September, 2017, she breaks up with me. 5 days have passed since it started. We were only together for five days. I loved this girl for over a year and a half, for as long I can remember I’ve loved her, I can hardly imagine not loving her, and she breaks up with me after five days. All that time and love was worth only five days to her? What the fuck? I cry for two days straight. Nonstop. I die inside. For months I’m dead inside. She stops talking to me, we haven’t spoken in person since we went to the movies back in September. We go to the same school so this is really hard, it hurts more than you can imagine. She ignores me. 

I never get out of my depression, months of pure evil jealousy of anyone who says anything to her or even goes near her, pure hatred for everything and complete hopelessness and despair.

One day, mid February, she starts talking to me again, not in person, by text, and video chat, it’s with her friends but at least she’s there. I get invited to a movie night, I’m excited, overjoyed, this could be it, another chance? They never mention it again. They’re also going to the movies to see Shape of Water and Black Panther, I’ve already seen those movies but I’d watch them again happily if it was with her, I’m not invited though, well, I was, but she invited so many others, other guys too, and with her friends, maybe if it was just her friends but other guys? What would even be the point? She also isn’t talking to me now, I don’t know why exactly, she doesn’t even look at me. I’m angry, sad, alone, depressed, hopeless, bitter. I have no friends and haven’t been out with anyone since we went to the movies over 5 months ago now. 

No one in school wants to go anywhere with me, no one likes me. I haven’t had friends in a long time. 

I am completely alone.
 

The movie night is taking place 2 days from now, I just hope I’m still invited.",1.5464473631036562,3.5786386554455483,2.7763184481713488,93.51408769448376,80.26732673267327,6.181854920185896,21.197211557890483,7.290443533043144,0.517965851687209,1911,55,423,26,49,614,213,505,0.168,0.665,0.16699999999999998,0.4320000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,2,89.0,8,1,2,2,24,32,4,0,23,0,28,8,0,0,6,70,62,31,2,6,13,0,3,5,5,1,0,1,0,9,23,36,1,2,6,2,1,7,15,12,1,11,11,10,59,20,63,45,7,84,0,7,5,7,58,30,2,7,50,270,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.06545246299696789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945515961174114,0.0,0.0,0.13893244438083152,0.07401546860190153,0.1072746891215646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703306963961316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406946181985749,0.0,0.11038885661317664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314824500379544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064714439415274,0.0,0.0,0.05355142487049138,0.0,0.07367529198762307,0.3027906201569924,0.0,0.11553779453784822,0.0,0.06961000445029374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059405762581269166,0.0,0.0,0.13290099870634636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060279865591852014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03391354918649392,0.04791615228598234,0.0,0.07347394740409352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590977746427658,0.12401371301299965,0.07008456019427109,0.0,0.11435545614159995,0.0,0.053643495924464366,0.0,0.0,0.19923506800183569,0.0,0.14279849059186933,0.12016642987563515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661749375258749,0.0,0.0,0.07180181649061633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686094179111359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383962150930936,0.0,0.0,0.17806946422058564,0.056323472389328326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026748748189168,0.0,0.0,0.06800034167607709,0.06738270139441897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060836328761238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345991109715796,0.0,0.0,0.12588479959331955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038063745384532,0.0,0.13634889048495594,0.10202234827965104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712912727383787,0.0700758212540517,0.0,0.06340459002036886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593590574523835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597934583283637,0.0,0.0,0.05333823747740546,0.0,0.13576061218244345,0.053447590939872114,0.06105970497764475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219301525021529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424214294179098,0.0,0.05356367638420224,0.05607508069711914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042969373460316,0.21563929117688205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589776479617629,0.0,0.11733042797397684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551946416959414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03956072253410402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060305659790047435,0.12435257781938193,0.060521923942497675,0.074883339698281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765823008481538,0.0,0.0,0.047645927046870734,0.0,0.0,0.21596040348001425
suicidewatch,mckahla,2018/02/22,"I think this is my last day. My boyfriend of two years, the person I swear I’m going to spend the rest of my life with told me he doesn’t love me anymore. It doesn’t make sense to m  how you just decide to stop loving someone... I can’t physically live with the pain. I’m in love with him, and I’ll always love him and he wont even text me back. I also think I may be pregnant with his baby. I can’t do this anymore. Whenever I can be alone I think I’m going to end it. Nothing is okay anymore. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying. I can’t listen to music or watch movies. How do you just decide to stop loving someone? How do you quit loving someone that you promised forever? Please someone make it stop hurting. I can’t make it stop and it’s all too much. I always love so much and it’s never enough. ",-0.4711666666666652,1.4585331055555564,1.8833333333333364,97.59000000000002,87.38888888888891,4.266666666666667,17.333333333333336,5.341637118332708,-0.7100333333333331,629,15,151,3,20,213,87,180,0.133,0.688,0.179,0.9402,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,0,1,10,11,0,0,3,1,19,11,1,6,2,30,39,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,9,8,1,5,5,0,1,2,11,2,0,1,1,2,27,9,13,34,5,14,0,1,1,7,19,1,0,2,11,93,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828844691554306,0.0,0.07589201092729797,0.1579298767112579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28234781562347244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297273756802737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424390152760782,0.061203064612666225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710705104881268,0.0,0.0,0.08405380280996509,0.0980577340608585,0.0,0.06268098050380534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078684462372382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159310246111526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735669129138123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703113158564006,0.0,0.0,0.0837990075411363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5995607562861994,0.0,0.19004075087547187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395257858769501,0.0,0.07319322729171544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105972765108088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009809764845398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082863582078506,0.0,0.10417240926781522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009385167206925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496918036936973,0.0,0.3216360316658242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967059398505777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242550276338695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068163246727946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270413983814536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111290346298188
suicidewatch,TheDarkW,2018/02/22,"I'm 16 years old and I don't want to carry on living. I'm 16 years old and I don't want to carry on living. I've always been the smart one of the family meaning that if my brother failed his education I would have that much more pressure on me to succeed. He failed and I couldn't take the pressure so I ended up playing video games and trying to get good at League of legends, giving up my education along the way. I'm no where near I need to be to make a career out of it. My education is out the window. I am attending college but got kicked off a course for not turning up due to not wanting to wake up at all. All options are closed for me and I feel like the only way out is to take my own life. The only reason I am here today is because I am too scared to take my own life. I don't know what to do anymore.",0.7323333333333331,2.214025733333333,3.2197222222222237,92.01625,80.55555555555556,5.6111111111111125,20.694444444444443,6.322622252153567,0.07977777777777773,632,17,148,5,16,220,98,180,0.08900000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.2693,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,0,3,9,0,16,3,1,2,2,28,34,8,0,7,4,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,10,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,5,0,1,2,1,19,5,31,29,6,26,0,2,0,0,5,16,0,2,8,100,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314281336744191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664524546037226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628564559356187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989796815644415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890242704225634,0.0,0.07986492249255404,0.11284043930103985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252303433445009,0.15152127832364742,0.0,0.13248205534177626,0.12632808263970152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680590294342418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313134679366414,0.07716702608207994,0.0,0.2789477809834831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054337183470916,0.0,0.0,0.17205526921736472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161123786019963,0.1171188865400984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314866352865507,0.0,0.10703188776305264,0.24025816033161265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240024174271153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813680475491132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562791578630731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497193623401332,0.0,0.0,0.1072385635738494,0.17180565605165127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794913049260499,0.250748777648551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220407070220928,0.0,0.0,0.20343091536123767
suicidewatch,JoeInTheBean,2018/02/22,"I’m getting to the end of my rope. I’m 28. Work full time in retail. Have a degree from Boston University. Live at home. I can’t afford to live alone and get out in the world on what I earn. My parents bum me out, I know there hearts are in the right place but there coaching is so smothering. I resent that I have to rely on them for anything and I resent that my degree didn’t give me any sort of leg up in the world. I can’t stand being told I’m attractive and young and should be happy. I feel broken and poor and tired of everything. I have been on antidepressants for about 5 years now and have had ups and downs but I don’t connect with my therapist at all. I feel like I had every opportunity and somehow fucked it all up. I had an acquaintance kill himself last year and it’s becoming more and more attractive to me. I wish I could get away from my parents and have my own space, but I’m afraid that I feel that way because I want my own space to die in privacy. ",1.3448875830352591,3.1343833252427205,3.1306540623403163,91.92832141032193,79.8252427184466,6.472764435360245,20.550843127235566,7.475848149327749,0.468236893203883,759,20,174,11,19,253,114,206,0.18,0.711,0.109,-0.9587,3,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,5,1,6,0,19,4,2,0,2,30,35,16,2,4,3,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,15,0,0,4,1,2,0,4,6,0,0,6,3,29,5,31,25,7,33,0,0,0,1,6,24,1,2,8,119,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637550807671911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752074988824883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011169717087812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855027923607447,0.0,0.0,0.09638286183999067,0.17462093054179192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623858946622527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640940235632261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003921823856544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321514848628946,0.0,0.1420997709011887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398366779287432,0.11295437034326948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617086513655905,0.2478190648619157,0.15167426405523718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831186167146156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873620314587896,0.0,0.0,0.1585980004218081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749261481672161,0.0,0.08689354782548321,0.12888138563414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772449389275257,0.0,0.2792294247949744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511266123697985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519210930787778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502573925187514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835787979354581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219566528636586,0.1817250785835268,0.0,0.15108162266049416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325783250488102,0.1255009749566597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181959000186054,0.0,0.0,0.11510652840227642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363631243654506
suicidewatch,Tellingfinalstory23,2018/02/22,"If you only had a couple of days left and knew it? Definitely not a cry for help, I'm not depressed, I've just got myself in a shit situation through my own poor decisions and now I'm stuck with literally no other option.
I won't go into detail but sufficed to say it involves the Police. Nobody else really knows anything about it, those who do know something don't know any details as I've kept it vague. Also means I literally can't talk to another human being about my situation, not even professional help. It's nothing horrific, but it's bad enough. 

So I've ended up in this surreal life now for a while now where I've had this axe swinging over my head so my job and every human interaction feels fruitless because I know it'll end. 
I got the call last week which confirmed my fears that the axe was going to drop, so here we are. 

What else is there to do? I've looked at so many years different methods, read up, got that online guide. Even had a failed Helium Bag attempt sometime ago. Woke up to see my cat staring at me like I was an idiot.

But it's weird when you've planned it out in advance, should I just spend all my money...? Go out with a bang? How do you do it? When?

You start eyeing up opportunity everywhere you walk ""I could jump off there, looks high enough"" etc.

My life had become a horror version of Requiem for a Dream. Nobody knows my situation. If you read this then you know more than any other human (other than the others who might have read). 
Pretty amazing power of the internet right?

Want to know the saddest part? With the knowledge of my upcoming demise, you'd think I'd be doing amazing things with the time I have left. But no, I'm literally wasting time doing dumbshit I normally would, eating crappy food etc etc. Oh well.

I'm still hoping for a miracle. It could happen. It's happened before. 
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suicidewatch,therealzombieforhire,2018/02/22,"I'm going to kill myself in two months. I don't know what else to say. I'm so tired of everything, and most of all myself. Therapy isn't working. I'm worthless and always will be. I'm going to see a comedy show in May then after that I'm going to take sleeping pills and it'll finally be over.",-0.7013461538461527,1.3633112307692308,2.646442307692311,90.56043269230771,90.53846153846152,5.711538461538463,17.35576923076923,7.1686216300943375,0.3058076923076922,230,6,51,4,8,83,44,65,0.131,0.7929999999999999,0.076,-0.6742,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,1,7,18,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,10,13,2,10,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,4,31,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192882995230755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127671861631552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22890580510765776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790088020243545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342515946167714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28178518886171605,0.0,0.13997515546653574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032972167649927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254577665215104,0.0,0.0,0.2029610337553557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548815676467309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191500918794555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291268934811605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29273745592693706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488025736074389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542290666599626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alwaysherealright,2018/02/22,Mind having a conversation w me? Just normal stuff. The purpose? Well the subreddit we're on makes it clear.,0.8230000000000004,2.085735300000003,2.490000000000002,84.33500000000002,121.0,5.6000000000000005,19.0,6.742157984588678,1.2218000000000004,86,3,15,2,5,28,19,20,0.0,0.748,0.252,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131400725584739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736756987739874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.459636278712207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370281571258401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217936427859799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PenGaZoR,2018/02/22,No good reason to live. Failing at most aspects of life. Nothing in life I particularly enjoy or desire. I've been trying to get better for the last couple years but I've given up as I have only gotten worse. Tired of having anxiety attacks every night and morning. Tired of fantasizing about suicide and hurting myself all day. I'll probably hang myself or overdose soon. I honestly can't see a reason not to anymore.,2.9912939521800297,5.836467088607595,5.0105485232067535,74.77365682137837,80.64556962025316,6.042756680731365,26.499296765119553,7.3871296695380915,2.0047963431786218,336,14,51,5,9,115,63,79,0.312,0.568,0.121,-0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,2,0,4,4,0,2,1,11,8,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,1,5,4,12,5,2,9,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,5,33,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365550102555574,0.0,0.18623289591447093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363327573600305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608113882445402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778123952384456,0.0,0.12110620303353699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821750128801326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811024661863643,0.0,0.0,0.15750568586035893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010284120791638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307036046031325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265277102797177,0.0,0.0,0.16581816099426927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622410270397582,0.0,0.18018538671032688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281944158004695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024646815154596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861498282704846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496408428260777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540701191420416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43166393884720455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749412335734364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136961069215866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092779571735908
suicidewatch,Armahahh,2018/02/22,"This is it Killing myself sometime next week. OD:ing on painkillers, alcohol, redbull and sleeping pills.

Life sucks when you cant find a job, educate yourself or find a girlfriend, and when Your other family members are highly successful (brother has an engineering degree and father has a pH D in physics). Why can't I succeed in anything? Useless piece of crap.

I guess you can say this is my last farewell.",5.2928,7.389965946666668,5.175666666666668,80.21950000000002,69.53333333333333,7.666666666666668,36.5,8.344100000000001,3.2198,326,18,55,5,6,101,62,75,0.189,0.759,0.052000000000000005,-0.87,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,3,0,2,2,6,3,0,4,0,8,5,2,0,0,7,10,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,10,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,4,2,2,5,34,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595623319451432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986760211976912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289634221936365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44397152331290707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675571012759592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566135601758266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24101857975800875,0.0,0.26870812188632504,0.0,0.0,0.1979776919729113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155165894661392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583031241256542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314604667499247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24305304200855535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021219502220684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482179159783689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191592917109382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GameBuyer,2018/02/22,"Talked to some friends yesterday Hey guys,

I kind of admitted more or less to a few friends what I was going through to some family and friends. I wanted to share the experience, because I was scared and embarrassed, but I'm glad I did.

My brothers were supportive, but didn't know what to do.

My very normal male friends kind of awkwardly moved off it, which I kind of expected. Can't resent that.

My very normal female friends are *all over this*. It's charming and embarrassing. They treat me like I'm five now. It's sweet, but also, c'mon guys. That said, it's more nice than it sounds.

My friend who actually *had* been suicidal knew exactly what to do; he came over, brought some snacks, and we watched dumb TV and good music videos for a few hours.

I wanted to encourage you guys to share yourselves a bit to people in your lives. I did, and it helped. Even when it didn't help, it didn't hurt, y'know?",2.565912095175147,4.793749926966292,3.2766754791804367,90.21971249173828,77.82022471910112,7.109583608724389,23.95373430270985,8.124751697461798,1.3004014540647717,709,24,149,13,17,223,108,178,0.108,0.597,0.29600000000000004,0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,2,1,0,4,27,2,4,4,0,14,1,0,0,2,25,26,12,1,5,4,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,4,16,8,1,0,3,2,0,4,4,7,0,1,14,4,17,20,19,12,10,12,0,1,1,0,26,4,1,4,5,94,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.11783360826695312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965629337393705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360747122223317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182663710200554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810469105242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975357739441079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811569444215173,0.11383141324823215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5597422791837666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862444082917732,0.10127853446811336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586814900618122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187102230188866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891344450889868,0.0,0.12926430465424782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772245144958733,0.13272098791962195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899186339382882,0.0,0.10662358150413884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283370803221298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236616770179094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371215467301196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485995269879405,0.0,0.12089081641834425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207981046848472,0.13702453718957502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705347438444473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992611459773344,0.14244178044322606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidecop,2018/02/22,"suicide by cop This is it, I’m so full of hate and anger and loneliness I just can’t take it anymore, I want to kill a bunch of people who’ve made my life hell and then to having police shoot me. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I just want someone to hear me, someone to understand how I’m feeling, especially before I leave this earth. I’m so utterly alone",1.3238698010849888,2.9385159620253205,3.4494032549728786,90.43316455696205,79.25316455696202,6.53960216998192,23.943942133815554,7.447530270364453,0.9429840867992768,287,10,65,4,7,98,53,79,0.34600000000000003,0.608,0.046,-0.9828,0,1,0,1,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,12,17,7,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,7,16,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371096172406031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270439188332013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948084666822612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121068408267538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575739133816587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260278228708412,0.0,0.0,0.2580285604000956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532847948471815,0.0,0.1258177503198808,0.0,0.0,0.242411154547172,0.0,0.0,0.16170492516920856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662566002372632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871604243583395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192582963387132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879550382182816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25041984506452164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213208091546905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383314195585269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700658674689609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657997179311746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sapphiresinn,2018/02/22,Time's up. I'm ashamed of myself and my life. I'm ashamed of my family and friends. I'm ashamed of the man I'm with. I'm afraid I might not make it until the end of the week. I'm mostly afraid that I may be carrying a life inside me that doesn't deserve this world. I can't sleep anymore. I want to sleep.. I'm trying to find a reason to continue but everything seems so bleak. I gave myself two weeks... then 8 days. Now it just doesn't matter anymore. ,-0.2309090909090905,1.7584648989898994,1.9846464646464632,96.8636363636364,86.87878787878788,5.216161616161617,19.1010101010101,6.574015621080383,-0.05282626262626256,351,10,84,4,11,118,60,99,0.099,0.877,0.024,-0.5142,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,5,5,0,6,4,2,2,0,15,17,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,10,1,10,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,9,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41909929042957533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626895374404036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714624569226865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989993640628144,0.0,0.19919181502523906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312144424847796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324738101048766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29849035264041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410422525648765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415251037634806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724829847191265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235666799178072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228987855024765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232088613780392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345665509476616,0.0,0.20640626778141585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462832522354478,0.0,0.3389790902236133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iloveyou7410,2018/02/22,"My daughter tried to commit suicide. Please answer these questions. Recently my 16yr old daughter has been struggling mentally feeling like I wish her mother would have killed her when she was being abused and that I wish I had never gotten custody of her when I did. Well tonight she tried to take her own life. I found her in the garage with a rope around her neck hanging and I grabbed hedge clippers and cut the rope in time to save her and right now shes in her hospital room, and my wife ( her step mom) and I are in the waiting area just waiting to be able to see her. 

Here are the problems; 
1) I blame myself for all this I should have gotten her help sooner….how do I move on and stop blaming myself and making myself feel like im not a good enough dad to raise her? 
2) What do I say to her when I finally get to see her? 
3) how do I stop myself from breaking down and crying when I see her?",3.5579251559251546,4.431740659459461,4.0562162162162165,91.32806652806656,72.13513513513513,6.5571725571725565,25.041580041580037,6.297961479604792,0.6205467775467772,702,20,153,4,13,221,111,185,0.17600000000000002,0.705,0.119,-0.9266,0,0,0,0,1,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,2,1,6,0,17,2,1,2,3,33,32,14,2,5,2,6,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,11,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,7,7,39,5,19,21,3,27,0,0,3,0,27,10,0,1,15,107,43,0,0.14474593045473452,0.17150025855915518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885456602404205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899660785925135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495612391858915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463757831330006,0.2068130432769336,0.0,0.15856209168797633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587064416399703,0.0,0.0,0.0756237744946338,0.0,0.0,0.12140601904127556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702014607054334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635044341748588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013992615439074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223833132589837,0.1414311004416516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661903254910556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586985329219712,0.0,0.0,0.16952468434348533,0.0,0.1538420169596323,0.0,0.0,0.11163698487025528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188650512593924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158887565252167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385023070802797,0.0,0.0,0.16214856877168787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142919144044888,0.0,0.0,0.12361223373001586,0.0,0.11510777357385077,0.0,0.0,0.3460312987608976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24202815830776775,0.0,0.1513198742221683,0.0,0.1583285547023144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088309258486527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440251606409405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965459708127025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301439747662266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33290135318690395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028233560314147,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alternate-_-accoun,2018/02/22,"Hey I’ve been feeling really a lot worse recently, got released from a mental hospital a while ago but now I’ve got zero therapy available to me; I’ve been having really vivid delusions and I’ve been really paranoid that the relationship I have with my girlfriend is being really damaged because of them. I’ve been trying really hard but coursework from college is piling up and I’ve had no motivation recently, it’s due tomorrow and I’ve got 4500 words done so I’ve not got much left to do but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I had a panic attack from a lesson I had this morning and I’ve spent the rest of the day doing shit all when I know I have to do my work. 


this is an alternative account because my main has been found, I don’t talk to my parents about what I think in terms of delusions  because I’m afraid that they’ll not believe me. I don’t know what to do and I’ve started self harming again and I don’t want to be back I the place I was at.

Edit: I know my girlfriend is going to break up with me. I don’t want to upset her or traumatise her with my death so I don’t know what I’m going to do :(
I can’t do this any more ",0.839639001349525,2.7012667611336063,3.3767864372469627,89.18329031713901,81.79352226720647,6.383873144399461,22.032557354925775,7.492282038375204,0.8440257759784076,898,29,198,14,24,313,120,247,0.205,0.7659999999999999,0.029,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,3,8,7,2,3,10,0,35,1,1,1,1,30,55,14,1,2,7,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,9,0,2,3,10,7,0,1,16,3,30,0,24,36,7,23,0,1,1,0,11,6,1,2,13,136,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566832947551373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873523345402685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844712914591388,0.0,0.10033599493999093,0.0,0.2386299134416709,0.0,0.0,0.14701350030977667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415293965864595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133532901470858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597784963666573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307161360671145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831686786801174,0.0,0.4174476093465229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689019332820305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868476739590001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177386639787676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109348796492939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149961067385454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959225253999633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309768741292742,0.14488971641724432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633052596296766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179646781048237,0.0,0.2576791759993993,0.140093571297476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612578378801304,0.0,0.13394242485225066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235895269567833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488003372035427,0.0,0.0,0.14922258198026972,0.0,0.0,0.08361042279718553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885917071213223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392853095496445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499566065596124,0.0,0.13297679968230985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sedimentsock,2018/02/22,"Had Enough 35 and wife cheated and left me 5 months ago and took my stepson (who also wants nothing to do with me). The woman literally saved my life when my heart disintegrated and now here I am in a room of a shared house, family/friends only care when they need something from me. 

Tried therapy, medication, meeting new people, etc and I’m just going through the motions. All week having been staring at the many meds I take to keep my partially artificial heart working and know that an OD of one in particular will be fatal. Stuff that I used to enjoy has no effect and just tired of waking up (on the rare occasion I do sleep) and not recognizing myself.

Tomorrow is the day

(Just wanted to type this all out)",7.676708074534162,6.7290873333333385,8.088426501035197,72.18586956521742,63.34782608695652,11.074120082815735,34.20703933747412,10.290406445055957,3.307895238095239,564,20,107,11,7,187,104,138,0.08199999999999999,0.8370000000000001,0.08,-0.0772,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,8,6,1,0,8,0,10,7,4,2,2,24,21,11,2,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,10,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,1,13,4,16,16,4,20,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,9,75,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032591353614125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561620006415873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290210926492214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936759948293133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522552265711744,0.18913089899480745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102011641278444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963784501608019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401915524938384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956770756416877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073398057235204,0.0,0.0,0.09319888777924357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842534259675925,0.0,0.11978213833803288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719314782767374,0.0,0.0,0.18836950586904166,0.17083795890812895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536026752721012,0.0,0.0,0.12574432836203175,0.0,0.16378520729518814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627203455545128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491445348976688,0.12897621338831844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756813796253038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697063921160241,0.0,0.0,0.13055398722685518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413301653144271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275060033394473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393399263326008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491176996933887,0.0,0.0,0.18841397562899534,0.115136350331387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646605861534834,0.0,0.0,0.20004998031876747,0.0,0.13602999199032878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345911395823955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DazedAdi,2018/02/22,"Sooner or later I don’t want to live anymore. I lost all my interest, aspersions, motivation, everything. I constantly feel lost and just go in circles. I want to die Everyday but can’t get myself to end it. I am already getting help but it just feels like it’s useless and a waste of money and recourses. I’m a lost cause and I will never get better but I’m too scared to kill myself. I just want to die and I can’t even bring myself to Ho though it, it’s frustrating. I lost all hope in myself from recovery and I never will. Kill me please.",0.3203160556257885,2.6479991415929263,2.9082996207332488,88.58763274336286,88.55752212389382,6.414412136536031,20.460809102402024,7.7094869923839395,1.0471092288242727,425,14,89,9,14,147,63,113,0.298,0.515,0.187,-0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,5,13.0,0,0,0,6,6,13,3,1,2,0,6,1,0,2,4,25,23,11,4,4,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,5,9,0,0,4,2,16,4,10,17,2,10,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,2,7,59,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545918510522101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389307851757309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389746132905433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391013752930493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138659425470116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907808230628977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407739860435855,0.0,0.0,0.09252755667064996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590308727415694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416665581809362,0.10007971059443237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957238321802766,0.0,0.0796158874029187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389879851598787,0.0,0.0,0.13914012660060313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30997575801221633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844047830338787,0.0,0.1237012783923504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6116953853535756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609076411083947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377580925781378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402536692716858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376368701363912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478846155147994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joeytain,2018/02/22,"With each day I find it gets easier, i move closer to that final point.  For me its freedom from all.  Absolute control. Absolute freedom.  Burden, sad bumbling mistake.  I was easily able to dissapoint so many.  To destroy relationship.  To be used, absused. Taken advantage of.  There was never really any hope.  But i made the attempt.  Anti depresents, counseling.  Becoming active.  Chasing hobbies.  I never could lose the clouds inside of me.  I was never loved the way i loved, never needed the way i needed.  Never chosen.  Just settled for.  I can say this with true conviction.  Especially when the signs were confirmed.

I would have been 28 this year.  I will adsure i never reach that point.  Each day is harder to endure, but is becoming easier to escape.  The hand doesnt shake as much anymore.  What little reservations exist, i will fix as soon as i understand the.  I used to think this was cowardly.  How i feel.  To posess the gall to pain all those in life i love.   I am greatful to know that it is not many.

I will become another statistic.  Talking doesnt help.  It isnt even a bandaid.  I know im still trying.  Not for much longer.  I am thankful, i can do this. I dont have to pretend anymore.",1.0792666666666657,3.6640846488888967,3.0528333333333366,84.30725000000002,95.84444444444445,5.877777777777778,21.805555555555557,7.279313950308263,1.4380888888888888,926,35,164,19,36,309,132,225,0.116,0.715,0.168,0.9238,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,4,8,15,1,1,9,0,26,7,1,5,9,36,43,8,0,6,5,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,6,1,0,2,12,7,0,0,8,3,25,8,23,29,6,22,0,2,0,3,7,5,0,1,13,120,38,0,0.10550128902824216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174449433255964,0.11062730037296023,0.0,0.0,0.20925785934796348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34955365474914063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832866660186618,0.08423419457103108,0.0,0.0,0.13607920703867765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236467250084991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968260639679973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334462169172808,0.0,0.0,0.11557150526817213,0.09642626685480957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512006911213303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631554360590578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071529016390292,0.0,0.0,0.10478658493514724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395949626259393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596149870570648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451868048443623,0.0,0.10574000778940178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180289562380034,0.0,0.0,0.28565709717996346,0.0998278705929732,0.0,0.2139234959850924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213117387795278,0.15511117313931333,0.1564557380249246,0.4882145882804564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226080991999617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994656383238528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758682726639251,0.0,0.0,0.11326890166110998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389885954693564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425346569952498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847979398031003,0.0,0.0971314123919988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760096605395667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162844996368298,0.0,0.0,0.10983056258119353,0.0,0.18223848021431294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674840250996584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494508874580452,0.0,0.0,0.06793937113855537
suicidewatch,fabfabpan,2018/02/22,Please I just want to cry. I want to feel motivated. But I can't. I feel like my entire world has been flipped upside down. Inside the I'm breaking down I feel like crying like I want to cry but I can't cry! I just feel numb and tears always wanting to fall but never can. I have no one to talk to about it since no one will get it. I feel like I'm going insane. I can't concentrate in school anymore I feel no drive. I'll stare at the paper telling me self to do it. But with no motivation or drive I just never do it. I tell myself I'm okay but I'm not okay. I'm worried I'm worried I'm so worried. All I want to do is run and run to who knows where and just hope I find a place I can just cry. I put on a fake act because I feel like I have to be strong. I tell people I'm great I'm happy. But inside I feel like a part of me just broke. Top it off the person I care the most about in this world is suicidal. And I can't see her. I feel like the only way I can just let go of how I feel is if I see her but I can't. My mind is going everywhere but where I want it to go. I want to just cry I want to feel motivated to do things. But instead I lay on the floor of my room. Just waiting for tears to come. Just hoping they come. Hoping someone notices I'm breaking. That I just want to give up. That I just want to run and run and run. The only thing I'm still motivated to do is help my friends. But I never have the motivation to help myself.,-1.4564125874125864,0.3554739787878809,1.4766666666666666,99.54653846153849,91.03030303030305,4.354312354312355,15.431235431235432,5.716464563530887,-0.9409883449883448,1103,23,288,8,39,385,125,330,0.159,0.586,0.255,0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,7,20,20,0,0,11,2,26,1,0,6,4,73,74,20,1,14,25,0,11,7,1,1,1,0,1,2,12,9,0,1,18,0,0,16,13,3,0,2,1,14,47,17,35,70,3,40,0,1,3,0,14,17,0,6,11,180,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571364686715058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809924107998601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185878334543408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001061216756582,0.0,0.0,0.11830113004530605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525650399677508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38192124211224704,0.2943344341010469,0.0,0.0,0.06276042021503787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305197603037989,0.0,0.035875688363713236,0.06587167092741457,0.1561002193485187,0.0,0.0,0.0757056415472243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309732889928743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920521237848485,0.0,0.0,0.20460555981071596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773760317037881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021668916960616,0.0,0.2348306919882208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933412420794813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888073714255202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817786728617883,0.0,0.0,0.09306111151475746,0.10444873914794618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435970051875543,0.0,0.04760507170878955,0.059957400841810574,0.0717424299495607,0.07537577718049998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902932979457717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949469899252363,0.10943746303236784,0.0,0.0716346866467263,0.0,0.0,0.05680207571830793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818135057656198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483757781308032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511058427770508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519195660063668,0.18005402909200138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912386453506003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050159262304564,0.05450469118745223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092041024364007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wizardofpancakes,2018/02/22,"It becomes harder to avoid these thoughts I have a job, a loving girlfriend, friends. 

But every day it gets a little bit harder to not thinking about killing myself. I have an appointment to a psychiatrist in March. Maybe it will help. But I can't even work properly because those thoughts are lingering in my mind almost every day. 

Every small failure brings me down and victories don't feel like they matter. 

I'm not going to kill myself, because it will upset a lot of people. But it's an only reason why I wouldn't do it right now. I don't need courage or smth to do it, I need it to not do that. And it just gets harder every day. 

I want other people to be happy, especially my loved ones. But I don't want to be happy myself. 
",3.00382882882883,4.604514337837841,4.448378378378378,85.13693693693695,74.54054054054055,6.5549549549549555,23.819819819819823,7.1686216300943375,0.9647009009009008,574,17,113,6,12,191,84,148,0.08199999999999999,0.713,0.205,0.9606,1,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,4,11,2,2,7,0,15,2,0,1,0,26,30,7,2,5,9,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,2,1,15,7,13,23,2,13,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,3,6,78,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363363122566694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599368825374086,0.1503689128626062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864244987158146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26341984889653897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992694792597149,0.0,0.4588548919665711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884241656642445,0.09726683862523956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519050563126793,0.0,0.14226734162315674,0.0,0.07737817811451334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898721428513047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912596492147188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510960501114572,0.0,0.30126348141126497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651686859434403,0.13645982356087735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575135047018485,0.2457645432731357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367827346308236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747445672445333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190959743912504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225995059297556,0.10354954240751764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878096306131056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998667679896784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627285203886215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724054492827815,0.0,0.21617856511723008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061166145630912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285577886699585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912009680361078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tiny-Ghostt,2018/02/22,"Eh? I'm not really certain. I always thoughts dreams consisting of death is normal, either I or other people die in a majority of my dreams. And i have noticed it has been a pattern for me to search up about suicide methods and how i dissociate or get agitated real easily. I feel like its selfish of me not to care about how it will impact my family and friends if i do suicide or die unexpectantly. For me, suicide is an option that is just always there. I hope this isn't the case for many people out there, but that is my stance on suicide at the moment. I have never attempted at committing to it through. Sorry, just. I don't know if i should consider this normal? ",2.7745989974937366,4.828023947368422,4.968590225563911,79.18090538847119,76.44360902255639,7.741604010025062,26.12092731829573,8.59863814320734,2.0948250626566414,527,20,99,11,12,183,81,133,0.227,0.695,0.078,-0.9649,0,0,1,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,2,3,29,20,11,7,6,11,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,16,5,18,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,7,3,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520772471420486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443798677333012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31441249712581104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279634372106828,0.0,0.07658987935950043,0.10821315996075023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702854922720647,0.0,0.07913898926834502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044800476898804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324622909074014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400261633896839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357100894204534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682619925595546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968250035777155,0.0,0.17245431885401305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002620052253984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241073972806628,0.09703821645860668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956290475069205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6627525206295095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025355186698745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,threatofsadness,2018/02/22,"I Have No Choice but to Kill Myself I'm 21 years old and as much as I hate it, my life is pretty much over. I've thought about it a lot lately and I can't think of a single thing that would make me happy. I'm overweight, freakishly tall, I am constantly used by my family and other people around me, I have no hobbies, I'm a NEET with $5000 worth of debt, I've never been in a relationship or had sex with anyone, and at the end of the day, it's all my fault. I can't remember the last time I felt content with life (except for when I was tripping on psychadelic mushrooms). My mom died when I was 13 and after that, my dad kinda stopped caring about being a good parent. He provided food and shelter but that was about it. I've tried hard to get out of the situation I always find myself in but I always fail because the one constant is me. I'm the problem. I'm a worthless piece of shit who can't do anything right, and though maybe people enjoy being around me occasionally, given enough time they'll learn to despise me. Even if things changed, even if I was making $100,000 a year, with a beautiful wife, and close friends, I still don't think I would be happy. I'm just a broke human being and I can't seem to be fixed, even after years of therapy. I truly believe I was destined to kill myself. I don't know why. I'm not religious, but if there is a god, I'm sure he's laughing his ass off at me. I really wish things were different. I'm terrified of death but at this point I have no choice. I would go to a mental hospital (again) but I doubt it would help me very much, and I don't have insurance anyways and I don't want to further contribute to my insurmountable debt. I can't change for some reason. I'm just done. I'm terrified of death, and while I hate to imagine how my suicide will affect my dad, I can't see any other way out of this misery.",3.2496098388464816,3.8905117557251927,4.8291603053435095,86.36492790500428,72.66412213740458,7.857845631891433,25.242578456318913,8.045849151850463,1.2669331636980492,1452,42,320,20,27,491,197,393,0.263,0.608,0.129,-0.9966,4,0,0,0,0,3,48.0,0,0,1,1,18,20,6,1,17,0,39,7,2,6,3,66,68,29,6,10,14,5,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,16,21,2,1,11,0,3,2,15,12,0,1,12,3,47,8,45,45,9,41,0,3,1,2,14,17,2,9,21,214,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790787542325987,0.0,0.0,0.06452670187918726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634749282647433,0.0,0.07808426469371121,0.16893984861935704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784249271583335,0.0,0.0,0.10690563305521196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967440522796558,0.0,0.20075662509952286,0.0,0.0,0.20507919108245046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061194538383944036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847816490887264,0.09913716190765258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710277855680696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404209323378191,0.09804407359019623,0.0,0.18801674515770292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945141820950225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110680699502174,0.0,0.08672538614352608,0.0,0.11473824926715795,0.0,0.07330978809809438,0.0,0.04957476249915765,0.0,0.05392670951574361,0.07958706901579644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020188537020682,0.0850004937598689,0.18736337241012171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360103990077969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099577509530393,0.0,0.052147646492304175,0.07734591469306358,0.10703714683067964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404358689214207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066989434182481,0.0,0.0,0.12667618413730922,0.0,0.09532717074688986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562420523271792,0.0,0.0,0.11113100371192534,0.0,0.0,0.2092595227077068,0.0,0.07318303070759416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956838928979714,0.0,0.06429817393996086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536125474284458,0.0,0.0,0.13156598417248286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969928563162154,0.0,0.0,0.09653462244992073,0.0,0.09079444956265027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060787313292128414,0.09756007494309694,0.0,0.10187358232382797,0.10748895374568176,0.0810333413018249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561299149631763,0.08638194672677164,0.0,0.0,0.0974005767606892,0.0,0.1066574397582075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577721906131406,0.07933013491059958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379144057083653,0.0,0.08943027380032963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851203841225124,0.0,0.189116963895354,0.12160005931853347,0.09322641192126177,0.07533001531358459,0.11065923953599303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442233205311318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195226820609469,0.0,0.07829206188828564,0.05596706089007024,0.0753172202109129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562114100807794,0.0,0.10911585430756328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696212131006724,0.0,0.0,0.18331316938396006
suicidewatch,ywBBxNqW,2018/02/22,"rambling I worked at a call center doing contracted tech support for AppleCare. I was a ""senior advisor"" which meant that when the tier 1 support guys got problems they couldn't handle or impertinent customers then I'd get a call. Since it was a call center there were additional metrics we had to deal with. We did shit based on customer satisfaction. Regardless of whether we fixed an issue we got coached on whatever the customer said about us in our survey. We were constantly badgered about little stuff like that. Our breaks were *exactly* ten minutes, and you could get written up if you consistently went over.

I went to school to be a programmer though, and I have the debt to prove it. I loved learning about data structures and computer vision and cryptography and graph theory. I loved physics and anthropology and music too. I never finished though, because I'm a fucking moron (or maybe it's because my anxiety got the better of me then, too). I don't think I'll ever find out though because I always take shit jobs and the pressure is just too much for me.

Last January or so I just stopped going to work. My friend had died the year before, who I was staying with, and the anxiety was just getting to me. I couldn't eat, I just smoked and drank coffee and shit. Even smoking cigarettes started to make me nauseous, something I used to look forward to between calls. I see his dead eyes staring at me sometimes when I close mine and I have to hit myself or the wall to get past it. I was at my grandfather's bed when he died back in 1996. I still see his face but that was less traumatic because the whole family was there, more or less. His funeral was the last time the entire family was really together. I don't even speak to my father anymore. My relationships have always been weird.

I am seeing a ""job specialist"" at the county medical health clinic now but all I do at our appointments is sit in a chair looking over his shoulder while he looks through Craigslist. No offense but I've been dealing with computers since I was 8 and I could do that faster and better than he can. I have done, many times.

I'm 40 years old and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I'm so tired of emotional roller coasters. Any time I get prescribed new medication I check online to see what the LD50 is then I calculate if I have enough to OD if I wanted to and how that would affect me. I don't have a job and have been living off food stamps but I do have some money in my bank account. That's my safety net, because if worse comes to worse then alcohol is cheap and the river is cold, especially in the winter.

My counselor who I see on a weekly basis means well but she's a total yoga mom and sometimes I have to speak to her through clenched teeth. The last time we met the very first thing she wanted to do was have me watch some video about a monk and a fly on YouTube ""because I liked videos"".

What a simplistic fucking waste of time. But she means well, and in general I suppose she's a nice enough person. I'm the asshole. so I am polite. I am always polite. I'm such a needy fucking doormat, a societal parasite.

I started this account with a randomized name five years ago and my first post was to this sub. And I'm back in the same place again. Time flies.",3.1940654669905086,5.166810465224113,4.144640925149037,85.9257447836167,74.95054095826893,7.218028262309562,26.39128394789137,8.07648339933343,1.6546705895341134,2589,96,511,42,56,835,314,647,0.105,0.8320000000000001,0.064,-0.9772,4,0,4,0,0,0,65.0,10,2,1,6,34,24,9,1,39,0,57,22,7,4,6,90,110,54,5,13,20,2,0,2,1,1,6,3,1,3,20,37,4,1,8,5,7,6,8,12,2,4,32,15,80,12,60,71,12,79,1,0,11,6,47,28,7,12,45,348,100,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055677347039203226,0.06712487479484047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678905694083053,0.0,0.0,0.04271300891114238,0.0,0.09609908005129963,0.0,0.0622907227530616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659415046674863,0.0,0.2297306542745491,0.0,0.05344675272702906,0.0,0.0,0.11110082482718817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565444610462302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054105323173651146,0.0,0.06787538384183185,0.0,0.10029747750838984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295088710036776,0.0,0.0,0.13037389523428733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427652002978555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427039338935969,0.0,0.07065288708893269,0.0,0.12979920767633374,0.0,0.08297093221346691,0.05681531418514429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842350877471865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740727610883047,0.10685244557830392,0.07595019923027749,0.0,0.04852691275265447,0.2322676310057837,0.16407837458970392,0.0,0.07139283295176392,0.0,0.15070487869278232,0.0,0.0,0.0621918551502066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676417894257711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555740596454285,0.18698794083387027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03451877787727628,0.15359579742867033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061371665807413565,0.0629522019353516,0.05546245223325212,0.0,0.1582339466827871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133771006949734,0.0,0.04192621677779878,0.06367956367466664,0.06310116858613543,0.13683718317174864,0.0,0.12654909724942687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356240771051556,0.0,0.0,0.046172636535752334,0.0,0.048443006565102434,0.06066236759818271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590861418836808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599593293976019,0.0,0.05484334000792615,0.06562316617258765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601546952621846,0.0,0.0,0.06010076480450971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023774621539339,0.0,0.0,0.06743452094846887,0.0,0.0,0.059746770369209376,0.0,0.0,0.06356715521493515,0.2502575124347132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342093654123046,0.10391429608478857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048354268955989,0.12424155226396395,0.0,0.08891459718890865,0.06694718917010067,0.05016021180018604,0.05251204014274107,0.0,0.0,0.07190251553395594,0.0,0.14255227111021931,0.0,0.0,0.04722536408072737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041728226862497685,0.040246163727633726,0.18513175695553646,0.0,0.21975037992414329,0.07219094834237717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555279380931577,0.05424774334087416,0.0,0.051824894806605216,0.07409402622200556,0.0,0.0503824583109198,0.0,0.11294761196454775,0.1164511486586268,0.0,0.07012521232913121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145297402570356,0.0,0.1280176770538026,0.0446184794140105,0.0,0.0,0.12134289851179135
suicidewatch,aligdp,2018/02/22,"I'm reliving my suicide attempts in my dreams So,

I was quite suicidal a few years ago, but I've gotten a bit better overall since then despite it always lurking. Over the last couple of months my depression has been getting much more severe again and I've been having some pretty intense therapy to combat it. All this therapy seems to be bringing it up again.

For the second time in a week I've had a dream that has played out the exact details of my past suicide attempts. This includes all the feelings of wanting to die, the physical pain of the actual attempt, literally EVERYTHING. When I wake up all those feelings come into my reality and it feels like I can't cope. It's ruining my sleep, it's ruining the next day, and I'm actually afraid to go to sleep.

Suggestions? Help? My next therapy session is in over a week. ",4.557153209109728,6.0611490993788815,5.913307453416149,76.56366718426503,70.42857142857143,9.093374741200828,32.67132505175984,9.516144504307137,3.2717449275362327,659,31,118,15,12,222,101,161,0.18,0.664,0.156,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,12,0,10,4,3,0,4,17,22,7,4,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,5,0,1,5,3,10,3,19,16,8,27,0,3,0,0,2,9,0,2,16,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.25206693579476297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144852249579546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074645938271069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422421864316765,0.14100025009481945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125278815093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429039438271568,0.0,0.08329218785625135,0.0,0.11123820443162488,0.0,0.1340391157110329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607325617801575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19590900098963066,0.09226602887627253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747645361914002,0.0,0.07339991015657894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865676889337988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052759057696977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309701646756749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308768670476666,0.0,0.09494138930462097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747086814123649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742655725637168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232899496734137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139375048935328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736877311355006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757489351439797,0.0,0.14590470464175145,0.0,0.10683565396208547,0.0,0.2584900237248157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238131242198555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430888111970495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530941821664414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617704247019999,0.0,0.2071954710629103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316948616697532
suicidewatch,WTC2911,2018/02/22,"Didn’t turn out good I’ve got a couple stacks of sleeping tablets ready to go but I’m scared and don’t want my last communication with a person to be me getting yelled at so here goes nothing. I’m 23 so super young I know but I’ve kinda grown up to be an asshole and general all around malicious piece of shit. I don’t retain long term memories too well so I don’t remember if I made a deliberate choice to be this way, but I’m like a machine of social chaos and ridicule and everyone hates me I know it.

I wish I was just naturally nicer, or that I understood why being nice is so hard, or anything. I just want something to be different for once.

When do people ever get the pleasure of having a person onto which they can project all their hatred and feel legitimized in their opinions. When do they ever get to explore the full depth and strength of their own arguments. It’s fun. I just wanted to have some fun.

I wanted to give people someone to look down on because in my experience the real malice these people look out for doesn’t make itself as well known as I make myself.

I have a lot of bad ideas and writing this was probably one, but living my life the way I have has destroyed me as a person and driven every person I care about to handle me with a ten foot pole. I feel like a living joke.

If I was smart at all I would’ve seen this coming. I feel so completely numb.

So long ding dong",2.349206896551728,4.093378955172415,3.948482758620688,87.41479310344829,76.6896551724138,6.708965517241379,22.979310344827585,7.554174236665415,0.93655448275862,1107,33,231,15,25,369,163,290,0.139,0.664,0.197,0.9463,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,3,19,21,4,1,14,0,22,5,3,3,5,56,53,27,0,7,11,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,4,9,14,0,1,10,1,0,5,5,7,2,2,9,8,32,14,35,39,9,29,0,0,3,0,12,13,1,8,11,155,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998906884335257,0.0973482924339895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130606733829097,0.06666121630899426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114937460822373,0.0,0.0,0.0941988346205578,0.1146556450336092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099818076413126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425171156873094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978340048968708,0.09213550686658246,0.1044924848279025,0.0,0.1069692481748657,0.0,0.0,0.16587808621807246,0.07812255800205714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139893932261802,0.10490237301190572,0.062148428933064735,0.09172099219729184,0.08746042663818135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795975302680733,0.1079644886500102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344741630447957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019625640638755,0.08913814927204844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772400022985577,0.1068497341606502,0.0,0.19312326621920967,0.19354979317399007,0.1836597276154749,0.0,0.0,0.09296890614245756,0.0,0.1034734499314143,0.14598936033860896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049281640738747,0.0,0.0,0.11645849854172563,0.07410113707135929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22743699617807625,0.38193496775648456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790216570321553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446885406053025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387682584272487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948248498720352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225036493435568,0.0,0.0,0.1094330281542451,0.11147268673584436,0.0926553350566192,0.08418609329740381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894580890605345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579994171759044,0.17360031604922455,0.0,0.0,0.19664485481563,0.0,0.09867502476773493,0.0,0.12575176527179832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776819824151419,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FamousGayRubik,2018/02/22,"I want to go somewhere where I can talk about my desire to end my own life without people telling me not to do it I realize this is not the correct place for that, but... fuck. I hate hearing that. I don't have any definite plans to kill myself, not right now anyway- but I'm positive that, when I die (we all die someday) it will be by my own hand. I want to end my own life, and I wish there was somewhere I could say that without people telling me not to do it. I'm going to bed now, I'm gonna come back to a bunch of notifications I'm sure and it's gonna stress me out but that's not something I feel like dealing with right now. I'll let future  me handle it. Whatever. Peace.",-0.36928855325914256,1.6582366418918932,1.917456279809219,96.82150238473768,87.9864864864865,4.833704292527822,20.192368839427658,6.2272716619740125,-0.059781875993640377,525,17,126,5,17,177,85,148,0.16,0.6859999999999999,0.154,-0.2551,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,0,1,9,6,3,1,2,0,11,4,1,0,3,26,27,6,3,5,10,0,2,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,11,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,1,4,20,2,16,20,5,16,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,9,83,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739722262220204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214377510053345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360419597227431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609355785286155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281799626511034,0.0,0.0,0.3278110020235032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27975666301877383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985371232763237,0.1128246005586368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600293394779054,0.0,0.0,0.1795095257770545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592231767595374,0.0,0.0,0.17799760513183674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747251809226084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149323334811128,0.22310002717149854,0.07715619460485693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897634436882246,0.0,0.1650023251996334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697412247074724,0.0,0.12559158135179568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215815584100767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090728247256413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884633407238165,0.0,0.0,0.12693745079202004,0.2760740376615822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863013829274895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161070309500746,0.30447608724710673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imapieceofshit-,2018/02/22,sorry sorry to every friend I made the mistake of getting to like me just so they could drop me around a year later like how it always gets to happen. sorry to my ex that we never tied things up right. sorry that i put all this hurt on someone else i just need someone to read it i hate that i need that. i cant deal with it all any more. its just going to keep happening ,1.2991607142857156,2.851270737500002,3.02714285714286,93.71500000000002,79.125,5.071428571428573,17.67857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.5685178571428571,289,5,65,1,7,96,55,80,0.203,0.7020000000000001,0.094,-0.7553,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,16,12,2,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,11,3,11,10,3,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,45,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250610158313604,0.0,0.0,0.10220864366173127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337981973736372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000172078899494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495192664821772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555573700441047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663360008306518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612082735398492,0.0,0.15705030901403275,0.0,0.08541852715584285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658182599781498,0.0,0.0,0.14838939236179347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608984551855965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359287881622658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685724282469015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221678398973808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288997818422815,0.1159200468928762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510922587095948,0.0,0.0,0.15033992264212864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283547378780425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25469613277566905,0.0,0.0,0.6729908186751367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985214291265536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678778894328817
suicidewatch,AllMightyMad,2018/02/22,I feel like killing myself and I really don’t understand why in a sense. I don’t understand why but I feel so empty. It seems like a big cloud that get around me and erases everything in me slowly and it’s painful to not enjoy anything at all.,1.4941176470588218,3.5496831176470636,3.427215686274512,88.6584705882353,80.56862745098039,7.217254901960787,21.964705882352945,8.238735603445708,1.2451458823529409,193,6,41,4,5,65,36,51,0.241,0.6659999999999999,0.093,-0.8419,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,8,5,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,7,3,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429452213869692,0.22100154095870614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311756301319127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510525985194401,0.17735499278323574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970414019561724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746598086600236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425718552438307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641631634879721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590399188597444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260040303533457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168889994609577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44802701686000623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway38742098745,2018/02/22,The only thing that brings me relief is the thought of doing it. I've been overwhelmingly stressed out but that stress just melts away the minute I start thinking about how/when I would kill myself.   It's such a relief to sit down and work on the letter I would leave.,2.8877358490566034,5.1492283396226455,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,76.9245283018868,4.994716981132076,18.147169811320754,5.6839178017228535,-0.5351328301886791,214,4,45,1,5,63,43,53,0.243,0.653,0.104,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,7,5,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548913966158782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001486798965912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872631500577891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633273114894268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202461030325024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6215369957678937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023691846441325,0.17383543648249705,0.0,0.2153786135575397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975066215623548,0.0,0.0,0.3854415986880375,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShipProtectMorty,2018/02/22,Alright so I'm gona get help how do I do this? I'm 22 and have insurance. I have a childhood psych I hate her. I need an appointment like tomorrow.,-1.4506250000000025,0.5231526875000014,2.024750000000001,91.94525,100.25,6.3100000000000005,22.025,7.554174236665415,1.3788300000000002,114,5,26,3,5,41,24,32,0.116,0.6579999999999999,0.226,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,9,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313964582596083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262416085739734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251590588074839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309887770660324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703266731249449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwbackaway79,2018/02/22,"I think it’s too late I am 38. I’ve been hospitalized over 12 times. Once for 8 months. Medication doesn’t work so I have ECT every month. It keeps me going but I’m going down again and I can’t handle another stay in the hospital. It’s too late to to do the things I wanted to do in my life. I’ve been hanging on for so long so as not to hurt my family. But I’m tired. I won’t go back to the hospital. I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair. I don’t want to be a person who suffers from delusions, I don’t want mania, and I can’t shoulder another deep depression. ",-1.2474418604651163,0.5862191395348866,2.216713178294576,94.48739534883724,90.16279069767441,5.92062015503876,17.127131782945735,7.3011,0.08051689922480687,435,11,110,8,15,158,74,129,0.154,0.815,0.031,-0.9259,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,15,4,1,0,0,12,26,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,2,0,13,0,16,22,0,19,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729716068348406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675169112706045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317748539066486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984193370247784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676562712740857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032199339192782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903865612202193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807665009581592,0.0,0.0,0.09773886363816346,0.0,0.401233413279573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561705793141442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738707184246414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915994887722808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839080818475986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893989321928679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528723958749516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895589182362765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181521979044591,0.11395578147405655,0.0,0.0,0.10370274644041172,0.2044064619272104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146924530930062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947314921434355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingthathasntbeen,2018/02/22,"Fine describes this well Been a while since I've done anything really destructive. 
Scared to call it good, but it is.
I am good right now.
Calling it fine would be an understatement. 

Had a while there, lots of bad drugs and bad moments, where I thought it was over. Tried poorly to end me.

I waded through the shit, all of it my own, and made it for now.

For me, that's an accomplishment. 

This is a stupid thing to say. Did not realize how arrogant it sounded. 



Fuck",0.8337681159420285,3.348098173913044,1.893478260869568,95.14246376811596,89.0,5.67536231884058,20.71014492753623,7.1686216300943375,0.5526275362318849,360,12,79,6,12,113,67,92,0.206,0.62,0.174,-0.7713,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,4,1,6,0,10,3,1,2,1,11,13,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,11,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,7,2,6,5,9,4,3,9,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,1,6,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990658083227547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34478635927871354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216563291570824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128970297173616,0.0,0.0,0.23943875273392964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287045108704508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087747260749066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463531821162267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755327526933127,0.0,0.19536617403353584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226947324097274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632359103353046,0.0,0.16419261573045668,0.20671171425917895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193769363666845,0.17079347749456306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716897951582796,0.0,0.0,0.16391350275473526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017905158384006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564063029779296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666981439051402,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NamesAreHardToMakedd,2018/02/22,"20 year guy who dosent see a reason to live i have never been very good at any thing average grades in school not the nicest thing to look at. bullied as far as i can remember only stoped after school. never really fit in any where most of my so called friends have used me for personal gain in one way or another. mentally and physically hurt by my mom until i was 16, have a job that i really want to quit. i am mentally and physically unstable and i just don't see a reason to live any more, time didn't changed much i still hate my self and i wonder if it whoud just be better if i just ended it all here.",3.2332204861111116,4.030472617187503,4.983229166666668,84.66663194444446,72.828125,9.126388888888886,23.597222222222214,9.444778638647367,1.6738149305555554,477,12,106,11,9,163,88,128,0.157,0.76,0.083,-0.8752,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,3,3,21,17,11,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,3,13,3,16,13,4,17,0,1,3,0,7,8,0,5,8,71,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28538392868249884,0.14668374622880925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237187088013754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284029628111825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798192766567134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389838647295215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807637111990567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733060250818472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851015110128712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381094796221337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975195709076464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881629074238386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24704561781351364,0.0,0.11746987238897864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819464456492104,0.0,0.0,0.1638339969558562,0.0,0.0,0.10283306146545493,0.0,0.21577900009341305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479107073354222,0.10639038863222923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214395748527335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878707371445932,0.0,0.0,0.17923042478178486,0.28765432664809554,0.0,0.0,0.15846473380558918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28314628186068475,0.2229437007649656,0.0,0.14593267882531508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171396156194664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858694516815404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156925118877408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081747857337168,0.0,0.11542144856644225,0.08250899368515321,0.11103581192108064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517015150945964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900826598989173
suicidewatch,LdyMac,2018/02/22,"Numb to the idea of death   It's not that I am actively looking for a way to kill myself. I don't have a plan like I used to. I thought I was doing better because of it. I'm not. I'm not getting any better and it's been years. Years of never ending pain. I don't even know if it's pain. I'm just not ok. 

  I am so numb to the idea of dying that I don't even think about when things are dangerous anymore. I don't seek out death but if it comes to me that would be fine. I drive a really small and old car that doesn't have a lot of safety features. One good hit to my driver's side door and it would be over. Sometimes I try to stay in the blind spot of semi trucks hoping they merge and hit me. I dream about getting in horrible car accidents and they aren't bad dreams.

   I can't tell anyone. Everyone in my life thinks I'm doing great. My life is objectively better now, so why aren't I? ",0.1555303232701064,1.82061460913706,2.4100293881912904,96.25115415442158,83.11167512690355,5.568688218006948,17.475020037403148,6.5966054737557815,-0.3373390862944161,686,14,169,7,19,233,105,197,0.154,0.669,0.177,0.8344,0,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,2,4,9,16,2,0,7,1,22,7,0,1,1,27,38,11,4,5,8,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,1,0,11,7,0,0,6,2,0,4,13,7,0,1,3,2,22,9,21,29,1,20,0,0,2,0,3,7,0,4,8,105,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097543435504158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225294008228054,0.1002958806030224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976556958466378,0.08743908015305624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38058040456250336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355999345304645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886703097488987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270443748439587,0.0,0.0,0.1894802071172494,0.0,0.0,0.1370621069064743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988190958603026,0.0,0.0,0.12030982380042098,0.0,0.1581419986495703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246728734254702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238503323702089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869399599122838,0.0,0.07883032053675099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026304086832145,0.07007704769666243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045262997767432,0.0,0.0,0.1219467043363187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062899587197897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051509648093228,0.0,0.09719797541319343,0.0,0.3052584082986877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189069332387917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186483402993208,0.0,0.0,0.15288688377312742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537200417996658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952944948021002,0.18381983268952654,0.0,0.11387453993891347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738566219323784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388523751217866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138551978954512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943138270650853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378989352252275,0.0,0.0,0.18474002022031666
suicidewatch,imsorryidkwhattodo,2018/02/22,"How to end it This is hard for me. I don’t want to do this but at the same time, it’s the only thing I want to do. I don’t want to bore you with my reasons or my story, I just want to know how to end this. 

You always hear stories about people who commit suicide. You always hear the aftermath as well - people talking crap saying that they think this is the reason, saying that you never had any problems that were that bad, and that it only caused trouble for the people around them. 

As much as I care, I don’t want to. I don’t care if my family thinks it’s because of my boyfriend or job, and I don’t care if my work thinks it’s because of stress, and I don’t care if my boyfriend thinks it’s any of the above. All I want is to do it without people speaking badly of me. I’ve been trying to think of the ways to commit suicide but I can’t think of anything that won’t involve the public. I don’t want to jump off a freeway and close the road - I live in Hawaii and it’ll suck for everyone. We always hate the people who do things that way. I don’t want to stab myself since I’m scared of missing my heart or artery or something and I’ll survive (I’ve always read that it’s a hard way to die lol). I don’t want to overdose on my pills since I know that’s how failed suicide attempts go. I cannot buy a gun - I have no idea how and I actually want to give all my money to my grandma instead of wasting it on that. 

I have no idea how to end it and that’s the only thing stopping me. I’m ready. What are my options at this point? I just want to do it silently. Once I know how to do it, I’m good to go. 

I’ve made my peace. I wish I could’ve seen my grandma one more time or that work got better or that my boyfriend spent time with me or that my life got better but I’ve accepted it. If anyone could help me, please end my misery because I cannot do this anymore. Thanks ",0.8082176486413779,2.2209933777239708,2.6270238095238088,96.6613966236212,80.1138014527845,5.073150390099542,20.188929244013988,5.258114834769046,-0.3711301587301588,1447,36,351,5,36,481,159,413,0.182,0.635,0.184,-0.9157,1,0,1,1,0,5,36.0,1,4,2,7,12,22,3,2,14,1,31,4,2,10,5,74,73,31,4,18,17,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,40,13,0,1,14,1,3,3,17,12,1,1,8,8,54,10,45,62,5,26,0,2,1,0,19,10,2,12,10,224,94,5,0.0,0.0,0.0667287640824728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275896917966745,0.0,0.0,0.0930011385054512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781432966258337,0.047812705361860414,0.0,0.056270701154636615,0.060872467532725676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418845632777383,0.1250509677366806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095264957004465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788708160688099,0.07024483087643829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919131940470524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096737620032287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24225662014329624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653397736217452,0.0,0.0,0.06446233491048946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559607914646412,0.07772356613246563,0.05735368315150448,0.10937905222202254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225096349724186,0.06751083830763133,0.0,0.0,0.1541378773521689,0.08103032324677821,0.04583349953309005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438481052122846,0.0,0.0,0.06785634255095913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273915339523252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482986338495339,0.0,0.0,0.06038056476806865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470256502670739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026697808338166,0.0,0.05273867233931047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282219332401955,0.046335882712817265,0.1560176248021733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370295156945265,0.0,0.0,0.07506042242509095,0.06464095826937942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543017799911607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683982463108179,0.0,0.0,0.1406115263627269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087566304531452,0.06846005046575168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312885803693447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526420659553752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571685259715441,0.07832876317975472,0.0,0.0,0.2243890170835333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496104626544159,0.0,0.06295487912442364,0.0,0.0,0.13628538605531282,0.26288986488402066,0.0,0.0,0.11961833198444748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642535610554911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436535769686702,0.16282996863365115,0.0,0.0,0.06148159993848301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863332840564316,0.06591563094065565,0.0,0.09956253283155103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nontitledname,2018/02/22,"I'm just bored of everything I have no money to get into any hobbies, I barely have money to eat, when I get home from school I go to my room lay down and sleep till it the next day and I rinse and repeat. I'm sick of seeing people with talents and hobbies all around me laughing and having a great high school life. My life has been a complete waste of time and oxygen
 If their was a restart button I'd push it because I regret everything I've done up till now. Since their is no restart button I might just kill myself. I tried once and failed but I didn't have one of those life changing experiences I just went to the hospital, got fixed up, and then got released into the same world I was trying to escape. I'm a failure and nothing to look forward to. If I graduate I'll just got a 9-5 job and hate myself even more so what's the point. The best outcome at this point is a early death so I might as well kill myself",2.5573846153846165,3.7540827897435913,3.8215384615384624,90.81846153846158,74.94871794871794,6.2256410256410275,22.743589743589745,6.42735559955562,0.3921897435897437,724,19,159,5,15,237,116,195,0.182,0.732,0.086,-0.9615,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,2,12,11,3,0,11,0,14,6,1,0,1,26,27,20,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,5,14,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,6,1,1,9,2,21,5,23,16,4,26,0,2,2,0,2,13,0,4,11,105,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998418786404756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177955376082167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080662881868834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886484073795408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399802046424937,0.0,0.13873816385335194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533739797369988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541238608686787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353994789942254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739810355065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378467875921719,0.12943729963059475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382666279888883,0.0,0.0752022189052833,0.0,0.317492409502956,0.14588659136444188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064158256035027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980653056307624,0.13273077317309534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313101747784469,0.0,0.2927916219961802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803909766097258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111800633849547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807476165219604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072702780347152,0.0,0.0,0.12696750182553462,0.0,0.0,0.14091969259831105,0.0896654996246574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173611769636693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25017603982484404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678359114780898,0.1054443111706886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945896553561003,0.0,0.13241857726744855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715861425819442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796772827770135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897428199166388,0.122664760748668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhizmoAlke,2018/02/22,"Bye Reddit Tonight is the night. BF pushed me to the edge. Threatening to off himself too. Just done with bullshit. Have a gun, booze, smokes and a plan. It's been real. Love you guys.",-0.4110714285714252,1.475530194444449,0.18238095238095292,102.91500000000002,108.16666666666669,3.1682539682539685,16.253968253968253,5.288315135182226,-0.8523365079365077,141,4,31,1,7,42,33,36,0.224,0.6779999999999999,0.098,-0.6597,0,0,1,1,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568138740955052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419981398368676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028860972730526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189085371266427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080916836173461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JeffersonIsACoolName,2018/02/22,"Wishing my pain would end I made a post on r/depression today. I said I would sleep. I did not. I'm now lying on my bed and, well, I know how things work for me.

All my life, I've felt so stressed. There's no deep-rooted cause to it. The way everything scares the shit out of me while I try so hard takes a toll on me.

Of course, there's an urge in me to type up details about whatever consumer product, ideal, trend, or fad was stupid and frustrating to me. It's been a long day. The days are long, but nothing in my past had occurred a long time ago.

I'm scared of the summer approaching. My face is very red. It was a year ago that I asked her. The way she was inviting me to be with her had felt off, but I was familiar with it. It was just that this time, someone was offering to spend time with me. I was really frustrated while I had continued to hear the usual. I know she didn't mean anything wrong with all the sugarcoated psychology and self-esteem concepts. She wasn't able to understand how it all affects me.

One day, a day after spending time with her, I had cried the entire day. Was it five goes at crying? Life is torture and there I was, having asked someone with so much weight to my question. By the end of the summer, I went off my rocker with her and then, being ignored when I had seen her around had been the most painful thing. I had cried so much that night.

Yes, I would love someone to save me. It's been decades of torture and I just keep at it. I keep trying, but it's hell on me. The suicidal thoughts are around big time.",1.4226212590299276,3.2593913498452025,2.710547987616099,94.80590454076368,79.77399380804954,6.040412796697629,21.602579979360165,7.03164865440522,0.3751247471620225,1198,35,276,14,30,386,161,323,0.182,0.73,0.08800000000000001,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,2,17,18,7,3,19,1,32,9,3,5,3,49,53,20,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,16,16,1,3,8,0,2,2,4,14,1,2,29,8,44,4,39,19,6,51,1,0,2,1,15,15,2,3,31,187,60,2,0.09095266883207044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124810629923556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484629677916739,0.16193431669223848,0.17005693530039034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093433444956232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29972170771116924,0.2932847353506363,0.0,0.0783374003908111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111413680571424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174239408432339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465765072385736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147572634873383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251026801236808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616858221612869,0.0,0.0,0.0999704163446506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848511957213055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24147074940842164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208833465022,0.08606161439243562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907412004665916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372135347955155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535291839613945,0.0,0.087271538751415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616318822741815,0.0,0.1935601045545546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682461390920601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871075151012949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018878045880366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058266608630013726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865168160108887,0.0,0.18211897664453466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488346963186224,0.0,0.09336160753114896,0.0,0.0,0.09101835376175968,0.0,0.2311917034465411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418597485014583,0.0,0.0,0.09948745748678096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838508776241974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084982346707256,0.0,0.0,0.07220625954096825,0.2651761630898396,0.0,0.08621249523637697,0.0,0.0,0.12350178369398705,0.0,0.0,0.0946849358723302,0.0,0.0,0.1001715150222602,0.07504547712050763,0.0,0.14438799004127406,0.0,0.11075584784581777,0.08177737225644235,0.08431403522312589,0.0,0.0,0.1045910805058016,0.0,0.0,0.06621462615080496,0.0,0.0,0.1938304991362492,0.09944246537871547,0.0,0.058570536727470625
suicidewatch,Diabetic_Dizzle,2018/02/22,"I dont know what to do. I hate the idea of venting on this subreddit but i think maybe people could give me some advice on how to handle the situation, but anyway. This girl ive been dating sort of on and off just fully dumped me for another guy, this isnt too crazy though, the last time she dumped me she went on to another guy the next day. leading up to her breaking up with me, she kept saying that i was cheating on her and that ""if she killed herself i wouldnt care."" this is bullshit, because firstly, she was cheating on me, as I found out from a friend of mine and hers. secondly, i have lost sleep calling her and making sure she doesnt fucking kill or hurt herself, and the lack of sleep has fucked my grades and my social life. I have also been having really bad panic attacks at random parts of the night and its hard to keep up during the day because of this, and its basically doubled because of my ADHD. My parents like to insult how i look and say shit like "" she only went out with you because she had low standards"" or if they get mad they call me dumbass or fatass. that drops my confidence quite a bit, and makes it hard to feel comfortable with my body. i know it sounds dumb but could anyone like give me tips on how to help with confidence and feelings of hopelessness?",5.605666666666664,5.423656438461542,5.920000000000003,83.49166666666669,67.30769230769229,8.77948717948718,29.256410256410252,8.238735603445708,1.8340564102564096,1014,31,209,12,15,325,145,260,0.28,0.6,0.12,-0.9961,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,2,4,8,27,14,1,9,0,18,7,4,6,1,50,39,25,2,6,9,1,4,3,1,1,1,3,0,3,13,17,0,2,7,0,0,3,4,20,0,2,10,8,42,7,37,26,5,28,0,4,1,2,31,15,4,8,11,151,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653978696835058,0.10288952560239213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420148481644994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081440135495228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362218652577496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978415402846013,0.0,0.0,0.08791391082379196,0.25673861099641226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149509252930092,0.11695499564809075,0.0,0.0,0.21502855853898514,0.0,0.10735158720798084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813321110712995,0.0,0.0,0.1358084692377013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340072238138787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647697869019368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956080071020375,0.0,0.11544657212280203,0.08134786506008425,0.19468038283406347,0.055010404405629834,0.2020101869463664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851005570382472,0.0,0.0,0.1886408043402348,0.10395344695053817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057459782323593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271660837305213,0.11886116076174742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358782336093686,0.2329786408602453,0.0,0.11573078630047777,0.08582653414549529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437042106901884,0.1543201608783872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841824747355832,0.0,0.11493798774301535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405656379710103,0.0,0.10577935121161784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197858547462976,0.09880883485541574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007884506542688,0.0,0.12353675733563975,0.11691362580278518,0.11402031246195367,0.0,0.07299579090747993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199035154298773,0.0,0.0,0.06745235919160522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746387539750546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808009654182704,0.0,0.11835193147052983,0.2107348560459837,0.10733131024770023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923588696861486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746646984919763,0.10344825396110736,0.0,0.06139625498153292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521234279746347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SAVMikado,2018/02/22,"About to Break I don't know what it is, but there's something serious wrong with my head. Whatever it is, it's manifesting in self-harming tendencies that are getting continually worse. Every time something goes wrong in my life, I take it out on myself like I'm some kind of warm stress ball. I've got a major exam tomorrow that I can't afford to do poorly on. If something goes wrong, I don't know what I might do to myself. I've studied hard for it, and as soon as I'm done posting this I'm gonna go study some more, but I feel like something terrible is about to happen.

I feel so scared. I can't even talk to my friends/family about it cause everyone expects me to be the tough guy who never shows a hint of emotion (that's how my dad is, after all). I really didn't know who to turn to. I found this subreddit by accidnet, so I decided to vent a little here and hope I felt better after telling someone how I feel right now.",2.7023076923076945,3.9350012820512887,4.4871794871794854,86.04615384615387,74.64102564102564,7.866666666666667,25.30769230769231,8.447377352677275,1.5353692307692317,730,24,158,13,15,248,115,195,0.173,0.747,0.079,-0.962,1,0,4,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,12,14,0,2,4,0,15,2,1,3,2,26,34,11,0,3,3,1,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,4,0,0,9,2,1,1,6,8,0,0,5,6,20,6,26,26,5,18,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,5,10,99,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733924302385185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629259566747204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577141693113334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924022933871606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087629829877996,0.0,0.1117834449213641,0.12677555396065054,0.0,0.0,0.12507310271969696,0.0,0.2012516623072328,0.0947822284429893,0.12738770673332367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454700338870875,0.0,0.0,0.06931661326866545,0.0,0.07540160920423927,0.0,0.1061114017429271,0.0,0.0,0.13136797529496755,0.11732305171719602,0.0,0.11884971418064899,0.0,0.13616165152532256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317750739556844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815940346520272,0.21874224277965304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371146734092008,0.12963548776808803,0.13297405727218614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074599376297978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232625597497046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706487854387016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499426875082391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330274715853275,0.0,0.0,0.13282967388612674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840776574298516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124141267054638,0.4085552614100129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197745251846467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975422741240147,0.1066382189643741,0.1159627970108307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736319172130554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443110558639521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352059927775543,0.0,0.4351740984950329,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kievadorn,2018/02/22,"It’s time to make a choice 47 M. Been having ideation for years. Ugly abusive marriage. No intimacy for almost three years not even hand holding. Bills bills bills with no end to debt in sight. Can’t ever make the right choices to survive. Can’t drink can’t do drugs or escape via the conventional ways. Poor health. Two kids that watch screens 10 hrs/day average. No friends local. 

I have no will any more. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to offer another human being even if I could afford a divorce and move on.

It’s time to make a choice. Live in misery or end it on my terms. ",1.1142528735632171,3.689905137931035,2.2777241379310347,92.50635632183908,88.13793103448276,4.47264367816092,21.526436781609195,6.079149491110277,0.2807719540229887,460,16,92,4,15,146,82,116,0.224,0.738,0.038,-0.9699,2,0,2,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,0,10,4,1,3,1,13,14,4,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,1,5,2,8,0,0,2,1,5,3,1,14,10,2,17,1,0,4,0,6,7,0,4,9,51,7,0,0.0,0.2149133887403772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816324180604204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334906685760047,0.19019960203116645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482239221975912,0.0,0.0,0.11697931223222448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768975411609694,0.21035079938475876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213092712085482,0.0,0.0,0.23960819726204216,0.16407450953732178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013879045544464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280540945296026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601676375185369,0.0,0.15231900979801574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632307707824724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927851857088887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480905533110386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490311363887505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153589968835945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771882925794193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397619219278665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23361396887091326
suicidewatch,Lil-Night,2018/02/22,"I'm not looking for help, I'm pretty far beyond help. I just want to vent. I'm so fucking tired of life, and I just want to kill myself. But I'm too much of a coward, and it makes me sick, because right now, I don't deserve to be alive.

I get compulsive thoughts sometimes, and recently they've been almost every night for the last three weeks. These compulsive thoughts are like nightmares, only I'm already awake. It's always about me being in some horrible situation that would activate my mental health issues, and when the anxiety, fear, and desperation gets too much, I'm launched out of the thoughts back into real life. Whatever I was feeling in the day-mare, I end up experiencing in real life, and I often end up crying and having a panic attack, and sometimes it gets bad enough that I scratch myself or pull hair out of my head, because it's the only way I can get the energy out of me. I threw away my razor blades a few weeks back, and now that I have no way to regulate my emotions... this is the result.

My partner was understanding at first, and it had been a long time since he'd treated my issues with love and care, for once I didn't feel alone. It's clearly too much now. Tonight was the worst. He snapped at me and told me I should just fucking control my mind. I had enough of how he acts like it's so easy, I had enough of hearing 'just get over it'. I snapped back, and I even shoved him. I feel sick just thinking about it.

I can't take feeling so out of control anymore. I got dressed and I was going to leave. I'm not sure whether I was going to find a place I could end it, or turn myself in at the hospital. In the end, I couldn't figure out how to lock the door, and I wasn't going to leave their home so vulnerable. I thought about using their knives to just bleed out, but I want to die quickly. I feel so trapped. I want to kill myself, but more than anything, I just want someone who actually cares. I'm sick of being told to just get over it, I spent 20 years of my life being abused and believe it or not, that's not an experience you just get over. I was never able to get help or treatment because of a shitty home life, so I don't know any other way of coping, apart from cutting myself.

I don't want to be exhausted anymore. I just really want to end it.",4.77103745092117,4.612156873150108,5.61724176985805,84.87775634249472,69.06342494714588,8.363908184838417,29.155013591060104,7.83500028581142,1.6417055874358195,1783,58,387,19,28,586,210,473,0.16899999999999998,0.755,0.076,-0.9939,0,2,0,0,1,4,61.0,0,1,2,3,35,18,6,2,18,0,32,17,2,8,3,88,86,33,3,11,22,0,7,2,1,2,12,1,3,1,21,24,0,2,14,0,1,6,13,11,0,2,22,10,58,7,58,54,10,59,0,0,1,3,16,26,2,7,26,259,79,0,0.06701538762370153,0.07940227589680665,0.06539735123484852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710623035245111,0.06940773079471585,0.07395314668593435,0.0,0.055762170993690935,0.0,0.0,0.045572761639678806,0.0,0.05126658810294945,0.0,0.13292251390175686,0.0,0.0,0.05514795393322077,0.0,0.0,0.0762396780774384,0.06296316268412892,0.1545920894088565,0.05595504943117968,0.12255587484320682,0.0,0.0,0.07550339303387787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665330804763925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032691130810788,0.05350633392580451,0.0,0.07361325650446204,0.04321938097259502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955139198819937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753832910520879,0.2967787110686159,0.2077344292727744,0.0,0.04426303148828137,0.0,0.05646335442293635,0.0,0.0,0.06555390834066306,0.0,0.07541094246345838,0.1694249678482074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612508502019505,0.057003254477893874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239092919730851,0.28010219260209995,0.0,0.11425916747029025,0.0,0.0535983274548412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877712164171527,0.07123422326318976,0.07553121238192911,0.0,0.13475700510127053,0.0,0.13444379577458052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989330706965938,0.0,0.0,0.14828519449980024,0.0,0.036829904434191166,0.05462648533795345,0.0,0.1419192384708147,0.0,0.0,0.23667475079543404,0.06548066662991925,0.0,0.0,0.05930650919571151,0.056276047347245485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048400378581165,0.0,0.04473329162183401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753574853730414,0.0,0.0676664375603862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477920623782452,0.0,0.05168639830299801,0.0,0.0,0.06288940153798499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136920067359452,0.0,0.10193644423369473,0.0,0.07862811810452021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001681656859852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817874168004873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255636530253874,0.042931773338816426,0.0,0.06616961048180213,0.0,0.0,0.057230774864784076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543582116023328,0.07532810352371314,0.0,0.0,0.05678192046040961,0.0,0.13255986387773058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316120974080333,0.0,0.05038723132512925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294075442651563,0.0,0.2128109283271234,0.03907721144685174,0.07702432971167449,0.0,0.12807214951158175,0.0,0.0,0.07289349778159494,0.0,0.06976538194085541,0.0,0.05787977807667896,0.0,0.0,0.2766918835049688,0.1595810861584841,0.1075114032917328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760580860247414,0.0,0.0,0.043155712443873534
suicidewatch,fakeDIY,2018/02/22,Please help I know how many people I will hurt. I know I am being selfish. But maybe they will all be better off. They won’t have to carry the burden of my mental illness anymore. I have the pills. I’m just trying to muster up the courage. I can’t keep going like this. ,-0.08857142857142719,2.125124052631584,1.6629072681704289,97.64368421052635,89.17543859649125,3.2571428571428567,15.160401002506266,3.1291,-1.2422862155388472,209,4,46,0,7,68,43,57,0.187,0.603,0.21,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,1,7,14,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,3,5,9,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29739853030835056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652178411112374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042765484175254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010019927624569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210257457953176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26654546499811144,0.0,0.0,0.3296103610625646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465053093544573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040293612035842,0.3012678930159592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022066280376469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789774066334665,0.0,0.0,0.32917614056815875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359756917939487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sky_witness____,2018/02/22,"Does anyone else wish they were in a medically-induced coma? Often when I'm suicidal I really just want to stop feeling anything for awhile, and death is so permanent, not to mention risky to achieve; if doctors offered to let people chill out for a couple weeks, unconscious, just a rest from having to fucking think and endure whatever they're enduring.

I know there are risks like bed sores and you require care & a feeding tube or whatever but it's better than being fucking dead. When you wake up things won't have changed much but at least you got a vacation.

DAE envy people in comas...",6.587500000000002,7.339357749999998,6.769642857142857,75.02535714285716,65.25,9.614285714285714,33.85714285714286,9.606745405546679,3.3062714285714287,476,20,81,9,7,153,89,112,0.14800000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.114,-0.7908,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,3,7,6,2,1,5,0,8,8,1,0,0,19,18,10,3,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,3,14,13,3,9,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,3,5,53,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216255919131635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430233748702343,0.20958163080578388,0.16832399515025825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809043852473972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854836055142656,0.0,0.2163826304965888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263263466764517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093615799482147,0.17899965277063482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087200282252313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342464382612424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37819910937050105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359418558837813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241317606945377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916222492987252,0.0,0.09993088252736283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503649039643802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836129938426831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103745636738404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710096816092134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374021203648292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589132645533258,0.13106486867290962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064657742231533,0.0,0.16407452711834636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23521789701583504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AuTremblingPoplar,2018/02/22,I really want to end it even though I just got out of a mental institution and I was doing better I have been struggling for so long. I hurt my self and my friend found me and called 911. I was forced into a mental institution and my friend called me and said he would always be there for me and I started to get better. I was happy with my self again and my parents started to listen to me and I felt in control of my life. But it didn’t last. My parents got harsh on me again saying how they are glad I got help from the institution but if it ever happened again I’d be in trouble. My friend started talking to his ex again who doesn’t like me in the picture so he said we should spend less time together and soon I know he will be gone just like every one else. Every one who says they will be there for me either isn’t or won’t be. I stopped my self before but I think now it’s time I just do it. I’m so sorry for those who might miss me. Someone please help me and give me advise on things I should do or take care of before I do it. I’m going to electrocute my self in the tub so that is taken care of. Just suicide note tips and if I should give away my things or not. ,0.9697877038043464,2.556837503906252,2.763369565217392,95.0751086956522,80.2109375,5.389673913043478,18.55230978260869,6.046907544983943,-0.36969442934782615,915,19,217,6,23,304,124,256,0.09,0.757,0.153,0.9446,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,2,3,20,15,0,1,5,0,27,1,0,2,1,43,54,25,1,7,14,3,1,2,3,8,1,5,0,4,13,15,0,2,4,0,1,2,5,4,0,2,14,6,42,11,25,27,2,27,0,2,0,0,33,9,0,6,18,156,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258199846286238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324643770749144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689048867695212,0.0,0.0,0.17555296888922645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268590201200248,0.0,0.20237919496376894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113146828517275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290867950635764,0.0,0.08790396293591822,0.0,0.0,0.06555213925835945,0.0897751848295499,0.16724085755881166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529331168635216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881992961256567,0.2300354732201469,0.0,0.05185280277539799,0.1904147859941784,0.05640472877491937,0.0,0.2381322453884635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776437241848975,0.10565097289274268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304722048205006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624666600126816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545439149368102,0.08090008419365254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010155292769446,0.09697478083468117,0.0,0.0,0.08783105040497997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000365833147684,0.10528607662541813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345055574268732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204055485870261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894412027884708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358058835756641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881449235273026,0.1578514355022992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141477917761328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840922149302699,0.0,0.0,0.11109962281989977,0.2107440003939929,0.0,0.0,0.08297548252974342,0.0,0.10375519664912908,0.0,0.10856082462897272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462188407819538,0.07977150462974221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187146222521962,0.06359388906227993,0.09751031587682013,0.0,0.1157442100309178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058538837584967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705026856518489,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chirpey,2018/02/22,"Unsure of what to do. Last year I went through a lot of trouble with my self esteem and simply myself. Bullying at school (in high school) and things happening within family (My Mother was hospitalized for her depression and has struggled with it her whole life. I never knew she had depression until she was hospitalized, so this obviously came to me as a huge shock. There were accusations of verbal abuse between my parents and so on. To worsen it I was going through bullying at school and issues with friendships all at the same time.) were are all factors to my struggles. All these problems within my life seemed to crash down all on me at once, around this time last year. I had thoughts and feelings of suicide. I struggled a lot but only ever kept it to myself.  Since then I’ve felt a lot better and have gained more confidence within myself but recently I keep feeling emotions that I felt last year. It scares me that my depression (or whatever feelings I was having last year) are coming back. Bullying has stopped and no more issues within my family. Not sure what I should do. ",5.144826732673266,7.150651638613862,5.398106435643567,78.84735767326733,69.74257425742574,8.218316831683168,28.46658415841584,8.841846274778883,2.411197029702971,869,32,149,16,16,275,111,202,0.233,0.6920000000000001,0.075,-0.9828,1,0,0,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,4,5,0,17,2,0,0,8,43,32,16,1,2,4,2,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,12,14,0,3,8,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,15,5,26,2,32,16,11,36,0,3,0,0,7,15,0,5,17,123,38,3,0.0,0.12321391005699366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257522432855672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799636852756409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197276799285696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893952546849144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958018706285974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268705332975647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697737802331284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940670191804516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606943358663295,0.0,0.15774494507176434,0.0,0.19969789636608606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910123954199953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919600769335644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987360975014733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708195590335247,0.0,0.09243316403264686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390705253792844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690572091494827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652316890166687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802052983966379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107484410656479,0.0,0.07909085557990499,0.0,0.0,0.11547117951234458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950661853602608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267988344574598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411446728365427,0.3157373796806469,0.0,0.09467071459482826,0.10848668355992087,0.0,0.0,0.08602353276686457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694224714158946,0.0,0.3261460978931661,0.0,0.11375073403644942,0.0,0.09801154347525746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908788542204622,0.0,0.0,0.08255829661646404,0.12127753171075425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964019348617886,0.0,0.11610372639499422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678706125963206
suicidewatch,ATBerry,2018/02/22,"Too much of a coward to kill myself. I'm a self diagnosed depressed coward.
I've had thoughts of ending it all since I was 9, but til' this day, I'm still too much of a coward to end it all. 
It honestly pains me that I can't even gain the courage to end it.
I have a good life, I've got a Girlfriend, I've got a loving mom and brother, I have friends and a social life, but recently it's all gone down hill.
Why? Just why? Why do I have to be burdened with the feeling of emptiness? I don't feel as if this body were my own, everything feels bland. Every action I make doesn't even feel mine.

What do I do??????

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suicidewatch,seekndestroy0501,2018/02/22,I just want to end for no big reason My life is happy 51% of the time i have family and some friends some enemies. I am happy somedays and love my life and i am sad somedays and want to die. I don't want to experience any mental struggle. and death seems very comforting i just don't exist anymore and my little life would affect few people probably for sometime and it doesn't even matter because i won't exist to know it,2.974630541871921,4.527000321839083,4.7192118226601,83.3648275862069,74.51724137931033,7.270279146141214,25.072249589490966,7.957251820313856,1.4743215106732357,336,11,66,5,7,114,54,87,0.192,0.596,0.211,0.2309,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,2,0,20,15,7,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,7,13,3,4,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,3,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263357388537019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842423346739742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324883872224832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928087344059964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645445936998395,0.0,0.0,0.12270493570676905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817270041795055,0.17513541963089233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353199489292928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955292987485037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209899556654488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936625093668693,0.0,0.1861988454270518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767233391573924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722101499921887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879540821383775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003006258817047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910112215813427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691257533010188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373966973682476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942160069543577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832892725513453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328670452668272,0.32873088735832673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197170386718474,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andrepenn110,2018/02/22,Hey i wanna hang myself what should i do? I CANT HANDLE REAL LIFE SO IM GONNA TAKE A SHORTCUT AND HANG MYSELF,0.01463768115942088,2.32551539130435,2.2782608695652202,92.38376811594203,90.7391304347826,3.066666666666667,12.014492753623188,3.1291,-1.4461768115942029,86,1,17,0,3,29,19,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5752000063487642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761261403699154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6061106716840129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003797358727921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stephen6798,2018/02/22,"Why Why the fuck don't I get to be normal? I work and do good for hundreds of people. I go to school and get good grades. I've set myself up to excel in the career I want. I'm able to get out of bed every morning and be disciplined enough to do all of my shit every morning, but I don't get to escape my depression or suicidal ideations. Why the fuck do I have to be like this ",1.8867857142857147,2.4553026785714316,4.058095238095241,90.90357142857144,75.78571428571428,7.028571428571429,22.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.5127047619047627,291,7,70,3,6,101,48,84,0.234,0.6579999999999999,0.108,-0.944,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,3,0,9,3,1,0,1,10,18,5,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,4,14,15,2,5,0,1,0,2,0,3,3,1,1,43,10,5,0.1833960421321157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795874235553822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949713637472435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30903815060549106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390933714933779,0.38326745048613775,0.0,0.1042281971071308,0.3076477979482694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959804249384415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796891826227717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714372389919126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560658568510108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825340177667524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060550371040065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081717372771283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964592077839665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335145029085001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaligudeta,2018/02/22,i don’t necessarily want to die. i mean i don’t mind if i do. but all i want is to not exist anymore. i wish i could just disappear forever without anyone noticing. i wish i never existed in the first place. ,0.2043181818181808,2.351914431818184,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,86.5,7.156363636363636,24.70909090909091,8.238735603445708,1.892041818181819,161,7,34,4,5,60,30,44,0.263,0.672,0.065,-0.8391,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,14,10,2,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,4,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426112101098889,0.17105379296949358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532035681897614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25389148729997435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808557020378451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26647816183586315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24701062022471354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867683540472546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785174501993736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555904804554752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885829633876111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626340938377605,0.2358184629596483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrandmaLily,2018/02/22,Desperate for something to keep me here I turned 18 in January and I genuinely feel like I'm not going to make it to 20 maybe not even 19. Everytime I find something even little that helps me it always gets taken away. I have a heart condition that could pretty much kill me whenever. I feel like even if I did find something to keep me happy that would happen. There's no way to win.,2.498351648351644,4.4602696410256435,3.883919413919415,87.06346153846155,76.94871794871796,7.534065934065935,22.68131868131868,8.418075326091056,1.373854945054945,304,9,62,6,7,100,53,78,0.105,0.688,0.207,0.8326,0,0,3,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,13,15,2,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,2,10,4,8,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283817314559327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128394883132002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705971007736972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34014729572064106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359692035969626,0.24527354617444286,0.0,0.0,0.3137955137166693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968733814606547,0.0,0.09756058905023143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180188003277895,0.18273948608594728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034226286892985,0.1150627392742336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051656446018628,0.18992074653340602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773268743126074,0.17205239374578646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458703167734947,0.0,0.17245952912894547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619276843864027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464396983477054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964659280821872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867211027076656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136258867551662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194515763501272,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JeSuisMonte,2018/02/22,"22 years old and dead already It's late at night, first time posting here and I'm a little bit emotional (the only time I feel I'm allowed to be) so please bear with me on this one because there's a lot to unpack.

I'm 22 years old but I feel like my life is essentially over. I think I have depression (I know for a fact that my teen years from 13 to about 16/17 were filled with depression) and I think it's seriously destroying my sense of self. People throughout my life have always told me that they knew I'd go far in life, to become the person you see on TV or something, but sitting here writing this I feel like an empty nothing.

Ever since I went to university my sense of self has been deteriorating. I dedicated most of my time to studying, which meant that my free time that I usually spent playing guitar or the like had to be sacrificed, and now I can't even remember how to play it. Now that I'm out of university I have a terrible job in retail, I'm living with my parents who live in the middle of nowhere, I can't drive, I have no friends down here and my belligerent step-dad is doing his normal thing which is putting me down whenever he sees me (been like this since I was about 3 or 4).

I can't help but feel I've let everyone down and myself down, I was supposed to do something with my life and now I don't have any passion for anything, but I so desperately want to be passionate. I have a degree in Film Studies and Media Studies but they're useless in the real world, I feel like I've been sold a lie and I've only just clued up to the fact that I'm going to have to be an average joe for the next 22 years of my life whilst I pay off this debt at which point my life really will be over.

Just to unpack it all: No skills, no passion, no experience, no money, no grounding, can't drive, non-stop jabs from a person I should be looking up to (who also won't let me get counselling), and a mother who sheltered me too much as a child.

Most people my age are getting their careers started and living life and falling in love, and here I am playing video games 24/7 just to distract me from the fact that my life is swirling down the drain.

I feel like I'm made of smoke, and one strong gust of wind is going to blow what little remains of the old me into nothingness. It's so shit, I want to take responsibility but it's like the world is conspiring against me.",5.865921215880897,4.816236504032262,6.623790322580643,81.55135856079404,67.0241935483871,9.646898263027298,31.173697270471465,8.730908602173464,2.1624841191066997,1870,60,409,25,26,621,228,496,0.109,0.747,0.145,0.9423,5,0,3,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,2,3,21,25,2,1,22,0,41,13,1,3,5,61,77,29,1,4,12,2,6,7,1,3,8,0,0,5,25,20,0,0,12,8,7,9,13,8,0,3,14,9,54,18,63,52,6,64,0,3,3,4,21,30,1,6,30,262,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550145726518532,0.06196098208130413,0.06446983115510665,0.0,0.0,0.05268927295736806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375969972594156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723128253083906,0.08557092359334112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458843971499655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346736822440114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715492886018075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051175019114401685,0.07008538320227717,0.0,0.07403576391974984,0.0,0.07579061802952494,0.0,0.0,0.2350582599490784,0.22140781781860008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590471866486676,0.0,0.0,0.05986110126594245,0.0,0.08096053624452537,0.0,0.13210155027081175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193342374725517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688725991986843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258115632907596,0.0,0.08740117318406787,0.0,0.0,0.15845774862501008,0.4378131181208119,0.2649707868639698,0.1553112663141756,0.2052496201343816,0.0,0.06506395296130411,0.0,0.0,0.06587099539623928,0.06992901176852126,0.07331375001466718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695694851783116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240119688159966,0.0727100295119128,0.07591426072852077,0.074344454500251,0.0,0.243907679538836,0.0,0.10500533697587454,0.11785454603339952,0.0,0.0,0.08603272364160773,0.0,0.0,0.10743019323919037,0.13530564974164355,0.0,0.08505012194488684,0.07324394408959925,0.0,0.07420472682995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788911950776459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818956415635458,0.04963587552313844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777009608226811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234835636115983,0.0,0.16165773840575387,0.0,0.07953243270913746,0.12818503894151792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929626784084843,0.0,0.0,0.05484096766545896,0.0,0.0,0.06477701494608082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058255556374803286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147448028676742,0.09929251814329763,0.0,0.0,0.18071758535197432,0.0,0.0,0.07403576391974984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533362362277458,0.0,0.09139979766452902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182503076097772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995791372577406
suicidewatch,Hakalus120,2018/02/22,"21 and suicidal for 3 years Hi all, I'm Álvaro, I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was 18, or even before. I've visited a good (IMO) psychologist for like 4 months but all the ""solutions"" he offered, I already knew them and tried to try them by myself, which didnt work.

One year has passed since I last visited him. I've been having suicidal thoughts all this year ( and before that) but lately they are much worse (sorry for my english). I have no willpower to withstand these thoughts by any means. Of course I tried to, but again, without results. I 100% believe its not the fault of my psychologist because I know he is very intelligent and capable,  but  I think i'm ""very difficult to comprehend"" I know this sounds kind of edgy/infantile but its how I feel.

 I think I have a *mild* bipolar disorder in all regards that you can think off, there's always a dichotomy in my thoughts. I don't know how/who else ask for help to not commit suicide and deeply hurt all my family. 

I have  very few reasons to keep going. I'm looking for a job 2 years now, and I only got one for 3 days (because a friend helped me) and then the boss decided I was not prepared for it. I live with my parents and I have no way of emancipating, not without a job at least. I am a very ""romantic/sentimental"" man and I know any girl that gets to know me for who I am, will not love me for true.

 When I was 6-14 years old, I thought of myself as a very very good person (despite what I looked like for outsiders) now I just don't know due to my dichotomy in almost all fields you can think of, I always have 2 very different opinions about the subject. I am writing all of this while drunk, so, while I'm sure I'm being 100% honest, don't expect a good grammar or a good text construction. 

I just don't know what to do anymore, I want to commit suicide, but at the same time I don't want my relatives to pass through all this shit, cause all ""this shit"" is happening only within my brain, and its driving me crazy, of course, but my relatives are at no fault for this.",4.892163461538463,4.894583235576928,5.706330769230771,83.78866923076923,68.80769230769229,9.156,30.58230769230769,8.954980946260402,2.2444435769230777,1590,58,341,26,25,522,196,416,0.14800000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.145,-0.4972,5,0,0,0,0,4,65.0,0,2,3,1,11,18,2,0,15,0,31,6,3,5,13,75,66,26,5,3,18,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,3,18,11,1,1,21,1,0,6,16,6,0,2,13,4,51,12,46,51,13,34,0,1,2,1,23,8,2,4,21,216,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718922929792352,0.0,0.07922753610741827,0.0,0.11947833496775201,0.0,0.0,0.09764608485575496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712013196298734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711860654221731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875310962363073,0.0,0.12218446522709403,0.08088834709398376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014693197599729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375321234413497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630181702867018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750104642115275,0.08228325711656112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059975485978637874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741990141886141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768190933814,0.0,0.03630169467892316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546861671921936,0.0,0.03750990926794923,0.0,0.04080273669670061,0.24087286249613504,0.057420997131597686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348805600028222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624531175781227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768580016588908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424908617079727,0.06381466925726391,0.0,0.07476341448488544,0.27619647032049016,0.058522483943975565,0.0809878547776638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015079293098507,0.0,0.06339627498899547,0.0,0.12057938770669473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479776464701859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820577114578703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730606111524709,0.0,0.052777564729323816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533674514889706,0.0,0.09730026122157336,0.10920662173423028,0.0,0.0,0.07971981924933151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268859966442188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738171879159698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473930126040021,0.11877908431047507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036859241203932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392660228948951,0.0,0.06766591077698496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401327458070774,0.0,0.28498593811859363,0.04186422511581259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623221826930782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.414668592011129,0.08469306841423578,0.05698750642473574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841558061731948,0.0,0.05226759416904169,0.0,0.07316520935482085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311680380828647
suicidewatch,PM_ME_KINKY_YIFF,2018/02/22,"I survived and I've realized my mistake. On February 9th at around 10 AM I took around 105 10mg tablets of adderall mixed with 8 cups of coffee. I have a heart condition that causes an extra electrical pathway to fire when my heart is under stress, which drastically increases the heart rate for short periods of time. I was hoping that this combination of factors would eventually trigger a heart attack. I was transferred to the hospital in an ambulance and after 52 hours of insomnia due to the stimulant, it was finally balanced in my system and I was medically cleared in the hospital. The Monday after I was transferred to a behavioral hospital in which honestly, I had some of  the worst and most bizarre experiences I've ever witnessed or been a part of. I realized that out of all my peers, I was the one who was able to handle my emotions without outwardly broadcasting them. I met people that were so fucked mentally I questioned if I belonged there. And after 8 days and 9 nights of captivity, they finally released me. I think after seeing how life could be so much shittier and with no possible way to end it, not even suicide, I learned how to endure the mundanity of everyday life and the longing for someone to share my feelings with in confidence until I finally find an opening and some control in the flow of my life.",9.260421686746989,8.134588024096388,9.515351405622486,63.800256024096406,60.325301204819276,13.440562248995983,43.64156626506024,12.45797560212912,5.7125927710843385,1074,57,178,32,12,359,147,249,0.122,0.8009999999999999,0.077,-0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,2,10,8,2,1,17,0,16,10,4,6,3,43,23,17,1,5,4,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,10,16,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,12,3,26,3,42,8,9,40,0,0,1,1,6,15,1,7,20,141,36,3,0.11823325106753158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105053207099691,0.0,0.1345073917956348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145811769428096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260864464963576,0.09439963025022348,0.0,0.0,0.07625066574574088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299649369044453,0.10471956695767587,0.0,0.0,0.07809194724575656,0.10694874457195114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565480672618494,0.0,0.0,0.0597822842514483,0.0,0.0,0.3885562420464773,0.10806304949977967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093047354267072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604278871437345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743229603412657,0.1164359360267506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25053492540491035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463270661133167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910756168166026,0.1191513083186389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691504362686248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109538967867972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011791082394751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803508915993025,0.0,0.08196804933557253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332902257062286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324483001462982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942165933902036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017864994811776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543578962940045,0.0,0.0,0.12932798663470707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575909323463847,0.0,0.0,0.06894275950409623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136149230151895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384805139256512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397263486569699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398950928067897,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jennifer_2002,2018/02/22,"It's really hard. Gender dysphoria is fucking wrecking my mental health. I cannot wait to start HRT in a couple months and finally feel more comfortable in my body. Being trans is hell, and it's really hard finding the energy to go on another day, while trying to combat depression. I know at the end of the road things will be better soon, and that's why i will never give up but holy fuck it sucks. I'll get there, however.",3.259781512605045,5.005301599999999,4.971596638655463,81.04647058823531,74.17647058823529,9.092436974789916,22.731092436974787,9.606745405546679,2.07681512605042,336,9,65,9,7,114,66,85,0.196,0.7390000000000001,0.065,-0.8944,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,4,0,7,4,1,0,1,9,17,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,3,5,2,9,13,1,15,1,1,0,2,1,6,4,0,8,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129075855705756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957443996365946,0.0,0.2255342549313641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466247514046708,0.0,0.13094550494899726,0.0,0.1748800604692684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983523736091625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266430229492972,0.0,0.0,0.22242294681736488,0.18557701030784154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754187228081009,0.106081236653009,0.1947767034192441,0.11539363469779353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637720904589903,0.0,0.0,0.21582450106730253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158675401705796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046189115927729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206644989175373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659876130740175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601482303400825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437144055377464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489230131576516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785241336014764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832141207319531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sharndontwannaknowya,2018/02/22,"Numb This is my first time posting here. 
I'm not that great at expressing my feelings but I'll give it a go.

I guess I've always wanted to end it since I was 17. I'm 19 now almost 20. I try so hard to be better, I even went to the doctors and got on medication but it doesn't seem to be working. I feel like I'm failing in every aspect of my life. I wish I had someone I could talk to, I'm sure my boyfriend is tired of hearing the same crap come from me, and I hate sounding like a victim and having people feel bad for me. I want to be strong and be happy like everyone around me seems to be. I feel like I have 10 tones on my shoulders everyday and no matter what I do it never goes away.

I've been thinking about suicide lately, the best way to end it, the quickest. 
Every body says that things get better and trust me I've been waiting for it. Everything seems so far out of reach and like my head is just above water and I'm struggling to breathe.

I don't want to fail the ones I love but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just want my thoughts to be silent. I want to feel at peace, like I'm not a waste of space anymore.  ",1.1443545611015509,2.484079534136552,2.872036718301782,95.59036144578316,78.9598393574297,5.546069994262767,21.49569707401033,5.916634753146586,-0.037907401032702286,880,24,212,5,21,292,132,249,0.142,0.583,0.275,0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,8,9,24,3,1,8,0,20,12,5,0,2,44,55,13,1,8,7,0,7,7,0,0,5,3,0,0,12,11,1,1,11,0,0,3,7,8,0,2,7,10,29,16,29,41,2,23,0,2,0,1,6,10,1,5,15,124,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068990452315292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366864960033306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944430142255046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895140217660367,0.0,0.0,0.09447341634067992,0.0,0.0839580550900069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055247985513449,0.17786297393730752,0.0,0.1116923803714638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661802196764366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028386673006449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292086946062187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781212857587482,0.0,0.0,0.06641470383677381,0.0,0.16944148810155135,0.09608327303341893,0.09037109110329523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30505752589962576,0.2155065337840365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553083999418062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253510531306628,0.09646017476335307,0.05714692760544968,0.0,0.08042189891585115,0.1108606979510796,0.11077112587962627,0.0,0.0,0.10704117598791738,0.09007627401973377,0.09927586139766433,0.10319700235149086,0.0,0.11333121415568592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342883954825685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102398074059849,0.3438778654020092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907535490279398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129717227966267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755313452925063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813772107190817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971120471062306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963025523191825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996425789992725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27462066017052955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831789762361847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519873817634394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512045426647744,0.0,0.10998931686412833,0.0,0.09477057711283032,0.0,0.0,0.08082117402328008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680334316544358,0.06443068610245797,0.0,0.07982832570910056,0.05863361224358867,0.11557157008961798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682692932514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558547078835839,0.07981476655051943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321419373373643,0.0,0.0,0.11563167644969426,0.0,0.0,0.0732042177046124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notgivingafucc,2018/02/22,"Am I suicidal For so long iv been really depressed, iv had insanely amounts of suicidal thoughts over the years that are dead serious, the thing is is I don’t know what is considered suicidal, iv never actually attempted but iv gotten really close, I’m just wondering so please someone help me out, iv read other peoples posts and there reasons for wanting to end there life and no offence but I have a lot more worse reasons yet I still don’t understand suicide.

Is everyone different? Do we all have different breaking points? Am I just less sensitive? I don’t get any of this even after 9 years of this.",2.8979464882943167,5.703308573913045,4.380000000000003,79.41615384615388,80.65217391304347,9.103678929765888,30.585284280936452,9.466822959209583,3.67042474916388,486,25,86,16,13,161,79,115,0.24,0.6990000000000001,0.061,-0.9698,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,3,0,15,6,0,2,2,19,23,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,9,19,5,14,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,8,60,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.1386688478336568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663269581787932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239029760077465,0.0,0.0,0.2969279672407985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585819195537334,0.0,0.0,0.09385553791105412,0.0,0.0,0.13578239085383048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424124905367085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524646020092324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780943007213342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036924855339427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575379803491418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208081171758814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959607944379476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985140674966076,0.0,0.0,0.15598284246251876,0.13433018473112654,0.0,0.13609227065648188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213819392850208,0.0,0.1820654638739259,0.2922043982225158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040064833438635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348103569878285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6217362061342951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440475293631928,0.0,0.0,0.11281132064339587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479308404658789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381410816465873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410110615818862,0.0,0.0,0.14481177469593484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301514691450205
suicidewatch,Airycanary871,2018/02/23,"Im Out of Ideas at this point Thinking I may change things up this time. I might just create an elaborate scavenger hunt for someone to find me after this all takes place. That or just leave without a trace. I now that's a dick thing to do because it would be wasting people's time, but I I don't really want to out my family through the same shit again.",2.5582882882882885,4.048312216216221,3.4118918918918912,92.56801801801802,75.48648648648648,6.5549549549549555,23.144144144144143,7.1686216300943375,0.634025225225225,280,8,62,3,6,89,58,74,0.166,0.812,0.022,-0.8445,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,6,2,2,0,1,16,9,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,12,5,2,11,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,3,5,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198256234945678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463927357029089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195711313060587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128797008437589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629322033532299,0.2515877080382525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466229034375023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470855556097604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614736387884253,0.0,0.24334615627394102,0.0,0.22017955687803992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921104009048136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390834629264191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734776253866892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512277291617434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094761867603261,0.14924225420843,0.0,0.0,0.27162872205647204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737905023178698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245213375607544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545583057714386,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trigonometrywarning,2018/02/23,"What are my options for teeth removal and help for unemployed male waiting for disability appeal? [NH] I am a 29yo male diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, Ehler-Danlos Syndrome (connective tissue disorder) as well as lower back and SI joint issues which has led to me applying for disability and subsequently being denied. I have filed an appeal with a lawyer and expect my hearing to be within the next 12 months. 



I understand this of my own doing and should have resolved this years ago but haven’t been able to afford the care I needed. I was never brought to a dentist until I was 16 and had 17 cavities that were addressed with me feeling every bit of it due to not reacting to the novocaine (or equivalent) and have had one hell of a phobia of dental work since. Again I understand this falls on my shoulders significantly. 



I am at a point where I cannot eat most foods due to sever tooth loss/decay and severe pain. 



This has led me to increasing suicidal thoughts due to the pain and the inability to eat most foods. I just can’t handle it any more and I need to do something. 



Please let me know if this is an inappropriate sub or question and where I can post this instead. 



Thank you in advance for any suggestions and please let me know if I need to provide any more information. ",8.55987804878049,7.398704215447157,8.522073170731709,70.47628048780489,61.72357723577235,11.614634146341464,36.76016260162602,10.686352973137794,3.840933333333333,1031,40,186,21,12,336,148,246,0.136,0.7879999999999999,0.076,-0.9661,4,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,7,7,1,0,13,0,26,11,3,3,1,44,40,20,1,7,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,11,15,4,1,9,0,0,7,5,3,1,1,8,2,23,4,31,27,7,26,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,8,11,136,34,3,0.12342325037819712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109407264527477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517961278623116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490486107825262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347462230714032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583822948901036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252720010948598,0.0,0.0,0.14145373782236184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525855955702631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039894116447705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062406503844951736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29848776854438513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910697330483798,0.0,0.0827280030780461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882180702768953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566038122201565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524172713855195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985152609253831,0.0,0.0,0.2745503287953186,0.09519161949369907,0.0,0.13126202698345982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363478867509236,0.0,0.2626620807771516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709633312175637,0.11667486552747945,0.0,0.11820535652472032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826228716138486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788662837917473,0.0,0.10209698813352196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950172480555813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350050035096005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363154651159176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798427428943797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697591279682125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097232462648728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985359623914492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948052665334236
suicidewatch,grunfox,2018/02/23,i don't deserve to exist my depression is all my fault. i don't have the right to live how i want to. the things i like are not allowed to be liked. friends are tired of me being depressed. i don't know how to trust correctly. i don't know how to communicate. i'm autistic and awful. i shouldn't exist. goodbye.,-0.4219696969696969,1.8131092272727256,1.93060606060606,94.28257575757576,93.0909090909091,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.3238606060606064,243,9,54,3,9,82,40,66,0.218,0.601,0.182,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,1,11,1,0,4,2,12,15,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,10,4,7,12,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5634580046495604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25271508027882633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35952898000525163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196070916445727,0.0,0.288833500289387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27933987921163456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730935687583672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375950998546688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293085756677714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidethrowaway1776,2018/02/23,"I have decided to do it. I have a plan, and a backup plan, now I just have to put them into motion. I'm tired of this cycle, whenever I thought about killing myself before a few months ago I was too scared. I didn't know what method I was going to use, I didn't want to suffer, I thought all the websites about it would not be there for some reason. But there are tons of them! They all have great suggestions and cite from actual suicide research. I'm going to go with a pretty straightforward method, shotgun in my mouth. I honestly can't take this cycle of hating myself, being isolated, and not getting any sort of help except ""You can handle this yourself"" from my friends and family. 

Today I was 15 minutes late to my therapy appointment, I had been looking forward to seeing her again because I had a horrible week last week and I didn't see her as it was President's day. I got mixed up on the times. She called me 15 minutes after our appointment and mentioned it to me and I told her I would be right there, I was close by, but she told me it was their ""policy to reschedule"" because they can't take appointments 15 minutes after the time mine was supposed to be. Well, I can't make next week because of a class field trip, so I had to reschedule it for Friday in 2 weeks. That's the last fucking straw, I was only a bit late and I apologized, I can't just get a little bit of time even? Nobody gives a fuck, my therapist doesn't give a fuck, it's just her doing her job and I know she has to but it's very convenient she called me right when I wasn't supposed to be able to come in.

I should kill myself before I fuck up again or hurt someone else. I have started to think about killing my ex girlfriend and burning down her house with all her family and pets in it. I hate her so much. I know it's not true but sometimes I say to myself ""Anything with a vagina doesn't have feelings."" I should have requested a male therapist, I bet this shit wouldn't happen. Anyway, nobody has to worry because i'm killing myself for these reasons and because being alone with my thoughts is agonizing. I'm not going to hurt anybody except myself. If I am not able to get my hands on a shotgun, I will go take a class at a shooting range, while everyone is focused on their targets I will put the gun in my mouth and shoot myself. Only thing i'm worried about is some good samaritan trying to stop me if they notice this. I'm quite happy to end my life and stop being a burden to anyone else.

Peace and love to you all, I hope you can overcome what you are going through and make it to the finish line.",4.232889426957222,4.816110384180792,5.126857142857143,85.32752542372883,70.39359698681733,7.876481033091202,27.41248318536455,7.859703344183488,1.5313050417002958,2038,65,421,24,35,666,234,531,0.183,0.736,0.08,-0.9961,1,1,2,5,0,5,53.0,1,4,7,3,20,25,11,1,22,0,55,12,5,5,5,72,104,28,5,9,17,1,2,0,2,7,2,2,1,1,21,23,0,2,11,0,1,12,16,16,1,0,22,7,83,9,63,68,11,57,0,3,3,6,41,18,5,8,29,298,104,4,0.1408847679818456,0.0,0.06874160533908735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244292315771356,0.0,0.0,0.07295706550312897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047903236686102094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925495275346145,0.07217654689450816,0.057968079944429464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470511729148373,0.0,0.11988256089907808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380967780117824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438590999708311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067987641323337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045429510121116914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769114571025673,0.0,0.06239104380866928,0.0,0.0,0.046526530268058516,0.0,0.0,0.06731071664537372,0.0,0.0,0.13281362083002715,0.0,0.035617785902628124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442361113149826,0.2604913956246194,0.11040971469923012,0.1351495070073438,0.2402041810045052,0.05908372957531453,0.05633920951178411,0.07766297703345378,0.0,0.0,0.06229196752362734,0.07498722762914514,0.0,0.1390945409184673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721604512738885,0.0,0.0,0.06996518166828387,0.0,0.08128105335000947,0.15082005797264414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990319667282972,0.0,0.3117362439139064,0.0,0.11613987604175495,0.11483988954470185,0.1589241547920779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975553904157832,0.0,0.0706017746371825,0.0,0.0,0.05915386118462115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357700180610014,0.0,0.0940416766160342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056226438842010014,0.0,0.05178325743791185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491627452576907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019912106264307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071492145609796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166522901294613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162810445577714,0.0,0.07492414629878227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485300581031013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031482207520205,0.0,0.05601861109984782,0.07052511514815861,0.0,0.11226691966913063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230809488242386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968560336133265,0.0,0.06966931897411734,0.0,0.0498594819537358,0.0,0.0,0.11778597443513805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705253482450118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588917182949584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055700520825915,0.16357807431946628,0.04679878984980945,0.04513663532258262,0.0,0.167770153194437,0.12322656176325965,0.08096315790426417,0.06677114341162782,0.13462143329074744,0.0,0.047825754770310466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083960262202263,0.0,0.05812234411576496,0.04154874317708256,0.0,0.22601852567366815,0.0,0.06333616299806401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430753205949436,0.0,0.10008049699283778,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MercurialMaxi,2018/02/23,"Since I have a Mental Health problem, apparently anything I do is condoned. My intrusive thoughts are now getting worse. Since the recent school shooting everyone has been saying about how the guy didn't know what he was doing and was mentally ill. 

I'm mentally ill too, I get intrusive thoughts about hurting people and now my head is just telling me to kill people and kill myself because everyone will just forgive me and condone my actions and it won't fucking matter anyway. 

I don't want to do this. 

I have to die before they get worse and I actually do do something. I never ever want to but but my head keeps telling me to and I'd rather die than hurt anybody but it just keeps telling to me to do it and kill the people who hurt me because I have nothing to lose and people will still recognise me as the victim. 

I don't want to hurt anyone. I promise I don't. I can't get these thoughts to stop so I'm going to kill myself instead because I can't deal with it ",3.246632653061223,4.943320959183676,4.298724489795919,86.06145408163265,74.10204081632655,6.53265306122449,29.086734693877553,7.1686216300943375,1.6274857142857138,772,33,151,8,16,251,95,196,0.28600000000000003,0.68,0.034,-0.9945,1,0,1,1,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,1,15,14,6,0,5,0,25,6,2,1,2,33,42,15,6,5,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,8,10,0,3,5,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,7,1,26,2,16,32,0,9,0,5,0,1,10,0,1,0,7,106,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.09024718590516699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466419944610023,0.0,0.0761031992416365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691249356724942,0.0,0.07869370890364374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534286813695322,0.0,0.0,0.19195937707573152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365349750226697,0.0,0.17673729697001894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549631366502339,0.19326803128026687,0.0,0.05255854217005927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156978666905782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982241835857866,0.09830196587866663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960072140574769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644010307523074,0.40926188178325584,0.0,0.05082461551700924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346151761792004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795944088746004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132631380846435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873709973012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25645608231505457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849091570759954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131288998202672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354384561052117,0.0,0.09359474529473273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153000901828184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119565869427917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385468535589318,0.07731746065162724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424949130863815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202564826641816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364138418641672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849013828856812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Apollodorus429,2018/02/23,"Its all closing in ""It will get better"" was a lie. Just wait until middle school. Just wait until high school. Just wait until your 1st job. Just wait until college. Just wait until you get a wife. Just wait until you have kids. Just wait until you have a career. Never got better. Never found any friends. Never stopped being lonely. Never got that love from my parents. Never felt understood. Never had a connection. Im tired of waiting. If I could guarantee myself it will be pain free, I would already be gone. Im going to do something really spectacular with this anger one day.",1.3452089704383283,3.9654424862385333,2.6854281345565774,86.59503312945976,96.61467889908259,4.257084607543323,17.06472986748216,6.139981653823899,0.14299347604485213,457,12,77,5,18,147,69,109,0.136,0.742,0.123,-0.5605,2,2,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,2,7,8,1,0,4,0,12,3,0,0,7,31,30,8,0,3,8,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,9,3,0,1,2,6,3,0,1,8,1,8,6,12,15,1,21,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,15,57,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302682729612474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430099241698653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24528634967733556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071745947045927,0.0,0.0,0.08943128243110482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314584606631708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204552492446566,0.10713682196980688,0.0,0.14489968234421272,0.0,0.07880988919344448,0.0,0.22181563236586704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651345854665834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29957681611327264,0.0,0.13760950773666858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515593475442952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6417094526290875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396701577109492,0.0,0.14755565403972698,0.0,0.15397766498513493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883615314079626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806847831471436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675566218324024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593511263987127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938184280980688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985078550104313,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bronSST,2018/02/23,"I can't deal with this anymore I know it's probably pathetic, but I've been really lonely all my life. Altough I've been friends with one person for more than 10 years. We never talked about depressing stuff and today he blocked me without saying anything. Since we don't live in the same country anymore, I can't talk to them in real life. So the only way to reach them was to use another platform. When I messaged them there, they instantly went offline. I'm worried about him and I just don't see myself living my lonely life without the one person that was dear to me.

It's all so sudden, we talked like normal this morning. I have no one to reach out to, so I'm posting here.",2.716304347826089,4.591894036231885,3.944275362318841,87.26684782608696,76.02898550724638,6.339130434782609,25.99275362318841,7.1686216300943375,1.2570753623188409,539,20,106,6,12,176,87,138,0.136,0.754,0.11,-0.5931,0,4,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,4,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,1,3,21,15,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,3,5,2,19,3,17,10,4,12,0,3,1,0,18,4,0,0,6,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338270688708786,0.0,0.0,0.2901321536002451,0.0,0.0,0.1203723445459225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508037071731782,0.1259869486729133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301215560070575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038923713315259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099563187700426,0.07146286310293397,0.0,0.2583280462834775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281675023519595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331901793202104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736037001311355,0.11124917528166853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554444007691021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009157796075075,0.0,0.15770982292796853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649364171431855,0.09370788658025647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632421778949932,0.0,0.0,0.11656270440971048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100067706892755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745055089376354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35271232783224304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386521528429895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633514195874054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610675232751848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559893454555033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820088918652718,0.0,0.0,0.1485499589013719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419668214180857
suicidewatch,sunnimp1970,2018/02/23,Nothing left I have been depressed my entire life. It has now cost me my marriage and my child. I have tried damn near every med out there done therapy tried every fix there is. NOTHING fucking works. Suicide hotlines a a joke. Monday is my go day. I will be able to be alone and can finally remove my useless existence. I feel the most amazing peace with this decision. More peace than I have felt ever,1.6723076923076905,4.377655205128208,2.731487179487182,89.37184615384619,86.69230769230771,5.171282051282052,24.46666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.1096728205128206,318,13,59,4,10,101,59,78,0.119,0.685,0.195,0.8336,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,3,0,12,2,0,0,1,9,16,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,3,2,11,2,5,10,2,10,0,2,0,1,2,3,2,1,5,41,13,1,0.2086746073464994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612396024217576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457785851894905,0.0,0.17973113353364245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135465735916639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875812919164192,0.3516347135028831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551215144479437,0.0,0.2003603476009913,0.22859283241386505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291631195401354,0.0,0.0,0.11859458826322902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672557145563224,0.0,0.14739304641013698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179044643916305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004578274684975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22825615117777925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863759967308246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833527212545939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191759945083005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,potionofmadness,2018/02/23,"I imagine walking in front of a car I realised that thought have been taking up way too much time lately.
 Like, I don't think I would do it on purpose but whenever I see it in movies or in shows it just looks like a relief (think every anime ever as a good example).

One missstep and BAM, truck to the face. And NO ONE would get mad, they would just go with the ""clumsy""-explanation. 
 As I said, I wouldn't do it but just the idea is such a neat one.

And I do have the friends, the shrink the job and a pretty neat life. 
 I'm just really compelling to me to just ""accidentally"" forget to look up from my phone while crossing a busy street.


 How do others stop themselves? Do you think about this as Well? ",2.9548251748251784,4.250238048951047,3.838041958041959,90.70013986013987,74.10489510489509,6.598601398601399,22.79020979020979,6.980632752743323,0.4551734265734266,543,14,122,5,11,174,90,143,0.083,0.6970000000000001,0.219,0.9716,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,11,9,1,0,12,0,14,2,1,2,1,28,26,12,0,4,8,0,0,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,1,0,5,3,1,1,3,3,4,12,8,17,19,1,18,0,0,3,0,5,7,0,1,7,85,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299394698675912,0.1518195006934064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921586385780116,0.0,0.09414286367368396,0.0,0.10240724526713099,0.1511364696637631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034147935212021,0.0,0.0,0.1788127194962532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326438320853246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727491258614662,0.1760653828385981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026317333277909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324618261763503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663082132042129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833200068532422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154355857670039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714038206398814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358966521560654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064854977833592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548193123284982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463792027444739,0.0,0.1430522912202316,0.10507138286388708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430279932196808,0.0,0.0,0.16201421518887074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840096022986673,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darkparadise101,2018/02/23,"Anxiety/Panic Attacks I haven't had em very often but had 3 in the past year. 1st one- Sweaty, trembling, uncontrollable body movement, pulling my hair, panting. 2nd- panting. 3rd- Couldn't stand, felt dizzy, breathing loudly, hyperventilation, I probably looked like I was having an asthma attack. 
I'm really scared now. I mean, I dont have any one to talk to about this or get help.. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for many years now.

>>>> How do y'all cope with panic attacks? How do you calm yourself?",4.1431578947368415,7.079876210526319,4.138157894736846,82.3146052631579,76.36842105263158,6.747368421052633,27.394736842105264,7.908726449838941,1.9818210526315791,420,17,72,7,10,129,76,95,0.317,0.611,0.073,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,0,0,6,11,3,5,2,0,10,4,3,2,0,11,15,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,9,0,2,4,4,8,2,7,10,0,9,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,6,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092345447942185,0.0,0.13603153966830722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6068865420806133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975175360592322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315579737672852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840329647858846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073474248001885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929034238820846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918875797627695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687369522512267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932371453547025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028120742564302,0.0,0.1936977201112698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099038330197506,0.0,0.0,0.20863303689141025,0.0,0.0,0.16974896931543884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171964984551396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139158162084516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780284828592504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589569894641247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292469281612005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671982770131053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290200392284385
suicidewatch,Ohnosam,2018/02/23,"Note to self. Sometimes you imagine yourself being rescued, and the fear of actually dying leads to petty, unsuccessful attempts. That cannot happen again. What is the point in being 'saved'? You will not get better, you will never be normal or successful in life. Being saved will only preserve your body longer. Your mind is already rotten. 
Do not think of anything beyond your death, because there will be nothing. This is not a book or a movie, there will be no happy ending.  This is no show, there is no audience. It is just you. Alone as always. You CANNOT be saved.  Unhappy, useless, pathetic, a burden to everyone you come across. You need to stop that and take responsibility for your own life and your own end. You need to kill yourself, because no one is going to do it for you. 
Relax, keep a clear head. It isn't difficult, it will not be painful. Don't think of a future, concentrate on the present and you can do it. You have to do it. 

",2.381,5.019109544444444,3.5222222222222217,85.84000000000002,81.33333333333334,5.822222222222222,22.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,1.0173555555555551,738,25,137,10,20,238,98,180,0.202,0.6679999999999999,0.129,-0.932,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,16,0,4,6,14,1,1,8,0,31,5,2,1,2,27,41,7,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,11,5,0,2,3,3,0,3,13,7,0,1,0,1,16,7,18,27,2,16,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,2,7,107,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.1614012259707209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129887725702542,0.1825170028161922,0.0,0.13762151816899248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610562517485558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016459696109447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627804211152684,0.0,0.18371606363978216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424727629873784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716534343195797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29298096576706656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804158389873538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611485534790054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641182790553015,0.0,0.09399753639294048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462578576227249,0.1760655779245761,0.0,0.0,0.16974252843737453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701027875902664,0.1829845684393795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336461291682551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700135056078266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452759317398344,0.1275624760727236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205154604795666,0.1587005350014741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207563003925934,0.12579001106123666,0.17599146633157667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635131350110604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725425907324054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357944274795486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827725278025685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435612078448438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119563033572559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Probablyjefferey,2018/02/23,"My friend just found out her preteen daughter is suicidal. How do I support her? My friend found out from a school counsellor that her fifth grade daughter is cutting and having suicidal thoughts with a plan to hang herself. My friend is completely blindsided and devastated and terrified for her kid. I gave her some numbers for local distress lines and walk in counselling, but I don’t have a clue what else to say. I want to support her, what can I do? If anyone has been in her shoes (as the parent), what support helped you? ",5.623246753246755,7.051988525252526,5.301471861471863,82.24363636363638,67.78787878787878,8.485425685425685,33.334776334776336,8.841846274778883,2.803726118326118,420,19,77,7,7,129,64,99,0.13,0.711,0.159,0.4868,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,1,4,0,11,1,1,1,0,16,19,8,2,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,1,17,6,12,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,2,0,57,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121425714611773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207711390987172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506897958948836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808140774135551,0.40250323088154855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639929997358495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282666314164024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380998154318602,0.0,0.17575117187977787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379907342538505,0.5911951372615096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786505791697265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242799047540917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PerfectEvidence,2018/02/23,"I'm a failure at life I'm 27, and I think about how I want to kill myself daily.

You can say I have unrealistic expectations. I wanted to go to college despite being poor. My family made around $120k a year on paper when I was young and filling out the FAFSA, but they were living paycheck to paycheck and didn't have a cent for me. In their income bracket, there was no financial aid available for me other than heaps of private loans. I was so stressed out about how much I owed in student debt that I missed the big picture. I just went with an easy major so I could get out faster. And now I'm stuck with a degree that qualifies me for bullshit jobs along with the debt.

I wish I had a way to turn my brain off and stop feeling like there should or could be something more for me. Under different circumstances, I would have become some kind of researcher, maybe even a doctor. I know loads about medicine and studies that have been done in social psychology.

It's easy to say I should just go back to school when you're rich and/or have the connections needed to do so, which I am not and do not have. And it's also easy to say, ""Congratulations, you realized what it's like to be an adult. Now shut up and live in misery until you can retire like everyone else.""

I really just want to die and make it look like an accident somehow. Life is just not worth living. I don't care about having a relationship, any material goods, a house, a nice car, or anything else that keeps people motivated. I'm just ready to accept my losses and mistakes and check out for good.",4.9942332268370615,5.527471514376998,5.593372204472847,82.83523402555913,68.68051118210863,8.432523961661342,27.15159744408945,8.395991825355821,1.6516799999999998,1236,36,252,17,20,400,181,313,0.165,0.674,0.161,-0.5004,6,0,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,3,2,2,25,16,1,1,16,0,30,4,1,5,0,58,55,24,2,12,11,0,1,4,0,3,3,3,0,1,11,21,0,2,6,0,9,5,6,5,0,0,11,5,31,11,43,36,4,32,0,2,1,0,11,16,0,4,14,173,42,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754698652109252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295026363904866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003787603236198,0.10858764336316287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379472965572956,0.0,0.0,0.13471680806162906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361694971609105,0.0,0.0,0.1243662609183464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947814591793406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265954946399561,0.1274426474184831,0.0,0.1248512182463129,0.0,0.12482741015420315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037964914274745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056632952038782,0.0,0.0,0.11655666877071265,0.0,0.0,0.114991445514408,0.0,0.061676515727367716,0.08714220100673763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372927019960911,0.0,0.1386475564764653,0.2046212859129204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074800098422094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104586233326023,0.1084210113851125,0.1349522777967503,0.12702291036528354,0.06703675995700878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231549959960482,0.2383721488356456,0.0,0.32313048076668704,0.0,0.10243208434296892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541998116019794,0.08142228383725683,0.0,0.1225448336135961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966899010833912,0.09044627631530766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456524783702317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814321074292925,0.0,0.0,0.13096036625949886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29100905581024256,0.0,0.12344979710590405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434277016428795,0.0,0.09390580200793157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019803494323336,0.13972714013389034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815955786707998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267870194838438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584006251982749,0.09682167368096392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307624689235213,0.0,0.0,0.14027044027383972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665075874811856,0.0,0.0,0.0785508184264497
suicidewatch,Plebon,2018/02/23,"I'm ugly, friendless, asocial I'm almost 20 and have never talked to a member of the opposite sex. I don't have any friends, I'm ugly as fuck, I have extreme social anxiety to the point where I can barely make a phone call, I don't go to college, I don't go to work (freelancer). I spend my entire day (even fridays,saturdays,sundays) inside my house except of when I go to the gym or to buy groceries, but that always leaves me depressed since I just realize how ugly I am (people stare at me awkwardly and they can always treat me like the weirdo that I am)

What's the point of living, I'm not even fucking human anymore. I genuinely don't even enjoy doing anything.",5.217352941176472,5.113487794117648,6.4841176470588255,78.85352941176474,68.11764705882354,8.564705882352943,30.970588235294123,8.07648339933343,2.22865,524,19,100,6,8,178,84,136,0.223,0.727,0.05,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,2,1,7,0,12,3,0,2,1,12,22,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,2,3,6,4,0,0,0,1,17,4,12,22,0,10,0,1,1,3,7,4,2,2,4,64,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798612596495852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989127615437418,0.0,0.0,0.12214624888288828,0.0,0.13740710908217668,0.0,0.1781325717492507,0.0,0.0,0.1478101274565795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340983454050686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583860786366346,0.0,0.1547045296114876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559075464786893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387722502747327,0.33210748420102976,0.0,0.0,0.3062427688127273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725480069354035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901892929002698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775217383613362,0.0,0.15860578935638672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989626204776704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853230403051311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452435177411117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395937169666893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485816826726953,0.0,0.0,0.18309770560060248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436996673130126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076388214258847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morwriting,2018/02/23,"It's Been Four Years Four years ago around the next month or two, I tried, and failed, to hang myself. It was a cheap belt that broke. 

Do I regret attempting to kill myself? I didn't deal with it for a long time, instead spiraling into a horrible, hardcore depression that left me some very anti-social, extremely miserable skin 'n' bones (I lost so much weight...) But I've bounced back pretty well and I'm doing much better these days. 

Do I regret living? Well, doing better as thought I might be, life ain't a bowl of cherries. It's hard more-or-less constantly when you've got psychological issues, mental instabilities, what have you. I forged new, important friendships; I met the love of my life and we're gonna stick this all out, no matter what; I got a decent job that pays alright and understands me pretty well. My life is on track, and I'm working towards being on track. 

It's such a hard topic to discuss, sometimes... I don't regret anything and I wish it had all never happened. Life can really blind-side ya, I swear. 

Being around is better than not being around, I'd say. Don't make the same... errors in judgement, I suppose, that I made. I dunno if life is worth living. I'm still figuring that part out. But each and every day I find a reason, even if it's small, that ain't too bad and truck along. I've found some happiness that I don't think I would ever want to give up on or trade away. It isn't much, but it's fuckin' mine. For once. That might be worth it. ",2.2804983842903326,4.228900500000002,3.5238404175988056,89.45656848123294,77.55704697986577,6.294009445687298,20.433010191399454,7.2427474758485975,0.4645536664180958,1151,28,240,14,27,374,175,298,0.101,0.775,0.124,0.5065,1,0,0,0,0,2,58.0,0,2,0,7,15,20,2,1,10,1,27,10,2,3,4,51,46,18,1,8,8,0,4,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,22,17,1,0,7,0,5,1,10,11,3,3,11,5,27,9,25,26,10,32,0,8,0,2,8,15,1,9,16,154,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830433594635223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197618796046985,0.2660403764847602,0.0,0.0,0.0935933192558673,0.07659921643951886,0.08317591718927941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26430905245581315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765043623641914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848926734198735,0.10270060860738524,0.08579985563907218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579599659086817,0.09010915313852802,0.08393150107904525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104800542507513,0.0,0.0,0.1092247453525146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556156940008766,0.0,0.0,0.15934540639985867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880908604017869,0.10604399995056353,0.17847427981870848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397412067762976,0.09885436252128706,0.0,0.11021129624129034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082340099799022,0.0,0.3518116715662303,0.0,0.0,0.17592702507772706,0.08815778643381927,0.0,0.0,0.10874357039555378,0.0,0.0899081055473329,0.09425988166697727,0.06649502765818767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039036485105254,0.21135549250068109,0.0,0.0,0.07951322733613167,0.0,0.21968956272167806,0.0,0.07683066369818485,0.09621058424208452,0.10594366085110894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608870487002288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078753519023824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026923192704416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381711141923346,0.10242272335333848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921932548409139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985236218411095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955415316080039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383046160325317,0.0,0.07908465961271745,0.058087392225234215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676333089893736,0.0,0.09731119742741863,0.10370466454735293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219434230881274,0.05875660507422267,0.0,0.0,0.12130649867044707,0.26870256221708044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455447287966147,0.0,0.0,0.0725222605880677,0.0,0.0,0.07076495927178372,0.0,0.0,0.1282999836821091
suicidewatch,knife_in_guts_out,2018/02/23,"Suicide hotline in English in Germany? Hi, I know it is a long shot, but can anyone here help me find a suicide hotline in Germany that speaks English? Or Spanish? Or almost any language other than German?

I almost committed suicide today. It would have been 100% effective and easy. I hesitated at the last second, and couldn't. Now I feel the urge again. Please help.",2.4345424836601346,5.359067617647058,3.494901960784315,83.46316993464055,86.05882352941177,4.786928104575163,28.1437908496732,6.42735559955562,1.652112418300654,290,14,47,3,9,93,51,68,0.201,0.564,0.235,0.2548,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,14,8,5,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,5,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,5,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178089293784678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186988785906993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458731206291264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054853834805747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906764246180244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796694123724984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465301254400324,0.17005450339623535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846236108189425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290039430318995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6845947308178785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774894732275605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481988469619756,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wild_blu-yonder,2018/02/23,"I wish there was a rehab center for suicidal thoughts. There seems to be lots of options for drug addition, alcohol, but not a refuge for those trying to escape self hate. I wish there was a place we go to learn how manage feelings of depression and self loathing  in a wholistic, removed environment... An intermediate place before hospitalization or suicide attempt for folks like me who are too ashamed and too stubborn to seek more traditional avenues of self help... ",10.531951219512193,9.86059304878049,9.385487804878052,64.28603658536586,57.536585365853654,12.102439024390245,43.67073170731707,11.20814326018867,5.052965853658536,378,19,60,8,4,118,61,82,0.29600000000000004,0.604,0.099,-0.978,0,0,2,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,1,6,5,2,1,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,17,11,5,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,1,4,1,12,7,2,6,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,4,1,40,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582919853816304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796254375277593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497661021354508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165032667793115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792101479098695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882232904972954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167452832231972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655083259149895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495097759810093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783002550391744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633437056727589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829753456210896,0.5441970501813441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804019190023899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804453539793488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805587534401785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999162179838287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lowytt,2018/02/23,"I feel hopeless and damned Hi there  
My name is Pavel and I am from Ukraine but now live in Austria. May be you heard about it. Today I was googling reasons not to kill myself in none painful way and that’s when I felt an urgent need to talk or write or whatever about it. Everything started to go to shit last summer. I was in an open relationships with a girl. We’re living in different countries for past 6m but for my birthday we have decided to meet up in Europe cause she was doing summer job nearby. But it was a total disaster not a pleasant thing. She was Hooking up with a guy next door and didn’t care to mention it. So I had to be there and witness all this shit. When we were together she just openly ignored me and seemed to hate my guts. Before it was like bickering between two friends but then it was like she can’t stand what I say, my voice and my face. It was the least expected thing from a person I loved. I stopped talking to her and the next month was a nightmare. I had frequent anxiety attacks and sometimes could not find a strength to brush teeth or whatever. I started to smoke but it didn’t help at all, I just felt nausea after 3-4 cigs. Later I felt better and had to come from summer break to Austria. I finished my German language course and now I am about to start my master in economics. But I realized I can’t do this. My whole life i was helicopter parented by my family and never cared to listen to myself. And when I did no one was there to listen to me. I realized that it’s basically my fault which make it even more painful. Instead of economics I want to pursue career in ux/ui design which was my hobby. I learned adobe l software by myself in YouTube, earned some money with it and now tried to confront parents about switching to some course to deepen skills. But they want me to get my economics diploma which is complete useless for me. And they think that design is not real profession and I am weak for giving up economics. And I am 24 and still half depended on my parents finance which makes me feel even more useless. I know if I make this degree in German it will make me miserable for 2 years and leave with Diploma in the field I don’t wanna work in. I feel that all I do in life is mistakes. Cause how moving abroad could be a choice? This is a move interesting ppl make right? But it doesn’t feel like it now. I am tired of my questionable life choices, mistakes, doubts and wrong ppl in my life. I just want to feel good like ppl around do but I can’t. I know some stuff like languages but It never felt enough. I came from good family but I could not enjoy life. I could not understand why and what’s wrong with me. I feel shallow. And when anxiety or depression kick in it feels like I died but someone forgot to tell it to my body. It’s like life is not for everyone. 
...
Reread and the text felt messy and with no structure. I had to share it I think ",2.1690724503922496,4.199058668358717,3.3157864943854816,90.42887125057686,78.22165820642978,6.396320566066759,23.943424088601752,7.417985360599375,0.9980867005076148,2287,78,479,31,55,737,264,591,0.17600000000000002,0.705,0.119,-0.9905,5,0,1,0,0,2,50.0,2,1,2,6,25,41,7,2,15,0,50,17,6,10,6,127,93,48,2,13,27,3,12,7,1,2,10,5,1,3,36,37,0,3,25,0,2,5,19,22,0,3,28,18,76,19,74,56,13,61,0,5,0,1,35,23,3,13,37,340,112,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058277706057278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061574829872437925,0.0,0.07868941021032666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058857490458781914,0.0,0.0,0.061174116326828475,0.0,0.07683086050357686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911059464288782,0.14104424998537607,0.14211066795705393,0.0,0.05958273197114215,0.07252209217379275,0.0,0.0,0.220902394412619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059574921489688674,0.0,0.07178621621801234,0.07226659581368428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146978289200855,0.0,0.09137058103514506,0.0,0.0,0.06609368089932624,0.06216439000602809,0.0,0.13041223614467706,0.0,0.2448164995381067,0.09882830192297797,0.3320641155290299,0.0,0.06321896155407394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053439585355558566,0.0,0.0361378039793317,0.06635294374375503,0.03931018041212839,0.11603088968631026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684879124427342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828979589341001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636233835421972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863928665442898,0.0,0.07652494601473077,0.0,0.07602664468455671,0.05638174270280238,0.0,0.07323969260090515,0.0,0.0,0.2931354961837923,0.23654641631865236,0.0,0.12215450281185833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624274748409929,0.0,0.2308533052115778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055209816387903635,0.14703081642841598,0.0,0.051287733154727184,0.10669436967527124,0.0,0.14712344748190467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04687051816154965,0.0,0.1472008003181854,0.0,0.2304110506416271,0.0,0.06602937461810665,0.0,0.060395462709034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748480200781621,0.0,0.0,0.07872915201251635,0.0,0.0711169693362112,0.0,0.07426132497867961,0.0,0.059069713219612276,0.0,0.05500574635036617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296860944554578,0.0,0.0,0.1420014044650822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058606436232599576,0.0,0.06840963766599814,0.0,0.14687393869616847,0.0,0.055238233134917686,0.057828151271564786,0.0,0.0,0.07918164165401248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119040218260792,0.06045651438609465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190525482306013,0.08864105214024852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949927425849188,0.06556386361449618,0.0,0.0,0.04696102392152416,0.0,0.0675677937174295,0.07200708209245026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239251831689835,0.05490291436688936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241401580671645,0.07722441130636909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035565559648065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125028500110838,0.0,0.04454239111510376
suicidewatch,porntipsguzardo,2018/02/23,"My mother wishes she aborted me. I do too. That’s the last thing she said to me when she kicked me out at sixteen. I’m almost 24 now and still don’t have a degree. I’ve pushed away all my friends by being depressed all the time. I’m a six-foot-tall, 230 pound freak, and no one cares how I feel because I’m not “pretty.”

I’m so pathetic I’m turning to strangers to make me feel better. But probably not.

I'm just so tired and so fucking lonely. I don't want this anymore.",-0.057405119152690524,1.8757545922330152,2.038517210944395,97.12508384819068,85.60194174757281,4.5221535745807575,20.0432480141218,5.565023196281405,-0.27881747572815474,365,11,86,2,11,122,71,103,0.21600000000000005,0.6859999999999999,0.098,-0.9139,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,2,2,17,20,9,0,2,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,3,12,3,7,18,2,9,0,2,0,1,6,3,1,1,5,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325378957991174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303029206431536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818125212110148,0.0,0.0,0.1415610498169805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538246557997453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236766933118498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001342065842995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348379595297368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941499540848602,0.21468651922516488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929282554946936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501072629584262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736038640264433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625438420906664,0.2503757848533411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089735207556968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854536721857869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427871270318466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541116042165194,0.2669062986017662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252592054456693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697120443428784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26704511099375794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AuntyAnon,2018/02/23,I Think Today Is The Day I’m broken and I won’t ever be fixed. I messed up. I have no backups.,-4.590434782608696,-4.081976999999997,0.056173913043480184,102.85295652173912,123.34782608695652,1.84,8.947826086956521,3.1291,-2.2432713043478256,71,1,19,0,5,27,19,23,0.355,0.645,0.0,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044026376560902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5672128102215336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017955362210429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943807547778044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AllCulture,2018/02/23,I fought with my parents! I fought with my parent and i am devastated.. i shouldn't have scold them.. i am from south Asia and here parents are everything.. i am a college student who goes to college on their money.. they pay for everything but i can't look after them.. my dream is to Come and settle and work in USA and look after my family.. but i am a failure it will never happen.. i have some paracetamol tablets on the table.. i am in my room crying. i feel like i dont belong in this world .. i feel like taking my life.,0.2555128205128199,2.523876203703708,2.509259259259263,91.869358974359,87.88888888888891,5.174928774928778,18.492877492877493,6.67199483983844,0.1270091168091163,402,11,86,5,13,136,65,108,0.126,0.773,0.1,-0.4143,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,4,1,1,4,2,0,3,0,13,1,0,0,1,15,22,7,0,1,2,3,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,2,1,2,1,4,2,0,0,2,4,23,2,13,18,1,12,0,0,2,0,10,8,0,1,5,65,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178653584423985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630665160045814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011852084973085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33759315758856684,0.0,0.1770558618205621,0.0,0.18993045260623811,0.2683510487439761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660847422947568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265973460097966,0.18351446082494186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154356550661583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448549931564673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6256410955038989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412139806296306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673201630072962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeakersQueen,2018/02/23,"I don't want to be here. I have no more energy to live this life. I work long hours to try to get our family out of debt and actually able to pay bills. But, it's never enough. My husband has lost job after job. I'm currently pregnant, have a 10 month old, and a 4 year old. We have no food. We have no money. We have nothing. My husband paid all the bills, I only bring home 250 a week working 16 hour days. We were evicted from our last place in Dec, had our electric and water cut off. It looks like we're headed down the same path. I can't see an end to the black hole. I just want to end it. I have no one to talk to. My husband and I are constantly fighting. I'm constantly stressed. I have grey hair and I'm only 20. I cry daily. I'm tired of asking for help and always getting a no. I'm tired of doing everything. I don't believe we were supposed to live like this. I'm not happy. I don't wanna leave my family, but I don't wanna live like this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. ",-0.7610705423608657,1.2472028202765024,1.912004608294932,96.21987504431057,89.92165898617512,4.813115916341721,17.562743707905,6.297961479604792,-0.2982788372917402,760,20,181,8,26,262,117,217,0.13699999999999998,0.785,0.078,-0.6188,5,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,8,0,0,3,2,9,2,1,8,0,20,7,2,0,2,23,36,8,0,4,4,3,1,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,12,2,0,0,0,6,1,13,4,0,1,5,5,26,5,22,30,4,23,0,1,4,0,15,5,0,0,21,105,33,5,0.1103061916904211,0.0,0.1076429312304044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917835879312097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218788203998006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312139898920754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427730466974984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23840361244965275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116617199219935,0.07113836823676473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539709045086728,0.11397578271988128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913609250705108,0.0,0.2079737210521396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338268484022706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526086487615515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742299218975323,0.0,0.0,0.11320597601144518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393591513536024,0.0,0.11064610408262222,0.0,0.21725875864961955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892374945629234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991426859898018,0.0,0.11679833004340985,0.0,0.0,0.07791252533258665,0.2155601339159271,0.0,0.3896095526630252,0.09761750851260004,0.0926294196956792,0.0,0.12041223853490765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804534982483983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507493519266833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584176590140038,0.0,0.2314955853608521,0.0,0.07474633023610827,0.16778565873586135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152464928403602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789975338648387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635536989565832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865993855648173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535614813036541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489066346920817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012289958778,0.0,0.08848097340714164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060844258205798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103357091807673
suicidewatch,48dj38djy0djk,2018/02/23,"Sadness over realization I don't want to kill my physical body I have been depressed, off and on, for a very long time (age of 12 is first memory of active suicidal thoughts).  I'm now 34, and have had a rough year, with many active thoughts of suicide.

Things in my personal life seem to keep getting worse, and it's too much for me sometimes.  I think about killing myself -- either actively making up a plan, or envisioning jumping off a bridge, or passively, thinking how I want to be dead -- pretty much daily. 

But the fact remains -- there is no easy way to physically kill oneself.  Death itself actually terrifies me.

Last night I learned that hanging results in an involuntary voiding of the bladder and bowels, and all of a sudden I realized I don't want to kill myself.  I just don't want to be alive anymore.  My life is full of disappointment, rejection, mistakes, over and over and over and over again.

Lots of emotions since last night, but mostly overwhelming sadness.  Living doesn't seem a good option, but killing myself seems just as bad.",6.7800859106529225,7.494810015463918,6.772731958762886,75.30006013745707,64.82474226804123,9.765635738831616,35.23883161512028,9.725611199111238,3.4366749140893464,829,37,146,16,12,264,123,194,0.244,0.672,0.084,-0.9846,1,0,0,0,0,8,33.0,0,0,0,2,8,14,5,1,9,0,13,5,3,3,2,40,28,15,9,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,9,0,0,2,5,13,0,1,4,1,17,1,29,22,7,27,0,6,0,0,1,12,0,8,12,101,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.10773845507094773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949117985294368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921827943380278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263404289045896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095090871419071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418972883090895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093909653151086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768157448870489,0.0,0.0,0.09260170333343223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813221812776142,0.6107287781401104,0.0,0.0,0.17998811955340244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596333199142715,0.0,0.0,0.09748882440536194,0.0977041356530059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386159983223287,0.0,0.0,0.07369557999783916,0.11193240744533198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231940256214727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721349822585608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640058325136136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232063927040938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30152318095427755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132739498798326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919245710208084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415282861185031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334756429875602,0.1414849517339009,0.0,0.175297012854863,0.06437750627920079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109492758054412,0.26047674493240963,0.08763361898005623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251118852979622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109660710098295
suicidewatch,mcpick3,2018/02/23,"I was going to hang myself this morning but then Amazon Fresh knocked on my door I didn't even order door delivery.

I don't know what to think of this interruption.",1.535,4.132263030303033,3.0032575757575763,88.22488636363637,85.36363636363637,5.724242424242425,20.37121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.6728848484848484,132,4,26,2,4,43,27,33,0.113,0.7390000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.0484,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5444222304041694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684513517393384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529969602950325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281586125954939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slayer_Tip,2018/02/23,"Goodbye everyone, i hope to see you all in the next life. It's my time to go, i got my emergency fentanyl i got from the hospital a year ago... i fucked up huge, i got kicked out of my favourite subreddit which i loved participating in, i made a mistake that i deeply, deeply regret... no ones home, no one will find me here.

Stay happy guys, be happy for me, and for yourselves.",1.84699248120301,3.7555924210526337,3.3942857142857146,90.06500000000004,78.73684210526315,6.974436090225563,24.01503759398497,7.957251820313856,1.1662353383458637,288,10,64,5,7,95,56,76,0.172,0.637,0.191,0.3851,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,8,11,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,4,1,14,4,10,5,1,11,0,1,1,2,3,5,1,1,4,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784440554835844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923548201830644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398842092660508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610251852092333,0.0,0.0,0.11440583398670807,0.0,0.4830041509730409,0.0,0.0,0.1993228384828827,0.0,0.42858419596464375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192455783378124,0.19994052373238488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421871321899235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168492863656469,0.1904789314567403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408933426026494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27281791451696386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041340979353835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456352671272005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738211640517528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963332525722365
suicidewatch,Number1Useless,2018/02/23,"Clearing Up Space for Everyone Else I honestly just take up space on this planet, space that ANYONE deserves more than me. I don't deserve to eat, I don't deserve to enjoy life at all. I'm a piece of shit, i'm an idiot and all I do is burden those around me. The only way I make this world a better place is if I leave it.

I've thought this for as long as I can remember, going back to my very first memories when I was a child. Back then I didn't understand that I could just kill myself but for years now I can't go a day without fantasizing on how to do it. I'm just too much of a chicken shit piece of shit to actually do it so I'm being selfish holding onto my life which is worthless. 

No one would miss me, maybe my dog would, and anyone else would soon forget me. 

I've been on anti-depressants and they had a good run for a bit, I had some good years there but now it's not working. I'm thankful for those clear headed days but I can't handle the depression again. It's a miserable existence and I make those around me miserable too. I'm a burden on this society when there's so many more people deserving of help. 

I'm a piece of shit, I have no value, I bring nothing to this world but an ugly sack of meat taking up the planets precious resources. 

I'm a piece of shit, i'm a piece of shit, i'm a piece of shit... and I deserve to die.",2.097553889409557,3.077285810996564,4.085474851608876,89.33096766635427,75.76975945017182,7.215307716338643,23.88019368947204,7.686295010490155,0.9523044673539518,1045,31,240,14,22,358,138,291,0.254,0.65,0.096,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,3,20,24,9,2,18,0,22,11,8,3,4,34,43,18,2,5,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,16,7,1,1,3,0,0,4,9,17,0,2,6,0,27,7,36,32,13,37,0,5,0,0,3,17,7,2,15,165,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.09363471902776994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418289081398627,0.09831354178484857,0.0,0.17083416641462834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475613979505307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486121025827757,0.10475407065068956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660938017745003,0.0,0.0,0.12376142206097886,0.0,0.16528558946881491,0.0,0.0995823978163666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818222997498338,0.1603101543276023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916856685199299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161620640473062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906277640111844,0.16095895318730905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847381184192516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431419658149429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061560006697049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159867156644632,0.0,0.0,0.135546613881138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491396394811745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280966006453709,0.09727965297389644,0.09639607164501704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053531462676675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206795001120664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650191475651495,0.07297535859086735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652061493575594,0.0,0.10024878413005373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869422437626176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6894490869170157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428701342269748,0.0,0.0,0.08833915177804058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617468866740121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988878467628327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916994858745999,0.0,0.0761617500936013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249371942567758,0.0,0.06985375733808984,0.0,0.0,0.20448335116394487,0.0,0.0,0.1235791032151791
suicidewatch,Fox13News,2018/02/23,"I think im going to kill myself bc I’m lazy I found this from someone else took out there story and just put what corresponds to me so “yep, it's another one of those, I'm killing myself in so and so. I find alot of these seem sad and depressed and seem to be asking for someone to care. I a m going to kill myself in about 2 hours. I am finally doing something I want to do ... then you get a reply like ""call a suicidehotline or, I'm here for you."" You and I know that is bullshit. Those suicide hotline people don't know or care about yme and you, a random person on the internet, doesn't truly care about me. Nor will you ever meet me. I'm not looking for someone to talk me out of it.I literally have no one to say anything to. I guess a note would be good, but they probably won't find my body until someone complains about the smell. No one is going to check up on me within a week or so. I'm just bored with life. Don't say that it will get better. You and I know that's bullshit. It may not get worse, but I certainly don't care at this point. I'm finally going to do something I want. I hope my death makes you miserable. Same goes for the ""friends"" that made no effort to keep in contact.I hope they find out I killed myself and died with a smile so they can think about it for the rest of their lives.
So If I don't reply to you, assume I was successful. Even if I wasn't, I probably won't be coming back here. Probably be put in a mental hospital.So peace out I guess. Bye world, I hope humanity fucks you as much as you fucked me. put that on my headstone.
 For better or worse, those of you thinking that I think I'm being brave, fuck you. I am being a coward. I realize this is the easy way out. That's all I want. I'm not doing this because I'm ""depressed"" or whining about my current situation. I'm just fucking done with life. I'm running on empty already and there isn't a gas station for miles, and I don't think I'm gonna' make it there, but changing my life at this point would skill or atleast good health and that's something I don't have. So those of you that wanted me to go through with, so I don't know what I'm going to do.
I am just too tired right now to respond to anyone else.” ",0.903895693779905,2.601185869473685,2.9044377990430625,93.46708732057415,80.83157894736844,5.749760765550238,21.11124401913876,6.680037744263671,0.2343368421052632,1708,49,396,17,44,575,192,475,0.171,0.684,0.145,-0.9473,1,0,3,0,0,5,58.0,0,13,4,5,28,31,8,1,16,1,39,10,1,3,3,78,99,35,7,11,18,0,0,1,1,8,5,2,0,2,26,21,0,1,17,0,1,12,19,15,0,3,6,4,60,16,62,79,5,45,0,5,1,4,29,22,4,19,12,262,86,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481048702774476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108613577378455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047401951278724916,0.06946122101639095,0.055787285290898415,0.0,0.0633766477003531,0.0,0.0,0.052128092887551034,0.0,0.04132555586880996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991355767384372,0.0,0.0753019608236354,0.0,0.0,0.06922351628222123,0.0,0.2764750652845641,0.0,0.07171526275105604,0.05839706231647941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677881452021067,0.0,0.07035770269778673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937505822890598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326353276225301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477617371746721,0.06132201506960025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852629843405268,0.18588279768261207,0.0,0.0,0.07433075605741472,0.052376161564508944,0.2506915498575422,0.1062560336432974,0.0,0.2311675526705566,0.11372192699941615,0.0,0.0,0.1493617192799789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206004307016056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199914611109196,0.06676175818849213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322731547026791,0.0,0.0,0.060256909670618426,0.30000853558389073,0.0,0.14902749707775073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365111561272448,0.03311989266859255,0.0,0.05986184148452287,0.0,0.05692845671494048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414671187903632,0.09050377117272908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831869185114701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049835139593207005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781344758803749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046998643852243734,0.05919362007704292,0.0,0.0,0.12817126875817467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192746909944029,0.0,0.0,0.20444995269960284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057894252408113286,0.0,0.10782231331529253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234311246941335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620138376826062,0.0,0.0,0.2297607777018009,0.15656946998142154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415377129554915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448888151349812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171928373534248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791727434110544,0.0,0.0,0.07531973790547472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599426160963205,0.05381037098453998,0.054378892594306345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817228742037213,0.09631540743020367,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,james6180,2018/02/23,"I’m doing it tonight I figured posting this will make me actually do it. If you’d like to know why you can look through my post history. 

I am going to go home from school, go to the pool, give myself the best runners high of all time, smoke a pack and then I’m going to fucking shoot myself in the head. I can’t do this anymore ",0.5576257545271659,2.3999149436619724,2.6586720321931594,94.06676056338031,82.66197183098592,5.183903420523139,22.818913480885314,6.18269132825596,0.2927167002012068,255,9,59,2,7,86,54,71,0.039,0.865,0.097,0.6133,0,0,1,1,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,8,2,1,1,1,6,19,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,8,17,2,12,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,1,4,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.21451499199944105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800479276129053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069008916553374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322230391877674,0.0,0.21087371520783907,0.4997206346117008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256012425600391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322544773041675,0.22049983088298564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080866435505867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739414068768993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459548618571034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673318587332854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210582666134367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224720453797529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818023272500634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835556120962328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForsakenMoon13,2018/02/23,"Jobless and running out of time I lost my job, and while I did have enough stored up to make my rent for next month, I dont have enough for my other bills, and I've been putting in applications to all the places I can get to but none of them have responded. And I have at best 2 weeks before my phone and internet get cut off because of not being able to afford the bill, and then I lose any chance of getting a job whatsoever. So I don't know what to do anymore. What's even the damn point anymore?",4.7325786163522,4.157858358490569,5.326415094339627,88.34106918238994,69.18867924528303,8.576100628930817,28.044025157232703,7.793537801064563,1.3168855345911958,390,11,92,4,6,126,71,106,0.107,0.815,0.078,-0.2732,5,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,2,5,2,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,1,12,17,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,12,1,16,13,5,15,0,2,0,0,3,7,1,0,6,63,15,2,0.18567025474194426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626214012885098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682700032365441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318286396169025,0.0,0.1579917115249586,0.0,0.1948494774072573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760415575765665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836940118720557,0.0,0.12263345215917695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910151345365177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684981568821688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020395163095236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771752244438915,0.20268101599926344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393633679340413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820022593746388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974624223011728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939858983060468,0.0,0.1755184046611043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866498884841216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826581866066408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893347889686778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rawrs_,2018/02/23,"What should I do? I (21F) met my ex-boyfriend (24M) when he was in America for business. We dated for about a year until he had to go back to Italy. He always had mental illnesses, including borderline personality disorder and depression. Drugs and self-harm were always part of the equation, and I tried hard to be supportive without being an enabler. We decided to break up since the distance wasn't working, but we stayed friends and still keep in touch. Today he reached out to warn me that if I don't hear from him, it's because he finally killed himself. I don't know what to do, as I don't know any of his family or friends in Italy, and he will not seek help on his own. He has always talked about suicide but never on this level. Does anyone have any advice? What would you need to hear? 

",3.7548523206751057,5.173750835443041,4.705759493670887,84.77589662447258,72.29113924050634,8.051476793248945,27.723628691983123,8.59863814320734,1.9539350210970456,624,23,126,11,12,203,108,158,0.149,0.782,0.069,-0.9264,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,3,1,0,2,5,5,1,0,4,0,17,2,0,0,1,23,26,12,2,4,6,0,2,0,2,3,2,2,0,1,6,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,6,4,16,3,24,15,2,20,0,1,0,0,23,8,0,2,9,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813007223280747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378400162801903,0.0,0.0,0.20617012234259305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599387784276768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656184103499966,0.0,0.09240665842608622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056255140317288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373301972658273,0.0,0.13265570992771394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757939932131141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290370729392546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605728148287435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342330777945544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861509729662815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579310337652198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34170146239082416,0.0,0.10160626372947552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473840950671556,0.1677096997837022,0.0,0.1666176380334172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527650842023091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240060631091693,0.1169140367861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415506847864988,0.0,0.0,0.1323608241066919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813937939373507,0.0,0.0,0.12539518804162547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615726746201175,0.12105839962116292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581270526322509,0.17202030437699709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218407195301037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368773133574134,0.0,0.0,0.10291832446243096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612545516878406,0.0,0.11035789402414756,0.0,0.0,0.10768378995102013,0.0,0.0,0.09761772376976667
suicidewatch,benarf17,2018/02/23,"I need change. ive suffered with depression for pretty much all of my adolescent life. Its strange but when im outside i automatically feel better. My home life isnt the best, but it could be a lot worse too. My mum is an alcoholic and my dad is away a lot for work, i only really like my dad in my family hes the only one i can talk to about anything. I have really bad insomnia and anxiety,depression and panic attacks. I think my house makes me feel worse, but most days i cant physically leave. I have a shit job and cant afford to move out, im so sick of this life, i desperately need change but i just cant get it. Im stuck in a never ending cycle of sadness.",1.1313986013986046,2.808483958041961,4.048251748251752,85.63083916083919,80.04895104895104,7.756643356643357,21.48951048951049,8.617729084823388,1.2730111888111888,518,15,117,12,13,186,87,143,0.32,0.614,0.066,-0.9927,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,2,1,7,0,13,7,1,1,2,23,21,10,0,3,5,3,2,1,0,0,6,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,2,20,3,13,18,6,9,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,3,5,75,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897072799934207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700992691010876,0.0,0.0,0.14793662859361922,0.12217467659845828,0.0,0.10857602726535752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646651762477416,0.11500775647441867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751252363441958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382450252935102,0.0,0.0,0.0838635428719238,0.0,0.22400251851824146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151747831601705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258794729196362,0.0,0.1315019117346634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793931827916817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304383910305775,0.0,0.0,0.15004601819655408,0.0,0.0,0.4213890119640908,0.0,0.12904232767263324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769112226983066,0.0,0.0,0.2755483673764845,0.06352983973419761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211067628343848,0.0,0.0,0.08680115807555709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382094695058008,0.09559265373133677,0.1928425771864234,0.10029307182181377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811689423929246,0.1977990236978314,0.0,0.15257119387661586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229506525010454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661092930741098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348180508643795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045193577312195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332289169260215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466897641821627,0.0,0.2650390012842019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rzzpa,2018/02/23,"I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost and I’ve turned here, I don’t know what I’m asking for, help? support? I don’t know anymore. I’m too much of a coward to kill myself, but I’m also too numb and lost to do anything else. I can’t get myself to do anything and I fucking hate myself for it. I just turned 18 and a senior in highschool, I was doing alright before, I was going to be in the top seats of my highschool, president of the honor society, until I got raped by another student at my highschool and my school pretty much ignored it and my life has gone pretty downhill from there, with my mother having immigration issues where she almost got deported and I had already had depression and self harmed since I was young from an abusive father and other issues,  I don’t know why I’m saying this I know I shouldn’t need to validate my sadness, but I just don’t understand why I haven’t been able to get better anymore . My mother always acts like this is all an act to get out of going to school and I don’t understand why I would purposely fuck up my life like this, I don’t want to be like this. I had a suicide attempt in September and since then, I feel like things have only gotten worse. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want it all to end. I know there are things I need to do, like schoolwork and laundry and just life in general, but for the fucking life of me, I can’t get myself to do anything, I fucking hate myself. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want to die I won’t amount to anything anymore so what is the point? I don’t really have friends, they’re all sick of me and are tired of me being depressed and missing school,. I don’t really know what I’m asking for, maybe just somewhere to rant. I feel like I’m just prolonging the inevitable and I should just let myself die already 
EDIT: I’ve been missing so much school, partly from the flu, partly from depression, and I’m scared I won’t even be able to pass some of my classes at this point (I’m still in AP classes even though I know they’ve been just adding onto my anxiety). I know I should care and be trying to fix my missinf work and do all my shit so I can graduate but I just feel so empty and numb 

 I’m lost and I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like dying, but I’m too much of a coward to do it yet everyday I’m just messing up more and more. ",2.8472444444444416,3.7067635200000018,4.4350666666666685,88.0029777777778,73.80000000000003,7.075555555555559,25.288888888888888,7.279313950308263,1.0385622222222226,1840,57,401,19,36,619,175,500,0.231,0.654,0.115,-0.9974,0,0,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,0,8,28,37,9,1,12,1,56,15,1,0,4,75,118,35,5,9,16,3,4,7,1,6,9,1,0,1,19,24,0,1,18,0,0,6,18,24,0,0,16,5,64,13,53,90,14,29,0,9,0,5,10,15,5,2,15,273,83,14,0.11671734790589265,0.06914548575325667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843778207088875,0.0,0.12880049577486802,0.046669410475763,0.04855909174474917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119415802618285,0.044644225839288995,0.0,0.4051328618248989,0.0,0.0,0.192096864727986,0.0,0.10911496460820072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965893321451938,0.0,0.0,0.0516135046440457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059500557496762176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079272108561012,0.0,0.1817012697503532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875118366620455,0.0,0.051688463350180014,0.0,0.0,0.07709070750431726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803159613025994,0.1250743449977978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045087766731096414,0.21580661476142024,0.12195999389989387,0.0,0.06633315856725679,0.0,0.09334952545298912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523421698989615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911658900260892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182258709476255,0.0,0.0,0.06456522617204473,0.0,0.3848688119203781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967569803801775,0.16488182913597738,0.1995777019804823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911161593265295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058629131924648026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160136076200916,0.08654443455207413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438440128378016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639351375955996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033562015191987,0.0,0.0,0.11874350346429735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477212178701703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640915987304155,0.05842721337988418,0.2362483746451492,0.0,0.0,0.060880824486786875,0.0,0.05990434017602023,0.09654979631154764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046605312403795264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383491730845663,0.06622473162022861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754181966894859,0.0,0.05733710085559801,0.0,0.0,0.06707471080116642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03962170885008336,0.12695495829144174,0.0,0.12150687542838895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326437375565746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797887839439329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248580968619714,0.0,0.059472474479050276,0.041456327584018585,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kursys,2018/02/23,"It's starting to catch up to me. I wish I could write a long dialogue right now about my experience for the last 5 years of my life, but tonight I just feel so overwhelmed by my emotions I can't spare the mental capacity. 
It's a little past 5AM for me and I've exhausted every option I have at this time in terms of reaching out for help. I just got done punching the stone wall outside of my house. I'm pretty sure I broke my right hand for the third time just now, usually this method works for me and lets me focus on physical pain instead of emotional, but tonight it's really not working anymore.
I've been drinking since 6PM last evening and somehow I still feel sober and I want to keep drinking but I know if I do it's going to end up badly for me, I've had certain issues with my liver as of late and don't want to chance anything dangerous.
I really don't know what I need, but at this exact moment I just need someone to talk to, about anything. I'm just feeling so alone and could use the company because I'm afraid of what I might resort to if I can't just have someone to tell me to not.",5.1555769230769215,4.5907293189655185,6.018275862068966,83.70046419098145,68.3103448275862,9.035013262599467,31.20822281167109,8.384062270229773,2.0954717506631293,870,31,189,11,13,288,124,232,0.107,0.764,0.129,0.0103,0,1,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,16,9,1,2,7,0,14,7,2,1,3,43,32,15,0,9,14,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,8,2,1,5,2,0,2,6,7,0,1,4,4,28,2,34,24,1,31,0,2,0,0,4,11,0,5,18,121,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931011140680304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382068167554235,0.0,0.0,0.2054868524099604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424708592072096,0.07610926356510804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937001027678425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776802345624616,0.0,0.24461692395226226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280885764526365,0.11058274849801546,0.0,0.0,0.08246426539834735,0.0,0.10519408381793062,0.0,0.0,0.12213024534333068,0.0,0.0,0.1893883682698958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095686847204746,0.0,0.099856393733758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836863710664108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440636625317839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303141517170949,0.0,0.11097513205385157,0.0,0.0,0.13723194782359166,0.2035438076978777,0.140839684406675,0.0,0.0,0.1276707079271036,0.08818740518416401,0.0,0.12513556131805387,0.0,0.11049102489646434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582251382241555,0.13244936113174996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515391674807144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285245345675176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918636854240952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270204425541303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996812832718674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324765379669516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327973740215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157517690195954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837163503850834,0.0,0.09970781110873136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767252688793466,0.0,0.0,0.10035215636648602,0.1091270733076826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560564097981712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783295269273084,0.1375080011225793,0.0,0.1472831334974889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357485171715278,0.0,0.0,0.18178902225952612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804012740376479
suicidewatch,Warrior_One,2018/02/23,"love doesn't exist in my life I've never been loved in all 21 years of my life. I don't remember either of my parents hugging me or giving a single word of encouragement. I have many siblings but I'm not close to any of them and I legitimately feel like none of them actually give a fuck about my feelings. My depressive episodes and comments that i'm going to kill myself are either ignored or dismissed angrily, or seen as 'teen angst'. I can't afford therapy, and I've already used the maximum number that i'm allowed at my university. I have acne and scars that I struggle to deal with and completely ruin my confidence. I cannot control my thought processes or emotions, i'm all over the place. I've ruined several friendships by being impulsive and jumping into bed with them, hurting other people's feelings in the process.

I have no clue how I can make it in this world. My social skills are shit. Can't hold a proper conversation. I've never had a job or a proper girlfriend. I have no car and nothing to put on a resume. Have no close friends. Wasted pretty much all my life in front of a screen, playing video games, which gave me repetitive strain injury and now it's painful to do anything with my hands -- a constant reminder of all the time I've wasted. I Have basically no talents. Confused about my sexuality.

With all that said, I am tall, apparently handsome, 130 IQ, and I do have a lot of motivation to improve my situation, and I have a big heart and I know I can be a charming and likeable person. But my god is life torture. I just wish I could start fresh. How the hell can i achieve my dreams when not even my own parents can love me? I don't know If i can find the love and support necessary to remain stable to do the things I really want to do. I've become increasingly disillusioned and angered by the way society and people work and especially how it is currently. I can't even believe in love anymore, and i feel like i couldnt handle a serious long term relationship anyway, i'm so incredibly neurotic. I always fantasize about just hanging myself or holding a gun in my mouth, or 'suicide tourism' .. just one day dissapearing overseas to find a nice place to do it. just waiting for the day when i have enough balls to go and do it. ",4.735599130119612,5.842447716853937,6.0776005799202615,77.056748822037,69.58426966292134,8.798115259151867,32.10764769844147,9.11188708381993,2.829713301920985,1794,79,337,34,31,606,229,445,0.207,0.603,0.19,-0.936,7,0,0,1,0,3,44.0,0,0,3,5,17,32,6,3,23,0,38,16,4,8,7,79,70,35,2,5,18,2,5,2,2,0,5,1,1,1,13,25,0,5,11,5,0,8,17,16,0,1,6,8,52,16,42,60,15,42,1,4,2,7,24,18,3,10,17,232,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.09222519438594276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429081912002658,0.0,0.0786373906919785,0.0,0.0,0.06426799742745498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372554431780496,0.0,0.0,0.07777120442101469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437555101228148,0.0,0.10647702036649244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908878625529643,0.10212848744065918,0.10599763105880124,0.07545614545558155,0.0,0.0,0.12189838689716542,0.09743256212424886,0.08139873636741363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630764915485204,0.0,0.09765098921481254,0.0,0.12484195784805965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114230529026996,0.13503163231629262,0.0,0.0,0.17275536270248856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301586995282737,0.08737019407257635,0.0,0.18131944247495368,0.10742100642049968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119912441859955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117169285772556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937836099338919,0.0,0.10455798766368098,0.0,0.10387714583305613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26701234207445684,0.0923426881125334,0.0,0.0,0.08363571667122223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034646760251808,0.4264812642300205,0.0,0.06308415306502989,0.09581525953694453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947351548732601,0.0,0.14577924153182395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068201063304904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404038571660381,0.0,0.10056210598822296,0.0,0.2098776677427125,0.0,0.0,0.1310385016759237,0.08251986278641607,0.19747939010970111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614758985958548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500563304796446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054360102883991,0.0,0.0,0.10146514444472428,0.10705800237150306,0.0,0.08989779419134801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676600407730796,0.09701007233267024,0.0,0.10622982214143424,0.0,0.09633797992269688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689253753215793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879923091095684,0.0,0.10337531349560407,0.10724541804170933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807698522362937,0.0,0.0627862481481999,0.0,0.0,0.07502799754817681,0.05510778882778458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162370009402582,0.0,0.0,0.05574267428141105,0.07501525374442364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867838026283694,0.0,0.0,0.06880221798052469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085940628860247
suicidewatch,irwd01,2018/02/23,"I want to die! Will I actually kill myself? Probably No
Do I know why I want to die? No
I just want to fade out of existence. For no particular reason. 
Why? No idea. ",-2.243142857142857,-0.8867878857142841,2.2057142857142864,88.15428571428573,113.57142857142857,6.571428571428572,16.42857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.9452857142857148,124,4,29,4,7,47,22,35,0.481,0.434,0.085,-0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.23902028376312576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084057117065993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27650070945336896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709832171943213,0.0,0.13460933879747475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640803140231035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518329793284233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334053155378067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44202973493285497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goldeagle1123,2018/02/23,"Struggled with suicidal ideation since I was about 8, pretty much see no point in living any more. I really just see point in living. Nothing fulfills me or makes me happy. Nothing goes right for me. Every time I get into a relationship it goes great and gets my hopes up, and then crashes and burns and leaves me feeling 10x worse than if I was just lonely and depressed like before. I think a lot about just calling up my ""girlfriend"" and killing myself (I doubt she'd even answer her phone). I just am in a state of constant emotional suffering and see no point to living, when 99% of it is either monotony or going through an outright painful experience. It doesn't help that my ""girlfriend"" who I've been seeing since June and lives not 15 minutes away from me never talks to me or makes any attempt to see me. I see her maybe once every 4-8 weeks, if I'm lucky, after I ask her a bunch of times. This wasn't the case at first, but it has been since about August. 

I am just so exhausted emotionally. I'm tired of nothing good happening. I'm tired of constant loneliness and suffering. I just want put a bullet in my head.",4.283851351351353,5.506725977477476,4.8104391891891884,85.28701013513515,70.75675675675676,7.531981981981982,27.838963963963966,7.8658589789855275,1.6223774774774773,885,31,176,11,16,282,133,222,0.204,0.726,0.07,-0.9842,0,2,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,2,12,15,1,2,7,0,11,5,1,2,1,36,31,18,2,4,14,0,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,5,7,27,6,26,25,5,28,0,4,6,0,13,13,0,9,13,112,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824088256128147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814843269929687,0.0,0.08858856980517127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023385514712349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628064417452714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037880109586842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121184889036907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121271440894368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062277663440444074,0.0,0.15888680306052275,0.0,0.0,0.09223372425195024,0.0,0.0,0.04767586300026559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020303576188928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852527884597304,0.0,0.053587186548545794,0.07908598823290662,0.0,0.10395507074364517,0.0,0.0,0.08338034592583465,0.1003734707426904,0.0,0.0,0.09676875464662253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320060727698543,0.0,0.0,0.09365125685029367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043179276898858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983950795992684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460653369314941,0.0,0.3330392311251921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016199608256842,0.0,0.0,0.12587862993276352,0.0,0.09472699016555644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931400772823455,0.0,0.07272226979787988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714214276508437,0.0,0.0,0.10041578513980386,0.0,0.0,0.10033122036133073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26740361477143515,0.0,0.0,0.09592683974361726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478750480841523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040459591214621,0.0,0.0,0.1012321854861522,0.0,0.08052315477778495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508215892116154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339930160686587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857239275814393,0.0,0.1031379688832666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578673974145513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041723221694175,0.0,0.0,0.1099625281346763,0.2167449955965821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561469185533079,0.0,0.0756337598791108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608957731693593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway9996th,2018/02/23,Not sure what to do I've done some horrible things and have a lot of Dr appointments coming up to see if I have cancer. I want to give up. I've been thinking about ways to kill myself and make it look like an accident the past month or so.,4.174551282051283,3.637086326923079,5.239230769230769,88.3724358974359,70.34615384615384,9.241025641025642,25.025641025641022,8.841846274778883,1.3073641025641023,187,4,45,3,3,62,42,52,0.287,0.6509999999999999,0.062,-0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,12,12,5,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,2,8,10,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,4,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603498774827983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30929274853541233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289932673491314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33437977179298184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476574275565604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538024370249362,0.0,0.0,0.25695056017833434,0.0,0.0,0.2017451289660332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412421931139417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885188211983279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084326228831102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848542090872994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079241956208,0.1936608670095667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826684619546498,0.2399011686102484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trans_Bi,2018/02/23,"I wrote my suicide note yesterday I've thought about suicide everyday for the past year (+-) and yesterday I got drunk of of some homemade mead (good stuff, and my last of it) and decided to write my suicide note. I explained briefly what i've been going through, how i'd been feeling and told them how much I loved them, I promised myself in my drunkedness that tomorrow (now today) i'd buy some rope from a diy store and hang myself and i felt happy that i was taking matters into my own hands.

I'm sorry for the pain i'm probably gonna cause but I hope my family knows it's not their fault, i'm probably not gonna even do it though... i feel an impending, never-ceasing guilt washing over me that's stopping me.

I don't even know where to do it, i can't do it outside because i don't want to scar anyone emotionally, i can't do it at home because my family is here.

I'm thinking about calling a suicide hotline but i can't access a phone without everyone hearing me, i don't want them to hurt me. I don't even know what is wrong, it feels like all the things wrong with me are just some invisible beast draining from me, i don't know what they are, only that they contribute slightly.

Please help me, i think i'm gonna die.",4.362867647058824,4.593940058823534,5.433468137254902,84.49373161764707,69.98039215686275,8.727941176470589,30.839460784313733,8.660442795831766,2.206299019607844,965,38,207,15,16,320,135,255,0.17600000000000002,0.728,0.096,-0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,5,31.0,0,0,6,0,12,12,0,1,7,0,19,5,1,3,1,41,49,11,5,3,6,0,5,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,16,8,1,1,13,1,2,2,11,6,0,0,8,6,40,6,20,38,6,17,0,1,0,1,15,5,0,4,11,128,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899833336930548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774327643180195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536534401512845,0.0,0.0,0.11606171466452722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725553701652908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270874388234471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238669297094108,0.0,0.0,0.1079573552632106,0.0,0.0,0.21301522197841669,0.0,0.17137844423663315,0.08071302699126516,0.10847864183850213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420921114496908,0.09476237220356634,0.09036053038264842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026944856364508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733681693754256,0.0,0.07572819919295334,0.0,0.11332828158754675,0.11221476088588234,0.0,0.0,0.12094756519346787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483636976485672,0.0920938846876573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055196384359886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196897778866053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305339474193774,0.0,0.08713724076861787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592647946000359,0.1202188233333912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785231744487736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240182547442344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362337655358565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647200500220054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944564470625912,0.0,0.0,0.12933521786125246,0.4943276964234374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494699673022409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505897773042737,0.14478620991597904,0.11100240346747987,0.08969360271113158,0.0,0.0,0.10709195221613092,0.1079573552632106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332772150247635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089088130003988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470520710807161,0.0,0.07275549911058367
suicidewatch,-one-day-at-a-time-,2018/02/23,"Logging Off Now - No Support Needed Hello all - Just a message to all those I have talked to recently.
I will be logging off now until tomorrow evening.  If you need further support please create a new post.  There are more people to support you here! 
 

Thanks Again,
 

-one-day-at-a-time-",4.4514545454545456,6.953162145454549,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,73.0,7.309090909090909,32.81818181818181,8.238735603445708,2.8825636363636367,238,12,39,4,5,75,42,55,0.038,0.691,0.271,0.9098,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,6,8,3,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,7,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266250144743207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696721117755513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003318279581444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919586197192449,0.0,0.19014178879964594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340667393788452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364873936249299,0.0,0.0,0.21610813723279015,0.0,0.0,0.1885505267056543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438896898839808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6702296225698547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582395747991341,0.0,0.181254797371708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fearhigh95,2018/02/23,Seeking Salvation I think I’ve run out of tears to cry now. Everything seems be to getting farther away from me. Turning into a failure with no hope or future. Surrounded by lies and hatred of others. Im all alone. How many times must i reach out to others for help and not get heard. Everything is getting worse and getting colder now. Life is pointless. Just wish I didn’t coward out in all my suicide attemps before. Im sorry for living and allowing myself to suffer for so long.....im scared and it keeps hurting,1.953466666666668,4.638514480000001,3.3540000000000028,85.85866666666669,84.2,5.333333333333334,24.333333333333336,6.816661863887847,1.2066333333333334,408,16,72,5,12,133,75,100,0.331,0.593,0.076,-0.984,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,2,3,23,16,8,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,18,12,2,13,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,3,4,48,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021686180819798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441207829297596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984960305795252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053057442162332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29541406536083903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34346401808856386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016022880242762,0.0,0.0,0.1632364676030587,0.0,0.0,0.17593989553166006,0.0,0.5325780670658231,0.0,0.0,0.14608168310620742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160851475429684,0.0,0.0,0.14512391368387847,0.14544443053397735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662493506929238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454285402510485,0.0,0.0,0.14961791553511414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839761826719973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977204238883454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530873691543373,0.0,0.0,0.09583370936548316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876542420474228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899419718994526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748652076032902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doopboop_077,2018/02/23,"I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die My love get hurt cause of me, she got bruises cause of me, her mom beat her cause of me, I wanna die I wanna die ",-3.992571428571431,-3.07073254285714,0.18285714285714327,102.65714285714287,117.28571428571428,2.0,7.857142857142858,3.1291,-2.3778571428571427,111,1,29,0,7,41,16,35,0.457,0.459,0.084,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,5,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,8,3,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,12,1,8,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,20,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832463863558522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8136951779955475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192424225850832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541143851162695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786320389177664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152281016814058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364834870730154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDrugAlt,2018/02/23,"I am a bad person and deserve to die I have really bad anxiety issues. Anxiety often manifests itself in anger where I say stuff to people I love that I don't mean because that's the only way I know how to do it. I'm turning 29 this year. I am an old man and still don't know how to control my emotions.

I freak out on my 74 year old grandmother a lot. I cause her a lot of stress because I stress a lot.  I sometimes freak out on her, actually quite frequently. Like today my car was broken down, and my grandmother picked me up from work. She doesn't like taking the interstate. We got stuck in traffic and I was stressing out because I couldn't get back in time to pick up my debit card that I left at a store that was closing. I kinda was a dick to her for not taking the interstate.

I am often a dick to my sister too. She's always been there for me when I needed her. When I  lost my debit card and couldn't afford lunch, she swung by my work and gave me a $10 bill.

I honestly have people who love and care about me, but I am a dick and lash out because I can't control my emotions. I guess the only thing that I can do that might save me from the guilt, is just to kill myself. I was thinking about maybe hanging myself as that tends to be fool proof. ",2.7555272940716087,3.464832085501861,4.407415378595188,88.68035022500494,73.86988847583643,7.298845627078849,23.823322246135785,7.475848149327749,0.8627204460966538,977,26,220,11,19,330,137,269,0.187,0.754,0.059,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,0,0,6,14,19,2,4,15,0,24,6,3,7,1,41,43,14,2,3,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,13,14,1,2,4,0,4,2,7,12,0,0,10,1,48,7,31,29,3,30,0,1,0,5,16,16,3,8,13,156,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.1055725102722468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001820806004167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552176187336412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318723739801731,0.18065915268168967,0.2637931783984148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030135391713096,0.11113532868838058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426763330410458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122784777437668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433861041366304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565219596959884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652506361429206,0.0,0.119177473332109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291655792444573,0.0,0.0,0.11969017035058616,0.0,0.11891079350420487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754282486488125,0.0,0.0,0.10570700830979504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180962107248908,0.2759238947486076,0.19528155163512426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868591660887662,0.11784468507026967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476670615757192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021746943804489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270429631015589,0.0,0.0,0.1645584431597503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000308382488928,0.09446257196516344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506758048127552,0.0,0.0,0.06930578985594701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603269252446294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699728143929743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863963175160033,0.0,0.3717750929053592,0.0,0.1238454212876345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268262846179793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187300467855674,0.06932028824090415,0.0,0.0,0.06308327828245673,0.0,0.1025462991290586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767371916474002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858718563754579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751927470286686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933460023252942
suicidewatch,beccalynn7238,2018/02/23,"Volatile relationship I think of killing my self when my fiancé and I fight.
My heart is broken, I am afraid he will quit loving me.",3.91,5.442655384615384,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,72.07692307692308,6.7384615384615385,24.538461538461537,7.1686216300943375,0.7724461538461541,104,3,22,1,2,32,22,26,0.306,0.5760000000000001,0.118,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408400373260996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115799187644256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33575842077403223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956841676152769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994053141335116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38809319322778496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837244545101585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EpicNinja2182,2018/02/23,"Friend contemplating suicide, need help ASAP. On of my friends have been contemplating suicide for several months now and I think he's at his limit. He's said he's though of several methods with things around his home. He's getting shit from his parents saying that his Dad calls him ""worthless"" because he gets bad grades and he says ""it sheds a bit of his humanity away"" whenever the dad gets angry at him, his mother is hardly around because she's a Jehovah's Witness and he says he can't find help. Its gotten to the point where at this moment, I'm afraid that he has ended his life at this very moment and I don't know where to go. Please Redditors, help me with this situation and we maybe able to save a life.",4.576338028169012,5.717803535211271,5.1550422535211275,83.39523943661972,69.98591549295774,8.215211267605634,27.580281690140843,8.548686976883017,1.8358597183098602,570,19,114,9,10,183,88,142,0.125,0.747,0.128,-0.3612,1,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,1,1,5,0,6,3,1,0,0,16,16,6,2,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,1,8,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,5,15,3,18,13,1,17,0,1,0,0,35,11,1,0,5,61,23,1,0.13970245123399508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487296004757905,0.0,0.0,0.1312550516578177,0.0,0.11664571140509948,0.17032263520194224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251889412987846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426518223803386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237349059089459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768550950457214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586753455294144,0.0,0.21896629429117712,0.0,0.07939612248053146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514595594774705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28091882478258273,0.0,0.14013294922932595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677681366347218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973519455977792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034988955024205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150916373584548,0.0,0.0,0.10358759742667534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512303942489145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335133959618014,0.1320639722389373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288902266296002,0.3332909894012563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156480103452538,0.14340255861352738,0.0,0.15703140849026415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056236140492544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928121009880282,0.08951568981300051,0.13725694902931282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152691530923266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cotae,2018/02/23,I don't want to be alone anymore and I just want to die. I've been alone for seven years now. I've been ostracized by my family since I was 11. I live alone by myself. I've been bullied ever since then. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and ever since then shes been spreading rumors about me. I've been trying to say they are false but the bullying has increased. I just want it all to stop. I just want to die.,-0.13218590398365393,2.0797729213483187,1.8845556690500518,95.96205311542393,89.4494382022472,5.034116445352401,17.079673135852914,6.574015621080383,-0.20557078651685368,326,8,74,4,11,108,53,89,0.315,0.657,0.028,-0.9688,0,3,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,3,15,15,5,2,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,1,13,0,11,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,8,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267465886177152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812843936008093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35189123789638593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066996073739241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598180181081596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969830377512192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673906551540597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481724761659894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207114877410417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417348678359819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509990156355734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999733008074121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917191331520522
suicidewatch,PoetryGardener,2018/02/23,"I accidentally wrote a suicidal monologue I’ve been having a real bitch of a panic attack tonight and kind of went into a trance and wrote this. I’m too afraid to tell these thoughts to my best friend but I need someone to see them. 

I would have to do it with a gun because I’m too afraid to poison myself and when I practice and see how many ibuprofen pills I can swallow it gives me too much time to reconsider and be indecisive. A gun is quick, I’m good at making fast, irrational, emotionally driven decisions and I know I could kill myself with a bullet. slitting your wrists has a low success rate and considering I’ve never succeeded in anything my whole life I don’t feel confident I’d succeed at that. I could take other pills, maybe some that you don’t have to swallow as many and have a higher success rate, I’ve looked into barbiturates, I think that’s what Marylin Monroe used. Although they are illegal and ordering them online sounds scary and difficult. I could never hang myself, I won’t let someone find me like that - the thought is so scary it gives me chills. I’m hoping with the gun my face will still be in tact, just not the back of my head. I feel so eager to throw away my life like it’s trash but I’m a romantic and still want my body to be found beautiful like a fallen angel or Snow White. Then I think about being “found” or “remembered” and if I kill myself I won’t be able to see that. I’ll be gone. I don’t get to leave and come back. I only have one life. People may think back on me fondly but more than anything I will mark myself as a painful memory in everyone’s mind. I don’t want to be a painful memory or a lost loved one. I want to love. I want to make people feel loved. I want to do good things and help people but fuck, this sadness is so hard I feel weak and I don’t feel like I can do it but I am doing it so I guess I could continue like this but I don’t know how long I can handle this if it doesn’t get better and I don’t know how to make it get better ",2.69789691943128,3.84481913033175,4.149333530805688,88.80229413507111,74.521327014218,7.265521327014219,22.90313981042653,7.756953410329674,0.8408978672985774,1571,41,350,21,32,522,192,422,0.195,0.597,0.208,0.8001,0,0,0,3,0,3,28.0,0,2,3,9,19,39,6,4,17,0,45,20,4,7,2,82,98,39,3,14,13,0,6,5,1,6,10,1,0,0,21,22,2,0,18,0,0,7,13,17,0,2,11,12,52,22,35,69,5,33,1,3,5,4,15,10,2,10,20,227,73,4,0.0815109882316037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415319625661504,0.0,0.0,0.09273051642177596,0.07658225662124597,0.1880307557312063,0.0,0.049688341868345566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554075332072639,0.14417969034130984,0.0,0.09054033258837582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021449888538105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603195659738312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168889068147576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788724233195837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060720239053105,0.05823146627932323,0.0,0.0,0.07449956654762607,0.0,0.0,0.17874518276478674,0.06297518731098836,0.07535559516955179,0.12775838132711914,0.15638553454695944,0.0,0.1367350993320528,0.0,0.0,0.08979354316718073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301783506578415,0.0,0.08365378984629954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054635097233753406,0.0,0.0,0.08095880315919435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803596632412745,0.08488115099440292,0.13438892230676458,0.0,0.0,0.08630836727967725,0.0,0.08335050800522897,0.17272086466286246,0.19911075785455956,0.0,0.0,0.07213465958375559,0.0684487010475809,0.0,0.08897887242545638,0.0,0.2207005478414298,0.0,0.16322765276337636,0.16527869682271426,0.08188874350010578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230286194313502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991995512473915,0.0604393649517525,0.12573259823448746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104679102933814,0.06199277957593705,0.17346687686080434,0.09563558216626628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695283681477182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277734963390363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923360600488822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486111307209805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812799163096634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301895609875892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915979135664219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128611898251751,0.0,0.07124419645665828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054152278679163716,0.1566868499680808,0.0,0.12942123958030985,0.04752971273185167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039932285622474,0.0,0.0,0.24038646367941696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556150271434303,0.0,0.0910041074353798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790306737522856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelloMagikarphowRyou,2018/02/23,"I hate having emotions...so much... I just...I hate myself so much.
Every day is a constant battle with myself. My nonexistent self esteem gets worse by the day, and the infieriority complex I have towards my twin brother doesn't help either.

I just...wish I didn't feel like such a screwup..I wish I could just have some satisfaction when I do something, just anything right. 
Lately I've been noticing it more then ever. But I hesitate to do schoolwork simply because I'm afraid of failing, my self hatred and sadness keep me from thining straight whenever I need to most. 
If it wasn't for stupid fucking emotions..I wouldn't feel this way. I wouldn't hesitate to do important stuff if it wasn't for the fear of failing. I wouldn't hate myself when failing if it wasn't for my massive sadness. I wouldn't want to harm myself if it wasn't for my anger towards life as a whole. 
Honestly, aside from happiness and love, what good do emotions do to us...? It seems like everything I do leads back to an emotion of some kind, most likely a negative one. Even the happiest of moments can turn into sadness and agony in the span of a minute. 
Is this the cost of being human..? Is having emotions really a benefit for us?
I wish I could be like technology...
I know that sounds weird, but I actually envy computers so much..
They don't have emotions that cause them to hesitate when something needs to be done. Theu just get assigned a task and they do it. A human would need whats called determination for that level of ""just do it"", at least to me, but I don't have that. A computer doesn't beat itself up inside when it fails to do a task, it just gives an error message to let us know he can't do it, and nobody can judge it for saying that. A computer has longevity and value forever, I will not. I feel as a human, I will inevitebly spend majority of my life in work or school to pay bills, that is a fact. It feels like I am nothing more than a cog that helps run the machine that is society, and once the kog breaks..meaning I die..it just gets replaced. Technology is different. New technology is always emerging, but older technology still gets used by alot of people. Even the ones too old to be used efficiently anymore become like collectors items. Nobody uses windows 95 anymore, but seeing it in action, it has an old school charm to it that gives it value in the eyes of many. What value do I have? What value will I have? I am not fortunate enough to be like a machine, where once I become ""outdated"", or, dead, I become sought after in the eyes of many people, a collectors item, one with value, not in terms of price, but because I am wanted by someone, even if newer technology replaces me I am my own thing that newer stuff can't ever replicate. Computers are lucky in that regard, Nobody will care about me when I die. I will just be a corpse, a memory, and my entire existence will be rendered completely irrelivent in a century or two. 

I hate how much emotions hold me back..and I just look at technology, something which has no emotions, and I am in awe about the greatness those things can accomplish. 

Is this weird..?
I hope I used a good enough analogy to make this understandable..

Just now, I just finished playing a game of league of legends. I played horribly, and at the end somebody said I ruined the game for them with how badly I played. I felt awful. I know its just a fucking video game, but I felt guilty for ruining that persons experience. When he said that to me I cried. I haven't cried over a game since I was little, but man I cried. It then hit me, if it wasn't for fucking emotions, I wouldn't be hating myself right now, I wouldn't be hating life right now. 

Guilt, anxiety, sadness, anger, hatred, depression, these are all awful feelings that only exist because we have emotions. 

I wish I wasn't like that. 

Even if I couldn't ever feel love or happiness, I think not being able to feel those awful things is more than a worthy tradeoff. 

I wish I was a machine.

And I know that sounds so fucking stupid..

But emotions drag me down day after day. 

The only way I can get rid of my emotions is if I was dead.

Being alive but being stuck with the atrocity that is emotions, or being dead with no existence or feeling ever again?

I don't know which is worse anymore. ",4.503515790322254,5.60096786444709,5.4592833390435125,81.31058767810721,70.11771700356718,8.22250347649086,28.641871057457827,8.543581382742746,2.074253777786735,3358,121,648,53,59,1104,314,841,0.193,0.669,0.13699999999999998,-0.9942,1,0,3,0,1,0,137.0,4,1,4,8,41,58,15,3,45,3,96,11,2,9,6,121,158,51,4,28,40,1,10,8,0,13,3,5,1,7,56,19,0,2,19,8,5,3,29,33,0,4,17,19,91,25,79,110,23,67,0,11,4,6,34,26,4,22,44,475,147,16,0.04367515872879255,0.0,0.04262065470191255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0363412308063735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033411376883359906,0.0,0.12994206478116707,0.0,0.0,0.03594093426909764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716700231156618,0.036466933225942924,0.07987191414871417,0.1447073442990011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044597220237583945,0.0,0.04452973512074697,0.04486641889064005,0.0,0.0,0.045792572972470996,0.04719733070142936,0.0,0.06974212072986033,0.0,0.14392533310835987,0.11266745689735568,0.0,0.037617350215272016,0.0,0.09065583868439006,0.045631245087908175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469485107078199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404154255966296,0.03868322715979935,0.09025622814537733,0.0,0.11538812172054125,0.15802672608087576,0.03679820492315771,0.0,0.03925241647494673,0.042722685842655386,0.0,0.049146695986796544,0.1766677803597208,0.06240308424511747,0.08387000311828925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161507921890548,0.11409233905047275,0.08379438395248548,0.0,0.07326530197568096,0.0,0.048152016685348825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298603720615242,0.0,0.25872106289185537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854907652615138,0.0,0.0,0.04337928732288315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03882048783047665,0.0,0.04548095690153574,0.12001362516633858,0.0,0.049267481402088975,0.0,0.0,0.04466080888272708,0.0925471687141192,0.17069981149925698,0.04377398292213861,0.0,0.0,0.036676133462379766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883707188955909,0.0,0.029153507594634618,0.0885595117275393,0.0,0.047575051667175836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842506797533498,0.0971537303744186,0.0,0.042181740457408086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190749272582122,0.049724457689733284,0.09165946426675482,0.09302523728636522,0.08878625362986581,0.06643385258254841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055771169441749,0.03813546397257712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02797942504801981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189504075212754,0.0830901549235889,0.03473223921364764,0.0,0.08840318467795831,0.03480344686498485,0.03976022418244834,0.09112543150463184,0.0,0.0,0.03612854262709424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700582025965882,0.1008698128938675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0348790381783162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999521510858217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704750432364194,0.027985278187794557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750603105938137,0.04266428382925737,0.04546738052387316,0.15760751511083948,0.1508852569132757,0.0,0.0,0.051521480405170635,0.06933461617522507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048761754990859635,0.2511213855165121,0.0,0.0,0.0317960357231909,0.0,0.08901743603567427,0.03102557965941276,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamrenzo23,2018/02/23,"So I'm not dead, but..... There are some major events that happened in the past year or so after my failed attempt at taking my own life. I will give whomever is reading this a rundown of what happened since then. If you'd like to read my last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/53jz0n/got_big_bertha_pointed_under_my_jaw/

So my whole family found out that I was in the process of comitting suicide. As expected, the authorities were contacted and went searching for me. during that day, I was sitting in front of the pond behind my apartment complex that leads to the woods. I sat on the bench under the sun with the real life Nerf blaster aimed towards my head. I was later found after two and a half hours of sending my last messages and during that time frame, I could've pulled the trigger but the cops got to me first and had the weapon confiscated. I got sent to the Emergency room and stayed there for another three hours until they transferred me to a mental institution in which I stayed in for over a week. After getting out of the hospital, I vowed to fix my relationship with my father but nothing has changed. He still kept treating me like his errand boy and his go-to loudspeaker to yell at when he's pissed for no reason. It was my little brother's 14th birthday at my stepmom's place. We all sang and cut the cake while we celebrate. My friends came over to wish him well on his special day and asked me if I wanted to hang out with them somewhere for two hours. Take note, TWO HOURS. So I asked my dad if I could he said yea. So I told my brother I'm gonna go somewhere with them and I'll drop him off back to our apartment with my dad's car when I get back because he's piss drunk that night. My friends and I did our thing, they dropped me off and I went home with my little brother. I was in bed at 2 AM when I got a text from my father saying ""I know all the stupid shit you're doing with your friends and I know that you've been lying to me. So I'm gonna give you two choices. You either stay here with me and get your shit together or get the hell out of my place and stay with your dumb asses you call friends.""
I packed quickly and lightly then left his place after reading that because I'm done. I walked to my friend's house since it's like 5 minutes away from my place, explained the situation to him and stayed there for two months until I finally got a job and is able to support myself. After two weeks of not seeing him, I went back to my father's place to get some clothes. As I was clearing out my closets, He started to yell at me for no reason and I stayed silent until I had enough of his ranting that I also started to retaliate. He even threatened to call the cops on me just because he's pissed. That is the final nail in the coffin. Come on really? What are the cop's gonna do? I was there to get my shit not for his immature ass retorting to calling the cops when they can't do shit about this. I left his place, for the last time, in tears and with an irreparably broken heart. I have not seen, heard of nor talked to him in five months since then. The same goes for my little brother who refuses to respond to my messages on discord. Now I am working as a full time associate at Walmart, trying to save up for a car and looking for a place to live. I contacted my sister in the Philippines about the situation but she decided to side with my father as she condones the things he's done so I decided to cut contact from her completely out of anger. Now I'm all alone in the world and no one to run to except for the few friends I have, I am still having moments when I think about what has happened since my attempt, even at work. Every day that passes without talking to anyone in my family, I think about staring at lady death in the eye through a gun barrel so I hope that the day I am able to see my brother again will be the day that will restore my will to live. For now, I'll struggle to make ends meet until I can finally get a car of my own.
",5.602539795114262,5.47189471234568,5.728313632781718,84.68911347517732,67.30864197530865,8.375098502758076,29.950091935907537,7.69321558396912,1.6838035198318884,3167,103,666,30,47,1002,331,810,0.14400000000000002,0.79,0.066,-0.9971,3,1,0,1,0,2,75.0,4,7,5,7,37,31,14,1,44,1,40,15,12,5,4,90,98,57,4,8,17,12,0,3,6,7,2,6,4,1,24,42,1,2,12,5,0,18,10,16,1,11,31,13,116,15,134,57,14,146,1,1,6,2,84,58,11,8,63,456,140,9,0.09855393896703443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103607922849288,0.0,0.039406774692690015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167119904158657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034455602809484176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213462913034387,0.0,0.046297334928407305,0.11367284354107304,0.0,0.0901163496745718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509518860144422,0.056359725554686324,0.0,0.0,0.0521284998205806,0.04244774592898225,0.05166596496989019,0.0,0.0,0.07868730085817624,0.0,0.0,0.15889784367447618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085489676003566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364476878296388,0.05091628204072339,0.0,0.06509394720339094,0.0,0.04151797208812999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290788258216842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194153428986086,0.0,0.04191496506952822,0.0,0.10805930718689326,0.2284275863169448,0.0,0.1802162790625798,0.09454191858940283,0.05601047469138043,0.0,0.15764517613120038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307263841237503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057238709612885,0.0,0.0,0.058393446097325524,0.0,0.0,0.049428818190474434,0.04894314937468655,0.19411155540661867,0.05685900673141149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889978865126436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416266744811382,0.12050192111571585,0.0,0.0,0.10707914305261652,0.0,0.06961156167865483,0.07222271464132447,0.14816540684058527,0.08702493369975485,0.0,0.041380243644258366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289275977218674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049659595172470816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866481382406372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624309774682128,0.0,0.04728258122665109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033391349820025215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704044317733645,0.0,0.0,0.36038761529367375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047193715352726415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478709135938616,0.056087979373790606,0.031568088460058735,0.10132986339346757,0.0,0.052905023834276345,0.0,0.0,0.04687368229129277,0.0391870239660249,0.0,0.0,0.07853472953523415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232840418300507,0.1630496734836703,0.1107787566471204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975698525520703,0.3151361577600769,0.07870530296638656,0.0,0.0,0.05151498768131034,0.0,0.053901006639182784,0.05591892101138751,0.0,0.0,0.07410029691417233,0.07921392298484461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547485785239067,0.06314938465643523,0.0,0.0,0.0862013915421909,0.0,0.0,0.04708625605963545,0.0,0.033455827654079014,0.0,0.2888186337701109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029064833323633955,0.0,0.07905402515739728,0.0,0.04430591349180979,0.13704073318815635,0.0,0.0550159766463146,0.05666608301344502,0.04750124012935388,0.0,0.07174844133974911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031732752738478316
suicidewatch,crunkindile,2018/02/23,Just need someone to talk to for a few minutes. If there’s anyone available to talk for a little while I’d greatly appreciate it. I just started PHP and I think it’ll help me but I need someone that’s not family to get me through his long night. I’ll only be awake for about another hour though.,1.589086021505377,3.6224428548387095,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,80.12903225806451,6.068817204301076,24.849462365591396,7.1686216300943375,1.0346688172043017,235,9,50,3,6,78,44,62,0.0,0.929,0.071,0.4304,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604036411498045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406565394822178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211975886341526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258964856478498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586912869115254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727416001083067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310730090312571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351707935592384,0.0,0.2076489027769776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34796498352353666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201936246587861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845419571283644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39761920372903226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660793088809602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771892817598675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034775544884674,0.2305324826231402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,punchingbag0101,2018/02/23,"Nothing is changing nothing is worth it. I did all this stuff to try to change my life but I'm still in the same freakign place. Lose 100lbs. Go to work full time. Go to school full time. Started weight lifting 3x a week. 

What is the purpose of doing all this? I thought it was going to make my life better but it takes up so much freaking time and I get lonely. With class I only pretty much have Sunday free. and I live down south and everything is slow or shut down on sunday. 

Then I remembered my therapist told me its good to keep a journal. The last therapist I saw said the same thing too but every time I wrote I got angry. I felt like I'm better now and I tried today. And I got the same anger. Maybe worse. I always get mad and I don't know why. 

Nothign I am doing is worth it, nothing I am doing is working or positive. I should honestly just kill myself so I dont ever have to go through this again. 

Maybe its because part of me doesnt love myself. I dont know fuckign how. I dont know how to feel happy aobut myself unless its in some form of accomplishment. I feel like I have to achieve something and work my ass off to make myself into something. I can't just accept myself now. And its because I dont think I am worth anything.

When I write and the frustrations come out I dont know how to deal. People look at what I do and say ""good job!"" ""THat takes a lot of dedication"" 

It doesnt feel like that. I thought all this stuff would help me. I still have four years left of college if I go for my BA. Four years of full time school and work. 

And while I would love actual friends in real life (i have mainly online friends) or a girlfriend I know I'm not entitled to this. I know its going to suck finding new people in my life. I know it wont work out all the time. I know thats also what makes it great.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME. I have no way to deal with all these feelings. And honestly! If I'm completely honest, I sometimes feel like if I dont freaking figure it out soon I will either hurt myself or hurt someone else! 

I dont know why I listened to her! I dont blame her for telling me to write my thoughts, but its like the moment I'm in there she can show me how my life is good and all that jazz and I might feel better for a little bit. But then I forget to say this really serious stuff. But I dont want to freaking tell her this outloud. I would rather write it and have her read it. 

I dont know.

All this shit isnt worth it. Nothing is worth it. None of it works. It doesn't help. I dont know why I think like this, but I feel everything I do is meaningless and I'm doing for some stupid freaking reason. I cant believe I actually thought I coudl better myself. 

I dont understand why I dont feel better. Exercise, dieting, trying to clean up my diet is supposed to make you feel better. Therapy is supposed to make you feel better. Trying hard to better yourself is supposed to make you feel better. But it doesnt to me",0.4441729780271153,2.604964980645164,2.264670406732119,94.83019401589529,85.48387096774194,5.0135577372604025,19.46937821411875,6.354857612393258,-0.02136512388966816,2288,65,511,22,69,754,232,620,0.16699999999999998,0.6609999999999999,0.173,0.8467,1,2,2,0,0,3,66.0,0,3,0,18,20,45,7,0,14,0,59,13,2,11,8,118,126,45,1,9,22,0,14,6,3,7,6,4,1,0,42,24,3,1,35,4,6,7,25,16,0,2,13,20,88,30,56,106,24,61,0,4,2,3,28,25,3,11,34,342,130,14,0.0,0.0,0.07783250001215976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0318913027105848,0.03318260673095714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032817102253605776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861985972474246,0.0,0.0,0.04493009065553644,0.0,0.3174284173293861,0.04353764976202632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437360228494854,0.03435231442715055,0.04181247873084338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822272042169449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075941227132721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03331387176201153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036072930031326465,0.033599862615444606,0.0,0.07168152922874968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180478902311845,0.08546891329866695,0.03829019089675763,0.0,0.03644877589895213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162098911073169,0.0,0.04167036871038386,0.0,0.13598527288337395,0.10034609375657692,0.0637899202874395,0.04396684970538184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245204462833944,0.03572384149695728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346024165167422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538280497004183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03957385435683411,0.035446377357056844,0.04412031674364933,0.0,0.2410816211600603,0.03250678995745687,0.0,0.0,0.043328759987486,0.0,0.14083894222268953,0.11689748644331065,0.03996933587891071,0.035213976855891754,0.0,0.033488401083014686,0.04461451340829999,0.0,0.0339037856319399,0.07198489138327806,0.0,0.1597176577472009,0.0,0.0801278342626072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230542418367112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863145565607265,0.0,0.0,0.038515484307152265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530602920534535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0303298533780324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318518025906872,0.0,0.055294294857237504,0.0,0.04166517277478735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040571382574694594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988989291213889,0.045391147653766284,0.025547573302440417,0.041002357745643335,0.0,0.0,0.04517524753600243,0.0,0.037934157331294974,0.06342692358729203,0.0,0.08071955863471746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093532416106813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033789432916437934,0.0614017606267648,0.03944145065533425,0.0,0.02822663298760505,0.0,0.06369500324254984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695608917063504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996824196506623,0.0,0.06971218413974525,0.0,0.04560522756140967,0.09260542002660743,0.026493902736100368,0.05110583542476816,0.0,0.12663820681457702,0.1395229471675392,0.0,0.03780072486496315,0.038106190045147176,0.0,0.10830116754998552,0.0,0.0,0.041515550616570286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02352172703767727,0.03165417420288442,0.031988609400865474,0.04856200159995995,0.0,0.0,0.1439387436408192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419476318139498,0.0,0.04064021094810953,0.08498690761935243,0.0,0.0,0.05136166719123437
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayLife35,2018/02/23,"I Have No One Else (Seriously Long Wall of Text) I considered what I would start this with and decided against a back story or anything like that. It's not a contest to see if I have it worse than anyone else. I don't need to ""prove"" that I have somehow earned the right to feel this way and I don't need validation.

The fact is, I have no one in my life I can talk to about this. I have no friends outside of a few minor acquaintances. My parents are neither equipped nor do they deserve to have this crap dumped on them.  The only person I have in my life will simply not listen to me and will have me locked up at the slightest hint of verbalizing these thoughts. I don't blame her for that. She doesn't have the ability to help so the only recourse she has is to prevent me from hurting myself through any means. My parents love me, I know they do. They are just old and I have already brought them so much stress and grief through out the years that I can't bear to hurt them. So here I am, with no one else.

So, kind strangers, I turn to you. I turn to you for nothing in particular. I'm not seeking answers, this isn't a cry for help. I don't expect anyone or anything to fix me. I just want to let everything out so something greater than my own broken mind.

There is a lot of good in my life. I have the most amazing son anyone could ask for. He is sweet, and kind, and do friendly. He always has a smile on his face and always thinks the next minute is going to be even greater than the last. He is everything I am not. I remember back to the day he was born. There were complications with his mom so the first four or five hours of his life it was just him and I. Alone in a dark hospital room. I've never felt so much fear and so much joy at the same time. I just held him and talked to him. I told him all the things that I thought about throughout his mom's pregnancy.  I told him how amazing of a mom he had and how lucky he was because of that. And I told him all about who I was. Where I grew up. I told him about when I was a kid and what my dreams were.   I told him how I wish so much that he would not be like me. I cried so hard at the thought that I had passed on my mental illness to him. I could not bear the pain of knowing that I would be responsible for so much hurt and suffering in his life. Somehow at the end of that night, when his mother was safe and back in the room with us, I felt like I was born fresh as well.

And then reality started creeping back in. The slow, ever steady march of whatever it is in my head began again. The doubts, the fears, the regrets, the anguish came back with unstoppable force. I did what I could. I held it in. I held it together. I went to work and I continued my social life and I was the best father I could possibly be. I kept telling myself that it would change. That one day I would just step outside and the sunlight would hit me in just the right way and it would suddenly disappear. God I dreamed of that moment. The moment the blackness just whisped off me and floated away leaving the real me behind. As I write this, near six year to the day of my sons birth, the darkness has not gone away. It is as if the hope and joy that he brings me only makes it stronger. I cannot imagine how I could ever do anything to bring pain to my son but in the same moment I cannot escape the hammer nailing into my brain how much better off he would be without me. What could I possibly bring to him that would benefit him? I've already taken the risk with nature, how could I risk the nurture? I can't you one thing for absolute certain... When you live a life so unbelievably filled with guilt already, the feeling that you could even consider something as selfish as I have when you have a child it will without a doubt destroy your soul. Yet here I am, again.

It's been this way for me for as long as I can remember. I recall being very young and having this overwhelming feeling that suicide was the answer. I'm not sure exactly when it began, but I know I was entirely too young to be feeling that way. I've always been able to control it though, save a few very dark times that it overtook me and I physically attempted it. Deep down I've always held this faint glimmer of hope. I small sparkle in a world completely void of light. There way always the chance it would go away. All I needed was the catalyst and everything would begin to get better. I know now that is simply not true. It will never go away. Things will never be better. Simply put, my light has gone out. It has defeated me at last. I have nothing left to fight with.

My mind has always been broken and as I sit here alone, I've realized my body has followed suit. Where I was once a well trained athlete I am now an empty hull of a person. My muscles has slowly degraded away. My hair has either fallen out or turned gray. My knees hurt.  My back hurts. I hurt. Years of battle have left the scars of self neglect.  A stomach too big to wear the clothes I once could, a face riddled with wear and wrinkles, a mouth overcome with rotted teeth and gums. I am already dead in a lot of way. These are the reasons I'm alone, and the reasons I will be alone until the enevitable end. I am unlovable and it had made me bitter and angry. I lash out verbally at people that I disapprove of, either through their beliefs or their actions. I know this is my coping mechanism to deal with the intense jealousy that fills me at every turn. Because I am too afraid to take a chance at bettering myself, I judge harshly those that do. I pretend I find their social life boring and beneath me because I know I will never be able to do those things myself. I have outcasted myself and turned the world against me, yet somehow I'm angry that no one is here for me. This is my life, this is my struggle.

I realize that there are many people that will think I'm an asshole. They will think about how I have so many great things in my life and I should be able to find happiness. I know there are so many with so much more tragedy than I have. It may be the definition of a first world problem, but it doesn't make me hurt any less. I may not be good with being able to verbalize what goes on in my head, but it doesn't make my pain any less real.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this exact moment. I feel like this next two or three days could very well be my last. My biggest fear is that I find myself growing more and more okay with that.

It comes down to me asking myself do I even want to go on. Do I even want to try anymore. Is there any hope left in this beaten down soul.

I feel like I've finally reached the point where the answer is no.",2.5859348947995247,4.014732232896654,3.5118766706365,92.13183644303295,75.28820960698691,6.4810797935688775,24.062961492655816,7.018957405659447,0.6909472489082971,5184,159,1152,51,110,1657,454,1374,0.117,0.758,0.125,-0.4132,3,4,2,0,2,2,137.0,1,7,10,13,80,81,7,13,74,1,149,30,14,14,17,220,236,87,3,37,34,10,10,5,2,23,15,1,2,5,83,58,0,9,38,3,0,25,37,41,3,13,45,18,193,40,157,141,29,169,3,13,3,1,84,70,1,22,72,844,276,3,0.13578957189957305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063704449576248,0.14984716921278762,0.0,0.1694817025443743,0.0,0.0,0.09234156531454032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033666691894487746,0.07121041945274116,0.034783115820078064,0.08380743573899295,0.0,0.06347245974065095,0.0,0.15947346589877126,0.15662069850107715,0.0,0.0620820470075553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562569453944126,0.1200948415226586,0.0,0.03770790070317685,0.0,0.037896517636904464,0.0,0.038826773874599665,0.0,0.0,0.035911840503763726,0.029242673140270663,0.0355931956579961,0.0,0.03807488782675785,0.2710423096594517,0.0,0.07457923427230227,0.08757304028422297,0.0349982715320916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850760723885994,0.0,0.060134628111382614,0.0,0.0,0.08968773157771476,0.06141472094143453,0.028602142720400882,0.0,0.0915291835958965,0.0,0.0,0.11460076510138767,0.1029889313588199,0.04850404864854719,0.06518964183603787,0.03718770966853613,0.09308190651052237,0.05775127024482095,0.0,0.0,0.052455343204506566,0.0,0.017736111702407256,0.0,0.09646542872804974,0.0569469252083798,0.0,0.03742712059964495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03613763107098125,0.030410196157983044,0.0,0.06967963803070172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550844386147716,0.0,0.0,0.10115226297391176,0.03343134389869702,0.0,0.2543897040741341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070197163555003,0.13059619564584052,0.08301496851816571,0.0,0.035945387543818486,0.11065182538785846,0.03471350932307087,0.23978047601849434,0.08292490729239882,0.0,0.02997616994190147,0.060084749041245264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057721719073986766,0.030638847554553168,0.032121844046467174,0.06798044524970348,0.10325198466757446,0.0,0.03697866296892837,0.0,0.0,0.03421098760665206,0.0,0.06855437918144898,0.11927632908794072,0.0,0.0,0.17468667911551194,0.07551468523508657,0.10472928901052383,0.0,0.07220687510715101,0.0318573286474697,0.0,0.0651468782513233,0.0,0.03562207836099303,0.0723057311904185,0.13802179227133976,0.07745556625656189,0.10836725878336133,0.0,0.07538912499103267,0.0,0.0,0.04706969582678183,0.05928310826737782,0.0,0.0,0.032091259128384245,0.0765411697793388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03248307038140846,0.0,0.034126506272623064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727913047114901,0.0,0.0698071478170124,0.0,0.0,0.07691155718358476,0.05798177623030985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027051677017205004,0.0,0.035414534524119634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921018408379921,0.0,0.05226872326327157,0.0,0.0,0.048056278947804384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888662395647191,0.03548918590659655,0.0,0.037132938029696055,0.0,0.06399003225588673,0.0,0.02552421471193657,0.054571257137656086,0.02967151775197037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127656972814582,0.06525635604798423,0.03335314123750417,0.08085131418441918,0.03958999568272591,0.0,0.0,0.16219094385538113,0.0,0.02304805146455318,0.1846250765869729,0.03316167018734554,0.0,0.040834533916545,0.0,0.0,0.08403046338866536,0.06006915576964675,0.1616751625343546,0.0,0.0,0.0915683496072862,0.031469573392102636,0.0,0.0,0.0390378265661973,0.06544815082450756,0.0,0.024714106397221276,0.0,0.03459529364833523,0.2652677936818489,0.0,0.0,0.06558302420049841
suicidewatch,Quesofix,2018/02/23,"Suicidal This is such, such, such a bad thing to say, because it isn't their fault, but I hate it when people don't understand how it feels. 
They say things like, ""But why are you feeling that way?"" Like there has to be a specific reason. 
It doesn't work like that. 
Or when they say, ""Somebody loves and needs you!""
I'm sorry, but obviously, we are in enough pain that that becomes over-ruled. 
It's like being skinned alive. 
The sensation isn't the same, but the analogy is that what the puppy wants right now is to just be released. It doesn't matter if its mother cares about it so much she would feel depressed for her entire life- yes, it's selfish! But do you think you wouldn't be selfish under those circumstances?",3.227159624413148,5.094044274647885,3.484154929577468,91.15937793427231,74.56338028169014,6.705164319248826,23.10093896713615,7.492282038375204,0.8014910798122061,565,16,118,7,12,174,91,142,0.172,0.635,0.192,0.5442,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,4,3,1,11,13,1,0,6,1,18,4,1,2,1,24,29,12,1,5,8,1,4,4,0,2,2,3,0,0,19,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,7,11,6,7,23,3,7,0,1,0,1,15,3,0,2,7,82,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699853597467774,0.1073214682153332,0.19443886899711335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949976296425296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516358772104762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819118339039314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670560296282981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381782209505545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435282328502102,0.3440462380819716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889647309375515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942065115440335,0.1305425204530055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733488793766626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205434037873936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810138185698392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150349972046165,0.0,0.42001790640538417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197079111468549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257554899942209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392618213956284,0.11280890819530967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327942002148204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384177555984077,0.1397442308484766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588622158523206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817010611088378,0.0,0.0,0.12506439078498874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doctor_stranger14,2018/02/23,"Ive attempted in the past and thought I was getting better...now im frightened im going to hurt myself So i was on a low dose of prozac for a few months and was doing really well, then i felt exhausted all the time and started staying in bed all day. I also started hearing things that werent there again. 

I saw the doctor for an update and they were concerned, they doubled my dose, only allowed a weeks worth of pills at a time, emergency referral for therapy 

Ive been a fucking mess since. I have no energy. Constantly stressed, anxious and paranoid...really paranoid. 

Im scared, i feel constant impending doom. Constantly imagine cutting my wrists or taking pills.

Im frightened to tell my parents, they worry like crazy about me already

Im fucking scared, i want to hide all the knives in the house. 

Am i going crazy? Am i being a drama llama?",1.6240259740259724,4.30930078787879,3.2791341991342016,85.54727272727277,86.57575757575756,5.80952380952381,26.038961038961038,7.2636822038024595,1.7087142857142852,670,30,120,11,21,221,102,165,0.276,0.664,0.06,-0.9865,3,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,3,1,6,13,3,3,12,0,12,10,1,1,3,15,26,9,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,7,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,4,1,1,2,1,11,1,0,8,4,20,2,14,17,5,23,1,3,1,2,6,6,2,1,15,76,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656455634488756,0.0917184859609046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956837478866945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014350182020506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718212248834283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396631547711477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739127077442015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799130084490006,0.0,0.1101215076748498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206027421907414,0.05992140180401832,0.0,0.13036326816155125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926528232676998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233820964326054,0.12277926790911947,0.0,0.6194307150670191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603231162278234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154539642745688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722780177700523,0.0,0.0,0.12735096976266494,0.0,0.109485697847675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347409933484324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296517352796097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948737197154846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235799866137154,0.12224552540645893,0.0,0.0,0.1313783459415886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623348517129609,0.0,0.10024513643030132,0.0,0.1311593465401687,0.0,0.07619571606098355,0.0,0.0,0.091051976609769,0.13375468527309672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764782268882966,0.0,0.0919983372541366,0.0,0.10312113427890927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647444878781307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychoblondegirl,2018/02/23,"People tell me it gets better. It doesnt. Ive felt like this for over five years. My home life has always been shit and lead me to my depression (although i don't blame them entirely ) and i have no chance at graduating highschool anymore. Im almost 18, never once have been close friends with anyone or in a relationship. I get to watch my family members be successful and enjoy lif. At this point i seriously believe that there is something wrong with me and i repelle people away because even before i was absolutely depressed people despised me. If i decide to kill myself i know my family will blame me and talk about how ungrateful i am and stupid and lazy i was. Rn the only thing stopping me is i cant legally buy the materials i plan on using to end my life.",4.429596628537023,5.757932284768213,5.705358217941001,78.60777844671887,70.52317880794702,8.404816375677303,28.296809151113788,8.841846274778883,2.2507298013245034,609,22,114,11,11,204,105,151,0.233,0.6559999999999999,0.112,-0.962,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,4,4,13,4,0,3,0,16,3,1,3,1,21,21,11,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,5,2,26,5,14,14,0,13,0,2,1,0,5,8,1,3,5,80,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609314652118254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372659787734975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938471591608053,0.1123746927706352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099572680373768,0.0,0.0,0.097969524862525,0.0,0.13675544484858046,0.18106920334502852,0.0,0.14213812764159384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768447933011053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234455598266169,0.0,0.0,0.10614982356651033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30301297640532343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431026869630052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416693628725164,0.0,0.16793245585301447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612088544461981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359827721022647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780579757451478,0.0,0.08832399693852568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270335509779481,0.07851655180490316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395224358060898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115474934405764,0.0,0.12222994230827648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342557439762716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192630851872632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254627156787047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497021097378442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237251886036474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436377409689365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917551185794993,0.14047077873044747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106770981138344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880495809544466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757151031038813,0.0,0.10349429552779367
suicidewatch,DemonicSippyCup,2018/02/23,"I'm to weak for this world. I'm tired of being in constant pain. I'm just tired. I don't want to be conscious anymore. I've slept longer than I care to admit and can't do it anymore. I don't want to feel anymore. Everything always leads to the same bullshit pain and suffering. Nothing lasts.

Time isn't healing anything. It's making me bitter. I fucking hate men. I can't keep up this fucking charade anymore. I was raped on my birthday after going to this man, a ""friend"" for emotional support. I'm trying to heal from a friend I had a thing for falling for my best friend and neither giving a shit about my feelings. My ex messaged me and wanted to try again. I used that to try and feel something better. To be happy. It worked, but also bit me in the ass. That's over now too. I didn't realize what I was doing was unhealthy.

Everything is completely shit. I don't care about myself. I don't want to change my life, for me. I just don't care. I'm not worth making such changes. I always have to do it for someone else, not myself. I don't even know where to move to for school. I have no fucking friends where I'm at aside from one who constantly sends me pics of her kids. I hate kids. I'm tired of them. 

I don't understand why the fuck I have to suffer so much. Why the fuck it's always men that hurt me. Why do I even think it's just men? I have such a chip on my shoulder and it's horrible. I don't want it but fuck. 

I don't feel strong enough to keep this up. Every single day I wake up I cry. I just...I'm so fucking done. I want so badly to have amazing friends, to fall in love. It never happens. I'm 27, and my entire life just seems like filler in a movie, or never the happy ending. If there's a God, he forgot me. I feel cheated. I don't know what to do with myself.",-0.4126361813523438,1.7232613534031422,1.7274312131001466,97.15401191934946,89.91623036649214,4.1934722067505845,18.59886376294976,5.628969060400752,-0.3985160521332296,1375,40,315,9,47,458,169,382,0.235,0.616,0.14800000000000002,-0.9872,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,0,1,5,20,38,14,0,12,0,33,25,6,4,2,47,82,15,0,7,10,1,5,1,5,0,10,0,0,6,20,8,0,3,13,0,1,6,20,21,0,1,8,6,48,17,47,71,7,31,0,3,0,10,21,14,10,3,12,201,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632859871133896,0.17582816440959226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794190782217897,0.0,0.0,0.05796380914533171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881211494943093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391948962805266,0.062295974205419775,0.07689917293551136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544624147823704,0.0,0.1490264235384014,0.0,0.07385205793974553,0.15223516720315025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737195029497967,0.045426163101325634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208170488415283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884123740672819,0.07923236282857005,0.06238644714764719,0.07278045060300982,0.0,0.09304620485058523,0.0,0.05934637400037378,0.0,0.12660881656619272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807580880877688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720980073559485,0.455826356855479,0.0,0.06756977493276578,0.04003108065968703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062287378162051925,0.14996340588820908,0.0,0.13908429312622672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754044731513856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521562910339534,0.0,0.0,0.07742087962317938,0.057415714357119625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950374660309208,0.034412055140266413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357231776960606,0.0,0.09403474809419897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486359017179184,0.05177944230569846,0.0,0.108651012883357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675863874859663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773006568312343,0.0,0.14990028152833698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128620093939116,0.0,0.06412337611570107,0.0,0.0,0.14460553516505142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968120602367321,0.0542259933045442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993129319984171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679534194831507,0.0451333098803462,0.0,0.0,0.04107249434820148,0.24287157882743185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346669362148382,0.0,0.0,0.07332760320841053,0.0,0.060835120263451586,0.0,0.0,0.24927409243709986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067583573969946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127911624216826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riggerman10,2018/02/23,"Almost jumped off my balcony yesterday since my dad was very angry with me. i'm glad I didn't but it just lingers in my head ""Suicide"". When I'm angry or sad, I always think that but I know I'll go to hell if I do. I really don't want to but it makes me so sad and mad at the same sad. I don't know what to do.",-1.847567567567566,-0.3269290675675656,1.4120945945945955,101.41381756756759,89.67567567567568,4.781081081081081,14.655405405405405,5.985473137389443,-1.0208324324324325,235,4,66,2,8,84,48,74,0.371,0.606,0.023,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,6,1,1,1,0,15,14,8,1,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,7,12,1,7,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,3,2,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34436582807564114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861520620169434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544609899102894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529402608731588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37799651304549003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295556900006877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031092491603865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844773482079461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761704051738394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203570127336126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28375323129185803,0.20284092653129826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,widewindows,2018/02/23,"I need help I have a gun in my bedroom and I keep thinking of using it. I don’t think I ever would, but then why does it keep showing up into my thoughts? I have PTSD from 13 years of sexual abuse from my dad. I have anxiety and OCD. I had two panic attacks this evening and no friend would pick up the phone. I texted a new friend who is my coworker and now I regret it and think work will be awkward tomorrow. I have a new job I like but I’m worried I’m not learning fast enough. My coworker says I’m doing fine but I don’t believe him. I feel stupid for texting him in the first place even though he said he has anxiety and if I ever want to talk I can text him. I shouldn’t have. I can’t keep friends. My best friend she just used me as an ATM and for favors. I stopped it today and ended the friendship. I just feel lost. Depressed. Hungry but too tired to eat. I look at my puppy and cry because I don’t want to leave her if I hurt myself. I scratch my hands instead every time i panic and now I have scars. My hands are ugly. I have a significant other. He’s at work so I feel like I have nobody right now to turn to. My family forgot my birthday last week; they went to a casino the night of my scheduled dinner and didn’t invite me. A week later my significant others family scheduled a dinner for my birthday and I showed up to a table of 8 and nobody was there, they forgot. I just feel stupid and alone. Every time I have a panic attack I want To dial the suicide hotline but I don’t. I don’t know anymore. I took my anxiety medicine just now. About to eat. Hoping the thoughts go away. Never sure of where this path leads and at what point I need to call the hotline, or keep telling myself to just breathe. I never can calm my self down. Other people help but I have nobody. ",0.2478091546696177,2.408456044973548,2.2605943152454806,94.51244186046513,86.43386243386244,4.680300233788606,18.843607727328656,6.0184958892216835,-0.19403132767318845,1387,38,307,11,43,462,184,378,0.229,0.636,0.136,-0.992,2,1,0,1,1,3,36.0,0,0,2,6,20,24,4,4,17,0,30,8,3,4,5,68,64,28,1,12,15,1,7,2,4,4,1,2,1,1,11,16,4,7,11,3,2,4,12,12,0,2,11,10,66,12,34,48,2,46,0,4,1,0,25,15,0,4,29,210,77,5,0.0,0.10032679351722576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769843178035029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432991085627535,0.0,0.08397548719726597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266154159700968,0.07955555619100517,0.0,0.0,0.051617487495770366,0.0,0.0,0.09540045593409062,0.08886186575938536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646330124279354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301222039343034,0.0,0.0,0.07293100929366207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410022789551841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328864905379995,0.0,0.0,0.07499748874801937,0.08749257690948446,0.0,0.11185493036352284,0.15318793804583775,0.1426857665350042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964932505905008,0.0,0.17125820210051015,0.06049229798203811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202506070790769,0.0,0.0,0.2616807743097241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048123120623309285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351260043113062,0.0,0.0,0.08410202177433597,0.0,0.0,0.09064702968799604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402751237818969,0.3010544169163262,0.0,0.0,0.04653552024416041,0.0690219524966164,0.0,0.08965928226470382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273648640610831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110621601716313,0.0,0.09243346954458688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557183626354168,0.13061415561773634,0.16356053192035422,0.0,0.07946235710829383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29804587641690616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870343085190821,0.0,0.08846802713489686,0.0,0.08004585447615685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898129815961597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231253849892412,0.08054592928881904,0.06733747184169955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833516520862174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079263106627431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262141263781737,0.0,0.07980579368026168,0.0,0.0,0.06805907630402297,0.0740102462966372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277020353000465,0.08319339166902877,0.1344460081486349,0.09875009953499174,0.0973221980794214,0.0802626109616414,0.0,0.0940777576437836,0.0,0.09210278695521053,0.08271580168865186,0.0,0.0,0.1462651411017139,0.0,0.0,0.14983166855518867,0.0,0.13584339034330706,0.0,0.0,0.0784951716008849,0.0764065995058384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232897566446988,0.0859922281421069,0.0,0.12030229803710392,0.0,0.0,0.0545283394278551
suicidewatch,sadbooleanzen,2018/02/23,"I can't handle this anymore. I have to be vague I've learned my lesson.

A week ago, a dear friend found a post I had made to vent about their actions from last year. This friend had angered me back then and I wanted a safe place to vent where I felt anon. and without judgements. I don't know how or why but two friends discovered this post and an onslaught of texts came to me. 

We have resorted to waiting two weeks before calling to talk about the issue but I can't get myself out of this rut. I knew I was in the wrong for making a post about this friend but I feel like they are in the wrong for taking my old post and invading my privacy. I am just scared now I don't want to go to school and I don't want to see people anymore.

texts were sent from them saying they don't need to turn our friend group against me because everyone knows how I act and I was only her friend for some time which excused the other bullshit I did. 

I didn't know my friends didn't like me like this. I feel like my 4 years have been a lie. I feel like nobody cares for me anymore and everyone would be better off without me. I can't stop crying and wishing I could go back in time and change something. I just want all the pain to go away.I want to be happy again. I'm sorry for the long post.I don't wanna be here anymore.",1.4200000000000017,3.107459702508965,2.550213620071684,96.65598709677424,79.21505376344086,5.324215053763441,20.83741935483871,5.927762680638738,-0.12722004301075265,1023,27,238,6,25,326,140,279,0.112,0.6759999999999999,0.212,0.9873,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,4,2,13,22,1,1,13,0,28,1,0,4,1,50,58,16,0,10,8,0,4,5,7,1,1,1,0,0,8,12,0,3,11,0,0,7,12,5,0,2,15,6,41,17,33,37,2,34,0,0,1,0,20,7,0,2,21,151,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186636891084805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32161073033475085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617080109542222,0.1246803452611607,0.0,0.04942137999319656,0.0,0.06898719592122493,0.0,0.0,0.07170252614324701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827846505806094,0.09272597335585513,0.08265937972769573,0.0,0.08576453909012932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473023503050676,0.0,0.08905494070108191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493755094943626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297891315885688,0.17375581359768572,0.07784284385163219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889241688501154,0.43845787193701335,0.0,0.04235732349191588,0.0,0.13822705130569668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863037713783291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461920282532001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336668873716217,0.06608535803853602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804099019316254,0.0,0.0,0.07174709978075917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671328204639202,0.05411689173817706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011464076910445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507253009610707,0.0,0.0,0.06165970932124549,0.08626744338023826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056205846192614935,0.0,0.08470408379796536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388227865669304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447254496729432,0.08116826833869177,0.08205025688585761,0.06460472586339533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241399628395805,0.0,0.09075464414134003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677807016649387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060956845421980335,0.06516344818764566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094548697161688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818419983961588,0.15839318281548384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390949329361627,0.0,0.1300638240919965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315581930398002,0.0,0.09323000869809013,0.1563030580172263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759197002598861,0.17728131055502214,0.0,0.10441677477939436
suicidewatch,BoydBoydBoyd,2018/02/23,"When is it Time to Go to the Hospital? I've been hospitalized twice for being acutely suicidal. I'm heading down that path again. My threshold for going to the hospital is usually pretty high - I have a suicide note, all of my affairs are in order, and I have acquired the means. I'm debating if I should buy the means or go to the hospital before it comes to that. Part of me hopes things will turn around before I get to that point so I can avoid the hospital.

How did you know it was time to go to the hospital??",3.1650714285714305,4.45635659047619,4.812559523809528,83.93598214285716,73.57142857142857,8.678571428571429,27.410714285714285,9.188382445141503,2.2149285714285707,402,15,84,9,8,136,66,105,0.11,0.835,0.055,-0.7917,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,8,0,12,1,1,1,1,13,25,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,9,1,15,19,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209597785428795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098851426704864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685177242227985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951329087822362,0.0,0.4139368080582983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687372858207352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238484531910208,0.0,0.18085341304557812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007021812852794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966921081845293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718240761842146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213101036983885,0.0,0.0,0.18524787550947847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39834710850586746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209704694381936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123527135579949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805829896163746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054303513119426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imjustathrowaway4,2018/02/23,"Everything is coming apart I feel like I'm such a drag on everyone. My grades are slowly dropping, I feel like I'm annoying my friends with my emotional highs and lows, I keep forgetting family obligations, and every night I go to bed feeling fucking worthless and numb. 
I recently started cutting myself, and it got really bad really fast, and every time I do it I start hating myself even more, resulting in this awful cycle that ends with this horrible aching numbness. 
I don't want to die. But this isn't living, that's for sure. I might kill myself tonight, who the fuck knows. I'm just stressed and tired and so done. I just want it to stop.",3.5816581818181845,5.7264238640000045,4.606618181818182,82.27530909090909,74.36,8.385454545454545,26.56363636363637,9.095868883498916,2.3688400000000005,513,19,95,12,11,167,84,125,0.345,0.545,0.111,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,16,6,1,2,1,7,5,0,1,1,25,25,9,2,2,3,0,3,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,9,10,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,12,0,0,2,3,16,4,8,22,1,17,0,2,0,2,2,5,2,1,11,56,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278522639913942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699214024061132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505029350187886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274513355807832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888979584183848,0.14085530703769455,0.0,0.0,0.10503925413402616,0.0,0.2679829390384433,0.15196206188000932,0.14292786772185015,0.0,0.14992138453533935,0.0,0.24123434373222225,0.2272252404158189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286786673317532,0.2940453731139934,0.0,0.0,0.0903816520281454,0.0,0.12719256113712726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701135188906334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802622822245614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135510747659238,0.17594554310521748,0.0,0.08739992633850918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553901789312938,0.0,0.14042832735774152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870800990711438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924092653333335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037601717972816,0.0,0.15702509063771772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512758917356016,0.0,0.0,0.13295802234591012,0.1821708233366934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498859463146628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273294227716056,0.1827840947864038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876025987058448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darklund,2018/02/23,"Not sure how I feel. Life is getting hard, my girlfriend of 3 years left me with no reason given. She didn't want to try and work on things we never fought, so I don't know if I'm blind or stupid but I don't know why she left. The worst part is that's the good news without going too deep into detail I have a terminal disease and will be dead within a year at current estimates. She had no idea I am gonna die so that's not why she left. 

I feel life is getting overwhelming and I don't know where to turn. I will be falling asleep soon, I'm not going to kill myself but the thought keeps pushing into my thoughts.",1.6493643198906371,3.0168520225563924,3.0547778537252235,94.69656185919344,77.64661654135338,5.738619275461383,21.865345181134657,6.11248444174946,0.09712631578947306,481,13,112,3,11,157,86,133,0.221,0.7040000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9562,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,1,0,0,1,7,7,3,1,5,0,14,4,1,2,2,30,33,10,3,2,8,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,9,0,0,4,11,5,0,0,6,4,17,2,11,22,2,19,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,2,5,71,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648023158092059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058126952813387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592583082986465,0.0,0.18049171855281326,0.13318823816840458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422475553795605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925824274413674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114273031169394,0.17568119598477552,0.0,0.2618058403266582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175879687831914,0.0,0.2243207269310845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247113814222894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719576076666167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326590057826573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966075210056834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549517461595273,0.0,0.0,0.25212819481576604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781018840071953,0.17272144954163218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366036879600097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28657240584072835,0.0,0.0,0.15307101951157626,0.0,0.11560337197865185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451528424774665
suicidewatch,Motion_ambient,2018/02/23,"I’m suicidal and might actually follow through. I’m not smart enough for school, I’m unable to get a job because of social anxiety, the love of my life just left me, and none of my friends like talking to me. 

Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just end it right now. ",3.2955263157894734,4.094970438596492,4.45872807017544,88.47651315789473,72.68421052631578,7.805263157894737,26.530701754385966,8.07648339933343,1.3651438596491223,213,7,48,3,4,70,44,57,0.17,0.6809999999999999,0.149,-0.1058,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,9,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,7,7,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,27,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.2296077054059965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799951135030071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434297295707509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839583736994735,0.24311599138961915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178336700417635,0.0,0.12292856764871085,0.2257102379093191,0.0,0.19734889093290545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348760200492594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556417218323848,0.0,0.16619127665439162,0.11495011135358553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235712243384386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24960399245874185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943762564674632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419158391865129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093515482180505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812459623687696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398470684803563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573675087961545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911604153381176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231133935841168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Noctuary68,2018/02/23,"Still don't have a reason not to. I still have sleep apnea that resists treatment.  I am tired, worn out, EXHAUSTED everyday.  I have no job and will be evicted in a few days.  I am 49 years old.  Contrary to what is often claimed by suicide prevention, it doesn't get better, not this.  My only hope is death.",1.1494379391100686,3.5522103606557422,2.703653395784542,91.19983606557379,84.7377049180328,5.4529274004683845,23.46838407494145,6.868970318607317,0.8741597189695551,236,9,48,3,7,77,49,61,0.308,0.65,0.042,-0.9548,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,11,3,1,1,0,8,14,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,5,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485296588539748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122758272291795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468156245483236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791053813855469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788581105947922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29487171540359003,0.0,0.0,0.2137200367533724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889240938672254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812119801588461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488283627465079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073782788255717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32297855199154785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096060773863865
suicidewatch,CollegeContemplative,2018/02/23,"Found something worrying on another forum On UMD's forum, there's a throwaway account that says

""If you are about to end it and the police come, what exactly do they do to the student? Asking for a friend.""

Not sure if it's true or not, but I figured this was the place to ask someone experienced to help them.

Link:
https://www.reddit.com/r/UMD/comments/7taam8/new_terpclass_of_2022_megathread/

",10.5615625,12.300482031250002,7.6125000000000025,68.9825,56.8125,9.525,33.1875,9.516144504307137,3.0375437500000007,326,11,49,5,4,92,50,64,0.051,0.862,0.087,0.5055,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,3,14,8,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,4,3,8,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,1,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872626652683297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122164691047784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23598547849409315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426402490780913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300374339722338,0.2116547144358087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362431930654996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862216388548825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178577071407666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321187270144312,0.2109017122065386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25819661404282485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782116575300917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tylerorsomething,2018/02/23,"Keep slipping in and out of wanting to do it I have a decent life, but I always feel pointless and worthless inside. My grades suck and I'm lazy. I'm not super depressed, but I think about suicide daily. I have aspergers syndrome if that helps. Please either give me a reason to put it to rest or how to do it in a way that will hurt me and others the least.",1.4483428571428585,3.3107622533333334,3.063238095238095,92.184,79.8,4.819047619047621,21.38095238095238,5.288315135182226,-0.014504761904762463,279,8,59,1,7,92,53,75,0.28,0.613,0.107,-0.9591,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,0,17,13,9,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,9,12,3,5,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,2,0,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24696159923121055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556336360070341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007113340054054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28471786189297965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893896342488487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31773082556796256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638097154339878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963880678426866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32579756692375017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983662462225135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305160107619496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246513206662936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017762752757286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506048795393195,0.2355862379007913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dest_Cupcake21,2018/02/23,"I'm not sure what to do anymore... I feel so worthless and alone, I've been dealing with these feelings for a long time now... I feel like no one cares if i live or die. It's so hard, i have a bf that i know loves me, but he just doesn't understand me, I tried reaching out to someone but it doesn't help... even the mental health clinic won't return my calls... it's like the world just wants me to die. I'm so far behind in school i know i'm gonna fail... there's just nothing that'll make me happy anymore.",-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,1.4303571428571438,101.43130952380956,86.5,4.090476190476192,17.36904761904762,4.7782277997778095,-0.9607166666666664,388,9,98,1,12,127,75,112,0.146,0.7040000000000001,0.15,0.3335,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,1,1,20,21,8,2,2,8,0,4,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,4,12,6,8,17,0,8,0,2,0,1,6,4,0,2,6,54,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846311433690079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535864872711358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203082818970984,0.0,0.1817553766785423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837857418598916,0.0,0.0,0.3700265915238636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774385964051665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27041188499526714,0.127354183133123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976883842247388,0.15969247098031547,0.0,0.0,0.18948978647616585,0.0,0.0,0.11948880258703112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594207411759107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418478042747434,0.0,0.15741327756254767,0.15776093637774466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608931836071493,0.0,0.11899479617373195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965149311110415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105226665689488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207985250650656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804160083947915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510452910252994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801480523120707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394908674429684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103178389692085,0.0,0.0,0.18558252932101788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514666270398468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlimSkillz_Gaming,2018/02/23,"My clock stopped and there are no more batteries to replace it. Goodbye, and good luck to all who brave another day. Hey everyone,
I've observed this sub for a while now and ever since I've always been striking out on my posts whenever I feel I can push myself to see the sunlight glistening on my soulless body the next day. Unfortunately or finally, today's light will be the last. I'm at a position where my deeds and guilt has taken over me and I cannot change how I am perceived by others. I have lied because I wanted people to be happy, I delayed by work because I had so much thoughts in my private life no one would understand. I lost all my friends because I guess I was the annoying one until they just stopped talking and avoided me. I feel that the overall satisfaction in the world would increase if I left, then nobody needed to think about me or worry about, nor I cause trouble for anyone anytime. I sincerely thank every support I get throughout the day because 'my clock has run out of time'. I wrote something that I've polished over the year and I hope you guys find this acceptable. I have nobody to tell this to so I hope the online world would be a good place. And a reminder I've already made my mind up about today and I've made my arrangements as required. 

Good luck and may good fortune come to the other peers of this world. I really hope success and happiness comes to you without any hesitations.

> I’m sorry. To everyone who believed in me, I apologize profusely. You didn’t deserve seeing me in turmoil. You didn’t deserve to be affected by my negativity. It hurt me even more, knowing what I put you through. The way you looked at me—afraid, helpless, hopeless. The way I stared back into your eyes, defeated. Don’t be angry because this was nothing personal. Know that I’m gone because I chose to do so. For once, I finished something I started. For once I was brave enough to go through with something risky and dangerous.

> Don’t be disappointed. I didn’t give up, no, on the contrary all I ever wanted was a reason to persevere. All I ever wanted was to really live, but I didn’t know how.

> All of you always did (and still do) such an excellent job at living, and I was happy for every one of you. Your lit up, elated smiling faces made me smile, although it broke my heart all at once. I felt bad and guilty because you loved me. I tried numerous times to push you away, to make you un-love me so I could take the plunge quicker. My attempts always failed. Your compassion pained me as much as it consoled me. I often wished that having you in my life, and all the other privileges I had was enough, but I could never find what I was looking for. Perhaps it didn’t even exist.

> I believe in a higher entity, but I don’t think he likes me too much. I think he often looks down and cringes, embarrassed that he moulded a mistake. Maybe I’m in hell right now, but you all knew I never believed in hell. The concept was created to keep us on track, and motivate us to do good. What if earth is hell? It sure felt that way.

> What if everything we wanted was actually nothing? What if all the things we think are tangible, are actually figments of our imagination? What if life is actually death, and when we die we are truly alive? Wouldn’t that make more sense?

> For if this is life, surely some of us wouldn’t inexplicably yearn for death so badly?

> I didn’t die because I wanted it to stop, although towards the end I probably partially did. Please understand this. I did it because I had a burning desire in the depths of my soul for something more—a kind of wanderlust for an unknown abyss, a whole world yet to be discovered. Isn’t that what we’re always told? That the unknown is exciting and enthralling?

> Who said death had to be this morbid. If you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration? Could you celebrate it for me? Could all of you dance, and sing my favorite songs around my soulless body?

> Again, please don’t cry. Don’t mourn. Don’t grieve. I am happy now. Happy. Truly happy. Believe this.
Goodbye.",2.837487325835152,4.984167177639751,4.0438719153936535,85.44561985898945,76.60248447204971,6.935202283028373,26.77899949639081,7.917944638633933,1.7132313244921944,3218,128,626,52,74,1050,338,805,0.16,0.665,0.175,0.9247,1,1,4,0,0,1,119.0,8,18,1,10,33,57,5,4,32,0,71,11,5,11,17,135,128,52,8,30,16,0,4,1,1,7,5,2,0,2,42,32,0,8,22,3,0,10,24,25,0,3,37,15,108,32,85,72,21,89,4,11,8,1,45,38,3,20,38,434,150,7,0.0,0.0,0.1475463948911172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561652461620965,0.0,0.1677439457117116,0.0,0.0,0.034273032766622274,0.0528477219867271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524013670933389,0.0,0.0,0.04486577493267938,0.0,0.0,0.047351498134457326,0.03875370254174836,0.08416208163005265,0.2765047385620466,0.0,0.0,0.2271295546143246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196380411862224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177363264586047,0.05331543523667781,0.08682851249542829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609579292437943,0.0,0.11072181985295984,0.09750951271760497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046123627715508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463853461114183,0.10415123193562006,0.0,0.06657609826423469,0.13676628088395495,0.08492662400190427,0.09631676507575204,0.04529535098376607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096647440816767,0.0,0.09678184349942297,0.05520961606591624,0.09212750425583896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893812478288982,0.0,0.026331385458260585,0.04834729135744801,0.028642900201061406,0.21136135465941286,0.0,0.0,0.05552015544273597,0.04990291116728187,0.0,0.3219038905182145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972303067158781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017266867911674,0.0,0.0,0.05395314749431092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001320820466841,0.04479692664946549,0.0,0.052482779174817536,0.08309387950491763,0.041081893099122815,0.0,0.0,0.054758636218865474,0.0,0.14239315235145344,0.024622394520782315,0.0,0.08900644048102174,0.0,0.12696734268318907,0.0,0.05501643719507785,0.0,0.045487044651749985,0.14306619253579594,0.06728341730245829,0.0,0.05063254670407003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050888599862434436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114714171998072,0.037370203008182536,0.07774159646647325,0.0,0.053599884041235966,0.0,0.0,0.09671835582796544,0.0,0.0,0.16101979769538835,0.10245495390749453,0.0,0.053628065158018295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03494030498381027,0.04400644293247912,0.05265620432317236,0.1659688273881204,0.0,0.0,0.04826828861614586,0.0,0.05433862164662885,0.0,0.0,0.050664892400639434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457375069802007,0.051818542523670685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043040451173626766,0.04794096858930472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032291933927264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416905547680274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519837975192213,0.0,0.056417528776788316,0.03567265548098077,0.0,0.04024868831378497,0.1685432067029917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719216209844742,0.09500087917170652,0.0,0.03789375864204709,0.04050878881300817,0.044050927518274004,0.04640060691135833,0.0,0.0,0.0334828410128314,0.12917451833351948,0.0,0.04001115829515818,0.05877609783384705,0.0,0.09554467482050086,0.04815838253787602,0.0,0.03421759725907718,0.0,0.0,0.10493422541033907,0.1818712924128164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863311279478345,0.1200130867224189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056268658218917744,0.05795633654177711,0.04858281555186025,0.0,0.03669105566770716,0.051182607795144566,0.0,0.10740596220705424,0.0,0.0,0.03245528893662698
suicidewatch,obviousthrowawaybngl,2018/02/23,"can't do this anymore. Throwaway account, obviously. I've been going to therapy for over a year. I found out I have complex ptsd from a traumatic childhood as well as rape and sexual assault as an adult. I am also hypochondriac with a phobia of doctors. I've always thought I would be either dead or 'cured' - happy and fulfilled - by this age, but it turns out it's neither one of those things. I just keep slogging along. I'm afraid of human relationships, afraid of vulnerability, have convinced myself that my art is worthless and that the degree I'm working towards is useless. I hate my job. I'm half-convinced I'm about to die of some illness pretty constantly, and I just feel so alone and like I will never be able to dig myself out of this hole. I feel like I must be a burden on my so-called friends. I have one casual relationship that's been going on for a long time, but they've suddenly started ignoring me and I don't know why but I'm blaming myself and it makes me feel sick.

For a few months I thought I might be slowly digging myself out: I was exercising regularly. Working on art. Keeping up in school. Being social. And then...over the past week or two I have just spiraled down into the worst depression I've experienced since I was a teenager. I'm fairly actively suicidal. I met with my therapist a few days ago but I didn't want to be quite honest with him because he started assessing me for possible medical intervention -- and the last thing I need is to be admitted somewhere. I don't have the luxury of taking time off of school and work. I have no family to support me or help me out. I'm stuck in my daily grind until I can die. I've been cutting - something I hadn't done in so many years. I've been basically just sitting in my room drinking, cutting myself, feeling this wrenching agony of existence and trying to do anything to numb that out. I've written notes to all the important people in my life. I have a plan for how to do it. I've deleted my facebook account. I've been cleaning my room up and organizing so it's easier for people to pack up my belongings once I'm gone. I just have to find a good home for my pet first and then everything will be in order.

I can't stand feeling like this anymore and nothing has worked. All my therapy and work and fucking progress just vanishes overnight and I'm left worse off than before. I hate my brain. I can't keep existing like this.",2.7779880929880925,4.889829043659045,4.3985650160650165,82.99783240408242,76.65072765072766,7.366490266490268,27.77173502173502,8.296473431620573,2.0765837837837844,1914,81,369,36,44,641,236,481,0.195,0.6759999999999999,0.129,-0.9906,1,1,2,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,0,9,13,28,7,2,17,0,45,11,1,2,5,70,84,34,4,4,14,0,5,4,1,5,7,0,5,2,18,28,1,4,12,5,2,3,10,16,1,4,17,6,53,12,64,54,8,54,0,3,0,2,11,27,1,5,25,248,71,9,0.08912522972516368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900413864271119,0.0,0.0,0.0923068592323348,0.0,0.07127341401115479,0.07415933080462964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677655844745827,0.0,0.0,0.07334247010208618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054329912809985316,0.0,0.07583900611276921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994932318564426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963127110149762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057478400026437726,0.0,0.07676342976580505,0.0,0.1849958347912573,0.0,0.0,0.09122344918304952,0.0,0.09120605362767392,0.0,0.08730879480133323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010000964898943,0.0,0.08401933464256603,0.0,0.22532197031282236,0.12734216384743974,0.0,0.0,0.0814588453291245,0.07580987487457952,0.0,0.09772121416877437,0.06885793140097013,0.08239483873609517,0.0,0.0,0.10130384388907106,0.07475401417558372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487546431934936,0.0,0.17598542540059453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059738762805564435,0.0,0.08939987224139141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844303825367497,0.2376557977100091,0.0,0.0,0.048980895430830736,0.0726489576119604,0.0,0.0,0.09683482287329302,0.0,0.06295178550106204,0.1741683414178861,0.0,0.0,0.07887302369934976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594917829102976,0.09035899418336787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978429249838353,0.0,0.09454778439513363,0.0,0.0,0.07113890806233575,0.0,0.0,0.06608522853952359,0.06873887156017572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551806164203267,0.0,0.0,0.09491546092446652,0.12078712448169132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508011650261846,0.12357642475692047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047530520328232,0.0,0.09067239972895212,0.0,0.0,0.10418262414015694,0.0,0.0,0.09479565245408532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137428507742665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803989813015828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737253110233668,0.0,0.0,0.0908519478999678,0.0,0.06861295610719474,0.0,0.0,0.12616659264902153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748853570919412,0.10113825451035974,0.0,0.0,0.0670110809816288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384493506302892,0.10348126103739598,0.11842168478458635,0.0,0.0,0.1415109540340267,0.10393927635770916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060510180649657276,0.09694265698700023,0.08706239903909957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256836964697965,0.0,0.0714908833345427,0.0,0.08013428503271923,0.0,0.0804216572842648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244211435814106,0.0,0.09082622327133408,0.06331200606899258,0.0,0.0,0.1147874517151346
suicidewatch,youngsuicidalgod,2018/02/23,"After an ugly fight, I’m debating between homelessness and suicide. To start things off, my life hasn’t been the best. 

After being bullied as a kid, I was forced to move with my (abusive) mom to Missouri for middle school and high school. I was still bullied, still mentally ill, still disabled, etc. To make matters worse, we were homeless twice. 

A year ago, my mom got arrested. With me being underage, I was sent to live with my dad in my hometown. It’s been fine for the most part. Like any parent and child, we don’t necessarily agree on everything, but our fights are definitely ugly. Tonight was probably the worst of them all. 

He flat out called me selfish, lazy, and all around stupid for not getting a job and allegedly spending his money. After that, he tried to guilt trip me by saying that he won’t be around forever, and that he’s only “toughening me up” by yelling at me. After he caught me crying, he called me a crybaby and told me to man the fuck up.

During all of that, I had an anxiety attack. I initially started thinking about running away and being homeless again, living in the streets and stealing to survive. I also started to think about killing myself — if I did it, I wouldn’t be an inconvenience to him or anyone, really. 

I’m seriously considering just taking his rifle and blowing my brains out. ",5.4866557300210905,6.581431581673311,6.1052870869463325,77.58826576048747,67.84462151394422,8.933770799156319,31.896179985938602,9.168548406835145,2.8311090227325995,1041,43,188,19,17,339,155,251,0.272,0.679,0.05,-0.9968,2,0,0,1,3,2,39.0,3,0,1,2,10,14,6,1,12,0,19,4,1,1,3,33,34,15,2,2,5,4,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,3,7,19,0,0,2,0,2,5,5,11,0,1,13,2,30,3,40,14,8,34,0,0,0,1,27,15,1,3,15,137,37,3,0.0,0.14960455648140794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192718579512376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097487029580172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586520620136619,0.0,0.09659314029517932,0.0,0.0,0.08828811928362948,0.0,0.0,0.2248070103519041,0.0,0.14364579725502813,0.11863105838764346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325083713829716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095460869100646,0.2578633958260721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869726611885533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081996093309082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113479734305043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673087742252115,0.06596877076320737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098645053257567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133406955822429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529951651865268,0.0,0.1396946152068301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918540614406413,0.06168718703987412,0.0,0.22299037313661574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428353189441898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272464245192955,0.0,0.0,0.2957624137354857,0.0,0.1342007697761713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960309786881499,0.0,0.0,0.14020344447586028,0.13673376766490578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613609814331107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808892293926335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004117868844985,0.0,0.2555758551929502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26811516268333285,0.0,0.3025085592743353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381145043370993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949363139731519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388551627022155,0.16181230193716126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065256888985047,0.0,0.08572632204370642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286758357449404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131116075558904
suicidewatch,meggermcmac,2018/02/23,"I’ve had enough...but is this enough? I’m just done. I want the pain to end. But like many others, I want as little physical pain as possible. I don’t have a gun (although I’ve considered buying one), I don’t think I could jump off a bridge or hang myself, and I don’t have access to a garage...but I’ve been battling major depression, anxiety, and insomnia for more years than I can count. So I have pills. Right now I’m looking at 162, 5mg Valium; 16.5, 10mg Ambien; and a few Xanax. And a pretty substantial amount of alcohol.

Is this enough????? I don’t want to wake up in a hospital or psych ward - I just want to die. Please don’t comment if you aren’t going to answer my question. I’m beyond fixing. ",0.6884684684684679,2.6539955945945977,3.0877297297297304,90.4987117117117,82.91891891891892,6.91963963963964,19.32612612612613,8.021203637495839,0.7663282882882885,540,14,121,11,15,186,92,148,0.156,0.735,0.109,-0.885,1,0,1,1,0,3,35.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,7,0,16,7,1,0,0,18,26,12,1,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,1,3,6,4,0,1,3,1,13,1,15,22,6,13,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,4,4,72,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861696597420482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278581611074733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344405618758529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395351742166287,0.0,0.17346020890289385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103759263895074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803239949138058,0.5180867911902126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498692737321483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165393810273182,0.16751362807684905,0.0,0.0,0.14035168312287094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169449112462321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325530582358913,0.0,0.3556878035794681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346453330109866,0.0,0.18842010632086964,0.0,0.17003683803430172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722995375960094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427327603364756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709364716287832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943232728861661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762974948276542
suicidewatch,EmiNora,2018/02/23,"Broken. I've been dealing with depression, other mental disorders, and chronic medical disorders for years and it seems like no matter what, life only gets worse for me. Constantly in physical pain. I was physically assaulted by my sister and I got arrested for fighting back. Lost my job. No clue where to go as a career path. On the verge of becoming homeless. My bf won't speak to me. Have no friends. Have no family. Just now, my mother confirmed what I already knew about myself by telling me I'm a worthless piece of shit. Been falling apart and now I'm just broken. I used to try playing video games or my favorite music to try to lift my spirits but nothing works anymore. Can't even get help because insurance. Idk why I'm suddenly joining or posting here as some last resort. Maybe because the loneliness and pain I feel constantly is ripping me apart and I just want to scream. I'll probably just take this down after an hour because no one ever really cared about anything I've had to say before...or cared about me at all...",3.0974242424242417,5.650568590909092,4.242717171717172,82.27740909090913,77.73737373737373,7.394343434343433,28.58686868686869,8.395991825355821,2.454118383838384,823,37,146,17,20,268,132,198,0.226,0.6920000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9757,1,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,14,14,3,0,5,0,9,6,1,1,2,23,25,11,0,1,7,2,1,1,2,1,5,3,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,3,0,2,7,9,0,1,7,4,18,5,25,17,3,22,1,3,0,0,11,8,1,4,12,91,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803952481648658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133042248215596,0.0,0.0,0.11039526052281257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315422886901857,0.0,0.2453325421338413,0.14815980068709586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735528059933273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28994024360939064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830431403483767,0.11554449714913033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074985007074565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860580573116647,0.1213477191817544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646610243572387,0.0,0.06783103317784199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036451221985204,0.0,0.14017725191928046,0.0,0.07624139344182126,0.0,0.10729321581230684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991892792881546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211221248261806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331246716377746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935138387239847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475517733576144,0.06553965048794692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644221794976425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477322083757934,0.0,0.0,0.13514353071854776,0.13519316715552027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872198988167982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090453359695624,0.10202826682903432,0.2854933255037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284800616318382,0.0,0.1446380151090069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594089108335813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668266350070993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212649438111052,0.0,0.0,0.13770459501342378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086523855257744,0.0,0.11725433084019285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821601358068074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586383037011393,0.0,0.0,0.0791260350839037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105086991500473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766389546173704,0.0,0.13671184739736306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638917273445909
suicidewatch,CharacterPeace,2018/02/23,"I'm not there yet, but I think that in a year from now I will be at the point that I will commit suicide. I hate school, I have a lot of debt, I lost a lot of trust in people. I don't have any motivation in my life anymore for anything. I have been feeling this for the past month now. I paint, make music, play videogames, talk with people. It's not like I don't have anyone or anything to do. It's just all empty. 

I want to get better sure, but I went to two therapists now in my life and I refuse to go again. I really would like to end my life. Tell me why I shouldn't? 

I have family and friends who love and care about me. But I'm at a point that I don't care anymore. ",0.035342857142858015,1.5468069533333342,2.119238095238096,98.95200000000001,82.8,5.352380952380952,17.38095238095238,6.18269132825596,-0.6023047619047621,513,10,133,4,14,172,83,150,0.17800000000000002,0.593,0.228,0.8596,1,0,0,0,0,4,19.0,0,0,0,3,8,12,1,0,6,0,15,4,0,2,3,24,29,7,1,3,7,0,1,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,1,1,2,6,2,0,1,3,1,22,10,18,21,3,19,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,3,11,88,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132036353150113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29552208261000035,0.1041793846083787,0.0,0.2452171226624741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177221936715186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30381662973687185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319635932166187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045736024698965,0.0,0.07533534820390249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511163850312993,0.0,0.07784270406082232,0.0,0.08467616743255782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709976220871024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157145311348723,0.14558092835550204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264348284468005,0.2533370769844908,0.1344720186121755,0.0,0.09945399852921484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892480795993846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422306975448236,0.20658600170970934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816931274661429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544874449639662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078889170368048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297418252965584,0.0,0.1404241591199889,0.0,0.0,0.11975494659906318,0.13022646756834402,0.0,0.0,0.17299238112484053,0.0,0.09546871184175497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554453207496265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787994411660141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381180232502307,0.1344430271542904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584036736571442,0.0,0.0,0.09594662065568448
suicidewatch,sabrefan173,2018/02/23,"Been suicidal for the last couple months. Just want to put an end to my pain I have been chronically depressed and anxious for over 4 years now, I am 22 and I don’t have any friends, my first girlfriend who of only 4 months dumped me a month ago for me not being social and now is with a guy better looking than me, I’m still a virgin at 22, I’m in my 2nd year of community college. Looking at me you probably wouldn’t think I was suffering the way I am because I am a decent looking guy who is in really good shape but I am crippled my depression and social anxiety. I even am on Zoloft and see a therapist every couple weeks. I am boring, not funny or charismatic and I live life in constant disarray and struggle I have been strong for so long and don’t know how much longer I can go. I don’t like to go out and party like most 20 some year olds and I have been a loner and I hate it . It’s been a battle with myself and being in my head for many years now I don’t have any hope that things will change I feel it would be so much easier just to end it you know? ",2.397040842537886,3.3396869213973837,4.246062162856409,88.61300796301056,74.9825327510917,7.48430516311328,23.07757513485744,7.928766900206844,0.9384613922424858,831,22,189,12,17,283,123,229,0.166,0.711,0.123,-0.8498,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,3,10,16,3,1,10,0,30,6,1,1,0,32,45,17,1,4,6,0,1,2,2,3,4,0,0,2,8,15,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,9,0,1,6,5,29,7,23,33,4,34,0,3,4,1,10,10,0,4,22,131,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247476884618592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572275242142009,0.0,0.08843570624561296,0.1305980827414678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047029880061005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224114427336432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229226899390555,0.0,0.0,0.12492538957792627,0.0,0.0,0.25582425358860666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991367757748989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477925981195372,0.0,0.0,0.07635445609092062,0.0,0.09740021347551804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845217027982591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833154993516957,0.0,0.0,0.08931431599364621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139929330424271,0.09696201306125103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22892958517385936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413367766580555,0.11864166411291947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481950966052955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706437974984894,0.09423158414358383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165356623720584,0.11295522509166732,0.0,0.10207925259519468,0.1023047021415288,0.2912313170834291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720293646880678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768187825941378,0.0,0.16996248950901488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130552842558935,0.0,0.0,0.08792102002058819,0.1230093638139402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463920261868368,0.0,0.0,0.1162125868897316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405801392459697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212034014735533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356846747580827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232042083256113,0.0,0.0,0.12085298353921375,0.0,0.12645052947329974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422357976302435,0.07680125992865286,0.07407350644834243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818543459548353,0.09175999795115176,0.092729467976964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212080149938954,0.0,0.0,0.2977772502310895
suicidewatch,helensomething,2018/02/23,It's my birthday and I'm alone and heartbroken I'm 30 today. And I'm completely alone in the dark right now. I have cried so much that I can't breathe. My boyfriend has cheated on me for the last year and a half and I always believed he would change and things would be different like he promised but I'm just so stupid. It's my birthday and he's not here. Phone is off. No word in two days. I feel so stupid and hopeless and broken. I'm in so much unbelievable pain and I'm so completely crushed and humiliated and heartbroken. I just can't handle it anymore.,0.1403525641025638,2.5166080940170943,1.7849519230769246,95.28973557692308,91.991452991453,5.318162393162393,21.842414529914528,6.9077264865688965,0.5950004273504277,445,17,100,7,16,144,66,117,0.368,0.589,0.043,-0.9939,1,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,20,15,18,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,9,2,6,12,2,11,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,59,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112021427750108,0.0,0.0,0.1651799009696045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968729632622019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236577730378565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000193539458248,0.0,0.4162771871452178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180587700007749,0.1280253788868546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074053183531287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037485597220268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181574851993494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698411877272052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29186188166279986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112333403011037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953023090955946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188416044977674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816845947032612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391974408912646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820378981092512,0.0,0.0,0.12783677860315532
suicidewatch,aylarulez,2018/02/23,"fantasizing about killing myself daily for two months For some reason, I've acquired a distate for my life. All I want is to give my body and brain to someone who deserves it more. I'm so ungrateful for all the love and luck I've had.
But I can't stop the thoughts of my hopelessness in the world. I am trying so hard to make it better in every way I can-I'm vegan. I walk to school. Currently trying to volunteer. But when almost everyone is selfish, it's hard to find reasons to keep trying. (And my thinking this way just makes me hate myself because who am I to decide what's right or wrong? I mean, I'm not better than a non vegan.)
I'm starting to lose my connections to the world, the people around me, and my emotions. I would have killed myself sooner but I don't want anyone to have to find or see my body, especially without warning. I've considered going to therapy, but the therapists at my school made me cynical because I didn't think they were really listening, and I don't have the time to commute to a different therapist until I'm out of school in May. It's just a few more months, but it's getting worse every day. Posting on here is an act of desperation.
School is the one thing I really care about-my artwork. But since I have repetitive strain injury in my arm, hand, and shoulder-it hurts to create.
Does anyone have any sage advice for me? I feel helpless and pathetic. There has to be another alternative to an early death.",3.513335339250787,5.1401024186851245,4.989327516172711,81.67161576651122,73.2560553633218,8.347886264480215,26.75206860237701,8.964715089967882,2.1609562509402744,1145,41,222,24,23,384,157,289,0.193,0.7190000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9866,2,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,1,4,9,16,4,1,14,0,21,7,5,5,2,45,45,19,3,3,12,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,2,10,0,0,3,6,11,0,2,5,6,31,5,38,37,6,28,0,4,1,1,6,11,0,6,11,145,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722380927335034,0.0,0.0,0.09962827884923872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676589309326622,0.10432751592764554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913621195474832,0.0,0.0,0.08857022919683939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130051918540355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598767272945748,0.0,0.2210294998228883,0.0,0.11106755059435816,0.0,0.0,0.10144016292031098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416501890531097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394943790755698,0.0,0.0,0.08706735402628456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119166953957266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765497896891562,0.0950702174548179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050306857804859474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818703494928167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198120056118211,0.09544314531512793,0.056544398028938764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825310666919805,0.09822914471083427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650975374062527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843431472231593,0.2201494351455563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027513822480815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113076769507196,0.0,0.0,0.08979668748255283,0.09414307069050523,0.13282524821129688,0.0,0.0,0.10837749155646843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882938212001066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741930988267808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897620347062022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952871847658048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747605291572414,0.20459159325139475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496682896714741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027705726113021,0.0792833667345926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230197732432333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430044387105634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042194806065882,0.0,0.0,0.08318094622043988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377938587412845,0.2310390361511754,0.06609900101174307,0.12750272019549733,0.0,0.07898665443649669,0.05801540778300336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264848448616452,0.0,0.0971906051267268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736758262819978,0.1579464764782567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590809731722297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139228528669146,0.07067726423285141,0.10878042567383428,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_weneedmore,2018/02/23,"Undecided My head feels empty but my emotions run rampant. I hate being me. I hate being me. I hate that I hate myself. I hate how trite this sounds. I hate that my life isn’t bad on paper but my shitty self can’t recognize that. I hate how unproductive I am. I hate how few options I have. I hate how alone I feel. I hate how little self control I have. I hate me. I hate me. 

Everyday I open my eyes angry that I’m alive. I can’t bring myself to do it . My resistance is atrophying though and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out. I’m not sure if I should. ",-1.5091869918699174,0.4727304796748015,1.561178861788619,96.04063008130085,97.8617886178862,4.684552845528454,14.963414634146345,6.42735559955562,-0.4989707317073169,431,10,104,6,18,151,61,123,0.526,0.453,0.021,-0.9982,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,16,12,0,0,0,12,3,2,7,2,22,30,11,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,14,0,0,0,4,32,2,3,27,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,1,68,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248764739449099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649980246540285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932804106909491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895893045420571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054127024564754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9435890574811332,0.08173819967647958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625524179297645,0.0,0.07982467841236647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854784661388869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617309596853075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150127933544415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825028359383074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happyfishfish,2018/02/23,"Yeah, just like that I'm about to be homeless again, not sure what else to do",3.693529411764708,3.2111830588235293,3.5341176470588245,100.00352941176472,71.35294117647058,6.8000000000000025,22.882352941176467,3.1291,-0.3473058823529413,60,1,16,0,1,18,16,17,0.1,0.6609999999999999,0.239,0.4094,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6184019875447021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616593435508771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6976972846608409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ssqp781,2018/02/23,"This is either a fucked up love letter or a potential suicide note TLDR; first half is mostly impulse rambling, but it’s less suicidal by the end parts. Unrequited love sucks. You know who you are.

This thing in my head keeps growing, and I can’t get rid of it.
if I have to wait too much longer
I know it’ll kill me
I can’t wait it out
I don’t know how
I swear I can’t breathe please help
You don’t care.
I wanna die I want to end me
but I don’t wanna die
I need you here to tell me it’s okay
You’ve kept me breathing before
It’s why I feel so safe with you
You don’t care.
I can’t fix it
You won’t let me

You’re the only person alive that means something; my whole world
You said it once. Your world.
You loved me once, and I want that again

You were afraid we’d grow apart and then you just stopped
I wanted to try
I’m still desperately trying
I want you to try
It hurts
It won’t stop
It won’t stop and I just wanna love you with everything I have.
You don’t care.
Please don’t throw me away.
I want it to stop.

But I understand how this feels now
To want to die
Thinking of ways to do it
Shutting people out
The apathy.
Drowning.
I get it.
And I want to keep trying
To be better
To be your whole world all over again

I keep the ring, but I don’t wear it.
To think it means nothing at all after the promise you made. Before you had to leave. You said it would be worth it.
I believed that and I waited for you.

I know it was hell but you made it out.

2 months later I was damn happy to hug you again, and cry into you like you were the only man standing.
It was hell to let you go a second time.
I still waited. 
And then you came back for good finally.

Then you started to push me away. I know you were struggling with other things.

I remember the first time you came over to break things off. I didn’t react well. I thought that was it.

But you were brave to approach me directly. I was almost okay with letting you go, because you gave it to me straight. You needed time. So I stayed silent, even though I couldn’t sleep.

But you came back the next night to say that you fucked up and that you still loved me and I was so relieved that maybe I could help you through things, because I wanna support you however I can. 

But I’m shit at talking I don’t know
I wasn’t enough so you cut me off anyways. You quit talking altogether.
I panicked.
I’m prone to that, and the only way I knew how to cope was to solve the problem. 
False hope tends to keep me above water, but only for so long.

It just gets worse now, because the thought of you with anyone but me makes my stomach drop and my heart shatter into pieces and there’s no way out I can’t breathe anymore

You don’t care. Do you love her already?

It’s easier to be jealous, I think.
Anger replacing emptiness.

But this burning sensation in my head always comes back and wraps me up

suffocating me in it.

I’m obsessive
dramatic
crazy
whatever

I’m just crazy shit-bonkers for you in particular so I thought it would last, but I never wanted to put this much pressure on you.

Like shit I need more friends I just hate people and don’t connect easily
#introvertproblems

So yeah, I still have A LOT of growing up to do. You’ve shown me that at least, and that maybe I can be an adult for once.

But still I’m not gonna be just that 
//crazy ex girlfriend//
that never got over you. It’s bullshit.
As if at one point you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with me.
You brought it up first and I was all onboard even if it wouldn’t be for a while.

And the night you brought up the big L word with me is still my favorite memory. Right up there with you proposing. I know when I’d miss you the most I’d replay it in my head.
I don’t know how much it means for you but it means a lot to me.

With that said, I’m aware I can’t just change your feelings, but this way I can at least explain mine to the fullest extent that I can, without bombarding your phone with my bullshit and expecting an answer on the spot.

Not one of my brighter methods of communication, honestly... 

But that’s what I got for now.

—👻



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suicidewatch,nicholask21,2018/02/23,"I feel like a burden on everyone I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends because when I do I feel like they think, ""oh great now we gotta look out and worry about him"", and I don't want that. I also feel like there's no point for me to continue, I live a meaningless life, my job in the military makes me so depressed. A big thing too is that i feel like I'm incapable of being loved by a woman ever again. I hate myself. I want to end it all and lift a weight off of everyone's shoulders. ",2.7408701298701317,2.6820348272727266,4.69857142857143,89.36500000000002,73.45454545454545,8.467532467532468,24.80519480519481,8.418075326091056,1.1926103896103903,381,10,94,6,7,132,73,110,0.202,0.599,0.199,0.1815,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,0,9,11,1,0,6,0,5,4,1,1,2,16,19,6,0,2,0,0,6,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,7,19,8,13,17,1,12,0,1,1,1,7,6,0,0,11,60,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803591257769246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003732705272055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997577747278132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271279285650932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307300623487758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351292840683046,0.0,0.28207683816848683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731557518139265,0.527228445833889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403563143269115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272986008873608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457247458658395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647053008829405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042544622438048,0.3605502733141456,0.0,0.13033377568158633,0.0,0.1239470842089329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321504021551284,0.0,0.0985243513884704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952999921887882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863553616466906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980590857507459,0.094576317203965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411697110598887,0.0,0.0,0.17973741077526287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989527695118554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anti-assholes_police,2018/02/24,"Ever been in a situation where people think you're telling them you want to die just to get leverage on them? The story's long; it pretty much embarks my entire life. I'll give clarification if asked, but I need to make this quick so I at least get it off my chest.

I'm in a situation where I want to commit suicide and I want to tell others so I can get help. Alas, I just can't. Whenever I've actually come forth and did, they brush it aside. They think I say it so I don't have to take any responsibility in my life. Even when I've cut myself in front of them, even when I've told them how much I detest living, even when I've made it clear I just want motivation to go on, they mock me, ridicule me, scold me like if I were doing it just for their attention, to get them to maintain me like if I were a lazy slob looking to live off my parents for the rest of my life.

I've fought my depression for 5 long years, most of it alone. I have no friends, as I dropped out of highschool when I was 16 and cut all my ties with everyone out of shame. I've been 99% alone, the other 1% going to the therapist I had to convince my parents of hiring. The only thing pushing me forward is to bring happiness to others so they don't suffer like I do; to hope that whatever I can learn from my experience, I can use to help others overcome it.

But I'm exhausted. I have no money to pay for my therapist anymore, the last 2 jobs I did I ended up quitting out of extreme anxiety, I can't focus on my studies to end up in the career I want to be in which is making me really think about death now. I can't make any friends in real life, I'm not getting enjoyment out of anything. I've reached my emotional pit and I don't even see light anymore.

I just need ideas. Tips, hints, something to go on with or start with. Jobs where I could take it somewhat calmly or just don't have the sheer pressure of dealing with dozens of people all at once raging over me about how shitty their day has been and how I made it even worse, places where I could meet people. Please.",4.300331196581197,4.168484467592595,5.476111111111113,85.39538461538464,70.06481481481481,8.498005698005699,27.726495726495727,8.139509932561175,1.5150367521367532,1598,48,360,20,26,534,202,432,0.181,0.677,0.142,-0.9776,4,2,1,0,0,5,43.0,0,1,11,2,32,21,6,2,11,0,31,6,1,10,5,63,70,24,3,13,14,2,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,18,14,0,0,8,0,2,8,10,11,0,1,13,5,62,10,64,54,8,51,0,2,2,0,27,28,0,8,19,239,80,8,0.0,0.0,0.08188354087403163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380981505178736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412263707942465,0.0,0.06419051663613955,0.0,0.16643129873972112,0.0,0.0,0.06905034614924578,0.0,0.07844402965064423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228058053059355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339897717049594,0.0,0.0,0.05411466797349451,0.08650698148464522,0.0722711055348187,0.0,0.08708478464609043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438686242682898,0.1486377736068302,0.0,0.0,0.27710707541224405,0.07590092159971051,0.0,0.08017909664029671,0.0,0.08207956487089121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965650029893835,0.0,0.21919618019462372,0.08049361174031598,0.1430630604011497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932319354942403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124855010885318,0.0,0.0,0.08334103902046043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472358072614982,0.0,0.0,0.16653440761967278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839741916934783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707096712237735,0.1229817891980465,0.0,0.14818720266038665,0.1485144850097666,0.07046282358805367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879434306533766,0.16803067297599725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336623377041585,0.12443562098889065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936084948634967,0.0,0.06381693478676652,0.0,0.0,0.1863430779363724,0.0,0.0,0.1745167887066201,0.0,0.08766753932855507,0.09210740303942476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536609932488262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924805240793228,0.0,0.09550734959421073,0.053754556577673265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672818024941649,0.0,0.0,0.06686498562393722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863552505962705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645976112193969,0.0,0.0,0.059391556370815626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917833436334112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617896100788656,0.0,0.14668115449286726,0.0,0.0,0.19485072931541214,0.05574572491607402,0.1612974051939135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017909664029671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247084299946567,0.0,0.0,0.24745990389831446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551092085642625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054034949078531416
suicidewatch,LordApocalyptica,2018/02/24,"Ex Girlfriend broke up with me, didn't even wait her own guideline timeframe for us to start being friends again before she started seeing a guy I trusted her not to date. Sent her a very mean message about her behavior in a suicidal episode and instead of trying to help me she calls me a gaslighter About a month ago now, she started avoiding me. Told me she needed space to think about things. It was really heartbreaking. We tried to discuss things as maturely as possible (sometimes it got bad) but overall it went well. She cited first that her anxiety disorder was getting in the way of our relationship too much. It didn't make any sense; she always told me I was everything a partner should be, but was suddenly blaming me for not being there when she needed me most despite telling me I was perfect. Then her reason seemed to change to just not reeling the romance anymore. We officially broke up much to my heartbreak about three weeks ago now, with the guideline that in about three weeks we'd start trying to be friends.

A couple days ago, she messaged me that she didn't mean to, but started dating someone else. Someone I really trusted her not to date, who I'd met myself. That she wanted me to know so that I wouldn't think this was a long con.

Not only could she not exercise the self control to not see someone else before trying to be friends with me, but she had to start dating this specific dude.

I fucking flew off the handle. I'd been trying to play by her rules, but I couldn't any longer. I was looking at my ceiling trying to figure out how I could hang a noose. I was wondering how I could grab my brother's gun without anyone noticing. And so I sent her a really vile message about how much she's broken my trust and wounded me. About how I might not have been the best to her in her anxiety, but how she always condoned my behavior and that this sudden turn of events with her anxiety retroactively wounding her could not possibly be worse than me staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how to best kill myself. About how she broke her own promise of trying to be friends with me. About how she broke her promise that she'd take her anxiety treatment seriously if it ever did end up damaging our relationship.

I furthermore very heavily chastised her for finding a replacement for me. This dude doesn't just look like me. He acts like me. Before this, she wanted us to be friends because of our similarities. Its like someone made a cardboard cutot of me for her to run off with instead of tackling our relationship issues head on.

I needed to do this for myself in order to not die, even if it got ugly.

I told her how I was blocking her number and facebook messaging until she started acting less callous about every aspect of this situation, and she just full on blocked me. I relapsed and checked her twitter, and she indirectly called me a gaslighter, and posted about loving her replacement so specially.

And then the suicidal thoughts just kept coming back. I can't keep them out of my head. How can she be fucking serious? I *never* manipulated her feelings against her like that. Sometimes I could be insensitive, and sometimes I handled her anxiety attacks poorly, but I *never* before had weaponized her anxiety against her. If she was being mean to people as a result of an attack I would tell her her behavior was poor, but I never tried to twist her mind on her to bend to my will. I always tried my best to be as good as I could for her. For Christmas I bought her an anxiety blanket that she forgot she asked for. I'm not a saint, but I fucking cared. And despite all that, whenever I'm literally considering suicide and admonishing her in this state of mental fracture and need for survival, my pointing out of her failure to keep promises and constant praise of my behavior... amounts to me retroactively being classified as an emotional manipulator?! That's what it fucking boils down to?! I'm looking for ways to die, and in my worst emotions ever my sucidial thoughts amplifying every inch of my pain amounts to me gaslighting her when I point out her lies and false promises?! I may not have been able to handle every anxiety attack like she needed me to, but she told me I was handling everything great and promised to take it more seriously if it was destroying us, and she broke her promise. I now know I could've handled some things better, but how the hell am I a gaslighter when I did everything in my power to help her?! How the hell am I a gaslighter when 99% of the time she's the one who would talk about it causing problems in her life?! I barely ever brought it up!!!! And when I did, 50% of the time she fucking THANKED me for successfully helping her!!! I'M NOT A FUCKING ANGEL, BUT HOW DO I FUCKING DESERVE TO HAVE ALL MY EFFORT TO HELP AND HER PRAISE OF MY EFFORTS TO BE REDUCED TO THAT?!?!?

I really didn't feel like giving her an apology, but I sent a small one pointing out that I wasn't a gaslighter and that I was seriously mentally fucked up from her and just needed to stop playing by her rules for my physical and mental safety at all costs, but that in the end I wished her the best. I didn't want our four years to end on the most sour note possible.

My friends and family have been doing a decent job of keeping me afloat. One of my friends is coming to hang out tonight. Another told me earlier that everyone is on my side. I'm feeling a bit better, but the thoughts just keep coming back. I can't believe that you could be responsible for making someone consider suicide, and in the middle of their episodes treat their suicidal thoughts as nothing more than a planned out emotional manipulation. I can't believe the girl who was planning to marry me could so readily reclassify me as some chronically evil and manipulative person. I keep on thinking about how maybe she'd believe me if I just went through with it. I'm running on four hours of sleep right now because I just keep thinking about it.

I know I'm not a saint, and I may have handled things poorly in that state of wishing for death, but I don't deserve to be feeling like I should kill myself to prove to her how serious I am.",6.739991087344028,6.767457415824918,6.877401465636763,76.87204991087349,64.9090909090909,9.715508021390377,35.82075658546246,9.364050197923657,3.2433719152307385,4902,218,909,81,68,1576,403,1188,0.17800000000000002,0.691,0.132,-0.9965,2,2,0,1,0,4,117.0,11,1,3,18,63,81,19,1,47,0,86,19,3,26,11,200,184,84,10,31,44,2,5,7,9,9,6,0,0,5,48,48,1,14,25,3,6,16,31,37,1,8,53,12,204,44,164,94,24,125,7,8,6,9,144,49,10,15,61,692,252,2,0.03660706082401679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734985203049266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138002140824686,0.0,0.0,0.04978811333987164,0.03838569510241372,0.22403441065952934,0.0,0.03630436772674798,0.02559650808471192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034222660280487587,0.1249374493626227,0.0,0.056297140309313674,0.030565366710101887,0.04463064900773266,0.0,0.12459965009523123,0.12373086536769995,0.15366740743451973,0.06475194091519841,0.039965429274197384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475980403217382,0.0,0.03732333824279629,0.03760553534526063,0.038725416428764856,0.0946012244676143,0.0,0.039559227854149705,0.04105793147569746,0.2630498339189495,0.04050501652434975,0.0,0.023608525804909047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598469925156627,0.0,0.04195486319133969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611610040060365,0.12353404875400707,0.09726897101632004,0.0,0.0,0.04835723684969977,0.09933954692732247,0.09252908278146356,0.034979615378475444,0.09870019749515442,0.0,0.034509878999901634,0.0,0.07403851948692318,0.07845627470134263,0.0,0.0,0.0334581904003273,0.031137947236182992,0.0,0.0,0.1979776706942633,0.2707411028278728,0.019125678379832048,0.03511682841392224,0.0,0.030704265808948306,0.0585560213192293,0.04035941379275596,0.0,0.036246745569680716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513881108548927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814776490645584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605058098079392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820826068728648,0.036326859305687784,0.1952282259193819,0.08100057802897062,0.0,0.06035484981459668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025856649659408256,0.12519052577184475,0.0,0.0,0.03239609687223066,0.09222213410494083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033039301628752904,0.0346384860733861,0.04887099471703419,0.0,0.03677671292112248,0.11962746289491474,0.0,0.0,0.11067392171404296,0.038834306568429164,0.036962695932262576,0.0,0.02921940669799805,0.0,0.0807312053041659,0.16286203052775006,0.08470086618359095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512546215853424,0.0416773813781086,0.0,0.0,0.07441767543760304,0.02784131933400244,0.038952493706447364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025378726716560024,0.031963873511372275,0.0,0.0,0.10381651477928312,0.1238068823013556,0.035059445143161,0.0,0.0,0.03502801331703076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380568216491944,0.03763815542445993,0.0,0.11790685054476957,0.0,0.031262229926128184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834217588919841,0.03332569330913268,0.038189148142760025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114787014191847,0.036633498005544635,0.0,0.15508521920893487,0.0,0.1086159575852224,0.0,0.18137466246722986,0.0,0.0,0.03060514200455512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021091487538648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504790786945925,0.029423368839526,0.06399236936342023,0.03370286329302305,0.0,0.0,0.09728041837670416,0.09382530579079576,0.0,0.11624766898358188,0.04269174310533831,0.0,0.0,0.1748980768923772,0.0,0.2485379134892524,0.039817970194392066,0.0,0.0,0.1321013605883271,0.0,0.0,0.06040931796273154,0.06477537879073941,0.058113961927356975,0.058727952178313135,0.0,0.03291414401205869,0.06787022426862419,0.0,0.0,0.08419262666815706,0.03528790030834033,0.0396987959109794,0.0,0.0,0.037305722408373286,0.05200921140299198,0.0,0.0,0.023573746961032614
suicidewatch,reddit0981,2018/02/24,"I don't know how much more I can take of life in general. Some people will say this is bullshit or say I am lying or this is fake, that is up to you, you are free to think how you will but don't go blasting on my post about it. 

I am 37 and thing's just don't seem to get easier or better as time goes on. My entire life has been pure hell and shit. I am a guy and I suffered being raped and molested by two grown men when I was age 5 to 8. forced to have sex with my cousin, so her and I acted out sexually for years with each other. I basically grew up in incest. I was beaten daily till I was bleeding or my step dad got tired of hitting me. 

My mom never cared about anything other than having a guy to be with, didn't care what he did to me, hell even my own mom would be horrible to me at times. I started gaining weight when I was 5. I am now around 460 lbs, I found out I have thyroid issues, testosterone issues, found out genetics are also playing a role in my weight. It is much harder for me to lose weight because of these things. 

I have been homeless for a few years, I have seen and witnessed several suicides in my life, my mom's included. I suffer from PTSD and Rheumatoid Arthritis and am on disability because of it, unable to work. my life has not been good at all. Every time I try to make things better I always get knocked down and thrown back down, I tend to chase after things I want but I can never get it or I get close and then it blows up in my face. 

Past 8 years I have been rejected around 3000 times, told I am ugly, worthless, useless, told I have nothing to offer a woman or relationship, told I don't deserve love or a relationship, even told I needed to kill myself. 

Past 8 years I have been lead on by 20 women who seemed like they loved and wanted me, but then after 2 to 3 months of this they would either fake their death or call me having sex with someone or would ghost me then show up weeks later to stalk me. 

I get so lonely, no one to make friends with, no one to get close too, no one to build a connection or relationship with, no one to have a companionship with. this loneliness is surrounding me and swallowing me whole and is slowly sucking the life out of me. I honestly don't know if I can keep going anymore in life. especially with the  being single and being alone and made to feel like I am nothing but trash and not worth anything.

Now I am not saying I am ending my life right now, but I am coming pretty close to it. I struggle with suicidal tendencies and I think about it every day, and I am starting to feel like maybe it is just best if I wasn't around at times.  Hell not like anyone would miss me, all I have is my aunt in my life and she only wants me around because of the money I give her for rent and such. Otherwise she could care less if I was alive or dead. I am thinking maybe at times it is best if I am dead. ",3.9303319972115744,4.075670574503317,5.0659010108051605,87.05283548274662,70.90397350993378,7.94729871035204,25.16626002091321,7.669130373188453,1.0470370860927147,2233,56,500,24,38,740,263,604,0.241,0.6659999999999999,0.093,-0.9989,1,4,0,0,0,2,53.0,0,3,3,9,24,38,9,1,11,0,70,23,2,6,5,103,117,52,7,13,27,6,5,4,1,6,11,3,1,5,23,42,4,1,11,2,4,8,17,20,0,5,22,9,85,19,83,82,15,77,3,8,1,6,41,34,5,18,38,362,108,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287887601888363,0.0,0.04855101993850613,0.05051688905990023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060209562940957126,0.04245094078472832,0.0,0.0999208969478683,0.2161846726801896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668344919765867,0.0,0.1110276272025667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274260924958299,0.1073888985321824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619933000928205,0.0,0.1856984729779984,0.0,0.0,0.05229764107857715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847324784463042,0.0,0.0,0.03915393957809085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053772430144765064,0.0,0.0,0.08019883771746872,0.0,0.10230423100478007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139518711158805,0.08674471430542029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313420392015038,0.04690560774666365,0.0,0.1903157347126429,0.05824006925527692,0.06900756772694845,0.05092198378702767,0.048556587980384834,0.0,0.0,0.1202279970943894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673420972544475,0.0,0.05396323221500416,0.06716835612999783,0.0,0.06673098135290564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430590141281325,0.11864242416552265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792071649409903,0.0,0.0,0.1095891230451603,0.057446754702146274,0.08105088772099744,0.0,0.12198586286103515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331396818237805,0.048459395297066346,0.0,0.08925997781949567,0.04501685927323462,0.09364900980178066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650877605596133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455892201565106,0.046173884129232436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159121248785014,0.042089757769731236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814490104635338,0.06176549205884217,0.0,0.0,0.07096857547869126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554451388544386,0.0,0.05184734835707045,0.0,0.14484082978692395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053906482821957,0.0,0.0685867923119223,0.06231955331425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051440715549456166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594392229222159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346891400150931,0.0,0.13281720559231458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045647544375111884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133627549335866,0.11670456631386225,0.0,0.0,0.2124084253090744,0.06977901773942906,0.0,0.23205002435330355,0.0,0.04121917026093806,0.0,0.05930638135251876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742776945408386,0.0,0.048699158730541085,0.22179100640666694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778229885398603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419874543410783,0.0,0.0,0.17251102738091925,0.0,0.0,0.15638504017892527
suicidewatch,uselessname99999999,2018/02/24,"No money, no family, no friends, doctors only care about money I seriously don't see the point. I have been in pain for years due to a neck injury and from that I can not work. I can barely get out of bed a lot of days because of the pain and migraines that are caused from it. 

I turned to friends and talked to them for help. They called the police when i opened up about how i was feeling. I was taken to the hospital against my will. I spent 5 excruciatingly painful days there because they would not give me my meds for my neck and just accused me of faking for pills even though it's in my report that i have a cracked disc. After all and all now I have places calling me for money because i have a $13K bill from that call. After showing that to friends they have all left.

Recently called my pain clinic saying the pain is getting pretty bad and i need help. They told me there probably wouldn't be any changes to meds, but i have to come in. I sold my tv so i could afford the copay and they did nothing. I seen the doctor for 2 mins and told me there was nothing we could do. I said i was in pain and just needed anything to make it stop. Told me i was just chasing pills and removed all my pain meds. I have been off meds for month and all i do i cry in bed from the pain. I don't want meds I want the pain gone, but they don't care. 

People keep saying things will get better, just wait. I have waited two years now and it just gets worse and worse. Now that I have sold most of my positions to see doctors I have nothing left to sell and can afford to see one. I am in pain 24/7. I can't sleep and barely eat.

I have applied to so many things for finical help and have either been declined, never replied back to, or appointments contently rescheduled on me so i can never actually see anyone.

There is no help out there, no one cares, only thing people care about is money not helping.

I am tired of the pain, tired of being told I am a junkie because i hurt and actually tell my doctor i don't like taking meds and being alone. I will fix it so i will never have to hurt again.",2.7162922127453006,3.842805807780323,3.750746827543168,91.75778378753208,74.44622425629291,6.30383468552805,22.62457527217253,6.42735559955562,0.3043507246376809,1626,41,366,11,33,525,179,437,0.198,0.706,0.095,-0.9926,2,2,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,7,2,26,25,0,0,15,0,51,25,3,3,8,61,87,28,0,8,12,0,1,1,3,6,21,3,2,0,14,23,1,4,1,2,9,3,17,16,0,3,20,9,62,9,50,56,8,39,0,2,5,0,30,16,0,3,21,258,76,6,0.0,0.0,0.10124678997354172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372778720866642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03527739074383267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627283529375778,0.0,0.04268944539738506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988936481474538,0.04331420944996103,0.12649226801978616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458800176960654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118843749528712,0.0,0.21156374865097508,0.053290838937790116,0.05487782345755771,0.044686494245558116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283736957152722,0.0,0.05698323999247969,0.0669113275307556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123887263377105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530819962970303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03426354254465752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890398146607313,0.0,0.026230013619971727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023757443512885,0.0,0.10841206612356397,0.04976409004235043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738566105931399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106844725279456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610968326897062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272663377333708,0.0,0.0,0.025343944274589133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441030348845112,0.0,0.0,0.03462756591927213,0.05259402012209834,0.0,0.0,0.3457345803583385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140684827126235,0.0,0.0,0.07693064472426214,0.12002967585063044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493289747894892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030490448564324,0.07890791878493457,0.6071957636568784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192843423083134,0.0,0.05419927403695336,0.0,0.04903949305504509,0.0,0.0,0.05277643978845038,0.05593099394974639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122119266744949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934586014254811,0.08250759528612292,0.0,0.0,0.16535350288442738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191336392415887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043370575056538616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03900422059146903,0.0416958832107674,0.04534182292160063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339212817842117,0.0,0.050967808135450855,0.0,0.0,0.11924743106438138,0.0,0.1982785812913694,0.0,0.0,0.0564260824098732,0.050675216211994924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119549948483285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037766272871363,0.0,0.1057319474949626,0.0368511508041545,0.0,0.0,0.06681275726707259
suicidewatch,helpmeplease999_111,2018/02/24,"feeling suicidal I'm desperate
im having a breakdown. ive attempted to kill myself several times before and haven't succeeded. im breaking down right now. the pain of being so upset is worse than dying. im not entirely sure why im posting this, I'm desperate ",0.8411538461538477,3.3928588846153858,4.191153846153849,76.59134615384617,94.76923076923076,7.984615384615385,27.653846153846153,8.472884824447931,3.359300000000001,210,11,35,7,8,76,41,52,0.451,0.525,0.024,-0.9795,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,8,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,17,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463266677239404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885995132440219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188447723081504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7851669696027985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010492867540484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933658071963841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404015160247818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551902265868068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052949702739803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877518218043008,0.0,0.17127153134534234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059639907575164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639765072030334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519099652265247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadOrchid,2018/02/24,"I can't do anything right I have been miserable for about 6 years now. I think the last time I was not really depressed dates back to highschool. I'm 25 now and I have accomplished nothing. At all. My life is going nowhere.

I have severe social anxiety. Like you can't imagine. I can't even go to the grocery store without being extremely awkward and blushing. This social anxiety led to me shying away from people, leaving me without any social skills whatsoever. My brain does not generate any conversation topics anymore. It's just empty. I never know what to talk about and I am extremely self-aware. I mean really I cannot seem to keep a conversation going no matter how hard I try. This implies chances of me ever getting friends again are slim, let alone ever getting a girlfriend.

I am a virgin at 25 and whenever people talk about it, I just lie. Well, technically, one night I just got drunk af and wanted to get it over with and paid a prostitute, thinking it would make me feel like it's not that big a deal and actually help the situation. Boy, was I wrong. It was just the most awkward thing ever, I didn't enjoy a single second of it. I just did not know what to do at all. It was the worst mistake I ever made I think. Having done this makes me feel like a disgusting human being, and I think I will never be able to enjoy sex. The level of comfort and confidence you would need around other people is just something that will never be possible to me.

My job is also just terrible. (I am an auditor at a big four firm.) There is literally no joy in this job. All you do is look at invoices, bank statements, or contracts all the time. And somehow I even seem to fuck up in this job sometimes. When I notice I fucked up I just get so stressed it kills me inside, thinking I will get fired. I just feel inadequate and retarded. People at the firm don't like me either. I come across as unmotivated because I'm just so depressed so no matter how hard I work, people will always think I don't try. Sometimes I get so self-conscious I become stupid. Because I am so anxious I can't really listen to any of the explanation I am getting and all my brain is telling me is ""what is this person thinking right now? how am i reacting? do you look stupid right now?"" and my face just turns bright red.

I just want it all to end. I can't see the pieces ever falling together anyways. If only I wasn't too much of a coward to just end it all right now...

You probably didn't read the whole thing or cared anyway so long story short, I am a fuckup in every aspect of life and I wish I just didn't exist.",2.294404175463292,4.389309925287357,4.04936820705294,85.00490147783252,78.09961685823754,6.713331769489408,24.06302291031355,7.745696148679241,1.3133949018687936,2039,70,402,32,49,685,234,522,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.103,-0.9864,3,1,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,5,0,3,49,28,6,4,22,0,54,10,3,8,15,93,100,29,1,8,24,0,6,4,2,6,2,1,0,3,25,17,1,1,17,2,4,6,24,16,1,3,14,12,63,12,43,75,14,54,0,3,5,4,21,23,2,7,29,296,88,7,0.06666754707297977,0.0,0.06505790903394679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690474728873895,0.0,0.05331401330794059,0.05547273979056491,0.0,0.0,0.13600865441168186,0.0,0.10200098206745756,0.07531535202964254,0.06611629259210665,0.0,0.0,0.05486171079791248,0.05934825123572391,0.0,0.0,0.06263635503651513,0.05126322855702964,0.0,0.08127983581977648,0.07362906793894597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488460616300554,0.0,0.0,0.06797200740000134,0.0,0.0,0.057428188655328866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873131367007368,0.11484132121008762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834121970823631,0.06822404713361317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809531746065804,0.0,0.0,0.08806657217018406,0.3015230655830557,0.05617028375671335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011273448072723,0.09525461789948506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150718149258333,0.12326614600485655,0.2438172922086977,0.0,0.11366611006739882,0.0,0.05332012759059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944205467325772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044685851511438855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847176049598894,0.059257179027220726,0.07375776321739168,0.0,0.07327748072866158,0.05434294886345537,0.0,0.07059130631640367,0.0,0.06817208374662903,0.0941785201824897,0.13028158396792744,0.0,0.0,0.05899868125422656,0.11196789778104103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308244499430515,0.0890022107064022,0.0,0.0,0.0726205030236092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490083179649212,0.049433141413192855,0.15425436667977496,0.0,0.0,0.06256297674449776,0.0,0.06396930945021169,0.07590144421211432,0.0,0.0,0.045175655266330564,0.05070367370372796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23109441456694685,0.05821153061696035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515764234176882,0.0,0.0,0.07187889151866887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668558825802512,0.0,0.1281268133251732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277348837401448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312540354074805,0.12138326199456433,0.13909758249775211,0.07531535202964254,0.0,0.0,0.07493711617075413,0.0,0.20387750579619232,0.0,0.05132393481843898,0.13187181747988327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636744992596903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716969803092252,0.05827037463286853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858191186921492,0.2990251057275929,0.0,0.0,0.07774876564893257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052577657966038,0.07251514714733827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864449312045531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994213126914414,0.0,0.0,0.07443193547161986,0.07666438899015228,0.12853027268277462,0.0,0.048534768275782764,0.0,0.0,0.09471742531054872,0.07289049707743205,0.0,0.04293171453360916
suicidewatch,Darkestneon,2018/02/24,"I’m not that interested in living anymore. I’ve lost interest in playing the piano. I’ve lost interest in writing. I’ve lost interest in playing games. I have no interest in school. I’ve lost interest in everything I used to love doing. I’m tired of living. It’s boring. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I’ve got no interest in life anymore. Death doesn’t scare me. It makes me curious. I want to know what happens when I die. There’s honestly only one thing holding me back, it’s my girlfriend. She’s probably the only reason I’m not dead yet. She knows I want to die. Maybe she doesn’t understand the gravity of it. She doesn’t like when I say that I want to die. But I want to. I’m tired. Don’t dm me, I don’t want to know how much I deserve to live. Life isn’t precious. We’ll all end up in the grave. Let me be the next.",-1.259714285714285,0.7641938222222251,1.7326984126984148,94.09,99.66666666666666,5.460317460317461,19.20634920634921,7.021680442328713,0.5659682539682538,648,23,148,13,28,226,87,180,0.219,0.546,0.235,-0.2062,0,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,1,0,0,4,6,20,0,1,5,0,11,7,2,4,2,22,34,5,6,6,3,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,11,7,0,1,5,1,22,13,20,26,2,18,0,5,0,1,10,10,0,0,8,81,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959777165610755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513250151873615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447120487236098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806005275194912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995029192955968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854838001541837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790433447662304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253713475581987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321292447741195,0.15640163989181052,0.05408943923944495,0.0,0.2932883995251167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834311682110686,0.0,0.09992402387168707,0.0,0.07390268864654488,0.0,0.11122744606242868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138778654836072,0.0,0.0853897324019717,0.0,0.1177459677466663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502290918513371,0.1684065050169847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119368795404109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383279172726155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804449523857329,0.110844379090269,0.11204883342786047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735536949096857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25449971824171874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525754338555738,0.0,0.0956216514155224,0.0,0.0,0.3918131544857193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeedyMaleo,2018/02/24,"Since I'm hopeless anyway, can I do something crazy that has a chance to save me? I don't know, like playing a life or death game, sell my kidney, or something

or do something heroic to save someone

let's share ideas? :D

",4.177333333333333,4.831471177777779,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,70.55555555555556,6.0,28.333333333333336,3.1291,0.7463333333333337,173,6,36,0,3,54,34,45,0.222,0.461,0.317,0.7643,0,0,3,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,7,8,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35528457216009035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296382869310126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32182614624718325,0.2222985461486055,0.15375802598028313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603425673219659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666642369634287,0.7268686790145208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElephantsInRehab,2018/02/24,"I am not even a real human being. I don't know who I am. I don't trust my thoughts. Nothing makes sense. I don't know what is right, left, up, down, what is the color red, what grass is supposed to feel like, and most importantly: what is ""good"" and what is ""bad"". I don't know anything.

I don't remember when it started, but at a young age I checked out of reality. I stopped ""living"" and existed in my own fantasy realm. I barely notice details in the real world because I spend time in lala land where everything is perfect. I remembered doing this since I was 5 or 6 years old when I craved social validation but never received any.

Never in my years have I trusted myself or my thoughts. I watch a movie? Oh...that movie is good. I think? Then I have to ask 50 million people what THEY think of the fucking movie, look up critics, etc, to really determine if it was ""good"" or not because I'm too stupid to figure out what makes a ""good"" movie and what makes one shit. I can't figure anything out and I don't have any opinions whatsoever. I just keep quiet and agree with anyone smarter than me.

I am 24 years old now, and am the same 5 year old I once was. Nothing's changed. I still live in fairy land. Only now, I'm getting constant questions from people about what am I doing with my life, while watching my peers get ahead of themselves. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MYSELF. HOW ABOUT THAT, MOTHERFUCKER?

I failed. I failed my family. I failed this world. There are people out there suffering more than me, and I, the biggest piece of shit, just live like a frail Princess, unable to cope with shit. I can't do this. I don't deserve to live. I want to die.

I told myself I would never become a 30+ year old still living with my parents, unemployed, lonely, and depressed, but that's my destiny. Might as well end it now before I reach that point of misery.",2.0152345353268832,4.0859504406332485,3.273616974494285,90.3435008062152,78.89445910290237,5.794224567575491,23.192685429492826,6.816661863887847,0.670811726766344,1463,48,304,15,36,474,183,379,0.17800000000000002,0.74,0.08199999999999999,-0.993,3,2,0,0,0,1,69.0,0,0,1,5,19,22,5,0,11,0,37,5,3,4,4,61,61,22,1,3,11,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,20,17,0,2,15,1,2,1,15,12,1,2,6,7,53,10,37,52,6,52,0,6,5,1,9,22,4,8,31,205,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863513721422158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585028195396127,0.0,0.1314602259566123,0.0,0.07467210838112158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666920793701937,0.14607271757269102,0.08821538526097968,0.06796752867767103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844968938408781,0.0,0.0,0.08631622806608018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879600460804652,0.0,0.08289737927029216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074531987793342,0.0,0.08908145950637827,0.052756518655435465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717862743982184,0.0,0.07529880505430221,0.0,0.04038707325930405,0.0570625369239923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384291872655106,0.08346251969520732,0.0,0.0,0.26798060062628043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099634728093711,0.0,0.0,0.2194853667981062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678414892266857,0.0,0.05641789767117762,0.07804553584510522,0.0,0.35265433542336977,0.0,0.06707467251797132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995104636638746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473448660088001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481299255517333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299259288210148,0.09093793158686386,0.33526045242318475,0.08506400127060525,0.0541251973614703,0.060748346205201136,0.0,0.0,0.0886914566583737,0.0,0.0,0.16612528217460093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550745597422122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947799951202509,0.0,0.0,0.1818299032279253,0.051169809769126086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096504081423745,0.06821259955089985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459708472537323,0.06607321809834732,0.0,0.0,0.08142224813879301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056535758731367215,0.0,0.1275761560826525,0.06677886704461644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236102841626248,0.0,0.1268232578392514,0.04657560870506649,0.0,0.0,0.07632374599939344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047112196673657535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181699227343857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056740730248185565,0.0,0.0,0.257183599053376
suicidewatch,Prof_Smartass,2018/02/24,"Went to buy a gun to kill myself, now I want to die even more Becuse now I owe the state 2.5k for trying to buy a gun with a mental health history. I don't know what to do. I dont have 2.5k, I won't be able to make 2.5k. I just don't know what to do. help. talk me out it",-2.228896103896105,-0.8538525909090886,0.9598701298701292,104.97409090909092,90.06060606060606,4.377489177489178,10.943722943722944,5.288315135182226,-1.8311186147186145,203,1,61,1,7,72,40,66,0.208,0.73,0.062,-0.8859999999999999,1,0,0,2,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,7,14,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,10,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,38,11,0,0.2926830892524437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037588379435757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34302240081395796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331442009128272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111084373970692,0.0,0.0,0.1961793052311762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238104736504681,0.0,0.3217019430581921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536823479744087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294955714169196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352475805027392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987126053798523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263206919845211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27132015600341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thecaravanendshere,2018/02/24,"I'm gonna end this tomorrow morning I honestly don't know why I'm posting here, but I've browsed here for a long time on my regular account (this a throwaway). 

I'm a freshman in college and I'm completely exhausted of it all. I've failed to make any friends who care and failed to date anyone. This isn't really new for me, I've been depressed for years but I always put off suicide using the excuse ""get to college and itll get better!""

Surprise. It didn't. I also used to think maybe I was just associating with the wrong people. Maybe I do deserve friends and relationships and all that. But I've spent a good deal of time over the past few months thinking and I've realized I only drain others and that's why I don't have friends anymore. I am such a negative, sad sack of shit. But it's more than that. Because I do realize no one wants to hang out with a depressing person, I try to be positive when I'm with others but I just find myself so... boring. God damn. I can't seem to make conversations go anywhere, I never contribute anything (jokes, anecdotes or whatever, literally anything). I don't have any skills that would be interesting. I don't have the adventurous spirit that make people swoon. I don't have anything to offer. 

At one point, I was doing pre-med classes, but I dropped it because I have zero interest in it. I joined finance, because I honestly love it, and probably get my kicks from the gambling part. But I know I won't succeed because I can't make connections and network to get jobs in the field. 

I think it's best said by somebody I read a long time ago. ""Why don't you have friends? Think, would you hang out with you?"" And I did think about that. And the answer is clear. I wouldn't hang out with me. I'm boring, negative, unfunny, uncharismatic, and unattractive. Why would I hang out with someone like that? Surprise, what could I possibly offer to anyone? I know I wouldn't hang out with me, and honestly I'm so tired of trying to be better. I no longer blame people when they forget to invite me along. I've spent forever trying but I'm pretty sure my own depression locks away any energy I could spend on improving myself. 

Because there's only so many times you can get rejected from parties, left out of activities, rejected by women, and still want to do better. I've tried. I really have. But I've gotten nowhere. What's the point? 

For the last month I've basically gone to class, gambled pointlessly on stocks, bought lottery tickets, and drank to sleep every day. I've quit going to parties, hanging out with friends, going to club meetings and the like. Partly involuntary because no one invites me anymore to pregames or parties and partly because I feel so unwelcome by my own mind (""Look at you, you literally ruin everyone else's night, get out of here and drink to sleep"") I bought 4 dozen tickets for tonight. Naturally I won't win, but it's all that makes me feel like there's a glimmer of hope. 

I drove around trying to find a good place to hang myself but honestly I might do it in my house. I don't want to ruin my parents and crush them, but I can't live like I am so unwanted by the rest of society. It's crippling. I can't do this. ",2.7799077220610613,4.812724508661418,4.215524243680068,84.68155960768064,76.35433070866142,7.3537781461527825,27.045862688216605,8.261097354062574,1.8929895013123361,2513,101,497,46,57,832,266,635,0.172,0.635,0.193,0.8805,2,2,1,0,0,2,91.0,0,6,2,10,19,48,2,0,20,0,48,8,3,7,6,97,100,41,1,12,16,1,2,4,5,10,2,1,0,2,28,37,2,0,16,6,9,13,23,17,0,5,14,4,67,31,73,71,12,63,1,10,1,1,26,25,2,5,27,308,95,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056951505115995275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051378678034169296,0.05345904126388831,0.0,0.0,0.1310714469105183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743245158761424,0.08984664880732275,0.0,0.1586105791290993,0.05719386898373108,0.0,0.0,0.060362612359848626,0.0,0.0,0.27415262698322496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742375533807339,0.17046499689761752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655045768805534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736224926332464,0.0,0.0,0.10259275283749633,0.0,0.0,0.04143430267582441,0.06623631981189193,0.1660087536476898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293806070447241,0.0,0.0,0.05367051659397732,0.0,0.05690418819258593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413126390532432,0.061391210237036524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497090185642188,0.04589840494709617,0.0,0.0,0.11744204610558608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481871772689088,0.0,0.2013999061404296,0.0,0.10953995226015976,0.10777545819505538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381223364029186,0.0,0.07413295360956723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063755699791343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059261868291635,0.052370262522835616,0.0,0.0,0.06980506344376985,0.0,0.0,0.12555227305449876,0.0,0.05673169251192296,0.11371397726496076,0.0539516931226604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798584948489036,0.0,0.21442842343349056,0.06513684989064851,0.1290904368352246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815641204617133,0.06487162915752127,0.0,0.10256343417098224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495516091002691,0.062050606257940136,0.0,0.06029189775019279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060724392506332,0.0977261910982572,0.0,0.0,0.0713392115474325,0.2087212453358168,0.06133147925555394,0.13362331722749815,0.0560984121035874,0.06712493110302868,0.0,0.12146925032254142,0.07242936834226017,0.06153131600475175,0.06536277371994867,0.06926963842432453,0.0,0.0,0.06458645197558728,0.0,0.06833509204028304,0.0642648556363314,0.0,0.08231714804329836,0.0,0.0,0.06897773814702893,0.0,0.0,0.06111405588255407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058488483137950825,0.0,0.0,0.06594910403574744,0.0,0.0,0.1285877362253872,0.0,0.05443667229669565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130811202168556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027630369216471,0.0,0.060552479532992684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583592082967145,0.0,0.0,0.14985286419004692,0.07384301484326397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180990718994878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097837079894048,0.0,0.0,0.11368446606685588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318933921664461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691867664738394,0.0702445220070153,0.0,0.04137326383096813
suicidewatch,LoveWithTheInternet,2018/02/24,"Girlfriend and her mom kicked me out because I'm suicidal. I'm still suicidal I posted about this on r/Depression 

I'm 22, male. I got kicked out because I'm suicidal and was told that I need to stay with my dad who I have barely had contact with these past 3 years. They say staying with him and reconnecting with him will help me. I also don't have a car anymore since I used my girlfriends. I have no friends. My girlfriend is keeping our 6 month old daughter. i was kicked out of the house, and made to sleep outside until i got a hold of my dad. i was not allowed inside to get my things.

My dad drove down to come pick me up to live with him in the ghetto. before we left my girlfriend left a few bags of some shit she packed on my behalf. i took them and left. back at my dads place--he sleeps on a couch, so I guess I'll sleep on the floor. i need a new job now. im still suicidal. im really close to hanging myself with my belt.

how was this supposed to help. why did my girlfriend and her mom refuse to let me back in the home we shared for 2 years. i miss our bedrooom. i miss our daughter. im left with nothing. i have nothing. its all gone. my life is over

I'm going to do it ",0.39290497737556507,2.3038008470588243,2.0710784313725514,97.68254524886879,83.66666666666667,5.0211161387631975,20.39592760180995,6.093298490706669,-0.13903619909502218,916,27,219,7,26,299,137,255,0.119,0.8370000000000001,0.044,-0.9601,2,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,5,0,2,0,9,5,1,0,9,0,16,5,4,5,1,34,38,10,4,2,1,8,0,0,6,1,1,1,2,1,8,20,0,3,0,0,0,7,3,3,0,0,13,1,46,2,35,23,3,41,0,2,0,0,36,19,1,2,12,133,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557607341514667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937241350415116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453379059102452,0.0,0.11521944153042375,0.0,0.08041728284284748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140818393927958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139751243950466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301477207139799,0.0,0.04937526186170732,0.0,0.05370969560823024,0.0,0.1511694816151171,0.0,0.10410854445669836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669018837281373,0.0,0.09479679627473284,0.0,0.0,0.10904674387986908,0.0,0.0,0.3062467116004721,0.0,0.09378219978451212,0.08400089647478677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107223308522495,0.09663835240352088,0.06675208180568178,0.0,0.0,0.08345015329890705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942345920498322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136757223290449,0.07543344756224266,0.0,0.0,0.14014937134842767,0.0,0.09127407230847144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136129423989086,0.0,0.0991677024053455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021626394892183,0.0,0.0,0.09873821038476976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051021617592102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054269068297565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515462565188796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700861366954748,0.07817598743880087,0.0,0.2837214745033242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146073511788687,0.15094454701090762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134950364936968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627853040814387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030412594176417,0.10499917006847262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162247278351664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527658116857036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171698238845255
suicidewatch,Kvahsir,2018/02/24,"I think it's time I should get some help I'm not really sure where to begin. I never discussed this with anyone before so forgive me if my story jumps from a lot of places.

I've always been depressed for as long as I can remember but in recent moments, it's been getting worse. There's been multiple attempts throughout my life when I was 13, 15, 19, 20, 21 and now (25M) but these recent attempts are almost a daily occurrence now. Although my feet are dangling over the bridge or have a noose around my neck, I don't commit to it. I kinda hang there for 30 minutes with a blank mind. It's when I'm at work or at home when I really start thinking about ending my life and sometimes thinking about it will become unbearable.

While at work, my mind will start roaming and these suicidal thoughts will get intense. After the sort, most clock-out while a few co-workers and I stay around doing extra work looking for missed scans but sometimes these thoughts are so heavy by end of the sort I'll hide somewhere crying it out until my next shift starts. I'm afraid of telling about this because it'll create an awkward work environment or possibly get fired for my own safety and I'm afraid my ex- girlfriend/coworker will use this against me. 

I'm not sure who to talk to about this and I'm not sure how to bring this up(which is why I'm here). But I think it's time I talk it out with someone, even if it's someone who I don't know.",3.853004418262152,4.977265257731961,4.3716740304369175,88.40092783505156,71.68041237113404,6.917427589592537,26.915562101129108,7.07126945348624,1.1710551791850763,1134,38,234,10,21,359,158,291,0.133,0.8270000000000001,0.041,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,6,19,9,0,3,9,0,19,4,2,2,5,51,45,27,1,3,12,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,20,13,0,0,9,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,6,3,23,4,35,33,6,38,0,2,2,0,9,11,0,12,23,146,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568024846586048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781539440761943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379405536166593,0.0,0.0,0.18790094411576236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433448993909463,0.11655753195777213,0.08980437338114339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592764482394315,0.0,0.0,0.09089902494838767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694924605589056,0.0,0.0,0.06970631699867079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205552983273856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073935215265413,0.0,0.10586240403855518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058000478213973375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490880732730266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339708987567506,0.08862465727992126,0.0,0.0,0.08972394276675638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312494820892736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139678516104795,0.0,0.1122399961992828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026389849191996,0.0,0.0,0.118977321652171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352196494929596,0.0,0.20841048110969126,0.0,0.11955306019206954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884263297485709,0.0,0.20875795403231914,0.0,0.2240992935277596,0.11248859970512856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544055374606647,0.0,0.2984026507116392,0.0,0.0,0.16965358726939303,0.09224415361462683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27049587337995457,0.0,0.1675694765131399,0.12307916547738007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115024486051876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952308964591038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841616472083102,0.0,0.1075514103564265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littIestitch,2018/02/24,"I’ve had enough. This is going to be a very long rant, I apologise. 

Basically, I’ve just turned 19 and I’ve already had enough of life. There’s just so much pure bullshit that’s happened and I hate the world so much, and I’ve been suicidal for a good 4 years with 2 failed attempts. And now I’m worse than ever. 

Long story short, I was bullied relentlessly for 9 years. Physical, verbal, cyber, you name it. Every. Single. Day. While being emotionally and sometimes physically abused by my alcoholic mother (who I still haven’t had an apology from and need to pretend to be happy families with) and looking after my 3 younger siblings from the age of 12-14. I was also in a very unhealthy relationship from the age of 15-18 and just went through a really bad breakup with another dude. My real dad also didn’t want me so I’ve been brought up by my step dad who also left my mam who I went to live with at 14. I’ve got scars all over my arms from a serious self harm problem that I’ve had since I was 12 too. Although things have settled now, I’m living in uni with 2 guinea pigs because I thought they’d keep me going, but they’re not. I’m broke as fuck, I’m failing in my course, my best friend is ignoring me, and I feel so alone. I’ve been wanting to kill myself for literal years but as the days go on, it gets harder and harder. I’ve tried to get help but the community mental health team TURNED ME DOWN. The doctors thought I have bipolar too. I just find it sad how I’m 19 and yet I’m so tired of life. I’m just so close to either slitting my wrists or taking every single tablet of every single medication I have access to. I’m just waiting for the day I snap.",2.5205496088925514,3.9755685302593697,4.137738781391523,87.47008285302597,75.51296829971182,7.032070811033348,24.78478797859201,7.7094869923839395,1.1600251955537255,1308,43,281,18,28,438,188,347,0.173,0.7559999999999999,0.071,-0.9877,0,1,1,0,1,1,39.0,0,1,1,5,24,16,3,0,13,0,21,11,2,1,3,46,53,29,2,4,12,3,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,10,17,1,3,4,2,0,7,3,12,0,0,17,2,29,4,41,32,10,36,0,4,1,1,16,12,1,1,17,165,39,4,0.0,0.12335962207253427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112676072174176,0.0,0.10783206580723076,0.1148938380318951,0.2497829370603681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917398474999232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693193832190775,0.06346772907397577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926259867814793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014372929278701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656643566119042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711571475425946,0.0,0.21515790235741986,0.0,0.0,0.0941782622613208,0.2631649276003099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815065204908673,0.0,0.05264383109262159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515951082250906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043923335632468,0.09625293013603543,0.10879190876716703,0.0,0.1775133969179373,0.08732698569720704,0.08327052775089361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206882835743416,0.11083268780953062,0.0,0.10279231755218722,0.0,0.11066971017049934,0.0,0.0,0.0697863003428422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254247492642308,0.11518816901558905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131215933392597,0.0,0.14707945072093415,0.0,0.0,0.18387145955253612,0.18427755321100264,0.08743064167977388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488522540641164,0.1049237483667972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307347095856536,0.07720018611860145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962429445378414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850602111795085,0.06669893619753399,0.0,0.0,0.11178088320792948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861497924758733,0.0,0.0,0.08612526366995486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297270780497292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314662428174201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388525495797533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828175884564645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916958833229092,0.0,0.0,0.16531185910500407,0.0,0.11966523750491855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068746392289338,0.2264951284159427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718120758377509,0.12281981950841338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930318783992897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610239982454013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114054605686588
suicidewatch,grykrm,2018/02/24,"I'm tired I'm tired of been lied, used and hurt..
I always do my best for making a better life.
But that just makes me feel like I'm stupid
I'm always someone's tool.. No one treats me well. What did i do wrong?
I just wanted someone who cares about me, loves me and comes back to me every day.
Every day i do self harm. I can't die because I'm coward. But i really want to die.
I hate my life so much. I don't need happiness anymore. I just want to end my life ",-1.819464285714286,0.06079004807692456,0.9225274725274736,101.6796153846154,95.6346153846154,3.740659340659341,12.236263736263735,5.288315135182226,-1.4670774725274724,351,5,90,2,14,120,62,104,0.244,0.532,0.225,-0.5181,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,2,0,1,0,7,6,0,3,0,16,24,5,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,2,1,17,8,6,22,2,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24428811063723305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557983128869487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287523652736005,0.0,0.08948403125698351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405085289783413,0.12982703217697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496658838796941,0.0,0.0,0.12644970986555631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933948826885832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046972138676087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300155810155028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473599202904095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074223267410258,0.10486939496764576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626454333482992,0.0,0.14492831382223414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571456115259004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110540354350412,0.07171595029943924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248697768853832,0.0,0.19597176899942775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791020460103226,0.10884561285673128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947115928901623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403975498400163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531377652828768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875552404866955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374353552427712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267825604571063,0.0,0.0,0.2597480497937281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198509800122413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049578479160692,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrWoofle,2018/02/24,"Its Official, I have... Lost all hope My grandma is the only one who has been preventing me from killing myself, but she just doesn't know how to care for people.... ",2.4489583333333336,4.5773018125000045,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,77.75,6.7666666666666675,23.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.082216666666667,126,4,26,2,3,40,32,32,0.147,0.682,0.171,0.431,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,2,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074381856229871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969118179690011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442119195392534,0.0,0.2196201417107823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362313255270604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27079216459984823,0.3039282435296515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770454855766445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,festermcseptic,2018/02/24,"I hate who I am It's the fucking isolation. It creeped up on me over the years I'm now asocial. 
Single, 45, friendless  in way over my head that I am incompetent at.
Got rosecea  so my face is bright red all the time. That ate away at my confidence. Seriously  fuck this for a life",-0.2643103448275852,2.0155679999999982,2.089224137931037,92.99693965517244,93.13793103448276,5.658620689655173,22.767241379310345,7.1686216300943375,0.9216827586206899,216,9,49,4,8,73,46,58,0.258,0.65,0.092,-0.8832,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,4,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,7,1,9,7,2,12,0,0,2,2,1,8,2,0,3,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157716499626053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6214275125970127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688053073280171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318235305681522,0.34492970579379184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373933372378103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597928389357072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26677600431165155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643370413393667
suicidewatch,disizlife,2018/02/24,"hungry, tired, lonely and fuck canada (rant)  Modern society  is not made for people like me. i'm starving here, I haven't eaten in 2 days.I can't keep a job. I cant even try my hand in the wild,  because it is illegal in bullshit canada ( Which is not a free country at all, dont even have basic human freedom of surviving on your own.  only the rich are free here). I'm forced into a system i dont belong in.I want to fish, farm, hunt and live off the land. I am very capable in these regards. But I am not Capable of going to a job every single day and pretending i'm okay, building houses that i can't even afford for people i dont even like.  I cant even go to a grocery store anymore. i went to 3 this morning and walked out of each all i Have is 6$ in change, And a shit ton of bills and debts that i acquired through working go figure. I just want out of this trap. Depression and anxiety are getting worse if i dont find a way soon i'm afraid i wont make it.",0.994239073196418,2.3521742085308084,3.5219510268562395,90.69049894681412,79.42654028436019,6.205476566614008,22.148762506582408,6.937597516519254,0.5363299631384937,742,22,170,8,18,260,121,211,0.217,0.6709999999999999,0.113,-0.966,4,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,3,9,11,2,1,10,1,20,5,2,2,2,26,36,9,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,11,1,1,2,1,6,5,13,5,0,0,3,1,17,8,23,32,6,22,0,2,0,1,2,12,2,1,5,105,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693382487660658,0.0,0.125663596520576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724205406319508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404379169534994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171832886674674,0.0,0.1091362876429434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5940189663021079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41845821046026893,0.0,0.10675976522150883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115811865129319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714258792279893,0.06620144301080234,0.0,0.2160389161820344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462078686427262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148289732016743,0.1126268570768774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380951623232518,0.0,0.11188843075574294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989732945555667,0.08458080041366284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636968052223922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569137125977638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006736505800925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456360402318233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602867929240454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455012211876193,0.14947525737754347,0.10057756023762136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746267752749785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092247361409913,0.0,0.1291296761844023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tanner_the_taco,2018/02/24,"Ending it just seems so much easier than this I don’t know what to do. I’m coming here because I feel so isolated and alone. I recently graduated college and I can’t get a job and on top of that my girlfriend of 6 years just ended things with me.

I’m trying so hard to be optimistic but I really really just want to die. Idk how I can make this hurting stop.",1.2584415584415574,2.96708133766234,4.024675324675325,85.79987012987014,79.77922077922078,8.036363636363637,21.38961038961039,8.841846274778883,1.4378363636363636,281,8,62,7,7,100,56,77,0.236,0.672,0.092,-0.9126,1,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,16,14,8,1,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,8,13,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,41,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148753833522897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802037621235212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091673046388564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520080711273228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43013160996544536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277672129259365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268630491395585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175183757446788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25994305588874106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409606627100339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344712321270166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208375151869145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850010619576473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111124904883633,0.0,0.2397547400287041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210535482152912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030077865442564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131833668517706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485834858165824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322109956682672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636765189331087
suicidewatch,snowboardbabe14,2018/02/24,"If I had a simple way, I would already be dead. I have good friends and a good life, but I'm depressed and don't want to go on. I was sexually assaulted six months ago and I am losing hope of getting back to normal. I was told yesterday that the DA isn't going to press charges against him either because they're not 100% sure they could prove it. So all my suffering, PTSD, anxiety, and depression aren't even validated. He took so much from me and now the police aren't going to do anything. Why should I keep living in a world like this?",4.447490347490344,4.740331252252254,5.477168597168597,84.0372972972973,69.81081081081078,8.865379665379669,29.37065637065637,8.841846274778883,2.0684764478764484,423,15,91,7,7,140,84,111,0.276,0.621,0.103,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,5,11,1,0,5,0,14,1,0,0,3,19,24,9,1,7,4,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,5,0,1,5,1,11,6,9,15,3,13,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,2,6,59,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680032937636366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764900174122208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394865288782366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484692802777272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446902283467193,0.0,0.11470598259007457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502375128635193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241391043297435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428374875805033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537878439253776,0.0,0.09831045615672224,0.0,0.3208220762498191,0.31565420244836995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689412277626935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672531170192023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290922142565614,0.09192979385175094,0.0,0.16615653928362314,0.0,0.0,0.21051280802740802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501945784123449,0.0,0.13832575350466672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843655179970696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199593125172983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734691137815053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980339707431678,0.2090625126084519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098686122696694,0.1493596721823319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169793116594481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366975005632306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hammmmmmyyy,2018/02/24,"Just need someone to talk to and help me Hey. Im a 17 year old who just want someone to understand me and the life i currently live and to tell me what i could do
I dont know the ins and outs of depression but i am quite sure ive fallen into it. And im drowning in it. I honestly just got a reddit account because google showed me this first when i seeked for help. ",0.20472222222222314,1.9653601358024704,2.489614197530866,95.24701388888893,83.44444444444444,6.0253086419753075,21.23611111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.42901111111111057,285,9,69,4,8,97,54,81,0.073,0.757,0.17,0.7872,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,17,10,7,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,11,2,10,8,0,10,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899853098916633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895734661129128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226367688296635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24801118691763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999959851759448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692478352587288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836821281852576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571609951930132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629806179165934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946992241978346,0.0,0.0,0.18685990911589784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690983034515527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205432975445424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507858522624188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586013809052028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994446194232493,0.0,0.0,0.17008810946906233,0.18496082458866106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029866285354915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481600117181725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362731125579937
suicidewatch,Osciome,2018/02/24,"I cant afford a life I don't want to live. I hate myself, I hate my job, I'm alone and I'm ready to die. I have tried to write a well though out summary for why I'm so upset four times now, but the more I write, the more upset I get. I really shouldn't even post here. I'm just complaining. Sorry",-1.6905434782608708,0.02742913043478623,1.4549094202898551,99.99366847826089,91.02898550724638,5.189130434782608,11.523550724637682,6.6274283507984215,-1.106523188405797,226,2,61,3,8,80,46,69,0.313,0.636,0.051,-0.9306,2,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,12,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,10,1,5,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26444556919553225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26499292272009023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686434986739182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339973607309275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041723483738225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533762906341248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803476024116732,0.0,0.0,0.22546165844169144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445362008125445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357136456075036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858217795128824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508610857298421,0.0,0.14888536630308058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335276378266992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060064385883726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295729352486869,0.0,0.23039621446393674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeisterCon,2018/02/24,"I seriously don't know what to do instead of just ending it all. I've been working everyday in an entirely different country I have been  before and it has been 6 months, I suffer from adhd and severe migraine, got crazy depression.  Not that where I lived before was any good but now I am so fucking broke even though I am working 15 hours a day as a student, cant pay the fucking rent, the student loan, gather enough money for visa. My parents decided to fucking abandon me for some fucking cult they believe in and I have no one to talk to. I can't even study properly with the little time I have due to my adhd and migraine, I went to the doctor and I can't even fucking pay the doctor session because my visa apparently doesnt cover health due to how short it is. (1 year) I don't know, I am working to my limits and I sincerely don't see the point of life. What makes it worse is people telling you can get through it when they either never experienced jack shit in life nor they made it through. Even if they made it through, there is many out here in the streets that didn't and never will because life isn't about how much you put effort, its about how fucking stupidly unfair it is. Even if I somehow did make it through, I lost hope, the only reason I could wake up everyday was my family, and now thats gone too. I just hit 19 and I've been working for awhile. I don't know, I don't even know how to end it without you know, putting someone in trouble. Even if I did afford some sleeping pills, if I died there, the person thats with me will be in trouble, not that he gives a single fuck about me. But I do, I do care about people even when I decided that its all worthless, really ironic when you are at the edge of the cliff, ready to throw everything away. Anyways, the only reason I am typing this is. Well I don't know why I am typing this. Maybe I can feel like someone understands, or I don't even know. I basically have a 25k uni debt and can't even cover  my living expenses. I'll stop typing.",4.7912318840579715,4.809927949275366,5.6896560386473425,83.76573043478261,69.024154589372,8.363130434782608,29.84502415458937,7.976525956113202,1.8516822415458936,1577,55,330,18,25,520,196,414,0.155,0.774,0.071,-0.989,7,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,4,4,7,36,24,9,0,17,0,47,19,3,10,4,59,77,28,1,6,13,1,1,1,0,2,9,0,1,1,22,13,0,3,13,0,9,5,21,18,1,1,15,3,48,6,39,57,8,39,0,6,1,7,15,15,8,9,20,237,70,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146361105791713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851081090502478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670223609247486,0.0,0.0,0.08697132023473589,0.0,0.12140307513443124,0.08037105258429604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273163341140729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695585595225097,0.0,0.0,0.046005709163965416,0.0,0.0614414462234464,0.0,0.07403532951540866,0.07453075974605404,0.0,0.14603049041444435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636474433668382,0.07370898210786178,0.0,0.4711664321746178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411204463324058,0.0,0.06724907220691362,0.0,0.03606953926934422,0.05096233151567101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616417802222684,0.03727002712397799,0.06843182874365873,0.0,0.059833110062545276,0.05705378025025312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758266519375952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085257558035797,0.07025142346878435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744301476939947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115982006016632,0.03485108343810878,0.07149724269001632,0.12598169041256166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787148571333223,0.0,0.0,0.13499937516987254,0.09523444149308362,0.07232333545882283,0.07166642985831821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693957926895218,0.0,0.052440043374888834,0.0,0.11003718029040654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833900488792688,0.10850822712148064,0.0,0.0,0.0792099976706675,0.0,0.0,0.09891056560855156,0.06228769558377922,0.0,0.0,0.06743541753828447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342442534962574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569955963439802,0.14669022930400644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684542097485104,0.0,0.0,0.08058918345364248,0.07322520481714195,0.0,0.0,0.07138734831767214,0.0,0.12088523526653246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963994844992181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733703834967305,0.06235066005337776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700870912096777,0.0,0.041596496393657104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426311527504613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413947864905578,0.06612902949548359,0.06436949138810763,0.0,0.0,0.06876519491339604,0.0,0.20773333664656565,0.0,0.07269730560280788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593793596246778
suicidewatch,ineffort,2018/02/24,"I don’t wanna live to see another day. My life is completely shit, I’m only happy for the first 5 seconds in the morning when I first wake up, then I remember who am I and what my purpose in this world is, I have watched my mom almost die in front of me 6 times, all from seizures. Ive seen my 2 sisters , dad and grandpa be hospitalized in the same year, my great grandmother passed away the other day. My dog needs to be put down next month, I hear these voices in my head telling me that I’m useless, I’m only 14. I don’t think this should be happening to me. I need to end it all.",2.3914285714285732,3.0852867142857185,4.104920634920634,90.56785714285715,74.71428571428571,7.504761904761906,25.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.1543714285714288,450,15,107,6,9,152,84,126,0.084,0.852,0.064,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,4,0,11,4,3,0,2,12,21,4,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,1,5,19,2,16,16,3,23,0,1,3,0,7,9,1,1,11,67,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042878622406736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893919764569914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928930384346835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892005891222524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240824016740624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700310195812947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959001819656732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065297502854698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986540881729293,0.0,0.0,0.15933659101908365,0.1918097901766881,0.0,0.0,0.18492131822371785,0.0,0.20308106863591607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272696671877473,0.0,0.0,0.15910624732327655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110299520414606,0.14382157838939266,0.0,0.0,0.2672091021821611,0.0,0.0,0.19162829927082006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740769196613214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811352270091544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411395556849327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358374743507327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495683793066625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748922731129028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545497579032125,0.0,0.0,0.10506705254259838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603293425941295
suicidewatch,overanalytical_guy,2018/02/24,"I want to die, and I would love to know why. This is going to be long, but I'll try to keep it to the point. The point is: 

* **I don't understand what is happening to me**
* **I am scared**
* I am pretty sure that somebody has felt the same way before me and that I genuinely think that, **if I understand this, I will feel better, or at least I will learn to be able to live with it**.

My situation is good. Not perfect, but I am not *super* poor, I have a good life, a job, a SO, and friends. That said, I am under a *lot* of pressure lately, but that is by choice, and the event that causes it should be over in a year or two, tops.

I have been feeling bad for months now. I can't even remember when it started. Some days I wake up angry, some days I wake up sad. But also some days I wake up fine. I want to say again that there is no reason for me to feel this way, my life is not bad and many people have it worse.

The wanting to die is... Weird. I don't know how to describe it really, it's like, if my life was a TV series, I would stop watching it. I just want to disappear, but instead I keep doing my work and my chores and hope that next day is going to be better.

I know I am not the only one. Yesterday I spent several hours reading this subreddit, the one about depression and the one about suicidology. I am also not in danger, I am not going to kill myself. I have thought about it, but as others have said, in my head is like a ""backup plan"". I am also not sure if I have depression because I have never been diagnosed and I don't think it is right to say you have something if a doctor hasn't told you before, so I don't want to say I have it. As far as I know, I am just sad.

And now I arrive to the thing that made me write this post. Yesterday, when I was walking home alone (after a pretty good day) I felt **super sad**. As if I was going to start crying right there, on the street. And it was the first time that it happened to me. That genuinely scared the shit out of me.

I come to you today because it is clear that I can't keep it under control by myself. I would like to know if somebody felt like this and why it happens. I don't have a reason for it. **I don't plan on killing myself anytime soon** despite thinking about it, but I am scared that I feel that sad again and I change my mind.

I have been looking for info about depression. I am not a doctor, and I haven't found anything useful, really. I mean, aside of facebook articles and the like, the only texts with real scientific value (thanks, Google Scholar) I have found were really outdated. I would like to have something to read, to understand what the hell is happening in my mind and how to fix it or cope with it.

I don't mind if the texts are boring, or difficult to understand, or really technical or super long. Please, if any of you has any real info on why this is happening, I need to now.

Thank you for reading this.",0.01985221674876669,2.1454044745484424,2.296267651888339,94.09514039408869,87.17733990147785,5.4504433497536935,17.895402298850573,6.868970318607317,0.01927875205254459,2211,56,504,30,70,748,217,609,0.145,0.679,0.177,0.9595,1,1,2,0,0,3,112.0,0,5,0,12,26,44,5,4,27,0,72,12,5,8,5,119,127,50,4,20,31,0,7,6,1,7,6,5,2,0,46,21,0,5,29,4,2,7,21,21,0,5,19,14,78,23,67,97,6,63,1,7,2,1,14,22,2,19,37,369,124,9,0.0579459818874655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060014561641634816,0.0,0.13901814234029858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881050947172752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768460577574865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676494894150656,0.07064666544688014,0.0,0.09861552532600418,0.0,0.0,0.10249702409838578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595264853537567,0.061299165473933874,0.04991533250816664,0.0,0.0,0.06499134593364242,0.0,0.0,0.06365094016969149,0.18685182282969648,0.0,0.14972636787178506,0.058813951862441136,0.1202775614169792,0.0,0.0,0.1186203356866222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827277453510011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719691809699502,0.0,0.16691168926617508,0.0,0.0,0.04928882259175958,0.0,0.1270695564815171,0.04476892186503285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172814748929304,0.1458070211361497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562072020677088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946929483271887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812454445970161,0.057553434736479586,0.057065119829974774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750244581162515,0.15451515347586456,0.12821728709401328,0.0,0.1592279811350325,0.0,0.06536559151837608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278688202017267,0.1698568787136812,0.0,0.05116736362623355,0.1025607410333946,0.04866003071700984,0.0,0.0,0.04926360163280145,0.05229851101561758,0.05482988913714752,0.0,0.058748130652399484,0.0,0.0631201617221374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755267694912222,0.0,0.04625192990566072,0.0,0.0,0.0429662113386852,0.044691513488084235,0.0,0.061626209120151314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779709094223495,0.08814106074273058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0401724477612229,0.0,0.0,0.06360728726065826,0.10955536536043306,0.0,0.055496232899347006,0.11790379107215795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388498867932586,0.13191042675566053,0.1484867191551088,0.11915624053993927,0.0,0.0,0.06564150158442,0.0989711038408591,0.11023979654262596,0.13824291173497372,0.17404210988287488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546246586484301,0.0594807177013485,0.0,0.06513371148297945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921929568301418,0.0,0.0,0.08202892845256014,0.0,0.0,0.04844543550723298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922680433281798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669774966757073,0.0,0.0,0.03849673556394407,0.11138833631186612,0.0,0.04600263698966087,0.03378876802782358,0.0,0.054926015383495855,0.05536986891397304,0.0,0.03934151802744052,0.0,0.056604804423573574,0.2412952428786462,0.0,0.050046723461696085,0.0,0.0,0.17089020722924586,0.09198964651765187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686170719753756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04218536494738832,0.0,0.0590519060070558,0.16465265192565928,0.0,0.0,0.0373153125018848
suicidewatch,TypicalEngineering,2018/02/24,"Dropped out of university three years ago but managed to land myself into an ok job. I just started and want to kill myself already. I only just started last Monday and already on every commute to work I feel like getting off on an earlier station and taking another train to a place called Beachy Head (a 600m cliff in the UK). I fall asleep whilst planning the trip because it's comforting.
The worst feeling is about 7pm after I finish and I'm already counting down the hours until I have to go back to sleep and go again in the morning. 

I have already proven that I cannot finish university and if I throw in the towel on my first proper placement I think I'll be considered an absolute failure. I'd rather kill myself than have to disappoint my mother again. My family isn't in poverty but we only just scrape by, this was supposed to be a relief for her to stop working strenuous jobs. I can tell it will not last long as she is starting to see GPs regarding pain in her shoulders from working. I cannot believe I'm letting her down so early on.

",4.38757142857143,5.577223566666671,5.434761904761905,81.03357142857145,70.47619047619048,7.6952380952380945,31.142857142857146,8.021203637495839,2.2736571428571426,839,36,156,11,15,277,132,210,0.15,0.759,0.091,-0.9612,3,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,0,5,9,9,2,0,12,1,14,6,4,0,0,22,28,12,2,3,8,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,3,0,0,5,4,5,0,2,1,3,23,4,33,23,1,43,0,1,1,0,8,16,0,1,22,107,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054424496798214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504641915675101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307649963763182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589112987147093,0.0,0.07601955155687555,0.0,0.0,0.14050083082841458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273386541168398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507008876041164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756161221854634,0.0,0.12611008745034658,0.08908991096508219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607476422250384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515367918597627,0.0,0.14174645945722053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279842182497957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281017912376566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475027018683625,0.0,0.2759371756634409,0.0,0.0,0.20330388521148754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752021907641586,0.0,0.060924997506894014,0.0,0.0,0.11036078619396199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968889385013726,0.1326958567451304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029111016818554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937444663152424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479594862529088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26480240714305503,0.0,0.0,0.10425970593067883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376330757940472,0.0,0.1089984423311052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990649732280647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735547634802203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27236211407386834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030650292279934
suicidewatch,the3ieis,2018/02/24,"20 years old, feeling doubtful about the future financially, socially and sexually. (There is a TLDR)20 year old NEET with a lot to get off my chest. This is a shot in the dark I don't think many will see, but I do apologize if this seems to be an angry rant. I have depression and anxiety so that does come off as bitter and angry at times. I don't mean to direct hate towards anyone.

Context is key here I suppose, or at least for me to feel justified writing this. Throughout my life my parents have been emotionally abusive towards me, as well as physical. There was a bit of an odd hiatus with the abuse, 6th grade to 10th grade. Nothing really happened during that time in the household, and I was pretty happy overall. Long story short things went to shit shortly after this period of time. Fights were happening every day in the house. Mom got assaulted by my dad 2013 Christmas. Also my 16th birthday the following february. Had to tear my dad off my mom a bit after I graduated high school(this was a random one,other incidents tended to happen around holidays or occasions, this just kind of happened). These are only incidents I was actually able to physically break up, others I was too young to intervene. 
So with that said, naturally my mental health suffered. The social skills I barely had to begin with suffered. My self esteem suffered. I didn't really live like a typical teenager. Didn't make much friends, didn't do much besides school or rushing home to ensure no violence occurred. It felt like mostly the latter. No clubs, no dating, not even so much as staying after school to get help from teachers. So my coming of age is pretty crap as long as I'm around my parents.

Fast forward almost two years out of high school and I have made no effort towards education or a job out of pure anxiety and laziness. I don't know how to talk to anyone without feeling extremely angry. I don't have a resume or any real skills to put on a resume, naturally so when all you do is barely pass your classes and go straight home. At this point I'm just trying to become content with the fact that this is how I'm going out. I was born into shit and I refuse to live like shit. I'm not going to take the first dead end job I see when I aspire to be so much more, and yet because of what this family has put me through I'm never going to be mentally stable enough to achieve that. I'm considered by all of my family members to be the smartest (I'm not trying to sound superior here, my school experience proves I'm not very smart) and I honestly feel like part of the reason they talk down to me is because of envy, or whatever the word is for trying to live through someone. They compliment me constantly, and then make me feel like shit by pointing out how others parents kids are better. I'm sure my analysis of their actions is wrong but I'll go crazy if I don't make some kind of sense of it. My brother has been a fuck up most of his life, and the only reason he is less of a fuck up now is because he's physically away from his ""bad friends"" but even states away he managed to get into shit. I'm pretty sure to his friends he is the ""bad friend"". My sister is a hopeless pretentious 30 year old going on 17.

I was never good at making friends. I have manipulative qualities and I get scared becoming close with someone so I inevitably cut off all my friends anyways. As for women, you can imagine how inept I am when it comes to them, especially given my lack of height and lack of looks.
 
TLDR- Went through a lot in my teenage years and didn't develop socially, physically or emotionally. Essentially just a scared homicidal suicidal kid at this point. Now I don't know how to get a job, be a decent school student, socialize, date or live life in general. Not really sure why I'm sticking around.",4.393855715330247,5.789450981233247,5.549147940531322,79.43627370216916,70.68900804289544,8.535374116500122,29.381330733609552,8.995579910939314,2.467826595174264,3016,118,566,58,55,1002,337,746,0.242,0.6729999999999999,0.085,-0.9993,6,0,0,0,2,1,79.0,0,3,4,6,35,48,13,3,34,0,55,13,7,13,11,107,115,52,2,4,22,9,6,5,6,1,4,2,2,4,22,34,0,1,15,2,0,18,22,24,1,2,23,12,61,24,110,86,21,103,0,5,3,2,45,45,8,19,44,374,83,15,0.04939692720699194,0.11705456258994652,0.04820427536160937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946388722645083,0.0,0.0,0.0395027048408132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03359160439356522,0.0,0.07557702821602684,0.0,0.0,0.06907896007778737,0.0,0.0,0.1319212139128561,0.0,0.0,0.09282007831675718,0.0,0.08248874181362083,0.09033572501904036,0.10911005036130593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436875679158736,0.10785730163611054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765323665791894,0.0,0.053380529730871255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031856931542681564,0.0,0.04254550102135567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322758387885686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111297889264614,0.04375101572062379,0.05104023043579352,0.0,0.06525240909340457,0.0,0.041619041643891616,0.0,0.0,0.04831967333562516,0.09313405351362436,0.0,0.12488285303724687,0.07057834933329557,0.04742879659133476,0.0,0.0,0.04201700104783538,0.0,0.0,0.2289836605544762,0.09133332646276683,0.12903927841334387,0.0,0.1684404725062063,0.04143179891988739,0.039507235182609415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747261583731426,0.052583947543971984,0.0,0.048769238939477585,0.0,0.05250662371657922,0.0,0.0,0.03310971906430959,0.10438113134736912,0.09909829113574901,0.0,0.0,0.056997421838469065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705648454609788,0.0,0.0,0.10287859656424923,0.05429451870342624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467153158096684,0.12066421749082952,0.0,0.17447356686973187,0.08742945229508017,0.04148097791985246,0.0,0.0,0.08399100212110254,0.0,0.046740566890988926,0.1318913299363724,0.050080731033589856,0.0,0.05380773493384247,0.0,0.0,0.09956096868675132,0.0,0.0,0.1157061682631855,0.0,0.0,0.14524970072171725,0.0,0.07619591097199906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047397683897602766,0.0,0.1555012969385701,0.0,0.033472636277981964,0.07513717810341435,0.0,0.0,0.16454832579345804,0.05349205846975647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008818812548265,0.0,0.0,0.15076330045620304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931511073174036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056224517525192697,0.09493480934822912,0.10157653643079287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046987789556359495,0.0,0.09890988299564726,0.29995396505734223,0.07872591108449521,0.04496910731040586,0.05153176814641509,0.0,0.2535261796252963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014157863432039,0.08370771224679327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265055193235388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054032220918737744,0.0,0.13966805791190695,0.0,0.03714034173621627,0.07940675793326696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03281712350740767,0.03165155639373963,0.0,0.0,0.08641123648188859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006118132222597,0.0,0.048253620226980994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040757638210486224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044413769891556994,0.09158289281503636,0.044573043603778326,0.0,0.0,0.04761687509408216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400778544130163,0.0,0.15905000789713789
suicidewatch,ItIsWednsday,2018/02/24,"I'm worried that my one friend doesn't actually like me. I've only got one friend.. we've been friends since kindergarten and idk they found out about my suicidal thoughts and we talk daily on discord but I'm worried that he just deals with me and doesn't actually like me. I always try to make plans but he is always busy. Please, someone calm me down. I cannot lose him. If I lose him, I might just kill myself. I won't have anyone to talk to. I won't do anything. Life will be pointless. I just wish I could just know what everyone else was thinking. I wouldn't have these shitty fears and I could just know. I would know if it's time to end it all or if I have a caring friend.",0.8035416666666677,2.8808028263888867,2.084555555555557,97.21600000000002,83.2361111111111,4.951111111111112,19.322222222222226,6.079149491110277,-0.2872411111111113,533,14,124,4,15,170,85,144,0.157,0.6409999999999999,0.202,0.8477,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,1,3,6,12,1,1,1,0,19,1,0,1,1,32,31,10,2,8,11,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,5,0,23,8,9,17,1,5,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,5,4,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.26075890414011355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234054325185326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341989789233657,0.0,0.10994573756936213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621945759569073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334584253946015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774114707073573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161004325916872,0.0,0.1183345961405388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766554274339253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034305171113793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649126151607342,0.41289234163193855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685632420093938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478144148343085,0.0,0.22027785541397954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436933987345582,0.13054555383646185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29894020167090063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918254242439254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417340577213026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810687514551568,0.10161281377766952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665844456275298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051964416677212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320329550547276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461424594533743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477367956130045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560885002052854,0.0,0.10606764534763476,0.07790629621328396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070919526874073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363944489218334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27136523524436096,0.0,0.09490933690346656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImNotHere_ThisIsnt,2018/02/24,"Have some practical questions about committing myself Simple backstory: 35, female, two kids, jobless, living with abusive ex because I've got nowhere else to go, no friends, no family. History of major depression, been suicidal off and on since I was a kid. Avoidant Personality Disorder.

So I want... I want to not exist anymore, but I can't risk my kids thinking they weren't enough or that I didn't love them enough - if anything it's the opposite. I love them so much, but I know I'm failing them. Badly. I'm an alcoholic. The house is filthy. I can't handle the stuff their school sends... I can barely handle getting them ready in the morning. I pathetically hide behind my son's autism as an excuse for why I'm so overwhelmed, but he's brilliant - not difficult at all. It's just that I'm constantly treading water in an endless swamp, and recently I've been stuck.

Can I be taken away? I want to be. I know it's a miserable experience, but I'm hoping I could talk to a doctor and at least have something shaken up with my meds. I want to be taken away. I want to be evaluated. I feel like... It's stupid, but I feel like there must be something if we look closer. Actually, full disclosure: I think it's a brain tumor. It must be something, to fuck with me like this.

Will they have to see our home? I'm afraid they'll take the kids away if they see the state of the place. Maybe they should, probably. I don't want them hurt or upset. EDIT: basically, I guess I'm hoping they won't because I'm hoping being committed helps me and I can fix this, but I'm not sure about fixing this and also fielding questions from cps. 

Can I actually stay in a facility? Am American, have insurance but not sure this would be covered. Do I have to do something illegal to get help?

Where do I start? How do I guarantee I'm taken seriously? How to make the process as simple as possible? 

Hitting post before I lose my nerve. Thanks in advance.

EDIT: do they drug test? Would pot in my system disqualify me from anything?",1.946366798608615,4.351488221662471,3.849577186038143,84.29876784214945,81.14105793450881,7.005133741153892,24.56573107832553,8.11559375814309,1.6884103874295309,1572,60,308,32,42,530,205,397,0.177,0.6709999999999999,0.152,-0.9439,1,1,6,0,0,0,68.0,2,0,13,3,11,27,2,6,16,0,41,8,1,3,7,60,86,26,1,18,17,2,2,3,1,8,3,0,1,5,13,9,2,1,8,0,0,3,12,15,0,1,10,5,51,12,38,58,8,27,0,6,3,3,33,17,1,12,6,198,64,6,0.0,0.106826433441791,0.17596890542629745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635504257340996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210198348663574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941581285841102,0.0,0.0,0.14839018564038653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254128614014876,0.0,0.07528094498903952,0.1099230205429148,0.0,0.07672065162375903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064986306426288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743236795234893,0.0,0.07198648597009645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765582190977079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333269605059467,0.09228394230646483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045585191393042,0.0,0.0753182224463734,0.0,0.0,0.1863215122541927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819508190551434,0.08499607831341296,0.0,0.09117655556743057,0.1288225451560883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965842034758739,0.08335269727649312,0.09421114790776214,0.0,0.05124076193459293,0.0,0.0721102524553227,0.0,0.09932287050692604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086647873061715,0.0,0.09043916587252744,0.2686516348153869,0.0,0.10403407019187566,0.09651956914179796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910061872331996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214481568304445,0.0,0.07961410673009546,0.0,0.07571280997185341,0.10086746653851406,0.0,0.0,0.1627482419550621,0.0,0.060183388273185034,0.0,0.09057917506933426,0.0,0.10014891285207778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627895206846579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872539617366865,0.09419940059013207,0.0,0.0,0.10164335323474104,0.08634963179735901,0.0,0.09720916374053662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200264926825906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902343679909247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124808002586296,0.14369381448330654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458238435332877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776423886435948,0.0,0.0,0.06381665383898354,0.09609998204646203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032131525993122,0.09862186187321556,0.0,0.16995197410330867,0.0,0.06779009987655181,0.07246826226588378,0.0,0.08300843963689943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554348015530748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807451901829194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190769326368469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135657714628941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809604477141626,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway_690,2018/02/24,"I'm giving up. Hey, I just wanted to post this here because recently my ex got into contact with me during a low point in my life. She told me the day we broke up she found comfort in another man as well as cheating on me. Now she's saying she found a new guy and is happy with him. I was doing better till she told me this, I feel horrible and I have been depressed for the past week. I feel as if now I have nothing to live for, the one person who I gave a good portion of my life too cheated on me and moved one easily. And I feel like a fool that I wanted to see if we would ever get back together. I'm already falling behind in my job, I can't help anybody, I'm antisocial, barely have any friends, and I'm not really a good looking guy, I can barely hold any conversations too. I don't care for life anymore, I'm writing this in my car with my 210 next to me. I'm giving up.


",2.611334134615384,2.9897386510416686,4.8585416666666665,86.5348557692308,73.94791666666666,7.574358974358977,25.70673076923077,7.61054688173877,1.179415384615385,679,21,155,8,13,239,109,192,0.138,0.716,0.146,0.1407,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,1,9,15,2,0,8,0,11,3,0,0,1,26,34,11,0,5,4,1,3,1,1,1,3,1,0,4,5,11,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,6,1,2,8,6,32,9,26,25,1,27,0,3,2,0,26,12,0,2,12,101,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574817358949094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963121441256308,0.13849227385354726,0.0,0.0,0.13098302437609124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155761087675053,0.0,0.08051176418910014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680970619198812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346593820239271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517752283314536,0.0,0.11375610296424325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946950290414265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034343957697526,0.09435448850131878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896270928667092,0.10204090617434657,0.0,0.0690037963555859,0.25339697012615164,0.0,0.22155668029664455,0.10563253470701016,0.0,0.0,0.2615502572165441,0.0,0.14059641577792004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852716551877511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106417205106807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798656788169631,0.06452522978679577,0.0,0.1166247462182288,0.0,0.1109098325799403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403749453152241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755896901892408,0.14046338309571008,0.0,0.0,0.12672963486823102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789950320251958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260806418187557,0.0,0.11532289598889553,0.0,0.0,0.12485367406593455,0.0,0.1264914511764242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461070060566606,0.0,0.1304082423403489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503143250537582,0.0,0.0,0.10524676678253787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524068645552782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580264947692699,0.0,0.10594269055486688,0.0,0.11875138991260553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382237223154097,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pleasemakeitgoaway,2018/02/24,"I can be gone in a minute. Ok heres the thing

I can kill myself in like 5 minutes. no one will be home to find me for 6 hours, its plenty of time to be really dead.

I'm just
I think I'm basically a black hole. I just suck up everyones time and love and care and I leave them behind exhausted and drained and sad.

I don't think I can get better. I think I am as good as I can get. And I'm miserable. And I can't do anything about it. Not really. I think it would be better so I don't waste my own time, and so I stop wasting everyone else's time if I just left.

They'd be sad and whatever for a little bit, but in the long run, I think it would work out better for everyone.


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suicidewatch,peoniey,2018/02/24,Tell me what makes life worth living I don’t have a reason to stay. I’m not close with my family or friends. My boyfriend can move on after a while. I feel like the world is working against me. I just want everything to end. ,0.02390070921985909,2.315158659574468,1.2735106382978714,99.88416666666667,90.06382978723406,4.835460992907802,18.471631205673766,6.42735559955562,-0.21462836879432645,175,5,41,2,6,55,40,47,0.0,0.804,0.196,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,9,8,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,6,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26986862912261883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738395062047072,0.0,0.2872385810063208,0.0,0.1540625459545458,0.2176736021620552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540598828575995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152145290850532,0.1488581987048753,0.0,0.2690505667910285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033857489753632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238417216329807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31327639125735685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247634835100694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663161666146899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797165374785575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182101138316335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thethrowingrock,2018/02/24,"I'm sick and so tired and don't know what to do I've been sick with what I have been told is the flu since late December. Everyday is pain along with my normal gallbladder attack like pain. I was already suicidal before I got sick and was getting ready to see a psychologist but it was far enough away that I convinced myself I couldn't maintain seeing them due to gas and the unreliability of my car.
 I feel like I can't come clean to anyone I know about how I have been feeling. Like I am already depressing as it is when someone asks how I am I just sick as usual. I've been dealing with this gallbladder like pain for 5 years now it hasn't gotten better and the only thing that I know is that it is anxiety related. This pain has ruined so much for me like jobs, school and is wrecking friendships because I can't go out when i'm on my painkillers. Painkillers and alcohol don't mix and I can't afford it.
 I just don't know any more like I try to be strong but honestly I feel like I am out of options. I am a shell of what I was here I am jumping at thumps and bumps in my house worried my father is gonna get angry with me for being sick again and now being broke. 
I am running out of money because I had to spend what was left of my savings last month on the vet bills for putting my dog down when I found her laying on the ground in her blood. It hasn't been a good few months and I am losing it everyday I get closer to acting on this thought of I would be better off dead and acting on a plan I made months ago.
I want to get better but my geographical location makes it harder than if I was in a bigger city or more populated county. I'm sorry for the inconvenience of reading this its a mess.",4.3098363132712185,4.286729473684211,5.518686728783681,84.72270901536137,70.05263157894737,8.447292873331655,27.212415008813906,8.150884317080207,1.4816747922437667,1344,39,298,17,22,450,173,361,0.228,0.667,0.105,-0.9935,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,6,14,25,1,0,12,0,44,13,1,4,0,47,72,26,2,5,7,1,3,7,0,2,12,0,1,0,21,21,1,0,9,1,3,8,9,10,0,0,18,5,45,15,44,47,5,45,0,4,2,0,7,20,0,3,24,201,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627416306308801,0.1040125419331098,0.0,0.0,0.2148046577976151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618542893432666,0.0,0.07445458650104911,0.0,0.0,0.06805302523688624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098723763545023,0.11072306381750813,0.09144154928022998,0.0,0.0,0.1186587902228706,0.0,0.08281777249044436,0.0,0.0,0.25823241912465883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383825240053057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033945625337044,0.08382726235200806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056440010191887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763376761598174,0.20859043837434596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067135989425486,0.0,0.0,0.20339653661315868,0.0,0.055312952566502406,0.08163293872199832,0.07784097704696757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230183495648903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658163781267236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395262739266224,0.07933417315924236,0.10978864979274633,0.0,0.10574564120668996,0.0,0.0,0.332842041640005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888357591695948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209278699728572,0.06496626465264771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23305550290432334,0.0,0.07154625328561988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535940859565124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402126887755914,0.414249479416731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784011990656133,0.0,0.0,0.09735294305395764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849972037296306,0.15511340668119736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050957347781483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246451665801477,0.0,0.0,0.10894916615441536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064595092238583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465947176207579,0.0,0.0,0.07726645295607645,0.0,0.11186261523171777,0.0,0.09299974200581487,0.0,0.06607837617158904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719150531007528,0.0,0.057405753328881176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988398918171638,0.0,0.06913802782091867,0.0,0.0,0.06267514270141035
suicidewatch,kazoomaster,2018/02/24,"Everything is falling apart (x-post) My dad died in September. All told from diagnosis to final breath we got 16 months. I was very close with him and it's has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with.

And now my relationship is falling apart. I'm not the best version of myself, I freely admit that. I'm depressed, angry, I lash out, I withdraw. 100% on me. But it's taking its toll on my fiance and if this falls apart I'm going to be so beyond lost and I  don't know what to do. I'm seeing a bereavement counselor and my therapist. Just started back on antidepressants and mood stabilizers (had to stop taking them years ago because of finances, lack of insurance, etc. Saved up enough to get back on them). 

My fiance isn't exactly doing the best job at helping me through this. According him, he's doing a great job...according to me, not so much... and if I make a request while I'm ugly crying and covered in snot it's not likely to be heeded. 

I haven't dealt with suicidal ideation in years and it's rearing its ugly head again recently. I'm 95% sure that I wouldn't actually go through with it but that doesn't stop the unwelcome thoughts. And that's not as good as 100%. I'm fairly certain that my job is the only thing keeping me alive right now. I'm an adult special ed teacher and when I get to that dark place (which is more frequent lately), pretty much the only thing that makes me resolve not to do anything dumb is the thought of letting my students and colleagues down. So I'm terrified for the semester to end. I'm terrified of being fired because the accompanying executive dysfunction is making it difficult for me to do everything I should be doing on a daily basis (inb4 what about bereavement leave? I'm a contractor so I have no benefits at all)

I'm just... lost. And depressed. And sad. And anxious. And angry. And scared. And I've been barely hanging by a thread the past year I don't know how much longer I can do this without coming completely undone.",1.907630850750664,4.378620637974684,3.6163556078893135,85.49647924639389,81.86075949367087,6.611127465410657,24.882249043273482,7.82057824672937,1.6006791286429205,1572,62,304,29,43,523,201,395,0.206,0.706,0.08800000000000001,-0.9939,3,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,1,0,2,5,16,22,1,1,17,0,33,2,2,4,6,62,67,31,2,5,12,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,24,26,0,3,6,0,1,7,13,10,0,0,11,2,32,11,45,49,13,49,0,5,1,0,14,20,1,3,23,206,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.09948776125312532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037185850429158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517363334733663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389554578141667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678535998090504,0.0,0.12429463259435132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397889537177545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782025132654636,0.1068918485395082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119864635171712,0.0,0.10510519976063136,0.17561747858482551,0.0,0.10580722537363696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902967750047686,0.10534082758860072,0.11370036237058308,0.0,0.09221893296750384,0.0,0.0,0.18325082362906567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168041969637983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652855023134787,0.0,0.1158802159376318,0.08551019361473572,0.08153812814596978,0.11239940759599644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462934244838268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833443300864317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30350669760089194,0.09061717732916498,0.0,0.0,0.11205728275342497,0.0,0.11500319414506485,0.1079495350163816,0.0,0.10425001498855033,0.0,0.04980725369884306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257929809944774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041557472698348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137491837780247,0.0,0.22483328666006824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507399665921398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732209454083633,0.0,0.0,0.10651526703987822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763919974087763,0.10371903825959143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066258473046362,0.10945534062836568,0.0,0.08706410211679871,0.0,0.0,0.102068984039562,0.0,0.08124035251701729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721602035964852,0.0,0.0,0.1704682753009055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151593202914677,0.0,0.09608596122778687,0.0,0.15330629591643788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183709365228298,0.2031916541029172,0.0,0.0,0.16187263268074667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741687693150138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411880790879983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827543854653173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695592261403752
suicidewatch,lemoncolic,2018/02/24,"My mother had gotten inside my head. The anxiety is too much to bare. I know she doesn't have as much power as I think she does. But even now that I'm on my own, I'm still running. The fear is still so real. I fear I won't be free of her until I am dead. Everyone I know is affected by her... directly or indirectly. The police have never believed me. I can't go through dealing with them again. I don't want her to come for anyone I care about. I want to stop feeling this way. I don't know how to stop this.",-0.40449404761904617,1.4511127767857133,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,86.4107142857143,5.519047619047619,18.261904761904766,6.816661863887847,-0.03705595238095194,389,10,94,5,12,136,71,112,0.214,0.7440000000000001,0.043,-0.9418,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,9,4,0,2,3,0,13,1,1,2,1,18,26,7,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,2,1,21,3,14,22,3,13,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,8,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317325169990455,0.0,0.0,0.13086330028900747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085987375107365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081724757497204,0.0,0.0,0.16121767344516988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294884171296744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378081787962828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361427555012022,0.0,0.0,0.17883485888457798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212033702951489,0.09463131627666904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636463987288604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920752777272833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085668876803906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751612818292353,0.0,0.14434566425283354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302364460086196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989248440486578,0.31294033352322315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992152528944305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077802742918276,0.1485551237206826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThanosisKing,2018/02/24,Gonna off myself I have nothing to look forward to. I have zero friends and my job gives me panic attacks nearly constantly. After work the #1 thing I want to do by far is to drink myself stupid. I've also seem people ODing on Tylenol or other OTC drugs. I'd love to know which one is the most effective cause I can't go on living anymore. I can't stand being alone all the time. I can't stand being stood up on the rare times I ask someone to hang with me. I wish I was dead. Everything would be so much easier.,1.9099592252803248,3.3336444403669745,3.639755351681959,90.53855249745158,77.07339449541284,6.312334352701327,21.285423037716612,6.937597516519254,0.4099777777777778,400,10,88,4,9,134,79,109,0.119,0.713,0.168,0.5589999999999999,1,1,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,1,4,0,13,4,0,2,1,12,24,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,3,3,3,0,2,2,1,14,2,15,17,3,16,0,0,1,1,4,8,0,3,5,58,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527541253407347,0.0,0.15850045798900425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965611291698256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529023280501436,0.2254810982813833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360598333886334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141837741018996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941605317280507,0.2298490605782509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781293682985564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312881829290628,0.0,0.0,0.19013148770025096,0.11264162012746692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966829043288504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892552947278712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501421970512826,0.0,0.16643807113014492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888322650349767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569979562116012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017823300105527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430544064106878,0.0,0.0,0.2325449801610865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374069152738364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804338242856708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679342057941897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167526443484812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311440125930297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690348751187235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279202035720032,0.0,0.0,0.1442919510798861,0.0,0.0,0.14079558412295776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darth_L_Jackson,2018/02/24,"Fo me it‘s depressing to see people sharing their wish for death and open their hearts about why they can‘t imagine to live any longer, because their psyches are faced with serious pain or emotional detachment and everyone just responding „You matter“, „your life is important“ and „think about the people you‘ll let down by doing this“. I don‘t feel like this makes a depressed, suicidal person feel understood but just even more let down by others, by society, makes them feel like they won‘t belong. Try to show a little empathy, please.",9.79935483870968,9.98456248387097,7.904860215053768,71.51729032258065,58.56989247311828,12.171182795698929,35.804301075268825,11.602472056035307,4.328898494623656,433,16,69,11,5,128,73,93,0.12,0.7340000000000001,0.145,0.1487,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,6,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,9,4,2,2,0,18,17,5,2,1,4,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,9,3,12,12,1,4,0,2,1,0,10,4,0,1,2,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169274653716262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908680592918972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082602909600961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012956731406797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819537982925354,0.0,0.0,0.17099525098137502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714488513875914,0.255685113333656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120576747158112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659788332223747,0.12639831085074385,0.1748527383589863,0.1793558110132712,0.15801692069953788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389022268235396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041637152428567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248124040103442,0.15625302091735704,0.0,0.19643434710454752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260069616305504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195743236555962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466450916133993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149591250689805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614753506296815,0.0,0.20578470020515965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomoutsider,2018/02/24,"idk what to do anymore. i can't believe i've let myself get this bad, my mental health is at it's worst that it's ever been. i have no real reason to live, no friends, no family, nothing at all. i'm 13 yrs old btw. i have lost my mind really i have. i feel so empty, numb and lost and have been for the past months. all i have is myself and my thoughts. all i really have is myself and my thoughts and i hate it. i wish i wasn't like this. i don't see a future for myself at all, this is going to keep on going and i don't wanna be alive if this is all life is. ",-1.6125581395348831,0.130416736434114,1.5764031007751953,99.07809302325585,90.93798449612405,4.370232558139535,13.251162790697672,5.6839178017228535,-1.1721962790697673,425,6,110,3,15,151,68,129,0.255,0.701,0.044,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,1,0,2,0,21,3,0,1,6,22,34,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,7,2,20,2,10,25,6,11,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,6,80,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704803471998554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490602493686221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113563848512264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148535887687884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829672675597898,0.0,0.09026719916595076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792735345109478,0.0,0.09327152576578154,0.0,0.20291883299075655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625568672781167,0.0,0.18976287557838206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868051093766705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255308906337409,0.12609692148056825,0.08721790612198553,0.0,0.1576401386058044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897605044380512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799104034506949,0.0,0.18025854966034688,0.0,0.14249631257874934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129878395369527,0.0,0.1873311160544335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042154856763014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319962260721047,0.2287343467578176,0.18355260993779365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422606731539348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834565456315441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529401863853772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,275Throwaway,2018/02/24,"Life is Garbage 16 year old who doesn’t have any friends at school, let alone making some.
Really awkward to talk to and am failing almost every class.

I really like this one girl but I can’t try my best to talk to her (she’s outside of school, in the only place where I somewhat have a friend group) and I’m very stressed.

Been thinking over the past two weeks what I will do before I die. What I am thinking is to send everyone I know or that’s effected my life a small paragraph that describes everything we’ve done together and how much I will miss them.

Also methods. I was honestly thinking gun at first or jumping but those will leave my body in peices. ( i dont want anyone seeing that )
I’ve been thinking pills or bleach but I’m not sure if that’s painful and if I’ll be successful.

Anyway, I’ll read some comments on this but most likely I’ll be off of here soon. I only have a couple of weeks to live",2.3941865079365066,4.062774777777779,3.439097222222223,91.4453125,76.35449735449734,6.4181216931216944,23.98181216931217,7.1686216300943375,0.8157113756613752,719,23,155,8,16,231,119,189,0.14300000000000002,0.741,0.117,-0.0214,0,1,1,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,5,6,13,0,2,5,0,21,5,1,3,1,29,32,15,1,3,10,0,0,2,2,3,4,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,5,0,3,4,1,17,8,16,22,6,19,0,2,1,0,12,10,0,10,9,98,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460286275891825,0.13921925301870036,0.0,0.1074961442870724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914106506700316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399004308245086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143820715871769,0.0,0.1410661778292091,0.0,0.0,0.14931103785980898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873389118466798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950741117940593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755899358322382,0.15753999929045326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325519413595045,0.12844469040658482,0.12080861165533704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433813520743215,0.0,0.0,0.2077061196487532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387407318132028,0.0,0.0,0.14233205827839734,0.0,0.13745422068397448,0.1898905590881869,0.13134227831689793,0.0,0.1186958955980872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897268268729158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881464351210724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105185893722302,0.0,0.09108691046616874,0.20446592129010813,0.14303304769233674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831971930087455,0.0,0.0,0.14044096802786932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445702494479628,0.0,0.17222661932792116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27208174593966833,0.10711585360006344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397839904982474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668987069869095,0.0,0.0,0.21608445149669844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445252963535346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126279693764013,0.0,0.13130944180141269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109111129359447,0.07928478138599444,0.0,0.21564827269078216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865624906783916
suicidewatch,dyedhankerchief,2018/02/24,"16, 1200mg of Tylenol, one last goodbye As my title suggests, i am 16 years old, and i just overdosed because i have nothing to live for.

I took 1200mg of Tylenol, 960mg of Ibuprofen, and idk how much valsarten but just enough to hopefully make me drowsy enough to die.
I know that tylenol is painful. I know that it is painful but whatever will end it 100% for me is okay.

I’m a 16 year Indian Lesbian from a unsupportive family. 

I don’t know how to express it properly, but i do not think that my life was meant to be lived, and by this point i’ve lost whatever will i had left to live. I live in a strongly anti lgbt household, and that affects the way that I perceive myself as a person. I am 100% dependent on my parents and i am unable to legally hold a job, and I am not even able to drive. There is no way for me to legally gain those rights myself for reasons i’d rather not disclose.
Even if i was able to do any of of those things, i dont think that i would have ever have been able to be happy with myself or the decisions i’d have made. I wouldve lived a life of guilt that wouldve eten away at me for the rest of my existence. Family connections are very important to me and my culture, sometimes that is a bad thing. Arguably every culture has this, but its just slightly different in my case. As much as i hate enforce asian stereotypes, they exist with reason. Simply by existing, i am bringing shame to not only my parents who will not love me for who i am, but i am disgracing everyone who comes in contact with me. Deep down i know this is untrue but… if not even my own parents love me than who will? I am used to being told thatthey are the ony people capable of actually loing. I dont want to live a loveless I am a child bon out of socal construst. my exstance does not matter

I just wanted to tell someone, because i sure as hell am not telling anyone irl. I dont want help to be called. I just want to be at peace ",3.96789081885856,4.321542724565759,5.065918114143923,86.34964640198515,70.88585607940445,8.085856079404467,29.6439205955335,8.012643519586192,1.8019101736972705,1510,57,328,19,26,499,192,403,0.156,0.7609999999999999,0.083,-0.9847,5,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,3,13,15,2,2,13,1,43,11,0,9,2,62,67,22,1,9,22,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,23,12,0,1,11,0,0,4,13,8,0,1,9,0,51,7,54,48,6,25,1,1,0,3,22,13,1,5,6,228,74,3,0.25008352989394883,0.0,0.08134848339786897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668845868584571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828807294451493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832056952725372,0.0,0.06960310048847503,0.10163239908796501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851210816788651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180827236485647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651574031083646,0.08709468705770998,0.0,0.0,0.07294992743112097,0.0,0.293096034510765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383325958725177,0.17226875861456512,0.0,0.16517781290100972,0.07540495678045538,0.0702353866499509,0.07965517663596572,0.0,0.0,0.15717099674655013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873952261881703,0.0,0.08230190360572084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587523951778312,0.0,0.0,0.08279645770994214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827231049660144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832524903738537,0.06795048502255648,0.0,0.0,0.09057216232143607,0.0,0.11776092867515198,0.0,0.0,0.4416566772780393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099857162372048,0.0,0.1504734330947904,0.07887836091747967,0.05564423271154865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225601129678673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998729724111449,0.0,0.08747353201530098,0.0,0.05648769068958809,0.06339993122660084,0.17740433867135558,0.0,0.27768816455680784,0.0,0.0,0.057792143725154885,0.07278776404399087,0.0,0.0,0.07880325663007677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141834672271095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711899893654133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063165444247135,0.0,0.08244633522813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856692243601326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572268533672372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076292327938604,0.10682895201712576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965517663596572,0.09261733449286293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199729158807368,0.0,0.06878170100950552,0.19667432716304944,0.13233644373310893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921738812988586,0.0,0.0,0.10736372929406718
suicidewatch,ejj112h,2018/02/24,"Hey I’m just really concerned about my mental state. I won’t annoy anyone with stories of the circumstances, but essentially my suicidal thoughts and urges have been getting really intense and have been occurring more frequently. 
I recognize that I’m going through a rough patch with life in general, but I also recognize the things I’m going through could be worse. I could be starving or sleeping in the streets or ect
but even knowing that doesn’t stop these shitty thoughts or make me feel any less worthless or like i have meaning and it doesn’t change that I don’t want to be alive. It makes me feel so ungrateful and a bad person for feeling like this, I want to feel happy but I can’t fix my mind. I want to believe things will magically change and be better, but I don’t think they will. 
 I’ve been through really bad situations in life prior and handled them much better mentally than this. I just think there’s something genuinely wrong with how my brain is operating, and it’s just increasingly getting worse. But even seeing that from a logical standpoint still doesn’t change that i want to die. I don’t think it’s something that can get better, because its not entirely correlated with environments being triggered around me. It’s mostly my brain and whatever decline its putting me through. which I can’t fix. so it wont be better and i wont feel okay unless it stops and suddenly fixes itself, which doesnt seem probable. so i dont even know why im dealing with this",6.260213675213678,6.987204073426575,6.408764568764571,77.4147707847708,65.95804195804196,9.852059052059056,33.37140637140637,9.861636050157227,3.2137201243201248,1199,50,221,25,18,383,143,286,0.191,0.685,0.124,-0.9823,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,4,15,13,1,0,6,1,31,5,3,4,0,61,60,26,2,6,15,0,6,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,24,16,0,2,15,0,0,4,14,5,0,0,5,7,27,8,23,42,5,16,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,6,8,149,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725768928215636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569701353832041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755082791331103,0.0,0.0,0.08600194337135006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161327929568216,0.058891573819426814,0.0,0.0,0.10884456539094133,0.0,0.3417690571963561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569381231659746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065965793920023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426786606010245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995990012007988,0.0,0.0,0.10026424944762176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322430581500112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142677825349488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442405069602368,0.06901704838709707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514216788499776,0.0,0.10980954122732248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028414205293636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435363212792333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618688195193422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364747164556151,0.09439595247917852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289736921597704,0.0,0.0,0.10523485121455432,0.0,0.0,0.19471705581751725,0.0,0.09754692725542577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101827768443529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435471400488301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416017707802258,0.0,0.0,0.09711810870743652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856694125691483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698437362112788,0.08794864386840205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085918706472374,0.0966781527951147,0.0,0.0,0.1487477067628684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715157975822654,0.1615378686788103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567389123824704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836463433511344,0.18570825357541612,0.0,0.1533925302788398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279285102083237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717403952406977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969043922905187,0.0,0.10562610138358196,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slimuser98,2018/02/24,"Suicide Notes For those who have written them, do you still have them?

Would you be willing to share them with me?",3.338181818181816,5.563379181818185,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,75.36363636363637,4.4,24.63636363636364,3.1291,-0.09125454545454527,90,3,19,0,2,25,18,22,0.18,0.7390000000000001,0.081,-0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221878364279513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7152364320412888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644961891851663,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rose_47,2018/02/24,"My will to live changes by the minute and its exhausting I'm 19 and I feel like I have a lot to look forward to, Getting out of my shitty community college,going to school away from my small shithole town and away from my toxic parents..being closer to my LDR gf, even the possibility of getting a new job excites me..these thoughts are the only think keeping me hopeful but they also seem so out of reach like a pipe dream. I guess you can say I've been depressed all my life..I grew up in an abusive home..which I'm still in...My brother is moving back to my hometown in June and he wants to get me out of this environment. I'm looking forward to moving in with him..He also has depression we talk a lot about it..and sometimes when I'm feeling suicidal (which is everyday) I think about what him and my gf will have to go through and ""Shake it off""..I have a letter ready to send to my gf if i go through with it..and a plan on how to end my life.. I feel like its getting closer and closer and i cant do anything to stop it. I want to get better I do..I hate feeling like this..I've considered talking to my schools therapist.. if anyone could tell me what thats like I'd appreciate it..also if anyone has taken any anti-depressants can you let me know if they make a difference..thanks ",1.5925000000000011,3.4886297873134398,3.4728895522388084,89.25718507462689,79.48507462686567,6.079044776119403,24.899104477611946,7.087006719466742,0.9995108656716424,1005,38,215,12,25,338,145,268,0.127,0.735,0.138,-0.6,2,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,1,2,2,2,10,13,1,1,11,0,17,2,0,2,1,40,47,18,1,8,5,1,4,5,3,2,2,1,0,0,9,14,0,2,9,1,0,9,1,5,0,0,3,7,30,8,38,40,3,32,0,2,2,0,17,17,0,9,15,129,39,3,0.0,0.12419835191962668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148122699582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128337096319584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658963827044788,0.0,0.08626056259580052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969696951049396,0.08060257092775065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270760258249476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088904719694287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369279615464259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27085220728855225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928422425761616,0.0,0.0,0.06923473539921766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120070392756021,0.22465714640556494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27382897953285995,0.0,0.17872032169407104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547457335649396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034912089992778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514621698452667,0.10411309014563147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402085213144334,0.09317167704734844,0.0,0.0,0.05760808969794098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071888246244047,0.14807945317831092,0.2560566049959261,0.0,0.0925608065986682,0.0,0.1760501762484081,0.0,0.0,0.17823387331020174,0.0,0.0,0.06997030038020946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282094642775227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123890035475742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972276758682294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817240872520555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335961642925845,0.0,0.21217335054469616,0.0,0.09542710496154434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367282573676403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371194342181744,0.08763688939162419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465956798578937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168505836054263,0.09162009761260602,0.09650711969093594,0.0,0.1217078151688099,0.0,0.13433294876559432,0.0,0.08321791242817984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365487920384305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D_Kool_Kidz,2018/02/24,Hey guys. How’s your day going? Just tell me how your day went. I’d love to hear. Anyone is welcome to post. I will read every reply until the day I take my last breath. Let’s not talk about convincing me. It won’t be tonight so let’s just chat about you. Feel free to ask questions if you are curious. Please just leave a comment and we keep talking simple. I welcome you to PM if it’s personal. Dead men don’t speak so my lips are sealed :). If you are scared or something just use a throwaway.,-0.5725641025641011,1.6420189230769218,1.0697692307692321,99.74189743589744,95.34615384615385,3.9271794871794885,17.51025641025641,5.6839178017228535,-0.5526697435897434,384,11,88,3,15,123,72,104,0.095,0.743,0.162,0.8147,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,6,0,0,10,6,0,1,3,0,10,3,2,3,0,17,19,10,1,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,1,2,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,3,14,6,7,13,0,9,0,0,0,1,23,0,0,5,6,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104099055751722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520246464192527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625906233193301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790047901499346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475980962783392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065090650965906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556474298047668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112239830165865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657806099042674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276365157406455,0.0,0.1984394654285876,0.0,0.3832775609845993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691442754000599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363863512645033,0.0,0.20571921274497976,0.0,0.0,0.17948637387381586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994138756230893,0.0,0.18746008788108184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762947544494796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427689074647473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409085245428717,0.3012651089367581,0.1638040517431673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186152553268446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373036564376854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,koufo,2018/02/24,"failure i can’t do this anymore. this morning i tried to kill myself and failed. i slept and when i woke up i tried again. and again. and again. i can never make it go right. i can feel myself being a burden to my boyfriend and exhausting him. he’s probably angry at me for worrying him so much but something inside me keeps screaming for help. i want to die but it’s like something keeps holding on and it’s an annoyance i can’t seem to get rid of. all i want is for the pain to stop and for years it hasn’t. 8 years of therapy and counseling, 3 years of various meds, too many previous attempts to count, and 2 mental hospitals have done next to nothing. there’s only so much someone can take. i keep failing. i fail my friends, i fail my lover, i fail my parents, and im close to failing my senior year of hs. im so fucking worthless that i can’t even die! i think im going to keep trying to die... maybe i’ll succeed at something for once in my life. ",0.9587313432835812,2.9316536666666657,2.888703980099504,92.25216044776121,81.98507462686567,5.811044776119402,23.98034825870647,6.961326702584282,0.8267530348258707,741,28,163,9,20,248,113,201,0.28800000000000003,0.612,0.1,-0.9927,1,0,3,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,0,8,10,18,3,0,3,0,12,6,1,1,2,27,29,16,4,2,2,1,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,7,11,0,6,3,0,0,2,5,14,0,0,3,2,28,4,24,25,4,21,0,7,0,2,7,7,1,1,13,101,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118123037438266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34905189987067115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472563273066155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404642233300585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056685284768015376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661453307419305,0.1036422433792394,0.058571918123443215,0.0,0.12742737050839162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514377707200533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632883480735089,0.0,0.0,0.3985877498247996,0.12403113578620427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918535158441348,0.05477041373916551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483310772902606,0.11366013952222605,0.1126277758773165,0.0,0.12452696000407082,0.0,0.11297871814525084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482488283287108,0.0,0.0864647709145045,0.0,0.11922836435879325,0.0,0.0,0.10757086116052512,0.0,0.0,0.1193915960330266,0.0,0.08526335349230879,0.11929105084627105,0.0,0.1244829117695923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087162307020323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573980777175004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205911346746384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498893143827658,0.2589191557959457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372749222518804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429142978783914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820552048833914,0.0,0.0,0.07183442097510805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283423682604832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224866616834138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385133979651782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887760735996431
suicidewatch,princessversace,2018/02/24,"random, sudden urges to hurt myself so ive been depressed and suicidal for as long as I can remember, ive attempted suiide once a couple years ago an since then I still have suicidal thoughts all the time but they dont worry me because I know I wont act on them, Id never do that to my mom again, but these urges are different, they happen at the most 
 random times, when im cooking food etc, it happens when im feeling fine and its like in a second im suddenly not in control of myself, I get the urge to kill myself or smash my head against the wall (thats the main urge) they only last a minute but it scares me because my normal suicidal thoughts id 100% never act on but these urges arent me and are so sudden, I dont have anyone to talk to, i would talk to my doctor but that would involve me having to tell my mom which i cant do, I live by myself and am on effexor but the urges happened before i was on meds aswell. they happen about once a month. my question is does anyone else have the urges and how do you deal with them",3.1782503770739083,3.7149890271493256,4.572289592760181,88.52320060331827,72.7556561085973,7.34129713423831,24.23559577677225,7.3011,0.8579608446455507,809,21,180,8,15,270,120,221,0.118,0.835,0.047,-0.9557,2,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,6,2,8,6,1,1,12,0,23,4,1,2,3,31,32,20,4,3,8,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,6,2,1,6,1,0,2,8,4,0,1,4,1,33,2,22,25,4,27,0,2,0,0,15,8,0,5,18,125,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914481930943382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426859610253964,0.10570316800545544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577498958415567,0.0,0.08778451602956701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570660562897273,0.0,0.11414841918551245,0.0,0.0,0.1063570093833222,0.08885454696941568,0.0,0.0,0.10778387065366392,0.0,0.10559218464933803,0.090279049251536,0.0,0.24181364091610255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617984292008553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150545409273346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052162550984193874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474567942099395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389865602439496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649084691271845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587548458018003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104386300841995,0.0,0.3343027569835995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141350964461578,0.0,0.056695946063648965,0.08409199844385465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050400461262331935,0.0,0.09109523551365913,0.09129642604942056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145913604686375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416476223286637,0.08234409883797958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913205833304284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107829854275352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973146084188128,0.0,0.07846046891759519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556669832306915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686410286804785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032846321396559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533788981480148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238648172526071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385322816442541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658377815066489,0.09016942134042373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380054604470526,0.12031089988122402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476751313959336,0.0,0.14656874071802314,0.0,0.0,0.06643389339845109
suicidewatch,randomname84639,2018/02/24,"I screwed up I managed to get one of my friends and her parent to hate me earlier. Later, another one  of my friends said that they need to be alone so they don't kill themself and, when I promised that I wouldn't hate myself if they told me I was irritating, they said that they don't trust me with promises anymore. Now I'm sitting here, cutting my arm every so often, and thinking about how I deserve to die. Sorry for whatever's wrong with my post, first time posting.",4.930035087719297,5.354784336842108,5.366052631578949,84.79153508771931,68.78947368421052,8.017543859649122,33.7280701754386,7.793537801064563,2.2920175438596497,372,17,76,4,6,119,63,95,0.25,0.614,0.136,-0.8957,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,1,8,11,5,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,11,14,8,2,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,4,2,20,5,11,8,0,9,0,0,0,1,12,1,1,2,5,53,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410717924479365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965227510768334,0.0,0.0,0.18586700599611872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945089452831692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790665293684575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941654924871154,0.0,0.0,0.2895953549720996,0.0,0.097917490392898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700703804332052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734881041747827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896710827596856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539968125577597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810406604048706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589867836119022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35655239931910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979765158005254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008905378316885,0.0,0.0,0.10928418491500698,0.0,0.0,0.17908468838317956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491074024571926,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VD_454,2018/02/24,"Lost hope Over the past few months I have watched my life spiral downwards despite my best efforts.

For many years I've dealt with depression which has manifested itself in different ways and different coping technique; anti depressants, therapy, meditation, I have tried most recommended things. Yet the only thing that I have stuck with for coping is self harm. For as long as I can remember I have always felt disconnected from people, that I just don't belong in this world, with ""happy people"", regardless of whether or not they're happy or not I just can't fathom even trying.

I am struggling big time right now, perhaps more than ever. It's been so long like, why continue? ",8.263519163763062,8.616169056910572,7.7636701509872275,70.69756097560978,61.6829268292683,10.931010452961669,33.83159117305459,10.608840637214634,3.6670078977932636,546,20,90,12,7,172,94,123,0.16699999999999998,0.72,0.113,-0.7504,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,0,1,2,0,11,1,0,0,1,17,15,7,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,2,10,5,14,11,4,18,0,3,1,0,1,7,0,4,11,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450084400615958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963551505293276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27844766074031985,0.0,0.0,0.3377673700748293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676440653859487,0.1462163468448098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552036895270861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34414631005899343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160549068588239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141740114119123,0.0789711445130658,0.0,0.0,0.2860998917271271,0.0,0.0,0.17645363486720947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388175094551866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290227820591852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293762545552613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430758818322807,0.22412733837711288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831112597947559,0.13804318205815344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686300542915148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898551475002924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848541209506611,0.0,0.2147783209387308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425597725747416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949147275304176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283055662602295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585866220400756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040935036056047
suicidewatch,NecroKilic,2018/02/24,"Don't really know what to say. I'm not very good at writing these sorts of things, or well, generally. Just feels like I've been going downhill for a very long time, nowadays I'm not really any good at anything, most of all I'm no good at making other people happy. I don't really have anything going for me, but I guess I haven't done anything terrible either. I wasn't able to live-up to people's expectations and I don't even seem to be useful for the basic stuff. 

Maybe I've been following the idea that if I do next-to-nothing to begin with, it's impossible for me to have a negative impact, at least. I'm pretty toxic, I constantly let people down when they really needed me, even though in every other instance they and others'd have my back. I don't want to be that again, but it always ends up being the case from me whether I say it will or it won't. People don't really have patience with me any more and I get that, honestly it wasn't just deserved, it was overdue. My memory's pretty fucked, but I can't see myself going anywhere or even being around in a few months. High time for a bit of junk to be swept up and forgotten about, I guess.",4.960928571428575,4.718707616666666,6.435714285714287,79.45500000000001,68.66666666666666,9.523809523809524,26.72619047619048,9.23628265651192,1.976369047619048,908,23,187,16,14,312,123,240,0.094,0.797,0.109,0.6771,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,0,12,9,1,0,7,0,26,1,0,2,1,36,47,14,0,4,13,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,15,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,14,2,1,0,6,4,22,7,30,33,7,25,0,0,1,1,5,11,1,9,11,132,37,0,0.11044009056928987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189500252484407,0.0,0.0,0.15020609747838662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726483532988714,0.0983150952655766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492161258783078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057197516898585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934650334443535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301855663283472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781713988881854,0.0,0.0,0.2188339147071452,0.0,0.09305053954667518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584182814526428,0.07889842276967421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210008412339802,0.0577003890758141,0.0,0.1882969456902401,0.2778957245247409,0.0,0.0,0.2433244217759565,0.0,0.0,0.1175655300361486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668601926818503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246734194387021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069498551899447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129324751521627,0.0,0.053955449707703454,0.0,0.09752062332893864,0.09773600480684694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737196180363588,0.0,0.1109519151339468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815222663248308,0.0,0.0,0.08188992777582209,0.0,0.0,0.1174542892359503,0.0,0.0,0.10597024548694772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062610123860361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471455207644767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35375374999414394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756527855227114,0.0,0.0,0.08800645345699604,0.1005405106145624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642748114166674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337148882144771,0.0,0.10850682824936013,0.0,0.12879700989326978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953847789228941,0.0,0.18224928188323872,0.06514042682184715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992989047434688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xKl1ghLfdfsdfLxcsdew,2018/02/24,"Probably going to do it in a few days. When I get back from college holiday I am going to throw myself on a train track that is nearby the college. I'm running out of energy to keep fighting. I went to the GP over a week ago, he said they would get back to me by Tuesday, still no response. I don't know if I can wait any longer, getting an appointment with the mental health team, then going to psychologists and psychiatrists. It took several weeks to see the GP, what if it takes several weeks between the middlemen. By which point college exams will be nearing, I haven't revised yet and in this state I can't even read a book without getting side tracked by distractions and self loathing. It's not simply a problem of waiting so long it is also how much damage will the wait do.




I've been chronically suicidal for about 18 months, everything is getting worse, I am getting deeper and deeper into thoughts of self loathing and compulsions of suicide. I had a planned attempt 6 months ago but never went through with it for whatever reason. I wish I fucking did. I used to enjoy my own company and could escape everything by playing games, slowly the satisfaction has gone out of these. I can't go 15 minutes without my mind telling me I should die, any infraction and it tells I should go swallow pills or something. I just don't see the point in living anymore. Nothing excites me, everything is either neutral or negative.



Sorry for this mess, I can't sleep because of this and just need to vent I guess.",6.108384879725088,6.656274563573887,6.448333333333338,77.62583333333336,66.2508591065292,9.353264604810995,35.75429553264605,9.2995712137729,3.3040460481099667,1202,57,219,21,18,388,175,291,0.128,0.8,0.071,-0.9398,0,0,1,0,2,2,28.0,0,0,1,3,12,9,2,1,15,0,26,6,1,3,1,43,57,18,3,9,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,14,13,1,4,3,6,0,11,12,6,0,0,9,3,25,3,39,41,4,41,0,1,2,1,10,12,1,5,17,152,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635628037607998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954971980364277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529213900826742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865197203929857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297949694342114,0.0,0.06063873045725383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942229203211107,0.0,0.0,0.0641528216418706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323882352669604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570196750843743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682037929114328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196257013445264,0.3118279160724257,0.0,0.28266824692676884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958237397704806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573673932762516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841750405737357,0.0,0.0,0.05466858240639765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783780385140573,0.08803180010946822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024689694447866,0.0,0.1004408855995603,0.0,0.1587991899086026,0.0,0.0731252014294834,0.07375907954480798,0.07672086496901583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954484633037172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807110649072087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725033298618533,0.09518365989329504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995014168268756,0.0,0.0,0.10227635100249684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462302666269733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853659118521174,0.0,0.2075471911887042,0.22475573603004054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954633690761194,0.0,0.0,0.07658032814834358,0.0,0.11135355598302388,0.0,0.0,0.07944046229185922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176179100532514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479244245257415,0.0,0.17389019086310614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897163969717498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051982699180593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591402736607237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393773253328816,0.0,0.0,0.18442771176307166,0.0,0.0,0.11439076304120135,0.1917797318904461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137301141386226,0.07066382904299562,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TallQueer9,2018/02/24,"Best pill combination to overdose on? I’m not looking for preaching, or a suicide hotline number or “help”. 

I need actual advice on the best combination of pills with or without alcohol to die on. 

Please advice. I’m desperate. ",3.3480487804878014,6.40497112195122,5.451902439024392,70.58029268292684,81.6829268292683,8.158048780487805,32.590243902439035,8.841846274778883,3.865796097560976,180,10,27,5,5,62,30,41,0.127,0.541,0.333,0.8763,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,4,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,9,4,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,18,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.2407407758628225,0.0,0.0,0.4821390873849604,0.0,0.26364416657843714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177867572977746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560326336375541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535586099672175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716342550658956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292276825157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270799325893014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698465787108987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780719382916016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sw___throwaway,2018/02/24,"I could go tonight I have a plan I know exactly which bridge to go to how to get there when to do it. I’ve written out messages for my friends and family. I could go tonight and be dead in hours. I know it would hurt my friends so badly that’s the only reason I haven’t tried yet but god I can’t shake off the feeling and intrusive thought that I could  be dead tomorrow if I wanted. No one cares. No one notices that shit seems wrong. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about this for so long. I could really do it. These thought  have been popping up every night for days.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Does anyone have any tips... distractions etc. I’ll chdck the wiki to see if there’s anything there I can use. thanks for reading.",0.9762341772151899,3.0105643924050653,2.227072784810126,96.6840268987342,82.29113924050633,5.468987341772152,21.26740506329114,6.6274283507984215,0.1945177215189875,586,18,135,6,16,187,92,158,0.192,0.711,0.097,-0.9527,0,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,2,4,0,19,2,2,3,1,27,39,10,2,9,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,9,1,0,4,5,6,0,2,5,2,16,4,17,27,1,18,0,1,1,0,3,5,1,3,9,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918306332276554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019817748416095,0.0,0.12002219769620576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177873385950645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870388821854502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657977190753814,0.0,0.0,0.0940612428465029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763439753916958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266140524465303,0.0,0.0,0.1228849921675565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374944855107476,0.0,0.07374618833683087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536683708785896,0.0,0.1524013056601289,0.0,0.24866990357120125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363296041495632,0.0,0.1561355390061132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404661871854162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907274093938118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814599444945648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687043028882273,0.0,0.0,0.1660512953416785,0.0,0.0,0.1976635926431036,0.11092556649590128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588956015015514,0.0,0.09343530302791757,0.14995818489176455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162236392872566,0.13277644514028064,0.0,0.0,0.14971302253471072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342791682557471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345484917254276,0.0,0.2315773613516124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902263796757113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259676501388193,0.0,0.0,0.08602616254340673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360772003423242,0.15946417862592688,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Renavatio12,2018/02/24,"Noone cares. Noone I care about cares back, Im sitting here, with noone to talk to, noone I ever help, helps me back. Im so tired, and Im sad, sad that noome cares. Why do I care about shitty people? Idk how much more I can handle. I. Sitting here, just in a diner watching all these people who have someone to talk to, while I eat alone, again.",-0.6908333333333303,1.485976027777781,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,94.27777777777777,2.8800000000000003,12.755555555555556,3.1291,-1.7664377777777778,262,4,62,0,10,82,47,72,0.193,0.5710000000000001,0.236,0.5802,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,6,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,5,8,8,3,12,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,9,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433629194574613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432049613622528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7104407369278835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260141562940332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260602869372232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868219020880997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516024003458132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244660077699563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932311755557848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808038895629434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402669027375474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017532936022805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575190945805922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaceLJackson,2018/02/24,"I'm so fucking lonely that I want to die. Sorry for the huge wall of text but I needed to get this off my chest.

I'm 17, almost 18, and I have severe Social Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Body Dysmorphia. For the past ~2 years I've been going to various residential treatment centers (my family's fairly wealthy so they can afford them (sorry if that seems pretentious, just want you to understand my situation better)). Right now I don't really have a social life. I have a bunch of friends that I made at treatment centers but they all live across the country. For most of my life I barely talked to girls at all because I was so anxious. At a therapeutic boarding school I went too about a year ago there was a stupid dance between my all-boys school and another therapeutic school that's all-girls. I was so horribly anxious that I stood alone or with some close friends for almost the entire dance. 

Then, a very attractive girl walked up to me and asked me to dance. I was so surprised and anxious that I initially said no, but then a friend made me go up to her again and ask her to dance. So we danced, and talked, and it was amazing. It was probably the best experience of my life, I couldn't believe it was actually happening. After the song finished she wanted to talk to me more but I couldn't tolerate more anxiety so I said no. At the end of the dance she even went up to me and said goodbye.

I realized, what the fuck, this is what I've been missing out on my entire life. Before I had thought that I was disgusting and hopeless and that I'd always be single but this had brought to my mind that possibility that I wouldn't be. Then I saw pictures of myself at the dance and It absolutely destroyed me. I thought, holy shit I'm ugly. I thought, how could that girl possible have wanted to dance with me. So that was kind of when my Body Dysmorphia ramped into full gear.

Anyway fast-foward to present, I'm back home and I'm going to an outpatient treatment center and I have no social life. I just so desperately want to feel a connection with some girl like I did at that dance, or just even to have actual in-person friends. I can't live like this any longer. But I'm also too scared to kill my self and I don't have access to carbon monoxide or a gun anyway. I don't think anyone understands just how bad I've gotten.

I'm good at talking to girls now and people seem to like me a lot but other than that I haven't improved with my treatment really at all despite being in fancy treatment centers for over 2 years. I'm 5'5'' and super skinny with an average to below average face. I got really into the gym for about a year and got in sort of decent shape but I stopped going regularly because of the anxiety and depression.",3.8780545664945687,5.236711760948907,5.061734021719783,82.57851255118392,71.9014598540146,8.33904219334164,27.23446679722272,8.841846274778883,2.0344057682036683,2167,76,431,41,41,717,239,548,0.189,0.6990000000000001,0.112,-0.9943,1,3,0,1,0,2,54.0,1,1,3,3,30,29,7,1,25,0,35,13,6,4,3,81,82,47,2,11,16,0,1,3,4,1,5,4,1,6,25,29,1,1,10,11,0,17,11,14,0,0,30,6,61,15,69,45,14,67,0,5,1,2,31,31,3,13,22,294,86,3,0.0,0.0,0.13822880210777666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278156020376469,0.0,0.14184081863310846,0.0733527222709606,0.0,0.05663824971126352,0.05893157714986742,0.0,0.0,0.0481630228996126,0.07426556212784044,0.16254142395251805,0.24003424900923415,0.0,0.04952206951962713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242251294184393,0.0,0.0,0.05445959438934563,0.059135418397739566,0.08634779773679781,0.0,0.06026635072366261,0.07979484931022802,0.0743258417191909,0.06263842921309425,0.0,0.1573398916405376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654752298133942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200190952234315,0.0,0.07350454886874809,0.0,0.081170902092263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627293995054718,0.0,0.0,0.09355770080522134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927985654091935,0.0667669441976653,0.0,0.03581094633130446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188750331324846,0.13095203915793555,0.037002827542002674,0.0,0.16100456212191766,0.0594041492264339,0.11328949046356915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062629785915339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104265115419499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835670871599304,0.07375271725861815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25012685279963065,0.1038036778848452,0.0,0.12507849131096713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060212374960199565,0.0,0.13403152568341187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151245754039531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052515397616026326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760990687473624,0.04910072360720796,0.06184113711558095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968774626197302,0.0,0.0,0.07636068557226475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611577890233162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060483653419310224,0.2021106784204656,0.0,0.07090758309582128,0.21503423174770667,0.0,0.12895175352690816,0.07388529884475398,0.08001141633641139,0.07270023218827554,0.0,0.07960959670783195,0.0,0.21658968003585774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585642419752398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059212372445165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277038902885236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045381417854875684,0.0,0.1686799951143903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746140313305448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843755003383544,0.20887034024451653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313098627914394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243437456058686
suicidewatch,fuckfuck1213,2018/02/24,"I’m at the end of my rope here I feel like such a piece of shit. 

I’m tired of my depression and anxiety
 
I’m tired of telling a few of my friends and family about my problems because they have their own issues to deal with and I don’t deserve to have them try and carry my burdens as well as their own.

I’m tired of sending out blatant cries for help and having most of my friends ignore them or think it’s funny and that I’m trying to meme or something.

I’m tired of having to see a counselor and talking and telling them my problems but leaving not feeling any better even though I say “it was a good session”.

I’m tired of having mood swings from cripplingly depressed to enraged and irritable.

I’m tired of generally being emotionally dead to the point where I can’t cry anymore if I feel sad.

I’m tired of remembering my rape and the pain and anxiety and depression it caused me.

I’m tired of hating myself because I let all this happen to me. I chose to be this “stone-cold” figure because I didn’t want to open up or trust anyone with how I really feel.

I’m tired of posting shit like this on my social media because it’s nice at first but my feelings generally never change.

I’m tired of being alone because I don’t want anyone to have to deal with my issues and just choosing to be alone instead.

I’m tired.
And I just want it to end.
Maybe it will be later tonight, or a few days from now.
I don’t even know if I’ll have the guts to go through with it.
Maybe I’ll just drive off into the horizon and never look back.
Probably not though, killing myself is a lot easier.

I think I’m done.",3.2784502487562217,4.2123225402985085,4.5773320895522405,87.10669465174131,72.85074626865672,7.254975124378109,26.794154228855724,7.492282038375204,1.287012437810945,1261,43,271,14,24,418,154,335,0.287,0.613,0.1,-0.9974,0,2,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,6,2,16,25,6,0,11,0,22,16,3,2,4,62,52,28,2,7,13,0,5,2,2,1,12,1,0,0,11,22,0,1,11,0,0,3,9,15,1,1,3,8,34,9,46,42,8,24,0,4,2,1,17,10,2,8,12,175,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638288724469585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041491179223045696,0.0,0.09335011171592143,0.0,0.060508861528744164,0.08532392438147836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691551018158556,0.0,0.1859658995491329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396136156460933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267753092540908,0.06454404819739262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404062904800498,0.03934857176357131,0.12580419677214866,0.15765216099795706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062437853955397936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863182144182299,0.10807946016430374,0.0,0.0,0.08059750194452077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751796878809914,0.0,0.1542509484377667,0.043587958871286483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051897935581326035,0.0,0.0,0.09427754613823283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0346753003681493,0.051175114304678436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395391559060998,0.0,0.0,0.06023806453844231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089597125599391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273641988524598,0.0,0.0,0.06750224651470961,0.0,0.0335313487852399,0.0,0.0,0.06460434200967853,0.0,0.06239029766837222,0.0,0.05961609472490234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123585849175728,0.0,0.0,0.0518713795462154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259224820417565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941145341306786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492252022188932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057677349499265215,0.0,0.05843393630786582,0.0,0.0657827250020671,0.1167630971226436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03908672281148511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911624667738131,0.0,0.0,0.04852027532503275,0.0,0.0,0.048619751054969934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525868110761956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219544020289047,0.0,0.04697106784553698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904023020646955,0.10665673744414482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818979907208932,0.11989063915241525,0.0,0.0,0.7713847414507995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284813720021937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796178727643957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485834093993746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,caffinatedCat88,2018/02/24,"I don't know why but i just dont want to keep at this I finally made it. I have a steady job, kitchen appliances, a bed to sleep on,n and an apartment. I just don't want to get to really know other people. Relationships just seem so complex and difficult. Then there has to be trust, and I cannot trust others. They will try to fuck me over. Why is it, that when I have so many things and can support myself, that I just don't want to keep living? Fuck going on. Fuck the future. I don't honestly care what happens. What should I do. 

If i totally didnt care, I wouldn't be posting here would I? nope. I do care. I work so hard. I just dont want to do this. What everyoneelse has so easily (seemingly the social skills) I find very difficult. I don't reall know any one, and no one seemms to know me. I don't want to know anyone. I just want to take and not give and I can't explain why.",-0.7069066317626493,1.3841389790575924,1.723174083769635,96.88294611692844,91.14659685863873,5.4869982547993015,16.335296684118678,6.996647511020387,-0.15122530541012225,679,16,164,11,24,230,94,191,0.242,0.675,0.083,-0.9791,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,13,12,3,0,5,0,26,5,1,1,1,39,55,15,0,10,9,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,12,7,1,2,10,0,0,1,15,5,0,2,2,1,25,7,14,47,1,10,0,0,0,3,5,4,3,3,4,111,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724457294112934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942423213712536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474353772300888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662514680103124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244314515232703,0.10381850025984288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150342440592368,0.059345685528373375,0.10896514175434843,0.06455537824423545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044658277592523,0.0,0.1017536407262739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127197857129156,0.20192665712869065,0.0,0.0,0.3121283566239628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030137295965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748087784733333,0.0,0.11516165277328201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394200671175806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874847129185726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087870853490511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276817067576795,0.0,0.0,0.12195232564838765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068147415073465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367126484432895,0.11578991745525904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889971444770404,0.0,0.0,0.08540496615431653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546363849687376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711963237531322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372301247573488,0.40198723238493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074898427762864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269431378046566,0.0,0.0,0.08069053142071496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway991332,2018/02/24,"Thinking about it I don’t think I’ll actually kill myself, but I also can’t remember the last time I’ve made it through a full day without thinking about the different ways I could do it. Fantasizing about simply not existing yet wondering how ppl might react if I died.",11.282075471698114,7.378682962264152,11.220471698113208,61.81674528301888,59.0,15.128301886792451,45.367924528301884,13.023866798666859,5.725611320754718,219,10,40,6,2,74,40,53,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.8294,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,14,10,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2382488321363797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524146403925205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492871391600186,0.0,0.0,0.15745235621853526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25338240160739195,0.2550779880590428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701086033731252,0.0,0.0,0.19900953310395375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310144772768276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589976655823498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765669859054495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693118788450633,0.0,0.0,0.14236203476996004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378974168632668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353456160484886,0.26476320490636995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roundfish,2018/02/24,"Trying to be productive This is kind of a last effort of sorts before I truly just give up. Does anyone know anyone hiring in Florida? I have realized my suicidal thoughts come from feeling useless due to lack of finding work or being a desirable candidate for literally every job I have applied to in the past few years. I’ve got a 1.5k per month student loan which if defaulted will void my professional license that took 8 years of education to get. My parents told me I have until may to get my shit together and pay all my bills and the rent because they are leaving the country, I’ve been out of work since I graduated in may 2016, I’m pretty sure my brother and everyone else thinks I’m just not trying hard enough to find a job. I think I’m just gonna go down to the shooting range and rent a shotgun in the corner when it’s least busy...",6.6882091503268,5.94469043529412,7.4637254901960794,75.19454248366016,65.23529411764707,10.614379084967322,34.771241830065364,9.994966539143718,3.3030457516339866,674,27,131,13,9,226,116,170,0.087,0.833,0.08,-0.4774,5,0,0,2,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,4,4,1,0,10,0,11,1,1,0,2,27,28,8,1,3,6,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,4,6,0,0,8,0,5,3,1,2,0,0,5,3,14,2,22,17,5,19,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,5,8,77,18,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079758626850746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624691326929524,0.0,0.1343508551043306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360063252336762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816864309948013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318949640864984,0.0,0.0,0.16314026253610892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330272477673654,0.1508685211788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983279564689144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886131052273007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497967644801195,0.15146032664960354,0.08973125275148297,0.0,0.12627726530103575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141436420988025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313358479401422,0.0,0.0,0.16441580601748235,0.08677098398577131,0.12869959771218248,0.0,0.16718034105447932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602450400195753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531567315049082,0.0,0.15072173265965652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062861398569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620695171267971,0.130606386957309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727035836403717,0.0,0.148807345637674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233620325232607,0.0,0.12534524551146506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508685211788932,0.17541911123149842,0.21439085055283105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298883399884039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033490822683498
suicidewatch,GryffWolf,2018/02/24,i just wanna die im 16 and my parents dont want to put me on medication ,-3.7766666666666673,-2.4391475555555555,1.8277777777777795,92.645,107.88888888888887,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.08068888888888859,56,2,15,1,3,23,17,18,0.28300000000000003,0.7170000000000001,0.0,-0.6276,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861453765156228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360581407682464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018947211075497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748169732696659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131348448712672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37402871771268004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219453945144766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jerome133769,2018/02/24,"My life is over There's no way I can ever move past the events of the last few days. I can't bring myself to explain again, theres multiple posts already on my account about the situation. 

I don't care what anyone can say to me, there is no moving forward from this. My life is over. I can't eat I can't sleep and I can barely breathe and I've been crying so much my face is sticky and its never going to get better because I can never forgive myself for what I did. I don't want to take my own life but I can't stand to be in this pain for much longer.

I don't want help because I don't deserve it, she did.",0.21650452488687572,1.8640102205882376,2.3723529411764694,96.68712669683259,82.82352941176471,4.7728506787330325,18.54977375565611,5.369823440869387,-0.5573013574660632,474,11,115,2,13,160,78,136,0.154,0.83,0.016,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,0,20,8,3,0,3,11,28,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,1,5,12,1,0,0,3,1,21,3,14,24,4,20,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,9,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944499483620245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123208755144033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482956531861255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584168760282216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965583537784222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355625240454585,0.11363960527670396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803048102347482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593902557981853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206142559233288,0.0,0.10014308703157852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181085315843946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363306673445758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733828387279723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37456251005584457,0.25906636102822106,0.0,0.27180499901428945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749777287760752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682105078047831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875858917292616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012770194008387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806521421733056,0.17633529038011234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248651299296604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786412892407952,0.1398657364094507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tiiimooo8,2018/02/24,"Feel bad for feeling this way but... I'm hitting an all time low and I really want to let the emotional pain out yet can't. I'm so desperate that I wish that I have a best friend who commits suicide just so I can let out my pain. I can't even cry properly what a loser. Right now I can only hide it since I live with 5 other family members. I'm sorry for feeling this way, I know it's very very wrong...",-0.0799375780274687,1.687603752808993,2.7183520599250954,93.1865418227216,84.50561797752809,6.202746566791513,20.001248439450688,7.3871296695380915,0.4581975031210983,310,9,74,5,9,109,62,89,0.26,0.5379999999999999,0.201,-0.8351,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,2,14,17,4,1,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,9,2,6,14,2,9,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856159263297194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672338369743013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544442791803648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014389926305065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751908933169955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773371752487806,0.0,0.2698956749518409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746594000170026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977840126116433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638847749980029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711277925106315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353214826601624,0.3786536937011836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398457666661145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519486650081248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718303288445928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991746821172573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462323261812192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037506503383551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936167778235396,0.10494594015319336,0.2824603028658141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046072410058932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194535216402458,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway82888772,2018/02/24,"I just have one more thing to finish. Then I'm leaving. It'd be nice to have someone to keep me company in the end. I've already been paid to finish something I'm working on, so I need to finish that before I go. It might take a couple hours, so I have until then if anyone wants to be kind enough to keep my company.",2.262173913043484,3.018137246376813,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,75.08695652173913,6.679420289855073,23.94492753623189,6.742157984588678,0.7025049275362321,246,7,55,2,5,85,46,69,0.0,0.903,0.097,0.7351,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,17,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,2,10,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,8,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26382849185296753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671688798405467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343774887193075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26453523339547313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175212486311334,0.24703145904764684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587352346246082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354436480247757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250069805380066,0.0,0.2489629219641826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531490567243037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25362395163214124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772732900504627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200542410016888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256999344740945,0.18405390641776967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975688452596772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588327841109542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101438469469116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405161412195005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Facebooknofacebook,2018/02/24,"I'm apparently not doing anything I'm actually kinda happy about not contemplating methods of suicide for almost a month.  And my husband is mad because I'm not doing enough.


Apparently me being alive isn't enough.  

Maybe if I stopped the healthy eating and vitamins I could plan and complete and he could go find someone else... Maybe he would be happier?  He ain't happy now so... Do the kids need me that much?",4.815769230769232,6.573395961538463,5.96974358974359,75.4169230769231,70.15384615384616,8.276923076923078,32.230769230769226,8.841846274778883,2.891676923076924,327,15,57,6,6,109,55,78,0.11,0.7090000000000001,0.181,0.741,2,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,11,2,0,0,0,16,16,6,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,11,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.186967295612174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918528835008776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766485355670873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679341771571225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088179282243254,0.0,0.0,0.3059431112524555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960476435044455,0.16005150827073447,0.0,0.0,0.3959339199859671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511268575817554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088868133925023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407908982809388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849621809141332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529278398480514,0.0,0.14084302444490907,0.14206390738466884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233627062392664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018046852813575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957183040949773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361022904103858,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thewailingwizard,2018/02/24,"Can't control my emotions Recently single. Partner [24 F] left me [26 M]. We fell apart after deciding to have an abortion. we're from a west coast Canadian city. 

I've been heavily drinking this last week and have missed a lot of school. I can't stop crying and feel rather silly and don't know how to open up to my family. 

Every time I get overly suicidal, I decide to write it down in a journal to try and expel my negative thoughts. I've struggled with depression and abandonment issues since childhood. I've been making progress these last few months, but this break up has sent me spiraling down. 

Looking for encouragement or advice for moving forward, anything really. ",5.0183333333333335,7.00369511904762,5.619238095238099,77.2174285714286,70.03174603174602,8.84952380952381,30.853968253968247,9.3871,3.0804501587301583,539,23,91,12,10,174,95,126,0.118,0.8029999999999999,0.078,-0.6161,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,4,0,8,1,0,3,0,23,16,8,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,3,5,1,0,4,4,4,0,0,4,2,9,2,17,12,3,24,0,3,1,0,5,11,0,2,10,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084599474279107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071618153898426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904681357031128,0.0,0.0,0.2145291103704958,0.0,0.0,0.16821256901525153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132074629760626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968747388894985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645496173933333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411251516895966,0.0,0.09875011472919323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203677476914676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038436291065421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733238832897564,0.3183929596025342,0.0,0.0,0.2121952390005047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400375347938426,0.0,0.0,0.16603802871970402,0.0,0.0,0.13036501455406074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588749120008508,0.2075741833760908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511489884224575,0.0,0.19283629531269006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765516069991426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155510516562846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632804818463107,0.0,0.2041711356948816,0.0,0.21362772730724985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504727442797553,0.1138816540054129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259664100092028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566587785819596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trashumanbeing,2018/02/24,Help? I’m goimg to be real straight forward with this. I feel isolated in this reality and the thought of existing on this planet really pisses me off from time to time. I’m actually 14 right now but I feel that when I get older I’m like to go mental and plan a massacre and like shoot up some school likely as a suicide attempt. Could anyone help me out? 🤔,0.6300300300300314,3.0077427837837902,3.084234234234234,87.59484984984988,87.37837837837839,5.991591591591593,21.735735735735737,7.3871296695380915,0.996917717717718,282,10,58,5,9,97,55,74,0.156,0.6779999999999999,0.166,-0.2159,0,0,0,1,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,10,6,1,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,3,12,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,9,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.2494465857212606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787342575665267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040904113122756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584965841439103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355001058590393,0.0,0.14527376962850594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426711142455982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746465662560701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576031225830909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909495853899764,0.1637556273474905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829663004142003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25869936465116306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796049297704041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029323759793396,0.2981061706893917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,O31George,2018/02/24,"The feeling is unbearable I don't know what to do, I have this feeling of unrest in my chest that keeps getting worse everyday.

I've always hated my life, I don't have any close friends, I mean I know a lot of people but I'm not in contact with any them, I've had suicidal thoughts for quite some time now but I didn't believe I would actually go throught with it.

But lately my life has gone downhill to a point where I don't think I can handle it anymore. It seems impossible to find a job, got scammed out of the only opportunity I had to earn some money and was left with nothing, my country's going through an economical crisis and I see no other way out of this.

I can't stand this feeling in my chest, I want to cry but I don't, I always shut myself off. 

I just needed to tell someone about this. ",3.8376761699838577,4.227159911242602,5.274007530930607,84.61487358795054,71.18934911242604,7.8022592791823575,28.973103819257666,7.686295010490155,1.6095988165680468,631,23,137,7,11,213,102,169,0.14400000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.07,-0.952,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,4,3,1,0,6,0,16,4,2,0,0,31,36,6,1,3,6,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,10,0,1,3,8,1,0,0,7,4,23,2,22,28,3,20,0,0,1,0,4,11,0,4,4,91,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.15854909770798173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703792043668194,0.0,0.0,0.2209728712737744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112842681134484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830501482609501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846770821368274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464519611970733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849633586063532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552535537023116,0.0,0.08488484064058195,0.0,0.1846730034699664,0.0,0.12994358786955998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604073242830506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122825041269084,0.14441245356631188,0.0,0.0,0.17858056959348442,0.0,0.1832753339261927,0.0,0.17652615038058264,0.0,0.2295173579989377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812776462246762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769794848999084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047082490528853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589613076930522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356717016544876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263753003750945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358842246684715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728088212897482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946903646047034,0.1479082785772265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766187903841307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771784368834026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420075661565863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410540703361323,0.0,0.12898450790268284,0.09473864764939983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958301120425152,0.12896259937107296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557270485923345,0.11541534721300906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heybros1998,2018/02/24,"im done i quit my job 2 months ago and i have nothing going for me. my whole life people have looked down on me.i lock myself in my room the whole time. i choose not to go outside and try to not communicate with anyone. i seriously need help but i wont go get help. ive been socially awkward for probably 3/4 years. im sure i have bipolar and depression. my parents see me in this state and they dont care, they just look at me with disappointment, they never ask how i feel in a genuine way. they know im hurting and struggling, but continue to say ""just get a job"" . as easy it sounds i literally dont think i can handle it mentally .. i just cant.all my fucking life ive been a disappointment to many people. all my teachers hated me and some of them intentionally picked on me.FOR EXAMPLE i was doing a project with some classmates.. i seriously did try... but everyone esle in my group got As and i got a D... at the time i seriously didnt think about it because i was so used to getting bad grades. i can go over so many fucking things about being picked on by my teachers, they have a part in my mental health. i do think i can get better with the right help. but right now i just wanna dont wanna  live. i much rather stay in a room doing nothing. i dont think ill ever be loved. i have no intention on hurting anyone. im just so sad and wish life can get better.


im 19 years old and i feel worthless",0.5188311688311664,2.717621346938777,2.8552937538651872,90.45961966604824,85.53061224489795,5.740507111935684,21.153988868274574,7.106945922332613,0.5864367346938772,1092,36,240,16,33,373,141,294,0.191,0.706,0.103,-0.9817,3,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,6,3,14,21,3,2,10,0,28,9,0,6,4,49,58,19,0,5,12,1,2,0,0,1,6,2,2,0,5,13,0,0,8,0,0,4,10,16,0,0,9,7,45,5,33,46,7,36,0,7,3,3,15,18,2,2,11,155,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092886711422536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189732388869283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480364292396649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680955713212539,0.04877667464301153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153432337391822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158108235192926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891718842368877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188358444139594,0.3751100382104137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237855401144724,0.0,0.07645818989358485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091642977090073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794598531199096,0.2090238462582779,0.0,0.1818984930362522,0.0,0.12799132720577008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899868960491985,0.0,0.08505267991440173,0.0,0.0,0.16089800514501376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131638477402036,0.0,0.4321520747371471,0.0,0.1588059718198577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397439783326697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955183254136996,0.0,0.0,0.07065510685183156,0.0,0.13438564843161194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221706615553747,0.0,0.0,0.1622462114292908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612735042228252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386756748812457,0.0,0.05882056123923879,0.05933044108601936,0.0617128465702641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355396145777694,0.0,0.08396275300541703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884768621260386,0.08664893312410958,0.0,0.11094527401500047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627018669379184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510627862585315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666551140294425,0.0,0.06363149611988897,0.0,0.0,0.06376195270697796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156567301882557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528582155635933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364951984109405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541361313427744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053158708441304776,0.2050826737046012,0.0,0.0,0.09331530281046682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865047416736257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910765658360525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351253849469968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866878115250678,0.09201381672988264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030546506671456
suicidewatch,FullMoonpai,2018/02/24,"I don’t know if i can do this anymore I’m tired... not of life, of everything in it. My life seems fine but i can’t shake this feeling everyone would be happier without me. I just moved from my parent’s home with my fiancé and my 2 best friends, money is tight and food is low, i’ve cooked for them for 3 nights and chose not to eat but a piece of bread to make sure they stay healthy. My fiancé and my very best friend became very quick friends pretty much over night and it raises my anxiety and stress through the roof because i’ve been cheated on like that in the past. I’m tired. I want to go to bed and never wake up for some reason. I wish everything was for me how it is for normal people. I have hallucinative(?) nightmarish moments in life where reality fades away and all that’s left is me watching the very worst case scenario happening. I hear my darkest fears yelled at me from what seems like nowhere and i’m tired of taking meds that even after changing prescription over and over only make things worse. I’m tired. ",3.1426951357466066,4.819844100961539,3.648110859728509,90.6998303167421,74.33653846153847,6.817194570135746,24.254524886877828,7.5105763829236425,0.9244430995475112,815,25,174,10,17,255,128,208,0.172,0.616,0.213,0.89,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,2,5,15,1,3,4,0,13,12,1,4,3,35,29,14,0,5,7,1,2,2,3,1,7,2,2,0,10,11,4,1,5,1,1,3,6,6,0,0,2,5,22,9,29,25,7,25,0,1,1,0,7,13,0,4,10,106,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212824539373555,0.0,0.1064698592595404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086596879245674,0.0,0.0,0.06544417677620433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253302876044513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135700714572676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098535935414892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709086609126437,0.0,0.0,0.10258475658715853,0.19297211867716052,0.0,0.0,0.1208071107750482,0.05428321193257956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981719693378013,0.0,0.2488325713392613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610137797457213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493594250991673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209997812402216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768839374357322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900091153179475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166443113644661,0.0,0.22748947489302884,0.10489896941704227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332402008926173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925005561646225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410410427204698,0.07892016493518436,0.0,0.08280077454779483,0.0,0.0,0.2014956092574317,0.10518762211693684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165026790721881,0.0,0.0,0.11920787395225718,0.0,0.10248494607401756,0.07442821982291896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109221242031767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038145991118514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546859502173725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442888272494975,0.0,0.0,0.1229777310078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011832369757304,0.0,0.08071953005086084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132359755742178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935669242622728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26574371009020964,0.06332227493252109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345590452805652,0.1034888641408722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940653323838448,0.07626373581210227,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kkden_,2018/02/24,"Life isn't fair. Didn't ask to be born yet here i am. i also didn't ask to be born with this ugly face either.

it's so amazing how much your life can be altered just because how attractive you are, by something that doesn't matter or should matter yet it does. People look more kindly on attractive people. they are more friendly looking. they don't even have to try to be loved. being born unattractive leads you to a life of being rejected, depression and loneliness and you cannot change that. what is the point in living if you were a failure from conception?",2.667616707616709,5.051385360360364,3.4409500409500424,88.36570024570022,78.27927927927928,6.198525798525798,22.703521703521705,7.348242739294969,0.9604882882882879,449,14,86,6,11,142,74,111,0.184,0.6509999999999999,0.165,0.1449,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,2,1,9,8,0,0,3,0,20,5,1,3,0,13,25,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,2,9,6,11,15,4,9,0,2,2,1,11,3,0,2,5,66,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834259203685387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935917721029188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283232811906243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268878504327488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130960779277575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421633523532352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903807002202695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263739874339395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921093353645604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460625420414788,0.0,0.0,0.18588178079909792,0.0,0.3535461873505325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999103474895654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547470686539436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918784787686947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989974171627272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620587850132774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292062189678936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Intensetranquility,2018/02/24,"How do I tell my family? I'll start this off by saying I've been seriously contemplating suicide for about a week now, no particular reason I just don't care to live anymore really. The one thing preventing me from doing so at the moment is the impact it would have on my family and friends. I'm not planning to do this to hurt them in any way whatsoever. I'm just struggling with how I'm going to go through with this in a way that minimizes their pain.",6.203548387096774,5.495643978494623,7.524215053763442,74.24632258064518,66.20430107526882,11.310967741935485,31.50322580645161,10.793553405168565,3.1791135483870976,362,12,74,9,5,125,68,93,0.219,0.75,0.031,-0.9479,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,0,1,5,0,8,1,0,3,0,11,15,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,1,7,2,16,13,0,13,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765850886166346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533849925597215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138249879243188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093890635571568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775712503943466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468044168697584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244634817266224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917332260906789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713556109342668,0.0,0.2310457959262039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910154675544542,0.2232498294659667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267360528698386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368850347516486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22699551404971735,0.0,0.2375092620724336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978461333180105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144254125687462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447015918703271,0.1741717302672782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424570419877287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poptart-therapy,2018/02/24,"Not sure anymore My first time putting anything on here, so sorry if I’m doing it wrong.
I honestly want to just die, everything pver the past year has built up since my grandfather passed away, my girlfriend of a year and a half left me and everything just feels like it’s fallinf apart.
My grandmother is upset with me because I never see her anymore because I’m so focused on my schoolwork and it’s either that or I’m laying in bed trying not to end things. 
I’ve stood atop the seven arches more times than I can count lately and I just don’t know what to do.
My mother and I have never been close, her boyfriend hates me and my father left when we were young.
It all sounds cliché but I’m just so worn out I want to die",1.9193428571428583,3.8987473533333343,2.8272380952380978,93.87600000000002,78.8,5.61904761904762,21.38095238095238,6.5431188927421005,0.2416952380952377,573,16,124,5,14,181,98,150,0.135,0.8079999999999999,0.057,-0.9139,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,4,0,9,1,1,0,4,28,21,13,2,3,10,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,3,4,3,19,3,14,17,3,25,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,2,13,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31935817376166564,0.0,0.0,0.13249786915573128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512746039690745,0.0,0.0,0.19630093365330936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342068228464271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260745511970266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894115942119798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141171383746648,0.11502588704730465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695539389201294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896447062382502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884871243754329,0.0,0.18162678397759696,0.0,0.3498766178157133,0.0,0.0,0.07866156566630755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836234714253824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370267906749518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185995871301145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830447072852302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318949579749412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023800003936927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175042965489596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696817869611856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877729591029061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931551646881196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993625258382196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760396350022189,0.0,0.20737088261278933
suicidewatch,rmbizzell,2018/02/25,"About to get fired. I'm about to be terminated.  My job was all I had.

My ex never let's me see my children.  No girl friend.  Never date.  Just go to a movie now and then alone.

Kinda hoping I do get terminated so this can all be over.  Besides I'm a complete failure.

I failed as a husband, father, son, Christian and engineer.  You name it.  I failed at it.",-1.5260083160083155,0.2960261081081086,1.4597297297297305,94.73568607068607,105.4864864864865,3.8985446985446974,17.854469854469855,5.873414542411696,-0.2127056133056131,268,9,60,3,13,93,53,74,0.223,0.705,0.07200000000000001,-0.8999,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,4,10,14,5,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,2,9,2,8,9,2,8,1,2,1,0,9,2,0,2,5,41,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240514600201941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32805089330800324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417319080079629,0.0,0.3269359314455444,0.0,0.1778180884439185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31076248905889914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104871719509844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199431108324998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826278756413954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493264975767929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eyebrowpants,2018/02/25,"What do I do or rather what do I tell my friend if they need to collect evidence for a case of domestic abuse? Can they record the domestic abuse going down because like I remember an article where a mom recorded the verbal assaults that the teacher would dish out to the kids and then the mom got a felony for recording without their knowledge. Also they’ve called child protective services every time that it’s happened, but every time they’ve managed to not find any evidence and I just wanna help them but they just insist on giving up because nothing will happen and she would rather die or kill her self than do anything at this point because she’s lost so much faith.",9.2553488372093,7.709854651162792,8.070968992248067,75.49156976744189,60.62790697674418,10.770542635658915,38.554263565891475,9.2995712137729,3.497551937984497,546,22,98,7,6,167,90,129,0.16899999999999998,0.73,0.101,-0.8986,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,5,1,7,6,2,0,9,0,8,1,0,0,0,22,15,11,2,7,11,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,13,3,14,10,1,11,1,1,0,0,18,7,0,3,4,68,19,2,0.0,0.3697226746283521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247712636367939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610075802814643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839335395732368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28532989342356063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159316578712315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192688672690925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262911637984626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260188328453466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205427189298114,0.0,0.0,0.14967115097641928,0.0886712723718109,0.0,0.12478557294733092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27594064328596984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457869917922584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261595495544366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622478993651514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703171624803064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654637038892944,0.0,0.0,0.11469460619814685,0.11568882432532546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970794878965238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474918432669496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674325728629434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276566009787533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637068051017506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195613375017544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040027511700144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166804018598685,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreatGomp,2018/02/25,"Do you ever give yourselves ultimatums? I tried to give myself an ultimatum to commit suicide if I was still alone in a year or if I was still failing college. I didn't go through though, actually doing it is scary. ",4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,6.446190476190478,73.78214285714287,69.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,33.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.9048476190476182,171,8,31,3,3,59,34,42,0.281,0.6709999999999999,0.048,-0.8957,0,1,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,9,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,4,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,26,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.2767272650820546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29369708643701625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565088689045255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440599367274939,0.16116160837085575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529250388706436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101838708078543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786099619797522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925280949257615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182612323767892
suicidewatch,thegreatjoel,2018/02/25,"Give me one Reason to live I've hit my breaking point with just about everything. I have zero self worth and I hate my life. From the outside looking in, I look like I got my shit together; Engineering student at a major college, in good shape, decent looking, good people skills. The problem is that I hate every god damn second of my life because I have fucked myself over whenever I get even remotely close to being happy. Instead of a jumbled, incomprehensive paragraph, Ill list all of the reasons I want to kill myself;

I haven't had anything close to a relationship in over a year after my first one ripped my heart directly from my body.

I am totally incapable of talking to girls

I'm a porn addict and whenever I try to quit I fail miserably. 

My dad was out of my life for over 5 years and I've had a crushing identity crisis on me since he came back. 

All of my friends prefer to hang out with my ex girlfriend instead of me

I never had friends as a kid because I gave up in every sport I played so nobody wanted to talk to me.

I bust my ass in school but I know that I'm not smart enough to do the things I want in life

I just don't see the point in all of this anymore. I don't really care how people are gonna feel if I die, they'll be sad for a little while and then get over it, if anybody even cares in the first place. I'd rather die living the life I've lived than continue living with the thoughts inside of my head.



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suicidewatch,chasedontlikeyou,2018/02/25,"My Last Hope I turned 16 in October of 2017, I'm a junior in high school with severe depression and I just need someone to talk to. I think about suicide every single day, I wake up and I have no motivation to live anymore. I take an unreasonable amount of drugs for my age and I go to a continuation school because I failed my first two years of high school. I cut off all my old friends and I am mostly alone now. I am distant from my family and I'm not very social, I can't trust myself while talking to other people because all I ever do is use them to my benefits. I am a toxic waste of human filth and I cannot express that enough. I do not deserve a second chance at life and I do not want one. The only thing I think about anymore is how much I want to die and I'm completely giving up. Anything you want to tell me",1.3446357142857153,3.098325788571433,3.5773392857142845,88.89572321428572,79.68571428571428,6.203571428571429,21.794642857142854,7.1686216300943375,0.6118071428571437,643,19,141,8,16,221,107,175,0.2,0.722,0.077,-0.957,0,1,1,0,0,3,11.0,0,1,1,3,6,7,1,0,6,0,11,3,1,3,3,27,26,10,2,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,4,0,0,29,4,23,26,7,19,0,2,0,0,10,8,0,2,10,99,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389519462356563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26610640909458083,0.0,0.0,0.11040435182356853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356849721773428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406668869402781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652374933570907,0.0,0.11555401250123246,0.0,0.13923955112065264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558597064070628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862578379046525,0.0,0.0,0.12135771244238815,0.11303773943086415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647651720685835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411860121023812,0.0,0.0,0.10365365761003477,0.0,0.0,0.12870094830400272,0.07624767209395318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283500211939033,0.0,0.13325368961176706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093603892075384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476298064009957,0.0,0.0,0.118467994518855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862491526761423,0.0994798349696019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078103347424026,0.0,0.09091201979202564,0.10203666908883208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930114233742839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073390064278756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156549991352014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676182988987245,0.11367549793996184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675206030313726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087354503435178,0.2156695603207799,0.1172639870009878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913164045537998,0.1719318966943082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593033468612154,0.13105732218641564,0.0,0.0,0.115873372020033,0.0,0.11069815896470936,0.2373976538785046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639628707929302
suicidewatch,SomeoneToBelieveIn,2018/02/25,"I'm destructive. I can make people like me. I can be honest, polite, and humble. But in the end I disrupt their lives. 
I struggled and struggled to survive. Recently I decided to divorce my wife of almost 9 years. I filed four days ago, and told her three days ago. She hasn't been served yet.

My existence is a problem. 

My mother stayed with my father only because of me, and spent 13+ years of abuse before leaving. 
I lived with my aunt and uncle and caused stress on their marriage and financial situation, and they divorced. 
I married my wife when I knew she wasn't the one. I knew I had no business marrying her. We had a child just a month after the rushed wedding. It removed her from school and she lost all her dreams because of me. 
We had another child, this one with special needs.
I moved us 100 miles from home and the last 8 years have been difficult to adjust without any support system nearby. 
Lately on top of the divorce, I've been away from home. I got involved with a woman I wish I could spend my life with but now I've destroyed that relationship too because of the circumstance of me cheating on my wife. Also she saw my temper while taking a support call for work and it scared her. I've never been abusive, only to myself when no one sees(hitting myself).

My oldest daughter just told her mom that it's like I don't even live there anymore. 
I'm destroying their lives too.

I'm a failure. I've never been good at anything. I've always failed in school. I can't do my job effectively.

A lady that is one of my customers knows I'm divorcing. She wants to set me up with her sister. She's a very sweet girl, Christian, just a wonderful person. I'd find a way to destroy her life too. 


I've decided that tonight I'm going to end my life. Maybe someone will find this and understand why I did. I've stopped crying about it. I'm ready to roll with it. ",2.2289733333333324,4.392153437333334,3.482099999999998,88.65088333333334,78.62666666666667,5.98,24.55,7.054809383877858,1.0219999999999994,1469,53,293,17,36,477,195,375,0.17600000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.09,-0.9864,1,0,0,0,4,2,48.0,3,0,4,6,14,22,6,4,16,0,22,3,0,3,3,50,47,18,0,5,6,9,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,5,11,21,0,1,11,1,2,4,9,14,0,6,18,2,59,8,38,26,1,42,1,2,1,0,46,10,0,2,26,185,70,5,0.0,0.21716660494275605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624739748013278,0.0,0.09176835330947004,0.0,0.0,0.07328777372298666,0.07625525353124236,0.0,0.0,0.062321147670985975,0.0960968557535278,0.0,0.0,0.09088634657656508,0.0,0.0,0.07541530636213616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610267226056059,0.0,0.0,0.1675962241313976,0.0,0.07798240054137093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357889814258,0.0,0.0,0.09414376100175048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317037673266298,0.0,0.10066676813288424,0.11820575830526645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623389868215364,0.0,0.0,0.060530080304480025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752214011475042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208346822736065,0.07686674409798419,0.07329617868324917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385305933754173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094265322963677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036521444759446,0.07470219352538543,0.10337856483669726,0.09703789610143816,0.0,0.0,0.19419286736584973,0.0895453807891411,0.0,0.32369376580462184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004038831676118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117316512472042,0.0,0.09206884145880112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733249168883484,0.07314946630951122,0.09740320160842623,0.0,0.06795295753446669,0.14136319789836815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484017237136692,0.13939897354414724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353449726474057,0.08002011514839556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769105090004463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048751749504633,0.09839149348842552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175175666025172,0.18549749447133976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301183633754726,0.0,0.0,0.07764976979087257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768044370526388,0.0,0.07661859212608167,0.10497803565544643,0.1916126752302142,0.0,0.0,0.207993334236326,0.0,0.0,0.06890497681429608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513977768910416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954047662205584,0.11023659863769572,0.0,0.0,0.07561600094703738,0.05405407939447382,0.07274284081217625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269456856036585,0.0,0.10538622107603517,0.08834166625687123,0.09938414438159388,0.06671801454052939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770474356585561
suicidewatch,aisteav,2018/02/25,"Suicidal ex So I dated this guy i met on internet. We were dating for like a month but we never met. I know he has a lot of isuess in his life and he has been thru alot. He is transgender, his family is very hard on him for it, and yeah lots of other bad things that happend to him. He is also bipolar who stopped taking his medication. I broke with him one day ago and since yesterday ive been on the phone with him trying to make him to go to hospital and get help. But he wont do that, he lives in anothet country so i cant force him to go, i dont even know his exact adress to call an ambulance. If i cant talk to him he gets mad and says he dont know what will happen if im not on the phone even tho im still texting him non stop. I dont know what else i could do and i dont know how i will survive if he commits suicide.",0.3788297872340429,1.5725404468085138,2.989308510638299,94.55875,80.70212765957447,6.614893617021277,20.26063829787234,7.413659706084162,0.2846000000000002,636,16,163,9,16,223,104,188,0.151,0.8,0.048,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,2,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,6,1,21,3,0,2,3,32,35,16,2,4,6,1,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,9,10,0,2,5,0,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,2,26,1,20,26,3,18,0,1,0,0,34,6,0,6,11,105,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826868496289614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976743616268224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198080397928676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471738017812245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975179006579012,0.0,0.0,0.07876942767235451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5725830991776552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203130261569156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613430631774264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514159928186715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762497347561075,0.0,0.13882859996940353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093662379018676,0.1080069456469936,0.0,0.10941238257774218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186706926227019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26386174622205016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356214767800921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627025304446004,0.05967085272824173,0.0,0.10785080625130272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767609579230256,0.0,0.0,0.08152860359537968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304200066132655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749003226827847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942009793095853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276441812259963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971296834055919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103448515626408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754021083731948,0.20422702708770266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672000667693268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183318419094548,0.09817054833640347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114359768354143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292423407631312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077730903918207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ratdog25,2018/02/25,"Suicide and karmic repercussions? According to your understandings and research, what do you think happens once a soul passes and exits this earth? Do you believe there are karmic consequences? ",8.690000000000001,12.599673333333339,6.0100000000000025,69.78500000000001,65.66666666666666,9.333333333333334,36.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,4.655666666666667,160,8,20,4,3,45,25,30,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647719350621449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36479255295327534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43932332267533625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512329921107324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26432795568386136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294507870719413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bscho89,2018/02/25,Need someone to talk to Going through a rough time with my girlfirend please just need someone to talk to and keep me company. i feel so lost and alone. someone pm me,2.91,5.028847272727276,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,76.27272727272728,5.612121212121212,29.181818181818183,6.42735559955562,1.2332909090909099,132,6,27,1,3,40,24,33,0.14800000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.065,-0.4506,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,6,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25557212116205696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124770822831961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402411396071552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21933435511486293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693710411726145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659433800648478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27087174982034723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272446465067363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39667761765488585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388953080901534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FutureVP,2018/02/25,"Short story long Some people say the hardest part is to start. Maybe they're right.

As you can imagine from the title, the post may be quite long. Since I write this paragraph at the very beginning, I can't say for sure how long it will be and I won't alter it later.

Addendum: Maybe I'll re-discover this post someday and wonder about how stupid at was at the time.

Just to let you know a little bit about me: I'm 22 years old, male, and about to finish my B. Eng. within the next year. Or something like that. Also, English isn't my main language, so in case you find spelling or grammar mistakes, please point them out so I can improve my knowledge.

I guess everything started relatively early. As far as I know, my childhood was not the happiest you can imagine. I was a dickhead, more or less antisocial, almost got thrown out of elementary school for sexual harassment (no, I'm not a teacher) and pretty much fucked many things up. Some years ago, my dad told me that as much other children sang and laughed, I cried and complained. I'm still doing the latter.

5th grade, new school. It started more or less unspectacular (you know, new people, but still the same old shit) and I even managed to find some nice friends, but things got dark when I entered 6th grade. I'd say it's a key experience in my life when I got sick from this one stupid spoiled sandwich from the gas station in mid-2006, because ever since, I'm struggling with chronic stomach pain and nausea. Also, this was the first time I had suicidal thoughts. I don't know if you ever had the experience of feeling nauseous for weeks a time, but I can guarantee that after a while, you want it to stop - one way or the other. Thankfully, the nausea and stomach problems have slightly improved with the years, but everything else is pretty much the same as then. Maybe because of different reasons.

6th grade also was the start of years of more intense bullying than before, something I never really managed to escape, although it seemed much more subtle in the later years of school. Except from that one asshole that's, until today, the only person I'd really punch their teeth out. Otherwise I made peace with the bullies and eventually even became friends with some of them. Sounds strange, but it's true. Things change, people change, and the assholes from the past are maybe just too egocentric to see themselves damaging their folks around them. That doesn't make them better people, but much more relatable.

Anyways, the real shit is still to come.

After graduating high school, I originally thought about starting an apprenticeship in a local bike shop, but didn't sign the contract because my future boss turned out to be a racist asshole with an ego way too huge for his lack of social skills. As we know, the latter two often go hand in hand. However, I eventually ended up in college, in a course I'd still say was almost perfect for me. Sadly, I did not last long and switched to my current course, Automotive Engineering, after just two semesters.

This current course is maybe one of the things in my life I hate most. I hated it more or less from the beginning but believed the older students who said it'd get better in higher semesters. Now I'm about to enter the 8th semester and it still hasn't gotten better, only worse.

In addition to my permanent lack of time, money, motivation, I developed a sometimes mild, sometimes severe form of social anxiety while the depressive and suicidal have thoughts stayed with me for the last 12 years. Often, when I was afraid of something, I became nauseous or got a severe stomach ache and whoops, I got an excuse not to do it. This could be a visit to a friend's birthday party, simply leaving the house to go to the pub, doing whateverthefuckyoucanimaginewithsocialinteraction and so on.

Basically, my mom did a great job at encouraging me to spend time with my friends while also preventing me from going to clubs and bars and staying with my friends until late. When I turned 18, I was somehow supposed to magically make up for all the stuff I wasn't allowed to do until then. Hang out with friends at bars and in clubs, going to pubs for a few drinks and so on. I still don't like going there, partly because it just feels so wrong and I still sometimes hear ""No, you can wait until you're old enough,"" in the back of my mind. I realize that the time to start these things is slowly running out.

Before you think I want to blame my mom for the things I don't do, although I always wanted to do them... well, it's not completely right. It's true that I had a very boring youth, and I'm very sure she only wanted to protect me from harm. Maybe it backfired a little bit.

Other than that, she was the most encouraging and motivating person I knew. I could talk to her about all the problems and... well, even though I trust no one completely, she was the one I trusted most. More about that later.

So now that I'm almost finished with college, I have to do an internship in my future field of work. I got a really good opportunity and used it, so now I have like the perfect job for my needs. Organizing stuff, driving cars, and so on. And still, I hate it all.

To get the job, I had to move out of my parent's house. Which is... technically not correct, because at the time I left home, it was my brother's and my house. My mom died of cancer a few months ago and ever since, it feels like my life is getting even worse. Not only that she was (despite quite a few arguments) my favorite person, but after she died, my dad, who had to leave a few years ago for absolutely stupid reasons and his own bullshitting, moved back in with us. Aside from being my dad, I'd rather like to see him as an acquaintance. I can get along with him for some time, but having him constantly around me is a pain in the ass. His form of encouragement is way less subtle than my mom's and primarily focuses on finishing college so I can get a well-paid job, rather than getting a job I really want to do.

As I said before, I had to leave home and move to a city half a country away where I couldn't find a room until now. So basically I sit here with an underpaid internship (below minimum wage) in an overpriced $1700, 100 sqft guest house room with a cold, dark  shit-house next door and a shower in the basement directly beside the washing machine and the tumbler that's frequented by the guest house's employees. Basically everyone can see you when you take a shower. The thought really makes me uncomfortable and the anxiety to do it is like the end boss of a video game, only that he respawns after one or two days and I have to kill him again. He levels up from hitting me while I lose these exact XP.

I tried to find a room, preferably in a flat-sharing community, emailed many people and only got replies from commercial providers who wanted more or less the equivalent of a kidney as a deposit and charge a shitton of money for their stupid single-room flats.

So well, here I am, alone, burning money as I write this, being stuck in a college course I hated almost from the start, in a city I never wanted to move to, without the opportunity to even do something useful, without my cat, without my precious PC I built for seven years and a stable internet connection, even without a proper toilet and shower.

In the last months, I lost my mom, at least temporarily my home and most of my friends, and gained nothing from all that except for disappointment.

Suicidal thoughts have often appeared during my journey through time and space, and they may be my most loyal companions. After over a decade of them accompanying me on an almost daily basis, I'm tired of living. I haven't even told you a tenth of my story. What's written above is a rough overview over what happened in my life. Maybe it's only there so you can feel some kind of relationship to me instead of me being another block of text in this sub, posted from a throwaway account.

Before you ask: Yes, I've tried to get professional help. It wasn't much use and after it made everything worse and me getting the impression that everything should normally be okay and there was no reason to feel bad, I stopped going to the therapy sessions after about a year.

It's not that I want to die, hell no. I'd really prefer a life I can truly enjoy, but every choice I made in the past seemed to make things worse. I did my research on suicide and the methods and finally concluded that living a life additionally suffering from the consequences of a failed attempt isn't worth it. Plus, I promised a friend I wouldn't do anything stupid. Until now, I've held the promise. But I can't guarantee that I will hold it forever, given that suicide is always in the back of my mind and creeps in my thoughts pretty much every day for over 10 years now.

As I said before, I'm tired of living. And I wouldn't mind if my life ended right here, right now. That would make this post my final notice. Certainly not the worst way to leave.

(Also, if it really is my final notice: I want my body to be burned and the ash dumped in the sea, so no one has to fuck around with my grave. This last paragraph may sound stupid at the end of this post, but that's actually how I want it to be done.)",6.568991596638654,6.538473582633053,6.7501820728291335,77.83653361344541,65.27450980392156,9.442577030812325,31.617647058823533,9.034619377467749,2.522764705882353,7295,252,1387,109,102,2347,603,1785,0.173,0.71,0.117,-0.9991,17,2,6,0,0,3,233.0,2,14,10,20,91,87,18,2,123,2,106,32,11,24,18,267,220,130,10,31,46,10,8,6,11,10,15,11,10,5,81,83,4,8,37,12,10,20,38,40,3,15,54,23,171,47,236,139,54,245,1,9,3,3,96,81,6,40,138,965,252,32,0.0,0.0,0.026336231975353983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176925683021505,0.0,0.13512208187202024,0.027951255893044445,0.0,0.10791080153547418,0.04491207802791377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028299096022750436,0.04129123676632121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0222086870542472,0.07207467939340223,0.025229980774025048,0.0,0.02535595749736655,0.06225593317389254,0.022533713280220444,0.08225766255227193,0.0,0.1148232907154107,0.030406046060271138,0.0,0.07160563546119443,0.058927447717357376,0.029977398501879474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709909772975315,0.023247628471458413,0.05659245889046391,0.029164259879718886,0.0,0.0430951772759212,0.0,0.029644867309697218,0.034809839286546726,0.0,0.023244581025243603,0.0,0.08402732950293801,0.02819654142725908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027617923143991314,0.0,0.02643780197377264,0.0,0.0,0.02254487147616896,0.0,0.095612838532025,0.027885645801101047,0.0,0.12477646422025356,0.07323612011850869,0.0454768265720426,0.0257880309785535,0.0970196964929321,0.052798558484454916,0.0,0.0,0.06822929631574423,0.0192801132942618,0.0,0.08869155572046873,0.0986655617786941,0.0229558369709624,0.0,0.0,0.16680586269411382,0.04989963348188494,0.11280023092499905,0.0,0.09202684460421644,0.02263611389912916,0.15109244810096265,0.029754181168163894,0.029730140694931382,0.0,0.023865251601429167,0.0,0.0,0.10657959115339906,0.0,0.0,0.030417249217430355,0.0,0.01808937558702356,0.028514127309167657,0.08121299088516523,0.0,0.0,0.18684201502141348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339062998538694,0.0,0.02985803864466155,0.02810367507954242,0.07415903614549688,0.0879947436826459,0.03044345114174487,0.11430487368550425,0.029322359529928774,0.02759688773362906,0.1334361320565328,0.07910935200143515,0.054097797266868065,0.0714922529616772,0.09553353182258073,0.0,0.030192481917064532,0.029460407761836005,0.0,0.0,0.07660962039568373,0.09007294048829896,0.05472285352706928,0.1897903396839543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175005391899637,0.1580391192222694,0.043082861658141465,0.1147351818590166,0.13887413765185996,0.02001113621479921,0.04162936112779251,0.05213003458441117,0.057403733151343124,0.0,0.026442346289599763,0.02589555363829643,0.06145165351046216,0.08495757270327435,0.0,0.14630123278163112,0.14367824185328235,0.05743391421118337,0.0,0.0299667947621092,0.0584503864078695,0.051525880688651625,0.09354982661782166,0.07069420444340171,0.0,0.029624536350051963,0.025512225432311148,0.0,0.12923441948407982,0.08236898541465787,0.0,0.051647422806862416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740976480681901,0.0,0.030718062353139664,0.12102367822097987,0.08324396145237611,0.0,0.028974832737423475,0.0,0.09218984772368223,0.07701482803022996,0.0858472320851574,0.0,0.10925251126817127,0.06451742634565981,0.04913741915907499,0.0,0.06097713903848723,0.08310786827536884,0.06697384304957113,0.0,0.0,0.0550213941900428,0.0,0.08310620942711572,0.08007497076987721,0.0,0.13371488976713453,0.057530878284925625,0.1724201464226017,0.04512607366187084,0.0,0.028213542748077174,0.06178922402632326,0.14760154504809286,0.0,0.05087142644674536,0.0,0.020291491745728352,0.02169179789192332,0.0,0.024846770705239017,0.030862939059093545,0.0,0.12550661941913133,0.017292713671418526,0.02651540890691633,0.1285519490350625,0.14163140212309647,0.06203708794712955,0.025581310088322217,0.051576061957107,0.0,0.03664593417084756,0.05871002512554535,0.07908957409370193,0.0,0.03246304018594312,0.06992646796819259,0.0,0.0668033658815536,0.1591812313952254,0.08568674265019764,0.021648011759061187,0.0,0.09706121193520503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040612318315605,0.029267153674696268,0.019647463854303986,0.0,0.1100116298861806,0.019171382251043936,0.029506958774657907,0.0,0.19117207589833848
suicidewatch,faab64,2018/02/25,"Loneliness! I am a very private person, used to be happy and always out with friends, got married had 2 kids and last year she left with the kids and our dog.

I have been living in our old (rental) apartment that is way too big for me and way too expensive, but can't get myself to move out.

It is almost a year since she left, I haven't had any human touch since then and my weekends are basically sleeping in bed watching stupid TV shows of wasting time on internet. 

Never had a good relationship with my family, specially after a few issues caused by my ex and I cut the ties with everyone years ago. Can't think of getting together with any of our old friends since they were mostly her friends and my old friends are all gone for different reasons lost touch with them. 
Have gained over 12kg since then and I am in my worst physical shape EVER. 

At work everyone thinks I am still the same person, keeping my cover pretty well, but the moment i get home, it hits me. Alone and sad!

Feeling so angry and sad all the time and can't get myself to finish anything. If we didn't have kids, I would have no problem thinking of taking my life as I really don't have much to live for other than my 2 daughters that I can't see since she lives in a country I can't travel to.

I am not seeking advice, I know what I need to do, just need to get it out of my head and write it down. ",5.927962308598353,5.007642385159013,6.403335689045933,82.75741813898706,66.84452296819788,9.384122497055358,30.17408716136632,8.447377352677275,1.977351189634864,1077,32,230,13,15,351,158,283,0.153,0.752,0.094,-0.9642,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,4,0,2,3,7,15,2,0,10,0,29,3,2,3,4,48,49,19,0,5,5,2,3,0,4,1,1,0,2,6,8,22,0,1,6,4,1,3,11,7,1,0,9,5,37,8,36,37,7,40,0,3,2,0,24,16,0,3,19,154,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938123622714501,0.08510026990698986,0.0,0.09613246238488754,0.09942945736631904,0.0,0.0,0.079881626152986,0.0,0.0,0.13056974802763147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900173470100476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862083427336253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003019980371244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683960046806498,0.0,0.18346867393400115,0.0,0.0,0.0905024493441234,0.0,0.04854166077631174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966846369383293,0.0,0.2507862659772988,0.0,0.0,0.08052219658697629,0.07678183040357901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219626161157452,0.0,0.0,0.09852608356090636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962981609330503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020148657687447,0.0,0.0853312787470814,0.0,0.0,0.05276036791313468,0.0782547092779383,0.0,0.0,0.208613617070884,0.0,0.06780928226424704,0.0,0.0,0.2543154391729527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479787987912112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020352798879674,0.07057275607516257,0.1423690171729356,0.0740429124773775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30221487668996794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765105686479995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766887941079007,0.0,0.0918612609699064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061501548573567585,0.09870638070675757,0.0,0.10307057068869616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765014246797731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970705823044957,0.0,0.09607165813459673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666758187637772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218180181782016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454324306423786,0.0,0.0,0.11195945711122958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291518625883809,0.0,0.07921197345911787,0.0,0.15240435631582286,0.0,0.0,0.08631762085184404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989083700328264,0.0,0.0,0.06819729823510108,0.0,0.0,0.18546705193009674
suicidewatch,aceCrasher,2018/02/25,"I want to die so badly My father has depressions, my mother is crumbling under the constant stress, my girlfriend quit on me and tries to activly rip my heart out. I am afraid of my future. I have nothing to live for anymore.",4.850378787878785,5.834918431818185,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,69.22727272727272,7.684848484848485,30.57575757575757,7.793537801064563,2.142039393939394,177,7,32,2,3,58,36,44,0.271,0.703,0.025,-0.9273,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,8,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29868737077097124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514708171756581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32546612149865883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594039301305347,0.0,0.3125749249938297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568970499852331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659454458368191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889881465011161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203395794182193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449980623020397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204479903012644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764242333340485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dirtydangler1798,2018/02/25,"Death. Holy shit. The loneliness of a life with no purpose is so painful. I can't even cry, I ran out of tears a long time ago. For the first time in my life, I truly understand space. How vast and empty, terrifying, and lonely it is. I am so tired. I tried, and failed, to know companionship; but my soul is defective. Please know that I really did give life my best shot. Please, please don't blame yourself. If you hadn't given me the gun, I simply would have found a more creative way to kill myself. Whether it be by hanging, or by pills. What you did was grant me a quicker end, so thank you, know that it was painless. Goodbye, I truly love you all.",1.1608766233766232,3.3778583560606066,2.390173160173159,94.71954545454548,82.86363636363636,5.58961038961039,20.034632034632033,6.868970318607317,0.18206320346320395,501,14,112,6,14,160,90,132,0.208,0.527,0.265,0.9402,0,2,0,1,0,1,27.0,0,4,0,3,5,9,2,0,7,0,14,8,1,1,1,17,24,11,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,8,0,18,3,10,14,3,13,1,2,0,1,7,4,1,2,6,72,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460470405079577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729021894505228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097770527601292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592570049041462,0.0,0.0,0.10882037078231292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014212491806452,0.0,0.1806474239120194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804981995060394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227908600507592,0.0,0.27163823093320505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491179876803867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580466144056595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869952411897944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531294524565574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425607629632865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554748140802536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691205780945584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168600684822384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921421328727143,0.1893638062431992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185911214664768,0.0,0.0,0.17151773105697732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077634903375304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703856625555772,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,margin_thowaway,2018/02/25,"Heartbroken and struggling with physical health I am 23, I was diagnosed with r/ankylosingspondylitis few years ago long after I completely lost my right wrist movement. It was a tough time for me physically and mentally, I had to drop out of my college and spent almost 6 months in bed before I was diagnosed.

I have been in a relationship for the last 11 years with the same girl, it sounds untrue and unrealistic to every person I tell. We have been together in our teens and had plans of getting married in the future sometime. It might sound weird, but she is the one for me, I believe in true love and she is and will always be my true love.

So, last December, while I was giving my semester exams, she started talking less with me and almost rudely. Then suddenly one day, she broke up, out of nowhere. I don't think it was due to any single incident, but I was completely heartbroken. I tried talking to her, but she didn't even want to talk to me, she blocked my number and on any social media where I tried talking to her. This has been a nightmare for me since.

I was in depression a few years back, when I had to drop out of the college. But I got strong and after about 1 year, I got into another college somehow. While I was struggling with depression at that time, I had my family, friends, and girlfriend with me, they understood my situation. But now, I haven't told anyone about my breakup, even if I tell anyone, I don't think they will understand what exactly is in my mind. It's not a joke to commit to a relationship and be loyal in your teens. It might sound like I am praising myself, but I have been loyal all these years, never even tried to flirt with anyone. I dedicated all these years to her and thought that she was the one.

I don't know if there is something I did that caused this. Her most common complaint in our relationship used to be that I don't see her often. But I had problems walking and doing other physical tasks due to ankylosing. I didn't know when I would feel worse and would be completely unable to walk, so I tried to avoid meeting when I wasn't feeling 100%. It's not like she didn't know. Maybe people just change and they don't want to carry dead weight anymore. also, I don't know if stress or depression has any effect on ankylosing spondylitis, but my condition has been getting worse for last few weeks now, mainly I can't tie my shoelaces now and I can't sit on the floor anymore. I used to be able to do these two things 2-3 months ago.

At this point I am completely heartbroken, also feel like suicide, but my family is too important for me, I just pray every day that I die naturally or in an accident, that way I won't be guilty, I hope it just ends. I don't understand why would anyone destroy a completely fine relationship. It's depressing, I get same feelings as before. I tried to go out with my friends to get over her, I feel nice for that day. But the next day, it's the same story, sometimes even gets worse. I am completely clueless on what to do and how to handle this, I can't get over her unless there is a way to completely erase her memories from my mind. I don't know if anyone reading this can understand my situation.


English isn't my first language, so please ignore my mistakes.",5.394177018633542,5.7987089145962765,6.007012422360251,80.67113975155281,67.77329192546584,9.483478260869566,30.230434782608697,9.451951473030183,2.5170908074534166,2567,91,513,49,40,836,257,644,0.182,0.7,0.118,-0.9924,0,1,1,0,0,1,75.0,3,1,3,6,28,35,2,4,18,0,71,7,1,5,7,106,110,48,3,12,22,0,6,3,3,8,3,3,1,2,29,32,1,3,18,2,1,4,21,17,0,5,31,10,97,18,74,65,12,80,2,6,1,2,45,28,0,14,46,372,126,5,0.05588633413155293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907972643834846,0.0,0.11192418173702112,0.0,0.0,0.08938456242765297,0.04650190695833616,0.0,0.0,0.1140138709005366,0.05860169415617174,0.0,0.0,0.11084845270509627,0.1953851212338661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042973141289631575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511030824589152,0.06296476079271239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741065975234864,0.0591203312477248,0.0,0.4101703063845169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416824861513294,0.0,0.19253927078583571,0.1134469054908691,0.05800119151429645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949870409776247,0.0,0.0,0.14764958646928195,0.0,0.0941732937273198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536932412572428,0.0,0.14128904866684328,0.03992520827019898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047536887262751897,0.0,0.0,0.08635528623598394,0.0,0.17518981776215076,0.05361126411692958,0.03176149158803699,0.0,0.08939481343757072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940455981903901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055507739783372034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535683384239958,0.13666446410060867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190971978670399,0.0,0.0,0.04945764706604977,0.0,0.0,0.061006535473334435,0.0,0.10087919700377848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614533426900037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056320280198535175,0.118573137738855,0.11285853213968867,0.0,0.08921587743415421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043102986165467934,0.0,0.059435750365543966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136100790717072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874454734111085,0.04879779132727528,0.0,0.06134641252527924,0.05283064981389101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347567414960976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590145776726235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240004031922387,0.0,0.04772662399060437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453417267477587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046229753107062434,0.1256371622189512,0.0,0.05696907971510661,0.0,0.04302403037372052,0.11054602693193877,0.0,0.03955663494369634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401760692748079,0.11684906131670865,0.0,0.061130578820842926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967727375292092,0.09769423864173088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037128397114382164,0.07161941264046255,0.0,0.04436750673635315,0.06517554171620492,0.0,0.0,0.053401787218933086,0.0,0.18971576200002685,0.0,0.05459282784457109,0.17453893430513148,0.0,0.09653569819566007,0.0,0.0,0.06592641567155734,0.08871994147778861,0.044828646228623065,0.06805449910615784,0.0,0.0,0.05042872399051655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085884694945114,0.1191001449293867,0.0,0.0,0.215933801251688
suicidewatch,Thefurryperson,2018/02/25,"I don't know anymore I'm thinking about it, but I don't have the courage. I feel like everybody hates me, And when I ask they always say yes. I feel like just getting rid of this trash that is myself to make everybody else happy. I always have this mask, this happiness that nobody can see through. It's always a fake laugh, or a fake smile. Only some people can sometimes see through the mask. I always lie and say I'm good. I'm sorry for wasting your time.",2.433191489361704,4.137156308510637,3.4286702127659576,91.40875,76.34042553191489,5.976595744680853,23.45212765957447,6.6274283507984215,0.5810893617021273,359,11,76,3,8,115,61,94,0.174,0.5479999999999999,0.278,0.9369,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,3,10,1,0,4,1,7,0,0,1,0,11,20,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,11,7,6,20,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,4,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708520101222591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700953417414176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034200456330086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432775521110401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344479552632738,0.24505861034917434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960874417479861,0.0,0.0,0.14385741751520692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365158699049386,0.0,0.16933410932943346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942593545239096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758570148777094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448661783899318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044377366087487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890589105714765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727888975031723,0.0,0.0,0.27334816627310626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963127378213366,0.19199536276385212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989894916087543,0.0,0.0,0.1000109227586017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CJbrother,2018/02/25,"So painfully alone i want to die. Nobody is probably going to read this but I need to vent.

I have nobody and I never have. I have false friends but nobody to talk to, nobody to do anything with, my free counseling is finished so I don't even have a professional to talk to. There's nothing to do and forever to do it in. I just want a way out that works, I tried overdosing on paracetamol but failed like I do everything else so just wasted everyone's time. I feel so guilty for wanting to die but it's not like I have anyone who would care.

People always say to be who you are and that other people don't matter but I don't know who I am. I need other people to work that out but nobody wants to be with me. I have no friends, no relationships and my family are distant or abusive. I'm too ugly to make new friends because people just look down at me immediately, I'm a living joke.

I want to make a helium bag but just know I'd mess it up and survive like a vegetable. I want out. I hate me more than everyone else hates me. In fact I'd rather they all hated me but instead it's just indifference which is worst of all as I might as well be invisible or never have existed at all. I can bruise myself but I can never manage any actual damage.

People always say things will get better too. They haven't so far and there's no signs they ever will, I lack a personality and I like an appearance so there's no reason for anyone to actually speak to me. I just don't want to be alone or I don't want to be here.",0.8554336468129584,2.9252262257053303,3.34614420062696,88.28979101358412,82.98119122257054,6.374503657262277,19.38453500522466,7.576466943178032,0.580388923719958,1182,31,257,20,33,410,143,319,0.227,0.627,0.147,-0.9877,0,2,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,3,5,23,20,3,0,7,0,34,2,0,3,8,62,59,27,2,13,20,0,1,4,3,4,1,3,0,1,15,12,1,0,4,2,1,2,14,8,1,0,0,5,38,13,38,50,6,21,0,2,1,0,17,11,0,5,11,188,53,6,0.0,0.10998337532525312,0.1811691502517504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922790353362244,0.0,0.0,0.15447697719195233,0.0,0.0,0.06312471640660708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298118932779814,0.0,0.07638771114999138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658573648742335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209686274205412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464207353435186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267701745409485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550880631555326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061310555021571275,0.08396623621039093,0.0,0.17739802958230724,0.08342582942273286,0.0,0.0875078880866359,0.0,0.04693550560826619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151509118900106,0.0,0.04849764101601472,0.0,0.052755032347636094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274938732430146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202924681512207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813999574487215,0.0,0.08196686812025845,0.0,0.07795027998010744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392386355202788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847348792854052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765828562718954,0.2147789019734299,0.08965172084118148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890688434917184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877317912267672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217685546362508,0.08105189433021552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008189542857944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285090420321176,0.0,0.0,0.09544036629860207,0.0,0.09966015318057003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763757874406142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921969836801746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616693263713994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054127461268351634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302261424609887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380084205650701,0.0736807868353388,0.0,0.0,0.08346152794922458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515655293503276,0.0,0.0,0.0659407738134953,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcwongalds,2018/02/25,"i don't see the point in living if i'm this useless it's a struggle to wake up it's a struggle to wash myself it's a struggle to study even though i'm not in school and only taking two classes online. the dog shit on the floor of my room and i didn't pick it up for at least a week. i'm almost 17 and i have no fucking clue how i'm going to live as an adult. 

i have very few actual grades and even fewer life skills, and i recently flunked out of community college. i'm seeing a therapist i like and taking prozac, i've been hospitalized twice. it hasn't helped. i can't do schoolwork, i'm nowhere near competent enough for a job. i don't have any meaningful relationships and i hate being touched and i hate noise and i hate people. the world is so fucking unpleasant for me to even scrape by in, so why am i still here?

all the advice i get feels like i'm just being told to distract myself from how legitimately miserable and useless i am. to not think about it just for a day, to force myself to wake up tomorrow so i can live another day. i don't want to wake up tomorrow. i don't have any plans for my future. i just want this to end. i'm just going to end up being a leech on other people's time and resources. i don't care about anything beyond temporarily making myself feel okay with tv or books or internet. why shouldn't i die?",1.4860323886639684,3.2657697719298286,3.5902631578947366,88.84588056680167,79.35087719298245,6.630229419703107,21.838731443994604,7.61054688173877,0.7929622132253713,1055,31,232,16,26,360,144,285,0.189,0.774,0.037000000000000005,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,3,18,18,6,5,14,1,22,10,4,4,1,35,50,21,1,4,9,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,9,13,0,0,4,2,0,2,12,14,0,2,3,5,27,4,39,43,4,31,0,4,2,2,4,18,3,4,13,149,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.11058770516265776,0.0,0.0,0.1107387293490792,0.0,0.0,0.11347744024286625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412817285392774,0.11882991045424987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325585141804676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554119130608835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461689829958444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761223789052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074254371770786,0.1170938036621322,0.0,0.2245479511052326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459986092896216,0.08095856257963432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953209860786115,0.059207020823476376,0.0,0.12880908156824533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356514443825524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595857052999898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245640926553324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004396834489495,0.11072859249481444,0.0,0.3002010386048719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564453256012707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618787479452605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712894166046107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712764327075923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189360480994702,0.12166737682528493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468976005860533,0.18060883144418044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632527693071093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050055231196692,0.0,0.0,0.35541199856588024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041082479734265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157769421214266,0.0,0.07261333066729979,0.11134008180097528,0.0,0.06608003315829225,0.0,0.0,0.1082857703125706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070090954924117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935040231127964,0.1336826551454871,0.0,0.09090153610467766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451424971249088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunshine_valley,2018/02/25,"I’ve been in the queue for the suicide hotline chat for hours and I just want today to be my last day on earth It keeps saying there are ~20 something people ahead of me even though I’ve been in the queue since 2 am.

I think of suicide every single day, and have pretty consistently since the time I was 11 y/o (am 19 now). I have my suicide notes all written and printed out. My main problem is I don’t have a good way to kill myself - I can’t buy a firearm in this state because I’m not a resident yet, no place in my apartment to hang myself from, etc. I tried to OD on paracetamol two weeks ago but passed out from the sleeping pills / vodka before I could take enough. I’m just at my wits end and don’t see why I should live any more - I’m not important enough to any suicide hotline to respond or my friends to want to talk to me. I love my
friends so much and I want them to be happy and I know they will be happier without my depression. These suicidal feelings haunt me every where I go and I’m just tired.

I’ve destroyed any chances I had at a good life by squandering my potential due to depression.

Is there any reason that I shouldn’t just make today my last day on earth?",2.6574508560558034,3.8315797630522113,3.785309659691397,91.26568801521879,74.66265060240964,6.84853096596914,25.555062354681894,7.273561745256523,0.9764811244979924,927,31,208,10,19,301,140,249,0.142,0.688,0.17,0.71,0,0,2,1,0,6,20.0,0,0,2,1,12,11,2,0,9,0,22,5,1,2,1,32,39,11,7,7,9,0,1,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,4,2,1,3,8,5,0,1,5,3,32,6,31,27,8,35,0,2,1,1,9,14,0,1,16,131,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971087586741207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752876452718279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061692768856401924,0.0,0.08611680071672084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080283125051065,0.0,0.0,0.19580382870125504,0.0,0.1743330067813424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963634153098393,0.2091407228749787,0.11286875431717235,0.06684401642884304,0.0,0.17053677815418375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117157570782328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637928449129712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751633218307733,0.16976953869783787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077331029568978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966514980330134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995440042262648,0.11196677728595053,0.0,0.05561884611820071,0.16498886590480527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148308825007048,0.0,0.0,0.08936462371485067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134019082744887,0.0,0.06755418188828166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439628295891035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016182627876466,0.0,0.10573621100140357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296043392702504,0.0,0.09683816736306652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405414549899236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048115643065444,0.0,0.0,0.0806461580042955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674333101817521,0.0,0.10127667757938973,0.0,0.0,0.07791146760128145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535015048423767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609250440500337,0.08134361176235798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484717376650638,0.09943201290140416,0.0,0.059012626928597926,0.1163186385467269,0.1918583389504807,0.0,0.0,0.0687105941313481,0.0,0.09886120154081747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907749764654302,0.08033069875127752,0.08117941503648682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913204983641177,0.0,0.0,0.097556648874768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MenialSpeck,2018/02/25,"My anxiety is too much (First post on Reddit, so I hope this is okay)
I just turned 18.  My parents think my anxiety and depression are bullshit because I live at home with them.

I have no job, barely any money and I just can't handle all of this pressure anymore.  I don't want to exist - that would be great.  But since I exist, I might as well just end it all.  I don't want to live with this anxiety anymore.  It's too much.",0.713882646691637,2.6785898764044944,2.7183520599250954,93.1865418227216,82.82022471910112,5.7533083645443215,21.124843945068665,6.937597516519254,0.42325368289637977,325,10,73,4,9,109,58,89,0.211,0.6829999999999999,0.106,-0.7006,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,1,0,1,10,0,0,0,2,16,15,5,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,13,4,8,12,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412249837309147,0.0,0.4188908090789432,0.0,0.3620292894682326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112648639854365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572075516082577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166198297585585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525472028960782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123322362643248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830863351473232,0.18128739827540985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811267884079007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223438625647214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362899417198165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683521086146297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267117006678664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174807424135052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098564085660138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695393321970453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853356992803767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153146285790596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411088962942358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296597284915373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daniovp,2018/02/25,"i'm worthless I hate myself because of people who treated me like shit. I struggle with depression for a long time, i have hurt myself and because of my mental state i don't get on well with my girlfriend even though we love ourseleves very much. I'm waiting for my appointment with a psychotherapist and every day i feel like I want to end it and die. I need help, I don't know what's going on. I'm lost. Need help.",1.9634883720930207,3.9407394767441914,3.2838953488372127,90.66561046511627,78.65116279069767,5.695348837209302,23.540697674418613,6.6274283507984215,0.6327488372093022,329,11,69,3,8,107,57,86,0.28,0.5579999999999999,0.161,-0.9138,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,12,2,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,13,17,4,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,1,15,5,10,16,1,8,0,4,0,1,6,2,1,0,6,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462984862208131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302858976271361,0.0,0.17399914311072315,0.0,0.2096643989913971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892935945897456,0.0,0.0,0.13343200803374833,0.0,0.17021018460898352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214715490973404,0.1443228074808484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554687726101873,0.0,0.11481236628103893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945248221126305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708188930686177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162661074349656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102466187039713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739309627113447,0.0,0.0,0.17878094530309824,0.0,0.0,0.22052820400096854,0.0,0.1823305319970764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358819173468828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850761453004085,0.29958987432517353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005491991428226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737016583160786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111946976782189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848318298460396,0.0,0.11779922468919125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668728663652949,0.11915636522766145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163983777200585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arugula278,2018/02/25,"A realization Over the past months, I’ve been feeling pretty awful, but never suicidal, or so I thought. I thought it was just frustration at how I’m kind of spinning the tires at school. But then I made the exceedingly stupid decision to come to this sub and lurk, and I realized that, holy shit, I feel exactly the same as everyone here, outside of circumstances.",7.156764705882356,7.534602911764708,7.351764705882353,72.63294117647061,64.0,12.094117647058823,37.588235294117645,11.698219412168324,4.65004705882353,290,14,53,9,4,94,53,68,0.229,0.6659999999999999,0.105,-0.8913,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,5,1,2,2,1,2,2,18,9,9,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,2,5,1,8,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,35,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277077016053812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24711421765317745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615233275330537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693039141389217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470430260884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064211040727716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945700807966596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468737862509989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631007049556819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617284824026672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654608238833837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28287883134073705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41061703315011405,0.0,0.2972356917495099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ConsistentSeat,2018/02/25,"12000 mg of tylenol, 964 mg of ibuprofen, some valsartan for good measure I’m 16, female, and weigh about 120 pounds.
I took 24 x 500mg of tylenol
I took 32 x 30mg of ibuprofen 
And god knows how much valsartan i took, to hopefully make me pass out.

Will I die, or should i just call this suicide a failure & call for help.",1.6221078431372575,3.292121308823532,2.712352941176473,95.8022549019608,78.55882352941177,6.298039215686276,26.03921568627451,7.1686216300943375,0.9437568627450976,251,10,59,3,6,80,48,68,0.172,0.685,0.14300000000000002,-0.634,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,0,11,9,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,2,9,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301926762674589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338764193613626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049261407461296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819544982451768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240273017438393,0.0,0.0,0.21101371069579394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675858200208004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181398997066305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617735912837188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323890384351758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7081291144565156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CalicoInTheShadows,2018/02/25,The only option is to die I’m terrible at everything. I get stressed out too easily. I can’t control my temper. Family wastes money trying to get me normal. It’s not working. I’m a disappointment to them and the only future there is for me is living on the streets. It’s better for me to just die already then make anyone else have to deal with me anymore,1.3272945205479445,3.670699315068497,3.971489726027397,82.84161815068494,83.24657534246576,6.389726027397263,21.453767123287676,7.6454224807358475,1.20097397260274,282,9,53,5,8,99,52,73,0.199,0.703,0.099,-0.8441,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,3,5,1,1,4,0,5,0,0,2,0,9,10,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,11,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23832635448724185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418248977301915,0.15101003472481905,0.22128501284759106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910063828578201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24222677708048385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265380150768185,0.0,0.0,0.4482819310571245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804137757421828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940983538556957,0.0,0.2035956626926404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256690128759541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070393765259736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441604961276663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160304855282552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32850719992729066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473909216850607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662827766285327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722747150987024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExpressLeading,2018/02/25,"Unemployed. Can't get job. Denied disability. There's no way out. I'm going to be 30 this year. I can't hold a job because the anxiety of having a schedule is unbearable. I'll be in physical pain from anxiety all night and then not go into work the day after. The only way I can see myself working is working from home but the act of even applying for a job is overwhelming, I can't handle the rejection of not getting any results. I'm useless. I have no skills. Even if I manage to do an application it doesn't matter because I won't get the job anyway. I fucking hate myself so much. I'm stuck. I have no money, I live at home, I'm pathetic.  I cannot handle the humiliation and suffocating feeling of being stuck like this anymore and the only way out is killing myself. I have a therapist, they know my problems with this, I've tried some vocational rehab thing but it didn't work for me. Applied for disability multiple times and didn't get it even after a court hearing. Please change my mind because right now I just want to die. I'm not fit to live in this world because of my broken brain. I'd be doing everyone a favor by killing myself. ",1.7385872675250376,4.0148624635193135,4.149039699570814,82.60765110872677,81.01716738197425,6.973462088698143,25.15897711015737,8.07648339933343,1.7769886981401997,906,36,176,18,24,315,127,233,0.239,0.6729999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.991,6,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,1,5,8,11,4,1,15,0,23,4,1,1,1,25,43,9,3,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,14,9,0,0,4,3,21,2,24,34,3,24,0,3,1,1,2,9,1,2,10,116,29,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479862806452799,0.0,0.16828782446711069,0.0,0.10908294034657537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820147151344115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278793490269314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635741247417238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709360215671814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141547826710153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179468992121266,0.0,0.0,0.10510248591563014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561548038330378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168623439274106,0.22986603149217136,0.0,0.12502247194856178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085947584308555,0.0,0.0,0.12396946901940273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206627624464736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43660208120922267,0.0,0.24338066669213426,0.0,0.060448966099667586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537367481412873,0.0,0.19425067172261276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111061004719191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085709611751173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322044979483597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673084075690079,0.11703970660808875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073866426939812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524790614396363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393293908325656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764973046923402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770969549207173,0.07307408680510896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413747378142386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467764373440848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487638837049271,0.2619206271517491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203032127178973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083152233501047
suicidewatch,hadenoughfinalstraw,2018/02/25,"Final straw - the end I’m going to kill my self in the early hours of the morning. Just waiting until then. I’ve had enough of everything and just want to sleep and sleep.

My entire life is ruined.

Goodbye all and to those suffering get help now before you end where I am at.",1.319702380952382,3.603558232142859,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,82.75,5.161904761904762,18.261904761904766,6.42735559955562,-0.034645238095238014,215,5,44,2,6,70,43,56,0.173,0.763,0.064,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,8,8,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,7,2,12,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195614282594308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44123732070430505,0.257375219234096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386486790551494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728645024108589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301385682935841,0.0,0.14156285205162844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695890927992288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24530220062362226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755797479779525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759387197001338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598538449172656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985371904041515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469189726518073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cashews4tea,2018/02/25,"Fuck everything All I can think about lately is killing myself. Soon as I wake up till I go to sleep. I hate  myself, any redeeming qualities I have are completely engulfed by how utterly shite I am. I’ve wasted 6 years studying and I’m not good enough to practice in my chosen field. I love my parents but they cause me so much stress I can hardly bare to be around them. I have no proper friends, the only ones I cared for either got fed up of me for being ‘flakey’ or moved hundreds of miles away. My boyfriend doesn’t give a shit, he’s only interested when he wants a fuck and I’m quite certain he’s cheating on me. I have no confidence for job interviews and for the first time I can’t see a future in any way. I don’t even want to have a future anymore. Cutting has been my go to for 11 years now but that isn’t even helping this time, I can’t even do that properly. I’m not going to kill myself, couldn’t do that to my parents. I wish they didn’t care and that pisses me off because I know how lucky I am that they do. 

I’m so fucking lonely even though I’m surrounded by people and I despise myself for it. ",3.3480508474576283,3.9188298644067814,4.662500000000001,87.90612288135594,72.38983050847456,7.594915254237289,26.190677966101696,7.6454224807358475,1.2207762711864407,872,27,193,10,16,290,135,236,0.183,0.654,0.162,-0.523,3,2,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,4,2,14,21,11,1,6,0,24,9,4,3,2,24,48,16,2,4,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,2,0,0,4,11,13,0,2,4,2,35,8,28,41,4,27,0,1,1,4,14,10,5,2,12,130,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559757756118235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207500133495786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838935227658793,0.0,0.0,0.11439450716767957,0.0,0.0,0.0742218058175065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248278313231607,0.12507775728628634,0.0,0.0,0.12765967218658886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258073061843843,0.0,0.3216768317850571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942714712133728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035662588244825,0.0,0.0,0.09406898979043972,0.3376865563409068,0.0,0.11680020243547175,0.2075915598097476,0.10212381425356466,0.097380023379194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907016357734213,0.12020961745767372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161100622855724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082482138583682,0.0,0.26941168489530165,0.0,0.06691434462907052,0.0,0.1373469564383413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989025184959564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940819317234872,0.0895052462335301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250554836973152,0.1852030425955482,0.0,0.0,0.27039300082140594,0.0,0.0,0.08441082386795325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295033278149827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970243934626323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498158975202905,0.0,0.0,0.1218447159445274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947198544424946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801683128074223,0.11962542272644305,0.0,0.14199472054400522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363061239310246,0.09664486834396993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001429346786082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681475472423875
suicidewatch,TravelingMaiko,2018/02/25,"26 years of living, I am convinced that I should end my life. Please don't judge me. Hi, honestly I don't know where to start. I just want this off my chest. I just want to know if my life is still worth living. While I'm typing this I'm close to tears. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I tried going to a psychiatrist before but it didn't work for me. So I stopped. I felt that it was useless for me to go and talk all of my shit to some stranger.

Why am I tired you say? Why do I want to end my life you ask?

Ever since I was a child I was never a priority to anyone (maybe that's how I felt). I fell that I am just a useless living thing, just existing. At first, my parents weren't really okay.. They argue and fight alot. My childhood was poor, only when I grew up that we became rich. I am closer to my grandma because she was the one who raised me. But unfortunately, she's gone. She died 7 years ago and I miss her. Everytime I feel down and sad, I wish that I can be with her. 

It's obvious that my parents' favorite is my sister. They give her everything she asks without any question. They let her study at one of the top universities in the country, but I just graduated in a private college. Everything that I ask of them comes with soo much questions or statements to make me feel guilty about the things I ask. It's just so unfair. 

I grew up chubby. So I've experienced a fair share of bullying from people. Or whenever I just walk or do something normal, people will look at me with disgust. So I worked hard and lost 100 lbs. 

Everyone praised me, but I wasn't happy. I don't know why. Maybe because at that time I didn't have a boyfriend? And I was always the ""third wheel"" together with my friends. I feel so down. I keep on crying and crying I ask God why this is happening to me. 

Then I started socializing, partying, and flirting with guys. But I still feel empty. Then I came across a guy over a dating app. Our very first meeting was at Starbucks. At first it was all friendly, but when the cafe was closing he told me that we should be alone somewhere. I told him, if we can stay where there are a lot of people. He said, sure why not. But, I was shocked that we ended up at a motel. 

I didn't know what to do, I was helpless, I was scared. The moment we were in the room kissing, I felt like I was watching myself like an out of body experience. He told me we should do it, but he forced me to say yes. Until, he forced himself in me. 

I thought to myself, ""nah that wasn't rape I liked it"". But I kept on crying after that. I thought I loved him, even though he was just milking money from me. My friends were so mad at the guy and I just keep on wondering why. 

I was somehow saved from my despair when I met my first boyfriend. He was not that good-looking, like the guy who I dated (or raped me lol). My boyfriend (until now it's our 4th year together), was nice. But after 2 months in our relationship, things got sooo hard. My depression became worse than ever. 

4 years have passed we somehow became okay, and he's aware of my condition.

But right now, at this very moment I realized that I am not happy anymore. I've gone through so much shit from my family, friends, boyfriend, and myself. I'm sick and tired of everything that I just want to end my life. 

I'm so envious of my friends who are already living their dreams, happy and successful.

I'm so angry at God. Why? I have been a good girl but all He does was put me in a shitty situation. And I'm sick of it. I'm tired of it. Maybe I was just destined to kill myself. 

Should I just disappear? I am nobody. I think I should really disappear. I'm worthless.",0.7678911451398136,2.8991716870838893,2.5422301930758984,93.55622145472704,83.7936085219707,5.619181091877499,20.838898135818912,6.9077264865688965,0.351554047936085,2791,86,627,35,80,921,298,751,0.228,0.629,0.14300000000000002,-0.998,2,1,1,0,1,4,117.0,10,2,5,10,41,48,10,1,25,4,60,20,4,2,8,115,119,52,2,13,34,3,9,4,5,6,11,3,1,6,37,31,1,4,19,2,4,14,14,21,0,7,44,15,129,27,75,66,8,91,1,9,2,4,79,36,2,14,44,419,166,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704141916439606,0.0,0.0,0.05496225554125162,0.05856165732105215,0.0,0.044156676159819656,0.0,0.0,0.03608793634773707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052629016196061335,0.03710625257798943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24805623330647975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469929919033174,0.0,0.045156804907347865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894638306152955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069544692692794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045713226685257284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487752022271724,0.0,0.0,0.0457072343063013,0.0,0.05507601726688642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644000558024798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800934328426,0.0,0.0,0.03505079361958626,0.09600576003229327,0.0,0.050708574740703394,0.14308180028431633,0.05191050940137654,0.05002761635955452,0.0,0.10733073415678306,0.0,0.15286028369330268,0.0,0.0,0.1805578371990529,0.0,0.0,0.2050003246333164,0.0,0.0,0.05090748708974066,0.06031932839495606,0.08902153673133603,0.04244318228569634,0.0,0.0,0.21018193447129013,0.04692769663349627,0.16947503873108702,0.09507668357436301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433823078969276,0.05871167851018911,0.0,0.11665874079986502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426543986298659,0.14993347841155505,0.103705022224963,0.0,0.1874394239044939,0.0,0.08912720412367557,0.0,0.057929792705967015,0.045116361558926094,0.047895778095181564,0.0,0.035423180921911816,0.0,0.15994126942507947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042358226423958506,0.0,0.07802190530645357,0.0,0.040929173148426375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199519475763178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192025443251307,0.04036046729080945,0.0,0.0,0.1178510645653776,0.0,0.0,0.1103716304430097,0.0,0.0,0.0582525287376383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533478150144872,0.11889620370415795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799320681052333,0.0,0.0,0.05697497698397104,0.0,0.04531962703471035,0.05047964779424443,0.08440331850254536,0.05313014406648586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894670615441357,0.043898247844458116,0.0596504514396742,0.0,0.05409595796483699,0.0,0.040854199334336205,0.0,0.0,0.07512335013469314,0.056563233614765465,0.08476005679674369,0.04436707247909896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001579089706984,0.0,0.0,0.04265390233079847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057677016889986,0.03400371530521157,0.0521388622285616,0.08425984029992824,0.03094427172289722,0.3049682538266308,0.0,0.15212572422211018,0.0,0.03602956529311478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757301593524837,0.12520309714587996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351981641264909,0.0,0.061025372289334384,0.05115548329696802,0.05754978543322014,0.07726800779398832,0.0,0.05408064075412882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669574084882946
suicidewatch,Konstipoo,2018/02/25,Would staying up really late for consecutive days be an ideal method to fade away? I mean if you stay up till like 4 am and wake up at 6:30 am for several days will you feel any pain at all except for being tired?,3.5493333333333332,4.0474910444444445,4.944444444444446,86.33000000000004,71.8888888888889,8.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,1.0263333333333329,167,3,38,3,3,56,37,45,0.127,0.758,0.115,-0.168,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,8,8,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,12,4,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470660284453407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413740107273742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33136948278296124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299006665597075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289803999838263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255125255449547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798486927540604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733687778575325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645821759369907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29023350062660885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5476605974648416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29527855008434817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825004409950867,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_chapelperilous_,2018/02/25,"Ghosting on life. When I stopped finding life satisfying I would pack everything into my truck and leave for a new town. I did this 7 times in my early 20’s. I had dismissed this as being unhealthy but I later realized it was a coping mechanism. 

I’ve been in place for 6 years. I am overwhelmed with thoughts of ‘ghosting’ on my current life. My depression and anxiety have intensified with age. There’s nothing particularly bad about where I live and there’s nothing in particular I will find in other places that will make me happy.

I think about killing myself every day.",3.5402020202020203,6.229486555555559,4.518720538720537,80.1528787878788,76.96296296296295,7.2606060606060625,29.26262626262627,8.296473431620573,2.4485444444444444,460,21,81,9,11,149,77,108,0.161,0.727,0.112,-0.6705,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,2,0,10,3,0,1,0,15,13,6,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,15,1,15,4,0,21,0,2,0,0,0,11,0,0,10,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336256205989426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647343705676475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208592460733192,0.0,0.16140968160613525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578948678291761,0.0,0.16842547412923234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425653681366489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949367211367228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073333352743447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843241364051853,0.0,0.0,0.3971042338232181,0.0,0.0,0.16548002844645324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509276574833286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099470743845006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596359136981451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915918956960761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667705892369907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008009113085205,0.0,0.14877682057783406,0.10927602866660416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312551005887982,0.0,0.0,0.12068120256120235
suicidewatch,The_Stiffmeister,2018/02/25,"I don't know what to do I was recently diagnosed with ""moderate"" depression and avoidant personality disorder. Although I only recently got the diagnosis, this has been part of my life since puberty (I'm turning 25 tomorrow). I feel like I have no right to talk about my suicidal thoughts and my self harming. I read posts about people who have had terrible things happen to them, while I come from upper middle class family with no money worries, loving parents, my own place and got a good job. Afters new years, I discovered that my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me. This was the final and last thing that sent me into this pit I am in now. I am seeking help and will start therapy soon. I'm not on anti-depressants as I am very scared of the side effects. I just don't want to keep on living anymore. I have no more happiness left in me. I get no joy out of life anymore. Everything is stale, the food, the people. I feel like a ghost. When I work I put on a fake persona and smile and to the outside world everything is ok, but reality is different. I live from therapy appointment to appointment, in the hope it will get beter. I am just afraid that my will not to hurt my parents with my suicide is losing. I mean, what is the point in living when the only reason to live is not to hurt the feelings of others?",4.5235299145299175,5.534560976923078,5.7464102564102575,79.590811965812,70.0,9.47008547008547,30.213675213675213,9.725611199111238,2.8309957264957264,1034,41,202,24,18,346,145,260,0.142,0.75,0.108,-0.7338,4,1,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,1,3,8,19,1,3,13,1,24,5,0,2,0,31,45,13,3,2,6,2,3,2,1,3,3,0,0,2,13,13,1,2,8,1,1,3,9,11,0,0,8,3,32,8,33,34,3,37,0,4,0,1,11,18,0,1,17,141,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688038065738814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550451938283123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098662181898228,0.10074777496834726,0.0,0.10370656628291472,0.11376164842906512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841868321065565,0.0,0.09357438979628876,0.0,0.15056795655012034,0.14182408523057155,0.0,0.10873551904451567,0.0,0.0,0.12002673491797425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037194992099484,0.0,0.0,0.08325537557589174,0.15877609897910608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777613039694841,0.10566512717686932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653252254968342,0.0,0.0,0.0985885203743498,0.0,0.0,0.2125218001833191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850117680085337,0.08822769325207927,0.0,0.0,0.054551222300370204,0.08091092254891037,0.0,0.0,0.10784731276376316,0.0,0.14022188916179285,0.09698777275102108,0.0,0.3505969500839736,0.0,0.0,0.11104761324205176,0.0,0.0,0.08958688291010508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081242740501614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958668441820384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509848509066242,0.0,0.0,0.2204350767841868,0.10748993609566494,0.0,0.13763008941964958,0.08667083299135715,0.10370656628291472,0.0,0.09383368185939353,0.0,0.09506455197588784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978467095189787,0.0,0.0,0.09928781156559637,0.0,0.0,0.10205678863469073,0.1960164266715109,0.0,0.0,0.08476830906932649,0.0,0.0,0.09937752730569227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035508190077696,0.0,0.0,0.08210968369247315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702574114043743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715073750417266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978219178681066,0.0,0.0,0.22702709433173016,0.0,0.13188912932371788,0.0,0.0,0.07880210685765256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796741025599282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190067931546066,0.058546680156757264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722631538961626,0.1008043131111848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784159498774428
suicidewatch,SonOfCalypso,2018/02/25,"At work right now, planning my suicide I'm planning my suicide. Tonight I will buy what I need as well as go and buy my boss and her husband some weed. Tuesday I have a date, it won't go anywhere. Also Tuesday I am moving a friend into my apt. I feel bad because he will be the one to find my body and he has no job and no home (I was housing him). He's going to end up most screwed by this. I'll post more on my lunch break in a couple hours. Since my day is coming if anyone wants to know anything just lmk and ill try to respond when I can. Just mostly want to post kind of what is happening as it happens leading up to this.",2.0253284671532867,2.7692341970802943,3.620153284671536,93.50906204379564,75.64233576642336,5.771970802919707,26.10875912408759,4.935628992294339,0.4452750364963499,483,17,114,1,10,161,94,137,0.161,0.7929999999999999,0.046,-0.9558,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,4,6,5,1,0,4,0,11,4,1,2,0,21,23,11,2,4,3,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,3,0,2,6,3,2,1,1,1,1,16,3,17,18,4,25,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,4,9,73,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351660016370895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674121974176292,0.0,0.13739256623944565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940331938178624,0.10177631233498488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545318322039567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381990825810848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473633274755616,0.0,0.10767437846008776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787561753724252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441920128492178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525969848996421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899167273682938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846589785386249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952815853959574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674729232820585,0.0,0.16442042727737366,0.19264761774253392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568048464651078,0.0,0.0,0.17386151781536613,0.09175598954576736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774503940176094,0.0,0.12379756404341685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313535648665655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319800058346756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425815912602331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810974274799526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652508589189452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335381793791513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695282143536305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011568398342404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215477291586824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayanddead222,2018/02/25,"Finished my last letter. The only thing I ever wanted in life was stability. Never had a stable home, Mom made that too difficult. Never had stable friends, they came and went with whatever they got from me. Relationships? Nope they too fled...this last one really hit me as life giving me the game over card. She was absolutely perfect, I had never met someone so kind and full of love. Yet even she left before there was any chance. 

Ive traveled the country for 4 years trying to find myself but only found misery. I'm getting older, hell I'm 27 this year...watching as the world has passed me by. All my peers are married, having kids, sharing their world with another. Not I, I wasn't meant to have that kind of life. I wasn't meant to find joy or stable relationships or friends I was meant to be a lesson for everyone else and whatever else they want to say about me when I'm gone.
 
I'm the last point in my family so their history will end with me. I just wanted to write this out so maybe if anyone finds this they know why I decided to end this misery. 

I'll go home, take enough Clonazepam and Vicodin to relax the panic response and with my favorite  glass of whiskey I'll settle down turn on the gas and go to sleep. 

Thanks for everything Reddit it was one hell of a ride.",2.7133606138107424,4.750186262745097,3.819403239556692,87.42644501278772,76.56862745098039,6.6308610400682015,22.067348678601874,7.586124646067393,0.8748959931798805,1007,28,202,14,23,326,149,255,0.13699999999999998,0.728,0.135,-0.3289,0,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,7,2,12,14,2,1,10,0,17,7,1,1,6,39,44,16,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,2,1,8,12,1,0,10,4,0,8,7,4,0,2,20,1,29,10,31,21,3,33,2,0,0,1,23,11,2,3,14,125,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478253052428371,0.11531183742980942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768927167050182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357531860018982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125774970027696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372958291289432,0.0,0.19479936892938107,0.11362712973788085,0.0,0.0726333314961481,0.09947304288808734,0.0,0.10507986663048308,0.09883283427577047,0.0,0.10366876375019256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30152837419079714,0.0,0.0,0.12057507367967467,0.16992318858753874,0.0,0.05745414040792856,0.10549205891186493,0.12499556564926582,0.0,0.08795206642584466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206152732372353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290310905583064,0.060435956774634585,0.2689176600390438,0.0,0.0,0.1194813838737222,0.0,0.2330225705735159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925110299668972,0.10405510345070852,0.0,0.0,0.11047840426619193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879408733521372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25444407051813744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490353610300279,0.16727240084142828,0.0,0.12902465048549355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395602704617374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044880614336843,0.0,0.0,0.2361305957962515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745157497296507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004818214780702,0.0,0.09317617689336853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268282476269477,0.0,0.0,0.10124446314168188,0.0,0.0,0.0730583604063287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466157223140811,0.1196144369299703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458727863709804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194214597791897,0.0992297049824242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163255712470482
suicidewatch,ADizzyTho,2018/02/25,"We love life a little too much People who are depressed, people who try to commit suicide are the ones who love life a little too much. The universe is flowing through us at a speed, at a rate faster than we can handle. We are too full of the ocean of life.",5.176918238993714,4.712561283018868,5.326415094339627,88.34106918238994,68.24528301886792,7.066666666666667,27.10062893081761,3.1291,0.6494327044025154,200,5,43,0,3,63,32,53,0.125,0.705,0.17,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,7,0,5,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,7,7,3,8,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,0,2,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184550019081506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719832144369333,0.0,0.4464876766164405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020628088815091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32747882641618176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150934282010955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088395228250312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436412358470697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512257322111112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26792860561450016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,voredog,2018/02/25,"good morning; i want to die tldr: i'm fucked up and want to die.


trans man here, doing the typical trans thing: being suicidal. 
no matter what i do i can't pass. i just moved to a new place and i refuse to meet new people because i was supposed to get on hormones before i moved here but i didn't and i still haven't been able to get on them due to financial circumstances and other shit 
but i'm not alone here because i live next door to my two best friends and have an amazing girlfriend that i share an apartment with. 
it's difficult because this was supposed to be a new start for me. i was supposed to come to this new city where no one knows me and let everyone know me solely as a man. i told my therapist that if i didn't get on hormones before i move that i'd kill myself. so here we are. 
i haven't been seeing my therapist because she's located in my old town 4 hours away, as is my psychiatrist who i desperately need to meet with because my meds aren't working anymore. last we talked he said if these don't work well i need to be on an antipsychotic as well. last i saw my therapist she gave me numbers to get in contact with psychiatric self admittance places. idk what they're called but you get my point. sorry i'm stupid.    

it's selfish to want to die. my friend told me that passionately a few years back. i don't think she still holds that belief but i think about it a lot. it is selfish to want to die, or to commit suicide, but i can reason it in my head as the pain my loved ones would feel from losing me would be temporary and sooner or later they could move on to better things and better people.

i'm disabled due to legal blindness and i'm really just useless. living off of saved up money to pay rent, but i had a crisis with my kitten a week or so ago and he almost died. he's playful and healthy now, but i can't say the same about my bank account. 

i'm in the beginning steps of applying for disability because i can't work due to my eyesight (i can't drive either) but they won't call me back so i'm feeling hopeless about that too. 
i don't know what to do and i just want all of this to stop. i've and suicide attempts in the past and i wish they worked but i can't even get that right. what's the point of struggling to live as someone you aren't anyways? i just want to die.",2.292236904200095,3.627388417177915,3.754396728016364,90.4777866918358,75.87116564417178,6.733176026427561,24.194903256252946,7.321109707123232,0.8559706465313823,1812,57,405,21,39,599,219,489,0.212,0.655,0.133,-0.9945,1,1,0,0,0,10,36.0,2,2,4,9,25,26,4,1,16,0,37,7,2,1,2,72,77,36,10,14,20,0,2,0,3,3,2,2,2,3,24,21,0,3,9,1,5,8,18,12,2,3,13,7,64,14,60,55,6,55,1,3,3,3,35,22,2,7,25,263,88,6,0.06530587870768725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788972114311966,0.0,0.06539440411111412,0.06763719511863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476588346494101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135702278394117,0.10043237926978356,0.0,0.2388591450777285,0.0,0.1111409855499918,0.0,0.06853449065118328,0.1155154853820159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336920759102602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056255231928986266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214143016037365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066631497801622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04313391697201652,0.0,0.0,0.06240256572714409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604122899341794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009103197826455,0.06037423254034705,0.20471775734414124,0.0,0.0,0.054775472643579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702267230055044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431313565957719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722512789191481,0.0,0.10767120912441062,0.10646601481257242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677968558726312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299886207414955,0.0,0.0,0.07306057367707221,0.0,0.05552072271695305,0.058941105245424535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254010908774136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776392557123692,0.0,0.09684696314793133,0.0,0.25229129841028924,0.06945354288466614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852753407247633,0.0,0.08850590708350814,0.0,0.0694900593517815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234185074069045,0.09054974703786399,0.0,0.136461487203578,0.0,0.1234703282084248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041836618152740125,0.06714531999024206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577086359110592,0.062120845546757064,0.051933855934392835,0.0,0.0,0.05204033014940746,0.0,0.06812827417504012,0.0,0.0670355460227469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533345910343685,0.0,0.0,0.07310458454221681,0.04622383707681408,0.0,0.1043067181900032,0.05459863880330259,0.0,0.06827188385172442,0.0,0.21430209519955246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249039156252006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274754758893597,0.0867726479555839,0.08369074028015666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480513145428818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379435418209534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311145956726037,0.0,0.05238443670942797,0.0,0.11743565575789912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509853757044882,0.0,0.0,0.19017382995383134,0.0,0.0,0.09278284503348908,0.0,0.0,0.042054844750411775
suicidewatch,dd_if_devzero_of_me,2018/02/25,"I just want it to end. I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for a long time now. I've lost all connection with friends and family over the past two years. My mother kicked me out nearly a year ago and I currently live with my girlfriend on the other side of the country who supports me fully. I can't leave the house without freaking out and breaking down unless I'm with her. I'm so useless I can't use the phone. I spend most of the day listening to the same song on repeat in my head looking at the ceiling thinking about the past and all the regret, shame, and guilt I've accumulated over the years. My best friend cut me off a month ago because I depended on her too much and I was straining her relationship. My depression is getting worse and I'm also having intrusive daydreams or visual images in my mind of violence towards myself and my sleep is plagued by nightmares. Despite my girlfriend supporting me fully the guilt associated with the idea of killing myself is fading. I'm having to cut deeper and deeper for it to help anymore. I'm so alone. I hate myself and I want to die.",4.2047492545405225,5.915528152073732,5.10344266738954,81.20877744646245,71.62672811059906,7.686527514231499,29.81539712659257,8.313332769828598,2.247784169151531,887,37,164,14,17,289,122,217,0.246,0.6659999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9907,1,1,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,20,4,5,16,0,8,2,2,2,2,34,24,16,3,3,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,18,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,15,0,1,2,3,27,5,34,22,6,32,0,5,1,0,13,15,0,3,16,114,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24591836893058255,0.0,0.0,0.14366305774295615,0.0,0.11092736420432056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756432151979248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845571116393976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556893541393728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945730328866254,0.0,0.2389436523939082,0.0,0.1439604137593326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285702649243402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307646541618163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433598883522254,0.0,0.07247092112249924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694867608705236,0.14235779623788394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297525017969877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005419873048354,0.0,0.15658815635268686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534634846574766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468752220957297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248460563762248,0.12275512190877327,0.11648254376021427,0.0,0.15141975293041804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005885533485835,0.0,0.1107180240095326,0.0,0.10196875452867599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26483123337840697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892400844445827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388114602617495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501115214500995,0.0,0.15172763163368594,0.31481584399209744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888805902752878,0.0,0.0,0.0808836655548775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550076954642026,0.0,0.0,0.11980201347560072,0.0,0.0,0.16363101912152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371272846044827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135864947546056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679765584225651
suicidewatch,Iamnotarobot132,2018/02/25,"Help I have almost every reason to believe my friend is suicidal and I hate how I can't do anything about it, what do I do????!!!?!! She is so important to me (pretty much my lifeline) and I'm kinda useless when it comes to this. Please, what do I do?!!?! I can't lose her",-1.4238157894736858,0.5744961578947354,1.6799780701754372,95.70838815789476,96.19298245614037,4.253508771929825,17.651315789473685,5.985473137389443,-0.2784368421052634,199,6,46,2,8,70,38,57,0.162,0.606,0.232,0.5529999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,2,0,7,13,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,11,1,4,13,1,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28090254390642705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308459359095907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160525492996704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164510666766095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635212127980454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673081908654185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769576766128861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802817236365904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138326785619344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621615446227612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079292262037436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853920102154167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884236266549982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068458457278539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SheShe16,2018/02/25,"Goodbye. I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. I have a plan. I hope after all the suicidal thoughts I’ve had I’ll actually go through this one. I’m only 18 but I can’t do it anymore it’s not fair. I hate myself too much to even care at this point. 

Thank you for being the sub I went to when I felt lonely before. I’m sorry you are all in this situation. I understand your pain. I hope it gets better for you.

Goodbye.",-2.594227053140095,-1.2657868478260852,1.0250724637681152,96.81678743961358,113.13043478260867,3.7835748792270527,15.980676328502414,5.82211442006289,-0.4706396135265694,318,10,76,4,18,114,60,92,0.146,0.639,0.215,0.8340000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,2,3,8,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,2,9,23,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,5,1,14,5,8,17,3,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.19104262085480184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883011306560187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658527623825015,0.0,0.0,0.17314205868277982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959987388593245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003399888386529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293037926281309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796925245378016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228139208137918,0.0,0.11126021873997144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328167790511094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388886224246818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391297917088966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265836097513525,0.1488913931474881,0.20831236425777352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850652900911708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200529233900145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191477311449592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141398665883125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023809175698816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541897617595166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038027712017648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148012533742208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway63346944,2018/02/25,"I Feel Hopeless I'm twenty years old and a high school drop out. I have no skills and am mentally weak. I have no willpower. Every accomplishment I have had in my life has been trivial.  

People who are much more capable than me and who have graduated from college have hard times finding jobs, so what hope do I have? My parents love me and have given me so much, but I just sit around and waste their money. I can't give them anything in return because I'm me. I feel like I'm not cut out for life that's this complicated. I feel lonely even though I talk to others all the time.

I've never talked with anyone about this. Thanks for listening.

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suicidewatch,idontmatter152,2018/02/25,It’s 11:37pm and my mind won’t stop I just want to go to sleep but my mind won’t stop. I’ve cried so much already. I’ve tried seeking help. Nothing works. It’s so cruel. I don’t want to wake up.,-3.7713043478260886,-3.0593942173913025,-0.9699130434782608,110.20947826086956,121.6086956521739,1.84,13.295652173913044,3.1291,-1.9637060869565213,150,4,42,0,10,50,30,46,0.28800000000000003,0.591,0.121,-0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,9,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857331827028682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28441994712502344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715459286185914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735537958135148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228863796263972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034167016086626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484481350391548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591147190707301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329503435041791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579492851718906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054445610685282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885024672973996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,7246886,2018/02/25,"My girlfriend died two months ago and I want to die so badly My girlfriend of 7 years died in a car accident two months ago. I've wanted to die since then.  I just can't live without her. Knowing that we'll never get married or build the house we always wanted to have together just tears me apart. I cry myself to sleep every night. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is that I know she'd want me to live, but lately things have been so unbearable that's not enough.
I'm so fucking sick of living without her. I'm sick of waking up without her next to me. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. Anyone want to talk? Please pm me..",1.3728074115665372,3.2801403065693435,2.817810218978103,93.63043234138128,80.24087591240877,5.0912970241437385,18.567658618753512,5.873414542411696,-0.2972758001122968,510,11,111,3,13,166,83,137,0.195,0.7190000000000001,0.087,-0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,2,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,3,0,9,7,4,1,2,24,22,8,5,7,9,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,3,0,2,1,0,21,0,17,18,1,18,0,0,0,1,9,4,1,1,12,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131663661317775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448560105559382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939924112635764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481242181547507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066322259642562,0.0,0.12473317775361807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714023833112062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733111091866433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567371365203436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497837261191499,0.059327012276820926,0.0,0.06453506575131727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102548257927632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256301133930427,0.0,0.12481205789775855,0.0,0.12809328383988755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008094387306802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127462623459392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515890515131255,0.0,0.12076542586759295,0.10656225893743278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636254678804021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464763359594515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675190100961205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939326211479046,0.0,0.22727099585755206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126999470035624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543989369567768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185052139218425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348839551757004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058091056332552,0.3283845393463932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312472517799043
suicidewatch,koaldevkennedy,2018/02/25,"Where the fuck is reset button? Guys, i'm really pissed off now. i couldn't find life-reset button for the whole night. Who hid it? just want to start things over and erase that pathetic pussy who i became",1.2802439024390253,3.82357312195122,1.9982439024390253,95.34126829268291,86.07317073170731,5.231219512195122,10.639024390243902,6.742157984588678,-0.9554234146341464,162,1,34,2,5,50,35,41,0.294,0.6779999999999999,0.028,-0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,3,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34552312672356184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494933201048019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743205688334829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670219258728071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35476638423030704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218309641263924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675797539482285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511540068688701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229787001497092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220698884960336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,15200004,2018/02/25,i’m tired i’m a failure. i’m 17 .. almost 18. i was supposed to be in my first year of university by now.. but of course that was too hard for me. i almost failed out of high school. i wanted to leave this country and move away for college but none of that worked out because i’m lazy and dumb. i’m tired of living this way. i feel like such a burden on my parents and everyone else around me. idk what to do anymore.. i feel like a baby who can’t do anything for itself. i don’t think i was ever meant to be here.. being queer with very religious muslim parents in a muslim country :/ i don’t wanna live anymore .... all i do now is sit at home now like i cant even get a job.. im sorry for ranting i just don’t know what to do i can’t get help with my depression either because every time i try telling my mother she tells me to get closer to god and that i will be okay,-0.4343704811767637,1.4794459319371749,2.1665669409124924,95.72898778359513,87.06282722513089,4.475791573173772,18.519321864871603,5.622346879071545,-0.41464268262278736,667,18,157,4,21,230,105,191,0.188,0.72,0.092,-0.9539,3,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,1,0,5,1,19,3,0,0,2,24,33,6,0,2,4,3,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,9,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,4,3,22,4,28,24,3,20,0,2,0,1,8,10,2,2,10,102,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699112585339925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26731707940002664,0.0,0.0,0.11090664438690652,0.1199764881381656,0.0,0.0,0.12662361148954787,0.0,0.0,0.16431266389587512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607973381732685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125854958219068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901625432380872,0.12190983811005145,0.11355201278109762,0.12878131760742706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629049362126944,0.19256362734482627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463779201911167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211239892312218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207300801399042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033545929620984,0.14239500830266585,0.1351882452978475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557789994477133,0.0,0.13374134493213494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406768198205096,0.0,0.0,0.14270508142335345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975297492524189,0.0,0.23801394641271426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324230403651314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992987961853483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363974082078655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086726981155316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355949759388573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635705663085724,0.0,0.0,0.0785871838294478,0.3098033321351046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150197801843768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120178822483162,0.07949257054366904,0.10697648483862583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981163038351325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678935322010323
suicidewatch,kosnyas,2018/02/25,"No future The more I think about my future the more I realize there is nothing for me there anymore. I'm a female-to-male transgender who is not able to change his ID until my country stops demanding sterilization of trans people, and due to my chronic illnesses I'm unable to start hormone treatment either. Other trans men are not very welcoming of those who are not on HRT and keep saying awful things to people who don't use T, and every day I live in the fear that I'll be denied jobs for being trans or people refuse to treat me as a man even if I politely correct them. I used to be scared of being assaulted too, but at this point I'd honestly welcome it because I no longer care about my own safety - it'd just do me a favour if someone decided to finally kill me and end this stupid farce. 

The more I read and see what people say about trans people and how much hate there is towards us, I feel like it would be the easiest for me to simply kill myself and stop existing. People at my home town pretend I'm dead, and it hurts me so much more than I thought it would; I find it unfair people can just pretend I'm dead when I don't even have the luxury of being six feet underground. 

I don't want any special rights. I'm not out here to trick anyone into having sex with me (hell, I'm not interested in sex or a relationship at all), or attack anyone for misgendering me, because all it takes is a polite ""sorry, I'm a guy"" and ""oh, I see, sorry"" response from the person to move on. I want to graduate and have a job and support young people in my work, and I want to fight for changes in my country so that children wouldn't have to live in fear like I had to as a child because of my abusive family. 

But little by little even the good things in life, along with all my ambitions, are eaten by this constant feeling that I'm disgusting and infectious and a direct threat to non-trans people for simply existing.  

I beg of you. Please see us as humans. I want to live like others and do my hardest to pay taxes and help other people and contribute to the society and do something meaningful. How many more of us have to die and be driven to suicide before people realize that while we're all individuals, we're still all people, not animals. ",9.562361416361417,5.940744973626376,9.750970695970695,70.17541819291822,61.9010989010989,12.74847374847375,37.58547008547009,10.504223727775694,3.7153785103785104,1773,56,349,30,18,597,218,455,0.244,0.657,0.1,-0.9972,2,0,1,0,1,3,41.0,3,1,1,2,19,28,11,3,18,1,31,7,1,4,6,70,60,36,6,9,16,0,2,3,0,3,3,2,1,7,24,24,1,4,9,3,2,2,12,15,0,1,4,7,43,13,61,45,14,36,1,1,3,2,24,19,1,5,18,242,67,7,0.07194219932607218,0.08523974212590435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048923162544862966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134733028583355,0.1006073170164828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184463764651577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156589089746348,0.0,0.06121751283313202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334986690917382,0.0,0.15221061538355168,0.0,0.0,0.07774395953694221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639676693566132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466464469200731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371943502683526,0.0,0.0,0.1425514324554881,0.0,0.06061440577382994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782070283284583,0.1619099507276244,0.07275227520097642,0.05139552157327708,0.0,0.0788091628547903,0.06575386684119758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060341703520181214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123408806927704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102802759496575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048221339731789055,0.0,0.07216389173244013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701561232251805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278306393532553,0.06394553230540077,0.15918676886138072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050814902967603284,0.10544197394959877,0.14420996723725651,0.19057884014134102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293809834195418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646317249862843,0.10577158856042176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903048054521177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5985079517403334,0.06281715351153885,0.0,0.07897093102303386,0.0680086321369752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196166790692739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723899845970075,0.0,0.06143824513896681,0.0,0.1144226489050765,0.0720266919435438,0.0,0.17198585542479994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060956392027719984,0.05538461981906302,0.0,0.16106680430185452,0.050921058967461685,0.0,0.0574531333133286,0.12029379999007805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786930893712753,0.08163915524159343,0.0,0.0,0.05409158057603032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559040102980616,0.04609765642945739,0.0,0.05711407024325563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25961282333969016,0.12426992304282565,0.0,0.05935984884063183,0.16973349248251626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052374777936839145,0.0,0.0,0.1022113485574096,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,osean2324,2018/02/25,"I'm so close to losing my mind again Hey y'all! This is my first post here, and as a matter of fact my first post to reddit ever. A little background of me: I'm a 20yr old male, and I've been depressed before. My home was not a happy place to grow up, my dad cheated on my mom, and my mom lost it. She went actually insane, and tried to kill herself many times. Once we were away with my dad, and my mom called. She said that she loves me very dearly, but she is exhausted and she wants to end it all. When we got home, mom was at the hospital, (Dad called our neighbor and she called the ambulance.) and there were empty boxes of all sorts of pills on the table and a knife with blood on it. Ever since then I've always been kinda unstable. Not to mention all the fights they had, sometimes they would hit each others, and me being the eldest sibling, had to break things up to protect my little sisters. I've been punched in the nose so hard that it broke. Sometimes mom would try to stab dad, and once I got hit by it. Straight under the collarbone. Then there was other all sorts of fucked up things, such as mom trying to claw her eyes out, and starting to scream in the middle of the night.

Because of all that, I partly blame them that I messed up my school really badly. I was lucky to get into a high school, and when I got in, my motivation faded. I'm really struggling to finish school, I work at a nightshift so I can pay parents so they don't kick me out. I hate my job. I hate the people there, my social life during weekdays is pretty much nonexistent because my body doesn't really react well to working all nights, so I sleep most of the day.

Then I met this girl, who made everything better. I felt like everything was okay when I was with her. We had so much fun together, and I was so happy because for the first time in ages I felt like a normal, functional human being. I got motivated to lose a little bit of weight (I'm not obese, just have a little bit extra), I got motivated with my school. Then I found out she is moving abroad for college. We decided to do the long-distance thing, and tough it's hard, we are still together after a year. I'm going to meet her this next week, and I'm supposed to be so happy and excited. But she has fallen really sick. She has a tumor in her lung, and it's so big that she needs to be scanned for possible cancer etc. I'm trying to stay strong for her, but when I'm not talking to her I'm just crying in despair. I'm so close to losing my mind again, and thoughts of suicide have re-emerged in my mind. I know that I don't want to live if she's gone. If we would break up, at least I would know that one of us fucked up or we grew apart. But I am so afraid of losing her. I try to talk to my mother about it, and she just says that go get meds, don't be so sad, what's wrong with you and so on. I think she's a huge hypocrite, considering she was depressed and literally destroyed my life. 

I've been contemplating ending it all this morning, and the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of my girlfriend, and ironically, listening to Suicideboys. I'm so fucking lost. I don't want to fall back into the same black hole I was in for so long.",3.2433496262219665,4.0679456651651655,4.447193789534214,88.4170989074181,72.82882882882883,7.3497667880646596,23.629672225416908,7.53845456269673,0.8391244393329496,2487,63,549,28,47,819,287,666,0.213,0.705,0.083,-0.9985,2,0,0,0,1,2,86.0,9,2,4,16,35,42,9,2,29,1,45,18,6,5,10,102,95,56,2,11,14,13,5,2,2,4,7,4,3,3,29,44,2,2,12,0,1,9,9,28,1,4,35,13,89,14,83,49,18,89,0,11,3,4,71,41,3,8,36,368,118,12,0.0,0.0,0.05438219455006717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636990909040197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523580068293535,0.042851159990375434,0.04653030018444426,0.10191326258830846,0.0,0.04742016656299183,0.0,0.0,0.04928662032564138,0.12168042600411395,0.06190090970339693,0.0,0.0,0.17071263153850505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121425961601371,0.03593975505131294,0.0,0.09599636946793008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871639935809108,0.0,0.06215111435785719,0.0,0.10081778684472814,0.0,0.0,0.10016892345884243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701465893457697,0.0,0.0,0.14220585466244046,0.0,0.0611025445893976,0.0,0.15455807678914013,0.05823084438575376,0.0,0.06334267017618833,0.0,0.22285265505173574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796951270992026,0.0998421429639176,0.11003912910918344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887937272893407,0.11179884995046577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055301141461295764,0.04953333862397852,0.06165444122670793,0.0,0.06125297096538303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787242424949309,0.05445147677538973,0.22341517483974613,0.049208578420569436,0.0986345183793284,0.0,0.2493801584220165,0.12166673105915644,0.0,0.05029642330979075,0.05273089540249702,0.0,0.056499139087718926,0.0,0.0,0.06190090970339693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880726676700633,0.391605639080472,0.0,0.0592297237835075,0.08193254046173612,0.04132138203443501,0.0,0.0,0.059267039169799876,0.10459333917957003,0.054601312049004036,0.0,0.0,0.05847684477129714,0.11869635948943465,0.03776253049169531,0.04238342560810674,0.0,0.0,0.06187901383614889,0.0603476664416918,0.0,0.03863456910628955,0.0,0.0582235835016646,0.0,0.0,0.06282460639215663,0.10674346048478343,0.05669510345928878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280236162511664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300980242857538,0.0443169022927116,0.0,0.22559762263748204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609852776074011,0.0,0.05576794399920843,0.05680737028096869,0.0,0.0,0.1102322367926078,0.0,0.039444351559707436,0.059398311391981276,0.044504211706707916,0.0,0.0,0.05825868985769925,0.0,0.060957056774162924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958362564570746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809202559445694,0.03570805877081239,0.0,0.08848313492931661,0.0649905378505419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891772448136252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703355927038906,0.0,0.0,0.045981187227412616,0.09860892062185052,0.0,0.04470139799061303,0.06786132318342868,0.05010589323925747,0.05166013447109908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114085589313393,0.0,0.0,0.1583494313606664,0.060929489615899765,0.0,0.03588681048627674
suicidewatch,itzzspencer,2018/02/25,"where do i find happiness? i felt like i was living a pretty happy life, and to be honest, i didnt try that hard in school cause my family was pretty well off. i was evicted from my home at 19 and my dad fled to taiwan. i lived in my car and i honestly couldnt feel any kind of emotion i had nothing going for me.  4 years ago, i started feeling hopeless. it spiraled from being old and still in community college (22 at the time) then realizing that im wasting my life away. 1 year later, i finally found the courage to go out and make friends in the pursuit of happiness. close friends i can trust and share similar hobbies. 1.5 years later, i've never been happier in my life. i would cry driving to work thinking that for once, i have a reason to live and that i genuinely felt happy. it was the best feeling in my life, i didnt worry about my future anymore i just wanted it stay this way. not long afterwards, i found the love of my life, she meant everything to me. i was happy.  here i am today. i've lost everything. i found my best friend that i made. the friend that i trusted the most. the one that made me genuinely feel happy for once. the one  that would go out and try new things every weekend. He told me that our friendship was superficial and that all he wanted was my girlfriend of two years. and he succeeded. she left me for him. i dont really have much left to say. but i just feel like there is nothing  to live for anymore. im too old for my major to get anywhere, i don't even have a good gpa. i'm not attractive. there is honestly no reason to go on. there is nothing to look forward to. i've lost the people i've trusted and loved the most. all i wanted was to be happy. im not happy at all. i'm worse than i've ever been. i think im ready to go. i dont expect anyone to read this, but i just.. need to get this off my chest. i've heard too many horror stories about the suicide hotline. thanks for reading.",1.2209346567411108,3.162851523573206,3.1973200992555846,90.5441852770885,80.9106699751861,6.0191894127378,22.492142266335808,7.116496586553881,0.7130311000827128,1496,49,324,19,39,504,185,403,0.085,0.7,0.215,0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,1,0,0,6,16,35,0,0,15,0,31,8,1,6,5,58,70,14,1,8,8,1,8,2,5,2,5,2,1,0,17,14,0,0,17,3,0,9,11,3,1,3,26,11,51,32,47,38,9,52,0,3,1,2,19,20,0,2,25,205,68,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053749846984607455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123432267003597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026854706924915,0.04239785775316613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569691910920507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726675178005864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062289517500721474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660541653140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421290651923885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820694720560136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04004927630176023,0.05484841872375256,0.051088152035114825,0.0,0.10899082848227393,0.0,0.057161896305328475,0.0,0.15329603783613696,0.04331812193056656,0.11643946979044745,0.0664233929589054,0.05541988745405039,0.0,0.0,0.1994515881937129,0.1873878174011432,0.0,0.06335925108981914,0.0,0.17230319200791908,0.05085830808932562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163822328671475,0.05431763416901541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060822502921643685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261987637318896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314270073065227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317616267107105,0.0,0.21414377121381886,0.05924703352004665,0.0,0.2141695665800576,0.05366064395975146,0.050918676231596835,0.0,0.13238195399310634,0.0,0.10945208667400004,0.11474984013163908,0.040474768578025545,0.061475034023260475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457418107448855,0.044960567673626745,0.04676595292004868,0.05856229058167047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454463044526436,0.0,0.1272538335958404,0.12914998097088268,0.08217657416610047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203712638161984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337651406336733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213041218104894,0.0,0.038844751359291996,0.1246870982945462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048219904236419565,0.0,0.06136651704406445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042918226601536734,0.06462953724086018,0.04842371004274208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632556176354261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582516173858322,0.0,0.0,0.0402836328968582,0.0777057549295448,0.0,0.0,0.03535713632157369,0.0,0.05747550819005717,0.05793996400481107,0.0,0.08233525500831711,0.0,0.05923222133497901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729343576038544,0.04812975822941679,0.0,0.0,0.05451873323002117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414347684981931,0.06157844796782145,0.06179290967403511,0.08614765496999306,0.0,0.0,0.1561894875746669
suicidewatch,joeisanerd,2018/02/25,"Drunk and disappointed in myself So I'm drunk and highly disappointed in myself. I've  lost my motivation to do school work, well any work at that, and I'm on the edge. I have been for years because I do my want to be here anymore. I keep hearing it gets better and that it will get easier, but I know it won't. I don't want this hardship anymore. I can't deal with my family looking at me the way they do with they're ""oh he's finally out of his room again"" looks. I don't know anymore. I just.... don't know, and I need... something to motivate me and send me in the direction that will get me to what I need.",0.47098062243100003,2.313817977099241,2.9323664122137423,91.98707574867883,82.96946564885495,6.4735173223722855,20.763945977686433,7.61054688173877,0.6068844392248973,469,14,111,8,13,162,73,131,0.103,0.7909999999999999,0.106,-0.1597,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,6,5,5,0,0,3,0,13,2,0,2,0,21,30,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,8,9,2,1,5,2,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,3,21,2,15,24,0,14,0,3,2,0,6,9,0,0,3,72,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467772999773718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017224635309672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279846278958717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914414503744475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385550350910992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897427400752773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473163689942831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643148214466879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006414507904407,0.0,0.0,0.17817236499434566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989072878426013,0.0,0.0,0.27803251446161903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832222200643786,0.0,0.18408525948246252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25008175259626064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706678421468205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982362846665027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989308398106285,0.1338547855692136,0.0,0.0,0.15162331194818618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455368921591904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859555053142912
suicidewatch,BlackRockStrength,2018/02/25,i don’t know anymore i feel like i’m ready to end it. i have letters to people i care about. i haven’t felt any real joy for a long time. i’ve thought about what life can bring to bring joy into my life but there’s nothing. everything’s temporary and meaningless. it hurts and i don’t know why but it does. i don’t think i can keep going. i want it to stop hurting so much everyday day. every night when i lie awake exhausted. i can’t do it anymore i can’t i don’t know. i just can’t i’m sorry.,-2.1282638888888883,-0.3439147589285696,0.8491666666666688,100.05694444444444,102.83928571428572,4.2746031746031745,16.043650793650794,6.139981653823899,-0.4998230158730155,385,11,96,5,18,133,63,112,0.185,0.7,0.115,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,12,3,0,0,0,17,27,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,2,2,15,4,8,25,1,12,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282592523123012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582475620663177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841513262852803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164831856768165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805937469447812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997327554622856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217782506772187,0.0,0.1623271401494556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132550973215132,0.12903300117179875,0.17342088682880627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264894683984148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867090085228465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605409127550171,0.0,0.0,0.29778755503607873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25515061365085084,0.08824046617108029,0.0,0.0,0.1598405846411432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277446256870135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694970559874061,0.0,0.17330712490933092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521726095034474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558197532935285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202186226659728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100411047438814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573224230439673,0.0,0.14338992322739647,0.1053193723339565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653273507091658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297897703435596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lazer317,2018/02/25,"First time truly being suicidal, I think, but I doubt myself too much to truly know. It's 2:49 and im just to god damn scared to fall asleep. The second i try, my heart just starts racing. i've been freaking out all day. i have chronic pain in my one foot, and now the other one is hurting. im absolutely terrified about my health all the time. i can barely go anywhere. i depressed, anxious, and can barely take care of myself.  my parents have decided if i can't support myself after this semester of college, they will no longer support me. im not allowed to stay in my home because im apparently to depressing to them. i don't know if i can keep this up. i have a hard enough time just keeping good hygiene. i feel like i will ultimately fail, and be disowned. i fucking hate myself so much, i just wanna die. i've been planning it all day. never truly considered it this intently before. If I become homeless, I will absolutely kill myself. Good thing its so easy to buy a gun in Virginia. I don't think I have the balls to do it any other way. ",1.5616723842195557,3.8161675000000064,3.586106346483706,86.51541166380791,81.54716981132076,5.930017152658662,23.78730703259005,7.1686216300943375,1.0768132075471706,818,30,162,11,22,277,121,212,0.293,0.583,0.124,-0.9933,3,0,0,1,0,2,30.0,0,0,2,3,9,18,4,2,6,0,19,7,3,2,4,30,34,10,3,4,9,1,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,11,5,0,2,6,1,1,2,6,12,0,4,2,2,31,6,18,27,6,19,0,4,0,1,3,5,2,4,11,114,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067182952964055,0.0,0.0,0.13401707265280466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231517458737899,0.13101647780187434,0.10094459357516668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095023403060885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301186097803265,0.0,0.20435007303821584,0.0,0.12311823633562825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225755316902533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998241770985969,0.08474862497174618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090581879223996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967065544792416,0.0,0.0,0.06741962924579135,0.1990008563099037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626833764679293,0.11712163801171392,0.0,0.12609714463213514,0.0,0.14057600861117647,0.0,0.0,0.11899462073197732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699486348017042,0.0,0.5125589714614521,0.0,0.0,0.2108859204101096,0.13124547977845333,0.0,0.13039085915395332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795616708091709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441201912490803,0.0,0.09149404519014673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607722439266574,0.0,0.12622968500894874,0.0,0.13172353357773764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187683851943381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396626004553298,0.12644279506167233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297609385962902,0.2692377054960127,0.0,0.0,0.08919429039806681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881187698643796,0.15202542467621422,0.0,0.0,0.20752067859693307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054134548858649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416222699367403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YesWomansLand,2018/02/25,"If I hadn't been so tired I probably would have killed myself tonight. This was a terrible night. It started last night. I made a new friend about a month ago. Things were going good. Then I started overthinking everything like I always do. Started getting jealous over the dumbest things. My mood kept sinking lower and lower. Then I go to work on Saturday at a place I hate. The night before just kept festering while I was stuck in a place I didn't want to be and by the time I was heading home my eyes were already stinging.  
  
I try playing video games to distract myself like I always do. A few online friends kept me busy for about an hour. After that I went to watching videos on suicide and taking online depression tests like I always do. The few people I actually talk to weren't responding to my text. I just wanted to know how their day was. After a few hours of crying I finally get a text back. I never tell anyone about these things I go through but I decided to tell this person how I was feeling because I thought I could finally open up to someone. There response was ""don't tell me that."" Which eventually led to them not wanting to talk to me anymore because they ""would just make things worse.""  
  
If I hadn't been so wiped out from everything I know I would have done it tonight. My eyes burn like hell and I can't even get out of bed right now. I think this is the tipping point though. I don't think tomorrow will be any better. I think tomorrow night will be even worse.",2.598026634382567,4.8106573050847485,3.398928571428573,89.45921610169495,77.64406779661017,6.383777239709443,25.11198547215497,7.447530270364453,1.2106053268765131,1175,43,236,16,28,372,157,295,0.136,0.7879999999999999,0.076,-0.9449,2,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,3,2,16,17,4,1,14,0,33,4,3,5,1,38,61,15,2,9,7,0,1,4,2,5,1,0,2,1,13,7,0,3,8,4,0,5,9,7,0,0,22,4,42,9,31,30,3,48,1,1,3,0,13,13,1,2,34,161,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.08864085510687827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051883683498373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002375484068916,0.0,0.22674342734830086,0.0,0.0,0.061770216760254175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008289382314563,0.06351322621546558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984571871904785,0.0,0.11074309422167702,0.0,0.07729302114838983,0.0,0.0,0.0803352679519165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252353655403318,0.0,0.09977685457511938,0.058580398353493664,0.0,0.07823516821263178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295469169812892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998996554628663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327143661612795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045928386220381916,0.0,0.0,0.19900835592018465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035620509307914,0.0,0.14237100624534468,0.0,0.15486912110546727,0.07618722732216257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967974334388235,0.09322186233840586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111388149710684,0.0,0.1789063334306677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049433342453094,0.0,0.09983995256406276,0.0740418117922075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775075648614812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594930193053267,0.06063238260010401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250281098303678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005676004399199,0.08772801755842742,0.0,0.34096612319774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297284011064347,0.07931272196705827,0.1898043384116394,0.0,0.08586746502369047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793438650210526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757171699853857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696333091758918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287826173527287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935762397903553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829584358987817,0.14601781422225027,0.2381786893347809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413842231231942,0.17460822737141074,0.08924391770307565,0.07211202864800742,0.05296602037293893,0.10440029023742417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061670305458543816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072869286361516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420400339377046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612821448249638,0.0,0.1851351581717943,0.1935775457062728,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taiga1234,2018/02/25,"Lost Life has become dull and repetitive. My attempts at solving this issue with distractions has utterly failed. These distractions are simply ways to entertain myself before time kills me. Specifically, my distraction is learning, however, even this has become unbearable. The complexities of reality have crushed my confidence and has, as a result, forced me to question myself to a point of despair and frustration. In other words, I am simply not intelligent enough to have this as a true distraction. I've found that nothing else really interests me, I have no friends, my parents have passed away, I have developed Pure OCD, which has forced me to become a recluse and socially awkward, I have no goals and therefore I no longer desire to live. Existence has simply become unbearable. 

I am grateful for my childhood, living in such a small and simple world was quite enjoyable. Without this, I would still be searching for happiness and now without any desires I can make the decision to stop running in this race without much hesitation. 

I am lost, with the same question running through my head, ""Is it to be, or not to be?""",7.879867239359625,9.37762198477158,7.51086294416244,68.20409996095279,62.654822335025365,11.137680593518157,39.011714174150725,11.051253699011982,4.934611401796173,909,47,137,25,13,287,117,197,0.235,0.644,0.121,-0.9658,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,6,4,18,2,5,8,0,24,2,1,3,2,32,28,10,1,3,6,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,6,1,0,3,8,12,0,0,4,0,21,6,26,20,3,18,0,5,0,0,5,8,0,3,6,109,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687146504399129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002130196584665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643404116610767,0.10870219236720058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671515076894676,0.0,0.0,0.13199546952838187,0.0,0.08437483826583438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006658005427078,0.09869602054153878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359876863105796,0.0,0.0,0.13110395559883206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333333440571266,0.0,0.0,0.14133170370911974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023057458347968,0.0,0.0,0.2256036089828417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788990710674228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527125501311203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390779725092528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122575456403788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184649597496782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076098931583185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28620886781731136,0.1358732897068291,0.0,0.0,0.08183717450277024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022066643215632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020178909676939,0.1068011356713102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448955222555967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139860045866217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694269245173699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074688891138086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tenaculum1,2018/02/25,"Greetings all, this is my last day alive. I'd love to chat with you fine people and here how you are doing.  I'm here to talk to you guys about whatever and attempt to give advice if needed.  :)",2.663666666666668,3.735598700000004,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,74.5,6.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.11308333333333342,148,3,33,1,3,48,32,40,0.0,0.7020000000000001,0.298,0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,7,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854568800663135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254390855300674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783971980921875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905724857000455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32153348832097634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35601105589268633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924833990364611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734654441881888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170480031988196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shiprekked,2018/02/25,"What is the most painless way to kill oneself? 
This is not a cry for help. I don't want solutions to ""get better."" It's not happening for me. I have no marketable skills, no higher education, and no resources or ambition to improve either prospect. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, and been on and off medication for years. Nothing I've found has worked. I have no friends to talk to about this, and none of my family has anything close to the same political views or mindset that I do. My dread moves on to a bigger world picture as well. Every news story I see is something along the lines of ""by 2050 there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish"" or some other world statistic. I know that wars will be fought over water within my lifetime(If I were to live out my lifespan). I know it's stupid to worry about these things that I have no control over, but I literally cannot shut off my mind to it no matter how hard I try. I want out, and I want out in a way that doesn't leave a huge mess for anyone else, and won't be agonizing for me. If such a way exists, I'm all ears. Sorry for the poorly written mess. ",3.956578947368424,4.920212684210528,4.872763157894738,85.50809210526316,71.28070175438597,7.805263157894737,26.969298245614038,8.07648339933343,1.5224245614035081,884,29,185,12,16,288,137,228,0.16699999999999998,0.736,0.097,-0.8354,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,4,6,11,4,1,10,0,21,5,1,2,1,35,33,13,2,4,8,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,13,12,1,1,3,0,1,1,13,8,1,0,6,4,21,3,37,21,7,23,0,1,2,0,4,18,0,6,1,132,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392522481753675,0.16694218290428595,0.13407842604104342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440993318643694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827411011858142,0.0,0.0,0.17897218054228262,0.0,0.0,0.14033233167883946,0.16537165331836062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361080407607559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727649260010827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359695590032404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864555922825806,0.12588017624486314,0.0,0.0851247835055932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407944800956524,0.0,0.14595427722523754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920929278030242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025913987487494,0.0,0.1790853609458654,0.0,0.0,0.17252052671031015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387116068314446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164135958396764,0.0,0.0,0.1645139809699421,0.0,0.0,0.17316999151743953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633680031617214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298350048866833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543233338161314,0.0,0.18238804527234048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095785951890834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824419386847378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106195328528276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883029812876581,0.3879814087746354,0.0,0.0,0.14649464074711774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861579312855355,0.1654644574141288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492229695703786
suicidewatch,LowRule,2018/02/25,"Someone pm me... sorry to be back, but its worse than ever.",-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,1.5,94.995,103.16666666666666,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.243466666666667,43,1,9,0,2,15,12,12,0.34600000000000003,0.654,0.0,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657866232069106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303010445622724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030620264692544,0.0,0.0,0.5325111147433883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847825005347808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idk_4nymore,2018/02/25,"Weird coincidence? I've suffered from depression for a long time I have just kind of given up on everything because every time I think it has finally gotten better , it just comes back.... I've contemplated suicide and have recently felt really low the other day a close friend of mine said they had a dream about me and apparently I killed myself in their dream . They are completely unaware of my situation and I was thrown off guard by this, didn't even know how to respond.",6.149700374531838,7.375595449438201,6.635449438202247,73.90950374531836,66.41573033707866,10.427715355805246,30.563670411985026,10.504223727775694,3.3210883895131094,381,14,68,10,6,124,71,89,0.22,0.679,0.101,-0.9183,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,1,6,8,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,12,14,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,7,2,11,3,12,7,0,14,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,0,7,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488887972263673,0.0,0.13864654871226675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115399013707866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959211672994296,0.23846863820490805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466812917046315,0.0,0.19589548471333607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022331387811308,0.0,0.19162971737111026,0.0,0.20441022845909204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183800137402564,0.2491516234683204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572114598453575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25163090470563537,0.23684587155837405,0.12499619000075025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127903684774245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570518658055515,0.0,0.22457156300358488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634945152322888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556543679680338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487846623712628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457356672934897,0.0,0.0,0.26524655014720194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LupusNox,2018/02/25,Tired Im tired and just want to die. I constantly feel depressed and Im tired of going through the motions every day. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is knowing how it would hurt my family and fiancée. I would have done it years ago if I didn't have to worry. I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I can't make it a day without wanting to kill myself or cut myself. I don't know how to talk to others about it and im afraid to burden friends or family with my shit. I don't know how im going to live like this anymore I'm ready to be done. I'm going to bed and hopefully God or some other deity will take pitty on me and just let me die in my sleep.,1.3364000000000011,2.450891106666667,3.4450000000000003,92.62750000000004,77.93333333333334,6.066666666666666,21.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.15186666666666634,526,13,124,4,12,180,86,150,0.213,0.652,0.135,-0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,4,1,3,0,15,7,4,4,0,34,32,14,4,8,9,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,5,6,8,0,0,3,1,17,3,19,23,1,13,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,6,6,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097437482823101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901114279055717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878451289252598,0.0,0.08776220726755328,0.0,0.0,0.1417786640419768,0.0,0.0946739689559037,0.0,0.228159293734435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497272766682325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261237409310234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072456612195136,0.0,0.05557887469999884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492394985101567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498803662298047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091754011867784,0.0,0.0,0.11767167570752395,0.0,0.4749300201437807,0.0,0.0,0.09770198163036688,0.24322047540103905,0.0,0.18122753715923168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240068770160924,0.0,0.05370137902515739,0.0,0.09706140870899334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337247991086825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359914322816678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283134095568048,0.0,0.0,0.2199988448804607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264618998801375,0.08834956405484035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730259900007489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37901074655052797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296673744569346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264026207082586,0.10595899557444284,0.0,0.0,0.11162913576025768,0.0,0.15616808460483536,0.0,0.0,0.07078490156941189
suicidewatch,anon-7,2018/02/25,"The train tracks would look pretty painted red. I take the train back down home tomorrow. Maybe that could be my way out.

I've been suicidal for years. A few months ago I abandoned my two closest friends who helped me through more than they know. I regret it so much.
I left twice before and went back and they understood that I wasn't well. I don't want to go back this time because I can't keep doing this to them. Plus they think I'm dead because I sent one of them a suicide note prior to a failed attempt. All I know it I was that truck didn't swerve.

The person I sent the note to, she was the only person who ever gave a flying fuck about my wellbeing. It wasn't until recently I realized the other was a damn snake who never cared. 
 I don't know what I want people to tell me, I guess I just needed to get this out. 

I just want to be done. This train is my way out. Fuck my life. I hate myself. I've been denying this shit ever since I left and I told myself it wouldn't get to me. I lied. I'm losing my mind. 
 I WANT TO PULL A KNIFE OUT OF THE BLOCK AND CUT MY WRISTS",0.2943678160919525,2.224805103448276,1.9636206896551731,98.20178160919542,84.17241379310346,4.901149425287357,16.563218390804597,5.985473137389443,-0.6686902298850579,832,16,199,6,24,271,123,232,0.244,0.7070000000000001,0.049,-0.9937,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,5,3,10,13,6,0,13,0,19,5,2,0,4,35,47,7,3,9,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,17,9,0,3,6,0,0,5,8,10,1,3,15,2,40,3,22,27,4,29,0,4,2,2,18,8,4,1,14,132,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899080138000372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836308057362745,0.0,0.14990254530450056,0.0,0.10462431708134703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535922121335516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816831288975816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258240523391224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224368420189076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499351874084948,0.22733693848712555,0.1284761899525749,0.0,0.06987727046982553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544707034433098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139106175408733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241309561102493,0.0,0.1233323201322966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928666223491004,0.0,0.0,0.2027159767968279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717853337230524,0.0,0.08684564717668562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324991863288406,0.13755344329022254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235232513390968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414791908140245,0.0,0.09814025862716884,0.0,0.09038492179442216,0.09116841397989063,0.09482926877011008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331642949226913,0.09351162767270704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524043042126818,0.21471639349522534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508784576715673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140168366942185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620993395187002,0.10170835184680672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689822030807865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244568123902797,0.0,0.10746672142254107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878359638897785,0.0,0.0,0.0716951366074386,0.0,0.0,0.11748727602185285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010763998390316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900844858761418,0.19518942709370676,0.0,0.0,0.11054990401487637,0.11397906589361187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734259238799744,0.0,0.0,0.0791779808357877
suicidewatch,sourambrosia,2018/02/25,"The light in my life has gone out I feel so alone. I can't tell anyone what happened. Even if they believed me they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. 

I was literally one mile away from my apartment. I was so close. They ended up driving me to a hotel almost ten miles away. I search everywhere for the video they took. All day. I search every title and website I can think of. I'm sick with terror at the thought of finding it. 

I'm so ashamed. I shouldn't have told my boyfriend. I shouldn't have burdened him with that. I have so many regrets.. I could never live with this shame. This guilt.

If only I knew how to ease this pain, because I can hardly live with it anymore. ",0.28960317460317603,2.6545530714285697,1.4347619047619062,98.62912698412701,89.71428571428572,3.6825396825396814,19.206349206349206,5.033348758259628,-0.5486269841269844,530,16,117,2,18,166,92,140,0.165,0.8,0.034,-0.9593,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,0,7,7,0,4,4,0,15,3,0,1,2,23,25,8,0,7,2,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,7,0,2,7,3,23,0,18,13,1,16,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,3,3,81,31,0,0.19097421960211247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123309476264866,0.1977916966966316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939510954168573,0.13353361471757305,0.0,0.15715551067446576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588531316061413,0.0,0.0,0.1164161117108268,0.0,0.0,0.21516254808405708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247737463860622,0.0,0.0,0.12316257274036242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169146474415988,0.0,0.0,0.12613667092643413,0.0,0.16090401666533202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656230356408783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745469769266299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887787169210236,0.0,0.17107538960394145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348907390836217,0.0,0.0,0.33726746943712443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361788408752184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729109134434032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940907365404186,0.1452444996353276,0.2032100343402748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669198854617078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236856872002122,0.0,0.15161219833674333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248405085020425,0.21217938483077556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thereisnoname123,2018/02/25,"Venting, no where else to put this Hello, I don’t know why I am writing my thoughts here when I feel like I am beyond help but I want to get things out of my head I guess. 

I was completely normal until I turned 20. I then started to develop a phobia that I am honestly so embarrassed of that it is hard to even type it here on a throwaway account. I have a phobia of vomiting. It feels so childish to be scared of something like this but that’s the reality I guess. It makes no sense to me why It happened and I have tried so hard for 5 years to fight the panic with logic when I feel sick. It doesn’t seem like it would be that bad until it took over everything. Going to the gym? Nope people workout too hard and get sick. Drive the car? Car sickness. Eat something? Food poisoning. Never touch your face. Try not to go outside, people get sick and you could catch something etc etc. I Use hand sanitizer 20+ times a day. I had to quit my job and find a new one working from home because on certain days I am unable to fight the panic. I have eaten one meal I deemed safe for the past 5 years. This has to be some layer of hell I have never heard of. 

Now here is the part that makes this hard funny enough. I have a beautiful girlfriend and awesome dog. I have actually managed to get an excellent job. I have caring friends and family. I would have a perfect life if I wasn’t so fucked in the head and broken. I feel like an anchor always pulling these people down. Why would they want to associate with a depressive individual such as myself so beyond hope. I know my girlfriend loves me and it makes me hate myself every single day that I am taking away a normal life from her because she has to deal with my bullshit. I have nightmares most nights about dying and most times I wish they were true. 

What do you do when you would have everything you ever wanted and you are stuck watching years go by hiding from a pathetic fear you feel you can’t control? What is the point of continuing to drag these people down and make them deal with your bullshit? I feel like dying would just finally put me at peace and would help let everyone move on too. 

I don’t want to make this post too long and I’m missing details I’m sure. I don’t know why I’m doing this. ",2.172693936576799,4.117439086767895,3.4343151533932463,89.99004519161244,77.87201735357918,6.212602003925213,22.256016940398716,7.1686216300943375,0.658874145232931,1773,52,373,21,42,576,221,461,0.223,0.606,0.171,-0.9865,2,0,3,0,2,0,37.0,0,9,3,5,23,30,6,5,21,0,44,18,4,7,7,72,92,28,2,16,5,0,12,5,3,6,8,1,1,0,26,18,4,2,13,2,1,12,12,14,0,2,9,14,58,16,50,72,8,52,1,2,1,2,27,14,2,8,30,252,84,6,0.0,0.0,0.06704018269744673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571629593620492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454484546927293,0.0,0.057360683053352964,0.08375638141295055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004307181207672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202945331862433,0.0,0.07705161912634276,0.05485045394231607,0.0,0.0,0.1329152545980802,0.14165102733544535,0.05917023210139723,0.0,0.1425971522609915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029608999214806,0.05738908679370816,0.0,0.0,0.07098429231985738,0.15323478928621145,0.04537495268059067,0.062142056836270734,0.057881757055127415,0.06564470991247047,0.12348422098164585,0.0,0.06476317625427634,0.0773053229936156,0.20841726308940167,0.14723544949987966,0.0,0.07525624906890374,0.06278951838839276,0.0,0.08307094073111837,0.0,0.05307657299117243,0.06351099406118121,0.14356928691627066,0.0,0.11712944511404964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135909082773835,0.0,0.06075017978948522,0.0,0.24616275825512315,0.06782590680995673,0.14100971104187834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209480273196838,0.0,0.06891056335675587,0.0682334743037305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634604699629702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326529937570175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024924435943541,0.09704808059408752,0.16781397759735106,0.0,0.0,0.06079633404953014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200340820398769,0.0,0.2292851305411789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301602181408738,0.0,0.0,0.10596960029046387,0.06634979229059146,0.0,0.06446923138674371,0.13462060387855415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310425826785723,0.0,0.0,0.1612066330929484,0.0,0.07439417656988606,0.06558084046052334,0.1905085730910124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494263323626412,0.0,0.06579452293038003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812266895677974,0.0,0.07306969966068698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877954887682276,0.0,0.0,0.06254086690890656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586632287175704,0.0,0.0,0.04862541051944064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474786761942795,0.0,0.05165299709960032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045640473568729335,0.0,0.0,0.05453922538785158,0.08011772174979785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632696721565085,0.09328404018582863,0.07472463817663012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933376235397946,0.0,0.0,0.1620814829505923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479601623849651,0.0,0.0790003048146863,0.0,0.0,0.05001359220888756,0.0,0.0,0.2928102174696836,0.0,0.0,0.13271945080555786
suicidewatch,AsleepHighlight,2018/02/25,"alone, abused?, meds aren't working Hey, I know that a Saturday night can be a pretty busy time in places like this, and I'm sorry for using up your time. 

I guess I've always known that I wanted to kill myself, but lately I've realized that the time to actually follow through is coming closer and closer. 

I'm currently on medical leave from college after several suicide attempts and I'm at home with my family. I'm away from my close friends and about a 5 hour drive from my boyfriend, and it's taking a toll on me. 

While I'm at home, I'm living with my parents. My parents are very nice people, but I've been told by my therapist that some of the things they've done (trying to send me to ex-gay therapy, being mad at me after I got outed as bisexual, their non-reaction after I got raped) are abuse, but I feel like I must've greatly exaggerated those things or mis-represented them or mis-remembered them. I don't think anything has happened in my life that should make a therapist think I was abused, and I'm extremely embarrassed that I've led people to believe I have. It's shameful, and shame is very painful. 

I'm currently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety, and PTSD, and the medications I've been prescribed have been working really well for the last few months until things started to get bad about a month ago. I've been having increased anxiety, more trouble falling aseep, and more self-hating thoughts, including thoughts of suicide. It took years for me to get on medications/therapy/lifestyle changes that were able to help me before, and now that they're no longer working I feel that it might be reasonable for me to assume there's a chance I will never feel normal again. 

I have seen quite a few attempted suicides/accidental deaths or near deaths through my line of work, and I think I know exactly what I can overdose on that will kill me relatively quickly, and at a dose that will make death much more likely. I've been thinking of the technical aspects of this more frequently now that the time is coming closer. I just am afraid of how everyone around me will deal with it when I'm gone. How do I let my boyfriend know about this? My friends? My family? That's what's holding me back. ",7.390054347826087,6.878332671296299,7.413921095008052,75.36231884057973,63.72222222222222,10.938969404186798,35.21779388083736,10.374825546531014,3.5034845813204516,1782,71,337,37,23,574,217,432,0.191,0.741,0.069,-0.9958,4,1,0,0,3,5,51.0,0,1,3,7,15,19,4,4,15,0,34,8,0,7,2,61,74,25,7,3,7,2,3,3,2,6,7,0,2,0,27,22,0,1,16,0,0,10,4,11,1,0,16,4,43,8,52,48,9,59,0,0,1,1,13,20,0,7,32,212,70,5,0.08147088619590565,0.2895890337727481,0.07950383261058168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221902494068498,0.0,0.0,0.08437926776525029,0.0,0.0,0.06779030381161134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465000988849215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670435975698429,0.07252636154527661,0.0,0.0,0.07654457943862937,0.0626460825869679,0.06802478693239138,0.0,0.0,0.06932572353841039,0.09178978976900287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618539494126935,0.14035990906500814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399290629337064,0.0,0.08269123454016246,0.0,0.0,0.0933726938870742,0.0,0.0,0.08337300266593216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784892311831389,0.0,0.0,0.15360700156462093,0.0,0.12358238396064546,0.058202817377007776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258884091553709,0.0,0.08513035090107594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303194203959172,0.08982193964848036,0.08974936625371585,0.0,0.07204443560130581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054608217684539634,0.0,0.1634438831690434,0.0,0.08023241184267975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802709293194965,0.0,0.13432280521658216,0.06640964602399321,0.09190270825100348,0.08626590501414985,0.0,0.08330950095673167,0.057545296300515865,0.11940767922570572,0.0,0.07194028512681276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876489833513253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904957882670721,0.1641466933408743,0.0,0.08642773551646862,0.0,0.0,0.1300585681679578,0.0,0.059890475514301725,0.0,0.06283536995510129,0.0,0.0,0.07645490770566983,0.07982417056497387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866907670370157,0.0,0.1809275553824068,0.0,0.0,0.11296330869400713,0.0,0.08511973588051626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288518057352537,0.0,0.0,0.09523510616564584,0.0,0.0,0.08665431591895092,0.0,0.0,0.052192335878366115,0.0837656399663259,0.0,0.0,0.09229063225986096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499190244238758,0.09203891163559083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911999869766216,0.057665512577811974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782318524768246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061255967242432485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931690586231547,0.1891879564829028,0.16237691000568233,0.2088130168965368,0.0,0.12935756650650304,0.19002531564937644,0.0,0.0,0.07784892311831389,0.09051715226631653,0.055313383837596215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036468757306172,0.0,0.13444402686612486,0.04805363951622076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325211095021324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372471018567633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052464579582235514
suicidewatch,bandgeeknproudofit,2018/02/25,"Take a shower I don't really post so I apologise for any format or content errors.
I've been feeling exceptionally suicidal lately due to a recent infection of bed bugs in my home. I'm a home care nurse and enter questionable homes on a regular basis. After three years at this job and being what I thought was careful, I got them. 
I can't sleep, don't want to leave the house, and constantly feel shame and disgust. I haven't seen my friends or family for weeks because I'm too ashamed. I'm isolating myself.
Tonight I could not stop crying thinking about how this will never end and I will constantly be the gross person with bed bugs. I seriously considered suicide. Got meds and a knife ready and was going to fill the bath. That's when I decided to take a shower instead. Still feel gross and unwanted, but I feel like a layer of shame has been washed away.
My take is, take a shower when you're feeling bad. See how you feel afterwards.",3.8058018018018025,5.60567815675676,4.910810810810812,81.82153153153153,72.83783783783784,8.392792792792793,26.92792792792793,9.029198982220553,2.225944144144144,749,27,143,16,15,246,118,185,0.181,0.715,0.104,-0.9428,4,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,0,9,12,1,3,11,0,15,3,1,2,1,31,38,16,2,3,5,0,6,1,1,2,2,0,9,1,4,9,0,1,10,1,0,3,6,8,0,1,8,8,17,4,16,25,0,24,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,3,17,85,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285909328740249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447782365622085,0.0,0.10173587234798112,0.07427586348502058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484591407708969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633433188173948,0.0,0.09728368777118487,0.0,0.1338415199877208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107918914813971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486505880912312,0.0,0.369652363676648,0.08704642331103822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413750267715093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924758471018162,0.0,0.19490189555520354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666628030162855,0.0,0.0,0.14059330533672948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091282123911422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744698979138945,0.12901675251442182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952753870511347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353428416074146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397473281384704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063907587349586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669427262251175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649480451461987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805732380671412,0.0,0.12030769543992395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970950588465419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121933458613482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730594436729703,0.10186826317834403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665583210124285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664504981175188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807365296379648,0.0,0.09673168757169988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186761114793358,0.0,0.09773708103584684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846448349002083
suicidewatch,Everybody_Hz,2018/02/25,"doing it slowly A year ago I was assaulted by someone I loved and everyone abandoned me over it. I've been trying to drink myself to death ever since. I pray to myself every night that I won't wake up but sure enough I do. I've also been completely detached from others. The only time I engage people in conversation is to satisfy my internal desire to mock them and also reassure myself that the humans are beyond redemption. They never disappoint. 

I'll be buying a gun soon so hopefully I'll nut up and do it already. Or maybe not because there's a part of me that enjoys the pain. 

Does anyone else live this way? ",3.0712742175856964,5.195480926229514,5.081356184798807,78.38592399403876,75.80327868852459,7.7150521609538,23.38599105812221,8.575989854853784,1.8550557377049184,491,15,86,10,11,169,90,122,0.141,0.633,0.226,0.9191,0,0,1,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,7,11,2,0,6,0,10,4,1,0,3,12,12,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,14,6,13,7,2,13,1,2,0,1,6,5,0,2,7,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361439435152712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613180147658653,0.31325170603714697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369469646625431,0.2006774641831721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939190869904005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053511331120916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139477476901085,0.0,0.0,0.19186417055372446,0.0,0.0,0.1636124315594239,0.0,0.0,0.20237144930924555,0.0,0.0,0.177162829888432,0.16501700138151518,0.187148658531535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945290519208046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294430438552674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767675519509774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967635268117525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105610616550072,0.0,0.0,0.18379744821290125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489572000357924,0.2084044339751516,0.0,0.0,0.21209280026032115,0.0,0.1357817863018951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201398359123406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659480266948904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845918213959752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420512155564468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297326628800551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554612579209494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612474644400706
suicidewatch,Strfless,2018/02/25,Want to commit myself I’m pretty much ready to CTB but I figured I’d try a psych ward at least once. Not sure how to go abt it. Live in South Philly. ,-2.0991176470588258,-0.2641432647058828,0.2502352941176476,105.38005882352944,99.29411764705885,2.72,9.741176470588236,3.1291,-2.2418635294117646,115,1,30,0,5,38,30,34,0.07200000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.194,0.2862,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421266581049515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761984965246024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131862322328555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537155249764713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334328152990445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015348520822136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892511727012369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25128767430753146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trannyphantom2,2018/02/25,"I am broken I am 20years old.I abused dxm and other drugs heavily for many years(I am sober now) but I am left with permanent brain damage and depression. An inability to speak most of the time, have been catatonic and psychotic with never ending physical pains from the internal damage I have done. I am also transgender female to male and waiting on surgery but the results aren't promising and the rate of complication is high. Girlfriend of 4 years isn't sure she wants to deal with this anymore. She still cares but I understand why she cannot. I would see someone like me as inferior as well. I lack purpose in life, unable to go to school because of the brain problems , had to drop out of college to work. I am unable to have any sort of sexual relationship even with myself and the hatred I feel toward myself is insurmountable. I am so tired. Survived suicide attempts before but my body is weaker every time. I have found someone who can get me a gun for $300 and I'm thinking of taking her up on it. I hate how this all sounds. I don't want to be here. I want friends but I can't relate to them and grow frustrated and defeated in depression. I even start to hate them out of jealousy. I feel like I'm screaming inside and crying all the time, I am begging for help and for someone to talk to. I am so afraid now that my girlfriend has shown me my worst fear is indeed true (as if I haven't been through this same exact thing in other relationships). It doesn't get better for people like me, I look around and I see unhappiness everywhere but people getting pleasure from life's gifts like sex and connection. Something I will never have. Is there anyone out there  ",4.019247185741087,5.7497207042683,4.835487804878049,82.8639212007505,72.14024390243901,7.729080675422139,27.554409005628518,8.384062270229773,1.937493527204503,1333,49,254,22,26,431,181,328,0.29,0.603,0.107,-0.9976,0,0,2,1,1,1,30.0,0,0,2,5,14,27,3,2,9,0,35,9,3,2,7,52,58,27,1,7,7,0,2,4,3,2,5,3,0,1,10,21,0,1,5,0,0,2,9,15,1,0,5,8,39,12,47,50,6,27,0,6,3,1,17,13,0,3,15,181,49,3,0.0,0.12777907326025845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624386617914136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333851810238867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695358193425153,0.07540795766708691,0.0,0.0,0.09600520238414496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574150817548123,0.0,0.09176842705086492,0.0,0.0,0.0953804246117337,0.0,0.11979184233679248,0.0,0.24078209506322745,0.0,0.0,0.1099554947453226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846302375557155,0.0,0.11118379297841302,0.18577403807646625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036320895981802,0.0,0.0,0.12506633654829705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551894636623852,0.0,0.0,0.14246163801684422,0.0,0.09086433631581188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135597163721745,0.10905967182567217,0.07704472060298705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824683066698576,0.08332102935588766,0.0,0.16903419101319886,0.0,0.061290982598604674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294985919087206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722864470095992,0.11394450531712699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717425945189162,0.0,0.1523486825997109,0.2107511101900673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056291013782708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933823095961903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635392375656813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316552539795552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475502778434205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953273653994706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319340968819267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23157103474464275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914522489263767,0.17187751997648812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741309776988639,0.08302459881798395,0.0,0.0,0.07633347499670412,0.0,0.08612541459629999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796527982212697,0.0,0.10164294103062654,0.0,0.08108626169913369,0.08668198586037844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164764082769975,0.06910292864712682,0.0,0.0,0.18865642607385366,0.12395233458851244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227078505452504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908298977952786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696589746130826,0.0,0.09731363012361648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851267988464875,0.0,0.0,0.0766102235272834,0.0,0.0,0.06944885243756768
suicidewatch,coolio_hh,2018/02/25,"I don’t know why I am like this. Everything is going good in my life. I’m a manager at a local hotspot, I’m a full time student at a private college, I have a great family, and I have friends.. but I still want to die and it’s getting worse. I’ve had horrible things happen to me in the past, from my parents divorcing to getting drugged and raped by my ex-boyfriend when I was 14. I was obviously suicidal back then but I’m 20 now and I should be happy but I’m not. I’m all alone and everyone around is happy and enjoying life and I can’t. I don’t understand why can’t I just be okay. I’m so tired of this.. I don’t see any point in being alive anymore ",-0.1279080459770121,1.6976460482758642,2.746896551724141,92.586091954023,85.06896551724137,6.625287356321839,23.459770114942533,7.793537801064563,1.113404597701149,507,20,122,10,15,179,87,145,0.196,0.615,0.19,-0.7863,1,1,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,6,1,17,5,0,0,2,19,31,13,2,2,5,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,1,16,8,12,24,2,17,0,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,8,75,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774842782910343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653527088027946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699497748907775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525527452045419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177045795943154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785163799220746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987310322702756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637482796583163,0.15401339100784592,0.0,0.16154932683816264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239753102804827,0.0,0.1790641148057271,0.0,0.09739167690401224,0.14373430496553613,0.0,0.1889324540900641,0.0,0.0,0.15153905688250827,0.3648461978294216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941786877799474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24208281615704985,0.08372114118815004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028250327642768,0.0,0.16358895969341722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199697558415233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365571180530733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685371315580613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744741773138968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384845846124365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999253338476619,0.1969608776025276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783988371568224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107655298125674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092636868109721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463736521073409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadiesuckz,2018/02/25,"cant do it anymore i’m just at the end of my rope. nothing makes me happy anymore. i can’t live if there’s not passion fueling me. i can’t live if i can’t create or contribute. short term memory loss means i can hardly retain information from school and do poorly in nearly all my classes, which is an extreme blow to my self esteem. i try so so hard. anxiety prevents me from speaking to anyone without bursting into tears (not exaggerating, it’s humiliating and keeps me up at night) and i can’t imagine why my minuscule group of friends would spend time with me for any reason besides obligation . most days off i can hardly convince myself to get out of bed and perform simple fucking tasks. i wish these were fixable problems, so i could just tough it out, but they’re not. they’re not, they’re all mental fucking illnesses and i’m terrified to tell someone about them so i can get medicated or something, but how should i know if that will even help?  i just can’t stand it anymore. don’t ask me how i’ll survive college. i don’t plan on living that long. i don’t think that there’s anything that can change that. thank you for listening. i just needed an outlet ",3.174356223175966,5.103213077253223,4.450495708154509,83.9046706008584,74.87982832618027,6.8917596566523605,27.529828326180247,7.7348632917899725,1.6999615450643772,929,37,179,13,20,306,139,233,0.113,0.8140000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.8263,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,4,14,10,2,0,3,0,21,5,0,4,2,46,37,18,0,9,16,0,3,0,1,3,2,2,1,1,11,9,0,3,6,0,2,0,14,5,0,0,1,5,28,5,24,32,4,18,0,1,0,3,11,11,2,6,6,119,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092156394817984,0.0,0.10228123556481857,0.0,0.3977877051897459,0.09348715548980216,0.0,0.1100248929348392,0.0,0.12499279793666546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414383952335124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674972037314497,0.0,0.0,0.08622636788987538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118419791059534,0.0,0.0,0.08830854008412987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329740080421347,0.2472096534982765,0.13970696804625726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232766893929097,0.3593106855275767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896172568580428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883998299117278,0.0,0.0,0.07347881477305764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541824628608422,0.11832156697052874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924674934042076,0.0,0.0,0.14564006396881804,0.0,0.13469013459207105,0.13473960450262432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913792355936267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546974416007678,0.0,0.12829013752963292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793422120824305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374673481582216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353129951556958,0.0,0.0,0.13947976101387338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328479614776273,0.10292990049461387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686095160011452,0.12309432250285217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567048405893017,0.0,0.0,0.07796238480285604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077450129753603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064475357903005,0.0,0.15375005751510987,0.12888341691438884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497766682162316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,curious_sadsack,2018/02/25,"six 3+3

three cats and three people

These six balls of carbon are the only reasons I'm still breathing. I don't see a point. I don't look forward to my future. I don't have goals. I don't have any potential career paths or any ideas that may lead to one. Any job I've ever had, I've been terrible at. Constantly fucking up, never promoted. Never praised, never looked up to. I just don't want to keep trying anymore. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to figure out what could make me happy. I'm tried. I've spent a decade trying. I'm just tired. ",0.09908424908424962,2.318801649572652,2.39407203907204,92.78326923076928,88.05982905982907,4.710378510378511,16.904151404151403,6.18269132825596,-0.2788822954822958,431,10,92,4,14,146,71,117,0.092,0.853,0.055,-0.4429,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,4,4,1,0,3,0,13,3,1,3,4,20,24,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,1,1,2,8,2,0,5,3,3,7,2,13,19,0,15,1,0,3,1,1,7,1,2,8,54,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251788045887845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807535985075472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224757157402415,0.0,0.12726260949093293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441803985876685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473565714531583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967717094397622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993567583769055,0.0,0.0,0.15817329199107685,0.1416761214404029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677005173696572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639629003189804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36880190291200304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080090501561396,0.12122581518475713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050327025302936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067822376732334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388289716602347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701585271468907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272917246752409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319919295891676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5410880642113937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401431979097656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allredshirtsdie,2018/02/25,"I’m gonna do it tonight I’m done

My method will be downing 1.5L of alcohol and then taping my mouth and nose thoroughly with duct tape",3.5231034482758616,4.2588235517241415,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,72.10344827586206,8.558620689655173,28.29310344827586,8.841846274778883,1.8538827586206896,109,4,25,2,2,35,25,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7222648863725317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6916165367552124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imHidingFrumMyGf,2018/02/25,Have you ever tried a suicidal prevention or depression hotline? Part of me wants to try one but im scared. Idk who will answer or what they might say or think when i tell them why I’ve been hurting so much. Or how they might react to me if i start crying to them. Have you ever thought about using one or actually used one? And what was it like? And did it help?,0.8585526315789487,2.979453802631582,2.5544736842105285,93.66881578947368,83.34210526315789,5.905263157894738,18.71052631578948,7.1686216300943375,0.1727421052631577,283,7,64,4,8,93,55,76,0.21600000000000005,0.708,0.076,-0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,4,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,4,2,22,14,12,1,2,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,10,1,5,7,2,4,0,2,0,0,10,0,0,8,5,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.17627171002268607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984168220786534,0.0,0.0,0.155578901716653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267857032040452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210744639153876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933713170751476,0.0,0.1951145910040293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824813897149605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832460456968881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327860077474136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36720470070916267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956078905525254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364657797788194,0.18084510225489314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278529371183136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975831377242276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788116668242022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574230560568467,0.0,0.14340239145552688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452758423345889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31201775804868065,0.0,0.0,0.10654199844462042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299314859551162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathlyhapa,2018/02/25,"i have a diary i've kept since i was a child. I need someone to send it to before i kill myself. i have a diary i've kept since i was a child. I need someone to send it to before i kill myself. 

i don't want to destroy it, and i don't want it read by family. i want to send it to someone who can appreciate it and its contents. i never want it connected to me after death. where should i send it? ",-0.05266666666666709,1.2340505666666672,3.2197222222222237,92.01625,82.22222222222223,5.833333333333334,19.027777777777786,6.6274283507984215,-0.028888888888889408,301,7,74,3,8,110,37,90,0.217,0.7170000000000001,0.066,-0.8919,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,12,16,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,4,0,16,0,10,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,52,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32607394066053624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062285453636096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239526780934125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841370423195246,0.1477732625666033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916512411642528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31698599340907263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487024628338945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520411414517277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicidalTeryaki,2018/02/25,"What is the point? I am slowly convincing myself of doing it.

I am doing therapy. I am trying my best to be social. I am trying to be productive. I am honestly trying to catch a hold of my life.

And still, there is no point. It just feels like a pointless string of meaningless events, that consist my life.

Today is the hardest i've tried to enjoy life. And yet it is the worst I've felt in a long time. I don't know what to do. I don't really feel like there is hope.
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suicidewatch,Girlceon,2018/02/25,"My wrists are itching My old scars are screaming at me to reopen them again, I cannot look at them without getting the urge to unzip my veins and be gone forever. I don't even know why I'm crying. I genuinely don't want to be alive anymore.",4.617058823529412,4.364095019607845,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705886,69.39215686274511,8.368627450980393,30.72549019607843,7.793537801064563,1.877596078431372,190,7,41,2,3,63,38,51,0.14,0.8079999999999999,0.053,-0.5142,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,3,0,0,4,13,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,6,10,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722164967405857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122712946883988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478952591562228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960891608940832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626600568083314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151741955389272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938351072835394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213734056280836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33866783921260857,0.0,0.0,0.3617949974769616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryddyt,2018/02/25,"I can't do anything, nobody wants anything to do with me, and I'm completely and utterly without a single shred of hope at this point. I'm disabled. My family members stop all over me because of it. My friends have scattered to the wind. Employers tell me I can't do the job. Trained professionals belittle me. Even the things I used to enjoy doing, I can't even do anymore. I'm a fucking vegetable with nothing or nobody to turn to and no end in sight. Honestly, with literally no way out, seems like there is literally no reason to keep living. I can't even call a hotline because they report you to the police which ruins your life even more. I'm totally and completely fucked. Fuck this shit.",2.917828054298642,5.236277705882356,4.454705882352943,81.75771493212672,77.08823529411767,7.419909502262444,28.84389140271493,8.384062270229773,2.370933936651584,552,25,102,11,13,184,84,136,0.182,0.718,0.1,-0.9049,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,0,5,10,4,0,7,0,11,6,1,2,2,19,24,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,1,2,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,0,1,14,5,17,24,4,8,0,1,1,3,6,5,4,3,3,71,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242315440935247,0.0,0.0,0.2529541415064093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873808781438491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693876339310786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32229048073412336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612726986507095,0.0,0.0,0.4060537638131546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448890297454372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187436072114524,0.4262628938193169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526528261864695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251758484911265,0.13661029369040908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855862118873352,0.07508712758725218,0.0,0.13571462245162055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747354319974876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529051326593606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802303511042468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399172500479647,0.0,0.0,0.1577646877598987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128495070361561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433533493704836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210746777662592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717494338113004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327422735546696,0.0,0.0,0.09065270637827268,0.12199514751039885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481555364898184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawy2348,2018/02/25,"im worthless and ugly ive been thinking about suicide since i was fucking 12 or 13, but it feels closer than ever now.

theres nothing good about my existence. everythings so fucking hard and i just want to die. if i motivate myself and try as hard as possible im still going to be a worthless nobody, or someone people only keep around because im nice.

i think im going to try ligature strangulation; im just afraid of waking up with brain damage, and how my bodys gonna look. ive thought of going out at night and waiting for a big truck to leap in front of but thats worse. if i can make it until i get another job maybe i can find a dealer and overdose on heroin. or just start using again, because that made life feel worth it at least.",2.8479653679653687,4.191310441558444,4.509805194805197,85.58708874458877,74.45454545454545,6.951515151515152,25.82034632034632,7.492282038375204,1.3078761904761915,584,20,119,7,12,197,102,154,0.221,0.7140000000000001,0.065,-0.9797,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,13,8,2,1,3,0,7,6,3,5,1,34,27,18,2,3,10,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,7,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,4,5,12,2,22,21,1,20,0,3,1,2,0,9,2,5,7,71,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573743098587348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067464607205272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619360505241075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319439858558968,0.0,0.13386064408275122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444897575301947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846661664470528,0.0,0.0,0.10776852538190017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126149089453205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959673636622076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217120898881308,0.06264869397118011,0.0,0.20444502914453416,0.1005758914310188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483390549986855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6476237894351227,0.0,0.11899344150720448,0.10658265410912253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469688235165812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069527369030078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346295125013005,0.0800417096661834,0.0,0.12046699663688375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125286120578364,0.0,0.11505810594863737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119793086916564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313138242043071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518194974637818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919184887901482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160043732534277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487382025187731,0.0,0.09576130207461922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116347652216692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366861118605651,0.0,0.09519616107702504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282377412393298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356484453505828,0.0,0.0,0.07072677897807357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219983731403194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uniquelow,2018/02/25,"turning 23. might do it soon i am too broken

i dont see anything in my future. everyone ignores me and i am a NEET incel.

i just want the relief death will give me, i want to just stop existing like im supposed to

im tired of people looking right through me and im tired of hurting",-1.2726523297491,0.7682556774193579,1.7515053763440849,94.77503584229393,97.06451612903228,4.0458781362007175,21.405017921146953,5.82211442006289,0.19940286738351265,220,9,49,2,9,77,43,62,0.287,0.594,0.119,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,12,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,6,10,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,4,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550820893763906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214742813389564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057125573014385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127957484243515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022988954410815,0.0,0.6123679588304328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232238425374588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586892478306097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046988586345785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100968957083844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613814232548455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505865608920345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798941365611874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343920201496089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554773975734286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229216714188912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AceSlang,2018/02/25,"Trying so hard not to slit my wrists Trying so hard to keep my clean streak but it doesn’t get better, it only gets worse.  I feel so empty and just want to give in and let it all out.",1.6011382113821142,2.2552240731707367,2.979024390243904,98.04626016260164,76.5609756097561,5.466666666666668,13.666666666666664,3.1291,-1.461152845528456,141,0,36,0,3,46,31,41,0.195,0.6579999999999999,0.147,-0.3253,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,10,8,6,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,5,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633533612973713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654918841802558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028534513042077,0.2780359596350017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192701205210105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576184960931462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296375729973157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043243334198664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935576212530019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095208020611816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953664325100866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway20532024,2018/02/25,"Adrenaline like crazy I thought the last moments of my life was going to be filled with fright and regret, but right now I feel a rush of adrenaline and my whole body is shaking. My head is spinning so fast I feel like I'm going to vomit. 

I'm in tears and I feel excited to finally be able to rid myself of everything. 

I hate myself for posting here because if anything it might just give me second thoughts which is cruel because I've already set my mind on dying tonight.
",4.046977443609023,5.3528051263157925,4.8565413533834585,84.41578947368423,71.42105263157895,7.533834586466164,30.413533834586467,7.957251820313856,2.084248120300752,377,16,73,5,7,122,67,95,0.193,0.73,0.078,-0.899,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,2,2,0,7,4,2,0,0,15,18,6,1,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,5,0,5,0,1,3,3,12,3,11,12,1,16,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,8,45,14,0,0.19830724961662896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883698117409667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631899695617625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24177251748990444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027464915477687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581161642508825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822576903015508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30081031161697885,0.14167073874978178,0.0,0.2172358987732344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902343837846492,0.22540515989898205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578735331972372,0.2035204497495608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616468761535803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400702750463364,0.1937658105531888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037265360844534,0.20023379107054065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992352794584333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935330764019785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148676101217365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140296223680467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Titsandchips,2018/02/25,Best friend is considering suicide. What can I do? UK Title. Any advice is appreciated.,2.1110000000000007,3.356569266666668,5.539166666666668,62.02875,123.0,6.833333333333335,23.75,7.1686216300943375,2.7460000000000004,69,3,10,2,4,25,14,15,0.179,0.397,0.425,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705830689978702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274830270627385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053763275183127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720585528242445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267576701034389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Po1ntless,2018/02/25,"I’m so alone it actually hurts. I’m here lonely. It’s almost 1 AM, I’m sitting here cutting myself cause I’m that lonely. I can’t seem to find a single friend. I’d rather be dead than lonely for years on end. ",-2.48420803782506,-1.0746296808510625,1.0083687943262412,97.13444444444448,111.76595744680851,2.939952718676123,11.605200945626473,5.033348758259628,-1.4060997635933807,163,3,38,1,9,58,35,47,0.3670000000000001,0.57,0.063,-0.9259,0,7,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,7,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3310519806628974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397026034467502,0.3513531713294181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484957456162941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30046837758007744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100617210599953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26209810159416064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363166372601037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088338520198681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184612038820577
suicidewatch,alwaysnear,2018/02/25,"What is the point? - THE Question for all of you I'm not suicidal in any way, but it's a question that keeps popping in my head from time to time.

I have a history of suicide in my family, i have a reason to ask this here. You know that feeling how it's sometimes hard to figure out a reason to keep going on from day to day?

That's the question here. Life in general seems to be a huge struggle from day to day, and i'd like to ask what is the thing that keeps YOU going? What is that one specific thing that got you over your depression and still kept you kicking, despite that final choice your friend or relative made?
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suicidewatch,SK6aidan,2018/02/25,"My Grandma is the only reason I haven't killed myself yet I tried to end it all a few times recently by stabbing myself but right as I'm about to push the blade in, I think of her getting the news that I killed myself. She's very old and I don't want her to pass away without me in her life. I think after she passes, I'll do it.",1.0307207207207227,2.141333513513516,3.092972972972973,94.8545045045045,78.72972972972974,5.473873873873874,19.09009009009009,5.46131890053228,-0.4147585585585589,256,5,62,1,6,87,52,74,0.02,0.8740000000000001,0.106,0.7812,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,9,9,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,16,0,12,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335934886069228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020994977832897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989747803930127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.550138436751299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756127816540427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608924785348147,0.0,0.0,0.1890922295643829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25563022500912336,0.24548941783227074,0.0,0.0,0.2123263156809648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31862060933071185,0.0,0.0,0.14497655069670454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880158454116714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514352216932966,0.14664679559515115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396677997152404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,placesandpeople,2018/02/25,"I'm going to kill myself today. What's the least painful way to do it? I was thinking about jumping out of a building, but does that work reliably?

Please don't say ""don't kill yourself."" You won't convince me.",0.9432558139534885,3.3210335581395363,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,85.51162790697674,4.370232558139535,24.879069767441862,5.6839178017228535,0.5387339534883724,165,7,34,1,5,53,36,43,0.25,0.652,0.098,-0.8488,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25891684821667826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681491011836934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6546701518845024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148253455914763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32477517935130795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23528680641462135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958082981426702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28044910049576866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348469431167865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539606634446876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ann-123456,2018/02/25,"I have a story to share which I hope can help people I am a fifteen year old girl, and this weekend a boy in the year below me at school hung himself. A lot of my friends were particularly close to him, and on Friday in school the effect he had on everyone, even those, like me who didn’t know him, was evident. 

His girlfriend was in hysterics, she could not believe what was happening, teachers were collapsing. It was a horrible atmosphere, however I can only imagine it barely compares to the thoughts that had been running through his head. 

My friends were crying all day, and his friends could barely walk. He was a popular, good looking boy with his whole life ahead of him. In the day of his suicide, he tried to seek help from school, counselling. 

I have not stopped thinking about him, and I can only imagine the devastating effect this has had on his family and local community, renowned for being close, particularly his 9 year old sister who found him. 

I want anyone who is esperiencing suicidal thoughts to please open up. I would never want any school community, family or friends to experience what mine has.
I understand how difficult it may be, having anxiety disorder myself. 

People are here to listen. People do care.

Suicide is not the answer.

Everyone has a place on this earth. 

Please stay strong, because I know u can do it, u can fight through these emotions, and I only wish this young boy had known this. 

Please stay strong, contact lifeline or a suicide hotline if u r on the verge, but stay strong. ",7.023585732165209,7.5821619468085135,6.9474968710888625,74.7979411764706,64.28368794326241,10.039549436795996,35.3825615352524,9.916854025145753,3.501496203587818,1207,53,214,24,17,384,154,282,0.096,0.759,0.145,0.7983,1,0,0,0,1,3,39.0,0,0,0,6,4,15,1,0,15,0,37,2,1,3,2,43,52,11,4,8,7,1,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,4,18,10,0,1,13,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,17,2,31,13,29,29,3,35,0,0,1,0,36,18,0,6,13,150,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060615768586179515,0.0,0.06818905699025506,0.0,0.0,0.062326202243724975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433668622139238,0.0,0.0,0.10042613251745776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088044041135687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423362306100645,0.0,0.09791208521505332,0.1149711319312188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215796934946177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026638635170018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887371265384105,0.0,0.0,0.17034718761413506,0.0,0.0871924455514577,0.16805961897896546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773339725452823,0.2754660641900402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476333389774326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882297208709238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147960183804026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194924210967464,0.0,0.0,0.088532499147915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797400394055966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295963381739376,0.04354751382733985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485207699099526,0.0,0.0,0.07578052968600282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874744136330356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706719134627486,0.0,0.0,0.20337661220823855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538774688989168,0.0,0.09312850478141574,0.2935348062712269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360842943957067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850224390423169,0.0,0.074521972448778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900027591459645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057114968230658675,0.0,0.14152859646819796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051772456656525,0.0,0.0,0.09279407468191177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514984688704022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951754163332796,0.10250239329098408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331989929469335,0.0,0.0,0.17220264372075794
suicidewatch,1938382938,2018/02/26,"I feel no affection for anyone. I dont want friends but i am always lonely. I feel like i am in the wrong world. I also never loved any part of my family and it was always a pain for me to be around them. I guess people seem to normally like me but i am always intentionally loosing contact to my peers to find new ones and I would never call any of those people my real friends.

I once had a woman who I loved and still do. Turned out she does not like me back after 2 brakups and then some. I had other relationships but they never had anything to do with love.

I long for social contact but i can't find anyone who i would like to have it with (but my ex i guess).

I still stress the fuck out to be one hunderet percent likable in every situation while every little setback hurts.

I get professional help for my disorders but i never fully open up to any of my therapists. Either they know whats going on or i am really hard to read or some shit.

This maybe the wrong world for me. Sucks that there is really only one way out of it.

Fuck i mean i cant kill myself. People will talk about me and find out things about me that i never wanted them to know. They could search all my things and whatnot.

I would be dead so I should not care but i just do. I just dont think an excuse like that holds water for too long.

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suicidewatch,FederalDeposit,2018/02/26,"Seeking support I feel so alone, and I'd love to confide in someone regarding borderline personality disorder and abuse. ",12.119999999999996,12.119087,12.270000000000005,42.71500000000003,54.0,16.0,60.0,14.554592549557764,9.565,100,8,12,4,1,34,18,20,0.316,0.447,0.237,-0.3167,0,1,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.4289865954165702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749890767351728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149566736037676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830704203749087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32677686587925364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161402902752998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067756240536835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108658987734408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlternativeMeanings,2018/02/26,"Just wrote each of my friends a goodbye note I’m going to go mail them. 
Then, I’m going to kill my self 
It feels strange to be this close to the end.
I just want it all to be over. 

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suicidewatch,Udrenn,2018/02/26,"I lost all desire to continue Hello all.

I've been thinking for some time the past 2 years about posting here. I think I sank to an all time low now, so maybe now is the time.

The last 2 years in a nutshell : I dumped my girlfriend because I was in love with another girl. As we were building a house together so she fucked me over big time. She kept the house, including the 40.000€ I invested in it, which was all I had.

I moved cities to get away from it shortly after. I fucked up the relationship with the girl I fell in love with and ended up alone. I really couldn't cope with being alone and knew noone in the new city I moved in so I started out going out alone to meet new people. I quickly got addicted to cocaine. I spent everything that was left on the cocaine and fucked up my entire life. I lost nearly all my friends. I lost all interest in anything really, nothing can make me happy or fascinated anymore. Sometimes things seem so dark that it completely engulves me. I can't forgive myself for all the shit I've done and the people I've hurt. The only reason I'm still alive is because I don't want to ruin my parents lifes.

Two months ago something amazing happened. After dating hundreds of girls I finaly found a girl worthwile. We chatted for days on tinder and I really started to look forward to dating her.

Our first date was amazing, all other dates were. She gave me all the signs that there was a future for us. For the first time in years I felt really happy. Because everything seemed to be running smooth I decided it was safe to fall in love. Again I had the feeling that I really looked forward to the future. I was going to get my shit together and boldly go to the life I so missed.

Yesterday she dumped me. Without any warning. She was not in love and never would be she told me. It was like the ground fell from under my feet. On the trainride home I couldn't figure out what just happened. When I got home i had a breakdown. I have never felt a pain this hard. The future which i so longed for is gone and with it every last desire to change myself to get a better future...

tl;dr : Fucked up me entire life, have a chance to escape this fucking hellhole of a life, it gets taken from me.",2.32658533975388,4.450419334831462,3.577199036918138,88.2871254681648,78.12359550561797,6.1257356875334406,22.954788657035852,7.1686216300943375,0.8701867308721241,1744,55,346,21,42,567,209,445,0.104,0.728,0.16899999999999998,0.9863,1,3,3,0,0,0,47.0,4,0,0,6,16,32,9,0,30,0,30,19,3,2,11,57,76,17,0,6,4,1,5,1,2,1,7,0,2,4,18,18,0,2,13,1,2,12,8,17,0,3,31,7,59,15,61,39,10,85,0,7,2,9,29,31,7,4,46,238,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808015485230309,0.0,0.0,0.06348988507393523,0.0,0.0,0.22254094474850167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048706416004716466,0.07510345377120853,0.0,0.0,0.07103123692261397,0.0,0.0,0.05894001349573076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729260822314821,0.0,0.0,0.13098300847184005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334513922628998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576813484212917,0.0,0.07509584611222295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046191213202333735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329567744616411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343713587927928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034586298037364,0.0,0.12874111393162124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036214978722797726,0.0,0.1375395274554464,0.0,0.0,0.12184577481500125,0.0,0.07853143852272475,0.05533611562866958,0.3310737217007008,0.14968122871922632,0.0,0.1221158065241127,0.0,0.11456766455423922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266727968232812,0.15248903233318056,0.06416056127315935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368836143887487,0.0,0.0,0.16528773718188822,0.07667440650834234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676537580857728,0.0,0.0,0.07781911025173181,0.0,0.2529488768136952,0.034991609838783085,0.0,0.0,0.06338451752194989,0.12029135275442908,0.0,0.2345564364292679,0.0,0.2585719139265531,0.0,0.047809222715533915,0.0,0.0719554029530873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716917081507395,0.15224882836809348,0.0,0.0,0.11048087177316976,0.13834878822116192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872465162809903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447287678266438,0.07621242242846618,0.0,0.07952938790970683,0.0,0.06837270694459525,0.09930939239964147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685954861707856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941914608922584,0.07364085653295202,0.0,0.07689680296763357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040663508414815,0.0,0.0,0.1470409263962586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055139246787176466,0.07083744371918688,0.0,0.10139092210956466,0.0,0.057198596050844375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758345123688545,0.09178685571836157,0.0,0.0,0.2088211081087386,0.0,0.0,0.06843929540686608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996572336863882,0.0,0.08615421623071695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224537859345171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904246966010533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050879258456309716,0.0,0.0,0.13836950017800395
suicidewatch,87waysout,2018/02/26,"Break Up with BF or Offing Myself... I made a post to the relationships reddit today, followed all the rules but they removed it, probably because I mentioned how I think about killing myself. I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 years now. I care about him, but love? I love him, but I love all my friends. I realized a few years ago I would have been happiest in a poly relationship - but I'm in a mono relationship with my boyfriend. He would never be okay with poly, so I've hidden it. I've hidden how I crave the ability to love freely whomever I want but openly and honestly, with 100% responsibility and communication all the way, how much I'd love to tell my boyfriend about a new guy I'm attracted to, and vice versa how I'd love to see him experience puppy love of another woman, but all of it shared. I feel like a mono relationship is a trap, a prison...it's not a bad one of course, but still a prison all the same. 

But I can't find the bravery to tell my boyfriend the truth. I can't find the cruelty I'd need to just leave him. But I can find the bridge, and I keep going down there to just look and think. I always leave thinking OK I can be brave and tell my boyfriend the truth and break up. 

But when I go to do it...I realize I should have jumped off the bridge. I'm a piece of shit, a liar, I should bury these feelings because they are something to be ashamed of, not celebrated. I would do ANYTHING to go back in time and stay single until it dawned on my poly is what I want, but now I'm 8 years in and committed, so this is what there is to my life. I drown myself in pot and video games, anything to shut my brain off from the truth of what I want. But each day it gets harder to shut off. I just want to shut if off forever. ",2.8272318619989854,3.8545970849315054,4.0361948249619495,90.20301877219688,74.04109589041096,7.4895991882293265,24.203450025367843,7.921354282810032,0.9473784880771184,1356,39,316,19,27,444,161,365,0.104,0.638,0.258,0.9969,1,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,2,0,20,24,3,1,24,2,23,12,2,5,10,73,54,32,2,11,19,0,2,1,2,5,3,0,0,2,10,17,0,1,10,2,0,6,5,5,0,1,3,4,43,19,47,43,11,43,0,0,2,7,28,17,1,2,16,202,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828569460223841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348494424492058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926057125266385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453510237419806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790858909349683,0.07373912482957735,0.10767170011798237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858846508443968,0.0,0.0,0.0900427704285482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695570571365423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638876883031135,0.0,0.0,0.08930917928164331,0.06309207289780766,0.0,0.0,0.2421542363847475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823175445246828,0.0,0.046140810247000084,0.0,0.15057391779052687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744548434765717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849820494475071,0.09770718262922284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702513084523484,0.0,0.0,0.06237931757840175,0.04314612443052361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416214483659071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579525503928048,0.0835655489658766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492150066476643,0.06548426586309697,0.06811377731233421,0.08529493296970883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984435816596698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458111516826132,0.0,0.09521823431793916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37926794959558346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037541920445715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065381867113713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798900690325033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413176964337966,0.07052827102929356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315729445053631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976557163947306,0.0,0.0,0.05149703917990873,0.0,0.08371205377689375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836130373029288,0.07010013544981279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882087871695121,0.0,0.0,0.17061540465201827
suicidewatch,Tmoni12,2018/02/26,"I want to die like seriously Life isn't worth living anymore. I hate all of it. I just want to die and be at peace but the only I'm alive right now is cause of a promise I made with my friend that I wouldn't try to commit suicide again cause it will ""leave them heartbroken"". I want to say screw that and everything but I've never broken a promise in my life so I don't know what to do. I have my note thingy for when I say screw all of it and finally succeed. So tell me if I should ignore the promise and keep trying or keep living my life that is horrible and gonna stay horrible as long as I'm alive. 

If my grammar sucks I don't really care",1.2807446808510647,2.6984693617021307,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,78.78723404255321,6.68581560283688,20.96985815602837,7.492282038375204,0.4862666666666669,504,13,119,7,12,171,81,141,0.251,0.541,0.208,-0.8152,0,0,0,0,0,5,8.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,4,0,4,0,11,5,0,3,4,28,24,15,3,7,6,0,0,1,1,4,3,2,0,0,7,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,2,18,7,14,18,2,10,0,0,0,2,5,3,3,3,7,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545892622185917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589281864352046,0.3202596452368934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32355386783245915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009325109720047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075691960692596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043109003435205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389742459540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710336523214835,0.0,0.0,0.08566656749015339,0.0,0.0,0.16505247851423346,0.0,0.0,0.3303040910430896,0.07615420177339109,0.0,0.27528656572381544,0.13794727818797278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749569657175185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022285684879942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855237494921622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985954931741202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311910831124232,0.0,0.2479211598313285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614539250799887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050542156056825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624439409011135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166209514423812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27582295586468825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,212ABC,2018/02/26,"I feel like I should kill myself sooner rather than later I'm so scared that I'm gonna grow up, become a failure, underperform everyone's expectations of me, and finally kill myself. If I do it now everyone will just talk about how awful it was that I died young and how I could have done such great things if I had grown up. Everything seems to think that I'm going somewhere in life, but I'm not. I'm not as smart as people think and I'm too anxious and passive to get the things I really want in life. 

I don't have a gun right now, but, if I did, I think it only really take on more giant ""fuck you"" from life to make me go through with it. If I wait too long I'll be remembered as an even bigger piece of shit than I am now. I really don't want to hurt the people I care about by killing myself, but if it's gonna happen eventually, then why not sooner rather than later?

",3.514663120567373,3.6720197925531934,5.144468085106382,86.08333333333334,71.81914893617021,8.60709219858156,23.113475177304963,8.59863814320734,1.1117007092198579,683,14,157,11,12,233,105,188,0.183,0.711,0.106,-0.9537,0,0,0,1,0,3,18.0,0,1,0,0,15,11,5,1,5,1,14,5,1,3,0,34,38,19,4,12,14,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,1,20,4,23,28,2,21,0,1,0,1,2,8,2,6,10,103,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141671351182126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802654685682046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665338731018134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070127299217939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391028646597019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716009712576954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885261143240266,0.0,0.0,0.2561444475936488,0.12045828830704848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677700264476725,0.09575166815583418,0.0,0.1468242480729011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390936384375999,0.0700255887671997,0.0,0.15234564499151604,0.0,0.0,0.1477694885906366,0.0,0.0,0.11852304065431217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348280021655432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448558415274348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28400986568767816,0.06548070461044217,0.0,0.0,0.1186130871901188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946663513665856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019365033595353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584023480840134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25759078944229996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183082868303313,0.11446161612030205,0.0,0.0,0.13418826571314735,0.0,0.0,0.12201665471421763,0.0,0.0,0.13758074451789826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077452110211894,0.10772892263392643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808828625737985,0.2576446759997508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810973942491308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094199765681095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wasteoftime111,2018/02/26,"M28, I ruined my life beyond repair Where do I start

I was born a loser, I spent 25 year of my life being fat (about 150lbs when I was 8 years old, about 300lbs when I was 18 and I peaked at maybe 350 but not entirely sure, maybe I was even more since i'm 6'2"" and I currently look like a trashbag filled with shit)

So i'm 28 now, 182lbs and by now you could've guessed that i'm covered in excess skin literally EVERYWHERE (stomach, thighs, chest, ass, arms)

I really don't have the power to lift for 5 years to make my body looks slightly better, also I don't have the money and the effort to undergo a full body lift

I have also many minor cosmetic flaws, I started balding recently, I have a missing teeth from an accident, I can't grow normal facial hair

I have stable income, but it's not too much because I'm a failure, I don't have any qualifications, I'm doing physical job the money is fine but I can't really save up money

Also i'm insanely lonely, I lost most of my friend (not too much to begin with) since they have families now
I was never on a date, I never tried and i'm still a virgin

My mother constantly tells me to start dating but that's not going to happen cause of my terrible body

This is the end of my post, I really don't know why did I type all of this since I genuinely believe that my situation is hopeless, in the past 5 months I think about dying every hour but I don't have any plan yet

Well, i'm probably just seeking for attention I don't know...
Sorry for wasting your time, probably there are people who deserve help more than I do",2.3634480799818256,3.9153932975460144,4.393735514655763,85.06693137923202,76.1472392638037,7.529016132697115,22.503521926834807,8.285830014693849,1.2344600318109522,1229,34,256,22,27,422,182,326,0.142,0.7829999999999999,0.075,-0.9717,4,2,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,2,1,6,22,15,1,0,14,0,30,18,15,2,4,31,54,16,1,1,10,1,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,4,0,4,3,14,8,1,0,8,4,40,7,28,45,7,40,0,6,2,2,8,8,2,2,29,160,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555484529968998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487248524798718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493269784941719,0.0,0.0,0.12000988967881368,0.0,0.09420697005507182,0.0,0.3549541706215823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942385640039956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510867291957608,0.0,0.0850463664417356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054940108143954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434378759212657,0.0,0.0,0.07035447431316158,0.0,0.08974644268174715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041617568825037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229594017263615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053692658443415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734215286860973,0.0,0.0941939707046246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139711504265096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489928038986224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570318969396254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707957988180293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504743540199651,0.05203956579028048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788974498317524,0.0,0.11627754159099235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110193564543141,0.10799305509298604,0.2140243300148522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502206213186014,0.0,0.15660672886103985,0.0,0.16430729028177113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436552831544182,0.0,0.0,0.11177326276150958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168397503561596,0.07384652611275308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201529257863426,0.0,0.2296899494276364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047154641035305,0.0,0.1051741827078959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933972455563942,0.26433964810199795,0.11973127339507547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923875632918884,0.2261830587089699,0.0,0.08506582337919412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039243944405436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310187678031168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825276314587496,0.0,0.0,0.06211180248003075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231907937492066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577293701182436,0.0,0.09611639155858898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578329322535355
suicidewatch,MOMISTILLLOVEYOU,2018/02/26,"I feel suffocated, as if I had a weight on my chest I went through a traumatic moment a few weeks ago, and since then I have felt suffocated, I am 17 years old and I do not know how to tell my mother, she is a bit rigid, I do not know how she can react, I do not have friends, I am always the quiet face of the room, sometimes I think what it would be like to comment on a suicide or ""suffers"" an accident that would kill me quickly, but I think how much my mother and father would suffer, I'm holding on, but I feel more tired to every day, I am 2 weeks without practicing programming, it was an activity that I like, but I do not know, everything I do seems not to please me, I do not have dreams anymore, just nightmares, I do not know if I'm depressed, my classes started and I'm afraid of going bad in matters.

I had a friend, but I have not seen him for 5 years, I do not know where he is, but I hope he is well, since then I was very lonely, I ended up turning into a social disaster, I have my parents with me, you know, sometimes I think a person my age should be dating or partying and having fun, but I've never done it, I feel like crap, I'm sorry for the long text, I need to open myself, I have to find a doctor, I'm afraid to commit some nonsense and make my parents sad.",9.150364963503653,4.19241089781022,9.609138686131386,74.97217518248176,64.10948905109488,12.419854014598537,38.348905109489046,8.841846274778883,3.159272700729926,982,30,224,10,10,337,139,274,0.202,0.691,0.107,-0.9811,2,2,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,0,0,7,19,2,3,14,0,33,6,3,5,2,62,60,22,2,8,21,5,5,3,2,4,2,1,1,1,6,9,1,2,15,1,0,2,11,11,1,0,8,7,44,8,21,46,5,28,0,5,1,0,17,9,1,7,20,157,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021553764225051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589085437471508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142894295230769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622253583244288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258147820331713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432177214687967,0.0,0.09925805404539806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795541284233023,0.0,0.1179329197231341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207050284256736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709663737967274,0.0,0.10357237959575838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480996126795048,0.0823291469648324,0.1106507137619058,0.0,0.10532940616152216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807188389845455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549487459344326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144616412614179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749856881751825,0.0,0.3800050399544105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890475091651128,0.0,0.0,0.10198583978019987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692515331040951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471637598695456,0.08545073097946045,0.08888199301614468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092744446242484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559259494360892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006251615909842,0.0,0.1265014769210064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491229334798756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906593003568716,0.0,0.0,0.11747504745810285,0.0,0.0,0.2279552315936497,0.1290043587126279,0.0815691176780822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605640961785688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007268800743614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215279044597792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324541109514527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253505675277489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950869953142302,0.0,0.0,0.1848808992360652,0.14033411724769948,0.10361669897936407,0.10683079886761576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108949825714792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455945444057529,0.0,0.0,0.14842457040852178
suicidewatch,idfuckmarlonbrando,2018/02/26,"My life has never been my own, I don't see why I should go on with this as it never will     .         I believe I should start this at the very beginning,  before I was born, when my parents decided to have another child. They made that decision- and that's not simply something I'm assuming, it's something I've been told my whole life- because my sister, who's 6 years older, has cerebral palsy and will always need someone to take care of her, most of all when they get old and/or die. From my first breath till my last one, there has been and there'll always be another human being depending on me. I can't fail and I cannot be less than great because of that. I love my sister more than I can love anyone else in this world, isn't an act of generosity and love I chose to take, it's a burden that has been pushed and buried so deep inside my head that I can't fucking run away from it. I don't have a choice here, I feel like I don't have a choice anywhere in my life. 


            When I came out as bissexual last year I realized it wouldn't last long, that I wouldn't be able to take it. My whole family did not react well, I heard all the standart horrible things, the ones I expect and the ones I didn't, like when my father, someone who meant everything to me and was my ideal of a fair, honest and kind man, said he would rather know I was dead than to know I dated woman, that was harsh but I'm used to it and there was a part of me that was ready to that. The thing that hurt me the most was what my sister said to me, and I don't think anything in this world will ever hurt me as much as she did; I often shower and dress my sister as she can't do it herself, once I did it after coming out she looked at me, in my very eyes as I was dressing her, that she refused to be taken care, cleaned and dressed by a dyke, implying not only that I, someone who has taken care of her my whole life, was not good enough or decent enough to assist her but also that I would sexually abuse her or something of the sort. I don't blame my sister, I can't blame my sister, she has the mental age of a 12 year old and much of the things she thinks are a result of not having contact with opinions that go beyond what my parents think. Nevertheless, I can't shake it off, I'll never forget it, it'll never heal, it's a wound that won't stop bleeding my soul out. She has also weighted herself on me, saying that when I leave the house I'll have to take her with me, not as a wish but as an order. 

           I can't take the risky career that I want the most but wouldn't make much money out of it, I can't be with the partner I want for the rest of my life because I would have to ask him to take this whole mess with him and I can't even have a normal family because my children's needs would always be second, as mine always were.

           I don't want to live anymore and the thing that kills me the most is that I don't even have the right to end my own life because doing so would also mean ruining my her [my sister] whole life and my memory would always be the one of a worthless and selfish daughter and sister, whether I killed myself or decided to live a life of my own. I just wish I could detach myself from everything, I'm sorry.

",6.089641510271085,4.205709543191805,6.717835751364301,83.76256843693156,67.03806734992679,9.508656107191976,28.60326545099605,7.686295010490155,1.4913020009760856,2490,54,567,21,33,824,254,683,0.1,0.8140000000000001,0.086,-0.961,3,0,3,0,1,1,61.0,0,0,2,3,22,26,3,1,33,0,80,20,3,6,7,104,130,47,4,23,16,12,2,2,1,16,11,4,2,6,47,30,1,2,13,0,1,8,32,12,1,6,27,9,104,14,72,78,23,59,1,5,3,5,53,20,2,12,32,421,151,2,0.0570886640011356,0.06764073163392514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696135192842582,0.2375117086323331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197248837150034,0.0,0.0,0.056616614507500614,0.039917721247147334,0.05849408269535208,0.04697910620351719,0.0,0.05337019443789883,0.0,0.05363667907296868,0.0,0.0,0.1740035984863515,0.0,0.04857824828618134,0.06431937482865904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529422302367709,0.17461709312749454,0.0,0.0,0.049176829061206975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558065285803832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924902009551755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769025331558431,0.0,0.05056361149180056,0.11797570134998647,0.0,0.07541304831347355,0.05163996497672271,0.0,0.0,0.10261522021183164,0.0,0.10763622331857313,0.0,0.028865743841400112,0.040784152969265706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048559588435608425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052777549954573774,0.02982647069288008,0.0,0.06488960672124708,0.047883262810834666,0.0,0.06294045360194052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858943934512821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587265338656068,0.1222291910980976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632029665598998,0.05944905851687755,0.06274887347495853,0.13960464205022838,0.0,0.060448652224850574,0.0,0.0,0.3225872935709925,0.05578127514230375,0.0,0.10082067245162492,0.05052167116551592,0.04794009961351985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457424445383944,0.054018674224022886,0.03810712652149905,0.0,0.0,0.062186291212573575,0.0,0.0,0.05753194591607118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590021024011042,0.08466104197801416,0.17612118832870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593476965004646,0.0,0.0,0.11980989904449345,0.060797563988773576,0.15473902477362622,0.04341850148658788,0.0,0.0,0.12678041077073934,0.0618214598635353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875340712980917,0.10860878527518543,0.04539919698489471,0.0,0.0,0.045492273914660285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451131192453357,0.13184892794354405,0.0,0.06390608543150901,0.04040765021374483,0.0,0.0,0.04772867936610741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575414233417441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517086866191127,0.1097403322581226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455066493403394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493062760695155,0.0,0.09420825321899556,0.1010171194324539,0.0,0.0,0.0695186129777568,0.05132956500994574,0.0,0.05151363968736677,0.3186872730177073,0.13129829237965218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433248937157073,0.0,0.0,0.11028968367407807
suicidewatch,---Rebel---,2018/02/26,"What's the point of living this life... I can't do it anymore. 
Last year i somehow managed to get to college with my exams' results. I didnt even pass the 1st term. Not sure if the cause were my mental health problems or fact that i'm useless and cant even keep my life together. When i got back home, i had to get a job, cuz my mother won't keep a ""parasite"" at home. I was working 10 hrs of hard physical labour daily for over half of year (tho cuz of my mental health problems i could barely manage to complete simplest things). Everything i wanted was end of it. I somehow got into college, and now im one fucking assignment away from passing this 1 st term. I didnt know how to do it, so i paid some1 who i thought was competent to do it. I ended up only wasting money, i still have to complete it. I have 3 days left, but I cant get myself to do anything, even trivial things. I dont care about any social life. Most of the time i cant focus on anything i;m just living day by day wasting time. Sometimes i got so much afraid of different things that i cant even get out of bed or shift my focus onto different things. Going for useless degree in field which is not interesting for me at all is bad, but i would do anything to not get back to my home and to my mother which . Maybe i should end this right now, but of course i don;t even have money for basic things. I looked up my options few times. Med used for euthanasia is too expensive for me. Shooting myself in the head is out of question. If i cut my veins it's gonna take too long to die, someone may find me. Best bet would be alcohol + sleeping pills but right now i dont even have money for food (not that i care about eating properly, but on the other hand i'll spend carelessly when i get any money). I'm so useless. There's no single thing i'm good at. No thing that can give me the smallest amount of money to get through life. I dont care how i look like, i dont even shave or really care about my hygiene. No woman in the world will even want to be with such a failure as me. I don't know why i kept thinking that maybe meeting the right person will change something. It just wont happen. Nothing will ever change, maybe i'll somehow get the courage to get at least one thing done well in this worthless life.",2.7285123198512298,3.8419428577405874,3.9803835425383554,90.17437354718737,74.39748953974896,6.5663412366341225,24.99325894932589,6.816661863887847,0.8106092980009301,1778,56,389,15,36,583,224,478,0.14800000000000002,0.795,0.057,-0.9906,3,0,2,1,0,0,54.0,0,0,0,3,36,22,2,1,13,0,44,16,4,7,4,59,82,24,1,10,16,2,2,1,0,10,9,0,4,2,29,8,3,3,6,0,9,3,21,11,1,3,14,4,51,11,60,55,10,51,0,4,2,1,9,24,1,13,25,262,80,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531796285208173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312646356170425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606139397242725,0.0,0.0,0.15088797183428918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057423610730174615,0.09399396499731637,0.05103207716936484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414095296967974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492608703817952,0.06278637517868735,0.12931226759699685,0.0,0.12816488314144414,0.0,0.0,0.04879880171153828,0.0,0.0,0.11825071056643413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343220208471012,0.1277133564389616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254628199156549,0.2865255397382732,0.0,0.0,0.06254032027211398,0.0,0.0,0.16240072243101872,0.0,0.0,0.322949862308772,0.055285921839214436,0.0,0.0,0.05493010158607146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055861948938845656,0.0,0.07390572134538699,0.0,0.0,0.056503824178987284,0.2873908871527193,0.058631218612873286,0.03473551663895713,0.051263983745141115,0.1466481047177949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404761062880297,0.0,0.05475090343595915,0.0,0.06272605269384372,0.1299339529004585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392297649604827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601935104366298,0.0,0.0606514917681594,0.10865131534054566,0.0,0.0,0.0671791569959248,0.049820401261306616,0.0,0.0,0.06640631731267628,0.0,0.2158519073687493,0.029859811281816633,0.0,0.10793895424696943,0.05408867268795098,0.10264966683815202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420770831511246,0.0,0.06788978339524472,0.0,0.1231877932762953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044929730852276514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058645633552680126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283206265696713,0.04648399511202874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053367030572057855,0.0,0.0,0.057777510560886924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696586503530908,0.0,0.0,0.06846762342963954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915459984963095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658668962240782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611634571550833,0.06230344726931835,0.05178619939071456,0.047052636642677614,0.0604485678391637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048809965918460665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760423344040569,0.0,0.04595412037830849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32483966999337954,0.03916279077368856,0.0,0.048521911012834984,0.10691749665445427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278746657149578,0.0,0.0,0.07209951403443254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495360658087022,0.0,0.055150677555512916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449559107842427,0.0,0.0,0.08683481912743095,0.0,0.0,0.07871767320814756
suicidewatch,leo_08,2018/02/26,Worried for friend My friend takes anti-depressants/anxiety pills and he told me he is going to stop for a week then take all 7 at once. I'm very worried and confused on what to do. I don't want him to hate me or anything. Last week he did the same but with just 3. Please help.,-0.1882857142857155,1.9148102666666704,1.519523809523811,99.43500000000002,88.0,4.761904761904762,18.57142857142857,6.18269132825596,-0.3338571428571431,216,6,52,2,7,70,48,60,0.159,0.6729999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.544,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,11,11,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,8,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,5,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105152086560493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400173957277696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455018393442699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707564576876654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075629828182927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987273077726218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822618540136872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381241032398363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454429750453925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869375716266304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362350750965833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365704999220395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449140346895396,0.13188363369934944,0.0,0.3587129497776797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541483503445285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swaggerqueen16,2018/02/26,"I'm not even sad anymore. Just numb and done What's the point of living anyways? Everyone's just assholes and if you don't love yourself, then you'll just feel like an outsider forever anyways.

I'm not in the mood for writing out my life story. I just want this numbness and self disgust to end. I just want to end now and forever. We all die anyways, why not today?",0.8858666666666686,3.3057482533333338,2.449333333333332,92.34466666666668,86.46666666666668,4.933333333333334,25.666666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.9680666666666672,289,13,59,3,9,94,53,75,0.237,0.6729999999999999,0.09,-0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,2,0,0,10,7,1,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,20,9,6,1,3,9,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,6,2,6,7,1,8,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,6,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496613692906408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26126944563624377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25762044963725883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459390795841563,0.0,0.0,0.16627384971798995,0.0,0.0,0.2405511848706809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728880375003854,0.17984521971579348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778134963766383,0.12298889340125195,0.0,0.2222936443306866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272078485741978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379784661160897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626228086142916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23862288894440364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29696903849029993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715886376054603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IWantToEvaporate,2018/02/26,"Nothing feels good anymore What's wrong with me. Tired of this place. I am so alone and I want to leave.

I failed months ago. Thought things were getting better and this year was going to be different. It's not. The world isn't wrong, it's me. It has and always will be me. 

I want to leave. I want to leave. I want to leave.",-1.847458193979936,-0.2418415652173884,-0.35188405797101296,107.0389966555184,109.57971014492752,2.7027870680044597,12.554069119286511,4.713530739802397,-1.7055248606465994,248,5,62,1,13,77,43,69,0.295,0.584,0.121,-0.9015,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,16,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,9,2,7,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893653078457402,0.0,0.0,0.16233067038879515,0.0,0.0,0.130416460761596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543946289826596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386197797636219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375519905248373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925015930212034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818878102299448,0.0,0.08907637540826555,0.13146226982799558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6638408966336228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510475096351875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039190361531207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375519905248373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412807693557924,0.0,0.0,0.1244304498427494,0.0,0.1801443576267389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369786547045724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427312473796001,0.0,0.10093249918859762
suicidewatch,TheAmazingMirror,2018/02/26,"Holy shit I'm stupid I've been sending resumes to everyone and everywhere for about a year. 

Last week I forgot to check the status of an application on one site and missed the deadline for the interview, and surprisingly enough my name was on the list. 

Now I am here wondering what is the best way to tie a knot.",3.6859677419354817,5.427365338709676,4.662129032258068,83.72319354838713,73.03225806451613,8.830967741935485,26.916129032258066,9.3871,2.263763870967741,249,9,51,6,5,81,48,62,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.096,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,8,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,2,9,5,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,4,33,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682006102372421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625269392444483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352569277569638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859936015504597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23774838543420115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601475507972712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27849231795069584,0.28143466713008325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38048721258826335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259390761265801
suicidewatch,OneEyeAllLies,2018/02/26,"It gets worse. So much worse. I notice most posts here seem to be college age kids struggling. Not to downplay that. I get it. For me though, 13 years since those days,  I've entered a whole new level of hell. Lost the only girl who's ever wanted me 8 years ago and have been alone since. Not like single. Like alone. No friends, no family. No contact. My job requires no relationships or interactions with the same people more than once. And only for a minute or two. And they treat me like shit. I'm addicted. I'm broken. I'm sick. I have physical imperfections that people stare at in public. I'm weak. I'm tired. I'm confused. 8 long years. Alone. But finally, finally, I found a gun. No pain. ",-0.34195652173912805,1.7194712681159423,1.5265681159420303,93.94959130434783,104.43478260869566,4.5268405797101465,16.389565217391304,6.360717304075467,-0.0744473043478262,537,15,112,8,25,175,93,138,0.385,0.58,0.035,-0.994,1,3,0,1,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,4,12,2,2,5,0,4,6,1,0,1,17,16,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,0,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,3,1,9,5,9,12,6,16,1,1,1,0,9,3,2,5,14,57,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525563547690198,0.0,0.0,0.11811277296023336,0.0,0.0,0.4140018217205198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593136168653674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205268329378056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256105916398447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919245940942041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609517654148424,0.10294398948964996,0.0,0.13922898870847605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222411732645736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528887460994826,0.0,0.0,0.11791675348830445,0.0,0.0,0.1454515738481783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794967659437412,0.0,0.0,0.12868789251595247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516991854106063,0.0,0.141900519127066,0.0,0.20267614346534574,0.1417810181347818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474923530981516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276109269177584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305419862876045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130033992237707,0.0,0.0,0.13677305869335707,0.2204416394362877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929556677273006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091156062459847,0.0,0.0,0.15314438536993108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016003398990436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859076772019415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876217569753952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715740535213663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574143163137493
suicidewatch,Sleepwalker93,2018/02/26,I don't know what to do anymore I have no energy and am in constant physical and mental pain.  I have no energy left. I have no creativity left. I have no friends. literally.  I have a boyfriend but I really feel like I am more of a convenient sex pillow.... and it would be too much work to break up.  I have so much stuff in the house. I don't want to kill myself. But I really want to stop existing. I want to be the kind of person who isn't in pain. My headaches and back aches and brain fog make me lazy. But every fucking doctor just says I need to get better sleep and eat better. I've done that and nothing happens. I'm still in constant pain. I want to stop. I want to start again at 18. I want to finish college. I want to never start drinking. I want to take the chances I was too scared to take. But I'm a loser. I feel like I look like a crazy person all the time. I'm rambling again.,-0.5589485165794059,1.5688463403141384,1.84673429319372,95.9970822425829,90.83246073298427,5.068150087260036,17.38241710296684,6.6274283507984215,-0.16667033158813238,685,18,161,9,24,232,97,191,0.246,0.598,0.156,-0.8967,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,4,8,14,2,1,8,0,17,10,2,1,2,30,41,12,1,10,5,0,2,3,1,1,4,1,1,2,5,7,2,2,3,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,4,24,7,20,36,4,22,0,1,1,2,5,8,1,0,16,102,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549429704485504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179494113859641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815808997290415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874842057789935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299047302253954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887816495684513,0.0,0.10885740279355637,0.0,0.10420589714260928,0.0,0.10884702684034203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962457463067057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757165124459823,0.1519870301496931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821841892715345,0.0983409301428623,0.055575957454282274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406606328801932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274116571512725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768692824661715,0.11077201794511383,0.058460297875284686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115104532408615,0.0,0.0,0.15590670143187518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932726114025405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710053852522798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719984309966966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639407021673624,0.07887487788034685,0.08204208746435837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020685986512884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33956789766743845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576312317531354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629165192030354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459277217446254,0.1064988024724898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645069346688248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058394754312487,0.0,0.08495031121181823,0.17786663940987588,0.0,0.0,0.12177263317495593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995982599636202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202745992459448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019365238384139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744144537983222,0.0,0.0,0.07556494631875216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imabegonesoon,2018/02/26,"I will try again soon I'll start from the beginning of my life. I was born in a not so supportive family, my dad started beating me when i was 7 months old because i was crying lol, my childhood was traumatizing, i almost drowned when i was 3 years old, almost died when i was 7 from suffocation, i was beaten by my dad several times, strangled. I got beaten by a stranger too for no reason, in classroom. Fast forward i dropped mentally out of school, not learning anymore as i know i will die. OD'd on pills some days ago but had no symptoms, paracetamol and some other shit i found. Almost passed out trying to strangle myself and here i am now, with ADHD, major depression, severe anxiety(can't even go to classes because of it). I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE WHY ME WHY FUCKING ME.",7.1304000000000025,6.5718008066666735,7.534500000000001,74.43975000000002,64.26666666666667,10.166666666666668,36.75,9.516144504307137,3.443,611,27,112,10,8,201,98,150,0.289,0.6990000000000001,0.012,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,6,0,3,1,11,7,1,1,0,17,22,8,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,10,0,24,1,17,10,3,28,0,1,0,2,2,6,3,5,20,76,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619002814906819,0.0,0.11941600422967577,0.0,0.4046904156934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336002810355099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424104380799254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797721572139508,0.0868795100939352,0.0,0.11602913734752185,0.0,0.2796241281714589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897745419844717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699655224931514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477071597132592,0.0,0.2490822020226089,0.0,0.0,0.0765611805797202,0.0,0.107743246810583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300237598335962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740353975934528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030523749287195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576022179652894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752758389639314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827197691423217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850862739750244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633795573395882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043773872659606,0.13828218359525468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907027988692505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287207019635546,0.0,0.14001962805069446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855292949457877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182924188847278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311721212092016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675152374940072
suicidewatch,2622018,2018/02/26,"Where have i failed? Im 16. Im obese. I dont have any real friends. My life is just so fucking boring and i dont know what to do. First year in high school. I have high school 1 hour bus ride away from my home. There is around 20 people in the class and guess what, yeah, they are all just smoking and drinking all the time. Nothing for me. I have made some friends in the school and class, but thats just in school, nobody wants to hang out outside the school. This shit was same in elementary. Its just so fucking boring and sad, travel 1 hour to school just to pretend you are not about to fall apart for like 8 hours and then travel another hour just to get home and here you can finally cry. I had this one female friend from the class, we were out couple of times but i bet it was only because her better friend coudnt go. We didnt talk for months now. It just feels like there are no normal people. But now when one month ago i found this pretty and smart girl, i fucked it up before i even talked to her. Im so shy and no balls... 

yeah sorry if i wrote it like retard just had to get it out of me",0.8061872909699019,2.6997328034188044,1.8419286510590889,99.97770903010034,82.07692307692308,4.5823857302118185,15.729468599033813,5.192301501255418,-1.0700328502415457,852,13,205,3,23,267,128,234,0.163,0.6920000000000001,0.145,-0.7084,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,1,3,21,17,4,0,5,2,19,7,1,1,2,42,32,18,0,3,13,0,1,3,4,0,2,0,2,1,12,15,2,0,3,5,1,6,6,8,0,3,9,1,22,9,27,23,4,37,0,2,0,3,15,15,4,4,19,128,34,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706101096403845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059117537437461176,0.09115700977818028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773889532129893,0.0,0.0,0.08167657594660932,0.0,0.0,0.052993654239552816,0.0,0.07397372570553389,0.0,0.0,0.07688532531994885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618990036586124,0.09549200642488513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037700582521793,0.0851614119086817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741853964859785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395602337553512,0.06210507482912276,0.0,0.09523103971887943,0.0,0.07394531095784979,0.0,0.09531773506872893,0.2686574094882921,0.2411049476763658,0.09083798776774278,0.0,0.049406124531902414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957666889379011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836993365334676,0.1744021174924383,0.0,0.3424466488578626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28170822789954525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047776197357122886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061403469692162725,0.12741346875785192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225826848435705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877845561872074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851760500526689,0.08341472230490536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781633321885515,0.06611659400711263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205370299163219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844228808376604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989489808452104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278860619765211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923565090714165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731456776241187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974717997710667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138286237406638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051275436696394665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055982111995154994
suicidewatch,vsuc,2018/02/26,"I just need help I feel like a heaviness in my stomach, like a poison that is sucking me out of reality i feel alone like i don’t fit in, i moved from Mexico to California to be with a girl because i thought that would make me happy, 3 years later i feel lonelier and emptier than ever before i just don’t see any reasons to live anymore. I’m 21 and i want to die ",2.085485232067512,3.089753012658228,4.929810126582279,83.16956751054853,75.83544303797468,8.30464135021097,27.090717299578056,8.841846274778883,1.9943147679324889,284,11,63,6,6,103,54,79,0.16399999999999998,0.62,0.215,0.4939,0,1,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,3,0,5,2,1,2,1,16,15,2,1,3,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,12,4,11,12,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,6,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049673005486785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790892496296802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302872430637005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155141322791867,0.0,0.19759130721612786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409945139021853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100447946215516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522329598498883,0.16588893966339446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24718898596484803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155643656730863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34033426880541523,0.0,0.20504329784357891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500017413709968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467996086198277,0.0,0.1721787687378782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387477758031831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503915205169866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843466563328076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369618802931336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495340172372508,0.0,0.0,0.1495338863135677
suicidewatch,theganjamango,2018/02/26,Im so tired I just want to rest its been 13+ years of depression and anxiety. im so tired of it I just want to close my eyes for good.,-2.604090909090907,-1.034878757575754,0.8578030303030317,103.60670454545456,94.15151515151516,5.724242424242425,14.31060606060606,7.1686216300943375,-0.6086303030303029,103,2,31,2,4,37,23,33,0.304,0.541,0.155,-0.7756,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602019512235067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23195493733740416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258831155241191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5817985887620971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6190607966538153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31769015336066597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342578524002403
suicidewatch,Luosenotok,2018/02/26,"Is it normal to get nervous after a suicide attempt? Last Thursday night, I tried to end my life and ended up getting a 5-hour talk with a therapist and after coming back to school today on Monday even though I did get noticed by some people who I knew in the past after being left alone for 20 minutes I got scared and hid under a table at an isolated place and wished I died last week but I'm not sure if it's me scared of the thought or being stupid",12.224858156028366,5.71094779787234,11.442765957446813,68.83166666666668,60.38297872340426,13.384397163120568,41.97163120567376,7.793537801064563,3.6507418439716304,359,10,72,2,3,118,73,94,0.246,0.754,0.0,-0.9628,0,1,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,3,7,0,4,1,0,0,1,16,13,8,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,7,1,15,7,1,22,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,14,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478002227989636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297627249001525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536810216128326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514178467019942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29893494075573873,0.0,0.0,0.11146155537887938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645036811989212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349693580161754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661903818417402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751168555755987,0.0,0.0,0.18335357350491752,0.0,0.1191971492036278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836580271567086,0.16534476630722866,0.0,0.19212949519681125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109642101975896,0.1169939615100594,0.0,0.17631379991403978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379078122696359,0.1707897887187366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845913574028169,0.0,0.15905026024223887,0.0,0.0,0.13563944794998695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195938387028688,0.0,0.0,0.16580162899458992,0.13397318414151274,0.0,0.0,0.1599606817058446,0.0,0.0,0.11457405018502595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536565197793907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406073901686066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bananahomie,2018/02/26,"Sad Hate myself a lot right now. I’m a very emotional person. My boyfriend doesn’t want to support and reassure me after he betrayed my trust and cheated on me. Don’t really have a lot of good friends in my life, and feel abandoned right now and as if I’d be better off not existing",3.8270338983050856,4.5167808135593255,5.162500000000001,84.32137711864408,71.37288135593221,8.611864406779661,30.00423728813559,8.841846274778883,2.2766237288135587,224,9,47,4,4,75,46,59,0.223,0.509,0.268,0.101,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,9,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,6,7,8,2,8,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,3,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332687224463421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29668742305048657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333618004991677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377546178769093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212240979243032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26040218315652264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629704523272755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484679440042438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302995657905968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896738018614593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504884537896561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29930458406072896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217624432964506,0.1555687715604014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Killmeplssssssss,2018/02/26,"I'm gonna jump I've had it. I admit I'm a little sad to go but I can't make this work. I can't sleep at night, I'm so stressed that my digestive system is all fucked up and I keep shitting all the time. Gross but true. My life's a mess, there's no easy way to fix it and I'm not interested in staying here long enough to try. 

There were things I needed to do before I went but I need to go now before the urge goes away. Not that it will but I feel so terrible right now that I couldn't give a fuck about pain or anything. I'm really skinny so I'm hoping it will make it easier for my bones to break. 

I'm done, fuck this. I'm jumping tonight.",-1.260369634340222,0.5458323986486491,1.4390779014308457,100.25123211446741,89.87837837837839,4.833704292527822,14.786963434022255,6.2272716619740125,-0.8713359300476946,497,9,131,5,17,171,88,148,0.233,0.622,0.145,-0.9484,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,4,1,5,0,10,10,4,2,3,21,34,10,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,2,2,1,2,0,0,5,6,10,0,0,4,1,12,3,12,26,3,21,0,1,0,3,2,6,4,2,6,71,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774043772025324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157260115196026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848580879182759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128904619555968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729494881608073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463294671062697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642235721377732,0.0,0.16056726624992226,0.1902531477410378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624726500178907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877607093483794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822626751074115,0.0,0.1677599008225682,0.0,0.14812706462635655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345645592292607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482220272430675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707588546795814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781053617467894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722866090292164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429426011070188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181436144461715,0.0,0.0,0.16750204655697995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840605205612134,0.0,0.0,0.19173455999448608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120060910884706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760130386875256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364082444474848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285937852417748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551640176916098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185548226125957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,445saltedpeanuts,2018/02/26,"People don't take this shit seriously. Layed it out clearly: This is my problem, and this is what I need, and this is how you aren't helping.

 Speaking up is incredibly difficult but after finally realising that it is important, it's not taken as urgent. And when I'm gone many will hear ""we never expected this!"" like they needed more information. Either that or nobody values anything I say like I don't mean the words coming out of my mouth that have been stuck in my head for so long and I finally organised them into clear expressions, which is awful to think about so let's not.",3.560176991150442,5.724665592920357,5.107265486725666,78.57257964601773,74.48672566371681,8.413805309734514,25.45929203539823,9.120678840339163,2.2747139823008853,464,16,85,11,10,156,82,113,0.188,0.723,0.08900000000000001,-0.8472,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,2,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,13,3,3,1,3,26,24,11,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,13,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,3,11,2,11,18,2,13,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,1,8,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802526959777669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868507160437875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798990590191744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480002816644787,0.0,0.24687597075311624,0.0,0.14681906724836427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398502903084028,0.0,0.2140254688099,0.0,0.0,0.19384505514931796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220739536686007,0.0,0.23860067910542115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248333630425998,0.16893850043426184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185596892716993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959337169506806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419079061023765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248432077803462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469213527319526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403531083323843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,torx0244,2018/02/26,"I got help I finally went to a psychologist today. I had to take a school day off, but it was fine. It was hard. I've had suicidal thoughtts, but no intent to act on them in fear of what will happen to those around me. 

I just broke down crying, feeling so lonely. I feel so, so lonely. I was stood up in the weekend after she got sick. It sucked the life right out of me. 

It felt good to finally get help after 3 years of these thoughts. It felt releasing, but I still am so depressed right now. Apparently I don't have depression, but I have symptoms that might lead to one, so I guess it's good I'm nipping the bud. 

Idk why I wrote this, it's not really a cry for help. Sorry for the ramble. ",0.2949657534246555,2.3819648493150716,2.4358732876712352,93.85120719178086,85.43835616438356,5.8417808219178085,18.71404109589041,7.1686216300943375,0.19980958904109605,532,14,123,8,16,179,92,146,0.264,0.578,0.157,-0.9694,1,4,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,1,1,7,0,11,3,0,2,0,18,27,9,1,0,6,0,5,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,7,0,1,13,5,15,3,21,12,0,23,0,5,0,0,7,10,1,2,10,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129780200423047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202775387984029,0.09401972975787463,0.0,0.2511300564576929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640494674298265,0.1474272822317901,0.0,0.2799543096160443,0.31940226371060193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616702235316733,0.0,0.0,0.24455629272463936,0.23319631838195984,0.0,0.16059940816109047,0.0,0.1289178319784567,0.0,0.13059537114974984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293151288090771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029727664281396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465561208988973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878817779179584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339406619223238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490004190496245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754293319550732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319517946610773,0.0,0.0,0.11642466543741957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946591724288478,0.0,0.0,0.1515271849011427,0.10961271924371388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115737578376734,0.0,0.0,0.13818781762005933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514482431206115,0.13154893805445408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388122481565273
suicidewatch,zomBitch89,2018/02/26,"Hey guys, I need your help We have a friend (my fiancé and I) who we haven't spoken to in a while, don't know where he lives now. We saw him post on Facebook about wanting to kill himself today, I want to help him but I have no idea how to find him. Any help? I've contacted him through messenger, texted and called him. My fiancé notified local police. Is there any way to pinpoint him?",1.8879107142857168,3.5862521125000018,3.02714285714286,93.71500000000002,77.875,6.071428571428572,21.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,0.3198571428571433,299,8,67,3,7,96,55,80,0.069,0.797,0.133,0.4956,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,10,5,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,17,1,9,9,0,9,0,0,1,0,21,4,0,0,3,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268425198089442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453867107144489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964196923953164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185665431293098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237947912908376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832307449068214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27128442351287485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26587102074189595,0.0,0.13206988491029806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220101445452696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818923992132485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015367775580256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778887474958875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834859782832212,0.1907494829414174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emeraldfib,2018/02/26,"My boyfriend took his own life a month ago. I don’t want to be here without him anymore. I probably won’t. I don’t want to make this any harder on his family or mine. I don’t want them to feel the way I feel. 

This is just too hard. Nothing in my life is right anymore. I don’t care about anything or anyone but our dog, because he is all I really have left of him. 

It gets harder every single night. I just want to hold him or touch him. I play videos on repeat to hear his voice. I want to see him again or see nothing at all. I cry myself to sleep every single night and pretend I’m fine to the outside world. I don’t want anyone to worry about me I just want to be left alone. 

He was a part of me. A part of me is dead and I wish the rest was too. ",-0.4243592436974773,1.2597368511904783,1.8903081232493013,99.11155462184877,85.25,4.667226890756303,16.42997198879552,5.5289334501034215,-0.8502301120448181,573,11,145,3,17,194,86,168,0.091,0.767,0.142,0.3466,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,15,3,1,1,2,25,33,7,1,8,9,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,8,31,3,20,27,8,16,0,0,2,0,13,8,0,4,6,97,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883621134076067,0.0,0.0,0.12716205773783346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349395781339318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435276329293279,0.1716999197463966,0.0,0.10103668888010224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484496349556989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518141458489224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348670107307845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689327407741187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574515232958693,0.0,0.12416154394942153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414698114376631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099859040276347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383809019535134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26679957350196803,0.0,0.17344493462695135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195596292930618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800105874754232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304396244598123,0.0,0.2356196014595284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659154722649069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323765718165447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865539728196644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485262973459254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956779980467063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286771005570513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641203162341115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069278142792617,0.09745628745578797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118983724575876,0.11835461366270715,0.0,0.0,0.12468807546524024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LessFly,2018/02/26,i hae myself I want to die. I want to die so bad. Right now. Please just end me. lmfao look at the attention to detail. Fuck my life. I'm the dumbest fuck on the planet. An untrustworthy senaking siwine i hate myself so much i have an exam tomorrow which i todnt think i ll pass snce ive studied fuck all there hant been anyquizzes i hate mself all my mys life ive managed to fuck up every single thing that I do and ill probably even fuck up killing myself. fuck fuc fuck i hate myself to the core and woldnt wish my life on anyone else emy erelateion with parents sucks ai dont talk to my brothers i hae no friends im an all round wierdo theres nothing im ever going to be able to do properly im just an autist able to follow simple logical statnements modus ponens  id ont like myself.,-0.05922529644269048,2.275800442424245,2.0829776021080377,92.90620553359686,93.06060606060606,4.566534914361002,18.083003952569168,6.280692351149826,-0.01606719367588916,623,18,130,7,23,208,100,165,0.316,0.601,0.084,-0.9941,1,0,1,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,12,0,8,0,8,11,0,0,4,15,27,4,3,3,2,2,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,13,0,0,1,2,23,2,15,25,5,13,0,0,2,7,4,6,8,0,5,72,26,2,0.20617715212657664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208192931223319,0.105626428621138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607465500014691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397933273304695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081904338252175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611727726371922,0.0,0.09130588008161047,0.0,0.0,0.06808903223828562,0.09324951898160604,0.08685657150714812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964597814422701,0.6671260919632828,0.0,0.0,0.0585876134539344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053358791060219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340600567104609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405223557078804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844352989467009,0.05036387105941214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656844037183374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578196493010379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891626904699656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446766400781705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316029959910312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111469208182456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880370806916382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285869251381317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684874692447036,0.0660549970070939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160862619006875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854677489641725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plskillmepainfully,2018/02/26,"I'm trying to kill myself by dehydration Well i decided that i won't drink anything anymore. I drank last time yesterday evening (now it's afternoon 15:30) plus because i'm weak i drank this afternoon 1 glass (~200 ml) of cola. But that's all. It's strange because after the cola i regret it and felt that it was a mistake and i'm a piece of shit because i drank it and i started feeling this with food (again... (i felt it a lot with food in the past)).

so yea, i know that probably it won't kill me because i'll faint and hospital will save me but actually it's a good method because noone would think that i tried to kill myself so i can do it anytime and one time my kidneys/other organs will give up or there'll be time when i have noone to call the emergency. so sooner or later it'll kill me. and it's pretty neat because i already started slowly loosing my sense of reality (i can't focus, i'm dizzy etc) and that's exactly what i want!! 

i'm 18",2.75089552238806,3.8139206069651763,4.664855721393035,85.48474626865674,74.27363184079601,7.549054726368159,27.827860696517412,8.021203637495839,1.6927436815920394,746,29,160,11,15,256,108,201,0.161,0.737,0.103,-0.9265,0,0,2,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,7,1,12,9,1,0,2,28,29,16,4,4,4,0,3,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,20,10,6,0,6,1,0,0,3,8,1,1,6,3,22,4,13,16,4,19,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,3,17,97,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.11905904372932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463528352368012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099593558773558,0.0,0.0,0.10039951978084273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44623780586597056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458049815537878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951821446014617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360675548932769,0.08058299154396625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061689271124881824,0.0,0.23428739982238175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29505727362878176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117038080398408,0.0,0.10233180194875156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5399207497858053,0.0,0.06705062391334977,0.09945016095949777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372408172709384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267358105604447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646734597118613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412269967853815,0.1315417635705272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523613011544293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271119034735993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817572214319647,0.0,0.0,0.21342586535789726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566644321145724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719615668912201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096969289971778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666867910013094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hypergon_,2018/02/26,"A primary school friend of mine attempted suicide jumping off a building... ...and from what I hear is now paralysed from the neck down in critical condition. Some friends and I are planning on going to see him in the hospital this weekend, but I have no idea what I should say. Is there any advice or anything I could do for him to try and help his recovery? I dont even know if he has a future if he has to live his life as a quadriplegic, how can we possibly support him through this? He's barely out of his teens, and the last I talked with him was 2 years ago, I dont understand how someone with so much life ahead of them can do something like this.
Thanks to anyone that has advice on such a shitty subject.",5.821249999999999,5.339880847222227,6.261944444444445,82.2275,66.91666666666667,9.7,33.27777777777778,9.188382445141503,2.6686277777777785,558,22,117,9,8,181,97,144,0.081,0.7879999999999999,0.131,0.8086,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,1,3,7,5,0,0,8,0,16,3,1,2,0,20,23,12,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,18,5,22,20,2,16,0,0,1,0,18,7,0,4,8,88,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33597537917651843,0.15238714151176566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690415724643885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020291613253647,0.0,0.14146663152437486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725551513421086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029526256439379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354441133549414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563325711481983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769996521463196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375417270353168,0.0,0.11522711920901653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406457228023588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447680553985288,0.1401289498815066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428491167773449,0.08398615612577646,0.0,0.15179898121056531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263730488593643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380180349403772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670910305406744,0.0,0.17398129746408478,0.13698938253979295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565811505438744,0.13234410793506302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804077282680912,0.19508053333792108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817411051731107,0.0,0.15827090306342412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671506860245405,0.0,0.0,0.1789635494389387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070389443390877
suicidewatch,astrablue,2018/02/26,"finally killing myself for real soon and this time i won't miss i finally acquired all the means necessary to kill myself and probably succeed so i just have a week to go and then as soon as i get the chance i'll kill myself, wishing you guys a good life!",3.235188679245283,4.487132471698119,4.7171226415094365,84.84285377358493,73.33962264150944,8.318867924528304,28.34433962264151,8.841846274778883,2.1671924528301894,203,8,42,4,4,68,38,53,0.225,0.5920000000000001,0.183,-0.7682,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,3,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,7,7,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,6,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422201388525908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545507977840926,0.0,0.11471251030736605,0.169297043279495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985714335702165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.669930936448491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256827906876166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986712301535474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762180686912388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297424882573055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769677094957873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619069598262533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23211046389357665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,haemins,2018/02/26,"parents are making my life more miserable than ever 16 this year. taking my finals this year. i've been lazy since the start of the year and i can't bring myself to go to school. Only when i'm forced to.. I find no joy in doing what i'm doing now.

I used to love art. Drawing has always been my proudest hobby. But now, i just don't feel like drawing anymore.

i have anxiety and have always been sad these few months. i can't guarantee if this is depression as i have yet seen a therapist. I'm scared of going to the therapist honestly. My parents were always there to judge me. There was once i didn't go to school bc i feel emotionally unstable in the morning and i feel very light headed.
My mother immediately said that i was a waste of space and i should just jump out of the window. i feel like i failed my parents in everything i do. they were always disappointed in me.
I cry in the most random periods in school. I don't know why. There was a sudden surge of stress that overflows me.

My parents don't know how i'm feeling right now
i'm just scared
i have always thought about dying, but im scared of dying as well.
i wanted to adopt a cat to ease my anxiety, but my parents hate animals. the only thing i have is my laptop and they are also saying that i'm addicted to it. this is the only thing that makes me feel less stressed.

i don't know where to start. Should i just go to the school counseller? I don't want my friends to know that i have a problem w myself..


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suicidewatch,BroganPaigee,2018/02/26,"Giving into the temptation of ending it more and more each day. I wake up and the first thing on my my mind is 'what's the point'. I have genuinely pondered this every morning for the past 3 months or so (been suicidal for years but it's never been this intense) but it has gotten more severe this last month. I can't focus anymore, i have absolutely zero motivation to do any college work even though i enjoy the course i am on, i don't want to socialise with anybody, and my body dysmorphia makes me literally want to hide away from the world. My therapy hasn't fully started yet despite me attending 4 sessions designed to assess me; they keep sending me the wrong dates or giving me the wrong therapist. I want to travel, see the world, live in a way that is peaceful yet exciting. I want to help others like myself, and learn in abundance. But i can't see this ever happening. I don't believe i will do anything because in my eyes, i am too ugly for life, too depressed to find motivation, and to top it off i can't maintain a job or education due to my body dysmorphia and anxiety. I am a mess, and i don't see that ever changing. 

I don't necessarily expect a response, but i thank whoever has taken the time to read this rant. I needed to get it off of my chest, whether it has helped or not,",5.1331465517241375,5.364144429118777,6.459997605363988,77.8019504310345,68.3103448275862,9.283620689655171,31.63817049808429,9.188382445141503,2.66892509578544,1020,40,200,18,16,347,143,261,0.145,0.722,0.133,-0.0646,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,5,9,8,0,0,14,0,23,6,5,3,3,37,41,18,1,6,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,10,0,1,5,2,0,3,10,4,0,2,4,4,33,4,28,36,4,35,0,1,4,0,6,14,0,4,18,147,49,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532396434427696,0.0,0.09598427608872953,0.0,0.1244326153237824,0.0,0.0,0.10325119404133437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788328059509252,0.0,0.0,0.07648540282300922,0.0,0.0,0.14136182630383884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278737971498413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273071940001044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809178287294465,0.0,0.1080672054131162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112925901471668,0.0,0.0,0.08287181168295653,0.2269897609801749,0.1057139630385333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467738997273345,0.10672479519750784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555294389249518,0.2407246882419279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095278698491053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168199914228172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450970483574708,0.11152358176760438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227487032891516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862323577282588,0.06129834865993972,0.0,0.11079238895674423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375225994687839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668902427628534,0.0,0.20029805895571948,0.0,0.0,0.09303448255427918,0.09677026906461096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977539897202508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860979138944935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550404485840191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29995025326764074,0.0,0.0,0.14174548904151066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880837610872594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724391479186415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155160022346552,0.14348598373657268,0.14568044610635816,0.08335675317027035,0.0,0.12327372723322592,0.0,0.07316261898997893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960220416520986,0.09959231798051617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134372049485426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27436369548277456,0.0,0.08079862482169484
suicidewatch,DingleBerryBoi,2018/02/26,I finally went to a therapist last Saturday Am i doing the right thing? Will i get better? Will i start being normal again? ,0.6062499999999993,3.032380458333337,3.4666666666666686,80.89500000000002,98.58333333333334,7.4,18.5,8.07648339933343,1.85195,97,3,17,3,4,34,20,24,0.0,0.84,0.16,0.5329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175142178494664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393276726937202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875673447245644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926401885337748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517525197355588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30659165865698146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25410836351349897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168370302220383,0.23850957605579776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328048683844468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blu3boi,2018/02/26,"Falsely accused of sexual assault. I have a suicide note and will kill my self before 9 am. 

Someone I once drunkenly made out with accused me of sexual assault. I spent an entire year panicking because I didn't know who knew. Over that year, a lot of friends distanced themselves from me but I moved out of the dorms so I thought that could be a factor. It turns out, they all knew and no one cared to check with me because they really thought I was capable of doing something like that. My life and my career are completely over. This accusation will destroy me, and besides that, I can't live knowing people who I considered my friends think I'm capable of doing something like this. I don't want to live to see how this plays out. I've also been incredibly depressed and suicidal before this whole thing, so this is just some motivation tbh.",4.367621082621081,6.251696512345681,5.0761728395061745,80.86431623931627,71.53086419753086,8.194491927825261,31.59734093067427,8.841846274778883,2.7604828110161446,673,31,123,13,13,217,100,162,0.205,0.637,0.158,-0.7844,0,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,1,5,11,4,0,5,0,15,1,0,3,1,28,29,10,3,2,2,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,13,11,0,0,8,1,2,1,4,5,0,1,9,1,20,6,18,16,4,9,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,2,4,88,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255494020169804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140623918648803,0.0,0.2671835494096048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006757611123046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460700113585408,0.0,0.0,0.12534828904567574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522016361333478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258897181956354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369247767123802,0.0,0.17256145834783793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089070357037467,0.15340033460360536,0.0,0.27726015315326874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347212720755905,0.0,0.14855312431758858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686157997785805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719529331607172,0.10638434723818288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884104856545486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057546348026092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510524405519255,0.0,0.16378075126075106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302194443576762,0.2417259150383177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34345562175216626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430096493077523,0.10059650330665657,0.0,0.24927409335329234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076623567870994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260012959605024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528008884741975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022001628774603
suicidewatch,Back2november,2018/02/26,"Drugs that kill you painlessly and quick? Wondering, codeine takes to long to shut down body, want something quick that is painless.",6.977727272727273,10.106900409090915,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,67.63636363636364,8.036363636363637,33.72727272727273,8.841846274778883,2.9955636363636367,107,5,18,2,2,28,19,22,0.166,0.636,0.198,-0.2732,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120260057124123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301677150285565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103854575771623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282664732063866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28556446882813125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788975265286832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878752071179866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40226400654481104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simbanoir,2018/02/26,"I’ve been holding on for the past 20yrs and I’m ready to let go I’m not looking to be stopped or pitied. I just want someone to tell me it’s ok to make this decision.  All of this is rolling around in my head so I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. 

I can’t remember a moment where I wasn’t seriously depressed and wanted to die. I can remember being 4yrs old praying to God that I would die in my sleep or while doing something to help someone (so that there’d be at least one positive thing said about me once I was I gone). When God wouldn’t take me I tried to at least do something while I was still here, so I tried my hardest in school, I tried being a good friend/person, and I tried to do good around me, but I feel as if I’ve failed in every category now. Ever since my senior year of college (I haven’t finished school btw), my depression has made my life so difficult to the point that I’ve already started making plans to die. 
I see a therapist and I take medicine, but this week has taken everything I had left. 
My gf (a self proclaimed lesbian) was the only person who told me they loved me and it was in her embrace that I finally felt like I felt I was home after being lost for so long. She was my first and we’ve talked about our future together. We were in a serious relationship for almost year (we would’ve been a year next month) up until this week or so. Now she wants an open relationship and has already fucked a guy from tinder and has been making plans with him. She was the only person who made me feel like I had value and she was able to move forward so quickly as if I meant nothing. 
When I’m finished moving her into her new place, I am going to wait a bit (originally it was going to be at least 2months but now I’ll only wait a few weeks) and I’m going to commit suicide. Everyone has walked in and out of my life as if I wouldn’t feel abandoned or worthless over and over again. I know I’m hard to deal with and love. I know things would be easier if I wasn’t here. I just got finished texting a crisis line, but I know I’m beyond help at this point. I feel bad for my mom and my friends, because I fear they’ll think they’ve failed me, when it’s the opposite. I’ve failed my family, my friends, and my gf. I wasn’t good enough for them. I was too much to deal with and now I just want to remove myself all together from the situation. I just hope one day they’ll understand I had no other options and that I tried for so long to fight my demons but that they grew stronger as I became weaker. I hope they can take comfort from the realization that I’m no longer in pain and that I’d do my best to watch over them. There’s just nothing left for me here. I remember my high school chem teacher telling me that if I had any character I’d know when to step down and when to walk away...I think I have enough character now...please just tell me this is ok",3.614278688524593,4.00485609180328,4.691598360655738,88.58805327868855,71.68852459016394,7.936065573770492,25.90573770491803,7.908726449838941,1.189668852459017,2256,65,514,28,40,741,250,610,0.15,0.7140000000000001,0.136,-0.9522,0,0,2,0,1,2,54.0,3,0,7,8,38,32,2,1,18,2,53,9,2,7,4,97,107,54,4,16,22,1,7,2,4,6,3,1,1,4,25,29,0,5,18,0,0,13,11,17,0,3,32,11,90,15,69,61,11,86,2,9,3,4,45,32,1,14,45,338,115,8,0.06452286169050235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461032567497724,0.0,0.14240516467613076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387775853274714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487805309122627,0.0,0.0,0.06062135252095194,0.0,0.05387389438983616,0.039332537606980016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677127625999587,0.0,0.07044225369136421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161190794720722,0.13304047442711714,0.11114689245550853,0.0,0.2008936307658992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333872834883242,0.0,0.0,0.05836462240260494,0.05436329382245405,0.06165435941176683,0.057988987629284415,0.0,0.060826411614170614,0.07260615782515117,0.1304987902631654,0.04609514528397225,0.12390413151757736,0.07068164112938212,0.0,0.05488311319242213,0.0,0.0,0.14955060865861014,0.059650345925327725,0.0,0.0,0.1466793169145746,0.1623561453586654,0.05160482676948452,0.0,0.0,0.06388777734346153,0.0,0.0,0.05779981049306939,0.0,0.06621907094050379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649662821518367,0.0681719459269437,0.06472169114814907,0.12817152072863605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184030946595785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402085560361523,0.06597899763616556,0.09114881075943812,0.063045222092693,0.0,0.0,0.11420140436009435,0.0541829533220556,0.0,0.07043432552396157,0.0,0.11646880363277945,0.12210618365816375,0.17227804482656994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556839578603153,0.05150153261735138,0.13715518151411474,0.0474317274381374,0.0,0.0,0.06231658188808727,0.06862079540375561,0.0,0.0,0.12382285196647992,0.0,0.06770588943058052,0.06871474190198376,0.0874447218925398,0.1472176314813876,0.06865687403869224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159437239756518,0.0,0.16901662219605784,0.06741265747550752,0.07082672628445498,0.12198991985901195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854681289739465,0.21927547294549815,0.0,0.0613760170543215,0.0,0.0,0.1959017422259132,0.05141636696426605,0.0,0.06731141665645021,0.0,0.0,0.05337397795123863,0.0725263999420545,0.06456945932955914,0.0,0.10934002265152466,0.09934570246232048,0.0,0.0,0.04566961360188413,0.0,0.05152804069361342,0.053944001515754916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057753820518839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553948606612965,0.05186103214426429,0.16918747523324554,0.0,0.0,0.07491601552180356,0.08573224452912452,0.08268728890461532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165435941176683,0.0,0.2190339384798695,0.0,0.0,0.0671705745407468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222902221904105,0.0,0.15526904306730188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750556908077638,0.0,0.0,0.12465182239069808
suicidewatch,dudesamebro,2018/02/26,"Planning on attempting suicide I'm so sick of living my life. I've done nothing but fuck up for the past 3 years of my life. I have anxiety so bad that it's ruining my life. I am only 14 years old but I don't go to school because I fear that I will be embarrased by others. I haven't gone to school for about 3 years and now its really catching up with me. I have tried going back to school but its too much for me to handle. I start to sweat and my heart starts beating insanely fast. My face gets all red and it gets really embarrasing because its very noticable. I have been to a hospital for suicidal thoughts before and the place was horrible. I have been locked up in juvenile detention twice for this. It was very traumatic for me. All I wanted was help but instead they locked me up. I have been diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I am pretty sure I get panic attacks as well as Seperation Anxiety and Insomnia that completely ruins me. I cannot sleep at night and I don't have anything that will put me to sleep. I am tired of living this life. My Nurse Practitioner wont give me any medicine that actually works. I've tried Lexapro, Celexa, Zoloft, Lamictal, Gabapentin, Buspar and Wellbutrin. For insomnia I used to take Trazodone and at one point I was put on Remeron as well. None of those really helped. Since I'm only 14 I would assume she is never going to give me something like a benzodiazepine. Eventually I'm going to run out of medicines to try and I'm going to run out of time. I have until march 19th I believe before I go to court and I'm most likely getting sent to foster care. Away from my mom. That is going to make me want to either hurt someone or hurt myself because they are taking me away from the one and only person I actually love in my life. I love nobody else but my mom. She is the most important person in my life and to be taken away from her is cruel. I might as well just fucking end it now instead of taking my chances and walking up in that court room. I was going to call the suicide hotline to see what they could do for me but I talked myself out of it when someone picked up the phone I just hung up because my heart was beating like crazy and I was too scared to speak. For therapy I have it once a week which isn't enough at all. I'm just so sick of it all. It's not going to get better. There's no way it will get better. It's impossible unless I am prescribed something that lessens my anxiety enough to get me to go to school. Until then I am counting away the days locked up in my room wanting to end it all. 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suicidewatch,Gacode,2018/02/26,"It's been tough this month for me I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I have money, friends, family who I love and really love me, I currently just have a girlfriend who I love and I can see future with her (I even gave up dota, a game that I really love so that it doesn't interfere my relationship with her). I'm 26 so I think this will be the time to get married and start a family. 

But then I feel this emptiness every single day. When I'm alone even sometimes when I'm with them. I don't know why. It's been very tough for me. I feel like, what is the purpose of me living in this world?

It's like hey I don't even have problem at the moment. But this month I feel like I want to just stop existing and end it. Kill myself. I think about it every single day and I might be doing it the end of the month. 

Honestly if I don't think about my mom, who will be very sad and stop functioning emotionally, I would have done it already. It's like she is the only one keeping me alive atm. If I die, I think she will get stroke or something because of her high tension and shit. We have been tru a lot, and she always there for me, this might sound stupid and very cliché but she literally is the best mom in the world. I don't know what to do. 

What is wrong with me?",0.9303649635036528,2.5726692919708043,2.637684671532849,95.67264379562044,80.53284671532846,6.135824817518247,18.259270072992702,7.087006719466742,-0.10062668613138692,982,20,239,12,25,324,120,274,0.116,0.765,0.119,0.4029,1,1,1,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,1,1,12,22,4,1,13,0,32,7,1,0,0,43,57,20,2,5,8,2,4,4,2,6,1,1,0,0,24,15,0,4,10,1,2,0,6,11,0,1,5,6,42,11,20,43,4,24,0,1,1,5,24,7,2,6,21,162,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327723766519224,0.1100407205209126,0.0,0.08297293284915963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078685120769979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464734480532342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286190523545831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349100248724853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204560479412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216874513585967,0.17664018187055522,0.0,0.0,0.1975873683142433,0.0,0.16803255796847158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800953395047346,0.0,0.15126046453784087,0.1424763774853358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704147888438148,0.0921872048654,0.10419653684352582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053569941255224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863347934173031,0.1103226189592633,0.0,0.16440636006468584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486769823998476,0.0,0.08805236311618399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847762368815595,0.35999568131135185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156897939981145,0.0,0.2335758184000253,0.23878062723498455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757114620589863,0.07583963815936626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954161627017687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277631441838945,0.0,0.0,0.10705925695727804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794619223282122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235856183071236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676738905132087,0.098623139020763,0.0,0.07058054668301443,0.0,0.0,0.1667365592554198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555797430431217,0.0,0.0,0.058146065397613175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683209661075944,0.0588159542081028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997951703535141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083643785766419,0.2180508243213291,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloobird08,2018/02/26,"Has anyone ever admitted themselves? Did you call an ambulance? What did you do? Should I drive? I am so angry and scared My mom gave me a Xanax last night because she thinks all I’m experiencing is anxiety. It didn’t even help. I was still shaking and upset over how badly my father has treated me. I am having suicidal thoughts and rageful thoughts against my father who abused me long term.. it was spurred by him telling me to kill myself a few days ago. the disgusting asshole doesn’t even believe that I have physical pain issues, which I have freaking medical record of. It’s maddening and making me go insane. He WANTS me to die!!  and I don’t have anyone else to talk to. My boyfriend of 3 years was a lot like him, and I realized I stayed with him for so long just because I thought this emotional abuse and bullshit treatment was somewhat normal but I’m realizing how terrible it is.

Do psych hospitals give you something to make you feel slightly less awful?? Do they sedate you?? Or do they just stand around and look at you? What happens? How do you pay for it? I can’t deal with thes feelings anymore I think I’m going to kill myself and researching ways ",2.4918979441997067,5.030770691629957,3.4335517621145364,87.29206038913362,79.9691629955947,6.426505139500735,26.63895007342144,7.6454224807358475,1.6636580029368575,925,39,177,15,24,295,141,227,0.234,0.74,0.026,-0.9927,0,0,1,0,2,2,25.0,0,7,2,0,12,13,4,3,5,1,26,3,0,5,2,38,46,16,4,3,4,3,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,10,0,1,4,4,11,0,0,11,4,37,2,17,34,6,20,0,0,1,0,26,3,0,3,11,123,48,3,0.0,0.3031936535301442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341770995721033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787946236679217,0.0,0.1268895071680995,0.1789276882902656,0.13109730050142746,0.0,0.11390037243994855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068307909243536,0.15599117714453895,0.0,0.0,0.14415298131765852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064866961774765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251553165442255,0.1319082207530328,0.0,0.0,0.13278927087943493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688369116692104,0.14392367958641825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901619105594898,0.11573580940990695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293881678351014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273886944645206,0.1454309885678526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131435228843221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576049039310908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354391418826508,0.0,0.0,0.2831098314061714,0.0,0.0,0.10429426286628052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250866970399101,0.0,0.0,0.22645896478503874,0.10744364823762532,0.0,0.0,0.10877636135365107,0.0,0.0,0.17081185605913726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288936126668913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985052746120756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007003077220856,0.1253613522496171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614512629944514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809773550110656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850021136570628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637497631484902,0.10217901275612128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995376264049195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283932774628454,0.11183172603582953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396714165770648,0.0,0.30472799177616433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754667312874326,0.10155874417164196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239397409439085
suicidewatch,fluoxeteens,2018/02/26,"What’s the point I’m just going through the motions of my life, but why? Nothing makes me happy right now. At school, rehearsal, or with friends, all I want is to go home, and once I get home all I do is sleep because it’s the only thing that makes me feel ok.

I’m going to university next year, and I desperately don’t want to. But I don’t want to get a job either. I just hate the idea of growing up and being responsible for myself. I love musical theatre, but a career in it is impossible. I’m good at maths, but I’m terrible at getting work done, and besides what would a degree in maths get me? 

If I could just find one thing that made me happy, I could deal with all the other bullshit. But I can’t. In the past, relationships have given me purpose and kept me going, but they’ve all ended because I’m so mentally ill and dependent on them. Plus I’m ugly as fuck. I just can’t help but feel like I’ll never be loved.

I doubt this will get any response, I barely even know how reddit works. I just needed to share this and had no other place. Have a good night.",1.8238526315789483,3.3385662577777784,3.7128654970760238,89.53526315789475,77.53333333333333,6.336842105263159,22.06432748538012,7.0608816371341465,0.5306888888888888,828,23,184,9,19,280,127,225,0.181,0.655,0.16399999999999998,-0.8866,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,9,14,2,1,10,1,18,6,1,5,5,49,49,20,0,8,15,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,12,10,0,1,5,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,5,2,23,10,21,38,5,24,0,0,0,3,8,11,1,4,8,117,35,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217057061249683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731732736032666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295060610231396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457349764203035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365409186743713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070221560280294,0.0,0.0,0.07980904434073767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219357162652082,0.08632310576264067,0.0,0.0,0.11043915555059856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335526137350317,0.111708143848298,0.31565122684882696,0.0,0.27468867077443304,0.2026979431444801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572579102874573,0.0,0.1192975525980452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099180010749793,0.0,0.2424106641035487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640572769641926,0.0,0.0,0.11990808879748367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640664629650794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534790792883963,0.059032891001962386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811296595558213,0.11433508823174453,0.16131390618825045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177122461722052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959612433474867,0.09319384405627756,0.0,0.128507246102869,0.11339356720825405,0.0,0.1159425041431732,0.0,0.0,0.1286831811921852,0.0818795551007744,0.09189892698535496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153487528914954,0.0,0.0,0.12624474714525574,0.0,0.11422622370632955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972940110221468,0.0,0.10319070554504567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222894277265908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092024512351715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055212682732295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381126858700145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090329709753241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593569854877564,0.0,0.0,0.08583628282751968,0.0,0.0,0.07781247809249311
suicidewatch,Scoute,2018/02/26,"I just need someone to talk to, anyone. I just need to. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am really gonna do it this time",-3.2730645161290326,-1.7892919354838703,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,97.38709677419355,4.390322580645162,10.975806451612904,5.985473137389443,-1.4901677419354842,94,1,28,1,4,35,20,31,0.0,0.902,0.098,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28289327757972943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045689140046824,0.2890336007748225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223477935008043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765842412297904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5999851419421155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25918571388147904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428011807000367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251878428457313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591513132751005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingawaymayb2018,2018/02/26,"middle aged late 40s here, feel like I have done and seen enough and am tired of jumping through hoops

consider my life 50/50 bad/good and view myself the same

felt ok until this year when anhedonia swelled

the world as I see it now is:
-petty
-boring, so incredibly boring and conformist (whatever it takes to ""thrive"")
-insane from the get-go: never too early to mold you into a worker!
-no longer possible to be patient with
-sorry to say this, but: earth is crawling with us, and it's only our clothes that keep many from seeing ourselves as the predictable roaches we are
-my empathy is almost completely burnt
-I am scared by how much *more* cynical I am becoming
-crazy bitter old people: I think I can relate now

way before these feelings, I considered those who suicided nobly--not after gunning down a bunch of people, for example--to be among the most intelligent and courageous of our species

I wish there was a ""safe word"" to remove myself quick and clean",6.967257491112237,7.674197061452517,6.709436262061963,75.94276282376842,64.41899441340783,9.637582529202641,32.47384459116303,9.573946990214177,3.0308279329608943,770,29,133,14,11,242,139,179,0.124,0.754,0.122,0.6238,0,0,0,1,0,1,34.0,4,1,0,1,9,9,2,1,8,1,13,2,0,1,1,25,23,14,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,9,11,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,9,17,4,22,17,6,20,0,0,4,0,7,5,0,2,13,94,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383038752298993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494463294099702,0.0,0.19172211688628,0.14771661926160606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201112881619366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764802821966705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937011289262775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554976736104666,0.12401635317471628,0.1666784911884564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069625955431823,0.0,0.0986580791634314,0.14560330911815786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429927502584467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958228009881831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261533223248518,0.08480978290510413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599815483867298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276123510494774,0.0,0.13388722029965106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821588248372603,0.0,0.0,0.13202687374028288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406979286936489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957023590451293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804976779510608,0.17379894964859033,0.0,0.2766655917936069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943254691806416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898848316961505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052188897297864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123271182551404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952199687208133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881349582230632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779168691478386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996257640959568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178953397544324
suicidewatch,WubWubPwny,2018/02/26,"Im done. Every day i deal with my brother, who is a giant asshole. Verbal abuse, mental, i cant take it. My father is about as useful as a rock, because he just buries himself in his laptop, and my mum...i thought she understood, but today i just got yelled at for my lack of motivation to do anything, and the fact i dont help around the house, all i do is just lie in bed. i cant take it.",0.9878991596638684,2.169138176470589,3.4445378151260506,91.99470588235296,79.0,5.798319327731093,21.55462184873949,6.18269132825596,0.1383445378151258,295,8,70,2,7,103,59,85,0.105,0.8320000000000001,0.063,-0.5247,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,2,15,15,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,13,0,11,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,2,48,16,2,0.0,0.28742225395263016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962588025766656,0.2159511018226456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787689389134842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564465470703248,0.2500933491336972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482475530877226,0.28430652419418506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20438739835439976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940165053352225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259887475790838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799092507259289,0.0,0.0,0.2620322396659617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444675149135199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36478580580543946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258451975931773,0.0,0.0,0.22994117266148986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095146025121195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blesste69,2018/02/26,"Why have we decided human life is precious? Who is the judge? We as a human species have generally decided that human life is precious and we want to preserve it. Mother Nature seems to disagree. Malaria, mosquitos, aids, the bubonic plague..etc. We do not have this same regard of importance for other animals like ants or mice and stuff like that. We kill them if they annoy us or get in the way of a goal. We do that to them but not humans. Why should we have the right to assume that our human life is more important than theirs? Who is the true judge of the value of human life? Or life in general? If there was a god why would it allow for disease and “bad” things to happen. Wtf ",2.35808547008547,4.564573355555557,3.6688888888888895,87.25461538461538,78.4074074074074,6.524216524216524,22.236467236467234,7.61054688173877,1.001826210826211,533,16,105,8,13,174,79,135,0.105,0.728,0.168,0.7140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,9,0,4,1,1,8,2,0,9,0,14,5,0,1,1,30,18,10,1,5,8,1,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,6,12,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,13,5,15,15,2,4,0,0,0,0,22,3,0,7,2,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944652021168678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996176197282639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351322716534367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827745571523855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980223996063504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321184287728736,0.17488784065893445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285376814973411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294288061153026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489708914109395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118910891443113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529910898173488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557106509342708,0.14207140827280787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484523302116497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271471030733991,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zuckussisthebest,2018/02/26,I'm a burden on everyone around me I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a lot of insecurities and they always turn into aggression aimed at people who don't deserve it. I just flew off the handle and pissed off all my friends. I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to make everyone around me as miserable as I am. Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here anymore,2.9703030303030324,4.344033844155845,4.89292207792208,82.84033549783553,74.1948051948052,8.25021645021645,24.52164502164502,8.841846274778883,1.6615125541125542,294,9,62,6,6,101,57,77,0.19,0.672,0.138,-0.6423,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,2,2,3,0,7,1,1,1,1,14,14,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,1,11,3,12,10,2,8,0,1,0,0,3,7,1,2,1,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071254959565507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922326003863864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294700014651765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333755921812098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609879278834732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121966977454386,0.1723260586330134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636428917868056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256700534825314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784684235125305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507476432774246,0.0,0.0,0.16101476777581186,0.0,0.2423357218259459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723006406449875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377106566242344,0.2623757204565169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135421827902714,0.2637338188980956,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azura_Skye,2018/02/26,"I want to die. No one knows about this, except maybe my best friend. I think my marriage is falling apart. I've tried telling my husband that I am totally shattered, I'm in a major depressive state. 

I don't tell anyone I'm suicidal. There's no point hurting them before I've done it. I just want to not be in pain. I'm so tired inside--i think I've been tired my whole life. I'm so broken. I don't see any way out except a downward spiral that destroys everything in my life. 

I'm low. I'm really low. I have the plan. I know how I'm going to do it and roughly where. I'm already researching the most foolproof ways to do it so I don't fuck up and live thru the aftermath. 

I want peace. I want to go back to who I was, when I felt safe and loved and desirable. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I don't want to have to live to say goodbye to my doggo. I don't want to live thru my grandparents passing. I don't want to live thru my marriage--the one foundation I had in my life--ending in mutual resentment, broken trust,  and me left homeless for the third (?) time. It's not like I'll ever have the focus to finish writing any of the books I've attempted.

I always had this unshakeable, gut feeling since I was a kid that none of my plans matter because I'm just going to die young anyways. I think somehow I've always known it would lead to this. 

I just want the pain to stop. I want to die. I'm sorry. ",0.6639364035087709,2.535833661184217,2.840289473684212,92.74769298245614,82.45394736842105,6.02701754385965,20.98859649122807,7.1686216300943375,0.4928459649122807,1099,33,250,15,30,373,145,304,0.191,0.642,0.166,-0.9427,1,0,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,1,5,16,16,3,0,10,0,21,10,2,2,2,44,55,10,4,12,7,1,5,1,1,1,6,1,0,1,12,6,0,2,9,1,0,6,11,9,0,3,7,7,36,7,35,46,7,33,0,4,1,2,11,15,1,2,10,147,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022219335569667,0.0,0.15415481811792694,0.0,0.0,0.1259861417965807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477058640571805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122844215178567,0.0,0.056467727909050025,0.0,0.07882317752001912,0.0,0.09721177648568564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978397610430701,0.0,0.2884127892815345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479489941237597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204463242873296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379112607165924,0.0,0.0,0.08325184629304468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367524484020197,0.0,0.08894143641650115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156740612356348,0.08563697407599677,0.0,0.0,0.15793503791020969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916468345354412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181646657903147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006451537894828,0.0,0.1962865819881929,0.04525541274082517,0.0,0.3271837105169045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360417498541016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306149315728666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553994894126067,0.0,0.197134378719302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756736815555807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934255780028815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366484155882216,0.0,0.0,0.07381586839936835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662631113430435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036941613641976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744466503418444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013245894196746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192924735837785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806491579789008,0.0,0.0,0.0540145793805873,0.2129341689135782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289118167007847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463687019395408,0.147054253648085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342054059446693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580325546598209,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GESLSF,2018/02/26,anybody have a reason for me to continue? I can't think of one. I don't have anybody. I don't have anything other than my music. anybody have a reason?,-0.8618750000000013,1.2581340625000053,2.3934999999999995,89.3015,99.0,3.8100000000000014,22.025,5.6839178017228535,0.4760175000000007,118,5,23,1,5,42,20,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424224026811452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819663512859437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8556590857020229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662596261456195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lexatis,2018/02/26,"Looking for a specific website with a story from someone who was suicidal. I only remember vague things as it was about two years ago that I saw this, but it is not in any of the links on the sidebar of this subreddit (or the links in those links).

I believe the background of the page was black or dark grey. And it was a very long story, a couple pages (maybe seven). In this story the author said things similar to ""people always tell you that you will hurt others if you go, but I didn't care about that."" and ""I lived this long, what is one more day?""

Apologies, that is all I can recall at the moment. My friend once linked this to me, but he forgot the link.",3.2312686567164164,4.413606902985073,4.07779104477612,89.69370149253733,73.25373134328359,6.852537313432838,22.35522388059701,7.1686216300943375,0.5890620895522383,511,12,109,5,10,164,87,134,0.08800000000000001,0.87,0.041,-0.75,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,12,0,10,0,0,0,1,18,16,9,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,18,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,8,5,11,2,16,7,4,12,0,1,4,0,9,5,0,3,6,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775848217860091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669470449222926,0.0,0.0,0.1362346174663926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22570885540605876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425480569492266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166678194835676,0.0,0.12919945208695208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477826461339025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385495350209797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446267857432166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768994073787692,0.35458020549319497,0.16823087974105536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126335706993373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335015484740516,0.13575212858234606,0.15236373643385304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888701113909638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269404148816255,0.0,0.1905643880775231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974313020775614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913389016732795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510155288435214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661872422048095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569811003878732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529729230506382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290091222200987
suicidewatch,ValuableTicket,2018/02/26,I'm tired Of everything. I think I'm done. I'm bored of trying.,-3.5440000000000005,-2.510746733333331,0.5199999999999996,100.24000000000002,116.33333333333334,4.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.7183333333333333,49,1,13,1,3,18,9,15,0.35700000000000004,0.643,0.0,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086622113259872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467230673263699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184942593282801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712942674018034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374692914862675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThinkWithSnorkels,2018/02/26,"I dreamt of taking my life i seldom have new dreams, they're mostly recurring or different spins on the same one. but last night i dreamt about killing myself, right nearing the time i woke up.

it was dead silent, unsaturated and felt like suffocating. i felt my body and mind kind of drift away. the only thing i remember feeling is a strange mix of fear and relief. 

i don't remember how i did it, but i knew right before i ""died"" that when i woke up things were going to suck. things sucked more than usual.

everyone i know (quite literally all the people i talk to on a regular basis) completely hated me today and basically told me why i'm such a big piece of shit. and for totally valid reasons.

my birthday is this friday. thinking it would be too melodramatic to end it then, but it's fairly fitting, i feel. is it worth the suffocating and the dissociation and the fear? it isn't, but i can't help but ask.

**TL;DR:** dreamt of killing myself. it sucked, but waking up sucked too. thinking the day is getting pretty close.",2.5980150753768854,5.010926929648242,4.0040678391959785,84.07745854271357,78.69849246231156,6.995075376884422,23.015326633165827,8.07648339933343,1.3619063316582911,805,26,157,15,20,265,124,199,0.248,0.6729999999999999,0.079,-0.9929,1,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,8,2,11,0,13,4,3,2,2,33,34,17,4,1,7,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,11,1,1,2,3,10,0,1,9,4,22,3,18,23,6,25,0,0,0,0,4,12,5,2,12,104,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408338540397815,0.0,0.12470295061309662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294231860740606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147431626089342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916348074854168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559900902679199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775139987310095,0.13867320583057496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755820188091333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682792806627624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987132994219228,0.13422320288574804,0.0,0.2548806674686916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934524966986058,0.0,0.07543275946721534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104207850706015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896522683809671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29368920648300245,0.13821648051960486,0.07294420353029238,0.10819157762834193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937501818575246,0.0648445216914252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340181156971017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819017244594313,0.0,0.124556861500469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994037894298472,0.10094613126981118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201734471906717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350327698632792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117327389742212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646717429769467,0.0,0.0,0.30071140872830393,0.22669911063128345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362440680088619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997954383421106,0.10668227384064397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264537083326464,0.17009433930130954,0.0,0.0,0.07739515236236108,0.0,0.12581125555576725,0.12682792806627624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618187353607998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976697619730176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942866359625752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El_PEng,2018/02/26,"Alone Don't know what I hope to accomplish with this post but am counting the days to when I end it.

Long story short, my ex broke up with me (she had a  daughter and returned with the father, who is a drug addict bc it is blood) and am over her or at least that is what I tell myself. After this I have abandoned any meaning in blood related family and now judge them by normal standards (that is to say, just bc my it is my mom, I will not excuse her behavior for that reason). This has left me alone as I can only see the worst in people.

I want to reach out and be close with these people but my feeling of hypocrisy doesn't let me do so. I can't help but feel like I deserve to die alone which is why I also am purposely distancing from all, so the day I disappear it only leads to them not really caring.

Am counting the days to end it, have already cut, become addicted to drugs, stabbed myself.... am only waiting for that day where I can walk away from all.

Don't know what I hope to accomplish with posting but just looking for someone to listen on my final days.",4.801764705882351,4.594677411764707,5.669864253393666,84.6913122171946,69.0,8.609954751131223,27.859728506787327,8.139509932561175,1.6177167420814482,832,24,178,10,13,274,126,221,0.197,0.748,0.055,-0.9886,0,3,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,3,8,8,1,0,7,0,25,6,2,2,2,36,38,14,1,4,9,4,2,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,18,11,0,2,6,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,1,6,28,4,32,34,4,30,0,2,2,0,15,12,0,3,14,133,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556494076724051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643208752302684,0.12939324778454994,0.09376837499452494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973707547715136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016445513921533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949837434144446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954876933012022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37809723601291256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169165073541245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719559700696371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770535410244853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053709979883372,0.0,0.11857478864975515,0.08376663260716098,0.0,0.1284465647755505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785932144569987,0.0,0.0,0.2329203351336429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288800048109646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739734878267864,0.11990066243915627,0.0,0.05728462210218666,0.0,0.0,0.1037665357525204,0.09846424209184007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772451626324316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373270440417091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488450680274065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267531974866901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625790022528748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459478265295396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511623013218137,0.12055714661907105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324547839352308,0.0,0.0,0.0934366492383792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993493506776474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248559432370613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915973741818131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580394137892553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FishtheJew,2018/02/26,"Been googling different methods for the past 2 hours because ive fucked up. Hi.
These past 3 weeks ive been placed on a school for my training as a teacher. Those weeks have been hell because my supervisor has not given me adequate help for my flaws when i teach. Because of this ive been stressed and have had issues keeping myself happy. My university also has a one week period where we come back and discuss our teaching at our respective schools. And for todays lesson you must have prepared a small summary about a 20 page essay. Being stressed as i already was, i looked at another classmates text and copied & rewrote it just so i could stay on track and deal with everything else.

My teacher at the university noticed this and i haven't been able to sleep since i recieved that email yesterday. I'm scared of what the university will do. I'm scared of what my parentd will say about my suicidal thoughts. I just want this all to end. I'm tired of fighting an uphill battle. I am also sorry for troubling my sister, my friends and everyone around with my issues. I need help or something useful.",4.918963270142181,6.617545075829384,5.1000444312796205,81.98618039099526,69.80568720379148,7.929028436018957,31.67091232227488,8.472884824447931,2.500518720379146,885,39,162,14,16,278,132,211,0.17,0.737,0.093,-0.955,2,0,2,0,2,0,19.0,3,1,0,1,11,12,4,4,9,0,23,3,1,1,2,25,35,14,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,9,12,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,9,2,28,3,24,21,2,24,1,0,1,1,14,10,2,1,12,109,37,4,0.12276926482810385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354789365889757,0.19635707345544196,0.0,0.13302044714879346,0.0,0.0,0.12873427862166129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929067429265728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440198655834976,0.0,0.2245170130082813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575485091578984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802126813924147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265697212574466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826775163933996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025579673558986,0.0,0.1087371287893291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731129370451465,0.11033709901960533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948512294638642,0.11349820705600433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069016529471986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645793006984847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209029958705232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25627843204834466,0.0,0.10912296348619896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309526222615442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103185426633288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977362171600471,0.0,0.0,0.0831916311410701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439430982059575,0.0,0.0,0.12826775163933996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763104698878436,0.24582690272869,0.2484981006885533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155600452838462,0.0,0.12285792732291335,0.0,0.0,0.09451377802827636,0.0,0.13743014070730913,0.0,0.13085570133629798,0.0,0.0,0.2812635561330905,0.0,0.0,0.1342896494639485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746508281355876,0.0,0.14110520983147076,0.1163709080236944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603322691779117,0.0,0.0,0.07241249323758585,0.0,0.2954342967516237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skybluebomber,2018/02/26,"Why and how do you go on? I just can't find the will. Summary of my life is in high school I suddenly had life threatening medical problems. Not immediate but unchecked for a few more years and my heart would have just stopped working. This was an accidental discovery because I had a tumor in my jaw. 

Lots of tests, flights to other hospitals, surgeries, painful recovery and I have just never been the same. Lot of therapy and different medications. Didn't really help.  Gf at the time decided she wanted to date her brothers best friend. Still don't really know if she cheated on me. 

New girlfriend helped me get a job and tried her best to get me motivated about life. But after 3 years I broke it off. Didn't want to drag her down with me. She had to move for school and I didn't think I could handle the move with her. No friends in the area, nothing past high school education, expensive place to live. I couldn't let her shoulder that burden. 

I've never moved out of my parents home. I'm just more bills for them. I have never moved past this in nearly a decade. Unmotivated and useless. 

I'm just lost with no direction. Empty. Broken. With nothing going for me. I can't let this drag on its too hard. How the fuck do any of you keep going? How can I go on with a life like this? I can't even talk about this with anyone I know so I'm just posting it online for strangers...",1.364130434782609,3.840810757246377,2.823025362318841,90.18497282608696,84.54347826086956,6.348550724637683,22.030797101449274,7.6454224807358475,1.018549275362319,1083,37,227,20,32,352,150,276,0.195,0.703,0.101,-0.9748,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,1,5,15,13,2,0,12,0,25,11,3,4,3,47,42,14,0,7,10,2,1,1,4,2,7,0,1,0,10,14,0,2,6,0,2,8,14,8,0,0,9,1,33,5,38,27,8,40,0,3,0,1,20,17,1,3,15,155,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505978282007183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689561605098826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058320352726372815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080230969923152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763857694698095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995617372767872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319000894337469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744185931041018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783085926745282,0.08844659984505827,0.09996863895478746,0.0,0.21748887868865432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570271689958557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337098269967105,0.1282529471542725,0.20216401861633335,0.09596614117614342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949390293554532,0.0850370709434053,0.0,0.0,0.1051569181923892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956608268260238,0.2703019493528168,0.04674017764754991,0.0,0.0844795341969619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044365545301769,0.16267268132884674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927575928975606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067339180644858,0.0,0.0,0.22136287514888991,0.0923999634279938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835984363487657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180103686765704,0.0,0.10623168628785447,0.0,0.1826582134150472,0.0,0.0,0.09995617372767872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162668491716572,0.0,0.0,0.09154453889296464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257900329095055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904734706030946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640324503286385,0.07998551294367838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689698838222199,0.0,0.0,0.10940849984371273,0.0,0.0,0.06130232306761815,0.0,0.0,0.055786719928174126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495455075304224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285885441357592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632849156341321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964986522887895,0.0,0.0,0.06796216549567663,0.0,0.0,0.1232183952880882
suicidewatch,chriseema,2018/02/26,"I chewed 8 packs of gum today from extreme anxiety and fighting the urge to kill myself I have felt like shit all day. I lost my job in November and last night at a party someone asked me if I still worked there and when I went home I had a complete mental breakdown. There’s way more to the story but I’m so suicidal now I can’t explain, I just don’t have the energy. I chewed 8 packs of project 7 gum which is admittidely small like chicklets, but my stomach hurts and I’m worried about how the sugarfree could hurt me. I went for a sad drive about 9 o clock and after 3 hours of feeling like I actually might kill my self, I called my mom. She screamed at me for waking her up and said she was getting chest pains from me being suicidal which made me feel worse. Then I went home and even though I wasn’t hungry ate a bunch of cheese which is making me guilty. I know this is a stream of consciousness but I feel so fuckin broken and frazzled right now I have no one to talk to",2.7134207317073162,4.032603278048782,3.6819969512195136,91.48494664634147,74.75609756097559,6.88109756097561,23.544207317073173,7.413659706084162,0.7491036585365851,772,22,173,9,16,248,126,205,0.303,0.634,0.063,-0.9961,1,0,0,0,2,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,14,14,5,0,9,0,14,9,4,3,1,26,32,18,4,2,5,1,4,3,0,1,1,2,2,1,4,8,3,0,7,0,0,4,4,11,0,1,11,6,31,3,20,18,3,23,0,4,0,1,11,6,2,2,15,108,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.12542746524895854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983256672678336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015889515733902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124426010515272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476203956358432,0.0,0.0,0.10262134035027727,0.0,0.0,0.08289169672261908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489334413366212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496701807485226,0.0918223891130311,0.12340967044174965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715200876904133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25785363174569154,0.0,0.1265768921798928,0.0,0.27518963932972484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754693068663311,0.0,0.28440044938926845,0.0,0.07063713546979833,0.10476971103606153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883808873705493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030649009417254,0.0,0.0,0.1216188976072683,0.08579526960075523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952875908238973,0.13635080771684996,0.0,0.15053365381029055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206173962246054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709575845820662,0.0,0.13676577358477726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976455299765324,0.12226217067873152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340855973856107,0.0,0.13193496156143195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890368219564864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264481809641324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811835448523903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103308143276638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628080328068544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183211649747555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020217218821568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574478618271742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357191234198033,0.13052920944589733,0.1309838087073648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whyislifesofragile,2018/02/26,"I'm going to kill myself I have been certain the past five years that I will be leaving this world at my own hands...... and tonight I'm feeling especially suicidal.

I don't really have anyone in my life and I'm over being a burden to those who care.... which is probably only one person..... I live in Australia and I'm a 22 year old female but I don't know what to do anymore... I'm really struggling. I'm SO lonely and depressed... everything in my life is miserable",0.3767543859649116,2.7433960000000006,3.148026315789476,86.59326754385971,89.0,6.114035087719299,21.600877192982455,7.492282038375204,1.1709824561403508,360,13,72,7,12,126,63,95,0.219,0.752,0.029,-0.9644,0,2,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,2,3,0,11,3,1,0,1,8,21,6,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,1,2,9,2,8,17,1,12,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835971887600866,0.15395520317703226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244885163006589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964099189204955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978838794298339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132978835249788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513355315292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435969079578375,0.0,0.12100534879176633,0.0,0.0,0.2331391733870505,0.0,0.0,0.3110397510955129,0.0,0.0,0.19442326148369732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310422135047712,0.0,0.14919988700596182,0.16745705940034372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101870348038439,0.0,0.1922529676502029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23739163116670994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28210630936580783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301802826957181,0.0,0.2408415396028934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28357782171056395
suicidewatch,FlamingFast400,2018/02/26,"Im so fake and i can't stand myself. Ignore the post history, I'm posting wih a throwaway account (for obvious reasons)

I'm your good ol' insecure socially awkward highschool gamer nerd. I get good excercise and I'm not like scrawny or fat, but I'm a total shut in. I **never** leave the house to hang out with friends or anything of the sort even thouh I really want to, all because I fucking hate myself and can't see why anyone would want to spend time with me cuz im just a waste of life. I have a lot of friends i guess i'm pretty popular but that's only because no one knows how socially awkward i am. Im so god damn awkward and self concious about being awkward that i dedicate myself to hiding that from people by making 'edgy jokes' and being funny so that i wouldn't have to have a real conversation. Even now i'm considering just not posting this shit because im insecure about my shitty writing skills. I feel so frustrated that i cant talk to anyone because im worried of what they'll think of me. My social life is a mess if it even exists at all and i feel like im not me. But the me that im trying not to be is a lazy piece of shit that procrastinates everything. If i realy did get to the point of deciding to kill myself, I'd probably never get to it just because i'd procrastinate doing it. And i still dont want to post this because i feel like im not really expressing the way i feel in the right way and uggghhh its all a fucking mess. Everyday is so long now i feel like last december was years ago. Also my best friend ever who i love with my everything has gotten herself into hard drugs and smoking and she wants to kill herself and has already tried and failed and i moved away so i cant do shit but tell her i care about her and tell other people that can do somehing. And oh god i dont want to lose her what the fuck has this post become i dont even know this is fucking ridiculous and why do we even exist what the fuck. Also i get extremely good grades and im very acedemic, but i dont know if i want to do anything special because i feel like i'll never be worth anything and i'll never amount to anything so i just dont see a point in going ""above and beyond"" and i want to do therapy or some sort of group session thing but to do that my parents would have to know and that makes me self concious and fuck fuck fuck fu k fuckf cufkc  udkc  

Update: Morning after posting this originally. Feeling pretty refreshed and a lot less mental breakdown-y. It felt great to post this, but I need to head off for school. I'll add more when I get home (if I remember).",2.072322760461649,3.775162293357937,3.9078158122006776,87.58508793279425,77.35793357933579,6.679186621653451,24.816047734945435,7.53845456269673,1.1935051739028029,2041,72,428,28,47,689,232,542,0.229,0.63,0.141,-0.996,1,0,1,0,0,1,37.0,1,1,1,4,28,48,17,6,19,0,39,17,5,6,10,104,89,49,2,15,23,1,9,5,3,4,4,0,1,2,27,30,1,1,16,1,3,3,20,30,0,1,4,11,56,18,48,77,12,44,0,2,2,9,27,13,12,13,23,272,83,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163237741399574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051827964863449726,0.07511711975281754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567920522751268,0.0,0.15459551604371322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412594635280561,0.0,0.0,0.200409552168243,0.051870072899148884,0.0,0.0,0.0492877444272357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788479710028538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752180338895869,0.0,0.05446545589706391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510244955950864,0.04248328501329618,0.0,0.0,0.08441972508940422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623135517257634,0.13420960261302992,0.045094565139782654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885705878004767,0.3473532482888886,0.1226885471318117,0.0,0.02669176536024049,0.1181781379369376,0.0,0.05177999695473614,0.05173816029239499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04207216155624402,0.04636903696130667,0.04820049455088297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047110560103043264,0.0,0.0,0.05419226580933539,0.0,0.0,0.4565804335222738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392147183328952,0.0,0.10324477475155347,0.03828342253958052,0.0,0.04973003607371786,0.0,0.0,0.06634671392893958,0.11472566893411837,0.0,0.0,0.04156328449177145,0.0,0.052542754004411454,0.0,0.07985734381879014,0.04238849817066714,0.0,0.06270011677119945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047330513427414574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991724804729007,0.0,0.034824570248022546,0.1448917837961612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031825264091003384,0.03571963254305832,0.0,0.0,0.05214999978508802,0.0,0.0,0.06512039044206465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879578622765591,0.0,0.31486199984188523,0.09556227386061596,0.050637111773232935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345740036035143,0.06017503080914788,0.04828869872263174,0.0,0.0,0.0532031336226786,0.04010856497285712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753193062842636,0.07485137681602302,0.0,0.09799121388086204,0.0,0.14462925872138074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436272573342116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037506975096369334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03774935772685064,0.08210041671514534,0.0,0.05370952342670995,0.0,0.031202012702457236,0.03009380954510168,0.0,0.0,0.02738615505341616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377343570792818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03875173108571468,0.1939116570279049,0.07455858469793487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475871886811405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047696083434406907,0.0,0.06672636084096249,0.0,0.0,0.03024445677338062
suicidewatch,accountnumber230,2018/02/26,"I wish the kind of people who responds here existed near me. I feel so stressed, depressed, and overall suicidal everyday.          
I've talked a bit here on different accounts.       
It makes me wish that you guys actually physically exists in my area. I hate the place I'm in right now. People here discriminate against non-religious people. People here look down on suicidal people. People here are generally close minded. Though it's not as bad as a lot of other countries that's for sure. It's not like I'm beaten to death or in the middle of a war zone. It's more of a personal social issue.           
When I mentioned being suicidal to my psychologist, she immediately had this judgmental look. My parents don't wanna know me if I actually committed suicide. A suicide hotline doesn't even exist in my country. I don't really know what to do.        
I feel so lost in my identity because I simply don't think I fit with the people here, even my family. I just graduated from high school and dropped out of my first semester of university.           
I kinda wish people who are like the people I've spoken with here are actually around me.           
I don't know.",3.7047660818713415,5.8782180925925935,5.7242397660818725,74.27105263157897,74.0925925925926,8.991812865497076,28.49805068226121,9.549672527348893,3.0055685185185186,892,37,158,24,19,309,120,216,0.21600000000000005,0.708,0.076,-0.9885,2,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,0,3,16,11,3,1,10,0,11,0,0,1,2,29,27,10,7,5,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,7,0,0,6,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,2,4,25,4,28,24,3,23,0,2,2,0,11,18,0,4,6,109,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.2626784749482338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987503419100096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491734131276273,0.05469604857738148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979573951801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728074768169355,0.0,0.0,0.09374442159959696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185261623840988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458555096750403,0.0,0.09073617678632732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632076667023707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884270341252479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858570609423977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948002924015009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936504814100728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343567089429418,0.14793295059490555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767104132995973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069424081314406,0.0,0.097946370225806,0.07628171353764783,0.0,0.0,0.059892705136434965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905975358732397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996299439565995,0.0,0.0,0.5598414946520259,0.07834515594861223,0.09374442159959696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748068045837607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766253901609415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080735578474944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146421002120718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278066407868483,0.0,0.0,0.4907276129392073,0.0,0.08456555674566217,0.0,0.0,0.07211824372431122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749270509635534,0.08815519725595296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30954091642053005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1-thyme,2018/02/26,"17, trans, and ready to go. I’m giving it one more day. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 10 or 11. I was hospitalized for attempted suicide at 13, then put into a religion based therapy program. When my therapist (and thus my parents) found out a friend had a crush on me, they accused me of being promiscuous and homosexual, and therapy turned into a nightmare. When I worked up the courage to come out as transgender, regular therapy became conversion therapy. I endured it until my parents ran out of money to treat me with. My depression has never gotten much better. I’ve woken up every morning since and hated myself; even though I know it’s rubish from ct, I can’t shake how disgusting I feel even so many years later. Si and drugs have been all that’s kept me from tipping over for a long time, but recently it’s not enough. My grades have slipped, my friends don’t like me anymore, I’m revolted by myself. I’m terrified. I don’t believe I can go through mental health treatment under my parents roof again but I really don’t think I’ll survive to see 19 when I can get away and seek real help. I don’t know where I can go or what I can do anymore.. I’m so ready to be done. I’m going to go to school tomorrow to see how one more day goes, and then that’s it.

Edit: thank you to every person that has replied. You’re all incredibly kind. ",3.1659740259740228,4.774291260073261,4.896431901431903,82.05955294705295,74.12820512820512,8.187079587079586,27.79370629370629,8.841846274778883,2.2271626373626376,1066,42,211,22,22,362,158,273,0.1,0.7829999999999999,0.118,0.8362,3,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,1,4,12,14,2,1,6,0,21,2,0,3,3,34,48,24,1,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,9,16,0,1,5,0,1,9,7,6,0,2,10,3,30,8,33,36,6,38,0,3,2,0,11,13,0,2,17,135,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425810689578786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675363515571987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602383729145432,0.0,0.09107794528137264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870864228246253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282789618611648,0.0,0.17739402758484413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538487690358267,0.0,0.0,0.11942476669669012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640645695204287,0.0,0.1360353901213044,0.0,0.17353114299266129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207007026534603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291287931484613,0.15912506540738586,0.0,0.05380309730726896,0.09878834615713734,0.2926311547721161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167199245554773,0.0,0.10946353001332093,0.0,0.0,0.06902570513945053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723841627607046,0.11319085587624055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050311104610867255,0.0,0.0,0.09113456358391636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440613424651496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037801929793128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570256783315711,0.0,0.07942496391119261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956459838734275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430432072029518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991866132513633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352391598288448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721443364601818,0.06597198992449839,0.0,0.10168088892024743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104221834416869,0.164124362239323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037318287211606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264402884006205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481067271319586,0.4710690252366746,0.11956837866016995,0.0,0.06598579089709104,0.10117788687928488,0.0,0.060048798345777074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201328822960292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497108124163539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631611054271591
suicidewatch,FarRole,2018/02/26,"Suicide seems appropriate now i turned 30 a couple weeks ago. i lost my job at the beginning of january for the same reason i've lost every other job i've had, every family member, every friend, every partner: untethered, unreasonable and disproportionate anger. i'm a monument to verbal (a few times physical) violence. i've hurt my partners and psychologically tortured them. i've even physically hurt them on a few occasions. i'm a compulsive liar, i lie about small things, big things, things no one asked me about. i open conversations with total fabrications about myself to coworkers and friends. i'm a coward. i have tens of thousands of debt and too stupid and unstable to ever pay it back. i'm hounded by collectors all day every day for ten years now. i am addicted to the internet, when i do work i spend my time in 2 places: at work or on the computer. the only person that's ever pulled me out of my shell i destroyed today. after a few months of fighting, stripping her of dignity, humiliating her the sweet thing moved out and wanted to try to make it work without living together and i've been shitting on her almost daily since. today, after she didn't get back to me about spending the day together (although she texted me and for some reason i didn't get the text) i decided to go out by myself and never see her again, then just as i'm leaving she appeared at my door with coffee and donuts and a smile and i lost my mind. i screamed and yelled and told her i never want to see her again and she's worthless and she never cared for me. and all of that is untrue, she's been the best thing in my life. the only good memories i have have been with her and yet i can debilitated and humiliate her. i carried that rage all the way out the building into the public, humiliated her more and she finally said she doesn't want to see me again. nor should she. i'm toxic. i've destroyed everything good. i lie, i steal, i hurt, i bully, i humiliate. i'm the worst type of man, i'm destructive and disrespectful. 

i've seen what my absence brings to others. makes them lighter and less stressed. i'm the source of that stress. i can feel the cancer in me, i can feel the stress on my organs, on my heart and i know it'll be the end of me anyway.

so i just feel that another 15, 20, 25 years of ruining other peoples lives, paying debts, being stuck where i am, never having the courage and strength to keep and nurture the people i love, will be an excess of suffering and pain. i've had a knot in my belly for so long and i can't remember the last breath that wasn't painful. all the horrible memories that constantly and persistently come back to me and make me physically cringe and flinch are just too much to bear. the tension in my body is pure pain. 

within the confines of these circumstances i really believe suicide is an appropriate action. for the greatest good.

wisdom that i love that i always failed practice: raise your words, not your voice. flowers grow with rain, not thunder.",4.310217188954391,5.798045750853247,5.451531182128452,79.69895671734409,71.0136518771331,8.603723239218121,27.482004343779092,9.095868883498916,2.2348375426621168,2374,83,455,48,44,787,282,586,0.223,0.698,0.079,-0.998,5,0,0,0,2,2,71.0,0,2,3,10,26,44,10,4,36,0,30,12,4,5,12,84,73,38,2,4,7,0,3,0,4,3,6,5,1,4,22,41,0,2,9,0,6,8,14,30,0,4,15,13,79,14,66,52,16,70,0,10,4,2,37,24,1,5,37,315,101,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855556586256059,0.0,0.0,0.06387645949173995,0.0,0.07215724869123025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995933341542103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755607403749395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736596905421348,0.0,0.0,0.1662280802033505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118645734625488,0.07562207123168438,0.0,0.0,0.08004193573871145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346953242257806,0.0,0.0,0.06207293751901949,0.0,0.07787079372525214,0.0,0.0,0.0797325417532057,0.0,0.13941738068468276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382338912010929,0.0,0.0,0.047594665266591216,0.13036401007046916,0.3035664710741778,0.0,0.06476249357986888,0.0,0.06793134787646914,0.0,0.1093064486738548,0.0,0.0,0.0789377348526871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134608746790932,0.0,0.07529630059830338,0.0,0.04095311329069717,0.1813204411958549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539093541465763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314237747798665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301600517122998,0.06404985526160611,0.0,0.0,0.03960205422915857,0.05873816584475418,0.0,0.07630067827252454,0.0,0.0,0.05089780416031757,0.0,0.0,0.12725983804132746,0.06377045038244172,0.0,0.0,0.2359845933356697,0.0,0.13007314760766353,0.0,0.14430096421961075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275962213121166,0.0,0.057517259946098215,0.07658791716660301,0.05297207399673946,0.0,0.2223071256850704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048829428411155285,0.10960909767451672,0.2300293838152425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991406305709702,0.06291963559149763,0.07528691179900372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616320465766341,0.1481784754779864,0.0,0.0,0.08162944373530284,0.0,0.06854515094916251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226643910620132,0.06560032463207607,0.0,0.0,0.07396811135853239,0.05960841955884665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476319761463516,0.0,0.0,0.1576429440057416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393658763022317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403702755230917,0.0,0.13660809012984645,0.06885600557646343,0.0,0.04892371677622607,0.07838011790820354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750780118575095,0.05719753123704696,0.057801839141612237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946285241054778,0.0,0.15738067189081711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280799886701012
suicidewatch,Sarahhamandaa,2018/02/26,"Tipping point So recently my boyfriend broke up with on the premise that he doesn't know who he is and wants to work on himself.

We had been dating for 8 months and it this seemed to have come out of the blue. 

I really fell for him over the 8 months and thought that based on our communication style , we could get through anything. 

I don't really know what to do anymore. I often feel like ""what's the point"". I mean I'm 25 and for the most part haven't had much luck with relationships. I really want to build something with someone , but for whatever reason I always seem to push people away . 

Is there a point to to it all? ",3.835083114610676,4.834796952755909,4.314908136482938,89.2602537182852,71.5984251968504,7.8491688538932625,25.134733158355203,8.167268648758528,1.1741415573053369,491,14,109,7,9,155,83,127,0.031,0.942,0.026,-0.1515,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,0,11,0,0,1,1,27,23,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,2,12,2,23,18,4,17,0,1,1,0,9,10,0,5,5,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039012827973682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673267776827062,0.0,0.0,0.13884373920674384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851976938134113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453389683407314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347106999200592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531085697036897,0.12053495173155787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881502236419685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545027626817312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242899284765243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378760042707612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26934440535507737,0.0,0.12403000233710562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270936474373056,0.0,0.1169705142679918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784901645723427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32426268878564396,0.17347420322805032,0.1665925113427069,0.18114416715978235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30719614330872136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429575096405168,0.12989035371580884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394633402345038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903308398611846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283154518759445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lattewithdepresso,2018/02/26,"I'm so tired I really haven't found much enjoyment in my life as a whole. I don't have fond childhood memories or find any happiness presently aside from occasional fleeting joy in things like sex or a good tv show, but those aren't really worth all of the sadness. 

I have suicidal thoughts daily. Every morning I stand in my shower and imagine shooting myself in the head in the tub so there wouldn't be much of a mess to clean up and I would go relatively quickly. Some days I'll feel guilty for leaving my mom and brother behind and wish to myself that they would die in a car accident on some rainy day so I could kill myself without hurting them too much. Other days I have worse thoughts where I'm the one causing their deaths so I can justify my own. 

I fantasize about how people would respond if I killed myself. People I love, people who've wronged me or people who just didn't care enough to help me when I needed it. Even just typing this I feel like a horrible person and for some reason one of the top things making me not want to post it right now is for fear of one day running for public office and being somehow blackmailed. 

Other people seem to deal with similar problems to me so why am I wanting so badly to end it all. I'm falling behind in school. I've ruined some of my friendships due to my mental health and I have a hard enough time making friends in the first place. I'm struggling with the death of my dad that happened over 7 years ago still, and I'm battling gender dysphoria to top it all off. I don't want to not be alive I just don't want my life. 

I know the common response to wanting to commit suicide is ""its a permanent solution to a temporary problem"" but my problems have been lifelong and there is no end to them regardless of what I do. I just want to hurry up and get ill enough to do the thing.",5.470570314404097,5.453304442359247,5.985811601267367,82.3451712161833,67.57908847184987,8.7121130879844,30.35937119181087,8.296473431620573,2.0635265415549595,1459,50,293,18,22,473,198,373,0.279,0.613,0.108,-0.9977,1,0,0,1,0,3,21.0,0,0,4,3,22,24,3,2,17,0,27,8,1,5,4,65,54,25,7,18,13,3,3,2,1,4,5,0,2,1,16,12,0,0,10,2,1,4,11,14,0,4,5,3,41,10,48,41,15,42,0,3,0,2,15,18,0,10,20,208,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711856086388609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059161686979703136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263977429226076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870035460410118,0.089371006915371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946089868720598,0.0,0.0,0.2244262929487216,0.08969121448870322,0.0,0.0,0.0902902859901708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410897715879532,0.26967686041748906,0.0,0.057461420363045225,0.0,0.07329964610451332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978970422758644,0.08797770030820155,0.06215145549285574,0.0,0.0,0.07951468150074614,0.07400053402314039,0.0,0.09538891926470927,0.06721451135265205,0.0,0.04545291322280165,0.0,0.04944302149812568,0.07296987336436735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693212690682068,0.09261108842272303,0.07793320375116798,0.0,0.08928514304451099,0.09247490534499067,0.0,0.0,0.0583129883383547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931332585990684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250100158695166,0.0,0.047811877078146624,0.0,0.0,0.09211841965155218,0.0,0.0,0.1228986527809413,0.08500574823643446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851917615937984,0.0,0.1161438061369753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767361623801939,0.0,0.0,0.1018911158306975,0.0,0.0,0.19186082690441333,0.0645079840991249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685647937459945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015676203071052,0.0759633797099212,0.0908944912730532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332012523080322,0.0,0.0,0.24973627884671995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146641302260668,0.0894485297932382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429589663506908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804671538921126,0.0,0.07919979704704264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947678997590079,0.0,0.0,0.09094929680339517,0.0,0.19032358820139447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339300312414596,0.0,0.0,0.13813353716737856,0.05072928803255665,0.09999151072416006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078823780969007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785022478391814,0.09713026468896267,0.10004351422072497,0.08386305775282799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886584898933456,0.18540284891379366,0.0951187582263062,0.0,0.05602391997169561
suicidewatch,iwannawrestle,2018/02/26,"There's nothing out there for me. I'm only a few months away from graduation. My major is a worthless humanities degree that is not only totally worthless, but in a subject that I've come to utterly despise. I have no job prospects and $25,000 in debt. My lease is up in May and I can't find anywhere else to live within my budget

Even if I could find a job and an apartment, I really wouldn't care. Everyone I've ever known or cared about has faded away. Even the few people I've met within the last year or so will soon be gone too. Life takes people from you; it's impossible to get close to anyone with that irrefutable truth in the back of your mind. Even family has faded away: parents are divorced, brother has broken all contact for no identifiable reason. 

Even if I could find a job, an apartment, and could keep my friends there's an even bigger problem: I simply don't care. I don't give a fuck about anything. Jobs are just an endless race for a paycheck until the grim reaper comes for you, family is based entirely on the idea that genetics should bind people who would otherwise hate each other. Friendship is only a way that people pass their time until death. 

I look in the mirror and hate what I see. How can I be proud. I'm slowly withering away. I literally look like death. I've lost my hair, there's bags under my eyes 24/7 (regardless of how much sleep I get) and I've gained over 20 pounds since last fall, when I was arguably in the best shape of my life. I go to the gym, it doesn't do anything. I eat well, but it never lasts. I'm literally witnessing my body slowly deteriorating. Even if I could have all the things above, it wouldn't matter. I'd be dead soon just because my body would give out. I look fucking ghastly anyway. 

Even when I try to pull myself out of things it might start to get better for a while. I may join a club, meet new people, study hard, even take up a new interest, but it never lasts beyond a few weeks. That brief feeling of optimism that *""This time will be different!""* has come and gone so many times I've lost count. No matter what you say or do, no matter how hard you try or who you talk to, it always just gives way to that cold, crushing, and undefeatable feeling of emptiness and apathy. 

I didn't ask for any of this. Life has no value to me. I don't care about any of it, nor of its rewards. I don't want to have a family of my own, I don't want to date anyone, I don't want to leave my room. I want nothing. I want to be nothing, hear and see nothing. I wish I'd never been born. And since I can't turn back the clocks to prevent my own birth suicide is the only way out. 

In the end no one will truly notice that I'm gone. The few who do will have no trouble in adapting to my death. If they ever truly cared they wouldn't have left anyway. ",3.156078755390752,4.3111901941074535,4.347241949135467,87.79501229293459,73.40207972270363,7.100544113498048,23.29728749345049,7.485028197883463,0.8246392245375036,2190,57,470,25,43,719,252,577,0.21,0.674,0.117,-0.9955,7,0,0,0,1,2,75.0,0,6,3,7,36,26,5,0,30,0,56,11,5,4,9,83,105,33,6,22,15,2,5,1,1,13,3,2,1,1,28,21,1,2,8,2,2,11,25,12,1,1,9,14,53,14,64,74,13,79,0,5,6,2,27,31,2,11,35,311,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873770668169726,0.0,0.0,0.07966375232129581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191167503901216,0.0,0.0964017273716681,0.0,0.05475816112472198,0.0,0.22012630426446345,0.09007855773492073,0.0,0.03570576117455938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146910107917133,0.05180335462983468,0.0,0.130123540875298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985970921694838,0.0,0.0,0.15136722421743334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870641664065667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119666806180572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059935144246259814,0.048930505174985164,0.0,0.051878589056623736,0.0,0.0,0.3094970812040538,0.10596586924414092,0.0,0.05596933141014341,0.0,0.0,0.1656531811831739,0.0,0.059232875911349875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060490030875932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525361309111767,0.10830020818243033,0.09180644956519438,0.1685666397105151,0.033288575932549865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494040583001103,0.11565808308092818,0.0,0.0,0.06601640518623178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661221653045271,0.0,0.0,0.2324999867003462,0.05206267116275951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909803418345701,0.0,0.062020704124512986,0.06364009953388136,0.0,0.12411623555191302,0.02861597268058381,0.0,0.051721327652579634,0.0,0.14756054722792342,0.0,0.12787942800840002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059384167936521425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621370518484601,0.059142370665349775,0.0,0.04675267693464543,0.0,0.04305814053813764,0.0,0.1355260999545681,0.11314098329196302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248107775015951,0.06668612977642084,0.0,0.0,0.039690807481954915,0.17819064181698058,0.0,0.0,0.06503875649657366,0.0,0.0,0.20303687604876644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604677080543869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03752357806422358,0.06022314344583564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657986671426729,0.0,0.0,0.09335072848001516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690493548653853,0.0,0.05861563566095785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041458507775351434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406972132394502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807971630461903,0.04707902771268528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782704179179661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024637474920483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953489881209662,0.06371096839619605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727403519416323,0.1394783601595934,0.04698399600656675,0.0,0.05266446226923579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735644422179947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321763283839566,0.0,0.0,0.03771930714403415
suicidewatch,hashtagoprahswag,2018/02/26,"Reasons not to die? I wish someone could convince me living is a good idea but I’m in so much pain, literally 24/7 for 1,270 days now. Countless drugs don’t make even a dent. The doctors feel insulting and make me feel even worse. It’s like I can’t relate or open up to anyone. Everyone I try to have any emotion with abandons me or uses me. 

I am starting a road trip now to drift across the country, completely alone, to escape. My friends and family have borrowed all my money, my sick family members guilt and trap me and I can’t take it anymore. I quit school because I’m just sitting in a box wanting to die and not even learning while paying all my money to be told to buy a book and teach myself. 

I am not a teenager or some young 20-something that hasn’t lived enough to keep hearing the patronizing “it’ll get better” bullshit everyone disingenuously says or “you tried 6 or so medicines but what about 7 or 8 maybe enough pills will fill your loneliness and anguish”

My birthday is in a couple days. And I have no one. I feel nothing for my family. I’m told that makes me a piece of shit but I just have no connection to them I don’t feel comfortable or attached. I have no friends and no partner. I have nothing. 

Part of me really wants to shoot myself during my trip. It’ll never get better. No one will ever want me. Years of being left and betrayed and used and all I see are people being divorced and cheated and I never see anyone happy. Why should I keep surviving in this world? I want a reason and I have begged God for years to help my suffering, to even just give me someone to love so I have a reason to stay - and like a practical joke all I get is false hope and a rug pulled out from under me. 

I wrote a rough draft for a book that was a suicide note and basically me screaming for help and I had people read it and they all claimed to like it yet not a single person thought to ask why it was in first person, or why the details of the story were so meticulous and all about me planning to die. 

I know when I die everyone will say they never saw it coming. Yet I send so many texts, make so many cries for help, and all I want is someone to care. 

I wish someone could convince me to live. I honestly can’t find any reasons. Since I was 4 years old I knew I wanted to be married and have someone to love. It’s been over two decades and I have no one and I’m so depressed and lonely that I know I’m becoming too sad to even have normal relationships anymore. I can barely function. Who would want someone so sad that they want to die from how lonely they are? Spoiler alert: no one. 

I’m not old. I’m not ugly. I’m not obese. But I’m a mess on the inside. And I just don’t think I can hold on anymore. I want to but I just can’t find any reasons to. 

I’ll delete this I imagine. I will be wiping my phone soon and turning it off. I have no one to talk to anyways. The only phone call I ever get is someone guilt tripping me to do things for them. The only text I’ve had in days was someone telling me they never wanted to talk to me again after pretending to like me. I was doing better than usual and that really just was the straw that tipped me over. ",1.7497402924861305,3.574072974281396,3.344926626323751,90.70300769036814,78.7125567322239,5.980040342914776,23.11954109934443,6.88968998030894,0.6561243368633378,2480,80,534,26,60,820,274,661,0.17800000000000002,0.655,0.166,-0.9604,1,5,2,1,1,3,56.0,0,2,7,7,33,36,3,3,26,0,58,9,1,12,13,122,117,53,6,18,26,0,5,4,3,8,6,4,1,3,22,33,1,4,19,5,5,8,27,16,0,7,16,12,81,20,65,86,14,56,0,7,3,2,38,19,1,10,31,364,103,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458870786105408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075280005448302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568139787122746,0.07370812430643645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927406679268365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03212978713787629,0.058210902031939474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984556294549114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053819889323297065,0.0,0.053738448338863806,0.0,0.0,0.04540253947610872,0.055262440037247285,0.0,0.0,0.084164734906277,0.05831945480864671,0.057896325207751224,0.10197524691420426,0.0,0.04539658782399765,0.0,0.2735084820596473,0.0,0.0,0.053947997569684464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112355622698443,0.0,0.0,0.05928844533209444,0.0,0.10892114314848644,0.0,0.1740628649930149,0.09535326263034903,0.0,0.1510918108424293,0.0,0.0,0.14906281997762538,0.0,0.1066012672460215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634675358584166,0.04483267166630917,0.0,0.0,0.08144282087863178,0.0,0.1101492340127105,0.050561497400638734,0.0,0.04420825359251927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610773725791105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940478445121941,0.0,0.1059854673171922,0.0,0.0,0.05235008886660501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949995256910081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369706665044122,0.0,0.0,0.05793293832512575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572664686088183,0.0,0.0,0.10300019724834077,0.0,0.139624127308882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514051461201004,0.0,0.14072971757166527,0.1068735471473324,0.05295141272006697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038745817048393916,0.0,0.16260400189122712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164181252846626,0.10114785667380262,0.0,0.11061456736516766,0.0,0.17857863181954356,0.08017231958102619,0.05608411972950604,0.0,0.0,0.057076703104043974,0.0,0.07308099750842789,0.09204369417477733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606053787713939,0.052721409542342786,0.0,0.06753109504994975,0.2709586234877916,0.0,0.056587749962953016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382967640003129,0.0,0.053342445895148735,0.08400154307214781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054103128193344466,0.043599896030371336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572687517441665,0.040576536213756766,0.0,0.0,0.037306389390884286,0.056178804982912674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765306327058885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03962921448721732,0.08472801527303797,0.04606836897529356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03501628594495136,0.03377261108932244,0.0,0.04184358666921541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072787389495287,0.0,0.07156938501806716,0.05733023987110124,0.051487223228618886,0.0,0.0,0.09104410302176356,0.05804947517385765,0.0,0.31088040447438914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268000422837593,0.0,0.12122123399809362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371308491606576,0.03744164444701257,0.0,0.0,0.10182502232072488
suicidewatch,Astrosurf96,2018/02/26,"Wish I could just go to California instead of moping around through college Im an increadibly depressed college student, I want to get my bachelors in geology and see some outcrops and californian condors and some desert but IM stuck in the middle of Bloomington Normal in Illinois, Its an alright town, but there is nothing outside of it I hate living in the midwest, and I dont have the money to get out to the regular west so Im trapped.


It also sucks that the dorms are all suicide proofed and that they mandatory give everyone a roomate, fuck that I would be so much happier without a roomate I could look at all the porn I wanted and no one would judge me and I could sleep WHENEVER I WANTED TOO.  its not like my roomate is even a bad roomate, by roomate standards hes actually A+ but I just hate being trapped in this shithole of a town",4.184335664335666,5.922012878787882,5.4509090909090885,78.58867132867134,71.72727272727273,7.986013986013986,35.11655011655011,8.617729084823388,3.1252144522144523,675,37,123,12,13,225,103,165,0.265,0.6729999999999999,0.062,-0.9922,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,10,8,4,0,13,1,13,3,1,0,3,32,28,13,1,10,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,1,2,15,2,19,20,5,13,0,1,2,2,3,12,2,2,1,94,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.1459413465842631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959681781214712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313313986533545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248698167124518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582157201999057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288090664900618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752740316243324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877779905953077,0.0,0.0,0.14290350913861907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825857304155195,0.1562696745268638,0.1434640705985651,0.08499394570446174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953036156782677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846260267010691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306363700333872,0.0,0.13205730768337198,0.0,0.12558615869323256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099380540173569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652937549923425,0.14349934235294867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134042209924947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917371839484706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966017665924078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358580272527318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646292371949856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197761702492606,0.14416295690028186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124751440690017,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gutsx1991,2018/02/26,"I think it's time for me to be committed but I have no insurance I don't know what to do. I can feel my depression grab me and pull reality away. I've been able to fight it before but it sinks deeper every time. I need help, now. I need to go to hospital. I'm in the USA though and I do not have insurance. I'm 27 so I can't use my parents. I wish it wasn't so hard to get professional help. Maybe I'll just let me depression drag me all the way down this time.",-1.4672527472527468,0.4155051904761926,1.8323809523809556,96.31120879120884,92.33333333333334,6.278388278388277,16.64835164835165,7.61054688173877,0.1651758241758241,355,9,93,8,13,127,65,105,0.168,0.7040000000000001,0.128,-0.7571,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,2,15,22,7,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,3,15,0,10,18,1,10,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,56,21,1,0.21007894877985736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973760877547895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876171236595906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361881381504784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177000574977795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622222866923896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975758004862103,0.0,0.11939270786286738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818947439596195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816229821859047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545389621026465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148199584116499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105254057925354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115417572391395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332678114525997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346101077619664,0.2064015005471276,0.0,0.3674961733310672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144076107171134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675089117127595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24158042338457075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tmog23,2018/02/26,Debated suicide for years. Finally want to succeed. I started slow just starving myself. Not leaving my bed. Not using the bathroom. Just festering in my own waste. You think if I start cutting the wounds will get infected and I'll die faster? I'm really tired of living.,1.6949777777777797,4.274441920000001,3.096666666666668,82.75611111111112,99.8,6.222222222222222,27.555555555555557,7.3871296695380915,2.5532888888888894,216,11,35,5,9,70,43,50,0.345,0.584,0.071,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,9,8,2,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30871293461365057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32584910890163016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540876932517686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31496353512157765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26265958164443537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905582815343625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210825515161832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253691844892854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059814526476945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34188254443526955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569069523133348,0.0,0.0,0.17544757891317864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155226449172247
suicidewatch,Lazypajamas,2018/02/26,Thinking of hanging That's all. For whatever reason that's my choice at the moment. Thoughts?,1.7514705882352928,3.5238757647058847,2.032205882352944,88.06242647058825,114.88235294117649,4.052941176470589,27.77941176470589,5.985473137389443,1.7173647058823531,76,4,12,1,4,23,15,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7098475340121259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44238128298556,0.0,0.5481015224581608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,massaenova700,2018/02/26,"Should I kill myself? Idk, I feel so conflicted. I need a sign.",-2.2348717948717933,-1.3707150000000006,0.6230769230769262,98.31358974358973,122.07692307692308,4.810256410256411,12.025641025641027,6.42735559955562,-0.4312358974358972,47,1,11,1,3,16,11,13,0.466,0.534,0.0,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35492821863014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.776606314309458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204888012193104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nuggets404,2018/02/26,"I'm broken again, but I can't pick up the pieces now. I don't know anything that would make me feel *something, anything* right now.

All i want is to end this.",-1.6960784313725483,0.0762001764705893,-0.19176470588235264,106.53039215686277,106.05882352941177,2.266666666666667,14.490196078431374,3.1291,-1.6684156862745096,122,3,30,0,6,38,28,34,0.069,0.8809999999999999,0.049,-0.1531,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,8,9,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6372209097490747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429204290884497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576634207893506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127801988623674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584410367957868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306436941354384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980647519121144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283647134044453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750366469057254,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Knightfall3n,2018/02/26,"How do I make myself go through with it? I’ve wanted this for years and not been able to muster up the courage to do this. I don’t like living, things don’t make me happy like they used to. I only feel alive when I’m strung out on copious amounts of stimulants or psychedelics and I don’t like it. I just want to be at peace, but I’m scared. Please help. I’ve got a rope and a will, but very little willpower.",0.34343320848938674,2.2161296853932626,1.5250936329588003,101.74159800249687,83.6067415730337,4.854431960049938,17.754057428214733,5.82211442006289,-0.7059598002496883,318,7,80,2,9,100,61,89,0.043,0.7170000000000001,0.24,0.9109,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,5,0,18,18,8,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,8,5,12,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,46,13,0,0.2501913146539492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265042460969199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421894897789481,0.0,0.20010084974031966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663333067377209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769796440597234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36669251606542297,0.25075742489996805,0.22092351455680834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33400929059781714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902817688467501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746349324483169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504851521963347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621599232425888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608496619008727,0.0,0.2064340367436501,0.2951386392326843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111500379267885
suicidewatch,tramanhgy,2018/02/26,"What's it all for? I'm going to be honest with you. Nothing in my life is really great.

I'm over 150k in debt, and I'm terrible at my job. So terrible that I constantly get yelled at and will probably be fired here sometime soon. 
I barely see my family because I work so much, but when I do I have to choose between seeing them and being with my partner because I have so little free time.

My body absolutely hates me. I'm constantly breaking something or tearing something else or under the weather with things that 2 year old immune systems could fight off better than me.

My sisters have seen everything I've done wrong in life and followed the exact same paths. So it's my fault they're broken.
My boyfriend is leaving me because I'm never home, and doesn't think we'll ever end up together. My family didn't even know we were together because of social status.


I have no one to just talk about normal things to, and I'm terrible at social interaction so I can't make friends.
I'm not very smart at all, so I there's pretty much no way to achieve my dreams as far as education and career path goes.

I don't want to go on knowing I'll be alone. I'm tired of trying to fix everything because it feels like I'm hugging a crumbling bag of sand in a windstorm. More than anything I want to die accidentally. I literally pray every day on the way to work that a rogue car will smash into my driver's side and just end it for me. When I eat literally hope that this is the bite where I choke to death. I wish that a derranged maniac would do me the favor of following me home and stabbing me to death.

Sometimes if the day feels like it's going really well, I think, ""hey me, this is the best it's ever going to get so you might as well end it on a high note."" I just want to find a way to accidentally die and let this whole mess of my life dry up.

Even if I did clear things up, what's it all for? I'm going to be alone anyway. I'm tired of being sad and I don't have what it takes to go on knowing I'll be alone. ",3.669403361344538,4.109127152941177,5.239289915966388,84.5341617647059,71.58823529411767,8.236134453781514,26.47268907563025,8.306716005460428,1.520410084033614,1580,48,345,23,28,537,199,425,0.22,0.6509999999999999,0.129,-0.9921,3,3,2,0,1,1,36.0,2,2,1,5,24,24,3,0,13,0,33,9,1,1,8,53,72,28,4,10,9,1,4,2,2,5,6,1,2,1,23,16,1,0,9,1,2,9,9,10,2,1,5,8,44,15,54,53,9,54,1,1,3,1,14,24,0,6,18,219,67,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526378787782313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691119246190763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478290714375724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532981648579177,0.07191207722752951,0.0,0.09031706718038356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757344232961103,0.0,0.06491940955009629,0.0,0.0,0.10487643192868397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687738617084972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320834844364981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320041727949988,0.06792406190812733,0.0,0.21604954713955554,0.0,0.0,0.10740896108117504,0.14709907933603789,0.06850717216839727,0.0,0.14615234950129494,0.0,0.15330364147717046,0.0,0.08222554653810958,0.11617574403823427,0.0,0.0,0.07431585641927782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281989540420578,0.0,0.08496222607322962,0.0,0.27726204146756184,0.0,0.0,0.0896445493525356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027677996854732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085908467060964,0.16312109612036488,0.0807591650564708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806876172328313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405752969188575,0.0,0.0,0.0860955375685092,0.0,0.08314497214464457,0.17229494846380178,0.07944790649375692,0.08149396936088636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054275048695145066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625704847006213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954439436511274,0.0,0.06271127572026564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966652496863649,0.07801912689243562,0.0,0.08532115510115475,0.0,0.05509775251546207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272148975623829,0.08766591989940709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417852136755684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958706716330684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657705873012596,0.0,0.12519280316244324,0.1608353154024094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113499218667171,0.06535388877541559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205623013355724,0.10420031493358058,0.0,0.0,0.047412508162335935,0.18690774115855896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520414485247682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708925596975714,0.14387621363018588,0.1936202525693048,0.0,0.0,0.14621488916744635,0.0,0.0,0.09077969839473816,0.09350247398573318,0.0,0.0,0.11838928002655573,0.0,0.0,0.057760282921141035,0.08889970815087578,0.0,0.05236096673068575
suicidewatch,conversationalraven,2018/02/26,"Congratulations Universe, do you want a sticker? I am Murphy's law. I always go wrong. Anything and everything having to do with me spirals out beyond all conceivable control. Every time I get closer by even nanometers toward correction, I am hit by a ton of bricks that mows me down deeper than I had ever been before. Congratulations Universe, you did it. You win. Push me down into the deepest depths of the molten core of the earth and I won't bat an eye because I'm done humoring you with my feeble attempts to get out. 


I have no friends, no family, no connections, no money or way to support myself, no sanity, no way to fix any of the barrage of problems pelting me like merciless golf balls of hail. You win, Universe. I have no way out. 


Oh yes, Universe, I guess I do have family. Family that will stop at nothing to bring me down. Family whose only goal is to see me broken and paralyzed with debt and pain and suffering to get the satisfaction of telling me, ""I told you so."" Family that will keep an iron grip on me wherever in the world I'll go to force me down on my knees and beg for mercy that will never come, just to watch me squirm. 


Congratulations Universe. I'm Murphy's law and I've run out of things to go wrong. ",3.707823261858348,5.284206687242803,5.179787740957334,80.70553606237819,72.66255144032922,8.243361490145118,26.36972059779077,8.841846274778883,2.0213012345679013,967,33,187,19,19,325,137,243,0.147,0.703,0.15,0.5719,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,6,0,5,6,11,0,0,10,1,18,3,2,1,4,30,35,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,7,16,0,3,0,2,2,7,9,5,0,0,5,4,30,6,40,25,2,32,0,1,3,0,10,18,0,2,5,127,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815437339412108,0.0,0.0,0.08839134831276145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696305928063997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923504180480499,0.0,0.11060402104447543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196688288024458,0.0,0.0,0.1457844324124463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301540713519844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585104112393617,0.11757500475055505,0.10951436446105707,0.0,0.11681829189198505,0.0,0.6126712844265855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042278352682192,0.0,0.20372868775114875,0.0,0.22161311946913528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318841963985274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553283812894295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350201527832844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024914600423628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472000853325467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885619637520388,0.1383086527241409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437399684836882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035778069183576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866970389575853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750058319107998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360888031945544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635341618639232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579280438170183,0.0,0.0,0.12420215024653998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666599762743115,0.3095179414907799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842270299811847,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Messofagirl,2018/02/26,"I'm not living, I'm just surviving. I'm a lost cause.. Throwaway account, dont want my boyfriend to find this after I take my life. 


I'm just so broken. I think I'm beyond repair. There has been too much inane trauma and mental illness in my short life, I can't stand much more. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was a kid. I've never lived without those labels. I could go on and on about my issues, but I'm exhausted and I don't think anyone cares. The main thing is my extreme agoraphobia. Every time I make progress something happenes and I get knocked down. If I'm gonna be afraid to leave the house forever then I don't want to live. I'm miserable. I haven't worked in almost two years, my car was repossessed, my agoraphobia and panic disorder keep me from finishing college. 


My amazing and wonderful boyfriend supports me and my two sweet kitties, and he doesn't complain or ever try to force me to work. I'm lucky to have him, we're best friends, I've never been so in love or felt so loved.. but he would be so much happier without me, in the long run. I hate not helping him financially. I hate depending on him for literally all my needs. He works and goes to school full time, and most days I just lay in bed and waste my life away. I'm not living, I'm just surviving..and I'm miserable. This is no way to live a life. We're not married yet, no kids yet. He'll be heart broken, but he's strong as hell and he'll move on. I want him to be happy and date a normal girl. He says he's happy, that he loves me and he doesn't mind taking care of me.. but I'm such a broken piece of shit...its only a matter of time until he leaves. I have no good friends in real life. My best and only friend killed herself last year. My dad is dead, my mother is a narcissist, no one in my family talks to me, I have a tade school certificate that I don't use, I'm unable to work or even leave the house for groceries. I can't even get the mail. I'm a prisoner and I'm tired of it. Haven't decided how I want to go. I'm scared. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live to see my future fail. 


Please don't recommend the agoraphobia subreddit, every time I post no one responds..i can't afford a therapist or medication. Haven't seen a doctor in years and three of my teeth are broken, can't afford the dentist. I have big dreams, but I'll never achieve them if I can't leave my fucking bedroom. I'm just done..


Edit: sorry for any typos. This post doesn't make much sense. I'm a mess, I can't think straight",1.2757070379553708,3.0194789700934628,3.2251726111005183,91.38650200267028,79.85981308411216,6.535571237840933,21.572572954415413,7.523968598718282,0.6613734503147057,1959,57,445,29,49,660,239,535,0.229,0.61,0.162,-0.9828,2,0,1,0,0,1,77.0,0,0,1,12,21,35,5,5,19,0,41,18,2,6,5,77,98,39,3,12,23,2,1,0,3,4,12,1,2,3,8,19,0,1,7,1,1,5,33,17,0,5,9,5,57,18,46,80,12,51,1,5,2,4,33,19,2,11,23,250,65,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725216254503302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567186619365482,0.0,0.05137807470514367,0.0,0.0,0.04696061826201267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310008517752676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096290861165853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695048040797336,0.06899297294939148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053622691178861384,0.0,0.0,0.04331336776032305,0.0,0.05784577619524435,0.06816712536911321,0.06970264153800503,0.0,0.07697246468318979,0.06874225449931065,0.0,0.0687291459213573,0.07871233510539859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871857568965902,0.060751080136090735,0.11317228428851615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331352888523771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448520964543332,0.0,0.06138404902448204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566554938621294,0.06208937531468343,0.07017782882140584,0.0,0.07633842702447312,0.0563315629185604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939035861649826,0.14298852701554812,0.0,0.1326154076544719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795862532529864,0.04501668455896444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498983573934447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009876263797099,0.0,0.059695891336872614,0.07430383103882804,0.0,0.0,0.0547452785220817,0.0,0.2844557247152214,0.0,0.0,0.2371894342328877,0.0,0.0,0.35582700845619003,0.059435479767830576,0.0,0.0,0.0733142985954915,0.0,0.1818466049700804,0.0,0.08966114125395988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765776497421958,0.0676826147792305,0.0,0.0678135880044736,0.0,0.0,0.07138164422419159,0.19748461009208146,0.04979912116448625,0.1553963935293637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580364016388236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102022918141507,0.10215811975820112,0.0,0.07879910630655923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372274414118109,0.0,0.0,0.12864358016313288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764440605791756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340922007570551,0.06723999974042033,0.13594128258805252,0.05351871906590735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893992687442517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051703913115655545,0.0,0.07518137781432431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621364565174826,0.0,0.0,0.10099361127794294,0.053981566059030296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797923939346132,0.0446188653608364,0.12910240590170005,0.0,0.0,0.15664876195414587,0.0771918302441577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559799344652394,0.0,0.13121331512157694,0.0,0.0,0.05800564601586317,0.0,0.0,0.2376802199817266,0.05330937276154761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948185042769128,0.07283337219542597,0.19557638757798354,0.0,0.0,0.047709334310780296,0.0,0.0,0.1297486823255634
suicidewatch,Jrdemonwolf,2018/02/26,"I'm here So listen I know it's hard but tell him so he doesn't feel guilty. I know because tomorrow morning while I'm getting ready for school I .going to take my life because I have been sexually asluted, bullied, abusied, I also have depression and I'm bipolar and as the call it I'm out for attion but I'm 16 soon to be 17 I have been trying to kill myself sense I was 10 but I am all ways uncsefull but tomorrow I'm going to take 10250mg of ahliphen and it will kill m. But I mean people could have helped but they didn't. I stay up all night and cry and cut I remember one night I cut 62 times and I was limping the next day no one asked why. So I'm sorry for everyone out their who has depression it is suicidal but do me a favor please make sure it's what you want not just an impluse 
Thank you the hybrid girl from Granbury",-0.3986980542877738,1.782370955801106,1.886865241412444,95.55125870766277,90.8232044198895,5.136776363199616,19.471775162142684,6.7026698264267655,0.17974158059092016,657,21,151,9,23,221,113,181,0.244,0.6579999999999999,0.099,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,2,0,7,10,5,0,5,0,17,2,0,1,3,28,38,19,3,2,9,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,2,5,4,21,3,13,30,2,16,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,0,9,90,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220753818106206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270858395260974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861099244938281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587429034687136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187983374456322,0.0,0.16768054930844006,0.09844761509519956,0.0,0.26295709635255565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458650887147818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718520555772504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975412946710837,0.0,0.1735107766790346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674579649691534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231910986110516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377726247789108,0.0,0.16778658898559098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782229751895572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189608866263238,0.0,0.0,0.16628227897009665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623466451479731,0.2865062597775218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068812690325415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582935758227807,0.0,0.0,0.16756555110501853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729244377814778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544915086934876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708809018580035,0.0,0.16270623127157222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697600899257628,0.0,0.14387227039305794,0.0,0.2295499215203712,0.0,0.13342417481251334,0.1405410291390469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901234087440464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364037570980468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003783366982429,0.12116768752862757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774427190036098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Clemenadeee,2018/02/26,"I got a suicidal friend Yes, it is a friend 

I got a friend Sarah who is suicidal. We use to work at a popular fast food chain together. All of us employees were close friends, and recently many of us have gone our separate ways. While working there, suicide was a popular joke among us (think r/2meirl4meirl), and Sarah made possibly the most jokes. I thought maybe she struggled with depression (as probably all of us did) but not necessarily actual suicide.

Here recently, I got invited to a friend's going away party. Sarah was there but her best friend (who also worked with us at the fast food place) Stephanie wasnt there, as she was sick.

There's a bunch of people there who we dont know so Sarah and I begin to talk and joke like old times. A couple hours in, and Sarah was completely drunk.

As people starts to leave, a couple of guys climb the roof and just chilling out. Sarah says she's going to climb the roof and jump off so maybe she'll die. Im not positive if she was joking or not, but i didnt want to wait to find out. I pull her off the fence she was attempting to climb, steal her phone, and force her to go inside, and the rest of us (all being fast food chain friends) follow.

Sarah, who at this point has little if no inner monologue at this point, begins to talk about her suicidal tendencies. She says things like she knows she's ""too much of a coward"" to actually do it, and is also scared that her sister (who she lives with) will find her body. She says she's tried starving herself but can't do it ( she mentioned earlier that night how she barely eats anymore). And says how she always acts likes she happy, but has always been this way. Her sober side also kept popping in like ""why am i saying this?"" and ""Stephanie always keeps me from talking about this when im drunk"" And she kept asking us to ""pretend like it didnt happen""

I asked if she talked about this to her boyfriend and she said yes (her bf is a combat medic at a base about 3 hours away). And i know from that night Stephanie knows. I told her, for the love of God, to talk to us if she ever was getting really down, which she agreed. But im really worried about her now.

I dont think she's going to commit suicide tonight or tomorrow. But im worried that something is going to push her over the edge. And if she struggles now, it could be anything that goes bad. I know she has people to talk to, and as of now (as far as i can tell) things are going well for her. But ive been down that way myself (thought about it alot back in middle/high school, never actually try it nor ever will), i fear she wont actually talk to anyone.

I dont know what if anything i should do. We're friends and soon she and Stephanie and i will be roommates, but we're not extremely close.",3.248245775472647,4.6478050107913695,3.8844453739334135,90.24318805420782,73.53237410071942,7.186481512464447,23.54174334950644,7.738981096181357,0.9029061067425131,2150,59,465,28,43,680,236,556,0.147,0.7140000000000001,0.139,-0.9069,1,0,1,0,0,4,81.0,11,0,0,8,31,30,0,4,21,2,44,10,1,4,7,84,82,53,7,9,22,1,0,5,9,6,2,6,0,1,28,29,6,5,12,7,0,15,15,7,1,0,25,6,73,23,66,47,9,71,0,1,0,1,88,27,0,10,31,307,101,4,0.0,0.0,0.1867180281195552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475953789266538,0.11940624216817575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743890467234396,0.033446948205102384,0.0,0.07872732625103619,0.0,0.08943747655376062,0.0,0.08988405003081118,0.0367817268236217,0.039939754041424934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050199286952197116,0.0,0.0,0.053133272269768286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015349358040797,0.0,0.0,0.038191902936005113,0.10585578198816176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411997275992286,0.0,0.04964459003228962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818479991153945,0.0,0.0,0.04894656749029333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653796759569175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382703660599869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743961150111666,0.0,0.17352476108267234,0.0,0.2956541181571929,0.0,0.02499151728199056,0.0,0.16311246588582134,0.0,0.11477269901500176,0.0,0.0,0.0473636098197603,0.04229983168972312,0.05092064408446683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053970543033787,0.0,0.0,0.09421456323947903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066775870327527,0.0,0.0,0.0425174424761976,0.0,0.0,0.15773132249091845,0.0,0.0,0.050649758474810534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684744032279458,0.04794266906107636,0.0422386812690877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317244393854165,0.045262097695727324,0.0,0.04849660779687279,0.09611223594685472,0.0,0.0,0.04818815945181565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03516381262380975,0.0,0.03689286412029432,0.0,0.0,0.08977875115020073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019419148439108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948712010141966,0.0,0.049976802110644376,0.0,0.0904380024849526,0.053926136670206334,0.0,0.0,0.05157360990799074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128792611731885,0.0,0.09446146485530332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550150036404965,0.19019930780937666,0.047890612855243715,0.04841100059936592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682528399289281,0.0,0.0,0.033857458330881086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000138720132332,0.0,0.31393863933805005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26913254075001225,0.04180940338691097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355814441657529,0.06130074720987001,0.0,0.07595039429968227,0.02789264292817029,0.0,0.0,0.04570785123995317,0.0,0.0649528810099239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603114717365489,0.04131359231838461,0.0,0.0,0.028213988306654513,0.11390624073475905,0.0,0.0,0.043008900524370015,0.0,0.043163136187359216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447211217968567,0.09715637859445912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NothingTBH,2018/02/26,"No hope tbh I have no friends and then people say you find friends by your friends introduceing you to people... when that’s impossible if you have no one...

Also everyone new that I ever speak to instantly does not like me...

I can’t even have a conversation with anyone without feeling extremely nervous and wanting to get out of there asap...

I allways feel like shit and only feel ok after cutting myself... I know I should not do it but it helps me a lot... 
I don’t really get why people are against cutting so much if it helps why do people see it in bad light?

I don’t even know what this whole post is.. tbh idc 
1 or the other will happen.. no one will care or notice it or it will get people just telling me to get help because I’m a broken bit of useless worthless shit that tbh does not deserve to live.",4.082181818181816,4.712686309090909,5.2781818181818165,83.93727272727273,70.75757575757575,7.696969696969697,28.333333333333336,7.686295010490155,1.5870606060606065,631,22,131,7,11,210,99,165,0.206,0.6559999999999999,0.138,-0.8929,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,4,0,0,8,16,4,1,4,1,14,2,2,0,1,27,29,13,0,5,11,0,3,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,11,8,0,2,0,7,16,8,14,25,4,8,0,2,1,0,14,2,2,7,7,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966227252457108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714043978418222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040563614563466,0.07597001843994049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605781974601655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706311727862624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811970914266648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462678705567374,0.1127301137920784,0.0,0.11908417575842943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904187421897836,0.08903186141220808,0.0,0.0,0.11390465512789255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888540427018553,0.0,0.2604449043867536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020514976840401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25059978990526866,0.0,0.0,0.12378037860824058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698087615561608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217705995171303,0.0,0.11004583255612856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595140480553522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161344340707034,0.0,0.0,0.12036324537351775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188596859860875,0.0,0.0,0.1688977507892297,0.09478264780913116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319951377595311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193559472352084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983772992641683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910650877635364,0.0,0.0,0.09930969584064812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558507859930079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892742069944394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350683637954712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490869102713815,0.13913895010411875,0.0,0.12013369721183845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadnessisacloud,2018/02/26,"Breakup is all my fault, lost everything. I want to die I lost the love of my life, and the little patchwork family we had created. He broke up with me five months ago. We recently reconnected, thinking it would be good for the kids. But of course, I fell back and in love and he has moved on with someone else. 

He broke up with me because I was not connecting with his young (6/7 year old) son. His wife and his sons mother had died two years before we met. There was a lot of baggage. I tried, but her pictures were everywhere. He loved me wholly and never made me feel less than. I did. And those feelings bled into how I felt about his son - whom I wouldn't let myself connect with. My ex was kind, funny, thoughtful, fun, patient, and he smelled good. He wanted my daughter to be his daughter. He loved me on good days and bad days. And then he ended it. I went into a hospital as I was found choking myself out with a towel in a car. His recent revelations, after our family reconnecting and engaging in such a postive way again, made me go back into the pit of despair. 

I fucked everything up. I loved him. And now he is gone. 

I hate myself. For what I lost. For what I lost for my daughter. I don't know how to get rid of this suffocating blanket of regret. Of feeling like such a horrible person. 

I am alone with a young daughter. Please talk to me. ",1.266223862238622,3.6187743985239886,2.8680553505535085,90.589413899139,83.61254612546125,5.8273554735547375,21.579458794587946,7.1686216300943375,0.7031593111931121,1046,34,218,15,30,343,152,271,0.165,0.648,0.188,0.8591,1,1,0,0,0,1,44.0,4,0,0,4,10,24,2,0,11,0,18,7,0,4,2,48,46,17,2,5,3,10,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,7,25,0,0,8,0,0,6,4,12,0,2,20,5,44,12,38,21,3,39,0,8,0,6,41,13,1,1,20,148,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862103829121318,0.0,0.0,0.10354305289707848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537478770530055,0.08347422652740534,0.060943304568718125,0.0,0.08507062516157607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895009241722938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751473581521665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351556111636814,0.0,0.0885474094227093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797006117447124,0.0,0.1884934333942781,0.0,0.15164977912801894,0.07142154178432432,0.09599084732150856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961647847183728,0.0,0.0924244765410589,0.05223235908505405,0.0,0.056817604638036985,0.2515606827625665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870376027800913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410767682490768,0.05494316986536794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223032615536104,0.0706146879041324,0.0488423123113677,0.10020034708731364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365343111487699,0.08499443418790273,0.4511527989543624,0.18919588699719989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979840048504833,0.10625668350863238,0.0,0.0,0.07710621586773199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049060368769997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729355821207246,0.0,0.10974157819893053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742479403513152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084707759877917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035542249516843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405938871817525,0.0,0.07936829570910453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787587496666211,0.0,0.0976602027630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179346697382526,0.07935481468844834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267702443747408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071018756871813,0.0,0.0,0.1287601298939829
suicidewatch,themostuniqueusereve,2018/02/26,"Life not worth it anymore Im 24. I have an accounting degree and keep getting fired from jobs after months weeks or days. I have social anxiety and ive tried to overcome that to communicate with coworkers, it doesnt seem to be enough. I am missing essential skills for accounting (attention to detail, communication) and that started my suicidal thoughts last april. Ive been living with siblings since early 2016.

I went to see a councilor last last year because of depression and anxiety, she gave me medication.

Then i was diagnosed with kidney failure and put on hemodialysis late last year. Waiting for a transplanted kidney that will only last 10 to 15 years on average before more dialysis. I have no time for a full time job with appointments, huge loans to pay, and im stuck mooching off siblings until i get another kidney which is estimated at 3 years plus recovery.

Nothing makes me happy anymore. Medications dont work, therapy didnt work, exercise didnt work.

Even if i stick with living my bills dont pay themselves, and ive had a hell of a time getting any job, let alone a part time office job with these restrictions.

I have a detailed plan to do this. I have almost everything i need to do it. The note is written.

Literally the only thing keeping me alive is not hurting my family, even that is very quickly going away looking at how grim my situation is.",5.511017816915832,7.2013657704280165,6.3062748310464904,73.94158713905388,68.3385214007782,9.924144992832275,33.370673766127375,10.186864033877496,3.7390902723735415,1101,51,189,29,19,362,157,257,0.175,0.7979999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9877,4,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,5,4,7,1,0,10,0,27,8,3,2,0,29,46,13,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,11,14,0,4,3,1,7,3,8,6,0,0,10,3,22,1,30,33,4,35,1,4,2,0,3,8,1,4,24,118,33,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333499507994428,0.09653604707358264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338507558953549,0.097737392417916,0.1426087182433886,0.0,0.18487586198590794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757259122552177,0.0,0.0,0.0568191255140349,0.0,0.0793136926659879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060111865757455,0.0,0.08028047028173133,0.09460481373635804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847967802890805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630944763387997,0.0,0.12312686331758048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376992096119963,0.0,0.08786881615948887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609301158266275,0.0,0.052972621556733185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992223369512326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978178340700397,0.0,0.20136266488317156,0.0,0.3699807955851941,0.1656962546145335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798874347042133,0.10514341265192048,0.0,0.0,0.09531215568746376,0.06583602322770621,0.0,0.0,0.16460988428603138,0.0,0.07827178750299173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221749502996909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779580974099688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743982520322093,0.0,0.0,0.06911303001982283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943620975704161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177875096021386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093588057957917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370043370301677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427522315518915,0.08485365071190296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771031552222193,0.1047704234739583,0.0,0.09501447662868476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597355943193538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019551304271948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659220999723217,0.0,0.061923682768383115,0.0,0.0,0.07399725347426303,0.2174028443543248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328255230657956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690689460838876,0.0,0.0,0.07476635361999039,0.0,0.0,0.08640534872608532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357101334980648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400932484191195
suicidewatch,Killmeihatelife,2018/02/26,"No hope I'm going to kill myself in the next couple of months hopefully. Things in my life are just too horrible and are not getting better. I dom't want to go into detail because I'm uncomfortable doing so/lazy, but I just wanted to say this somewhere.
Hopefully I'll be able to starve myself before doing so, not eating is so euphoric. It literally feels like meth.",3.923708920187796,5.963599704225353,5.478521126760565,76.86078638497655,73.08450704225352,7.550234741784037,24.509389671361504,8.344100000000001,1.8074769953051653,293,9,50,5,6,99,54,71,0.163,0.614,0.223,0.8045,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,13,17,4,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,5,5,8,16,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,33,8,0,0.21056710897351252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835975521700796,0.0,0.17917710073606244,0.0,0.0,0.1862294963324638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23298850102876995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546272061628746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646905713072367,0.15042918472397515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001262360173687,0.0,0.2393402811011554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6274219524396937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296130796649206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487297762772187,0.1028724532889517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680726574552572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239405092250988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745141660064294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398914307528712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24839587295650306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iminablackballoon,2018/02/26,"Idk know why I'm alive anymore I was sexually assaulted by a trusted person as a kid. I then had a 5 year long sexually/emotionally abusive relationship starting at age 13 with a guy who was 17. After that relationship ended he turned all my friends against me and spread viscous rumours that I fucked this disgusting guy and that I fucked dogs to our whole town (which was about 300 ppl), meanwhile he had a beastiality fetish that he tried hiding from me and that I pretended I didn't know because I thought I loved him at the time. I was left with no friends and my mom got cancer. So I befriended drug addicts, spent two years dating another abusive guy only he was a 30 year old meth head with two kids and illiterate. I come from a family of academics who eventually kind of sort of helped me get out but for the most part i feel like I saved myself. Moved to the city with the family, got clean(for the most part but I'm addicted to smoking weed), finished high school, college and am now in university.  
But my family still resents my past and that I'm still sick now cause I have bpd. I've come a long way with controlling my emotions, but I still can be a monster... and I hate it so so much. 
I have no real friends, some that I love and I am there for but no one I can really ever count on.
I am unattractive for the most part or at least really feel that way... 
I've been in therapy for years and it's just... not gotten better... at all. I've just gotten better at coping... but I want to die every single day, I think about it at least 20 times a day, I cry to sleep every night... It's honestly only guilt stopping me now 
I am so tired 
Edit: a word
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suicidewatch,janitette,2018/02/26,"Let me die in my sleep She woke up crying…. 
She is thinking now… About the best way to leave this world. She feels lonely.She feels defeated.Every one is telling her to get better and get help.She was feeling better. She had help.And now she has had it. The truth is that she doesn’t want to get better. Because that is not who she is….Let her go… she wants to be free..",-1.0307692307692309,1.0559950256410282,0.4091025641025645,103.7067307692308,98.74358974358977,3.1128205128205133,12.910256410256407,4.7782277997778095,-1.5594820512820515,284,5,68,1,12,89,50,78,0.059,0.732,0.209,0.8979,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,2,0,11,1,1,0,1,9,21,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,12,7,7,15,1,5,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,1,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701729709213968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145062943212602,0.5093202054525565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922462084826234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173494239538905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911828852039228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30087420714053603,0.0,0.10909553672948707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25733406124115177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032583796469475,0.0,0.3925850930534744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300773560949062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920990626372654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778187778833062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300049323257832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264464715834945,0.15236925519224706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway156644378,2018/02/26,"Why can death seem so appealing? I don't want to die. Death scares me. But I'm constantly plagued by thoughts of death. Everywhere I look I see a way to die. Every time at the train station I have to remain at the back or seated out of fear that I may follow my urges. At work looking at heights to jump from. Driving I have to force myself to not just veer off the road into a tree. I'm a male and as such view getting help as a weakness. I can't bring myself to talk to anyone unless I'm under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. Even then it's just a laugh it off she'll be right scenario. Any other men out there who have gone through similar, how did you end up getting help? I've gone to the doctor to talk about it with them, but end up not being able to talk. I'm taking more and more sick days from work because I can't stand the thought of getting out of bed. Of dealing with people. Of them putting up with me. This is my first successful step in looking for help. In opening up. I'm hoping it leads to more. 

To all who read this, you know me better than my parents, my partner, my friends. Thanks for reading. And thanks for being awesome.",1.1800449515905953,3.2106946721991747,2.525420124481329,94.84187845781466,81.5311203319502,5.178492392807746,22.489799446749654,6.21433560688645,0.28039820193637605,900,30,199,7,24,290,138,241,0.075,0.754,0.17,0.9813,1,0,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,2,6,9,10,0,2,11,0,14,5,0,3,1,31,39,13,5,2,9,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,3,11,11,1,0,4,2,0,9,5,3,0,1,5,5,23,7,52,29,4,40,0,0,5,0,19,21,0,5,8,133,34,7,0.12735278488783136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610139659005704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660426083680182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904802829330961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792643056047164,0.0,0.07763307562180856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126331890189973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762311755804685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821320106196248,0.1312951291773352,0.0,0.0,0.2643441686037406,0.0,0.0,0.13035097173224802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768879863662232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255935342028345,0.0,0.0,0.08411531332569272,0.0,0.10730021394857106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330728918056487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832621376738903,0.0,0.0,0.09839244569209656,0.0,0.19960972143460934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25608566168646435,0.0,0.0,0.12649005081638315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998976001129734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320832794061901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141019643195446,0.0,0.0,0.08829038583017502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802472388748307,0.0,0.0,0.2547744967201529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875858245041337,0.0,0.0,0.1275023545456716,0.0,0.10148368113495856,0.11593719232578695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575344498601512,0.3070840333652587,0.0,0.2344986678769031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220777151364694,0.07426043301206132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511597212372298,0.10108671285976008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491607990272767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854286883253776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sour-potato,2018/02/26,"I Don't Want To Die, I Just Want To...Fade Into Nothing... I have no want to do more or well. I have no motivation. Everything I try to do seems...too hard. I get distracted, or bored. I get sidetracked with more important things, and because of that, I'm now failing a class and borderline failing some others.

I'm a C student at best, and have no desire to do anything to change that. There are more important things.

I don't trust anyone anymore. They're all against me, or they hate me. I can't explain why or how I know, but I know they hate me, and they're lying.

I can't help but feel that there are eyes everywhere, watching me, spying on me. I feel exposed. Exposed and empty. Vulnerable.

I just want to disappear into nothing...",0.573523093447907,3.0144160408163287,2.5185248836376672,90.78618689581093,89.27210884353741,5.543716433941999,23.383100608664517,7.0608816371341465,1.0299605442176878,566,23,117,9,19,188,76,147,0.284,0.611,0.105,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,2,4,7,9,2,1,2,0,12,1,1,2,1,30,27,12,1,5,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,0,5,21,3,13,27,6,6,0,2,2,0,4,4,0,5,1,81,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676049016710886,0.1316760680821634,0.0,0.15496936682816256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479668159899095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976277382875006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992150864214868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954439722547131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924774637335974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043810781529108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967763821631976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869561043723266,0.3718493515060822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262253402999687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698889309364488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613916969687831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502197360444449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785531178432988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442984779782874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932016872983355,0.0,0.16992737347496978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fr4g_,2018/02/26,"I feel like I have lost myself I wake up and just wonder what would happen if I died today. I bought enough paracetamol and ibuprofen to kill me and just think if I should use it. I even have a stash of vodka hidden in my room with a note on it saying 'drink with the pills'.

I feel like I am getting my life back on track finally but I still want to end it all. I can't trust family cause they will overreact and my friends think I am taking the piss. What do I do?",1.7759999999999998,2.9996772000000007,3.2089999999999996,94.31950000000002,77.0,6.6000000000000005,18.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.04499999999999993,360,6,86,4,8,118,67,100,0.165,0.7440000000000001,0.091,-0.8076,0,0,2,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,0,4,0,10,6,2,2,1,22,22,7,2,5,5,0,2,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,5,6,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,19,4,9,17,2,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,3,7,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762884504596264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058679255251234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127529092664713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081749537218074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815651200738425,0.2118150953762432,0.0,0.1353975593138821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932514632019586,0.0,0.20730371474492001,0.2928975764389569,0.0,0.22456249197160671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837897375535756,0.0,0.10710166012587707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812767966784963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267970893834141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479434657523174,0.2003008412626298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237767460866881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302060728306786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637096286911489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541310640644369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627056100297274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431171416490112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705024761546792,0.0,0.0,0.12091162582562892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230881763377286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562288386518013,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,answguy,2018/02/26,"A cry for help You know how they keep saying that the first step is to acknowledge that you need help? You know how everyone here says that I should ask for help? Well, I did. A lot. It never works.

I'm drained and exhausted. I don't have any energy left to keep fighting. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm a coward who never had the courage to slit his wrists or jump off his window.

I have been going through this pain for over 5 years and I have reached the conclusion that I'll never escape. I've tried to change. I've tried to devote my life to something good for the people, turns out a year of continuous work can, in the end, be pointless effort in the face of the much more powerful evil.

I've tried taking a risk and telling a girl that I love her, and I ended up destroying her. I was simply too much to handle.

I went out of my comfort zone. I tried doing much more difficult things in my field. I got to know much more experienced people and I got to work on amazing things, but that seems so pointless now. I just can't find the energy to do that again. 

I've tried asking many friends for help. I've sought medicine but turns out that just turns you into a zombie. I searched for every single option available and none of them works. 

Sometimes I think that maybe if someone hugs me it'll stop for a while, but no one would hug me. 

I lost all hope. 

I've done everything. None of it ever worked.

And now I'm just piling distractions over distractions upon myself.

And I'm afraid that one day I'll run out of them. And one day, I'll be standing alone, with a razor in my hand, and I won't be too scared to do it.

Please, tell me how to stop this. It has become so tedious to even talk about it. It has become so tedious to explain. 

Please. Help me. ",1.887339791356187,3.7174855928961774,2.9857277694982653,93.4105141579732,78.31693989071039,5.9664182811723805,20.380526577247892,6.850034144686104,0.19049289617486398,1381,34,306,14,33,442,183,366,0.115,0.7290000000000001,0.156,0.9607,1,1,1,0,2,0,43.0,0,4,3,10,21,23,3,5,18,0,25,9,3,4,5,52,52,22,0,5,8,0,1,0,1,4,3,2,1,1,22,16,0,4,10,0,0,5,9,12,1,4,9,4,37,11,45,36,12,41,0,1,0,3,29,16,0,6,19,202,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868128283450387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822767749706448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009492163729108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052195973347433484,0.18913133024820933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057949407967887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094054623969036,0.11044159214191364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762371404725883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516759964009031,0.0,0.0,0.05655425367722398,0.07745237049792505,0.07214243494251313,0.08181799335618191,0.07695388695708359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825935106102813,0.07283225766006693,0.0,0.0,0.06615336867435352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866244451854428,0.0718178684580055,0.13696366044691366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869618880222841,0.0,0.0,0.08504456725752525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522141921648096,0.0,0.0,0.14117115490591342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303139969090653,0.0,0.060479201019127724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934693869622268,0.07279498958822664,0.07727956216515758,0.0,0.0,0.08680992492277925,0.08602143908346635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517757898991393,0.06348957046134006,0.19811695559512288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740643745980971,0.0651213815718071,0.09111063220100307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872266012173426,0.0,0.0,0.18798023938192726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803636967238779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618426839628367,0.08572518151955515,0.0,0.0,0.07794943781556275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254946229446893,0.06591801538105081,0.08468493816498128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837993178990875,0.14317203194489966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437905779699613,0.06882182580286997,0.14967938311421333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377038509876655,0.05486479884622191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906674806827056,0.27940499507259675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698681609175552,0.07937488017249453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31167871413566844,0.0,0.0,0.060825273048152675,0.0,0.0,0.11027889537201327
suicidewatch,dominkmi,2018/02/26,"This is just embarrassing Hello everyone,
I wish i can say an exactly-last ""good bye"" to you. But i cannot, not because of i'm afraid of doing this. I'm just not able to do it for some reasons, reasons made of bad life experiences which are linked to other people's bad experiences, pain.

I'm 28, i'm an illustrator with no regular place/firm/company to work, some sort of freelancer. It's not about money or career issues. I grew up in an awful family(they divorced somehow), i was into psychological abusing, violence, lack of self-confidence, withdrawal etc. You know, classic matters of who posts about comitting suicide. Same or similar problems, as you guess.

Does anyone here know the Edgar Allan Poe's Alone poem? I've never been good at enjoying the things, but I had better days when I was younger; I used to love camping, biking, drawing, music, fantasy role playing... For 2-3 years I lost all of my wishes to exist. For instance, I just eat to not die, yet I'm only 58 kg and my lengt is 194 cm. I hate myself. I made a lot of mistakes. I feel remorse, regret, very deeply. I have some friends but I'm just getting more far away from everyone I knew. My mother and sister really don't care about me, also I'm trying to pretend that I'm okay. My father always thinks that I betrayed, disappointed him. I'm undeserved to a great engineer/businessman like him. So he wouldn't help me unless I agree his new slavery, always-there-to-be-psychologically-abused contract.

In brief, do you want to hear why I'm not able to remove myself? Because he made my elder sister do it. My parents saw their daughter's pierced body, so did I.

Sorted twist of fate, she was not the last. Much to my regret, pain of losing someone due to suicide is well-known thing to me. I'm self destructive, I'm good with razor cuts on my skin. I can do it with some help of alcohol. I can fill my bathtub with 65°C water, as an artist, I know the human anatomy, also I've been reading about the fatal vessels for a long time. This could be a salvation for me, I could release in pain, I could fly away and save myself.

Last week was a strong candidate for being my miserable life's worst moments. And in the aftermath, everything is going down. I feel my strength is about to over. But if I do that, everyone I knew, everyone who loves me will face the same pain I can't endure. It sucks.

And all I can do is trying to submit a post on the Reddit. I've noone to say what I really feel inside. I'm pretending like a civil war or a stupid game concerns me, watching news, reading articles... Oh how I'm pathetic. I'm just embarrassing myself like an infected junkie, I'm searching for a fix that never could exist. I'm tired of sobbing.

Thank you for reading and sorry for my English.",2.7182053478325616,4.718943425182483,4.490610755251009,82.78649113660066,76.42700729927007,7.247192015492327,25.964695367197976,8.159919018807972,1.7774284522568151,2159,81,415,38,49,730,285,548,0.24,0.628,0.132,-0.9972,1,1,1,0,2,2,102.0,0,5,1,6,19,45,6,4,22,2,38,16,3,7,4,79,83,23,5,14,20,6,4,3,1,2,9,3,0,2,19,11,3,0,12,10,1,5,13,26,0,0,15,9,61,19,64,60,14,37,0,7,2,2,35,14,2,13,20,255,80,5,0.14858797912351815,0.17605245797521618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939768059652924,0.0,0.07694616729105155,0.0,0.1188257532217192,0.061818550882799125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194808492288031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960329760371654,0.0,0.12406475604410333,0.09057785292993624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657069963303534,0.0,0.08252387402206625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574767379305948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372708212324535,0.0,0.0,0.04791347707892748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710543165685699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501517092385607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602129883650671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285743709057929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839643633009535,0.06677064731400771,0.14534755538058705,0.0,0.0,0.11269582022112473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739935204120565,0.0,0.038815543174681166,0.0,0.042222986373609,0.1869428207698302,0.0,0.08190938577266291,0.08184320548072242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733499335600702,0.0,0.0,0.08373472575879587,0.0,0.09959539030631888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754362291801045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249010112238685,0.18167855213859035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495208392353816,0.10888887169652864,0.0,0.0,0.06574784286664688,0.0,0.08311597065306157,0.08110066584410355,0.0631620931471991,0.13410645242100258,0.21089630783055927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461463070389347,0.0,0.11460020965840854,0.07175359807389868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650392687710496,0.3162161720377902,0.0,0.082494683307438,0.0,0.0,0.0515060978764467,0.0,0.07762140642241562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423062104892179,0.0,0.0,0.07108931438814951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294228371135605,0.0,0.09518926423918106,0.15277318983195345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816312488380945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500966805995342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294905626256972,0.0,0.0,0.08316603877587625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625311323562312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839992387617475,0.0,0.0,0.09871525089363042,0.0476045886513579,0.0,0.0,0.04332142276989937,0.08539001191387215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088148425375712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641661531887474,0.0,0.06130032208447185,0.04382051993442113,0.0,0.0595941570820753,0.0,0.06679921896547948,0.0,0.06703876988863,0.0,0.17086884295166951,0.0,0.0,0.05408690923810574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784289345364417
suicidewatch,ragamuffin_77,2018/02/26,"Sigh, here I am again Can’t believe that I am back here. I feel so incredibly hopeless that things are going to get better 

In fact I am convinced that my kids will be better off without me in their lives. ",3.625,4.625247690476193,4.479523809523811,87.88214285714287,72.09523809523809,6.552380952380951,25.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.8234190476190473,161,5,34,1,3,52,32,42,0.079,0.708,0.213,0.616,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,5,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720079614790558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985493197439212,0.0,0.6257171626616893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788640297350375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848170887337772,0.0,0.2010413556264876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123631917191439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350123660730536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409974210061192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway21111101,2018/02/27,"I don't know what to do. I need to rant about things and I couldn't find anywhere else to do it.

I've been having problems feeling happy since my best friend tried to kill herself last summer and since then I've been going downhill and I don't know what to do about it.

- My best friend got a little better and immediately cut me out of her life. I felt like I was just a burden to her and this crushed me.

- I made another best friend, who I argued with today bc she has been hinting she's into me for months and generally leading me on once she found out I liked her, only to confirm she would never consider dating me. We argued and I'm not sure if I fucked up our friendship too.

- I started crying with my parents in the same room and they didn't even notice. This is a frequent occurrence.

- My friend is the only person I feel comfortable talking to about my feelings when I'm feeling down. Since she's now off the table I feel isolated. I'm considering ending my life because I don't think it would make any difference.

I don't know what to do. My parents are wonderful people but my father in particular doesn't seem to understand mental illness. Similarly my friends don't get it and most attempts to explain how I feel to them have failed. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to right now and it's terrifying. Nobody would care if I died. What should I do?",2.6485215053763445,4.456916652329749,4.127262544802869,86.17756048387098,76.02508960573476,6.657168458781363,24.528225806451612,7.492282038375204,1.1347215053763442,1082,36,220,14,24,359,149,279,0.133,0.7040000000000001,0.162,0.6434,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,2,7,10,24,5,0,6,0,29,4,0,4,2,55,58,16,2,9,5,3,8,3,5,4,3,0,1,1,13,16,0,0,18,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,9,8,47,16,30,44,5,27,0,1,0,1,28,12,1,5,16,153,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799530212468184,0.10484618760053906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991396876904979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060951786676181736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31479386627588435,0.08843130398682053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194447991216728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983217685988528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377180888928733,0.10446622993865684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352718483728852,0.0,0.08855973347779071,0.0,0.0,0.06604116342116874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35389873350976475,0.07143148225599581,0.09600420735651596,0.0,0.09138726544166936,0.0,0.0,0.1096317349262872,0.3862525935200578,0.09243734020750817,0.05223962880050472,0.0,0.0568255125293431,0.0,0.07996957694783324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643913753776256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062196186781484,0.0,0.1648524506168355,0.0815036052440957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412490321552762,0.14654733059726568,0.1002142930017648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461110966883424,0.06674279919454842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007644360532306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980950685043381,0.0,0.0,0.07413987146409426,0.07711694753405254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383705661731305,0.0,0.10648400903518973,0.0,0.15209083395005565,0.0,0.0,0.22204979147666676,0.0,0.0,0.0693191235768438,0.08730570775576517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567505930824358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538924760645837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102536461265344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24813344239191415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077205578903964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423755296732088,0.0,0.0,0.16073321277408967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642761690110373,0.06406830452316821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477697925161906,0.0,0.0,0.06788532195135925,0.0,0.0,0.10409108538162576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843277404494188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130859238512776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jameslackey43,2018/02/27,What would happen if I died If I killed myself would I be able to watch my friends and family's reaction to my death from above?,3.1133333333333333,4.2203160740740735,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,73.44444444444444,8.362962962962964,20.907407407407405,8.841846274778883,0.9907185185185179,102,2,23,2,2,33,21,27,0.35200000000000004,0.557,0.091,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,16,7,0,0.3630432131350847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767815381028013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422448313252085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804862859005386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210379144067319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40165352600697984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157909647850355,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiserableParsley,2018/02/27,"Waves of Suicidal Feelings I don't always want to die, but when I do I really want it done as soon as possible. When I feel like this I become physically ill. I'll throw up for hours on end. It makes me feel better for a little bit, like I'm getting the bad mojo out my body but the feelings always return.

I think I would have killed myself already, except I feel too guilty about leaving the people who care about me. Everything must come to an end I guess.",3.3225835866261413,4.51446621276596,4.710972644376903,85.20500000000001,73.04255319148936,7.499088145896658,23.003039513677805,7.957251820313856,1.0670656534954408,360,9,74,5,7,120,66,94,0.237,0.629,0.134,-0.8858,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,5,0,6,2,1,1,1,17,20,6,3,4,3,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,5,13,4,13,17,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,9,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820666224435856,0.0,0.2745638444854422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775677324270497,0.0,0.18221454389598446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591708527959427,0.18012244480133768,0.18326272445538166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682146558796032,0.0,0.0,0.14212119609174415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122986097290405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883839466089304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922580036622061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482791602481302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41711046839881305,0.1178663348620233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619859740837528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175114768058825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624783944698319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253303429821244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746968017323153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120806676818927,0.1653597411653244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012971971239063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438081324659115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185997404326221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569452846282396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046837038004696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571663916908246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462653602728447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720162250508773,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2948592,2018/02/27,"welp every day i find it harder and harder to keep myself from jumping off my balcony. im not interested in the things i used to pour my heart and soul into. im failing all my classes. not sure if i’m isolating myself from my friends or if they’re doing it to me. i actually self harmed for the first time in 4 years a month ago and i’ve been doing it ever since. i haven’t had a low point this bad since i was 14 LIKE EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE ITS GOING WRONG 

i honestly don’t know what to do at this point. maybe dropping out of college will help me because that seems like my only option at this point, there’s no way i can bounce back based on how i’m doing now...",0.8373526473526454,2.72493341958042,2.8341308691308704,92.93603146853148,81.93706293706295,5.484315684315685,19.305194805194805,6.5431188927421005,-0.009828771228771238,521,13,118,5,14,175,98,143,0.14800000000000002,0.733,0.118,-0.5403,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,0,0,4,0,11,1,1,2,3,21,19,7,0,2,5,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,1,16,7,16,15,1,25,1,2,0,0,3,12,0,5,12,73,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.1567998131895632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243249976259176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355245934882292,0.1341604993498032,0.09794860657117983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362485230227933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534362096112807,0.13537923567850482,0.0,0.14440818925839713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081244279184477,0.11478932011393897,0.0,0.0,0.14685796424504075,0.13667372583995446,0.0,0.0,0.12414042436783244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131774593438304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040573765282764,0.1076999441459778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471224215848635,0.0,0.0,0.14281913974149493,0.0,0.0,0.08830513814439228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354993612408311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142394811548147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825267992000927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220384397261652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556816083918144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462763950433472,0.16762354704165813,0.0,0.0,0.2658311456902768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143833352852032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674818357457304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369338878621644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387753206897548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275397449884493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567758470491354,0.0,0.10347219759652933
suicidewatch,StuckOnTheWallAgain,2018/02/27,I'm gonna do it. I can't take living anymore My best friend ignores me constantly because i constantly ask for help. I'm a dick to everybody who i consider a friend constantly because i'm always in such a bad mood. All of my friends hate me. This is it. I'm gonna fucking do it. My own fucking mother told me she hates me and that I'm the reason she wants to kill herself. I'm gonna do it. Nobody that's close to me fucking cares. I have no reason not to.,-0.2375067506750668,1.7018383366336636,2.5948694869486957,92.81248424842484,86.42574257425741,5.652925292529253,23.043204320432054,6.980632752743323,0.7610910891089113,356,14,82,5,11,125,58,101,0.202,0.623,0.175,-0.4535,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,14,6,0,4,0,6,4,1,2,1,8,25,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,15,5,7,21,3,5,0,0,0,4,11,2,4,0,3,47,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271049665118676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149259235322465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280594451160292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754461595343328,0.1862368948958953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603076666124043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574460098671833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952238825000898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540559887677843,0.4236605065608943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016292266855637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238891537283998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690015322684922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488606803280814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141165701913066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148532640691284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596460274667475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009926048504334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chaotic_Angel,2018/02/27,"I don't know how to deal with this I want to cry, scream even, for help, but I have nowhere to scream. My best friend, whom I care about more than anything else in this world, by far, was violated today. It's happened before, a few times this past summer. This time my emotions about it feel different; this time in addition to the deep despair and sadness, I have this intense fiery of rage built up inside me. Why does this keep happening to her? Why can't I do anything about it? How much more can she take? She says she's fine, but I know she's hurting. I'm not a violent person by any means, but right now I want nothing more than to track down the asswipe that hurt my friend, and rip everything inside of him out. ",4.746864535768643,4.928175726027399,4.961324200913244,88.38588280060888,69.13698630136986,8.40669710806697,27.86605783866057,8.167268648758528,1.4980404870624042,560,17,124,7,9,176,93,146,0.201,0.622,0.17600000000000002,-0.7485,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,7,14,3,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,18,19,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,12,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,4,18,5,22,18,6,16,0,4,0,0,13,9,0,0,7,79,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616687293510424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569467202427145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328465203041269,0.0,0.1638381837046088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917462393834447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149035889990752,0.0,0.16095274252886282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311204764661022,0.0,0.0,0.13662156029193073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041812804929673,0.17561385342047928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311570926716404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031048273987834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789389029165779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412356662047279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27611259106745395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046438656407526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33425912398717444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876652386913066,0.0,0.0,0.17159880786651244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006031896295262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114766076217384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498012367857894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903409213507002,0.0,0.13631785861939846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333255256964039,0.0,0.12415279588746507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173827214585366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731042749924524,0.0,0.14798339295454274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841671019601217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817478201499471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im_so_donex,2018/02/27,I think tonight is the night I ruined my life. I ruin everyone’s life. I’m a waste of space. It’s better this way yeah. Stop being such a burden to everyone and honestly it will be nice to just leave. I don’t want to do this anymore I’m tired of always feeling like this. I’m exhausted of trying to only have life smack me back down. I’m ugly and useless nobody wants me. I don’t have anything to offer this world.  I just want to rest.,-1.0366869300911823,1.060126000000004,1.7158054711246216,94.72000000000004,97.51063829787232,4.387841945288755,16.288753799392094,6.18269132825596,-0.2962012158054712,340,9,75,4,14,117,58,94,0.262,0.5710000000000001,0.16699999999999998,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,1,9,5,0,0,0,10,18,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,9,4,10,15,1,8,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697234257934705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092802026477095,0.0,0.0,0.1750230025499586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635429163976692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881040706774438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064624442402251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754076793358792,0.1519433953939992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225204467847017,0.0,0.0,0.450680642427535,0.10390796090476112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959202655236705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175779214448993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778155747410742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362810265017254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445203301394594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440028386557127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37634431518180256,0.16882077428452852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worthlessnothing000,2018/02/27,Please let me die Nothing. Worthless useless rejected failure worth nothing deserves nothing am nothing.,8.702000000000002,12.776865866666668,6.026666666666667,60.76000000000002,90.33333333333334,4.666666666666667,65.0,6.42735559955562,7.725000000000001,88,9,6,1,3,25,12,15,0.268,0.298,0.434,0.3485,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422331107904405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406289717043033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9031772718491946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583089001896062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,caingrain,2018/02/27,"Repost from today's post (mistake caused trouble) Note: I reposted this so you guys can give me advice how to deal in this kind of situation. What I can expect from the police and what I can do to defend myself in case she sues me. 

From here on is my previous post, after this comes the edit.

""We have met in a game only about a week ago and I already know a lot about you. You are depressed and suicidal, the things you went through must be unbearable. We have been talking on snapchat and you were telling me things that really made me sad. I sometimes bug you and call you to make sure you are alright and spam you but that's only because I care. Yesterday at night I wrote to you for the last time as I didn't get any response anymore after calling and messaging several times. Today I really got anxious and took action. I live in another country but I still took measures and called the institutions you said you were going to. I even called your school and the police. Sadly they wouldn't tell me if you were alright or not because of security reasons. I kept calling your school and they told me if I called one more time I would get reported. I called the police and they told me they'd send a unit to your school to make sure you were ok. About an hour/1,5  ago I saw your snapchat location showed you were online at that moment. I still try to reach for you. And I am very sorry if I vexed you and caused you trouble. The police told me they would contact your parents, and I know your father is an asshole and tells you to kill yourself, so I hope he didn't flip out or anything. I wanted to come visit you in London but you refused and didn't feeI comfortable with it which is understandable, I asked for your phone number you didn't give it for the same reason. But thank god I know your first name and I knew which school you are going to, I dug and found your surname as well, and gave it to the police. I  just hope everything is alright and may god be with you. Don't leave me please, I am dying from inside...""

Edit: she screenrecorded our snapchat conversation and blocked me. My guess is that she is going to report me to the cops, my selfie was there too. Did I bring myself in danger? Will this have a bad end for me?

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suicidewatch,recognisethegenocide,2018/02/27,"I opened up to my friend about my suicidal tendencies and his only reason that i should stay alive is to continue writing music for his shitty band. Recently i told my good friend of 2+ years that i often thought about suicide and on occasion had attempted it. The other night was one of my worst nights in a while and i was on the edge of ODing, and all he had to say for why i should remain alive is he needs someone to write songs for him. he wasnt even fucking joking.he even said suicide is what pussies do and ""is what the system wants you to do"" whatever the fuck that means. he has never done something so cunty and i dont know what to do.",4.019791144527986,4.7438463007518825,4.7237092731829575,87.51675856307438,70.95488721804512,8.01637426900585,26.807852965747706,8.167268648758528,1.4946414369256469,510,16,109,7,9,164,82,133,0.16399999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.097,-0.9217,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,1,6,6,2,0,5,0,17,2,0,1,2,20,26,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,3,15,3,18,15,2,14,0,0,0,2,16,5,2,1,7,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650585342367044,0.1906915087623935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493300930353604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141420282717464,0.3008401832067979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647099542276478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941956669300999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772357305089401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064525257929755,0.12548974566129387,0.0,0.0,0.3053791814832241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025454147219446,0.1237460809854982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728999705167413,0.1606536315645463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547717111166459,0.12939121605808473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786119734954158,0.12525987429723495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342411913274067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339254750637978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291712623946053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547360617281947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596886284426943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681784977263207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477803747643794
suicidewatch,Needed_,2018/02/27,"I’m going to do it I can’t even think anymore. My sister is accusing me of physically assaulting her, and even though I’ve had a great track record they’re siding with her and they’ve been telling me how much of a piece of shit I am. My dad just came in here telling me I’d grow up to abuse children, I just don’t wanna go on. I think I’m gonna kill myself tonight. I just want someone to know that I wasn’t a bad person, I had a wonderful laugh and I never did such a thing. This might be goodbye ",0.6262162162162177,2.1396395945945947,2.665126126126129,95.72525675675676,80.98198198198199,5.881441441441443,21.009909909909908,6.742157984588678,0.13542450450450438,389,11,96,4,10,131,74,111,0.188,0.698,0.114,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,5,0,12,1,1,1,1,17,23,5,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,6,0,16,2,11,14,2,10,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,2,2,63,20,0,0.0,0.2492625808166125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863765231895876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565617450390866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406154716270738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27790431291604123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391244217618829,0.0,0.0,0.2319416056511029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327512017788401,0.0,0.11561780725815315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231769635228283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465144828043376,0.0,0.16225586595105146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836932563769577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594917255589327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782519188250942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677578910284912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976526364187228,0.26960243014888524,0.2066945308159271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408592322087646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281450992645659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skaterboy7373,2018/02/27,"Being a Young Adult I’m not sure what the average persons young adult years are like but I’m sure like everything else there’s similarities between them all. I’ve gone through so many friend groups so many fights and break ups since I was young to my now 20s. I don’t know where else to put this I’ve been depressed for years and haven’t had any form of happiness and it’s upset the people I’ve gotten close to because I can come off as a very funny, caring, humble, and free spirit but at the end of the day I’m a mess. Suicidal for almost two years now with multiple attempts and I’m just trying to find happiness. Recently lost all my friends and a great girl because I messed up and let them go and I’m afraid of getting close to people and wasting their time and I feel like I’ve been hurt enough and just want to be numb. I don’t talk to my family cause if I do eventually kill myself id like to imagine that they’d not be affected as much because I was quite. I was a smart kid and I do pride myself in my sense of humor and caring nature but now I drink and drive, I try and get my hands on drugs that’ll kill me and all this sh*t. Just curious about other young adults here that may have similar experiences and what’s happened. More to note is I’ve helped others through times of suicide and they’ve said I’ve helped sooo much which makes me happy but it’s temporary because I’m the guy that makes them happy and starts their life and I leave them so they don’t see how bad I am. ",1.9285238095238104,3.707321225396825,3.1073412698412715,92.82196428571432,78.01587301587301,6.404761904761906,20.77380952380953,7.310402129719878,0.3909523809523807,1186,30,267,15,28,382,167,315,0.177,0.609,0.214,0.9183,0,0,2,0,1,3,14.0,0,0,8,4,15,31,3,2,10,0,24,5,1,5,5,51,48,31,4,2,10,0,2,4,2,2,3,1,0,7,13,24,1,0,4,1,1,5,6,12,0,1,10,4,31,20,29,31,8,31,1,3,1,0,23,9,0,3,20,155,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932484760822118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745286661421819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281983250247349,0.24186216447882314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022624266883038,0.1018958538269718,0.0,0.08544373810666878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396959576299398,0.0,0.0854325376009229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716882006852236,0.11502936158791073,0.0,0.1657216861000052,0.0,0.08785324431259127,0.1024901881794024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914592673945265,0.097027234607909,0.09350787201607087,0.0,0.050153641544659684,0.0708616344675463,0.0,0.0,0.09065821951598424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326849859321046,0.0,0.1036457697326013,0.0,0.056372184506185086,0.0,0.0,0.10935775519779213,0.0,0.09821408083576444,0.08771373433577367,0.4223600585641616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132970455207369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618536404794678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947894061240655,0.0,0.05451244431610025,0.0,0.0,0.10502830109629006,0.0,0.10142889417586327,0.07006110589733512,0.1938376571040368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827802794630922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242071116249166,0.20112697391723144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458326993517152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753225444515166,0.086609222635866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997137385650991,0.0,0.10550118939963353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793854375192587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943527753038557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904189864302062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205131565068839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020746860420596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169963749156172,0.0,0.1869715374953122,0.0,0.0,0.07972547825322389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567742820681375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346875276251218,0.0,0.09689459814688653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184245984538707,0.05850506198311348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916260773134928
suicidewatch,BrownSwitch,2018/02/27,"Anyone free to talk? Just want to rant to someone. I can’t handle the pain anymore, I’m exhausted. ",-0.7964999999999982,0.9191663500000048,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,110.5,4.0,20.0,5.985473137389443,0.4215000000000004,77,3,15,1,4,26,17,20,0.331,0.484,0.185,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773386827420266,0.3365491321571761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121568890911575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078196585443336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868656308630397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838941604199557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Endless_Tyranny,2018/02/27,"This place is nothing. You know, it's funny. I can think of a million reasons to live. Well, okay maybe not a million, but at least several, and some would say that even if you've got ONE good reason, you should  continue on and 'be strong' or whatever, but...see, here's the deal: each and every reason I can think to go on is already summed up in a tidy way for me. Like, as one might imagine, you get out what you put in, if you're lucky, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less, and the journey is worth more than the destination or whatever blah blah blah.  I was at the park the other day and I found a soccer ball. So, I picked it up, and I took it out and ran around in the rain with it and kicked it about. I could almost believe in something, for a short period of time. Rosebud, whoopty dick. I don't know if it was the smell of the wet grass, or the asshole that drove by on a green John Deer tractor, but the thoughts that went through my mind, they related to something, someone who just isn't there, except in my head. She's so far gone, man it's just like who gives a flying fuck. I'm ALREADY DEAD.  I'm  tired of carrying around the platonic love refuse bin; Everything's gone, and I don't want to  build it again. I build it again, I'll just end up where I am  now, eventually. Honestly, I don't want to put anyone else through this kind of nightmare, either. A fucking soccer ball, man, but it could be anything. Everyone goes away eventually, and I think it's time for me to do likewise, you know? I just don't see the point in continuing forward, the place is meaningless, pointless, nothing. Sure, it can be nice, sure it can feel nice, or seem nice, or be exciting or whatever, but it's also terrible, because it's empty, and at the end of the day I've been abandoned by everybody who ever meant anything to me, so I guess the only person I have to rely on is myself, and frankly I'm just not that expansive or capable of fooling myself that even I want me around anymore. I'm tired of people telling me to shut up and  go away. I'm tired of my limitations, especially the ones I fought against. I'm tired of everything. Isolation has made me even more mad than I ever was sick to begin with, and all the terrible doctors and drugs have done more harm than good. I'm tired of people and their stupid fuck-all holy wars, and government, and all the social circles. Happiness can fuck off, everyone can fuck off. I can fuck off. It's easy, all I have to do is stop breathing. If, in the next 500 million years, anybody I wanted to talk to ever came looking for me, I'd be pretty fucking surprised. But what would I even say? Oh it's so nice that you're married and have children and oh look at the happy family and the happy dog, what a wonderful illusion we've got going on...it was  great to see you, now if you don't mind, because I could never trust or love anyone ever again, I'll just be  getting back to living in my memories of all the fun times we had back when I couldn't have imagined this terrible outcome...I don't rate that good with anybody. There isn't going to be justice for what happened, either. HAHAHA the idea even, it's almost worth living to laugh at how naive I have been. Look at me, I'm a terrible human being. Who cares if I ever helped anybody, it doesn't make any difference, hasn't, and won't. At the very least, I'm accidentally in someone's head for a micro-second. Probably when they look at the shit they take, you know, right before they flush it down the toilet. Hey that shit looks like that guy I used to date, or know.  Plus, I don't pay any dues, so fuck me. This place is nothing to me. Furthermore, I can't do anything to change it. To believe otherwise, is just to succumb to the whole idea that any of it was  ever worthwhile to begin with. When a soccer ball makes a 34 year old man cry, it's time to let that man die if he wants. You can't replace what's missing, I can't replace what's missing. No-one can  replace what's missing. Maybe it was  there at one point, now all I have are tears and insane laughter.",4.045222902097901,4.603701004807693,5.017088286713289,86.03586625874128,70.80288461538461,8.070139860139859,27.867657342657342,8.121257012390899,1.622705480769231,3164,106,677,42,55,1037,323,832,0.163,0.664,0.173,0.9263,0,1,3,0,0,0,133.0,1,9,5,2,46,53,13,0,43,1,71,23,6,9,14,135,145,56,3,19,33,0,2,6,0,5,8,2,0,8,51,36,0,5,21,6,3,15,19,23,1,7,24,13,64,30,97,103,17,103,0,4,8,10,42,50,10,24,42,439,115,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896485230399442,0.0,0.1090623359522653,0.03951751034327143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081258329669876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490068391827143,0.06910485067736441,0.0506319589881472,0.12199409251281243,0.13197065761208504,0.0,0.0,0.0928548670205492,0.07599484784726135,0.0,0.060246388396144775,0.0,0.042048900702521916,0.1113485603468298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565181001216119,0.05038233550282003,0.0,0.05227498436255293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836262608890613,0.0,0.054280541607818436,0.0637377428617059,0.050945149883496674,0.0,0.0,0.051285426103494125,0.05162861834224702,0.0,0.05057879781198442,0.0,0.05056915285461819,0.0,0.0,0.057306223237679074,0.0,0.04128026013477228,0.0,0.08753482695605659,0.0,0.0,0.1631921637811391,0.2681945730273199,0.04163464034341994,0.094437143124415,0.08882282415445067,0.0,0.04658447994721771,0.0,0.024985931755730658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418148050361669,0.0,0.36547023174461424,0.051635056788507466,0.04740379382561465,0.11233573568043137,0.12434198232411114,0.07904408476605396,0.054480698194144965,0.054436679447360345,0.04892905571032303,0.043697911311233406,0.15781096757799976,0.0,0.0,0.10142899771626936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033122128493713814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156803612322898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051458577586168085,0.13578717034009447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053063645798609,0.0,0.07242566525971261,0.09905450764068713,0.13090421930320442,0.0,0.20748262436743029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089198729685439,0.04675808512374772,0.06597038121758557,0.0,0.09928890481496593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052421973881920866,0.09979101737543036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811223449235807,0.0,0.052553882147860616,0.0,0.0,0.14224634524789176,0.0,0.051853192795489965,0.0,0.13394072691094072,0.037582669653017854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851688966031312,0.04314765707031802,0.15488585502674104,0.0,0.09342712852242163,0.0,0.0,0.050273268705457536,0.053278203286729914,0.0,0.0,0.09935233375537897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242191054561635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220051664345675,0.0,0.0785942842049784,0.0,0.0,0.07875541733412507,0.04498596160510571,0.0,0.055825382824729895,0.10144848020919968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037281910308712,0.08373908566146038,0.07608484145923307,0.09774626946854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041313521383167184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931469367376244,0.0,0.03715426183163988,0.039718259681188584,0.043191273539291385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499025792365176,0.0,0.03923034042434565,0.1152581642264275,0.2839789008298694,0.0,0.0,0.05490237322099608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267907509229718,0.0,0.040772914058435084,0.145732537165142,0.03922367699501425,0.0,0.0,0.04443041604735717,0.045808608912594334,0.0,0.05517057518968212,0.0,0.0,0.05358893788207659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070206623027574,0.0,0.0,0.06364384775676196
suicidewatch,punkidmax,2018/02/27,"Im trapped I don't know what to do. After years of trying to get better, I still feel like shit. Everyone's lives would be better off without me in it. My mind is always filled with self hate and suicidal thoughts. Maybe im just not cut out for life",1.2881132075471695,3.1522978113207567,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,80.32075471698113,5.749433962264153,20.033962264150947,6.742157984588678,0.07467849056603804,196,5,45,2,5,63,46,53,0.236,0.606,0.157,-0.7956,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,3,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,11,10,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,4,3,10,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668212433033098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755911948509408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028979417409897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736441103559673,0.15169422229995466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093777720769213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963969384290154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587226906904447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669534450249815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998052264005346,0.10373756147379304,0.0,0.18749823627369386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332193836204025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144007258144128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151471567568334,0.0,0.21796178014492054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695733034683803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322631744389804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857255657155149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416348077572064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468613686728152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083873609045684,0.0,0.0,0.13673863150764282
suicidewatch,exalzia,2018/02/27,"Losing everything My fiancé if 7 years is leaving me. 

I'm about to lose the love of my life, my home and my beautiful cats. 

The things I essentially live for are all going to be gone in the next few days. I don't want to go through this. I don't want to carry on without them. 

I have nowhere to go. I want my cats. I want my fiancé. I want a hug. 

I keep having panic attacks but I'm alone so they last for ages. 

I don't want to die, I don't want to kill myself but what do I do? It's all gone. They're all gone. I've got nothing. ",-2.0006508264462823,-0.1784600165289234,1.012267561983471,101.27476497933884,95.44628099173552,4.016735537190082,15.000516528925619,5.602791699666715,-1.0307152892561984,402,9,106,3,16,140,70,121,0.158,0.701,0.141,0.7879,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,2,2,7,2,1,4,0,11,3,0,0,3,16,29,5,2,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,5,0,0,4,0,21,2,15,24,4,13,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,1,5,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909340681770592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475330170206727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990656009172678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942270080898174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805456633633226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618999354231473,0.0,0.12285577437680552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540831349071443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653543128540827,0.16994646348094852,0.0,0.0,0.1252124735297371,0.0,0.1626505785650558,0.0,0.0,0.10849913109288337,0.0,0.0,0.13564025087422296,0.0,0.0,0.3437001061310515,0.0,0.0,0.13863882466810726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633657447459143,0.0,0.0,0.1473927277368749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022798091340875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205151291114832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6342212010331939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807434729480098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891966266189776
suicidewatch,kinda_sober2,2018/02/27,"Regressing... The day I lose the battle is the day I finally decide to do it. In such a way that there will be no return. The time I do decide to do it will be unannounced. But like my choice to use, once I resolve to kill myself - no amount of psychiatric help or medication will reverse my decision. If I lose the battle, I lose the battle. Nothing will change my mind at that point. My demons will have won. 

I retain hopeful optimism but it's being consumed by cynical nihilism.. And in this, I regress further into my defense. 

But today is not the day I lose the battle..

I'm gonna go use again.",1.3188846153846183,3.631333683333336,3.3500000000000014,87.48576923076925,83.0,6.0256410256410255,23.39743589743589,7.321109707123232,1.1275512820512819,462,17,92,7,13,156,72,120,0.189,0.7020000000000001,0.11,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,6,3,15,7,0,9,0,14,1,0,2,0,18,21,6,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,1,0,15,4,10,11,1,16,1,4,0,0,1,6,0,3,9,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908163670734488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092363014882827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750887375291906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090836517127575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713238397369867,0.0,0.0,0.15874977853509795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768310268860829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808610671087249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7152469249802633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101447112406125,0.0,0.0,0.1613853045799825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533636350377731,0.0,0.0,0.17021644117232004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109341491027328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319964075038788,0.0,0.15150256136526635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27608799726129146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268676324798303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lostsoul122,2018/02/27,It’s so hard Continue to live when I wanted to die ,0.2700000000000031,1.3330926666666691,3.84,88.905,80.66666666666666,8.133333333333335,20.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.099733333333334,40,1,10,1,1,15,11,12,0.411,0.589,0.0,-0.6801,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5984810514371195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165732416435117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092005062545403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401284485584143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,koalablade,2018/02/27,Family burden Anyone else not killing them selves because of what it will do to their family members even though they want to end it all and have felt that way for a considerable amount of time ,17.05567567567568,8.349177810810811,14.148108108108108,59.528648648648655,54.67567567567568,18.043243243243246,47.81081081081082,13.023866798666859,5.631129729729729,157,4,30,3,1,48,33,37,0.071,0.81,0.118,0.2302,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,5,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344056657772788,0.2981149462743272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773617809666758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430532568401857,0.0,0.2576973196044637,0.0,0.0,0.1921712061324521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5485677431494725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793597714781931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218955381101294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858590920816561,0.0,0.16965658707814682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161116557855513,0.23094434017035714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thatdarkokid,2018/02/27,"I can’t do this anymore. Things haven’t been good for me for a while. I’ve struggled with mental health issues for nearly my whole life. I started going downhill again last June, I went to my psychiatrist 2/3 times and each time he kept telling me to wait and ‘see how I feel’. By then Christmas/New Year was around the corner, I don’t do well with this time of year because it’s the anniversary of one of my best friends passing away, which I have a lot of guilt over. I saw my therapist and we agreed I should be referred to the crisis team. I asked my care coordinator to refer me because I’d almost taken an overdose four nights in a row and needed help, and guess what? They essentially said there wasn’t much they could do to help me. Ever since then I’ve given up reaching out because what’s the point if I’m just gonna be told to wait and see how I feel? 

Honestly, I think I’m done and I think this is the end for me, there’s no point and no hope left. The only reason I haven’t attempted yet is my kitten but as each day passes, I’m getting closer to attempting, I just don’t see things getting any better anymore, at this point I’m just a burden and everyone will be better off without me. I’m just done. ",4.23490157480315,4.465893149606302,5.095738188976379,86.80376476377954,70.25984251968504,7.767322834645669,26.50492125984252,7.413659706084162,1.1529614173228349,956,27,209,9,16,312,142,254,0.054000000000000006,0.826,0.121,0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,2,6,13,12,0,2,11,0,22,2,0,3,1,43,53,17,0,5,7,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,10,16,0,3,7,1,0,4,9,3,1,2,12,7,29,9,29,34,6,36,0,0,4,0,12,15,0,5,17,137,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540253952666987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837144776037089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285867583973375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259365607672112,0.1077397496098842,0.0,0.10827770882400536,0.0,0.0,0.21075925613071164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094389992261093,0.20385200460103145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750130129937973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920148067231482,0.0,0.0,0.07432434059866579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358739906248409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207403024991732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424689201627603,0.0,0.1101227949972013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654400162975848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903901890120948,0.0,0.12042288839463194,0.0,0.06549713800055494,0.09666314316592008,0.0,0.0,0.12695681154209332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250144617878415,0.0,0.0,0.15449435445876847,0.0,0.0,0.11446559688839565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028721337670295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939411303586354,0.0,0.0,0.12521546100336287,0.0,0.08140188218048876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797829776085548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161411816623492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471930366105235,0.08545368403179314,0.0,0.1113056114387011,0.0,0.10815086183023592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809388723225959,0.0876500175401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32683506238315857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184924084794568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096256389378337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27550918180293943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533294463177293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157193658753416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048047354895625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073036104807293,0.0,0.0,0.13380985704865192,0.1531290646599253,0.14769037342685398,0.0,0.0,0.20160316329358352,0.0,0.0,0.1101227949972013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103620279820992,0.10683449078383676,0.0,0.12866839763432708,0.0,0.11109333734779354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842969974467665
suicidewatch,foreverajohn,2018/02/27,Have you ever felt so bad that... Have you ever felt like such a piece of shit that you don’t even consider killing yourself because you feel sorry for whomever finds your dead body?,6.832857142857144,6.867877,5.732142857142858,85.13535714285717,64.71428571428571,8.142857142857144,31.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.8407142857142853,145,5,28,1,2,43,28,35,0.38,0.5670000000000001,0.053,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,2,6,6,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,5,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881991742158527,0.15975720204783475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911039021009079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309667301799686,0.4741198682265472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251192823731506,0.0,0.5032621482805706,0.0,0.23952987477345045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899448248651642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803557686328365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690140568038429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293369145557314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frogpuppeteer,2018/02/27,"im scared of myself last year i lost my grandfather, i had gotten raped, and i had two other losses in the family.

two weeks  I lost my aunt who I was so close with. she raised me as if I were her child because my parents were always away 
 i can't bear this. it hurts. it always hurts I need to die I need to make it go away 

i don't want to be a burden on anyone ",-1.0212737127371272,0.7425296097561009,1.7779674796747995,98.54331978319786,88.26829268292684,4.620054200542006,12.769647696476964,5.82211442006289,-1.196622222222222,276,3,70,2,9,96,57,82,0.334,0.6659999999999999,0.0,-0.9799,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,1,8,1,1,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,8,16,4,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,8,0,17,0,10,7,0,9,0,5,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,48,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001801630659203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612544600630085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389447022033327,0.0,0.0,0.10995758665638132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872053025952093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004561192804815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251374994853472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861996817601065,0.0,0.19484066740680536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470332573521954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938107695858592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040462677678725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749802707233145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028993832487685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805912117554944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35240885883015016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639242291918584,0.0,0.1446894462520554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615839706181474
suicidewatch,BrockSlaughter,2018/02/27,I’m a burden Everyone I know hates me. The people I’ve  confided in are tired of dealing with my bullshit. My anxiety has gone through the roof and I can barely be in public without wanting to bawl my eyes out. People think I’m a fucking pussy because I can’t handle any sort of stress. I’m so tired I just want to end it.,-0.326666666666668,1.8994392318840603,2.2782608695652202,92.38376811594203,91.46376811594205,4.8057971014492775,22.159420289855074,6.42735559955562,0.568750724637682,253,10,54,3,9,87,51,69,0.281,0.6970000000000001,0.022,-0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,4,0,5,4,1,0,0,10,15,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,8,0,10,13,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622756672698002,0.0,0.18255026673232694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454658122707796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601566355581506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135415821805048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280199045757897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206083449017267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23559639183712405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114406725656289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308701243025089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733483162825543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290360572672468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5485370668907817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28149872491763184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300295064404575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sophia-revenge,2018/02/27,"I think I’m a spawn of Satan I think I might be going insane but everyday I think about extreme violence and murder.I cut myself just to draw blood and I feel the pain I want to inflict on others. I love no one and fear nothing I feel like I’m a danger to people near me. I also feel extremely superior to those around me not in a cocky way but that I’m mentally superior even when I’m in school I just feel like what ever they are teaching me is bullshit, I am very clever but these feelings aren’t normal. I lie very impulsively and I’m good at it I try to get everything I want. I have lots of friends but i don’t need them I just use them in different ways. I feel no remorse and have virtually no empathy at all I have hurt people in the past mostly mentally but I’m scared I’ll do it physically. All it would take is someone to do me wrong in the slightest way possible and I would use it as a chance to inflict as much pain as possible. I often fantasise about someone breaking into my house so I would have an excuse to kill someone in self defence staking them and turning the predator into prey. I feel like a genuine danger to myself and others all I ask is if anyone know why I feel this way they could help me or just tell me what to do thanks",2.826396226415092,3.9768057811320787,4.76165094339623,84.52360849056606,74.20754716981132,7.715094339622643,26.45754716981132,8.238735603445708,1.6303999999999998,992,35,210,16,20,341,133,265,0.243,0.61,0.147,-0.9871,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,5,0,13,21,5,2,10,0,20,4,1,2,4,54,50,21,1,9,12,0,8,3,1,4,2,0,0,1,12,11,0,1,12,0,0,1,6,11,0,1,0,8,39,10,30,44,6,23,1,1,0,1,12,13,0,6,7,147,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796798055086681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966862302112978,0.0,0.0,0.08869820188602716,0.09314730001337662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955216935762809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040996315926046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065809408323892,0.09012752081996024,0.0,0.0,0.08954745999784762,0.0,0.0,0.11211951232895437,0.4030363584052973,0.2135424335116513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697942715217515,0.0,0.05205630676880227,0.0,0.05662609747512834,0.08357092743684921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667846919881074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496791181480105,0.10666364675563172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023376150601744,0.0,0.054757980597901344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460330590566264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470795532174767,0.08992643224759972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082165647094535,0.10569928740470716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324478127723841,0.07387969595789265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097623267530616,0.09560454783390908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751672219003133,0.0,0.2120419387508774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511494895589644,0.1381517305814329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246518674065096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975418483034758,0.10083813118466804,0.0,0.0,0.10394329400911996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532667417944363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491474869866811,0.0,0.08708727461289559,0.09173251561203027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915304180558915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764709523672423,0.10837662488019427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210904093420978,0.0,0.16442219329998406,0.11753716382166172,0.3163493779996897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990704458316093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233815160663191,0.10893759952029154,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CountKatula,2018/02/27,"Tomorrow's the Big Day I've been planning for a week. Tomorrow I get paid, and I'll have the money to do what I've been planning. 

I feel quite liberated and free, knowing that I'll never be in this much pain again. 

Everyone says that I'll just transfer my pain to the people who love me, but that's just people trying to guilt you into doing what you don't want to do. Most people are resilient. 

And if the people who say that they really love me did actually love me, they wouldn't want me to continue in this endless pain. 

I didn't ask to be brought into this miserable life, and since I had no choice in the matter, I'm making a choice in the matter for myself. This is my life, and if I choose to end it, it is my choice to make. ",5.620192307692308,4.279044608974363,6.689358974358977,81.83480769230772,67.65384615384616,9.851282051282054,28.474358974358967,8.841846274778883,1.8586051282051284,573,14,128,8,8,194,80,156,0.133,0.753,0.114,-0.298,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,2,3,3,9,0,2,8,0,16,8,0,2,1,24,30,8,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,14,7,0,0,3,0,3,1,5,5,0,0,7,3,17,5,16,20,2,16,0,1,0,3,12,7,0,3,8,86,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.15031586126714544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400185620137945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933977984824947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642921836339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718696625062647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788468334384434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047688768884821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465356319297003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759883747123504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170675853200994,0.0,0.2056390092407061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323338904586278,0.0,0.11880122558498706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917120426724219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271536724800886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638350970282503,0.0,0.0,0.09867871348451887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449895004030377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741927685767698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457959897196012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817075724206099,0.0,0.12355752088338892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,overunderoverrated,2018/02/27,"My Boyfriend Is Leaving For Isolation Hi, I posted earlier on here about how to support my
Boyfriend through depression and isolation. He decided to take the next quarter (of college) off and live in isolation somewhere in the Midwest. I believe he is going to be a fire lookout. He believes isolation is the best solution for him because the pressure of school, work, his ex always chastising him, etc. has been getting him to the point where he is so stressed out that he is sad all the time.


I also think this is a good idea for him. He is he type of person who thrives alone and I believe this time away from school would be good for him. He would find a therapist there and continue getting professional help. However, I would not speak or talk to him for those two months. 


He says he would like me to wait for him when he gets back. I do love him, you guys, and I would do anything for him. Right from the beginning I told him that I will never let him go and that he could trust me 100%. He means the world to me and I would love for him to come back better than before.


 Am I doing the right thing here? ",4.9888246753246746,5.488327350000002,5.12766233766234,86.2886363636364,68.68181818181819,8.64935064935065,31.168831168831172,8.634040054169528,2.1951103896103894,867,34,182,13,14,272,121,220,0.121,0.74,0.14,0.7772,1,5,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,3,11,13,0,2,12,0,24,2,0,1,2,27,39,12,0,7,2,1,1,1,0,7,0,2,0,2,8,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,4,0,2,2,3,30,9,30,26,3,25,0,2,0,2,39,11,0,1,11,129,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413153462234008,0.0,0.08812502328122747,0.09169327503598212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068327896061668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035343224671852,0.16947038610527093,0.0,0.06717546644387888,0.0,0.09377008625217467,0.3724650561608436,0.11564563815604545,0.09746086895064657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492552048216964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798385904632351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491307704440403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289951251570105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071865843226634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272117633757395,0.0,0.12525573139803606,0.1848571260682841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911300170849116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386316393105799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439973691908515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668340322934945,0.0,0.1126845662996954,0.0,0.05383700695150448,0.0,0.09730654650304067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989153684506758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003754965295105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795871526812618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499122345420035,0.0,0.1171964541179064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622034006754224,0.0,0.0,0.10417240110292654,0.0,0.10553889011774736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821638708409516,0.0,0.0876335966660211,0.0,0.2230518159916348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262310391788053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250509907095687,0.0,0.0,0.08285492077988617,0.08857269925888815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279479686024871,0.07321042406506978,0.07061020644853566,0.0,0.0,0.1285142752867641,0.0,0.0,0.1052985798467527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764709462408223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022520382301253,0.0,0.0,0.4696875057455204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,graduatethrowaway510,2018/02/27,"Thinking of killing myself once I graduate. Hello everyone

I'm about ready to give up. I'm about to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in philosophy from university and I will be moving back in with my parents from the summer. I have been looking at grad schemes and jobs I could do, and nothing is really leaping out. But when I get home, I will be expected to find work more or less immediately.

So why do I feel suicidal, you might ask, lots of people feel like they have no direction when they graduate. That may be so. But I feel that I will be strongly encouraged when I graduate to find and settle with a job that makes me miserable. I have thrived in academia. I have made many new friends, many of whom I will never see again once I leave. I felt respected at university for my interests and ideas. But leaving university and becoming a cog in the corporate machine, that fills me with dread.

I think my parents think of my as their greatest failure. I am a bad, ungrateful child who leeches off of them and achieves nothing to show for it. I have talked to my therapist about this. She tells me that it isn't true, but I know in my heart it must be.

Once I graduate, I am thinking of finding a quiet place to die and kill myself, so that my parents don't have to worry about feeding me or anything ever again. I have never had a girlfriend or  even been on a date, so I don't really have anything tying me to this world, and it's another reason I think my parents think I'm a loser.

I guess I'm posting here because I want someone to convince me that I'm wrong to think this way. But at the moment I really don't see a way out except the easy way out.

Thank you for reading if you did. I hope you can help. I'm sorry.",3.7506000000000017,4.782043717142859,5.176285714285715,82.88671428571429,71.82857142857142,8.685714285714287,30.0,9.065960079200117,2.427057142857143,1351,56,279,27,25,454,168,350,0.121,0.775,0.104,-0.8341,6,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,4,4,4,17,17,2,2,13,0,35,2,1,3,5,58,65,26,4,6,10,4,4,1,2,7,0,1,1,1,16,16,1,0,17,3,0,2,7,7,0,0,6,8,53,10,47,46,4,35,0,2,3,0,25,16,0,9,14,202,69,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925957874989435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009903704745053,0.0,0.0795791305116937,0.0,0.0,0.06545483956231726,0.07107469982243943,0.051890592564964505,0.0940123937708132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796431530371694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834491896703649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056223374087625344,0.07699922317659252,0.0,0.08133930426909773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912323932854314,0.06081235914788721,0.0817320620136317,0.0,0.23340444711752914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576632794701116,0.0,0.04447359858757445,0.0816583704657707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377330754562913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087194601787776,0.05705659443850372,0.0,0.08538597074621693,0.08454700059043835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609424996028776,0.0,0.0,0.16894419393898008,0.0,0.18835343359222464,0.0,0.04678173692561567,0.0,0.0,0.1802673284338424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158712012772695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148243479470616,0.0,0.0,0.07236909100918677,0.0,0.0805460645481475,0.0568207035184897,0.17260405950393454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903027504411214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904729782913838,0.0,0.0,0.1313052273792327,0.08221296050377729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633568936188925,0.0,0.0,0.2719617567677429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37807899938571066,0.0,0.0,0.05901402722772092,0.0,0.08893610622677682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152493517010201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514669488075446,0.0,0.16359718741671328,0.08752129899294417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356650707855655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212500021162363,0.0,0.0,0.09528896730858008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311146704640097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841917284581656,0.0744018301263921,0.07837042867595095,0.0,0.09883512924786717,0.0,0.38180662575183416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050208139679814176,0.2027015955012798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681086229849451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061971037722515276,0.08644720792815003,0.0,0.0,0.09306935840986212,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,musicalmedicin3,2018/02/27,"Why am I such a pussy Why can't I just kill myself. I don't want to be alive anymore. I have no motivation to live. I no longer care about anything. I just want to end my life. But I fucking can't. I can't even do this right.
",-2.6913461538461547,-1.0170293653846123,0.33346153846154003,104.24903846153849,102.26923076923076,3.3692307692307697,14.192307692307693,5.148860815047168,-1.3739692307692306,171,4,47,1,8,59,33,52,0.13699999999999998,0.623,0.24,0.7959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,5,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,0,6,12,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,4,11,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27876930304665315,0.0,0.0,0.2313160687552975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28659364260606635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489654822653444,0.0,0.0,0.1856596610539604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25986648875653445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310988403013497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854471117435413,0.0,0.0,0.2482107843830093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24005238470989984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315925572370041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072864761682692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lauren0227,2018/02/27,What is the most painless way to die? I just want this pain to end. It’s been 10 years since I’ve been happy. I truly want to die. ,-2.1370000000000005,-0.3422663666666637,0.3150000000000013,106.1625,96.0,3.0,10.833333333333336,3.1291,-2.131666666666667,99,1,27,0,4,33,23,30,0.282,0.435,0.28300000000000003,-0.4556,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6412123688747725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736080111641709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328846978057362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287085559212229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555386254002109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644134892794623,0.2452032551235688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989318676131578
suicidewatch,kerwval,2018/02/27,"Help with a friends who’s not feeling well She is my best friend and she is not answering me (or my friends) since yesterday. On her twitter account, she wrote two days ago “I don’t want to be alive, I just wanna day today” and “Au revoir” (Goodbye in French).
However 5 days ago she wrote about Demi Lovato’s tour bécasse she’s going to it and she was so happy. Last week I invited her home and she seems happy and confident about her life.

I know she broke with her boyfriend because he cheated on her, let her dream about a future together, then going to his other girl. She had been cheated on a first time two years ago and then attempted suicide. But her family send her to the hospital and I went to see her (it was my birthday and she called me the day before I visited her).
Last month, she was sad about her (ex-)boyfriend and I tried to comfort her. She told me she won’t tried to harm her, because she didn’t want to go back to the hospital.
I thought she felt better. She found an internship that seemed to interest her, she was going to move out with her sister (she lived with her boyfriend before the breaking-up but now she couldn’t afford a place for her alone).

Now I don’t know what she’s doing and I want to help her... I ask her sister but she doesn’t know too (they were going to move out this week, so she would see her later). And I don’t even know why I came here to ask for help...

(Ps: pardon my English, I may have made some typos. Also, I don’t know if I can post this in this sub. I’m sorry if I can’t.)


EDIT: I texted her mother, she’s fine (as she’s alive, because her breakup still hurts her).",0.6749155405405425,2.8680172589285746,2.139716859716863,95.89627413127414,84.74404761904762,5.2990990990991,19.200128700128698,6.643151254067905,0.017582947232947174,1253,34,282,14,37,404,165,336,0.065,0.81,0.125,0.9418,2,1,0,0,0,1,54.0,0,0,1,4,16,17,2,0,9,0,25,1,0,1,0,50,55,23,1,8,9,3,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,9,18,0,0,12,1,1,11,11,6,1,3,17,4,74,11,33,32,2,45,0,3,2,0,69,8,0,7,25,188,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578430837886713,0.0,0.0,0.10041957146468132,0.0,0.07753752810298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812858690203052,0.0,0.0,0.07455495803573584,0.0,0.17731466352982836,0.0,0.16500876657460511,0.0,0.1017517679387844,0.08575174886576609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900527845206464,0.11089448040728307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501203636276905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640400514883179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140366869506286,0.0,0.04902503646763706,0.0,0.09309518584640382,0.0,0.0,0.0824726917480218,0.0,0.10630978598391272,0.2247292569827027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275518219221946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064278548462263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496734080180733,0.0,0.09725709372129734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379587970983956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26642876650912023,0.15806793235996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914644445939083,0.06848452407032776,0.0,0.0,0.08561596698823992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174430038306874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739120062686188,0.20610268530137574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013008008565402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285926237259057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452644490409762,0.17653441382798932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020491868792162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853689362718656,0.0,0.0,0.0774310342346007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605665776143358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769740703986454,0.05653717219388395,0.0,0.09190514395504132,0.09264782339990264,0.0,0.13165666041772311,0.0,0.18942836696865747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156557583417847,0.0,0.155548220961926,0.0,0.08717716786744963,0.08988132779785496,0.08748979683772377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887640388690025,0.0,0.0,0.062437974851595725
suicidewatch,5tephenk,2018/02/27,"I just don’t want to go on living anymore I posted last night about a break up that’s been affecting me pretty strongly. I slept after writing that out. The first time I’ve slept more than a couple hours since it happened. I thought when I woke up that I’d feel relief, less pain, less sadness, anything like that. I woke up just wanting it all to end. To not feel anything anymore. I have been crying all morning and all I want in this world is to fulfill her wish that I don’t exist. That my kids can have a different father. 

I just want to die right now. I’m giving up. ",1.671275783040489,3.5507364789916025,2.908082505729567,93.481436210848,79.16806722689077,4.999541634835753,22.582887700534762,5.565023196281405,0.14690924369747904,447,14,96,2,11,144,76,119,0.102,0.711,0.18600000000000005,0.7340000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,4,0,8,3,2,1,3,19,24,2,1,5,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,7,2,13,3,15,17,6,21,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,10,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523479451355536,0.0,0.0,0.29236985784307656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965584340630342,0.19513232862308064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843652315097808,0.18559896829150027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733883739558568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964312447504532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110291696837588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041120815618852,0.10095852510686863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708898506822638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494242325238046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480263195316342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678732314004678,0.0,0.15686189060637193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670578032470432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902451653579225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013274472597453,0.1807266416180486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170602278125914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694800075137662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410285795412203,0.10358497406317682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41911342062346396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428050989188276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Floperdops,2018/02/27,"Can’t do this anymore Hi
New to this
Can’t cope, desperately want to kill myself and have plan. 
Can’t get help in person as have a care plan which instructs people to not do anything. 
Also will screw up job as work as nurse and am under investigation due to mental illness. 
Can’t get help also because of this. 
Can’t have time of work as poor sickness record. 

Don’t know what to do

Help",1.6446250000000011,3.8043962125000017,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.625,5.0,20.0,5.985473137389443,-0.07912499999999989,307,8,65,2,8,100,49,80,0.161,0.6990000000000001,0.14,-0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,4,2,3,2,0,1,0,14,3,0,0,0,5,19,8,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,14,18,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,3,40,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642971012590525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258878317617898,0.0,0.0,0.1874362946412746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884721268744812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232227924012722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23800210777451802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580107132120095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22602777563955825,0.0,0.2519950916117336,0.0,0.12517709773052094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953980263684234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199828494623888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579078747226063,0.19888103096951407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281522152899433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434535826578936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33164030047826204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giga556,2018/02/27,"Finally calm about this After being in so much pain from self doubt, parents saying that I'm a dissapointment and generally saying that everything i do isnt really much (while i literally study all day every day including the weekends) im finally calm about just ending it depending on how things go today im either gonna shoot myself today or overdose on everything i have tomorow

EDIT: im gonna elaborate today my lecturer (the guy that is basically a proffesor in my uni) gave me 3 grades after being called out and saying everything almost perfectly i just failed to answer to 1 question. he gave me an E E and a 0(he gave others horrible grades as well one even got 2 0s and a D) which meant i failed and would have to do the year again for which i was just not ready to hear the ""you are being a dissapointment"" from my parents anymore but... just now i received a call from our coordinator (someone who has to inform the students about everything) that his grades would be nullified and another lecturer will be grading us after he exams us because our lecturer is being investigated for taking bribes from students so they can pass. i honestly hate myself for almost ending it all because some piece of shit person trying to ruin my life",10.347584745762713,7.885035199152544,10.714000000000002,60.28269491525426,59.29661016949152,13.677288135593223,40.12542372881357,12.161744961471696,4.963970847457627,1001,39,166,25,10,342,139,236,0.13,0.813,0.057,-0.9562,2,0,0,1,0,0,17.0,4,1,1,3,14,12,2,1,12,0,20,3,1,2,3,31,32,13,0,2,8,2,0,0,0,5,2,4,0,3,12,7,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,7,1,1,6,4,23,5,26,15,7,25,0,3,0,0,27,5,1,7,17,122,35,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245698551915396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123904676818804,0.0,0.0,0.1052075063033383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933648430801964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664865817664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683169728376834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791909481053135,0.0,0.0,0.07006793698996802,0.0,0.08938092640572888,0.0,0.3813683146251876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324211842150023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060290373837544785,0.0,0.08484561731538341,0.0,0.0,0.1050405213416804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473666822533922,0.0,0.0,0.11956515520980622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437690070632597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493075358040621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559689062730663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188573118446953,0.0,0.112881589289667,0.0,0.2355889871079331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262905910489573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188391310037858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796056862865761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530884093566934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066946749187873,0.0,0.10889440942396156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988521326296164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976248419683604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047795396542549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30166764482710384,0.0,0.0,0.07202454067468571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25521363951545184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538287623354892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071903958488456,0.0,0.0,0.06831506199648951
suicidewatch,poehler_coaster,2018/02/27,Give me the courage I really want to end it all. I don’t think I have the strength to keep going. Nearly hung myself in December but was interrupted by my girlfriend who thankfully didn’t realise what she was interrupting. I’ve been keeping a generally happy looking exterior for everyone but I’m dying inside. I know my girlfriend doesn’t love me anymore and I suspect she is interested in someone else. I love her too much to let her go. I can’t live without her. I know my parents will be hurt but I need to do something for me. How do I stop wimping out and block out the knowledge of the pain I will cause my family. I’m just so tired. I’m never going to be good enough,1.429782608695653,3.7782618333333353,3.7313333333333367,84.69700000000002,82.84057971014494,6.578550724637681,25.86666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.69164579710145,535,23,107,10,15,184,89,138,0.179,0.618,0.203,0.6168,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,5,0,16,4,0,2,2,25,34,7,1,2,5,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,5,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,4,1,24,8,15,25,3,12,0,1,1,2,12,6,0,0,3,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820792849261015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423658904880052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602880395053844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168771462729418,0.0,0.15022446008342893,0.1752528697553529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620699935216489,0.0,0.0,0.15989357817206254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627057385269994,0.2891804752605378,0.14226114572447088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055341113200365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157142752870356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30151501064881314,0.0,0.0,0.18642686628797545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343811243000967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497690793580838,0.0,0.1424300078319102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30615999306995045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468315025834847,0.12576395302885038,0.13081398680462886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804774104674887,0.0,0.1883322630176258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865675720177803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437103307200003,0.130574362527551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180187840085906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615445671602265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867948758977854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494218946097325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004060086032733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349836075912197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KrisTheAnimalKrosser,2018/02/27,"Today Might Just Be The Day I'm done. I see no point in life anymore. I may have just turned 18, but the future is looking very bleak. I can't function like a normal human anymore. I'm nothing but shambles and I burden everyone in my family. If no one can help me, I'll take matters into my own hands. I have enough meds to finish me off, and I'm on the brink of just doing it. I'm weak, I know. I'm a waste of space. I probably should have never been born. Everyone will be happier.

Is this goodbye?

If you hear nothing back, the answer is obvious.",-0.11188423645320356,2.069498181034483,2.5948768472906423,91.21637931034485,88.74137931034483,5.383251231527094,20.354679802955662,6.868970318607317,0.5113197044334976,423,14,91,6,14,147,78,116,0.155,0.7659999999999999,0.078,-0.8468,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,17,3,1,0,2,19,28,6,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,4,12,1,8,20,2,15,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,4,8,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674573606750068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424539241897437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947772575182593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958585933535613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142366697016866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540487811589507,0.0,0.0,0.17464715471652165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088020993265328,0.0,0.12417623865580235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181435093307956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308550022308233,0.09050894475579166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555721993245211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057827022686071,0.0,0.0,0.19653216250293465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288435379167003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151600024448286,0.3555249802010805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255373403446976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513109718369044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974220218791025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762866915656814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929287440453908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560533537345074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015102748131241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528593522536952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,etitiennep,2018/02/27,"Could i kill myself with this lead gun? I'm going through my options and i have everything i need for a helium suicide but i really fear it would not work. A friend of mine have this gun :

https://www.airgundepot.com/benjamin-trail-xl725-air-rifle.html

Could i kill myself ""painlessly"" with this gun (by shooting in the roof of the mouth) or would it not be enough and just left me bleeding and in atrocious pain? I'm only looking for advice from someone who know these things, if you're not sure, please dont answer. I know it's a hard question but i'll try helium anyway so help me make it quicker please.",4.225105519480518,6.9651518839285735,3.868409090909093,85.46295454545455,74.80357142857143,6.215584415584416,21.788961038961038,7.348242739294969,0.7417750000000005,489,13,90,6,11,147,75,112,0.324,0.64,0.037000000000000005,-0.9884,0,0,0,6,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,2,1,5,0,8,3,1,2,1,26,16,8,3,6,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,2,12,2,11,11,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,4,0,60,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851558137621778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753736656135349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210944070930148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818635373244854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498642277832606,0.0,0.0,0.19405354590663695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323399728062796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800698181475934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448081147500667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558921389660733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815794745183713,0.0,0.18954738708697494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736680386522095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481408374699095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151113296786988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786906287168126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311555578969716,0.18349834583119007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785953641440654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318282189713065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104755168985496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611583742068224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886316802916356,0.0,0.16253154135946346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456773466429365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170818390866322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554523460777356,0.0,0.0,0.2450062461303743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thederpking64,2018/02/27,"I lost the will to live it's been tough to put a smile on my face every day so that people don't see that I'm depressed but know I don't think I can do that anymore. these past few years have been tough but I always manage to push through. until now, the only thing that I want from this life is the sweet release of death it self.",2.5808219178082226,3.034059136986304,3.3587945205479457,96.98586301369863,74.06849315068494,5.84,20.07945205479452,3.1291,-0.590044383561644,259,4,64,0,5,82,54,73,0.163,0.74,0.097,-0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,9,2,1,0,0,5,15,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,2,6,1,8,11,1,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23409114420101046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27900620451862884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143616296214216,0.0,0.2423112359793489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703473173215975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461296280571898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871343683322745,0.0,0.0,0.2484217168620805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071076140057584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396601352866929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685636669689295,0.19504050504330908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828168273392105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418554677390085,0.0,0.29349111262061245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869047858756069,0.18026648097497786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593717426957827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116888070837744
suicidewatch,JeefBerky1,2018/02/27,"It’s only getting worse I never told anyone about this ever, but I’ve been suicidal since I’m 11 oder 12 years old. My dad used to beat me or yell at me, whenever he disagreed with me, made fun of me, when I was enthusiastic about something. Even when I liked a girl, he asked me in a babyish voice stuff like “who’s your cute little girlfriend?” And stuff like that. I know, the last one doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it fucked me up pretty hard. So hard, that i was never able to get a serious relationship.  
I’m 23 now, and things don’t get better at all and my dad isn’t alive anymore either. 
Since about 2 years I have a crush on a girl, who knows that I like her, but doesn’t feel the same way towards me. 
I’m working my ass off at a not too great paid job, and I’m lacking in motivation to apply for a new job. 
I like to think, that the only reason I didn’t commit suicide yet, is that it would fuck my mother up badly. 
Like I said, this is the first time in my entire life that I’m getting this off my chest and I’m crying in my car in the parking lot of a gas-station. 
I know that the cause of my death will be suicide one day. Maybe not today, maybe not even this year. But there is nothing I’m more certain of than this. 
I don’t know what to do anymore. 

I apologize for perhaps bad grammar and I’m thanking you, whoever you are for taking your time to read this and helping other people in my situation. ",3.5960604481500766,3.631665396039608,4.960826819524058,87.89990620114645,71.60726072607261,7.567066180302241,25.848358520062533,7.0608816371341465,0.9307069306930686,1097,30,252,9,19,368,161,303,0.2,0.637,0.162,-0.9551,2,0,1,0,0,4,34.0,0,4,0,5,13,18,2,0,15,0,18,5,2,5,6,39,47,15,4,2,9,3,3,7,1,2,1,3,0,2,23,8,0,0,9,1,1,1,11,5,0,3,8,6,34,13,33,36,6,37,0,0,0,3,22,17,3,3,25,159,57,5,0.09655327163451544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150980164680728,0.06751229250223857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026427524467637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612358975639398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539352244233561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918680679138743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605923509816152,0.062268872551394565,0.09954218341525513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754505059801027,0.08733796197254133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882023523961964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212816352805714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852388757483634,0.20178039735883666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645032284004566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729855327784484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471762272099946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162844736607465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212252612016529,0.0787038031756291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819843117493439,0.330197359985439,0.09677174363237252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208613876599691,0.0,0.09136104018101963,0.0,0.0,0.1940014779972767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893567080985212,0.0932517514061328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264546818945382,0.0,0.10131641657191992,0.0,0.13085399135571602,0.14686622787020345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693788136070516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822938878003323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657940032106188,0.0,0.0,0.09927284416496436,0.0,0.10366207968227503,0.0,0.0,0.09184427180115076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789847220878771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973972810009932,0.10852992274069377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743314256703072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106079170734266,0.31684082381411305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259604406623968,0.0,0.0,0.08889328017990622,0.0,0.0,0.06414570337536445,0.06186743781316326,0.0,0.0,0.11260197830185653,0.0,0.0915212118317978,0.09226078874633399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339102604558479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766394928386154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029193169384235,0.0,0.09839603257233748,0.06858867392046213,0.0,0.0,0.18653142392780844
suicidewatch,PokefanCyrus,2018/02/27,"everything hurts and I want it to stop. I wake up in the morning shaking and disoriented theres a loud distorted screaming in my skull,  everything is dark and empty and I don't know how to fix it so I curl up in ball and cry on the floor,  I don't know why I feel like shit,  I say I'm fine but I'm not fine, Im dying inside and all I see are demons, I think there's something wrong with me cause all I see is death,  every now and then I cough up blood and I don't know what to do. No one can help me and I'm drowning.",-1.4272268907563015,0.3837235462184872,1.3098739495798348,100.81086134453787,90.84873949579833,4.7445378151260496,16.063025210084035,6.18269132825596,-0.7352285714285713,398,9,106,4,14,137,72,119,0.24,0.675,0.085,-0.9468,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,3,0,8,5,4,2,2,23,19,13,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,10,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,0,6,15,3,11,19,2,12,1,1,2,0,2,8,1,0,4,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652134136825069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23152361277486555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187485014421648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758485938729685,0.0,0.378857331485118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657287155365762,0.15057586319963184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127631420968315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563624125844106,0.0,0.2276703887356693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475050393500845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297276078355903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142824850644296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761469288628267,0.0,0.0,0.33591666933851233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216354866337316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226291089095576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621518584303886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505445991922094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431903773952448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018933084929826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304465601461177,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kingtommy123,2018/02/27,"Anxiety getting too much. Right now I’m suffering from a very severe anxiety. I am 15 years old and currently doing my GCSEs. I often have to leave class because the anxiety makes me feel physically sick to the stomach. It’s very awkward to have to admit in front of a whole class that you ‘feel sick’ and need to leave class. I really don’t want to be here anymore. Right now I’m hiding in a bathroom stall as I had to leave class, I’d go to the medical room, but they always just send me back to class without taking any notice.",4.470119047619047,4.984259953703706,5.8326984126984165,80.72500000000002,69.83333333333333,9.134391534391536,28.3915343915344,9.23628265651192,2.27595343915344,417,14,84,8,7,141,72,108,0.177,0.797,0.026,-0.8192,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,7,4,1,1,0,12,18,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,15,16,2,14,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,51,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389582691540358,0.0,0.0,0.11356645491323684,0.0,0.3832660863773447,0.0,0.16562018779255572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841351515044822,0.0,0.10180230276422517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888151852142758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725116682293889,0.0,0.09491055712572016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304900630517378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147451160099348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823600951393947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276500249072585,0.12382917799910625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013182607939125,0.1752395312910077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698516231640777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852360041166431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886636751362709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556402176658732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27558674649597104,0.09850155845712967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645073169218795,0.0,0.1609830728870218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754321430541948
suicidewatch,Snasebarn,2018/02/27,"Has anyone come up with a way to kill yourself without hurting your parents feelings yet? Y'all probably won't say anything but like, help a brother out.",4.095238095238095,7.0684704285714295,4.064285714285717,82.54738095238098,76.85714285714286,5.161904761904762,37.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,2.8633904761904767,124,8,19,1,3,38,27,28,0.08800000000000001,0.6509999999999999,0.261,0.6787,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,5,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325787307304354,0.0,0.2627518556215034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750436126527717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144470108405404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401611859877115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418109598872707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35325163707068624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599097915018073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545383350010844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442530656055593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539155002189926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534408110045838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077881382093345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stressedmango,2018/02/27,"Help hotline without a phone? Hi, I was wondering if anyone knew of a Suicide hotline that was through chatting through a browser. I currently have no phone service and need help please.. ",5.47909090909091,8.236038727272732,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636367,70.81818181818181,6.824242424242425,44.33333333333334,7.793537801064563,4.181169696969698,150,11,23,2,3,45,25,33,0.18600000000000005,0.665,0.15,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804385223091403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494724265913497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736411388644976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050990297675242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036737789556328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557448423264912,0.4002120207918695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway52925292,2018/02/27,"Monotony I haven't felt this insignificant within the giant world we live in for a while. Just the prospect of a week or a month or tomorrow seems like to much to bare. It's just the same crappy job and school week in and week out. And once school is done I don't know what skills it's actually given me but I'm not gotten the training or time and money to get a career I might like. I just look around at all the other people in my life that are older and continue on the same hopeless pattern without doubt that it's what they should be doing. I just keep thinking about if I would have been able to step out of my comfort I might not be here now. 

I don't know if that really encompasses how dramatic this all feels in my head right now, but I feel like I'm at where a crossroads should be but all I see is dead ends.
",3.3065517241379285,3.988485574712648,4.238563218390805,90.50025862068968,72.5632183908046,7.409195402298851,23.12068965517241,7.492282038375204,0.6457793103448277,646,15,149,7,12,209,102,174,0.083,0.825,0.092,-0.0926,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,1,1,11,6,0,1,11,0,18,2,1,1,3,44,33,15,1,5,15,0,3,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,7,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,5,5,16,4,20,20,6,29,0,1,2,0,2,16,0,9,15,107,27,4,0.163425574590565,0.0,0.15947978637784085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548340961946662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724110295372505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144746551806804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526576180416616,0.11675126314147348,0.1569141801593841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853831175817254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772178780933056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217466580129605,0.1452601596476689,0.0,0.0,0.17962884369393853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154323164017423,0.2395244424009657,0.0,0.14430777645879225,0.0,0.1372363228733564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467374174223749,0.0,0.0,0.13044473446726082,0.0,0.12013660131168187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404290330518726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329871622224512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469460783371716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956454775817353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307908127213482,0.13022902416821036,0.14877650527192346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047165093621532,0.0,0.0,0.09529476677741576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932704147735614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753642205007554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116092839280336,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidalthoughts1981,2018/02/27,"Looking for someone to help me to end my life I have nothing to live for. I’ve been in a dark and miserable place for years and cannot go on any more. I have no friends, family or prospects of coming out the dark abyss of this depression. I want to end it all but am too scared of the final act. Can someone get it contact to help me do it. I have a lot of belongings and when I’m gone you can have them all. Please help me. I’ve already tied the noose and left a note I’m going to do it today. I can’t go on any longer ",1.1725641025641025,2.025306085470085,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,77.8888888888889,6.567521367521367,22.401709401709404,6.937597516519254,0.3008222222222221,400,11,103,4,9,135,70,117,0.087,0.772,0.141,0.6657,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,2,6,0,12,1,0,0,2,12,22,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,3,0,0,2,1,11,1,17,20,4,18,0,2,1,0,7,6,0,2,6,64,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068194374617654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247335801046351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665231494070353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566317799642093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322139794011294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714370759178344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992136894932666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050102233435896,0.0,0.09501193488370956,0.0,0.31005782507316776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36568150145097134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975864121162454,0.0,0.1284498392664157,0.0,0.0,0.16058164012331932,0.0,0.15271272520639192,0.0,0.0,0.1546069484127417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449515029417567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000017542969985,0.19962260683829344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820689691946923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081709617044086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237764486263962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726302007014787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710890807347908
suicidewatch,ElusivelyTransparent,2018/02/27,"I’m ready :) Just posting cuz this is stuff you can’t really share with the real people in your life. I’m fuckin ready, and I’m gunna do it. 

I love my family, and I don’t want them to find me dead because it would crush them. 

So I’m renting a car and am going to drive down to the beach for my sweet escape. 

I hope I have the courage to follow through. 

There is just literally nowhere for me to be or to go. Spent over a month in the hospital last September and October, that didn’t help. Idk fam, I really feel done with everything. I really feel ready.  Scared, but ready. 

:.:.:.:EDIT:.:.:.:

Question: Why is suicide bad? If someone doesn’t want to be here, why try to make them stay? And I’m not talking about chatting and coaching like on here.. I’m talking about being restrained and sedated if caught before completion? Why keep someone here, that hates it?",0.8281180223285496,3.3275027660818743,2.27762094630516,92.57726076555026,88.5906432748538,5.682190324295587,21.22301967038809,7.1686216300943375,0.7557695906432746,667,23,139,11,22,215,105,171,0.119,0.7140000000000001,0.16699999999999998,-0.2721,1,0,0,1,0,1,40.0,0,2,3,0,9,10,2,1,6,0,15,3,0,2,0,29,35,13,2,6,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,9,0,2,4,3,2,6,5,4,0,0,4,3,15,6,20,27,0,15,0,0,0,2,12,5,1,5,3,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775564524260266,0.09327251682693788,0.0,0.13019890163511244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042642443140984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565807440453375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751410800074268,0.0,0.14424272742062189,0.0,0.15473131599518358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984693014760888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391643010404867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106414406904708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025583232296,0.0,0.0,0.15197189211832587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600092008523734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472228963481205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807437687171176,0.07475218859836799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809607906818502,0.0,0.10213431304357673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212986651571975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607677761111987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653977747408595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714044556809093,0.0,0.0,0.17415708754813208,0.29406334870933337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318812779967386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592870870556868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630866245892077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515804178292602,0.16736638468704002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459647552707018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388267808537524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049666892016225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141989188459466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869279639874506,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iiKlarity,2018/02/27,"Recurring thoughts of suicide, not intense, but could be. How do I make this stop? I am the average 21 year old having issues finding value in myself during my time of growth.  I find myself depending on others for my happiness sometimes, and I'm still learning to be happy for myself.  I have had a bad history of suicidal thoughts, leading to 2 apprehensions by police due to intent of suicide, a restraining order, and multiple visits to the ER.  These events occurred over 2 years ago, I am much better now, but I still get the occasional thoughts of worthlessness and suicide.  Not as intense as my previous episodes, but I'm having a bit of an accompanying issue now.

It's the usual relationship issues, where I fear my sig. other will leave me, due to my insecurities.  She knows of my dark past, so nowadays I try to keep these thoughts away from her, as I know it affects the people around me, so I keep it to myself.  I don't want to burden the people around me, and this has to be something I tackle by myself.  

I guess I came to this sub to seek comfort or advice, because lately my head has been a hell that I have been battling by myself.  I have been seeking help at my school's resource center and I have been seeing the school counselors and therapists, which have been helping, but when I'm alone and sitting here sinking in my thoughts, I drown.  I constantly fear the worst, and right now, I fear losing my girlfriend because of these insecurities.  I feel like I'm losing her when she sees that I'm down, and I can't explain what I'm thinking because it will affect her.

I feel that I'm stuck in a loop where I end up facing things on my own, and I drown in this hell where all I think about is how much this world would benefit from me not being here.

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suicidewatch,bcbinch,2018/02/27,Hotlines aren't helping Recently i've been through a slump of depression and have been feeling really hopeless and thought about suicide. I've tried using crisis hotlines but they feel kinda cheesy and make me feel like i have to pretend theyre helping for the sake of the other person. I don't know what to do about it because i dont really feel like i can talk to anyone without hurting them but i dont have the willpower to get professional help. ,9.159318181818184,7.3091544772727275,8.678636363636365,72.02545454545455,61.04545454545455,11.072727272727272,41.31818181818181,9.516144504307137,3.993059090909092,366,17,65,5,4,117,56,88,0.16399999999999998,0.682,0.154,0.2534,1,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,11,0,0,2,0,15,20,5,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,4,8,2,11,17,0,1,0,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125020771694748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442541172844155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167313000040734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399861294341813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796444042114465,0.26819810257372473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806998875677853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37745132524406144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094592350817428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315972981776014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834098671067496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529693868234476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389989696725712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24050185338619015,0.0,0.1853395832630008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532272665965345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508730510872578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490196499675963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744180832417726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211995007945354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094437842991934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greendude99,2018/02/27,"Does anyone else walk along the edge of bridges/cliffs/rooftops telling yourself you will do it but never doing it? I just did that and wrote up a note for my family and I can’t tell if I didn’t do it out of fear or cause I realized the bridge wasn’t high enough... I don’t know why I’m writing this cause my mind is such a mess right now, I guess I just needed to say it. FYI spare yourself the time from giving me advice. I’m not writing this out as a cry for help/looking for advice. I just needed to write it out and have it somewhere where somebody will see it.",2.411876138433517,3.318938803278688,3.3343715846994537,95.30070127504557,74.90163934426229,6.077959927140255,22.571948998178506,5.82211442006289,0.06378397085610166,442,11,105,2,9,141,78,122,0.102,0.843,0.056,-0.7431,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,0,12,0,0,2,1,27,21,7,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,2,12,0,14,15,1,11,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,3,3,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556393512767501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723815423537027,0.18645050076298114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738680987678787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988628460598956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924379807127428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201318154717658,0.0,0.0,0.18802439136563068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154579414900958,0.20476764408246306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456289018799415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004612569940311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197113379386415,0.1922620501913091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000063454508075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528095692366199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837385470869493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698579573275501,0.14034703274980587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554019954564859,0.0,0.14471041551598593,0.0,0.0,0.14500709920371305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181008493815919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061085866837093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420026562099593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fmk333,2018/02/27,My dead kids haunt me every night fuck they haunt me every time I close my eyes omg I’m fuckinf insane I can’t stop thinking about how I gave up 4 pregnancies for someone who can’t even keep promises how do I recover from all this is anyone out there please ,0.0,2.355324092592596,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,95.11111111111113,4.181481481481482,17.86111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.2530666666666668,207,6,44,2,8,66,43,54,0.297,0.623,0.08,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,1,8,9,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,5,8,1,6,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,3,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494270093930102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248225404288354,0.0,0.5420984697708316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29740987874124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859450222178491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018971214779281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35313404724036435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27257849366927817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689586908632801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613473555835388,0.0,0.0,0.1875880094687076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,threedrippynuts,2018/02/27,"Anyone This feeling has grown to feel far too familiar. It gradually became a normalcy. I’ve grown tired of everything and everyone, nothing feels the way it should. It feels like my skin doesn’t fit. The daily autopilot mode is becoming tiring. An empty source of joy. Ive become someone I deeply despise. I feel like my inner hatred screams louder then normal sounds. I’m so fucking tired. I feel there’s no proper place for me. Why continuously do something every fucking day if you have this overwhelming feeling of darkness; invading, controlling your thoughts from the minute you open your eyes. Sleeping is a temporary fix until you get woken up by the same shit alarm, dealing with the same shit family members surrounded by shady  snake friends. I’ve grown far too tired; it’s exhausting, unfulfilling  to continue this constantly. ",5.11204954954955,8.17628808783784,5.320162162162164,74.49330630630631,73.52702702702703,8.811531531531532,31.488288288288288,9.3871,3.634571531531531,679,32,104,18,15,214,107,148,0.212,0.685,0.103,-0.9552,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,5,0,1,4,13,5,2,8,0,8,12,5,1,0,17,21,5,0,3,1,0,8,2,1,1,5,2,0,0,7,3,0,1,8,0,0,3,2,9,0,0,2,11,12,4,12,18,2,18,0,1,1,2,7,8,4,1,8,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665223696694667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27373399740635473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339204384794426,0.13899402199043498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992229118584786,0.12776270136612455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441335697013096,0.11841700870903853,0.11137707890635784,0.0,0.11682680320704335,0.0,0.4386264641861676,0.17706612387557416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574524762958232,0.2291359637932948,0.06474644157078067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210883818247712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142158327120887,0.1189107459682262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947673649583125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441738635877303,0.0,0.0,0.12401592199994604,0.0,0.10500245674518337,0.09540461555295096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838373779622024,0.0,0.5697407754650289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836702692710536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182432197425628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mecella10,2018/02/27,"28 year old US Army Veteran 3 years active, a few min the reserves. Weatherboarded illegally, shot at my own battle buddies here in the USA at fort Hood, illegally.

I've been contemplating suicide for a long time, and I feel like the end is near. Deleted all of my social networks that mattered. Quit my job. My mind is no longer on my control. I never meant for it to get like this.

So, at this rate, maybe I'll last a bit longer. I dunno. Just thought I'd share. ",1.4016129032258111,3.7152573870967736,3.135924731182797,89.1438870967742,82.65591397849462,5.870537634408603,23.27849462365592,7.1686216300943375,0.8610352688172047,359,13,76,5,10,119,72,93,0.098,0.7979999999999999,0.104,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,6,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,7,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,9,3,10,4,4,15,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,11,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516038944630899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584817840191115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041201805541808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652808553227627,0.1646414965668703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040644256812888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869713752392415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878566021476753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518336047724474,0.0,0.0,0.20395087170299026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315292082319635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327000714193892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777458517124569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418302164700589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245123808431143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349261268433639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520871003339276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829604158500105,0.1343837539317486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721639586603725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968188582081659
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway42,2018/02/27,"nothing left I am the father of two beautiful little girls and married to an amazing woman. About a year ago I was recruited to become a director at a software company.  I accepted the role after a monster interview process and started the new role with high hopes.  About one month after starting with the new company, my manager pulls me into a conference room on Friday afternoon and says ""it's not working out"". Without a single word of negative feedback (or any feedback) , they fired me on the spot.   That was in late July.  I have been looking for work ever since and have not been able to find anything since 9300+ applications, multiple revisions to resume). The Austin TX market has always been a rough one for jobs but I have an MBA, 12 years of experience, and am getting interviews that go well but am not chosen.  I recently came to the realization that due to life insurance policies, I am a better provider for my family for the next few year dead that alive ( I realize suicide negates policies).  My wife of 15 year has never been so distant and angry with me and the only solace I have been able to find at all is in drinking enough to self medicate even though I am also on anti depressants and recently even doubled my dose.  I have applied for almost 300 jobs in the last 9 months and have found shit.  I was just rejected again today for a job I was more then qualified for and interviewed well for.  

I love my little girls and still love my wife even if she is so distant and angry with me and I blame myself for her pain more than she does.   

There is nothing I expect anyone to say or be able to do that will fix this. I just need to be able to vent it out.  I am honestly at a point where I have to ask myself, if you have given it your best with these results, why would you want to go on. 

I cant stand the thought of my daughters going through the pain my death but also realized that they might be better off with another dad raising them who is not so self absorbed with is own mental illness.  I don't know how to go on in any way with hope that things will get better.  ",6.716533127889061,6.042863639225183,7.159935064935068,77.16566971164428,65.1501210653753,10.41465991635483,33.78483381025754,9.800150414767053,3.090700726392252,1645,62,319,30,22,540,221,413,0.136,0.741,0.123,-0.8951,3,1,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,3,3,6,21,18,1,0,24,0,40,10,1,2,3,61,61,28,3,8,14,5,2,0,0,4,6,2,1,5,14,25,1,0,8,1,0,6,10,5,2,3,13,5,44,13,60,41,9,57,0,2,1,2,30,23,1,8,26,241,58,15,0.3331042347750431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381920144215759,0.0,0.08338894358004585,0.0,0.0,0.13319166810117833,0.06929235193918055,0.0,0.0,0.11326115113897905,0.08732220851372507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058228556503485476,0.0,0.06852910072491268,0.0,0.07785187343707113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197186415961094,0.0,0.0,0.0873930858745665,0.22095271967250954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524562615049248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172554732733201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728754401503665,0.0,0.0,0.08157883399322692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604642972432879,0.0,0.16500915411604264,0.07532796273284252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145996482532834,0.07850525675705018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222561794618014,0.0,0.0,0.09130790003951912,0.0,0.0,0.08701660714984008,0.0,0.18931081301275973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879857281828482,0.0,0.16542383278449052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479159156407113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576634400100929,0.06788110254290894,0.0939390214563636,0.0,0.09047968143323028,0.0,0.05882034302104406,0.0,0.16692897643348653,0.0,0.0,0.06993091569143749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031978857105038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389186804824743,0.08392268042527164,0.08834273826764855,0.0,0.0,0.1329403110988333,0.0,0.0,0.06174814233431535,0.06422763027080168,0.1608570728248027,0.08856503316710239,0.0,0.0,0.15981124856877302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286002514446188,0.06333519519952871,0.17722319569771586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872279266653802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164450122923022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244892865905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737501821022871,0.0,0.08548167754002602,0.1377736326050493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178864459259314,0.0,0.06650436804490771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109049195971353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532491306415613,0.0,0.08181830485097576,0.06611188857682379,0.0,0.0,0.07893596642772277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134860885921112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049118377025862414,0.06610065920963677,0.0,0.0,0.14975035563657338,0.0,0.07514369020877885,0.0,0.0,0.08027514886770086,0.0,0.12125192508426005,0.0,0.0,0.05915692278919936,0.0,0.0,0.21450820594379616
suicidewatch,bvnne,2018/02/27,"i think I just got my sign to kill myself I’m away from my family, 6 hours away with my girlfriend who takes care of me and feeds me and provides for me while I’ve gotten fired twice. I’ve gotten into two car accidents with her car and all I do is cause her trouble. I love her so much and I know she loves me but she can’t handle what a drain I am and I hate seeing myself drag her down. 

For three years she’s been the only reason I haven’t killed myself. Because I didn’t want her to deal with the consequences. but tonight she talked about all the things that are wrong with me. Yelled at me for getting into anothwe wreck. Spoke about all the things I hate about myself and all the reasons I think I’m better off dead. 

I know it will hurt her. To find her girlfriend missing or worse, dead. But I’ve been holding myself together so she wouldn’t be alone and with no money comin in and no passion for life at all, am I really with her the way I should be? She just admitted to wanting to break up with me finally if I don’t get my shit together but I don’t know how guys. I really don’t. 

I really can’t do this anymore. I don’t even know if I try really hard or not at all or... I just don’t want to do this. I hate where I am and who I am and I can move all over thdon’t country but I can never learn to like myself at all. All I do is cause misery for others and I’m tired of burdening them and watching them pick up after my failures. 

I just hope that in my next life I know how to learn from mistakes and can be better. 

I really really wanna be better. 

Haha, I’m crying so hard but still so quiet so she won’t hear me. If you read all of this thank you so much. This is a great board for helping people out of suicide and just it being here makes me happy, objectively. That strangers will help strangers so willingly. 

I’m gonna try really hard to be better next time. ",1.102844208973238,2.813619826302734,2.9466715847361016,93.33605727315408,80.26550868486352,6.143357253034673,18.83233854201596,7.113659591113569,0.10580174367916273,1462,32,337,18,37,488,175,403,0.243,0.632,0.126,-0.9959,0,1,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,2,2,4,21,26,6,0,8,1,38,8,1,8,11,82,74,36,5,11,18,0,4,1,2,7,3,4,0,1,15,24,1,1,13,1,1,3,15,12,0,3,7,10,70,14,49,54,12,33,0,2,2,3,33,17,1,7,12,244,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096240580078216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710090008094762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503293477534145,0.0,0.0,0.05353859525979665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31070379069275306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954559901557099,0.18044528422869724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647396383380576,0.0,0.0905459010132711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058008982372845075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279558936820186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621031357134294,0.08027239369331049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917720872640199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024336851769898,0.09682970640192304,0.0,0.08696265385716156,0.0,0.09349359904265042,0.23602753712480254,0.26013328500355776,0.0,0.0,0.09898754378861156,0.0,0.1177373302384644,0.0,0.0,0.0872321440417986,0.08649201868773372,0.0,0.09402074508888224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943353842849684,0.0,0.24133743276058645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240697799980072,0.0429078929817852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853480394261513,0.0,0.058625282496914274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334632593810847,0.12912607282845534,0.0,0.06773768689720801,0.0,0.18681027032819847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679648001818887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088826436969271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785088413131771,0.0,0.3938501000443239,0.1806018074481818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998684112719211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015327335355082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013884898024303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606861093370836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603506166381147,0.07059210970497708,0.0,0.08085940926508996,0.0,0.0,0.1166968677796209,0.11255214036860052,0.0,0.0,0.05121269813163396,0.1009443509468542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925769445754633,0.0,0.08579433139904796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540812714941946,0.06971307735258185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895033353671453,0.0,0.0960251649613816,0.0,0.05655778373668353
suicidewatch,thatnigga6,2018/02/27,Never ending cycle I don't know what to do I'm 18 I have a great job an amazing girlfriend we have our own place but I feel like there's no point in living anymore I hate myself I'm constantly sad I'm taking meds that make me not myself anymore I constantly hide my pain in alcohol and put myself in situations that could kill me but it never happens I don't know what to do anymore ,-0.3795528455284547,1.882938646341465,2.328658536585369,90.53819105691059,95.46341463414636,4.684552845528454,19.028455284552845,6.42735559955562,0.2808260162601628,307,10,63,4,12,106,53,82,0.269,0.643,0.08800000000000001,-0.9631,1,0,1,0,0,3,0.0,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,2,12,17,3,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,1,14,3,5,16,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,42,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253999812213725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081818826086404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369161878570228,0.0,0.13637493859015612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512836912092352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636480166246432,0.12202406082154825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883145579668343,0.0,0.0,0.15104345438680913,0.0,0.0,0.16863586736687872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694989052021819,0.0,0.18897187314105032,0.0,0.18774136020826696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344733450511256,0.0,0.15082509959907073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401453716344165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972730306277935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634727097652382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174995483586864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784562379672937,0.0,0.1614671708787062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170751692136255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919934471011292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842508677983908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marsinshadow7,2018/02/27,"It's always worse on a night Right now i'm laying in bed next to my boyfriend wishing i could sleep (it's 4am here.), but i can't, and i want to cry or cut but i promised him i wouldn't even though i recently relapsed after years. i want to call my mum but i don't want to worry or disappoint her, i missed a doctors appointment on saturday because i got black out drunk to make myself feel okay. 


i don't know what to do and i have no friends to talk to and i'm worried i'll regret anything i do ",0.03680589680589818,1.7671442612612651,2.2715806715806757,96.74948402948404,83.86486486486487,5.477805077805079,21.8026208026208,6.574015621080383,0.2298576576576581,387,13,95,4,11,131,70,111,0.275,0.6,0.125,-0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,1,8,3,1,1,0,19,19,9,0,7,5,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,2,18,3,13,16,0,12,0,3,1,0,6,5,0,2,7,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673817875326138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553808690757613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226256739908268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540752959427272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606104220338085,0.0,0.22096554420751927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589646405218326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328647217297038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017128761873247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554162304141633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088655979991764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110552640419035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427630561097467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393664884410812,0.1887756566629236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862188801856254,0.0,0.0,0.1717901083841943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013059403547192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168532231751495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976393315508321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35594931549614306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313248366263296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085768387995588,0.20499990279096625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954087264493874
suicidewatch,Kcismfof,2018/02/27,"Teetering between active and passive suicidal ideation I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 12 so for 9 years I've fought it now. I feel so isolated and alone. I'm so frustrated with myself because I have a good fiance, a good job, a promising future in the career field I want, my family loves me and always offers to help, and my friends do the same. But I still can't stop thinking about how okay I would be if I was to get into a fatal accident or how I could cause the fatal accident. I'm medically educated which makes things worse because I know what drugs, how to dose and use them, how to prevent your body from rejecting them. All that makes the option to opt out so much more available. I'm deeply struggling with nihilism and have no desire to live. I've become very dark and fatalistic. I've had a plan once prior that was uncovered by my fiance and I was taken by police to a local emergency room. Every time I try to talk to anyone about what I'm feeling it's always responded to with comments like ""you should just work out more"" ""how can you be depressed when your life is great"" ""everyone has dealt with depression and thoughts of suicide"" and I get that. I am actively seeing a psychiatrist and counseling psychologist, I am exercising as much as my profound lack of energy and interest is allowing, I'm keeping myself and my home clean, I'm purposefully forcing myself to spend time with family. I still feel so very hollow and isolated. I just don't know what to do. I have a plan but I am very self reflective and I recognize that's a part of my sick brain and do not believe I will act on it. I feel like I understand my situation, and do everything that I should to help it, but it doesn't change it. I have no WHY to being this sad, or wanting to die. It's just such a primal feeling for me. It's always there. I don't want to be alone. The only person I felt could have ever made me not feel so alone with this is my sister. But she has killed herself a few years back and I'll never know how we could have helped eachother.",4.55551854395604,5.3737920312500025,5.748516483516487,80.31076923076924,69.79326923076923,9.212087912087913,28.559065934065927,9.424239791934726,2.4051960164835164,1639,57,326,34,28,548,205,416,0.179,0.716,0.105,-0.9884,1,3,1,0,0,1,39.0,1,4,2,3,25,22,3,2,16,1,40,9,2,12,3,87,73,41,6,12,12,1,7,2,1,4,6,0,3,2,20,30,0,3,14,1,1,1,9,12,0,0,11,8,49,10,41,51,9,22,0,5,1,1,22,7,0,4,16,229,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27930988325313383,0.0,0.0,0.2243975605002037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876882720827722,0.0,0.0,0.06285612416167292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912310127456138,0.0,0.10959735625507536,0.09928109608300144,0.0,0.1012799950478208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985220590006008,0.0,0.1003516719682207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234611967402216,0.0950961582417084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531964395034556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322772628633269,0.0,0.093296001054856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424874803308036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131446257126433,0.07573975190455935,0.0858977732462745,0.08079112260163447,0.0,0.1694885280479101,0.0,0.2727192919175596,0.06422044402266641,0.08631254216990683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945204628924663,0.0,0.09393203252102712,0.0,0.0,0.1507980024144754,0.0,0.09910868764028738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076258908247994,0.0,0.09017122557757193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892061359059256,0.07990210726947493,0.09945462820370396,0.0,0.14821052626202813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349494142005094,0.08783554388119412,0.0,0.07937823738041627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811330373080156,0.08506007828081599,0.12001017098395107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055896266086694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216518043597225,0.0,0.06933195918517879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573440345317072,0.0,0.068368600087606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734667299717048,0.0,0.0,0.07849215976919989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163404944567245,0.0,0.09377926978733284,0.0,0.0,0.0743614222749049,0.1010448622940722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435792699025294,0.07515558760817588,0.0,0.1879538999673052,0.0,0.19665935810120572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225356360762987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972172098386466,0.0576005821846418,0.0,0.07136596416740602,0.10483607750035763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061032270095053465,0.0,0.0,0.0935830464507571,0.0,0.07763973778429724,0.0,0.2225164216435834,0.15906580844603266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111554545314141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544405799825989,0.0,0.09160988334350788,0.06385827001632502,0.0,0.0,0.11577785227849395
suicidewatch,FutureSoldier93,2018/02/27,Anyone.. Could someone please talk to  me. I don't want to do anything stupid. I'm just too alone and I have been for a while now. Please..,-1.9598850574712607,-0.6331945172413782,-0.6843103448275851,108.57744252873563,114.86206896551724,1.933333333333333,11.729885057471266,3.1291,-2.104108045977012,105,2,26,0,6,32,24,29,0.229,0.6920000000000001,0.08,-0.5142,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376663613027702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279661408762101,0.0,0.26829300893008234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603065807872929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.715760997135943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762422031395606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620487069457063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922995782321737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butterwuth,2018/02/27,"I cant find a reason to keep living The world is a horrible and cruel place, the fact that my life will be mediocre at best makes me want to just cease to exist. I dont want to work until I die, I don’t even want to be apart of living anymore. Everything hurts too much and there is so much pain in the world",3.693529411764708,3.2111830588235293,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,71.35294117647058,7.976470588235292,22.882352941176467,7.1686216300943375,0.5103411764705879,240,4,58,2,4,80,48,68,0.235,0.6579999999999999,0.107,-0.9149,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,1,0,5,0,8,2,0,2,1,11,13,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,10,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,39,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280676136900514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518959392328206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270127224127464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514874154302463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172877269470535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285162907042205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196123210131416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297134730556293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907295140464617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515649553598369,0.0,0.0,0.3789580314915008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323453019333732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154835523098409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832938712242795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419154645756686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062507795394812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796964233246153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621757430176209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodbyefolks,2018/02/27,"goodbye This is it folks, the last words I'll ever type. My life is pretty shit, no friends, no family, no one who gives a shit about me. In college but I'm failing half my classes even though I'm working my ass off for a degree that I don't want anything to do with. I have no future, nothing I can do, nothing I want to do. I'll kill myself tonight because I have nothing to live for. I just wanted to say goodbye somewhere even if no one will ever see it.
Goodbye guys.",0.7615000000000016,2.7019241500000035,2.7059999999999995,93.473,82.5,4.4,25.0,4.935628992294339,0.3527,365,15,79,1,10,122,63,100,0.302,0.66,0.038,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,3,0,3,0,10,4,3,0,2,10,17,3,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,0,2,11,1,10,16,0,7,0,1,1,1,5,2,3,1,5,55,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136503567451775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471899912679038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269257362831688,0.3107800927306155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194431715434882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272124480430825,0.0,0.0,0.16479254529218373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009490124164425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005548089644972,0.0,0.0,0.1400283147027412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133735597867587,0.0,0.0,0.15168996506776647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944991824524473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23281294095508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476786648358128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661092387670018,0.0,0.0,0.13689100207656596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526712087897108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687786277907778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30397105961195875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506207241757308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dizzy12233,2018/02/27,"Depressed alcoholic NEET ready to end it all I am feeling totally lost in life right now I lost my job a few months ago and I haven't been able to find another one all I do is stay in my parents home all day doing nothing and just drinking, I don't know what to do and all I think about is suicide, this depression is the worst feeling in the world.",3.4733783783783783,4.050853094594596,4.533351351351354,88.92110810810814,72.10810810810811,8.082162162162161,29.664864864864867,8.238735603445708,1.8337491891891884,275,11,62,4,5,90,51,74,0.259,0.675,0.066,-0.9581,2,0,2,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,5,14,16,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,2,8,0,7,13,7,11,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,44,11,1,0.198836051315146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762561624100451,0.21249526895135368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084969366386185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823280380215893,0.0,0.3425143992808303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478363261351544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610972379845444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107496379961948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817325486832521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994487715697627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973141000242492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092750937908292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404437833245231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434106076429391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587090391531674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907885538748416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347364542885973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078390432524894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980490140140794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119327747234944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749436774173952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740611303488195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mesavoida,2018/02/27,"Am I crazy to think that somebody can be more dead than alive? (ptsd/911-losses) I took all Sunday morning to write a blog post, something I've been meaning to write for a while.  Needs work, could be more poetic, but I shared it with my family, and I didn't get a good response.   My father was ""I don't get it.  Maybe you need to share this with your support group"".  Ok, that's fine.  However my ""dead"" sister called my mother, said it was psychotic and I should be locked up.  Really, really upsetting.  So anyway, I don't have know where else I can put this that they won't find, not Facebook of course.  Here it is:  ""Is my sister alive or dead, or does it matter?""

Unlike Schrodinger's cat, we usually think we know whether somebody we know is either alive or dead.  But in some rare cases, the truth isn't binary but some alternate ""other"" solution.

In the 90's, my older sister lived and worked in the World Trade Center complex.  She was there for the 1993 bombing, even felt it.  She worked in the high-pressure world of international finance.  She would work 12-hour days 7 days a week and said she had to do so just to get ahead. I was proud of her.  She seemed to be doing something s she enjoyed.  She would smile, laugh, and would seem to have a good time.

Then 9/11 happened.  I remember where I was, so do you. I called my mother that day and she confirmed that my sister had been in California all day. She had relocated and was longer based off the east coast, so she survived, right?  No.  The few times I saw her after that she was always deadly serious, never smiled (fake smiles though). She had once done track and field and had been in excellent shape, but now she looked like a concentration camp survivor.

It all came to a head 5 years ago when I found a small card holder that had her business card showing her name and address at the world trade center.  I cried so much when I saw it.  I went around and gave one out to random people telling them that they were my sister's and that she was caught there on 9/11.  It was a higher truth vs. she wasn't there and was just fine. A paradox.  

She was must have been affected much more than she knew or was aware of.  She lost her workplace, co-workers, a place she called home.  I saw the pain when she mentioned it to me just that once.  Perhaps it's a type of survivor's guilt because it can go either way.  That you're super grateful that you're alive and want to share what you have with everyone, or that you don't feel like you were one of the lucky ones. It's probably something she just stuffed.  Who knows.

But again, is my sister a survivor of 9/11 or a victim?  I think she was missed in count of the walking wounded, until today.""",3.2718770452463017,4.912432311444653,3.6344299489506535,91.0829892229155,73.9155722326454,6.684218334133253,22.71429818054889,7.3071595529392575,0.6468831886207957,2094,55,444,23,43,650,253,533,0.105,0.73,0.16399999999999998,0.989,1,0,3,0,0,0,89.0,3,6,3,10,24,27,1,2,25,1,58,3,1,1,7,84,94,38,5,9,20,9,2,2,0,6,2,2,2,0,31,23,0,0,17,2,3,7,10,8,0,3,42,8,69,19,43,41,13,58,0,2,4,0,64,25,0,12,26,296,100,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081883343577109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586274221800607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081162767542824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557785008994925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792916486964541,0.10427693940002863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279374431284465,0.0,0.10014860258324244,0.2351946274055031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978558347973955,0.09330102173260056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616284296939847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602185117211971,0.0,0.0,0.08711913731624919,0.0,0.0,0.08594922656609867,0.0,0.04609950592711589,0.06513358227902405,0.0875398037601725,0.0,0.08332992379421543,0.0,0.0,0.09996583301495338,0.0,0.0,0.14290145128905304,0.0,0.05181537718359477,0.1529421704762591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062345407762364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935691877956514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632864853335643,0.09145335305193933,0.0,0.08978645078896326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042387132459136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890844607425847,0.0,0.0805069014122114,0.0,0.07656185540974403,0.0,0.09952544695368784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915949323155533,0.09931347399500587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340444119525264,0.13520636183515608,0.07031777710163338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941912653873763,0.18534233767458794,0.0,0.09701386396919906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320746394175814,0.0,0.09525575514034383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731795883433384,0.0,0.0982992698536996,0.0,0.10657565909759714,0.09165344609929184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681475077908972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328055858435907,0.0778607332378627,0.17345166533866865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599986135605566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105669082568312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346136146389716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968869802374202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525878166081615,0.08957642215798647,0.0,0.10632672170982872,0.0,0.08642077668386228,0.0,0.10129589340343673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041352017578728,0.0,0.05377584495544975,0.07236840906284073,0.07313300153198497,0.0,0.0,0.08451773016608571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318729729428847,0.0,0.0,0.1942987757684961,0.0,0.0,0.0587120377492905
suicidewatch,iminanothercastle,2018/02/27,"I don't understand why I feel this way. This is a long post; feel free to ignore it. I really just need a place to get this out. 

This morning I woke up in a panic attack. I eventually calmed down, but at work it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks for no reason. My mental health is just getting worse and worse. I hate it. I should be pretty content. I just moved into a great apartment with my two best friends. One of them just got a good job. My mom just got a new job making a grand a week. Nothing in particular is going wrong. 

But I feel like shit. Not constantly, though. My mood jumps around more than a grasshopper with adhd. I was in a great mood yesterday. This shit is just tiresome. I know everything I should be doing, but I'm not doing it. Instead, I continue to be a lazy sack of shit then cry about it.

I just want to fucking end it. I'm fat, unmotivated, lazy. Any potential I have is consistently wasted. I'm so fucking worthless. I know no one will ever love me. Eventually, my friends will move on without me. Fucking worthless sack of fucking garbage. I imagine when I was created, someone took a massive shit inside of a trash bag, set it on fire, and gave it a name. I wish my mother would have fucking aborted me. 

Why am I like this? A few days ago I bought healthy food, went to the gym, hung out with my family. I felt great. Then here we are, yet again. The constant ups and downs, the anxiety, the senseless anger, I'm sick of it. I was never meant to exist. I just want to end it. 

I've been to therapy. I've taken medications. Meditation. Nothing works for long. I just want fucking out, man. 

I'll never be able to say ""I'm sorry"" enough to my mother. She's going to be fucking devastated. I've written my goodbyes more times than I can count. Hopefully this time will be the last.",0.5758469945355174,2.9562580054644805,2.6060437158469942,90.86491256830601,87.79781420765028,5.439125683060111,21.79453551912568,6.937597516519254,0.6784725683060109,1394,50,295,20,45,466,189,366,0.223,0.597,0.181,-0.9672,2,0,0,0,1,0,64.0,1,0,1,3,19,37,15,1,21,0,29,18,5,2,3,52,73,11,0,9,15,3,5,3,2,6,4,1,0,1,17,12,2,1,10,1,2,7,8,20,0,3,15,6,42,16,41,45,6,50,0,2,0,9,13,17,12,1,26,190,59,4,0.07390290923985512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881693539449884,0.0,0.06551046999474641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025651252184325,0.0,0.056535523287331274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578925755010212,0.0,0.08407522823071745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755654380005915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972558079756716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117887558670735,0.047661262624567234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091208408182406,0.07636146073765952,0.0,0.0,0.06684941242885141,0.0,0.0,0.06641916953768517,0.0,0.06966908564084677,0.0,0.11210259433691414,0.052796253127452,0.07095838239405358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936369120221839,0.0,0.11419440870923868,0.5465763898930547,0.07722243969546277,0.0,0.08400145282844286,0.061986253970610576,0.11821381535670596,0.24443465501138695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296382270779918,0.0,0.07855533666613022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340226406090182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667446802917902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123021238035573,0.06024073472038315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831568542337212,0.0,0.0,0.13080349817668382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670026095118779,0.0,0.04933076578309838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444940607877303,0.07447675036401423,0.0,0.0,0.08655419410820397,0.0,0.15709419368027666,0.0,0.0547980707809898,0.11399695915122972,0.0713758902620281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182366917625067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015704784649992,0.0,0.0,0.08670914072164268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772128107232295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077855840081085,0.07518582727239424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473440960511949,0.07598449921072384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877055967311196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30344109728547536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261769517492413,0.0,0.0,0.08272825637372233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845144174181792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260923310259262,0.0,0.08618676137842507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210885140615935,0.0,0.0,0.07219240381462938,0.07693553484476713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307695518840613,0.05866068945732152,0.05928045603744533,0.0,0.0,0.06850873726691037,0.13337176145352908,0.0,0.08498469840604764,0.0712397672757541,0.0,0.10760439621203102,0.0,0.15062675643516593,0.05249850634594056,0.08080122978072868,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notathrowawaygotcha,2018/02/27,"Is this it First year of college second semester I work 40 hours a week and take 14 credits, life has me beat. I have 4 close friends all of witch are 7+ hours away. There all fading away from me they live different lives and they are starting to move on without me. Every girl I've tried to go out with declines me or we completely don't click. Ive tried to make new friends but no one is interested in me. My grades are slipping which will lead to me not being able to take online classes, which will lead to me losing my job, if I'm being honest thats the only thing I like and am talented at. I try to play video games but none of them are fun without friends. Movies and TV are boring. I can only bore myself reading books pretending like my life is gonna go somewhere for so much longer. My parents just moved elsewhere and aren't concerned about me. I got to question 22 on my homework after 2 hours and 30 mins. I'm just not talented I can't keep up. What's the point. I don't wanna die I love my friends too much. But I don't see a bright side to this. If life is working until 5 then dulling myself to sleep, I don't wanna be part of it. I've been crying in my bathroom hoping someone picks up but no one has answered.",2.2055915750915744,3.587517665384617,3.443956043956046,92.42294871794873,76.19230769230771,6.029304029304027,24.304029304029307,6.42735559955562,0.5584413919413915,963,31,215,7,21,313,157,260,0.106,0.7040000000000001,0.189,0.9775,3,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,3,7,6,21,0,0,4,0,27,5,1,4,2,35,41,16,1,5,13,1,0,2,4,3,3,0,1,1,9,10,0,1,2,7,1,6,13,5,0,4,2,3,33,16,34,33,6,32,0,2,3,1,13,13,0,5,15,139,42,12,0.11293427477579712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122109374417099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840943843793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405299785621035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720794719474957,0.11799228030560692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515199731394026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606183643179203,0.0,0.0,0.34901096218479866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836630185293804,0.0,0.09032385628054436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216921693454776,0.3336525353306447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206984167050932,0.10038117243721224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393064544123145,0.11034796424978456,0.0,0.19944606735771495,0.0,0.0,0.12634456600539698,0.0,0.0,0.10192759223362853,0.0,0.07538450536186016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006252280529886,0.16603937268882224,0.0,0.0,0.10907262631647416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305437470016786,0.1717832099606371,0.0,0.0,0.12540014726817128,0.1222968142174518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675939324668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265122339718606,0.0,0.11296483639443534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999399534646449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301583455841162,0.0,0.09568884453195917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993546095583147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698250395749779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502851398036464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300248781168221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058906313470233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772922162974984,0.0,0.16443499415500246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272597025997032
suicidewatch,bee_annie,2018/02/27,"Tell me if this is okay... so, ive been dealing with depression, anxiety, and bpd for the longest time. I think my bpd urges have gotten worse and i mean they probably will only get worse over time. I havent been able to pass any of my classes for the nursing program im planning to get into. I doubt i ever will. I think that my bpd is also the reason my bf left me. I was too much he said. So after i cried for hours, my heart strings didnt break and i was dissappointed i didnt die already. Anyways, I dont think i want to be here any longer, ive made peace with that a long time ago and now finally im getting to put that plan into action. Because i always get the most crazy during the month of february, ive decided to end everything the last week of it. that and the fact that i dont think i could hold on until may like i originally planned. this is either going to go two ways, im going to school and taking the last of my antidepressants in the bathroom and hanging myself in a bathroom stall. or skipping class, lying to my family, heading to the park and doing that there. However i dont know how id get away with the latter bc my family is very on top of things and really very caring, but i really just cant stand myself anymore. Im done being here and i know its not fair, i dont need to hear it but im tired and im honestly feeling alot better now that i have a plan and a set time. Theres also the option of staying home and asking my bf to come over but being already gone by then..tho thats unfair and he works..so...idk. I think im just going to have to see how things go. Most likely itll be at school. IF someone could please just tell me if they see anything else i could do, like another way out..please tell  me. ",2.051212458286983,3.199217580645165,4.067597330367075,88.74725806451613,76.15053763440861,6.958991472005932,22.505005561735267,7.503015589744147,0.7457401557285874,1348,36,303,17,29,462,182,372,0.081,0.845,0.07400000000000001,0.0793,1,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,2,6,18,9,0,1,17,1,36,3,2,5,2,61,68,28,1,8,12,0,1,3,2,4,1,2,1,0,16,20,0,1,11,0,0,11,9,2,0,1,11,5,43,7,38,46,5,48,0,1,2,0,13,12,0,10,22,191,59,5,0.06713954593546917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951515650339875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481803169407239,0.10738294125548972,0.0558654806551966,0.0,0.0,0.09131438709850148,0.07040166791819019,0.051361568871615464,0.0,0.06658438863381834,0.0,0.0,0.055250125644831775,0.0,0.06276641227717207,0.0,0.06307981350507633,0.0,0.0,0.04092764403552671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059379472342594365,0.0,0.0,0.25367972332349065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845324169738444,0.0,0.0,0.057834773881727974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608163927046916,0.0,0.07374963857991362,0.0,0.06921792377189974,0.05782719253367921,0.0,0.06968024871374476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870706584444465,0.3147481912284942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560864754707194,0.0,0.059465709625809965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073156311017765,0.0,0.0,0.06034069470388646,0.0,0.12658637728278252,0.0,0.033947771742611065,0.0,0.0,0.07354809081722785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538820834357874,0.0,0.19078475593285188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890454388926269,0.0,0.0756711478228425,0.07956068519784096,0.0,0.0,0.06734643879724317,0.0,0.06611892851480719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076556156996354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379627719063661,0.10945538186646643,0.0,0.0,0.07294731310654738,0.0,0.0,0.09840297238383218,0.0,0.0,0.05941638539459165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352906173044766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313464815606815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053590145017060005,0.0,0.04935529143773607,0.04978312258905286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106265010773445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739811961979468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238778612366567,0.0,0.0,0.06749378773216551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860226246651801,0.06903063529724739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386508298594769,0.0,0.0,0.13589760979196416,0.1070030510485067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056887119395061386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156182276637084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048058292388597,0.0,0.17604876732862873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920906201160182,0.2151015502970172,0.0,0.0,0.1565984366275926,0.0771670314266259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558558062136917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079431363766447,0.03960064371839274,0.1065844929498976,0.05385529395445249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684186640024312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoulboundNoose,2018/02/27,"Suicide on prom night anyone??? I have fallen to self harm and booze to see if that helps. It did for about two months but now I am the worst I have ever fucking been. I don’t even care what happens to me. I don’t like to do anything anymore. I always feel sick. I don’t want to eat. Fuck all of this. I wasn’t scared to cut open my hand and watch it bleed. Fuck. My parents don’t even care and they have seen the scars and cuts but didn’t say anything. They won’t take me to therapy. They don’t care. 
One last thing I am going to do god dammit. I don’t care my prom date told me they want me to fucking die. Maybe prom night I will go. Looking the best I have ever looked. All alone I will go. Have a great time knowing what’s to come. Laugh at how stupid it all is. End it that night. That’s what they all probably want from me anyway. Fuck this. Maybe then they will all shut the hell up. ",-1.2552940053455544,0.7820912216494875,0.2895418098510873,105.78430507827412,95.5463917525773,3.2864452080946926,13.370752195494466,4.683912600354853,-1.6216267277586869,683,12,175,2,27,215,102,194,0.241,0.56,0.199,-0.9236,1,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,6,1,8,20,9,1,5,0,24,10,1,1,7,22,49,9,2,4,3,1,2,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,13,6,2,0,2,0,0,5,9,12,0,2,6,8,27,8,17,39,7,22,1,0,5,5,11,5,6,1,13,110,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856326466617956,0.0,0.0,0.08721972694732892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395457315476003,0.0732934971413409,0.0,0.17251801348636886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100034978427996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42748924591594,0.0,0.0,0.090294277018014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878797058858666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725836875846838,0.0,0.0,0.09284056801200796,0.0,0.0,0.13846697327138574,0.18963375198532165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300080384407042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484528059952692,0.0,0.0,0.17871709817602652,0.0,0.0,0.11556586428335255,0.0,0.0,0.09269313822051382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025951452824199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760705064029554,0.08544335793180713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051210397317895034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760470008908746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061418959425554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366736955696356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951030958233989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102963242616303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639165994560954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301510102447265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335811290002798,0.10494441749598553,0.0,0.08352901277789078,0.0,0.10935148696721646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146574999099104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881257991743013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987230320775395,0.0,0.06963862065290828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112214878870244,0.0,0.0,0.10016125368595756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239518869951296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854789733238633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AggravatingHalf,2018/02/27,"My life sucks and I'm getting closer I've been depressed for years, PTSD induced. More recently, two good friends of mine passed due to overdose, and suicide. One of which I was very close with. Got addicted to doing cocaine, drinking, and smoking to cope. I've blown most of my savings, have no motivation to study for the midterms I have this week. I have attempted to overdose twice this year and have unfortunately survived. I recently lashed out at my closest friends and lost them, they just wanted to get me help. I tried apologizing, some of them were cool,  but for the most part they're finished with me. I'm writing a will right now. I don't know how much longer I have, I tried to regain hope many times. But I think my death will happen sooner rather than later. ",4.213153153153153,6.114205810810812,4.129459459459458,87.42342342342344,71.97297297297297,6.825225225225225,28.54954954954956,7.492282038375204,1.5542279279279283,612,24,120,7,12,187,99,148,0.119,0.7659999999999999,0.115,-0.1823,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,3,4,4,9,1,0,3,1,12,3,0,3,0,25,24,8,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,3,5,1,19,6,19,17,6,17,0,2,0,0,8,6,1,4,10,77,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017600890409416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940563293015556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813039586445795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285978418909114,0.0,0.19338907620812604,0.0,0.0,0.15523291468455105,0.1480221334435162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366203944187274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405249901597548,0.0,0.0,0.18382216483062988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171289455744728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072460730969454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203224745397286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763795081428564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605210845230778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541224438876244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004192037326892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163438657190392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654803191720909,0.0,0.0,0.15805383855024996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244303551273435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118589187083166,0.0,0.0,0.1079192669260042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513088243869326,0.0,0.18079229739455466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270703034898306,0.10916258251160084,0.0,0.14845675266785904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383656703317548
suicidewatch,pinktapus,2018/02/27,"what counts as a suicide attempt? once when i was around 15 or 16 i decided to take all of my mom's pills in hopes that i'd poison myself and die. I took them all out and held them in a pile in my hand, but i started to freak out at the thought of failing and surviving with permanent organ damage and put them all back. would this be a suicide attempt? I did have intention of killing myself. would it only count if i HAD taken them but ended up surviving anyway? thank you",3.4487755102040802,4.405253265306122,4.6802040816326524,86.4433673469388,72.46938775510203,7.6408163265306115,27.26530612244898,7.957251820313856,1.5709020408163266,372,13,78,5,7,123,69,98,0.275,0.618,0.107,-0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,1,4,5,4,7,2,0,4,0,7,3,1,1,3,22,15,10,4,4,4,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,7,1,15,2,15,5,3,14,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,3,4,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198395366800172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136793117184576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312966633813475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739051561882326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213532975537143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465649481355971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26101451403541115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373418778850179,0.0,0.1694973943311784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403892336192888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774361591892133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875520154907958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167565280138518,0.0,0.0,0.20518235652326375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692836996527034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476090519772177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166310370665633,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VegetableClassroom,2018/02/27,"I don't trust my head I think about suicide everyday, I feel lucky for the people in my life but I still feel they are better off without me, I dont have compassion for myself at all.

Yet i come here on suicide watch, read the posts from others and cry for them and their pain, and hope they don't kill themselves. 
I wish i felt the same about myself.",2.3964840182648395,3.91748839726028,3.0563698630137,94.82007990867581,75.98630136986301,5.962557077625571,20.38584474885845,6.42735559955562,-0.021829223744292303,275,6,62,2,6,86,51,73,0.28,0.5589999999999999,0.161,-0.8968,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,4,1,5,6,1,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,1,15,12,4,3,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,4,17,4,11,11,2,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,3,46,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910581798470524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608798956575592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23729533381772425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531818411054304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184593167680913,0.0,0.2074196386149481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170585590115546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145633901359501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390016852937581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258614185292835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298677828917645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976580670074147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689399208194836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608529439129687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725193090545075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725965886545476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384212727419185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484201983818048,0.20824215948570185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Boxeyyy,2018/02/27,"My girlfriend.. So I'm really worried about my girlfriend.
I knew she had a history of depression, she's seen 6 different counsellors and been on anti-depressants for over a year. But lately things have changed, she's given up, she hates her job, but can't quit because she needs the money. She has no friends. She hates all of her family, the main cause, as she lives with her really big family and has breakdowns every day. Who offer no support, don't care and quite frankly bully her. I feel like I'm the only one supporting her and it's dragging me down too.

I don't know what to do, she's called various hotlines but refuses help and I'm so worried that she's going to end it when the things she says.

What do I do.",2.4769599578503687,4.399475979452057,3.9845205479452055,86.49878292939938,76.87671232876713,7.779978925184404,24.929399367755533,8.617729084823388,1.7718257112750262,567,20,116,12,13,188,90,146,0.173,0.7120000000000001,0.116,-0.7948,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,2,0,6,0,11,0,0,1,1,16,26,12,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,3,0,1,5,3,23,5,12,21,3,11,0,1,1,0,25,5,0,0,6,78,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231231372360252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463029638079812,0.0,0.15439630772495358,0.1555636789388504,0.1601963166536037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766192914994072,0.0,0.26085850112898945,0.0,0.0,0.15821553259549828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412492637028905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758905831430992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285515612936799,0.0,0.07656920961785411,0.10818395586645184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699696607421033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606301514969532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990179987436966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101502526478445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502741504941508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322376296254247,0.0,0.17082332061405614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398264483654969,0.0,0.133718348731578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228584832765023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026151005241116,0.11517182303999846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221358384866322,0.0,0.0,0.1940240564183655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042581163049787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436893525844925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121106683431209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075756658127245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751805871031036
suicidewatch,DisasterInTheHorns,2018/02/27,"I don't know what to do anymore I don't know what to do. Most people post a about their terrible problems, but I have none but it hurts so much. I have a wonderful family and caring friends but i don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel attached anymore. Help",-0.1039285714285718,2.1302378928571457,2.0692857142857157,94.47571428571429,89.71428571428572,5.342857142857143,22.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.6659928571428582,206,8,46,3,7,69,30,56,0.063,0.6,0.337,0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,15,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,15,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6656725265888508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281187491985741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092299893542155,0.0,0.1131301167918105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286165682421528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996880250534492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395192505738248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688864259196037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447529831940216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511376172123353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428192520259184,0.0,0.0,0.2140898151395741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263745137132736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWineedhelp,2018/02/27,"When do I know I REALLY need help A little bit of back story, I've had suicidal thoughts for a while (maybe 8 years or so? (I'm 20 btw so since I was 12?)), but they only became kinda serious 3 years ago when I was in a very abusive relationship. I've since been generally not suicidal, like I'll get thoughts but I wont look too far into it. But just recently (a month or so) it seems like I'm a burden.

Boo-hoo right. We all have problems, I know, I'm not doing this for sympathy, I just want to know what you guys think the line is? Should I get help when I'm ever even thinking about dying? Or when I start looking up methods? Should I wait until I start making a plan? Or later? When should I seek out professional help?

Thank you for your time.

(I've never posted on reddit before, sorry if I broke rules, I'm new to this, just let me know so I can edit it if necessary)",1.3739516129032268,2.8657741774193566,3.7254704301075288,89.05820564516131,78.73118279569891,6.800537634408602,20.227150537634405,7.6454224807358475,0.5524634408602149,671,16,152,10,16,233,115,186,0.181,0.7140000000000001,0.105,-0.9411,0,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,1,3,1,1,17,7,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,1,3,39,39,20,3,8,14,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,9,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,2,20,3,13,28,2,29,0,1,2,0,10,8,0,8,22,90,26,2,0.0,0.16229494965594887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142154898877774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532660046346498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655705326560616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495430417384045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216015263713558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047179549798286,0.12390323572326264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431293081131537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562843397525226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754377139909754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011151717489174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006792060619142,0.0,0.13383975930302158,0.13728660357798025,0.0,0.0,0.2300518006039753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143298765322172,0.0,0.13761147109498148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093334673182462,0.0,0.0,0.10156646161076316,0.10564484853537737,0.13229291679274294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041769262792584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311857814011763,0.0,0.0,0.1310681694807673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877507592064378,0.0,0.13524793188364664,0.14706167632437628,0.0,0.116977323641483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246984115020239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266170258401391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333416223152796,0.1939055772680546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996604790032784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610970990836445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553823235235744,0.0,0.21748834343220166,0.07987219500740697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302009413573022,0.08079238607001504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641696284745262
suicidewatch,iwanttostop321,2018/02/27,I don't wanna wake up tomorrow. I hate everything about my life. I keep looking on Facebook and seeing people in college and watching relationships blossom...I get none of that no matter how hard I try. I'm stuck with a shitty retail job where I get overworked and yelled at constantly. My dad refuses to speak to me after he found out I couldn't get into college. What the fuck's the point?  When I die nobody will care after like a week. It's for the best,2.16274154589372,4.376812206521741,3.7879710144927534,86.11161835748794,79.1086956521739,6.262801932367151,23.265700483091784,7.3871296695380915,1.0894816425120777,361,12,70,5,9,120,71,92,0.155,0.7090000000000001,0.136,-0.4043,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,5,0,3,3,1,1,0,13,15,5,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,6,10,3,15,11,2,14,0,0,3,1,5,8,1,0,7,45,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409600440361767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341012548257786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24812531023756326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382974605143247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635739078195875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25175396193185945,0.0,0.2122694367951974,0.3598830264581526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568419226926007,0.22669094148965505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785109124000705,0.20408666005806247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217933378524374,0.1121751565615129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281338284225588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591816822916131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705432870062166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465136914739357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296831457142948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588915718396273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417815695980727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mouseguy,2018/02/27,"Girlfriend of three years broke up over a text. On valentines day. Title already said it. I transferred to a major university this year and still haven't connected to anyone. My roommate sleeps all day so he can play videogames all night, and shouts in Chinese with his online friends while I try to sleep. I was relying on my girlfriend during this difficult time and she left me hopeless and isolated during this difficult time. I hate imagining her going out and partying and being with other guys, it overwhelms me so much and I want out. I drink every night before I get in bed and tie a garbage bag over my head, hoping to pass out before I rip it off. Tonight I won't pussy out of it.",3.553696741854637,5.8006308796992485,3.992650375939853,86.17789786967421,74.78947368421052,6.8393483709273175,26.87280701754386,7.793537801064563,1.657531829573936,549,21,103,8,12,172,87,133,0.139,0.769,0.092,-0.7665,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,1,3,0,5,4,3,0,2,19,11,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,8,14,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,6,0,1,2,2,17,3,20,7,4,26,0,3,0,0,9,13,0,1,11,69,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095082815996163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327501230300943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310303469729723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448798636742724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859843502835979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995993258728272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668049951465392,0.0,0.09919072357659424,0.0,0.1078982342489751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798501412345275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874412255774967,0.1948446714474175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856756437828207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627660315203053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395643161042064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563296773024941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805943470340296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799816249282346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516174119733109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141044125420306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288982015990191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198063260990312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24451911948306
suicidewatch,Rasputin_J_Thadius,2018/02/27,I tried to commit suicide on Thursday night. Some cops ended up finding me and put me in hospital-jail for 24 hours. ,3.16,5.145793043478268,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,75.08695652173913,6.339130434782609,28.89130434782609,7.1686216300943375,1.7277999999999998,92,4,17,1,2,30,22,23,0.175,0.7390000000000001,0.086,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574893541259602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689032612804006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974864371247635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787719721578086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405751663197408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414970358991097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740328922185653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Two_Hobos_One_Box,2018/02/27,"Figured I should post this somewhere Hey Reddit, dunno if anyone will care about this, but I figured I should put this somewhere in case I muster up the courage to do something tonight. Y'all are one of the few places I feel like would understand. Anyway, I guess this counts as my note:


Everyone talks about life likes its some great honor to exist, that it's a blessing instead of this insufferable curse that does nothing but spit on you and kick you until you're down. 

I used to believe that I had purpose, like some sort of idealistic fool. What a wonderful lie, that Pandora's box, that hope might be considered a positive emotion instead of the worst of them all. What other feeling can possess someone so fully that they seem willing to continue in the face of such overwhelming odds. 

Dunno what could exactly is pushing me to write this, as though it'll matter to someone somewhere out there. I must be one of the worst narcissists to ever be shit out of this disgusting rock. Figure I should provide some context as to my thought process, maybe psychiatrists will debate over if they could have done something to prevent it, as though this cancer in mind is something that can be changed, that I can be saved. 

Despite all this, I find myself filled with remorse, that I was foolish enough to create attachments, that I hoped they would provide me with the purpose that I so desperately sought. Who knows, maybe God does exist, that they thought it amusing to put me in their lives, knowing full well that I'm a time bomb just waiting to explode, ruining everything in my path, tearing them up as I sever the bonds to my anchors that have struggled to keep me here. 

I'm happy with this prospect, that my death in all ways is the thing that keeps me moving forward. I guess it's fair for me to be selfish, I've done this for 21 years for others, may as well try doing this for me. So long and goodbye, wish that I could say that it's been good, but I'm tired of lying to everyone. ",8.153684210526317,7.1676335263157895,7.270526315789473,78.55868421052631,62.42105263157895,10.0,37.10526315789474,8.841846274778883,3.0906842105263155,1580,65,298,19,19,485,203,380,0.16,0.6409999999999999,0.199,0.8778,0,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,0,3,7,1,18,25,2,2,12,0,37,6,3,1,6,62,59,19,1,14,6,0,2,3,0,12,3,1,0,0,44,7,0,4,13,2,0,6,0,9,2,2,7,3,41,16,54,31,11,30,1,2,0,0,15,16,1,16,11,222,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108958864236194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454656617278786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365870038440388,0.0,0.10755271440987428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435241612365191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794310467272229,0.2080861322578658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436435886988668,0.0,0.10505163893046672,0.0,0.0,0.09196576740871808,0.0,0.19429888326127465,0.09137387562955906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281417833627332,0.07263261947648028,0.0,0.0,0.0929239638627786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527544533418492,0.0,0.1120908412537546,0.2240005505278697,0.0,0.0,0.1082289367379904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019612528706317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073681803334626,0.0,0.0,0.11174965563509473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181208397151914,0.14901155852287673,0.0,0.08977591790443863,0.08997419463010732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428109838485092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785513672507156,0.10265708276460887,0.0,0.0,0.10805845221629168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755450421045794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778759501287247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062228542323166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737115410462524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044115997096577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085156510732351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255597758597234,0.0,0.11485745101573193,0.1043621490499378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228825746991014,0.2348101484152932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628690211661747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171798982704619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754461294553762,0.0,0.1997792830369432,0.1614282491448931,0.059284228257614875,0.11685398663175553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902682964999733,0.0,0.0,0.10584140153108522,0.0,0.08780969388424405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070041495740585,0.0,0.0,0.1828259503670535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691475994989416,0.0,0.11025609671321572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444460092765795,0.0,0.0,0.06547174203108884
suicidewatch,DiggingDeeperStill,2018/02/27,"It's so hard to not give up. The thought of giving up, but not, means I just keep wasting away and digging myself even deeper, never getting anything done. So you know how imposter syndrome people think that they're huge frauds who haven't ever actually done anything well?  
  
  I *actually* haven't accomplished anything ever and have made it through life with bluffing and luck. I have no idea how to stop being a useless piece of shit and every passing day of extreme procrastination and excuses, the anxiety piles up exponentially. Not only have I dug a nice, deep, depression hole, once I get out of the hole I'm faced with K2 that I swear, once upon a time, was just a speed bump.  

   I don't deserve anything I have and am having a lot of trouble feeling like it's possible to crawl out of this hole. Life is hard. Death is easy. Guilt for keeping the people/animals around me happy/functioning holds me to the struggle, but every fiber of my being wants to give up on everything. Everything.

I nearly made this post on a tightknit forum community, but really, I haven't told anyone in my life how bad it is. How much of a fraud I am. How much I want to die every second so I don't have to live with the guilt any more. I'm so incredibly open about every aspect in my life that people think I have no secrets, but keeping this in has become such a huge one that I am beginning to feel like I live a double life. No one can know how often my wrists itch invisibly, or the real reason I go for smoke breaks.

Thanks for being a place I can let this out for the moment.",4.602736181289238,5.456057254019291,5.628158015617824,81.08886387995716,69.70739549839229,8.23892206400245,27.671260143928947,8.418075326091056,1.8447536671260136,1230,40,242,18,21,407,162,311,0.21600000000000005,0.682,0.102,-0.9917,0,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,0,1,20,14,1,3,18,0,28,9,4,9,3,57,54,21,2,2,10,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,13,14,0,5,11,0,0,2,12,8,1,3,7,4,26,6,41,43,6,34,0,2,0,0,8,21,1,4,11,171,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.1779929964787058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201805003482904,0.0,0.0697665384253439,0.0,0.0,0.06376805275902275,0.0,0.30019410220433923,0.08118592520169647,0.0,0.0,0.08568391366248809,0.0,0.07614686778829784,0.0,0.10072148509683014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881543350006267,0.0,0.07854906184846447,0.0,0.094649557172339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665528544546248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060235693488089326,0.164988376501831,0.3073543944887543,0.0,0.16392651113105428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222531841485727,0.1303043328637928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529481630392142,0.2624574914223593,0.05183016133728363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339173462963053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295191066894237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431840266898201,0.0,0.0,0.10024052849976632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932565589829229,0.32208069049807475,0.08910987864805013,0.0,0.16105974387390215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753363178181202,0.0,0.1725882921303341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934181048009434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408265799636812,0.0,0.07033784042800935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942466727523048,0.1235968134873116,0.06936050473352877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645099705494725,0.0,0.09528293386218836,0.0,0.0,0.1028125109408756,0.08734287271498803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380376299410923,0.05842404039636826,0.09376716046251556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093613863207752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624595915915222,0.0,0.0953403854376328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839632483261755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687252475997735,0.0,0.07240135514115277,0.05317852962025423,0.0,0.0,0.08714399446841778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758237695400458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199832824589963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,94GALLONSofHate,2018/02/27,"The sole reason I DIDN'T kill myself a week ago just cut all contact with me. Apologize for the formatting, I don't post often, and I'm not entirely sure if my post is readable, I'm drunk, high, and on my phone.

So last Monday I was ready to die, I received my tax return, closed my bank account, and wrote my four goodbye notes (one for my mom an each of my siblings). I was about to do it, gun in my mouth finger on them trigger, and I realized I had work in an hour. Okay cool, maybe 8 hours of work will distract me from the inevitable. I made it two and a half hours before I was done. I lost all hope, I literally walked out of my job and I was going to wall straight home, past my roomates, into my room, and just be done with my life. That's when she's stopped me, my co worker that I absolutely adored, she's stayed after her shift and had a few drinks. I figure she'd been the perfect last person to talk to, so I said goodnight to her and started on my trek home. That's when she stopped me, she's aked if I wanted a ride, I declined, but she persisted. If she's didn't offer me that ride I wouldn't be alive right how.

Well since I walked out on my job I couldnt exactly just just ask for it back, but I wanted to see her again. So I asked her if could, and she's said yes. I was on cloud 9, I couldn't believe it!! SHE SAID YES! So I went down today to see her, I said hello and she said hi then just left on me. I asked her why through messages and she said it was uncomfortable for her or something like that. I just broke down. My headache wasn't spinning, I forgot were I was, my heart sank like a fucking rock. All this time all I did was make her uncomfortable... All she's did was tolerate me, just like I thought, but tired to repressed because I thought it was my horrible anxiety, but I was right, she didn't just tolerate me. After that she blocked me on every form of media I had her added on... Why didn't I do it? Now I don't ecen habe a source of income, and may tax return can only get me so far (three months rent) I'm so scared for my future.

I really just needed to spill my emotions, I'm not a risk to myself at this current moment in time, but it is quite insane how close I came, and how something a simple as a offering a ride home could save someone's life.",1.8229471416561585,3.052707661885248,3.338770491803277,93.41194619588065,76.88934426229507,6.316603614964273,22.348886086591005,6.788186056548923,0.3464673602353936,1761,48,415,16,39,581,222,488,0.108,0.8,0.092,-0.8363,5,0,3,1,0,1,69.0,0,0,1,7,26,20,3,4,16,4,42,9,3,7,8,81,74,37,2,13,21,1,1,3,0,3,3,6,5,1,16,23,2,5,5,3,5,9,12,9,1,5,39,10,95,11,46,25,8,68,0,2,2,1,46,27,1,8,32,279,111,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488400375550255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646248811603295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369245346308428,0.0,0.0,0.06495780699840521,0.0,0.05149656036752975,0.0,0.07188393565361831,0.09517695603650456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661949312655968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489645397646766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767407015163327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289915641677372,0.0,0.08275556483640785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095025559647794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711757443691849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780978758752282,0.04413588747438271,0.0,0.04801037994062048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010597298530577,0.0,0.08925487503190815,0.2542127722805104,0.0839049913401593,0.2495792861233529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676613130025506,0.0,0.09346158411344144,0.0,0.0,0.13772050194105365,0.0,0.0,0.09178480221777724,0.0,0.11933758972289067,0.12381398263016735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221692056927576,0.0,0.0,0.07993443648148214,0.05638923443015448,0.0,0.08486877332811199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893875890637063,0.06742895182483935,0.0,0.0,0.06263882610652942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724398518037516,0.06424877135650538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064311405904387,0.0,0.07376229467661463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181174806165866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985197631835652,0.0,0.0,0.0541183030251938,0.08685670435141335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428625587188082,0.4821433794491064,0.0,0.08457648554141357,0.0,0.13463489550109842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988047161069502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157731765649017,0.13006946094415345,0.0,0.0,0.05979344728049848,0.09004153092467282,0.0,0.14125356254813382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796188282560436,0.0,0.0,0.06789963056097265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413103408737007,0.0985187522430256,0.0970941960107664,0.0800745753264416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252201882854755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965376644045594,0.0,0.06776257127894146,0.0,0.07595521202341825,0.07831127664312999,0.15245519512171107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300091894771192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jesus329AD,2018/02/27,"How should I go about telling my parents that I'm extremely depressed and suicidal? Hello, I am an 18 year old male that is about to graduate high school but is struggling to fill out college and scholarship applications because I am just too depressed to do it. I would like to get better but I don't know how to talk to someone about it. I'd like to talk to my parents first but have no idea where to start. Thank you to anyone who makes an attempt to answer. ",4.856129032258064,5.430398,5.300161290322585,84.6702419354839,69.0,8.350537634408601,31.62903225806452,8.344100000000001,2.2117612903225807,366,15,75,5,6,117,60,93,0.156,0.716,0.128,-0.453,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,3,8,7,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,3,0,15,16,7,1,2,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,8,4,15,14,0,9,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,51,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791903376295828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023936950674692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744481140893254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397754908422922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677774008065315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030529271210638,0.0,0.11209948339538954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084012955942387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266679676057471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840127804137704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927289266353612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166327899299968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697656323048488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43803682192457055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996235466751488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712594947267864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961177892912782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206204412228752,0.0,0.2157551790816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170778285044527,0.17240175342660574,0.18159767437946325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401179442081468,0.0,0.0,0.12701999789494664
suicidewatch,Knighthawk1114,2018/02/28,"I think about suicide everyday but for really petty reasons Like a girl not liking me, I feel like I’m just never going to be with anyone and will be one of those sad fucks who ask where they can find women.

I don’t understand why we work our whole life, hate 70% of it and then just keep going with it. As far as I can see its people loving their wife/husband and kids that keeps them alive, i don’t see that ever happening to me.

Really the only thing keeping me from killing myself is that you can’t easily get a gun in Britain and i can’t possibly bestow such guilt and pain on my family.",6.603817204301079,4.86441282258065,7.41032258064516,78.7438172043011,65.93548387096774,10.847311827956991,28.731182795698928,9.725611199111238,2.264095698924731,466,10,99,8,6,157,92,124,0.25,0.626,0.124,-0.9647,0,0,0,1,0,2,9.0,2,1,3,1,6,10,3,1,3,0,10,4,0,1,2,22,27,9,2,0,4,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,9,8,0,3,5,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,0,3,17,4,13,24,1,10,0,1,2,2,12,4,1,0,7,68,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634112229394585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554866670639386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050587290328654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685413181319172,0.0,0.08412987839575235,0.11886635759779055,0.0,0.0,0.1520740019777746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538213906456072,0.0869299390361652,0.0,0.18912226037206875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713479572036606,0.0,0.0,0.16427195734421268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436751847507432,0.184081713864269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752351649612858,0.24386372581977406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017007079934933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832731973251635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127476171132946,0.1265442273118729,0.17704668226454892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535126349361068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757547692292686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131825619435609,0.17107275838812594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651765700835644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819995325535224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105396194445182,0.10661357927366567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321393574576033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501376949242185,0.18576428636354997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113115876193717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maroonmoon13,2018/02/28,"When you have people around you and yet you feel alone. Hello I'm here because I feel as if Im need of some help. (of course I  really don't want to have to need it, I want to take care of it on my own)  
Like many others I have had thought in my head that for some reason tell me I'm a worthless piece of shit and that I don't deserve anything. Of course the things that happen to me in my life involving 0. (family,friends and love life) just kinda justify the thoughts in my head. 
Iv always thought that I can never hurt myself because it's would only really be hurting the ppl I care about and that care about me but its been increasingly difficult to push all those thoughts back and I just want to end it to not have to feel  all this bullshit. 
I have friends but the majority live out of town now, I message them to talk sometime and sometimes get really down and ask them to talk because I just need a friend at the moment (they will answer sometimes but usually not). 
I talk to my family and they just say the samething(telling me im not worthless but not really giving me justification to why I'm not, I know they love me but I also know it's not enough)
Iv felt like this for so long now that I just don't want to involve other ppl anymore and feel like I would just be a burden  on everyone if I tried to do so.
And I know my life could be alot worse and that others lives are probably worse in someways but whenever I think of that I just feel guilt for feeling this way.
I feel so alone all the time I feel like I'm living in a world where all I want it to just not be alive anymore and I just feel trapped like I can't do anything.",3.966815554387807,4.205924115606937,4.867335785601681,88.17817656332106,70.84971098265895,8.14062007356805,26.42091434576984,8.00094639256281,1.2767098265895949,1288,37,292,16,22,420,146,346,0.153,0.7290000000000001,0.118,-0.9002,0,3,1,0,0,3,22.0,0,3,5,0,24,20,1,1,12,0,23,10,3,2,5,79,63,26,0,13,24,0,10,5,2,3,5,1,0,0,23,14,0,0,21,0,0,2,12,8,0,0,7,11,46,12,39,48,12,28,0,4,0,2,24,14,1,6,16,200,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175125163717827,0.0,0.062446951508456625,0.06497547786796788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488464143828676,0.0,0.0,0.12851955353951758,0.0695148824310505,0.07300174605027374,0.0,0.0,0.06004485780084703,0.0,0.14280517403752435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23884778428834624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623469200326788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691627970327936,0.08068578614676036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461643770141564,0.0,0.0,0.07361442396145014,0.0,0.35535278656754976,0.11157217654143023,0.07497673318267295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809918030233281,0.0,0.040797761035537394,0.07490913239803998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905296727879666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602816484874457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234074550589683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718965449631956,0.0,0.16869689647134792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874538048638287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546760742821992,0.19074928081052836,0.0,0.2068594241912167,0.06910542948746341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095495133414862,0.0,0.0,0.07916898336367854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173703804677591,0.060226285475710614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938944860123144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413639231015432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419207961745012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010070904337585,0.08028747740758654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209871790956354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015621770197356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316931088248741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871246358332308,0.1882925478933,0.06825236055782688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518782024818919,0.05003564224910807,0.0,0.2479726222486061,0.04553374523015059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530166313655988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600290824021962,0.0,0.2302916505241204,0.06198262577814635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046228109508279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591567020890447,0.11094296036597093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watestation,2018/02/28,"I can’t stop! I realize that my actions make me who I am
I can’t stop ruining my life
I deserve it, I really do 
No laws exist to make what I did illegal but I can’t let myself get away with it 
I really deserve this 
Why do I think anyone cares 
I wish I didn’t think like this but I do 
and I think I deserve to suffer 
Alone 
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suicidewatch,MARCUSFUCKINGMUMFORD,2018/02/28,"my family is pushing me to my limits and i regret ever trying to get help long story short, i broke down in front of my mom and sibings and admitted that i was suicidal because i wanted to get help. now its all gone to shit, my mom told me that i couldnt be suicidal because a teenager like me doesnt have any reason to think like that and my sister stood up for me which i thought was really awesome. today she and i got into an argument and afterward she told my mom that im such a bitch, if she were me then shed want to kill herself too, its no wonder im suicidal. then she said the onlhy reason shes been nice to me lately is because im suicidal and that she regrets being nice and she wishes she wouldve taught me a lesson.now i feel like the only reason any of my family is nice to me is because of the same thing. nobody genuinly wants to be nice to me. the only one who i really feel i can rely on now is my boyfriend, but i dont even like to tell him everything because i dont want him to be stressed over me. i dont have any real friends. i guess i dont have any family i can be honest with. im having a breakdown please help guys i dont know what to do ",2.933540991199628,3.3077019094488165,5.056743862899491,85.42009958314037,73.21259842519684,8.181194997684115,25.17739694302918,8.313332769828598,1.4039127373784157,911,26,203,14,17,319,121,254,0.117,0.72,0.163,0.846,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,17,3,1,9,0,29,1,1,3,2,36,51,12,5,9,2,4,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,1,10,0,0,3,8,7,0,1,12,3,46,10,24,33,2,19,0,3,0,0,26,7,2,3,13,140,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125575226295694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381738217733489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579104256286234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161219102548346,0.0706841003389517,0.0,0.0,0.07022917739222152,0.0,0.2209965560371304,0.0,0.07902209596632036,0.05582480859578782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037247561406708,0.0,0.08165215635458536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249746170182816,0.0,0.08608245130563341,0.07737307084807403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571312234036701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376279731432659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645277478114978,0.0,0.042944913603828315,0.0,0.08814781360693225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527053417240137,0.0,0.0,0.06915339457655623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27455762670821626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529511820853324,0.11886133993422675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577667808481257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894293955253206,0.10011979804014937,0.2410296113880779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433113364371298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021185298493083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951163458687662,0.0,0.0,0.34189956770449875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829973354399065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051914210399395255,0.0500703712719373,0.0,0.0620361841237528,0.0,0.0,0.0740696757075131,0.14933645580479624,0.0,0.05305342945028927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436119412897894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985968209970446,0.0,0.08474189062569945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stilleatingdirt,2018/02/28,"I just really embarrassed myself and want to die. I messaged an old teacher via their school email address because I strongly felt for a while that she had some interaction with my abusive mother and I wanted to find out if my mother had told her some sensitive information which she had otherwise always kept hidden. I tried to be very careful with my wording as I didn't want to bombard her, and I also wasn't sure exactly what I was looking for. As a result I sent multiple messages with different bits of information about my worries. 

She took over a week to reply and when she finally did, she sounded like she either didn't understand my question or she pretended she didn't to avoid it (as it is quite a sensitive topic). I was also secretly worried that something else had happened, but I keep switching between thinking it HAD happened and fearing that I was just being paranoid.

Anyway, her response was confusing, so I looked back over the messages I sent (there were 3) and I feel like I actually sounded a bit crazy and paranoid. Then I sent a final message clarifying something which I feel she misunderstood, and I never got a reply. 

So because I sent so many messages and had a very confusing and limited response from her, my self hatred is towering and I really want to kill myself. I didn't get an adequate answer but I refuse to send any more as I would look like a lunatic and I feel like I was just being annoying and insane

I hate myself so much. I want this to end. All I do is embarrass myself.",5.4457216494845415,6.634776621993133,6.5477302405498286,74.03376030927835,68.00343642611683,9.393883161512028,34.13762886597938,9.642632912329526,3.4898218556701046,1211,57,208,26,20,406,148,291,0.235,0.696,0.069,-0.9952,2,1,2,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,1,3,14,16,3,6,12,0,26,0,0,1,4,58,54,30,2,7,8,2,4,4,0,1,0,2,1,1,10,17,0,5,12,1,0,6,6,9,0,0,27,9,53,7,25,23,8,19,0,0,3,0,35,3,0,7,14,165,63,1,0.0,0.13211754222321775,0.1088147312589082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834418955611706,0.09278274328423296,0.0,0.0,0.07582857282307509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574198774182099,0.0,0.13594724489042811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434734928344441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136888016874366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572664465722267,0.11650106517550254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314977682615044,0.0,0.09876209075296016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254763577300597,0.16914384448458672,0.15932122322735598,0.10706419122171423,0.2443009009967423,0.10191536321051008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058257796832578125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918232142126324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721051529816191,0.0,0.0,0.11009006128794882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911253077075508,0.12336595660599517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179067196896488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809133482981635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305058001161924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197046336090191,0.0,0.08600106020937143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700782216133886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491334159556693,0.11860140309625998,0.0,0.0,0.14286845843512674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285102083065846,0.0,0.0,0.11632610302891012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168704796534573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050940127414622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144917286017198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654970169057308,0.12388836204193206,0.07570592259105473,0.0,0.0,0.11608270279643924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840098794288274,0.32884854089877297,0.0,0.08944417652670933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264815097570665,0.0,0.07921136210606715,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Parsnips,2018/02/28,"Figured where I'm going to cut myself so I can bleed out and die and going to fuck up my life No point in trying anymore, this hope that is trying to stop me is just like the hope that keeps you chasing after that girl that you know you will never have a chance with. No going to attend college, my dads already threatened to kick me out, probably going to stop talking to all my friends (the ones that I have left). Pretty sure I'm going to kill myself soon. Love you all",3.464550810014728,4.492329092783507,4.2905743740795295,88.98237113402064,72.50515463917526,5.955228276877763,23.135493372606767,5.288315135182226,0.2827390279823274,370,9,76,1,7,119,61,97,0.222,0.601,0.177,-0.5705,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,4,0,0,4,9,3,0,3,0,6,4,0,0,4,17,19,3,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,3,2,0,0,6,3,3,0,1,0,0,13,6,14,18,2,18,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,6,54,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471687897611076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499091122197988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831271633903586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363247736752123,0.1631251115764064,0.0,0.0,0.5014027908487272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350509176358336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156836799945666,0.1952156978119385,0.0,0.09697226373435852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917133588461961,0.0,0.1246317996529574,0.08620452009703385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925294558686448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608905927717746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956703514632648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668022119528796,0.0,0.0,0.17951300772685758,0.1902428619535053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29504007494444423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630196528775826,0.0,0.0,0.14182376520650888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395958320059124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unluckyfuck13,2018/02/28,"Goodbye Life is cruel.

It's 10pm, It's been snowing all day, a few feet, really pretty.

I'm in my garden drinking some beer with a fire going.

I ate a steak.

I've got my rope set up around my tree.

I've just finished my letter.

Love you all.

Goodbye,

Andrew.",-1.7497817460317469,0.12857326785714207,1.3759523809523806,96.2801587301587,102.03571428571428,3.203174603174604,15.150793650793652,5.033348758259628,-0.9003587301587301,197,5,44,1,9,69,43,56,0.111,0.7509999999999999,0.138,0.3597,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,2,6,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,1,4,4,4,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668177168921765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265742405237328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036585764079516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23418125002162635,0.0,0.3295592887732237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29104774811654355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718971508318704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419209678444933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639739961892344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bowtiesarefancy,2018/02/28,"Drowning in my thoughts, want to drown in real life I've been so sad lately. I cannot stand it anymore. I have tried talking to people but nothing has helped. I am considering checking myself into an inpatient facility. I am confused because I am not getting the answers I need for what is wrong with me and I am hoping I can get that from going to the hospital. I want to hold on until I am able to actually admit myself because I have to be at work until I can. I'm just hurting so much.",2.7898267326732658,4.210726138613861,5.222858910891091,80.1037933168317,74.74257425742574,7.030198019801983,29.45668316831682,7.6454224807358475,1.9810485148514865,384,17,74,5,8,136,68,101,0.153,0.762,0.084,-0.84,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,0,14,1,0,0,0,16,24,6,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,16,1,16,21,1,10,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,59,19,1,0.23043967363276602,0.0,0.22487588014302493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285342352562505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809477723656247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079043685267615,0.0,0.13096417700986376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445885577619706,0.0,0.0,0.2288785914936396,0.0,0.0,0.2466904366905689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25994598910344074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627663563976074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939967484876128,0.17086809810819367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211130818430054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975785463613018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622907982590305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852186807663212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294336050308888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564534119391985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718385799893509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776282692792052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519496080914196,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myparentsarelawyers,2018/02/28,"I am am suddenly deeply depressed and I don’t know why. I am a teacher. I have been crying in class, faculty meetings, in the middle of the night, all for no reason. I work at a very stressful inner city school, but that has always been the case.  I am making plans to stop myself from hurting myself should that be something I think about doing but I have deep dread about the future and I have severe urges to hurt myself. Please help me someone.",2.245366161616161,4.625811693181821,3.107424242424244,90.19919191919195,79.79545454545455,4.8202020202020215,20.005050505050505,5.82211442006289,0.03643535353535343,351,9,67,2,9,111,62,88,0.271,0.6629999999999999,0.066,-0.9589,0,0,1,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,2,6,0,14,0,0,2,1,11,17,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,13,0,10,13,1,10,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,51,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784107015332266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797443558705196,0.0,0.0,0.19443709428602435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131464932707026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4833374782247698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406562619927065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068906428834464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184993833065946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780437045603596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210734527874335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284698185285073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550318656989883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127620956241034,0.17379244070462702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873608928082,0.25859446591484503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465070353125836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862663866534357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370316187962395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434780122609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turtle_13,2018/02/28,"i don't want to die but I've lost hope to live I don't want to commit suicide, but I feel alone all the time, I never feel purposeful even while doing something. I always give up. I gave up on friends and never tried to talk to women. I just feel I'll be unjust to her, since I'll need her support and won't be able to reciprocate. I'm crippled on the inside thinking i won't survive. I don't know, I'm waiting fir my mom and dad to die, then I won't be responsible to anyone, maybe then I can eat myself to diabetes or have heart attack. 

I seriously have no clue why I'm crying while writing this question. I don't know.",1.1509999999999998,2.7366791555555565,3.5693518518518523,89.50958333333334,79.66666666666667,5.981481481481483,22.36111111111111,6.816661863887847,0.5235555555555553,486,15,109,5,12,169,76,135,0.25,0.629,0.122,-0.9492,0,1,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,2,0,14,3,1,0,4,24,32,10,3,4,4,2,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,7,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,2,3,17,3,14,24,1,11,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,3,7,64,18,0,0.16825279072250668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425914880177762,0.0,0.0,0.1399998003311691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176462633454172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141183920836968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848177900662772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492396661602173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216460926437635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111293814423539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25522099926002656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999168874311556,0.0,0.0,0.16140340822143914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938036711177276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711298513992434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849346671809527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148570296741996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366779652317294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903254299290013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705563498424752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247573123973686,0.2595338493214587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848163206929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918044716202235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952921838581186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404124451744894,0.19093127302612314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523521988031273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780959454505694,0.0,0.0,0.09810955532339476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423260049733533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984797104952516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182197357956612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,runn1ng_aw4y,2018/02/28,"running away? I think I’d rather run away than end it all, what could I do to prepare?",-0.3189473684210533,1.5094910526315817,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,85.84210526315789,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.8471263157894735,66,2,17,0,2,21,16,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8113752407647612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447548750789849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824440956931976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766781676471993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rpl_fx,2018/02/28,"Funny thing is, the same people who will say, ""You're a worthless piece of s---"" really don't want to hear about how you want to kill yourself. They're like, ""Take that somewhere else, I'm not listening to this.""",4.073571428571427,5.1852335000000025,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,71.14285714285714,7.504761904761906,23.523809523809533,7.793537801064563,0.8974666666666673,165,4,35,2,3,51,37,42,0.226,0.66,0.115,-0.637,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080783799852775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156553685577624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080136888297869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017313480843075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25567392622119817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625758818421194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293278187624311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772856749756425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450090068405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350461340543959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smdtbh,2018/02/28,"Looks like I'm at the end of the road. I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry. ",-2.797894736842103,-1.5851673684210503,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,91.10526315789473,3.8,14.76315789473684,3.1291,-1.5297578947368424,56,1,17,0,2,21,15,19,0.077,0.774,0.149,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980521894191895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448043675429631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535188526274399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217255267060237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621771284497444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Socialthrowawayacc,2018/02/28,"I'm tired. I'm tired of having my hope taken from me, every single time.
Today I had my doctor give up on me. Saying there was nothing more they could do for me and that our meetings would end. My illness is reasonably rare and has limited my ability to work, to the extent that I can't hold a job. I can't look after myself financially and I am a burden. The government also most likely won't see it as enough to get me some sort of support or early retirement. 
My illness has made me hate life. I just want to be shot in the head and die at this point.",1.810769230769232,3.3805877264957296,4.00035042735043,87.22103846153848,77.71794871794873,6.731282051282051,21.1017094017094,7.554174236665415,0.7216673504273503,432,11,92,6,10,149,85,117,0.188,0.741,0.071,-0.9402,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,2,3,5,1,0,5,0,14,7,1,2,0,17,26,7,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,3,18,3,14,18,6,10,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,5,6,68,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440064484170948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415331612523125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037959862796875,0.0,0.0,0.19761869939811452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710056328285853,0.199496326236726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267257883747846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087282821375036,0.1852134982958148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061990744782967,0.1981489030685708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176534702388406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915954543161099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637337863147314,0.09432585978596413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213294166309258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269062073895145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852590344707829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251667127136367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851150432486372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353963416103025,0.0,0.0,0.1538544194148265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909728797501532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258259139585534,0.4438187024303504,0.18301090888636604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387963217954875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055965878501356,0.0,0.0,0.13715372974479315,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paynexkiller,2018/02/28,"Randomly saw my ex's face on facebook. I'm relapsing. I've had a really [shitty year](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6501ks/my_26m_fianc%C3%A9_of_5_years_28f_dumped_me_2_days/). I wish I was dead. Honestly, I really do. But I had help which ran it's course.

I just saw my ex on facebook, I feel sick. I want to throw up. I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm shaking and have been for the last 10 minutes. I'm fine. I don't think about her. I don't lust for her or miss her, but when I sleep for longer then 6 hours, there she is. Right infront of me, every single time. Good dreams, nightmares. She's right there with me.

I tried to move on, I have moved on, I believe so. Then why does this all continue to happen. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything. ",1.4600675675675667,4.157334871621622,2.2054594594594583,92.43075675675678,88.7972972972973,5.932972972972974,18.886486486486486,7.365786028017652,0.5284286486486489,603,17,125,11,20,187,90,148,0.12,0.7509999999999999,0.129,-0.2067,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,10,6,2,0,1,13,26,8,1,2,4,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,7,4,23,4,16,19,2,19,0,1,2,1,8,7,0,2,8,68,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23450136307213346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214383018735025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753660735466884,0.0,0.1870619006770851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048265145398304,0.1486945339334014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457710724636447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840566188547256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951117563501353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497497583360647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966105438257909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168619556407353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44243760739124177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666783296093483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554991153694108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828930253266653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336705861477605,0.0,0.0,0.12136751715559373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413127096019204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227657672546069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781306186004332,0.0,0.2393495631300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340346835525201
suicidewatch,DrmayX,2018/02/28,"Stab stab stab I'm gonna kill myself in max 8 hours i dont need nor want help. My question is where to push/aim to hit the heart or any vital veins for example aorta and die fast do my roommates won't have time to mąkę me a vegetable and rescue me ? Is aiming a little up and to the left lung enough or should i push more in the direction of the spine ?

EDIT: closed. fake alarm sorry for trouble.",0.4144575163398692,2.441412929411765,2.114509803921571,96.72418300653601,84.41176470588233,4.718954248366012,16.50326797385621,5.82211442006289,-0.6564771241830059,309,6,71,2,9,101,64,85,0.319,0.615,0.066,-0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,6,0,7,5,4,0,0,10,12,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,3,39,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201440147888107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777833628966001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136893619031635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27655889505220305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31717215561910816,0.17940333030888603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26358600396815346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961203134720851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080765816800075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682603649131265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984625982764752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29983456447601003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996175682248122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560716313221989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786970035305534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnotherDepressedM,2018/02/28,"Recently started thinking about it again It's been a long time but it's back.

I've struggled with depression for a long time. Long time partner recently left me. We were meant to be married within the year and now it's over. Reasons were that ""I never tried hard enough"" or something despite the fact that that's all I did. I worked hard for years to better myself and to better our lives. I balanced a stressful worklife, my relationship, and trying to deal with my issues and everything else trying to keep things afloat and now I've been told I've done nothing.

I've put my life into this. Money, a home, all of my feelings and now I've found out I've wasted these past 10 years. I've been drinking heavily but I've stop for a while trying to clear my head and think.

and all I can think is I want it to end. Getting this far was a hard fight and I don't know if I have the will left to do it all again. To struggle with these emotions again for another 10 years.",1.842118487172705,3.88908616080402,2.903782068235916,92.89868288812485,79.35175879396984,5.596508860089923,22.533985718064,6.5966054737557815,0.44263216080402,762,24,163,7,19,243,106,199,0.129,0.787,0.084,-0.9212,0,0,2,0,1,1,19.0,2,0,0,3,8,7,1,3,9,0,15,3,1,1,7,37,27,14,0,2,4,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,14,15,1,2,8,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,11,4,17,2,22,14,5,33,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,2,25,104,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759009006379548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622985439815646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983600021755229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561291274838675,0.0965872681606573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475963992864255,0.0,0.10985593012177647,0.0,0.0,0.09367979334845697,0.12614403951065933,0.0993240409976108,0.11587209706636678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007855060051594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670208753175555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295731374562625,0.0,0.0,0.0585892801267579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30137014210976704,0.0,0.11508948241337973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112487019666157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170465404732628,0.0,0.09967647499763344,0.0,0.0,0.061630009187450326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368403112490644,0.0,0.07920882386226831,0.0,0.0,0.09902295651503998,0.29772496801925874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649040097217238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760274752702753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705170486583704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127331327916082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530008963987926,0.22145230972348745,0.12039795152601095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633196837399708,0.0,0.0,0.07937429681220325,0.0,0.0,0.09375527511300916,0.1284576542140517,0.2344691879979489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450179766082339,0.21556714282690687,0.0,0.0,0.19617174718381544,0.0,0.0,0.10715596296426604,0.0,0.3045467386066042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614393378920087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164031254904465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28886167317206063
suicidewatch,GrayBeetel,2018/02/28,"Is the only option suicide? I do not know where to begin with this. I can hardly sort out my thoughts in my distraught mood at the moment either so the best I cand o to explain my situation is just writing as the thoughts come to mind before I forget them. 

I do not know why I am writing this. Perhaps it is out of pure desperation as I have seemingly no way out of this situation.

I have lived my entire life since adolescence being effectively imprisoned by my family. For clarification, by ""family"" I mean my mother and sister who are in their early 60s and late 40s respectively. My dad went out of the picture about 5 years ago. I am still unclear to the whole situation surrounding that because my family only gives me their side of the story while the rare times I actually find him on the streets during an errand to the grocery store, he told me at one point that he left due to my sister's immense quagmire of toxicity and hate breeding towards him that turned my mom and other two sisters (who live away from us currently) against him, ostracizing him from the family. 

As for me, throughout my childhood I was heavily discouraged from doing things that would eventually result in,me branching away from the family. I could not hang out with friends nor go to their houses under the pretense that all of my friend's parents, from elementary all the way to high school, are child molesters waiting to pounce. This is most likely due to the hit TV show at the time, ""To Catch A Predator"" featuring Chris Hanson. Ever since, even when I turned 18, my mom would at first outright forbid me from hanging out and demanded I come home immediately after school until I was nearing ""adulthood"" in which she would instead greatly dissuade me from doing so by irrationally turning melodramatic, harsh and slinging many put downs and blaming anything I did wrong on my friends. 

Over time I simply did not want to deal with my mom berating me and the mere thought of it-- even now-- makes me freeze up in distress. For some inexplicable reason I cannot go against her demands and no matter how many times I try to fortify my will to try to say no, I shrink and crumple when she gives me ""the look"" or raises her voice. I am 23 now and I despise myself fort this. She often tells me that I am no longer a child anymore when it suits her arguments and uses phrases such as ""man up"" yet the moment I show any sign of denying an order from her she berates me or, as I've come to put it, chimps out. Loud yelling and wailing that just makes the tension in the house palpable. My sister also I prone to doing this, sometimes even more so than my mom, to the point even my own mom sometimes says how my sister thinks she is ""ruling the house"" too much. I also have trouble talking to others at this point as loud voices or being talked to sternly causes me to involuntarily freeze up. 

My mom has done some questionable things over the years that I will not get into detail unless its necessary. But what pertains to me is that she has been pushing me to college to use my financial aid, called Fafsa here in the US, to pay for rent and other bills. I only get about 1400 dollars per semester so this is not enough to afford a 1511 dollar monthly rent on a poorly kept two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. We also have no income. My sister does not work as she JUST got her papers this month and started looking for jobs. My mom stopped working as a nurse December 2016 due to the immense back pain caused by, according to her doctor, 15 years worth of kidney stones. Even the doctor is surprised she has not died yet. And she refuses to get surgery for them because the first surgery lead to excruciating pain that almost made her have a stroke just from her already high blood pressure rising further. She needs the surgery. She complains every day about her pain and it only gets worse. She keeps looking on YouTube for home remedies for pain like mixing cayenne pepper in water to make a rub or using some inedible salt I can't remember the name of to soak her feet into. These won't help. She cannot pass the kidney stones. The doctor showed her a picture of her kidneys and it looks like the entire inside is completely crystallized. They have to be shattered but she refuses to take surgery and just wastes more of our limited money on these failing remedies. 

This brings in the important question. ""Where is he money coming from?"" Credit cards. She has been using multiple credit cards in a cycle to pay off bills. Electric bills, cell phone bills, internet bills, other credit card bills. One pays the other and then the next pays the last and so on. This obviously will catch up to her and it did. With nowhere else to get money from, I soon turned 18 and I was made to get a credit card of my own to enter the cycle with her. Why didn't I say no? I couldn't. ""My house, my rules"". For me, someone who has now been isolated at this point and only ever leaving the house to buy groceries for my family, this was dreadful. I could not say no to her because I feared she would ""throw me to the lions"". I had and still have no clue how ""the world outside"" of my apartment works. I don't know how to ride a bike. I don't know how to drive a car. I've never done taxes before. I was forbidden from getting a job, let alone a summer job, throughout primary school so I have no job experience and apparently you need that even for minimum wage jobs. So I could only say yes. She also made me put the electric bill under my name but never gave me a reasoning why. Just vague, irrational answers such as ""I just don't want it under my name anymore because it has HIS name in it"" (HIS meaning my  dad's last name since she married him). I was also made to take out a student loan to pay for February rent because we have no income and once again, this the credit card cycle caught up to us. I am now under a 2000+ dollar power bill debt, soon o be 2000 dollar credit card balance and also a 1745 dollar student loan. 

I am not in college anymore. Due to my own failures, I let myself fall into my depressive thoughts and kept failing semesters. I still beat myself up to this day. I could have been stronger. But I let my family get to me and started believing their jeers. ""He's just a bum."" ""all you do is play video games. You need to get out more."" (Ironic since I am met with more berating if I leave to try to do something). 

We will not have money from March rent due to me being dismissed from community College and therefore not getting financial aid. I have been dreading this day since January when I first found out I was dismissed. My family does not know what's coming on March 2nd. 

When my sister and mom left to see mom's doctor and left me alone at the apartment for 8 hours I cried. I cried hard. I wailed and I screamed. I let out as much of the dread, distress, anger and despair I felt and screamed at the top of my lungs until I couldnt cry anymore. Then I packed what little belongings I have. I am probably going to pack clothes tonight too. 

I am going to run away on Friday. I have no plans of where. I don't even know what to do at this point but I know it is not safe for me to be here when they find out there is no money to keep the roof over their heads. I don't know what to do so I come here, after weeks of just lurking and reading so many other people's stories, asking for ideas. The only plan I have is dying on the streets. I only have two dollars to my name. No friends to move in with and no relatives. If there is nothing I can do, I've already prepared to gash my arms out and bleed in my bathtub while my family is asleep. I do not care how much it will hurt. I just want to stop struggling. I have already went through so much psychological pain that this small moment of possibly mind numbing pain is worth it if t means I can escape from this hell. The very few people I talk to online will miss me, sure, but in time they will forget. Everyone has to move on at some point. Just like when a family pet dies. It will be the same for me too. ",4.601487863521868,5.635779181989925,5.206302724982828,83.44871559422945,69.83753148614609,7.764469887794823,28.164323334096643,7.9704015999644335,1.718205843828715,6343,218,1245,79,110,2041,577,1588,0.14,0.813,0.047,-0.9992,19,2,1,0,1,1,169.0,7,3,10,17,81,58,5,10,73,1,123,24,9,25,10,229,214,99,4,19,41,20,7,4,4,13,14,12,8,3,65,71,1,13,31,9,44,34,44,35,0,9,38,25,207,22,220,145,25,208,1,7,5,0,129,96,1,20,79,887,272,38,0.0,0.0,0.03044759564051383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02765773166831575,0.0,0.031243212884772432,0.06462948366132074,0.10329296817622784,0.1497081793691952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021217694484957292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377170874298775,0.0,0.0,0.02567569741059528,0.0,0.02916864695543173,0.0,0.08794286992311795,0.02399158038597956,0.0,0.09509895151550998,0.0,0.053099367124161266,0.035152750641638836,0.03274343899098929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0318596262300955,0.0,0.03181141581278549,0.06410387591529974,0.0,0.1612609712647434,0.03271356939390125,0.0,0.0,0.09964557822709354,0.0,0.10281823157242476,0.06036603367747721,0.03216677691525201,0.02687330535940364,0.0,0.09714488214760217,0.0,0.0,0.1277418486022969,0.05460826802545615,0.06385874464547303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02606436376760841,0.0,0.0,0.03223888931116179,0.0,0.14425538670781166,0.056446034085544376,0.02628811949589301,0.029813814684455733,0.0,0.03052048525091062,0.2941344912326193,0.0351097076508798,0.0,0.0,0.02995777468899033,0.0,0.05703414845930016,0.07961845593578233,0.0,0.034210196658239614,0.09642300885203196,0.0,0.1630119213036545,0.0598615281106123,0.0709288039687113,0.0,0.024954224758926287,0.034399122762536684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589978892905825,0.030804447443419463,0.03202114381582919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020913317963576025,0.0659309668265481,0.06259413038641443,0.0,0.03072661974693213,0.18000835399671053,0.033401228535310266,0.035222039164235,0.0,0.0,0.15481048600587485,0.0554656198642017,0.0,0.0,0.1371776705345785,0.05086582576898512,0.035195995050963554,0.06607453520634977,0.10169966763224167,0.1276202122515516,0.022038131436426658,0.060972770981484736,0.03127151708273093,0.05510196527338055,0.0,0.10480365345208527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809225385336905,0.062480566074287786,0.09489850245356957,0.0,0.10196084123084026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300806654612175,0.3288792475528872,0.04980855089789878,0.0663232771159778,0.09174506039774737,0.06940525710120223,0.048128143599969725,0.0,0.03318253075997523,0.0,0.0,0.029938122765775375,0.0,0.0,0.03322795988315728,0.06342764952498367,0.1898376357117922,0.19919986248494848,0.0,0.03464492758162322,0.0,0.0,0.043261576610734216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769697178957664,0.03517434755123289,0.0,0.0,0.03363986725898036,0.0,0.0,0.09409662244278356,0.06990433870498276,0.0,0.031209361882053237,0.0,0.0,0.064159481386413,0.0,0.0,0.03534455837141117,0.0,0.0,0.12406111340416442,0.0,0.09473098568875424,0.024863092424378352,0.028404144350908864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290486109005583,0.1052134188839106,0.0,0.0,0.02643643696916428,0.02401999137747445,0.061717012345294336,0.0,0.0441683413671933,0.0,0.07475128138299766,0.05217072985180588,0.0,0.03261797443095536,0.0,0.034128740692632914,0.0,0.02940649641065111,0.0,0.04691841537505722,0.07523434919016972,0.0272709779792811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041457007667586684,0.019992288717963408,0.0,0.09908017635634493,0.09096753235615627,0.0,0.0,0.029813814684455733,0.0,0.06355012667797504,0.13575055890606272,0.09143629102443486,0.0,0.11259258975638575,0.10779030314624208,0.0,0.025744025362604447,0.05520933030529791,0.04953167359718552,0.02502749478656672,0.0,0.0,0.057847128021377425,0.0844619277813488,0.034834711223168474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814392074279467,0.0,0.03179640149037751,0.08865694913315916,0.03411330634514658,0.0,0.06027710559793266
suicidewatch,weaverven,2018/02/28,"Is this a good reason to call the helpline? Hey, I'm 15. I've been suicidal and depressed for a really long time but in recent months I've had a big urge to Acton on my thoughts. I come from nothing, a family with no money that have taken a liking to dying all at once recently whether it be through car crashes, cancer, or whatever. I've just told myself that ""you just feel like taking action on your suicidal thoughts only now because everyone around you is sad."" I know that mood is contagious and even though I've been depressed and suicidal for a while I was never ""brave"" or ""cowardly"" enough to act on them. I have a therapist but they basically just sit there and listen to me ramble and throw in a few ""yeah""s. I don't particularly feel like killing myself this instant, but it's gotten worse to keep it at bay. So going back to the original question, should I contact the helpline even though right now I'm not in a jumping mood? I just don't want to use them as a spontaneous crack therapist for my issues.",5.785,5.952195223880602,6.441007462686567,78.71733208955227,66.91044776119404,9.88407960199005,31.67537313432836,9.725611199111238,2.8475402985074627,804,30,157,16,12,264,123,201,0.198,0.7240000000000001,0.079,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,3,3,0,14,11,1,0,13,0,13,1,0,3,2,33,30,16,5,2,11,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,7,0,1,7,5,4,0,0,9,3,18,5,24,19,3,30,0,3,0,0,12,11,0,3,14,107,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460480724337672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899217424481008,0.0,0.07847796458147117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145668690451154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089705853402736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176504289202184,0.0,0.13361052705204876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330215724352488,0.0,0.17006149832555814,0.0,0.0,0.12301542002088572,0.0,0.0,0.12136346309442668,0.0,0.1301883893499424,0.1839420184438536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316521471788788,0.10797997959820102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436983757135,0.0,0.1144289416924394,0.1424303843875289,0.0,0.07075146596007427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868579326839535,0.0,0.0,0.1139297679707206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275806491363353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929128262245826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352833026056395,0.0,0.0,0.13710259772946448,0.0,0.09791164238802412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421689539043134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247335817594556,0.13236490591032665,0.2542280255958753,0.0,0.0,0.10994221358759193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224579862244598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679553983889018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989512892075238,0.0,0.0,0.2529703928479466,0.2044084200431749,0.07506861714606762,0.0,0.0,0.12301542002088572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118897024796846,0.0,0.0,0.0759334671802222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119581395033122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dustinraymond,2018/02/28,"I guess I just want to feel less alone I’m a 17 year old boy from california, and I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression, ptsd, and suicidal thoughts since middle school. I’m a junior in high school now, but I’ve done all of high school online because I was too anxious to go to a public school again. I’m not really sure why I’m posting this on here. I guess I just want to share something about me and have somebody say “hey, I get it. you’re not alone” I don’t have any friends and I guess I’m just scared of everyone. I guess I don’t really have to go into detail to explain, and I’m too embarrassed to come right out and say it anyway, but my childhood was fucked up. I have ptsd from what happened, and the nightmares and anger and guilt and everything else is too much for me to handle. I tried to seek professional help, but they said they didn’t have time for me until a certain date. I don’t know if I can wait until that date. I don’t want to die, I just know that I can’t keep living like this. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I have things that make me want to live, I want to move to Portland, Oregon and have a pet snake named Parker and live a nice mellow life. I just don’t know if I can stick around to achieve that. anyway, sorry this is long. I doubt anyone read to this point. I hope everyone has a good day though. ",2.3125524475524486,3.448440185314688,3.4667132867132904,93.36237762237765,75.46853146853147,6.7384615384615385,21.391608391608397,7.1686216300943375,0.3185650349650353,1047,24,246,11,22,339,144,286,0.166,0.715,0.118,-0.9442,0,2,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,1,16,16,2,4,8,0,24,2,0,1,4,55,57,20,2,8,13,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,14,17,0,2,6,1,0,4,10,7,0,0,7,4,30,9,33,50,3,30,0,1,0,1,14,13,1,8,13,146,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906481042786379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258928590421843,0.0,0.07040914407336588,0.1039772238366165,0.0,0.06435540755390283,0.0,0.0,0.08193371254003957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610577030238207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792829544764847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935717070834405,0.0948875759519154,0.07927256156523292,0.0,0.09552135533510447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418726499558314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768862949232761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589332078504022,0.0827182027385625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653739369936155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711086597210583,0.08508804187477985,0.04808627890982155,0.0,0.10461511719827347,0.07719746510886122,0.0,0.0,0.4055628115684285,0.0,0.08138927627000499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169141695183202,0.1944873009446892,0.0,0.09141492437080516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180798205941851,0.0,0.0,0.15174573597376229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650094622790978,0.044965325969301036,0.0,0.2438148494992014,0.081451110849505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061436364135502075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782228122050836,0.0676588332865935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657884569940656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401212429276655,0.0,0.08814737046688917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151759896965177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206333304068116,0.0,0.11792434512192193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860031303025451,0.08754961984231978,0.14638530122966928,0.09214652079483952,0.3725912037845237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613513719809359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085567702972967,0.0,0.10302948276169957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067509975113277,0.0,0.17349025480525204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114624064079085,0.0,0.09042728637346227,0.07306822955958096,0.053668346432995284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062488049785004475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714332418404033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305036392582925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926972883289314
suicidewatch,OmahasWrath,2018/02/28,"I'm Slipping I probably should have made a throwaway for this, but I'm not ok right now.

My fiancee left me about a month ago. I did not see it coming. When she sat me down to tell me the news I had been telling myself for weeks that we were fighting but it was all fixable if I was patient and had faith. 

Even then I didn't tell anyone what had happened and quietly focused on ""real"" problems like the logistics of moving and finding a new bed.

I went out of my way to make sure things ended well and that I conducted myself gracefully. I wasn't ready to let go of her. I very much wanted to maintain a friendship. 

Once I got moved I focused on self improvement. Went to the gym, signed up for community college, made it a point not to fall into drinking and isolation. That's what people seem to expect me to be doing. Even my boss has suggested that it's ok if I ""need some time"" or that he'll ""cover for me."" I don't fucking want that. I fucked up and I'm trying to learn from it.

I've been trying like hell to be positive and focus on things I can change but I'm angry and I'm scared and I just struck out looking while the best thing that ever happened to me walked out of my life. 

All of this self improvement crap just feels like a job I'm doing and the same goes for socializing and pretty much everything else. I know she doesn't want me back and it's useless asking. I know if I work past it there's a whole new life on the other side. Still, every day the clearest thoughts I have are of ending it all. 

I don't want to worry friends and family. I have tons of friends I could talk to. I keep trying to push all of this down, but it comes back. 

Please someone tell me there's a time table on this. I'm running out of faith and patience.",2.4157060979047245,3.7304371307901967,3.7177243258479775,90.94858310626705,75.51226158038149,6.587954524100348,23.554354975101013,7.0983637204850245,0.6929611763600487,1365,40,303,14,29,447,184,367,0.131,0.685,0.184,0.9774,1,1,1,0,2,0,35.0,1,0,0,2,15,21,5,1,15,2,27,6,1,4,6,67,63,25,0,12,13,0,1,3,3,2,2,1,1,2,26,22,1,1,7,2,0,11,8,8,1,0,18,4,42,13,44,39,11,49,3,1,2,2,19,18,4,6,22,205,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261727866497197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516847628969581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713058115889369,0.0,0.0,0.14333200611908692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780895468976852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859455727298526,0.16056923684774302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744136088494832,0.0,0.0,0.060107091524363415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130173626252283,0.0,0.0,0.07785767938014111,0.0,0.16509727578000358,0.0,0.0,0.12311708427748735,0.08430586035586321,0.07852606714159117,0.0,0.08376326774683515,0.0,0.08786183740072734,0.0,0.0471253489513044,0.06658298677214343,0.0,0.0,0.08518424781160526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440140986176632,0.1723260950467543,0.0,0.0,0.05296841434007809,0.0,0.0745415482911185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483510313860672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248785269877463,0.08284154730403473,0.0,0.0,0.10244193169093264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126342345147687,0.09530458576026253,0.13166158873573422,0.13660025896818964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826557096398856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763785396753134,0.062212553562591484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439234313897612,0.19811634349399895,0.13702727526456174,0.0691075408919972,0.0,0.1800286829330131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925628225976954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897113258500924,0.06461400691130349,0.0,0.0,0.10230697723718513,0.08810530013810032,0.0,0.0,0.09481917079694263,0.10048670371517464,0.08918100264971203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608341912252678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959335245891347,0.0,0.0,0.09331070354214988,0.0,0.07426932403321375,0.08484691142504061,0.1944584462090425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500693034389082,0.07896911092287763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443063322094108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784106873458604,0.0,0.0,0.0749116288923363,0.3258479783085961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575629390890652,0.0,0.0,0.07399137642932736,0.10869278884129233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983257874915446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690078647255594,0.2198900320262377,0.07397880869979365,0.07476041549121844,0.0,0.08379911066566957,0.17279697239905575,0.0,0.10405585963635867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785161507876795,0.0946503865763728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biglargethrowaway,2018/02/28,"My name's Dylan. I'm probably not going to kill myself although I wish I could. Sorry for the wall of text.

I'm 16. My dad is at work almost 24/7 and my mom is abusive towards me. She calls me a moron constantly and tells me I'll amount to nothing. 

I'm a pathological lier. Even in the most random circumstances I lie for almost no reason. This usually comes back to bite me as people ask about the things I lied about and I have to lie again to avoid looking like an idiot.

I am destructive. I snap constantly and call people horrible things for no reason and start fights with people who are supposed to be my friends. 

I'm good at nothing. My grades in all of my classes are terrible because im too lazy to put the effort in. When I do put the effort in like studying for 2 weeks on something I end up failing or doing extremely bad. 

I feel horribly lonely. I've tried everything to make friends with people but then I hear about them making fun of me behind my back. I have about 2 or 3 good friends who would care about my death but after that they would be fine. They would probably say, ""I knew someone who killed themselves back in high school,"" and that would be it.

I daydream about getting in a car crash or getting cancer. I want something to happen where people would think about me for just a moment and then I would die. 

I just wanted someone to know about this, and I know you might say that I have a whole life ahead of me but right now I'm fucking up my one chance to have that life be a good one. 

Thanks for reading, I just wanted to get this off my chest.",2.6354724818276267,4.332402931464177,3.677196261682244,89.87431983385254,75.7601246105919,6.3754932502596064,23.415368639667697,7.0931098945946705,0.7632272066458983,1235,37,258,13,27,398,167,321,0.171,0.7020000000000001,0.127,-0.9269,0,3,2,0,1,1,29.0,0,1,3,5,20,24,7,1,12,0,23,6,1,4,1,49,52,19,4,11,10,2,1,2,3,7,4,3,0,0,13,11,0,1,7,1,0,5,3,12,0,2,1,5,43,12,49,39,4,39,0,2,1,1,22,17,1,8,19,177,56,6,0.0,0.1022586375763158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728462216282655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068457035531779,0.0,0.0,0.19909223337087545,0.07206200396301182,0.05261140879104964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625639324196213,0.0,0.08799483984192813,0.0,0.0,0.07434507904701954,0.0,0.1865325066397622,0.0,0.06890841285288933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957212505461183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644160400382746,0.0,0.0,0.05700437731623325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756637428351401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363896673713751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003967925253174,0.0797886158621002,0.1352741543336928,0.0,0.049049756085500655,0.21716843236903136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763202155851536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727326812019067,0.0,0.0,0.09118715276095683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322541821597426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096986567482516,0.0,0.09486317128745596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192112778484475,0.08432962004598868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247540281324613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152200085926438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155715291680301,0.0,0.10108068292235466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656260968355631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696651907075607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299168978172362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610518621230154,0.0,0.0,0.1735229740637375,0.0,0.0,0.08632947419071763,0.0,0.0,0.1774741282237896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370495365542848,0.0,0.13726817905694258,0.0,0.08734639961544471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625378831192262,0.13288533315866166,0.0,0.09661263370758927,0.0610879149102145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543535169079495,0.07945907834909062,0.0,0.0,0.11467590035928828,0.05530147586526847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859618919900566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505399632347453,0.0,0.15271675446907454,0.0,0.06922956237941147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963576991688168,0.09924777697190083,0.0,0.0,0.06283188219026342,0.0,0.0,0.3678563421583469,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,timelordej,2018/02/28,"I don't want to die, but I don't see any other way. I have wasted my life on trivial things. I am addicted to pornography, video games, and the internet in general. I have hurt myself and people I love. If given the chance to I would do everything differently, but I know that will never happen. I have destroyed my potential and my future. All I can do now is stop myself from ever hurting anyone again, or figure out how to turn this around. So now I'm here, at my lowest and most vulnerable, asking how do I turn my life around, or at least where can I start?",3.7086842105263145,4.610746842105264,5.390307017543861,81.79756578947371,71.80701754385964,8.50701754385965,23.899122807017545,8.841846274778883,1.564091228070175,436,11,89,8,8,149,74,114,0.19,0.6990000000000001,0.111,-0.8354,2,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,0,2,0,14,4,0,2,3,24,25,12,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,19,1,12,22,3,17,0,2,1,1,3,8,0,4,8,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059324656703508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284607127225906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208557027761128,0.0,0.0,0.3363279499628211,0.1765990729909374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605178760712336,0.19736372858163373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087383773325335,0.0,0.0,0.1697740935275841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670465525620575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404449750796261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381630612005288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26685595585369715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049259151932306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569386021771968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096175385261374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505314621052578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370671860288488,0.0,0.0,0.15793160620660635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549894985291116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109450619605794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142005280833987,0.1499426362545719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419147496833952,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caivi,2018/02/28,"I just found a beam on my attic that can support my bodyweight... I can't stop thinking about it, I've been up there just staring at it for almost an hour.",3.9472727272727286,3.7873038787878777,4.790454545454548,90.10568181818184,70.81818181818181,6.6000000000000005,28.62121212121212,3.1291,0.7804666666666669,120,4,27,0,2,39,28,33,0.0,0.85,0.15,0.5556,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,5,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242107400436037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644955336364328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171965972243967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541790660370283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807376566024926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714491503639869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ykuan,2018/02/28,lost entire saving I just lost my entire life saving of 25000 in gambling. I’m depressed and going to burn charcoal in my car tomorrow ,2.649102564102563,5.435423653846158,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,81.69230769230771,5.005128205128205,24.051282051282055,6.42735559955562,1.1756051282051283,109,4,17,1,3,36,20,26,0.273,0.727,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,4,2,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423287204236034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588370112135306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807352960219013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8677414904845525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wanderin_joe,2018/02/28,"Why is suicide always my go to? It seems like every time something bad happens in life, the first place my brain goes to is suicide. Just end it all and get it done with, because it seems like carrying on is completely pointless. Deep down I know it isn't, I've moved past these low points before, but it seems like at some point in the future I'm just going to give in to these thoughts. It almost seems like a certainty. I'm only sticking around for the people who need me here, so it seems like it may be worth looking into medication of some kind. I've never been diagnosed with any mental illness but it seems clear to me that I probably have one, I just wish I could have a healthy mind.",3.302636363636364,4.805900042857143,3.955064935064936,89.37538961038963,73.57142857142857,6.8051948051948035,24.870129870129876,7.348242739294969,0.9945,546,17,114,6,11,173,91,140,0.081,0.7120000000000001,0.207,0.9636,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,5,0,11,5,1,0,3,29,29,4,2,3,5,0,0,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,14,5,0,0,8,0,1,3,2,2,0,2,3,1,8,6,17,23,3,22,0,1,1,0,2,13,0,10,11,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505355867952613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560418129322104,0.0,0.0,0.07813445007952717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228340968911062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593487116373044,0.07004063787488311,0.0,0.0977695727676422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826395374185334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046816663059658,0.0,0.0,0.09173655110302306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661885747418428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758035019262908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176535522687108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680635951718164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773201757199837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060029362928654885,0.11022044791810152,0.13059814526085625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160375297234284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964838703924735,0.06314483094528016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115572037227416,0.28066632862967555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648522174039242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574745462459295,0.1157899671385524,0.0,0.11601403332595366,0.0,0.0,0.12211818745441433,0.0,0.08519526944952066,0.08861627346454178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785772890303354,0.08738496117741812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968295957245762,0.07965567372198537,0.0,0.12004375556962912,0.0,0.21723113536704006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387927118529307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6275918998865458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845394670587503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513591085795127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121602607288608,0.06699783636510566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367740133957837,0.0,0.1321268098785192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watisthissht,2018/02/28,"Life is just not worth living No motivation, interests or anything

No friends or family

No money

No dreams

Just being an outcast no one gives a shit about......",1.7717241379310344,4.442126172413797,3.3547586206896547,81.34110344827587,97.6206896551724,6.457931034482759,23.04137931034483,7.554174236665415,1.96476,125,5,21,3,5,41,23,29,0.177,0.403,0.42,0.8067,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,6,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,16,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395228346960587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889490308604887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187626490902593,0.0,0.0,0.39578974990112414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914214456200988,0.0,0.0,0.36432068714172094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27957871368204057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235132398638524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaaaaayayaa,2018/02/28,"The math just doesn't add up. 51 years old  
0 Friends  
0 Family (all deceased)  
6-7 (on a scale of 10) of constant pain every day  
3 years unemployed  
14,000 left in savings  
0 money coming in for Social Security when I turn 65  
5 months until I am homeless  
17 year old car, can't even Uber    
0 competent doctors  

From age 22 to 37 I had a pretty amazing life. But I fucked up, never established a career (did 1099 work so no Social Security), never got married, lost touch with friends, and now due to a series of injuries starting when I was 38, I am in constant pain. No one to sue, all my fault. When I had health insurance, there was little they could (or would) do. But I'm also not disabled. I hired an attorney to try to get me disability but was denied three times. That was a huge chunk of my nest egg.

I don't drink or take drugs. I'm actually not depressed. 

Three years unemployed. Have tried every service, every contact, prior contact, Facebook, etc. 

Looking at my finances, even a minimum wage job wouldn't pay rent. And there's [this](https://www.wsj.com/articles/after-50-women-struggle-to-find-a-foothold-at-work-1507608181). I am going to be living in my car by this summer. But here's the thing. Even if I had 140,000 in savings, it's not enough to build on for retirement at my age. I fucked up. 

Even forgetting everything I wrote, based on having 14,000 or 140,000 and being 51, with nothing else, how is there a livable life in front of me?

Before I am homeless, I will commit suicide. Based on the math, it seems like my best choice. As long as I can stay housed in my moldy, dank apartment, I won't. Like I said, I had an amazing life, I traveled extensively, ate at amazing restaurants, met famous and (also sometimes) fascinating people, saw 47 of the 50 states, visited Europe, Asia, South America, New Zealand. 

Suicide isn't my first choice. Having a job and being pain-free, and having a retirement, that's my first choice. With no path to that, suicide seems like a solid #2.

What am I missing, if anything?",3.44364008489994,5.535065095360829,4.310072771376593,84.48711036992117,74.59278350515464,6.935839902971496,27.648878107944213,7.827709963407826,1.7745419041843542,1579,63,298,23,34,508,218,388,0.131,0.74,0.13,-0.5297,8,0,2,0,0,4,99.0,0,0,1,6,17,21,2,0,16,0,33,13,0,1,5,39,54,25,3,5,13,0,1,3,2,4,8,1,1,0,8,11,3,2,2,2,5,7,14,8,0,5,16,4,33,13,41,30,5,59,0,3,2,2,11,22,2,7,31,181,41,14,0.0,0.0,0.08873783934477883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145438745818801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483040496159543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737758942948401,0.0,0.0954289482520512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833103544872821,0.0,0.1965333089591369,0.0,0.07260288641944301,0.0,0.0,0.058644492673019036,0.0,0.07832076732104484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930741442831082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908007137745375,0.10545382493610683,0.0,0.0759631516373776,0.0,0.0,0.0939584660189511,0.10141473043918738,0.24024249930336464,0.0,0.22984582612483104,0.0,0.08172503804574051,0.0,0.08572387631826138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311144109542291,0.1546957343829984,0.0,0.0,0.1405097724246347,0.16813284692444447,0.04750892600754239,0.0,0.05167952246381872,0.0,0.07272771268298849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665790648124373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492488527681068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804746515721216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879935867863232,0.0,0.1926867582538362,0.1332763353379931,0.09113911297687127,0.08029582039484001,0.08047315962705726,0.07636111790714183,0.0,0.09926450121824387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258213817206667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026682189163772,0.0878240030373036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872530087314575,0.0,0.19083852351444044,0.0,0.06161879622087136,0.0,0.290278510056978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304174031359391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251191541698764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649844623821966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556462637614833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853902123405844,0.0,0.0,0.08993541544293901,0.0,0.06436309826632347,0.09692285972019987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983990011276337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683705678277519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060412081951497686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302397185720993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347556104970488,0.0989093804761823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324011341232987,0.0,0.0,0.0645964479581789,0.0,0.0,0.2342324027101121
suicidewatch,Jade5437,2018/02/28,Thank god. Thank god i finally had the guts to end it. I took around 24 paracetamol pills a few hours ago and drowned the fear in alcohol. Now I’m just waiting for them to do their job. Why has it come to this? I wouldn’t wish this hatred on anyone. ,0.13817610062893235,2.2612254905660407,1.6587735849056635,98.90312893081764,86.54716981132076,5.79748427672956,18.26729559748428,7.1686216300943375,0.02098993710691844,193,5,47,3,6,62,43,53,0.192,0.619,0.189,-0.4939,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,7,11,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,7,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221790465696112,0.26786011683568905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752547428626181,0.0,0.0,0.22312455578744114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159059250541929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199445392525025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28204197888529464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745661047510423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468319225000311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487235511013834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461515033269758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784725299911502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261654572271507,0.0,0.288225977715865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ssaltymoe,2018/02/28,"i don’t deserve love :) i’m so fucking ready 2 die. let’s hope today is my last day on earth. 
BUT WHO CARES LOL nobody will ever love me.",-3.045376344086023,-1.8014225806451627,0.12822580645161352,103.34567204301077,113.51612903225808,2.066666666666667,11.618279569892476,3.1291,-1.9169397849462368,104,2,26,0,6,36,29,31,0.059,0.413,0.528,0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,3,10,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,8,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,4,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065923046150623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393207242088709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31208789400712955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720080077308584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27800011526984103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867134032614484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451175207108116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30749476241435264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428022307831283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850364484496204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6Lonewolf6,2018/02/28,"Its just natural order, not gods will I will die. I tryed living but everything just gets fucked up and its always my fault. I cant do anything i always need help i just wanted to do it my self but i fuck up i try to concentrate but i fuck up. Dont beat my self up? some one has too. I dont know how to live my own life, I need nothing, but im hurting inside by how pathetic my life was, how i said ill try and it eathier didnt work or backfired on me. It was never great maybe one year of my life is kinda worth remembering but happiness will never come to me i do not remember the feeling i just wanted to love sombody but i cant feel love nor someone else's love, I can not feel connection with sombody i have no friends because i do not know how to talk, how to have a conversation.

I always said suicide is the way to go if shit hits the fan, and shit been hitting the fan for six years now its time to uphold my word. Dreaming hurts, Thinking hurts. I do not wish to die but i feel as if its just natural to go out. Dreaming about feelings just pains me. Life flew pass at least life that i was waiting for has longed passed. Hope keeps me going hope i will be better so i could take care of sombody that is going thru the exact same feelings & emotions so i can help them and support them with all my might, but these are just piped up dreams and dreams are becoming Smaller & Samller for each day, each year, each month that passes me by. I do not want to live cause my plan is in ruins but what plan am i talking about... everything about me makes me sick

I haven't felt like a proper man in six years, i do nothing all day, Just do. Just do. I should of died long ago my mind been corrupted for so long, that I do not know myself nor wish to know my self anymore i wish for simple things. I am a simpile man but everything starts on complicated and ends  with a land slide. I do not know whats best for me.",1.3594914914914895,3.11368681234568,2.838918918918917,94.20486486486489,79.64197530864197,5.958625291958628,21.56322989656323,6.885778809224403,0.3272609275942613,1489,43,343,16,37,486,185,405,0.209,0.636,0.155,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,6,22,24,5,0,9,0,44,16,2,7,5,91,91,30,4,14,30,0,7,1,1,6,8,2,0,5,15,14,0,2,15,4,1,10,19,11,0,4,10,9,55,13,43,71,10,41,0,4,0,6,18,12,5,8,18,231,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171339928685615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378675869714302,0.15086518598069715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904373950180867,0.0,0.0,0.057290835896126005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042439341280914485,0.07688915980059766,0.0,0.0,0.07306126723293897,0.061572703516491425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098162023835236,0.07151830341039829,0.0,0.0599709503078311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558542752208972,0.0,0.0,0.08979750965308328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676184339865773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318684131319186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815807701218605,0.078312456745081,0.061662126046905075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770828832288666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120996890913,0.0,0.06684554370904118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378777729395659,0.19308604597637316,0.0363732641149838,0.0,0.15826524216643345,0.0,0.0,0.07675563649328311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411114800637171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332883530558476,0.0,0.0,0.13829554973160654,0.0,0.0,0.2235870292608846,0.0,0.07520090091936082,0.0,0.0,0.061880923324123524,0.0,0.0,0.1913050131981588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458712126472873,0.034012523209893675,0.0,0.18442562238223284,0.18483293995011651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850268530884867,0.0,0.046471491444693855,0.0,0.06994204680193268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385518366894801,0.07029574976873737,0.0,0.055569542475948655,0.0,0.0,0.10324380889124528,0.1073895494590628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360338774707076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435181713151336,0.0,0.07407995227065486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773042197030762,0.0,0.13244798798688914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178846591691538,0.0,0.1429266314096209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058988293398942765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049276971071246116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615232611193706,0.07900327237286257,0.0,0.0,0.052345126069476416,0.11191487639792276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462520371900013,0.04460930169928568,0.0,0.0,0.04059563317599679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418010120801418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318998124470053,0.0552606407985208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401766294651555,0.0,0.0,0.050683753825813534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933044932881814
suicidewatch,gavin404,2018/02/28,"My life is pointless I'm 28 and have only held a few jobs at mcdonalds and a few wareouses. I dropped out of college years ago because I couldnt pass an algebra course. I've been living at home my whole life and basically only play video games all day, have no car so I can't go anywhere. I see no future for myself, I don't have a girlfriend or ever want kids and I see no reason to stick around. Does anyone else feel like this or is in this situation?",1.4186458333333327,3.2910844062500004,3.442916666666669,89.37708333333337,79.9375,6.3500000000000005,22.125,7.3871296695380915,0.7455500000000002,357,11,78,5,9,121,70,96,0.07400000000000001,0.856,0.07,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,2,15,16,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,2,6,0,1,2,3,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,3,9,2,8,13,4,14,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,2,6,47,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913358052189488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092560645025874,0.22116129450096053,0.0,0.1921500573742651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315786463033968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920379540483652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888962152728667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803129081156004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952464416224404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913899287806844,0.15420151321604902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267112125573655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651266421795096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419536028114672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049189770497548,0.10545219662335534,0.0,0.19059731689433315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283235346753686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219272025037881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34400505914961554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262165896819185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731246119826095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409860505332024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389987276633181
suicidewatch,discountdreamgirl,2018/02/28,"I can't exist here anymore. I feel so fucking useless existing here, and having derealization/depersonalization I feel like I don't even exist at all. no will will ever love me in the way I need someone to. I just want to be someones SOMEONE. which I know is a lot to ask. I know it's a lot to want to be someones only but the thought of being someone's is the only thing that keeps me going. I was second hand denied by the first guy I've felt a genuine connection with in more than a year, and I just feel so fucking unlovable and useless. I know people are going to tell me m family and friends love me and I know that, I already feel bad about how I don't appreciate them enough. but it's not the kind of love I need. and I know that it's so stupid that I need romantic love to be able to live but I do. and I also know people are going to tell me to just wait and eventually someone will come along but I can't fucking wait. I need it now. I need to be loved by someone now and if I can't be then I can't live.",0.9316515837104048,2.5400860000000023,3.4027579185520374,90.34775678733034,80.4027149321267,5.8679638009049775,22.36221719457013,6.742157984588678,0.4472658823529408,790,25,182,8,20,275,96,221,0.136,0.687,0.177,0.8629,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,15,16,4,0,9,0,22,9,1,1,2,48,57,20,0,8,9,0,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,10,12,0,3,12,0,0,4,8,8,0,2,3,6,30,8,22,45,5,14,0,2,0,8,11,3,3,3,7,131,40,0,0.08878079651623733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797181663002584,0.07099797089841668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804669403243831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299806021610287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412825671471028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764767950097756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173429540412074,0.0,0.05863887878734113,0.08030731324546049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369463366696084,0.0,0.17956095313228532,0.06342501877044188,0.0852434873436679,0.0,0.0,0.07551690016302054,0.0,0.0,0.06859182315815714,0.2462292473536966,0.0,0.0,0.1513685178433088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790694664801955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891245117482595,0.0,0.09245153761460947,0.29274962368146845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433738126865835,0.0,0.15679013972686198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509565167335547,0.40064067544812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291491783970101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350435927330171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309885151915236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5265657654854358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519665865439772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058982016273007976,0.0,0.0,0.0704820355226886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047304280327963,0.07047006386866374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717192216370505
suicidewatch,TimorousCharles,2018/02/28,"A schoolmate commited suicide, and now i’m thinking about suicide too Suddenly, i just started having these suicidal thoughts like “if i kill myself then people will respect me” because that’s exactly what happened to the student. He was a loner, just like me. He had no friends.  And now that he’s dead, people in my school are now respecting him. My school even called in a priest to pray for him. And students are lighting up candles on the spot where he died. So now i’m thinking, maybe if i also do it, then people will finally care about me. ",3.7367619047619023,5.798531819047625,4.3561904761904815,84.6104761904762,73.66666666666666,6.9523809523809526,31.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.3150952380952385,431,21,79,6,9,137,69,105,0.234,0.613,0.152,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,7,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,12,16,9,6,2,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,11,6,9,11,0,14,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,11,57,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062723190055126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719656626341456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956257560552866,0.0,0.17929085908755438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250460231745466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614730817327674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192635148605009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586132250941385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550363001501336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194552040427488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182291656797974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666502420418018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657368764251844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559393040180517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124467579733023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770542821202465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253552397959881,0.0,0.13960530743130106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,divineintervention17,2018/02/28,"It seems like this is it for me. How can I make the grieving process the easiest on my family and friends? I've been suicidal on and off, but mainly on, for three years now. I was on anti-depressants for a long time, now I've been diagnosed with bipolar and the medication I have been given hasn't helped either. 

I used to have dreams, to work and travel or to write, but I know I can't ever do these things with such a diseased mind. I am done, bipolar will never be easy and I'm afraid that I simply can't bare the cross. You can't do something bold like back-pack through the world when you can barely look your friends in the eye. 

It's more than depression now. Though I'm never happy and life has no magic to it in any capacity, it's worse now. I hate myself inherently. I feel physically ugly and I feel that ugliness emanating off of me like an aura. I dislike who I am, my character, and I wish I could rip my brain out and replace it with someone else's. I need to get away from myself, living as myself is like having a conjoined twin who you despise. There's only one solution to this and I think I've made up my mind. I will go quietly, I will try to make it as easy as I can for the living. 

So here's my question: What should I do? Should I write a note and if so, should the note be honest or should I try to be a little bit light and humorous like, 'remember all of the good times!'. Should I leave a sentimental kind of will (I don't own anything of value but I mean, I could leave people books and records and items of clothing and explain why they should have those in a sentimental manner). 

Is there anything else I can do? I'm 100% on board with my choice, besides the guilt- I just want to do everything in my power for the living. ",2.706620879120877,3.9403857609890167,4.23,87.89000000000001,74.63186813186812,7.397802197802199,23.98901098901099,7.957251820313856,1.0920065934065937,1363,40,300,20,28,455,182,364,0.14800000000000002,0.71,0.142,-0.6587,2,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,4,1,2,15,19,2,2,19,0,44,7,2,5,4,61,66,29,2,12,8,0,2,5,2,10,5,1,0,0,17,20,0,0,9,3,0,3,8,6,0,2,7,6,46,13,43,44,7,31,0,2,2,0,14,16,0,5,17,216,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669859438312171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856271332962385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596650064726128,0.08672575118559157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313349687802835,0.0,0.0,0.1259068816893045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010146653610032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942854582014988,0.11447578421210625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115419607838423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188437067550693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202172238676536,0.0,0.0,0.10136511047042043,0.0,0.10632494521556377,0.0,0.11405634786941725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427692840014608,0.0,0.05892621953128061,0.0,0.0640990892004435,0.09459985009016812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006318056398155,0.0,0.11135318313373176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559832161928685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744964093018576,0.061984435433197364,0.0,0.0,0.23884894649784175,0.0,0.0,0.07966434360730283,0.2755085992754413,0.11304156566933755,0.29877727435552576,0.0998123819891643,0.09471213886703914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672118363884564,0.1505715460762287,0.0,0.0,0.1228574136564871,0.0,0.1136203948974432,0.0,0.0,0.22776414950794596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362965898164912,0.17397559225879974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642695843698652,0.08577911133577905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819186290936285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634653882293898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776496278148247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267646882721068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955635192820044,0.08682845240575639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336997504826976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493024790437305,0.0722689472344159,0.110812028904409,0.0,0.1315332704251138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531490738394684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741120489444158,0.0,0.0,0.06652431903400173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177214972328837,0.0,0.12969875116154025,0.0,0.0,0.08210981547237481,0.0,0.11493893940655732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726307198632745
suicidewatch,dimlights21,2018/02/28,"Satisfied I've prepared pretty much everything, the noose, how and where I'm gonna hang it,

Now I just need to finish dropping out of college to minimize the hassle for my parents

I've been fighting and struggling too much, I'm tired of doing this anymore, I refuse to continue this suckish thing called life

Hopefully this will be the last time I fight for something",16.121142857142857,8.385210828571427,13.737142857142858,58.91285714285715,55.0,16.857142857142858,55.0,12.161744961471696,6.524000000000001,298,14,52,5,2,93,52,70,0.17,0.6920000000000001,0.138,-0.34,1,0,1,0,3,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,8,9,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,8,5,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674395910468418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27536261707673004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423614761087326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678425700193292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219816560344417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047547839977316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964760878318479,0.19995644954362315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994359650804027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743507364971601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760468563230935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819170174245578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915637247390448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572464008064305,0.30994531526799635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway983734422,2018/02/28,Sitting here makes me remember that I hate heights At least the lights are beautiful,4.300000000000002,7.693530000000003,3.068333333333332,86.4225,82.33333333333334,8.333333333333334,34.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.801666666666668,70,4,12,2,2,20,15,15,0.189,0.612,0.199,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6004514960983977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40596464136431376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6889489899804919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,americanpalindrome,2018/02/28,"When you're a failure there's no need to be alive. I just wish I had the guts to do it. I've been putting it off for now but I feel empty and sick. I've always been a failure and nothing I do turns out okay. It's so exhausting. It's really frustating to see I can't do anything well. I know I want to live but I also know how much of a failure I've always been and it makes me feel depressed and want my life to be over. I've never achieved anything in my life. And everyone thinks I'm stupid. No doubt. Plus I'll be getting my test results back in about 2 hours and I'm not gonna be surpirsed when I see I'm the only one who has not passed the goddamned exam. I know it's my fault, mind you but to be completely honest I thought that I'd have carried out my plan and been dead for a month by now and I wasn't motivated to study. Killing yourself is neither an act of bravery nor cowardice but sometimes I wish I had the guts to go through with it. Right, vent's over. 

Edit: my teacher didn't give me my test back and it actually has nothing to do with me being a failure. I meant my life in general, it's just that the exam came up as it was supposed to be given back to me today and it made me feel even worse about myself. ",1.1164541062801945,2.4978260592592605,3.0608534621578123,94.02644927536235,79.14814814814815,5.880837359098227,23.961352657004827,6.498293943080001,0.4850048309178745,956,33,228,8,23,322,135,270,0.23,0.6859999999999999,0.084,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,17,9,2,1,11,1,25,7,2,5,1,47,53,22,2,5,8,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,14,16,0,0,10,0,0,5,10,6,1,1,14,5,30,3,32,31,2,26,0,1,2,0,3,10,0,1,11,150,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.12856798573690564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053596004595826,0.2192513876970435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683634645213715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30392046727979904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068571870600184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813628415512516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347519130719147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701894944676418,0.0,0.0,0.12589178292993006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998487073725088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883339696362359,0.1263856132218507,0.07487597349764953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974619263894774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576071057512113,0.0,0.2172173584362292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27917457276164137,0.0,0.0,0.11633675067460772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246640571255528,0.08794345780989513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302889818716526,0.0,0.10516076765181516,0.0,0.09685064919341256,0.09769018885660084,0.10161292459610828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25283337221007457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892765090084021,0.1002010254302534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324441000744389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440176120380452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251289704538843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997373651004628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303030961232301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441941758182918,0.0,0.10459396245103376,0.0,0.0,0.12488261470527105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330504227063084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541790721433935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845814279136725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30300961763377243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426345191803107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,highighig,2018/02/28,"16 and suicidal I am very, very close to killing myself. I am 16 years old living in Tasmania and have gone to an expensive all boys private school my whole life, with no interaction with girls up until now. My family is dealing with severe financial issues, with the little money we have being spent on this very school so I can finish my education. We are on the verge of bankruptcy. A week ago we couldn't afford any food so we settled for a head of broccoli that was in the freezer cabinet. My family literally has no relation to anyone, on weekends we all just sit at home (at a motel). I have been trying to make money ever since I can remember. My Dad had a mental breakdown when I was 10 years old, at one point holding a gun to his mouth and my mum having to restrain him. My home has been extremely dysfunctional ever since. I resolved myself to a life of isolation and have tried to get out of this situation from working night shifts at mcdonalds, to dedicating all my time to forex trading and animating short-films for film festivals with relative success, however all the money that I have ever made from these things has gone to my Dad so he can pay interest on his unpaid taxes. I feel no urge to do anything, no motivation. I have no friends at my school, they all invite each other to parties at their weekend houses where they have sex and drink alcohol etc. I only have one singular friend whom is similar to me. My friend fills me in on the details, that all the girls in my classes talk behind my back when I am not there. They tell my friend that I am ""scary to look at"", that I look like I take drugs and that the whole year was going to be great until I showed up. They even created a group chat where they make photoshops of me. I literally have never spoken to these people, they talk about me all the time and I say nothing to them nor ever mention them. How can human beings be such fucking terrible people. I have done nothing, I try to be nice, my teachers have even described me as ""the guy with the ugly face and ugly hair"" when I'm not around. I just can't believe it. This is a person whom we are paying whilst close to bankruptcy. I am considering suicide as I feel I live in such a distorted reality. Is the entire fucking world like this? All this shit of people saying I look weird, having no social interaction and extreme isolation and dealing with the pressure of bankruptcy has left me feeling nothing but severe pain. I cannot communicate with other humans, I have no reason for living. I feel broken. I have no one. Everything is fucked.",4.877382378100943,6.038919926147707,6.008539492443683,77.47965269461079,69.2994011976048,8.999167379526662,28.88514399771885,9.312151188531436,2.5375900883946394,2037,73,376,41,35,680,241,501,0.121,0.81,0.068,-0.9772,3,2,3,1,0,2,51.0,6,0,9,4,24,21,5,1,22,0,51,16,5,6,13,63,71,24,3,1,5,3,5,2,4,0,5,2,2,7,19,30,3,2,8,7,9,4,15,9,0,3,11,10,70,12,67,54,12,61,0,0,3,4,48,30,4,0,28,290,89,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745245058644794,0.08132099571900286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174630754135465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320646598092959,0.0,0.06261860992905614,0.06773950246995994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851133816335225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573151276715903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568984728336876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787024744776679,0.0,0.074542831151322,0.08824450345538078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486456073157747,0.10051830776527043,0.275324337557144,0.0,0.0,0.06838808745522511,0.0,0.14346868697382542,0.0,0.15390099131186652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201277239384216,0.0,0.2351591344506085,0.2110421257888452,0.03975580390539772,0.0,0.04324578839500595,0.0,0.0,0.08389354398919367,0.0,0.07534470048375479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809406233531123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265631822323664,0.0,0.0,0.08780188302297133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794220256810267,0.0,0.0,0.08418637583436926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267599922135023,0.0,0.10749442431218277,0.07435105074901932,0.0762658516642779,0.2015763241753879,0.0,0.1916985639097375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200167400940476,0.10158623626552904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668452575856588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868813225405262,0.0,0.0,0.07140875812632119,0.0,0.21904179678149824,0.0,0.15969502062057228,0.0,0.15468912804225768,0.05787266783056085,0.08096903391686956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826131695953444,0.0664420608847555,0.0,0.0,0.07193311738176451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823697004094715,0.0,0.0,0.08619929883037361,0.0,0.0,0.12102548715056947,0.0,0.2310325809725132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192838436212912,0.07810906265131161,0.12589094658101058,0.08553247754139247,0.0,0.07756791772794676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646825724936273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721297271652227,0.12232242523265285,0.06650922485804803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505532556808223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874166623366325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498782875311828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883557501561101,0.0,0.0,0.06103775521574716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699117386525026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055397100791359434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470054932775422
suicidewatch,jeff4921,2018/02/28,"I can’t find joy anywhere and pretending to be happy is extremely hard. For the past year or so I’ve been gradually becoming less happy about everything and I can’t find a way to open up to people, even my parents. I was thinking suicide for the past month because I really can’t find reasons to continue living. ",5.387903225806454,6.094252145161293,7.013064516129031,72.38959677419358,67.87096774193549,10.716129032258065,34.854838709677416,10.686352973137794,4.038212903225807,251,12,45,7,4,87,44,62,0.094,0.7140000000000001,0.192,0.7512,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,8,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,8,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823075482257035,0.21420368758141128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281028338369725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431069023093745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318032151415856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129289807568734,0.17374203748258527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126232315548534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480987107193678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153596792326651,0.0,0.3702964306119057,0.13446123159063866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425000370354222,0.1994139733523534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215096007528905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427599611180085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394930921150382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489811191032706
suicidewatch,Throwawaynooneknows1,2018/02/28,"I want to stop thinking of this or feeling like it is what I should do. Every day I get thoughts of how I can pull it off. At night I can't sleep because of crippling fear of the absolute void that will come after. I don't even know if I should post here, I'm not on the precipice I am scared that I constantly think about how to kill myself....",4.8141891891891895,3.8150216351351385,5.179054054054056,90.88182432432434,69.13513513513513,8.481081081081081,29.31081081081081,7.1686216300943375,1.2710378378378384,267,8,65,2,4,85,54,74,0.177,0.75,0.07200000000000001,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,2,0,9,1,1,2,0,15,18,4,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,10,1,11,14,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572147518321377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221598588765836,0.0,0.2787005937862829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632554569835298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703419322738564,0.0,0.21729367762831514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902116104998139,0.13040307194657635,0.18424534157694406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474322453099954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853305084332957,0.0,0.14173627236630984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599795930463684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24202368923518006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699896103234004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582050352553586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580883955636385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156177385724244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305065575658264,0.0,0.2047454925778904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521173652012754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,penpennypen,2018/02/28,"I wanna hang myself tonight I have some bathrobe rope and I wanna hang from the beam,I hope I’ll manage, I really must",-0.5953999999999979,1.5734709600000016,1.4794999999999978,95.58725,99.4,4.1000000000000005,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.6343999999999999,94,2,20,1,4,31,18,25,0.0,0.861,0.139,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,13,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8403602880423456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5420282153923224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingawayha,2018/02/28,"tired of life nothings particularly too horrible in life right now, but nothing is good either. school is stressing me out, as i am failing almost all my class & my social life is dwindling because i just sit in my room all day. i cant get myself to do anything. school work, chores, making plans. i occasionally go to class, & lay in my bed all day. i don’t even get food anymore if its not available in my room. ive felt shittier & hated life a lot more before but right now i just feel empty and idk somehow it just feels worse not being able to be happy, but not having a valid reason to feel this depressed, if that makes sense. i already wrote my letter and theres such a slim chance i actually will go through with it, because of my family, but im just stuck feeling this way and i just want to die. ive had more, actual suicidal thoughts more these past few weeks than the rest of my life. i just want to be able to kill myself and not feel guilty or leave any loved ones behind, hurting. ",4.591239105721861,5.041798931034485,5.264532019704436,85.13119742326641,69.54187192118226,7.822508525956803,26.945433876468357,7.61054688173877,1.3100794998105345,785,23,165,8,13,254,125,203,0.263,0.654,0.084,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,3,13,9,2,1,4,0,15,8,0,3,3,43,34,12,3,4,18,0,6,0,0,1,6,0,4,0,7,6,1,0,8,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,5,6,23,3,20,25,10,19,0,3,0,1,4,9,0,6,6,106,30,6,0.21440419458404686,0.0,0.20922756573713688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734741512709094,0.0,0.11830018011076784,0.0,0.0,0.3484602828820326,0.0,0.0729011022751314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631567445083902,0.0,0.0,0.08821819186067427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069880699064862,0.0,0.09122108898795897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827296829024135,0.0,0.0923330093128478,0.0,0.11125885196070408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080597421432247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010605965845873,0.0,0.27102300726733114,0.0,0.1029308249341504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296292015723268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201734246337282,0.0,0.12185084472871692,0.08991603303949303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411862598225808,0.0,0.10583987695711948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147620623576244,0.0,0.11579666104764108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860323734150904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351154227135557,0.0,0.0,0.3786000583001048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113938953440102,0.0967540782553718,0.0,0.14311646476070713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572660721649785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264291553715957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233653203538644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022161050029132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831000106901597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698849141270665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927903791076936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122799640249934,0.0,0.0,0.11726169483300855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510649065939854,0.0,0.12321304077160156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646114898680474,0.0850920349835105,0.08599105611683479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804440359940963,0.0,0.10924809567196564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mindsean123,2018/02/28,"I dont know what to do So im 16 and i dont know what do to with my life. I have a lot of suicdal toughts i cant even sleep anymore, but my biggest problem is that my weight is almost 100 kg. And i dont have the will power to change anything. I font get taken seriously by my family when  i told them i was suicidal.So im thinking about ending it al .

",-0.0024338624338611226,1.1691831481481498,3.1994003527336865,92.73444444444445,81.71604938271605,6.110052910052911,22.682539682539684,6.868970318607317,0.4723354497354495,269,9,68,3,7,98,53,81,0.08199999999999999,0.918,0.0,-0.6808,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,12,3,1,0,0,10,18,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,13,0,7,14,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177216022162845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002510621675274,0.0,0.0,0.14938050707952247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203053633516246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6382416853264622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077823813199005,0.0,0.0,0.11989627206483347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112664457470458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483989110378972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921586598086504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995239862110518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282172474777679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432699238575034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736959548620448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816571884456869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631459035411455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345596048741002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104987721764927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nontanu,2018/02/28,"It's getting bad again Two years ago I made a cut so deep that left me genuinely scared over what I'd done to myself so I swore on my life to never self harm again. I'm looking at this scar today and how it's healed over time and something in me snapped.

I've realized that I miss hurting myself more than anything and the urges to do so are stronger than ever. I think if I go for it I won't be able to stop. I'm scared but also calmer than ever because if I end up dying it wouldn't matter. Isn't depression a nasty bitch?",1.87393236714976,3.000004200000003,3.3481159420289863,93.81685990338171,76.56521739130434,6.154589371980678,22.342995169082126,6.42735559955562,0.24866183574879264,413,11,97,3,9,136,80,115,0.146,0.722,0.132,0.5154,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,2,2,3,0,7,2,0,2,3,16,15,11,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,2,1,12,0,14,10,1,20,0,3,1,0,1,8,1,2,11,62,20,0,0.19566935727047016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344907920682526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647671431580332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101920892386815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337574020632928,0.11927822405476535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685297306999381,0.0,0.2030739006392666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023768743750311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173304972799461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539882718665102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222916321892324,0.0,0.111203404938916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094680938879432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259532919517835,0.0,0.13820705367049968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431297952029755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851470769364513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091227096023374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917983228462089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041258135342616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063583076668607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635883441719501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537702335655498,0.0,0.0,0.11409637575570004,0.0,0.18547167167498435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911405301836323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600465081030826
suicidewatch,nononoxx,2018/02/28,"Be strong guys My friend committed suicide yesterday. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a year. We used to be close. I didn’t know how much his death would affect me. We grew apart from each other 10 years ago. 

Please everyone be strong. Be strong for your family and friends. Even if you’ve grown apart from someone who used to be close to you, reach out. 
I should have reached out to my friend, I feel guilty. If he would have talked to me about the problems he was having, I would have done everything I could to help him out. I didn’t know how bad it was.
There are people out there who want to help you, they just don’t know that you’re feeling this way. Tell them. People care about you.
I wish you all the best.
If anyone needs to talk, pm me.",1.090876623376623,3.2319054090909134,1.5728409090909103,100.9292613636364,82.57142857142857,5.148701298701299,16.118506493506494,6.322622252153567,-0.7255051948051947,579,10,138,5,16,175,94,154,0.097,0.654,0.249,0.969,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,5,2,4,8,10,0,0,3,0,22,0,0,5,2,35,33,6,2,12,4,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,6,2,25,8,20,17,4,17,0,0,0,0,25,10,0,3,4,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579168402974065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711242592382744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790535985359022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076107667951314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618510499677274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230794119203955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676423828653818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117905404913634,0.0,0.0,0.1463774452621042,0.13767525838392566,0.0,0.14441176295547092,0.0,0.15491264292392967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550573915891205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516799415358981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053570190773603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525639184264722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126106110420139,0.11358676427643195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124021742709668,0.0,0.0,0.16815413133330204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465799736925923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979547053388266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756251843227088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24625299707467124,0.1338928321872053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646100367491888,0.0,0.0,0.09035409490816394,0.12159329353604308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615833490802751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264605147696081,0.0,0.0,0.1972957574333192
suicidewatch,Lossofhope,2018/02/28,"No one will read this I'm only 22 years old, and I have had so many fucked up things in my life happen to me. I am so fucking tired of keep up this false identity for the 2 people i have in my life that care about me. I'm sitting here, trying to think of all the reasons to stay alive and I can't. I'm done. Everytime I try and tell someone what all has happened to me, you know what happens? They talk about themselves without responding to what I said. That's who my friends are. Again, i'm done. Fuck it all, fuck this world. I'm just a blip in the existence of the universe. Good fucking riddance.",0.3880764904386957,2.5124924251968537,1.8848650168728904,97.70624015748032,85.37795275590551,4.888413948256468,21.66985376827897,6.18269132825596,0.10442002249718783,466,16,108,4,14,150,81,127,0.131,0.779,0.08900000000000001,-0.7615,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,7,8,5,0,5,0,10,8,0,1,3,12,28,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,1,14,3,17,23,3,11,0,0,0,5,8,6,5,0,3,70,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971186356013254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804598283690303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586952759407024,0.6334130633684051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493479408267522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363527210204622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217991233139489,0.0,0.0,0.07530845256155264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935775779667636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389275546539831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143790598921228,0.0,0.09285550370267624,0.10421797168362842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499978756691936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706771602764525,0.0,0.0,0.14089031375247207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130347512245431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610561116136985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460564229032211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014003265318127,0.11977081362915548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103706406769443,0.08780369695133998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749655529358458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860696105640144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209264083321812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824323530751049
suicidewatch,RudeboyNuka,2018/02/28,"My girlfriend is suicidal and has been off her anti-depressants for a month, please help She is always constantly in pain due to her fibromyalgia, has a gluten intolerance, and either bipolar depression or Major depressive disorder, which was inhereted from her mother. She believes she has BPD. She also breaks down a lot and often says if she just dies no one would care but that's just a lie. She also tells me she just wants to get away and go to a place where no one knows her so she can peacefully kill herself and also tries to break up with me because I'm an emotional obstacle in the way of her suicide. please I feel useless whenever she breaks down I have nothing comforting to say.",5.7067424242424245,6.9039822499999985,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,67.4090909090909,9.806060606060607,31.333333333333336,9.994966539143718,3.142569696969697,555,22,101,13,9,177,92,132,0.241,0.6609999999999999,0.098,-0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,0,7,0,10,2,0,0,0,19,17,12,4,3,7,1,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,2,3,20,2,16,14,3,17,0,3,0,0,21,9,0,4,3,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495409689271069,0.1212313862238504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688691378422813,0.0,0.0,0.08881540019188339,0.0,0.0,0.16415037002660565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183499984574278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854756971858704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744645131821702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764652499220541,0.0,0.1512102472746588,0.0,0.1669811238321427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388925878432134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366866586128208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612055020538587,0.0,0.08280283338067775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765747543347914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119189197025702,0.0,0.08007113585219099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386618579190145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629377376082813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979998265293256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745580738161228,0.0,0.15503163829907726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222211725853774,0.31986260851466297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317278426238893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31873724308798984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734540098787864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891854472283887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593573127864948,0.1156473163636904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349880692124096,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Isoliix,2018/02/28,"Feeling like garbage I've got school tomorrow, and almost every day, of course. I have 4 Fs and I can't bring it back up. I don't want to try anymore, which is part of the reason I have the Fs. I don't look forward to the future at all. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go to work, I just want to do nothing... I have no goals or motivations in life. I really want to die",-1.0195202020201997,0.5500058863636355,2.03469696969697,97.89010101010102,86.72727272727273,5.2747474747474765,17.732323232323235,6.42735559955562,-0.4100419191919191,290,7,77,3,9,103,50,88,0.159,0.79,0.051,-0.6677,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,14,21,3,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,13,20,2,11,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,6,46,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538108763007572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350323509641545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500326194705062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583406364466995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250022302651635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439414850834044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986568141766118,0.1393913360745806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217785173825952,0.0,0.15605256707579793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781662293387942,0.09532411370525397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384880033460034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721963740261888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129226086792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249966884560587,0.20061235861515145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949368264268971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324713617553239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754241218276772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204720663874712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fitsasr,2018/02/28,Im going to kill myself Nothing will change. ever. and im too tired to care anymore,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,1.8277777777777795,92.645,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,17.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.7923555555555555,66,2,13,0,3,23,15,18,0.319,0.546,0.134,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814495765373095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893491445012629,0.0,0.3002187543146935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567099145989137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128792309674422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6130972010409091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139784523603547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27231011223239143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261819889509983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsTeaForMe,2018/02/28,"Nobody will ever love me Im so fat and ugly you cant see my jawline unless I flex and even then im still fat. My arms look like the size of someones thighs when they are held up and im so fucking weak. I cant defend myself ever, i cant even talk back to people im so weak. I just feel like ending it all. I feel so alone.",-3.199423076923079,-1.7522703552631531,0.35315789473684234,102.94325910931177,107.81578947368422,2.3384615384615386,9.793522267206477,3.1291,-2.139233603238867,247,3,64,0,13,88,49,76,0.165,0.7190000000000001,0.116,-0.6024,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,12,6,1,0,1,0,5,8,4,0,3,11,12,10,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,11,3,4,10,1,8,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,0,9,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773234536117476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165105616314374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164254875520713,0.0,0.0,0.2261671292508279,0.30974116269245183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731393323649225,0.1223135120814027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828224994301798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7397510929431889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729055709887553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377451844300204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545250408962033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869647935769735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643337889754545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506692732150148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672970524513706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761329837780373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pollutedelta,2018/02/28,"Just because some things need to be said I’m not gonna kill myself. I have a large family and a large group of friends that I care about and I know they care about me. And I know I shouldn’t waste the life God has given to me. I’ll always be fighting for my life. Despite all this, I can’t help but hope that I die in some freak accident or something, so that everything will just end and it would’ve been out of my power to stop it. Let me ask you, what’s the point of wanting to live your life if you can’t have the one thing that you’ve always wanted? See there’s this girl. I’ll skip all the minor details so to put it short, we were best friends. She’d always turn to me for comfort and guidance and I’d do the same with her. I developed some major feelings for her, but I knew she didn’t feel the same way. I realized this, so I told her how I felt and that I know she didn’t feel the same. It was a very productive talk, we decided we would still be friends and for a while things were still great between us. The problem is the fact that this didn’t change the way I felt about her. I wasn’t mad at her for not liking me back, that would be absurd. She’s the master of her own life I can’t just expect her to have feelings for me just because I did. What I was mad at was myself. I wasn’t good enough for her. Plain and simple, if I were a better person then things would’ve gone differently. To top it off, she got into a pseudo relationship with some other guy that just so happened to transfer into her school (I’m in college now she’s in high school) from some random state halfway across the country (like wtf what’re the odds). This is what killed me. Not only was I not good enough for her, but some random ass boi was better than me. To make things worse, even after only being at her school for half a semester he’s already notoriously known to be a dick to women. But I can’t blame her, sometimes you just can’t help who you have feelings for. I should’ve been better for her, but I wasn’t, and for one reason or another he was. The two of them aren’t in a relationship anymore but me and her don’t talk anymore either. I still don’t know what caused this. Nothing significant happened between the two of us, we just grew apart. If you ask me, one day she probably just realized how much of a depressive idiot I am. Now I just can’t get over her. I don’t know what to do, see it’s been about 2 months but I can’t get over her. A rational person would’ve gotten over her, but I’m not a rational person. I just care so much about her. When we were best friends, she ended up being the one comfort I had in life. Yes, I have my friends and family and they always make me happy, but never to the degree that she did. See I’ve always been in a depressive state, but she brought me out of it. For a period of time, she allowed me to live my life. She gave me a light at the end of the tunnel. Now that she’s gone, I just don’t wanna go on anymore on anymore. I know you’re probably thinking, “there’s plenty of fish in the sea you’re still young.” You see, I don’t buy into this notion. I believe that any given girl can be the perfect girl for you, it only matters which one gets to you first. She’s molded my perception of love to the point where she is the only one that I want. Even if I do happen to find some other girl that makes me happy, there’s just no way it’d be the same. Like I said at the beginning, I’m never going to kill myself. There’s too much to live for or whatever. But that doesn’t keep me from wanting to die. The only thing that holds me from becoming a complete vegetable is the possibility of the two of us reconnecting when I come home for summer. Thanks for reading guys. I know I’m not technically suicidal but I figured this is a fitting place to lay this down

Note: This situation isn’t the only thing making me depressed, just the biggest thing",2.174046540741561,3.509751656136089,3.639645973710373,91.17801456239184,76.18104495747266,6.543164328583528,21.825711550498923,7.106945922332613,0.44614232482786464,3035,77,687,32,66,1002,282,823,0.102,0.7490000000000001,0.149,0.9913,4,0,1,0,2,2,84.0,8,9,3,10,43,39,7,0,47,1,70,10,2,9,6,132,136,43,6,16,39,0,7,3,5,5,6,2,1,10,51,26,1,3,24,1,1,8,31,12,0,11,37,14,121,27,94,82,23,76,0,3,4,3,86,36,2,17,30,495,172,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455776887772471,0.0,0.2056883157463118,0.0,0.0,0.03362058692669707,0.05184167514533571,0.0,0.0,0.19612298102461945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924386041277476,0.0,0.0,0.03801595948360596,0.0,0.060275777244916624,0.05460209476406082,0.0,0.05570143869766932,0.10376750760135883,0.13117578346567207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122073767533745,0.0507880329334678,0.052300484673042574,0.04258779157284436,0.05183642380513839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03188441741573178,0.0,0.12774662668708742,0.0,0.10262088739323193,0.05165380334830552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136629110650275,0.10216853497202777,0.0,0.06530870828311652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044433076450941786,0.0,0.09321440873453124,0.0,0.12499060083587375,0.0,0.0949394354580492,0.0,0.045186849764132286,0.04205325293716768,0.0,0.0,0.19098435465866465,0.0,0.07749036740296597,0.0,0.056195267141945435,0.0829350918042094,0.039541321668601935,0.054507274476024034,0.0,0.09790584768026593,0.13115768289436125,0.10525863299876484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066276571662256,0.052235595222767266,0.04959189612352676,0.04910462496583538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439441404769403,0.16409259913981325,0.0,0.1901947723346875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055528585644372,0.2095236824676664,0.07246099529326619,0.0,0.13096807581655093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446211209018556,0.0,0.1320051245856216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946217427965271,0.0,0.10903126563954813,0.03665879723163877,0.07626165211637499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047438578191541216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100909699898364,0.22560601734787664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950611491146075,0.05165380334830552,0.0,0.09347270330000464,0.05573566017149011,0.0,0.0,0.10660838595681914,0.04730696897693579,0.0,0.04970039945651784,0.0,0.0,0.04945292547341668,0.0,0.0,0.05083208787488682,0.0,0.10615914126418474,0.0,0.0,0.09405666039431863,0.0,0.0,0.15010638131576756,0.15758767018027375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557212162313195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038060978239527116,0.04889697558521475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792994257070586,0.04133367457183932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407883943134634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947526936742562,0.0,0.04551729194021276,0.0,0.0,0.26276350260336034,0.0316788650709647,0.0,0.0,0.02882859710564295,0.0,0.0,0.047241605299097086,0.0,0.0,0.05377602959271496,0.14488575904518078,0.0,0.17840906107354246,0.0,0.0,0.04079280353292725,0.11664290167560967,0.11772843220404546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050383121550802615,0.1756021764699956,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RatherBeRaving,2018/02/28,"self-harming after a long period of clean time well the title says it all. i self-harmed more than once after a long period of clean time and i'm finding it hard to stop the urges since i've 'relapsed' if you will. anyone else out there who self-harms going through the same thing? 

I don't want to put too much revealing info on reddit but i started self harming at 9 years old and lets just say i'm not far from 30 years old. its been a struggle my whole life but i had several years of being clean before this last incident. 

i quit my job under duress and life has been a mess since then. i'm still unemployed, struggling financially and feel like i'm falling short of what a good parent should be. 

anyone relate? :/ ",2.133812807881774,4.2941873517241405,3.1789408866995115,90.71836206896559,78.93103448275863,6.0738916256157625,20.01231527093596,7.1686216300943375,0.4045763546798029,566,14,117,7,14,181,100,145,0.159,0.735,0.105,-0.8004,4,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,2,8,0,10,2,0,0,1,19,18,8,0,3,5,1,2,1,0,2,2,2,3,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,3,4,8,3,15,10,5,27,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,19,67,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552726724240486,0.12860586933053114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680478372379293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485242615371952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346460888924522,0.08966858194595728,0.0,0.0,0.11471925600963495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133357681977433,0.10527677940078208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124375899398828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455516042118105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231220849554333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834850871611792,0.17731118009299626,0.06132072725547288,0.0,0.0,0.22215523830374329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226862639054947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26341563985658656,0.13367033398364775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937054989109468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617814427858418,0.0,0.1335016065909349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996305583783211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237618185753771,0.14179723700923336,0.0,0.20765609420332984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884079797281105,0.0,0.10023715753546986,0.1049369101802184,0.0,0.26243293608079304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338718477413791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637865790706253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403252809655061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128538653190406,0.0,0.0,0.14013401664738045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424843675379347
suicidewatch,mamesx,2018/02/28,"I've come to accept death I really feel so invaluable to society. My ADD has made me feel like I can't ever get anything right. It keeps me from succeeding. It keeps me from fostering relationships. It keeps me from making my parents proud of me. I am a failure to them, to my friends and to myself. I just have accepted the fate that if I were to every do anything to myself, I wouldn't even feel sad. I'd feel at peace. I'd feel like I'm getting away from this constant pain I've felt my entire life. I'm never good enough, no matter how hard I try. With nothing. I contribute nothing. I push everyone away. I just want to die in my sleep more than anything.",0.6902941176470598,3.0271859705882385,2.7352941176470607,90.59132352941177,86.35294117647058,6.047058823529412,21.735294117647058,7.413659706084162,0.9225235294117646,516,18,109,9,16,173,84,136,0.124,0.675,0.201,0.804,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,7,10,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,3,2,26,24,4,2,3,3,1,7,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,8,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,7,23,8,19,20,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,68,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499823663309969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26638639147046245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211828047513044,0.0,0.1531979604807268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713003241619474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648148387908966,0.0,0.09363466454869566,0.12823485871576773,0.11944340622231148,0.13546284963245492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35840405632498207,0.20255436254511425,0.13611695017791536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952754358570707,0.0,0.1481330693007066,0.0,0.0,0.11890603419590175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699389162922248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780226215409119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013304625890218,0.13851876042292108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414178457040232,0.09462945971692724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933816334095384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27205531834291946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084830809810928,0.0,0.15741362402589815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908185015778908,0.0,0.0,0.15220291202144698,0.0,0.12106681865530873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186771289914096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962493544845434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361686563325957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D0esANyoneREadTHese,2018/02/28,"Gimme a reason I've not heard before. I'm so sick and tired of the usual reasons to stop me from killing myself. I've done my homework on suspension hanging, even tried it a few times but with the other end of the rope held in my hand so I let go when I black out, it's easy and not particularly painful.

I've just gone through my psychiatric file going back to 2nd grade and realized that every single aspect of my personality can be traced back to a handful of mental and physical disorders that my parents knew about but, for the most part, didn't treat. Everything from my likes and dislikes, my nervous tics, my lack of productivity and the fact I'm floundering and failing in college for the second year in a row, every single thing that defines me and I hate about myself. There's nothing left of my personality if you strip away the mental illness, sure there's things the illness has caused like being a gay furry, but nothing real or sincere. 

My parents knew I was like this for a long time, my dad even said that he had this to a lesser extent when he was young but with my mom's own share of disorders combining, I was pretty much doomed from the start. Why the hell didn't they medicate me, send me to a therapy that did more than just give me blocks and puzzles, not have me in the first place, do something other than sit idly by knowing that I was going to turn into a useless scab who converts money and good intentions into CO2 and useless junk? 

Anyway, give me a reason for living that I haven't heard. All the usual ""oh you've got so much to live for"" ""you've been given amazing opportunities"" ""what would your friends do"" bullshit doesn't really work when I've got a 14 year track record of taking amazing opportunities and throwing them in the trash and no friends because of my untreated aspergers and nervous tics.

If you give me a GOOD answer in 24 hours I might put this off until next week when I'll hopefully see an independent therapist and maybe get medicated to fix 18 years of untreated sewage accumulating in my skull. Hell, even if you don't I'll probably be a lazy fuck and not want to go find the bicycle lock and figure out how to hang it from the bed loft, because my own laziness has kept me from doing this multiple times already.",12.540680119581461,7.0531001681614365,11.589408071748881,64.93055455904339,58.52914798206278,14.583916292974589,44.30732436472347,11.20814326018867,4.729417817638267,1809,65,349,30,15,589,238,446,0.171,0.695,0.134,-0.9557,3,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,4,2,5,20,28,5,2,29,0,26,13,3,7,3,66,56,34,1,7,14,4,2,3,2,2,8,3,3,2,20,23,0,4,10,0,1,10,10,12,0,2,21,7,40,16,53,29,13,51,3,4,2,2,25,16,3,8,27,230,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967529999276067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237478927692568,0.13483535712058692,0.0,0.10689334244008897,0.0,0.0746060911148592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006773275036513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096931852198446,0.0,0.0,0.08972331648248325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765519628929694,0.0,0.0,0.1737281484681925,0.0,0.14774216301018706,0.0,0.0787978235011102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013456858465648,0.0745774334633146,0.0,0.0,0.1354770155200263,0.0810553455434094,0.04580725877636645,0.25232134744952045,0.1993138938618281,0.14707747579107694,0.14024552584303795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656221485023753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708236926646776,0.0863435146837434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700085835179938,0.0,0.048184612835856636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526057880602616,0.08965497800636284,0.0,0.12850266454400644,0.0,0.1548395946859817,0.07759078466651166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808264848259939,0.0,0.0,0.17664933785807446,0.1767142188307574,0.09301072072071537,0.0,0.10268544695894412,0.0,0.0,0.1289043675297988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324476156228513,0.0,0.0,0.1682555884064359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329378669661018,0.0,0.1947083563371647,0.09494491115161388,0.0,0.0,0.1531111625273846,0.09160309401251378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919833819713184,0.09452990262376504,0.0,0.0,0.0881389185066513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979484756582936,0.05616769601951999,0.27043757996234963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340025851055258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986667598026053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749751503047871,0.0,0.0,0.06205775094697191,0.0,0.0,0.07330132985862803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263389450393456,0.0,0.06592168159464895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026551360655472,0.10179896580074776,0.1164965030247992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337430274650185,0.10077103275491868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952646642299304,0.09536665986015506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931261605188696,0.0,0.051713765470639765,0.0,0.07032865578443571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911424210961031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382940557430718,0.0,0.0,0.06228274255630675,0.0,0.0,0.1693820275433419
suicidewatch,it_salwaysthelag,2018/02/28,"Help! Therapy advise? I'm a teenager. I've been very apathetic and on and off suicidal for the past six months. Yesterday one of my friends decided to inform my parents that I was suicidal. I am not actually that bad recently (sure I want to kill myself but I'm too apathetic to actually do it now it right now)  but now my parents are making me do family therapy tomorrow. We don't really get along and I have no real interest in fixing that because honestly I'm tired enough interacting with people at school all day and my parents and I have never been close anyways. How do I convince them/the therapist that I am alright and do not want their assistance? Interacting with my parents makes me want to physically hurt myself, and I cannot think of a way to avoid this.",4.69918181818182,6.136851233333331,6.798848484848487,70.60609090909094,70.0,11.054545454545458,32.96969696969697,11.022393298168332,4.201733333333333,615,29,111,21,11,217,91,150,0.17,0.691,0.139,-0.8467,4,1,0,0,0,3,13.0,1,0,1,0,6,10,1,1,3,1,14,1,0,3,3,30,24,10,3,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,19,6,15,21,2,17,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,10,81,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.2554079634789963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926562736663774,0.07977322683320527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439618630265877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521706542949968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336654145310072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110488121205513,0.0,0.06837082200928457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771510259349202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009217441374575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478116783841238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470491842728425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445406509984753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009300642982192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867655202676522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5812340982829978,0.0,0.1249240994826612,0.09072433263281916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895140950646132,0.08383456355619147,0.0,0.1292120027664808,0.0,0.0,0.11175678663228727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244093457486086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862870441175176,0.0,0.12333738023148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29930782882821644,0.1519427085884283,0.0,0.08385210127962958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040844023901767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797616283476544,0.23156019911721026,0.10387342263842242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PoppyMuffin,2018/02/28,worthless everyone wouldnt care after a month. more people would be happy with me gone.,3.470625000000002,6.592624812500002,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,82.125,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,1.0450999999999997,71,2,11,1,2,22,15,16,0.273,0.544,0.183,-0.2091,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698841765659199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403777513625775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906010265529736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36785929400844775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31950684657217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273863837548686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,craigslisthottub,2018/02/28,"Thoughts Do you ever feel like the universe is telling you to just give up? 
I live with schizophrenia and I know my voices tell me all the time to give up or to kill myself, but sometimes I feel like there’s this whole system of the universe that just wants to either see me fail or test me hardcore. I’m 25, I was about to get my GED next month but I got a bullshit traffic ticket today that summons me to court on the same fucking day as my GED test. Paranoia already makes me feel like someone’s controlling all this bullshit that happens to me even though I know it’s not real but whenever I’m down I always somehow get kicked. I’m trying to stay positive, I’m close or so I thought to getting into college finally and now it’s been seemingly taken away from me because of some bored cop. Maybe I should just give up and end it. Maybe I’m not worthy enough as I thought to make it to a good life. ",2.0284491978609616,3.9283404010695233,3.087165775401072,92.52133689839577,78.14438502673798,5.469518716577539,25.438502673796787,6.2272716619740125,0.7137721925133693,713,27,151,5,17,228,109,187,0.133,0.7809999999999999,0.086,-0.8823,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,2,11,8,2,0,6,0,5,2,0,3,3,39,33,13,1,2,12,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,9,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,5,23,4,25,25,7,19,0,1,1,1,7,8,1,6,12,96,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039365826354325,0.0,0.10585966289938133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953012334428148,0.0,0.0,0.07755391254230112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269132524971087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204825993945772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268174731931133,0.1314552874797465,0.0,0.08402954025560293,0.11508041679397743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298319628027746,0.27266424315400234,0.0,0.13936649268013754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176155415456824,0.1994061777759069,0.3661314590031337,0.0,0.10670855110398116,0.10175179293112714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250280995530973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407533137877118,0.0,0.13983678176594044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986131238984378,0.18646408054990254,0.0,0.11234017114856704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698445769625019,0.0,0.2556250505775869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154812273520154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353030210891245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480753812390862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101380197398754,0.11581897022650202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779556913948947,0.0,0.12582672315315818,0.0,0.0,0.1356027075336479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223968831878497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499587513099987,0.303002367903178,0.07418470904369211,0.0,0.12059245447477347,0.0,0.0,0.08637601305260828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503937575515351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420398492614987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asininefool,2018/02/28,"I think I was never meant to be born. I can't even remember what it feels like to be okay. I have been sexually, emotionally, and physically abused since I was 5 years old. I turn 18 in 2 months. I've gone to the cops several times but nothing has ever come of it. They always say their hands are tied until it gets worse.

My parents are trying to trap me into having to stay home and not go to college. They won't let me go more than a couple hundred miles away and they're refusing to co-sign a loan despite the fact that FAFSA is giving me less than $2000 total. They have never allowed me to drive and have kept me from getting a job up until recently. 

I can't do it anymore. I'm supposed to be getting my EMT certification in June but it's not even fucking worth it. I don't want my job. I don't want my volunteer position. None of it fucking matters. I don't know how to get through every day. I am so done that it hurts to breathe. I have cried every single night for weeks, and I haven't slept more than 6 hours in months. 

I'm transgender. I'm a disgusting freak of nature. This isn't the life I wanted. I need out of this horror of a body. I just want to hurt every single part of myself. 

If I wasn't a complete coward I would leave right now and go jump in front of a train or throw myself off the parking garage. But I'm so worthless that I can't even do that. Every day I wake up and wonder whether it's my last day alive. When I'm at EMT class learning about deadly illnesses and injuries, I desperately wish they would happen to me. I just want to overdose or starve myself to death. I am in pain. 

Sorry for putting this bullshit on you. Have a good night. 

",1.5317897727272722,3.3083226903409124,3.315909090909092,90.88136363636366,79.19886363636364,5.990909090909091,21.795454545454547,6.9077264865688965,0.4585181818181821,1305,38,288,14,32,436,190,352,0.223,0.7170000000000001,0.059,-0.9963,4,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,1,5,0,12,11,3,0,12,1,34,10,5,2,5,48,67,21,2,10,11,1,2,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,17,11,0,2,7,0,2,10,15,8,0,0,9,3,43,3,45,51,8,49,0,3,0,2,10,15,2,4,24,189,60,6,0.0,0.11783309869897927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275114691810992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986286068188889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343742958452443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104675720464314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566817674050306,0.10427241592320086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004057084925696,0.10924218507938767,0.19241288211201227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177283777611278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186891905137183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970592189896328,0.08995906671805022,0.33516681679200505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028538220862788,0.0710477696810046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388157853007306,0.20783604080554527,0.09540240139787096,0.16956077902965222,0.08341472802740044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794413566346661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975739913022244,0.0,0.0979391406540752,0.0,0.21292857115304925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973794200407476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465563442927155,0.08106578767050537,0.0,0.10530418331930984,0.0,0.1016953216864637,0.07024513832897905,0.048586704642483325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587615791239787,0.0,0.0,0.07374161008003041,0.15340538804069367,0.0,0.0,0.1866559358619884,0.0,0.09542585681814217,0.0,0.10435702954567014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582280940146754,0.0,0.11042849696168176,0.10769567397998622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997566080485552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819580301335896,0.0,0.1126585254806439,0.08493055730575574,0.0,0.07908737723487974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235125188560023,0.0,0.08226684326683688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132718245672574,0.0,0.10600146709588633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372414515075307,0.0,0.0,0.057990641468287536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675206584883121,0.10817406203539237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932936983589362,0.0,0.07977354334153293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143636701677794,0.0,0.10785029951651036,0.0,0.0,0.10134900172904487,0.14129418534527555,0.0,0.0,0.06404314317680951
suicidewatch,dmullinax251,2018/02/28,"Reaching out I'm a 26 yo male, Catholic, recently laid off from Army Corps of Engineers, 1st gen college grad. I had to move back in with mom until I find another job. Younger brother also recently moved in after an issue with heroin (sold car for drugs) and is starting outpatient rehab this week. Mom is also on the fringes of drug use (mostly MJ), and enables the younger brother.

After layoff, I had to move out of my rental house and going practically bankrupt. Constant fighting at parents' house, makes me feel like my years as troubled teen when I'm almost 27. I started going to casinos because the energy on the floor makes me happy, but starting to develop compulsive gambling issues. I have no health insurance and had to self-medicate with expired antibiotics for strep throat. depression is overwhelming, started to hallucinate earlier.

I don't remember who I am or what I wanted to do with my life. I don't want to die, but living is painful right now and I lose strength to fight as time passes. ",6.612147950089128,7.580762010695188,6.830815508021393,73.84465463458113,65.2566844919786,9.869696969696973,36.973707664884145,9.928628108626363,3.920747237076649,804,40,134,17,12,259,126,187,0.142,0.78,0.078,-0.9112,3,0,2,0,3,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,2,1,6,0,12,7,1,3,0,24,27,14,1,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,3,1,3,7,3,7,0,0,4,1,15,3,32,23,1,33,0,3,0,0,9,10,0,3,17,83,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787233962068973,0.0,0.0,0.1882697257340605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343210714113745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051385725670892,0.0,0.07175661448103562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720569050232036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138583978979916,0.0,0.12216727499766808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730188930955695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951911542502224,0.08409402929045559,0.0,0.0,0.1075873429209333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337977643516313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530743681999004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512317430132694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716494736327583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457231067066492,0.11681176485035773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314401348095551,0.05750851549143145,0.0,0.10394253607056124,0.0,0.0,0.13169048438324488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571483814455561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075235550711187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27572755653610764,0.0,0.3753301496458083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252546909404895,0.0,0.13070610519783096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324543267686275,0.0,0.1333456262473185,0.1005260658538937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280009552020645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332708293041028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863926516063898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166604237478613,0.0,0.0,0.13886008791685794,0.0,0.09442208700549656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758031671133988
suicidewatch,xXCalitzXx,2018/02/28,"Go on or just turn myself off from some basic but essential human activities? Hey redditors, I’m starting to think that life isn’t for me (before I go on, I'm not trying to commit suicide, but gain advice and didn't what subreddit to choose so I went with this one, if anyone has suggestions to a subreddit pertaining to my situation then please refer me to them), I live in NJ where rent is high, jobs are scarce and hard to get, I live with a family that believes they are not racist when they are indeed racist and sexual victimize women and victimize victims in general, I’m poor like can’t make it on my own if I move out because as I said rents too damn high in the city, even if I was to get a roommate. Hostility against me in the household is high from my narcissistic police officer brother (btw he described a fight between two people as nigger gang vs the white gang, and sexual victimized a women the same night he was called to a scene, that’s the type of people that are protecting our rights and trying to keep peace within our communities I’m convinced), my crazy brother who swears he’s doing something with his life by sitting down on a ball all day playing guilty gears fighting game on his ps4, or using the home computer and going out at night to ride his bike, he’s 28 btw with a useless degree in a major that I can’t even remember, he’s not socialble, doesn’t have a job and believes he’s normal when he obviously needs help (hell I need professional help myself from living here all my life), and my shitty parents in which my dad is a terrible person like literally when he was driving me and my sister somewhere we were waiting at a traffic light near a well known good high school in the area and as we were waiting for the light to change a black guy minding his business crosses the road to get to the other side of the sidewalk and my dad shouts “get out of here filthy niger the projects isn’t that way”. Like I said some shitty people I had to grow up with and mind you my dads an Uber driver and he feels uncomfortable when black people enter his vehicle as he always voices his concerns at home loudly to my police officer brother in which he agrees with him. My mother, she just sucks, sides with my crazy brother on everything (not the police officer one) and thinks he’s the golden child, the only person I like in my household is my younger sister, she’s literally the only one besides me to have learned that the behavior of these people are wrong and idk about freedom to believe what you want if it’s going to condemn and dehumanize other people, it’s wrong and disgusting. I’m a 21 year old male, almost done with college, hopefully in 2019, but I don’t get opportunities for good employment, internships are highly competitive and other people who have experience gather already in my grade because they had family members hook them up are getting these internships easily. Makes me feel terrible, can’t even be given a chance to move out of my household and make a life of my own already, I have somewhat come to terms with my bad genetics as well (short torso, long legs, long arms suck, and are mechanically bad in the weight room, only advantage we get pretty much is the deadlift, otherwise extremely hard to pack on mass and doesn’t look very aesthetic, that and I’m poorly endowed like 4 inches long and 3 inch girth so it’s scary to try to get with a girl when practically everyone these days are hooking up and talking about their experiences with guys being big or average but still giving them a great time, plus a lot of people don’t want relationships in which I don’t blame them, times are changing and long term monogamy seems like it’s getting highly outdated now). Holy cow I have typed a lot already and haven’t even gotten everything down but this is a good gist of it, hard for me to make friends as well since I lack experience in partying although I do have friends, they all go to different colleges in different states and come back to NJ during vacations and such so not much to do until then, and people who are potential interests to become friends never have time to hang because jobs and priorities. Like seriously, how the FUCK is someone supposed to make it out here when they have been given bad opportunities growing up and their body doesn’t make it any better? I know I was born with bad genetics and born into a bad family which sucks, and everywhere now I’m supposed to accept the new anti hate movement when I know that although I do accept them, I won't be accepted back, I would be made into a mockery with girls probably saying poor guy hope things get better for him and ending it there. And don’t use old success stories, this is 2018, the old ways to get rich don’t and be happy go lucky fuck everyone attitude doesn’t apply anymore, everything requires a good degree of experience backed by a legitimately good employer to confirm this while having a fulfilling social life to be happy. What’s the point of living when not everyone can become part of the white collar job force when college and some professors, not all, say that it’s possible? Someone gotta do the dirty work amirite? Someone gotta suffer for others to succeed, ugh I feel oppressed like I can’t really change much and I have a limited amount of potential I can reach until I reach a pleateau that won’t allow me to proceed further because of life. I definitely do feel better venting all of this out though, if anyone was going to suggest taking therapy I’m too scared to do so as I couldn’t tell someone my problems with objective inadequacy ,any other advice will be welcomed! Thanks in advance!",10.557193348930484,7.500229329963241,10.11595254010695,66.57817847593584,59.46875,13.23649732620321,40.719919786096256,11.344700141305456,4.4965691176470575,4533,174,817,91,44,1481,460,1088,0.16699999999999998,0.665,0.168,-0.8959999999999999,12,0,1,0,3,2,77.0,5,2,12,13,40,73,16,1,55,0,79,12,3,11,8,154,154,82,1,16,23,11,8,8,3,6,6,7,5,12,45,67,1,6,17,4,6,21,28,31,3,4,19,22,90,42,135,121,23,132,1,2,5,2,90,63,8,19,52,530,135,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301887986284151,0.0,0.0,0.042536021652227966,0.0,0.14062804446748642,0.0,0.035345464948713816,0.0,0.0,0.05777359168220352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212719817294271,0.059403825828126075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798989494450266,0.17733861533090936,0.1035778509895686,0.0938281992152521,0.03614602374670881,0.14357596652521848,0.0,0.11270618459252765,0.0,0.04718397075028529,0.0,0.0,0.04337523660429084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480967120843254,0.07318282950683799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547901592800181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876185742932878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043470192309316376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037623289562334516,0.0,0.0,0.11222643595923663,0.0,0.0,0.12176990935253085,0.11453064851267168,0.16620826113590584,0.12013467821520632,0.0,0.08591350237340396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845621209227487,0.07854126656492888,0.2441255482810899,0.04074919031597868,0.16899033453719645,0.178144500439168,0.0,0.046832630051247236,0.0,0.1261810021233184,0.0,0.09043817850587084,0.11415701584584555,0.04193866515171468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694480583667266,0.2692848244669381,0.085218677580902,0.08438135118429999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861318863777391,0.03775678922969887,0.0,0.0,0.04669007942285708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180022670410707,0.16602256088258016,0.0,0.15003696300972796,0.1503683306910533,0.03567119112326663,0.0,0.0,0.07222730127253467,0.0,0.04019412700442489,0.1701281312636502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578223029607528,0.0,0.0,0.09029571836470544,0.09367962307420602,0.06299445002072894,0.03276199163319116,0.04102594204243579,0.0,0.07972627672469695,0.04161985216359474,0.0,0.0,0.13372193138091035,0.0,0.08635347086405401,0.0969203032930576,0.0,0.0,0.04716728062465169,0.046000011015613566,0.0,0.2650428157932071,0.07418107065923958,0.0,0.046628571073102885,0.04015585603591925,0.047888058586044224,0.0,0.04321584474485808,0.04579894287387677,0.040646130231978383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027212776380334067,0.0,0.0,0.045605947437076064,0.048119791831893466,0.036276355653366274,0.08081344779109262,0.0675611208798699,0.04252832885394789,0.042990449085745466,0.0,0.03867077638843379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035138604519968995,0.047747546325836734,0.0,0.043301420133907365,0.1439673774237476,0.03270197841325576,0.0,0.0,0.03006645846038467,0.0,0.0339233370478007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046464518819466505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0319385003655362,0.03414256100940314,0.03712802886445467,0.03910844038456306,0.048577798161531814,0.0,0.028220788020244168,0.054436938282961,0.04173485161553811,0.0,0.07430855988252942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652021718591141,0.046204344718214385,0.04149526351167291,0.0,0.0,0.07337546694442924,0.0,0.035049161694025464,0.05010976896928404,0.06743481691115832,0.0,0.05172729614968555,0.11457965702020867,0.03937793944418203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030924810228634227,0.0,0.0,0.03017546500304493,0.09288701150408653,0.0,0.027354722643318296
suicidewatch,sooeysidey,2018/02/28,(: Whythefuckamioutwithfriendsbutstillsosad,167.47,189.80595600000004,67.4,-386.3799999999998,-11.0,40.40000000000001,101.0,8.841846274778883,31.6122,40,1,0,1,1,7,1,1,0.0,0.238,0.762,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theatog,2018/02/28,"When I was a little kid, I promise I'll die on I'll die on the happiest day of my life. I remember suicide is such a common thing in my home town. Dying naturally be it accident or desease is too depressing. So I say if I don't get to choose when or why I was born, I should at least choose when I can die. And I will show people that dying shouldn't just be a""way out"". People should not die unhappy. So I promised myself I'll get everything I want and will die at the high point of my life. 

I think I just got there. I'm on antidepressants. I have a good job. I just bought a condo. I think I'm ready. I never did enjoy life much still. And I'm wasting so much resources, resource that could've gone to people who actually like life. And I don't want to just die. I want to spent my life. I want to donate all my organs. If I were to die to capital punishment, I want to commit a crime that is of my Life's worth, whatever it is. I thought about it a lot. If I find a clinic in Mexico, I don't think my organs will go fairly to people that needs it. I don't want them to go to the highest bidder. Maybe Netherland can be my best bet. I don't know how to get a doctor to help me with such what seem silly idea. But I know I'm just a Google away from the answer. 

I've seen brilliant people here with beautiful response. So what say you? I don't even know if I am looking for a CMV. I just feel like I want to share. And I love Reddit. If I've decided what to do Reddit will have my last word for sure.",0.5741236068895645,2.1254259513677844,2.9617720364741658,93.36097619047621,81.27963525835867,6.210374873353598,19.17335359675785,7.1686216300943375,0.14215250253292844,1154,27,278,15,30,398,151,329,0.147,0.6779999999999999,0.17600000000000002,-0.2918,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,1,1,1,22,13,1,0,14,0,30,9,0,1,4,58,63,21,10,16,15,0,1,2,0,7,8,2,2,1,13,8,0,0,16,1,5,3,9,2,0,0,10,5,46,11,33,43,6,25,0,1,2,1,9,13,0,10,11,178,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.07290110829524693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018761853157438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839807845663566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964570384508409,0.0,0.0,0.048178415688764735,0.0,0.06434313459057953,0.0,0.6977860903093459,0.0,0.0,0.07646352809546447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934181570160651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713985705531215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03777299140042,0.053369123894600634,0.0,0.0,0.06827883361381347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709052368550275,0.0,0.08491291858354601,0.0626588417161669,0.05974825280304849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007305258767091,0.07892972255315006,0.07493500524348459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433262586010852,0.0,0.0,0.0741329866489493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316741279101676,0.060894382543260926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31659725623800605,0.07299398338153139,0.0748738350417202,0.0,0.0,0.06273321693652673,0.0,0.0,0.06351134931003748,0.06742399847793762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505101239365716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983324697584032,0.05539266246102415,0.05761694700060359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25895450980419626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062018252399105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462597532835728,0.0,0.0,0.1188165104435586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800844401007976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059659349610070175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171492588739741,0.0,0.0704083897043139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963054950634873,0.14360345776782305,0.0,0.05930726642381416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084397851432078,0.0592971928487603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740946221952128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayt333,2018/02/28,"A Little Venting Session As the title says, it's little. I'm keeping it short because I'm too depressed to even place effort into this. 
Between University, home life, work, and my seemingly unending mental torment, I find myself a tad exhausted of this tale of inertia and duct tape. 
Everyday, it is as if my mind is about to tear itself from my very being or shatter my skull from pure sensory overload alone. Paranoia of how I may appear in public just gives a wonderful, oh so flavorful, twist to my already hellish existence. 
Having to try and brave the miasma of depression and anxiety ends my day on only the highest of notes. Spending what quiet I have in introspection of my utter pointless and useless existence where I will inevitably die alone. I do not know if tonight is very suitable for a death, yet I feel the time drawing near. The thought of my self termination sends me into euphoria...No longer would I have to comprehend a manifestation of hell, contained only within my psyche. For now though, I light a cigar, and pour myself some fine Merlot. Here's to no happy memories! 

Friends from across the spectrum of suicidal tendencies, have a beautiful day/night, get cigar and a drink, and stare blankly with me in spirit. Because despair is held back with comradery and self negligence!    ",7.762260397830019,8.327730485232067,7.741256781193492,69.71325949367089,62.71308016877637,10.822061482820976,38.44755877034358,10.608840637214634,4.401786256781193,1043,51,167,24,14,336,156,237,0.187,0.732,0.081,-0.9791,0,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,2,0,14,0,13,6,1,1,1,34,25,17,3,3,5,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,1,2,7,13,3,3,6,1,1,2,2,7,0,0,2,6,21,4,35,19,1,24,3,4,1,0,7,14,1,8,8,116,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30101989279866603,0.1603666337498155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117106609166147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174378235332104,0.0,0.17717409806630874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874415613107139,0.0,0.25033155272675706,0.0,0.15082147421162842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236040674576256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871231312118095,0.0,0.0,0.0959839260049748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347925811020402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282183519405585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122755518985154,0.0,0.07592483847290554,0.13940627213617296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469815751584975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576999034591348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291690262684698,0.0,0.0,0.07986526686310698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264534987220253,0.0,0.2913019936604875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645057223456068,0.0,0.14673397002950142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637501682001213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104812507312285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518307426007074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556602634520123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229585017813664,0.3032054441754529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895887267931616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427782990720455,0.11536957428575866,0.08473852887795068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866421760999082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398120274476277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759569973153667,0.1057962741606182,0.0,0.0,0.10323270360541427,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loveless_rated_r,2018/02/28,"Selfharmed while drinking last night...and today sucked Last night I was drinking and thought it would be fun to cut my arm with a knife. It was a rush I've been looking for since I don't really feel anything from alcohol anymore, and I don't do drugs. I woke up with some blood on my couch and cleaned it up before my roommate could see. I got pretty scared and sat in the shower for a while before telling myself that today couldn't possibly be any worse than yesterday and to just put this behind me.


Well today sucked. Literally one bad thing after another. Came home, started drinking, made another small cut. This scares me to death but I'm also feeling helpless to stop, like this is the beginning of the end for me. idk at this point I just need to ramble. thanks for reading.

EDIT: one reason I think it's gotten this bad is my shithead dad is getting married again and I enjoy the thought of ruining it. It sounds bad but I can assure you he deserves it.",3.3970789473684206,5.2889327473684205,4.070723684210527,87.02819078947371,74.15789473684211,6.644736842105264,26.61184210526316,7.413659706084162,1.391289473684211,762,28,148,9,16,242,118,190,0.205,0.691,0.104,-0.9612,1,0,5,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,5,17,4,2,7,0,15,7,2,2,1,27,36,11,1,4,4,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,4,0,14,9,4,1,6,4,0,3,3,11,1,2,11,5,18,6,22,20,1,25,0,2,2,0,4,7,2,1,16,94,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580526898229993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413943665462847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005261226234234,0.2468762088233763,0.0,0.0,0.11674511356635164,0.0,0.0,0.09687228981606992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948700746939853,0.0,0.0,0.20033953504137314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463859590396388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398863815205978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459579229489009,0.13651607921494596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426364446699823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190440146326665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061503054158464965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415023297417842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808124707598792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919125676248808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751130969250571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988538863096648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138808478475562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728677126269638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094166320382555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953819543510694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128202625823927,0.13270991379841168,0.0,0.11976202836685952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833959994960208,0.0,0.0,0.11775034971261457,0.0,0.07541348123688693,0.1210342172195206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357134961341996,0.0,0.09380639818820297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737795422344707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332175553393588,0.0,0.0,0.09841793158137348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289115189862064,0.10837937275950052,0.0,0.0,0.07820693626075062,0.07542925731683932,0.0,0.1869106689787212,0.0,0.0,0.33475010188998816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584306300412323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996520176362972,0.0836238402144813,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway213091345,2018/02/28,"What if it's the last time? What if last week is the last time P sees me laugh?  
What if last month is the last time my dad talks to me?     
What if last year is the last time N sees me smile?  
What if 2 Christmases ago is the last time my mom hugs me?   
What if I don't get to travel the world anymore?  
What if I never get to eat anymore?   
or laugh anymore?  
or smile anymore?  
or kiss anymore?  
or cuddle anymore?  
or make people laugh anymore?   
or watch movies anymore?  
or go out anymore?  
or just have fun in general?  
  
Every great moment is like the hourglass of my life is flipping over for a second to fill the ""top."" Every other moment is the hourglass flipping back again. There's just a sparse amount of sand at the top right now and I don't know how to flip it back. :/    ",2.044252539912918,3.4505044654088084,2.9095597484276747,95.98680696661829,76.67295597484276,5.143880019351718,21.664731494920176,4.713530739802397,-0.2405814223512337,586,15,134,1,13,185,77,159,0.014,0.787,0.199,0.9849,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,12,0,10,5,0,2,1,24,17,17,0,7,17,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,10,8,12,17,1,36,1,0,3,3,3,8,0,15,26,80,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240130135482592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7290103904970431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560839495696902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835754641236734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763197101620644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534521471444857,0.0,0.04641864499646405,0.0,0.0,0.09004864474570032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488727592809428,0.5326180793606097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769053711855447,0.0399030189750381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451970715235085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956585457508506,0.06519341403071684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299396259638998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662421059762555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975129646411264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017121351947275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564848789572225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381311599449769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655159726737235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259699698116213
suicidewatch,vr16,2018/02/28,"Please talk to me… Idk what to do anymore really. I live everyday with the pain of wanting to end my life. I used to self harm but even that doesn't take away the pain anymore. Been to years of therapy even took antidepressants. Neither worked. About 20 minutes ago I told my boyfriend that I couldn't do it anymore I couldn't be alive and he answers with ""idk how to help you"" and idk if that means that he doesn't care if I die or if that he truly doesn't know but it hurt. And now I just really want to die. I really don't want to continue being here anymore. I don't want to feel anymore of this pain. I won't go into detail about my life and what caused me to be like this but I've been living with this pain everyday for about 4 years and I feel like I'm done. My body is tired of feeling constant dread. Please talk to me. ",1.0192721834496508,2.883714011299439,2.4705882352941195,95.89417746759722,81.20338983050847,5.972615486872716,20.016284479893653,7.048011613610866,0.15951937520771065,648,17,153,8,17,210,87,177,0.199,0.634,0.16699999999999998,-0.8157,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,1,9,10,0,1,2,0,17,8,1,3,0,32,33,13,2,9,8,0,3,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,12,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,5,3,18,3,24,22,1,13,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,4,11,92,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909132308360361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085596887909529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635847376043803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392101312875105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456673105705247,0.10535734706054364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083089923361623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288212644331428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049544637730393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908376975490474,0.0,0.0,0.13547979410176955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557221673249635,0.07326886752970573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828719800183892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874379021285043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979257577788112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636428077517797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448822885768325,0.10021124778831234,0.0,0.1811246760397524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171788063004097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365241830092471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516011149238588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710764096354008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069924227346589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711233839794779,0.16486764802336526,0.0,0.0,0.1172862710392432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787760552423075,0.0,0.09800045242378996,0.11394790729128625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857889024795587,0.0,0.0,0.24197012493247924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466488419775635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209052429585805
suicidewatch,Canadian_Beast14,2018/02/28,"Anyone else just living day by day, remembering nothing, thinking about nothing, enjoying very little, and being incredibly lonely, but almost as if it's sort of your own fault? Like you've done this to yourself? I cannot verbally explain to anyone over a text, or a call, or by any other means how terrible I feel as of this moment. There are too many reasons and too many complicated situations that I would have to explain for anyone to even have the slightest idea of what kind of pain I'm in at this time. 

Maybe I'm being overbearing...

Its almost as if my chest is hurting? I forget everything? I have no drive? I'm going to grow up to be that old man who tells those kids to ""chase their dreams or end up like me."" 

Just kill me. ",4.530068965517241,5.515895144827589,5.527068965517241,81.26232758620692,69.9655172413793,8.282758620689657,26.91379310344828,8.548686976883017,1.812158620689656,576,18,113,9,10,190,101,145,0.2,0.738,0.062,-0.9736,0,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,1,0,8,10,1,0,3,0,11,2,1,2,0,24,20,12,1,3,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,2,0,0,8,1,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,1,10,4,23,15,1,15,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,8,8,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054925176927419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373207985604103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199774615945689,0.15629472754116802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575986800200825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967506956819782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610085261070894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742716536216073,0.0,0.13510470662080146,0.0,0.0,0.1007508904840032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709265232959686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712854636018192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669170397603937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329667241514415,0.1721985101570466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876233833423512,0.15884639907709222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904617353642247,0.15288463643140848,0.13469515893952266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093021893184953,0.15324641428103605,0.1661602164527527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927314976357218,0.0,0.16006452845342153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231276570639985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568359948677753,0.0,0.0,0.17279749946720507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146077106116334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332623238140748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774114201083912,0.0,0.0,0.08894699975405736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586104944733376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835967279331322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ifuckedmohamed,2018/02/28,"im a pussy who is too lazy to do the right thing im ugly, retarded, short, friendless, literally no skills whatsoever. im literally as close you can get to down syndrome without actually being medically retarded and im also an asshole so i dont even have the cope that i have a good personality or im a good person

fuck, i need to. i need to do this. its for my own sake, and everyone elses. 

its so hard to look at my face that everyone gets scared when they make eye contact with me. my body is fucked., my eyesight is fucked, i have nothing but b ad memories

like i dont really want anyone to talk to about this i need to vent, i just need to get this out and forget about it until the next time i remember im subhuman and useless, a neet, fucking hel l im cringing every time i think about my own life

i need to suicide before my current situation ends and i end up on the street like the retard i am",1.260634089586972,3.113980895287962,4.05513961605585,84.88880599185575,80.36125654450262,7.385805700988946,24.22367655613729,8.344100000000001,1.5478165212332755,705,26,154,15,18,251,113,191,0.201,0.745,0.054000000000000006,-0.9762,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,1,1,10,10,4,1,10,0,13,9,3,1,0,22,29,13,1,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,3,22,4,23,28,2,17,0,1,2,4,7,9,4,1,10,95,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0863985954474082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708023964475554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061906595223311676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533781637209754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834379983261872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752761989904567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396066498450386,0.0,0.15683365341779798,0.0,0.0,0.05847734929047192,0.0,0.07459559789925188,0.16920033647837934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32740129645044824,0.13876958832584035,0.0,0.0,0.1485199894276848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931107773335673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6694402992012645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253576226094755,0.08650866616093614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434814035010838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909862544717667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919094392249709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282424881211918,0.0,0.0,0.09415929208011174,0.0,0.0,0.08495290688415806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546128536508872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671858028653104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029429699649428,0.07560946233017002,0.0,0.0,0.0886402181402494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951843949755727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684427286300257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116207331197139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881954155299396,0.056730445497401964,0.0,0.0,0.1032523831396485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052220966260499005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534577269052465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AncientSir,2018/02/28,"Because nobody gives a fuck until your dead And even if they fucking would help some people are just fucking strange and useless or maybe just too broken inside. 
I'm so fucking tired of people crapping on the ""weak"" what the fuck is wrong with human beings Jesus christ. 
",11.605600000000004,8.651855160000004,9.5,71.48,57.4,10.0,39.0,3.1291,2.8318,218,7,35,0,2,65,43,50,0.384,0.573,0.044,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,5,9,6,0,3,0,4,8,1,0,0,9,11,6,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,9,1,2,2,1,0,5,5,1,6,3,1,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122405169087838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161242063386535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8511001409757007,0.0,0.17662888893651504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341469496257773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849776940396968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552973320786732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162389626245173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079668124204571,0.20131111209057231,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noonethrowaway123,2018/02/28,Just worthless and lonely Here I sit as a mom in her 30s with a kid. I have no job since I was laid off and I no longer have anywhere to live. I had to move in with my parents. My kid is ADHD/ODD and bullying kids at school no matter what I do. I'm tired. My parents tell me that I'm a bad parent because I'm not sticking up for my kid. He's threatening to stab others (he's 9 so the concept of death is still rather abstract) and pouring milk over the heads of other children. He now eats lunch alone. I can't seem to help him and since I no longer have mental health insurance I can't even take him to a counselor. I don't qualify for state assistance because my severance is too much and Obamacare would cost me roughly 1/3 of my monthly income. I don't know what more to do. I'm feeling like a complete failure. ,0.6733333333333321,2.6978965632183893,2.557011494252876,93.94747126436785,83.36781609195403,5.2459770114942526,23.459770114942533,6.42735559955562,0.5288528735632183,638,24,142,6,18,212,106,174,0.245,0.726,0.029,-0.9891,5,3,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,15,6,1,0,0,16,23,8,1,2,3,4,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,5,8,3,0,3,0,1,1,9,3,0,0,2,2,22,1,20,20,2,12,0,2,0,0,17,6,0,1,4,90,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938477603937264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705514315848746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467633484248145,0.1966504209490189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691169326668765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504719347735075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065352083584676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155665639672291,0.11523067510130215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655373511038366,0.1714512667214557,0.0,0.0,0.10811404109716093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006247574355412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864466374739383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880161195823987,0.0,0.14242828776562874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254953174573294,0.0,0.0,0.18890920527751545,0.1287458003589944,0.17143328285601978,0.11857192205917555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373039989481381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632412688374975,0.0,0.1468388151049157,0.0,0.1822198031181196,0.0,0.2668532434066011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881206641596188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121275339879288,0.0,0.140980768290658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538728005281413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458082666300527,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Orion_135,2018/02/28,"Birthday Suicide For ten years I've struggled with depression and anxiety. The first 8 years I never reached out to anyone for help and my condition progressively exacerbated itself to the point it is now. The only pleasure I get now is derived from anything that can induce an instant dopamine rush. A soda, some good food, sex, masturbation, a hot shower. That's all I live for. And these things only make me momentarily content with life. I'm going to kill myself on my birthday. It's several months away.",4.399892473118282,7.131386193548387,5.442150537634412,74.44989247311828,74.16129032258064,7.574193548387097,30.76344086021505,8.515128840125781,2.846389247311828,408,19,66,8,9,134,70,93,0.18,0.728,0.092,-0.84,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,1,6,0,3,4,0,2,2,11,7,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,0,1,7,2,12,7,2,13,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,7,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952457911773364,0.0,0.0,0.15494895617759005,0.0,0.18235919388588206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820195080105725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086509020657536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884941651334521,0.26796147375287344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577766355221306,0.0,0.12594126761369304,0.18586886623560134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853484773282505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451692819550408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565237282255659,0.0,0.0,0.19567822848377653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792075531755475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688024292217586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709127765793952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33707592888322585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948509259944906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034667500525065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316660548026542,0.0,0.2423961281955513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472222229893981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854082652772713
suicidewatch,mypersonalreddit000,2018/02/28,I want to die I just can’t bring myself to do it I want it so badly though I just want to die I don’t care about “it’s going to get better” I don’t care about life anymore I can’t find any happiness I’m just going to waste away doing nothing but live in misery I have absolutely no motivation no worth no joy no light in my life I want to die so badly because I’m a freak I have no one that can relate to me and no one understands how I feel no one can ever help me I’m only a burden I’m causing people pain just trying to be happy but I still can’t find happiness and it still causes them pain I can’t do school anymore people that say they’ll be my friends always end up leaving me I hate everything about myself I used to think I had talent I used to have self confidence I don’t I don’t have anything anymore I’m worthless and no matter what anyone does to help me change or tell me how to better myself it doesn’t work because I’m a failure I want to just go to sleep and never wake up again people hate me I won’t ever find love happiness success I don’t even have the motivation to look at this point ,0.5246341463414659,2.322343597560973,3.085548780487805,91.19710365853659,82.53658536585365,5.5634146341463415,19.193089430894307,6.6274283507984215,0.07469430894308983,879,22,198,9,24,306,109,246,0.267,0.484,0.25,-0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,4,0.0,0,0,2,6,19,22,2,0,4,0,25,7,2,8,3,35,52,12,3,5,8,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,8,0,1,4,20,9,0,3,1,4,35,13,24,47,0,18,0,1,1,1,9,7,0,1,7,131,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481931330037506,0.0,0.0,0.06114759648558565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675246776191934,0.0628730370688929,0.0,0.07399518292914269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448129818653084,0.0,0.15015621879582405,0.10962684598169498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905103805450782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833556062497241,0.18474193510561768,0.09512174608255552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799633135641932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868819914351838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964101457540652,0.0,0.0,0.059390256181395575,0.16267268425047404,0.0,0.0,0.08081286133877398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546544556801858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24655137001530544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947073398325883,0.0,0.046978653563339655,0.0,0.1533080993092413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828792418922316,0.0,0.17755161132771258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054081831728955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521060404642337,0.0,0.0,0.12702405243192758,0.0,0.0,0.07939959594781132,0.0,0.07550881077167332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115486804528689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693506145669529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627913139740183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182793107985062,0.06838699625513084,0.19135903793018064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701429355099544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500195365814611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150672197083997,0.0,0.09100222288028663,0.0,0.0,0.09380450328860616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998333954159529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361790325612792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859264626638013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761608096563248,0.08834437297962995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104869225176944,0.0,0.0,0.093608227153562,0.0,0.15532125713560138,0.0,0.0,0.26518101469045063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546166724947901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OnOrOff20Men,2018/02/28,I'm ready I'm not sad anymore. I'm done crying and I'm done being afraid. There's no need for that anymore. I'm ready to leave. I'm ready to be free.,-2.6533333333333324,-0.9639618888888872,0.3291111111111107,105.52700000000002,98.44444444444444,2.8800000000000003,12.755555555555556,3.1291,-1.8572711111111109,116,2,32,0,5,40,21,36,0.159,0.514,0.327,0.7817,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,11,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980185443984121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33118612649593804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6170830783195315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31924740934096185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235601401256408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3671,2018/02/28,Feel like it's inevitable Continually have the feeling that eventually in gonna do it. Things just keep getting worse.,4.050000000000002,7.411746380952383,4.559047619047622,74.84428571428573,85.19047619047619,6.609523809523811,30.809523809523807,7.793537801064563,2.734923809523809,98,5,16,2,3,31,20,21,0.134,0.693,0.173,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868466117687958,0.3439306257971734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515250651019709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279132941840783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352002857815175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198378520150869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906139312337713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,creepyrodent,2018/02/28,"Third day not sleeping today. I have bipolar disorder. Got a really bad euphoria crisis at the beggining of last year, blacked out and woke up in a clinic (I didn't do really terrible things, as relatives told me. The worst was threatening my sister with a knife), and so I began taking pills since then. But pills were making me tired, fat and dizzy, so I stopped taking them for 3 months now (But haven't told anyone except you guys. I fake that I swallow them, then I roll them in toilet paper and put in the trash, it's a perfect disguise). I'm not depressed nor suicidal, nor even euphoric (I would've know the difference) but wanted to tell someone what I'm feeling... well, actually I can't, I don't know exactly what I'm feeling, but I don't feel any sleep and am beggining to lost the sense of dangerness... today was walking outside in a road and out of nowhere thought about jumping in front of the cars, and almost did it, it felt just like a trivial action at the moment - actually, anything is feeling like a trivial action right now. the weirdest part is I'm not suicidal, don't know what is happening, all I know is I can't sleep.

(Sorry if my post is off-topic for this subreddit, but I have no one else to tell all this...)",6.563934065934068,5.81267120816327,7.220408163265308,76.8628885400314,65.48979591836735,10.47723704866562,34.3563579277865,9.851270322608157,3.1868116169544747,966,38,189,18,13,321,138,245,0.153,0.759,0.08800000000000001,-0.8949,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,3,2,8,11,1,0,15,0,20,10,4,1,4,39,45,20,2,2,11,1,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,10,10,2,1,10,0,0,7,13,7,1,2,13,6,22,4,23,32,4,33,0,2,1,0,10,12,0,2,15,124,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.2356412351257357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089935376814916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821044097206664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442120201901812,0.0,0.0993551859066469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080925840662082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786453213662486,0.0,0.10398947328331737,0.0,0.0,0.12614309925602027,0.13837356132463324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085917691959458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974478486790745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441903712064441,0.08625360139361589,0.11592519673276006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656336108152827,0.0,0.0,0.11954731560035,0.10676617234405313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265412711877878,0.0984157021083903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797071953358035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179726847036066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805920109145924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637007624492573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181362852453469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074498716840222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563141703978212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137271634060708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469274985415649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103107619970045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987381080233916,0.0,0.36246865301558817,0.0,0.10229895873039786,0.0,0.0,0.13515372070101828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009404434165952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641304983503209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155642697792693,0.0,0.21105663021791532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021142791328106,0.0,0.0,0.09585065192314653,0.0,0.13876791525402918,0.22888663461758066,0.23073625251075444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121303839119585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855588550317427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576717043142768,0.0,0.0,0.07774982618551765
suicidewatch,_oceaneyes_,2018/02/28,Should I call an ambulance My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight and I was really upset bymseld I took 30 Tylenol 1’s with codeine and now I’m scared should I call an ambulance or go to the hospital ,-1.1073837209302333,0.7098418372093036,1.3248546511627914,95.13751453488373,107.3720930232558,5.8709302325581385,21.65406976744186,7.1686216300943375,1.1974209302325587,161,7,36,4,8,54,32,43,0.201,0.7440000000000001,0.055,-0.7264,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7321496395518454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374728302085535,0.0,0.2867300848194673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966819293494786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35892715612391723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983134772712769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MendingWall27,2018/02/28,"Im so depressed I cant breathe It takes effort to do the most basic of tasks. I have no partner, children and stuck in a job I hate. I have major debt and low self image and I dont have any talent. I feel worthless everyday. Not sure why I dont just end it. Im tired of seeing evil people get ahead while bad things happen to good people.",-0.9904054054054044,1.0982232027027052,1.4878918918918913,97.57535135135136,94.0,3.5005405405405408,15.508108108108113,4.935628992294339,-0.9759632432432428,263,6,60,1,10,89,53,74,0.401,0.565,0.034,-0.9821,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,9,2,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,1,8,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,2,7,3,6,13,2,6,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,4,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739638342753585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686977297346703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740196122506902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735865238684086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789504085862145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215917143104387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055592937233364,0.0,0.0,0.16946434781126082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866623732368794,0.0,0.0,0.1994759456646006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364829047682989,0.0,0.20049681560780727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28014279175818385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100236443483815,0.0,0.21077524288479707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042343450476024,0.0,0.15191142923784848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342286016346488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221907028561534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231266711065885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evilninjaduckie,2018/02/28,"I'm not about to, but it's on my mind It's on my mind a lot. *What if I weren't here any more?*

On the whole, at the outset, it seems like I'm doing pretty well for myself. I'm in my mid-twenties. I have a university degree and the thousands in debt that accompanies it, not really a massive drain at the moment. I have a job, and though the contract expires in a few months it's engaging and something I enjoy - for the most part, anyway. My parents support me by letting me rent at home at a reduced rate. It's hardly like I'm hard done by, so why do I feel this way?

I surmise that most of my feelings come from a sense of inadequacy. Like I'm just doing this job day in and day out because I don't have the motivation to do anything with any grandeur behind it. Maybe part of me feels I don't deserve that sense of grandeur.  When I was young I wanted to be a hero - police, armed forces, fire crew - or perhaps a scientist, somebody expanding our horizons, maybe into space. Nowadays my only ambition is to get through the week in one piece, spend my entire weekend doing nothing and then start the week wishing for the weekend again.

The other reasons are simple. Anxiety. A paranoid sense that even my closest friends don't really like me, just tolerate me while I'm around. I have that tiny ring of friends I think everyone has - those who I would call my closest, my absolute world, and I still can't be certain that they like me. It rips my soul in half thinking about it.

I hate my body; although I'm only slightly overweight. It seems every fault stands out in the eye of the person who has them. I'm naive and romantic, but I seem to hurt everyone I love. I make stupid mistakes and don't learn from them. I'm a waste of air.

There's three reasons I haven't picked the easy way out yet:

1. I'm not good with pain. I'm sure there are painless approaches but I don't want to depress myself even further looking up what they are.
2. The emotional turmoil my suicide would cause to countless friends and loved ones would be a cruel thing to impose on them as my last action in this world.
3. It would be bloody inconvenient to all the people who rely on me for things. My boss. My D&D group. My friends. My appointments. Basically, my schedule is too packed to make my own suicide viable.

That's where we are on the topic. I've tried talking to counsellors, psychiatry-trained people, I've been to group and one-to-one therapy, I've had CBT and mindfulness courses. I've talked through my problems with people. I've stopped trying to help other people with their problems and address my own, and it hasn't got me anywhere. I just keep feeling how I feel; maybe with some mindfulness application or talking to friends it passes - for a time. But not for long, and soon enough the smile on my face is just concealing a hurt grimace.",3.053664454277288,4.9031927097345145,4.016908185840709,87.22848912241889,75.0,6.690634218289086,27.700036873156343,7.492282038375204,1.5251895280235992,2231,90,448,28,48,719,270,565,0.163,0.6679999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.8,5,0,1,0,0,2,79.0,2,0,6,2,24,32,3,1,32,0,40,8,4,9,3,84,76,29,2,11,15,1,8,5,5,4,2,1,3,1,33,26,1,2,14,2,3,4,13,12,1,5,6,11,63,20,67,61,14,62,1,3,2,2,27,33,0,10,27,303,96,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800975781630131,0.0,0.10054290875317257,0.0,0.05655233196613513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083387862328215,0.06580881747339641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506392158453002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211387811673193,0.0,0.0,0.07548556925526688,0.0,0.0,0.07594121679249982,0.0,0.06367973961078438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953508657617276,0.0,0.06367139206765003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565081989155224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315554161155879,0.0,0.07638416390182777,0.0,0.09765337398798997,0.0,0.06228490097361743,0.14127678440880626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689320627038888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285570900139192,0.0,0.03862269941942203,0.0,0.0,0.06200468321602411,0.0591244808601064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244434690113369,0.0729855157140523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049550289764720895,0.0,0.07415268355837719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827622908089606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467180760808688,0.06570783127377815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060258645002307584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559319984415178,0.0,0.18057981492657468,0.0,0.0,0.06542119380079373,0.06207828195885474,0.0,0.0,0.0628482906279939,0.13344018345310582,0.0,0.09869086480480432,0.0,0.222802438780636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985722265890801,0.0,0.05900613508698644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093291751407482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028023857964135,0.11244640704731564,0.07866128595195251,0.0,0.0820848324276931,0.16010688536134188,0.0,0.20500081914060936,0.06454835506446482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752081809068481,0.0,0.1414722555441269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947163440202464,0.15201418059955585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189530693662827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056910985381319265,0.0,0.0,0.052324411577906085,0.0,0.059036505816736085,0.061804511027286235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172364361984942,0.08388907941728617,0.06967332589935117,0.0,0.0,0.17825405844858416,0.0,0.0,0.08453954455266162,0.0,0.09822481283385613,0.0947361581515072,0.07263082068516813,0.0,0.04310619286025932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038028389254976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720562081088748,0.11735625994625527,0.11859616163435133,0.0,0.06646734644277101,0.0,0.0667057072267191,0.08253449012655989,0.08500996536062216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005645908770906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Amartin9659,2018/02/28,"What a concept Suicide is an interesting concept. We have reached a point in our lives where nothing is meaningful, nothing brings us joy, it seems as if no-one can help us, and the only way to stop feeling what we are feeling is to end it. Why do these impulsive thoughts seem to invade the thoughts of some, while completely skipping others? 

I do not know why I have chosen to write this. 

For me, the idea suicide has always been a way to cope with my problems. For many years, I have told myself that no matter what happens, if life ever gets too unbearable, I’ll just kill myself. 

Objectively my life is perfect. My parents are happily married, and extremely supportive. I have an older brother who is also extremely supportive. Financially, I am doing well. I have a steady job, savings, a Roth IRA, etc. In addition to this, I have the support/safety net of my parents. I have good friends, passions, hobbies and many things to get me out of bed in the morning. 

But…

I have addictive tendencies, and a lack of self control.

I have stolen money from my parents to support my habits
I have stolen money from my girlfriends parents to support my habits
I have lied/used every person I know to get what I want
I have abused a dog to feel better about myself
I have given a girl a black eye out of anger
I have abused my parents
I have abused my brother
I have stolen money and alcohol from my employer
I have pretended to be something I am not in order to get ahead
I have snitched on good friends to get out of trouble

I am good at hiding all of these things (I think). 

People always tell me how friendly, and nice, and positive I am. 

If only they knew in the back of my head, all I want to do is slide that action back, chamber a round and pull the trigger. 

At what point do you cross that line and actually pull the trigger.
 
",4.602773109243699,5.712542308123252,5.282841456582634,82.62147226890758,69.89635854341736,7.952896358543417,31.36683473389356,8.238735603445708,2.2939045154061617,1432,61,275,20,25,463,175,357,0.142,0.696,0.162,0.166,7,0,2,0,3,3,44.0,5,1,1,4,10,22,2,0,20,0,39,7,2,4,4,52,65,16,3,7,6,7,4,0,4,0,4,0,1,3,18,16,1,2,13,1,3,6,3,4,1,0,6,6,51,18,43,58,5,32,0,0,3,1,26,14,0,6,9,201,69,2,0.0,0.2678593100137329,0.07353814980172699,0.08215091017800963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053435961028918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026344767897245,0.12540712448972804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158906899076623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664767574598332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901101272630086,0.0,0.08451995925116132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667444686992081,0.0,0.08404364692904291,0.0,0.0681652659754335,0.06349203044861691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430920455201933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466329081479914,0.0,0.19685618578605724,0.0,0.0,0.1896191455635225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663847922376201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733864107213137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051061264128925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506956092570128,0.0,0.0,0.07478079284283387,0.0,0.08337202226543503,0.0,0.08282913538007647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645460679763168,0.0,0.0,0.06654214382779806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280156265397168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461530445462314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462570524291042,0.0,0.0,0.4183784993152905,0.0,0.0,0.052243473327429096,0.06579935202750169,0.0,0.0,0.14247458462337675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210704854814617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720546258750585,0.07861441453213905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801396422259821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300233017418623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485797271030625,0.42757457276241617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586586630871742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012848555219728,0.0482861090241462,0.0,0.11965103808688556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200741878971674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719377526497445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889573307920495,0.119630714882241,0.0,0.0,0.06775553494049467,0.0,0.13599703068097835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048527825463467726
suicidewatch,everstorms,2018/02/28,"I never thought I would live this long, and I can't see myself doing this much longer I've had depression since I was 12. Bullied in school, abusive father, alcoholic mother who died a year later, blah blah blah. I made a promise to myself a couple months after she died that I would kill myself before my 16th birthday. Those years were filled with plenty of suicide attempts, but they were shitty ones that would not have worked. My first real life-threatening attempt was a few months after my 16th birthday after my father threw a computer at me then screamed at me it would be my fault if the thing was broken. I googled how many acetaminophen pills it would take to kill myself, and took 5 more just in case. I wrote two suicide notes - one to ""those who cared"" and one to my father. You can guess what was in those notes. I went onto MSN and a friend of mine picked up on what I'd done and convinced me to go to the hospital. They gave me activated charcoal and offered me two options - press charges against my father, or agree to joint counseling sessions and personal anger management counseling for him. I chose the latter. They didn't do much - he wasn't violent with me after that, but the verbal abuse didn't stop until I moved out 2 years later.

I had like two years where my depression wasn't so bad, and I was like finally, I can start living the life I want to live. I can have dreams and goals. But it came back, as it always does. First it manifested itself in excessive binge drinking - a little more than the typical uni chick should be drinking. I was getting blackout every single time I drank. Then I discovered my ex had posted a nude photo I'd sent him to a revenge porn website with my full name. Every single career I'd wanted post-uni requires an extensive background check where that photo was sure to come up. So I gave up those dreams, and sunk further into my depression. My friend killed himself a few months later, and at first I thought it would make me not want to kill myself. After all, I'd gone 5 years since that hospitalization without a suicide attempt. But it had the opposite effect. The following two years I tried to kill myself 5 times, landing in the hospital 3 times for those because they were near-fatal. My method of choice hasn't changed from swallowing pills, but I did research and learned you could combine methods to increase potential lethality, which I started implementing the last time I had an attempt, last January. You might think, well wow you've gone a year since an attempt! And you're right, for a while there I was doing really good. I only had 3 classes left to take to finish my degree, all of which I could take online. So I moved to a new city, across the country, to a less harsh climate. I think my depression is seasonally driven, and it has made a difference. But slowly, over time, the depression has come back with a vengeance. In my old city I was very social, extroverted and loved getting to know people. But last May I was sexually assaulted by a Tinder guy. And I haven't been able to meet up with a stranger since. I don't see myself ever going on another date. I've been asked on dates, have gotten to know guys over like 3 weeks of texting, but I get panic attacks the morning of the dates and bail on them. I can't seem to fucking get over it. I'm fucking up my courses. One course has an essay that's 3 weeks overdue. The prof emailed me and asked when I was planning on turning it in and I told him I'd send it by Monday morning. It's Tuesday night and I can't start it. I'm working full-time at a job I fucking hate for shitty pay. I'm in the application process for a job I really want with great pay but I would have to relocate to the city where my dad lives. He and I still talk, and while he's nowhere near as abusive he was when I was a teen, he's still an asshole. But he's all I have, so I keep him in my life.

Tonight I was researching suicide methods again. I could call in sick to work tomorrow and buy the supplies. But I won't, because the only thing stopping me from killing myself is my cat. She's 11 and she's the best thing in my life. I don't know what would happen to her if I killed myself. Whenever my father visits she runs under the bed and doesn't come out until he's gone, so she couldn't live with him. My grandmother lives nearby but is allergic. I don't want her to wind up in a shelter. She's been so good to me all this time. My mother, who hated cats all her life, used to say she was the only cat she loved.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have to write this essay tonight. It's 7pm and I have to be up at 5am for work. I'm such a fuckup. I'm 24 but I still feel like a fucking weak powerless stupid teenage girl.

Also, sorry for how fucking long this is. I'm not in therapy anymore (that shit is so expensive when you don't have health insurance!!!) and I guess I just needed to vent.",3.6938770855507777,4.910188651866804,4.540710504126178,86.68710711471742,72.16851664984864,7.407937188117717,26.693405028821033,7.809484643483793,1.4330111856019236,3858,130,794,49,73,1246,389,991,0.189,0.716,0.095,-0.9989,3,1,6,0,1,9,114.0,0,4,5,18,29,48,20,1,52,0,86,25,2,8,8,123,162,64,14,21,23,9,2,7,2,12,11,2,1,5,44,41,5,4,12,4,5,22,22,30,1,11,52,6,128,18,108,91,17,142,0,5,2,9,72,49,6,9,74,525,172,20,0.045216937178731126,0.1607240298855355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048323154495369086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615996832540184,0.0376241139860189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474139011692804,0.0,0.0,0.08968610305566684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454346484854271,0.05144079376980268,0.0,0.06953806723096348,0.03775425383151276,0.05512765043143418,0.0,0.03847628315431188,0.0,0.047452385905744056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046171548416135993,0.05171613020295829,0.046101681004606584,0.0,0.04783352398318892,0.11685116279471333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830613500465552,0.05003168094837563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472640867507013,0.0,0.0938560839156125,0.04724207541727851,0.0,0.0,0.03956964643667011,0.046272625719113565,0.0,0.08859076833477103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04090130839667047,0.07619443952718051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02286304205451314,0.03230298895525677,0.0,0.04953294449287169,0.0,0.1153845109954369,0.0,0.0,0.06986898699765064,0.20901164902859126,0.0944959336625146,0.0,0.051395654846798186,0.07585164320493172,0.0,0.04985183286936218,0.09962310820989076,0.08954375360736021,0.03998518821592368,0.0,0.0,0.08928472834515705,0.0,0.048063489781683816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974166612405196,0.04019089135722274,0.3501808907916703,0.0,0.09940018459345654,0.11057351647463418,0.0,0.0,0.049128334547663965,0.0,0.1596902997651853,0.08836284603923793,0.045319249968708966,0.23956430364906786,0.080031133018289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162010238179747,0.08557071851663574,0.0301826566820745,0.045842877220310836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047968024773303,0.0,0.0,0.10827518358395764,0.09611689661269436,0.06647930310768144,0.033527785976298526,0.03487408948799346,0.0436707996917884,0.0,0.042433032462910594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474475692615369,0.0,0.1225606674233609,0.10316855483295084,0.0,0.053052333245872635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0313477308963851,0.039481685445896406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661065340265865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146677375675409,0.05793425560508796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861501728948906,0.0,0.03595832331949456,0.0,0.045761954441940034,0.07206408934971414,0.04116380137812349,0.0,0.0,0.046414536229120285,0.14961567077272933,0.0,0.0,0.04609297315054582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506166592064177,0.09601434259621297,0.0,0.10833091332010072,0.07560676832367805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783996107062024,0.0,0.0426164281704832,0.0,0.10199252832342506,0.036343661317125575,0.0,0.0,0.05170950835902925,0.0,0.0901203716054877,0.057946375128459876,0.0,0.0717943946780345,0.1581981581633677,0.0,0.0,0.043206721203550284,0.05023768095245495,0.030699332226649133,0.049183043280087546,0.17668150938270613,0.0,0.0,0.03905291578566469,0.0,0.03730870867320158,0.13335060539230656,0.0,0.07254059912234524,0.0,0.04065545685952896,0.04191655377379233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358751387013074,0.0,0.13167387518895565,0.0,0.0,0.25696651867571485,0.0,0.0,0.2038275753330878
suicidewatch,TheMigel,2018/02/28,"I feel guilty I’ve been depressed since I was 7 years old, that’s as far back as I can remember. I asked my parents for years to be happy as my birthday or christmas present. They never think I have depression. It’s always go outside or something else like that. 

But I know they are great people. I know I don’t deserve to be their child. I get food, new stuff, and clothes. But what if I wasn’t here. They wouldn’t need to waste all this money on someone like me. If I killed myself, nobody would need to waste time or money on me anymore. I am worthless in my eyes. I starve myself and refuse gifts just to make myself feel better. Even if people love me, I don’t tell them much. I don’t want to burden them with problems that they shouldn’t need to deal with. Because when it happens, at least they will be more detached. ",2.1514990138067063,3.979165491124264,2.7684970414201198,95.28099013806707,77.52071005917159,4.980039447731756,21.917554240631162,5.2151,-0.08967487179487144,644,18,140,2,15,200,103,169,0.175,0.691,0.134,-0.7503,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,8,1,5,12,1,0,0,0,17,3,1,1,2,31,32,14,1,11,9,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,1,6,0,2,1,7,6,0,0,3,3,32,6,17,22,4,15,0,3,1,1,15,5,0,6,11,94,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297584982512653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465525714221529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578726079479332,0.0,0.0,0.11991186262270973,0.0,0.09506245296250393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792043078771696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077215724943011,0.26862991504787176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027180190581614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300001581031863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770067056205295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885689725984713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147467902802642,0.0,0.0886269772630274,0.0,0.0,0.17192960266400606,0.0,0.0,0.13790139954180605,0.1660060526085778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725297258724724,0.0,0.17140627794635072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523734247605136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407461969219014,0.0,0.10409431051997282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463731131647285,0.34689309836699234,0.12027418058333104,0.1506123808668028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636377493258116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315815506547808,0.0,0.0,0.2162248650538988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492180347968174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665496643855033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899908261985435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213145391342762,0.12005386306012572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851939321942653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630255749844306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992307883406228,0.0,0.0,0.09093261942337816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198023535136376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077865373988252,0.0,0.0,0.20084657171307216
suicidewatch,K1LLWHITEY,2018/02/28,"Last week of my life. Scared to death, but I'm ready for the shit show to be over. Title pretty well sums it up.    

37 in approximately a week.  Mentally ill since i was 12.  Severely mentally ill since my early 20's.   Obese.  Tried to lose weight all my life, failed.   

Been laid a fair few times, but I've never had a serious girlfriend.   I cannot describe what it feels like to be unloveable, more like an observer of humanity than part of it.  

Struggled to try and survive by my self for years, but I am just not equipped to deal with this world on my own. Longest I ever held down a job was for 4 years, until recently when I had a ""melt down"", AKA a combination between my Major Depressive Disorder and Severe Panic attacks, and took some time off.  Eventually was given the option of quitting or being fired. Quit.  Gave up after that, terminated friendships with the handful of people I knew.  Figure they'd hurt less when I went. 

Money is gone now.  Tomorrow is the last day my apartment is paid for.  Got maybe two weeks before eviction.  Don't need the second week though.

I'm a failure in just about every aspect in life that is possible. 

I need my family, but they want nothing to do with me, except my Dad.   He doesn't want me around though due to his current wife not caring for me much.   All of them are thousands of miles away anyway.

I want to tell them I am going to kill myself, but I don't know how to make it not feel like extortion.  Cause it kind of is.  

I have nothing left now... I am looking forward to this being over.  The feeling of impending relief is strong, but I'm still really scared.  

I hope hell isn't real. ",2.0339957430340547,4.259440126934987,3.544085719814241,87.63132981811145,79.61919504643963,6.390441176470588,22.168053405572767,7.531066641456977,0.935368498452013,1263,39,255,19,32,416,196,323,0.231,0.649,0.12,-0.9945,4,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,4,6,15,23,4,4,14,0,28,9,2,3,4,43,54,16,2,6,13,2,6,3,1,0,6,0,0,2,10,7,2,1,6,1,2,5,9,14,1,3,15,7,32,9,49,34,10,47,1,4,1,0,14,18,2,4,29,171,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718407113595436,0.0,0.11141668034870672,0.09201437817452174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333657836607562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985258545997742,0.10060755839693912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316081174689017,0.10096802543479703,0.08435239210300834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224348516262414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885889907505832,0.0825155571193016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232562799272773,0.0,0.1485586085502098,0.13993142527471744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565945651036693,0.0,0.07832860615171684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727284437816,0.0,0.0,0.1048428352393495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718666641545308,0.0,0.10835200602007286,0.10198558611448502,0.053823229492780775,0.15966231256354668,0.0,0.0,0.10640807703816266,0.0,0.20752591606591445,0.14354018839472782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224182652251047,0.1095656691108084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537324106370124,0.0,0.09839017737386373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739351205676745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199444955397838,0.14523705173126586,0.0755345125179017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794504335009174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490714706813768,0.0,0.10605546960589464,0.0,0.06789669942826805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104084636008814,0.0,0.09963642633206493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833462157339686,0.0,0.11147295094038118,0.0627405018950305,0.0,0.09670028160875843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961026438288648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216892052266197,0.2212802861840452,0.10053020506866878,0.16202783961926476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821205607934263,0.0,0.0,0.10238428552083796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560064334385528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244383595977216,0.0,0.11421488879505486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881083338620216,0.1329846386477499,0.0,0.09566953487591713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173296102409947,0.0,0.31423437130017745,0.1192600298016453,0.08805649581573609,0.09078793173435726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613553309330333
suicidewatch,mikechilton,2018/02/28,"Dad just died, birthday coming up. My dad died early this month and my birthay is on Saturday. It's going to be my first birthday without him here. It'll be the first Easter without him here, and first summer without him. It's hard to enjoy anything like this. I've always beem depressed but my mind has been slipping into darker and darker places recently. I'm almost 19 and I still feel like a kid, I still want to call my dad and talk to him whenever I do something or have a bad day, or if something exciting happens. It'll be a month the day before my birthday and it feels like this month passed by too quickly and too slowly all at once. I keep expecting him to be there whenever I walk in the door. It's a strange feeling.",3.628083538083537,4.883885837837838,4.5667321867321835,86.28539312039314,72.37837837837839,7.003439803439803,28.31941031941032,7.348242739294969,1.546154054054054,576,22,115,6,11,187,84,148,0.09,0.784,0.125,0.5103,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,9,7,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,1,26,20,11,2,3,8,3,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,2,0,3,1,4,16,5,14,13,1,25,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,4,18,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385639475479655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514022611833764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387196324463646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553849014769756,0.0,0.0,0.1177481001739178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412977466218386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919899129384215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848262394382738,0.0,0.11918336593595785,0.0,0.2872256534370757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990175339846606,0.1977122147773922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531086125112545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864248076060205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236576824843105,0.0,0.12395804889969445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229952769250002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281111624047293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972068846112087,0.0,0.3313520984306519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736631944212558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457385622067565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366299729237412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305778234818668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210150979221727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122168574061628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161796906947995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40016965221889095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spaghetti-tacos,2018/02/28,"i’m planning on killing myself i just don’t feel needed at my school, no one talks to me at home, and i’m just so tired. sure i have friends but it’s just out of pity. they hardly pay attention to me. when i’m with my dad i just never get spoken to. i’m tired of my self hate. i’m just so tired, and i want to sleep forever",-2.1056000000000026,-0.3030673599999965,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.93333333333334,4.066666666666666,14.166666666666668,5.6839178017228535,-1.1615333333333329,248,5,67,2,10,85,47,75,0.306,0.627,0.067,-0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,16,12,6,1,2,6,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,11,2,11,12,0,6,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,39,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403364992640404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589623488574921,0.0,0.10749615972663358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431206108569545,0.20313605141185906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638455715866985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763247663240105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256141071468254,0.15868749261998666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942188378811382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20823052054969496,0.0,0.0,0.21464267499693535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058991202686908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939174392817344,0.0,0.0,0.16537448207874314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7094399002825349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135699322758113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dan6779,2018/02/28,"I feel strong enough to finally disappear from this world My life has always been pretty bad, I dont remember ever having happy times. I lost most of the friends I had during my youth times, always had issues with family, anxiety, social and OCD issues that would never let go of me, when I try to open to someone and give them true friendship I end up being used. I never really felt loved by anyone either. I finally got the guts to admit how useless my life is and its not going to get any better so these are my last words. Good bye cruel world. I hope to go to a better place where I wont feel pain.",3.515772357723576,4.645407406504064,5.0895934959349605,82.91455284552845,72.4959349593496,7.743089430894308,20.98373983739837,8.167268648758528,0.9878715447154472,473,9,93,7,9,160,89,123,0.133,0.624,0.243,0.9434,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,4,5,14,1,0,3,0,12,5,1,2,4,22,26,6,0,2,2,0,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,6,3,16,9,13,16,3,21,0,2,0,1,7,6,0,2,12,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488080061579675,0.0,0.0,0.09598054155219066,0.0,0.10797227801463698,0.0,0.0,0.09868888547934723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784662051966167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965502561508465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541589341280868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500880080405696,0.14583611133246405,0.0,0.0,0.12766987770148552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305492629135526,0.0,0.14272999556274465,0.0,0.13551724200696494,0.3092255584720702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904498382554037,0.0,0.07374021007456946,0.1353950564768399,0.240640601458582,0.11838215439849675,0.11288314138347585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024693977371392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018459901411132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946285212696503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150485390217078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432596686687207,0.1993837541176987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407178793346304,0.0,0.12738502626868384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771287591598065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018369606542534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746203061267554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435908712431523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904183706801698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598849420617382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438752078040388,0.11958808902681065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460059834305568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582529617102964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219002808880338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026233053028576,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,booklover9899,2018/02/28,"I want to just stop existing but I don't want to hurt myself either I want to stop existing, I want to die, but I don't want to do it myself. I hate pain and every time I think about planning it, I don't do it because I'm scared. I'm just so anxious and tired and worried and busy every moment of every day and I just keep existing. I'd finally get to rest. I'm just. Tired and hollow.",-0.3315245478036175,1.477220162790701,2.6808527131782967,92.86169250645996,85.74418604651162,5.682687338501292,18.857881136950905,6.937597516519254,0.1675726098191217,298,8,70,4,9,106,39,86,0.3670000000000001,0.529,0.104,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,22,17,9,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,8,17,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203681708074016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362243913785163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096274906479505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641956925697388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296638952009063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621234483465168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881114157855499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782687556025694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819744968726168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109217102367525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087805120936307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170186545721887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842333271131996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892074454499366,0.0,0.0,0.099120730932128,0.3907498809612982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013134020085415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262995274060725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joethekinh,2018/02/28,My life is shit and I hate it First off I have multiple school projects and assignments to turn in and I can’t start them whenever I try to  start I freak out and I just start crying and then I self harm and then the next day at school everyone makes fun of me because I haven’t started them and they all hate me. My parents also just split up and I know it’s my fault and I just can’t do anything I used to be a straight A student now I’m failing all of my classes and there’s no way I can bring them back up and my parents get mad at me every day because I’m failing and they made me get a new therapist and I hate them also my parents are extremely homophobic and I’m gay so thats putting even more stress on me so There’s that,-1.279259259259259,0.7583275246913601,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,97.82716049382715,4.428395061728395,19.712962962962962,6.21433560688645,-0.05491851851851815,577,21,140,7,24,192,86,162,0.25,0.7190000000000001,0.031,-0.9889,3,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,6,3,12,12,5,1,4,0,9,3,1,3,2,24,27,20,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,15,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,11,0,1,1,0,30,1,13,25,3,25,0,2,0,1,10,9,1,0,13,93,34,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170007814353026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089228491946601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177839575431537,0.0,0.16137359135911444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453937102847484,0.1707253952400477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874240141263386,0.0,0.1115208996925148,0.12647779683882887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258725751854654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383076193580839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920409400859915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274282798228306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349136767718068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125244356091181,0.08835282598527427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278362804987236,0.14076874859782654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409178253646015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306061437734942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791531574859906,0.0,0.0,0.13808268810240007,0.0,0.13586794183939993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747467115679429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162050382110198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536827676346413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898652755009513,0.14397211319481232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431848127131962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506298869527536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uiosxoated,2018/02/28,Do you think our bodies need to be intact if there is an afterlife? The only method available to me will likely decapitate me and I'm worried that I will be how my body died for ever. Do you think that I would be sent to hell for killing myself? I think I already succeeded in killing myself a previous time and now I am stuck in some kind of hell or limbo and I can never leave. A lot of the time I am like a ghost and people wont even notice that I am there,1.837196969696972,3.130188616161618,3.7776641414141423,90.01982954545456,76.97979797979798,6.566161616161617,21.465909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.4795545454545453,359,9,81,4,8,122,63,99,0.257,0.6679999999999999,0.075,-0.9726,0,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,1,2,0,1,6,8,4,0,6,0,14,2,2,1,2,16,21,7,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,16,4,9,12,2,8,2,0,0,0,4,2,2,4,7,63,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099147075707325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42475519399246736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843307751478004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628431016655312,0.17294931049605294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230639625367313,0.1991030335665033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245080970554707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681912504783246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625494891365324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177070842878206,0.14746349120746227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176799047985914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541450402342598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255244530482935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675353925240904,0.0,0.0,0.22297789034647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941705953473504,0.0,0.135821395352825,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aelxbomb,2018/02/28,"My SO is at work, Can anyone talk to me? I don't want to talk about how I want to kill myself. That will only make it worse.

Can we talk about how nice flowers are? Or how cool the new restaurant I went to is?

Just until he comes home, Please.

Edit: y’all helped me so much, max is home now. Thank you so much ",-1.513545751633984,0.4303689852941197,0.37137254901960937,105.85728758169935,94.44117647058823,3.0222222222222217,10.496732026143787,3.1291,-2.1636228758169933,233,2,61,0,9,75,49,68,0.142,0.727,0.131,-0.2225,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,2,0,1,10,4,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,4,0,10,14,8,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,3,8,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,3,40,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664986438329172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066600715945685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405792966507383,0.0,0.42075766454239416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203797454723155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999809512708952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30835508943052137,0.0,0.0,0.2025609883823803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951104311068093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23022334096938174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057251992032362,0.0,0.19309353896606235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474113652169598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442416035260052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526877827441541,0.0,0.21373537022326392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,makeitworktoday,2018/02/28,"PLEASE HELP THIS PERSON: https://www.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/comments/80rqxh/a_friend_screwed_me_in_business_and_now_i_am_near/ I am trying to help, but I need you to help me help this person in the entreprenuer subreddit.  www.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur      https://www.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/comments/80rqxh/a_friend_screwed_me_in_business_and_now_i_am_near/",41.13192307692308,53.364360653846155,10.491846153846158,29.103153846153894,19.384615384615387,8.233846153846155,24.43076923076923,8.238735603445708,3.201747692307692,331,5,18,4,5,53,18,26,0.0,0.59,0.41,0.9039,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7597416243758096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210113569983356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948515171184616,0.0,0.31105265712037794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238807760244647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BallsDeepInWeedLube,2018/02/28,"Constantly sick, sad, and stoned. Where to begin. Chronic illness, chasing diagnosises for years and trying every fucking medication on the market. Depression and pain/fatigue since before I can remember. Nobody likes me. I have a handful of friends in other states but just why. Nobody gives a fuck about me. Being affected by my suicide doesn't mean you actually give a fuck about me. So tired of drugs. So tired of pain. Recently, severe infection in my genitals with tons of swelling, doctors treated me like a mental patient seeking drugs. Bedridden for weeks with no end in sight. Pain like I can't even describe. I've tried meeting people, everyone I've ever met goes away or keeps a distance. I've been in love and clutched onto it lime it's the only thing keeping me alive. I know I can live my whole life and I'll get through it. But it's just so much easier to die. The only people who stay are broken and it makes me miserable. Anyone with a solid head on their shoulders sees the red flags and runs. I'm over not being able to do any of the hobbies I love, music and outdoors activities and just anything other than lying in bed, but I'm not going to suffer through this agony just to be sad and alone. Acid helps me process things and somehow seems to help my suicidal state. Same with cannabis. And kratom. That's all I take these days. But I still resent myself for it. I don't really care that much about looks, but it makes me sad that attractive girls won't go near me, even as a friend. I'm relatively attractive, and I'm not here whining about my looks but it just makes me hate myself all the more when people think I'm so fucking weird. It's not fair that I was dealt this shit hand, can't do any of the things I wanted to do, am forced to deal with agony or awful drugs, and get judged for needing those awful drugs. My family tries to help but in the form of trying to light a fire under my ass by putting me down, and they don't seem to understand this just drives me to suicidal thoughts. And then they hold my mental health against me. I just want to die. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to leave everyone with a mess. I just want anything to get better. I need reasons to stay. ",2.740935374149661,4.808285562358278,3.6136048752834498,88.79156377551024,76.59637188208616,6.496167800453515,23.72341269841269,7.461004344511776,0.9996498412698416,1747,56,354,23,40,557,225,441,0.267,0.59,0.14300000000000002,-0.9977,0,1,4,0,0,3,51.0,0,1,3,1,24,31,8,1,17,2,21,28,6,5,3,71,66,32,6,7,21,0,3,3,2,1,16,0,1,1,24,22,0,3,9,0,0,5,13,19,0,0,4,10,44,12,59,58,9,35,0,7,5,7,18,15,6,5,14,225,68,2,0.07320144057879456,0.0,0.07143404657015258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581461604023372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995589795558734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118414927096236,0.0,0.12047709685878215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877516306784984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228903439169808,0.0,0.0,0.06474072553997265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463374729035444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791047519774844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720887336923761,0.07546747097226765,0.06304829350739412,0.0,0.15194307660755765,0.0,0.0,0.07492477624302046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395617246085135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483474901414167,0.0,0.0,0.0966977222461308,0.06621489386508336,0.06167537083987845,0.13989422690371542,0.0,0.0,0.06900780341631098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131105028143044,0.27069420905118696,0.1147341942731356,0.1404429839814377,0.08320413121757814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227126763050733,0.07512579664996147,0.07780970828157623,0.0,0.0,0.14719614779946746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301296075789221,0.08098654830471436,0.0,0.040229597359049296,0.0,0.0,0.07750975611931639,0.0,0.0,0.051704342304589215,0.1072875789576416,0.0,0.06463821314363677,0.0,0.12294154766455065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213431619483118,0.0,0.14658759001454108,0.0,0.0,0.07973782852795902,0.0,0.07374275020100053,0.14753966988171005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762296298223477,0.10855588131418102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134598828683548,0.2336744815834276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522459859292157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358766615524269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689471726478787,0.07526327259771305,0.07227759148396734,0.0,0.08292296240775528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058332070718838475,0.13327968449819566,0.0,0.08269679189236824,0.07514022682116568,0.06055298808959361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604599179081766,0.058458765004380936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402114847558837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503837328357004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458953533482808,0.04690452737826864,0.0,0.05811376713930432,0.0,0.168268575156805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879589233697767,0.0,0.0,0.07620528122998206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588053118650294,0.0,0.0587177801894799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605291436662805,0.0817267942320729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713932772924048
suicidewatch,Lafojwolf,2018/02/28,"I've decided my profession isn't for me. Too bad I wasted so much time and money pursuing it. I'm teaching college students and I just did an absolutely horrible job this morning. I taught so bad that I honestly feel like I shouldn't be teaching anymore. I spent so much time trying to become a teacher, and today I realized I'm just terrible at it.

I thought I would like it. I thought I would be good at it. But after six months of teaching, I realized I shouldn't be doing it.

The massive depression and anguish from today from my horrible lesson plan seriously is making me want to jump from a nearby tall building. Or go to Home Depot and buy some rope.

I have no will to go on right now. No motivation to finish the week out. All I really feel like this evening is just ending it all.",2.7034770889487882,4.632688157232707,4.795260557053009,80.91127358490567,76.23270440251572,8.064869721473496,28.33827493261456,8.841846274778883,2.4622161725067384,623,27,120,14,14,215,93,159,0.204,0.6940000000000001,0.102,-0.9597,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,11,0,1,5,0,14,0,0,2,2,29,26,10,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,9,0,3,3,5,6,0,1,5,2,19,5,15,13,5,19,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,2,13,86,28,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674900038457564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976169728700808,0.0,0.19683293855787645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350292591232087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785238776200228,0.0,0.0,0.117714393745623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802294755243189,0.2546446244289065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257610284714603,0.14948472123577305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877187102124967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685850137147072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26121178493301644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896501722672236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225563614199732,0.0,0.2620283404052635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417400709079854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220118776961508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28297778719813604,0.20784614609839852,0.0,0.3378685073276496,0.0,0.0,0.12100149518518688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512034931047856,0.0,0.14295947694610664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532085449183044,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dvmbfck3r,2018/03/01,Gonna cut my throat tonight I only ever do what I shouldn't.  I can only fuck things up.  I am a fuck up and that never change.  Hopefully I don't fuck up cutting my throat.  Wish me luck.,-1.0173170731707302,0.9553531219512196,1.4226341463414656,99.46809756097562,90.95121951219512,4.255609756097561,15.517073170731704,5.6839178017228535,-0.8744478048780486,142,3,35,1,5,48,28,41,0.099,0.546,0.355,0.8824,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,2,7,11,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,3,9,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,3,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705538541463202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313441641940407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7093214444250957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540214612535732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197253276261568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890249322012557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699116145929543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941045150240451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nuclear_elmo,2018/03/01,"I'm not even worth to be a son or boyfriend I'm a 19 year old boy whose mother has terminally bad kidneys, for this she'll hopefully get one of my fathers kidneys soon. I just feel like a burden, I never show her how much I love her and how much I care about her condition. All I do is bitch about things I dislike and all. Now she's been getting worse and worse and feel awfully lonely since my siblings moved out of the house a long time ago and my father works full time. I'm in school so can't always be with her, but even when I'm home I spend my time in my room and barely even see my mother, does she deserve any of this? I'm a piece of shit for not even talking to her unless she talks to me, I never take her places. I wish she had a better son.
Other than my mother there is another person who is too good for me. My girlfriend, I love her with all my heart and try to make the times we spend together good ones(She lives 4.5k miles away, so we only really message and facetime), but I can't even do that. I get her depressed and can't even seem to make her smile anymore. I'm so scared of losing her and I am far from the right person for her, I just can't lose her I won't be able to take it.

Do I even deserve to be alive? I need to know",2.1129120879120857,2.9018700622710654,3.5217783882783884,94.12530494505495,75.48351648351648,6.485641025641026,21.70860805860805,6.508806274219699,0.1338001465201466,969,22,235,7,20,319,141,273,0.119,0.745,0.13699999999999998,0.797,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,4,21,17,2,1,9,1,20,6,4,4,5,39,44,20,0,3,8,7,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,8,15,0,0,4,1,3,1,9,9,0,1,2,3,47,8,28,36,7,24,0,4,1,2,37,10,2,3,14,155,55,2,0.1045593335287995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268554042409886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870017415695318,0.0,0.0,0.0711039322919082,0.1096395779011816,0.0,0.0,0.1036947629295278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823693573309324,0.0,0.08730267605026837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247423358211103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660520904689566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005680075606272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091500577383967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834231757124821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573668137722776,0.07469720876491706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388380872436126,0.0,0.0,0.17539881635995655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390331366519007,0.0,0.0,0.10488153677634228,0.10385101058476127,0.0,0.1206474324873918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057463075244624025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108240886623176,0.0,0.09232780712172213,0.09253171988264486,0.0,0.2339502979540249,0.0,0.0,0.1887377615573521,0.0,0.13958833409400934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113002425346788,0.15372628178955486,0.07752942094510035,0.16128520779171596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971743176540087,0.0,0.07085211041593525,0.07952208477267067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825943539916905,0.10924224921787457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698338645330047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929309953110247,0.0,0.0,0.1046821333855414,0.10581962768754713,0.0833202514799059,0.09518689027068797,0.0,0.0,0.1073286533093156,0.08649256118136225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572312124880899,0.16808166330657687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946457515238222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438775528981183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709889240111443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023807339766085,0.0,0.0,0.0761204401046181,0.0,0.21310978723923146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733278268013845
suicidewatch,dundermufflinz,2018/03/01,"Screaming that I want to die every morning? Anxiety? Hi guys.
I have done this thing for the past two years where I wake up wanting to (involuntarily) scream that I want to kill myself. It usually happens as soon as I wake up, and occasionally right before I fall asleep. The duration of the screaming is 30 seconds - 2 minutes, depending on my stresses for the day. 

Apparently [morning anxiety](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-panic/morning-anxiety-anxiety-panic/2010/01/morning-anxiety-101-symptoms-and-causes/) is a thing, but I don't think the symptoms match what I have. Mainly because I have just started a retail job and whenever I think about going in to work my shift, the same violent, suicidal screaming-feelings are occurring. It's like a loud screaming flash through my body.

Does anyone else have experience with this? I am generally suicidal all of the time (every minute of everyday), but I don't know why I'm so heavily suicidal in the morning. I just want it all to end.",7.025755968169763,9.157618781609198,7.194367816091955,67.32202917771886,65.20689655172414,10.41131741821397,38.097259062776295,10.560738912317856,4.7031375773651645,804,43,123,22,13,259,107,174,0.242,0.718,0.04,-0.99,2,0,0,0,0,2,49.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,1,11,0,11,5,4,1,2,19,22,7,5,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,10,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,7,0,2,1,5,17,1,20,21,4,18,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,10,84,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104850145811827,0.0,0.0,0.09583519235477757,0.14043365932683202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355020181696712,0.0,0.11662754343967048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224221167165305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079786592335886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839204176750709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224612678991005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994169603588573,0.1402594591707268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449562893757892,0.0,0.1213940395912566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309570877773762,0.0,0.0,0.13407049508056165,0.0,0.0,0.06930140366421866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778940749580112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571045794249514,0.1212012672038316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601040961071045,0.0,0.1516360346998077,0.0,0.07532431927020385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696035076701032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216195948758368,0.0,0.0,0.13083880567351805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704806798233618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701142274286376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700119935550802,0.0,0.0,0.4497625568716228,0.0,0.0,0.1424573043465143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211248926280266,0.17564439255636727,0.0,0.0,0.07992049929077061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388722039416173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095168061127112,0.0,0.3233649874282039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367488458991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978095166365296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826182724051987
suicidewatch,anhuys,2018/03/01,"I can’t bear it anymore I just can’t see myself ever waking up tomorrow, I don’t want to continue any further than this. My entire body feels like it’s on fire and it will explode ",0.7149999999999999,2.7240568461538466,3.3407051282051263,88.47721153846153,83.1025641025641,5.951282051282053,22.570512820512814,7.1686216300943375,0.8949435897435905,143,5,30,2,4,50,32,39,0.068,0.8240000000000001,0.108,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,5,7,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,4,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903471753223484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234292048533477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742558746631528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862094104170008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588360711051008,0.30502003012041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859089849042786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402315298825109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518318396460161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MainlySeeds,2018/03/01,"my life sucks I'm so stupid, creepy and ugly why should i continue living this life.",5.632941176470588,5.632298176470589,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,67.23529411764707,9.15294117647059,22.882352941176467,8.841846274778883,1.1756352941176464,67,1,14,1,1,21,15,17,0.442,0.5579999999999999,0.0,-0.8588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7456194292262007,0.0,0.0,0.4660682782351354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762688597665512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Viskaden,2018/03/01,"I don't know what to do. I feel so trapped. I've hit a crossroads in my life where I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

I'm 22 and live in CA. The area here where rent is can be pricey and I still live with mom, dad, and 19 year old brother. We have lots of pets. Mom and dad are separated but amicable. I feel like a loser living with them still but I don't know where I could go. We have a lot of feral cats that we take care of and I am currently looking for another job (left my old one due to a reason I'll explain soon)

I have some friends but not any I talk to regularly. My best friend is probably my grandmother. While I'm putting out my resume, I hang out with her all the time. We go to lunch, I help her with shopping, stuff like that

My brother is not a pleasant person to live with. Mom has a new boyfriend with 3 cats that lives in an apartment. She stays with him a lot but pays rent still. She has been absent even more because of my brother. He leaves messes everywhere, he is very combative, and generally hypocritical. Now mom has been talking about leaving because of him, but there's no way my dad and I would be able to afford the rent without her... they make decent wages because of their experience. I've never had a job where I've made over $15 per hour...

My ideal career is to be a writer. I love it so much and I enjoy it, but it's been harder and harder to do lately. I find my concentration slipping and I am constantly terrified of the future. We take care of about 9 feral cats along with 4 cats of our own. I am so afraid we will have to move out and I don't want to leave any of them behind. There was one cat in the mix, a beautiful white and orange tom that I wanted badly to adopt and bring in the house. We built up this incredible bond and he loved me more than anyone else in my family. I mean like... other cats loved me too, but they would have times where they wouldn't want to be around me. But this cat was special and he'd always come to me when I called for him. He'd run up to me, practically into my arms. He wouldn't do that for anyone else.

I lost him in October. He was still outside at that time and I found him in our shed, barely able to walk. He had some kind of tail-pull injury and he was no longer able to urinate on his own. We brought him to the vet and she said she was uncertain if he'd be able to defecate either and there was a chance he'd lose mobility in his back legs. We couldn't afford the treatment that was recommended for him and we had to have him put down. I was there the whole time. The others left the room when he got the shot but I stayed because I thought I owed that much to him, at least...

Ever since I lost him, it was a struggle to be happy. I quit my last job because I was missing so much work after I lost him, feeling just miserable and I didn't think it was fair on my job. They were trying to be very understanding of the whole thing but I was in a deep slump and I didn't want to drag them down. My heart still feels broken

I don't want to abandon the other cats. I'm afraid of them getting hit by a car, or thinking I've abandoned them. I'd rather not have to leave where we live now, but I don't know what to do. My brother is pushing my mom out faster and faster. My dad is a great guy but he never says anything to my brother or tries to rein him in. There's never any threats of my brother being kicked out. I don't want him kicked out just out of spite, but nobody is taking charge and he's gradually ruining the peacefulness we have by doing this stuff. 

My mom spends less time at home and I don't know what I can do. I don't think I can talk to my brother about it without being mocked. We're cool with each other some of the time but I just don't think I could tell him how I've been feeling. How I thought it might just be easier to end it. My dad and I are close but I don't think he would understand either. He would probably think I was just trying to get attention or he'd say something about how thinking those things and feeling this way was selfish. I don't want to be selfish but I just don't know what to do. Things are falling apart and I don't know what I can do. Some of the cats are friendly and I want to socialize them so maybe they can be adopted, but I don't know if I can do it. It constantly feels like there is a giant clock ticking over me, like I can feel time just spilling away, that I can feel I'm running out of time.

I don't know what to do anymore",1.3925387801204818,2.912715044791668,2.970218373493978,94.36836596385542,78.76041666666666,6.043172690763052,20.94126506024097,6.7854296824804985,0.1499732680722894,3473,90,825,34,83,1143,339,960,0.096,0.7759999999999999,0.129,0.9909,12,1,1,0,0,0,92.0,14,0,12,9,49,44,3,5,34,1,113,9,4,6,6,178,186,62,0,21,38,18,9,5,3,8,1,3,6,2,40,64,1,3,34,1,8,16,31,21,0,2,34,15,140,23,112,122,23,109,0,10,2,3,103,48,0,14,46,563,180,9,0.1866034563247048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038817256038342365,0.0,0.0,0.09517256190448052,0.04891749855288388,0.0,0.0,0.04626512170740624,0.06523873770435079,0.09559864639045222,0.03838968622758148,0.04152915958978458,0.0,0.0,0.04383002245680432,0.03587163489243658,0.03895152289988768,0.14218966873109642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895720372360054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763574810617128,0.0,0.09512733009573546,0.0,0.0,0.04018558865612914,0.0,0.10082602209732494,0.0,0.07449383790692049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779416216633807,0.0,0.04131881886586915,0.0,0.0,0.03081245575083915,0.04219837737379649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045633496670376215,0.04397828283515269,0.0,0.2122927072296484,0.06665477324175134,0.0,0.0,0.0426380446185331,0.0,0.0,0.05115026456698013,0.10812702559993473,0.0,0.048746302078011686,0.0,0.07953828338075121,0.0,0.037310957643253935,0.051432742341514535,0.0,0.04619168987876718,0.0,0.049660712283704805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528149855134688,0.031269090835601684,0.0,0.04679462035237979,0.0,0.04594170401899846,0.0538288336847705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517513701660784,0.0,0.0,0.04857969611216647,0.20510475898815805,0.03802668063404503,0.052624206652179706,0.19758611683578367,0.10137260064556806,0.0,0.03295088493049054,0.113956278819493,0.0,0.2471614060027739,0.0,0.03917497650783831,0.0521903840779445,0.1527747868234114,0.11898268917338822,0.1263126786137985,0.044142175564313435,0.03113981402408146,0.0,0.046867063271851785,0.05081646715383819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049489194615207815,0.0,0.32782156912599625,0.0,0.04958248567411147,0.1028812584506456,0.0,0.10794006694184584,0.04505569522953395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790446866637002,0.0,0.06322366567051385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073373510797247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059504348862057,0.0,0.0,0.09379400691340134,0.0,0.04961893631869492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479648579658901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437565468158039,0.07419727909186097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038590076844676635,0.0,0.0,0.0475546810489157,0.0,0.03591411432469743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944722803111873,0.1862772015830255,0.0,0.0,0.048769612126170495,0.10680815650300468,0.0,0.0,0.04396788730620985,0.0,0.1052269320521266,0.11248859233537573,0.04077491142701595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297828355986576,0.20924393016720272,0.0,0.07407115025673869,0.21761995201636025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501862340392622,0.0,0.0,0.0971303894791805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698369708138501,0.2201271065383072,0.07405856897730315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416804749646286,0.0,0.0899395364685739,0.0,0.033962384660205916,0.0,0.0,0.13255774145835453,0.0,0.0,0.030041626959618394
suicidewatch,finnishgirlproblems,2018/03/01,"I think my long distance girlfriend is going to kill herself. To make an incredibly long story short: 

I'm currently living in the US and I've been dating a girl that lives in Finland. We've been long distance for about a year and our next planned reunion is mid May. 

She has an extensive history of sexual abuse, depression, and anorexia. She's currently in a very dark place telling me that she does not want to continue living if all she has is food on her mind 24/7. She cancelled her first doctor's appointment for next week because she believes she is not thin/sick enough to be taken seriously. She has multiple episodes of binging and purging every day. 

She's been incredibly distant this past week and I feel awful because I can't stop her. I can't communicate with her without my words coming out wrong. 

She's 21 years old and I'm 23. Yesterday I was started on blood pressure medication and diabetes medications. I myself suffer from horrible self esteem issues and I've accepted the fact that if she kills herself or dies as a result of her disease, I'm going to kill myself too. 

It's so scary watching the person you love the most hanging on to their last thread and I can't be there for her. I don't know what to do.

Edit: typos",3.950185185185184,5.864158946502059,5.0760720164609054,80.31015740740743,72.7037037037037,7.987572016460906,29.43395061728395,8.697196308434329,2.4485787654320985,996,42,183,19,20,328,147,243,0.18,0.7879999999999999,0.033,-0.989,2,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,2,1,1,2,4,10,3,1,10,1,19,7,1,2,2,32,33,14,4,3,6,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,6,12,1,1,4,0,0,4,7,8,0,1,5,2,36,2,25,25,3,35,0,2,1,1,29,10,0,5,21,117,42,2,0.0,0.14302782968070804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147173789797708,0.0,0.0,0.13600474693193718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398549751457573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785134860224531,0.0,0.10397186643770327,0.0,0.12528336921063515,0.0,0.0,0.12355717173376833,0.10563872723513436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247311206690504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170780306222912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061037256605959364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268032849972956,0.1459693573577558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721051493653227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599535637387774,0.0,0.0,0.40066061023210026,0.0,0.06634194346540265,0.09839903897876463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197813274495921,0.3204875880595275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895022458962396,0.0,0.08057836558060713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432158254607845,0.0,0.0,0.12188798869021356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567640720112509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667034655494486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523636367606625,0.0,0.10540389857356046,0.12612174149735725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259323309491265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544287403405998,0.0,0.0,0.1009233528136011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551044771629403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734945681479884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520558037631048,0.0,0.0,0.09960272213529282,0.07120098104603316,0.0,0.1936609814399829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636519158577195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198317377154778,0.0,0.1554733241448611
suicidewatch,MrTiez,2018/03/01,"Work I don't want to work the rest of my life, I've actually been thinking to end it all and just kill myself because I hate working, especially 5 days a week. It's so unfair how people just have rich families and don't have to do shit in life besides being a dick to everyone. And it's not because I'm doing a job that makes me depressed, it's literally all jobs within my reach. Seriously 0 jobs seem fun to me and I'm 99% sure I'm gonna get sick and tired of it and just end it. I dont wanna live in this shitty working society. (sry for broken english)",5.624903581267219,3.9189592727272737,7.488223140495869,77.29475895316806,67.84297520661157,10.380716253443527,32.5633608815427,9.2995712137729,2.602734435261708,436,15,97,7,6,156,77,121,0.289,0.635,0.076,-0.983,3,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,3,0,4,0,9,6,2,2,3,19,19,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,8,3,12,16,3,7,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,4,56,16,7,0.0,0.0,0.15642388637336055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542755049326868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337641220523422,0.0,0.13806104474215342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786345232997706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28394593054094114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316784995503271,0.0,0.0,0.15111098025039651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374703394174386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582572050540502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772013821708588,0.0,0.17734163522916682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644087949629724,0.0,0.0,0.1415425975935399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699753420642297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112772292412973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592569807275982,0.0,0.0,0.1645395559496925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107526083464162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270996553175947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184234449428021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454559359835556,0.0,0.12857823149406875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667839585171403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwwarya,2018/03/01,someone talk please... please.,7.6525,10.611519250000008,0.7199999999999989,97.025,106.5,1.6,29.0,3.1291,0.5838000000000001,23,1,3,0,1,5,3,4,0.0,0.5660000000000001,0.434,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8828532046862997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340730097458838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232231731494835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,winooskiwinter,2018/03/01,"All the right things I've struggled with mental health issues for my whole life. I saw my first therapist when I was 6 for suicidal ideation, and have been in therapy consistently since I was 14, done talk and DBT and CBT and group and individual and family therapy. I have taken my meds diligently, talked to my prescriber and changed them when they haven't been working. I talk openly with friends and family about this, I reach out when I need help. 

It's for this reason that I struggle with the idea that ""it gets better."" I've done all the right things, I've been honest and vulnerable and put in the work. And it still isn't better. It gets better for a few weeks, a month, and then it's bad again.

What do others do to keep up hope, even when you've done all the right things and it hasn't gotten better? ",6.177407407407408,5.784499209876543,6.143580246913582,83.07611111111113,66.16049382716051,9.669135802469137,27.259259259259267,9.150863307647796,1.7847851851851853,640,15,136,10,9,202,88,162,0.133,0.787,0.08,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,7,8,10,0,2,7,0,15,2,0,1,3,26,23,18,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,15,18,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,11,1,14,7,14,12,5,19,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,10,92,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595830594096036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406570391616341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157633810211613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35282721745172435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590745715721049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166837753635475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775589135253562,0.0,0.0,0.08879144665427627,0.0,0.12008805356120768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216083193283545,0.0,0.0,0.0770323920995397,0.0,0.0,0.114147326254151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973732509448013,0.0,0.11995275578653065,0.0,0.1021513990478394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117554492829626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765673996936988,0.0,0.11581825207866267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173273770712427,0.0,0.0,0.08521608077846053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553224804530908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816294132928153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443821028882944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950678721770165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917799529701133,0.0,0.0,0.24029095720098456,0.0,0.12571025503831013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771191972629415,0.0,0.0,0.2628555100210045,0.13343779986091378,0.22905493586564474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218660544566844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831063623146427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733481286905044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RobyAllen34,2018/03/01,"Please,i need help I'm in desperate need of help,i don't know what to do anymore. I've had suicidal thaughts for 5 years and i'm 18. My life is just going from bad to worse. I'm not able to talk to my parents,i have only a few friends but i don't know how to say it,even though i trust them,i'm to afraid to ask for help,i'm scared. I can't sleep at night. In my head,all day long is just a thaught...that it would be better if i end it all...please,if anyone can help me,i would apreciate it. ",0.4793859649122823,1.3081285175438635,2.392105263157898,100.47307017543864,79.6140350877193,6.119298245614036,19.684210526315788,6.42735559955562,-0.34958947368421045,377,8,105,3,9,126,71,114,0.117,0.736,0.147,0.6369,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,2,0,12,2,1,1,0,13,21,5,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,7,3,14,17,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,48,11,0,0.18051542160240766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902279228883625,0.12622057997701347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875755140754628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507228369038128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965122097719206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641751326532344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598830837239624,0.0,0.0,0.11922873348690224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946576694215593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259107407617156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526090126446335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839827279932607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841310965313452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127503380753027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597504676290882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26769979563116697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940149472383845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729011246506428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355310861673,0.18072742819392226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806457876810289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745457239453112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509145808137508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735548519750932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396063647676805,0.2564659525317683,0.0,0.0,0.11624601308137315
suicidewatch,Psychiatricsyrup,2018/03/01,"Is guilt a good enough reason not to go I hate my mother, she treats me like I am so stupid, yet  am a grown woman with 5 children and a grandson. I am married and my husband is beyond help I'm sure he just doesn't know what to do for me anymore. 
I get sick of constantly having her belittle me in front of my children and other people, some of whom actually comment I cannot believe she did that to you
I suffer from severe depression as it is so struggle daily with my own demons as well as her narcissistic ways
So I have been carrying around with me all day a photograph of my grandson to guilt trip me into not killing myself. Is that a good enough reason not to though, wouldn't he and my children be better off without me and my miserable person around the place???  Please help I'm swirling into a big black hole ",4.408633641807292,5.03035478443114,5.3812084921066985,83.52246053347852,70.01796407185628,7.988894937397933,28.35547087642896,8.00094639256281,1.7338790419161685,647,22,131,8,11,213,102,167,0.163,0.6779999999999999,0.159,-0.4234,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,1,10,16,3,4,7,0,16,1,0,2,2,24,22,12,1,1,5,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,12,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,9,1,0,2,1,26,7,25,18,5,17,1,3,1,0,20,9,0,1,4,100,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.16251077207420905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515455100502988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29649677565072274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762403162315736,0.0,0.1472836245082811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996144605884878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739907408792876,0.0,0.14343338152887278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441432193615044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700586246983551,0.0,0.09464371859889964,0.27935752919777884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164415430251195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223245177650212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424248834481569,0.0,0.0915213856831308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135890436715118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545200972787413,0.1454089275947605,0.17399002717831671,0.18280163537034247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34244434204561913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881332521921591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409493579907218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695401673469286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361640409906872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218499439896156,0.0,0.0,0.14973186468749386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053047322568678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mistekillingfeelings,2018/03/01,Think about suicide everyday Think randomly about suicide everyday. I just cant handle it annymore..  maybe i just going to end it.,3.9055072463768106,7.182783608695651,5.356521739130431,70.31420289855075,82.47826086956522,10.023188405797102,33.7536231884058,9.725611199111238,5.022953623188408,105,6,15,4,3,35,16,23,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029932958674012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441961548967274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436788939795772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7483895141427118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43839939407630063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Felix_Jaeger,2018/03/01,"Anyone else planned out their suicide way in advance? I'm planning on doing it on December 6th; this would be the one year anniversary of the death of a friend. I have my reasons most of which include pretty permanent estrangement from most of my family; history of acting like an asshole/burning bridges and not being forgiven despite actually having changed; not having my life in order at an age where I should; and other reasons. So do no try to dissuade me. My method will be just buying some heroin (I've never done it before, so have no tolerance), snorting it and saying bye.

I'm just curious if anyone else has planned it out far in advance?",6.193196721311478,7.2243154918032815,6.800122950819674,73.4710040983607,66.21311475409836,9.378688524590164,35.74180327868852,9.516144504307137,3.640373770491804,518,25,85,10,8,170,86,122,0.141,0.7759999999999999,0.083,-0.836,0,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,0,5,0,14,1,0,2,1,18,16,6,2,3,5,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,2,8,2,15,9,3,18,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,4,5,67,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1945146247987582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27874846992763924,0.408468608470866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696127929961146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086178124578275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398096292217235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330246498760412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790797433725065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399972472591447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079071852617087,0.09738121698042204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373344918822104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350692908003417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027874540288612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098831840946777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585130150232118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180316393143472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533010611223922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821667857069102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415963463917378,0.0,0.0,0.12836020198735504
suicidewatch,puddinsfriend,2018/03/01,"Please help. My first girlfriend left me 7 months ago and I'm still very sad about it. Therapy isn't helping. I just started back on anti depressants and I feel absolutely terrible. I'm very depressed most of the time, and I think about suicide a lot. I need help.",1.2148626373626392,3.8487709807692334,2.5109890109890105,90.29115384615385,89.19230769230771,6.048351648351648,24.736263736263727,7.447530270364453,1.4591725274725271,209,9,42,4,7,67,41,52,0.34700000000000003,0.529,0.123,-0.9321,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,6,0,4,7,2,9,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,7,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944631535622375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868622621515286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37789561121653936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092284952829057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660069703360366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411283410460292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383521338767049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865052139550074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510343939497133,0.0,0.0,0.1626641612257178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24080843313225844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552751153435585,0.0,0.175193565942461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399612022341025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25087501484773983,0.0,0.0,0.14056696903584706,0.0,0.0,0.12791962425478454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620155417975496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IndigoEvanSamus,2018/03/01,"I’m gonna kill myself I’m a loser. My husband could have so much better. I’m a burden. I’m stupid as fuck. My coworkers and bosses hate me and treat me subhuman. I guess I am. I’m completely worthless.

I’m just done. Bye folks.",-2.3508,-1.021184479999997,1.2280000000000015,95.16400000000004,113.8,4.4,15.0,6.2581,-0.19700000000000006,176,5,40,3,10,63,34,50,0.409,0.494,0.097,-0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,9,4,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,14,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,11,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,19,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305634157408896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623301792648319,0.0,0.0,0.2759145584760125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536445399219406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194797239634938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38069125882700655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34118505473783817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38232897833811774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540383455280785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elvendream,2018/03/01,"It is hope that keeps us alive. Nothing less, nothing more. We may think that we don't make the step because we don't want to hurt our loved ones and it's true up to a certain point. Some of us are also afraid of dying, afraid of the pain and the process. 
In the end, it's the survival instinct that stops us. Hope, the strongest force in this world, the limitless fuel. The love for oneself and all that yet may change. ",1.853953488372096,3.8039987558139567,2.186220930232558,98.53537790697676,78.88372093023256,4.765116279069769,22.377906976744185,5.148860815047168,-0.15818139534883754,327,10,74,1,8,99,57,86,0.06,0.675,0.265,0.9681,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,7,0,0,1,2,10,0,2,9,0,6,3,0,1,3,19,14,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,8,6,9,12,4,9,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,5,3,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669541222915604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419944001521696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808249172237783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740192642876632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139629434174814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395509544609849,0.0,0.0,0.18298778555050568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193349763178296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085482111284936,0.0,0.11409940020409062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280304964026693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582892444590268,0.0,0.18188523454834135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158735375561525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290801184218982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095272479788893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6168356546268035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082097313289777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asmit084,2018/03/01,Scratching your itch Sometimes i get so wound up i Swear ill be on the edge on Slicing my wrist but i refuse to have my son find me like that so right before i do it i aim higher and then the World stops spinning. All my rage is gone [till it comes back again] its like a Drug. I can say im done but at some point i go through withdrawl and my depression comes again. I hate that it feels good,-1.493697478991599,0.4242858235294129,-0.1727310924369725,107.1148529411765,102.52941176470587,2.8991596638655466,14.30672268907563,4.65589566412798,-1.5263277310924377,305,7,77,1,14,94,63,85,0.233,0.662,0.105,-0.9097,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,3,0,6,5,2,0,1,12,13,8,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,3,14,3,7,10,2,17,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,8,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739762248124697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737890114445734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198684445105004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099067027492603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493995128430992,0.0,0.0,0.282625738252798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322688548343093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274613946985602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732819596268435,0.0,0.13850576968391987,0.20441203162417973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406127533023557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26324816542616336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812837950227614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23038432546822524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081266483317022,0.0,0.19380763851557795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410350046575665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037521201198824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadlycarrotstick,2018/03/01,"Someone please end me Been going to therapy. Works for 1 day, then back to being hard on myself. I'm so bored, go no friends, shit at everything I do, so incompetent, never gonna meet a girl because I'm so shy I can't look one in the eye for more than a nanosecond. Even online I get nervous about my posts and really think hard about what I'm posting. I just want someone to end me. While it's on the way to work or home. Painless and quick. I see nothing in this life can make me happy. Everything will come and then we die and that's it. All that effort, gym, work, money. all gone. But I'm too much of a coward to end my life myself. I don't know who can help anymore. I'm 22 and lost out on so much. I speak to people at work and their high school experience  was so much more entertaining than mine.  I was a coward, shy, and boring kid. I could tell nobody really liked me. As if anyone will reply to this. You guys don't come onto the internet to help people who are depressed. Be real, who wants to help out the depressed, nobody wants to be near that sad shit.",1.2294047619047603,3.0548403928571446,3.1092857142857144,91.76904761904764,80.33928571428572,5.8738095238095225,19.14880952380953,6.868970318607317,0.09998452380952427,824,19,184,9,21,276,130,224,0.204,0.687,0.109,-0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,1,1,6,12,13,2,1,8,0,16,5,3,1,3,27,37,19,1,5,4,0,2,1,1,3,2,1,1,3,11,12,0,0,2,2,1,5,5,9,0,1,5,6,21,4,29,25,7,30,0,4,3,0,16,12,2,2,11,118,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035851210476223,0.07780861433995176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556640742308583,0.0,0.06783442774482466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171339482003288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888469413781423,0.0,0.0,0.07176551869534598,0.0,0.1916882638153762,0.0,0.11548966250075285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29567954456932993,0.0,0.0,0.0734984940158946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002013755838385,0.1088518652675274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597360331892026,0.0,0.058138497959224815,0.0,0.12648443413852126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101833514859058,0.0,0.11845818438244855,0.19936761302992456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376318566562275,0.11757199564425512,0.1116215517437872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115583184534103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719879249261942,0.0543651239266122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344603363384144,0.0,0.1214737836966497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427935810155901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454078188291288,0.0,0.08582494936845424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067748588815653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540528821401442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429319913424228,0.0,0.0,0.12215053334602854,0.0,0.0,0.2131483589158964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665945739893375,0.1425758959446842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261992730543367,0.08867467094520605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845185524892295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857206571019985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726243853301264,0.0,0.12725682596843885,0.0,0.0,0.0713028610137295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969050798012263,0.08832780698850648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240487088596531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LosingMyMindd_,2018/03/01,"Talking to people makes it worse When I try to talk to people or become involved in anything socially, I just embarrass myself and my suicidal thoughts just get worse. Even little things make me seriously consider it. The other day I almost tripped over a chair and someone saw and laughed. I literally thought about killing myself for 5 solid minutes so I wouldn’t have to deal with things like this anymore. Its pretty fucking stupid that I would ever end my life over a chair, but of course, life, uh, finds a way. 

Anyway, it really discourages me from going out in public because I know it will end like this. Being socially awkward and having ADD doesn’t help. I always say stupid things and I’m ALWAYS aware of the stupidity of what I say. And I seriously just do not ever improve. ",4.24798336798337,6.5499513243243275,5.035135135135132,79.24042619542621,72.91891891891892,7.526819126819128,28.276507276507274,8.384062270229773,2.2713455301455308,628,25,108,11,13,203,98,148,0.218,0.696,0.087,-0.9644,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,5,2,5,0,8,3,0,2,2,27,18,10,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,10,1,0,3,3,16,3,16,11,0,15,0,1,1,1,10,6,1,2,8,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867095234665786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304582843053369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733815395573942,0.0,0.0,0.11395989987403622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441809248274736,0.1529438489632403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893102277959183,0.14277013075484715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453100779701023,0.0,0.0,0.09146686824744114,0.2505320221611825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657116462863147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280255159041294,0.0723517727014997,0.0,0.07870321172974208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092822390880005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321117750317512,0.0,0.07610676230659619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562960349187303,0.13531182356949747,0.13879657867391135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487726454668646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920136719214404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088723191443284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871590407562024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025484777626145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823324295358574,0.1173363925370541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514781783708994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226151514327063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27600631643947604,0.0,0.0,0.2198804339470742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402102381603099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992154319047644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822524874204823,0.09837451428079924,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,razz_throwaway,2018/03/01,"Janurary 8th was supposed to be the day I was going to do it that day, yet here I am.

I had it all planned out, spent a few weeks nailing every detail, yet when I woke up, I couldn't do it (no surprise there).

For a while things were looking up, I was coping, happy even, but here I am, sqaure one.

I started planning again.

Hopefully I'll see it through this time.",3.336710526315791,3.6831739868421054,4.62221052631579,88.99647368421054,72.28947368421052,7.132631578947367,28.35789473684211,6.742157984588678,1.2145978947368423,277,10,62,2,5,92,55,76,0.0,0.8909999999999999,0.109,0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,1,5,18,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,2,8,3,7,9,2,14,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,10,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43047983945957663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043747805124414,0.0,0.2811971759006361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967674132346604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552810675841765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314871775199155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802643545823001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261563558299559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659540320099338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362286290316501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221727413389871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461120603318333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677126013121611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlayfulBird,2018/03/01,"Serious Unidentified Medical Issues Getting Progressively Worse. My Life Is Crashing Around me. Why Not Be Proactive about this? Over the last 2 years I have been experiencing all kinds of symptoms and had my PCP, Cardiologist, Neurologist take a look at me and they all shrugged and said anxiety. I constantly feel like my brain is pressing against my skull and out on my eyes and it feels like my ears are full of fluid. I can't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. This short post took many hours.     
I lost my job at a warehouse about a year ago now for passing out on the floor, probably for the best since I was driving heavy equipment. I have had many physical jobs since then and they all end the same way. I pass out, they find me across a bunch of pallets or in a ditch and they think I fell asleep on the job. I would rather pretend I did than tell them about my medical issues. Two weeks ago out of the blue and old acquaintance from 4 years back called me up and offered me freelance work, a golden opportunity. I am now a week into that and all I can manage to do is stare at the computer screen (lack of focus). I don't want to do wrong by my friend so I feel like I am going to have to tell him my situation and turn down the work. The other option is just wait. It won't be long until he realizes I can't do it anymore and has to cut me.     
I have been unemployed essentially now for 5 months, I have no wife or kids and only 2 close friends who I see once a month. Nobody is depending on me. I have kept the extent of my condition to myself this long but it is starting to show up in every interaction. A friend asks me a question and I start to respond only to be totally at a loss for words 1/2 way through the sentence due to inability to concentrate. If I come clean I will be a burden to my family and since I am unemployed I can't even go to the doctors anymore to try to fight this. To top it all off I am running out of money and in 2 months I will be on the street without employment. So my question is, Why shouldn't I just kill myself and what would be the easiest and most considerate way to do it for my friends and family?",4.546273432449901,4.899791717194572,5.623442146089207,82.86136877828055,69.61085972850678,9.21021331609567,29.360374919198453,9.23628265651192,2.2255705235940537,1697,60,365,32,28,564,224,442,0.068,0.8290000000000001,0.103,0.9587,8,0,0,0,1,1,33.0,0,0,5,8,14,18,3,0,27,0,46,10,5,1,6,64,67,27,1,7,9,1,4,3,4,6,5,2,1,1,14,28,0,2,9,2,1,9,9,8,0,1,10,13,58,10,67,45,15,71,0,2,6,0,25,32,0,8,29,263,72,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289040454512362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597219518699468,0.0,0.17105078290490353,0.0,0.0,0.07096691462556133,0.07677052387477211,0.08062133016784412,0.0,0.0,0.06631206193766358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905019560817039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627065574897377,0.08805912215418422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742868077230728,0.0,0.09319315166836407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826873053241444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638168943346164,0.0,0.0,0.056959697552897814,0.0,0.07265963226228643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259591312308005,0.0,0.13081428815961155,0.1848263453102279,0.0,0.0,0.07882040124803963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665105187880171,0.0,0.04505604236218859,0.0,0.09802262223388633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492752369845223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002111903410997,0.2567351305282234,0.0,0.09541009219530522,0.08980409806139288,0.0,0.07029586493757001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609127832886207,0.12639528432851854,0.0,0.0,0.15263666825893868,0.07241859693275429,0.0,0.09413947962622182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486455029226675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737523759857106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065041772381689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904927697001516,0.09184115837245056,0.0,0.13117648832313472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259261785092095,0.0,0.09297965892050626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321365092835532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203253547247093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872089700979969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401206609986007,0.09693565600178174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208006897856585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963479273579833,0.0648405985832015,0.0,0.15075245163253656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525813082809609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581411573775828,0.0585502617809892,0.09380269375159526,0.08424245639810522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086568526461503,0.2053562554827876,0.1383506011468284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563361524624275,0.0,0.0,0.08313080977257509,0.0,0.12556526971192947,0.0,0.08788437072936263,0.12252267269475055,0.09428823140720713,0.0,0.1666042459699347
suicidewatch,throwaway62642624,2018/03/01,"I might be going insane I've been afraid of becoming overly paranoid for a couple of years now, and I think it's starting now. Out of nowhere I decide that a person dislikes me, or that people are plotting against me. I know I can sense why it's off now, but I'm afraid of loosing myself and forgetting that it's just paranoia. I'm afraid of being a freak, whom people pity love. 
I might need to end it to save myself and others",3.8740823970037472,4.534768561797755,4.911853932584272,86.26680711610489,71.24719101123596,6.832209737827719,26.069288389513112,6.42735559955562,0.9620996254681652,338,10,69,2,6,111,56,89,0.159,0.73,0.112,-0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,15,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,2,12,10,0,10,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,3,6,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895875672871799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901275955882647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23223800496698746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901855665984798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410237678645052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23665249304868416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563214119052519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442352817884376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635633110748579,0.22894946264167054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855918079064766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680119693202264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366014720195033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688530239383812
suicidewatch,depressedjoecz,2018/03/01,"I am loser, would be better off dead. So, I am 22 yo male. I never had gf, lost virginity to hooker at age of 19. Then 2 years nothing and few months ago when I bedded sisters friend, I got ED and it was very weird. Because my lack of success with women, I started to hate myself. This continues for about 2 years now. Sometimes I feel good and think I have so much time and really believe I can snap out of it and be happy, but usually then few moments later, I realise I am loser who is years behind everyone else in life and can never be truly happy. If I would kill myself, my family would be destroyed, but I don't think my friends would cry for long. Going to gym doesn't help. I smoke weed every day, it makes things less worse but it is probably worsening my depression and anxieties. I am convinced that IF I would find a girl who would seem interested, she would cheat on me with more confident guy with higher social status and I will never be that guy, I will always lose. 



It is kind of funny because normally I am (mostly) fun to be around and some people say I project confident vibe...depends on people and my current mood, nobody would guess in their darkest dreams that I feel this way... but I do and it is eating me alive. 

I don't know why I have low self esteem. But I have been like this since I was child. I am bolder now, but I am not really content with myself and probably never will be. I am miserable failure who probably deserves to die. My best years are behind me and I lost them. 

I am really lost, I will probably not kill myself in near time, I do not want to hurt my family, but I am lost cause and don't know what to do. 

And one last thing... when I am out clubbing with my (almost only one) friend who is experienced with women, I just sit in the corner from fear of him seeing me how I fail with women. Which is again funny because I think he knows about my dating history so I could get only better... it is weird. I never told him about my issues. I fear that he will see me as weak and will stop respecting me.

I don't even know or understand why he is (best) friend with me. When I had best friend, it was always head of the group or leader. Same with this one and I fucking do not know why?! Does he thinks I am so smart I can recommend him some clever investments? I don't think so. 

",2.5890947368421067,4.0147251621052655,4.215105263157895,87.10623684210528,75.27368421052631,7.273684210526316,21.97368421052632,7.94452939551167,0.9345157894736849,1792,45,379,27,38,601,217,475,0.196,0.614,0.19,-0.6488,1,0,1,0,0,2,65.0,0,0,2,14,18,46,6,3,3,0,65,6,1,3,5,87,95,40,4,14,16,1,2,1,6,14,2,1,1,9,24,29,1,1,15,3,1,1,15,23,0,3,12,6,74,22,43,61,13,50,0,12,2,2,35,14,1,10,34,278,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057765127067062175,0.0,0.06525365796138903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084455381891047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985129379712041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058010953399267234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917252833566913,0.0,0.0,0.07341900384033465,0.20516095860029093,0.11526686533535993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694273742594259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202920793530736,0.0,0.0715810474845233,0.04202624239920026,0.0,0.056126797288161175,0.0,0.067631317087843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570266133758242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668039405994594,0.05443726560854719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430410813109398,0.0,0.054904595259125485,0.06226825880932066,0.0,0.0,0.12286413408459107,0.14665821102486534,0.06589909070451873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059559924733223614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25173283484175146,0.06024429113499035,0.03404619171404725,0.0,0.037034954846469306,0.05465758125854777,0.05211866183916835,0.0,0.0717869501851104,0.12904783026958752,0.0,0.13873939634324112,0.0,0.06433726533106263,0.06687842168463287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043678942439946265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976082614716016,0.0,0.0,0.06801566682159559,0.0,0.0,0.144191549902409,0.0678596560862423,0.17906578674416435,0.053118435816674484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460281948647355,0.031836485233270304,0.0,0.0,0.057669260299905635,0.0,0.07290332789157224,0.2845425921300831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349835917838299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052014339175533816,0.0,0.0479040104879821,0.0,0.2512975724016927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384818071824863,0.06252788502158586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324731282490921,0.09912232934095608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903548598999293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810369599413269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252397238712433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182208046426662,0.0,0.0,0.10385665103690599,0.059324062701102326,0.06798164400984648,0.0,0.0,0.05390542865840572,0.0,0.0,0.0664278404257488,0.0,0.0,0.06445017080720114,0.0,0.04612435108588697,0.0,0.0,0.0544811280117257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658589013941892,0.20877653887240785,0.0,0.0,0.0759968478767218,0.0,0.0,0.06226825880932066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783939951334136,0.0,0.0,0.07177039689412365,0.05376821621247136,0.03843619593270799,0.05172520027127565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640470480838066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640903145615164,0.3703326066990419,0.0,0.0,0.16785732615896962
suicidewatch,godsfavoritechild,2018/03/01,"Seriously considering for the first time I've been depressed for longer than I can remember. I was first officially diagnosed in 6th grade, but the symptoms have been there much longer. Every time something good comes into my life it leaves, and I can't take it anymore. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me last week, and I just have no more will to fight. I don't want to die, really, but I need it all to stop. Just me?",4.216274509803919,5.284212529411768,4.789117647058824,85.95936274509806,70.76470588235293,8.490196078431373,25.93137254901961,8.841846274778883,1.6155490196078437,335,10,72,6,6,107,62,85,0.195,0.7170000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.782,0,0,1,0,1,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,2,0,9,3,0,0,1,14,13,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,3,0,10,1,11,9,3,12,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,8,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237020534518231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430617211814874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942807012358408,0.2289459626791484,0.23410314402708926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005009698393907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38373469492358586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919506773648487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386737632705244,0.0,0.2388430984212721,0.0,0.0,0.15932478614501233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658178481453693,0.16725522271685575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445041260853633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555236690623923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736526529239031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858428176286288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344506918378077,0.1695984643130415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630600998200435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330453804500222,0.0,0.1809364040739064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525788308527174
suicidewatch,helpmehelphimmm,2018/03/01,"Friend is suicidal how do I help him??? I’m sorry if this is inappropriate to post here but it’s the first place I thought of. Last year we spoke and he put off his suicide. He said he was going to dedicate time to weight loss and self improvement and see how he felt after that.

I know that he goes to therapy and sees a psychiatrist and I think he said he’s lost 120 pounds and it definitely looks like it. He dresses better, he goes out on dates, he goes out with friends, and he just generally looks much, much happier. 

We were talking today and he told me he doesn’t know how much more time he’s going to give himself because he still feels worthless and unlovable. He thinks everyone is lying or faking liking him. 

Tl;dr- what can I do to help a suicidal friend? ",2.9966483516483526,4.8009831103896135,4.201428571428572,86.03972527472527,75.03896103896105,7.595604395604397,24.83316683316684,8.384062270229773,1.4967808191808198,605,20,126,11,13,198,95,154,0.202,0.604,0.194,-0.5733,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,2,0,0,4,6,11,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,3,0,29,29,15,3,1,4,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,7,14,1,0,7,0,0,3,1,5,0,1,9,10,12,6,13,20,4,18,0,3,4,0,34,5,0,2,11,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054863820877575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686320450304626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262612328722703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681173198525862,0.0,0.12687090217655808,0.0,0.0,0.1123944778870098,0.0,0.0,0.30626292132768146,0.0,0.0,0.12675651238961802,0.15019141847544756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713542111118216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523654543670636,0.1077081537641449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910956409369978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192125755174935,0.0,0.1442416215500398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914046195956949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380535833193524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265493836823934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283277885868522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25138243770607194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058993864048856,0.0,0.1378462534443341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791499140075248,0.0,0.0,0.10552366462875724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336047153143949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620559387911743,0.0,0.0,0.1511085797478546,0.0,0.0,0.1693343202260212,0.0,0.10490091047017634,0.15409866745599396,0.0,0.12524910307908207,0.1262612328722703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609055690293801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509099721406484
suicidewatch,jamensramen,2018/03/01,"Nothing ever gets better. I can't do this anymore. I can't put up this charade that my life matters. There's just no point. I'm 20 but I feel like my life is already over. I've had what little success I was owed and now I'm just wasting space. 

I certainly can't do anything right to save my life anymore. I used to be good at stuff, used to have interests in things, but now I am simply useless. A piece of trash who can't be successful in any light. I have plenty of passions but completely lack the intelligence necessary to follow them. And this past week has shown me that, despite my best efforts, it's all downhill from here. Might as well end it while I'm less behind. For those who care (read: no one because everyone in life has rightly decided that I'm not worth their time), I will be ending it all within a week. If only I was never born so I wouldn't have to suffer through the utter, shortly-lived futility that is existence.

Sorry if this is all over the place. I just let my thoughts explode and this is the garbage that came out. You know, I used to be a halfway decent writer until about a year ago - that skill's gone now, too. ",2.454871794871792,4.184669914529916,3.6977863247863247,89.39026923076928,76.35042735042734,6.389401709401709,25.375213675213672,7.1686216300943375,1.054658803418803,896,32,188,10,20,292,144,234,0.114,0.718,0.168,0.9467,1,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,2,6,13,14,0,0,8,0,27,5,0,3,6,32,43,12,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,20,5,0,0,4,1,2,4,9,2,1,1,6,2,22,12,24,29,7,35,0,2,0,1,5,15,0,3,17,134,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850496919905827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475263187282753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091136834968107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651620658592457,0.0,0.0,0.11001255516165843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149401733561999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029567846099228,0.11823479856956486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290168103692275,0.1363022425801901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401676963211206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681302382878955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092704511952793,0.0,0.12774312923627434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759588449549056,0.09550562453904132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984565091901213,0.0,0.0,0.11212984913924896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347057513813429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670344972083148,0.3777067647337656,0.06531244530276853,0.13398894071064374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182019410723887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310722953205914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827575156136745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058939640541366,0.10167456718178663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761884071911567,0.0,0.0,0.13967388353743787,0.0,0.12637690381305308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439180380667046,0.0,0.0,0.13372262457777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283349907915181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965103248756978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303899775768115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881533517733446,0.0,0.0,0.10613210609744962,0.07795364239743602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463865016342583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447040808551535,0.0,0.1202001710636594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608968886717555
suicidewatch,bedoedoeks,2018/03/01,"Little big problem Hello. My name is Adam. When I was child(about 2-3 y.o.) I have left my family and was adopted. When I was gone to elementary school I've was hated and beaten by children only because I am adopted(i dont understand it at all). It was happening for some time so my ""parents"" decided to change school for me. Children there was friendly to me, but some were bullying me for some reason(idk if I waering some sort of aura or sth). I was in really bad psychical condition as last days... No love, no hope, no one to take care of me no matter what. My real mother is def and only conversation that we can have is on  piece of paper. My father is alcoholic that never was worried about me even If I told him about my problems(for example : people that adopted me often havent food for me, so I asked him for help) he hasnt helped me. When i was 16(i think so) I've met girl that I really liked from the beggining and felt in love. I thought that she can save me from all that bullshit but only thing that she gave me after years is pain( she told me that she never loved me and never will be). My brother dont take me serious and dont see the problem too so i stoped visiting him for weekend(he was laughing at me and started insulting me). I dont understand whats going on... I dont want to die. I dont want to live like that. Im thinking about this for most of my lifetime and it really hurts me. I dont want to be  blamed for all of this no more(people used to say that most of these things is my fault).
I've done my best to be treated like human should be. I dont want to be prisoner no more. Please help me guys
P.S
Sorry for chaos and my english. ",0.6316856187290973,2.874162875362324,2.7382608695652166,91.18658862876256,85.46376811594203,5.973244147157192,21.02006688963211,7.321109707123232,0.7164247491638802,1292,42,279,21,39,435,168,345,0.185,0.6609999999999999,0.154,-0.8148,1,0,1,0,0,1,52.0,1,0,0,2,14,23,3,0,2,0,40,6,0,1,6,49,69,22,1,10,5,4,1,3,1,2,2,1,0,5,20,10,2,0,7,0,0,3,19,10,0,1,19,3,53,13,39,43,12,24,0,1,1,3,36,9,0,12,15,201,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958211017609322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961618508255875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217647046042021,0.04539412623408081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814806468462884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592362492318876,0.0,0.07877575078642149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802477330781885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728453666642066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620514919961442,0.6981940671773144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918446320389132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020044917442142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149957934617115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004526476233761,0.0,0.057532682615659074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232106439763078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373360596569489,0.0658505366059331,0.0,0.0,0.07352031507884874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974010446222566,0.0,0.0,0.07396210040789862,0.0,0.0,0.07971799690441234,0.0,0.08043666763473648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070018857099301,0.0,0.0,0.0809081396603535,0.0,0.0,0.10914180514087243,0.07463506018534727,0.06575534029304803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162694410672305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229961459927445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050460470968819615,0.16990553251673635,0.07923767436751146,0.0,0.08268630678616365,0.0,0.0,0.10325147851039876,0.0,0.0,0.08174192537052781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250888961680705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475925262516919,0.14311556315024593,0.0765640301694858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921880055313514,0.0,0.15072827667410804,0.059340210280750365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335922171837781,0.05270781726876735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197917728309686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989445524561204,0.09543033475226152,0.0,0.05911813381140923,0.04342205230627294,0.0,0.0,0.14231198617210306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550446386341108,0.0,0.06431520208496108,0.0,0.0,0.17568923521160068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562441042393901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795402572675953
suicidewatch,maestro_7,2018/03/01,"My life literally has no point anymore 1. I just can’t do anything right 
2. I can’t get decent job
3. I tried investing in some things and now I’m 5000$ in debt
4. My parents hate me. No, no, I’m not sensitive teen, my father literally said to me that he would jerk off rather than make me if he new what would I be like
5. I have nose deviation and I’m in desperate need for rinoplastic surgery, and I can’t afford it.
6. My girlfriend is disgusted by my depression and she doesn’t want to even listen me
7. I feel like shit. 
8. I’m not even 6ft tall.

If I don’t find job or way to make money I’m 100% ready to commit suicide. So I would appreciate help from you in finding a way to get out this problems.",-1.6140802675585313,0.3410646153846173,1.6539353400222971,95.28526755852845,98.35897435897436,5.277146042363434,18.32107023411371,6.8959733430537185,0.20809063545150466,544,18,133,10,23,193,100,156,0.214,0.685,0.101,-0.9632,5,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,1,0,0,6,8,4,0,1,0,13,3,2,2,1,25,28,8,1,9,7,2,1,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,10,6,0,0,1,4,20,2,15,23,1,13,0,1,0,0,10,9,1,4,4,73,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684366508054917,0.0,0.0,0.13976468525343586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628381871047452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435677928554712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587672113475726,0.12133445618108946,0.0,0.0,0.3104632244506191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746984246793168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167682841579169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384085331906325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370820041151263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199637328065322,0.16595148340041654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674039480944524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593496174687968,0.0,0.16403351215999928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858834958366125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055465813679254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251491533741486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504330016436648,0.1615576999696924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433936283909487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577850582682096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283482461158965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531090160116292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017663200829932,0.26962378702631906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619505556063077,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_alprazolam,2018/03/01,"Alone, hopeless, confused and miserable Alright. No bullshit talk. I will get right into it. Here are reasons why I want to die, they're all connected and somehow make me one of the most miserable sacks of shit walking on this planet:

1.Dissociation

For the past three years, I spent most of my time feeling pretty off. I feel like things are not quite real, like life's a dream, and also I feel quite empty. Looking at the mirror, I find it hard to even realize that the person I'm looking at is me. Human beings seem pretty alien. Everything feels off. My dissociation is on a such a sever level that I feel like I'm on a verge of having a full on multiple personality disorder.

2.Anxiety, social phobia, paranoia

I had a difficult time in middle school. Ever since then, I started getting more and more socially anxious. Every human interaction gets me more anxious. Every comment someone makes about me gets stuck in my head, and makes me even more insecure and anxious. Going out without a hoodie on my head feels almost as walking on a stage naked in front of 200 000 people. A million thoughts go through my head every time when i step inside a bus. Some of them are quite irrational. I been fighting this for a long time. Yeah, drugs help. But that's it.

3.Ugly and depressed

You know, some people are just ugly. I'm one of them. My head is disproportional to my body, i'm extremely skinny, people assume I'm a heroin addict all the time. I have pectus excavatum, i have a face of a serial killer. People get weirded-out looking at me. People say that I look like a fucking pedophile, like a drug dealer and shit like that. That not only makes my social anxiety much worse, but it exterminates my chances of getting a fucking girl that I'll love. Along with being a depressed grumpy possibly bipolar sack of crap that I am, being THIS ugly makes me basically hopeless in terms of finding love. Which brings me to another topic:

4.Loneliness

I'm lonely. Even tho I'm don't quite feel like things are even real at this point, I still want love. I don't know. I want hugs. I want to have a relationship. It's not even about sex. It's about having that special someone. But fuck. That's not gonna happen. I've tried. And at this point i'm having too much wars inside of my head to even consider dating. Yeah, and considering how disgusted I am with the way I look, finding a normal looking girl will be quite hard. Please don't be pathetic. It's not gonna happen. I'm severely disgusting, broke, mentally unstable, empty inside, grumpy, depressed, anxious, deluded and unhealthy.

5.I don't have good friends

I have my friends mostly just for the connection to drugs. And for staying at least a feet away from being completely isolated from human beings. But that's it. I have to put a fucking mask whenever I'm with them. Because they don't accept the ''weird'' me that I truly am. 

6.Meaninglessness of life

Sitting in my room jerking off my dick and being trapped in my crazy brain is no good. I got very nihilistic. I don't have any special talents. I'm mediocre. I don't make anyone happy. I'm having a negative impact on my parents. I was born just to be this? Better off dead.

7.Drugs

I can't do acid. Because it would probably fuck up my dissociation. Smoking weed is not pleasurable anymore, every second time i get panic attacks that worsen my condition. If I can't even do drugs and enjoy them, what can I even do at this point?

8.No light at the end of the tunnel

I'm too mediocre at everything to have a meaningful career. I'm also too depressed at this point. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to finish school. Probably not. I won't have any money. The situation in my country is pretty shit to begin with, unemployment rates are off the chart. So, pretty soon, I'm gonna end up on the street, probably becoming a teethless crackhead. 

9.It's painful

Either I feel nothing, or some sort of pain. I haven't felt much more than that for quite a long time. Waking up feels forced. Living feels forced. Looking at others being happy, being in relationships, having normal lives hurts me so bad. So bad. Oh my god. 

Life can be a gift. Life can be wonderful, and fascinating. Nature is beautiful, the universe is huge. Some of us just biological failures. Some of us think too much. Some of don't get to enjoy the beauty of this. Life is not for everyone. I guess I'm just a glitch in the matrix. I want to die. Honestly. That's all I think about.      
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suicidewatch,Pterovbabe,2018/03/01,"The most pain I've felt. I was supposed to go in for a job interview today at a local restaurant, the first place to actually give me a response about my application and I was super excited. Then they called and said they can't hire anyone until May.

On top of that I've been sick since last night, and i think it's food poisoning and getting out of bed was hard as hell, let alone shower.

And the man I'm in love with broke up with me and I'm so lost and scared and I don't know if I can keep trying to be happy anymore.

I want to end it all so I can stop the constant stress and hurt and fear, but I don't think I could even try. I'll probably just live a sad and miserable life alone.",2.931799999999998,3.2765772466666685,4.419999999999998,90.09000000000003,73.2,7.866666666666667,23.666666666666664,7.908726449838941,0.8478666666666674,537,13,129,7,10,180,101,150,0.24,0.684,0.075,-0.9704,2,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,4,5,15,2,4,8,0,13,6,0,0,1,28,27,18,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,2,1,3,14,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,11,0,1,7,3,14,4,18,16,2,19,1,5,0,1,8,9,1,3,9,77,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.15347449471933985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32577210581760196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597126850472365,0.10996803099045599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059199206865246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995483837976824,0.0,0.12556865696375846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929604751466285,0.0,0.0,0.10387647609786176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769743892122834,0.0,0.0,0.15100549769489216,0.0,0.0,0.1337752296256739,0.1901735666817356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216797329644569,0.15086934758945614,0.08938113273926616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741865154323388,0.14088455394141888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836261007226874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606789710115918,0.13979031519366433,0.0,0.0,0.08643241456829864,0.12819742814091745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608209710754623,0.11108565440429967,0.0,0.0,0.13887379447331585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168064131971286,0.0,0.14194385161403214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758883872196749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734817971614566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431545531764918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956549512001293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960140373532593,0.0,0.1574564102626848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009677733529992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148618527518588,0.18015420360769555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015467129489777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907518447354628,0.0,0.0,0.21355432453861595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276292478000232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halster123,2018/03/01,Why shouldn't I die I am so tired. I don't feel like I can do anything right. This feels like the only way out. ,-1.6985897435897428,0.007868884615385595,0.4976923076923079,106.93064102564104,90.92307692307692,3.466666666666667,12.512820512820511,3.1291,-1.9455487179487176,85,1,24,0,3,28,20,26,0.279,0.602,0.118,-0.5052,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225354565708203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307484295134137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222770411017101,0.4553423675825479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31139028324568657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423770242168309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721583043165364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662856394129696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252960159474204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875668727963557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Schmukledorflestein,2018/03/01,"Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. I'm stuck. I find problems and undefeatable obstacles no matter which way I turn.

To keep it short, I hear a voice, telling me to kill other people, telling me to harm people, I find it usually targets children. 

When I grow tired and weaker I begin to see visions and flashes. Pursuers in the corners of my eye, abominations waiting to ambush right around the corner. Monsters coming to slay me. 

When I finally rest asleep, I seize up. I see the shadows become creatures, clear as day. Torment me one last time before I fall asleep. 

My dreams are lucid. Total freedom, I can do whatever I want. Until the voice starts again. It taunts me even in my dream. It takes control of my dream and begins to spawn in more monstrosities. I can't even find peace in sleep, it's this fact that makes me doubt if I would find peace in death.

The voice has never told me to kill myself, the voice tells me I'm worthless, the only thing I'm good for is carrying out its decree. It says in time I will lust for blood to way it does. 

I shy away from people and stay in my house when it's telling me to fetch the first thing I can find and cram it into the throat of the first person I find.

I want to kill myself. I promised that no matter what, as long as I can keep control, I will not listen. Problem is, I'm losing control, I feel like it's taking over. I want to kill myself before I can harm anyone else. 

It tells me that if I kill myself it will go free and that it will find my loved ones and torment them instead. That it will make them the tools of his wrath instead. It promises rewards, pleasure and anything I want if I listen to it. 

There was one time when I was younger when I listened to the voice. It helped me trick a kid into grabbing a fistful of poison ivy. The feeling was priceless, it was incredible, I can't lie. It's the best I ever felt. The voice finally subdued for a moment, it was replaced with the crying. I preferred the crying.

I tried getting help, I tried referring myself a psychiatrist and they said they don't accept self-referrals and that I'd have to go through my GP instead. So I tried my GP and they just gave me a brochure for the place I'd already tried and told me to refer myself to them. 

It's like holding on to a pulled rope and I think I've just about run out of skin. ",2.760547295841413,4.35563236134454,3.7216806722689104,90.11864361129068,75.17647058823529,5.974488256841197,24.390002154708036,6.42735559955562,0.6502982762335705,1828,58,382,13,39,587,221,476,0.16699999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.119,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,4,56.0,0,0,6,8,18,26,7,1,27,0,24,11,7,5,5,67,63,28,6,11,6,0,5,2,0,6,2,12,0,3,34,22,0,7,15,3,1,7,7,15,0,5,11,21,71,12,53,46,4,56,1,2,4,2,27,22,0,4,26,256,105,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774460267897894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907190067161217,0.07190830854625793,0.05775264622413445,0.062475604712061435,0.0,0.0,0.06593697499733793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750894842040743,0.11943702697561985,0.0,0.07365019995241842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045436451883776,0.0,0.0,0.2361404995348561,0.0,0.0,0.15418016651920313,0.045260674990024855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061415507702732415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862687800280233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270723629913437,0.06348236204000154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097083051546263,0.05013702789025483,0.06738437268549644,0.15375881302905964,0.4490065181469691,0.11939114888913333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03666646194966252,0.0,0.07977049380975308,0.05886414963263716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909862608603142,0.0,0.09408114096443854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097897883366399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247594669151111,0.3882221264543196,0.0,0.0,0.0572065481524646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857338313906422,0.0,0.0,0.062107614155836176,0.0,0.07851412929209338,0.0,0.0,0.06334072297752033,0.0,0.09369217826667377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412759790521597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266855327299344,0.053375501549010614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596315471845814,0.06127898465052248,0.07332377991616683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430669406378035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993384084387422,0.0667578127780682,0.055810422424173736,0.0,0.0,0.11184968866555818,0.0,0.07321366173045686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702312741031848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967418318759463,0.0748031716696562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055341399776158,0.0,0.3067046472462435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324973180083344,0.04496888863719188,0.0,0.0,0.1227686001287658,0.0806622648208488,0.0,0.13412112353004682,0.0,0.1905920567525974,0.07633632962190877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729400541866753,0.0,0.1655773224204614,0.1114121722343991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985427792591862,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Southside42,2018/03/01,"Trying to cope with suicide attempt by my ex Hi all, 

I have had a rough few days and I am trying to cope with a suicide attempt that happened in November by someone I loved dearly. I am beginning to feel like I handled it very wrong and don't know what to do. 


We had been rocky in our relationship for a while. She had threatened suicide multiple times if I would not do things she wanted me to do. In September, she sent me a picture of herself cutting her wrist when I was not with her, and I called the cops to report it. They arrived and she was bluffing, and became furious that I embarrassed her in front of her roommate. 


In November, after we were close to a breakup, she again threatened to kill herself. She said she wrote a suicide note to me and her mother and would take a punch of pills and mix it with alcohol. She told me not to call the police. I begged her to stop, and she said she would if I came over to stay with her. I felt she was trying to hurt me and did not go to her. I kept telling her to stop but never reported it. At 5am after I had slept, she told me she would tell the police I left her to die. She was admitted to the hospital and held for 36 hours before she was released. We are not together, but she wants to be with me again, but she still blames me for leaving her unattended. Up until now, I felt she was using it as a tactic to hurt me, but now I am feeling like maybe I should have done more. I just did not know if she was serious. She always told me she would cut herself for a release but was not suicidal. 


Should I feel guilt over not calling the cops the second time? I just feel like I did let her down now and I'm very upset over it. ",3.68513563730955,4.087909427350429,4.750343119038772,88.18624303233,71.53561253561253,7.9277096494487775,27.226681531029357,7.893859768569023,1.3996088442958006,1303,42,291,16,23,428,155,351,0.151,0.792,0.057,-0.9835,0,0,1,0,0,4,32.0,4,0,1,2,9,16,4,3,15,0,37,5,2,1,2,67,66,24,7,12,18,2,7,3,0,7,2,2,0,0,10,23,1,4,9,0,0,4,10,11,0,1,31,9,74,5,49,26,3,37,0,2,0,1,59,13,0,3,22,228,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691427894733083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754568677493238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716593168251913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27779740598642505,0.10371904568122296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848407721833002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411631745164163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280185044619477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341147289695112,0.19435533018083384,0.17414291131609738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153815890662388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019210924839179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930608286469137,0.0,0.19415952082752228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003290950761238,0.0,0.0996757901849061,0.0,0.0,0.09602191788397754,0.09852910407631554,0.092731167180247,0.0,0.1329117728197063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184640937190131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911048888053842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994156883937429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736134322565436,0.0,0.0,0.17252367881388578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683678354665423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665773807103728,0.07242085401750474,0.1516328044422131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959712733562489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818354778161413,0.0,0.15852470849560454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024683145391059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575786141795196,0.0,0.0,0.25995911948515543,0.0,0.1847067111809957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832239458873141,0.0,0.1496486161666397,0.10697627589708723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220987579754508,0.09914939516093174,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StickguyMB,2018/03/01,"Haven't heard any bit of new advice in years. It's always the same thing that doesn't work. It's seeming like your life has to be super easy or you have to be really stupid to have advice help. I've exhausted everything years ago. Here I am, failed every college class I've ever taken, lost every breif job I've ever had, had every girl I've met leave me (every friend too), and I can't handle life. I'm in my early 20s, but I'm not YOU when YOU were in your early 20s. I can't make things happen even now. It's already over. I feel like I've heard everything and tried everything. 
I guess this is where it ends, finally. It's better than cracking under pressure and ending up in jail at least, but that's apparently my fault, because everyone else is used to having a life that allows them to do what they want.
Knowing reddit, I feel like this place won't help, but I'm just so done, I dont care. Or maybe I'll literally be the only person not to get their post approved as one last FU before I go",3.606377792823288,4.083467393364932,4.9959140148950585,86.08821090047395,71.74881516587678,7.7347325660121875,22.65436696005416,7.7094869923839395,0.8192082599864587,784,16,170,9,14,263,130,211,0.123,0.743,0.134,0.0814,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,3,6,10,13,1,1,3,0,21,4,0,3,2,23,41,11,0,1,8,0,2,3,1,1,4,2,0,2,13,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,9,4,19,7,17,28,3,26,0,2,0,0,16,10,0,4,17,96,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766890310620766,0.10326296361509964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285516125278951,0.0,0.09693052047856376,0.0,0.0,0.07921842759456739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710123280386735,0.0,0.09912595293576708,0.0,0.0,0.10302754209588563,0.12717888880952607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877116724592594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921156991311906,0.13652753738827153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973139619569232,0.0,0.2063543396407072,0.0,0.0,0.07694174390383042,0.2107470284943723,0.3925975072096864,0.11131291958100603,0.3140859905843361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178035217993844,0.16644354913499715,0.0,0.12761108719567468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000128584435123,0.0,0.0608621643317571,0.0,0.06620498194971454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283288655523602,0.0,0.10301332561992173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616401358161489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156001495377444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402085396542084,0.09495637564616244,0.0,0.12334801000174382,0.0,0.0,0.2468448380318413,0.17073604698173026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716457502102946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777591898298639,0.0,0.11703168384068932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250851901557454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893786740041958,0.08859727319820501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017161579157393,0.12170915068952845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156695565545877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746276384265963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604977153589376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478396875449926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909029438352264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061152416018773,0.0,0.0,0.0687098895756644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480742736053344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003381662744725
suicidewatch,strayyangel,2018/03/01,"Who am I? I dont feel myself anymore,Im changing a lot.Everyday for me is like im fighting a battle in my own thoughts.Everyday Im wondering who really am ? Now a lot of people  controlling me its like a puppet .",-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000005,3.59277777777778,82.6625,92.33333333333334,7.444444444444445,25.277777777777786,8.344100000000001,2.4367777777777784,165,8,33,5,6,62,32,45,0.135,0.741,0.124,-0.1179,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410037583357698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482007445185423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593556581487325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189321404673107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7171085239852041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162267563098645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762735615726591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341783279343385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176700649899973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399845863503129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OzNeck,2018/03/01,"I'm done I'm here to have random people tell me I am worth something. To have at least one last hurrah before I go. I know what I want to do, I want to fucking die. The pain is just too much to bear. I hate everything about myself. I'm lazy, I have a big ego, I have no real friends, I'm a fucking weaboo who finds imaginary friends in anime like Anohana and Sakurasou, I cry myself to sleep, I'm all around socially awkward, and I just want to die.

And there's nothing you can do about it because I'm doing it in 3 days.

* UPDATE

I have been thinking a lot these past few days about suicide, and I think it'll help me feel better if I tell people my story.

I remember when I was 13 my dad just fucking had it with my antics. I was a naughty kid, I still am, I don't know why. So anyway what he did was he didn't talk to me for a year.

It hurt. And that's when thoughts of suicide seemed to be the solution. For a year, I lived without a father. He wouldn't talk to me, or look at me. If I fucked up in some small way he would look at me as if I were a fucking disease. Living without the comfort of someone who loves you is hard. Especially when that someone is around you 24/7. So you end up feeling like a little worthless piece of shit that no one loves. Every time I mess up I hear shit like ""Are you fucking retarded?"" or ""I fucking hate you."" or I wish you were never born.""

The last one really stings. I'm 15 now, and my dad and I are meh now but my mom started getting really abusive when my dad lost his job. Since then all my dad does is take care of my baby brother and stay at home.

So when mom is home, you know that all the stress of work will come to you. Also, I'm pretty sure my mom hates my dad. And it's really hard knowing that you don't have a family anymore. But most of all, it's hard knowing that no one will ever love you ever again the way your parents did.",0.6639279232564164,2.3425166995073923,2.672901218563652,94.9289499611097,81.51231527093597,5.357428052890848,21.029038112522684,6.202715092499727,0.047015763546797366,1444,42,339,11,38,485,188,406,0.158,0.7290000000000001,0.113,-0.9479,2,0,1,0,0,3,52.0,0,12,0,3,27,31,12,2,16,0,38,14,3,0,8,58,84,28,4,9,13,11,5,3,2,5,1,1,2,1,18,13,0,0,13,0,1,2,10,19,0,4,13,8,57,12,38,65,11,45,0,3,2,10,43,15,9,11,28,225,75,2,0.0,0.08321603069993196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056166256590596084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965344426610816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504663972135666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281411050343071,0.0,0.059764122934239175,0.0,0.0,0.0621164337801719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160843785207513,0.0,0.0,0.06050053596449001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714896007714614,0.0905904847997478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578400192042282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061462413212345676,0.071873961444668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220664597440188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270616921798958,0.059175334485206836,0.0,0.06312196149535154,0.0,0.06621054391146405,0.0,0.07102503381195115,0.05017531956823085,0.0,0.0,0.06419277751467369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085255223710558,0.4545126402149917,0.036694465611079585,0.0,0.03991570888267504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874811726526933,0.20802516681131644,0.0,0.0,0.07915903690904755,0.0,0.047076497270314016,0.0,0.14090123878984204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751871533109325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969659653781089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299437097082456,0.1145004782185428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293863311189767,0.07039310984262552,0.12403615353140653,0.0,0.11795806180179134,0.0,0.0766689153481506,0.059710596976149125,0.19016729655594145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24677230440193995,0.0,0.0,0.05163021110401586,0.0,0.05416893734306896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739159979855996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903700200306716,0.0,0.07473413033465318,0.0,0.07798675664794559,0.0,0.06704648178486282,0.09738308845931523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145342116015899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994188475771803,0.13498146222440266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956164624810583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393856901760225,0.0,0.0,0.1441887740563621,0.058098447978257986,0.0,0.07028491257050065,0.07159491218852561,0.11901840300838465,0.0540697110082712,0.0,0.0,0.04971212137233316,0.07486030188023489,0.0560891150814062,0.0,0.08045302766716737,0.0,0.0,0.1536496093880706,0.0,0.06619489314974301,0.0,0.05280737033641073,0.1129031634436152,0.122775556000861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000646639598085,0.0,0.05575810184574048,0.04095412115963956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124277835393691,0.1114972622208089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337543249663972,0.0,0.08076585265699426,0.13540650623060094,0.0,0.0511313270077292,0.0,0.0,0.04989235365629988,0.0,0.0,0.09045703164161434
suicidewatch,unluckyandsad6,2018/03/01,"no motivation to wake up Hey reddit, this is a beautiful subreddit and it's amazing how you help out people, maybe you can help me out too. So i am 20 years old, im a college student right now, i had to skip a year because my parents couldn't afford a place where i could sleep during college. This year was pretty rough, i finally found a cheap rent that they can afford, i also worked during that gap year as a waiter to help them out. I studied a lot this semester and i wanted to make them happy and proud. in romania there is this rule where the top 4 students get money for their hard work, and i was almost there but the 4th student had the same final grade this semester AS ME, and they picked him for the loan instead of me because he had a higher grade at a certain topic ( but in total, he had the same grade as me). I can't believe how unlucky i am with everything in life, i keep trying and trying and nothing good ever happens to me, how could i be this unlucky? I fell on my knees and started crying when i heard how unfair this college system was, that money would have helped out my parents so much... it was 150$ every month (for 7 months). I have no motivation in waking up anymore or to try to do something, i just feel empty, useless and a fucking failure. I can barely smile, i barely have any light left in my eyes, i am sick and tired of being unlucky all the time, my life is a series of fucked up unfortunate events and i'm sick of it all. I worked so hard and stressed so much over those 1050$ ... my mom tries to cheer me up , but i can see the sadness in her eyes too, she wanted me to be happy, and i fucking failed. I was thinking of ending it all tonight, but i can't accept the idea of passing down this pain on somebody's else's shoulder... I hate being poor, i hate this... please, can somebody help me out? i am so lost right now and i really need some guidance",4.3876923076923084,4.465572910256412,5.4218589743589725,85.13355769230769,69.8974358974359,7.628205128205129,28.044871794871803,6.996647511020387,1.326717948717949,1465,46,309,11,24,485,193,390,0.21,0.688,0.103,-0.9953,5,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,5,9,22,19,5,1,19,0,35,16,7,8,6,58,55,33,0,7,6,3,4,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,17,20,0,1,7,0,6,2,5,11,0,0,12,9,52,8,42,35,10,48,0,4,3,3,22,27,3,4,18,218,69,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529178263635356,0.0,0.0,0.07610164453928829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471395686358954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437591141447008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602070056217413,0.0,0.0,0.107215870709815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519594802255102,0.0,0.1045318504874282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949629559091619,0.0,0.08428598142889053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608018692894231,0.08017875044285386,0.0,0.08552617475215835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811716326358323,0.0,0.0,0.20849235822658474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434108156311732,0.0,0.2639293830537543,0.04971862730408612,0.0,0.0,0.07981802883449413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415213622593645,0.20260510770540735,0.1704943264219179,0.1879070965484468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31892804317851303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742720066678126,0.10279213748652796,0.0,0.0,0.08458505550282527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339464401375446,0.0,0.13443257825605384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038814209315604,0.08090399649437235,0.0,0.0,0.06352189773509936,0.0,0.095603807973828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145350329365894,0.15191605367537714,0.0,0.13991119264245525,0.07056199904813525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131125846942534,0.0,0.09985733443406206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125991239075846,0.0,0.2113340212951852,0.0,0.0,0.06597389279553395,0.0,0.09942485564010864,0.10446016074728866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968147636735491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096371665803554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253699633795307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583241863471007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523151012009487,0.0,0.0,0.07326096089128427,0.0,0.0,0.06735670880734237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900864834672652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060976469927774814,0.0,0.0,0.05549018503454367,0.10937562199584383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25843713663485435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122589519917832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783892192394135,0.0,0.0,0.06760091189370643,0.0,0.0,0.2451268532367124
suicidewatch,Lonelydepression00,2018/03/01,"Seriously thinking about just ending it I've been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember and have tried my hardest to hide it from everyone I know. I'm 22 years old, have never had a relationship, and only had sex once with a girl who took pitty on me. No aspirations for what to do in life and am working a dead end job making shit money just to survive. What's the point of continuing? ",7.244259259259257,5.894545987654323,8.33219135802469,71.3923611111111,64.4320987654321,11.556790123456793,35.064814814814824,10.686352973137794,3.5611703703703705,319,12,63,7,4,110,64,81,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.9451,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,4,0,8,3,1,1,1,12,13,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,14,9,0,11,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,7,42,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322041256855423,0.1939918441844932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989770960895889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152186645990108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235078363285029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378152283481443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908790163903885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932308093221676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034399473553942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371267153906653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634291634464405,0.2398645469924093,0.0,0.17129895520308552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291687965852246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418146935651683,0.2551437558073682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23119723568362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431946148780805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25024084924662343,0.1529176272083775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639714539274926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504191328731394
suicidewatch,thowawaygoaway123,2018/03/01,"Why am I so messed up? I have a husband and two children. My husband loves me. My kids love me. 

My parents are narcissists who spent my whole life (including now) making me feel unwanted and unloved. 

We are VVVLC. I have to see them next week. I just want to kill myself. If my parents think that I am such a waste and so bad for them, aren't I also bad for my husband and kids? Toxic. Maybe everyone would be better off without me…",0.006212121212122668,2.347641136363638,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,92.1818181818182,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.3238606060606064,332,12,72,4,12,108,58,88,0.226,0.657,0.117,-0.9055,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,2,1,6,8,1,0,2,0,9,3,0,1,0,14,17,8,1,4,3,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,2,19,3,7,14,1,5,0,0,1,2,14,2,0,1,3,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201501129011753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383164390918769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917866226251886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358804080269806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243803266791757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414116099978004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430987189289317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656994854057444,0.0,0.13523362131036099,0.0,0.2035337359925445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546189867639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499151635080497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614418484073192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981458578966393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790570942843905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949567899926232,0.0,0.1625093512256008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828103212628613,0.2261898911291248,0.0,0.1952941852224067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391755355597885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,panda_98,2018/03/01,"Never been closer to suicide until now I know I'm not okay, but everyone around me downplays it, even my stepmom. All of our conversations are just about college and how not good with money I am (which is true, but I at least got as much rent paid and textbooks bought as my financial aid allowed before I spent my money on food) and how we can barely even afford me going to a state school. I have next to no money to pay my bills and the rest of my rent, not to mention the $1,200 I have to pay out of pocket for my surgery next week. I've applied for about 9 scholorships that were due yesterday, and so far I've heard nothing. I'm about to resort to taking out some loans so I can at least pay my bill ($101) and next month's rent ($575 give or take). Right now, I've been skipping meals so I can save up what little money I have (I also have a fucked up relationship with food and my body image that my stepmom thinks doesn't exsist).

I have no more motivation to go to class or do anything. Yesterday, I was seriously contemplating just slitting my wrists in the bathtub. Or working myself to death when I finally get a job. If it weren't for how expensive hospital bills are (if someone found me or I chickened out midway), I'd do it.",4.004941176470588,4.616260945098041,5.160392156862748,84.78176470588238,70.92156862745098,7.882352941176473,27.15686274509804,7.928766900206844,1.4915098039215682,971,31,205,12,17,322,145,255,0.122,0.831,0.047,-0.9445,6,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,2,0,0,2,18,6,1,0,6,1,20,6,2,5,3,40,37,26,2,2,13,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,7,14,3,0,4,0,18,2,8,2,0,0,11,1,30,4,35,26,7,31,0,0,0,1,7,14,1,7,14,140,37,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126575184344167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478607770342895,0.13499096879322006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290337248877258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843688101259466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003124211416567,0.0,0.0,0.1448976803377848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661132471382163,0.0,0.0,0.3667252587898186,0.16626447142514833,0.0,0.1401879256939754,0.07922518307132309,0.145466064247477,0.1723600162034641,0.1271877018673289,0.12127965912665782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047843123484464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333689627180033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198223823043938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103690122309108,0.0,0.11147220319490493,0.0,0.1169534398802601,0.0,0.4838097827210712,0.0,0.0,0.14550182820752547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280366869884472,0.0,0.12949898246365107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346688805943565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848333679437346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165868588489972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280274974847472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971642270717712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163575770564708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039508752632987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mysoria,2018/03/01,"I wanna quit life I really don't have the motivation to do anything anymore, even drawing and reading that were things I really enjoyed have become a struggle for me. I try to relax because of all the stress that builds up at home but I can't do anything but stay in my room at home because my family situation is terrible. 

My parents blame and shame and want me to be all these different occupations while blaming me for wasting their time when I don't get good grades. I'm blamed for being the reason we moved but they didn't even have to move in the first place since I was at boarding and we've already paid all the fees. It was their own decision yet they blamed me for wasting money. They really just moved up here for my youngest brother who is clinically autistic. He's spoilt and entitled, just like the other younger brother I have.

My younger brothers might be annoying but my oldest brother is the worst of all. He would always physically beat us and insult as well as degrade us when we were younger and now is no different. If we respond to his insult, we'll get  beaten up and my parents won't do anything about it because according to them we shouldn't talk back to him even if he insults us out of the blue. 

I have many friends but I really just prefer talking to my boyfriend. I'm not very energetic with my friends and talking to my boyfriend just brings me a lot of happiness because he distracts me from all my problems. So when he ignores my texts, I suddenly have no one to talk to and then I get upset and sad. I try my best to be understanding but I'm just really selfish and needy. I can confidently say I'm really only living to be with him so when he's gone or ignoring me, I have strong urges to throw myself off the school building or down all the sleeping pills. I'm too dependent on him, I can't help it when he's the only person I really care for. He just came out of his own suicidal emotions and is still recovering, he's switching courses - one of his big worries and I really am happy for him that he gets a lot of that kind of burden off his shoulders. I wish I could do the same. 

The subjects that I was good at have become mediocre and the subjects I was mediocre yet are now my fails. HL Chemistry and SL Math are my biggest worries study wise, I really hate studying in general. I used to get straight As and then I gave up when everyone just got so competitive. I could get straight As and still be ranked 34/40 in class rankings since it was the top class and because I was in the lower half of those rankings, my parents would cane and scold me. 

I was bullied in all 3 of my previous schools and only had 2 close friends in the 2 of those 3 schools. I had a best friend in my first school but she eventually sided with my bully and caused a lot of stress for me, they're best friends to this day. I used to cut to relieve this stress, on my thighs where no one could see. This school didn't have any bullies so I was extremely relieved. I promised my boyfriend I would never cut again but these days the urges get bigger and bigger and I'm so tired of life, I just want everything to change. 

I have no motivation to do anything and if I tried to change any of my worries for the better, my family would be on my case and if I tried to fix my family, I would get even more backlash. I've tried before, my parents are too adamant and just believe they're always right. They believe they're right to force me to do a course I despised for an occupation (also against my will) that I have no interest in.

I just want to get away and move somewhere else but I really can't do nor can I stand it anymore. Honestly, I would rather just end my own suffering once and for all.

tl;dr 
- shit family 
- shit in school 
- too dependent on bf 
- unmotivated 
- bullied, history of cutting 
- don't have a way out 
- lmao end me :^)",4.324092345847113,5.190151730670107,5.204724761719508,83.82541431628091,70.35309278350515,8.433923361213772,30.234292939116912,8.677809691926855,2.2085242948842647,3037,121,625,50,53,992,302,776,0.229,0.635,0.136,-0.9981,7,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,8,0,7,19,43,56,12,7,27,0,71,10,5,8,9,113,102,64,1,22,28,8,0,1,6,11,5,1,3,1,21,41,0,2,6,2,3,8,18,30,1,6,19,3,108,26,91,62,20,81,0,3,2,0,61,43,2,12,28,440,129,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054755419480891486,0.03968002036254481,0.08257339141744653,0.0,0.0,0.06748477359808956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841674537602364,0.0,0.0,0.16332770065621618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661835958453964,0.038153682808376416,0.0,0.1512353572861054,0.10959981190001422,0.04222182069682908,0.11180646512197484,0.15621515113456624,0.04388366800394111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675052259611179,0.05058952553687023,0.050972026625831786,0.10497991528006237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884937519025053,0.0,0.0,0.06399985506793858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036818670667714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041450019206430364,0.055814308225944236,0.08789480121283927,0.0,0.0,0.13109061427390073,0.0,0.0,0.04741275107675637,0.04459404755628093,0.0,0.1871042074085414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441120494759785,0.0,0.0,0.19167624829123428,0.0,0.23331329305569395,0.0,0.0,0.08323554710610293,0.039684571039655336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563996150117014,0.0,0.048988149089601606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03325833843439914,0.0,0.09954311295912174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051670193509404834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009424664713694,0.02424116842814193,0.0,0.04381418129477045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265520179390057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030552806932972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263755163243952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109471103765931,0.0,0.0,0.03826896551888538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052842248045164686,0.10086865401627808,0.11321166876327228,0.0,0.0,0.2203825769878652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043325095540535125,0.0518409335333857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747835155259132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277554712154138,0.04963208236984492,0.0,0.3178698085976849,0.05101624116845745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847481202725815,0.0,0.03945874588939253,0.0,0.3013003663740099,0.03953964377225611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186567234329016,0.08209012808574863,0.05577344699959093,0.04965448885628768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052886884105630715,0.07925104372791518,0.0,0.1705140044848253,0.05187219142169036,0.0,0.05427475498016801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952638101177866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03296442950581704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02893303666986254,0.05702934455930845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684390479698282,0.0,0.0,0.05165476960215281,0.17905539722798886,0.0857091731744321,0.0,0.04094058674307313,0.08779910462931416,0.0393849786673378,0.0,0.0,0.0446131296774786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057059004330447124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511704576628084,0.0,0.2114860126906231,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caxxy111,2018/03/01,"Im 16 yo and I have nothing left to lose Im ugly, Im short (5 feet 4 if you are wondering) and Inhave accomplished absolutely nothing in my life. My parents and teachers think Im a failure, and the fact that the girl who Ive been crushing on for 6 months has just got a bf is the last straw. Im gonna jumo from the top of my apartment building, face first to the ground so that no one has to see my ugly face ever again. Dont be sursprised if you dont see this account active anymore.
Bye",0.5858333333333334,2.202440731481481,3.044222222222224,92.47300000000004,81.5,5.431111111111113,23.76296296296297,6.2581,0.485111851851852,381,14,88,3,10,132,75,108,0.136,0.7759999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.7368,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,7,0,10,4,3,0,2,11,16,7,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,2,2,8,0,8,12,0,12,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,3,6,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811057134632418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32642826203491576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597053231246258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184562616737838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113806143249244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7521347675164065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351718951452415,0.0,0.0,0.1513086670620484,0.0,0.09836493185726383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579865561307132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115767071982033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26725146043210857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436759556784904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546340691631145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194770905508102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923352340855613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102379488589476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nirvana1120blacklago,2018/03/01,My suicide note hey everyone its me aryan i live in india and if you are reading this i might be dead my story began when i was 12 my life got ruined because of addicction when i was 12 i began suffering from post orgasmic illness syndrome pois has already made my life hell i have been going to pyschiatrist to help me which has helped i have not fapped in 1 month i am in state that i absolutely loathe i am gonna say this i am disappointment i am definition of worthless there is not much left in my life to live nobody gives a fuck about me but may be suicide is only way out i don't know how dead works i just hope i my life will be good in my next life i am sorry mom and dad that i was a coward i am sorry everyone in the world i just wanna stop existing  april 15 if things don't better in april 15 that will be my end,2.153041733547351,3.3765054438202284,4.15171749598716,87.94235955056179,76.02247191011236,7.3329052969502415,22.82664526484752,7.957251820313856,0.9489746388443012,651,18,147,10,14,223,104,178,0.251,0.6990000000000001,0.05,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,3,0.0,0,1,0,2,7,9,2,0,3,0,27,8,1,2,0,18,37,8,4,4,7,2,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,8,1,31,3,16,20,1,24,1,4,0,2,8,10,2,5,10,99,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447114489429914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533036185262273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380072151754318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239805182968444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675133168862257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940903160896122,0.0,0.13428133994454222,0.07955372288511478,0.11740838057016514,0.11195460068156343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765096364704406,0.0,0.0,0.13903148523316436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692921476969683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520884177490171,0.0,0.494359217440806,0.0,0.0,0.247209383523086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245223255243113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849640350090393,0.0,0.16394260196168878,0.11173050816389136,0.0,0.10290122915621354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887006175208334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646091446320828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340619151605784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400176395294284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113175227477674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31339175981943945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702934641829282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062302734643433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299633195811778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110941718754166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190693171646532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,star97art,2018/03/01,"Wtf Life is short it's a fucked up world, fuck my life  how am I going to get through this why can't I just rewind the past live in it and be like everyone else for a change also i was a shy n quiet person who've taken special ed and was bullied or teased in school sometimes  I'm also jealous of my family and friends and other people for being so damn smarter than me which makes me feel separated from everyone else and so much dumber too that's why I hate living in the present its too complicated much harder to live and survive life sucks for all the bad reasons I'm just a jealous person and I too sometimes hate the world too much drama because all of that sometimes there no point in living I just want to live in my childhood past  without any bullshit n try to fix all my mistakes as I get older  bringing my updated cellphone with me but nooo there's no such thing as going back or time travel isn't it. I just want to have a better past present and future mostly a better present and future I'm not so sure what the future holds anyways. I know there are some people or maybe a lot feeling the  same way as im feeling right now including depressed and a sad sore loser but maybe their stories are a bit different than mines and I think I'm bisexual I know y'all think I'm crazy after reading my story but I'm not and that's why the world is a fucked up place to begin with!!!!",2.3425259515570964,4.101180442906575,3.658192387543256,89.42478339100347,76.75086505190309,5.869674740484428,24.01674740484429,6.55674776486733,0.6849600276816608,1104,36,229,9,25,361,150,289,0.21600000000000005,0.7070000000000001,0.077,-0.9914,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,4,21,21,10,0,17,0,12,7,0,3,4,49,41,27,0,3,13,0,3,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,12,14,0,1,8,3,0,4,7,15,0,0,3,4,23,6,29,36,11,36,0,3,0,3,7,14,5,6,18,146,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493721907145051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635102274401438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181320892532975,0.07797898981624579,0.056931313101442324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519647839002075,0.1019606220312264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879707585286374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043898156108245,0.0,0.0,0.0975754767741537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560352065712936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784814229284435,0.0,0.0,0.08804231039059678,0.0,0.14166644093883632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215495570215195,0.25902009331949555,0.09758764511186484,0.0,0.10615442868460402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441187987569088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088012458562884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026523529869948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789804319346024,0.04562694777506703,0.0,0.4123372533939034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793991198684552,0.0,0.0,0.06234034152925606,0.0,0.18765100707287705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596310510438548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674616523824533,0.1294934551873611,0.16309377804437006,0.0975754767741537,0.0,0.08828627321366607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341795701678214,0.0,0.0,0.0960232333013764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975684153126779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451838183121523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710325646512124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802149906448631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062045949144542874,0.11968452127794248,0.0,0.0,0.05445802486885753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340750172817011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110170849052219,0.07413076519408066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528171120207955,0.0,0.0,0.09002721429386032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nazzy72,2018/03/01,"Looks like I’m doing it Just finished writing my notes. After two failed attempts,I think I am well prepared this time. 2 days to go
To be honest,I have no idea why I am posting this.There doesn't seem to be anything that could potentially stop me at this point.Medication doesn't help even after the psychiatrist upped the dosage.It never did help.Besides,everything just gets worse.
At first,I tried to get rid of,or,at least,supress the thought of killing myself.
After my first attempt,don't care.I have now,however,accepted and even embraced my actions towards suicide.Who knows,maybe tomorrow will be a better day.Not ideal(nowhere near that) still awful in fact,but not as bad.I know though that it will only delay the impending.I know that I will most likely kill myself in a few days time,at max,and I am fully okay with it.Thinking about it makes it eerily scary in a way.Not the thought of dying and eternal darkness.To be honest,I don't even know what I am afraid of.

I never really felt like ""myself"".Like I am ""me"".Never felt that I deserved what I have,and didn't deserve what I don't.
I can't even find that bit of ""me"" to truly realize what I really am.Who I really am.I constantly feel like I am watching someone live their life in first person,rather than my own.This god-awful fucking feeling never leaves.It always makes me uncomfortable and awkward.It all was a result of one problem of mine
That one fucking problem that lead to my ailments doesn't even matter anymore.Nothing does.I was just in despair for I thought this problem is one I can't solve.Once I realized I can,it was too late.I stopped caring.That was the point of no return.I simply do not care.And not because I am an angsty,cynical,ungrateful teenager,but because I can't.All of my interests suddenly disappeared.But so did that problem,in a way.Many more appeared,though.
It is much worse now.I can only find comfort in music.Not always,but god,does it feel fucking amazing.Euphoric even.But I am sure it's not enough to stop me.And if it somehow is,what even is the point of continuing on this journey of pain and suffering others call life?My psychiatrist told me my condition really is fucked and it would take me 3.5 years minimum to fully recover.He tried to stay silent about the maximum.I found out that it could follow me to biological death,or,if lucky,last around 
15 years.

Don't know how to end this post,so I am just going to stop now
",2.600522521735332,4.8752277022587265,3.788640831840624,86.35524400366991,77.93223819301848,6.52661103586876,25.76211280527765,7.616502295504843,1.46905770457425,1949,75,378,29,47,633,233,487,0.158,0.7829999999999999,0.059,-0.9914,1,0,0,0,0,3,85.0,0,0,1,5,21,24,6,1,14,2,43,6,0,5,5,62,73,10,3,7,9,0,5,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,30,8,0,5,20,0,0,6,18,14,1,6,14,7,39,10,45,49,7,51,0,3,2,4,5,16,4,4,31,216,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059331586448732175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058678052485255476,0.06347668984924264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059536811307880036,0.0869338998521947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306359947602137,0.07784674216749754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281051767336681,0.0,0.1454006796265353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705552191067078,0.0,0.11386270011735322,0.0,0.0,0.13795774408028375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400347498744987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315518724657669,0.07367726799452241,0.0,0.3296745952859221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408445970950713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816205984085796,0.050940404402970416,0.1369282280773909,0.0,0.13034320755648274,0.18195634032775904,0.0,0.07818240271887343,0.0,0.26368180210681136,0.0745079825565401,0.0,0.081048705619092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558866109717867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049482082865801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777713958675296,0.0,0.1567497548890623,0.058123203947455515,0.08043530081558746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072985457212716,0.13934435347982532,0.0,0.06296374269113159,0.0,0.0598783567546862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951934658102706,0.07229221753544049,0.07163559457591223,0.0,0.07920393305412929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052417480460145584,0.0,0.16498475334568108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841920244142108,0.0,0.0,0.07593764417854862,0.14495461947248015,0.10846154024405033,0.07587369357507738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226089560661361,0.0,0.0,0.20221920808864768,0.0,0.13658122212925938,0.0,0.0,0.272917546074358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827195875524688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491351905142903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604166115215098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600178901345997,0.056944374832854125,0.2384571507822093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720424813386433,0.0,0.05361258928777032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137890573589214,0.1401138709107526,0.16982494269328552,0.08315719807238467,0.0,0.0,0.06813511449617969,0.0,0.09682301539914688,0.0,0.06965475819395983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319739816760875,0.0,0.0,0.06411188192153039,0.0,0.0643417956950306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533205354918308,0.0506531237616101,0.0,0.0,0.09183634130421536
suicidewatch,Darkgoo,2018/03/01,"This is how it goes, you'll get... ah. Don't mind me, just getting some thoughts out of my mind, didn't seen fair to post in /depression.

Sad and tired of looking for a place where i belong, in any way. Too much pain, and knowing that i didn't have it all that bad... makes it even worse. Humanity is cruel, not life. If anything, i would trade my worthless existence with... someone... so many i can think of. 

i never wanted to be on this path, and i did fight against it, sacrificed more than my ""soul"" could handle just so i could be a ""normal"" human, i did. I don't get it, the passage of time, money, society, people... it's all too much, being the worst of all, personal memories. It's funny, i turned my attention to things for a second and time just went by faster than ever before, and it was all for nothing. Funny and overwhelmingly unbearable at the same time.

I'll give it till my birthday, just as a twisted personal joke... in the meanwhile im giving myself a little vacation, yeah (if i can make even make it there, it's been rough). My only regret? That the thing that gave birth to me will get her hands on me... 

I should have been a goner the first time around, all that came after was even more pain, confusion, suffering. Yes, i did try getting help, in all shapes and forms, didn't work, fortunately i will not be hurting anyone, which brings me to another important point, no human should ever be alone. 

Sad post is... sad.",2.319728187007339,4.335474515901062,3.540512367491168,89.06556061429737,77.69257950530036,6.75667300896983,22.192035879315032,7.748469712250963,0.9278052188094592,1100,32,229,17,26,357,157,283,0.177,0.762,0.061,-0.9877,0,1,0,0,1,0,76.0,0,1,0,2,17,17,2,2,12,3,32,5,1,4,9,49,53,14,0,10,8,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,21,11,0,0,4,1,2,3,9,16,1,2,15,4,27,1,30,25,14,32,1,9,2,0,12,14,0,4,12,166,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171199240221465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690034409142399,0.11857742595761972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907028996324436,0.0,0.09305770554203714,0.10066787943001924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441961382397106,0.0,0.0,0.0962253369653293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293368705954338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805752094857686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739825552098423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407084162844,0.20458016524142386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618837494071032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954061019245653,0.2169591098980235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579717714535618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210577317560438,0.0,0.1221490869314231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214748068674481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798738944890906,0.0,0.11333891274698935,0.0,0.0,0.09496127180803754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264514192880912,0.1146484521463004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283632654512631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662580898758155,0.0,0.08721661078547167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079736811310396,0.10850622548890257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600474664017559,0.2406566522251395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783975405447935,0.19747949513490187,0.11814770693254155,0.0,0.1069000232297864,0.0,0.21660458405073885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581489171320147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025469222862345,0.07245904509919587,0.0,0.08977530122139038,0.2637585169979978,0.1299723177864629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677596030449363,0.12300187348206552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666993060995153,0.08976005252946158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482910979556252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232579897837701,0.0,0.1152412773787764,0.08033094617406941,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suttiwit,2018/03/01,"I solemnly swear to pull the trigger and shoot myself if I get anything less than A:s for any one of my exams. Most people don't understand why I really want to get A:s in my exams.
It is actually the only source of confirmation that my life is actually *worth* something nowadays.
Also, I want to go to universities far away from this abusive, third-world country.
Those universities seem only to demand at least 3 A:s from students; I've only ever got 1 out of 1 exam I've sat.
I have to sit 5 exams and each exams cost a fortune and my family works too hard in this hellhole.
If I do not get an A in one, I will have to resit it again and it will cost the same regardless of how many times I've resit it.

If I do not get an A, I know I will never get anywhere.  I know that I am not worth my family's effort to work so hard for.

I also have a learning disorder and ADHD.",4.0461497326203215,3.6513858074866334,6.499893048128342,78.74042780748664,70.60427807486631,9.15294117647059,27.695187165775398,8.841846274778883,1.9572395721925129,674,20,145,11,11,245,100,187,0.102,0.8690000000000001,0.029,-0.8828,0,0,1,1,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,9,0,12,1,0,2,2,27,26,12,0,6,6,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,4,2,5,1,0,2,2,2,19,0,23,21,5,14,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,5,4,98,28,9,0.0,0.1740238558113606,0.2866592699818541,0.0,0.17651622014409393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349131160468524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988060935200377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086630358100775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799468869897666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833244000330966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328576081620278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27692294501255993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836828276275058,0.0,0.08347292593484112,0.0,0.1174700284517474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26314381069258624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143824358716247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374275105197772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890905101832402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327970419108882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905374383983032,0.3351170896468105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182521565837377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409242554898448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371025056008876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307219910782185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564448479001932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290293169025138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326235442211393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253260260089367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138547249561104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Echkae,2018/03/01,Feel so alone... anyone wanna talk? Preety much title,1.5266666666666635,1.1227572222222229,1.313333333333336,90.99000000000002,143.44444444444446,1.2000000000000002,3.0,3.1291,-2.5534000000000003,41,0,6,0,3,12,9,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5975949629405568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034497750472336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917470610929776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241592448400088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637683976326707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pinkpuffunicorn,2018/03/01,"Options I've recently come to the conclusion that there isn't a way I can handle all this. I'm 21 and been on the edge of suicide till age 7. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, anxiety disorder, depression and dissociation disorder to mention few. I've only had one attempt at age 12 and then I decided to at least see if there was something that would make life worth living. Here I am, I tried school, working, getting help. Everything I could think of as the ""right way"" and now I'm tired of this and ready to end it. Except I'm still quite not. Life is so precious and valuable I don't want to waste it. Anyone got any ideas where and how I could dedicate my life or maybe get a new start (got myself a few of those, but I mean like a different one) in an enviroment that is truly different? I've looked into some off the grid communities but most of what I found you need to buy a property of your own. I'm broke and uneducated so not really too much in value but I figured there must still be more use for me then hanging at the end of the rope, right? 
P.s. Not interested in joining a cult",4.237167030567687,5.240547179039304,5.811088973799127,78.89209197598255,70.6593886462882,9.742467248908296,29.596342794759828,9.978442167317967,2.8163906113537123,900,35,184,23,16,307,143,229,0.104,0.8,0.096,0.2097,2,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,2,0,4,12,6,0,0,13,0,15,6,0,3,2,40,34,20,1,7,9,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,7,0,2,2,5,2,0,2,7,2,15,4,27,22,9,29,0,2,2,0,5,12,0,5,14,120,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764720951163058,0.0,0.08734839329794541,0.0,0.0,0.07983823015957231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835709240008704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232897770754852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983441991301648,0.1158916310294427,0.0,0.23859034343470145,0.523446715887652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226150821522967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026188032931976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519391818181147,0.0,0.0,0.11931004865144072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264245622260114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653332847508025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889680621762034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419489181685968,0.05578322289281405,0.0,0.10082419287161737,0.0,0.09588354713736434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621691426488443,0.0,0.11471047773359355,0.1243769252222644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393640425225765,0.08466399814183964,0.0,0.11027702534763116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474442789525972,0.08684003511642494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969871990924414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347184675829546,0.0,0.0,0.12144588315113687,0.0,0.0,0.07314747404384883,0.0,0.11274027343363975,0.0,0.0,0.19502043793500376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555758643228772,0.09098772479504984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790235453133742,0.0,0.0,0.08081812230709434,0.0,0.18237069099483594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489582601954002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316277608772619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123462461858065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752161769435406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861599545667228,0.0,0.0,0.06734709780794093,0.18126362597920626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831253570710525,0.0,0.0,0.08111113001562104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,munkeyyy,2018/03/01,"i messed up i cant get help and my greatest friend,ny boyfriend gave up on me and he doesnt want to see me anymore.i dont have any talents and everything i do isnt ever enough for my parents.i have moodswgs and i cant do anything right.  i really messed up and ruined things with my boyfriend and nothing i can do can change it, i just dont want to be seen as some attention whore when i kill mysef, i know that nothing i can do will make things right. ive said and done unforgivable things to all my friends and i cant fix them.  i just dont want to try anymore. talking to peopel doesnt even hel anymore, it just makes me feel wors.ei feel so bad for the fact that i will die becuase ill just cause more pain  but i know that will be temporary. . i m sorry for all the typos i dont know. right now im trying to reach a suicide hotline chat but they dont help me. it feels useless. they dont care. nobody cares. im going to be purchasing coal briquettes with whats left of mymoney
",1.3663157894736848,3.0817052857142855,2.5995739348370925,96.11086466165415,79.47619047619048,5.563909774436091,23.43358395989975,6.339386263674448,0.32880952380952433,770,26,180,6,19,247,111,210,0.233,0.7390000000000001,0.028,-0.9884,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,3,0,9,12,1,0,3,0,29,3,0,3,4,34,48,13,3,3,6,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,10,10,0,0,7,1,1,1,12,8,0,0,4,6,28,4,18,38,6,12,0,2,2,1,11,8,0,1,3,112,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429451097026798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752842094193387,0.0,0.0,0.07780328866574884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894194712050424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927918628864176,0.09712476905054357,0.10001711430240096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981238040946208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675336689070467,0.6648431318489741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769127479685827,0.0,0.06244673048566825,0.08552225502903077,0.0,0.0,0.08497183370256199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341587029656225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609198480113975,0.0,0.04939637419123377,0.0,0.05373266129488568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674435973117912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042517729279298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460112270434398,0.0,0.15587999999212127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272448782295886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622035643378987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143884237357086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060359254154982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056857808464041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422252602205959,0.08993488121927007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753409080221846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583648805037196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034179606280788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599248028224331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843645120122726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838103341076268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672970121938425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635043458126392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,infinitystrings54,2018/03/01,"How do school counselors deal with suicidal kids with family issues? I was thinking of telling my school counselor I'm suicidal. I might write him a letter since I'm too afraid to confront him in person about it. I'm afraid he'll tell my parents but the problem is that my dad is part of what makes me feel this way and my mom reacted really poorly last year when I told her I was depressed. Obviously different school boards will react differently but for anyone who has experienced this-what will happen? I appreciate the feedback, thanks",6.209830268741161,7.647352217821782,6.393578500707214,74.92267326732674,66.42574257425743,9.731824611032534,31.26025459688826,9.957137785484203,3.175773974540313,438,17,76,10,7,140,75,101,0.14400000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.07,-0.7789,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,3,0,9,0,0,4,1,15,19,5,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,13,1,8,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,16,1,0,1,3,45,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234468064268563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564442402680468,0.1383854279116228,0.0,0.0,0.33573334333722665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514660250699312,0.0,0.08123992733195949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208055853945878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676984544383797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096805493366492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724893169031216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044620910678507,0.0,0.18817556760088364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840578463387458,0.17399069757093955,0.0,0.0,0.14029144717138597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374014911041525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292975677004104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878219413541837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290845321805686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514953089447296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808665258522561,0.14792398247713484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295128910147104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535277275202215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753291331776576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346665510482254
suicidewatch,Footballprayer,2018/03/01,"Honesty I don’t see the point of living I don’t usually think about suicide but lately it has been in my mind a lot. Wondering if life would be any different if I just wasn’t there. In school I have friends but they are not nice, the call me stuff and I am getting tired of it. Sometimes I only want to disappear, and right know I don’t know what the point of my life is..?",0.6437500000000007,2.5549278750000006,2.3225000000000016,96.2225,82.75,6.0,21.25,7.1686216300943375,0.4032500000000003,290,9,69,4,8,95,56,80,0.14800000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.095,-0.6426,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,12,3,0,0,0,16,19,6,1,4,6,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,11,2,7,15,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,4,2,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476039051438607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235071607115232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070423911976245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310337247862024,0.0,0.10353410540883784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781485806810555,0.0,0.22354106573515375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27994249805847393,0.0,0.0,0.17498513713672814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847454073528267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009223102282975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507149724784317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746638339957576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923357928575095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055563583624256,0.15791348333721872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959922811342571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268538630111568,0.2167625906181337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697744501973052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277638742440547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825301048881976,0.0,0.11688406135508635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490371420160706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077218775429362,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emmaroselol,2018/03/01,"I finally have something I could end my life with Finally found smtg super sharp to cut with and I could definitely go deep enough and hit a vein if I wanted. It really scares me that I have that power now but comforts me at the same time. 

I'm scared because I need to be there for my little sister and I don't need her finding my dead body and getting traumatized forever.

But also I'm comforted because I know for a fact there's a way out now. 

I can't tell this to anyone irl or I'll go straight back to the psych ward.

I want to get rid of it but I don't know how and it's so hard.

I'm just so sick and tired of feeling this way and I don't know what to do...",0.6836590436590448,2.100334351351353,2.962162162162162,94.10258835758837,80.48648648648648,6.445738045738046,20.844074844074846,7.321109707123232,0.3645887733887738,516,14,127,7,13,177,86,148,0.188,0.6970000000000001,0.114,-0.9377,1,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,2,5,0,10,5,2,1,1,31,27,16,1,7,6,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,3,18,3,14,22,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,7,79,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166279373814324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512033048139897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659823316753052,0.0,0.2007264055849176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287826517818934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262903775898795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582244385218074,0.1701174478885847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324708592554904,0.0,0.0,0.36071081674186667,0.1504782575595057,0.0,0.0,0.1805195982744787,0.0,0.0,0.17203552988403598,0.0,0.1871377608032126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474853760986975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271446020442197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629031757307112,0.0,0.1650128398150685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244157402449547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547279629040993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296673373633141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674815165009504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390288481975955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600308680481574,0.18922981291666294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421823708058994,0.2613676240727767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chaokuking,2018/03/01,"No One Really Cares About Me. What's the point of living anyway when no one loves you?

(I'm not sure this belongs here because I don't know when I will off myself).

I don't think my parents really care about me. I think I am just dead weight to them. I am 21 and living with them and they are paying for my college. We are not that close. I cannot talk to them about my feelings because they do understand western society. They way too conservative. They think prayer and reading the Bible will fix everything. It doesn't. 
They are the reason why I am still sticking around though. My older brother took his life in February 2017 when he was 24. I don't want to attempt, fail and them finding out. They would think they were the reason or that they were failure of parents.

Being a short, unattractive guy also takes a toll on my self-esteem. If everyone is dealt a different hand in life I have been given the worst cards to play with. There are way too many obstacles for me concur. I definitely wish I was taller and better looking didn't have social anxiety. I think then I could be taken more seriously in life. I am not looking for a girlfriend at the moment (never had one by the way) but I am scared I'll get pushed around knowing I can't change anything. Yes, I know that I should eat right, workout room but it won't change the fact that I am short and riddled with anxiety. 

Self-loathing is rampant for me. I am an Indian guy. Born and raised in Ameria but there is still a stigma about us. No one seems to like us. There are bad stereotypes about us bad jokes about us (creepy guys with no sense on how to communicate properly). I understand why those are a thing and why people may think those things but that rips away at me. I am aware that Indians can also be prejudice towards others so I get why you may not particularly care about me right now. I myself try to be kind to anybody unconditionally and try to understand all points of view. I can't act angry in public or else I am bruting foreigner, I can't go clubbing or anything like that because are not used to seeing someone of my race doing things like that. I have not learned how to be myself. 

As you see I am worried that things that I cannot change about myself height, race, looks means that I cannot be respected or appreciated. If things were different I would be much happier.

I know that I could learn something new, get a hobby, get rich. I konw that there are momentary pleasures like music, food etc. However, if you think about it none of that matters short or tall, ugly or handsome that stuff is futile to me. I probably sound sad and pathetic to you right now. You wouldn't be entirely wrong either. I have become nihilistic about everything. The only thing keeping me up is college and I am not doing to well in that either. 

I am not sure what kind of future I will have. Being completely realistic with myself, my future will probably be living alone, working and coming home.

To me suicide is freedom. Freedom from depression, anxiety, and further turmoil. ",3.3819736671423013,5.4612245767284975,4.27908516020236,84.69517203917499,74.7335581787521,7.327137112465946,25.40047347256453,8.20175343628119,1.6262930600596706,2406,83,464,41,52,775,269,593,0.14300000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.14,0.2437,5,1,1,0,0,1,69.0,5,6,12,4,36,31,1,2,17,1,76,8,1,5,5,91,117,37,2,11,24,3,3,4,1,11,3,1,2,3,32,24,3,2,22,5,2,5,27,11,1,4,11,10,86,20,60,83,8,54,0,3,6,1,36,31,0,12,19,346,118,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295064815807443,0.0,0.0972128755274407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949159177147713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003495013993964,0.1082157166977038,0.0,0.0,0.057105625780665276,0.0,0.1014989710534672,0.11115435800340376,0.06712769282071816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375573798068816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859104356830266,0.0,0.1928942956132244,0.05235733542765735,0.0637275831477112,0.0,0.0,0.09705715379613572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235047209689385,0.0,0.0,0.12700613993546211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219400139158466,0.050774615548437166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778673393619995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058078723583379836,0.10925184903497576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03073263285829121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555261173787655,0.0,0.07349646621893924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702197848069108,0.0,0.034543167684160124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054784427681173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096816585081297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054024827727820864,0.0,0.1265878405357352,0.1336143008385909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879397261341607,0.1187778467608404,0.0,0.16101185862416018,0.0,0.1531218618900574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485710594362413,0.0,0.0,0.06162225968969098,0.0,0.06620818320689796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468093113357436,0.0,0.046877952021705235,0.05870254056112264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474675530090968,0.046226588608837126,0.0,0.0,0.13497992081022692,0.0,0.0,0.04213780048525703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491513176111323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310641105537265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060797315645303565,0.0,0.07787556018067618,0.12498570961592835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571958617906326,0.0,0.0,0.06085225165489985,0.0,0.09686896411121616,0.05533261898347282,0.12681540119122786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061958440080075526,0.05149943177389029,0.04679208127012524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707935856572583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957955156872653,0.06648440388843384,0.0,0.11457049657455035,0.0,0.045699648072188535,0.048853358941568274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422806455064455,0.27262147959837363,0.059716893697149664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752978018771551,0.08253243851511663,0.0,0.0,0.18982507979529664,0.29244759930737424,0.05249515440792712,0.0,0.0,0.03585013041730065,0.1447350704658233,0.0,0.0740147221288239,0.054649299352679995,0.0,0.21938111616379574,0.0,0.06989499797398438,0.0,0.0,0.044249195421610835,0.06172592129880632,0.0,0.0863539687381088,0.06645433704825134,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anarchyincr,2018/03/01,"STOP IT, things will not get better Im tired of hearing that shit, i have no future the only thing i ever wanted to do is now just a dream, the only women i ve ever cared about doesnt give a fuck about me, i cant even get out of my house without having a panic attack, its been 12 long years of people telling me it will get better, im taking a shit ton of meds that just keep me like a fucking zombie, i lost all my friends cause i cant leave my house.

It will NOT get better, unless i get brain washed to let go of my dreams and stupid fantasies,i dont have a job and dont want one, just to be another mediocre human-being living a lie telling himself that ""its fine"" , dont have a girl and dont want one if its not her, i cant be with someone else, call it it whatever you want but ive been in love with her for 17 years.

IT WONT GET BETTER, give me one godamn reason and stop repeating the same crap, some of us are just born or become fucked up people, we cease to function and simply lose purpose.

Im certain my life will end with me killing myself or in some mental institution, its just stupid to read a story that you know its gonna end in tragedy",5.103704615384615,3.781082232000003,5.9756,86.47256923076924,68.68,8.332307692307692,26.830769230769228,6.297961479604792,0.9281446153846148,898,19,207,4,13,298,134,250,0.219,0.6859999999999999,0.095,-0.9878,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,2,0,7,11,23,10,1,12,0,26,11,4,2,4,41,50,10,1,5,14,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,0,2,17,10,0,3,2,3,0,1,14,13,0,3,3,1,27,10,24,38,5,19,0,2,0,4,17,5,6,5,14,135,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914339315655946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671439789219544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389002162987244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007478547023044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490246404827224,0.08680763218390111,0.0,0.08667627370081488,0.08733162218898224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985377418700067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101733355894327,0.0,0.1505923166100935,0.0,0.0,0.05615019038936968,0.15379799278716128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568072257063591,0.23577904974073216,0.2664942545889294,0.16310415811732246,0.048314765855160036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581566858356877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618684627272948,0.0,0.0,0.2754854220887117,0.0,0.08436214304808354,0.07556333356283176,0.09405413076251756,0.0,0.04672084302562127,0.0,0.0,0.0900163408617905,0.0,0.08693140625971238,0.060047095152254065,0.04153298785089122,0.0,0.07506791039411659,0.07523370340212104,0.0,0.09510764173320076,0.09280157604874116,0.0,0.07672742272484931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443011954571172,0.0,0.08567296479596505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282073651739982,0.12931221741675522,0.0,0.0997442708526532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787442209767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503586286245708,0.0,0.0,0.08740737604825465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745289524470757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203111800804135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214911044572098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391908861570547,0.0,0.14860996853029335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295752960383194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770977342727034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022599998256572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057114307824025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194936062674177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949098553061966
suicidewatch,eloisehanlon,2018/03/01,"someone to talk to, please i just want anybody to talk to. there is so much going on in my life. i am struggling with the death of a family friend, my relationship is falling apart and i cant handle all of the pressure from college. this morning after a gyno appointment i found out i cant have my own kids in the future due to complications with a surgery i underwent 6 weeks ago. i feel broken. i am feeling suicidal. i am worth nothing. i feel so scared to talk to anyone i know from fear of judgement. i just want someone who will listen to me. i dont want to tell my mum because she will freak out from my previous attempts. ",3.110859375000004,4.534303367187501,4.612937500000001,84.78831250000003,73.921875,7.307500000000001,28.425,7.908726449838941,1.795238125000001,493,20,100,7,10,165,78,128,0.21,0.693,0.096,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,4,6,0,11,2,0,0,1,16,21,3,2,3,2,1,3,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,1,4,20,1,23,18,3,13,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,5,71,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989776728460695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261272947311468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995919839555758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140637104529275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004810442704554,0.2029799092245236,0.27361969075663906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777956231625216,0.13936269263872975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251525257724753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913323470824532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274091474336702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326015315800169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308140249346254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800527809927415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366277150337327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805938588300595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30567418160124377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857444086172112,0.0,0.1973086405794763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349526780751787,0.15766182645954754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191819472024368,0.0,0.14469156708478745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Magius7,2018/03/01,"My Time I have this weird feeling like it's just my time to go. I do suffer from bpd but I feel like that has little to nothing to do with it, it just feels like something in me is saying ""it's time for you to go now"". I understand if this sounds weird but I don't know how else to describe it. I'm not sad, just ready.",-0.32547619047619136,1.248816611111117,1.6964285714285732,101.22,84.2777777777778,4.669841269841268,17.23015873015873,5.288315135182226,-0.8924507936507937,244,5,64,1,7,81,45,72,0.115,0.715,0.17,0.6329,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,14,4,0,1,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,5,9,3,9,14,0,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28012558545084426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580030644082807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373811425922099,0.4766828183617293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528086553420064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222341999665388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325984156967563,0.22291959660499053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341447018388496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768743951964812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122695947741165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890782573164796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315432466608233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ghzgpz,2018/03/01,"first post Well i finally turned eighteen a month ago, and really don't know what to do anymore. Live didn't get better. Got ignored and bullied since 5 years old. Got alot of social trainings behind me but they didnt help. And when i told my parents about my thoughts for the first time they just said the people that really kill themselves dont tell others about it. Why is it so bad to not be a burden anymore. Sorry for the incoherent post but i'm not a native speaker.",1.9616842105263184,4.356576800000003,3.1444736842105283,89.43881578947371,81.0,5.484210526315789,22.13157894736842,6.742157984588678,0.6192947368421051,376,12,74,4,10,121,69,95,0.228,0.727,0.045,-0.9628,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,3,6,6,1,0,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,16,7,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,7,2,7,2,8,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,9,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822456636543593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316614695079149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961618221010627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788664024578033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597282818404674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317407714061434,0.0,0.2844632198401724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736208607920938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674716197434797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120795994258884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499682284981486,0.0,0.09189609696599688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765247212747126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346811927077634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546230697628226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567066269685692,0.0,0.0,0.1159246989288919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202883791788458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424233737644324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905820949902194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832063034084646,0.0,0.0,0.1704529764172083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187181681464764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615185850439807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274874049644428,0.09750346267385078,0.0,0.0,0.15977954397342756,0.0,0.0,0.18188013363698635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034490412832172,0.0,0.15088406103962526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767993010856623
suicidewatch,huha302,2018/03/01,"Daily I think about dying daily. It's always a passing thought when I get a moment of silence in my day. It has been strong enough that it brings me to tears but never longer than 5 minutes. I fake it for the most part because I feel like no one can relate.
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suicidewatch,Blk_Brbi,2018/03/01,"An empty shell I just feel like an empty shell of myself these days. I’m doing well at work, have a family who loves and adores me, and friends. I’m disgusted with myself for not appreciating these things more- I don’t deserve them.... ",1.3457246376811582,3.98721241304348,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,87.91304347826087,5.67536231884058,16.36231884057971,7.1686216300943375,0.16643188405797105,185,4,37,3,6,60,36,46,0.173,0.57,0.257,0.6802,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,6,5,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749785861791633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019513041612176,0.0,0.21558956687459926,0.3046045832839662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32941864448473696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083067911521176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38482286125346665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832666483413095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833650970214885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31040831807291497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strappedtothebed,2018/03/01,"Im pretty much there Anyone in Australia want a chat?
Im about to end it all and just wanted to hear a friendly voice before i do so",-0.10200000000000033,1.6239514666666683,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.33333333333334,4.0,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.9543333333333336,104,2,24,0,3,36,25,30,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620103497493614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509382991043321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611939934428233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278391169830072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323738909805573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6370855136160785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167855348784309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000194613555245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34787948687739456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Autumns_Leaf,2018/03/01,"I'm So Tired Hey so I really dont know how to word this and its probably gonna come out as a blob of text so i apologize.

Im very tired. I type this, as I begin to move to my bathroom tub with 4 #10 scalpels. The anti-depressants dont work, the therapy doesnt work. I cant stop reliving the rape, the way she beat me and isolated me away from everyone for a week each time at a couple weeks a month. I cant stop reliving the parental abuse and abandoment especially after coming out as trans (trans woman here aka another fucking statistic). Im 22. Im crying. I work at Target. I dropped out of college after being homeless. I lost 11,000 dollars running out of an abusive household. I cant make ends meet on my pay roll and I have two wonderful Non-Binary Significant Others that I love so much. And I cant keep being an emotional drain on them and their own life especially a financial drain (I have combined finances with my SO Jess since we had been together for 4 years, Lilac entered our lives but a couple or so months ago).

I dropped out. Im a failure. I cant achieve computer engineering now. I bounce around retail jobs because I cant find suitable management. I only just started HRT years later than I wanted to and im only 4 months in. Im going to be homeless again soon and eventually without HRT meds. My body is riddled with scars and abuse and its used and dried. I've failed at school, finances, career, relationships, and everything else and it's been 12 fucking years of shit. I've been on meds, therapy, running, exercising, eating right, breathing right, meditation, you name it nothing worked.

Im tired. I need a hug. My SOs are all back at their respective college. Im alone. I need a hug. I have no close friends. My roommates dont care. Im tired. Im exhausted. Im ready. Im so ready and tired. I dont know what to do but this is the only and final option I feel like. Im so sorry Jess and Lilac but I have no more energy.

EDIT: Considered emergency hospitalization but thats a bill I cant afford.",0.9392060181736924,3.361402729927008,3.242295049406625,86.75646506777895,86.17761557177616,6.664104473906352,23.71622225532549,7.8877783879560495,1.5384545508714431,1586,63,324,34,49,542,216,411,0.18,0.728,0.092,-0.9876,4,1,0,0,2,0,60.0,2,1,3,8,16,14,4,0,18,0,27,18,3,3,1,55,49,33,0,3,7,1,1,1,1,1,8,0,0,1,11,30,1,3,5,1,6,7,15,7,0,1,5,1,42,7,38,40,5,51,0,2,0,6,16,18,3,3,24,180,53,18,0.0,0.18661837692469088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046539736128580894,0.0,0.0,0.054376099092212055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055052783869222285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467377914816142,0.0,0.0,0.04932723104573698,0.04037069394777015,0.0,0.032004650003215986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831773705275833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352915110893325,0.0,0.0,0.09045141687086217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161846315084228,0.05767083413266974,0.0,0.0,0.04521977996345155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612718217225416,0.0,0.0,0.05372251567796135,0.043858571868837175,0.05905753231248791,0.04650106959772447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016778255862929,0.0471852915176954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026546520783561896,0.03750734331972321,0.0,0.05751322756244815,0.047985754064114435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056281117440838,0.09707425760254457,0.0,0.0,0.02983802016201898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7372433156527183,0.0,0.05210000049935063,0.04666607051592162,0.0,0.0,0.057707304651508536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037083620382117134,0.02564975959107185,0.0,0.046360109258835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057311988337282724,0.0,0.04738498357017908,0.0,0.03504540301344717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663547410551665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257194648245911,0.055801174390891765,0.03859491220409159,0.07785893628017272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503769560864025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979010398322495,0.0,0.0,0.058297108641401675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660589105457803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03363403953055899,0.0,0.0,0.05636735544689692,0.0,0.08967261282106342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053134690991375286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389241063056631,0.04343008581540432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058771540218218385,0.037161090741600886,0.0,0.0,0.08778782114369903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200809179362697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03061426007667583,0.3017158562135334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128669393289725,0.0,0.0,0.045344755002022716,0.0,0.04331953761181551,0.03096696064423008,0.04167353720227174,0.08422765954162424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060992496529169,0.056936033731432585,0.15288793398627118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142844043628048
suicidewatch,Sarahsaurusrexx93,2018/03/01,"I’m invisible I don’t have family I’m close too, the only friend I thought I had in this lifetime destroyed my life, I wake up and go to bed every day knowing there’s not a single person who cares about me, who misses me, who would miss me. If I died no one would know, or care. Alone is an understatement. Logically speaking there is no reason or purpose for my existence, I don’t feel like I wasn’t meant to be in this life, my soul just took a wrong turn. I forgot how it feels to be held, loved, wanted. I stay as high as possible to numb it, but we all know that doesn’t work for long. I don’t want to do this if this is all there’s going to be, who wants to make every memory alone? I don’t understand why I’m not enough, why was I picked for these memories? Is this really what I stuck around for? All these years convincing myself “it’ll get better”. It’s not going to ever be better, it won’t even be ok for a little, I accept this. Now what do I do? ",1.4731628303495299,2.7606748840579773,3.638050582551864,90.66718670076729,77.93719806763285,6.996192100028416,18.93975561238988,7.724431198458867,0.3176691673770957,739,14,174,11,17,254,116,207,0.103,0.7509999999999999,0.146,0.9153,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,3,11,15,1,0,5,1,25,5,1,4,4,38,54,9,1,7,9,0,2,1,1,4,3,1,1,1,20,4,0,2,11,0,0,4,12,5,0,1,9,3,23,10,20,36,5,17,1,2,0,1,9,7,0,4,6,118,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800910912282882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037309807279307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23917948029676714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757284652067365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720472085904052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033541404802916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971681615886786,0.0,0.08931051806961443,0.12231283917862412,0.2278547702633415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747193068869728,0.0,0.1367410332611965,0.09660009539926663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446944737485088,0.0,0.07064606482147373,0.0,0.23054330211603585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428657278228869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229375893295636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101759546797667,0.0660609097889069,0.1355244208659545,0.0,0.1196640827136218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203994013526842,0.0,0.09025937255930727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162752850590157,0.1028397326005102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806754433406005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243849758255296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662440844233807,0.13902709828483742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441248878029531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734835381080304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023268525915556,0.0,0.14707885637033466,0.0,0.14076718640728253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392660546729469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24402725793584976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098440649892046,0.0,0.0,0.19211062986210106,0.1478401599135062,0.0,0.08707625543103767
suicidewatch,Ijustwanttobehappy1,2018/03/01,"Please help anyone Ive tried literally everything.

My story.
My girlfriend and i have been dating for almost a year now, known for more than that. She knows about my mental and emotional state and was the only thing keeping me sane and not suicidal. Keyword was.  Now i feel like shes daring to me to just end my life, i fee like shes done with me. Im too emotionally weak at this point to do anything. She feels she can do whatever she wants but when i do something she doesnt like she makes me feel like shit. She talks to other guys but when i even mention another girl she just finds way to make me sad. 
Is this manipulative? I have my faults and shes right i shouldnt be talking to then when i have her, but it just ruins me she can just go talk to other guys without a care in her mind.
This is a long distance relationship aswell, and like we dont talk anymore, i ask to call but she finds an excuse not to or even worse get mad at me. 

Please anyone help me. We also had a big fight 3 days ago and almost ended it then.

I am about to end my life soon. I cant take it anymore. Im simply too weak for this world. If anyone has a miracle please let me know soon.

I love you Chloe, goodbye. ",1.1273809523809533,2.987478960317464,2.833571428571428,93.44892857142858,80.82539682539681,5.787301587301588,19.230158730158728,6.816661863887847,0.016830158730158917,926,22,213,10,24,306,136,252,0.136,0.7070000000000001,0.157,-0.0379,0,0,1,0,1,3,25.0,2,1,0,0,18,15,3,0,7,0,27,6,1,3,0,40,42,19,1,3,13,0,3,5,1,1,4,0,0,3,11,10,0,1,8,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,5,3,46,7,21,34,1,27,0,2,0,1,35,7,1,4,22,142,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721341260477425,0.0,0.19703909554809768,0.0,0.0,0.07867939288620067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316648855426908,0.0,0.0,0.19514530751931114,0.2063817146964708,0.0,0.08096344338862922,0.0,0.09197779747647587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004632903797498,0.0,0.10031126796999004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345094704517057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068322145826412,0.1153078706373285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134242096940954,0.2614228596946707,0.0,0.0,0.1299662884483477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842315492807684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924102688860227,0.1405742138122298,0.0,0.0,0.17984637286221095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140271849711802,0.0,0.055915133607765136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483557361496526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318923656043455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254791587952,0.0,0.0,0.08745015767395291,0.0,0.0,0.10814094340751232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060653528353164,0.1389861376235102,0.2403325902245104,0.0,0.0,0.08706867358412945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879736902587568,0.0,0.13134707874011164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915012912409936,0.0,0.09934199541409143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482712361320511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239954436522797,0.0930067416620134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562993770416317,0.0,0.08402126045262177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009920002898998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574248835332519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761851258820893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397416331785953,0.31631633987736457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536340648670239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679775822446565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803071827307747,0.07809437046829598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484076694590483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026392315115776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335747443280451
suicidewatch,Mental5Emperor,2018/03/01,I JUST WANT TO F**KING DIE!!! Why am I still here?! Like FUCK I’m so tired of everything! I’m tired of being alone everyday. I’m tired of convincing myself that I’m a piece of shit. I’m tired of being worthless. I’m tired of searching for validation in all the wrong places. I’m. Just. Tired!,-1.2071087928464976,0.6481508524590183,1.274366616989571,95.80308494783907,106.04918032786884,4.84113263785395,17.02086438152012,6.574015621080383,0.07547868852459061,226,7,51,4,11,76,35,61,0.484,0.43,0.086,-0.9875,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,3,8,1,0,1,4,12,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,9,10,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748605922554888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777062999496514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930461898664953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272264241856165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485357399910048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869256463672774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362630877069085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601208114513833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9154402342760674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829773478137632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978369569016865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451382183749376,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Girlscoutcookies11,2018/03/01,I need help I’m sure everyone of you reading this knows what it’s like to have an extremely hard day when you’re depressed. Most days I don’t get out of bed unless I have to work. I dropped out of college this semester because I just can’t bring myself to do anything. I’ve been fighting this battle since I was a teenager. My boyfriend does not understand depression at all and I do not have any friends where I live because I moved here for my boyfriend. Today all I wanted was someone to talk to. Something to take my mind of things for awhile and not think. He argued with me and told me he doesn’t have time for me and isn’t responsible for me laying in bed all day. I found these threads because I was googling how to make a noose out of bed sheets. I’m not sure what to do from here and want this to be over. ,3.4332456140350867,4.266895906432747,3.9066812865497087,92.43440789473686,72.39181286549709,7.1035087719298255,27.700292397660817,7.1686216300943375,1.1199976608187132,644,23,147,6,12,202,98,171,0.078,0.8109999999999999,0.111,0.5363,0,0,1,0,2,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,6,9,3,0,3,0,16,0,0,2,5,31,30,8,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,9,9,0,0,4,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,6,1,21,4,27,23,4,16,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,1,7,95,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589266400502432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024261567204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116626316689832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32972387566706607,0.0,0.2935680830855412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913726047515108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284532753468212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868587008673365,0.1316674553774512,0.0,0.08903835352069793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526644532680047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423013625261155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365936112619916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325948026330457,0.0,0.1504855664683982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137578709132738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720774302555097,0.0,0.0,0.1811313966266116,0.0,0.1263656009235531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046791266470113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097466917545384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439783310715,0.13119902315903442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212410481733264,0.0,0.12813597991442235,0.13697858264029902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322066739342565,0.10919940433325716,0.0,0.0,0.09937431863949682,0.0,0.1615399339159925,0.16284532753468212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177415097912656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103837928136006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406909582359385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lightlesswalk,2018/03/01,"A confession I just confessed to my wife that the only reason I haven’t killed my self is the guilt I have assuming she, my false daughter, or anyone else I know may be upset about my passing. ",6.6769230769230745,5.598241948717952,7.143205128205127,78.58096153846154,65.41025641025641,9.851282051282054,32.32051282051282,8.841846274778883,2.52514358974359,152,5,30,2,2,50,31,39,0.235,0.765,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745430376157665,0.4023061097676625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280003617656801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43439801763406827,0.0,0.2157846915173501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29862043509571273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036993439217344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40960918186078615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgentWitneyWiggleton,2018/03/01,"You are wrong. No matter what you say, you are wrong. There is no hope. This is not an angry death. This is a soft, muffled scream saying, “I have lost all hope. There is no more hope. I have lost all hope. There is no more hope. I have lost all hope. There is no hope. I have lost all hope. There is no hope. I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope you have won I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope there is no hope I have lost all hope you have won I have lost all hope there is no hope.”",0.5295588235294133,1.334014357843138,1.4138725490196082,107.63492647058823,79.44117647058823,5.1000000000000005,13.240196078431373,3.1291,-1.885503921568628,675,1,200,0,16,208,26,204,0.302,0.309,0.389,0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,0,21,20,62,0,0,2,0,44,0,0,0,19,59,103,0,1,38,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,21,22,0,0,21,4,24,40,0,82,21,0,0,19,0,0,7,0,0,38,0,135,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8746668309156657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806572313685729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03685865024098069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067544505436375,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Y00nited,2018/03/01,"I probably won’t but everything just sucks I’m a sophmore in a private highschool. I would say that I’m pretty well liked and that I have a bunch of friends. But, according to my mom, my grades are sh*t (Bs and Cs). And while I semi-agree, she has reason because I could lose my small scholarship. But, I can’t bring myself to study or just work. Hell, I’m avoiding doing work right now. I’ve always been a good student throughout elementary up until 7th grade. Then, I started to struggle because I actually had to study and work hard. But no matter how hard I’ve tried recently I can’t get the grades I need to keep my scholarship. My mom has been fighting with me for so long that recently she just gave up. She decided that she doesn’t care what I do anymore. She keeps reinforcing the fact that I had gotten some bad grades recently by bringing them up in casual conversation. I’ve put up so many walls of lies and complete bullcrap to hide what I’ve been dealing with outside of my house. Everything just sucks and I feel like I’m garbage. Doubly so because of my mom’s asian expectations. I’m going to keep trying but I just feel like nothing I do is going to affect what has happened. I just keep justifying killing myself recently. My sister wouldn’t have to keep making sure I’m working and my mom would be less stressed out. I just don’t know, if that makes sense. I know I should keep studying and trying hard but I keep getting distracted and I just don’t know. Everything just sucks. Thanks for taking the time to read this far if you did. ",3.5290291262135938,5.248692543689323,4.390917799352753,85.59639611650488,73.40129449838187,7.532996763754046,27.24673139158576,8.238735603445708,1.760944750809061,1232,46,247,20,25,397,155,309,0.177,0.705,0.119,-0.9605,0,1,0,0,2,1,33.0,0,1,1,5,15,22,6,4,7,0,28,0,0,5,2,60,65,25,1,9,18,5,5,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,10,12,0,8,7,2,2,5,8,12,1,0,8,6,40,10,27,50,3,27,1,1,0,0,18,11,4,4,14,151,50,13,0.0,0.0,0.07963680665084624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790368640327514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093236453205069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813856170851873,0.14924088398878374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320392849022078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556354437440859,0.0,0.0,0.06515666902384105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413338852846107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002973370000006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825260543528788,0.11660032885937545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304948183186425,0.0,0.08527273556778632,0.0,0.09275844822564637,0.0684482057873145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216493343601284,0.0,0.219311931982722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416369457888138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077532932209813,0.09028622062349703,0.0,0.13454746666399695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196073943969608,0.0,0.0,0.07221975992567051,0.0,0.09129752680598197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894681293592197,0.08273684158379342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823092321650843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605106678545761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830426160202109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830238100832863,0.08798631052163901,0.0,0.0,0.08203772602657931,0.0,0.0,0.08162923428312517,0.0,0.0,0.08390574208739253,0.32230886276587223,0.0,0.0,0.06969206040192427,0.0,0.06489728133350513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776196096199186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348071486587754,0.08531351223161482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769137733101577,0.0,0.06135842083727285,0.0,0.0,0.07513289966471882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047585785566019584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621769451498392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733746286808825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376439092135793,0.0,0.0,0.11594275619873146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enoughbulshit,2018/03/01,"Brother has mental issues and has tried to commit suicide twice Sorry for the long post. Let me know if another subreddit is more appropriate or could give other useful advice.

My brother has been fucking up for the last couple of years. This first happened a couple years ago. He stalked some girl he met to another state a 5 or 6 mile drive away. He then hung around the house trying to see her. This came after he fb messaged her thousands of times in a one-way conversation. He was lucky that he was a minor and got it expunged with some probation and community service.

The second time happened when he went away for college. He appeared to be doing fine, when he again got in trouble for stalking a girl. He had mandatory therapist sessions that he had to complete for a year. At the time, they seemed only a little helpful. Looking back, they didn't help at all. My parents forced him to stay home after that and attend the local college.

About a year ago, he stole a lot of money from my dad. This was happening for months before my dad realized. A couple months after that, he convinced my dad to buy a car saying he had a lot of money saved up. This was a lie, and I don't think my dad has seen any of the money.

Fast-forward a couple months, and he tries to commit suicide in the garage by running his car with the door down. He got rushed to the hospital. He clearly told us it was a suicide attempt, but he recanted when he later spoke with a hospital psychiatrist. I'm not sure what's true and what's not. He did this because the old car that my dad and brother bought was a POS that got hit (and they didn't do any research). So, he wanted a new car. My dad ended up buying a used sports car with the promise he pay it back.

Towards the end of last year, my brother drove my dad to the airport. My dad lectured him about his behavior, which led my brother to drive erratically. I'm unclear if he had any intent to hurt my dad. My brother says he was always in control of the car.

Most recently, he decided he wanted to buy a gun and commit suicide. He stole some checks and forged the signature to transfer a couple grand out. He then tells us he tried to check into a local mental health facility very early in the morning without any luck. He then bought a ticket to leave town for a couple of days. The scary part about the most recent incident is I don't think anything bad would turn up on his background check if he actually followed through. With all the gun violence recently and his history of mental stability, I'm also worried if he has any other ideas.

The thing with the suicide is we're unsure if he's actually suicidal or just very, very manipulative. I think it's real due to low self-worth.

I take parts of the stories with a grain of salt. He is a compulsive liar, so I don't trust a lot of what he tells me. My parents are also terrible at communicating, so I don't fully trust their stories either.

I've talked about putting him in some full time mental health center. My parents are fully behind this. Cost isn't a huge deal given how much we've paid in lawyer fees, stolen money, and stress. The problem is that there aren't really many around, and the ones that are have turned him away (sometimes according to him and sometimes my dad). It's frustrating getting turned away at every point.

I've also discussed just pressing charges and let him experience the real world, but my parents are worried about him turning to drugs and crime. This even comes up when I suggest that he move out and they cut off support. I realize they're enabling him, but I don't know how to convince them to kick him out.

This has been happening more and more frequently. He seems normal according to what therapists say, just very selfish. He has moments of clarity and self-reflection where he talks to us, but he just does it again in another months. I'd like to help as my parents are ineffective, but I live really far away.

TL;DR: brother stalks girls and is emotionally manipulative with family, lying frequently and stealing multiple times. he says he's tried to commit suicide twice, maybe more. parents are useless.

Any advice is appreciated.",4.648014557811712,6.045704575495051,5.435670414499079,80.48367091793925,70.07673267326733,8.10172847793254,29.41273703641551,8.543581382742746,2.2296660681322376,3299,127,616,53,59,1074,344,808,0.174,0.769,0.058,-0.9988,7,0,1,2,0,10,92.0,3,0,6,5,30,29,4,1,54,0,51,4,0,9,9,110,99,51,7,11,21,23,1,1,0,1,3,5,2,3,31,38,0,1,11,2,16,20,12,15,0,6,31,10,55,14,99,62,20,116,0,3,3,1,112,45,1,23,49,379,86,9,0.0,0.0,0.08860684194571512,0.0,0.0,0.08872784794901849,0.08048794024479815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891803365990828,0.0377760702726675,0.0,0.0,0.18523954310331428,0.14281618935698714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03735996906237536,0.08083046619673016,0.0,0.0,0.21327190241697724,0.06981891760477066,0.037906735727021516,0.02767515000404747,0.0,0.03863168118213898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192500133035274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910770043928305,0.047600574229063726,0.0,0.050919466228194786,0.03624785395537585,0.3014024935286727,0.0,0.02927895997712609,0.04680495221501688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03972946034056028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052649075454610526,0.0,0.0,0.05106839366944328,0.08042106858449376,0.0,0.0,0.029985980785644,0.0,0.03825108683004296,0.0,0.0,0.04440948054918942,0.042798664109873534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861684200156597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197116107209434,0.02371939596931752,0.04355139419340777,0.0,0.0,0.14524069980421733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058672164047388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965152172469613,0.0,0.0,0.09129110297760412,0.0,0.04553945969463182,0.0,0.0,0.052384996043075734,0.0486011672738275,0.05125057646716846,0.0,0.04738534479887109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499008210494189,0.07401340055819736,0.0,0.04807157818625396,0.0,0.09284825072529944,0.0,0.022179931484310505,0.04550228537364912,0.04008864267577943,0.040177181395202134,0.0381241956934933,0.0,0.0,0.11579124559977033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046028027451204635,0.04560995949539125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300831098925868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494998058509245,0.04825254678663138,0.033373899871860714,0.0,0.0,0.043847177335089325,0.0,0.0,0.04448192893632311,0.0,0.0,0.047639200523290064,0.0,0.061527832748039815,0.03452841067785531,0.0,0.0,0.3024650279801696,0.09832659727015593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042917258032199264,0.0,0.04348022827216988,0.0,0.0,0.043441246965718126,0.0,0.045639096601984036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334927556646736,0.05816824049984912,0.0,0.13447976348114604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441420724052584,0.0,0.0,0.03617757091133356,0.08266010751126047,0.09472328338264216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980265014694208,0.0508210897899106,0.0,0.04838988967709058,0.0,0.0,0.05200504186091229,0.0,0.0,0.34761824507322103,0.05151888195571159,0.04278854741766122,0.0,0.034134818595900694,0.07298089222204356,0.07936243189921906,0.0,0.0,0.10542477518173292,0.030161449932817764,0.08727061345733532,0.0,0.0,0.13236424078997722,0.0,0.0,0.04338122452646688,0.0,0.15411660350976075,0.19752673510001,0.0,0.0,0.16383024003918453,0.0784212854351889,0.0,0.14983756440298535,0.053555672748327794,0.03603605704659265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208584636797645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376355513862176,0.0,0.0,0.09221091255982153,0.0,0.03225054439429363,0.0,0.0,0.14617913873289193
suicidewatch,ugh_why_is_this_hard,2018/03/01,"Help killing myself I know this sub is about helping people going through tough times, and definitely not to help people in killing themselves, but is there some service or website that do the opposite? I just want the final push to ending this",7.098333333333333,8.641210954545457,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,64.45454545454545,7.684848484848485,35.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,2.7315848484848493,198,9,32,2,3,59,36,44,0.16899999999999998,0.693,0.138,-0.3672,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537750980160305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911184710676938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510330610436052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53438415738866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880307198608273,0.0,0.14605042189071746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684781344388057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496220546331715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674749302798413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Milesholtz098,2018/03/01,"Feedback please I've tried killing myself twice last year.I live with a super controlling mom, and I hardly see my dad. I just want to end it. I get set off all the time and a small inconvenience will bring me back to last year. Honestly I don't want to live but thinking of the damage it would cause to my family makes me stop. I do awfull in school, and feel really unsure about my future. My self confidence has boosted since last year and i run a side buissness, which makes me feel good about my self but that will either get me killed or in jail. Is it ok for me to end it even if it will destroy my family?",2.6844881889763808,4.0462497716535415,3.764574803149608,90.692531496063,74.90551181102363,7.2847244094488195,20.574015748031496,7.908726449838941,0.5811959055118106,479,10,107,7,10,155,79,127,0.173,0.672,0.155,-0.7743,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,3,0,5,1,8,0,0,4,1,23,19,8,2,4,6,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,0,4,18,4,13,15,2,19,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,2,11,65,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257649153693433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039837577104204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420577847835038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593429419270991,0.0,0.0,0.0966991935123058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760354135096506,0.0,0.14805364387305886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298125328821266,0.0,0.0,0.12279765902841082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311502204949806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32395112209479715,0.0,0.0,0.3580191120432225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585567864838223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954530938138458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146789384332628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607088447159826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379086154584243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816978619310006,0.11666591649505315,0.0,0.3054649162692838,0.0,0.0,0.12110781881955356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240122645421372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381048207132782,0.0,0.0,0.08536999623762387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939945851885933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270705266547945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040019886477771,0.0,0.0,0.2828402697548891
suicidewatch,awesamme,2018/03/01,"Why was human being made like this? I mean: most people on this reddit aren't able to fight anymore, so they take the easy way out of a difficult situation. Why? What's in human's brain that makes us even think about suicide? ",1.7006666666666668,4.169797733333333,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,82.77777777777777,5.377777777777778,17.88888888888889,6.742157984588678,0.02668888888888876,178,4,36,2,5,57,41,45,0.14,0.698,0.162,-0.2396,0,0,0,0,1,1,6.0,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,2,0,6,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,21,7,0,0.2525184151388516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25043041409546696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281894064148905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667860316413183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336774243901175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23893903004422826,0.1685580029428123,0.0,0.0,0.27506658239628456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506447402363645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838412787229169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762141607646535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986242187990127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180360417426526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037485616396452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200437364172488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557171858717501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smallbutrad,2018/03/01,"I don't know what to do anymore I am not alive 
I am simply living 
I don't feel like I ever get better, I either stay at the level of sadness for a while or I get worse. I have dealt with depression/mental issues for the past six years and I am exhausted. But lately it has been getting much worse. I relapsed after two years of sobriety. I don't care about school anymore because I feel stupid and I can't handle the workload but I want to be successful. My job keeps bringing me down but I cannot leave because I make good money. All my friends are depressed so I feel like an ass going to them and talking about my issues with them. And on top of it all I have been actually feeling suicidal. I have self harmed in the past, but lately I have been having suicidal thoughts. I can't tell my family, they would be devastated. I don't want to keep living but it would destroy my family if I killed myself. 
Sometimes I wish I would get hit by a car or get cancer, so it would be easier for my family to deal with my death. ",1.92253227408143,3.7356227924528302,3.8455412115193655,87.36539721946377,78.15094339622641,6.727308838133067,22.478649453823238,7.669130373188453,0.9782886792452832,800,24,167,12,19,271,112,212,0.287,0.591,0.122,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,3,5,14,3,0,7,0,28,3,1,1,3,36,49,15,4,8,10,0,4,2,1,4,2,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,6,0,1,3,8,7,0,2,4,4,37,7,22,37,4,19,0,2,0,1,8,6,1,3,11,122,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.10465408904860588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127132726902595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307491633538428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484807288745448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934179442410967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056323709239237,0.0923685838881544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970077957447794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032986013197602,0.0,0.21690194281501846,0.15322941379413207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285598536151577,0.0,0.2801512528200583,0.0,0.06094889604990295,0.0899506763887398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386849526668004,0.10642252727869822,0.19064572417930106,0.1186489334563634,0.0,0.05893816837421971,0.0,0.24195045439428134,0.11355527662961758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478741702917713,0.0,0.18939577523817375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158580273407175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883623910733155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475192164711747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853604697269277,0.0,0.0,0.11187825585948157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606646551105704,0.0,0.0,0.11430719597073614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346137481418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619818318467677,0.09373545916672224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513928096141049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476121942025764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650987264155691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332461819585808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858037477162426,0.3047305396099507,0.0,0.0,0.1381224678913444
suicidewatch,apicalmermaid,2018/03/01,"Before I got admitted I put this in my Notes: I was hoping a train would come so I could stop on the tracks.
Not so it could kill me, but to see how it felt when it got close.
So that maybe I would finally be afraid to die.
",0.7398000000000025,1.7061099800000008,2.501000000000001,99.3955,79.2,6.6000000000000005,16.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.5005999999999999,169,2,46,2,4,56,38,50,0.193,0.748,0.059,-0.8390000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,13,6,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,2,7,1,4,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042491249331144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676588096722506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832912378926875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491147979721698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304678792446654,0.26294277249843434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839502311563913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23840543652656074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655592879891546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241143901329242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412979517961787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127402625858084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006770795297228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341022977493226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidenamewastaken,2018/03/01,Do you guys ever forget some people don’t want to die Pretty much the title I just forgot and was reading one of the posts talking about being sucidal like it was abnormal and I was just like ‘huh’. You know?,2.21142857142857,4.340778000000004,3.9573809523809516,85.39178571428572,78.52380952380952,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.6236952380952379,164,4,31,2,4,55,33,42,0.12,0.6829999999999999,0.197,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,1,10,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,4,2,3,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356721470012661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292563453148453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32024928773887473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775018934738165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160258238752209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776029719466416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191664123174876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422755552146226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097591841461524,0.3290473985548647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235202908652724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599630053854627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076902486662647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fshfshfsh,2018/03/01,"My health is declining I'm 22. 

I don't want to live if my health is going to get worse.

I don't want to die but I don't see the point in dragging it out. 

I don't know what to do. I had so little time. ",-3.039133333333332,-1.5941275799999983,0.6400000000000006,105.31666666666666,94.8,4.133333333333334,12.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-1.5842666666666667,151,2,46,1,6,55,31,50,0.101,0.85,0.049,-0.0513,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,6,15,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,6,14,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926391422431496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731708280801098,0.0,0.1602493916421555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5994393900163419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496270217492605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826068568952892,0.2489836545740035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665516973366751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469266150924527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441830008234942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332625058720294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28735034063117304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,123woah8910,2018/03/01,"Struggling with this new-ish development. I've had intense anxiety and depression my whole life. My mind runs a mile a minute and I can't keep up. I have tons of negative core beliefs and have been going to therapy for years, trying all kinds of meds as well as cognitive methods to help. I've recently become somewhat of a stoner because weed seems to be one of the only things that snaps me back into a (more) healthy perspective, but I can't function well stoned and I don't want to have to depend on cannabis. I start TMS next week, at my therapist's suggestion and after years of medication that always seems to work at first, but then stops being effective. 

And I've had thoughts in the past of ""Oh well I wish I could just sleep forever,"" or ""Life hurts so bad right now I don't see a future."" I've had thoughts of ""I'd rather be a ghost - watching the world but not participating."" The pressure of life, the pressure to succeed, to make something of myself, to move forward, to achieve, to not worry people, has always felt so damn intense and crushing. But I've never felt so hopeless I considered suicide, or had suicidal thoughts outside of a few seldom intrusive thoughts.

Until about a month ago.

The suicidal thoughts and feelings I'm having right now are really scaring me. My partner is scared for me, my mom is scared for me, I'm scared for me. 

I'm not in crisis in the sense that I don't have a plan, I've not written any note, I'm trying to fight the part of me that wants to daydream about it and consider how I'd do it. I'm trying to ignore the part of me that is telling me it's hopeless, that my whole life is going to be like this.

I'm trying so hard not to indulge the negative intrusive thoughts. I've had intrusive thoughts of self-harm, of impulsive suicide. Mostly, these thoughts are painful - how could I think that? I have family, friends who love me, etc. etc. 

So the shitty thoughts cause shame and guilt, as well as being distressing emotionally. 

I can slowly feel my thoughts going from a knee-jerk negative reaction to thoughts of suicide, to being more... open to the idea? More hopeless, more in pain, more desperate for relief. 

The negative part of my brain imagines my future being a series of feeling better, committing to jobs and projects, and then crashing and letting people down over and over again because my anxiety and depression make me feel useless and too scared to do anything. A future of being unable to be independent, of failing to live up to my potential. It makes me feel so ashamed and guilty, and I end up feeling like I'd rather just die. 

I've had to call out twice in three weeks of work at my new job thanks to depression and anxiety. Anxiety so bad it made me throw up twice at work. Anxiety so bad that getting up in the morning is excruciating, because I feel so much pressure to get out of my depression and feel good so I can do good work. 

I just feel like I'll never be stable enough to keep a job, that I'll never be able to achieve what I want. I feel like I can't even figure out what I want. I feel numb and in excruciating pain at the same time. Physical pain as well as mental - fatigue, aches, headaches. 

I'm used to depression, but my whole life it's been more of a symptom of my anxiety. Now it feels like it has come back on steroids. 

I know my negative/suicidal thoughts are not rational, and that I shouldn't feed them. But even when I try not to exacerbate them cognitively, they keep coming. I finally understand first hand what people mean when they refer to suicidality as ""my brain trying to kill me."" 

It sucks and I just needed to vent/rant about it. I've talked to my loved ones and my therapist, I've got a plan to help myself and in case I get much worse. It's just scary. 

TL;DR 
For the first time, I'm seriously feeling suicidal, and it sucks balls, and I'm not sure how i'm going to go to work tomorrow and act like my brain isn't constantly screaming. 

Thanks for reading. ",5.20190781049936,5.801822083226638,5.80704967989757,81.24984212548019,68.24455825864277,9.269766965428936,31.75316261203585,9.334730878484477,2.6824514519846345,3121,126,623,59,50,1013,300,781,0.29100000000000004,0.591,0.118,-0.9996,3,0,2,0,1,7,105.0,0,0,4,16,39,64,5,13,31,0,51,21,5,12,6,133,128,61,10,11,23,1,17,6,2,1,13,1,0,1,30,36,1,5,39,2,0,12,23,41,5,8,25,20,67,23,109,88,23,83,1,12,2,2,17,33,3,7,46,408,97,14,0.04153843868133682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036821319605031336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912661711563231,0.0,0.0,0.02824756271706569,0.0,0.1906607513730974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034182595730388635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638809906622939,0.1040485837115202,0.07596434002288252,0.04587594201415381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03673737342822789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911190546452007,0.04241539016950858,0.0,0.0,0.04267141881527737,0.0,0.07156337371849847,0.0,0.04488829541383328,0.0,0.06633012654705887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888498184682478,0.0,0.04311034127752564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672515259550722,0.03679072740986399,0.042920311082394906,0.09265267864013896,0.05487149398135503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915874316239287,0.0,0.27304007494032795,0.11870027557487807,0.07976683046227594,0.04550332919256228,0.0,0.1059977241672716,0.0,0.0,0.03209249468464853,0.0,0.06510635932549992,0.0,0.11803625978149385,0.06968094317606124,0.033222084022054045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03721028207762616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568467971078333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04446775772679434,0.04689184119509556,0.0,0.0,0.12366147271497505,0.11076381862782647,0.04595612796919489,0.04325589177945032,0.02282843957524281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247586786699125,0.1466991383910136,0.12176149771271252,0.0,0.03667920237509552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498012535766069,0.03930467503771064,0.08318169111316452,0.0,0.0,0.0452475371345502,0.04613984120427951,0.04184560690605798,0.041860976245742434,0.0,0.041941981790351086,0.04864931734835184,0.033155585455621826,0.044148786553203166,0.06107106380958821,0.030800225950565863,0.09611101402369156,0.08023616584165996,0.044176600780914135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056295042147432924,0.03159185441089121,0.17679930973850638,0.0,0.0,0.13494624360176505,0.03965313989364328,0.08639256961334156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041549679572769706,0.0,0.02661058747177589,0.0,0.04101419696323864,0.0,0.0,0.07094719934337729,0.0,0.0,0.20793611779617652,0.0,0.033100757629239766,0.07563006900167461,0.04333365074149274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156843724497678,0.0,0.0,0.03197831948139452,0.0,0.0,0.02940112069582077,0.0,0.0,0.03472799470575807,0.0,0.04342499507169765,0.0,0.3634904796477696,0.0,0.039149486869930604,0.04317434257401654,0.0,0.033387023563966604,0.036306426288285336,0.07648602694506634,0.04750282474293596,0.09645865776782743,0.02759629291915468,0.026616154258358997,0.0,0.3957225650922672,0.048442795276725376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921123925940845,0.0,0.0,0.04324297959899199,0.0,0.03587587415038989,0.0,0.0,0.09800178943235374,0.0,0.06663925990034361,0.0,0.18674022470230786,0.0,0.0,0.13912855009364195,0.04776715449907819,0.0,0.0,0.151202390402151,0.04218430080469383,0.04233121774437916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053498785239145384
suicidewatch,throwaway_kaur2,2018/03/01,"friends... One of the main reasons I’m still here is because of my friends. But they all live in other countries and I know they don’t need me as much as I need them. 

One is an amazing singer. She’s also really pretty. But she doesn’t believe it. She’s very sweet too, and good hearted. When she gives hugs it’s like being wrapped in a kumbl straight out of the dryer. I like listening to her talk but she prefers listening. She’s the first person who really tried to understand my life growing up. And she says that she’d miss me if I was gone, and that it’d make an impact. I know she wouldn’t lie but I also don’t believe her. I see her life play out online and listen to her talk about it and I feel like it would just move on perfectly without me. But I know that even though she has no culpability, she’d find a way to blame herself. 

One I haven’t talked to in a while. Skinny. Sometimes I wonder if he eats. We like to watch movies and crack jokes a lot. He’s indecisive. And vegan. Very gay and adorable. Sometimes I want to pinch his cheeks like an auntie does. I wonder what he’ll end doing with his life. I feel like I’m slowly slipping out of his life and he would eventually forget the last time I’d texted him. 

And the last, I have a very casual, humorous friendship with. He has said that he doesn’t like me but that he misses me when we don’t talk. He also has lots of friends where he is. He’s into men, coding, books, and languages. Watches a lot of obscure TV. Snarky. And we did not talk for a few months so obviously he will be fine without me. He thinks I would not actually kill myself.

All of them know about my life, and that I want to die. And that I don’t have any other options. I’m confident they would be fine. Their lives would keep going on without me like they are now. I just want to make my death easier on them, especially the first person, but I don’t know how. ",0.5254545454545436,2.7528133636363634,2.234424242424243,94.7166363636364,85.81818181818181,5.2371717171717185,18.64848484848485,6.640361216903883,-0.045382424242424335,1476,39,333,17,45,483,180,396,0.061,0.722,0.218,0.9959,0,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,3,0,8,3,18,27,1,1,16,0,33,11,3,4,4,80,66,35,3,14,16,0,2,8,3,8,5,5,0,3,16,24,2,1,14,5,0,4,15,4,0,5,4,11,63,23,37,48,8,30,0,2,3,2,61,13,0,10,20,219,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.07696766220301425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922165012242045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363564207585462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048079618913272455,0.0,0.0,0.1777233952287729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185664928650166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690213896771923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070571246987977,0.0,0.0,0.0698571521667474,0.0,0.0,0.052094190228548866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976007252812757,0.11269229771801027,0.0,0.0,0.07208754879171632,0.13417690937883314,0.0,0.0,0.18280885775541494,0.0,0.0,0.07566117746984267,0.04482475635172567,0.06615406371752659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346366044110856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010502806185832,0.08726014543756565,0.0,0.21672985143392015,0.1285823597267976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785480134476541,0.3082628721093637,0.0,0.1392907834154423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116237711867488,0.0,0.0,0.10529530061283443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295485143710383,0.08382841866283629,0.057979970741047576,0.11696512803506083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603370578291001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773591839567978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024114524473698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010548031602109,0.08109351800342485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502530194905632,0.06272215370803202,0.0,0.0,0.06285074597140114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560127838814044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298725458936258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31697149658387497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053797163089796,0.0774913069505229,0.0,0.04599087812709962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053548888182167166,0.0,0.0,0.0821084990339283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523289831314888,0.13956218860640046,0.06260489607766281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808928439923826,0.17106656713730228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28014191142531114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cozyaesthetics,2018/03/01,"Trapped in existence Does anyone else feel trapped in existence, completely alone, afraid and directionless. I've talked to some people about it (not professionals) and mostly it seems like they dont want to deal with it, and I dont blame them. 

Suicide might be a possible exit, but my religious upbringing and cowardice have prevented me from leaving. I read a book recently that said you can postpone suffering, but you can't avoid it forever. So then I wonder is death the end of suffering or would i be punished afterwards for being a coward and choosing death. Anyway, it seems like a real possibility to me. Better the life and suffering you know and have endured so far than to try to escape and end up somewhere worse.

Thoughts?

",7.718208955223884,8.36556690298508,7.585783582089558,70.50986940298509,62.80597014925373,11.476119402985075,36.89925373134328,11.20814326018867,4.4335104477611935,591,27,99,16,8,189,93,134,0.273,0.616,0.111,-0.9843,0,4,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,3,2,1,4,9,1,2,6,0,12,1,0,0,0,28,20,14,3,2,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,7,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,2,12,3,14,13,2,10,0,3,0,0,8,5,0,7,7,68,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591789043974814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201489257011436,0.16414284644506089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168303116420916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796564400958688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515817443297015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019125820085315,0.0,0.37550416017015104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338257404202019,0.0,0.28377759713003664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100144733542232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804120202246618,0.0,0.0,0.16962765091353338,0.0,0.0,0.11315331857909153,0.1565303165429483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699458638616267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106184239324757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612006912435122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024239068894158,0.18234157790734065,0.0,0.0,0.1581772240160355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238597087552844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29167837608886016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752317468219465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876191895795652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718014220560322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876463143707872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448954355310196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372902367832102,0.0,0.0,0.1632565064732529,0.11380080065378342,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ventthrowawayyyyyy,2018/03/01,"I just wrote my suicide letters to my loved ones. I’m going to clean my room and do my laundry, bathe and leave my letters on my bed. I don’t know how I’m gunna do it but it won’t be in my house. I can’t let them find my body, I’ve been a burden enough. ",-1.444535519125683,-0.10756526229507912,1.5290983606557411,102.20763661202187,86.8688524590164,4.066666666666666,16.724043715846992,3.1291,-1.2193956284153007,193,4,54,0,6,68,40,61,0.133,0.7929999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.5267,0,0,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,1,0,8,14,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,12,1,4,9,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560923509669613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33124506020505684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29300451013993395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821931248477754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699065279920141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618250312706882,0.0,0.0,0.33944816121302873,0.0,0.32781499141171816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893361617370546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172334514255357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506627246472767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,banredacted,2018/03/01,im so sad and it hurts so much i just want to end it all :((((      ,-7.06625,-7.763015124999999,-2.2299999999999978,118.175,137.75,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-3.4762,42,0,16,0,4,16,13,16,0.324,0.598,0.078,-0.7122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436539946351831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362301790932372,0.0,0.5410643815242501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682235079766276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954473071345326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,demoncupcakes,2018/03/01,"My dad admitted he doesn't love or care about me ...at the end of an argument that started over me giving a tip to a cashier. 

He said, ""I don't care about you! Go move out as soon as possible!""

My mom just keeps trying to tell me why I'm wrong and dumb and stupid.

I've cried enough over the past hour to give myself a headache. 

If I was dead, I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore...",0.361071428571428,2.0308365357142897,1.850238095238094,100.49892857142858,82.45238095238095,5.628571428571429,18.833333333333336,6.6274283507984215,-0.3060666666666667,295,7,76,3,8,95,63,84,0.298,0.662,0.04,-0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,4,6,2,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,16,6,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,11,3,14,13,1,11,0,0,0,1,13,4,1,2,5,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976931740925816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064838291902341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896724499830766,0.0,0.20551230303878065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655737518664066,0.20597302636832374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824530054050727,0.11329035151548278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631119416862555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718385817450075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991345994377533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23346632100957024,0.0,0.21186843588797705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029398955708784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472755639104208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896193871901906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109491883022607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423323155465184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533977335690411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987467155083864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794860485180811,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perpetually-stressed,2018/03/01,"It's starting to get bad again I don't wanna live anymore, and all I think about it suicide. From the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep, all I think about are ways I could kill myself: casually stepping in front of a bus, overdosing on my prescription sleeping pills, drinking myself to death, cutting my veins vertically so deep that they can't stitch them back up-- it doesn't matter. I was 9 months clean from cutting but just relapsed two weeks ago and now it feels like I'm addicted again: my forearms, thighs, ankles, wrists, and legs are littered with scars, just like before, but honestly cutting is the only thing that brings me relieve nowadays. I'm tired of my meds not working, I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night, I'm tired of nobody noticing/caring enough to say anything, I'm tired of putting on a fake smile in public, I'm tired of my anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder ruining my life... but really, I'm just tired of living. I'm drowning in my own self-destruction. Life doesn't seem worth living anymore.",7.319647218453188,7.064744293532343,6.976164631388514,77.59265943012214,63.77611940298507,9.697150610583448,34.19312528267752,9.095868883498916,2.9111950248756213,837,32,153,12,11,263,123,201,0.27,0.643,0.08800000000000001,-0.9905,0,0,1,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,2,1,10,13,4,0,5,0,9,21,9,0,2,21,24,8,4,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,11,1,1,0,7,5,1,0,4,2,1,5,5,8,0,1,1,2,20,5,25,22,4,23,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,1,11,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276922476768113,0.0,0.0,0.0916968611796453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913437395599146,0.0,0.20517729600318266,0.0,0.0,0.08512559487469011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954204786264878,0.08637141597020402,0.0,0.0,0.08802322175771808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259161365285331,0.0,0.11362837247223165,0.0,0.0,0.08909616235095658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855578161522808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133573473746883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068853004000373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715602830330088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230439262413303,0.07390041155591802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404521852214039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444545529458608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613110744000887,0.10107502277261016,0.0,0.2740288314851437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490296000096588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825680108552816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707518294725546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867382047674418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039897876066476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626887280201715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226281771795535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417152905766492,0.10791464833614868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070374044381938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321819293522246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315094220519804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872359459205214,0.1325654717617062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7133619384469116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104975328899088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210902926359194,0.08297653410771766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530846124722841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ijustcanttbh,2018/03/01,"I can help other people, but I can't even help myself. I'm a failure. Hi,

This will be short. I'm a 22M for reference

I have a few friends. One of them doesn't know this, but she is the reason I haven't ended it all. I love her, but not in a romantic way. In a bonding sort of way. She opens up to me about her feelings and insecurities, and I am always there for her. I'd drop everything for her at any time because SHE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM WANTED, AND THAT I MATTER. I haven't told her this and I'll take it to my grave.

I don't want her to know my thoughts. The last time I did I pushed her away and she left me for 2 years. I attempted to end it all but I couldn't. Something stopped me.

Even now, we haven't spoken for months and I feel scared to even text her. 

I'm sorry if this is too small a reason to be feeling this way. ",-1.5795035460992892,0.313507255319152,1.0852127659574506,101.2341666666667,93.46808510638296,4.197163120567376,15.28014184397163,5.7366,-0.9721283687943264,636,14,166,5,24,217,100,188,0.127,0.735,0.138,0.4548,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,1,8,6,0,2,8,0,17,1,0,3,2,33,33,11,1,4,6,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,10,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,3,4,36,3,19,26,3,23,0,1,0,1,20,9,0,2,10,112,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820108231035687,0.0,0.0,0.10477492647730248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475665954077865,0.0,0.0,0.0939214735151388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27292590146803297,0.0,0.0,0.3052912992094826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847088179805153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116157618898319,0.11006978523035303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903642111486774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206543774450482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693489878787014,0.12559006255206293,0.0,0.0,0.16740077024687586,0.0,0.0,0.0752722874913632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905690201125948,0.0,0.10284492692855866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229796022835614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044038553186481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681482174925827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31682541898457395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425395579993065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118612926222714,0.0,0.17247211444257768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881193072992758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584372479390645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231675548507527,0.1796824159419429,0.0,0.0,0.14722335849384616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175249994604809,0.366887938493189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921796344344437
suicidewatch,justtryingtogetby-,2018/03/01,Nobody cares at all about how you are doing? I’m sick of the small talk and “hey how’s it going”. If i told you you wouldn’t listen. People don’t actually care about you when they ask. Its a dumb conversation starter.,0.11333333333333327,2.46699577777778,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,91.22222222222223,4.777777777777779,14.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.6576666666666666,170,3,38,2,6,56,38,45,0.138,0.732,0.13,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,1,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,6,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,4,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,11,2,1,1,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.3377685317782041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235805931087534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7057959741539166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967110823803243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399598212407717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27820254364561603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33073772167667065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lisa4444,2018/03/01,"A person just told me to kill myself after i told him i have self harm problems I was just trying to watch some football on a site when some idiot started attacking me,i asked whats his problem and he went a bit crazy,after he got to rant i asked again for him to stop,he said go kill yourself which is normal these days, but i said to him that i have problems with self harm and suicide,his reply was for me to jump off the nearest cliff to me because nobody wants me to be alive and that if i died in my suicide attempts the world would be a way better place ? this is the site http://www.eplsite. info/ and his name is rtclomax ? i wont go there again because of that evil person",5.353989361702126,4.955661234042559,5.510700354609932,86.94562500000002,67.86524822695036,7.6173758865248224,28.26329787234043,5.985473137389443,1.0823255319148934,538,15,114,2,8,170,84,141,0.274,0.6809999999999999,0.046,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,5,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,19,23,7,4,7,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,10,0,0,8,3,19,1,16,11,3,19,0,0,1,0,18,8,0,3,6,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734944727456371,0.16640875548326595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833557821957152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936821534850096,0.1596942481650338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433517535451184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181019745557053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662627330086781,0.0,0.1169893576765267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32366289175882745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433182930538935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554431087838402,0.15282608219103433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198958214360648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782817523640859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051931337396419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353408964021528,0.0,0.0,0.1222923219182582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000094134407633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27954376972370826,0.0,0.0993110194384856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627669466212809,0.11610616508343576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559824871401735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390945453974368,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaymnbvvbnm,2018/03/01,"I really just need a hug. I haven't had real, meaningful physical contact in so long. I'm so lonely. I'm surrounded by friends, but none of them close (that is, those who are emotionally close are physically far, and those who are physically close are emotionally distant).

I just need a hug. It really hurts that I can't have one.",3.0377083333333315,5.3122831875,5.16375,77.03958333333338,76.5,9.891666666666666,26.291666666666664,10.125756701596842,3.050341666666668,260,10,51,9,6,90,40,64,0.126,0.7390000000000001,0.135,0.1497,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,11,13,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,5,3,3,12,1,7,0,2,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6196190968750659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127882036588768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29484196789316497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437373398918603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084397188008888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663118917930585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134873656086005,0.35288120553216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pretty_boy_game,2018/03/01,"I have no reason to live Title. I have no reason to go on.

Every night I hold my dad's gun to my head and tell myself to pull the trigger, but I can never go through with it",0.7796666666666674,1.3836583000000042,3.4750000000000014,93.89666666666668,78.5,5.333333333333334,18.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.6949166666666668,132,2,33,0,3,47,29,40,0.133,0.867,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,1,8,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624911662609631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35411784548055963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31973635035173154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751010609591231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402836868096413,0.0,0.0,0.29236506622521696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6406428994835183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27230516872752697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CXNVVS,2018/03/01,"Things that stop me from doing it are slowly disappearing I'm a weird person. I used to think maybe if I did it my family would be angry at me but that's gone, I used to get scared I'd leave without even making a slight imprint on anyones life and I'd just be another piece in the machine that can be replaced, but now I don't care, I used to worry my girlfriend would hate herself and blame herself, but shes gone.

Everyone thinks I'm just upset over my girlfriend leaving me but this has been going on for longer, its just now shes left, theres nothing holding me back.

I'm not scared to die.",2.5295999999999985,3.9404533599999993,3.8226000000000013,89.92030000000004,75.4,6.28,24.5,6.742157984588678,0.74844,470,15,101,4,10,154,81,125,0.247,0.721,0.032,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,3,3,0,14,1,0,4,0,22,29,7,1,3,10,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,4,0,16,1,12,20,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,4,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751846449785075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837359723672584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017586208437587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726054895480709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569939922256164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181642549411333,0.0,0.0,0.16176671007637705,0.0,0.0,0.15959436747789796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844860173585957,0.0,0.09621310950232874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671417821363439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585136720437786,0.18393733266328446,0.0,0.11957664782025546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300438766973067,0.0,0.1700775663855416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244119301537074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782011189333746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389836395705466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153652291281993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247074235510672,0.216952228826202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43864437265036105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319240439378965,0.0,0.0,0.17192525246540874,0.0,0.2405217705025405,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bwsimba,2018/03/01,"A message for those who have been called “dramatic” I live with an abusive stepmom that I cannot escape from for several more years; if you’d like to read about that you can check out mine or others’ posts on r/raisedbynarcissists or r/RBNathome It’s not really something I’d like advice or comments on unless you’ve been abused and can relate. It’s been a quite the day with the abuse as usual. I’m fuckin exhausted. The bullying at school was especially shitty today. My grades are going down because I️ can’t sleep. I’m also sick so thats great. I just don’t have anyone right now and I know I won’t kill myself tonight but I don’t know what else to do. *sigh* *teenage angst* because I’m just dramatic, right? People have it worse than me so i shouldn’t be sad right? Well, no. How does that work? We find the saddest person in the world and finally they are granted the right to be sad? No! We all have the right to be sad. I don’t care if you’re on here because your family died in a fire this morning and you lost 3 limbs or because you broke your toenail last week. You all have struggles that deserve to be recognized.


AND YOU ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. I don’t know how to say “don’t kill yourself.” You can try calling someone who does know how.

1-800-273-8255

You all know the number. Why call it? How can they help you? Well. You don’t know unless you try. And if they don’t help, well, it doesn’t work for everybody. 

I love you ❤️ 

Bw",0.19693827592236346,2.5182496179401994,1.8473832837908724,95.92602858891416,89.36544850498339,4.895995803462143,18.552281867459346,6.4704718818221325,-0.07368970099667793,1129,32,252,13,38,366,158,301,0.22,0.6579999999999999,0.122,-0.9876,0,0,1,0,2,1,39.0,2,14,3,4,15,20,3,1,12,0,34,6,2,4,4,40,47,24,3,4,13,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,16,11,0,0,7,1,1,1,15,10,4,0,5,2,33,9,26,34,5,25,0,5,0,2,31,14,1,7,11,156,49,5,0.0,0.339770124509096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934079482027603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644206624806914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683768192448213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330793804053068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928195509775501,0.0,0.0974588174908841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061646656381106085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920574210544277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730023141086345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985190242373354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011230392107412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471249837146952,0.0873661313623282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054325131279248484,0.0,0.0,0.10538662745759213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175570553812616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814187526490445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115089625538845,0.0,0.31519754500554586,0.07791736242292943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933993977817498,0.0,0.08440637173415394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434610853507006,0.0,0.08627232769256324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626901053518787,0.08346416643071275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154733275227522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167010582361076,0.09561433925388213,0.0,0.061236422625482075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081601625380649,0.0,0.07601578930110267,0.0,0.09674063654072704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798776479445972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565750450695898,0.0,0.08099180183773913,0.07358867551091595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992982505705236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060669426318213,0.0,0.0,0.12979659532458498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527719689143178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667530615464553,0.0,0.2578365471978405,0.0,0.08625372783379143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917909163741338,0.0,0.09741281896897236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061555841755258627
suicidewatch,Azzazail,2018/03/01,"Just done I don’t want to post in the thread about what exactly is going on in case someone I know in real life find this, but I’m pretty much just...done. No matter what I do or try I just make everything worse, everyone hates me and doesn’t give a shit about me at all. I’ve pretty much have had no one outside of work talk to me in a month, I’ve tried to reach out to people and everyone just ignores me. All of this just makes my depression even worse, I’ve tried before to end it and at this point I just don’t see the point in continuing to try and do anything. Nothing ever goes my way and I don’t see any point to even trying anymore",4.233830935251799,3.689175215827341,5.363228417266188,87.55764838129498,70.22302158273382,8.676618705035972,26.008093525179852,8.07648339933343,1.209092805755395,501,12,118,6,8,167,77,139,0.2,0.72,0.08,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,2,0,4,0,10,2,1,2,4,25,20,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,2,12,0,20,18,4,19,0,1,2,0,2,12,1,1,4,74,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832449419770677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288084525213235,0.0,0.0,0.10688215859512894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052036654559562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186753136504247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291480195717587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503726612415847,0.0,0.0,0.1715722167012907,0.11748607780187525,0.0,0.2482164218148809,0.11672993727724375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871017179166307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459504485796352,0.07381516803140703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823199247254796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713799770621656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173978886183798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339503748032456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367090231920877,0.0,0.19095703495292848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462567751603115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801168393382551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004411094352067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683425838876172,0.0,0.12439144813475378,0.264274213686597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783462003601194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699893328476052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332242972932098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004894642754076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439456312004937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409081611114573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660801189099878,0.10309461332707386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945559430207822,0.0,0.2647225485253241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,creepylynx,2018/03/01,Please help. I really need help and nobody will give it to me. I don't know what to do. I dont know what else there is to do. My parents wont help me for shit. All they fucking do is bitch and complain about how lazy and how much of a fuckup I am. I can feel it coming. I can't live in this house anymore. I tried getting help before. I really don't know what to do next. I need my parents and they won't be there for me.,-1.3173011363636355,0.4697386145833349,1.3344696969696983,101.0393181818182,89.9375,4.324242424242423,14.977272727272727,5.565023196281405,-1.0633000000000004,321,6,84,2,11,110,52,96,0.131,0.7340000000000001,0.135,-0.14400000000000002,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,3,0,1,0,16,2,1,2,1,14,26,6,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,1,16,0,9,22,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,3,0,1,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529853874957274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040984017957065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226318899066352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716154014667448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766039600816036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937522597093031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341187946859087,0.09234986538847452,0.16956441034351194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739143206992712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395744222204204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29142821212538583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608242130212266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299390239381144,0.26213077339331164,0.0,0.0,0.18798638924231414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39254238254102775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402952789643269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264741137166505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814417195193273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200085162932994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyboi96,2018/03/01,"idk if i can do this anymore The world is horrible, everyone is sadistic, and I don't wanna live knowing that. All my life I've been told by people what I'm supposed to be, with no one taking the time to understand my complexities and multifaceted nature. Today I realized the one thing I valued is gone, and now I have nothing. I'm too weird for this world and I can never fit in knowing exactly what it is.",2.7711015490533555,4.514871445783137,4.957177280550777,80.64096385542172,75.50602409638554,8.11635111876076,27.5197934595525,8.841846274778883,2.2888395869191056,322,13,63,7,7,112,57,83,0.114,0.831,0.055,-0.5848,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,3,15,19,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,0,8,0,7,15,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280973999178502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707212117448565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114068560540508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011493699169208,0.0,0.0,0.25017380308783715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851127560015768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718499782163969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839654048359524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641610048909985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130188705792561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822300114678808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520422394480086,0.0,0.2685510681637925,0.2707212117448565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949426367699581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImActuallyQuiteComfy,2018/03/01,"A bit worried for the future Hey all,

Is anyone else kind of to the point where they think of suicide a lot? Where you planned how you'd do it (multiple ways), etc? But don't show any outward sense of sadness?

I am a bit worried because this is me. I'm pretty sure no one thinks I'm depressed because I come off as a generally happy guy (make a lot of dumb jokes, have a good time with people), but damn do I want to kill myself. I don't think I REALLY want to, but it consumes my thoughts at times. I've had to mentally stop myself from throwing myself in front of a train a few times last year. That sucked pretty bad at the time, cause if I just stayed on auto pilot I might not be here now and my gf would need to pay to clean the train I guess.

I know I am not in anywhere near a bad situation as a lot of people here, but I don't know where else to talk about it. I do not want to tell my friends cause I don't want to throw a pity party, and I scared my gf to death when I told her my thoughts before (didn't tell her about the plans or the train thing though). Never want to go through that again. And I can't imagine how bad it'd mess up my parents.

Overall I'm a bit worried what'll happen going forward. But I don't know what to do about it. I really don't know what to do. I just needed to post this because damn is it hard to keep this inside. Oh well, I guess it is just life.

Regards,

CG",2.463851540616247,2.9018964869281088,3.859523809523811,93.34500000000004,74.32679738562092,6.612885154061624,23.394957983193283,6.18269132825596,0.2746761904761903,1079,27,263,6,21,357,153,306,0.215,0.6779999999999999,0.107,-0.9908,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,2,1,2,18,20,5,1,18,0,26,1,0,5,3,53,55,16,3,9,13,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,15,5,0,2,10,2,1,7,13,13,1,1,5,1,35,7,38,45,9,35,0,3,0,0,15,14,4,8,13,167,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061989566683474336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373876567484453,0.0934006379572698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283356862646998,0.1667045248675443,0.0,0.07756749352591373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985579661693109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728573425062384,0.0,0.07852327954186905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851298621361373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229916869431692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166362773478314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042730940079213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361271406077463,0.0764577729562881,0.0,0.0,0.20083839101896497,0.09025929688126012,0.08060941894080859,0.09703782184877677,0.08165834643030426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102411276705429,0.10085119512061803,0.094925499051832,0.20038898102514655,0.07430473892090347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438655336592253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249406752637655,0.0,0.0,0.060847692002685624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186434257752996,0.09670267359587928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351828247663424,0.07030553600338915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177002426901411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012185395584696,0.0,0.0,0.12639292124998006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861723857904924,0.0,0.08730275830103155,0.185477925923672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679441536890472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912635894936272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246375967826436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971607328335168,0.0,0.07621094128221338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971044914841654,0.0,0.08591395127627012,0.0,0.0,0.07326816633035971,0.15934965122329678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056034841884341,0.1752282721644569,0.08956082846562023,0.1447362059908651,0.2126164241650654,0.0,0.0,0.08710397139430462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688324175950255,0.07235581098534696,0.0,0.0,0.08196066844858878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777216449348889,0.0,0.06475498391377682,0.0,0.0,0.05870181700779624
suicidewatch,Stella_Snow,2018/03/02,"How do you convince yourself to not end it? Ive been living with depression for about 8 years now. Since I was 14. I've been suicidal off and on but these last few weeks have just been really hard, and I've just been thinking about how many people live to be grandparents while being depressed the whole time.

So my question to you is, what mindset do you have to put yourself in to make the bad thoughts go away, or what's your reason for staying? ",4.648333333333333,5.4194562777777815,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,69.55555555555556,7.777777777777778,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.5336666666666674,355,12,74,4,6,110,67,90,0.174,0.8109999999999999,0.016,-0.9451,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,13,0,0,4,0,15,17,8,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,1,7,1,14,9,2,14,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,53,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750182089316795,0.0,0.17551888564217374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621119083245974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618612324934525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946876378245652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883093554489038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135146748210092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712434613220635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403186589304593,0.21312275857042268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573506918978596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132189896228706,0.2354864162604081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466768578838126,0.21613374249309386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738901788777822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405884731499728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993865577090475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346958575176683,0.0,0.16688546150957145,0.12257675896776367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862000741148694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23469505496732346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353701343175291
suicidewatch,icantsaythatonreddit,2018/03/02,"Desperately want love but I'm asexual I've been single almost my entire adult life. The sole exception was a year where I had a married female boss twice my age force me into a sexual relationship where I was emotionally and sexually abused for a year. So far she's the only person who's ever claimed to love me and was willing to look past the fact that I'm asexual (though granted she just took what she wanted).

Recently I was dating a girl who I thought I was hitting it off with. Three dates, great conversation, having fun, last night we were cuddling on a couch and kissing. I felt attracted to her in a way I've never felt attracted to a woman before. Then this morning I get a text from her saying she doesn't feel a romantic spark and is not interested in going any further. I blame the fact that thanks to my asexuality I'm not able to escalate intimacy and flirting because I'm just not that interested and as a result can't really fake it well enough to keep girls interested.

I nearly left work to go purchase a shotgun and end things. I'm convinced I'll be alone forever. Dating just isn't working out, and it takes a lot of money, time, and emotional investment just to get predictably shot down every time when it reaches the point of requiring sexual advances. While I'm fine with sexual activities, I can't offer sex because I can't get hard thanks to lack of arousal.

I desperately want a relationship. I want to love someone, be loved by someone, cuddle, basically do everything couples do. I'd have sex if I could. But it's never going to happen. Asexuals are very rare and usually aren't my type (living very alternative lifestyles whereas I just want someone ""normal""). Friendships aren't a substitute; I'm 30 years old, people my age are usually coupled up. Pets aren't a substitute; a dog may love you, but it's more like a young child than a partner.

I just can't imagine going through my entire life alone, it's too painful. What's the point of living if you can't fulfill a basic, fundamental human need?",5.237548992030007,6.336263374683548,6.575808720112518,73.97428035630567,68.41772151898734,9.699953117674637,31.84481950304735,9.906371001090498,3.2315297702766053,1623,68,294,38,27,551,214,395,0.098,0.6890000000000001,0.213,0.9942,0,3,0,1,1,0,43.0,1,2,0,4,14,22,0,0,26,0,30,14,1,2,5,56,67,21,0,11,15,0,4,1,1,2,3,1,2,8,16,15,0,2,5,0,3,6,15,2,1,2,12,6,33,20,34,49,5,48,0,0,1,11,29,16,0,5,26,182,49,5,0.08843919541850677,0.10478598488667527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855907919632433,0.1831926691755197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060141685593819265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782342532837497,0.0,0.07525524144661842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061150117885022,0.1957125751803936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896438251109647,0.0783308769968737,0.09138133015443577,0.0,0.0,0.0799983154955313,0.07451383649131331,0.0,0.07948344624991366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471751450409422,0.0,0.16983099343928176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386174882389706,0.0,0.20104813135358246,0.0,0.0,0.09750452516669073,0.0,0.0,0.07820648843365739,0.0,0.07922414786667259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860882042354071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208974808825584,0.0,0.0,0.096089444591801,0.0,0.12493443836365095,0.043206923645170286,0.0,0.15618685967142534,0.0,0.07426665017101163,0.0,0.0,0.07518784132925771,0.3990991338096244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557654279384663,0.13641951922041687,0.0,0.0,0.08299419386486853,0.08665163409098554,0.0,0.0,0.09280205851775364,0.0,0.0,0.06726199333854949,0.09410553935219353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844252191305146,0.06131260256999925,0.07722169418065021,0.0,0.0,0.1672072514893929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056656413200119764,0.0,0.08732303609174208,0.18990119686907184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703303978861814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480272984619212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664952685610457,0.0,0.0,0.16284585792145145,0.0,0.0,0.05875507168255777,0.0,0.08689106046836173,0.07021084240830344,0.10313921211540236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098259200209974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480655831613794,0.14594319664417416,0.26081864419188705,0.07019891681750752,0.0,0.0,0.0795174578016266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876957514081347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085582676979555
suicidewatch,UnderstandNotAThing,2018/03/02,"I will finally be homeless soon. But honestly I'd rather be dead than homeless. I don't have anyone else to talk to or rely on. My family doesn't want to help me. My friends are tired of supporting me. I haven't been able to find a decent job since I got out of the military in 2016 because of a misdemeanor charge from years ago. I barely talk to anyone as it is. And now I'm about to lose everything else I have. I just don't see the point in continuing anymore. I don't see this turning into a success story. Given how little I interact with people, they can barely remember me enough to miss me. ",2.096766862170089,3.908468104838712,4.222492668621701,84.86737536656894,77.62903225806451,7.734897360703813,24.175953079178885,8.575989854853784,1.6858483870967749,471,16,97,10,11,162,83,124,0.122,0.774,0.104,-0.0721,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,5,0,14,1,0,1,0,12,23,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,16,4,20,17,1,13,0,2,2,0,6,7,0,1,6,66,18,2,0.17765507737704048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748050700075222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618609941469318,0.2484411215766417,0.1820286210785221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829688623423153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968160418937903,0.0,0.0,0.1835651851261185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596649282809663,0.0,0.16747739605408474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946124535549692,0.16237352222952048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372558720890279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208699447859474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907845355752016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762952516685737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805705919523238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875058917603053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231636617928976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794147131699394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124857088059475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28313619117819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695811584320204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160087649955027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285584843481877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418837732727865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323770924653053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478556752131707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440404518030588
suicidewatch,Throwaway18873,2018/03/02,"Trying to find a good way to make it look like an accident Ive made up my mind. I don't want to live a life of pain.

But I owe it to the people who care about me the doubt that it was an accident. That maybe it wasn't intentional and there was something to be done. Try and lessen their pain.",1.4463076923076947,2.3670410153846158,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,77.30769230769229,7.046153846153848,19.15384615384616,7.554174236665415,0.02167692307692315,226,4,59,3,5,75,46,65,0.223,0.6609999999999999,0.116,-0.7859,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,6,0,7,3,0,3,0,10,13,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,5,1,6,3,8,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427412139605247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436412967040457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760330498479385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996925009158116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816487545800268,0.11631519745683615,0.0,0.21023141536339995,0.0,0.1999295332859134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527963882842975,0.15892207320658042,0.0,0.2391861060732961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403956908539098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066736285797101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505658984400196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328771974826916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232850954710153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042736459898253,0.18897899183796946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Purplepanda211,2018/03/02,"Can't fight anymore I'm 18 and I have been suicidal for almost 6 months now and I need to get this off my chest, for I can't share this with anyone I know. I remember being depressed since childhood. I always felt sadness weighing me down, but I couldn't make any sense of it so I just ignored it and waited for it to go away. But in the past few months, it's gotten too much for me to handle. I was fighting it all until last year in March when I had a break up and then it all just exploded, all those years of buried sadness, it came pouring out and now I just don't know anymore. I have been taking anti depressants since 6 months and they haven't really helped much. I have a weird obsession. I don't think if anyone would understand this but let me try to explain. My relationship with my ex lasted 3 years and it was during that time only that my depression got worse than before, but I had a reason to push myself, I had him. I know how stupid and naive this sounds, but that's what kept me going. I knew I could make it through the day, for he would be there for me at the end of the day. So I fought, and I got better with time. But, last year, he left me for another girl, and then my life just went downhill. The sadness that I had suppressed for so many years just came bursting out and I couldn't take it anymore. I got into a few relationships after that but nothing felt the same anymore. The uncertainty always kept haunting me, what if this person leaves too and I'll have to go through it all over again? 
And how pathetic is that? To need love to function normally? And I know I'll get better if I find the right person, but it's just not worth it anymore. It's too late now. My final exams are 2 days away and because of my depression I haven't been able to study properly. I'll probably fail and even if I do manage to pass, no good college will accept a student with such low grades. It's just too much pressure. 
A romantic relationship is like a basic necessity for me and that just makes me a pathetic human being, who has low self esteem and no sense of self. I just want to fade away. It's getting harder to get out of the bed in the morning, I usually sleep in till afternoon and taking a shower seems like too much effort so I don't shower for days. This was not how I imagined my life would turn out to be. I just want to fade away. To be forgotten. ",2.5165243902439016,4.010480164634149,3.8610650406504057,89.2883048780488,75.60569105691056,6.871219512195122,23.072357723577234,7.554174236665415,0.8508079674796747,1859,53,402,24,40,611,212,492,0.189,0.743,0.068,-0.9961,2,0,0,0,3,1,47.0,0,0,1,4,31,26,4,2,19,0,39,6,2,7,4,98,81,43,1,15,24,1,2,2,0,4,2,1,3,6,33,30,1,5,16,0,1,8,13,18,0,0,23,3,53,8,59,45,11,68,0,10,0,1,22,22,0,6,39,281,86,6,0.07104646769613097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114277475667917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823270507408802,0.0,0.0,0.048314034320556566,0.07449841603502777,0.0,0.0,0.3522950259960041,0.09935468425157752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670019804288719,0.0,0.0,0.04330926727808942,0.0,0.060455311189803976,0.0,0.0,0.125669654294541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251646409883996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672482335166861,0.0,0.0,0.1832763765455125,0.0,0.24476887408507475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292608266994068,0.0,0.0,0.046925521858099416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643150112445346,0.0778279326372059,0.06493518435897802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847538814565006,0.0,0.12113203457460538,0.05959040632668588,0.17046705130480733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047620949701451885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618112248058813,0.17373706085422114,0.08014351012754793,0.07522795099009627,0.0771921950310052,0.07264982676475028,0.10036444245488886,0.06941943084125851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412221093505302,0.0,0.14227220661609125,0.07202996705983236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701258380766374,0.0,0.2089093138720073,0.10536011114031543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961045374881261,0.06817100188826755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403404015935492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782189249134349,0.0,0.12407007040450757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660010857643453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551418645491924,0.07304760156410811,0.0,0.2288319537220455,0.08048179821855474,0.060673295221191526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646780358718421,0.14823392093184978,0.0,0.0,0.11754074450435795,0.0,0.07109777660542647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771330435124611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025430559647394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552370776904908,0.0,0.0,0.08285553330834516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823588795305099,0.07727815534661579,0.0,0.07396187845992871,0.0,0.0,0.0782476467979362,0.0,0.08381009479536694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586078733841483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240242025189983,0.15140811668577167,0.0,0.0,0.2287579792318321
suicidewatch,pmc71891,2018/03/02,"Is it too rude to tell people who answer threads in this sub that they are wrong about something? Like, for example, when someone makes a positive assumption about the OP's personality or is wrong about anything in the post that has to do with trying to help (for example, facts about a successful or famous person's biography)?

For anybody who has answered to my post(s), I really, really appreciate your attention, but there was some corrections I'd like to discuss and try to create a conversation in a positive mood in order to... you know... save my life from myself.

What do you think? I'd appreciate to have the opinions from this sub's mod staff as well. I really want to hear everyone's honest opinion, don't hold anything back, I'd not get offended.",8.713772635814893,7.709331161971832,9.10734406438632,65.89852112676058,61.323943661971825,13.184708249496982,37.89134808853119,12.28987398476788,4.8120531187122735,603,25,106,18,7,202,92,142,0.038,0.7,0.262,0.9877,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,1,9,11,2,0,7,0,10,1,0,1,2,20,16,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,8,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,9,6,24,15,1,8,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,5,4,69,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026809492140408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141376976534664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573181331889964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960842509637808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727749108093185,0.0,0.12326954222902806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107093408308744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298995395414025,0.17969615295892996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275990498179533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749853357079066,0.3211624480185585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522657297571862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534481965016419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558245080494249,0.1415812329063914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607435499952138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784071196479386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24972268987747634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847360336538338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653552261365822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402148684814982,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aku_478,2018/03/02,"About to go to the worst place for my mental health Work. I have recently for the past year or so really struggled with work to the point where i no longer feel the will to live when i am at work, most other areas of my life are ok apart from the crippling financial problems i have atm. Its not that im actively seeking to end my life but when i am in that building i feel like i would love for the roof to just cave in on me. Ive tried to make this known to managers but its been extremely poorly recieved and i have no idea what to do anymore. i dont feel fit for work yet i have no choice but to go as the awful financial issues will only get worse if i were to leave. Ive looked for other work and applied a lot over the past couple of months but my stress an ddepression has made it so hard to keep going when i recieve no chances in terms of other jobs and whatnot. Thanks for reading please feel free to ask for any further information.",4.494393939393941,4.4703168737373735,5.0884343434343435,87.9693181818182,69.65656565656566,8.216161616161617,27.10606060606061,7.793537801064563,1.2997090909090907,743,21,166,8,12,239,119,198,0.163,0.727,0.11,-0.7834,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,5,9,9,0,2,10,2,17,4,0,2,0,26,32,15,0,3,8,0,5,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,7,1,3,3,6,4,0,0,3,6,19,6,33,26,4,27,0,0,1,1,3,13,0,4,12,112,29,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799112044029435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832227529275775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096422300525855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316998770772704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516466730093495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460306714007575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616982989864678,0.0924378002893606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760207434791198,0.0,0.2206096757044572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590997937431415,0.0,0.0,0.13753783824162216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606802319876105,0.13976575978745806,0.13505182030092389,0.12840177455869195,0.11500971609395805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700763741084884,0.0,0.0,0.18278704869433024,0.06321448401019697,0.0,0.11425566680452427,0.0,0.1086568441734242,0.0,0.0,0.11000460556975752,0.11678149557640195,0.12243401067025175,0.08637028587182513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039688554659298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327960476857542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840858463592547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24703895646964685,0.0,0.0,0.1351872899045354,0.142033759501093,0.12231743472954623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381084286215832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942719682269976,0.0,0.08289194471993902,0.0,0.1277591692034367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482183066927747,0.13526880211737632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912693630125057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784879768600866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709952457844518,0.0,0.13186168719185393,0.09191649326668774,0.0,0.0,0.08332432257143213
suicidewatch,BigBoss9925,2018/03/02,"Not afraid of the afterlife. Many people I know are but I’m not. Why should I be. People think heaven and hell are things of the afterlife. This isn’t true. Heaven and hell exist right here on earth. Look around you, look at 3rd world countries versus people like celebrities and higher class America. The sad part is most of us on this earth are in hell and some don’t even realize it. ",1.6941959064327463,4.292209618421055,2.298070175438596,93.62704678362572,84.39473684210526,5.4830409356725145,16.339181286549707,6.937597516519254,-0.0883520467836254,305,6,62,4,9,94,52,76,0.228,0.616,0.155,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,0,3,9,3,1,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,16,13,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,4,4,8,11,3,7,5,1,2,0,2,7,3,2,1,39,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301684720126812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077292026091262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209488418845234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631675107909318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342416062837836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621338524119532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799895103511549,0.0,0.5377477568490359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220804274443822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717722332029426,0.1656713917925894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110094315800223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333053729936108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PotatoPerson93,2018/03/02,"Teen and trans I'm sorry if I fuck this up. I've never actually posted anything here before, but I don't know what else to do at this point. I don't know where to even start. I'm 15 years old and trans as the title implies. I might as well cut to the chase. I hate myself in my entirety. I've stopped taking care of my body because I hate it, I've had suicidal thoughts, and I don't see a reason to keep going. I know that the amount of clarity probably makes it seem like it's not a problem, but it is. I don't know what to do anymore. I'd accept any help.",0.5774120234604112,2.011741975806455,3.0805571847507345,93.05447214076248,80.85483870967742,6.121994134897361,20.950146627565985,6.980632752743323,0.3026225806451617,431,12,104,5,11,150,76,124,0.182,0.645,0.173,-0.2876,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,4,0,5,0,9,2,1,2,1,21,27,8,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,8,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,2,1,12,4,12,24,1,12,0,0,1,1,1,5,1,3,6,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.16563584424072078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154249018658564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833046287801565,0.0,0.0,0.13967657306294504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346823641942617,0.0,0.14443108424882511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885361472228066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305506736407836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179092983948394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210766874772607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691629552035524,0.0,0.0,0.09646371149508458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33515425775495417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137690843529965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086732760463878,0.0,0.0,0.3731253452364049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292343110153634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132987251554088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006089100387168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130909280835173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810722116611266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045343927312694,0.0,0.16255819888157938,0.0,0.18300189871718106,0.16241246066403411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451476285609901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352559772787852,0.15451940721512725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000325319668807,0.1201385586803588,0.0,0.0,0.14190517677790287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566138503150115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761880170833198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347497915111709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526111992497659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930309453636892
suicidewatch,devilscums,2018/03/02,"I haven’t contemplated suicide this much in months. I’ve never been this unmotivated and drowned in self hatred. Every second feels painful and unnecessary. I can’t keep faking happiness with my friends, family and boyfriend. It’s so draining. ",5.198571428571427,8.676191238095235,5.386000000000003,71.40900000000002,77.09523809523809,8.121904761904762,32.20952380952381,8.841846274778883,3.5854323809523816,200,10,30,5,5,63,35,42,0.378,0.502,0.12,-0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,5,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,3,2,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724441198980482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048343287090225,0.0,0.16350015590079606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498265593771142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34422194129223105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28741656455995196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581022734413395,0.0,0.2377062596562164,0.0,0.24939459301128705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34407704734580924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373342264718125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35370254318441186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrownandneglected,2018/03/02,"Reaching the point of no return, but, I don't know why. Just going to kind of ramble on here, really need to get this out to someone. I just can't to anyone else.

So to this point, i've been on almost every medication, and lots of therapy (still going), and i've made no progress. Honestly I feel like it has gotten worse. The only thing that's come of therapy is the realization that i've been dealing with this for as long as i could remember. 

A few years ago I finally started receiving help. After many years of denying it for a long time, I planned to take my own life. Had the gun, was ready to go, but something just...stopped me. Didn't tell anyone, didn't read anything, just said nope and continued on. On a day to day basis I'm in a constant state of debilitating anxiety that can be set off by the simplest of things. This has been going on for so long that not only has it lead me into a deep depression, but i've come to accept it. But I have no idea why... like why am I this way? I have had a good life, loving parents, a good home, met the single most amazing women in the world and married her. I have a good job with great opportunities open to me, but I just can't be happy.

Every day is for me is like trying to climb a mountain when, just to have the energy and will to get out of bed in the morning. I don't feel anything anymore, I haven't for a while now. At this point i'd even say i'm numb to most things, just always putting a very convincing act on for others. Even with all that said, with everyone i've known or grown to care for, i've wanted to show them nothing but care and love. I never want anyone to ever go through what I go through, so I make sure that the friends I have always know they are cared for. I've been told I have the largest heart and I care too much. They all say they are glad to have me in their life, and happy to have me as a friend. But still.... None of that helps me. It's like I can't feel...anything anymore. Believe me when I say, I DO want happiness and to be normal, but no matter how hard I try or what I do I can't. 

The only thing keeping me around right now is my wife. Her happiness means the world to me, and I could never put her through anything like that. I have good friends, and good family, but to be frank, I could give less of a shit how they feel if I killed myself. The only thing, the one constant in my life, that keeps me grounded and sane is my wife. I love her more then anything or anyone in this world, I've never loved someone so much, let alone cared so much for someone. But if she wasn't here, i'd be gone in a heartbeat.

Gonna wrap this up because i'm just rambling too much. All in all, i'm just tired. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I just want it to get better. I hope it does, but quite honestly, I don't think it will. That whole ""it gets better"" bullshit, aint true for everyone. 

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suicidewatch,chewkok3,2018/03/02,"I'm about to hang myself Ok, this is it.

Goodbye,

the game of life, some win, some lose. I've lost.",-3.0513636363636394,-1.6698947727272715,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,110.36363636363636,2.2,10.045454545454547,3.1291,-2.3385818181818183,73,1,20,0,4,24,20,22,0.185,0.593,0.222,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117913156312207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6522297342876106,0.6364151837297892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hujinm,2018/03/02,"45 minutes I don’t know how to do things. I don’t know how to think. My memory is so garbage. I’m indifferent to whether I’m dead or alive. Whatever. I’m eating a decent cheese burger right now. In idk 40 minutes I’ll take 12g if caffeine, and every other pill I can find. If I survive the almost certain cardiac arrest then I’ll decide to live. Maybe.",0.06946666666666701,2.2865740800000007,2.764000000000003,90.08866666666668,88.2,4.933333333333334,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.4928666666666674,276,10,58,3,9,96,54,75,0.141,0.797,0.063,-0.6697,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,2,1,14,12,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338738826176057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461451682323773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850157175978151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091820385487705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37181997947702006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987076762165515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398479994292915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888895024653257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434466373228937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247383802344884,0.2167563380204225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ResponsibleWater,2018/03/02,"My last option is suicide. What now? I was diagnosed with OCD many years ago. I am not yet 30. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression years ago, after my child, but it never improved. I have a fear of insomnia. I'm not sure why, what, or how, but I'm terrified of not being able to fall asleep and dying that way. So in turn, I don't sleep well. I check the clock many times. Even if I'm asleep and wake up. I have to check the clock to ensure I am getting sleep. I'll question if I was sleeping. My brain will make me believe I've been awake, even if I haven't. Constantly doubting, ""Was that a dream? Did I fall asleep?"" Etc. I avoid caffeine and fear that my food/drinks have been contaminated with caffeine. I won't even kiss my husband if he's had caffeine. I won't do things in the evening to not mess with my schedule. I can't do anything. I'm a slave to this.

It all sounds crazy because I am crazy. I was a normal, happy person until this. And now all I can think about is dying my own way. Not letting insomnia kill me. I need an outsider to look at this. I've had 3 therapists. All have been unhelpful. ",0.17233990147783018,2.4243167758620707,2.0353940886699533,95.22758620689655,88.13793103448276,5.2108374384236456,20.354679802955662,6.7097532225279775,0.2587766009852217,860,28,194,11,28,283,121,232,0.132,0.748,0.12,-0.2437,0,1,1,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,1,4,8,0,31,13,8,2,5,34,41,14,4,6,12,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,11,8,0,1,2,1,2,2,11,7,1,0,11,2,28,4,19,25,5,24,0,1,1,1,5,4,0,8,16,129,39,0,0.12117528314228684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482915441484846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997169332228465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386732789522284,0.0,0.0,0.13652304871318413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352716910590099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309474327688142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436809381056993,0.24598072333949894,0.25152162558348073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870564556734385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351424719431562,0.32014052673666843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727117645382217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652563336747376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330908411647136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289933421501986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406249718510468,0.0,0.0,0.09877402881056226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390993688960154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175671906461407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088544243897076,0.2457054357870659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984993704356815,0.09345784857858086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872604953074654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580558329128864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574404938569495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637883834477578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254609221336114,0.0,0.11420627031103445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406938433123273,0.08050347375378132,0.07764422859409313,0.0,0.0,0.07065828206608124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180391170031033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923665990263696,0.0,0.0,0.10895113211139204,0.0,0.10934184542630468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606581891183416
suicidewatch,mdphdred,2018/03/02,"Help Me Vote! Can you guys help my friend and vote for Poster A? We're currently in 2nd place, redditors! Thanks!

http://psa.preventsuicidepa.org/2018psa/",7.08217391304348,10.489827652173917,2.621391304347828,84.46165217391305,98.56521739130434,7.057391304347826,17.643478260869568,7.554174236665415,1.2662939130434785,128,3,20,3,5,32,21,23,0.0,0.593,0.407,0.9077,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351645697662028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42954528099957867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5815544070732903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532445813942336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39939877790853184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ColdishPVP,2018/03/02,"Shit is pointless Im deadass just unable to deal with life right now... I'm in high school and massively underachieving. My family is incredibly smart, I got straight As until highschool, and I aced my standardized tests. My mom is dealing with horrible anxiety and always is worried about me. My dad just smokes and eats food and he's not a deadbeat but I just can't talk to him. Weed and going out and being with my friends always makes me better, but it's always a temporary feeling. I feel like I'm always avoiding my feelings. I am always running fucking away. A few months ago, I tried to kill myself after I got a shitty report card that got my dean and parents very upset. I haven't told anyone this. I can't deal with this shit. I just want to fucking disappear, and  I'm on the fucking edge honestly. I never thought I'd think about suicide, but I legit am having suicidal thoughts a lot. I really don't know where to go from here. I just want to sleep. I can't articulate this shit to anyone in my life because I choke up and get worried. Nobody sees me like this. They all think of me as some kid who just jokes and tiptoes around life. I always somehow get around situations that I should be getting in major trouble for. I just want to be left alone, but that feels horrible as well. I'm so conflicted. Nobody really knows about the shit I deal with, and sometimes I'm not even honest with myself. I'm failing my fucking potential so much and it pains me. I could've been a great athlete but I got out of shape and I'm just a shithead. I have a lot of friends, a supportive family, and I go to a pretty good school yet I'm still like this. It's fucking pathetic. I'm wasting my life.  I always feel like someone is trying to fucking get me and I'm so paranoid. Everytime I see a group of kids I don't know on the street I think I'm about to get jumped. I have this fucking narrative in my head where everyone is out to get me, and honestly even if it's true I have created it by being a fucking moron. I see teachers and I think I'm about to get expelled because they know I do drugs. I can't think straight. I just need a clear fucking mind. Everything is so cloudy. Death would just make this go away. I used to be scared of the dark, death, etc but that's all I think about now. And I can't even talk to anyone about it because it's so out of character. I'm a fucking burden to my mom and I make her life so much harder because I'm not doing what I could be. I don't know where to start. Idk. Someone just talk to me or something I don't even know. I just want to know where to go. What to do. How to fucking fix this. If I can't I don't even know. Thanks.

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suicidewatch,Pugwan,2018/03/02,"I can’t deal with my stuttering anymore. I’m 21 years old now, never had a true girlfriend, virgin, in a mediocre school with a lame major and I’m also epileptic. Today in class, my professor who is a huge fucking asshole called me out to read my notes and called me out when he said they needed to be typed and I should check my email more. HE NEVER SAID THAT. ONE. Imagine being 21 years old, having people think you can’t read, remember ur name when asked etc. 

I also completely embarrassed myself in front of a girl in my class that I was talking to but now.... I don’t think so. 

All my life I’ve been so fucking ashamed of myself and I can’t take it anymore. Please, I need advice. ",1.9199010989011,3.879237385714287,3.2757142857142867,90.75851648351649,78.71428571428571,5.736263736263738,22.1978021978022,6.67199483983844,0.5063296703296705,534,16,111,5,13,174,86,140,0.093,0.872,0.035,-0.7593,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,1,1,8,7,2,2,5,0,12,4,0,0,4,21,24,11,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,4,2,1,1,6,6,0,1,5,2,19,1,13,16,4,19,0,1,0,3,17,7,2,0,11,72,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436374542571247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350965630931749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915502358279964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741631241915755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001875512622721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541167843351405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154079216830066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639333070362027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717807708838069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382376526513927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798324545583625,0.2267363318974913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084836900334519,0.0,0.09960459389215187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019047324404421,0.0,0.0,0.1613514722350691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29406063499206264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651162746438405,0.0,0.2796433276293617,0.0,0.0,0.14876227369603198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051859270746964,0.11814542796317072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837120533148813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932984454777386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931417667342548
suicidewatch,krootawns,2018/03/02,"I’m 19 my name is Jacob please help. I’m 19 my name is Jacob, and I have depression. I’ve been depressed since I was 16 I’ve told my parents several time and they don’t listen. I used to just have really bad days until I started taking vyvanse for my ADD. Now I have good days but the bad days are even worse. I’ve broken down 3 times in the past week and idk what to do the vyvanse helps but also doesn’t. I’m scared to stop taking it bc when I wasn’t I came really close to committing suicide. Someone please help.",-0.39830357142857054,1.7627472053571474,1.9639285714285712,95.23107142857144,90.33928571428572,4.985714285714288,16.92857142857143,6.5431188927421005,-0.201596428571428,405,10,92,5,14,137,67,112,0.268,0.6,0.132,-0.967,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,12,0,0,1,1,14,22,8,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,1,12,1,8,17,0,16,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,0,12,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292611321907014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26992045741634285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486978424314834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31272767694688697,0.0,0.2784355984635843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675978153361636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355735324622362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32502582721983075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947887347510996,0.0,0.15430090362058488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548579988976799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709773318242916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182693707163334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260391725645708,0.0,0.13370788120940166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695459211864944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440757284268127,0.0,0.0,0.13513585502691502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680475498776915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430619696610145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885037882284826,0.0,0.0,0.1544511779092337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960255895072152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965553354424772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472201613382284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,queerferret,2018/03/02,"i feel worthless and alone. so many of us have died. so many that i have not known. i just can't do it anymore. i try to keep the act of being ok and  it seems like it worked for a while.

i have been on anti depps for a few years and everything feels wrong. i wanna die. my cPTSD is acting up and even though i can smoke weed and it will help a little i don't want to do it because i will still be so lonely and pathetic. 
i can not play this game any more. i want to do a lot of things in theory but when i get to doing them everything is stale.
i have sexual and romantic partners who love me and care for me but when i take another look at things i see how they are there because i am this way. this messed up way.
because i feel like i always have to serve people around me to find self worth then they will stick by and see how im doing all i can even while being considered a disabled person because of me mental state. 
and even if my gender dysphoria is no longer an issue i still have to live in a world with people who treat me as a teacher when i don't wanna teach and don't let me teach when i do. as if my experience is debatable.
im sick of this world. either i have set my expectations too high and now they are stuck there, or most people here are just a little too much ok with being immoral shits.

why do i have to be a burden on the people i love?
i can't live like this anymore.",1.9450753336203164,2.9111816105610586,3.6844597503228576,92.11100301334484,76.12871287128712,6.853723633232889,20.10460611278519,7.255503002510835,0.21936142918639728,1080,21,257,12,23,363,147,303,0.13699999999999998,0.73,0.132,0.1308,0,3,1,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,4,1,24,16,1,0,12,2,41,4,1,2,1,42,57,32,2,7,10,0,3,3,1,3,1,0,0,3,15,15,0,1,6,2,1,2,8,6,0,0,2,6,41,10,31,46,7,30,0,2,3,2,14,13,1,6,14,193,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993102524459904,0.0,0.0,0.08831858579747398,0.0,0.0,0.07218014986104454,0.11129906474257774,0.0,0.0,0.21052854003436264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944888180840102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588125331669479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821876817421243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220317124357964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103172244457468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078703914413228,0.10382717126992144,0.0,0.0,0.16100564191622846,0.07582781358306151,0.0,0.0,0.09701179800444362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055454775810710635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114469603532095,0.11214477306659593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930298958397324,0.11078459484945427,0.0,0.09434382130377507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853731130102387,0.0,0.155566751727205,0.2127641899089468,0.1874505316254056,0.0,0.08913248583063148,0.0,0.0,0.0902380703382214,0.19159446565795785,0.0,0.0,0.2152225079101988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069660971819655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802652890980814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29434178960411606,0.09267903623665492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916274654373628,0.09662762357978548,0.11072917815516307,0.0,0.10895316237147296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953015941027175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798055192899339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103195935629964,0.0,0.10428390398881644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720634008336248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767566880904987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252105167219297,0.1685010416964909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577657945090272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727258672113235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160495343164688,0.0,0.06835192074133188
suicidewatch,help_me_please12345,2018/03/02,"need advise to stop my brother so I learned that older my brother is going to go through with it this week and I don't know what to do. I don't know what i can possibly do to help him. I only learned about this when I glanced at his laptop screen once and saw title of a reddit post he made, so he doesn't that I know this( At least that's what I think). These are the things I did/am trying to do: We had a conversation how I want to prevent suicides as my ambition, trying to get my sleep schedule synced with his so I can keep an eye on him, looked up how to do cpr and have an ambulance number. I know this is not enough and I don't know what to do, do I tell him that I know? Do I not do anything because its too selfish for me to prolong his suffering just for my own selfish desire of having my brother be my guardian angel and guide me through life? He is the only person in my life that makes life worth living and it pains me to see him in a state like this. I want to help but I am just a stupid 18 year old who doesn't know shit so please help me out here",2.9958974358974366,3.0579469658119685,4.210239316239317,92.66253846153849,72.93162393162393,7.094700854700855,25.001709401709398,6.42735559955562,0.5433627350427348,826,22,202,5,15,272,119,234,0.063,0.826,0.111,0.7772,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,0,12,7,2,0,8,0,24,7,3,4,0,36,44,15,1,4,5,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,20,10,0,3,10,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,3,6,38,1,29,40,3,18,1,1,6,0,22,7,1,0,8,142,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439250378118955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473855254530298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363338251161156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726264277301083,0.0,0.1580039549936016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795242636609018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355752267557615,0.0,0.0,0.5347697017273741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29455835142746456,0.06791274082559952,0.0,0.12274743057777805,0.0,0.1167324895998043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153360918909426,0.09278953915846297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307335906557087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586648658340245,0.14803997203233746,0.0,0.2114451081279295,0.1479153007227156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213772344930746,0.0,0.15259005983387144,0.0,0.15671168034543353,0.13313212783252076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110772118423319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426906674359006,0.0,0.0,0.13910931902976595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621768858705672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205320565579655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149993052669035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235135526278318,0.08907130841246504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887558752556792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398213518696422,0.0,0.11150457750855924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951719233126255
suicidewatch,GroovyGroomer3410,2018/03/02,"HALP It’s such a windy day, I feel like I could “accidentally” lose control of my car while driving and “accidentally” hit a tree. ",1.765066666666666,4.403320440000002,4.18,79.93666666666667,84.6,6.533333333333335,24.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.3947333333333334,101,4,21,2,3,35,22,25,0.28800000000000003,0.615,0.096,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247907450416447,0.3735808658746188,0.0,0.0,0.3017574291054235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658479864189685,0.3342685596819886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285927883937404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234615217040957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BurnAllTheDrugs,2018/03/02,"Is it worth it to live for nothing but simple surface pleasure but nothing meaningfull I'm beginning to believe I'm just a peice of shit. I don't do anything positive l, my co workers hate me because I'm socially awkward and over the years iv blown up because of our fucked up social work structure. I'm 23 never had a girlfriend. Starting to think because I'm ugly and weird and just not good all around. I'm fucked I know it. I'm going to be alone and sad forever. I will never know success or fulfillment or true love or what it's life to be a father. No ones life would be effected if I just killed myself right now. I have enough drugs to do it but I'm afraid of the overdose. I don't think I'm quite there yet but man idk how much more I can take of the only fun I have being small social gatherings and party's. Because I'm so broke and fucked its not worth it to live the fucking 6-14 days so alone and so sad and just trapped before I can do something with someone for fun to escape.",2.352899159663864,3.7834782619047616,3.8933613445378192,89.15105042016809,75.90476190476191,6.464985994397758,26.162464985994397,7.048011613610866,1.1182212885154064,785,29,167,8,17,261,117,210,0.306,0.584,0.11,-0.9953,0,3,2,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,5,12,20,7,2,7,0,17,10,1,2,4,35,41,20,1,2,14,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,5,0,2,1,7,13,0,1,1,0,13,7,19,34,4,16,0,3,0,5,9,7,5,4,8,101,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550872430360421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133986060941018,0.1096273415496435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30027817625568143,0.0,0.10478941188545583,0.13874500828908326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941991916311845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428119482346627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724423787792233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455391342060251,0.0,0.0,0.06998753522090538,0.10329024051143927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158261410176255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624441043855975,0.0,0.135357238679729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739653752842353,0.0,0.0,0.2174829135431645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111145383928031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052754715508697,0.0,0.1899578144194032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363266040624948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834479009320815,0.0936591869044726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098247431131785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516725161533176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264090903707948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765999586649148,0.10434243692087714,0.09480492541667088,0.0,0.0,0.08716440075456633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259155843144964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781583024151422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965281213878952,0.0,0.0,0.08748041702172422,0.0,0.0,0.07930292189729686
suicidewatch,nautankimuch,2018/03/02,"Suicidal thoughts, but not suicidal? This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I have a lot of suicidal thoughts. I think about killing myself a lot when I am in a horrible environment - which is mostly when I return home, where my parents stay (I work in an advertising agency and don't always come back home). My parents are emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to the point of denial.

My point is, I know I don't want to die. However, I can't stop thinking about how good it would feel if I just did kill myself.
I know I have the option of moving out, but I'm not sure I will be able to support myself; I'm scared.

I just..had to say this out loud to someone. Thanks for listening.",4.1568613138686095,5.430188664233583,5.515043795620439,79.92366058394163,71.11678832116789,8.691678832116787,29.028467153284673,9.120678840339163,2.4034502189781017,545,21,107,11,10,183,84,137,0.227,0.606,0.16699999999999998,-0.9,3,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,2,1,6,0,14,0,0,1,1,28,29,9,6,3,7,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,4,5,0,1,7,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,5,19,4,16,23,3,16,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,5,5,76,23,1,0.13457870423108625,0.15945375804126738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111980262795482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034827165060523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592763728223192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967144775463178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138292846159435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804703649685705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648417898198234,0.11287823206566025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699868264412266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977827934756256,0.0,0.1479218726164675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288280035145272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303586452262082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988674494654763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544407503595965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070223871982261,0.13473676038009114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140280993705972,0.0,0.13310177965310105,0.0,0.0,0.1434429924439663,0.0,0.1125138227726602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416217782637046,0.1527183187316382,0.1268388360642549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390198963683947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246519924274556,0.0,0.21368091714468948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937800656948928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797489950486234,0.0,0.0,0.09560085023410624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,owl_girl,2018/03/02,"Ways to keep safe when Nembutal is very tempting? I work in a lab and have easy access to Nembutal (we use it to euthanise rats). Over the last week my depression has gotten steadily more and more severe to the point that I’m obsessively thinking about Suicide. I don’t have any friends to talk to, and my GP has been off sick for the last week or so (I wanted to move forward my appt to do a medication review because I don’t think it’s working ahaa) and I have no one to be with in the evenings when the thoughts become something more tangible that I want to act on. Also, I should add,  I don’t really want to die at all but it feels like my only option/my brain is telling me I have to do it (its illogical ik and my rational part knows this). I can’t move the Nembutal to somewhere I can’t access it and also can’t raise suspicions that that’s what I’m thinking about because I don’t want to jeopardise my study in the lab. I have other thoughts but Nembutal is the most appealing because of the gentleness of the death it brings.

My question is what are some ways to keep yourself safe from yourself?",3.8472787610619466,4.843414115044254,4.903705752212392,85.06361172566375,71.56637168141594,8.304867256637168,29.611725663716808,8.660442795831766,2.131788495575221,874,35,183,15,16,287,117,226,0.106,0.816,0.078,-0.8026,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,12,0,24,3,1,1,1,33,42,14,3,5,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,15,9,0,4,8,0,0,5,8,2,0,1,4,1,22,4,29,36,7,21,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,4,8,126,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763290451140774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253339057198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884405126513456,0.15028045084006042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519009670615447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719831589360208,0.0,0.14122089353623749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987404390782401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880191657682908,0.0972096165498277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512862206302497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418934757426289,0.0,0.0,0.07478142226014944,0.22183311791887206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647773672448311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707787557971374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924526695103103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220567406949703,0.1034886242178422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735234080780346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863169493645266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243139353926008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717098563651386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372223735845605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475460683267884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488403037606382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936924089433694,0.11893262288350598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615676639625661,0.0,0.21605138728015424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175222198148754,0.0,0.11227336483056197,0.32103434725074265,0.2160146900928365,0.21829694567104174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981235689130444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PragmaRose,2018/03/02,"My breakdowns are scaring me Posting this in another sub because I need some wise words right now. I don’t know what I’m capable of 

I had a bad emotional breakdown yesterday and cutting came to mind.

The thing is, I hate knives. I hate pain. I hate getting cuts.

It scares me that my breakdown made cutting appealing until I realized what I was actually considering.

Many days before with another breakdown I had the urge to drink, a lot. I don’t drink at all, I don’t see the appeal of being drunk when I’m not having a breakdown. Plus the only alcohol in my house is wine anyways, I crave hard liquor. Something that will just make me so fucking numb. 

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep pulling myself back to sanity. It scares me. I don’t want to ruin my life but the dark thoughts go too far. ",2.294314928425358,4.3104627668711695,3.778061349693253,87.33048670756651,77.77300613496931,7.046053169734153,26.81758691206544,8.021203637495839,1.708593783231084,633,26,130,11,15,209,105,163,0.184,0.775,0.041,-0.9421,0,0,5,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,15,7,3,8,0,15,10,0,3,1,22,33,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,4,6,1,4,5,0,3,6,14,0,0,6,2,23,1,13,24,3,16,0,1,1,1,0,5,1,2,7,81,31,0,0.1386370052708803,0.0,0.13528971851594174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816079642898194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907459760193773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660329950168068,0.11575610852960624,0.08451183163096826,0.0,0.117969880387593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856380071026865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894093992464307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27162297101264304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559479708989762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816767740598808,0.07243211322265868,0.0,0.0787906049864815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419152563971092,0.4106260217914214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996849032196345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322694027037205,0.0,0.0,0.15238254485192684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792341680616112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268938701259476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786422417507797,0.0,0.13118168648985826,0.0925412775523014,0.140556163406265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998385435590804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027975827452425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543968973122353,0.1475195482438658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277592824162762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839524500160448,0.0,0.0,0.4163994830917968,0.0,0.11047574380731053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672953984878346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210426603271832,0.0,0.0,0.11006229628131617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177169766971411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommunistCat17,2018/03/02,Tomorrow I'm buying a combination of drugs online to kill myself with. It feels like I'm about to set off a death timer that will go off in a couple of weeks when I have the drugs and my affairs in order. I've been building up to this for years and when I turned 18 a few months ago I just knew deep down it was going to be my last birthday. I'm not changing my mind this time. I'm sorry.,2.331201550387597,2.8511863837209326,3.9953488372093036,91.94713178294576,74.69767441860466,6.663565891472868,21.310077519379846,6.42735559955562,0.10071937984496147,303,6,73,2,6,102,60,86,0.12,0.85,0.03,-0.8126,0,0,2,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,14,4,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,7,1,15,9,1,20,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,10,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078718858627841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807203635032335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594720175593842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5438957722310069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185712639867275,0.16752828524925076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26654579666521155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594417334951419,0.0,0.0,0.1911504395112715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456583860708107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367801845535028,0.0,0.18717726983915733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625058050709245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674000984556925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25507085166222376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810337022918389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101160819762754
suicidewatch,flesh-without-blood,2018/03/02,"I’m a pathetic mess. I have so much shit wrong with me that I can’t even deal with. I never thought it was physically possible to have so many things fucked up in the head with one person but apparently my mind is just screwed up beyond repair.
I have Aspergers, social anxiety, depression, selective mutism, PTSD, possible BPD (I haven’t been diagnosed officially but my previous psychologist said it was highly likely), the list goes on.
I have an addiction to self harm and the only reason I’ve stopped (and by stopped I mean the last time I did it was a few weeks ago) is for my boyfriend because I don’t like seeing him hurt or upset from my own actions. He blames himself when it’s not his fault at all. But it’s the only goddamn thing I have that takes away all the noise in my head for at least a little while. Nothing else helps me. I’ve seen countless therapists and tried dozens of medication. 

I’ve been having panic attacks daily. I had to go on leave from uni last year because of my ex-boyfriend abusing me and sending me death threats and calling me all during the night to yell at me. I was a complete mess and was cutting myself constantly and even overdosed and still managed to show up to class the next day even though I felt like I was dying.
Then I met my current boyfriend and he’s been absolutely amazing and so supportive of me, more than anyone else has ever been in my life, and yet it’s still not enough. I still feel sad, I still get so depressed and insecure, even though I know he loves me. I want him to be enough for me, so why do I still feel so broken?
I started back at uni this week because I wanted a fresh start and to give it my best, but my panic attacks are getting worse that I don’t even know if I can continue. I want to do this art degree, but I’ve lost my passion for art and drawing. I feel there’s no point to doing something I don’t care about anymore, even though I want to care. I want to have passion. But nothing brings me joy anymore. I feel like I shouldn’t even be alive.

I feel like I should be back in the psych ward but I don’t want to mess up my studies and worry my boyfriend. He’s so normal compared to me and I’m worried that if he keeps seeing this awful fucked up sides of me, that he’ll leave me. Not that I’d blame him. He’s such a genuine, kind person who deserves a normal girlfriend, not a chaotic mess.

Even cutting my studies down to part time is still too much for my brain to handle. I feel like I can’t concentrate or make sense of anything, I feel I have no purpose in life and that I’ll never be truly happy or satisfied. I’ve been cutting and trying to kill myself since I was 12 and I have no idea why I’m not dead yet. I guess I’m just too pathetic to even go all the way even though I’ve desperately tried. I’m a high school dropout and still managed to get into uni somehow, and yet I’m fucking it all up. I’m already 23 and still have no idea what the fuck I’m doing with my life.

I’m sorry for the long rant, I just have no one to talk to. I don’t have any friends anymore because I decided to stop letting people walk all over me and treat me like shit, but it’s left me with no one there. Sometimes I feel like it was a mistake, that fake friends would be better than none.

Sorry for anyone that reads this. Just take solace in the fact your life is probably better than mine and I envy you for that.",3.3862357954545423,4.289252970170459,4.366256818181821,88.83669772727276,72.5653409090909,7.166090909090909,26.72204545454545,7.327094020958105,1.1715765681818178,2657,89,579,27,50,863,289,704,0.252,0.612,0.136,-0.9985,2,0,1,0,0,3,63.0,0,2,0,5,48,56,14,4,24,1,55,20,5,2,10,99,112,51,4,14,22,0,9,8,3,4,7,2,0,3,28,30,0,4,17,4,0,6,23,32,0,4,21,14,88,24,70,81,17,75,0,5,3,8,31,29,7,7,47,384,116,7,0.0,0.06093346860163641,0.0,0.05606383334972709,0.0,0.0,0.045587593197164836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056751795722278786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03497263030684626,0.0,0.039342084357178106,0.0,0.1530075127407466,0.07191895047575138,0.05269380246489106,0.04232065241809452,0.0,0.0,0.11701296915891783,0.048318059566191736,0.079089523313733,0.0,0.12539950469278605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053970245806795936,0.09096732289570322,0.0,0.0,0.0647714448368022,0.05741037188260214,0.05251347787335598,0.0,0.10486802753679574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053921012447482784,0.05557512258089672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033166641179131415,0.05301974717457948,0.08858928326296008,0.052198078889661034,0.05337388018223661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592256419508554,0.0,0.0,0.1062772167053256,0.0,0.3396754071520142,0.04651933987834871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802730585967386,0.14695996594754032,0.049378700393515634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946589682603457,0.1901764871753916,0.08060662288360168,0.04933417939681355,0.05845514556407525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665345941513548,0.0,0.0,0.05474579112042073,0.0,0.0,0.1055594070757594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03447093359498636,0.10867247288495646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055054464950848384,0.11611132917550165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571134294600291,0.05689718047177857,0.05355408276982879,0.056526687682318985,0.08384095270729651,0.0,0.10890911329252367,0.05587639569657492,0.05258835386096085,0.14529974949469873,0.2009999889319984,0.0515441113003083,0.0,0.04551193621510392,0.0,0.0,0.0561394590296395,0.0,0.046415547967085816,0.0,0.034328419301599515,0.052139661786141066,0.0,0.05601989114430405,0.0,0.05180804287256395,0.0,0.0,0.05192736230670443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561062023125267,0.0,0.07932849512325035,0.0,0.054693990515176566,0.048261455112077314,0.10077654241402208,0.09869261717485302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454631343863148,0.07822623538081863,0.0,0.12067875666320102,0.0,0.05569123651543592,0.0,0.03565352320373842,0.08980944699447417,0.0,0.0,0.04861584218354007,0.1159541112316348,0.0,0.0,0.055447807585964966,0.0,0.060116282122807216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144166233458822,0.0,0.0,0.05287628740240394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048919562573951934,0.0,0.0,0.05204762379570752,0.08196250919337189,0.0,0.05365035427685375,0.0,0.1055796829381694,0.04254156231570756,0.0,0.0,0.052424109840173,0.0,0.039591590830644376,0.050863355062570316,0.11513830072592847,0.07280164557919193,0.0,0.3285621103491762,0.12898769344891156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835959587055095,0.0,0.0,0.07733452834181624,0.041335673588686166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059711576035740475,0.06833261756193669,0.0,0.20210999440575275,0.0408278851986514,0.059975863659898175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474818966960643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200049959477335,0.04082095041998702,0.08250447034173909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281108203956387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445474333996667,0.05240926601141351,0.036532794696014906,0.05622816617511522,0.0,0.03311778182022833
suicidewatch,Chancelorqt,2018/03/02,"amitriptyline I've had very invasive and repetitive thoughts of overdosing on my medication if i have enough.

i know it's not allowed to give me any advice to assist suicide in this subreddit, but if anyone has legitimate detailed(& unbiased in the sense that you're not deceiving me as to ""protect"" me from doing something) information on Amitriptyline over dosage i'd appreciate it.",17.745223880597017,11.311105089552242,15.439179104477615,44.03847014925376,50.34328358208957,19.370149253731345,60.365671641791046,15.903189008614273,8.853662686567166,319,18,46,10,2,102,54,67,0.08199999999999999,0.828,0.09,0.3761,1,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,7,5,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,11,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172892147245358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518080262639025,0.0,0.22080444312122172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270350223922438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354978085033972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311478030476404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178444453357835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270971029433114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996687663874004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551647700652882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577723887511149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679082398852783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon3802,2018/03/02,"My best friend since I was 11 left me I don't have anyone else in my life but him, I'm thankful he stuck with me so long but it hurts to have him ditch me. I tried to cope with it by focusing on my chosen career path, but the little jabs he does at me makes everything worse, we had secret Facebook accounts that we only talked to each other on, and he hasn't been logged into his for months since we started using Skype instead, but he logged on a couple days after ditching me, changed his profile picture, then added song lyrics in his bio, which I can't help but be hurt by them being directed towards me. I feel like I don't deserve friends, love, anything. We are pretty outcasted, he got a boyfriend a bunch of new friends, stuff like that, he started to move on with his life. Same thing happens like it always happens, I help people, but they never stay to help me. They leave. They always do at some point. I feel ashamed for trusting someone who just left when they got a boyfriend, I feel ashamed for even thinking that I deserve a friend. 

I'm staying alive for my dog. I know that he needs me and that he loves me, but he's a very old dog and has already had some health complications last year, and I'm afraid 2018 will be his last year. 

I really wish I could be happy, we were supposed to get better and be happy together. But he left me. I hate caring about people, I hate it so much. The idea of relationships, friendships, bond with family, etc. I hate that I actually care. I want to just get over with it. I can't tell anyone, we were the inseparable best friend ""forever"" duo, you'd never hear our names unless they were right beside each other, you'd never see us without each other. They were a selective mute when I met them and I was on the only person that they'd actually talk too. So, if I told someone they'd either make it worse by picking sides and bashing one of us, or forcing us to be friends again.

I want happiness, but everyone leaves me after they get out of their dark place. I want happiness, I want love too like they found love, I want friends, but I'm just the freak. Anyway, the point of this post was to ask for coping methods. We were together every single day up until this year, so. Going through day-to-day without him is, weird and hard. ",4.539425036390104,5.151501530567688,4.998061135371182,86.42055604075694,69.72052401746726,7.678719068413392,27.27540029112081,7.554174236665415,1.3396172343522568,1783,55,372,18,30,568,221,458,0.157,0.6559999999999999,0.188,0.9416,0,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,11,2,13,3,16,36,3,3,13,0,34,7,0,4,3,71,80,29,0,9,19,0,4,4,7,1,3,2,0,1,22,25,0,0,8,1,1,2,10,10,0,1,17,7,75,26,49,51,13,51,0,2,1,4,70,23,0,4,27,242,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.12566094784711568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071050450311505,0.0,0.1071469582294983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003898030361361,0.06597004281727546,0.05298337036764272,0.0,0.06019128516933332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513617390225174,0.05694330173269335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128960035433154,0.0,0.0681107945571951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051406184730598214,0.07124077965954545,0.0,0.16609199840154554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056343748792083224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378540714248692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180629620208262,0.04252568633422151,0.0,0.054247140759066,0.061522628197313675,0.057865087878509365,0.0,0.060696449399832327,0.0,0.09766497410109742,0.04599665801516295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059483101500606,0.3482058477117602,0.0,0.10091551784539016,0.0,0.03659148016810412,0.0,0.10298913493925133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387088857859196,0.2741561257938147,0.057676314939728836,0.19070057826648587,0.0,0.06843824593338832,0.07256657617424522,0.0,0.12946772820548685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785095173230513,0.0726828298487497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035384313071788215,0.1049647393282487,0.0,0.13634884049004348,0.20986347791284005,0.0,0.09095406145619568,0.12582103829905533,0.06453068616039533,0.0,0.056978700347312713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324399108465277,0.0,0.08595497706527437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139149401663263,0.06843106730922842,0.04733038441683851,0.0477406628746786,0.14897304735403305,0.062183435763611926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756122846701827,0.0,0.04362894338810918,0.09793539004791467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927290657775121,0.05621849996087145,0.06726862303376667,0.0,0.12172927518688514,0.0,0.06166303388441712,0.06550269346362479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041246680703777724,0.0,0.0,0.06912539631530437,0.0,0.05498443958156364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051306510329186365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065198773366534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091064058544378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114407105517534,0.13725169003914858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370542286717148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350045086776362,0.05627532929126305,0.05927705908503101,0.0,0.0,0.04277453415305348,0.041255309279489664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061522628197313675,0.0,0.043713189750921214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234168826327256,0.05560796910701539,0.0,0.05312436927138702,0.18987971053826325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403957435517718,0.12412968793646666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122763441103194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438549027559725
suicidewatch,Neune,2018/03/02,"I can't express my feelings. I wanna cry but I can't. I've felt detached from life since probably years ago. Now I am thinking about killing myself for no particular reason. Although I don't think I will act upon it, I just wish I would sleep and never wake up.

I am 22 and I've always been a quiet person. I keep everything to myself, I never express my feelings, and I never speak unless necessary.

Life is a curious thing. It is like it is pushed on me. If life is about joy then one thing that keeps coming back to me when thinking about joy is when I was little on one evening I was riding my bicycle around a backyard while my parents were talking and I was also having my evening meal. That is the last memory of genuine joy I can think of.

But I grew up and I saw my father's rages. I saw my mom cried. I saw my father wanted to leave the house. I saw my friend went missing and probably died. I saw myself, the person people look up to because I happened to win some stupid competition failed over and over again. As I grow up and experience these things I get detached and detached and detached. I care less and less.

Few weeks ago I met up with a dating match, I got excited. I was head over heels for her. I was thinking about so many things that we can do together in the future. But the day after the meet up the excitement was gone. Then I don't feel anything at all. I thought I loved her but probably I was just lusting her. Even the lust was gone. I haven't contacted her ever since.

I wouldn't mind if I get shot in the head, or if I get a heart attack, or if I die of whatever accidental or natural cause there is. Because in my current state I am of no help at all. I am a parasite. My studies get more and more left behind because I don't have the motivation to do anything. There are people who are in much worse condition than me but they have the spirit to live. I respect them but I don't care about them. Heck, why should I care about the lives of random people while I don't care about my own life? Why should you care about me?

I do have a dream. I love Mars Trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson. I wish I could help building a real Martian colony. But that's such a stupid thing to think about. That is just fantasy.

It is just sad, seeing myself like this, seeing people arguing on the street, seeing my family, seeing my friends got burdened by my inaction, seeing disappointments, promises broken. It is sad seeing people I love getting further and further away and my feelings locked and even diminished. I wanna cry but it seems tears won't come out anymore.",1.9591987829614617,4.118251545977014,3.4795424836601327,88.34617647058826,79.51724137931033,6.2397115167906225,23.453684922244765,7.362008331298528,1.0140423258958755,2025,69,411,28,51,667,234,522,0.157,0.644,0.2,0.9819,2,0,0,0,0,1,56.0,1,1,3,3,30,32,6,0,22,0,50,16,6,4,6,80,103,41,3,14,20,4,5,2,2,6,4,2,1,2,19,21,1,2,15,2,0,10,15,12,0,2,23,19,85,20,57,73,10,61,1,5,12,5,31,27,1,10,25,304,104,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159833664527339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231707248260622,0.0544354320442706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487995664185459,0.0,0.0,0.10767165787185934,0.058238473695110926,0.0,0.07442572161566345,0.06146509188051594,0.05030463620548858,0.0,0.1196399257376176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335048533482351,0.06720528838453327,0.0,0.1127086303209568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223326768761792,0.0,0.21558537000610065,0.04219107029020309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579313734346596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728395576941482,0.059176952168922006,0.0,0.0,0.058796089240341125,0.06399419640813933,0.06167300502467196,0.0,0.1323150969132433,0.0,0.06281432623489604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010880547280385,0.0,0.17089860831198564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464614486350184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057851488455358986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342814407908085,0.0,0.0,0.07752408502870038,0.08770050451717648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548693846817306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629820896714002,0.07237853624169874,0.0,0.0,0.053326767545832314,0.0,0.0692712902303135,0.07108000251411449,0.0,0.18483487402206344,0.06392269732377885,0.06556893148063754,0.11553571180766135,0.0,0.0549370818334483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713475744445858,0.0,0.0,0.06632652741184521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605646261357072,0.07662017089846818,0.0,0.0,0.048091891120856906,0.0,0.1513699003624313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866179394023725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264217072492353,0.0,0.0,0.2267730843557353,0.11424601817238828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160439503012435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446331005734026,0.0,0.06726358410641538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31279193764560154,0.05955673304188273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823369398324333,0.0,0.06546814918052027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258284372101205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173137049888586,0.2515144383218624,0.0,0.05193688938572693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858694357875212,0.0,0.052476702247958106,0.0,0.0,0.0606458324927248,0.11806437875008223,0.0,0.15046161962956695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666948920763184,0.04647313246440379,0.0,0.0,0.04212891661492797
suicidewatch,1bravo69,2018/03/02,"Could tonight be the night? Just took the remainder of my seroquel all it once. There were about 10 200 mg capsules and 5 100 mg capsules. I honestly hope this kills me, but I'm still afraid.",1.912105263157894,4.294683631578948,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,81.10526315789474,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,0.9399789473684208,150,6,33,2,4,45,34,38,0.059,0.838,0.103,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076543864893506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38271930615246746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263101878980408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616057918242112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103635221564085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30772477176749025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281154408679867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arxys,2018/03/02,"Just a question? What keeps you going? I've been looking for awhile now and I can't seem to find anything. Well, nothing that lasts awhile. ",0.4588888888888896,2.6750185925925933,0.5011851851851858,101.08733333333336,103.8148148148148,2.16,20.214814814814808,3.1291,-0.7150829629629629,110,4,22,0,5,32,25,27,0.0,0.899,0.101,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944999490898921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270905079820347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033881380489065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180950056590498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917152134142193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300524169923202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34338991807597313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400900973799541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257952035932904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32177185782865314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anyadote,2018/03/02,"i dont know what do do anymore 2018 will be my 3rd year with depression (undiagnosed). I already attempted suicide, and the worst part is no one takes me seriously. I have told someone, so that maybe i could get help. I had a bit of hope left in me, that has now shattered. School is draining. the teasing and overall cattiness from my ""friends"" is getting too much to bear, i cant handle it anymore, reddit. I've been abusing pills to help me clear my head, to give me a buzz. I rely on them now.

A few weeks ago I tried telling my parents that I was upset and I didn't think it was normal. They told me that I had nothing to be sad about. Maybe you can help me decide? I've been bullied since I was 8. My self confidence is destroyed. I have 0 motivation, and I dont want to get out of bed. I've been used and walked over, and when I stand up for myself I just get laughed at even more. Reddit, I hate myself. And I know its not going to get better, theres nothing I can do. I feel like a disappointment. My family don't help me either. I have a sister who tells me to not say anything, just shut up, almost as if to say ""if you just shut up and stop complaining then it will be fine"". She doesn't know. People have looked me straight in the eyes and told me to kill myself. Maybe I should listen? 

Sorry for this long, all over the place post. Needed to rant.
Thanks guys.",1.0945488721804535,3.058139736842108,2.6638533834586475,94.09322368421054,81.45614035087719,5.4749373433583965,20.70488721804512,6.5431188927421005,0.128857142857143,1055,30,239,10,28,345,161,285,0.179,0.698,0.123,-0.9517,1,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,2,2,3,11,18,4,1,9,0,35,3,2,2,2,37,59,15,2,8,8,2,1,1,1,3,1,3,1,2,11,11,0,1,7,0,0,2,9,11,0,1,12,6,46,7,28,40,8,28,0,3,2,0,26,15,0,4,10,162,57,2,0.0,0.12370878950491672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255317480338524,0.0,0.1045515437860856,0.0,0.1152190431982872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709334974362026,0.0,0.0,0.08592054254991484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923421697318912,0.1139886897994004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336289767574966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992818927818802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24473551002219546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896182739585076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842846589600734,0.0,0.052792838612461264,0.07459053255244097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806669153166125,0.0,0.2727496063015273,0.10015959626881156,0.0593386152472473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338232597560666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308326955889194,0.10715479333346403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27993531738815924,0.0,0.0,0.10370269938740632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551420728111132,0.0,0.17214303407588322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344178219546465,0.0,0.0,0.05100945730629925,0.0,0.0,0.09239957393537064,0.08767811270922407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146816684174065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675337148190048,0.07741870000761637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229964220512767,0.20036844256467187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075092544650892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593496086253192,0.11306586697694695,0.0,0.07238475501789324,0.0,0.10908623871116864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999592871990072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606206254220204,0.0,0.1056685050783628,0.0,0.0,0.10892241220486287,0.0,0.0,0.08636903984787814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846626329767761,0.0,0.0,0.11687845887764844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729144417012884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420760534614785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850333410892381,0.0,0.18251790293179715,0.09612670998482993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690171900659317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29930471903528305,0.0,0.07088754365615546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017672606745944,0.0,0.0,0.06158372951914653,0.0,0.08375141272071572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723662371582696
suicidewatch,DoomGargoyle,2018/03/02,"Guys I need help I'm so tired of this life. I'm lifeless to that point i started losing my best friend. I feel like like this whole week. I felt like this before and now I'm tired. I just want someone/something to bring me back. My best friend is female and I had crush on her and I told her how I feel... and you know what happened.. lol. We have met in summer 2017 and we clicked and start hangin out more. Then shit happend. We walked away from our group of friends becuase they was thinking that she's possesed cuz she was drunk af (we are teenagers  16-17y). And she lost her bestfriend that she known for 10y, it was same for me.And then we went to other group of friends and every single day we were hangin out, that's where I start to grow feelings for her. And then shit happend. But we never lost contact. Till these few days. Now I don't have feelings for her but she's my best friend and I want things to be like they was. I'm in deppresion and I told her that and she asked why, I told that I don't know. I guess I just dont have luck... fuck",-0.5207772795216741,1.6816189327354252,0.4318699551569516,105.20586173393123,92.85650224215246,3.332077727952168,15.953512705530644,4.604124745555138,-1.2862722272047833,814,19,200,2,30,248,115,223,0.076,0.7390000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9752,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,8,1,2,6,8,19,3,0,0,1,15,7,2,2,1,43,45,21,0,3,4,0,5,4,5,0,3,0,0,1,14,21,1,0,9,3,0,4,4,6,0,0,14,6,43,13,20,30,8,27,0,3,1,1,38,8,3,2,19,127,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220697281319653,0.0,0.1027173061207398,0.08406652554032182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303012204079053,0.0,0.3441991447744617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101510141675108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813166571412196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211360124904464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111819730869456,0.0781039840240668,0.10497207730821133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223329187742389,0.10107202475402137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043717785420235,0.10825196254890407,0.09667843758797408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328029043660905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016767922358518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772216381520249,0.2136486603431356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223101280218708,0.2386889726273296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106536716717694,0.08432053553920013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335034951151796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444735384362924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416607768752123,0.0,0.0,0.2321488791827588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263270151117637,0.07005300289014445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131303182561265,0.0,0.3134029238553083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896903834609955,0.0,0.08769637080326415,0.0,0.0,0.10134820189013652,0.09865156435136986,0.12206086858886445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Artur_sk,2018/03/02,I'm i think its about time i end it my life has been going to sh** the last couple months and i don't think i can take it any longer,-4.278348214285714,-3.714741781249998,-1.2696428571428555,112.30750000000003,123.0625,1.8285714285714283,4.571428571428571,3.1291,-3.1762821428571426,101,0,30,0,7,34,26,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544557516245871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140238997976182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33141309534066266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126555519319865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30500726497944136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26429494038728385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986675169878112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813373681518254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4795198513233162,0.0,0.0,0.2181878133416463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stonesthrowaway88,2018/03/02,"Me [almost 17F] got caught having sex with older partners ... parent threatening to kick me out and have them arrested and I want to die PLEASE somebody HELP ME COPE!!!! I already self harmed again and I don’t trust myself!!!!!


my mother walked in on us all at home. She accused them of statutory and now they won’t talk to me now... I’m feeling so lost because the punishment is becoming extreme.

I’m so scared and I have nobody... I guess I’m screwed. She’s blasting loud music so I can’t sleep even though I have school...

- she’s broken my phone, playstation 
- burned a number of my clothing / makeup
- is threatening boarding school
- posted on my social media that I was a slut and changed my password to my accounts 
- destroyed my baby pictures
- is refusing to let me go to school unless she takes me and picks me up right after as well as bringing me lunch on campus despite it being exam week
- hit me multiple times 

I feel like my only way out of this at this point is just to kill myself. My mom absolutely hates me and tells me every day that I ruined her life. She’s also crazy and talks to spirits on the ouija board and believes in ghosts, which she frequently talks to me about like it’s normal. I’ve gone to 6 different schools in eight years.

I’m so lonely and literally nobody even notices I’m not in school or has tried to check on me. I only have my laptop because I need it for school. ",2.942782791817088,4.857904570397114,4.03399368231047,86.69782566185322,75.49819494584838,6.349518652226234,24.538056558363408,7.1686216300943375,1.0641890493381467,1094,36,213,12,24,355,164,277,0.205,0.726,0.069,-0.9927,2,2,0,0,1,2,42.0,1,0,3,1,14,15,5,1,4,0,16,6,1,1,1,28,35,21,3,3,4,3,2,2,1,1,1,1,1,2,8,14,1,1,2,0,2,5,4,11,1,1,5,3,48,4,35,26,1,33,1,3,0,3,24,16,1,3,12,139,56,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571472949997167,0.0,0.116500909923183,0.0844255878565618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871096160655038,0.11659556199927655,0.0,0.11894306577772032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116807776265328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808496237499087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956667587736782,0.11029987506559696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945812113290548,0.0,0.08894864468070544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106760368165788,0.07542038774839742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999878559995486,0.0,0.0844352701497333,0.0,0.11629904372467988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423012002278273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076243277604391,0.0,0.10589694450583964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679935784699083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107954136044354,0.07456835864093099,0.1031539236208474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152438962734136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364420757533873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828001991333426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343777444153084,0.0,0.12019399120747434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605839513224926,0.0,0.0,0.11722479251237493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588593823524836,0.09979930641808528,0.0,0.10110843104671226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015758823179733,0.0,0.0,0.10569561059656496,0.6410647051112512,0.0,0.0,0.1101342259113915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564786441909807,0.10761697353473293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937672108554039,0.25456341199856525,0.09227425076005863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372358245748108,0.0,0.06155966168894239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167620133721296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698966240226034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062268877837291486,0.08379783947507254,0.08468318707111493,0.0,0.0949215666909652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798466317391666
suicidewatch,laissetomber92,2018/03/02,"Someday soon I tried again today.
By the time I made it out to the tracks, I was tired, the cold biting at my exposed shoulders.
I had some bizarre showtune playlist blasting through my earphones, it was a prairie winter, yet I was without a jacket.
Along the riverwalk, a man in one of those hoodies that zips up over the face asked for my number. I gave it to him, and he scratched it into a post-it note with his fingernails. I swear I live in an alternate universe.
I turned back to my apartment, collapsed and just started fucking screaming. The screams were broke down into laughter, and tears. “I want out” is the standard call of the part of me that drums out nihilistic utterances and lays in bed until my alarm chimes for work. 3 pm.
But the rest of me, the part that remembers the bonfires by these same tracks before they were rendered mourning space for those who went before me, before the darkness in my mind outnumbered the fight, before the isolation sucked away the connection like quicksand. The space in my soul which to this day is in the basement of the home of someone I loved at 7 in the morning. Looking forward. To nothing. Just forward.
That part wants in.
It’s not that I can’t let go of death. It’s that I can’t let go of life.",4.0954775828460015,5.768145041152266,3.965795971410007,89.40923976608187,71.83950617283949,6.43266190166775,30.484946935239336,6.8360192770164,1.5849226337448563,987,43,194,8,19,300,144,243,0.158,0.7929999999999999,0.049,-0.9725,0,1,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,3,1,24,0,12,6,2,1,0,24,26,6,2,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,18,11,0,0,1,1,0,5,4,8,0,1,9,5,26,2,42,15,6,37,1,2,1,2,11,24,2,1,13,141,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097644675024536,0.0,0.13163042995159188,0.10772978107897196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47686589242456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430597944698892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090354192152078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952203067719972,0.0,0.0,0.15924637728759197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405337175557168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865275506224274,0.09895817769567576,0.06844675469412033,0.0,0.12371262252051167,0.0,0.1176503846456446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644751445319244,0.13256788892261215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146306966901068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443163641512998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949367331893014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551504017056123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417897709444085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870824157587513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187079601000544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916490847117572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169459609046836,0.16102662579935095,0.13280030328180553,0.0,0.0,0.09512005356901597,0.15239073205077985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527156531914464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298759468432536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505331724017142,0.0,0.1019959161419558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sammas_,2018/03/02,"Tried to hang myself... here goes attempt #2 I tried to hang myself last night but I wasn't strong enough. I met with a crisis worker instead who told me to wait the night. I did, but this morning when I woke I truly wished that I had died instead. Sometimes I feel like I'm too weak to keep on living, but not strong enough to just end it already. This has plagued me for so long. I feel like I can't do it anymore. I just want things to be over with. ",0.9280208333333312,2.678599927083333,1.967916666666668,99.95208333333336,80.97916666666666,4.266666666666667,19.0,3.1291,-0.8378874999999999,347,8,83,0,9,109,63,96,0.204,0.684,0.112,-0.9137,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,4,8,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,14,17,5,1,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,2,15,4,11,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,56,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186623760378327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938987976713413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866056891481344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780726824385895,0.4154815880857865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033161906268049,0.2872636390460602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870454222939386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388447711252166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644801867140774,0.0,0.17753288441070508,0.1779249788592068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773479704289617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884588806425688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335702295507588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211411026657688,0.0,0.2730026594110608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185858690260778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120024889284566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mintcaffeine,2018/03/02,"I'm planning to take a lot of paracetamol pills. I would use my meds (xanax, zoloft, and olanzapine) but my mom heavily guards those. So I'm gonna buy a bunch of paracetamol pills instead because they're easy to acquire and hopefully I'll die tonight.",2.7906122448979573,5.299474591836738,3.644244897959183,86.39004081632655,78.59183673469387,8.001632653061224,30.20816326530613,8.841846274778883,2.7156008163265306,201,10,40,5,5,64,38,49,0.105,0.7490000000000001,0.146,0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,8,7,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142237076244994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376976643271276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607705440663803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30880618064085885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034679833844573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254119964710553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731046609664306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137151368061024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25802902593553323,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,666666888888,2018/03/02,How do I cut myself deeper? My mom took away the knifes because I was scratching and stabbing myself. I've never cut before. I'm using thumbtacks now and I'm almost there to cut but it's not really working. Can I find something else around the house or do I press the thumbtacks in more? ,1.309236453201969,3.8435911551724153,2.696600985221675,90.48706896551724,85.72413793103449,4.0039408866995085,20.354679802955662,5.288315135182226,-0.014973399014778009,229,7,43,1,7,74,43,58,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.4606,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,3,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,1,11,8,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876539004921765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557263077334753,0.0,0.0,0.2698944529932399,0.0,0.0,0.1751137723065967,0.0,0.24444093063129754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399726279512605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625545478641169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314646629928849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364407093556441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155609093465545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840289938966226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115024581503764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191614282368673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481042942798848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913197658627425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paris2819,2018/03/02,Answers ? Advice ? Hey am currently deployed & have a few questions regarding what actions need to be done when your spouse is sucidal back home & your chain of command just sucks.,5.687083333333334,8.619699375000003,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,70.875,8.016666666666666,35.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,3.614716666666668,148,8,23,3,3,44,30,32,0.087,0.913,0.0,-0.4329,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30747784255598953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6818584930686626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241950758988816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220019583218955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31562525501838745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23331316463647456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524863209129373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YummyMeatballs,2018/03/02,"It's getting tougher. I've wanted to kill myself for the last 10+ years. Late 30s now and recent events have all but confirmed it's never getting better.

I'd be gone in a heartbeat if it weren't for my mum and brother, so I've got to stick around to spare them the pain. What's getting more difficult is that while my mum has tirelessly tried to help me improve throughout this whole process, I'm starting to realise I have to pretend to be better.

I can't imagine how it feels to have a son go through this and know there's nothing you can do. The only decent thing I can think to do is to pretend that I'm basically doing ""ok"". She'll never believe I'm good, but perhaps I can convince her I'm not wishing I were dead every single day. Same deal for my brother. As a result there's no one I can really share this with and so it's feeling pretty heavy to have to deal with this shit by myself. I was in therapy for many years and it really didn't help, despite getting on well with the therapist.

Just needed to get that off my chest. Have no idea what to do, want nothing more than to check out but I'm stuck here for the sake of other people - can't even go after my mum dies as I need to stick around for my brother. 

Edit: thanks for the kind words folks.",3.5447337526205445,4.17791789056604,4.578836477987423,88.45647274633123,71.98113207547169,6.945492662473794,26.79769392033543,6.691623216298621,1.023197064989518,991,32,214,7,18,324,147,265,0.14400000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.136,-0.0634,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,1,2,12,13,2,0,9,1,25,3,2,2,3,35,51,15,3,6,6,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,17,11,0,0,6,2,1,3,9,4,1,1,7,2,21,9,40,41,6,23,0,0,0,0,16,7,1,1,13,143,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280545940162513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431361779770896,0.0,0.2265704719301637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260748261119982,0.2641104246353467,0.0,0.0,0.13293724423987158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460226689284876,0.0,0.10792138766680416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953235118567258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33460880980989804,0.0,0.1455930491917832,0.10743585282969878,0.1024453104967584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171211472154468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445980700008849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171265703583186,0.1333860711813944,0.07039493906793276,0.10441048289255507,0.14449115033912496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986320143453509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995429117459367,0.1975818789148239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245811706198794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679712971036692,0.097418251430093,0.13629683924818098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880150938931958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031362530063428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411552593976492,0.0,0.1264734668627331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314825908253039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066279335867512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792810429726755,0.14648212999017907,0.14872241516465032,0.0850973344954987,0.08207492899654102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696473272599749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110165486564012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151683337454852,0.0,0.0,0.1430079612489616,0.14729723069016967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497157918766786
suicidewatch,ny-u-nyu,2018/03/02,"It's getting so hard to breathe My chest hurts so much I want to start screaming, I already threw up everything in my stomach but still the feeling just won't stop.


I don't want my boyfriend to leave. I don't care that he told me he doesn't feel the same for me, that he never has. I'll live in that lie, I don't care anymore.


But why the fuck does it hurt so much, I spent so much time to him and it hurts knowing that everything I said or did for him just wasn't enough. I can't breathe thinking how I gave him my all and he was there for me but it was nothing but a lie. So why the fuck can I not let go, I fucking begged him to give me another chance to change. I'll show him I can change. And he's giving it to me but W h y. I'm delaying the inevitable.



I want this pain to stop now, I wish there could be another way to make it stop, I can't wait with time because everything I do as of now had something to do with him. The job I work at has him wirtten all over it because everyone there loved him, they loved seeing us together, I can't go in there saturday and act like everything is okay. I play my videogames on a PC he bought me, I can't fucking look at it right now, or how he decided to buy me some clothes that, I'm an idiot, decided to wear right now without thinking.


I felt disgusting the last time we had sex, because I knew that's all he came over for. He didn't even want to come over to comfort me during my breakdown. He doesn't care so why am I having such a hard time letting go? Why does he insist breaking up then turn around and tell me compliments like I'm supposed to act as if he didn't just rip my heart out?


I stopped all my plans of suicide when I met him, he gave me new reasons to look forward to life, and most were because I wanted to see it with him. But now I feel like everything has been ripped away and I'm back to square one. I want to do it tomorrow.",1.9713323983169675,2.8614551545893723,3.356551347981924,94.7841865357644,75.95652173913044,6.887829203677733,25.432133395667762,7.233258080335977,0.8129048776686925,1470,50,362,16,31,482,180,414,0.127,0.7290000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.3733,1,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,2,0,1,2,26,23,6,0,11,1,35,15,6,4,5,65,87,28,1,9,14,0,6,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,17,15,0,6,11,2,3,9,16,11,0,1,21,13,59,12,46,61,11,51,0,3,5,7,36,17,4,5,28,224,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130991124316195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545239877463213,0.0,0.0,0.07307273788814615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559259505705625,0.0,0.0,0.0692266576725532,0.05665690432399063,0.0,0.1796634356100951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427257062478044,0.2253711068365805,0.0,0.1558915569392248,0.06347051252391077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058829075670442287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895921681862904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761331949720844,0.0,0.04866626131474624,0.0,0.0,0.07040630166645973,0.3311031203075636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176748832568703,0.05263843035896098,0.07074626794096846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724712600890811,0.038495800111477116,0.14136496288643144,0.1256255234842344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200918581152538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731351620025755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366342915702284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731180085086106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040493696277129364,0.06006065831407921,0.0,0.0780185915060856,0.0,0.15068965943504511,0.05204377053054963,0.10799189954214204,0.0,0.06506254953471484,0.0,0.1237486332894828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300175042830992,0.0,0.04918330232562772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249422793938476,0.0,0.05682809517684539,0.07116252776114247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069985927945223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049928825207539385,0.0,0.07840283527658777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575736028859445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258480384721221,0.07008844813311965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743001719967985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056723997812663685,0.0,0.0,0.05215249372344038,0.0,0.058842534606948965,0.24640578087585144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059614102165531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644013093483712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442489164016801,0.0,0.0,0.17185825008190553,0.0,0.0,0.07040630166645973,0.0,0.0,0.08014484981951954,0.0,0.0,0.08863036508071231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26075729023060323,0.05848533624827094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26594615190497944,0.0,0.08473065537103458,0.07102681168455005,0.0,0.05364136828660588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imtrying_ipromise,2018/03/02,"Why does trying to find help always end up backfiring horribly? Hey... 

I guess I’ve been suicidal on and off my whole life. But the older I get and more responsibility I take on as an adult, I feel more and more guilty about killing myself because I still deeply care about what that may do to those who are related to me and my significant other. Who will pay my student loans? Who has to deal with finding my body? I just want to slip away and not have anyone notice... But at the same time I find it harder to finally do it, I also can rationalize it more than ever. 

Who wants to live a life of working in a basement at a job you suck at, in a place that never stops raining, with a significant other who tells you you act like a victim, you love starting fights, and you only focus on the negative... which it probably appears that way because I suck at trying to get help. I just want someone... anyone.. to care. But I don’t deserve it. What I project out into the universe I receive, so I definitely don’t deserve any grace or comfort. I’m a sorry piece of garbage burdening this world with my garbage attitude that I can’t seem to crawl out of. 

I contemplate the most gentle way of ending my own life for the sake of others... should I OD? Someone would have to find my body... 
Should I go into the most remote forest as far as I can and end it there? Then there wouldn’t be closure for those that may be sad... 
I care too much about how it may hurt others, but don’t care whether I live or die? It’s so fucked. 

I started thinking about how nice it would be to just not wake up.. my life is not a gift to anyone and I’m causing my significant other serious pain with how sad I am... sometimes I’ll try to reach out after sobbing in the bathroom by coming out and crying in front of my boyfriend, hoping he will be concerned and tell me my feelings are real and rational. But I know it’s not his responsibility to listen to me or understand. I should be taking my issues elsewhere, to a therapist. This is why he won’t sleep next to me anymore... Because I’m nothing but an exhaustive, high maintenance terrible human being who doesn’t deserve love. I used to think being high maintenance was demanding a lot of attention, demanding expensive things, having high opinions, but now I’m realizing high maintenance is just you begging your significant other to help but all he sees is your craziness. It’s probably terrible to deal with. 

Therapy doesn’t help..
Meds don’t help..
Exercise doesn’t help..
Friends.. a friend would help... but who would want to be friends with this shit show. 

I don’t know what to do.

",3.8428264758497335,5.254450891472871,5.006046511627911,82.73716457960646,72.06201550387597,8.083005366726299,28.15324985092427,8.617729084823388,2.0497233750745374,2044,77,406,36,39,675,234,516,0.142,0.735,0.123,-0.957,1,0,0,0,1,1,79.0,0,8,0,1,20,31,7,0,21,0,49,15,5,5,3,92,88,34,4,13,21,0,2,1,3,14,7,1,0,2,39,24,0,1,14,2,3,6,17,17,0,0,2,4,53,14,69,64,13,52,0,4,1,3,41,28,5,14,17,291,92,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056347506072834536,0.058629061072017964,0.0,0.0,0.0479157855187444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987821713643456,0.14780356705346395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620027600275567,0.0,0.0,0.12885681713737304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653221179875582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873580780821752,0.07238268916199571,0.0,0.060695772241293085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739792110673982,0.0,0.14528405851005602,0.0,0.0,0.0731272247090481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061660753483677375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872221636932175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373586122997955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125423282548378,0.0,0.0,0.07718640308257094,0.257599714875483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633136041654359,0.0651399086246342,0.0736257585735529,0.0,0.04004451756616807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762055602947061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330598897593195,0.29778297239071505,0.0,0.06998350989443898,0.0,0.0,0.07542978355613335,0.0,0.0,0.07354280776372205,0.06992150866126504,0.0,0.0779544767490176,0.0,0.07744686685864823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907429242896726,0.034423605954261936,0.0,0.12443642034588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059903284106163225,0.1271873131424432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826610589937791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051796822688951576,0.0,0.05434374144152267,0.0,0.07493589975062329,0.0,0.0,0.06760907365763777,0.08022013019308807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053588641797302224,0.0749752986668679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361657807643633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519373997587825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801998586036006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614816467377511,0.064144899886579,0.0,0.0,0.07232703686305264,0.0,0.0,0.07051172319997588,0.0,0.11940247745506465,0.0,0.06968756969545876,0.07887513856080025,0.0997450864970064,0.0,0.056270115626659206,0.058908414948376474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707271966859668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059555612691313,0.0,0.12317175484528288,0.0,0.0805781080907877,0.08181046278794317,0.046811049359235433,0.09029691882102492,0.0,0.0,0.04108628081752494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351484991688146,0.0,0.0,0.07335221648715674,0.0,0.060855540292295965,0.0,0.0,0.16623850949295668,0.11185706581597872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715989222863122,0.07866700846126823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129632868505067,0.0,0.0,0.20021342858068011,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrtIeAwhbys,2018/03/02,"I couldn't take care of a friend I'm unsure if this is the appropriate place to post so I apologize in advance if it's not.

Around two years ago, I met one of the best people in my life. I was at one of the lowest points of my life back then. I had recently come out of the hospital and was still in a recovery period. She always made sure to check up on me, whether that was seeing how I was doing when I woke up in the morning, making sure I had enough water to stay hydrated throughout the day, staying by my side when I had trouble functioning in general. I would go as far to say that she acted as my nurse during that period.

I later ended up in the hospital again. Not too long after I was out of the hospital that time, I wound up homeless. She and I talked over the phone around this time, and she told me that she got into a car accident.

That was one of the last times we talked. I wish I could've tried to figure out how to support her back then. Instead I looked after myself, scrambling to figure out where I was going to sleep for the night.

People in my life now have told me that I shouldn't feel responsible for what happened back then and that I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I'm not sure how to feel about it all. I am afraid that these feelings of guilt will only worsen if I avoid addressing them completely.

**TL;DR**

A good friend took very good care of me, but I couldn't do the same for her.",2.6415519528371405,3.9368494440677972,3.972173913043477,89.42872512896095,74.89830508474577,7.299926308032425,21.63964627855564,7.893859768569023,0.7574539425202641,1106,26,244,16,23,364,152,295,0.063,0.857,0.08,0.5574,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,1,2,19,15,0,3,16,0,22,6,1,5,4,44,46,20,0,9,8,0,4,0,2,4,4,1,1,0,15,13,1,1,5,0,1,7,7,4,0,4,17,7,43,11,49,22,4,64,0,0,2,0,19,27,0,3,27,184,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757199784742804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915885444730888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959744540552751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539152296924153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551354959474708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445104554720413,0.0,0.0,0.09481709810125744,0.11540817449393515,0.0,0.0,0.08788336531785945,0.0,0.0,0.07098719662037101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974909322682192,0.11373358004176867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696680842328962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008237922365235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511266634501245,0.184645985274585,0.08803446333422554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733611774990418,0.0,0.09860270087344254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972319751233776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332408751589393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974100677613438,0.09243257881433646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041525863089745,0.07347377256164478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329491565705666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376247470825225,0.08371455405836517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526198355874046,0.0,0.1150015898570868,0.0,0.1040534170858198,0.0,0.1054183453191803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868261052937092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753350300153376,0.0,0.0,0.08771296321783932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101512795547288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346437589060063,0.08790347130491308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490815950801942,0.3112240698792466,0.0,0.08276028524103828,0.17694306593347886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925512325671044,0.0,0.0,0.21035661905331368,0.12229380545276278,0.0747315180891545,0.0,0.10752414186872056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908207519469777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657712287217887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781918393897966,0.0,0.0,0.07088262199979167
suicidewatch,throwaway4896734,2018/03/02,"Tired of life I'm tired of living, I feel like my life has been a disaster from the beginning, I believe my life wasn't meant to be, my parents were never married and left each other a few years after having me, my stepfather never liked me and always wanted a child of his own,

 I'm in my late 20's and I still live with my parents, I've never had a real job for more than a few months, I've never had the motivation to try, even when I was working I felt awful being around other people and eventually had to quit, a few months ago I dislocated my jaw since then my fatigue and depression has gotten worse due to the discomfort, and I can't afford the surgery to fix it.

In a few months I might be homeless since my parents are tired of me being lazy and just playing video games every day, I want to get a job but I don't know how when I always feel exhausted and depressed when so many jobs require ""upbeat personality/motivated"" while I barely have the energy to eat every day.

I've been reading TShandbook and I'm thinking this is the end for me, I will probably spend the last of my money on a drug, someway to end this cycle I've been in my whole life, I don't have any friends left, and my parents never wanted me so I doubt anyone will miss me in the end, I've always been autistic, weak, lazy so I don't think I have any place in this world, even when I went to a therapist for 3months the only thing they could tell me was ""you have to help yourself before I can help you"" 

I don't think I have the energy anymore when life will just be more and more painful in future, at least if I kill myself I can end any chance of more suffering and I can finally sleep, maybe the afterlife will be kinder than this place.",5.802047766475012,4.892193848739499,6.644897537962552,80.88805395842549,67.0952380952381,9.532596196373287,29.71384343210969,8.6894789155246,2.0302974789915966,1352,39,287,18,19,451,169,357,0.175,0.762,0.063,-0.9903,8,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,1,4,15,15,1,2,21,1,41,16,2,2,5,42,60,25,1,5,4,4,3,2,1,5,13,0,0,1,8,15,1,1,9,4,2,1,11,11,0,0,15,3,48,4,33,33,12,46,0,5,0,0,14,14,0,3,33,198,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901199001800208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943398061856972,0.0,0.0,0.1588281357518202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720925951844597,0.05443663005932076,0.0,0.0,0.0693056787060682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624717163867834,0.08771367462376671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215928815507407,0.0,0.0,0.1004174929825961,0.0,0.13410935527575912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028476710125387,0.07966305836943899,0.0,0.0,0.27581861160865456,0.0,0.0,0.10284234882219433,0.0,0.1311890260560252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872963534929785,0.05561820109231125,0.07475109212107182,0.08528415965825074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014903720417231,0.0,0.040674980944698035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436645404286704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317712784919087,0.0,0.08613281323689284,0.0,0.04278597456561415,0.06346058856750056,0.08782157872741632,0.0,0.16917503169672846,0.0,0.27494939298445925,0.07607008978188545,0.0,0.1374912564422318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893072580438294,0.07821380594022218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258973346206028,0.0,0.0,0.18642457334894647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002251780386464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921071717800928,0.08284108452482143,0.0,0.3457861874010992,0.0,0.0,0.05397346986056778,0.0,0.16267963650148515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393870514490538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280625209391977,0.07787407139898801,0.0886137619135029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880161763242245,0.0,0.07790922777852577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062173508978757674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804695636856288,0.0,0.0,0.0903933373169166,0.05172207601191818,0.14965518278800247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684417238604945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285707881541362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775915529235516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217051400774714,0.0,0.08692009786063858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667791360582019,0.0,0.07933886150092748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013478159531589
suicidewatch,throwaway825155,2018/03/02,Good bad good horrible I know there is good. I want to live for it. But when the horrible comes I just want to die. I don’t know if I can stop myself this time. ,-1.8683333333333323,0.01601327777778216,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,96.77777777777777,5.102222222222223,12.755555555555556,6.742157984588678,-0.8731044444444449,122,2,33,2,5,41,26,36,0.34700000000000003,0.418,0.236,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,8,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,3,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22924000726723576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23650281040990456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849423200748131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6908452482121377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017739291082094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24243503330143865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953832165933835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600938669007399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32387655055396203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,negautrunks,2018/03/02,"I'm useless as a woman I'm 31 and I'm really tired of being alive and I just don't think I can do it anymore. My sister is younger than me and she just had a baby and he's very cute and good. I've been married for about ten years and we have been trying to have a child but I guess we can't. I'm tired of living I suck at being a person I should just kill myself already.
Then I live in the United States which is falling apart and even if I did have a child I don't have insurance and I guess that's not very responsible... But I mean crack whores and teenagers have children they don't even want and put them in toilets and dumpsters. I would never do that. I just want a real family. I hate myself now though and I wish I could just cut out all if the broken part of me. I'm so sad.",-0.3801082706766934,1.5159425200000032,1.8923909774436112,97.90003007518796,86.65714285714287,4.598496240601505,16.06766917293233,5.750287758089431,-0.7875142857142854,611,12,149,4,19,206,100,175,0.263,0.665,0.07200000000000001,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,2,0,2,0,11,9,4,0,8,0,23,3,0,0,2,38,37,20,1,8,10,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,4,15,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,4,0,25,2,12,28,2,12,0,2,0,1,12,5,1,4,4,104,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832648165945684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469901027299785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259514859055122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937826072686475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655810228412545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929349294704876,0.0,0.0,0.3658945313368043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396192821326624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373429794072896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932896131689555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090132559767275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280851286242069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984002296370466,0.0,0.0,0.14500785061009727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694844342863793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902653612724027,0.10639011211289297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641236833137416,0.16316510599046574,0.0,0.0,0.38175115706372986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275213130027027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405393628156555,0.19590738791525866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097484893412825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797293520747393,0.0,0.0,0.10694506022336256
suicidewatch,toastertuesday,2018/03/02,"No one will read this 


I went to community college out of high school then dropped out after a couple semesters. I worked two jobs and eventually I worked hard enough at one of my jobs that I got a raise and I worked full time. The only problem was this job took over my whole entire life. I mean long 12 hour shifts. I go to work from 8am to 4pm and then come back the same day for a night shift that got out at 12 or 1am then I’d have to come in that next morning at 8am. This was twice a week on top of the normal 8am-4pm shifts. Even with a raise I hardly made enough to support myself. I was living with 5 roomates and I was living illegally just so I could have a rent cheep enough that I could afford. The job itself was physically hard but I don’t mind working hard. That’s who I am. But what got to me was it was how mentally taxing it was for me. I felt like a failure. I worked so hard but barely made enough to live. The working environment was ..bad to say the least. Most of my coworkers were really rough people. Although some were cool. My boss was abusive. I hated the job. I stayed there for three years. I developed a drinking problem and smoked way too many cigarettes. I’ve been self harming on and off since I was in forth grade. I started again during these three years. One night I cut so deep three times on my left arm that the next morning I was still bleeding and drove myself to the ER. I got 22 stitches. I became suicidal to the point where one night I bought a rope and drank whisky and tried to hang myself. The people I lived with illegally were moving out so I had to find a new place to live. For months and months I tried to find somewhere. Everything kept falling through. I didn’t have enough money to live by myself. At this point I was so suicidal because of the job I knew I needed to change something. After hours and hours of discussion, crying and head aches my parents considered letting me move back home. Eventually they said I could. But my dad wasn’t too happy about it. I decided to quit my full time job and become a full time student. It was hard. Going from being around my friends everyday to alone hours upon hours at my parents house. I actually somehow did good my first semester back. But my depression was getting worse and worse. My second semester started and I was so incredibly depressed I couldn’t get out of bed. I dropped all my classes. Most days I spend in bed sleeping in the dark and alone. My dreams are so much better than reality and when I wake up all the pain comes back. I hate waking up. All I can think about is killing myself. I just want the pain to stop. My mom had work off one day and made me go to the doctor. I’m glad she did. They changed my meds. I’m seeing a therapist next week. I’ve seen a lot of therapists but they haven’t been good. Hopefully this one is better. I hate myself for dropping all my classes. I know my parents are disappointed in me. I know my focus right now should be on healing and trying to get better but I feel like such a failure. I’m living at my parents house. I’m becoming the worst version of myself. I don’t really want to live any more. ",1.65149892163911,3.852931705607478,2.910909657320872,91.78468943206327,80.85358255451713,5.88223340522406,21.55916606757729,7.074300726101368,0.5315149964054635,2473,75,529,31,65,797,287,642,0.18,0.738,0.08199999999999999,-0.9973,14,2,5,0,0,2,61.0,0,0,3,14,28,28,5,0,31,1,48,13,5,5,4,81,94,40,3,12,10,6,9,2,1,2,6,2,4,1,19,31,2,2,10,3,5,13,7,15,1,13,44,14,86,13,75,41,23,101,0,3,2,0,16,39,0,7,46,351,105,25,0.0,0.05466967440877615,0.04502707080905386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557655624205368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03137753940438631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041075373470581135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191867254348214,0.03852590243011655,0.028127194503712774,0.10191846940428584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242419573368615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762235991149698,0.11923945091764004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051977370268157,0.05105426443424978,0.05068384652473815,0.08927160308319261,0.0,0.0794825468373682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047227384800801915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520072509320325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383805225473026,0.0,0.030475770278356323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146865758879551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0233303333547178,0.03296322068091285,0.04430270482205094,0.0,0.0843442835858569,0.03924760754461449,0.0,0.0,0.03564850980733466,0.0,0.07232048214828136,0.0,0.07866917431858918,0.0774019536531818,0.14761305404491468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911807327712003,0.2480002477736591,0.1366643907760349,0.04735409412964427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875061970177727,0.04628329892475985,0.045828536787965,0.2271985117319164,0.10648129983500183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32051554798413984,0.0,0.05104830567754641,0.0,0.05071589853520935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050132454789971616,0.04718241467703065,0.03259083299723147,0.04508443472551986,0.0,0.3259475882924807,0.040833433442945336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03922752464859389,0.0,0.13097951162639024,0.0,0.04677984692234456,0.0,0.05026119929748981,0.051252375293417786,0.0,0.046499389869955686,0.0,0.04658937124970836,0.054039914430287314,0.0736587931163882,0.09808140288804876,0.033919027463481674,0.034213050984537245,0.0,0.04456337491079452,0.14721479289795886,0.12990092791468832,0.04520849451256127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759847576359204,0.035092395990557385,0.09819479584050557,0.0,0.2049369842939712,0.0,0.0,0.06397687674132435,0.0,0.048207642938585205,0.0,0.08723653270613924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830162819062425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490767537950543,0.04615359990851753,0.0,0.059118357596570185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940425879084339,0.0438907651166584,0.03669326539837812,0.0,0.046697270186017034,0.03676849352383352,0.0,0.04813524434997152,0.0,0.0,0.03816840586977409,0.0,0.04617443602824607,0.0,0.0,0.035521683398451534,0.0,0.0,0.06531783519920371,0.049180287686306105,0.03684835281838743,0.03857603692147628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094177825629363,0.05236038876646347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714677812453123,0.0,0.029565362413739527,0.0,0.0,0.10762101728059928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051264474814600065,0.09398036178745164,0.0,0.04507316329214761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443044839681448,0.036624668178787234,0.07402323606981194,0.0,0.0,0.04277327445279697,0.0,0.05151490539277538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687302411412424,0.0,0.09404347313883156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942672855502421
suicidewatch,blerrycat,2018/03/02,"I'm done I'm so angry at the world right now. I try and try but I have nothing and no one. Well, I do have a mother who is so controlling and always disappointed in me. I go to work and come home. I haven't been fucked in 12 years. She took over parenting my son but I really do try to act happy for him and take him places. I joined a friendship site but they message me once and then nothing. I just scratched up my arms I'm ready to go live under a bridge.",-0.7133498349835001,1.292462277227724,1.5954702970297028,98.61485561056108,89.59405940594057,4.950825082508251,16.337458745874585,6.42735559955562,-0.5231788778877893,354,8,88,4,12,119,66,101,0.063,0.731,0.205,0.9445,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,1,0,4,0,8,2,1,1,0,12,17,12,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,2,1,1,3,1,16,2,10,14,0,18,0,1,0,1,9,10,1,0,3,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559982995130446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143732780531268,0.0,0.0,0.2232168377424192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366563192246945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398994618099634,0.0,0.0,0.22621427593028345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118595271473845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963237909798576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573750689708514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819283780484623,0.0,0.0,0.21194884066915132,0.13486048928334188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098715244067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079325949989187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749672829668576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996121952751672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963759104900193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211175371721947,0.4053627042147094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894206744728644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488827131200435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281617719464586
suicidewatch,AdamsSong182,2018/03/02,"I think this it. My ex of 3 years ghosted me. It’s been 8 months and I haven’t heard from him. 

But he has someone new. 

I hooked up with a guy who gave me herpes. 

I was raped by a former old friend a few weeks ago. 

I can’t do this anymore. 
Everything just keeps getting worse. 
But I guess I deserve it.

I don’t understand why he didn’t love me anymore but now no one will. How could they? 

I feel disgusting. But most of the time I just feel sad and lonely and empty.

Don’t have insurance anymore and can’t afford to talk to anyone. 

I don’t have any friends. 

I am a burden to the family I have left. 

I just want to disappear forever. I hope I do.

Just wanted someone to know I guess. 

Bye, Reddit. ",-1.316109090909091,0.7135998133333352,1.3077575757575772,97.83054545454547,97.53333333333332,4.593939393939394,16.81818181818182,6.351523495107088,-0.2817999999999996,532,15,126,7,22,181,91,150,0.191,0.713,0.096,-0.9313,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,6,9,2,0,6,0,18,2,0,1,0,27,33,9,1,4,8,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,3,23,4,11,26,2,12,0,2,0,2,14,2,0,4,10,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414030165710548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847765973133028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745967563148568,0.11153864278283504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273620837588385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336442604557978,0.0,0.15037930382964626,0.0,0.16131411264949574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464863077356829,0.0,0.08334153243588763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514539592313549,0.15794782603771046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843729349200222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417868619675409,0.0,0.0,0.0876668803338678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331669325997626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397115614238232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732568658304408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406340687686618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167387229454215,0.0,0.1080934749627221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703180419609605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821446642636555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022126458807908,0.0,0.0,0.09301618541567724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606378658907506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817561135427896,0.0,0.1279556582035634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439401167205528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256239451460258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027243142946525
suicidewatch,GeneralAppearance,2018/03/02,"Mental illness is taking me over I have been on this subreddit so many time before (under different accounts). I always come back when things are bad for me again. They are so bad right now. I feel so suffocated by my own mental illness. My situation is bad too. I have been contemplating suicide tonight alot. Im so angry and hurt inside. I feel afraid of everyone. I saw my birthday on the calendar and wrote ""The worst day of my life"" on it. I hate that I am here. I hate ...HATE the people who have caused me harm. I don't think I've ever felt loved by anyone, one part because the people I'm supposed to trust hurt me. The other part because I am now suffering the long term mental anguish that comes from abuse. There may have been a few people that loved me at some time in my life, but if no one talks to me I don't know any better. My siblings ignore me entirely. 

I am painfully lonely. I see couples and families and I just die inside .I'm very happy for them. But I feel like, why am I left out of that? I've tried. I also got into therapy and tried really hard to change the way I behave in relationships. I feel confident that I am capable of loving someone in a healthy way now. I see people who treat eachother like shit yet they will never leave their side. And I get sad because I think...why not me? Why do these people who have no regard for others get all the love in the world?

Even without a relationship, just having a family who gives a fuck would mean the world to me. Just someone who would try to make an effort, be a part of my life, let me feel safe and loved by them. Friends.. and I wish I had those. Or some kind of community. 

This isn't even the worst of my suffering, but right now when I feel this vulnerable, it's all I can think of. I am in need of someone who cares, to pull me out of this dark space..and they aren't there.

I hate so bad that any of us are here in this group. I wish no one would suffer this way.  ",1.5161154752553043,3.4445164402985107,3.1830531552762515,91.08393558523176,79.87064676616916,6.221628698612203,20.28043990573449,7.273561745256523,0.4141731343283581,1507,39,332,20,38,499,190,402,0.229,0.632,0.139,-0.9897,1,2,0,0,1,1,56.0,1,0,6,2,26,39,6,2,19,0,34,13,1,2,4,53,73,21,2,7,10,0,8,2,1,5,6,0,0,0,25,13,0,2,11,0,1,3,10,24,0,3,8,11,57,15,40,58,13,44,0,7,3,6,25,21,2,6,19,233,82,0,0.0,0.08228734647360808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055539445673172816,0.057788281668925835,0.0,0.0,0.09445728310551416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485613221406001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340305711051276,0.23195267326973554,0.12700892539535746,0.0,0.05909716011707185,0.0,0.0,0.061423219362686035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080929343067495,0.07134467366123459,0.07346929573371543,0.11965070967397262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684552710235107,0.0,0.044789751128655235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720785320775026,0.0725608677948618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174264507939414,0.06282184694456096,0.0,0.06636281656570941,0.0,0.0,0.1309432791067536,0.0,0.21069720039849954,0.04961536702733401,0.06668325832986614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365719312411085,0.06420575937357219,0.07256991663759496,0.06662313513706179,0.0,0.0,0.055545815178073436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393122343566791,0.06221390113984821,0.2742714968522991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869614142425197,0.0,0.07501833068291959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232188590424078,0.03816811385488319,0.0,0.0,0.07353792706455786,0.07545804363182114,0.0710177213597418,0.14716457683582826,0.06785989748331245,0.0,0.0,0.06146140290323849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31340840797198544,0.0,0.0463586695093565,0.07041178703386188,0.0,0.07565182645586925,0.0,0.0,0.20996895151214864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149657850956384,0.053564416348206405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118412941015573,0.0,0.07390010343591667,0.0,0.0,0.2256239885825041,0.0,0.2407407525124918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044491693311774126,0.0,0.0,0.14912743912669232,0.0,0.11862049411208238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068592592249298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128981945296245,0.0,0.07806513961780392,0.0,0.0,0.17653525076919716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759674460371795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221804432010617,0.05582158659881119,0.0,0.0,0.07942256487750575,0.0,0.046139748038376345,0.13350300217811206,0.0,0.0,0.08099415290636157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145675231747168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354025876642705,0.0,0.0,0.057303838870784836,0.0,0.16537944257950413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800450326345655,0.0,0.15972902444211148,0.06694769024225608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800667697683484,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wolfietruck,2018/03/02,"Small things cause me to spiral into suicidial thoughts In the past year or two I've been slowly feeling depressed again. I was pretty suicidal through most of high school but nearing the end it seemed to become a more apathetic mood. But recently in the last year it's been getting worse again and I've been getting bouts of depressive thoughts that come and go.

It feels like small things will cause me to want to kill myself. Like recently I've been feeling left out from my best friend and when I communicated this to her, it felt like she brushed me off. And for some reason my next thought just spirals to killing myself. I hate feeling like this cause my sadness and depressive mood feels like such a burden to my friends and SO, which further causes me to want to end it. I came really close to killing myself yesterday and I'm scared that soon enough I'll actually go through with it.",6.1467623604465675,7.01880295321638,5.516002126528447,83.20373205741626,66.2514619883041,8.791281233386497,32.50451887293993,8.841846274778883,2.510457309941521,719,29,139,11,11,218,99,171,0.24,0.5820000000000001,0.17800000000000002,-0.969,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,20,4,1,5,0,6,0,0,5,0,36,26,12,4,2,4,0,6,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,13,13,0,0,11,0,0,4,0,10,0,1,10,7,17,8,23,15,5,30,0,4,0,0,4,12,0,4,19,87,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.09977212294128557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291676181328895,0.0,0.0,0.1072952511292066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169360627846843,0.0,0.42011723121571704,0.0,0.08807126426127647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641791579683381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110973296616148,0.10564191885035984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584797151916922,0.2191222156287011,0.09816705445667943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798174028481754,0.0,0.10683303631083638,0.0,0.1162114314903123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094147182425436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802285680487918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33934238260378025,0.0,0.0,0.08333977306537085,0.0,0.0,0.11108476196163626,0.0,0.0,0.2497480783975658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873408782669214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760026619482008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401549402904847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549797639763262,0.1051204131241263,0.2019006087344214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023607235283665,0.10347299298636344,0.0,0.09307604500796886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183467333249053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584828551403064,0.0,0.0,0.2435029596388521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987425583172832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206083649595146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419195380955487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167924896855773
suicidewatch,Edunmango,2018/03/02,"Paranoid homicidal/suicidal intrusive thoughts I am having suicidal thoughts. I hate myself lately. I am sick in the head. I feel like Im going insane. I am feeling like a rollercoaster as unstable. My thoughts are dark, fast and confusing.",3.7135714285714263,6.991757023809528,4.840000000000003,72.83000000000004,85.90476190476191,9.466666666666667,35.57142857142857,9.2995712137729,5.046114285714287,193,12,28,7,6,63,31,42,0.403,0.47,0.127,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,12,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,7,2,2,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23038376281100464,0.3255071712596233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294745065804101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249236084667832,0.23380751196784416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608307945966906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569891969327596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260122815973424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983929364819029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425873366466206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotNeededByMyself,2018/03/02,"Is killing yourself with pills painless I just wanna take some tylenol, lie down, and die. Or sleeping pills. And no, I know it's painful to the people around, but they know I'm a selfish useless anyways.",2.8888461538461527,5.437834230769234,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,78.48717948717949,3.9,32.82692307692308,3.1291,1.1490461538461538,161,9,31,0,4,47,34,39,0.3670000000000001,0.598,0.035,-0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,11,5,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32546393388512845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37943790307573066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044852421338125,0.0,0.4018513881464831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890270719533135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25346289300118696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658667548194919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27488774630193824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pwolf18,2018/03/02,What to do when someone posts dark things on facebook Hi all. Someone I hardly know is a facebook friend of mine and she frequently posts things that seem like a cry for help about depression and anxiety. It’s often links on “how to know what a person with depression feels” or things of that nature. Should I say something or would it be totally weird considering we haven’t seen each other in 15 years and hardly knew each other then.,6.731445783132532,7.211382144578316,6.23821686746988,79.90407228915666,64.90361445783131,9.531566265060242,29.853012048192767,9.3871,2.4573874698795186,350,11,65,6,5,108,61,83,0.157,0.7509999999999999,0.093,-0.6997,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,2,21,12,8,0,2,2,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,5,2,10,7,4,9,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,4,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310319583910115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983957279006505,0.0,0.0,0.3447530197311447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119457912981407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462427783222368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35856439648728994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414668244406144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199785973663788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097776151073126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475069732658424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833491885437937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915587198999784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219594513758905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391485101724648,0.15407417231618398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988836242305541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217059701548654,0.0,0.0,0.1288807728066884
suicidewatch,Flag30,2018/03/02,"So annoyed that my mother is tied to me Long story short, my mom is disabled and she's in a bad financial situation (mine isn't that great either) so we live together so that I can help her when needed and so that the finances are better. It pisses me off because it would be so easy for me to either a.) just do drugs constantly all day every day until I died (my original plan before my mom started relying on me actually) or b.) just one day end it. However, my mom has said multiple times that she wouldn't know what to do without me and would probably kill herself because of being so lost and not having enough money to live, etc. I believe it, just because of how miserable nursing home life is (I used to go sing/play music at nursing homes w/ my church, and it's extremely sad). 

rant over... I'll be fine. I guess it's a good thing I would feel so guilty about putting the consequences of my suicide onto someone else.",4.108039702233247,5.0816539892473145,5.4061290322580655,81.78688585607942,70.93548387096773,8.518775847808106,29.36145574855252,8.841846274778883,2.2905257237386265,726,28,144,13,13,243,120,186,0.179,0.742,0.079,-0.9711,2,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,0,3,13,11,3,1,5,0,17,3,1,3,1,26,26,16,3,5,8,4,1,0,0,4,2,1,2,0,13,6,0,0,2,0,2,2,4,7,0,1,2,2,24,4,18,17,5,20,1,3,0,0,11,7,1,2,11,102,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.12391479861617395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602353995841844,0.2322186795591885,0.0,0.10805118179974772,0.1430637107767944,0.0,0.11230406721635572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372209734926043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456760459748252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317858685245918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725724196970547,0.0,0.10607604046817906,0.0,0.11246716731254594,0.13120495699457205,0.14161699216338738,0.0,0.0,0.10698667546008322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420523270451688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216603047774034,0.1065053458630034,0.0,0.1399966164822873,0.13988350347500395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851124540160506,0.0,0.2547438935068629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048527705822067,0.0,0.06978524519482096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969018936877526,0.0,0.0,0.22425248321154906,0.11237388066718512,0.0,0.0,0.138614381069189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44615461278359575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415454406910614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604537569383126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690661903446866,0.0,0.0,0.12765062697807714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078767778620242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427315724876825,0.0,0.0,0.10759029388856807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987755864774451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138896222870354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436030248514377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404343899998775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967051277909642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224048166630858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706102345682885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Forsaken9146,2018/03/02,"I’ve decided. We know when we’re born, but not when we’ll die. I’ve decided that I’ll know when I’ll die. As I sit writing this I’m 21. I’ve chosen to die on my birthday. My story will come to an end once I reach 22. I feel like this is sufficient enough time. 7 months. I know the usual responses are don’t do it today, just live for another. I’m just saddened guys by my own stupid mistakes, that I feel I will never be able to correct. I feel so inadequate, so useless. I never wanted to be average. I had set myself up for peak success and I’ll never be able to reach that. I feel that I’m slowly drowning in it. I can’t stop feeling sorry for myself or giving myself pity. And I fucking hate it and myself. I just don’t want to deal with any of this shit anymore. I was unconquerable, I could do it all, and now I’ve fallen from grace. Fuck it. Rant’s over guys. Live everyday like it’s your last, because it might be.",-0.7926961538461512,1.314518415000002,2.041999999999998,94.12330769230772,92.35,4.876923076923077,18.19230769230769,6.490185161304077,-0.021296153846153576,713,21,163,9,26,248,110,200,0.215,0.626,0.16,-0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,0,1,9,12,5,0,2,0,18,3,1,0,5,35,36,12,4,4,6,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,14,7,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,2,5,25,4,18,25,3,24,0,2,0,2,8,4,3,2,18,98,39,1,0.2590676629193421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808744729692662,0.13582751654828945,0.0,0.0,0.12846275402916887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896262136825964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158192609322096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342222415675137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354369242346836,0.0,0.0,0.4033069989017837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147285269951473,0.13384307447360871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32748098621081595,0.09253899507687233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395038798082273,0.0,0.124260654386731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25651771685009106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788784109446658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135652185036547,0.10558736128981328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656737408927596,0.0,0.2287614926973891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741492511706466,0.0,0.0,0.10339266844627153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997134289873189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794930297762278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329646165421764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450025192281214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829608324130784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553221880761296,0.0,0.12278292623040485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266321495096232,0.0,0.15280481980152433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LookimaGhost,2018/03/02,"What will happen if I swallow all my pills? Not actually wanting to die from it, so I dont know if this goes here. Woulf I need to go to the hospital right away? What will happen then?


I take Sertraline, but I dont have any at the time.",0.3858823529411737,2.1661887647058826,2.7330980392156867,93.63494117647059,82.92156862745098,6.432941176470589,20.003921568627447,7.554174236665415,0.4190674509803918,181,5,44,3,5,62,38,51,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.457,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,8,12,5,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2506802732759416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468891516337712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413495734910488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666034880787835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6021287753487329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599224986383996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543207091161685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117590902320956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904751256589177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937625931328272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314367752972095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979025693533865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151595954918168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alchymides,2018/03/02,"My second attempt Silly me. I forgot to fix where I post this message. 

This marks my second attempt at my own life. As stated in my two previous misposts, I've taken 300 pills in total, 2,3g altarax, 700mg escitalopram and 190mg Vallergan. 

I'm done with life and everything in it. I'm actually not very scared atm, more excited and at peace. But I would wish that someone kept me company while I wait. Won't someone please talk to me?",2.5768103448275848,4.660008103448277,4.655847701149425,81.05204741379312,77.16091954022987,7.5683908045976995,26.96695402298851,8.472884824447931,2.1066333333333334,343,14,66,7,8,118,63,87,0.023,0.828,0.149,0.8643,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,12,10,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,11,2,9,4,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2527484921090861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650488663815247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277420642802665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658814019486687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28430630846939153,0.0,0.0,0.24805222465963825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593060843078852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389029373342275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817591572892355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530072210334905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137036916819267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29783940190292185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839875180372352,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PleaseHelpMe1977,2018/03/02,"Please Tell Me I'm Not Alone Hello, I'm 40 with a beautiful daughter. I've been fighting depression and anxiety since she was little. I recently lost my job, and feel that I'm not doing her any good.  I'm so tired, and don't know how much longer I can pretend to be happy.  She's the only reason I'm still here.  I've had a very tense relationship with my parents since I was a teen.  Being constantly reminded that I was a mistake, has played havoc with my life.  It's hard to always be told I'm being over dramatic.  I don't know what to do.",1.6036521739130445,3.202885756521741,3.9784782608695686,87.02163043478264,78.39130434782608,7.382608695652173,22.80434782608696,8.238735603445708,1.2440608695652169,422,13,92,8,10,147,73,115,0.208,0.6509999999999999,0.141,-0.7156,2,1,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,5,0,15,2,0,2,0,14,26,5,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,2,12,3,7,15,1,5,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195453238644326,0.0,0.0,0.1622502715323045,0.0,0.0,0.1326023147727063,0.0,0.14916954795715326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071877732230987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794767682120618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859460830832363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635513557973074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075742820296176,0.17467593881498347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935010310382267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432673400153104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772972571582412,0.0,0.19543478461169364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128585168488291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334271080121472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483013973561563,0.0,0.0,0.2165172844633531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404438529106415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004858669372968,0.1925326269860246,0.2093501207549644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32260139358210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557221175410747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043297558704826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411642494563025,0.0,0.18632471318531613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608901173060453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dentynemints,2018/03/02,"Recently It has come to my attention that perhaps giving up is the best option.

I haven’t been happy in a long time and all I see are things being broken right in front of me - heart, trust, relationships, happiness..that I am tired of fixing or mending it all. I’m always the one being hurt nowadays and I think I had enough..i’m too hollow now. I want to say my final goodbyes to the ones that mean dear to me..this world has been relentless at beating me down, and quite frankly I’m too tired to get back up anymore.",4.237142857142857,4.9061359523809545,5.094285714285718,85.25571428571429,70.42857142857143,7.904761904761906,26.42857142857143,7.957251820313856,1.4207142857142858,405,12,84,5,7,132,74,105,0.134,0.7020000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.34,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,0,11,3,1,0,2,12,20,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,3,2,10,4,13,15,3,16,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,2,6,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971813468278553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036324805339144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759803236433403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144013400367372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653482990901471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983361058915402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027231372643773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028617727246357,0.18413634327757727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204334802159564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274621838897833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548690544972434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987009032267109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090902905904286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014115832216755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041629100711752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952789266464665,0.2060829264987788,0.0,0.1639246185175963,0.0,0.1526466863523842,0.0,0.0,0.15295964089449418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752333654153042,0.12299408499806473,0.0,0.0,0.11192783942365002,0.4412375647329944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321733694509815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hngggggggggggggg,2018/03/02,"Do you ever get ""stuck""? It creeps up on you I've been going about my life just like normal, and everything's been fine for a while. But I'm getting stuck and it's creeped up on me. 

I looked at myself today and I hadn't done homework in a week, I've watched 16 hours of Netflix in the past three days, all of my meals lately have been delivered, I've been wearing sweatpants, the dishes are piled up, my room is a mess, I haven't done my laundry, and I haven't spoken to my friends or seen my boyfriend in days. 

It's crazy how much of a mental switch it is going from ""fine"" to ""not fine"", I thought about cutting for the first time in MONTHS today. So that's good because it used to be every day but it's bad because it's today. 

I have a project due tomorrow at 8am that I'm going to fail with a professor whose opinion I really care about. What's weird is all of this was triggered by a really positive impact on my life, I wound up getting the internship I've been working towards for the past year. But in doing that I sort of lost interest in living my actual life, and now I'm Stuck. 

Does anyone have tips for getting unstuck? Or just a hug I'll take a hug",3.1491998094784504,3.77782331983806,4.456227673255537,88.9921005001191,72.88663967611336,7.43119790426292,26.270302452964987,7.5105763829236425,1.1730221005001191,908,29,203,10,17,301,130,247,0.096,0.7829999999999999,0.121,0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,4,9,16,1,0,14,0,21,9,1,3,3,24,41,13,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,2,0,13,6,2,0,1,1,0,3,4,6,0,2,15,3,21,10,35,25,3,40,0,2,3,2,4,17,0,4,21,127,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.13153670541580315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424909672450456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254496878818177,0.16433485150732627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742854706918894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26078739624317915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795663193473804,0.2758762623436112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192629994601666,0.11356734603587755,0.0,0.12114158214683172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465327188978405,0.0,0.0,0.10413929773324024,0.0,0.2816912221896683,0.0,0.2298147274898465,0.11305641021444185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274211789313575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205027311498187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856208979743681,0.06585214075413807,0.0,0.1190230430601278,0.0,0.11319060668524285,0.0,0.14714044821690858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583776242688847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758899921029012,0.0,0.09908699462984846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206669494909742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25734678354046864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270130719412796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134615972029906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070091061031842,0.07859779568284063,0.0,0.3832987102012409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641626418574652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812131926291636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812955276175143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680107263601243
suicidewatch,MizzMizery96,2018/03/02,"I really wanted to die today. I was walking on a busy bridge with cars rushing past, underneath, and all I wanted to do is fling myself off so I would stop breathing. Not in a sad way, but like in a way where my body and mind know it's time to go. ",1.805,2.587024129629629,3.878703703703703,91.2991666666667,76.22222222222223,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.33460740740740746,189,4,45,2,4,65,43,54,0.084,0.818,0.098,0.1793,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,2,2,0,1,12,8,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,9,6,1,16,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224081371967858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012391127153595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495874127238047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951668853773093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180404842906574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29307504894738107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27708146871401257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594493852942948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266637659396206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925016404613966,0.0,0.2751280279411909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34240012046147017,0.4607821969371114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618899397354545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeyondWikipedia,2018/03/02,"Need to go to the doctor but don't have money? Find a no-contract health insurance policy with a free first few Doctor visits, pay, then cancel before the end of the month to get a full refund. Three words: Health Insurance Innovations. Fuckers have a Better Business rating of like 0, they deserve it. 

I don't know if this works with insurance companies besides Health Insurance Innovations. If that company is available in your area, you can call and ask about the no-contract plan with a free first few Dr. visits. Got seen and prescribed something with $0 total loss. The only problem after that is if you need to buy medication without Insurance. ",6.7077521008403345,8.051833252100844,6.870073529411767,72.30158088235295,65.21848739495798,9.64747899159664,32.52205882352941,9.827888789773867,3.381343697478991,523,21,84,11,8,168,79,119,0.122,0.7559999999999999,0.122,0.2617,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,6,1,7,1,0,10,0,7,8,0,0,1,18,15,7,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,6,3,3,3,0,3,2,1,5,6,14,13,4,12,0,1,1,1,8,3,1,3,7,54,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664916789138112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168624997109434,0.0,0.0,0.15765660799640133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202353399142268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649136143854513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788557395076608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629265388390928,0.3032559686608732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313356592486907,0.0,0.10130934577611156,0.0,0.14257091862381227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5684465801648471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796711123931863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708890031496651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957833750005567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422855433385919,0.0,0.0,0.26435527070957404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557486945733208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705708797717179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723336505565445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183641408414618,0.0,0.12977550525391834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm_me_dem_bois,2018/03/02,"I've been pushing myself towards the edge and idk what to do, i'm scared, i need help but i have no one I can't do this anymore, this is my last shot, please someone help ",1.2643859649122788,2.2881036842105296,2.7026315789473685,98.24675438596493,77.94736842105263,5.066666666666666,23.192982456140356,3.1291,-0.2316070175438596,132,4,33,0,3,43,31,38,0.14800000000000002,0.645,0.207,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650797396757007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934910412363552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30006990480662193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729590194934056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24945011006682125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040892185360638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36855598995933264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119099711775568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigidiot112211,2018/03/02,"Teetering back and forth Just lost my first job out of college after 2 years there. I was so close to finding a new one before they told me I wouldn't be needed. Following this I was fired from my job.

Right now I'm teetering between getting high and killing myself. I'm trying to build a new schedule but I figure I might be really close to throwing myself under a train or swallowing some pills.

I have already called the suicide hotline twice in the past 24 hours.

I do not want to call my parents and feel further like a huge fucking loser.

I feel pointless and worthless and feel completely hung up over the fact that I am not wanted or needed by former job.

Right now I am trying to make plans to move out of town and into a new area with new friends and it's the only thing giving me hope, otherwise if I end up back home I may further try and act on such impulses.

Tldr god hates me, I wish I was never alive ",3.4588922841864047,4.717433181818183,4.511264323911384,86.50958556149733,72.79679144385027,7.054087089381207,26.191367456073337,7.447530270364453,1.2976725744843391,723,24,146,8,14,236,123,187,0.149,0.7340000000000001,0.117,-0.7390000000000001,4,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,4,8,9,3,0,9,0,12,3,0,1,2,39,31,13,2,8,7,1,4,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,14,1,0,5,0,0,4,4,6,0,3,5,4,23,3,22,21,1,40,0,3,0,1,7,19,1,7,18,97,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312384055142738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289435251303665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119773492184003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428746092135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246922252813396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533362426519828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039851147214173,0.08496115127250431,0.0,0.0,0.10869671240678266,0.10115886290239556,0.0,0.0,0.09188235772525973,0.10994567936379107,0.062134214001510625,0.11408518371959232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741534694768377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256524298764706,0.11929302659475932,0.11812089857149224,0.117118696082513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540487514130509,0.0,0.13157460743471724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810150524775973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298223782299016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938439578218935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616227602506808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640010192657214,0.0,0.17636506021842244,0.09172348715421566,0.4594400132996333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058770830338854,0.09044900051270728,0.0,0.0,0.13205386006177675,0.0,0.11352884904832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618739338860482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312524824664926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008634343055114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900951555198774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363941526427633,0.0,0.2422299632599869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029192125482348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367596636013938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658479921103452
suicidewatch,name2018,2018/03/02,"Not suicidal, but very depressed, disappointed, and stressed. Looking for some advice, coping mechanisms etc. I come from a family that had lots of debt but my parents worked insanely hard to provide for the family. Since I was a child I was seen as the beacon of hope, it was always I will get educated and bring the family out of the cheque to cheque living? Parents worked overtime, double shifts to make sure I always had everything I could need. I did really good throughout the younger years and decently in undergrad as well. All the siblings/cousins were told to look up to me and follow my footsteps. Never really enjoyed life, always felt guilt if I hung out with friends because I knew the efforts everyone was putting in for my education. Basically kept isolating myself from the rest of my life. Tried really hard in grad school, studied all day pretty much (I guess studied hard, not smartly or didnt study properly, idk) but it was not enough... failed. Now, I'm completely lost. Not only have I essentially wasted the years of my life I was suppose to remember in old age, but I have destroyed the people who were depending on me, looking up to me. Disappointing in my self, and having trouble how to face my parents, younger siblings, cousins with my failure status. Long story short, I was wondering if there is anyone else who has been through this or going through that can offer advice?",6.66886488970588,7.9128274765625015,6.692316176470588,73.90341911764708,65.25,9.929779411764708,34.59007352941177,10.056822442137396,3.677054044117648,1118,50,187,25,17,356,153,256,0.184,0.722,0.095,-0.9786,4,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,5,4,16,1,2,12,0,22,4,1,3,4,40,42,16,1,5,12,4,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,7,10,0,1,4,0,3,5,6,9,1,0,20,8,26,7,34,20,9,24,0,5,4,0,11,11,0,10,8,132,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453500424525825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612436412758062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317710012477925,0.1072312550008298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379662140367086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901508811525224,0.10972861257282393,0.0,0.0,0.0835583769247309,0.0,0.0,0.06749371636579264,0.0,0.0901390636046866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874256929708881,0.0,0.0,0.10813642963895356,0.11671781508521753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000218812681748,0.09405702541579956,0.0,0.2959778180498921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004850621101898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085607270513158,0.0,0.054677836411257015,0.0,0.05947775949807741,0.08777951765620824,0.0,0.0,0.11528910932687447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812505511906681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394587382542103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176243354240552,0.0,0.0,0.09241214443281097,0.09261624345889573,0.2636511323647617,0.0,0.11424312471712145,0.08897380569822459,0.0,0.0,0.06985792088847377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769333519268272,0.07760024059409476,0.08071626729785791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981765371871197,0.0,0.0,0.0795947246307046,0.0,0.0,0.3486204568914628,0.0,0.0,0.07255449141073826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647160023063973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520702387147007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113371831826526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855353677233292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591628917164177,0.0,0.0,0.10917782644703393,0.0,0.0,0.08657156825698364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198817699704413,0.0,0.0,0.11447541293853565,0.0,0.09863595173353444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000218812681748,0.0,0.0710537692095177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635120646922774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409727310931093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349371381426901,0.1523799454256094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347885763147532
suicidewatch,darkqualia,2018/03/02,"I'm thinking about ending it all Forgive me if this is a bit long. It's the first time I share my problems and suicidal thoughts. I don't even know where to begin..

I spent 26 years of my life studying and I had a masters degree in chemistry, but the job market in my country is really bad and it's been 3 years (now I'm 29) that I'm unemployed and living with my mom and my stepdad. To make it worse, I've been diagnosed with a medical condition that is so rare and so expensive to fix. It's a degenerative eye disease. So I am progressively losing my sight. Now I can still read, thankfully, but I don't know for how long. But working with computers or any screen becomes unbearable after an hour or two. I need to rest due to photophibia, a symptom of my condition. All of this makes the prospects of getting a job even harder. Now my mom will leave the country with her husband and I can't go with them. I have no idea where to stay or what to do. I have no friends I can reach to for help. The worst thing is that my mom blames me for all of this. I really have nothing in life. No real friends, no money, a medical condition that is rare and weird, and my girlfriend (it was an online long distance RS) just left me. I'm really thinking about ending it all. ",1.3955384615384645,3.4934425538461547,3.2869230769230766,89.30807692307694,81.15384615384616,6.76923076923077,24.615384615384606,7.882392219407189,1.3785000000000007,984,38,211,18,26,330,131,260,0.14300000000000002,0.765,0.092,-0.9403,4,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,5,15,10,0,0,14,0,20,7,1,3,4,39,37,20,1,3,8,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,0,16,14,0,0,7,1,3,1,7,5,0,2,6,3,28,5,27,30,7,25,0,1,3,0,12,6,0,4,17,146,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953459533066108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765399447158406,0.0,0.1291695329630768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276864709791648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870863143840807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717791802238394,0.0,0.0,0.1544976503887632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948334518930277,0.0,0.0,0.18072097783876045,0.0,0.06110507060110412,0.0,0.06646921187571474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839363897117647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517883195009468,0.0,0.0,0.13202992594856214,0.0,0.0,0.23212303987409424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855273368774325,0.0,0.0,0.12384030279595964,0.1270738426383959,0.0,0.16522001171077216,0.0,0.0,0.10327494613162452,0.3105091093655493,0.0,0.13084467817385745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613906723850207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356432266369325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109349688505808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867219424064226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222314850577833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119118069563803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698839238057113,0.13312237774163818,0.22477645175385694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246603256222523,0.09340180542015923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279316931468715,0.0,0.0,0.12156283710867498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767805460700312,0.0,0.0,0.077700862617267,0.14988231582317094,0.0,0.09285058913186026,0.06819841693267054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424974267461625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514590128796025,0.0,0.11918891222141632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063261483110973
suicidewatch,havemercyletmerest,2018/03/02,"Nothing will change the fact that I am a burden. I have worked so hard the past year to make my life better. Things were actually looking up. College is almost done with. I'm getting into shape. I am converting to a beautiful religion. But I am back to wanting to put a gun in my mouth. I fell in love with my best friend, my only true friend, and like every other time in my life, my emotions have destroyed me. Every single thing I used to like is grey. She can't stand me now. She needs space now. My brain has shot the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me in the foot.

How can I be this fucking pathetic? I'm 25, and I am just now feeling amorous feelings for someone? What a damn loser I must be to her. I come across as an awkward teenager, and I treat love that way. I could not be satisfied with having the greatest friend possible, could I? I could not be satisfied with being friends with the person who changed my life and allowed me to feel human. I had to FEEL! I had to want something more. I don't deserve more. I ruined it. The only thing that has ever made me happy is gone, and it was my doing. 

If I was not such a coward, I would have gone through with this already. I would be dead, and I would have never ruined her life with my disgusting fucking love. People like me deserve bullets.

I have no direction. I have nobody. 

Why can't I go back to suppressing my emotions? My life was SO much better back then. I've opened up, and now I've made my life worse than I could have ever imagined. I'm starting to hate every single person I see again. I have no thoughts of peace.

I just want to rest. ",1.3637593582887708,3.5476965666666693,2.8559001782531186,91.8744385026738,81.81818181818181,5.336898395721925,22.4331550802139,6.522977012572876,0.496096256684492,1257,42,263,12,34,410,163,330,0.121,0.652,0.226,0.9901,1,0,1,1,0,1,44.0,0,0,0,5,17,28,6,1,13,0,45,14,3,6,7,58,77,14,1,13,7,0,5,3,4,5,6,0,0,3,15,17,0,1,7,0,0,6,9,11,0,0,12,8,52,17,33,50,9,36,0,3,3,5,15,11,3,4,20,200,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.08309647329572238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526784301147032,0.0,0.09396780699350013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643085211756475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936220566803807,0.15062078180590852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950582563217756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015992774328915,0.07335126529395837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271949096669124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714048445372342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157001051490674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310757023026327,0.2152337457587539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222247752352474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26315417725479423,0.15744407039602915,0.04448862210804416,0.0,0.048394079572583966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529999903743632,0.0906463287767065,0.07627983787000951,0.08407038028860235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608740122568989,0.12480350572133812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150658210584061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305601363283277,0.16114654724494604,0.0568398979850839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259682251569729,0.06313943648606456,0.06567479164276115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170603841112785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295244968822586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128761496120533,0.05903396261577615,0.14870360794692514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959965531102986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560169595822181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785544974008881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214936458625194,0.06555448895301028,0.0,0.0,0.06027131735242314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262859222937341,0.0,0.0,0.06760150559947085,0.049653057748526616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354434610110293,0.0,0.0,0.15067530111587762,0.06759002321490867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683680959303972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234416130778,0.061991972011246586,0.0,0.08677758528261358,0.1814694966337772,0.0,0.0,0.054835363190356236
suicidewatch,fastestapm,2018/03/02,"One of my acquaintances came up to me today... I was walking by myself in school and he happened to pass by me and he asked ""Hey man! How are you doing?""

I gave the typical answer of ""Doing okay.""

He jokingly replied saying ""Only okay? Well at least you don't hate everything and want to kill yourself. haha""

I didn't know how to respond to that so I just gave kind of a nervous laugh. 

Little did he know.",-0.4700562851782379,1.737234658536586,1.8358536585365848,93.13513133208255,98.75609756097559,4.474296435272045,18.50281425891182,6.297961479604792,0.15306078799249526,310,10,64,4,13,104,58,82,0.079,0.747,0.173,0.7548,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,5,10,2,1,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,11,16,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,1,1,6,1,10,7,13,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,1,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497044444825893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305493690996781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400541803184668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23619754001982105,0.0,0.0,0.2637080646286126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29550894310552656,0.2781457757146273,0.29358470131123016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677065142309256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809953225195575,0.2031432133265008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241034218565027,0.0,0.2703216252807544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531815970037416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754376237385478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401569012692184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3601621201314201619,2018/03/02,"I crave death like a smoker craves a cig I day dream about it constantly. My brain is tricking me into thinking death will feel good. That feeling I get when I think about dying makes me happy, just for a moment before I remember about my family. I don’t want my family to fall apart from the pain of my death. I know I am their emotional rock. I wish they were mine as well. 

Last month, I had spine surgery from on the job injury. I worked my ass off and at times I loved it. But because I was too nice, my boss took advantage of my open schedule and would write me down for double shifts. Before I knew it, I was having panic attacks from hearing the alarm go off. 4 hours of “sleep” a night and walking back and forth, 10miles a day on the floor of a nursing facility until one day it was time for the devil to mess with my life and during a transfer, a gentleman fell on me. I herniated a disk. Now I can’t feel my feet. 
3 weeks ago, I couldn’t feel my legs from the hip down. I had a terrible panic attack and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. The doctor was a handsome fellow that reminded me of a bully that used to live next door when I was a kid. 
The doctor believed me that I had numbness in the legs, and sent for a MRI. Sure enough there was a fluid pocket pushing on the nerves.

In my head it was just one more thing to deal with. Why carry on? All this is costing money and time. My freedom is gone. I am a free spirit.. I used to be I should say. I loved life when I lived it on the edge. That excitement when drifting around dirt corners going 55mph on a Atv. Man, i want to go so badly. That feeling of being alive and free. Nothing else mattered. Just me and the road. 

I am I unsure on where this post is leading, I just wanted to write this down so someone out there would know that I existed even if it’s just for a moment. 
That fearless kid that I used to be, had such high hopes for my future self. I was going to conquer the world, I was going to lead and save people. I wanted to change the world.  Now I can’t even save myself.

I’m tired of all the medications. Doctors want to help, they really do. But sometimes it takes a few fuck ups to get it correct.  One day I hope these terrible feelings will go away. Sometimes I wonder other depressed people are just like me.. looking for a adrenaline rush? This boring life, the insecurities and the constant thoughts of suicide.. are we just looking for excitement and just don’t know where to find it?
",2.054850680720244,3.867192974308303,3.487032938076414,90.0898730786122,77.75494071146245,6.157856829161178,22.31163812033377,7.03164865440522,0.6068695300834421,1919,56,408,21,45,630,247,506,0.146,0.6990000000000001,0.155,-0.4992,1,0,1,0,0,1,60.0,1,0,3,5,31,37,4,4,38,0,39,23,9,7,4,75,85,24,5,13,11,0,6,2,1,5,11,2,1,4,26,20,0,0,16,2,4,17,5,17,1,3,21,10,65,22,64,55,6,77,2,1,2,4,18,31,2,4,30,283,91,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695483437232587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698443149279715,0.0,0.17851475869644293,0.07371393791763901,0.06032941165091243,0.06550920989532982,0.04782731025841186,0.0,0.13352407495041546,0.08839537579444529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758515194479795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299823316949022,0.0,0.0,0.1695705983424815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239585370483412,0.08088682340982314,0.067575819323498,0.0,0.08142708803914386,0.0,0.0,0.2409154725967997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554164860577913,0.08825476675176003,0.0,0.08106815779246837,0.0,0.103641628408737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792656854464126,0.0,0.2380245406219183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170925310470924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253321995390298,0.08198220497455389,0.0,0.26753716993791177,0.06580690533300948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352007270437645,0.0,0.0,0.08052061330345553,0.0,0.0884279452145274,0.0,0.05258878940498299,0.0828952568824088,0.0,0.15585312977856494,0.07726539317255725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785752658115201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935550756532516,0.063953797382477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625176191670213,0.07666129827338201,0.0,0.1385598235827235,0.0,0.13177003452689115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162293982736726,0.0,0.05237136987552727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790382496778638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626244816412929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344104580153003,0.07362758227227753,0.0,0.07528263262921651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949565291991938,0.0,0.08348491645345837,0.1841072769998696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878589163478768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514114168759731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026224763308117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887769697967343,0.0,0.0,0.06239300504608902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818488763814204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851472985116265,0.0,0.06647726672596159,0.0,0.15519407157602655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858203925397235,0.0,0.07394580092797898,0.0,0.05899070318903371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212405437981223,0.10054552443029163,0.0,0.062286942436481765,0.13724859183322646,0.0901760079460767,0.0,0.0,0.08716980080856539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328774092409915,0.0,0.0,0.2313830075227813,0.0,0.06293432993068747,0.0,0.07054322590209416,0.0,0.0707962033342943,0.0,0.0902229066046278,0.0,0.0850844283528487,0.05711840820626232,0.0,0.0,0.11146872139973832,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuixotiCurio,2018/03/02,"In the midst of a problem and I'm slipping again Hi!
I shouldn't be speaking to anyone because my brain is just on an anxiety hyper-ride with my depression as conductor, but I'm in a loop and an absolute wreck. 

My depression got the better of me last semester and was forced to drop a class to save my scholarships. This semester, I just found out that there will not be as many exams as expected for my physics class and it's likely that the end grade for my class will be sickly. I don't know if the future final will be enough to pull it up. I don't want to drop again. I don't want to lose my scholarship. I'm just devastated that I wasn't strong enough to get myself together.

I know it's not for certain, but it definitely feels as if I've ruined any chance of getting into the field I aspire to, and I know death will just come so much easier than possibly facing another career choice simply because I wasn't anywhere near decent enough to succeed for the first one. I don't wanna go through with this degree if it's tarnished. I'll feel awful that I'd be the last and final disappointment to my mom's life, I know this is letting my father win, but I'm just too weak to rise up to my mistakes. I'm really truly sorry if you've read this. I'm just beside myself right now. I can't believe I've become such a letdown. ",3.7302679080372414,4.47921434296029,5.261132433973022,83.30957058711762,71.63537906137184,8.430856925707772,26.131293938818175,8.6894789155246,1.7330332129963897,1051,32,219,18,19,356,142,277,0.211,0.675,0.114,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,13,15,0,0,13,1,21,5,2,0,1,42,41,18,1,11,15,2,2,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,13,11,0,0,7,1,2,4,10,8,0,2,5,3,26,7,36,25,4,25,0,5,0,0,4,9,0,4,11,143,39,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302350341139604,0.14343872863519908,0.104645789759055,0.0,0.0,0.0956484067144274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677471997714158,0.15107642706025115,0.0,0.15411815932927114,0.0,0.12098173625301313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270552651641114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117834515598967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356381382103781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211574389974392,0.4240292599098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833266633445535,0.0,0.0,0.29969871317902497,0.0,0.1163555212938465,0.0,0.1499857747409114,0.0,0.0,0.14293673639461166,0.0,0.0777422570890946,0.0,0.1094053556872768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30071003972622273,0.2230080803689256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987946779705454,0.09662049740185788,0.06682984305174655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303567354389505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386859942611365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020957219018436,0.0,0.0,0.10055813256406412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269405112396893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421284540342128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089182528560694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682938943064518,0.0,0.08763269593395699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681993781644792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312786050673527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613673697248893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,krisofgotham,2018/03/02,"I'm ending my life tomorrow. Hi. I never thought I'd post on here. I don't even know where to begin. 

I'm 22. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, and have had suicidal thoughts since I was 10. I Believe I have BPD, but it hasn't been diagnosed. I've attempted suicide a handful of times but never succeeded, mostly because I wasn't 100% committed to the idea. 

I don't have a bad life. I'm not close to my family, but we're not estranged either. My parents love me, but didn't really know how to handle my emotional issues and I never got the help I needed when I was a child, so I've been trying to play catch up on my own since I've had access to resources. Medications don't work. Therapy doesn't work. Meditation doesn't work. Healthy diet and exercise doesn't work. I'm at a loss for what to do. 

I was bullied severely as a child and I thought, once that stopped, I'd be happy. But I wasn't. Then I was fighting with my parents all the time, and I thought once I moved out and went to college, I'd be happy. I wasn't. I went to school for 3 years but then dropped out because my depression got In the way. I lost all my friends and my apartment and I recently had to move back home.

Since the beginning of this year, I've moved back in with my parents, my car has broke down for the third time, I've started a miserable job I'll probably be stuck in the rest of my life, and worst of all, this week I lost my best friend of 7 years. She was the most important person in my life. My soulmate. She's cut off all contact with me and I don't blame her. I was so motivated at the start of this year to be a better person but without her by my side, I don't want to be anything. All the color has drained from the world. I can't eat. I can't sleep. And it's not her fault I feel this way. It's the realization that I'm such a terrible person that the best friend I've ever known, who's been there through thick and thin, who just the night before she stopped talking to me was telling me how everything was going to be okay, could completely cut me off. I hurt her so bad that all the promises of our future together are no more. And I cannot forgive myself for that. 

I'm going to make an exit bag, but a real shitty one since I have no car to go get supplies. I only have stores I can walk to available to me. I just so happened to find out I have the day off work tomorrow, so my parents will leave me at home alone before they go off to work. I'll then go pick up my supplies and come home and hopefully within the hour I'll be gone. 

I don't know why I'm writing this out. I guess I want to tell someone. It seems weird to die and just not say goodbye. So. Goodbye. If it doesn't work or I change my mind, I'll update by Saturday night and let everyone know. If I don't update, you'll know it worked. 

I just want to urge anyone out there who's thinking of suicide... please, don't do it. I know I sound like a hypocrite but one day everything's going to work out for you, no matter what you're dealing with. The world wouldn't be the same without you in it. I'm sure after I'm gone, there will be people who will wish I hadn't done it. But I'm being selfish. I don't want to suffer anymore. Don't make my same mistake. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. It's good to know my final thoughts will be read by someone. 

🖤",1.3929407559646163,2.881301742382273,3.2685104101510127,92.37028594406222,78.66759002770083,6.486319363774463,23.41801447591815,7.29689223291831,0.7433313555535697,2606,85,605,33,62,876,278,722,0.163,0.693,0.145,-0.6977,5,1,0,0,3,2,84.0,1,4,1,18,23,40,3,1,31,1,70,12,2,6,12,112,130,45,4,12,24,4,4,1,3,6,7,2,3,5,26,29,2,2,21,4,1,18,36,21,0,3,34,7,88,19,82,77,17,97,0,10,1,1,41,33,0,8,42,382,114,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771331580464545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526328936648875,0.038963555121080025,0.0,0.04585614952232843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569671778437847,0.09305451717583242,0.06793773380912863,0.0,0.0948341335952088,0.06278192813095411,0.1169579162921933,0.04928339855374935,0.0,0.0,0.07018249694902459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058948661771180015,0.048001339503897664,0.05842561179727749,0.0,0.0,0.04449112385682357,0.0,0.0,0.07187481147683795,0.057449054188825635,0.0959900943692756,0.056558743156785274,0.05783277171731474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702505556017747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570196201070677,0.0,0.06268206197016131,0.04935497322814839,0.0,0.0,0.036805212985707235,0.050405598289631016,0.0,0.053246722849959634,0.10016237560833202,0.0,0.052531680031682834,0.0,0.028175756684902083,0.0,0.0,0.061042978821027785,0.05093077702631544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915680070739688,0.0,0.029113518973540163,0.0,0.1900155887617858,0.046738693783539766,0.08913523504034658,0.0,0.06138632930873394,0.0,0.04927659807849093,0.11863858612268552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03735065966114706,0.0,0.1676873128109314,0.05534656029686227,0.05487696972350251,0.0,0.05965375372092532,0.06290567568887008,0.0,0.05816143617882232,0.055297526531686465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437138441630885,0.0,0.0,0.05900372865413204,0.0,0.0569816219740101,0.15743819288421465,0.02722395869336611,0.0,0.0,0.04931403541496837,0.0,0.0,0.12165877793817287,0.0,0.050293135529013364,0.0,0.07439247924667079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056136123256165536,0.0,0.0,0.0562654107198561,0.0,0.0,0.1776775561500078,0.0,0.04131868093490133,0.128933480200712,0.0,0.0,0.10458650211348523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868860053594665,0.07552012405492987,0.042380655084820494,0.0,0.0,0.2474998756945269,0.0,0.0,0.038632043638566566,0.14596828715719726,0.0,0.06116827910985592,0.0,0.0,0.10673648286939054,0.0,0.06007995647676235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114782700601012,0.06342617449023834,0.035698256727119584,0.0,0.05502078201780603,0.0,0.0631244919100532,0.0,0.0,0.04431400538176082,0.0,0.05639571893833587,0.0,0.05072908710443006,0.0,0.06295232127776636,0.0,0.18438205755339088,0.0,0.05576429855561206,0.0,0.0944296224643428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888354631611552,0.0,0.0,0.09317561079319278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285921638463476,0.0,0.052519262661904376,0.0,0.041897554648340433,0.044788884867911966,0.09741056095496703,0.051303223365856535,0.0637253136457542,0.0,0.0,0.035705724603460144,0.0,0.2211933773910041,0.12997257908732893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037832975731954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314699663276469,0.08846232272648699,0.04469847594591553,0.0,0.0,0.1033135150942744,0.05028229259428504,0.0,0.06407991353970208,0.10743200160121917,0.0,0.3651099834191624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353785853707002
suicidewatch,Justanothertw999,2018/03/02,"Just scared of a bad day Not really suicidal, I guess. I do frequently imagine myself dying, sometimes I wish I was dead, but I don't think I would take my life. 

But some days are really hard. And the feeling of emptiness, hopelessness... Of not being needed, of not belonging. Those feelings are ever present, each day a bit more.

Everyday that passes, I feel like another piece of me dies. And there aren't many pieces left.

Fuck, I just want to be happy, nothing more. And I feel that that happiness is stolen from me, taken away.

And so I'm scared. Because everyday I take the train to work, and would be so easy. Scared of a bad day where everything goes wrong, and I just don't care anymore. 
Scared because this is one of those days. And I ""survived"" this one, but I know there will be more.",1.8168880455407963,4.283870870967744,2.8110436432637584,91.14833017077801,82.2258064516129,6.485768500948768,22.02087286527514,7.724431198458867,1.0380512333965846,615,20,126,11,17,195,88,155,0.25,0.612,0.138,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,1,4,5,0,16,2,0,0,1,32,32,12,4,5,9,0,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,9,0,2,2,5,17,4,11,23,8,14,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,2,11,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331702628815405,0.0,0.0,0.11663060047211905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049191376114376,0.0,0.19638722810882173,0.14337942564957926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283920449864058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990412238123467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37922111212797416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441067467998951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637866951222352,0.0,0.0,0.10569401627943606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378544931789133,0.08401562495267265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872210209308288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955299132806167,0.0,0.0,0.25038121503933874,0.1053492113064189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463154725865748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777603136425175,0.0,0.08306649488216088,0.05745489792652191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923100938516358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720115330441514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128432747884551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593817074087608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067901913260132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709645783656646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631239937268248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286386222106522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684567867625073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535527017179185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936531146000152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523767549871735,0.0,0.0,0.08561640324726097,0.0,0.0,0.16708363031325255,0.12858044680906788,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deaddack8706,2018/03/02,"Best way to live stream a suicide? Would like some ideas on the best way to stream a suicide, preferably on a phone. Unfortunately don't have a Facebook account (No friends, or family who cares), but will sign up if that's the best way. I don't want to die alone, and an audience will make it tougher to back out. Would also like the last chance to say goodbye to this community that's help me cope so we'll up to this point. Thanks ",2.9999188311688307,4.496452011363637,3.526493506493509,92.17045454545458,74.3409090909091,6.846753246753247,25.07142857142857,7.447530270364453,0.8664883116883111,339,11,77,4,7,106,61,88,0.103,0.578,0.319,0.9755,0,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,1,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,8,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,12,6,3,5,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,12,7,4,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,4,48,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362716177011925,0.0,0.13406371625401955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890680144146974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277916569834173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092279023632734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398653795192856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803851121274476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952024685857802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236729231011627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924807519395653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366510833607022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380340010530642,0.0,0.14803147567305242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190272858661736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847643158509847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331611386087794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667475613639543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434277061508125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887994128057494,0.3992006473146345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23817696780394934,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redspade117,2018/03/02,Falling off the wagon Thinking about all the progress I've lost and all the work it's going to take to get back on track is just too overwhelming. I've fallen off the wagon so many times that I'm not sure if I even want to get back on anymore.,4.554842767295597,3.9359771886792463,5.103773584905665,89.93729559748428,69.56603773584905,7.821383647798742,27.10062893081761,6.42735559955562,0.8911308176100636,193,5,45,1,3,62,38,53,0.154,0.7709999999999999,0.075,-0.5043,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,9,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,8,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,27,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30603628196230065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745701022821706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038194010544489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224488879919608,0.0,0.17537761796349985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368601516041208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31285970113452743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908404487083812,0.0,0.2320197005078326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773066944941908,0.0,0.0,0.17994008914830034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820131417521985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246556702847501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vaderrader28,2018/03/03,"I don't know what to do anymore I am so fed up. I'm at university and everyone says this should be one of the happiest times of my life but I hate it. I have had anxiety for most of my life, but since starting uni I have developed severe depression. I've attempted suicide twice since new years, tried to prepare for it by researching methods or practicing making a noose multiple times, and it's got to the stage where I think about suicide every day. Tonight I cut myself with a razor blade (not deeply) to self harm and it made me feel better for a little while but now I feel worse because its the first time I have self harmed in 4 years and I feel I broke my promise that I'd never do it again. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, or that the ground would swallow me",4.606441717791412,4.713030165644174,5.390312883435584,85.44878220858898,69.42944785276073,8.973987730061351,28.56993865030675,8.841846274778883,1.9206053987730056,619,20,135,10,10,202,106,163,0.255,0.6759999999999999,0.069,-0.9902,0,0,1,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,2,0,7,0,12,6,2,2,2,27,26,12,2,4,7,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,10,6,2,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,3,4,4,19,2,18,18,1,24,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,3,15,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630943419200634,0.0,0.15078185378990522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268157544959027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446615791761374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139078598524565,0.0,0.0,0.09805259006034947,0.0,0.1309509851873202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809943178443395,0.14527979915040534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306264904017301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932431278853435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640727883712752,0.0,0.1215994933657738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010705556751522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355666925765234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214779312383906,0.0,0.15238304017755575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438629969245526,0.10148722648820467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345237303474275,0.14684023298299428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302557478917436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090753114615535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172197127884522,0.17176081647422214,0.0,0.2515364970326565,0.0,0.1521488208157153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761400093457256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326120220145516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742046498387102,0.0,0.0,0.26596552577622595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032245145130956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483736970735125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494075049162145,0.10800415763357894,0.0,0.0,0.19581628823904831
suicidewatch,BurgBurgBurgBurgBurg,2018/03/03,"Need people to keep me up....having trouble seeing the light of day. Background: I live at home, I'm 20, barely alive anymore. I'm Anti-Trump and got into a heated argument with my family. 4 people have told me I'll change my mind about Trump and what it means to be an american when ""I move out and have a job, understand what it means to work, and don't have SJWs for friends"". I couldn't keep myself from commenting that if they wanted me to change I'd have to be dead and 6 feet under and that ""maybe they'd be doing america a favor"". This is....the 5th or 6th time I've personally told my family to kill me if it's such an issue I have a non-conservative opinion, among other issues over the years since I was diagnosed with depression. 




Immediately my mom starts lying, saying that every day for a month I've told her I want to be dead (not true in the slightest) and told me that she'll beat the shit out of me then call the cops and have me thrown into ""the nut house"" until I stop thinking I want to be dead. I told her that won't happen and she just told me to do every one a favor and do it myself. She's never said that to me, that I remember.....



TL;DR: Got into an argument, told parent that since it's so important for america to be christian they should kill me as a favor to this shithole, they told me to do it myself. None of my friends are online to help me rn and I'm desperate....",4.133919330289197,4.162989636986303,5.688721461187214,83.17081430745817,70.43835616438356,8.81765601217656,24.78386605783865,8.680891452615391,1.4426637747336382,1082,25,235,17,18,370,145,292,0.14,0.785,0.07400000000000001,-0.9741,2,0,0,0,0,6,48.0,0,0,4,2,5,11,3,0,16,0,24,3,2,0,2,41,51,19,5,8,5,2,0,0,2,3,1,2,1,1,19,18,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,12,4,39,6,36,28,1,22,1,1,1,0,27,10,1,4,11,155,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791424277293647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051874433966932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875540533869786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434027358612965,0.0,0.07635173871223509,0.08997508352865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493782476061574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713745868251112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697727687862754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179859329386266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839046238756517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941837698808049,0.0,0.08892041050154517,0.0,0.0,0.10228701402052884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504937649796332,0.08796870812394171,0.1575874816568402,0.19615007580315166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827713782911384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890580685077192,0.1931256663920249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895084428460379,0.10382257717672952,0.0707573819619602,0.09421798802145333,0.0,0.06573080590043813,0.06837021713006289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006966465909831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843227035303202,0.0,0.0,0.12291367025702644,0.07740335149183257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042004322066077,0.0,0.0843238261331523,0.0704958440229173,0.0,0.0,0.07064037381988858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099511891396224,0.14665982749618828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274497339123722,0.0,0.0,0.07411306277360892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680157256574195,0.0,0.0,0.051690919065329084,0.0,0.0,0.6776499007796271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228490411531308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685931840433393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453624717661179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708591674144658
suicidewatch,suicide_self_harm,2018/03/03,"My Story. I'm twelve. Normally I'm not comfortable saying that, but I truly hope that puts this in perspective. I live in a state where around about nothing happens. New Jersey, to be precise. I live in a town of 44000, and 43980 of them are people I hate. Nothing fun happens here, nothing interesting. I myself believe I have something mentally wrong with me. Depression, anything. I have the thirst of learning, and even when I learn something, I'll become good at it. But the horrible part that eats away at me from the inside out is the fact that I have not, and never will be a master of anything. I can be good at twenty different skill sets, while not being great at any single one of them. I put hours in, to find I have a slightly better result than last time. 

The depression and self harm came around three or four weeks ago. I met a girl named Olivia. She was in my seventh period science class. We didn't talk much at first. But then we made small talk and she found me funny. She brought up music. Since then, my music tastes changed greatly. We became friends outside of the classroom, and still are now. But after me making the occasional ironically-emo-razor-blade jokes (Which I now realize were not too funny.) she came clean with me and mentioned that she wasn't a huge fan of the jokes because she herself had cuts. I was concerned, as anyone would be. But that night after I hung up, I took one of my pins, and broke it apart. I used the pin to scratch and poke my skin. I now realize that she had triggered me to start cutting. I told her about me cutting, and she was worried as well. She got sick for a week. During this week, I cut multiple times every day. I didn't realize it then, but I see that she was sort of my therapy, and still is. 

Last night everything got worse, for the four hundred seventy-second time. I wrote notes to everyone I knew. Loved or hated. Even now, I'm not sure if these were suicide notes or notes to leave when I ran away. I have them all, and I don't know what to do. I've cut while writing this. Please, please talk to me.",2.485558970418748,4.568156401459857,3.3279145857344083,90.46719266231274,77.44282238442824,6.272787808938405,23.46785760020489,7.273561745256523,0.8665630170316301,1615,52,333,20,38,512,216,411,0.192,0.7,0.108,-0.9904,1,0,2,0,0,1,67.0,3,0,3,4,18,27,7,0,17,0,30,6,2,5,5,63,57,31,1,4,15,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,17,22,3,0,9,2,0,7,10,12,1,6,24,5,61,15,46,26,4,64,0,3,1,1,32,22,0,6,33,228,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929608553300567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083218019718435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254872047866579,0.0,0.14722699044206314,0.15926707881241575,0.0,0.0,0.16809104036612688,0.0,0.0,0.054530680128854224,0.0987955527092102,0.0,0.1007846758739474,0.0,0.07911530430931847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462441127305112,0.0,0.0,0.09463108169311082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057690802065560126,0.0,0.1540941929648576,0.0,0.0,0.09346099400361482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915343650956312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181678094848831,0.0,0.07536933964965126,0.08547768224941157,0.08039600615159465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175986318704162,0.07609001788485066,0.0,0.09808232695454117,0.06911238463962306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006051085019928,0.1430899948429622,0.1972479748918309,0.0,0.0,0.15820877482935675,0.0,0.0,0.17663575079576413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884857962027007,0.08809473954019471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916189632965125,0.14583483993754534,0.0,0.09471948130291784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579800615521978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807362486925119,0.08464408410858318,0.059711625077013476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901491741329102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575940720461085,0.0,0.06899288483263352,0.08639578833224819,0.0,0.16789412224344402,0.0876464929001763,0.2575022390124788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123347357157276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687059009821776,0.0,0.062016540625190776,0.0,0.0,0.196388526679048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985311572357834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113787043560256,0.0,0.0,0.07128371650799918,0.0,0.09332063360339957,0.0,0.0,0.07399775086840586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773300815932465,0.0,0.0,0.06331641034243272,0.0,0.14287708221660098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784878866971784,0.0,0.08430988059936635,0.0,0.0,0.2157006026361166,0.0,0.0,0.10229910536287587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648505046501154,0.0,0.0,0.08547768224941157,0.09938732701264097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726003347288896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526519865104696,0.0,0.0804304081944067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084546563350128,0.0911618567444256,0.0635459652464192,0.09780453763159586,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soup-medic,2018/03/03,"I really wish the knives in my house weren't so dull I keep trying to draw blood, running the blade back and forth on my arm, but it just won't fucking cut. I hate being alive, I hate living with the guilt of knowing that I molested my cousin and abused him in 7th grade, and I fucking hate the hellhole that is consciousness. I deserved to be molested. I deserved to be groomed. I wish I had died when I was 5 so I wouldn't have to live through the shit I did. I wish I knew how to properly tie a noose when I was 10 because I would've just ended it without hesitation. I know I'm probably just an angst filled edgy 16 year old and I'll look back and cringe but I honest to god just want to die. I'm a bad person and this is what I deserve.",2.222104166666668,3.1843626687500013,3.696250000000002,92.31041666666668,75.4375,7.083333333333335,24.583333333333336,7.492282038375204,0.8600833333333333,577,18,137,7,12,191,96,160,0.16,0.5870000000000001,0.253,0.9352,0,0,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,9,1,8,0,13,5,3,1,0,25,29,13,2,5,7,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,12,0,0,6,1,24,1,14,18,0,12,0,1,1,2,3,3,3,0,7,84,30,1,0.0,0.1704411760090501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122671945226866,0.12011046687237775,0.08769088458808358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985914675529315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741023341629254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659778350659435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260724018266421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659859708615399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278623263613209,0.0,0.0,0.15811466744914626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25404802052820463,0.0,0.12079950584125836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509485453320195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560607588691858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509685808074278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215531738072183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766207911362006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766611049627816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848476759353418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962683316825043,0.138668258790426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218838076647332,0.0,0.0,0.09263601448907613
suicidewatch,magp1001,2018/03/03,"--- It's been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt -- if I try, I will fail.

Isn't that enough justification?",1.3142857142857132,3.2208063809523857,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,80.42857142857143,6.104761904761905,15.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.3832095238095237,78,1,18,1,2,27,19,21,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8357314184105847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491384126806576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cannabiznizz,2018/03/03,"The world is so fucked School shootings, mass murders, terrorist attacks, gun control and our country. Why is the world so fucked up right now. I thought we would be getting better. I didn’t want to live before all of it went to shit but now I just don’t see anything getting better. I’m so depressed all of the time, and when I say all of the time I mean from when I wake up till the time I go to sleep. I’m sure you’re wanting to tell me to get some help but there is nothing i’ve already done. Admitted to a hospital 5 times, switched different antidepressants, went to a therapist, a 4 week wilderness therapy program, etc.
  
       I have absolutely no trust with my parents because I can’t seem to stop fucking up. I’m not in school because of the hospital shit and they said I will have to re-do 9th grade. I have no motivation for anything, I have a drug problem, and I am in love with the most amazing girl who cares so much about me but doesn’t feel the same and has a boyfriend. 
       
        I truly think my time has come and its time for me to stop trying. I’ve already written my notes so don’t be surprised if I don’t respond to you. I’m sorry reddit community, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m going to the train tracks soon.

               Love, Canabizznizz

P.s. My last words are Zeppelin Rules.",2.2498627872375607,4.035633692015214,3.496181186973054,90.36329641263019,77.09885931558934,6.399008100512482,27.40436435774508,7.255503002510835,1.3054127624400729,1003,42,216,12,23,326,147,263,0.154,0.6709999999999999,0.175,0.877,2,0,1,2,0,0,30.0,2,1,1,4,14,18,7,0,14,0,24,10,4,2,4,39,54,18,1,5,7,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,4,10,0,3,7,0,0,5,10,9,0,0,7,4,27,9,28,43,8,30,0,1,1,5,15,9,5,4,16,131,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362351935374177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615158787771364,0.0,0.0,0.1761640735306922,0.0,0.0,0.12176963329458718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049708772901156,0.0,0.09108029925054616,0.0,0.0,0.18933042431828384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913099077196672,0.0,0.0,0.09220258994727487,0.0,0.0,0.12005069621164427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219050344847028,0.0,0.0,0.111830509952477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953564773142796,0.0,0.0,0.12412852355717754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937415038281138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412094260122202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29686095401718937,0.16776668398732275,0.0,0.12166278132558052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174440531430021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872491497277612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945153164379071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320949791277425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165942826829758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868424812151892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027045453905485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885152469969615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024196113754378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914087079613753,0.1018163582785686,0.08511983434970721,0.0,0.2166535934952785,0.08529434608933249,0.0974421394284124,0.0,0.0,0.21974315098831684,0.0,0.0,0.10711394320575196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981875819693864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897485203207822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088076894511652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355474348310176,0.0,0.12240572917478397,0.12427779193328566,0.0,0.0685847586423258,0.0,0.08497513813329961,0.37448356247451203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267085427095864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262659700851242,0.0,0.08585833836105204,0.0,0.0,0.19844808013067,0.0965839214820934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603575988775152,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onlywayout_IsIN,2018/03/03,"I failed I failed at everything. 29 still living off my parents. Got degrees but no skills to actually succeed in a real work environment mostly due to my crippling social anxiety and freezing bcos my mind gets clouded with useless thoughts. Feel like i chose the wrong career path and its too late to switch. Besides, i probably would not succeed in anything else either. Failed miserably at a relationship. Cheated on the person that i loved the most and got caught/destroyed another persons life. Now i just feel like a shit person who doesn’t deserve to live. I should not be existing. I am just a waste of space.",4.338664521319387,7.075887725663716,4.706629123089304,79.61526146419953,74.39823008849558,7.2949316170555125,31.511665325824623,8.296473431620573,2.765520353982301,495,24,82,9,11,156,83,113,0.29100000000000004,0.5660000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.959,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,7,5,13,2,1,7,0,5,3,1,0,0,19,12,4,0,2,6,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,3,3,11,5,12,6,3,11,0,5,0,1,8,7,1,2,6,53,14,7,0.0,0.0,0.1633456075697798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551990876438114,0.12805062932340214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774527364423214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983039533915406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043668058422602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692718361713015,0.2391626731578448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745282103993818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677494179051616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881987476123693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823041831243353,0.1635537077996939,0.0,0.2956116503298833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107334104659553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901319620257027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586350173086327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384677271705445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047154267489346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905231000066985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971104075010974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718203936687351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063001024063718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336755083311976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288661439914415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185976048091958,0.0,0.0,0.11890695239470275,0.18301145407184466,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HencePence,2018/03/03,"Is it fair to be depressed because of loneliness? It's probably the only reason I consider suicide and have depression. 

My inability to reach out to people and grow relationships, and find people I want to be with. 

Is it fair? 

My life is, by most standards, great. I have everything I need with no major setbacks or blocks in my way. 

Besides mental issues, like depression and anxiety. 

Is it fair to be depressed and consider suicide over feeling so alone? 

Sometimes it seems like the only way I'll be able to fix the situation.",4.2001587301587335,6.68135824489796,5.63421768707483,74.0623696145125,73.6938775510204,8.845351473922905,32.31746031746032,9.444778638647367,3.59449977324263,420,21,69,11,9,141,59,98,0.29100000000000004,0.552,0.157,-0.9651,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,0,18,14,7,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,3,13,10,2,6,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,3,2,47,12,0,0.1572233627783962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628359877531084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027544218620505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958419026552166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416650079175296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130222064426742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794968562542369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369930523807903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333931251041124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641003428286057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110515107776131,0.15362278678943167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584441703510455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657913133018473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391509042980705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179977669659668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951337695052154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165180245028488,0.0,0.16879905242302706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431302445769099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672564716358768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549792597881046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439536809903715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273441288356504,0.24959317445667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ruuuio,2018/03/03,"Mad I'm feeling furious, I want to punch something or someone,  no one fucking cares, I feel alone, tried to talk with my mom but she told me ""I don't have time to deal with your problems, look at the time (its 23:00)"" I feel so angry and alone for no reason, nothing happened today, I'm just burning inside, I want to hurt myself, I feel like I deserve it for begin a fucking failure. I'm getting professional help but I can't afford it to go regularly (I'm 19 and unemployed, don't goto school, so I have to pay 50€ each time) I just wrote some things to vent since no one else wants to listen.",4.937707373271891,4.388714959677419,6.068571428571428,83.10500000000002,68.75806451612902,8.376036866359447,30.617511520737327,7.447530270364453,1.7738447004608289,461,16,99,4,7,155,80,124,0.269,0.638,0.093,-0.9783,3,2,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,4,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,21,27,7,0,4,5,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,6,6,0,2,2,6,15,2,13,25,2,7,0,1,1,2,9,1,2,2,6,55,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373609336563491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605314372880367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790810135064527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605397409451314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294005707059922,0.11635178481498808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30113471475082165,0.08509096909438679,0.0,0.0925607252852514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402221483374086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916591119644922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435184385799396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956829368203283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676675247968945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074715289741026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562746981100357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207249679368077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558411440056542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745377896606514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482948631524152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347247645938491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379961675881696,0.12538250746341548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090583867691474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820119565418834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28490611321210635,0.0,0.15437829857399252,0.15562581948685514,0.0,0.1105755910744488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881884577005214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boredx100,2018/03/03,"Tired The older I get the more I feel like life was wasted on me. I have never had a place in this world and hate every minute of existence.
I am very much running out of any reason to extend this bullshit. Living may just not be for me.",-0.5257714285714279,1.6948284800000053,1.5917142857142856,96.37300000000002,94.2,3.6571428571428566,13.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-1.1315142857142857,184,3,40,1,7,61,43,50,0.247,0.675,0.078,-0.8962,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,1,8,9,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,5,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151627606235076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266580535710281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998128043673346,0.22603612951739746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530587254474208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123793660101437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234825844159011,0.15457699393944732,0.0,0.2793868808980797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325903090312771,0.0,0.2440270842808992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305705206561974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253117614889853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636551049280661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610630278660419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxiousas,2018/03/03,"My brain is gaslighting me and I can't cope. I have suffered from a mild form of anxiety for a long time, but since my dad died in January I've been acting even weirder, and now I am terrified.

The other day, out of fucking nowhere, my brain decides to start thinking I sent overtly gross and sexual messages to 1 person on myspace in 2007, whilst still in school.

Now, I literally remember the first time I ever sent sexually explicit messages to anyone, which was in 2015 and I even remember how I felt doing it.

I'm so confused by this insane thought process, and its making me feel so shit I don't want to get up ever again. Thing is, I can't even get myspace to look up messages, i deleted my profile in 2010 and according to their law enforcement guidelines, deleted profiles are unrecoverable.

so ive got this 1.5% guilt in my head I can't get rid of. Im so fucked.
",4.416379310344826,5.373967706896559,5.5948850574712665,80.77612068965519,70.20689655172413,8.558620689655173,32.89080459770115,8.841846274778883,2.732101149425288,687,32,135,12,12,229,110,174,0.238,0.752,0.01,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,14,7,3,2,4,0,13,6,4,2,3,23,30,12,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,7,3,21,0,22,23,1,26,0,1,1,2,8,10,3,1,13,89,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049423037028285,0.0,0.0,0.11013420778547338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35166507765385985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158050769665472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346984964107245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121003431509352,0.2849524699853645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964146576473724,0.0,0.1512336877371338,0.0,0.0,0.13397738236689954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29122973313616296,0.2468764211608201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259746250879125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165004627692453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013713908428446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939082833316607,0.13226819385309987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513872183337686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753109897957722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568548037657364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594078827885374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616810960354224,0.13029337143001046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114859367149204,0.0,0.12578717949947862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464222087930848,0.10092563885375166,0.0,0.12504483900737148,0.18368995061071036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929031022970274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neonreview,2018/03/03,"Help me tread water * I'm not actively suicidal, and I am afraid of self-harm.
* I still find a way to enjoy simple things, however I am extremely unmotivated and in the ""what's the point?"" mindset. It has been this way for a while and March will be the 10th month.
* I gave up my job 2 years ago, been working part-time and currently at a low of about one 10-12 hour shift per month. I hate my job/career, it is people-intensive and there are no adequate breaks, lots of physical and emotional burnout even after one shift.
* Living at parents' home as a 35 year old

At least it's sunny today in this ugly rat-race gray winter city...I'll be taking a walk to the park with my podcast. Not in any kind of therapy or counseling.

Besides that...what do you recommend to tread water, push through the dark phase? I've been hoping and waiting for a sense of motivation and purpose to come back, I still get hit with crying spells (of guilt and sadness) from my partner leaving me last year.",2.8002637962401487,4.7318895721649525,4.066773802304424,86.23144026682839,75.95876288659794,7.451303820497272,24.81382656155245,8.313332769828598,1.5550573681018809,763,26,155,14,17,250,133,194,0.11,0.769,0.121,0.2778,5,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,1,2,11,0,12,2,0,1,0,20,21,12,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,12,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,5,0,2,4,1,13,3,26,13,2,33,1,2,1,0,5,9,0,3,18,92,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531809917297136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380960090904301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738110315479805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149745590145784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768267939877862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171461806944885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082618363470494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395225148977579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975514260489533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071370725938704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232040964780237,0.0,0.1531238867462504,0.15161934952550776,0.15033292780581595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029700475741807,0.0,0.0,0.15896510816052248,0.0,0.1244329603466314,0.0,0.16163799358324787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347958193193179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978052950356336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24369310219988474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601841478692396,0.0,0.20688389709998412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695036238890515,0.16530884254555991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443068802846765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925087181728745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381853216302085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166978130132953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477641877684905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457255792327858,0.0,0.1014161888301874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469764945575286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423384535075777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113355131809477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949115079637846
suicidewatch,MayGloryBe,2018/03/03,"Glory Be It is not your fault. As I sit here writing my last words I want you to know that the only one to blame is me. I’ve told you that I live for others. That the last string of humanity inside of me has been broken and the only thing holding me on to the world is the knowledge of how my death would hurt others. I lied. I hate that I lied. I want to be better. I want to truly care for others and act for more then myself. I remember telling you my theory, that all actions are self-centered and no person acts beyond their own gains. As I sit here writing, I know I am the only one who this applies to. Some part of me, some truthful part of me wants you to cry. I want you to be beaten down by my death and never come back up. I want to be what drives you to insanity. Please don’t let me get what I want. All of my world, everything that exists is trapped in my head. I almost hope that after I die it all ends. The plug gets pulled and everything I cared about, everything you cared, about goes with it. Maybe then I would be special. I know the world will keep sputtering on. I won’t matter. Maybe for a few years I’ll be more than another number in a spreadsheet, but over time, my death will be as meaningless as my life. Perhaps that’s good, I can find peace in knowing that I never mattered. I wonder if you’ll ever read this. I’m not completely sold on death just yet, and even if I take the jump, who knows if this will ever reach your hands. I only have one more thought in the mess that is this letter. I didn’t cry while writing this. I tried to cry, but all I felt was relief. Relief that in the end, it won’t matter. This letter will pass as quickly as I did.",1.7000847457627088,3.201423810734468,3.145333333333337,93.529186440678,77.84180790960451,5.962937853107345,19.70960451977401,6.588339656340683,-0.018367683615818642,1295,28,297,11,30,424,168,354,0.149,0.7140000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.9364,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,10,1,3,13,16,2,0,13,0,32,3,2,1,9,59,60,21,5,13,8,0,2,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,29,8,0,2,11,1,1,8,9,5,0,3,8,2,56,11,45,35,13,42,0,1,0,0,22,15,0,8,17,219,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928268250159686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720525313923188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128147295732548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198664621189393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835450444921645,0.0,0.0,0.07985384439977232,0.09719540666240084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054836269824409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620917252834192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642114321495328,0.0,0.0,0.061228244487270995,0.16770702002475546,0.0,0.0,0.2499414861919584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900765485223479,0.0,0.0847271844046905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686506410322658,0.0,0.0,0.07775333812374828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915232073951516,0.09513813847396804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207317253405783,0.0,0.0,0.09923851327328714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239705385815008,0.0,0.0,0.2547306767427919,0.15112764251757332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479322080980217,0.06547757357967365,0.0,0.0,0.08185682611024035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626155809286246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299370492959915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845012340262493,0.28201364975899285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007726537376037,0.0,0.0,0.08094308068913818,0.0,0.10175804035309598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092726250176959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501234771564598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967075313468842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696997384697539,0.0,0.08102490324005289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615865341800421,0.0,0.0,0.07359436933632707,0.05405479416795191,0.0,0.0,0.08857993475188798,0.0,0.06293800524117678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827428380130483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053045791026466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170449425264574,0.0,0.0,0.05969651024095386
suicidewatch,_psilocyborg_,2018/03/03,Help? Idk I'm freaking out. Im safe but I just need to talk to someone,-4.3438235294117655,-4.0853431764705865,-0.7442647058823509,107.96830882352944,127.82352941176471,1.7000000000000002,16.014705882352942,3.1291,-1.5238117647058824,54,2,15,0,4,19,14,17,0.183,0.5920000000000001,0.225,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35676391710217353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749341646396433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394665438135868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509837618196396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278119356680676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PierreDeuxPistolets,2018/03/03,"I thought I made it out now I'm back here again and terrified. I go through long periods of depression followed by long periods of relative normality. I was doing fine up until yesterday when I had some anxiety which grew into a full on panic attack, which turned into a full on crisis over how my life is going.

I'm 19, never in my life have I ever held a true interest in something. My hobbies last a few months and then I just get bored, which means I'm also not that great at anything. I haven't worked on an education or a real job because I'm terrified I'm going to be stuck there and hate it. I graduated high school with a 3.6 GPA and didn't do homework or even open a text book. I just feel like lost potential, and that I'm a huge disappointment now to my parents who spent so much time developing me into a kind and intelligent person.

I was doing successful in dating a year and a half ago but since my last gf left me in February of last year I haven't had anything serious, and only like two really awkward tinder hookups. I feel extremely lonely and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to find someone who I really connect to anymore and I'm starting to think I'm problem. 

I use weed for my anxiety and I'm a stoner, as such my friend group were all stoners. I realized they were boring people who I'm not sure really cared about me so I pretty much cut them all off and have no friends now. I started hanging out with an ex as just friends and she was about my only friend but I caught feelings for her again, told her, and got rejected so I'm shit out of options for finding new people to connect with. 

I know this is just some boo whoo poor me rambling but I need some advice. My family loves me and tries to help but they don't understand exactly what I'm going through. I just feel like I wasn't built for this current state of society, and I cannot bring myself to contribute to it. As of right now I'm living with my parents only working 2 days a week and I just feel like a fucking waste. After my anxiety attack last night my suicidal ideations have been coming back and I just want them to STOP. I need real advice. I know things ""will be okay"" eventually, I know people care about me, but I just  want to be a real human and actually enjoy things and contribute to society but I just can't find the motivation for it no matter how hard I try.",3.4291866301619898,4.601781505133474,5.193020191649556,81.92566079169518,72.75770020533881,8.532261008441706,27.285477983116582,8.998388855275968,2.12281980378736,1871,67,381,38,36,640,233,487,0.189,0.672,0.139,-0.9756,5,3,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,4,5,33,37,6,2,18,1,28,5,1,6,7,98,83,41,1,6,19,3,7,4,5,1,2,0,1,2,17,32,0,2,18,1,2,10,14,17,0,2,19,7,60,20,55,60,10,72,0,5,0,2,24,24,2,7,41,255,77,10,0.0,0.0,0.07391160941734144,0.0,0.0,0.14802509372959882,0.06713920811921592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056949241991945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738233719474755,0.0,0.07511402789844618,0.0,0.0,0.12465563067348576,0.0,0.0,0.1723310562817026,0.0,0.11647923466467484,0.0,0.04617058531255802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444457213157875,0.0,0.0,0.06524356396427153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048846229172711565,0.0,0.06523501142514747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002575537411085,0.06851143968388389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140121633521179,0.0,0.19148286303175907,0.16232666138358048,0.0,0.0,0.20767579257220392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406707883473366,0.07002068905363977,0.039571181908808296,0.0,0.17217983703116785,0.0,0.0605764387924322,0.08350395072052015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569686797662214,0.07477786800102874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076712812382896,0.08002378785711703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516056315559982,0.0,0.0,0.0788718696590647,0.12487466816396307,0.2469538213339412,0.0,0.0,0.08229206010940088,0.0,0.10699523090419713,0.14801154373844866,0.0,0.06688007459601966,0.13405556833144575,0.0,0.0,0.08267948709618587,0.0,0.06835857996388876,0.07166730540136379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825033932826083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045518672598772,0.0,0.11135567402678284,0.11232094897171224,0.05841559040887625,0.07315045597109783,0.0,0.07107714296063057,0.07420941510782378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728117387630211,0.0,0.08886492564036874,0.16820128498407774,0.0,0.0,0.15752636715473445,0.0661335105667378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705511661359647,0.0,0.07247324039151577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586271371881341,0.14556353136768366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468180436341063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665322955343003,0.0,0.06895112664675195,0.0,0.0,0.07774633193826333,0.06265316077727294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417451238911888,0.05830858508044218,0.0,0.0,0.107218751663923,0.0,0.0,0.06332228418544575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284759761533148,0.0,0.07138433860913619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100636982785636,0.04853132748237905,0.0,0.060129339786909125,0.04416477938390099,0.0,0.0,0.0723731046686123,0.0,0.15426808070175074,0.0823836995744583,0.0739872698932793,0.07884832586486169,0.0,0.0654153030602602,0.0,0.0,0.08934718537158702,0.0,0.0607543019553859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027968433750336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754854293178072
suicidewatch,startrekzooka,2018/03/03,"I'm done. There are just many things in my life that don't work, and after complaining about it for years on end, I suppose I just can't take it anymore.

Being the eldest out of 7 young siblings, going to a top-tier university that I'm struggling to fit in academically, socially and mentally, falling behind in my grades, being the one person in my family everyone is scared of after all the things I've done (such as almost strangling my little 5-year old brother to death, calling my 15-year old sister a bitch and attacking her outside on our driveway, kicking my 17-year old brother in the stomach while in the car and doing so much stupid shit for years that scarred me for life)

I've been to a lot of therapy, my first time when I was 13. I'm 18 now and I may be young, but I just can't take it anymore. I still feel like a hormonal 12 year old, I don't know how to improve or what to do with my life. My own parents are probably scared of me at this stage and I don't blame them. I have Aspergers and horrible social anxiety when in the outside world so that's their excuse for whenever I stir shit or whenever things go wrong.

With regards to my course in college, I fall behind other people and I struggle to make friends without making the conversation seem awkward. I constantly ask them for help for assignments and stuff to the point they are pissed at my lack of intelligence. I've had math tutors call me stupid for not knowing basic integration (it was a prerequisite for my course which I'm doing physics). When I was 13 years old, I nearly electrocuted myself to a fence outside some public parking lot somewhere after getting into a small petty argument with my parents which I was sensitive about and I remember seeing shocked faces looking at me and taking pics as if I'm this laughing stock meme. My mom ran to me and pulled me before I could do it though.

A week before I turned 16 sometime at the end of July of 2015, an airplane stewardess got mad at me for not helping her push the luggage on top but I ignored her on purpose because she asked me rudely so she called me out and said this is why people like me shouldn't be on the plane and I saw other passengers who were sitting down looking at me laughing, and I stared at them angrily giving them the middle finger out of control, and then I sat down and lashed out on my younger brother (he was 14 at the time) who looked at me in horror. 

When I was 14, back in school, a couple of kids called me gay and I tried pleasing them doing dirty jobs just to fit in. (such as licking a radiator because idk I thought getting the attention would be nice for once but it really jumpstarted the trying-to-fit-in gig)

I feel like a monster, an alien that shouldn't exist. I get sensitive over every little petty thing, I've had personal therapy even during school to help with my problems. They say I'm a bright kid, then I fail high school because I procrastinated bad since I let my feelings of stress get to me so idk, they'll probably think I'm this stupid outcast who let them down, which is why I'm probably never going to visit my high school again. 

Now I'm in my first year at uni and I'm struggling everywhere, I got in due to my Aspergers which was a one-time grant thing but all the more to feel retarded and worthless.

I still struggle to battle my emotions and whenever my mom or dad raises their voice or get a bit annoyed at me for little things I get wrong, I contemplate suicide and rant out somewhere maybe online on some discord server or I punch my brother (which I shouldn't)

I do stupid things then I feel guilty about it later but can't make up for it because I keep doing it, so I'm just an excuse of a human being really

I'm an aberration, I fucked up, I might as well fuck up other people's lives, drop out of uni, run away, sell drugs and buy pimps to get me by or I'll just kill myself to end this suffering. I have no form of social life, I don't have time to go to clubs or societies at my uni due to college work and seeing other kids live hot lifes getting gfs, go to parties every night and drink makes me want to bleed more than I can imagine. Yet they can pass their studies as I see how they answer questions in lectures, I am nothing.
Potential friends might ask me what hobbies do I do, do I do anything interesting, I got nothing but study and try to find friends on discord all day so I feel outcasted a lot. Others go skydiving, acting in some theatre or bowling or whatever, wtf do I even do. What productive thing have I done that I enjoyed with my life?



I've been feeling this since 2012. It's just nothing anymore.

EDIT MORE:   I live in a small house with seven younger siblings. Constant screaming because two of them are under 6, and it just adds to the stress. I ruin it for everyone, I get panic attacks, I become overdramatic and I shout in the kitchen to let out my anger everytime we have our lunch or dinner. I'm too irresponsible, I fuck up with everything.

Also I've procrastinated so much this past week since it's a week off from uni, but I've literally done nothing and I have so much to do due on monday. Haven't even done my assignments or even fucking study.

I hate everything 100%. I can't stop my negative thoughts control me 24/7 if something sensitive to me gets in the way. Fuck my anxiety and trying years to find happiness.

EDIT MORE 2: Also seeing my other siblings study in school even if the exam isn't in like three or four months for them make me panic and just want to fuck them up more, call me envious af but when I was their age I messed up and seeing them just get far and envision a better future for them makes me feel like I'm a person in rags compared to them, they get straight A's in every subject in school due to working hard and that's a dream for me but it was never accomplished so who's the laughing stock now? They probably have no life either but studying, and even I can tell that although I lock myself up in my room all day and night doing nothing but discord on my laptop, and my mom checking if i'm studying, i'm fucking not. I excel in nothing, I am nothing honestly. ",5.345780487804877,5.584652260975614,6.059658536585367,80.82802439024394,67.85365853658537,8.868943089430894,31.44065040650407,8.687419134414649,2.3852669918699188,4851,185,959,71,75,1590,455,1230,0.203,0.7020000000000001,0.096,-0.9994,3,0,3,0,0,4,109.0,3,0,23,12,52,69,25,11,47,0,81,27,6,10,6,156,169,93,3,13,42,11,11,5,3,8,9,5,3,7,56,54,4,6,21,3,3,16,22,49,1,7,28,28,160,20,158,123,23,169,0,4,11,8,82,86,11,28,68,655,216,30,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634774373446723,0.0,0.0,0.058055857429836766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055536566328328416,0.0,0.10799519164912556,0.0,0.0,0.029870604957497764,0.0,0.1018027027368158,0.08258965722266329,0.03410367248963935,0.027911336099478976,0.030307764073349976,0.1106362630453734,0.04008888475779551,0.06177476675684939,0.0,0.0,0.032103108187161486,0.039628603609463804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532433491368447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845165124953067,0.08142379656737059,0.028981429943113108,0.04016364325841396,0.0,0.04681910981151733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857300411243655,0.0,0.03555874945574921,0.04209478149343447,0.0,0.0,0.040830970993768034,0.0964491953648253,0.0,0.0,0.14384905696506076,0.0,0.09174925455539278,0.06936961956468045,0.06524557304891385,0.0,0.03421903230701945,0.0,0.1468290567054225,0.0777950510548382,0.0,0.0,0.06635241452144595,0.06175103786670767,0.0,0.0,0.08413248412028954,0.2349019023354162,0.2275738630233975,0.034820866396532105,0.1237757780972416,0.0,0.08709377329165391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03864046998823192,0.032516361398198385,0.03583729258846454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299043713407405,0.076702799267646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188364074633711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036020699237960925,0.032263809492524664,0.04015895559165097,0.0,0.03989745575359986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113531470186577,0.17947112217761405,0.08866816381004816,0.10914201685689384,0.0961568255036203,0.0,0.09144489281948064,0.0,0.0,0.09257916003818638,0.0,0.0,0.1453773408278079,0.03680102150706601,0.03646676152059116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036580390045105375,0.07701402784342205,0.0,0.1275372313524452,0.02897314771209676,0.0,0.08005080871178212,0.0,0.05599134238975631,0.0,0.0,0.06812744029014567,0.0,0.2438059916361077,0.0,0.19044605429763467,0.03865675963309162,0.04919365920349717,0.0,0.0,0.08517702967894797,0.08061046436423107,0.0,0.03465106296870295,0.07549451008745588,0.09508345309001943,0.0,0.03984489583737935,0.034313852305350764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565438585206272,0.03473279982666992,0.0,0.0,0.040662671258347126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046507547427108144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111916898015687,0.0,0.03452822309788728,0.02886605531933015,0.07268234021869226,0.22041635757675387,0.14462618092778465,0.033044826845155965,0.0,0.0,0.07451985780908055,0.09007958027111784,0.0,0.0,0.11100536871317812,0.0,0.02794438889215773,0.035900183458357666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057976120649582824,0.0303472041445806,0.08315970811602584,0.15178845788060585,0.041553143078930065,0.039704710435862725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187595229575677,0.0,0.031726523217537786,0.0,0.08302108613712103,0.0,0.1929210924954154,0.0232586382734084,0.03566313050431079,0.05763397113876044,0.06349791040568603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393297633323062,0.03948238730381303,0.0354583984522087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281963781146172,0.02881209088978253,0.08734949604954508,0.0,0.032636746054940886,0.0,0.06550757157270097,0.0,0.0,0.034990496509750765,0.0,0.07927730663795297,0.0,0.0,0.025785440819231214,0.07937350883481614,0.0,0.21037562257851972
suicidewatch,ReboundGT,2018/03/03,"Shit happens so they say... So basically I wake up and it was a great day. Done all my school work and I got to miss work experience cause the roads were blocked (it’s boring as hell). But then I look at my phone - 10 messages from snapchat.  I look at them - “You evil person” “Go to hell” “She told me to unblock you” etc. I was like wtf and so I asked the girl that I apparently pissed of - she blanked me. So I ask my friend (also a female) and she said that I looked at her pervily and she didn’t like it. Now I’ll admit I did have a crush on her for a bit but nothing much. But then all those comments kept coming. Friends were saying that they being told to block me etc. I have never felt so much anger and despair in my life (and was once classed as having anger issues). I honestly never felt more suicidal than that. But I just went on a rant - 10 minutes I think each sentence with the word fuck... I don’t regret it, all I regret is mingling with such vile witches - I don’t know... still depressed and don’t know what to do - but hey as they say Shit Happens 
Update: the girl and her cousin keep on putting a picture of me and then saying we are having beef on Saturday and people should bring stuff to throw at me...",1.3142857142857167,3.2208063809523857,2.5057936507936525,95.79892857142859,80.42857142857143,5.152380952380953,20.81746031746032,5.985473137389443,-0.09741587301587318,936,26,214,6,24,299,139,252,0.22,0.693,0.087,-0.9901,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,2,4,2,10,23,10,0,10,0,20,6,4,1,5,42,45,28,1,3,6,1,2,2,2,1,1,5,0,3,11,16,0,4,6,0,0,6,6,17,0,0,16,10,40,6,26,27,10,27,2,5,3,1,34,11,6,0,12,147,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093162238773611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781707296008251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718404637091002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967403423444342,0.0,0.10035145155817553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513062902739658,0.0,0.10033829685503763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921640437106455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25984886707172405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395596739252872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22370988977047454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000987144042574,0.10769917151497628,0.0,0.0,0.06620766679986162,0.0,0.09317292302386287,0.1284378436198771,0.0,0.0,0.2060350063615971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159211816951652,0.0,0.1035474750268392,0.0,0.0,0.12804690048264444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228494949262867,0.11382864729503092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29348325273712783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127671832805053,0.0,0.1796986226677852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178156944894677,0.0,0.0,0.12406501016730552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076403066781387,0.10172028287180003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711119652569525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081488439168953,0.3705708890940772,0.0,0.1179007151804453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391640428349668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303428515635484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333606636330128,0.12742830363097538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464627716488496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263486744054065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799345718723197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962173321350413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zkni,2018/03/03,"Not being taken seriously It is very difficult for me to ask for help and to be totally honest about my plans. But when I do, and it's not taken seriously, I feel even worse. It's like I'm making this huge efforts of asking for help (if I do, it's because I'm very serious because I hate hospitals at the highest point), and those efforts are totally useless. It's like they don't take seriously how bad it is. I made a few attempts in the past that resulted in a few days in coma at the physical EMR, and they are aware of that. They say they're concerned, but if they really were, they would not just say they're worried. Even if these could be a cry for help, if I make an attempt it's serious it's well-planned for weeks, my intent is really to die, and it never disappears magically. Now my plan got even more lethal with 'practise', if I survive it, it's really just a unfortunate coincidence. When I'm extremely worried about myself, I don't want to put all my energies on trying to convince them, anyways. What's the point of asking for help, if you know they don't take your request seriously? ",6.173639760837069,5.467283251121074,7.531939461883407,74.16125747384154,66.2645739910314,11.200149476831093,34.27840059790732,10.686352973137794,3.5385010463378173,867,35,174,21,12,300,114,223,0.151,0.7140000000000001,0.135,-0.8322,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,7,7,12,14,1,0,9,0,16,1,0,6,4,34,34,16,2,9,13,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,17,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,5,3,23,4,23,24,6,18,0,1,0,0,19,9,0,6,9,121,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763501936306616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204351722375933,0.16360264668942304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714024753332624,0.0,0.14740203532835694,0.0865418135741083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926862124839626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26589480920927666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785078199808603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732445393935887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324854020795044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597804303174124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374762552746994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311174643567449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697435786647054,0.17914648923582369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349603686113573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281000789487242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537069176388864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489858222099693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578977376179649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342744773424446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178921038317602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110658561667696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214425405665386,0.07914907241313615,0.0,0.10763957756201592,0.0,0.12065343421191688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27255406648613384,0.1367516506787372,0.09532512776461054,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hatemyself7793,2018/03/03,I want to kill my self This week ,-2.71125,-1.1246796249999989,-0.6699999999999982,114.115,95.25,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.8074000000000003,25,0,8,0,1,8,8,8,0.4270000000000001,0.455,0.118,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6086909361423102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5739561099225744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245095028087829,0.0,0.4413199641162183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilentHank,2018/03/03,"Listen to me. Idk where to start really. I'll start with I'm not an open person and I do not talk to anyone about my feelings. For example, my father is a drunk. And has been my whole life. I've had multiple girlfriends. One for 2 years and not once did I mention to her that my father is a drunk. I just can't go deeply with people, I think it makes me a pussy and I'm really not that sort of person. I have a friend who killed himself two years ago. I miss him, but at the time he was bitching about his feelings and I thought he just wanted attention. He actually ended his life, while I was fighting with my girlfriend at the time about him. I was saying that all he was trying to do was get attention and that she shouldn't  fall for his antics. Mid conversation the phone rings and he's dead. I have to live with that.  Knowing my friend who was struggling yet not giving a fuck about it.  I saw the damage he did to his families and friends by ending his life. I never want to put people through that. But at the same time I do not have a purpose on this earth.  

This is where I begin:

I am a college athlete who is a starter way before I should be. My community is proud, my family is proud. It's also on maybe the worst team ever. So here I am busting my ass to prove to everyone that I'm a good athlete because for some reason that used to make me proud. Yet I am not doing it for myself. My whole life hasn't been for myself. My father was a college athlete and that's why I became one to make him proud. However it's not fun, it's actually depressing putting in as much effort as I did to just get shit stomped every game and screamed at by the coaches. Then I blew out my shoulder. I had shoulder surgery and life has been shit since. I haven't been able to lift any weights so I'm shrivelling up like a raisin. 

I changed my major so I could have a future with my girlfriend, only for her to break up with me a couple of weeks ago. She was my life like I said and we dated for about a year. And all I got was a phone call and her telling me she randomly didn't love me anymore. I didn't do anything wrong she said but the feelings weren't there she said. Every day I have begged for her back and it has gotten me absolutely no where. She does not give a fuck. 

My best friend is transferring. He's moving back home and we spent every day together and every free moment. I could still see him on the weekends but he really is the only friend I've invested so much time into that once he is gone I feel like I have nobody.

Life keeps getting shittier  and shittier. Here I am on the worst team in America, with a drunk for a father, guilty of my friends suicide, with no purpose that I can see in life as far as my career goes, no girlfriend who randomly broke up with me and my best friend leaving me. My athletic career probably has no future because of my injury and I don't even want to do it anymore because I only did it for my father. 

Here's the last problem. My ex girlfriends brother committed suicide. I'm pissed at how she's treated me and everything she's done in this stupid break up, yet I feel like I can't kill myself because her brother already did. I feel like my drunk of a father might too.. I don't want anyone else to die. I just want to be done with a life with no purpose. I don't own a gun and don't want to use tylenol because I heard it's painful, I thought  about carbon monoxide with my pickup but that sounds hard to do, especially with newer vehicles. I'm thinking about hanging myself now. I just don't want it to fail and to be brain dead and alive. 

I have no friends, no girlfriend, no goal, no purpose.

I'm truly lost, and although I haven't attempted committing suicide yet I feel like it's inevitable. I haven't been able to shake the thought since my girlfriend dumped me and I've been depressed since my surgery months ago.

I don't know what to do in life or what my purpose is and the best case scenario for me is just ending it all.. 

There is one thing I think id be able to do fairly well though. This thought in the back of my mind has me feeling like since I don't care if I die and that I'm very athletic and Hard working that I could join the military and kill other people for my country. I don't think killing them would phase me at all since I already feel pretty dead inside. I also am not afraid to die. But when I get done with that if I were to ever choose that option, I feel like I'd just kill myself when I came back home anyways. 

Everything it seems I do I do for other people, even if I joined the military to kill for my country it still is just doing  things for others... Not once have I had this feeling where I knew what I needed to do and didn't have to be told. I was always comfortable with a coach bussing me around and being his pawn. But on my own, I can't make a decision or have a real passion about anything really. I can't find myself, I've spent too much time trying for others that at this point that was my life and now I have nothing. I can't think of one thing I'd enjoy, I am not independent at all..

Today I might hang myself.",1.9817002887704904,3.626674938260056,3.379796945540328,91.5268288628137,77.44714686623013,6.219388294627242,23.21919103591329,6.98899656878771,0.643703371700493,3995,124,879,42,92,1308,343,1069,0.18600000000000005,0.67,0.14400000000000002,-0.9932,1,0,0,1,3,7,95.0,2,0,1,15,56,64,15,3,42,0,113,29,7,9,11,162,191,62,15,18,32,9,14,8,15,5,13,9,2,2,53,55,5,1,31,10,4,10,44,31,1,5,51,26,156,34,110,126,20,96,0,7,3,5,87,34,7,13,57,615,209,10,0.12543291130910916,0.0,0.08160295168180393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118870768672856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922788911443538,0.0668724359041546,0.034790076810067225,0.0,0.0,0.028432893656000158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293049545995193,0.0584704053651886,0.04284028020395225,0.0688137322871405,0.03722062812886668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860022171354382,0.0,0.12743789751306964,0.0,0.03557805631786642,0.0,0.13163410182325494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046674870725119576,0.04269367556227408,0.047820611609590086,0.04262907091498505,0.0,0.044230462784843945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001479731114374,0.04626304353047553,0.0,0.05392923399235156,0.0,0.07202345514126017,0.0,0.1301795586361041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036589061988024786,0.12836141764584788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03492770073304245,0.0,0.11109632895933788,0.0,0.0,0.0552315032891371,0.07564083296585718,0.1409101835400388,0.0399521740217258,0.0751540084825442,0.0,0.07883132369266563,0.0,0.2325497122489769,0.17921859380381666,0.0,0.0,0.03821446950924628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584244163403416,0.07730713687084408,0.08737802547535181,0.08021778539894597,0.023762138033180724,0.035069058293970674,0.033440052562803475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490883399888709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387962481166397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716351162189315,0.2775458638632,0.0,0.04595643180097552,0.03408152134152801,0.0,0.044271780664570236,0.0,0.0,0.3248555740815437,0.1634138256121372,0.0,0.03691985290780278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564161329846109,0.0,0.03773603322809765,0.0,0.11163658973513224,0.0,0.04200473957972307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887096646002374,0.04221716117286403,0.0,0.03337311770238447,0.044438444678637785,0.09220762230794674,0.031002304793685424,0.03224719796509499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011875378180524,0.0,0.0,0.1335819568568294,0.11332878257641606,0.09539738127403484,0.044489820436899016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159458496337554,0.07301545332145587,0.0,0.0,0.03952488156233658,0.0,0.0,0.04253678824899042,0.045079297802815714,0.040007452012708083,0.0,0.08406314711215107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047590037942931734,0.10714071317049756,0.042988641215880766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931542250263047,0.033249761860473716,0.0,0.0,0.06663586030639143,0.038063137175042366,0.0,0.0,0.08583672062628712,0.17293233403805902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591880401494926,0.0,0.06678058999983429,0.0,0.0,0.04370990443504602,0.0,0.13720324638685027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033606074265342636,0.036544631054507434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333205272213966,0.1339539080131706,0.041079066167841266,0.13277296078303708,0.12190156548182345,0.0,0.03963191114522644,0.0399521740217258,0.0,0.056773808764229015,0.0,0.04084324274471349,0.0,0.0,0.07222250816831123,0.0,0.03449842940906011,0.17262835553782793,0.0331876021919099,0.033538238485197144,0.0509144980504816,0.03759308371798415,0.0,0.037727897538387824,0.09336091067274296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030438884443931682,0.0,0.0,0.02970131378265064,0.04571373257607072,0.0,0.08077468240352792
suicidewatch,sosorry12567,2018/03/03,"Read my post history and tell me I don’t deserve to die Fuck I deserve the guilt I feel. I can’t do it anymore. I go through life analyzing my mistakes fucking constantly, I can’t even fucking   take a shit without doing a mental thesis on why I’m a bad person and if I feel that strongly about truly being a bad  person I must be one, right? I’m on autopilot, phoning it in, because I’m mentally exhausted and it’s not fair to my loved ones to keep half assing the  real part of my life because I’m too preoccupied with my past

I’m so fucking  tired and I deserve to be ",1.4697520661157029,3.230876305785128,4.205785123966944,84.5014049586777,79.33057851239671,6.7140495867768575,28.355371900826448,7.686295010490155,1.84833223140496,447,21,92,7,11,159,73,121,0.245,0.684,0.071,-0.9679,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,5,1,6,0,9,11,2,0,1,14,24,6,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,10,0,3,0,2,15,2,12,20,1,8,0,0,0,6,5,4,6,1,2,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468502329771776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436263772910233,0.17786803340245072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765672733367495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514121945908867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635986491863903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753410660560173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394968322425798,0.0,0.0,0.08291341986723325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967494080474246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060947589849416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167264506233115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940483463251595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771951748785854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579861218912963,0.13926980756345733,0.0,0.2547734101024359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972359126381326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459308365981528,0.1660563031807151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459042116488707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497553807526865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969214355322933,0.0,0.12751547585004558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768065261030876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131644257134617,0.0,0.0,0.14063406135229525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,medusalove,2018/03/03,"Great night and then everything got bad. I had a great night yesterday.
Made new friends.
Had sex (which I didn't do since my virginity loss)
And then my lips started to burn and herpes show up.
I forgot how much I hate my life for one night and now I go back to remember why I need to die for the lack of happiness.
(English is not my first language).",0.3633333333333333,2.7135564444444458,1.9522222222222247,95.315,88.72222222222223,5.977777777777778,20.5,7.3871296695380915,0.6117666666666666,272,9,62,5,9,88,53,72,0.159,0.664,0.177,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,0,2,0,5,4,1,2,0,11,12,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,6,0,10,4,7,6,2,13,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,11,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466004408143152,0.15918734801564413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786778412224088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134668394344482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216940206187055,0.0,0.0,0.14729808723450372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835253202329502,0.0,0.1524826747960283,0.4203913605925401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295373583541426,0.0,0.18823043341012133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466390005687218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040054253550866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015194164434566,0.14136683400555533,0.0,0.18413392090020955,0.0,0.5367449667667145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919145287058653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597276020483444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771018782533164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349452226634406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203473948731055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ays_500,2018/03/03,"I wanna know All of the people around here like me are depressed and done with their lives,
they're done being sad and tormented.
But the thing is why do you people care about us, you don't know me or any of the people posting here you're just giving out fake hope to   live a little longer for us to maybe find that hope for living. It wouldn't make any difference
life would move on with or without me 
",10.505622489959839,5.728239722891568,9.132530120481928,78.86417670682732,61.40963855421687,12.030522088353415,33.69076305220884,7.793537801064563,2.240625702811245,319,5,70,2,3,98,59,83,0.103,0.747,0.15,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,2,1,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,21,16,5,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,9,4,14,11,1,6,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,4,1,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106723730704497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789236772646116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792918652782265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341371788358547,0.0,0.0,0.16183580246870674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31702957371970003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157428143868012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859260735923818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076980152917068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025615933604893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940928221589076,0.07567550732513234,0.155248835305899,0.4103342304657079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033958483329984,0.0,0.155616207666557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646324273089398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32216102745566944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483497969971887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290757782286797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726472746751109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977166379078054,0.0,0.0,0.14931647736645645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003534029292523,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheAppleDude,2018/03/03,"I'm having suicide thoughts everyday. Not going to make it. I'm just not going to make it past this year. Broke up with my girlfriend three months ago. We tried being friends but we'd still like if we're still something. I just can't see her as just a friend and frankly she can't either. We met online, I traveled to Colombia to meet her (We had already broken up a month ago), I thought things would change after meeting each other. It only made things worse, I still love her. We had sex I was her first time, we treated each other as boyfriend and girlfriend while I was over there but she insisted in not getting back toghther. I've just never been this much in love. I thought she was the girl I'd marry. I think of her all day. I like to imagine she's here with me, on the bus, at class, just walking down the street. I have imaginary conversations with her in my mind. It's become really hard. We haven't talked in a week (As ""friends""), her mom wants us to stop talking because this isn't going anywhere. She told me back on December that she doesn't love me anymore, and she told me it in person. She said that this would be the only time we'd see each other in our lives and didn't want me to travel again for her. That really hurt, I broke down in front of her and she just hugged me. I still believe she loves me, I'm honestly just waiting for her to meet a new guy and when that happens I'll believe that she stopped loving me. And once that happens I'm going to lose it, It's going to tear me apart and that'll end up with me taking my life. I just know it, just thinking of that situation brings me to tears. I feel alone, she had become my best friend in a certain way. We'd talk hours on the phone and on Skype. We had something really special and in person we still had that chemistry. Anyways, that's how I feel about this. I'm literally just waiting to find out she has another guy, then I'll realize she stopped loving me. I know it sounds dumb, I know we've all been heartbroken but this was different. Two years before this, I had a suicide attempt. Something similar with some other things happening in my life. Every time I see the subway coming, suicide comes to my mind. I had started cutting myself but stopped once people started to ask and had to make stupid excuses for it. I'm literally just waiting for her, that's when I'll do it. I'll finally understand that she stopped loving me. I have anxiety, I don't have friends at school anymore, I'm alone pretty much all the time, I don't consider my old friend, friends now. Things have changed. She was my world and now she's gone. I started going to the psychiatrist a couple months ago to treat my anxiety but it's not working and I don't want to tell him I'm having suicide ideation. I'm just tired, I want this to end. I wouldn't want to live knowing another guy has her in his arms now. She told me that I showed her how to be open with her feelings, how to start trusting people and she told me everyone need a person like me in their lives. She considers me to be special, a great person with nice feelings and someone she could always count on. But just doesn't want to have a long distance relationship anymore and because she stopped loving me somehow. But why? People tell me to try it in a couple of years after college and maybe we might meet each other in a different scenario but I don't want that, things would change. She would've been with other guys and I just can't bear with that. So in conclusion, I'm just waiting. I want proof she no longer loves me and that'll be the day I'm doing it. ",2.4701714261285908,4.315794430916558,3.408717296511629,90.96737827034886,76.6470588235294,6.265056429548564,24.828167749657997,7.105003140325477,0.9190740253077974,2823,98,598,31,64,901,260,731,0.13,0.7140000000000001,0.156,0.9902,3,2,3,0,0,5,83.0,14,0,1,6,37,37,3,0,21,0,55,15,1,7,6,134,135,39,4,15,29,1,5,3,9,7,3,2,0,9,49,45,0,10,18,3,0,14,19,7,0,3,28,10,116,30,77,91,12,102,0,4,3,11,103,33,1,4,57,400,165,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361969310083895,0.0,0.0,0.09628985523579976,0.0512978720604032,0.0,0.03867963489900746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748813683941553,0.07112251460095563,0.0,0.13830328561346478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345763935668857,0.0,0.0,0.07148891407983175,0.0,0.056674222077903375,0.1026790988361112,0.039555711138676834,0.10474641227713624,0.04878363282130807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752639046518345,0.08008623257065997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03711486522410785,0.10287057673628773,0.0,0.059958564983785385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713484440806948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234465757246705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03916601336234805,0.04441885865957013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940178014214862,0.0,0.0,0.05092256017428165,0.042486877408939035,0.039540517020214494,0.0,0.0,0.25140191157535474,0.0,0.02428673944896825,0.0,0.15851258309564056,0.0,0.0,0.05125039476410809,0.0,0.18411169487241166,0.1233208427553731,0.0,0.04164185042771843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045778824148153485,0.0,0.04976365705189305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218879440981804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566812437497617,0.06813135768535969,0.0,0.12314256494417705,0.04113817812230254,0.0,0.052005350387978405,0.0,0.0,0.37759456416018455,0.04398567566932133,0.09308823653722886,0.0,0.04670090266950569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049313737613791125,0.0938741463293584,0.05444322061854991,0.11131277592893647,0.0,0.06834433824810066,0.034468386976958316,0.03585246018902021,0.04489595657863885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048778681049169575,0.09901101682002184,0.0,0.07070858927476929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044375641039102506,0.09668151545855004,0.16235727744310074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729243480058189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933934719831359,0.0,0.0,0.049907998059977934,0.0,0.0,0.04421832701911041,0.0,0.0,0.047045777363342166,0.1111287032464949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225161592545455,0.0,0.0,0.039386987865332936,0.10736035760191504,0.0,0.0,0.13161061965276785,0.0,0.1856167818797716,0.2331836063228304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339023705618847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034951288238909146,0.11208977980148403,0.08126069938990436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544144034841801,0.05957202432787221,0.0,0.11071281206675897,0.1084242054927563,0.053428209456289344,0.0,0.17767543463828053,0.0,0.06312116546379665,0.0,0.04540954957017816,0.04839301365019325,0.05591629678429351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193466767425902,0.03689800235178309,0.037287840059838026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194590630710319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03384197578671802,0.0,0.047372665277227916,0.13208777656982298,0.0,0.0,0.08980535574867289
suicidewatch,likeatrottingstone,2018/03/03,"Giving up. I am a failure.

I spent years and years getting through high school - a considerable part of that time was eaten up recovering from a harsh mental breakdown. I went to university, studied something I couldn’t quite handle, and my grades are shit. I’ve tried to recover, but I cant. Two failed MS programs later, I do not see a path.

Meanwhile my girlfriend is doing tremendously well, and I know I cannot keep up. Her ambitions are certainly not tied down by my failures, but I cannot bear the thought of being a hindrance.

On one hand I feel like I only nees one more push and everything will be fine. All the work I’ve done will surely pay off? But I know this is not a rational expectation. The world owes me nothing, no matter how well meaning and hard working I am.

There’s always just one more push needed. This endless trudge through a dark tunnel. Will there be light, or do I need to keep walking, alone, tired and so very much out of hope?",3.3100531914893634,5.231809420212767,4.056329787234045,86.90875,74.47872340425532,6.827659574468084,26.643617021276608,7.6454224807358475,1.4415148936170212,753,28,150,10,16,240,126,188,0.124,0.701,0.175,0.9196,1,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,9,9,1,0,10,0,21,4,2,1,3,33,38,12,0,5,8,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,2,6,0,3,4,8,2,2,4,6,5,19,7,17,25,5,17,0,1,1,0,3,9,1,2,5,100,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901508421162053,0.0,0.0,0.12775271882335634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571187495580365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798660127333093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763148347153538,0.10968483315483306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802152606678243,0.1472839545404281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753644838858306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221726754025656,0.0,0.15249406179016806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729364282027912,0.0,0.0,0.1687567159465387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500903429032993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672437081458848,0.0,0.0,0.15472631964754913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286527199875418,0.22768726546976736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732016544290366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31211615687397626,0.11676964567532135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626253132264485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633024759291294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538476469640874,0.12234684579384845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576006068448209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819809583090965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470412691559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188897152241646,0.08952700222047172,0.17646492883726445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423961503713533,0.0,0.14998056298310858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668175975017482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760912935114181,0.14232770266157727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22354939121818665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197741927877506
suicidewatch,exhaustedmoon,2018/03/03,"It’s weird how I want to die more now that my life is more stable I have been trying rly hard not to kms, but hotlines/text services aren’t saying shit I haven’t already thought of and then rationalized away.
I can’t get professional help. I have wanted to die my whole life. I made to 18. I don’t know if I can make it to 19. May seems like an eternity away and the idea of me in my twenties is strange and foreign. I can’t imagine it.
All I’ve been asking for my whole life is a fucking stick or some shit and I’ve gone too long without at this point. My siblings are all hitting high school age now, so they don’t need me. There’s nothing and no one left for me to live for.
So why should I be alive?",0.7996753246753237,2.39436857792208,2.3389610389610382,97.88558441558443,80.75324675324677,5.1792207792207785,21.38961038961039,5.773587663045528,-0.17787792207792208,547,16,135,3,14,178,98,154,0.14300000000000002,0.759,0.098,-0.8369,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,3,0,18,6,2,3,2,26,31,12,2,5,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,9,4,0,1,5,2,19,1,16,22,7,14,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,5,7,87,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916976551340526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331430066105852,0.0,0.2880597768879618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31820127204979304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172288000833458,0.08009264035025228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732620456666272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275339624192342,0.1619692956120243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305643002198826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842493737754403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656031121871734,0.0,0.32483982539681994,0.07489437242263944,0.0,0.1353662312528679,0.1356651975427754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505565513840338,0.10232857955924886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366960671685065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470949658322438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038796811308728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491753992548298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190988312839235,0.0,0.1551472372105625,0.0,0.139558070339914,0.0,0.0,0.3147193842646679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170264707153045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040802701120796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083998604754714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832891792985888,0.34230674362827496,0.0,0.14777520838642685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pyrosleep,2018/03/03,"I'm out. I'm so damn tired of the same old shit. No, it doesn't get better. It really doesn't.. Not for me at least. I deserve to die. I deserve to rot in whatever hell may or may not exist. I hate how no one ever fucking listens to me and then they treat me like I'm not even human. I hate being garbage. I totally understand why I'm treated like it. I don't understand how anyone's ever managed to be around me. I hate being so alone. I hate my mind. I hate myself for everything. Fuck this. Whatever whatever whatever. I complain too much. Time for me to go. Wanted to down some pills, but I guess hanging will work. 

Edit: Actually just got into an argument with grandmother. Not going into details becahde it doesn't matter, but I let it loose that I'm going to kill myself and she really told me to do it. That's pretty hilarious. Perks of joking about doing it often is that she has no clue how serious I am. Brilliant! 

Also, sorry for the vulgarity. Just expressing my feelings.",0.13098423150233884,2.520476130653272,3.1555536302200657,84.66095477386936,94.22613065326631,6.1619130133425735,20.93242072431121,7.503015589744147,1.33474999133599,766,28,147,17,29,271,116,199,0.194,0.665,0.141,-0.8197,0,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,2,15,19,11,0,3,0,16,5,1,3,3,34,40,12,2,1,9,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,11,7,0,0,3,1,0,4,11,13,0,1,2,2,26,6,23,31,5,16,1,0,0,2,8,7,5,6,7,111,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.12262805924674496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014801308254018,0.0,0.10049191681208984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786584535890453,0.0,0.0,0.11186588958657694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113789444080298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041739545068368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299861607992964,0.22733708414320986,0.0,0.0,0.11293697121108932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353852137086775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323451288222942,0.06565324822217365,0.0,0.21424996109879466,0.0,0.10050344166166024,0.0,0.13843094403040954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6203264209684464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902646875739874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849798662132828,0.0,0.12278428583711876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268828745735122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237608475627154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318612101719326,0.0,0.08515187488764016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784350766876898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100468735054269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899031524681662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066840602578715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327456708902004,0.14443007077465336,0.0,0.12007549879019655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616373057462967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411874824299405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133904781442894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148348798828064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuckNrents,2018/03/03,"Fuck life All my friends are suicidal as fuck i dont know if ill wake up one day and find out one of them killed him/herself, anyway i dont wanna go into detail about their situation, they dont know i feel like killing myself, idk why i dont tell them i just cant bring myself to do it. Noone really knows, i tried telling my mom but she didnt believe me because she thinks the people who kill theirself are not the people who tell others, then she told my dad and they got really mad at me and called me a suicide baiter. I dont know what to do i'll probably just kill myself within a week, going to a party then, gonna get fucking wasted and then jump off a building or something. 
For anyone wondering; im 15",2.8699939795304026,3.8109617549668897,4.376881396748947,88.13228175797714,73.83443708609272,7.080313064419025,23.66104756170981,7.348242739294969,0.8354980132450329,559,15,122,6,11,187,99,151,0.267,0.6890000000000001,0.044,-0.9906,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,5,0,4,10,8,0,6,0,11,6,1,0,1,22,28,11,6,2,6,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,8,0,0,4,8,8,0,2,3,1,24,2,14,24,1,16,0,0,0,3,18,6,3,3,7,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916072957232595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060295104247145126,0.0,0.0,0.11143859794110504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099898338549973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378928185793473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5796135915265797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001227127567495,0.07066189367072989,0.0,0.0,0.090402677216683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641823697720351,0.27432431605742424,0.051676809427958055,0.0,0.11242657151486246,0.0,0.07910800062820658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684063474027583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377205713938518,0.0,0.21743515079432746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986362158550795,0.048322819599729484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158431308764504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404903276410104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714458624786482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664256918277064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672957957945946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111798808628172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614636444672805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163847177169427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593571906911368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337804535058561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451350597231052,0.0,0.06715393899204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934027574188386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892516103723936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726454089986104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gluwy,2018/03/03,"I never really felt this until I developed an anxiety disorder. I don't know anyone who is as much of a loser at this age.

There are so many things I *have* to do in order to survive and I'm so terrified I end up doing nothing. The furthest I've gotten is making a call, my legs were shaking and I couldn't talk and ended up hanging up.

I was in an abusive relationship and my ex left me in debt that isn't my fault, but instead of getting legal help I just don't check my email.

I was just a depressed, alienated person for a while until I met her. She was a bipolar sociopath. Even within a year I had already changed into a different person, scared, more easily agitated, more co-dependent. After seven years... I startle over mild noises and think about dying.

I tried to hang myself while living overseas. There was no escape. I was dependent on her entirely and she was telling me she was going to leave me there, illegally (violating our EU residency), with nothing. When she really came into her power, she would rip blankets and clothes off me and scratch and pinch me into letting her take my clothes off and doing whatever she wanted.

Maybe people like me don't deserve to live. I've given all I ever want to give, I'm used up. I just want to hide forever. If it weren't for my kitties I would've vanished by now.

sorry if you read this and it was rambling bullshit.",2.9077197802197823,4.880603366300367,4.838923992673994,80.63003434065936,75.77655677655677,7.333882783882784,27.125915750915752,8.212053250817874,2.0208926739926745,1081,43,200,19,24,370,161,273,0.155,0.777,0.068,-0.9718,3,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,1,0,3,14,8,1,3,10,0,25,2,1,3,3,36,43,22,1,7,6,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,16,0,0,3,1,2,5,8,7,0,1,16,2,42,1,34,24,4,37,0,2,0,0,24,17,0,3,15,155,50,2,0.0,0.1621390443402514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101195015109206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046861126802012,0.0,0.0,0.09568526269468794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397341282675678,0.15651431713208247,0.0,0.0,0.14476395107036935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786446805572486,0.0,0.1420235894013511,0.14297398403205985,0.1568363189422997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424082486287132,0.0,0.0,0.09038488562266797,0.12378421062037236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139273828165446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149590693901635,0.1312742715010163,0.0777722133339617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172437346619812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520647790830771,0.0,0.0,0.1448991822920756,0.14868258130273396,0.1399333672302084,0.0,0.06685559444124625,0.0,0.2416734279208945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134515442837117,0.13873943381588166,0.13747927745685448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059688039767813,0.0,0.10554336297776984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262613092597509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487114901353044,0.23897569336828206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688211358412716,0.0,0.17533292647768875,0.0,0.0,0.1469204045403623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700579926046996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318686491253808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028904706034528,0.10999089279893966,0.11960863280119716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909137914107088,0.08768480257433871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929088274975004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181902130384147,0.0,0.0,0.2421443235627027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442163904424065,0.0,0.0,0.17624749150933994
suicidewatch,NeuronXray,2018/03/03,"Indian guy With so many struggles Dear Reddit, here’s my story: I am 22 years old living in America  for 17 years. I’ve had to support my father being America I have Autism high functioning and visual spatial processing learning disability and Cerebral Palsy growing up my dad would  always control me and he still does I have no freedom when I was in 5th grade I was misdiagnosed with and I was put into a wrong school program I had to fight for my IEP and get New diagnosed all myself and deal with my dad and his cultural differences. My dad takes my SSI my dad didn’t even wish me happy birthday my dad says that retarded person is better than I am even though I have 100 points in IQ I have no support and I have constantly fight and no helps it makes me said my learning disability makes it difficult things yet I am still trying to go to college I wish I was white cause white People get help I have no I have no help",2.2020426742532004,4.584557443243245,3.7706116642958776,85.37156472261738,79.97297297297297,6.921763869132291,23.790896159317214,8.032893268588372,1.5125135135135137,737,26,143,14,19,244,108,185,0.138,0.695,0.16699999999999998,0.7836,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,2,1,1,0,20,1,0,4,1,23,31,12,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,4,13,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,4,31,5,15,21,1,19,0,0,2,0,19,7,0,0,9,95,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703433830701508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243959091219024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448909766012985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199563267214405,0.15775399595428508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500678795960836,0.0,0.14275955961330966,0.0,0.14695216580424586,0.0,0.0,0.1230861513304766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579960246812105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697049175703653,0.0,0.079936187455284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926831548588814,0.0,0.14972744586164316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828296790318053,0.14860733097036075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419893692809225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777357810722328,0.14259979128179642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358432825066895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759137915815715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751089272821448,0.1228125380739397,0.0,0.0,0.13296229225261846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413948415806452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337929548000358,0.11185269579744997,0.0,0.14234807123267815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465090275745128,0.0,0.0,0.1470407717392041,0.0,0.0,0.31922210100114584,0.0,0.0,0.10575334805250332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934434235691671,0.0,0.1381905924919429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549397056760503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32348739474736193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991566343411093,0.15378167955168529,0.0,0.1811514924914958
suicidewatch,SecureLandscape,2018/03/03,"I feel like I don't deserve anything. I'm a male student. I'm friends with practically my entire school- and i'm pretty young, and, from a friend's words (which is just an excuse that I use so I don't feel worse about 'flaunting my upsides' or whatever), am pretty mature. -not really caring about grammar in this text post because it's not exactly an essay for school.- At a younger age than I already am- in my single years, I've always had a feeling of emptiness and yearn in me. I wanted to reach out to somebody else- and have somebody care about me. But I wanted it to be real- I didn't want somebody like a therapist to help me. Because I knew they were being payed to do it- and they probably wouldn't care. My parents either would just feed me that same hope, send me to a therapist, or just think I'm joking. And telling my friends would get me nowhere since they'd just tell my parents- which, in turn, makes my parents send me to a therapist, and on and on.

It's escalated these past years. I've been going through bouts of depression that I classify in myself as just a phase. I don't know if it is a phase, if i'm just trying a new way to look for attention, or other stuff like that, but I've already been cutting, and I've already  been contemplating suicide for many days. For around a year now, I don't think I can remember a single day I haven't thought about how death would be like- from just thinking about it and wondering if people would care, to silently crying to myself under a blanket, blasting youtube through my phone wearing headphones and the fan on full blast so noone could hear my whimpers, telling myself that I shouldjust go outside and stab myself with dirty needles, jump off a bridge, or just ingest every single pill known to mankind.

Anyway- lately it's been worse because of losing my friends. No- not the friends that I claim I have much of- but those 'special' friends, ones that you call your best friends- ones that made me feel so happy. I only have four. Of those four, one has found a girlfriend(technically boyfriend but you know sex changes), one has completely gone away and cut connections, one is depressed and will probably end himself soon, and one? I'm slowly starting to dislike him.

The combination of this emptiness and lack of self worth have evolved me to this point. I've stopped crying myself to sleep at least once a week at this point, but now- I can't even smile at home, and it hurts to fake it for the hours I'm at in school. I've developed.. 'Voices' in my mind, that constantly scream at me. They scream that I don't deserve this, that I don't deserve this family. They tell me I have such a good life- and I shouldn't be like this. They tell me I'm worthless for being like this, and it's all true.
It's like they're all parts of my subconcious- which they are. They're like the angel on your shoulder that tells you the right way to go, but the angels were just the devils who stole the costume of those heavenly.. Things. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without thinking, ""Wow- you really are a piece of shit. You should take a knife and paint the fucking walls red.""

And the worse part? At school, this is who I make fun of. This is who my friends and I talk about, and joke about. The edgy teenager that hasn't even learned how to solve a 'pythagorean theory"" or learn how to solve complex math shit. I laugh about it, but on the inside- I'm silently screaming for help. Every day I tell them I'm basically that person- but they just thiink it's a joke. I'm calling myself worthless to the adults in game shops I go to. I say, ""My life is worth as much as this free game."" ""I'm basically the same relevance as this pencil."" But nobody's picking up on it. And.. the voices are telling me that it's good. They're telling me I don't deserve this attention anyway, and honestly- I'm scared. I'm believing everything. I watch suicide attempts on youtube and i'm telling myself that I should be there. I'm watching people show their cuts- and I'ms creaming, ""Why can't you do that? It doesn't hurt, you just have to do it harder!!"" And I do want to do it harder, but I'm scared and I don't want to either. I want these scars to prove myself I'm worth something- and I can listen to myself.


This was just a vent, not meant to be structured well. I probably repeated myself alot,  but this is what I truly think. I know my friends frequent reddit, and as this is a popular site, they might see this. And they'll never know it's me.

And I suppose that's for the best.

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suicidewatch,Da3droth,2018/03/03,"After effects I need help, last year I struggled with what I thought was depression and tried to kill myself by taking all my antidepressants and drinking a litre of of hydrogen chloride, so sadly I survived, I now spasm constantly and my throat and stomach hurt 24/7 and it’s making me miserable, I want out but I saw how my parents took it when they saw me lying on the kitchen floor and my father revived me 7 times while the ambulance sat outside waiting for the police, I’ve had constant bullying (physical and mentally) all day at school from the age of 4 (I was put a year ahead) till 16 and even to this day I can’t have any pets or dogs, neither can my parents as people come along and kill them :( it getting to the point where I’m just a burden and I need to go, I’ve found a foundry who doesn’t lock doors so I could jump into molten metal and no one would know better or I could just try slit my throat? I’m a burden cause I tried to kill the main bully in school but his dad is leader of a local motor cycle gang, the greasy dogs and they don’t relent :( what should I do? Police won’t take action against them as they are scared.",5.022399267399269,5.018700824786325,5.502075702075706,85.38538461538462,68.52991452991452,8.224175824175825,28.25274725274725,7.7094869923839395,1.519243956043956,899,27,189,9,14,289,148,234,0.246,0.7190000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9956,2,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,5,4,9,12,3,3,13,0,16,5,3,4,2,40,35,24,3,7,6,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,7,17,2,1,4,1,0,6,6,11,0,1,9,2,30,1,25,21,4,30,0,4,2,0,12,9,0,2,15,123,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914335721894362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593541133443447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466200849219895,0.0,0.1129194658505311,0.0,0.2833160080467627,0.0,0.20932390607951276,0.0,0.0,0.16907997576636688,0.0,0.11290466365256895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841492545382374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658143780599348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372964901525226,0.0,0.0,0.06848731817691289,0.0,0.07449951399971796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878645592329614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033087567481442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350835758459005,0.0,0.07204174619205278,0.10685304381152028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750129794970289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210442247300427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439804926438492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888276468676055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911122278080335,0.0,0.0,0.09087891666079713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391917188507033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177820102713525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124051666394818,0.26533319797279736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370401364068315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712156119934449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406808761092602,0.07643762839454397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145641993533776,0.2669975122782644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773182505245492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312013249274136,0.0,0.0,0.16883089600050588
suicidewatch,JustTooDamnEdgy,2018/03/03,"I Wrote a Lovely Suicidal Pep-Talk. In the Perspective of My Crippling Negativity. ""There comes a point in time where you don’t care what happens to anyone, not even yourself. You’re not exactly at the point of suicide, since let’s be fair, you’re probably a pussy through and through. You tote around this ‘I’m so cool u guyz please believe me!’ bullshit, and wonder why people avoid you like the plague. You sneer and swear as if that somehow makes up for your lack of personality, your face is about as fucked as it can get. Scowling and being a smarmy cunt isn’t getting you anywhere. Can you feel love? I hope the fuck not, since they’re gonna be swept up under the rug before you can say ‘I wanna die.’ You’re better off as a sociopath, where no one but you matters. You wish your were that selfish. But you can’t do that, can you? You can’t run away from home and wander in the streets at night, hoping that someone comes and shoots you in the head, because you know you’ll never do it yourself. Because again, you’re a soft-hearted pussy.
                       I know you’d like to have a partner one of these days, someone to wake up next to. But you should know that it’ll never happen. You live in fantasy because the reality is just total shit. You know you have to change in order to get *someone somewhere* to love you. You *know* you don’t have the will to change, you want to change, but you can’t. Because hatred and self-loathing is all you know, it’s what you’re comfortable with. But you hate that, don’t you? Oh, you hate a lot of things. You hate your family, don’t you? Imagine what they’d say, ‘I can’t believe you think this way,’ or maybe ‘I don’t know when you got so negative.’ Well monkey see, monkey do. But monkey doesn’t want to see, she’d rather gouge out her own eyes than see what’s become of her and her reality. Imagine how angry your dysfunctional ass family would be if they knew. But they don’t know, do they? 


**This is a very small snippet of the three thousand word essay relaying my ""feelings."" I might include more bits and pieces, but I'm more curious to see if anyone else thinks the same way.**
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suicidewatch,mzizmzez,2018/03/03,"i ALWAYS fail. When I'm gone I won't disappoint them anymore Please tell me I'm right.

I'm someone who always fails and who cant seem to change for good. I remember when I was a kid I was shit. Now that I realize that, Ive been trying to change, but I always end up failing. I always end up disappointing those I care about especially my parents. And it hurts me so bad to see them in constant pain because of me. The last few years have been a constant ""today I will become better"" with the day ending with me feeling worse and worse. I dont see the point anymore, knowing I'll always be a big worthless piece of shit who was probably born by accident.

Compared to the constant pain they will feel from the disappointment I will give them when I live, my death will put them at peace. They will forget about me, time will heal them.",2.860448013524937,4.536950349112432,3.920224006762471,88.4570562130178,75.09467455621302,6.722062552831784,24.497464074387153,7.447530270364453,1.0201475908706676,655,21,137,8,14,212,98,169,0.322,0.583,0.096,-0.9945,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,7,4,7,16,2,0,8,0,17,5,2,0,0,13,29,8,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,13,0,0,6,4,28,3,17,15,2,25,0,8,2,0,14,7,2,1,16,87,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591377756217581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188930103521612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921451818421636,0.06727384146175022,0.12188288013977215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760359538385692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251838795058182,0.0,0.23349044509010916,0.0,0.0,0.3577767227917603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117244572759468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933996334298076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29323603760123423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116016847786147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586643931386144,0.0,0.092563919913992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814162602758432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060650437732023374,0.08995734033002505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974490469389585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23485958142292215,0.0,0.12254064468838108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114107670667135,0.1043249562300095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898570177221528,0.0,0.0,0.11094130831487256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501526980694916,0.0942460101544454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588372020417875,0.10046671774336352,0.0,0.0,0.2265639204545556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935068495043845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645865805291362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435123891872356,0.0,0.10460745819102588,0.0,0.0,0.07492653842615304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493056325326025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106759820773179
suicidewatch,LuckyWhip,2018/03/03,"I'm fucked up on painkillers. Give me a reason whyi shouldn't just take the rest of what i have just to see if i wake up Please

",2.061379310344829,2.434042206896553,2.27189655172414,104.60025862068966,75.20689655172413,5.8000000000000025,17.948275862068964,3.1291,-1.1606,100,1,28,0,2,30,25,29,0.153,0.767,0.08,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,5,7,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,6,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40396673077709055,0.0,0.4191762601676676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796559118800771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492723842959477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34820421153954345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285429976590104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VividlyThrownAway,2018/03/03,"If I fail school I am going to kill myself This is going to be what...like the eighth or ninth time I've tried to finish college? Every time I go I find some way to fuck it up. Either my anxiety gets the best of me, I get addicted to drugs and stop going because I'd rather do drugs, or my social skills (which i have finally gotten good at) caused me to scare/offend someone so I got removed.

Not this time though. This time. I'm going to pass. Because if I don't pass, I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to end it all and kill myself. I am almost 30, and I've barely done anything with my life. If I don't finish school, I'm going to jump in front of a train.

Just venting, thanks.",-0.09722972972972954,1.8581506959459484,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,85.95945945945945,4.510810810810812,16.006756756756758,5.602791699666715,-0.6890756756756753,525,10,119,3,16,180,84,148,0.166,0.768,0.066,-0.9432,0,0,2,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,4,0,3,0,9,5,0,1,1,19,27,10,3,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,13,3,5,0,0,3,0,18,3,16,23,4,26,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,7,9,69,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178509322364748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210512538624304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247851858935648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948001752597456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738365563633435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686385232675845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418464428750778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370976598861368,0.0,0.0,0.2803819746320748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707034177257936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185283563503872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324262212638824,0.1104888797678558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175843941590193,0.1263173383679035,0.0,0.5496246936600914,0.10139460301750176,0.09668468500258516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012319414119692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085386335041897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102936129134965,0.24468897484049895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322946523041428,0.1024274889581592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010672667815999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112968623126395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877124191652627,0.0,0.2819616252168717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207459911220757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595477931410604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Olgoth141,2018/03/03,"I am now considering it. I just hurt my brother. I head but him and I hurt his head and he started bleeding. I had so much anger and rage all because of a fucking video game and pent up rage inside of me. He was calm and tried to calm me down but instead I hurt him. I fucking hate myself why does god allow people like me to live!!!??? Why am I so angry and cruel. Why am I so irrational and depressing. Why am I such a failure in everything I do. Now my dad knows how much of a fucking idiot I am!!! I hope god takes my life either by someone killing me tonight or just me having a heartattack in my sleep so that my brother can be healed.. It hurts so much in my heart, I didn’t want to hurt him. He’s on his way to the hospital right now because I gave him a cut. Why god why do you let me live?!! Take my soul!! And send it to hell so I may suffer for all of my crimes!!! I just hope my brother is ok. After this I might consider suicide as an option once again.",-0.17243881118881174,1.7057876826923142,2.1665034965034984,96.36940559440559,85.63461538461539,4.935664335664336,20.512237762237767,6.11248444174946,-0.053046153846153736,730,23,175,6,22,248,112,208,0.348,0.5379999999999999,0.114,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,0,0,16,25,12,0,7,1,17,10,4,2,2,26,29,19,2,3,7,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,19,0,0,4,0,41,6,19,21,6,16,2,7,0,3,17,7,4,6,8,122,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079246731524455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533461219992877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670268343509574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904374493766967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747844239999981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978177243722438,0.20336254533465925,0.0,0.0,0.11740636057619808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681102682796991,0.0,0.0,0.5303182555964433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961368355169042,0.0,0.05444996047658514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131263325919757,0.0699807997039134,0.048403868605610335,0.0,0.17497307365699574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510471640384228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849831214272014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551344663047962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868730537352177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461095615928038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914824697510326,0.0,0.08394736213281198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012699464535008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837382349985653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898668874257653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726657232017418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058438001682486036,0.07864246882734555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5364078409028086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayy55577,2018/03/03,"Im going to be falsely accused of rape Pretty self explanatory. Don't want to go into detail. On top of this I have major depression, severe OCD, panic disorders, and onset schizophrenia. Planning on ODing on heroin since it seems like one of the most comfortable ways to go out. I'm 21, skinny and white. I'm not going to prison just to get raped and stabbed. I'm not going to deal with my friends and family thinking that I'm a monster. Spending my last day of my life with my family today. Just want someone to talk to before I do it. Planning on doing it in about 24 hours. I'd rather die a good man than a monster.

Taking recommendations as to what to do on my last day. 

I was dealt shit cards in life. 

I'm so scared and sad... sad because my parents will think that they did something wrong but in reality all they've done is love me. They'll ask how they didn't see it coming, when in reality I hide my feelings so well I should have been an actor.

God bless you all.",2.397452941176472,4.086509509999999,4.043235294117647,87.02882352941177,76.4,6.505882352941178,23.264705882352942,7.285733465282438,0.8547088235294118,762,23,159,9,17,255,125,200,0.153,0.7120000000000001,0.135,0.2655,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,3,3,9,16,3,2,5,0,16,7,2,1,2,27,38,11,1,4,6,1,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,8,10,1,0,4,1,1,6,4,9,1,1,5,3,17,7,30,29,4,26,1,3,2,3,12,12,1,2,8,95,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131953211757846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562858494581968,0.0,0.11952875389007185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210015862104114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811817396588587,0.14481734791112094,0.12098572455698145,0.0,0.1457846215348112,0.0,0.16098961796622918,0.0,0.0,0.14374853384993624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264843301283927,0.0,0.07102533568412027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085259836286306,0.0,0.07338924314141736,0.0,0.3991587853330351,0.11781871388717785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833364759384162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173060038213915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290019297420141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843478604949988,0.0686260470826348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677873653946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518541457277,0.0,0.0,0.16481007945616352,0.1559741762179661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142907449706139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063395156714664,0.0,0.11193558855007056,0.12787768154144408,0.1465397787598494,0.15868996175864306,0.14418938689067776,0.1161973898191324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901890886303275,0.10813988163310492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561518955892753,0.11290364330713687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001369788690896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314816613779112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570448480279318,0.11149773610893812,0.0,0.0,0.12629848048892128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358077579234644,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cennelath,2018/03/03,"I can't go on, reality is broken and lost. My family was evicted September 11th last year, we'd been in the rental 10 years after our dad (mom's ex-husband) evicted us from our house we owned, but I was so young I barely remember that.

After we were evicted last year we got a hotel and were planning on staying 20 days as the owner of the apartment we planned on renting renovated it. But on the day we were going to sign the lease, the owner said he wasn't actually renting it to us and had found someone else. I was shocked as he'd been keeping contact with my mom and asking us if we had anywhere to stay and generally seeming to care. So now we were stuck in a hotel, I was so angry and sad after learning about the apartment that, before bed I slashed my legs up with a razor, cutting myself for the first time in my life, it felt oddly good to see my own blood running like that, I can't explain it.

As time in the hotel dragged on, my mom discovered this and took the sharp things away so I would go in the bathroom and cry and beat myself up with my own fists in the legs and chest till i bruised. I don't know what emotions I was feeling, a combination of anger and sadness perhaps. 

We left the hotel after spending almost two months there, the cramped room and the shocked homesickness I felt killed my personality, I couldn't think, I couldn't laugh, and despite being no more than 6 feet away from a family member at all times, I couldn't hold a conversation. We moved into an apartment owned by an assistence program, and while it was still small and not so great, I had some room for myself, though I was still massively homesick and still continued to occasionally cut myself.

We spent from October to March at that apartment, my personality slowly came back, I almost felt healed in a way, the agreement with the program that lent us the apartment was that we could stay until we got our tax returns and then we could hopefully put money down on a house and move in. 

That is, until they decided to evict us for no written or apparent reason, part of the agreement was for me to get therapy, I did, they didn't care that I honored it. They told my mom my mental issues we're because I had done drugs, I have experienced them my whole life, they wouldn't even drug test me even though I offered for them to multiple times. I felt so confused and betrayed, nobody in my family has ever done drugs or even drinks alcohol, the comfort and slow healing I had felt melted away in an instant, determined to finally kill myself I slashed up my wrist with one of the dull knives in the apartment while my family was away, I tried for hours to break the skin, cutting and cutting as I cried, remembering those days back home before all this happened.

As the eviction process with the apartment program continued on and my stress grew and grew. I'm not a mentally healthy person at all, and it got into my head amid all the stress that somehow in some alternate... *Universe?* I really can't explain my thought process to another person. But I seem to, amid all the stress, somehow developed an idea that I had an alternate life where the original eviction never happened, and I was still living at home. It's gotten so bad that I wake up every morning and live an alternate life in the old house in my head.

Naturally this leads to homesickness and tears, I was really starting to put my life together before September 11th 2017, my mental health was stabilizing so well I felt good and almost healthy before it all was ripped away. As I spiralled downwards, my mind began to tell me in whispers that I could cross over to this other, more happy world, I would only need to commit suicide to do so.

This brought me comfort as I began to imagine the blood pouring from my body as I blacked out. Only for me to awaken with the sun shining down through the big window in my old bedroom, warming my face as it did for the past 10 years. 2 days ago we were evicted from that other little apartment. We are now staying in a hotel again until the taxes come back and then we can hopefully look for a place to stay, finally. That's what my mom says but I'm not sure how it all works.

I feel even further broken again, my personality is dying again and I cry every day, my mind keeps telling me to commit suicide and go home. Everyday I cry as memories flash across my vision.

I remember eating food that wasn't microwaved, I remember when all I had to worry about was wars in which I would die  much faster. I remember having my own room, I remember how I'd practice driving our car in the parking lot of a church by the old house. I remember the tingling, curious feeling when I was learning about my own sexuality when I got a crush on another boy in the math classes I was taking,  I remember the old furniture I had to leave behind that had been in the family for over 10 years. I remember the cold, unfeeling shock I felt that September morning when my mom came home and told us we couldn't stay at home any more, and we had to start packing.

I remember the tears I cried as we loaded most of our things into a storage unit where they still remain, I remember how our cats hid, sad, scared looks on their faces as we gathered them up to bring to the hotel. I remember the drive to the hotel on that rainy September afternoon, and how I cried when I realized the claustrophobic size of the room we'd be staying in. I remember how we made multiple trips back home to put more and more things in storage the last couple days after the eviction and I remember our crushed spirits after the news that this would not be over so quickly, and how a family of four with three cats got put in a hotel room for two.

I remember home, and I can't handle losing it, this is the last straw, 6 months of hell, I just want to go back, I am going further and further into my own mind, I don't think anything will work out ever again, the best times in my life, while frought with anxiety and stress,and uncertainty, were miles from this hell, and I'd take it over this easily. I cannot function anymore, I don't know if I'll ever be happy again. I feel cold, lost and empty.",7.890194160957446,6.332958504534211,7.955991841259916,75.27180338004949,63.29513602638088,11.003604628023991,36.24767603832049,9.83838024301492,3.336543008215596,4858,186,946,80,58,1582,433,1213,0.174,0.7509999999999999,0.076,-0.9992,15,0,5,0,0,7,117.0,36,0,9,12,58,49,10,5,74,0,82,32,14,10,15,196,153,94,7,18,13,7,14,1,0,6,15,3,20,6,50,81,4,3,43,9,7,27,23,29,1,6,73,25,164,20,160,60,28,213,4,10,5,0,75,89,2,18,89,678,214,13,0.0,0.0,0.029403241986276262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026709070451293608,0.03220058255770144,0.09051470858907583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02048992678101495,0.06318938632743533,0.023049922777277843,0.0,0.029881583641226037,0.0,0.0,0.0247950200417664,0.0,0.02816816128829625,0.0,0.14154404373156032,0.11584334146626417,0.025157897494513658,0.018367410793718127,0.0,0.10255611374399401,0.0,0.03162033782509481,0.0,0.0,0.03346844389488448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892304683150531,0.06144056615260553,0.0,0.0,0.025954952333083318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217079841211907,0.033339075019060235,0.19858312486929602,0.11659095298866827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254187273632686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616683873472178,0.0,0.029516640411868963,0.10482622822021198,0.030831254652993405,0.025170355128388985,0.03389301105738535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796042409254386,0.08176489954962747,0.05077287205386996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042740039640786,0.0,0.0609400011969088,0.0,0.2025115533802792,0.06601347470482744,0.0,0.025629179986201955,0.036434193256423116,0.033036785650222965,0.0,0.0,0.015742060638645184,0.0,0.10274391506208806,0.0505444465425324,0.1204914696433898,0.03321923158216972,0.0,0.0,0.053289002660431434,0.06414943581790401,0.0,0.0,0.06184563480220274,0.032027552565399395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156502291371868,0.05985321864563959,0.02967269555554612,0.13906724864866174,0.0,0.034013921920917366,0.0,0.03144864954284087,0.0,0.05356314705571976,0.06667036775239152,0.0,0.033118117843063136,0.09824225213547903,0.0,0.03190408810503774,0.03273712175963248,0.0,0.1276933362886081,0.014720350671605147,0.0301989028926158,0.053211965830785635,0.0,0.050604442135278836,0.03370857504613798,0.06578249304959599,0.0256160656032126,0.0,0.02851042129690456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910940543984215,0.0,0.09127033130710696,0.21173245148230704,0.04810011576375363,0.06404838626302263,0.02214955035998839,0.02234155140700111,0.023238673249082232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646851283806748,0.0,0.020417359601757404,0.04583154945007496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032628639840169074,0.0287631871533904,0.0,0.1315449379282163,0.031480195478898555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115880642673725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860502899721476,0.030979404403421926,0.0,0.0,0.5119835807214813,0.0,0.028661220117130626,0.02396116252710421,0.030166112888728124,0.0,0.024010287436568557,0.05485976230264997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025529666205398902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426533656281217,0.22480741288928371,0.12031218278770114,0.0,0.13805857848129988,0.0,0.0,0.06591624725448594,0.0,0.028397852498422995,0.0,0.04530911199601542,0.0,0.05267116485613452,0.0,0.03445711088858327,0.0,0.060052546161723314,0.03861310495411312,0.05920657026295401,0.02392043066261121,0.08784734263888627,0.0,0.0,0.057582399480805416,0.03347634503397365,0.02045678499579851,0.0,0.05886668191169455,0.0,0.21746131954428904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017771882746048517,0.023916367682336945,0.0,0.0,0.0270911410626512,0.0,0.0,0.03363987934252502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387105449749527,0.03059921464566887,0.0,0.08561601250571757,0.0,0.0,0.09701599775200023
suicidewatch,throwaway203800,2018/03/03,fuck i cant stop getting drubk off of cheap vodka im only 17 why do i do this,-3.966666666666665,-2.599343000000001,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,104.0,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.8913333333333333,60,1,17,0,3,23,17,20,0.181,0.722,0.097,-0.3843,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414317576741368,0.2494687872875229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.515771075589389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631526177948438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992029725172992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308604042999125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rum3637,2018/03/03,"Been suicidal for the last week and a half, had my neck in a noose twice. Woke up today with no sense of fear or sadness; felt rather tranquil even. Now I'm right back to being suicidal. I'm a 22 year old male who was born with 2 rare disease in my jaw and neck that affect my speech, my facial features, the way I look at myself, and the way I think others look at me. at age 21 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after writing some suicidal and homicidal notes after getting into some legal trouble (No I wouldn't harm anyone except for myself I was jsut pissed.) I can't really get into to much detail as to why as it's really really personal and I don't want to be attacked for it, but I'm willing to do so in dm's.  But anyway, I was scared Tuesday due to knowing I'd get backlash over something...but instead of killing myself that day, when I had the house to myself for 3 hours which is plenty enough time to die from strangulation. I decided to wait it out and take the backlash, which in all honesty was not as bad as I thought it'd be.










I took therapy for my bipolar disorder but refuse medication because I don't wanna be on it anymore. My therapist in our last session basically told me she doesn't see me progressing in the future or at all. Which has made me feel as if I'm hopeless and can't be fixed. I really don't wanna be liek this forever...but I've been like this for so long that I just have no motivation to do anything to change it anymore.





Well in any case I was still very depressed and suicidal afterwards and am scared for tomorrow as well. I don't wanna do what I have to do tomorrow and I no longer want to face the future. I don't even feel alive anymore, I can't do anything I did in the past that made me happy. My family is to damn disconnected and none of us get together. My grandfather passed away on me almost a half a year ago (to be honest I think the only reason I've held on this long is cause I've not taken my necklace with his ashes off in the past week and a half.) My family I wouldn't say is pjysically abusive. But they are emotionally abusive. Through out middle and high school my great aunt would constantly tell me I wouldn't amount to anything because my grades were so low. (I'm a smart person...but I had just moved away from my friends and was depressed and didn't feel like doing anything.) Now since I dropped out of college I'm constantly told I'ma  failure and if I hang out with my mother I'm constantly told that she's going to be the reason I end up in jail. Or I'm constantly told that I'm going to get the cops called on me (Her newest threat since my run in with the law) if I ask for my disability check. 





No doctors will work on me where I live and I'm constantly in pain due to this. I can't get a job and I'm 22 with no experience in a job. In fact I have no life experience under my belt at all. I dropped out of college after only one semester because I felt like I went in too early and now I can't get back in because I can't get in touch with my doctor to get him to okay it so I can get it paid off. And due to my diseases I constantly bleed and wake up in with blood on my pillow and on my face in the morning. And I'm constantly in pain due to the way the disease is affecting my jaw. I was constantly bullied for this when I was younger with such questions like ""Why is your jaw so big, why is the left side of your jaw bruised (It was due to pressure that has now been fixed, though I still bleed in the spot from time to time but no further bruising has occurred.) and I never really got to know people because of that. I had maybe a total of three friends, two whom I quit being friends with because they tried to do ""things"" with me at age 14/15 which I was not having.) after moving I made a few more friends, probably around 5 more, but after graduating, I only kept in touch with one and now I don't even talk to him anymore either.





The only girl I ever loved doesn't loved me back. I mailed her, her teddy bear back to her that I kept for a few years after we broke up even though she asked for it back multiple times. I didn't get rid of it because I didn't want to lose the one thing I had that reminded me of her after losing her. But I finally decided to mail it to her and did so. She should of received it Wednesday and if she did, then she received a letter of me apologizing and another letter from me letting her know that I wasn't doing okay and that I needed someone to talk to cause I didn't have anyone, but that she by no means needed to write or call me, but that it's be welcomed and yet I have no heard back from her yet. I've not been able to find love since then and every time I found someone I thought I loved I realized I didn't really loved them and only used them so that I wouldn't feel lonely.





I'm unhealthy due to being in pain and I can't eat because of the pain. I can't ope my jaw more then maybe  half an inch, give or take without hurting so much that it almost brings tears. And again I have no way of remedying this because no doctor will see me and all they wanna do is prescribe me pain pills. Which I won't take cause I don't want to get hooked on them and also because I know Id' be to tempted to overdose on them in order to end my suffering.





I feel so lost and so alone in my life that I'd just rather end it and hoe that if there is something like an afterlife that I'm accepted in it or that I get some kind of restart. I'm so scared that I might in fact do something that I'll regret in the next few hours, that'll hurt my family...and even though I know it will and I don't wanna do that to them...I still wanna go through with it. Why did I have to get dealt this card and why did I have to go and make my hand even worse? What's the meaning behind it all...I just don't wanna be here anymore or be me. I've already lost all my friends and people I consider family and I'm losing new people I consider family all over again along with the death of my grandfather and I just can't take it anymore. I've never really had many friends when I was younger, so the ones I did have I cherished very much and yet now I can't have any contact with them and it sucks so much. 






I just want my life to be over with...I'm no longer enjoying the things I used to enjoy and I just don't feel alive anymore.",3.9649478090535837,3.9486239153674845,5.2812221715369265,86.10429870931387,70.79658500371195,8.510868417992684,27.439012173415264,8.299931025471235,1.562468759671202,4942,151,1115,68,83,1660,416,1347,0.156,0.742,0.101,-0.9972,2,3,3,0,0,5,109.0,3,2,8,9,66,66,6,5,41,2,124,38,14,14,12,197,226,97,7,28,37,2,11,5,6,13,18,3,1,3,66,73,1,5,29,0,2,14,54,35,2,11,59,18,174,31,184,137,24,184,0,16,4,5,77,73,3,19,95,776,240,14,0.035670278682685005,0.08452689478369375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03161954983074032,0.0,0.07143726307925735,0.03694365112206964,0.039363039524012204,0.028525508975226467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851402538040358,0.037403397347687765,0.0,0.0,0.24762732094392065,0.049882976460446087,0.0,0.11741440020453656,0.031754110565833014,0.06669379086927196,0.04058009153018177,0.06702680203230797,0.16456945507250026,0.02978319275150603,0.2174427080540796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284668542252959,0.0,0.0,0.10992960611278757,0.037734425136115024,0.0,0.0,0.3083751932585819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023004378821802996,0.0,0.06144551752245045,0.03620458200945772,0.037020117661907014,0.0,0.08176245939674971,0.10953012513256064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649960018722228,0.0,0.04012426242976656,0.09477983823967202,0.036856933145742614,0.0,0.1413592959330182,0.03226580923048315,0.030053748236666688,0.0,0.0,0.06978475428301896,0.13450705667411827,0.04013898044580033,0.10821578804351684,0.025482854218168854,0.06849812276411495,0.039075046747433895,0.032601988494389465,0.0,0.0,0.03911061944366985,0.16535261295774234,0.0,0.2609074772534051,0.034218181623443165,0.08108896558905884,0.0,0.028528780404514394,0.03932660817480619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037971674943855116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376876078624541,0.0,0.0,0.07025607854394911,0.04115871241652798,0.0763715421601314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079449515654335,0.0,0.03946387837092295,0.03714510615764434,0.0980172615281288,0.058152075950128786,0.0,0.0,0.03875586215856409,0.03647527668836595,0.07558491818713911,0.08713348194494115,0.0,0.03149750958661098,0.06313414831193374,0.05990810060841209,0.11971775322600042,0.07787664571723375,0.0,0.16096909585892136,0.10125624048244013,0.023810188004945592,0.03616406391262096,0.07167117869615391,0.07771078117193217,0.0,0.03593405306915929,0.0,0.03784052875493039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582372230869089,0.10488703642656713,0.0528981193335018,0.05502223584602952,0.034450577427312605,0.03793574604952423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037429957090749456,0.0,0.09668441595782223,0.1356442715124981,0.18977845730009235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810263435757184,0.07418783979489674,0.062291822957865964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384585934902735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039958875651384056,0.03793973212042643,0.0,0.0,0.15995905739670546,0.07334997472465107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030462223095921493,0.0,0.0283664373086239,0.10713651507538843,0.03610022637216894,0.05684918772710095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852046939841847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060446622746818994,0.05492144644414774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545899189950887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606998143341758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727844139369627,0.0573408376780007,0.031177395799841863,0.0,0.04079207236926265,0.04141594283708657,0.07109324449482952,0.04571214855427707,0.10513760309352307,0.05663643373051727,0.10399813176328082,0.0,0.033811253374973836,0.1363379195900648,0.03963099209622696,0.0242177777669557,0.0,0.034844679178773416,0.0,0.0429069532896964,0.06161533603834327,0.0,0.058863431214009186,0.10519627276050307,0.11325362761403532,0.05722509192241581,0.0,0.06414372872797798,0.03306670570407886,0.16093439177095153,0.0,0.0,0.03438487575324516,0.0,0.025968387711963404,0.0,0.03635106137481888,0.025339142545886567,0.0,0.0,0.06891146992687171
suicidewatch,godzmemer,2018/03/03,"I’m a sack of shit I absolutely hate myself, I’m fat and stupid, I always procrastinate, I constantly fail at everything I do, I always make conversations about me, I have no skills, I’m always tired, I’m always short on money, I drive my friends away, I embarrass everyone around me, I’m arrogant, I’m all already a failure at the age of 14, I can’t believe my life went down the shitter so soon.",1.1540740740740745,3.4874446543209885,3.944691358024688,82.81111111111113,83.93827160493828,7.550617283950618,25.049382716049386,8.515128840125781,2.0791827160493828,311,13,63,8,9,110,53,81,0.335,0.628,0.037000000000000005,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,3,1,4,0,3,4,2,1,1,4,12,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,14,1,9,11,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,35,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582711672458905,0.0,0.6811128863136698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217442859973929,0.0,0.0,0.19226753865123147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305610283788919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114489126434228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554383790961727,0.18391869294743585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810560819939182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204123294936568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445444283814608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659987061078435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100616824470212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352054385231435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897048322240822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cmtrwye,2018/03/03,Having a really bad night I’ve been suicidal for some time now but I’ve been able to push some of the thoughts away. Im really bad tonight. I really hate myself,0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,86.64705882352942,8.105882352941178,17.323529411764707,8.841846274778883,1.2741411764705877,128,3,28,4,4,44,25,34,0.388,0.612,0.0,-0.9503,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,4,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,15,2,0,0.2716240127453691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551997012900058,0.0,0.4535894097995824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26817247809300104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934005446796047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549007356462821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220278936851072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29711258358221165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156391254231755,0.15838614617427274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadBoiChoi,2018/03/03,"I’m not sure.. Sorry for the click-baity title.. I just wasn’t sure what would be appropriate. 

To be honest, I am not sure why I’m even writing this. I just hope getting some of this off of my shoulders will help. For the last two years, I have been struggling. I break down and cry almost every other night and I can barely find the motivation to get out of bed.  

I don’t want to die. That much is so clear to me. As true as that is, I don’t want to live either, and the turmoil inside my head as I get to reconcile these two facts is pushing me closer and closer to the edge. I almost did it, you know? 
Laying alone in my apartment. I put a gun to my head, and my finger touched that trigger.. I couldn’t do it. I was disgusted with myself. I cried for hours, thinking about what my actions would do to my mother and father. My friends. My poor roommate, who would have found the mess. It’s such a horrible and selfish thing for me to do, at least that’s what I told myself. I haven’t been the same since and they know it. I sit here tonight and think, is what I’m doing now more of a burden on them than the pain from my loss? When they see me I know they know. They worry. I’m probably stressing my poor mother out more being a shell of myself than if I had just pulled that trigger. 

I don’t know how much longer I can put this off. I can’t remember the light. I know it isn’t coming back. 


Sorry to waste your time. 



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suicidewatch,bigkez,2018/03/03,"Ive just lost all my money gambling, ive been fired from my job for a drug addiction and ive alienated everyone in my life, why should i not drag a knife across my neck? Ive been suicidal before but got over it due to my life being a lot more positive, but now ive got nothing left, i cant even afford a loaf of bread and ive run out of people to borrow money off, im done with this world ",3.5873863636363623,2.763496602272731,5.621727272727274,86.10509090909092,71.61363636363637,9.312727272727274,25.55454545454545,8.841846274778883,1.4490836363636357,303,7,74,5,5,107,60,88,0.081,0.838,0.081,0.2435,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,12,6,1,0,1,11,15,4,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,6,1,13,0,12,7,3,10,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,1,2,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250979454966311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959046917866392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23560031625990294,0.0,0.0,0.26698814507083024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520615759908385,0.0,0.0,0.21999004858514248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368264254354741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486827272524059,0.0,0.2284629907200596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501403578654253,0.0,0.3252297404231861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131800641368485,0.1957292355796812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090729252519056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159609168454168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518290062035081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774243744462675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ougtred,2018/03/03,Alternatives Whats the closest thing to suicide without removal of life?,8.5125,11.622831916666673,7.773333333333331,60.70500000000001,63.16666666666666,8.133333333333335,53.66666666666666,8.841846274778883,6.240566666666667,61,5,7,1,1,19,12,12,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033879133201605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6246954979808527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37941637347447577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505242426352704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoveMeNowAndForever,2018/03/03,"Hopeless I feel hopeless. I get ignored all day, get called annoying, am useless, and just am an overall loser. I don't serve a purpose in this world. ""Oh, but you're still young."" It doesn't help when you feel hopeless at thirteen either. Life just gets harder. I didn't intend to be a burden, but that's all I am to my friends. I'm probably not going to kill myself tonight, but sure wish that I would accidentally happen to die...",1.27186046511628,3.7312557209302364,2.857023255813953,89.8966976744186,84.81395348837209,4.8353488372093025,23.71627906976744,6.2581,0.6509432558139534,336,13,67,3,10,110,62,86,0.256,0.585,0.159,-0.6888,0,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,1,0,1,4,11,2,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,3,17,17,5,2,2,7,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,2,9,2,6,14,3,9,0,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269043639403427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699234979473437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27345176047837505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26644789933144714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035648271296573,0.0,0.4129739651394722,0.0,0.1497423684481901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232995446955457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766058125191224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915027746369797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610447732454552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840771655963377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104163290983996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24832779767365384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029902363038118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871693980409744,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BiscaConnell,2018/03/03,"I want to die! Hi Everyone,
All of my life I never felt happy and always wanted to die. The last time I was happy it was in elementary school. Im in college now. Nothing in life makes me happy, not hanging out with friends or family. I have thought of cutting myself and killing myself but my parents would notice. I have a good life and I should be happy but I just feel empty inside. I cant go outside because I dont have my driver license so I always stay home other than going to school. I do go to my friends house sometimes on their birthdays and holidays but that still does not make me happy. ",1.4459962168978568,3.7465335491803313,3.3519672131147544,87.74568095838589,82.36065573770493,5.06532156368222,23.319041614123588,6.297961479604792,0.6967306431273652,471,17,91,4,13,158,78,122,0.192,0.6970000000000001,0.111,-0.8286,1,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,2,0,2,0,11,3,0,2,2,24,21,9,3,4,7,1,2,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,0,4,5,2,0,0,4,2,20,8,13,14,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,65,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956865959080944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716810385046374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407721034355254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290274762823944,0.0,0.1378131929309837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236113355140677,0.0,0.0,0.11085225155268233,0.0,0.05945642830836913,0.0,0.11290368436104894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816976238988356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004852674771551,0.0986279029608786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6258772984604088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795114979950905,0.0,0.0,0.13568168258816382,0.0,0.0,0.12701607781099786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009458033170326,0.0,0.0,0.09585056295079504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249169331978458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569828685872218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906917284462252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282962096485935,0.13387562340037013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056844204868467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380122782471959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162983257915496,0.0,0.0,0.12533401064389535,0.09390656422767793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335236907537184,0.06856697245952299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871383677606822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353170675442725,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1Glitch0,2018/03/03,"I've never once met a kind person 38 years old, had family, friends, girlfriends, but never ever met someone who was nice. Or kind. Or cared. I'll take the blame. It's either my malfunction or everyone else on the planet. Either way here I am.",1.115624999999998,3.652699312500001,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,87.125,5.7,18.416666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.5705166666666663,189,5,36,3,6,63,39,48,0.157,0.6709999999999999,0.172,0.2018,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,1,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,5,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730396887801245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026260209210542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194075287143968,0.0,0.23177449071273715,0.0,0.0,0.228662023387548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873996501806377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5051735034857286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741512480000881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545237383170469,0.25831627253514056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117922231032704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055185416437858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237337193673955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925311897125784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619935030636134
suicidewatch,derPaan,2018/03/03,"I want to give up. My boyfriend continues to reassure me everything is temporary and it will all get better but what if I don't want to wait for it to get better. I've been struggling with suicidal ideations and depression for about 10 years, have been hospitalized twice before I was 18, been on so many meds I forget half the names. Marijuana does help and I used to use alcohol as a crutch until about a month ago. I went from working a full time job for 2 years that was about min wage and now I'm in a job that can't even give me over 25 hrs and pays min wage. I left the job because I was unhappy but it's been 8 months and I've been regretting the decision for 6 now. I need help but I just want to kill myself.",2.3799122807017525,3.6806999736842165,3.867105263157896,89.89807017543863,75.57894736842105,8.224561403508767,23.85087719298245,8.841846274778883,1.4028666666666658,564,17,131,12,12,187,94,152,0.192,0.6940000000000001,0.114,-0.9633,5,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,7,1,1,7,0,13,1,0,2,1,24,26,13,2,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,1,0,3,1,2,4,0,2,9,0,14,3,21,16,2,19,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,12,80,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379799252094282,0.16130749709474332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201079073449957,0.0,0.1284376609504139,0.0,0.0,0.2669859129392783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000322487073496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208741635927074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969354466491087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565391226414808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771841370777945,0.28958818411024273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234197034199813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.449349914096674,0.0,0.16699123584570394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399526821197755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530280848022582,0.0,0.0,0.1676587964415086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409555563137724,0.0,0.0,0.11191908507304167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779383325064394,0.0,0.1651023679998038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801353169378555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607250360793834,0.0,0.0,0.26708255224476063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992162653072707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988512371192327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439906402291496
suicidewatch,SL6Y,2018/03/03,I hate all of you and I'm tired of being a part of this Please be gone when I wake up.  Either all of you stop or I stop.  Either way something needs to go away.,-2.327027027027029,-0.5703831621621589,0.3716756756756752,105.57805405405406,96.83783783783785,2.9600000000000004,10.102702702702704,3.1291,-2.2036659459459456,121,1,33,0,5,41,27,37,0.271,0.665,0.065,-0.8113,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,9,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,4,5,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29067383190232754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582847188059478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054498944317077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294022477707357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350297024892812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396076641985907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23817677119436306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173130910700183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555881901822617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455724047489467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayNEWENGLANDE,2018/03/03,"I just need to tell someone. I am going to be ending my life soon; and I cannot bring myself to tell those close to me, but if nothing else then at least the people here will know.

I am sorry if my thoughts are jumbled and out of order, my mind is racing.

So about me (This is not in chronological order; I cannot think straight enough right now to sort it out.):

I am an eighteen year old, born in Massachusetts. I will not reveal the town for obvious reasons, but it is a small-ish mill town. My life has been so utterly terrible in so many ways.

From the get-go, my life started poorly. My father was an awful man. He was in the army and used that as an excuse to abuse me and my mother, feeling that he was in the right to do so. His logic being that he fought for the country and we didn't, so we did not have the right to question his actions.

Of course, that was not his only problem. He was a sexist who treated all women poorly (I have NINE siblings on his side of the family and every single one has a different mother), a racist (He threatened to disown one of my sisters for dating a black man), and all around terrible. 

When I was six years old, I walked in on him having sex with another woman. This was the start I think of my world unraveling. I did not cry at the time, but I think it was then that my illusion of the world being fair was broken. Even the abuse was something I could assume was normal.

Shortly after that, my mother found out, and my father was out of the picture. However, my stay at home mother was left to raise me and my older half-brother with Aspergers syndrome, who has a different dad and is the only sibling I keep in close contact with. We were plunged into poverty and we never really recovered from it. In fact, things got worse.

After a few years, the government kept cutting our financial support until we were forced to leave our (already terrible, mold-infested) apartment and move in with my Aunt. Her husband was abusive and after a while kicked her, and thus, us, out of that house, and finally we moved in with my grandmother.

I am now living in a cramped, decaying apartment in the downtown of a town legally classified as a slum. I put out job applications and nobody is hiring here. I would try college, but that would require getting a car to travel there, with money from jobs I cant get unless I go to college, putting it into an infinite loop. 

My aunts husband left her and she was forced to move in with us, with her kids, and now in total we have six people living in this apartment meant to accommodate only one person. 

In 2009, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. This was shocking news that has affected my life greatly, compounding other facets of my poor health, and only adding to my belief I am worthless.

My current situation is unbearable. As it stands I am an eighteen year old constantly on the cusp of homelessness, and as our country gets less and less hospitable to the poor I get closer and closer to living on the streets.

Through most of my life I have endured with the idea things would get better, but they never have, and I am convinced they never will. This world is cruel and I have no place in it.


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suicidewatch,TheAutumnWind89,2018/03/03,"Does anyone actually care? I'm struggling right now. I've been cutting myself for awhile, trying to figure out the right way to do it. 

I don't want to. But I do. I'm so lonely. My boyfriend doesn't seem to get and just leaves me by myself all the time. I lost my job back in June and I've lost my adhd meds and I've spiraled. I'm unable to fix what needs to be fixed and I've wanted to die for so long. 

I feel like I have reached to those who should be able to help me but no one's seems to care. I don't have health insurance and can't afford to go to a mental health place.

Does anyone care for me anymore? 

I feel so alone despite how I have reached put to people. 

The only reason I haven't ended it all is because of my 2 cats, but I don't know how much I can hold on.",-0.17924949290060965,1.4486640229885062,2.0327991886409755,98.71859026369171,84.0574712643678,4.553887762001351,16.55713319810683,5.0885558068054335,-0.9402680189317107,596,11,150,2,17,201,96,174,0.112,0.785,0.103,0.304,2,3,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,1,4,0,17,2,0,3,2,26,35,13,1,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,7,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,3,2,20,4,21,29,3,15,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,2,7,88,25,1,0.13349866352186648,0.0,0.13027543818361256,0.0,0.16043945083124306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382643543182758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323948020527105,0.1866907390660457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265223186759667,0.0,0.08137954619313326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083323540402016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855053601489892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365116015920664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824019137774865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500187092536647,0.09537147189431563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974754173603369,0.0,0.07587036695738485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838056732896004,0.0,0.0,0.08948134012765364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247682436374486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336737417995128,0.0,0.0,0.14135580898433933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522070371882352,0.0,0.0,0.11814211625890265,0.0,0.0,0.2914591224616141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828692005340025,0.0,0.13453525360928092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813687824166756,0.09898756744604063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046214937498437,0.10153174928855148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255116423672746,0.0,0.13947768963821894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342030294177574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725886027149092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228014258446738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430643388223077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139561788780471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784414426741396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063682944892533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574819411526032,0.10596502525235388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,klepto-empath,2018/03/03,"im killing myself in the way that wont hurt my mother the most ive struggled with eating disorders before, and since the peak of it i havent really been super sick with it. more in the recovery stage if you could say. so often im looking up pro ana inspo for everything. and i can just sit there for for hours looking at it all. im terribly suicidal. but im a huge fucking empath. and one of the strongest people i know in life is my mother amd ive put her thru literal hell and she has dealt with literal hell and honestly i just really love her and she is my best friend. and thinking about how her life would turn upside down if i killed myself abprubtly i know she wouldnt be able to talk or leave her bed. i am her oldest child and we have always had a special connection. but i cant keep living. i have no interest to. so jesus christ im going to sound like megan trainer when she said “she tried anorexia” but im going to become seriously anorexic to the point where i die from it. it will be a slow and painful death. but it is a way for me to die and i think it will hurt my mother less if she sees it more as an illness that killed me. rather than if i hung myself and her truly feeling a sense of closure. shell have time to know i am dying. so will my sisters and brother. ",1.2035265837104063,3.0961848786764747,3.1098529411764737,91.3996266968326,80.7279411764706,6.096380090497737,21.123303167420808,7.1686216300943375,0.5249412895927601,1005,29,221,13,26,337,149,272,0.21,0.64,0.149,-0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,1,0,2,12,20,6,1,12,0,25,8,0,1,1,42,41,27,8,8,12,5,1,1,1,6,5,3,1,1,10,16,1,1,6,0,0,3,5,12,0,1,3,7,39,8,28,29,6,21,4,2,3,2,25,9,3,7,6,152,49,0,0.0957167686481948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964401922576525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571165088734248,0.08144792024648698,0.0,0.10044884344093516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642205122123277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980166823838488,0.0,0.10969970938277268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794215004459246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602405980812647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839727419563344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739505380218847,0.08848861025579427,0.0,0.0,0.1087960908331364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426173644369172,0.0,0.20493356099837748,0.0,0.6203432113200941,0.0,0.0,0.08507746189437886,0.3176892686703673,0.0,0.15781029851788034,0.0,0.0,0.1013502375880808,0.0,0.0,0.13521516875472764,0.046762378320772936,0.0,0.0845196603288496,0.0,0.1607559575605908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638812073714756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486015960545967,0.0,0.10184939037564553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635795551553897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904832847663019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622178964033098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226372259279415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104856590390344,0.07611781621883024,0.0,0.0,0.07627387212079842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917790013558189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006394892964997,0.0,0.1046986094409315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693351295266289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226628809520784,0.0,0.0,0.05581321753262588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498540289841684,0.10411235852720788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195103140816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799444619942313,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnusualSoup,2018/03/03,I do not belong anywhere. I belong no where. No one keeps me around. I make friends and loose them very fast. I have to many problems for others to handle. Im so lonely. I just want to fit somewhere. The crying hurts.,-1.108964646464642,0.4639595681818207,0.5303030303030347,99.96823232323237,112.4090909090909,1.9555555555555557,13.979797979797981,3.1291,-1.479623232323232,167,4,35,0,9,53,35,44,0.349,0.518,0.133,-0.8928,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,5,5,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876787171982499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549733750163601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24967070789382584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459468221213317,0.0,0.3490655890869062,0.0,0.0,0.2872372629756049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571016222643224,0.32763101625817503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189799073268316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092181151145137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663880801237244,0.1906066853237012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway7211996,2018/03/03,"Tired of living Throw away for obvious reasons. I’m sick and tired of doing kind things for people and not getting kind things done for me in return. My ex broke up with me and stopped talking to me, and I have no friends to turn to. 

My (now ex) boyfriend suddenly stopped contacting me around October and it went on for two months. He blamed it on depression but I’m sure it’s more that he just didn’t want to be with me anymore and needed an excuse. It was a few days before Christmas and he got me nothing while I gave him gifts. My family also gave him free furniture when he bought his own place and let him borrow our wet vac so he could clean his carpet. So when he broke up with me I felt horrible and taken advantage of. He told me I could text him and be friends, but whenever I tried he just ignored me, which made me feel worse. Now I have no one to talk to. Every day I’m alone with my thoughts, and I’m sick and tired of being in my own head. 

I recently bought scalpel blades on Amazon, which are made specifically to cut skin. I plan on slitting my wrists and bleeding out, as well as taking an overdose of pills. The pain ends soon. ",3.9119627659574485,4.6532799063829815,4.448763297872343,89.32718750000002,71.21276595744679,7.917553191489361,26.602393617021278,8.07648339933343,1.3590478723404251,898,28,198,12,16,285,135,235,0.194,0.6890000000000001,0.117,-0.9641,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,12,14,1,0,4,0,13,11,3,3,2,39,35,23,0,4,5,2,4,0,2,0,8,0,2,0,9,19,0,3,4,0,4,2,4,6,1,2,15,4,31,9,33,14,4,29,0,3,0,0,26,12,0,0,15,126,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972259570452271,0.0,0.10016343690102862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421565532739727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150023134631376,0.0,0.0,0.11767773998128138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657964977269377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000059775478716,0.0,0.0,0.16155348173216816,0.0,0.10787878005184924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817558867178125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109354946743034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552964077721123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807579924009196,0.0,0.0633308317525287,0.0,0.12026091108980587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935377212585044,0.0,0.06543864615445487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017492407909588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285439913147003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608599552095235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280779627173575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059921198103727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370316585342716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999744102028654,0.0,0.0,0.09287226816260907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018202144546368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487353727425688,0.0,0.133276237415858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868334960189875,0.0,0.13086097303929614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287792195295317,0.1236705699808019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943142704468226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804788863719162,0.0,0.09417340637734303,0.2013445362745521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664228256244047,0.0,0.0,0.09943555890961832,0.0,0.4318739080586727,0.0,0.11968300563836436,0.0,0.08503742588257683,0.13623747144504345,0.12235234180363815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387647482834367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126159805004936,0.11610923027497325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276417975736814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,destielbucky,2018/03/03,"I dunno what to do anymore So, I’ve had depression for nearly a decade, and I’ve always had bouts of suicidal ideation. Shit, I’ve posted in here a few times when I’ve been pushed to the edge. But for almost a year I’ve been living at home, working a retail job where the managers stress me out and treat me like garbage, and don’t pay enough for me to live on my own, and I’ve reached my breaking point. I have a partner who lives a few hours away, and it’s hard to see her because I can’t get weekends off to go and visit without using attendance points. 

I’ve just hit a huge bump with managers because I’ve earned PTO, but I can’t seem to ever be able to use it because of weekend sales and the fact that I just don’t know my schedule 5 weeks out. I got sick, and had to call out and they still won’t give me PTO, and my manager in particular has been really mean about it. I have to go back to work tomorrow, but the stress has just pushed me to my breaking point. I want to die because I have a degree and all it’s led to is me stuck at home, isolated from my friends (who’re also a few hours away) and my partner, working a job that’s killing me. 

But beyond all that, I feel like my depression is eventually going to be too much for those I care about. I’ve had friends tell me they’re worried, my mom told me that she’s scared she’ll come and find me dead, and I know my partner has been worried too. But it’s too naive for me to assume that I’ll suddenly snap back and be better and I’ll never feel suicidal again. I’ve had this illness for 10 years, and it’s made me nothing but a burden that’s going to nothing but continuously put an emotional strain on people who don’t deserve this.

So, as per every other time I’ve felt this suicidal, I’m giving myself 24-48 hours. I know how I’d do it, it would just be a simple after work trip to Walmart to get what I need. I think I’ve put up a good fight over the past decade, I just don’t think I can make it much longer. ",4.854558106460789,3.8069124789719666,5.810849248273063,86.5457720438846,69.07009345794393,8.84534741974807,29.1227143437627,7.7425588080867325,1.5124486793986185,1543,45,362,15,23,513,196,428,0.183,0.7290000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9933,2,0,0,0,1,1,39.0,0,0,1,6,25,18,3,4,19,0,33,3,1,6,5,63,65,30,6,3,13,1,4,2,5,3,2,0,2,3,24,22,0,0,12,2,3,13,9,10,0,0,14,5,44,8,49,43,9,60,0,2,1,0,19,21,1,4,25,222,68,11,0.08325756515650125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337042497386637,0.0,0.0,0.06658104477552426,0.06927696383469427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256913266011938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644644627196766,0.12803985684511088,0.0,0.2030121558024888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736345505266585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501528277862161,0.0,0.0848866365028968,0.0,0.0,0.0717190202536903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341923774157844,0.0,0.0864082079581207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365355463915834,0.0,0.08602732095670558,0.0,0.0,0.0753112342696163,0.07014808951369297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419505310611011,0.05947922118345263,0.07994031907998038,0.0,0.07609590621507355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864917662118566,0.0,0.08699728292998908,0.1597364860193106,0.1892687717991265,0.06983249552484952,0.06658868057897614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458242492782224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670282525177943,0.0,0.2459757921593907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524057312954665,0.0,0.09211216021113622,0.0,0.13726854130973773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135088166681735,0.0,0.22055386614748396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878032123478905,0.05557507124755333,0.0,0.0,0.09069189624702052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751025405703467,0.0,0.0,0.12240778025651106,0.06173442961076817,0.06421336691477672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597757584732251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947876673174505,0.05772031257441949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361159308885649,0.0,0.07973773290322353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739369775216714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053336928171053136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335534712133255,0.0,0.06634550003643261,0.07579456038301634,0.0,0.0,0.08546269418978837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648959908216319,0.0,0.19074251917764545,0.0,0.0,0.2732107890947225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277078167251291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066961719182988,0.0,0.0,0.097096311564718,0.0,0.0,0.07955617143160776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438156090813569,0.0,0.0,0.049107469058435715,0.0,0.06678419674963243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025732175772611,0.0,0.2424499961069925,0.16910419766962764,0.0,0.059143785510935715,0.0,0.0,0.1072302845085767
suicidewatch,mrwbrightside,2018/03/03,"I have no option but kill myself I've backed myself into a corner and I've got no ideas left anymore. All I do now is sit around and waste time and delay my inevitable death. There is no way out of this situation other than by dying, I've ran out of escape routes I guess. I just need to build up the strength and confidence to take my own life and I won't have to worry about anything anymore.",3.1349799196787167,4.092087337349401,4.3062048192771085,88.82790160642574,73.21686746987952,6.497188755020081,22.26706827309237,6.42735559955562,0.3584152610441764,311,7,67,2,6,102,59,83,0.253,0.599,0.14800000000000002,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,17,11,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,13,8,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,4,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743666918083065,0.0,0.0,0.1968090408418995,0.21290390386060185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389996768296127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482112530048141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912788175222384,0.0,0.2634626918724217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269983542552124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645960984871646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25984901494674284,0.0,0.16892641475674275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733477512521642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688268692777495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981923100512107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945664263344734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983478843954235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428795005926711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lizzytheone,2018/03/03,idk I dont know what to o with my life Iam happy  for couple of mins and then the darkness hits showing me my weakness. ,-1.3326923076923087,0.6790815000000023,1.0142307692307675,99.36826923076923,99.3846153846154,2.6,18.03846153846154,3.1291,-0.9328153846153846,93,3,21,0,4,31,25,26,0.215,0.657,0.128,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197554237843438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505286551841081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000441250994417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581553532097114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317893696769648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,themistermatt,2018/03/03,"There's no point because no one cares I simply can't see much of a point in continuing to exist. 

Every day is exactly the same - wake up, gym, go to work, come home, deal with crushing loneliness until bedtime.

I have a couple people I could call friends but I don't truly believe they give more than a passing shit. I've never been the person who people contact to chat to, i'm always the one initiating, and sometimes I don't even get a reply - i'm sure it isn't malicious, but it does hurt when I know my friends are messaging other people and I don't get a reply.

The only two people I believe really care are my parents. Once they go, I swear i'm fucking done. 

I worry so much about losing touch with friends and being left completely alone and i'm sure it's going to happen. Every time I've got close to someone we drift apart - I feel like it's going to happen again soon and i'm going to lose the closest mate i've had in years due to simply drifting apart. 

I can't take the loneliness. I just can't handle it at all. I don't feel like i'm living for anything at all. I've achieved a good paying job and a mortgage and for what? Somewhere warm to feel isolated and cripplingly alone in. Nice. 

Everyone else has so much going on in their lives and so many friends and I just feel always left out and put on the sidelines. 

Some of the closest friends i've had in my life are now just pictures and names on a Facebook profile. And I hate it. It's happening again now and I've just given up. Perhaps I wasn't ever supposed to have friends. 

I'm just so, so lonely and tired of going through the motions every day. 

",2.4501428571428576,4.069663113432835,4.010996801705758,87.61542910447764,76.07462686567165,6.337953091684433,25.098614072494673,7.021680442328713,1.0321748400852877,1273,44,261,13,28,424,165,335,0.16399999999999998,0.693,0.14300000000000002,-0.7675,3,5,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,0,3,4,20,22,3,0,17,0,22,5,2,0,7,44,56,24,0,1,7,1,6,2,7,0,2,0,1,1,10,21,0,0,5,2,1,13,12,7,0,3,7,7,24,15,35,47,8,50,0,4,1,1,21,22,2,1,17,158,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136861152885882,0.0,0.0,0.137677542683057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068080516291083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050432014479535686,0.0,0.0,0.18641888276397053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844775418521161,0.0,0.16869941858646836,0.0,0.0,0.07126538120034842,0.08674181886650191,0.0,0.0,0.0660539254624549,0.09154021396802517,0.0,0.10670922710780016,0.0852919686967005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239840502639533,0.08466247743226228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911108639896678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464300706386455,0.07483487364869272,0.2091131608596785,0.07905296062130836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167325000636265,0.11820600326509567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835063242884162,0.07648342294806793,0.08644700540344068,0.07936305827591494,0.32912530688205843,0.06939078916787007,0.06616749208651933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947609687235076,0.0,0.0,0.08167967757495496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298588048751393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856518469881969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209769453198339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045466762227792126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977482151863985,0.0,0.05843531111499761,0.08083631890763128,0.0,0.14610587531371366,0.0,0.0,0.18510952511529424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387619024807931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824502849664879,0.0,0.06380720281944924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810575338885387,0.11212125504612573,0.06292060953621875,0.0,0.0,0.09186292075754003,0.0,0.0,0.2294208740760153,0.07223746764104998,0.0,0.0,0.15641496275072042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316744734274499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299956001518468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659258497160077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492212328473188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700976588474155,0.0,0.08182301725282262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594586787137174,0.0,0.06220337253575939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824107769689854,0.09508704783672016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081610924573414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060229111236704186,0.08401728765170205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327601433130513
suicidewatch,pinkpebble4,2018/03/03,"Please read my story, I'm ending my life tonight and I just wanted somebody to know why. I don't want to reveal this to my family. I'm a 16 year old female living in New Zealand. I have Aspergers Syndrome (high functioning autism) and maybe something else, but I'm too young to really tell. I think I may have Borderline Personality Disorder or something relative. I can't pinpoint a time when things in that aspect got bad, but growing up I was starting to show signs. I self harmed at 7 years old by scraping my arms against my mailbox everyday after I got home from school. I'd sometimes bleed, but most times I would just get white marks on my arms as it wasn't really that sharp. When I was 11 I tried self harming with blades and for 3 years I cut my arms on and off, just when I was sad or angry as a coping mechanism. I was 13 during my first official suicide attempt but my thoughts stem far back since I started school. Before that I didn't understand the concept of dying but I remember as early as 3 wishing that I would fall asleep and to never wake up again. I would have a journal I would write in between the ages of 6-9 and all of the drawings in there are of me beginning my mother not to leave me, drawings of me with teary faces and my own grave. I remember when mum would get angry she would threaten to ""leave me at school and never pick me up"" which to me was a serious threat and I didn't know if she really would or not. I remember waiting every single day after school anxious, thinking she wouldn't. If my mother was 10 minutes late I would cry because I really thought I would be all alone. I was so attached and confused. I don't know why, but mum would explode at me and threaten to kill herself if I didn't do something. I remember this one time when I was 9, I was in the car and she screamed saying that I make her want to kill and cut herself. I can never tell the emotional states of other people until they become extreme, and I never can myself either. 

I guess this made me grow up being scared of being alone. I frequently cut off friends and people because I have a feeling they'll leave me. Making friends is hard for me, I did make one friend, but during lunch she saw me and sat with somebody else. I immediately blocked her on snapchat and instagram and have been avoiding her since. 

I had a boyfriend, but our relationship was ruined. I became so paranoid he would leave me, so I broke up and got back together with him a total of 19 times. It would be the most simple thing, like being online and not responding within 10 minutes, I would have the most extreme rage. I would spam him and call him until he would pick up, I would freak out so badly because I thought he was leaving. I would accuse him of cheating and ignoring me. I just couldn't control myself in that situation and I'm ashamed for all that I did. I would love him one moment and then hate him the next. It's never been any inbetween. I'm usually a loving person, but even just turning his Skype to neutral would cause me to call him 200 times and spam message him begging not to leave me. I would monitor his Instagram likes, and in the same hour I would say every reason we should be together.. then in a one minute period write a paragraph saying we're breaking up. Our relationship lasted a year and a half and we were long distance. We met here on Reddit. I would experience the worst anger and sometimes even threaten to murder him and his family. I made an elaborate plan to kidnap him so we could be together and he wouldn't be able to leave me, but I realise I can't do that.

I have bad binge eating problems. I binge eat 3-4x a week, but it used to be twice a day for about two months recently. I feel so fat at the moment, my BMI is about 29. I used to have restricting habits, I lost 15kg through starving but then my binge eating developed. I feel so trapped and I don't want to become obese. I need to end my life before this happens. 

I have the worst episodes of extreme rage, sadness, guiltiness etc. Last night I cried so hard for two hours, not being able to breathe and I felt so alone. I don't feel like I have any identity at all, which is probably to do with my ASD. I miss my ex boyfriend so much, but because of all of the things I did he will never come back again. I was good towards him, I really was, it was just the episodes I would have.

I sometimes feel like a creepy 50 year old man. It's a really odd comment to make, I know, but I'm not welcome in in my family. I don't know who I am or what I stand for. I don't know anything in life anymore. I feel disgusting and worthless. I just feel so alienated and far from what I really probably am.

I think the worst thing is when I would threaten suicide to my ex boyfriend. I faked being in hospital. I just needed it. I needed him to stay because I know our relationship was going to end and I didn't want him to leave me. 

I almost went blind and it caused suicidal thoughts to get worse around the age of 7, when they fully developed into plans. I would google methods since my parents would allow me to have internet and a computer because they wanted me to develop better typing and English skills. I played video games for a few years and used that to cope.

I've suffered so many years of bullying. I was sexually abused growing up but I can't find it in myself to get help. I feel like everything would be better if I just died. I've tried to see mental health professionals but the last one I saw said my suicidal thoughts are just coping mechanisms. I can't see myself for the person I am anymore. I just see somebody so disgusting and worthy of death. I don't know. I'm going to do it tonight. I'm going to try and enjoy the rest of my day and then go out. It would be nice to spend some time with my family. ",3.5563797982163408,4.754805334465196,4.636020724781922,85.94124221844935,72.48047538200339,7.72509025623012,27.03768319575357,8.179662686302969,1.6388585250668382,4556,159,943,68,87,1492,426,1178,0.239,0.69,0.071,-0.9997,1,7,4,0,1,4,112.0,7,0,4,9,44,58,14,4,39,0,115,22,8,16,12,221,201,97,11,48,42,7,12,5,3,34,9,5,2,6,34,58,6,6,33,5,1,11,31,41,0,10,46,24,187,17,121,106,21,133,0,9,7,2,81,41,0,16,82,650,221,8,0.06273807452806518,0.03716717965494548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031411559571883935,0.09746658659665867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042664042059330214,0.0,0.0,0.035438083266890345,0.062219311708321866,0.0,0.0,0.0258140448531036,0.027925093787095904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236256008278275,0.07857550748971602,0.11473364375566153,0.06928927423606647,0.05338548054585189,0.0,0.0,0.055486728564525516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640625886304004,0.0,0.0,0.06444928453832288,0.0,0.027021647998581238,0.0,0.0,0.03518304265499148,0.025045623733536585,0.0,0.06891482891605527,0.06069130181878985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651122162955761,0.0,0.03595163439051848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629506922953054,0.05240961089430853,0.03528594476505018,0.08335096857716658,0.0,0.03498476857991306,0.041437906528914124,0.0,0.052859533660861616,0.0,0.028192468005713237,0.0306849376905485,0.11828774623882912,0.0,0.12688902219843676,0.06723013946776467,0.03011919509542307,0.0,0.0286707317612996,0.02668248707190601,0.0,0.0,0.0727069211277906,0.0,0.06555610904476025,0.0,0.07131098710758861,0.0263108601631781,0.07526605414840999,0.0,0.034556531122863964,0.0,0.027739536054747542,0.0,0.05620099176345132,0.03097042994638821,0.0,0.033343819729352984,0.0,0.0,0.021026004447154464,0.03314311014910693,0.031465702050787164,0.0,0.061784365787412136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694103840462369,0.0,0.13791682007292275,0.07670985641945366,0.03538564037291796,0.2657222490495367,0.0,0.0,0.06647063613669382,0.0766266354796538,0.0,0.02769943461154508,0.027760610852633448,0.0,0.0,0.034243009750966766,0.0,0.05662356171954697,0.059364283061635624,0.08375630383323245,0.0318032802206431,0.031514414216900065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03161261148583972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0250384662660784,0.0,0.02305985175675157,0.06977923096695675,0.1451624122669654,0.030296411662446336,0.03336132700426739,0.02943771647543288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987495833056788,0.0,0.10628235743586913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03483160360643202,0.0,0.0,0.0434946814174805,0.08217070013634382,0.0,0.03443378297081242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764225550636269,0.03001593218065957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03137752617101689,0.0,0.1406706596501163,0.03225259481320418,0.03097313990937899,0.10103581946128387,0.14214001676717736,0.0,0.029839137875348025,0.0748377524799664,0.031405878674092766,0.12698856169669132,0.07499118400946479,0.0,0.06544949439841162,0.0,0.0,0.07784637535048344,0.0352601121959122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244825231505696,0.09307433987500242,0.0,0.04440633206206199,0.03343521994024185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372505414643212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483584243009986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336077796001187,0.06030003735774739,0.0,0.1245175581608868,0.10974922735063633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063892551553778,0.034120504697458774,0.061285982615144924,0.03265627408037488,0.0,0.0812783293375657,0.03454856276212856,0.0,0.11101362553234187,0.0,0.02516234954204779,0.0,0.0,0.029079411816694288,0.05661135397832439,0.0,0.036072844744441966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03196772890387733,0.6239425934201895,0.0,0.0,0.14140442066625766
suicidewatch,noxioust,2018/03/03,"I feel like giving up My life’s worthless. I’m 18, no goals in life, ambitions, interest nor pleasure. Can’t get onto college bc pf my crazy anxiety, can’t keep a relationship w/ anyone, I feel like I have no sense of value and I’m pretty sure i have a bunch of mental issues undiscovered but so harmful for me. I’m actually on anti-depressant since 2 months but I feel like they ain’t doing shit my case is just getting worse, i’m hurting myself even more and my surroundings as well. I can’t live with all that fucking pressure on me I fee like there’s no hope for me and I should just leave everything behind me so that my soul could be in peace. It is physically painful and in my mind it is just hell. I don’t even know why the fuck am I posting this so you can just skip to the next post idc",0.5196169417626919,2.7222025562130163,2.681314232326379,91.68139831828094,85.56804733727809,5.92475864216755,20.729056368732483,7.273561745256523,0.6025550295857989,628,20,139,10,19,212,108,169,0.234,0.608,0.158,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,1,11,18,4,1,4,0,16,6,1,0,2,22,31,11,0,3,6,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,9,9,1,0,0,3,23,9,15,28,3,12,2,2,0,2,4,8,4,1,6,87,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.14327223982545906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231462386514517,0.0,0.0,0.1026578790046522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722144951818728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645329029633345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394252345228286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194967712861078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270530075873293,0.31465834045764657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714599515264572,0.15341167400653186,0.14084027049364362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582243516082632,0.0,0.0,0.15717066403786425,0.0,0.0,0.1532388320169497,0.0,0.1304977195092168,0.0,0.0,0.08068679848966663,0.0,0.0,0.1554580329791867,0.0,0.0,0.20740241625275496,0.2869095336795089,0.0,0.12964212472983086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795703156968915,0.0,0.1482433445273857,0.0,0.11718795030414275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614157390913816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622366818989306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812202559478433,0.14936569822076812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576265423521316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507055684867167,0.12144856197108325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383733105206926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320061393667107,0.0,0.13247953101763965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961909353046934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacctASS,2018/03/03,"I will kill myself before I fail high school. A little bit about me: I am an 18 year old male living in New Mexico. I have 1 friend but it's difficult for me to make friends, as I get anxious when talking to other people, so I only hang around others when I'm with him. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for the duration of my high school career, and have been hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Depressive episodes would usually hit me the hardest during the second semester, negativity affecting my grades. 

 At the beginning of the semester, I had to retake 3 classes I failed; the humiliation of having to go back to see the same teachers I saw as a sophmore, and the pressure of seeing everyone around me getting jobs and preparing for the future, was too much for me to bear. I could not even leave bed in the morning, so I missed 2 weeks of school. During those two weeks I did nothing but sulk in bed and eat. My mother and I had to have a meeting with the principal and school counselor over my truancy; I explained to them that I was going through a depressive episode, and my counselor helped me out by moving two of my classes online. I came back to school the following Monday with a burst of energy that lasted maybe 2 weeks before the reality of my situation set in. 

The end of the grading period is nearing and all the make-up work I've turned in has not done much to help my grades. My algebra 2 teacher always offers to help, but I rarely seek help as I'm afraid of wasting her time when she could be helping someone who has a basic understanding of what's going on and is more likely to succeed. All of my teachers will generally work with you as long as you show up and turn something in, however recently I realized that just turning something in isn't enough. 

I've lost all hope of being able to go to college; my grades are poor, the work is too rigorous for me to handle, and I don't think I'm intelligent or articulate enough to make it through. I doubt my ability to get through community college for the same reasons. Trade school seems promising but you need to graduate high school for that. 

Nothing is enjoyable anymore. I lost interest in video games a while ago, I can't be fucked to watch more than 5 minutes of a series anymore, weed isn't as psychedelic as it used to be, I don't have the attention span to read, and I lost interest in learning how to draw a month ago. Even masturbating is a chore. 

I am a lazy, dull wastoid. High school is this basic thing that every functional adult gets through. If I fail high school, I can't ever hope to live a comfortable life. I'll end up living with my mom until I'm 25, working and Walmart and disappointing everyone in my family until I finally kill myself. At this point I feel suicide is the most common sense option. They say that suicide is selfish; if I died, my mom wouldn't have to pay for my living expenses or deal with me anymore. It's a net positive. 


I'm sorry if this is structured badly, I just vomited out everything on my mind.",6.936438025210084,6.413932300840338,7.566772584033615,73.93007484243698,64.64705882352942,11.000525210084037,35.56853991596638,10.481140341803084,3.6530346638655455,2409,101,456,53,32,802,285,595,0.18600000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.11,-0.9956,2,0,2,0,1,4,55.0,0,3,2,11,18,33,3,4,34,0,45,4,0,6,4,72,84,40,6,10,13,3,1,1,2,4,2,1,3,2,19,27,1,0,9,4,4,8,10,22,0,3,13,6,67,11,92,60,13,70,0,12,4,1,28,30,1,11,32,315,86,32,0.056518616507516335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002006867914605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470280165462228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323658692999377,0.06384994926890296,0.1681538417104836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062710266846146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691865481657113,0.04719068399958748,0.0,0.0,0.09618635971018627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170369103287046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464224055336172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025103263914012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826821189512655,0.14603820474115134,0.0,0.05865740079603321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783816753171352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783265457526856,0.0,0.0,0.1001174372230282,0.11679767846156862,0.0,0.0746600263268944,0.05112432438290917,0.04761937203552434,0.10801192025006412,0.050795288175525394,0.0,0.05328072161523004,0.0,0.028577510700615483,0.0,0.0,0.061913381775834574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873322858264341,0.0522505502323457,0.11811457762122662,0.0,0.12848332893300027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941618641841745,0.29857510713781804,0.0,0.1122714776972342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056086005918116834,0.0,0.12505895047173599,0.0,0.0,0.046070215892884285,0.0,0.05984505423746812,0.0,0.0,0.03992077029332356,0.02761214115998061,0.05664650171384322,0.19962789538076967,0.05001719707201136,0.0,0.0,0.1850902391317988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317984617905055,0.0,0.05678054690018314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057067691026123024,0.1323878411346909,0.04511262047724536,0.06007034485852709,0.08309537249677608,0.04190783799553397,0.0,0.054586032012750633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846227370895704,0.0,0.05930678057000314,0.0,0.0,0.04298495468036657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03918289232882821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053428361030901365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653391124781632,0.0,0.0,0.05811055093201356,0.05580531534447227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494587233793762,0.0,0.5147987156148022,0.09007603973308703,0.051452425777659024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352929299165154,0.0,0.0,0.04788804035697567,0.08702158447451831,0.0,0.06326796393287794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908552948093329,0.0,0.18546657934969385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542752306159889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03754845742980623,0.03621484733630526,0.0,0.0,0.032956459796206906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442807509266934,0.1104209517033296,0.0588378730203907,0.0,0.048813938061875874,0.06224727119303329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600747503580773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458490380378282,0.0,0.0,0.04014920356861236,0.0,0.0,0.03639613599520977
suicidewatch,namalsk_survivor,2018/03/03,"Thinking and dreaming about death, knowing I won't die any time soon When I was suicidal as a kid I thought a ton about how others would react when they heard about my death. I was tested and the result was that 97.4% of all tested kids were happier than I was. I was in therapy and was doing pretty okay for a long time.

I'm in boarding school now (own wish) and I fell in love twice this year. First girl was on the verge of killing herself, I was in love with her and when I heard about how she felt I wanted to help her, as a sort of ""thank you"", after I cried all night because of fear for her after she had a panic attack and needing medical attention, she searched through her stuff in boarding school when I was in her room, drinking booze she herself said tasted awful infront of me and after gaining enough confidence disappearing with someone else and spending the whole evening with him and that booze. It's no secret what happened that night. Now she doesn't even greet me and I am sorta required to act as if I never knew her anyways. The second girl I met at the dancing course I go to in my hometown. I was only there because my parents didn't remember when a old friend of mine went dancing so I was in the wrong class. This was the first time in the course (20+ weeks) the girls chose their partners, and this pretty girl that's exactly my type walked up to me and we danced for the rest of the class. She added me on Instagram and we chatted every day for the rest of the weekend. Until I was in the train, driving back to boarding school, where I only received half of her messages and the chat ended with her being really frustrated. The next day when I wrote her she said she was learning. I wrote her that when she doesn't have time she can tell me, no problem, that I don't want to force her to have a chat with me when she has no time. She said it was okay. So the next day, on Tuesday, I asked her when she comes home from school she read it but didn't answer. 5 hours later I wrote ""no it's okay"" under quotation marks, clearly frustrated because she ignored me. She hasn't answered since, but yesterday I wrote that I'm sorry how the week after the dancing lesson developed, telling her how good she looked that day and how I miss her smile and asked if we'd still meet next week at the next dancing lesson. She read it but hasn't answered for more than 24 hours. On Instagram I saw that she spent today with her friends at an Asian restaurant, having fun and laughing a lot, while I'm at my phone, having forgotten what I was even waiting for. An answer? I don't know anymore. I felt empty the whole day, having spent most of my power to write that message and sending it. I started thinking about death again this week, possibly Thursday. My roommate wasn't here so I was pretty lonely because I neither wanted to go out, nor chat with anyone, fearing my internet would be used up before she answered me. I didn't sleep much this week and since Thursday I think about getting hit by trucks, getting shot, stabbed, being caught up in a terrorist attack, with other people getting hit by a truck and me helplessly trying to protect my girl and later giving first aid to the victims, fighting for their lives, then, in a different dream seeing the girl I love dying in front of me, or asking myself if that girl in class which is really salty since she knows I'm in love would miss me when the class would be told I'd never come to school again. I could possibly continue writing about all these thoughts and dreams, in which I or my girl die, indefinitely. I don't understand why this is happening. I don't do my favorite sport for months now, neither do I play the instrument I love so dearly since childhood days. I feel empty most of the time, except the days I was in love (Friday till Thursday) with who I believe is the right one. I am the son of a single mum and she already told me when I was a child that she couldn't go on if I'd no longer be, so suicide is a no-no (I think), but I still dream about dying. Do I want to die? I don't know! I definitely don't want to continue being ignored by people I could die for, neither do I want them to not answer or writing me without ever telling me why. I've talked about the girls with the lesbian sister of my roommate and how upset and unmotivated I am, but I haven't told her about all these thoughts and dreams. She is really caring. Should I talk to her or should I talk to my ex-therapist (I think I'd only waste his time with me ""teenage love bullshit"")? 

*tl:dr:* I was suicidal as a child and battled depression. I lived some normal years since then but after two separate girls I fell in love with so strongly I would risk my life to save them ignore me and don't answer me without ever telling my why, I feel empty and only think about dying and suicide again. I don't really do anything anymore, but I know my mother would kill herself if I commited suicide, which would mean the end of my family which is documented back to the 1200s. Should I talk with a friend I know would listen, care and try to help me, or should I talk with my ex-therapist? ",5.754407437242103,5.534975648884579,5.966500846635653,83.40984727679232,67.0019398642095,8.658113728649164,30.47166647487218,8.006104516180752,1.9260411021059023,4038,134,824,43,59,1288,374,1031,0.156,0.711,0.133,-0.9611,3,2,1,0,2,4,111.0,3,1,5,9,54,48,9,5,51,4,84,16,1,9,11,171,171,81,17,30,21,5,4,0,4,13,2,6,2,15,36,50,4,6,35,20,3,21,33,24,0,8,50,14,164,24,122,96,21,143,0,5,3,9,131,36,0,17,86,588,200,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461216643460402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02842193618337455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289853569374506,0.02922393601600122,0.0,0.03439360642057256,0.0,0.11721764910562076,0.09509536780282976,0.0,0.06427533087084923,0.0,0.1019110283823128,0.0,0.03556434524143178,0.04708849192427935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522528503507207,0.0,0.0,0.07200513762078767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667395853808197,0.0,0.04590968822917591,0.188679577577536,0.0,0.03599784936590601,0.0,0.30363524337806225,0.04366673031601195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094304870386651,0.0,0.0,0.034914240290736163,0.0,0.07403567642679118,0.04318526007971034,0.0,0.08281532724674469,0.07561168249082535,0.03521396988833583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039400471832930495,0.09406166829084224,0.0422654713104718,0.0,0.0802592346694458,0.0,0.0,0.10665205285286576,0.0,0.0,0.0968718092631729,0.0,0.0655082637895434,0.04009343552866529,0.07125894173107614,0.03505554337526732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391810859440441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602842372575285,0.0,0.04192364963492587,0.0,0.08231903105186776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247963439949013,0.0,0.1378161633141365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02952094374490188,0.0,0.0,0.07381124945921262,0.036987133519501766,0.03509715384382943,0.0,0.0,0.03553249309403245,0.3017719240817005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045526852202229406,0.0,0.042103921706492034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033360256365508975,0.0,0.030724029107089244,0.03099035712102792,0.0644695410706579,0.0,0.17779721964259915,0.07844328466445001,0.0409500862837841,0.0,0.0,0.043856672104122925,0.0,0.028321276978492637,0.1271474893567854,0.0,0.04903725985830471,0.046408242964410366,0.0,0.0,0.05795058320281644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942348436680292,0.0,0.12756118624634535,0.0,0.03999203393512677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361233520111598,0.0,0.10709942326712517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473454259214642,0.035692579786863965,0.11926944070803358,0.0,0.0,0.21149313463681604,0.033305090084505815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728656893504226,0.0,0.0418250410647134,0.0,0.03541264697661157,0.0,0.0,0.04678592097280583,0.029582615127055286,0.0,0.06675485408650453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784511229779189,0.2285839516335422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796561575816787,0.14612218991744996,0.038479089302794915,0.047796061801752485,0.09705410137048252,0.0,0.16068274180431966,0.0,0.09954134454030904,0.17059642185470525,0.0,0.039616637793638367,0.11981033174155367,0.0,0.05675192926568369,0.0,0.04082750256998028,0.043509920443472135,0.0,0.03609733752388952,0.0,0.0,0.14791013828354518,0.0,0.16762656757025368,0.0,0.0,0.038744251459099946,0.11314007386750803,0.09332493123162892,0.04806202327728547,0.08057750200433826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237518939888761,0.04569611541126938,0.0,0.053829035629910135
suicidewatch,Nightsswiftdragons,2018/03/03,"Ex-Fiancee lied for months to me and my family about wanting to be with me, broke it off a month ago, I'm having trouble coping I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. I was on the wrong psych meds and was acting erratic for months and finally he snapped and left me. No amount of apologizing would get him to accept me back as anything more  than as a friend so I gave him back every gift he ever gave me. 

He told me the morning he broke up with me that he couldn't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. 

I've been in inpatient already once since the breakup to get me off of the meds safely. I'm still having some withdrawal symptoms. The pain of the breakup gets worse every day and I know I wasn't perfect but god, why did he tell me I was? On my good days I've made plans to move away and I'm hopefully signing a lease to a shared housing situation a few hours away from here in a huge city where I can make a fresh start. 

But I can't help but feel that I'm just going to end up in the same situation again and someone is going to play me and I don't have any trust left in anyone, much less myself. He's not the first partner to leave unexpectedly. I just wanted him to be my life partner and he played me. 

It's been a month and the emotional pain just keeps getting worse. I'm in counseling. I have a psychiatrist. I'm doing all the right things. 

It just never feels like it's enough. ",2.5185419411506373,3.7445435185185225,3.8683091787439636,90.32826086956524,75.0942760942761,7.050739276826234,23.014053579270968,7.586124646067393,0.7427477382520862,1103,30,251,14,23,363,157,297,0.13,0.745,0.126,0.21600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,3,14,19,0,0,20,0,20,6,0,2,5,42,48,16,0,5,8,0,2,1,3,1,4,0,0,2,7,12,0,3,4,2,1,4,7,6,0,1,11,2,31,13,38,33,11,41,0,2,0,2,25,18,0,2,20,156,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210694193747508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466352985189986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706600590898008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530783774928807,0.0,0.08550628804136821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524736424433406,0.15979554130472567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402233717999015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688095275504408,0.09203041688149544,0.10736330591107696,0.0,0.0,0.1879789581614152,0.1750916036854495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979539060927675,0.0,0.1050766098758312,0.07423090418549028,0.0,0.1138246142413771,0.0,0.08838291086164955,0.0,0.0,0.0802779904754892,0.0,0.2171476641785828,0.0,0.11810504395638458,0.08715193610808275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964641158905108,0.0,0.0,0.1032027105664008,0.10232708216660116,0.11989427917423374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923569707310924,0.0,0.0,0.05710435641727344,0.0,0.0,0.11002209889773508,0.2257896753549113,0.0,0.07339231275248702,0.05076352196836333,0.0,0.09175144181997726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875595477528453,0.09831894838106407,0.06935847018162754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083364313897056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317490646420685,0.11043628428542854,0.07638331527370022,0.0,0.08013918460997968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065715035354136,0.0,0.0,0.22112792169519555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873567868618705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595262296905032,0.2335907702145441,0.0,0.0,0.08803973493393916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354563459090767,0.0,0.0829799543537537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079987547244293,0.0,0.0,0.09081895852628202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903093579641334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928722033346092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225736234583652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937595554518547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177942869768188,0.07381227575069288,0.11360556839978395,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cmetery,2018/03/03,Disconnected Always disconnected from everyone and yet i still ache. I crave love and friendship but nothing lasts or feels important. I lost someone and i don't know how to stop hurting. I tried to make friends but the person won't leave my mind. Existing is exhausting so why not leave so i won't hurt anymore?,2.3747881355932208,5.301301288135598,3.286249999999999,84.63751059322036,86.96610169491525,7.017796610169492,27.71398305084745,8.07648339933343,2.4143711864406776,252,12,46,6,8,80,44,59,0.206,0.545,0.25,0.2676,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,13,9,9,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,7,2,3,6,0,4,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775576197251933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162559451778856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390334177392774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789642324560404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486462682580785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568769337159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727359336101195,0.1739413752677885,0.0,0.4518985134015136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23294045201266744,0.0,0.1925928555556665,0.0,0.14243951842808336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546312445161006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047535125239256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632396481461827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808047007623912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041357322878112,0.17840364059675898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487783976367627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255133355191856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jacksteven1722,2018/03/03,Wish my mum just aborted me so I don’t have to life his miserable life Fuck everything iv always been alone and never wanted by anyone just been a rejected laughing stock all my life fuck this ,2.6557894736842123,5.2230811578947405,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.52631578947368,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.4520842105263156,156,5,29,3,4,50,32,38,0.314,0.5670000000000001,0.119,-0.8625,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,7,8,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,2,6,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846831052931817,0.0,0.0,0.22871440709284616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192195955309126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24703602387221366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082269886896075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824478244379975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119971968805229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212583588869087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31608769170619394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Taylor1cool,2018/03/03,"Didn’t get the job. My dad isn’t doing very well, so I’m trying to move home to hell take care of him. I can’t do that until I manage to get a job though. I had gone through 6 rounds of interviews for a job in my hometown, and I just got the news that I didn’t get it. I’ve struggled with depression for a good part of my life, but I haven’t had to be on any medication for a few years as my suicidal ideations had improved. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve gone back to it. What’s the fucking point. I’m going to spend the next fucking six months working my ass off to get a job and for what? To watch my dad fucking die? To slowly rot away in a town I never intended to go back to? I don’t want to just push through anymore. I don’t want to just keep going because “it’ll get better”. People have told me that most of my life. Well guess what, it didn’t fucking get better, it’s the same bullshit it was 30 years ago, and it’ll be the same bullshit for the next fucking 30 years, so why not just put a fucking bullet in my brain and not deal with it? I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just done.",1.3901014584654376,2.249451180722893,3.1218558444303532,96.02231452124286,77.35341365461845,6.045318114563518,22.3422109490594,6.05967700443912,0.05302730923694776,860,23,217,5,19,287,114,249,0.138,0.77,0.091,-0.9575,4,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,13,15,7,1,16,0,23,11,2,1,1,25,52,10,2,2,8,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,17,6,0,1,1,0,1,8,12,9,2,2,12,2,20,6,36,36,5,32,1,1,2,7,6,9,8,2,15,137,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303905558175925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370360855266942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580493015507227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801267521552948,0.14406374326408533,0.0,0.05710466219982931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569948208035526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045745723208163,0.0,0.0,0.0955099990661386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965769285849146,0.08068390872276472,0.0,0.09722199160412234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586414948250392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968165366406672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196175575863655,0.29365436376253284,0.0,0.15971648450077489,0.0785718678126315,0.07492209706879338,0.0,0.10319583543105217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396572239877178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718400830913505,0.08326446915486782,0.0,0.0,0.05148245861548088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233374618092755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290124430685089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436977585262292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477213019597878,0.09956388254911222,0.0,0.0,0.0722495184958194,0.0,0.1992532178101658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144311993882124,0.0,0.06494387370256924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855509444802381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417131232099993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979315955559506,0.0,0.10246749188609702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704334858125894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203722922211714,0.0,0.10924768619563872,0.0,0.0,0.08951243884989035,0.0,0.06360057005308235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729337960974267,0.11050630622528124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845384211907802,0.0,0.08452897005062625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819801047534126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809748529662812
suicidewatch,DeepDarkParadise,2018/03/03,"Guilt of leaving family and friends. I think about it every moment I can now. I am currently 18 and in the United States Marine Corps. Don't get me wrong that I love my career, and my family. If it wasn't for them I would off myself and be happier not being alive. But lately I am leaning more towards the feeling of not caring what they think and still doing it. I am afraid to get help because I have heard so many stories of people talking about depression, or even suicide thoughts to the doctors, or therapist here and they get separated. I do not want to lose my job, but I am tired of feeling worthless and sad all the time. Maybe meds will help, maybe therapy will help, but why even waste the time?",4.241785714285714,5.395228178571429,4.957142857142858,84.45785714285716,70.78571428571428,7.885714285714287,27.57142857142857,8.238735603445708,1.7624428571428568,555,19,110,8,10,179,89,140,0.16899999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.156,-0.6229,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,1,8,10,0,2,5,0,15,3,0,0,1,24,27,14,1,3,9,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,3,18,3,13,19,2,11,0,4,0,1,10,3,0,3,7,80,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350038820416094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638341329842767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321078962170997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699321921919324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261504228379507,0.0,0.12923115023105658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891902452783397,0.0,0.1551093355798891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850273604236125,0.0,0.24040766508312156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084266414723559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220820323411635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302184451319136,0.1624096426340624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171595489860821,0.0,0.0,0.13843345758864198,0.0,0.0,0.15550551430904644,0.30818614664574184,0.0,0.17037308806917634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633593070602862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249125282467575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677752726411438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328283231073968,0.0,0.0,0.17540595572557427,0.1780885994183736,0.0,0.19656228869299125,0.0,0.12176836343910792,0.1788768320518864,0.17629031831612865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046881754518606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384036120654098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089583406131846,0.16769939811999235,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alien-,2018/03/03,"I've had this urge since I was 13 I can't shake it, I am 24 now and still almost every day I want to die. I am a worthless piece of shit. Here is some shit to back that up.         
I am still living with my parents, who hate my presence    
I don't have any good skills worthwhile
I am not attracted to people, and have never been in a relationship    
Have no way of moving out, I couldn't support myself.  

I cannot mentally work more than a couple days a week without cutting myself all over wishing for this torture to end, how can anyone? When I am off of work I get berated by my dad telling me to be useful which I cant. He laughed at me for telling him that I was suicidal, saying it was an excuse. He comes at me just about everyday screaming and yelling, then later tries to apologize but reaffirms what he previously said. I can't take this mental degradation either. I am constantly threatened about being kicked out,  I am very close to truly killing myself. I don't know what to do.  ",2.5152029411764723,4.233505785000002,3.9252352941176447,87.87482352941177,76.15,6.7058823529411775,25.264705882352942,7.5105763829236425,1.2108588235294122,767,27,159,10,17,253,127,200,0.205,0.7190000000000001,0.075,-0.9803,1,0,0,0,1,3,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,6,1,5,0,27,2,2,2,2,23,37,7,3,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,11,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,11,10,0,0,6,4,28,4,27,28,5,27,0,1,0,0,14,9,2,2,14,119,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796711473558816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004864975269716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332198887695968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136235553223316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728802212449153,0.0,0.15968342583294876,0.0,0.0,0.1635011640236018,0.0,0.1905947352305561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335861877930482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308775336094136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449991004374215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720205905764099,0.0,0.0,0.12393978896997172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588913201844167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348208111901133,0.0,0.08120877400641624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048079990736974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978283774871019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705273319446542,0.0,0.0,0.11396687293864168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407755480790162,0.0,0.0,0.10244290005658896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586462531033054,0.0,0.0,0.14056007399150766,0.11751009775467608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30336101275138905,0.1222342317098754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601352971866565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163290595216687,0.16768402418313874,0.0,0.0,0.11110225085712473,0.0,0.25830940899030885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032396390965886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276230793856463,0.0,0.12192309314132595,0.08715669268594498,0.11729041531725035,0.11852962133843703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699245382874116,0.14244193118385806,0.0,0.21515199426446294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mickey06,2018/03/03,"Utterly pointless I have a terminal disease. But at least it lasted long enough to make me think I may be able to get a transplant to fix it, but no. In the end, the money runs out. No matter how many times you stood in the parking garage, crying because it hurt so much to try to make your next appointment on time, no matter how hard you tried, effort doesn't matter, only success or failure; it's a tough old world sometimes.


 I can't work, now, of course, but the money's gone. A gofundme raised about $3K, which disappeared into health care bills like it wasn't even there. I can't expect the world at large to support me, anyway.



So I ruined my own life by getting sick, I've ruined my partner's life by using up all his money staying alive just to die in the end. That's what kills me the most. When I look back, I see where I chose one thing, where a different choice would have meant a different outcome. But no...I totally destroyed the life of someone who tried to help me. Now I'm going to die, and leave a big messy pile of bills and stuff.  


But I'm scared. Terrified, as a matter of fact. What if death is horrible? Painful? What if waiting 10 minutes more would have changed everything? But how many 10 minute intervals should I wait?


",3.4335500104843777,4.752728681274906,4.0887984902495305,89.27731180540997,72.94422310756973,7.037198574124553,25.56112392535123,7.475848149327749,1.1259912350597614,973,31,204,11,19,309,156,251,0.309,0.616,0.075,-0.9976,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,3,0,3,16,12,2,1,16,0,13,6,0,6,3,37,31,18,4,6,10,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,0,1,13,4,0,2,2,0,5,4,7,8,0,1,4,3,19,4,26,22,8,31,0,3,2,0,7,14,0,5,13,125,32,2,0.1278478558616177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830710958040588,0.0,0.07793486629234607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034940966385505,0.0,0.13524607948086548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404348663911665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653717796220679,0.26714759669272164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264705060786837,0.13210101099113392,0.0,0.08444230303475304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490140917108732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359045592407784,0.0,0.07265888274115186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452656697392713,0.0,0.0,0.1358962923456348,0.0,0.0,0.0856937228669022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686377391211033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144471027514804,0.0,0.0,0.10421306615323432,0.0,0.13537241958435084,0.0,0.0,0.2709081645160317,0.06246000452934605,0.0,0.0,0.1131413293001294,0.10735999961847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067887308500085,0.2592353186584676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398288442112207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596764511113246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415481840257004,0.0,0.0866330158603481,0.09723405542778688,0.13603913258081698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279980069562614,0.0,0.10187818860401122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832507338957507,0.0,0.12644479850834955,0.0,0.0,0.13626880364998525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635520763002513,0.0,0.14508023176612722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493643457591614,0.08191974376596266,0.0,0.0,0.14909822575626291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604009059291193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041949897239066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307476172787207,0.0,0.0,0.18163889733981972,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PythonPlissken,2018/03/04,"What's the point of being kind to yourself if no one else gives a shit about you? I don't know why, but everytime my therapist says to be kind to myself I always get annoyed and pissed off. Recently I feel like everything she's told me these past few years is useless bullshit and I feel like I haven't improved at all. Nobody cares about me or gives a fuck about what I have to say or how I feel, so I don't care about being nice to myself or care about improving.",4.375136054421766,4.407171887755107,5.1085714285714285,87.52809523809526,69.91836734693878,8.574149659863947,26.537414965986393,8.344100000000001,1.4305251700680266,367,10,82,5,6,119,64,98,0.294,0.514,0.192,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,7,13,4,0,3,0,8,3,2,1,1,13,20,9,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,5,15,8,13,16,2,6,0,1,0,1,7,3,3,4,5,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375172759965291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055091205313395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380612721222874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148533367476626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506953332242509,0.2361368057370655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278878134717136,0.08634637479334792,0.31708269558476665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442050345591399,0.09082767121056848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614844390904747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199073773963256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577682233100332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623288434261612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318347053306698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628575213299045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964653549696027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189036605573134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792187443567796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912981442610454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642799434122574
suicidewatch,anxiousthrowaway866,2018/03/04,I'm completely worthless and unlovable. I've accepted the fact that I'm going to die alone. I might as well get it over with.,1.0187179487179492,3.4000906153846167,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.15384615384616,6.543589743589743,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.4167589743589741,100,4,21,2,3,33,22,26,0.393,0.481,0.126,-0.8707,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308363625264194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43615373184109374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.431728114285596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733567791116784,0.0,0.2364146065313355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412957374186372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37402165087486944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,my_final_destination,2018/03/04,"I feel like I have to sell my possessions before I go. One reason I live is because I feel bad for the objects and possessions I have, like they will all be thrown away. I want to make an ebay account and sell down everything over a few weeks. It will leave some money for my final expenses too.",4.203500000000002,4.864137016666668,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,70.5,8.666666666666668,26.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.7656666666666667,231,7,49,4,4,75,44,60,0.081,0.81,0.109,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,9,11,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,10,2,7,8,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736943597520874,0.0,0.2376098875692367,0.1734754827817028,0.0,0.242154045877268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25575943575090104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877813385642497,0.2033018480000326,0.0,0.3117401664047904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173165312966392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30132592714833245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780598711655139,0.0,0.2512866828626741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995734077473705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283672335862806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292592526814463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785087315436964,0.0,0.2282704841497709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tuilon,2018/03/04,"Will ~950mg of Zoloft kill me? I'm fourteen, a trans girl, I weight around 130lbs and I'm 5'3"" (I think. I haven't checked in a while). I've overdosed before, I've been in the hospital and in psychiatric care, I've been to therapy, counselling, shrinks, etc. and none of them have helped me all that much. My family is abusive and while I've told multiple people (my teachers, school councilors, therapist, etc) none of then have helped me with it at all. I'm schizophrenic and I've told people about my delusions and hallucinations and again, they haven't helped. I can't contact suicide hotlines because my parents monitor my phone bills and I'll get into serious trouble if they find out.

I'm just wondering if this dose will kill me. If I take any more than 950mg, my aunt will notice the pills missing and I'll get in trouble, so if it won't, I won't be able to take more anyways.

Forgive me if this post violates any rules, I did read them but English is my third language and my reading comprehension is worse than that of a blind deep sea invertebrate's, so my apologies if it does.",3.3663888888888884,5.198550268518524,4.058518518518522,87.33833333333334,74.0925925925926,7.392592592592592,28.66666666666667,8.167268648758528,1.8827888888888893,862,36,176,14,18,274,119,216,0.12,0.851,0.03,-0.9478,1,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,4,0,7,9,3,0,5,0,17,6,0,0,2,28,31,22,3,6,8,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,7,14,1,0,4,2,2,0,7,7,0,1,5,2,25,2,18,20,9,14,0,1,1,0,16,9,0,7,4,107,32,3,0.14215186973648414,0.1684267207919762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193336292032258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265453020119896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665446038540789,0.0,0.12096077116582148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493330512183275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243980591509429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170738218118672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340081315951321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299242336408895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853696967051153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858442055546598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145399646234344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449798046007952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184084587123604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784282880276898,0.0,0.0,0.1971004157713427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614219680139786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843806761025296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438652812994471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549107330964018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376103004673616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256305170196042,0.16504927711846087,0.0,0.09108517828621122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716644066355147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310268140236326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415763893643278,0.0,0.0,0.14486489963546398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UselessInteruption,2018/03/04,Found out im going to be a dad. Its done nothing but make me more suicidal Im not cut out for this at all. I have a wife but things are just complete shit. I work my ass off and cant even afford a house or to put food on the table. I was depressed before but now im going to be a dad. My wife cant hold a job and cant help with money and i am forced to do all the work. I feel like the entire world is slowly crushing me. I want to be there for my child but i have utterly failed at being a functioning human and I know this kid will be better off without my influence. I fucked up my life so bad and theres nothing i can do anymore.,-0.777563218390803,0.8866321172413834,2.09586206896552,97.25367816091958,86.44827586206898,4.9701149425287365,17.25287356321839,6.079149491110277,-0.5148712643678164,487,11,123,4,15,171,87,145,0.254,0.652,0.094,-0.9855,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,6,8,3,0,9,0,19,5,2,2,2,25,27,11,1,1,8,4,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,8,1,1,3,0,1,3,5,6,0,0,3,1,17,2,17,18,3,13,0,2,0,2,8,9,3,1,2,86,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616858713180914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612653953586687,0.0,0.0,0.13872988467399885,0.0,0.0,0.14419028125227246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093799625441253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042090349596076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668403365218592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768238732909337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243486447998925,0.11647148749829332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714130124981544,0.1787583127299793,0.0,0.15072226103008765,0.0,0.0,0.1853119034664844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927822105500837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811929062677665,0.0,0.0,0.528313933027938,0.0,0.1617860402720193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959919601589075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515570140250295,0.07965015352006542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108826428578506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128709469504917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389415149620915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735200831220096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178332681415459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831251301367052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616164863476127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571589113267016,0.0,0.2373813167748145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TotallyLegit_Account,2018/03/04,I don't know if this belongs here but I just don't see any point in going on. I'm still waiting for my life to begin... I wish I knew what I wanted but I don't... There's no point. I've been trying so hard to get out of this rut for almost 8 years but I'm still in the same limbo. I don't want to talk to anyone. I hate my voice anyway. I've been thinking to give myself until my 30th birthday and if I'm still in this stagnant hell then I'll just be done for good. What's the point in going on if it's just going to be misery...,-1.1906941838649168,0.4325701056910596,1.6268292682926848,100.25105065666042,87.78048780487805,3.784615384615385,13.526579111944963,3.1291,-1.557258411507192,405,5,105,0,13,141,68,123,0.127,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,20,27,10,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,4,3,12,1,18,21,1,20,1,0,1,0,2,10,1,4,7,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845306385529377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253172881537606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885344570038598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858327679163656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627913121753737,0.17677897032782033,0.3141931385965503,0.15456602260315958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507943315716214,0.1819391743726553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127592844047646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016300472924305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226148662795709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684796785760093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415007424853501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811795603286732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807971916545584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251145915461892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738722396850754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119138675645714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867081689210195
suicidewatch,00sunshine000,2018/03/04,"Suicide seems like the way out If I'm being frank I don't seem like the person that would commit suicide but if you gave me a rope I would probably hang myself from it right this moment , life is a gift they say from god or whatever but what kind of gift is this ? This is like a fucking punishment and it's not fair as people around me don't have the same problems as me and they live healthy lives with amazing parents and everyone loves them , it's amazing how my parents are annoying and not so supportive of anything I want to do. It's awful how I can only do certain things and all. It's all fucking bs,  I hate some OF my friends as they don't understand me , but you know what I hate the most ?high school , how cliche but trust me I have my reasons to hate this God for Saken place , I had my fare share of awful moments . And those have just broken me down and I want to start fucking ruining everything and then swallowing some pills ; or else I'll just hurt someone really fuxking bad... I have an exam tommorow that I didn't prepare for and I hate my life . I don't have any fucking energy to prepare and at this point I'm crying my fucking eyes out. i need someone here for me in rl and i have noone , absolutely noone and I feel like I'll hurt myself ... or someone...",2.7672173754998184,4.247433667938932,3.9581570338058896,88.90601781170488,74.91603053435117,6.9752090149036725,26.216648491457647,7.62386473244151,1.3073167575427114,999,36,212,13,21,326,133,262,0.222,0.584,0.194,-0.9475,2,0,0,0,0,7,24.0,0,2,4,0,8,29,11,0,8,2,22,11,1,4,4,52,45,29,2,8,13,2,1,4,1,2,3,1,0,1,16,16,1,0,6,0,0,1,7,16,0,0,3,3,37,13,23,39,6,18,0,3,1,6,14,10,5,10,10,143,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850157510822916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289428975777798,0.08967330881593101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410745549282987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064995488470217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414910364275746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625424983463657,0.09053190327789733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093339417095325,0.07196334002426688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782570330298785,0.4656280070216087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978100771898533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642944923231233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567251492294165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489742953339123,0.055359964462435206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230073082706526,0.19685130511734955,0.0,0.1778973401403989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091504177295223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469189510033186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661162874163563,0.0,0.0,0.22370310879292504,0.0,0.0,0.06983525334483544,0.08795576032947344,0.10524405470387377,0.0,0.09522480109634912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108606705375348,0.0963874276074274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453183853878755,0.10356981848834572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602503078261532,0.0,0.08010655148127431,0.0,0.10194669887179064,0.0,0.18340622531050485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560510389931017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129900366214995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203700779614064,0.11431008204807085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692221736242372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048661169310143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882931293547372,0.07995679411727387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311499923371104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BBxTEE,2018/03/04,"Social Isolation and Loneliness All I do is work full-time.  I lost interest in a lot of things I used to enjoy like art, webdesign, graphic design etc.  I feel like a failure most of the time.  I have only one sibling whom will be moving across the nation soon.  I have no friends and I still live with my parents whom I don't talk to because nothing comes out of it besides negativity and more loneliness if that's even possible.  

I can be socially awkward and there's not many people around me and friends are usually also across the nation also.  My first boyfriend who wasn't really my boyfriend back 6-7 years ago, rejected me because he wasn't fully attracted to me.  Regardless, how much I tried to appear confident and positive about outlook on life when someone tells you everything you believe deep down about yourself, it can truly break you down.

Dates after that were mostly bad experiences.  People that usually just in it for sex or just to take advantage of me.  The last guy I dated was long distance but didn't even last a year, only a couple of months and out of the blue he went out with someone else.  The reason why he didn't want a relationship with me was I was too different.  I automatically think the reasons why are because he wasn't attracted to me as well.  

I admit I am an emotional eater since I was a child.  I tried to diet, exercise but somehow my emotions are stronger and I start to feel lonely, empty and worthless.  Many have told me I need to go to a therapist or something because this type of thing is bigger than me and I can't go in it alone.  As you can guess, I am overweight.  I may have a pretty face but most people don't like chubby people and it's probably why I never let anyone into my life because I feel they will reject me anyways.

Recently, I thought someone was interested in me but I am probably only fooling myself because history likes to repeat.  I mean it's nice someone gave me some of their divided attention.  It made me feel like I am worth knowing at least.  In the back of my mind is always negative though.  When it comes to good people, I actually feel like I have nothing to offer them.  I start to distant myself and cry to myself a lot.  At times, I don't even pursue friendships because of this thought.

It's probably why guys I've dated in the past were broke because I felt if I could accept them maybe they'd accept me.  Even guys that had more than me wouldn't be more than friends with benefits, I was too emotionally attached and they didn't want anything else to do with me.  At some point, I wanted to stop trying to find love.  I accepted that maybe I am not meant to have love in my life when it's something I long for.  

I've lived this long, I am almost 30 years old.  I have nothing to show for it.  I haven't had a full life or a life worth living.  At the end of the day, at every day off, I am always crying.  I lose faith, I lose hope in everything.  I don't know if it's time for it to be over.  I don't know why I always think it would be nice that I would stop feeling this pain constantly.  I am someone that feels I have so much love to give but it gets thrown away like I am insignificant.  It's easy for people to forget, ignore, and disappear from me.  

Thanks for reading.",3.5254601226993856,4.94461893251534,4.824741104294478,83.6972527607362,72.86503067484662,7.854036809815952,27.15042944785276,8.426882951386363,1.8487235828220847,2552,92,511,43,50,847,279,652,0.13699999999999998,0.691,0.172,0.9828,2,5,2,0,0,0,61.0,0,4,6,6,27,43,0,1,23,0,65,14,1,5,2,98,109,35,0,13,15,1,8,7,3,6,8,0,0,4,32,26,2,3,25,4,2,8,20,13,1,2,25,9,88,30,80,70,16,81,1,8,1,4,38,32,0,19,47,360,120,3,0.0,0.0,0.0524862566679717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047677025809733584,0.0,0.05385775973785799,0.05570488566349927,0.0,0.08602345289087354,0.1342599156024504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760761884501721,0.0,0.04426035015482549,0.047879921033553416,0.0,0.0,0.050532638629337344,0.08271446198091639,0.044908104546426325,0.26229397090160883,0.0,0.0,0.0605971096879401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926617745481954,0.0,0.058122317232428625,0.0,0.042942827542157135,0.05951191536429504,0.11816026802625534,0.06937355962972676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619372246892298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986068409117841,0.18150215664367486,0.04763741438640017,0.0,0.059984326991138766,0.14209754907372926,0.0,0.04531605725030794,0.0,0.0966767132204436,0.05261190543330882,0.0,0.0,0.19036665939441624,0.11527172633091867,0.051641892190508534,0.0,0.04915838002805782,0.045749367351168004,0.0,0.0,0.12466212893437313,0.0,0.0281003651076418,0.051595330646896,0.0611343413484587,0.04511218177250907,0.0,0.0,0.059250077867986486,0.1597663775752728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342049352424347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867624364087769,0.08768366535277028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499865486376155,0.18994915669394796,0.18393593222377352,0.0,0.1424790282159456,0.1427937036417228,0.0,0.12034298276421095,0.058712519117308064,0.09145191504401788,0.1456287855883542,0.050892527109758015,0.0,0.10905879544626744,0.1080682253479936,0.05858747103392935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430736784503253,0.0,0.042930555462453085,0.05716478547058566,0.07907610907784425,0.03988078600502142,0.041482193335814765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482404727724,0.0,0.056438154237665815,0.0,0.036446007451841234,0.12271740999088974,0.05723087428671391,0.0,0.05972171276712612,0.0,0.05134372679809876,0.22372586400524716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084406962486288,0.060634338931049185,0.0,0.054718530147617316,0.17396750089015015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379940661079453,0.0,0.0344559532171322,0.11059957073426227,0.053106052367407036,0.057744802270542614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449138509550706,0.0,0.0,0.1096537659749793,0.22785865139116715,0.08281241300531902,0.0,0.0,0.076138389676735,0.0,0.042952652017260985,0.08993308863816367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040439514845517784,0.04323022643522839,0.04701033101945769,0.049517865191415135,0.0,0.062448358251405114,0.07146453108539459,0.06892632242100506,0.052843343681321285,0.08539832879328235,0.09408713859844202,0.0,0.0,0.051393730666126236,0.0,0.1095491512526545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046452842976903316,0.11847283088716945,0.0,0.09517109709033802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483590409488248,0.04985909634183179,0.2426623146506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915601258740184,0.0,0.0,0.0764144309216098,0.0,0.0,0.10390704320198783
suicidewatch,vewaver,2018/03/04,"I really don't like this anymore I really don't want to live anymore. I don't like anything and I don't care about anything.

I can't force myself to care for things and I don't want to live. I fantasize about killing myself multiple times throughout the day. I've told my mother that I want to kill myself and she told me that she would cry if I killed myself. She told me that the rest of my family would also cry. I feel guilty for this but I can't help but feel any other way and feel like I am living just to make my family happy. I've tried thinking about other things but it always seems to come back to this and I can't get my mind off it. I've felt this way for a long time. I visited my doctor last year and my doctor prescribed me celexa which I took for a month. My mother found it and threw it in the bin and told me not to take any medication for this and that it would get better. It's been more than a year since I last took my medication and I have felt like this since 2012.

I really don't want to live anymore and I don't want to be here but I can't help but feel like killing myself. I feel like I make choices in my life that are destructive. I have no friends and have never told anyone other than my mother and my doctor about this I'm not sure talking will help but I don't feel like talking I don't feel like anything anymore.

There is nothing inherently wrong with my life I just really don't want it. I wish someone else could have had my life instead of me.

sorry for the blog",1.638757763975157,3.2467107329192584,3.150279503105594,92.95939440993791,78.3167701863354,6.214906832298138,19.57453416149068,7.021680442328713,0.12419751552795022,1184,26,271,13,28,389,120,322,0.236,0.715,0.049,-0.994,1,0,0,0,0,5,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,20,5,0,7,0,29,8,0,2,2,54,65,21,4,12,11,3,9,8,1,4,8,0,0,0,25,15,0,0,12,1,0,5,18,6,0,0,13,9,53,14,28,46,2,21,0,0,0,0,18,3,0,2,19,175,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339364877726378,0.055555599762901815,0.0,0.0,0.09080787424975174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648602036186957,0.046685128868457465,0.0,0.1648309742174638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133980075656715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905009964844201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361470752103632,0.0,0.0,0.0575139694936524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330811945428908,0.0,0.14668111168298778,0.04305927456779842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501695646996834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577536873968083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588421381645773,0.0,0.23631626513529144,0.23849225076908914,0.1282138282596591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732067105218042,0.051584118086119915,0.0,0.06976613817041905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107485013492319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425779712738484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29547174256637265,0.0,0.0,0.10884824252028248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414787928253008,0.26095237274111044,0.0,0.2358263918356821,0.05908680794699666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913515385550387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345217160110649,0.0,0.0,0.06741576691681413,0.0,0.05329288521080165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514949257917553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406486080086549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109092951153282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607822864594876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046091778794534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565715715628137,0.0,0.0,0.07474033438373841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629272287353693,0.0,0.050200571584208,0.10732977806749043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871422721536051,0.04278168019509981,0.0,0.0,0.07786489945799302,0.0,0.0,0.3189942640434937,0.14836147355114174,0.04533049774423505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23628589464943425,0.10599327817124107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677890305913339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422883579662418,0.07299937406087043,0.0,0.08599168379889592
suicidewatch,Matthew340,2018/03/04,Want to kill myself right now. I fucked up so badly. My girlfriend caught me talking to other girls. Her mother found those the pictures she took of my. Messages and posted them on Facebook. My mother is telling me that she hates me and I'm a twat. I think I'm now single. Awkward thing is that my girlfriend goes to the same college as me. I may have also got a girl pregnant that isn't my girlfriend. I just want to die. I've got nothing I can do I'm about to be homeless. Is there anyway I can kill myself that looks like an accident ,0.09162162162161992,2.4489997837837842,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810812,91.70270270270271,3.3203603603603606,20.012612612612614,4.604124745555138,-0.4199722522522524,420,14,88,1,15,135,70,111,0.266,0.6920000000000001,0.041,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,4,1,5,0,10,1,0,0,0,9,24,5,3,2,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,5,1,21,1,10,17,2,8,0,0,1,1,14,3,1,1,3,64,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327901396588172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091884976421488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487975555238066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757856796454055,0.0,0.20031727973398206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465977727119013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139267594296005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794488986907709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058589618712561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195672881787853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207910419378616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075196593854684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504363886562625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415927304663906,0.18938797575575006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395264388794438,0.13883987196558253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407395864132636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556070979509133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImaKillMyselfSoon,2018/03/04,"I'm planning on killing myself in a couple years. Here's my plan: Hey guys! So here's my suicide plan:

I'm a disabled retired veteran, and I have a life insurance plan that doesn't penalize for suicide since I've been diagnosed with MDD, PTSD, and SAD. I plan on increasing my insurance amount in the millions of dollars range so that my family will be well taken care of after I do it.

Here's why I'm doing it:
I've reached the conclusion a long time ago that life is monotonous and pointless, so it doesn't matter if I live or die in the big scheme of things. Happiness doesn't matter to me (because of the Hedonic Treadmill and whatnot). I genuinely don't enjoy living to be honest. There are certain aspects of living I do enjoy like my family, art, etc., but not enough to keep dragging my life out. I don't have much energy to keep going through the ebb and flow of life and it honestly bores me. So maybe my absurdist worldview is the main culprit for my suicidal ideation.

Also, recently my mother, at age 52, suffered a Grade 5 brain aneurysm and left brain stroke recently and watching her recovery process tore me to shreds. I wanted to kill myself then, but I loved her too much to go through with it not knowing if she would survive it. I literally put working, schooling, and everything on hold to stay in the ICU/rehab with her 24/7. And I do mean that literally. She made a miraculous recovery and I'm grateful for that. But I still feel those powerful suicidal urges every other day that I can't ignore.

My family is pretty poor. Only like 4 of us make a decent income, but not enough to help everyone in my family. That's also another reason killing myself would be beneficial to me and my family. It'd be like killing 2 birds with 1 stone. We've experienced a lot of young deaths in the family, so 1 more wouldn't be earth shattering, and they'd get a great payout. My pointless life would be over and they'd have the money to live the life they deserve to live. Also, my mother would have the funds to be taken care of at a higher quality.

I don't plan on doing it right now, but definitely in the future. My psychologist tried to rationalize with me about it, but he can't. I've tried every anti-depressant there is and I've achieved everything I want in life for the most part. There is really nothing keeping me here in the long term and I don't see suicide as a bad thing. I see it as a relief. I'm not sad about it at all. I feel pretty neutral and borderline ecstatic at the thought of it. People try to say ""Think of the good things..life gets better...blah blah blah"" as if I'm an idiot who doesn't know that. Obviously there are good moments in life, but after the tragedies I've witnessed with my own 2 eyes, I've come to the conclusion that for every ""good"" thing that happens, something 10 times worse will cancel out until you die. Life is literally just an endless cycle of that happening over and over again. I want no more of it. I'm over it. It bores me.

I plan on using carbon monoxide poisoning as my mode of suicide. I'm still working out the specifics of my life insurance, my will, and my future funeral. I wanna make this as painless as possible for my family when it happens. I don't have or want kids, so I'll spread my money out to my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews. I don't want a funeral AT ALL and I wanna be cremated immediately afterwards. Millions of dollars in insurance money should soften the blow.

We all gotta die someday. I'm just doing it on my own terms.",3.5878770587472464,5.153955094151215,5.086005446764363,81.29950486318249,72.9514978601997,8.464800933731034,28.152016599662822,9.045936885302208,2.363900199714694,2775,108,540,59,55,933,291,701,0.17,0.71,0.12,-0.9935,3,0,1,0,0,7,90.0,2,1,3,14,28,31,6,0,35,0,52,17,3,5,5,92,96,51,17,16,18,4,3,5,0,10,13,2,0,2,35,33,0,5,10,1,7,6,18,13,1,2,5,10,69,18,90,70,20,66,0,3,4,1,23,33,0,7,29,361,104,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048786802248173965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203872662822488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771088328517145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595342890284762,0.03354992229468254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867557686105773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228785405676923,0.0,0.0,0.112227370711729,0.0,0.0,0.04740932969359807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089717210705664,0.0,0.035494182758107486,0.0,0.047403114978729455,0.05586119323103137,0.17135852685224354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137354528120056,0.0613805800425797,0.0,0.0,0.13911263252203634,0.0525900207116595,0.09892705364448913,0.0,0.3631865765839513,0.0,0.055656519249120434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057508912618795274,0.0,0.06255736324329844,0.13848676928184686,0.0,0.060678266021688326,0.0,0.05449508462613754,0.14600658077213052,0.05858769673933804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036890006746684856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467577092188187,0.2435602581737488,0.0,0.06049357161222312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059797643964214685,0.0,0.3887411929518105,0.08066460102559564,0.0,0.24299251250218934,0.09741167174387573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679031901312969,0.04967286055478092,0.05207715065788979,0.07347498240217208,0.0,0.05529186279786026,0.0599512095188075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091676086364034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280929371112023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185796626329085,0.0,0.0,0.0611118529565909,0.0595994908326029,0.0,0.03815558716751129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204572228735637,0.0,0.11198442286546936,0.0,0.0,0.06433507369288427,0.055327185015154004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03525798321784945,0.05658699650937321,0.10868440012887352,0.0,0.0,0.04700112627080003,0.0,0.04376747217683763,0.0,0.05570017962181988,0.08771440752502499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045527009488052335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042370017302545165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058661905654611365,0.08790491874906038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612079565566375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969201266041942,0.035265358991425765,0.0,0.04369307133155762,0.06418480105725058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209912296012868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620249359720387,0.04753412415497154,0.0,0.0,0.16231065223522415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948469262946345,0.0,0.04966215134806515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013489140669441,0.0,0.05608720087091133,0.15638625383877142,0.0,0.0,0.035441894586839766
suicidewatch,saracondell,2018/03/04,"I think I'm ready to die. Before I explain my situation, I want to say this: don't tell me ""What about your friends and family? You'll just be hurting them by killing yourself."" I've been thinking about that for the past few months, it just makes me mad. I'M the one who's suicidal and depressed and out of my mind - thinking about the misery others will feel if I kill myself only makes it worse, and honestly, it's not the first thing on my mind when I want to die. Why should I be concerned about what they think when I'm sitting here with twenty pills and a glass of water?

I'm seventeen, almost eighteen. I'm a senior home school student and have been since first grade. I'm going to University this September, and right now I'm attending a Community College to knock out some courses and get a head start. I regularly cut myself, and I've tried taking ten acetaminophen pills to kill myself. It didn't work, and I just fell asleep for thirteen hours before waking up with the worst stomach ache I've ever had. I want to kill myself because I'm so damn miserable and depressed here, and I make everyone else in my family and friends group feel the same. And yes, I know this for a fact. I have so many bad habits that I've tried to kill, but they always resurface, and I can't seem to shake them off. A few of the worst ones include overeating to the point of making myself sick, leaving messes everywhere, lying, and neglecting my health. These habits drive my mom insane, and she's always screaming at me because of something I did. I don't blame her, she has a right to yell. I would probably do the same if I was in her shoes. I do the same with my sister, my friends, almost everyone. I'm a compulsive liar - and this I hate with a passion. I don't know why I lie so much. My mom says it's because my dad does it all the time, and I picked up on it when I was younger. I also have type 1 diabetes, an ileostomy, ADHD, anxiety, and obviously, depression. All the medications and surgeries that I have cost so much damn money, and I don't even take care of myself properly. I neglect my health so much. I don't know why I started doing that, either. I just do.

When I was twelve, I started having seasonal depression - I would cry and bawl my eyes out for no reason other than the sun went down and it was night outside. I cried every night until my parents took me to a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and they put me on Prozac. I started taking it, and after a month I did better. But then, for some stupid reason, I missed the feeling of crying and feeling depressed. Missed isn't the right word, but I wanted it more than the ""meh"" feeling I got from the Prozac. So I stopped taking it, and of course, my parents got mad. But after a few months of me not taking it, they stopped ordering it. So I continued to feel depressed after six pm, and cried probably every night for no reason. It wasn't until I was 14 that I had a reason. Because I was neglecting my diabetes, my parents sent me to an inpatient hospital for three months, where I was in a unit with seventeen other people who had anger issues and eating disorders. I was the only one there for diabetes care. Almost every week there would be a lock down on my unit because some girl would get angry and start throwing furniture and such. It was terrifying, and depressing, and I hate that place. Every day it was wake up, eat, talk to your therapist, do nothing, eat lunch, talk to your therapist, have a lock down, eat dinner, and go to bed. For three months. It was so awful, and I hope no one ever has to go through that.

When I got home, nothing had changed. I was still neglectful with my health, and now I was even more depressed. I began to realize that I'm just lazy with everything in my life, I lie about everything and anything, and I don't have a passion for anything. I continued to drive my family insane, and they continued to yell at me for it, with good reason. That's when I began to cut myself, because I felt worthless and annoying a waste of space for everyone else. I don't know why I resorted to cutting as a coping mechanism, but every time I feel this way, I just cut myself. I don't usually use razor blades, though. I don't like the way they cut. I usually use a serrated-edge kitchen knife. I don't know why they're any better.

In my junior year, my sister happily went to college, and I went to a private school. I hated it. I never fit in, people knew me as the odd one out, my anxiety grew worse, as did my depression, and I always felt pressured. Pressured to have interesting things to talk about, to be entertaining to everyone else. I had long hair for the first two months of the school year, and when I cut it into a bob, people began to notice me more. I was hospitalized in February for an intestinal block, and I was in the ICU for three weeks. Because I didn't eat for the majority of my stay, I lost forty-five pounds. When I came back to school, obviously a lot thinner, people noticed me even more, and started talking to me more. But it wasn't a genuine kind of talk. They just invited me into their friend groups, and then proceeded to talk about how their day was going, what their week was like, and what drama they had encountered. It was boring, and they never actually cared to strike up conversation with me. So I went back to keeping to myself and staying away from most people. There was one girl who I became friends with - she was very nice, and was always complimenting my drawings and handwriting. I helped her write a few essays here and there, and we talked at lunch, but she left before the year was over, and I haven't heard from her since then.

I went back to home school for my senior year, which I am currently in. I don't talk to anyone other than my coworkers, who do the same thing that everyone did at the private school - talk about themselves. I continue to do those bad habits that my parents hate, and I'm at a point where they won't talk to me. I made my mom so mad one time because I over ate, that she tore up my room and threw my belongings all over the place, even my books in the library and the boxes of tea that I bought. Ever since then (which was about four weeks ago), I do my best to stay away from my house. I spend all my time at my community college where I take classes. I'm only supposed to be there from twelve pm to three pm, but sometimes I take the bus there at 8 am and don't come back until 8 pm. When I work on the weekends, I leave the house at six thirty am and help my boss drive inventory around the city. He doesn't need my help, but since he understands that I don't want to be at home, he lets me tag along. I do that until five pm, when my shift starts, and then at eleven pm, I close the store and walk home. It takes about an hour and a half. My parents are usually asleep by then so I don't have to run into them. Sometimes, if I don't have work or school, I'll just walk around the neighborhood. Just anything that will get me away from the house. I'm always being dumb and stupid, making everyone angry, leaving messes and problems everywhere I go. I don't have any friends. I don't do anything but work, sleep, over eat, and go to school. Life is not just boring but disgusting. I'm disgusting. I hate myself and everything I've done, to others, to my self, and in general. I hate myself with everything I have. I hate experiencing life. I hate having to wake up and think about what I'm going to do for that day, and what stupid mistake I'll make. I hate it all, and I want it to end. I have no passion for life anymore.

As I said, before, I've already tried to commit suicide. It clearly didn't work, but since I tried, I think that I have already technically committed it. Ever since I did, I've felt different. I feel like I'm wasting away as each day goes by, and I'm just waiting for the next event of my life to happen, which is death. By attempting suicide, I think I killed myself mentally. I don't care what happens to me now, but I really want to just kill myself. I just want to get it over with. I'm sure my parents might be slightly upset, but not because I died. Just because one of their children died, not me personally. But then they won't have bills, messes, problems, and misery when I'm gone. My sister never spoke to me much anyways, so she won't really care. I don't have friends, and my coworkers and boss won't care all that much. I was just another employee. So, I think it's alright if I kill myself. I made this post just to share my story, so at least some anonymous person on the internet can really understand how I feel.

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suicidewatch,DracoFuckingMalfoy,2018/03/04,"I used to be passively suicidal until I started making plans in the back of my head. It won't stop. It's like a future crime scene I can't stop thinking about. How much plastic do I need to keep the place clean? What tool should I use? Should I stop eating for a few days before? I don't care much for my parents. They could die and I'd probably not be upset. But I'm not a complete asshole.

I only have health insurance if I do not work, which I need for the meds that keep me semi-functional. Applying for jobs feels partly like a suicide mission and partly impossible now that I haven't worked substantially for a while. Those are all paltry excuses for a parasite. My mother hates my existence in a way I think. I cannot blame her I suppose. 

Although I'm not sure why I'm writing this here. I could say that about most things now. Why am I doing this? why am I awake today? is it another day at all? 

A year or two ago I had a nightmare about a black-eyed woman and the dark. The last scene was her waiting in the corner, looking me in the face. I thought I was seeing some one else. Didn't stop to think it might be a reflection of my self. That dream was the first time that I started to see the cracks in my head, I think. 

It's March again. Memories fading faster again. Vivid nightmares again. The sun spills out of the sky and I am the only one who sees it is some thing to avoid. It makes my eyes hurt. Creates reflections out of every surface. They map to me. I prefer the dark.

I am tired of trying to sort out the mess in my head, sort out this mess of a life. What is real and what is not. I hate my self because Noah died and it was my fault. Hate my self because Mal is gone for good. They aren't real people to you out here. There are no funerals for voices in my head, friends or not.

I hate my self because I am the worst one yet I am the one that survived. All I do is survive the days. I am good at holding out the worst of the storm. The nightmares. The isolation. Ignore the things that should scare me. And if the voices show up again, I'll take it in stride. I am waiting for the fallout. It is all I am built for. The worst of the worst.

To be quite honest, I do not see a way out. There is too much time. I've lived too many lives already. And now every day is just another war to fight. Haven't got any thing else to show for this life, not a job nor any semblance of a path in The Right Direction. 

I am an aberration of a broken mind. There isn't a place I can call home nor a life I can define as mine. I will not fit into your society or give back to it meaningfully. 

I don't want to die. I just want out. But then, I suppose death is inevitable. And I cannot help but think it's for the best if I go sooner rather than later. ",0.3806137303556661,2.401781150427354,2.1691549489936577,96.3164454094293,84.5042735042735,5.278467052660602,18.837193272677144,6.532088108194933,-0.12839564378273982,2123,55,497,22,62,698,252,585,0.13,0.8079999999999999,0.061,-0.9807,3,2,0,0,1,2,71.0,0,2,3,8,24,27,6,3,47,0,57,12,6,5,5,90,96,26,8,14,21,2,1,2,1,6,5,3,2,5,33,18,1,11,11,3,0,2,23,18,0,6,9,11,68,9,62,75,18,68,0,1,7,0,23,29,0,12,37,345,101,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791599970631125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209937515605776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886079323469119,0.1370199867739868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047796972302823,0.0,0.11948378661187985,0.0,0.05559571854352855,0.0,0.06856560132001735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671487472341081,0.0,0.06661392087266656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850305361737402,0.0,0.0,0.10433019866822288,0.0,0.0,0.16854403104653196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034238755875812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685455185287026,0.10915889288486426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009599335637267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0330356039333057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555743631460592,0.0,0.0,0.05047806359652921,0.0,0.0,0.06267578784208894,0.03713168381887631,0.10960067503851263,0.05225478687628073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580212130888469,0.2682123867674717,0.06944860654563513,0.0,0.0,0.04379302437242212,0.0,0.06553685747897682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994302950221899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967085181929738,0.11614643103380347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053257172092544526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138445237929101,0.06383927338303835,0.0,0.11538492899062168,0.0,0.05486538479857326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872239389164863,0.06623996629155482,0.0,0.0,0.07257303807414768,0.0,0.0,0.06931066583770837,0.06597025394820905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408738272827645,0.0968909260309914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709216722542448,0.09938121992417637,0.0,0.0,0.07254736721381508,0.14150401069529112,0.0,0.045295425675709836,0.0,0.13652343277429224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044274511215183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949237184293898,0.0,0.14873225964412345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579618031632395,0.0,0.05195743088151654,0.0654122571727131,0.0,0.2082558137185044,0.0,0.27263680178097216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924896400156014,0.0,0.0,0.21849369362684484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429329172497296,0.0,0.061577957943455074,0.0,0.049124182772286584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736240753721006,0.20932182750990014,0.0,0.0518691078282558,0.07619533865473845,0.07509357333515795,0.06193043705610377,0.0,0.0,0.04435853190657768,0.0,0.06382331310493237,0.0,0.0,0.11285783014000005,0.0,0.0,0.07707316941469168,0.1037205953080386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686544374797475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513007890057212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042073935201591424
suicidewatch,throwawaysadness789,2018/03/04,"I don't know where to go or what to do. Man. So I moved into this place about a month ago and things were fine. I am not a super social person but I am pushing myself so I don't come off as rude. I have an elderly animal who is having some troubles adjusting to the new environment so they need some help. I am trying my hardest to make sure I am meeting my roommate demands and my animals but for some reason it has just gone off the rails. This weekend I was gone from home and received an angry text Friday. Apparently my animal smelled terrible and needed to be taken care of (keep in mind she stays in my room and does not walk around the house. Meanwhile my roommate has a dog that shits and pees everywhere, you can't even walk in the back yard and the living room carpet has smelled like pet urine far before I got here.). But no big deal. I will come home and fix it. So I did, and left again. I understand people who are not used to particular animals being frustrated about what goes along with them, and I don't expect anyone to understand everything. So fast-forward to this morning. I walk into my room and it is torn to hell. Apparently my roommates said the animal had clearly urinated and threw-up on everything in my room and it was a problem (they decided to shut the door so my animal must have been in here unable to access the bathroom and must have been scared). They clean the room and then today are now talking to me about moving out. It feels very sudden and I am SURE I seem like a total asshole but I am not too sure what to do. I'm just anxious and I feel bad because I don't want to come off as an asshole but I also am frustrated because no one seemed to tell me it was a problem until it was too late. And this is happening on top of tons of other things in my life that are just making everything else go down hill. I don't have the money or the credit to do anything and I just feel incredibly trapped and sad. More hopeless than I ever have. So here we are. Fuck me I guess. ",2.327603406326034,4.139885160583944,3.9067822384428235,87.38722931873481,76.95620437956204,6.999756690997566,23.338807785888076,7.8897218956490685,1.1475406326034063,1575,49,328,25,36,524,207,411,0.177,0.7390000000000001,0.084,-0.9934,2,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,1,1,4,2,28,23,6,1,20,0,46,6,4,4,8,79,76,39,0,8,15,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,12,2,21,30,0,1,11,2,2,14,12,14,0,1,14,6,47,9,46,57,6,56,1,2,0,1,19,28,3,8,15,244,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277803765084056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836995074211968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824016754702313,0.0,0.07318327890430472,0.0,0.08612929106549763,0.0931728655662784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047990974268959,0.0873898013492614,0.12760401626672865,0.0,0.08906108319658239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671159766099812,0.0,0.0,0.2704754793892065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790365875044937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159189205521516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743307484419012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912937381343066,0.09467429105237568,0.0,0.0,0.2821949016362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876330484243514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675988602399173,0.0,0.0,0.118965563120942,0.0,0.08370910644430979,0.0,0.11529884387480005,0.0,0.09255374694190813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015385877256987,0.0,0.20997241044048454,0.0,0.0,0.12076783479467218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302988816655706,0.0,0.0,0.05752042156936742,0.0,0.11806519034740298,0.0,0.11371739502256725,0.0,0.0739270527562927,0.10226677497700873,0.0,0.09241994734198546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972763881975309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568048096691103,0.0,0.08354155116475015,0.22248185697898326,0.0,0.15521358569156388,0.0,0.10108483475425784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092281857270151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256061761969222,0.09138828867996364,0.10935126951434633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029801405411615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076116951873212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955912782495893,0.0,0.10478660283118807,0.0,0.0,0.19056376753032628,0.0,0.0,0.10743576389782387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669144158428304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155755738627653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959328404677706,0.0,0.0,0.08412470173513105,0.09148066992910638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906779718601445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920893103910414,0.0,0.0,0.07105976870353498,0.0,0.0,0.21791716496882976,0.0,0.09039581520665757,0.0,0.08635849761721834,0.061733350456580724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackgir,2018/03/04,"I'm a black woman and my life is worthless. I'm going to hang myself. 5 minutes of suffering to achieve freedom and finally leave my black body behind. 

I hope to be reincarnated as a white woman or man. Or better yet, as a pet cat or dog. My hope is to be treated like a living being worthy of life and not like garbage. 

I'm giving up and it's such a relief. I won't have to convince people anymore that I'm not a monkey with low IQ. Wish me good luck friends. ",0.5521212121212109,2.473073353535355,3.1699898989899005,89.9683181818182,83.14141414141416,5.172121212121212,22.021212121212123,6.2581,0.3954315151515155,358,12,77,3,10,125,65,99,0.078,0.575,0.34700000000000003,0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,14,0,0,6,0,7,3,1,0,0,14,16,9,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,3,7,11,12,12,0,6,0,3,3,0,5,2,0,6,4,45,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381367833439777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212368647222904,0.0,0.26672172627625723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304222547760586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855178812797288,0.0,0.0,0.23034717537781324,0.13646702784574272,0.20140317963158733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769912174732245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542548282606624,0.0,0.0,0.3392109414651524,0.23462323822724826,0.0,0.21203237637095027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647055778896602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761287766659484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jennypiu,2018/03/04,How to cope with suicidal thoughts? I'm afraid that suicidal thoughts will urge me to hurt myself. I usually try to cry or count the time when the thoughts approach me but is there another coping method? ,5.2307017543859615,7.23955715789474,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,69.52631578947367,9.27719298245614,33.719298245614034,9.725611199111238,3.3426035087719304,164,8,31,4,3,49,30,38,0.24,0.76,0.0,-0.8446,0,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,4,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627686706101305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752647069404783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682650511572292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482162644504015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.596828688893956,0.14612282716112066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013623681828247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27599284953652314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessHopeNot,2018/03/04,"What are reasons to stay alive if you have no given or even desired life purpose? Last night I called the suicide hotline and quickly learned that despite being an Atheist, I would have been better off talking to church people. The lady basically told me it’s my decision if I want to live or die and I have to come up with my own reason to live, and was very cold and kept putting me on hold and trying to either call EMS or get me off the phone ASAP.

I think praying while holding the Bible (definitely non-traditional prayer, basically reaching out to God to see if he exists and saying maybe he’s a God that everyone else misunderstands and he’s just completely different than all religions and people believe, I was very real with him if he exists, self admitting my shiftiness and self believed non-worthiness of him). I don’t know if God is real and silently (not actually revealing his presence) answered my prayer, or if it was merely my psychological activity that made things worked out (I called my parents and they let me back home). 

I don’t know if God (if he exists) will help more or answer me more, perhaps (whether he’s real or not) the key to succeeding in life is all dependent on our psychological mindset?

I would definitely expect better support and help from church people (even if you’re a SATANIST) or from subreddit groups than the suicide hotline. 

I read they were care filled volunteers, I just got another “evil government” vibe, which is odd since I thought they were a volunteer group. 

There is a very strict system (particularly in the US), there is simply not help that people need available, you can’t beg it into existence. The world is full of evil, crime, careless violent psychopaths, homelessness, the government itself is a dangerous (yes, to all the innocent good people) entity, you may be safe in jail (in away) but you are in their CUSTODY, and the government is BAD. 

Becoming reliant on the government in any way is terrifying, real help has to come from VOLUNTEERS WHO CARE, and you could know they care because they aren’t helping for money, but for free, which tells you that they actually CARE TO HELP. 

The outside world is a terrifying and extremely dangerous place, law enforcement may save you from immediate danger, but if you rely on them (whether by being in jail, or homeless shelters or welfare, etc) you’re depending on them, and that’s really bad and scary. 

Death seems like the only escape from the bad world, OR, being really wealthy so you can live in a safe place. ",10.535665236051509,8.290944733905583,9.95622746781116,65.18120815450648,58.74248927038626,13.3543347639485,41.7549356223176,11.886574207783886,4.931017510729613,2010,86,347,47,20,650,235,466,0.134,0.705,0.161,0.4067,3,0,0,0,0,2,64.0,2,9,9,4,9,24,6,0,23,1,38,2,0,5,3,95,61,44,4,17,31,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,2,15,24,0,5,14,1,2,4,8,10,0,0,12,3,47,15,46,38,9,38,3,0,1,0,50,26,0,25,6,234,62,8,0.0,0.0,0.14850112497470386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051742205486221986,0.07978452648576205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148684399297213,0.05850669982785672,0.1905900078132864,0.04638232013688725,0.08403282231271135,0.0,0.17144943324498627,0.0,0.13458667170594735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330819677341321,0.0,0.31030568659752505,0.0,0.0,0.13108553206230356,0.0797764446541105,0.0,0.0,0.0607497905589489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896695935523186,0.07949539110724542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356146125524477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485783331229928,0.1005103394355502,0.0,0.0,0.07270500227180343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975265236653028,0.0,0.0,0.06381870387195031,0.06085423777503938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059996540822733,0.0,0.07632210839357241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254473339802588,0.062021583236367625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780476869431581,0.10748590296880714,0.03717257838057101,0.0,0.20156034473193596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199596626231199,0.0,0.0,0.07644026292310277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641802218898812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140309738110658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786808012400951,0.0,0.0,0.0844863216997743,0.0,0.0,0.263747952002695,0.0,0.15899078221449084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648909541743981,0.0,0.0,0.07610823205791452,0.3464175756617913,0.09748738316753026,0.15646153601367113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050794658353462,0.0,0.0,0.06063199930403294,0.06926733131665208,0.15875200870196754,0.0,0.0,0.06294048345037839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810993022282887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645506090741066,0.08634335407811149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061156364218864785,0.06650395251070268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505492482018003,0.04875388849236805,0.0,0.06040508840717518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270500227180343,0.0,0.051658514164179874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152406449455218,0.0,0.0,0.188340818739582,0.044878462414765945,0.06039482836269165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055392709329003316,0.0,0.0,0.10810095515046922,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gray_hurricane,2018/03/04,"Documenting my emotions I guess it’s been a while that I’ve been thinking of it. I turn 21 soon, and I don’t think I can take much longer of being a burden. I told myself a year and a half ago that I’d have my life back on track by now, but I realize now that I’ll never be the person I want to be. Regardless of how much I try or how much I want to BE that person who has everything together, sometimes people break too much to keep going on. I got through this once before, but as much as I’d like to believe otherwise, it wasn’t because I got better but because I was too scared to go through with it. But I’m not scared anymore. 

I live by myself, I have no friends here and I can’t put the weight of my mental burdens on my family. My best option is to end it, stop the pain and stop this constant cycle of not being enough. I just wanted to get it out before I went through with it. ",3.401718480138172,3.3198702383419705,4.9892357512953405,87.93839594127809,72.00518134715027,7.8841105354058705,25.92789291882556,7.492282038375204,1.0819053540587218,688,19,160,7,12,234,105,193,0.132,0.765,0.102,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,9,0,2,7,0,16,3,0,2,1,30,33,14,0,4,8,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,14,7,1,3,3,0,0,4,7,5,0,1,8,1,24,4,25,20,7,21,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,13,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103892708866569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350134899336546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957566982711341,0.0,0.15182595660090106,0.0,0.21193351977212352,0.14030386003912226,0.13068766447965005,0.11013760263167703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457383535490766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400806810405848,0.11029755635400107,0.12867387419669424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192048688935226,0.0,0.11739680035649094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621238801795104,0.0,0.06506233900286923,0.0,0.1415477423974419,0.0,0.1991977295690774,0.0,0.13718500230963174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106889279553589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879599704757566,0.06083958559312945,0.0,0.10996320746575487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549801842896874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577232890162196,0.0,0.09604603054297606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262151461086127,0.0,0.0,0.13250982789757984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633415705845947,0.2174714363527845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518811097652172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493546312923067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316440255844605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082270845285232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936318590136441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595889497662417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899476445992252,0.0,0.08454841528421396,0.13545403325016228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203549369713579,0.0,0.0,0.15164528217707565,0.0,0.1154415402128279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019391970764862
suicidewatch,rarely_happy,2018/03/04,"I just lost the most important person in my life I had one friend. One true friend, that I considered my best friend, and one that I thought would never leave me. We were inseparable I thought. I was actually happy when I was with her. I wouldn't have to fake it. I'd see her once every three weeks and when I did, it was amazing. Now that won't happen anymore. No one else cared, and now she doesn't either. I just want to die.",0.5369662921348315,2.7425429775280925,2.2001011235955046,95.14082584269664,85.51685393258427,5.3577528089887645,17.888764044943823,6.742157984588678,-0.18051550561797705,331,8,77,4,10,108,57,89,0.073,0.588,0.339,0.978,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,2,16,18,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,5,9,1,17,8,4,6,3,7,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,1,6,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.17484417119375126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768859393618827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880279651636909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826758571663824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595027562933372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967362725272407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509585360949092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152791225075061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843952697892133,0.1907299022224016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971526490246707,0.0,0.0,0.12655313973408866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558532834038567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818702596722582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081030813807168,0.4856411846285871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564444196835672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277537180865907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844820904955944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567916662848592,0.0,0.14371944618150942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727729781007582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheArabianThrowaway,2018/03/04,"There's no reason to feel the way I do. I just don't get it. There shouldn't be anything wrong with me. I have good freinds, a decent relationship and an okay job. I'm only 21 and I know I have a lot more in life to look forward to. 

But I want to die. I mean, I don't want to hurt everyone who cares about me. I know it's selfish. I'm sorry. I can't stop cutting. This past week I've been such a mess and so terrible to everyone I know. I'm really, really sorry. I usually always do it on my upper-arm, but there's not a spot there that isn't already a scar or bleeding. Today, though, I think I want to go for my wrist. I really do want to end it. Fuck. I'm so fucking sorry.
",-1.356862745098038,0.4715644575163402,2.0700980392156865,95.36044117647059,90.69934640522877,5.491503267973857,16.99673202614379,6.937597516519254,-0.09706797385620902,514,13,129,8,18,186,87,153,0.138,0.736,0.126,-0.6861,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,3,0,7,1,12,5,1,1,0,23,32,9,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,7,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,2,19,3,13,29,2,11,0,1,1,2,2,3,2,2,7,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162453533593664,0.0,0.11432797176498688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306865582560295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008865926176192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259971299076685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169579302549335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625835549856541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947366860097766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540485383132087,0.0717859325517182,0.0,0.07808769900005164,0.11524476730380664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708975390295914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363484954700341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265346667404205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704982336317987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538156132566815,0.0,0.0,0.1168127349934327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966909603867226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449904218660702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311640362950243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640662558129071,0.1412702876735865,0.0,0.14751639222930182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614248181424042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487271803082805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804049900061041,0.13499499706795587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302393220670547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132690651347874,0.0,0.32416878715178943,0.1090618818423057,0.11021415110740612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022554723756226,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AverageJade99,2018/03/04,"Newbie Hi, I'm supposed to have been seen by the emergency psych team almost a week ago but my referral keeps getting lost. 
I'm having to stay at my mum's because I've been having psychotic episodes and blackouts and so they're with their dad at my house.

I can't keep fighting through a life that's been tv drama levels of crap. I've had to be strong more than I can be. It just feels there's nothing left to fight for. I don't want to kill myself in a way in which my mum has to find the body, or feel responsible. I just need out now.

My marriage has been a hell. I can't keep playing house but I can't look after the boys alone either because of physical and mental health reasons.

My brain keeps racing at a million miles a minute and I'm currently tempering that with diazepam and a shit tonne of weed. The only other help I have is a high dose of amitriptyline but other than getting me a few hours sleep it's not doing much good.",3.4247448979591866,4.3752540255102055,4.318979591836732,89.03316326530613,72.5204081632653,7.028571428571429,25.73469387755102,7.1686216300943375,1.0094734693877552,743,23,160,7,14,240,122,196,0.141,0.752,0.107,-0.6987,1,1,0,0,3,1,13.0,0,0,1,3,5,11,7,0,13,0,20,8,5,1,0,27,36,10,1,2,8,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,8,0,4,4,4,0,0,5,8,0,1,7,4,16,3,24,27,4,18,1,1,2,0,11,10,3,2,6,100,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015148589648598,0.0,0.1470240086894658,0.15206639922824505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900629010904326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630894535062869,0.0,0.16390523566519866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484782430143908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341953718012684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341998419065336,0.0,0.0,0.12314982719676565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606808794098828,0.0,0.0,0.09841368918562676,0.15512865266708462,0.0,0.0,0.14459302970318594,0.33883262774281203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220191538531264,0.1624400864878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952577042171032,0.0,0.10370682553547447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329600442066845,0.0,0.16027680993228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796504628031906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793325423093908,0.10886886228992997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088252824366065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166701351032277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096053315094762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071373208332933,0.0,0.0,0.14693101528847166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649589304150205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660117733390862,0.1165428350185092,0.11777414264488655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vari199,2018/03/04,"Existence is pain I have been depressed for the past 7 years . I don't remember much of my childhood nor adolescence . Though Im not a bright student , i can consider myself above average in terms of intelligence . I have good degree and a decent job . Yet i don't feel happy nor sad .
I have been having suicidal thoughts for years now . In six months my parents are going to divorce , and ill end up with 3 people directly dependent on me . I don't know how i'm going to fight for them .
Currently i feel like a loser because i'm not able to study properly nor am i able fix any problems at home . I dont feel any emotions whatsoever . Im completely broken inside . 
Depression has taught me empathy , but i doesn't help me .
Helps others , sure , but i have nobody to talk to .
I dont know how long ill fight depression .
I honestly have no energy left and im too much of a  coward to commit suicide.
Existence is PAIN",2.3952421189470283,4.5173744585635385,4.534728631784205,81.51442313942152,77.89502762430939,8.457718557036074,26.116672083197926,9.168548406835145,2.4496633734156648,711,28,138,19,17,245,110,181,0.29600000000000004,0.605,0.099,-0.9903,3,0,0,0,3,2,20.0,0,0,1,1,6,16,2,0,5,0,20,4,0,3,2,21,31,11,2,1,4,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,12,10,0,1,4,4,21,6,18,27,3,19,0,5,1,0,8,6,0,1,12,85,22,3,0.2445093260961509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662747263274415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452530786734947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818168821360626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158932864253843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28656310917424943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752004090130146,0.10828134435412444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854468929361649,0.0873387557091818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389602847400736,0.10254141103152437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014236213089836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388944724685856,0.0,0.1226313950731556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961680452922889,0.0,0.12131888887124236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437593115114368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283004911405027,0.0,0.0,0.05972745304373105,0.0,0.0,0.10819152966765792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758250566745344,0.0,0.17974248828431014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601751621555869,0.0,0.1357493354509489,0.0,0.11670590928285565,0.08475599005989218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698120168411832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849070111121695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674535172796921,0.0,0.11522357309830372,0.0,0.0,0.09826366723371344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011458572390606,0.09705654648179282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745598945276926
suicidewatch,Traumkampfar,2018/03/04,"Nothing really wrong, just dont feel like living. Not really sure where I should begin, guess I'll start with a bit about me and whats brought me here.

I'm 23, got a decent job and live comfortably, just got no desire to live. I've wanted to die since about the age of 13, but wasnt allowed to kill myself since I'm quite religious and know the Man Upstairs is unhappy with people who do that, so since then I've
just been trying to get myself killed and hoping someone would kill me (like getting mugged and someone with a gun telling me its my money or my life)

I'm pretty sure I've got depression. Nothing in life interests me, I'm just so damn bored. Thats the main reason I wanna end it all. I'm gonna die some day anyways and I spend every day bored out of my mind. I tried getting with a therapist in hopes they might be able to give me some drugs, but after about a week of calling her, she never answered the phone despite her leaving messages telling me to call back, so I gave up. 

Havent had a significant other in about a decade. I've joined numerous dating sites and have honestly tried, but nothings worked and I cant sustain interest in anybody.

But basically, I've put some thought into it, and decided I want this to be my last year. I know I'm gonna go to Hell for it, but maybe they'll take it easy on me since it will be my only major sin. I've been buying whatever I want on a whim and doing whatever I want, since there wont be any consequences anymore. ",4.925204487875497,4.719768710097722,5.859712269272531,83.4291485703945,68.73941368078178,9.037205935577273,29.107672819399205,8.680891452615391,1.969783351429606,1162,37,248,17,18,385,169,307,0.18600000000000005,0.696,0.118,-0.9778,2,0,1,1,0,2,30.0,0,0,2,2,16,20,5,0,12,0,21,3,0,2,4,55,53,20,5,10,11,0,1,2,0,8,3,0,0,1,12,16,0,0,7,0,3,3,8,10,0,0,10,1,30,10,31,31,7,28,2,1,0,0,15,11,2,8,16,142,42,2,0.09080534432922706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175074799181252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005450145069849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982370470977765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913591762952836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544481841255311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171238699072906,0.0,0.0782105100123888,0.0,0.18848322219751867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642318727093836,0.0,0.10530537063308296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042658262156703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650741899976088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591391048817437,0.06487135613256552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232613367894018,0.08710876055322421,0.05160676979228099,0.0,0.21787598725846308,0.0,0.1000323242636846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038039181820184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011029275227156,0.0,0.3013879787077109,0.0,0.09980848495686234,0.0740184752561811,0.0,0.09614974838798236,0.0,0.0,0.12827700026560762,0.08872580896830043,0.0,0.2405483480212089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122617344653633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633012048373556,0.09168751207864204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003467951860927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26139053075271884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690615562079057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295299229876053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238168029338777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128445165526904,0.0,0.09658266114490116,0.0,0.0,0.11634445756206548,0.09336301757918704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755755959283664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387814715134782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427249008876923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116592478637635,0.0,0.0682743180710421,0.0,0.1587357467026178,0.0,0.0,0.10543200358753536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208930034201726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495260454059165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142373790828984,0.0,0.07283856992697169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610737215810861,0.0,0.0,0.06450551127887627,0.09928138916224412,0.0,0.05847566457786305
suicidewatch,Beautyinastorm,2018/03/04,I'm going to jump I'm going to london tomorrow and I'm going to jump in front of a train. Just wanted to tell someone. ,-1.8316666666666668,0.06871537037037001,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,99.0,4.181481481481482,14.157407407407408,5.985473137389443,-0.4912148148148154,93,2,20,1,4,35,17,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7833927274659046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38931268733249547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016024449770948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710109632909731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeahboutthat,2018/03/04,"I just wasn't cut out for this. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm losing my mind and my situation isn't helping it.I'm bout the be kicked out of the military because I let my depression get a hold of my life.This apparently makes me ""a weak piece of shit bitch unfit for this uniform. I'm running out of options. I'm going to end of life tonight and I'm usiing this as my note. My friends kno my user name so Garrett I'm sorry I wns't strong enough. Kelly, big bro, Tell mom and dad that I love them. You guys meant the world to me. Tonight at 1100 my time I'm going to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.
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suicidewatch,klezmai,2018/03/04,"Why is it so hard? Man I wish it wasn't so hard to just end myself. I wish I could just stop thinking about all the people i'm gonna hurt. I wish I could silence this fucking voice that tells me things are gonna get better. Nothing will get better. I'm way past that point where it's reasonable to think things will ever get better. I will never be the person I want to be. I will never do the things I want to do. I will spend the rest of my life alone, in pain. So why the fuck can't I just end myself? How is it so hard....",0.07125874125874533,1.620050888888894,1.9718570318570308,99.86986013986015,82.84615384615384,4.596425796425796,14.909867909867911,4.851557810540192,-1.2277111111111112,402,5,102,1,11,133,62,117,0.15,0.6829999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.2858,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,11,7,2,0,5,0,16,4,0,2,4,19,32,5,0,7,3,0,3,0,0,7,2,1,0,2,10,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,4,15,3,7,20,2,11,0,1,0,2,3,3,2,0,7,67,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136886019286806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33654125417183695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025441840685292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246866771536105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473480430516887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345246310090971,0.19880731597730647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34087344385023444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357857458592465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895914385686683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956549552850782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170720981352473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496759993914398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108393702241993,0.08793546981251645,0.1107525316633126,0.0,0.0,0.11990559525664195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041351195790085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604462433858963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086448755359747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25280226001049994,0.16254898122278558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962803111606646,0.10068035725004068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289082640253993,0.0,0.4375821291292332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sadsnoopy22,2018/03/04,"Advice needed.. Hello... Looking for some advice. I’m at a point where I feel like there’s no purpose anymore. I dont have any friends, and haven’t for many years. My parents and my boyfriend of 6 years are pretty much the only people I have anymore, but the past few months My parents and I have Not seen or spoken to each other. I reached Out to them to let them know how sad I was Feeling, hoping they would recognize my cry for help, but nothing. Im having thoughts often of just deep sadness and lonliness, feeling like I wish I would die. Last night, after I reached Out to my mom and got no response, the sadness seeped in and I decided to tell my boyfriend of 6 years about what I have Been feeling lately. His response was to give me a few shoulder pats and fall asleep. I feel Like no one would even care at this point if I died. I feel like I want to die. What is the point of life when you care so much about these people around you but they don’t care about you? Im ready to take responsibility that this is all my fault, and the reason no one cares about me must be because I suck. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore, so I’m hoping someone on here can give me some direction. This is my first post ever so not really sure how this works, but if you have any thoughts of how to handle this then I’m willing to listen to anyone.. ",3.6414729269216224,4.342813007194245,4.293294206739874,90.34222074971605,71.80575539568345,6.7159409314653535,25.782658084059072,6.339386263674448,0.718162589928057,1048,31,231,6,19,334,140,278,0.166,0.654,0.179,-0.2001,2,2,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,4,4,2,19,17,1,0,7,0,26,3,2,4,4,51,55,23,3,11,10,3,6,4,1,5,1,1,0,0,10,12,0,0,11,0,0,1,10,5,0,3,7,9,37,12,33,41,8,27,0,3,2,0,20,12,1,8,17,160,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168862798189505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751315326143555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25706381157345426,0.12082909657504527,0.0,0.0,0.07691643050322082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267008473690184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35237191152143604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490894980292863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690160665775617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126293788375176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706795260975999,0.0781558931767716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621258159048073,0.2469034906749339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734938144941063,0.0,0.0,0.06675425919384706,0.0,0.0,0.16577005886085733,0.0,0.0,0.06910387084456875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791368946332035,0.0,0.0,0.1716341041885084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665877952706747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748448468625256,0.07042946611845627,0.09746564037730164,0.0,0.0,0.08835228052349171,0.0610285514036536,0.16884734074669305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255623248325127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759844502280352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119341521396484,0.06896554995106216,0.0,0.12703137175369986,0.0640662649175927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108277417862969,0.0,0.08290540735772395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709696836487732,0.06571289824868934,0.0,0.0,0.19187922078513328,0.0,0.08248084183920866,0.11980105298888175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503451113011054,0.0,0.08274958969111627,0.08790227574494493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535157272273992,0.08883602993106897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320845041496354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143321419857022,0.0,0.06496383172853347,0.06944695470390523,0.07551948250410828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371876661433211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096235831393276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935846507779594,0.0,0.0,0.06290195672736297,0.0,0.0,0.18413330072034684,0.0,0.0,0.16692088655785575
suicidewatch,droubt,2018/03/04,"i’m miserable. using a throwaway account. I’m 18 years old and have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my teenage years. last september i moved out for university and have been drastically improving mentally since then. My life at home was completely fine, i just needed the change of scenery/a new friend group i think. 

so yeah. i’ve been doing pretty well up until now. i think i’m at the worst i’ve ever been. i haven’t left my room in days. My boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship at the minute (started in person but he had to go for a cool job opportunity), he’s been gone for almost 3 months now. i guess this is where i should say he’s made me the happiest i’ve ever been, and because of this i base a lot of how i’m feeling on him. i love him a lot, and it’s scary. 

i know he probably doesn’t mean it, and it’s impossible to truly tell over text and calls, but things have felt...wrong on his side for the last couple days. and it has just eaten away at my brain to the point where i’m in a constant state of paranoia. i’ve fucked up. he hates me. he’s tired of me. he’s going to break up with me. 

i’ve always had the “he’s too good for me” feeling in our relationship. i truly dont believe i deserve anyone as brilliant as he is, which really just enforces this fear that he’ll leave. i cant imagine life without him anymore. i know it’s stupid to think that way, as well. i’m usually pretty independent and chill, but this rough spell has really shaken me. 

on top of that i’m struggling in university, i do a creative course so it relies on my motivation to make art. i have had none for a while now. i’m falling behind and i’m terrified of the consequences. i have no idea how to get myself up to speed with everything. all of it is team work, so yeah, i’ve been that asshole who doesn’t pull their weight, which is making it hard to reach out to my lecturers. 

i know i could talk to my boyfriend about this problem, but i talk about my bad days with him every time i have them, it’s probably really repetitive and just burdens him, which is the last thing i want to do...especially when he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. 

i’ve found myself falling into alcohol and substance abuse to feel numb. i’ve never done anything more than weed in my life but ended up taking ketamine last night while having a bad breakdown. i’m ashamed of myself. 

TLDR: i just want to die. i just want to kill myself. i hate how selfish it all is, but i can’t deal with this anymore. i was doing so well for so long and now i’m back to square one. what’s the point in carrying on when everything always comes back just as bad as before. i’m miserable. 
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suicidewatch,riffoff09,2018/03/04,I am so fucking dead inside I don't really have reasons to kill myself but I also don't have reasons to live. I don't feel like a normal person. I'm out of motivation and will.,-0.7430769230769272,1.3623469999999998,3.185333333333337,86.11800000000002,91.82051282051279,5.171282051282052,18.056410256410253,6.742157984588678,0.3201856410256409,139,4,29,2,5,52,28,39,0.225,0.6920000000000001,0.083,-0.6543,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,7,1,0,3,0,8,10,4,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242623727862322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340490466199475,0.21674442662368446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28048246612176514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356600330803587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822277302372386,0.0,0.2679020802370139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972612814899773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26491156239320396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436168941498735,0.623878239009078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,archive1_0_1,2018/03/04,"I hate myself and all around Every morning including weekends I wake up with the feeling of hatred towards myself, everything and everyone who surrounds me and I can't help it.I have plenty of physical and mental disorders of which I might not be aware but still they do exist 'cause other days I feel like dying every minute. I snap at my relatives out of despair so they get offended and I get offended back for them not understanding my state.Besides, I finish school this year and my family are nagging at me about where I'm going to go, yeah, let's talk about exams and entrance once more.At the same time, I can't even process what's going on now and moreover not what I'l be doing after graduating. I tried communicating but I'm done being an asocial and alienated person people probably view me whenever I have to contact with the environment. A few days of mere joy and light happiness eventually turn into another week of severe agony and self-deprication. I think by the end of the year I either die of heart explosion or throw out in the window.I just can't stand all these optimistic statements that life is beautiful and you just don't try hard enough when I have no strength left.Sometimes I barely refrain from crying in public but I will have to explain a lot of shit if I cry.I can't describe all my emotions and feelings properly through the words yet and that makes me sick, too.Majority of time I think suicide is the only way out, but then I think that nothing would change except that I'd be dead, and also I assume dying is pretty painful.I'm sorry if I took your time and this post was worthless anyway, it's just me whining and complaining.I needed some outlet simply, and that's it.Not a big deal",4.998750000000001,6.340204232142861,5.884285714285718,77.81071428571428,69.17857142857143,8.695238095238095,29.47619047619048,9.075114841892004,2.5373476190476194,1386,52,250,26,24,456,207,336,0.185,0.7170000000000001,0.099,-0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,2,3,1,16,12,5,0,12,1,25,5,3,2,3,63,45,29,5,4,15,0,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,14,25,0,1,10,1,0,5,9,8,0,0,3,6,37,4,35,34,9,41,0,3,1,0,13,15,1,7,19,175,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920477614220232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696764780800348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930123690623427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577341197975978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459037024496352,0.11800283563897775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253007643806173,0.14387827154085442,0.1150009363295342,0.0,0.0,0.34730717460534155,0.0,0.12784350129663305,0.0,0.0,0.11415218015790585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254763184427944,0.09879828682819576,0.11525874870136245,0.0,0.07367630355153086,0.0,0.1879677509708432,0.10658875190700044,0.10025201583030748,0.0,0.10515738641667816,0.0,0.16920583530792718,0.07968980704149142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655829635767995,0.0,0.19018564303068625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187447616115385,0.09992496426362377,0.11013040903788696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218474051493362,0.0747681731963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119706649424695,0.11406523524387853,0.07878954602196124,0.05449664549817131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483399392984396,0.0,0.0,0.07445905672461572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241399747171893,0.11833464214846096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271131809754273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703317149503534,0.0,0.0,0.1187948207851508,0.0,0.08483716722287471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733323469793049,0.0973992808905177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683200658235342,0.11348426664157785,0.12026744995236567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289238046581053,0.0,0.0,0.11636873627355893,0.12601732079462072,0.11450226606405095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032367690847128,0.12486868663551184,0.0,0.0,0.08908225789946604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220152440432937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965793727492646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144260764446716,0.0,0.0,0.1951333468834712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239337668368194,0.15146733726918446,0.1213320301143738,0.0,0.1161252468354722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854149199735847,0.08947695760817756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924039288498694,0.0,0.0,0.143666317605887
suicidewatch,deviantthrowaway4,2018/03/04,"shameful fetish, just want to die I absolutely despise my fetish. It's so shameful that I don't even want to admit it in public on a throwaway (nothing illegal tho, forutunately). I had it before I used porn but porn has definitely made it worse and it is definitely not a natural fetish. I can avoid porn easily but there are non-porn triggers out there that still make me aroused (can't easily avoid them in my current situation, sorry too ashamed to be more specific). I feel like it's not going to go away. I hate this fetish and I hate myself for having it. I feel so fucking disgusting that suicide is start look like the only way I can get relief.",2.5170612980769245,4.943323554687503,4.198437500000002,82.49896634615384,79.078125,7.375961538461539,25.47115384615385,8.384062270229773,1.9315894230769235,517,20,99,11,13,173,82,128,0.308,0.52,0.172,-0.9766,1,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,5,5,3,0,11,5,1,4,0,19,27,7,2,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,10,0,0,2,3,15,3,10,24,1,11,0,0,1,5,3,5,1,0,5,66,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912656695888392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732275626771965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127899222908644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445954737232454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058675488277103,0.14543421518823169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820205884833227,0.10635967750323752,0.0,0.23139303725369206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40197687010196254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989131900969776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095195696701107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262784486905515,0.13588807503025227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533596420158364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548281680168646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288271355046166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278858503568165,0.14409162551114196,0.0,0.16257547540627132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267830626315532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582367272474905,0.0,0.0,0.24014794008032103,0.161588575481509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207460594368456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BactericidalRaper,2018/03/04,I’m home alone tonight and I thought about hanging myself in our garage. So that when my parents open up the garage they can see what they made and what they murdered.,3.1954545454545453,5.385201878787882,1.9303030303030293,100.81545454545456,75.66666666666666,4.4,26.15151515151515,3.1291,0.05571515151515172,134,5,29,0,3,37,27,33,0.181,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.7506,1,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,3,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44273584574850416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287929236870375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044877888867383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474661112693537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34064274163521696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393679106730225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yourdoggerino,2018/03/04,"Is there such a thing as immoral way to cut yourself? I got caught smoking. My dysfunctional parents have isolated me for months and I don't get taken seriously anymore and I'm trapped in a maze that I can't get myself out of. I cut so my parents take me seriously. Am I mocking self harm? I just wanted to know. Thanks, J.",0.3630303030303033,2.7930843939393952,2.824545454545458,87.87348484848486,91.42424242424242,5.357575757575758,25.51515151515152,6.937597516519254,1.3056787878787883,254,12,52,4,9,87,50,66,0.276,0.639,0.084,-0.9263,2,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,15,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,11,1,7,12,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804307039474921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954700928493525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615607029037166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540235771394906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257033878381127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6279626598739941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949895664740879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260697432964154,0.0,0.0,0.26033555382222223,0.0,0.0,0.187859050535029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667843862890458,0.22444874092187225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itzmxck,2018/03/04,"I have a decent life but I still feel dead inside. My life isn’t that bad. Like sure, I’ve been bullied all my life, and been through some bad shit but... my life is not half bad. I have a loving family, dogs, a boyfriend, and a roof over my head. The only thing i don’t have is any friends.. or social contact.. 
I just... don’t understand why I feel the way I do. 
I’ve been diagnosed with multiple disorders, self harm, been to mental facilities, and attempted Suicide more than once. But I don’t understand why I’m like this. 
My life is alright but I feel like a complete waste to this earth. I hate myself, and anything I really do. 
People ask me why I’m messed up if my life isn’t bad, and I honestly don’t know. I don’t understand. ",1.0323529411764696,2.9732271372549057,3.0415947712418294,91.42317647058823,81.54901960784314,6.955816993464053,21.964705882352945,8.021203637495839,1.011812549019608,564,18,128,11,15,190,79,153,0.311,0.5589999999999999,0.131,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,1,2,16,2,0,7,1,19,10,2,0,2,24,31,11,2,1,8,0,3,3,1,0,7,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,4,3,21,8,7,27,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,3,4,76,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023351210732807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709119812794002,0.0,0.1102995893503988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39404854781447796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370451313173278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197517932688361,0.0,0.0,0.13522046922504755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122529490763684,0.0,0.1789695386460494,0.08428815693651348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115453912345843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164852764122606,0.1210861449560078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484120068685048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000156883249567,0.1729238146807829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648562596266656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890063500622752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564965168469286,0.0,0.08973253582114672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179560303406906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558389775022792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308357454577055,0.0,0.1211094031959212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202703489749816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422258144231334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905590338816378,0.0,0.11119900361798546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838366531738675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684781050277893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365061166455962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31938800467023315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exhuastedlove,2018/03/04,nothing left I just hit 29 and I don't feel like i've accomplished anything. I quit my job and then lost the other one I had because my anxiety couldn't handle it. I feel like i'm destroying my relationship because I see my friends settling down and we are nowhere near them. I wish we were and i'm way more into him then he is to me... so hes probably going to leave. I'm trying to graduate college so I don't have to keep taking shitty restaurant gigs. I feel like im falling into a deep hole. I wish I could just end it. I keep abusing cocaine and it just makes me more suicidal. I wish I could just end it. I wish I could snap out of this but I cant this time. Is there anyway to soothe these feeling at all... ,-0.6056493506493474,1.5470642142857152,1.8948181818181844,95.1922272727273,91.92207792207792,4.898181818181818,20.687012987012988,6.508806274219699,0.2797127272727273,555,20,127,7,20,189,89,154,0.184,0.753,0.063,-0.8433,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,1,3,8,6,1,0,2,0,14,0,0,1,1,31,33,10,1,8,5,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,3,5,28,4,12,25,3,16,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,0,8,83,36,4,0.0,0.14828707554462026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957425002882409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299111352494154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525854858780987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29977595823385755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216986687155488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531265782769573,0.2682302198521875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669370311824596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112792677946296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351878429179542,0.0,0.12419607603338535,0.2224853276938821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252006065737365,0.1359802338512628,0.0,0.0,0.1834318308183425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662042212936978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354129550023642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200886796251632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848076185089604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493722614147624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311673018348344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436860452565494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973156847547134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689820965438598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410026467886408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297832890109195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497137982984715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993414538454364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756838913674918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeafmoonPhoenix2,2018/03/04,"Over 2 weeks ago, i made a post on r/happy saying that i got over my suicidal thoughts and continued to work on my dream, but now, i've fallen back and lost hope! The title of this post says it all. I thought that was able to carry on trying to change my dream. But as of late, i've lost confidence and began comparing myself to other people age and how they seem to live a much more fulfilling life then I have. They seem to have so much confidence and I seem like a piece of shit in comparison. 

I've lost hope in following my dreams, I know it's not for me, i'm just here to live in someone else's dream. My life sucks and ever since I was a kid, I've relied on this dream to keep on living. But now, at 22, the dream has died and so will i. ",2.0705072463768097,2.9568799378882,3.7145496894409966,92.32764233954452,75.7080745341615,7.35424430641822,20.248964803312628,7.793537801064563,0.3927387163561069,574,11,139,8,12,192,92,161,0.151,0.659,0.19,0.7424,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,4,9,8,2,0,6,0,6,3,1,2,2,25,24,15,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,7,7,0,1,6,6,0,2,1,5,0,0,10,2,17,3,24,13,5,26,0,3,0,0,5,11,2,5,12,86,24,1,0.13002166154465847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525635790119698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997863196964722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754567765717526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494195691037386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861641420535932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761203674774905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399020044209087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841047645726118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582816950646187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556922691537322,0.0,0.0,0.0714565048247351,0.0,0.1466700975673195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367628949269435,0.06352201618291345,0.0,0.3444345277535997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42580200851898375,0.0,0.0,0.12302963994581055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911617634388893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014064886110876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24904962090575236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679688789535655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551005121944956,0.0,0.0,0.13346536711410928,0.10755526203651836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016693189054944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222259436024035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644535141185744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827617334280513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429553410540177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465731815502647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wemadethemachine,2018/03/04,"Dying is the only way to escape mistreatment I'm not even saying that my life is bad.  I'm saying that the only way to not be constantly disrespected is to be dead.

It's not a matter of the typical things like not having social or familial relationships or the stress of an inconsistent work history or not making a lot of money, although all of those things are present in my life.

It's that the people who are supposed to help always make it worse.  I was born indebted to my parents and have been playing emotional catch up ever since.  I was yelled at for being afraid, sometimes in incidents that happened over ten years ago and I have thought about them every single day since, but my parents remember none of it.  I'm confused and disoriented and I have a thousand burning questions that I never get to ask, although people love to comment on how smart they think I am, but they never answer my questions. 

Therapists mock me and I can't take it anymore.  They mock my tone of voice, they don't retain what I tell them about myself, they interrupt me to shut me down from talking.  I had one guy curse at me.  They tone police me, they dismiss me.  The last therapist wanted to talk politics with me which I find strange and offensive and I specifically asked her not to do that, and she did it anyway.  She once cut me off to tell me that I was ""focusing on the negative,"" because I was telling her about something that happened between me and my parents when I was a kid -- a powerless person who had no ability to set the tone of the situation.  When I brought it up to her later she said that she would never say that about a powerless child.  I told her that I fear being captured and tortured, based on the way that men have treated me, and she said, ""Well, if you expect to be *captured* and *tortured*..."" and I don't remember what she said next because I was shut down by her tone.  I brought it up again over a year later and she said that she would never dismiss me like that and ""if you really think that you are going to be"" omg yes I *really* think about that, have you been listening to me at all.  I spent two years tirelessly explaining myself to her because at least she wasn't verbally abusive like the previous guy and trying to get a different therapist was way too risky.  I can't believe I have nothing to show for two years and thousands of dollars.  I feel like I had to take care of her feelings, I had to help her understanding. 

I have nowhere to turn that won't result in added anxiety and negative interactions that force me to perform and put in emotional labor for the sake of the other person's feelings.  The best I can hope for is to sit completely silent and still until the day I die which unfortunately won't be for a few decades since I'm 28.  Any attempt to mitigate that opens me up to a disrespect and violation of my boundaries, being forced to perform, being yelled at, being used for entertainment, having my anxieties added to, and other interactions that are a net loss for me.  I can't lose any more energy, I barely have enough as it is. 

Death is a blessing.",5.774910506533022,6.159240341059602,6.483771254698408,77.65256577769823,66.94701986754967,9.77476284231251,32.21836405942366,9.703287916142703,2.9627879541793454,2442,96,466,49,37,804,258,604,0.151,0.74,0.109,-0.9831,7,0,1,0,0,2,63.0,0,4,9,7,15,28,7,4,28,1,57,3,0,5,7,73,96,36,4,7,13,3,3,4,0,4,2,11,0,7,40,24,0,1,15,3,3,5,22,14,1,6,24,14,89,14,78,58,10,59,1,2,0,1,69,24,0,10,28,362,129,2,0.0,0.08340840758574722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062402299450588776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857557398168934,0.0,0.0,0.09574414422555133,0.0,0.10770634538432418,0.0,0.06981446747980287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162255413494636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877818383319373,0.12873926150725273,0.0,0.0,0.07931281199623433,0.07387684244903317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177398057450747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380944966482694,0.07607366825217646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079990977716727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612102198801374,0.07354941792600475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837330087110088,0.0,0.07273846058222364,0.0,0.04649626134335799,0.06367771522346936,0.05931213464822339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636360790813259,0.07921569696052545,0.10678384175172292,0.050291313705924455,0.0,0.0,0.06434117688587941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355859004778546,0.0,0.04000798509082113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394073164347513,0.12450288404845646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437065524527306,0.0,0.0,0.0699196641795871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738258888153746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944633881908484,0.1375688056688157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787557394750092,0.0,0.05984863454655265,0.06353564029753142,0.0,0.09398049559927232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717665533408784,0.0,0.07486753598757591,0.0,0.0,0.06754739413278033,0.0,0.0,0.07497003469508312,0.04770252825468551,0.10707950612820842,0.0,0.0,0.2345011338586105,0.0,0.0,0.09760821642001348,0.12293511483711092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707679824865544,0.15772050756284448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019567282118496,0.0,0.0,0.07557955601890289,0.15949115002574796,0.0,0.26785298179956685,0.16794650063849348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469827586022452,0.0791286784969839,0.0,0.07176042364264329,0.0,0.054194708109589464,0.06962399396583034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621878059412939,0.0,0.08063901710678424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585889837580167,0.11316417035297255,0.18458907851684386,0.0,0.0,0.24520748215419794,0.0935366876005142,0.1353218118798408,0.0,0.05588700212975828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726692608110986,0.0,0.047794640604660286,0.07657123809926651,0.13753441247665002,0.07328529751289185,0.0,0.0608000219926491,0.0,0.0,0.04152171266843765,0.2235100380007856,0.0,0.0,0.06329495817282636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124953122120363,0.0,0.0717401047580021,0.10001538727994892,0.0,0.0,0.18133229621024866
suicidewatch,throwaway951997,2018/03/04,"Never the right time. I've been where I am before, many times. I held a gun to my head for some times when I was 14, decided that I couldn't do that to my mother. When I was barely 18, I left my life behind and moved across the country to be with a girl. We were together for almost four years, everything eventually fell apart. I once again found myself wondering if I really wanted to do it any more. I decided I didn't, but that I had to wait for my mother to pass first. I ended up in a relationship with a girl I had known for a long time, and my life had never been more perfect. In all the depression I have faced, I really thought everything was going to be okay. A car that I had just bought two weeks prior broke down on my way to visit her. I remember not being mad. Not being upset in the least, when she picked me up about 50 miles outside of the city. ""It's just part of life, I'm just glad I get to see you."" 
Now it's about a year and a half later, and she's been emotionally abusive for some time now. She cheated on me in December, lied to me about it, and then tried to say it was my fault because I didn't make her feel wanted enough. She eventually admitted everything and I have tried to work through it. I hadn't harassed her about it or made her feel bad for it because I still wanted this all to work.. 
On February 12th I came home from work and she was gone, with a note saying that she didn't see happiness in our future.
We talked through everything and she came back.
She left again last Monday. I have been trying to talk to her about everything. Her mind changes daily. Friday night she was going to come home on Sunday. Yesterday she said she had signed a lease for an apartment.


There have been many times during our relationship that I felt that I was done trying to fix my life. Sometimes I decided not to for my girlfriend, other times I decided not to for my mom.
Now I'm not sure.. Everything about life is so fleeting.. I've never loved a person so much in my life and she's willing to just throw it all away. Evidently it's too much to ask that she shouldn't belittle me and try to make me feel stupid when I don't agree with her or when she does something that hurts me..
The most painful thing isn't that I'm unhappy. It's just that happiness is so close and she's holding it just out of reach.
I'd have to wait for my mother at any rate. But now it seems like I might be counting down the days.",2.8950488870397346,4.032477735177867,4.1082962346577885,89.32500728104851,74.01976284584981,7.69785729144997,22.99958394008737,8.20500826718156,1.001617391304348,1898,49,426,30,38,622,218,506,0.126,0.818,0.056,-0.9918,0,0,1,1,0,0,54.0,4,1,0,5,31,19,4,1,19,1,44,10,2,4,8,81,78,25,0,6,16,4,4,1,1,3,7,3,2,3,27,22,0,4,15,0,1,12,16,11,0,4,33,9,76,8,68,36,13,78,0,3,2,1,46,26,0,10,40,301,103,3,0.0,0.08796450631661057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434253435498203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097406992033428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940615058925048,0.0,0.06975270493304063,0.057087435138410525,0.06198888184933265,0.0905143410985156,0.0,0.06317438509308605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982590089914812,0.0,0.0,0.07853808155933321,0.0639528193455526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047879880867706094,0.0,0.06394443600539898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496958326150891,0.0759752355684575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351214001140443,0.06575628345554947,0.07671172439981812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003429724277325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261679960290324,0.0,0.07128386258573795,0.0,0.0,0.06315011858230271,0.0,0.08140240665182777,0.0,0.0,0.03878832629820565,0.0,0.08438676049817714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580637570561924,0.0,0.0,0.07619360380744791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894134946474266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947748488745085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051705395459444,0.0,0.0,0.1613280738811838,0.0,0.3146354792910586,0.03627084015116407,0.0,0.0,0.06570174146572663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700620949436666,0.0702494768346173,0.09911408379642812,0.15053925908986487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875891902109927,0.07496315070286935,0.08695121098963424,0.0,0.07890738583311176,0.10915267148859224,0.0,0.17177978056633145,0.0,0.0,0.06967098985960454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906519596016184,0.0,0.0,0.07899861150063689,0.0,0.0,0.08039673825675428,0.0,0.0,0.06482515970890064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951225189553412,0.0,0.0,0.15941602352248874,0.08410159527059928,0.06340217330345163,0.07062104406324007,0.1180802706735914,0.0,0.0,0.11832235753393483,0.0675870335429074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715503846458118,0.07342713323832213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928967383294679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997210810972616,0.0,0.0,0.11934564711110796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932301662042665,0.0,0.0,0.05893977231019101,0.3030373250678136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520268691766265,0.0,0.07252354435981899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136938093001302,0.05892976115547379,0.05955237055329569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051216897303402,0.16214695292664638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561869346920356
suicidewatch,PrinceVirginya,2018/03/04,"I dont know if thisis the right place to post this A reddit friend of mine  u/twixsterHELPME is threatening to commit suicide.

I dont know what to do and im scared for her life.

Shes still with us now, but i worried. 

Please can somebody help",1.2170588235294133,3.2038095294117674,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,81.15686274509805,4.864313725490196,20.003921568627447,5.6839178017228535,-0.27563843137254906,190,5,43,1,5,60,42,51,0.18,0.631,0.189,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,6,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424473554668516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879528346007692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511661201638582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499743821509608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543658487701937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634594897636116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417856799829849,0.254030753525442,0.0,0.0,0.22163733855639756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763226171640716,0.0,0.0,0.2316927835512859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848131022252426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531370028346164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27837095786808386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350192496424491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrankyTheG,2018/03/04,"Rob Schneider Depressing Tweet The comedian Rob Schneider posted a very unusual tweet earlier that honestly sounded quite suicidal and depressing, does anyone know if he's okay?",8.300595238095237,12.318337392857142,8.278571428571432,52.33309523809528,67.92857142857143,13.733333333333334,45.04761904761904,11.855464076750405,8.286604761904764,149,10,16,7,3,48,24,28,0.406,0.419,0.175,-0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405414733754481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5925947634214197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30104757526668463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189060221960876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294687917020445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658995397339037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762937373378359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838462633315265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,96LRH,2018/03/04,"All I’m thinking about is ways to kill myself, I’m so fed up of everything, nothing ever gets better. I’ve been on and off depressed for about 10 years now. I’m only 21. People say it gets better but it really doesn’t. It may get a little better but then something else comes a long and it’s back to the beginning. Or even it gets worse. If I’m happy at some point in my life, it’s never for long. I constantly feel alone in this world, in the family I feel like the least favourite, the one everyone ignores, the one no one likes. The only time I’ve ever felt happy is if I have a good friend or friends or a girlfriend. yeah you guessed it, everyone leaves. Everyone finds someone better. People get bored of me. I’m the one that’s constantly easily replaced. I had a really close friend who was a bit more than a friend. I loved her. Then she started speaking to someone else and left me behind, we were so close I don’t know why it was so easy for her to leave. It’s easy for everyone so I may aswell just leave for good. I constantly feel hurt and ways of killing myself. I’m literally so close in doing it, I just need something else, probably not even big and it’ll push me over the edge. My mum has painkillers (codiene) and lots of it and everyday I keep thinking of taking them all. I honestly just don’t want to live anymore, I think it’s a matter of days.

I’ve also tried to get help. I’ve told friends, they just tell me it’ll get better or that I should just stop being silly. I’ve been took in to A&E for suicidal watch, nothing came from it. This was 6 months ago and I’m on the counselling waiting list still. I went to my GP the other day and told her how I felt. All she did was prescribe me more different type of anti depressant. My mum knows but she doesn’t know how to help me. I’m honestly so sick of trying to get better or a better life and nothing ever works. ",1.1515228426395936,3.2373907385786813,2.896677664974621,91.8387728426396,81.96954314720813,6.173502538071066,21.01751269035533,7.365786028017652,0.6283667005076148,1477,44,322,22,40,489,184,394,0.16,0.652,0.189,0.9607,1,1,2,0,0,3,46.0,1,1,2,8,25,29,2,0,19,1,24,5,0,2,7,66,67,31,3,5,16,2,5,2,6,5,3,2,0,0,21,16,1,4,12,0,0,5,7,7,0,4,17,8,37,22,40,44,9,50,0,3,1,1,27,19,0,12,26,198,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587146854156293,0.0,0.0,0.06860106691425001,0.0,0.05296932735496563,0.0,0.07176725020326045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568883729648578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093180134509395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41006578332355903,0.07231313325263422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575694219643872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705690372091669,0.0,0.2147344667984351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085434161645843,0.0,0.11409884868201953,0.0,0.0,0.06920307382979411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599635908610805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749720384710573,0.1797441945368933,0.0,0.25316736328641753,0.05952912023505976,0.0,0.06244190351442906,0.0,0.10047353592938146,0.04731938869849163,0.12719490793465227,0.0,0.060538986437784624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558708853762019,0.0,0.276846815729462,0.0,0.0,0.11111211390391708,0.0,0.0,0.07296700294925143,0.0,0.0,0.14102003102305308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879389676305807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090757295157855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058874069297596164,0.14656180851611744,0.0,0.10920559034013548,0.0,0.0,0.21040475743727166,0.07196618126546883,0.0,0.0935696368708663,0.06471964349842678,0.06638640182070417,0.05848806756115452,0.11723448553069048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056311927299061225,0.05978105239060931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286936456052069,0.0,0.0,0.04911354608732354,0.05108569359553949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906672045134533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953434182160424,0.10075172825573477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184013684655462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626149283134333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141417984748419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486563159007011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052673945450001584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224399012683868,0.10198423025632196,0.0,0.0,0.04688255529783302,0.0,0.05289657666618963,0.0553767031202653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245201079505427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049801625671677265,0.0,0.05789364479460767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732507751079122,0.0,0.0,0.03862305202307323,0.0,0.0,0.12658368164320874,0.07359121954914866,0.08994050899927901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03906802022857932,0.1051509454298455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061401924870501175,0.05976816391105352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822098111519274,0.0,0.06750068057805587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265415225647588
suicidewatch,waitingtolive_,2018/03/04,"I need help I feel so lonely and alone all the time. I dont want to be here anymore, it all just seems so pointless. Not one person truly knows who I am or how I feel and its so exhausting pretending otherwise. But I dont want to burden anyone. I just dont see a way out of this miserable existence and i dont know how much longer I can go on this way. ",0.6264285714285691,2.1234057820512824,3.1275091575091603,92.48653846153849,80.92307692307692,7.021245421245422,20.117216117216124,7.957251820313856,0.6255216117216111,273,7,66,5,7,95,52,78,0.218,0.695,0.087,-0.8448,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,2,21,17,10,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,0,3,9,0,5,16,3,6,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,1,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369927835567214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632545451057115,0.11726828223857293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7862298811567142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696006730875983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531471834556443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241396441698373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843404977767813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328777735016652,0.12435648447741655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364613925558127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643983968299307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364492386899704,0.15267890431920514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779434294640442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784202274788248,0.266244304369366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jbroke95,2018/03/04,"i just don't care anymore I don't have friends that care about me. My family thinks I'm a failure. I went through two therapeutic boarding schools. I am flunking my classes. I have no girls that want to even be around me. I have a horrible reputation at my school because I'm a douche bag and am selfish. I know I should change that behavior, but I can't. Started taking a ton of xanax, which has helped a lot. When I come down from any high or inebriation, all I can think about it is ending my own life. Had a pile of bars in my hand tonight and thought about taking them all as well as my antidepressants but i'm too much of a pussy to do it. Honestly have nowhere or anyone to turn to.",1.8230769230769253,3.671958580419581,3.14055944055944,92.1385314685315,78.58041958041956,6.637762237762238,25.685314685314694,7.61054688173877,1.1387454545454552,539,21,123,8,13,175,91,143,0.126,0.785,0.09,0.0374,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,7,0,16,4,1,0,2,18,32,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,4,1,0,2,4,2,1,1,3,1,20,5,18,27,6,11,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,4,86,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685131583090145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849942288477472,0.13043076001121615,0.0,0.0,0.16605716292274153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137110079743504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803730850358606,0.0,0.19733103749301845,0.16068480336545438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521610126376435,0.0,0.0,0.12320569535256035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585014842476465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411774990358395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503158172771606,0.1970862079732688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251566223574662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175634954811175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585867857365401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712589792320226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775700887482155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203159807181533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805046859000801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390503013551191,0.0,0.14808926050460833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028983054005104,0.18221919821637575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002414675378748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771884682096672,0.17292133958646516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stuckonthisjerk,2018/03/04,"I need help. I can't find it. This is a waste of your time and I should just kill myself. I'm so sorry. How the fuck do I let everything I have been carrying around down? Some days are fine but it's just until I remember how much shit I am carrying around in my mind. Years and years and years of emotional abuse from my ex since I was 18 years old. I was naive and growing up in a very disfunctional household, I thought it just came with the territory. Come to find out, being called a fat cunt and a stupid bitch and that I am worth nothing isn't normal in a relationship. Dating an undiagnosed bi-polar sociopath has completely destroyed me. I feel completely worthless. I am so loved by my family but I - to my core- feel like I am simply not worth it. That they don't know any better. That they don't know how worthless I am.

My ex and I broke up six months ago after five years and during the break up, he said the most harmful things he could possibly say. As if he hadn't already damaged me enough, he topped it. By far.

I was molested by my father a few years ago. I was 20 when it happened. I still haven't healed from that. I feel worthless and disgusting and like I am not worth anything more than a sex object.

When it happened, my ex was there for me and stood by me. He helped me through it a little. He was never very supportive but he did what he was capable of. As a sociopath, that wasn't much. But I knew he was trying.

When we broke up, he just kept repeating ""remember when your dad raped you? Remember?"" He kept calling me disgusting and worthless and fucked up. You know how you get to know someone really really well after knowing them for a long time? How you know what to say to psychologically annihilate them? You could if you wanted to? He wanted to. And he did.

He cut me so deep, I can't recover. I just keep thinking about how fucking gross I am. How stupid I am. How fat I am. I have a healthy BMI and always have but he was so obsessed with me losing weight because he gained fifty pounds while we were together. I developed an eating disorder I am still working on.

A few months before we stopped talking, he told me that the song Waste by Brand New reminded him of us. This is a part of the song: ""I'm hoping that in time, you can lay down All this weight you've been carrying around and maybe one day You'll find your way To climb on up out of your grave With the bits of you you managed to save And for the last time Yeah, you say good-bye""

It just seems so fucked up. He is a HUGE part of why I feel like killing myself every single fucking day. I feel like shit because of him and because of my father. The two most important males in my life completely destroyed my confidence and I can't get it back. I just want to die. I am damaged goods. My life is a nightmare. I am in so much pain. How can I just fucking end this? I am so full of anger and pain and hatred. My life wasn't always like this.",1.0034220580743778,3.220333302980133,2.549562913907284,93.33410239429443,83.51986754966887,5.96857870606215,20.716148751910342,7.260789875918717,0.504733448802853,2281,69,507,34,65,743,249,604,0.245,0.644,0.111,-0.9988,0,0,0,0,1,3,72.0,4,15,4,6,37,50,22,1,26,1,55,22,4,9,2,101,97,52,4,11,17,6,7,5,0,2,8,6,0,1,25,34,5,4,21,2,3,4,13,37,1,4,25,13,87,13,64,66,16,71,0,10,0,9,62,28,10,7,42,340,112,2,0.0,0.0755507989581593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304720271686147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036598453240299,0.0,0.10611475609817572,0.0,0.0,0.043362214920415885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247295412511164,0.1702924326933077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903115490303818,0.0,0.1166111947906122,0.0,0.0542591036695423,0.0,0.0,0.05639473742079625,0.06961458939985997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022187314959835,0.07292988407471465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054927683897783054,0.2005683738934948,0.0,0.0,0.10182192466800996,0.0,0.0,0.12336896113155148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661777408016577,0.0,0.0730799250110411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524725563040543,0.0,0.07172675849345209,0.05647663994958209,0.06588602961067239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053724549961950405,0.0,0.05730764352335153,0.0,0.06011172907300767,0.0,0.1612068613880539,0.13666064517172072,0.0,0.0,0.17483947219490226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536968897115545,0.06662889760402935,0.0,0.0,0.10696568989409523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277391134443973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854803323592491,0.0,0.0,0.06333278196473642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667703743568265,0.1410924912616581,0.0,0.21026062596785366,0.051976779820797785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520377456377552,0.13511678082671244,0.15576117385579372,0.0639090286454167,0.0,0.05642979502223092,0.0,0.07133644211778876,0.0,0.0,0.05755017420590309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406025947864367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438421773934543,0.0,0.10179282628658834,0.0,0.14062327894558,0.04728075234819919,0.04917930428261435,0.06158439052715565,0.0,0.0,0.06247591406125636,0.061183995019049815,0.0,0.06691037616872847,0.0,0.0432086431845691,0.0,0.1357003742845157,0.0,0.0,0.13810201553489124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188517203333815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169866014051191,0.0,0.0,0.06845947557817669,0.2166990863387485,0.0,0.0606548769003851,0.15212485974415602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058049031333156476,0.0,0.0,0.13090719407221832,0.052746858100142915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402766367475279,0.0,0.0,0.0713794143855377,0.0,0.0,0.10184521952354657,0.05331018414825472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235947987338126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051251688715043146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236246491610377,0.040857875522430025,0.0,0.05062208696334222,0.14872694831586367,0.0,0.0,0.060929948862322066,0.0,0.04329207795854382,0.0,0.06228889297622511,0.0,0.0767011401564544,0.0,0.0,0.1052251894268086,0.11283030057803085,0.05061348860055874,0.0,0.15529656838597408,0.05733216588584587,0.0,0.05753776669191624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642149565093362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463744408772809
suicidewatch,legalwmn,2018/03/04,"It's been a while since suicide was at the forefront of my thoughts. It's always been there, in the back of my mind, like an old friend. I'm old now (53). I thought by now that would all be behind me, but now the thought of suicide has pressed it's way back into the forefront. I'm alone. Back in the day, I thought I knew what alone was, but I was wrong. Alone is getting older and knowing that absolutely  no one gives a fuck if you live or die. No parents, no siblings, no husband, no one. They are all gone now. It's just me, walking on the edge of a razor, not really caring anymore if I slip and bleed out. I wish I could care. But that time has passed. I go to work, pay my bills as best I can, and wait for it all to end. But lately I am just tired of waiting. ",1.0477662337662323,2.392962733333338,2.522792207792211,97.96704545454546,79.24242424242425,5.1991341991342015,22.69480519480519,5.288315135182226,-0.1087922077922081,581,18,144,2,14,189,98,165,0.281,0.631,0.08800000000000001,-0.99,1,3,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,1,1,2,10,7,1,0,10,0,14,3,0,0,3,30,32,12,3,5,10,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,0,2,4,6,2,0,2,11,1,17,5,17,18,4,26,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,16,100,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988435375427631,0.0,0.0,0.10681029949419482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730398822684166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29611521708976346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347115722695835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617541695263664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248933012486526,0.0,0.0,0.082785066351862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322302335284308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136936473163015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917479291802343,0.11867174779884615,0.06706562564654249,0.12313979256210085,0.07295301743087834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705462691437106,0.0,0.14480176722465055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271285254130908,0.0,0.11334900373726466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961246545346694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939579680093106,0.0,0.1739674401178204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425345904249905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223416496202579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618518890702924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808218354553836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40763116975537855,0.07485089951946905,0.1475371488992848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189048299503434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761387988935,0.0,0.0,0.0934515431361374,0.0,0.0,0.0911871002129541,0.14034741843498127,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spudzzz1313,2018/03/04,"I don't want to, but I can't handle the emotional pain My heart has been broken so many times. I always think it's ok to trust someone and then they casually denounce their previous feelings for me. I have one friend that lives with my ex from years ago and his childhood friend told me she was catching feelings for me, but after a week we went from spending the night together to her saying she felt nothing for me. I have no one. No one cares, life is boring, I wish I could find a painless death.",4.157949080622348,5.08583297029703,4.641103253182461,87.48702970297029,70.78217821782178,7.355586987270155,27.299858557284303,7.447530270364453,1.3183482319660542,394,13,82,4,7,125,74,101,0.221,0.56,0.22,0.2199,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,2,0,1,8,0,0,4,1,9,3,1,0,0,14,18,6,1,3,2,1,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,1,1,2,4,2,0,3,5,4,20,6,10,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,8,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070093530273348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023296180753946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633708568976546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375079928944854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661437818557072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947374997687012,0.0,0.1848965858923823,0.0,0.1760047172876192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975569000584625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819537365783815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601728781077915,0.0,0.0,0.17004209025500294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952348963624601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071310523177245,0.0,0.18477529605872853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914695256940436,0.0,0.20490715607811136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531387197385372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631632185468705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339053773192026,0.0,0.0,0.11228862179732876,0.0,0.0,0.1840080781971401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358227581799135,0.0,0.15446735905842224,0.0,0.0,0.17851353423061486,0.0,0.0,0.22144502253603796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400822099589195
suicidewatch,lordfreezoo,2018/03/04,"Suicide is starting to seem a realistic option to choose. Today, I attended a funeral. I realized 2 things. Nobody really values another persons life until they are gone and that my life isn’t worth anything. For a long time, I’ve struggled with my family, especially my mother. For context, I have terrible eczema and a condition where I get rashes easily especially when I’m nervous, and my family always makes fun of me for it and it’s caused me to hate my own body and is part of the reason I started harming myself. Not only this but I am always the person my mother takes her anger out on and I don’t know how to deal with it so I bash my head on the wall. I used to be one of the best students in my school, 4.0 GPA and everything, but now I’m struggling in school and can’t even concentrate more than 5 minutes at a time on my school work. My life is falling apart and I’m a disappointment to everyone I know, and maybe it would be better if I killed myself before I disappoint and disgrace my family. ",5.543505747126439,5.564091261083746,7.050849753694582,74.64192323481119,67.42364532019704,10.510509031198687,30.709770114942533,10.317481424215053,3.088934646962233,798,28,153,19,12,276,122,203,0.203,0.718,0.079,-0.9795,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,3,6,13,3,3,10,0,12,6,3,5,0,30,26,18,3,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,7,14,0,0,6,0,1,3,4,10,0,1,1,0,29,3,23,22,4,22,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,3,9,107,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121806673062772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336950179535151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492175481699348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849323173671112,0.0,0.13380353502141198,0.11276351620161283,0.0,0.14162391716281136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309777694456814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144704997817425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421264264661525,0.0,0.0,0.12183185151539065,0.1145889081937401,0.0,0.3605873656961884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666135628791574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258799957892355,0.1308519315630237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106001864672976,0.0,0.1401414894796198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27017136705816464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283361526737973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510733619213758,0.0,0.12809103185815598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863973973216182,0.09696960490823432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807023118172554,0.0,0.0,0.22265641570721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167985709077355,0.1310913831776344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871108579861221,0.0,0.1160713425506698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804905163623552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665816675701598,0.0,0.13946446345358135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958642407187778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470543028268035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486927186210093,0.0,0.12085522833602765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011918758721274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282162337024748,0.0,0.0,0.09057244415816168,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ffsmimi,2018/03/04,"Passive SI I have BPD and struggle with passive SI, but its been so much worse lately. Recent stressors include I'm in school full time and hate my major and recently quit my job after only 1 month without notice because it was too stressful, then got chewed out by my boss. Mental health resources are scarce in my state and it feels like nobody can see me for a consult for at least a month. I can't go to the hospital because I don't have the money to pay for the bill and I can't take the time out of school. It so bad that I don't even leave my bed because I know I won't hurt myself as long as I'm safe and in bed. Just not sure what to do, need some support. ",4.667709790209788,3.9663577552447578,5.4092220279720316,88.11844842657345,69.34965034965036,7.709440559440559,28.36451048951049,5.985473137389443,1.046497202797203,521,15,118,2,8,170,94,143,0.189,0.696,0.115,-0.9414,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,1,2,6,0,12,2,0,1,1,20,23,12,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,6,9,1,1,2,0,3,1,7,5,0,0,3,2,14,4,19,19,5,19,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,1,11,75,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118205021540827,0.28732225404694633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787720399672956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377106764106216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944060407753949,0.11224092358300697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892904334046048,0.0,0.12565690773431668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551156827190057,0.0,0.1670028272365401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819176443351466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559095274990378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634470743979995,0.0,0.17722930467532932,0.16635904048756744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675704145833491,0.0,0.0,0.139039274319311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833205485507218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508107763323112,0.0,0.1154954792309794,0.11649663964178583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887317985237214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949084025644105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710806949766147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31025851118704906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180116885555867,0.1251980111961741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997139247180033,0.16424769124854244,0.0,0.0,0.17828896184638265,0.14807630539357589,0.0,0.11812875472549007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322667092284106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514504685695489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011066370356636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GobtheAlmighty,2018/03/04,"Don't Know How to Treat My Suicidal Ex Back in December my ex told me she was overwhelmed in our relationship and broke up with me.

A month later we started speaking again (platonic friends now, I just needed time to heal since we had been together for 2 years) and she told me her depression is getting worse. I had told her mom the day we broke up but my ex lied and said I was lying so her mom ignored me.

She finally confessed and is now going to therapy, and has gotten a new medication 3 weeks ago.

But now she has started cutting herself and burning herself and has a knife hidden close to her. She said the medication hasn't helped and she's losing weight so fast. All her therapist has said is that the medication csn make her moord fluctuate. But this is insane! She says sometimes she just wants to crash her car while she's driving, or stab her leg with a knife. 

I've never been through this kind of thing. I don't know what to do. Her college coach has already called the cops on her once and the whole team knows she is unstable but she feels so alone and doesn't listen to people when we say it'll get better. I can only listen as she tells me about everything she does to herself. I told her she should think about rehab or one of those places but she says that her sport is the only thing keeping her alive right now. But she's a mess! If she was healthy and recovering in a place with professionals, she wouldn't need the sport so badly. She says she always has the urge to cut. I dont understand how she could have gotten this bad so fast.

I'm just lost and terrified; she had always had 0 sympathy for people who self harm, and now she regrets that because she's suffering a lot and cutting herself. What if she gets to the point of wanting to die? What can I do now to make her understand that she's not worthless, not stupid, not a burden? I don't know what to do and I don't want to abandon her.

I'm not doing this to get back together btw. I understand why she broke up with me and I tell her not to feel guilty for dumping me. I just want her to feel better.",3.5733621081326667,4.682177126760563,4.450106012418598,87.63341435711042,72.33333333333333,7.750295320308949,25.94850825382402,8.155646560271837,1.3940131152506434,1640,52,352,24,31,530,191,426,0.222,0.711,0.067,-0.9974,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,0,0,5,23,27,5,1,17,0,39,7,1,4,2,76,80,36,2,12,19,5,4,0,1,3,5,10,0,1,17,25,1,3,12,4,0,3,14,22,0,1,19,14,76,5,38,57,3,40,1,11,0,0,82,12,0,5,25,244,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433062382503904,0.0,0.0,0.0868464177693116,0.09253386905037382,0.0,0.13954482425495346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895555991537522,0.14002750251482576,0.05111600962817108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483223259733724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562328685936615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694979617138674,0.0,0.0,0.05407824708717867,0.0,0.07222246479068822,0.0,0.08702617382650657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733803241172357,0.0,0.09827508981044436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536166823521627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719578672136456,0.0,0.0,0.0918568612227874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478461868286006,0.0,0.17523892337562294,0.0,0.047655591476053166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620489739094587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453239793470838,0.0,0.08731999435554133,0.1843336602578628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381005662483573,0.09153545335955228,0.07128882076604419,0.0,0.0,0.11194505533905193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25341922280588003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964152369308986,0.06693066344814026,0.0,0.0,0.12435187187288575,0.0646726018646174,0.08098574853255586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930070680300503,0.05682096195845985,0.12754796793488554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626622225185593,0.0,0.1752170725932075,0.0,0.07926818732573318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002673934720734,0.0,0.07161000260718584,0.239290211328552,0.2667330802785827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747696515991771,0.0,0.0,0.06936406692369479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293275969371501,0.0,0.11870316794279183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917215705347423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658243342790428,0.0,0.09589321171725357,0.09735979430010516,0.11141641255350272,0.053729615643024434,0.0,0.0,0.04889535778961645,0.0,0.0,0.3205005342702646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618817862144712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978346844332434,0.0,0.06726181751175772,0.10211036211951806,0.0,0.0,0.07566428870286025,0.09361887833156778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545336929704496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399858184555799
suicidewatch,jjmwaster,2018/03/04,"I am nothing For the past month I have been very suicidal, I was very close to flipping my car on the highway today while going 110 mph. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety, and lately I have been burning and cutting myself. I am nothing but a burden and a waste of space. I am full of guilt for thinking about this selfish act and hurting my friends and family, but I feel that it is my only release. I've been giving away my possessions, I won't need them anymore. I'm 21 years old and I've never been in a relationship because I hate myself and I hate my body- I am ugly inside and out. I have amazing friends and family but I can't help but feel completely alone. Could I pay someone to kill me or is there a painless way I could do it myself? I've been planning to do it in two weeks so I can have time to say goodbye and get my affairs in order. ",2.297839851024208,3.8924374804469295,4.226011173184356,86.01875605214153,76.43016759776536,6.784506517690875,27.0171322160149,7.554174236665415,1.5285214897579151,675,27,138,9,15,230,103,179,0.258,0.633,0.11,-0.9824,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,1,3,12,4,1,6,0,24,1,1,0,1,25,34,18,2,3,5,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,13,0,0,3,0,1,3,3,9,0,1,6,3,28,3,15,25,2,24,0,2,0,0,8,9,0,1,10,100,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257997556175484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270005041683487,0.0,0.14610270131667474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841279225867706,0.0,0.0,0.08980542548799006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364025818102745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446311299084334,0.0,0.0,0.2352474293373639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268872360636028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884246247621773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777619807041802,0.0,0.1489797010093214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276394534007214,0.0,0.07696906600438104,0.1413235876070107,0.08372583659249762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908976876708814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874606334530724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771002164760553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629886980448012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618434066065754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759010049644135,0.0,0.0,0.10923654687647903,0.11362292499190832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827166662141008,0.0,0.1545884547066972,0.0,0.0,0.11204414833868508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063442527154466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816746438510304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171554564821642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482448189846886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114510362247825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439725497407964,0.0,0.0,0.08590397495081477,0.0,0.13964294424012522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391106823706365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431102672131181,0.0,0.11693643703847816,0.11817190318021055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948698001597489
suicidewatch,waygoneforthisshit,2018/03/04,"Each day, a little closer There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about ending it.  That thought used to scare me to be honest. But now, it seems to be a more peaceful thought.  I have uncontrollable anxiety and I am completely unable to manage any kind of stress.  Most people in my life now are constantly on me about finances, deadlines and will try and dictate how I should prioritize my time throughout the day on my job and at my home.  My wife has OCD and continuously force feeds me whatever is on her mind at that moment in time and cannot control herself even when it visibly upsets me.  It can be anything from organization to finances and everything in between.

I am a simple man with simple pleasures and used to live my life full of adventure.  Now, my adventures are working a management job I feel stuck in and raising a beautiful 2 year old daughter in a state of despair. I have no passion anymore and no lust for life. It’s like a terrible dream. And the real truth is, I do not like myself.  Looking for a way to dig myself out of this because at this point, I’d rather end the pain.   

Reading this makes me sick to my stomach because my life could be so much worse. I know it’s all relative, but hell..  I can’t fucking stand it.  I’ve reached out before for help and was thrown into a  number of medications that just dug the hole deeper. Anyway - seeking advice from alternative sources because I’m afraid of what my future holds. Peace to you all..",4.372440270225738,5.670386764705883,5.251883341571921,81.92064590542103,70.62629757785467,7.996111385730764,30.02488054045148,8.418075326091056,2.1946409952216186,1161,47,225,18,21,379,169,289,0.083,0.805,0.112,0.8504,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,13,19,2,5,14,0,22,12,1,5,3,43,35,17,0,3,6,2,1,2,0,2,7,0,1,1,16,17,1,2,6,2,2,0,7,10,0,0,4,2,30,9,39,24,7,38,1,1,1,3,7,18,2,2,19,157,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434983672356152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653617953512373,0.0,0.0973479445311346,0.0,0.1262004551996191,0.0,0.0,0.10471810508856316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327161402323707,0.0,0.10828264988723434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334220038050032,0.13751492933619933,0.14272469033995025,0.10160090265054944,0.0,0.0,0.2462023351236885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254161907175337,0.0,0.0,0.08404918863428675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436649483365585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434277365662132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764304323963864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529478258131239,0.0,0.1276448039348467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525572798764166,0.0,0.0,0.13251407402724166,0.06993473969336303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595292975781785,0.12433845392930225,0.12754060619194268,0.11236643931827757,0.0,0.10686019371115472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494214560860999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819367774307594,0.0,0.0,0.12848892142032342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354535460566814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353027135552556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354058132595468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822097903269299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202949052025548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728710675501284,0.14484139804194074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740212245338636,0.0,0.0,0.11584605183350424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576750397287105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153837293878786,0.0,0.20204881203335048,0.1484041108692656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639621010008106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198108996201666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100724661956176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264145960511808,0.0,0.12968134261207984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194654757893081
suicidewatch,kathrikat,2018/03/04,"it hurts a bit a year ago and a half ago I was raped. I have to see her at school everyday. I cant come out about it. I have ptsd, cptsd, bpd, psychosis, severe depression and severe anxiety. only just started 20mg of Prozac to maybe help with that. suffering from an eating disorder. suffering from addiction. suffering from a crazy family that will never accept me. will maybe see a therapist soon. my love is 4,000 miles away. not really feeling life anymore. kill myself tonight. kill myself tomorrow. it'll work.",1.9670089285714283,4.812502635416667,3.309285714285714,83.55000000000003,90.35416666666666,7.742857142857144,22.482142857142854,8.418075326091056,2.2643267857142857,407,15,72,12,14,132,72,96,0.383,0.5589999999999999,0.058,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,0,6,0,8,6,0,0,1,10,14,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,3,9,2,11,10,1,14,0,5,2,2,3,4,0,0,9,45,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065855989964082,0.0,0.0,0.2775376758769809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975748104778647,0.0,0.15525185143438447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470803897991304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090800024090896,0.0,0.1971645682790525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348507646710872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483308757972856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179415607404527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018593339605924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757790709474064,0.0,0.07915450638282763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492967630343382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675860379711758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463905445456296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057327211226343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412891359676198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145435730295566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073814728551276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906050548830174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829942321211031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028756003123562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584332000233616,0.2494942452016619,0.0,0.0,0.3537054902993877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080426765831762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817623049788653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396756137312042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081067623853772
suicidewatch,andrewabdullah12,2018/03/04,"Seeing her with someone else is making me do it I went to a party and the girl that I had liked is with someone else, honestly I have no real friends that I can talk to. I just sit in my room and stare at my wall while my parents scream at each other. Hope these pills work",1.3940677966101729,2.819399593220343,2.812000000000001,95.91901694915256,78.4915254237288,5.397966101694917,20.274576271186444,5.6839178017228535,-0.24610779661016924,212,5,50,1,5,69,45,59,0.075,0.703,0.222,0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,9,10,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,10,4,7,8,1,8,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,2,36,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461088948781062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213220166173511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27410874345744074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482906741358802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184217672242088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064412655846008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31412374858672565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991899076489352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676710715178618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218209205080328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558346684307713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091550453882576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,btfokook,2018/03/04,"When Suicide Shouldn't Be Prevented When the pain overrides all the joy of a person, when no one really cares about the suicidal anymore, when the existence of them becomes a burden instead of a joy, when there is legitimately no hope for recovery, suicide prevention becomes bullshit, killing themselves would be a better option. But of course, do it in a civilised and least painful way to reduce anymore suffering the person will go through. No?

",10.239615384615384,10.045821551282053,8.958589743589744,65.56557692307696,57.84615384615386,11.902564102564106,46.42307692307693,11.20814326018867,5.598092307692308,363,21,54,8,4,112,55,78,0.34600000000000003,0.483,0.171,-0.9616,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,1,0,10,0,7,2,0,0,1,9,10,7,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,5,9,5,2,8,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,43,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34259028358035004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815187191541321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275975860179927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610295721173114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816265490894156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155324994820986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109278535012147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704180574749913,0.0,0.3675796247298803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30163071763179217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065099486173677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5667939016536405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709974820744728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226977055312668,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tval2468,2018/03/04,"Life is Hell I’m going to die very soon, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. I’m going out with a bang.",0.8303846153846166,1.5981374230769276,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,78.61538461538461,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.4706307692307692,87,2,22,0,2,30,23,26,0.298,0.7020000000000001,0.0,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909114791029892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376469140347632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33410216146078275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538674957528815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902842009613668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Christopherwelcomes,2018/03/04,"Thought giving it time would help. Tried taking my life a couple of months ago, didn’t work. Next day came to the idea that maybe if I stick it out for a while something even minor could change to fix my perspective on life. Nothing changed, I’m stuck in an endless loop of this I’ve realized, so tonight I’m going for it again. See you guys.",2.5031904761904755,4.2585708428571465,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,76.28571428571428,5.80952380952381,23.095238095238088,6.42735559955562,0.30795238095238103,269,8,60,2,6,82,58,70,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.7041,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,12,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,4,0,9,6,0,13,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,8,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841003152760816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375364330744372,0.0,0.0,0.4394066077162633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581965747837213,0.2297996193171393,0.0,0.1339397118711348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371740536460396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992304779407612,0.11803223172269575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564090693286172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392069485934725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344512049131841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29338826438827353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864760353644454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577227000601544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208754661383887,0.0,0.0,0.19927946029888285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654981402292689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988614100944806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615335281991674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487877534177098,0.12110285534254997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100455401955467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151197230529074,0.0,0.0,0.1475335403728001,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rachelnessxo,2018/03/04,"Does anyone else wish... That they just won’t wake up in the morning? I have a friend who died in early January and ever since then, I’ve been more “loose” with my Xanax/alcohol usage. I don’t start out by drinking and wanting to die but by the end... it’s a prayer that i go to bed with. I pretend to be positive all day... until the night when I pray to not wake up. Except I know it will destroy my mom, so I make sure I’m careful.

But what if I was happier gone?",0.5961606160616064,2.054859683168321,2.9233003300330047,94.09196919691972,80.88118811881188,6.073047304730473,21.123212321232124,6.937597516519254,0.2998704070407037,352,10,85,4,9,121,75,101,0.12,0.691,0.188,0.8512,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,7,3,2,1,3,18,16,9,2,3,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,0,11,3,15,10,2,16,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,9,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381685560792371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582823432886064,0.22834544007830784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272196613063615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372565504290838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625850323487332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502546253040653,0.0,0.0,0.21831703245143724,0.0,0.0,0.18617014540615034,0.0,0.19738697635754565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158877590493648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218035454974434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665593783598952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247750941477704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487601510222996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610098339799409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913812803183848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843513148452587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577407875364641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004202371745395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144804584982714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562769170268937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Will_1871,2018/03/04,"I have no one to hug, no one to see, no one to talk to, nothing to get out of bed for I’m getting back into the phase where I’m constantly depressed, I hate waking up, I don’t want to live anymore. I just want someone to give a shit about me",3.4937575757575767,2.25611861818182,5.290909090909093,89.78303030303032,71.9090909090909,8.06060606060606,29.24242424242424,6.42735559955562,1.1626969696969691,184,6,47,1,3,64,38,55,0.282,0.624,0.094,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,11,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,1,5,1,13,11,0,6,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,0,2,31,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423295997632393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878901125844363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640556068898545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045834781459435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553256413591479,0.2344028420643812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412450953680316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576557884634875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344604718209998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967337715351083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471536095820052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508218242154609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070370120915578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963993216528384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28824799144497104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iffydecisions,2018/03/04,"How am I supposed to care about college when I don't care about being alive? My girlfriend dumped me. I loved this girl more than anything in the world. Felt things I didn't know existed. She left me and I'm am literally falling apart. To make things even better, I live three doors down from her. She is the most beautiful and interesting person I have ever met. This probably sounds like the same story told a thousand times but I'm tired of waking up each day to feel like a thrown away piece of trash",2.4571000000000005,4.8186705100000005,2.942,91.781,78.9,6.0,21.0,7.1686216300943375,0.4771000000000001,401,11,83,5,10,124,76,100,0.068,0.738,0.194,0.8744,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,5,0,7,3,1,2,1,12,18,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,3,12,7,13,13,5,12,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,6,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130969740713804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070037265186551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948606276814574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492745091106027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209217799365376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552338342744062,0.1992976704044624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114035515840526,0.15740108808861047,0.2115477128816236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108552271192168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393850712853366,0.0,0.0,0.2152805137079901,0.0,0.1945520795499909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885300618146148,0.0,0.1470694557009526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238034775556126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23754891857485136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927498870006848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284739845747103,0.2532325665231753,0.0,0.21053113504759252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thiccthixx6,2018/03/04,"I went to the ER and no one cared. So... I feel like an idiot.

I've been going through a really hard time and no one I care about cares about me. I had three severe panic attacks on Tuesday and my boyfriend and sister calmed me down. My mom just shooked her head at me in disgust.

I went to a St. Patty's day celebration in my town for this weekend... We had a good time. Until I got punched in the jaw by my sister twice. I admit I was intoxicated and so was she but I was only trying to help her find her pocket book. I had a severe panic attack in public after this altercation.

I then called my mom to pick me up and she was freaking out and telling me to grow up. Im so sorry your daughter punched me super hard in the jaw twice in a row for no reason. I was upset... I smacked my head really hard in to the wall next to me. I fell to the ground and passed out. Someone called the ambulance.

I went to the ambulance and was apologizing... Constantly calling my bf and my mom. My mom was the only one who came for me. The doctor said I was fine after not even checking me. She discharged me after a two second review of just talk. 

Afterwards I admitted to my mom and bf that I wanted to die and I was trying to kill myself. They laughed at me and told me to shut up. The whole way after I told them how I tried to kill myself and how I'm in need of help.

They keep telling me to shut up and how stupid I am because I drank. They don't see that I'm hurting no matter how hard I tell them. My boyfriend keeps pushing my buttons and have me another panic attack which my mom told me up shut up and go away and took him in the house with her. He was rocking the car back and forth for no reason I asked him to stop and he continued even worse... She doesn't believe me. 

My jaw and head hurt and no one f+++ing cares... I feel so done. I wish my dad was here and I keep saying that but he killed himself three years ago. Great.

I have no one. Please talk me down. I told him I'm breaking up with him regardless of how much alcohol I've had. I just can't. I have no hope in love or life. Not even family.",0.5058804563492068,2.3973479263392896,2.5158809523809538,94.75689682539681,83.12946428571429,5.410793650793651,19.33055555555556,6.5355237356304725,-0.05518557539682512,1613,42,377,16,45,540,195,448,0.211,0.685,0.103,-0.9954,0,0,1,0,0,2,56.0,1,1,5,1,20,30,9,5,19,0,24,12,6,8,0,60,59,37,4,5,8,10,6,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,7,29,2,4,7,3,1,13,13,17,1,11,29,9,86,13,59,30,2,65,0,2,1,1,58,31,0,2,20,262,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573564054071235,0.06719515371792563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593080295992783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878042499158745,0.21459104320674588,0.05907392364318707,0.048347641680551126,0.0,0.038328529910058765,0.0,0.0,0.07083954307157357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260979496987665,0.07191321334407218,0.2564244469641303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794644853871172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04054971673340765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525519755417136,0.0,0.0,0.06435608893281021,0.0,0.0643438167602623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458670264734785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927374837014208,0.0,0.06358383020957929,0.04491851434502162,0.0,0.0,0.05746738082492135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146758037484936,0.05273727344725683,0.050287554952634934,0.0693208381728918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22529761872126886,0.0,0.19358626182631475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428870353578619,0.0,0.0,0.062449898541423375,0.0,0.07255028021100852,0.13461977935051708,0.0,0.06791669929729356,0.0,0.0,0.16766081297949026,0.20868841122011528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441106691828891,0.030717960595520493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674790256649425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418365599110589,0.0,0.0,0.04622097872159107,0.0466216404128789,0.0,0.0,0.06686917166051654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303149011292088,0.09563982281717856,0.0,0.22131376095651964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901879364995572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055974928728099,0.12929367580524376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059809324507182765,0.050001393496028036,0.0,0.0,0.05010390579800023,0.0,0.0,0.14206360993915193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327449719162985,0.0,0.0,0.07038435780075236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256701960663601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107444078844288,0.1648687727621721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332681862824796,0.0,0.0,0.240322247439235,0.06985737436399805,0.12806570905082634,0.0,0.061420561768291575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708580088070693,0.04990791703564061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485960738090414,0.0,0.07019863256892565,0.07230411569631813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407585499811783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048998101423744
suicidewatch,Tased_andConfused,2018/03/04,"Thoughts about ending it won't stop coming My family came up to visit me at university and it made everything worse. It has been the worst during the past few months. Every time I get near a high ledge I think about the fact that I could just jump and be done with everything. I scared for my future. I don't understand how my family doesn't know that i'm trans yet, but i'm terrified they will reject me. Even if they accept me I don't want to live a life of fear and never knowing whether or not people will accept me. I'm so worried about my future and I feel like everything is falling apart. Even in school i'm only barely passing classes which require countless hours of work from me. I can't stop thinking about death. I know just about how much of my medication it would take to kill me. I've looked it up multiple times. The fact that i've taken time to absorb that knowledge is scary. I drop hints to my friends often that I want to die, but they never seem to see through my fake smile. Or maybe they are waiting for me to ask for help. But I don't know how. Everyone has their own struggles and I don't want to push mine on anyone else and make their lives more difficult. I just want to be done with all of this bullshit.",2.9997244094488167,4.439783106299213,3.8110314960629954,90.35946062992129,74.23622047244095,6.969763779527558,22.936220472440944,7.554174236665415,0.7738337007874017,975,26,211,12,20,311,142,254,0.247,0.6679999999999999,0.084,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,6,2,17,12,1,3,6,0,21,2,0,5,5,55,50,17,3,7,11,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,12,10,0,4,13,0,0,7,10,8,0,0,7,3,35,4,32,36,6,30,0,1,2,0,10,8,0,5,15,139,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127166894135263,0.11909276319685935,0.0,0.0,0.10866063087212187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293771066008322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012302421530438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280128257506533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062980039589727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378900704746841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709638621895024,0.0,0.10294648505103383,0.0,0.0,0.15353943323678204,0.0,0.09792993323379136,0.11106404480356677,0.3133837533121695,0.0,0.21914516245763208,0.1307925934620678,0.058770067627340064,0.08303570631323348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980005987643956,0.0,0.060726087965603436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790743009175741,0.12280481265257268,0.0,0.0,0.11446447589327427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859277796490873,0.0,0.2555108614504941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209764644838727,0.0567847710847947,0.0,0.20526883945106397,0.0,0.09760506820223078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998092253322966,0.0775853348888956,0.0,0.11677002298066667,0.0,0.0,0.11709086634288594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927747620872078,0.0,0.08544342284244806,0.0,0.17928957946754995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839918633881864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095598431122708,0.080580189650683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636786739114507,0.11763234091506992,0.09262134484307068,0.10581266416877208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434924175324544,0.0,0.12151025328167785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873915170279197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895272365501158,0.0,0.0922747161211457,0.20332632095969225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210009441579086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27422506868041474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461781388449673,0.11803858738097132,0.11844968505693095,0.08256742281126582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway7864351,2018/03/04,I have to I can't stop thinking I have to.  I think I'm a burden. My goal is to fall in love and start a family but I don't think it'll happen.  She'll leave like the last. What's wrong with me.,-2.7820567375886505,-1.1877312978723396,0.5203191489361707,105.28416666666668,96.02127659574468,3.9843971631205686,9.960992907801419,5.46131890053228,-1.8693092198581562,147,1,43,1,6,52,35,47,0.173,0.6559999999999999,0.171,-0.0274,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,14,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,12,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,25,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895503750860419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27160862641335376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503653833447049,0.0,0.32522378406658525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500562602649841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721169869107753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739986623474367,0.0,0.0,0.25678821844045785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5904212055705466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358164697471847,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Changemymind_Please,2018/03/04,"I live beneath a lethal-height cliff. Fresh throwaway because I forgot my old general purpose one. I look forward to being shadowbanned and/or not having my post show up because it's a new account on a disposable e-mail. Woo.  
  
I live in a city beneath a cliff tall enough in some places to ensure a death should I jump. I want to and I don't want to. I go to college here. School is going okay and the major is something interesting that will lead to a great career after I get the degree and the lab experience. I'll be 19 this month. I don't want to put too much identifying information lest someone I know read this. That would *really* make me want to kill myself.  
  
I want to die for petty reasons. There are about four absolutely excellent people in my life that make me not want to die. One of those people is also a reason. I'll bullet point.  
* I'm alone.  
* College is too much AND not enough.  
* The aforementioned one of four is someone I'd like as a partner. I get mixed messages and anxiety takes over.    
  
  
I returned from visiting this person recently. It was a good trip. I had a good time and saw some beautiful places, and spent some time with this person. Not as much as expected because of complications, but some. Better than none as they're quite a distance away (met through college).  
The whole seven hour drive back home I was either crying or on the verge of tears. I have different sets of music I can load into my car and was listening to really upbeat, lyric free electronic music. I can't listen to any of that now without feeling wrong because I've subconsciously (and consciously, I guess) associated it with leaving this person. I went from smiling to a depressive state minutes after the last time I saw this person on the trip. I haven't been seriously depressed since June '17. I'm also angry, but I don't really act out on anger - it just tempts me. Please don't tell me that since I've made it through this kind of feeling before I can do it again. I know I can, but thinking that what I'm feeling as inconsequential makes it feel more consequential, making me more angry and depressed, in a crushing way. Also please don't tell me that I should ditch this person. This is the twisted way I feel on the rare occasion I'm ever attracted to somebody.  
  
  
I want time to process all of this as I'm generally stoic and self-aware. Unfortunately, there are classes on Monday and I have to do a presentation, leaving no time for introspection. The professor leaves no room for excuses/moving dates because of the nature of the class, save for sports/scheduled foreign travel or absolute medical emergencies.  
  
This is all just ""too much"" for me right now and I want it to stop. It won't though.",2.9074491600353696,5.36820448850575,4.193965517241382,82.8735477453581,77.8697318007663,7.080518715001474,25.172561155319773,8.139509932561175,1.7433349837901564,2141,79,400,40,52,702,258,522,0.109,0.757,0.134,0.7042,1,1,1,0,0,3,68.0,0,0,0,4,18,19,2,0,28,1,36,2,0,8,3,73,77,28,4,12,13,0,5,1,1,5,2,2,2,6,29,17,0,2,12,3,3,14,16,7,0,6,12,10,44,13,66,58,18,67,0,3,3,0,14,25,0,7,26,267,73,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405950370198662,0.0,0.1715519424897726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862709197835495,0.0,0.054702524170227806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718301443517352,0.05498433333377657,0.0,0.2179494791796712,0.0,0.060847039978109675,0.0,0.0,0.0632419743476963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785468877916774,0.0,0.0,0.1847661666163495,0.0,0.14842558641379835,0.07470941099054368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777132708035828,0.0,0.0,0.06468201559875204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994739435862153,0.0,0.0,0.18077999222701213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471872777149305,0.0,0.08127795121535268,0.11995306168180565,0.0,0.07883652522824804,0.07877282771414801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172717416973035,0.0,0.07041981708603218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911170546324675,0.07446335279377322,0.07859656013982387,0.058287604951070986,0.0,0.22714620359795584,0.0,0.0,0.050507384068045794,0.03493462195897245,0.0,0.1262836702374259,0.0,0.060047722193560076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766148525385578,0.1909254394884486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203560166561304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707606421465479,0.0,0.21026297148749676,0.0,0.0,0.06906173561685319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503438240492638,0.0,0.14536462241969414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914765557918044,0.3121850001850282,0.14941882198108736,0.1569860379713581,0.06759706115102829,0.0,0.06848377049552909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188410782364958,0.0,0.07605630862366408,0.0715261741514996,0.0,0.13742730630062558,0.14704184777816295,0.07060436144973525,0.0,0.0,0.06106643646803569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236872283733346,0.0,0.0,0.07459721185401329,0.0,0.0,0.11830236647792924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117499881911625,0.05504944615258909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059782906217267534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376423205497397,0.0,0.12500023086658785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045818685109047616,0.07025509092026605,0.0,0.20848101880545555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374126169045621,0.11351757607594018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628754167832614,0.0,0.07983481465855674,0.0,0.06893002602058868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079639570494957,0.0781814860472849,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicideThrowaway5151,2018/03/04,"tomorrow will be probably my last day Hello everyone, 

I'll write this and go sleep (hopefully), I am a North African 23 years old studying abroad, for the last 5 years i have been completely alone, no family near me, no friends, I have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for the last 18 months, i have been drinking almost every night, to the point that i can't sleep if I'm not drunk enough, i financial problems, i have problems in my studies, i am alone, the highlight of my day is when i talk to my family, i cry literally everyday, i feel this big ball of heat in my chest every day, i feel like i was thrown away in this country with absolutely nobody that cares about me, not even a little, loneliness is killing me, i can't take this anymore, if it wasn't for my family i would have killed myself months ago, but i can't take this anymore, i am doing it tomorrow, i made this throwaway account just to write this, i don't expect anyone to convince me not to do it, i just want to get this out of my chest before i sleep. I hate myself, my life, and i didn't ask to be born, this is going to stop, i can't, i just can't.",11.02858974358974,5.450690641025645,10.743995726495733,70.1308653846154,61.39316239316239,14.60598290598291,41.64316239316239,11.45678717892309,4.3596598290598285,886,29,191,17,8,296,118,234,0.15,0.7829999999999999,0.066,-0.9484,0,2,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,3,0,6,0,29,8,5,1,0,27,43,7,2,8,9,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,14,5,2,1,2,3,1,2,13,7,0,0,7,2,39,5,23,32,1,31,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,4,20,128,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098227933434992,0.0,0.11096196435575577,0.229535114996244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847706880842981,0.0,0.21979096683241814,0.07748215451398234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035940309887824,0.0,0.10411129006632956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429264051483116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129799678587102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618401521070243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172150784596815,0.21439324124322912,0.0,0.0954420008726067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855333190606163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449816316291275,0.0,0.0731901180633219,0.0,0.18672736310706575,0.1058853791550376,0.0,0.0,0.3133903774780426,0.0,0.1120595041301478,0.07916393880606011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561288583518725,0.0,0.05789456759127136,0.0,0.1259537462872212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940366510389893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006107434018084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24519357413096216,0.0,0.0,0.2709791067288944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826961855475792,0.05413702541790022,0.1110624882492674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485276043069032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689776879631405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398932401897036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627829470267513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475292453447273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947381229613012,0.2120637651953028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518574008712138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326753411199001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264358770623303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663329580336034,0.08906628994865512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535964321846276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871749030649762,0.0,0.0,0.14271827223176548
suicidewatch,M4TTH3W5,2018/03/04,"I feel really hopeless. Well... I've been dramatic enough today. Let's cut it out.

Idk wtf happened, apparently my mom's boyfriend was playing a prank on me and kept opening and closing his car's window. Then, I thought it was my arm rubbing against the button and pressing it. He went to question me about it, presumably part of the prank, and crashed his car. Not anything serious, maybe just a polish will get it fine again, but I can't know. That was the cherry on the cake. Before that, I felt so excluded, like getting into conversations feels like trying to pierce a titanium slab with a stick. 

I wanna jump off a cliff, to be honest. My last words: ""fuck this, I'm outta here. See y'all in hell."" Like, would anyone miss me? No one here would, because for all you know I could be an absolute scumbag. Which... Well, not gonna deny it...

People tell me I'm a diamond in the mud. I'm not. I am the mud. That's what I am. If everything has gone to shit, I'll just be another maggot in the pile. I'm either gonna grow up and live under a bridge, grow up and live in a hotel with beer cans stacked to the walls, or just end it while I still am naive or innocent enough. 

I have a knife hidden in m... Well, it's not a knife, it's a broken blade. But still, it's hidden there. Been like 1 month since I used it. I still feel the burns, get flashbacks to it. Everything just adds into the pile. Everything is recorded and replayed at random. It's starting to drive me insane, and I'm laughing along. Until eventually I walk outta this place and hang myself from a broken lamppost outside. I've seen 2 car crashes, an arrest and a fight on my way home and man... This is grim. And it's not gonna get any better. So seriously man, fuck this shit. I legitimately see no reason to stay back and struggle on. Actually, there is one, and that's finishing a game. It's an actual fucking game that's keeping me together for now. That's depressing as shit, and I'm laughing with a mindless grin at it. 

Also, my bad self esteem forces me to say this: sorry to have been an edgelord through this. And I'm sorry if it looks like I'm trying to play the victim card here. I'm really not. Sorry if I missed any details, I wrote this as a kinda mindstorm. (I probably exceeded my sorry quota for a long time with that...)

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suicidewatch,bff1187,2018/03/04,"Like that song ""Without You"" Written by the band Badfinger (1970), of whom two members killed themselves...
Covered by Harry Nillson (1971)
Covered by Mariah Carey (1993)

""I can't live. I can't give anymore."" ",3.8724999999999987,6.881062361111113,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,78.16666666666667,3.6,34.0,3.1291,1.6014666666666666,159,9,25,0,4,47,30,36,0.118,0.816,0.066,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,3,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038756211455264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39066458876473503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505540354101026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895835650330893,0.0,0.3596030252331247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39781723096263377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925677142547223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,honeybunchh,2018/03/04,i don’t know how i’m going to get through the night or /if/ i’m going to get through the night ,-2.2379710144927536,-0.4865872608695643,0.2260869565217387,107.0968115942029,95.52173913043478,3.066666666666667,16.36231884057971,3.1291,-1.450959420289855,75,2,21,0,3,25,14,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193626395436065,0.0,0.4561766129451013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056358494275344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7532526663438737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justarandondude,2018/03/04,"Everyone tried to hurt me, but now they will not have the chance anymore. 7 years ago I broke up with my girlfriend, it destroyed me inside. Our relationship time, the way it ended and knowing that she already had someone else, made me believe that my life was over, and if I was dead inside, I should end the shell. This was my first suicide attempt.

After that I did therapy, met new people and tried to ""live"" again. But every time, every person with whom I tried relationship betrayed me somehow. With each new lie discovered and the end of what I wanted it to work, I kept closing and accepting that people exist only to hurt me, just to make me suffer, only to attack me when I was weak. With that, time made me create ""laws"" that governed my life, laws that until now have only proved correct.

I gave up on people, I gave up on myself.

I do not get bored when someone hurts me, I disappoint myself, because once again I let this happen, knowing what the final result would be. I did not want to be alone, I did not want to give up on people, but I did not find another exit, and I'm not happy with that choice.

People keep telling me, ""You'll find someone ..."" or ""you have to open up more ..."", ""do not be so picky ..."". Every time, I know that if I give a person a chance to get closer to me, she'll hurt me because every time that's what happens. But deep inside, I hope and believe that this time will be different, this time I will be able to relax, so I surrender to the person and she stabs me in the back. Always.

I had one last experience today, but that was definitely the last one. People will no longer have the chance to hurt me, because I will not be here anymore.

I've reached the point I never wanted to reach, I'm exhausted, I just cannot take it anymore. Every day when I woke up, I truly want something to happen and I die in the process, because that would be the easy way. I started to walk in dangerous places hoping that I would be the chosen one at night, and I made bad decisions by simply not caring what might happen to me.

I just do not want to live anymore. I have not felt anything in a long time. But now I will not feel anything.

I do not know why I wrote all this here, but I've never been so calm in my whole life.
",4.946306107431936,4.890775845474618,5.6968211920529805,84.10224429727742,68.69094922737307,8.03561442236939,27.373804267844005,7.3871296695380915,1.353820603384842,1730,48,359,15,27,566,186,453,0.213,0.716,0.071,-0.9973,1,1,1,0,0,3,78.0,1,2,1,3,18,22,3,0,16,0,44,5,0,5,5,83,82,27,3,14,26,0,2,0,1,13,5,0,0,3,28,18,0,2,11,1,0,1,17,15,0,4,22,2,65,7,44,38,4,63,0,8,0,0,21,23,0,7,37,257,93,2,0.06169387510807165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468789788788676,0.0,0.0,0.0638962487127273,0.06808072529714533,0.0,0.051334246283207416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469140723887754,0.0,0.0,0.24473498587377,0.0,0.0,0.1015376051102184,0.0,0.0,0.0701856893524192,0.0,0.047438781822463735,0.051511808760355014,0.1504320545761376,0.0,0.0,0.13901574146592766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290101735391737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039787445637760106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402850215545026,0.06445696861596831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153731626764698,0.0,0.16392738490041464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25989875306782684,0.058951141498697686,0.0,0.060348447982183924,0.0,0.0,0.031194276948178407,0.0,0.0592357949953164,0.06758262460810101,0.11277416833998526,0.05247677865059505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446500684635043,0.11836477322094813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182227600436654,0.06567427724548844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255187673128334,0.0,0.0,0.3302228464313273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054836350858387714,0.0,0.0,0.135621361300705,0.10057748476980198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630861671859251,0.13072862548042666,0.0,0.0,0.10895364400923134,0.0545971380776121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512870896825605,0.04118114069542917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544745208742346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516423958020763,0.119168658036489,0.0,0.057895522531210476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657019635198291,0.12541609926979996,0.14076291615651887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566245900997524,0.16160613630202025,0.06445696861596831,0.0,0.058320653199836085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247226715568028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681906052463174,0.047494959148225636,0.0,0.0,0.04366724233812565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748308604711156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638611618377952,0.0,0.05392316611207304,0.0,0.07055232286060954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877935576361434,0.0,0.058478579926978774,0.0,0.0,0.12565827451817949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183318758315661,0.09793945289454654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566912641661032,0.06887900834286567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491387584918243,0.0,0.0,0.13147667637907104,0.0,0.0,0.039728832856449126
suicidewatch,AberdeenCreep,2018/03/04,"My relationship is failing and I have no one to talk to I mentioned wanting to commit suicide to my therapist and she suggested I go to the hospital, so now I can’t trust talking to her about anything. My relationship is falling apart and I can’t handle it. I have so much stress with school on top of everything. I can’t do this anymore. Suicide isn’t selfish, but letting a person suffer is. ",2.3453846153846167,4.759389884615388,4.399679487179489,80.88490384615386,79.64102564102564,6.976923076923077,31.544871794871803,8.07648339933343,2.6808410256410253,313,17,57,6,8,107,51,78,0.243,0.69,0.066,-0.9202,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,11,0,0,0,1,7,13,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,12,1,10,12,1,6,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,47,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332626839974614,0.0,0.0,0.17701301122171445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933224213354207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224907635493502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995934231254186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812685772482402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145760652672019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782130875009564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618843410210496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769765087728216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640194543903365,0.0,0.0,0.4705797129946741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457863541670172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497533774871963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687444796004166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lumaere,2018/03/04,"Deep desire to suicide after seeing my Therapist I'm living in a country where suicide is considered a crime. So no such thing as hotline or any form of proper services would be available. 

If I were to cover what caused me to do this, it would be insanely long. But I am seeing a therapist with little money I have left just to let it all out before this all ends.",4.451917808219179,5.369890356164387,5.783452054794522,79.60230136986304,70.0958904109589,8.031780821917808,28.298630136986297,8.238735603445708,2.028996712328767,288,10,53,4,5,97,57,73,0.191,0.775,0.034,-0.923,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,2,12,13,5,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,10,7,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,2,3,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180295125286627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743791563225178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142108040527603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846896943893349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265611063745521,0.2132291370018712,0.0,0.0,0.2089950637959049,0.18412983797881374,0.18453650228506133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323320434790141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456181151650594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842230985508898,0.13853357256944995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962578484922161,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,girl12355,2018/03/04,My parents make me want to kill myself. Today has been a particularly bad day as my stepdad is being an extra prick and my mom is still taking his side. I'm scared about going off to university next year as I don't know if I'll be able to get a loan due to my stepdad's yearly income. He's not going to give me the money and I don't know how I'm gonna move out next year. My wrists burn and I really don't want to wake up tomorrow.,2.9813605442176865,2.667215979591837,5.46979591836735,84.93829931972793,72.87755102040815,8.165986394557821,22.455782312925173,7.793537801064563,0.7370557823129249,338,6,81,4,6,122,66,98,0.146,0.826,0.028,-0.9216,2,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,4,0,9,3,3,2,0,12,22,7,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,12,0,12,18,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,10,45,12,0,0.20255796728962205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912744183488834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306331316992698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582817763703656,0.19431205950617533,0.2302367215217604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410037934633045,0.0,0.22264112294777907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520901605421612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372334431659181,0.0,0.2152870629328245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308453923650997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249166515558451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976382063891614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027958617800096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176305433228527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229838275173155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200126850911248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389478744067744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913220694320729
suicidewatch,ActivatedLoser,2018/03/04,"Wanted to kill myself yesterday I've been planning a meeting with my parents about how bad my depression has gotten and that hiding myself away from people is impacting me heavily. Did something like this last year but it backfired. 

Mom got an email from my therapist about the meeting and instantly confronted me about it. She said if I was going to be blindsiding her like last time that my father would hate me. She stated that behind my back, he doesn't believe in any ""of that stuff"" even though he's been supporting me more than she ever has. 

Her reasoning for not accepting me is because I ""used to be a bubbly, happy kid in 9th grade and now a moping 12th"". I went to my bedroom sobbing. I cancelled the meeting, it's not worth it. I though about ending it then and there knowing that no matter what I do I can never get her to see that I hate myself. That I can't wake up in the morning without hating who I am and how people know me. 

I've timed how long it takes for my parents to check in on me. 2 hours. I had enough pills to end it, I keep thinking about it, I wanted to, it would have been so easy and they probably wouldn't even noticed I was gone. A part of me knows they love me as their child but is it worth it to continue living like this? I can't wait I can't keep living this gross double life anymore and I don't know what to do anymore
I am lost ",3.929137737961927,4.5992018652482285,4.92749906681598,86.17026315789477,71.12765957446808,7.780813736468833,26.544232922732363,7.85451343220497,1.4073446808510637,1074,33,225,13,19,352,151,282,0.155,0.737,0.108,-0.8872,2,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,3,2,17,17,5,0,8,0,28,4,1,5,2,36,54,18,1,6,6,4,0,3,0,3,2,1,1,2,25,8,0,3,7,0,3,3,11,10,0,0,13,2,46,7,33,36,4,27,0,3,1,1,24,7,1,1,19,171,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583845665230086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119875877516149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477813746873324,0.08575316372908763,0.09311580948978848,0.06798248242570812,0.0,0.0,0.12564656153547374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605332026286263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754992767527685,0.11523153994305385,0.0,0.1473178220518792,0.10087759799317024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582653904096893,0.0,0.06338024884129494,0.0,0.08919394583673182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187167299214889,0.0,0.3303132327301793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982623118649994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982508990666488,0.1233820366666105,0.0,0.2451572395831201,0.18180984392058144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877094642983387,0.1634513419564152,0.0,0.1969510875842112,0.09869303428217586,0.0,0.0,0.12173891104980684,0.0,0.10065252432001193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061265433205016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601226996528136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696798769813555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766289669066505,0.12076693658246575,0.0,0.1546299577849711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023905880622696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466269465344743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608250203553904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886821131321249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858547132046191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766545711769814,0.0,0.1265532973311463,0.0,0.0,0.08385030270698343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129485078219598,0.0,0.07145848585917196,0.21913865092865048,0.0,0.13005818825886487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631878523006154,0.0,0.0,0.13155656178476716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338156471287696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750276394753952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158443373725811,0.0,0.0,0.07181620138254431
suicidewatch,FishCakeSoup,2018/03/04,"I've changed as a person and I can't live with the 'new me' Warning: long

I used be a good person, I think. I'd go out of my way to try and help people. I was motivated with schoolwork. I wanted to be healthy and happy. I didn't get irrationally angry or sad. I socialised. I enjoyed talking to people and actually replied to them when they messaged me. I did new things even if they seemed scary. Some people thought I was a people  pleaser, but I liked making people happy. I was recovering from depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Things had been tough but I was doing well. 

I was so excited to go to university. I was excited to meet new people and make new friends. I was excited to get involved, try new things. I was even excited to work hard and learn stuff.

But the first night of university I was raped and I've never been the same. I'm not a helpful or kind person now. I hate talking to people. I avoid people most of the time. I hardly ever go out, and when I do I drink too much and end up an emotional wreck. I don't put effort into uni work - I'm a perfectionist at heart but I have no energy to try. My first year exam results were nowhere near what they could have been if I'd just tried. I've lost touch with a lot of friends. I get a really strong feeling that a lot of people don't like me due to me being a complete mess for the first few weeks of uni... I was emotional and suicidal and confused and a lot of people distanced themselves. 

I have an amazing boyfriend. I have an amazing family. And the few friends that I do have are also amazing. 

But I'm not a good person. I keep thinking about what things would have been like if I'd had the normal first year uni experience. If this hadn't happened to me, things could have been so different. There's nothing I can do to truly fix this. There's nothing you can do to undo rape. It happened and nothing can change that. 

My life is honestly ruined. I'll never be that person again, at least not for a long long time. And then it'll be too late. I don't like living like this. I don't like being this person. It's not ""me"" but I don't know how to get back to being me. The old me is dead and I hate everything about who I am now. 

I can't see a future for myself like this. I have attempted suicide twice in the past, and the whole ""third time lucky"" thing is something I've been thinking about. The last two times it was a very emotional and rushed decision, but now I'm starting to realise that my current suicidal feelings are based more on reality. 

I've changed irreversibly as a person and I can't live with who I am now. I am working on a plan but I need to make sure it's foolproof because I don't want to be the person who failed 3 times. 

I hate myself so much.",1.5610316995378533,3.515624595782075,3.3886887326694013,89.5349864935234,79.84358523725835,6.323777907960683,23.19081559591225,7.3871296695380915,0.9046133307296752,2141,72,460,30,54,717,228,569,0.192,0.635,0.173,-0.9606,2,1,2,0,0,1,64.0,0,1,4,14,25,42,5,2,32,0,68,6,1,7,4,85,103,44,4,12,19,0,5,7,3,2,1,0,0,8,27,27,2,2,11,1,0,5,18,14,1,7,25,6,64,28,50,66,13,58,0,5,1,2,26,10,0,14,49,324,91,7,0.0,0.0,0.05296615341412287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434049948718381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041521467142120363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173537189518487,0.0,0.03308652489321965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722524072345841,0.0,0.05690800533804274,0.0,0.0,0.08667093201264922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674837485416377,0.0,0.0,0.056707517627483314,0.06220571092889004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053170426072548314,0.0,0.05553853431069047,0.0,0.1831616823923624,0.04807297679093031,0.0,0.0,0.07169839365399774,0.049096311844991684,0.0,0.0,0.0487803279285097,0.053092951021794565,0.05116716857038823,0.0,0.05488778165956724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467066722246933,0.0,0.0,0.1258019501721942,0.0,0.11342917889531695,0.0,0.09253996498219744,0.0910493105166172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959932748747706,0.11555694642605754,0.09724238429828347,0.1607607814149793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431805820620821,0.07276095102781692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824355534707092,0.0,0.05652074932954405,0.029829011904221544,0.04424269099973248,0.061226393553109625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038337183152458584,0.185617710673566,0.0,0.1437817544223153,0.14409930701485027,0.0,0.0,0.05924934434873912,0.13843212880123185,0.0,0.0,0.10869019961919464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797991243937357,0.04024542735406698,0.08372295361348647,0.2621034979363578,0.0,0.05093493279293978,0.05317956538030832,0.15623964749777622,0.0,0.05695418430528465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051813177069272666,0.3762857551635413,0.3791380211153135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456299624770812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034770993779827335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325144038456877,0.049411398031222055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041784795204398935,0.0,0.0,0.03841727229504533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213374643306116,0.17810944450584276,0.0,0.05115507374204327,0.0,0.0,0.08725098533814195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635385474806654,0.10433480303378244,0.0,0.0430895749794905,0.15824567336506604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740105365971742,0.0,0.05302037283117388,0.0,0.0,0.04687757450872335,0.0,0.044783897321547785,0.06402751563411667,0.043082256043822605,0.04353743212066916,0.0,0.048801201389893065,0.0,0.0,0.060597909948855076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854208138195645,0.0,0.0,0.03855655487921928,0.0,0.0,0.06990472986557103
suicidewatch,Throwaway12344567878,2018/03/04,"I'm so lost Im almost there, im supposed to go to college, get a job, i have a girlfriend who loves me. But i still feel so fucking broken. Like no matter how far i get its always gonna feel so soul-suckling awful. Im too fucking demotivated to even try and find a therapist. I couldnt even call back on job applications today. All ive done is cry and be a self pitying black hole. I just cant keep feeling like this anymore I dont want to die but nothing helps. Im so sorry for everyone i know. Im just a broken person in a broken world.",-0.5960504201680656,1.4213443109243684,2.5989495798319338,91.56884453781514,89.08403361344537,4.7445378151260496,20.264705882352946,6.18269132825596,0.11199831932773074,419,14,95,4,14,150,78,119,0.264,0.6709999999999999,0.065,-0.9627,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,13,7,2,0,6,1,8,3,0,1,1,18,23,9,1,2,4,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,4,9,3,7,18,1,8,0,2,1,3,7,4,2,1,5,51,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237434275074158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282506002457764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225541009882157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502225008772253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618482495245148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357423390049205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282522887566318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646106480622324,0.14483005102671867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324145163455892,0.0,0.0,0.11808208169024705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745108568988605,0.08828265775326521,0.0,0.0,0.11294614675753133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284878826933933,0.12912662946079256,0.0,0.07023103981383208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283033037958178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6674159650227753,0.0,0.2452600534152181,0.1098399504579268,0.0,0.0,0.06791409062200322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074589917656894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489770812103458,0.0,0.1115320872371796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857442247818376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079017216818548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891662935348366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138333118570647,0.0,0.0,0.09868788466173553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348116092931307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171355172523622,0.0,0.0,0.08389993396502735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728882759013168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SofterWaves,2018/03/04,"I Really Don't Like Compliments I first need to say, I feel bad making this post because it sounds disrespectful to the good intentions of my friends. I don't like it when people say that I'll make it through tough times, or how I'm competent or how they're proud of me. For some reason it makes me way more panicked, uncomfertable and angry than when someone tells me that I should kill myself. 

I don't even know possibly why this stresses me out, but every time someone tries to help me out with words of praise or hopefulness, it just makes everything worse.",11.639954128440372,7.388038477064224,10.085206422018349,71.29184633027525,58.724770642201854,14.202752293577984,41.01146788990825,11.698219412168324,4.393768807339449,450,15,89,9,4,139,75,109,0.181,0.6579999999999999,0.161,0.1264,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,6,12,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,8,0,24,13,9,1,3,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,4,13,8,12,12,2,9,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,5,7,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575642502648364,0.10641462128816724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115300072042677,0.0,0.1470805006760404,0.0,0.15688985590290067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826648488320715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484868778070087,0.0,0.0,0.13487028257063785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641879025439905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170087984939564,0.0,0.0,0.17338474286293984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931328812534659,0.0,0.09593763670957353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056955490793815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661001809665072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943945984914024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210230033558648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967984301652554,0.1671872428669523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183229870272067,0.1794842846576188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277645887554068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29582065663713475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996628144363834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525795367654419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035832225473208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851975504603438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856341746191495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751985896246332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778990182858744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,revohitta,2018/03/04,"I don't think i can handle being homeless I've been homeless for 2 days and i just can't.  I can't believe how low i fell.  I'm disgusted with myself 

The past 12 hours  , I've been in a Colorado bus station.  Denver is my stop but I'm terrified. I don't wanna leave this bus station because i have nowhere to go.   I don't wanna go to a shelter,  i don't wanna apply for food stamps.  I want to end it already. Such a disappointing life i lived so far ",-1.0315855572998416,1.0338266734693882,2.03979591836735,93.86509419152279,93.48979591836736,4.239874411302983,20.80376766091052,5.873414542411696,0.09563485086342194,346,13,78,3,13,122,61,98,0.163,0.789,0.049,-0.9104,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,12,2,0,1,0,11,18,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,2,0,13,0,10,15,0,11,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311481691900591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206349767480414,0.0,0.0,0.31801114165302463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203479515768253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24999919323598205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413107485353348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32083051133209817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27796992401743703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988733170467005,0.0,0.0,0.19936907382991406,0.0,0.0,0.2492413618289777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694497684768936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359825768711288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808612539106847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664846689549431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sureiknowyou,2018/03/04,"Can I just die already? Had it. Tried in vain. Am always going to be this person. Borderline Personality Disorder. Social Anxiety. Depression. Dyscalculia. Face blindness. No desire to make friends, get close to anyone, including having a relationship. No hobbies beyond zoning out from the real world. No desire to fucking keep going at all. Can't be who I want to be because of all of the above, especially BPD. Supposed to do an internal interview this week and I'd rather quit my job than try and get further in it. Too much stress. I want to disappear into an abyss. ",2.05391968325792,4.861013701923079,4.042036199095026,76.97943438914028,94.67307692307692,7.062443438914027,25.348416289592762,7.928766900206844,2.6109475113122182,451,20,72,12,17,152,79,104,0.238,0.691,0.071,-0.9437,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,5,0,9,3,1,1,2,16,18,2,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,1,4,1,17,14,3,13,0,1,1,1,7,9,1,0,1,51,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103193175416256,0.0,0.15858502678511593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457997976514868,0.0,0.0,0.13326401737480242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618107370605693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400397362036861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415372729829958,0.0,0.19780093143501595,0.0,0.21843110782081807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724832030049573,0.17619613831659922,0.19914940955849575,0.0,0.21663184689337314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912982949328985,0.16940395153946494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721940562245293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010458914600799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328293203813737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271449216752066,0.0,0.2169316119388564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462088718774876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428113003275516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831865773611306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587943692312563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482825068846785,0.0,0.1528787210657014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RadionA1,2018/03/04,Roughly how many pills for an overdose? Title says it all,1.0163636363636357,3.4081583636363675,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,101.72727272727272,2.2,23.681818181818183,3.1291,0.024599999999999955,46,2,8,0,2,14,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7868273668467831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6171731481366941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cameleer,2018/03/04,I want to stop existing I've had this feeling for a long time of just wanting to stop existing. I'm not really depressed i think and have a very good life with a lot of people who love and care for me and idk I just can't make sense of the whole situation I would probably never do anything but I do feel myself living more recklessly almost like I'm hoping someone will do the job for me. i guess it might be because im not really feeling emotions anymore but not really sure,2.8838636363636354,4.436822171717171,4.850391414141416,82.3289204545455,74.75757575757575,8.182323232323233,26.516414141414145,8.841846274778883,2.0815747474747472,381,14,76,8,8,131,67,99,0.073,0.728,0.199,0.8885,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,2,28,23,5,0,4,7,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,3,9,6,9,18,3,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,6,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692172368719353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675908511206153,0.0,0.0,0.13906286099975418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301361684038572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229469660104574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554925881999847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190088940343544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563364811208736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173925514102856,0.0,0.0,0.18615951554739574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784337763966406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253621662225572,0.0,0.16769467837594554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193613384528144,0.08255908145526275,0.0,0.14921964562612727,0.14954920820182474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436676947362678,0.15251841657371354,0.0,0.1128009122949752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792697379959283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033409057190687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715511595735988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821978234856176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32477443690031604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899497776903548,0.0,0.0,0.14318312374465786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825633453151527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926934553904826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828079263412076,0.0,0.0,0.09853835792841674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943293392672082,0.19934719599779852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866925121165554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004434384788296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2far2gothrowaway,2018/03/04,"completely hopeless, i tried and i'm still worthless. I am writing this here because I have nowhere else to go/talk to. There are so many things I hate about my life I'm fat, I'm unsucessful (28 and still live at home), never really dated, etc. I am so behind in life. I wanted to be a totally different woman by this age, but here I am. A month or so ago, I decided to fix it. I started walking a few times a week, counted calories, started to learn programming (as a hobby I will never be good enough to do it as a job and am too old anyways), etc. I wanted to turn my life around in a small way. I lost weight, have learned a little bit but today during a walk a thought came to me. Even though I have come a little ways, I have so far to go. I'm still a loser even if I eat healthy, or learn something, it doesn't matter. Even if I accomplish weight loss more, or learn a skill, would a dude really want to date a 28 year old virgin? Even if I improve myself, who would even care to be my friend? In that moment I realized I wasted my life, and no improvement can bring back the time I lost in depression (which was my ENTIRE 20's, the best years of your life...gone thanks to depression). I just have no motivation now, and know my best option is to die. I can at least say I did try, but I can't think of any reason to not die, I have no hope left.",1.7664472484037717,3.016045444055944,3.617607175433264,91.27383551231378,77.07692307692308,6.93195500152022,22.22499239890544,7.586124646067393,0.6884662815445419,1031,28,239,14,23,348,158,286,0.171,0.674,0.155,-0.266,2,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,1,0,9,23,16,1,0,17,0,25,9,1,2,3,42,48,21,2,9,11,0,2,0,1,3,5,1,1,1,9,8,4,0,11,0,0,6,8,9,0,0,6,3,34,7,28,36,10,43,0,8,0,1,6,12,0,8,23,163,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260294808783758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336904765376421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295447470586413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165357206204083,0.0,0.056804757884338974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558397800846627,0.0,0.10173396910589927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065789030333455,0.09500839622341134,0.0,0.0,0.0802706924638832,0.09770278006955777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052034014737432,0.0,0.19342279531501766,0.09735857178857724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953515972122035,0.07784417439065353,0.0,0.0,0.09628509424112172,0.2078519859148318,0.3077393217749198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719945591543383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591845315485073,0.07815922125584622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200097114103828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347222984369903,0.09255380717370304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247180999767733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121208119066035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124585856282266,0.0,0.3290968776520328,0.0,0.1867918550364655,0.08228413001470225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344503820802692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447504186524744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437943923765197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374015176040592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955641252989195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939349263395818,0.0958097788687381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410451321995616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173842470591346,0.0,0.0,0.13191375391278906,0.0,0.2232531680337583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489863491706318,0.0,0.08579229887683004,0.0,0.0,0.061908024369289924,0.05970923454358457,0.09155386479675907,0.07397854207864024,0.10867393527434344,0.0,0.08832855692975232,0.0,0.0,0.12653310059093847,0.10135860475371447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648889178571785,0.14793195305814405,0.07474744774502648,0.2269486385918789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323920098491281,0.0,0.0,0.12001626848994447
suicidewatch,Necarus1,2018/03/04,"Seriously just done... I'm 21 and in the Army. I've been married for one year and have a 10mos old little boy (first kid). The stress of everything is getting to me. I'm behind on bills, my SGT is forcing me to attend college (well, threatening me) and if I don't I will be negatively counseled. My house is a disgusting trash heap, and I don't feel like it'll ever get fixed. My wife and I argue over our son CONSTANTLY. She feels like I don't do enough and I'm trying my DAMNDEST. I'm so tired of life. I'm tired of trying. To make it worse, I can't keep my nerves together around my son and when he gets frustrating (as kids often can) I yell at him before I realize what I'm doing and to top it all off I've hit him... and I'm at my end. I can't cope with everything and I already feel like life is a waste anyway. I wish someone could help me.",0.3708937198067623,2.13991236956522,2.9542753623188425,92.0887922705314,82.91304347826087,6.480193236714977,20.004830917874393,7.594959193182576,0.5229055555555555,652,18,154,11,18,227,109,184,0.199,0.755,0.046,-0.9795,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,2,8,9,3,1,5,0,19,4,0,1,2,25,36,14,0,3,2,3,3,3,0,2,4,1,0,3,4,12,0,1,4,0,1,1,6,5,1,2,2,4,26,4,18,29,2,17,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,10,94,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663072573113303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341598387833579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282392732144234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162859097118254,0.0,0.1203260718813632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422404155161135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348033363832698,0.1557190587539958,0.0,0.0,0.13632174504153505,0.0,0.0,0.2708887562840881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286036739658149,0.3229920995483245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281900140138515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23621219738141236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101471416335628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173893902991993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339539652730854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289549096153612,0.22088127203809665,0.1510464941559389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059708577011893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814006185284624,0.0,0.1021219412749144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769227382229711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263263124081826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34642758542764096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463827221171824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550233578843146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173303877590118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358177088723365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704939540080608
suicidewatch,hilakleinerzzz,2018/03/05,"Suicide Note I’m done with life. There is nothing in my life that is worth living for. I feel worthless everyday and I can’t take it anymore. I have torpedoed every relationship that I have been in. My best friend lead me on and when I asked her out she said I just think of you as a friend but now she won’t even talk to me. I hate my job, everyday I get treated like shit and I have no time to look for another job with school taking up the rest of my time. I hate university, it’s just an echochamber of liberal ideologies where any dissenting opinion is completely disregarded. Most people there are too stupid to know that communism has killed even more people than fascism. It was my understanding that university was a place for people to learn about other views and challenge their ideas but instead we get this regurgitated drivel that lacks logical consistency or any semblance of critical thinking. I lost my grandparents and my two month old cousin within the span of one year.

I can’t take this shit anymore.",4.540747422680411,6.6119864123711345,5.074832474226807,80.27451675257736,71.47422680412372,8.767525773195876,28.619845360824733,9.354420925462401,2.6078670103092785,820,32,153,19,16,262,124,194,0.22,0.72,0.059,-0.9912,3,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,1,1,1,4,12,14,6,0,5,0,15,4,2,1,0,27,32,10,2,1,5,1,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,8,0,1,1,4,8,0,2,6,4,27,6,23,25,5,19,0,2,2,0,13,9,2,3,10,108,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419363642920194,0.13430000392076102,0.0,0.0,0.25403613064891023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973479697543235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440901204138592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428639990416408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106733810647064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918742987940516,0.0,0.10791047851880266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475962875526953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979040955567608,0.0,0.13382999445734375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25289923569055817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458345341949658,0.0,0.0,0.2541935131911172,0.0,0.14169833212412794,0.0,0.07038782325126794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092928323280075,0.06257200038840087,0.0,0.11309442352667899,0.0,0.10755250481401073,0.0,0.1398112814183544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222991725520934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289342925857452,0.0,0.13439536888357873,0.0,0.0867883558912511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266377598877214,0.0,0.13381330701123753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750687114213914,0.0,0.0,0.12183064903205765,0.0,0.0,0.12962086032600356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26293860002348185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009555685265052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888941136655304,0.10294351945347116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164133265034689,0.0,0.0,0.1493655709798656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251127138753405,0.13333277532350388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247745158311932
suicidewatch,ninde_inglorion,2018/03/05,"Well this is it. Been on here for the last few days trying to decide what to do. What ever you decide to do DO NOT MOVE.  It will not make things better.  I moved because I thought ""change will do you good"". Yeah, it didn't. I figured I might as well let myself go, here. No one will miss me. No one here will even care. Most people here have told me to go home. So that, I will. People now a days are so cruel and think only of themselves.  I can't live like that anymore. 
If I get work it doesn't last long because of my medication. Employers say they are equal opportunity, but only if you have no disabilities, can work 50-60 hours a week and don't mind making pennies on the dollar. I was working a contract job and asked for some time off to go out of town for a funeral and was given permission.  When I got back 2 days later I had been replaced ""by someone who wants to work"". I have now been out of work for three months. This is the direction our world is heading and I want out, because this is not for me.
Please do not tell me to call for help because I am not a resident of this state. I came here because I thought I had a job lined up and when I got here the position was pulled.  I have sent out I don't know how many resumes and letting employers I was willing to relocate at my expense. The thing that gets to me the most is employers will say the position has been cancelled and 2 days later its posted again.  
Sorry for the rambling my head is not making coherent thoughts at the moment.  I am tired, so now I must go.  I hope others have a better chance than i did. Good night.",1.6111818181818194,3.4074338151515167,3.1460606060606118,92.09909090909096,79.03030303030303,6.096969696969698,22.21212121212121,7.03164865440522,0.5242303030303033,1229,37,274,14,30,404,162,330,0.093,0.8320000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.6361,6,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,3,1,8,21,12,1,0,16,1,49,4,2,4,2,44,75,18,1,6,9,0,0,1,0,9,2,2,1,0,18,13,0,0,8,0,2,9,14,2,2,3,21,2,38,10,34,43,5,46,0,1,0,0,14,12,0,7,24,204,56,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187338266864026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866053249447337,0.0,0.0,0.07123397319183965,0.0,0.28236056374121643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638640257011328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945951756518266,0.10595478359291688,0.09445203295263886,0.0,0.0980001918595887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389789726505912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061187443881817814,0.0837976326308436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680051622510644,0.0,0.21059640253582815,0.15540305141559022,0.14818436709065666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014948273118426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062094230859438576,0.0,0.0929248622678908,0.09201181782404053,0.09123113909611036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386060163677548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091218642212535,0.1510269357380949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946010708774613,0.0,0.045258926919894193,0.0,0.08180227925700714,0.08198294561455506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551253802970608,0.09392180188448916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332444001379098,0.0,0.09827575389514097,0.0935393761271144,0.0,0.07394387785847477,0.19692202297917186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693579264640587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554969738535116,0.1409128622993785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844897830601731,0.0,0.0,0.10169023194717312,0.0,0.0,0.08872292843746933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473411235809459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784930551490353,0.0,0.0,0.1037022134364112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097091075444983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309098964287285,0.059359580972463626,0.0,0.2206359849850233,0.054018773727578864,0.10647535185237957,0.0,0.08852090782731832,0.0,0.0628960653041206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928222572630214,0.0,0.07430973133087371,0.0,0.1665878756402447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33721289894793033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Biscuit2532,2018/03/05,"I really need help Hi, 
I am very despressed and feel like i want to kill myself. What an awful thing to say. 
Im in my late 30's and have a partner of 11 years. Ive been having an affair for the past 2 + years and am in love with him. He's recently changed and started taking steroids. I thought he loved me and he was my whole world. He's saying he can't do it anymore and he wants to stop. I said ikd leave my partner. Im so confused, why havent i left. How could i do it in the first place. I'm scared ill lose him. My life's a mess, I'm living a lie. I'm desperate, mentally unwell and suicidal. I haven't got anyone to talk to and I've had enough. All i care about is him. I don't even really care what my family thinks if i die anymore. Only one of them loves me anyway and that's conditional. 
I am so low and in so much pain. Any words would help me.    ",-1.3756433506044914,0.5358145854922292,1.4861463730569966,98.73073942141623,92.2642487046632,4.874697754749568,15.813687392055268,6.42735559955562,-0.5498115716753018,657,15,167,8,24,228,116,193,0.203,0.662,0.135,-0.9194,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,2,7,13,1,2,7,1,18,6,0,1,1,25,36,15,3,6,1,0,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,2,6,11,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,6,4,26,6,14,28,4,16,0,2,0,3,23,8,0,2,9,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860322082092964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25093097236710804,0.08845983369333077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25797396136308576,0.0,0.1338324698687928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101009197055397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129903963435408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072027404394568,0.0,0.08355970110134639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926385220223,0.0,0.06396805278124489,0.09037989334730452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761067974383652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011828623361313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695960818613147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330841763116603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399663117678547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271056530221113,0.13395748944908545,0.13745519471584364,0.0,0.08935886571590981,0.061807164438811076,0.0,0.11171203715139266,0.0,0.0,0.14153409027771965,0.0,0.0,0.3425449031271058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749391019290848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300056309027116,0.09380672868712953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572751631157663,0.0962177524347454,0.13461723387460364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076961193615683,0.0,0.0,0.13217766763419336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209310692567486,0.0,0.12491491630698034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034147720499155,0.2012141620123944,0.12666015514085913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954554283585497,0.0,0.0,0.1057693402132742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838312768954886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512095867105,0.10168521056184897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840486679153773,0.08106350795010316,0.0,0.100436057835433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438529745591496,0.14923960763938984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415701741762828,0.1412456537625736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987019198094914,0.0,0.0,0.1629386109074086
suicidewatch,subhumaniguess889,2018/03/05,I'm waiting Waiting for the my 18th birthday to kill myself.I got 11 months...,0.5268750000000004,2.9177179375000044,2.2800000000000007,92.965,88.375,3.2,26.75,3.1291,0.4419749999999998,61,3,12,0,2,20,14,16,0.266,0.7340000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057527033889543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6996080059962484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047403698543613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsanityWolfHD,2018/03/05,"Just some thoughts.. Out of all the things the hard things in life, I never thought having a will to live would be one of them. I used to be one of the happiest people around, I'd smile everywhere I went and wave at strangers. The older I got the more I realized I don't like people and I hate myself even more. Just opening my eyes to wake up seems like a fucking war. I have nothing to live for. My dad hates me, I don't have a job anymore, and I'm to the point I don't even try to get a girlfriend anymore. I just wish I could spare my mom the trouble if I were to do anything. Jeez, is this all life has to offer... I'm only 18",-0.3449999999999989,1.5626658043478263,1.6791594202898563,99.41004347826087,86.6086956521739,4.549565217391304,19.344927536231886,5.6839178017228535,-0.4200933333333329,483,14,119,3,15,160,81,138,0.147,0.7829999999999999,0.07,-0.8497,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,11,0,15,5,2,1,3,22,28,4,1,4,4,2,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,5,2,19,2,17,18,5,10,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,3,4,82,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199299725328808,0.0,0.0,0.13273510159565752,0.14359005657545348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878390154334518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130725643472912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911806590874996,0.08427192293758322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900531991976608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449196927388022,0.3184981810319268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006408908358066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22786010976943716,0.1576048124686265,0.0,0.28485944672585195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889111093764045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440351528126742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477047043164738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860037188832812,0.1226749436438188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364844369308196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524794251194389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146840295157856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431940237534886,0.0,0.0,0.25610633013123285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095112417801618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931030392614616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952552782005465,0.0,0.0,0.1854855656773298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458198157350548,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ragnarin2018,2018/03/05,"Going on a 'suicide mission' I've been suicidal for a while now, i've quit school, all i do is play FIFA all day and listen to Kendrick Lamar, this has been going on for about a year now, im almost 18 and im a fucking failure its laughable, cant talk to anyone cus if i do im a pussy, no girl has ever liked me. I've had pills and a noose but im too scared to used them, so im going on an adventure. From a week from now im going to travel on foot, from the middle of Sweden to Madrid, hopefully i die of starvation on my way there. Nobody knows this but you guys, my family wont miss me anyway.",-0.5810767590618369,1.1609123208955232,2.4965884861407277,94.21104477611941,86.23880597014927,5.321108742004265,17.03411513859275,6.5431188927421005,-0.2690601279317697,457,10,110,5,14,163,82,134,0.14,0.762,0.098,-0.8224,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,1,9,7,1,1,9,0,10,3,1,1,3,13,20,8,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,0,5,3,3,0,0,3,1,9,4,18,16,2,20,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,3,9,67,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302608233073113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590624702567429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923423941251824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750880554631888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113348781162044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582104013485968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358166503884512,0.0,0.0,0.27929563162589977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165026059337974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202724484735968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7962563163055971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752039015388178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060022965390644674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067624391698598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300383260455093,0.1243404136827874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687767917967514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874984445106964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611119571978553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752018424641977,0.0985505122504474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911751568038149
suicidewatch,CuddlyMouse,2018/03/05,"It's a cycle and I don't know what to do I've always had low self esteem and anxiety. I also have severe abandonment issues and been struggling with an eating disorder on and off the past few years. These things were probably due to my abusive childhood and mother, unstable family life, possible sexual abuse as a child (it was by another child so I don't know if it counts), and recent events (like the guilt of my friend dying from OD last year and my mom attempting suicide in front of me by stabbing herself only a few weeks ago). I know these things don't excuse my behavior, but I'm really at loss with what to do. I feel suicidal and cornered. 
Everyone is telling me to just be happy, that I need to control my feelings, and that I am lucky to have my life so I shouldn't feel the way I'm feeling. Because of my anxiety and abandonment issues, I've been unintentionally  manipulative, hurtful, and a fuck load of burden. I don't know who I can trust or talk to. The one and only person who I love the most tells me he wants to support me and want me to tell him everything is also the person who tells me that I need to stop making him responsible for fixing me and that I'm treating him as an emotional garbage can. He believes that when I feel suicidal and self harm is to manipulate him for attention, etc. I understand that the things I do when I am not thinking clearly is wrong. I get jealous and insecure. I think and say terrible things about myself. I know I am being selfish. I don't want to be a burden. But the fact that I am making my love feeling this way just makes me want to do the exact thing that is hurting him. To want to hurt/punish myself and to die. I don't know what to do. It's like no matter what I do, I'm a burden and I'm so sorry.",4.129111570247932,4.70955031680441,5.782028236914602,80.54758780991736,70.62534435261708,9.02520661157025,28.072658402203857,9.188382445141503,2.2141203856749314,1387,47,284,27,24,476,170,363,0.266,0.619,0.115,-0.9965,0,0,0,0,1,2,35.0,0,0,0,3,10,28,2,3,17,0,34,6,0,6,3,67,69,32,6,9,7,2,6,2,1,1,2,1,0,6,27,21,1,4,16,0,0,1,9,18,0,1,5,7,48,10,35,60,4,22,0,6,0,3,29,6,1,4,15,200,75,0,0.0,0.1915146815967876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164119814840507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292619061130042,0.06724791136265047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474580489454389,0.12365268106231812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049266533575008126,0.0,0.0,0.0910553766440703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064541988700936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677547972119155,0.0,0.09262561589426532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826980492558496,0.0,0.0909105363826177,0.0,0.0,0.09013458752482756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722605132566858,0.07263493737845886,0.0,0.07618899344813695,0.0,0.24518719448922266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062440585927979124,0.07471589551774785,0.04222461008270565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603336553624362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595553453835403,0.0,0.0,0.16870815010256485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266496168074116,0.0658783002633712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416974898677815,0.07896819630631471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458846688701082,0.0,0.16184200021292452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465427696028787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985258073361538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476506970035335,0.1229330358609398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715091373147721,0.0,0.14113612797900346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111131863158306,0.0,0.0,0.08713658896139749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051774743283520615,0.0,0.07979904693963212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427054043684513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862375887478295,0.09130250527841544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904702928832168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756833206140761,0.0,0.08448960303149779,0.0,0.2652087203504214,0.09171248312102163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495927892830783,0.28255759518451395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684628783527413,0.10357114854249068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413546562724246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383458038350072,0.1283007762658716,0.06482815491397048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836292754150922,0.0,0.10408961751313422
suicidewatch,thebigsthrowaway,2018/03/05,"I will absolutely kill myself if my fiancé does. So, my fiancé has bipolar disorder. She’s the love of my life and all I want is to help her through her hard times so she can get to the good times. Occasionally she will have really dark thoughts. She is very very good at making sure she reaches out to people about it and always tells me when she has them because she knows it isn’t her and it is her disorder.  She doesn’t want that and she does all she can to avoid it. It’s been her entire life and she’s always come out of it. Here’s the thing... She doesn’t realize this, but I can’t live without her. No... I won’t live without her. I refuse to.  I am worried to tell her that this fact might make things harder for her, but we promised each other we would always be open with each other about everything, and this is something she made very clear she wants me to be very honest and open with her about (this is because although I do not have bipolar disorder, I have clinical depression and general anxiety disorder and have had suicidal ideation before, almost to the point of actually making plans to, but not quite.) Would telling her this be wrong of me?",3.2513407441016327,4.966029383620693,4.023829401088932,87.96200544464612,74.1293103448276,7.470417422867515,24.71052631578948,8.20500826718156,1.3468155172413794,915,29,191,15,19,292,111,232,0.14400000000000002,0.747,0.108,-0.9214,0,1,1,0,0,1,27.0,2,0,1,2,7,10,1,1,4,0,30,6,0,4,5,50,42,17,2,6,8,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,17,20,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,4,1,43,6,25,29,4,10,0,1,0,1,34,6,0,3,3,144,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.10098088594080376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036195880289289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25830924292503765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916139397155655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616006189072834,0.0,0.08805327682359003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913826857492092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912658376674805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743850474519778,0.0,0.18111089460101512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300053738451028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406367197760715,0.0,0.0,0.17358708245964105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269714227367763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693600046735248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144845320930597,0.0,0.05686952619111494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461810031376708,0.0,0.0,0.18274826479177025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339412334308032,0.09791463140189564,0.2072197421023696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977520222275253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173952887654303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782140166775537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006299073593727,0.0,0.0,0.06629149995991428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966343346863047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131895769989893,0.0,0.09752803127782544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713364512587978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749411980357434,0.0,0.0,0.08215101863677028,0.1206792433482064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415250937370169,0.1831043459802517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950073708866448,0.0,0.0,0.10508826902335,0.0,0.14701747510668306,0.11313838825812815,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Satanic_destiny,2018/03/05,"I just want to die I am so drink right now. I want to die and not feel anything anymore. There is no Hope left, just suffering. I don't even want to live this life. I had enough, i will do this tonight",-1.3853787878787855,0.6104124318181796,0.14272727272727434,107.1007575757576,95.13636363636364,3.8424242424242414,16.424242424242426,5.46131890053228,-1.077048484848485,153,4,41,1,6,48,31,44,0.268,0.593,0.139,-0.8519,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,11,2,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,3,9,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479765612410615,0.0,0.0,0.2057649915641538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190126039147936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494802807659685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583623993173978,0.0,0.16515177175600745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642981142059362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835021324770246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716736494408402,0.0,0.17661354457444162,0.0,0.0,0.22079352389794693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353629767519697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424474709631198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,therealslimshady19,2018/03/05,I wish I didn't have a child so I could kill myself. He is my only reason. ,-3.7766666666666673,-2.4391475555555555,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,107.88888888888887,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.5968,56,0,15,0,3,21,16,18,0.267,0.589,0.145,-0.507,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636912845466763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039593344375742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34643932433197105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468344799968827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238192261425619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SQLwitch,2018/03/05,"Sorry folks, we've got a troll: Please message the moderators if you get harassed via PM after posting here. We are **so** sorry that this is necessary.

In recent days we've been targeted by a PM troll who's been sending pro-suicide messages to people after they post here.  The admins have suspended the main account this person was using, and they're looking out for alts, but if these types of individuals sometimes try to get around their site-wide bans.  We feel it's better to let you know this might happen again so that you can be forewarned, and also so that if it does happen, we and the reddit community team will be alerted as soon as possible.

If you get a hateful, pro-suicide PM, please be aware that this person is doing this indiscriminately, and they probably haven't even read what you posted, so it's *not about you*.  

If you don't think you could handle receiving something like that, we completely understand.  In that case, your best protection is to set your messaging preference so that you can receive PMs from trusted users only before you post (anywhere, not just here) about your struggles.  

On desktop you can do that here: 

https://www.reddit.com/prefs/blocked   

(On mobile, it depends which app or browser you're using.)

  

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suicidewatch,LaidEgg,2018/03/05,"I can't any more. I'm totally done. I can't do it any more. 

Can't afford to eat. Can't pay bills. Sick to fucking death of people saying ""hur dur why don't u get a smol job while u look 4 a real job gosh i so smart""

Sick to fucking death of people giving idiotic advice.

I am too poor to fucking god damn shitting breathe and I am fucking sick of it. My country shouldn't fucking have this kind of poverty when there are people who own BILLIONS just walking around pretending they are ""one of the people"" cos they do televised charity for poor brown people once in a while.

My FB and Twitter timelines are chock god damn full of people RTing dumbass fucking Tumblr posts ""OH BE A HUMAN BRO HELP A FELLOW HUMAN OUT"". I write on my FB about my situation and it is the ONLY time I get zero interaction. People ignore me, just like the get mad about other people doing.

Oh but they can't film me on their phones for FB likes so they don't care. They can make speeches about ""look after one another"" but then when it comes to it, nobody will say ""hey, I noticed you mentioned you're $30 short on a bill, can I help?""

Nobody. Call me a beggar I don't fucking care I am IN ACTUAL POVERTY. not ""oh I can't buy a $5 coffee"" poverty. I can't afford to fucking feed myself. I can't afford bus fare to the food bank. I am having to borrow money of friends and what little family I have and it's racking up and I feel like a shit of a human

what's the point I am taking the box of tegretol I have left and I'm finishing it fuck this fucking shit ass world.",0.11580619789208768,2.339309441717795,2.5828834355828256,91.4328496145981,88.01840490797545,4.693282995123487,19.095170677992762,6.163053881298487,0.020227874783703026,1202,35,254,11,39,412,164,326,0.197,0.713,0.09,-0.9911,5,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,6,0,12,26,17,0,16,0,33,21,5,2,1,23,57,16,2,1,5,1,1,3,2,2,3,3,0,3,13,10,3,1,1,2,10,2,13,18,0,4,1,7,34,8,31,53,5,25,0,0,3,11,25,14,16,0,11,157,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0739005669681411,0.0,0.0,0.07400148933546964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299661560854087,0.07940844547254237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741485362831381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732776241498272,0.0,0.1544214979980904,0.0,0.0,0.06523381652748311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749704592264746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748965914230815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713905489405976,0.0,0.038290851070034486,0.05410080322003963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157179129883697,0.0,0.05850802725993996,0.7001022791082414,0.11869580983475085,0.0726461445295079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151908695455836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502986682235715,0.0,0.0,0.0788600861433097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227976561465893,0.0,0.0,0.11099207302812583,0.07590033937828285,0.0,0.0,0.12718655196760512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505496866583053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621795327066471,0.0,0.08064889929412275,0.1026318425203954,0.0575953068537439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200075535967644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158837019020756,0.0,0.07252743582004928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619616603408277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044545950376892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320414973603276,0.0,0.08512255395553134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693877339939876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415818113314395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833363159397816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChrisCastle2019,2018/03/05,"I hate guns, but I wish I could buy one so I could end it I was doing so well! I was better than I'd been in a long time. But on Friday, something just snapped. It hit me again how lonely I am, the fact that I'm about to leave college and I've never so much as held hands with a girl. That's the issue, I don't believe I will EVER find a girlfriend. I'm not ugly, but I'm not attractive. I have Aspergers, I'm not confident, and I have few very interests. The things I love are things I adore and are things I'm so good at, but who gives a fuck? I'm sick of ""You'll find someone eventually."" NO I WON'T! I heard that same thing in high school and through college. I want to have a good chat, hold hands, kiss, make a girl laugh and get that warm fuzzy feeling. I want to know what that's like. Almost 23 years on this earth and I've never had anything like that. I've had nothing but bad experiences. I feel so much regret and anger towards myself. I wish I could go back in time and do something differently. So many things I've missed out on. Now I'm just scared to even talk to girls. I'm in SO MUCH PAIN and nobody ever wants to help. My therapist tries but can only do so much. My parents are too old to understand, my friends have their own things to deal with. I want to be free of this pain. I don't know what caused me to snap after doing so well, but I do know that I wish I had the balls the end it all.",0.3634419109663405,2.126816967426713,2.122824104234528,98.0696650380022,82.90879478827361,5.265971769815418,18.05092290988056,6.2581,-0.4480257546145494,1087,24,269,9,30,357,154,307,0.149,0.604,0.247,0.988,2,2,2,1,1,0,39.0,0,1,1,1,22,26,3,1,11,0,29,8,2,3,6,56,61,27,0,11,12,1,5,2,2,3,3,1,0,3,21,12,0,2,8,2,2,1,9,10,2,1,8,6,33,17,29,45,8,27,0,3,0,3,16,11,1,1,17,174,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506200044971937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781220282240075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299785825013684,0.07926535146220716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695733533003723,0.0,0.08396080117708761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752266361919272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273895782702929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978720777809014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918510715285496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816547624205158,0.0,0.0,0.06270255827432653,0.17174523431423908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286299694426743,0.0,0.0,0.09600227153389314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353465747851635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334524257044828,0.08776431865867416,0.0495987381113109,0.0910686847917844,0.05395278983982126,0.15925111868073547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372699304388543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636317989763321,0.100302257985293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990857149159098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565185992491823,0.0,0.0,0.10052067178024432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275924348496717,0.0,0.0,0.08401299513060917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085681021939234,0.0,0.06336872397596817,0.09624747958529972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27914763455844616,0.0,0.14643684775371993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109107473421814,0.0,0.09961654308749564,0.0,0.06432927016721103,0.07220106282748702,0.20203147786547004,0.0,0.10541221011715902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504480813212232,0.09607758157864103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043668851600495,0.1461686056135813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630380143603416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022489403706882,0.37841685130861824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107127571500882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445348832637499,0.0,0.0,0.09882892742751416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832992591457409,0.2239765119192292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071289986069574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275058765042845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061133941426909824
suicidewatch,INCELMAN2000,2018/03/05,"I see no reason to live and i cry often I don't know why i live. I barely have any real friends, which really means zero. Nobody enjoys hanging out with me. Or atleast nobody does. Nobody can love me. Nobody likes they way i look. Nobody sees anything positive in me. 

I am just darkness in its own manifestation. I bring sadness and i am the mirror that shows others if they were shit. I am shit. I don't know why i do anything anymore. 

But the worst part of it all. The absolute worst part. The part i hate the most. Is the fact that no girl has ever liked me. NEVER. 18 years. No girl has ever thought that i could be goodlooking, or attractive. NEVER, and it probably will never happen. ITS OVER FOR ME. I WANT LOVE. I WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE. I WANT TO FEEL VALIDATED. I WANT SOMEONE TO WANT TO VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE. I WANT SOMEONE TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY TELL ME THAT I CAN MAKE THEM HAPPY, THE SAME WAY A POLITE SMILE FROM MY CRUSH CAN MAKE MY MONTH. 

I HATE THAT I AM NOTHING TO EVERYONE. WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?! 

FUCK LIFE. FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT. FUCK THE WAY I LOOK. FUCK EVERYBODY. ",-0.2218993648025922,1.969265963133644,1.8687258687258712,92.11073359073359,101.35023041474658,4.742259310001247,17.846431685141358,6.5153245180268975,0.2269418109353593,842,26,172,13,37,279,116,217,0.229,0.5539999999999999,0.217,-0.8604,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,3,0,4,22,10,0,10,0,19,12,3,3,7,36,48,7,0,8,5,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0,6,1,0,2,8,13,0,1,2,5,35,9,16,43,10,17,0,1,4,8,10,5,8,5,9,121,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141341177744944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089562545553909,0.0,0.0,0.14863369616977062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210461687768598,0.0,0.09920051081678087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790302653541911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544182078369628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337984020635032,0.0,0.08629439353889977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04566308883411537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977273086442984,0.4174474015400549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986020395707252,0.09613591496154812,0.0,0.1783234476074441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926324433109487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378811994254935,0.08824111154378278,0.0,0.1594895093564474,0.0,0.1516741116664961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445229714066352,0.0,0.12056430023939985,0.0,0.0,0.09837328826535384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208401102436893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895626782763815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665419622107906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29338847068488205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537146645045933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973686854421996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027917394569139,0.057854441546444764,0.0928529876939482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392961819689473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781035549824673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22955629660898205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893429709824183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169548597596805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196005426885854,0.21504992463767425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298016902922427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581562197134271
suicidewatch,jotn3,2018/03/05,"coping with a friends suicide Hello everyone,

A close friend of mine killed himself this afternoon without even the slightest warning signs and i feel empty inside and i don't know who to talk to and i'd never go there myself so don't worry about that, but i'm just hoping for some support and maybe some guidance from people who went through the something similar because I'm in my room smoking pot crawling up the walls trying to cope and i'm not getting anywhere.

thank you",5.0053416149068335,6.745622391304347,5.0552795031055915,82.2276086956522,69.65217391304348,6.561490683229812,32.70807453416149,6.868970318607317,2.1452031055900616,388,18,66,3,7,121,72,92,0.117,0.746,0.13699999999999998,0.4547,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,18,13,7,2,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,1,7,5,12,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,2,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610092245046444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830011590628326,0.0,0.0,0.2290154495791564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118461454629532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703376933770293,0.0,0.12521795294978713,0.0,0.13621027786051335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23804690149218094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26515991660804744,0.0,0.13171664806314354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078124795097505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848486777122141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615735896044198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451007301215452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621606451914009,0.27197526214836193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263808278074546,0.0,0.22065641104521844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272054846615466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221769701544755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310338254545793,0.0,0.0,0.2433970436116653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ineedhelp999999999,2018/03/05,"I just took 500mg etizolam and drank a lot This will be my 7th attempt. I can feel the effects kicking in. Filling my bathtub with water, going to take a bath until I go unconscious and hopefully drown.

I'm so sorry",1.1677272727272765,3.55461122727273,3.664727272727273,84.46209090909093,84.45454545454547,6.247272727272727,26.981818181818184,7.554174236665415,1.8956781818181816,170,8,32,3,5,59,38,44,0.126,0.81,0.064,-0.3804,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,11,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,4,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012926250404876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525017386190157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954056863036029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384525754647712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456432428434576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29932359411880105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423066121627489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InDePenDeNtLyBiZzArE,2018/03/05,"Sorry, I just needed to vent(Very Long Thread) People say they vibe with me pretty well and that they enjoy my company because I am so loving and caring. Reason being, I've been through alot when I was young and I only want to be the ""rainbow in somebody else's cloud "". So I make it my duty to make any individual I meet, a happy person. I would assure them that they are beautiful. And I would say these things out of my heart and not just for the benefit of said indvidual. 

 The laughs and the happy smiles I share though? They are there for the spur of the moment. When I get home, that's when the sappy, negative, and self harming me comes to play.

 Ever since I was 6 I could remember being physically abused. I remember the constant hair pulls, the bruises, the scars, the bloodied nose, etc. The origin of those injuries came from my mother and her girlfriend. Mainly my mother's girlfriend. I'd remember my mother's girlfriend would always beat me up. Everything was ""Yes aunty, No aunty"" and if I should ever step out of line then I'd received a five finger discount slap to my face. I remember her pulling on my hair, leaving bald spots for children in my school to see and poke fun at. I remember when I got my first punch to my nose because I didn't do the laundry. I remember being made fun of because of my lips. The very way I ate (which wasn't disgusting) had upset her. To this day, because of the constant mocking, I've ALWAYS covered my mouth when eating. I remember the words; ""You're a faggot,  so gay, you're so darker than your brothers, you look like your father, you're stupid, is something wrong with you?!"" 

 You'd assume she'd be able to write a book about me because apparently she knew me so well. This ongoing pain had lasted me about 10 years til she left to Utah. Within those 10 years, I've chosen to forgive her, and I had even admitted that I chugged alot of pills whenever she abused me. (Which explains why my liver  enzymes were high.) I had let bygones be bygones, but to this day I can't forget what was done to me those years.

 On to my mother. In my earlier childhood, mom was there for me and what not. But, the torch of abuse had been passed onto her. She started psychically abusing me the year after her girlfriend left. That's when I was around 16 years old if my memory serves me right.

 Mom's abuse game was on a whole new level. I remember being beaten by this broom, that in my polynesian culture, is made out of the palm leave stems. The stems have been dried out, so the bristles were hard. I remember the reason she beaten me with that broom; her good friend offered to buy food using her EBT for us and she offered to buy soda and snacks, I suggested healthy alternatives because my mom is pre diabetic, and so she ( mom's friend) obliged. When I got home and mother had asked where the sodas and snacks were I told her ""I told aunty sally we don't need junks."" At that moment, she grabbed me by my hair amd threw me towards the couch. She grabbed the broom (sālu kua niu) and started beating me with it. Bits and pieces of the stems presented themselves within my skin. I had to use tweezers to get them out myself. My skin, heated red because her slaps were very hard for a woman's ""gentle touch"". I remember getting ready for church this one time and she didn't like the way I was ironing (although I've been the main who has been waking up at 3am to iron her clothes for work and prepare her medications since I was 9.) So, she ended up burning me with the iron and stomping on my crotch. She once threw her phone but it missed and hit the glass mirror. I sat next to that mirror because I was ironing her clothes, and all I could feel were shards of glass between my fingers. Hence why I hate my fucking hands. She has put me through hell and I always found a way to forgive her. ALWAYS did.

 It just kills me everytime. I mean she beats me one time and loves me the next, it's just too damn confusing. That's where the mental abuse comes in. The whole mind game, being that I was 9, confused the shit out of me. Regardless of what i went through, I still thought to myself ""I love her, but I don't have to like her."" This, this ideal there, I've adopted from this movie I once watched. 

 One thing I am glad about going through what I went through, I have learned to love others. I mean with my brothers I can be a bitch,  but that's mainly because I'm the baby and they let me get away with shit like that. And they're tall samoans! You'd think that we all be meanies and bullies, but we're the sweetest 6ft three samoan stooges you'll ever meet. Aha.

 Sorry for the long post, it just feels good to share my story, because I felt like cutting today. I had slit my wrists and thighs yesterday; total of 35 cuts. But today I just had to vent what was on my mind. Now I feel a sort of relief.",3.1557396653673813,4.766548311271978,3.8760237849017583,89.3546015299764,74.16028955532575,6.448116034258745,24.806949858139106,7.010146845296331,0.8867137432715513,3775,120,781,36,78,1199,396,967,0.099,0.774,0.128,0.9774,1,0,1,0,5,0,135.0,3,7,7,8,40,54,15,3,48,1,75,40,23,9,7,130,130,58,1,13,17,12,17,5,6,5,4,3,6,4,43,49,7,1,28,4,3,14,10,22,2,6,54,26,159,32,103,53,13,100,2,1,4,6,99,36,6,8,51,521,202,7,0.045568763445008084,0.3239491993379593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166744649510358,0.0,0.0,0.03098832176208725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056586060493757,0.042600642490185456,0.0,0.04281335328854966,0.0,0.0,0.2777829524210619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049749287475690566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211852572399235,0.046460391331067434,0.0,0.0,0.0785069095476175,0.0,0.09848728936851704,0.0,0.0727658992936203,0.0,0.0,0.05877616522457669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663266614098549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662822125850877,0.03806685460229277,0.0,0.04036039888670926,0.0,0.05082121679980015,0.03009773848618427,0.12365866619085555,0.0,0.0,0.04095426629354431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912280795781779,0.0,0.04375315904358562,0.0,0.0,0.038760766907510284,0.055101929637846325,0.04996379707236345,0.07041262719881622,0.0421275875196384,0.0952311924746589,0.0,0.025897778398363783,0.07644183356466967,0.07289100582547188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701759206984856,0.08164132285883023,0.04498971977171015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399920408737624,0.0,0.048145900478373437,0.09141837037042047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504150851779046,0.0,0.0,0.03714462418952002,0.0,0.09650148175648267,0.0990211896308073,0.0931942960014044,0.0,0.11131298026040627,0.0,0.0,0.08065384336694534,0.038266284507466386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451035252971294,0.08623653155654472,0.060835006893580214,0.0,0.0,0.09927548466475873,0.0,0.04590573509378676,0.04592259566502199,0.0,0.09202292177043553,0.21347834000358992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757732138953693,0.0,0.044010595692126925,0.0969257937802322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047816751744446336,0.09705849173075956,0.09263572031761452,0.03465709800705265,0.04848837714219688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03159164293036333,0.03978888657103774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364227901065999,0.0463598146897483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045809193439150526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370455657660563,0.0,0.0,0.5162052588365228,0.03891547499854354,0.04334632917803221,0.07247621937542065,0.0,0.046118021406520215,0.03631240465797956,0.0,0.04753815845117201,0.0,0.0935513616711486,0.0753899040326379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03508106038832135,0.0,0.1020209998141482,0.06450761061503002,0.0,0.03639127335075487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054772321315571,0.02919862362953823,0.04477107871947127,0.03617650809506586,0.0531430248381452,0.0,0.08638771906042415,0.08708581255632268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054813611690487984,0.07871356143564058,0.0,0.11279700656732225,0.02687763732581571,0.10851109011390003,0.0,0.0,0.08194358185109582,0.0844854004948552,0.08223744248274238,0.1017517940639826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03317460250931915,0.0,0.0,0.09711222635891638,0.04982228932278751,0.0,0.14672394813994544
suicidewatch,salted_slug,2018/03/05,"I don't want to die. I want to cease to exist. I don't know what to do at this point in my life. I have let down every single person I have ever had any real relationship with. My family, my girlfriend(s), my friends... I keep fucking up. I hurt everyone. I lost my job and house 2 weeks ago. Haven't told anyone. I've been living out of my car, I'm out of money, and so far in debt I can't even get a loan. I know I could reach out to those who still, for some fucking reason, want me around... but why? I'm just going to let them down again. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because of them. I don't want them to hurt, but if I continue to exist I will hurt them. It's just a never ending cycle of pain for those around me. I don't know what to do. I just want it to end, as painlessly as possible.",0.04342096615182457,1.623801899441343,2.623733158067697,95.00574761748275,83.07821229050279,5.5525468287873805,16.116003943476837,6.522977012572876,-0.4997896155110091,616,10,151,6,17,214,97,179,0.155,0.782,0.063,-0.9135,2,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,4,1,11,9,3,0,3,0,18,4,0,2,2,30,35,8,2,7,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,5,0,3,2,8,8,0,0,4,0,30,1,30,27,2,25,0,4,0,2,9,13,2,2,10,106,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899822530044637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836182472070475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597775641964701,0.0,0.0,0.21892416028675085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495637796644376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817499963520504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761494541072335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781533297572045,0.0,0.0,0.0812151156952911,0.11122599666445286,0.1036006280594916,0.11749527868060168,0.0,0.0,0.11591745096266433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499998923484318,0.22735242356773444,0.06424247056120334,0.0,0.06988203016780138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188141934555673,0.3948994816564236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220206229122586,0.1092941063079474,0.13603902424067366,0.0,0.20272978481791895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25147356288478473,0.08685156267751014,0.0,0.0,0.10857753082198167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422734069537098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948357280761989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351799722752736,0.13084003508396747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736550946301092,0.0,0.0,0.11623865503437016,0.13862096520292685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995745932335202,0.0,0.2528504394786437,0.0,0.13201496655710748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819746014595718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749527868060168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626303062660668,0.0,0.0986325468829768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095390786232308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidalCunt900,2018/03/05,"i never feel happy anymore hi, i'm fifteen years old and what i feel isn't just the usual teen angst. i lay awake at night because of the voice in my head and the problems and dark thoughts that haunt me. i feel angry and sad at the same time but i just want to let it out on my self. i've seen many people die i front of me, for example someone who i won't name so i'll just say his name is bob. bob's brother had alot of trouble about money with dangerous people from the street that we lived in (i'm poor so we live in the bad part of the slums) and the three men who he owed money for found bob and beat him and I up. i saw hi get shot in the head before they stabbed me in the back and left me for dead. i've always hated my life since and i'm only motivated to take my own life.
i've tried many times but survived most. i feel like i don't belong anywhere, even at school people call me poor and i'm almost hated by my family.
our dog that we had for 6 years recently got run over and he was my only friend. i am interested in only science and making others happy so i put on a fake smile when i hang out with my ""friends"" who constantly talk shit about me aswell.
even if i have been beat and get verbally abused daily i love my parents but can never stop thinking about death and murder. i feel psychopathic but i will never act upon my thoughts.
my parents haven't said even ""i love you"" since i was twelve and i feel the hate from everyone.
i don't know what to do anymore. i have nothing and no one. i'm all alone and can't dying or killing off my head.
i have no one to help me.
i've been beaten by police for being an immigrant so i can't even feel safe when i'm outside.
",1.1469467213114757,2.657698322404375,2.9596960382513693,94.21446209016396,79.43715846994536,5.777185792349727,19.907445355191253,6.4784943948869325,-0.04327841530054677,1310,31,309,11,32,437,187,366,0.233,0.648,0.119,-0.9951,3,1,0,0,1,0,28.0,4,1,1,5,17,22,8,0,14,0,23,8,4,2,4,61,56,29,6,3,9,3,7,1,2,2,2,3,0,2,10,24,0,2,13,0,5,5,12,13,0,3,13,12,51,9,39,39,6,40,0,1,2,2,31,19,1,5,17,187,61,3,0.0,0.10352933842060187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749703398072481,0.09049786507115926,0.0,0.0,0.07270598489363295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733121597589571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718874054423722,0.07295747109857195,0.053265176171042095,0.0,0.07435274257408629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922330776763716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944252117183687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137035790078207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308509329091579,0.0,0.0,0.08349398527487119,0.0,0.0,0.08237275618611893,0.0,0.30926867635977834,0.0624232806617808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580611157158436,0.1350169605342018,0.0,0.09130341152923324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988463893732873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603226325630204,0.0,0.2588047965477949,0.2690269197558256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585680256143107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667146130726967,0.0,0.048020986767699836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493709143022283,0.08935052621815735,0.12343616146497655,0.04268876438973812,0.0,0.1543137879484706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772517415274984,0.0,0.05832588593560178,0.17717634705758914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217526114519,0.0,0.0,0.08199888556540756,0.0,0.08384211171293687,0.0,0.09168912935068237,0.0,0.11841998508652896,0.1993660606059673,0.0,0.0,0.1940471626300937,0.0946224957250096,0.0,0.18173193259906534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360950789355495,0.0,0.08783961497720376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862758141294714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311704659745016,0.06948696022553633,0.0,0.08843179588481961,0.0,0.0,0.09115492375177886,0.0,0.08969286482529272,0.1445609417286884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403559398168166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305241204670558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569782370868105,0.07023159911976025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559886709398148,0.0,0.13873767703469114,0.10190231458031132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932432550955991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623516982865507,0.0,0.05153815505030975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253789158866286
suicidewatch,AnimeFan321,2018/03/05,"""you have no future"" ""You have no future"" is what my mom just told me and that's cuz I didn't graduate high school on time. I'm 18 almost 19 and For awhile I've been having ""thoughts"" and that phrase brought them back. I think I've been having these thoughts for about 2 years maybe... Yeah about 2 years now cuz I'm sure they started when I realized I wasn't graduating, then it worsened when I further proved my worth when I was caught shoplifting (it didn't go on my permanent record). I'm usually good at fighting away these thoughts but for the past 2 weeks they've grown more... Louder. If you're still reading this I don't wanna try a prevention hotline. Anyways, I say they've grown louder cuz just the other day I find myself searching up how to tie a noose and after that I searched up for suicide note ideas and to top it all off I grabbed one of our small kitchen knifes and hid it in my room. TBH I'm only writing this cuz I need to get it off my chest and then I think I'll be ok... For now that is. Thank you for reading this and pls don't comment saying to call a prevention.

Edit: I forgot to Menton that when my mom told me that my only thought was ""you're right that I have no future, cuz I might just kill myself to where you won't have to deal with me, your only embarrassment, anymore""",1.9782687576875768,3.7531185166051664,2.8779566420664224,94.54074800123004,77.85608856088561,5.697478474784749,22.36177736777368,6.42735559955562,0.25676740467404624,1022,30,229,8,24,323,144,271,0.109,0.838,0.053,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,2,2,33.0,1,5,2,1,16,7,2,1,5,2,20,2,1,6,3,40,40,22,2,3,5,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,19,9,1,3,10,2,1,5,9,3,0,1,16,3,36,4,28,21,2,43,0,0,0,0,19,16,0,3,22,145,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308876953761129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962970365660545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280682753350175,0.10050831445322046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347004574020555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429746599346216,0.13475679705677462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946703876308545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829084696557136,0.0,0.07428579545810315,0.1096337748605144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810283106401924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475562564470068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461181372087442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131316276689119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386631958464402,0.0,0.3061731407286274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692018746030362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857282486777752,0.2982337002952353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477797266974085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26149176564949217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116260619512976,0.0,0.20789248889546716,0.0,0.13228601513377816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251757223974552,0.0,0.10438558269403116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297608353604574,0.0,0.123193109443363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034067674548135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750803480031742,0.0,0.41507817997365604,0.0762183499377068,0.0,0.0,0.2497989889074973,0.0,0.0887438567048935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395916089882926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484808735045234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834656676215828
suicidewatch,throwawayuk222,2018/03/05,"Need help I don't want someone to tell me not to do whatever. I'm okay to make my mind up when the time is right.

Does anyone know where I can get something to make it easy?

Pm if need be.

Thanks ",-1.7065151515151484,0.2095134999999999,0.4109090909090938,105.17803030303033,95.8181818181818,3.8424242424242414,14.151515151515152,5.46131890053228,-1.2975030303030302,150,3,40,1,6,49,36,44,0.026,0.7509999999999999,0.223,0.8473,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,9,14,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,13,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512780999377486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567259148779049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532712394876807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966365490598886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122587403977326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39164717645646746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962152822938921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350532442776189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505323280443352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24856743172506335,0.2258469087086563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564141667368933,0.270091315383233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106364155283652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303443043724756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CubeThe3DBox,2018/03/05,"My best friend committed suicide and I want to join I've had really bad depression for a long time and my best friend died recently. She was the last trace of fun and life left in me, and now there's none anymore.
I'm thinking of killing myself, I feel guilty for hurting people in my past and I deserve to die. Nobody would cry.
Apart from the suicidal-ness, I don't really feel anything anymore. The depression got so bad that I don't feel anything. No sad, no happy, no fun, nothing. I stabbed myself with things a few times recently. It hurts just like I deserve 

-- I don't really want help because I deserve this",1.6513231850117087,4.178751860655741,2.9938173302107742,89.11950819672133,83.672131147541,6.436533957845433,25.107728337236534,7.7094869923839395,1.5626023419203752,485,20,96,9,14,157,77,122,0.32,0.448,0.232,-0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,16,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,15,14,6,4,3,1,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,3,16,8,10,10,4,12,0,5,0,0,4,4,0,0,9,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699504543039022,0.0,0.0,0.2239983999882333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272766376613738,0.08296566453241644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856583728497791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950012193462256,0.0,0.0,0.2344465003866887,0.0,0.28250187742552235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644966318430324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103019769970647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885208548686996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488162299479515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912253655153509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29139702146759955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057515257102916,0.0,0.0,0.11094015679620003,0.0,0.0,0.14787370371198222,0.0,0.09613188108481267,0.06649188006605793,0.0,0.0,0.12044475108553655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059219952128084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992342595546785,0.0943550216650977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615685945900351,0.0,0.2687658529220555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887196998996413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041919326802074,0.08720777109405077,0.0,0.0,0.15872271255423265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055132414443332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668196366825298,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blueskytodarksky,2018/03/05,"1 pair of eyes can only handle so much Well had enough now thinking about plotting way to get out of this its effectively game over I've got no job 1 reliable friend the rest are snakes or they pretend to be your mate so they feel better about their life. That's not the point somethings been haunting me for the past 8 years to cut a story short someone in my life told me lies an false hope an still trying to figure out wtf happened I remember her telling me that her cousin was going to be good in a sport I enjoyed watching for my local team as well now it's happened it's fuck ed with my mind even more cant make sense of this so to stop the suffering I have to die soon been looking at helium tanks with a death bag but it's not full proof train would be good but be harsh on the driver 

Would have gone long time ago if had access to a gun but in the UK it's difficult",3.267387906211436,3.9952484331550844,3.9654545454545485,92.2527972027972,72.68983957219251,7.037268613739202,23.475524475524484,7.010146845296331,0.5321932538050183,695,17,160,6,13,221,127,187,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.098,-0.877,1,0,1,1,0,0,1.0,0,1,3,3,12,12,2,0,12,0,16,4,1,2,1,23,29,9,2,4,7,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,4,0,2,4,4,2,0,8,4,15,8,26,15,5,25,0,1,3,1,13,12,1,3,10,101,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477525651217016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741571508243326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298846362247225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222593123410812,0.0,0.11009116559061896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427887364877147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877725354969274,0.15409381059267033,0.08708389323779499,0.0,0.09472859933952067,0.2796080695857455,0.1333099461290479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947907472187816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555174770702266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540507869131565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354633047475465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750735557267974,0.1399699803419784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126079822744626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830019842540614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252964355118873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676833900115586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911578393336304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575673310302462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888169725954872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122818970533704,0.1283191037784454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311158585388289,0.1393526998583586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568645752074408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068023934918966,0.0,0.0,0.09719297597937804,0.0,0.0,0.15927074745387607,0.0,0.11316539311183613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230354384302054,0.0,0.0,0.2997323019069506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368106648690721,0.0,0.0,0.10733703781896316
suicidewatch,PhscZ,2018/03/05,"i dont have joy anymore im a pretty young person that just hates everything, school, work, parents, noises while im home, but theres one thing that keeps me living, that is music  
im pretty good with it, i play 6 instruments, and i know about the musical theory, even tho i wish i didnt so i would be a ignorant fucker that likes lady gaga or smth  
anyway, lately, ive been starting to play some really hard songs, from eruption from van halen to fantaisie impromptu from chopin, and i just dont know what to do with my life, it looks like theres no reason for me to live anymore...  
i cant even live of music because i live in brazil, and theres really no way to make money out of high quality music, like metal or orchestras, the only popular stuff that might get me money here are some retarded pop and funk songs(brazilian funk, not like the american one), just google about them  
everyday i hear it, and it makes me want to die  
my parents arent buying a new instrument for me in a while because its just expensive as fuck  
some times i try to compose but i just dont have the high quality recording equipment i need to make high quality stuff like i want  
and i dont have any friends, also i play dota 2, im a 5k mmr player that just plays one match, then uninstalls, then a week later i reinstall it, play another match, and uninstall  
i just dont know what to do, this probably feels stupid but idk",2.9868707899571336,4.577113816901409,4.266497244335579,86.46674525413349,74.56338028169014,7.896876913655848,24.319657072872015,8.587818076936951,1.5594156766687082,1100,34,227,21,23,362,151,284,0.146,0.6859999999999999,0.168,0.5716,3,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,1,19,19,4,0,10,0,20,3,0,4,0,42,38,20,1,5,13,2,2,5,1,2,1,2,1,1,18,10,0,2,5,7,4,0,11,5,0,3,2,5,27,14,24,33,3,19,0,0,1,2,6,6,2,6,17,140,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675134135390656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676281309181611,0.08752611377836028,0.0,0.0,0.16556064501762616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176570341192642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662921713887214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891341144966029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026297695590756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501791742000871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042205200813116815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644891134743549,0.07716714686085317,0.04360989940380793,0.0,0.0,0.07001110844821043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747731869054314,0.08240985342998312,0.0,0.0,0.09407733779514543,0.0,0.0,0.2645735484779942,0.08372773314951333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606499228446288,0.0,0.0,0.07419242971015336,0.0,0.0,0.1376196376763296,0.0,0.0941583775784276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895769384867178,0.20389738888489173,0.0,0.294823978922132,0.0,0.07009421071240578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715165243142127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854902656167668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189232983847625,0.0,0.08061634432840037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968534528538884,0.06348308861585078,0.0,0.0,0.1853682595240877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288323481675253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698390455868408,0.08999533380070017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694669965357956,0.08582159227023453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447661830029862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908086072638561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110754096373897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055454101746294115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867232903383592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667100110147201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846614576859457,0.06625501023485833,0.06695501293665405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959869738114076,0.0,0.0,0.060767529654853415,0.0,0.0,0.05929505956106582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,binkerfluid,2018/03/05,"my family is falling apart and I think of killing myself every day. We are stuck living in the same place because she cannot afford to live on her own and I cannot afford to pay her and keep the house.

I dont want us to move because we finally have our son in a good school and I dont want to screw everything up with his life but I dont see anyway out for myself and I dont see anyway I will ever be happy.",0.6514130434782608,2.0141332717391336,3.1319565217391343,93.09076086956526,80.41304347826087,5.9043478260869575,18.02173913043478,6.6274283507984215,-0.1766565217391305,319,6,76,3,8,111,61,92,0.09,0.802,0.108,0.5535,2,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,4,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,11,2,0,0,1,16,18,6,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,1,1,0,1,2,6,2,0,0,1,2,18,2,12,15,2,12,0,0,2,1,9,7,1,0,3,55,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948862399511953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494510847337707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6901657923372835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331694622619421,0.1240397060257696,0.0,0.13231238345785226,0.0,0.13878648044883302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612729724534512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348165539501085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671906746046074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987280748950476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085643466371796,0.16287778260529318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039862644096207,0.0,0.0,0.2599969760111633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564722002541262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538141938747667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899510807788072,0.2346315167726809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433301669774882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708825636670933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366904980324294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Natbear42,2018/03/05,"Text line not available I just tried texting the crisis text line and it said ""this campaign is not available with you service provider"". Wtf? ",4.214266666666667,7.4608429600000035,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,79.4,3.333333333333334,32.333333333333336,3.1291,1.1459333333333337,114,6,19,0,3,31,21,25,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8139418148423316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809464020468424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JestersJest,2018/03/05,"Bliss used to be nice Let me just start off as I thought I had everything, but it seemed to just be a lie.

I had friends, but they are no where. I try my best to initiate and talk, not just that; I try and I plan things to do. I get ignored. Everyone ignores me, things seem pointless of course. I did try making other friends, but of course... I didn't have hope, along with family, with they always fight. 

I am told I was a disappointment many times, from people I care about to family. I know it's just me, who can I blame. I am ghost, if I was hated that means someone cares to take that time out their day. 

Life was getting me down, I didn't have anything. Until I met someone, but it seemed to be a lie. Even in the end, I really meant little to nothing. Even when I clung on to the happiness I had. I try to do what I can, to be the best as they would like.

The only real thing I have is cancer, I don't want it to take me. I rather do it myself. I try to fight, I try to do my best, to not give up... but look all that hurt. Things are pointless and I can't trust anyone. 

Used to laugh and joke all the time, with a smile on my face, with positivity. Taking the day without any problems and I could handle anything. You can guess how I changed.

Thank you",0.5336041486603307,2.326943468164796,2.292153558052437,96.91959593777013,82.48314606741573,5.456006914433882,18.50893114376261,6.490185161304077,-0.2783966004033425,954,22,232,9,26,314,134,267,0.16,0.624,0.21600000000000005,0.9672,0,0,0,0,2,0,47.0,0,2,4,4,11,23,3,0,10,0,33,3,1,4,2,47,60,16,1,7,14,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,16,11,0,2,7,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,13,1,46,15,36,40,5,18,0,2,1,0,15,9,0,6,10,170,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279678108652172,0.0,0.0,0.06766734332161561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957675574405192,0.0,0.16376955874602087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31327553462104263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029055510132406,0.0,0.10526392236916687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944726931988362,0.0,0.0,0.1283459937557956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813258714144555,0.0,0.0,0.13144525986176894,0.0,0.0,0.09508203803247248,0.08942937984981965,0.0,0.18761038919734874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375583922936198,0.0,0.1039753273117485,0.09545501226085497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961683622208776,0.0,0.0,0.1059257542442774,0.0,0.0982413580544458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883169272110012,0.0,0.0,0.10652299665569127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054685774971355725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175140286007116,0.07028387590050525,0.048613498396344205,0.09973093373199172,0.0,0.0,0.08355979492175437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642088153475192,0.10088324394819843,0.0,0.10839096669715127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547848061591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756786304008014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898477964296179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952135939282312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132593634377942,0.06374595134024337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717589777125421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862185077280245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043070398999109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444789113687885,0.07997897760662026,0.0,0.09161155417970482,0.0,0.0,0.26442887778578417,0.0,0.0,0.07899647526059321,0.1740678634267722,0.0,0.0,0.09508203803247248,0.0,0.4053473616654686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188209244196945,0.0,0.0,0.058691087776976125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959200220728656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068605190697948,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CorsairToHeaven,2018/03/05,"Is there a logical reason to not take one's life? So, I'm not at risk or anything like that, I'm just looking for some insight from people who are familiar with this subject manner. Things are quite good in my life, but I can't shake the feeling that it isn't worth going through the suffering in life just to feel the joy. Why not just end things now and I'll have no more responsibility or pain? Because as it stands, living requires a lot of effort that I just don't think is necessarily worth living for. I know that's very intense, amd again, I'm not at risk or anything, I just want to have a back-and-forth with some of you with. Thanks.",3.9135505430242254,4.6112180827067695,4.7237092731829575,87.51675856307438,71.18045112781955,7.414870509607352,26.055973266499585,7.3871296695380915,1.032385797827903,507,15,112,5,9,164,83,133,0.124,0.718,0.158,0.3924,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,9,9,0,3,6,0,9,4,0,1,0,29,21,7,0,1,13,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,7,0,2,2,8,5,0,1,0,3,6,4,17,21,4,10,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,6,4,72,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241777163907482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145714676716934,0.0,0.12007058830943655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445623629865598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991870786108062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194212823706692,0.16520840907561035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108249114090644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173754859506843,0.09622919556333648,0.0,0.34785480186403006,0.0,0.16540450928260034,0.0,0.0,0.1674561592645816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347141884292069,0.0,0.20958910253097227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655363366433748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950097599359624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202517129603646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809631564946446,0.0,0.0,0.18134276392013302,0.0,0.0,0.2617151514748359,0.12620990188448472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252020771421616,0.11617752990063154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773405484219418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youngrose22,2018/03/05,"Selfishness. What is more selfish committing suicide? I can understand how that’s selfish. Or living your life for other people (family & friends) forcing yourself to get out of bed every day just to feel the same or worse, forcing yourself to fake smile and talk to them, when every day you just want this pain to stop, to stop hurting. Their pain will be temporary, Ive been contemplating suicide for four years. I can’t keep living like this. ",5.9090650406504075,7.633136573170731,5.569268292682928,79.47552845528456,67.41463414634146,8.393495934959349,31.959349593495933,8.841846274778883,2.765920325203252,357,15,61,6,6,110,62,82,0.368,0.56,0.07200000000000001,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,2,2,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,1,15,12,5,2,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,1,7,2,10,9,2,7,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,7,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991301390907124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23705125169839975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096922848000657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173255417989419,0.0,0.09292683003221468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419912421053358,0.0,0.09601967604808002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967448219688261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163355870189575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981223853492835,0.08978769268184633,0.0,0.3245696886982181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911187621874875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741284619773294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073036953064852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020602418557068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771880443172386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132586749429928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084007019926525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729183400725252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835102010418938
suicidewatch,ArkansasTheAdjective,2018/03/05,"There's no meaning to life at all. I've been spending my time alone for hours thinking about life.
I've been thinking about my future, I've been thinking about everything life related so I can ease the pain.

I sat down in the middle of all of this and asked myself ""Why do we exist?"".
It's been 65 million years and we're still waiting for that one answer.

Human society has advanced while this has all been happening, we've lived in caves and now in massive buildings.
We're going to space, we've created artificial intelligence, we've created cars, planes and also claimed about every single piece of land on this entire planet.

We still can't get this one answer.
Is there one? I'm not sure, most likely not. 
If there was one, how dome we haven't discovered it?

Enjoyment out of something doesn't exist, it's just a complete lie.

If it is true, nothing is ever made to last.

Everything always break after a while, even our planet will.
Black holes are travelling by lightyears all the time, this very second it just has.

And when something breaks, you won't be happy.
You've been se close to that one thing over the time that you've had it, humans will eventually break, aka death.

Why should we have to experience this and just do what we think is good to avoid everything bad?

Exactly, it's a good thing.

We don't suffer bad things, when we kill ourselves, we avoid the future.
Even if something new comes, like said before, we shouldn't get attached to it too much or it will break.

Everything you like is going to lead up to a halt, and end.

It's better to not experience it.

Look around you right now, everything you see is going to fall into shambles.
Nothing is immortal.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, will stay in one piece.
You'll probably cry when you lose your mother.

She's raised you for decades, and she's the one who was willing to go throuh labor just to see you, then raise you.
It's better to just not experience the bad things in life.

Even Reddit karma doesn't do anything.


I'll most likely kill myself some time near today.

*Signing Out*
ArkansasTheAdjective

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suicidewatch,Cookie0927,2018/03/05,"Not suicidal, but very fucking tense I've posted here before and some of it has changed but still kinda feeling that way. I've been stressed since then cuz of classes. I've also been feeling kinda lonely because some of my friends don't talk anymore. Again, I'm super tense and anything could push me off the edge really quickly. I don't know what to do.",3.5124761904761925,5.518538914285713,3.962857142857143,87.43047619047621,74.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,28.809523809523807,6.42735559955562,1.3760952380952378,284,12,53,2,6,89,52,70,0.168,0.657,0.175,-0.1049,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,14,12,7,1,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,3,2,5,9,2,8,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,4,4,33,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617991060119087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556898355632214,0.0,0.0,0.21216528124430775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716570788064274,0.0,0.2193872668701784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727411597776673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584963858254185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607247840734054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919239645533196,0.2383519959061997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416920570061989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469219084343936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651671751190733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132727644204576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589673293485028,0.0,0.2953338723091793,0.0,0.0,0.2820150803217709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722730655770394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272989372291146,0.0,0.2046468551797066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,senj1,2018/03/05,"I texted the crisis line. we agreed on staying somewhere away from windows to stay on the ground floor as much as possible. but after that the convo just ended. I'm scared. I'm going to the ER soon, but I still feel like shit. 

I feel slightly better though. ",1.4752941176470602,4.0071611372549025,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,84.68627450980392,4.184313725490196,18.303921568627448,5.46131890053228,-0.3675254901960785,202,5,40,1,6,63,38,51,0.19,0.672,0.138,-0.6236,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,2,9,5,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,5,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462350188052665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317905630419925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321271943329617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26503344727758377,0.18723170127072852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489474535656433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280402102725363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266070141967595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29545849953427594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623901783011424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690237920059674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5586898817701301,0.20929932344886587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574946030534234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eykgeiifseuk,2018/03/05,I think i might be hiv positive Throw away account btw. I(20m) have had some really sketchy unsafe sex in my past and i think its catching up to me. Recently ive been really sick like the flu then a rash broke out across my body. Im sitting in the er about to shit myself cause i dont know what im gonna do.,-0.11881987577639565,1.6492435362318858,2.277474120082818,96.2908695652174,84.65217391304348,6.2616977225672885,18.552795031055894,7.447530270364453,0.17920124223602496,240,6,60,4,7,82,54,69,0.21,0.7020000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.8366,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,8,7,3,1,0,8,12,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,9,1,9,7,1,12,0,1,0,2,0,6,1,2,4,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718728013853015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859500896300914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484041951598805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833980536735777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223898883892081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328917649537802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813554083949347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565208706419453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308338127560941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098177537650325,0.0,0.23875696823876244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24821320661430696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309882565912329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mreloquent,2018/03/05,"Nothing left to live for I just keep feeling and have felt for years now that I find myself unable to feel like I belong anywhere, I have friends etc. but I just feel like I'm simply there but make no impact on their lives at all and everyone's would be no different if I ceased to exist. With this in my mind I have also had a lot of negative impact on a lot of people so I just feel like it'd be better for everyone if I just end it now, even more so now that my gf and son have exited my life I don't have anything else to live for.",2.589661016949151,2.9720741949152583,4.362500000000002,90.05697033898306,74.0,7.594915254237289,22.377118644067803,7.6454224807358475,0.6568779661016944,417,9,99,5,8,142,71,118,0.08900000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.129,0.4118,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,12,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,1,25,19,10,0,3,8,1,5,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,15,5,15,13,5,11,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,4,8,74,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127475427322449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117601909295568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098000152639306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665433912226752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316169857238844,0.0,0.14118474791162908,0.0,0.17777774453078635,0.10528492626670688,0.0,0.0,0.3046349598019613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223980761888897,0.3416350327362694,0.1530529652901978,0.0,0.1456924894308873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315523749858225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416857173138897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319305657976136,0.0,0.11259185306042857,0.2336304222582816,0.0,0.4222703087576679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710393865375589,0.0,0.0,0.10640349636510532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095273300840526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295256447094702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051075475634893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323612233620785,0.0,0.0,0.1026510351836918
suicidewatch,Yolkgirl,2018/03/05,"I feel like a failed experiment I'm a 25-year-old girl. I was 15 when my life started going downhill. I had violent and nihilistic intrusive thoughts. At 16 I attempted suicide, something I deeply regret.

I feel like the meds I overdosed on (Truxal) have permanently damaged my brains. Every professional I've shared this with has told me not to worry about it.

I have problems with focusing, obsessions and anger. My goals change on a daily basis.

For example, I've thought about becoming a vegan for years, but it never leads anywhere. Sometimes when I read stuff online I strongly disagree with I can be extremely upset about it for several weeks. I have a pet that I'm not committed to caring for, yet everyone keeps praising me for how I'm such a good owner. Last but not least: I have messed up sexual fantasies about hurting innocent people.

There are days when I'm happy and energetic, but most of the time I'm either bored or on the edge of hurting myself. I don't think life is worth living, but I'm scared of death.",4.803692307692309,6.558319420512824,5.757948717948718,76.93538461538462,70.17948717948718,9.0974358974359,30.948717948717945,9.558583805096642,3.097164102564103,817,35,144,19,15,269,126,195,0.222,0.618,0.159,-0.9151,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,6,11,21,2,3,9,0,12,3,1,2,2,28,28,12,2,2,9,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,6,0,1,5,2,1,2,5,13,0,0,5,2,20,8,22,22,3,18,1,5,0,0,5,5,0,2,13,91,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978081607951798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716116102048731,0.0,0.0,0.1567362348862631,0.0,0.1626241448705017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914202802025136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952271273542085,0.14689396689349055,0.0,0.15037576363409855,0.0,0.0,0.15545928268049986,0.219647039070596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736732863814811,0.1289399942345839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364662095077187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32913862319174403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664076560298302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530907241492706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716567194634726,0.15020775262664293,0.0,0.13574489457825634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707574722067849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185647326154663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131197818611834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065758385781254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709720998541526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376988887837742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539088342249175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173669208219668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834754644880405,0.15204120747657215,0.0,0.10880967335447377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598211038379782,0.1681537957648194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850287955914533,0.0,0.24408617782612066,0.08964020087825064,0.0,0.0,0.14689396689349055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331155974219316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611853843034135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979919543529511
suicidewatch,likesunday,2018/03/05,"I think I'm ready to die ?! I guess everyone though about suicide before, and I did too, but today was the first day I felt no emotion connected to it. 

I usually felt sad or overwhelmed or like everything's just 'too much'. But I've been thinking lately and I've always had this 'waiting room' vibe to my life. Studying didn't really do anything for me, it never felt like I was achieving anything or that there was a purpose to what I'm doing, it mostly annoyed me and felt like I was just passing time. I'm currently studying English and we mostly write 'research' papers on ridiculous topics like 'rap song lyrics and their deeper meaning'. I mean I get it but it seems so unnecessary and pointless to rephrase what other people said about things that could or can't be connected to the topic. 

Working part time just annoys me as well, even though I really like my coworkers and it's a nice environment. Still nothing really gets to me and it all seems like time and life's passing and I just don't belong in it. When I had these thoughts before I was mostly sad, but now I feel content about it. I've tried so many things, so many therapists, prescribed drugs and even a mental institution (after suicide attempt), but it seems a bit pointless and a waste of time. I feel like I lost myself on the way somewhere, I was a very excited and happy person once. I wanted a big family and a house with a dog and all the stupid stereotypical things. I thought about doing something about it, trying to get what I once wanted. But I would feel terrible if I'd bring a child into this, what if I'd still be this way, what if my child knew? I don't want to be selfish.

Now my BF left for university and I sat down with my laptop and suddenly it hit me, I could hang myself. And I felt nothing, I wasn't scared or sad, I was content and I felt nothing. 

I've never felt this way about it, maybe this means I'm finally ready to die? ",3.4910937500000045,5.008978838541669,4.612937500000001,84.78831250000002,73.11458333333334,7.307500000000001,26.34166666666667,7.908726449838941,1.5335454166666669,1510,52,299,21,30,495,172,384,0.163,0.728,0.109,-0.9783,1,0,2,0,1,3,39.0,1,0,1,5,26,23,4,2,14,0,25,3,0,0,4,78,63,40,4,9,18,0,10,7,1,1,3,2,1,3,30,23,0,1,21,2,0,4,8,12,1,1,26,12,42,11,28,30,8,35,0,5,0,0,8,8,0,15,27,203,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061153365105625315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095952871304184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250769223438676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023702939691378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735885872874073,0.0,0.0,0.04739791398285506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255150909888526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852303617213189,0.0,0.0,0.08267149284940012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708493328177333,0.0,0.0,0.07022720582229595,0.0660521755237166,0.0,0.06928413446535298,0.0,0.11148318007205114,0.05250453149057198,0.4939641511594341,0.08050970291167173,0.0,0.06251443893190461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519362956443467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096254853443935,0.0,0.0,0.0782363304271442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848028597457587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290506983842044,0.0,0.07985205926021327,0.0,0.1038227686530614,0.25134012267587064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022799884255734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902390574235347,0.07383516827827755,0.24017137889657397,0.0,0.0,0.07406523480677864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402696122521698,0.0,0.1133670777192527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156005009665407,0.0,0.0,0.15653862496073806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958745124961121,0.0,0.050951877124651816,0.06417261881450709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124749966698594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991016082804298,0.0,0.07358088019244499,0.0,0.0,0.20072007349440232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056579706292840225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738570812948558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078224960101598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533285385869925,0.14647956866952305,0.09418469857110892,0.14441607273676402,0.1166929494184156,0.17142108611154475,0.0,0.06966425355509441,0.0,0.0,0.09979596983215563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094387945013554,0.06064071260148556,0.13004699478067006,0.17500969298534258,0.0,0.0,0.06608043973582076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350491819750873,0.0,0.0,0.0522084298860065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OutrageousTrash,2018/03/05,"I planned my suicide today. I have no idea if anybody's actually going to read this. I don't know why I'm posting. 

I've tried everything. Medication doesn't help, therapy doesn't help. I thought being in a relationship would make me happy, I thought getting a dog would make me happy, I thought moving out would make me happy. Nothing has changed, with the exception of brief periods of not actively wanting to die. 

I just don't feel like I can live with everything I've done to others, or what others have done to me. I've made so many mistakes. I knew if I could start over, I would in a heartbeat. But I can't. There's no changing what I've done and I don't think I can shoulder that burden anymore. 

I went through every option available to me - overdose, asphyxiation, even just shooting myself. Honestly, I put more thought into what I had for dinner on Friday. I don't deserve something quick, or something painless. It needs to hurt. I deserve for it to hurt. 

If you happen to read this, thank you. I hope you're in a better spot than I am right now. ",1.98087012987013,4.366986576190477,3.528917748917753,86.76350649350651,80.85714285714286,5.913419913419914,27.16450216450217,7.1686216300943375,1.4971904761904766,831,37,162,11,22,274,120,210,0.162,0.718,0.12,-0.784,0,0,2,1,0,1,31.0,0,2,0,2,7,12,0,0,5,0,23,3,1,4,0,38,45,8,2,12,10,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,9,2,0,5,10,4,0,0,11,1,30,8,24,28,1,19,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,7,6,110,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.1025514691541617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421981033557393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294246703090522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222339944645196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390482258890722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906554004753123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32262685824458753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941013393706585,0.0,0.08854181155824406,0.0,0.18889400012788515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531360339101065,0.07507543013881189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490453898792727,0.0,0.05972436328158068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292964216561493,0.3356068129293623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087755942207125,0.0,0.0,0.1043768491341956,0.0,0.0,0.22499937914914925,0.11863241700738653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057754033415974765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134105921184304,0.0,0.09279529915570392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994375243235531,0.21044268717152986,0.10654350688361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586586838748094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169271931462328,0.0,0.07792198292421541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083549813249253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064598151914987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564322809901264,0.0,0.0,0.2102343942133646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282599836224065,0.0,0.08974522564588501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618049210790643,0.0,0.0,0.0743823642232226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495004530846635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675160979533404,0.12017815403081646,0.0,0.0,0.06733663321031676,0.0,0.3337149431883725,0.0,0.0,0.09961185544312706,0.0,0.0,0.07134836887949689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061984072575854976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741833205784484,0.09482625912224413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29860815585167244,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,24300,2018/03/05,"I give up I’m a 17 year old who is currently studying at a sixth form in England. Last year I failed miserably in my AS exams. However, I managed to get a second chance by retaking the first year. But only recently has my failure been affecting me. I’ve been up at night just crying for the past 2 months. This has made me not want to go to college, which has affected my attendance but it has improved. But I don’t ever feel like doing any college work at home. And this annoys my mum. I’ve talked to my mum about what I’m going through, but I don’t want to burden anyone with my stupid depression. This has led to me feeling suicidal, my mum knows about this and is very concerned because nothing like this has ever happened before.                                                           Extra info : I came into sixth form with 11 B’s. I’m currently studying Business, Statistics and Finance.                       ",3.2332677502138587,5.062185778443116,4.677711719418308,82.77181137724556,74.44910179640719,7.645680068434559,28.695038494439693,8.418075326091056,2.2368822925577416,663,28,125,12,14,221,102,167,0.199,0.725,0.076,-0.9697,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,2,1,5,0,13,0,0,4,2,25,28,8,1,2,6,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,4,0,1,5,3,6,0,2,4,2,16,2,22,24,3,27,0,3,0,0,6,8,0,0,16,81,25,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001895921442307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340561044680108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107586403332995,0.0,0.15017962440982002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018570499302306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386550457274773,0.0,0.0,0.15201020743199253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192898393146282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847685832033994,0.1260841835776792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501219374933615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220851562491256,0.16930487678371994,0.20060617888253346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606914327301458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703342809548606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699405169050984,0.14386255473477433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724477774624698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699869781817306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408722904126702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562350506393608,0.0,0.16934650170071094,0.0,0.1851961142472772,0.0,0.0,0.13422827038306018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847926411519282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426215783103116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305094340635076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185563050343544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562237816177678,0.2081962413294531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848650843660558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34096048858893324
suicidewatch,ObjectivePirate,2018/03/05,"existential crisis, woman of my heart don't give a shit about me, depression, no job I'm so tired, I can not do anything I'm just sleeping and watching old movies all day",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,76.14285714285714,6.9523809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.4182380952380949,135,5,28,2,3,45,31,35,0.33,0.6,0.07,-0.8961,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,1,4,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,6,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,15,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652991438795928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791459978587415,0.0,0.2776736612467877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30926544866734784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820331885785572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199218992508766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382936183066939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309282571763853,0.0,0.0,0.32262239241535623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705393813005476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kangaroo120y,2018/03/05,"Why shouldn't I There is little point to my existence. I've known from a young age I don't belong here. I do nothing but cause grief to those near to me, and just having an opinion on anything seems to throw constant hate towards me. I am sorry that I am different, it just can't be helped. I haven't quite decided how or when yet, but I don't know how long I can keep dealing with a life I never asked for.",4.390227272727273,3.765743931818186,5.353545454545454,88.02781818181818,69.9090909090909,8.403636363636364,27.82727272727273,7.554174236665415,1.304083636363636,318,9,74,3,5,105,64,88,0.083,0.872,0.044,-0.4692,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,3,1,18,17,7,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,12,0,10,15,0,13,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,7,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860750310206204,0.0,0.2256262818509961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479292096939953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608096921885755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488175157938635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25215559457896114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382795798431399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176938822356365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451974785875616,0.0,0.0,0.13263765629491375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047008256989274,0.0,0.2418924723521532,0.0,0.2135839477077013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186141203420302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315783565676393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281503350158308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25670157839831503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971267604036468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270167508202377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777756498145634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,magicsinthemakeup,2018/03/05,"feeling so hopeless I’m 32 and I feel like I have nothing. I live at home with my parents who are only getting older and should not be burdened with supporting and caring for their adult child. I recently was diagnosed with cancer and completed chemo. Yes, I’m in remission but since I found out I was in remission I’ve been horribly anxious and depressed and hopeless. I feel traumatized by everything I went through. I feel like I lost the joy I used to have. On top of that, my partner who I was with for 2 years and who was with me during the most vulnerable time, we broke up. And not just a let’s be friends or amicable parting of ways but a long, drawn out heartbreak where we’ve destroyed each other. Although I’m not sure she’s that destroyed, I think she’s happy to be rid of me. I imagined having her there when this cancer thing was done, and not having her I feel even more alone than when I was sick. 
I don’t have a job, I don’t have an income right now, I live at home, I basically have nothing and nobody. I have friends but they are all living their lives unlike me. I really feel like giving up, like nothing will progress for me the way I want. I believe it’s too late. ",2.798264462809918,4.447275479338845,4.00090082644628,87.92953305785126,75.19834710743801,6.988760330578513,26.56280991735537,7.7348632917899725,1.4284919008264465,934,35,195,13,20,305,134,242,0.236,0.601,0.163,-0.9786,3,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,1,0,3,3,9,20,2,0,7,1,26,4,0,1,2,43,45,18,0,2,9,1,6,4,3,2,4,0,2,3,9,19,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,11,6,38,11,25,28,5,24,0,6,0,0,18,12,0,2,13,138,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176810522871316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836371136535568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280162691063239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584808281030885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913346826400215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978648961424615,0.11532680661180013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627764670061926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504812595538647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211866704268152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34471275643447624,0.24352079520496084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245837569363332,0.17557251742658653,0.0,0.05936428189613398,0.10899928671082013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095574012792495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794992977112816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275510721220153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817375288328042,0.0,0.0,0.11618908290813015,0.0,0.22204540229856987,0.0,0.4013312122647333,0.10055439545012644,0.0,0.0,0.12403491991512172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32707825509238597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641680030794913,0.0,0.0,0.1261669226875446,0.12304461390551012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279097306908608,0.0,0.11219080787929922,0.0,0.0,0.09703498057320813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399163023831564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894010603595116,0.10709005381561676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548728553307438,0.07280620053494649,0.0,0.0,0.06625554979046168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813536780729604,0.0,0.0,0.06701886629578263,0.18038019616573267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533135206553183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317066261129719
suicidewatch,gooooooddoggy,2018/03/05,"How to help someone with suicidal thoughts? Hello everybody. Recently, someone told me that he would be gone soon so I shouldn't worry. After elaborating, I found out he was suicidal again. This is his second time, the first he managed to pull through (suspicions that he just lied to himself telling himself he's ok). He has been to therapy, which he has said it hasn't helped him. I'm hopeless at this, due to the fact that I don't understand suicide, but I can't just ignore this. The reason for suicide is the common one, ""the best option argument"". He is stuck with his single dad who is abusive, and his mom is not much better, according to him. His school life is not bad at all, but to him, this is insignificant. According to him, his only reason for living is his fear of god as he is a Muslim. I wasn't the person who got him through the first time, it was someone else. Said someone else is very close to him, but does not know of the reappearance of his depression. Would it be the best option to tell said person, as I am quite numb to emotions.",3.774134615384616,5.2730442980769245,4.6271153846153865,85.04288461538465,72.36538461538461,7.892307692307693,27.42307692307693,8.472884824447931,1.8776865384615384,826,30,165,14,16,267,110,208,0.151,0.718,0.13,-0.6293,0,0,0,0,1,3,33.0,0,0,0,6,6,10,0,1,10,1,25,2,0,3,2,28,37,8,4,3,8,2,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,2,13,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,8,6,0,4,13,3,22,4,26,19,5,16,0,2,0,0,39,4,0,2,10,118,35,2,0.0,0.1274339989749356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980316535413307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22574274554380294,0.0951228446260842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263617262893807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412130134567367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969526778697634,0.12098386508648408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102824328457025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829708932309349,0.0,0.1179274987173715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602082407329575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418246711432395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910891030394823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596862837900459,0.0,0.0,0.09497222427594794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596604012350482,0.0,0.0,0.0790646250916441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288142901493531,0.08179972540628186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782415048543616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439700456324928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116701738050693,0.10619667986933587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069256828784503,0.0,0.0,0.10885047232075516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645208962599887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705868328630737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880140154002042,0.0,0.1229974654053642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538592665007103,0.12543129947391646,0.0,0.0,0.10277253381746634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196759173869614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874338105265772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922639036631997,0.0,0.15280666696589368,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,illuminaenae,2018/03/05,"is there anybody out there i really need someone to talk to right now, everyone one is isolating me and it’s the worst time for me, i can’t fucking deal with life or school and i honestly feel on the verge of cutting myself open",1.5087234042553206,3.8203977446808572,3.1398297872340457,89.29400000000004,82.19148936170214,7.164255319148936,24.293617021276606,8.238735603445708,1.631360851063829,182,7,38,4,5,60,39,47,0.118,0.8190000000000001,0.063,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,6,1,7,6,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544067168291663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284822786662573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381796031057875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178052896782281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428114519527833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25489746107427763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329441241353373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202247215698117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935735116356393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34790862746777323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912710482491717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27630536064706424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004521905650412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forthesolace,2018/03/05,"I’m going to kill myself. Anyone wanna chat before I do it? Yeah I know this looks like a cry for attention but I’m a bit past that. I know exactly what this sized line will do cross referenced with my body weight and zero tolerance for said substance. Even if I don’t die at least I’ll find out I’m immortal. Lol. 

Feel like having a nice, real conversation before I go. That’s all.",-0.1311363636363616,2.180386250000001,2.4388636363636387,90.53068181818183,92.75,5.90909090909091,16.022727272727273,7.348242739294969,0.3111250000000001,300,7,64,6,11,103,60,80,0.12,0.655,0.226,0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,2,5,2,1,0,2,14,15,3,2,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,5,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,4,7,3,7,13,3,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559196682760281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794958289986663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434471317071471,0.2476914227247297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494384861195906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314282296270358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728267432802386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275035407021253,0.15930397335346735,0.0,0.0,0.20380865745711088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534605092283871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24670519929214346,0.0,0.2450987489073961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788312670336615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872552890126196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286901687143786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538112360590292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121143848257553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715415293220437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PottyMcPotatoeface,2018/03/05,"hi everyone I've been a lot on this sub lately. Only watching, hanging off the branches of other posts and other people in distress. First time poster. I guess some would find it hypocritical to leave a last note in order to be remembered but under an anonymous name online.

I am sick. It's not big news because I have been since I was abused when I was little. But 2 weeks ago, I got a lot more sick. And slowly but surely, I gave up. My friends and the people I have around me... well, I keep them in my heart since they didn't come to see me. 

I really tied to be a good person. Smiling, cheering people up, kind. Sweet enough not to be a burden but boring enough not to be remembered. 

Day after day after day, I've found it harder and harder to keep the pace. And now that I'm alone and don't have anyone to blame for it but myself, I'm reevaluating.

I'm leaving. Not my country, not this sweet town, not this decrepit hospital or the cold bed I'm in. I'm out. I'm done. I don't want to go on. I give up. 

I have spent a good part of my life learning to speak this beautiful language, I still make a lot of mistakes I'm sure (sorry about that). It makes me sad that I can only express myself like this, I know someone that'd say it's another way to push away the ones that want to help. I love songs and music from every horizon, but I can't find on to put on this situation. Nevermind.

J'espère m'endormir encore mais cette fois-ci ne pas me réveiller. Plonger dans une obscurité où je revis, une éternité de quiétude au bout des doigts, prenant à bras le corps mes regrets et mes peines. 

Thank you for reading this


*Edit: thank you everyone for taking the time to respond or even just read my post. I feel a little better, I followed your advice and talked to someone about the core of my problems.*

*Thank you again for being here for people like me. It means a lot to be a part of a community in times like these.*
*C.*",1.117808069792801,3.3447229236641256,2.7417284623773206,92.07185114503821,83.12213740458016,5.167793529625591,20.55307161032352,6.42735559955562,0.2016262450018176,1491,44,316,14,42,489,217,393,0.103,0.718,0.179,0.9903,1,1,0,0,1,0,60.0,0,4,2,2,12,25,0,1,19,0,23,5,1,2,2,55,54,17,0,6,15,0,1,3,1,1,3,3,1,1,22,11,0,2,9,3,1,6,10,7,1,2,10,9,39,18,48,36,10,48,0,2,2,1,19,21,0,8,20,192,61,5,0.0,0.10367024573640064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855015574830556,0.07756126637363664,0.0,0.0,0.09062103606256354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174877189878898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061180295821243826,0.0,0.0,0.07789133751866634,0.0,0.0,0.08220679412625162,0.0,0.0,0.053337672075239984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738444023459706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537136027599252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692859730554993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954033474494248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808166419025409,0.0,0.05779128242359004,0.0,0.07372042881660916,0.16721524744593247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044241371805343516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994228428041946,0.07442534024060014,0.0,0.0959365072857328,0.06760036184282821,0.0,0.0,0.08393558775897393,0.049726853273391415,0.14677752597726665,0.06997975455420072,0.0,0.09638837561967653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036849747197824,0.05864773889565535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555436204406634,0.0,0.09111519577578404,0.04808634513326724,0.07132215159753724,0.09870100629258212,0.18529446619531867,0.0,0.0,0.061802081357093225,0.12824059620147618,0.17539098979255688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29754902797062266,0.07896992201767178,0.0,0.11681053931150888,0.0,0.0,0.0953104429197134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059290579565697124,0.13309160353207258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950256098712226,0.0,0.24263903544140344,0.07639945380622354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759686267271567,0.0,0.0,0.08372330357227042,0.0,0.08795916799044673,0.0,0.0,0.17504238303520722,0.0,0.05605314761656032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982352522310453,0.0,0.0,0.0695815345867538,0.0,0.0,0.06972418987666712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475769459680368,0.09835087111746676,0.0,0.0,0.14827271840836906,0.0,0.0,0.09794630277791246,0.0,0.0,0.06987562726458413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493074186808704,0.0,0.06578724091286525,0.07032718696246447,0.0,0.24166786416327266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306151118338415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321660082786932,0.06945145350087342,0.07018522751919927,0.0,0.07867077261853138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215572312703741,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrsScienceMan,2018/03/05,"There's something in my brain telling me to die and I can't make it stop. I don't want to die, I'm scared. I keep going through my pills and deciding which would work best and I can't make it stop. I try and tell myself it won't happen because I don't want to and then my head tells me it's inevitable and I should just die. 

I'm trying to go to the psychiatric hospital but I can't tell anyone because I'm already a burden on them and I deserve to die to relieve them of me. 

Is someone here just to talk to? I'm scared.",-0.8670695970695945,1.1126783675213687,1.4863797313797311,99.29096153846157,90.11111111111113,4.368498168498169,19.46825396825397,5.773587663045528,-0.3352925518925516,407,13,100,3,14,137,61,117,0.213,0.711,0.076,-0.9416,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,2,4,5,0,2,2,0,9,3,2,2,0,20,21,9,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,18,2,13,18,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054875011929533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539176660594588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632723649365086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316997279884516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229579294909826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663518377303675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506732413857854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064047360235115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001175289992535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126110652906892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821299415693408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731711207903989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559274402469473,0.10502688838175728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811537834600776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096535169489434,0.4769670255547723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852476951764834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093439503462373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931926903826836,0.0,0.0,0.09691264408204038,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saintjudes,2018/03/05,"feeling weird. i feel so apathetic about life that it's getting weird.

i have supportive friends, okay family, i'm doing really well in school and have plans for the future. i go to therapy weekly for anxiety/depression/ocd. i just got off long term medication because i thought i could go without it. but if lightning struck me right now i'd be totally okay with it? if i got shot tomorrow i don't think i'd mind not living; i'd only mind that i'd be hurting people who care about me by dying. if there wasn't anyone who cared about me, i'd probably kill myself because i don't get a lot of joy out of life anymore, except beyond brief moments.

i had a suicide attempt a year ago but this is different. i'm not actively trying to do anything and maybe i won't. but i keep visualizing myself dying and it doesn't do much more than make me wonder if it would hurt. and i don't want to just attempt or anything because that would mean going back to a hospital, and my experience with one of those was disastrous. it's all or nothing and the only reason it's not ""all"" yet is because i don't want to hurt people and i feel like i would be cheating if i worked so hard over the past year to get better and got people's hopes up to only pull something like this now.

i feel like i'm stuck in tar and can't decide which way to move or whether i should at all.",4.22259521005104,4.5277814381625445,5.7190518256772656,82.06281016882609,70.30742049469964,8.691715744012564,28.796427169218692,8.680891452615391,2.0235788771103262,1069,37,224,17,18,364,148,283,0.185,0.691,0.124,-0.9659,1,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,5,14,20,2,0,7,2,25,3,0,2,4,58,54,23,4,13,19,0,5,3,1,5,3,0,0,0,16,12,0,1,10,0,0,6,12,7,1,1,8,5,26,13,30,37,8,30,0,3,0,0,3,9,0,11,17,146,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588437904473899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608575710562894,0.0677455637594768,0.0,0.15945930455141138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450003523290638,0.0,0.2362453869077597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568857766267884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756527587871034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735629509696737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110658340018606,0.10122617504950476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477396611383772,0.09133633386172793,0.0,0.19595568371899935,0.1384320221211573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748545681565146,0.0,0.15185819798186054,0.0,0.1651891510381159,0.0,0.23246788171190766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679161976258519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962305394825296,0.0,0.0,0.3111582475188461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611751638739126,0.10719098490417904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368681464136213,0.1420021163660957,0.0,0.08555289581232034,0.08574184568272099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236976617786625,0.0,0.0,0.06467274906473157,0.0,0.09733589995230467,0.10553822274130592,0.0,0.09760334511167157,0.0,0.0,0.19565627199726146,0.0,0.0,0.10297542726259253,0.07122300951119934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296558063181032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565306173151167,0.2210605291761825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248949612534728,0.20150750366663595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446045052909113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062068220409919724,0.09961585579010222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274087167338617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805470166226107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458825867768654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597852843165526,0.1099460906165122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079859846632582,0.0,0.0,0.06208120473568787,0.0,0.07691736549527117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577983609799476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429279179772894,0.07690430077485859,0.07771681620774866,0.0,0.08711294659326259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339550115058738,0.10506969547022026,0.07053480727504681,0.0,0.0,0.20647699300549865,0.0,0.0,0.1247839566641718
suicidewatch,brienburroughs,2018/03/05,"just killing time i designed my biggest circus show ever on saturday and everything went great, so i should be happy.  i drink too much cause i don’t care anymore.  i have 11 teeth left in my head because of gum disease and surgery and can’t afford the bone grafts and implants.  the dentures make me throw up so i walk around without teeth.  i’m about to lose 2 more teeth because of bone loss.

ill never have another relationship because i’m a toothless, inspired drunk.  i’m not sure how much more of this i want.  i’m supposed to be happy right now after my big show but nope.

i know 1000+ people on facebook but i don’t have any friends.  i don’t go out and i am alone all the time.  i live in a beautiful photo studio that i built and i’m a lazy piece of shit.",1.9332884097035008,3.6712030880503166,3.2367699910152763,92.08485849056606,77.86792452830188,5.800718778077267,25.19362084456425,6.5431188927421005,0.7534111410601976,597,22,130,5,14,194,101,159,0.14800000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.141,0.2347,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,11,2,0,6,0,11,10,7,3,4,24,22,11,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,2,4,0,4,8,4,0,0,1,0,17,7,16,18,6,22,0,2,0,0,2,11,1,0,7,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728617311253654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350013001431067,0.17501291342665198,0.0,0.0,0.16552346255600708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857953548281136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052285450397296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016928174030682,0.17145591044225106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350192756359072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097380660381385,0.0,0.0,0.1500021390201574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894926035479068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485512761431032,0.0,0.0,0.1840117411764121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553438420494017,0.0,0.0,0.1712911828794706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184654037295284,0.0,0.09172582023328084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134118368130905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737888291790327,0.0,0.0,0.186722368079848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114094084354467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453866109415816,0.0,0.1287262986988705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570989895776795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919193918242907,0.0,0.1425347105214078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132408450853734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573046104627696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946455918068713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844403173487944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472125296260786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088905581088594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TealTracks,2018/03/05,"I feel like im hopeless I have reached a point in life where no therapists help because i just basically reflect any help they give me, i really feel like theres no hope for me. ill just continue getting worse and worse because therapy wont work and i cant help myself. i was very close to killing myself tonight, i began counting all the pills to kill myself and got so close but i backed out because im nervous...

i did a really shitty thing in the middle of one of my mental breaks and im remorseful for it but it is unredeemable at this point so i may be better off dead.
im gonna try again with maybe something more successful than overdosing the next night

but im gonna make it as nice as i can before i do. im donating all of my income to charity, im doing an anonymous give away of all of my collection to other people in the communities and no one has to know that im dead.

thank you to all of the communites that have made my life atleast slightly more worth living but im done

sorry if this sounds like rambling im not in the best state of mind anymore
i dont even know if im sane anymore

im sorry i never got to meet you, Idi",1.2472986457590878,3.0982060819672164,3.3457519600855328,89.97045260156807,80.39344262295081,6.5385602280826784,23.3136136849608,7.586124646067393,1.0033230933713462,900,31,198,14,23,306,133,244,0.17600000000000002,0.674,0.15,-0.8325,1,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,2,1,4,9,13,2,1,9,0,15,4,0,2,5,33,31,15,4,3,9,0,2,3,0,4,4,1,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,0,2,0,8,4,0,2,7,3,26,9,28,19,7,24,0,1,0,0,9,14,0,4,11,121,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405878513027652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850668399859946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087145821348194,0.04981879091109732,0.0,0.11848443591947234,0.0,0.0551307213970802,0.0,0.06799212534392468,0.0573006619486908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630170660197808,0.07593230030948205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279256563330353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551859475313368,0.09257064032109573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033849611792097195,0.1243031473784926,0.0,0.0,0.10363546591036447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302802314132109,0.0,0.0,0.06435015917448463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8397996818177385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433589997052021,0.0,0.07121275022410882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152486367627788,0.09495799192657442,0.0,0.057209930371016925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130497874974624,0.043247203215799536,0.0,0.06508932288028639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529213781125688,0.0,0.0654184852034203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049969320160904086,0.0,0.06890390442133294,0.06080014749251634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878054928390387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044916579170292736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249321403044228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301106664335905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987778665969286,0.0,0.14505210524459122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964906530865605,0.07409194093640399,0.07522509674755143,0.043042975151362316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398752148891311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345776293666252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047167210117479264,0.0,0.1320511822972803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfamousCartographer,2018/03/05,"I am going to do it This is not my original account. In my original account I said that I have been thinking about it, but will not do it.

I lied to all of you. My life is not nice.

My partner is a sick bastard. He is mentally ill. He doesn't seek help. He mentally, verbally and fucking physically abuses me. I am now outside crying my heart out. I have had black eyes, concussions, broken fingers. I have been stumped with full force in my back multiple times  two days ago. I have been stumped in my chest. I have been choked. All the while, not screaming, so my little girl doesn't wake up.

He doesn;t touch her. he lovesher more than himself. But me? he will kill me one day. But I won't let him. I will kill myself today.

Why not leave him? Well, let me explain Iraqi culture. It is not the religion of islam that doesn't permit me. In fact, Islam tells you that you MUST divorce if your husband abuses you in any way, because god didn't permit humans to abuse another human. 
Anyway my typing is shit because my fingers hurt and my eyes are nto clear of crying.

The issue is, there is a shame for women to divore. this is a culture thing. my dad called me today and told me that I have to leave him if he abuses me. I told him that he doesnt abuse me.
I dont want people to talk bad about me. I rather die. I want to die. I dont love myself. I dont love my life. I fucking hate him.
bye, going to the transtation today",0.053279095421949314,2.3350728129251728,2.0783066740209613,94.31476282404854,89.57823129251697,4.538922596065453,19.510571796286076,6.099015368709567,-0.013240558926273405,1093,34,236,10,37,363,143,294,0.34700000000000003,0.615,0.038,-0.9991,0,0,0,0,6,3,47.0,0,5,0,0,9,15,7,1,7,0,40,16,8,4,5,30,54,10,4,6,12,2,3,0,1,5,4,2,0,5,12,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,15,11,1,2,9,8,56,4,23,38,4,24,2,1,3,4,41,9,4,2,13,166,68,1,0.0,0.5409870876725751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094828620038211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209966986006207,0.09575534533460348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021824272409725,0.07624708206522902,0.111333745470567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324633607843594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061803418430613,0.11778567694337845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954824440634396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210735906805741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884485046047906,0.0,0.0,0.10379674646434373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015805264866088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082127897172806,0.06120882465045027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775827748079803,0.0,0.0,0.0953127248831717,0.0,0.0,0.20206064526831655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338608279897795,0.0,0.18675858147338087,0.12900182793234388,0.0,0.09152506594143237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648369127423422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405501606763347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618797375038984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330870743419005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686474705754013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937370651973359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339830206589278,0.07981634057720233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066791308001005,0.05851316833752921,0.0,0.0,0.053248516056321096,0.0,0.2596776073323625,0.17451736337200804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920484566739974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772396242468946,0.07248432623493319,0.0,0.0,0.08210624342893218,0.0,0.08240068738672736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,radsaxman24,2018/03/05,"My job is making me suicidal. If I quit, my unemployment will make me suicidal. Giant pussy checking in here. I'll just be straight up, my job is too hard for me and I'm going to quit. Yeah, I sound like a typical asshole millennial who feels entitled to an ""easy job."" Well sorry. I can't fucking stick it out anymore. I don't care how much I'm screwing myself over career-wise. I just feel like I'll be hopping from minimum wage job to minimum wage job my entire fucking life, because I'm too socially anxious to go to college and too depressed to finish anything I attempt to start. This will be the 2nd job I've quit this month because I don't feel ""comfortable"" at work. Yeah I know, you're supposed to hate your job and its supposed to be hard. That's why I hate myself so fucking much. I'm so selfish that I'll quit every job I'm lucky enough to get because it's too hard for my lazy ass.... Deep down though, I know there's a bigger mental issue here. I have so much anxiety that I can't even bring myself to talk to a therapist even though this illness is literally ruining my life. I'm torn between wanting to fix myself and wanting to kill myself. But at the same time I feel like I'm using all this as a crutch to enable my laziness. Either way, I'm fucking suicidal. I'm more serious than I have ever been, and it scares the fuck out of me. I have been a complete failure at life, and even though the thought of ending it actually sounds kind of nice, there's a tiny tiny part of me that still wants to power through this bullshit. Not sure what my goals were in posting this, I just really needed to vent. And I feel slightly better now that I've gotten that off my chest.",3.0006444016270604,4.3901386705202325,4.4476621708413635,85.99963926354101,74.14450867052024,7.206850781417255,27.26568186683793,7.793537801064563,1.5684751873260545,1324,50,273,18,27,441,172,346,0.21,0.711,0.079,-0.9931,13,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,1,0,10,25,25,9,1,11,2,19,12,2,4,3,37,57,17,4,5,7,0,8,3,0,2,4,2,0,0,19,9,0,0,8,0,3,3,5,14,1,0,5,10,37,11,39,46,9,28,0,2,0,7,4,15,7,2,11,169,56,14,0.0,0.0,0.06910832663574494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417571276542593,0.0800043841869366,0.07023260372563801,0.0,0.0,0.058277326860283564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951031303054625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263292396375282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220385283264293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425151285465124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609955934283565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272388626081267,0.07317410935150596,0.0,0.14032421712289694,0.06405909693055754,0.05966736980519785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903899465679365,0.10118504183597082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273513246786045,0.036999575388420365,0.0,0.08049520576971413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903175336628992,0.13983657960307466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391577928291443,0.5622089184235828,0.0,0.07834982199765618,0.07374623518198857,0.07783963776945928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006292159143542,0.10379455464953276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454336821049683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136806738158037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056526394486875575,0.0,0.15617852907112192,0.05251078207311167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766891862063016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782423911396783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012954003491319,0.0,0.0,0.04536793859274359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090135107611638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219021470493499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927515293542196,0.05012547128847065,0.0,0.056555488882706666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323907792884737,0.0,0.06674529520012512,0.0,0.0,0.05692096938675492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222536362623971,0.0,0.0,0.2087355026339016,0.05622172331442215,0.04129464942678051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116416847776057,0.0,0.0,0.12531118966262228,0.056212173831135935,0.0,0.0,0.06367404745254239,0.0,0.06390239109314498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155647743678343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,translucenttelephone,2018/03/05,"Failing college for the second time Tried to kill myself over the summer, did the whole hard restart thing. Now after re joining college at the age of 24 I'm failing my second semester, missing my classes, just spending all day every day smoking weed and lying to my parents. 

I'm afraid of death but I hate feeling like a failure, I don't enjoy anything anymore and I hate interacting with other people because I'm jealous of all their success and happiness. I feel super alone and worthless. 

I feel like my story is ending soon, I'll feel bad for making my parents sad but at the end of the day that's not really my problem and I never chose to be born. I just don't want to feel like a loser for the rest of my life. ",3.676081504702193,5.068540758620691,5.012978056426334,82.60028213166147,72.44827586206897,6.376175548589343,29.733542319749212,6.574015621080383,1.6416206896551726,570,24,105,4,11,190,89,145,0.303,0.54,0.157,-0.9771,2,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,5,4,20,4,1,9,0,5,1,0,1,3,22,18,7,2,2,5,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,13,0,2,1,6,16,7,17,16,4,16,0,6,0,0,4,3,0,0,16,69,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849775942453626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176926539218574,0.0,0.0,0.1259344893599156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777755246835332,0.093288510970121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960840947876052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710865790348448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893830504411502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868946223575338,0.32798398436388104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290824586643282,0.1370890001843343,0.3021800963583989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931018212915855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809290920167257,0.22429502076281685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021518267859126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180297674329532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398537686538208,0.0,0.0,0.10609496739764256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643350599814078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803792465784647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166943097041647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923574345347095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390049163307467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026381002386452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085773756157285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dumbthrowaway1000,2018/03/05,"If I don't get SSI or some kind of income without working, I'm going to kill myself I've been NEET since the age of 14. Most people that live this life hate it with a passion, but for me, it's the only way I can live. I tried to hold a job when I was 20, it was full-time at a grocery store, I lasted about 2 months before I quit out of sheer hatred for it. I stopped going to school when I was 14 because I just couldn't stand it, I hated it so much. Nowadays, I spend 99% of my time shitposting on Discord and playing MMOs/CS:GO. I love the way my life is right now, or I would, if I wasn't facing homelessness in a few months. I'm 32 now, I live off of inheritance I got from my mom when she died, I have about $3,000 left. Rent is about $600 a month plus taxes, also I have to worry about food and stuff like that.

I have multiple mental disorders, namely chronic depression and Asperger's syndrome, though I never tried applying for SSI before. I lived with my mom before she died without worrying about money, but now, ever since I've had to pay my own taxes and bills, I've had stress knowing that what she left me would run out eventually. I doubt I'll get accepted for SSI, but if I'm going to be homeless, I'm probably going to jump off of a tall building. Working is out of the question, I have trouble talking to the clerk at a grocery store, how can you expect me to hold a job? I also have no credentials, not a GED, literally nothing, I probably won't get hired for anything.

What do I do?",4.643710691823898,4.046917773584909,6.0685534591194985,83.02031446540882,69.37735849056604,8.953459119496856,29.30188679245284,8.344100000000001,1.8682377358490567,1164,37,256,15,18,398,164,318,0.161,0.7659999999999999,0.073,-0.9832,4,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,1,0,3,18,13,3,2,14,0,25,7,1,1,2,39,41,21,3,7,12,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,13,10,1,3,3,1,10,6,9,7,0,0,8,0,39,6,41,28,5,37,0,1,0,2,10,13,0,9,16,165,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263988749215562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853549980801486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581767542205631,0.0,0.2436264107979645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219868127216871,0.0,0.1980945055096948,0.0,0.10937765049381327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632710979954046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540130125626424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958373877273168,0.0,0.2711917120199025,0.0,0.07632869644877073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844611210290654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941053400911206,0.0,0.10558552977570436,0.09938165923193656,0.052448998490916464,0.0777928830136893,0.0,0.0,0.20738246755499826,0.0,0.13481820100281086,0.0466250922724158,0.0,0.3370861023905866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613450053760066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617680055198788,0.0,0.0,0.22354642013771386,0.2285277422220215,0.0,0.07015626545630167,0.0,0.07360594246012153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157318678142834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258319688740537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616314032826824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579178406808046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690989403620056,0.10150767944883683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150161860671036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658608539947128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789089572964254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978856968788181,0.10932134200284063,0.0,0.10925111376020484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767076498045772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937651508183292,0.0,0.05564935982571905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295892345643518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150493013199248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399333631400774,0.0,0.1389567415659163,0.19383929610723027,0.0,0.13558965313154814,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sorietei,2018/03/05,"Is there a reason why I should even continue living on this planet anymore? I'm 22, almost 23. Only had 2 part time jobs in the past that lasted 4 months because they were summer positions, currently studying at a good university but in an arts major with an unpaid internship under my hand, and I've got little talent too. So yeah, career-wise, I'm screwed. 

Pretty sure I've got mental problems too. I can't talk all that coherently to people and whenever I'm in a bad mood or really under pressure, my brain just shuts down. I've never had a girlfriend or even dated, and I just don't think I'll ever get one at this rate. Heck I can't even manage to keep my friendships together. Sometimes I forget certain things I've learnt way too quickly. I feel like I've got autism or aspergers, yet I'm diagnosed as neurotypical. I'm hopeless at socializing with people and its driving me nuts!

I can't keep on living like this. I want to commit suicide, but I can't. I'm too scared to do so and while most people probably hate my guts, my family members love me and would be devastated if I were to blow my brains out all of a sudden. I just need a reason to continue living now, because it feels as if my life is over. Sure I'm young still, but I've missed the bus and closed many doors. It seems like I'm going to end up as a NEET and that there's nothing I can do to circumvent it. ",4.0710433654558935,4.724687961267608,5.654262416604892,81.14722386953301,70.79577464788733,8.514158636026687,26.567086730911782,8.6894789155246,1.8245873239436623,1087,33,220,18,19,371,162,284,0.145,0.687,0.168,0.494,3,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,1,0,19,18,2,2,11,1,17,8,4,2,8,47,41,22,1,7,11,0,3,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,11,12,0,2,6,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,7,3,22,9,28,31,5,39,0,2,0,2,5,17,2,8,22,131,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115033541316584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392792751517936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591818012733896,0.14005690398960288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564832759895763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659856777586684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174764978538896,0.0,0.0,0.2276271473495975,0.10391356385279893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082965835640126,0.0,0.116171353608545,0.08206873660089521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001891884019106,0.0,0.06528771170207764,0.09635406394672964,0.2756348576008667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341806269368075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399850907700253,0.2042173670752128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364075474213722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114160065682888,0.1683704984764164,0.11513775377825687,0.30431765559503704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368171646574173,0.0,0.0,0.11646807732968695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576982165305966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169437885220157,0.0,0.0,0.08518044692122083,0.08860085573971102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022836527149538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778441829820278,0.08736975767998922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440148284179607,0.10966387660244327,0.23892544496745546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687204089356402,0.12385771829843953,0.10992255786466187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735936722451371,0.23622706090229625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150127370712781,0.0,0.0,0.10458045159449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171034692140677,0.0,0.0,0.11361710006813618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174157437171113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565768818425302,0.0,0.2165419691186317,0.0,0.0,0.09233443914055957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631971817334447,0.07360906763119128,0.0,0.0,0.0669861798807496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775791382444309,0.09118466532612007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365936323458336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160590636696483,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dokidokichan,2018/03/05,"I need to help my friend but I also need help. My SO's best friend is super depressed right now over a bad breakup. I want to help him but to be honest, I also feel suicidal all the time. He's getting increasingly serious about it. I don't think he's in immediate danger, but I'm really worried. I don't know what to say, especially because I don't see the point in living either. Please help.",1.4436585365853674,3.4696315975609764,3.9489634146341466,85.00685975609757,80.58536585365854,7.0268292682926825,22.445121951219512,8.07648339933343,1.2442878048780497,309,10,65,6,8,108,54,82,0.218,0.44,0.342,0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,14,6,1,3,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,10,5,8,13,4,8,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,0,2,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096008972988765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162556833428865,0.11800044932258072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314317096719492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672434641276604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787644545704334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991084073024528,0.0,0.10113402751675568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189922448567672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638278933512488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092871575339355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870642067298149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248528658700055,0.18298927849540134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400797311455038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653104877533737,0.0,0.153937208474517,0.0,0.0,0.15425280883075804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117377043787764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403391489135873,0.0,0.0,0.11287411186696593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417451119779905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965830196568549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SherlockianViper,2018/03/05,"How can I get over other people's opinion ? The only thing that keeps me from committing suicide is others' opinion about me ! I want to commit suicide for various reasons:
 
  1. I'm in Medical school which I hate. Do not tell me ""it's going to get better"" - It won't ( and either way, I've run out of patience to wait for it ). Do not tell me ""you can choose something else"" - I can't, I invested time and energy into this and I am no good at anything else ( and I'm not brilliant at this either, so fuck it ). 

  2. I had an arguing with my parents. I know damn well that being 23 years old and living with them is a shame, but they just make me to feel even worse about it, even though they know I can't move out, because I have no money. Yeah, I could take out a loan and then spend the rest of my life working like a mad horse to pay back the loan. Thanks,  but no thanks. If this is life, I'd rather be dead and end up in I don't-give-a-fuck-where, whether hell does exist or not, I just don't give a damn, this crap is not worth living. 

  3. I didn't have a great adolescence at all. The first part of it was spend being a perfectionist, emotionally liable pathetic creature that I was, struggling to do well in school, because this was the only thing that mattered to my mom, plus struggling with my eating disorders all the time. The second part of it was me rebelling against my fucked-up family life: abusing alcohol and hanging out with other fucked-up people like me. Fast-forward and I'm 23, being in Medical school, studying things that I don't like, which is not a surprise, because for whatever reason I can't enjoy anything in my life at all anymore ( probably my brain is already fucked because of years of abuse ). 

  So there it is: I don't want to be a burden for my parents anymore and I can't think of anything else to figure out the shit I'm in and I've tried a lot of things. I tried working out, I was a gym member for 4 fucking years, you know what I got ? Even more body-image issues. 

  Also there is nothing motivating about the future either: in this world it's all about making good connections and licking people's asses, this is how you get ahead and so what's the point of it ? What's the point of this whole life , if I don't like anything at all about it anymore ?  I don't like the way things work, I don't like how this whole fucking world works, and because I know I'm not going to be the one who is going to change the world, I might just as well check-out, because I really don't want to fit in this society.

  I want to commit suicide, I just don't want to think about what other people will think after I die. It's kind of ironic, but this is the only thing that is holding me back. These idiots are going to talk about me even after I'm dead and I can't stand the idea of it. So tell me, if you are an average, normal person: how much people gossip about someone after they die ? What things they say about them ? Do they consider them cowards ? ",4.117866884888162,4.425044900163671,5.081702127659575,86.53333333333335,70.53846153846153,7.706928532460448,26.30496453900709,7.419758726546812,1.1825026732133113,2298,65,493,22,39,754,232,611,0.195,0.6970000000000001,0.108,-0.9968,2,0,2,0,1,6,87.0,0,4,8,8,35,37,14,3,28,1,53,17,4,9,8,93,93,36,7,11,23,3,1,6,0,3,8,1,0,1,50,27,2,3,14,1,8,7,25,19,3,3,8,3,62,18,75,75,17,54,1,0,0,5,25,28,10,8,22,348,112,9,0.0,0.13676261411780874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616784024384413,0.0,0.0,0.0636885123806187,0.046153631769820784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170947184128016,0.0,0.0,0.1899738580027047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875655863637329,0.0,0.2110904458309871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104308504021818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442758566290901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105345094072229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046079699963913236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979543503514505,0.0,0.0661449099272829,0.0,0.05050565516168157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059055531953864634,0.14463719316369536,0.06492015391653141,0.051117215321393725,0.0,0.0,0.1524774403943678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440734790719351,0.0,0.029181785078629487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909125089658157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26677696722682137,0.09045909180750043,0.11072849608768154,0.1312001220256361,0.09681504082394253,0.046158924868809736,0.06362956727721697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698033855599436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515175186624997,0.0,0.060238117095335664,0.0,0.051298595825899886,0.0,0.06009994609174923,0.12687177920882828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20382449526088625,0.16917601620367434,0.0,0.1019245237930274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049066131034532494,0.0,0.0,0.07704869704550034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162809788804485,0.0,0.0612251242089014,0.0,0.06759359776800103,0.0,0.06134053842635566,0.042426216311019616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056547180468263014,0.05537785977359642,0.0,0.06056082849308485,0.0,0.0391083024659868,0.13168162779168205,0.0,0.0,0.12816848648070833,0.1249966441119296,0.0,0.2000570929143802,0.05039338406836244,0.0,0.0,0.10911621834673008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222513904578692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03697287945600256,0.11867860891482412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045896257391969626,0.0,0.1752280623180394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924229232194767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048900637853803774,0.044430832376217116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206697980543482,0.0,0.18938828908337302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339352617007642,0.04638809266930002,0.15133297497382528,0.10627005725852086,0.0,0.0,0.268396963738676,0.1109418419289414,0.0567034254913648,0.0,0.0673066549987988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836763917587923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020520267534833,0.09162091077908796,0.0,0.0,0.1556746650143269,0.0,0.0,0.1288705887448376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806506837859256,0.0,0.05881519949714504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149720800719437
suicidewatch,RibEater36,2018/03/05,"I've Already Ruined Everything I seriously never thought I'd ever use this account for anything other than a stupid one-off joke, but I need the screen of anonymity it provides.

So, I'm 18 years old. I was always one of the ""smart kids"" at school, so I was told, so I got egotistical and lazy. I went from a straight A student in middle school to a C student in high school to a 1-semester community college dropout.

I live in a small, isolated town and don't have much in the way of opportunities. I've spent the past 3 years looking for a job, but I've never had one. I've never had a girlfriend. I don't have a car. Hell, I don't even have a phone. I have no prospects and I'm a NEET that spends all his time reading 25 year old RPG sourcebooks in his parent's basement. 

My friends rarely talk to me. They're all out living their lives, making progress. I see them becoming actualized, fulfilled human beings and I seethe with envy, even though I know I only have myself to blame.

Every couple of weeks, like clockwork since I was a little kid, I would do something stupid in my negligence and say that I'm going to change my ways, only to slip back into my bad habits. I'm completely spineless.

Right now, I don't feel the level of visceral emotion that precedes suicide, but it feels like a foregone conclusion. I mean, god knows, if there's one thing the world doesn't need more of, it's one more lazy, fat, self-important pseudointellectual.",5.267344173441732,5.719540777003488,5.758646922183512,82.1747338366241,68.05923344947735,8.3289972899729,30.57859078590786,8.167268648758528,2.023698567557104,1141,42,229,14,18,368,170,287,0.145,0.72,0.136,-0.376,2,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,2,4,10,12,3,0,19,0,18,1,1,2,6,30,39,13,1,4,4,1,2,2,2,1,1,1,0,3,9,8,1,0,7,2,3,3,9,6,0,4,10,6,28,6,26,27,5,38,1,1,3,0,14,18,1,1,17,132,37,9,0.0,0.0,0.1030323953961272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165119031009426,0.0,0.08785233562956439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688464727768988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118572072788141,0.0881562122707354,0.0,0.11660656410852947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116913159703242,0.0,0.11070028176957873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682401420592407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876507080612875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947128058304753,0.09550458714557034,0.08895703799079288,0.0,0.09488991951873248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067704422133272,0.07542750451452195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157206968509888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000444716359326,0.0,0.08444323757191524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155274004432376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477343034863516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604975444458313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316365735957712,0.1058204841769997,0.2796914183395996,0.0,0.0886619389337413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704765269957151,0.0,0.0,0.11500929698631965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761461241593423,0.15657481303615678,0.2442930788174701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158022278587128,0.0,0.3577240680492045,0.16059910423351614,0.0,0.0,0.11723585399663948,0.0,0.10078956847765752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561015560827594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901660956193745,0.0,0.08396271311836123,0.0,0.3205625984063377,0.08413485254088109,0.0,0.1101446183205466,0.0,0.0,0.08733817711330398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128186140656946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548911601861735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486247764467764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014371276435842,0.0,0.10373336994996137,0.08381998390606472,0.061565470538883685,0.0,0.0,0.10088772785554066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118858895096492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676114934969298,0.0846911778870608,0.0,0.0,0.0978751858964251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500212779976867,0.0,0.0,0.20397323488612587
suicidewatch,4223425234,2018/03/05,"Fuck the dating game In order to succeed, I have to be everything I'm not. I have to be:

1. Confident. I have to be able to gave opinions, strong one's too, despite the relativity. To call something any adjective or adverb, I have to ignore the plethora of evidence stating otherwise. I have to agree with views, or even form some, and ignore everything else. Who wants to be with someone who can't confidently call something orange?
2. Dishonest. If I tell someone I like them, now I'm creepy, clingy, no effort. I have to play games. I have to walk past them without even noticing them 1/2345324th of the time. I have to lie. Who wants to be with someone easy?
3. Outgoing. I have to have friends. I have to have other people want to be around me. I can't have had my past friendships which ended sour. No one wants to be with someone nobody likes. Who wants to be with someone no one likes?
6. Witty. I have to say the right things at the right time every time. I have to talk in the right tone. I have to be funny. I can't blurt shit out. I can't talk in the most natural way for me. I have to constantly monitor everything I say or do. Who wants to be with somebody obnoxious?
5. Trendy. I have to like what everyone else likes. I have to watch the latest tv shows or movies. Who wants to be with someone out of touch?
6. The Best. I have to prove my worth. I have to be better than my peers. Mediocrity is not an option. Who settles for losers?

I can't be me. And I'm so tired of doing anything without ever having anyone to share it with. Its so pointless and empty.
",0.10017174903610028,2.4798010851735057,1.8980273396424816,94.00160813179113,93.35331230283913,4.836705222572731,19.6627409744129,6.5355237356304725,0.2650077672625306,1212,40,257,16,45,396,145,317,0.101,0.721,0.177,0.9751,0,0,2,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,3,7,8,17,2,0,11,0,44,3,1,0,2,38,56,10,0,8,9,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,13,14,0,2,1,5,1,1,12,5,0,3,2,6,34,12,53,41,4,25,0,1,2,1,22,10,2,9,16,182,47,1,0.09509818022252536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467002360687067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649485875441463,0.0,0.07825769943304972,0.08465754238307728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979967305206816,0.08410661233517976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421174924232107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276734857308543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588846536879234,0.0,0.08422876104183054,0.0,0.0,0.1256229022893593,0.08602174848484084,0.08012431838835858,0.09087038654560496,0.2564043372538401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347261813868744,0.08791673522406399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323008363104957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826990848983972,0.0,0.0,0.19332296423709536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156394721157293,0.06592910418872631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436399789072233,0.0,0.15125177974883305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761691540085153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834582769837192,0.1464224504240456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287263001564586,0.08312000113645282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317900529753165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635754094118507,0.10930136865834417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926395942289432,0.07548450900470792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833425042960788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zacharygiffard,2018/03/05,"Is there anybody out there? Is there anybody that knows anything that will help?. Iam really badly lost.
I feel like I had a big night out with friends and I woke in a strange place,all my friends and loved ones gone..its all desert and flat as the eye can see. In the distant distance I can see crumbling high rises that promise shelter,evan food or water..so I've been walking there ever since..for days and weeks and months and years..but it never gets any closer,like a mirage always flickering in the distance..
So the man in black fled across the desert,and behind me the gunslinger followed....",3.169707509881423,5.553191156521741,2.8524901185770766,93.23233201581029,76.56521739130434,4.8774703557312264,24.367588932806324,5.565023196281405,0.3980434782608695,473,16,92,2,11,140,79,115,0.068,0.7979999999999999,0.134,0.8171,1,0,0,1,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,9,0,7,3,1,0,3,15,17,9,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,5,5,6,5,10,11,1,19,0,1,4,1,5,9,0,1,7,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595749583533944,0.0,0.0,0.15197752314511434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390918486700752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660071310247373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412939299165034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021550564263156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300077522663238,0.1596577911801024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702390549307435,0.0,0.34532804848143583,0.0,0.11676173422338527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497973433024907,0.2361242651496697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282155946209382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918352509541054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396037298804546,0.0,0.2017040169289192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783836646879039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236547691554033,0.0,0.0,0.20972561534431647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143927914438868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334943500842536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431702697292751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35617736008631984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926625679742547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aloneandnooneisthere,2018/03/05,"I've destroyed myself I currently have no interest in living or doing anything in my life anymore. I've been depressed for so long that all my interest is just gone at this point. My name is Dexter, around 4 years ago I found some friends online and soon found someone who I would love forever. Me and my boyfriend spent nights talking about everything or just enjoying each other's company and I was happy with him, he was everything to me. At some point, less than a year ago, I started to wonder what love is and why I love him, for half a year I grew more and more distant from him and at some point I left him because I believed that love it stupid because it's just a way to find happiness from doing nothing. I considered love a fake reason to be happy, just like religion. Religion it just making up a reason to live by imagining that there's some creature that gave us meaning in life, but in reality we all just appeared with no reason to live. It's the same as asking a dog why he is alive, or even a stone. I've broken up with my boyfriend around 2 months ago and ever since I've been depressed because there is no longer any happiness from love in my life. I hate my parents as well, even though they give me food and everything I need to live, I still hate them for the way they talk with me, for deciding things for me, I hate their existence, I want to never see them again, but I can't do that because by leaving them my chances of getting in a university will drop and I might not even find foster parents anyway at my age. I have no irl friends as well because I hate the country I'm at, I hate the people that live here, I hate their ""standards"". I've only had one friend to talk to and he isn't even that much of help anyway. I've wanted to call the suicide hotline so many times but in this country these is no suicide hotline which I would trust and the only hotline which has online chat is for US citizens only and requires me to put in my zip code and I'm afraid that when I text them and tell them that I'm not actually from US, they're just gonna hang up on me. I've posted on this subreddit before actually, the only problem is that after days, no one replied. That felt like being rejected by the internet. I have no meaning in life, I hate my parents, the people I try to reach out to don't care, I've pushed away the only person who cared about me and who was my only love, I can't get any help from a suicide hotline and I have to worry about my grades and school at the same time.

edit: fixed mistakes",6.640096153846155,5.2781065096153865,6.960000000000004,80.78500000000005,65.63461538461539,9.923076923076923,33.269230769230774,8.730908602173464,2.485442307692308,1995,69,419,25,26,650,220,520,0.181,0.6709999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9849,4,1,0,0,0,4,42.0,4,0,9,1,32,40,9,1,20,0,32,12,0,4,4,77,72,30,3,7,15,3,1,2,3,5,4,0,0,2,27,26,1,1,13,1,1,6,14,16,2,3,12,2,67,24,67,53,13,60,0,3,1,7,50,28,0,10,24,288,94,4,0.0,0.0,0.10651267582430406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512963726287134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422436375922789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412272961226978,0.0,0.0,0.04490974044628218,0.09716483573598376,0.05101930993302305,0.0,0.05127405628222058,0.0,0.0,0.16633897654179086,0.0,0.04643844249433855,0.061486193813665074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557261414102317,0.0,0.1112836317187172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519570615581806,0.0,0.09400898829150987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418241212803135,0.049365294727256696,0.0,0.0,0.14714273890995488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239958487264185,0.0,0.09975926896633848,0.0,0.06599108045726265,0.11967511752212935,0.12649117854557412,0.0,0.057025310419618086,0.052352340175500896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23238009144615865,0.0,0.3771635885897925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315958484751395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778597127806516,0.05929479543500675,0.0,0.15418888093338484,0.05332418581041379,0.0,0.2409491472553347,0.04829626023804325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447860713243106,0.0,0.036428559407246285,0.05532945604523272,0.0,0.11889413926161545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578943748560184,0.0,0.0,0.04356043493305463,0.0,0.040118159049411684,0.040465919090429216,0.04209082235764528,0.0,0.0,0.05121398888729319,0.0,0.05236521140434845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396149055485979,0.24903585315761426,0.0,0.0,0.1817938590632661,0.0,0.0,0.0756694607283885,0.04765189953004476,0.0,0.0,0.15477016983131647,0.0,0.05226679291377597,0.0,0.0,0.05221993419309335,0.0,0.05486192933339612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683334405773251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055231787365158214,0.04348840109830804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514416514431861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624036121097677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038627748158554326,0.0,0.04358285568972982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908524879625584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159350808446638,0.04770006918138845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036256531307744574,0.0,0.05361866412579857,0.0,0.06364506018002708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03705215414140322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969373568036913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437830177369283,0.08663657970208166,0.0,0.0,0.0981371349140162,0.0,0.09848906779029952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918315981136312,0.0,0.05542253183430648,0.0,0.07753558765430843,0.0,0.0,0.10543157305395028
suicidewatch,ItsAnIllegal,2018/03/05,"I am undocumented, have little to no money, no family I was married to someone with schizophrenia. Thought i could help them. I was constantly threatened with deportation and divorce constantly. Made some wrong decisions along the way. 2 months ago i became homeless, today i have a roof over my head thanks to a family who gave me a job at their restaurant and can afford rent. I have not applied to my residency card because i was broke during our marriage. Next week we are filing for divorce.

Today i have no way of being a legal alien in this country i call home. I was an artist who could have had a career but i do not even know if it’s possible any longer. Everyday i am fighting for another day and my mind is getting constantly drained. 

I made a new friend in these past 2 months. This amazing woman who stepped into my life out of nowhere and she is like the only thing that brings light to my day. She calls me her boyfriend, she knows all about my situation. I told her she doesn’t have to deal with me, but she says she wants to stick around. I don’t know what’s so special about my predicament. She is too good for me. I feel in a very dark place at the end of the day, and i can’t even bring myself to tell her about it because i do not want her to freak out on top of all this. 

I had to go to the ER due to work injury, without health insurance and racked up a 2000 dollar bill that i can not even afford. The restaurant cant pay for it. Neither can I. I can barely make enough to pay my rent. I am looking for another job but i feel really drained and want to end all this. I cant take it any longer i feel like. There is more,  pages more, so much more, but it will be useless chatter. 

Every night i ask myself “is this the night i do it?”  I have never attempted it, but tonight at 2 am i am debating if it is tonight or not",2.664991228070175,4.036585692105266,3.851578947368424,90.00938596491233,74.97368421052632,6.9614035087719275,25.035087719298247,7.554174236665415,1.0443666666666669,1433,47,316,18,30,467,189,380,0.091,0.8170000000000001,0.093,0.5756,6,0,0,0,4,0,36.0,2,0,2,3,11,12,1,0,16,0,42,3,1,3,4,52,65,17,0,7,14,0,3,2,1,1,2,1,3,1,21,16,0,0,8,1,7,4,16,5,1,0,11,6,60,7,44,49,11,46,0,2,1,0,33,16,0,4,26,224,81,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804496054362944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508780084774094,0.20830028645589727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841964628948529,0.09285477207966687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109428978972354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028423420982852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220027072067536,0.0,0.15860467352429575,0.0,0.0,0.19216778574063534,0.10239894718349324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594362059366742,0.10262850805741904,0.0,0.1968082040940053,0.0,0.0836849699584587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187268138874626,0.0,0.1506639854060523,0.07095726872102677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673767422149705,0.0,0.05189282458678033,0.0,0.05644826392239982,0.08330847398175391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193534226294884,0.10557704009474546,0.0,0.0,0.06657495549603604,0.0,0.09963032771859738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712799727161975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375804152876486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015565976433036,0.09704962937091596,0.09954899847562748,0.0,0.0,0.08340736004380883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879660262041532,0.06629971250867582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028918494676918,0.0,0.15855934792963122,0.0,0.07301475695534204,0.0,0.07660498979299538,0.09592798589890524,0.10563247364376868,0.18641817271394145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554057282419971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481624164522848,0.0,0.0,0.10377270799819703,0.0,0.0,0.11197317550968916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362966208509176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898663538761247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164462587877846,0.0,0.0,0.08415712025041702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467947986491705,0.0,0.08681377811335919,0.09144443079108397,0.0,0.0,0.06598662262189574,0.0,0.0,0.07885236506889452,0.0,0.0,0.18829556304663747,0.0949085835753874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195291372651939,0.17575205973737648,0.1576779433622186,0.0796719274528758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957450389141479,0.0,0.07230924171028773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859548234795917,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-might-be-god,2018/03/05,"I was robbed of my own soul Hey guys,

I have no firm diagnosis of what pre existing condition I have, but I went to a couple of music festivals one time and found that the way people were talking and conversing from subject to subject using their subconscious mind to steer a conversation that was multifaceted in one direction or the other. It was almost as if life at that moment was a game with a structure to the way it worked, and that I had been born with the complete inability to recognize or respond to what other people were talking about in regards to this whole setup. It is almost as if people could sense my energy without me doing anything to intend it and they would react to it and try weird ‘social experiments’ on me, by trying to engage my mind to what they were talking about, noticing that my brain operates in a single dimension. If someone says a cow is green, a cow is green, and there is no ulterior motive to me saying that other than the cow is green.

Anyways this experience shattered my entire life into pieces as I was a student pilot when I was in high school. I can’t even picture me ever being in a functional relationship anymore and I’m 22 years old and fairly attractive, muscular, and pleasing to the eye. But as far as what’s in my brain? It’s pure emptiness. I can’t find my meaning to live anymore knowing that everybody else has the building blocks they need to achieve their life while I was robbed of the ability to build with those same blocks. 

Is anybody out there aware of a condition similar to mine? Or has experienced the same thing? I can never unsee what happened to me and think about the easiest ways to kill myself every single night, because as it stands in the end my life will be far more of a struggle than the happiness I will attain out of it. 

I fear a sad destiny is coming in faster than I can work my around it... I had the perfect life to lose.... and because somebody decided to fuck with my subconscious mind my entire life went down the drain.

Can anyone relate or share any insight? Any diagnosis ideas? It’s so simple. Such a highly intelligent person that would completely present himself as such to anyone... but 2 minutes into conversing with him you realize he was born without life’s full set of building blocks. A literal piece of his psyche is missing and all he wants is for it to be back.

It’s much appreciated guys. I want to live life if I know I have a reason to.... but as it stands I know a little trick with some oxycodone and lorazepam that would make it easy for me and everyone else involved.",8.313824614352782,6.97601778269618,8.464922032193163,71.25708794433268,62.31991951710261,11.341683433936955,36.804912810194494,10.317481424215053,3.707071160295104,2046,80,372,38,24,673,241,497,0.097,0.802,0.101,0.489,0,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,0,1,5,7,14,15,3,2,30,0,43,13,4,6,5,80,61,37,1,11,14,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,3,35,26,0,3,13,1,0,3,7,9,0,2,17,7,47,6,76,35,13,46,1,3,4,1,29,22,1,11,15,286,82,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872777873594054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107794212071465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720220957734365,0.1108359098460877,0.0,0.0652213079447129,0.07055504674441583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094332034730224,0.0,0.09662799654980976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695282703981866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827241663668263,0.16619776664994598,0.0,0.0,0.06327982877104223,0.08769575804928878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324171934639413,0.0,0.07019769302585517,0.0,0.0,0.052348139892179714,0.07169199949037912,0.0667769801735367,0.0757329375496955,0.0,0.15505603881671226,0.0,0.08918554452203227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724389624270433,0.0,0.0,0.08690061015345578,0.0,0.07327131391650478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695269881655133,0.07008621986850838,0.08436996826200288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747758869881652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947088860080349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768552271063637,0.0,0.13067182192754334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478494146291365,0.0,0.07943578758291098,0.1399698005465281,0.0,0.0,0.08866769818125976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290429798685168,0.0,0.0,0.08633351242453402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400792729495498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582626125097826,0.058767655836701876,0.06112746275872655,0.0,0.0,0.07437681240421802,0.0,0.0,0.09023399734364683,0.08316631532488424,0.0,0.1074124478029092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483933611506146,0.06920367792187622,0.0,0.08699978541219414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148883409393826,0.0,0.08509176990058237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605582550537406,0.0,0.08021176199823928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079197309707553,0.06715373564946843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285605336726816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111000484556487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052654465822576206,0.050784335013070635,0.0,0.0,0.046215075258857014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076198584653136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845212851018738,0.0,0.0,0.09349501919215113,0.18873025053835205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469430524151054,0.0,0.08848699965259263,0.0,0.15280078533715974,0.0,0.1153992838247603,0.0,0.0,0.16890453124945304,0.0,0.0,0.051038557373926687
suicidewatch,ExtremeContract,2018/03/05,"I don't even know how to feel I've been hating my life for a long time ago now, i have no direction, no job, no real friends and I am always struggling with this anxiety and depression.
I always feel like people will betray me or get advantage of me even my family, i am desperate and am in constant thinking of the scenario of me killing myself.
I don't really have any will to continue on this strugle, the only thing that keeps me going is that myself suffered of a loss about ten years ago i saw what it did to the family of my friend who ain't with us anymore.
I am trying to better myself but my financial status keep pulling me back i always feel ashamed of myself and don't want to go out and keep meeting random people who always ask me where am i working at, I feel screwed and don't see a happier scenario than me closing my eyes and never opening them again.",9.515690208667737,5.795299252808987,9.640626003210276,71.23511235955056,62.089887640449426,12.643338683788125,39.47351524879615,10.290406445055957,3.8956459069020863,689,25,136,11,7,231,104,178,0.2,0.748,0.051,-0.9731,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,1,4,8,13,3,2,6,0,17,3,1,1,1,28,34,10,1,1,2,0,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,9,12,0,3,6,0,0,3,9,8,0,1,3,7,29,5,20,29,0,21,0,3,3,1,8,7,1,2,12,102,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342057060290865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396867994040276,0.0,0.0,0.08983573159131544,0.0,0.10105974013234173,0.0,0.13101237287016082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235000692760366,0.0,0.0,0.10158036621435808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683587896503085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275825843029402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378159153674434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745078276203063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490731236125148,0.0,0.26718443892988675,0.09437562988326052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041275396014265,0.0,0.06901925757674618,0.0,0.15015629996802182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042604955537346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109353872735682,0.3522622032897361,0.14615428660407978,0.0,0.07260129275121796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330946215200636,0.06453968752536729,0.0,0.0,0.11690850960160006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188729490615694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004715833983836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316954216559275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503640792522545,0.08462965876193689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527034872474354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810452394387912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776449807128799,0.0846473628148605,0.0,0.0,0.07703131766805067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896904252389316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589056982557158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791877956956082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617380087752887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850711008122074
suicidewatch,HighElfNova,2018/03/05,"I think I’m done I think I’m just done. I’m in my 20s and I don’t plan on living past 30. I’m just tired. I don’t know when or how, but I really think I’ll end up making a plan and following through. I don’t know why I was born, but I feel like it was a mistake. So I’m going to correct it. ",-2.737499999999997,-1.4036926438356154,1.2235445205479465,102.54298801369863,91.87671232876713,4.745890410958904,14.60445205479452,5.985473137389443,-1.064916438356165,219,4,66,2,8,82,41,73,0.085,0.86,0.055,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,2,1,17,21,8,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,1,9,1,5,17,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134961505386335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222214503025314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685776852021152,0.1792362138697984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258684539778432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27576570033763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257241886168847,0.0,0.2215408963336096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674713481071431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395033584602824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072687023488744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482281480200954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883617070461033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263896407797051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MysteriousArmadillo,2018/03/05,"This is my cry for help i've been hesitant about posting how i feel here but i can't keep this anymore. i feel like i'm trapped in this body. I feel like I keep taking bad decisions. I want everything to stop, I can't take this anymore, this isn't life.
I feel like everything's over. I thought that the upcoming music festival would cheer me up but right at this moment I couldn't care less, I just want the pain to stop. I just wanna feel better.

I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm scared about tomorrow.

I feel like I'm no one, and that nobody cares, and I usually fantasize about ""how long would it take for them to notice that I'm not around anymore""...

And I feel stupid for crying at 3am in front of a screen... I feel so hopeless...
I've failed 4 attempts in the past... 
I'm seriously trying my best, but I'm never enough... ",1.2775,3.0379802413793087,2.960445402298852,93.20721982758621,79.91954022988506,6.648850574712642,21.219827586206893,7.6454224807358475,0.6157137931034478,638,18,148,10,16,211,90,174,0.27,0.537,0.193,-0.9534,0,1,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,4,11,19,1,3,4,0,8,3,1,2,1,33,34,10,0,6,6,0,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,4,10,0,0,1,7,9,0,1,2,9,20,10,19,29,3,19,0,2,1,0,2,9,0,0,12,81,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160099041649648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455377512399724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886850004525293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146597902067146,0.09393844287607728,0.0,0.1179808035472982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658632794078847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333441486613208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974837922786976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091819711162505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296435371758373,0.3035197679074572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711936049851728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881735732929653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502272125489147,0.20756492966192985,0.0,0.0,0.09399683939746137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191947471208498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092636157236787,0.0,0.0,0.07197396149325205,0.0,0.11302013663856066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101394135430868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172450858765747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070693970209892,0.0,0.0,0.3190189167164687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760081586893856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395811465612305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432276205120058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211294135391566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698070055460795,0.0,0.12529659362188916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090402744245895,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilentlyBleeding,2018/03/05,"Waiting to finally end it I'm not a teen. So please don't spew the typical ""you shouldn't, life gets better"" BS.
I don't trust people as a general rule. The one and only that I trusted, I trusted completely and she was everything in my life. Much more than a typical ""W"". Yeah some words I avoid saying now. So figure what a W would be to a man.
    She planned and decided to hurt and cause as much pain as possible, not only by cedar by but also by abandoning myself without food money or vehicle. She even stole my pills.  I was in ICU as she was stealth my things . Used my credit cards and bought things that would make anything be cry to know the person you have given your heart to, bought things to wear for the cheater.  

I am physically alive. Had heart attack with the mechanical valve I have.   Emotionally I am just dying. I'm in hell. I want to end it.  
The shit thing is, all the specific dates that had meanings have pssed.

She left a trail of pain and tears and a mess.   She doesn't have a heart.  
I am still tortured.  So I'm going to end my life.  I know how. I just came find the right place.  I've been homeless since she destroyed the unity.  I cannot even say that M word.    She destroyed it with intent.

          I know that my death won't mean anything to her.  That was obvious after she tried to kill by stealing my cardiac pills.
I want to die purely for myself.  I am so tortured by pain and those FUCKING memories.   His she loved just weeks before. Hiow she planned a special holiday dinner and abandoned myself to spend that holiday alone without food.

    I do NOT have one true friend in they say world,  she was everything in my life.
    She was ""that one woman"" that you know would never cheat.
    I am going to leave a mess.
The caliber I picked will leave a mess that still won't cone close to the mess she created in my life.    I don't know how I would ever trust a woman again.

I want to just grab the grip hard and pull the trigger so hard.    I would shoot 20 rounds if I could. But the first one will instantly kill.
I have been tormented by a mess of pain depression tears anger and missing what she USED to be.   I can't live with all this mess longer.     I'm not here to ask you Tube type some words that could have magic to erase my pain.
  I just have NOBODY to talk to, you see? 
      She was everything that was good in life.  She has something evil inside that took over what she was.  And she became the worst thing, the biggest regret EVER in life.   I wish I died in heart surgery and I would have never been alive to give her a ring and to open my heart to a woman who has became a monster.
     I want to die. To not feel. To not have ability to think or remember ......ANYTHING.
I was a sane man and the world could have blown away and I would have been OK because she was by my side.   All I cared about was that she wanted this guy.
   Now I'm homeless, I'm older,  I'm just the trash of society.   I want to turn off my brain.  I wish I died during heart surgery.  I wish I could go back in time and make that happen or to miss surgery.

  I am tired of life! ",0.8796786402913668,3.047142629984055,2.212173581851509,95.8703892023138,83.62519936204147,5.4657716203670645,19.087076578828345,6.755614485485044,0.010234802066223736,2347,61,532,27,67,752,256,627,0.273,0.632,0.095,-0.9993,0,2,1,1,0,3,80.0,0,6,1,4,26,47,13,1,35,2,65,30,9,10,10,108,114,35,8,23,20,0,6,0,1,12,16,4,0,7,30,23,3,4,13,2,5,6,19,34,0,5,23,11,87,13,67,72,9,48,1,7,2,2,47,22,3,6,20,354,117,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559727499989149,0.0,0.04321855404021874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341954576726392,0.0,0.05052336151712423,0.06148226418246616,0.05077563152847034,0.04155610272427362,0.0,0.032944405783778434,0.0,0.045987023766368484,0.0,0.0,0.047797069149228426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033040057475995,0.0,0.06181134750489865,0.055100932996195416,0.05551754427392885,0.0,0.0,0.056663563981181574,0.0,0.0,0.1725972953096759,0.0,0.059364228678168214,0.0,0.0,0.0465475729439136,0.0,0.2804430163079469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060791644617132275,0.1435994556465906,0.0,0.0,0.0713904219982449,0.09777084931876864,0.0,0.0,0.14571239403917546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027326008962862917,0.0,0.0,0.059201994290257465,0.04939476462232605,0.04596935925556277,0.13069918896295651,0.0,0.04175386110850178,0.04996232943175302,0.02823548944251548,0.05184343364162732,0.09214247091313348,0.045329109685486736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351154513491575,0.04779047376831492,0.0,0.0968246915638239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842507272568045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785466658717661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958221404509135,0.0,0.14850442521136664,0.0,0.0,0.11444849102555675,0.05871840269457883,0.0,0.3053800838758869,0.0,0.0,0.04772138584392944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048776353643510836,0.0,0.07214888946543953,0.0,0.0,0.1177383933273043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945635704268783,0.0,0.08336333193530364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464850516619731,0.08220500862859657,0.28753038270470577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0374669465855678,0.04718868503111249,0.05646393744099198,0.059323515669571524,0.0,0.060925907196699075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122073138978329,0.04615283941820815,0.0,0.12893264111248054,0.0,0.0,0.0430656591274152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055474858943965456,0.04470532782527624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160531374172498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631839108963038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343810471620882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952044441828574,0.03462888189485575,0.0,0.0,0.03151318969695935,0.062115033893512236,0.0,0.0,0.060044298423063226,0.0366919776283106,0.058783790813490965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335243527440808,0.0,0.0,0.19125747988207312,0.0,0.04335042242109157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644201587640147,0.10419197863907946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687365794883094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hammerfan12,2018/03/05,"I feel unloved by my family, and it leads to a lot of ""dark"" thoughts I feel unloved by my family (mostly my mother).


My whole life, i've been wanting to be praised by my mother, for anything. But she tends to ignore me. Ever since my sister was born, i just feel like i've been replaced. I've posted about this before, so if you check here (https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/80ta7o/my_mother_showed_heavy_favoritism_to_my_younger/), you'll see the full list. Thinking about my childhood has always caused me to go into a spell of depression.


No matter what, it seemed like my sister was always better, that i wasn't good enough. I've been told to ""get over it"" by many people, but i just can't.


And to top it off, i'm nothing but a burden on them. I had an injury last year, and it has severely limited my mobility, and i have difficulties taking care of myself, so they have to take care of me. I can't work, i have no friends, i just feel i have nothing going for me. My whole family likes my sister better, no matter what they always take her side, lavish her with gifts and praise. But, when i need something, i ask and beg, and they can't seem to lift a finger to help me.


But, the incident that kind of pushed me far into taking my own life, was a few days ago, i know it may sound petty and insignificant to some, but it means a lot to me. (my sister moved in with my dad about 4 years ago, but about 4 month ago i moved in with him, due to my injury, he was able to take care of me better, (his new girlfriend is a nurse, and he got me involved in a gym). Before i moved, i got a new cell phone, gave her my number, for the first couple days, i called her everyday. And before i hung up, i would always tell her ""Call anytime"", anyway after a few days, it occured to me, i've always been the one to call her, so i did a little experiment, i stopped calling and decided to see if she'd call me. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into a month and half!


At first, i assumed she was just busy. So, i asked my sister if she'd heard from mom. She told me mom's called her quite frequently, i was in complete shock, because not only had mom not called, she hadn't texted me, messaged me on facebook, or anything. I felt awful, and a couple days later, she called my sister. She put it on speaker, i talked to her a bit, and asked why she hadn't called me, she said she didn't have my number, but i've given it to her multiple times, and to make it worse, we had been talking over my sister's speaker phone, at the end of the conversation, she said ""I love you (sister's name), i was about to tell her i loved her, but she hung out. She just can't take 5 minutes out of her day to call me.


But, i found something that did bring me some happiness, it's the free mason's lodge. (it's basically an exclusive club, it's hard to explain). I went for a meet and greet and to turn in my application, for the next 30 minutes, people, complete strangers came to talk to ME. Not my sister, but me. I felt so much joy from it, it was hard to hold back tears, because for once people actually cared about me and who i was. That night, i came home and found out mom had been planning to take my sister to lunch for something, they've been planning for a while, i overheard mom and sister on the phone, and they were talking about it. I asked mom if i could come to, she actually said yes, so the whole car ride, i'm trying to tell her about the mason's club, i just kept getting ""oh, that's nice"", like she didn't even care. She was more focused on talking about my sister's new boyfriend.
 

I feel like i've been replaced, it's weird, i had an epiphany sort of, thinking of this i was looking in my father's bedroom, and something caught my eye. My father is an avid hunter, so he has a decent collection of hunting rifles and handguns, so i know it would be easy to take my own life. I've been thinking about it a lot, i feel like if i kill myself, my mom will have more time for my sister, and won't have to worry about me just getting in the way.


It just feels like my mom cares more about my sister more then me.",5.358163306758748,4.8523272887828215,5.7827101000355485,85.36020032498857,67.87828162291169,8.277499619154014,26.77966790230031,7.211369081168443,1.0896129792311982,3180,75,700,24,47,1024,300,838,0.07200000000000001,0.777,0.15,0.9972,1,0,4,2,0,1,154.0,1,3,5,14,35,35,1,0,34,2,60,8,2,3,1,113,135,52,1,10,28,27,12,7,2,6,3,7,2,0,31,37,1,5,23,3,2,16,16,8,0,4,53,23,142,28,99,71,21,86,2,1,4,2,118,29,0,17,46,458,173,2,0.041420037833155114,0.0,0.08083996402574098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101490931910499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232394783617389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681703238414823,0.0,0.1548885763195748,0.0,0.0,0.031849452387343415,0.0,0.05049854123239909,0.0,0.10573620439823264,0.0,0.0,0.10989797249926213,0.04521995361805998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229448966550662,0.0947469777142928,0.2533829344302932,0.042549788529180066,0.0,0.03567969501246826,0.08685624323773132,0.0,0.0,0.033070529830621045,0.09166096808135103,0.0,0.1602749868488982,0.0,0.035675017892320506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036685859401608616,0.04279797135568145,0.0,0.02735754434711849,0.037466795562007056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405167448829489,0.11714137614039835,0.0,0.14660250962930596,0.11836193321648357,0.07953946369830213,0.0,0.0,0.0704637260428912,0.0,0.09082986715331136,0.032001018483049336,0.0,0.06492078065641946,0.0,0.047079924051456966,0.034741162574065995,0.06625477609527962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440924004758675,0.07420843634790403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027762978262638228,0.0,0.04154767513011159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582513497322694,0.043132595516082464,0.04552673913106365,0.033762859092828605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776859297280871,0.14165016794848515,0.041513759343193415,0.0,0.0,0.034782399876755174,0.0,0.0,0.10564150491353597,0.0747664025813372,0.0,0.027648196885495892,0.041993417230813936,0.0,0.045118563900482266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880851816476704,0.06612215805642632,0.13206883556818708,0.030448493658004342,0.03071243322189082,0.0,0.1200111919315611,0.04405068013564456,0.03886989963610305,0.0,0.07948728681102042,0.0,0.0,0.04411098848851285,0.0280672895947505,0.031501805230502465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614631689312525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966894668818737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041638578313535325,0.0,0.04405530872879471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819982321766315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601281496529685,0.07541449363095508,0.0,0.0467928530064299,0.0,0.03426308331844663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754867489568866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03462900629503913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491417093057788,0.1664592872357128,0.10860881618473768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796208633269826,0.0,0.0328828833764024,0.04830471430326706,0.0,0.0,0.07915724233261116,0.0,0.028121486806021816,0.135159321297584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024430611470170664,0.03287729808789302,0.066449311863179,0.0,0.0,0.03839679004093659,0.037375141669663325,0.13873197913767146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030154280852806605,0.04206405899605136,0.04221055716481455,0.058847212955462636,0.0,0.0,0.053346292710535925
suicidewatch,SaladCzarSlytherin,2018/03/05,I want it all to end I'm done. I want it all to end. I don't give a shit about my future. I have no future. My story's over. I want it to end. Fucking close the book. I'm scared but I know it needs to end. There is no hope. It's over. Why the fuck did I let my life go on this long? I should have ended it years ago. It would have been simpler. Why do I wait for it to get better? It's not going to get better.,-3.937034813925572,-2.6937535510204054,-0.4580912364945959,108.61443577430977,110.0204081632653,2.3058823529411767,7.805522208883554,3.1291,-2.616141176470588,304,2,89,0,17,107,54,98,0.112,0.7140000000000001,0.174,0.6395,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,3,1,3,0,12,4,1,0,2,14,28,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,12,3,11,22,2,16,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,1,10,55,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323993774552165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641950600039092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284800173649124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.661446881513308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761633894527223,0.15606975407247414,0.14328053273512814,0.16977042083061644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834902064122235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208481446230348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273158384283522,0.10549798217189844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217964799326215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074917425766856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953626237179451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533167613442041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642906891209272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26954986260927444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610165914072478,0.0,0.0,0.09618348739605344
suicidewatch,ChuggingDrugs,2018/03/05,"The only (or at least main) thing keeping me hanging on is a girl halfway across the country. I hate everything about being alive (maybe sans drugs at times). My family doesn't want to deal with my problems anymore, I have no friends, and I'm starting to give up on dating. And absolutely fucking fuck this chronic pain and unchasable chronic illness. There is however a girl I've been in love with for 2 years now who keeps me sorta grounded. We met on tinder when I was spoofing my location to meet girls in the city I wanted to move to in Arizona. We talked a bunch and eventually I met someone else, and was unable to move (and was NOT nice to the Arizona chick about it). Later, we randomly ran into each other at the zoo (OF ALL PLACES) and she gave me a hug because I wasn't single at the time.         
        
That's (mostly) the extent of it. We call often, but not daily. We've talked about everything, and she blindsided me recently by saying ""I would fucking marry you dude"". She's just amazing. Bubbly and caring personality, drop dead gorgeous, and just everything I could possibly ask for in a woman. She calls me out on my shit and doesn't just blow smoke up my ass when I'm being pathetic. She's been very suicidal in the past and attempted more times than she can count. But she's been doing great this last year. She's living healthier and losing weight (even though she's 100000% perfect the way she is and I would marry her no matter what). I just want to be a better person and accomplish enough that she would be proud to be with me without feeling like she's settling. I don't want her to have to date some deadbeat who can't get up off his ass to get a job or do anything but avoid killing himself. She makes me want to better myself. Even if it's not for the right reasons, it's a great positive change in my life. And she's so unbelievably sexy I can't even tell you. Whenever I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts I just try to picture our life in Arizona. I know it's delusional, but it keeps me here. ",4.596683250414593,5.409611736318411,5.333582089552241,83.34218076285242,69.69651741293532,8.244112769485902,29.067993366500826,8.401726058763845,1.9819595356550583,1586,57,317,23,27,515,210,402,0.18,0.677,0.14400000000000002,-0.8923,2,1,2,0,0,0,49.0,5,2,0,7,19,25,6,2,18,0,29,16,3,2,2,70,59,27,4,11,16,0,2,1,1,3,7,1,0,7,15,27,1,4,4,0,0,4,12,11,0,0,12,3,54,14,51,38,11,46,0,1,0,7,49,25,6,8,16,221,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226933804365166,0.0,0.0,0.0765628794478107,0.0,0.0869785760749349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671549593422615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457024593448796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000572278909372,0.0,0.09485910177977934,0.0,0.09842255252153262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428378936807499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959187602113886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078952932305706,0.0,0.07772185148901947,0.0,0.0,0.09613379361774334,0.0,0.1843534475242144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508514114941001,0.0,0.08770855659170214,0.0,0.04704313565112146,0.06646682833087159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188142823032814,0.2580381910982578,0.09721770653191653,0.0892511484109339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051508745458047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185640250977956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923265014989128,0.24809107417323206,0.10293347858499886,0.0,0.0511316074696787,0.07583891537756403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314318963523743,0.04545398358223365,0.0,0.08215483024859102,0.0,0.0,0.10408644813626387,0.0,0.0,0.08397101179821727,0.0,0.062104019632233234,0.0,0.09346982661133782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977707163786295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076008387050457,0.09899968060304117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881591653688223,0.0,0.16247551657716305,0.0972055843223558,0.0,0.0,0.10488709569030563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902542046932259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565922514717984,0.09186444009439487,0.0,0.0,0.07945449657086405,0.0,0.07398806675299571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550283460985803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883134406563504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585323353496729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972641951746349,0.0,0.2035383590614658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956188116379354,0.08131987871885389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181074324023227,0.0,0.0914099987401734,0.0738622935604107,0.162754750581579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316713440379723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767666279446455,0.2743830240819208,0.0738497477561156,0.0,0.11329600784096056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968593605341918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827595722555813,0.0,0.0,0.11982767713651438
suicidewatch,lolxd2233,2018/03/05,"Give me a GOOD reason to live Im done trying, its too hard. Everything is just a grind from where I am. My childhood is over, and only very minor pleasures exist beyond the point im at. Not to mention depression bogging everything down. Its only getting more and more difficult, and my ability to cope with it is declining. I just want to die. I have no energy, motivation, or anything left. It takes A LOT of effort and energy to squeeze out even the smallest bit of happieness. Why should I live? To make money for someone else in a job? No.",2.2281818181818167,4.648221886792456,4.198370497427103,82.12578902229845,80.13207547169812,7.628130360205834,25.674099485420236,8.575989854853784,2.204690566037736,424,17,79,10,11,144,75,106,0.11,0.715,0.175,0.7658,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,6,0,7,0,0,3,0,16,12,5,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,7,3,17,10,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,2,1,57,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569137239836324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328519306216152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524869481082202,0.0,0.18374276882960144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117654212571388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789677831403464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693528669891412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31822981469372313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249770377112723,0.1698358577146066,0.0,0.1484953384085397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846565413434005,0.15859582771240702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382473821132565,0.0,0.1756879418476571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235782788233613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126645720327346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505156981882673,0.0,0.0,0.11817763277624065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26929848523119737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736293897477444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820297759798423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000802984112882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331143652582497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020063205739633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607908506463252,0.104424597480186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975384526846048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akolatronika,2018/03/05,Help me gain control My life has done a 360. And the only thing really helping me with my depression was my boyfriend. He broke up with me and blocked all contact and I've never felt this way. I keep downloading apps to call him and I feel so suicidal. I feel worthless and if the only person that loves me left me then it's not worth for me to live this life. I hate it and everything around me. I have always had suicidal thoughts because of my depression but never have I gone through with it because I can see the future. I can no longer see that future. I'm acting so crazy and the crazier I act the less he talks to me. I don't want him to put a protective order. I just want to die. ,0.6997916666666661,2.9203293958333347,2.424166666666668,93.71250000000002,84.90277777777777,5.822222222222222,21.5,7.1686216300943375,0.623758333333333,539,18,119,8,16,177,86,144,0.241,0.706,0.053,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,7,0,9,3,0,1,3,27,22,12,3,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,11,0,4,4,0,1,4,5,5,0,0,6,5,25,1,13,16,2,14,0,4,2,1,11,3,0,1,5,81,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325785190898023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184089859466592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425686031611988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269766552825965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787064503176171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744680063366791,0.0,0.16536337065271547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305383814530347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319898174807874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112795419456769,0.0,0.1529854735620262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573091803003644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359622906748935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141623238198241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731166836805253,0.0,0.22508440691777828,0.0,0.0,0.14069470010809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438050116709441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457761605039537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423611307980196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912416354924545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017451779428318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020733380664703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25393688337991466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485707206988818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806650536717898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058543235659814,0.0,0.0,0.12649327142826045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795845440198566,0.12647178604307285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oh_why_hello_there,2018/03/05,"alright i'm finally doing it i have a bunch of midols i'm taking all of them (12)  
and i'm going to kill myself 
can someone keep me company for a bit?",-1.1105882352941163,0.7790076470588225,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,90.1764705882353,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.8059058823529419,116,4,25,2,4,45,27,34,0.14400000000000002,0.795,0.061,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,9,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452492247167935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467623374523885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178152570312235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625016996442005,0.4512080218327094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455565215829849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30664049837921376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pojo644,2018/03/05,"I want to give up I just want to give up and die. I’m never going to be happy. I’m a transgender woman, and I feel like this has been a waste. I have been on hormones for 9 months now, and I’m no where near where I want to be. I’m unlovable. Gay guys don’t want to be with me because I’m too girly now, but straight guys don’t want to be with me because they see me as a guy. I’m tired of being rejected, I wish I had never started transitioning. My job is going down hill. My job roles have been gutted, it’s only a matter of time before my job is no longer needed and unemployed. Even my family doesn’t love me, the only time they talk to me is when they need money. I wish there was a pill I could and just never wake up, I’m sick of living. ",0.2409181636726529,1.645817083832334,2.8130778443113797,94.72388822355292,81.75449101796406,5.650938123752495,17.12135728542914,6.42735559955562,-0.4184168463073852,571,10,141,5,15,199,88,167,0.139,0.706,0.155,-0.3182,5,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,0,10,5,0,0,6,0,20,7,2,0,3,25,44,8,1,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,2,0,0,5,2,21,3,20,33,0,21,0,1,1,2,12,9,0,0,11,90,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662066499624208,0.0,0.10931322135172772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256788111983764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332512960160914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484912006845947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110422586433787,0.0,0.06495515086151912,0.09177455545345936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464683414213628,0.14601786176312193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815980399986608,0.0,0.13675209056099122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38244146039839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276091761265526,0.0,0.11343587792223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594358377379076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253856956109264,0.0,0.0,0.19050854133501446,0.297237577368263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954049983771777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236900636948844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092732998721098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325432626529447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498165351314595,0.1476502259369365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378856351227432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954540314720151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lindseee628,2018/03/05,"Alone. Losing my daughter. I feel like giving up. 

Long story short- I have a 3 year old and I’m being pressured to give up custody of her from my father and stepmom and my stbx husband and his mother. Everything seems extremely fishy, and although this may be “temporary” because I can no longer live with my parents. I just lost my job on Friday. I haven’t seen my child in almost two weeks. My father is an alcoholic and I know this will mess up my sweet little girl. I can’t leave her and it’s killing me. 

I just feel so alone. I feel so alienated, by my own family and hopeless. I’ll lose my car, I have no money. My head and my life is one big fucking mess and the only thing that has kept me from harming myself is my daughter. But if I’m going to lose her and she will hate me for having to give her up, what’s the point? 


The only reason I would consider letting them have temporary custody is for a stable home for my daughter. Her dad is military and isn’t around. But every fiber of me screams to not do this, don’t let her go. Fight for her. I feel alone and lost. I want to check myself in and get help but I can’t leave her. My feelings and thoughts are everywhere. ",0.5546326530612227,2.8012354938775523,2.31964285714286,94.01660714285715,85.89795918367345,5.132653061224491,20.17857142857143,6.5431188927421005,0.2040408163265308,916,28,199,10,28,301,134,245,0.146,0.8029999999999999,0.051,-0.9488,2,3,1,0,1,1,27.0,0,0,1,5,5,17,4,1,6,0,26,4,1,1,0,38,49,22,1,3,7,9,5,1,0,4,2,1,1,2,7,17,1,1,9,0,2,3,8,15,0,2,5,8,46,2,23,36,1,19,0,6,1,1,27,12,1,4,5,138,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039532674383642,0.11280901410377893,0.35003386307094514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028799403190264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867423656032805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491779395131886,0.0,0.10124822085317728,0.0,0.10620233614334976,0.0,0.2848120582416624,0.08048168524352815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041489366364807,0.05885826850538393,0.3242105730519371,0.12805034611485674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122477572713098,0.11561786803621554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551114508648091,0.0,0.11300345716071247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179399739494374,0.0,0.12463750764908345,0.0,0.061912957812355285,0.0,0.0,0.2385735167981601,0.0,0.2303974046604748,0.07957247832358766,0.055038179067598274,0.11291121129708527,0.09947757934812664,0.0996972829075109,0.0,0.37810075946389415,0.24595532489321525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821383897839248,0.0,0.07633882635803649,0.17136038956221772,0.0,0.0,0.12509149230566402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649661989882077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582944217844203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255806701138476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484384176367209,0.0,0.0,0.08943652060697174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004883825291044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644760622667427,0.0,0.09036609079779097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002780525522618,0.0,0.0,0.07254696543331815
suicidewatch,Human_bean_007,2018/03/05,"Help I've been battling self harm issues, and when ever i try to tell anyone about it, they call me weak or ""emo"". I thought you guys would be different. Please dont respond if you are going to hate.",3.0945528455284546,4.119567073170734,3.842439024390245,91.85601626016262,73.39024390243901,6.442276422764228,23.422764227642283,6.42735559955562,0.4356764227642276,154,4,34,1,3,49,37,41,0.253,0.643,0.104,-0.802,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918395690153819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801532251536421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866488182682823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215490128039641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24817520428503576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592566156154616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27166049467704234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27087465615644035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838983745083898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863615708368564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011659553493558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28621832698919525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23980358020561285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178119632866332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627308869618053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489816086161976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iwantout4101,2018/03/05,"I just want out already I've really tried to be positive and listen to advice of people but nothing works. Nothing is worth staying here anymore, I feel like a burden to any and everyone I go to with my problems or issues I'm facing. Ive actually been told im too miserble to talk to. 
  Most people just go away, or I get accused of not trying hard enough. But what's the use of it? So I just get old and miserble? People constantly tell me ""it's get better"", ""we all have a purpose"", ""people would be sad if you were to harm yourself""  but I don't care anymore I've heard those for 8 years after losing my mom. Nothing brings happiness anymore.
  Sex, jobs, ""friends"", ""family"", going out, music, movies, books, nothing Is enjoyable anymore. I just feel like I'm on autopilot half the time and I don't like having to fake emotions all the time, I'm just never happy, why do I have to stay alive, when I have no desire to anymore, if I'm gone the world keeps spinning, people keep going on, the universe will keep going on, I don't matter. ",4.136600274725275,4.850824514423079,5.521593406593407,81.9376923076923,70.68269230769229,7.673626373626374,28.31868131868132,7.7094869923839395,1.7398354395604394,801,28,156,9,14,270,121,208,0.208,0.698,0.095,-0.9813,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,3,9,15,0,0,7,0,17,2,1,1,3,36,42,13,0,6,13,1,3,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,3,2,1,1,7,6,6,0,1,5,5,17,9,22,33,4,24,0,2,0,1,9,7,0,5,11,94,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.09138507196026063,0.0,0.0,0.09150987205556564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033407852760334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368255018332622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643587725147004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798358104859483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282235357365178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547842652445693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119815128716908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053392430628812,0.0,0.09676144068660783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948284890921136,0.0,0.0,0.08828119620559287,0.0,0.0947005503208995,0.13380156602865054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235073424683627,0.0,0.1467786455252275,0.0,0.26610614559130896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993760011622345,0.08388849967266511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115384333144133,0.09774218444574646,0.0929292911721751,0.2497108337775959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725224307232298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476601722037818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967716487444994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222563512280616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594237831594284,0.0,0.09826581497210614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32461202670677913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896066577440543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059992081053256825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962853672176686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526917719877042,0.08185080735068606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921157241530403,0.0,0.0,0.08948284890921136,0.0,0.1271590914899232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088015163774198,0.0,0.0,0.055234888192770976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450102748486008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817546640090515,0.0,0.0,0.06652349311886578,0.0,0.0,0.060305009495218775
suicidewatch,somebodyfuckingkilme,2018/03/05,My final few minutes I just want to let somebody out there know at least before my parents find out. I had an alright life up until now but I just want to say goodbye to any stranger in my last few moments. Im scared and alone but I just need to wait now ,1.1116363636363644,2.7838132545454566,2.4309090909090934,97.22636363636366,80.0909090909091,4.4,23.72727272727273,3.1291,-0.1199818181818184,199,7,46,0,5,64,39,55,0.115,0.812,0.07400000000000001,-0.6428,1,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,14,7,4,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,10,5,3,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896965353711307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021326591640186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23801370233560196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064100411947159,0.25565104764082097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021361871451443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372200748345624,0.22800203033163824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860237405449767,0.19756835306444828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074023740632596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105862810594168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224376410977313,0.2800397929134822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299619266323013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Piano015,2018/03/05,"I’m ready to die I’ve seen enough of this world and I don’t want to see anymore. I don’t care what the future holds and I don’t want to be apart of it. “ things will get better in the future”. That’s what I told myself 5 years ago and things are still shit. Before I wished I were never born, now I really just wish I were dead. No matter how it happens. I’m done ",-1.3045121951219514,0.5968256219512185,0.9909268292682932,102.56321951219513,91.56097560975607,3.76780487804878,10.639024390243902,4.935628992294339,-1.8228624390243908,279,2,72,1,10,93,55,82,0.166,0.653,0.181,-0.4062,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,1,12,21,4,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,2,9,2,6,14,1,11,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,8,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043160352676625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305113927850144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280236696515492,0.0,0.0,0.1899974527350484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219030938485288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229570125711512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984310369123394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197421903834405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223849424859336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997123552977432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568820014636487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762398787975885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118969175742568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051732622521475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156150704569104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854436705886493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052768681719043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534216333130212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940820114403124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834185696093929
suicidewatch,desolatemouse,2018/03/05,"I'm too ugly. I want to die. I've never been one to feel confident. I was never the friend that people complimented. I was always the single one on the sidelines, wondering why nobody ever liked me. 
I eventually got with a couple of people, but one left me and the other cheated on me with his pretty ex. I'm still with the guy that cheated because he promised to not do it again, however, I get extremely jealous whenever he is around another girl now. I found a bunch of porn on his computer and also discovered that he looked up specific girls. None of them look like me.
So now every night I lay in bed, crying my eyes out, hearing my boyfriend become upset and angry over my insane jealousy. He tells me I am beautiful, but I don't believe it anymore. He rarely complimented me until I mentioned it to him.
So yeah. Just feels like looks determine where you are in terms of rank or place in this world. It's some bullshit hierarchy.

I don't want to live in a world like this. I don't want to live feeling jealous or insecure. There is nothing I can change about myself because they are natural features (nose, jaw,  lips, etc). and I don't like makeup.

I don't think anyone can convince me that life will get better anymore.

EDIT: People have also called me ugly and continue to do so to this day.",3.17298650568182,5.1070386210937535,4.7122443181818205,82.00377840909094,74.8984375,7.467045454545455,26.48011363636364,8.296473431620573,1.90388125,1021,38,192,18,22,342,150,256,0.184,0.639,0.177,-0.8361,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,2,2,16,17,4,2,8,1,19,6,4,0,3,29,37,15,1,3,6,1,3,5,1,1,1,1,1,3,12,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,9,6,0,3,5,9,33,11,28,31,6,28,0,0,4,1,20,16,0,4,17,134,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037160065273065,0.09903994851715088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481012396857485,0.0,0.0,0.236085480514913,0.08322640344774263,0.0,0.0,0.10595921112172588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511543481474684,0.13145590294567192,0.0,0.13410260084370698,0.0,0.10526965515760013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153981299840065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591471933264284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170104436731628,0.13074550370728252,0.07676252897243258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353117102608525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327465006300786,0.0,0.10766668098538218,0.10028532991991944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055079055410067,0.08503286919308123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050689529286702,0.09195991801646416,0.0,0.1243733262196327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519671664744668,0.0,0.0,0.1178553832603326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415201116525072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932311777872252,0.0,0.08407224724712165,0.2907527512078785,0.0,0.21020593608988375,0.0,0.2998579538438637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836018266772667,0.0,0.0,0.1116987193934966,0.0,0.11420955839834387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196720346055064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475548783895225,0.0,0.12435781793849765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210931881888196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950550674497888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403479124166083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626765658336551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061551797912376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740329922988326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907963828277605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kindofneedsomehelp,2018/03/05,"I feel like I’ll just end up killing myself no matter what I do I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I think I’ve basically made it so my future is ruined. My boyfriend gives me a lot of hope that everything will be okay but lately he’s been talking about breaking up or at least taking a break. It really hurts to think this is just happening and I feel trapped. I don’t know what I’ll do and I feel like if he leaves I won’t be able to take it anymore. I can’t tell anyone about it, I feel like it’ll just be seen as a cry for attention. I don’t know what to do anymore and I almost feel like I should just end everything now. ",0.0701130524152127,1.8621123165467672,2.2893371017471758,96.33303956834536,84.10791366906473,5.6980472764645445,19.281089414182944,6.868970318607317,0.010308941418293749,488,13,120,6,14,165,75,139,0.157,0.726,0.117,-0.8171,0,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,4,1,16,0,0,2,0,30,33,9,1,4,7,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,10,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,6,16,6,12,22,3,10,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,6,9,74,26,0,0.1370578182652211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724360703178906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718490543694189,0.0958340132840461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055157762500745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427850921345293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463574590352841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346502755207789,0.3916565310164838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147834812372095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119977605153914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612933876883698,0.0,0.0,0.14672322915014094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516341691052807,0.0,0.1506467850939224,0.0,0.15460718882152882,0.14512443995617624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678381077863053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330433117102565,0.0,0.25937484312391823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780274794671347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610084455901195,0.11016188266370157,0.1197945742316792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564223158441822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RemarkablePin,2018/03/05,"too many lonely nights every night is really difficult and i feel like a few more will do it for me and i will kill myself. even the day gets worse and worse and it's harder to get out of bed to go to school, even to do things i like to do like go to the gym. 

my friends are avoiding me and its been hard/unsuccessful making/reaching out to new ones. it was never hard for me to hang out with friends but now i know i must be a storm cloud walking around and nobody wants to be with me. it was never hard to get with girls even before when I was chubby but i've been curved a few times lately and honestly even just getting with a girl instead of finding friends i need some sort of connection like that....

video games/studying/reading helps take my mind off of it a little bit but i don't even have the patience anymore barely to play a game or even read something short i don't know what to do anymore. i don't even want to go to college anymore because i am going to cost my parents a lot of money where I applied and i cant bring myself to go to a local school because too many people who know me will be there, i am at such a loss i dont know what to do ",1.951506024096389,3.2404781566265046,3.2928092369477926,93.6295753012048,76.67068273092369,5.7832128514056205,22.49016064257028,5.985473137389443,0.1658367871485944,907,25,208,5,20,296,128,249,0.069,0.8079999999999999,0.123,0.916,1,4,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,17,14,1,1,12,0,27,0,0,0,3,38,46,13,1,4,5,1,3,4,3,4,0,0,1,2,11,16,0,1,6,5,2,8,7,5,0,1,5,3,25,9,35,34,6,28,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,4,14,146,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28686304729346795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583270241749061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755136529215833,0.0,0.08204484647468342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526377904240478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062181807851850374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300149469277493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445783507284144,0.0,0.0812365512042905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048751974502936064,0.06888123155966608,0.0,0.0,0.08812455227980262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347754934801284,0.0,0.2014982668343848,0.0,0.27398362482544153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25911549510153803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462713416473458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667253051943937,0.0,0.21195583918067212,0.0,0.1087640085701166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842038635280486,0.0966364368179322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197136544964201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550598525401824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735496723257507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071492925707747,0.14872742808922526,0.09312136626528343,0.0,0.18096403022674035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533551527220155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706107882281844,0.0,0.0,0.06684428842590481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288872488431488,0.0,0.061768012877977764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516087411627608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742274950388776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249453985545593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405601448005296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622226878064342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373998785526455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651690933532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ffswtfbbq,2018/03/05,"Im not sure what im doing with my life So let me start off by saying, i really don't want to kill myself, maybe some type of miracle will happen that would change my life (lets be realistic it probably won't though) but I don't know what that might be, I dont even know what i would want that to be, but it may happen and thats why im still moving on.

Do you know like, there are bad memories, there are good memories, and there are like memories that didn't actually happen, like scenarios that you made in your imagination but they are actually pretty realistic and possible imaginations that could have been reality if you did something at that time back then, but you didn't and now it's too late and you can't help but wonder what would you feel like right now if you did what you should have done back then, and that makes you feel like shit because THEY COULD HAVE BEEN ACTUALLY REAL WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY DIDNT YOU DO ANYTHING AT ALL.

Ok, lets move on to the next thing. So i was like daydreaming some stuff, but it was not intentional, like, i sometimes used to catch myself thinking about stuff, kind of like seeing a vision, but not exactly. Anyway, so these ""visions"" or whatever they might be, were always the same, there were 3 of them, i used to see one of them at a single time. Im not going to explain them or dive in to important details, but i must say that especially one of them was very very fucked up. The thing i want to say about them is not about their content though, i just wanted to say that i stopped seeing them. I dont catch myself ""seeing visions"" anymore. You would think that thats good right? Apperently not, after they are gone, i have never ever felt more alone in my life, and its not like i stay in my room all day not speak to anyone, i have a few friends (i barely see my closest friends though), i have a good family, i go to a pretty good college, my grades are not the greatest, but it's alright, point is, i have a pretty good life, probably one would consider as above average, but i just dont feel good or happy, i sometimes feel numb/empty inside, and im starting to like that feeling because at other times i hate myself for not doing things that i should have done (the thing i wrote a paragraph about it above). The fact that i have good life and there are probably millions of people who would die to be in place of me is just the cherry on top. Oh yeah, and as i said i also feel really fucking alone, especially now that the ""visions"" are gone. Also i think im pretty fucked up in the head because i enjoy watching things most people would consider as fucked up too, add the fact that i love to hate stuff in general and there we go, another reason to hate myself.

I dont know what im doing with my life, but i dont know what i want to do in the first place, and i feel like i already wasted my life at 19, when it sure doesn't look like that from the outside. Life in general seems extremely pointless right now, as i said, the only reason im still living is because maybe some miracle would happen, but again, i dont even know what would i want that miracle to be.

I dont know if anyone will read all that shit, im pretty sure i wouldnt, i mean looking back at it its fucking all over the place but i just wanted to puke it all out to somewhere anyways, not really caring if anyone reads. Now that im done writing, i feel like there are still a lot of stuff to write about but i dont even know what those stuff are. Maybe i will return to this post and write about them once i start remembering what they are. So yeah, i dont know what to say at this point or how will i end this post.

Nvm i dont know what to say but i know how to end it, if ur gonna comment anything please for the love of god, or love of something that you care about, dont write something along the lines of ""it gets better man"". Never in my life i have ever felt like it gets even remotely close to better, i feel like it just keeps getting harder and harder, slowly.",6.001140467376871,4.951033097205347,6.470287377433668,82.7634146203623,66.75212636695018,9.599920879369297,28.61705614739043,8.638961771785754,1.7890305970781886,3121,78,681,40,43,1018,270,823,0.111,0.69,0.199,0.9978,1,2,3,0,0,1,93.0,1,14,13,4,53,52,11,0,24,4,94,20,3,9,16,160,174,57,2,27,41,0,11,15,2,22,9,9,1,1,68,22,0,2,34,2,0,9,33,13,0,5,23,28,96,39,82,118,15,84,0,0,8,8,53,38,7,20,49,484,164,5,0.0,0.0,0.0948339212767188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670996317526113,0.03574694672160947,0.05181001578509591,0.026953922110414696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033967327431088074,0.0,0.0,0.03212557027983929,0.06795070160013056,0.0,0.053314052461585514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472562603927366,0.027047154319423162,0.07898691761412417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729869872088651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605450533235722,0.0,0.03426794529137965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172702322558957,0.0,0.0,0.02089107736726155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03361925780351975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994491524723342,0.417613342998032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057381914079907725,0.0,0.0,0.08558219896000498,0.0586034095658745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03053763534747557,0.0,0.14741178741807245,0.1157093358473672,0.062205530228055424,0.0,0.0,0.02755382822901816,0.0,0.0,0.05005415500729305,0.14973598342221314,0.05077267806167096,0.0,0.05522978473602614,0.19019045851241856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458158447454975,0.03448340010227716,0.0,0.09594539346597687,0.03324499650343698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021712627961486413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499045452960831,0.0,0.0,0.028792761886519774,0.03583852198946418,0.033732764208308716,0.1958283534409153,0.0,0.03654119100598308,0.0,0.0,0.0993734062360395,0.20592388769251244,0.23738684622060796,0.0,0.02860398512592305,0.0,0.0544046320237885,0.0,0.0,0.027539729008660245,0.08770898431231712,0.03065143916328105,0.021622860742882482,0.0,0.09763063919759604,0.035285933045809716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687286033638162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885816223489165,0.0,0.0,0.049967608118575695,0.0,0.0344507718223744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034497937253129406,0.06585186334402356,0.024636657155964272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491504024431699,0.0,0.10153269429320047,0.03555824982492091,0.061244508591961774,0.03651871613572257,0.06204788786826669,0.16477877924068246,0.10477676336296668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480437629654309,0.036870806090726266,0.06225616689676746,0.06661166592366452,0.0,0.0,0.03669543243774539,0.08299141625235153,0.061627124735685185,0.1545632962415953,0.0,0.0,0.1290668168300228,0.029489754802646536,0.0,0.0,0.06650276441197367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481411663021002,0.06407584536713577,0.0,0.06878469251881072,0.034527077800137695,0.07760828602808108,0.02708235129701485,0.0,0.0,0.1854135908199753,0.0,0.0,0.09159125070358884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076037510464076,0.062269190539893125,0.09547911801702276,0.0,0.05666659465696655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595503195969197,0.0,0.05345593137376284,0.13374535717808891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058460049811970886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512928437873684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710221836549728,0.035417121783277716,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shuffleboots,2018/03/05,"Somebody convince me loyalty and love isn't dead. It's the only thing that could save me. I've been hopeless since my boyfriend of 3.5 years cheated on me and told me he didn't love me anymore. I sent him a long text about how terrible he is, but it got no response and I feel empty because he didn't even care so much as to ask if I was okay. It's months later, and I have dark thoughts, usually either about hurting me or hurting him, even though I don't think I could do either. At least not yet.

Since then I've been at my university flirting with random guys on Tinder and feeling nothing but numbness and sadness because I know they all just want to get in my pants and never speak to me again. I give them my number, flirt a bit, then drag my feet on meeting up. Everybody seems shallow in general, and I'm losing hope of getting rid of this loneliness. It feels pointless to try as a university student because I know it will just end when somebody graduates. Nobody has ever loved me that much and I don't think anyone ever will. The thought of it makes me want to die sometimes because it is unbearable.",5.094598214285714,5.475654977678573,5.6107142857142875,83.33428571428574,68.41964285714286,8.185714285714287,32.51785714285714,7.957251820313856,2.237119642857143,881,37,176,10,14,284,134,224,0.165,0.6940000000000001,0.142,-0.8939,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,2,1,14,18,1,0,5,1,17,5,1,2,4,43,43,21,2,6,9,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,11,10,0,0,10,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,10,4,28,10,22,29,7,23,0,5,0,3,17,8,0,5,14,119,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607605273054462,0.08889031554812936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884679977289225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099823194855771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387900102405642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296146842659873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030014985251854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193799464653527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259699302300162,0.0,0.0,0.16793267379986138,0.22998771664618856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928380427359862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283746209669287,0.1219520236288588,0.0,0.0,0.10167525966985556,0.0,0.0,0.1258759452898218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262660245966612,0.0,0.0,0.2721846595058067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397316026369445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250359869283554,0.0,0.1422228532468114,0.0,0.0,0.3442118672066581,0.0,0.08485841363929593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147174266576932,0.0,0.18690628399567466,0.0,0.0980483574470612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198200647965947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668598750600106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573185624793507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103219178332508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257320817792755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445768322715137,0.1629159924967443,0.12490185868476635,0.2018496418239344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214755168343454,0.0,0.08631104478242728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001268419624988,0.0,0.14996586881831922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186576852916573
suicidewatch,Zenpool-,2018/03/05,"Reminder for myself I decided today that I am resigning from life.

This is not a cry for help, I have gotten help before and I am currently in the ""system"". That is one of my problems, I am stuck.

There is no helping me, there is only ignorance and discrimination. 
I have made too many mistakes, too many people have hurt, used and abused me. I am tired of failing.

My problems are far too complex to be fixed with some pills.
And no one in this world has the time to listen to everything I need to say. 
(When I speak honestly about my past, people have taken it upon themselves to help/intervene)

I have gotten ""lucky"" being saved, failed and wimped out from suicide in the past. 
This time I will make sure it is thought out and unstoppable.

It is calming to know I have it in me to pull the metaphorical trigger.

",3.5167332035053533,5.321417791139243,4.385443037974685,85.26846640701073,73.62025316455697,7.3931840311587145,26.077896786757545,8.139509932561175,1.6214268743914313,633,22,124,10,13,204,90,158,0.251,0.664,0.085,-0.9802,1,0,0,0,1,1,25.0,0,0,0,2,7,14,0,0,5,0,21,3,0,4,1,27,32,7,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,9,0,2,6,3,19,5,22,23,1,18,0,4,0,0,6,9,0,2,7,94,28,2,0.0,0.1907114340035116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696521560671154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680714502289085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466058633943926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315527297694734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231114853669094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845947813870371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369090018347006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230436713764026,0.10744213684736878,0.3263766168540753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934989709484932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814149993672005,0.12241743223010533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30730931476864976,0.2231789751512627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30803421310252943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280019560766354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606425765572065,0.0,0.1517030179175205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277843640326828,0.18771429276342064,0.18499999158164548,0.152571382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390178726256433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bernieiscyborghitler,2018/03/05,Suicidal thoughts from Wellbutrin I’ve been taking Wellbutrin for about a month or so. I’ve had some increased stress from my on again off again relationship with my ex. Now I hate myself,3.5344285714285704,6.521141228571429,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,79.57142857142857,5.7857142857142865,25.892857142857146,7.1686216300943375,1.3011428571428572,153,6,28,2,4,45,28,35,0.274,0.6729999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,7,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881825207523616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383145044367633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221267313440013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503848196933872,0.0,0.0,0.4300736319488847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29562141608689635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31213993275840035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_am_a_burp,2018/03/05,"I don't know what to say I'm miserable and have absolutely no reason to be. 

I'm married, am financially stable, have two kids with another on the way. My wife is relatively attractive and I'm fairly healthy. 

But I hate my first born, I can't think happy thoughts, and I'm constantly thinking about ending it all. I hate myself most of all. I know I'm blessed and am a miserable, ungrateful, rotten peice of shit for not counting my blessings. ..which I think is part of why I want to end it. So, I guess so long and thanks for all the fucking fish",2.28108108108108,4.205533189189193,4.153414414414414,85.05498648648648,77.46846846846847,7.683243243243242,26.41531531531532,8.548686976883017,1.914343423423424,428,17,89,9,10,145,71,111,0.252,0.621,0.127,-0.9507,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,4,2,3,0,9,2,1,1,3,21,26,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,1,2,12,5,11,24,5,8,2,2,0,1,3,1,2,2,6,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159261596987565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775573316021428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34055579415824205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352915382999994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773355094919194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178686524210635,0.0,0.0,0.20465545451749573,0.0,0.3796174014240704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113129561786231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701366589366731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818980031976386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766671391657387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288622714226466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973435542468976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769994879287307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36956128034302577,0.0,0.15262633403066114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878019251295159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339500323427905,0.15260040984086518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347720975743158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kitten622,2018/03/06,"Bad day... Today my parents found out that I try to cut, because of my suicide attempt a few days ago. I'm thinking about kmsing. 
They took my Discord and Phone away. The 2 most important things in my life. ",0.9356097560975628,3.3933401219512227,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439024,86.8048780487805,5.231219512195122,25.27317073170732,6.742157984588678,1.1021375609756103,159,7,32,2,5,52,37,41,0.273,0.682,0.045,-0.8935,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,6,2,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561361749930073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714774370044681,0.0,0.24126064764634264,0.17614084899762505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726968683012908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168180609633362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409347945862175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208440713824848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31606370338582146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919651166258867,0.18514708375167466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738902089860158,0.0,0.3210333727407152,0.19617764950050495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whitepeppermint,2018/03/06,"I am tired of overdose attempts, wanna attempt hanging next I gave up my life long ago.

Attempted suicide many times, failed many times, I'm tired of failing, I'm tired of living. I'm alone on this world. 

Depression took away my opportunities, energy, friends, boyfriend, everything, now I am just a mentally disabled piece of flash laying on my bed the entire day taken care by my parents.

I want to hang myself. I am not afraid of pain. Nothing ever works out to me.

Apart of depression, I have Borderline Personality Disorder and eating disorders. I'm so weak. I'm so lonely. Nobody understands me. Hell goes on countinuously inside my head and no medicine and no therapist have been able to stop it. 

I feel the entire world is lava, burning me all the time, I have nowhere to go.
My only safe place was my boyfriend who dumped me in december due to my depression. 

I want to leave a beautiful memoir, like a book. I long for my death everyday. I just want to rest. At 26, I am so tired of this world and living. I've had enough. Facing everything alone is even harder. 

I will ask them to bring white lillies to my grave.",2.5220525783619827,5.100412000000002,3.8072800808897895,84.41579373104149,80.16279069767441,7.274014155712839,25.16177957532861,8.321376580360154,1.9090728008088984,880,34,167,19,23,287,130,215,0.27,0.625,0.106,-0.9916,1,4,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,1,7,8,17,2,1,6,0,13,10,2,0,2,18,30,7,3,4,3,1,1,1,1,1,7,0,1,1,4,5,1,2,2,1,0,5,3,12,0,0,6,2,29,5,27,23,4,31,1,7,1,0,7,13,1,0,14,98,33,4,0.10939981499782164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697633518844748,0.0,0.0,0.2266104301596255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022740591334868,0.0,0.10278472741214582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154040250574264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055383025271103,0.0,0.2826777010575136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250763331885974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194332243652674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303925330666385,0.0,0.07225754603183288,0.09895839592313943,0.0,0.0,0.19664299915849845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055315833559546335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452202568934238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062174435982988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227577203515599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583860799641005,0.0,0.0,0.07727232466986036,0.05344722360983284,0.0,0.1932040818812004,0.1936307873233214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182848285570647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024928240670803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634794436402478,0.0,0.0,0.10497207301973664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320348905031079,0.11640911641814684,0.0,0.12147554795984385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552369870852144,0.11429952210903906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146314393762364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966564129913415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702161720247526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137573568571167,0.5029559759083271,0.0,0.0,0.12154721980380688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138890656044285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935805360115535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796443682639223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fernandogod12,2018/03/06,"Hi, i'm here again. Hello all of you, i catch myself returning here everytime i hit te lowest point of this fellings, everytime i tell my history, everytime someone talks to me, things star to be stable, no good, no bad, but them everytime, i let the woman who is killing me came closer again, i belive in her, she makes me feel good, alive, and them like in minutes, she destroys evething,  but this time... this last time.

.
I have a problem, i know that, i know that i'm sick, but the others, my family , my friends, this woman who says that she loves me, none of them belive or care if i die.
 I know that doesnt exist an manual to seek for guidance in this cases, but come on, you would see, you son, your brother your lover to kill himself, and do nothing? jus stand there and see him die? and after that, say that you sorry, that you tried to save him, but he didint want help?
of course he dont want help, he want to die, not to live by these reasons NONE , NONE in the entire world gives a fuck for them, about them, they know it, that they will be sad in the funeral, but after that no one will remember, no one will miss us suicidals, we dont worth the time of those people or the attention.

We need help, even by force, because, for us, we dont want help at all, we wont get up from bed and go willing to checj yourselfs at a medical facility, WE WANT TO DIE.

and all those people who says that they care, and just stand there waiting to see if you will do it or is just for attention, dont care for us.

Aim here just talking this because, this is the last time i will ever come here, today or on the next days i will take my life.

Sorry for taking your time, english is not my native language so there wil be a lot o errors, sorry for that too.

And Goodbye to All of you,",4.363427148194268,4.25990229041096,5.072783312577833,88.24344645080946,69.93150684931507,8.280199252801992,26.179950186799502,7.84624498591911,1.1875205479452051,1356,35,307,15,22,439,170,365,0.19,0.6579999999999999,0.152,-0.9625,1,0,0,0,0,2,67.0,8,10,8,0,17,18,4,0,13,0,25,6,0,2,5,59,58,21,8,10,17,2,1,1,2,9,3,3,1,2,28,16,0,1,9,0,1,6,15,8,0,2,1,7,55,10,40,43,8,37,0,2,3,3,59,13,1,7,17,213,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560002476386756,0.0957872257154079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985952780700279,0.2403123708169128,0.0,0.0,0.1353567416487466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066910834505337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261598789148741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683189778838701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051892652964704765,0.07106819951124584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406581895329971,0.0,0.03972575200788472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060700541159239375,0.07263377214870517,0.04104792810904137,0.07536846638978564,0.04465134241232145,0.13179626578847395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106467712116088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738451226509216,0.0,0.1727131093614963,0.12808491199137328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033991096890486,0.055494078446872826,0.03838378659427714,0.0,0.06937595395232951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679471280499735,0.07090963526083785,0.0,0.05244397186657535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914781974084299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058256311994359086,0.0,0.0,0.0835567194238684,0.0,0.0,0.07538699631176314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647784027104502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893670060444796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427105330260997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517784958447309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077979077852318,0.0,0.0,0.08900090738596655,0.0,0.0,0.18743849983789887,0.0,0.0,0.18782278416985698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656942360356875,0.0,0.0,0.2638474153580325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593936463049982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181449630127336,0.1262980904378543,0.06867087600737856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219631351946175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290647640092987,0.0,0.07447217218118858,0.0,0.0,0.053341723115222464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28351868335578595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23170377184650956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055811624776906266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rockcandymountaingrl,2018/03/06,"Yes, I (26F) want to die. No, nobody gives a shit about me. I am so sick of people telling me not to kill myself because there’s people out there who love and care about me. Where were they when the tears were streaming down my face? WHERE WERE THEY?!!!",0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,0.9132352941176478,103.65455882352943,86.64705882352942,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.5761529411764703,192,3,45,0,6,57,40,51,0.247,0.535,0.219,-0.4477,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,2,0,2,1,4,4,2,0,0,4,8,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,7,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741298628112888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301816946114534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33610011784337285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106617591293941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582866562488521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922828748488517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490268764194524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324223736050819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28305491889775203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101224903922887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrownaway139JD,2018/03/06,"Feel defeated I’ve had issues my whole my life, but for the last couple of years it’s been almost entirely bad days and few good ones. I can’t continue on like this and I don’t know what else to do. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be happy, let alone live a happy life. I used to believe in myself that I could get through everything and it would be okay, now I don’t even have that.",2.6598062015503885,3.2614085465116283,4.132558139534884,90.96341085271321,74.0,8.058914728682172,22.472868217054266,8.344100000000001,0.8885100775193799,309,7,74,5,6,103,60,86,0.097,0.6659999999999999,0.237,0.938,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,1,13,2,0,1,0,12,18,4,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,2,9,6,8,11,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890752604104372,0.19538636939801854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751637220615197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125459754008291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062311079556126,0.20873962742142232,0.0,0.12166480360582599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759437082645567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492054680947411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695480726374882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077603589228706,0.13477288292744316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985627786817002,0.0,0.0,0.15823217850942664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016466960846468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690346491996136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367809508073486,0.15377639523650002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290924606719684,0.2665006895146685,0.1843314796794357,0.0,0.166582994812085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783534137535216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370571284014026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293458337390712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106229964822285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340128253523385,0.0,0.0,0.12148557338853795
suicidewatch,Chrizzly841,2018/03/06,"Does anyone want to spend my last month with me? Ive been skipping school lately, shit's taking its last steps down to hell, my lethal insomnia is becoming more and more extreme (Im currently getting about 5 hours of sleep every three days), and about a month ago I decided to kill myself by the beginning of April.

No one noticed how Im doing. They just see that guy who seemingly is an absolute loser and dont really care about him.

Nonetheless Im going to do the stuff I spontaneously want to do in this last month, even if that means snorting speed, drinking until I'm just lying on the ground, having the time of my life with prostitutes, visiting places of my childhood, or having a game session of >40 hours.

Does anyone want to do stuff? I mean, since we most likely can only do stuff together online we cant do many things, but atleast its something.




And nope, there aint a way of trying to get me off the idea, so please dont give me the generic ""Seek help"" stuff. Even if therapists would suddenly stop to diagnose me falsely it wouldnt prevent my insomnia which is about to kill me anyways.

",8.449861111111113,6.6482553750000015,8.184925925925928,74.85266666666669,62.37962962962963,11.788148148148153,35.48888888888889,10.577609850970193,3.5023533333333337,875,30,169,17,10,281,137,216,0.111,0.8390000000000001,0.05,-0.9247,1,0,3,0,0,2,27.0,2,0,1,1,12,7,4,0,10,0,20,7,2,1,0,28,35,11,3,7,6,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,13,8,1,2,5,2,1,3,7,5,0,2,1,2,19,2,27,32,3,30,1,1,1,0,10,6,2,5,21,111,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769270888525006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834394722542642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925696501474906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008625457630711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379965261697561,0.0,0.0,0.10040869928454647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731431560661913,0.0,0.2318831296695249,0.09691067907544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068054049720207,0.0,0.08335016181876186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337042192135183,0.09489967617344028,0.056222424823188136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795316297812516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663086013704255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484609604353573,0.0,0.0,0.11167640440710902,0.3205740141574685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889586765082894,0.0,0.0,0.2419158287198265,0.11159382790117292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987497990095035,0.048330675846165363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029632761292212,0.0,0.2155207441925831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368874718071692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262890685684558,0.0,0.0,0.06703541312032668,0.0752383489162332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335753252124548,0.10859200541053578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337509153553161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011928249745476,0.07883191405952522,0.09005931475401263,0.0,0.0,0.10154701916430296,0.08183333617856094,0.0,0.09899832231000327,0.0,0.0,0.07615874420041888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270730007960984,0.0,0.0,0.4529904313434113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438070103116096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486173072868686,0.06572262230767106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768505840308313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716485677163747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504890814160282,0.07852355148728875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027481613662996,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway2424,2018/03/06,I lost my job and that's the only anchor I had in life I'm ending it. I'm scared and I want the anxiety to end. I don't want to die but it can't be worse than these last 4 months.,-1.4656666666666671,-0.529904733333332,1.9086111111111101,101.41625000000002,85.22222222222223,5.3888888888888875,13.472222222222221,5.985473137389443,-1.2551111111111113,137,1,41,1,4,50,33,45,0.122,0.6890000000000001,0.19,0.4125,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,9,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392401746871664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29022241863997045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953565003662354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774997880661692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279441179160241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751817078949999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30526035441103194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232061708908625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267900287373714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27996866292901623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32987811644778603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28497729393187704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbbottAiken00,2018/03/06,weed is the only thing that brings me joy anymore. I go to a specialized learning school for my dyslexia and my self-confidents has completely disappeared and i feel like ending it.,7.800909090909091,8.598091060606063,7.293484848484847,72.16022727272728,62.63636363636364,11.44848484848485,37.71212121212121,11.20814326018867,4.602284848484848,147,7,24,4,2,46,30,33,0.064,0.754,0.183,0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,16,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663701014354695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873348395649064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272006924529272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679226215094474,0.2639171273360056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099526084646184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048228077447304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809641821961976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738775868179401,0.0,0.0,0.3853906004948474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454293999596297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamz666,2018/03/06,its almost time i would really love to end this. I've attempted 3 times: once with a gun once with a rope and once with painkillers. I've been fighting this so hard for 10 years now but i feel like it's time. I have burned everything i care about through alcoholism and i have nothing. I don't even have a way up. I just don't have the guts to use the gun i still have access to. Someone please talk me out of it. Im worthless and near homeless and i'd love someone to tell me why i shouldnt do it. ,0.8290825688073404,2.468822045871562,2.1931100917431188,98.75315137614679,80.83486238532109,5.827889908256882,20.99174311926605,6.742157984588678,0.05647082568807349,389,11,97,4,10,125,68,109,0.108,0.7140000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.8943,0,0,1,2,2,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,5,0,11,4,1,1,0,15,16,6,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,11,4,14,13,0,11,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,8,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799305902392539,0.16859286021282713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165896475106154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912109199561555,0.0,0.0,0.11120325253118936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151315276360751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513021748047644,0.12027972780147154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508216414169836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186269567836333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225445549391881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039113102260851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615504066467135,0.0,0.0,0.5379085194982214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481380861436889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785869543237547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28530961517340075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445621378540273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353251148550872,0.1471581106362107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29452431521027284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541298599519034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364000933059775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192289427535247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960140500936912,0.0,0.0,0.10842130391204696
suicidewatch,Hann_nah,2018/03/06,"Scared to die i’m 18 . i fucked up . this mistake is too bad and I cant fix it, I want to die.

I just don’t know how. I don’t want to mess it up, if I’m doing it, I’m doing it properly... 

please help me, I’m thinking I can jump in front of a train",-3.8808064516129046,-2.547982387096773,0.37443548387096826,106.18165322580644,98.67741935483872,3.745161290322581,12.588709677419354,5.148860815047168,-1.6458129032258069,180,3,57,1,8,68,39,62,0.382,0.545,0.07400000000000001,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,9,16,3,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,16,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25620121303290644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.636909489908324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836715473605087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567049517184327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168632970354734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368216349447797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30720352192647105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661270045257315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619680792808024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Randomina12,2018/03/06,"Just some wondering about life and if I should exist. I have thought through my life and my screw ups to try and figure out where I could hav emade it go right. And I just have not figured it out. 

I am at a loss to fix myself and do much of anything. I am afraid of everything. I wish I was capable of doing things well, but I am just afraid. 

I wish I had not made a fool of myself in the past. I wish I had a clear future ahead of me, but my life is going nowhere fast. 

A person as worthless as me should not exist. A screw up like me should not exist. 

I wish I could just get in a car and drive away. To florida, or somewhere. I don't know. 

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suicidewatch,afracturedconcious,2018/03/06,"Suicide Has Become The Only Option I've been going through a particularly rough patch, I'd like to state for the record that I am 16. The one thing that I've come to really connect to and enjoy is being restricted by my mother, this has caused me to break down multiple times because of the fact that my life has become a cycle that I can't escape, day in and day out I get so fed up with waking up in the morning and having my life wasted. I at times feel hopeless and powerless. I can't count how many times I've been so enraged and defeated that I would mentally cry out and lose all rationality. I don't feel in control of anything, not even my own life, but a hobby I developed since I was very young got me through life up until the point where that hobby has been taken away and stripped from me on many occasions. I've attempted suicide already, slitting my wrist when I was in the 7th grade. When my mother and grandmother found out, apparently it wasn't serious enough in their minds to seek help for me. My reason for posting this on a main account is, I want to know if I'm truly lost. Or if I'm only overreacting and my life has a chance to be better.",8.696512605042019,5.709574029411769,9.012168067226893,72.84018487394958,62.907563025210074,12.041008403361348,36.405042016806725,10.125756701596842,3.3757465546218484,921,30,188,15,10,309,134,238,0.123,0.7929999999999999,0.085,-0.7994,2,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,1,6,7,9,1,0,12,0,21,8,2,4,2,34,35,19,2,4,5,2,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,10,14,1,2,5,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,11,3,24,3,34,21,4,32,0,4,0,0,4,18,0,4,10,127,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451540710327598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776727388515472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303934985280775,0.0,0.0,0.07983077998055756,0.28926563955373336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582170690862365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345299378316656,0.0,0.11280871933331416,0.0,0.0,0.1468805301722287,0.0,0.0,0.14385121132328466,0.16891414945549826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531461905745407,0.0,0.08649652248496865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243259712003586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358868520596255,0.0,0.0,0.06842014878406738,0.0,0.0744264481058291,0.0,0.10473907412061878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777838548206239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197109077028913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624975338442748,0.06397946280503912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650850183449382,0.14295612452384734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26554171029669543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197486018197108,0.0,0.13223024589875254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874052856210285,0.19919891711510693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379763733299545,0.0,0.12542156180517078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389504679325112,0.1346466328125097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832980910329866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864935886073074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700267471465327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22908798504621306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108054063256459,0.07724242013606476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302880430341036,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Griff4863,2018/03/06,"[Slight NSFW/TMI included] Is life really worth living like this...? I haven't needed to seek help in quite some time, and I've been quite proud of that. But lately, my symptoms are getting quite bad, and the new medications I'm on are causing UNBEARABLE side effects.... I need to know if life is really worth this...

Backstory: I'm a 22-year-old male living with currently diagnosed Bipolar Disorder, Severe Anxiety disorders of several kinds, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There are still several other symptoms for other disorders that I am experiencing that have gone undiagnosed because my doctor doesn't seem to care enough about them, but they are very serious. Some of these include, but are not limited to, various symptoms leading to up to 3 different forms of Schizophrenia (from what I learned in school)...

My ""bipolar weather"" is generally Ultra Rapid Cycling between extreme mania and extreme depression, several times a day, sometimes as short as within up to 15 minutes it can shift. There is this idea that I believe 100% where EVERYBODY is out to get me, trying to hurt me, and trying to kill me. Every time somebody is holding a knife, my anxiety spikes through the roof and I try to avoid them at all costs, or knives in general just laying there. Either it triggers an episodic flashback, or I just get terrified in general. People walking toward me in public frighten me, cars following behind mine frighten me, etc... with all this paranoia, mania, and depression, life is a nightmare.

I'm on so many different medications, I take at least 6 pills every morning (I'm not in charge of my medications because of an attempted overdose years back), and several other pills throughout the day. I've been prescribed medications in the past, that are supposed to counter the side effects of other medications. I never understood that.

Lately, I was diagnosed definitely with Bipolar Disorder; previously it was Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. I was prescribed Latuda. Ever since I started taking Latuda, I've been experiencing almost every side effect that my doctor told me, and more unnamed side effects. I've been experiencing nausea, CONSTANT diarrhea (I've had to stop several times writing this post to go back to the bathroom...), headaches, my dry mouth has gotten EXTREMELY bad, restlessness, insomnia, constant sweating/feeling of being hot even in negative temps, and so much more that I can hardly even keep track of even if I write it down (I'm a disorganized writer...) I also just randomly started experiencing random seminal discharge whilst I was on the toilet, or even just sitting down, without orgasm. It really has me baffled.

On top of all these side effects, the medication doesn't appear to be working at all. I'm still experiencing all the mania, depression, paranoia, ultra rapid cycling, etc.

Is it really worth continuing life like this...? I know I need this treatment to live a somewhat more normal life and feel normal, don't try to tell me that I don't need medications, because alternatives don't work for me and never have. My other medications USED to work, but I'm exhausting all my options. I learned in the hospital the order of the types of antidepressants that the doctors go through, and I'm nearing the very end of the list.

I'm not necessarily suicidal, but I have attempted suicide several times in the past. I just don't know if it's worth going on like this anymore or if I should just... give up... it's hard, and it keeps getting worse....",8.097956210526316,8.996031419200001,8.345113684210531,64.52684105263161,62.008,11.570947368421054,39.96736842105263,11.313756151347434,5.101128000000001,2827,147,428,78,38,928,281,625,0.159,0.7879999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9972,3,1,0,0,0,2,126.0,0,0,3,17,23,20,1,4,24,0,41,30,2,9,9,96,81,32,3,11,25,0,4,3,0,1,28,0,0,1,35,18,0,6,14,0,5,9,15,13,0,0,13,9,46,6,73,65,20,76,0,4,0,1,11,35,0,17,32,295,81,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049437625626142206,0.0,0.0,0.03948173187843988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553690250373828,0.0,0.04896246924500888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592604343707803,0.0824449465017491,0.09028776354983398,0.0,0.0,0.055623873650891005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033672021472975,0.05071730987420097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670437737650176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368003582065977,0.0,0.12756873768984736,0.10022044485935763,0.0,0.1031637493828086,0.3960817056234611,0.1515990139510349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372778722500049,0.05101313191591318,0.1101227646919559,0.1304355299531958,0.04465862572286364,0.12479083519800255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992661985755496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317661461681554,0.047360875257224606,0.08417552164803682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845290168611543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033092140296098006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052852356698139084,0.055733512184320017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776589527080239,0.0546213659527445,0.05141198788726106,0.08139853860220443,0.0,0.11138460268387752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743599314628734,0.07236009232521125,0.0,0.13078570090551295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050054141935657735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978862988392061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03629314601638061,0.1464309973373545,0.07615545667955866,0.04768253082614071,0.0,0.0,0.09674560948374017,0.0,0.0,0.05180624581885298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425984133205924,0.03422742783154273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456696877298094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753545352190693,0.0,0.0,0.1265125414819714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996578534724087,0.0,0.044945232099850435,0.0,0.390423876475501,0.0,0.04083995418016028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882888585024092,0.0,0.06988967277764198,0.0,0.07885501143808865,0.041276116841255636,0.05655397136962901,0.0,0.0,0.10800706775431623,0.0,0.0,0.15394518661919993,0.07424124602160961,0.0,0.04315216891331845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394226436774446,0.0,0.0,0.04717582069082519,0.0,0.13407786123178142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264043420186738,0.0,0.08147199794593846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047591594118166505,0.0,0.10782737533442788,0.0,0.05031296233640355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358622572670669
suicidewatch,NordicKitten,2018/03/06,"Nights It seems like nights where I'm completely alone are the worst. Too much time to think about how no one would care if I just killed myself. I'll never do anything with my life. It hurts to breathe, I don't want to go on ",0.7381250000000001,2.7991382291666684,1.1831666666666685,103.67850000000004,83.375,4.673333333333334,15.85,5.6839178017228535,-1.0536299999999998,177,3,44,1,5,53,40,48,0.3,0.602,0.098,-0.8937,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,1,9,10,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,6,9,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859886385709114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213415387607428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644152377814332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719139028854937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738935762332275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27762969863813564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869221793698693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318008221687468,0.12670081891468682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064533391965804,0.0,0.20001961888238656,0.0,0.0,0.4867475599142103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573604320502406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360941313245524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617511795972087,0.0,0.0,0.15122371063205514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296592776988566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842282690589876,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vedgyboi,2018/03/06,"I started feeling scared as i'm getting closer to do it I know how i wanna do it, i know i wanna die, i just need to know when. I'm feeling scared about dying because it's actually becoming real. I still wanna overcome that fear and do it, existing became too painful",1.2226060606060578,3.5287392909090904,4.0759090909090885,82.16719696969697,83.36363636363636,5.848484848484849,27.34848484848485,7.1686216300943375,1.752575757575757,211,10,39,3,6,75,34,55,0.278,0.669,0.053,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,13,13,4,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,0,7,13,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2168140332639247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354378682684068,0.24537854693388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611721279636825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25001242831718257,0.2246801127028288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160790249096673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663102545128817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474244140105726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364134436147549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528876188161468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448786025944151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725898930516374,0.0,0.17743192817420053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeliZec,2018/03/06,"I'm alone and in another country, and I feel the worst I've felt in the last months Hi. I'm sorry if this is going to sound like I'm complaining for nothing when other people have it worse, and I know this is going to be long, but I really feel like I can't take it anymore. It is not the first time I feel like this, like I want to end it all, but in the last months it has gotten worse and worse. 

I come from a problematic family. My father was violent and an alcoholic, and, even if he left that behind, he still behaves like he can control everyone. 
The biggest problem is my mother. She is narcissistic, always complaining, insulting and shaming everyone. I believe her behavior has played a huge role in the way I hate myself right now but she still refuses to acknowledge it and keeps telling me I'm the worst daughter she could have and that everything I do is worthless and I should just die. Because of her I have problems having a healthy relationship or having sex at all, because she made me feel disgusting, like I should never deserve anything.
I also have two sisters. The first one is a very abusive and manipulative person and I completely cut her out of my life, but I still have recurring nightmares about her being able to return into the family. The second one I actually care about a lot, she has two children, who she's raising alone in our family, and this causes a lot of problems and fights everyday. Also, she's all about enduring and making it seem like everything is alright, so I can't talk with her because she'll just tell me to suck it up.

I used to, and still have a lot of problems with my self esteem. I used to be obese, but I managed to get to a healthy weight, but in the last years I've been having other problems, from binge eating to refusing to eat anything for days because I feel disgusting.

Coming back to the current situation, I've been in another country for a week and a half in a exchange program with my University. I've been trying to make friends with people, and I thought I did, but tonight I just feel like no one likes me and they're just avoiding me. I know it's probably all in my mind, some of them also invited me to see a football match with them but I felt like my situation could just get worse if I got outside. 
My roommate is currently outside with a guy and my friends are either not answering or they don't really understand what's going on with me.
I just feel really sad, because I spend so much time trying to always be helpful and making people feel good, but now I feel like they couldn't care less. 
I have also had a couple of problems, because I don't want to have any kind of relationship, not even sexual, with any guys right now, because I know my mind can't take it. But I already had guys trying to get something more from me, even from ones I actually started thinking as good friends, and I know for sure I never showed them any type of interest. This is really giving me a hard time, because I don't want to make people feel bad but I'm feeling like they see me as just some piece of meat and not a friend or just a person.
I also keep telling myself that I'm never good, that I'm stupid and not worth of anything, even if all my life I've been trying to be the perfect daughter and friend, even if I had mental breakdowns because I tried to do too many things at once.

And tonight I'm just so tired, I feel so lonely and excluded. I feel like I will never be able to connect with anyone, like no one will ever care about me, like I'll never amount to anything.

I'm sorry, this post is so long and my English is not the best, but I just needed to talk with someone who could understand me for once. 
I don't want to do it, I don't want to make other people sad, but it just hurts so much.",6.667346170648925,5.551245799475755,7.257824377457408,77.87337298786841,65.44823066841414,10.289599085929362,33.58769365191384,9.40045753921074,2.8354888530429823,2967,107,600,47,39,984,266,763,0.194,0.66,0.146,-0.9939,3,6,2,0,1,1,73.0,1,0,6,5,42,60,9,2,32,1,63,9,0,11,13,161,133,63,1,23,39,5,17,15,5,5,5,1,0,7,29,42,5,6,26,2,3,5,22,27,0,11,15,20,94,33,77,103,20,66,0,5,2,1,59,20,1,14,54,424,123,3,0.08517288626521477,0.05045797132542479,0.08311645065829731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551195634438559,0.0,0.0882134233722493,0.04699519897582533,0.17028181593543998,0.0708706644303189,0.0,0.0,0.08688072504460084,0.08931119760983727,0.0,0.0,0.042234308268914264,0.029777431222441957,0.0,0.14018005639207184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032746346064719864,0.03555790117880915,0.2336427041450677,0.0,0.0,0.047980338065207837,0.04469184469292305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025915103403596,0.043748008072844576,0.0,0.07336889979472584,0.0446510753835519,0.0,0.04776431717197944,0.10200542865291196,0.0471210893191361,0.0,0.02746473273199356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044198004439380094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871531260836813,0.0,0.0,0.037718948289488505,0.0,0.0,0.14063972023388174,0.03852187593332528,0.0,0.08138634283026644,0.07654789819576482,0.0,0.12044012546712934,0.0,0.2799288079547751,0.1825425808986504,0.08177932770680453,0.0,0.0,0.07244801354660257,0.0,0.0,0.16451090162006365,0.0,0.06674897653850079,0.04085279677154189,0.07260857111168369,0.10715846399856588,0.034060268918763716,0.0,0.0,0.12650182239699842,0.0,0.0,0.038149088216911965,0.042045295894895786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028544795148092605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558966816722311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570557477025462,0.0,0.04434722714417864,0.09361758165590778,0.1041409052697712,0.0,0.0,0.04627029506982882,0.0,0.0601601284306177,0.31208377485389976,0.0,0.0,0.07537532411029046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861641313717428,0.0,0.04029632218919039,0.1421339074008294,0.04317596912990768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291711823934559,0.0,0.0860003350672957,0.0,0.06798418522016063,0.0,0.06261187152283125,0.031577307971966805,0.16422645157404392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086284074845956,0.0,0.0,0.09070634413015732,0.1442883800623289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762038767445834,0.07436967901541283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078604054085775,0.0,0.04591538852845077,0.2444968479187938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912786383578996,0.0,0.0,0.09144380478597704,0.0,0.07273717949374936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787176298261739,0.03876909839297954,0.04442694794544598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573789276614447,0.0,0.0,0.03608335506802678,0.032785124508847595,0.0,0.09534407296700344,0.030142903640479387,0.0,0.13603835398740588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013721866262989,0.0,0.06403941057495978,0.06845873968838967,0.11166728511408552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02829254050900053,0.02728767319416813,0.0,0.03380887889543125,0.07449749238518133,0.0489468516620698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456699719747604,0.0,0.08320153377669573,0.08866797838525342,0.0,0.07356202702075122,0.0,0.035138275597526906,0.12559293768153434,0.03380313632290049,0.034160275906327045,0.05185881488093837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359689525499586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027424273126015315
suicidewatch,frightened-soul,2018/03/06,Pointless Life seems like the cruelest joke of all. Being put on a rollercoaster just for everyone to crash at the end. Seems hardly worth riding for the split second we are strapped upon the seats and told to not step off bounds...,6.00062015503876,7.4320005348837235,4.81860465116279,86.0448062015504,66.90697674418604,7.593798449612403,25.96124031007752,7.793537801064563,1.3440914728682167,185,5,34,2,3,54,37,43,0.127,0.746,0.127,-0.2484,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,9,3,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,22,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042188174809555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282071491614625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076880727493632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24260807844111165,0.16780559240832005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34528941839580946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6253774191897006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282071491614625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whutttttt,2018/03/06,"I'm gonna do it properly next time  I don't see the point in trying to force myself to get out of bed every morning. To try and stop myself reliving being sexually abused at 8-11 and at other times, having your family turn your back on you and being so stupid you didn't realise you didn't even like your ex friends in the first place.",5.0909154929577465,4.561044535211269,6.2902464788732395,81.57931338028173,68.43661971830986,9.353521126760565,26.200704225352112,8.841846274778883,1.6537859154929582,266,6,57,4,4,90,53,71,0.162,0.7959999999999999,0.042,-0.835,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,6,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,12,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,9,2,10,7,0,14,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,0,7,37,11,0,0.0,0.3090373833762988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005598885002456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227379539118887,0.0,0.2197580246968032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458845137195076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185934104302024,0.0,0.0,0.2015143187016038,0.0,0.13627135951401353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742691345110302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773925086346446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725087353014801,0.0,0.24656585295117814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784537592691094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806307866590785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041806809384689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541688685685629,0.28370491355747285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,espasmo,2018/03/06,"Living is just too hard I know people will miss me, I know trere might be another way, but living is too hard. Happens seams kilometers away and I onesty don't what to try finding it tomorrow or any other day. I have seizures my doctors do not understand. Everyone who cares about me can't halp me with my suicidal thoughts. ",1.7960714285714303,4.521470888888891,3.027281746031747,87.38473214285717,86.14285714285714,6.9595238095238106,25.33531746031746,8.07648339933343,2.005826984126985,258,11,49,6,8,83,50,63,0.156,0.784,0.06,-0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,12,16,3,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,9,1,4,12,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974749808337134,0.2309049858763897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068906018448402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245144934022747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201452658342306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253899715907008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104160826937984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012641157395985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472726547640806,0.0,0.3945222955985957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24203870229658805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888915190580923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336035594973157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526629781853178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086940902468235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481881136450586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495052864116939,0.0,0.0,0.2292420082213729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478911769418015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SomethingLessEdgy,2018/03/06,"What's the fastest way to get a mental health evaluation? I joined an incredibly awesome Federal program that is just an extreme boon to my young life, I met so many incredible people in such a short amount of time and I'm extremely happy for the first time in my life. 

However, I'm ADHD and have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, it makes me really uncomfortable when people avoid or ghost me out of nowhere, hurts a lot. I ended up having a small episode, trivial to what I used to experience in 2017, but someone got scared and told officials.

They put me on Suicide Watch. No matter what I explained to them they weren't hearing it. I've never self harmed, I've never sought it out, I've never attempted to get tools. (Of course I shame absolutely no one who's had to deal with this, I was very bad off in 2017 and was in contact with suicide email lines, they really helped)

I've been put on ""Medical Leave"" and have an INCREDIBLY tiny window of time (Currently 23 days) to get a mental health evaluation and to basically be accepted back on campus. I'm missing out on EXTREMELY important training and it's bringing me back into my depression I was almost out of. 

How do I go about this? The officials rarely communicate with me, I'm pretty much flying blind. I could really use the help.",4.982598566308244,6.424662887096777,6.2938172043010745,74.47878136200718,69.32258064516128,10.027240143369175,30.31003584229391,10.25414643259724,3.2654992831541225,1028,41,189,28,18,347,146,248,0.194,0.7120000000000001,0.095,-0.9821,2,1,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,4,2,8,11,0,3,12,0,13,6,0,4,3,32,31,12,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,11,15,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,9,0,2,9,3,22,2,35,20,3,38,0,4,2,0,15,18,0,3,15,118,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636940287974426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195633417232413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729989170228786,0.10169059819359393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724039491294464,0.0,0.0,0.07854527427530075,0.12556142062569595,0.10489861656717417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787088910290347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191352026467062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035955665443236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089268848791024,0.0,0.06921676838385785,0.0,0.09740758048587826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296490397006907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589167858532289,0.1372675790207738,0.0,0.16326820187312013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038004138824788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289593379148606,0.0,0.0,0.17204950924265536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354255696944087,0.0,0.0,0.08129659843813812,0.12347720148975057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269186123231805,0.24547384867052574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953057489472434,0.0,0.2817987374867064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252889621993295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886942176589576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390547584195928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24486767037356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406776100013474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193427791409114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270548250238251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319332244182756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664396981284822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305235442542253,0.0,0.0,0.11637674908848322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037705500266085,0.0,0.10049052802737847,0.0,0.09667221741264977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anxonymxus,2018/03/06,"so fucking stupid im just done everythings so retarded. I literally have three phases that are like stuck in a cycle and have been stuck for the past 10 years and nothings working nothings fixing it. I'll be happy (shortest period of time), Numb (longest) and then Depressed as fuck (2nd ;longest) and it just keeps repeating over and over.

if you wanna read my life story you can see that in /depression/ and i seriously don't see any point of why not to kill myself tonight. Yea a lot of people would care but I don't give a single fuck nobody understands what living like this is like. It doesn't end it never has and i'm pretty sure it never will. I don't wanna keep going ""one more day"" I've said that for 5 years. Everythings so fucking stupid.",1.7947655007949133,4.359789804054054,3.1931319554848976,87.67555643879173,83.3918918918919,5.914785373608903,20.86804451510333,7.285733465282438,0.8159613672496024,593,18,114,9,17,193,99,148,0.16,0.7020000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.4008,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,0,1,5,17,7,0,4,1,15,6,0,0,3,22,31,14,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,10,7,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,11,0,2,5,3,8,6,13,23,3,18,0,2,2,4,4,5,4,2,15,73,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103084702370158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648137541588634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863300075795693,0.0,0.23059053385158745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698744741255944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856212559941283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24061332385522904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950135737482413,0.0,0.12841276444774696,0.07607694026591214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249873952714834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445940844337424,0.0,0.0,0.2379656451605794,0.14809862701669582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455078980894388,0.19619484312121416,0.0,0.11820272402976205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380480634199926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648547280618484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568886714435677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070845193344408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778656154595994,0.09280315458514862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654299244606454,0.0,0.0,0.1361859229250941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338983671956784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273335513532723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334159228509555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616348482908224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805609160701002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935521093105474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207897624102045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745323381121783,0.0,0.0,0.0950918251256099,0.0,0.0,0.17240566146672492
suicidewatch,suicidesoon1,2018/03/06,"Killing myself this Sunday 
2 days left until I pick up my gun. I purchased a shotgun and am going through the waiting period before I pick it up. I've decided to shoot myself this Sunday as that will be the least suspicious given my circumstances. I wanted to detail my plan.

I'm going to wake up and not shower or eat because it won't matter. I'll have withdrawn all the savings the previous day, so I will split that and leave half for my dad on his desk (I'm living with my dad at 29 years old, really pathetic and just another reason that has led me to this) - he will be out running errands. I'll leave my wallet and keys in my room, pat the dog, and leave the house to get my shotgun out the trunk of my car. Obviously I'll have a bag or case for it, but I'll also try to cover it, maybe with a sweater. I'll call a taxi and take it first to my mom's place a couple cities over, where I'll leave her half of the money in an envelope in her mailbox. Hopefully she won't be outside or see me. Then I'll take the taxi to a hiking trail by my childhood house. I'll have the driver drop me off in a neighborhood nearby, not right at the trail, so it won't look too suspicious - I don't want anyone calling the cops or tracking me. I'll walk to the trail then hike up to a remote spot, then go off the trail into the forest. Once I'm convinced no one can see me from the trail, and that it will be very unlikely for anybody to tread off in this direction and find my body, I'll make a small fire and drop my phone in and burn it. I may also just shoot the phone, I haven't decided yet. Then I'll smoke a cigarette. Then I'll put the barrel in my mouth and blow my head off. I can imagine my blood and brains splattering everywhere, my head and neck jerking backwards from the blast and snapping, my body slumping over against the rocks and crunching fallen leaves. That will be it. Hopefully there will be no discernible trace of who I am or features to recognize me, and hopefully no one heres the blast and comes looking",6.833428571428572,4.965715961904763,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714286,65.57142857142857,10.495238095238095,32.666666666666664,9.120678840339163,2.492438095238095,1584,49,343,22,20,520,202,420,0.094,0.861,0.045,-0.9061,1,0,2,5,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,2,0,32,0,26,10,9,5,2,55,48,35,1,5,10,3,1,0,0,10,0,0,3,0,19,24,1,1,6,1,2,10,10,2,0,5,1,5,40,5,50,31,2,58,0,0,4,0,13,30,0,9,16,219,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289185514473614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067940415712108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121284481584572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084161466470514,0.0,0.0866631448025525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22625511000300275,0.0,0.11369342507505566,0.20799158640650767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773100735857693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269027190996428,0.0,0.131364034415306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421352326616276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308507679688617,0.08662985580203794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053210147335457696,0.0,0.17364368565746952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090460337702864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034671243881647,0.0,0.23503240649341295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267711935707593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5391991771728382,0.11065559408992216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899315727102016,0.0,0.17104938696758634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798276060277972,0.0,0.10231764197761974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928039153287562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686987485122768,0.10846229078828967,0.13802649316996068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640702497798046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238300577258047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524492974536666,0.1047142880789129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869756265565124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623155902385668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315050426296825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914650938162692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403332539098368,0.1201424033425786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558525789956103
suicidewatch,throwawayinja111,2018/03/06,"The person I love, and the person I thought loved me, doesn't, and I cannot physically handle it. My best friend of 3 years is abandoning me for a person she met a few weeks ago.

The worst part is, she won't even tell me that it's happening. She posts on twitter how she's falling in love, and how excited she is to see this person. Meanwhile I tell her I'm depressed and going to counseling, and she could care less.

I can't handle it. Suicide runs in my family. I invested so much into this relationship. She rarely told me she loved me, but she did. She would tell me that we would live together one day. She would say things like ""Lets be real we're totally getting married.""

This same person threatened suicide so many times. She sent me pictures of herself laying down in the middle of the road. She self harmed. I put all of that onto my shoulders. I risked losing my job by knowing this stuff and not telling anybody. I physically restrained her while she tried to self harm. I put so much into this friendship. Now I'm nothing. It all means nothing. She's happy now. She's got a nice job. She's meeting new people. Now I'm the miserable one, and I'm not worth the time. I bought her a really thoughtful birthday present, and she didn't even remember to look at it. I can't take it. I want to die. I'm losing all my coworkers, and they're being replaced with incompetent ones. I might not even get rehired. I'm failing out of my classes. I've always had these feelings. Counseling doesn't help. It feels so real. So close. I've always had thoughts, but they've never been this intense. ",1.4566684082201318,3.900361109717872,2.92100574712644,89.90304118773949,83.67084639498431,5.6761058864507135,23.28117380703588,7.054809383877858,0.9248536398467428,1250,46,252,17,36,407,164,319,0.18600000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.109,-0.9845,2,0,0,0,0,3,48.0,1,0,0,4,13,21,0,2,11,0,22,5,1,2,5,46,53,19,3,5,5,0,2,1,1,5,0,1,0,7,19,15,0,2,8,0,3,6,11,10,0,3,13,5,50,11,23,31,12,33,0,6,2,4,46,13,0,1,14,169,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706169472842524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467200857857626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912318092511196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863494821783256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694096792034691,0.0,0.0,0.05606520104405063,0.0,0.07487607728592251,0.0,0.09022370721099753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225714737445266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195358406212014,0.0,0.08791282679698431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671649483231466,0.0,0.09083879377560884,0.0,0.049406562913751034,0.0,0.06952901538052966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687539824512149,0.09254279831667817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826998916595275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253704759903565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777662127658463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889584615657667,0.0,0.04247153310030913,0.0,0.07676426392729048,0.0,0.07300261682342155,0.19451368962261167,0.0,0.0,0.3138451089200819,0.0,0.0,0.08813737286873974,0.0,0.0946965489362674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222317493083572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781290096380996,0.0,0.06704881576017788,0.08396134338195234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683092489188156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672606790943998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414098807190276,0.0,0.0602690497222869,0.3795368269434804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325868614953777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478524704826226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978997176442648,0.05569210963351365,0.0,0.0,0.09333452012053467,0.09847921008825658,0.0,0.0,0.06913336034547228,0.0,0.0,0.06927509679353047,0.0,0.1813821232225916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951856539396743,0.1901832462807619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536350569407143,0.0,0.3039363900391681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775504852578709,0.0,0.0,0.20704751917773995,0.10138376194688348,0.0,0.0,0.08306910752682409,0.0,0.059022440460667625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127589166469952,0.0,0.06973316489540975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852661354766774,0.0,0.0,0.05598260872591417
suicidewatch,InitialWillingness,2018/03/06,"Sometimes I just want to give up About a month ago I wrote a suicide note. I decided to show it to my counselor. I was forced to go to the hospital for four days. Because of that I dropped two of my courses because I felt like I would fall behind. I don't want to ask for help again because I don't want to go back to the hospital. A man came into my room multiple times. Some woman accused me of betraying her, one or two fights almost broke out. I want to kill myself but at the same time I want to ask for help, but if I ask for help I'll probably go back to the hospital and probably will have to withdraw for missing even more days.",3.3748888888888864,3.8297187851851855,4.7696296296296286,87.58333333333336,72.25925925925927,8.37037037037037,29.074074074074076,8.515128840125781,1.8921851851851847,496,19,112,8,9,166,78,135,0.133,0.743,0.124,-0.4773,0,0,0,0,1,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,21,22,5,2,7,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,5,2,4,0,4,4,1,18,1,26,16,3,20,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,4,10,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373065624667574,0.0,0.1397707982652829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914698290775932,0.0,0.0,0.2146592512467523,0.0,0.25526292221999985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964415217171068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003715444434407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219232271378014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402021418138044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389937840672395,0.23798230004236545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806757893554576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442634683325485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819251355453608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141269217592817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458409670065678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009851206831213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804976002091054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267960270254682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278229336445568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27270185974014355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116441863668556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915475560890363,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackBeltTuna,2018/03/06,Is there someone i can talk to? I just need someone to talk to. A friend. ,-2.572708333333331,-1.1364311874999975,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,110.875,2.1333333333333333,17.833333333333332,3.1291,-1.2232666666666665,55,2,14,0,3,18,11,16,0.0,0.789,0.211,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006764238615009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28856908395383485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594951493145225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6256098783990861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForthePrincess,2018/03/06,"Trying to save my friend has me feeling like the bad guy. I've spent the last few days staying with my friend (we'll call her Princess) to make sure she engages with the mental health crisis team. They're visiting daily since she disclosed her plan last Friday.

I'm not really making an effort to change her mind, just being there for her, offering positive things as and when appropriate, giving her space to talk through her options, making sure she eats, etc.

She's just so pleased and happy about her plan. And I can't say I don't get it. She's been through so much trauma and fought to even be able to do basic things for so long.  Wanting her to keep going and keep trying when she's suffering so much just feels... I don't know. I'm still going to support her in trying to survive, and looking for alternatives to suicide, and I firmly believe that there is hope that she will be grateful for still being alive given enough time and support.  I just don't always feel confident that I'm doing the right thing. I just want her to be ok. ",6.01619741100324,6.023612092233013,5.940922330097092,83.04481391585766,66.4271844660194,8.420064724919095,28.81715210355987,7.793537801064563,1.6703637540453076,825,24,163,8,12,259,119,206,0.099,0.684,0.218,0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,5,17,16,1,0,5,1,16,2,0,3,2,33,41,15,1,3,6,0,3,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,7,10,1,2,4,1,1,3,5,4,0,0,4,5,27,12,22,30,5,16,0,1,1,0,29,3,0,2,10,106,34,1,0.1233283274086268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261904803029928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297400195852607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894879231066368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593201121784334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304650176456881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953656848059829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261956678897158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743112995308567,0.137543685431674,0.08145719711624055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707552381826265,0.088105781742888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056631965352305,0.0,0.06443396088200899,0.1183077694493134,0.1401806611374861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211443378655465,0.0,0.13128529780741294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109224494278388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249285647547165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923976799028336,0.0,0.0,0.0677780234293821,0.20105809450123915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602519912174148,0.0,0.0,0.1091416888404988,0.10356473399028483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469678486162462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428594689571812,0.0,0.12452645372853513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132102196913005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537746869302647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900728454027348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532171775243476,0.0,0.09807563599194516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020184668721865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145158766149218,0.1969803231564488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490117318751202,0.2799030488730169,0.2324709781036552,0.0,0.0,0.09912663797704148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458015820845253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191373949210741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511955164792945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548448566478056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crybabbo,2018/03/06,"I am nobody. I'd like to apologise for my grammar and everything in advance, I might make some mistakes in the text, but I'll try my best to tell everything about my problems.

So, I'm 16 years old and I don't enjoy my life for almost 3 years now. I noticed that I have a lack of emotion when I was about 14, and I thought it'll pass with time, even my parents said that it'll be ok after some time. So I kept believing, and I even forgot about it with time until not a while ago, when I realized that this problem hasn't gone anywhere and that it's only gotten worse than it was before.

I always see people laughing, being genuinely happy and enjoying their lives. I just feel like I don't belong here, I want to be like everyone else, I'm so tired of faking my emotions, but I can't stop, otherwise I'm afraid I'll lose my friends.

Speaking of friends, I don't have many, and I feel absolutely fine having two trusty best friends around me that can sometimes make me feel so happy and alive, and nothing else can make me feel that way. I love them so much, they are probably one of the two things keeping me here. I am so afraid to leave them, because I don't want to hurt them in any way, they don't deserve it. The second thing is my parents. I am such a disappointment to them, they did so much and I repaid them by lying to their face, even though I was trying to make things better and sort of protect them from being upset, but I only disappointed them more. I can't even stop lying now, even if it's a simple thing, I just can't say the truth, I know it's not right, but I'm too scared, because when I do, it turns out that I hurt them even more than I would've by just not telling it.

I tried talking to them about my anxiety and depression, but they simply said it's a teenage thing. I've read about Emotional Deprivation Disorder, and all the symptoms were matching my character, I couldn't believe that, but I decided to tell my parents about it hoping to get back on tracks and start living a full life, but the only thing they told was that I am not serious and should not worry about it because I'm a teen. 

If you're still reading it, I'd like to apologise for me being unable to put all the things I've got into a couple of simple sentences, I just can't connect it all together, so I'm telling everything piece by piece. Sorry for that and thank you for still being here.

I've changed my school recently and all the people I knew are now away from me, I've got nobody to talk to. When I arrived to the new class, I immediately started to try making new friends, even though it's been pretty hard for me to talk to them, I actually managed to fight my fears, but all of it was for nothing. It's not even that I was trying to make people there my friends, I was just trying to know them better to have a little chat from time to time.. but me being friendly to everyone didn't work, nobody wants to listen to me, they don't even hear me most of the time, I don't show it, because I don't need them to think that I'm some sort of weirdo (even though I am, I guess). 

We had a school project and our teacher formed groups of people, I thought it was my chance to get to know some of my classmates, show myself. I was being so active, helping my team. When we worked on the project at school, we would always group up together to suggest new ideas and stuff like that, I did so much and all I got in return is them not listening to me at all and giving me the weird looks, like I was some kind of stranger. When I was sick, I skipped one lesson where our teacher said that we have to present the work that we've done so far to the others (to the young students), and, guess what, they didn't even notify me and I was told by my teacher how bad I am for not working with my group, for not coming to that 'test' lesson. In the end all of them got good marks while I was the only one in the class hanging with that bad mark like a loser. I felt so bad for almost a month after that, I guess I really deserved all of it, if only I knew what did I do wrong..

I really don't know why I'm still here, this is all just so wrong. I'm so tired of living the life I don't even enjoy for someone else.. I can't even understand how I got to that point, there are just so many things that could change me. I miss the old me, I wonder what he would've said if he had seen all of it.

There is so much to tell, but I've typed too much already, so I'll stop here. 

Thank you all SO MUCH for reading all of *this*, not sure how many people have read it until the end, but I really-REALLY appreciate it if you did, it means a lot! And, one last thing, again, forgive me for all the mistakes made in this post, I'm still learning English and I tried my best.",5.557286110682902,4.368246475951906,6.130671342685372,85.29228264220752,67.70741482965931,9.159889008786804,29.212347772468014,7.9479579679613535,1.608462864189919,3685,100,837,37,52,1204,321,998,0.128,0.708,0.163,0.9906,3,0,0,0,1,0,115.0,6,3,23,15,79,62,1,5,35,1,78,9,1,10,16,155,153,75,0,19,33,3,6,7,6,5,7,9,0,0,63,37,0,7,24,8,0,6,29,27,0,7,46,18,137,35,108,92,37,79,0,9,3,1,73,22,0,22,55,587,200,21,0.0,0.0,0.039414094547210496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035802644773890537,0.0,0.08088802552018287,0.0,0.04457055615411416,0.0,0.06721420480197966,0.0,0.0,0.027466083902900267,0.0,0.03089767570778628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03595500716439976,0.0,0.0,0.037947042199183975,0.031056850229965845,0.10117004283955512,0.09848367958185728,0.0,0.03436828807336024,0.09100973710649857,0.12715811935650345,0.07144204199552284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545296983209208,0.0347917738357546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0322475400670738,0.04468995138464993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034787213109932075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628959465412067,0.0,0.0,0.04133223898595447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122014000499276,0.13629745416464012,0.07154579784524685,0.0,0.0,0.34679745549454644,0.0,0.0,0.07718734343821705,0.10889779603131784,0.0,0.0,0.04544914985127354,0.08168809990419255,0.028854097616246056,0.03878002644139057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722786680552975,0.0,0.04220344591042557,0.03874506145819853,0.0,0.03387659761793658,0.16151491658210676,0.0,0.13347998043324638,0.0,0.0,0.08599024317308912,0.03618084646209901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455216348961306,0.0,0.02707207167502802,0.0,0.0,0.040115651528412656,0.0,0.0,0.08647508296070419,0.04559456182206712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035899832802206606,0.0,0.042059202233096976,0.0887875308784928,0.03292264009531628,0.0,0.04276639785508708,0.0,0.0,0.08558439290260952,0.13812507661116974,0.04048065224872596,0.10699337780216983,0.0,0.033916808693402814,0.045185254215855966,0.0,0.03433750713896812,0.03645288683400817,0.03821729730012372,0.1617608804117482,0.12284512026022675,0.0,0.0439957480149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042846625468141365,0.0,0.0,0.03223832445635105,0.0,0.17814453368256147,0.029948126805129368,0.0,0.11702460589932502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750917446408602,0.04598344371758254,0.08476347479933062,0.0,0.10947523978800226,0.15358927292044322,0.0,0.0,0.1345424907180271,0.0,0.0,0.1400041476943443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818090857643823,0.0,0.0386817494094534,0.04109040075701632,0.04354645681568462,0.07729414016152437,0.0,0.040602364987162486,0.0,0.0,0.16160077196251085,0.0,0.05174879231358951,0.0,0.03987952469689777,0.0,0.0,0.03449220998921306,0.1536777529582971,0.03211916310946792,0.040436698309427865,0.12262827155779955,0.03218501346117929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034221691541632265,0.0,0.0399460139393085,0.04521247330311099,0.05717545658428374,0.0,0.12901967068227418,0.10130169734519072,0.0,0.0,0.0462360431828544,0.0,0.0,0.03806640246789777,0.041979909115276735,0.0,0.09739007924269573,0.1765099808143901,0.07437001395534586,0.0,0.0,0.24149548542881355,0.02587980893625798,0.1190467377330011,0.06412912672597103,0.14130782463129693,0.09284303282527233,0.0,0.07718734343821705,0.0,0.19195160888478927,0.043931920164829226,0.07890888248414989,0.04204664727267828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146790144722452,0.06411823413876938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036445027783892435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380043292228456,0.1176154582312498,0.04101725720169535,0.041160109632277515,0.08607412100757088,0.08831863753579937,0.0,0.052018722422160484
suicidewatch,CandyMoth,2018/03/06,"I wanna hurt myself because I can't find a partner No, it's not a recent breakup. I've been single for 3 years and I'm always pegged as the ""sister""/""buddy"". I got a minor stroke today and the nurse told me I was lucky nothing more happened, but frankly I didn't care. I'm not sure I wanna kill myself, but I don't know if I care that someone as unlovable as me would die. ",2.369291666666665,3.3681080125000022,3.9175,90.72416666666668,75.125,5.833333333333334,24.583333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.43933333333333335,291,9,64,1,6,97,55,80,0.266,0.631,0.103,-0.938,0,1,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,14,8,2,4,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,1,12,4,6,8,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912788018322275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458831983920263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879918243253137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836947707738105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872806855949872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140074959879727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162400717589774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561898933322823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647647671989218,0.0,0.13152035988987829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22962761593707706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362930645092997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276942688068966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255500024724126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268410758919371,0.2286741637591144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700013393038706,0.0,0.0,0.15410995274408434
suicidewatch,xWolfpaladin,2018/03/06,"Genuinely bored/tired/sick of having to be alive, and contemplating death Every day is a slog that I don't enjoy. When I'm not miserable, I'm bored, and even my old methods of escapism are just tiring. 

I lost my dog recently when she got hit by a car, and my other dog is having issues with his age. If he dies I genuinely don't think I'm going to be able to handle that.

At one point I thought I had a relationship forming. I was hesitant to pursue it, because I've had relationships in the past, and all of them were cut off due to some issue. My friends convinced me to go after it, and I thought it was gonna work out. This was really significant for me, because I distinctly thought ""Why would I want to die? Life is great."" That didn't work out, and now I'm back exactly where I'd started, except now it's worse. I can't sleep at night, or don't want to, whatever, because of the thoughts in my head. I look miserable all the time and have to distract myself. I started crying during my break at work and had to leave for my 30 mins so people didn't see me.

I don't find joy in things. Video games are boring, I don't enjoy writing anymore, or reading, watching videos is something I do just because I don't have to think. I probably get more enjoyment out of alcohol than anything else. I don't enjoy conversing with people. I feel fake. I feel like I'm never actually there. I'm just fulfilling a role. I never spend any real time with friends, and I really don't have any desire to.

I'm sick of being alive without being happy. I genuinely don't see the point. At a certain point it's either fear of pain or fear of hurting loved ones, especially with my cousin's recent suicide attempt, and at some level I really don't care what happens after I die, as long as I'm not miserable anymore. I don't care anymore. I'm just tired and bored, and I think about suicide all the time. Every day I walk into work I pray that I get hit by a car.

I try talking with friends online, usually about specific problems, but I feel either more like an annoyance or that they don't get them. Like I try to talk about the relationship and it's either ""Sorry to hear that"" or trying to console me with ""It's okay"" when I genuinely just want to stop being alive and can't really project the complete despair I feel every day when I'm forced to get out of my bed. 

Life if supposed to be something you enjoy and I'm bored of everything and want to stop. I feel like I'm being forced to be alive.",3.399797825168921,4.420564236328129,4.99464738175676,83.90014146959462,72.65234375,8.035135135135134,27.31440033783784,8.441846121484758,1.8157372677364867,1947,69,404,32,37,659,213,512,0.16699999999999998,0.725,0.107,-0.9805,0,0,4,0,0,3,62.0,0,1,3,6,19,39,2,6,14,1,44,10,2,0,8,81,93,31,6,9,20,1,5,4,3,2,7,1,1,0,17,27,1,2,13,4,1,5,21,18,0,2,15,10,56,21,64,66,11,56,1,6,4,1,22,19,0,9,35,252,73,6,0.06990271980474508,0.0,0.06821497094087264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470474869669144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507249306725553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797414387551733,0.0,0.0,0.057523982301573885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053750876692462105,0.0,0.17044819671753875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254096322599202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329167176037599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678485532666411,0.13524441409900945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764396082348086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839475267577275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046170087162782286,0.0,0.1766881689452442,0.0,0.06282405720711202,0.0,0.0,0.1573199877865221,0.17672457737501088,0.09987703399146744,0.0,0.0,0.06388981950699145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202000375985676,0.0,0.14608514387846688,0.0,0.07945465314769337,0.0,0.05590759076283616,0.0770679953630109,0.0,0.0,0.06181474426605873,0.0744127450679442,0.0,0.0,0.07174035745482038,0.0,0.0787854455948763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483230731341864,0.0,0.0,0.1459205563587761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401688711727702,0.0,0.0,0.09874871653422987,0.13660375189534255,0.0,0.0,0.06186170731689005,0.058700679186130277,0.0,0.07630707617021934,0.0,0.06308993380817818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782657375880324,0.0,0.0,0.06559896719664833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335114553193453,0.0,0.09473578407260623,0.0,0.07438142238044641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673005571124414,0.09692348867871947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824199431384745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536695490243422,0.06688746228462182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699216364734773,0.07956459879075664,0.17912588907343546,0.0,0.1380410053604658,0.22514808212309814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114068346974788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995320271299198,0.0,0.0,0.10762905768718227,0.0,0.07825037180144931,0.09895500973024576,0.0,0.0,0.1168836075867236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292445959172907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237031662217832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644026094423388,0.1343725209082941,0.0,0.22197980526158048,0.1222825141827857,0.16068578662012345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237807463715005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698797008305959,0.0,0.16492174103143206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307633195124282,0.0,0.0,0.0673837274074009,0.0,0.20356005022091664,0.0,0.07123684343746159,0.04965688654228016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway555665557,2018/03/06,"I can’t get over her, tired of dealing with it, I wanna end it. I’m still so in love with her. If I wanted to be with her again I could message her right now but she’s not good for me. She only wants me when I’m convenient for her. As soon as I make her happy enough again she’ll leave me, I’ll be extremely depressed, then she’ll do stupid stuff and get unhappy again and want me back. I shouldn’t be with her but I can’t stop thinking about her and at this point it seems like the best idea to just end it.",0.5484210526315785,1.9254108596491228,2.105122807017544,100.27452631578949,80.75438596491226,5.612631578947369,17.540350877192985,6.2581,-0.6177796491228063,394,7,103,3,10,128,68,114,0.17600000000000002,0.679,0.14400000000000002,-0.4695,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,23,21,11,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,23,5,16,14,2,17,0,1,0,1,15,5,0,2,13,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166939922543635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699668969036567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748425845683864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335116116843974,0.16988701925798685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494014394873501,0.2038070395886349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610497326935412,0.0,0.0,0.16543993259035467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997120481856976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266584500019795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208854208385194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636405142026593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802151233006472,0.0,0.1316627162153703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001387828337298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646048851670896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684463404461378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795646405908506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575202877605667,0.16490583626579353,0.0,0.0,0.2257985867909622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638677278496324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267043648439555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34902102422300785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jordie716,2018/03/06,"Please help me... So. I’ve attempted suicide 2 times so far. I almost died the last time but I was brought back. I only have a plastic bag. Seraquel to knock me out. A hair tie to hold the Bag down.


And 4500 mg of arthrotec. Is this a fatal amount? If so, how long, any effects? I can’t find anything out about this. Please. Please if you know anything help me. ",-1.4110617760617783,0.29348522972973257,0.025482625482627697,104.29432432432434,108.86486486486488,2.6548262548262547,17.447876447876446,4.65589566412798,-0.9804177606177604,273,9,64,1,14,85,54,74,0.135,0.6990000000000001,0.166,0.1168,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,2,0,12,6,8,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,8,0,7,4,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035381883270092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822557596338053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33453569287249113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629643548100333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095454545052816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857783847806117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724853468759358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117078397254711,0.1656861933975831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988105387972106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459040892963516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6693640715691691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223363543333413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370481781196685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,himurakensh,2018/03/06,"Profile Fakes, I deserve to die for what I did I posted this topic on another psychology forum last year, but I'll post it here because I still feel pain after 1 and a half years... First of all I would like to apologize for my English, it is not my native language. I do not know if this is the right place for this, but I need help urgently. My story is that I have always had depression since I was a child, I believe that having grown up without knowing my father helped. After entering university I was always very lonely, which ended up worsening the situation.

A few years ago I started making fake profiles of people on social dating networks, people known or not. I would do it and then go out after talking to people, but I always relapsed and did it again. The point is that I did not think I could harm people with it, it was just a way to escape reality ... I ended up definitely stopping after I met my girlfriend (I love her), but it seems that it ended up worsening the situation . After that I started to see laws and to be afraid of being criminally responsible, not to mention the guilt that I could have hurt people. I never took advantage of this situation, never asked for money ... at most the conversations had sexual connotations, I made profiles of man and woman fakes.

Since then I believe that I am a bad person and that I deserve nothing good in life. I feel I had multiple personalities problem, but everywhere I read I only see punishments and not treatments. I am afraid that they will find out, even for more than a year without doing it, I am afraid of losing a girlfriend, a job (and never again accepting me in one) and taking proceedings with justice, not to mention the disappointment of the family. I've never hurt anyone before, I thought I was a good person. Now I think only my death can pay for what I did, I do not deserve to be here. I feel pain everyday at 1 (almost 2) years, I do not think anyone deserves to live like this, yesterday I cried all day of regret for having destroyed my life. I did not want to die, not really. Many thanks to all who can read.",6.8808934169279015,6.419478598522173,7.883134796238242,71.41398119122259,64.73891625615764,10.436005373936409,32.98656515897895,9.910423181423305,3.180772413793103,1645,59,297,31,22,560,191,406,0.242,0.684,0.075,-0.9976,1,2,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,1,3,8,29,2,4,17,0,38,5,0,2,7,68,63,18,3,9,21,1,3,2,2,3,4,0,0,6,27,13,0,1,13,2,2,4,17,21,0,3,16,5,51,8,49,39,6,56,0,7,2,1,23,15,0,5,36,232,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075832556871339,0.0,0.07993126318619652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925753877639485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370143727759947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162827768323323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462378485780516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664892006583849,0.04865939588448917,0.0,0.06792354397537692,0.1798665056387359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746443472355712,0.0,0.0876818821255131,0.05147926946754513,0.0,0.06875148376345237,0.0,0.165687465642958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120986126435211,0.0,0.0,0.05272237764998364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525007596869546,0.0,0.12108281115713099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295682982275546,0.06789745322024107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045365283961148056,0.13390358944422634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070074277193136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090447122993635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921206917198721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877373313622369,0.06506644693871376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276277446072536,0.07799502923222235,0.0,0.07048522353617928,0.0,0.0,0.08930158508966445,0.0,0.0,0.07204342726102825,0.07553050848049432,0.053282511728496934,0.08092805311634256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918778682506209,0.2462578561904045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659237796437282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409017062533807,0.1214180666908954,0.16987472547143095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27669629230159665,0.2090952486380545,0.08339810719825176,0.0,0.07545859186165713,0.0,0.15289685080905072,0.0,0.0,0.07637988713743546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968932053614035,0.0,0.05113669559103358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816845625273492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721728661678838,0.07266791498251353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206091857131652,0.2691733883626372,0.0,0.08136955631058951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299834403521253,0.0,0.0637467980407562,0.0667356515762356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001700627675866,0.06415875119224815,0.0,0.07349034817449725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344217930821172,0.0,0.06337059253542465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868635563652735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658623834341115,0.047081708350991895,0.0633598287882718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389316079525694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340802177713355,0.0,0.0,0.2570171645182477
suicidewatch,chedweasley,2018/03/06,"Im fucked up I don't know what to do I have my final exam tomorrow and I can't study ...May be because I hate this education system...It's killing me...Why do I have to fucking mug up these formulas when I know it's of no use...Now you may think that I am running away from my problems..May be iam...But I don't have anyone to share  how I truly feel...I tried to suicide 2 years back and as you  know I was unsuccessful...From that moment my parents always supported me..They loved me more and they are the best parents in the world and they want me to score good marks but I don't think I can coz every time I open the book to study I feel like why am I wasting my time..I feel so fucking empty and demotivated that I wanna die...If I don't score good marks they will be sad what should I do..I don't want to write the board exam..coz I don't believe in this education system..Believe me I have tried my best ...I was the second topper in 11th ... First time being studious but I wasn't happy..I really don't wanna do these ...I like dancing and programming and swimming but due to school and the stupid system I wasted my life trying to study all the equations and theories from the text book
I don't want this...I'm so tensed and depressed I don't know what I will do...Its so hard...I don't want these and my parents won't understand coz they think that to get a job u need to pass 12th...I'm tired I am acting so bold infront of them telling that I will get good marks...I cry in the washroom everyday...Why should I be judged on the basis of marks..I don't want this ....Please help me",-0.11000986193294082,1.991013896449708,2.0337869822485217,95.91762327416176,87.55029585798815,4.886785009861933,18.13412228796844,6.297961479604792,-0.2682706114398421,1219,32,285,12,39,408,146,338,0.14300000000000002,0.715,0.142,-0.7425,4,0,1,0,0,2,71.0,0,2,5,3,7,19,6,0,11,0,40,6,0,3,1,42,64,21,2,10,3,3,2,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,15,12,0,0,10,4,0,5,15,8,0,2,3,2,48,11,27,48,4,26,0,2,0,4,15,10,3,2,12,169,63,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456047132221754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105884047158433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954804057594851,0.07814365731072616,0.0,0.06194989874181196,0.0,0.0,0.22899404336655824,0.213299168668506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163072661365518,0.0,0.0,0.08752980549955539,0.0,0.10547111747682614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856237800170499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415456263297486,0.07260120390311238,0.0,0.11132565497358754,0.0,0.0864425107497408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28185312579468513,0.10619015096946263,0.0,0.0,0.25571568418955315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103639442541672,0.1003340399397604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681173614194659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977286773634512,0.0,0.10084752543954703,0.0,0.11243344469522633,0.0,0.2234026417701564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178102330196089,0.09929807132770084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172088848839287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535394416463255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385289303503405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155416834222684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510383156781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285032725752044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116168981891153,0.11532329616934067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882507627495306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535235277955326,0.0,0.0,0.1777757586739729,0.11680344412045934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206990921034907,0.0,0.0,0.10579562226084648,0.0,0.08777171381550197,0.0,0.0,0.2997064607891288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751033418459625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544342373098996
suicidewatch,moIIsxo,2018/03/06,Today I want too die. Normally I can hold myself back from ending my life my last attempt was 8 months ago and have been dealing with terrible suicidal thoughts everyday since then some days are worse some are seriously unliveable but I try so hard but lately I went back too how I was unable too leave my house and I haven’t since Christmas and 10 months ago I didn’t leave for 2 years after suffering with bad mental health problems I can’t deal with all this shit on my own I’m so lonely and I just don’t wanna be alive I’m certain my life will end on my hands pretty soon.,1.4328054298642527,3.794628957983196,2.754789915966388,91.6161150614092,82.94957983193277,6.01447963800905,20.07821590174532,7.321109707123232,0.5451869424692961,462,13,97,7,13,149,80,119,0.284,0.631,0.085,-0.977,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,1,0,0,0,13,5,2,1,2,21,18,10,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,6,2,16,1,9,10,4,20,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,2,17,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27073729565294585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23484990273375916,0.12750689216982394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848564169525093,0.3148756483845541,0.0,0.0,0.15848939333719628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705123594399981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367986162397508,0.0,0.0,0.1623241247528858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620741838289494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447944281006518,0.17226410018339386,0.3233967482912864,0.0,0.0,0.21572789041038756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389627020070054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378413479832586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962387047076858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155361483048358,0.0,0.14612332838335218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675513791081844,0.2526474140539237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704050552614888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123508229646195,0.0,0.0,0.14475170188029576,0.0,0.0,0.1036804080773991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900726118885464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156416720662315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556250500626165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834055780543527
suicidewatch,Shananang,2018/03/06,"I tried to overdose on sleeping pills awhile back. It was the worst thing i have ever done. I don't know how to start. I am 14 with ADHD, depression and anxiety. a few weeks ago i have tried overdosing on my sleeping pills (that i was suppose to stop taking long ago, i just had extras at my house). After i overdosed i fell on my bed and could barely move. I felt at peace and that was probably the worst part of this. It made me feel more relaxed about dying and that encourages me to attempt suicide. I really don't care what the hell happens to me now and it prevents my fear of death stopping myself from looking for any lethal pills or trying to hang my self. So right now i don't really care what would happen if i die.

I am a weird person. I don't feel like i belong with my friends as i am usually excluded by the conversations they are having (They speak Arabic most of the time with other people, i am foreign but other than that they are really nice people). I cant get myself to do anything. I can't pay attention in class and i am not studying for my subjects and its killing me how most people expect a lot from me and i keep feeling guilty for every fuck up i make. I can't pay attention to anything that's going on in class and i feel excluded out of everything because of the language barrier. Learning arabic is very hard for me. I have been in level one arabic for 3 and a half years and i have learnt almost nothing to say or understand. Also i can't really do anything that i wanted to do. I can't get myself to play with my family, i cant find the fun in video games and i cant find any motivation to read. All i do is listen to music and cry at what is my life.

I can't feel good for anything i do right. I can only feel worse and that is most likely the main reason why i want to kill my self. It wont get better and if it does it doesn't feel any better.

I don't really have a life to look forward to living and ending it seems pretty alright to me.",2.3543764568764587,3.675421250000003,4.246555944055944,87.0696561771562,75.68269230769229,7.061655011655012,22.942599067599073,7.686295010490155,0.9640554487179488,1544,43,329,21,33,526,196,416,0.198,0.733,0.07,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,3,4,10,23,4,1,13,1,46,8,2,6,2,67,76,26,7,7,7,0,9,2,1,2,5,3,1,3,22,21,0,5,18,5,2,5,16,9,0,2,8,14,61,14,52,65,12,37,1,1,2,1,13,17,2,10,19,239,83,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110199507041727,0.0,0.14914361062000348,0.0,0.08423911318697333,0.0,0.0,0.06727479401371005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162381223821652,0.0,0.06435545396056593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769110831594128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468699179955102,0.0,0.051281866370292715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880358923998482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154224613033928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716702899451725,0.0,0.09240744732898824,0.0,0.0,0.07245680590622743,0.0,0.17461709743591566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361842215310442,0.08608916179663917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450984894215572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609594877173212,0.07087900600538194,0.0,0.07560619516259708,0.0,0.07930563604492083,0.09466410025345093,0.2977531677107597,0.060098972112910425,0.08077326689041261,0.0,0.153777593402607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499482612809088,0.07777227849498168,0.13185564244147258,0.0,0.04781022015703968,0.07056012364685199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878305625815552,0.0,0.0753595455129703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706904448562838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747742341185945,0.18614386798087768,0.0,0.04623294248540544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884006010197265,0.08219852700450125,0.0,0.07428398459864075,0.07444804624879865,0.14128775516972325,0.0,0.0,0.07152013247538844,0.0,0.07960118230756028,0.056154142415182164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941164387461087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072028064376276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700532962923855,0.06398091219384189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910992609094491,0.0,0.1749652090295148,0.07345477274162568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558544724038819,0.09070106189383494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414784285379501,0.0,0.2694633936827852,0.08649459059253407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368471291836288,0.0,0.06689963809227148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658431095995041,0.17552160547905268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837166307585927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954416278239584,0.0,0.0,0.14066466317794304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201918063736636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325158871959694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055888963375549036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905400915553583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134621634517042,0.0,0.0,0.08757717241724758,0.0,0.0,0.0926518876691244,0.06941199915664642,0.09923830052770116,0.0,0.0674800627543506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590979754657662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573064089038769,0.05976004132788736,0.0,0.0,0.054173791705037264
suicidewatch,999666444,2018/03/06,can you overdose on trazodone i can't find anything online about it i'm just desperate to die i don't want to go on today or any other day. i doubt anyone will reply i wish i would just dissolve ,0.1521428571428558,2.3763508809523834,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,87.80952380952381,4.312380952380953,20.304761904761907,5.6839178017228535,0.04281333333333359,155,5,32,1,5,53,33,42,0.238,0.6970000000000001,0.065,-0.7369,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25077766087580344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578540134772335,0.0,0.3034680013207367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378274845510103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827271985700901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33705100124820164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958167204031672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34955281348721257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751132798300485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240696937982155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619651058195956,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicehatmrdog,2018/03/06,"Trying to find a way out Don't want to dwell over recent events too much & write out a long story, but just a couple of days ago i practically lost all my best friends (my only friends),  was alienated from my house & told i'm no longer allowed to live with them next year. It's partly my fault but i've been struggling with severe depression, anxiety & paranoia, and had bad drug addictions & episodes that have had a huge impact on my relationships and basically ruined all of them. The only thing that's kept me from killing myself is my girlfriend, she's literally the only thing i have left, but the thing is she has her own problems and at the moment i feel like such a burden on her, but the guilt of knowing how she'd react if i died is really the only thing stopping me from doing it. I'm currently staying in her house as i'm too afraid and anxious to go back to my own and face my friends (ex-friends), i can barely step outside to do anything, i have nowhere to live next year and i'm beyond stressed with uni work & at the moment i just can't see any way out of this. I don't know what i'm trying to get from this post, and reading it my problems don't even seem that bad compared to everyone else, i think i just needed to vent. I really don't know what to do, and i feel like i can't have another breakdown and cry my eyes out infront of my girlfriend or on the phone to my mum telling them i want to die because it's just not fair on them, but they're literally the only people i have left and this just isn't the life i want :( I'm terrified of the future, but i just feel like the rest of my life is going to be so lonely (i know i have my girlfriend but i can't just keep myself holed up in her room for the next couple of years and have no other person to talk to), i just don't know what to do :( ",8.873875968992252,4.778983416020672,8.863731266149873,77.46660465116283,63.67700258397933,11.870387596899226,36.39431524547804,8.841846274778883,2.842067493540051,1430,41,322,15,15,472,173,387,0.248,0.69,0.061,-0.9977,2,2,1,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,4,3,16,23,1,5,18,0,32,6,2,3,2,62,60,23,3,7,18,1,3,3,6,0,4,0,1,1,18,18,0,3,11,1,0,3,12,16,0,0,7,5,50,7,49,51,8,43,0,4,2,0,25,19,0,3,20,212,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386686871638302,0.0,0.0,0.06819527787036546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167771261106511,0.0,0.05231616925504348,0.08066955693788687,0.05885251197915785,0.08691088198754067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330820402877943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915570049605295,0.12846945111033886,0.046896827994105314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073503449958994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024684471979856,0.08450581988319261,0.049614558536909915,0.0,0.06626112901294601,0.0,0.15968584146590065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921630543221777,0.0,0.06426653316918893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081263815853685,0.0,0.0,0.07351150127438676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669688175657715,0.16487998725224273,0.0,0.0,0.07031414667200188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23774884942187505,0.0,0.04019361892291373,0.0,0.08744407447556783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753762119047026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838039728370893,0.08511348724930233,0.0,0.2113981515165209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717295490648534,0.0,0.10867821808918958,0.11275477440107393,0.0,0.13586413658521995,0.06808210126785952,0.0,0.0,0.08397999849345764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565536245170937,0.05704385366139547,0.0,0.0,0.2454530905957258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29254998369157753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330949459623131,0.0,0.05333472884652477,0.06717376114465415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367926772307183,0.0,0.0,0.14722642417495735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769524822652609,0.0,0.09856878712643727,0.0,0.07596073656620862,0.08259581568959802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061304575405200325,0.07003569706691562,0.0,0.08691088198754067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819989171696761,0.0,0.06431831542822122,0.08812496057368313,0.08042567830809147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061834756973186536,0.06724166476834373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044399151361865,0.04929470358366202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351150127438676,0.0,0.1044630991308224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612886502618435,0.12212954716795857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600716725388196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862440690251658
suicidewatch,seeking_happiness97,2018/03/06,"On the verge of committing suicide. Not sure how to start this so ......
my name is Ahmed, I'm 22, closet bisexual, atheist and living in a poor 3rd world country.
I think I've been depressed for a year and half now or so I think.
I've never been diagnosed and never got help.
I've always thought that life is unnecessarily hard, I can't express my opinion, I express my sexuality, I can't even say that I'm depressed  as it's considered being weak and soft.
six months ago, I was kinda okay or at least I was trying but I sorta reached a breaking point. I stopped attending college, I stopped seeing my friends, I stopped even going out, I don't sleep well, I don't eat well, I lost all interest in everything, I can't shake the feeling of being oppressed by the government and by society and The worst thing is I started feel like this it, this is as good as it gets. there is nothing I can do that would make any sort of impact on my reality.
Some would say therapy will help but I don't know. 
Lately I think about death. I'm afraid of dying but i just wanna stop this misery. I just want this suffering to end.
I know that many people have experienced that. If you got over it, please let me know how. I just want something, anything to hold on to life.
 Sorry for the long post and for my English.",1.5640205604844368,3.7868486692015217,3.329040980143642,88.54434586677935,81.31939163498099,6.177665117589072,24.189409942261648,7.3871296695380915,1.0953628784678218,1012,38,212,15,27,337,148,263,0.219,0.6779999999999999,0.103,-0.9858,0,0,1,0,0,2,38.0,0,1,0,1,14,16,0,2,8,1,24,6,1,3,5,51,47,20,3,6,10,0,4,1,1,3,4,2,1,0,15,8,1,5,9,0,1,3,9,8,2,2,8,8,31,8,26,33,4,31,0,4,1,0,9,11,0,8,16,139,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271766076988996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641865749541684,0.0,0.0,0.07880009722278597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535661160792773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996087818608144,0.11761236301813816,0.12026167064403595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185707440598287,0.0,0.0,0.1026323200281916,0.0,0.0,0.15307087212441278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414246342205877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718143433100255,0.08278230363942984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952601421234205,0.0,0.06054076825504338,0.0,0.06585537194666641,0.09719183831622684,0.1853542889418792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380272007088126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533935507924196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910483331951508,0.0,0.1307139111572614,0.0,0.0,0.11849172797902945,0.16369421296269104,0.0566114792147896,0.0,0.1023212070422482,0.1025471909627958,0.0,0.0,0.12649305444732875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734856528480948,0.11748073799032473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249163843091336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874243582490032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118677320400444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033428055422684,0.0,0.0,0.12719776724741627,0.10954089117742546,0.0,0.1109778017495427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429952989937048,0.0,0.0,0.09233868937500027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596033714882258,0.0,0.0,0.08920750825106802,0.0,0.12971442541874548,0.16403618198817885,0.0,0.0,0.3875122801320967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675025020166036,0.0,0.10921237355847804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251505078839446,0.0,0.07698329894154357,0.22274723992257,0.0,0.09199311847083652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867264064741099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366941037113074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837405349746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463089842587572,0.0,0.0,0.07462076499079147
suicidewatch,Wampy,2018/03/06,"No matter how much I try to sleep I end up tired, dizzy, and my vision looks weird I was already suicidal but the past weeks have been unbearable. Some days I'll sleep till 1pm and then go to sleep 4 hours later because I'm so tired. Other days I can't even sleep and my symptoms get even worse. My vision feels like im out of focus or slow. I feel dizzy drowsy. I cant do anything because im so exhausted, but i cant get rid of it. cuts have been getting deeper and I honestly don't think I have the balls to cut deep enough but I'm definitely doing some damage today.",0.8118292682926835,2.6808710975609777,2.797743902439024,93.26051829268292,81.92682926829268,5.726016260162603,19.193089430894307,6.816661863887847,0.07359674796748017,447,11,102,5,12,150,77,123,0.25,0.632,0.118,-0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,12,8,4,1,0,16,22,13,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,3,12,2,8,19,4,15,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,12,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924162853212456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874883474310552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593118499827468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861266198571465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127809369532128,0.14910327372578522,0.0,0.1906211576877564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459275717298602,0.10308988468414676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22617662992152,0.0,0.08201055541271224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210910154428755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117433780158784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049901497633443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117793263056333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060790953547048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775326465594762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776276937967671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784374319769665,0.0,0.0,0.149985767959285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246334972487308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33170947416129914,0.13678209597759056,0.0,0.0,0.0979720676470266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575092956258055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470567893687735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mildredss78,2018/03/06,"I screwed up. Hey, I'm new here, and just wanted to tell someone how I've been feeling this recent days and how I screwed up.  

So, recently I've developed fear to almost everything, I am anxious most of the time, I feel nervous, hopeless, scared, tired, depressed, and of course suicidal. Yesterday, I almost commited suicide, but then decided not to do it, I gave life another chance, but then something happened.  

My family doesn't know how I've been feeling because I'm scared to tell them and how they will react. And I really wanted to talk to someone. I searched for help groups on instagram hoping somebody would talk to me, I found someone trustworthy who looked like a nice person and when I finally told them what was happening to me, they posted it in their instastories (the account has almost 100k followers) telling everyone to pray for me.  

I was obviously nervous and told them please to delete it, but this guy started telling me I had to get help and he needed to contact my parents to tell them. I ended up blocking the guy and put my account on private but this ""instastory"" will delete itself only after 24 hours and I'm scared he will try to reach me from another account and tell my sister or anyone I know.  

I know this is a long post but I would really like some advice. Thank you.  

TL;DR: feeling suicidal, talked to somebody online privately, but they posted it in their account and told me they would tell my parents",5.928441984419844,6.990114638376388,6.305282902829031,76.67243029930299,66.82287822878229,9.417056170561708,34.243747437474376,9.586721724236666,3.3599641656416566,1141,52,200,23,18,368,140,271,0.142,0.7140000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.4255,3,0,1,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,10,0,8,15,2,6,5,0,16,4,0,5,2,50,42,27,3,7,9,3,4,2,0,6,2,0,0,3,11,12,0,1,9,0,4,2,2,10,0,0,10,5,38,5,28,26,2,27,1,2,1,2,39,7,2,7,17,130,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797793225778163,0.0,0.0,0.2397192797874089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673508584045678,0.0,0.09014931566137106,0.0,0.055796796029188515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864427622496914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146327360461792,0.0,0.06873012100283636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067756947946392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625065333102943,0.07171752711283598,0.0,0.07522669393719215,0.0897952232874389,0.16139358370458154,0.0,0.0,0.08741508899038453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749466894398493,0.0,0.0,0.04169129523244343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802563869884442,0.1411306685672706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697417790509334,0.0,0.0,0.07925767364411915,0.0785852080706477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315651038544877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056363868160043476,0.07797079427688001,0.0,0.0,0.07061894549598016,0.06701043737424528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059169395738032086,0.0,0.07706965294357407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060690169570070125,0.0,0.0,0.17721303970419428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967675921709199,0.0,0.08759452217189005,0.0,0.0,0.2292740130499908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021928775237992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224161234830806,0.0,0.15758230182404726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396759256609152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283841017778387,0.06143259609422089,0.0,0.0,0.056481616348684725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618590209996192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241644651652776,0.4882303512426167,0.07346751293328208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046531004820962604,0.09171635652712587,0.0,0.2287519599930883,0.0,0.05417777776009479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413415783483392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005917471365606,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mae8080,2018/03/06,"Don't want to die, just want relief. Trying to wait on medication to provide any comfort. Starting to make a plan, due to years of unbearable depression and grief. I want to live and feel just okay (I'll take okay!). I'm full of regret, guilt, and this miserable feeling of disconnection from everyone. Upping medication every few weeks. I work full time, try to stay engaged socially, work out, Ive tried it all - just want to feel okay. But I'm getting exhausted.   ",2.2307523510971765,5.059031448275864,3.6347753396029283,83.09003134796241,85.0919540229885,7.301567398119122,25.15047021943574,8.296473431620573,2.167055172413794,364,15,67,9,11,119,59,87,0.224,0.611,0.165,-0.6038,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,3,12,0,2,1,3,2,3,0,1,1,19,16,4,2,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,3,6,15,16,4,11,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,33,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797292693429746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208431814682844,0.0,0.1953073477411331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855481366616386,0.17981977876774094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28545747395400306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831941311626446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617167762656468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256156101645441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791551751737517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918319188264976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319901289464514,0.20058122727773764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149244506565206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097327646023098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832978047540313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439878924803677,0.0,0.15095145063666232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740032852113707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118560817189708
suicidewatch,Greg_Willis,2018/03/06,"I'm finally going to do it I've driven everyone in my life who cared away. I'm finally going to do it. Peace, sleep forever. Goodbye ",-1.135714285714286,0.7551997142857161,3.4511428571428597,80.29385714285716,105.42857142857142,7.954285714285715,23.457142857142852,8.238735603445708,2.8059628571428576,104,5,20,4,5,40,20,28,0.0,0.785,0.215,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909500875399799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157345521106627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959079684319992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6784681904599724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519911575863483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187327844628494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098988897987953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Somersetcat,2018/03/06,"I have no idea what to do I've screwed up my job, I didn't turn up for a few days and haven't been in contact, and my anxiety is destroying me.  I can't face anyone right now. I can't stay still but I have no idea where to go or what to do. The last few times I felt this way I ended up attempting suicide. I don't want this to happen again. I just have no idea what to do. I'm constantly destroying my life. I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I just don't have anyone I can talk to about it. I feel like walking into the water and letting the sea wash me away. ",-0.6474699519230782,0.992798664062505,1.9859375000000021,98.36146634615385,85.796875,5.500961538461539,18.439903846153847,6.67199483983844,-0.2195043269230772,431,11,112,5,13,149,71,128,0.223,0.7509999999999999,0.026,-0.9706,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,4,0,17,5,1,0,1,16,26,5,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,5,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,3,2,17,2,14,22,2,21,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,1,9,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326412909917126,0.0,0.0,0.24361231636495034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366860660944094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188250582838568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234594262353123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429135399575494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808181555833823,0.12445001449744975,0.1672613337983997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900306748160972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404634103820825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5899588982363067,0.0,0.0,0.17286870366133875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419979613172697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813344901644307,0.12304409445458045,0.08510634639607817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683745715488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876764091869432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567625945281416,0.13911802147145244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905488224132809,0.0,0.16418341692752508,0.0,0.0,0.1400170487031865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157864495744083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948186057066188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274891154687167,0.13827351792883533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571902991522303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NorthAdhesiveness,2018/03/06,"I don't wanna kill myself, but do. I want to be done with everything but I don't wanna put those around me through a suicide. I honestly don't have much more to say than that at the moment, and I kinda wish I could be more grandiose but that's it; I wanna kill myself but don't wanna have the consequences.",1.4498974358974372,3.2687407846153853,3.158076923076924,91.71608974358976,79.61538461538461,6.17948717948718,20.06410256410256,7.1686216300943375,0.3603333333333336,241,6,53,3,6,80,38,65,0.092,0.674,0.235,0.831,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,0,15,13,5,3,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,10,1,11,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447345130035828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194989414907708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813356518974882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24707777099519115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6083100979520122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209570763308485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27636762736528353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862511960396375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007146966169769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621532338653203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31614110801176143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,j0em4n,2018/03/06,"I became violent I was pushed hard and I became violent. I punched my ex in the face twice and in the last instance she snapped her ACL. I ran away like a coward and am trying and failing to restart my life. My family has pumped the last of their resources into me, and I spent the last five days drinking getting ready to kill myself. I have been to rehab for alcohol 4 times, and been in a psych ward over 10 times. I’ve lost count. I’m smart as fuck and nobody can reach me. I am fucking miserable. I have somehow managed not to kill anyone yet, but it feels like it’s only a matter of time. I need to kill myself before I hurt someone more than I already have.",2.0869464720194664,3.839454817518252,3.5048357664233585,90.26898114355231,77.46715328467154,6.0265206812652075,23.82542579075426,6.816661863887847,0.7478082725060826,518,17,109,5,12,170,89,137,0.231,0.6940000000000001,0.075,-0.9734,0,0,2,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,2,3,14,7,1,7,0,10,7,1,0,0,14,19,9,3,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,11,0,2,6,2,22,3,16,13,1,16,0,4,0,2,4,6,2,1,10,71,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305910324177448,0.0,0.0,0.17869912973820956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322860975707395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521431187370847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779462719884986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044345793753196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863450020615386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265776132868486,0.0,0.08187912392416757,0.11568628660534598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994123121779138,0.08460427361585099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506181510530838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733546022589949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5374707446062338,0.0,0.0,0.3959955388513303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143793709759636,0.15822637258611671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677101393696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007263671696786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231587477306993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720686983383412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832765334977922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994313100512393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fichrieybaker,2018/03/06,"I can't do this anymore and I don't know if can move on from this pain I'm currently in third year of med school and miserable because I don't enjoy my clinical years. Everything is too much; it's like I have to do part time job and drown myself in books within a short frame of time (im a slow learner) or risk failure. I enjoy studying with my books, jotting down notes, answering paper exam and involving myself in interesting research. I did well for the first 2 years but I never thought that 3rd year would would be so different from what I've expected, it's hell and I freaking hate it. I don't enjoy patient interaction and figuring out how to diagnose and also how to manage them. I don't have the passion anymore. I want to quit and if I have to repeat a year because I failed a paper, I think I rather die than doing it all over again. I just want it to stop, like I need to take a break from all of this madness and go away somewhere peacefully where I don't have to study medicine anymore.",4.035492371705967,4.794439067961168,5.213619972260748,83.89126213592233,70.94174757281553,8.409986130374481,29.277392510402212,8.634040054169528,2.091879056865464,792,30,164,13,14,263,120,206,0.245,0.682,0.073,-0.9908,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,10,16,3,2,7,0,19,4,0,2,3,34,29,17,2,9,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,11,0,1,5,2,0,2,7,8,1,2,2,0,23,8,26,24,4,28,1,2,0,1,3,11,1,3,16,115,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535876239621608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42917949040513625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553007829831093,0.0,0.0,0.17587010780410586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464133655708134,0.1497114376100624,0.15071327784702615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296449469866313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270119881692187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198208419757841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241959049981015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558175757737502,0.0,0.14314845973153958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927746350237673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094908033607345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023213347637758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331769843969098,0.10604226837883754,0.10696148462591402,0.11125650793791472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534949506605814,0.0,0.0,0.15621152242520978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343041019381534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459913455052939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060164356490775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846001242010747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243124966276813,0.0,0.11452046144666395,0.1682297172281805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016785705573997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970042301373874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494583474835767,0.0,0.0,0.464469765907415
suicidewatch,fishyboiz,2018/03/06,"My parents don't take me seriously I know I shitpost a lot on Reddit, but I think I should be serious for a time...

I attempted to hang myself with a shower cord, overdosed, etc. My parents keep cutting me off every time I talk to them about depression, and they go ""Be happy :D"" and ""You're just sad, it happens"" and call it a day. Two days ago, I tried to bring it up again but they repeatedly told me to shut up, and that I am just a spoiled brat. 


Then they bring up that people who use technology are ""more likely to be sad."" I gave up trying to convince them. Nobody treats me right. My friend freaked out on me when I told him I almost hung myself and he told me to go to a doctor immediately and if I died he'd have that hang over his head forever.",3.076363636363638,3.8104931273885363,4.782733063115232,86.1940416907933,73.14012738853503,7.747307469600464,25.10075275043428,8.00094639256281,1.1941388535031847,579,17,130,8,11,197,97,157,0.126,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.79,3,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,5,1,5,12,1,0,6,0,9,2,1,1,0,20,23,11,1,2,5,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,7,8,0,1,2,0,0,6,1,7,0,1,4,0,31,5,20,14,3,26,0,3,0,0,19,11,0,3,10,90,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551121918453874,0.0,0.16437494052751345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676179778985909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117294665396673,0.0,0.14138424196388008,0.0,0.17036429943420991,0.0,0.0,0.1680169613502773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830733441149905,0.0,0.0,0.13830549676994444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682375532240414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186583210520692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515944612126974,0.17474330738850985,0.0,0.0,0.16846774465103853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590621649771846,0.0,0.0,0.0902138790870564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019658254132411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955652044993055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645436806907195,0.0,0.0,0.1138026218485004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401852728924563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342219357150434,0.13193950015501002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518224489728402,0.0,0.0,0.1914371966305124,0.0,0.0,0.4705640262155209,0.0,0.22289744083478197,0.0,0.16035306563625168,0.0,0.0,0.1417749891348542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeviMarie,2018/03/06,"At least she told me how she felt I’m a junior in highschool. I’ve been suffering from Major Depressive Disorder for three years, and its gotten worse to the point where i can barely haul myself out of bed. My mother doesn’t understand it. She never did.

I stay home from school only when i’m physically ill or on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Today it was the former. I wanted to stay home because i couldn’t breathe well and had a killer headache among other things. When i contacted my mother to suggest i stay home she informed me that she believes i am a failure, who will never get accepted into any sort of college and who will most likely just drop out to stay home all day, among other things. 

I feel so broken right now. I’m ready to give up life because I already feel like im going to amount to nothing. Not even my mother thinks highly of me. I’m ready to leave.",3.978200782268576,5.2465474632768405,4.786666666666669,84.99504563233378,71.54237288135593,7.254063450673621,25.479791395045627,7.61054688173877,1.2838651890482398,699,21,137,8,13,226,114,177,0.17,0.769,0.061,-0.9641,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,7,0,10,3,1,1,3,24,25,8,0,2,3,3,3,2,0,2,2,0,5,0,10,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,7,3,21,4,24,15,5,29,0,2,0,0,15,14,0,3,11,92,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359166132575468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375702314823456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016155669702005,0.0,0.0,0.13876577171488996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943180448872009,0.0,0.10608259350010513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115877111109318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854503932766998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134990331038335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455274109696216,0.08798973055311124,0.11825856149801235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434908974558111,0.11815193679982287,0.0699980089742524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013151637638426,0.49418168702876203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330402876934835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041488505526988,0.0,0.0,0.08699570474884888,0.1203452569771155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998624192850594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818098536980533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093673203160642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164315690129994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518299007290324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465044787364166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251137689404604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365187807432913,0.07891972382408544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674685451858705,0.11769027819839308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822002661076468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264642819161718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074091934769556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551655588915273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931478971405923
suicidewatch,TinyElizabeth,2018/03/06,"In an abusive home, and my way out is killing me I am a 20 year old girl who lives with my parents. When I was younger they abused me emotionally, physically, and sexually, even going so far as to beat me whenever bad stuff happened to them. Living with them is overwhelming and painful, having to smile and obey when they order me around and make cruel comments like ""I wish I could still beat you"" after the garage door opened, is eating me inside.



My only way out is to get a job and get out on my own, but for some reason every step I take is fraught with hopelessness. If I spend a night on a jobsite the next night will be filled with sobbing and suicidal thoughts, because I'm afraid I'll never be good enough to get hired, and never be able to cope in a professional enviroment. 


I fantasize about death all the time, but know that therapy is not an option. ""therapy is for people with real problems"" my dad says when I bring it up. 


I just don't know what to do, and I'm starting to believe that death may be the only way to stop hurting. I have two shitty paths forward, and there's no telling when I'll be able to finally get a job and leave, if that ever happens.


Sorry for the length, please help me if you can. I don't want to die, but I want this to stop. ",7.356744186046509,5.339682155038761,7.5221317829457375,79.42645348837213,64.65891472868219,10.615503875968992,33.9031007751938,9.075114841892004,2.616505426356589,988,32,212,13,12,322,150,258,0.237,0.708,0.055,-0.9945,4,0,0,0,1,2,30.0,0,2,4,2,12,12,2,2,13,0,23,2,0,3,4,50,42,23,5,8,8,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,1,8,21,1,2,4,0,1,5,6,10,0,1,2,1,29,2,32,32,4,39,0,4,0,0,14,12,1,6,21,141,37,4,0.2146673671668947,0.2543457274251218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955497344516505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961914246122013,0.06542961727723655,0.0,0.0,0.12092830594191364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569721252006042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139541775640592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982915418934876,0.0,0.1207359473125258,0.0,0.11090438724387423,0.0,0.07089288571878813,0.09708946177058203,0.09043325768286814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757880393666112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243096785517261,0.0,0.06100020588618198,0.09002640137767011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982964383581785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194350560903746,0.0,0.1076644360878308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490292820412612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302423819499994,0.0,0.1187488180768386,0.0,0.11797557095827288,0.0,0.0,0.11365087315441295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243781616509848,0.0,0.18955521809685089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164606725166335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556470738251616,0.0,0.11415059016508787,0.2014507821198695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262864545184162,0.0,0.0,0.1632642060124637,0.11421060692015657,0.0,0.11918135353434907,0.0,0.0,0.07441166162564207,0.0,0.0,0.11782015287437475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027038394587621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216923025177208,0.0,0.11035690312354103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535605324416692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015127123356573,0.07597133368380163,0.0,0.08571681835831238,0.17947153111993236,0.0,0.0,0.12287138834423693,0.11740562887850706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070157221301573,0.0,0.09381437037553962,0.0,0.2454908428019016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521095547645778,0.06258713405212687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484941266681692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661637499473494,0.2555894461704154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342843904215565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911937315469212
suicidewatch,rose_98,2018/03/06,"think its time yeah i think i deserve to go now even if im too scared, i dont know how im going to do it yet, theres so many options for me

theres not much methods guaranteeing death for me though, all i really have is knives, pills, maybe fire, drowning even, i guess i could go for jumping from a high building or a bridge too. i dont have a gun though since i am from the uk which is annoying. im sure that would almost definitely work. i live near a train station too, that could probably work

maybe i could do all at once, jump from a building onto train tracks after taking pills lighting myself on fire and slitting my throat haha

anyway i have some citalopram and prozac left, not sure what effect they have when overdosing with them but maybe its time to find out

maybe the meds will make me more brave to be able to go through with it? i hope so

made a post yesterday about all the reasons im a shit person and how ive faked suicide several times for attention. its funny how now i am really considering it

will probably take some time to be able to go through with it but im trying my best. i wish someone could do it for me. hey if you feel like killing someone hit me up

ok dont even know why im making this post but hopefully its my last, doubt it though since im the most cowardly person ever",2.275112279025322,3.890547978021982,3.475760471412645,91.28409460105114,76.54578754578755,6.799108138238572,22.858576206402287,7.586124646067393,0.7842066889632111,1030,30,229,14,23,334,146,273,0.117,0.7390000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.7024,0,0,1,1,1,1,18.0,0,1,2,4,23,15,3,2,11,3,24,5,2,8,6,51,44,18,4,10,8,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,15,7,0,0,9,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,1,4,27,9,28,33,9,29,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,12,13,146,42,2,0.14680374325512865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735013715566167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703073573752414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442168691982346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580793406366729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544373182140274,0.06639619522358972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03711419177436801,0.05243831175711939,0.0,0.0,0.06708798088056803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857987596370128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086043699794168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755310741692274,0.0,0.14580924131915693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550063202752635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120829556384766,0.0,0.0806794980434568,0.059832322193766836,0.0,0.0,0.07975134829432642,0.0,0.0,0.035860446805479444,0.0,0.0648151974317675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945462571700876,0.09799263857254688,0.07441797695104027,0.2949681837279841,0.0,0.08153293211076784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395882137385522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817059770541862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818336612603298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059740573564913,0.0,0.1582792647885893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940462370539202,0.0754693490975924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348807855922929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292322192704824,0.07534596641245628,0.12143757344866656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438633526391725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028973395470645,0.0,0.13836079066702078,0.0,0.11037814497658624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406591100253854,0.21635089857727144,0.0,0.1712048865129921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049835052609719516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662337722130874,0.0,0.08440852987887339,0.0,0.0,0.10687487351387727,0.0,0.0,0.05214258360164055,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cdq17,2018/03/06,"I’m tired of being the side hoe Title says it all, but I’ll continue anyway. 

I’ve been doing this for a couple of years now, and I think it’s finally getting to me. I am not one to get attached to any of the guys I hook up with. I want to mention that I don’t actively search for married men. Somehow, they all end up in my messages, and I reply back anyway because some-sort of human is giving me attention in a way I have never received. 
I’ve always been the chubby and ugly girl in school, growing up. I barely had friends, and my family gave me shit about how I wasn’t as pretty as the rest of my family. (They would give me shit about how my laugh was too loud, that I don’t sit ladylike, or that I’m overweight and because I’m overweight, I’m ugly.) I’m literally a nobody in school, and I’m a senior in high school. It’s been this way since fucking pre-school. 

I was also sexually abused by my great-uncle (surprise). 

So incorporating that, and when married men started hopping into my inbox, I felt like the only way people (men) would like me is if I gave them myself sexually. During these hook ups, I feel amazing because I think, “Wow! Someone is actually into me!!” When we part ways, I am always reminded that I am only here for sex, and that I am no one’s girlfriend or best friend or even friend. 

I want to kill myself because, like I said, I’m only here to be the side hoe and cum dump for all of people I talk to. I’m still just a fat, lazy piece of shit to my family. I’m not great and successful like everyone else around me, so what’s the point in trying anymore? 

Edit/Side-note: Haven’t you all ever done something you weren’t proud of, but still do it anyway because it’s the only thing that makes you feel the slightest bit that you’re worth something? That’s how this is. I’m aware it’s unhealthy. I’m aware that I’m a homewrecker. Thank you for adding to the list of reasons of why I’m a piece of shit. ",2.5350728793309436,3.6971983925925933,4.393556352050975,86.83229390681005,74.95061728395059,6.9048187972919175,23.928713659896456,7.359569317364363,0.9308438868976504,1499,44,322,17,31,511,185,405,0.14800000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.163,0.5602,1,0,2,0,1,1,57.0,1,4,3,3,25,23,7,0,17,0,27,10,5,5,6,46,58,26,1,5,9,0,3,4,4,2,4,3,0,6,22,15,3,0,7,0,1,2,9,7,0,2,13,6,45,16,44,41,10,38,0,0,0,2,28,17,5,5,18,208,67,5,0.0,0.10008530250456683,0.08243231831092207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675520898333778,0.14057465454688287,0.0,0.0,0.05744373927774545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837733544994008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519783543161591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495362111705208,0.0,0.25746620964482736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864797133301447,0.0,0.0922213574825966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346647031118517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644400739720755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056537258410933,0.0,0.07481696648801585,0.0,0.0,0.055792845308757374,0.07640960396454853,0.0,0.08071645101795047,0.0,0.0,0.23889756314859426,0.0,0.0854229880309832,0.0,0.08110620123198868,0.0925347579395868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957881728667119,0.07809284324778197,0.08826608671522057,0.16206614794983296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862609757865305,0.0,0.08364038974355248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924912344738987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345556144857246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507467207548224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638560070765326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514988079498024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448059275546407,0.2569785246616477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147475732820982,0.0,0.11712425821443953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985318057740139,0.0,0.0,0.08593821661102824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868511073050237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035205168795488,0.06717538757991008,0.0,0.3419599961586551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34683646763280285,0.06987596851281377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157270521384268,0.1300610792675492,0.0,0.0,0.05978959419050703,0.0,0.1349186209176062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678952551084969,0.0,0.0777703094994563,0.0,0.0,0.056119328642909735,0.10825227231868244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708793926037164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057350825911606125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964734475133204,0.2681992189230865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622268545415167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001272510489225,0.0,0.0,0.05439708731218988
suicidewatch,twunger20,2018/03/06,"I think about hanging myself more and more every day. I'm getting pretty sick of being alive. I quit my last job in October after a girlfriend broke up with me, I couldn't handle the stress of the job on top of heart break. I've sort of gotten over the girl, but I didn't really find another job. I've been keeping myself afloat doing audio transcription online and thankfully I live with my mom who's too nice not to kick my ass out when I can't afford my share of utilities or food. 

I'm 26 years old, I've never had much of a career, I went to school to be an electrician for a year and got a job when I finished my program and quit after a week and a half, I hate construction. I've quit a lot of jobs, over 20 the last time I've counted. I live in rural Ohio so there's not much around locally for entry level. The idea of starting over at a gas station or McDonald's at my age is less appealing than hanging myself. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have any more hope that things will get better. The world is shit even aside from my own problems. I can't even browse reddit or see any news without getting anxiety. If I don't kill myself I imagine it's likely I'll either end up hunted by terminators when the rich replace the poor with machines or die from nuclear holocaust when WW3 starts. Nobody my age I know is thriving. I had a friend hang herself on Valentines day, alcoholism and addiction is rampant among my community. 

I'm starting to think my complete ineptitude at making money is keeping me alive because I can't even afford to drink or buy weed or really anything. I can't even afford to drive anywhere most days out of the week. But I'm getting so sick of the entire world being held hostage by psychopaths, I'm starting to think maybe just take some rope and hang it up on the support beam in my basement. 

Even if I had a job, I don't know anyone who can make a decent living. What's the point in even trying to better myself or find another girlfriend if I'll never be able to afford to raise kids or anything like that anyway? 

I hate myself and most of humanity.",4.737660637381566,5.067697865116282,5.796459948320415,81.87065030146428,69.18604651162791,8.323858742463392,28.71662360034453,8.167268648758528,1.8670241171403958,1662,55,332,21,27,553,213,430,0.099,0.7809999999999999,0.12,0.7191,10,0,2,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,0,6,18,18,4,1,24,0,28,9,3,2,2,58,62,27,3,6,18,1,0,2,3,1,4,1,0,3,9,14,3,3,10,1,4,6,15,7,0,1,9,2,42,11,56,47,12,60,0,1,1,1,11,26,2,17,29,213,51,10,0.0779048637529409,0.0,0.0,0.08492780068048715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325660696993906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595595764721864,0.1633800845903225,0.0595970075360107,0.0,0.07726069118156058,0.0544728921143614,0.0,0.1282181298881734,0.0693518455303762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749008185699002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780104223575013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168176744289958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072657663621325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808529489837901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631710778649384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900058589647504,0.0,0.0,0.30873256662329185,0.0,0.06563820772107486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424072682091631,0.0,0.0942028704847554,0.0,0.06018910448415201,0.0,0.16280830362494986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062307636287969925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538298485245389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231763864452937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773771078789693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794510856446314,0.0,0.0,0.4638513381426934,0.13849084483176624,0.08619018917678843,0.0,0.12844342719125282,0.12700572356460335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612076260604103,0.0,0.2063742659313454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623192925845887,0.0,0.0,0.10400420299253844,0.0,0.07826590676521543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124123486614788,0.0,0.0,0.11453807741384305,0.0,0.12017006721755315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174804950006538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364527732383125,0.0,0.0,0.07925725374082045,0.0,0.0745444333298991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24858423630143725,0.0,0.0,0.09981570117635916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884388126015192,0.062080090034381925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996822311941973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220565854153859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923975821593459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840551617243379,0.0,0.0,0.05857476216229179,0.0,0.0,0.07172433169516755,0.0,0.0,0.05175652981196268,0.14975487309707308,0.0,0.0,0.04542695254865853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289228867868405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498116510733548,0.0,0.0,0.07221858919440745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509750861628896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033635609120917
suicidewatch,xtcorange,2018/03/06,"staring at the abyss i started typing my life story here but it's too depressing for me to write. but the past is irrelevant. it's the future i'm even more worried about. i'm old. and alone. and i want a family. and all i see is failure. the amount of failure is unbearable. the only reason i don't end it all is that it'd be one final grand display of my failure. so i just endure life. i've heard all the platitudes, and i'm not sure how support will help. what do i even do to get out of this?",-0.8261904761904759,1.2699447407407405,2.0593121693121685,94.03833333333333,92.33333333333331,4.9375661375661375,18.825396825396822,6.5431188927421005,0.08732857142857142,384,12,88,5,14,134,69,108,0.234,0.69,0.076,-0.9629,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,10,2,0,2,4,17,19,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,9,3,9,15,5,8,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,6,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446373751721184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329881334121988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090592275317494,0.0,0.0,0.3118011779832197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225152143757054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25856762072525546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331988833635875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821100784443934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334406325804352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476817241284316,0.0,0.15994516626564725,0.1795172083948971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532456896057074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24268593416406045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809138355957575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670686070639652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678526374875139,0.22246261652053365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922107442461126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397076100711119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beepbeepimajeep280,2018/03/06,"I just tried to to kill myself. I am a failure, i can never perform well in school and get better grades. No matter how hard i study , i just cant get more than 70% in any of my tests. Education ruined my life , i got terribly sick because of the stress from it , i lost many things in my life because of these damn grades. I study around 8 hours a day but i am unable to memorize anything. My teachers , my parents , my whole family just tells me how worthless i am all the time.

I went to my garage and tied my belt with the door knob and wrapped it around my neck and applied maximum pressure downwards, i managed to get up after like 3 or 4 seconds because i couldnt see anything , now i have this red mark around my neck.My throat hurts so bad after this attempt ,it hurts when i talk. i dont even know what to do and who am i supposed to ask for help. 
Last week i skipped school 3 days because i couldnt prepare my tests even after studying like 12 hours straight and now in this week , i skipped school yesterday and did the same today. Now i have 3 tests tomorrow and i cant prepare anything. Idk if i failed tomorrow,I will have to use my firearm. I just cant take this pressure anymore .",4.066576530612245,4.538401093877551,4.638201530612246,89.08220025510204,70.71428571428572,7.431122448979592,30.006377551020414,7.1686216300943375,1.5134540816326534,928,36,203,8,16,296,131,245,0.2,0.732,0.068,-0.9844,1,0,0,1,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,5,17,17,2,3,6,0,17,5,2,3,2,30,28,15,1,3,7,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,11,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,13,1,1,4,3,38,4,26,21,4,30,0,6,2,0,6,10,1,2,21,130,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005509147519707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674872913838732,0.0,0.0,0.2906258697925855,0.31439298711602426,0.11005430876951927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829306891974944,0.2870492934344769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411566547574926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184208166353605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796947031615914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550872526797646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097795577333802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451487668601835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415314878743257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545591367932676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890666838524472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318651874555163,0.0,0.25204796946001545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024210496564678,0.0,0.06469700896806835,0.09595925555871572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663012566550398,0.11502618161175834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850762120417555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935177186138746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079457103971852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071650403227153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574232690656103,0.09380930335296488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485031263626446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851239792769264,0.09462059620043396,0.10289433841632714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782093583134011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686447260253281,0.0,0.11158682301048338,0.0,0.0,0.07992560498773868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167413081366418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885919824645356,0.0,0.1058463409419065,0.10912960238474577,0.0,0.13143256424301558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnyCup,2018/03/06,"I'm too lazy and ADD to get my life together. There isn't a job for me that I can attain that I wouldn't want to quit. I'm 27 and I think ready to die.  I've beaten depression a few times and I'm not even depressed right now.  I just want to give up.

Living with parents, unemployed most of my 20s.  People consider me smart but it's not worth anything if you're too lazy to put it to use.  Fuck I wish I could get it together.  Family has given up on me.  I might as well do the same. ",-1.1836538461538453,0.7272550648148126,1.6351851851851862,98.13602564102564,90.94444444444444,5.545299145299146,15.715099715099713,7.010146845296331,-0.2963242165242166,369,8,94,6,13,128,74,108,0.189,0.7040000000000001,0.107,-0.7918,4,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,2,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,20,20,6,1,6,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,12,2,13,16,3,7,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,3,2,57,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331913735254367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815984959563804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628067450881632,0.0,0.21858630105588966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391099739338845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855015219578784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947112273715985,0.22007648031302374,0.20204219279463428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900402009406752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487644081615965,0.0,0.0,0.1859779100619709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234304408775664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23386429844785545,0.0,0.0,0.14601471225450144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172739301252388,0.0,0.22401618987258887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986503255575473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495431804203029,0.0,0.0,0.12281196481582213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190472158865809,0.0,0.0,0.2484537121960116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893692036128831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24219816648405776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,22q2,2018/03/06,A phone call That's all I need. A phone call. I need to let out how I feel and just have someone understand me.. Pm for anything. Kik. Sc. Whatever.,-2.6276612903225818,-2.3825710645161244,0.005120967741936155,101.92768145161293,130.61290322580643,4.130645161290323,16.778225806451616,5.985473137389443,-0.15322903225806472,111,4,27,2,8,37,25,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,6,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582978092063267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6410164075208501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870796611252813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209651982171605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654784527681957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659508578543403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32676181124664183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadFelix,2018/03/06,"Friend clams up when asked about their public twitter suicide announcement. Feeling powerless. Why is it, that, when someone makes a public suicide scare-spectacle on social media, then retreats and won't talk to anyone when you PM them to make sure that they're all right? 

I feel... used up. I feel like I've been manipulated. I feel like my time and emotions have been used up on someone who doesn't want to get better, who's indifferent and who refuses to help themselves. 
At worst, (and this is my paranoia talking, but I can't prove otherwise since they won't talk to me) At worst, I've been lied to, caught in an emotional swindle meant to troll and jerk around some do-gooder's heartstrings just to see who will bite.   

And what am I supposed to do with these feelings now? 
I'm feeling paternal, despite only knowing them for a short time, desperate to be available and helpful but then utterly rejected; like I'm pouring myself out in order to be there for someone whom won't let me be there for them. 
This same person is willing to exclaim very publicly that they're going to pull the trigger, but when questioned about it, they shut down entirely; won't talk about it. No details. 

So what am I supposed to do now? 
I feel like I've pressed as hard as I could and came out jaded from the experience. 
How do I just ignore this? Pretend like it never happened and keep casually chatting with them? I can't DO that.  
Do I block them? It feels agonizing to let myself care about someone, only for my self-taught junior high school practices of 'not letting myself outwardly care about anyone or anything for fear of being tormented about it' to be vindicated. 
It sucks. This SUCKS! I WANT to care about people again. 
Is the only option left to me REALLY just to block them, cut them out from my life, try to forget about them so it doesn't sting when they eventually do the deed; because they refused to reach out and help themselves? Because no one was able to get through to them, so the only thing left for all of their watchers to experience is to witness them kill themselves?? 
How do we get through to these people?? What do I have to do?

And... depression and suicide are no joke. 
So I TRY to take it seriously. 
As seriously as someone who suffers from the occasional episode of depression can. Like, firsthand experience over here, guys. 
But pushing hard and trying to get someone to open up when they don't want to is impossible. Like, if they REALLY don't want to share with you, you can't make them. If they REALLY don't want to let anyone help them, they can refuse all help available to them. 
Like a train wreck in slow motion. You see it coming. You want to stop it. You TRY to stop it. But what can you do? 
Is the only other option just to turn away and plug your ears??

...I don't want to stop caring. I don't want to become the old man who glances over a suicide-threat online and feels nothing when they read it, because they've seen so many and never has seen anyone follow through on it. Who has had their heart catch in their throat at the idea of someone they know cutting their own life short. Of outliving a friend. And then experienced that feeling over and over and over until they just don't take it seriously anymore. ",4.623351362596214,6.044943258373209,4.951068927258858,83.84317089660914,70.16427432216906,7.621232924207753,28.622460300950003,8.04050195162591,1.8161777546633384,2561,94,495,34,46,809,254,627,0.212,0.672,0.116,-0.9967,2,1,0,0,0,4,86.0,1,8,29,1,35,36,6,1,15,0,59,5,3,9,7,100,112,49,4,11,14,0,13,8,2,6,2,1,0,3,40,31,0,10,16,5,0,9,21,17,0,1,10,20,64,19,99,86,8,68,0,4,5,0,71,35,2,7,31,347,104,3,0.057791081756641466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573132241756811,0.16163547229529324,0.0,0.04755713616642697,0.051446315184251135,0.05402686021986973,0.0,0.054296623676445,0.0,0.0,0.10568672112426232,0.0638257093855118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111151547130464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609760180975058,0.23568743769836986,0.0,0.0,0.04978189976125666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614147627955678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995507480697873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001437701854435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959230159146796,0.0,0.06503103385333213,0.2922090736387595,0.12385788106244636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929849281640917,0.0,0.12077381991563264,0.0,0.03284400355830105,0.048472417498168295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722225684000571,0.0511044627394196,0.0,0.10353891585732454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848271013483002,0.1936807195887789,0.06105945082645435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523909694860015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136736880511402,0.06393726950261355,0.0,0.06352093433218799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558035884602806,0.2363811862469927,0.08163910026009755,0.2258704272480059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157279874829874,0.05859108623228081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914408991580516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545210157959162,0.0,0.06064201879726551,0.0,0.03916073264325172,0.2197636092090319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013011902850976,0.05046094348396176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473923767782519,0.0,0.05780672084410931,0.0,0.11106734039558036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935326805506576,0.0,0.0,0.05785895457412379,0.05848766005632562,0.09210401984693012,0.0,0.060288702038782525,0.0,0.0,0.04780538002565452,0.0,0.0,0.05891073004835979,0.34276337223277503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449477961856861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964219070892108,0.0,0.05446741062627508,0.0,0.08690340258425898,0.1858011297148748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03839382679993807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739688903173248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694540402609053,0.06286010182434333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982587896582143,0.0,0.04768369482092849,0.27269341868292124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214746245761793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ben-Waltenburg,2018/03/06,"I was molested when i was a kid and i think its caused most major problems in my life and ones i let go on for to long to the point where i just cant deal with them anymore...my health is dwindling at 29 and ive promised myself when i got to a certain point ..im gonna end it all. everytime i think about i cry about the possible terrible pain id be causing people in my life and it keeps me a little more ground but it feels like that isnt being as effective...and the prospect of suicide is more eminent than ever. i feel like im consciously and sub-consciously distancing my self from people..so that it would be easier to do it. im spacing out and changing behavior around people that ""know"" me..and i think its alienating them. ",1.7044817927170897,3.5509120392156888,3.5571101774042937,89.02485294117649,78.93464052287581,7.508683473389356,24.65406162464986,8.418075326091056,1.5785316526610642,574,21,125,12,14,193,94,153,0.111,0.778,0.11,-0.0359,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,0,8,8,1,0,6,0,13,4,0,2,3,27,23,10,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,2,18,4,18,14,5,18,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,1,7,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128094298120428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29563323691020515,0.15221855113111998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805849583521686,0.0,0.14834623093601046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744551428607567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015846178710133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551213651793513,0.2055928046489686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177708292999976,0.0,0.11508349744426942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295036132910808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662838328905722,0.0,0.0,0.12789773241910415,0.0,0.0,0.07907922530597714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713921703012364,0.20327020914029853,0.14059662845081394,0.14421748585804356,0.0,0.1273398037504756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750487559417377,0.0,0.15311112705130958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995130519747197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720487115097329,0.16221649743168892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768511556042318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011063366912492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739438432651792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766003588337281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221667751202113,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nazetel,2018/03/06,"I truly don't want to but I feel so hopeless. I begged friends in a support group to talk with me, just talk. Nobody messaged me. I don't want to go. I've been crying so much.

I hate myself so much. I'm really hopeless. Can someone please just talk to me? ",-1.5897171717171688,0.3112919272727304,0.9533333333333368,99.11222222222223,102.45454545454548,3.1717171717171717,17.02020202020202,5.033348758259628,-0.7619494949494947,196,6,45,1,9,66,34,55,0.321,0.495,0.184,-0.8925,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,9,2,6,10,2,2,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716965887833475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506493532532706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910979369952738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405717190672098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24420172847957106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636536959434834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715102545918465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845537774665974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095744004033503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806838863004298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5964190121254658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917806790403015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ModernNightmare,2018/03/06,"I just put a gun in my mouth for the third time this year. I wish I could pull the trigger. I'm 23.  Over the course of the last 15 years, I've been on a list of antidepressants/antipsychotics/anti-anxiety drugs longer than my dick, and none of them have worked for more than a handful of months at best.  I was with someone who made me feel like a whole person for a while, but she's gone now and she's not coming back.  I feel like I'll never meet another person who'll accept me in my totality, flaws and all, the way she did.  I just moved into the city and I'm living by myself for the first time, so I'm always alone, except for when I'm at school in my nursing program.  I thought the program was what I wanted, but I'm getting repeatedly hit over the head by the fact that I belong in treatment, not treating people.  My peers are nice enough but there's something inside me that prevents me from getting close enough to be friends with any of them.  My mom is the only person I speak to outside of school on a regular basis, and also the only reason I haven't shot myself yet.  But every time I get to the point where I put the pistol in my mouth, I care a little bit less about how she'll feel when I'm gone.  I spend my days addicted to porn and alcohol, thinking of days gone by and wishing I could drum up the courage to squeeze that fucking trigger.  Not sure what I'm hoping for by posting here. Maybe someone to save me from myself.  Do what you will.",5.233645894001164,4.7002061716171655,5.770417394680647,85.43718695398954,68.14191419141915,8.317530576587071,28.384585517375267,7.285733465282438,1.3731799262279163,1142,32,248,9,17,370,163,303,0.032,0.8290000000000001,0.139,0.9855,0,1,3,2,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,3,14,13,1,0,22,0,15,10,5,5,5,46,42,17,0,6,10,1,5,2,1,3,3,1,0,3,9,12,1,1,7,1,1,8,6,1,0,2,9,6,39,12,44,26,10,45,0,0,0,3,16,17,2,1,20,167,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115582834087722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187717461357903,0.0,0.11510450404787173,0.0,0.08887628763214171,0.0924749586734806,0.0,0.0,0.0755770296271732,0.11653692503714537,0.08501956670028138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854575591574946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663151528890145,0.0,0.121332913810166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331166621659718,0.0,0.0,0.09573475895808643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746783994898807,0.0,0.0,0.14334845283503522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288837362308907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296686375934249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363778837480866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858275014211432,0.15879271308700146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453314869490194,0.0,0.0,0.08586423706305281,0.10274444529578776,0.1741936214797023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405871342810828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103842031064376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059155847207397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859193307231267,0.111388557070788,0.09813608318599876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516059808646193,0.0,0.0,0.11165214086567286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016241207801008,0.08870856184600771,0.11812113429946873,0.0,0.0,0.08571577221395459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904952407428722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704846206419172,0.2911218505763642,0.0,0.0,0.10506046908162107,0.0,0.10643860739245936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344693567648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426743440581605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495332899579526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833218486315176,0.08555875857609634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474538843203704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121215727862162,0.0,0.08823043226088874,0.1944147860041892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555153286703086,0.08821544597109647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408058773934814,0.25560432855338416,0.0,0.0,0.08090912234505049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431372794012395
suicidewatch,TheRealNightfire,2018/03/06,"I'm being bullied by my online friends who I have known for years. I'm 27 years old. I get trash talked alot, sure. But when they start to treat me like I'm something they can just push around, I can't do it anymore. I've been an online gamer/streamer for a very long time, I still have friends I can play with sometimes but half the time, they don't wanna play with me. The ones I've known for years on end have just now started to treat me like shit. I'm not a toxic person. I'm nice, kind and all round type of guy. But when they tell me  to do this and do that I say no. Then they kick me out of the conversation/party. ""Are you done being a salty little bitch?"" I'm not, I've been depressed for the past week because of no job, no money and all kinds of other shit. I think one of my friends is doing this because he just lost some people in his life because he is a firefighter. I'm never going to pick up a controller again or talk to anyone online ever again. I'll be alone. I just need some time. If there is anyone out there that knows my pain let them speak now. Thank you. I need to be alone right now.",1.4931171548117137,2.8808958326359857,2.59853347280335,97.71662866108791,78.12133891213391,5.114728033472804,18.644560669456066,4.935628992294339,-0.6789265271966527,860,16,207,2,20,274,130,239,0.128,0.7170000000000001,0.155,0.6191,1,2,1,0,1,0,30.0,0,2,6,2,17,20,3,0,11,0,23,4,2,2,5,36,40,11,0,4,11,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,2,7,8,0,1,4,2,1,2,8,6,0,3,4,3,26,14,25,31,5,34,0,2,1,0,22,8,3,5,26,129,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254036651614933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162618619427787,0.17150584644066358,0.0,0.0,0.1091758350643318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242810975407752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755148295106812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562987857218824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550356854992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108622871209336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093513891567612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28425468826003003,0.0,0.06407447547980473,0.0,0.06969928754841291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143314156512668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170153704430575,0.0,0.0,0.2554219224567149,0.06739988106967619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540797776082951,0.08662444446094489,0.11983167512980256,0.12291776199614778,0.0,0.10853277324113146,0.0,0.0,0.13387633406643765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187240167204574,0.09458773114023923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869032540944922,0.0,0.1662084319448729,0.0,0.1304978863130358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707400779899176,0.0850233163192599,0.1070847469496132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473411426587567,0.0,0.09752845933279848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517769345835055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441446590118828,0.12129435573116926,0.0,0.17361081835506384,0.0,0.09794067222721356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558699622350806,0.0,0.0,0.19714719528374866,0.10719299520363164,0.1129106766714844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858292835271335,0.0,0.0,0.21453757031261525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119106066941924,0.0,0.0,0.0983746212055019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369289248136572
suicidewatch,iamjustapanda,2018/03/06,"I don’t know anymore I know my life isn’t as bad as other people’s. I don’t know why I am how I am. I don’t want attention. I am seeking help. I have a friend who cares so much and it’s nice to open up to someone after so many years. But it’s getting harder. I feel trapped. Now more than ever. I started cutting again after about 3 years. The pain inside lately has hurt so much. The suicidal thoughts have been coming back. The thought of dying, it’s seems so nice. But I know I can’t. I know I have people I care. And I don’t want to hurt them. But at the same time, I don’t know if I can keep up this charade. I pretend to be happy, pretend nothings wrong, help everyone. I started cutting again a week ago and no ones noticed. No one cares. No one asks how I am except for one person. And even then I can’t tel her everything. I can’t tell my counselor everything. I can’t even begin to tell my parents because they won’t understand. I don’t really expect anyone here to help as much as it is me venting. And I have a lot too say. This year, has been so thee worst I felt I’ve had in a long time, but it’s also been the best. I started new hobbies, made a good friend(the person I talk to now a lot). I’ve done things I never could’ve thought myself doing. But at the same time, I’ve become more suicidal. I’ve felt more alone. I went from making excuses to not replying to text messages. Putting my phone in sleep mode. Crying every two hours. I just don’t know. Therapy isn’t helping. Talking isn’t helping. The pain is just too much. And i don’t know what causing it. I can’t figure it out. But i want it to end. I want to be free. I’m tired of feeling. Sorry it’s so long but i don’t know where to post this. I’m tired of burdening my friend with my problems. I just feel lost, and alone. And the only comfort or relief I feel is a blade against the skin. It helps the pain. Makes it external. thanks for reading. ",-0.9683960925106448,1.1432079661016985,1.3870689655172406,97.80072033898308,95.24697336561745,4.107355765216666,18.500834933622773,5.833697331237671,-0.30718098021207263,1482,47,342,13,58,497,187,413,0.172,0.672,0.156,-0.799,1,4,0,0,0,1,60.0,0,1,2,2,25,27,2,0,17,0,40,8,2,6,2,67,83,31,3,7,14,1,7,0,2,1,6,1,0,2,18,12,0,1,22,3,1,3,23,13,0,5,13,8,51,15,36,67,13,41,0,3,0,0,25,9,0,5,28,227,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062354638334408824,0.0,0.0,0.1457078305542273,0.0,0.05625310306366033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976114515875234,0.04918531372023202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576101227034423,0.0,0.0,0.054089262849868085,0.058733290714299315,0.042880311363525575,0.07768808405638987,0.0,0.0,0.07382041740056584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151574848978776,0.07226142126310801,0.0,0.060594084270643174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616299328599124,0.0,0.0772682508308831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300470943647917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198509578823169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623028323348961,0.0,0.0,0.09292149762086646,0.06362907998069689,0.05926683371275725,0.06721554950032282,0.12643912630534546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422697110204989,0.0,0.1350802175997431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303999319758974,0.0,0.036751204035762736,0.0,0.0,0.05900019414228287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488120706177627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828957328019422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927347783020599,0.0,0.1506068212839117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252390304639742,0.0,0.0,0.3479270156121183,0.0,0.07934973006975157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968519225525598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245023096664809,0.0,0.0,0.07678746383786361,0.11960584769519372,0.0,0.06656004790477489,0.09390871594757932,0.07131654745386767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684017506119654,0.0,0.05425269548262551,0.06793750408815767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674958033384064,0.08008573166839053,0.0,0.0,0.19066437763647304,0.05349886091087426,0.22454906155124554,0.0,0.07810734283566259,0.0,0.0,0.0975336660174823,0.12284122046394785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736894745629701,0.0,0.0,0.06730854920885251,0.0,0.07071393189763688,0.0,0.0,0.07036182490093633,0.0,0.04506339195518693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055939409279487234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403743334556396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039358986425143,0.0,0.05960121697004722,0.0,0.0,0.07874299339683244,0.1493669646236987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538871884519616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130777387516039,0.12296539639016985,0.06476218939127562,0.08044310982010111,0.0,0.04673262345842622,0.0,0.0,0.16753295164169787,0.12305233809336127,0.16169737655558153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687146837858713,0.07322932426976145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595999822190796,0.0,0.05642474243903544,0.0,0.0,0.06520847026998597,0.06347342608078357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690879733204245,0.0,0.13589534978784254
suicidewatch,flourishersvk,2018/03/06,"I’m so tired of this. It’s morning and I want this shit to end. I’m tired of waking up stressed and broken. I started a therapy, I was there once, and my next appointment is 13th of March and I just handle this shit. I don’t believe it will help me. I don’t believe anything will. I’m at work, and I’m ready to explode, I’m sad I’m mad. I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I just want to leave. I guess I’m just venting here, but it’s better than listening to people here, I don’t feel good. I want to leave this shit. ",-2.1529710867397798,-0.33099691525423225,0.8170588235294112,101.56767198404788,98.66101694915254,3.7934197407776673,16.263210368893322,5.5289334501034215,-0.8400285144566301,396,11,102,3,17,137,58,118,0.221,0.639,0.14,-0.8562,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,4,1,1,0,8,6,4,0,0,15,23,7,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,14,2,13,20,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,1,4,56,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751794948017288,0.0,0.1265377133163484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464870777872008,0.0,0.13599503277991362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361925394551177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774956813871389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897304933730608,0.0,0.0,0.16939245489482851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306724645682246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256355790359898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353369091676448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375757957199732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066031603979596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735209958370921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883756784098472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614037814148073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235926507613804,0.0,0.0,0.17584676326071488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534666966336368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627846882516237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194471526013887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bricksinthewall90,2018/03/06,"Why do we not own our lives? Hello, this is my first time using reddit. I don't really know where to start writing. I just feel like im running out of options and there's only one sure fire solution in my eyes. For the past 14-15 years I've been depressed, I can pinpoint the time to when I was around 11-12 years old however I can't identify any reason as to why things started to get bad for me around then but they did. I view it as a graph where my happiness and state of mind slowly began to decline and as the years went on the decline became much steeper much faster. If I've been depressed for 15 years then I've  been contemplating suicide for 12.

I've tried everything, I've been on multiple medications been to multiple therapists, trying different techniques and nothing ever helps. In fact the medication did the opposite of helping and drove me to a suicide attempt this time last year. I have since stopped taking medication but I am still suffering their effects as I can no longer sleep as I could before. Before it might only take me 20 minutes to nod off, now I'm lucky if it takes 90, then there's the nights when sleep just doesn't come, like tonight, im writing this at 4:58am.

Everyday for the past decade I have had suicidal thoughts and I say that with 100% sincerity. I often find myself hoping that I'll one day awake with a serious illness, heart attack or get in a fatal accident so that things get taken out of my hands. It's on nights like this when I can't think of anything else other than suicide and I've been asking myself recently why is it that we seem to have no control or say over our own lives?

I'm certain that if I lived in America then I would not be here to write this, as I would have done the deed years ago with a gun. Why does society persist against my wishes to try and ""fix"" me when I could have told you 10 years ago that fixing me was impossible? Instead, they wait for me to hang, poison or eviscerate myself in order to make that conclusion? For God's sake, we have clinics all over Europe that monitor drug users when they inject themselves with literal poison, why cant we have any to ensure people safely leave this world? Instead they're forced to do it alone, scared and broken. I know about the euthanasia clinics in a few Scandinavian countries but they usually require a terminal or exceptionally special case before going through.

All I want is the right to die by my own rules but of course our governments wouldn't want us destroying their property: The tax payer.

I apologize for the long winded post but its just been playing on my mind as things usually do when im awake at 5am and I wanted to vent somewhere. I'm quickly running out of alternatives and don't see any reason to carry on and I think at this stage its an inevitability that I will die by my own hands, which is a relief in some ways. 

",5.157132950173374,5.86698242003515,5.7952652828575495,80.90397758039236,68.38488576449913,9.033600911984044,29.789626181541824,9.142720283898788,2.3850697857787493,2283,82,448,41,37,742,278,569,0.173,0.735,0.092,-0.996,2,1,1,1,0,3,46.0,8,1,6,7,25,24,4,1,22,0,44,15,6,6,6,89,79,42,7,13,18,0,4,3,0,5,9,2,0,0,29,26,0,5,12,1,1,7,11,11,0,3,19,9,56,13,74,52,10,84,0,3,3,0,26,27,0,14,48,292,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190256966405601,0.0,0.0,0.06953362452641841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696626846328078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524798287289247,0.1195322245740888,0.06276397800022902,0.07637796379096155,0.0,0.0,0.05605654230380113,0.0,0.0,0.1713857784575603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578325308690806,0.0,0.0,0.07529978928449542,0.10720677049609877,0.0,0.0,0.0432977735246957,0.0,0.11564989963012025,0.0,0.13935509259338552,0.07014381507753734,0.0,0.0,0.05875199042000968,0.06870440117045512,0.0,0.0,0.0778575382151295,0.0,0.05608430026252918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072920775102246,0.0,0.0,0.060338354503825374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03394645514229852,0.047962644818532636,0.0,0.0,0.06136194874981521,0.05710664861487608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522884374558608,0.0,0.03815547134117025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146852322368179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955759958669123,0.09000095414664062,0.0,0.0,0.0666821319977084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175582545287948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379341514118164,0.054725568422939054,0.0,0.07108832782684885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839915601010438,0.0,0.17784944952051435,0.05941408104212417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04481443014846683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290021786698856,0.0,0.07122168595714763,0.13557834576901162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870675457165147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600694427446482,0.0,0.06441970659490501,0.0,0.07044892703724519,0.0,0.09098745890807672,0.10212133947827527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817961578926035,0.04654430229143201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429863212358786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043009644219946616,0.13805591614845358,0.06628963081805972,0.0,0.0,0.05733458168476594,0.0,0.10677998200301016,0.06721579113107512,0.0,0.053499450568472426,0.06111895055947364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555363722417331,0.0,0.13437085510283292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503974627664022,0.0,0.0536156486492736,0.056129489751064285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29374767136520097,0.0,0.06327577335356048,0.0,0.15143587538900186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795116430496042,0.13380840330952662,0.08603728319560029,0.0,0.053299232722298216,0.1174442724393914,0.0,0.0,0.06415222522379037,0.0,0.1367447300117372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075747493825901,0.05798476207729038,0.14788371327522842,0.0,0.1187973236463003,0.05329017963566117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223661790102435,0.3029032386055612,0.0,0.07720417005387778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538431476549553,0.0,0.0,0.30263792658520217
suicidewatch,TheDonkeyKong45,2018/03/06,"I just want it to be over... I wouldn't normally post here but I don't really know who else to talk to I'll get it out here.. I'm a 23 year old guy, have a good paying job, car paid, place to stay... but I feel like I want my life to end. Idk how I would kill my self or if I even would because I don't want to hurt my family... I'm just really conflicted about everything. My fiancé just left me and I'm really not good for anything. I've been feeling this way for a long time. I'm not sure if it's because I feel like I don't belong or what... I'm just not sure about anything. I had to get it out somehow.. thank you Reddit.",-1.3035563380281694,0.4511188380281688,1.6656161971831018,98.92828345070423,89.49295774647888,5.521830985915493,15.213028169014088,6.9077264865688965,-0.4937056338028167,473,9,125,7,16,166,77,142,0.092,0.7190000000000001,0.19,0.8974,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,11,9,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,2,32,26,8,1,9,13,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,4,0,2,1,7,2,0,0,3,3,17,7,14,19,0,14,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,5,7,70,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435076192194625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038317638260445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359686021422847,0.0,0.13104362394813293,0.0,0.0,0.0977224416176814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297181443393044,0.0,0.13947817764207407,0.0,0.2244304690270574,0.2113972102492819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460006490286407,0.0,0.0,0.2481941499060115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464980511096373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838817364085012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468218458671441,0.0,0.16368954830974122,0.0,0.08131183212807952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607528158145796,0.0,0.10450452099336824,0.14456602737485927,0.0,0.0,0.13093492893636946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496383275223035,0.0,0.0,0.15525318398386506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458078760810254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169935274836226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28435000310067443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434863705753787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769963312720675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788904159459521,0.0,0.0,0.11892008852999375,0.0,0.13621647162090034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627336144402505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618018970693331,0.11743926290225082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020502642479205,0.0,0.0,0.0952777396388316
suicidewatch,CEPIV,2018/03/06,Why is this happening I live a decent life no real struggles with money family friends but I still feel like I am nothing and I will not succeed in anything I can’t even be happy for the little things anymore and I just want to put it all to rest but don’t even have the guts to carry it out I need help,1.197272727272729,2.890719636363638,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,79.9090909090909,5.612121212121212,21.60606060606061,6.42735559955562,0.30026060606060634,240,7,53,2,6,81,52,66,0.097,0.684,0.219,0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,7,2,1,0,1,13,11,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,7,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360301322511441,0.0,0.0,0.19585213186471429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143909596454757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243633979697847,0.0,0.12033897462220565,0.17002586789804214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387671756763824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104609062305563,0.25335336978336465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595250887261499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810507442566364,0.1162738346641264,0.23853658926395205,0.2101566550685727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647255234541656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836556584768936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925379464192464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708939066915748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006556517055992,0.0,0.0,0.2488072564204299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811534157350884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037742728984592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475623885169184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhitePretear,2018/03/06,"I'm tired of people seeing me being suicidal as their failure I'm suffering and in pain, I'm depressed. I have issues behind my loved one's comprehension. Even those with their own issues don't have the same issues, we all suffer differently. 

I know if I die those that care about me will be in pain and I do feel guilt for that now but it's not that they failed me. These are my issues. This is my pain. They didn't fail me. 

I can't explain my feelings to them because there aren't words to convey them properly. I understand the sadness they'll feel, the pain but why feel like failures? If I want freedom then they didn't fail me...",1.757846153846156,3.9457387846153855,3.0146153846153863,91.26038461538462,80.38461538461539,5.8461538461538485,20.76923076923077,7.010146845296331,0.42053846153846175,502,14,106,6,13,162,79,130,0.248,0.583,0.16899999999999998,-0.848,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,8,3,4,15,0,1,3,0,14,6,0,0,1,20,28,8,2,3,5,0,4,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,2,5,25,3,10,22,3,4,0,7,1,1,11,2,0,2,3,74,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405265898060431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058168057542558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187590785733957,0.0,0.1431015715865822,0.14405917986739772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107092163208083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788726836029189,0.0985041841421279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756592793860735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577730732996127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673630392966712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444547478024552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934336027633149,0.0,0.5868721594229821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559123649308277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987550311785962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508224516233229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847709610202804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354185462986066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132741281137951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441864499232147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisissti,2018/03/06,Might as well go on my birthday No one is around. No one wished me happy birthday. No one wanted to hang out. No one wanted to talk. No one will miss me. Good bye,-2.6902142857142834,-1.9001344857142843,-0.3980357142857134,105.70866071428571,122.42857142857142,1.75,10.089285714285717,3.1291,-2.2052142857142853,123,2,30,0,8,40,23,35,0.266,0.55,0.184,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,5,0,0,3,3,6,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004382413360375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796240679401816,0.18885173956274368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396847403598609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885691961484276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7628640022450991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097336779573173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656078917846801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024439663066106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589204396479056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mauryshow,2018/03/06,"Drowning in Debt. About to be Evicted. Hate My Job. * I'm broke and drowning in debt and I've just gotten served with an eviction notice from my apartment asking me to appear in court. 

* I'm also in graduate school and didn't get any financial aid this semester (because i am only taking 1 'course' which is bullshit because this 1 'course' is a mandatory full time internship and is unpaid). This means I have to work full time at my internship and then come home and work part time at a second job which doesn't matter anyway because I still don't make enough money to really get by.

* I also hate the second job that I have to work.

* I'm exhausted every day. No friends because I have no time for friends right now. Just totally miserable and alone. Not in contact with any family.

* I just feel so hopeless right about now. It feels like i'm running out of options. I feel like I can't drop out of school because I only have a few months left.

* The sad thing is that this will all ratify itself by July or August of this year when I have graduated and am able to get a job (it's easy to get a job in my particularly career because there is a shortage), but I don't know if I can make it that long. 

* It's really funny because you always hear that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and that's very true for me, but it feels like the only solution for me right now.

* I just don't know if I can make it. ",2.234301304232101,4.141220847750869,3.97475778546713,86.36326523822198,77.54671280276817,7.075911631620975,23.918152781474586,8.012643519586192,1.3476791589033796,1111,37,227,19,26,373,139,289,0.134,0.764,0.103,-0.7151,11,1,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,0,3,16,14,2,1,12,0,23,1,0,3,3,41,49,19,3,3,10,0,4,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,20,14,0,0,7,0,3,3,9,8,0,2,2,5,23,6,31,45,7,36,0,4,0,0,6,17,0,5,18,150,43,13,0.0903487009309224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357400642189094,0.0,0.14450364698474413,0.07517735685805571,0.0,0.0,0.122880429643992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446383919229539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855301065081666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782740583128206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582674377389046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335435979175936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612267724182092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517271440920647,0.0,0.18273207146157044,0.19363538999272506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960636443917554,0.0,0.18881386892517507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840127443991585,0.0,0.0,0.1018295522927242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062711361651203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482857232034324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099306566417959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816412791817833,0.0,0.0,0.13241943475706267,0.0,0.0,0.07995575721605266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092537832165345,0.0,0.0,0.09841622194305154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721154711061762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286259483701296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614277497906625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783883869155648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645150493230783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575938265411262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314718908142784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182875417658059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215258927160942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882681463088204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793097906548913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002366229703935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107322163113092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454714034942495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973247909766386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818160120099676
suicidewatch,4lonely6me,2018/03/06,"This Is It. This is it, guys. This is the end. Tomorrow, I am finally following through with what I've been thinking for awhile. 

The End.

I don't care what's after. I don't care what happens to me. It must be better than what I've already endured. If you don't understand that, you haven't really lived.

For tonight, I will cling to the few things that have made an impact into the pain I feel. One, is a dear friend (and someone I am also affectionate toward) that I haven't met in person yet. I was hoping to do that. I was hoping to travel, make love, transfer feelings, have fun, and so much more. But life is so limiting. That will never happen.

I am thankful for keeping me going this long, and supporting me even though I didn't deserve it.

Maybe we should all be more in tune into what others are feeling instead of being so selfish. I might as well join the crowd, right? The ultimate act of selfishness: suicide.

This is the end.",1.5812566844919789,3.925323957219256,3.0746818181818187,89.67202272727273,82.15508021390373,5.87903743315508,22.718983957219248,7.1686216300943375,0.8865018181818183,728,25,147,10,20,238,111,187,0.113,0.722,0.165,0.825,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,1,2,0,2,9,16,0,0,9,0,30,3,0,2,3,25,50,11,1,5,2,0,3,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,21,7,0,2,5,1,0,4,7,3,1,1,6,3,18,13,19,36,5,20,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,4,10,118,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217934401709566,0.11752772116426385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299784488442623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996808770159801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905016527593009,0.0,0.0,0.0970688839173203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222929500991464,0.0,0.0,0.16099278728387795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354466281599275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352349948888013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551828711883175,0.25992102697946506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919384728878159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062909320793506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380560543940598,0.0,0.0,0.12977263709050274,0.13005924951579798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264149663798086,0.13906167526402435,0.09810016498370748,0.0,0.147645924786673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155906459586054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803605977366876,0.0,0.11334833671088215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958717204212847,0.0,0.15638094052533788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832402054182168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414943311538844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550716150832986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452282323304613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075567026646642,0.16677394706073126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530546978273353,0.0,0.0,0.09763690249906487,0.09416912865204764,0.1443921989377524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299557064584035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213903161070809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liddle_eggroll,2018/03/06,"it’s so beautiful i constantly dream about going to a place where there are rolling green hills and just one tree, dropping acid and laying there to die. i’ve thought about it for a while and really want to do it. i wanted to do it with the love of my life, which he is always talking about death and suicide and being sad boy but i think when it really came down to it he would never end it all. he’s way too scared. and i don’t think he has it all that bad. he’s fine. i think to myself he only really wants attention from people but i could give him more attention than the scars on his arm, or sad anime post on instagram or doing drugs will ever bring him. recently he cheated on me i would call it cheating, he doesn’t lol but i still love him. i never thought he could do anything to me and i always thought he was gonna be the one that wouldn’t do average boy shit. but i was wrong and i’m giving up hope for the fact that he was different from everyone else. ifeel like i’ll never be able to love anyone again. everything is falling and i am starting to really think about this whole idea of this place where i can be finally be happy and just run around haha. i day dream about it i go to sleep thinking about it i stare at my parents and i can’t get this picture of this place out of my head. but then i go to school and specifically sit in drivers ed class at crack of dawn ahah FUCK ME and stare at the two boys sitting across from me that i really enjoy fucking around with and they make my day start out a lot better.t i think about how selfish it would be to do this and then i think how much i would just miss seeing their faces and seeing everyone, people i have never even talked to. although i hate everything so much i think i would miss it. i’m scared but i can’t get these thoughts out of my head. everything has really just been shitty i feel so fucking empty. i stand in the shower and i just don’t move or i just dance and laugh at nothing. i always started hearing voices at night. they’re not awful but they’re definitely there. i feel like i’m crazy. i wish i didn’t feel so worthless. i really feel like no one loves me. i don’t really talk to my parents anymore and i don’t get close to anyone besides for that boy. maybe if me and him could be together i wouldn’t feel like this. he’s the only thing i’ll ever care about that i can’t care about i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m so lost i need help so bad
i see it right now the sun is soooo bright and him and i holding eachother 
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suicidewatch,thatgaypurple,2018/03/06,"What can i do? I don't usually visit this sub, it just makes me cry more than usual and makes urges worse. I've been depressed for nearly 10 years now, mostly on and off, and it keeps getting worse every time. I work hard so my life gets better but my depression just comes back to get me and I just want to die. I want to do things to harm myself, even though I've promised myself not to do these things, ever. I won't do it, and I probably won't kill myself either, at this point it's become routine to just try and fight it off. But fuck, what can I do to make it stop? ",1.0479822616407972,2.634596089430893,2.5855432372505547,96.44155210643015,79.97560975609754,5.4483370288248345,16.87287509238729,6.11248444174946,-0.5867821138211378,441,7,105,3,11,144,73,123,0.253,0.654,0.093,-0.9743,0,0,0,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,3,0,0,0,11,2,0,3,1,24,22,10,2,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,1,1,15,2,14,19,3,16,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,1,8,75,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341907314423525,0.0,0.0,0.1772660750656627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195436017061694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826155737163462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630811363603435,0.0,0.0,0.2764868663439813,0.0,0.1665797073038949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601258463600567,0.14518670920021928,0.13523308138483628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483850502417798,0.2515730091359292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378169398574756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426649533894547,0.17757591610437404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133700119773731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32141665660850555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172988610937996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730524280186533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419005792821748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326587825190055,0.0,0.15769615960255315,0.0,0.09359223818515984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897292031357747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535489835922931,0.0,0.18934099006321325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685015330634935,0.0,0.3271382991974705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336048987504412
suicidewatch,whateverthrowaway85,2018/03/06,"I just want the agony to end I'm at the end - too done to even keep typing. You'd think the sucidie hotline would be more responsive but I'm guess I'm not even worth them. I'd be willing to listen if someone responded. But with 12+ years of depression I'm not too apt to keep waiting. Just so done feeling so done. 

ALSO FUCK HIDING THE FACT I WAS RAPED. Way too much their to bear. fuck that. i hate feeling that. I just want to kill it. it's not fair.",-1.341904761904761,0.6699985510204094,0.9253469387755118,100.0648911564626,99.20408163265309,4.245986394557823,16.737414965986396,6.079149491110277,-0.4722185034013604,350,10,84,4,15,116,59,98,0.362,0.5670000000000001,0.071,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,0,11,6,5,0,4,0,9,3,0,0,1,21,26,6,1,4,9,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,4,3,7,0,9,17,2,5,0,1,0,3,5,1,2,2,3,51,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429105605938959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391860952843406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486326886816949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165596993108579,0.0,0.0,0.2360663251091114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071753423506245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33042033294423434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686403088440246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643448226303593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176829560768283,0.19771093255850125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136895460630502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141641732419012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450713783085653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108100272727565,0.14184794586549201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694711492601998,0.0,0.0,0.11508035149815644
suicidewatch,zimbaebwe,2018/03/06,"Gf of 3 years got up and left It happened yesterday morning.

Between her saying she couldn’t do this anymore and her leaving was a total of 4 minutes.

Want to fucking cease to exist.
Wish I had the balls to drive into a wall. ",0.5265942028985506,2.9646296304347857,2.5347826086956537,90.54463768115944,89.65217391304346,3.936231884057971,25.057971014492754,5.46131890053228,0.6662144927536233,177,8,34,1,6,59,40,46,0.0,0.905,0.095,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,8,5,1,7,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446734730063864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213018227573645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779652765948703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30733487623254785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680023449324091,0.3776110927922193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27638351449664444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049923665856784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399662173621378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380902755252835
suicidewatch,nguyenforthewin,2018/03/06,"Before you die, what would you leave to your loved ones? As in a letter, message, video, etc. I made a video of all the good memories I’ve had with my family within the past few years. I would post it but it’s super super personal. ",0.8362499999999997,2.921635124999998,2.904,91.34100000000001,83.16666666666666,6.34,15.85,7.554174236665415,0.09324500000000002,178,3,39,3,5,60,39,48,0.065,0.659,0.276,0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,5,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,4,6,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364448828614925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883827249927396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098958527388102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619488671584421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330621804153129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294221693837932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507863801371938,0.2629250652264768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829029389430102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26525608933206524,0.0,0.2426232921976796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661203749361377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947783766166351,0.0,0.0,0.17893764017949354
suicidewatch,littleleftallalone,2018/03/06,"I’ll always be the worse sibling. It’s not my brother’s fault. We actually get along fine. But why does he get to be the attractive, bright, funny, successful, likable one? Why is he always the best at everything? Why does my family like him better?

You know what people say to me when they meet him? “Wow! He’s actually hot!” Someone said that to me verbatim, the implication being that it’s surprising someone like that could even be birthed from the same DNA as me.

It won’t matter much longer anyway. I’m going to kill myself before my birthday. I’m almost through my twenties and haven’t accomplished a damn thing. But he’s only 21, and he’ll accomplish enough for the two of us. 


",2.0172636815920413,4.58210898507463,3.6566865671641833,84.75721890547266,82.28358208955223,6.856915422885572,23.112437810945273,8.021203637495839,1.5326085572139307,540,19,103,11,15,179,91,134,0.067,0.6609999999999999,0.273,0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,2,1,1,5,3,13,2,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,16,6,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,1,4,14,10,11,8,4,4,0,0,1,0,15,1,1,1,4,62,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.31388639271546004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104423326276315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267640605815017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685127225529914,0.0,0.168777201184069,0.1422377268069714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284066542931333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814802269664561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617648221734602,0.0,0.1062242049728762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454024109738794,0.0,0.1516126519746534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805012964484134,0.0,0.09140125003719783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793038982383974,0.0,0.08838588741452848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714313999705648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822578044304052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108980012427902,0.12231559139089805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149665466078916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298256902400242,0.12789546939096047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725350774646772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684579780284048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571038530803375,0.0,0.19345414693488516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353619600393817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638956632731123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VaelKnightfall,2018/03/06,"I’m the closest to ending my life for the first time in months. I feel so pathetic writing this right now. I know some People will think this, as is common, is a cry for attention. 

It’s really not. I can list the things that are pushing me to the edge here, probably nothing you haven’t heard before. 

Ex-GFs/Bfs, family troubles, academic problems. All I know is that for he first time in a while now, I am seriously considering it. Just ending it. Just letting go. I know some Of you have been here before. I know I have. 

I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not impulsive. I have had thoughts of death and suicide almost everyday for the past year. I will write letters tonight. I will beg for forgiveness and I will say goodbye. So many people to say goodbye. No bitterness, no anger. Just soul-wrecking pain and despair. The kind that traps you in your head. The most dangerous kind of feelings, the ones that come and go and you think you’ll be happy one day until you they come back, stronger and deeper. I don’t know how I will do it yet. I want to shoot myself  but it would destroy my parents to see my blood and brains all over. 

I want to give them an open casket. It’s the least I can do. 

Please forgive me and try. Try for happiness. Try for strength and kindness and hope and life. Try where I failed. I love you all. 

I am so sorry. ",0.7165772112266566,3.1176649963099656,2.1559007044615903,94.23253829811026,87.22878228782288,5.3512691490551285,21.127250363412728,6.850034144686104,0.4699116851168514,1038,35,224,14,33,334,146,271,0.145,0.7120000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.662,1,0,0,1,0,1,43.0,0,8,2,4,16,20,4,0,12,0,28,7,3,1,3,49,50,19,3,5,7,1,2,0,0,7,3,3,0,0,15,14,0,0,13,0,0,5,7,10,0,4,4,7,37,10,22,37,7,32,0,2,1,1,22,8,0,5,19,156,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016330144035788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910449663363146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459410726543448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722791437503644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228121994848852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895349351929304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084540174161686,0.0709500394992124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194879804374758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103711570065376,0.0,0.1112529415319976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715599648938652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553561809169668,0.12504717810596114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342242629533103,0.0,0.0,0.1129062792504138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926889569577136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436884911566693,0.3023045582275938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249694424834868,0.1554125259503369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929208519656832,0.0,0.0,0.1115371026937122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781226225211566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055615648418796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909689986204386,0.0,0.11706283526142895,0.0,0.12215771837005575,0.0,0.10502097524777756,0.15253994915728605,0.0,0.0,0.12076252388757025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186138842676734,0.10526870457559452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047789546295688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395150152200704,0.0,0.17497536995794072,0.0,0.0,0.08766705125967461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231518582218816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033764781389615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308852724819317,0.14098527809174838,0.0,0.08733896362518215,0.12830029645409494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987696042494547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297784176715734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815091111275309,0.0,0.0,0.0708455196165581
suicidewatch,Orangemonkey68,2018/03/07,"I've had multiple suicidal thoughts over the last few weeks. I feel like I can't do anything about my life. I've heard my parents fighting alot lately and my dad is keeping money from my mom. My grades are slipping and three of my friends said that I was too clingy today, just because they're some of the only people I really trust. I want to tell someone but I can't bring myself tell them. Somebody started a rumor that I asked somebody for sex. I'm 13. I can't fix any of this and I don't want to hurt myself or anybody else but I feel like there isn't any other option.",1.7422314049586802,3.571032975206613,3.13305785123967,92.1923140495868,78.75206611570249,5.391735537190083,23.396694214876035,6.11248444174946,0.43039834710743774,454,15,97,3,11,148,80,121,0.04,0.8170000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.8647,1,0,0,0,2,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,0,16,22,6,1,2,4,3,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,5,4,19,4,9,17,3,7,0,1,0,1,12,1,0,4,7,58,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594875394696305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700394663439193,0.0,0.1783629327279039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630383759364915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593805968573336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293835374406976,0.2726008855330703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740391170333686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042446839366846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958295391051456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551934708602064,0.21521947545796727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476064765191614,0.1864207528278798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345098906487845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510442282180225,0.0,0.0,0.21184976104808506,0.0,0.0,0.13226979109647288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222498514395358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814850186112599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165578183661514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350421723711934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869333738891835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335178089113848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514659803822741,0.0,0.0,0.18084664951756715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250658176967132,0.0,0.15304026188753647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kayzm,2018/03/07,"i’m questioning why i’m even still around i ruin any good thing, i can’t do anything right i have nothing, i have no one, i cant take the pain and i can’t run away from myself i just don’t want to do this anymore i have nothing to live for ",-2.9019642857142856,-1.4497444107142834,0.07971428571428517,104.46528571428571,109.17857142857142,2.954285714285714,14.528571428571427,4.935628992294339,-1.2963585714285717,187,5,49,1,10,64,36,56,0.104,0.72,0.17600000000000002,0.3798,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,0,5,13,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,9,1,6,13,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711742781190343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496328348805865,0.0,0.0,0.2071393276294624,0.2240789920357356,0.0,0.0,0.23649376365998626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625484587200995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112591670802291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222682378450224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830531004491407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056804683976712,0.0,0.2678416410608477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819774958042049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496253949075864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101927408244186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892577416459719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672277203705034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484675485853683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271329012170238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeirCaiu,2018/03/07,"I don't know what to do anymore I entered college last semester and I have been struggling. My parents are no help at all, they still see me as a kid that doesn't know any better, and they constantly mock me and force me too stay. Right now, I am feeling worse and worse. It's hard for me to go to sleep, and when I do I'll only sleep a few hours. Today, though, is the day that I trully think that I dont know what to do. I´ve went to this test, studied a lot, did great on the practice tests, and, just a few minutes ago, I opened to see a zero. I've done okay in the rest of my classes, but not great. I honestly don´t know what to do. I basically cannot stand anyone I meet, and I have started considering suicide more and more in the past few months. I have been told that I shouldn´t complain, but what else can I do? I'm going to the gym, managed my time correctly, and all of that stuff. I really don't know what to do, I am uninspired, tired, and considering dying. The only thing that can of stops me is a lack of strength to do it, but everyday, every second I do feel more determined to do it. ",3.4786409155937044,3.6940648755364833,4.800188841201717,88.31416022889843,71.91845493562231,7.9300715307582275,26.69213161659513,7.793537801064563,1.2492119599427751,848,26,196,10,15,283,124,233,0.14400000000000002,0.768,0.08800000000000001,-0.8816,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,2,2,6,9,1,1,12,1,28,3,2,0,3,30,44,16,2,1,5,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,11,0,1,8,1,0,4,7,3,0,2,6,5,28,6,21,38,11,27,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,1,15,140,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640931656566708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893036834587025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023645790737226,0.0918236222385496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614392365811213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191277898166607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469203486446643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629183904489114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343883314450721,0.15390878552548426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970295067191237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064472173685842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280102547521455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926700594677986,0.0,0.0,0.2895666513268496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763900784479953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802258552711692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932603613372598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608565740880624,0.10704522130242426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116455436144482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482022601645494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975308981112064,0.0,0.0,0.14581789969652206,0.0,0.1253620175543916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412844336456253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214854704286836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092937795145765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628343265421353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092950616739915,0.1399721242428539,0.10487417747001056,0.10979134297079902,0.0,0.1372866060311714,0.1503326422282036,0.14364530782643906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087244716727257,0.08414604256601856,0.1290235164319208,0.0,0.07657510310852053,0.15093569298203696,0.12447820790234053,0.12548410814212976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173710987964882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676573343852825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galapagosisland,2018/03/07,"Got rejected from all PhDs, my partner got accepted to the best in the nation. Im worthless, he and the rest of the world would be better without me. Life has sucked up until his point, it never works for me, it has been abuse and pain... and working through all those issues only landed me with rejections. I’m a failure. My partner needs to move on without me, and look forward to these great years and find someone at his level. Just tell me how to do it. How do I take my life in the easiest manner. I have pills ",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.23,87.89000000000001,73.61538461538461,6.7384615384615385,26.461538461538463,7.1686216300943375,1.2105230769230777,400,14,82,4,8,130,72,104,0.16,0.71,0.13,-0.5719,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,3,9,1,0,6,0,8,4,0,2,3,18,15,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,1,12,4,17,10,4,15,0,3,1,0,6,11,1,0,4,61,17,2,0.0,0.23000744771462656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037231553599558,0.1716885830138932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774275556485421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105204318244641,0.2140244899971248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968928409575466,0.20261700403442048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742337282105154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301686408371555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632510976623467,0.0,0.14394189503752647,0.1497218615079054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476414945446131,0.2065636444188137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351172246959252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448224504807926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595851748080127,0.0,0.16967459298395338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742608802666753,0.0,0.2826519343542629,0.0,0.0,0.1379014695658926,0.0,0.0,0.1250107148870893
suicidewatch,TheColossalT,2018/03/07,"I just feel so useless It's like no-one cares how I feel. At all. People who I thought I could trust have lied to me constantly for years, and I still have to deal with those people. People constantly talk shit behind my back, and I don't know anyone who I could trust anymore. I almost always have to put on my overused fake happy face, since I'm so rarely truly happy. I feel like I'm the guy who's not important to anyone, I feel ugly, I feel lonely and I feel like the guy who's sometimes decent to have around but nobody would care if I died. I feel like I don't have any actual friends, since I'm too afraid to ask anyone who seems nice to hang out, and no-one ever asks me. I feel like I'm shit in everything. This constant bullshit I have to deal with drains the fun out of almost everything. I don't wanna play sports anymore, I don't wanna talk with new people because I'm too scared that they're assholes once I get to know them. Only fun I sometimes have is video games, but I remember enjoying them much more before I felt so bad about myself.

Shortly, I don't have any good friends, I can't trust anyone anymore and almost nothing brings me joy anymore.",2.872644682245032,4.2880953734439835,3.849788163354444,90.05347237388077,74.51867219917013,6.401485040401836,22.64271675038217,6.8360192770164,0.5474597510373442,919,24,194,8,19,296,120,241,0.2,0.59,0.209,0.3884,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,0,12,29,2,2,3,0,18,3,3,1,2,41,42,12,1,6,5,0,9,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,9,11,0,0,14,4,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,9,33,21,24,37,3,18,0,2,0,0,18,7,2,5,13,109,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.08094348133598682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24917577553970985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901784494104647,0.0,0.0,0.11281245835060807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290411865306865,0.23199151833818105,0.0,0.0,0.07383966281049176,0.15508691446830666,0.0,0.0,0.06378047259039965,0.0692565740624893,0.050563205699073695,0.0,0.07058106791933749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691382644800563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689059764655455,0.0,0.13245150941748135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102768557620093,0.0,0.0,0.08608501251177259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502954519690004,0.0,0.0,0.14909330992466707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355205423809593,0.2370269964283781,0.07964131568994608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281679858981868,0.0,0.043335942073628515,0.0,0.0,0.06957129875785148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642594667932535,0.0,0.17659544696683951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117007419672253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026165057585119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097496721623505,0.0,0.0,0.08010991256031641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958907198903954,0.0,0.0,0.08833494711340932,0.0,0.0630842879374153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23001767760583905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338379481478947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396182327967678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830435703902211,0.0,0.0,0.07551106350983015,0.0,0.0,0.17028607055902506,0.13722783173020478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407173478870782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624090586006462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333795354263425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584998122967342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892256807559451,0.0,0.0,0.05341460378414335
suicidewatch,Kurtyboyy,2018/03/07,"Love of my life With her for 7 years 17-24 wedding booked for next year, she gets a new job in Sept then by Dec we have an argument and she’s done.

I took her for granted and pushed her too far, she used to say things like ‘never leave you’ ‘we will be together forever’ etc and I got too comfortable and didn’t make any effort n it’s possible she met someone else at her work I don’t know but can’t blame her.

I tried begging n she gave me a chance out of pity but gave up after a week and said ‘it’s for the best’, never in my life have I seen her that cold it was like talking to a different person.

At first she blamed the argument but then I asked how long was she thinking of leaving n she said 1-2 months, it hurt so much as we used to tell each other ‘if ever have doubts then tell other person’ but she didn’t.

She got rid of me over text and I got upset and said it’s obvious she’s seeing someone else and she blocked my number and social media, it’s been 3 months now and she hasn’t contacted me and it fukin kills like how can you one day go from loving n affectionate to heartless and cold???

I feel there is nothing left to live for I honestly thought I found the one and thought she was different, never in my life have I thought like this and although I still have my family I honestly feel so close to doing something stupid.",1.3538218623481768,3.1007213228070216,2.886403508771931,93.89219635627529,79.63157894736842,6.3495276653171375,21.136977058029693,7.321109707123232,0.4514183535762486,1047,29,242,14,26,343,153,285,0.14300000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.127,-0.7839,3,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,3,2,0,4,11,18,3,2,8,0,20,5,0,5,5,46,48,28,1,1,5,0,2,4,0,1,3,4,0,2,12,21,0,1,8,1,0,3,8,7,0,3,22,10,46,11,28,24,4,34,0,2,2,2,43,11,0,2,24,157,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937600248254215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537342169890806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706200460829253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579342075767651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317500477537552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440023137757233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044654561592185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137774704270163,0.0,0.09228147298531217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617385719462884,0.0,0.10316712498553514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677678907060457,0.0,0.11185789718920368,0.0,0.0,0.053300397293702784,0.0,0.057979401151545124,0.0,0.24478027432045996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921279479391598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123750880739246,0.0,0.11286823150064965,0.0,0.056066638262132006,0.0,0.0,0.21604548608042454,0.11084327751585292,0.0,0.21617581434138608,0.19936412572902,0.0,0.09008410603492333,0.09028306341677277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415115721866232,0.0,0.06809806645350602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628602086430414,0.0,0.07499525387204095,0.0,0.23604861114190695,0.09852999524907152,0.10849771345388977,0.0,0.0,0.09788939513638514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826060049476796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781570434644908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150104043946057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911285480787229,0.08112911718675432,0.0,0.0,0.08129544720234573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039948995116026,0.1728796988855316,0.07853873957020842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147201677161063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199851622097926,0.1783371362362951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777648412518021,0.06536926397504968,0.0,0.2429736145134127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133461832735916,0.06926378907162932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622226448706252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183299753305683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742706018000522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139299467141735
suicidewatch,BlessedAreTheMeek88,2018/03/07,"On the edge I've had depression for a number of years. Had a breakdown last year and have been on antidepressants for almost 12 months. I have a high paying job which comes with little thanks and unbearable stress. Nothing is getting better, I'm alienating everyone and I just can't do it anymore. I have nothing to live for.",3.564247311827959,6.0881868225806475,4.2367741935483885,83.09182795698926,75.93548387096773,7.359139784946238,26.46236559139785,8.344100000000001,2.0262817204301067,261,10,47,5,6,83,47,62,0.146,0.789,0.064,-0.7183,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,13,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,8,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,30,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23519661498214425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329360862651132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077307034842452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202326793929518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230027165336092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244362101730757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227141787042062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481617411963089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23308039673518094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145710275154956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540968690833106,0.20740177649077854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747755891106332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507439845831032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26905221400641505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624431337006414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025077531738038
suicidewatch,maria_survivor,2018/03/07,"All my life I've dealt with people that do not hear me. In a way, I've given up hope on changing people's mind even though I've changed some. The thought of having to sell services out there is killing me. I dread having to sell myself simply because I keep thinking I'll be unable to ask people for the payments that I want because somehow I keep undervaluing myself.

After hurricane Maria I never received any sort of fucking help. Neither from the government, or from any other of those fucking agencies. Not even from the unemployment department.

Now I'm at the last bits of my savings, without a job, just having enough to start my own business, but the thought of killing myself is becoming strangely more welcoming than ever.

I'm not going to kill myself, I gave up on that 15 years ago when I was 16. But wanting to kill myself more and more everyday keeps paralyzing me.",6.679107142857141,7.042424886904763,6.7655714285714295,76.47942857142857,65.01190476190476,8.862857142857143,35.25238095238095,8.548686976883017,2.96973380952381,703,31,123,9,10,225,105,168,0.08800000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.111,0.5998,3,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,6,1,8,0,8,3,0,0,3,28,27,6,4,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,0,2,3,6,7,0,0,5,1,18,3,26,21,9,21,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,5,10,90,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036718280127696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169336892405069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639643587561367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179557733790422,0.13750725212371395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592846048873006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26342197907257164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286481274959814,0.0,0.16447026537288667,0.11262293374302874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23020784442176365,0.0,0.0,0.07075970986495045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032747110509858,0.0,0.08345384264868679,0.0,0.0,0.12366269233432195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355313453372145,0.3320003397323763,0.5509903969570885,0.0,0.0,0.10148912351721702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794237032927242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571571092392325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602681243503858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589506466760318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812608828811952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977850859255736,0.12232665257228385,0.19768793889252076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687389704054624,0.09882718040496948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001947808150536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017787349109852
suicidewatch,hawtcheeteo,2018/03/07,"Pondering Suicide i’ve been contemplating ending all since i was in 3rd grade, and now that i actually have access to the materials i am feel as i am a danger to myself. I’m going through an emotional roller coaster, with new meds, friend relationships spiraling out of control, and my parents incessant need to bombard my life. It feels like they don’t want me anymore, it feels like i’m not wanted by anyone, some times i don’t even want myself. i’ve created several plans, but i’m not sure if i want to cause that kind of pain in my ‘loved ones’. i don’t think i’m ready to leave, but i don’t think i’m willing to continue this pain fest. ",6.155921483097052,5.3745662061068735,7.2017011995637965,76.76213740458016,66.32824427480917,10.844492911668484,33.218102508178845,10.290406445055957,3.1389904034896405,507,19,105,11,7,172,84,131,0.142,0.7390000000000001,0.119,-0.8431,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,2,9,1,0,3,0,10,4,0,2,2,25,27,6,1,6,5,1,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,3,15,6,15,24,2,9,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,7,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.15697962171569058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595334180650837,0.11247953568617147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525117960879984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042215185513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809498441388667,0.14247736006774514,0.0,0.0,0.10624885882713694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401233560510502,0.229841907103584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428278108551186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142246359298054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751463485497156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033127449859,0.0,0.0,0.11362268394052225,0.15717961176046058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518563603670245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868314196386853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927828536899547,0.0,0.15536302073783545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090053058847409,0.0,0.3423403216891588,0.0,0.1786199373619548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270725313525073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173002555044007,0.0,0.1330679923714536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595861646407482,0.0,0.151611993834595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614973722265328,0.0,0.0,0.09380083068810928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379525962742807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ratomanocu,2018/03/07,"need advices for my problem almost perfect life studying medicine, very smart, a sweet GF, good finacial condition, a loving mother, good friends. But i cant accept the way our world is right now i dont know how can anyone see other people that cant even have something to eat when they are hungry or see all the suffering in our world and act like that is a normal thing, people that hating each other by the country they live in or by the skin color. i think of suicide every week i even planned the way i feel like the only thing that keeps me from doing it is courage. i dont wanna live in a world like that. (first time writing in reddit)",5.143895348837209,5.473507759689928,5.4258817829457415,84.88207848837213,68.30232558139535,7.380232558139538,27.752906976744185,6.6274283507984215,1.2443558139534885,507,15,100,3,8,161,86,129,0.107,0.669,0.224,0.9468,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,2,0,2,3,5,15,1,0,10,0,11,4,1,1,2,19,20,6,1,4,3,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,10,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,6,12,12,11,20,2,16,0,1,3,1,9,8,0,3,8,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199014206213082,0.0,0.0,0.15574905333247455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875593529529376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645792555754704,0.0,0.0,0.15915442252782286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546304614988792,0.0,0.13104765314875289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864479412612219,0.11111653077430624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323007249129116,0.0,0.0,0.12016843789049207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26091614798050805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356178461661735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138249510673064,0.0,0.0,0.0854797344422918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986123997871616,0.2279643436747621,0.0,0.2746861841558783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037931026554654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532961446353923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239442530182873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829382015716695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156612262523159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148829064387302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328287844490511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788763705554184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197409156316062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013356065239368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066653555137659,0.09966260682779944,0.0,0.0,0.09069558307409516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833531538451648,0.0,0.24691798827433434,0.12476337291774026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AcrobaticPalpitation,2018/03/07,"Shitty financial and life situation only getting worse. Thinking about ending it today. Basically I got a degree in the economic equivalent of underwater basketweaving at the height of the recession.  I have gotten nothing out of it except debt, debt that interest is only increasing on since I cannot afford to pay it down meaningfully.

I am approaching 30.  I've only ever held part-time retail work in the several years I've been in the workforce.  I am drained.  I come home every day hating everyone else as well as myself for how bitter it makes me.

I've been trying to get other work for several years now and have accepted that I'm not getting anything.  I don't see any point to living my life the way that I am - I'm becoming more indebted, more apathetic, and more tired by the day.  I don't see the purpose to living.  If anything, it's better for me to end it sooner.

Sometimes writing this down makes me feel better, but today it's only made it worse.  Thanks for reading, I suppose.",4.437438596491226,6.249266463157897,6.11842105263158,73.75728070175441,71.21052631578948,9.066666666666666,29.508771929824558,9.558583805096642,3.0560771929824564,788,32,134,19,15,270,113,190,0.126,0.799,0.075,-0.8261,4,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,2,0,9,0,11,3,0,4,1,20,29,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,13,5,0,1,4,1,4,3,4,2,1,0,6,4,15,6,25,23,4,24,0,0,2,0,1,10,0,1,10,86,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177992634026819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792505207973105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281610156196996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212717799619598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359207783658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511361020234718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046057315662504,0.0,0.2130267313835072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878072810853226,0.10132300083416088,0.11491218193125488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060806327693624325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884903601508139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618173473608654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873040422283075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062911396813855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988431677399082,0.0,0.0,0.2123809759093224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379153173700972,0.16054700931734467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539130588796133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658481338801378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022827222518712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368318476067572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029107675438495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166096189182968,0.0,0.0,0.27171582431653746,0.0,0.0994791012873125,0.13517562982528908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189387642261961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071790002342996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705681217568504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821949303912462,0.22798205581138298,0.0,0.0,0.0816476499889297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954556259908413,0.0,0.0,0.1081268637148193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750992887197295,0.0,0.2451074383799999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548851049548397
suicidewatch,piltown,2018/03/07,"Survived a suicide attempt,not sure what to do now. I tried to commit suicide a few days ago and survived,I don’t think I really want to die in general but in that moment I truly did and I acted on it and I’m alive and now I’m unsure how to move forward,I lost a very special person due to my increasingly erratic behaviour and declining mental health,I understand that she has to do what’s best for her and I need to do what’s best for me which is us not talking  but I feel so lost and each day feels greyer and greyer and I just don’t know how to get on with things,each day is full of shame and bad feelings  and part of me wishes I did die but I’m also grateful that I get to live and know that I have a better life than most,I just find it hard to focus on anything good right now,my mind is awash with bad feelings and thoughts and i feel worn out. Not sure what my question is,I’m just venting and hoping itl make me feel better. I miss my special person and I regret pushing them away and feel like I will regret it for the rest of my life,you really don’t know what you have til it’s gone.",1.8864192909050883,3.103099531380757,3.633781105483376,91.4146487557807,76.69874476987448,6.370491081259635,22.20237833076415,6.8360192770164,0.4287020920502087,864,23,197,8,19,290,118,239,0.177,0.606,0.217,0.9062,0,1,0,0,0,4,13.0,1,1,1,7,10,19,0,1,5,0,15,1,0,3,3,58,43,25,4,6,8,0,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,14,21,0,0,15,0,0,5,5,8,0,0,7,8,26,11,27,35,8,23,0,5,0,0,9,9,0,2,10,125,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048381778501816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065126042069414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328285237017883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650229048452628,0.0,0.1892961113942801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379215907278911,0.20050946446567894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931695632873546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529258180029566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012156461115883,0.08098200302052523,0.0,0.0,0.10360591117950106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844832680784785,0.0,0.0,0.09507816765256293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015452798575531,0.0,0.0,0.12049280269601492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258871639136372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868935269458584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013428795515028,0.05538032621968318,0.0,0.10009598589875868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474843165019125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566643439654434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142368267759038,0.0,0.11445788746768085,0.0,0.0,0.12048016396553995,0.0,0.08405250885498278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275418967692815,0.0,0.0,0.1979572834243688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698537459708875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452383266731616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680594731052436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798752132802765,0.0,0.2136745747959306,0.0,0.0,0.09111176970765908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263435486080277,0.0,0.0899925064941588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696171455062945,0.0,0.0,0.11800825524766442,0.1363540752209119,0.0,0.0,0.09353109591963732,0.06686068056195328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303545364555138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,landofsorrow,2018/03/07,"Husband cheated on me and left me with our 1 week old baby I am not sure if this is the right sub, but here it goes. My Husband cheated on me when i was 9 month pregnant with our planned baby. He started with an emotional affair, which turned into a full blown relationship next to me. I went through panic attacks and suicidal thoughts before giving birth. I kinda had still hope that seeing his baby would make him wake up. it didn't. He kept going with his affair, and broke up with me two days after I gave birth. As i write this my one week old daughter is sleeping in my arm, while he is on a trip with his new girlfriend. I was a very unstable and depressed person growing up in horrible conditions, but over the years i fought it and got better and better before I met him. Now, I am crushed. I feel ashamed, not enough, replaced, ugly, not worthy of any love. I feel I got kicked when I was most fragile, I feel betrayed and useless. I don't get rid of my suicidal thoughts, and I just want the pain to end.",4.655859728506787,5.0837433039215725,5.2221568627450985,85.57201357466066,69.39215686274511,7.64947209653092,29.90799396681749,7.321109707123232,1.6597342383107092,790,29,162,7,13,254,124,204,0.289,0.598,0.113,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,3,6,15,4,2,7,0,12,5,3,1,1,36,34,15,2,4,7,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,15,0,1,5,0,0,4,5,10,0,2,14,5,33,5,23,19,3,36,0,3,1,1,24,13,0,4,19,108,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335132630571732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616949268778074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336208748103593,0.0,0.0,0.2428161727695946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885306571456718,0.0,0.11823427372363357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441526797610844,0.12158440832093415,0.14184119193316894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082302439731429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172022892556977,0.1316861510984257,0.07801622754597264,0.0,0.2195818192997633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634449268539015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914908034347166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238955413395338,0.0,0.09163175442242233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957114805713628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325805092288421,0.1459929239164076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28809286474083823,0.0,0.0930207129998546,0.0,0.14606968235930115,0.1610619775034392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198627457837502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738137466330709,0.0,0.11723162140957225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938995542248348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737357761242125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716355493464147,0.0,0.10962754483216818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003119128762967,0.0,0.12937953479746894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796114276286305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931517099569633,0.13409718078556407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326578925674395,0.08096802116591773,0.0,0.2202265504474891,0.0,0.0,0.1272547808528566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751582333399292,0.0,0.0,0.08840023841776855
suicidewatch,Synthetic-Material,2018/03/07,"I've failed what I wanted to achieve in my life. I don't see the point in just waiting to die when I could get the materials to end it all in a week max. I've failed to achieve my life's dream. There is absolutely no chance anymore. I'm someone who **NEVER EVER** gives up, but I don't see the point anymore. 

It's impossible to achieve my life's goal, just like it's impossible to touch the sun. I don't have any other goals in mind.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't see the point in being a biological machine just waiting to die. 

The worst part is that it's my fault. I've got myself in this situation. I can't blame anybody. 

**Why should I carry on living**? 

I feel like I'm fading out of existence. Like I'm irrelevant. 

Edit: I'm not going to mention my goals because people will start to figure out who I am. ",-1.123752104377104,0.9412899034090928,1.9033585858585875,93.02665824915829,98.82954545454544,4.425589225589227,18.4503367003367,6.238725200709706,-0.05203552188552242,637,21,145,8,27,223,90,176,0.135,0.774,0.091,-0.8626,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,8,6,7,0,0,8,0,15,3,0,0,3,19,32,2,2,3,5,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,1,5,17,3,21,27,3,21,0,2,3,0,4,13,0,0,10,85,28,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796113143527464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285862668798612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781350768692094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501477684779544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29900900480563136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758839831585408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030438740585756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283763786368774,0.10291165129415676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526186343980665,0.13818897777318714,0.08186876633853726,0.0,0.11521252194519395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791678840433738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052471546937719,0.21113138504485407,0.0,0.1272016350860949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454526902718664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110272617684684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599560262453574,0.0,0.09986836683565972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40853057355363137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443753042912397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192185824507,0.0,0.0,0.12205582837723986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196161267703377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496632321551477,0.0,0.1155508063338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998562771167854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deerbox,2018/03/07,"ready for it to all be over I feel bad for all the pain my suicide will cause, but at the same time I can't wait for the relief of not having to be so unhappy all the time. 

Please don't tell me this is going to get better, because its not. I've been waiting for it to get better for over a decade. Don't tell me to get help because I have tried. Inpatient, day hospital, therapy, art therapy, group therapy, medication. Nothing helps. 
I feel like my entire life is just me being taken advantage of or assaulted by one person after another. I was raped at 19. I was raped at 20. I am pretty sure my dad molested me. 
I've been falling behind in university because of my mental health. I can't catch up and I feel like a failure. 
I feel like I can't tell anyone, that its just going to cause more pain and hurt to open up. 
I just am ready for it all to be over. 
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suicidewatch,ivebeenbetter785,2018/03/07,Was just told my depression is biological and I'll have it forever. Dare you to give me one good reason to stay alive. This was my worst fear.  I thought having it for a few years was bad but now it's confirmed I'll have it for decades. If that's not a sign to end it now idk what is.,-1.04488095238095,0.9748940952380992,1.34156746031746,99.47044642857144,92.17460317460319,5.0547619047619055,17.398809523809526,6.6274283507984215,-0.3602047619047615,220,6,57,3,8,74,45,63,0.171,0.77,0.059,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,11,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,0,5,1,5,6,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677599999990619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762069854133039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28403323197199737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608616945067574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076319046082707,0.0,0.26897678967672983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173056078370468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297193386227981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418093542318964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545894193103816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30642988525350323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651172112971314
suicidewatch,Izzy72203,2018/03/07,"I think im finally going insane I feel dumb. I think i have something similar to DID. My friend online has it but im not really like him. I just have parts of me that dont really feel like me. One part, (i dont have a name for him. I just call him that) hates my guts. Hes been trying to get me to kill myself for awhile now. I think im going to try. Ive been trying to eat the least amount i can as much as possible. But my family makes me eat. Ive been trying to just eat dinner everyday. Im hoping that one of these days ill pass out while walking to school and freeze to death. Im finishing my note, and im getting my things ready for it to be easy for my family to take care of them. I think hes giving me a good week before he'll start forcing me to try overdosing or hanging myself. Im just a dramatic teen. I think the world will be happy to have one less person to deal with. Im sorry this is all so stupid.",-0.0842195121951228,1.5622652975609768,2.682621951219513,94.08588414634147,83.82926829268294,6.246341463414635,16.103658536585364,7.365786028017652,-0.1232487804878053,706,12,173,11,20,248,108,205,0.16399999999999998,0.701,0.135,-0.8141,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,0,6,11,4,0,5,0,20,6,1,1,1,23,39,9,2,1,8,0,3,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,8,4,4,0,7,0,0,5,3,4,0,3,4,3,33,7,24,31,7,15,0,0,0,0,13,2,1,2,10,108,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694004083751965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832805056180667,0.0,0.08315448443060396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525985853329378,0.08408339213581895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117227262058667,0.0,0.0,0.25036459579332226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537724829076999,0.0,0.08247701312098739,0.058265519469310995,0.0,0.08934352005999302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301201458247986,0.0,0.08522206211645285,0.07823849363638567,0.09270332637830993,0.06840753033810168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682070488580146,0.0,0.080522286728831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100614707273998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7047787439811232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023256790113056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969087834865997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444103556425721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995499572643264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579876626475842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664015118884535,0.0,0.0,0.07121387173228548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194512916429468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449712571718464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254171312703487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278783725868206,0.0,0.0912982370315016,0.0577276358298351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132195850342729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418394640027669,0.2612974648336564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768648656668021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542143354493951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bye4ever12345,2018/03/07,"i will kill myself tommorow. i dont want to live anymore. Today i thought it whould be a good day, Got up played some cs won 4 matches had fun. But then i got added on tinder for the first in for ever. She started to tell me how much she loved me and how much she wanted to meet me in irl and have sex. But then i typed realy?! she just replayed with ""No ur an ugly fucking pice of shit go kys no one will ever love you"" and just disepared. I just sat there and started to cry, i have never feelt so hurted in my life. She just added me to tell me how much she loved me and then just to crush me without any reason.... And the worst part is thats like the first match in 4 months. i have had enough, tommrow im dead. Doesnt even matter i just take up space here for nothing... Just sitting here jerking off to girls on xvideos. playing video games like who the fuck is gonna notice. My parents which havent called me in 3 weaks?. My friends? to bad i dont have any.... Im worthless depreesed idiot. I hate myself.",0.2574075579032922,2.2856316728972,1.768602194229988,98.95463835839092,85.07476635514018,3.90865501828525,18.65014221861032,4.3202899421422565,-0.7977709874034948,774,20,182,1,23,249,127,214,0.199,0.662,0.138,-0.9348,1,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,0,3,17,23,7,0,6,0,15,9,1,4,3,29,33,15,2,2,10,1,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,4,0,1,8,12,0,3,7,0,31,11,24,22,7,26,0,2,0,6,20,11,3,1,15,121,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657873902751219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088842049344913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017783571166536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446979787490765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338974120333112,0.07861305879819935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857232188466575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259515101429927,0.0,0.08051138675913072,0.22052444691994105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736993890777272,0.0,0.0,0.0941768143764792,0.2253824149332447,0.0,0.0,0.06927650241196802,0.10224087151144737,0.1949832863346345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034740518420525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049255928295947,0.0,0.2633379419313681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486024616487344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609899393111782,0.11910479465652682,0.0,0.10763670657267624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300486336659599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729650024655873,0.0,0.2688235191756967,0.0,0.09401397654069098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696283134326847,0.1387797975996855,0.0,0.0,0.0826001186060947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353514665342177,0.13200186377290096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253297452746323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251248472506754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255772188724744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165088184286001,0.0,0.21308555802991294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677208259928392,0.0,0.0,0.1155434828385125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379524593874152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750372745543156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twentytwothirtytwo,2018/03/07,"overdosed on painkillers, now whenever i have to take medication i feel sick. i have overdosed on different kinds of tablets before and the after the worst overdose i was in hospital and put on a drip and vomited a lot. now whenever i have to take any medication in the form of a pill i get so nauseous just thinking about it. has this happened to anyone else and do you know how to overcome it? i take anti depressants every day, so i'd like to overcome it. ",5.067,5.9421097000000005,6.124444444444446,77.87000000000003,68.66666666666666,9.555555555555557,35.0,9.725611199111238,3.4399999999999995,363,18,69,8,6,121,56,90,0.138,0.831,0.031,-0.8598,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,6,5,0,1,0,10,14,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,2,14,13,3,10,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,5,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979594998206272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540228374832753,0.2256998724185271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874395483319181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420604764226043,0.0,0.1897243033791392,0.0,0.0,0.2301426372958987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401321284058525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559291802043326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137869681966253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508566883830935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479027090795167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938465404342476,0.12105850784484375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761624170200976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727167367876754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438119141006059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143927966841365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968627911771344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114464146640446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,infinit187K,2018/03/07,"Was this a suicide attempt? This happened a few times but I have been feeling really depressed a lot. This happened once a while ago, and once about 1 month ago. When I feel as bad as I was feeling them I do feel suicidal. But I don't want to commit suicide because of family and stuff so I just don't eat. I probably didn't eat anything for about 1 or 2 weeks each of those times because it was the only thing that I felt I could control.",1.9313043478260887,3.6119188695652182,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,77.69565217391305,6.339130434782609,26.71739130434783,7.1686216300943375,1.232582608695652,344,14,74,4,8,114,58,92,0.297,0.6659999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,1,17,18,10,3,2,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,5,10,0,8,11,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26494037625229205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229769854968978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477676525785306,0.182195360761138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761048301190304,0.1193162607474736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871307955488429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058303441518189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087941793364747,0.0,0.3022468879133561,0.0,0.14348653376507764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642998834555152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704916240710726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192821628842054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31829899498319386,0.0,0.11365640726501094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112237973010454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573555663800107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710738795226653,0.490391701779445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928177897473102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428017986588742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814401291194437,0.0,0.11987233741589505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inovermy_head,2018/03/07,"I have been thinking about killing myself and I am terrified I don't want to die. But I don't want to be alive either. I can't handle the stress and pain of everyday existence but I am afraid it will destroy my family if I do something drastic . There are things I am looking forward to, good things that are happening - but I feel like they're an illusion and I don't have the strength to make it from here to there.

Please help. If you can. I don't want to die. But I don't know what else to do.",0.5841252144082318,2.59582106603774,2.3059176672384254,95.69371355060035,83.62264150943396,6.118696397941681,21.900514579759864,7.348242739294969,0.6148792452830191,387,13,91,6,11,127,61,106,0.168,0.626,0.206,0.74,0,0,1,0,0,4,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,8,2,2,3,0,19,1,0,1,0,17,28,9,3,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,2,15,3,10,25,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523015288945364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820314872147431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542123858309824,0.0,0.11017920677080584,0.15567122218163995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276819551516868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926924820287507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605698437325998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410793596915461,0.0,0.11975477131680334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645727131805993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298513895752888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454531362684556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186605502446306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23919401871718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677537496142833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496091953760293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289532513760502,0.13962458783206788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855776643239163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lallen1138,2018/03/07,I don't think I'm strong enough Today has probably been the worst in a long time for me. I don't know why but I'm seriously at the end of my rope. Usually the thoughts of my family keep me strong. But today I got nothing but so much self hate. I don't want to but I see no other way anymore I've tried talking tried meds I just don't know anymore.,-1.4599300699300706,0.5307266666666699,1.395967365967369,97.68388111888115,96.43589743589745,4.887645687645689,17.34731934731935,6.574015621080383,-0.17568205128205114,272,8,67,4,11,94,50,78,0.256,0.7440000000000001,0.0,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,17,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,10,2,6,14,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,6,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808641796678012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007258893336627,0.19840783092674766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101922136009027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357581209111087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895798438077642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706760617905916,0.0,0.0,0.21105817107761365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993152108513526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329076098893132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115668080303762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842482209186913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702987100759654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301495626725076,0.0,0.2003185772174762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543382785299514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303856381364467,0.0,0.15244230879796394,0.11196831631103908,0.0,0.3640247231920398,0.0,0.0,0.2607377416676203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148273186923905,0.0,0.11325828015834707,0.15241641586558555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326804412362382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fernandizzle,2018/03/07,I don't want to do this anymore. I'm 24. Single. Depressed. ,-3.5011538461538483,-4.551252076923074,0.20057692307692496,99.41317307692309,146.69230769230768,1.3,18.634615384615387,3.1291,-0.8515999999999999,45,2,10,0,4,16,11,13,0.361,0.639,0.0,-0.5457,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6887586346134411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5981729199627471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096348386901063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sollyboops,2018/03/07,"Even if my life situation itself gets better, I'm never going to be happy or useful. I thought I knew what I was going to type, but now that I'm sat here at the keyboard, I can't grasp any words. And this is how it always is. I can't think. I don't know how to talk to people. I can't do the simplest of work. I'm too mentally screwed up to even function at low levels. It's humiliating. I have no purpose. 
I grew up in a terrible home, which only served to amplify my mental illnesses that were already severe. Despite being fairly smart, I barely made it through high school and dropped out of college.
And now I'm sitting here at home, trying to do the simplest of work, and I can't. I can't think. I can't focus. I can't work. 
And even if I were to leave and be somewhere that would probably be better for me... I would still be so lethargic. So tired, and empty. 
And I still wouldn't be able to be happy. Because I always return to this, no matter what I do.
So I don't want anyone to waste any more time or money or whatever other resources on me. Hell, I don't want to waste any more on myself. The few people who actually care about me think I'm getting better, but I'm not. I never will. It never goes away.
All I want to do at this point is buy some rope and go hang myself deep in the woods. I don't want anyone to have to think about me anymore. I don't want to think anymore. I'm in so much pain, all the time.

This was supposed to be at least a bit more comprehensible. I'm sorry.",0.6872903225806439,2.500391850000004,3.1120564516129043,91.13633064516131,82.0625,5.379032258064517,20.010080645161292,6.3737218528115,0.07565423387096759,1152,31,258,10,31,398,144,320,0.213,0.7140000000000001,0.073,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,0,6,18,12,2,0,8,0,37,5,0,4,5,47,67,22,0,10,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,17,10,0,0,9,0,2,5,19,5,0,0,8,0,33,7,38,47,10,36,1,1,0,1,2,19,2,6,10,180,50,7,0.09957212695620443,0.0,0.0971680324572621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988031811396004,0.0,0.16570397236868795,0.0,0.0,0.20313738241182924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974975882237916,0.13924629267009184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355129098933886,0.0,0.0,0.06069824439743333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264190363949082,0.10870697368139423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152041956624057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729935230243428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040446532932664,0.0,0.16976740316933148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199276136211376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052034190183528,0.1997579239041212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472223693904533,0.0,0.0,0.10543250536646896,0.0,0.0,0.07033073796680178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421755407926977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006905687153083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319697022857717,0.0,0.2303884882066197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075729089442077,0.10595176343833944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380615510628613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412784452930373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735559392838252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077230838182932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248816138139048,0.0,0.0,0.11192324260735192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146284403736764,0.0,0.0,0.15903685841956952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003230392226393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31900899203633143,0.0,0.07904914648871521,0.11612261593199305,0.1144435122845565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676029381171895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599834777065027,0.0,0.0,0.29365110151810764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174690829672759,0.0,0.0,0.14146636425159884,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skfrr,2018/03/07,"I don't know what to do I've purchased a bunch of otc sleep aid pills with the intentions of killing myself but I am too overwhelmed and afraid to do anything. But, I feel like if I do nothing and just sit here with my thoughts I'm going to get to the point where I do end up doing something I'll regret. I want to go to the ER but I'm afraid that I won't get taken seriously or I will be turned away.",1.4312380952380934,2.4121099333333333,3.190952380952382,95.085,77.44444444444444,6.0317460317460325,22.857142857142854,6.18269132825596,0.1677142857142857,314,9,78,2,7,105,59,90,0.077,0.83,0.093,-0.1588,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,3,4,0,10,2,1,1,0,16,22,7,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,6,1,0,2,1,10,1,12,17,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22975454800730466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623138657350652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472848175013991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116990434949994,0.19945770340375027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917368101048604,0.0,0.3173470818713812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308889046724486,0.0,0.15343883939332267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640108011071106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678961258282895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639304974915276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793976673368646,0.0,0.0,0.2149387482574733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216504655277861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30368511324575465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646770553393071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manitobaairsoft,2018/03/07,"Can't take it anymore I'm 15. I don't feel love for my family anymore, and I lost all of my friends. I can't find any more love and the people that kept me happy are either dead or almost. I push everyone away from me. I don't want to live like this. I can't take it. If I don't post again after 1 month I'm dead.",-1.529324324324321,0.07035816216216517,1.5715540540540582,100.27057432432436,89.0,4.781081081081081,14.655405405405405,5.985473137389443,-0.9766432432432428,240,4,65,2,8,85,48,74,0.244,0.635,0.121,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,11,17,4,2,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,1,11,5,6,15,3,6,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,3,4,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184233522723689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833429500312675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326480704757962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049381255795072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084303356195446,0.0,0.0,0.205631353698803,0.0,0.11029190357342757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936473797405108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685248961696415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220095997887635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656616113897084,0.0,0.1926107282275285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381121180750399,0.0,0.3937374755328984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410742453204014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122226101960806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890601107983225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32800972189778355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865735081376212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doozyklutz,2018/03/07,"What's the point if you aren't good enough I''ve wanted to kill myself for like 10 years (on and off). I've always wanted to fit in but my social skills suck big time. I tried to change in college, I really did. I wanted to make friends and I made two and then some people I just talk to for college presentations/group essays. But I know I'm not important to them. Yes, we have a good time when we're together but that's it. I don't feel I connect to anybody and it kills me. I just want to have a friend and be loved. I'm always for them even if I don't want to because they don't give a shit about me... And on top of that my grades aren't very good either. I've just been given  a test back and I got the lowest grade... Everyone got like 12/13/14 out of 15 and I got 9'5/15. I am so stupid... Even if I didn't fail I am just sick. Those people were like woah I didn't study that much and I'm like stfu. I'll never be good enough. I've tried to off myself twice but I didn't because I am such a chicken shit. Once I tried to cut my wrists and the second I wanted to jump off my sister's apartment. I wish I had done it. I try to give life a chance but there have been too many chances already and I am so tired. People always think I am stupid. They don't say it but I can feel it. They just don't want to be rude. I wish I could be sleeping forever. I don't want to socialize because I suck at it. I am just not made for this world. I don't buy that you're important, you matter bullshit because it's not true. No one would give a shit. The only thing I''ve wanted to do for many years is to go to San Francisco or anywhere in the USA because it's my favorite place on earth and I don't want lo leave without having seen it. But I have no money and honestly once you're dead it doesn't matter whether you haven been to X or not. You just don't exist anymore. Period. I just hope I can build up the courage to do it quite soon.  ",-0.27556419437340196,1.638543792941178,1.7012608695652176,99.32128260869568,86.36470588235294,4.730946291560104,16.768542199488493,5.922688038783598,-0.6919585677749365,1492,32,369,11,46,493,184,425,0.155,0.6509999999999999,0.194,0.8756,1,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,1,4,5,4,19,27,11,0,13,1,44,9,5,3,2,69,79,30,3,18,27,1,2,4,2,1,3,1,0,0,19,15,0,0,4,0,2,2,23,12,0,4,17,4,55,15,41,56,5,31,0,1,1,1,21,19,5,7,14,233,74,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862108578209316,0.0,0.1950142006427118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747718968505163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007189343304632,0.0,0.2381157885027301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264395228878951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062374992185074474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799471239783929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144423101294714,0.0,0.10319923046859143,0.0,0.0,0.07465003429302401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900284149642971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071553059584846,0.0,0.0,0.22482858233266745,0.044399196351315035,0.2621040249619822,0.18744670083908288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759393260321226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728634195142761,0.0,0.042934449675532935,0.0,0.0,0.08272115412358341,0.0,0.0,0.05518070347237936,0.15266813364482507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050920866104342,0.14784405976218054,0.05214782083918675,0.15840925954390142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057429516965487475,0.0,0.06025340279703481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639724711632958,0.05293828003649823,0.05941618913069072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248230283889376,0.0,0.08162208220705454,0.0,0.07385164478037295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309360484225448,0.0,0.0,0.05004770145929596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212667830715528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405769258589747,0.0,0.0,0.07817958696224299,0.1592734616517463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279244265900333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051901561018373295,0.05005817115949685,0.0,0.0,0.09110849425758827,0.08979108848100842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216200995172813,0.0,0.07631498275596121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445979477966242,0.4607906820160762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967557390196834,0.07530794548894293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549645661878204,0.0,0.0,0.10061751680317384
suicidewatch,icecreampie3,2018/03/07,So turns out I'm so much of a failure I can't even kill myself right LPT: twine leads to lots of burning and cutting and not much suffocation,11.311,5.360392100000002,10.663333333333338,72.04500000000003,61.33333333333334,13.333333333333336,43.33333333333334,8.841846274778883,3.7903333333333338,113,4,25,1,1,37,25,30,0.159,0.723,0.118,-0.0838,0,0,1,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,17,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259926016028444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353879360086341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345692039097665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785866999006447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360765588042133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42805284309919867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idontknow899,2018/03/07,"Why is wanting to die a bad thing If I don't want to live anymore and would be at peace when I'm dead why is it so bad? Why is it considered selfish? If I hate waking up every morning why do I need to keep living? If I won't contribute to society at all when I'm older what use is it? Sure ""everyone"" will miss me. For a few months. It's better than living the rest of my life wanting to die and making everyone around me regret knowing me. ",0.6336458333333326,2.3111092395833346,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,81.60416666666666,6.3500000000000005,22.125,7.3871296695380915,0.7796125000000003,341,11,77,5,9,120,62,96,0.287,0.636,0.077,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,3,0,10,2,1,2,2,18,22,8,3,9,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,12,18,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495567167408571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424723696903182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518295278160246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337358962927345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31302079761144125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705859460213084,0.2881987351074793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888740140836468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404122934283136,0.0,0.0,0.08287775220875303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651709067310333,0.0,0.0,0.3994872057249063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066261956070874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203700492392474,0.0,0.0,0.11181900917454413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213067262927134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018725629036082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024595037730674,0.0,0.0,0.2668437321510163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443074183104627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712659914996657,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Waterloose1,2018/03/07,"Somebody at my university has died by suicide and I want to be next, but I am worried about my parents I'm currently in university and I am thinking of committing suicide myself. Somebody at my university jumped off a building recently and it has brought up my suicidal thoughts again. But I don't want to jump off something like the man who killed himself. I'm not sure on how to die without leaving a mess for somebody to clean up.

I mostly worry about my parents. I don't think any of my classmates or professors would be sad for very long. I am not close to them. But for sure my parents would be devastated. I would not want them to fall into depression or even take their own lives. But I am having trouble continuing myself. I can't do this anymore. Everything stresses me out.",3.3653477443609034,5.651070703947369,4.636390977443612,81.15973684210526,75.51315789473685,7.5007518796992505,32.56766917293233,8.418075326091056,2.809787969924812,625,33,115,12,14,206,89,152,0.33,0.5920000000000001,0.078,-0.9953,4,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,3,0,5,9,1,1,3,0,17,0,0,1,3,30,27,10,6,6,10,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,6,0,0,2,0,24,3,25,19,2,21,0,2,0,0,9,11,0,3,7,89,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963214919016252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071547749259566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135237439164074,0.0,0.2735862615638361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705618222864538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845813834577135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582307718352305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395628210568541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439343008054739,0.0,0.1163865276587034,0.1166435758755836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017647156216198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390626870247368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130141869510843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147018811203046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509825686015052,0.0,0.0,0.4325209385406891,0.0,0.2484499411854704,0.0,0.09910121030455607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891107620497972,0.0,0.10463871505049384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875320707875367,0.2332266087685344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705564171325145,0.0,0.0,0.26770943610824777,0.0,0.28089218990363723,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwanttobecomedeath,2018/03/07,I've fucked up in ways I can't fix... I need someone to talk to. Please.,-3.912549019607845,-2.690788529411762,-0.8858823529411772,111.50686274509803,110.76470588235294,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.2422392156862743,53,1,16,0,3,18,14,17,0.249,0.621,0.13,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308832292562896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455922375241645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116156170712035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949078694868102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746172575572044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699524205019784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emailioaddresstavez,2018/03/07,"Does it ever get better? I can't take it. I just need somebody to talk to. I feel so bizarre coming to reddit to talk about this, but I literally have nobody else. 

I grew up in a severely cold and abusive home. My dad has BPD and gets into these blind rages that turn violent, and my mom's never done anything about it. I'm 22 now and I still live with them (I'm in college and I can't really afford not to, but it's taking a toll on me). 

When I was 15 I got involved with a 25 year old man who effectively destroyed 5 years of my life. He was the most insane, violent, disturbed person I've ever met. That ended in a restraining order. 

After that, and multiple hospitalizations for being suicidal from his psychological torment, I pulled myself out of it. I had a total """"""glo up"""""" in every aspect of life. I started hanging out with friends constantly, I got really healthy and did a lot to improve my appearance, had a waitressing job that was actually really fun and really lucrative. Then, I enrolled in college studying my passion. After that, I got an internship in the field of my dreams (ha). Life was good. I was still down sometimes over what happened/my home life, but I fought through it. I even got a cat to give me something to nurture, and she's been an angel. 

I took this time off to stay away from men, I really needed to heal. Then I became friends with a coworker, who started to help me out with my occasional bouts of depression and offered me somewhere to sleep when things got bad with my dad. I definitely should've seen this coming, but eventually it became intimate and I fell in love with him. There was reciprocation, but then he told me he didn't feel as strongly as I did, but still wanted to be together... and ghosted me.

A week before that my oldest friend died of a heroin overdose, and not a single one of my othee friends checked up on me during this. Since we worked together, I had to stop going to the place I loved most, since him icing me out was extremely painful. 

I find myself alone, my therapist on maternity leave, and unable to afford my antidepressant copay. I have no idea what to do. I know this all sounds petty, but it has built up so much over the years, I feel like I've snapped and I'm ready to die. I can't keep going.",3.0589192982456126,4.8803938533333335,4.70930994152047,82.39126315789477,74.91111111111111,7.759064327485379,25.842105263157894,8.532816995589336,1.839466666666668,1774,63,350,34,38,598,231,450,0.182,0.674,0.14400000000000002,-0.9657,3,1,1,0,0,0,67.0,1,0,1,4,15,23,5,1,18,1,25,11,1,1,5,62,61,31,4,3,10,3,3,1,4,0,7,1,2,3,25,30,0,3,7,1,1,10,8,9,0,1,25,7,59,14,66,34,7,63,1,1,2,3,32,25,0,4,27,243,84,4,0.0,0.1026471808614656,0.08454233413647355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972674669084194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129244014214392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139554029971563,0.0,0.07233581171576396,0.0,0.0,0.07371919429777285,0.0,0.0,0.07662077557741252,0.0,0.0,0.10911255120380796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492551232047094,0.0,0.0936206290217036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461777894945293,0.0,0.17982492899467414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581403958017598,0.08865671022262389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237163080830243,0.0,0.07673205254339069,0.0,0.0,0.05722097190966149,0.1567309133595133,0.07299292228132813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141433381404394,0.061891381494434086,0.0,0.0,0.07918195073865643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677330035861926,0.0,0.09052542921152322,0.0831072734149376,0.09847225238770982,0.07266452948175507,0.34644581342223263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806897648188555,0.0,0.17380202852762716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779929552231996,0.0,0.0,0.08597092519399778,0.07700432282092064,0.0,0.0,0.04761180733005863,0.0,0.0,0.09173294829714734,0.0,0.0,0.24476876186082486,0.04232501999833089,0.0,0.07649945195541039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365316989532733,0.15638122221827824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146475043526797,0.0,0.0,0.0636859938227491,0.12847609832000667,0.06681751895349587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090786039077918,0.0,0.0587054733094388,0.0,0.09218473566285784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564550944062312,0.09051414147122752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27749994901532593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787181530186803,0.0,0.1433291601926785,0.0,0.08669661448370883,0.0,0.0,0.0666951230227054,0.08568328910441159,0.0,0.12264005073525296,0.09234036857817428,0.2075581889100618,0.0724299436866903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476358768553787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302760453279918,0.13926633294512394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058880752275452,0.05755581222097955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051701032045661,0.0,0.0,0.08278254587637521,0.0962536154635954,0.0,0.0942329670768686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109900636303754,0.0,0.06949260794929113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307061904904594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736846030164648
suicidewatch,throwawayMx123456,2018/03/07,"A friend has just told me that she has had 5 episodes (not sure if that's the apropiate word). Any advice? As the title says, today a dear friend told me that she has had 5 episodes (again, i'm not sure if that's the word for it), and that yesterday she came close to the idea once again. After talking with her for a bit (I've gone through the talking tips, and risk assessment guide) she is telling me that she prefers not talking for a while.

I'm thinking of giving her some space, but, should i? ",4.894117647058824,4.709968607843142,4.459607843137256,93.36823529411768,68.80392156862746,7.584313725490197,28.764705882352942,6.42735559955562,0.9873999999999996,386,12,90,2,6,116,60,102,0.016,0.867,0.117,0.7789,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,9,0,7,0,0,0,2,21,15,7,0,4,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,1,11,5,9,8,2,10,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,3,6,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404991633537555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504109728832495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679774792609047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271224287927897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30684457560768,0.0,0.0,0.1904958723753927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241724623211448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148104316683647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791865508090247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743182884940582,0.0,0.0,0.4788328475375336,0.1735675284163787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724193986735186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823046410386596,0.3795030842954266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lucykidman,2018/03/07,"Help,  I made some huge errors and am suicidal. Please can someone mature talk to me.",1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,85.25,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8407249999999995,66,2,12,1,2,21,16,16,0.265,0.34600000000000003,0.388,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29651437515378765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185855506383589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855944774211895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748225701372096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838860212849413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555639533793443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ashnegg,2018/03/07,"Legally Blind New Mother Being legally blind is a bitch. I can't imagine how being totally blind is, I probably would have  killed myself a long ass time ago..so props to anyone who is totally blind and is happy.
But anyways, my son who was born prematurely at 3lbs 4oz is now 10mo and striving. He's such a easy, happy baby. I love him more than anything. He melts my heart when he smiles at me or just wants only me in general. But why don't I ever feel that happiness that should be there? Before him my life was just a waste. So shouldn't I be happier now? Besides that my fiance lost his job so that's been kinda rough financially so I've been paying everything out of my little social security bullshit check that's definitely not enough to live on so we live with my parents and I guess we always will so it seems.. This morning we bickered at each other I told him he needs to get a job soon and he told me I need a new pair of eyes.. So I just walked out. I know he won't remember any of this when he gets up later.. As so he claims but it just kinda hit me in the worst place. Some days I'm alright and then there are days like this I want to get run over. Which I have tried before but unfortunately the people who were coming forward were family.. My body has been hurting. My joints are on fire and feel like they're trying to stretch out of my skin...i don't have anyone else to talk to because e everyone thinks it's just in my head and it makes me feel like an idiot whenever they say that.. I don't know what to do.. I feel like I just wanna die even tho I know things can be soooooooooo much fucking worse. I hate how I feel. It's not fair tho those who are going through so much more worse shit... I just needed to vent. Sorry if I've wasted any of your time. ",0.9879626485568772,3.052414129032261,2.7558517260894178,92.7406196943973,82.44086021505377,5.636219581211092,18.929258630447084,6.8360192770164,0.07206881720430093,1384,34,308,16,38,458,199,372,0.179,0.7290000000000001,0.092,-0.9903,3,0,0,0,1,1,40.0,3,1,1,1,30,19,6,0,9,1,35,13,6,3,3,63,65,29,2,10,15,3,7,4,0,5,5,1,0,0,23,16,0,1,12,0,2,5,8,9,0,0,10,13,44,10,32,44,10,37,0,2,5,3,30,17,4,7,21,199,67,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550069319884608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025749409956201,0.0,0.0,0.13118411938484575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488582503611193,0.09882856983797607,0.07937346248407644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879749196044395,0.0,0.16415058009752814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713870250623847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308662109632306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440976208717636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010407293397523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057497977935639,0.0,0.0,0.09966281461986068,0.0,0.06370698854069726,0.0872482078522825,0.0,0.0921659756119158,0.08668667829156437,0.0,0.09092829157384877,0.0,0.2438503220926326,0.20672037192196446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917021245941037,0.15117977611054334,0.0,0.05481705784676866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625500739109044,0.0,0.0,0.3080313806173678,0.0,0.09522840273401834,0.09898967949022923,0.0,0.0,0.11429851042065398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032560525103979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143151761958802,0.0,0.10671211244596833,0.0,0.15902586566163102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812834607041747,0.18849030165201888,0.09667229474989954,0.17034138171533136,0.0853587966002789,0.0,0.0,0.1052909865647593,0.0,0.08705354347675759,0.0,0.06438382552930966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180964577372887,0.21455836165317366,0.0,0.18631183978919927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335764933310902,0.0,0.0,0.10710080492414407,0.0,0.0,0.06686909167844295,0.0,0.10077395019753088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399377664998287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092636329617974,0.0,0.0,0.0767041297694581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780814207207494,0.0,0.0,0.09900869343864896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832275444508437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797240910731302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752610957960596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407978311520712,0.061803858845573725,0.0,0.0,0.11248626124968776,0.0,0.0,0.1843319512238316,0.0,0.1309719333699846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378219223366234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703477519198355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658982893166904,0.0685181877773416,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhimsicalDragonTamer,2018/03/07,"How can I best support a suicidal long-distance friend on Skype who goes through periods of days/weeks of not responding? So, I logged onto Skype for the first time in months and saw that a friend from Steam that I haven't spoken to in about 2 1/2 years reached out to me in December. I messaged him back last month in early February and we have been talking about our depression and suicidal thoughts on Skype ever since. This person I reconnected with is going through a period of severe depression similar to what I went through a few years ago. Being awake is too painful for him, so he sleeps most of the time. He finds that there is no hope and keeps saying he wants to die or his time is up. He doesn't want to go outside and only eats to relieve hunger pains. He also feels guilty that he is unable to walk his dog and can only let him outside and watch him from inside. I know that treading this kind of depression is a very delicate matter, so I’ve felt confused on how to best support him. Which baffles me as I've been in a pretty similar position before my mom dragged me to a psychiatrist to get help.

He goes through periods of a few days or weeks of not responding to my messages. I don't want to force him to open up, so I have just let him know that I'll be here to listen if he wants to talk some more. I feel some relief in knowing he's reading my messages as, despite it showing him being offline, Skype tells me things like “Last activity one hour ago” around the time I messaged him. I feel like I need to be saying or doing more than just that, but I just don't know what else to say.

So, does anyone have any advice on how best to navigate this? Do I just patiently let him come to me on his own terms? Should I only be sending him messages a certain amount of times instead of every 3-5 days? Or should I employ some active listening strategies I have read about, such as asking open-ended questions like ""how are you feeling today?"" Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.",7.200087281795511,5.949665785536162,7.266407730673317,78.67726745635909,64.46134663341645,10.31426433915212,34.264463840398996,9.255337874911486,2.8295046384039906,1584,57,319,23,20,511,201,401,0.079,0.7909999999999999,0.13,0.9716,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,1,0,4,25,22,0,1,12,0,33,5,1,4,2,59,61,26,3,10,12,1,5,3,2,3,2,5,0,1,17,13,2,1,12,3,0,6,7,6,0,2,6,12,43,16,61,43,14,50,0,3,2,0,50,18,0,12,29,217,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508625028689958,0.14975515078382726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755064383645021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148850193134242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906340145075135,0.0,0.0,0.0751962257724734,0.07896806533803694,0.0,0.0,0.06495223074205696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187776482872367,0.0,0.2659382212945911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276344205456403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895234870795537,0.0,0.2182617112867374,0.0,0.08766654383396874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392028303575843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864339176055073,0.0705638620858819,0.0,0.07481536498162365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764079683667033,0.0711696343384631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084231899144364,0.060345398594734125,0.08110446510038889,0.0,0.07720406724581734,0.07185015518040293,0.0,0.0,0.1305226545947042,0.0,0.04413209866078065,0.0,0.09601251704798358,0.0,0.0,0.09312849437389832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661847331849846,0.0,0.0,0.08389778857636182,0.08318595372285202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508083422833163,0.0,0.08796252640053885,0.1856900538829598,0.13770867942334988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591289529541747,0.0,0.12380335390763884,0.0,0.0,0.07475330887594095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893026557958,0.13484632686967196,0.0,0.0,0.06263344892143245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057239071111527824,0.19272976790043966,0.1797641120169739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375596260533697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593637704696012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462575337659568,0.0,0.16898575597463406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152184893962616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542707826149532,0.0,0.06987447277173409,0.0,0.08453102243813868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847929819328752,0.19171115354738907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357876035317816,0.07383051994802962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561181273717574,0.0,0.0,0.06705975985247976,0.2462757374285143,0.0,0.08006770138195933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696966122564576,0.1992904234687128,0.0,0.13551350849923072,0.0,0.0,0.07830455406775838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000507807677555,0.0,0.0,0.10879184581349267
suicidewatch,frogetheunicorn,2018/03/07,"should i tell someone about wanting to attempt suicide? hello, so i'm new to reddit but i know that it's a good place to ask questions and have a community respond. i really hope everyone on here is nice lol. 

so on monday i planned to kill myself, and i wrote out a letter and i got very close. there's this bridge thing that i have to walk across to get to my piano and guitar lessons, and i was planning to jump off of it. i asked my piano teacher if i could use the bathroom, and i went outside to the bridge. i texted my boyfriend to let him know that i love him, i took the note out of my pocket and i put my leg over the side of the railing. and then i got scared. so i walked back inside. 

is it worth telling anyone about this? i don't want people to think i'm just trying to get attention. should i keep it a secret because i ended up not doing it? 

if you have any advice, i'd love to hear it. thank you ",1.3096018099547528,2.8475618666666698,2.9830165912518867,94.10619909502262,79.05128205128204,5.408748114630468,21.21417797888386,5.900188976854957,-0.013066365007541773,704,19,162,4,17,233,113,195,0.07200000000000001,0.762,0.166,0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,2,0,4,9,8,1,1,9,1,12,3,1,1,0,32,35,15,2,8,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,1,7,1,1,6,2,2,0,0,6,1,30,6,26,25,0,22,0,0,0,2,17,11,0,4,5,109,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152494082824183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106122015734156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911652808221284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29177869568655906,0.0,0.0,0.11999583050897698,0.0,0.09512902013162347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459635550827355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821745232206722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911620644185136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306346280653636,0.0,0.0,0.13089062270907578,0.2496211484596435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758841075331298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499675227579846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387078927945403,0.17265053924391813,0.0,0.17152630462709192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595757043980119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28168950796407755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071784668970362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818813790121302,0.0,0.16304313019904793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156877290233451,0.17481610306895898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997213602676036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623719600511718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322239785281894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069765800135708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727960058294634,0.14367348142931347,0.0,0.0,0.10367528911092992,0.0999930496404154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338164515595275,0.10595036685079076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478048068069795,0.0,0.12876082585352205,0.18408928841553587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466354566497824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CantBearThisLife,2018/03/07,"I am planning to kill myself in 3 weeks. Its enough. I am planning to kill myself in weeks 3 weeks. It's enough. I am 17, very highly likely trans(I am born male). I keep wishing that I was a girl. I feel extremely incongruent with my body. I hate my genitals, flat chest, masculine voice, masculine facial features, body hair and facial hair. I hate being a guy. I am anyway way too tall and fat(I am 5'10 195lbs). I have regained over 40 lbs over the past year due to feeling depressed and suicidal. I have wished I was the opposite gender since I was like 8 years old but I never told anyone. But now I feel extremely incongruent with my body(it has increased since puberty).

But I fucking don't want to be trans. I have failed in my life, my grades have been dropping. I can't ever focus on my studies. I am already a year older than most boys in my class(I am in grade 10). I am a fucking waste of my parents money. I don't want to be trans. I have been reading subs like gender critical, according to them, I am a terrible person if I turned out to be trans. I fucking don't want to be trans. I am a waste of my parents money. I am failure in my life.

It's enough, I am planning to kill myself after my exams get over(which is after 3 weeks). I am a waste of my parents money. I shouldn't have ever been born. I don't live in a very lgbt friendly place anyway(middle east). I am a failure who never succeeded in life.",1.4800942608280645,3.6102858961937763,3.362987710297101,88.70131487889275,81.04152249134948,6.062331464025773,24.152368452451967,7.237678284180719,1.0784317145925308,1100,41,226,15,29,369,133,289,0.218,0.73,0.052000000000000005,-0.9939,3,0,0,0,0,3,49.0,0,0,1,5,5,16,8,0,11,0,40,13,7,0,4,25,57,7,4,7,4,3,5,3,1,1,3,1,0,5,5,6,0,1,3,1,3,1,8,11,0,0,7,6,48,5,29,44,5,39,0,2,0,3,12,16,3,2,23,151,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069210235968608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774805715848553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524690053488948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345160470816203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003412134507485,0.0,0.0,0.17528592262291118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697217195200973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485732320489982,0.26872098601541394,0.0506212623918641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593678100687887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913185249764632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237008265361623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612068597249882,0.3215847903168487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053097758399464,0.1420073428033196,0.0,0.0855560446163715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494557800511467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167023110316936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227561436545981,0.0,0.09249290023338272,0.0,0.08460100582815194,0.10122990071404307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691667236846686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029756698674735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598242900821077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258297945172493,0.0,0.0,0.10538898945656357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988954089752064,0.17144549757545402,0.0769071312643649,0.31087870640867105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283847722354408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718282407156955
suicidewatch,clinch_bait,2018/03/07,"Today is my last day I wanted to write a letter but no one I know would want to read it so I'm going to write it here instead.

I'm tired of trying. Everyone says it gets better but I don't care if it gets better. Even on the happiest days of my life I still wanted to die. I'm not giving up because life is difficult, I'm giving up because I just don't want to be alive anymore, no matter how much better it gets. Living is exhausting. I could worry about the people I'd hurt, but I think it's selfish of anyone to insist you stay alive for their well being. It's my decision and not my problem if and how it affects anyone else. There's no concrete reason for me to die, so there's nothing to be fixed. There's no ""life is worth it"" because I find living unbearably difficult. The better my life gets, the more I have to live, and the more I want to die.

Not a terribly coherent letter, and fairly selfish. But I have to get my affairs in order and no one is going to read this anyway.",2.408809808612439,3.5404835023923416,4.522556818181818,85.90383522727276,75.22009569377991,6.947488038277513,23.110346889952154,7.413659706084162,0.9265141148325357,768,21,161,9,16,266,100,209,0.261,0.568,0.171,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,0,4,22.0,0,1,1,4,15,14,0,0,7,0,14,6,0,4,0,34,35,15,3,10,10,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,5,2,1,2,10,8,1,2,0,1,20,6,22,30,3,13,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,2,5,111,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398024344978063,0.146623192126367,0.10742834081378233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174162944008327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37091529211497737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106898702273367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837119531432045,0.0,0.0,0.1352355330444845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264445032938174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758637712749873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925058298819868,0.0,0.0,0.1001859872676916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582843610995953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738916580293357,0.20115796507721706,0.11917415343409335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224108998398513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057621275988352136,0.08546445711137272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29622669609531216,0.0,0.0,0.27774598033149017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707475167270861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060371066149984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209434462927573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268784302471436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003246050084364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975113485080996,0.0,0.0,0.10780037800114567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337869715414557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117531587453517,0.08373110479312189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718184855405937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050642618594393,0.09938288072210458,0.0,0.0,0.07118436256933515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092079584339025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427021930458973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647741520095004,0.0,0.07448043860752615,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scaredtobreathe,2018/03/07,"I feel so at loss, this isn't the first time. I'm sorry I'm pretty new and this might be a long post. I guess why I feel like this is the only option is I think my life is spiraling out. I lost my father to suicide when I was 12.. or 13, honestly since then my brain hasn't been focused. Thing is, when I was a teenager, (I'm 25 now) I thought I was going to just.. die at some point. I'd wake up thinking, well tomorrow is the day. Now at 25 I realize it wasn't happening. My life has never been more than a constant spiral roller-coaster. My dad left like he did because he couldn't deal with himself being bipolar. Me.. I want to go because nothing ever worked out, I've lost so many people because of my anxiety and my panic. If someone is out there I can't hold on much longer, I think it's all my fault for me being so alone, I'm so sorry you all probably have better things to do but I feel I have to post or something. I'm sorry",0.5388622291021647,2.1671104558823586,2.9424664602683173,93.09004643962848,81.69607843137257,5.667285861713108,21.521155830753354,6.5966054737557815,0.3059843137254905,719,22,167,7,19,248,118,204,0.122,0.813,0.065,-0.7607,0,1,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,0,6,12,10,0,1,6,0,25,5,2,0,4,30,44,13,2,3,5,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,10,3,27,5,17,29,5,28,0,3,0,0,7,10,0,7,16,108,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276658938993273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429777810615217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542453319426564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901832693270393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760507602057312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320622592787046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949605674274529,0.12708132870953445,0.0,0.0,0.12793013873883896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150071129093186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869802374019083,0.08806090529924092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484958022349283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010926049367475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579085684359835,0.0,0.10900328380546884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392833778024846,0.0,0.17413215085833042,0.12044260405454615,0.0,0.0,0.10908609781398604,0.0,0.0,0.26911773166438696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497188031529118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307652271065175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061433329643,0.0,0.0950699607411928,0.11905059811423045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827658177154647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374897525827433,0.0,0.14462551748197586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545678437485367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652575031477053,0.0,0.23610857056482185,0.1254053388844893,0.13290106870659402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196650403968012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444246699750316,0.09489581215684878,0.0,0.4139569411778791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483246163672935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637842558052571,0.23695068557074805,0.0,0.09785904641077924,0.07187711042175668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270519176608506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083049749245398,0.0,0.1112279504626941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973875969697033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wearyend,2018/03/07,"I'm going to die soon... I'm 19, male and I've been thinking about dying since my early years of life.  I'm also not in college cause of bad grades.

So here is my problem.  I was neglected and called ugly since grade school.  I even got bullied by any kid cause they didn't like how my face was.  I have a very dark skin but the problem was my face was also terribly looking while other dark kids had better faces.  I was unloved and even after high school, nobody thinks about me.  I'm just done with feeling worthless and every time I try to communicate with new people they shut me off too.   They even have to remind me that I'm ugly and that I won't get a girlfriend.

I never had a goal and later on I don't see a reason to have one because it won't take my sadness away.  

I don't want to kill myself because of an urge, I'm doing this because I don't see a point in living this kind of life.  I didn't want to live in the first place.  






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suicidewatch,rbh86,2018/03/07,"I don't know how to go on anymore..... All my life I have been the calm one, the one people go to with their problems to talk to and seek advice. I never turn anyone away and in the process I think I have ignored my own problems.

A year ago I lost my younger brother and me and him were extremely close, during this year I have been feeling a lot of feelings which I cannot explain. Like anger, sorrow, guilt and much more and this amhas affected my personal life which includes, my marriage, my friendship with friends, my work and finally financially as well. I have for the most part managed to stay together for the year but now I have reached my limit....I owe people money, I can't take care of my family and I honestly can not for some reason talk to anyone about anything....and now I feel that the only way I can get away from all of this is just....leave the world behind because I don't know if I can do it anymore.

But when I think of ny sons....i just can't seem to do it. Please if someone can tell me, advise me what should I do....

Writing this has been hard enough for me. 
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suicidewatch,keiye,2018/03/07,"My sister's 2nd suicide attempt in 2 months. My sister was born deaf. She can't speak or read lips and only uses sign language. She has been depressed pretty much her whole life ever since she was young. Now she is 17 years old and has said that she doesn't want to live past her 18th birthday. She prays to God every day for the ability to hear. She has been having suicidal thoughts since she was 16 and has a methodical list of ways to commit suicide. First time she attempted, she was hospitalized and put on a 72 hour watch. They said they would discuss a treatment plan for her, but never did and told her to stay out of school. A month goes by and she still hasn't been to school. She attempts again, and again another 72 hour watch. They can't even find a bed for her. I'm afraid once they release her, she will attempt again and be successful. There are no signs that she is getting better and the 72 hour hold is not working at all. I'm afraid she will die and her health care provider doesn't seem to give a shit. Nobody gives a shit. This post is our last resort. She gets released in 48 hours. I don't know what to do next.

I should also note that she suffers from extreme anxiety and doesn't have any friends.

Another note: she received treatment before but it was only for like a week at a center for teens. She hated it because they didn't provide a decent interpreter and she didn't get better. 

We need strong suggestions for places/treatment centers that would help a deaf suicidal person. ",3.6499440715883655,5.37519389932886,3.7847147651006736,90.04349272930651,73.09395973154362,6.577404921700225,24.832774049217,7.1686216300943375,0.9241539149888142,1194,37,243,12,24,367,170,298,0.153,0.732,0.115,-0.9493,0,0,1,0,0,3,29.0,2,0,5,11,9,14,3,2,13,0,36,7,3,1,4,36,55,16,5,5,4,2,0,1,1,5,4,6,1,1,8,14,0,1,5,1,0,2,12,7,0,1,15,8,38,7,24,34,3,37,1,2,2,0,49,8,2,2,25,150,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763982272092021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602196534484192,0.20360675364331934,0.07427069989399633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918286443175205,0.0,0.08261323063610583,0.0,0.0,0.17172976087410435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989858815174804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261258633740106,0.0,0.08362022727765149,0.0,0.10076017836786899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412453899727187,0.0878200529490063,0.08179933571809109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873505497315261,0.08258149728644004,0.0,0.0,0.07500858014271494,0.0,0.15217064361167285,0.1862679160174589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585255188862887,0.0,0.10319812208953927,0.1094232367518372,0.0,0.0650748531993322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824415184287488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335605275434757,0.07913823503627147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857487513510876,0.04743142775918181,0.0,0.08572891942362079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498660439235218,0.0,0.07136954962796348,0.07198820906035308,0.0748788854303077,0.0,0.10325230658036057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187566628526272,0.10339366595371276,0.0,0.14767690494125685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267979167245603,0.0,0.08477195088108441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298177082751574,0.0987715986150808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759847612706092,0.0,0.0,0.09711250249514077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470247371185114,0.0,0.0,0.1965128950480389,0.0,0.08838365710822738,0.0,0.0,0.19931523899987166,0.16062146474428887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348100300117087,0.07753318835606332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247863097226874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707562165150808,0.05661176121639331,0.0,0.0,0.09277005290514424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385133059433726,0.0,0.0,0.05726397362529224,0.07706253005065801,0.07787671722007293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839330817983707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067993142754975,0.0,0.0,0.13793454391094814,0.0,0.0,0.06252034875412615
suicidewatch,disc0rd_now,2018/03/07,"Don't know what to do any longer I'm panicking. I'm probably going to lose my apartment, which I got in August. This because I'm stupid and can't handle money properly. I've got nowhere else to go. This will in turn make it so I'll lose custody of my daughter (50%), and already she seems to rather be with her mother and her mother's boyfriend more than with me.

Not only that but I've got no job, no education, I'm lonely all the time, the divorce I went through almost two years back has also been rough on me. Everything combined just makes everything into a shit show. I'm digging myself deeper down for every day. I've asked for help but not sure the help will aid me. Like icing on top of the ""cake"", I'm also waiting for an appointment to a psychiatrist, which will take MONTHS to get.

I'm feeling like an utter fuck up who could just end his life, because it won't get any better... ever.",3.111102484472049,4.380899706521742,4.4139751552795055,86.8254347826087,73.67391304347827,6.9962732919254655,25.099378881987576,7.447530270364453,1.1198770186335412,702,22,146,8,14,232,119,184,0.147,0.763,0.09,-0.8818,1,2,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,8,10,3,0,8,0,11,3,1,2,3,24,36,8,0,2,7,3,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,3,1,1,3,7,6,0,1,5,2,12,4,22,25,2,20,0,3,0,1,12,9,2,2,10,82,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442181390408278,0.0,0.1589328611552571,0.2303501361767097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958810334034994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346419780118562,0.0,0.0,0.1107447268203575,0.0,0.175590056795795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737655888633534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499057338116117,0.0,0.0,0.09288286142177184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031265963942313,0.0,0.1275615488828839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027696642588169,0.12134551227375183,0.0,0.2588770074562832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282231006506858,0.10288999478369228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331468583793889,0.1504920509845584,0.0,0.16370307609664606,0.0,0.3455648305964977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930710397166644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292051382881335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915122412112327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017276397091569,0.14072463666817867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222495905019458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227281988537184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495771170058455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953591202046714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552810548506416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111304699817386,0.0,0.0,0.14783744616067598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573988704989665,0.0,0.10828730350317492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398091629004824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156655567493881,0.14068945449553533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351067930925986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274603125444676
suicidewatch,slappyffbe,2018/03/07,"I used to only have suicidal thoughts while intoxicated...I have been sober several days and they are getting worse. I'm a recovering alcoholic, 34. I've been doing alright lately...drinking less. Started on anti-depressants in January (Prozac) and ADHD Medication (Vyvanse). I also take Seroquel for sleep.

I think a combination of drinking less and the meds brought me out depression in late January, but then I relapsed. I started to want to date again, downloaded Tinder/Bumble/PoF. Not having much success. I think I'm alright looking, not 10/10 I can admit but I have female friends that have said I'm attractive. My biggest flag to most is my mental health and addiction issues.

I'm just starting to feel like even if I successfully started dating someone, I'm too fucking damaged for anyone to love me. I never dated during my 20s. Just fucking isolated and drank. Too afraid of rejection. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever and if that's the case I'm planning right now on trying to seriously hurt myself this upcoming weekend. I tried to kill myself via blood loss before and know what to do this time to succeed. I will be able to push myself over the edge with a certain combination of drugs and alcohol, and cutting.

I actually did go out with a girl from Tinder Sunday but ended up drinking with her. Likely fucked it up. I'm terrified of sex sober.

I really don't know what I'm looking for here. I'm not even looking to be talked out of it. Just looking for attention maybe. If I had a gun I'd do it this morning but I don't.",3.1808916753744327,5.641302932659932,4.892353419249972,78.22787878787878,76.91245791245791,7.598235225821433,29.433298502264012,8.53829466247534,2.6643283176593524,1229,57,214,26,29,415,169,297,0.187,0.6990000000000001,0.114,-0.9765,0,1,6,1,0,3,44.0,0,0,1,5,12,24,5,1,8,2,21,17,2,1,2,42,60,19,2,4,13,0,2,3,1,1,7,1,0,1,10,15,5,0,9,3,0,4,6,12,0,0,8,7,27,12,36,48,4,34,0,5,4,5,8,12,3,4,21,139,37,3,0.10526530408743948,0.0,0.10272375208667307,0.11475471919776573,0.12650843936431094,0.0,0.0,0.22499319369256265,0.0,0.10902310867990694,0.0,0.08418062564741847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360394815816712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957302062241805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788741275506814,0.0,0.1813297043275011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093597692576378,0.12207433321921915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932338150239014,0.0,0.0,0.13905348113805305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645060123020823,0.1504031085461381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132771281607888,0.2919482322189773,0.05499677672048287,0.0,0.119649396305553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189209581741212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268868517440744,0.0,0.0,0.10986962868268993,0.0,0.0,0.1164604626204236,0.0,0.11570211640185488,0.0,0.11874384804454592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542819312636988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35358537475663626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500604677077948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575314657435078,0.0,0.11692602247702835,0.10604371939643374,0.10608266785638712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738211048539137,0.0,0.08118709191238556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005900719476812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743564927057454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989599453082342,0.100131409699239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891983104124305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534132543113928,0.0,0.08919095055446427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29802929612254564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514315742145118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914640824502216,0.08460826404663377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348995128650892,0.0,0.0835688931968592,0.061381045334537386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429364633586726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091542488669108,0.0,0.0,0.06208820368075716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727433793162204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pokekid543,2018/03/07,"Stalemate, Life. It's 2am. I've had a long day and long story short: I've found myself wrapped in that blanket of self loathing and misery again. It happens fairly often; almost on a regular, monthly basis even. So I'm just going to write a bit before bed.

In the kitchen, we have a set of Cutco knives. Very high quality, very sharp. I could stab myself, but it'd hurt and the blood would just get everywhere and my mom would have to clean it up. And I just know it'll stain, man.

In the cabinet, we have a bunch of drugs. I don't use any of them; they're for my parents. But I could gorge on them and see if I die. Problem is, my parents paid good money for that medicine, and it'd be a waste on me.

If I died, a lot of their money would've gone to waste. Kids are expensive. Health, food, clothes, education, time, stress– all down the drain. Waste of effort. Waste of hope. Waste of potential.

That's only a few of the reasons I can come up with right now. If reasons like these weren't a factor, and if I wasn't such a damn coward, maybe I'd finally free myself. Anyway, I've got school tomorrow. Goodnight.",0.9262045123726352,3.0515011746724885,2.4046124454148483,94.81745724163031,83.10480349344978,5.388719068413391,20.02201601164483,6.6274283507984215,0.1127684133915574,855,24,191,9,24,277,140,229,0.18,0.718,0.102,-0.9642,2,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,2,0,3,1,10,7,1,0,15,0,18,6,1,3,1,37,31,15,2,10,9,3,1,1,0,3,3,0,3,3,10,12,2,0,4,0,5,3,3,3,0,0,7,2,20,5,24,16,5,25,0,1,1,0,12,12,1,8,10,112,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339913174083316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099534183286756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386239598269225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608578852858606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526540748759626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367268388506,0.0,0.0,0.08629633587932665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777471656844965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517703848485698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088380197642627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658223917878685,0.0,0.0,0.1618035000908264,0.14671568304902954,0.0,0.0,0.06991016631130648,0.0,0.07604726761789747,0.11223342181857747,0.10702002584317424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832768034855692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422336997543088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137753911026002,0.0,0.13290345418666144,0.0,0.0,0.14324629899648622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353843881919048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945139117182149,0.06537277344023977,0.0,0.0,0.2368351569231742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376041851634325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344300612839974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671657432499306,0.10680581055513312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176848247217024,0.0,0.0,0.2971601867771066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280380328433497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751577908106497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427295021872665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542279426296847,0.10662919082855488,0.0,0.1395929412241282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327882422578587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802564702125829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556881790354967,0.0,0.22081441409056268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851642080369697,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peptodismal-,2018/03/07,"If I had a gun I'd do it tonight There is nobody left to care, nobody left to help me. I can't do this alone anymore I need help. Everybody has ignored me. I'm too afraid of most ways of dying. I just want it to be quick and over with.",-1.9600793650793664,-0.14557494444444075,0.7482010582010581,103.43833333333332,94.74074074074072,3.8264550264550254,15.121693121693122,5.288315135182226,-1.1727640211640211,179,4,48,1,7,61,40,54,0.124,0.698,0.177,0.4497,0,1,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,7,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962813659491441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28370372819626083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916665644175341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296894613697656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383492242967454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6216299380337391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211665030731167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873099674558933,0.22706837622322085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IanGecko,2018/03/07,"I'm a former gifted and talented kid who wasted his potential and now I handle a cheapass airline's baggage for a living. I'm going to kill myself after I turn 30 in November. I don't have anything to live for anymore. I'm not good enough to get full time work in the field I went to college for, nor the resources to uproot and move to a city where it's even possible. 

My life is a failure. I'm a depressed sperg fag manchild and I'm just going to hold on long enough to turn 30. 

I might hang myself. I might jump off the balcony of the hotel where I'll be staying for a convention in November. I might mix some alcohol and pills.",1.7476065162907268,3.545951172932334,3.992650375939853,86.17789786967421,78.62406015037594,6.8393483709273175,25.369047619047624,7.793537801064563,1.4870807017543868,498,19,102,8,12,172,82,133,0.158,0.815,0.026,-0.9494,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,11,0,7,3,0,0,0,12,18,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,0,1,0,6,3,2,0,0,1,0,11,2,19,13,4,20,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,4,5,66,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744733377552754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466805644352545,0.0,0.0,0.13663759621236762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301087085855005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34312947917947995,0.0,0.1096685151901498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867495699326151,0.0,0.18872985456869545,0.1392673138763904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836997665849105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727966942167425,0.0,0.0,0.2932344917893126,0.14694106087890965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284297884557665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647530684627727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718628050802436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697761460723585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681984294912904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612098584273623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392167142008029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087982626636525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,71726362717181817126,2018/03/07,"I'm so empty So I'm sitting here outside my University in my car. I've felt absolutely nothing but the deepest depression for what feels like months now and I think I'm finally gonna put it to an end. I just tried to cut myself but I'm do goddamn useless that I just ended up breaking skin without any of the rush. I don't even see the point in living anymore I just keep getting up because I know if I don't then all my life was for nothing and I know that if I don't I'm gonna set myself back years.

This isn't the first time I've posted here, I did so a few years back too. I didn't even end up getting help because I'm so terrified of telling my parents because I hate confrontation. 

I'm pretty sure I have bipolar because a few months back I had the most amazing day where I felt on top of the world, but then the next day I didn't even get out of bed because I felt so done with everything. 

I even exercise 3 or 4 times a week but it doesn't help. It takes my mind off it when I'm there, but then I get home and want to kill myself all over again. 

I know this isn't all cohesive and it's all random rambles but I'm falling apart and I don't see any reason why this should be different.

I can't even cry anymore, I've been trying to force myself but I just end up screwing my face up and burying my head in the steering wheel. 

Nobody even cares about me anymore, I hung out with my friends today and I think they could tell something was up because I didn't even say a word and just sat in a corner staring at my computer without saying anything. They didn't check on me though, they're probably tired of my shit and I don't blame them. 

I'm supposed to be at home rn but I can't muster up the strength to drag myself back there, I just want to sit here all night and stare out the window, watch the cars go by until I have the strength to end it. 

I'm probably gonna get up and do the same thing tomorrow because there's a career fair on that I need to attend. Which is funny because I don't see myself making it past Monday. 

I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just want someone to talk to, because I don't want to be a burden to anyone I know, I'm not worth that.

I'm sorry.

EDIT: still cutting but idk I don't even feel any rush, it's nice to feel something other than nothing for once tho, even if it is just pain",2.1611988876300323,3.0559683874755414,3.7867633123905655,91.86459032856114,75.49706457925636,6.474837779379957,24.99335667936965,6.5966054737557815,0.6749851272015652,1830,59,426,14,38,612,216,511,0.134,0.741,0.125,-0.7842,2,0,2,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,3,4,41,19,7,0,21,0,35,10,4,2,6,75,86,36,1,10,24,1,7,1,1,4,5,2,4,0,21,16,0,1,14,1,2,8,21,11,0,1,14,15,59,8,52,64,9,76,0,2,6,1,12,28,2,7,35,266,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388750476925346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952554889549158,0.04588849785454885,0.0,0.05400610422827637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185497129150706,0.0,0.360054990902358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691193662865731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239847430004544,0.0,0.07208907891989744,0.08464902963812401,0.0,0.056525145431856924,0.0,0.0,0.06856710401105176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716004562717627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906338469440497,0.0,0.0,0.3901190070295676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898205315103259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955019346932584,0.04688452791286245,0.18903899782288186,0.07189206924161083,0.0,0.055822990394383716,0.0,0.0,0.0507038911425826,0.0,0.17143913700945584,0.0,0.0372978026522902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229644297161313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479388554553005,0.06735307722206893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797788910176953,0.0,0.13166010938935754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833302207082259,0.0726074595565575,0.0,0.18033666851892052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635487030085381,0.03206243799393398,0.0,0.057950567654474885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043807079637588224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662653900826044,0.0,0.1047670000247508,0.0,0.0,0.048662197161988635,0.0,0.0,0.06979593138691928,0.061587263571502425,0.0,0.18891499061912875,0.0,0.0,0.06989148672558583,0.0,0.0,0.06983262787103542,0.0,0.07287192787924553,0.0,0.06264918038891645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203950293987257,0.0,0.12570662122420698,0.06676708684032225,0.14151578033975235,0.0,0.0,0.065974085895413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747632953403082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437975357065063,0.0,0.0,0.1568906276743407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673660144084787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560623914315882,0.10104700465576248,0.0,0.07346497176178332,0.0,0.0,0.05241046204132157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061853443929694565,0.0,0.04934395335889257,0.05274915599415772,0.11472321515584792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436002076454645,0.08410331458561092,0.06447900020314061,0.0,0.07653621952700491,0.07542952515625406,0.062207499954914265,0.0,0.0,0.08911396407807291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483595501017022,0.0,0.05264267881028235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184378000757077,0.0,0.0,0.12652575360917898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452432912059048
suicidewatch,Astrict6,2018/03/07,"Why is suicide not the answer? I've always dreamed of creating a utopia for everyone but I know it's almost impossible to achieve. I'm not a great individual who can be in a historybook. I know my limitations and feel guilty for failing to help others and humanity. I want to live a good life but also want to help others the best as I can. Sometimes, suicide looks like a good option since I don't have the ability to change the world and only dream about it like a moron. Natural selection will get rid of people like me who are mentally unfit to live in the limited world. My family will suffer but also humanity will suffer from me if I keep living, draining the resources that others can use. 

Before I attempted suicide, I was very confident that suicide was the best option but after my family knew, I couldn't do it again. Because of that attempt, now my family is suffering even more and I'm still alive draining life out of everybody else. 

The more I think about this, it feels depressing more and more and want to hang. E.g. by posting this on reddit I am wanting more attention unconcsiously even though my conscious being denies the fact. By writing this sentence, my unconscious wants to be seen intellectual even though my conscious denies it. By doing this battle between the selfish unconsicous and ""selfless"" conscious I want to kill myself more and more since my unconsious always win no matter how long this thinking train goes. Every single thing I do and think is now considered selfish. Because I'm selfish, I will post this. ",6.924870305845914,7.7887566341463454,7.444361207897796,70.08901955090982,64.54006968641114,10.280216802168024,34.06291134339915,10.25414643259724,3.704360588463027,1242,52,204,28,18,409,151,287,0.246,0.57,0.184,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,5,28.0,0,0,0,9,14,20,3,0,16,0,23,2,0,2,1,48,45,20,5,8,7,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,20,10,0,3,13,2,0,1,5,11,0,0,4,4,25,9,28,33,10,15,0,5,2,0,7,6,0,4,9,151,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981676513120814,0.0,0.0,0.1567967247274217,0.16314554788021607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952215986172407,0.0,0.08342036038293361,0.0,0.20576286526488968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370777741342574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844371953631823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189546265444743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425310369852591,0.0,0.08259851372651013,0.0936764146190972,0.0,0.0,0.27725534131849777,0.0,0.09913864080833996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121911600214789,0.0,0.0,0.16445381136259773,0.0,0.10808366928357854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142126664109072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713779934731364,0.1084609371733906,0.0,0.10775468082065796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848970081277284,0.1436844958131469,0.0,0.2596994681781288,0.08675767785917217,0.08232450793601745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879598032387947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455985279585342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679649590392052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877804020433677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219073350639815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969588846428975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829068618306674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42893646417110265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512993859119841,0.1884501477201184,0.1926373084183818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467055655502985,0.0,0.080888944248025,0.34694064957868304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846112280625694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreatAmyTheCatGirl,2018/03/07,"I want to die. I'm so fucking sick of living, everybody fucking hates me and my life is so fucking pointless, if i could grab a gun and blow off my head I could, infact I could always hang myself with my belt from my roof.

I really feel like doing this, but for the last 3 days i've been trying to control these urges by distracting myself from it.",2.3633333333333333,3.9463597777777792,3.84,88.90500000000002,76.22222222222223,6.466666666666668,21.722222222222214,7.1686216300943375,0.6098722222222213,272,7,57,3,6,90,54,72,0.163,0.794,0.043,-0.8148,0,0,0,1,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,4,1,2,0,6,6,1,1,0,11,13,6,1,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,12,1,9,9,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,3,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324603011925202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23352337382241814,0.4987122868617949,0.0,0.0,0.13427716396767958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608740005095567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527639996694113,0.14874409001535255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5774558059706758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055626445027024,0.2136818397691904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971759806910536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706371819494404,0.10172008497014227,0.0,0.18385179152615946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333836033351538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135980551077815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228066819423357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,contactshelf96,2018/03/07,"I don't know what to do with my life I'm at a loss I really don't know what to do, I am 21 I didn't finish year 12 due to my mother being hospitalized and my father walking out on me (had no motivation just screwed around until I eventually just left) spent years doing nothing living with my mum just playing games and smoking weed. Had a few part-time jobs but quit within months

I finally found work in China (ESL teacher) finally made some decent friends that didn't drag me down, ended up falling in love with a girl (first time I really loved anyone, including family) only to realise that what I was doing was illegal (was told that I could go on a business visa and work but you need a degree and a working visa)

I literally just feel like I have nowhere to go. I don't have the money to start university or the time because I would've been kicked out by my mum long before that could finish. I don't even think I would be eligible because I didn't finish year 12. Every day that goes by I just realise that I'm not qualified for anything and I feel miserable. I been feeling really suicidal lately and have nowhere else to go",4.646623188405799,5.2521388217391305,6.037826086956525,79.08471014492756,69.47826086956522,9.089855072463768,28.81159420289855,9.21078282632365,2.336385507246377,899,31,178,17,15,305,128,230,0.101,0.785,0.113,0.4017,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,7,7,8,1,1,8,0,27,4,0,2,0,35,46,10,1,4,9,4,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,8,2,4,5,9,3,0,1,14,3,27,5,25,27,2,36,0,2,0,3,11,12,1,2,20,116,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151443477192776,0.0,0.107703200883805,0.11651106996078076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956663322706982,0.0,0.11136935664727993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899427885738475,0.0,0.0,0.08440686079852985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933356013195883,0.0,0.11592095393045924,0.0,0.0,0.0864450960026784,0.0,0.11027216007598188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233821449500721,0.0,0.19853078903689425,0.0935007958877642,0.0,0.2867455850084283,0.0,0.11132657750997554,0.0,0.14350331459492893,0.10111766903677002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314659364825296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298783406469788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385660075840168,0.0,0.1476384950585632,0.0,0.14220165159358736,0.0,0.0924445112140044,0.06394142383403363,0.0,0.11556955863801327,0.1158248025186508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362488667444799,0.1238419499984268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044672765319687,0.0,0.0,0.09704596306802077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558302112548403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995402417284316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173043398841714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392071358513368,0.0,0.0,0.2515355010527306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263763447010116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316162696375662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386270695919998,0.0,0.0,0.15263452056754834,0.0,0.0,0.12506157946648058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858468951165734,0.0,0.0,0.1859469881097291,0.0,0.0,0.2528475510943465
suicidewatch,whateverthefuckidk,2018/03/07,"Numb and nothing to live for so this might be a goodbye If there was a button to press that would instantly end your life, I would’ve pressed it years ago. I’ve come to the realization that my life will never get better. I will never be the weight I want. I will never be off medication. I will never find someone who will love me for me. I will never have a father who didn’t molest me. I will never have a mother who I don’t have resentment towards. I never had a choice about my past, but I will make a choice for my future- and that is to not have one. 

Trying to come up with the best ways for it to happen. Shotgun would be too traumatic for those around me. Same with hanging. Debating carbon monoxide. My moms co-worker did this recently and it ended successfully. Any tips? ",1.75129746835443,3.9781348101265843,3.347325949367093,88.65238132911396,80.64556962025316,5.975316455696203,20.634493670886076,7.1686216300943375,0.5643278481012657,612,17,125,8,16,202,89,158,0.081,0.83,0.09,0.5263,0,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,5,7,2,0,9,0,25,6,0,1,7,25,32,6,0,4,3,3,3,0,0,11,4,0,0,0,12,8,1,0,1,0,0,3,10,3,0,1,4,3,19,4,18,13,2,22,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,14,102,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349011160007165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706420844167027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397308219656666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435868818969582,0.11323137396991564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205715427070206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267916416022605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170163184617952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688994369732576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132157494963656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086154180477065,0.0,0.0,0.11305208003415501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555130133719485,0.0,0.08546044799388257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897589354978814,0.0,0.13581868984192996,0.0,0.14994618645816596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6912077819030739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284741693682788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675586160917904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221830504977085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264133344615179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847867850911937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692338493717211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551490643863823,0.10162357549232136,0.0,0.15590500652523948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932067418821836,0.0,0.0,0.27284469236057995,0.0,0.0,0.08244657133946448
suicidewatch,throwawayadvice21412,2018/03/07,"/r/Advice's sidebar pointed me here. 13 and it's pretty obvious why I'm posting. I wanna kill myself.  
Like, I have this plan: Take a shitload of pills around the house, and if I survive, give this hellhole a chance.",0.5551937984496114,3.0431794418604667,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,91.7906976744186,3.7968992248062015,23.44573643410853,5.46131890053228,0.4511736434108524,168,7,32,1,6,55,36,43,0.111,0.708,0.182,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139643501834212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860193882878921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082140611676257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37072963274113296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554637226483769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696780518300366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037262672588625,0.0,0.30771041856311904,0.326871059579786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157277307680886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28991746560421433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imyourdadxx,2018/03/07,"Haven't been happy for years I've been lonely for years, grew up with an abusive father and the nightmares haven't escaped me. I just want a friend.",2.253,4.563876966666665,2.4700000000000024,95.165,79.33333333333334,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,119,3,24,0,3,36,24,30,0.284,0.585,0.132,-0.735,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,4,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,15,2,0,0.0,0.5225777588486893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407578070086682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469510984466419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601455198329331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680495989749058
suicidewatch,0ld_World_Blues,2018/03/07,"Why fight to get better? Hey everyone. I'm so tired of everything. I'm just sad, and sad for no reason. I think I have a decent life. Nothing that would bring me sadness. Just stubborn depression being a pain in the ass. I've had depression since I was 16, I'm currently 20. I'm so sick of not being able to enjoy anything. I also hate the fact that I cannot take a liking into anything. I see everyone getting all excited for something, but I can never relate. I've gotten better 3 times, only to then be put in a state where I'm far worse. I think I no longer have the will, or any vitality left in me to continue the fight. Why fight something and try to get better if it may never end? I think I'm going to shoot myself on Thursday, with some piss poor, low round, and take some pills to hopefully shut down organs. Unfortunately I don't have access to a shotgun with birdshot shells. Im so fucking afraid of the pain that I'll be in once I shoot myself. That's always been the reason why I have never really tried to, but I guess we all must face something we're afraid of. If I can get my hands on some weed, I'll probably take a hit or two to ease any pain that I may endure for the following minutes, or seconds. I'm so miserable, feel so lonely and have no energy to do basic, simple things. ",3.0086666666666666,4.089652718518522,4.883888888888889,84.09250000000003,73.66666666666666,7.77037037037037,24.240740740740733,8.238735603445708,1.3664962962962963,1014,29,211,16,20,348,143,270,0.278,0.637,0.085,-0.9949,1,2,3,3,3,0,33.0,1,0,0,3,9,28,7,3,13,0,22,12,4,2,7,40,50,18,0,5,10,0,3,1,0,5,7,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,6,0,1,4,9,20,0,2,4,4,22,8,28,36,5,27,0,8,2,2,5,13,3,12,10,127,29,0,0.10635932759342916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505551584989864,0.0884994808258218,0.0,0.0,0.14465597996056587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504932841472667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821985461719296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321426601274227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420279512682796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326179088874435,0.09558890555194087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377847177146086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832748450875334,0.22227343539282987,0.0,0.06044645692301204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716679040078178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500781635890727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563881083510313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488632515315292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555972063345328,0.0,0.07512473849824285,0.051961795044997684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609261085384385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205464335282327,0.0,0.0,0.11326921269406152,0.0,0.08089106136966058,0.3395214703487162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467334416425767,0.0,0.0,0.1069205008747964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813650874258445,0.21871020577408276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847546137033986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798153487224936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24564181988408226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990693330586355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066041122704379,0.20445228756134928,0.0,0.0,0.062018979238783974,0.12224440097949844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444220036526286,0.0,0.10389760844403184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28791825005378635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838924134926846,0.07555461472418427,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,w0wiwannadie,2018/03/07,"I don't get it I think about suicide constantly, even if i'm in an okay mood. I've had fleeting suicidal thoughts since middle school, and i've been depressed since high school (2nd year of college now) and it never really gets better. I'm on academic probation and if I can't come back to college next semester I don't know what I'll do, it scares the shit out of me. I wish people didn't tell me I was gifted growing up because I'm shit at everything and have no work ethic

It's fucked too because my life is fucking great. I have an amazing girlfriend who loves me like crazy and I feel awful because it's so hard for me to feel loved or love her back. I have a million amazing close friends and a supportive family and they would all be crushed if I died. I know that, and it makes me feel awful for wanting to die. I have nothing to complain about or feel bad about but nothing makes me happy and I constantly want to just end it all",3.4805934065934103,4.478720989743593,4.486245421245425,87.7067307692308,72.43589743589743,7.622710622710624,28.800366300366306,7.957251820313856,1.7254981684981692,743,29,158,10,14,242,116,195,0.174,0.665,0.161,-0.5476,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,10,21,4,1,5,3,15,8,2,2,3,36,40,16,4,7,7,0,5,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,5,5,22,12,17,33,2,19,0,1,0,5,10,8,4,5,10,96,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700523540547106,0.09610132770600208,0.2104864960415868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017940918640204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914601887138033,0.0,0.24875829927808996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913302218398512,0.0,0.2389053778636128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194192823883873,0.0,0.0,0.07602059398675322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034419131309826,0.0,0.10850336664758344,0.0,0.2327863457868622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892378652101916,0.2128109544138615,0.12026703968661212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689503409876976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252307560748955,0.10310445518093483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160647731300933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650878701355212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129653361812379,0.05623066252446948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116390635633549,0.0,0.15365650682894566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877003151196469,0.0,0.1224071439652034,0.0,0.0,0.22087767385473134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979388423771587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373419308131987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523234407677024,0.23296895761299716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362911780157446,0.19041913357697074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517952416307701,0.13061090233478936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059999798473013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374961786354976,0.0,0.09137429494963203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357745835559673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235606303377934,0.0,0.0,0.08379210913771894,0.0,0.0,0.08176172588038633,0.0,0.0,0.07411880261236409
suicidewatch,IisMaybeDevils,2018/03/07,I’m not sure what to say. It’s hard for me to admit my depression in a serious manner. And I wanna say I wouldn’t kill myself but it’s all I can think about lately. ,-1.7647368421052647,0.11194673684210699,1.9687368421052616,94.48415789473684,94.78947368421049,5.145263157894737,12.86315789473684,6.742157984588678,-0.5708589473684209,128,2,31,2,5,47,31,38,0.262,0.6970000000000001,0.041,-0.6839,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,5,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,6,1,6,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070338110504245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31933409385751793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943898745950923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021224910625967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5669709169335292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359761124227855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284165834683512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kennenisthebest,2018/03/07,"Why do we think it's so important to keep living? And in certain ways? Why can't I be free? I think my depression and anxiety get really heavily onset by fear of not achieving what I want. Then it just compounds on-top of personal resentment, self deprecation, more fear of failure, inadequacy. I've tried to learn Buddhist teachings and Zen ideologies but like many people, I can't focus when I'm depressed. I spiral into pessimism and I don't honestly know what breaks it. I talked to a therapist about this once and how it was so dissatisfying to suddenly ""feel better"" sometimes because there was no closure, no lesson. It makes me wonder about chemical responses and whether or not it's all really just my environment and brain.

I don't always feel this way, I don't always want to die. But right now I'm thinking of the things I do want to do in this life and they all seem impossible or achievable. And at the same time I wonder why? Why do anything? Death is seemingly inevitable and I'm a Buddhist, Pacifist, I love taking care of people and trying to help people but why? Why do anything at all? Why is it that when a suicidal person says they want to kill them self, why do we say ""OH NONONONONONNONONONO""? We don't even truly know what comes after death so why do we insist so incessantly on staying around? Is it really just instinct, the drive to continue indefinitely? 

A few things I'd like to do

1. Be Free
2. Be Happy
3. Understand the true nature of existence
4. Spend my ""life"" being lost in the wonder of nature, studying it
5. Help people and everyone that I can
6. Live forever

I don't want to

1. Feel pain
2. Suffer
3. See others suffer
4. Make others suffer
5. Die
6. Fail
7. Be dirty

But does chaos triumph over order in this universe? What happens

sorry for the rambling, this is just what i feel",2.0067112676056347,4.583577498591552,3.8926584507042254,82.96152288732395,82.46478873239437,6.817605633802817,23.804577464788732,7.993328176185818,1.6665619718309856,1432,53,267,29,40,482,182,355,0.271,0.614,0.115,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,4,0,3,7,17,24,2,2,10,0,27,5,1,3,5,65,61,27,6,5,13,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,0,4,25,19,0,1,17,0,3,2,11,12,0,0,3,7,26,14,33,53,6,26,1,7,1,1,17,11,0,8,10,165,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419640143713763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709180294528601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228283853206144,0.06643658906061221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549380090261266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600423640586958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331184511679512,0.0,0.0,0.07609033508540075,0.0,0.0,0.0642872012358943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855754812569412,0.0,0.15490847013211614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653092813747119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049292460547897564,0.0,0.0,0.07131223466647832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795916507634234,0.15094083279311948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389911338366928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599512867000311,0.07944510235794316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004593199881802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663346395209849,0.0825671203931645,0.0,0.08202947472252743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542685779988717,0.07292096966652319,0.0,0.13179944665746446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814675425754445,0.0,0.06735655625350319,0.0,0.09963230887295307,0.07566318218686617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947859399258549,0.0,0.0,0.07941166139145127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695638823535065,0.1303282053864571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342981077438105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373367610157582,0.0,0.11869766181480995,0.0,0.0,0.059470507221809285,0.1358808343642534,0.15571088844763065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381105225652736,0.08354225867675005,0.0,0.07954572988211417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163318887245094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611252841706703,0.05998482718176972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665126894739543,0.09916181108156986,0.14345981549137884,0.0,0.0,0.04351739677106739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133784387560026,0.0,0.0,0.0776925398306501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200937585579097,0.11847575925356245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6060783108174719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279939782206206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TwistedCoconut5,2018/03/07,"Ground rules Just curious before I post, if I ask about painless methods our maybe say that I am considering it, are people going to try and be a hero and jump in and report me? Basically is there a trust that people keep this stuff to their self?",5.4805442176870764,5.787136918367349,6.192244897959185,79.75870748299323,67.57142857142857,8.982312925170069,26.537414965986393,8.841846274778883,1.7614435374149655,195,5,39,3,3,64,41,49,0.0,0.773,0.227,0.8948,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294860704725648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26838606594675274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925169065535765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28034608163677416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31686629270015704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373236436532164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30207040064903345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25082238050530115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32903576291135594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610627828858632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413900533111616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinapplethought,2018/03/07,"I don't know why I'm so depressed/ suicidal I think about suicide daily. I don't know why I just do. It could be because of economic reasons , personal reasons (I'm gay), I have HIV, I hate where I live. I'm 24 now and I feel like I've wasted my life. Oh god most days I wish I was dead. . . and when I think of suicide, I try and say 5 things I'm thankful for but I always end up being sad still. I hate this shit",-1.4014369501466284,0.4255769892473147,1.664261974584555,98.18912023460408,90.93548387096772,4.672140762463343,19.207233626588465,6.11248444174946,-0.22032473118279586,312,10,79,3,11,110,60,93,0.318,0.603,0.079,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,0,0,8,4,1,2,0,15,21,6,4,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,15,2,5,17,1,7,0,2,0,2,2,2,1,1,6,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662942473367462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009616662554327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311021341819295,0.0,0.0,0.10589686618010782,0.0,0.14142715603942616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543445437622646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302559057552104,0.1173061191494116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324231451027241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048252304986795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598090416466965,0.08022092444926174,0.0,0.14499359376479715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337506982870776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33765451864185025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305802186160629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855124845256253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113212777403913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388318263213329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511753691662358,0.0,0.0,0.10908867766576784,0.21042834130646115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148254822409047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29633397852052545,0.0,0.1888244821660086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snife-,2018/03/07,"Will anyone talk for the night? I have steam. but we don't have to play any games, I really just wanna have a normal conversation.  I don't have anyone else to talk to, other than one friend who says he'll stay with my until next monday, but he's not on right now and I need someone. I can PM my discord link to anyone who might want to talk. I'm going to be hanging myself next monday so I just wanna have *someone* to talk to. The emotional pain is horrific, I just need to pass time until next monday. Please come talk, I'm 17M. I know it's kind of grim talking to someone who is going to die, but maybe if I can just have a conversation I can maybe get my mind off this agonizing pain for just a second",0.30664824318989403,2.488151966442953,2.5584366363995272,92.3307698381366,86.38255033557047,5.1166206079747365,16.147256217923413,6.522977012572876,-0.3283331227793127,549,11,121,6,17,186,82,149,0.229,0.706,0.064,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,16,2,0,0,0,24,27,8,1,7,10,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,2,0,5,3,3,0,2,0,1,15,3,22,23,0,20,0,1,0,0,17,3,0,2,11,79,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795091857544117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452582409072953,0.11979771871683136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071569060998868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134385422569753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976711367881451,0.13151856230325173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033162070519514,0.0,0.06108554885783999,0.0,0.13289595281157315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175353919604667,0.06425583194031723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349224586295391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403298247175415,0.11805524088853453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338847325768714,0.0,0.0,0.373035251855498,0.10972091505891618,0.11455616520950195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922759581039061,0.0,0.24882092129594724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834236580988426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490154685272025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984850919438604,0.0,0.0929789814585569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29719622636045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246204993550034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638521988441685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817662901927345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896207788162739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrideOfThePlains,2018/03/07,"I don't have a reason not to kill myself I have a full box of clarityne D, my school found out about my desire to die and they told me that if I mention that again I'm getting expelled, my grades suck, my English is terrible, my childhood dreams are dead, I can't move away, my family doesn't understand me and they often argue, my mom won't let me work one year to pay a good college, my dream careers and job can't be studied where I live, and my ex told me he loves another girl. Even after these few weeks he said we could date, and me sending him compromising pictures because I loved him so much he loves someone else, and my mom didn't let me continue talking to him and now he must hate me. I want to kill myself, I want to die, I can't stand living anymore, I don't have friends, I'm ugly, my personality sucks, I'm talentless and nobody will ever love me. I have been rejected by 8 guys, I was bullied all my childhood, I'm not happy, I will never be happy. I just want to stop hurting.",5.535311004784689,4.445245976076556,6.668803827751192,81.09162679425839,67.70813397129186,9.513875598086123,31.918660287081337,8.575989854853784,2.2746708133971296,775,27,168,10,11,263,122,209,0.236,0.61,0.154,-0.9622,1,1,0,0,0,4,25.0,1,0,2,1,9,17,6,0,3,0,24,4,0,1,4,28,44,10,5,7,4,3,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,3,10,0,1,3,2,1,2,11,9,0,1,7,1,42,8,13,28,4,19,0,2,0,4,28,4,2,2,12,110,45,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242460425878222,0.0,0.0,0.1175092441772105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132431129743994,0.0,0.0,0.07222979162605046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946038210345888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594573978782325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898235121408737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826086375441724,0.10718007967340384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170087931149006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299170672616644,0.09154430367462048,0.0,0.061905609476697473,0.0,0.0,0.099382947401323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732273394307564,0.0,0.2522674771144453,0.0,0.11698335178968446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268449198814815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758204446563478,0.0,0.2621810349031003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423260506899099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209255906950406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277637767179379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27754575795136743,0.0,0.12593505001110808,0.0871030449027602,0.0,0.09138601762101152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029120958591818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346002017079532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182642125713294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271016802851393,0.0,0.0,0.11991718884711955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039534102048048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906210547337968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523696596243407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644262506771254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335122261776565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966363772765065,0.0,0.09504472470766144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862613996158063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630302801761242
suicidewatch,Pizzaboxprincess,2018/03/07,"My birthday is Thursday and I'm going to kill myself because I'm being evicted on Friday. My fiancée and I are getting evicted. We have $0. We have been prostituting ourselves to try to make enough to not be homeless but it's not working. People don't show up or they don't pay after we do the stuff. It's ruining me emotionally because I have rape trauma but it's the only way to make money fast enough. Things were so good. The love of my life proposed to me, my rapist is pleading guilty, I'm clean from a 3 year long heroin addiction and stopped drinking with the help of my fiancée... But I can't deal with financial stress anymore. I want to live but it's too stressful worrying about surviving. It breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be able to live a long life with the woman I love. She's the only person I've ever met that made me grateful I survived this long because I would have never met her if I wasn't brought back and I know I'm scaring her and breaking her heart I just I can't take all of this stress. I died once from Heroin. I can do it again. Someone please help me. I don't want to die I want to live for her but I don't see any other way out.",0.9902409638554204,3.000563959839358,2.8429943775100424,92.41957590361449,82.09236947791166,5.108497991967872,23.21301204819277,6.152001189255117,0.4266975421686747,922,33,200,7,25,307,131,249,0.207,0.615,0.17800000000000002,-0.9088,2,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,3,0,1,3,7,12,3,4,8,0,23,10,2,3,3,36,46,13,3,5,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,12,12,1,1,2,2,2,3,11,9,0,0,7,1,36,3,25,35,3,22,0,1,1,4,18,3,0,2,12,129,48,2,0.10743889053785806,0.0,0.0,0.11712424926213205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306212980228535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655050972246374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261387501668188,0.0,0.19648125138044897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076477851867933,0.0,0.0,0.2230092119300965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052492103142854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085429097576893,0.0,0.22202618830274426,0.0,0.0,0.09718462748405833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056132385929354205,0.0,0.12211999484573755,0.09011464397951968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546312051709018,0.1440280472258231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886521398418695,0.0,0.118091208939762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177453146472442,0.0,0.0,0.2846115261499525,0.2852401116638612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939355868095263,0.10166127599061632,0.14343258742135576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286349578030262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441891199675527,0.0,0.16342423527173625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744845988810395,0.0938114951064636,0.0,0.11793563851726226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075650722943908,0.0,0.08561488559862282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910326233003493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982372328470911,0.3692126583389902,0.0,0.12299182513649384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078067474956556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137762487745743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729439542012087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901107238546913,0.1705599808804714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821679190257119,0.10910940854904848,0.0,0.0763215052657325,0.0,0.0,0.06918712298398713
suicidewatch,DeathIsAnOpenDoor,2018/03/07,"I don't know how I can go on. Posting on a throwaway, since my girlfriend knows my main account and I don't want to hurt her by having her read this.

My life fucking sucks. I'm a miserable pile of crap who can't do anything right. I'm living with my best friend and his parents because I got kicked out by my parents and I don't know how to keep going like this. I have no job, and finding a job has been impossible for me. I have Aspergers, clinical depression and anxiety, and a generally antisocial nature. I've only ever had one job, and I lost that job right before I got kicked out.

I don't even have a social life, I don't know how I got a girlfriend, but I have her. She's my only damn purpose right now, my guiding light, and I worry every damn second that that light is going to burn out and I'm going to be lost again.

The worst fucking part is that when I ask for advice, I just get told the same 10 things that have never worked for me. When I complain about being overstressed by life and by the people I live with, I get called ""entitled"" and ""lazy"". But fuck, I'm trying my ass off to not be like that... I apply for 10 jobs a week or so, because that's the average my brain can handle without burning out. I pitch in around the house as much as I'm asked, and sometimes even when not asked... I do as much as I can to contribute in other ways than financially, but it seems like no one really gives a fuck about that.

God, I wish I could just die... Get hit by a car biking home from college or something out of my control like that. The only reason I don't plan on actually killing myself is because of my girlfriend. But if something were to happen and I were forced to act or die... I'd choose death gladly.",3.9023701102095223,4.185194596100281,5.157001332202976,85.89022405231923,71.00557103064067,7.803366840256753,26.75075693351096,7.586124646067393,1.2838825481409717,1336,40,291,14,23,446,173,359,0.18600000000000005,0.741,0.073,-0.9922,7,0,2,0,0,1,49.0,0,0,0,6,17,23,9,1,15,0,30,11,3,5,2,54,67,32,4,4,13,2,0,4,4,0,4,0,1,0,15,21,0,2,8,2,1,6,13,16,0,3,10,2,46,7,43,52,7,31,0,5,0,5,20,15,9,5,12,199,61,8,0.0,0.0,0.07959257995900358,0.0,0.0,0.07970127562834414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239457616801682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711843599357188,0.0726073201867217,0.22874790106647974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915800233061485,0.0,0.06940310941956153,0.0,0.0855941078827034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091049975612429,0.08328374687191062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147852690022124,0.06512048394757293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024908406018747,0.0,0.16929660371721267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774163804608676,0.07377734410240801,0.06871935891596709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745460343607598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301446699235615,0.3016103876627945,0.12783806840269402,0.07824153865654207,0.1854138687313726,0.0,0.19569733711225834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212485628567061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181316493043307,0.0,0.0,0.09411140030845483,0.08731362516481353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046876519050769,0.07249590141927327,0.09023607972728227,0.0,0.17929699342310748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282859630796296,0.1593879597904414,0.0,0.1440411791032892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780687429092457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991465831599055,0.0,0.0629055108814883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110536812737391,0.1860943394925324,0.0,0.0,0.18112951848618936,0.08832351298691198,0.0,0.05654470284282049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811368669495307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815839010868078,0.0,0.052250596357956286,0.08385914462128116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089600697213135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425082614433462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746878803155107,0.0,0.0,0.08314201364540444,0.0,0.12558056188727998,0.08066673470576792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418605522422349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793582314913493,0.0,0.0553751282338931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810728011377503,0.0647399837056678,0.06542397972872382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937920784930685,0.07862269290209048,0.0,0.059377983125253185,0.08282999675698517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PoonShooter,2018/03/07,"Why is it wrong for someone like me to kill myself? I hate the way I look, I’m not good at anything, I believe I have no purpose in life. The only thing keeping me alive is the small family I have that would be devastated if I died. I don’t want to care about that and I want to go through with it. There’s nothing that makes me happy, I’m just constantly suffering. I just want it all to end. My whole life has just been a bad joke because no one even cares to laugh. Why is it wrong to kill myself, what the fuck is the big deal?",0.5484901185770745,2.2809262521739164,2.339446640316204,96.9105928853755,82.13043478260869,5.5731225296442695,20.019762845849804,6.574015621080383,-0.056826086956521575,409,11,100,4,11,135,74,115,0.301,0.531,0.168,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,15,4,0,6,0,11,3,0,1,1,14,24,2,3,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,1,1,15,7,12,21,2,8,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,1,3,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264988597976606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835018252058986,0.09370657974572318,0.0,0.0,0.17319034430915967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134565550072307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661172320820093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847906828291095,0.0,0.0,0.15953759217433824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615072141337994,0.0,0.0,0.10153092934754568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491399074027606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421121096524357,0.0,0.0,0.08736289306353201,0.1289334480465026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363831273293789,0.0,0.15176715225976714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663382845243852,0.34013787804010304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715464660590256,0.07510006334510394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908649035222616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260961616110792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749894944587474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416497769917238,0.11691135434511947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024686653037132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212505850782658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720049711650927,0.12201616442418944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27741765270074675,0.1716234297609842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091986207729636,0.3361384337555406,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lalesswatch,2018/03/07,today today has been a terrible day for me. i’ve been having terrible days for as long as i can remember and i don’t want to continue with this. idk when but at one point this year i’ll probably just kill myself. i’ve just made people that once cared about me hate me. i’m just an overall terrible person,0.9511160714285722,3.196273843750003,3.2788392857142874,87.83937500000002,84.0,7.4071428571428575,20.080357142857142,8.418075326091056,1.2805607142857145,242,7,51,6,7,83,47,64,0.285,0.649,0.066,-0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,11,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,6,1,8,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464657490506111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117991728733238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23866404620007894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674448358232788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139285674284928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287362497030665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25744072726038525,0.16380642767463902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675891596152974,0.2110743679006224,0.0,0.0,0.22851845774038704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606320677690621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738395268270873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582745275493144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258203227376118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566992333012633
suicidewatch,DanDy1,2018/03/07,"How to re-connect with friends that tried to help but you turned them away? Post says most of it. I'd a couple friends reach out to me and offer to help but I turned them away and ignored them. Now I'm starting to feel better and wondering how to re-connect. (several month timeframe) 
Thanks,",0.8725862068965498,3.4348423793103438,1.4788793103448263,97.37280172413796,90.72413793103449,4.279310344827587,22.767241379310345,5.985473137389443,0.3108206896551726,230,9,48,2,8,70,39,58,0.044,0.653,0.303,0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,3,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,13,7,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,11,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085035208885592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922700953967038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405457900136499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099225212679311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359209675994099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914334281693817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352431552952954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820635696647874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288292390933335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455968779084789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387480795270736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001500696010991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759838133302955,0.4729313018002166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357579145599545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anthony2233,2018/03/07,I'm really temped to shoot myself tonight. Please help...,2.265000000000001,4.741069500000002,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,104.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,0.5769999999999995,45,1,8,1,2,13,10,10,0.223,0.585,0.192,-0.0935,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664826916203101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7639475109626935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458453755648656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,narrowmark299,2018/03/07,"I use video games as escapism All my life I've loved video games. I still play even though some days it feels like I shouldn't be, or I know I shouldn't be.
As far as my memories go I know there'll be some of a game I played at the time. 
But I think the first time I ever realised something was off with me, was in 6th grade, when I finally got off of a 3 month grounding for a poor grade. Only to hop back on the computer and feel different. Like the grounding sucked the life from video games. I still played though, just different games. They never seemed the same though. Now I still play them regularly, just with different priorities. 
Now I've opened up to my girlfriend recently about some dysfunctional family issues that I hadn't realized were problems until now. 
One being a memory of how my dad would say ""Now hes becoming smart"" after I learned to keep quiet when asked about things I did, good or bad.
Or how I'd have to cry nonstop at my door while grounded in elementary school for my dad to allow me outside the house with friends. 
My mom always told me its how he was raised in his family and that its to show he cares, so I went with it and let it go. 
But now I'm beginning to understand why I would stay in my room all day, on the computer hiding.
I played through my worst and best times. after or before suicide attempts, and achievements. 
I don't feel emotionally involved or connected to anything anymore. My chest doesn't even hurt anymore when i cry to my girlfriend over text, instead I just feel hollow. Even dread is losing the bite it once had. 
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suicidewatch,somehonesthoughts,2018/03/07,"I just wish I had the guts Why is dying so so so damn difficult? Why can't I disappear with a snap of my fingers? Why are funerals so expensive? Why am I so unhappy? So pathetic? So stupid? So disappointing? So unstable? 

Why, why, why, why, oh why don't I have the guts to kill myself? I just want to die.
It's really not a big wish, everyone gets it granted, so why can't I have it granted now?

I'm so so so so tired and sad. I just wish I had the guts to kill myself.",-1.8546278317152087,0.0417028252427194,1.9812038834951444,93.08863430420713,98.41747572815537,6.630161812297735,18.51715210355987,7.793537801064563,0.9007765695792878,353,12,87,10,15,130,51,103,0.381,0.505,0.114,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,0,18,7,4,0,5,0,10,5,4,0,0,10,16,15,5,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,7,0,0,2,1,12,0,5,14,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018045722913233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929008917571352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050795086158663134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151260341291596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228364313555261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174371546817943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734473624571713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.877287759993255,0.0,0.33540549312301715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jazzfck,2018/03/07,"If she gets engaged, i'm ending myself. If I can't have her I don't want anybody. Two years ago nearly today the one who I loved and who I put my life into left me for someone she had just met. She left, and NEVER said anything to me again. I tried talking to her, I tried getting other people, he friends, etc, to talk to her, nothing worked. I've been crying myself to sleep since then, thinking about her everyday and what I could have done differently. I know that I really did no wrong to her, I never said or did anything to her or about her that could have even remotely offended or hurt her. I was always her ""shoulder to cry on"" I was always the one who would stay up late and listen to her problems. She was the only person who would actually go out of her way to talk to me, others would, but only if I talked to them first. I felt like she really cared. Then, new boy comes along and she told me she had a date one weekend and essentially never spoke to me again.
If that's not bad enough, not only does she not care about me anymore it's apparent that she hates me, because she's made false accusations about how I ""harassed"" and mistreated her when in reality I did nothing of the sort and can even prove I didn't, but nobody wants to listen to me, because she says I'm wrong and shes right, they think that's all they need to know.

Besides the fact that she would talk to me, she wasn't really all that much of a good person towards me, I know that part, please don't tell me she was bad or toxic and that i'm better off without her because I already know.

I constantly think that ""if you hadn't done/said this to her she would still be here right now"", I know that, for the most part that isn't true, but it still gets to me.

I don't want to live a life where I'm constantly crying and thinking of somebody who hates me, hoping that they'll come back when in reality I know that they never will. I don't want to be alone forever, and if I can't have her I don't want anybody.

If she marries somebody else, the day she's engaged will be the day i'm dead. I do not want to live to see her love somebody else.",5.297115097159939,4.373050890134529,6.023867713004487,84.97336509715994,68.1255605381166,8.957997010463377,28.44880418535127,7.9370924344782425,1.5217970104633785,1651,44,372,17,24,543,183,446,0.119,0.782,0.099,-0.3094,2,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,1,5,3,18,22,4,0,11,0,42,6,2,2,9,77,87,31,1,23,20,0,1,1,1,8,2,6,0,3,25,17,0,0,12,1,0,4,21,10,0,5,21,8,83,12,44,53,8,48,0,1,1,2,66,14,0,14,29,267,108,1,0.0,0.0,0.06651841278128176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042343814034928,0.0,0.0,0.07059753950332427,0.07522087431437627,0.0,0.11343612662288408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760055629692817,0.0,0.0,0.1121866343057124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241405154719006,0.11382849626107967,0.12465676541418445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028568325607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899586116259582,0.0,0.0,0.11743482122252714,0.0,0.1473225386953739,0.0,0.10884711197884676,0.0,0.22462547289203785,0.08792052183772851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121706641322678,0.0,0.0,0.059650938561381615,0.1395112568550374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388486161240954,0.0,0.06037323663665251,0.07043182562357896,0.07602108583290862,0.09004360402656275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544830817837492,0.0,0.0,0.05798042183115914,0.0,0.0,0.05266348105249277,0.0,0.10683892151193176,0.0,0.038739277775643545,0.05717288522957523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459604329572578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677024170670912,0.0,0.0,0.07297117097014237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247675240286997,0.0,0.07689217088566255,0.0,0.14812117517481255,0.0,0.09629276092104798,0.033301578197263815,0.0,0.12038045021320197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304167843254538,0.06449860098015403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050108519817412385,0.05054288024969368,0.2102896898775002,0.06583339564356469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081074982358956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385694497083821,0.15552580525722695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763034187816176,0.0,0.047256463934590334,0.1190366760846474,0.0,0.07482380696034845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522392027400274,0.0,0.06852383405325453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310031690792117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642368488525925,0.19451925112098006,0.05420689665585924,0.0,0.0,0.054318031033732166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638611908857768,0.0,0.06821341340845484,0.0,0.0577552936377452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726539527941511,0.1088720140591933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739389536615173,0.059578503064501825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470743228270352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461167814489957,0.06513380088135584,0.0,0.09255801582448478,0.0,0.06658650512576374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412300180273912,0.0541055581035971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570784290609744,0.0,0.04962433927484189,0.0,0.0,0.24210941021405144,0.14905367370167066,0.0,0.043895500964604574
suicidewatch,Y0ungS1th,2018/03/07,"I think about not killing myself every day. [19m] I've been through a lot of things like a lot of us have. Some days are just days for me cold, indifferent, routine. I hate my life it's a bland boring life that I made for myself I tried to step out and got pushed right back into it. Decided to start letting others in and trying to love again. I regret so much; my first relationship ended 2 months ago she always loved the 6th it was the day we met she made it a special day our day. I have been drinking and drinking and drinking these past few weeks I ended up dropping out of college.. I feel like a whole chapter of life just ended I still feel so broken I want help but nothing helps for more than a day or a few hours. Hell this is why she left me because I was too emotional, I have problems, I need to figure my depression out on my own... yeah truth is she was it; she made me happy. Now that she gone it's back to the old me the same old life that I had worked so hard to get away from just to be battered and beaten and thrown right back into it. Everyone keeps telling me it gets better I lie and tell them it is... hate is a strong word I don't like to use it to describe things or situations but I do really and truly hate MY life. I'm just trying to change something anything this feeling everyday it's not living.",1.0527749229188108,3.0888438201438864,2.5864594039054483,94.2028237410072,82.02158273381295,5.26639260020555,20.000513874614594,6.367922702773337,0.0006686536485096539,1034,28,231,9,28,337,152,278,0.14300000000000002,0.705,0.152,-0.3153,1,0,4,0,0,2,27.0,3,0,1,5,16,20,6,0,12,1,18,10,0,4,1,45,41,15,1,4,10,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,20,14,3,1,6,3,0,3,3,10,0,1,12,5,39,10,30,27,10,42,1,2,0,2,18,12,1,5,29,158,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645158127840497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176330511243836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097283649311625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103064450371676,0.19895278613654271,0.0,0.05257455895855721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762772850275443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123648140881964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38934924838212936,0.0,0.07428326782334982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253463762914762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701476861011743,0.22916418941833835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266569537946037,0.08241143214138258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082520401938735,0.0616139227438352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336052148977311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011960416965184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897853971814226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181011775268984,0.07725917851844982,0.2554492261729666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561730710729852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493461051559463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665911283069722,0.09541805373530406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370617107741253,0.08819203927064982,0.3045893309222971,0.12640583144244213,0.0,0.07615650529872675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466459662134824,0.1556801659890242,0.2448232103438439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884046969210778,0.0,0.06340048983414777,0.06395007031011375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827550448966346,0.0,0.181000641823726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233124939684658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252545693513398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525118362913296,0.0,0.0,0.09259557133051126,0.0,0.14730665916531302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694374484316963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639612912310107,0.0,0.0,0.0610451280036579,0.0,0.06887590219921531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150765031241737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459557961106538,0.0552627418688018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756654426053301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374291994653444,0.07448856635131522,0.0,0.0,0.05086992977563566,0.0,0.06918107293889228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782330108321786,0.0962902087678692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278787378244657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Irlydntknwwhyimhere,2018/03/07,"What do you do when you genuinely want to die? It just hit me so hard today. I don’t know if I would classify myself as a depressed person, I’ve been diagnosed with “major depression” and “panic anxiety disorder” but I don’t know how much of it I believe because it was a general practitioner and not a doctor who specifically deals in behavioral health. 
I think I have a lot going for me in life. I work a decent job at a nursing home and am finishing school to become an lvn (a little late because I’m 27). I have my own car that I paid for, my own place that I pay for, and don’t often need help for money unless I’m sick (I have Crohn’s disease) and need a little help. I still feel like a loser. I’m on probation for possession of marijuana and was using up to my sentencing for my pain and nausea (the end of December) and at my first meeting (early February) I failed a test. I can’t believe I’m this worthless. My mom always has so many nice things to say about my brothers (one is older and in japan running his own business and the younger one is moving up in the UPS world) and my niece is getting into the nuclear program in the navy. What am i? Just a loser who can’t even get probation right. I didn’t try to mess up, I really didn’t. I made over the amount due to pay starting, went to all my classes, went to all my meetings. It came to me that dying and getting out of everyone’s way would be so much easier. ",2.5978348704435668,3.843530909090912,4.782113892548676,83.77674571805007,74.92592592592592,8.128180354267311,26.044356609574,8.716276077567194,1.8551719806763285,1108,39,233,22,23,386,165,297,0.163,0.772,0.065,-0.9795,1,0,0,0,1,1,31.0,0,2,0,5,11,11,0,1,18,0,24,6,0,3,2,39,47,21,2,6,6,2,2,1,0,2,6,1,1,1,13,16,0,0,4,0,4,7,8,9,0,3,10,3,35,2,38,33,10,39,0,6,0,0,14,20,0,3,12,164,48,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873384348001983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077385609832077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466692321687824,0.13104960917578665,0.0,0.2673762537280253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571435347949048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233228053450895,0.20440174897083455,0.12043644812312496,0.2462987408132779,0.0,0.13599356287255826,0.121452575901406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050967072647371,0.0,0.0,0.07837319001460011,0.0,0.0,0.11338381683038222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999758603023168,0.08477005615681238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093133579947768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598338409776355,0.0,0.067436678284073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629521072481092,0.0,0.0,0.12612903200781622,0.0,0.0,0.15906933335397394,0.0,0.1190247120253716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177508076339142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304238323217705,0.0,0.13385258807897976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381240322710168,0.057970823004158935,0.2378551019011448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087968950435572,0.0,0.11227807160633592,0.0,0.1203016625408345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897205692699108,0.0,0.12611580208200368,0.17445612433913274,0.17596837889899966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081289992212927,0.0,0.12626160590136645,0.1392208403603684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036085142786638,0.12397346238250702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760160322601855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133418887831984,0.0,0.09436244711969068,0.0,0.1200893036016552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839874933865925,0.0,0.0947612785758359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788318068899812,0.0760319343904536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124749144185428,0.0,0.0,0.08056171273916099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248332960220788,0.0,0.0,0.06998818792470407,0.09418603868517483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199962747859706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638520888588272,0.0,0.0,0.16858398342590594,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneEyedCloud01,2018/03/07,"I'm Ending My Road. I Have No Future I've been wanting to write this for a while now and finally get my feelings out there for someone else to see. And since i'm starting to seriously consider suicide as the 'perfect option', I might as well take the time to at least tell the people close to me the reason I've chosen this path.

So, let's just get into it. I'm nearly 17, and my options aren't so good educationally. My sophomore year of highschool I decided to take higher level ""IB"" classes in a desperate attempt to try to get closer to a girl I had been crushing on earlier that year. This ended up backfiring on me my Junior year. Most of my grades are below average and compared to my higher level classmates, I am a brain-dead moron.

I don't have the discipline needed for these higher level classes. When I'm home, I try to forget that I have any semblance of obstacles by constantly gaming. I've done this since I was a toddler. While the humiliation of these classes are bad enough, my mother only adds to it. She often speaks to me dismissively and in a condescending tone- as if there's something that's my fault. Recently she's been saying the phrase ""when you're 18, you're out of here."" 
 She's generally a pain to be around and doesn't have many friends. I could honestly make an entire thread on my perspective of my mother and how she's shaped my earlier years of unnecessary depression.

Anyway, back to the present. i'm almost 17 and I don't have a job. My chances of going to University is 0 now, and I drag everyone else around me down. My mother is wasting time and money on me. Whenever I try to talk to my friends, I get this gut feeling that i'm wasting their time and their potential with my failure. I've often taken to just keeping my thoughts to myself.

My plan is to off myself as soon as summer starts. I'm not going to say goodbye to anyone, not even my closest friend- because he could honestly talk me out of it. But I really wanted to get this out, and to be honest, half of the stuff I've wanted to say has been forgotten or left out because of how self-conscious/loathing I can get.

In the past, I've struggled with whether or not I should even exist. When it comes down to it, if I were never born, my mother would've been free to live her youth. I would've never stolen all of these years from her life- the night's she's spent crying because of my innate incompetence. 

My friends would still be on their path to success, as they should-perhaps even more so without me wasting the little time that I do.

Once I leave, my mother will be free. My friends will be free. And I will be free. In my case, i AM being cowardly. You'd be justified in saying that I should shut the fuck up and stop being the little useless shit that I am and appreciate what I have. You'd also be justified in saying that others 'have it worse'. But I don't care anymore. I've been hating myself so much and for so long. It's high time that I do the world the biggest favor and just erase my existence. I won't be missed, and nothing will be lost.

But I've wasted enough of your time already. Sorry for this stupid edgy stuff. I hope you have a wonderful day/life if you're reading this, and peace.",3.970850137335031,5.0054339784283535,5.148754940711466,83.27769394386014,71.31124807395994,7.8622764118711075,27.35985127621089,8.18289091462,1.7113853152006424,2528,86,509,36,46,838,283,649,0.154,0.748,0.097,-0.9865,1,0,1,0,0,1,75.0,0,4,4,5,31,33,5,1,26,0,61,5,2,4,4,84,100,47,1,13,16,5,2,0,5,9,2,6,1,1,31,32,0,3,6,2,6,3,13,14,1,1,14,9,81,23,86,60,7,84,0,4,1,1,38,42,2,14,39,356,112,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483987981701633,0.0,0.08247586820175704,0.05976840577043459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082478908634624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412057653317289,0.05225894445414201,0.0,0.0,0.13306634190655198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746934540084112,0.062403582388557415,0.1366798119334366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343295933708345,0.0,0.0,0.07620095106794712,0.0,0.0,0.06438065846567104,0.0,0.08076584056844502,0.0,0.11934532991719715,0.0,0.08209680741710604,0.048200193346677966,0.0,0.06437221904165885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648350366780064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486896652203999,0.0,0.13239237520551894,0.1544498390981671,0.0,0.14809235772243567,0.0,0.0,0.07141590450702189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558013117509922,0.0,0.0,0.08187244797376267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28871416092414365,0.0690946017290223,0.23428690213327824,0.0,0.084951301009927,0.06268716483141729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378886265627098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896540044899564,0.07496887744302849,0.0742322616941268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741664963192082,0.06643107320496378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913735203940198,0.08120367273684025,0.0764252494001931,0.052790060810219835,0.0,0.1498153591820909,0.0659955247552519,0.06614128073149475,0.0,0.0,0.08158597564920488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988857444702699,0.07577317719780667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928580973460164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549414469575792,0.05541770111031832,0.11528598214664933,0.0,0.0,0.07013708307182484,0.0,0.0717136716380963,0.0,0.0,0.07959413564128537,0.0,0.056842048758778525,0.07952710573718318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134641993336384,0.05181431253858028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475879324680561,0.0,0.047879440405656,0.07684369552181253,0.07379531930176397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29717554501759197,0.0,0.0,0.05955696220431776,0.0,0.07796862622583615,0.0,0.0767180659569278,0.123649031435661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332574607033067,0.057537400987723364,0.0,0.08366370785971528,0.10580068611473646,0.0,0.05968631689175762,0.06248478936009429,0.0,0.0781329786821312,0.17111555846573606,0.08175186275377087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238820350596954,0.12014405970921545,0.06532480260558075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933407455649106,0.2614839599458769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522277449658154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224823132195448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719894830924805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204531243143641,0.08105078878502586,0.0,0.0,0.07616498581403129,0.15927640290724115,0.0,0.0,0.2406459367300193
suicidewatch,darkbluepotato,2018/03/07,ready to end it all i don't think there's anything that can stop me at this point. i've ruined everything in my life and there's no reason for me to keep going.,4.185833333333331,3.2982659166666686,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,70.3888888888889,8.311111111111114,23.555555555555557,7.1686216300943375,0.5768222222222223,127,2,31,1,2,42,31,36,0.203,0.73,0.068,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123374999121685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361688477312241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34111527361817473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570714272210645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33736168413315604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680875524241381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587976492829107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902408509383688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31732098781827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432004621270449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw4sw,2018/03/07,"Gone at 25 Hi everyone, I'm posting this here because I can't bring myself to talk to someone about it irl. I've been having suicidal thoughts for a while now but I'm slowly verging towards finally going through with it. My coping methods thus far have just been racking up responsibilities so that I tell myself I have to finish it before I kill myself. That and all the stuff that says ""suicide doesn't get rid of the pain, it just transfers it to others"" but the thing is, I'm starting to not care about the stuff that I tell myself needs to be done and I'm starting to not care about the affect me death will have on others because I just want it to end and now it just angers me seeing all this stuff saying ""it gets better"" and ""here are ways to help your mental health"" because I'm at a point where I just don't want to try anything, it's almost like I don't want to get better cuz I just want the easy way out, which I hate. So I've compromised with myself and said I'm going to kill myself at 25 if I haven't gotten better, I've already planned the date and method so it's not close to any holidays or family birthdays. But 25 is starting to seem further and further away",4.201147959183675,4.706396836734697,5.071670918367347,85.97444515306124,70.42857142857143,7.267857142857142,26.74107142857143,6.9077264865688965,1.117739795918368,935,28,195,7,16,305,124,245,0.17600000000000002,0.711,0.113,-0.9784,0,0,2,0,0,4,17.0,0,1,0,4,17,11,4,0,9,0,17,2,0,3,2,38,46,17,5,6,14,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,23,11,0,0,2,1,0,4,8,5,0,0,7,4,21,6,30,37,2,32,0,0,1,0,9,15,0,4,11,133,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173548352522074,0.0,0.12313596755122498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758810997227048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182430999016697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483705298060024,0.0,0.0,0.20406212452316613,0.0,0.0949499573296619,0.0,0.0,0.2960615389631589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22753510918179884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418940389695299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883050383572127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066235092973618,0.0,0.0,0.10519167705488973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222350648358719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489445705614154,0.0,0.12683177361653855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016632132271162,0.0,0.1186088137875161,0.0,0.0,0.07479255425474378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24690282586349144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054514416239896654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245065440898763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827382893259227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873348319948948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548316030179516,0.0,0.10686684329532208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614215097622977,0.1774725095529179,0.0,0.0,0.08891818086110395,0.10158208808018646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454495215737822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369396673785604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832117256990161,0.24411006367765825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089687173717507,0.1950590627128338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413160122697032,0.0,0.0,0.08858541096405699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575836453014534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632610689780758,0.17714072875944065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asdfTHROWAWAYfdsaXXX,2018/03/07,"Honestly, don't know what to title this. I'm 16 years old. I used to be smart, athletic, etc. I've been suffering from severe depression (albeit not officially diagnosed due to my parents unwilling to take me to the doctor) for about 6 years now. I always question what I am doing here. I do nothing productive, my grades are slipping, I find it hard to find the energy to go to school. I suffer from insomnia, and always have to wake up early the next day to go to school. I sit at home and play video games all day, usually alone so I can just listen to music as I play. 

My life has been great honestly, and that's why I hate myself so much more. I've had no problem finding girlfriends (although I've been cheated on 3 times in my 3 relationships). And while they are ""high school"" relationships, there was still feelings and other emotions involved. My parents have been great (albeit they are a bit insensitive). They provide for me well, they get me a lot of the things I want, they make sure I stay out of trouble. Just, they don't believe that for me, in my situation, I can be depressed, so I haven't talked to them in years about my situation. What also hurts me is the near daily talks about how my grades are slipping and I can pick it up cause they know I can do better. And all I can do is nod my head and tell them I'll try harder, even though I'm trying as hard as my mind will let me, and I know that I am just letting them down. 

I feel like I am a person who is generally ignored. A lot of times when I am talking to my friends in a group, they will communicate alongside themselves and if I try to talk, I generally get ignored. I'll usually repeat myself 2-3 times to see if anyone notices but many times I just get ignored again. I find myself raising my hand a lot in class for help but just being ignored by the teacher, whether they are talking with a student at the time and forget to check on me, or they just straight up think my questions are stupid.

I feel as if many people find me being around them enjoyable. I have a temper, I joke around a lot, never really serious. I tease a lot..I don't really know why.

One of my best friends passed away recently and that hit me hard. It hit me even harder that many people have been disrespecting him after his death.

I routinely get harassed by people in my school, whether it being them calling me names (i.e Faggot, dip shit, retard, etc) and I only have one friend that I can truly say I could talk to but I don't ever talk to them cause I am afraid to disappoint. 

I've talked to the suicide hotline and honestly they weren't helpful at all. I got to talk but it never truly helped so I stopped calling.

I have zero interests in pursuing any real job and I want to go pro in a video game I play but there is 0 chance of that happening due to my temper and it would stop me from ever making it on a team, plus the fact that I suffer from carpal tunnel. 

Another thing that has happened in my life is that I was forced into sexual situations with one of my exes, and physically abused if I didn't comply (scratching/nail digging mainly) and honestly nothing has made me feel more like a bitch then that relationship because I realized that I had a free out when she cheated on me but I still realized I liked her. I wanted to forgive her cause I believe people deserve second chances. And maybe the fact that I thought that she was the only girl I could get due to, in my opinion, shitty looks and bad personality.

I'm planning on sneaking out tonight, taking a nice long walk outside where I know I will end up dying of hypothermia or just freezing in general. I think it would be nice to maybe walk and then watch some of The Office (great show by the way, it's stalled me from ending it a few days ago because I want to see the moment Jim and Pam get together). Freezing to death seems fitting due to it matching the cold, sinking feeling I constantly have in my chest. I don't plan on leaving any good byes, although I guess this could count as a signing off, to any friends or family. Maybe I'll tell one person tonight and see if they can convince me but quite honestly I just don't see myself enjoying my life at all for at least the next 10 or so years and would much rather just end it now instead of suffering 1 more year with these thoughts.

I understand that I am young and that this is a harsh decision, but at this point I've cracked under the pressure of depression. Years of it eating at my thoughts, putting me down, causing me anxiety. It's enough, this has to stop. I put this off for way too long due to me being afraid of hurting others but at this point I need to realize that I am just going to grow up to be a fucking let down.

TLDR; 16 year old bitch, good life, bad mental. Giving up. Nobody's going to read this or care.

Signing off,
Alex",4.866512101524896,5.207585791581112,5.68403036321406,82.75024994109134,68.90759753593429,8.645612145285622,29.724913320092913,8.553620602826744,2.0664942134850373,3787,134,776,55,61,1242,384,974,0.166,0.705,0.13,-0.9929,3,1,0,0,3,1,107.0,0,0,18,6,42,69,12,3,36,0,80,14,5,10,11,153,138,67,4,18,33,2,11,3,5,6,7,2,1,4,48,35,1,7,29,11,2,11,13,34,1,6,17,20,134,36,123,99,22,126,0,10,6,1,69,53,4,20,62,540,182,12,0.0,0.05192175943234281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038845450643181234,0.0,0.0,0.04538624945400315,0.0,0.035044339875184086,0.07292662571844556,0.0,0.0,0.08940113893957287,0.04595105981377227,0.03352361660083602,0.0,0.0,0.030641275894215687,0.0,0.0,0.07802152410809989,0.0,0.0,0.04117209675744676,0.0,0.07317887510847543,0.05342681998098927,0.0,0.0,0.09874449983084924,0.04598835719668208,0.03875688980118317,0.04784214083298575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949407370591808,0.0,0.04467932503159341,0.18006855932853374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473558819362991,0.0,0.10496461090659824,0.0,0.0,0.08478445773734182,0.0,0.11323115750888565,0.04447828356297852,0.04548019061429821,0.0,0.0,0.04485354885984611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484072117276552,0.0,0.049293714305010235,0.11643953022786215,0.04527971413369277,0.0977459551607775,0.057887874036950324,0.0792787947098796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131136637905535,0.0,0.1107882906767012,0.06261271656795656,0.0,0.0,0.2002620122214936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542669645318486,0.040512619925527814,0.13737073493641713,0.04203793831563702,0.12452491525646492,0.07351142403234627,0.0350483589123183,0.14494132506589144,0.04827473896149848,0.0,0.07750308369754155,0.0,0.11776738514833965,0.04326503189430539,0.04497388927454832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811864296918162,0.04630021992461279,0.04395691648971699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938244531438846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348645192821282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041679009512855,0.0,0.0,0.046401041251509526,0.0,0.1344325173393328,0.12381075313741155,0.06422746795028904,0.0,0.0,0.0775619657863132,0.036799340562533256,0.0,0.0,0.186278967266323,0.0,0.04146532037963789,0.05850288747955425,0.13328551803816224,0.13207489904900793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441621458457229,0.0,0.04424760440393518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644282448426365,0.0324933671523834,0.06759626744453162,0.0,0.09321012845960233,0.0,0.0,0.08409654733758921,0.04989149836878797,0.09196737831678717,0.0,0.1187793541704086,0.06665702557151998,0.0,0.0,0.097318018740507,0.0,0.0,0.121522289617384,0.11479072032033312,0.0,0.0,0.08285167808046699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193161881774237,0.0,0.08810618182349772,0.09818106457441067,0.04660996122300064,0.04383373666117819,0.04987889081041811,0.0561468341335426,0.0,0.043268817654962606,0.14114489075633618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03484891613870409,0.0,0.1774003196445792,0.13968145199911214,0.039893791749705566,0.0,0.04950624855609622,0.044982527864099314,0.0,0.14777288026614907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046708291089655324,0.06999241649799441,0.1099111562608026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479340217769325,0.0,0.04130160125233423,0.0,0.06589719686940068,0.3170012891715103,0.0766045055169166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058226616863525774,0.056158579738304994,0.043054772480676684,0.10436902815797153,0.12776444686970415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925653552656382,0.0,0.0,0.045620120291593416,0.0,0.03784803243171996,0.09652721466207616,0.0,0.10338911573983224,0.06956753377565769,0.0,0.0,0.03940113097293162,0.0,0.07908485738466975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338941411649987,0.0,0.0,0.1975389679998576
suicidewatch,_Ken-M_,2018/03/07,"My Dad after hearing that I want to kill myself He basically went through the list of things you'll get in trouble for doing on this subreddit when dealing with a suicidal person.

Anyways I'm just sitting in my bed crying now.",9.159318181818184,7.3091544772727275,9.34909090909091,67.21863636363638,61.04545454545455,11.52727272727273,42.45454545454545,10.125756701596842,4.47180909090909,183,9,31,3,2,61,41,44,0.292,0.682,0.025,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,9,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736096063053431,0.0,0.3506523116268673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770044906414156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833438141684072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762961711565056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29698265149066844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720398176141579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259628872683116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006136056251328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152978182289298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GamerRising,2018/03/07,"Feeling Like Ending It All Hey Reddit

I'm not sure if anyone will see this but it's worth a shot. For a few months I've been feeling practically worthless and just feeling like there's no point of living.

I've been to the hospital about 4 times in the span of just 5 months. I had plans of jumping out the window from the 6th floor. I've been thinking of ending my life because I have practically nothing going for me. I've just basically lost the urge to live. Nothing really interest me anymore. I don't even see a future for myself. I've also been feeling super lonely. All my friends are busy with college. I'm just at the point where I feel like I have nobody. I feel like if I kill myself nobody would really even care. I've been feeling like this for months it's like a never ending battle. I've tried counseling and medications but it doesn't seem to work. I'm just at the point where I just want to end my battle",1.2644937343358365,3.6128691736842136,3.092255639097748,89.00745614035091,83.57894736842105,5.5137844611528815,20.100250626566414,6.868970318607317,0.42349874686716793,733,21,149,9,21,244,97,190,0.116,0.647,0.237,0.9657,0,2,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,4,13,17,3,0,11,0,13,2,0,0,4,30,31,7,1,4,11,0,7,6,1,2,2,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,9,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,7,9,15,11,19,22,3,23,0,3,2,0,2,11,0,3,16,88,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612678033220121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680838029523823,0.07530558279707428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565225660890768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098062176686058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815570741766225,0.0,0.0,0.1422682301574489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811906382562171,0.38470061820664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320791159201336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120777312614846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191528882608554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607092597698861,0.3156974874202267,0.0,0.1902002233533089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175660838255665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084953224785912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578927301054445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306403970237886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668001979886236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054308471898337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798936053557948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164417671524546,0.09804504381829006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150494919000873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900911357035504,0.0,0.0,0.06280010118041579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312049112533321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352360817595712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840609000148258,0.0,0.0,0.07650621644477004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thr0wAway023,2018/03/07,"I’d like to kill myself Always have, just haven’t had the balls to. My mind keeps wandering to the gun I keep in my nightstand.",2.764444444444444,3.7847715555555546,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,74.18518518518519,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.2740518518518513,100,2,23,1,2,32,21,27,0.232,0.6859999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.6808,0,0,0,1,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33059774366636063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7063033034385936,0.4395699615632606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410794321539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011746885166181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawaySui844,2018/03/07,"Can't take these flashbacks anymore I'm constantly having flashbacks to several instances of childhood sexual abuse. I can't take this anymore. 


I love my fiancee and I know she loves me but she is doing things that trigger these traumas and flashbacks and won't stop doing it.


I don't know what to do anymore. I just want it to be over. ",2.034545454545455,4.755883590909097,3.0032575757575763,88.22488636363637,84.30303030303031,5.118181818181818,27.946969696969692,6.6274283507984215,1.5109151515151509,271,13,49,3,8,86,42,66,0.105,0.762,0.133,-0.0433,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,0,10,18,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,5,16,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,37,17,0,0.0,0.2590736577228393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6505491463808544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362913291471709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403371426720595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946942809265869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470209991685013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280765513565614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32880680495590325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526648145770776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289699957989256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NebulaKula,2018/03/07,"I need advice. Nobody will/would take me seriously for being thirteen years of age. Hello. My name is Miya, I'm 13 and all of that dumb fucking bullshit. In short I just want to fucking die. I've been battling depression since I was eight years old for reasons I'd rather not get into (family, school etc.) this may sound like the cliche, edgy teen depression story, but I think it's more. I hate everyone around me, I constantly get bullied at school and I have constant, agonising thoughts of suicide. I just want to know the most painless and easy way to commit suicide or stop the pain. I've tried cutting and even therapy, yet, none of this has worked for me. I just want to die. Edit: I don't want a compendium of answers telling me to get help, I just want the pain to be taken away.
",2.398653846153845,4.6098297628205165,3.4429230769230763,88.90207692307692,78.2948717948718,6.467692307692308,25.143589743589743,7.554174236665415,1.2722774358974362,617,23,125,9,15,198,104,156,0.315,0.568,0.116,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,6,0,5,0,9,4,0,1,2,31,27,6,4,7,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,11,0,1,4,1,16,1,19,20,5,15,0,2,0,2,4,6,3,3,9,73,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661765846159054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534782595053275,0.0,0.0,0.12173850498527825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800456971209114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223202814826947,0.0,0.2689535315360752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450862825535907,0.08558203002813815,0.0,0.0,0.12381296735369587,0.0,0.0,0.12215030027528685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23957710057010945,0.20309031136316397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792693877074593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685034041053878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121016977915065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330303403719538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607705826527868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596552064932374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757505352439704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332230688759819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26227046225834283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718448221120226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832919135517276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834646087340736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742309551128732,0.0,0.11325289105028627,0.0,0.14817851232382048,0.0,0.0,0.0830254235011877,0.0,0.1028668317895808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797185513919642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821288376465967,0.10284935944912288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943310019597436,0.0,0.0,0.0920452486949382,0.0,0.0,0.16688208439745453
suicidewatch,Rudytheduck,2018/03/07,"suicidal thoughts are sneaking back into my head long story short, I've been depressed since I was 12, hid it for years until i could't take it anymore and tried to end my life a year and a half ago. I got somewhat better, but now i feel depressed again. I keep thinking of suicide and have been really close to doing it. holding high doses of lethal chemicals in my hand, ready to drink it. a click away from stopping my heart with a 9,000V transformers i have. today i was crying in the bus because i really can't bare being alive. i'm so lonely. one of my coping skills is drinking, even though i dont like it because if i chose to live it will affect my developing brain. i dont know what to do, every time i attemt it i get closer and closer to succeeding. i feel so much pain inside of me. i really wish i wouldnt have survived the first time, then i wouldnt have to worry about anything anymore.",5.1362146050670585,5.201131950819672,5.922225534028815,82.23433681073027,68.2896174863388,8.403179334326877,28.658221559860905,8.00094639256281,1.7743595628415298,709,22,142,8,11,233,117,183,0.204,0.691,0.105,-0.962,0,2,2,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,5,8,7,0,0,6,0,19,9,4,1,0,22,30,11,3,4,2,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,7,2,3,5,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,6,4,24,3,20,20,2,24,0,3,1,0,0,9,0,2,16,96,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170183381530037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618356386047045,0.0,0.0,0.1086324604612886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402714503395272,0.10150705416119507,0.0,0.16094336874612866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675155678261265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736611080546888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539873721628748,0.0,0.1450060900959456,0.0,0.0,0.22739894735750174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094279880799681,0.25863784478425444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692111600351708,0.0,0.0,0.08719094136964795,0.0,0.11122358454655966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334958039836789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228709945854064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689694453574236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557994944073144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354796944313129,0.0,0.0,0.15643173455544826,0.0,0.1394751432146875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117335990148652,0.0,0.0,0.07254889532411428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324211933267193,0.06449310827802535,0.0,0.11656668888436303,0.1168241350005769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970420733543938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945296297101975,0.0,0.14046727299645195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537057408553763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919951187346616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036574113706757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887936412863388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992546146192305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458627156077211,0.1296985320500805,0.10480069117895284,0.15395144605284594,0.0,0.1251294437140613,0.0,0.0,0.08962569433208042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518042562770109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406191927019304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700194074802744
suicidewatch,Icravethethought,2018/03/07,"I crave the thought I am just a burden, I am someone with potential that is plagued by mental illness. That is tl; dr if anyone cares. I am someone who is bipolar, yes I'm on medication, yes I take it, yes I have taken it today. I do not want any comments as it drives the anger in me more. I want to say first any thoughts or response is appreciated if anyone feels it is worth the energy or time.

I feel as life is coming to a end. I am so ready to go out I crave death. I feel it inside me and my heart races at the thought of suicide. I have bipolar and ptsd. I have suffered as long as I can remember. My parents spent a decade telling me I need medication, I need counseling blahblahblah and they never did anything. My parents are wealthy, yet they couldnt do anything to help me. My mother is a narccisistic personality and my dad has essentially been depressed and on medication since he married my mother. Around early teenage years or shall I say tweens I started more or less rapid cycling and the pain came unreal. My mother was always with my sister - essentially never around. My dad would come around and acknowledge me in some intervals of time but was mainly absent. Anything I have ever said is disregaurded, shot down, invalidated..etc. I would be have a panic attack and my parents would tell me I have gas and to shut up. If anything was wrong they would shut me down and had degrading nicknames for me. I was restricted from eating, my mother would even hide groceries in her closet. It's not like they couldn't afford food. I grew up in a multi million dollar home and we had a second home as well. My mother is so focused on what anyone eats it is unbelieveable. Whenever I ate something as a kid my mother or father as well would be on my ass. They would tell me if I eat a sandwich I would turn into the sandwich. My mother would go out of her way to embarass me and put me down. In high school I ended up smoking a ton of weed. It helped me a lot. It relieved the suffering. I grew up in a room in the south USA that was like a boiler room. The a/c unit did not push air into my room. I was sleep deprived and miserable, top that with hunger, it brought me even more distress and issues. My father would walk into my room very rarely and would say omg this is unhealthy. If I asked to do something about it he would say no it isn't. Everything I have ever said is either countered, invalidated or disregaurded. It has brought me insane pain. I ended up in a shit hole rehab at 18 and was forced to live in halfway houses for a year of my life. I was in drug dens and it was a living hell. On and off I have been in rehab at least 6 times, ended up shooting heroin and speed. Things got bad.  Since 18 I have been in and out of psychiatric wards and rehabs. 2 years ago I met this girl. She was a sweet girl, she happened to have a drug problem and suffers from BPD. She had a meltdown and did what she could to turn me out on drugs. I ended up homeless and my car stolen.. she nearly drove me into my grave. She ended up freaking out and dropped off by the rehab at a homeless shelter. She ended up on the street and in prostitution from this pimp who beat her down. It haunts me everyday. She ended up getting help and back in the city I live in. I was there for her everyday. I talked to her parents doing anything I could to help her. In the midst of all that I relapsed and ended up on subutex. I have my own apartment.. A penthouse and it is very expensive. My parents are moving and I feel like a piece of shit. I went to start a business for a income and was instantly shot down by my family. For someone who has struggled their whole life it would leave anyone speechless when I try to do something for myself. I also crashed my car and ended up on suboxone because I relapsed in the midsts of the ex girlfriend being homeless. After she beat the shit out of me in a public place she went to jail and when she got out she said what she could to break me down. It got to a point her mother pays for me to see a psychologist/therapist whatever, as frequently as I want- essentially forever. They come from incredible wealth. Unimaginable to most. I have improved a lot but I am very unstable.

As of today I am broke, stuck on suboxone and just feel as my life as over. The pain of the past doesnt go. It is with me everyday. My mother hasnt talked to me in years and any other relationship is broken. My father has put more money towards my housing and given me more money then what most American households make in a year. I feel like a piece of shit. My lease ends quite soon and I am ready to go out. There is nothing for me. I've never really had a job, have nothing. I am sitting here typing this in a penthouse apartment. I have not seen my family in years. Nobody. I dont have any friends. Sometimes I see this girl but she did something really odd and I dont really want to see her anymore. Essentially there is nobody around. I have no criminal record and want to get a glock or something and shoot myself. I have watched videos of people hanging themselves and it seams painful. I have thought about slicing a few arteries. There will be nobody around as I bleed out. I was also thinking about taking a uber out to an area outside of the city and going for a hike at one of my favorite spots that is secluded to take care of what needs to be done. 

In conclusion of this blabber, I dont even know why I am writing this. I see my psycologists in a few days, and a pschiatrist. If I verbalize this I will be  put in a  psychiatric ward. I crave death inside me. I want it. It is hard to describe the feeling. I am borderline crazy, I may go hypo-manic in 20 minutes and love life and crash back into this hell. That is the summary of my life, mental illness, addiction. My putrid existence. If you have read a sentence or this whole thing. Remember you do have a heart in you. If you read this for the strength to end suffering as well, know we share similar thoughts. 

Edit: I'm also bullimic, just another day in hell. Nobody would no due to how fit I am. I actually have lost my voice from it. Can't talk well.


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suicidewatch,Jwshshwj,2018/03/07,"I made a list in my head Of pros and cons for suicide, because insomnia is keeping me up again. So my Pro list is over 10 entrys but cons is 2 maybe 3. It is getting harder and harder not to make that Bad decision for me :(((",3.2512500000000024,3.174463291666669,5.154166666666669,86.6075,72.33333333333334,8.066666666666668,28.5,7.793537801064563,1.5708249999999997,170,6,39,2,3,59,38,48,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,2,0,8,8,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218118058756633,0.23495006441120914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013674220364152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955548237996425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425813521607664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646962217662933,0.257272605527597,0.0,0.38720884691384144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215898123072253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrumPC_Master_race,2018/03/07,"I'm at my end and I don't want it to be this way I don't have any options left. I'm not much use to this world or to the people around. People try and cheer me up but in reality make it much worse. Even if I could accurately describe the aching feeling of my existence it wouldn't matter.

I enjoyed a lot of stuff through out my life, like dragon Ball Z, Comicbooks, video games and much more but these aren't enough to keep afloat. Nothing in this miserable existence is worth actually living for.

It's said that this is actually the end. Didn't think I would go out like this. What was even the point of it? If we do end up waking from a simulation when we die I will most likely end up killing my self there too 


So long, it's been a bumpy ride but an interesting one. I don't want your help, I don't want your pity. Just hope that my method ends it quick enough. I'm tired of suffering

Anyone want to talk during my last moments?",1.9010834333733482,3.5623966173469412,3.235042016806723,92.40407563025214,77.72448979591837,6.652581032412965,21.22328931572629,7.5105763829236425,0.4610339735894358,731,19,170,10,17,238,118,196,0.21,0.688,0.102,-0.9765,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,2,0,0,9,11,1,1,8,0,17,3,1,2,0,33,32,11,2,10,8,0,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,17,8,0,1,2,3,1,2,8,4,0,1,4,2,19,7,21,23,8,25,0,3,0,0,9,12,0,7,13,109,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.23696953164107595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256722770440271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489707963187675,0.0,0.0,0.10808622278121514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694101252431464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601091996250374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376938884758412,0.2509109287607964,0.0,0.16038860355559673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061391714681404336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900366475063463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138276699088935,0.0,0.0,0.12059375286140316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792036025262344,0.13432911435409492,0.0,0.0,0.0989704659386494,0.0,0.0,0.13191913351387974,0.0,0.08575990279156187,0.17795357086154626,0.0,0.10721279159035976,0.10744957893559152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322377157106688,0.0,0.0,0.08104630359051132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677647881813525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650218647443747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822748073908672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834950891589034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147776211394618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549467760371912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666365037838426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389925815098169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758979932498216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779864377246776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955014226185572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243367791890363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048646745115517,0.0,0.0,0.2864578492859307,0.09637458432108252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373355285598525,0.08625063519324608,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpme12121,2018/03/07,"Please. Help me. I thought I could do it. I thought I could live. But tonight I don’t know how to convince myself to continue. A part of me struggles to hold on while the rest of me is dragging me down. Help me. Please. I don’t want to lose all hope, but it’s escaping me fast. ",-1.53316666666667,0.43858001666666624,0.3833333333333345,104.18833333333336,98.83333333333334,4.0,20.0,5.82211442006289,-0.3289999999999997,211,8,54,2,9,68,37,60,0.064,0.708,0.228,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,12,11,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,13,2,8,7,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804031278094652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193515139462597,0.0,0.0,0.2366090449656345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092105004911678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035514381453235,0.0,0.0,0.26651043767719496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579721353605932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229943116517357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490422498842174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37824467136886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405100109546112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uselessperson9018,2018/03/07,"Conflicted I’ve previously been in and out of in-patient/PHP at hospitals for suicidal thoughts or attempts at taking my life. I was last in a hospital in November. I’ve missed over a month of school because of hospitalizations, I am once again unable to control myself and am self harming and having suicidal urges again. I have told my therapist this to some extent, but am too afraid to tell her that I am once again feeling suicidal and want to die because I don’t want to go back to the hospital and miss more school. I have convinced myself that I am serious and am going to kill myself but I am worried that I may be overreacting and can’t afford to miss any more school should I attempt to take my life and not be successful. Based off the small amount of information that I gave my therapist she recommended PHP, I declined and lied to her saying that I promised not to harm myself in-between the time of the appointment, and when I see her again. I would tell her, but I don’t want to be sent to the hospital again, and be forced to miss more school. With my GPA and the amount of school I’ve already missed, I can’t afford to miss any more school. What should I do?",7.119743589743592,6.1510484529914535,7.2944871794871835,77.49634615384619,64.47008547008548,11.047863247863248,34.029914529914535,10.317481424215053,3.185955555555555,934,34,190,19,12,303,106,234,0.213,0.71,0.076,-0.9886,2,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,4,8,14,1,1,8,0,25,2,0,1,0,33,44,17,5,6,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,7,14,0,2,3,0,0,3,6,11,0,0,6,3,32,3,31,30,8,22,0,6,1,0,13,9,0,3,10,134,39,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194535433644961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722369777946487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323546138581091,0.0,0.131973050200997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140850676073532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234356604468362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547330672211504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303882505650897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975955524055895,0.0,0.0,0.08823596462878204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529164822559247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640193034903275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230559598599856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608256603443779,0.0,0.6573120381801953,0.0862590515558776,0.0,0.11292550023425753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552148002381815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277693625869755,0.0,0.18922575320417545,0.0,0.0,0.2513668244879045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593623325901595,0.06311984792146659,0.0,0.0,0.10343489595132883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154111595952206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993034717569113,0.0,0.07689574787733995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gigamungus,2018/03/07,"Looking for a reason to live Teenage male here. Decent grades but nothing to be proud of, lackluster facial features, underweight, terrified of any and all social interaction, lost any and all hope for a bright or fulfilling future, all Joy has lost from my life, only apathy, jealousy, fear and sadness. I don't see why I shouldn't just end my painful existence other then im scared of death.",6.310833333333335,7.787207305555555,6.251000000000001,75.89399999999998,66.22222222222221,9.648888888888887,32.455555555555556,9.888512548439397,3.3486522222222224,314,13,53,7,5,99,57,72,0.395,0.483,0.122,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,2,10,0,2,2,0,4,3,1,1,3,12,9,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,3,4,4,8,5,3,3,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,2,3,30,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042477012961422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981320363031103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517249895725713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218483724627072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163467246730205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800611218972774,0.0,0.0,0.19753143164554848,0.0,0.1878518815559865,0.0,0.4883905274472056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464643670561356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013413122522472,0.23803285312376546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300011287985146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396298926600744,0.0,0.17826014797681414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280342480880933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185469406784345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,all_the_names_were-,2018/03/07,"feels empty it's weird honestly
i only get happy when i'm around others 
hell i only feel emotions when i'm around others
when i'm alone i feel nothing 
nothing at all 
i try to remember the fun times i had with others but it doesn't make me happy it only makes me feel more empty then i already felt and i honestly cant take it anymore 
i'm considering suicide by gun",0.2230769230769205,2.568470282051287,3.0340512820512835,87.2026153846154,89.76923076923076,5.171282051282052,20.620512820512825,6.742157984588678,0.6527497435897436,294,10,58,4,10,103,48,78,0.21600000000000005,0.604,0.18,-0.2617,0,1,0,1,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,14,16,6,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,9,5,6,14,2,8,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829605778034072,0.19494241193473485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519359636231155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145195583166071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871230956109065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572868861368009,0.0,0.16961583030818075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922945801852649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761035727051167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583623289416514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390091289158021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40306066462645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011488427563565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932311311521058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282204808605322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300854246925223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993667325181526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qwerty2k18,2018/03/08,Just so done I’m so alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my problems that won’t give me some bs advice on how I should handle it. I’m 48 and am tired of always trying to make things work just to have things blow up in my face. ,1.1072222222222228,1.7159350925925914,2.7861111111111114,99.13250000000002,77.7037037037037,5.4,15.351851851851851,3.1291,-1.2842814814814818,181,1,48,0,4,60,41,54,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.8029,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,2,0,8,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,9,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911996551025963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30863548247864475,0.0,0.0,0.2479577469489139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083667428602299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049548495144728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858663037932466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891560903203812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28514331015697225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951905895824135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959525231752414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34250422670447983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023207046040943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169456896448013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OnionsHaveLayers,2018/03/08,"Is threatening someone with suicide forgivable? I’m sorry if this post is not allowed, I don’t know where else to go 

Recently I had a large fight with someone I had a relationship with. It was largely an accumulation of the smaller disagreements and he ended up severely disrespecting me and making me feel unsafe. I told him I no longer want anything to do with him. His response was to walk out of his house and drive somewhere, then message me telling me I had to see him or he would kill himself. He told me he put my name and number in his suicide note so that I could explain why he did this to his mum. 
I tried to discuss it with him and talk through the things he was feeling that were making him feel this was the only solution and all he would respond with was that I had to meet up with him - except he said it had to be a week later (because his family had a holiday planned) otherwise he would kill himself. 
I tried to call the police but I couldn’t tell them where he was as he wasn’t at his own house in the first place, and I didn’t know where he had driven to. 
I know it was the wrong thing to do but I eventually conceded because I didn’t want to risk him following through with his threat and he would not listen to me at all
He knows that I am someone who does not like to lie, and I don’t make promises that I won’t keep 
Is this my fault? Is the position he put me in just a result of a messed up mindset? I don’t think I can forgive him but do I owe it to him to try? He seems to think I simply don’t understand the mental state he was in and that I couldn’t understand 
I just don’t feel like I can trust him 
Am I being selfish?",3.3042717287488053,3.965478160458453,4.619931948424071,87.84025131327603,72.55300859598853,7.879703915950334,27.435649474689587,8.07648339933343,1.5001489016236866,1294,45,291,18,24,430,150,349,0.145,0.7959999999999999,0.06,-0.9841,2,0,0,0,1,2,19.0,0,0,1,3,6,15,4,1,15,0,46,0,0,5,2,64,76,18,4,10,11,1,4,2,0,5,0,2,0,0,18,19,0,1,16,1,1,7,15,9,0,1,24,7,55,6,42,42,3,29,0,0,1,0,57,14,0,3,8,206,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639839642964903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800270671036096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720723854582992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382652701162238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187806496062187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877062537959004,0.0,0.09299059313002164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897588357877356,0.0,0.21234580060693206,0.07500537368721284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930503177189425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596686316399799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229033206846498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332055399722074,0.23231329732658906,0.0,0.23080056153122264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258630085932267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102463130994673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580592676864732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985015482347932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969293043874308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055206397089343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108929476498653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366564541859362,0.11272071506144885,0.0,0.0,0.09987019383997534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366399094818748,0.095579585809502,0.0,0.11860960125478308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26687482621290903,0.0,0.0,0.11752848765277625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22968555991706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438754389038976,0.18353299065643808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950230546700118,0.13454759639579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006462172376861,0.0,0.21384537097762926,0.0,0.0,0.21859803296748986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238524645842515,0.0,0.08421720281367939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473777223352124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983295103909828,0.11479084357481932,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PatientBit,2018/03/08,"I am not well enough to work. I can't get better without money. I can't get money without working. 75% of people are rejected from disability in my country. The criteria to get on disability for mental health has 5 mandatory sections. you need 20 points, and can get a max of 5 points in each. So my inability to work gives me five points. other things they assess are things like 'ability to make friends', as if that somehow overrides my inability to work. Disability would give me enough extra money to cover my medical costs so I could get better enough to work

My psychiatrist is 140 dollars a fortnight.
My meds are 180 dollars a month, as I am unable to take the ones covered by public health.

I have 140 dollars after rent,  100 after I pay for my transport. this has to cover absolutely everything i need.

I tried to go to a free GP yesterday, but I couldn't navigate well enough because of dissociation and anxiety, and restlessness.


There is no way out other than dying.",4.107790540540542,6.303887329729732,5.630726351351353,75.28717060810813,73.0,8.516891891891893,29.40033783783784,9.188382445141503,2.8683040540540543,776,33,135,18,16,262,108,185,0.122,0.84,0.037000000000000005,-0.9064,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,7,6,9,0,1,6,0,16,3,0,1,0,17,28,9,1,6,5,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,7,2,2,2,0,0,21,8,29,25,7,15,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,5,100,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578220290038076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835584547010129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834682064881276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952987439035025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637738808665495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634575882830978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077880855191867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663445006247973,0.0,0.2929269336003037,0.2151383006817788,0.06372833619876445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383863962681929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054783008180885405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485031558176385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245555949446027,0.11296320767394838,0.11300469757071302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950428879626393,0.0,0.0,0.16629187997054046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598490029539412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773959645375271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180086240855532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431081257915791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899369365371926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613162517528811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900674960997103,0.0,0.0,0.20164386509182355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618634853580795,0.0,0.4081744367130421,0.0,0.0,0.07965677615552466,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PineappleStickers,2018/03/08,"My Girlfriend is starting to say things that concern me My girlfriend unfortunately suffers from so many medical problems that i would swear she was lying and exaggerating if i hadn't seen it myself. Every day for her is a living hell of pain and depression.

I've always had it in the back of my head but last night for the first time she actually vocalised the topic of suicide. The crux of it boiled down to ""if it wasn't for my brothers or my relationship with you, i would have no reason to stick around"".

And it wasn't said with any emotion or self pity or as a blackmail to make me stick around. It was stated as a simple fact. I don't know if she's having suicidal feelings but it worries me a little to know that she's so calm and stoic about it. Like she's just checking off her bucketlist of things to keep enduring pain for. And once they all go, she'll be free to leave.",4.447327746741152,5.209521921787712,5.257667597765362,83.93592411545626,70.00558659217877,7.754376163873371,27.765828677839853,7.793537801064563,1.519792923649906,700,23,144,8,12,228,106,179,0.226,0.715,0.058,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,1,7,10,1,0,8,0,15,5,1,2,2,29,24,17,2,6,9,1,1,1,2,3,3,2,0,1,13,9,1,1,4,0,2,1,5,7,0,1,8,4,23,4,27,12,1,15,1,3,1,0,17,6,1,6,8,105,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.1498858991138852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780277760665387,0.0,0.0,0.10444940390530877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734630156238693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810455051270882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990556292251024,0.0,0.13229056190553865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277293566417426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940983824063565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776619026880026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064724929232094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872911910799354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763208327373818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365216879751387,0.0,0.0,0.16882284178676638,0.12519986995968102,0.0,0.1626342065702871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503842592306757,0.1539418583306319,0.13562659767054344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025254006234026,0.15572053190179225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473011746790635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413786363310754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635729369770062,0.0,0.0,0.32687036927792185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696901993356445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792054104737194,0.0,0.16490281755519734,0.0,0.0,0.1461033701304837,0.12214436730702101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602323724112056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108714849545983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360145112761093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040824813293073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956208259171318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559824866076165,0.0,0.21821799478701454,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lifeispain16,2018/03/08,"What do I do if I truly have nothing to live for? I’ve had depression for a while but I found ways to cope. But now my life has gone to shit. My parents are hardly here when I need them and when they are they are abusive pieces of shit. I had a best friend, but I’ve lost her for good and she was the main thing helping me through my depression. Her bf raped me but she doesn’t believe me because Im known to be promiscuous so they think I wanted it. Now Im being bullied because I apparently fucked my best friend’s boyfriend and “lied” about being raped. I haven’t been to school in 5 days because Im too scared and hurt.

 Im 17 which means I have a little over a year left of school and I know I won’t always have to deal with school and these kids. But then I think, do I really want to live that long? What if things get worse? I don’t want to find people who will hurt me. It was hard enough finding that one best friend who let me into her friend group in school. What will I do in real life outside of school? The thought of being all alone struggling with college, and work, and battling depression, and therapy terrifies me when I could just be in a peaceful “sleep”. Ive never had any luck connecting with people and my self confidence and esteem has always been extremely low. As for relationships with boys, I could only find boys interested in sex not one capable of giving a shit about anything about me other than that. I can’t keep/make friends, have a good relationship with anyone, my parents dont love me, right now literally no one, including myself, gives a shit about me. No family, no friends, no love. What else do I have?

For these past few days it has taken everything within my power to not go in the kitchen, find the biggest fucking knife I can find, dig it as far into my skin as it can go and saw the shit out of my arm in a bathtub. Honestly, I don't know why I haven't done it yet. Im going to *try* therapy but idk how I feel about someone pretending to care about me because that is their job. So we will see.",2.42858500169664,4.015841000000004,3.6199077027485593,90.53383847981002,76.0546318289786,6.901689854088904,23.429996606718696,7.658307877764058,0.8920441262300645,1595,48,352,22,35,518,203,421,0.262,0.588,0.15,-0.9964,5,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,5,6,19,36,10,2,14,0,47,18,8,1,2,57,75,31,0,8,11,2,4,0,7,4,2,0,1,4,22,21,1,0,14,1,0,4,15,19,0,3,14,6,55,17,50,49,8,38,0,7,2,7,35,18,7,3,15,240,77,8,0.0,0.0748872059121858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546098294054674,0.0,0.0,0.10518270752697632,0.0,0.0,0.04298134715096804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419417913393862,0.0,0.05201206306983114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541159357037256,0.0,0.0,0.07121002612752697,0.1989882245480574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444137968818904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092758176139492,0.0,0.0,0.08152357462645715,0.06516124578485155,0.1633142848152603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468032787864941,0.07407540970372012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279939666201418,0.0,0.0,0.06530732612004934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056804287447073824,0.0,0.0595837435858339,0.0,0.03195818334074839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888396446804107,0.0,0.0,0.06930066505166965,0.29299065596511664,0.1168634092362932,0.033021834602557955,0.1212633692380569,0.10776202199572807,0.10602616722920864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323795030271072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423647621143908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532382606063156,0.0,0.3413594810012541,0.0,0.06272088842023857,0.05617922022623754,0.0,0.0,0.06947127411496079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686720655526215,0.06463106359356184,0.08928666387380334,0.0,0.06334768994921698,0.1116217739771326,0.05593414944231851,0.0,0.0,0.0689953702723962,0.0,0.1140893757702395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884842139429867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468654664888923,0.0487473426782661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606465913889174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848737289228362,0.04807000431074388,0.0,0.0,0.1403626261525834,0.0,0.06033601512688759,0.08763632843909855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194075870365146,0.04049053397886968,0.0,0.0,0.13571633695369406,0.0,0.05397644807288702,0.0,0.0,0.06327890695378513,0.31983253291479746,0.0503659437407985,0.0,0.0659362616341287,0.0,0.32439345887334103,0.0,0.0,0.0632503217939637,0.0,0.05355311698035427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607525070041151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456011099989274,0.0,0.08398075670587987,0.0809980087458024,0.0,0.050177452818571035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291182623023393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183926667936686,0.05016892997866526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703238935131728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046013756988703074,0.0,0.06441096470582082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070173918278595
suicidewatch,wownice55,2018/03/08,What’s the point if more bad things happen then good things 17 male here! I really don’t care about anything anymore I’ll probably end up killing myself eventually. The only reason why I’m not dead right now is because the feeling of  love that I have experienced in the past from a girl I used to have a thing with . But I’m trying to decide weather or not going threw so much bad shit is worth feeling love. I can’t think of any thing else that I would miss if I go.I don’t think I’ll make it much longer if I don’t find that feeling again or other stuff worth living for.,4.85026932084309,4.4305176803278705,5.521896955503514,86.51549180327869,68.91803278688525,8.282903981264639,26.444964871194376,7.447530270364453,1.1089751756440274,455,11,102,4,7,148,81,122,0.132,0.665,0.203,0.7478,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,6,0,9,3,1,3,0,20,25,8,2,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,1,0,0,8,0,2,2,6,5,0,0,1,4,8,4,10,23,3,11,0,1,0,2,4,4,1,5,5,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630092684594802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502446985951135,0.0,0.0,0.12863557980332946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26103634724942504,0.09528939815156298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593756092387128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058280333478453,0.0,0.13845047313205586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711573051691398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287091482515546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776771177305352,0.13111129121664253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823061531749056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729416107969218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803078331027693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28216440832006257,0.0,0.10434281770913872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22982197619850536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188861296918588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492222732724383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147770100165871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685361748958877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014067905603694,0.16071992039866487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334938720707559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045716398734342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894557744024472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154003011447273,0.20032325585590866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612898857972147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350077071000194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105178758101022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104311864409262,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2Crazy4LifeOrReddit,2018/03/08,"Should I? I am a few months away from being bankrupt, homeless and jobless.
At this point I have practically failed my vocational school. I don't have money for food, clothes or even my meds. I want to die before I crash into yet another psychosis. I fear them so much and I don't ever want to experience another again... I'd rather die.

And yes Reddit, I am a human, I have a soul; stop asking everytime I post.",1.4486043360433598,3.8258661097560975,3.6486991869918697,85.13112466124663,83.02439024390246,6.571273712737128,22.52574525745257,7.793537801064563,1.2519143631436314,319,11,64,6,9,109,57,82,0.271,0.6659999999999999,0.063,-0.9612,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,1,3,1,9,1,0,0,1,11,12,5,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,14,0,7,10,2,10,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,46,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329446284806223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929952929238811,0.0,0.19395894465396546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566683720123427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285081630007084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363529166684691,0.1867385021214086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019397745866853,0.0,0.2323045125441295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24963034427420305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22931039293230335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477994137578492,0.0,0.15175853745321882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951543072723267,0.0,0.19771425802952491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893020692051167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259465797618986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352954254118156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuckingSexySenpai,2018/03/08,"I'm probably going to get arrested and I don't see the point in living My friend's dad is crazy and he found everything we sent to each other...

Don't send stupid messages on the internet, no matter how much you think someone else isn't going to see, because look what we've fucking done, now me and my two best friends are in trouble

No one's going to hire me if I get arrested

I wonder where I could get a gun",4.764886363636363,4.233459352272732,6.024000000000001,83.221,69.11363636363637,9.312727272727274,30.1,8.841846274778883,2.1501063636363638,325,11,71,5,5,110,62,88,0.192,0.6890000000000001,0.119,-0.7117,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,1,1,0,1,3,6,2,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,12,22,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,3,0,2,3,3,10,3,7,18,3,11,0,0,3,1,9,5,1,2,1,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238253175256432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106871263112374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029196362105794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054490275578615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677107252796307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043176341056985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012495469551266,0.3102161420935069,0.1856010519128663,0.3146692679109716,0.0,0.3422926777401102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772763502444706,0.0,0.16858935143323736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758302521133787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604139352184544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978479585803412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216455179440268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199623286695399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010482425117734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864005700596753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611510977611504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177176115127628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tokessho,2018/03/08,"Is it weird to hate people for trying to help me? I've got a lot suicidal thoughts past few weeks... I've told few close friends, they are actively trying to help me, but everytime I have serious talk with them, I just find meself more and more pissed off... I cut my arm quite a lot, but not because I want to kill meself like that (I am quite tempted to jump under a driving car and stuff like this...), but because the pain helps me to feel at ease. They just keep telling me the same things and think that that will help me, but it just deepens my depressions...
What should I do?",4.921758241758241,4.8930629829059855,4.8465201465201435,90.08538461538464,68.74358974358975,8.395115995115995,27.825396825396822,7.957251820313856,1.3648422466422472,447,13,101,5,7,138,75,117,0.211,0.621,0.168,-0.8471,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,3,2,3,11,4,0,5,0,7,3,2,0,0,23,15,7,2,2,8,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,8,0,0,3,1,16,3,11,10,7,9,0,1,0,0,11,4,1,2,4,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674327832104689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605511314232367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574245827184329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549889173436615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101359582548325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562500302064948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742067998200413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546514811632789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072647886874738,0.18761014482119331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569202867308486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883340194202253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044026754474465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187898430103054,0.1175622868510491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607287946049898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412335495185484,0.1854880527944905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629834807194924,0.14821644457189725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265841444608073,0.10865712094676787,0.0,0.13462399000001987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203663891381784,0.0,0.23026124048941396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002001213235634,0.0,0.13602322207237544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tozeyays,2018/03/08,"my life story Before I start I would like to say that I'am typing in tears. This is the first time I EVER shared. I never shared with anyone before, not even in the internet.

I'am a almost 25 year old male (English is not native tong so excuse some mistakes).

Let's begin... I've been suffering since I was 4-5 years old (even tho at that age was not a big deal, but I remember well to already be aware of one of the issues). My father was quite abusive in my early years. I couldn't do anything or speak... I was beaten a lot and so was my mother. And one of the many things I should have done was leave the house at 18. I regret a lot for not leaving, even tho know my father is not the same person anymore.

So... my first real problem was week penis development (also known as micro penis, I think.). I remember going to pee with my friends when I was at that young age and seeing the noticeable difference in size.

Then at age 11-12... I got really fat (over 30 Kg's for my age)... in top of that I developed big gynecomastia (male breast gland). And got bad acne for a lot of years, it only slowly started to going away at age 21-22... 
I mean some of the issues can happen to a lot of people but having that stuff all the the same time was really.. really painful.

Fast forwarding... at the age of 17 I did a big diet I lost all the weight and I started to feel a little better. At 23 I did a surgery to fix my chest (the end result was great, huge difference) and also made me feel a little better.

After I recovered from the surgery (1 month, more or less) I was being pressure a lot.. like everyday from my parents to get a new job. Don't get me wrong, I'am a very hard working guy and even tho when I'm alone I'm lazy, at work I always given my 100% and more. And I've always liked to impress others. 
My head at this point was so fucked that I didn't know what to do. I wanted to work but also I didn't... Then I told my parents I was going to start my studies again (which as a lie, and I regret so much for doing this). I still live with my parents and lying to them and other family members for this long is killing me. I think about this 24/7, I can't really sleep with the amount of stress I'am having... my hair has started to fall.. I developed some sort of itchiness and rashes all over my body. 

I feel the most awful person in the world for doing this.
I already had very low motivation for doing things, but now it's just insane.

I'am a very good looking guy. I've always had compliments throughout my years. Now I'am at my best form (body shape) I ever had and even get more complements. But because of my issues , and especially ""the issue"", I could never get a girlfriend and never will.

I'am aware that there is a lot people in life conditions that I can't imagine, but having average to high IQ and being aware of things makes it worse. The only thing that makes me feel good is helping others (especially old people, because I love my grandparents as my mom and dad. And they raised me till 4 years old) and also animals.

Everything I said in here is 100% truth. I have no reason to lie.
I just want to share at least once.

If you read this, I want to say thank you for taking the time.",2.0050796839426823,3.7075295877862615,3.718143832864609,88.87247221106203,77.54961832061069,6.428552296772466,20.19351814651132,7.273561745256523,0.4552646310432569,2460,57,522,30,57,823,283,655,0.126,0.75,0.124,-0.7652,5,1,0,0,0,0,114.0,0,2,2,13,31,34,3,2,37,1,53,18,10,6,9,94,96,49,1,12,16,8,7,3,2,3,5,4,0,6,29,24,3,0,15,1,0,5,15,15,1,4,29,13,74,19,72,58,24,90,0,5,2,3,32,35,1,15,55,362,103,8,0.0,0.06748620908735516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057035457000192476,0.05899156642283895,0.1257096843521466,0.1821979589290892,0.14218147357901195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648727611566864,0.03982653080920585,0.0,0.04687178431401668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535141482244739,0.0,0.04755775729040222,0.06944243768949715,0.0,0.0969345464410804,0.0,0.0597741664244528,0.10074988202610724,0.0,0.12653554471214998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045476525679283585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872145186703333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901849082311927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058288062398478876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044810094330777,0.0,0.0,0.18810192555063,0.10304399108347063,0.0,0.0,0.05119039992234043,0.0,0.05369516633530354,0.0,0.11519920481556264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689731199529948,0.0,0.0,0.04400580051971585,0.052656981752194736,0.1190333332531856,0.0,0.09711205351429036,0.09554775082344114,0.0911094270912558,0.06279666865257777,0.0,0.11279523944334785,0.050367989918972116,0.0,0.051023401779159885,0.0,0.058455594113844864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381779124906917,0.06017951542444401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657221699440441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377984475682844,0.05652227157515199,0.0,0.06301586149481585,0.0,0.0626055261827349,0.0,0.0,0.1206211193921811,0.0,0.0582436668331288,0.0804625889496485,0.08348076757477146,0.11417425438804232,0.05029517582853559,0.050406256428021386,0.047830582373002827,0.0,0.0621766552449882,0.2905431896981713,0.0514070419245228,0.05389527072288092,0.07604014462961088,0.05774672274194152,0.0,0.06204422911703158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670881075742613,0.04546352952649762,0.0,0.0418708654147902,0.0,0.13178913488758295,0.0550106301051117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484734198934172,0.2390723962422759,0.060658674385041314,0.07719276482965197,0.0866386273123603,0.06060759090892544,0.0,0.18973617898812767,0.0,0.0,0.11846303075369695,0.0994674890003891,0.0,0.0,0.05384395416590704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450135022086155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058210705952196,0.056973660941729336,0.06483095509626392,0.145955646702103,0.058562564536263476,0.0,0.0,0.12904518153227046,0.0,0.05418033642416038,0.09059096866965208,0.0,0.0,0.04538834863406757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711645069986199,0.0,0.056999381796074576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157670276335327,0.0,0.04548692981473339,0.0,0.06524547976140932,0.0,0.06520356593836593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282551337646684,0.0,0.0,0.05243950146855128,0.0,0.0,0.15136211419112588,0.07299308990494949,0.0,0.0,0.0996384360196564,0.0,0.0,0.05442604612138843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098955734763755,0.10078634986262804,0.0,0.045688470260287856,0.06935980048635039,0.05121230467127004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439884706109987,0.0,0.058045320007699075,0.04046150462103301,0.062274901891773635,0.0,0.22007546260407526
suicidewatch,nopointhrowaway,2018/03/08,"Seriously considering suicide at this point I've had ptsd from an abusive relationship that ended over a year ago now. Finally recovered from it after being hospitalised and going through therapy.

Only now to have entered a new relationship, found out he was manipulating me and cheated me and tried to shift the blame. He really fucked with my head over and over. And the worst part is is that he was my best friend or so I thought. He was the only thing to me that brought me any happiness and it turns out it was a lie.

And I'm trying so hard not to go down the self harm and suicide route again. So fucking hard. But it's really taking a toll on me. It's been 4 and a half weeks and I feel even shittier now. I don't want him to get the best of me, but I feel like I can't cope. He knew the issues I had and yet he fucked me over. And the worst part is that I still love him. And I know I would take him back which would be incredibly stupid.

I just feel alone. I don't have anyone to talk to. And I actually don't. No close friends. My family aren't people I can go to.

I just feel like giving up.",1.2616065830721013,3.138816681034484,3.2727272727272734,90.38136363636364,80.4655172413793,6.97680250783699,20.45924764890282,8.00094639256281,0.7177258620689657,858,23,198,16,22,290,125,232,0.204,0.6890000000000001,0.108,-0.9659,0,1,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,2,13,17,5,0,13,0,22,5,1,1,0,36,45,20,2,3,6,0,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,12,18,0,0,8,0,0,5,7,9,0,1,11,6,27,8,24,30,6,31,0,0,0,4,17,12,3,1,16,137,39,0,0.0,0.13353851811802214,0.10998507629800444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990732153976102,0.0,0.0,0.11672972105115345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664413881307028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880685517775812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666417639068258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365565858271649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998243157074884,0.0,0.0,0.07444143842977886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624945510327463,0.0,0.22795073700957305,0.16103478536246085,0.0,0.12346422641924334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357662437620058,0.17415319276249625,0.3125854336841103,0.05888438224728134,0.10811813869138934,0.19216073762433694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997793638196773,0.2019253875739221,0.0,0.11566916440019802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763607975790435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061940426833131376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101251958886396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172182275857113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885243258317344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171436417299664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440998474927414,0.0,0.07813634712706775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654386942408893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317476161077925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440506464311373,0.0,0.0,0.24200874235385786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757723581233215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000738496565079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465647661215914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948220003095282,0.09058904282194724,0.0,0.0,0.12888945959967532,0.0,0.07487704785036235,0.0,0.0,0.08947620105076735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530403388595662,0.1225920738952648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647708714214744,0.0,0.0904061836654763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601266226385397,0.0,0.0,0.07257915246122221
suicidewatch,owkdokso,2018/03/08,If i kill my self with my parents gun will they get in trouble OK so i want to die and my parents have a gun. if i use their gun will they get in trouble. i ask this because i want to die but i dont want my death to cause any trouble.,-0.6867272727272749,0.5387792363636379,1.787272727272729,101.84090909090912,83.9090909090909,4.4,21.909090909090907,3.1291,-0.5341636363636368,178,6,49,0,5,61,32,55,0.318,0.515,0.16699999999999998,-0.8269,2,0,0,3,0,2,3.0,0,0,3,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,11,5,4,5,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,13,1,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961788965346706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056845245185699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411923189011485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260162299880097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566821108631322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578561913417585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298977362606598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24341423549584976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886017145392123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22952385095530944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900225033082886,0.0,0.0,0.38931201951824623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2mommys_call_medaddy,2018/03/08,Good ride cowboy I'm planning on finding a nice tree in a park today to hang myself. Attempted this morning reconsidered for my family's sake. An hour later got into with them and they told me to get lost. Bpd sucks ass and I'm not normal I never will be but that makes me a black sheep. Just tired of it. Been going down hill for a few years now attempted prob a dozen times. Multiple psych visits nothing changes. They just dope you up and send you on your way. I've seen what electro therapy does to people as well. I'd rather die with a little of myself then some zombie that can't remember his name. ,0.9739024390243928,3.4411437886178886,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439026,86.72357723577234,5.5564227642276425,17.956097560975607,7.03164865440522,0.2572595121951222,478,12,98,7,15,156,98,123,0.12,0.8270000000000001,0.053,-0.8537,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,3,4,5,5,1,0,7,0,4,2,1,1,1,18,14,6,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,5,2,13,3,16,7,2,21,0,1,2,1,11,7,2,1,8,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643699778489095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220533193338643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784988056142435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369065468013712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978812337843874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918508029723484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966751969125528,0.0,0.11929474150890593,0.17605967267331746,0.16788146003332866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671568982156693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038152841947613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291378180232099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011426598894436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189288776375255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566387204124048,0.20141101593538996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552278652046294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237783225924628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004645729802565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239820948248673,0.2412567246800615,0.1989668854280642,0.20057472378897012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661406558853906,0.0,0.0,0.18873121595360398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351729495656413
suicidewatch,itchybuttorbit,2018/03/08,"I'm worried about myself. I keep having these thoughts, only when I'm sad though. I'm just a bit worried about myself because I'm in a bad place in life and these thoughts keep coming back. Sometimes I joke about it. It's just really been on my mind. 

 Of course I'd never do it. I'll just endure any pain I may face until I'm dead by exposure, or starving, or something else. Just not myself. I just hate myself right now. I've been uninterested in my studies for years, I'm probably gonna fail another class soon. My department keeps giving me holds so I have to talk to professors who dislike me, and that frightens me an awful lot. 

I'm a bit of an asshole I think. I just don't feel like I really contribute to anyone's life. I don't think I'm very likeable. I do have a few friends but I wonder if I am just totally self absorbed around them. I don't think I am but that might mean I actually am. It takes effort to remember to talk about them.

For the first time in 4 years a girl has been interested in me. I don't like her much, best I can say is she had a huge chest. I knew she has a bf who lives far away that she's generally upset with. She was obviously interested in me. Last week I gave in and I was the guy she cheated with. I'd never done that, I didn't enjoy it and I hate myself for it. It's been tearing me apart, I haven't told anyone.

I just feel like a great disappointment. This will be my 7th year in college next year because I'm a lousy student. 

I have trouble saving money. It's because I impulse buy. The last few months I've thought I should buy a handgun for self defense, since violence seems to be on the rise and my state may make it so I couldn't have a gun in the future. Now I have one that I'm in the waiting period for.

I guess with all that going on I'm concerned for myself. I have suicidal thoughts, not serious. But I'm impulsive, as proved by my inability to save money.  And soon I'll have a handgun, which will be locked away in a safe that I never go in anyway. 

So I'm worried about myself. ",0.2511156148371576,2.4013826443418007,2.654017061790076,91.77379742659193,86.29792147806006,5.659405193948249,20.615025686949142,7.043009809895983,0.4770285997077819,1587,51,355,23,49,543,198,433,0.16399999999999998,0.723,0.113,-0.9643,0,0,1,3,0,0,47.0,0,0,2,4,25,25,4,1,21,1,41,5,2,1,7,67,83,19,2,3,16,0,2,3,2,7,3,1,0,4,22,11,0,7,15,1,4,5,12,12,0,2,16,3,59,13,45,56,9,52,0,3,0,0,22,23,0,10,26,233,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.09004507179305833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274875841555662,0.09675621537021203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903876000484502,0.0,0.0,0.08214247310845403,0.0,0.0,0.17338691543792256,0.07095218958471435,0.07704404456873218,0.16874616999835118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683475009015524,0.0,0.2014762880755578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948496112465167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442724663889357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708219507394512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331193453779504,0.1318396031280984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848730942431137,0.0,0.0,0.07128983891778158,0.0,0.0,0.0885166050548499,0.10488166817776662,0.0,0.0,0.10173123406333344,0.10164903832097416,0.09136471051135862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220083545101806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604926682977196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042951132361287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035020241384193,0.1352396821067226,0.0,0.08147869010021487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844714767757784,0.0,0.0,0.061592899094075775,0.0,0.0,0.10051227445685093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788699983321388,0.09316935797942014,0.0,0.07365137455290062,0.0,0.0678312226005559,0.0,0.2134997224522764,0.0,0.09813331074922646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252652724563612,0.070177723302507,0.09818490612746147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964055753879105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948582798483067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822480695325327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452724522565784,0.07880058036243151,0.0,0.07337913965423523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400181240894916,0.19252158558793295,0.0,0.0,0.07632912345875546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103621164672129,0.09126028986161536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009316118802391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937776188872598,0.14833097614925558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737430838590035,0.09065768789096064,0.2930176063362026,0.0538050891016708,0.0,0.0,0.08817074147275585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613483308788818,0.0,0.0,0.07401578080136254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006605942272707,0.0,0.2811229266010675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768297350969456
suicidewatch,cheezepleeze95,2018/03/08,"i have a plethora of issues they are all piling up and I'm tired of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE even though i shouldn't be, even though I know most people disliking me is my fault.
i need someone to chat with please
",4.248062015503876,5.244149,4.81860465116279,86.0448062015504,70.62790697674419,8.524031007751939,25.96124031007752,8.841846274778883,1.71804496124031,169,5,35,3,3,54,35,43,0.193,0.753,0.054000000000000006,-0.7076,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366477300913554,0.0,0.0,0.2650944484429845,0.2493344969928976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28956286921023977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524672341242593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570942861017094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233372032019572,0.0,0.0,0.30453275516177764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350639376849762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451434198496886,0.0,0.0,0.3188628016235557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riddlethrowaway1112,2018/03/08,"I can't kill myself because I can't leave my brother alone but I can't handle being alive anymore and I don't know what to do. My parents were fairly absent when I was growing up. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom dumped me off with random relatives so she could move far away with her new abusive alcoholic husband. I bounced around from relative to relative (my maternal grandma who I lived with moved to California while I was at school one day in 8th grade without telling me and left me with a house of stuff to deal with) but my paternal grandma kicked me out (because she has dementia and was convinced i hid underwear under her pillow to humiliate her) when I was 15 so I had to move in with my boyfriend and his family at the time. My whole family believed her and I became estranged. My little brother is 16 and he and I are like parents to our parents. They are poor and have no money management skills. They have shitty jobs and can't take care of themselves financially or emotionally. We do everything for them. I can't kill myself because I can't burden my brother with being their sole provider. 

Somehow despite this (and dropping out of high school because I didn't want to do senior project) I ended up ok. I worked full time from 16 onward (I'm 23 now). I put myself through college, working 40 hours a week and attending two years early. I graduated from a public ivy. I have a good job in my dream industry. I am conventionally attractive and fit. I have hobbies. I sort of have friends, that's part of the reason I feel so awful right now.


My parents can't take care of themselves and I keep having to lend them money or buy them food

When I was 17 I started dating a man who was 28 and we were in a relationship for 6 years, and I tried to leave a few times. It was very very emotionally manipulative and abusive. Nonstop gaslighting. He wouldn't let me talk to other men and made me feel guilty about everything. He shrunk me. I feel like a shell of a person. I broke up with him again in October and he just tells me we can't break up. It's hard because I am also in love with him and we have a life and a house together. I've been living with my dad since the break up but I still see him. I am too weak and too suicidal to leave him entirely. I hate myself and want to die because I still love him even though he's been horrible to me, forcing me into horrific sexual situations that traumatized me. I was raped when I was 14 by my first boyfriend ever and the things my ex did to me bring that up so much.

My best friend told my other best friend she can't handle my drama. My drama is me trying to leave an abusive relationship. And I never talk about it with my friends anyway, and haven't for six months, because I'm afraid they'll get sick of it. 

 I feel like killing myself is the only way to get out of this relationship thing with my ex. I can't see myself living without him. I love him. But I know he's so toxic for me. I have felt guilty every single day for 6 years. I turn 24 in less than a month and I feel like I had really good years stolen from me. He would tell me I could go out and have fun with my friends but if I did he would stomp around the house and ignore me and roll his eyes and be really mean to me for days. But if I didn't go out and stayed in with him instead he would do the same thing and say I was letting him dictate my life. He never wanted to eat food and would be grumpy about being hungry constantly and it was somehow always my fault. He forced me to have horrible threesomes that were very traumatic and I said no many times verbally and no one listened to me or cared. 

He would get mad if I talked to any man ever and would ignore me for days if he saw me texting one, and would go through my instagram and fb friends and act standoffish and rude if he saw a guy he didn't like on there,  and I'd ask him for days what's wrong and he would say nothing and then finally he'd say I probably slept with them. He forced me into an open relationship and would encourage me to date other people but when I did he would be horrible to me. 
- Somehow after all this I love him and I don't know why or how. He seems to have changed so much but I'm sure he's just controlling and manipulating me in the opposite way now - being nice instead of being mean. He's fixed all the major problems/reasons I broke up with him for. I want to be with him. But I also desperately want to be alone. I've asked him to move out three times and he just says no. I can't afford to go anywhere else right now (super expensive city) and my dad is kicking me out soon and I really want/need my house back. I feel like I am 100000000% unable to leave him or cut contact and that I need him for happiness.

I have a blog where I talk about some of this stuff and I got annoyed with people diagnosing me (you're definitely bipolar! no, you're borderline. nope, you're depressed! et al) and was kinda snarky at them and have posted about being suicidal and i have two girls coming after me right now sending me super nasty messages over and over about how i can't take criticism and how i can't handle anyone having a dissenting opinion about me or my life. they're posting on their own blogs about me and that's what made me snap this morning. My last post before that was about how hard it was to not kill myself and I can't imagine that people are so cruel as to see that and still send me nasty messages. I turned off my inbox and changed my url so they can't find me as easily and have decided to take a break from it for now. 


I'm in therapy 1x a week. I'm prescribed an SSRI but I hate SSRIs so I haven't started taking it yet. I don't know what to do with myself.  I don't think I'll ever actually kill myself because of my brother/family. ",2.5251271509060484,4.12289970519263,3.9970534490635012,87.88695218516827,75.81742043551087,7.1022993756662105,24.12090756814375,7.8636836590182275,1.1484931323283092,4544,144,971,68,99,1506,423,1194,0.175,0.696,0.129,-0.997,7,3,2,0,0,7,92.0,5,0,11,9,62,57,14,1,30,2,110,19,2,10,8,193,178,109,8,24,27,14,9,6,6,12,9,6,1,6,36,99,5,4,19,5,5,16,36,24,0,8,37,21,195,33,139,113,16,134,1,3,6,5,124,50,0,20,64,677,231,13,0.0,0.14149414231063026,0.03884583079368247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508302465954617,0.0,0.08245596848541051,0.0,0.06366719037378675,0.03312256258407962,0.0,0.0,0.027070083941143373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039477787603017366,0.02783393770008209,0.0,0.0,0.07087323154517396,0.0744282298996165,0.0,0.03739993008400992,0.03060907938841325,0.0,0.1941275270649001,0.0,0.03387277364870418,0.044848789358612584,0.08354985435728611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175748363460125,0.0,0.08422092769222415,0.03429015368644171,0.0,0.043017159993530715,0.044646867572978366,0.06356520424223228,0.0,0.0,0.12836091436181046,0.0410392067728775,0.03428565871616183,0.04040320572722085,0.041313318561424665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073243698657851,0.03325359009019005,0.08955489828217679,0.03525713312742041,0.0,0.0,0.026292108153349432,0.108022967475823,0.033539063441277744,0.0,0.07155182102636784,0.0,0.1125793196800552,0.0,0.12076550824736415,0.11375234231120188,0.03822090454246925,0.04360655654372491,0.036382821597310704,0.0338597624571303,0.09626941865825048,0.0,0.18452845656718175,0.0,0.06239244885289715,0.0,0.09049280442034716,0.06677634455642557,0.03183724600187883,0.0,0.0,0.03941512860575703,0.0,0.042375227372131036,0.07131839793784504,0.07860222312514675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042058217201231166,0.0,0.0,0.039201816972468335,0.18372745469599272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900449041000829,0.035382236902222794,0.2202024036899388,0.0,0.08750741177026203,0.032447968705511615,0.0,0.2107490066458465,0.043250356309022665,0.08141058541222064,0.08435045593379245,0.11668595966657112,0.03989701110064454,0.10545077079391607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370926849013269,0.0753325774125913,0.0,0.04035798877093219,0.0,0.08672285397722353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662140650823585,0.06354703875808712,0.16923390805293206,0.058525361648341434,0.029516341294262657,0.061403131622347215,0.038445790282944085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819583211005153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092263737928865,0.03027497130726052,0.0,0.0,0.17680358220527218,0.043107036389075884,0.0,0.08279135919614533,0.034757884201408774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437213334154347,0.0,0.04291861357109895,0.0,0.0,0.04001696901156592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650403439751427,0.08185632741492092,0.0,0.17095102303875806,0.0,0.1019847266568221,0.03786551522210377,0.12662430429709146,0.0,0.08057349605820416,0.09516293103025368,0.036238742734305336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03292871176029751,0.04474466791449912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056351113416147625,0.042428901092600654,0.09536962006783503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911388441461824,0.08708466190896312,0.0,0.03751756944260004,0.0,0.14964932258411529,0.12798124064353145,0.10437905922053783,0.0,0.045522704599778537,0.0,0.07933788553034125,0.02550667953836986,0.039110116010038234,0.0,0.11605873289134525,0.0,0.0,0.0380372366416197,0.0,0.054052597934638166,0.08659703878877026,0.07777119155753393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853468217897604,0.1408749858999333,0.06319379152959965,0.06386145160014571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03591957138247489,0.044443026434620565,0.0,0.07674493845007663,0.0,0.05795985220084063,0.0,0.0,0.2827770774885309,0.043522639414369714,0.0,0.10253745582785673
suicidewatch,Pane502,2018/03/08,"I just want to get off the merrygo round Just got out of a breakup of 10 years that was like a divorce.. she was my support network...  for the last 6 months.. my no
life  now has been work, gymn home.. sure I go clubbing on the weekends  but my life just seems like a meaningless  cycle. I literally go through my whole day and speak to a number of people on one hand (at best)  what makes it worst is give. The break up I've been a little unstable and I think my co workers have noticee..


It's been about 6 months.. I'm tired.. I just want it all to stop. I have nothing to look forward to, no friends and my family  only calls me when they need money. I'm 30, no wife no kids and barely speak to one person a day. I've thought about joining the military just to get away and if I live enough to see July I will. I'M just tired.

I've seen three different therpaist since the break up and it feels good to talk about it but I always end up at the same spot.. If I wasn't such a pussy I would of ended this a while ago....


..I'm ranting....but I'm so tired..Im fighting my damned for a reason.. yet 6 months later nothing.",0.03252933507170752,2.067180610169494,1.8500000000000008,97.96599087353329,86.11864406779665,4.817209908735332,19.246414602346803,6.093298490706669,-0.26331303780964754,848,24,202,7,26,278,135,236,0.149,0.748,0.103,-0.9346,1,0,0,0,3,0,44.0,0,0,1,3,14,10,2,0,16,0,12,5,1,2,2,32,35,13,0,6,10,1,3,2,1,2,4,2,1,2,8,7,0,1,6,2,1,3,5,3,0,3,9,8,21,7,29,24,6,33,0,0,4,0,13,12,1,3,20,121,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706316282722895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098844436036595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407465447955746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858875254461656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484795708177616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033546386153153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797452277118885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339318068722669,0.13645321294099333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449435207918134,0.0,0.06677347023190529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020291768763129,0.0,0.1379917291497188,0.12668392144984034,0.15010540682990658,0.11076560650829508,0.10562039256198144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246688060553893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264738955892167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764647144142983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865556727275451,0.12903562560789614,0.13235874655273666,0.11661134055124894,0.0,0.11089708382525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088151030937831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316226936496856,0.0,0.0,0.09792076721427063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343013534883657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897445707975593,0.10043753012075464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155372985172608,0.1153096399657194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577960597998676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523466898038232,0.12022240344922125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924134149284498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040801748853676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986004732424565,0.12446492426716077,0.0,0.0,0.10614477204263753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461867291022282,0.0,0.10484083579999964,0.0,0.3035669330474877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578474042673662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744019939382094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614120426631664,0.0,0.0,0.09381158762948882,0.0,0.0,0.08504226728817829
suicidewatch,uselessthiefpos,2018/03/08,"I have 0 value as a human being Some people might look at me and think I have it all. A job, a house, Im about to be married...etc But I suffer crippling mental illness. I suffer from Anxiety, depression and likely bi polar as well. The depression has been all of my life the anxiety is new. I just hate myself relentlessly as a person. Last year I dragged my self and my partner down and in desperation and while in the worst mental state of my life I shop lifted. Though the charges were withdrawn and all is set to be alright and having learned my lesson, I still hate myself for it. I look at myself like pure scum and I know my mother cant look at me the same anymore. although lawyers have seemed to have said its going to be alright in the long term, I have this crippling and nagging believe Ive destroyed my life and my future as well as my partners over a very stupid act that I will never not regret. I constantly feel alone and disconnected from the world, my whole life i have been the black sheep and I always will be. I dont have a place in the world and certainly not now as a piece of shit thief. Im a loser in my mid twenties going into my late twenties with no college education and a joke of a job. everything about me is a joke. Im a fat piece of shit who cant exersize or lose weight to save my life. Im a terrible partner to my girl but im all she has but she could do so much better then a miserable burden like me. I dont even know why Im getting married. nobody gives two shits about me or her. nobody ever hits us up for anything unless they want something or are feeling depressed. ive tried everything to make new and better friends and its always the same result. just everything in my life is so scuffed and im the biggest piece of shit anyone could ever meet. there is no redemption or redeeming me. im a pathetic thief and i dont deserve to live on this planet. i have literally 0 worth as a human being, i make no positive difference to anyone in any capacity, im just a burden with my mental problems and i will always be that way. I will never amount to anything. I think im going to drive up to the bridge and jump off. that or go into a path and noose. ""oh but so many people care about you, what about your fiancee"" lol truth is....yeah there will be pain...but then they will be set free of the massive weight that I am that weights them down. They will go on and find better things and not be held back anymore by a useless piece of shit like me.",1.9798164439181176,3.8009378579766526,3.6211334799526327,89.00281678227036,78.00778210116732,6.2594484858737935,23.236169852816786,7.1686216300943375,0.8152432414143118,1945,62,410,23,46,647,226,514,0.181,0.6970000000000001,0.122,-0.9828,2,1,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,2,4,6,22,46,10,1,32,3,49,17,6,3,11,78,75,48,0,5,16,1,5,4,5,8,8,1,0,8,14,27,4,1,10,3,3,8,13,27,2,1,5,10,62,20,60,49,16,56,0,10,4,1,25,25,5,8,23,291,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799336269400473,0.0,0.0,0.1397756029486168,0.0,0.0,0.03807814582721567,0.0,0.08567120128828197,0.0,0.11106289559736396,0.07830524212586508,0.0,0.09215732189086416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043056275374800015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308656984900345,0.0,0.14856762086561934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709007315324621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060510107573650364,0.0,0.08941402331574133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446838120503828,0.0,0.0,0.05850228197132571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968752335520136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062448612715353034,0.03698380583321823,0.10130037072600784,0.0,0.0,0.15097260214460526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566249522774441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511779124660318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326117282405072,0.0,0.02925478880552208,0.05371497828031936,0.1591146803665094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105658527328624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646100768249195,0.0,0.0,0.6048361421252315,0.0,0.11113170219117142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154617018541661,0.045642949864942856,0.063164178041809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730321402937,0.10942423864988901,0.0,0.04944412482076001,0.049553325811424895,0.14106370518493844,0.0626434662237922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475345976068723,0.0567695831698917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692877053415997,0.05940126224575103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116236322505383,0.0,0.08637274288646696,0.10815957660267696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059582042226130574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763900192203736,0.04889219354267052,0.05850228197132571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357912600618293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326354412438596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050975243868177936,0.058414422818975124,0.0,0.2873874890190771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043107262906833976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471723974363352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720022419602536,0.07175796463297428,0.055014262386016685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038016555673969485,0.0,0.05469844090108535,0.0,0.06735442839697006,0.0,0.0,0.04620128509399471,0.03302697711224778,0.04444578772771115,0.0,0.20455846368734956,0.10069146962156243,0.0,0.050526281341674736,0.06251580324832949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605858966169039
suicidewatch,dante15k,2018/03/08,"I feel like I have everything in life yet I am truly alone hey everyone, 

I guess I'm writing this because I just want to get it off my chest or something, I honestly don't think anyone will be sympathetic to me or even believe me however; I want to die and its weird. I have a job, a goal to get somewhere in life, a girlfriend, a family who supports me and loves me, and I have a few friends. I have everything in life but day by day it hurts my soul to get out of bed and do normal stuff like getting ready for my job. I know my job doesn't give a shit about me the only like when I am working to the point I am losing my sanity. I think my girlfriend is in love with another man even though she says she loves me and lastly I think my family hates me cause I am at home rather than out doing something better with my life. I've gone to therapy. I take antidepressants to slow my descent into madness everytime I walk into work. I just don't know if I can go on anymore. I'm a 22-year-old loser with everything yet feels like I got nothing. sorry for wasting a space on this subreddit for my stupid story.",2.575435823754788,3.8263514956896567,4.339252873563222,86.90881226053642,74.99137931034483,7.74176245210728,25.819923371647512,8.344100000000001,1.5584273946360154,865,30,188,15,18,293,126,232,0.119,0.672,0.209,0.9542,4,1,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,6,10,19,4,0,10,0,17,9,2,1,0,32,43,11,1,5,7,0,2,4,3,1,4,1,2,1,7,12,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,2,3,40,11,30,39,1,24,1,3,0,3,14,14,1,4,11,123,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082504268276896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959755207503287,0.0,0.0,0.10365501580387454,0.07308229329359764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371396773872566,0.0,0.0,0.11775740871041893,0.0,0.09243878738523437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073700660445388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481254563268685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847448523350554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806796437317634,0.0,0.0,0.09987262723206536,0.2818055008755336,0.0,0.19706290328747886,0.0,0.10569615156605768,0.14933715331978434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075131714605786,0.0,0.21842798746892214,0.1002643932990242,0.059400701266825014,0.0,0.08359359624358377,0.0,0.11513974299360365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319112562977094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484133474970964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118900242020796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31115769902214113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488209827276875,0.08519714282865135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953001632480204,0.2042513140968457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693031136117395,0.0,0.0,0.28299812503999217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024066783663572,0.1002890440777112,0.0,0.109675376097173,0.0,0.0,0.07949160324972418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880447958902483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311790667612312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728751328113327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092805770411425,0.0,0.11700074886125955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964954096867045,0.0,0.11860721197107747,0.0,0.0,0.07858547218238733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952687704223068,0.0,0.0,0.20091515491501447,0.1026896373696997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329632920557496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218252492470413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730697342518514
suicidewatch,ToPartingWays,2018/03/08,"I'm strangely calm today I feel like my life's gotten progressively worse every passing year. Really toyed with the idea of suicide after I found out I got cheated on. It's been almost 3 months now. There was a time when I laid out the plan in detail. I think about dying before going to sleep. It's just so calming. I'm not even afraid. I feel like it's just going to be another task that I do that day. 

What a strange calm day today. Weather was fine, wasn't very cold.

",0.8071985157699437,3.0776122244897977,2.574341372912801,92.47390538033396,84.91836734693878,4.788126159554731,18.092764378478662,6.11248444174946,-0.20458367346938733,370,9,78,3,11,122,70,98,0.149,0.701,0.149,-0.252,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,1,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,12,16,2,2,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,7,3,8,6,10,8,0,17,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,12,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988321753891707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082106324072126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896249940784702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561134336594581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607705868332246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114899755075998,0.0,0.16729790260483796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079885128739874,0.283706912662774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177140951263811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256958726182177,0.0,0.15880898076221514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241534727717048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025092845534026,0.19401571692492434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849110276424733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720455077625856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987064130706125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719570840028676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272311612592974,0.0,0.0,0.11578368982003673,0.0,0.3764290383701737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638352811216621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235267420146053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786807038061346
suicidewatch,Samii2020,2018/03/08,Today My life has been nothing short of a disaster. My family hates me and all I do is hurt the ones I love. Really thinking about just disappearing or killing my self bc idk what to do.,2.999649122807013,4.45436457894737,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,74.26315789473685,9.27719298245614,25.824561403508767,9.725611199111238,2.3186561403508765,146,5,31,4,3,50,34,38,0.249,0.597,0.154,-0.5583,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,6,1,3,7,1,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30214804833217124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164370025417794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431122943639879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545965282187889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263855005409081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28927254440428696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075377296453837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718568756261367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053267398349844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33436154843765153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053696930445548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038057473419873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imasosad,2018/03/08,"You know it's bad when you spend half the day just fantasizing about finally ending it all, even while at work. The ways in which you could do it. How you would finally be free of this endless misery.

:(",2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,3.0599999999999987,90.935,79.5,7.0,20.0,8.07648339933343,0.7657499999999993,158,4,34,3,4,50,33,40,0.204,0.7290000000000001,0.067,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675650563133546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255855823478221,0.0,0.0,0.2066658187476632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838264404979005,0.0,0.0,0.21165633187989671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7020816855100557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611271108016735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543608529739374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332937633144508,0.0,0.0,0.22764077574857805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KimmiKao,2018/03/08,"Please help me. Friend in danger. Hi there.

Shortly: My.. friend has depression, anxiety and one more but I'd prefer not to share. (quite common, it is)  

So.. He has been acting extremely odd these days. Crazy distant. (Never been this way)... he has been drinking more than usual, got into cocaine (once, not long ago), xanax. he does wanna go to rehab cuz drinking.. but he's terrified. its.. expected. he sent me a message around 1am, telling that he's thikning about ending it, saying how sorry is he. we've got diff timezones, so it was around 10am for me, i was not home. noww its 6pm for me, for him its 9am. i didnt get a reply. att all. he is prrobably sleeping but im dead worried. please help me i ont kno what to do.",-0.8411734693877548,1.2480652312925216,1.4082738095238092,95.87526785714287,100.76870748299321,4.08265306122449,17.68962585034014,5.985473137389443,-0.1860700680272105,547,17,118,6,24,182,101,147,0.189,0.722,0.08800000000000001,-0.9533,0,0,3,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,2,0,13,5,1,2,2,17,18,8,1,3,6,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,10,4,2,0,1,2,0,3,5,2,0,1,9,1,10,3,13,9,3,16,0,1,0,0,19,5,0,0,7,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476424964247605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741544665289625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29654161307062993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741531540243196,0.0,0.14345507209445213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457549215062174,0.0,0.0,0.3263243836529126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751983085725584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573626411310053,0.0,0.08701901984188917,0.0,0.09465803099788972,0.0,0.2664212730050544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232789376725616,0.0,0.16706998575689702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990985545160545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739746954529512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845882219490062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773774873183547,0.11286315439178884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365658558719226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715358991293012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245260104399276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667702062708686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864466290176743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455779279765831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343871302390616,0.0,0.0,0.13220498393876778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691464495989165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butterforblood,2018/03/08,"Seeking support and reassurance To keep things brief, I've been dealing with major depressive disorder and anxiety for six years now. I recently moved out of province to continue my education and am living on my own. Since I've been here I've been in the inpatient mental health unit twice and I am being followed closely by a psychiatrist in attempts to regulate my medication. 

Our hospital has a crisis center where you can seek 24/7 support and counseling. I've been twice in the past four days. I just relapsed into drug use and my mood and mental health is at an unbearable low. My suicidal thoughts are becoming more frequent and more scary. 

I want to be placed back in the inpatient unit. I just need somewhere safe to ride this wave out. But I feel horrible guilt and shame going back to crisis again. I'm scared they think I'm faking it or I'm not worthy of a place in the unit cause it's not that bad. Or that I'm being dramatic coming in every few days. My anxieties aren't letting me go to get the help I think I need. 

Any advice, support or reassurance would be greatly appreciated.",4.052390731964191,6.169897369668245,5.31152448657188,77.86016719325964,72.9336492890995,8.859505002632963,29.25776724591891,9.444778638647367,2.9127280674038967,879,37,159,22,18,292,130,211,0.18600000000000005,0.701,0.114,-0.9515,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,1,1,8,15,0,3,9,0,17,4,0,2,0,35,38,13,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,15,0,2,4,0,0,7,3,7,0,4,5,1,18,7,23,27,5,35,0,2,0,0,7,17,0,3,11,104,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249596676843694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696056643341829,0.0,0.1956507080167656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966586352232388,0.10677173421741308,0.0,0.14122980956538536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136463445932325,0.0,0.11015448619018907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493983313955046,0.13183530109130742,0.1101400464432533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655781964863973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829641707252064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774166644038394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465832063693051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681031731329566,0.0,0.14535059343834353,0.0,0.0,0.1409845543003587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718539838945438,0.0,0.0,0.08571308147565747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136627196793513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076262778710585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291750183237124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288223594987372,0.25773934850572994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135912734293893,0.0,0.189637960751943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220728152921858,0.0,0.0,0.2672079465717008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626285090360215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280269222986602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578095852322232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987639535458152,0.4353390181866024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495562210974025,0.16387649963073125,0.0,0.10151984543348083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044444324844784,0.0,0.0,0.07542501282223323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083996520385604,0.0,0.0,0.08234842620749744
suicidewatch,ClearMaximum,2018/03/08,"I want to die since I hate my life , why is that hard to understand ? I absolutely hate everything about my situation and feel like life has been wasted and there’s no future , I’d like to die to end the pain",7.064651162790698,4.975040232558143,7.888023255813953,76.80319767441863,65.27906976744185,12.32093023255814,30.80232558139535,11.20814326018867,2.9125906976744185,162,4,37,4,2,55,31,43,0.4320000000000001,0.461,0.108,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,8,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683198534031526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983404859015969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277442904989465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408121942256545,0.16118434118358752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211291921236255,0.4455098608987321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187268620462729,0.2204549421675665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400776251268063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866367796308713,0.2536084856888868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488037053737054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307765115087716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035886850766295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vertigovague,2018/03/08,"i feel very stupid writing this but oh well For about a year now i have had thoughts about killing myself, and I’ve come close to it several times. I can, from an outside perspective, see that me killing myself is not a good thing. But on the inside, every cell in my body is screaming that it is the only way out. My mental illnesses have been getting worse, my friends feel so distant, the world feels so far away. Its like I’m in space, or under water, and I’m screaming but of course nobody hears me. I can’t stop thinking that it would be so easy, just slip out of reach, forever. 
i feel writing on here about this, but i can admit i am desperate.
so why am writing on here? i don’t really know, maybe to see if I’m just screaming into an empty void, maybe to get some of what i am feeling out. honestly i am completely lost.",3.4959215686274483,4.3849412,4.442058823529415,88.44759803921568,72.29411764705883,7.549019607843138,27.10784313725491,7.793537801064563,1.4090196078431372,644,22,139,8,12,209,105,170,0.235,0.6459999999999999,0.12,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,13,12,3,0,7,0,17,3,1,0,0,32,36,12,2,2,9,0,5,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,11,8,1,1,9,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,4,11,17,5,22,30,1,21,0,1,2,0,7,15,0,3,5,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118275971324202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873771223226112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861202557498567,0.16871388341195814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557587294575568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40681142928158265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432073735069653,0.0,0.16814046767217825,0.0,0.0,0.13496592147265776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136028505546184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35605207828522223,0.0,0.08843340065792986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861380739907907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565519851397304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323316830242404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216213430051976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238134408779955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308478316610548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25645314493436666,0.0,0.0,0.1817855263445289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453020561209802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690323446547884,0.10310634792819352,0.0,0.12774669374153508,0.09382947769112164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276981307917654,0.0,0.12772499545758295,0.0,0.0,0.14467982409065197,0.0,0.14519866526812267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639837680007936,0.11430775101004614,0.0,0.0,0.10362249014375673
suicidewatch,dayman-implication,2018/03/08,"It's all pointless. I have never had an easy life.

My mother was a single parent and neglectful. My father wasn't around. She wouldn't hit me but emotionally she was never really...there. I can't say that my mom was a bad person. I know that she loved me, she simply just wasn't a complete person herself.
I remember getting the silent treatment a lot. sometimes for days. Or she just wouldn't do anything with me? I started staying home alone from the age of eight for long periods of time. I made my own lunches, dinners (though we would usually eat out.). Now as an adult it's clear that my mother suffered from very severe depression. I remember begging her to just hangout with me and instead she would sit on her computer.

When I was young she became romantically involved with another female ...we will call her Helen. (my mother turned out to be a lesbian, so that garnered a lot of bullying for me- unfortunately. ) She eventually moved in with Helen who was an alcoholic (which my mother knew) she also had a son with Muscular Dystrophy. I know he had another illness, but I don't remember what.

I would hear them fighting in my room a lot. The cops would come and then the cycle would start over. One day my mother just said that she had enough and started to pack for us to leave. When she came home with me after school Helen had burned all of our things.

As a teenager things basically just got worse. I was diagnosed with a list of health issues (Epilepsy, Asthma, Adhd, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Arthritis. We also suspect that later on in life I will have diabetes.) My mother had always been a dirty person (secretly) and when I say dirty... I mean dirty. Sometimes we would have maggots in the apartment and it order to get rid of them quickly I would have to get on the floor and burn them with a lighter to kill them. Sometimes you couldn't see any part of the floor in any room. It was all garbage, nothing was sentimental. She simply wouldn't clean.

Growing up in filth gave me a lot of anxiety. I couldn't have sleepovers or, when I was older, let my boyfriends come in. I grew up in an upper middle class suburb so I learned that people infact did NOT live the way that I did. It was like my nose was constantly being rubbed into shit. 
In the 5th grade I was diagnosed with depression, in the 6th grade I started cutting myself, in 7th grade that moved on to burning myself. Everytime my mom found out she would act shoked, we would talk for a few hours, then it would never come up again. Eventually I attempted suicide. My mom found me in the bathtub after taking pills. I was 16. After we came home from the hospital we, again, never really talked about it again.

I'm 22 (my birthday was 3 days ago). For the past year i've been dealing with my mothers cancer. I came to learn that my father had not walked out on me, my mother had constantly moved so that he couldn't find us. She fed me lies that he had temper issues and didn't care about us.
She used him as a sperm donor because she wanted a baby.

We found out about her cancer (stage 4 lung) in April. She passed in December. I sort of...ignored everything that had ever made me angry at her and tried to form a new bond. We did. A little bit... and then she died.

My grandmother died in August, My mom died in December, and my grandpa died 3 weeks ago.
All of my family is dead. I have literally no immediate family left. I'm so mentally ill that sometimes it's like I clock out of my body. I forget everything that has happened and I pretend that theyre still alive and i'm not me and I haven't lived my life. It's like i'm dreaming most of the time.

Mentally, I'm exhausted. I have so many other things that are going wrong but I didn't want them to be too long. Anyway. I've decided that on Sunday it will be the day. I have a boyfriend and I love him so much, so much. He's tried to keep me grounded. But I just can't hurt him anymore. And I can't keep hurting myself by being here.

I wish that it wasn't like this.",2.48103722291928,4.631874917189464,3.818891844416562,86.61028841488918,77.7452948557089,6.860453366792138,23.67560016729402,7.885911873513602,1.2800973617733171,3147,104,628,52,75,1031,333,797,0.2,0.748,0.052000000000000005,-0.9992,1,1,1,0,4,3,120.0,13,1,5,1,35,22,5,0,38,0,76,27,5,3,10,122,123,42,7,19,15,17,1,4,0,16,15,4,6,5,38,49,5,3,16,3,0,15,24,15,0,2,47,7,125,7,87,50,18,117,0,7,1,3,87,45,1,8,56,447,163,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175664696141814,0.0,0.09110215185363656,0.054916594107924016,0.0,0.053220968239062326,0.0,0.08218761064829838,0.04275772593940395,0.0,0.0,0.06988923199247875,0.10776655592035593,0.07862113991947094,0.0,0.050961649441796035,0.0,0.0,0.04228675208256,0.04574492391939837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290562268056018,0.031324763816450746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610080340173386,0.05707887257957728,0.0,0.0,0.05247141272505903,0.1763175703767796,0.05239201227365225,0.0,0.0,0.13279488777685625,0.0538778198143383,0.11106120989436648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256029411810313,0.05297727648671256,0.13277748018284727,0.10431253277415273,0.2133245032853512,0.0,0.0588934380135282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525812691302236,0.0,0.0578029521049347,0.0,0.05309604245279916,0.0,0.0,0.04648207624604124,0.0,0.0,0.09236583510544008,0.0,0.09688533176552434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469663755879734,0.0,0.0,0.16902809863138926,0.0,0.0,0.08054205413510833,0.0,0.02920416046517677,0.0,0.041098518140260776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544095629752938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054621499513324026,0.05791637630577255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463469781242306,0.0,0.05060540053869903,0.0,0.11002072876452768,0.0,0.0,0.1072684147308063,0.0,0.091349453095484,0.056851603823056214,0.0,0.056481407811390875,0.0,0.0,0.054410936625392266,0.055831636732467764,0.052546228734356416,0.1088875194522056,0.10041949042508896,0.05150282264883275,0.09075052986937553,0.09095095909733787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747480282200208,0.0927567349515215,0.09724639182551384,0.0,0.05209789607771709,0.0,0.05597501723528117,0.0,0.0,0.10357111194244104,0.0,0.0,0.24073322434862976,0.0,0.1638473104657874,0.07555005345712808,0.0,0.15852990040036324,0.04962945002425756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930678045345596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03482085605116066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705868238491521,0.055646625870364716,0.049054276310762174,0.03562496347390123,0.17947501291843912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03291953964133522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746328312043443,0.0,0.04888037627859251,0.08172929384100627,0.0,0.052005931812960725,0.04094842716605638,0.0,0.0,0.058052174694658114,0.05274755494379827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329044688342507,0.0,0.14548665778571193,0.054771224908168006,0.04103736506351072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056208545126560025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03863629032824035,0.08260512451188233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102416821087045,0.0,0.05048702429259753,0.0,0.059927820877335274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977618844964956,0.055893810182939666,0.0,0.0,0.18543507711681215,0.044381480210233665,0.05659502478764954,0.04239928523485243,0.0606182369247193,0.040788251398658035,0.041219190675240665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909199628734268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052367284340494265,0.36503530638694304,0.056183125430445326,0.0,0.033091253308692795
suicidewatch,haahawow,2018/03/08,"I’m not going to kill myself. I’ve tried, it didn’t work, and I’m not trying again. 

But I can’t help but hope for a bus crashing into me when I cross the street. 

I don’t know how to explain it, I’m suicidal but not ~really~ like that, I guess? I won’t kill myself, I just really want something else to kill me, if that makes sense. 

I don’t know if any of you understand this, but I sometimes feel really alone in this. If you do, I want you to know that you’re definitely not alone and I understand.

I hope all of you are okay",-0.11166666666666814,1.7179213965517268,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,85.0344827586207,6.280459770114943,17.42528735632184,7.492282038375204,0.09626666666666628,406,9,100,7,12,140,62,116,0.117,0.632,0.251,0.9434,0,2,1,0,0,3,17.0,0,4,0,1,4,7,3,0,2,1,7,0,0,2,1,30,24,11,4,7,12,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,1,1,19,4,9,22,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,6,3,62,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32501372343080104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067011756323262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107447927879912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933617626162455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917305759848128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284918721283207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517050354685127,0.0,0.0,0.31168529117369864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207783337916346,0.0,0.2586936117208796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665614129161713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473569373942852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015531990436046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207935820016602,0.15518363171895186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162923885705444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130571799536036,0.0,0.0,0.32668848688099805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509395396768716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422913173730535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,syclum,2018/03/08,"Is it ok if i kill myself if no one cares about me and i have a miserable life? Like if my family doesnt care, or i have no friends.. it doesn’t matter anymore right? Some people say if you commit suicide you’ll just pass the burden to someone else but in my situation i wont be passing to anyone.. so its totally ok right?

Sorry for my bad english.. also i come here after someone link it to me.",0.9778571428571432,2.8008170238095254,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,81.14285714285714,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.8157190476190475,306,10,65,4,8,108,62,84,0.238,0.644,0.118,-0.9001,0,2,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,2,0,0,5,10,1,1,2,2,8,1,0,0,2,14,11,9,2,4,7,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,0,1,13,6,7,8,2,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,6,2,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700905396395174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071128919451833,0.14602559265113052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437244852580436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258520395505169,0.0,0.0,0.17989693259054146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445879390192934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687550804202425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134905477364805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105021537740936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750967506942414,0.1020285415474811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415152036042233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447831710970847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35669597098561856,0.0,0.16607773285852165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347446028153425,0.0,0.0,0.35389844538898296,0.0,0.0,0.233778976043548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284367649145483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dogownerworried,2018/03/08,"But I’ve done everything right... I was born with a disability that makes everything about 10 times harder, but I’m smart, so, people expected more. I went to college without any help, and have since graduated. 

Now I can’t find a job, and I work at a retail store where I’m on my feet all day and have to stock stuff. (I mean no disrespect to people who do that, but I went to school because I knew my body couldn’t handle that stuff.) I make $9 an hour and absolutely loathe my job. 

I live with my mom and her husband because I can’t make enough to move out, and her husband is always blaming me for stuff I didn’t do. The only thing that’s been keeping me alive is my 7 month old puppy, but maybe it’ll be better off without me. 

I’m afraid to reach out to anyone because I don’t want anyone to get mad or tell me how lucky I am. I can’t take it. I want to die. I want to slit my wrists this weekend. I just can’t keep going.",3.0552468427095287,3.201478711442789,4.588258706467663,89.70571756601608,72.83084577114428,7.5776502104860315,24.41676234213548,7.321109707123232,0.763602066590126,715,18,171,7,13,241,118,201,0.14,0.76,0.1,-0.9198,2,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,5,0,19,3,3,4,1,34,37,13,1,5,8,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,2,3,1,2,4,10,2,0,0,7,0,29,3,21,27,3,19,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,8,105,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231075887723867,0.0,0.0,0.08361553620311138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194993783518048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486184337211407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874620258969746,0.0,0.1365784227568574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929762393955178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127610807981025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582854321364648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704830009955606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101312631452827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238122286785864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642403877432016,0.0,0.06987976450850837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241603707463742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108868791896038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440333337144203,0.2185811257236842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085740106081137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462259053772033,0.0,0.12352766009411828,0.13393711582379733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440067164994802,0.09814376141998997,0.13068470711395466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290235517527954,0.0,0.0,0.09351496526181352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048694559454178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500530921242182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443988151854725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171198199094614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222718706072635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244898078269248,0.0,0.10747055709268884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168771418495466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169769552885709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175711296137773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22796626800082975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370539076764641,0.0,0.08951475973557092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Krona_ki_cristorr,2018/03/08,I'm just keeping myself alive in case life changes for the better I don't think it will...,0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,83.21052631578947,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.6750210526315792,71,2,16,0,2,22,18,19,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660777260976505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5574830275725957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684108116838786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722269420014238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376723890845304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rvassel19,2018/03/08,"Does anyone else Have the feeling that the universe is compressing your chest and making you feel like you cant breathe and the thought of dying is the only thing that helps you sleep anymore? I don’t know what to do, but I’m not sure living is the right option",10.482264150943395,6.38021769811321,8.994056603773586,77.77900943396227,60.698113207547166,11.354716981132073,37.820754716981135,7.1686216300943375,2.7361773584905653,210,6,43,1,2,64,41,53,0.047,0.861,0.092,0.0918,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,7,3,3,1,1,11,13,3,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742097154845871,0.19333241807531984,0.28330280630431304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28695917416574035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196349538100334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309769121098153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796093505362344,0.19752878336624385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853294271161391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519549596193819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508196948187526,0.0,0.2441510159907412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456321368369846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028765218427356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361260561808782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27669566210085883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605941889646898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369164315210013,0.0,0.0,0.21950692322792464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orijimi,2018/03/08,"why is waking up so hard? it's not a matter of laziness rather whenever i wake up and attempt to take even a foot away from my bed i feel like i'm just entering hell for another 12 or so hours again. it's a repeat until it hits the weekend (and sometimes friday depending on my schedule) where i can just sleep in until whenever i have even a little bit more energy than originally to say ""i can deal with this."" and get myself up out of bed without feeling worthless or useless.

Edit; I would like to mention too, days where I have school and I haven't been able to get out of bed i've just played it off as a ""snow day"" to my family or sometimes friends if they care to know. it's been affecting my life more than i've thought originally. ",7.384257703081232,5.173591235294119,7.973501400560224,76.8264705882353,64.75163398692811,11.357236227824464,35.582633053221286,9.957137785484203,3.195592717086835,581,21,123,10,7,195,95,153,0.077,0.8029999999999999,0.12,0.7597,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,12,8,1,0,6,0,9,5,4,4,0,27,19,13,0,3,10,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,3,0,6,7,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,4,14,5,27,14,3,24,1,2,0,0,5,12,1,5,13,85,20,2,0.18783654506061592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696299526612585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647861728540482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506885796754648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151187633878855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422780644688711,0.19365123008247925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481285329677781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707557765874066,0.0,0.18995160207867165,0.13419046532282036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451220487651357,0.0,0.19627368425335248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826464951684886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498116009405566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032300528152794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326745067629025,0.1835348958524854,0.18826156458170792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937515983907634,0.0,0.1901006117158804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797219836704232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715502920659396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122970533912066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912123523244242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949326581157906,0.0,0.0,0.181067726475692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334336923173016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilGidGid,2018/03/08,"I only keep myself around for others benefits Every day on my way home from school, i catch two trains. Lately, i've been getting increasingly vocal thoughts telling me to just jump in front of one and get it over with. I'm a shitty person after all so in my eyes i deserve it, and i don't want to live when the person i poured my heart into doesn't love me. Only thing that does stop me is knowing how much i would hurt my friends and family, and how i don't want to hurt him either. 

I remind myself of my Reputation tour tickets in October and try to keep smiling but it's getting more and more difficult. I am on meds but these suicidal thoughts have just been getting worse. I don't trust my therapist either so i can't talk to her, even though my mum is forcing me to see her. If she wants to waste her money, fine, but i haven't told that lady a thing since mid November. I've told her nothing about my crush or how my ex is still stalking me.

I don't know how much longer i can go for. But for now, i'll try to ride it out",3.1830136986301376,3.7858209086758015,4.490301369863015,88.87353424657537,72.78995433789954,7.4838356164383555,24.64566210045662,7.554174236665415,0.9467136073059356,805,22,182,9,15,267,126,219,0.158,0.7979999999999999,0.045,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,3,0,16,3,2,4,1,36,35,20,1,5,10,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,10,10,0,3,4,1,1,6,7,3,0,2,6,2,36,5,26,28,8,24,0,2,2,1,16,10,0,2,7,125,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658369953508275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445947755305824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460548689059122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649898333308645,0.0,0.11034090049735452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123459057750437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118070281767193,0.0,0.2736883814189785,0.0,0.07442856555725343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519027306646174,0.0,0.0,0.13136528677459836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803944675373116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23280959459333397,0.0,0.0,0.14394627673234248,0.0,0.14773052855418128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564160130184753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118198068669842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546895175394206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925438710451156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566130588732655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874305325276566,0.19920458437508648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287014513020704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325402560338099,0.10435953806750856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833289111398736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458620166700144,0.10948986503868836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325086971147374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526207271783836,0.114466318830737,0.0,0.0,0.1520566550170164,0.17401029992586212,0.0,0.12866922854477938,0.20793796000325912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502790783538582,0.0,0.1778288275929926,0.0,0.12793057451105175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23173385310783395,0.10395132045691484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346118475959468,0.09303145099661136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastbirthday,2018/03/08,"Counting down days I plan to kill myself on my birthday in a few months, but I don't know if I can hold out for much longer. I'd prefer if I hadn't been born at all so it wouldn't have to come to this. I don't want to leave behind a grieving family, because I know from dealing with grief myself that it never stop hurting.

I'm afraid if I wait until my birthday to kill myself I might hesitate or find a reason to live for a little while longer and then it would all fall apart. I'd have missed the window and have to wait another year.

I really have nothing left to live for, and I don't particularly care to find a reason to live either. I just wish I could disappear without a trace. I don't want anybody to miss me, remember me, or mourn my passing.

I came close to killing myself last year. I think the change in my mood had been obvious enough for my then girlfriend to beg me not to do it. She cried and begged me to grow old with her. At the time I didn't think it would be so bad to live like that. I think it might have been nice... but she left me for somebody else.

I miss her and mourn for what we could have had together. However, I understand why she left. I'm not even half the man I was when we met -- I'm an absolute wreck.

Funerals and remembrances are more for the living than the dead. If I kill myself on my birthday then at the very least there would only be a single day of remembrance, if any at all.

I don't know why I'm making a post, or what to expect, but I can't talk to anybody about it in case somebody calls the authorities and places me under a real suicide watch.
",3.2389207615127376,3.8090994112426064,4.489825057885259,89.04731541034216,72.63905325443787,7.771751993825573,24.16310779521482,7.893859768569023,0.9784444044250068,1243,32,284,16,23,411,163,338,0.235,0.7290000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9975,1,0,0,0,0,5,33.0,2,0,0,1,7,18,4,1,18,0,33,0,0,3,5,67,57,26,11,16,16,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,1,12,15,0,4,13,0,0,6,13,14,0,1,10,1,47,3,46,37,10,43,0,8,1,0,13,19,0,10,18,198,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276740326678472,0.0967849650265642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706693704955997,0.05626543679620185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424897737740527,0.10556701156338376,0.09410635855012872,0.0,0.09764153194822467,0.07950857888717737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473886382134066,0.0,0.10138760063146786,0.11905218015516313,0.09515760818706068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710509889062261,0.0,0.0,0.09537093522114598,0.0,0.060963510818189875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701255567119894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872169588739214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880943391697053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084666483568481,0.0,0.15217757586268016,0.07523710459690705,0.0,0.09773274376965536,0.3008538017594958,0.0,0.0,0.045093288849095546,0.09250919909736227,0.4075145013468233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161120049906474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958321709703752,0.0,0.0,0.07367325895278293,0.0,0.06785137762969021,0.0,0.07118772022951733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856467539497206,0.0,0.09685369097088002,0.0,0.0,0.07019857555908612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964342208568577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839822134204924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505800567418566,0.05912996783959393,0.18980026526557175,0.0,0.0,0.10455830392682944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716722572408591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096160219295984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418752523562235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742701249790274,0.0,0.0,0.05382107647587464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608791973076912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761574554101786,0.1088822759644811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657341935369216,0.0,0.10614084759741356,0.08897424387109364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670256171997413,0.0,0.0,0.11887679871792385
suicidewatch,justtheyearleft,2018/03/08,"I have started writing my suicide note, and have made a plan (cheated on, haven't found a husband, abused as a child, give up) ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE sorry in advance,

I didn't realise I couldn't upload images here, but I can send images should anyone want to help me. I took photos of my ""suicide book"".

I was a victim of severe abuse. I was trafficked as a child and used for sex, and it has affected my entire life. 

I am approaching a ""big"" birthday and I am still unmarried, while my peers have kids, white picket fences etc (I don't want kids, just the partner)

Life has passed me by.

I am tired of suffering alone and being some sort of Joan of Arc poster child, I am a visible, ""out"" survivor. People mistakenly look up to me

I have been in an on and off relationship for three years with a man who is ashamed of me. He has a ""proper"" partner he keeps as a ""main"" relationship as of last year, and says his family would be ashamed if he were to marry me. Before that he just told everyone we were only friends.

I have tried to leave but nobody comes close to being as good as him (he is tall, handsome, in a good job, and shares the same moral values and narrow interests that I do).


Because of my past I can't be intimate and am repulsed by advances of men I'm not deeply connected to emotionally AND attracted to physically. When people (well meaningly) say to ""just give me/just give him a chance"", it brings me right back to the abuse I went through as a child where I ""just had to"" do things to these men.

Then if I do think I could love someone, they get angry because I do not want to give them sex very quickly and they leave. 

The moment someone says that or ""just give a chance"", I can only ever associate that man with the abuse.

After I left home I was happy in a relationship for five years. This man passed away in a car accident six years ago

People say I am beautiful and I look like an actress on the Game of Thrones series, but it doesn't matter.

I have finally decided to die, it is better than suffering any more of this pain. I cry myself to sleep daily. I live alone and have no contact with my biological family.

I have started a book to chronicle the last weeks and months to serve as a suicide note, so people may understand.

But, it felt lonely, so I wanted to share it with you.

Please someone talk to me. I don't need you to talk me out of it or spin me lies and false hope, I know I want to die. I just want a stranger friend

please talk to me",3.985460510897589,4.707375486055779,5.000506210452309,85.5089828919616,71.03187250996015,8.136958050152334,26.71689711741271,8.313332769828598,1.5589377079915638,1922,60,409,28,34,631,241,502,0.2,0.655,0.146,-0.9898,1,4,0,0,4,4,73.0,1,2,3,5,16,23,2,2,28,0,49,8,1,3,1,72,83,37,5,14,16,1,1,1,4,3,4,4,1,13,16,25,0,2,7,4,0,11,11,8,1,4,14,8,62,15,67,60,5,55,1,3,3,3,55,21,0,8,24,276,78,4,0.0,0.3345880728290284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258081684333773,0.0,0.0,0.1462363554680802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480090221542694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936372323740028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632909140124076,0.05428546042469544,0.0,0.08607170158648085,0.0,0.06007364971837265,0.0,0.0,0.06243814351246349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060813876735106624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636671288757539,0.0,0.07754852537384087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653903773584315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941318366430543,0.0,0.0,0.07873536818097737,0.0,0.0638598812621889,0.0,0.0674593599556299,0.0,0.0,0.133106915229956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778509652667586,0.0773365957686301,0.0,0.060050574260391724,0.0,0.07740700057830267,0.10908759128944152,0.0,0.036884511400734885,0.33861989945329724,0.0,0.1184284102022313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515282309888964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047320313059669473,0.0,0.07081549304471113,0.07011968687524282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005756499735198,0.06275069552793837,0.0,0.0,0.03879878318326927,0.11509349227220382,0.0,0.14950605622131452,0.07670487164851444,0.0,0.0997308299561217,0.03449058891545242,0.0,0.06233927709320665,0.0,0.118568983166308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371739989537338,0.06680148066409268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690185643543554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635060456791404,0.0,0.0,0.05234748019955271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738583385041024,0.07512118888904626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673937249279968,0.1957748982959345,0.0,0.0,0.15499068252390436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273873107543853,0.0,0.06029025759099878,0.0,0.2245692715059696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797555806971606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064892800138027,0.0,0.1794522240433385,0.0,0.0,0.07902861726236719,0.09993917485795983,0.0,0.05637960848386344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166807343345916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023185716966782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046902136350722635,0.045236311261609125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114195011447177,0.0,0.0674593599556299,0.07843691232069877,0.04793136913394908,0.0,0.0,0.07349494844489304,0.0,0.06097395566978549,0.0,0.058250696598991875,0.249842975505994,0.0,0.05662941148134654,0.0,0.06347602923922374,0.06544500046195187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050150753161251636,0.0,0.0,0.1818510426190451
suicidewatch,o13Dennison13o,2018/03/08,"I don't want to live in constant pain anymore I've struggled with depressed since early high school. I'm 23 now. I've lived in pain most of my adult life. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for years. I've hurt myself by burning my arms with cigarettes. I've tried to kill myself by swallowing pills. I can't take this anymore. I just want to be happy.

My girlfriend just left me. We broke up about 2 weeks ago while living together. She forced me to move out and back in with my parents. We met on the New Year and instantly fell in love. I moved in with her in less than a month. She took all the pain away. She made me feel happy, finally. I've loved and lost before, but I've never loved someone as much as I do her. Tonight she told me she doesn't want to be with me. She doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to try and fix things. She's already blocked me on everything. It hurts. A lot. I loved her. I still love her. I truly thought she'd be the one. I was planning a future together and now it's completely gone. I don't want to start over. I don't want to find someone new. I don't want to live without her. She was my best friend. She had her flaws, but to me, she was perfect. I've cried myself to sleep most nights since we broke up. She told me last night she wanted to talk and try and work things out, but less than 24 hours later, she's gone. 
 
I've tried therapy before, but it didn't help. I've tried several different antidepressants, but they just constantly made me feel sick and tired. I can't keep doing this and pretending I'm okay. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay in years. I hurt myself for the first time in 4 years the other night. I just feel so empty inside.

How do I make the pain go away? How do I get over this? How do I continue living without the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?",0.19157502863688336,2.3776494175257774,1.7015326460481113,98.22055784650637,87.04123711340206,5.0983734249713635,17.90057273768614,6.5355237356304725,-0.2553489805269189,1426,36,335,16,45,458,170,388,0.17600000000000002,0.695,0.129,-0.7504,2,0,1,0,0,5,51.0,3,0,1,6,13,27,1,2,11,3,25,17,2,6,3,63,63,21,2,10,12,1,3,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,9,21,1,2,6,1,1,7,15,14,0,2,17,3,64,13,52,42,9,58,0,7,0,5,41,20,0,3,31,200,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059034649712971635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349197766499355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209361414097465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251410535741126,0.051209352998728884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333910444096207,0.0,0.06988994883645938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982619302226943,0.14393643815013854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731542070258158,0.0,0.0,0.05736031383728896,0.0,0.0,0.06958019435313742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985352277579701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102106410052937,0.0,0.0,0.07295428649683411,0.060868892220643976,0.056647784342597936,0.0,0.0,0.05145304954971664,0.0,0.034794435742624905,0.0,0.03784888387692471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178851636565654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044638888507623264,0.07036389640553341,0.0,0.0,0.06558510493114049,0.0,0.2138819463084008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919490215365495,0.07368024682241996,0.0,0.0,0.054285836644967785,0.0,0.0,0.07235835927780113,0.0,0.09407954240645816,0.0,0.0,0.2940339845491421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269901888781012,0.0566187978225545,0.3005341391485169,0.12603229584506104,0.044454336510048015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531574749193312,0.14156516808077516,0.048956812225504034,0.0,0.051364083881374034,0.12864052661836328,0.0,0.18749167683787554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451281774987848,0.0,0.2834576661527831,0.0,0.07394862270847045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740020746177956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523619867248127,0.0,0.1101802509594448,0.0,0.06664557811060992,0.0,0.11285566111132248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047138040680362064,0.0,0.05318483531673002,0.0,0.0,0.13924429652949746,0.0,0.07284683632398249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050073018459558964,0.1070570670578671,0.0,0.0,0.0761600249300332,0.0,0.0884888158998108,0.0,0.0,0.10574192372032057,0.0388335274367504,0.07654400890974017,0.0,0.12727349643937552,0.07399225316939081,0.22607659421970785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928092048602779,0.0,0.05342048312699403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839519261867702,0.0,0.048483760217736885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154638022429222
suicidewatch,readytoenterthevoid,2018/03/08,"Its my time to go The past few weeks ive finally just gotten tired of it. I dont have the motivation to continue for university or a job in the future when everything is already this hard with a disability. And im not even doing a lot now, can you imagine how much harder it will be when i ACTUALLY need to do something strenuous? I shouldn’t have to deal with that.  Its not fair.   
Ive already attempted suicide twice and it didnt work. But i definitely learned each time that no one was particularly emotional when it happened. No concern from friends when i was hospitalized- any of the times- or any surprise from family. It was like as if it was just a normal day. Nothings even changed since after it. No one cares.   
My doctor made me throw all my pills out last time, so i have none to use to try again. So ive been brainstorming ideas. I think thats the only reason i havent done it yet. I havent decided how. Maybe i should leave a note this time, if only to spite everyone.   
Im just falling behind everyone and im never going to pick my feet up. I have no support. Not even my stupid personality disorder lets me pretend things might be okay.   
Maybe ill jump off a bridge. We have some nice ones here. Hasnt happened in a while, so maybe ill even make the news. Maybe i can steal pills from someone. It is my preferred way. I just dont want to live through it this time. ",1.27009331797235,3.623886182142858,3.0197235023041493,89.5001152073733,83.60714285714286,6.47004608294931,22.6036866359447,7.717688229018142,1.0681221198156678,1081,38,232,20,31,358,158,280,0.155,0.765,0.08,-0.9478,1,1,1,0,0,2,31.0,1,1,0,3,21,10,2,0,13,1,33,7,1,8,2,45,46,19,1,8,12,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,0,1,19,8,0,0,8,1,0,5,16,3,0,4,9,1,26,7,26,30,7,34,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,7,24,163,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.09230553808958547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876334803681368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864797139176412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644012251934776,0.0,0.10006296544826533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061002290478828075,0.09751744232372776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840756312134564,0.0968161838705566,0.0,0.09679772182704847,0.2217159726270414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640026105245247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499014325109181,0.0,0.0,0.1807683102103512,0.08501078759528959,0.0,0.08917039888629838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361798380322122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307947909407954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751458824011324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729005825698812,0.0,0.08473345739860688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677983628175568,0.30651811302173937,0.0,0.09386531128039748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710292585024027,0.0,0.10015643925141224,0.0,0.0967239950739488,0.0,0.046211567086517184,0.0,0.08352410834675697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041646293106983,0.0,0.08950270790547059,0.06313911000529067,0.0,0.3801107689670801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034432769785996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953403864020734,0.07013678713870776,0.07295311992282281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267745685475394,0.0907610099632921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228852709049105,0.14387889047891966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029621524743277,0.0,0.08259175150884697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725358157741304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824526842467326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014522947628511,0.07281948483494657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034653708341303,0.10733884689422137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284094556301853,0.060609021137237436,0.0,0.0,0.3309347820546035,0.1087165162774536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421994375659247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169480810755986,0.0,0.0,0.055791235555068826,0.07508060468627475,0.07587385226025517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886215632002285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mmmahogany_,2018/03/08,"My thoughts and feelings don't feel justified My life from a purely observational standpoint looks pretty good, really good in fact compared to a lot people in the world. I have a few really good close friends, and a fairly decent friend circle outside of that. My family lives comfortably and we don't struggle for money. My parents saved up enough for my schooling so I don't have to worry about loans or anything, and I get to use my money for trips with my friends or going to concerts and things like that. I play rugby and hockey and all my teammates there are pretty nice people and I feel like I'm fairly well-liked among them. The thing is though, I feel alone and I feel sorta depressed.   

I had depression as a symptom of a concussion I got about 6 years ago, but I got better after around a year. The next few years went by and they were pretty good, I was feeling good. Then starting around 2016 I started feeling a bit of stress. I think it's from this feeling I have that maybe my friends don't really care about me as much as I thought, or maybe I'm not really that important to anyone. I'm not sure where these thoughts came from but I just started having em. I just pushed em to the back of my mind and told myself to quit being a bitch.   

Then November 2016, I had a bit of a conflict with one of my best friends and he basically told me he had other shit to do then keep talking to me. Then I had my first panic attack since my depression 6 years ago. This caught me totally off guard and I was pretty shook. I called the friend that I had fought with and told him I had a panic attack, he asked if I was okay and agreed to hangout with me so that I'd calm down. I had another panic attack a month or two later and I knew that something wasn't right.   

Now I've had these thoughts floating around that I don't really matter for a year or two now, but recently I've had a creeping thought that I need to die to be noticed. And I don't know where all this is coming from, like I said my life seems pretty good. This lack of apparent justification for my feelings makes me feel like a huge dick to people that actually have daily struggles in their lives. So it's this endless cycle of ""I'm not important enough"" to ""why are you complaining, you're weak"" and it just keeps putting more and more stress on to me. I want to tell my friends but I don't know if they'll understand and I also don't want to burden them or seem needy. When I had depression awhile ago I told my friends and it was hard on me as well as them. I've got a couple really good friends now that I trust a lot but I'm not sure what to do.   

TLDR: I feel like I need to die or something for my friends to notice me. My life is not bad so my feelings don't feel justified but they won't go away.",3.29148664343786,4.3654145017421655,4.2741463414634175,88.7608943089431,72.97212543554008,7.348199767711963,24.81649245063879,7.7094869923839395,1.0660771196283396,2180,64,474,27,42,707,229,574,0.175,0.611,0.214,0.9605,2,1,2,0,0,0,44.0,1,1,7,4,25,57,6,8,23,1,41,7,2,3,7,105,101,52,2,7,23,1,14,5,10,2,5,2,0,0,26,32,0,4,26,4,3,10,16,22,1,4,34,17,78,35,65,63,16,55,0,4,1,1,35,19,3,14,31,313,104,1,0.0,0.0,0.04855076173633522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323064017517178,0.0,0.0,0.05152805330559428,0.0,0.03978664540188343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521692955028644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034787745553390426,0.0,0.04094164551165242,0.13286944729703642,0.04651139108731762,0.16980020025123813,0.04674362878498831,0.038256206393122265,0.0415408303483464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052211640079864174,0.044001588755606336,0.10863256659240884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080234053186995,0.056903018150524586,0.05072546574307996,0.0,0.0,0.04285693078299405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055049626449888964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140525130150053,0.0,0.10326941373277301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281420261031067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690174479088058,0.0,0.3270292884382664,0.10662848668046852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423190140593516,0.0,0.0,0.384382611351947,0.0,0.02599335936025455,0.0,0.056550400602830925,0.29210723899574703,0.11937362492164995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456800736336131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844370262858478,0.0,0.0,0.05468478099472536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542389761577244,0.12153153697574864,0.0,0.08786383065439875,0.0,0.0417791380633608,0.0,0.0,0.08459471906563128,0.0,0.0,0.03320983712955563,0.0,0.0999651145504673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050235323380961164,0.0,0.039711560735821695,0.0,0.03657343440552164,0.07378093474778538,0.0,0.0,0.0529118017644885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328593212128155,0.0,0.0,0.033713233451354505,0.0,0.0,0.17511970847994066,0.05524369294204117,0.0,0.0,0.10347528864830216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530782807169193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050014487737685735,0.0,0.05291736143354368,0.0,0.0,0.19123437805357346,0.0,0.04912408426377035,0.0,0.0,0.04248792438806501,0.04732553198143764,0.0,0.0,0.05035166618217381,0.0,0.09058467939389488,0.0,0.0,0.051069698895272984,0.04115535712055525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660301930211183,0.0,0.0,0.10564413574684804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398146423158426,0.10402315661417942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378131643565306,0.05171136337351322,0.0,0.03998876194852292,0.04348542886017443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661060178719733,0.031879063869933985,0.04888107385239921,0.19748759852281214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901606196149332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720092257300324,0.051793572248687116,0.0,0.04296974207199032,0.0,0.0,0.0586900209991954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894660211627092,0.04612058966587385,0.04489342913333802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050525557021033535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019323970018842
suicidewatch,pl3bby,2018/03/08,I want to end it but im afraid just end it. the depression everything im alone i feel alone no matter what no one to talk to.,-2.0508620689655146,-0.21472031034482691,1.0719827586206918,100.29004310344831,96.93103448275862,5.658620689655173,14.14655172413793,7.1686216300943375,-0.3655586206896553,97,2,26,2,4,34,19,29,0.435,0.501,0.064,-0.9366,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286313140991297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980789450172775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520721776450654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936200902210685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903943461240389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5513308933530129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293367164702678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512430047255345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505266594359282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RatFailure,2018/03/08,I just feel so alone I just want all the fucking pain to stop i feel so alone and ill always feel tbis way im never getting better but i dont 2ant to hurt my girlfrieend shes asleeep right now can someone just help me please,-0.7240816326530606,1.4518974081632692,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428578,95.32653061224492,2.8000000000000003,17.20408163265306,3.1291,-1.1839877551020406,179,5,42,0,7,56,38,49,0.208,0.584,0.209,0.4707,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,12,9,4,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,2,9,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704608526138816,0.0,0.0,0.18898412474313409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087140532515013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661858930424709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445198996507841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209971102933962,0.11866213860631833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223543254171992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313934701102424,0.0,0.2453312878383442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517088324129726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416743665484972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493123150327672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396138463504747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244016773771028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898845902606079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396274236994307,0.18027927868059487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scuffed_Face,2018/03/08,"Hanging, jumping off a building or bridge? Which is more effective? My biggest concern is surviving crippled or with brain damage.

(I'm in Montreal)",4.114599999999999,7.45332196,4.7835,71.89925000000002,89.4,7.3000000000000025,42.25,8.07648339933343,5.199200000000001,119,9,15,3,4,38,23,25,0.11,0.6859999999999999,0.204,0.4124,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kierkegaard94,2018/03/08,"I want to die but i dont have the balls to do it  im not sure what to do. i have one month left to finish a film by mid april and all i have  is a half unfinished scenes, unfinished design pack and a unfinished leica.
Im afriad of having my work reduced to nothing.
I want things to change
I want to have a job, be reliable, respected, creative , industrious ,  fit,weigh 140 pounds.  healthy, active, and have a good life and people always coming to me.

Im convinced im faliure, everyday is a blur. im no longer motivated to anything. everything i do takes a long time im been thinking about suicide for months because my lack of progress in my film and as a professional animator snf illustrator. 

Ill never make much money working as an animator and illustrator

I can tell my father mother  is disappointed in me. i am too. i grew up to  be a whiny bitch. they more or less tell to toughen up buttercup when i brought up situation. my sister is a little more sympathetic. My brother is currently having the time of his life.  he coundlt give a damn about my sistuation right now


I am a 25-26 year old  man child. and it would be better if i just go. I was thinking of freezing myself since its still winter by jumping into a river. or may get hit by car.
I just feel  unconnected to life. im already dead. this 3 year long nightmare needs to end. ",1.5401615177541323,3.895005951672864,3.9071401102422776,83.57167286245355,82.42007434944239,6.981720292270223,24.88924496859377,8.104835398774808,1.7307196769644917,1047,42,210,22,29,362,161,269,0.146,0.7070000000000001,0.147,-0.1819,2,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,5,8,8,2,0,16,0,26,4,0,2,3,32,41,14,3,7,7,4,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,4,3,1,6,4,3,0,2,3,2,27,5,31,32,6,35,0,1,0,0,12,10,2,5,19,134,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638178763530357,0.0,0.08021402331839622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933047053102922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587656448048009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525956141898633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198032595835688,0.0830416179428605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004985242413823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298219604719792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538338456282478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866397251980959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874364853273835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036596362850733,0.09247739439711693,0.054787366659016734,0.08085725924389887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7289134348772042,0.0,0.09566391519254654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474084185649343,0.0,0.20427433481377755,0.0,0.09661993303318987,0.0,0.17062512548500758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643489525841523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389400007372256,0.0,0.0708664178995932,0.07148071598752828,0.07435101404480257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250013068173228,0.0,0.10115747652052172,0.0,0.0653243571281765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683287261025844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232661368319175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974456826159992,0.10835966650698263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698660501250865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544792667095393,0.0,0.09085755917824896,0.0,0.07248215907735436,0.0,0.16851885114092002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404507485200746,0.12354076663434654,0.0,0.0,0.1124253340340825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058084463228415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036332255897574,0.0,0.0,0.0684810754904435,0.0,0.0,0.12415920193231132
suicidewatch,Jennabirds,2018/03/08,"Agoraphobic and suicidal. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own house. I'm so paranoid it affects my ability to do anything I'm 26 years old and I'm not able to leave my house. I get so anxious and feel like I'm going to die or have a terrible accident when I'm not at home. I've never had a job in my life, although I graduated high school as a high honor graduate. I don't feel I have any talents or anything to give this world. I'll never be a singer or work in Hollywood as an actress, I don't have the skill set for that. I could be an author or an artist, but I'm not the most creative person around. Insert a ton of other professions I haven't listed, I wouldn't be good at those either.  So, that leaves me either A. Working a dead-end job for the rest of my life such as fastfood, retail, or whatever else is minimum wage. or B. An office job I would most likely hate. or C. A factory job

On a separate note, I have a terrible relationship with my mother and we are constantly at each other's throats arguing. She's the only person I have, yet we hate each other. She has the mentality of ""You'll snap out of it when you're ready to snap out of it, I don't have time for this shit"". 

We have a strange relationship. In her mind, I never aged past 15 and I'm treated as such. 

I'm sick of all this. Eventually, I will die anyway. Be it this week or 70 years from now, I will eventually pass away. I'm using up resources that other people could be using, clothes and food that someone with purpose in life could be using. It's being wasted on me.

I can't help but think- What's wrong with ending my life early? It will end anyway whether I like it or not.",1.548640945747799,3.191927997159091,3.8565689149560143,87.63711143695015,78.6875,6.9282991202346045,23.00256598240469,7.831003766801068,1.050347214076246,1293,41,284,21,31,448,169,352,0.182,0.7709999999999999,0.048,-0.9943,5,1,0,0,0,0,44.0,3,1,0,4,12,15,4,0,20,0,33,8,2,4,4,55,55,28,3,5,18,1,3,4,0,6,5,0,1,2,21,17,1,0,4,2,2,2,13,7,0,0,1,3,34,8,36,38,10,38,0,0,0,0,15,17,1,11,22,190,55,10,0.09244807637213014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286786211266865,0.0,0.0,0.10444001200176528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215377953531287,0.0822983881015819,0.0,0.0,0.08685801095619625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990352777744907,0.0,0.2214367992441191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918930152107018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722850513085522,0.0,0.24564466686862965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023357550292395,0.13208984846449773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178858091154537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048300304250798884,0.08868461881614251,0.052540372269037586,0.07754106029166782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254667166622102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196599687042484,0.1953529368775196,0.09273295835665406,0.0,0.0,0.2133453356342156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669618033085616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577832885926907,0.0,0.0,0.2611952414242576,0.18066184153084827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316591696348696,0.0,0.09334620315170887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390496722394275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700870471221927,0.0,0.0,0.07031092795087439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825214961508314,0.06409185585805566,0.1614441887992147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850927259382448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356238885583736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489662188143644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833095510475871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112319062114106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059236994449546325,0.0,0.0,0.0539072167803256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395363662184788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741562704837192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346066013003725,0.0,0.0,0.06567246098986976,0.10107745877076224,0.0,0.11906706030881395
suicidewatch,revenance187,2018/03/08,"Can someone just talk to me? Can I talk to someone on here? Like send me a private message or something? I just really think I need some kind of human contact haha


I just want to talk...",-0.5388596491228057,1.6543279210526336,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,98.73684210526315,3.5859649122807014,22.12280701754386,5.46131890053228,0.2455122807017549,143,6,29,1,6,48,26,38,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.197,0.7461,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966765445616655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918635865161727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112476296483036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251241195385529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827848678326703,0.2193277478361048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6869686216152994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255059253319025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803972276132398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JubblesTheDestroyer,2018/03/08,"Hi guys I'm drunk. Hi friends. I'm drunk right now so I apologize for any spelling errors. Long story short, I grew up in an incredibly abusive household. Basically everyone in my household abused me in one way or another. I experienced everything from physical to sexual to psychological abuse. My parents and my male siblings were the main perpetrators, but members of my community saw what I was going through and chose to ignore it and do nothing. Now I'm a sophomore in college and struggling hard because of the lasting effects of this abuse. Tonight I am drunk and honestly could go either way. I understand that I am more than what happened to me. I know that I can take this heaping pile of garbage I was given and make something beautiful. But I can't believe that I am worth that effort. I can't even convince myself that I would benefit from the use of a service dog to help me cope with my day to day battles with mental illness and long term effects of abuse because other people have it worse than me. I can't convince myself that I deserve it because I don't have a visible disability. At this point it would be easier to die than try and sort out my life and I'm really not afraid of dying anymore.",4.57913947990544,6.2530008170212765,5.770602836879437,76.94361111111112,70.61702127659575,8.626477541371159,33.906619385342786,9.150863307647796,3.237888888888889,972,49,174,20,18,324,135,235,0.219,0.6809999999999999,0.1,-0.9828,1,0,1,0,4,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,1,2,7,0,18,5,0,4,0,28,32,13,2,3,5,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,16,12,3,1,4,3,1,3,5,4,0,1,5,3,29,5,30,23,4,24,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,2,9,121,45,2,0.0,0.6741188887376596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773818107510494,0.11931982936110673,0.0,0.0,0.11285013728841005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809788944827187,0.0,0.0,0.12820353782823368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908528879282164,0.0,0.0,0.14677161703042335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361942730114009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515791017834111,0.0,0.0,0.10873221722157596,0.10226805143260097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791467692595674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293401431855933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267102197135405,0.10062504280889904,0.0,0.10193442296472717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762717369684673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253658089538378,0.09275488687383136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037397830048701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140298308769614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759564042644807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467460658987096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918557394373647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710775512400597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635148609127386,0.0,0.0,0.07888838102691248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756931538584144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728974554137785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971769282875052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760190360603676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895910398220802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555670225777387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725664820757233,0.0,0.0,0.11846048797757258,0.0,0.09827892522411276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064406550850926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596279343343227,0.16166778309611768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jinly2811,2018/03/08,"Want to die I am just very tired. The more I try the more i want to kill myself. The person I love the most, I hurt him and now Im trying to fix it. But it seems like nothing matters anymore. I really really want to die. Just want to shot my head with a fucking gun. I am sick of crying myself to sleep and pretend like nothing happened, then repeat the cycle everyday. ",1.5031168831168813,3.272528142857148,3.564935064935068,89.09597402597406,79.25974025974024,5.9584415584415575,21.38961038961039,6.868970318607317,0.5175766233766232,285,8,60,3,7,97,48,77,0.322,0.522,0.156,-0.9596,0,0,0,1,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,6,0,2,6,2,0,0,13,10,4,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,3,8,10,3,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,6,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758003863820194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471854024500332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679485506562069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387969777107034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675586960343452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192620954781516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897670781724374,0.0,0.19147785930038266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961187290443897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320657210260387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998961986734847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34018330057668034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478196331250624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22712246765382466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137644385630526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773941678966288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374136068682128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24070415742180645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462631372464033,0.4182246685454564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,estradi0l,2018/03/08,"my height my foot size my weight i feel like a fucking monster and I hate my body more than anything I’ll never look normal and I’d rather stop now than keep going with this shit i let testosterone destroy me and now my height is gigantic at 5’10 my feet size is 11 my weight is fucking hideous at 73kg and my head is a fucking billboard i just want to die i can’t keep living looking like a monster why was i ever born 


what did I do to deserve being a repulsive freak monster for my life why do other women get to be normal looking and pretty and i get to look like a fucking ogre i can’t “love myself” i hate this fucking habitus too much why couldn’t i just be born normal i’m sorry but fuck all of this, i’ve cut myself long enough nothing can fix this tomorrow I’ll get the supplies and leave you all alone from having to be around this fucking hulk",2.2983609576427284,3.8372594254143664,3.5237348066298364,91.29120073664828,76.29281767955801,5.489650092081032,24.77384898710865,5.6839178017228535,0.5098394843462248,680,23,144,3,15,221,101,181,0.159,0.777,0.064,-0.9416,0,1,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,1,0,0,8,17,12,0,6,0,18,16,5,0,4,26,41,8,1,6,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,9,2,3,1,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,2,7,24,4,14,33,5,15,0,0,4,8,3,5,8,0,12,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000806940893626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951917522802979,0.08602218051264705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073353863075646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028784265614203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984577428589876,0.0,0.0,0.08740837694877011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885959585241894,0.069033288808015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6253373696242758,0.15145730992748804,0.0,0.05491769027055771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908064435317019,0.09917140342377284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178035223661287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231839975291512,0.0,0.0988118633973476,0.06825341517961649,0.14162724722565204,0.0,0.08532704607615903,0.08551549714078609,0.32458320216669284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721335521098053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103498901517771,0.0,0.07452787402663669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840339317997834,0.09272016226626678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830858481254527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919045227774552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817062341609962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078794009988634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056995536032418324,0.0,0.0,0.2353413342109927,0.0,0.0,0.2615836574149188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anom2785,2018/03/08,"Every night feels like a struggle I never thought I would be in this scenario, so forgive me if this sounds unorganised or scatter brained. I don’t exactly know where to start, so I’ll just give a real brief background. I’ve struggled with hallucinations for years, been hospitalised several times , and have had loved ones (family and partners) commit suicide. Despite that, I’ve always pushed myself forward and made it to university. University itself has been great, I made friends quick, everyday I meet more people, and I found a passion in the school’s Model UN team. On paper, the past year has been the best of my life. Behind the scenes, my life is in its roughest patch. My friends in university are vastly less reliable and stable then back home, my mental symptoms happen less but when they do occur no one around can help. It’s also in the past few months that I have had the highest concentration of suicide attempts, With four in just 3 months. I really don’t know what to do and literally just typed suicide into reddit and ended up here. I don’t know exactly what I am looking for, just a hand or gesture. 

At the end of the day, I just want to go through with my death, but every night when I pick up the pills, the rope, or the razor, I just can’t because so much depends on me. However, it just feels pointless because I am not happy, and everyday opening my eyes in the morning gets harder and harder. 
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suicidewatch,Niwako,2018/03/08,"I want to die but I am too scared I want to die so bad. or not sure if I just want to disappear. can't tell the difference. I was never on drugs, I don't smoke weeds, I am not PMSing either. I feel like everyone tells me I am useless and worthless. In my deep mind I know that now one is actually saying that but also I am telling myself that it's true. I've been suicidal for a very long time but this time it's bad. Last time when it was this bad I was on birthcontroll but this time no I'm sober af. that's why it's bad. 
I hate everyone because I think everyone hates me but I have no right to take anyone's life so I should be the one who leave this world. 
I am workaholic and I worked so hard this last few years. and now I don't work much. I feel like my limbs are taken away. I feel dead inside. I told myself that I should be only doing what I like but that was wrong. nowI have nothing. 
People say everyone is scared and having hard time with their life but that doesn't mean I can't be depressed. I can't stop myself from crying when I drive and walking on the street. I am insecure more than ever. 
I can't afford to get therapist. I hate myself and blame myself everyday and I feel dizzy. my bf doesn't like me when I look depressed.
I think I never loved myself and therefore I don't think I truly loved anyone. or I ignored people who loved me and followed after and worked for people who treated me shitty and took advantage of me. 
As you can see I am very bad at writing. I am not good at talking either. I don't know why I am still alive. I am not brave enough to leave this world. I just want to disappear ",0.05081412103746175,2.1898605907781032,2.0756707492795385,95.6321804755043,87.18443804034582,5.199106628242076,17.03234870317003,6.6274283507984215,-0.23698956772334245,1263,29,290,15,40,420,155,347,0.353,0.5579999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.999,2,0,2,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,1,4,14,30,3,3,4,0,38,6,0,1,5,56,67,29,4,7,18,0,6,4,1,2,3,2,0,0,21,12,0,2,10,0,0,6,18,17,0,2,8,10,60,13,22,54,6,39,0,4,2,3,17,12,0,3,25,196,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.07774895587498304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371414221189374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141785616914404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485502187539869,0.0,0.3326164276580857,0.048567671959609364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751660004127818,0.0,0.0,0.13724377171004484,0.0,0.16537514148899116,0.08324090011458944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239491114889277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232308429558742,0.0,0.0,0.07206841987213011,0.0,0.3045222998537629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113942354694466,0.1138362298132124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162564041565863,0.0,0.0,0.06682558926316673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427419844305601,0.2359805667392168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757194475509263,0.12988759079535184,0.0,0.16872354004146273,0.0,0.0,0.1125502143977433,0.15569601411505418,0.0,0.0,0.07050773585612073,0.06690491035801932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572287192173786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867868083841356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044660477466427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856852160701297,0.0,0.1228968276273307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764479998150952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797641916504433,0.0605945956153262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570482858659366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680399573627088,0.0,0.12671768432220112,0.15953232510892304,0.0,0.06348873975606946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362663406402498,0.06660985355139955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714888313379722,0.0,0.07509047410060049,0.0,0.05990387303136638,0.06403781067566816,0.2089120686518988,0.0,0.0,0.09250601887782252,0.0,0.1531529377614882,0.0,0.0,0.23228864251612644,0.0,0.0,0.07613057496344074,0.08851918009983183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147646307403466,0.18797183359342728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378424213898006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740077853612245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710947101023117,0.0,0.051306536414646435
suicidewatch,myeyesclosed,2018/03/08,"I'm so fucking done Check my last post I made. I feel fucking worthless because the only things that bring me joy, I suck at. I know that sounds silly, but I can't bare it any longer. I really want to kill myself right now.",0.6068085106382988,2.694468829787237,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,84.1063829787234,4.611063829787233,17.910638297872342,5.6839178017228535,-0.5011923404255323,173,4,39,1,5,56,39,47,0.223,0.669,0.108,-0.8249,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,11,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,9,2,2,9,0,6,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,21,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957706024401252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549106518443794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946046970178047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556251072203474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322871791113866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185003587197753,0.0,0.15821320278769618,0.2346634164581031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724022595477672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189483189105159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27571274492928377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442549514149287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458508738614357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125695706954354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980110416562674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zzcepi,2018/03/08,"I'm not necessarily ""there"" yet, but i feel like i soon might be. I guess I just need to vent.

I turn 21 in a few weeks. And I just know that everyone around me will act like they care. They don't care. They don't know how I am really feeling inside, and I know that's on me for not seeking help. But I just don't think it's fair to put my feelings into someone's brain just so they can be forced to care about me. I really don't have the strength to seek help to begin with.

I've been depressed for the past two years and I never thought about commiting suicide. I always felt like it would've gotten better by now, but it hasn't. It's slowly but gradually getting worse. And I feel like my birthday will be my last.

I've been fantasizing jumping off a bridge, while I reminisce before I do so. Part of me thinks it'll never happen, because I'm too scared to. But I can't help but feel like it might just happen.

It's tough for me to have this much family around, and loathe that they aren't the family I thought they were growing up. I always felt like family was everything. But as I got older and after my parents got divorced, it's shattered that perspective. My family was never close to begin with anyways, and it's certainly not close now.

I don't know anymore. I just feel lonely and helpless. I just needed to vent.",2.360624505928854,3.961150909090911,3.876679841897232,88.56458498023716,76.27272727272727,6.964426877470356,22.50197628458498,7.7425588080867325,0.8837667984189723,1040,29,224,15,23,345,130,275,0.182,0.6729999999999999,0.145,-0.9202,1,2,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,6,2,21,17,0,1,5,0,26,1,1,1,5,59,59,20,1,2,17,1,8,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,14,15,0,0,16,0,0,4,14,5,0,1,12,8,38,12,27,39,3,29,0,3,0,0,11,9,0,3,22,152,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592094863202893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487850267296176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033239441427733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058319279694497135,0.0,0.08140775459574058,0.0,0.0,0.08461195696125175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679887590909054,0.0,0.0,0.29262449691065395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240005734001624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141637050851743,0.08598163745613044,0.0,0.3607550112515401,0.0,0.29024044387364195,0.2050390720199095,0.18371557343899966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998339981958002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530313836360032,0.0,0.10539081325357737,0.0,0.16920056319845575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923758811566116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103099668359882,0.07798346544938492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804359060707772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298058279310904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703281391731765,0.1418755424972044,0.22135880230964905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622973173888034,0.10360081746201484,0.09132742635001384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096174338326839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257674796889452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578192564055901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106051313716042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046469778244616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260239034137944,0.0,0.1519018986282773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406101601756083,0.09345526502486837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767403554534618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749546142437863,0.06796091506479775,0.0,0.0,0.06160806410095295
suicidewatch,rogerthat_69,2018/03/08,"Rtl Just looking for a reason or two to keep living 
",1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,79.0,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.2348909090909093,41,1,8,0,1,14,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293231972397119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265083841716441,0.0,0.4056083722909242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966167104865376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718324721086949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Have_Subreddits,2018/03/08,"i didnt think i would ever be here, but i feel helpless Im a junior in highschool, i fucked up by getting in trouble with the school, what i did wasnt really that bad but my liberal ass school blew it way out of porprtion, and police were involved, i did not commit any crime, i did not bring harm to anyone nor myself and i did not threaten anyone and i did not put anyone in danger, so police were involved anyways. I thought my parents would be on my side (divorced) my dad is dissappointed to the point where we wont even talk to me unless its ""go to bed"" or ""throw the trash"" i havent seen my mother yet and she wont talk to me and despite it being her day to have me, she didnt even pick me up. 

So the fucked up part is as an intimidation act by my school i am going to go into a conference with my parents on whether or not i am expelled and sent to continuation school, with teen prostitutes and drug dealers because i made a bad joke, at first my dad was going to fight this and try to keep me at my current school, but report cards came in and now hes saying ""i dont deserve to go to the school i do because i dont try hard enough"" because im failing chemistry. (public school btw) and my mom is not goingnto be much help either.

so here i have two parents who want to rip me out of school, take me away from my friends, my activities, which are the only thing i enjoy, and drop me into a school of fucking criminal degenerate teenagers. I swear by god (starting to doubt his existence) if i am sent to this shitty school will throw a bullet onto a frying pan, put my forehead agianst it and wait (no gun)",10.176428571428572,5.121950452380951,10.11511904761905,72.41321428571429,62.33333333333334,12.62857142857143,40.5,8.841846274778883,3.4815107142857142,1256,42,271,12,12,421,173,336,0.16399999999999998,0.726,0.11,-0.978,4,0,1,1,2,0,35.0,1,0,0,2,12,15,5,1,13,0,34,6,2,2,2,49,57,25,0,4,15,7,2,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,11,21,0,2,3,1,0,14,16,12,0,2,17,4,49,3,44,31,4,44,0,2,1,4,26,20,4,4,8,195,60,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021701309347997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549020553797098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693796436984611,0.0,0.12331468837233593,0.13504535933863113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445880705603948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762380294950674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309116933589772,0.0,0.08563655255797767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630144395780812,0.0,0.0975476206326217,0.06679687170437887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733816219462191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281237022939262,0.0,0.0,0.0570523284406337,0.20480505175262304,0.038580873111838575,0.0,0.20983857836951145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615045839602057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949662946412818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595301651836422,0.0,0.0,0.06563667322416454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987375869463053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648616628418351,0.0,0.0,0.05428444290356488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616231681611907,0.0,0.0,0.2459878168981761,0.0799667491049497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980722816846491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846888995131127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730688565523705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058724368574780784,0.0,0.7473490505865409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226774705249282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055522118128456095,0.1187073459227067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905922032046571,0.047316781992047856,0.0,0.058624542323841615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027157744032043,0.0,0.07213566373180709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043555590905332765,0.05861458471219118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491448961630204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreyIrontier2,2018/03/08,"It's inevitable, right? I have a brother, he doesn't like me but I have him. I have a father, he doesn't like me but I have him.

This is inevitable, right? I've always been the sad one. No one has ever wanted me around. I'm surprised no one has killed me yet. My brother has always said I deserve it. I don't think he's right because I've never done anything really bad but lots of undeserving people die every day. There's no good reason for anything really. What makes my death any more significant than some squirrel's? ",0.7770668583752709,3.18970180373832,2.6181308411214985,90.95179726815245,87.03738317757009,4.787634795111432,19.445722501797267,6.297961479604792,0.11202573687994244,411,12,84,4,13,136,64,107,0.341,0.59,0.07,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,3,0,13,0,0,2,2,12,18,3,3,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,3,1,14,4,4,15,3,8,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,6,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939336756276266,0.0,0.0,0.12011161956703655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906960133379424,0.15723443346812307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747518843099774,0.10766946516034714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390904695104932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330972348998328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807495448745272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976817313864092,0.14881487761368592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814536428622485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541030901314446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258091535977935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016096247782282,0.0,0.0,0.117899111485597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622472692887647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590586958058702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224501096342649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263020559245839,0.18160076782533413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525124752655288,0.16801160901295156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131746985266864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041784893717236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,braydizzy,2018/03/08,Well.. I just really dont think this world is suited for me. Ive hurt many people close to me. I feel like i must be some kind of crazy. I also learned at young age that on a universal scale we literally mean close to nothing. I just cant find a good reason to continue. If anyone wants to talk about there struggles im here to talk but i really need someone right now.,0.8357692307692304,2.8748222564102583,2.886858974358976,91.7310576923077,82.84615384615384,6.464102564102564,18.724358974358974,7.6454224807358475,0.4345589743589749,288,7,65,5,8,97,60,78,0.107,0.868,0.025,-0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,17,11,3,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,10,4,10,9,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,5,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705035429380646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490810247450565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24987992091836184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078051185652729,0.15231689405245746,0.0,0.0,0.19486960074742332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882999492327556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282451564537385,0.0,0.2303028237265156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202486231496235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416338157573156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616094666340752,0.0,0.2322476266033722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809212675145584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045802449266753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781260682543187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27317490295498353,0.21921485390202766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207972969509892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806516992549372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289283968483495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34273940519786866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661602481106105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575647449531546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917009266140804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,winentaki,2018/03/08,"I called Tonight I called the Suicide prevention line after struggle with my studies. I have been feeling so overwhelmed and down and completely lost it today. I was alone and lost but they were there for me. 
It made me feel safe to talk to someone for an hour about how I really felt and I’m really grateful that this was available to me",3.409545454545455,5.65246783333334,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,75.21212121212122,6.824242424242425,27.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.7222303030303037,271,11,52,4,6,84,48,66,0.133,0.715,0.152,0.5195,0,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,2,4,5,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,13,12,7,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,8,3,10,1,9,4,0,5,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254059907648047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444628184513199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281879446639792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008731477518814,0.0,0.20896536696058948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143283150212039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751523455906154,0.0,0.0,0.20593311267159453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788472924823723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440287403663935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22752113824331036,0.0,0.2380592315943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492813968747647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629414891353248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emilylengriffin,2018/03/08,"I never thought I’d make it to 28 I’m 28 and I’m honestly shocked I’m still alive. At 18, I didn’t think I’d make it to 25. At 25, I didn’t think I’d make it to 27. Yet here I am. Biggest thing keeping me here? My mom, because she can’t make it on her own financially and I know she doesn’t want to move in with her family. My best friend, Kate because I know she’d fall apart. My neighbor who I’ve become close with, he has already had so much death in his life.",-2.3480555555555545,-0.5828604351851805,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,97.79629629629628,3.9911111111111115,16.45925925925926,5.6839178017228535,-0.8696785185185183,355,10,97,3,15,123,63,108,0.062,0.8,0.138,0.7796,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,4,1,17,22,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,0,16,3,11,17,3,13,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,3,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277701079968765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25164189399753345,0.2279551616038241,0.0,0.0,0.2166065154341214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457775107989916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594659311813558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834598780000556,0.0,0.0,0.22686664966714334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457880724879632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511006425206677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24173591889705026,0.0,0.21937301625856967,0.1517294643861158,0.0,0.15919020421726754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483317048709542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712453926529805,0.2645085628264433,0.0,0.16386039776588596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174144424447847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amimeballerboyz,2018/03/08,"Needed to get this off my chest Hi so this is gonna be a lengthy post so feel free to skip :). So basically I'm a sophomore and i go to a public school. I'm rather well liked I'm not extremely popular but everyone knows me and I don't have any beefs with anyone and I have a great group of friends and a good family. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts ever since I've been 14(I'm 16 now) and I honestly see it as more of something that's gonna happen instead of an option. I've talked about it with my closest friend before and said she'd be absolutely crushed if I died. I want to leave this Earth but I don't want to let her and my gf and the people who care about me down. But on the other hand I feel like it's such a weight on my shoulders and this is the only way to get it off me. What would happen if I died, how would people view me if I killed myself???",0.6550409356725169,2.37797462105263,2.6245614035087748,95.04637426900587,81.73684210526315,5.906432748538013,19.502923976608187,6.937597516519254,0.0597836257309945,678,17,163,8,18,227,110,190,0.141,0.66,0.2,0.8649,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,12,12,1,0,10,0,14,4,3,1,1,32,34,20,4,9,8,0,4,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,12,12,1,0,4,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,4,7,21,12,20,22,1,11,0,0,2,0,12,6,0,4,4,103,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449768238146663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074463598832068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075786354477395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667202805969305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842219048391878,0.0,0.0,0.31896066894676633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899907329108027,0.0,0.14683379194119978,0.0,0.0,0.14486198141863008,0.0,0.15539559895599914,0.10977853045107484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23744287958403185,0.0,0.16056756768610067,0.0,0.08733153870787559,0.1288871741074846,0.0,0.16941655028491062,0.0,0.0,0.2717714579436413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700079016412153,0.0,0.08445043743745796,0.0,0.0,0.1627093791550103,0.0,0.15713319388650865,0.0,0.15014622018566415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394088264879425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686939510984387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306435980568275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471688930259809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461709018521374,0.0,0.0,0.15551750075398807,0.12245135950212395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271135350093449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829906550631272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808491174696866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351035800841445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199309409565515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127156610808096,0.12197237308348367,0.0,0.1871229537964477,0.13816357102551852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183188592425752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smallfab,2018/03/08,"nothing matters, i want an easy way out hey everyone, first time posting on reddit.

basically i can sum up what brought me here into a few phrases, to spare everyone from my bullshit self pity.
i turned 25 a couple of days ago and have never felt so close to suicide (something i have been wishing for for 15+ years), and hey im still here. so whatever. i failed growing up. i failed everything i have started (i studied international management at some expensive private school in my country and quit; i had an internship at a nice astro facility and wanted to study earth science, quit as well; i tried studying chinese and russian as a foreign language, it was fun but by that time the demons in my head had taken over (that was 3 years ago i think), i went on with this and tried studying biology, then quit uni altogether, worked at a pharmacy company doing boring work, and my newest fail was trying to engage in an apprenticeship to become an assisting biological technician, which i also quit.
the reasons for all of my bs is that i am completely uncomfortable in my own skin. everyone else i see is better at everything than me. i dont approach people anymore because i know i will hurt myself over whatever someone might say, even if it is positive. i am so fucked up in the head, that i am really happy to think about commiting suicide. i have planned it and i want to do it. i have 2 preferred methods, which are quite easy to do but i wont go into detail.
i have degenerated down to someone who i view as a complete faillure of humanity and ressources. of course i have thoughts like the world is better off without me and i think so but in the end, nothing matters. the only hurt i will cause are on my parents. to my dad i am his project son 2.0 who has every chance in the world to become succesfulll and live a fulfillling life. to my mom ofc im my mommas boy. but i guess they have to get over it when im done, and they will.
for all my ""friends"" or people i have had in my life and experienced growing up together, it is just gonna be a shock and then life will go on. so if i am right, then the pain my mother would experience will be lasting until the day she dies, but hopefully only once a year at some point, as welll as my dad. but for everybody else, days go by and life goes on lol. 
NOTHING MATTERS lol
so before i just do it, id like to get some more motivation for finally doing it i dont know if this place is the right too look out for that but yeah ill give it a try.
in my passing letter ill also write how much of a beta cuck i am and how i wouldve never found any woman again.
everyone has his choices in life, i am in the final stage of communicating with the people that mattered most in life to me and yeah after that im just gonna do it like the shia lebouf memes suggest

good luck to everyone else",4.024772727272726,4.981394554195807,5.520916083916081,80.9502202797203,71.11538461538461,8.517202797202797,29.68461538461539,8.841846274778883,2.2919390209790214,2223,88,450,40,40,753,272,572,0.11,0.762,0.128,0.8751,2,0,2,0,0,4,57.0,0,0,2,16,22,24,1,0,28,4,53,13,3,5,5,76,83,48,3,10,15,7,2,3,1,10,9,1,0,4,24,24,0,0,11,0,1,9,6,10,1,1,14,7,63,14,79,57,10,81,1,6,3,1,26,42,1,12,30,312,87,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468694133014808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034645778250099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399117960467015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415474915464946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03943420958672589,0.1428892697676052,0.05504612665879843,0.0,0.0,0.11442547513726806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645408907986539,0.0,0.0,0.1356517323536009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157786617256046,0.0,0.12515841584061774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671376424562288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619997066645074,0.15163157362751414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211970276910512,0.0,0.0572958280855854,0.0,0.0,0.042726903044488826,0.0,0.05450381930198615,0.3090686590416528,0.11627777056975068,0.06327888966665918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211220770635335,0.1417286968911543,0.0,0.0550249823702679,0.0,0.07092886112441045,0.049979062327432884,0.05980453808102727,0.06759534324387136,0.06205620588021341,0.11029385485582016,0.05425860837949399,0.0,0.0,0.07126294151999288,0.0,0.0,0.0688633342315899,0.0,0.0,0.13278048562230022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642514177697686,0.0,0.0,0.13850321433888116,0.0,0.27950368676417703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110347859089106,0.05273069792596242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741532730217717,0.09481228466443044,0.0,0.05712214521304671,0.0,0.054323012633452634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862549474058835,0.0,0.07576373503626138,0.0,0.0,0.047554335282044884,0.0,0.09978529055768362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621438863910664,0.0,0.0,0.06889236491519257,0.0,0.09839878614337826,0.06883434746734378,0.0,0.0718301996814262,0.0,0.0,0.1345429722357394,0.0,0.0675869146875377,0.0,0.061152627822498785,0.0,0.061954801846156975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440270224488364,0.0,0.0,0.0414418456056545,0.06651173319073896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048921353052776,0.0,0.05144380531623943,0.0,0.06546937837686899,0.051549274834915865,0.0,0.0674854121677326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962265929906367,0.04980125223022005,0.0,0.0,0.04578766649934855,0.0,0.051661237233386524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151995284457045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435154502632842,0.0,0.051356355381171566,0.0754421090738289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568010125211722,0.07036376198300913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446689304701844,0.0513476322999773,0.0,0.0,0.058163763341838065,0.05996795269643746,0.0,0.0,0.07438990378817571,0.062358513155095864,0.0,0.09418966980564236,0.0,0.0,0.04595367059418239,0.0,0.0,0.12497403901674012
suicidewatch,SeaRayBoi,2018/03/08,"I know what to do, how to do it, and why I've been digging myself a hole that I just came out of. I thought I had filled it back up with dirt but apparently not. I think instead of coming out of the hole I buried myself inside of it. With miles of dirt above my head, I'm not going to get out this time, it's hopeless. 

There should be a snow day tomorrow. There should be a snow day tomorrow. The snow day calculator dropped from a 99% to a 53%. There should be a snow day tomorrow. If there isn't a snow day tomorrow I'm not going to be ok. I'm already not ok. Nothing is ok. I'm not going to do my homework, I'm not gong to study, I'm not going to be happy or have fun because those words don't exist anymore. I'm not going to live.

There are so many trees with sturdy branches and tall rocks underneath them. There are so many huge building that are a bus ride away from me. I can walk to a drug store. I can walk to any store. I can go anywhere that I need to go because there is a bus stop nearby. The lights are flickering, there needs to be a snow day tomorrow. 

I want to do it. Hell, I'm probably going to do it once I get off of my pussy ass and do something useful for once. Nobody will care. Nobody will remember me, I haven't done anything. I've seen how the world works. Nobody remembers people like me. Their ""friends"" and ""family"" will be sad for a little while but then it will fade away like an old trend. 

The power just went out. There has to be a snow day tomorrow. Actually, I don't care if there is a snow day tomorrow. I have so much work to do that that is what I'll be doing all day. Work, and more work, and more work, and more work, and more work, and more work, and next thing you know I'm buying a rope. I have so much work to do. I'm not doing it. 

I hope this snowstorm kills me.",0.7059911453870349,2.350383665809769,2.668896743787492,95.17378784632963,81.23650385604114,5.967466438160527,19.288846043987434,6.937597516519254,0.020197886318194413,1382,33,334,16,36,463,157,389,0.08800000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.106,0.7103,2,0,2,0,0,1,56.0,0,1,2,10,20,15,2,0,21,3,48,3,2,3,1,54,83,23,1,9,16,0,0,2,1,7,1,0,1,0,19,19,0,1,6,1,3,15,13,4,0,0,7,2,29,11,40,60,8,54,1,2,1,1,4,14,2,4,26,211,48,10,0.0,0.0,0.07824803056324175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848505287849208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054527878855936025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952099537622571,0.0,0.0,0.06598461104900898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150671040494397,0.06165655697307856,0.0,0.09775886086474962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091709150261399,0.16350589164201232,0.0,0.0,0.06907142771448484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654084976639427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205608517902825,0.0,0.0,0.09298799900402062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755903518012076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194996998066904,0.0,0.08378567523649534,0.0,0.3645633820342106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535737346305064,0.0,0.0,0.08229193101333103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964081790841869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871173076742038,0.0,0.08813407373209307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834771756060149,0.0803654466953231,0.07080395302329043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258800876682225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788895213251467,0.1189108601113585,0.0,0.0,0.08527660810160555,0.0,0.0,0.07693872359712348,0.0,0.0841396338408846,0.1707867150621148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558949890195055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645192850372697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816657128755662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172957108417858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703742574863365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053270695678798864,0.05137867820836424,0.0,0.06365715013492462,0.04675594313657981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925324280602134,0.0,0.0,0.0472946087009117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433138391048523,0.0723536004232283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.525374251806571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zaphxine,2018/03/08,"I just need to get this out Depression isn't something people like to talk about. 

If life was an apple, depression would be the dark rotting part. For some it's not as bad, for others their whole apple is molding. It's the part of life that's nasty, the part we don't want. 

Some of us, are lucky. We learn to move on, we find a solution. For others we can't. Whether it's because we just can't find a way or simply because we don't know how. 
Some of us are afraid to tell anyone, like we're a freak. Some of us build up barriers and hide behind our walls. Some of us just go numb.

A person who has nothing, is scary. 
I know what it's like to not want anything. 
Not even to live.

I don't usually talk about what's hidden in my mind, about the voices that bring me down and such. I usually just hide them deep down within my heart, hoping to make my mind busy enough to where I'll forget.

My mind is filled with feelings and memories in which I can't erase. Feelings that will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

I don't usually talk about it because I hate to bring others down. Its like a black hole that pulls you and any others it can grab ahold of. 

Depression is not something that can simply be cured. It takes time, persistence, and strength. Acceptance, forgiveness, sympathy are all keen in helping ones recovery. If only it was as simple as choosing the blue pill.

I truly don't want to die, I'm scared of dying. What comes after? Who will take care of my loved ones? Is there really a punishment for suicide? 

Even though I'm not brave enough to take my own life, I know because I've tried, that I'm also so tired of living. 

What is truly the point of living this life if the world can go on without it? 
We're all going to be gone, and all memory and accomplishments will be for nothing....
Thoughts like these are what I bury beneath my music. 

But there is a silver lining.

Hope.

Its inside each and every one of you! It's what gets you out of bed in the morning, what makes you look forward to something new, it's what keeps us moving forward! 
Whether it's the hope of a new friend. A job or promotion. Heck, even if you're like me and you're just waiting for that new game/movie to come out so you can experience yet another amazing story! 

It's okay to be sad.
It's okay to be angry at the world. 
It's okay to be selfish, hateful, and scared...but as long as you have hope and the strive to be a good person, the world will eventually be good back. 
It'll give you an opportunity, a loved one, and/or a companion. And you don't let it go by, you build up the courage to seize it and Don't. Ever. Let. It. Go. 

Treat others how you want to be treated, and someone will listen and do the same. 

I've met many great people on here and I'm very grateful for their time and friendship. And it all started with someone taking the time to write a simple message. To anyone who's feeling lonely, sad, or scared...take the time to go meet someone new. Ask questions, offer ideas, share stories! Each and every one of you are amazingly awesome and unique in your own way. I can promise you that. 

All of us here know that life is a roller coaster. That it has it's ups and downs. Good days and bad ones. 

But truly, we are the creators of our lives and the paths we choose. We, you, are the ones that makes our life worth living. You decide how it's going to be. Build up your strength and courage, and choose your destiny!

But when you're down, feeling alone, it's okay to cry. 

It's okay. 
It is. 

I love you. 
I'm sure you have someone else who does too. 
Even if it's your silly dog who's trotting around your room looking for a bite to eat. 

Someone in the world cares for you. 
And I care about you. 


I want to see a world, in which you are smiling. 

Always remember that. ",1.1968181298489209,3.306615865806453,2.4264009799918327,95.13939893834221,81.95483870967742,5.265986116782361,20.003674969375254,6.406414082436518,-0.0018436096365856969,2916,79,649,26,79,932,291,775,0.108,0.72,0.173,0.9949,1,3,3,0,0,2,121.0,18,24,3,6,33,60,3,2,39,5,60,15,1,6,7,129,123,52,3,16,24,0,5,6,2,7,10,2,2,2,64,45,1,3,21,1,1,18,17,16,0,7,5,12,70,44,96,98,22,75,0,6,5,3,73,38,1,19,27,428,134,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170439792952713,0.0,0.0399228073674701,0.04153931335112358,0.0,0.0,0.0339488436746996,0.05234783465204852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981359953562842,0.0,0.041081760237860414,0.044441388945805266,0.04667056717187186,0.0,0.0,0.03838713073232606,0.08336599133352833,0.12172856729242833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269719100698448,0.0,0.0,0.08600720039239483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483725031224944,0.032195722961814686,0.0,0.12899388903667178,0.0,0.10362283298229263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043687299670014994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051082927513393564,0.041703636163409656,0.0,0.0,0.10316606398932968,0.0,0.13189270805617662,0.04515753557921892,0.08412330188848896,0.0,0.0,0.0488335423716148,0.0,0.0,0.10096876364081303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912560689163061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856980852093269,0.0,0.05216463303657886,0.04788997365846235,0.1986037662777229,0.1256172508058845,0.0,0.05503945973206945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985757780124104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915810969677559,0.03346183360157656,0.0,0.0,0.19833624443315684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056356146627453335,0.0,0.0,0.04954013257513728,0.04437319189945644,0.0,0.0,0.10974385779613197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020977712383304,0.2468309437124344,0.14633694569864,0.0,0.2204113183174727,0.044179622588953436,0.08384423788608897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517034619797932,0.0,0.09997047378859013,0.05061332852859225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122173167324188,0.0,0.0,0.10611890789550336,0.0,0.03701671774002188,0.0,0.19286089058367745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580349555978816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236800272516688,0.03796812268483831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218280403202684,0.0,0.06921960830947525,0.0871803707578084,0.0,0.0,0.04719266500466153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592434815576265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031981473347626334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655218043378987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998088385955881,0.0,0.0397815718660315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149481311895094,0.11529776709523876,0.0,0.0,0.035335227338405883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054606841634466385,0.0,0.04705113226951147,0.0,0.1501412842155594,0.12037684685466787,0.04363424918438555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904835970996526,0.039632692194337536,0.11644026781974072,0.057378285503186514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03389393253238865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603019386747305,0.0,0.16494692482714055,0.04119108667589619,0.14722719012098065,0.07925192084791591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573641220100879,0.0,0.04812327002625556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0354633359073399,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idennotaiden,2018/03/08,"selfish... selfish. thats what people think suicide is. selfish.


tell me, what kinda mental gymnastics do people have to fucking go through to come to THAT conclusion?


I'm in pain. I'm in agony. I have no hope for the future. I don't want to live anymore. But because YOU want me alive, I have to stay alive. But I'M the selfish one. Yeah. Ok. Sure.


Sorry...needed to vent...",-0.4990215264187832,1.3999598904109585,1.314804305283758,94.92332191780822,107.63013698630137,3.18160469667319,20.282778864970645,5.288315135182226,-0.0271440313111544,284,11,56,2,14,92,48,73,0.275,0.56,0.166,-0.8672,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,2,2,6,2,0,0,1,10,16,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,6,3,10,16,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486540710016847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284101145553972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159793348894624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179331310883936,0.0,0.0,0.1424940807331281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490287438825579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139676545744996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25267410792965433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859110874625756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698992812776509,0.0,0.26679148384230106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476454272614952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26724190045534896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742549294202845,0.0,0.2363074767461862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914667781880226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606559052581325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29577086992624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Harukakka,2018/03/08,"Hello everyone, I just don't know what to do anymore Hi everyone, this is like my first post ever on reddit, and I just wanted to write and share a piece of me because I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm 18, may be 19 by the end of this month if I don't do something stupid before. From France, pardonnez-moi if I make mistakes in spelling and syntax.

I'm considering suicide since my 13th birthday. To be honest, it wasn't really ""considering"" but more ""thinking about"", without the intention of taking action. But the years passing by, it just got worse. It got to a point where when I am not distracted in anything, the thinking of suicide immediatly takes over my thoughts. It is eating me more and more, pushing me to consider plans, buy stuff, and choosing a deadline. First, I decided to kill myself on my 25th birthday.

But a lot of thing happened recently, and I'm following what I call a ""gifted kid"" burnout. My parents, from middle class (fifth decile like I like to say), always supported me and raised me without forcing me to do anything. After a scientific baccalaureate that I managed correctly with scholar easiness, I went to public university for geography studies. Thanks to my parents, my best friend who came with me and welfare, I moved and got to live in a flat without having the struggle to work to complete my studies. Everything was well for me, litterally nothing was standing in my way, and by the end of the first semester I ""caught"" depression. It wasn't anything related to my studies, I was doing great and got the first semester easely. It just, happened, and I still don't know why. I dropped-out university one month after the start of second semester, because I started to miss lectures and tutorials thanks to insomnia and waking up too late. I spent the rest of the year just doing nothing. I was so shamefull. To my family, and to me. 

Of course, the suicide thoughts became more powerful. I started to talk about it, but never explicitly. Just doing some memes and jokes about depression and suicide. But as the suicide thoughts became more and more poweful, I just became more and more scared. Friend advices and worries pushed me to seek help to a therapist, by the end of january 2018. But it just got worse. Exactly one week after I started seeking help, I tried to kill myself. It was a stupid plan, those type of plan you pull of by trying to die but do not want to get hit by a train, hang yourself or crash into the ground. Really, it was stupid : you know bitter almonds ? Eating too many of them can kill you by cyanure poisoning. So what I did was : buy 1kg of bitter almonds on Amazon, grind 500g in a blender, hydrolyzing them for a little while and then drink and eat the mixture. It failed. *Obviously.* I forgot that to work, the bitter almonds had to be digested, because the cyanure is created with a reaction in the stomach. But when I passed out after eating what I think was 300g, my body decided to throw up everything. I still do not know if I passed out because it was kind of working or because I was submerged of fear when taking action. But I still clearly remember my limbs starting to feel pins and needle as a result of oxygen lacking, and general dizziness.
Some days later, I reluctantly went back to therapist because we had an appointment. She hospitalised me, and I stayed there for like a week. Worst experience of my life. I litteraly stayed in bed all day, waiting to see a doctor everyday, talk to him 20 minutes and then nothing, and doing nothing but waiting to eat, eat, and sleep. Wanting to die all day long, thinking of putting the fork in the electrical socket or searching how I could hang myself. But, on a positive note, when I came out, I was so scared to return there that I got a kind of motivation. But it quickly faded again, and since two weeks I'm facing yet again the nothingness of my live, and contemplating a new way to try to die. Atop of that (like depression and wanting to die wasn't enougth), I think I start to have gender issues, and that I may be in egg mode, and it is making me feel so much worse.

I'm sorry this post is maybe too long but I just wanted to express myself. I know I cannot convince myself to attend again a therapist after what happened, and since I run out of solutions I wanted to know if someone somewhere could help me, before taking action.",5.893095065312046,6.625351769230773,6.5019756894049365,76.4067035558781,66.76442307692308,9.308091436865023,33.96734397677794,9.357511181758683,3.1555298167634254,3440,152,618,63,53,1126,337,832,0.16399999999999998,0.727,0.108,-0.9968,4,0,2,0,0,8,123.0,1,3,2,15,41,41,10,5,43,0,49,18,5,6,9,137,115,68,12,14,36,2,2,5,2,2,5,1,2,1,32,45,9,3,22,2,4,22,16,22,1,8,33,7,87,19,116,73,19,111,0,5,1,0,27,27,0,12,60,452,119,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04654688210103256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963486841769222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447921869543194,0.0,0.0,0.11759487796281075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662720331094108,0.0,0.1742215515165378,0.0,0.0810651605292132,0.0,0.0499883950005736,0.0,0.0,0.0529100543683709,0.0,0.0,0.0486391054097562,0.10896001518750344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994279401106984,0.0,0.0,0.07606291028024377,0.0,0.0,0.09215895547557107,0.0,0.1230799309424932,0.0,0.19774411365952807,0.0,0.0,0.048754881762666666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666267287085744,0.0,0.2924456299895625,0.0,0.0,0.1265673658621479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308720670514368,0.0,0.09103165646898632,0.08561979479176687,0.04659468031905726,0.0449046025222798,0.0536009041350184,0.048169834048213095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206804364680658,0.0,0.0,0.07360301181200925,0.0,0.024886525554545298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228581056105728,0.052516076176363564,0.0,0.0,0.12636637829002748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578314599973947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971697406516954,0.0,0.0,0.158098153306023,0.0992058718048127,0.18324679133733046,0.0,0.05373263643840125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033644933252790554,0.11635655317622312,0.0477412573746124,0.08412246514948048,0.08430825580842727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040496278465366416,0.0,0.0,0.0635914310984142,0.04829286896139607,0.04785422967735423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604117323704221,0.050626847337544016,0.03501608612168194,0.0,0.03673787370932057,0.04600470857925382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282242214119104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455535309501981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578267757354608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045029031942084186,0.0,0.09123940705847186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788480049579938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061030449743956286,0.0,0.0470323116543096,0.0,0.05395944346215878,0.0,0.0,0.03788005250618274,0.0953788397236464,0.0,0.03795771376939423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820871236673115,0.0,0.04766787698514967,0.0,0.040359690195828864,0.036670577492425055,0.0,0.053321777308431295,0.20229131968004616,0.10154189656332914,0.11412046796918973,0.0,0.0,0.049796852139505306,0.05452893456393892,0.26051646118860194,0.054053904829234584,0.0,0.0,0.14325778554994012,0.07657196842730825,0.0,0.08770901109448964,0.0,0.16591841324940876,0.03164556532072623,0.152608042434713,0.0,0.11344697926637565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097020011721717,0.0,0.04653098527997914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857275204219388,0.07561847323052928,0.11462610530402573,0.0,0.04282821606609469,0.08831342016265092,0.04298180377047825,0.0,0.0,0.13775091508113144,0.0,0.10403321495692663,0.04837410773015502,0.14562774646870974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134879448571744
suicidewatch,Serialnosetoucher,2018/03/08,"I wish that I was dead. I grit my teeth through everything I do. I hate my job, my abusive ex boyfriend won't stop harassing me and I just found out he stole a bunch of money from my bank account. I'm broke, I'm tired, and I don't deal with stress well. I'm tired of being the brunt of everyone's frustrations at my job and being treating like less than human. All I ever wanted out of my life was for someone to love me unconditionally, but I never got that. I will never get that. My friends are tired of hearing me whine every day about how miserable I am. I'm tired of hearing myself say it. My anti depressants stop me from attempting suicide again but I feel dead inside. I wish that I was dead.",2.4447011494252884,4.012925924137932,4.0149137931034495,87.79938218390807,75.9655172413793,7.040229885057474,24.49712643678161,7.793537801064563,1.1618850574712645,549,18,118,8,12,183,87,145,0.315,0.5539999999999999,0.13,-0.9894,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,3,2,2,0,11,7,1,1,4,21,26,6,4,3,3,1,1,1,1,2,5,3,0,1,5,6,0,2,2,0,3,0,4,8,1,0,5,4,27,5,17,17,3,10,0,4,0,1,9,3,0,0,8,77,32,2,0.0,0.15557115208389194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467879307386017,0.1353663814064327,0.113090040463697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876998741644736,0.11062742218514414,0.12546448841889266,0.1180055836481388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639013086772748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396563699960155,0.10144343826402397,0.0,0.0685997666820111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501403716382253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296333354325954,0.0,0.0,0.2959733230775671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605935353684756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274233826311393,0.06414742292826071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850499302858936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253607192606185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441645452399692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125158169322834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954835369355785,0.15040575833219472,0.0,0.0,0.14362284855868326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036483753844977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774451984313987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180560791059986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019811601491523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Simoscivi,2018/03/08,"I'm terrified .. that there are this many people who want to commit suicide. I'm struggling with that too, and I alternate really bad depressed moments (like 90% of the time) to moments in which I feel motivated and alive. But in the end I still do nothing : I can't sleep until it's like 6 or 7 am in the morning even when I am tired, and when I wake up at like 1 pm my parents think I sleep too much and im lazy, a lazy failure; I should study for my exams but I can't fucking bring myself to even read the books, and it's been like that for fucking 6 months (since I started university) and I spend my entire day doing nothing but distracting myself through my phone. I really don't know what to do. I don't keep the promises I do to myself, such as starting to go to the gym, starting to fucking do something like studying,  starting to do something abouth getting a drive license (im 18 years old,19 next week,  and I live in Italy btw). I am not useful to my family, in fact im a waste of money and time. Also I will never be useful to society if I can't do anything. So I am seeing only one solution in front of me, suicide. But im too scared to do so. But it's the only fucking option I got. I can't live almost everyday (it's been like that for a long time) thinking about killing myself and I know I will break the heart of my family and my friends, especially to one close friend of mine, who told me to think about her when I contemplate death again and to call her everytime I feel like it. But I just can't keep living this pain. Happyness ends instantly. Motivation dies too soon. Death is my only option...


About my first sentence,lately I'm seeing too many people killing themselves or thinking about it (mostly on this sub, but tbh I often read about a guy feeling depressed on many different sites). So it's the society which is evil or we are the problem? Are we a mistake of nature? Are we born to feel like trash or it's something else bringing us to think about suicide?",2.5389304812834226,4.177871513513516,4.0677186009538975,87.21998807631161,75.87960687960688,6.753837259719614,25.97550224020812,7.5105763829236425,1.314737881196704,1554,57,321,20,34,517,185,407,0.212,0.688,0.1,-0.9958,2,0,3,0,0,5,51.0,4,0,0,3,27,28,7,3,16,0,31,10,4,4,3,59,66,32,8,5,14,1,4,8,2,3,2,0,0,1,20,16,0,2,13,4,2,5,9,16,0,3,4,6,49,12,46,58,2,46,0,2,2,4,15,12,4,10,36,213,69,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330518409790117,0.0,0.0,0.05854277156713957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024225909375136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112391022736036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475145961143308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721178141215145,0.0,0.12610435450128302,0.0,0.07597621811242178,0.07648463639744026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115417743449905,0.0,0.12967748560430395,0.0,0.0,0.09670367877730586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802410852475747,0.0,0.14806051114674412,0.10459669025843453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062268943460760076,0.0,0.0,0.1131174703645278,0.2707108836786515,0.03824708728064608,0.0,0.04160462827515793,0.0,0.058549485506500576,0.0,0.0,0.07248539967632375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674940292761242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316299951739681,0.0,0.0,0.13013762349746014,0.16198307407091447,0.0,0.08046415096412513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861178341831384,0.0,0.1939265844754081,0.06478496187257084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265802875749005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843229066559469,0.0,0.05381479625137887,0.0,0.056460941451471715,0.0,0.07785535806337641,0.0,0.0,0.1404861663225655,0.0,0.07681732969724109,0.0,0.09921249227203584,0.16702927071577392,0.07789629193808455,0.0,0.08128654385820676,0.0,0.0,0.10150357613704256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004820723205497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645152064095066,0.0,0.0937952119116866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329192658174795,0.0,0.1166713278902566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605567181232792,0.0,0.1465176364244334,0.0,0.0,0.16907254991185156,0.0,0.0,0.2072621920903083,0.0,0.0584623660349752,0.0,0.0,0.07653075339531401,0.0,0.2402262816628255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345370833681107,0.0,0.0,0.12806093401904733,0.08413947020830535,0.0,0.06995142215895238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805774393936758,0.126452872264539,0.0,0.0,0.043178765863782435,0.0,0.05872139717527961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471422314881778
suicidewatch,PromethazineOnIce,2018/03/08,"Don't know what else to do anymore. Longtime lurker first-time poster here. I have been struggling with mental health issues for several years. Within the past year I have reached out and sought help but it appears the situation only seems to become more convoluted the more help I try to get. Within the past 6 months I have:

-Planned suicide
-Dropped out of my last semester of school
-Attempted to admit myself to the hospital multiple times (however I was convinced by loved ones that there would be no help available for me there
-I was put on and changed medications three times (I believe the medication I am on currently is not working, unfortunately when I explained this to my doctor, it was suggested that the medication has not worked due to the environment I am in, despite having the same work, home, and life situation over the past year.
-Begun self abuse including burning and cutting
-Developed hatred for social activities

I am once again thinking about killing myself quite frequently, and have been hiding my thoughts and actions about doing so in order to maintain some peace to myself when I finally decide to go.

I am trying to resist this urge but the fact that I have reached out and failed makes me feel like this is meant to be. Any advice on anything else to try. Any bases I missed?",6.507731092436978,8.22398002521009,6.2313445378151275,75.32247899159665,65.97478991596638,9.129411764705884,32.90756302521008,9.478462496947786,3.1935731092436965,1058,45,177,21,17,330,147,238,0.147,0.731,0.122,-0.901,2,0,0,1,1,2,25.0,0,0,0,7,9,8,2,1,11,0,24,7,0,1,1,30,38,12,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,1,1,9,11,0,0,9,0,0,4,4,5,0,2,7,1,23,3,33,28,4,35,0,2,0,1,9,11,0,3,19,125,32,6,0.0,0.1328705509451916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958437465588668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525215210462637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121524827638236,0.0,0.0,0.09228374048283147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385260501079748,0.0,0.12634622014715025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863191875831006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478262320098558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873613747128456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056702628652910064,0.08011464015775675,0.0,0.12284665141969092,0.0,0.09538837196543544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858983925782847,0.0,0.06373317960493935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920225691557867,0.0,0.0,0.2255003059962657,0.0,0.11248809315583966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704765747550858,0.0,0.0,0.12406908534844492,0.0,0.061630597336902584,0.09141112293161882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920957977042058,0.05478717173474433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121300448410772,0.0,0.07485600426755587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389153789130336,0.11301328602104226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895110911961208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942812604443015,0.07599067521056126,0.0852894413525843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211581794551549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127342086300054,0.0,0.11927737609323665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349421931542562,0.0,0.10209034029332664,0.11698910787065933,0.12668912981366764,0.0,0.0,0.2521057867373981,0.0,0.11431517878645694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723571279585855,0.0,0.12266571765194224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185640001136,0.0,0.08902863606432145,0.1307824128641571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22841223372500186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449232749843699,0.0,0.0,0.07966283013628922,0.0,0.0,0.21664832238443488
suicidewatch,Heroo-,2018/03/08,"I have way too much anxiety i really cant handle it anymore, i just want to die right now, i cant go to school without worrying about something, i cant go in the streets even with someone i know and trust without getting anxiety",2.6837234042553213,4.449914340425536,4.558457446808512,83.30875,75.80851063829788,8.104255319148937,33.026595744680854,8.841846274778883,2.9913021276595737,182,10,36,4,4,62,34,47,0.159,0.6970000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.16899999999999998,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37727812219829865,0.0,0.2445489269835324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559192988705641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286897588316598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883199511484886,0.0,0.28028316129644404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355182556499701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812704720987348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797051673680415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105847109386348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24956010963035416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893311919936425,0.18983540510740088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544392654033375,0.19572998955751325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475403853379793,0.0,0.0,0.25042197220809964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brainless89,2018/03/08,"maybe some people shouldn't live I get these things called retinal migraines. They're the rarest form of migraine, and I get them around 4-5 times a week. They're so bad that I've had them since birth and I still vomit from the pain. Another side effect of these migraines is every time I have one I go blind for around 30 minutes. Eventually, one of the times I have a migraine I won't regain my sight, and I'll be permanently blind in my eye. I was also born with an enlarged heart that murmurs too many times a day to count, and doctors say I'll need a new heart by the time I'm 40. All of my family is dead and I have too many headaches to maintain a social life. Even while my mother was still alive I only made her sad, no matter how hard I tried to hide how miserable I was it never worked, she always said how sorry she was and how it was her fault.

Maybe I should just leave this life.",4.72620320855615,4.500348251336902,5.048556149732622,89.14577540106954,69.16042780748663,7.86951871657754,25.02139037433156,6.980632752743323,0.7447796791443855,701,15,159,5,11,222,115,187,0.187,0.792,0.02,-0.981,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,14,5,0,1,10,0,15,14,3,6,2,23,22,13,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,3,11,2,0,0,8,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,8,7,23,0,14,10,3,19,0,2,4,0,11,4,0,1,14,96,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074796525459489,0.11183158851734283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409301462231186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23928903589312944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221840814202258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723745376703414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667689838418184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756412202595894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876994987314474,0.0,0.11323781885840008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670038358358265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404369332635365,0.0,0.07638263224673328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039602478907682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31852935676389504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423102221141864,0.0,0.0,0.18986142663917627,0.0,0.0,0.1186776856241797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717255462602786,0.0,0.2725210636804865,0.2700457821983553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965591659094623,0.10365758585006207,0.12980438298613994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214587236251464,0.1022172763660278,0.14301110398439926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317605575667873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784520239236666,0.10688029540665307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117709068059126,0.0,0.0,0.13700390150923514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504498260503392,0.0,0.0,0.21466406937180932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928940553178226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918486810192488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124879566874547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780759428469426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784481990783328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tornbetweenlives,2018/03/08,"Suicide hotline hung-up on me. After spilling my guts about how sexual abused turned into  PTSD and depersonalization/derealization disorder and how that has ruined my life and how I turned into an alcoholic. Me and her talked for a while then all of a sudden she put me on hold and when she came back she said ""sorry I should be more professional"" and then hung up and then I heard the phone buzz (when someone hangs up on you).

We spent like an hour on the phone together so I'm guessing her quota was up and that she was forced to go to the next ""customer"".

Like wow.

Excuse me while I drink myself to death.

You know what I get it the world doesn't revolve around me people need help more than me but you know what I'd rather someone say ""Hey our hour is done if you need help call the suicide hotline again, i need to go, best of luck"" instead of some fucking bullshit.",2.5768103448275848,4.660008103448277,3.2995258620689683,90.7761853448276,77.16091954022987,5.9591954022988505,21.794540229885047,6.9077264865688965,0.4130126436781616,686,19,145,7,16,216,106,174,0.13699999999999998,0.748,0.116,-0.6174,0,0,2,0,1,2,19.0,2,4,0,1,12,7,1,0,9,0,8,5,1,3,1,30,25,21,3,6,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,13,2,1,2,1,1,5,1,2,0,0,7,3,27,5,21,16,5,30,0,1,0,1,23,11,1,4,16,100,32,1,0.0,0.17202848788484146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516583059019082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925144449579665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164349753453076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236978937822968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825701538817207,0.16606068833154278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640233019043776,0.0,0.0,0.1485815749876873,0.0,0.14223264493841412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422743801899273,0.0758566994811193,0.0,0.1650316407591821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994508732708598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463794589120212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859692642812134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958718304224154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025532304710617,0.1418667152648887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32297354010866985,0.0,0.0,0.1544130787338931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065768165282996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697213920063516,0.1459578161267186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811060769579805,0.1154623112411814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604100589500744,0.0,0.0,0.16253028283195162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176324290500909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669963299893438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31585387341546306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Koalabebe,2018/03/08,"Just to vent? I have people I can talk to about this, but I’m too embarrassed and ashamed. Also, if I did confide in them I’d end up in a facility, which I absolutely do not want to happen. Sometimes I’ll “jokingly” say I want to die, but I guess it’s clear now that I’m not joking. I tried attributing it to stress from college, from my mom, birth control etc. I just honestly don’t know anymore. I don’t want to get out of bed and the minute I get home all I do is sleep. Today is my birthday and I should be excited but instead I slept all day. Now here I am questioning every single fucking thing. What am I doing with my life? Why did certain friends just let me go without a care in the world? How can my ex hurt me so bad? This isn’t a poor me pity parade, but I’m really feeling it all today. All I want is the sun’s warmth on my skin and a smile on my face. ",0.7010457516339876,2.2262708941798977,3.105670712729537,92.59820728291321,80.7989417989418,6.351820728291317,22.22875816993464,7.285733465282438,0.5954578898225953,665,21,159,9,17,230,113,189,0.228,0.645,0.127,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,1,12,14,1,3,7,0,19,6,4,3,6,35,36,12,1,6,11,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,9,6,0,1,3,2,1,1,6,7,0,0,3,3,26,7,19,30,6,16,0,2,0,1,7,8,1,3,7,108,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996957361728587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117913141744214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569990517036676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570301636574403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822833490135146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481388112642852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867320095702545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394712669542822,0.0,0.18125609100225434,0.0,0.0,0.13693262571802425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217650526346601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556485624431793,0.1502498821947734,0.1698231051554422,0.0,0.0923655585937978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903739267620533,0.0,0.14371854025601588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302380681294396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739842184703392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931838305853583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619076500533542,0.1147947917682091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903449575751453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267297531371147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820629400564552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411638681578493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924480209082925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626403586961792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073938938905807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861695319725504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062982031872022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797305062505133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30810557584986825,0.0,0.0,0.11034243957094647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834410731443012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665171651796444,0.0,0.0,0.1566663593772789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,someirreleventhobo,2018/03/08,"I don’t know what to do I’m always told I’m not old enough to understand what I feel but I know for a fact that I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to live everyday knowing I’m putting on a fake face for everyone. I started cutting recently and it’s feels good it takes my mind of everything and it makes me feel happy, my friend found out and he made me promise I would stop and I would talk to him if I needed it but it’s hard. It’s uncomfortable for me to talk to people about how I feel because I feel stupid. I don’t know what to do anymore I should just slit my wrist and bleed out.?Would my parents care? Would anyone at all actually care? I doubt people will genuinely miss me. I want to be happy, I really do. ",0.5462500000000006,2.4937102611465,2.817766719745226,92.33773288216562,83.33121019108279,6.472770700636943,21.277468152866238,7.6454224807358475,0.7358410828025481,569,18,132,10,16,194,82,157,0.139,0.6559999999999999,0.205,0.9223,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,12,2,1,2,0,13,3,2,3,2,38,39,9,0,9,5,1,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,11,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,6,25,7,17,30,2,9,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,80,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.12325911617331566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509899533859254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052867239575993,0.08831801226640779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699663941420462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25756036986305736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051069942664595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206934199714371,0.11351815677650115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193274865165239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849102090015705,0.09758582410082776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594178375312796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689160183636287,0.11314782715556218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776639349201678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306587420559296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195163898057753,0.08431206898624809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753582722851348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365633495969487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253978186699267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402509151795652,0.0,0.0,0.17513316191732295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697517678274872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091661722647576,0.0,0.12471464901124885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940198076785923,0.0,0.0,0.10559976767252363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496845793115738,0.2030443716375811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206934199714371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149185945838948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223500513416462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589044377032914,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,savannahandliam,2018/03/08,Tonight's the night. I have my plan. This is my last hope. I've lost everything because of my depression. I was a competitive athlete but I had to quit a couple of months ago. I was a university student but I dropped out because I couldn't handle it. I've tried to get a job but had to quit that too. Everyone is sick of trying to help me and I'm done trying to help myself. I don't want to die but there's no other choice now. I have no future. ,-0.5877147766322999,1.5124030721649504,2.1604381443298983,93.9706228522337,90.44329896907215,5.295189003436427,19.423539518900345,6.816661863887847,0.21416219931271474,346,11,81,5,12,120,60,97,0.159,0.691,0.151,0.0608,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,0,0,9,16,5,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,13,1,10,9,0,9,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,53,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901394058787962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462101847067901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345065155301394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393676194057828,0.0,0.2095892313192294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666202234287254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296913118639056,0.18149705337893304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550903720278068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27072180063962675,0.0,0.0,0.2005790607007993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040135956618804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461385954137864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204491415000298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161192267647519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895136955520461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295912489635256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113265230104109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911364597422018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emomemequeen,2018/03/08,"My friend from London is self harming more and talking about suicide. She has a plan, how do i help? Hi, i live in the US. I have a long time friend that ive been talking to for a few years. She and i are very close and this isnt the first time shes talked about suicide. She had a failed attempt last year and has been trying to recover ever since.

Lately, shes mentioned that her mood is really bad and that suicide seems ""friendlier"" and tha shes deeper in the hole than she was last year. Im really really worried about her. Obvioisly, i dont want to kill herself, but i dont know what, if anything, i can do all the way from California.

She seems really serious about wanting to die and im completely at a loss for what to do. I dont think i can convince her not to do it.

Edit: sorry about spelling, im really frantic and i had to step out of class to write this",1.9562681159420272,3.3253393369565245,3.815739130434782,89.55389855072464,76.82608695652173,7.080579710144929,23.679710144927537,7.793537801064563,1.0243562318840571,674,21,151,10,15,228,99,184,0.198,0.757,0.046,-0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,1,0,0,5,7,11,1,1,9,0,25,0,0,1,2,23,31,11,5,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,5,0,25,3,23,26,3,18,0,2,0,0,23,5,0,3,11,103,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079852490069217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212736986123952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115686978145214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451311149214022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879448844481709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980676570340516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385319040845982,0.0,0.0,0.1704932650950707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395703382484382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575509469120586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220723160599746,0.0,0.0606387137935784,0.17987990253279687,0.12446573045064795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743020970264897,0.09764539149540567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534257767074818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008945943617941,0.1151062838212548,0.0,0.0,0.09127248481607976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351402055674295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620746025380249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660557888297928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069994228202509,0.0,0.0,0.1286775992053332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491205486828846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272266638165928,0.0,0.0,0.09104015717858922,0.13016006724988402,0.08758092967381514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205328925995328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316158178889555
suicidewatch,yeboi227,2018/03/08,"Anxiety advice? It’s horrible, my anxiety is so fucking bad it upsets my stomach, it makes me stammer like hell. I feel like i cant handle going into work. I genuinely want to end everything, i cant live like this, as ridiculous as that sounds, i gain no enjoyment from anything anymore, i just feel like im being watched when in public and people are talking about me constantly. Any help for dealing with this? i genuinely cant take it.",3.1103823529411763,5.418137847058823,4.796102941176471,79.60121323529413,76.41176470588233,8.014705882352942,30.625,8.841846274778883,2.9699705882352947,347,17,61,8,8,117,61,85,0.247,0.547,0.205,-0.648,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,3,1,0,0,6,2,1,1,0,8,13,5,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,4,11,5,9,12,0,6,1,0,1,1,4,2,2,0,7,38,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196208097699414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054724444524225,0.0,0.3162142223000716,0.0,0.20496775246291613,0.0,0.0,0.1700773155550633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725664130808872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334409136285413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307460437460432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830542128673098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857476929543349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900390070332495,0.2952997540715436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910692804363131,0.0,0.0,0.11745913247863415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385310366341488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324630380462016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038871873527101,0.0,0.18249931414983928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379583032979987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328360197914491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553951584932262,0.16611890410314736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190327350878598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046310039143498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kitten56789,2018/03/09,"How can I end it? Apparently people don't have any rights and everyone is just an object to buy, use, and abuse. I can't live with this. I can't deal with knowing that everyone is just a lump of meat to use with no obligation to respect or value others. I can't do it.

so how can I end it?",0.2411458333333308,1.821121656250004,3.135625000000001,91.58020833333336,82.4375,6.7666666666666675,20.041666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.5747166666666668,222,6,54,4,6,79,40,64,0.109,0.8029999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.3094,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,4,0,13,13,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,13,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,39,11,0,0.0,0.30597714421435074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561490905616514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623842692272154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574554139702842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935267927568704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192425661837335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280343565876397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903400973905825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053913261956432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460801407425365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pickle007007,2018/03/09,I'm trying so hard not to do something stupid I'm trying to fight this I'm really trying but so much of me no longer wants to carry on I'm in such a bad situation and there is nothing I can do anymore I've self harmed and tried before but I think this time is different from the last time. I had some small razors but I went and bought some proper blades I don't even know why I'm here,-0.3711627906976744,1.6801449069767465,1.8965581395348856,96.78274418604653,88.30232558139534,4.8353488372093025,14.413953488372092,6.2581,-0.7837079069767441,306,5,73,3,10,103,57,86,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.9445,1,0,1,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,17,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,7,14,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,41,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129690218852532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793028403857448,0.0,0.0,0.18273190851135074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243624876242508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183683779412554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236905578372904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801806169983026,0.17504557820884406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786205082038748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605331500261884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757094276030354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240255384093194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138202110401466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653209484236927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759972183476765,0.0,0.0,0.2504387031376853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5831901740925772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666197785660824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990704725449908,0.1937736749786485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_dw42,2018/03/09,"I think I'm going to do it My life sucks. My family hates me. I hate me. I already took 2100mg of Wellbutrin, and I'm thinking about going to a tall parking garage and jumping off.",-0.6223076923076931,1.5131124102564115,1.9750769230769265,94.79492307692308,91.56410256410255,4.1456410256410265,20.620512820512825,5.6839178017228535,-0.011096410256410394,140,5,31,1,5,48,29,39,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377835093695635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885591800567044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479217522202691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044109998200164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620399262349133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922667087247502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400828734756328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angelicroyalty,2018/03/09,"I'm really trying... I'm out of spoons. Just came home from therapy, took the rest of the day off of work, been crying since.

It's been a long and slow decline. How I'm here is just too hard and emotional for me to explain right now.

Someone. Please. Tell me I'm going to get through this. I don't know if I should go to the hospital. I harmed myself an hour ago and I've had some impulsive suicidal thoughts a few times this week.

My therapist is keeping close eye on me today, but I just don't know how to get through this weekend. My heart hurts so much, the pain is so real and raw. It's been a couple years of this now.... I don't know if I can take any more of this.",0.4771921182266041,2.226101827586209,2.365147783251235,96.55284482758623,82.44827586206897,6.0738916256157625,20.01231527093596,7.1686216300943375,0.2016108374384236,515,14,126,7,14,171,90,145,0.124,0.855,0.021,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,8,0,12,3,2,2,0,24,29,11,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,5,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,7,2,12,0,16,21,5,21,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,3,12,78,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831491411052175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378013833161778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913641245900244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513119192946947,0.18378799543335256,0.10790452385898924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882071872583497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483067228423174,0.0,0.1901782762726121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988164057046194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826943059484645,0.0,0.0,0.16783088330267967,0.0,0.16477186283116535,0.0,0.17911448418149056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871752219054776,0.0,0.0,0.2758563319726921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806877128943235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229959936351602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780352708698352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366195046646494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044143610093064,0.10718646256142532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288634804328482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840494131139994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417657068009508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301577675391348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580027946625086,0.0,0.14624094286591627,0.0,0.19133962191819487,0.19426595373970112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282965521699922,0.09756289423912133,0.0,0.15859533633850356,0.0,0.1858934494744844,0.11359610268586927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421023763577564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218075277385568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077455645652212
suicidewatch,nicolajr21,2018/03/09,"Does anyone know of a subreddit for suicide witnesses? 
I recently witnessed a suicide and I’m in need of talking it out. Also, I am very sorry to read all these posts. I wish recovery for each and every one of you. ",2.346860465116279,4.419332000000004,4.793197674418604,79.84468023255816,77.83720930232559,8.020930232558143,29.3546511627907,8.841846274778883,2.777981395348838,168,8,31,4,4,59,34,43,0.229,0.713,0.058,-0.8357,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,8,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314968516285112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762541891410868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223055380822305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403332356119545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960960933077352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836186757685192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721389851364588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432928979937567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541012281568308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508264306099529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28436856717475617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5557406113087433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041816875445868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960340320511625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921248189776052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spaz0123,2018/03/09,"Really afraid that I won't be able to outlive my mother I'm fairly isolated from the rest of my family and even if I wasn't,life will go on for them and I will be a mere painful memory.however,I don't want to do this to my mother,man.granted she played some part in the situation I am in but she doesn't deserve this.

Huh,what a mess....",0.4054166666666674,2.5528387083333333,3.161666666666669,88.42500000000004,85.52777777777777,6.933333333333335,18.722222222222214,8.07648339933343,0.7782722222222223,265,7,60,6,8,93,51,72,0.078,0.894,0.028,-0.2526,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,6,12,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,9,7,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,43,13,0,0.3786511888667971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009553910210564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569586417707992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519619665307246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029115618480923,0.0,0.0,0.41004233825375497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425736475058951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256198011491811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233382817076552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FallenSisyphos,2018/03/09,"I feel like dying soon Been posting a bunch of stuff related to my anger, sadness, desperation at the disaster Im facing. I have no other word for it. I have tried to overcome it. But it did not work out. Am abandoned by fate? Do I make my fate? Which one is it..
I have deleted my contacts. Not getting any messages anymore on my phone. I am retreating from people because I know what will happen soon. I am afraid but I cant stop it. I am dying? Please, could life not have been different? Cheers yall






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suicidewatch,Prxjected,2018/03/09,"Hard to come out with feelings So, I feel like I have two different personalities/moods and I constantly switch between them for no reason. I’ll feel really happy at times, talk to a lot of people, just be having fun then it just switches into where I isolate myself. Stay quiet, just listen to music. I feel like I’m bipolar, I feel like I match up with lots of the symptoms but I’m too scared to talk to my mom about it.",0.9980232558139548,3.3894039186046534,2.9942325581395366,88.91297674418604,85.3953488372093,5.300465116279072,19.06511627906977,6.742157984588678,0.272687441860465,331,9,67,4,10,111,61,86,0.097,0.78,0.124,0.3103,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,18,12,4,0,0,4,1,6,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,8,10,5,16,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,6,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377902115107747,0.0,0.19291650941535626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865152200730129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513249346763904,0.3826037938080646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003767221134507,0.15991869743764492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261647305866325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035423408720905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090802602718504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376316821996372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114364370516172,0.1835481115073836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872948685976006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902783795663144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855504511564791,0.0,0.28697494464197365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409634499318253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438792810367762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EfraimK,2018/03/09,"Disappearing Act I just read the first (archived) post anywhere where someone else expressed what I've felt my entire adult life--and acutely so these past few years:  that my hatred for having to do work I loathe is so intense that I'd rather become a vagrant living off my savings until they run out and then leave life. Three or four times in my life I've had terrific opportunities. I had the sense (?) each time to take them, but I inevitably fail. I just can't stick to great challenges while I'm in great pain. I cannot see the point. You work very hard; compete against other eager, diligent people; sacrifice time you can never get back, hoping that it pays off in the future. But for some of us, it doesn't pay off. It just leads to more hard work. Higher expectations--despite the things we really want not being open to us. 

No, therapy does NOT always work--even therapy with different professionals over long periods. Drugs don't always work--even many different cocktails or the ""newest miracle drug."" But what does work is entropy. You get older. You matter less. You lose more. And you're still struggling, working hard. For what? (Rhetorical) 

Anyway, I'm convinced the OP from the archived thread I just read is right:  vanish, exhaust savings, then really vanish. ",3.92167437557817,6.574268638297872,4.010952821461611,84.50434782608697,75.38297872340425,6.640148011100832,25.11100832562442,7.7425588080867325,1.5093903792784458,1010,35,179,15,23,311,147,235,0.17800000000000002,0.733,0.09,-0.9769,2,0,2,0,0,0,48.0,3,5,2,12,11,14,0,1,9,0,13,6,0,1,1,28,22,13,0,3,12,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,12,7,1,0,1,3,2,4,8,5,0,3,3,5,21,9,21,18,6,35,1,2,1,0,12,12,0,4,18,110,33,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479292167212198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614386129252915,0.0,0.0,0.10936497161906733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206919414414942,0.0,0.0,0.1733143177339635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296743654084858,0.0,0.08272240792268118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080972550090111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507921545194968,0.0,0.0,0.08423033647035041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347260934946832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183501036676982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26611997038239804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835384409625778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485283092606933,0.0,0.0,0.20983216564871787,0.0,0.0,0.0874406006861882,0.0876337196918108,0.0,0.11078327982404636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003954761273404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637393267941224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536923408492048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945302554819962,0.06865124005480087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361032381390487,0.0,0.09483826401506364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981029414439204,0.0,0.1268754826972095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456652988451868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890984380385165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390328428822871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908123196408316,0.0,0.0,0.10352208903108996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445423050311822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264866878693802,0.0,0.06578759278585875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322624990303692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822897864027304,0.0,0.0,0.0817057261249474,0.05840731791720175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046379904733156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376864291449942
suicidewatch,sorbetconfusion,2018/03/09,"I don't want to do this anymore I haven't been able to make a real friend in well over a decade. I've always managed to find a boyfriend, but that's it. I struggle with social anxiety. My dad died three years ago. My mom is bi-polar, narcissistic, and took every last penny my dad left behind. I'm nearly 30, recently got an AS. Decided what I finally want to do in life and I was rejected from the program today because my ACT score was too low. I have been working full-time for 11 years and I am at the poverty level. I hate my job. I am in a relationship where I feel alone. and am literally alone most of the time. I am here sobbing and have no one to call. I need a friend. I don't ever remember a time where I was not depressed. I've been trying to dig myself out of everything I'm unhappy with in my life. I've come a long way but I'm tired. The only thing that's stopping me from starting my car in the garage is fear.",0.5625376884422124,2.469885793969855,3.055324120603018,90.87946859296484,83.02010050251256,6.19105527638191,21.507788944723615,7.365786028017652,0.6788410050251259,719,23,163,11,20,249,117,199,0.257,0.688,0.055,-0.9914,1,3,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,2,13,0,19,3,0,1,1,24,32,8,1,3,3,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,4,0,0,4,5,7,1,2,8,1,23,3,24,24,1,32,0,4,0,0,8,14,1,1,13,103,29,4,0.14142907195151774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536833894311922,0.0,0.0,0.2929557315306998,0.0,0.0,0.1176803175103974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081928529345181,0.0,0.1402596362506113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621384956445885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444148951806985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182862250037207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181265243379305,0.0,0.14678104791485727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279306925473242,0.11916009290500976,0.0,0.1271073304708207,0.0,0.0,0.15914702556796365,0.07151078824682687,0.0,0.0,0.15492863532446516,0.12926360956001615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853550031952174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311374863122894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963192840091967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034653104807873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528356992726775,0.0,0.0,0.15366310049120366,0.0,0.1997910721478337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516027816374434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440500374237998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564001975220227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486786481078672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958359993674994,0.10756318225719153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609772466450971,0.0,0.0,0.13964414642175282,0.15184189492329492,0.16021156857118984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416912827156805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010422505872273,0.0,0.0,0.11824103692610236,0.0,0.14785237354741568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939591910711816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649368583947977,0.16255191315131795,0.13405822334271222,0.0,0.15713290278856354,0.0960210562069774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668370618758147,0.11225981433368304,0.0,0.0,0.12716172063314216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296204879282228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821513708050229
suicidewatch,f203056,2018/03/09,"staring at the fan this week my life was taken a turn for the worse. my boyfriend broke up with me, my friend group turned on me, i relapsed from anorexia, and i’m doing badly in school. i don’t know what to do. i want to live, but i want to die so badly. i’ve written a suicide note. now i’m just staring at the fan, looking for the courage to tie the noose and get it over with. the only thing holding me back is i don’t want anyone to think it’s their fault. ",1.4374504950495035,2.522452089108913,2.769393564356438,97.69389232673271,77.61386138613861,5.050000000000002,22.525990099009906,3.1291,-0.2966742574257424,355,10,87,0,8,115,66,101,0.221,0.647,0.132,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,8,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,19,4,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,12,2,16,16,0,9,0,1,3,0,3,6,0,0,3,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151104256970627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661722750869418,0.3618454956001512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248846007597907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741013039266578,0.0,0.113208858864307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908429318150232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530508745291097,0.0,0.0,0.1913366384462164,0.0,0.18196064921564226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479854614740533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192965746134552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370179896899474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395574545844878,0.13884286337748086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713816554348751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834189078038465,0.0,0.17381146742892178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082031178638034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hondo2kKY,2018/03/09,"Don't know what to do I don't know what to do anymore I'm 14 and really short and about 20 pounds overweight I feel like my life is one really big circle I have had I would say depression for about a year and I just feel like giving up everyone laughs at me and I'm just an outsider I have a verbal abusive dad who just treats my brothers better than me like yesterday I tripped and fell and little things like that drive me insane I'm good at nothing and just yesterday my mother slapped me and embarrassed me in front of my friends and said I cry all the time then she told me to go to hell I just don't know what to do this was just yesterday everyday something happens I just feel like I'm going in circles with my life

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suicidewatch,Mrgts411,2018/03/09,"Boredom really drives some people insane. I'm not really suicidal or really want to kill myself, just boredom on top of boredom.

I work, come back home and then do nothing, just browse reddit, twitter, youtube.

I sometimes code as a hobby and rarely play video games since my pc cant run them.

I have a loving and caring family, and i dont really have money issues since i save everything.

Yet i'm still sad and depressed, dunno what to do to break out of this cycle.

I was thinking of doing home exercise, but i didnt last even 1 day.

If you have advice on what i should do i would happily appreciate that, thank you :)",4.07195810564663,5.39134530327869,5.558961748633879,79.35152094717671,71.37704918032787,8.700910746812388,25.030965391621127,9.150863307647796,2.026816757741347,485,14,91,10,9,164,84,122,0.118,0.672,0.21,0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,1,2,6,8,1,0,2,0,13,2,0,0,0,20,21,10,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,7,0,0,1,4,1,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,14,5,10,17,1,14,0,2,0,1,5,4,0,4,6,60,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283379616122807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360009157489545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032916599099466,0.0,0.0,0.15235650322413088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140655142094054,0.0,0.1523365313698137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207288498740218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681993896162847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895795263242934,0.0,0.16673582780885146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548269399558461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846047033328997,0.0,0.0,0.1956787276868513,0.0,0.0,0.14417138791222436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596306758221943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971004187491892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226183090306492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532258159753744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926148086328305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492741330943504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124736758951362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346537047093207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283669991154615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333015707249758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432159058315484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876233348874022,0.0,0.0,0.12564226778349674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoNervous69,2018/03/09,"Help me I made a friend on kik, contact me for her username, but she is talking about suicide and I don't know how to help her! ",2.055,2.6652973571428578,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,75.42857142857143,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.5158000000000005,98,4,24,0,2,32,24,28,0.184,0.588,0.229,-0.2598,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33143468479334304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5750825683423763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235760315590665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059183528745692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692427066330094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448039094450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catvonjon,2018/03/09,"Waste of oxygen That's how I feel. Like a freaking waste of oxygen. My parents love me, but they think I am tough to handle. I am 25, I'm studying and I feel like the whole world would be much better off if I haven't been born. I don't want to kill myself right at the moment, but it's been a prevailing feeling of mine, that I should not exist, that I should escape this world. I feel like people don't even care. Apart from my parents and sister, nobody would miss me. So what is the point in me staying alive?",1.883611111111112,3.3474860648148166,2.9659259259259265,95.17166666666668,77.24074074074073,5.170370370370371,18.48148148148148,5.033348758259628,-0.5737851851851851,397,7,90,1,9,127,70,108,0.122,0.6459999999999999,0.233,0.9421,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,1,0,5,0,13,1,0,1,0,17,23,7,1,6,4,3,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,4,17,6,9,16,2,11,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,5,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675472129409799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315008050256674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251255197169285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831529191242745,0.4060150160180442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959095439526745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776572966646701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097998383287427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392626306372663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207087537868489,0.0,0.0,0.13133613816824966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908516164578495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617835518259638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192136245847184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213876238024335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173857267380928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115066904483528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691501843702792,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Banathahla,2018/03/09,"I want to die I’m just tired of being here. I’m trying so hard but it’s just not enough. The only reason I’m hesitating is because I have 6 small children and I worry what will happen when I’m gone. 

I feel so useless even though I KNOW my family needs me. I keep thinking about ending my life especially now that me and my husband had a fight. I think I just need someone to talk to who won’t judge me about my depression. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it but he doesn’t understand and brushes me off. I feel like I can’t talk to doctors because I don’t want a label",0.8850533333333352,2.7144359520000023,3.198900000000002,90.68128333333335,81.48,5.766666666666668,22.416666666666664,6.816661863887847,0.5549066666666662,454,15,101,5,12,156,78,125,0.214,0.738,0.048,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,13,4,1,0,3,0,9,3,0,1,0,21,26,9,1,4,6,2,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,4,20,1,10,21,1,6,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,64,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510904782166665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196516458805054,0.0,0.18311403338755175,0.0,0.0,0.18059102507125194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627105440694442,0.18230686753210648,0.0,0.1165351547119948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632935834797294,0.0,0.17842397302130386,0.1260468229931475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602289770711894,0.0,0.1580531406805355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682555493107955,0.0,0.0,0.09696531093679728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462286369911545,0.08619833933406082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261652004411122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418849658669735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814069020980787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494947287433282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254407898267088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610776046229966,0.17334872477516616,0.0,0.0,0.20278869019430107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395786532658036,0.0,0.0,0.18367742345373345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081345497433028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918061506992064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wordsmith_throwaway,2018/03/09,"I'm just done Recently I've been so depressed. I've felt so stressed by the toxic environment at my job, my relationship, and money, I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't handle anymore. I've been through so much and I feel like I'm just done living. I'm only 23, I have so many more years of my life ahead of me and many people see that as a good thing but to me it's just a burden. I can't handle 50-60 more years of this...",0.19818181818181912,1.6434785151515179,2.7646464646464644,94.8336363636364,82.03030303030303,5.612121212121212,19.080808080808087,6.42735559955562,-0.20893131313131308,339,8,85,3,9,118,59,99,0.109,0.8490000000000001,0.042,-0.7131,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,15,9,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,3,10,2,11,10,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381329123961602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198205696379808,0.16558830923039322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934857068752472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720952857471588,0.13734647910840458,0.1845942355326648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125374873536225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078268405027454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579486685206374,0.09392571848612463,0.0,0.1697640305660824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389831280760411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132899943202626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621802521777966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328489424368262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982788436092415,0.20640912210948825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320175102134045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022660102184805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772518515339545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339654149636852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761087549584165
suicidewatch,Throwmylifeaway77,2018/03/09,"Did a sick thing when i was younger, now i feel like i deserve to die This is going to be a long story... And im incredibly ashamed by it.... Im going to tell many embarrasing things about me but i want you to know everything..

I have femdom fetish, i enjoy seeing woman dominate weaker men... i have this fetish since i remember... Its all about power dynamics and submission...

When i was 17 years old i found a ""men vs women"" youtube playlist... it was about women beaten men in fights,wrestling and so on.... I masturbated to these videos alot.... but after going deeper in the playlist there were videos of girls (around my age) wrestling with their much younger brothers.... they were play fighting and a family nember recorded it and put it on youtube for fun... and it ended up in that playlist.... And the worst thing is that i masturbated to these videos....

Im not a pedo, i was not aroused by the younger person on the video... it was the fact that woman was winning a fight against somenoe weaker that made me aroused..

Im 19 now and i feel incredibly bad and guilty about this....

I can no longer concentrate on school,hobbies,music and so on....

I cant start a relationship with a girl i like because i feel like i she would hate me if she knew this thing about me.... And i feel like im a monster and i should not have a girfriend....

I also feel a very strong urge to tell her about it.... we are friends and i feel like she deserves to know this sick thing i did...

I have never done anything illegal and i have never watched child porn... i dont want to... But these wrestling videos made me aroused back then... and i ended up masturbating... I feel horrible... i feel like a pervert. I know im not a pedo but thats not an excuse for what i did...

Ofcourse i dont watch these videos anymore... i feel sick even thinking about it... I now watch only normal BDSM Stuff on porn sites.

Im growing more and more suicidal by the day..... and i dont know if its justified and if im a monster...

So i have few questions for you..... if you want to answer, please be honest and dont be too kind to me.

 - How bad is the thing i done ? 
 - Should i tell my potentional partner about it ? 
 - Am i overthinking this ? 

I just want to know if i can forgive myself and go on with my life..

I think about suicide alot.... and today i wanted to jump, the decision was real, i no longer felt the guilt of my parents being sad... when im dead it wont matter... i wont matter...   But i didnt have the balls to jump.... im too afraid...

I always try to help people on mental forums and in real life... but now im eaten by my guilt and i cant function... nothing will change the fact that i masturbated to these videos... I feel like a demon walking among people...",0.8439617486338769,3.0605727085610246,2.4866967213114783,93.53135655737707,84.20947176684881,5.262914389799636,20.989708561020038,6.588339656340683,0.2617470309653922,2063,65,454,22,60,675,222,549,0.173,0.701,0.126,-0.9882,2,0,0,0,4,1,165.0,1,3,2,4,28,29,4,4,29,0,45,11,3,3,5,94,80,43,4,14,18,2,11,7,2,6,5,0,0,12,37,28,1,0,25,9,0,9,18,12,0,0,21,15,73,17,55,49,8,47,1,1,4,5,35,17,0,8,28,307,110,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439393886382692,0.04571852916809359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449054189085791,0.0,0.0,0.04521494223641148,0.04891257878085345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224920959166024,0.09175333434600116,0.033493879685174165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058124381673167635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543489240844112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702409512810705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245534655831074,0.25757988998786263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973296836666914,0.0,0.0,0.03629056509285114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938090173911447,0.0,0.05179712869388742,0.0,0.27781774620102123,0.2355157349325977,0.05275568684397902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060244208406984766,0.042450266352906614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490573179210405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424667885375629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036828384778541175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6528487098871979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572166216872049,0.15098130418229042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776183660339665,0.18790299944772784,0.0,0.0,0.04862447645427438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398031942735704,0.0,0.055705469107523366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537150068531434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039079776513122,0.0,0.08475373416421235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383430173783271,0.05272107977727352,0.0,0.05765539302918338,0.0,0.0,0.04178804569425035,0.0,0.0,0.061009770225027536,0.0,0.0,0.076183702285853,0.04797573673985956,0.0,0.06031296206643204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523476513418475,0.06155082345136305,0.0,0.0,0.12507857051784418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058990222399560685,0.062241821111171075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055607136681550935,0.04378394361833084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045450960059609184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03889025820135352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289872490793208,0.1202015286550369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407270124099694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190175608874657,0.0704129017491345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052081307424880825,0.0,0.0,0.03730395661587152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045335267863942506,0.16203952455801607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903125560533045,0.0,0.0,0.035382691580611574
suicidewatch,allthenamesaretook,2018/03/09,"26 and life will never get better, and i deserve to die hi. im sorry if these break the rules. im trying not to.

i'm 26. i'm also trans (yeah i know) and have been abused my whole life. my family never set me up for anything (no college fund, never learned to drive, was pulled out of school after second grade, no i wasnt homeschooled). i have no job. no money. im also an 'artist' but my art is shit awful, even tho im 26 and have been at this over 10 years. i can't find a job no matter what i do because my resume is bad. i can't go to therapy or get meds or hormones or even buy decent food cuz i have no money.

i want to die.

people keep telling me it'll get better but it doesnt. i'm 26. i feel like by this point in your life, the trajectory of your life is pretty much set in stone. i've seen so many older people in their 40s and 50s and older who NEVER got their lives together, were always dirt poor and unhappy and mentally unwell. i don't want that to be me.

i've also missed out on living most of my life as a man. im 26. i shouldve been transitioned years ago. whats even the point now.

i have 0 hope. every time i try to make my life better it gets worse and worse and worse and nobody can save me or help me.  i self harm and get incredibly angry at myself over anything. today it was because my roommate was doing the dishes. i should've been doing them or done them already. im a lazy piece of shit who should just die already.

i deserve to die because i deserve to be punished. just like with the self harm.

i think about sucide dying and punishment a lot. almost everyday. especially when i get like this. mad at myself. i have very colorful language and ideas thrown at myself. i talk about myself very violently and badly. i deserve to be punished for messing up and being in general a waste of space and a useless idiot.

thats it i guess. i want to die and know my life won't get better ever and theres no fixing it and i need money but i am never getting money so i can't get help.",-0.19565610859728366,1.939749895104896,2.3511942959001786,93.18796791443852,88.51048951048952,4.670067187714247,16.803373097490745,6.1222181852022235,-0.3631683257918552,1551,36,343,14,51,533,200,429,0.303,0.628,0.069,-0.9991,2,0,0,0,1,2,49.0,0,2,4,4,17,24,8,0,12,2,37,11,2,2,6,64,65,38,6,7,12,0,1,3,0,4,7,0,0,3,16,23,2,1,7,2,7,3,20,15,0,1,12,3,51,9,39,45,5,41,0,2,2,0,16,18,2,11,20,218,67,6,0.0,0.07446091097383131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557081977518373,0.0,0.06293007332128922,0.0,0.1387017842856947,0.15077109289697813,0.05229197782019453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343196947017608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494570608142896,0.11492897379767733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223247711679692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913384054887756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431213552790116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452535937499605,0.056846795443220514,0.05294952518028812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924456350841671,0.0,0.031776261587476665,0.04489639762950901,0.0,0.0,0.0574390853718884,0.0,0.07599228309194755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955047221918302,0.0,0.03571619579270156,0.0,0.05026279466029382,0.0,0.06923072483283314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424720195666655,0.0,0.0,0.062419149825443526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094422444021235,0.40729955321948935,0.0,0.12472770033202794,0.05585942037616395,0.0,0.0,0.06907580933355377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107244003974173,0.09210850759695227,0.0,0.11098636774616176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053428472954538515,0.0,0.0,0.04194944801517679,0.06371484840039553,0.0,0.0,0.06980649867027454,0.0,0.06333286171699654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046198220706282565,0.04659868512210899,0.2423492437168481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713745920269833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188174571322268,0.0,0.0,0.06393584009032316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360237765534922,0.0,0.0,0.13112183977709854,0.0,0.12901874047743347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034970236210496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051233717306966,0.05492919854653816,0.0,0.0718686017485574,0.0,0.0,0.04026846405079587,0.0,0.0,0.036645357198969546,0.0,0.0595696016968379,0.0,0.0,0.08533510187042591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037072217654947,0.11120262237258637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701640685765822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921329171096081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094008958815667
suicidewatch,justaquestion1010101,2018/03/09,"This is completely hypothetical. But there's no help out there for people with this problem. I've seen people talking about them realizing how much their suicide would hurt those closest to them. Instead of being discouraged from suicide, it makes them rationalize killing those close to them before themselves. These people don't have weapons or access to them, or plans to hurt others, it's just a seed germinating in their mind. They'd wipe them all out to avoid them causing pain to others. Should I recommend therapy to people like this? Is there any help out there? Any ideas? Hello? Anybody? ",4.894219554030876,7.97643943396227,4.4210120068610665,80.52956260720414,74.47169811320755,6.873413379073758,27.560891938250432,8.00094639256281,2.08431320754717,484,19,79,8,11,146,72,106,0.264,0.639,0.097,-0.9747,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,10,1,8,9,2,1,1,0,8,1,0,3,1,21,10,4,3,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,1,11,1,16,5,2,6,0,3,1,0,14,6,0,2,1,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373536791598273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850023122108574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927596713781302,0.0,0.0,0.1829766674130809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23394874337611465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736458966799974,0.19700728062301376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307605690947446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525968461892296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649076076758258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762113742149508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282893132285441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856972894426036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839495818969593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669882081633044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817842779398677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402693209052641,0.0,0.0,0.19957421346671766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397113335499226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReallTrolll,2018/03/09,"""Girlfriend"" makes me feel suicidal First off, I put ""girlfriend"" in quotation marks because in  all honesty, she doesn't deserve the gf title. She mentally abuses me with the shit she says, I've tried to just keep pushing myself to handle it, but everytime I tell her I hate the stuff she says, she gets hissy pissy and flips the fuck out. She spends more time with her friends and acts like I never exist, I feel pushed out by her, I feel like one day I'd end up killing myself because of her. At first when we started to date she was so happy and so in to us dating, it was fantastic, but now she just pushes me out and mentally abuses me.  I hate the fact that I can't express my feelings to her because she gets mad and it turns in to a huge argument. I can't go a day without crying from her, the only break I get is when she's at school and I'm not in her classes. I try to make an attempt to try my hardest but no. It never works and I'd like to commit suicide 



Update: I started to self harm because she started making me feel bad about everything


Update 2: She left me, im in the mentally broken stage of getting over her....",3.165173453996985,4.161952923076928,4.503021618903972,87.294592760181,73.1880341880342,7.044343891402716,27.012569130216193,7.285733465282438,1.3036810457516341,880,31,185,9,17,292,126,234,0.214,0.65,0.13699999999999998,-0.98,0,0,0,0,2,3,28.0,2,0,0,4,11,13,6,0,10,0,6,2,1,3,5,34,28,14,3,0,7,0,5,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,6,13,0,1,5,0,1,6,8,8,0,3,2,7,44,5,32,26,2,42,0,0,0,1,31,16,2,0,21,124,50,3,0.0,0.25344297585203657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930105643455695,0.2607895493976328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748254429694802,0.1379513169422628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947283674847244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612221124007927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703925520402635,0.07640704680780784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819478633950513,0.0,0.0,0.08263140861884333,0.09887606916390837,0.2235135341964787,0.0,0.06078369730795754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385316259971462,0.0,0.21118734329321748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552729421059448,0.0,0.0,0.09506449454049996,0.11832734183107607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620444667124664,0.0,0.0,0.15675509446067382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141753196664456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233495682403525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497706708067167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247393318296164,0.08134236545038939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751702733323723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010619647664552,0.0,0.10824186578849322,0.0,0.0,0.11157501579580756,0.0,0.10978543338925208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22710506384196086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243527982282455,0.2339778400524424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348139418878827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062364992975520485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784163542813365,0.11633385056897493,0.0,0.0,0.1286509572404498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309860852579364,0.0,0.0778628562736356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZeUberSandvitch,2018/03/09,"I cant remember the last time I was truly happy. Nobody cares about me. I was suggested to post this on this subreddit as well, so I apologize if any of you have already seen this.

 Its one thing for everyone else to not care about me and hate me, but I don't even like myself anymore. I'm a fucking waste of space. I'm so goddamn worthless. I'm such a sack of shit that I'm not even sure if I deserve happiness or any friends at all. Why does being happy have to be so damn hard, anyway? How the fuck did I even get this far in life? I never wanted to get this far, I was hoping that I would be dead by now or something. Why does nobody care about me? Am I really that insignificant? I try so fucking hard to prove that I'm a good person, that I cared about others. I would always listen to others and support them. Why am I not worth the same amount of effort? Why does everyone always leave me when I need help? Y'know, I probably don't even deserve to be happy anyway. I deserve to die scared, tired, and alone. I deserve to be abandoned. Please, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to live anymore, life is too fucking hard for me. This planet has no patience for someone as pathetic as me. I'm fading, and nobody fucking cares, not even me. All I want to know is why? What did I do to deserve this? If my life is gonna be this shitty, and I'm gonna be this lonely and unwanted, I at least want to know why.

EDIT: Oh god, I'm so fucking lonely. I want companionship. I want a friend. I want someone to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok. Online talks just aren't quite the same as face to face talking, but I don't have anyone who cares about me. I desperately want someone to be by my side, but I have nobody. Why?! Why do I have to be so damn lonely?! I just want to know that I'm a good person. I wan't someone to just support me, to be by my side and help me. I see so many people with their friends, talking and laughing and supporting each other, while I'm sitting here wishing someone would just say hi to me. Words cannot describe how fucking painful and sad  I feel. I literally have no one to turn towards. I have no friends to talk to. Nobody wants anything to do with me. Please, for the love of god, I just want someone to talk to me and care about me! I don't give a fuck if its just some random classmate or something, I just need companionship. Please...",1.27737772314995,3.1095586314741053,3.1257311180808722,91.6764062897347,80.21513944223108,5.706603373739086,22.43383911163855,6.6644487293756285,0.4713363058404672,1851,59,408,18,47,619,191,502,0.242,0.5760000000000001,0.183,-0.9837,0,7,2,0,0,2,72.0,0,1,2,2,36,48,12,1,12,1,46,18,3,2,5,74,107,37,2,24,21,0,4,1,4,5,5,2,0,2,23,15,0,1,6,0,1,1,17,20,1,2,6,8,64,28,58,84,8,20,0,6,2,10,28,10,11,10,8,273,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140127617340295,0.05476747436015138,0.0,0.08259157066386733,0.0,0.0,0.0674996309547735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476576190108068,0.03470215546539497,0.0,0.04084091466559505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542046428097893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150766732892837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029353665442792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041459144786721615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638993437582889,0.0,0.0,0.09484637880809883,0.04460386532161078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02509420626008604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337475798031114,0.36705396728770506,0.051858813110096526,0.09521842862615956,0.028205633365030538,0.08325387213182656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211326438105064,0.13337506317555833,0.04899893425439515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653132109061276,0.0,0.0,0.049293370020474986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910047440456153,0.04045473072074935,0.0,0.05255055803893785,0.0,0.0,0.10516451775282876,0.02424650533106936,0.0,0.04382382736579661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479263256513703,0.0,0.0,0.05031660326650162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359940770149379,0.038277390762689635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726057408201533,0.0,0.05280937102406204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03440690101623097,0.0866692678702033,0.0,0.16343512222829634,0.0,0.0,0.04753141763954607,0.0,0.05350908005011066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527871661147745,0.0,0.0,0.03179397903857771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056220638109883384,0.0,0.0,0.03946743307363754,0.049687866362115016,0.0,0.039548348766869836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094404947612223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252305886548066,0.07641454893536377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689571737685725,0.046775290708400856,0.0,0.0,0.19945187765567451,0.04337843941249808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032971686910131186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02893940652817033,0.05704190006284492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0336952262566638,0.053982730278258124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512737374468141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044622951643902516,0.0,0.3582638040786645,0.0,0.05707156636383879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576628658288724,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,probablybetternow,2018/03/09,Im cutting myself again. Please save me.,-1.2566666666666677,-3.3766299999999987,0.1999999999999993,98.37833333333332,161.5,1.0666666666666669,15.166666666666664,3.1291,-1.2603833333333334,32,1,6,0,3,10,8,8,0.136,0.364,0.5,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7013930762416248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7127746857179416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PutridAd9,2018/03/09,"Masturbating makes me wanna kill myself. I wanna stop but i can't. I don't even know what to write about. About a year ago I felt really good. Did great in school, got friends, working out. But now I feel like a failure. I don't care about school anymore, getting shitty grades, and it's all by masturbation. I'd like to... i mean I want to stop but I can't. And just think suicide is the only option now, because, what will I be doing in the future? It may be even worse.",-0.2626059654631057,1.9938023469387751,1.7989795918367335,95.59162480376769,91.85714285714286,4.239874411302983,16.722135007849296,5.873414542411696,-0.5338549450549448,362,9,81,3,13,120,64,98,0.256,0.555,0.189,-0.8405,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,1,22,21,5,2,3,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,12,6,12,14,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,9,54,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392977916636868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458922216471586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960879391273024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000508426953093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25919187397623106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992105001361366,0.14017363404667746,0.18839394345346974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515926255026467,0.0,0.10251248299697116,0.0,0.0,0.1645730135247593,0.15692837191562373,0.2163240245930535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170791072879216,0.0,0.1078327853706859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917181914835067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097279258491404,0.0,0.0,0.2137319961927444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922779303084951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569820017588093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971533076453196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32808343181910143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146236865366689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257244955387699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573070830104855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284441000033954,0.0,0.1999564228848899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635386241076058
suicidewatch,eatyouregg,2018/03/09,I can't get into therapy I'm suicidal and can't get into therapy. I don't know what to do,-2.5628787878787875,-0.8595503181818174,3.360909090909089,84.0280303030303,97.63636363636364,8.387878787878789,20.96969696969697,8.841846274778883,2.231587878787879,71,3,17,3,3,30,13,22,0.231,0.769,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37362514395359664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650797044019602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39111727388597056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8178118044068182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,illuminatelumos,2018/03/09,I’m over everything I would rather burn in Hell then live. My social anxiety is literally killing me and I can’t take it anymore. ,1.7433333333333323,4.30468307692308,3.674615384615386,84.15371794871797,83.61538461538461,8.082051282051282,27.89743589743589,8.841846274778883,2.6598358974358978,104,5,21,3,3,35,24,26,0.36,0.64,0.0,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003043331175378,0.0,0.3893101566795825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528041000498673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343051497404503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34663421797750754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001614963229904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951533242342201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788605821822704,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Who_Manchu,2018/03/09,"I just cannot handle this anymore I browse this subreddit religously. I think i hate myself for it but its the only place i feel like i fit in. Im sat in the middle of a club typing this right now and even though and surrounded by people and my best friend is next to me, i feel totally alone. I want to run out on the street and dive under a car. I wish this was just a bad mood swing but everyday on the walk to work i wish god would hit me with a fucking lightning bolt. I swore i would never end my own life, couldnt do it to my mum. I owe her too much. But waking up every morning and wishing i died in my sleep is getting too much. I hate myself for hating myself. I feel like i always try to be nice and do whats right, like karma will come around right? Well its taking its sweet fucking time.  I literally stared smoking in hopes it gives me cancer, so far thats the only thing it feel like im getting any progress on in my life. Im just sort of saying the first things that come to my mind, but im sick of laying this on my friends amd family, they have their own problems. I have no idea where im supposed to go from here, and i dont think i care, honestly didnt think i would make it this far to start.

If you read this far i feel like i just need to say dont fall into the hole i have. Do what makes you happy otherwise itll all come crashing down. And i might have never met you but i would sit down and have a drink with you righr now if i could. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy and i sure as shit dont want any of you people feeling it.

Please just be happy, no one should feel like this, im so sorry if you do. Please just be happy.",1.2769413919413921,2.534003653846156,2.951890109890112,95.50977655677656,78.39560439560441,5.952234432234433,18.726739926739928,6.42735559955562,-0.2713890842490847,1286,24,313,10,30,426,176,364,0.156,0.61,0.234,0.9831,1,1,1,0,1,0,30.0,0,6,2,4,18,29,6,0,12,0,31,10,3,2,5,71,71,22,1,20,14,1,8,6,2,9,4,2,0,0,25,18,1,0,12,3,1,8,11,9,1,2,4,12,53,19,37,52,8,48,1,0,1,2,16,29,3,6,16,206,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697016420939744,0.0,0.0,0.0559982993318253,0.0,0.0,0.09153148459608568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674269122566495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059910528127253226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056191994524904684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062632520586604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861598743708917,0.0,0.0,0.17391682349999665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373290978331536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984591162960578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366223724362286,0.06592756396988349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059607087749915515,0.0,0.0,0.04445046601387219,0.0,0.0567024519653704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344366649383909,0.0,0.272227853249752,0.24039269675577024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724463826027276,0.0,0.0,0.10399034112430526,0.124433993480785,0.07032207563532471,0.0645594946948555,0.03824766831101553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149236485506081,0.0,0.1993319874120118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684325936154148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597256943937923,0.4361679027962768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507078582594924,0.19727384560428354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984543498568996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139378247179444,0.0679529752464891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894526462944624,0.04990148062308701,0.10381053506265757,0.0,0.07157342908460505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045603658223234235,0.10236810036801114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331353922442367,0.0,0.07031330707897826,0.14774855468194495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643962152064859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731738050960465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241936628864846,0.0,0.10703799980320412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908162924639143,0.0,0.0,0.06734777105341684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533590915845216,0.04763469777963068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342866976298106,0.0,0.05060059915109392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942115415545712,0.12936776906601186,0.06612109125533684,0.0,0.0392426862989502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045691717709388964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938958636595014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051003469578072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30956288937379844,0.0,0.0,0.048994596123596,0.0,0.0,0.19122959329230926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KWBooth,2018/03/09,"It wont go away. I'm so tired. The fight everyday to cling onto a life that has never been worth it. I have fucked up everything good i ever had, driven people away from me in droves. Now my own parents are cold and angry at me all the time. They seem more interested in clearing there own conciousness by convincing themselves and everyone around me that they are no way responsible for any of my mental illness or self destructive behaviour. I have never really been able to come to terms with being sexually abused as a child, it took me 25 years to tell my own parents and guess what? THEY DONT BELIEVE ME. The hurt is unbearable. I know its common for people with depression to feel like a burden, but im straight up treated like a burden by my so called loved ones. Im not stupid, i see whats going on they dont have to say anything, its how they carry themselves and act around me. I never ever thought it would come to this, never thought id have the ability to end my life, but i just cant do this anymore. I dont have a plan yet, but im looking.",2.1277906976744205,4.145850558139537,3.695523255813957,87.71444767441862,78.30232558139534,6.904651162790699,23.30813953488372,7.908726449838941,1.1951906976744184,830,27,172,14,20,275,129,215,0.129,0.7509999999999999,0.121,0.3055,2,0,0,0,2,1,21.0,0,0,5,2,11,15,4,0,9,0,20,6,0,1,8,32,38,12,0,1,6,2,1,2,0,2,4,1,0,2,12,10,0,0,5,0,1,8,11,8,0,1,8,5,24,7,28,27,6,35,0,2,2,2,14,12,1,3,16,122,36,0,0.10795204986283437,0.1279055266376322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734110957402523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705942588281624,0.0,0.0,0.08883533892635141,0.19220042308313864,0.0,0.0,0.20284900882062265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216249929848002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023111267269724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859822644581732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297894236317103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795569953629806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561347431250553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952976189448504,0.0,0.10315280982740216,0.09702034162835743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458380000682171,0.07712096599184834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997999305820337,0.0,0.0,0.1227032753860282,0.09054505767463053,0.0,0.0,0.11892135354562798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556490209556552,0.0,0.3498202155498725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059327623414612236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524994506790343,0.10547983738863943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065253346627616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743093973063194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087902756686347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33303710354797306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315110280806614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973595221778585,0.0,0.0,0.14968071788838666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915684741234998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584780292894056,0.0,0.0,0.08602380714166716,0.09827549179967912,0.11261753147419272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943548497593209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140373846021473,0.06294770840240732,0.12407500092926885,0.0,0.0,0.11993869946864825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856873124268014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668603892693535,0.0,0.0,0.06951758076468252
suicidewatch,m3nt4l09,2018/03/09,"Help for a friend So,one of my friends wants to die.I've pulled her back from the brink once before,but I want to make sure that she's safe.I've told her to go see a phsychologust or talk to someone,but she won't.I want to tell her parents,but I'm afraid it might push her over the edge.What should I do?(also i dont know if this might help but she's muslim)",0.38003164556961977,2.266279455696204,1.2561867088607634,103.64478639240507,83.55696202531645,4.456329113924051,16.20411392405063,5.148860815047168,-1.1797227848101266,283,5,73,1,8,87,56,79,0.0,0.823,0.177,0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,12,13,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,11,3,9,9,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,2,0,4,1,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722680023369073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564151578407818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235676748636647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524658083870265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328595508457175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224258095247754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887774487407689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838693467414907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379177340675672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570444160449834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229410883022744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716585672972336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302691865208813,0.0,0.0,0.17314312546873012,0.1882829749740934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583910589419996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381173603825516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ohlookathrow-away,2018/03/09,"You're the only people I have Besides my boyfriend, but he really doesn't love me anyways. So I thank the couple of you that have commented me in the past. It's been good living (not really). Oh, and that guy can go fuck himself that commented on my last post telling me that I'm a troll. He's the reason I'm doing it tonight. I have a noose made and everything, I'll do it off of my doorknob. It should work from what I've tested in the past. Later.",1.0752083333333324,2.862345270833334,3.0741666666666667,92.02083333333336,80.66666666666666,6.3500000000000005,21.08333333333333,7.3871296695380915,0.5763833333333328,350,10,79,5,9,118,63,96,0.101,0.821,0.078,-0.4905,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,7,0,9,2,0,2,0,7,16,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,11,3,7,13,0,11,0,0,0,2,9,4,1,0,5,49,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571860403333458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088985114443631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488335941649647,0.0,0.0,0.13209874933071294,0.19495630967089747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301482079986901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894663829583525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052452682407806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978258720546053,0.21993658664478044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677807075732976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44377297253257497,0.16114187310627073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260946041666824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29780893858246965,0.2389829455630197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031593306255436,0.21399586278450025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921619428566373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SousVideShaman,2018/03/09,"thank god for suicide I'm supposed to be a man but i can't even figure out how to be myself

tired of crying

overdosing edging up to that cliff 

it gets easier 

but is not what they mean",0.7614999999999981,2.70192415,3.0599999999999987,90.935,82.5,6.0,17.5,7.1686216300943375,0.12124999999999984,146,3,32,2,4,50,35,40,0.225,0.628,0.147,-0.6956,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,8,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43193031655421854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597160635221165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543960840603195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283284953986944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301154827949584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620213045296167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519449986935908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KieransFace,2018/03/09,iwanttodie please help me...,6.475000000000001,9.141556500000009,0.7199999999999989,97.025,109.0,1.6,29.0,3.1291,0.5838000000000001,22,1,3,0,1,5,4,4,0.0,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521145663467226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8534677483357558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedHotRanga420,2018/03/09,"Wanting to kill myself but being to afraid to do it. I’ve never really had these thoughts but over the past few months I’ve really felt like doing it, but I’m worried about stuffing it up or it being really painful. I know it doesn’t matter in the end but that’s my mindset. I’m stuck in a mindset where I’m too scared to live and too scared to die so recently I’ve just felt like an emotionless nothing.",2.347973421926909,3.806185093023256,4.020033222591362,88.12313953488373,75.97674418604652,7.239867109634551,23.913621262458467,7.957251820313856,1.1887063122923591,322,10,69,5,7,108,55,86,0.255,0.66,0.085,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,3,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,15,7,2,1,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,2,3,2,10,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,7,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321546801062846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819598715919941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39451142312355136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272901824142233,0.0,0.11290507761591805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007363272257008,0.0,0.1814082901899824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398115766650553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844887196258084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712631429720687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860385729249396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611681397014766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948325640922495,0.0,0.2028483408261932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411364840624334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630973169046801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117450697723685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863544969111328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onearmplanche,2018/03/09,"Anyone wish they could just have never existed ? I feel like after people find out I am dead, people are going to be over dramatic and everyone is going to pretend to like me much more than they did and people I have never considered friends will suddenly be friends. I think the movie World's Greatest Dad tackles how ridiculous this can get. A kid named Kyle who goes to high school dies and hardly anyone cared. After the school found out Kyle committed suicide all of the students suddenly cared for Kyle deeply and were deeply saddened by his loss. So I feel people's view radically change when they find out someone died from a suicide. To make it worse I will bet you peoples opinions of me get more and more ridiculous over time all because it was a suicide.  My death is going to be seen as 'tragic' and a ""mistake"" by people who have thought about my life for minutes rather than intensely for years and years. I am sure people will say and think phrases I despise like ""suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"", ""depression just clouded his judgment to make this mistake"" and so on. This is the decision I am most certain about. I hate that most people will see it as not respectable and a pity feast. I do not want to pity, I do not want tons of people being over dramatic because they view my decision as wrong. I know it should not piss me off but it does. I just want to stop existing.",5.625222222222224,6.6389809296296285,5.599999999999998,81.63000000000002,67.48148148148148,8.518518518518519,32.03703703703704,8.680891452615391,2.554037037037037,1121,46,207,17,18,351,139,270,0.201,0.731,0.067,-0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,1,4,1,10,24,5,0,11,0,27,2,1,3,7,58,50,18,8,10,9,1,3,3,2,5,1,1,0,1,11,13,0,1,11,1,1,3,6,14,0,0,6,8,27,10,36,34,10,24,0,5,4,0,15,10,1,4,14,147,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944580779442338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285231552045034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875034252460754,0.0,0.09792044280428497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390482528392846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972524110852612,0.0,0.19213364459877294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810033837784874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844887267473442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360628343492848,0.06612774303462039,0.0,0.0,0.1692036456448053,0.0,0.0,0.1014916527934238,0.14302943992797304,0.0,0.0967217434229784,0.0,0.1578187700298877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291916626336042,0.09138779047818772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977989524635356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050870755903535854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538069354894926,0.13566629046581374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123574383035511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804519357503609,0.0,0.14278213272602452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775500300220737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857125089584067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361061131899932,0.0,0.1873594278405722,0.07376152697730974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842918030473899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738765218152734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049999870222005,0.0,0.08724047842800219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862255253190565,0.0,0.07348547976738529,0.053974815179215874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637899436322936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644403655886958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433062815686706,0.0,0.1012042075584922,0.0,0.11921636763941212
suicidewatch,Gliese-581c,2018/03/09,"I think I've had it at this point I don't fucking understand the point of life, what the fuck. I have been prolonging killing myself for so long and I think i'm finally going to do it. Shitty family life, no friends, never gonna get a girlfriend, doing terrible in school. I have no future. Depression from all this bullshit I cant take it anymore.",2.9069047619047623,4.762558071428574,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,75.42857142857143,8.095238095238095,27.380952380952376,8.841846274778883,2.2498095238095246,275,11,54,6,6,92,53,70,0.343,0.618,0.039,-0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,3,0,8,4,0,0,2,6,18,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,6,15,1,9,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,4,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686101918376705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833940157288268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061417950632224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954134386304776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894322769541395,0.404312174888336,0.11424559538535847,0.0,0.12427470602414058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419249942327849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089049471965097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351529926554392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686511138694034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41342601662691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130483412710125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441197233287258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28022869854347393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276422765013431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Themanwhocantstop,2018/03/09,"27 club I have been dealing with abuse for 27 years. I've spent 14 of those years trying desperately to escape all of the PD relatives and partners. I've done therapy for most of my life and can honestly say that despite some pretty big bumps I was able to be healthy and successful for most of it. But the memories never go, and the cycles seem to repeat. I keep letting new abusers in every 4-6 years and it makes me feel defective in my ability to spot things. I'm drained and dealing with PTSD all over again. My obsessions and compulsions went from dormant to rampant a few years back and it has been sucking the life out of me. Especially since the energy was mostly directed at actually helping my abusers. I feel like a failure, and sometimes a coward, but if on take this step I could find silence again. Maybe it would be enough that one of my past abusers might feel some remorse and get help. In reslity it is more likely they will feel nothing. If I do this it is for me, and for my brain which just wants to stop running. My life finally caught me.",5.538605079131393,5.990775904306222,5.8111004784689015,82.03462642620539,67.4688995215311,9.301582627898416,32.82333456017666,9.265573868473778,2.7453103422892897,840,35,168,15,13,268,129,209,0.13699999999999998,0.7829999999999999,0.08,-0.9124,0,0,0,0,4,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,1,8,0,18,4,1,1,3,40,34,15,0,5,5,0,4,2,1,3,3,1,0,1,13,14,0,2,6,1,1,5,1,3,0,1,8,5,18,4,27,19,10,26,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,9,15,115,31,1,0.11623174296301304,0.5508624362236358,0.11342541450140688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937503578123683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975306529204306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928015888929622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396596465523196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894542785037525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009846118416832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793025648030644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350810464608564,0.0830359803969769,0.0,0.12732619305326898,0.10623370735262637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072628840989725,0.0,0.06605717808744803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581537449623709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331211367152104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885483212119966,0.2462937523073656,0.11356991703922847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775855909820869,0.0,0.11677040841443295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330351133372483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964508563273989,0.11225734163951216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152749216045396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876163713288888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095635055405062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824946865926053,0.0,0.0,0.13586868754911008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243214720475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581301343455647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614809888469462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495616582839185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717494163000748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739180548929606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292112777504853,0.0,0.07721920532252359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789137238198971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855649346020437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774799020271596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256769534930199,0.0,0.0,0.29939772664318465
suicidewatch,buggernugger,2018/03/09,"Tired of living I've been thinking about killing myself a lot lately. I don't feel like being a person anymore. Waking up, showering, eating, interaction with anybody, keeping up with relationships, school. It all just feels exhausting to me and I dont feel like doing it anymore. I've never really felt fufilled in life nor do I feel depressed about living an unfufilling one, I just feel like I'm done with everything. I understand the consequences of ending it but it doesn't feel like it matters to me that much. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and family but I don't feel like being with  them you know. This is just something that's been on my mind lately, I don't know if I will or not.",2.4409627329192527,4.844814731884057,3.9021118012422384,84.64304347826089,79.21739130434783,6.8414078674948255,23.625258799171853,7.957251820313856,1.4492737060041412,555,19,106,10,14,183,82,138,0.12,0.7609999999999999,0.119,0.5976,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,1,0,5,11,1,0,4,0,15,6,1,0,2,32,31,7,1,1,8,0,8,5,1,1,3,0,1,1,8,6,1,1,12,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,8,17,7,14,24,3,8,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,3,9,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410545930437428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467551515512677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436964682101395,0.14243484603631154,0.0,0.0,0.12435779228835395,0.0,0.0,0.10764146617565012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922531470413199,0.0,0.11456975233562705,0.0,0.4301523622160645,0.4341131787091249,0.11668998124839787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389548465855127,0.0,0.06349556413206954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802341310523084,0.1344573848527294,0.0,0.13358184952453792,0.0,0.2741872549048175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584179468481831,0.2968724970544577,0.0,0.21463033757522906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332233966417173,0.10968756526092394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271288805818426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934015867824699,0.0,0.09373313326013846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235337137619403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611723883168844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785664630510586,0.0,0.0,0.13048011233369386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299708571395157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935614334683628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787293348157337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968339830555487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651931759825005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287639416017544,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrsezioauditore,2018/03/09,I Worthl,-3.945,-10.0149655,-3.01,120.205,204.0,0.8,2.0,3.1291,-3.8106,7,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidal-sloth,2018/03/09,"Just to get it off my chest. I'm not really depressed. I mean I get sad sometimes, I'm happy sometimes but most of the time I'm just neutral. I don't feel comfortable. I want to die. But I would never kill myself. Best way to put it is. If I was crossing the street and a bus was speeding at me. I wouldn't exactly run to get out of the way. I'm bored and lonely. I'm 20 and about to turn 21, and have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel stuck and have no where to go. I want to just sleep forever and not worry about anything again. I feel extremely stresses out but have very little responsibility. Get up in the morning, go to work, go home and repeat. I haven't dated in 2 years from being cheated on by my last 2 girlfriends wich made my confidence go to shit. I have some friends wich I feel is all I need. But I still just, don't feel like living anymore",0.14558823529411669,2.133069909090913,2.380564171122998,94.64849331550805,85.20320855614973,5.237326203208557,19.51042780748663,6.508806274219699,-0.014942032085561332,671,19,157,7,20,227,103,187,0.234,0.664,0.102,-0.9788,0,2,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,3,1,5,0,15,4,3,1,3,39,41,12,2,6,11,0,5,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,10,0,0,7,0,0,7,9,8,0,0,4,5,21,5,24,34,4,29,0,3,0,0,2,11,1,3,10,96,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941698402503228,0.0,0.0,0.1156848631106041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752940092991973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108082604794945,0.0,0.14589921633447814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355405827689856,0.10042994715336262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861129107204713,0.0,0.2937877246306529,0.0,0.31957803702473997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496493789623093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101259431207352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869702442861094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553027087651408,0.0,0.0,0.11459096898113146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929538339957444,0.0686799909625487,0.14089748430684484,0.12413418042436147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330196216579904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313217231331966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423783936628436,0.1084234950874682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413211192460359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090058759529148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430272774742164,0.0,0.0,0.14068091874403138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27807323051776484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226688563177824,0.0,0.16103322084384944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197297514332566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291001226859924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599272270438273,0.16583473772000748,0.2231707590293136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234347311499556,0.1427651984799128,0.0,0.09986356806846636,0.0,0.0,0.09052852065111117
suicidewatch,sadboy22,2018/03/09,I just wish a accident would kill me I am a pathetic excuse for a human being . I don't know how to live. It's been so long I forgot if i felt happiness. I don't know what to do anymore.,-1.5760465116279043,0.17599697674418735,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,90.86046511627909,6.2306976744186064,17.902325581395353,7.554174236665415,0.4578037209302326,142,4,35,3,5,54,31,43,0.261,0.5670000000000001,0.172,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,12,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,7,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331659243093744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225586782593372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576183634509668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37167197968762106,0.0,0.3692517931796669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29664448165112617,0.2972996428333497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863187274745477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386447977843854,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,J_man_ross,2018/03/09,"This week I cut for the first time in over a year. While I have been having suicidal thoughts i don't think I'd go so far as to actually do it. 

That being said, I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. Again. I have no idea what to do. I spend so much time trying to help everyone in my life, but then when it comes time for me to ask for help, or even just have someone to talk to, they turn away, they change the subject, they start talking about themselves. 

The person who I thought cared most about me says she's busy constantly, but then goes and makes plans with other friends. I know, selfish of me to think that's wrong. But like, would it be that hard to just tell me no? This is probably whats fucking me up so bad right now.

I've tried getting lost in my photography and other hobbies. It only works temporarily. I've even tried drinking. Again, only temporary. I still come home and feel nothing. So much nothing, in fact, that I picked up my knife, breaking my one year and 1 month streak of having not cut, just to feel something, anything other than anger. 

That's another point, how weird is it for me to simply feel nothing. Nothing at all. Occasionally anger, but mostly directed at myself. I've always thought I had depression because I would go days on end with no motivation and a general feeling of gloom. But now it's evolved. I still have no motivation, but now instead of feeling sad, I simply feel nothing.

Whats weird is that I feel as though I'm making all of this up for attention, but if that were true I would be able to come home and snap out of it right? Like there is nothing wrong with my life, I have a good family, good friends, freedom to do what I want. Yet, I still feel like shit constantly. I have no idea what to do. What do y'all think? Am I making this all up? 

If this is the wrong place to post this I'm sorry. The sidebar rules are specific about replies but not posts.",2.3178737541528243,4.267883718346255,3.2664717607973413,91.33758139534883,77.44961240310077,6.490040605389442,24.23543743078627,7.447530270364453,0.9453046733111848,1497,51,324,20,35,477,181,387,0.18600000000000005,0.6859999999999999,0.128,-0.9808,0,0,2,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,3,7,26,27,6,0,8,0,31,6,1,8,5,69,66,29,1,6,16,0,10,4,2,3,3,2,2,1,30,14,1,1,21,1,1,5,8,17,0,2,8,12,39,10,50,52,7,54,0,4,0,1,17,20,2,5,30,217,69,3,0.07303971304376097,0.0,0.07127622382543719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077489234182778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658850757628127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060105460448137485,0.0,0.06828227205941123,0.0,0.06862321472494089,0.0,0.06098510952068841,0.04452433114137022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446885528981251,0.0,0.07726633167996494,0.18875173622706573,0.0,0.15785996393374502,0.08192024887143856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471045724885261,0.0,0.06290899781845137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155111227371681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469150642137751,0.0,0.0,0.09648408322292887,0.0,0.0,0.06979257586145186,0.0,0.0,0.06885534108966332,0.0,0.33237966161474225,0.10435917118497516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062127542602668374,0.0,0.0,0.11286060222953548,0.06752403776270098,0.038160235462381335,0.0,0.08302030424723396,0.12252449191078585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542923642549749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791396008431917,0.0,0.14652957495416158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490589120395727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04014071613533527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547703280912307,0.14273405765907915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973147485890669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626372685813166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058299602112020864,0.0,0.10738518628851804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42050144734465705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949359984108342,0.11109998613060572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377546015674719,0.07631095442025615,0.0,0.06904613734797492,0.0,0.13990371010883998,0.0,0.07874916418748844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475103171431995,0.06947749303060584,0.058084111411819475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497421583054083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061886311839151074,0.05622953949860876,0.0,0.08176197890310838,0.051697884825713934,0.0,0.17498882755797346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798935912447423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741310929883635,0.06383992855591554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404026967122723,0.07176114722261659,0.17395612062488588,0.1277701321368903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487675121120925,0.07944623391002703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043080715146921834,0.0,0.0585880521161305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317378099464189,0.0,0.0,0.1556559496036321,0.23957238074132625,0.0,0.09407036099824877
suicidewatch,PapaSatan,2018/03/09,"I'm a terrible person who deserves to be killed I have a great partner, I have some really kind friends, I have a supportive family. My life has kind of gone to shit because I'm about to graduate college with no jobs lined up and a completely worthless degree but everyone's done that so it's not like that's a particularly special problem.

And yet, I'm still unhappy. Every time I try to reflect on my life, I just focus on all the negatives and it comes out as a stream of pathetic, insolent whining. In spite of all the hardships that people go through that make my petty insignificant problems look like a walk in the park, I still feel the need to just complain about how horrible my not actually horrible life is. 

Worse still, my attitude just infects people and I have a tendency to get close to people only to make them feel like shit with my own toxicity. And then I shit-talk them and put them down when they're naturally repulsed by my disgusting behavior. 

I know for a fact that if I met me, I would hate them so much. I'm a shitty person and the only reason I have people in my life is because they haven't realized how shitty I am. But they'll realize soon and leave me because that's what's best for them.

I'm a poisonous person; I've made no one's life better; the best thing I could do for everyone in my life is die. 

I don't even know why I posted this. I just hate the person I've become. ",5.309608526337363,5.289962916376312,6.658926009428164,77.39070096331217,67.91986062717771,10.237261733961883,31.516499282639884,10.056822442137396,2.9677294117647066,1115,42,225,25,17,381,146,287,0.331,0.581,0.08800000000000001,-0.998,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,7,3,17,26,8,0,18,0,18,10,2,6,3,44,40,18,2,6,9,0,2,3,2,2,8,0,0,5,12,13,0,0,8,0,0,5,7,14,0,1,4,3,35,12,30,32,7,24,0,2,1,0,16,10,2,2,11,152,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.09189539232563933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221370572157127,0.104002298648886,0.0,0.0,0.19764918108435686,0.08328485727180072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111828377820396,0.09873443963583356,0.0,0.0,0.07518631038069228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773258905544284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636761572086368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621977582781708,0.0,0.0793414719211506,0.17996509343459802,0.0,0.0,0.08877418364147624,0.0,0.09522938526521446,0.06727437611109317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275476142922244,0.0,0.04919943314677693,0.0,0.05351843167560447,0.0,0.0,0.10382169151362887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594484875652376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344823489906727,0.0,0.1041840828973938,0.19612511384648296,0.10350567579233363,0.0,0.0,0.09971140918993283,0.0,0.0,0.3990862382144253,0.1380186988328893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907827078408668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910501609554351,0.12571712174835428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922507460631945,0.06982514488259724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381137398838149,0.14323958628685776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611398024466165,0.3288990699735074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901879030499095,0.0,0.0,0.18021409387213602,0.0,0.09466588799534326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032709398333624,0.09682144992704712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899894779047989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256105345932301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686190288553356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756895018008732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256172128072217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491072052757461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393459210340062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497290537799891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596628988378383,0.06689497932100442,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisisjustforanswers,2018/03/09,"Ive been suicidal over my loved ones one day dying every moment of every day. I have never told anyone this but maybe if i share it i can get some type of help. ive always been an antisocial person with no friends. it has always been this way. i had just a really close family. in 2012 my father died... he died in his sleep and he was so young. i thought about how he died laying there at his brothers house and there was nothing i could do. i wish i was there to at least try and save him. him dying made me more aware that my handicapped sister is severely handicapped and has a short life span. they didnt even except her to be 1.but she is now 20... it always made me aware my grandfather is 88 and could die soon. i barely left the house in fear that i would not be there if there was an emergency.  my family knew that they had to call me back or answer their calls. in 2013 i married a guy i met on craigslist... lol this did not work out. he walked out in 2015. he went to get food and never came back. i called hospitals every where... his parents. turns out. he was at his parents house the entire time and he had his mother tell me he wanted a divorce. and wanted me to pack my things. (i kept the house of course) i had only spoken to her twice and she refused to let me speak to him.i know i made mistakes, i did forgive the cheating, drug use, and the family that hated me.  i had separations issues with my family. but we were working on that.i could of avoided thinking everything was okay and left when he had to hide me in a closet at his parents house. till this day i still dont understand why i married him after 4 months. i paid the bills. i basically took care of him... i have seen my ex around town he will hide to avoid looking at me. i replay that morning every day in my head... like was it because i had made eggs that morning knowing he hated the smell... a bunch of little things that happened that day. But since then i have gotten back to my fear of my family walking away and never returning or then dying and im not there to help. i have left my families home in 3 months. even though i have my own house... i just want to be here to prevent anything or at least to help. i have constant fear of them dying. 20 times out of the interacting with them in my head im saying ""this could the last time we have contact"" i give them whatever i can. i want them to know that they could always count on me. i watch my sister a lot and she isnt eating as much as she usually does and it has me scared even though i know she just has cramps she cant tell us when something hurts. i dont know what to do. i even work from home so that im here. i cry myself to sleep  every single night. im up to mixing liquor and niquil cocktails and popping sleeping pills through out the day to turn down the thoughts. its getting worse. i want to kill myself so i dont have to deal with the pain of losing them every hour. i walk and cheat on them through out the night to see that they are all breathing. i sleep 4 hours a night. ive never told anyone and i just would like to be told im not crazy. im sorry for missing words and typos but im breaking down barely holding it together. honestly it feels a lot better to actually share it with someone.",1.2840375649991032,3.272958270710064,2.7705217859064035,93.44219383180923,80.9378698224852,5.635431235431236,19.414021875560337,6.714681859716394,0.06244457593688413,2525,62,560,26,66,823,285,676,0.155,0.757,0.087,-0.996,3,2,2,0,1,1,78.0,3,0,11,5,33,28,5,6,24,2,62,17,7,6,5,103,109,42,10,16,18,9,1,2,1,3,5,2,3,2,28,36,5,6,13,2,2,6,15,16,0,3,39,8,106,12,81,57,11,86,0,3,4,1,79,40,0,8,40,383,134,4,0.0,0.0,0.042574559726916116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520770854758014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101131672746346,0.0,0.03590206352724561,0.03883810138448996,0.0,0.0,0.040989870073859284,0.10064154005581356,0.0,0.02659517709750991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038585352763945514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364696271835408,0.049898721631760096,0.04448157544226843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047146285972206006,0.0,0.1741667335510212,0.0,0.04792322512401636,0.16881840764195138,0.0449784732157482,0.0,0.0,0.3622311713094394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038179089673991584,0.0,0.1533948035142806,0.0,0.050594540066837904,0.044642257248105055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526332747177165,0.0,0.2205504421696236,0.0,0.039209964307831593,0.0,0.2467711397493697,0.1472806289559342,0.022059588887571424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275505801780588,0.0,0.03370682530969231,0.0,0.0683813677278394,0.0418518794386932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319850322889195,0.03858002848143844,0.0,0.0,0.0861470838629659,0.08954967190231536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772863203131029,0.0,0.08752472852551989,0.0,0.08592943252841527,0.30204459527356536,0.04670459421553668,0.0,0.329879506192873,0.04553621702387305,0.0,0.0,0.04826783310518081,0.0,0.11988382835561465,0.03556258042226186,0.0,0.0,0.1422055989227306,0.04461250744570863,0.030815692450319874,0.04262879917540496,0.04372664060273028,0.0,0.0,0.03663646758988818,0.04880848657032005,0.0,0.07418180046279264,0.039375904116585474,0.1651271835821567,0.0,0.0,0.04383011293571247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964678426995644,0.0,0.03207154351094358,0.0,0.1345941760679483,0.0,0.0,0.1228255517117422,0.0,0.041862169047832916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912681984093219,0.033181001611149896,0.046423186377286166,0.0,0.1453309373889474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038094219808906066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027949164816049574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03469467569639713,0.04367916216550172,0.0,0.034765806335428195,0.0,0.0,0.04928713512244283,0.0,0.03608946898355918,0.0,0.17463772341557185,0.0,0.03696579782519549,0.03358690681570803,0.0,0.04883788825185972,0.0,0.0,0.034841315895447166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772186698018074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626545586709083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057968907295075416,0.02795501162555245,0.08572842624165407,0.06927139561101649,0.07631937874964484,0.0,0.0,0.12506505100996687,0.048472228054069116,0.02962049610144381,0.09490930493076656,0.0,0.0454182067656787,0.052479019952706665,0.03768051797475717,0.0480499937967623,0.0,0.12866439758318896,0.03462981479449753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044352197878725,0.03936741487936227,0.0,0.05016995867920776,0.0,0.0,0.09528494328235207,0.0,0.0444605810697188,0.061984049917120976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,realpornhours,2018/03/09,"Suicidal, I don't feel any emotions anymore. last try for help I've been really suicidal for the past 7 months or so. I've attempted once with Xanax and alcohol but before I could, my friend invited to his house to talk. So I went and talked and it seemed like it would be okay then. I quickly fell back into my no self-esteem, unmotivated, depressed trash.


I go to ( and live) at half boarding, half day student high school in California, with about 250 students. My grades are like a 2.7 GPA but I know and all of my teachers know I don't put the effort in anything I do at all. I'm often seen as the funniest guy in my sophomore class, but rarely get invited anyway. After all the day student ""friends"" go home on the bus i retreat to my room. 

I think it only funny just because that's the only time I ever feel even slightly appreciated, even if it's not even for me but my jokes.

My dad was an alcoholic and I only lived with him till i was 4 then he got sent to the hospital, he has been bed-ridden for most of my life and has about 3 years left if I'm optimistic. I lived with my mom from age 4who would beat me every day in middle school, which is the reason i live at a boarding school.

I have used about every drug out there, but mostly stopped a couple of months ago for fear of being found out by the school. I have probably used Acid the most.


Sorry for the long background. Anyway its jsut been hard because it seems im never important to anyone, and noone cares whatsoever about me. My gpa is shit and though ill say ill try i never do. i fake laughter all the time to seem normal because ive always been told to never show emotion or get hit. i only feel knots in my stomach constantly. I like a girl but she prob doesent like me back as some icing on the cake.

this is probably my last attempt at getting help.

thanks",2.648862342590995,4.275722211229946,4.00713989994825,87.82160169052959,75.55080213903744,6.85789201311023,23.8292220113852,7.601502580125103,1.0193528721752632,1433,44,301,19,31,472,204,374,0.108,0.7509999999999999,0.14,0.931,0,0,3,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,4,19,14,1,1,18,1,24,9,2,3,8,59,51,27,2,6,12,2,4,4,2,2,7,1,2,2,9,16,2,1,11,2,0,6,7,4,0,2,12,7,42,10,46,33,8,52,0,1,1,0,18,18,1,12,32,189,51,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069441364246583,0.1704590436431502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635918696690488,0.0,0.0,0.054233387193403884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909152203844144,0.0557637251398148,0.0,0.06562824439369311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264713014667793,0.0,0.14584633395161584,0.0,0.06786219254431725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131141826781936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618245510291593,0.0,0.06367465171501005,0.08824291972843598,0.0,0.15429831361186508,0.0,0.06868938450199609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924857936918613,0.0,0.0,0.17941819035962886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802426967478664,0.07213930863845135,0.13438724591100215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974200145201175,0.12097344401716092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744281065240983,0.12323078685888116,0.0,0.12499975411753,0.0,0.09064861621811372,0.0,0.06378412764975767,0.0,0.0,0.07896598826961533,0.0,0.0,0.07144119496980472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691077406374204,0.0842612672756384,0.07999671481007413,0.0,0.0,0.09202189962035894,0.0,0.0,0.08614472152422263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765808327650124,0.13001535231819716,0.0,0.0,0.08664965077536557,0.0,0.05633046116571318,0.15584916161546186,0.0,0.2816862331491675,0.07057708948451734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340335981815356,0.12731290990655186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452656922320806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813900751528874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493216900958632,0.0,0.2426167934677637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613131479081316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197004580157754,0.0,0.0,0.08017174159597497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109050675472506,0.08199726880373945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342116391262934,0.0,0.32284891459898585,0.0,0.21780683470190096,0.08319764372971138,0.0,0.081863213808966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927466978137844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667537310006559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744692110369564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282016005640002,0.0,0.0734239685693457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511011946039816,0.07835491272812653,0.0,0.09300685157471013,0.0,0.0,0.07620545939337635,0.0,0.1082913329331478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775844614901608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392993838783896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330558683304118,0.0,0.0,0.051357003138866326
suicidewatch,longdoggosimon,2018/03/09,"I just can’t take it anymore. I had the mental health crisis team visit me Just after Christmas as I had a plan, was cutting, literally couldn’t leave my bed and was beginning to hallucinate. They upped my sertraline/Zoloft dose to max (200mg) and left me to it. I’m in the uk and our mental health system is awful. They referred me to a centre of some sorts but 3 months later, no contact. 

I’ve had to quit University because of my shitty mental health. I’m involved in a play there still however, on the production team. That was keeping me going and I started to feel positive, but now I’ve gone into an utter spiral. Three of the guys involved think they are superior to me and are constantly undermining me and messing about. I cried after the last rehearsal as I felt I was doing such a bad, bad bad job. I’m certain the cast hate me and hate my direction, and think I don’t know what I’m doing and that they regret being involved. I can’t shake it.

So the one thing keeping me going has gone to shit. This seems so petty, but everything I try and do is eventually ruined. I want to do theatre as a job and now I feel I’m not cut out for it so what’s the point. What’s the point in trying anything when I just fail miserably. Even medications fail me. I’m on my 3rd antidepressant and now at its max dose it’s doing nothing and I’m suicidal again. I fucking hate everything and just want to die. 

No one will respond to this but I just needed to get it out there. ",2.6078145695364228,4.217957768211922,4.515901986754969,84.20161456953646,75.62251655629139,7.348556291390729,24.99390728476821,8.109356740369918,1.4709018278145694,1154,39,237,19,25,394,149,302,0.26,0.6659999999999999,0.073,-0.9969,3,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,1,0,4,6,19,20,7,2,15,1,23,8,1,0,1,45,54,25,2,5,10,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,15,17,0,2,8,3,0,6,7,17,0,3,10,3,34,3,32,41,1,34,0,5,0,1,14,13,2,3,14,162,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158827481259097,0.0,0.0,0.09259326893863402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818451404414522,0.06859033001241141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159269712085916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359646316561412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677660337531205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743175129143781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224903047559328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378562934091653,0.0,0.1080355576801594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040216869111098,0.058786355159506386,0.0,0.12789389352011127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141116231895078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33326664211164186,0.0,0.3588062179186284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331481378725712,0.2000235076307904,0.0,0.0,0.06183731223081643,0.09171772454503592,0.0,0.11914101320247142,0.1222518519549667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335071112544025,0.3401770300413402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981131992211497,0.0,0.0,0.08343115974297065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079646877138132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524911103469828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273300352307728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967744377407788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243276101899314,0.0,0.0,0.1154987862683544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964128579226598,0.0,0.08985754622251227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307715015311815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460002825871622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475239715926513,0.14419482644294698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527855667424453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273284037511193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HueyMichaelsIsaLoser,2018/03/09,"Lonely (writing this at a party) No matter how many people Im around, i feel like im the only person in the room. Like im the only person who cares about how i feel. It just hurts too much, ",0.0807142857142864,1.6808454047619072,2.8335714285714317,93.44892857142858,83.04761904761905,4.2,12.88095238095238,3.1291,-1.3798761904761907,145,1,33,0,4,51,29,42,0.17,0.632,0.198,0.0772,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,3,4,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411155001263996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108643705469788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914642878780454,0.1477505653677921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214025641626189,0.0,0.6701956330531412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208130705626207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968062852539726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203476422912146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145882738768661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433813127742961,0.36117037679605984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galaxyriot,2018/03/09,"I need someone to talk to please I just need to get things off of my chest I’m so sad and I need someone to talk to because
The sadness is swallowing me up inside and it’s taking over me and it’s always there and I can’t run and I can’t hide bc it’s coming for me please",-2.55453125,-0.8549373906249986,0.5497499999999995,102.52025,102.59375,3.1850000000000005,14.2125,4.935628992294339,-1.2994512500000002,213,5,55,1,10,74,38,64,0.14,0.784,0.075,-0.6113,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,10,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,10,10,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445887156120292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246263312274576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013136687295647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209970335755435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198614454537812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130694603420057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39603006773385935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571489721385716,0.37568179656041895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552612930950931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Disguised,2018/03/09,"My future just vanished I was doing so well, I had confidence in myself and a plan for the future.  I also had someone that I completely opened myself to and became vulnerable with.  We’ve known each other for years and over that time i felt what true love is. 

Things happened in her life and she had to move away, but the plan was always for her to come back.  We stayed in contact all the time and she remained my rock.  

Well, she just texted me that she met someone not four days ago and has fallen in love with this person.  But.. and heres he kicker, she still loves me.. platonically.  One thing to know about me, my biggest insecurity is being second best, it sums up my whole life.  

I have hurt most of my life but never to this degree.  Im tipsy right now but I should be hammered soon, I hope its enough liquid courage to end this miserable existence.  To anyone who has people that love them, cherish it while it lasts, because love is fleeting.",3.6021261261261266,5.351414329729732,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,73.27027027027026,6.446846846846848,22.603603603603602,7.03164865440522,0.6530252252252251,741,19,147,7,15,235,117,185,0.08,0.693,0.227,0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,3,12,15,0,2,4,0,15,8,0,0,3,29,26,14,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,16,13,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,2,3,7,1,27,12,21,16,6,29,0,2,0,5,19,10,0,2,15,117,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709495692965538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563696392677062,0.10991428798143496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236445508279062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410835288798736,0.1015735167894814,0.0,0.08052437390967099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386263929507626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137888355604098,0.13849993358574758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519086330298427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699767112311915,0.13649027333919106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683268385795504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681188012002285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120093550603082,0.0,0.0,0.1414112864946276,0.0,0.14268613228212312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259639734554871,0.10767570799079512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799095112685656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.596108086532004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039693078347712,0.0,0.0,0.1018804247854992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951153307805497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157859564720032,0.1153409578151204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280909185907174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384868617581388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407965474165777,0.1054918769062318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755171604629307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405224710374535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375399774163775,0.0,0.0,0.14748024383383168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506536458447063
suicidewatch,HoraceSilver,2018/03/09,"I'm unsure of what to do with my life Hey Reddit,

This may be a bit of a rant, but I need to get this off my mind. But before I get into the nitty gritty, I would like to start with a little background info about me for context. I have grown up into a loving family that has always supported me. However, my parents seemed to always be super over-protective of me and therefore I had few close friends throughout my childhood. But anyways, I grew up pretty much a normal kid, doing fairly well throughout school all the way to the end of high school. I loved playing in band, running cross country, and hanging out with high school friends. I graduated high school looking forward to finally be away on my own, making my way into the world. Then college came, and that's where I am currently a sophomore. 

It turns out college is nothing like they make it out to be. Literally the only time you can have fun here is at a party drinking or smoking something. And that's just not me. Plus the things that I enjoyed in high school have grown apart from me. I still love music, but college band is totally different and wasn't the same as high school band. I try to go for runs and stay active, but it's winter right now and too cold for a run outside.  Because of this, I have very few friends to talk to here because most of my good high school friends have moved away to different campuses. This just makes me feel alone and like nobody really gives a rip about what I think.

On top of that, I am bombarded with assignments and studying that takes up all of the hours there are in a week. I have almost zero time to have fun because of all of my homework along with working a part time job. I'm really only free on the weekends, but even then I have to do homework because if I don't I'll fall behind. Not only has my social life still been nonexistent, but my grades really dipped this past semester. I was sitting decent at 3.5 cumulative GPA until last semester when I got a 2.6. This semester is going a little better but has still been a rough start to the semester, and I just don't know if I'm cut out for college. I feel like college is literally setting me up for failure. It is slowly killing me and almost can't take it anymore. 

Due to all the stress and poor grades piling up, my thinking also has taken a toll. I started to think that nothing I do really matters. In the end everyone just goes about their lives and I do nothing meaningful with mine. It's been hitting pretty hard recently too, as I have been having suicidal thoughts, which has almost never happened before. I've been thinking that ending it all might not be as bad as it sounds.

I know that this is the wrong outlook on life, but I personally don't see it getting any better for me in life. Even if I do graduate with a solid paying job, I'll look forward to working almost every single day for the rest of my life until I die when I could just avoid all that stuff in the middle. I also know that this would hurt my family tremendously as they love me unconditionally. I would ruin their lives knowing that their son was hurting and killed himself. I'm literally crying writing this, thinking about the impact on them. I'm so lost for what to do and can't make a right decision to save my life.

So, if you read all this and have had a similar situation, what have you done to cope with it? I tried studying even harder in school, but it doesn't seem to be working. I would try a club or activity, but I have very little time in my day for that. My ""friends"" here are all thriving and doing well while I'm just barely making it by, and it's becoming frustrating. Any advice is appreciated. Otherwise it might just be time to end it all. Thanks",5.480894602315439,5.7418959106901255,6.175424447451513,80.03762171102092,67.56562922868741,8.896358442339498,30.35997594346715,8.713453558529999,2.2733936611035928,2934,103,572,43,45,962,302,739,0.1,0.738,0.162,0.9951,7,2,2,0,0,1,74.0,0,3,6,8,34,39,4,2,35,0,71,11,0,6,11,119,124,52,4,11,27,2,4,4,5,7,6,1,2,2,45,37,1,1,17,8,3,15,11,12,2,1,16,9,73,28,96,92,20,104,0,4,3,4,31,49,0,16,43,412,118,29,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828044215608628,0.0,0.0,0.19789791780600732,0.0511712747526298,0.0,0.07902232794516206,0.08222200438048377,0.0,0.0,0.06719759543781692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048998968859783616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283995486132154,0.0,0.041253202999943984,0.12047342608369488,0.054566707624892165,0.08408429559920416,0.0,0.0,0.08739384639321915,0.05394019913013085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056509023517064376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944787249162953,0.0,0.05427182434715788,0.06372750680838027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051277189847661185,0.1032406539419383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505610316297048,0.0,0.04840054535768429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750415383524356,0.0,0.0,0.09789957342231344,0.0,0.04162795396923074,0.04721098842865477,0.0,0.0,0.09315399729301664,0.0,0.04996383820907818,0.0352967315106585,0.0,0.054123506809815744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908605793719005,0.0,0.07744014657485729,0.04739618094602949,0.05615884748171874,0.04144067114896269,0.03951569528450722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043690893583113184,0.0,0.044259419940481035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31321045074729,0.0,0.0,0.04865644013278237,0.0,0.1057835121451634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805865020377154,0.0,0.10932416810944222,0.0,0.10861229072531936,0.04027371098280786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938789200499908,0.09655204527620294,0.1485578997620554,0.08725546436947662,0.0,0.08297972136029377,0.0,0.05393412824360997,0.0,0.1783688093775571,0.0,0.16489946652633186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104827110201167,0.04988749564764339,0.0,0.0,0.0525123588110552,0.03632020114388925,0.036635038986373686,0.0381061138039385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048408864784712624,0.14222350099407985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272990203244705,0.0,0.0,0.05486118742196293,0.05350351328969732,0.04716505418717755,0.0,0.043140727711059014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053038999695853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049420875465745966,0.0,0.12660685165667188,0.0,0.048783950713694416,0.0,0.0,0.08438747878311915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40002426316089584,0.03937138474802085,0.0899574740414389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553610581805573,0.0,0.050364729408671365,0.0,0.03803631125303735,0.0,0.0,0.10491265921197084,0.052661826551604375,0.11837069216908383,0.0,0.056596130153710025,0.0,0.05655977268966993,0.05404379140937381,0.056067051274322856,0.0,0.0,0.07429658998040027,0.03971188107087318,0.0,0.045487792582149134,0.0,0.0,0.032824150984971774,0.1582916713804828,0.0,0.03922404017211617,0.14404956772233907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063335829338524,0.05374117781914549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153273214880463,0.0,0.07843475562581535,0.039631720370988464,0.0,0.08884656136319731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790775644515543,0.0,0.0,0.140390696190504,0.05401935069931061,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shes-dreaming,2018/03/09,"hi. i don't want to hurt my mother. i love her so much. but i don't want to end up like her. she has nothing. i have nothing. there's one person i talk to maybe once a week, maybe once a month, whenever. sometimes he's the reason i decide to stay. but i just hate myself so much right now. i hate how much time i've wasted. i hate how i've ruined my body. every time i look at myself it reminds me of how weak i was and how ugly i feel now. it's my fault. everything is. some nights i can get used to it but tonight i just feel so lonely. i feel disgusting. i don't know what to do anymore.",-1.97086124401914,-0.10372121212121144,0.886140350877195,101.08342105263156,98.24242424242424,3.6880382775119616,13.76555023923445,5.399115186594226,-1.1886272727272726,448,9,113,3,19,154,75,132,0.324,0.623,0.053,-0.992,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,12,11,4,0,3,0,9,3,1,6,0,20,22,11,0,2,5,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,1,4,25,2,9,21,4,13,0,3,1,1,9,3,0,1,10,71,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371450463367985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096539236218604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834968041176778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209523838596227,0.0,0.13023823191216796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981671527709895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757109286361577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292140053463776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513209155336652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964025530509615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079704778046328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169020927829445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078941087081936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911686615393157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566797116256987,0.0,0.3195826261483111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599079529025726,0.0,0.278095375858788,0.0,0.0,0.308654689708566,0.09819662693666656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653222010188012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899443788319744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375469313758425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433224110219321,0.0,0.0,0.1544577057861379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647537589013154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689995748861814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515808481842589,0.0,0.0,0.17094658408481936,0.0,0.11624026369199553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Psychological_Record,2018/03/09,"Day by day I used to think about suicide many many times a day. I think I still think about it daily, but it is far less often. My largest goal is to someday forget the last time I contemplated it, if even just for a second. Love to all.",1.9644000000000013,3.2348712400000004,3.2089999999999996,94.31950000000002,76.6,5.8000000000000025,20.5,5.985473137389443,-0.1726000000000001,182,4,43,1,4,59,35,50,0.098,0.79,0.112,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,10,7,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,7,7,2,8,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,7,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637486950367002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831572648757414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538272506325136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633333005587485,0.0,0.0,0.4860244963683931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914200590511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621864978576456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46075900165749994,0.0,0.0,0.279535174673012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701878762133524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AllEmerald,2018/03/09,"Saw A Psychiatrist  It was mentally wearing to go over all of the reasons I was there to see the psychiatrist. It was financially wearing too.
   $300 later and I have increased meds and an appointment with a therapist.
  
 The increased meds just make me too tired to care if I get hit by a train or shot. So I guess that's a plus. I've been trying to remind myself of all of the ways that my kids' lives would improve once I'm gone. I really can't take anymore.",2.433191489361704,4.137156308510637,4.30739361702128,85.10875000000001,76.34042553191489,7.67872340425532,25.57978723404256,8.472884824447931,1.6804510638297874,359,13,76,7,8,122,66,94,0.033,0.85,0.117,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,9,0,7,3,2,2,2,13,18,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,2,8,1,11,10,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706836588238766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344159269914205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196229767389917,0.0,0.13012414367334124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522269963196359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021772719889585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283363413691642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086494046020367,0.0,0.2307394226736305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438366127090095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667865255216567,0.2354106401572911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245273737989706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721506153094766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26584204432505903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631576573061638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554498849851696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173904678794248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264773887534245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kerpliz,2018/03/09,"I just don't know I've been feeling really bad lately. I go to college but I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm wasting time and money. I enjoy doing art sometimes but I'm always so unmotivated, my classmates come up with great things and I feel like I'm not good enough. 
I keep making these mistakes that end up hurting people and myself. I feel like a nuisance. 
I also have a job but I have anxiety so lots of times when people come I just feel like I'm gonna cry.
I keep having panic attacks in the middle of the night and I feel like the only person I want to talk to about it doesn't even want to talk to me.
I keep having these thoughts that I should just end it because I honestly can't picture myself going further in life. 
I was planning on doing it this weekend when my mom goes out of town, and my sisters are gone.",1.4642415730337106,3.17619557865169,3.4656039325842727,90.0307654494382,79.1685393258427,5.348876404494383,21.79915730337079,5.985473137389443,0.23245955056179746,655,19,140,4,16,222,99,178,0.17600000000000002,0.648,0.175,-0.2914,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,1,1,5,0,15,1,0,1,0,35,40,14,0,4,7,2,6,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,10,0,3,9,2,1,5,5,5,0,0,4,6,24,9,17,34,2,23,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,1,14,92,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404008741604658,0.09784784478671688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995928720224153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337804474641865,0.0,0.0,0.09818629537208304,0.07168436956250733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025940853523395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917177305575733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083072214668929,0.1215063057393002,0.0,0.07766989982052422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567551476906785,0.4200468150048049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366305609296047,0.09863248625458088,0.0,0.12964808704192546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588708771286744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669415818098244,0.3135695448527517,0.0,0.0,0.12925346012780198,0.0,0.13265144757889186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306030367213177,0.2872530781513156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997443483248876,0.0,0.0,0.07849508183437454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772497632622568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035424716721486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894357339011863,0.0,0.13797152727488332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305010708318973,0.10267877220613388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533389427306025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630373023966405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903562395439125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812440124837496,0.0,0.0,0.0933567072120698,0.13714031761001122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387202828854899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nanajosh,2018/03/09,"The first suicidal thought I had (general rant) Just to vent (hope this helps a bit) the first suicidal thought I had was when I was only 8 years old. That's about it really nothing to add. Shortly after I got on anti-depressants that were less than affective. I still have thoughts though and have kinda a reserved it as a distant option to keep myself from going overboard. Kinda like always moving the goal marker after getting closer. It's mostly mitigation while I focus on recovery. I'm currently at the point in my life where I just want to retire (I'm 26) due to depression, PTSD (or C-PTSD) and crohn's disease. Looking on the brighter side of things though at least I'm slightly a bit more social than previous years. Just don't have a lot to talk about in the way of life experiences. Anyway... end of rant.",3.904264849074973,5.805203000000002,4.908227848101267,81.52036514118794,72.79746835443036,7.8995131450827625,27.343719571567675,8.617729084823388,2.134021811100292,646,24,119,12,13,211,102,158,0.099,0.841,0.06,-0.8399,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,11,3,0,0,11,0,9,2,0,1,0,20,22,8,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,9,1,9,2,24,13,7,28,0,1,1,0,3,12,0,7,14,80,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719850645454573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30754350120964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262784524261466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475131819628135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777835426553156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396139235186316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358832619546818,0.0,0.08004831673293901,0.0,0.11265063418853942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440880469511252,0.0,0.0,0.13989585857430256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519397644536598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897308024011484,0.06881220901122043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827854943109545,0.0,0.0,0.11974565685677313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970128907540176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514940049470234,0.0,0.14779841073246594,0.0,0.0,0.10712279314616176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314880309658356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32929229040398633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023213452940436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435788657588279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248301420635504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081341392267505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320991710368955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357449991793944,0.0,0.27676887450994697,0.335457567101801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830769957405262,0.11180019609999628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140560000707576
suicidewatch,mehbitch,2018/03/09,"My kid sister My kid sister tried to kill herself today. I know this isn't the typical post on the sub, but I just want her to know how much she means to the world and how it's not the answer.... If anyone is listening and have advice for my 16 year old sister or stories of overcoming your own attempts, I would love to share it with her. Thank you.",5.180068493150685,4.405915191780824,5.913801369863018,85.16878424657534,68.31506849315069,8.943835616438355,26.46917808219178,8.07648339933343,1.349961643835616,271,6,60,3,4,89,54,73,0.036000000000000004,0.7959999999999999,0.168,0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,0,16,11,7,1,3,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,12,3,8,10,2,6,0,0,0,1,14,2,0,2,3,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28315278322455184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026088360287436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205795254921364,0.0,0.3184920336048692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615221741985333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156365565437788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130089448626012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040572386363468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775125946383317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667745881600834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746611841179261,0.0,0.0,0.19672987109966847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090956387069733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583912755323908,0.0,0.0,0.1865976959358636
suicidewatch,clownkittie,2018/03/09,"I want to die I just don’t know anymore. I thought I knew what I wanted. I wanted to mend things with my ex, I wanted to get back with him and make things better. He’s been the only reason I’ve held on this long. I’ve been just sitting here, going through the motions, pretending I’m okay, studying the law of attraction and all that. I texted him today, I told him finally how I was really feeling, how I wanted to die, and he did exactly what I thought he would, exactly what he’s been doing the last two months. He ignored me.

This isn’t just a “wah my ex dumped me so I’m going to kill myself now” kind of thing. I’ve never had the best luck with guys, I’ve only had two serious relationships. One lasted four years, the guy was terrible, and the last lasted about a year, and the guy became terrible. But I don’t blame him, I know I held onto some things from my last relationship. The last two months I’ve just been longing to be with him again, it went from begging, to no contact, to messaging him because I thought it was long enough, to still being ignored. 

When he ignored me today after I told him how I really felt, it hit me. He doesn’t really care about me, he doesn’t care about how I feel, and that made something else hit me. Even if he did respond, even if he did want to be with me again, then what? I’m not happy, even with him..I don’t even think I would be happy? I don’t think I’m capable of being happy. With that realization, it made me think, what’s the point of me even being around anymore? I don’t see the point. I don’t want to be around anymore. I haven’t wanted to be around for a long time.",2.200877192982457,3.457196865497078,3.841228070175436,90.08359649122808,75.95906432748536,6.938011695906433,22.3157894736842,7.526774132740827,0.6937438596491226,1256,33,283,16,27,420,136,342,0.142,0.777,0.081,-0.971,0,0,1,0,2,2,48.0,0,0,0,2,27,19,2,0,14,1,33,0,0,8,4,66,73,16,3,12,8,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,18,16,0,5,13,1,0,4,13,8,0,5,24,4,44,11,36,37,4,39,0,0,1,0,29,7,0,4,27,188,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709341921739567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487049682024235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610775161591078,0.0,0.04448050745072183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657522815924098,0.06453410950461783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879111657165225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145815964336812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060955252833378874,0.0,0.0,0.07539526637022136,0.0,0.24097279356353504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737894471825384,0.0,0.07006055266778376,0.07993268312102997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038122675721199296,0.0,0.08293859036096997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674884935201288,0.0,0.23302681226309074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807280847272949,0.07598475874353212,0.0802024141571481,0.3568710862814491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582969076788279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808783624025076,0.048706588251911716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116484439839608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056277283184313534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049444885078774606,0.1109906344278756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379563554587132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140235166994787,0.07502307450196623,0.0,0.15668026825359713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814590751035662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617419479423882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827219745889541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939063164268402,0.14026450341011168,0.0,0.17378490189972515,0.04254812420389165,0.0,0.13832992801853136,0.1394477631007414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21383688039480764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443064988427556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676419026696127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366849538379487,0.0,0.0,0.0939777709403211
suicidewatch,MeleeDelight,2018/03/09,I've given up I just need someone to talk to. I'm so close to doing it. I'm new to reddit so idk how to the DM thing works btw,-1.9666666666666688,-0.9350585000000002,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,87.125,4.266666666666667,13.791666666666664,3.1291,-1.5474708333333336,96,1,28,0,3,36,23,32,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.2183,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794822369589198,0.0,0.4942853300405837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336339345441963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113535533079895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34000734233386426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725857169712744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theblackestday88888,2018/03/09,How do I disappear without leaving any traces to my body? I've decided when and how I'm going to kill myself. Next weekend when everyone is busy I'm going to disappear into the mountains near the Columbia River Gorge and shoot myself. What's the best way to leave zero trace and no clues as to where my body might be? ,5.262812499999999,5.68564965625,6.321875000000002,78.23562500000001,68.0625,9.525,30.0625,9.516144504307137,2.6833250000000004,254,9,48,5,4,85,45,64,0.207,0.7340000000000001,0.059,-0.8156,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,3,0,4,2,2,2,0,9,8,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,9,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592778209920904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457997318214625,0.0,0.0,0.5203318559939897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238075131946483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662255635201312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591300353054811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960109119392732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24847070174096164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490959231314668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591315484923304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577999010046654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Olispe,2018/03/09,"I wish it would all just end I just don't know where else to go. It's 3am, I have a job interview tomorrow morning at 9, and I'm so fucking terrified. I know that's normal but all of this is making me want to just kill myself and be done with it. This could all just stop. No more second guessing myself. No more being terrified that I won't get a job in qualified for because I don't have good enough references. 

I'm just so tired of being so terrified and anxious all the time. I think I've fucked my life up irreparably and I don't even want to try any more. 

I just want it all to end. ",1.1924735729386882,2.5975799457364346,3.344876673713884,91.96902748414377,79.0,7.171529245947852,21.804792107117688,8.00094639256281,0.8298310077519382,459,13,109,8,11,157,74,129,0.325,0.633,0.042,-0.9937,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,3,0,3,0,13,4,0,1,5,31,28,8,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,0,13,1,11,21,9,10,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,1,5,76,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110399487743513,0.0,0.0,0.2011855064483304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855904203304356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421864850081671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224291734211884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487672743348208,0.0,0.3154611325875205,0.1840095439568676,0.0,0.1176235484915054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292736652437128,0.0930421299850212,0.0,0.10120988308342477,0.14936935745522545,0.0,0.0,0.1961808476686536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534440241378837,0.0,0.1970248103141928,0.0,0.19574185971873656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578679358765538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887320681274335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448561588294673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888714240853276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410976023832205,0.0,0.0,0.10384287114967422,0.2046826590100464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090811313368972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151176702642997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478911018652768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265065665037634,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lenchantress450,2018/03/09,"Want to end it all, but afraid of ppl who care about me I am an international student, in order to get this far, I paid a lot of things just to get a chance to study aboard.  I went to the US to study and live under my uncle's guardianship. (I am sorry because my English are terrible). I had a rough time adjusting myself to everything, from school to make friends. I tried so hard, and yet 3 hours ago, my uncle, the one who I respect so much, tell me that I am a useless person, better off dying on the battlefield than being sent to study and wasted a lot of money. ""the biggest advantages u gonna have after graduate compare to student back in your country is just English, anything else u are worthless"". I know many ppl would say I am making a big fuss but my motivation was about proving to the world that I am worth something, that's why I tried so hard, but none of them acknowledge it, it would be fine if they just leave me alone, but constantly saying that I am worthless is another thing. I wrote this to ease myself and thank you for reading it, I just don't know how long I cant hold on to everything.",7.9805752212389365,5.498831924778763,8.156743362831858,76.83582300884956,63.82300884955753,11.163893805309737,35.87433628318585,9.3871,3.0339412389380525,869,30,181,12,10,286,136,226,0.103,0.735,0.162,0.9334,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,2,2,3,12,12,0,1,12,0,19,0,0,4,2,30,33,13,1,4,9,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,14,4,0,1,6,1,3,2,3,5,0,1,6,5,30,7,29,22,5,22,0,3,0,0,14,10,0,3,9,129,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278803505763817,0.0,0.0,0.14941285003585988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512722221275858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871606918225508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092926012277496,0.0,0.08794132074960809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758880571502632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708563432663418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589693731434914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497221070611531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051313593335902,0.0,0.1277741039593439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25930837272736595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145715349600728,0.0,0.15074281502500614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846243253501866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206989034340192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856622670279838,0.0,0.0,0.15275357407634496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738677779349172,0.12766812087283808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24529430596996024,0.0,0.0,0.1925932029811387,0.1462599308392609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604982566914266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775627004609333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596479394133256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430193287738888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294472860649734,0.0,0.14600174983742378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106062330165603,0.0,0.1614904980607344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609212737957054,0.1328178898101354,0.0,0.0,0.19168371209747773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412085320865371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589006975730788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353049800590226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508999218491935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373314738759012,0.13017482253626494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496044057670987,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Username_Tree,2018/03/09,"WHY Just fucking WHY?

Why did I have to exist? Why did I have to grow up to be such an inferior, stupid fuck? Where the fuck did I go wrong? Why the fuck am I so GODDAMN STUPID. I will never laugh about my mistakes. I cannot just let my ego shrivel into dust. Why have I become so detached? Why can't I understand people anymore? Why can't I JUST SUCK. IT. THE. FUCK. UP. and DEAL with the ways of the world?

Yes. It's unfair. No, I am not deservong of other's respect. No, I don't deserve friendship or companionship. No, I don't deserve food or clothes or a place to stay. No, I don't deserve to live a comfortable life. 

FUCK ME A THOUSAND TIMES. 

Why did it have to be me that caused himself to fall so low? I am a pathetic joke. Filled with hate. Filled with anger. I don't want to calm down. I don't wan to calm down. I HATE that I'm somehow mentally ill. Of someone saw me in the 1800s they'd have me locked away in a psych ward for having this incredible anger. 

For that, FUCK people. Every single last goddamn one of them. For what they have. For what I don't have. 

I don't want to die but life has nothing for me. I stripped it all away from myself because I'm retarded. I don't want to start climbing the hill. ",-0.8743274670018835,1.2648212906976752,1.262017598994344,98.43417661847894,95.7829457364341,4.0294992667085685,18.60087994971716,5.78547306074238,-0.3640026398491516,935,30,218,8,37,309,125,258,0.277,0.6779999999999999,0.045,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,3,1,10,24,14,0,13,1,32,11,0,1,2,22,51,8,1,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,5,1,0,1,1,0,6,17,18,0,2,5,1,33,6,34,41,2,25,0,2,1,7,6,13,8,4,4,146,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300496152946543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727222553832598,0.0,0.0,0.051020931307839724,0.09243679147932507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597990297262559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628796055233122,0.0,0.0,0.08686430081465613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051835575671365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012067782590396,0.0,0.0,0.5416358747683376,0.0,0.0,0.04756694970560005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652669742347616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822424856210613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558588158719592,0.11823537192076032,0.0,0.0,0.07390600896061421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434691828572899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455230760844452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030955550909402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056715272143039584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604996129558427,0.0,0.08744558006159321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091622005989116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059241187073162775,0.08920989540608477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880440999215624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713155768885328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810002656017887,0.06643480490297991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6797119442621449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150956093533556,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DannyLeighMartin,2018/03/09,"I don't know I understand the pain of suicide, and I've always thought of suicide as the selfish way out. I feel desperate for freedom and happiness, but I'm not strong enough to make it happen. I'm worn out and stressed. I get so stressed that I have flu like symptoms for days on end. This is probably a cry for attention too, and I hate myself for it",3.8067123287671234,4.5644313150684965,4.8135890410958915,86.55572602739728,71.46575342465755,8.579726027397259,32.40821917808219,8.841846274778883,2.5135172602739733,278,13,60,5,5,91,52,73,0.398,0.513,0.08900000000000001,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,2,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,14,14,7,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,7,3,11,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687075840687018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227157666028205,0.13075956726391258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957987809719378,0.20949909867788089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251852285242814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593060529241467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792947072440708,0.21583542083034155,0.0,0.2001776150654231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142830502916697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905537099328172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533988046868153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157445688475065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186031225325104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645080818845415,0.0,0.0,0.4435599716298072,0.0,0.0,0.2107390563386808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096404131014186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107408174985928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609367009276072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RaelianChick186,2018/03/09,"I can't kill myself (my religion) but I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of life. I'm 16, doing Year 11, and staying up till half past 3 every night trying to get all my work done, but I'm falling behind. There is no one at school or home to help me, cause I'm hated at this Christian school for my religion, and I live in a care home cause my parents were some stupid druggo weirdos who didn't know how to use contraception. I work for a creepy ass boss for half the minimum wage, because it's the only job I can get. My last mate ditched me and I have no one and nothing. I'm thinking of packing up all my shit and going bush in NZ or somewhere, living off the land. (Before they started teaching us how to use guns, I did survival training with the AAFC for 2.5 years) What should I do, cause honestly I have nothing and I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here or what the actual fuck is wrong with humans. Am I allowed to go bush in Australia at 16? Plz, this is my last resort.",2.256971153846152,3.379053831730772,3.832884615384618,90.73711538461541,75.58653846153847,6.546153846153848,24.538461538461537,6.9077264865688965,0.7580230769230774,759,24,171,7,16,253,120,208,0.229,0.7040000000000001,0.066,-0.9922,4,0,1,1,0,1,25.0,1,0,1,3,4,9,6,0,8,0,16,6,2,9,3,30,37,14,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,1,8,8,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,7,0,4,4,0,21,2,25,32,4,22,2,0,0,2,7,10,4,5,8,103,29,8,0.0,0.0,0.1268535536487818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924198738348763,0.0,0.11061371636252262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325356258042709,0.40061313339120025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330270669886574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095239642620784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017561659679606,0.13583103078897274,0.0,0.14775503040897922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283403022202953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713097525298563,0.0,0.2607853825576445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899711703875494,0.0,0.14381701644344913,0.0,0.07144026737787187,0.2119218487482071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918172758695529,0.0,0.0,0.2295708400258475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198879497870906,0.0,0.24946188245871045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761720440771037,0.09886486190341652,0.0,0.0,0.14434086131207685,0.0,0.12409218365701205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26311792272316564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343503905913498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200908878574446,0.13855429967749322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329369909496433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825611387197797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636451006673455,0.2245429025730047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409709047328637,0.1892716173245169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421259723652305,0.0,0.1674213215177779
suicidewatch,mitochondriawesome,2018/03/09,"I'm just... Tired of trying... I don't know if I can hold on anymore. I feel like my entire world is slowly crumbling beneath my feet and I can't make it stop. It's starting to feel like there isn't any hope anymore and like nothing is ever going to change. What's the point in working myself to pieces if I'm never going to get anywhere? Life would be so much easier if I could just disappear and start over... 
I'm tired of failing, tired of never being good enough, tired of clinging to hopes that always fall through. 
I lay here in bed with piles of unfinished homework, a car that's falling apart, no money, a job I can barely handle, sick for the third time this year already... I just don't see a reason to keep going anymore... ",2.796454138702458,4.3097175436241635,3.9035067114093964,89.19181487695751,74.90604026845638,5.772035794183445,23.826062639821032,5.985473137389443,0.5246908277404922,570,17,116,3,12,185,95,149,0.184,0.718,0.099,-0.9036,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,12,7,1,2,3,25,29,7,0,7,6,0,2,3,0,1,6,0,2,0,6,4,0,3,4,0,1,7,7,1,0,1,0,3,11,6,19,25,3,23,0,1,1,0,0,8,0,5,11,73,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854227598408228,0.0,0.10446368314911564,0.0,0.0,0.08537505709195246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735213800370532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281019973366828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023764523673988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972177620301495,0.0,0.0,0.11356284223255812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269588744014054,0.17937906547089896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655921975775229,0.0,0.21405073107445188,0.10530137699779744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493894689630255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458426235286685,0.11159036307889143,0.0,0.0,0.06899637153045671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867630415353611,0.18400516396666175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380241154400124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229018467246153,0.0,0.19365643192243245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046402789737876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186808159859959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908139925943746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004328871446022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772311070622734,0.0,0.0,0.10496142836783147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320642941604227,0.5771830637428911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523696573441747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913984179259787,0.0,0.0,0.08918372468799624,0.0,0.0,0.08084700775587128
suicidewatch,PorFavorBobby,2018/03/09,"Got drunk, now I want to live just to make life miserable for everyone I hate society and want to die. But when I get fucked up, a part of me wants to live just to fuck with people because they are stupid, predictable animals.

Anyone else have similar feelings?",6.3085333333333375,6.648945320000003,6.25,79.93833333333335,65.8,10.666666666666668,32.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,3.3058666666666667,206,8,40,5,3,65,41,50,0.382,0.5770000000000001,0.041,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,4,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,10,12,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,9,11,1,3,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037984463166466,0.2350152163363467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139820957803727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380483740207629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916080171471396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191715081255944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597564609958845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240951135134932,0.11983561651773543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344700711413728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645398700589345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200981170349954,0.0,0.0,0.4050733177712919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310530861813573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483838209708687,0.0,0.1590152935814871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058625946959099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hypertown,2018/03/09,"I don’t see the point in living anymore I just don’t. 
Details: 25(almost 26)
Male 
Severe alcoholic 

Recently got fired for a job working as a cook/dishwasher at an upscale grocery store. Was living in a sober home until Monday got kicked out for relapsing. Have been living out of my car ever since but managed to get a job at a call center. Haven’t been able to shower since Monday. Haven’t been able to stay sober. Have been showing up to work stinking like shit with very bloodshot eyes. If I get fired from the call center my last option is just to end it but I have no plan and really just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Every two or three hours I drink more to help with the withdrawal symptoms which include shaking, extreme nausea, confusion, no appetite whatsoever (I haven’t ate or showered in more than a week) and my legs and feet are numb making it very difficult for me to walk and drive. I also have headaches and slurred speech. 

This has been going on since I was 19. My family helped me out through most of it, including putting me through an expensive rehab, but they no longer want any relationship with me. I haven’t even told them I got kicked out of my sober house and fired. I think that life chose the wrong person to give life to. I don’t deserve to live. People say I’m smart and articulate but I’m the dumbest person I know. 

I have this weekend off and I plan on trying to sober up but that is extremely difficult since I don’t have a place to stay besides my car. 

That’s all for now. ",3.2266118421052634,4.956628069078949,3.980031578947372,88.18602105263159,74.23026315789474,6.969263157894738,24.988947368421048,7.699297019823105,1.2051256842105271,1199,39,245,16,25,382,162,304,0.174,0.777,0.049,-0.9918,4,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,4,7,10,1,2,14,0,25,14,6,1,3,38,43,20,0,3,11,0,3,1,0,0,6,2,3,3,9,16,3,0,2,3,2,8,12,8,0,2,12,8,28,2,45,31,4,41,0,0,2,0,13,19,1,6,13,155,37,5,0.20753794419982752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089747301523202,0.10390963616109963,0.0,0.0,0.08298400949760402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056645941761765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291093676852443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119194451612471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165408739764127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919085090178176,0.0,0.0,0.06853842740350886,0.09386497615014197,0.08742983451324549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978241516937839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843001003165187,0.09954465356942868,0.11794859640256287,0.0,0.24898057939292076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391083092850361,0.0,0.10408873982103796,0.0,0.10219153485076772,0.11973546151441435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594938598819634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702871327304546,0.08458556212164074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465901876145198,0.05069627819477601,0.0,0.3665196139996935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926659465596635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003302843766474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194033952199398,0.18121412776360732,0.10841648974454404,0.0,0.09809521973034152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043164781428253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647706068359523,0.0,0.10245934116659264,0.11140904158159776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825212515954186,0.0,0.0,0.08269043574952313,0.0,0.0,0.11722940180930586,0.10651735866036333,0.3433550641600733,0.0,0.10384391281054743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120783471487493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785569444159612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649096731417564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915569976307223,0.0,0.07045232048161762,0.0,0.1013672075202417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124053909667775,0.12241125661177905,0.0,0.0832372101706437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510900951424602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345508106510895,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedBalloon12,2018/03/09,"I almost shot myself I almost shot myself. I can't help but feel like it is a very minor issue and I shouldn't seek help or talk about it. When I think about other people committing suicide, I feel like it's a major issue and should be immediately addressed. I have been thinking about it a lot and the urge to kill myself is still there. Additionally, I have a very big self-harming problem. I have a therapy appointment soon and I feel like I shouldn't bring it up.  ",2.9843617021276607,4.825223978723408,4.558457446808512,83.30875,75.17021276595744,6.827659574468084,22.388297872340427,7.6454224807358475,0.9591744680851062,370,10,73,5,8,124,53,94,0.22,0.6629999999999999,0.116,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,6,0,11,0,0,0,1,20,17,7,2,4,2,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,14,3,5,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,6,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551845313841096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690232821626615,0.3801006047964616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377504217628013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702185210996241,0.0,0.0,0.19621355216568695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599354758438327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507782060894758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295344649805945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970177461655672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850166651549713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163342155997313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399414545407928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254870414924006,0.0,0.0,0.20281730408104348,0.0,0.0,0.22727981676451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29266771052262397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leviathan0508,2018/03/09,"Feeling absolutely broken. 17 y/o male here. I have always had an adamant fear of abandonment and struggled with separation anxiety. This was partly caused by an incredibly emotionally and physically abusive relationship I was in not too long ago. Since then, I’ve been paranoid and find myself breaking down and hyperventilating whenever I’m away from my boyfriend or when I see something that reminds me of my ex. I’ve lost so many significant others because of my poor mental health, and today was more or less a repeat of everything that happened in the past. I lost someone who was not only my best friend, but my lover as well. Today was the day I relapsed and attempted to slit my wrists. However, the knives I used were too dull to even make a difference. Knowing that I failed to do the one thing that I was good at was enough to send me over the edge. I received a call from my boyfriend, who had heard about what happened from my close friend. (I initially didn’t want to tell him, because he was out with his friends at the time and I didn’t want to make him feel as though this was his fault.) I decided to come clean and tell him about my abandonment issues and separation anxiety, and that I didn’t feel okay when he wasn’t around. This led to him telling me that even though he still had feelings for me, he felt as though a romantic relationship wasn’t the best thing for me right now. He wanted me to learn how to love myself and to be able to be okay even when he’s not around. From a logical standpoint, I agree with his decision, because my co-dependency has admittedly gotten to a point where I was having delusions and having panic attacks when he couldn’t talk. That didn’t stop it from hurting, though. The emotional pain is physically taking a toll on my body, and I just want to stop breathing. The only thing that’s keeping me from downing all the antidepressants I have stored right now is the hope that I’ll have him back when I get better. ",6.63775232641374,6.7200514068241475,6.6186840849439275,78.45547065139586,65.11548556430445,9.971892149844903,32.54127893104271,9.688023934748609,2.8244057742782163,1570,58,308,29,22,499,194,381,0.14800000000000002,0.711,0.142,-0.1137,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,7,28,26,1,3,20,2,33,7,3,6,1,58,61,31,0,6,7,1,5,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,20,21,0,5,12,0,2,4,10,13,1,1,26,7,46,13,47,32,7,42,0,7,1,2,35,17,0,3,20,218,66,2,0.08741584881335747,0.1035734864984486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748887560253738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273698895035709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374577014903696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563727736015276,0.0,0.09944814778687226,0.08213006751392776,0.06721739187914598,0.0,0.15986367021614475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347508040065888,0.07731221450181078,0.0,0.09709930153917416,0.0,0.0,0.08926135531625631,0.0,0.0,0.08980015653510108,0.0,0.07530101342447393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056375990751877235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913309564949604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666212812688535,0.0,0.0903239395535258,0.0,0.17321203110815206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856372830697547,0.0,0.0,0.0983671329676384,0.1768003188496226,0.0,0.08393292349651964,0.0,0.07989650214377991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261180384643399,0.0,0.04567117304887321,0.0,0.0,0.07332026656778871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460309282075585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291895953922122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682366206830691,0.0,0.0,0.0935804741322878,0.0,0.0,0.09123943481061736,0.0,0.07769922294094772,0.0,0.0,0.04804146438587493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736027538348157,0.0,0.0,0.19084945056551145,0.0,0.07889621649665862,0.0,0.11670151575621325,0.08862595023673951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809461517679755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923524149588006,0.1329673842631386,0.09301662641301428,0.1025636637856682,0.0,0.09466284565258612,0.0834483190018176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263623242797588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877038143147628,0.0,0.14930531450904813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965911373614705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231129346886575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740671650244063,0.06729699116849096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981040978200254,0.14616712766113654,0.0,0.09138602519535403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572583927102983,0.0702615480226755,0.2292159146171297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422561701004574,0.0,0.3435425104984682,0.0,0.050972884422703216,0.0,0.1657200068162942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549922650767753,0.0,0.0,0.2062405299866563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859734630461078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oneknotforalot,2018/03/09,"I just want to not exist My anti depressants numb the pain enough so I don't want to actively die, I just want to not exist. Just... Poof. Like I'm asleep or knocked out or something. Maybe a coma and I can wake up in a decade and restart my life. Maybe I just need a break, but I've spent the last month off work not being able to accomplish anything. I don't want to kill myself, although an opiate overdose is tempting, I just want to not be. ",-0.13306451612903206,2.1306087311827966,1.5163709677419384,97.99455645161294,90.72043010752688,4.390322580645162,18.50268817204301,5.985473137389443,-0.30296344086021554,344,10,78,3,12,111,59,93,0.103,0.6990000000000001,0.198,0.7787,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,6,0,6,6,2,0,0,21,14,7,2,6,12,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,10,1,10,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,49,10,2,0.2068741404499352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170239790771168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818039403388167,0.0,0.2147026965724283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137562880283135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288755854539609,0.0,0.0,0.16863003559041295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612132339496173,0.10106825540737717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156657597126595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512496521271258,0.0,0.0,0.15339455385091136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201286711501302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926182027441585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.610098639807652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060683810667408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fat_parrot,2018/03/09,"Getting Triggered AF today Really disappointing to see 2 fat hating posts on the front page of reddit. Ugh. 

I fucking just want a body that isn’t this. That I can lose this weight and get out of my depression and finally be happy and live. I think people think I want to be fat. I don’t. I want help. So I was  proactive and got it. I got a therapist and a yoga instructor and started to eat better. I was doing well. But others only see a fat girl eating a salad or a fat girl going to a yoga class. I just want to be accepted for who I am and that I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. I’m trying with tears in my eyes. I have been trying for over 10 years. My father passed away then and things have never been the same. I’m trying to be strong and do all the right things. But I’ll always just be a fat person someone hates. That’s the only thing I’ll ever be. 
I don’t want to be anymore. ",0.14937499999999915,2.0641568541666686,2.8425416666666656,91.78162500000002,84.625,5.298333333333334,16.370833333333334,6.508806274219699,-0.2920154166666671,684,13,153,7,20,239,102,192,0.119,0.735,0.146,0.2757,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,3,0,12,0,20,12,7,1,3,30,42,15,0,5,6,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,12,11,9,0,3,2,0,3,4,7,1,0,6,5,16,5,17,29,3,17,0,3,3,1,6,6,1,1,7,100,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287338872349966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261170251304733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161582089549238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109344222386598,0.0,0.137329498184716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648577952855176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25301688618680784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183402749507894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354349993551543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429763702208635,0.12918732013285766,0.0,0.07026404903140347,0.0,0.197762801445272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161068762823355,0.11075177615821896,0.2441259499037389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286926137653496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917108348262612,0.0,0.0,0.13831481709000282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535415945235602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805845012617411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571224580336527,0.10795243645721288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184071925042398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920310361970911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558275699628256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704057561150806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475468354077284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750877865723647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354859835970096,0.2464107998270118,0.15843934493508452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171905719943192,0.0,0.0,0.4196968384262153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364612670218213,0.0,0.0,0.15055289984566542,0.11116181018364864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796162398766805
suicidewatch,i-hate-mylife,2018/03/09,"theres no point anymore Literally I don't see a point in going on living, everything seems to be going wrong and no matter how hard I try to fix it, I make things ten times worse, my best and only friend who said she understands me and will always be there for me has left me because I pushed her away

I bought a lot of paracetamol from the pharmacist and I want to take it but cant do it because i dont want to upset my parents, but I don't see any other choice there's nothing else left, is it so bad that I want to die so bad and it seems like nobody even gives a shit",5.867306666666664,3.8523925440000006,6.695,84.16916666666667,67.56,9.933333333333334,28.83333333333333,8.344100000000001,1.6469733333333338,448,10,106,5,6,150,80,125,0.228,0.657,0.115,-0.9657,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,1,4,0,10,1,1,2,0,17,25,10,1,3,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,1,3,6,5,0,1,2,4,16,3,11,20,2,11,0,0,2,0,7,7,1,3,2,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231033961822062,0.0,0.0,0.1006087394244635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672324085296246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390006705740705,0.0,0.2470584088019384,0.18037370911051448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526079535365178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354517965084172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733922756414605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359037332820852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771731273059424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296483551065846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430315130367412,0.0,0.0,0.14192382889433694,0.16816288784901154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253106510307666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214887576536914,0.0,0.0,0.07227921996912517,0.0,0.13063952989557198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257788813448322,0.0,0.0,0.09875548284660313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195872196835227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252003155800444,0.0,0.0,0.16427715527293096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27971465430137377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073106542398056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357885196984133,0.2693699977253857,0.0,0.0,0.15186502582226916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112374068262812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982891257271916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626883345309327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044600808488684,0.0,0.0,0.15401759472097604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617881565983927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507701920417888,0.0,0.1617563468744921,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deadbynightlight,2018/03/09,"Too stupid I've not had a hard life and I'm in one of the best positions I've ever been in. Good job with good pay and colleagues that are intelligent and kind. Parents and friends that love me. 

My father offered me a gun for protection and I'm thinking about taking it but for a different reason. I realized over the course of the past few months that I'm not on the same level as my colleagues. I stumble and am stagnant while they kick out fast fixes for issues. My senior dev rewrote a flow with 25 files modified and created  in 2 days, my sophomore colleague has had his nose to the grindstone with data management, my direct colleague kicks out fixes and closes bugs daily. All while I sit staring, failing to get environments running, testing and retesting only to find results change likely due to my negligence the first time around, wondering how I could be this pathetic. I've got the looks of a homunculus, the personality of a ramp moldy towel, the dexterity and strength of a jellyfish. I grew up being told I was smart and I breezed through school, and I always believed it up to about 6 months ago. If I don't have my intelligence I have effectively nothing, so maybe with nothing left I'll be finished soon enough. The only thing keeping me here now is how much I desperately don't want to let all those people down further

I'm even making this post just for the sake of getting it off my chest and maybe gaining some validation in the process, and I find that so vain and shitty.

Regardless of your response,thank you for your time.

",5.263895813358901,6.580680429530204,5.664419942473633,79.72629753914991,68.53020134228188,8.4949824224992,31.97571108980505,8.841846274778883,2.6551308405241296,1240,53,229,21,21,397,183,298,0.109,0.7809999999999999,0.11,-0.5421,4,0,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,6,14,12,1,0,19,0,17,4,2,6,3,48,33,24,0,4,5,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,11,23,0,2,7,0,1,3,4,3,0,2,6,4,28,9,39,22,8,39,0,1,2,1,12,17,0,3,18,156,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937084794686492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205061346665814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987884471261115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171937099108684,0.14132077510638638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245586510236793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751764922166666,0.0,0.0,0.08684665724683502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069443692179034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914313726411445,0.0,0.0889438080292298,0.1218106212185873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461595457343098,0.11454449351634292,0.0,0.0,0.10404049459197784,0.0,0.14071198249245162,0.0,0.0,0.2258982937571627,0.10770250449505066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063182339997737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055344867050135,0.13363249891355172,0.11969488594527652,0.0,0.14023105461177598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463120175190455,0.13770229907428175,0.0951166374842088,0.06578966291429295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308321602921458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153884270192178,0.0,0.08988876651119862,0.0,0.2705746735835442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214973846264408,0.0,0.09899298490882308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584260447202158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125130479334227,0.20483494289143792,0.0,0.0,0.14952760523068356,0.0,0.128551311675779,0.09335854338079347,0.11758275760471745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897017123276702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845625137980822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628640053977284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125000659507928,0.0,0.0,0.12397983003400778,0.0,0.0,0.0894642810547027,0.08628677453674788,0.0,0.0,0.15704645056525726,0.0,0.0,0.12867650833026165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942787514364137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603655264556942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRobotViking,2018/03/09,"Once upon a time; there was once a man named Andrew... He has been in therapy 2 a week every week for the past 4 years. Also he has been taking the highest legal dosage of 4 different medications to help with depression.
He steals from those he loves.
He lies about anything, just for the fun of it.
He's a disappointment to his parents.

He's running out of options ",2.4220238095238082,4.678729694444449,3.9908730158730172,84.77000000000002,78.44444444444444,6.8920634920634924,24.174603174603178,7.957251820313856,1.4465769841269849,286,10,56,5,7,95,51,72,0.165,0.6940000000000001,0.141,-0.4404,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,13,4,0,9,0,2,0,1,13,3,0,1,5,31,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838072439020787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938493874340832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289122818918132,0.0,0.0,0.2461146068690551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847312342020207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578938173177135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260602156950414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373062984896541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017366863325248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615663318506186,0.0,0.22487282530703714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711507372881613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693883621488816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735946596998164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779110226921145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169571715491836
suicidewatch,ChiefYVenuz,2018/03/09,"Why do I still exist? I just want to die. I hate literally everything about my life. I’m 12. This isn’t a trend, or a moody decision. This is how I think. Constantly, atleast 50 times a day, I think of suicide and how ugly I am, or how I’m a fatass and how no one likes me. I’ve tried talking to suicide hotlines, but 1. They usually never connect, 2. They never help. I just want to end it all, but I don’t want to feel the pain. Pain is also another thing I hate about myself. Usually, kids can fall on the grass and catch themselves on their palms and they’re alright. I do that, and my palms burn. They burn. I scrape my knee on concrete, it feels like I broke my leg. If there aren’t any painless ways to die, then suffering life is just as painful. If this gets seen, don’t hit me with the “other people are suffering worse” or “it’ll get better soon” or “people love you and will miss you greatly” because they won’t. My mom? She’ll forget me in 2 weeks. She favors my brother. I know she does. I ask for something small, she screams at me being a “fucking brat”. My brother asks for some expensive ass thing, she buys it immediately. I get kind of upset, she laughs or gets pissed. My brother gets sad, she consults and copes with him. She always talks with him, not me in carrides. Why? Because I’m useless. I’m 140 pounds and see no chance of loosing it. I wake up every morning and break into tears when I see myself in the mirror. I can’t do anything right, I feel like a waste of air. Why? Because I am. Nothing helps. I just want someone to love me. Someone to fix me. If not, then I want to die and start over. No one loves me. If I died right now, atleast ATLEAST 20 people would be happy about that. This would be the best day ever for them. The people I call my friends don’t actually care about me. They fat shame me constantly. My dad mentally / emotionally abuses me, and almost physically abused my brother. I can’t call for help. If this is my last statement to the world, then I’d like to say fuck everyone who knew me. No one ever loved me, nor ever will. I constantly sit in bed every night, wishing for someone to just truly love me. Truly understand me. I wish I wake up and I’m skinny. I hate my body. Most people can clamp their hands around their stomach, mine bulges. I hate it. I just want to fucking die so I don’t have to look at the ugly shit I am every day. I try wearing trendy clothes but I don’t care anymore. I just want to start over. I used to be skinny. I fell into a foggy depression when my parents divorced and ate food to drown it out. I wish I could go back and never have that happen, to just be pretty. ",0.4736353575069181,2.723266264220186,2.2685801660113607,94.20600407747196,86.35779816513761,4.928207368574341,20.3939129168487,6.347867880209237,0.1225870103393043,2034,64,447,20,63,669,248,545,0.251,0.584,0.165,-0.9966,2,0,1,0,4,4,86.0,0,2,9,2,29,43,9,2,15,1,37,32,16,5,7,83,93,40,8,18,23,7,4,4,1,7,7,2,1,1,19,21,5,0,10,0,2,4,20,23,0,3,3,10,93,20,51,76,4,59,0,7,4,9,48,22,6,13,34,284,112,1,0.0,0.14140600194079653,0.058232449077759076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059754104226122526,0.0,0.0,0.047720647822629185,0.049652894521591454,0.0,0.0,0.04057983192599552,0.06257256807403558,0.0,0.0,0.05917979379833906,0.0,0.0,0.049105970785061584,0.05312181207875941,0.11157279993821187,0.0,0.0,0.045885018298868235,0.0,0.10912871249721627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262335674007649,0.05277610865235325,0.0,0.0662834885938889,0.0,0.0,0.12186604709186585,0.0,0.1216816377411789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345663570159624,0.0,0.047644205871317534,0.0,0.0,0.11545285951815992,0.0,0.0513964519356095,0.0,0.30965687568106465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222043186204325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712433416057709,0.05285275581759938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193351575292628,0.15083176990084346,0.05702031339105814,0.05363043715641835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051771021084744,0.08526111227089732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215708745600766,0.0,0.04610337725180643,0.1655007748518465,0.15588395744706718,0.0,0.033913662789833286,0.0,0.0,0.06578992930146507,0.0,0.0,0.05276882622801447,0.06352324611647625,0.0,0.2356597792872104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999309282803912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062140469809760776,0.03279483792548343,0.048641634036765684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429791184779539,0.11661327295692035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050110470830502934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26928702798894194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060136564606476525,0.0,0.0,0.06988854723801849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380709845441683,0.0,0.0,0.05599926913614756,0.0,0.057258058403861986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213083428555159,0.0,0.19048952149470308,0.0,0.06626004250119104,0.0,0.0,0.206849465779824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607091117316309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192119772637924,0.0,0.047454535025585234,0.0,0.0,0.09510365157317864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125369683149187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168276219050578,0.045939355647373815,0.0,0.0,0.08447401626983637,0.0,0.04765510592939978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054562192275956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592613835787636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928846390441187,0.07647237229908342,0.0,0.0,0.03479593106925455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102839075490446,0.0,0.0,0.06212192045320054,0.0,0.051538497597226285,0.1314432297082631,0.0,0.24637765463269165,0.04736581985879943,0.047866252984632464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153738267570333,0.0,0.20586375404182228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081210327756259,0.08478027849457875,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IffyCircumstances,2018/03/10,"Is there actually any hope? Everything seems pretty pointless to me, absolutely pointless. There are things in the future that I should be looking forward to, and I should be excited about them, but I'm not really. The only thing I think that actually makes me happy anymore is attention sometimes, but even then it doesn't always. I'm also, spectacularly useless, and worthless. This is not something I'm going to argue about, they are facts. I don't even know if I really want to be useful to anyone anymore, I'm pretty selfish, on top of everything. Anyway, back to the main question, is there hope? What's the lowest you've been at that you manged to get back from? Can you change who you are as person, when narcissism seems to be all that makes up your identity at this point? And if you can't, do you deserve to even live then? If you know, that you're a horrible person, and you don't or can't change, do you have the right to live? I don't know if I do. I feel like maybe I don't. ",4.100822510822511,5.151430626262627,5.241875901875904,82.67090909090913,71.02020202020202,8.283405483405483,26.26406926406927,8.634040054169528,1.7393826839826838,776,24,157,13,14,257,103,198,0.108,0.745,0.147,0.731,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,9,2,1,13,9,1,0,6,0,26,0,0,3,2,32,46,16,0,9,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,1,2,22,5,20,39,2,16,0,2,1,0,16,9,0,10,8,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.2509584605133112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028284101212473,0.1069920136153746,0.0,0.0,0.08744138628308444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550411356612292,0.08990877544022073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977459944631994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720491996798899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547851410692621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311256380005333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501582755395502,0.09186028501302212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717972298812326,0.0,0.07307713086855844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687983508053864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554254325949348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119988640931017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281954460134623,0.0,0.2270836840375248,0.0,0.10797799864494503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716613561120243,0.0,0.12917969953212388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779376623076882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245488108161168,0.0,0.0,0.12155324316616285,0.0,0.0,0.2616318815469436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404327218255433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647481364424827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980985378500084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341157056426824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989900833025558,0.12717265583564738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085071255844025,0.08239130041719556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105510947081937,0.0,0.0,0.07584205062239545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,p0ti0n,2018/03/10,"28.f, I could not find my place in this life. Hello everyone.

I decided this will be my last night alive. I could never find my place in this life. I am a chronic underachiever, have never had a boyfriend, am physically gross, etc. I hate so much about myself, but the biggest is how I look. I started to lose weight a few months ago and have been doing very well on that front but have come to realize that I could lose a million pounds and will still be socially anxious around men, and lightyears behind my peers. I had the realization tonight no matter what I achieve I will never be a typical, normal person, which is something I value and want to become greatly. Hoping dying doesn't hurt too much and that maybe there is some comfort in it.

thank you for listening.",4.6464619164619165,6.1552049729729745,4.885651105651106,83.99890663390666,70.21621621621622,7.8142506142506125,27.64373464373465,8.296473431620573,1.80655945945946,608,21,117,9,11,191,97,148,0.107,0.7340000000000001,0.159,0.7959999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,8,10,1,0,7,0,22,4,0,1,3,26,30,9,1,6,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,9,7,1,0,4,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,3,3,18,5,11,18,5,20,0,3,1,0,6,8,0,2,10,91,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218856106127244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533606212557333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240430924850712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185814264149908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844422737627675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293481084978352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270347523384688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533490438704261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138731155138092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25134534148012805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159443054605254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357529580247533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656870079144495,0.0,0.0,0.1471967833105152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208099614827788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424088273801055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154655183643054,0.3076550537298372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813740906300992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975132944253944,0.0,0.2021569021166529,0.0,0.3181458393274169,0.0,0.0,0.12903460158453736,0.13472097939507047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005985091568035,0.2873168390603903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016411463229886,0.0,0.10585435389518093,0.0,0.0,0.09732333298068048,0.0,0.109807818957761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659168923792252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134520461974526,0.08110116689347201,0.0,0.0,0.16743817280639275,0.12362917221841258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avocadont_wanna_live,2018/03/10,"I tried so hard I've been doing my best to fit in, I tried so hard, I'm just so damn tired.
My life is falling apart before my eyes. I just want to fuck myself up, I just want to stop trying, I'm not a fighter, I can't go on.

Unfortunately, even if I probably won't die from it, I'm just going to sit here and continue drinking vodka until I pass out. Hopefully I won't wake up tomorrow.

Please ignore this post, I don't even know why I'm writing this. I wish I had the strength to end it for sure.",1.7166891891891891,2.3019423243243264,4.17260135135135,89.85998310810812,76.2072072072072,7.351801801801803,22.884009009009013,7.6454224807358475,0.7158009009009008,382,10,94,5,8,135,71,111,0.17800000000000002,0.586,0.235,0.7787,0,0,2,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,2,0,2,0,8,6,2,0,1,17,20,6,1,5,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,1,2,0,4,5,3,0,0,2,3,15,4,13,16,1,18,0,0,1,1,1,7,2,2,5,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625456965932031,0.0,0.20046585817877466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825073121523293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712888785216095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918883949425514,0.0,0.0,0.2523365272069185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765968087467884,0.0,0.0,0.2171244682193382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422364756114903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972799890578013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498072397895916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492452433831606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968484996674916,0.0,0.0,0.18294632219627407,0.0,0.20595408017304945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597029886572598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003602311334746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955174799799126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890743023472867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533951065581265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723676901173111,0.0,0.21966593227713802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oohshesabrick,2018/03/10,"What's the point of music if no one wants to hear it? I'm 22 years old. My passion has always been music, but I can't do anything with that in a backwater town like where I'm from.  Dime-a-dozen ""talent"" and looks. No job, no S/O, no money to move. Yeah, I have relatives I could move in with out of state, but I'd just push my burden onto them. I'm just so fucking envious of people who play mediocre music at best and get so fucking lucky to have success just drop into their lap, meanwhile you can play and try for years and years and get absolutely *nowhere* because you're from a hick-town.

Things have gotten morbid, too. My lyrics have become blatantly about suicide and self harm, my aspiring major at my community college is mortuary science so I could potentially get some sick, deplorable catharsis out of staring at the dead, I'm saving up for a 12-gauge, and I've got a noose tied in my dresser. I'm just too pussy to use it.

I live in the Great Lakes Region currently, one of the lakes is notorious for bodies never being found if you don't know where/don't know they fell in. I figure in wintertime I can get out far enough nobody would ever find my body if I decided to shoot myself into an ice-fishing hole. I've written my suicide note vague enough that it sounds like I just packed up and moved across the country, so at least anyone I cared about would be spared having to hear I killed myself, they'd just think I went No Contact. (Please tell me this didn't violate the ""explicit methods"" rule)

I'm going nowhere fast and I can't take it anymore. I've decided that if things haven't improved by the time I'm 27, I'm fucking going through with it. My mother says ""what could be so bad that you would"" and I say ""what would be so great that I shouldn't?"" I've been this way since I was 12 years old and it's getting fucking tiring to have to wake up every day and face the fact you're a miserable failure.",3.2409160305343505,4.562341832061068,4.261493638676843,87.84231679389313,73.42748091603053,6.9702798982188305,25.31374045801527,7.42949916751922,1.107152061068703,1512,48,316,17,30,491,204,393,0.189,0.6920000000000001,0.119,-0.986,2,0,1,1,0,3,51.0,0,3,4,3,19,24,7,1,14,1,33,11,4,1,5,58,67,24,4,13,12,1,0,2,0,5,2,5,1,1,19,20,0,0,8,2,1,8,12,11,0,2,9,7,35,13,45,45,6,47,0,1,2,5,16,24,4,6,14,192,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725143077194037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920736603124334,0.06491682235908564,0.0,0.07640051076864236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751863943680293,0.056595218062891715,0.1025359639015958,0.0,0.0,0.09743125661705104,0.0,0.0,0.20625159438416515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465793187637234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223787620247396,0.0,0.0,0.05987498258610297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185984089141675,0.0,0.0,0.08398030569600415,0.07822283167290085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485530117960842,0.0,0.0,0.10179573533635172,0.0,0.3433212846731505,0.24252883670138625,0.0,0.10552774409123272,0.0,0.07425369940022471,0.20471580631469227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927787137640305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213070253982544,0.0,0.10271518516290463,0.0,0.1020463429609657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907151765241357,0.0,0.08198060258930014,0.0,0.07796334142470975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29602694913088834,0.0,0.0,0.07160496352996636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484273375668176,0.0,0.1258233870748009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436449411405135,0.0,0.0,0.10191190964597532,0.08776507359990755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766231707799013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685376371744496,0.0,0.0,0.07679931437981423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031067105294454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980513210189346,0.0,0.08114742176069167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335931951885827,0.059488980768883336,0.0,0.0,0.0541365309322066,0.1067074607828622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303317439270614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018510738564552,0.0,0.0,0.05476022672421284,0.07369313287842869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606485067682168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638072917220076,0.0,0.0,0.2391471115892428
suicidewatch,nibblemyearlips,2018/03/10,"What should I do about my unhappiness and depression? I just feel like nobody will ever like or want to go out with me. I just feel sad all the time. I went on a date last Saturday and the guy texts me two days later and says ""want to have sex? Haha"" I sent him a couple messages on the dating website I met him on and he read them but didn't reply. There's another person I talk to on the dating website and he was online tonight but never messaged me (and he always messaged me every day). I just feel extremely sad and unwanted by everyone. I work and live alone and have nobody to talk to. I always feel like a burden to everyone. It's like I live with a big hole in my heart 24/7. I can't find a date in person. I can't find one online and I just don't know what to do. I hate the way I look and feel about myself. A lot of people say I'm pretty on the dating website but then tell me that they just want to fuck me.



When I was younger, I was always the one that was left out by everyone. My mom never seemed to care about me. To her it was always about my younger brother and sister. She kicked me out the minute I turned 18. I didn't feel wanted or loved at all. I just feel like everyone hates me or just want something from me.


What should I do?",0.9598134328358192,2.6987990559701522,2.856471641791046,93.67658805970152,80.82835820895522,5.780537313432838,18.555820895522388,6.742157984588678,-0.0652279402985072,969,21,223,10,25,324,121,268,0.136,0.7559999999999999,0.109,-0.9077,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,1,14,15,3,0,14,1,18,4,1,0,5,55,44,20,0,8,13,3,7,5,0,3,0,2,0,3,7,17,0,0,11,1,0,3,7,7,0,3,10,10,43,8,31,31,3,34,0,3,1,3,26,13,1,5,22,150,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000770066043542,0.0,0.0,0.3216074688460261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132241751150806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985182331665539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691655275854654,0.0,0.12463355956192082,0.0,0.08322517233859347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740515637678528,0.0814128833890416,0.3693270823220803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420045693038242,0.20709223580497674,0.0,0.0,0.17663167114086328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933061842784927,0.0,0.0,0.0549156668217656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567647214010352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079941324572686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450411902861253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053103977713947884,0.0787643547965586,0.0,0.0,0.10498612225371123,0.0,0.0,0.2360367149216339,0.0,0.1706478043821126,0.0,0.08114281071505662,0.0,0.0,0.08214929262334017,0.08721014182459468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316902566864012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490502560766103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095466528711425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698938074262109,0.16874290949081425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830496262111273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665370472570152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368422165405712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879660978476351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438861335538381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533113855041727,0.08445674292066409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634430492495021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510303355802167,0.094391081617202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28496718012576705,0.07669845626009375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957471242344144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034601155060392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bojack102,2018/03/10,"What if some people are built to be alone I sometimes feel alone at that thought... It is too common for me to not think about, and sometime I just feel so lonely because of it

Edit: thank you, I don't realy know how to respond but yea...",0.9642857142857152,3.0195323673469434,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,82.46938775510203,3.92,20.004081632653055,3.1291,-0.5823583673469388,182,5,40,0,5,58,42,49,0.107,0.856,0.037000000000000005,-0.3336,0,4,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,12,10,5,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,7,8,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5913755911859516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403573566627994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887107513116463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690115682149694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792700633256516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5647257659242648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628463953658876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293433414541735,0.0,0.22665196497078294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nolifetolive,2018/03/10,"Convince me to live. 16M I'm scheduled to attempt suicide about 36 hours from the time of this posting. I bought a helium tank in secret yesterday, and when the time comes I plan to let it all out in a trash bag with my head in it. This displaces air in the bag and in my lungs, and I will die painlessly from oxygen deprivation. (Turns out the pain you feel when you suffocate is from carbon dioxide.)

Why? Because I feel like my life is pointless and has no future. Up to about six months ago, I couldn't have been happier- I was seeing an amazing girl who I loved and cherished, and she made all the troubles of my life disappear. Two months after we started dating, she flippantly dumped me over iMessages. I wound up seeing her around Valentine's Day, and I talked and sobbed to her and was finally able to move on. (I also learned she wasn't so amazing after all.) However this did not put a stop to the depression, and I remain lovelorn. The suicide attempt is not a stupid revenge plot.

Also, I'm completely alone and useless. I haven't had any in-person friends for about a year, besides my ex and her best friend. (I have managed to find some text buddies off of Reddit, and they have provided lots of support, but it's just not the same.) I have no motivation to do anything that's not directly entertaining, so the old get-good-grades-and-you-can-go-on-the-computer thing didn't work. It just made me bored, and hence more miserable. So if I make it to 18 I won't be able to hold a job because I'll wind up staying in bed in my misery, instead of going to work. That's already the case with school, even though a few weeks ago I was transferred to a charter school which we thought I would enjoy more, and therefore stop failing. I have not stopped hating school, and I have not stopped failing.

I do enjoy some things, just not enough to live for them- like cuddling with my cat, producing computer music, listening to computer music, flying RC planes, building things, and most of all, making the girl I love happy. (I do not currently have a girl I love.) Upon hearing this, my text friends immediately suggested I fall in love with a girl- and there is a girl at my school who is really goddamn beautiful! The only problems are, I'm too unmotivated to talk to her, I don't know anything about her personality, and I don't feel like taking any risks of rejection just before an attempted suicide. (She might also bear guilt.) You're probably thinking, ""don't you want to try something that might make you happy for weeks or years to come?"" The answer is no- I'm unmotivated to do anything that doesn't DIRECTLY get me something I want. I know full well that's really stupid, but depression apparently trumps rational thought.

So- convince me to live! Suggest something I have to live for, or something that might make me happy. I'm open to anything, I suppose- these might be the last hours of my life, so I might as well try whatever. And PLEASE don't tell me, ""hey man, things get better from here, I promise"" because that's stupid. I've been told that the entire time since I was diagnosed, and it's a lot of crap. Seriously.

:/",4.549251336898396,5.821992326797385,5.124414735591209,83.09668449197865,70.17647058823529,8.178015448603684,30.085561497326204,8.575989854853784,2.2273156862745096,2472,99,484,40,44,793,281,612,0.151,0.674,0.17600000000000002,0.9641,4,1,4,0,0,3,104.0,2,4,2,12,27,49,6,3,29,0,48,14,3,9,4,96,89,38,4,6,17,1,3,3,3,8,6,2,1,7,26,33,0,5,13,1,1,7,21,22,2,2,16,7,68,27,70,61,16,62,0,9,2,5,44,22,2,13,34,318,94,16,0.12343521181255901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941786761732718,0.0,0.0,0.06392082666283634,0.06810691282307138,0.14806664143588458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394017680631168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031533239201568,0.054941754148891006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286743915508178,0.0,0.052517136909777724,0.0,0.06476881972494508,0.054584206996059016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632850527592208,0.06470973556614354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980275003940421,0.0,0.1063145670627694,0.06264207084947546,0.06405313097738015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377078505717489,0.0,0.040763896628493466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093618827858349,0.08818213998241366,0.0,0.06760862053758544,0.056408773689634935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304860767815195,0.0,0.09673470535735873,0.0,0.07015107543864976,0.051765799662208206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709861736435927,0.0,0.060933358397034385,0.0633400691895778,0.0,0.06956022735534721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155881950540692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612452006791648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783676430251459,0.050308086152747816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311043353490338,0.13077891077415849,0.09045631430735443,0.0,0.2179911069368063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049402029980917,0.22281019578652145,0.11679738195560592,0.16478792475002227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32736313357087515,0.0,0.0,0.09852480842817203,0.06559604781089848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476224537985414,0.0,0.0,0.04693902039356074,0.06567188409904033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077788658366579,0.0,0.06774739783587995,0.0,0.0,0.05910840613619658,0.0,0.0665420177357538,0.05905541370756795,0.0,0.0620432404529452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907575742636401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498460484915159,0.09836188260386236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105344137781608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005291310427175,0.0,0.0,0.04368403911923891,0.06578275610733071,0.0,0.2063947282764225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025271310660596,0.07003640779572659,0.0,0.0,0.04640395879069755,0.09921254761221293,0.05394390787568397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400973988691353,0.03954614981704165,0.06063723444551883,0.09799377033221614,0.10796409697137282,0.0,0.0,0.0589738172933463,0.0,0.0838044063206249,0.06713103256935618,0.060289133051550474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728052860231089,0.0,0.09901228141883496,0.0,0.11098307939248916,0.0,0.05569053977090336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986230430582037,0.0,0.0,0.04384241647120067,0.0,0.0,0.0794882294249004
suicidewatch,sciencepuppy,2018/03/10,"i'm just tired of everything. hi, so i don’t know if this is the spot for this? 

i’ve struggled with suicide ideation for most of my life- 11, was the earliest i can remember. i’ve tried to kill myself twice, and while i’m not in any immediate danger of killing myself despite a rough morning, i.

it sounds kind of silly, i guess. i always told myself that things would get better if i was older. i told myself that if i could just stick it out until 13, 16, 18- my life would be better. i told myself that i wouldn’t live beyond those benchmarks that i picked arbitrarily- (13, when you’re a “real teenager,” 16, for a “sweet sixteen” or when your parents celebrate the fact they have a daughter, at least in the movies anyways, 18 for being a “real adult”) and. i’ve managed to look back at them and go ‘well, suck it, i *did* it, and now i’ve only got X amount of years left to go’ but.

i’m 17 now, and i’m a bit petrified by the fact that so much of my future hinges on the next few months. university acceptance- i always saw going to school as my way out, a ticket to a better life: because the world had to be more than what i’ve experienced so far, and i could study biomedical science and make new friends and grow into my own sort of person. i keep telling myself it’s only one more year, and then i’ll be out of here: but i’m scared that it won’t be, if i don’t get accepted, or i do get accepted and my parents refuse to sign off on OSAP for me and i can’t get student loans.  

it’s scary i guess. i know realistically i can always take another semester or two in highschool if i need to and i can apply again- a lot of kids do. i could work to save up money. but it’s a deeply horrifying prospect to me- ive always said its one more year and i can be myself, i can start living an actual life: of being stuck here, and its. a sinking hopeless feeling, i keep thinking that if it doesn’t pan out, well, i might as well die because i never saw myself living past 21 at the very most: and i’m 17 and the next ‘benchmark’ i self imposed- (which makes me feel stupider, it should be easier to let go of it if im the one who broke my life up into segments like that, but its hard when they’ve been the only thing that ive been able to use to motivate myself through life) is coming up and i dont think im ready for it.

that sounds stupid, i know. i’m not actively suicidal, but i’ve been passively so for a long time and senior year has been eating me alive. i’m scared i won’t be able to make it through the rest of this year. sometimes it seems so tempting to just kill myself. i’ve staved it off by researching- (like i usually do, i throw myself into my special interests, it keeps me semi coherent) into the statistics behind suicide attempts: i know the ins and outs and failure rates, and i look at them, and go, okay, well- i can’t do *that.* it’d be unacceptable to fall into that margin of people who don’t “”get it right.””  because the only thing more crushing than dying would be fucking even that up, and being treated like a freak of nature and outcast for it because my “”family”” considers it a sin and an act against god, of selfishness for not respecting your parents face in the community and for throwing away all of their sunken cost fallacy resources in you. they don’t believe in mental health issues- they barely believe me about my physical health, my *diagnosed* genetic blood disorder to the point of giving me NSAIDs without my realization when the blood thinning effects cause subdermal bleeding in my joints, or when i had the mumps for a week and i couldnt close my jaw without excruciating pain because i had picked up a mutated strain from a non vaxxer student, or when i was coughing blood up for a week from bronchitis that the doctor took all of an alarmed two minutes to diagnose me with and they *blamed* me for being ill and begrudgingly gave me my medication while harassing me about how it better not happen again in the future- and just. knowing that i couldn’t even kill myself right, that fucks me up even more than the idea of being dead. because if i can’t even that do that right, what good am i, yknow?

i’ve been crying while writing this so i’m sorry for any typos, and it’s just. overwhelming a lot. sometimes i wonder why i aren’t already dead- because everything hurts so much and i dont know if i can take another year of this: but i’ve already been through 17, so what’s one more year, right? but what if i can’t get through this year? what if it doesnt turn out to be just one more year, but i’m stuck here with them and their overwhelming anger and disappointment that i’m too “stupid” to make the cut, and it feels like i’m just proving them right because my parents think its a damn shame i wasnt born an oldest son instead of a daughter because smart girls don’t account for anything much, and i want so badly to be out of here- to do something with my life, to go on and find people who actually love me and dont treat me like a car depreciating at the speed of light, i want to be involved in science. i want to make this… worth something, i guess. i want my eulogy to be more than a teenage suicide statistic. i want to have meant something more than this. 

i’m just so afraid that i can’t live up to all of that. i don’t know if i can keep living sometimes. i’m just exhausted, y’know? i'm so tired of crying.
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suicidewatch,browk2512,2018/03/10,"Am I selfish for wanting to kill my self so my parents feel guilty? My parents have mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused me for years. I have depression and anxiety, they know that, and yet they still make me feel like shit. Most people don't kill themselves because they don't want others to feel bad/guilty. I want to kill my self so people know how much they've hurt me.",3.204970645792564,5.6063766986301395,3.510019569471627,88.47191780821919,76.53424657534245,6.911154598825831,25.497064579256357,7.957251820313856,1.505506457925636,301,11,59,5,7,93,44,73,0.407,0.5660000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9879,2,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,5,8,4,0,0,0,5,1,1,2,0,14,14,6,3,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,3,13,1,5,14,2,3,0,2,0,0,7,0,1,1,4,35,15,0,0.0,0.18749971302200488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106039088115032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213167496752104,0.09646739174129136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630001352150198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800932377920914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400470199991753,0.11305343382399954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940930191173914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252386868027337,0.0,0.17393951077708178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731268444720489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563273214642016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947821805420168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633154914797468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35143455817386604,0.0,0.0,0.2194204768689244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301773643054621,0.0,0.16244077931359868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637820973874528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001886505903817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019074529929422
suicidewatch,cliebenberg88,2018/03/10,Drunk af So happy! God can’t remember this emotion! Thank you... Alcohol...,0.15923076923077062,-1.8519381538461503,2.6701538461538483,80.54984615384616,161.30769230769232,7.193846153846152,25.676923076923078,6.742157984588678,3.2658738461538466,56,3,9,2,5,19,13,13,0.121,0.403,0.476,0.7938,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487505138452109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723363653594963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469964516104658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756702657317309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865919099373351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RatsWhatAWaste,2018/03/10,"I feel inferior to everyone. title. I can't do anything. 

I have no talents, no dreams, no inspiration. I have severe ADHD so I can't focus hard enough to learn things. I try to do my best but the days keep piling up one after the other. I was fired from my job right after I renewed the lease on my apartment, so I moved in with a roommate but I still haven't gotten another job. no partner, never had one and I can't see myself being with anyone anyway, but all of my friends have relationships. Some of them are getting married, a couple for them have moved in with each other and then there's me, just feeling like it's an unattainable goal.  

I feel left behind when everyone else started growing up around me. I'm only 20, sure, but I  still feel like an outlier... The only reason I'm still alive is so I can help my roommate out with bills. come september I think i'll just disappear.

I even feel pathetic making this post, it's so obvious that I just want people to pay attention to me. ""ohh help me i have depression please talk to me"" don't feel the need to reply to this, i'm okay if people just read it. I'm gonna go see a movie now. i hope its good.",1.0717500000000015,3.2156276750000004,3.1990000000000016,89.22600000000001,82.66666666666666,6.006666666666668,20.85,7.24861992348623,0.6486200000000002,902,27,190,13,25,306,136,240,0.117,0.6759999999999999,0.206,0.9679,2,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,2,17,12,0,0,10,1,18,0,0,2,4,40,42,13,0,4,9,0,8,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,11,2,2,6,10,2,0,2,3,10,32,10,26,37,5,28,0,2,2,0,8,10,0,3,13,132,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439834964592304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256270076683071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377112121743988,0.0,0.09859010678729728,0.1066527153796306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572897612404693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320223649214676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256302922047178,0.0,0.07726494060919685,0.0,0.1031887080900844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008251640055056,0.0,0.0,0.12379159518290984,0.0,0.0791307145582128,0.0,0.0,0.22895948074728725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634649951180224,0.1711788206038002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256179673966193,0.0,0.06259367553653214,0.0,0.06808849479084504,0.10048756511870327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732261857917448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606068351977715,0.0,0.0,0.11899436273689487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377778815980949,0.1064890526241114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016953907495155,0.0,0.0,0.11706229252611043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997141658753748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25466957601118423,0.0,0.08883461014751466,0.09240175137438232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623672543971462,0.1822356806688947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611675194766376,0.0,0.0,0.13151098014671875,0.0,0.0,0.11474100370191095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983839315092225,0.0,0.0,0.1231804928245845,0.0,0.12862677774462827,0.0,0.1023136454395254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093969663082053,0.0,0.0,0.13534664689326245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479928358659584,0.0,0.287031611885092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291571072067524,0.0,0.0,0.09629550208661274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959376424459919,0.07676682927464025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134039068584177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066466632383603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guys-cry,2018/03/10,"suicidal thoughts been crossing my mind since i was 11, gone through childhood abuse and bullying, going through mental abuse right now (extremely long post, dont read if you dont have time) I’m 16 now and this year the thought of suicide has been more appealing
I’m a bit scared of saying too much because I don’t want anyone to make connections (it’s a paranoid thought but it could happen) but here we go 
So i have two sisters, two half sisters and a half brother who i don’t have a stable relationship with. Two of my sisters have bullied me all my life, constantly putting me down, hitting me occasionally and expecting me not to react, screaming in my face, becoming extremely frustrated for little reasons etc 
One of my sisters used to hit me when i was young, smash my head against the wall or throw things at my face and now she’s always calling me weird, sending me dirty looks, having discussions about me with her friends, still screaming at me and getting frustrated even when it’s not my fault. Sometimes when we have them typical arguments siblings have she’ll tell me things like ‘at least I’m attractive, at least people don’t think i’m ugly, at least i have friends and people to rely on’ 
I barely know my half brother and one of my half sisters, one of my other half sisters abused me for 10+ years before she left home as she was a victim of abuse from my parents - she’d hit me and make stuff up, she’d break things and blame it on me so i’d get hit instead of her etc 
The main issue is my dad who basically sees me as a failure. He’s always had this fear that I won’t be masculine enough which is why he took me away from my mum as a child out of fear that she’d ‘mollycoddle’ me, he forced me to watch football (soccer) and boxing with him for 4 years when i was younger and then he wonders why i don’t like it now, he never let me play video games and he wonders why i can’t connect to guys my age, i’d get hit if he caught me playing games on the laptop because my role was to do research. I don’t know where to start with the physical abuse - he used to bite my ears when i was a baby, i have flashbacks of him kicking me around the floor and laughing when i was young, it’s one of my earliest memories (my mum told me this did happen as i thought it was a dream), he used to spank me every time i had holes in my socks (according to him i picked at my socks when later on my parents found out that they had just been worn out) to the point where it hurt to sit on the toilet (i must have been three), when i got older he used to hit my siblings and i every time he heard us talking in english, his reasoning was ‘we’re asian, we’re not british so we speak urdu/gujarati in this house’, there was this point in my life where every time a stain appeared on a wall he’d automatically blame me and beat me up for it, he’d ask the teachers at school how i was and they’d say i did well but i talk and just because i talked he’d make me exercise when i go home and then beat me up with a thin stick - when i was in year 3 (i was around 7) he went through this messed up phase where he’d ask my sister to pick a number between 10-20 and the number she picked would be how many extra beats to the head i’d receive AFTER i do my exercise and AFTER he finishes beating me with a stick - same year, year 3 he accused me of being bullied and unlike any other father who would be supportive (let’s keep in mind that i wasn’t getting bullied in the first place) he beat me up for three whole hours, i clearly remember, he beat me up for getting bullied til my face had turned purple and my ears had gone purple too, my hands were so sore i couldn’t open the door and i had severe bruising on my back, i couldn’t go school for two weeks after that 
And after that he would tell me to get back at the bullies and honest to god, i would hit random kids in my class to appease him but he was never satisfied and he’d beat me up further 
There’s so much more but idk what to say, then came a time when he began to force me to go learn the holy book at the mosque by heart (if someone who knows about my past is reading this and reads what im about to say i’m gonna literally be dead but i’m not muslim anymore and if my parents find out honestly hell will break loose) - this continued for five years, bearing in mind my mosque teacher abused me on a daily basis and thought it was funny to take the piss out of me because i’m half pakistani and he was a racist indian - he’d force me to hit other children and when i refused he’d tell me he’d hit me instead and when i hit them too hard he’d say to me it’s the pakistani side that’s coming out in me 
He’d throw keys at me and slap me around the head and tell me he doesnt know why i keep coming when I’m not memorising anything (did i have a choice to go though?)
I started getting bullied when i was 11 - so back when i was eight, i started engaging in self harm but i didnt even know until i was 11 - when i was 8 i used to stub my toe against the bed or bang my head against walls to release anger and then when i turned eleven i started cutting, i looked up different types of self harm and i realised what i was doing at 8 was self harm
So at school (an all boys school) i was told i was weird, people would call me gay and it was bearable in the first year but when i turned 12 and went to year 8 it began to get physical, getting punched and put into headlocks and that year my self harm went worse, suicide became appealing but i was muslim at the time and was afraid of going hell 
When i turned 13 and was in year 9 i cut too deep, ended up being hospitalised and there was a big drama at home apparently whilst i was in hospital 
I ended up telling the people in the hospital who were demanding to know why i cut about my situation at home and when my parents came later they begged me to say it was all due to bullying, my dad promised he’d change, he took me out of mosque and all that
He didnt change 
I lied for my parents - I’m focusing on my dad here but when i was young my mum was just as abusive and she’s emotionally abusive now
I never stopped cutting, things went tense between my parents and i, i went through vigorous counselling
Later on in year 9 i reported my parents again
Also when my half sister left home with my sister for the first time,  my sister reported my dad and the socials came, we had to lie for our parents - my half sister who left lied for my parents too and blamed her blue face on an abusive boyfriend
So when i reported my parents later on, i told the socials everything and they believed me
They come round two weeks later, say the house is in good condition, say there’s plenty of food, they interrogate my dad who’s responding calmly and guess what they say? ‘If you truly were abusing this child it’s likely that you would have gotten aggressive as we told you why we were here’
Hm, the social worker was ghanaian and my dads pakistani - my dad full on manipulated him by bringing in culture during the conversation and outlining the similarities between ghanaian culture and pakistani culture 
He ended up befriending the social worker by the end 
The socials spoke to my sisters who lied on my parents behalf again and i got a pep talk from the social worker on how my parents want the best for me blah blah blah 
So the abuse hasn’t stopped - it’s mainly mental abuse, being judged and screamed at and threatened almost daily 
I barely have friends at school, i don’t fit in
Im really insecure, ever since i was born I’ve had vitiligo and it’s spreading and people laugh at me for it 
I started going through hair loss when i was 13 due to my dad passing on his nasty genes to me and my hairline has receded so much people always point it out 
I hate it when people self diagnose but i honestly believe i have severe body dysmorphia, i end up late to school every day because i end up looking in the mirror for so long, trying to cover up my hairline, examining the vitiligo spreading up my neck
I get so anxious and it has an effect on my bladder, i can’t go anywhere without having to need the toilet 
The moment i enter a busy place i cant hold eye contact with people especially if they’re good looking, i cant watch films with hot actors because again, i start comparing myself to them and i feel so ugly, it’s been said to me many times back two three years ago and people pointing out my hair loss and vitiligo really dont help and this happens on public transport mainly : i feel like everyones looking at my face and hair even though i know they’re not but i still feel as though they do, every time someone laughs near me or looks at me i cant help but think they’re laughing or talking about me, it’s too much 
I dont have anyone to talk to or rely on, my insecurities are taking over every aspect of my life, let’s not forget to mention how im bisexual and contrary to popular belief, there are quite a few people who are very homophobic in london and my family are very homophobic too, they believe that gays should be killed so if they find out about me I’m pretty sure I’ll be beaten senseless and then have to endure some form of conversion therapy
I still engage in self harm and i really dont want to live anymore, i know people are going through much worse, i know people will tell me life will get better and that i haven’t lived the most of life yet but whatever, i’ve been telling myself that since i was 8
I really think I’m gonna be single forever, i say to people that relationships disgust me but tbh i want one, i just feel like i’ll never be worthy enough to be in one and even if i get in one i’ll end up driving the other person away with all this bs
My problems may not seem big to you but to be honest they’re a big deal to me
Sorry for the long post, just wanted to get some things off my chest. ",5.357327818391688,4.927036805801379,6.049210978581506,83.1951285109658,67.86430678466078,8.86435979650293,30.37132230345005,8.210889970507225,1.9485128177504167,7749,258,1645,91,115,2541,597,2034,0.16699999999999998,0.757,0.076,-0.9997,14,0,0,0,11,4,119.0,8,5,13,20,105,70,16,6,70,1,161,35,23,20,13,254,306,164,5,27,43,38,12,8,3,16,9,19,7,13,72,110,1,6,34,16,0,39,38,38,2,30,93,44,289,32,239,153,34,302,3,3,14,2,205,129,3,24,134,1093,361,23,0.0,0.341798167489078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02130979379725486,0.0,0.024072343752649487,0.0,0.0,0.01922458471033793,0.06000900996095599,0.0,0.0,0.016347858882641526,0.0,0.0,0.027158082373572392,0.04768195784957465,0.033618313608373585,0.0,0.019782671405670443,0.06420144043751776,0.04494785468450006,0.0,0.0451722854323908,0.07394035592313951,0.0,0.0879264751614707,0.02655002251583771,0.020456062300237016,0.08125372064815388,0.02522824147253964,0.02126121118976176,0.02624518802304364,0.026702750266639798,0.0,0.0,0.04909455869793613,0.08248523204146826,0.0,0.0,0.0508617499624747,0.0621243651939369,0.0,0.025978436662230372,0.0,0.01919378955487657,0.0,0.0,0.015503654281945887,0.024783933527404142,0.0,0.024399846970221184,0.0,0.02511642910133969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087207879464958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027041490572202943,0.14904462311928124,0.04967898970980345,0.05362136658228005,0.06351213018070169,0.021745336194973267,0.12152719083976615,0.02297101768338941,0.021605383187549843,0.0,0.02266254308920076,0.054102819370342885,0.04862089311115258,0.0343480139130096,0.0,0.0,0.043943804128450406,0.06134461418580474,0.029068969168341313,0.026358352351280052,0.05571916907148899,0.0,0.16327714841094834,0.0,0.13662347702493213,0.04032681464455718,0.038453578938453394,0.0,0.02648250221976548,0.02380313861194725,0.06377483224805522,0.0,0.02153490007195593,0.023734282728964586,0.09868690318508916,0.0,0.0,0.02848722738110378,0.03222668429680154,0.0,0.12056918002616188,0.0,0.023674317863307856,0.055477303076847055,0.025735056699456044,0.0,0.07790118728562792,0.02509126022121125,0.0,0.042735280547142505,0.026596428950633928,0.0,0.11890459406445066,0.0,0.02711789260304546,0.0,0.07835779782964387,0.0737468397641033,0.08489995532154403,0.0587230540290096,0.024094151637306323,0.04245509110728683,0.06382328445349886,0.12112404612819593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814017271358937,0.04874508011492806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048452840990884184,0.0,0.07281990376671395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835993595022397,0.017825174951788855,0.07416376934012542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140297288345897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203196582014608,0.0,0.02294866788076156,0.21665982488497015,0.020990588253042036,0.05023285820267938,0.0,0.09090136149372792,0.0,0.04604688334274492,0.024457074964951853,0.0,0.02300280047717845,0.0,0.04833319052386263,0.0,0.02556924031294612,0.07213878645865396,0.0,0.06160193474107568,0.04943374731086655,0.0,0.05161940403578179,0.02723235801772735,0.02052982083093948,0.022867313626191918,0.19117379375903004,0.02406799017943261,0.1459771029271096,0.01915657361491267,0.021884891587068786,0.15047225439317893,0.054316164747144784,0.0,0.05965780537085971,0.02702169370465549,0.0,0.14703302706073146,0.04073761560080405,0.0,0.02377593402512289,0.026910539409530032,0.1020927809470249,0.0,0.057594542150291236,0.040196625982450745,0.0,0.0,0.027519769906666915,0.0788867759050332,0.02728003096618643,0.022657186146923476,0.0,0.03614981043733969,0.11593347472886342,0.14708264837119345,0.0,0.027491556818642158,0.0,0.07985473062669314,0.04621111614186058,0.0708568165661372,0.0954244075793152,0.12615997884439398,0.0,0.0,0.09188407073355766,0.05341810835840482,0.016321416756535968,0.10459340819566412,0.14090009482221194,0.0,0.02891686731678142,0.10381315616084147,0.0,0.03967063377195658,0.07089635661374034,0.0,0.03856648546305645,0.0,0.02161462829004893,0.11142547630823332,0.13015284740802313,0.02683952979423219,0.0,0.023173467553087142,0.05214018124633367,0.0,0.0,0.04899713160720917,0.10246292035324296,0.0,0.0,0.2012505964346592
suicidewatch,importantnoteand,2018/03/10,"Fist time poster. I never thought it would ever come to this and I don't really know to expect here but I am desperate I've had depression for the majority of my life but I've never seriously considered ending my life. Up until a few days ago. I'm on antidepressants but I still cry at night like a baby, i sleep all day and struggle to pull myself out of bed. I've been late to work too many time. 

I'm 24 years old and I've watched all my friends get degrees and have careers while I work in a coffee shop. It's embarrassing. 

I feel so lonely and the only person I want to reach out to isn't interested in me. 

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. ",0.5843896713615031,2.6470352323943693,3.142845070422535,89.39112206572771,84.0,6.321877934272301,19.325821596244133,7.554174236665415,0.5186717370892016,521,14,117,9,15,181,93,142,0.174,0.7440000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.946,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,2,5,0,10,3,1,1,5,25,20,12,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,4,8,0,1,4,1,1,2,5,5,0,0,3,2,15,3,17,16,5,25,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,0,17,72,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641460130307866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951142708799862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340548268007969,0.2388444545265315,0.0,0.15949051732099614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400963587427933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750092808869566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362978626311066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306535200810558,0.0,0.09674602848626404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645915954022331,0.0,0.0,0.20353411448503908,0.0,0.2088848909068463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158843778804863,0.09046690252906266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773786907225853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612455696078432,0.0,0.2856359654236707,0.0,0.0,0.17377371526173135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943094780681162,0.0,0.0,0.14083354430046774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168722258361634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862752027230868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530822129337932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788058730569467,0.0,0.0,0.1935845831534712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700786125849002,0.2159534690781304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922071219716306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696184689898643,0.0,0.0,0.13154264512907118,0.0,0.0,0.11924630069200555
suicidewatch,Freepyle,2018/03/10,My friend is about to die He’s told me that he wants to kill himself and I’m just really scared. I don’t want to call the police on him but at the same time I can’t just leave him alone right now...,1.90253623188406,1.8264865000000008,3.216086956521739,99.31514492753624,75.30434782608695,7.0028985507246375,17.507246376811594,6.42735559955562,-0.6653971014492757,153,1,43,1,3,50,37,46,0.235,0.6940000000000001,0.071,-0.7792,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,6,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133984180370085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089845653753213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140470949243743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337850832520309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347778759112344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204056977263721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938508822266931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584155122244829,0.0,0.0,0.302951597174133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644628499615753,0.0,0.0,0.28914364863938685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569581724079943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AZnoobie,2018/03/10,"I need a Friend. I have been feeling so alone lately. And I don't think I can do it anymore. I don't feel like I'm a bad person to be around. Yet everyone I know ends up leaving me or stops talking to me and wanting to be around me. I don't know what I do to scare them away. When I actually ask people to do stuff with me, they always turn me down. And I end up going to the movies or something alone just to get out of my own head for awhile. I just need a friend who will be there for me when I need them. Because I am always there when someone needs me. I wish I could deal with it. But I don't think I can anymore.",0.38922062350119896,1.6533122805755376,2.4253417266187083,98.30525479616308,80.8705035971223,5.2088729016786575,19.49700239808153,5.46131890053228,-0.5035184652278177,473,11,122,2,12,159,75,139,0.12,0.799,0.081,-0.6178,0,2,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,0,11,5,0,1,4,0,17,1,1,0,0,27,34,10,0,7,5,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,28,3,19,28,1,16,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,9,89,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.13454320647562418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855876722524456,0.0,0.0,0.22944113618887305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734639996185852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454706626310031,0.1288917304431533,0.0,0.12953530437261745,0.0,0.1151173805486069,0.08404550573012477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007959186727888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214000209610825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442273801425584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174262665191616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942447515629972,0.09849580100337896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303916641151474,0.0,0.07203244172345315,0.0,0.07835584811115114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414964719994573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154171669651315,0.0,0.15552564758039208,0.14598656554049652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735730640613571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408921433267924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558310125897383,0.12038453278560103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803394730586094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681851794199895,0.10614061936444316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526718499072056,0.0,0.0,0.15783048110151052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110816309840061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766856510221212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996517041707824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132049149131958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585460226188256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antodema,2018/03/10,"Suicide thoughts everytime I am alone.. But still want to live.. Anyone feeling the same? I've been depressed and having suicidal thoughts for three years now (bullied because I am still a virgin (I am a 21-years old male), have health problems, low self-estiem, the girl I love is with someone else, had one secret sexual intercourse with a stranger (man) while drunk even though I am not gay, etc).

I have a loving family and friends, and a strong belief that I can success in the future.. But when alone,  I am always having these thoughts of killing myself. I reached a point where I am having these thoughts several times a day.. I am afraid to commit it.. I can't stand being the ""virgin"" guy anymore, who always have health issues.. Please help me",4.218213429256597,6.4333350359712265,3.8685071942446037,87.95849220623505,72.74100719424459,6.359952038369305,27.41067146282973,7.1686216300943375,1.4090714628297358,586,22,108,6,12,176,94,139,0.168,0.6409999999999999,0.192,0.1779,0,2,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,1,1,11,0,19,8,0,0,1,19,27,8,3,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,5,5,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,6,1,14,5,7,20,2,15,1,2,0,5,10,4,0,0,10,74,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796334120382021,0.0,0.0,0.22465748352646886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338812538367607,0.09439339701540046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822932283751257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706222512367306,0.0,0.11627315653292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277309611717057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150557907314208,0.08916458138381332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272636368449321,0.0,0.0682587966807061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429874043856956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366875800994976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869920782152027,0.0,0.0,0.09048598453672188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409023257542335,0.0,0.0,0.149354741964437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920527355711705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368104472946825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165717648136192,0.0,0.09147780573945344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481867256933564,0.12761628088597346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291743841289839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083184356199505,0.15250875945348102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438295113975235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156183698541632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953307273336476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263436699590733,0.4286917705402157,0.07871813301417828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962502836691175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386793922585056
suicidewatch,MarshieMon,2018/03/10,I just want to stop all the pain People say it will pass. I know it.will. But it's the pain and suffering in the middle I don't want to go through again. It hurts too much. I thought I'm out of it. I thought I finally have something in my life u can hang onto. But that too is a lie and a disaster. Ending things would be really really nice. I don't want to hang on whatever in the future which may or may not be a happy ending I just know it hurts like shit now and I want it t go away. ,-0.7274159021406703,1.1167823669724832,1.9176376146788991,97.49248088685015,87.71559633027522,5.835168195718657,17.34021406727829,7.1686216300943375,-0.0702116207951069,374,9,95,6,12,129,66,109,0.249,0.6559999999999999,0.096,-0.9671,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,7,0,11,4,1,0,1,23,22,6,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,2,1,10,3,12,14,2,20,0,3,0,0,1,8,1,3,8,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262241957091256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066102146948261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961007997520926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674045881286312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425601303649974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705898117131121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024991491297447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225758359307465,0.08456233763141294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724002285749106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683569076585221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999782817595872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176995434151486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764698687284754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767294103992254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325204599163915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447098041040422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499236210337553,0.0,0.0,0.2748259982532011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083685185614846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295716178367212,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,souldancing,2018/03/10,"I'm putting a bullet through my head next Sunday. What should i do before then? I won't bore you with the seemingly mundane issues of my past that have led me to this choice, and i'm not here to be convinced otherwise. Frankly, i'm not sure why i'm even here. Perhaps reading the posts on this subreddit, is the closet interaction i have with other humans, and i feel the need to share my final plans with a group that actually understands the fear, dread, and despair that i have faced. I've never been loved, i don't connect with my family, and every time i'm in the physical presence of another human my brain freezes and i can't convey my thoughts and feelings.

I'm 20 years old, live in Dallas, have a car, a loaded 9mm pistol, and 50k cash. At 10pm on the 18th i'm going to email my immediate family my suicide note. At sometime around 11pm i'm going to spend my last moments gazing up at the stars somewhere in the Sonoran Desert. Having one final beautiful image of this insufferable universe as my neurons fire the impulses to my finger that will lead to their own destruction. Is there anywhere i should go, see, or do before that time.",5.490883458646618,5.824470732456144,6.339498746867168,78.61815789473684,67.55263157894737,9.145864661654135,31.19799498746867,9.04235418022936,2.559594235588972,909,34,174,15,14,301,138,228,0.113,0.84,0.047,-0.9296,0,0,0,1,0,1,25.0,0,1,1,2,5,9,1,2,14,0,17,6,5,2,2,27,36,10,1,3,3,0,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,12,0,0,5,1,2,7,6,5,0,1,2,6,22,4,26,29,1,31,0,1,1,1,9,10,0,2,13,107,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.14953061453987296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067527135866486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640740397165207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607753036232903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105562873046234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120713109728427,0.0,0.12910308944355647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889036740415947,0.1724266251869712,0.1549556309689848,0.0,0.0,0.3357124852127679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612528367898559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725843740119336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599325644017406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249031003320644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530511287268734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829627783311502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361828444707925,0.1181806106159468,0.0,0.16296210298868774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078936511020256,0.0,0.10383277905060044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627560638310888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675221712234668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540387178254313,0.0,0.0,0.15327171040760548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210466578293712,0.13949505932807332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515486295291763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676090168003573,0.0,0.14441769168460433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164769785277882,0.1786995751913142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951808809140414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826646188511452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986752533671389
suicidewatch,onthesamestreets,2018/03/10,"Is having a niece that will eventually ignore me when she gets older enough of a reason to get going? She never wants me to leave home and cries. Not matter if her parents are around, she still wants me to do things for her (put her in a high chair, give her a spoon...). She actually loves me a lot, she has more than once said I love (my name) so much, mom. For a long time, I've wondered how much my death woud affect her, sometimes I even think she's 2 she's not going to remember you when she is 17 or younger. In fact, it'd be like if she had never met me but then, when I'm not around, she keeps on asking my sister where I am and when I am going to come home. (I live with them because of college). Right now, I'm taking care of her for the whole weekend and she is having a good time, I'd say. I want to show her my favorite movies, I want to know what her favorite color, movie, music... is. I want her to know that I'll always be there for her no matter what and that she can trust me. But sometimes it's all too much. I've always loathed myself. I never thought I'd live to 25 but I did. Everyone pushes me away. I'd like to know why. Maybe it's because I'm such a useless and worthless person. I'm literally too stupid. Maybe it's best I'm only a memory to her. I feel so empty at the moment and I have no one to share this with and I just want to drop this somewhere. Idk. ",0.3530137931034503,2.075366793333337,2.4078160919540217,96.22500000000002,82.73333333333333,4.937931034482759,17.344827586206893,5.727593064623523,-0.6190448275862068,1058,21,254,6,29,355,154,300,0.122,0.735,0.14300000000000002,0.8574,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,1,1,19,13,1,0,11,0,19,2,0,3,5,50,52,21,1,8,10,3,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,12,12,0,2,9,2,0,6,8,4,0,1,5,4,50,9,30,43,9,33,0,2,1,2,38,10,0,5,18,169,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.10271749958375384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516766864959796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740546882381612,0.09840285968316477,0.0,0.09889419853678298,0.0,0.0,0.12832969312968684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046271832552663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073184605145154,0.0,0.0,0.09067121940887284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562195565386435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087605779614874,0.0,0.0695225086738753,0.0,0.0,0.10057938674690753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053222060942285404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998685844589386,0.10097392518907156,0.17946317038014184,0.08828616873467345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121180367607107,0.2111665117279998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355894390775682,0.0,0.0,0.1735426109141631,0.0,0.0,0.1114539736189236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284836037393733,0.0,0.1858910687680484,0.09315081144109433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948735003995488,0.19000052804530884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114934193615931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327794787137228,0.0,0.0,0.2321322013685787,0.0,0.2435464508543363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209728990638944,0.0713261526526133,0.08005413423047285,0.0,0.0,0.11687754844291905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190800873722084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581426407430827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082236768448414,0.0,0.0,0.119237811177859,0.08989052281705895,0.10012531498483523,0.0837060995876865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082074809694668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405989102279468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914159082803196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992933396311933,0.06744565095751638,0.0,0.08356380659577567,0.12275461848942122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725065472892667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497978246684892,0.11751779936294535,0.0,0.0,0.11414878363053554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throvefe,2018/03/10,"No idea why I wrote this. Have a nice day :) Hey,

I am 25 years old, occasionally self harming and slightly depressed (undiagnosed). Lately it has become harder and harder not to cut myself (just superficial, I neither like scars nor the pain during a cut). I haven't really frequently hurt myself since I was around 18. I got a girlfriend and everything was okayish till I started cutting again. University stresses me out and I can't imagine ever getting a mediocre job, I won't even finish my BA successfully. 
Everytime I try and talk to my girlfriend I just pull her down. I fear that she might one day hurt herself witch I could never forgive myself for. 

Sometimes I wonder if it's best just to end this relationship and relationships in general once and for all, get welfare and just do nothing much till I turn 50 and die from a heart attack.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should do it right now, I have a very well thought out and painless plan for that.

Am I an emotional vampire and destroying my girlfriends life? Should I just end it before it gets worse? I really don't know what to do about that, not that I had time worrying about this with that buttload of research papers I have in progress. Sorry for the unordered ramblings, just needed to get this off my chest.",4.451265560165972,6.531905609958508,5.0713257261410805,80.16607572614109,71.73858921161826,7.641576763485477,29.892323651452283,8.395991825355821,2.362955020746888,1016,43,181,17,20,326,148,241,0.159,0.7120000000000001,0.129,-0.7744,1,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,5,14,19,5,2,9,0,20,4,2,0,3,42,33,16,1,5,10,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,1,15,15,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,13,1,1,6,0,34,6,23,22,4,26,0,3,0,0,13,8,0,4,18,135,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748588111337368,0.0,0.13736133105476314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334993160186465,0.10274245556488258,0.0,0.12671116466254112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964025745287628,0.0,0.0,0.15573706100197698,0.0,0.10399481317033343,0.0,0.1253110194209736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581837514693929,0.21388295338653013,0.0,0.0,0.07974887978374721,0.10921795235877768,0.0,0.0,0.10851502549849884,0.0,0.0,0.13586819480472342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523306169269361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656831963571444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430797213272004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25851338156835396,0.13630289736878398,0.0,0.0,0.11981769532013202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635658522274551,0.0,0.1362021113784628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852835678642139,0.0589883886806486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808806490067556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887591820931888,0.08952858172509598,0.09312358928267138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585510014710035,0.0,0.12669830287307354,0.1285861725554761,0.08181782967604459,0.0,0.12847788419043746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470069336786368,0.0,0.0,0.2592632075319101,0.0,0.10311291457365973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596012438620513,0.0,0.0,0.09987893934899596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388336336912178,0.13516066088039952,0.08546173139281278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830942736747856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970477577827436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585557387952852,0.0704055672007939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197581779191675,0.13133250471423985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962470459182056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856145987666822,0.0,0.10895077577488947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26187885900133834,0.0,0.12261925052662405,0.1230463014600338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777538186597003
suicidewatch,nerisut,2018/03/10,"Please help My dad hit my brother, I ran away.

He has hit me a million times before, but this time is the final, now I'm in exile at my grandma's.
I will be trying to end my life tommorow with a note, so the police investigates him and throws him in prison.
There's no reason why I shouldn't: it's either kill him, or myself.",4.208714285714287,3.591960014285714,5.563571428571431,86.34392857142859,70.28571428571429,7.571428571428571,24.642857142857146,5.985473137389443,0.5911428571428572,251,5,57,1,4,85,56,70,0.102,0.7759999999999999,0.121,0.0918,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,9,4,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,12,0,6,3,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877514543485982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26061385297623163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271264981265698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355046396184567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052868298885841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388432105113891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632809041260248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33619331551631265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314897343502642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571778781866584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793773721066466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763617172991584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Im_Not_Daredevil,2018/03/10,"Is anyone else afraid to call a suicide hotline? I feel nervous about doing. Maybe even ashamed but not for the way you might think. 

I feel like there are probably other people who really need the help of the hotline more than I do. I feel like all my problems are the result of me being a lazy coward and I should leave the hotline number open for somebody out there who has real problems and needs the help more than I do. ",4.41,5.605222857142858,4.620000000000001,86.875,70.42857142857143,6.552380952380951,25.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.9402047619047617,336,10,65,2,6,105,57,84,0.218,0.625,0.157,-0.632,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,3,8,0,10,0,0,1,1,19,16,3,1,5,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,9,2,9,13,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843071615273755,0.20285170358500135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215752041961807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538508997313045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076250295777073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30031064906031324,0.2828708316420601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654007597408598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096299577359227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934439548303083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889536067051852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002321300120855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935961348768377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725291367053116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134536074970199,0.37887613051253205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225342136522906,0.12682968042271564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165556351364046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268562124849659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571456024675854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vetthrowaway333,2018/03/10,How did I get here I woke up this morning and realized that I'm going to die without a friend in the world.  I don't know when or how my life turned out this way.  Pretty depressing.,0.4734615384615388,2.4225260256410297,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,83.61538461538461,5.951282051282053,20.006410256410245,7.1686216300943375,0.3108410256410257,141,4,33,2,4,47,34,39,0.221,0.7020000000000001,0.077,-0.7121,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,8,8,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,5,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126283330297721,0.0,0.3767089330472111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804322367491852,0.0,0.18963854479221692,0.0,0.20628606578139394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948060861224606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563787447028801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692742920105789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948106715109726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28811127514398405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498932655012705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HolyHoly7,2018/03/10,"The past two years of my life have been awful In the past two years of my life I have:

- Lost all motivation and goals

- Lost the little self-esteem and security I had

- Lost all my interests and hobbies

- Lost all my friends

- Had my heart broken by a girl I'm still in love with

- Started hating everyone

- Lost all good relations to my parents

- Lost a lot of family members (To death)


I'm too afraid and proud to reach out to anyone in real life and right now I want to kill this person I have become.",2.228338833883388,4.092431811881191,3.7411221122112224,88.22860286028605,77.4158415841584,6.865126512651265,21.123212321232124,7.793537801064563,0.7801674367436742,387,10,82,6,9,128,59,101,0.227,0.593,0.181,-0.7693,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,9,3,15,2,1,5,1,6,5,1,1,4,15,18,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,2,9,0,10,6,14,9,5,13,0,6,0,1,5,6,0,1,7,51,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124980102706685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833386420303075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103416060106873,0.0,0.0,0.10954309833710732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977589721265014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746311799261577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472352668922675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376976598820817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855817727461974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462266688605397,0.0,0.11646301175318376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7610767141208442,0.09878915667981948,0.10487511321955506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129026442735487,0.0,0.22185225836952052,0.0,0.10146143193666644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322611358544082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923423744965552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122203066619405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224701804772251,0.0,0.09279753776407164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270211964895249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853782061186565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496580895884243
suicidewatch,eidolonhex,2018/03/10,"Why couldnt i have died? I tried to hang myself using the short drop method with a belt. Tied it around my window grail and stayed in the bending forward position for as long as i could. I felt the most pain in my head, from the lack of oxygen going to my brain, but still, i didnt pass out. Read somewhere that i was supposed to pass out in 15 seconds if im doing it right. I looked up in so many different websites and found that i had to compress my carotid vein. Did exactly that and stayed for i think 20 mins (kept looking at the clock). Then i tried the strangulation method using the same belt but hung from a bed post. Stayed for more than 10 mins, and didnt even pass out. What went wrong? All i wanted was to end the pain, and somehow the more i want to die, the harder it becomes to do so. How do people die so easily without trying? ",3.4905238095238107,4.177796257142859,4.122642857142857,91.47977380952379,72.14285714285714,6.976190476190476,23.72619047619048,6.816661863887847,0.5365333333333338,655,16,148,5,12,208,105,175,0.146,0.81,0.044,-0.9663,1,0,2,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,12,0,12,5,3,3,2,31,24,15,3,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,7,10,0,1,3,1,0,7,4,3,0,1,10,3,17,0,28,12,6,32,0,0,2,0,0,14,0,3,8,99,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184814255765614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699130558422768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857635403054828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106264323659132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143900966617786,0.13905437191314274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788132990709747,0.0,0.0,0.08790699640770352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779062442301714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593014461108475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564009879604378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659232053934509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437638106062524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778355244830235,0.2235300261033316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493591130905633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832417191219247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227026950439096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746677515239654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312950925614658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366111518549325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255798623118288,0.10628863484826344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528093576498855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710852342889416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299000891889816,0.0,0.0,0.15700398014505987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337900073810815,0.12009617540247405,0.0,0.0,0.12829737709299793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551684042747162,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_me_D20s,2018/03/10,"Fight Just push forward. Wherever you are, humans are powerful, beautiful things. We can accomplish so much. Fight on! Every single human is rooting for you! Fight! For the sake of fighting! ",2.933839285714285,5.2887800625000025,3.5241071428571433,77.93875000000003,107.75,6.828571428571428,26.44642857142857,7.447530270364453,2.9993428571428566,150,7,21,4,7,47,27,32,0.249,0.544,0.207,0.3331,1,0,0,0,5,0,9.0,1,2,0,2,3,4,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6477955934442979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651987189044351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107947506219452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imploding64robo,2018/03/10,Kill myself I'm suicidal. So what. Everyone ignores me and I'm always lonely. I'm always just in the background. I want to die. I need an easy way to though,-1.6601298701298681,-0.33926272727272355,1.6243290043290055,91.81363636363638,115.66666666666666,4.30995670995671,16.835497835497836,6.18269132825596,0.1808043290043293,122,4,25,2,7,43,25,33,0.416,0.487,0.097,-0.9409,0,2,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350709319146666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336933216902432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30723196017256005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35572098340258645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23840752361690085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516973595024558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158977534974952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964441986636765,0.2552124464942241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snh97,2018/03/10,"I have suicidal thoughts every second I think of how i might just be involved in a car accident and die everytime i am on the car,
Think about how I my death would bring peace to everyone,
But the problem is i have such a loving family, they dont know about my mental state, they have no idea how miserable i feel living. I self-harm with the hopes that i can release my misery, but soon after guilt follows me everywhere, all of society’s eyes on me. I am tired of putting up a fake front, i am tired of everything. I might do it pretty soon, I’m reaching a breaking point. ",8.345128205128205,5.499338726495728,8.563350427350429,75.34553846153847,63.444444444444436,12.436923076923078,37.07521367521368,10.793553405168565,3.6724372649572636,449,16,94,9,5,149,78,117,0.256,0.639,0.105,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,9,6,0,2,7,0,14,4,1,3,1,20,24,6,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,6,2,4,0,1,1,2,19,2,13,19,1,16,0,1,1,1,4,5,0,3,3,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979698867044573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143299571520263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540813826058818,0.17474638260276332,0.16435765314398634,0.0,0.17239973779136253,0.0,0.0924678796037116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163767991197108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064453675916878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100504170438685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148334602157802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505322831247748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842965515652023,0.3880062442250613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287745272798102,0.0,0.0,0.1860511988661417,0.0,0.1749881624107019,0.0,0.18384144577544295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078012780937575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003726601060415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435982080049744,0.0,0.14518355491541815,0.0,0.4203793889880946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991025567833658,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_588398,2018/03/10,"I don’t want to die I don’t want to die because the thought of it terrifies me, but I can’t get the thoughts out of my head and I’m scared I will one day act on them. I’ve lost most of my friends and I’m stressed about every aspect of my life. Everytime I think about dying I just feel guilty because it almost feels like I’m not allowed to feel this way because nothing that tragic has ever happened in my life. I’ve been like this for about a year and a half and I told some people last year and people pretended to care when they didn’t at all. I have convinced everyone that I’m better because I was for about a month or so, but it always seems to come back. I want to talk to one of the only friends I have left about it but I don’t want the “aw so many people care” when I know that’s a lie. I’m scared to die but I feel like that’s the best option at this point. I don’t know if I should tell my friend because I don’t want her telling my parents or the school staff, but I want someone to talk to (not a therapist). I don’t know why I wrote this I just needed to say that to someone. ",2.192367465504724,2.6966840246913613,3.5328540305010923,95.19313725490198,75.00823045267491,6.540692326313242,23.75913822319051,6.2272716619740125,0.2878982812878239,850,23,212,5,17,279,112,243,0.116,0.6709999999999999,0.213,0.972,2,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,3,13,16,0,3,11,1,15,3,1,1,2,46,46,17,4,9,12,1,4,3,3,2,2,1,0,0,13,7,0,0,11,1,0,2,10,5,0,3,8,5,31,11,29,36,4,19,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,8,12,129,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500023452037328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894079720978253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295042835665927,0.0,0.2891643292235904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956192388471044,0.08390624818126581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345590184885653,0.0,0.0,0.08172350981547366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061184353623462265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938470997637262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085816821971041,0.07993344110991303,0.09065390929595084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187978933879726,0.13555262464569165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198927608986632,0.0,0.04956651164711548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389467019797878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973656641310733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641690228618088,0.07733304181851959,0.0,0.0,0.10307830494620132,0.0,0.1340212776818323,0.13904846063593915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356359255517744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618494339843556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572563093737661,0.0,0.0,0.07034611245945853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103188888856503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285749452672609,0.07215415064676058,0.0,0.0,0.1053437192050016,0.0,0.0,0.1973161309737103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968435675457351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544572904023275,0.18996610674675016,0.09601515578192464,0.0,0.08636756996275649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076885057987952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867513306165384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250844705405395,0.16584397470174012,0.0,0.0,0.11015327611418622,0.0,0.06078991055786132,0.0,0.15063495590045928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065390929595084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357464769106608,0.07530468497707897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560689086686643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218844007565467
suicidewatch,NamakaDragon,2018/03/10,"The thought of suicide gave me a moment of clarity and peace. I don't intend to kill myself, I know that I'm just in a tough spot right now but it scared me how all that inner turmoil suddenly left, as if it became a good solution.  ",4.134829931972789,4.107179489795918,5.710612244897959,83.21176870748302,70.42857142857143,8.982312925170069,28.578231292517003,8.841846274778883,2.0261374149659863,181,6,39,3,3,62,41,49,0.193,0.575,0.231,0.289,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,9,5,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317735818174794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191076427752526,0.0,0.2081892866394356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115884880936129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235097776105105,0.0,0.0,0.3792643985838371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143670409921708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007403632872939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blopbleepboo,2018/03/10,"i don't know what to do i'm stuck on 3 math questions and it doesn't seem like much but i feel like my life is heading towards a downward spiral. i've started junior college (high school i think? 17years old this year) for a month and i'm breaking down inside almost every other day.
i can already see visions of myself with failings grades, dropping out of school and losing my future. i don't know what to do.
tuition is affordable... but expensive still. i feel hopeless and lost and bursting into tears but haven't yet. the weight is so heavy that i just want to end it all.",1.918505747126435,4.252339931034484,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,80.72413793103449,4.55632183908046,24.32183908045977,5.46131890053228,0.4385942528735631,456,17,90,2,12,144,81,116,0.197,0.77,0.033,-0.9579,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,0,1,22,23,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,7,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,2,4,10,2,12,21,2,18,0,4,1,0,1,7,0,3,11,56,17,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970371931508308,0.0,0.2171410966036469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690066886234355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428022378475194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657875999433123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898611463733454,0.1405728565790401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194326115625494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789879538213504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627979863009256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898479572307354,0.19226421586551384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201358138054073,0.21479820226456697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570603045856331,0.0,0.14464892945626115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647749835362195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042794923642364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982844229958824,0.15680058137480754,0.1791324374159311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392751449925488,0.0,0.1571411442484569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608256609769036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606031598193872,0.0,0.0,0.2396134110976965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267137254425532
suicidewatch,mari-g0ld,2018/03/10,"Increasing intensity of suicidal thoughts with antidepressants I started 25 mg of Zoloft 2.5 months ago and I've noticed an overall decrease in the frequency in my suicidal thoughts, but when I do think about suicide now, it's much more intense.  Before I started the medication, I would briefly think ""I should kill myself"" so many times throughout the day, think about this for about 30 seconds and picture myself doing it, and then move on to thinking about something else.  I typically had these thoughts in response to minor bad things happening (ie social embarrassment, making a mistake at work) and thinking about killing myself brought some relief.

After I started the Zoloft, I noticed that these kinds of suicidal thoughts decreased (the brief and frequent kind), but now when I think about suicide it's much more intense and I think about it for much longer.  I think about it with much more seriousness and try to think of all the steps I would have to take to do it successfully.  Ultimately I can kind of get myself out of that crisis mode by thinking about the impact it would have on my family, but it's scaring me. Last night I self harmed (cutting) for the first time in over a year just to kind of get used to the idea of hurting myself. I think it comes from a place of: I'm doing everything I can to fight my depression - medicine, therapy, I eat relatively well and exercise - what else am I supposed to do in order to not wanna quit life?

Not sure what to do - change meds, increase dosage, stop meds altogether? Also I'm totally new to Reddit lol so if there's a more appropriate subreddit for this please let me know.  Thanks for your help!",6.9464392250985805,7.706963273615633,6.547409566260932,76.89988342190985,64.47231270358306,9.590193725355736,35.05040288016458,9.549672527348893,3.265264495114007,1323,58,237,24,19,412,164,307,0.225,0.6859999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9955,0,0,1,0,1,5,37.0,0,1,0,4,19,21,4,2,14,1,17,6,0,2,3,49,47,18,7,7,7,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,18,12,1,1,17,1,0,7,2,12,1,2,6,0,29,9,51,36,13,40,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,2,21,167,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658148941095087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937476538009314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061992586475022635,0.0,0.0,0.06317816056770316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854277521061237,0.06395664134153682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788274230077932,0.0,0.0639482575003718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597253389819038,0.12404656766281555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672781633706516,0.0,0.06999283464958103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315389260668654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775812887900573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565578674280961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049765751716654066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948223468005082,0.08381507224508626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642851330924222,0.3092645204044113,0.040803842704339836,0.06052067061981041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592190545755248,0.052442380461787945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956000356303295,0.0752741278645499,0.0,0.0,0.16494187582968992,0.07479536901480335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926271435427715,0.07891210155502779,0.21831838950355706,0.0,0.0,0.07170757071265121,0.0,0.06967515358915055,0.0,0.0,0.16905988360224602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757161507243678,0.0815001774729727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897011391419068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433353134051014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745511745700921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568478605558009,0.0,0.0571584542065254,0.0,0.0,0.15765580913878405,0.0,0.0,0.062073258609741264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060671861513687,0.0,0.06997628983492514,0.0,0.05582400206797904,0.0,0.0,0.06835604777671693,0.08490715199494599,0.0,0.04932596429925272,0.5233145721547074,0.0,0.2357731788509101,0.08658726725998814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040838619878876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641249929014314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675636966084661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054052214424506334,0.0,0.0,0.15822739340791794,0.0,0.0,0.04781220395236165
suicidewatch,Ellimity,2018/03/10,"Can’t I just delete and remake i’m so tired and angry at everything. Everything wrong just gets under my skin. I’m not good enough to do anything in my life. I’m 22 and have nothing going for me. I can’t handle doing this anymore. The only thing I used to live for was my geriatric cat, but even now I don’t really care and after years of my parents wanting to put her down i’ve said yes and idk what to do anymore. I’m in constant anxiety and I’m so depressed, even on meds. I have to wait another week to see anyone and it’s just really hard. I think i’m falling out of love with my 3 year boyfriend and idk what to feel or do. I just don’t care about anything anymore I just want to end it. ",0.7934398496240647,2.4403625921052665,3.0061278195488725,92.84789473684212,80.97368421052632,5.9218045112781965,22.04135338345865,6.868970318607317,0.4655774436090221,542,17,125,6,14,185,88,152,0.147,0.726,0.127,0.4257,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,1,1,11,4,1,1,0,24,30,12,0,2,8,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,5,15,4,22,28,1,17,0,1,1,1,4,7,0,1,7,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287627379688296,0.11153095512706987,0.0,0.4337613097125902,0.10194158964068073,0.0,0.23994980758713305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972905849950655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575500282719639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557096983777066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912898763769745,0.1506427491204961,0.0,0.19258930080519926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620580119029262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371712917012534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617062649889265,0.0,0.0828573056483686,0.12228393243935015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306015507893647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297763899430384,0.0,0.0,0.12873755436497422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158353153118812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194273405084486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398919507869605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108818570567912,0.0,0.0,0.16188545094105616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656185113286566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867969710081641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868216764361252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617784217983533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685813839735047,0.09341802394668644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756716954743414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591801347247164,0.0,0.0,0.1719845290785108,0.0,0.11694604556187255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594013428881788,0.0,0.18777133435870205
suicidewatch,HermannUY,2018/03/10,"Not sure what to say to my psychiatrist There are several things that I think might be troubling:

(1) I cannot talk to people without feeling extremely anxious

(2) There are times when I consider suicide daily, (2.1) At some point stopped eating in order to die, an idea I got from a pro-suicide book, got back to normal life after a few days (2.2) At some point I took some sleeping pills, just enough to sleep, and repeated once I woke up; I think I slept two or three days like that. 

(3) Can't help but procrastinate everything. It's been like this since I remember, but only in adulthood this has been troublesome.

(4) Can't stick to anything. Ever. I jump from task to task, thus having a long series of accumulated and unfinished businesses.

(5) Due to the above my academic life is impossible. I just postpone my exams to the point I can no longer take them. This has delayed me at least 4 years.

Because of this, medical appointments is something it's been hard to stick on. I went to the psychiatrist two years ago, I was put on therapy for a year and I was prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, took them until I had no more but postponed my new visit to the doctor for about 8 months. When back at the psychiatrist (a different doctor) she ordered a psychodiagnostic and gave me anti-anxiety pills again. I made an appointment for the psychodiagnostic and missed the date, as often happens. Had plans to visit to doctor againd, but postponed until 8 months later. The appointment was yesterday, after waiting for about three hours in the reception room; I told him I missed a psychodiagonistic and he gave me an order to make another appointment. He asked if I felt there was something wrong with me, I said ""No"", he asked if I had thought about suicide, I a said ""No"", he asked me if everything was alright, and I said ""Yes"". He told me there was nothing to do, thus I left.

At this point, I'm not sure what should I do. I find it hard to talk to anyone about these matter, even doctors. I should have a psychodiagnostic next week, and have an appointment with the very first psychiatrist I had (out of three). Not sure what I will tell her. Not sure if I should go either.

Not sure how I will explain her about my behaviior. Why I make appointments every 6-8 monthsand why I never come back. What can I tell her?",4.323334408255402,6.111008589164786,5.115134472750729,80.93337246049661,71.46049661399549,8.49400838439213,27.55556272170268,9.081645337920577,2.249897310544986,1827,66,350,38,35,592,213,443,0.14400000000000002,0.8320000000000001,0.024,-0.9932,1,0,2,0,0,3,80.0,0,0,2,2,21,12,0,0,23,2,36,13,3,6,7,66,70,24,3,8,18,0,4,2,0,6,9,4,1,0,16,13,1,3,9,1,0,9,14,4,0,6,30,8,53,8,53,33,8,64,0,2,0,0,31,18,0,10,36,239,69,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551418830549642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749804251543795,0.11307746437761874,0.08349399058322224,0.0,0.05167756547076361,0.0,0.06081924921412475,0.0,0.2072794962549873,0.0,0.0,0.17049000265131667,0.0,0.04505308455486798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366442582532658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532793566323136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670390541853657,0.07721719324749125,0.0,0.30258821020417864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562541821567187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636579494012166,0.0,0.04881494508968112,0.06685320673667558,0.06226992262074413,0.0,0.13284587885068014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736965239048681,0.0,0.07096240992302844,0.0,0.06754975402206892,0.06286534481959748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200311033472371,0.0,0.11822052505823115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535580789443972,0.0,0.1324124965147166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049538373847484635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278360988648938,0.0,0.0,0.08343212429646736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030028463370388,0.0,0.10440554635081244,0.07221455554442716,0.0,0.0,0.06540546122819871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993268870665527,0.09866713149905428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209413126600243,0.0744536317548669,0.0,0.0784037577922727,0.0,0.0,0.11798389043187785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057001714754042934,0.07137994148834467,0.07860104345261111,0.0,0.07241326985540109,0.07091585947509185,0.0,0.0,0.07870865358370918,0.0,0.056209682895562066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123788007017165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794644082803496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429705269587553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372234138680003,0.0,0.21090774108853724,0.05877389543308795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349399058322224,0.0,0.061136720078800035,0.0,0.14792095744773362,0.0,0.0,0.11379459870912045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061789648199203386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425271281659053,0.0,0.3482828538428763,0.0,0.05556894427821638,0.11880746112265213,0.12919613278744832,0.0,0.08451921437455644,0.0,0.049100595802440916,0.09471337587868547,0.0,0.05867398499085466,0.043095826627711886,0.0,0.0,0.14124280998648875,0.16422702364988498,0.0,0.0,0.1443930027709268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098110089336373,0.0,0.0,0.0592838207386445,0.0,0.0,0.06851262575640325,0.1333793315053758,0.0,0.0,0.07124381077586196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080581598017637,0.0,0.14278125531086736
suicidewatch,PAJAMASAM17,2018/03/10,I sat on the edge today I’m not going to tell my story since dozens of other people here have told the same kind of story but I just climbed up a crane and sat on the ledge wanting to jump down and I eventually got off and came back home. I guess being up there made me really question how bad my life really was and I found a sliver of hope thinking about my future and finding a person who makes all of this worth it. I want to seek help and get my life back on track and try and build a future for myself that I can be proud of. ,5.150289855072465,3.8741045652173938,6.045000000000003,85.86083333333333,68.56521739130434,8.710144927536232,24.38405797101449,7.1686216300943375,0.7814057971014501,415,6,96,3,6,138,78,115,0.044,0.823,0.133,0.8605,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,7,0,5,2,0,3,1,25,21,10,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,5,9,0,0,4,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,8,0,13,3,17,11,2,16,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,5,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30524978931726066,0.16572905297500284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22701720765871095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141428702280046,0.0,0.0,0.2176316681608078,0.0,0.0,0.10370170250064327,0.0,0.11280521186834278,0.0,0.1587488553836428,0.0,0.21865673006985067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304221313484388,0.0,0.19909948412689807,0.19714320812800076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669453800754967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803956583804962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781399051668587,0.1324921724188508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760647416203944,0.17331192315457247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235180341150326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543127817885485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419118980632433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348711816241882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718299130253422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881432608144046,0.1896636341741851,0.0,0.13476021217616752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341465377007532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,433487114,2018/03/10,"Overworked, underappreciated Title. I'm working way too much, and my SO isn't pulling his/her weight (I'm trying not to be too identifiable here). My work usually consists of one day off a week, lots of doubles, and lots of morning shifts directly after night shifts. The job itself is miserable as hell too. I have no free time, and no time to get enough sleep. My employer won't budge on the schedule

On top of that, my SO won't put in the effort to get a driver's license and is constantly needing rides to work (especially on my day off), which further cuts into my limited time off. They know what I'm going through and still won't put in the effort to lighten the load. Instead, they leave me to pay all the bills and spend everything they make on stuff they want, not that I'd have time to enjoy my money anyways.

The obvious answer is to get a new job and end the relationship, maybe find someone else who actually tries, but I don't have the energy left to do either. All I can ever think about anymore is how much I want to die. It doesn't help that I've been with my SO for 4 years now, and that there's a bit of a lost cost fallacy at play, which still works somehow even when I'm aware of it. I don't want those 4 years to be for nothing. I guess they still will be if I kill myself. Nothing makes sense.

I don't want to do this anymore. I'm getting worked like a dog, I'm tired **all the time**, and all the while someone I'm kind of starting to hate benefits from my suffering like a fucking parasite that's about to kill their host.",3.3850647403570946,4.387259075235111,4.615368679296719,86.6758866021535,72.66771159874608,7.804879378492572,26.722229794193808,8.18289091462,1.4966245331879522,1211,41,264,18,23,400,170,319,0.161,0.7659999999999999,0.073,-0.9859,3,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,6,10,21,16,6,1,18,0,23,4,1,3,6,39,49,18,3,6,5,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,15,11,1,1,4,1,6,5,12,9,0,1,2,1,25,8,41,40,12,45,1,3,0,1,9,14,2,5,27,169,40,9,0.0,0.0,0.09488395380672454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928551146305033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615165511137553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507274882087084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541259455700138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091098400763826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122447226790898,0.0,0.08611828149042319,0.10046616883305268,0.0,0.06422051284611804,0.08795149137521861,0.0,0.0,0.08738543548098128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886786286365009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988898872660422,0.2031978589513395,0.0,0.055258922894870735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711149943565057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599601238706416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517224936345754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297459380907772,0.0,0.21514457817433344,0.10125168287331117,0.053435909636317384,0.0,0.0,0.10295415802845778,0.10564234890342683,0.0,0.0,0.09500483475905687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613970790571857,0.1653255506001476,0.0,0.0,0.12980561125867338,0.0,0.0976821472215117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295273386368626,0.0720959522987935,0.0,0.09390682384023426,0.0,0.09124521036079758,0.0,0.1865925632425366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658866055046802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954890994271669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439028231479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730175595332533,0.0,0.16476793069721926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688209819830241,0.0,0.23294769194517995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130684685177346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623020425521497,0.0,0.0,0.2834824542437201,0.1117533478704869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202766167631436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708680068729014,0.0,0.229398717640952,0.0771778679186012,0.07799327366482857,0.11840181712916364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35392858297186464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252278432903497
suicidewatch,tillmyheadfallsoff,2018/03/10,"I am making preparations to die shortly. I've lost track of how many times I've attempted, but hopefully this is my last try. ",3.66,5.351617599999997,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,73.0,9.8,28.5,10.125756701596842,2.9961999999999995,100,4,20,3,2,33,22,25,0.154,0.713,0.133,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170059770310175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990790302203209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275214232087373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386132295931308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682052716032097,0.407363124639994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23429338037989056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727964878842363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ta334674,2018/03/10,"Need help with my depressed wife My wife has been depressed for most of her life. It's fluctuated at times, but I have never seen it get anywhere near this bad, moreso since we have been married. We have a newborn together. My wife is happy. She loves our child and she loves me and recognizes my love for her. But she has deep-seated self-esteem issues (for lack of better term) stemming from feelings of being ugly and having a negative body image. At the worst of times, she does not want to hurt herself, but she wants to die, or at least stop existing, just anything to get away from the torment. My words and my actions that I can give to her help to comfort her, but I am realizing that there seems to be no way they will make her feelings go away, even if they do comfort her.

I don't know what to do to help her. I'm open to any advice. I've commented on a few other places already in hopes of reaching somebody (and written this out each time). I'm still looking for other places to hopefully find help and advice.",5.586764705882351,5.5746525784313725,5.847843137254902,83.41529411764708,67.33333333333334,8.368627450980393,30.235294117647058,7.793537801064563,1.8460764705882349,802,27,162,8,12,256,126,204,0.155,0.628,0.218,0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,2,1,4,14,0,0,5,0,17,5,1,1,1,37,39,12,1,7,8,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,12,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,4,29,9,31,32,7,22,0,3,2,3,32,12,0,6,7,117,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519369871129349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225441202955505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766261751034594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608121645884487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422287107048965,0.0,0.1076337250492019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400963500570742,0.0,0.1431889643716141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220584607465539,0.0,0.13378730745746908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112809233732061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514325354878703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036064191684782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782059414986387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469938231979064,0.12366136778116567,0.07326201978711311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722614813879902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456202453688789,0.0,0.0,0.2560716721426912,0.0,0.0,0.13799987192493746,0.0,0.0,0.13454762262232034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084507739258986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105231900307902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825118856304776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34903652304143923,0.0,0.08604783410819943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558447409359927,0.09942265515412907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693651729370318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735401523986028,0.1344803191810739,0.0,0.0,0.10663495061291883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294698438186067,0.10777379086773227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255038218346879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206786986169965,0.102322053894116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tracesoares,2018/03/10,"I don’t want to kill myself, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel completely trapped in my whole life and have been trying to figure out what options do I have left and what can I do to make my situation better. 

I’ve attempt suicide in the past, I’ve been suicidal for several years and god knows how and why I’m still here. 

To be honest, this is the first time in years that I felt some stability, and I know I’m getting it when everything is falling apart but I’m still kind of motivated and can keep my thoughts organized without falling into depressive or anxious episodes as often or at all. 

Although anxiety has become more and more frequent, the worst are still the suicidal thoughts that came back to haunt me. And this is where I’m like “I totally know this is wrong, but shit is gonna get bad and there’s no way out”. 

I guess I just need advice, or simply to talk to someone, since I’m not in the best situation to worry anyone close to me about all this.

a) I’m 24 hours away from becoming an illegal immigrant in a foreign country. I met my boyfriend two months ago, decided to stay with him. He’s kind of aware of my situation but I don’t want to make him feel like I’m with him for his money or because I’m seeking residency, so I’d rather not put I’m into that. Plus, it’s been two months. I’m still fucked. 

b) I’m in debt and due to my situation here I can’t get a decent job or study or anything. I’m underpaid and the working conditions won’t help, or the working environment. It deteriorates my mental health and it’s still not enough. Plus, since I’m a bartender I’m always surrounded by alcohol and drugs, which are the things I want to avoid the most. 

c) I own a house back in my country and if I don’t get my shit together I might lose it. I miss home and I wanna go back, and I always thought I would be back by now. He doesn’t wanna go back with me, he has his own business and everything he knows is here. 

d) I have a very hard time engaging in healthy relationships or finding people I can bond in a certain way. My rational side tells me to just leave and go back to my own country, where I can study or work. But what if this could actually lead somewhere? What if we’re actually supposed to be together?

Due to all this mess, I’ve been feeling down and idealizing suicide. Not for love, not for anything other than realizing that even in my happiest moment in years, things are still fucked and I’m still trapped. I’ve been meeting amazing people but feeling completely useless around them, like I’m the only one that’s not supposed to be there. It’s hard to enjoy a party, a trip, a dinner with someone when you don’t feel like you belong there. 

I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense, but it’s 5 in the morning, I’m sleepless, I don’t know what to do and I feel like none of the options I have lead to any kind of happiness or true fulfillment. 

EDIT - f/21 
I don’t have a close relationship to my family, can’t reach out to them for help except for a return ticket if I need it badly. I’ve been having some health issues that I can’t take care of because I don’t pay taxes, therefore there’s no free healthcare for me. I have mood instability disorder, untreated, I can’t afford therapy and I feel super stupid because at least back home I just had to worry about not being a piece of shit, not if I could afford to see a doctor or get a job or anything. ",3.4979574468085097,4.419220504964539,5.006304964539009,84.28350000000002,72.31914893617021,8.249929078014183,27.858865248226948,8.608573733854374,1.8764916312056736,2676,97,572,46,50,902,283,705,0.202,0.669,0.13,-0.9967,5,3,2,0,0,3,68.0,0,2,2,13,39,40,7,1,28,0,56,13,3,8,6,134,119,55,5,18,39,0,10,5,0,4,6,0,2,0,31,37,2,3,23,1,6,10,27,17,0,4,13,11,65,23,80,95,19,77,0,4,1,3,22,30,5,26,39,376,96,13,0.0,0.0,0.10809470088254147,0.0,0.0,0.05412116024785476,0.04909507908398071,0.0591892611951246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216879705843814,0.0,0.0,0.11299021928599333,0.0,0.04236904401797685,0.0625687988624066,0.0,0.03872617869924636,0.0,0.13673034470360418,0.04930400900127357,0.0,0.0,0.05203562612588645,0.2981112064313234,0.09248760411427998,0.10128575838645977,0.12233581117659012,0.0,0.0,0.05812268865800337,0.04898315087952821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334519280766979,0.056468259719623076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116139334618881,0.0,0.0,0.08844014400921503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047702648492295066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347551485824245,0.056688453654427685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422851709910977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057227065447467085,0.0,0.07316197152539569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955215956797378,0.0,0.05221164295600835,0.0,0.19602871695939605,0.1187002423965812,0.05317787211092792,0.0,0.05062049308086575,0.047110086462002584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240428396173984,0.1446807580609143,0.0,0.09442898143103856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101234733620785,0.0,0.0,0.05895790402769716,0.09922739113829387,0.0,0.0,0.11774241480489082,0.0,0.0,0.07424621886157187,0.0,0.11111047783555107,0.0,0.05454264451437929,0.06390635704496203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057807101119664264,0.1099212783555182,0.0492283500746108,0.06127482016513248,0.17302351875542593,0.1826274655551363,0.0,0.0,0.058644262123441024,0.0601754967362864,0.0,0.03911975930311048,0.13529051519862614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061961166365424335,0.0,0.0,0.049986736266482666,0.0,0.110908890483709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581461939339459,0.05875427581188484,0.0,0.0,0.08841486983519252,0.0,0.0,0.0821339129106543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753001760814942,0.04212246077406678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287083841342166,0.07679337374708957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567678959558548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189246009377681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413433116952031,0.0,0.0,0.0625687988624066,0.17055439385973334,0.0916293763179254,0.24901830623702476,0.0,0.0,0.0938543318927809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903258185850777,0.3096113208170233,0.046303979998432346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423269186982488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164230351493902,0.04451601897580262,0.048408554853545366,0.0,0.06333708195369094,0.0,0.0735900938816689,0.03548819575838917,0.0,0.13190748482752554,0.06459037564843123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760248710280648,0.0,0.10820535327638874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569807011921298,0.09800176203955747,0.08792338654444062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997595938981912,0.0618348938690543,0.0,0.053388748525358035,0.0,0.12096187851126652,0.1124914373696636,0.0,0.03934360906052895,0.060554332253850415,0.0,0.10699754057105476
suicidewatch,jdizzle46,2018/03/10,"my fam only reason i wouldnt do it is because of the suffering it would cause my family 

have good lucky and blessed life, still been miserable for years 

guess i gotta tough it out and sludge through til whenever it ends ",8.517045454545453,6.507356613636367,7.739999999999997,78.755,62.40909090909091,12.436363636363636,35.63636363636364,11.20814326018867,3.5813545454545457,177,6,37,4,2,55,37,44,0.152,0.6609999999999999,0.187,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,9,8,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,5,4,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656772759728356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481056249038155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001320207119855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31944985982309143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284222190656404,0.0,0.0,0.3732957765847602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393489443766608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577205662924044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34840758132990624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706164138194625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071853877324045,0.0,0.0,0.2182166492739184
suicidewatch,Kilo_Merit,2018/03/10,"Tired of Living for Someone Else Long story short: had an unsuccessful suicide attempt, was hospitalized for two weeks, and now I can't finish the job because I thought with my heart strings and promised someone I wouldn't when they asked me to promise them I wouldn't. Anyone else get a feeling like that?",13.312631578947368,8.743555438596495,10.844298245614038,68.0759210526316,56.017543859649116,12.803508771929824,49.55263157894736,8.841846274778883,4.7754631578947375,248,12,44,2,2,74,47,57,0.163,0.6920000000000001,0.145,-0.4767,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,9,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,8,3,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290841932982214,0.2387205044358263,0.0,0.0,0.21780937747854792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202539775057085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389257880577833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780413698635407,0.1664444183272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172496432550245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760881606261727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312015064367731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382462572665035,0.0,0.20572988476938328,0.20618425436956594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948146026658449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25484760317293004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184963940610738,0.0,0.26778180346965336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22759233750094396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688638755300865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,venuswasaflytrap,2018/03/10,"I don't want to wake up tomorrow Fiancee of 10 years. Moved to my home city, to settle down.

She decided she didn't love me anymore and left.

Now I'm here. I wake up, go to work, and at the end of the day and the end of the week I go back to this horrible empty flat, in this horrible dead city to just sit in the dark until the morning comes.

I don't know if I'm suicidal, but I don't want to live this life. The thought of doing this makes me think that I'd rather be dead. I'm a non-drinker, non-drug using, massively left wing, yet conservative in values - and I just feel like I don't relate to anyone, especially no one in this town. I feel trapped and alone here.",3.3541762452107307,3.2463528620689672,4.853333333333335,88.9622222222222,72.10344827586206,8.651340996168582,25.766283524904214,8.515128840125781,1.297122605363985,515,14,126,8,9,174,83,145,0.218,0.737,0.045,-0.9721,0,2,2,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,8,0,7,4,2,2,0,22,23,8,3,4,5,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,2,13,2,21,20,0,26,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,11,72,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258660918198575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441098666658634,0.13001954328606086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298295000051436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017820293917082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992142571372168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215877869089592,0.21564127263942307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32939042949640057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804233877150373,0.13284167474243594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135768190955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865215477967554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219245508048594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040672674381924,0.0,0.13134095355889164,0.0908450644390771,0.0,0.16419596831182595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678258180390861,0.0,0.12412209493605605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763387119937167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260035436706894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339752302799416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914831670809485,0.0,0.14762237078679835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059983624824212,0.0,0.0,0.21935453431592086,0.0,0.14915670323231586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353727523802473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974476374944648
suicidewatch,chknnoodsoup,2018/03/10,"Its probably going to take an attempt for everyone to understand.. I'm sick and tired of having to repeatedly reach out for help. Day in and day out I'm trying to save myself. No one takes me seriously. I come across happy but if you spent any alone time with me - you'd realize its not always like that. People just think I'm in a ""mood"". I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I just don't want to be here. I'm scared of killing myself but I'm tired of fighting to exist. ",-0.0050343642611672115,2.2398073195876296,2.6470360824742265,90.48196305841928,89.20618556701031,6.119931271477665,18.392611683848802,7.492282038375204,0.5468426116838496,358,10,79,7,12,124,63,97,0.333,0.602,0.065,-0.9839,0,1,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,2,0,1,3,9,2,1,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,17,19,5,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,8,3,17,16,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294890448316604,0.0,0.0,0.15501515006531186,0.0,0.0,0.12668926547470305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604795313156496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029404550818925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801605570531973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587764474323524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983180562635544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487185605027774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061115203033543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101596282148018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126240582434692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915581775336665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086112922062432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651714693490148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28014634602817823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193724593702988,0.0,0.0,0.1086320652266751,0.6423676382840003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264843497387678,0.0,0.0,0.1939431510324284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988359281427892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jayvee2410,2018/03/10,"Body dysmorphia, I need a solution so that it stops isolating me. What to do? How to solve it after so many years? How to stop letting it turn itself into a phobia?",0.8213636363636354,3.2413765151515186,3.360833333333337,85.66125000000002,86.87878787878788,6.936363636363637,20.37121212121212,8.07648339933343,1.3583393939393944,127,4,25,3,4,44,26,33,0.198,0.6890000000000001,0.113,-0.4773,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,6,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867023184790364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559942157332617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529568173065393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581395703558964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821171342739151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786736669725935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418915787112345
suicidewatch,needathroway,2018/03/10,"Apparently my plan won't work - just another failed idea I've known how I want to kill myself for a while.  Had a bad day and looked into the details - turns out modern cars have enough pollution control that they don't produce enough CO to really do the trick in a timely manner.

Nothing I want to do, anything I try to plan, never works out.

I have no real friends. Joining groups that do things I'm interested in didn't work, everyone already has their little cliques.  I'm wasting time and all my savings getting a Master's degree and don't have any internship offers for the summer after 20 applications - and I'm in engineering for christ's sake I'm supposed to be desirable.  I'm almost 27 and have only had one girlfriend in my entire life for 4 months before she got bored and left.  I'm too old for anyone to want to have the patience for teaching me how to be an exciting person or be in a relationship.  I'm going to die alone and a penniless failure, might as well end it now while people think marginally highly of me.",5.979264705882351,6.064640161764707,6.831176470588236,76.36529411764708,66.5,9.349019607843136,31.70588235294117,9.075114841892004,2.655341176470588,819,30,153,13,12,273,129,204,0.139,0.777,0.083,-0.9274,1,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,9,6,10,2,0,11,0,19,1,0,4,2,29,35,13,2,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,4,1,13,5,26,26,3,26,1,1,1,0,9,11,0,3,13,95,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593576940653924,0.1509408372827611,0.16082574307874656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910698304668547,0.1528192244514547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019035477600378,0.0,0.11993013236135372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168532113981095,0.0,0.0,0.12401248592524855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634577992910311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939890913613153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512532569596639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908080014569767,0.3011730665337378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392591088812317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259698256075595,0.0,0.07614220165392034,0.0,0.0828263855131914,0.0,0.11656016311666036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153980424597094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645207042072534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123774079746267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583449958559814,0.0,0.10293921048769217,0.0,0.1460679771574432,0.0,0.0,0.12238339459160405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460521415760956,0.0,0.0,0.11632685193289423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240229505642838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983974684435474,0.0,0.15292773971007112,0.0,0.09875598549158016,0.1108404789069459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103652738455274,0.12725298701612295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588199360447212,0.09336363168190506,0.0,0.0,0.15646830075363374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682199352504473,0.09338316283328413,0.0,0.0,0.1699622490730485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894668074884487,0.1585213269709817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25788052356325714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103615677627825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31829746641789425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SelfishAndDone001,2018/03/10,"Selfish I feel so selfish. I'm self-centered as hell, every single conversation becomes about me. People mention that I make things about myself and I can't help but feel bad. I've been struggling with depression for a long time, and sometimes when I screw up badly with being so self-centered and selfish, I just want to end the misery other people seem to endure being subjected to my presence in their life. I don't feel like anyone really loves me, they're pretending to give a damn in some vague feeling of responsibility. I hate the feeling that my life is completely set in front of me. Someone close to a dear friend of mine died of brain cancer - I mentioned, like an idiot, that I was glad that I myself had recently been told that I didn't have a tumour in my head, after a few days of waiting anxiously. They told me to fuck off, and that I was disgusting for making it all about me. I can't say anything in response to that - they're right, it was disgusting and celf-centered and a stupid thing to ever even try to bring up. In the end, it brought back feelings of wanting to end it all. Maybe then they'd be rid of the selfish jerk they're constantly forced to be around. I feel hopeless. I feel like I've ruined another friendship. I feel like my life is a mistake.",5.31625,5.847467667984192,5.8282583992094885,81.44064846837945,67.97233201581028,8.380335968379446,30.43700592885376,8.278499904357787,2.1266365612648226,1012,37,196,13,16,327,137,253,0.368,0.546,0.086,-0.9983,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,3,0,11,29,10,1,12,0,18,9,2,2,3,32,42,12,1,3,2,0,9,4,1,0,4,1,0,0,14,10,0,1,10,1,0,3,4,21,0,0,10,10,31,8,37,27,5,29,1,3,0,3,13,12,4,2,17,131,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254534861100818,0.0,0.12125287261599008,0.0,0.07504795518050282,0.0,0.08832382577534029,0.0955468673137816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253050081560379,0.17923290656239346,0.0,0.11853806368881245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981629285300024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125339482480468,0.1159861004926188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921926930895657,0.0,0.09244357037764513,0.0,0.11139207514093448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851887981410404,0.0,0.0,0.07089075845304063,0.09708654843048632,0.09043054407388534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884255624172122,0.230030712311587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292324935121903,0.09922528340243517,0.0,0.10296116002102346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059666113675051,0.11015201972076996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194134681759197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274320401441282,0.209744970704713,0.0,0.0,0.09498408212730076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686993318087468,0.0,0.14328783477075802,0.0,0.10782787612498987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881885754566684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875864285365275,0.0,0.10597588361834437,0.0,0.0,0.09165962882804088,0.0,0.08535349198563487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770962232605336,0.2239381613081223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094075287013192,0.0,0.10615257218896168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220510371006948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261118067577272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258525601506923,0.0,0.0,0.20511771359336164,0.0,0.07287033891680551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661257564766554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Plastic02,2018/03/10,"It's been 2 months tw obciously So it's been around 2 months or so since I last self harmed.

I remember days when I would frantically look for my knife, when I would cut deep and manically, days when I felt absolutely nothing but pain, it was hell. Sometimes I'd think I'd actually do it, I'd press hard against my throat but maybe I'm too scared.

I started dating someone when I stopped cutting, he's a good distraction. He keeps my mind busy so I'm not always alone with my thoughts. My thoughts can be a lot, overwhelming, desperate, scary but when I'm with him it's hard to think.

I can't say that I've stopped thinking about suicide because then I'd be lying, I still constantly think about it but I have stopped hurting myself, for now at least.

I don't know if this is something to celebrate or be proud of since I could relapse any day, but for now I've found temporary peace.

",2.9128333333333347,4.63234239444445,3.7088888888888896,89.845,75.05555555555556,7.466666666666668,28.11111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.7315111111111112,701,29,153,12,15,223,107,180,0.26,0.622,0.118,-0.977,0,1,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,15,12,3,4,2,0,15,2,1,0,0,32,30,18,1,4,9,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,4,10,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,7,6,19,2,13,17,2,24,1,2,1,0,5,3,1,4,21,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.13080498804094692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882637790556532,0.0,0.0,0.11153311215577516,0.0,0.0,0.09115269087679156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932518902642987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171034168058171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485104279001254,0.0,0.1070210832262308,0.0,0.0,0.25933667822214124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287006831735707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469693836450318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242749572679916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014938022323015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349400033744222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914207986536067,0.0,0.0,0.07366560140583274,0.10926156222581626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256094568438156,0.0,0.0,0.11395713290555695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466251759650333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534351756961185,0.0,0.2139809980879855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286162571449455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262941009498067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518426804424997,0.0,0.0,0.10659503395128793,0.1341987403121617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983432518288624,0.0,0.0,0.2217607223223551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135727714734727,0.10319155318436732,0.13257028825959805,0.0,0.09487513287644743,0.0,0.1070455675470807,0.3361936246916298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661944315275624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435530499734697,0.0,0.21282766357652366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904382091122979,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatemylifex,2018/03/10,"having suicidal thoughts but not sure many bad things happened recently in my life, like today i just loss my dog because 2 asshole decide to took his life. but thats not only the reason why i wanted to end my life, it just happened at the wrong time.

other problems like depression and anxiety are the most impact in my life.

when i heard someone just commited suicide, i used to call them coward, idiot, etc. For me it was really stupid to run from the problem you have with suicide. 

that was before i experienced the ""bad"" thing in my life, as i grew older, it seems now i understand why all those suicidal people took this option.

it seems really make sense that i just want to end all the pain i have, just because im tired of it. If life has ""start over"" option, i would definitely take it right now. 

whenever everyone leave the house and im alone, the thought of ending my life always haunt me, probably hanging my self  or take a poison are the fastest way because i dont have gun.

i remember preparing the rope and when its ready i just sitting there thinking about it. should i do it or not, i asked my self everytime that thoughts happen.

i understand what might happen to my closest people, they would sad, other people might think im stupid enough to do it.

i wanted to continue, but im afraid the more i go on, the more pain and problem keep coming again.

i understand im still in griefing process right now, and it will slowly disappear, but it wont go away, the pain is still there. and i couldnt live in this way.

it just too painful when losing someone you loved so much. 

some people might be able to get over it, but im not. ",3.4715999999999987,5.116423560000001,4.3526923076923065,86.1198076923077,73.4,7.584615384615384,25.73076923076923,8.263242389622931,1.585461538461538,1287,43,258,21,26,415,167,325,0.28,0.653,0.067,-0.9982,0,1,0,1,0,3,41.0,0,2,2,2,21,24,4,1,14,0,23,14,0,3,4,64,55,19,5,11,19,0,0,2,0,8,13,1,0,2,26,8,0,1,13,0,0,9,7,20,0,0,8,2,36,4,26,37,9,44,0,5,0,1,11,13,0,12,21,172,62,0,0.06393902778962654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622154978819675,0.0,0.0,0.05320239316969248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891318125024924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059774359849000924,0.0,0.060072821352442324,0.0,0.10677283493872636,0.11692991363986943,0.0,0.0544074033170533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528889618507881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055077810892328466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507059094443013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493606437641136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698930015381235,0.06606610768617231,0.07130891750412474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061096481099827814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033405503034028006,0.0,0.07267604593663679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261642844499389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377705345103118,0.0,0.0,0.4143907320303141,0.0,0.0,0.05683194572028812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770219836241585,0.0,0.0,0.31613418360657536,0.06247475858593603,0.0,0.056459332955532564,0.0,0.0,0.07153141712668659,0.0,0.0,0.05770746892645195,0.0,0.042679797544263334,0.06482413855144148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348761285205086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700254234420406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862851183694999,0.2721425344192389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730908477971768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893708624480674,0.1835430433210579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192195690882473,0.0657399695977767,0.06313207628046881,0.0,0.07243045431709087,0.1092071607508572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164153790354698,0.13340470113678846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835066151232577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525637296186764,0.0,0.10212358037241001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797556747108273,0.0,0.06026177700441083,0.0,0.09614838317522012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495649792640303,0.08193909452561225,0.0,0.1522813380187601,0.03728336128817217,0.0734885066332187,0.0606067221502803,0.0,0.14207722499242253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996883485797801,0.0,0.05522279091605714,0.0,0.0,0.11313868558022674,0.10150364828527246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539005500110612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908409016828458,0.06990728957121822,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dolfii,2018/03/10,"I’m so lonely I want to die. I’m 13. I already have multiple failed suicide attempts. I came pretty close last time, which was November. It’s not that nobody cares about me, my family does, and I think some of my friends do. But nobody’s ever there. I’m a girl. I like girls, I think. And boys. And I go to school and listen to them saying homophobic and racist slurs and I can’t do shit. I just want it to be over. I miss my old friends. I loved them so much. They were always there for me and knew just what to do. But one day, they just didn’t anymore. Nobody ever hugs me. I can go hours without talking and my friends won’t notice. They care about me the way you care about something your mom wants you to throw away. You don’t use it or take care of it, but you’d feel bad about getting rid of it. I want to try again. This time, I won’t fail. I can do it this time. I can be free. Everybody thinks that because I’m 13 I’m dumb and so I can’t have an opinion. I’m always wrong. I cant love people because I’m too young. I’ve tried reaching out a little bit, when I’m scared asking my friends if they can comfort me but it’s just a joke to them. I’m so lonely. I try and show people my art, but they don’t want to see it. They don’t want to hear me play my viola. I tried telling my friend the story of when I got run over once. It was really traumatic so it’s hard to talk about. She just interupted me after a while. Im only 13. I don’t need help. I should just get over it. It’s not bad enough, or i’d already be dead. I cant be lonely, I’m too young for that. I just want to die so badly. I haven’t seen a real point in living for years. I’m just 13. I don’t even want to get better. I don’t know why my life had to turn out like this, either. I’m not sure where I went wrong, but I must’ve fucked up real bad at some point. That’s ok. I want to fade away and be forgotten. ",-1.5063072142064369,0.3764670494117652,1.05877025527192,101.75420199778029,92.62352941176472,4.148723640399556,14.136514983351828,5.6105584117120735,-1.1630923418423975,1436,26,374,10,53,487,182,425,0.213,0.632,0.155,-0.9915,0,7,1,0,0,4,59.0,0,5,9,4,30,37,3,1,8,1,35,6,1,1,3,63,87,29,4,12,22,1,2,2,5,3,1,3,0,3,21,15,0,0,6,4,1,6,18,16,0,1,10,7,62,22,39,68,6,40,0,6,2,4,34,15,3,6,20,219,83,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826404505891332,0.0,0.12687449923547087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560895266395475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127350407690941,0.0,0.1432587647409598,0.0,0.25462670300552565,0.09294960467528053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742751275006137,0.08323362833175275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719751014382661,0.3109244084018251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916807595946578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824882482841526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671757211934247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877563235157993,0.0,0.05035537403444144,0.13792572026630254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187167746265273,0.0,0.03854890792569598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945116774281591,0.07048205391557309,0.11949574680690453,0.0,0.08665716319578644,0.0,0.06097557568607905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829548590685801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592729243530972,0.0,0.051101631673767724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508040606576014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235158464656679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189915491729099,0.06214524872992115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385011012617854,0.07449339435883673,0.07641186112241373,0.0673207460146977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376179864472891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929060952591916,0.0,0.0,0.056044697121933766,0.0565305146826532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679900940550755,0.08000037678275694,0.08119242342019495,0.051661759101763516,0.05798346390359248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570953673819652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441416638123559,0.0,0.0,0.07756283117222433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735541506726226,0.048840882148126485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060628594020889576,0.07632889303472598,0.07715829608658809,0.06075289409142485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825860090027023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869277913321073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339347871064635,0.0,0.07185468852959148,0.0,0.05732250581636165,0.12255660908605948,0.06663655544796007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465532981653613,0.0,0.0,0.1333673405864759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207046066496972,0.08292652405524294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584632312979424,0.0,0.0,0.4047115145187076,0.060515250252424616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067464461359553,0.06879415836766672,0.0,0.0,0.07349201628039635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671152985482576,0.0,0.049095644124812925
suicidewatch,LtxDoll,2018/03/10,"It is NOT worth it. Took way too many propranolol pills yesterday, regretted it almost immediately. I have very little gag reflex, so shoving a hand down my throat usually doesn’t work. It got real very quickly as panic kicked in and I started puking everywhere. Most of it got flushed out. I ended up feeling like crap, sleeping forever and occasionally woke up to wobble to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. 
My boyfriend checked up on me just now... and let me tell you... this is NOT worth it. I feel horrible and wish I just sucked it up and dealt with it properly. It’s a cowardly thing to do and I’ve never felt more disappointed in myself... needless to say, so is he.",2.8437412587412574,5.25014446969697,4.371515151515155,81.80611888111889,77.78787878787878,7.697902097902099,26.820512820512814,8.617729084823388,2.2166624708624707,538,22,102,12,13,179,93,132,0.18,0.731,0.08800000000000001,-0.9087,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,2,1,3,0,7,7,5,0,1,22,17,10,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,9,1,0,3,0,3,1,4,5,0,0,5,6,12,1,17,11,2,20,0,2,0,0,4,11,2,2,8,69,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281137359161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938751060355967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481740827664155,0.14469234806176273,0.19446711376420664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32397440166843405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071076255845484,0.0,0.09894926203691712,0.20299510672071636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534055087290745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562088852373104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763332483359084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305312475060117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106541226473786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268309441083285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335660700103522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770261119931258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345564667288023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250258645804196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306569826209086,0.3342281835625188,0.0,0.16076430416400972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329073529518709,0.0,0.0,0.14744922061137197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ninny3boys,2018/03/10,"I think about it daily...... Right now I am in a really bad situation. I went from having absolutely everything to now nothing. I cheated on my partner, he found out and has kicked me out. I have son who is 13 and twins that are 5 and a half. All boys and all beautiful. They are with their father and I haven't seen them for almost 5 weeks. I know it's all very raw, I have completely destroyed him. He is hurting. Would it just be better for everyone if I wasn't here",0.4595032802249293,2.6660648659793837,2.811977507029052,90.60825679475168,85.90721649484536,6.413870665417058,20.158388003748826,7.686295010490155,0.7697092783505157,360,11,80,7,11,123,70,97,0.106,0.794,0.101,-0.124,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,5,5,2,0,2,0,13,0,0,0,3,18,18,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,1,15,1,10,12,3,9,0,1,1,0,11,5,0,2,3,59,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641092272542821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202216513820945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332669438222041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27653863785448274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520260508051563,0.23704301985835524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28919012385017384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823516483512489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495103582596033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530768681913156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896609184599565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22524250945575305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29646795994482145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900143861066538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176227736247307,0.0,0.0,0.21156570332791672,0.0,0.0,0.24450046698065125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873616392513613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muzzafuzza231,2018/03/10,"My team leader challenged me to kill myself Im posting this in r/army also. So im in the army right, Ive only been in 6 months as a 11b. I got to my duty station 3 months ago at FT Wainwright. After getting to my unit I received the normal smokings/hazings of being a new infantry private. I understood it and it only lasted about a week. But this one E-4, im an E-1, decided that smoking me everyday for no reason was the right way to indoctrinate a new member of the team. Getting treated like a piece of shit for no other reason than being new took a toll on me. I started having depression about 2ish months ago and it built up to me overdosing on feb 28th on proprananol. I was prescribed proprananol for my hyperactive thyroid which is another story. So i overdosed 28th got sent down to Joint base elmendorf richardson to be a patient at the bhu. Spent a week there. It really helped i was happier than ive ever been in the army. Mostly because I was away from the toxic enviroment. I got back here yesterday night. Today my Team leader and i were talking and he said he did not believe i took all the pills and that i only took some of them just to get attention. And he then said why would you not just use a gun and proceeded to imply i was a pussy for not using that method. Then babbled off how people in my platoon have gone through much tougher things which I agree with. I guess im just weak. And i asked him then if he was challenging me to kill myself which he didnt say anything and we proceeded to sit in awkward silence. I would just like to hear what you have to say on the situation im not looking to get him in trouble he PCS's in a month anyways. And even though ive only been back for a day i can tell im going to slip back into a depression quickly. My mother and my sister is coming up here on the 26th so ill try to hold off until then",3.1426323331840567,4.359794561038966,4.728365427675777,84.80831168831172,73.51948051948051,7.284370801612183,27.042095835199284,7.753152298057669,1.5455812807881777,1466,53,299,19,29,494,199,385,0.105,0.851,0.044,-0.9748,0,0,1,1,0,2,28.0,1,2,1,5,22,13,3,1,24,0,26,5,1,5,2,43,51,25,2,4,10,2,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,15,15,0,2,5,3,1,8,7,8,0,1,24,6,42,5,57,22,5,66,0,2,1,0,28,24,1,4,33,210,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232136446746246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419745665601123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841773930169352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606109880868874,0.0,0.07504812188055222,0.0,0.07542284735387399,0.18518408327254648,0.0,0.04893609028182696,0.0,0.0,0.09044464484833094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915149363712611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051771998655439806,0.0,0.13828485764371448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053022175587153005,0.07261510710795738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776559511549788,0.0,0.045623246882337716,0.0,0.1926144572976688,0.0,0.08843412297389652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047796932493132,0.0,0.05380795474864922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202773604291817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762912650537985,0.0,0.0,0.06543643758482362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843853633329657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741242891568706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563052173239805,0.0,0.059012803072329374,0.0,0.0,0.2325959673236893,0.0,0.07533448972650747,0.07865437730308121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543977463132608,0.2442169848362029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055653936899919085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688313797360333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142747678367303,0.16507617189915266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711217202431278,0.15272354617548098,0.1276789228327089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824031467882847,0.0,0.09023466756313298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682044613265294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452358036187504,0.07016560220698967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333244577634854,0.0,0.07887170652970239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609317242719116,0.0,0.2675719721118899,0.0545027869563792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866703896860813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372011500480464,0.1287866716599535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243747096081513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405289957860452,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abctetris1234,2018/03/10,"i want to kill my self but if i wait 6 years i can move out and be done with this portion of my life. I really want to kill myself,  since im only 12 my plan would be to hang my self with my pants (if possible) on the pole that holds my curtains in my room, im extremely antisocial with adults, im not that fit, i've failed my tests in school because i get stressed putting me in the lowest group of maths my favourite subject, im poor, i have 2 step dads, i haven't even met one of them. I only have one full sibling my sister and she is a lazy idiot, the opposite of me while my half brother justyn is a fit as hell guy who i look up to, but i never see him anymore, i've lost all respect to my dad my parents dont want me to be a safety inspector, instead an accountant or something with maths, the only thing i can do without fucking up to badly is gaming but due to my awful luck i dont have a good system to use, and whenever i think i can do something e.g start exercising  i always loose my motivation to something, or if i try doing something i screw up so its like i fire a gun at a criminal and i end up shooting myself somehow and im almost 100 percent sure i have a mental illness because as i brought up before im antisocial with adults and sometimes even kids my age because i screw up by saying something stupid like do you like dank memes or do you know what half life is. I just cant take all this at once. sorry for incorrect grammar, bad sentence structure or repeating things, I was just writing everything that makes me want to kill my self.",2.644285714285715,3.7903690151975735,4.319299696048635,87.53474285714287,74.65349544072947,7.0877082066869335,27.14176291793313,7.554174236665415,1.38711491793313,1222,46,265,15,25,412,175,329,0.257,0.649,0.094,-0.9968,2,0,5,2,0,1,24.0,0,2,1,4,7,21,9,1,12,1,26,7,0,3,4,46,44,20,3,8,14,5,1,3,0,1,4,1,2,7,10,12,0,2,3,2,2,5,7,14,0,4,5,4,52,7,38,35,5,31,1,2,2,3,23,17,4,10,11,171,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440157970323395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013380568138948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359037672441373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075278970551222,0.1541423111438514,0.0,0.07172230466581578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625519638171192,0.1975682319680772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465355125722957,0.0,0.0,0.11134196513330086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757520119295486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792227284642607,0.04403664795688604,0.0,0.0,0.07069620838281518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345770239020749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462686421583536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797543073866158,0.0,0.04632210896422876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906925922131895,0.1235355869617288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078012385161518,0.0,0.09200957087663313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626244326910435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494179799775682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895840863154661,0.0,0.0,0.06500758041439056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976324921503306,0.1142305442255136,0.19231292409364625,0.0,0.0,0.09359109856522807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502129340230492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847320409310454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399661805209621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670286630870601,0.0,0.08530327176938313,0.06716608450815946,0.0,0.2637901839303323,0.0,0.0,0.06972334541063595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244424995908465,0.08336231865330414,0.09435275850863006,0.05965900174882038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655084486023742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794398053666916,0.0,0.06337357795806878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199350559169884,0.05400791384363875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572255602280044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279718555023673,0.0,0.0,0.19885939000833386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124997253194005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987529664526685,0.0,0.0,0.05427827318493378
suicidewatch,JoeBuckTrucks,2018/03/10,"A weird situation I'm 16. I am an incompetent individual. My below average grades will prevent me from getting into a good college. So, you may figure that if I am not academic, than I must have some hands on skill. Nope. I'm even more incompetent with my hands than I am in school. I have zero social skills. This will prevent me from having relationships past high school.

I don't feel like I have a place in society. I believe that I must have ADHD or may be very high on the autism spectrum. I don't feel I'll be able to take care of myself, much less kids. 

It's been a fun 16 years, but once I finish high school, I honestly don't know what I'll do. I wasn't born for this world. And that isn't anyone's fault but my own. My mom is a good mom. She was just cursed with an ugly duckling.

I honestly don't see why ending my journey of life is a worse option than being a burden to someone else because I don't have the skills to develop my own life.",1.892361720807728,3.43176084079602,3.9326192566578895,87.92665496049167,77.40796019900499,6.918466491074043,22.271290605794558,7.724431198458867,0.8315956101843721,743,21,165,11,17,254,114,201,0.101,0.779,0.12,0.3781,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,3,10,0,0,11,0,30,4,2,0,2,22,39,6,0,3,6,2,4,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,3,5,26,7,19,27,6,17,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,6,6,110,33,6,0.13942846995878747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756592583239047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749162806858504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499430115860683,0.0,0.0,0.15708813961537596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215661754339046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647459558007245,0.0,0.12349223982106285,0.0,0.0,0.0920911894265609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409984475358768,0.09960772679768334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284562085558982,0.0,0.0,0.2338919709249592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419415009969755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662624071984743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696490344324305,0.06811770761781047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265938777553443,0.0,0.0,0.10249596826507784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848677005311514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310025123588748,0.0,0.0,0.14567307526983694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496939970874976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233271659871292,0.11110643869229396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672344205756533,0.0,0.1421297664817292,0.11813729013359385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483285732182436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504308984663995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258125074266048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208952259543886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978736331150597
suicidewatch,Missjaes,2018/03/10,"I feel like I'm losing my mind I don't know what's wrong with me. I've always been depressed but lately I can't control my emotions at all. I feel crazy, I keep snapping at people and I hate myself. I'm stuck in this cycle of intense emotions, it's the most suicidal I have ever felt. I can't do this anymore, I look at my kid and just constantly think about how I don't want him to grow up seeing me like this. I don't have anyone to talk to and while I have a script for an antidepressant I doubt it will work since no other med has in the past. I look at his sweet little face and keep crying, I'm a terrible person for not wanting to stick around but he'd be better off without me.",2.249981818181816,3.079328713333332,4.045515151515152,90.34609090909092,75.2,6.521212121212122,22.303030303030305,6.574015621080383,0.3636666666666666,537,13,123,4,11,182,94,150,0.234,0.664,0.102,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,5,10,1,1,5,0,14,1,1,2,2,27,31,8,1,2,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,3,5,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,7,24,4,19,25,2,16,0,2,3,0,6,10,0,2,7,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121072719787133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638612521015344,0.1102605270089642,0.0,0.0,0.1403775481788223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946400631161407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040688897214992,0.17686276375769527,0.0,0.0,0.1732150801382306,0.0,0.0,0.13581818137368107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547600913397845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426396491374067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594656222359381,0.11265378031384525,0.15140714630540913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556862460360632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803242667014807,0.0,0.0,0.08666230990154754,0.0,0.17788120871354662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540787550557381,0.15804682461535388,0.0,0.0,0.26483979962291504,0.17641479451404654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515806124523225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922196573358252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505329651072211,0.10932240340453772,0.13768884126490585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565852809108086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130442812351555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724872854847883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674526321670276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104139624272887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601931635974536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200755009865188,0.0,0.11480021112872417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724092800076709,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatsFUGGEDup,2018/03/10,I feel so trapped Please let me be free,-0.706666666666667,1.1645405555555577,-0.27999999999999936,113.10000000000002,87.88888888888891,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-1.1990888888888889,31,1,9,0,1,9,9,9,0.253,0.343,0.403,0.2927,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319389456285851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.645921579466118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6933799019249287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluepinto,2018/03/10,"I want to die, but not exactly by suicide. My mind is plagued with thoughts of how to make my death seem like an accident. I always fantasize about a truck not stopping when I cross the street, getting robbed and killed during it, ""accidentally"" sending my truck off a bridge during bad weather. I tried to do that once, but I thought about what it would do to those that care about me and I couldn't. I want to die, but I don't want to make my loved ones sad because I took my own life, I want them to think it wasn't supposed to happen, I feel like that would be easier on them. Ultimate fantasy is dying by being a hero and saving someone's life. I'd go down as a hero, instead of another statistic that killed themselves. Anyone else feel this way? ",3.805755568934377,4.979144072847685,4.4550270921131885,87.57201685731488,71.84768211920529,7.610114388922335,27.634557495484646,8.00094639256281,1.5638423841059603,589,21,124,8,11,188,93,151,0.203,0.578,0.219,-0.4587,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,2,6,11,2,0,6,0,11,3,0,3,1,29,29,9,7,7,5,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,6,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,4,2,19,7,20,20,1,11,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,79,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999821285425775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122172463320455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083829631925838,0.14776503917238618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204132804060464,0.08791196429349228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703653439349046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490163810724384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047290639670605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583860701532034,0.10302703595683532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534624712830408,0.0,0.08196055769422042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752861445016245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191044755903656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037262654382105,0.14091207053227475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130159429434495,0.0,0.19252891177123505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456157719967407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358398679702054,0.09772363717650263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312876790001752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219267751344705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056997650361513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774751379163568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924069794624466,0.0,0.22898078231207725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602278776445644,0.09791233899583496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402463502222306,0.11447094450779803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489202095180567,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joqer666,2018/03/10,"lost love and new testament .....................My story: i loved a girl ones. she moved to her hometown, i followed her there only to find that she didnt care about me anymore and was happy without me and had moved on...i have been stuck in life for the past 6 years and 11 months...when i look at the mirror i c a loser who has achieved in lyf nothing and still stuck in a void of a lost love memories.. each day pass by as i expect something new would happen..everything will get better and my lyf would take a turn....my family helped my move abroad for a fresh start but now i failed them too...believe me i had thoughts of tracking her down and do terrible things that i myt regret in the future/...but after all im just a fool who is just not ready to grow up yet..i have even felt like if i hang around any longer in this world all i be is a burden to my family...but now i think i shud care about me more...be a lot more selfish i guess and do what i like the most irrespective of what others think!.......................find a new love(figuratuively) or in other words be a barney stinson in real lyf",2.9170982142857165,3.741520084821431,4.145892857142858,90.27410714285715,73.59821428571428,7.028571428571429,22.482142857142854,7.1686216300943375,0.4833446428571429,825,19,190,8,16,271,137,224,0.184,0.726,0.09,-0.969,1,0,1,0,0,0,79.0,0,0,1,6,10,18,0,0,15,0,17,4,0,0,2,32,35,12,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,4,0,0,7,3,9,0,1,11,2,28,9,26,19,6,30,1,5,1,3,13,12,0,5,13,122,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946031418519654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588133280608225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401905768271953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316471312393918,0.0,0.10334212775045098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382676493859368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535697788351782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717667883847985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501500829550063,0.0,0.1101534339775555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219193446131348,0.0,0.21359301591764135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104800166627055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872070660134735,0.0,0.10332786786571208,0.12438634796920588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783204234191805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621536274878892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253285243760282,0.1141715831181779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812248023652224,0.0,0.2551057220199342,0.0993395751372741,0.4218377619507444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372571235849666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385561620299743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211833796410164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917889732485515,0.08886779727957954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154417058696774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299804841470192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899549224319823,0.0,0.0,0.08270526952314297,0.0,0.09331457302693184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785478623553447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762829408209314,0.14974233359206846,0.0,0.09276387154576962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709653809393948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263683065456145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601023824280964,0.0,0.0,0.07524596593001985
suicidewatch,sixela1995,2018/03/10,"I feel like I can’t take care of myself This post is probably going to be very messy and unorganized but that’s okay I guess. First off I’m 22 going on 23 years old. I haven’t gone to college or anything and I work in a group home. I also live with my mother because let’s face it caregivers don’t get paid very well. I would go to school but my spending habits and car payment prevent me from doing so. I’m on generic Abilify and generic Zoloft along with vitamin D3 and these have me feeling stable but also still a bit depressed in that I feel emotionally stable but I am unable to perform basic things like getting myself to shower is pretty hard sometimes and don’t get me started on my room. I also don’t brush my teeth. I’m just so gross and I feel like I can’t take care of myself. Sometimes I wonder if I myself belong in a group home. Anyways I guess that’s it, any advice is appreciated. Thank you. ",0.8332323232323233,3.1857166931216945,2.8694492544492576,89.7914177489178,85.77248677248676,4.706204906204906,20.76022126022126,6.11248444174946,0.2280137566137568,721,23,146,6,22,242,107,189,0.068,0.711,0.22,0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,9,10,0,0,3,1,15,4,2,0,0,26,39,18,0,2,7,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,8,10,0,1,5,0,2,5,6,2,1,1,2,6,27,8,18,34,1,19,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,5,8,94,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465550284877908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060421856050732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674889536480701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104975514171405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776272770984276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392684562538148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601230009892142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987195410802927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349398615419204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25800374222225475,0.18226559736776649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085071253143204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994308214418624,0.0,0.21749519245110255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28105549852770656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142736064976249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255917138932877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044433794271634,0.0,0.1869661381114639,0.0,0.1126426488816827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385850403937885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217245982031046,0.1297799456365892,0.13753715451997936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910306805710287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523310272926299,0.0,0.09029149765579353,0.0,0.10187395072033377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918267184466712,0.0,0.0,0.11744514765372666,0.0,0.0,0.08474883128426566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105097482700422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146966793231627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833931280269954,0.0928691829117031,0.0,0.0,0.09061885127491176,0.0,0.0,0.08214798156817757
suicidewatch,DowntownWeakness,2018/03/10,"They told me to travel before I committed to killing myself Here I am in a place I’ve never been
I booked a flight and a hotel and I finally did it
I’m here but I want to die
I am miserable here
I might fucking do it here",-1.2029411764705884,0.6637164509803917,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,90.37254901960785,5.752941176470588,18.303921568627448,7.1686216300943375,0.2630627450980389,173,5,42,3,6,63,33,51,0.25,0.6890000000000001,0.061,-0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,2,7,10,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,4,6,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,2,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812667368463158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430502155086663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36209239879082267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055805793369684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656955416401432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506526279277108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549342230234388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453458417793245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158468668611308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496212503037227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IBringTheDepression,2018/03/10,"I have had enough. So, Where do I start? Let's see, I lost my job, I have had a fight with a friend and have no way of contacting him, And worst of all I got dumped. Oh and I have a bad gambling addiction. I've had break ups before but this one hurts the most, So badly. I don't know how to survive or cope without her by my side, It's so fucked",-0.098186813186814,1.2188133205128224,1.9172527472527496,101.16346153846158,82.46153846153847,5.482783882783883,17.553113553113555,6.18269132825596,-0.6608886446886446,261,5,71,2,7,87,56,78,0.339,0.636,0.025,-0.9792,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,3,0,4,0,10,2,0,1,1,11,16,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,8,0,1,5,1,11,1,7,10,4,6,0,2,1,1,5,3,1,2,1,50,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752642289620244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42165690631244335,0.0,0.0,0.21486043127287333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609018538754971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508226169751086,0.23343384219951546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194875322133346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703083956296372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25056907146187224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876838392041954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582001945464536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756355386500538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110175217589488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121124037459506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787220712550544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042417315207453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434027213774446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crumblingperspective,2018/03/10,"Does it really just feel this way forever? I’ve just reached a point of accepting that I will never be happy and I will never find my life worth living. Strangely, that kind of takes the edge off. If I don’t expect anything beyond that, then there is no disappointment or panic when I don’t feel happy. 

But how can I live this way? How can I go on for decades living a life I don’t want to live? I feel like a shadow, just dragging along, going where I’m told, when I’m told. Therapy, social interactions, work, rinse and repeat.

Is it really worth appeasing my friends and family for however long I continue on this earth, at the expense of a hallow existence? 

I CAN live with the fact that I am completely worthless, but I don’t really want to. ",3.2706152125279644,4.901648852348996,4.933036912751677,81.81060682326623,73.8993288590604,8.725055928411633,24.497203579418343,9.2995712137729,2.0402612975391494,585,18,116,14,12,198,86,149,0.098,0.794,0.108,-0.5596,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,7,0,13,2,0,2,3,25,25,12,0,4,7,0,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,3,2,7,3,0,0,2,3,14,6,14,20,0,19,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,2,9,77,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953351816345894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395573522345612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164804916880865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547891152757162,0.0,0.20190463801014413,0.09508975629906524,0.0,0.0,0.12165494156404552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283607123278272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512925104541325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833840578269386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860767173070296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880310420689421,0.06502804978357589,0.0,0.5876677873240077,0.1177931389814742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531652195766487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616924633303567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582661014379512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558101165724672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356830970055328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000778872819212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221639567209155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543737729915955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570167588720764,0.2113040352074337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690153378696686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSyndiCant,2018/03/10,"I can't do anything I don't know what I can do. I'm just locked in this cage of negativity, with people pelting me with rocks. I can't go to my family, because they'll just call me out on everything I did wrong and tell me I got myself into this. I have very few friends, and ever since I did my 72 hour hold, I've been extremely distant from them, because I don't want to burden them. I'm stuck in a theater company that puts me down for existing. I can't reach out to something like a suicide hotline because the idea of talking to a stranger about how much I hate myself seems so unnatural for me. I want to just lay down and nap on some train tracks, but my theater teacher is one of the few people who support me, and I couldn't bring myself to ruin an entire production by killing myself. I don't know what I can do. I'm stuck here with no way to relieve myself of this hell.",5.324331550802143,4.344138465240643,6.405673796791444,82.44380481283423,68.0909090909091,9.191229946524064,32.068983957219245,8.238735603445708,2.1554367914438504,691,25,152,8,10,233,105,187,0.202,0.732,0.066,-0.9775,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,3,0,8,10,3,0,6,0,18,0,0,1,1,25,33,7,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,4,2,0,3,9,6,0,1,6,0,32,4,28,25,4,15,1,1,0,0,8,9,1,2,3,109,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318522497505024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404251276956542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900795111280695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838293215699254,0.0,0.0,0.1672992194223238,0.0,0.17548523606528238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438186864758207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579308343027373,0.0,0.14888080633777287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378414951661945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833198173115366,0.0,0.0,0.21014019238390289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594690518733416,0.0,0.20460585730498312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094327109004524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368413435147726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613975785150836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25810532971758715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871317202902542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694635659953783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398483770386065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143307023922895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036174027724264,0.2112403120482393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961996321849785,0.1627029182592693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535928802193549,0.21959166414045075,0.14775685431322635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352531904226606,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Retro_Cthulhu,2018/03/10,"Not much left at 37. My gf of 4+ yrs ended our relationship this week. I don’t hold much hope for the future in general, but this is pushing me over the edge. I’m socially awkward and convinced that I’m either a ghost to most people or inconsequential. Nothing I do matters. No-one cares about what I say or think. What am I going to do at my age? I have no friends or family.  My future is a life of being alone until some tumor or heart attack leaves me undiscovered in my apartment until my landlord misses a rent check. Fck all of this.",2.026486486486487,3.887703405405404,4.153414414414414,85.05498648648648,78.009009009009,6.602162162162162,22.811711711711716,7.554174236665415,1.0123614414414408,422,13,86,6,10,145,78,111,0.175,0.7120000000000001,0.113,-0.6716,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,5,0,8,2,1,0,1,16,15,8,1,1,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,13,4,14,14,6,16,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,7,7,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399411889068521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26355909911362385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620392732606904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519165793407024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839871070207612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789883662321346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166391395897045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27453113743773416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23010148168379854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453060373646073,0.2517111157397427,0.0,0.1636360112623442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34060954259705745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229448119074274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606114351827441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487278511562197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842340019505253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23615931226468914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484453612253772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858324255201436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minahkyu,2018/03/10,"My dad died and I’m still not able to cope with it. I’ve always suffered from depression and anxiety. My dad was my rock though. I could talk to him about anything and everything. We had a lot in common and he was always so strong. 

Suddenly, he started getting sick. He called in which was crazy because he never missed work before. We took him to the hospital for tests. They tested him and said they couldn’t find anything wrong. He got sent home. 

He kept feeling sick. Took him back two weeks later, they run more tests, turns out he’s got a fuck ton of cancer everywhere. Started in his lungs and spread to the rest of his body. Doctors said he had 6 months to live. 

My brother and I figured it sucked BUT we could plan these six months out and enjoy them. I’m at my friends when I hear the news because I got in a fight with my dad.  

You see, I didn’t stay at the house during his testing because I was scared. The last thing he said to me was “why don’t you want to be near me? I’m fucking dying over here!” And I left. He went to the hospital that night and got the diagnosis. 

The next morning, my mom calls and says I’ve got to come now because the doctors say he actually has two weeks to live. 

She calls me back 30 minutes and they said he’s now got a few hours. He could go at any time. 

I race to the hospital and he’s asleep. He’s slowly dying and there’s nothing I can do. 

He died about 2 hours after I got there when I left the room for a minute. 

Ever since then, life is just hard. It feels empty and I miss him so much. I always think “hey! This will be something my dad will love” and sometimes I’ll even visit my mom and think my dad will be there too. I’ll have dreams where he’s still alive and they feel so real. 

I had to drop out of university for a bit to help my mom with some bills. He left us with a lot of insurance money but it will eventually run out. I’m able to take a few classes each semester now.  Every now and then, I’ll get asked why I haven’t graduated yet and I feel like a failure among my friends. It’s awkward because I don’t want to tell them why. Those close to me know the real reason anyway. 

I’m just not handling it well still. It’s been a couple of years but it’s still a fresh wound. The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of my brother and mom. It would break them and I can’t do that to them. 

I used to be on medication but I can’t afford it now. I was on my dad’s insurance and now I’m unable to afford the prescription now that I need it the most. Funny how things happen.  ",0.21193776956253885,2.3069778262476888,1.9948918669131253,96.81986706715959,85.8946395563771,4.9375354282193475,18.07396796056685,6.2581,-0.33532460874922965,1968,49,461,18,60,645,238,541,0.095,0.838,0.066,-0.9042,2,0,1,0,1,0,52.0,4,2,9,3,35,19,5,2,26,0,37,14,3,4,2,76,88,36,5,8,8,12,5,1,2,5,8,7,2,0,20,37,0,1,11,2,2,9,11,12,1,3,27,13,66,7,52,48,12,71,0,4,1,3,75,22,3,4,38,280,86,9,0.12417412727870725,0.0,0.060588017945406525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498423191673166,0.0,0.0,0.04222133233089175,0.0,0.04749643374433926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021847264290404,0.0,0.058043023365279466,0.0,0.0,0.09548223906587992,0.0,0.2270861863395593,0.0,0.05283151822877597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778299308567404,0.06896473117673714,0.0,0.0,0.19019350117693512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348250776098102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871440473702546,0.06869815500212091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347549693550973,0.0,0.2577462790978304,0.0,0.0,0.12709748097805393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041007919976750073,0.056161303613270736,0.05231102890925274,0.0,0.05579984940207696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255723395343523,0.044355010669536135,0.0,0.0,0.056746451364373514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959366227082884,0.11479697975393525,0.06487585640502377,0.0,0.03528550906318771,0.0,0.34759687587515964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490338533060394,0.0,0.05561781387873591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699766330718919,0.0,0.041615650018326164,0.0,0.06227838710001327,0.0,0.12228650239637702,0.0716401354710827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869013695316528,0.0,0.0341214264592004,0.05060924351607,0.0,0.0,0.20237332892536247,0.0,0.04385392918108632,0.030332603155467226,0.0,0.10964802936257097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556840250354382,0.05603599897532273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254618472627159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908624741907149,0.0991146037035868,0.0,0.04564113560402725,0.04603677098625391,0.04788537102473255,0.0,0.06603029654283255,0.058264503332497025,0.0,0.05957421205932605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722000964796669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133734201930204,0.0,0.12767168401420498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362360612621517,0.09874824999655413,0.06215998187881752,0.0,0.049475351281337315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051359060632485874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779765488906013,0.06140569350142725,0.0,0.08789108640859461,0.06617654889287218,0.19833123689406976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046681745026387104,0.04990322993714125,0.054266830218899526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824957725458091,0.07956576682869226,0.0610002247924248,0.0,0.03620346609904685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796202436531954,0.0,0.06753289649048208,0.12130007914491125,0.0,0.07468309297962651,0.05362328850586963,0.0,0.0,0.07324111750968272,0.0,0.09960499483508528,0.0,0.05582372656836823,0.057555330017353974,0.1680717537285854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045200121782808515,0.0,0.0,0.04410486864451632,0.06788245749909766,0.0,0.03998203337940235
suicidewatch,kenichi0sama,2018/03/10,"I am a Burden to my family I've been struggling for the past week since a minor car accident (No one was hurt). I was rear ended due to my own fault, and though the law directly states that I am not at fault, I still blamed myself due to frustration from almost being run over and constantly having to avoid those issues on the road EVERY time I drive and being completely scared to get another speeding ticket I braked in front of the driver/car who almost ran me over.

Anyways, the details of the accident isn't a major part of this. Its the fact that I did not call my family immediately when I got into this car accident (I am 22 finishing up my Master's for Computer Science). I've always had a hard time telling my family with any problems I have because I remember even from the age of 10 that they'd crush me and lecture me to the point that I felt like a burden on my family. I understand I messed up and I should've spoken to my family about this accident, which I did after 24 hours and taking blame for the accident due to the grief I felt for being a burden on my family. They think I don't care about my family at all and my sister even had the guts to call me a ""narcissist."" Its really gotten into my mind as of this week, and I'm feeling depressed/thoughts of suicide is coming about again. I thought I got over this problem a year ago when I had my first signs of suicide. No I do not intend to self harm in anyway, but the thoughts come about when I feel like such a burden on my family. I don't tell my family things due to the sheer fact that they don't try to understand me, and yes I've been speaking for a therapist for about a year now.

For about two days now, it seems to have settled. But I keep beating myself up because I put myself into this predicament, which I could've avoided had I stayed calm and collected prior to the car accident and I could've avoided the whole situation. I know at the end I am going to be able to get through this situation. Though I hate myself for being such a burden on my family especially since I've come into a tight financial situation as well because continuing 1 more year of schooling on top of my 4 years of undergrad to finish my Master's, which has led my family to help me with rent for the past 3 months. Combo that with this accident, they pay for my car insurance because I am in a slum financially and I cannot work as much due to the amount of research that goes into my Master's program.

Only my mom has been understanding that I am not in the best place mentally nor financially. Everyone else in my family seems to not want to understand me at all or recognize that I am TRYING my hardest to not be a burden which ends up making things into a bigger burden.

Thank you to anyone who has read this.",8.662310538780346,5.862034765541741,9.25715142095915,70.47523571640026,62.80106571936057,12.864683244523384,35.35886619301362,11.291866151862983,3.742473120189462,2195,67,436,49,24,749,238,563,0.175,0.7809999999999999,0.043,-0.9961,1,3,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,1,4,8,22,29,2,5,36,1,38,1,1,3,4,69,70,24,3,3,9,2,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,30,24,0,6,15,2,2,14,14,22,1,3,19,7,75,7,88,44,10,87,0,2,0,0,16,33,0,5,40,317,105,9,0.058844042462916676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216169319701931,0.0,0.11784761704457615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896295722710517,0.0,0.0,0.04001596672297992,0.06170310922894678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114512268220683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434831284589529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175319217591176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017269302599687,0.0,0.05999542304079244,0.0,0.0,0.15206679652260016,0.06169685896761001,0.0635895051733453,0.0,0.09396435944665016,0.0,0.0,0.03794953934240758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049156646775157915,0.0,0.15635506735502244,0.0,0.0,0.07773187015074924,0.0,0.04957864369774818,0.05622800427935712,0.0,0.0,0.6656751149804565,0.0,0.05950663186979594,0.04203819569310331,0.11299901748505925,0.0,0.0,0.05005271245846391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148716697717301,0.0,0.03344242539316626,0.0,0.09412591252635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271270389892455,0.058096309412390815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039441921283712975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794952859626722,0.0,0.06299376449798635,0.0,0.0,0.06141789216909256,0.0,0.05230328866147346,0.0,0.0,0.03233914683296142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749645363997425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03927885527547507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930095453612605,0.0,0.05941570833665408,0.06891743134111931,0.0469687532889882,0.0,0.043257141892547035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03987424606866108,0.044753545907155336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372236367726188,0.11234659374609056,0.0,0.0,0.06147950005774051,0.0,0.05562664020284881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261160315097925,0.0,0.05915451550881686,0.0,0.0,0.058859966496505725,0.0,0.03769700038956653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665882914995973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891315193158569,0.059553312505965336,0.0,0.1071388124611292,0.06138716969762467,0.0,0.0,0.09735280000576216,0.19842950759114905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271991981648807,0.046992928322833666,0.0,0.0,0.061516569593623636,0.0,0.12873166335973454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442433967006717,0.0,0.1028645735374983,0.05417568835341728,0.0,0.06832246870362288,0.07818673421076039,0.03770488639194113,0.11562794590458672,0.14014679031668814,0.06862486874276202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990248441585496,0.0,0.05748207911248403,0.245034893802054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034707740841197474,0.0,0.09440228289165348,0.0,0.0529078610595653,0.0,0.0,0.06569727196794117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283916374216662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157453627361125
suicidewatch,johnsmithinmyass,2018/03/10,"Tonight's the night Hey. I finally have a pretty well realized plan and I'm sitting here writing this and I've decided I'm going to wait 1 hour for a response to this post. I've decided not to contact my friends and family at all because I know how hard it would be for them. I'm 16 years old and I've decided it's enough. I'm a burden to those around me, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, everyone. Even my fucking teachers. So it's time for me to lift the burden off their shoulders. The thoughts of ending it all refuse to leave. I've been hospitalized 3 times already for this shit and I'm done with it. I'm just so fucking angry and depressed that I'm not the best I can be.

Well it's been an hour, goodbye",0.7655921052631598,2.863404111842108,2.7873684210526335,91.99907894736843,83.53947368421052,6.1684210526315795,25.28947368421053,7.413659706084162,1.2178736842105264,563,24,125,9,16,189,84,152,0.166,0.746,0.08800000000000001,-0.9012,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,2,9,11,3,0,8,0,8,4,2,1,2,24,21,9,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,4,1,12,5,15,14,4,16,0,1,0,2,8,3,3,0,10,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242257768579606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716004585990855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077082405693774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348158297212754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238038816648582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691684876282878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641469606512927,0.17080837332030566,0.0,0.10918502676527224,0.0,0.0,0.15795982112081666,0.0,0.0,0.3116772014068426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810879148829844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25543462638712544,0.3056509892262811,0.0,0.0,0.09394890678860844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808438224661627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255921062260643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084949598344193,0.0,0.0,0.1750383483680436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513128584504585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346397376142672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832031380243736,0.16817866930622513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696872994740241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123687038635765,0.19278599925386056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972652640251065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174307613300208,0.0,0.0,0.1064535676799772
suicidewatch,aVastEmptySpace,2018/03/10,"Im empty i dont remember when this happened. or if it ever happened but i have no ""emotions"" yes i know the word ""emotion"" is vague but thats the best way i can explain it.

I feel nothing. i won 90.000$ (converted to usd and after taxes) and i didnt think anything off it. it just sits there in my bank account. my sister killed herself 2 years ago (14) (i was 18 at the time) and i didnt feel anything. i went on like nothing happened.

its like i'm done with the world and everything in it. im not depressed. im not suicidal but i think that i might donate everything i have and just end myself. my brains logic is telling me that im finished here. i discussed this with my parents and even they said ive never cried or smiled. ive talked to multiple therapists and doctors.

the first time something felt... something? was when i decided to try out some drugs cause why not.
a friend of mine hooked me up with 25i-nbome aka fake LSD i took like 1miligram or whatever dose i took. i honestly dont know or care. but i felt what i can only assume is ""excitement"" not the sexual type (never had thoughts about that and ive never had an erection) i cant explain it because im not familiar with it. in school i learned basic math and the alphabet. and if you couldnt tell, i suck at using commas and such. i mostly just slept during that time. i didnt care. i dont care about anything. i just feel finished. like ive done my part of the job on this earth.

this is kinda jumbled message of words and i honestly dont care too much. 

should i commit suicide in this situation. i dont know

ive never done any drugs after that incident (except prescriptions)
doctors think i have drug induced DPD which makes no sense since ive felt like this my whole life and the symptoms dont match mine at all. 

big wall of text oh boy

EDIT: maybe i posted this in the wrong reddit. didnt really find another place to put it",0.5709270516717346,2.9111774387755136,2.3826639166304844,92.83528441163703,87.1122448979592,5.3769865392965706,21.605731654363872,6.855684769269737,0.5912538428137211,1484,52,316,20,47,489,198,392,0.133,0.742,0.124,-0.5660000000000001,2,0,5,0,0,2,53.0,0,1,1,3,14,20,2,0,12,1,36,10,2,4,7,78,68,25,3,4,20,2,6,5,1,2,8,1,0,1,24,18,0,0,22,0,4,4,23,5,0,1,21,7,52,15,30,44,7,42,0,1,0,0,15,17,1,11,23,202,76,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763854387176235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04421754571543048,0.06818178533591047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052398975300478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963712682457388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823712687026147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258664049532121,0.0,0.0,0.26517918503759463,0.06679604294025998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142418887148883,0.0,0.0,0.05600380423502666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310661613942626,0.0,0.19962185071708244,0.4572354798641601,0.0,0.22621645201768614,0.0,0.0,0.14628317435005414,0.05759065613709665,0.0,0.0,0.042946763547297165,0.05881659513953854,0.0,0.0,0.11687610293838215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863202480984758,0.0,0.1872954584366562,0.0,0.05942940852098026,0.05530812529495753,0.0,0.0,0.05023624038131047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249760844318193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35117741664894786,0.0,0.06452482146018194,0.0,0.07193778839384186,0.0,0.1072040353329745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045927331311313435,0.15883360290285686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340303936217785,0.0,0.06532386450364694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897862203753814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779903637949957,0.0,0.20059751462056627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247817299818668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049452559169108914,0.0,0.0,0.07219981747942897,0.07041305658065053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793469774663266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227360365285716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653655954857428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165509356801388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365784377221511,0.0,0.061851309881862986,0.0,0.0,0.0658062651957779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378730338542457,0.07308804078084262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011503064771933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224817431097114,0.0,0.0,0.06758329862373849,0.0,0.052262641401268566,0.11366510309197593,0.0,0.0,0.07549616142494983,0.0,0.12499142274426213,0.0,0.05162062059376493,0.1137454690969363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448483225394246,0.04414602528402235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056158583351600455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161185262607338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060276530741948886,0.05867271387619372,0.07259532542926855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109192206959238,0.0,0.04187237330395847
suicidewatch,AdorableWar,2018/03/10,"my last night on earth. The only thing I like is art, and have tried to be successful on it to no avail, then a friend of mine starts drawing a year ago ""for fun"" and is already selling prints/making a decent living from art. I worked so hard at this skill, went to school for it, and put in so many hours and I am just bullshit. I will never be good, or accomplish anything. I'm so useless and fucking stupid. I'm burning all of my work as we speak, and then leaving this world. I can't take this anymore.",2.6267857142857167,3.7843736190476207,3.4639880952380966,93.60455357142858,74.71428571428571,6.011904761904763,24.55357142857143,5.985473137389443,0.4297857142857136,390,12,88,2,8,124,76,105,0.153,0.7120000000000001,0.135,-0.2457,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,5,4,8,2,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,2,11,14,13,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,9,5,13,10,1,16,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,1,10,56,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401543174760827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415289638540242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170606559306128,0.0,0.0,0.18011171625633693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690987525403385,0.2023421872043016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357813380806687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606491620019129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155432870575916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784086140201033,0.0,0.23175218469322775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692903731845683,0.0,0.1932666010152897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190026459307688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880636980175825,0.0,0.0,0.2053950733885162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646082592865902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002523619995368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150856173712846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549176180226785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456332581918634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454077893669966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485986560395483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289508288352992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31868056191158634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409453820162257
suicidewatch,eternalbish,2018/03/10,Feel like I'm suffocating myself and I can't stop,-1.1245454545454552,0.7354988181818172,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,106.27272727272728,5.836363636363638,14.590909090909092,7.1686216300943375,0.3073272727272731,41,1,9,1,2,15,10,11,0.0,0.578,0.422,0.5248,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873813883602996,0.547327721299652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742953572902867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6405240127894611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Casanova666,2018/03/10,I want to get help but I feel like I can't I desperately need long-term intense therapy but I don't feel like I can get it. Even when I try to call somewhere to get help I end up hanging up because I don't know what to say. I really just don't know how to ask for help and I feel like that's going to end with me killing myself.,-0.1981390977443596,1.2024992236842138,2.462706766917293,96.74394736842106,83.07894736842105,5.9218045112781965,20.06766917293233,6.868970318607317,0.015972180451127468,255,7,67,3,7,89,44,76,0.077,0.619,0.304,0.9322,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,17,5,1,2,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,4,13,3,10,17,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464979195506986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138826365357766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076226269097804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309309370351103,0.0,0.0,0.12339165462448633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28338267508440496,0.40038886345641134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29281438578944274,0.0,0.10617308437108143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756608906484036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066866512575884,0.0,0.20534078643030634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738097978056216,0.0,0.0,0.16532822207621672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852332302596845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968051825918108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856532549389856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364288518769106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683729005308825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019021058846704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohboyherewego42,2018/03/10,"Just having another phase right now It is the ghost of my past who will never leave me. There is only one way out. It is inevitable. It's just a matter of time. Why does it matter if it I accelarte it or not? It really doesn't. I'm so fucking weird. Everything I like is weird. I'm 30 and I never had a serious relationship. My job is a dead end. I have learned to never trust anyone, to never show any weakness. Weakness will be exploited immediately.

I'm so tired. I need 75 mg of Armodafinil and 150 mg of caffeine to feel like I'm awake. I have a weird connection to drugs. I think I would be dead already without hallucinogens. This is very clear for me but I don't think many people will understand. I love to lose control while still being able to experience my environment in some way. I have an urge to block any kind of strong feeling, regardless if negative or positive. Showing feelings makes you vulnerable. Hallucinogens forcefully open you up and I like that.

I thought a lot about suicide. I know every little detail. I didn't buy a CO detector. My apartment is on the third floor. I have a few friends. That are three facts which are deterring me from comitting suicide. I have to focus on that.

I think I'm a furry of some kind. I don't know, I'm so confused. I think about dragons a lot. I don't want to, why can't I be normal? I just want to be normal. Why can't I just like tits? It would be so much easier. Why do I have to be so fucking weird? It's so much more complicated. I will never be happy. I think I'm gay or bisexual or asexual or pansexual or who knows? I'm not experienced with relationships and I'm so very much scared of commiting to a relationship.

I don't know who to blame. Should I be blamed? Should my parents be blamed? Should my bullies be blamed? Life is so weird. I don't know the difference between me and a pile of rocks. It's just subatomic particles in a different configuration. Why does it matter? My sister has been in therapy for over 20 years. She's not dead yet but she's not doing well. Therapy doesn't make you happy. The best outcome of therapy is, that you might be a little happier. My sister has never heard of cognitive behavioural therapy. What kind of fucking incompetent therapists does she have? It's pathetic.

My mom has started hugging me 3 or 4 years ago. It was so weird, I think her therapist made her do it or something. I feel so weird being close to another human being because I don't have a lot of experience with that. And I hate me for being like this. Why didn't I get to experience being close to other human beings? If you have a kid please hug it during childhood. I will never have children because I don't know if I can develop any emotions for a kid. I would like to, but I'm not sure if I can.

I had severe encopresis as a kid. I'm so embarassed. I hate myself for this. I hate my parents for this. I hate my former teachers and my bullies. Encopresis means you poop your pants. Just look it up, I don't know. I think it started in first or second grade and stopped when I was 16. I hate myself so much for writing this. I hate my mom because she never took me to a therapist. I hope she dies soon, it would be the best solution for everyone. Years of agony, pain and thoughts about suicide because she was too embarassed to look for a therapist. What would the neighbours think if they found out I need to go to a therapist?

I love to dance even though I can't dance. I'm smart, I'm kind and I'm curious. I just don't know if that helps me keeping me alive and I don't know if that matters. I'm not sure if I have the strength to read any answers. But thank you for listening, if you made it this far.",0.8935517408123808,3.2710709228723402,3.104695357833656,88.02386363636364,85.78191489361703,6.50328820116054,23.04013539651837,7.7669595915474945,1.2997441489361703,2882,109,604,58,88,979,277,752,0.204,0.662,0.134,-0.9965,4,0,2,0,0,4,93.0,0,9,1,7,32,51,9,2,28,0,86,16,2,5,13,132,158,50,8,26,37,6,4,6,2,14,6,2,0,6,39,18,0,4,28,6,1,4,33,23,1,5,15,9,98,28,66,111,13,53,0,1,2,9,44,20,4,27,33,414,137,4,0.047936617696131896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042492919257615884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289924964719305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303941754001341,0.10053144665017563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033518397675013016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688686886385073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061304563560458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376499287954927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975064095269007,0.10016712540694292,0.0,0.0,0.12584897155515332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055591257658639856,0.0,0.0,0.053922242815799784,0.042457614936828265,0.0,0.0,0.03166168388728624,0.0,0.040388667898359286,0.04580549248727482,0.04308234101433089,0.14067363126773488,0.0,0.0,0.09695277696546872,0.03424592926030574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04077486252389729,0.0,0.052560027041229175,0.03703571192010993,0.13294989185912182,0.02504490423529676,0.0,0.027243484536500072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205884183063292,0.0,0.28396491375789085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03213090438118348,0.0,0.0,0.04761187761767294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047569696321958066,0.04260826836286,0.0,0.19967444258018333,0.2371024029144371,0.0,0.0,0.05075795663901776,0.0,0.0,0.03385905073298556,0.14051646020545355,0.0960901686657054,0.0,0.0,0.0805093714381569,0.05362881349004235,0.0,0.12226199440674107,0.08652933808253938,0.09071757344601268,0.06399612909220967,0.04860020639421871,0.0,0.05221702977211322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050853176014716873,0.0,0.11228557456366517,0.0,0.0,0.14095571865832535,0.07108878923800897,0.29577339812798825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393541486912856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032483092760316,0.03645795786463133,0.05100794101153031,0.0,0.10645588207064373,0.0,0.045760925732311115,0.033233214927438026,0.0,0.0,0.052620011134228116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794959002567263,0.0,0.030709424783390657,0.0,0.0,0.15439796288183388,0.0,0.04093760959126744,0.0,0.0,0.047992916924398825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054154733380881184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690395027372853,0.0,0.0,0.06785956946747877,0.0,0.038282244814384365,0.04007715885361826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730463799504418,0.0,0.09035938974407316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044133597086895744,0.21927880021273752,0.2782905392984764,0.0,0.24572679219115354,0.04709748349894771,0.0761126397571434,0.02795222727468237,0.05509609028036856,0.0,0.0,0.053259346077311184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049903709597295766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910545985608536,0.056548518224233485,0.07609971172259765,0.0,0.0,0.04310077626517188,0.0,0.2595320484410496,0.0,0.0,0.046209188836879495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702639892128988,0.0,0.0,0.09260883039768514
suicidewatch,olieolieoxenfree,2018/03/10,"Basically things are a lil rough atm I'm a 19F who was diagnosed with OCD, Panic disorder with agoraphobia and depression about a year and a half ago. In high school seeking support meant getting hit and yelled at by my parents, but doing it without them involved meant school admin teams yelling at me and distrusting me (I refused to share the abuse with anyone bc I wanted my university savings which were under my parents account) after a suicide attempt I walked home after the doctors told my family I was just ""being bratty."" Now in my first year of Uni far away from my parents home, I've cut ties with them and Zoloft has been doing magic for my mental health. The past month though has been shit. I've completely relapsed in self harm and even though there are supports on campus I find myself in a position where I just cannot bring myself to tell the full story in detail. Last semester I went to a staff member about suicidal idealization and was scolded for it, and now I'm not really sure what to do. I feel like asking for help means getting hurt or yelled at and I just cant take this anymore. I feel like the happy moments, even when they last months, just aren't worth it for having to constantly pull myself out of this depression. I'm so tired and I just can't do this anymore.  ",6.352023809523808,6.634101900793652,6.5080317460317465,78.32585714285717,65.7063492063492,9.259682539682537,31.08571428571429,9.029198982220553,2.52396,1037,36,192,16,15,332,151,252,0.215,0.693,0.092,-0.9905,3,0,0,0,2,1,19.0,0,0,3,4,17,17,3,1,12,0,20,6,1,0,1,35,39,16,2,2,9,3,3,2,0,0,5,3,2,1,10,15,0,1,6,1,3,4,6,8,0,2,10,6,26,9,34,27,1,36,0,3,0,0,16,16,1,1,18,133,36,6,0.0,0.1283428818920736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602018765251284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485100155897152,0.07574068552584717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126567817703501,0.0,0.1017713114725162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357269314982775,0.11705671049466546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659374198855627,0.10994371447531537,0.0,0.0,0.12414545330709174,0.11087131458364434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309023156637504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021155653035243,0.0,0.10954088352011764,0.15476934093295486,0.0,0.0,0.09900359334126063,0.09213793778944288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131866883436774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530990710198295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514034578584224,0.0,0.0,0.07260540160636834,0.11444727070747272,0.21730994492706976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596006029153386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659243332066787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584051110096654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799351715466184,0.0,0.0,0.10916226896670857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292186001626722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127091562065544,0.3608335442135436,0.0,0.10340482020852684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693933196852181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192536281578488,0.0,0.0,0.11300261154404773,0.0,0.11119013153612063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369715727197321,0.24584317590881796,0.10209142735983497,0.0,0.08144404433991463,0.0,0.0946774831154321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196377677482448,0.0,0.212850012780403,0.0,0.0,0.12449925823094883,0.0,0.10350552659089453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389063667812461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041481626880358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441774914281364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395105730306933
suicidewatch,gabefw,2018/03/10,"I don't know what I can do for my friend My friend first got depressed around September. He would post things on Instagram or Snapchat, conveying his depression or desire to kill himself but whenever someone would reach out to him he'd assure them he wasn't really going to kill himself. That kind of created a 'boy who cried wolf' thing and people started to get annoyed by him. At the end of October, he tried to kill himself and was put in the hospital for a week. His family knows about his depression, he goes to two different therapies every week but he hasn't really changed. Now, he's just become more distant and is kind of a dick to everyone. A lot of my friends have given up on him because he's been mean but it's because he's hurting. He still posts things on Snapchat like ""what's the point,"" ""I don't want to live anymore,"" etc. I've tried to talk to him and let him know he doesn't have to post things on social media but can talk to me for real and tell me why he's hurting. He thinks no one cares about him and he won't really let me help him. Because he's so mean now, I'm worried that his fear of no one caring will become a reality. Every so often he has episodes of self harm and or his string of social media posts look more serious than usual. Nothing has seemed to work for him and I'm worried that I won't do enough before he succeeds in committing suicide.",3.8359187279151934,4.817328660777386,4.8974045936395765,85.15331537102476,71.57950530035336,8.345512367491166,27.930918727915195,8.697196308434329,1.9544489045936395,1093,39,227,19,20,359,143,283,0.22,0.667,0.112,-0.9914,1,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,3,10,22,4,1,8,0,24,1,1,0,2,34,42,17,4,4,8,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,2,11,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,9,12,0,4,5,1,28,10,38,29,5,26,0,5,1,1,46,11,1,6,10,141,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495486128322581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625839643245354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566584477095329,0.1892165155646716,0.07289306117001919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467865282267542,0.0,0.09062029135455683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940969864528034,0.0,0.0,0.22134472753581486,0.0,0.0,0.0894997960010706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758721558615228,0.08851296947163427,0.09553709548139368,0.0,0.0,0.14434985622169375,0.08185484442494566,0.0,0.0,0.08075562713016213,0.0963948990756449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286506152661454,0.0,0.0,0.1985494930480158,0.0,0.044755478622730674,0.0,0.04868436222900875,0.0,0.06851267464448345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741822730287719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834084228601148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843208669314864,0.17841005025302648,0.1412347388160473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519282134626987,0.0,0.04185070524914604,0.0,0.07564216190880342,0.0,0.07193550070061228,0.0,0.0,0.0728277766691233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662464330086612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219613649927013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160951824751327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938806658135911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809793987541234,0.0,0.32816660752470944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611516140516665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750345875740317,0.1646340898128546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798454647534779,0.08936538455681177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464565888008665,0.07258213878913859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063284335440116,0.0,0.06841073031557633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937016208553581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770564671784366,0.07487339957788178,0.0,0.09796331783840538,0.0,0.2276432552405554,0.05488951011561457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631935927392713,0.0,0.08368048454286336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434589603789803,0.0,0.05052636605743024,0.0,0.13742768000558234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729770054079338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236381903202619,0.17399024541738048,0.0,0.1217053378658838,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisaway145666,2018/03/10,"I do not think I am even alive All I do is work and pay bills. I have no education. I have not heard from my family in months. I do not socialize. If this is living, I think I'm good. I have no health insurance. The insurance the restaurant I work at has a $2000 deductible, which is slightly less than 10% of what I make in a year. I do not qualify for benefits from the government. If I am supposed to keep doing this until I die, then I hope that day is tomorrow. I squandered every opportunity I have had and I hate myself for it. ",0.5206845238095248,2.6060835089285703,3.3267857142857125,87.83488095238096,84.44642857142857,7.3047619047619055,21.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.3483904761904766,411,14,92,10,12,145,69,112,0.145,0.752,0.104,-0.5242,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,5,0,17,1,0,1,1,14,25,6,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,19,4,11,23,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,6,72,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546655208611274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26627935815125203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946219590440376,0.0,0.216171457464965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187154836390984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151989090604621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253309952478238,0.0,0.2727221225441964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25483209803198315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805138053171525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265561852796563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126259936071073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047918840961376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615410060544531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32879964585505744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735723195326156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652227954267885
suicidewatch,VegetableSmith,2018/03/11,"I need help I'm a 17 year-old high school senior, and I feel pretty worthless. My parents always fight and for whatever goes wrong in the house, I'm the first one to blame. My dad is always saying how I'm trash because kids of their friends are achieving these big things and I'm not. How I'll get nowhere in life and how I'm the flat-out worst person he's ever encountered. More times than I can count, he's insulted me harshly, calling me a fucker or a retard or a donkey or an idiot. These are a few of the things he's called me. Still hits me. Randomly yells at me. Screams at me for doing things he does all the time. Doesn't help that I have OCD and severe social anxiety. I've essentially lost all my friends as well and I'm finding it difficult to make new friends. I flipped off my mom who was trying to comfort me, out of a surge of emotion, and I feel extremely guilty about it because I love her so much. This isn't the first time either. I just feel like an all-round piece of shit compared to everyone around me. All this been affecting me for a long time now, but I'm on the verge. I don't want to do it because I'm scared and I have big dreams, but I'm constantly told that it's impossible for me to achieve them, which gives me more incentive to get out of this misery.",2.8814944649446517,3.907771863468639,3.9764188191881935,90.68765405904058,73.90774907749078,7.338819188191882,25.358118081180812,7.7348632917899725,1.0870913653136531,1009,32,229,13,20,328,148,271,0.158,0.743,0.099,-0.9202,1,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,2,5,11,19,5,1,16,0,13,4,1,5,4,35,35,18,0,2,8,3,3,1,3,0,1,3,0,2,16,11,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,12,1,3,4,6,28,7,29,30,10,26,0,2,0,2,27,13,2,4,14,138,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034023095731286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350194081623917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880633817662744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352203609221014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496111825490277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208201617477705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696009316261453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748689505787773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055968780470236,0.0,0.1167914131499567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540219549689424,0.08731770483759546,0.0,0.0,0.11171161535123922,0.2079293794945724,0.0,0.0,0.2832926509871705,0.0,0.12771524107761725,0.11724954581205245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638499457027807,0.12913763078480142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103146655053594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633127095227809,0.0597130572015417,0.0,0.0,0.10816545274476988,0.0,0.0,0.13342324031409156,0.0,0.1103130118773163,0.0,0.08158626779182239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431486729816132,0.0,0.0,0.08984958287615262,0.09062843453252936,0.0,0.11804585646210905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825478328890186,0.0,0.08282295639572855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571661639277927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672232718249923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434696564343473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971983820573205,0.12236874410522225,0.12369842420116225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380796820833077,0.12546240783606125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459319570152702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760919985014127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436029687098609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850819800709137,0.0,0.0,0.1167914131499567,0.0,0.0829828853853355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209158767127181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989513035512002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363406519543095,0.0,0.07870901926819565
suicidewatch,jordan130,2018/03/11,"don't want to live on this planet anymore I don't want to get into details because i know a couple of my friends go through reddit and can easily spot me.. I just wanted to say that after years of crippling depression I finally have a legit reason to end my life because in the near future it won't be my depression that is going to cripple me. I am not ready and don't want to be ready to live as a disabled person. I was never needy and always independent. I feel that my deteriorating health is going to take a toll on my mind, because i was a very energetic and athletic person, and after the disease sets in i'll be nothing more than an empty husk of my former self. It's really debilitating because after years of depression and drug abuse i finally started to enjoy life and thought i found myself but it turns out that my body had other plans for me. Anyway i want to choose a painless way to go out, maybe assisted suicide or something, because i don't want to hang myself in my flat and rot for a week, swinging under the ceiling with shit dripping down my pants. ",9.201095607235146,6.288625688372099,9.752713178294574,67.689173126615,61.88372093023256,11.974160206718347,39.23772609819122,9.994966539143718,3.8768966408268737,853,33,158,13,9,292,122,215,0.14800000000000002,0.795,0.058,-0.9449,0,0,2,0,1,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,11,0,16,6,2,2,1,31,34,11,1,6,4,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,3,9,12,0,0,6,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,5,2,26,2,36,25,1,31,0,3,0,0,5,11,1,1,13,113,35,0,0.0,0.13762500164488833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966504900275522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519481644422043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35403587379131624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902232014992096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852359745559866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001330927300173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470323687605626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287909291685364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058731594820023166,0.0,0.0,0.25448484232865026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273582586712042,0.08974127382190276,0.0,0.060686334683435664,0.0,0.2640548680070379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346762083381428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383589892214275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408780529090666,0.0,0.0,0.20513446375902908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669358150670052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728371101925067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958610532414896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145411473147873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028446036963188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744120405824565,0.11942696366600734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237133320108903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211752796131246,0.0,0.11923171593125202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942200203329385,0.0,0.0,0.08221529827958778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705501312012804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733430768426086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221431007574073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634357943507166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584026289363444,0.4110683279800768,0.0921986471084586,0.0931727515852228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960037175239926
suicidewatch,jabez_the_pyro,2018/03/11,"Yoo I’m tired of being rejected, I always feel lonely despite having people to talk to. I’m always fucking depressed and that then repulses the people I like; I’m a shitty person by being destructive and arrogant and nobody truly loves me. Oh and one more thing my palls, I found a lump, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty scared but don’t want to make a big deal out of this shit but as I’m gonna kill myself anyways what’s the point in caring. Anyone offering advice?",1.8932199546485224,3.801431224489797,4.1893197278911565,84.42155328798188,78.59183673469387,6.396371882086169,20.072562358276645,7.3871296695380915,0.7215405895691611,372,9,72,5,9,129,69,98,0.269,0.604,0.127,-0.9479,0,3,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,1,5,0,4,5,1,1,0,13,19,9,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,1,1,6,3,9,14,1,5,0,3,0,2,5,4,2,0,2,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844188701512506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35497830968131294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914975451354653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748149076099976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991094761943447,0.18372167229632372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785481919520692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338809631186123,0.0,0.19719959891532296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599344661571464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421140328146564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251859319712264,0.0,0.14238459481963586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454286741318734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957615036483923,0.18625211969325872,0.0,0.0,0.20164479262219284,0.0,0.0,0.217010690639366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355829258506875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189573636388848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144870795864378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171220613219654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24516590618826406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581445111167538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cherry--waves,2018/03/11,"Goodbye, Reddit. I don't think I'll last the night. ",-1.552727272727271,0.20096690909091208,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,107.1818181818182,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.451763636363636,40,1,9,0,2,13,10,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828823102090207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6710503051649699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581917724964029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puleknow,2018/03/11,"really considering killing myself Recently, I've had the bad habit of constantly losing brain power,being unable to sleep well even after a supposed good nights sleep, and pretty much always having bad luck thrown at me. 

In response to my faltering habits I started to work harder on school and be more active with life. Got two jobs right now (although only part time because of school) and I'am going to go on vacation pretty soon to relax. The problem is pretty much that. I recently discovered that I'am actually more stupid and unintelligent then I was about 3 months ago and its getting worse and worse. In response I started to work harder. 

However people are also noticing how dumb I have become and are pointing it out for me. 

It seems every time time I relax I get a hell of lot dumber. I forget a shit ton of information which I need in order to basically survive, as a physics major that is kinda important. 

However it seems no amount of work I put into the major seems to be fruitful. 

Even disregarding physics, it seems that i'am unintelligent in pretty much everything now. Its harder for me to form words, and I'am having trouble processing basic things. Every moment of my life is very painful right now. I took some anti-depressants and adderal to help me get back on school, and while this did help 

my very VERY serious mental retardation is still getting the better of me. I used to work 12-16 hours a day and then I had a mental breakdown so sadly I could not work as hard. My teachers did not take notice and though I was slacking off and was scolded accordingly. (rightfully so of course). 

My grades are absolute horrible (anything lower than a perfect score). and while this seems to be an exaggeration, I'am certain that graduate schools could care less of your inability to not perform and are just looking for bright minds really, so whenever I'am not doing my best I'am basically wasting time. 

Recently it has become so bad I had not been able to go to school for about 2 weeks, instead staying home completing materials and assignments by myself. 

Its becoming alot harder to also talk to people, as being a degenerate sub-human mentally retarded person will do that for you. I recently attended an astrophysics conference which while certainly benefited me it showed me just how I much I work inefficiently and how I'am basically a sub-human. Alot of those people at the conference do not work as hard, they are mostly just much much much smarter. 

I feel as if my brain is decaying, I going slowly insane due to the amount of stress I have everyday. I'am dying it would seem. Its becoming so painful that I'am seriously considering killing myself as I have gotten to a place in which almost everyone hates me/ wants me dead/ its trying to forbid me from learning that which I'am passionate about(physics)

(edit: you may have noticed that this rant was utter gibberish, I conclude that this is evidence of my mental retardation.)",6.909434060228456,8.310418514018693,7.299291277258567,69.19957035306335,64.79439252336448,10.355659397715474,32.99195223260644,10.442506126195006,3.784880581516096,2375,97,378,59,36,775,263,535,0.185,0.7120000000000001,0.103,-0.9942,6,0,0,0,0,2,57.0,0,3,1,14,26,35,7,1,20,0,40,11,5,5,3,67,67,41,4,7,10,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,32,20,1,2,10,3,0,7,7,21,1,1,13,6,49,14,63,45,23,60,1,2,2,1,9,18,3,16,33,277,81,18,0.056427828978266314,0.0,0.05506542127059951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001986572885616,0.0,0.05650431973872545,0.0,0.0,0.09025062889421294,0.04695247404904944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643529528648885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338951740227202,0.14134464061458402,0.0343978808009781,0.24928041518851066,0.0,0.0,0.05921752519229698,0.04990582917239377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598423788646296,0.0,0.0,0.05753193236100406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059163505099339375,0.06097843677200442,0.0,0.0901060597298248,0.0,0.0,0.0363912815331624,0.0,0.048601206414473,0.0,0.05856317767417404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454009771323028,0.0,0.09508575925299433,0.05391920875021957,0.05071369419824915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028531605797966625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179248466735624,0.0,0.12827694235271134,0.0473289857467572,0.0451304896141977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109650241874536,0.055710798826521364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564476863309236,0.0,0.056601713309152736,0.0,0.05557004502302915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599591330408176,0.0,0.12485806457208876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971328875301609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738516462986308,0.06312830694702179,0.0,0.047972922319062083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746391857230036,0.0,0.05697602150219586,0.0,0.04504015473756154,0.0,0.2903666287776959,0.04184052019295967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295369497013625,0.0,0.0,0.19273037187866535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291590667332917,0.12008637698126047,0.0,0.0,0.06110583993167072,0.0,0.11735985506178673,0.0492706037409955,0.05895507123110625,0.0,0.0533425374706373,0.0,0.0,0.22962955296640225,0.0,0.05399381158743803,0.0,0.056725553594100725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229822432123446,0.0,0.222862694448108,0.0,0.0,0.14456717289306004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855398773200884,0.0,0.3082186573246256,0.0,0.0,0.05792235555649905,0.0,0.0,0.11293716096302045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987981556651749,0.060144557729284565,0.04506333711284167,0.0,0.06463788744487085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242670486169296,0.045354551484558206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037488142229473095,0.0,0.0554400554714103,0.0,0.13161408343122896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269339424394389,0.03831079185626849,0.0,0.05512178962753148,0.0,0.0,0.0487355267860264,0.0,0.13967660552216488,0.03328259552601793,0.0,0.04526300073219088,0.0,0.05073539496129048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287560920838642,0.0,0.11500955698630055,0.04008471071265461,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angryoptimist1,2018/03/11,"it's insidious I've dealt with a handful of genetic disorders for a while, as well as depression from life, but this weekend I got hit with a cycle of depression that I thought I'd be completely fine. I prepared myself. Got my favorite foods. Found some new games to distract myself. Hit up my friends for company, and that's when it all fell apart. my friends are shallow trash and I'm sick of them. No one wants to talk about what's really going on. They're all so goddamn happy and they just want to talk about small talk and it's hard for me to understand them. It's hard for me to understand small talk and to understand the idea that everything is ""okay"". Nothing has been ""okay"" since I was 12 years old, I've had to deal with bullshit in my head as long as I can remember, and I guess since they're so goddamn normal it doesn't register to them as important? It's sickening, I know they have empathy, I know that they know that it's important, I know they know that I'm depressed and suicidal sometimes, but it's like they DON'T CARE. They're so obsessed with their own lives they can't give a shit about anyone else for a moment, and it's sickening. It's sickening because I do want to die sometimes but I'll be goddamned if I ever let another person feel that way. I'll do everything I can, spend every last dime, spend all my time with someone who's suffering. Strangers even. But the people that are supposed to love me... they do nothing. And I hate to feel like this but it's so normal to think, fuck them, I can't wait to off myself so they have to live with the guilt for the rest of their selfish, shitty lives. That'll show them what's important. It makes me feel unbalanced and I don't like that, but part of me just wants to tell them to go fuck themselves and bite the bullet myself.",2.62686475409836,4.5051924890710415,3.6045047814207685,89.59151127049181,76.29508196721312,7.416530054644808,25.09870218579235,8.278499904357787,1.485601366120219,1425,50,302,26,32,457,167,366,0.235,0.632,0.133,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,16,0,14,27,4,6,10,2,23,9,3,1,4,56,58,30,2,7,9,0,6,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,27,17,1,1,16,3,3,3,6,15,1,1,7,6,45,12,46,45,7,22,0,4,0,3,29,7,3,3,14,189,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554350629597773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371071631819787,0.09335953537586036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554372121029722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289925824902624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553382814700204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939370235287604,0.2354353056098302,0.0,0.09456445391923478,0.0,0.1044273061819998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761160733930753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060181533134655324,0.082420014382679,0.07676950992381452,0.0,0.1637791181607747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821359233961547,0.06509358547836859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017833136551736,0.09990444665548172,0.14079263326740793,0.16847131590036155,0.0,0.08740716841804362,0.10356711747698376,0.0,0.1457482423245058,0.0,0.1003750042892856,0.0,0.0,0.09699511866109446,0.16324482249857847,0.08995859647072406,0.09351172944589067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285934243330584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25037599544433353,0.07427203982325918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317270823095053,0.06435821893899273,0.13354463451665452,0.0,0.2413723927953851,0.08063516049973636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223612246070712,0.0,0.0608209149134835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800080192528256,0.0,0.0,0.17854948279406233,0.17485731629656046,0.0,0.0956113506940372,0.0,0.06174284129139524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867019881612173,0.0,0.06316864991914864,0.07955933953858761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058371508973657324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321713674007013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352969118906916,0.1507448810362059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720264321575475,0.0,0.18023292964909385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966656982442977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929436935783253,0.0796397633135998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058383719967996885,0.0,0.07233625614823888,0.05313071464888842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845662059570219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497129055690656,0.07232396954746692,0.0,0.0,0.08192460022549139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867598424835033
suicidewatch,CreatedForFutabae,2018/03/11,"If guilt is the only thing keeping you alive, should you just kill yourself? Basically title. At this point, all that's keeping me from suicide is the guilt of thinking about what it might do to my little sister. Honestly that's even a bit of a stretch, she might not care or be affected as I think at all. So, if that's it, would it just be better off to kill myself?",4.093599999999999,4.726940493333338,4.8919999999999995,86.70600000000002,70.73333333333333,7.6,27.0,7.554174236665415,1.3038000000000003,287,9,61,3,5,93,54,75,0.252,0.6559999999999999,0.091,-0.9378,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,2,2,4,0,9,0,0,1,2,17,14,5,3,4,6,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,10,8,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,5,0,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874163466671107,0.2313498141271869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605541393876246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996393833439028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376709025767842,0.468891965168899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238855282533572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496040587841133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116639230335092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003225607206313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179412198912214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407829661684365,0.2715655436377519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053411923129414,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1235744,2018/03/11,"just want to know that i once existed I think my upbringing is driving me crazy because I am nothing but a bundle of contradictions
I dont want to die but I dont want to continue living 
I want to kill myself but I'm afraid of pain
people say to live for the people you love but I want them to know that while I was here I was suffering.
I've told a few people these thoughts but I don't want to be a burden but at the same time if they become tired of me it would justify these thoughts to just finally get it over with. I like to think people care only when it is convenient because true friendship takes time that I don't have. I am a convenience to be around and if I'm not perhaps I'm a joke because I can't see why someone would want to be around someone as self loathing as I am. or maybe I'm great at hiding it

I set a date to disappear but I backtracked because I'm a coward but I'm also disgusted with myself that I can't bring myself to do it. I am an entitled prick because I have a roof and an education yet I can't help it but want to lose everything I have and leave this place. I know so many people in the world have it worse in every way possible yet here I am so maybe this is some sort of divine retribution that I don't deserve what I have. I'm set to go to college but I don't think I will make it past this school year

the school counselor I talked to basically told me that these were common thoughts and dismissed me in less than ten minutes which I find hilarious because all I want is antidepressants in case I actually go crazy

I have hotline numbers saved into my phone which I will never use because it has gotten to a point where I am content with wallowing in my self pity and going deeper into this spiral of what ever the fuck it is.

I just wanted to get this off my chest before I lose it. I was once a person with a heart and a clear mind",3.4279574074074084,3.986902555,4.9672777777777775,85.83646296296297,72.2,8.025925925925927,26.564814814814817,8.167268648758528,1.4686620370370371,1482,47,327,21,27,501,178,400,0.181,0.6759999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,2,2,15,19,4,1,19,0,39,7,3,2,5,65,81,26,2,14,17,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,3,29,14,0,0,10,1,0,6,11,11,0,1,10,2,52,8,45,64,5,40,1,4,1,2,13,17,2,5,15,225,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.07708751466028005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317210072536679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064421236805014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337081412534405,0.08724353331436792,0.06721874347590187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054044765260097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081984114773691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516259851838388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145530523096894,0.06655651306451227,0.0,0.07099541880871417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653492532319355,0.07219980203695803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302940548171763,0.08254302915515084,0.0,0.13468366961541195,0.0,0.0,0.08709202892623114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360920012684534,0.05294853899619964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739602513759444,0.0,0.13024040321504016,0.0,0.0,0.08364407097244149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859286158755771,0.0,0.13950768415256984,0.0,0.0,0.1767499158262308,0.0,0.0,0.0712958772872537,0.0,0.05272963214239725,0.08008831288902729,0.1587217575550114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976221359047338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092564777755501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579762634975094,0.0,0.0,0.16825373503159527,0.0,0.06007909334938344,0.08405602038847389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754094603716917,0.27382518644340176,0.0689751989645223,0.08253273675129877,0.0,0.07467560484241298,0.08905475048129914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281982335307182,0.0,0.1598938787435321,0.06294861585766312,0.0,0.16481757697453744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338640493316555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593942470164911,0.06349301561310368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185000495617595,0.0,0.18813910556988012,0.09212498834927847,0.09079288432530508,0.0,0.15096580391449707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682261308259556,0.0,0.0,0.4659317065669921,0.06270238313153728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128050627218985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050243424712869,0.11223125705440387,0.0,0.0,0.050870051353382406
suicidewatch,deadbreadz,2018/03/11,How to get help? I need help really badly. My BPD is out of control and I don’t have any friends left to talk to about it. I’ve pushed them away or they thought I was too clingy. I’ve been self harm free since December but I feel the urge at times to cut. My parents aren’t taking it serious because they think I’m just trying to copy the white kids at my school. It’s hard to talk them about anything without them constantly comparing me to other  kids. I can’t afford therapy and I need help. ,1.387211538461539,3.3471694519230795,2.7621538461538457,93.78284615384615,80.44230769230771,6.467692307692308,21.93846153846154,7.554174236665415,0.7098415384615384,389,12,88,6,10,126,71,104,0.099,0.79,0.112,0.319,3,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,1,6,6,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,14,15,5,0,2,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,3,3,15,3,15,12,0,8,0,0,1,0,15,5,0,1,2,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823368391034373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517658001260135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716719398023828,0.0,0.15744760387086615,0.11495017894136254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749660550961746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377657155865134,0.21149665868743744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534637354366968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456882797466747,0.0,0.09851974824545943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892117730476916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37918235751189133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204881245732358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27964369729682004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093840448003587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080241034256332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084233812395535,0.0,0.0,0.19671904891492334,0.0,0.0,0.15598658743082042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417807493421312,0.3031299421682373,0.0,0.0,0.21564558592001865,0.0,0.0,0.1208276815335062,0.0,0.1497030700681029,0.10995635551764137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802627012819165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817742087598092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CantForgiveMyself12,2018/03/11,"I sexually assaulted someone and cannot deal with the guilt I'm uploading this kinda late in the day so I might re upload it tomorrow morning.

Basically what the title said. I was at a party at a friends house in town early fall this past year and had a lot to drink. In fact I do not remember most the night except what happened.

What happened is that I me and this girl ended up getting in the same bed to sleep. We did not have intercourse. But I did come on to her. She told me to stop so I did stop my advances. But I had started groping and feeling her up in this time and continued to do so even after she told me she did not want to sleep together. She moved my hands away a couple times but I did not stop. 

The next morning everything seemed fine. We talked casually a bit then even cuddled a bit. I had a sinking feeling all morning though that something was off. Later in the day her boyfriend texted me. Now I had no idea she had one and did not find out until later that they had been dating in secret (thats another story). He was just like wtf did you do and disgusted. I broke down after that text conversation. I fully realized what I did and it all came back to me. I immediately called and went to see my therapist and called a women's center asking for advice.

I immediately apologized the same day and she accepted my apology and we moved on. I still felt tremendously guilty and awful and had contact with her on occasion checking in to see if she was okay and telling her I still felt super guilty and how it negatively affected me.

Things were manageable until recently she politely asked me to stop contacting her for a bit because she had been having a hard time with the incident. This is when I fell back down the rabbit hole. i had felt bad about it but now that I know she is upset about it I just feel awful. I can't eat, I puke sometimes out of stress. I want to die. I cannot live with what I've done. I have a history of anxiety and depression and see a therapist weekly. I have so much more to say but I don't want this to be long.

TLDR: I groped a girl when we shared a the same bed at a party. She moved my hand away a few times but I continued to do so. I apologized the next day and things were manageable but I still felt awful. She told me recently she had been struggling with it after talking with a Women's Center and understanding the magnitude of what happened and asked me to not contact her for a little while. I have not since that interaction. I feel awful, I want to die to be free of this guilt.

EDIT: Please stop saying she is doing what she has for attention she is not that kind of person. I want to focus on what I did not what she did. Maybe she didn't make the best decisions but I did not either and at the end of the day I'm the one who caused all this. ",2.1389302884615367,4.0369267204861154,3.8692361111111104,87.05129807692309,77.80208333333333,7.416880341880343,23.056089743589745,8.324003586134276,1.3240927884615386,2205,69,467,43,52,739,233,576,0.175,0.737,0.087,-0.9951,0,0,2,0,0,2,44.0,4,1,1,3,22,21,2,5,35,5,55,7,4,4,4,103,92,44,2,6,23,0,11,1,1,1,0,3,2,5,34,36,2,5,19,2,2,9,17,10,0,2,42,17,84,12,67,47,16,88,0,2,3,1,64,29,0,6,51,355,118,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763722712099253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257917522988205,0.05295017032190881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412328869152454,0.0,0.1300617151051983,0.10644590388553372,0.05779259957386035,0.04219352660298581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263808602107595,0.0,0.2266983484360845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141354869373242,0.07916484371979536,0.0,0.07110405926361794,0.0,0.05962359006636511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076586360730646,0.0,0.22319347438441212,0.07135881815083105,0.059615774228974024,0.0,0.1436708853924736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083215950579122,0.0,0.06780548257106027,0.0,0.07082540800195004,0.0,0.0,0.1226099405518714,0.0,0.0,0.09143323724067652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062207018440178674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999107389524734,0.0,0.26583345939413744,0.0,0.06326231314715504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347623086668065,0.0,0.03616258501550257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362285599082576,0.0,0.062004080846644175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986615154091545,0.0,0.07813661574624077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207797579689378,0.038039389491142134,0.0,0.07807883945277709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03381551785622808,0.06937277261835732,0.061119134348710434,0.06125412045764968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884510112130981,0.0,0.0,0.046202321981701266,0.0,0.06953693255676835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342740398059762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206974613910812,0.05088183919085521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722433550143452,0.06495467410844995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938053180379801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607465341594636,0.0,0.060436878123949773,0.0,0.07597855469043557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668520862398534,0.0,0.07840841250871726,0.0,0.06584041523695784,0.11008693167265733,0.0,0.0,0.16546894601715054,0.06301178936287534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725631997344394,0.0,0.13853228729786732,0.0,0.0586466248455257,0.05328597892184252,0.06845654869873291,0.0,0.04899155187274819,0.0,0.16582833613714398,0.28933903092774177,0.07928687349217194,0.07235975528413507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126664957660884,0.06049797166641593,0.0,0.0,0.16073058522153247,0.09196827767429276,0.0,0.06800452239887532,0.0,0.16144199006658708,0.0,0.0,0.19841701138312368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205646002661892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041274123642411,0.0,0.05552102574500336,0.0,0.0,0.06416407058594753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457293548924425
suicidewatch,itsnotjune,2018/03/11,"not sure what im waiting for i'm really exhausted and i just want it to all be over with. my life consists of nothing but going back and fourth to appointments to help me but i cant even afford to be helped. everyday feels like nothing and i just sit here alone and very suicidal. i can't fix my head and i want it all to be over. i have a disassociation problem too that just makes it all feel like hell and i just want a break. 

i'm so scared

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suicidewatch,ItsMeSo,2018/03/11,"Someone do me a favour Please just try to trigger me, insult me or whatever you think the best to just give me that little push over the edge. I'm so triggered. I just need something like that. I won't respond to any comments trying to help. Just need 'help' on committing suicide and what's above.",2.246836158192089,4.610065576271187,2.8450000000000024,92.17959039548029,79.67796610169492,5.289265536723164,25.08757062146893,6.42735559955562,0.7986248587570621,235,9,47,2,6,73,44,59,0.114,0.655,0.231,0.7269,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,12,7,3,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,6,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379364184834307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836328849517352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592687029652681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623140934924013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204082611587534,0.2708826830753266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008052485028264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29667654865050674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289998581844816,0.20806792630376186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956327582171505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317883217533908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669927233092933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ayyta,2018/03/11,"just wanted to chat for background, i'm a 21yo woman, unemployed and in college. so i know some folks swing by to help when they're feeling good/better and are in a clearer space of mind than i am in the moment so i'd just like to kinda have a conversation or wtv with someone who's not doing it out of a sense of obligation or worry (ie, well intentioned twitter buddies who worry when i vent, which is uncomfy and embarrassing for everyone).

I'm just wondering if anyone's got tips on how to keep being productive or going abt ur business when existing is objectively not-good. Like, it's not the worst it could be, but there seems to be no point when you're stressed more often than not and ""suicide isn't the answer"" means nothing bc no one can really give better alternatives and the conversation just sounds like ""it's better for you to accept living in constant pain because your death or your desire to die makes people around you upset"".

I'm just not satisfied with any aspect of my life, i hate what i'm doing and honestly feel like i would hate to be doing anything i can realistically acquire the skills for (which is a difficult thing for me in itself with my financial situation, intellectual limitations, little emotional stamina and discipline). It's difficult for me to connect to other people so I'm also very lonely.

I have no intention in life, and even things i think i would kinda-like to achieve (getting more conventionally attractive, getting a so, getting my degree and a job) not only imply more work than i'm willing to do but also don't seem like they would feel that great. I have bad trust issues that makes the idea of having a meaningful relationship (a good friend or a date or wtv) too stressful. I imagine a job i could realistically get would be as stressful and challenging as going to college - which i'm not great at. there are limitations on how attractive i can get at this point in my life too, and it wouldn't quite make the cut with most people either way.

no healthy coping mechanism seems to work. it's actually kinda stupid and attests to the meaninglessness of life when everything that makes you feel better in any quantifiable capacity (drugs, alcohol, high fat + high carb foods, even sex) will slowly ruin you. Anything in an obnoxious self-help blog, like journaling, exercising, meditating, ""indulging in the arts"" - whatever the fuck that means, stresses me out more than helps (feels wrong, actually bad, or stupid) or is a huge waste of time when I should be doing coursework or chores or anything actually productive that alas, makes me feel like shit. Not that I /do/ any of that, my house is nasty rn and I'm absurdly behind in college shit and I've just been reading fiction and playing window's solitaire all weekend.

tldr, i guess i'm not the worst and just generally unlikable or at best uninteresting, and dont have the drive to pursue anything worthwhile in my life. I can't imagine a reality in which i'm not-sad-all-the-time and all coping methods that do anything for me are self-destructive. I need something that will make me continue on with life and do the senseless shit i should be doing, but i don't think it exists so i kinda hoped anyone had a more positive but rational argument as to why i should keep living or how to do it despite being unable to ever be satisfied with anything ever. I'm sorry for being kind of a downer, have a nice day.",9.19982564102564,7.5470952800000015,9.32553846153846,66.79379487179486,60.815384615384616,12.35897435897436,38.12820512820512,11.20814326018867,4.239020512820511,2732,107,483,60,30,907,284,650,0.179,0.639,0.181,-0.3906,4,2,4,0,0,2,79.0,0,6,1,13,34,51,9,6,30,0,58,17,4,11,4,125,108,55,3,15,33,0,6,7,1,11,11,1,2,1,30,28,3,5,21,7,0,3,18,25,1,1,3,7,41,26,73,82,13,48,1,2,0,2,19,29,4,25,22,327,71,11,0.0,0.0,0.17671074763006114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450750136726173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965412639365063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314255285346905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441156300819737,0.0,0.2980315253078517,0.05373404505888837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079774824673947,0.036795476441014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334509575503727,0.16015307212151295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522874611479991,0.0,0.09638661803511722,0.0,0.0,0.038927820875340365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264513900983441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074258687567518,0.0,0.0699995416555274,0.0,0.0,0.06789794728735395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973567979920602,0.10919987467183502,0.0,0.057677476899402634,0.05424853207978453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312186760066806,0.08624375316381963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729887034525614,0.0,0.046634722229403104,0.055802728014279636,0.15768053207597135,0.057903725861738274,0.06860904073675214,0.15188370964751755,0.04827616785402139,0.13309632661870455,0.06649439441785872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191878882069414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137602247486826,0.1275493208883522,0.0,0.05995204553675342,0.0,0.06964843505757709,0.0,0.06814016829936924,0.0,0.06300115222288556,0.1197978631703855,0.10730317613788926,0.0,0.06285664351561703,0.033172800961198345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558083553447235,0.2064251873584882,0.0604975318736679,0.10659965397933822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417484273349453,0.0,0.0,0.1315015455525632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094735512971317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044756881505213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057917961941810224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04090214362010772,0.045907224403729456,0.0642283093058316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255400530931545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412122113923542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420130304247015,0.06037728710830635,0.0,0.03866877185154215,0.0,0.0,0.06480507361212029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485103268261142,0.12593927554545384,0.0,0.1858789512311986,0.0,0.06784823972165586,0.0,0.0,0.05114363924004926,0.04646881026333263,0.0,0.06756914458631041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27657306895569345,0.0,0.0,0.06602508514052545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020226956439341,0.07735372228618073,0.0,0.0,0.03519695685774436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980410738661438,0.03560245372844503,0.04791171458478148,0.0,0.0,0.05427174542597464,0.0,0.05446637115542368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545887824422986,0.08788698474349597,0.1225989546652177,0.0,0.17151475548230918,0.06599522602219318,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_i_demand_euphoria_,2018/03/11,What is it like to call a suicide hotline? Sometimes I admit I feel like calling a hotline but the thought of talking to a stranger about my problems seems like the most horribly awkward experience I could imagine... anyone care to share what it's like?,6.746524822695032,7.706598404255325,6.337021276595745,77.53333333333335,64.95744680851064,7.9687943262411345,43.326241134751776,7.793537801064563,3.789785815602838,203,13,34,2,3,63,34,47,0.222,0.471,0.307,0.4944,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,6,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922037208117388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942424885914855,0.0,0.24674729708658144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932268374886575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23673411097931416,0.0,0.0,0.1223685060326598,0.1728933747932283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729392279834885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315727374669736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031857638436114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935599204515745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647217768751869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452002618591732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213044347560915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e-d-g-y,2018/03/11,"I’m a useless person There’s literally nothing i’m good for and nothing i do that’ll ever make me worth anything to anyone else. i have vaginismus. i can’t have sex. i have binge eating disorder. i’m fat. i’m ugly. and i’m sooooo fucking depressed. 

i don’t have good friends. i recently moved (like, two years ago) and i haven’t met anyone here who’s really become a friend of mine. i have some friends back home, but they’re really far away and it isn’t the same, anyway. 

i’m in the process of being diagnosed with bipolar 2. nobody likes me. i’m no one’s first choice, ever. no boy has ever liked me. i can’t get any work done, either. i get hypomanic and finish weeks worth of work in a few days. then i get depressed for months and can’t do anything. i’m so fucking depressed. i can’t do it anymore. i can’t. ",-0.5649084778420033,1.6427267167630075,2.022406069364166,93.40177866088636,93.97109826589596,4.733044315992292,19.347061657032754,6.42735559955562,0.17208304431599242,634,21,139,8,24,217,94,173,0.165,0.728,0.107,-0.857,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,8,14,2,0,5,0,20,7,1,1,3,15,35,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,3,0,1,2,4,7,2,0,0,0,2,1,10,6,0,3,2,0,17,8,10,31,4,18,0,4,0,3,7,4,2,1,16,80,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125444456051828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633873852949557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591251615586654,0.17755002714868967,0.1300879114102694,0.20895836037864365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928528893983027,0.0976261953117963,0.0,0.0,0.1402199192201944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188019990323846,0.0,0.3280574079092995,0.12886409301945442,0.0,0.0,0.1455098303641475,0.0,0.0,0.12992654457995464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299141603808716,0.10606073576300394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445340902656009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799409354670532,0.0,0.0,0.29427234502569405,0.2347492575855783,0.19899773267927606,0.0,0.0,0.2129799584348543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273535694640451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608214484335706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474834155186434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134012099089312,0.13494086469657288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436475608008004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603296102317742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085860991154224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267064007287865,0.0,0.1253599846144226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402374864467493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184152335484284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848601775767239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175957828067132
suicidewatch,alternative-account-,2018/03/11,I survived I survived my attempt. I don’t know how or why. I feel numb right now. I still have this urge to try again.,-1.8761538461538483,0.0006371538461564796,0.10653846153846304,105.87596153846157,100.53846153846158,2.6,18.03846153846154,3.1291,-1.1843538461538463,90,3,23,0,4,29,21,26,0.092,0.654,0.254,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826583842699419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072239414414913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774018422210911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464357929351213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795393292222846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044305195077484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lil-Miss-Anthropy,2018/03/11,"I just learned that my mom is not safe to talk to about suicide. I (21/F) just told my mom that someone very dear to me is contemplating suicide, and she responded by saying that suicide is the easy option and that it's very selfish. ""Suicide is anything but easy!"" I countered. ""I didn't expect such an insensitive response from you."" She reminded me that she was feeling suicidal a few years ago but chose not to act upon it because of the responsibilities of caring for me, my sister, and our various pets. It's true that taking her own life would have been very hard on all of us, but that doesn't mean she should get to pass judgement on others who aren't as good at coping. 

I grew up telling my mother everything, and I still tell her most things. It hurts knowing that if I ever turn to self-harm myself, she is likely off the list of people I can turn to for help. It's paradoxical because her raising me and caring for me throughout my life is what gives me a will to live and keeps my depression in constant check. She will always give me a place to stay if I need it so I can stay on my feet and supports me as a matter of duty, but I feel uneasy entrusting her with my feelings.",6.110894230769232,5.4544724291666675,6.655000000000001,80.23153846153849,66.375,9.217948717948717,31.794871794871803,8.384062270229773,2.225602564102564,933,32,191,11,13,306,139,240,0.159,0.743,0.098,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,2,1,0,0,7,11,0,0,8,0,18,3,1,0,3,37,35,16,5,6,10,4,4,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,18,8,0,3,6,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,4,5,41,8,31,27,5,19,0,2,0,0,27,9,0,4,6,142,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279124811542867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710096689854112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614155482940586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762218552726567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134535841902615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312036075574315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015951037455244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468777152039397,0.0,0.0,0.09407836091980896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587859108068381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054690239304000215,0.2008344709571329,0.0,0.08779942919649583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377144963154176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016384782914513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206058839346784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304313449159668,0.0,0.0,0.05752861177807926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787515813963525,0.05114066826121513,0.0,0.09243310681886716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140256647480504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24519658312844986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761784310955819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725709493694665,0.0,0.10936683980565837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324461089880245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920259189058903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869382390110506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223146883652316,0.08359645181003802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5725069003227616,0.1187880157857779,0.0,0.0,0.07870526720087302,0.08413668006988996,0.182987391328608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954379937479023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002487220678168,0.0,0.0,0.2277204787493633,0.0,0.0,0.1259154469274147,0.0,0.0,0.2591123820520587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436066217241667,0.0,0.0,0.06740957559708495
suicidewatch,see-you-next-tuesday,2018/03/11,"Escitalopram is doing nothing for me I've been on escitalopram (Lexapro) for 4 weeks now and it's doing nothing, I know it takes time to work but I can't live like this.

I have no motivation for school or anything. The only time I get temporary relief is when I am at the gym, but the thoughts of jumping off a bridge and cutting come back as soon as I leave.

I wish I was never born. I have an objectively good life - there is something wrong with my brain. I want to die, I am a complete waste of space.

My psychiatrist didn't even remember who I was at my last appointment, because I am totally useless and forgettable.",2.7424926686217006,4.714576709677424,4.507976539589446,82.82060117302055,76.25806451612904,7.734897360703813,28.20821114369501,8.575989854853784,2.1297193548387097,488,21,100,10,11,165,85,124,0.194,0.684,0.121,-0.8675,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,6,0,15,2,1,1,2,16,22,9,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,0,17,3,14,17,1,17,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,11,71,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401536372848774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325728919845755,0.0,0.12149768610824713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249616884655526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168814303418292,0.2089730182278792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068525854754395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316425486622217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413138594500457,0.0,0.0,0.1671719920000914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953570787365964,0.1624644655495758,0.0,0.21104078989083566,0.0,0.0,0.1407787327307475,0.09737292672267618,0.0,0.1759946133486249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372036155225338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824871446530203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158443591963114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257796742345768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171262634898726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343877751518775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498565129554911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823008527767055,0.2324388337856181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175583567919362,0.0,0.1598746703930875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291969656498672,0.0,0.0,0.14510024489672452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179144838290422,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ta145236987,2018/03/11,"I've been sitting here watching television with my dad for three hours, but I don't remember a thing. I know he's said things to me and I responded. I know we've gone through multiple episodes of this damn show. But I couldn't tell you anything that's happened or what's been said.

I don't even know what I've been thinking about. I'm just sort of sitting here. It's been like this for years. There's no happiness left. No drive. No big event I'm looking forward to. I've dropped out of college and am working a low paying braindead job; I couldn't find anything else. I'm sick of being alone. I finally had my first real chance with a girl a few months ago at age 23, but I fucked it up purely because of inexperience. And quite frankly, I don't think I have it in me to go through all the rejection that will lead to another chance. With every 'no', something inside me gave a little. Every time I watched someone around me with their partner, it gave a little more. When she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore, it collapsed. 

Relationships are a normal part of life to everyone around me. I think they take them for granted. This isn't a bad thing; I think it's how it should be. But for me, a relationship is a seemingly unattainable thing, and that fact hurts me. It's a vicious cycle, really. I don't know when it started, but I do know I'm caught in it. My inability to make that connection with someone kills me inside, which makes it harder to form a connection. After all, who wants to get in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be alive? What good could I possibly bring them?

Every morning I wake up with a tightness in my chest and a sense of impending doom. It never goes away. I just get used to it after awhile.

I'm tired of feeling like this. I've tried meds, therapy, journals, exercise, hobbies, and so on. None of it has helped. I'm just done.

Fuck it.",2.1022642877864826,4.154593522193213,3.3168690165361205,90.23130584566292,78.53002610966055,6.5532056861038575,25.260298810559913,7.594959193182576,1.2222817522483314,1481,56,315,22,36,479,194,383,0.17,0.7490000000000001,0.081,-0.989,1,1,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,4,4,14,14,5,0,16,0,27,8,2,5,5,59,67,16,1,8,9,1,2,2,1,2,4,3,0,2,33,16,0,1,13,2,1,7,15,10,0,2,14,8,39,4,49,45,7,42,1,4,3,2,25,18,3,3,18,201,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263119246259112,0.0,0.0,0.09654463654541798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977460887816566,0.0,0.0,0.09244615582739513,0.0,0.0,0.15341919719154967,0.16596567855579186,0.0,0.0,0.08758038315743408,0.0,0.07783225079338592,0.0568241810999337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442614104505263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539329332029917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787079160087143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061568909378029335,0.0,0.2356178757818944,0.08907278039932287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047133285457791135,0.06659420019163384,0.0,0.10211460079462993,0.08519859391938735,0.07929028110357436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235511694689098,0.0974040069842018,0.0,0.05297733489288792,0.07818594618984312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243143173034632,0.09923116544063644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248134960609548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179990826732234,0.0,0.09979066167418227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250342882625638,0.0,0.10313073229833744,0.0,0.25614796052892785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128047749638,0.0,0.06584188110861608,0.09108217612293017,0.18685572465948366,0.0,0.0,0.07827875187883516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444606189139235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354300550986373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440487175313018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189465037062634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133280886218643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094486153467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050880931635342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991476894390911,0.0,0.10610128491583624,0.05971715838838304,0.0,0.0,0.3002403226140841,0.10559662087687084,0.0,0.2660119677354706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486120072109653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369472309683304,0.07176295418093255,0.0,0.0,0.06597942955038125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700875374992789,0.07492424496079766,0.08147571381027452,0.0,0.10660169423460662,0.0,0.2477167701665015,0.23891860354032035,0.0,0.0,0.05435554704277943,0.10713915916891192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328818298773115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050950627199939,0.0,0.0,0.164945298222486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786304215135608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060028652789057065
suicidewatch,RainFilledHeart,2018/03/11,"Only a few hours left I don't know if there's any point to writing this but. I am.


I'm killing myself in a few hours. I know it doesn't mean anything. I'm a stranger on the internet. It's something I've wanted for ten years, and I'm scared. I'm not really scared of failing, but of the time between doing it and dying. It won't be instant and I could fail but. It's that time when I'm still conscious and feeling the guilt of what I'm doing to my family even though they don't care. 


And I know, ""think of your family! Of what it will do to them!"" That's the problem. I'm always worrying about them and they never extend the courtesy the other way. Even the times I'd been hospitalised they made it about themselves. So I want to do this for myself because I'm tired. I'm so incredibly tired and I can't fight it anymore. I can't ignore this call to the other side. Even if there's nothing. I just need this all to stop. There's nothing left inside me other than this desire to die. 

I don't know. ",-0.22984973166368405,1.9254036697674408,1.9596511627906992,95.74126565295171,89.04651162790701,4.610017889087658,18.036672629695886,6.093298490706669,-0.2875939177101965,779,21,177,7,26,261,105,215,0.25,0.6920000000000001,0.058,-0.9935,0,0,1,0,1,1,26.0,0,1,5,2,14,10,2,3,11,0,16,2,0,1,2,34,37,16,3,8,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,20,7,0,2,8,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,2,1,20,1,20,31,3,17,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,2,10,117,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061516456782138,0.0,0.0,0.08675457859594847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651895852434775,0.0,0.0,0.1049823914936893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776782222492458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026714329287434,0.0,0.13007002128979198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185732189435047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648029869422848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527839331642561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405305049095766,0.0,0.0645051612430962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512690480780491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114154045086186,0.0,0.28044496088956605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721867755356505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071344186049802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896529962356335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459437792086108,0.09839280180937794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482105973766374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702564585600912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059850416497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207092538847784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172706174433288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25544731706550144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821256646467856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188062484807688,0.10665743364683948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174415859013824,0.12534063952910718,0.0,0.2231679773049819,0.2932546997526573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504926996536271,0.10126216760078273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295574162037334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215336337696133
suicidewatch,kranmayo,2018/03/11,"PTSD and discovery. Time to go. I was diagnosed with PTSD ages ago but I could never figure out what the he'll triggered it. No one traumatic had even happened.  I couldn't place it until my mom fell out of contact. 

She used to be deep in drugs and disappear for long times. I was about 3 when this started. My grandmother who help raised me just made it worse with her negative talk. I would spiral into intense anger and depression. It was a sight. 

Today, things are a lot better. I'm pretty sure she's clean from the hard stuff but she still occasionally vanishes. 

I want to die than relive this shit.  If I had a method I'd do it. I am considering alcohol poisoningbecause that is all I got.  It's shitty but my only question option. Im hurting so much, I can't do this forever. 

 I'm gonna run out. ",0.4812626262626267,2.9383714135802483,2.72379349046016,88.64979797979801,91.03703703703705,6.155331088664423,19.709315375982047,7.520522993642371,0.8861382716049381,627,20,130,13,22,212,117,162,0.267,0.625,0.109,-0.9883,0,0,3,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,5,0,15,4,1,3,3,28,26,10,1,5,5,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,14,9,1,0,2,0,0,4,5,4,0,1,7,2,18,2,16,13,3,22,0,2,1,0,11,7,1,4,11,87,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294781195932654,0.17233856299241354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262191591798093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875348519002702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889353788338074,0.16367613735355974,0.16736306641221166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870111252698994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651112029268872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164812803353002,0.0,0.128974851271561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260223592757906,0.0,0.14445784296821312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808959605055428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726328316846666,0.0,0.17418914478888958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271057635887974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709801453642334,0.0,0.1525887001520003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886649209909226,0.0,0.0,0.11854511244100235,0.0,0.12437413349340833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927437128073507,0.12264597011231028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848302796484935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406002734833872,0.0,0.0,0.377010076202896,0.0,0.1806488034553534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553171164462105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414109862714887,0.0,0.12878294145739885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846048315253488,0.0,0.0,0.15198622828884906,0.0,0.0,0.12961517994187707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713439206678484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806473163594264,0.0,0.15285621444414296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392774014330993,0.0,0.0,0.0951156932839758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164338351233506,0.114554919448553,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_whispered,2018/03/11,"The space just keeps getting smaller and I'm unable to stand anymore. The person I love and had been with for a couple of months has completely pushed me out of her life. No matter what I do to at least go back to being friends has only made her hate me even more. I really love her and miss her and have been having panic attacks everyday and pretty much every hour now. I told her about this and she went on an abusive rant and blocked me out of her life and has blocked out my number itself.  I know this seems horribly childish, but I am not able to take it anymore. Its hard to try and fight the constant feeling of my heart pounding against the ribs and the suffocation that I'm feeling from within. I even took the initiative of going to a counselor. But I'm afraid its not working. I often keep hoping I get hit by a truck. I keep thinking of ending my life and googling painless ways to die. The only reason I'm unable to do it is because I know the amount of pain it'll bring to my parents. It feels like being stuck in a prison with the doors open and everyday, the urge to escape only increases. I don't know how long I can continue this...",3.6885067873303186,4.815269700854703,4.553448969331324,86.93305429864255,72.07692307692308,7.044343891402716,26.585218702865767,7.285733465282438,1.2482536953242842,906,30,185,9,17,293,136,234,0.168,0.725,0.107,-0.9377,1,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,3,2,15,0,17,8,2,3,0,42,49,15,1,1,5,1,4,1,1,1,4,0,1,1,12,18,0,5,9,0,0,7,4,7,0,0,8,4,27,5,31,37,5,28,0,1,0,2,14,9,0,3,11,128,39,1,0.1224901372410543,0.14513078289518214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295460412279626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393502143620582,0.0,0.09418735467342636,0.0,0.07466885074979696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842857842486058,0.13236832293910558,0.0,0.0,0.13553300705758126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712542375757058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848990459666036,0.0,0.0,0.1618071608314373,0.0,0.10320322358188808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858040814176988,0.08750697851969587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946355761825156,0.0,0.12799208222895148,0.0,0.1392279355608232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972710345308738,0.12093365131410075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515140239766586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166034451286775,0.12062811142325007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266245861850741,0.0,0.0,0.2019521281015526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25955521919122904,0.0598424938401596,0.0,0.0,0.10839991691850348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211042623886059,0.11590312954510106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777045892173432,0.0,0.09004434476800245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27947780696640284,0.130338142221288,0.14371578407795738,0.13601080167575993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695366317404556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124616505573385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847031845584064,0.125940261787353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151042053643448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920973391196052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848673400910174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704457533333885,0.13609104947145798,0.08316276272289737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972269694953658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354958439862943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917427876198113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mothtears,2018/03/11,crying so much i have hiccups im doing this its planned i have everything,-1.09,-2.1438266666666643,1.3133333333333326,90.99000000000002,149.0,3.8666666666666663,23.0,5.6839178017228535,1.1126000000000005,60,3,11,1,5,20,12,15,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5694073904516176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658794018651037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599308009206927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810631244258672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,generalxadmission,2018/03/11,"I just want to sleep forever I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m numb sometimes, other days I’m just sad. The sadness and numb feeling never goes away. I just want to take seroquel all day long so I can sleep all day, and I have no motivation to do anything. I’ve been prescribed seroquel so I have it and it seems just so easy. A week ago, I even took some pills and drank alcohol. I ended up throwing and feeling nauseous for about a total of 12 hours. I don’t know if I was overdosing or what, but I woke up fine except for the fact I was nauseous still. I just don’t want to be here anymore and I want to just end it. ",-0.3005597014925385,1.8162982537313432,1.8538619402985081,96.68810634328364,88.8507462686567,4.544029850746268,21.061567164179106,5.985473137389443,0.015225373134327924,482,17,112,4,16,161,73,134,0.07400000000000001,0.81,0.115,0.2431,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,4,0,12,7,2,1,5,32,27,12,0,5,10,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,6,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,6,2,14,1,14,20,4,16,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,11,77,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525222081607185,0.18388150065792605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412777040376752,0.0,0.0,0.1415920189006921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165751736889275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328964524209589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047909767810045,0.0,0.0,0.11364505016232865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399900840463697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944599612576308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912108801248947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226908293173788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270449696626455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663839931889234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443716795814014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017330121056606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740859923133267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936889406233276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116674520900329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059455089676338,0.0,0.13801742006019255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suribella80,2018/03/11,"RE: I’m running out of things keeping me here. Wow.. never thought I’d actually be posting here. Not in a bad way, it’s just I don’t want to admit to others I have a problem. Depression, anxiety. And just really really self hate. Just like the post further down... I feel like I am running out of things keeping me here.. I don’t even know where to start and not sure if I want to. I just wanted to post and really see how you guys get through the day man. Like how do you do it, especially with “normal” people around. I understand dealing with depression you can find something you like, get a hobby, etc. but how do you even get the motivation? How do you wake up and put one foot in front of the other everyday? Btw I love you all, and we are important.",0.8689572192513353,3.1161419155844183,3.1143697478991608,88.86886554621849,84.38961038961041,6.740412528647823,22.04583651642475,7.928766900206844,1.1776223071046599,581,20,125,12,17,198,89,154,0.077,0.769,0.154,0.8774,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,7,0,1,15,12,1,0,7,0,11,3,2,5,3,40,29,11,0,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,11,0,2,7,0,0,4,5,5,0,1,1,2,19,7,18,27,2,21,0,2,1,1,14,9,0,1,8,88,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.13547498048258216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620216096695162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358533031917388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591462171561975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953183398369108,0.14312438743054054,0.2391427265424784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482863599499655,0.18338765144908328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019502710460555,0.09917793003518616,0.0,0.0,0.12688522667916624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759389921405425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746040873585358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370627738704281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467913676099463,0.0,0.0,0.07629560662907439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27129514777496555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529665311620228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707182583233324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136020838168861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407266704960544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624505849628466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39887324368196503,0.0,0.0,0.1328385473533806,0.0,0.13955932940673926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26680810668947275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062702620916867,0.0,0.14482668251929626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687569230344084,0.0,0.0,0.09826235961808703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084266404251454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446078209076555,0.0,0.0,0.11021301251966527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445236477981518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456510206544651,0.11019429240119624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wumbo_ing,2018/03/11,"Terminal Mental illness I don't want to die or be alone, but my illness has become that of a terminal nature.",2.6959090909090904,4.761581318181824,5.327272727272729,76.46090909090911,76.72727272727272,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.8519272727272726,87,4,15,2,2,31,20,22,0.333,0.581,0.086,-0.6044,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476062752384717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076515515014264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770481144243278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632229575135292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27111574319226617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway38842,2018/03/11,"I'm losing it again I'm using a throwaway because I don't feel comfortable enough to use my main account. Sorry if this is hard to read, I just have a hard time putting things together and have a hard time articulating things.
I'm suicidal. I'm planning on killing myself before the next school year starts, but after my birthday [In April]. I think I can feel another psychotic break coming on, but I'd rather die than go back to a mental hospital for the third time. And, honestly, I don't think I can bounce back from my first time in one. I've had to drop a class and I might have to drop another just so I don't end up in summer school. I used to be good in school, you know? An AP class, mostly honors. I used to be good.
I don't have a future. My mental illness makes it hard for me to care for myself, let alone do anything work-related. I've never had a job before, and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to hold one down. My psychosis makes me want to do really bad things, and I'm scared I'm going to Tommy DeVito someone if I don't kill myself. Everyone at school always has some negative shit to say to or about me. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of living. I really hope my next life will be better than this one.",1.461877996363036,3.0519323840304224,3.5410481071251465,90.04162340882792,78.77186311787072,6.855281864771037,20.180029756984624,7.7425588080867325,0.5891389981815176,959,23,216,15,23,327,133,263,0.219,0.6609999999999999,0.12,-0.9751,1,1,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,0,5,11,14,3,1,10,0,25,5,1,7,1,34,53,14,4,5,8,0,6,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,1,1,5,8,6,0,5,2,7,27,8,33,44,4,35,0,1,0,0,2,9,1,7,18,135,35,8,0.08941107646138262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926029102441925,0.0,0.0,0.0743971781878684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751061913025985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357769761027401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750319756484916,0.0746545141420957,0.05450416232725089,0.0,0.1521644812633692,0.0,0.0,0.07907683121603402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116055138825352,0.0,0.0,0.07701972537371791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927945811784444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919167513128518,0.09238554307190527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543611518635558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904178535222604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605301596238248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244312569620813,0.14998753771203524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203790495367917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880537331876161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009342221712694,0.0,0.0,0.0887266970324973,0.0,0.19784021750287567,0.0,0.049137989321518714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142888346753134,0.06315368750434576,0.0,0.0,0.07895161860225818,0.0,0.0,0.10002812409266673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936517565272005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802106707269116,0.09485102261027677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895933418504008,0.0,0.19017938832645467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176177816123787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988282734871625,0.0,0.0,0.08943527236848231,0.0,0.11455805016524485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071103276699925,0.08951608542624535,0.36195513123389533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177918511591557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575771493581956,0.0,0.0,0.10008837990587137,0.0632856201156516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097801205643815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820223878712066,0.11458201507084202,0.0,0.0,0.2085452708378496,0.20552975898334094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088898503275394,0.0,0.0,0.05273696945803514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650923285446677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057577801783838915
suicidewatch,guardiansofthewaifus,2018/03/11,"I've decided I'll give this 2 more weeks. Hiya, I'm a 18 year old guy who has no idea what the fuck he's doing with his life. I'm very ashamed of myself, as I don't really have a reason to be depressed. I've read multiple stories about people who never fit in, while I get along with everyone. People tell me it's my best trait, which really hurts, as it is all a lie. I find it very hard to stay happy in class. 

I feel as if I haven't really done anything with my life. I won't ever find ""The one"" and get married, I won't get through school this year and I won't ever find my happiness.

So, I'm giving myself until the 25th of March. That'll give me enough time to see if I do want to continue on this road of dissapointment or not.",1.8340740740740744,2.623319506172841,4.0972222222222205,89.73250000000004,76.16049382716051,7.622222222222224,20.907407407407405,8.07648339933343,0.6525703703703702,568,12,137,9,12,198,98,162,0.124,0.778,0.098,-0.4785,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,6,0,13,3,0,1,4,22,26,11,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,7,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,3,17,3,20,20,4,18,0,2,1,1,9,5,1,3,12,83,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803374031280648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377721558379569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130728270440874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434686749509614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564919932333072,0.0,0.0,0.23750381890577604,0.0,0.12544539148625025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638002563497772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35996757663950235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136791409862373,0.2057679753626878,0.3778124122128598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998962792738636,0.0,0.2795038470906907,0.11760271170298388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405398884403176,0.148201179173666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545644392895308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125262196911132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775817130496326,0.0,0.08895994927101927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202854856663014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131733261129636,0.0,0.2523074595480149,0.13497956140898806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286419636196345,0.10461460218175712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399289374788304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474608482783225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655147675487395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664247760469546,0.07743341050832535,0.0,0.10530634588863462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690823575003772
suicidewatch,SWatchThrowaway2018,2018/03/11,"18m. Every time I start to feel better, my mother makes me want to kill myself again. My mom has borderline personality disorder and has pretty intense meltdowns that have gotten worse each year. I don't really know how to put into words but she does everything in her power to tear you down. Make you hate everything you've done. Make you feel like you physically hurt her. She'll twist words or completely lie if it means making her feel good and you feel bad. I don't know how to phrase it which makes it even harder for me to get help.

When she flips out, she flips out. [She (well my dad) paid for my driver's permit and driver's ed, then afterwards had me pay her back. When I said thank you [for paying for it], she completely flipped.](https://vocaroo.com/i/s1tZNNj2M3UM) She's sporadic, intense, and makes me feel incredibly weak.

I'm 18. I've been accepted to all my colleges with strong scholarships. I have good grades and a strong future in computer science. A drive for innovation that I'm confident will take me far. Some great friends and relative respect in the community. My entire family (barring my mother) is so important to me. We're spread across the country but still close in heart and each and every one of my siblings means the world to me.

And yet, killing myself still always seems more appealing.

I'm not 100% pure, there are some people who I judge and find annoying and try to avoid in my life, but my mother is the first person that I've genuinely hated.

I'm 6 months away from being free. I've looked into renting an apartment or staying at a hotel for the final stretch, but I can't afford it and I live in too small of a town where I can't get to and from school without a car. I know killing myself would hurt my family and those I love so much, but my hatred for her still manages to outshine my deep love for the rest of my family. This is torture and I need out. Please keep me living for six more months.",3.728232156464312,5.527293527559056,4.4100499534332425,85.33512573025149,73.04199475065616,7.645787824908982,23.83887901109136,8.360895534625662,1.3805456100245532,1538,44,305,26,31,491,206,381,0.149,0.6729999999999999,0.179,0.8645,3,1,0,0,0,3,54.0,0,6,0,5,17,27,7,1,12,0,19,6,1,9,2,67,56,30,3,4,10,5,5,1,1,3,2,1,1,2,12,24,1,2,13,2,6,3,6,12,1,3,6,7,55,16,43,46,9,46,0,2,1,2,31,24,0,6,19,194,67,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485168037092625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451784506217087,0.06917161137559609,0.07511058842447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955992201722313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863703619507444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309885994360306,0.0,0.07872223990626905,0.09205755095090493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941594859324864,0.0,0.15158581104792848,0.0,0.16169564247416238,0.0,0.2544112108378397,0.0,0.22742557031474475,0.06426551347369783,0.0,0.09854382565364901,0.08221934297146732,0.07651763387699947,0.0,0.0,0.06950078724155395,0.0,0.09399795335362823,0.0,0.0,0.1509038313804517,0.0,0.09917824141264707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762842071391013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659983425680447,0.06029648232744754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926023015192561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995818200028211,0.2985732742640747,0.0,0.1483145393556366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635395017185139,0.0439485931207058,0.0,0.15886788892611967,0.0,0.07554147612100194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237995179354475,0.0,0.3602831798061585,0.0,0.0,0.19597974432925425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535690315443204,0.143606118082345,0.0,0.06612896650997825,0.06670219849895445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095739495307325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236506550777408,0.15709449001775114,0.0,0.09874610231273592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151891487338888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043193340682837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057628950208515474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556999281956708,0.0,0.0,0.09104159072848454,0.0,0.0818937478435388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367224032355923,0.09588251316640198,0.2155200492200269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763669467516288,0.0,0.0,0.08282059618449754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052454825357100734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061075102108289224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053059146566500265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088241661489405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867156275781729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167417450832584,0.0639030852962137,0.0,0.0,0.057929552176042565
suicidewatch,Yellowdiamond7888,2018/03/11,At the END I said I would give myself six month time frame before I went through with it.  But my thoughts of dying are increasing to the point I mighr due it in the next couple of days.,5.831538461538464,4.542884076923077,5.6303846153846155,89.42711538461542,67.2051282051282,8.825641025641023,27.19230769230769,7.1686216300943375,1.0284769230769228,145,3,34,1,2,45,32,39,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,6,0,7,2,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560175190383007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329060340456377,0.0,0.1940357360588076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31225471616315503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664807979794878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886211407545572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401509155081929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199777948658609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844186323014657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28619549626520985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388565279630854,0.17543924312621334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789087516786094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137288388908906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,handycapmonkey,2018/03/11,"my mother should have had an abortion instead she used me as her own personal punching bag. i'm an adult now and no matter how much therapy or drugs, prescribed or not, her words still play over and over in my head like a broken record. i sat and cried for an hour yesterday with a knife in my hand thinking about how i should end it all. i get these little tinges of hope that prevent me from doing it, where i think things like ""this is only temporary, things get better."" i realize now that it's actually these tinges of hope that prolong my suffering.

as i read through the other posts of people wanting to kill themselves i want to offer words of encouragement, but all i can think is ""I get it."" as suicidal people, having dealt with whatever the fuck we've dealt with in our lives to bring us to this conclusion, our capacity for emotional pain is great but everyone has their breaking point. i'm just waiting for mine.",5.993682072117824,6.458808865921791,6.116140172676487,80.1963941086846,66.48603351955308,9.637582529202641,30.797866937531747,9.573946990214177,2.6490402234636874,733,26,142,14,11,233,116,179,0.133,0.746,0.122,-0.8467,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,1,2,9,12,2,0,7,0,11,5,2,3,2,33,28,12,2,6,6,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,14,6,0,2,5,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,23,8,25,24,4,17,0,1,0,1,12,8,1,4,8,101,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.15122325551496907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705374048691327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022151642941855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797099279303334,0.0,0.0,0.1743145015673749,0.13725278473179872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807547266242202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326242704719658,0.2428880794234618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084919914294047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903855497540334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30782995225041665,0.1526090770503676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144555118450214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141591202229251,0.1553154040133835,0.136836725505278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391693185375837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785768583563888,0.1648934344918918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486611064554545,0.13530925446455289,0.0,0.0,0.14649179081184888,0.0,0.14841340748561674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500669944752413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375506053216928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950629977819331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721571269739286,0.0,0.20590340654220848,0.2978854902850969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864035305212108,0.1338398009088663,0.0,0.0,0.18280446535400047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prismquartz,2018/03/11,any advice for a suicidal 17 year old? what did you guys go through at this age and what motivated you to continue? ,2.9552173913043482,4.8901473478260895,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,75.52173913043478,9.817391304347826,28.89130434782609,10.125756701596842,3.126060869565218,91,4,19,3,2,31,21,23,0.174,0.718,0.108,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192351979902718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29174957777693034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438230108455612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42479909385413295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501862746621637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469280283689316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762760129331381
suicidewatch,This_guys_back,2018/03/11,"I'm done I'm 17, turning 18 this year. I have nothing or no one to live for. I'm writing thia only because my parents are alive. I can't do this to them. I won't get to the university, I won't marry, I won't do anything that will satisfy their and family expectations. Back in the day I wanted to go to Croatia and Czechia and Israel. I want to work in finance but I won't achieve this. I want to let them harvest my organs, pump out my blood so they can help someone who deserves it better. So I can dissappear from here, so nobody would that fat retarded piece of shit I am. Shooting myself in front of hospital would be great, I wouldn't rot.
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suicidewatch,imtryingtobefit,2018/03/11,"Girlfriend wants a break from me, and best mate has blocked me out his life Feel as if I have no one to talk to. I used to be so happy with my girlfriend of 3 years and best mate. But she wants a break from me which has broken me. And a week before this, my best mate decides he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, sends abuse my way and blocks me off everything.

:( ",5.556012658227846,4.062083556962026,5.256803797468353,92.55077531645573,67.86075949367088,8.40632911392405,28.610759493670894,5.985473137389443,0.8825164556962021,287,7,71,1,4,88,52,79,0.165,0.615,0.219,0.8096,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,17,11,8,0,4,2,0,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,13,5,12,9,3,8,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,2,48,15,0,0.0,0.24713019385773835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685280275398374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748406361429964,0.0,0.6566675563464516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874559799334394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054630353494754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114643510684334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220345941724625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732443468326284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133749098333248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764666876255704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014396457756707,0.0,0.0,0.3690731857159832,0.16555908636518346,0.16730826438736854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431705151857234
suicidewatch,CobraGTR,2018/03/11,"Missing love and feeling lonely Hi I'm Daniel m/24 from Germany. I struggle with my depression and anxieties the last couple years. Now i participate in a rehab for people with all kind of mental illnesses who have issues find or holding a job. Life looks better the last couple weeks.

But in the last two weeks i feel the darkness again. Everyone around me getting into relationships lately, and there are happy and i don't know why, but i feeling me absolutely alone right now. 
I had never had a GF or any romantic experiences, but wanted one.
And in these days i realize how badly i miss being close to someone. 

The nights are the worst. I think about how beautiful it must be to have nothing.
No pain - No sorrow - No solitude
I can’t cry anymore - i feel so numb

I don’t know how long i can fight, and don’t know how to continue.
",1.934824561403509,4.575145302469135,3.6142755035737513,84.3363450292398,83.62962962962962,6.373489278752438,23.3411306042885,7.669130373188453,1.4428222222222225,657,24,122,12,19,218,107,162,0.23,0.613,0.156,-0.9308,1,3,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,11,15,1,1,9,0,14,6,0,4,3,35,29,16,0,2,5,0,4,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,11,0,1,10,0,0,0,8,11,0,2,2,5,16,4,14,24,2,22,0,5,1,1,6,7,0,2,15,84,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437381053219334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479510681390417,0.0,0.10663873595433428,0.0,0.13824490166861994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409336389903262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639112260837195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328579541792435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084814515234722,0.15312165122738847,0.08989988072526295,0.0,0.12006289626770725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320032247361369,0.0,0.13635754164635774,0.0,0.0,0.2819343370252038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740682544638662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282946082042606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839127258483745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549481432646533,0.1383305482812344,0.0,0.0,0.1451610860248271,0.2298277259817368,0.34088279881446953,0.15724649596793594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846060442504906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336243562365964,0.11705882477619504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258117215880229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047993288114985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751197583103557,0.0,0.0,0.13081514750831355,0.0,0.13375569845260527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944593802111485,0.0,0.14832880998579842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664070190707867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496607890479706,0.0,0.1190447368374129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181110826177502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457285744418538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932031450529991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361711405618501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222028029679472,0.0,0.2236325952623215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578459724449395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897674449288862
suicidewatch,TrickConsequence,2018/03/11,"The end of the absurd man I have lived my life for almost 30 years. Died once already when I was young. It lead me to realize the meaning of life, nothing. This for a few years drove me insane. My only solace was in philosophy. Though much research I found meaning in a meaningless world. But, all good things must end I suppose. I sit here watching the sunrise thinking about everything. I'm not depressed, or mad. I just know the ending to a movie, and I slowly watch as more people leave the theater, knowing its about time for me to leave too. And I'm just not sure if I should keep being the absurd man(see Absurdism). I've tried to find meaning in love but it slowly become a chess match, of which I usely know her next move and it becomes a bore. I end up destroying the relationship to just she if I know her as well as I think I do. spoiler I do, every time. I've tried nonprofit jobs/volunteering, and I slowly build in rage due to others incompetence. Not from the lack of knowledge, but from the acceptance of their stupidity, and lack of willingness to learn and adapt. I even tried to meaning in helping people on this very reddit and self harm, but I am slowing realizing that maybe its not the right thing to do. What if letting them die was the right thing, letting their death drive take them. I've stared into the void for so long that I think I'm falling into it.
I'm not sure when I might do it, but I can feel it calling me and as I sit here watching the sun rise, I know it will be soon.

*edit: spelling error",3.369411764705884,4.879218637254901,4.306029411764708,86.89963235294121,73.41176470588233,6.930065359477124,25.8218954248366,7.492282038375204,1.219381699346405,1197,40,245,14,24,387,162,306,0.16699999999999998,0.755,0.078,-0.9844,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,4,1,15,14,4,0,19,0,18,3,0,2,4,59,41,25,3,7,17,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,19,10,0,1,20,1,0,6,5,7,1,0,5,5,35,6,36,28,6,36,0,1,4,1,14,12,0,6,16,168,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621594381654168,0.0,0.10603295356062904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223820172729102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811423744018746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275846815630665,0.0,0.19944356250535325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404136234760874,0.0,0.0,0.0634636952255915,0.0,0.08095634203139665,0.0,0.08635562686659258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048583814355195966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782058433015559,0.0,0.0,0.10535300488338364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059212206359732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440421584111865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540538043071624,0.0,0.0,0.2640309250867721,0.0,0.0,0.20348175427940024,0.0,0.1965082659254148,0.13573633569179155,0.0,0.0,0.08484542890127338,0.08503281627890406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867210910148015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653099524604787,0.4186619606007403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193173791199676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212388732642222,0.07063404145750662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218822651394224,0.0,0.0,0.0921968156293076,0.0,0.0,0.10232812908989816,0.0,0.07307750070101325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322744494764008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316007717369652,0.0,0.16411331675304214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023833521299028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111926048857446,0.0,0.07224448449550921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150519835736374,0.1847035004190471,0.09440370731102424,0.0,0.11205668270532124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195707638664854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298718980772299,0.0,0.07928076113795669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863925790749762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375207434702518
suicidewatch,over_it_all,2018/03/11,"I discovered my fiancé’s dead body one week ago I had gone to take a nap while he finished up some work from home. He died of a massive stroke while I was sleeping. 

He was my world. We were moving forward in our relationship and had found solutions to issues we were having. We were so in love, that sickeningly cute couple still giddy after two years. 

And then it all came crashing down and keeps getting worse. 

As if the grief of finding the love of my life dead with no warning wasn’t enough, I’m on disability and suddenly it’s starting to look like I need to find somewhere to live. His friends and family all said nice things about how I will always be family and part of the group, but their actions say otherwise. I feel like I’m being phased out before I even have time to clear my head. 

My disability checks are $664 per month. Not nearly enough to live on, especially in California. And I think I’ll be forced out soon, because technically his parents own the place and that has already come up a few times in conversation. Everyone is just taking things of his without checking with me. 

So I’m sitting here, having the occasional heart palpitations and hoping my heart just stops so I can join him in death. Even if there’s nothing on the other side, it’s better than this. ",5.610283864541831,6.277646569721117,5.995057270916338,80.02214765936256,67.36653386454185,8.984163346613547,29.23331673306773,9.017664075816787,2.2098225099601603,1023,34,200,17,16,329,163,251,0.111,0.769,0.12,0.5099,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,4,0,1,2,13,11,0,1,9,0,19,9,5,1,3,39,39,20,5,4,7,1,2,2,1,1,2,2,1,0,9,18,0,2,5,1,2,6,4,2,0,2,12,5,25,9,34,23,8,40,0,1,1,2,21,18,0,4,19,135,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676844512072163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329155711482782,0.0,0.1002210336981382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342299294597364,0.0,0.10249099479180653,0.0,0.0,0.10652503171600736,0.0,0.13378877118854782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377585670119435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037538879849536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327162426110384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500432239251244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489066077761544,0.0,0.15910739095401102,0.0,0.0,0.11509167400822205,0.0,0.0,0.2270922479247097,0.0,0.06090130677997571,0.08604691517356143,0.0,0.0,0.2201716114253813,0.0,0.0,0.1320632345514681,0.0930565714178464,0.0,0.06292826028705374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361273068968524,0.0,0.0,0.28545907128136644,0.0,0.0,0.12081753585557432,0.11963042858266172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571472372873188,0.0,0.10705827328099267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507483748310793,0.11768803079127227,0.0,0.21271271360530564,0.0,0.10114462075417467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174151139955433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961391483014706,0.12801543629653175,0.0,0.08930946172986888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155715463534167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161758164237021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337414468247015,0.13043168793506832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258408273514281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931433216563307,0.0,0.0,0.11457208564218573,0.09578379266208834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205333610623238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525256495887558,0.0,0.09618863156430624,0.10069856367634887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811213702265292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003844064684314,0.07717717441256396,0.0,0.0,0.14046650105094746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765860793600412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661481771803662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610600845031803,0.0,0.0876863963320211,0.0,0.12274514729821065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756351723812839
suicidewatch,username3568,2018/03/11,"Constantly rejected for my height I can’t take it anymore I’m 5,5 the average height of a female and men as short as me are doomed to suffer. One girl I tried chatting up at a friends party said I was insulting her for thinking I had a chance. Another one called me a circus freak women are nasty people

I started working out and got accused of compensating I must have been hitler in my past life to deserve this. I fucking hate tall men and women for treating me this way I hate society for creating rules that I’ll die alone. ",3.946132075471698,5.3746571509433965,5.051084905660378,82.44851415094342,71.83018867924528,8.318867924528304,30.23113207547169,8.841846274778883,2.473607547169812,422,18,82,8,8,139,76,106,0.3,0.619,0.081,-0.9814,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,1,6,17,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,0,2,5,1,14,2,14,11,0,12,1,3,0,1,11,8,1,0,3,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306467178261616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335170068948141,0.0,0.0,0.22085538026966167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273983267341996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406561209566352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311241139659945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205499142765096,0.2058795985297608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781109707360168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397339600919844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729733226618467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301810223520238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258928953702672,0.15438991754196202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183564913970007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762593774620345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674402749149291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269511416167882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119650563327425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676635022329254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212591909800506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,khrfordayz,2018/03/11,"being driven to the edge by loneliness and aloneness I have no friends at college, I spend weekend after weekend alone sitting in my room while I hear people outside having fun. I've never really had friends before anyways but I feel so isolated. no motivation to do anything and I have a constant urge to hurt myself through cutting or drugs or cigarettes or whatever. even stronger are constant suicidal thoughts. not really sure what to do",4.970791139240504,7.997273468354432,5.438465189873419,73.6599762658228,73.81012658227849,8.000632911392406,37.723101265822784,8.841846274778883,4.195087341772154,360,22,52,8,8,115,61,79,0.276,0.59,0.134,-0.9326,0,2,2,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,2,12,12,8,1,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,2,0,0,3,2,7,4,9,8,0,12,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,3,7,41,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353756384541783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296398670726704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885158254041736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542696869780325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437473642410497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882492175925626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062756305420198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247761444344518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368932785834865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22500692214902732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210729268127805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457155114849316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26929922666165435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299077979108908,0.0,0.1980964634744553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686306541356766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DismalConsideration,2018/03/11,I wish I wasn't needed I don't know if this belongs here. For a long time I've been suicidal but in the last few years it's changed. I have kids now and I can't abandon them but still I want to die. I want them to not need me so I can die. I spend every night wishing that they didn't need me. Since I can't kill myself I've started scratching my back a bit. It's the only thing that can distract me when my thoughts wander too far. I'm seeking help but I don't know if/when it's going to start working.,-0.5424202898550696,1.2055793304347873,1.5892391304347844,100.737481884058,86.1304347826087,4.181159420289855,19.14855072463768,4.7782277997778095,-0.7072753623188404,393,11,100,1,12,131,72,115,0.14400000000000002,0.69,0.16699999999999998,-0.0987,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,3,1,7,3,1,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,17,24,7,4,8,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,4,1,20,0,5,20,2,14,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,11,60,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479805972941236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138671317283967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544853142202708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638760324932368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770129541162502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962938039189698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750266712907972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394805304985874,0.0,0.1926851371269803,0.14289626839673464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513864388810966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899573867893445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645110562373698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332669495859362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450133928679156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816233953655445,0.0,0.13999810948405242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175427180543875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646427842335508,0.0,0.0,0.13917190234671142,0.10222125147827564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679784280942992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031822098257733,0.0,0.0,0.12762349889285318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289011603218566
suicidewatch,Abilxey,2018/03/11,"No one wants to deal with me. It’s all just amping up in my head now. I’ve been having increasingly anxiety and suicidal thoughts since the start of my sophomore year of college. My family refuses to deal with me. Every time I bring up how anxious I am she tells me that all I need is prayer and that she’ll pray for me (she knows I’m an atheist but I don’t say anything in response to this). I keep telling her that I think any sort of treatment would do me good. She refuses to let me go see a doctor or a therapist because she thinks drugs are too risky and therapists are untrustworthy. She won’t even let me vent about the emotions I’m having. She keeps insisting that I should be able to speak freely around her but when I do she just scolds me or tries to pawn off my emotional issues onto god instead of dealing with them herself.

My boyfriend doesn’t want to deal with it either, he just tries to steer the conversation in another direction. I don’t blame him though because he’s never been very good with emotional situations.

The severity of my thoughts are just amping up. I want someone to fucking see that I’m struggling. I just want someone to give a shit. I found a way to harm myself without showing marks in high school(I won’t say how so I don’t encourage people). I haven’t done it in years but in my head I can’t help but think about cutting myself.

I feel so petty that I’d literally be doing it for attention but I feel like I’m so vocal about it. I have plainly told my friends and family that I am too stressed out and depressed and that I have implied that I want to die but everyone just squirms and pretends like this isn’t serious. I feel like if I just bleed then maybe someone will finally see that I need actual help.",3.5860459050599904,4.971411014084509,4.5287636932707365,86.0118831507564,72.66197183098592,8.076160667709964,28.641105894627024,8.626192665926032,2.03342670839854,1390,55,289,25,27,451,177,355,0.125,0.737,0.138,0.5745,0,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,0,23,15,3,2,9,0,33,7,3,2,3,62,65,24,2,10,18,0,3,3,1,6,3,3,0,0,17,14,0,4,11,2,0,3,12,8,0,1,7,9,55,7,41,48,4,27,1,1,3,1,33,14,2,4,12,196,72,2,0.08355487696443609,0.0,0.08153750698138494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106334856421527,0.0,0.056820181554634634,0.08761457378114099,0.0639192521780383,0.09439322801964163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875854440482215,0.07438155516096914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186855493838168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34456563707199184,0.07196569309530823,0.0,0.08671677067527615,0.0,0.0,0.08552195709638821,0.0,0.0855056487682793,0.0,0.0,0.09689713036096677,0.0,0.0,0.28196397121802913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518720821019752,0.0,0.07039858753483119,0.07984026560510711,0.0,0.0,0.15753620361690446,0.0,0.12674356900910158,0.11938324159689395,0.0,0.09153028358441938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161360988202777,0.06455429067588944,0.07724513736827107,0.0,0.08015345158717188,0.04748616210178429,0.14016373312696415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150281869619852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201014553609108,0.08828031499400198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720958331232175,0.0,0.14853482752137168,0.0,0.0,0.04591957523084473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088104542449692,0.0,0.12246207709489842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839421044495535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390976509825526,0.06444267210974762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056618947048314085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792643114699372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328923836186329,0.0,0.0845619962699943,0.1997472571628014,0.0,0.0,0.09439322801964163,0.085767880488148,0.06911745765725577,0.09391918252013702,0.0,0.0,0.21238732831842727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914057197001945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571182926030032,0.08734969911199778,0.0,0.09139547389379578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460612905943927,0.0,0.0,0.19402730429457946,0.0,0.16061577408224814,0.08209224238627658,0.13266647827887387,0.04872152068848403,0.0,0.0,0.07984026560510711,0.0,0.1134565535453632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894152407026931,0.24641415632919503,0.0663219721749766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054391973097867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935498728900011,0.0,0.0,0.10761320262169573
suicidewatch,SeaDragonfly,2018/03/11,"carrying on seems impossible I've got depression, anxiety and aspergers, i'm 18, i've been depressed since i was 12, i have no friends irl, only online, i hate myself and my body, weight gain is my biggest fear, im vegan and just binged on dairy in a moment of sadness and weakness, ive done it a couple of times before this week, i feel guilty, ashamed and awful about it, i quit smoking this week so, im so miserable, i don't think i want to live if i cant smoke.

I am so bored constantly, to the point i feel anxious and suicidal if im alone, i feel like i have no self control and am going to replace smoking with binge eating. Im such a mess",4.391040145985404,4.016619080291971,6.075611313868617,82.00494981751825,69.87591240875912,9.477737226277373,30.99361313868613,9.188382445141503,2.4326795620437958,502,19,110,9,8,174,89,137,0.353,0.588,0.059,-0.9912,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,12,1,3,4,1,11,4,1,1,0,18,21,12,1,3,3,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,2,1,5,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,4,4,16,2,10,17,0,11,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,3,6,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437913823658588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664267115324512,0.15748535271898212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186214159851426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484495504737272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506447769235824,0.1563519629580273,0.0,0.15424641757654048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401346536940619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265734458128546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264374692145645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686677495170018,0.211458555756856,0.09958930479477884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077021673048484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922575744855485,0.0,0.11149306050272803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763128912004108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023152782855251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068105109552902,0.0,0.12309512331868115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602202236586523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178059463622172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827191309203808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690696726658654,0.14542740126471515,0.0,0.0,0.11531534016325044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524839095457983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932361061717907,0.0,0.0,0.08128682567180016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222331440212782,0.0,0.22364084778648569,0.16975491294300968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_not_anna_kendrick,2018/03/11,"I decided not to buy a generator tonight. I’ve struggled with depression since I was 10 yrs old. I failed back then, and I’m not trying tonight.",0.7101724137931029,3.2320888965517263,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,91.06896551724138,7.037931034482759,27.9396551724138,8.07648339933343,2.31616551724138,114,6,24,3,4,38,23,29,0.32,0.68,0.0,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557336875068197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984622879026367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854520537817339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826920735085543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836410164170666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140952025804969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,switchbladerenegade,2018/03/11,"I don't want to live to see my next birthday... My birthday is in two days I am not depressed. I have no history of mental illness. I just have absolutely no desire to continue my life. When I think of my future, I don't see anything. If an outsider were to look in on my life, they'd see so much joy and happiness. Perfect family and friends. Yet, I have no desire to keep going, I actually have a desire towards death. My laziness doesn't want to keep anything going. I'm starting to slack on work, school, simple tasks, just because I don't see a point in finishing anything if I'm not going to be here in a year. I use to be super close to God, and I feel that I am drifting away drastically. I'm on the very tip of experimenting with drugs, just to add some sort of difference to this oh so boring life I'm living, even though everyone would say my life is amazing. Heck, I'm currently living in Hawaii for a month because my online schooling allows me to do it from anywhere. I really don't want to come across as bragging at how good of a life I may have, I seriously don't. I just want to point out that I don't understand how even after all I am living in, I still have the strongest desire imaginable to leave this life forever. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Again, I'm not depressed. I'm happy for the most part, yet, I have no desire to live anymore. 

Edit: I should also note that nothing, literally nothing, can change the way I feel about this. I've read and looked at so many things to try and give it a chance, but nothing works. Anti Depressants didn't help. Nothing could possibly change my mind. I don't know why I'm like this. Why? I didn't use to be this way before I was diagnosed with a lifelong medical condition that has no correlation to my brain, but there's no way that did it. I didn't care about that. As a matter of fact I loved I was diagnosed with it so I have could opioid pain killers at hand if I ever did actually want to experiment, or even better, overdose and end it. UGH!!!!!! It's only a matter of time before I finally cave in. Nothing is working. Nothing.",2.390442662288457,4.157949338785048,4.305463500884064,84.79765723667595,76.64018691588784,7.243849456933567,25.8199040161657,8.098718942377014,1.6064103814094468,1639,61,336,28,37,558,198,428,0.079,0.754,0.16699999999999998,0.9839,1,0,2,0,0,1,61.0,0,0,1,6,25,19,0,0,14,0,42,15,2,6,4,65,79,23,1,17,13,0,3,1,1,3,12,1,0,0,18,13,0,2,6,1,0,5,20,7,0,1,8,10,44,12,57,62,5,47,0,3,6,1,6,20,1,8,20,224,62,7,0.0,0.0,0.13087874604068594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362661751470375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300792472132514,0.0,0.0,0.16555016956810625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300362035506522,0.0,0.0,0.08175641631007878,0.0,0.11412360218547248,0.0,0.0,0.059307748778550926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485940675203444,0.0,0.0,0.06837055806495779,0.0,0.1418778950215452,0.057764916135527214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708143001534713,0.0,0.0,0.04324715205998832,0.0,0.1732720318346213,0.13612582852681596,0.0,0.07006180664222222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776651130307102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059393881897060075,0.0,0.0,0.1328744195542895,0.060658206376202985,0.0,0.06407722183814947,0.0,0.13119206144728682,0.06321673775878922,0.0,0.06781353348800744,0.0,0.0,0.07345925319382211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051809191426071065,0.0,0.0,0.06432857480519269,0.11433258595185793,0.05624544553534876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276993201945926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044947864897761605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920926141269485,0.0,0.0,0.03685356989333732,0.0,0.0,0.07100521511722786,0.0,0.0,0.28419219450367084,0.032761370975317415,0.0,0.2960691955985497,0.0,0.11262441627771867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052286844599958,0.0,0.04476203548912371,0.06798674214380178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067554332557797,0.06757914437344513,0.0,0.06770991737219273,0.0,0.053525414293687255,0.0,0.049295675929772416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131742137535754,0.0,0.0,0.4504107333894343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051000972307128564,0.07135491781058953,0.0,0.0,0.07261776557305605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678381920439094,0.07559832563887373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670765960649131,0.0,0.04295935962076937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332757025038567,0.0,0.13573346113023427,0.21374760737208756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047464315418254015,0.0,0.053552964071178266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455065386930896,0.04296834647936501,0.06588458576270194,0.0,0.039102320937773535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455282851041335,0.0,0.06550636079326289,0.06981021045240061,0.0,0.1158339387261343,0.0,0.0553302434333108,0.19776405350731036,0.15968362673612066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101964006963052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645804881298582,0.0,0.0,0.047636398237063456,0.0,0.0,0.043183442620355214
suicidewatch,ButINeedThatUsername,2018/03/11,"I feel like I will end this now or then. I don't know if it might be today, or if it might be another day, but I don't feel like there would be any point in the future were I would not get caught inside a depression spiral, or thinking about how I would love to harm myself every day.

I do not even see why anybody should help me, because I do not deserve any help. There are lots of people here on this sub e.g. who need your help way more then I do. I just gonna fade into void; now or then; at any point anyways. Good bye 💙",1.5053236714975853,2.5398419478260905,2.93768115942029,96.75946859903385,77.34782608695653,5.806763285024156,18.864734299516908,5.82211442006289,-0.4560338164251205,404,7,100,2,9,132,76,115,0.078,0.722,0.201,0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,2,0,17,1,0,1,0,25,27,11,0,7,11,0,2,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,3,13,4,7,14,2,19,0,1,1,1,7,6,0,9,14,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314550491284832,0.17036372208159836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904006510222894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209559124473474,0.0,0.1399349766686616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389999452639315,0.0,0.0,0.10730975220477702,0.0,0.13688779028566847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429919692153808,0.23213687534928604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848837502468167,0.0,0.0,0.136271936538835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32670019063433764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928913781255628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874904799777592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812599029324446,0.14663531259323276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34470950669534384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046927738943787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126360831447597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30717289907346745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946737335750538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410406974080688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400234689003825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289609427735787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660369879332566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34624159391288195,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zmw33,2018/03/11,"been in a bad way for a while (long post) I dont know why my mind went there but i cant stop thinking of my lying cheating cunt of a ex but basically i got her pregnant with twins she had a miscarriage thought i got her pregnant a second time and the kid came out black im half white half mexican and she was quarter mexican the rest white  i had my family ripped from my hands then my fiance (ex) had that kid and ripped out my heart along with my will to keep goin on this all happened years ago but it never leaves my mind i just want to get it over with and join my unborn twins


Ok turns out post wasnt that long afterall",0.2949502487562228,2.432014216417912,1.8074328358208973,98.01542786069656,85.94029850746269,5.364378109452738,17.888557213930348,6.742157984588678,-0.2085854726368157,491,12,117,6,15,158,83,134,0.118,0.8140000000000001,0.069,-0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,7,1,9,2,2,0,2,26,21,9,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,12,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,4,11,4,19,1,16,9,2,20,0,0,3,0,8,6,1,0,9,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585587267648962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935016933989395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045812595816396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963597923956606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168624061390081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345293749818527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861196393566248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581754113797685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211963501176242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19321183469286726,0.0,0.0,0.15898914217481655,0.0,0.0,0.09830305789978457,0.0,0.0,0.1893990132586155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31659116670896503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612182997246967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795667089198416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426187631744179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954452156273745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461358734157953,0.0,0.1420039322015386,0.10430136701239454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456074738792112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550300152029443,0.1419798122689362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581560404288395,0.1614036403964048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518733388670327
suicidewatch,mkmkmkmkmkok,2018/03/11,"I don’t get it I’ve had a long battle with depression. Most of my 28 years, unfortunately.

Never thought I’d post to this sub. I’m tall, muscular, and attractive,  I have friends who are good to me, I make an average amount of money. Even typing that makes me feel like a big piece of shit. I empathize with so many people here who don’t like how they look or how they act in social situations, who are told all will be better if they improve certain aspects of their lives (WHICH CERTAINLY MAY BE TRUE).

I’ve done everything to try to fix who I am.

I’ve had every medical test you can imagine. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m in excellent physical health. Yet, I am tired every day. I can’t function. I have no energy to do anything. I can’t keep focused on routine tasks. I’ve gone years with no alcohol or drugs. I get adequate sleep. It’s all such a failure. 

I constantly have money problems, despite trying to be meticulous about where my money goes. I can get a good job, but I can never seem to be good at any job. And I’m so tired. Always. I’m so fascinated with people who do a good job, and are smart and energetic. I envy them so much. Many of my best friends are attorneys. I want their lives so badly. They complain about the stress, but have no idea how hard it is to struggle to get through the simplest tasks. 

I love my doggo, but that’s about it. If she weren’t always there for me, then I don’t know what. I just don’t get it. I’ve seen countless mental health professionals. Nothing makes me feel normal. Everything is a struggle.

I just don’t get it. Maybe this is a last-ditch attempt at help. I don’t know. I guess I’m desperate.",1.0324085147093989,3.2925260206489675,2.9507948656621217,90.22567089213108,83.77876106194691,6.26073507135454,22.436498445348,7.534196372845213,0.9720462568763462,1287,45,276,22,37,430,170,339,0.138,0.6709999999999999,0.191,0.9601,4,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,0,1,7,4,20,27,2,3,10,0,36,11,3,6,7,46,64,20,0,5,9,0,3,2,2,2,7,0,0,0,17,9,1,1,8,0,3,2,14,10,0,0,8,5,39,17,29,50,7,20,0,1,2,1,21,8,1,8,11,171,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955116680886576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501986517940952,0.0,0.0,0.06334655949851459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665616520396441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777803539885564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775728497265433,0.08238538082028661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066422737779726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007533864012625,0.0,0.08023168766418591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532684547920264,0.0,0.0,0.10802675503147248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152602249401014,0.0,0.1569691680621821,0.0,0.16743803594139992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420090791237846,0.06654781285476494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393802002384087,0.0,0.292008475637637,0.0,0.0,0.31252593769077586,0.0,0.0,0.1026174384411405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344590190653138,0.0,0.0,0.19803245622680352,0.0,0.0,0.062437827146123566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515727809909196,0.0,0.0,0.2773169819101065,0.08279778444685996,0.0,0.0,0.10238781450250248,0.07593131904129635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910187312647532,0.0,0.16450985870071605,0.08243659541896965,0.07822422546628524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407332377220629,0.0,0.18653906526610595,0.1888830298773176,0.0935837121328318,0.0,0.0,0.09384084758663427,0.09387531409266617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847744380640723,0.0,0.14368914182782727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126918942145916,0.1787637272655207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915974630110424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921387370457377,0.0,0.0,0.08913389083675495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848020891904584,0.0,0.0,0.09561919718929156,0.0,0.1047067594784627,0.0932192808835978,0.0949567408573522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670530999834063,0.19476540766259415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395228886826387,0.0,0.21412905908539892,0.0,0.08901073522033817,0.0,0.1264881970281478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494346757823907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018470970828588,0.0,0.11997367759457506
suicidewatch,Derzog,2018/03/11,"I will no longer be here next week Since as long as I can remember I've been depressed, but up until recently I haven't hidden it any longer. I've stopped caring about the world around me, and it doesn't seem like anyone cares about me. I've always been the social weirdo that's been outcasted all throughout my childhood and school, with no true friends. I'm currently in college and I'm tired of it. I'm lonely, and for the last 8 years I've done nothing but come home and cry alone each day for the pain I've felt from existing. 

They say you shouldn't commit suicide on a whim, so I never had, even though I've been struggling with these thoughts for as long as I can remember. I've always been told, that If I'm feeling that way I should wait til the end of the week, and If I still feel that way, then it would perhaps make the feelings more valid I guess? This works for a lot of people, but not for me. I've thought this out more than I care to admit. Next week, I will have all the materials, and I will be able to finally carry out the one thing that will bring this everlasting torment of my mind to an end. ",6.046959942775395,4.857314751072963,6.010826180257514,86.5511176680973,66.72532188841201,9.311731044349072,29.717095851216026,8.07648339933343,1.6479902718168815,879,24,200,9,12,277,131,233,0.157,0.725,0.118,-0.7779,1,3,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,1,1,8,10,0,1,12,0,21,2,0,1,5,44,42,21,1,5,6,0,4,1,1,7,2,1,1,0,14,14,0,2,10,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,11,5,18,6,30,22,6,33,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,5,23,124,32,3,0.11538601939547093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950511749099033,0.0,0.0,0.19202082303664827,0.0,0.0,0.07846644994412265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806805876198946,0.0,0.0,0.10271802051868176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529312105462662,0.0,0.0,0.0993948387328054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267461241958639,0.07441443686286105,0.0,0.09938180942852863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807995901182868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439552959872734,0.0,0.0,0.07621137757924194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502791510494453,0.0,0.11078867356382788,0.12639974422366798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914695235754416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711070909896302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157415854546216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405500617416797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056371780703660626,0.0,0.0,0.2042259923574272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809706744692816,0.0,0.0,0.0770210639336014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650698673275675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899281148024725,0.0,0.245428681305866,0.0,0.0,0.11071599758810652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818855295602438,0.0,0.12277885995603725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999413739406658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392977387992705,0.0,0.2614197336297482,0.0,0.0,0.09175959387898207,0.0,0.11677681179379085,0.0,0.10504309846182193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544850761015757,0.0,0.0,0.11762151586962148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921474241394206,0.09646787885854773,0.0,0.1206265204628986,0.0,0.12621357730987295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665734416357224,0.0,0.11336617820923076,0.18320722131313208,0.0,0.13261925532593866,0.0,0.11025628629160192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317610283801775,0.27766711434494684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400239636076125,0.0,0.0,0.08196691759191461,0.0,0.0,0.07430481341143537
suicidewatch,Lieutenant_Buzzkill,2018/03/11,"I just need a place to vent and have people who don't actually know me see it. So, I'm 17M, living in the USA. I'm a straight white male, should be living large in the last year and a half of my high school career, having a blast before college. Instead, my dad abuses me and my brother, I'm barely passing my classes because of stress, and my mental issues keep getting worse.

I've been officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder. My dad doesn't believe in mental illness though, so he refuses to let me take medication for my illnesses. He blames me for my stepmother leaving, and he drinks every night. He yells at me and my younger brother every night, and he is manipulative and hypocritical in everything he does.

He drank away all the money that was supposed to be used to pay for a school trip to Canada next month, and he quit my job for me, without my permission or consent, so I can't make the money myself. He stole $600 from me and said he wasn't paying it back.

I've got a girlfriend, which is great and all, but I can't treat her the way she deserves. She should be treated like a queen, but I can't do that because of everything that's going on with me. I've got one real friend I can count on, and even then, I hate putting my problems onto him. I don't feel like it's fair, but he's the only one I can really talk to. 

I feel like suicide is just the best way to solve the problems. If I was gone, my dad wouldn't be so angry, my friend would be able to enjoy his life, my girlfriend could find someone who could treat her better than I can. I cause problems, and if I'm gone, the problems are too. 

I've tried before, but I've (obviously) never succeeded. If I do try again, I will definitely make sure to do it right.

The last thing is, I'm a straight white male in America. I should be great. I know there's no suffering gatekeeper, but I don't feel like I'm allowed to feel like this. Minorities in this country have it so bad that my negative feelings feel like I'm stealing or something. I don't know. I'm already drunk off my dad's vodka, so I guess I'll see how the night goes.",5.03658391608392,4.927923504545458,6.1086363636363625,81.40853146853148,68.5,9.132867132867132,30.55944055944056,8.841846274778883,2.2357202797202804,1682,60,354,26,26,563,206,440,0.17800000000000002,0.684,0.13699999999999998,-0.9591,2,0,3,0,1,1,57.0,0,0,0,5,16,28,1,1,19,0,41,8,0,7,5,67,76,33,1,15,13,6,6,6,4,6,5,2,0,3,15,16,3,2,10,3,4,6,14,10,0,3,10,12,51,18,34,51,4,37,0,2,4,0,35,17,0,6,18,210,66,9,0.07985764872997303,0.09461825532566184,0.07792954555613363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812490115975723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502888973485568,0.06140560255487167,0.06667780103331161,0.09736096290778792,0.0,0.13590595455091106,0.08997222358358832,0.08380567551670626,0.07062760073867208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203580304743209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751966886973076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878127583456681,0.08105383247062274,0.0,0.0,0.18304756797355184,0.0,0.06988396655479763,0.0,0.0,0.0782300936309801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274522383072462,0.0,0.13456702657429973,0.0,0.1435418108551686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227055991046398,0.2852516010450272,0.0,0.0,0.07298844419590618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339564262662896,0.0,0.04172232545850911,0.0,0.04538494209348084,0.0,0.12773891364881027,0.17608667929412214,0.08797220330699099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884289514076616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437399037237588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335063760559402,0.07924639412715491,0.07098114742851913,0.0,0.0,0.1316630258521661,0.13018928434664362,0.0,0.08455771947082869,0.0,0.08165985634763323,0.05640581896922778,0.2340864804229151,0.0,0.14103153377702754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661120126412403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044817964469933,0.16095545440075554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374161332985469,0.0,0.0,0.05921343466068212,0.06159114176843895,0.0,0.08492951538959863,0.22482298088278527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082272190232463,0.060735340382615625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536323861366616,0.0697286186179088,0.08343424608870842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056519392941883,0.0,0.08027899380420456,0.0,0.08493843929660681,0.0,0.0908954873189666,0.05115885464838348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681979956806174,0.07596291115975579,0.0,0.0,0.16164040782224542,0.1272724136663065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766312662104099,0.061478319484055084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147666680935317,0.0,0.0,0.08735130628971806,0.0,0.07526488885154685,0.0,0.06004301343793099,0.06418655309518176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305387337963308,0.0,0.0784597344177697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843620298783284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897136836945633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677456898853734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697992364885352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138176648564008,0.05672858242989785,0.0,0.0,0.051425707546242864
suicidewatch,cyclone429,2018/03/11,I tried hanging myself. And i failed. I tried hanging myself about a week ago and no one knows. I went to an abandoned factory and tied myself up before thinking about it too much and just did it. I blacked out before waking up on the ground. I don’t know what to feel. That whole day i had finally felt happy and relieved when the thought of taking my life came and now after i did it i want to try it again. I thought maybe i would feel better as i have read that people have a new outlook on life after an attempt. But I don’t. ,1.6445945945945972,3.4109587297297317,2.984045045045047,93.4387702702703,78.81981981981983,5.160720720720722,21.91081081081081,5.6839178017228535,0.08037945945946001,413,12,90,2,10,134,69,111,0.08,0.821,0.099,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,6,0,8,3,1,0,0,21,20,9,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,8,1,0,4,3,2,0,1,8,4,17,3,14,11,2,20,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,10,68,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365143567447865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141901789881809,0.0,0.0,0.16327833898754215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115215495058295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906240414996724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669535325209247,0.0,0.177260843234017,0.2022384105243665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652775427831015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292085947870755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608002631890245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854721422805449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571440917670366,0.0,0.0,0.17830381792195468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510095465893942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798987290050665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466651349913055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388086725220446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182948330813939,0.0,0.2931298434385272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760275641136454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088916265855472,0.0,0.14808826342939896,0.0,0.0,0.17114139481634988,0.0,0.20611778909938888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114630279660472,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_am_fizzgig,2018/03/11,"23 and trying to find reasons TJ stay. It was very early I realized I was different from other kids. I had an existential crisis at the age of eight and from then I have struggled on and off with the notion of being alive. I wasn’t ever truly suicidal until about six months ago when I began to feel overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. 

I’m taking medication, but at this moment it does not seem to be working. I am anxious almost every hour of every day, I’m hypersensitive, I believe I’m mildly hallucinating, and all around very disillusioned and displeased with having to live in a world where humans have lost touch with nature and ultimately themselves. There is no balance among people. 

Why did I get placed in this body, at this time? What am I supposed to do with it? Why should we be controlled by money? Why work our entire lives only to die having regrets of not seeing or doing things? There’s a whole planet out there for each of us to explore and experience and yet here we are working every day in order to “earn” that “privilege”. It makes me sick and is ultimately too much for me to stomach. 

I got really bad several months back when I was basically living alone and now I’m here living with my boyfriend and I can’t even trust myself to be alone anywhere other than the shower. The though of death scares me but simultaneously fills me with relief. 

All in all, I have only one reason I can think of right now and that’s my dad. He’s on the transplant list for a heart and he’s the only person I’ve ever really, truly connected to. I don’t want to leave before he does but it is becoming almost unbearable. 

I never thought I’d get to this point. Each time I came close in the past something always turned me around. I haven’t figured out how yet, but I’m sure I will soon. I’m so scared. Completely terrified, but at the same time I can’t wait for all of this to be over. 

Thanks for listening.",3.484981422057082,5.209792049738223,4.938843100827565,81.60140263469012,73.52879581151832,7.442121263300117,23.579125147779088,8.155646560271837,1.3528747508866736,1521,43,293,24,31,509,208,382,0.16899999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.07,-0.9925,2,2,1,0,0,0,33.0,4,0,0,6,24,12,0,4,12,0,31,6,3,5,8,65,56,26,3,3,8,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,16,29,0,2,10,0,1,4,9,7,0,3,11,4,34,5,60,38,9,59,0,3,1,0,12,26,0,4,27,210,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998520003146706,0.0,0.1807085745268864,0.1869062235679708,0.0,0.0,0.07508023010583488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193644630203212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065117302588794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938281776888951,0.0753399287009765,0.0,0.09965412532723794,0.07678076336671938,0.10166053476282737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002273809774092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032013393661388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460650725424477,0.0,0.10120283061960733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638431612791095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936465424785192,0.09427320718634118,0.0,0.0,0.1579252157685736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059597367356769224,0.16323997142858288,0.2280729874972594,0.0,0.08109467939738045,0.08826418403097425,0.0,0.0,0.04562399686036727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824703888925124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428496370816493,0.0,0.05128090981453548,0.0,0.07216675188368597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692532279279947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886031783888715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554263124044426,0.0,0.0,0.06373351120770679,0.0,0.0,0.3187059421483414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984988578081662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060230542830527714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908992201996433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440446004257785,0.0,0.06633088258842487,0.0,0.06959246042213793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061143520319774526,0.20587644507516564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613662846117609,0.06255548901087685,0.0787870786630517,0.09427320718634118,0.0,0.08529838030559861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560982521625922,0.1855469933019253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770576121663086,0.0,0.0,0.1806758927066945,0.0,0.07190320033522324,0.08214379960279877,0.0,0.10193644630203212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946498137019506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617527777579966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943300499393455,0.0,0.09869913353196352,0.0,0.0850425669696209,0.0,0.06784321440272945,0.0,0.0,0.08307347795293801,0.0,0.0,0.05994611363586045,0.057817005073667466,0.08865245561981212,0.0716341077791095,0.15784496774646445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126158687826625,0.0981464761707453,0.0,0.0,0.10853795389207876,0.0,0.0,0.1489016556337479,0.05322115567333873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442609636123461,0.10074077580322384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970698536273993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dwashelle,2018/03/11,"I'm done. Hey,

So I've been depressed for most of my life. I've been suicidal longer than I can remember. I've been in and out of counselling for the past 7 years and I feel I've finally reached the end of my tether. I'm going to kill myself next weekend.

I know my family will be destroyed, I know it's a dick move, but I just cannot live like this anymore, I have no desire to participate in life.

I don't even know why I'm writing this here. I'd like to tell you all the full story of why I want to die but I have no desire to even explain it at this point. I'm just done.

Thanks and goodbye.",-0.3543609022556389,1.4652816466165426,2.1330451127819567,96.69024436090228,85.91729323308269,5.303759398496241,19.274436090225567,6.5431188927421005,-0.09426917293233084,461,13,114,5,14,158,77,133,0.207,0.693,0.099,-0.9302,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,2,0,4,0,12,3,1,0,1,20,24,6,3,3,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,1,14,3,16,17,3,14,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,1,8,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521364167410858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521694979785342,0.0,0.18336024975818285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615987309443756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648117752606838,0.0,0.0,0.23338369734203504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655300593076172,0.0,0.08933194155248618,0.0,0.0,0.19353829170280032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040819642195463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546417060594048,0.0,0.29128707345364513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495808648929384,0.17262848441094353,0.0,0.1560068305915871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777704580910395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878953474413523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865581248332692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701451973403744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013778103290197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325324028367946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544213104041831,0.16265815333465872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042072044349205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188425335575536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137725929848184
suicidewatch,Chianie,2018/03/11,"I want to make my loved ones sad I'm not actually serious about committing suicide, but I've had thoughts... and I find that whenever I think about it, besides thinking about the idea that I can finally end my undiagnosed chronic pain, I usually think about how my friends and family would react. 
And I want them to be sad. 
I want them to think that it's all their fault and that if they did something different, like believed me and been supportive of me getting tests done and going to doctors then I wouldn't have done it. 
Has anyone else wanted this to happen? It seems like normally the idea of making your loved ones suffer deters people from suicide, but it's kind of appealing to me and I feel kinda mean....
I know they all care about me a lot, but it feels like just telling them that I need help, medically and emotionally, is never really enough. Whenever I try to get my parents to take me to the doctor they're obviously concerned but they also brush it off, say it's all in my head, and that I'm stressed and just need to take a break. Sometimes it feels like dying is the only way I can really show them how much pain I'm in and how serious this problem is to me. ",6.2480360065466485,5.831650425531919,6.825106382978723,78.3269230769231,66.02127659574468,10.46481178396072,32.11947626841244,10.035473477838034,2.917248772504091,930,33,188,19,13,306,123,235,0.14800000000000002,0.69,0.161,-0.5336,2,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,8,0,11,20,0,1,6,0,15,9,1,6,6,57,47,21,3,11,8,1,3,4,1,2,6,1,0,0,17,11,0,0,14,1,0,1,3,10,0,2,6,5,33,10,23,38,6,11,0,3,0,2,16,3,0,4,9,127,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.10056628650369584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824126138789761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720580740862339,0.10559147197735366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610708556954455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105070889487903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695425856466366,0.10766997595710358,0.0,0.21096121179362745,0.0,0.21092098323973327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860887770954916,0.11592239597459475,0.09127566276604758,0.10648280466235596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715057262701883,0.0,0.15632229320403684,0.14724425264699514,0.0,0.1128911229137374,0.09418990882190244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961961962654174,0.0,0.10768340314877214,0.0,0.05856822411775766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113071802671396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057636064659844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907523178182823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267188146190684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731536092562276,0.0566360357307396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201388813351462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761321604442557,0.18602134608697346,0.0,0.13757930364303556,0.0,0.0,0.1122565176403694,0.0,0.10381652587749313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757568851921261,0.1528271515625524,0.0794819521270398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097148959191936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966473739988822,0.07837756011829937,0.21931442117444072,0.0,0.11442978139256835,0.0,0.0,0.07144498632016226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860919975251373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203865099057613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819530423477481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938169093025182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793363575634583,0.10192349535492357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804853495682255,0.0,0.0,0.22544970414273036,0.1169449791762661,0.0,0.0,0.15496825623331173,0.0,0.09007413974754433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641325454808732,0.0,0.08181372939864047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996721320023798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349992750743655,0.0,0.2431367606039349,0.08179983301134716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320693111811186,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tfthrowaway69,2018/03/11,"i have a weird fetish and honestly i’m at a point where i genuinely want to kill myself, like if i can’t enjoy life and do all the things i want to do then what’s the point. this fetish has ruined my life so i don’t even think it’s worth pushing through. it’s going to be a hellhole so why should i ke p going? just some drunk thoughts u kno",0.4020779220779218,1.898017519480522,2.185714285714287,98.98428571428572,81.59740259740259,5.43896103896104,18.79220779220779,6.18269132825596,-0.41034545454545457,267,6,68,2,7,88,53,77,0.158,0.6659999999999999,0.17600000000000002,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,5,0,8,3,0,0,1,11,15,6,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,1,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,5,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871967596534212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221491342694356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31356311329793324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40037697329805255,0.13846508249567172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358485149622844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829218007688134,0.18160459903983725,0.0,0.22500444988850876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33433785178524994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557431808708905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAgain1238,2018/03/11,"I Truly Hate Living Obligatory I'm on mobile, so format will be unadulterated trash, as well as this is decently lengthy, get a snack.


I cannot remember a single day of my pitiful existence being remotely enjoyable. Every memory seems to be, at best, apathy. At worst, my memories are filled with contempt. Even my dreams are plagued with a call to the proverbial void.


Between the excessive feeling of self hatred, loneliness, failure, mental disarray, and overall depression, I'm beginning to have the wonderful nag of self termination (I'd say suicide but let me be a bit avant garde, that word began to bore me with time). Each day feels dreadfully extended. Every second is filled with a feeling I could almost describe as regret to my birth. It certainly does not help that I cannot connect with other people. 


I have friends, had friends, and will have friends, but, they all feel so 2 dimensional. As if I can only observe them and not interect(if that is a clear description of the phenomena). Because of this looming emotional flaw, I will never have a relationship that feels gratifying for the sake of love. Never can I be involved in romance, as I am incapable of expressing depth of such a remarkable emotion. To those who can or do still love, whether superficially or deeply, cling to such a miracle. 


I only fail in school. My motivation erodes with every second, leaving me nothing more than a disappointment whom steadily adds to debt. What was I thinking, engineering is for those who seek a better world, I want to escape it. With each failure, I see more reason to flee from my self created hell. 


If only I could properly type the details of my suffering, it is all too existential to describe in clarity. Let it be known, in my few moments of lucidity, I demand my death from myself. Purpose never having existed, happiness but a fleeting memory, and suffering all encompassing, the only bulwark against my imminent display of cranial ballistic testing is a macabre curiosity of tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day.


If you made it this far, than you have my thanks. Yet, I have a request. Reddit, do tell me why I shouldn't take a visit to the lead express while having my last cigarette. And none of that cheesy shit like ""BuT yOuR specIAL tO sOMeOne"" or ""but youR FamIlY"". So, have a goodnight or morning I guess, and be suave in all things.",4.934171481826657,7.2565494068965535,5.949158123640887,73.35016775396086,71.02298850574712,9.484311898105002,33.136067101584345,9.901549036053794,3.8313504193849015,1892,93,312,52,37,625,238,435,0.165,0.64,0.195,0.9481,1,0,1,0,0,1,72.0,0,4,2,5,10,30,5,1,27,0,42,4,1,4,9,65,64,31,2,8,15,0,5,1,3,4,0,1,0,3,21,19,1,0,12,1,1,5,9,15,1,2,4,7,41,15,54,45,14,38,1,7,1,2,27,12,2,11,22,238,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403121716197438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057242961502140186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854637657614897,0.08305039123126706,0.10251876592531807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588640719474667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994928722693987,0.0,0.0,0.30280131788774706,0.0,0.08087931357858938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217595815895826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125855450601355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062022657274323725,0.0,0.23735432225374856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852426388388937,0.0,0.2374032315736152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764982009569744,0.0,0.04906092541963058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034457609448668,0.0,0.0,0.09996247500938442,0.0,0.09271068560681096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294182196507991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654423260896061,0.0,0.09943069862531603,0.0,0.19204625236112813,0.0,0.0458767148106084,0.0,0.08291888676401338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695039183377881,0.08885416496846013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463307063374306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727348940434066,0.0,0.2996036707923728,0.0,0.0,0.09010334928078184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28567266777213424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651011584508968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654887526285533,0.0,0.10081767360367774,0.10637484230490503,0.0,0.0,0.07467617071833864,0.0,0.0950357860667677,0.07482927097470278,0.0854866071428311,0.2938868224690328,0.0,0.09639103026194773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956449148825882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499179633865734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271565345629953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060406561416703,0.0,0.08207617001640133,0.08645411836427258,0.0,0.0,0.06238559563725987,0.06016984389335797,0.0,0.0,0.054756134212046274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538696832547235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443090658313017,0.0,0.08473368709355614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183480171304644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_l_i_s_s_a,2018/03/11,"I admitted that I was suicidal to my boss, and his response resulted in cutting myself. I, a 23 year old female, am a teacher, rejected multiple times, but now teach yet again. Worded that pretty stupidly but... anyways.

I was reported by some of my co-workers that I have been doing my job poorly. In what way, I don't know. Maybe the pauses in between sentences, dragging out words, or arriving to the classroom 15 minutes late. I went to the principal's office and asked what exactly is preventing my potential. Told him instantly about my depression, due to some advice given to me in this website. He said that I'm faking it for an excuse to slack, or that I'm looking for attention. I just abruptly left.

It reminded me of how cruel and heartless people can be, and how worthless I am in the grand scheme of things. One thing lead to another and... read title.

This abyss keeps getting deeper and deeper.",4.343458646616544,6.327802397660822,5.52795739348371,77.18486842105266,71.80701754385964,8.628404344193816,31.512531328320804,9.23628265651192,3.1668776942355885,714,33,121,16,14,237,119,171,0.179,0.755,0.066,-0.9724,1,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,7,0,11,0,0,5,1,27,23,12,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,2,3,1,1,2,1,8,0,1,7,2,19,1,21,15,2,19,0,3,1,0,8,7,0,4,9,91,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092049444136493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224490609178793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014398159491575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439423472282293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185247991448216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124499440046185,0.1902918228982876,0.0,0.0,0.11765751942769424,0.0,0.2415013146293036,0.0,0.23260793730447665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797805407261787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508081761263265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246500175032328,0.0,0.14507200532286066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842210895444793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178051164403529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414657867589376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036473255353824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417822772104896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446196329503143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483680953349845,0.0,0.0,0.20457087319124906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699336000046174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984623171537498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585908206838675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786606708018587
suicidewatch,SpaghetMaster,2018/03/11,"The weight of my sins I'm aware that I'm not a good person, even though I want to be. I've had close friends and an ex who I acted mean to in the past, and I didn't realize until it was too late that I am a terrible person. I want to be better, but there are times when I wish the whole world would crumble and die. I often want to kill myself just because of what I've done in the past, and also because I feel like a failure. I'll likely never kill myself anyway because I'm too scared to do it, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out.",2.4372499999999997,2.6591928916666667,4.223333333333336,91.50000000000004,74.25,6.666666666666668,22.5,5.985473137389443,0.20325000000000013,417,9,100,2,8,142,73,120,0.244,0.6459999999999999,0.109,-0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,2,1,8,0,10,1,0,0,1,23,22,10,3,6,5,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,2,13,5,12,14,1,13,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,9,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291751709713913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29540085346517525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285981371651987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764223322048175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530087318585251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668878415924424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167422437267925,0.1153967858498086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479737620067648,0.0,0.08439255447564697,0.0,0.0,0.13548337337141655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35741716231499365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221243611564336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578304168012631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595309960854116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458159342242993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083965809122482,0.0,0.2820828503950679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171931894550268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870202195659278,0.12823646751935575,0.09418921473333976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810973968932162,0.0,0.0,0.19669954897470468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034204130804085,0.18575108007757493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474600062267135,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Defnotathrowaway1333,2018/03/11,"I feel like I'm slowly being pushed to the edge. Every fucking day is like living on a loop. I wake up, try to keep my self distracted to keep the thoughts away, then at the end of the day I spend hours feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I even have a chance to turn things around or if I should just fucking end it all. I'm so fucked up in the head. I have thoughts of hurting myself and others sometimes and I realized how fucked up that is so that makes me consider killing myself even more. I just want this to end. I want to be normal. I want to LIVE. Because right now I'm not fucking living. I'm a goddamn hollow shell of a man with very little keeping me from ending it. Please help.",2.8640125391849516,4.054773344827588,3.873667711598749,90.76855799373043,74.17241379310343,6.376175548589343,24.21630094043887,6.574015621080383,0.6328620689655176,545,16,118,4,11,176,87,145,0.16399999999999998,0.718,0.118,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,6,1,9,0,7,7,2,2,1,28,29,10,1,7,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,8,0,0,2,2,16,2,21,24,2,20,0,1,0,5,3,10,5,4,11,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002837267595748,0.0,0.0,0.1058398012225942,0.0,0.0,0.06867131445911206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530180810806304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991032019046625,0.0,0.0,0.14881051886581992,0.0,0.09491375518197803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139199757747796,0.08047826073323006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207225254017253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156129484749696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550793207356764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093904471507267,0.0,0.12059577059032404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003895123972236,0.12463220430053673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007167436620152,0.11290640690457425,0.29842003967727154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751957571928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037456090707308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365752856805592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962037734014693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175200925526634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114152231623024,0.1261041417158468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484065714463617,0.0,0.0,0.17886543013361092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648298015686462,0.12253249339344802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929492929704087,0.1993343366069479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216575641455026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SomewhatInfluential,2018/03/11,"Time's Up I'm completely over it. I'm on my way to New York City, and I'm going to do it. 

What attractions should I check out before? What buildings have the easiest access to the roof? ",-0.3562499999999993,1.8152458750000025,2.2800000000000007,92.965,90.25,6.2,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.5131000000000006,145,4,33,3,5,50,30,40,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42286940838287546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210445428980117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28242917944219903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799591778449655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28977661070460825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944572345142876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alicexotwod,2018/03/11,"i am broken beyond words. i don’t know where else to write this really. but i am a 16 year old girl and i was manipulated, taken advantage of, and sexually assaulted by my boyfriend’s 38 year old father for around 4 months. he would groom me, flatter me, make me feel special, he convinced me that nobody cared about me but him, that he was the only one i could trust, that even my boyfriend would never love me or care about me like he did. he knew i was a vulnerable child and used that to his advantage, he had sex with me multiple times, even at times when i would tell him i felt extremely anxious and would try to escape to vomit, i would say no i don’t want to right now, he would either become very agitated with me and say i was ‘asking for it’ so i had to, or he would say how lonely he was, how nobody loved him, and make me cave into his sadness. i knew he was a hurt person but he hurt me even more. him and his psychotic wife went to a pastor at a church yesterday and confessed that i was “in love with him” and had begged him to have sex with me and he was “owning up to it”. well the pastor reported it to the police, his wife told me that i had ruined her marriage, ruined her family, and that i should go kill myself. i had to testify to police and he admitted to everything.. my boyfriend is broken beyond words as am i. he feels as if i cheated on him, he keeps saying that i let it happen, i let it go on for months, he doesn’t understand that his father would make me keep this a secret, he would manipulate me over and over again... at one time my boyfriend’s 9 year old brother actually caught the father attempting to have sex with me, he saved me, and the father threatened him not to tell anyone. now that this disgusting man is in jail and the article detailing his crime is published, many people are saying that i am no victim, that i had some responbilitity in this, this is so painful, i truly just want to end everything end all of this i cannot take anymore guilt and pain anymore from this entire situation i let it go on even though i would always try to get away and i would never want to go anywhere alone without my boyfriend with me because when i did, his dad would grope and fondle me even when i squirmed away. he gave me heroin to sniff one time just so i could “feel nice”. i am so horribly violated and even my boyfriend says that he doesn’t know how he could ever love me again, that he could never touch me again after this knowing that “his dad was inside me” although i didn’t want it... please someone convince me to not end my life before i do",6.758125821048026,5.277051294117649,7.182552182163189,79.66894139541675,65.47058823529412,10.308830827616408,30.705663406801925,9.162432508145574,2.2580950810100715,2020,55,431,29,26,664,215,527,0.199,0.693,0.108,-0.9968,0,3,0,0,0,2,49.0,0,0,0,3,32,32,6,1,12,0,56,11,0,9,5,94,96,39,1,22,12,9,5,1,0,13,4,6,0,4,30,27,0,2,13,0,0,6,14,15,1,3,26,12,84,17,57,50,5,55,4,6,0,7,74,20,0,4,30,307,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0601414744082061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382954640367294,0.0,0.0,0.051280657648042786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962376110600599,0.12223975156714074,0.0430927597033484,0.0,0.0,0.054863296190516095,0.05761523685167056,0.0,0.11580583512102326,0.0,0.0,0.037568754041169716,0.06806490972280715,0.052442141354840204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567070796537644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682447387936047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148351564449973,0.0,0.16375625849925046,0.0,0.0,0.2442341096588843,0.05574738567999465,0.0,0.0,0.11077719089014007,0.0,0.0580987812170602,0.0,0.0934851382408076,0.0,0.059173957807931235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032198855400822686,0.0,0.1401017965114085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449873845947016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195124862247454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095582126412488,0.0681838794823649,0.0,0.1016098380054237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890609316015353,0.043530718597199834,0.030109046941468876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249201823035625,0.0,0.12341445314542394,0.06248261137018656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838411296916637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259734417816908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400929067221304,0.0,0.12528517541147616,0.046871990504085116,0.1311562065874673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272611593559004,0.053812477696380714,0.0,0.06765065315413915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948141780671178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263123225789144,0.0,0.29406137804545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927410858004279,0.0,0.0,0.05221845153873423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633769298022916,0.0,0.1077337497247456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060550643223782376,0.0,0.14374656268479286,0.0,0.0,0.0588896014656195,0.0,0.08368473189951124,0.0,0.0,0.06415845371943522,0.0,0.053228076156336984,0.0,0.05085076867117628,0.14540263714538465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541229663276594,0.05713113788296455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940861165087075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253577031521106,0.0,0.0,0.11906207789015505
suicidewatch,SlyFox97,2018/03/11,A resolution Don't even know why the fuck I'm posting this here I'll probably be too pussy to do anything but here it goes. If I do not get my shit together within the next two years I won't be alive three years from now. I'm giving myself two years.,1.0259999999999998,2.676906872727276,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,80.27272727272728,6.581818181818183,20.090909090909093,7.554174236665415,0.4043818181818182,198,5,47,3,5,67,41,55,0.091,0.782,0.127,0.4515,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,0,4,12,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,4,0,3,9,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,5,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514484675220307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646540290950212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304650571784865,0.13024400108727202,0.2391421703999499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700354341703094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651232828751257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387513959327133,0.0,0.26877733068937826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25589312355728744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870412050179152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494590836898226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816047405766482
suicidewatch,petrichorchildren,2018/03/11,"Self-fullfilling prophecy I sometimes see my life as a movie or something and think to myself that suicide would be the cherry on top, the thing that everyone would expect from me, the ending to a story about a miserable life.

I know I probably won't kill myself, because I don't have the guts, but I think about that a lot.

Everything, literally everything, is shit currently and has been for the last five years. My future is pretty grim, I try not to think about it, I will probably become homeless in the next months.",8.118787878787877,7.233964313131317,7.984525252525255,73.08345454545456,62.43434343434343,11.556363636363635,34.95151515151515,10.793553405168565,3.682529696969697,413,15,75,9,5,133,68,99,0.147,0.773,0.08,-0.8285,1,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,1,10,0,11,4,2,0,0,13,16,5,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,12,0,11,10,1,10,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,2,7,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868819136488224,0.1969150194621563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791821346589702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037041650310789,0.3204836793133308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725920463207908,0.0,0.0979873638750067,0.14533584537497632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518728764844598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158172654632224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423149578761491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896208736130532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813921396804117,0.3844686268215043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207961834904442,0.0,0.18600264767303698,0.0,0.1830192999811345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726173516182133,0.17634028402406035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502797035771485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184525988715862,0.3427365392633577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105195377314874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331413489979104,0.0,0.0,0.1148174170823329
suicidewatch,daddysteenymasochist,2018/03/11,:( Every day is hell and people around me just terrorize me. What am I? What have I done wrong? I never hurt anybody ... Why do I deserve so much hatred....? Life is unbearable. It sucks. My boyfriend is stressed but won't listen to me. I don't fucking know what to do. I'm not in control of anything and I hate it. I wish I had something sharp but all my knives suck. Fuck. I can't fucking do this ,-1.5223983739837408,0.226833182926832,0.6444390243902447,100.17901626016264,107.41463414634146,3.162276422764228,18.881300813008128,5.2151,-0.4608513821138209,299,11,68,2,15,98,56,82,0.29,0.652,0.058,-0.9668,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,3,11,7,2,0,0,13,4,0,1,2,12,23,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,2,2,14,0,5,20,2,4,1,1,0,3,1,2,6,0,2,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400033996627073,0.18822992832758215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371523493452169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636384391467324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163805543514926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815063233576578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864295243229944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875710762256708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263551025506632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620405537138412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934910241531366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554356191786104,0.0,0.16307859557661916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658859927672946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277986918255033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220830987978198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907952607627672,0.0,0.24315008689266934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231180746778065,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrwaytheway,2018/03/11,"Nothing Thanks to surgeries, I have a gallon bag of leftover prescriptions, including enough of two very powerful medications.  (Enough for effective doses of TWO different meds. 
That's not even dipping into the rest of the bag.) I'm *really* running out of reasons not to.  Every day these get slimmer, nearly translucent.  Also my beneficiaries would benefit greatly.  I don't anticipate help of any kind. I don't expect any response.",4.830840840840839,8.25193421621622,5.954504504504506,67.01647147147148,78.45945945945945,8.694294294294295,33.8978978978979,9.150863307647796,4.367863663663664,348,19,47,10,9,115,57,74,0.062,0.7440000000000001,0.194,0.8877,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,2,0,8,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,12,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703031514632413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840725105148188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347014928879345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182208422890468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316294698900469,0.0,0.13795422995525514,0.0,0.17597887713969765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912402796968262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302758475853536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399986869760901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750212390752768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23200338834430065,0.210410836624827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041286060095184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338051085167537,0.21474935652986207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922960390531535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080640769255109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723365825796255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483726361781232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beardmind,2018/03/11,"Ready, vodka, or rum? Literally every horrible thing you could think of has been done to me. Seriously I've went through every possible torture there is. When I was young i was molested. When I grew up I was bullied. When I was fully grown I was gang-stalked by psychopaths who wanted to blame me for how I acted as a 7 year old rape victim. I found true love, and it was destroyed by more psychopaths who wanted to see how much pain I could live through. I think the best way to die is getting drunk and falling asleep in a freezing cold. I've researched this enough to know that I talk only truth.",3.8232119514472447,5.2338539915966384,4.341456582633054,87.48671335200748,72.10924369747899,6.969561157796452,27.507936507936506,7.3871296695380915,1.3636547152194218,471,17,96,5,9,149,82,119,0.293,0.5920000000000001,0.114,-0.9723,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,6,11,5,0,3,0,13,5,1,2,2,15,23,9,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,4,3,0,5,0,7,0,0,10,3,14,4,14,11,4,14,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,6,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272450217664496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32368402152711645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103739184669878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207435750228802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944659115776187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415723763446411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225359576591228,0.0,0.0,0.1059040555200113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140037734830786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178990638933197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294755169173632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490101750281009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127029096218856,0.0,0.0,0.1541649174445885,0.21569049600251186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285174008229072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615282060019194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292515357012374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346669987878735,0.25976805100227063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391191979545868,0.16089636477764202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790789681686348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053421465083842
suicidewatch,olyroo94,2018/03/11,"Swings and Roundabouts 4 years ago almost to the day,
I sat  exactly where I am sitting right now.
Ready to let go of all the burden, strain, pressure, and just overall sadness. I was ready to let go.

Death is something that has always interested me,
I remember being 9 years old and telling myself if this girl I liked at school said she didn't like me back, well then I'd kill myself. 14 years later I don't think a day has gone by where I haven't fantasised about what's next...

I've never really done a post like this before,
But today I lost it. My partner of the last 3 years and I have ended. It was mutual and it was fine. Until she cut me off completely,
And deleted me out of her life.

The same girl who pulled me away from this exact cliff edge 4 years ago as a friend turned into the love of my life.
But I ruined it.

My own depressive thoughts corrupted my mind into being so reliant on substances like alcohol and weed. And she couldn't take it anymore I assume.

She's better off anyway,
I just want to be happy. And I feel like there's only one way to achieve that.

I told myself I'd never come back to this place. And I am better than this...",2.3309243697478976,3.947600621848743,3.6770504201680687,89.89515546218489,76.39495798319328,6.440672268907564,21.1436974789916,7.1686216300943375,0.4886295798319331,900,22,192,10,20,295,142,238,0.145,0.716,0.138,-0.1898,0,0,2,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,4,12,22,2,2,8,0,19,4,0,0,5,34,34,17,2,3,5,0,1,5,2,0,3,1,0,3,14,14,1,0,5,0,0,5,6,9,1,1,11,2,32,13,24,17,3,42,0,4,0,1,14,12,0,3,27,128,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023684634186807,0.1267312716787984,0.11874572045991234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098672196818053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176044280516668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141448530327808,0.18236904817772845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090707745676587,0.0,0.0,0.20975754305608366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215045363356444,0.1243340875607402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295499402865112,0.0,0.10213706310585324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135359875693365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503108780783943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996012520854714,0.08471712809473536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161845564086933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478914540075254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623590837390047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119670231762506,0.0,0.0,0.09666257996581372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425223376505475,0.16752014619368352,0.2896731381842957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294495058193151,0.0,0.10702756760623096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973701751480136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829200827473782,0.0,0.12611646363991294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443498056731135,0.0,0.08035624641316255,0.09018921527909687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389605680546288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357162380306175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596856996681539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343336571571428,0.10127091863311022,0.1128014645946581,0.0,0.0,0.12001432318517355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912925054180087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916114128684911,0.0,0.10364849286593228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598446216823626,0.0,0.09414322214652612,0.0,0.0,0.11240468821459364,0.11331302313308154,0.0,0.0,0.12898639761847916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994448924945154,0.09412723154585792,0.0,0.0,0.10662213181849273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818241718536189
suicidewatch,Kiira420,2018/03/11,"I want to die I've never posted anything on Reddit before. But here we go. My situation might be a little unique here. I will try to keep this brief. I'm 19, freshmen in college and I want to die because I am a burden to my older siblings, who have been taking care of me. Lets just say my parents are dead. They think I'm actually stupid; an idiot. Granted they would take a bullet for me, but they degrade me every damn day of my life. They have ""no expectations"" from me because how could I ever accomplish something right? I haven't got my license yet. I know how to drive, but I haven't got a chance to practice so I'm no pro. They give me shit for this all the fking time. Today I heard my sister say ""If she's not worried about it why should I be?"" Really? I'm not worried?? They think I live life carelessly without a worry in my mind. I am constantly feeling worthless and pathetic and it has devoured me. I have no friends, no nothing. There are people who care about me and I know I'm being ungrateful, but I really think I have reached my limit. I have the worst luck in every single aspect of my life, trust me on that. I'm not hideous, but I have allot of acne scars and I am super thin. I don't attract anyone. I never look my age. I have no idea what to do with my life. All I know is I need to get away, just leave this miserable, destined-for-failure life. I believe in God but if I died right now, i'd go straight to hell. I really want kill myself. 
I doubt anyone will read this, just needed to let this off my chest. If someone does, thank you for your time.",0.717177700348433,2.840488731707321,2.778881533101046,91.83092682926832,83.9390243902439,5.21198606271777,20.651916376306623,6.474141703775902,0.25089675958188185,1216,37,262,12,35,409,172,328,0.248,0.614,0.139,-0.9935,1,0,1,0,0,3,50.0,1,2,6,3,14,21,6,2,8,0,30,7,2,2,5,54,62,17,5,12,16,2,2,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,11,7,0,2,8,1,0,4,14,13,0,0,4,6,59,8,30,47,5,30,1,2,1,0,19,13,3,7,12,179,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.09353792082649104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404417450653042,0.0,0.07887819386176897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005629761645753,0.0,0.0,0.11686122349449285,0.0,0.0815631627639541,0.10799260621997364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954554132159841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358217660541727,0.0,0.07653018252214364,0.0,0.0,0.06181673965765029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984383529755739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838809065803581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867038029800563,0.1615192259589978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846575260122038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405517232247702,0.0,0.05007881859934639,0.09195016485164946,0.10895002890006616,0.0,0.15332352198483926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820546717678953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519783993299238,0.1060462581508349,0.0,0.15803358790364247,0.0,0.0,0.10149364034766256,0.0,0.1960307383608593,0.3385162194418665,0.0,0.096069086161819,0.08463924912132319,0.0,0.08049170741321234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016840373161628,0.09678339809826036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214638424051598,0.1478542522283703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197277151279218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643252529462126,0.0,0.0,0.06645184689820953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179991206845303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587813945099864,0.0,0.18421612219825728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371451097206827,0.0,0.1524510341014135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839090636396186,0.0,0.1077418893940792,0.0,0.0,0.08121525841816776,0.07379170684760468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413785162126053,0.0,0.0,0.08824782805663246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842546591842796,0.0,0.0,0.11178437785070128,0.0,0.09085667835545552,0.0,0.0,0.06507735222512727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960833387149507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649170208098222,0.0,0.0,0.0923981007730777,0.0,0.0,0.2920276871049067,0.0,0.06809065309003605,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bluemanspew25,2018/03/11,"I'm On Wayy to many substances and I'm extremely fucked up but I'm not really feeling the need to live anymore. 
I've posted before and deleted because of the people who I've talked too but right now it's like . Fuck it, od on this and end this shitty rotten existence who gives a flying fuck. Not a god damn soul does. ",1.070938166311301,3.2232481194029887,2.9368869936034123,91.05432835820896,82.73134328358209,5.619616204690832,20.01918976545842,6.868970318607317,0.3601189765458428,252,7,53,3,7,84,48,67,0.32299999999999995,0.603,0.07400000000000001,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,9,5,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,9,0,7,1,0,0,3,4,4,4,0,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23197448697170245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425885169617621,0.0,0.1990389980431978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469499998457602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071735997865606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827122085829175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6487342194956048,0.0,0.2243864516993373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427593115841475,0.0,0.2065455871174469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23714661607914325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344026969978735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621627776134364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401978907362274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498478444730306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975667399826114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800687958268492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bikbikcarrots,2018/03/11,"I went from being afraid of my future to being reassured in the fact I won’t make it that far... The past two years of my life has been awful. From being in a mildly abusive state for about 3 years, to one long year of threats and manipulation. About this time last year, it all ended, my abuser went to a psychological hospital for 3 months. She returned to school this year. I’m 15, and 2 months ago I got diagnosed with PTSD from this thing. The months leading up to my visit to a psychiatrist got exponentially worse. I don’t know how I am going to make it through March. I keep having intrusive thoughts of suicide and self harm, I do my best to keep away from it.  I haven’t brought it up with my therapists because I don’t want to be hospitalized. The PTSD is already going to take so long to fix, and that dawns on me everyday. Even though it scares me, for some reason my head says I won’t live to see my own recovery. I don’t want to kill myself, I want to live, I want to get better. Why is this happening to me? ",3.900714285714287,4.486146595238097,5.150476190476192,84.85285714285716,71.14285714285714,8.476190476190476,25.952380952380953,8.634040054169528,1.5108095238095245,795,23,176,13,14,265,115,210,0.157,0.773,0.069,-0.9719,0,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,2,2,7,1,17,3,1,6,2,23,39,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,13,6,0,2,3,0,0,7,6,5,0,2,7,2,26,3,38,26,4,34,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,19,115,39,2,0.0,0.2674152195963925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003382808707736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453167580841787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060253486785564,0.0,0.0,0.06879170194612813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842806150139322,0.09980576843280643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453935783670174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995071714958237,0.0,0.0,0.07453569908263066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895894394880784,0.0,0.1282693726968997,0.0,0.1805113058089579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997919965201788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581562920771878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061074960080466,0.12485069666514627,0.0,0.06201885821751035,0.09198699538167414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970858485106451,0.0,0.0,0.1992954660028025,0.19973562471531736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065516532383547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702249814377276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646940181309518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772713802173264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638288801559779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602756524167472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974205288700983,0.11298153397997585,0.11420921101499353,0.08992604104777756,0.0,0.11772611669429732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343848802273027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484840250155577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102638487919105,0.074971860088853,0.0,0.11087356787856599,0.08958949930646536,0.06580315842492611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102370737527092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26624505209102994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092243040469852,0.10182866844019706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500277024235832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633552750747203
suicidewatch,Sinatra_95,2018/03/11,"Intrusive thoughts I keep getting them, they've been in my life since age 7. I'm 22 now and they won't go away. My body and mind continue to panic at every little thing that happens around me even if it is not supposed to directly affect me.
I feel sick and anxious all the time and it's hard to sleep.  I'm more and more convinced that my life is falling apart and that there's nothing for me here. I don't know what to do I just want it to go away.",0.931995464852612,2.6014616326530664,2.5036054421768696,96.50726757369615,80.63265306122447,5.580045351473924,22.113378684807266,6.42735559955562,0.19092834467120226,352,11,84,3,9,115,66,98,0.121,0.8320000000000001,0.047,-0.7222,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,6,5,2,1,1,18,17,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,2,12,1,11,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,4,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23955899641805994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877170619346284,0.0,0.0,0.3984606576870852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355425529492885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400586937359368,0.0,0.17866339919622054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722012878560018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078869287005408,0.0,0.2410286749486236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875173487327557,0.0,0.18995741224428608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884820286405781,0.0,0.0,0.11653852282661376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995579409915734,0.0,0.21253233959531626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411260222836587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347011811639226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487979503968144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541204108301675,0.0,0.21220566814360825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087827605074582,0.0,0.0,0.16834601942097047,0.12364953339307665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507407412985513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madethisjustcuz,2018/03/11,"Why is it taboo to say that you genuinely no longer want to live? A while back, around my 18th birthday at the start of September or a month or so after, I determined that I no longer wanted life. The why is irrelevant and too long to explain, but since I know myself and the situation best, I know that nothing within the realm of possibility will actually make me want to accept life again (unless some miracle happens, so I am giving myself a while). Obviously I haven't told anyone because they'd probably freak out and be all ""get help"" or they'd offer help themselves when in reality is I don't want their help because it won't help at all. I would love to just say, ""I'll be gone by (whenever)"" so that I can live the remainder of my life more normally and remove some of the would-be shock and grief or whatever, but I can't because I'm scared they'd try to force me to live, and ""living"" is the last thing I want. In this situation I have to prioritize myself because if I didn't, I would just get even worse. So why is wanting to reject life such a bad thing and huge scene anyways; people die of other things like accidents or disease UNINTENTIONALLY and it's not as big of a deal as a suicide because people who are close would be wondering what they could have done or whatever. In my case, they can't do anything and I want to clear that up so they can be at peace afterwards while still having the ability for myself to move on. Because it's one thing to see ""there's nothing that could have been done"" on a piece of paper and another to actually hear it from somebody who has accepted that and is ready to move on.",10.688953252032519,6.152126411585367,10.575487804878046,67.92520325203253,60.79878048780488,14.104065040650404,40.7479674796748,11.538034831475384,4.3369016260162585,1285,44,264,26,12,431,165,328,0.112,0.691,0.196,0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,7,1,17,11,0,1,15,0,38,5,0,1,4,54,61,32,3,14,13,0,0,1,0,5,4,3,0,0,21,14,0,1,6,0,0,4,9,6,0,1,6,4,32,5,41,41,7,33,0,2,1,1,23,16,0,10,14,194,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.1662804057684932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893367201114435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059571881465041374,0.0,0.07011005785530698,0.07584359414300695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551140800588975,0.07113612515283857,0.3116126297693516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940923260346016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604610505427112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878345991730078,0.0,0.0,0.08842126984646605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437268441299908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627196436430768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902406856522455,0.08172894258775286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753396257248658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602346582777853,0.0,0.22842361925759294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364433479484363,0.06944711044245848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240709281671646,0.04162306122351175,0.0,0.3009228463382377,0.07539686415098143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689382293092452,0.0,0.056869810028905565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800361309172563,0.1811023366335487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347519255260816,0.16349807256426385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773184536735875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118130058575887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604707137660716,0.0,0.0,0.09185701957987358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550450761692645,0.08529728616213618,0.0,0.06789115872722838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047602588314952,0.1915305036547035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030303518355485,0.0,0.068038614864883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319193734935777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640500544947184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140960064251396,0.0,0.057843324069635826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35176071961105804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306317350849257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239275749984982,0.0,0.0,0.08682325205939759,0.2420866601440715,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cruisecontrol34,2018/03/11,"Paranoia-controlled life For the past three years I have been suffering from an extremely strange twist on my reality. I still have not been able to explain well to others what exactly is going on in my head, because even I don't fully understand. I will start from the beginning with my best attempt to summarize the problem.

When I was 19, I was self-medicating with weed and alcohol on a daily basis. There's no doubt in my mind that smoking pot plagued me with a lasting paranoia beyond the initial high or trip. Say what you want about weed, but the fact about it is that it can be very dangerous for some people. It shattered my self-esteem and I still feel like I am in constant danger. At this same point in my life I was very isolated and depressed. The most regretful part about this time is that I was self-loathing and didn't realize how much opportunity around me there was to make positive changes. In other words, I was being a bitch about the life I had. I am a lot better about this now, and have no problem displaying positivity in front of others when I have the chance to do it. I freeze up with nervousness in some social situations, but I kicked the tendency to try to look sad for sympathy. The subject of looking upset in front of others was not a completely new thing, either. Even as a little kid and teenager people would say to me things like, ""what's wrong? you look sad."", or ""you look like you are in physical pain. what is going on?"", or ""you need to smile more."" Also, I have always had red, watery eyes. This led people to believe that I was stoned all the time, even though I had never even seen weed until I started college. I say this to explain that others have seen sadness or seriousness on my face when I am not trying to send off that energy, and to transition into the beginning of the traumatic part.

At the job I had when I was self-loathing I was purposefully looking down, enough to the point where my coworkers thought I was actually crying. I wasn't actually spilling tears because I had to work and didn't want to, but I was figuratively crying about my life at work in front of others. It took me awhile to figure out that people came to this conclusion, but when I did I quit. If I could choose a saying to apply to this, it is definitely, ""you got what you wished for."" I wanted people to see that I was sad, and I got that in a way that was humiliating. I was happy to be at work. I really liked that job. I had perfect attendance and took pride in my position with nerdiness. Realizing that people thought I was crying over having to work made me panic to the point of having to hold back tears. I let the opinion of others take control of me.

The next job I started was bussing tables. I went into this job care-free, ready to forget my previous experience of regret and embarrassment. I had already started to make an effort to act uplifted when I started working here. Even when I felt comfortable and believed that I had picked a good gig because the restaurant speed and environment was enjoyable, people thought I was crying over the work. I swear, I would feel totally calm and ask a customer if I could take a plate, and they would be holding back laughter refusing to make eye contact with me. When I realized this I became so self-conscious about the way my face looked that almost every time a customer would ask me something I would feel like I was about to cry. My face would twitch and my lip would quiver. I never had tears streaming down my face at work, but I would be on the verge of tears from the paranoia and panic. This was an even more humiliating work experience for me, because the public was there to witness and the town began to talk. My reputation was completely stained with pathetic stories. 

This same thing repeated with three jobs after this one. After over three years since the problem first appeared, there have been brighter times from then until now, where the problem has not been fully surfaced in my every day life like it is now. But it always creeps back in and pulls me down. I still can not figure out if I looked so anxious and depressed that the appearance of my watery eyes led people to believe that I was crying. What I do know is that I allowed it to push me over and become a reality. Now it completely controls my life. If I just talk to someone face to face, it makes me want to cry. Imagine just having someone ask you directions to a train station, and becoming so overwhelmed with self-consciousness that you begin to shake and tremble with a face about to weep. When I walk down the street I feel like everyone will look at me and think I am crying. So I always feel like I am about to do so. It's not to the point of tears streaming down my face in public, but it's everything that starts before that when anyone cries. It's a cringed face, quivering lower lip, trembling, etc. I now live in NYC, and just walking down the street is a horror. Everyone on my street recognizes me as the young guy who you can see trying not to cry. The delusional thoughts I have create the reality. 

I can't think of anything more embarrassing for a twenty-two year old male to be going through. I am only still living because of the fear of hurting family and friends I would leave behind. I think about jumping in front of the train a lot. I go to a therapist once a week, have tried multiple anxiety and depression medications (currently tapering off Lamictal, which makes everything a hell of a lot worse), and the only thing that really helps are benzodiazepines. Smoking weed definitely exaggerated panic in me, and I believe this is why I am easily overcome with fear when people look at me. A lot of the thoughts that would float through my brain during stoned contemplation would be self-critical, so I believe that those thoughts created an immense negative view of myself that I wrongly presumed people saw too. It has been over two years since I bought weed, but I have accepted hits every now and then. Now I will completely refuse it because of the state of my brain. To make matters worse I have used cocaine a little bit. It was never an addiction, but just an unhealthy choice I made several times, which obviously did not help with paranoia. Before I started getting high, I was a bright kid and handled conflict well with my first job. I knew how to handle customers yelling at me.  

I would appreciate any stories of overcoming serious paranoia, or advice on treatments that I may not know about. I am trying to find some kind of practical coping method. Thanks for reading a post this long.  

edit - I am new to reddit, so any subs you think I should transfer this to would be appreciated",6.628988793328122,6.84789318842846,6.818735887412043,76.54947886369561,65.12197028928851,9.91750221527235,33.15966640604639,9.692545771848811,3.0421891081574137,5304,206,986,99,75,1708,457,1279,0.182,0.705,0.113,-0.9988,9,0,4,0,1,0,138.0,0,11,1,21,71,64,4,14,72,0,118,28,17,17,9,195,201,77,0,32,32,0,7,8,1,18,11,5,0,4,78,50,1,7,34,1,1,26,20,39,2,7,66,32,145,25,172,105,23,170,1,13,20,0,38,70,2,23,78,736,223,18,0.032118934443069694,0.0,0.06268689360888259,0.035014379475731806,0.0,0.0313862510071899,0.0,0.034325372927937935,0.03216247327426651,0.0,0.0354440428458279,0.025685500269871438,0.08017657935247842,0.0,0.0,0.043683953652960635,0.0,0.02457089693555876,0.03628525362945654,0.0,0.022458305765017582,0.0,0.02643114633607053,0.028592661263873408,0.0900806039004866,0.0,0.0,0.07409243400965014,0.0,0.1174764259159438,0.07094567927170113,0.05466169507949894,0.1809352013825225,0.033706840117219264,0.028406587397373208,0.03506555768074452,0.0,0.0,0.0717107064156932,0.0,0.03673550442110432,0.03274739427947743,0.0,0.033977573822043645,0.0,0.13470436670103372,0.0347091576724534,0.10807234831899896,0.051288711222617786,0.0,0.3528114129674112,0.02071405558262978,0.0,0.08299197351444075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0331874452120653,0.035821102160906435,0.127285519672574,0.0,0.08118476263970907,0.06138203657409968,0.05773285447316509,0.06283696205126747,0.03027887288096363,0.07228546168752689,0.08120149160207446,0.09178309273518218,0.030839213986880193,0.0,0.029356124197406644,0.05464069845861963,0.0,0.0,0.024815009076253888,0.0,0.016780817586372284,0.0,0.07301572250052484,0.026939838338323748,0.05137689198924731,0.0,0.0,0.031802794830318656,0.0,0.03419120296380681,0.0,0.0,0.03296329305140066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04305728943821783,0.06787083538194348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03438398362090889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912385184111552,0.0,0.0,0.0334469276276604,0.0353034527744173,0.026181218428176337,0.0,0.03400931396718749,0.0,0.03284378659242559,0.1361193196012769,0.12553351183070938,0.06438322051758652,0.0567232151187761,0.028424246258193245,0.2427463401464817,0.0,0.0,0.10922547791813136,0.0,0.06078342474675591,0.12863782889017442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035676895470790615,0.03235644736811003,0.0,0.0,0.03243096770851848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02361111246761913,0.023815782911995608,0.07431630693598698,0.062041334061730936,0.034158851161571364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03370341871167572,0.03420561693324807,0.0217646212231809,0.04885579395714356,0.03417681080068165,0.11305394747375193,0.0,0.06956335206906424,0.030661157259096367,0.22267224991824128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145109922313567,0.0,0.03076106070293424,0.0,0.0,0.12293393002068755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034162440377992466,0.03212762628288063,0.0,0.041152423713102106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216906331504512,0.0,0.0,0.05118926459733154,0.0,0.23454937452407484,0.03628525362945654,0.0,0.0531382289584352,0.03610302804461005,0.0,0.032741208831917994,0.0544285378474622,0.024726724923436475,0.0,0.0,0.15913762979837134,0.0,0.10260089014381787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829888290095438,0.0516319657234529,0.0,0.029570799520243145,0.0,0.03729255845505984,0.08535357141772587,0.0823220651415539,0.031556690013578546,0.15299307736803047,0.0936440448369131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137063595022697,0.1090332407230761,0.0,0.06275106377433973,0.033436943490296946,0.0,0.02774044683682144,0.0,0.05300296936493097,0.07577831882967606,0.050989030295140056,0.02576387182597081,0.0,0.05775755878655476,0.029774574014560032,0.028982342554198393,0.0,0.03693518949178034,0.0,0.0,0.1870637344737416,0.0,0.06546387638964893,0.29661280338440205,0.07023402539739375,0.0,0.0827341628828248
suicidewatch,Empressnia,2018/03/11,"I have a theory(just a rant) I've always theorized that this world needs balance. In order for there to be happy people, you need people who will never gain happiness. I'm 36, (37 next month), female and a virgin. I've never been on a date, never went clubbing or hung out with friends as an adult. I have been fat, ugly and depressed probably since middle school but up until college because I was in the same grade as my sister I still had ""friends""(made by her). After that, I've been alone, because I was never supposed to have happiness. Every time I get a taste of it, it goes stripped away and worse things happen.I'm so tired, so tired struggling to live. Why? Why can't I take my own life? Why is it bad to give up? Why? Is it just so the happy people can have their happiness? Without misery happiness, cant exist so some people have to just suffer? Well, I'm tired of suffering, I'm so tired and it's too late for me to change anything. I don't know how much longer I can take this pain. I'm so tired.

",1.2879201773835938,3.568184907317079,2.8372616407982285,91.31753325942353,82.85365853658536,5.483370288248338,19.562084257206205,6.7829847944221076,0.2770487804878048,786,21,162,9,22,257,124,205,0.308,0.627,0.065,-0.9965,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,1,1,13,14,0,1,8,0,20,10,1,1,4,21,32,16,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,11,6,2,0,1,1,0,1,8,6,1,0,7,1,15,8,24,23,4,23,0,3,0,1,8,9,0,2,12,105,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931088683196542,0.0,0.0,0.07175236657501251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096201844304202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101829339006397,0.0,0.0720005542639867,0.10513309053989386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122257466825176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427194518005842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265461929500136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662303289245745,0.0,0.045052933834670295,0.08272209307274789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625513476559094,0.5507767414528631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739113913236552,0.0,0.09727404128454348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060908580765426434,0.0,0.0,0.0761448971268048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882997666850804,0.0,0.06339082600066376,0.12788064541341182,0.2660313493460231,0.0,0.09170926585248222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175748367192793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391310933629532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929732440244514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727191639721431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713324336264801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886540377480796,0.0,0.0,0.0901489554939596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967225014067985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728905617743092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050282877271421486,0.4955579958760928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753339374167137,0.07993841218575932,0.3112457553983405,0.0,0.0,0.0831250743729206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787830736981044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmeaway_irl,2018/03/11,"Got a DUI last night and will probably lose my job. I've been up for 36 hours and have been talking to lawyers all day. I got pulled over for speeding and my friends in the car were visibly drunk which started the whole process. The whole time I was in jail all I could think about was: how could I kill myself in jail because the rest of my life is pretty much fucked now. I got out after I had a low enough BAC and the lawyers I talked to said I'll lose my license. Without a license I can't get to work, and without work I can't live. Why not get it over with before all that hassle happens?",4.914761904761908,4.20824285714286,4.915714285714287,91.87928571428571,68.84126984126985,7.8349206349206355,29.904761904761905,6.18269132825596,1.1310285714285713,464,15,110,2,7,144,80,126,0.149,0.8009999999999999,0.049,-0.9136,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,3,6,2,0,8,0,13,3,0,1,3,17,23,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,10,1,14,1,18,10,8,19,0,3,0,1,4,8,1,0,9,72,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915506575811316,0.0,0.12779536209098066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398191059513065,0.0,0.0,0.09685613406993293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551800240216533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603164027674738,0.13884251377253126,0.15692968588070358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603471410094029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280704858721082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790080217752094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903425924712632,0.0,0.16615613592621498,0.0,0.0,0.12241985120094526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607926757926513,0.0,0.0,0.13261505711679492,0.0,0.0,0.3360345392451633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040238187936978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093733343388942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279092842790498,0.16192355012449028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285919655579812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630087482549566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414241177666109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623172230152703,0.0,0.0,0.08757338827632301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551753034997802,0.3353497245035106,0.0,0.2895436700753545,0.0,0.21867120701612536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,levian_durai,2018/03/12,"Is it possible to have a pharmacist call you when somebody fills a prescription? My sister is living with me, and has always been suicidal. Pills seem to be her method of choice. She's recently been cut down to a couple days at a time per prescription since her last attempt, instead of 3 months. However it seems she got multiple prescriptions filled last time she went.

I'd like to take control of her prescriptions by locking them away and personally handing her her daily meds. My only problem is I can't be sure she'll be honest with me when she's gone and filled a prescription. Is there anything I can do about that?",4.9710270774976655,6.666758857142861,5.333053221288517,80.3774696545285,69.67226890756302,9.322502334267039,30.028944911297852,9.725611199111238,2.938780765639589,500,20,92,12,9,159,80,119,0.099,0.852,0.049,-0.7024,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,2,5,5,1,0,5,0,15,2,1,1,1,10,21,5,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,5,1,18,3,14,12,0,17,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,10,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397156521736314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216542799218414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514645596420906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122257404164784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102205224641508,0.0,0.2180456140072667,0.0,0.1270888385354247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760867070253495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212640449096218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962746536536304,0.0,0.17400956318485175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188917177442901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729319529009395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987470910684694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720671418970533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215805996520624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885619443353455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945751825507641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587961138314509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301191655148656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155540997679476,0.0,0.1857288236391202,0.0,0.14816627545375852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298171470402437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826786654261293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway56785d,2018/03/12,"I’m on the verge. I’m 20, female and I don’t care for anything. The reason being how spiteful and aggressive I have become  towards anyone. I used to be a shy, well educated kid with friends well basically a normal life then I just started getting disappointed over and over to where I am now. I hate being touched, hate being around people and I will lash at anyone that tries to annoy me. 
This sadness that was dwelling inside me has turned into anger and I can’t stand it. My parents constantly compare me to my sis how she’s always studying and having good grades and I have nothing to brag about. Very mediocre grades, no hobbies, I’ve been called beautiful several times but that’s it. That’s all I have, looks.. what a mess. At this point I’m not even mad about it anymore I just laugh to myself and ignore it but I’m absolutely sick of everything.
I don’t care about anything, friendships, relationships, school, etc. My dog died, he was my only friend that didn’t mock me or insult me and now I have nothing again. I don’t care if I hurt or destroy my family. I want to be selfish. I wasn’t meant to be born cause clearly the world needs capable, functioning, contributing human beings and I am not one of them therefore I’m not needed. I hate everything so much if I had a rope in front of me right now I’ll happily end myself ASAP. fuck this",1.40197222222222,3.9288554703703733,3.0406249999999986,88.29093750000001,85.03703703703705,5.74537037037037,22.511574074074076,7.1686216300943375,0.9644907407407411,1067,38,210,16,32,351,156,270,0.217,0.62,0.163,-0.9557,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,1,17,28,12,1,7,0,26,3,0,6,2,38,47,20,1,6,11,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,13,13,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,19,2,1,7,2,35,9,25,32,3,26,0,3,1,1,12,14,1,4,10,144,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011002846293026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049839299325805,0.16991553818877142,0.0,0.19997334178409626,0.10816348921715922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341905907968836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240682156231396,0.0,0.371641421763741,0.12481711872416015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130164999312513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610100003399674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761565278492974,0.0,0.13550803688999052,0.08025162941606671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839824298460805,0.0,0.1145422774796366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774593535540576,0.11232762698668626,0.06348033732529902,0.0,0.0,0.10191100739898563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598773695547885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007154553753272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582120905118598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203197442334792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931873410549712,0.18018596831030867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904720750100192,0.23317093827971816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233362229781371,0.09240855711385043,0.0,0.0,0.13491477628775692,0.0,0.0,0.08423492755962342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148596709834048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492538853765515,0.0,0.1304488220304253,0.0,0.10376295480030456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296758990769956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726388052764038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600049575102861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084941510335288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249260639591638,0.13216044572903185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049396379939221,0.0,0.10025275458749816,0.07166565658216872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849169720036926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Subsanic,2018/03/12,"Would these be considered serious suicidal thoughts? I’ve had some thoughts in the past couple months of just disappearing from this world, but it wasn’t through death, just to fade away; those thoughts would just come and go within seconds and I’d continue doing what ever I was doing. This year gave me a new thought that for some reason I’m not going to grow old because I will be dead sometime within the next ten years. 

The past two days have been better, but I’m still new to depression. Within the past two days I’ve had three troubling thoughts invade my mind. The first one was last night when I was boiling water; I put in my pasta and for some reason the thought of pouring that water all over my legs on purpose would not leave me. I was really close to doing it by gripping the pot, ready to lift it to pour. Then I was suddenly lifted out of this crazy and scary desire and let go. 

That night when I was laying down trying to sleep I couldn’t help but imagine having my legs go numb while my life leaves me. I could almost physically feel it. I’d call for my roommate to call 911 in my brain but I imagined that the ambulance couldn’t get to me because I always lock my door in my room, so I just die as though I wanted it to happen. It was such an intense intrusive thought it has made me consider keeping my door unlocked. 

Lastly, just about 20 minutes ago I was going to the bathroom and immediately I looked at the bathtub and the thought of slitting my wrists for my roommate to find me entered my brain. I then thought about how the sharp knifes are right there in the kitchen and I could go get one, for them to cut my skin as I lay in the bathtub. I even thought about whether to have the water running or to just do it to make it clean, I thought how it would stain the bathtub red. It was quite surprising to suddenly think that because it was forced into my brain. 

These thoughts almost make me go into this state of defense as though I’m being threatened, but my heart doesn’t quicken, its more as though I feel like it’s gonna happen. I haven’t had these kind of thoughts before, and I have not been around violent/depressing things (such as video games, movies, true crime) on purpose. In fact, for the past week I have been on a Full House binge, which is quite wholesome. I’ve only been depressed since about November, and have not had these thoughts.

What do you think? Should I tell my dad and sister about this? I seriously don’t want them to worry about me, I already take too much space in their thoughts and borrow too much money cause I have none since I have to pay rent with 18 credit hours and two jobs. They are about three and a half hours away because I am in college, but I call them frequently. They tell me to get a counselor, but my school ran out of room and told me to find another through them. That’s too much effort. I can deal with the laying down doing nothing, feeling nothing for days on end (and they know about that) and I’ve gotten my ptsd in control this past month or two (they know about that too). I just don’t want them to make a big deal out of it. Should I tell them anyway?
",5.831611906023671,5.632597103338636,5.481718335983043,86.88129857798978,66.83783783783784,8.324341989047872,29.87285815226992,7.492282038375204,1.5766099275746337,2474,78,524,21,36,760,271,629,0.104,0.836,0.06,-0.9879,2,0,0,0,0,1,58.0,0,1,11,6,36,14,2,0,24,0,58,17,9,10,4,110,111,43,4,14,21,2,6,1,0,8,2,0,7,0,38,27,6,3,28,2,5,14,12,8,0,12,39,8,75,6,86,56,10,90,0,2,2,0,26,37,0,7,39,363,113,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456783566546373,0.0,0.10319997592733184,0.0,0.05686478675418623,0.0,0.04287720137147051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403384087656362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587274630541272,0.0,0.0,0.09682851859184256,0.0,0.0,0.12564917114396335,0.0,0.04384835059361656,0.0,0.0,0.045574217980495456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257402235650068,0.15785409164507544,0.0,0.0,0.05293564458068208,0.0,0.044388649608255774,0.0,0.0,0.057795429525494976,0.08228524153571552,0.05701711566613446,0.0,0.0996980247409265,0.10625061563152484,0.13314849258972872,0.0,0.05348014589104709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564040578224348,0.0,0.0,0.034035169015379806,0.0466119584140199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816555561946566,0.03681313964893952,0.0,0.0,0.09419522201099197,0.04383150758879832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076710812256684,0.0,0.20500034769091952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113585864891856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061063459590277015,0.03453956413448102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014936085448874,0.05945885868938049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113570901951493,0.04580235278531476,0.0,0.05366070725629669,0.05663923053123236,0.08400787739473475,0.0,0.10912594789552488,0.0,0.05269305561168856,0.03639725917610557,0.025175021694786942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043272336272044735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048759060887156334,0.10319029829891856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203074804413516,0.0,0.08226172629230026,0.0,0.11364173788021853,0.0,0.0,0.09953625343224172,0.054802884521943984,0.09671508428825484,0.0,0.09888911105692863,0.0,0.054072209715548415,0.0,0.06983630789665969,0.03919099067174338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459567291404957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023597174081921,0.0518020196725212,0.0,0.10961728579028672,0.0,0.0,0.033011524800406936,0.10596312483942774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440064548204244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052151248969962566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525252244390125,0.0,0.051567350720165536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096462239520096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115203339102619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563656054020374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874424947197399,0.0,0.13511883115332354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423433282208454,0.06603686125480622,0.1518842917634037,0.6136375834186075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923925348339178,0.0,0.034985580001720334,0.0,0.20134982206445415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118142841909513,0.0,0.0413343670675104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233135471657596,0.0,0.14642212134322485,0.0,0.0,0.06636743655459898
suicidewatch,Dogholocaust99,2018/03/12,"Staying alive for my parents... Hello fellow suicidal peers, ill start of by saying that i have been suicidal for 6 years. I actually attempted hanging myself feb 21st 2016 but unfortunately failed. During that time i had very severe acne which contributed to my current depression. I was taking Accutane (a strong anti acne pill) and it is known for causing depression as a side effect. 

I believe those pills made my depression so unbearable for my fragile 18 year old mind and pushed me enough to attempt hanging. I used my belt and wedged it on the side of my closet door and you can picture the rest. Suprisingly my skinny body was heavy enough to make the buckle fly out of the door. 

I am currently working making a below average salary but a little above minumum wage. I have been recently extremely depressed seeing no way out of my personal hell. I want to die so bad i have planned my suicide on my birthday in september but the only thing making me reconsider are my parents. They love me regardless of how much of a p.o.s i am. I would hate to hurt them..thanks for your time if you read this, i will update soon. 

",5.55944707740916,7.008568483412329,6.225857819905214,75.48055608214851,67.95734597156398,9.418135860979463,31.60221169036335,9.725611199111238,3.1987950078988936,894,37,154,20,15,292,139,211,0.301,0.648,0.051,-0.9972,6,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,3,1,7,5,11,2,0,10,0,15,6,2,8,0,23,26,12,4,4,4,2,1,0,1,2,3,1,3,1,8,6,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,9,0,0,6,3,32,2,24,18,4,25,1,6,1,1,11,9,1,1,11,106,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.12063158573874964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321436901524626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927313351919504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730973819596812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698789577613018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258818302530232,0.0,0.12829410591484322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554571721181623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204541162393576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233370580091086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238959141038622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156845270857088,0.11696864355062153,0.2475443332992472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248171295942608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087213527585833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297144142880415,0.0,0.0,0.09401569543941714,0.0,0.0,0.2745223367597788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793690345841876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364965884915555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205609079594812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830456903825754,0.0,0.0,0.09850611197460184,0.0,0.0,0.1396511274450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749618724385139,0.13175842852060646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056481987241824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294400309743096,0.0,0.0,0.11380919462833702,0.0,0.0,0.0821251148033193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416320826676565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676471263374514,0.0,0.10199631653861374,0.07291204140752859,0.0981207908970676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999407062891347,0.0,0.0,0.0878134064095198,0.0,0.0,0.15920956820085538
suicidewatch,Lievrehare,2018/03/12,"Which are the only psychological help for depression and loneliness? I need help, I am really lonely with a traumatized mind",6.6971428571428575,9.940636095238098,8.171666666666667,55.17750000000001,69.0,13.723809523809528,29.54761904761905,12.161744961471696,5.778219047619048,102,4,14,5,2,35,19,21,0.413,0.405,0.182,-0.7818,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38149832539779305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5937785229552344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472369802006296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32842987993469425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687119593655834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837548030450884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thatkidkolby96,2018/03/12,"This week is my last I've had it . I really can't  cope anymore . I literally broke down while grocery shopping and had to go to the bathroom.  My life is a joke and besides my brother and a few friends  no one would care . I
Grew up in a very abusive home and I guess I just .. Never felt
Loved or cared about Idk. According to every adult for the most part I'm just a "" kid with a attitude problem "" which is fine .. I'd rather that then  people know how much I'm breaking down. This life just isn't for me, I'll be
Glad to finally be at peace ",0.7532727272727264,2.53657194782609,2.6472727272727283,94.70363636363636,81.69565217391305,5.920948616600791,22.62845849802372,6.980632752743323,0.5066521739130434,414,14,98,5,11,138,80,115,0.136,0.705,0.159,0.4331,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,7,0,10,3,0,1,1,18,19,8,0,3,5,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,2,2,1,2,4,2,0,1,3,1,9,7,13,13,4,14,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,3,6,63,14,0,0.0,0.24870417299807615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081702540600051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280261186670381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685477787442627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154258615041784,0.2299416584756987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217278127458032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929436292262105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123501902438795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055273709216207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535879570766908,0.17110132809573075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965254962847808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944827426247324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543049920350365,0.0,0.1618923739906713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223767343001284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273076396054661,0.0,0.14552232469850485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008516023831249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447109749659714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319435449950366,0.0,0.0,0.1683738554187236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491111322019322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway662672,2018/03/12,"Done Life is too hard. Living is just too hard to keep going.  And after 32 years of pain and suffering, I feel like it’s time to just end it.
 
I really wish someone could convince me that life is worth living, but its not really possible to convince me, because life is just not.  

Let’s call it like it is. Let’s call a spade a spade. I’m an ugly, worthless, fat ass piece of shit loser.

I’m not worth dating. My ex wouldn’t even put in the effort to hang out with me and started dating someone before we even broke up. I continue to let myself be manipulated by him, and waiting for him to pay me back the $3k he owes me, making me keep in contact with him while I see him dating other people. Killing myself will end that debt and end me having to see my money go to him spending it on dates. 

Before that my only relationship of 10 years really consisted of someone who was sexually aggressive, would constantly pressure me to have sex, and while we broke up, he still manipulated me so I wouldn’t date other people.  Now he’s happy and successful and I’m shit. 

I’m just so fucking ugly and fat that no one else would want to date me, or people go on one fucking date with me and ghost me, because I’m so much of a loser. Every gay dating app there is, reminds me that no one wants me. I’m a fucking piece of ugly shit.

The thing is I don’t want to do anything. I’m a lazy piece of shit and don’t really care to lose weight. I’d rather just end it. It’s too much work to go to the gym and try to lose weight.  It’s too much work to change my eating habits. I’d rather just die already.   

I’m in so much debt and bad with credit cards. I have no desire to learn how to pay them back. So much so I know I will never be able to get a house or other big loans.

I hate my job right now, and have never really enjoyed any work that I do.  My coworkers don’t do fucking shit, and are fucking lazy as well, and I’m having to take on their work because I’m more efficient than they are. I don’t want to work. I just wanna lie in bed til I die to be honest. 

I’m honestly just tired of hearing that things will get better, because that’s a fucking lie. 32 years of living on this earth have proved to me that things don’t get better. Yes, there may be moments of happiness, but those are few and far between for me.  And honestly, they are not worth the pain I have to deal with every. Single. Fucking. Day.  Pain of having to be alive, while just constantly thinking about killing myself.  I have physical pain and stress on my body. 

Now really is the best time. My family is in another state, and have two other great sons. I have a couple friends, but they are happily coupled and deservedly so, they plan on moving on, and we are drifting apart. So really the fewest people in my life would be affected. While I’m sorry to those that are, I feel like this is what is best for me. 

I’ve tried to be happy, and it just doesn’t work. I am taking medications, talking to therapists. It hasn’t helped. Or maybe at one point in my life it did, but now I see the truth that my life is fucking shit. 

I am hoping to kill myself this weekend, or at the very least take some steps to put this plan in motion
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suicidewatch,Chumlee_chum,2018/03/12,Can somebody please help me Tbh I don’t know the rules for postin on this but i dont care rn. I’ve  taken so many sleeping pills over the past two days I’m surprised I’m not dead I wish I could just go somewhere far away and sleep forever. The worlds a lot better without me anyways I’m nothing but an addict who’s been using for years and can’t stop I’ve been kicked outta 6 schools 5 treatments nothing helps me. If anything I guess this my cry for help since no one I know cares anymore will someone please help me I’m so scared of dying but it’s one thing I want so badly,-0.4960894117647072,1.7190999840000032,1.0600470588235318,100.55896470588236,93.16,3.2611764705882362,18.552941176470586,4.514644488427479,-0.784948235294118,458,14,105,1,17,146,86,125,0.203,0.5920000000000001,0.206,-0.3799,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,0,8,4,2,1,0,18,22,9,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,3,3,0,12,4,8,17,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,4,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370437110784246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982825240107088,0.0,0.0,0.1160261237261343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246859008810402,0.0,0.11772417697065506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469781605752582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875057458400061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257230916898103,0.0,0.15487538880250812,0.09092952478645804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463296067505871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524402502182509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013019133829269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553208874635302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780214696819956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497333061087518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986813449025885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294587875613804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705752666111917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108249054238044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459481403103085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095383451966069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115968208407867,0.14269354778637774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663176937780248,0.0,0.2821918312423544,0.0,0.1194638360785734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178773736866534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367020930402824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377307400302204,0.0,0.0,0.1217736255545926,0.0,0.0,0.08316196812367972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621362468101953,0.13591327269922496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079557217237112
suicidewatch,riots_rage_and_love,2018/03/12,Are people allowed to post here during a suicide attempt? No specifics about the method just venting and such. ,5.630526315789473,8.936671263157898,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,73.21052631578947,3.8,35.8157894736842,3.1291,1.8891894736842103,90,5,13,0,2,25,19,19,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.7717,1,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304187303355044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5946020079462853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6791083630192003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KFCiscutting,2018/03/12,"I lied to my family and now that the truth is close to come up I am considering suicide So, basically I fed my family with a lot of bullshit about my graduation. Everytime I told myself it was just to keep them fine while I can focus to studying and really finish my studies, but I never followed through.
Now they are expecting a graduation I can't deliver. I've told a close family member about some mistake I did that will postpone the graduation, but he just want to fix it by coming with me to university, where I am afraid all my castle of lies will crumble down. I really want to avoid this but I dont think I can. I think it would be better to die rather to let them live the pain of all of this, i think i would prefer to be remembered as a dead weird guy rather than be alive and shunned by the family I love but I betray every single day not putting in the work I should. I suppose it would be a stupid reason to kill myself but i really cant think another way out. I also realize my life could have been so easy but i fucked it all up. ",4.161566820276498,4.563323198156684,5.952695852534562,79.99190092165901,70.47465437788019,9.70230414746544,26.559907834101377,9.784248007369934,2.2232820276497702,822,24,174,19,14,285,121,217,0.244,0.6579999999999999,0.097,-0.9915,1,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,3,2,12,12,3,2,10,0,25,5,0,1,5,47,40,14,4,12,11,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,9,10,1,2,8,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,6,0,34,4,29,22,6,19,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,2,6,135,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418606291953966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661150491144927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522339338602032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445194069485466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401917109571844,0.0,0.0,0.08402078509571151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521162098674114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268893956407048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976777688603892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912711875515454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044314099308638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899916094277322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580017709236913,0.14413716924640416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332216534808225,0.0920216714199285,0.0,0.0,0.11504094522728504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076066647749376,0.11758413400317493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048111903641624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862869412925954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309688845011397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503849814808146,0.1339510732033918,0.0,0.0,0.14758353476195835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250680785043152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339164808312027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489790993925089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368680015133465,0.10341138507563057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948464785826364,0.0,0.0,0.27764470410386044,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karma3192,2018/03/12,"Is there an insurance policy that will cover suicide I’m at the point where I’m just over everything. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t get happy when I eat at my favorite place, read my favorite book, or hang out with my friends and family. I just went to the beach this past weekend to just clear my head and have a good time, and that didn’t even work. Now I came home, found out I lost my job. I don’t even feel sad anymore. I attempted suicide my senior year of high school, 3 years ago. After that I stopped going to school, my mom told me that I was gonna give her a heart attack because she was so worried about my attendance. The week of my graduation she ended up in the hospital getting a quadruple bypass because of me and has to take a ton of medicen. I’ve never forgiven myself. How could anyone? I didn’t even get to graduate because of half of a credit and I’m very smart. Had a 29 on my act score and got accepted into my top choice college. Everything has just gotten worse. I try to keep my head above water just to keep her and my little sister happy, but it’s almost impossible. Is there any type of life insurance policy that will cover my own suicide so I can make sure everything’s taken care of so I don’t have to worry about the financial part of it all? I know it will devestate my family, but I just can’t do this anymore. ",3.853242481203008,4.555920982142858,5.328796992481202,83.10567669172936,71.32142857142857,8.609022556390977,27.23684210526316,8.841846274778883,1.9423214285714288,1065,35,221,19,19,360,154,280,0.103,0.792,0.106,-0.4297,1,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,4,20,12,1,0,12,0,22,6,3,2,4,37,47,15,3,1,9,2,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,10,12,2,3,5,4,1,6,8,3,0,1,13,2,38,9,30,29,4,35,0,2,0,0,9,15,0,2,14,146,48,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886458230991055,0.0,0.1003847711128651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817267520694846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982598500249488,0.07009634690028183,0.0,0.08249628542466605,0.0,0.0,0.11404757193670365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333235796522268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146580106443105,0.10221041308779948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004057232867985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257963008578036,0.0,0.0,0.08879075109813839,0.0,0.0,0.1986403167653286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270291684312944,0.0,0.1890114418621552,0.0,0.10137769044048596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991772113607644,0.07745203501736067,0.0,0.15712770452661715,0.09616785924054183,0.056973748010233034,0.08408400319057527,0.08017818621799701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134335910255669,0.0,0.0,0.20576854272825615,0.0,0.0,0.11879540395718635,0.0,0.10591844440810846,0.10055779914541936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948154346920876,0.1782116191198378,0.0,0.0,0.05509416200726785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080874774819246,0.0,0.10047571279815452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943349336730313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691690498777705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741027513942875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731811541259252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855976646677708,0.09569889813084176,0.0,0.0,0.10473874137132927,0.0,0.09476759368716793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027600748562744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291443458421304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381255145364988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289680067894113,0.0,0.09448338179244213,0.0,0.07537468066702893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058455927359030414,0.0,0.0,0.09579209968380513,0.0,0.06806240813847693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271582385204701,0.0,0.0,0.08041360358628254,0.0,0.0,0.09293171491963982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298237766313613,0.20361520506356387,0.10216217191222324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291139822081403
suicidewatch,ThiisLifeofMiine,2018/03/12,I just want someone here until it's time to go I've made the decision to end it and I'll obviously need to be alone when I do it. But I really want to feel like it's ok before I go. Unfortunately I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow night before I do it because my means of ending my life is in my office and I took off work today. So I guess I'm just kind of a desperate loser right now. I don't ever reach out to people but I just wanted someone to be with me or something until I go. I don't even know what I'm saying. ,0.6232499999999987,1.7740814916666707,4.135000000000002,86.79,79.91666666666666,6.8000000000000025,19.5,7.554174236665415,0.4556499999999994,409,9,96,6,10,153,72,120,0.079,0.866,0.054000000000000006,-0.3784,0,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,2,1,8,1,0,1,2,23,26,10,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,2,2,15,3,17,22,0,21,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,13,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929569391058053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552974609231824,0.0,0.29461748215813016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30665831791167697,0.0,0.0,0.11434131118260793,0.15659309461456933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753251785731862,0.12367391665680035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935426497435752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070650085828095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027339966781056,0.095139881344333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227676424255528,0.08457560437945183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380629552186915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857378753004927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836312498088534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624573914067883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200166542987483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090237360390516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783989297634376,0.0,0.13766858192265696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29336080329828657,0.13327295153149715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094517804041464,0.0,0.16409347619220313,0.0,0.19233795286716845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30632443976497475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603031787981636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saavudanee,2018/03/12,i Want to die I want to die really bad. Im couldn't do it alone. If anyone interested to help me.  Email.  Saavudanee@protonmail.com. but only of you you really interested and you are above 18..I hate me .my life and everything. It's a waste to.live..I don't hav anything to live for,-0.577511961722486,1.2866870701754394,2.3712599681020734,87.29124401913877,108.12280701754385,6.283253588516747,15.708133971291867,7.348242739294969,0.6398210526315786,221,6,48,6,11,77,39,57,0.251,0.578,0.171,-0.8453,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,4,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449869617373251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539619764542882,0.0,0.19465453668394966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975033241549252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909880790710976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258938027177846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353700384510315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854962588257238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555067716801043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707714674840302,0.0,0.0,0.4177431813882833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990142796182867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030706980863541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790380968522184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SendMeSomeTrees,2018/03/12,"I've started to seriously consider suicide The last 24 hours have very much messed me up, and while suicide has always been something I thought about, I never genuinely believed I would do it, not since one dodgy time when I was younger.

Right now, I do not trust myself. This is the first time in about 7 years that I have seriously considered committing suicide. My life isn't even bad compared to anyone else's but there is a weight in my head I can't get rid of and I'm being dragged down. 

It would destroy my little sister, my Mam, my Dad and my girlfriend, who is going through a very hard time right now. I know it would destroy them, that's what always held me back. But I don't know if even that could stop me right now. I could do it tonight, I really could.

I probably don't even deserve to be posting here, I feel like an imposter or like there's other people way way worse who deserve the help, not me. But apparently I am not very strong, not strong enough to stop myself from feeling this way, or too weak to deal with it anyway.

I don't know what to do, I don't know who to talk to. Maybe I just need someone to say that I'm ok, I'm not a parasite. Maybe I don't need anything at all. I don't want to ruin my little sisters life, I don't want to be a tragedy that everyone talks about sadly. But I really don't know how much longer I can ignore how I'm feeling. 
",2.4443070652173917,3.82451574652778,3.6747282608695686,91.0191847826087,75.5625,6.67536231884058,24.674516908212556,7.255503002510835,0.8761000603864737,1077,35,240,12,23,351,142,288,0.215,0.7020000000000001,0.083,-0.9904,1,0,1,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,1,3,19,16,2,0,8,1,33,5,1,2,3,46,54,14,3,11,14,3,5,2,1,3,3,1,0,1,18,4,1,4,9,0,0,1,17,10,0,2,4,6,36,6,23,41,4,33,0,2,0,0,14,10,0,3,20,158,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605888647161448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747395290581333,0.09887405537551802,0.07940999386982422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420134381985075,0.08057216660651159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872069678652913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113845642523675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948565434480026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061206415964949,0.0,0.0,0.09970868411593208,0.0,0.1912089284436838,0.0,0.0,0.09220839471148043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637753206053247,0.06893850477370074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208152371583767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041645204188186,0.0,0.05484228722473816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644364796005881,0.0,0.09903523917798043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468087019127843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503152520941516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651650946911682,0.0786591080254713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631940385361066,0.09428852685940818,0.19343357573726705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389130638116595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187491321589893,0.14310474097490836,0.07442554582105522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538984030190151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689986796696884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924188308289793,0.0,0.10404163945766792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363874321735838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472274213480892,0.0,0.07673943260324363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982450670488002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176281501101622,0.07428921355224267,0.0,0.0,0.06830209246354814,0.0,0.0,0.16135403340618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166608928879684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512358145401278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660898233120321,0.16880704904493413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388639572515069,0.11383456012874504,0.2297879099726923,0.0,0.11750910301458754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834015439017467,0.20564916917143625,0.0,0.0,0.06214183149506649
suicidewatch,heyheyheyhohey,2018/03/12,"Bitter, full of regret, stuck on the past. Wanting to die. Hello, I'm a male in my early twenties from Northern Europe. I've been severely depressed for a few years (last two years of my country's equivalent of high school, which made me extent it for another year). This led me to almost completely disappear from the society, rotting away inside my room indulging myself in escapist media such as video games, anime, pornography. Now I'm currently in a better place. Well, sort of. I started working out, watching what I eat, keep a consistent sleep schedule, quit watching porn, got a job that I enjoyed, currently studying for entrance exams to an university. Despite all of this, I'm feeling terrible all the time, worse than I did during my *hikikomori* days. Antidepressants don't work.

Recent addition to these feelings is a resentment towards anyone better off than me, especially people younger than me living their teens to their fullest, having relationships (this especially is hurtful for me, since I've never had a girlfriend or anything close to that), travelling and making awesome memories together. Meanwhile, I spent my teen years staring this same screen I'm staring at right now as I'm writing this. These feelings have gotten to the point that I can no longer watch TV series, anime etc. about young couples/young people experiencing love and so on. I get this physical feel of resentment, jealousy, bitterness, and especially self-hatred any time this happens.

Now, I do have some things to look towards in the future, one of which being a big change. However, my daily life right now is suffering. I'm seeing a therapist, but she doesn't really take me seriously since I've always been good at wearing this mask of an easygoing, relaxed, happy young guy in the public. But it's not who I'm NOT in the inside. To the slightest.

Anyway, I'm sure some of my thoughts of how my teens should have been are influenced by media, especially Anime since it's often set in a High School setting or the characters are of High School age and it's seen as your prime years there. I know all of this. Yet, I know that some of those things DO happen in real life, however rare, such as young love and I'm just very resentful, jealous, bitter and angry at myself for not doing anything about it.

I know that many of you have much more important things to care about than how your teenage years were. But for me, the pain I feel is very real. I'm seriously close to ending it all since I can't even escape this suffering anymore.",7.566153846153848,7.871081598290597,7.5084615384615425,72.10320512820516,63.14529914529914,10.35213675213675,35.282051282051285,10.082433333333334,3.63627435897436,2020,84,339,40,27,648,247,468,0.129,0.778,0.093,-0.8963,5,0,0,0,0,0,72.0,0,3,2,5,19,27,7,0,22,0,26,9,2,6,6,54,64,18,1,3,9,0,5,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,31,10,1,1,9,5,1,3,8,16,1,2,13,18,36,11,63,49,14,64,0,5,9,3,17,30,0,8,29,225,67,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623731412180506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165921600483832,0.0,0.0,0.0585649430802155,0.0903049301515534,0.0,0.0,0.0854084674776186,0.06021750729136161,0.0,0.14173978784192828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091311358089441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233329723282293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878056641685403,0.0,0.09110414742677224,0.0,0.09029578264795922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554064523529752,0.0,0.07417552363507378,0.0,0.08937955845520186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812284656464488,0.0,0.0,0.07627726605016738,0.0,0.09604720423385436,0.056881826477067875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177257476044311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044994445081266855,0.0,0.0,0.07223385096542004,0.06887848977435045,0.0,0.0,0.08527290747654902,0.15231227719667964,0.09167695173963404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729733422845167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219385496226093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546138043021037,0.07654792259731187,0.0,0.0,0.14198884460143402,0.07019976164235849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165901569406383,0.0,0.0,0.07604604407258811,0.0,0.0723195915957261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545435964519105,0.08148936881479045,0.0574861514502208,0.08731274422127959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330853057449685,0.0,0.06642149533463647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835752932182923,0.0,0.09163836199929497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221183201126371,0.11941032394279627,0.0,0.08997766932403008,0.0,0.08141177844774226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915998305516372,0.0,0.19604813333692706,0.055171044533131305,0.0,0.08503367652252915,0.092461266056076,0.0,0.1470929981769843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614758539731028,0.06862694689397995,0.0,0.08984254020614088,0.09729173464207637,0.0,0.284959312891616,0.0,0.08618276860094576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095658507928625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116762118991414,0.0,0.0647519533237276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999262340523828,0.17164404662695087,0.0,0.0,0.06837011548074817,0.10043519777067199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412728635696894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211698458430214,0.050796145470610614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743273810926063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539360618386622,0.0,0.08776422173294322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33275295399185034
suicidewatch,2helpful,2018/03/12,"Transfer college student I transferred colleges this spring as a sophomore, and I feel so alone and worthless. I have no friends besides lab partners. I'm homesick. The only way I can control the panic I feel daily from exams is to listen to music. I have no real hobbies, I just play Clash Royale when I'm not studying.

I know how to talk to people, and I'm comfortable with walking up to new people in my classes, but it's always a one time thing and we never talk again. The few people I get the Snapchat account from I never actually snap because I hate how I look.

I know I don't want to kill myself, but I can't deal with the crushing loneliness/panic/stress I feel every day. I honestly don't know what I expect to get out of posting here, but I've been having an especially rough time this past week and I decided I should at least do something about it.",2.8310344827586214,4.694880954022988,4.260436781609196,85.17824137931036,75.66666666666667,6.019310344827588,27.691954022988504,6.742157984588678,1.3757843678160921,682,28,130,6,15,226,110,174,0.124,0.784,0.092,-0.2995,0,1,1,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,1,8,9,2,1,8,0,11,0,0,3,2,30,26,13,1,3,5,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,6,9,0,1,7,1,1,1,8,5,0,1,1,6,23,4,18,24,2,18,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,0,11,89,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.15172896707590733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103348379885304,0.0,0.0,0.12937430105386813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478098601815653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743873914295206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027366412873276,0.1602961328420336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100112286608634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358506106110816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012577042374782,0.0,0.16246688725432107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350726038002627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201888890964362,0.0,0.2563481510391703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056655008012558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23983613031131,0.1501664381701612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535929623807924,0.11825181829938955,0.0,0.3648515702196829,0.0,0.0,0.1484261048027253,0.3233769791244752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890972252465046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697367929386754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969839996255592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810523681974252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499426714680305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329598805974463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132676070458806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170789443254786,0.12341515831289332,0.12471907395573058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon4276,2018/03/12,"After years of mental illness, my desire to die has never been more intense. I'll spare you the details of my life story, it's meaningless. Just like this post, all of my trials, my feelings, and incalculable hours of gut-wrenching anguish, those are meaningless as well. I suffered abuse as a child, and it broke me. I've lived my entire life as a parasitic phantom. To the world, I only exist on paper. 

It's not that I haven't tried. Therapy, medication, church, and so on. My anxiety will never let me interact with anyone for a reasonable length of time, and certainly not at the depth necessary to build relationships. I can't hold a job, and I'll always be alone. 

Most people can't imagine what it's like living to 36 without human touch, or someone expressing their love to them. Of course they all think that they can, and are quick to offer useless platitudes. But intimate relationships are a fundamental part of the human experience. To be completely deprived of them is akin to being born without one of your senses. Can you imagine never having sight? While the people around you speak of all the wonderful sights they see that make life worth living? It must be difficult to live that way. I can't say for sure if I would give a lifetime of sight in return for what I lack. I've already seen so many things that were beautiful, inspiring, perplexing, bizarre, terrifying, or resplendent, that I can't imagine never having seen anything. No more than you can turn back the clock and live your life again in the absence of love.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter. I know why I'm alone, and I have no desire to drag anyone down into this hell with me. I can't have fun, I don't know how. I wake up every morning wishing for death, and spend my days seeking minor distractions from my misery. I'm weak-willed and pathetic. It's not as though I'm the only one who has suffered adversity. Yet here I am after all this time still living like a hermit, and to make matters worse I'm whining at strangers on the internet. My motivations are unclear even to myself. Looking for undeserved sympathy perhaps? Disgusting.

I'm only living out of obligation. Because at this time my death would cause enough damage that taking my own life would be morally repugnant. And I have plenty of undesirable qualities without adding selfish, amoral, asshole to the list. I should have died 20 years ago, it would have saved everyone a lot of trouble.",4.986755500464831,6.709469299349244,5.64707406259684,78.03563123644254,69.67245119305858,8.652519367833904,29.65732878834831,9.159459690764724,2.6694754384877597,1941,76,343,39,35,629,245,461,0.218,0.675,0.107,-0.9953,1,2,0,0,1,0,65.0,0,6,6,1,14,29,3,2,19,0,41,10,1,6,11,70,65,25,4,11,12,0,2,3,0,7,7,2,0,3,23,17,0,1,11,0,2,0,21,17,1,2,4,12,44,12,59,48,12,40,3,7,7,2,26,15,1,7,26,240,67,3,0.0,0.09499545963767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107119402396092,0.0,0.0,0.16607633004929834,0.0884762191226431,0.0,0.06671286186839773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133442707894338,0.0,0.0,0.11212185870737404,0.0,0.06597802358677853,0.07137364589829094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165040159481895,0.0,0.04887455063696948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236284626485464,0.0,0.0,0.08406301953799554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170689271026787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642007740295858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284324921611,0.0,0.0529554974803322,0.0,0.06755174515479184,0.07661161202387214,0.0,0.07842752091842091,0.0,0.0,0.0405393989355042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188865531753923,0.07691213310515127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895721818128644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956231711128776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812527501565455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198540081921904,0.2831534295775478,0.11750984377276096,0.0,0.4955781910113393,0.0,0.06732765432681903,0.0,0.0,0.06816277533643099,0.1447239559688963,0.0,0.10703621654988338,0.08128588853374671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076889365650193,0.0807985590062083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473467219095917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865867671131928,0.18293240208368655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868228041499019,0.0,0.11116789843637874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678645348207211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243429007076174,0.0,0.17215805626898542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375918001747627,0.0,0.0,0.06388989838067488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793287185189123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402866398472372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755649392014499,0.0,0.060282380391980715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168825316977773,0.0,0.05326537748884221,0.05137354890477712,0.07877252131116147,0.0,0.1402538260078296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054434246904778806,0.0872084741671572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363998369016365,0.0,0.0,0.07208786042574253,0.0,0.07234637712369757,0.0,0.09219845301015832,0.2318604334245949,0.08694746117815637,0.0,0.0,0.08170620232660583,0.2278189444087152,0.0876598790938509,0.0,0.1032614416474627
suicidewatch,RedditHasWorstMods,2018/03/12,"Homeless Tomorrow, Dead Tonight. I've had enough.",4.120000000000001,6.201631000000006,2.1950000000000003,86.45000000000002,114.0,6.6000000000000005,41.5,7.1686216300943375,4.623800000000001,40,3,6,1,2,11,8,8,0.417,0.583,0.0,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snapdragon75,2018/03/12,"The thought of dying bis becoming more appealing This is actually my first Reddit post I've been a long time lurker. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this post, probably for someone just to hear me out.

I've lost all hope, things have been getting really bad recently. Today I overheard somone talking about heart attacks and thought I seriously wouldn't mind having one. I think of a way out at least a few times a day it's just getting ridiculous im just not scared of death anymore.

Life is just a dark tunnel with no end in sight. I've suffered for so long now I miss having a normal happy Life like everyone else. I've forgotten what happines feels like. I had to go to the toilets at work the other day just to cry. I'm just so so and tired of living day by day.

Sorry if this post seems a bit scattered I can't think straight right now

Edit: Just noticed the typo in the title fml",2.452925675675676,4.237993735135138,3.8447804054054044,88.09149493243244,76.51351351351352,6.570945945945946,24.53547297297297,7.413659706084162,1.0838716216216215,711,24,147,9,16,234,115,185,0.17600000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9131,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,13,13,2,1,12,0,10,4,1,0,2,28,27,6,2,4,10,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,8,0,2,6,3,8,5,22,20,5,28,0,3,1,0,2,9,0,3,16,84,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.119787896942913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173664602620697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396477155122842,0.0,0.0,0.1024924950037738,0.0,0.13556954616649378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401300233232816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483691643905374,0.3166586203340257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739682599375646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254324701824574,0.0,0.1087215215450316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729445579422505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206691924043161,0.08769379866117605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441248527463257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239800206364216,0.0,0.06976258782797506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306714070898661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835002357035073,0.1454612886032086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192007925812932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325928392947528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340623203812994,0.11994050520257553,0.0,0.1083919501469097,0.2172626835012905,0.0,0.0,0.1339979193748567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394416740013668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202705480127751,0.0,0.1397535597455926,0.0,0.0,0.08317969049002309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526864284258279,0.0,0.13234703324258967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863784607756757,0.0,0.12120243911229055,0.0,0.0,0.10482923286673827,0.0,0.0,0.12289580936584593,0.0,0.0,0.11174848603582137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400706921456686,0.0,0.0,0.13741041510112714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569197131625368,0.0,0.0,0.0986631213157547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155073754721312,0.15730859335334682,0.0,0.1949021869343769,0.14315494096395534,0.1410849567357158,0.11635420508872756,0.0,0.0,0.08334030832395223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743454101142178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936465845119591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aamango,2018/03/12,"Life Sucks... I've been suicidal for 2-4 years. I've never been diagnosed but the last few years of my life have been plagued with depression, anxiety and paranoia. I've never actually attempted suicide but it's become an almost daily thought for me.

I'm at the age where I should be doing something with my life, my friends are in college and looking at university and I'm here, unemployed with no life goals, no hopes and no one else I could really tell all this to in confidence.

My main struggle is that I want help but i'm terrified to get it. I feel like a burden on my family already and if I told them my issues my paranoid brain would tell me it would just make my life more complicated and nothing would change. I did mention all this to my mom once and nothing really came of it.

I'm at the point where the only reason I haven't killed myself is my family and few friends, despite the fact I don't feel awfully close to most of these people. I just can't stand the thought of going through with it and hurting all those closest to me but my brain sees this as my only way out of a miserable existence where I self medicate with booze and weed just to try and forget my issues (I know it doesn't work but it's one of the few things I actually enjoy doing now)

So yeah I don't know why I wrote this, I guess to get a little bit of weight off my shoulders after three or four years of suffering in silence. 

Also on a side note I'm pretty sure my parents are mentally ill in some form, but like me they could never really ask for help. (especially my father) My mother once told me she was diagnosed with depression at a young age but I don't believe she has received mental help in a long time (likely decades) It is still clear that her depression lives on, which doesn't make me very hopeful for my future as she went through the mental health system and came out the other end the same. ",5.695116883116884,5.447549355844156,6.406428571428571,80.30107142857145,67.12987012987013,9.805194805194805,30.48701298701299,9.457814108942452,2.4849220779220773,1502,50,307,27,22,495,192,385,0.14400000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.154,0.7351,3,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,3,11,19,2,2,17,2,28,15,3,3,9,69,58,25,3,10,12,4,3,3,2,4,10,0,0,1,19,23,2,0,7,0,0,5,13,10,0,4,13,5,47,9,45,38,13,48,0,6,2,0,24,23,1,8,20,210,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.15579895370476166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993504536932503,0.0,0.08809089863186735,0.06383749197076659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061067311103850136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462731590196515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816246877192849,0.0,0.08993750827609348,0.0,0.0,0.08715023002766632,0.0,0.0,0.1782262987651254,0.0,0.1826012687224212,0.0,0.0,0.08444620790956849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747046607869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062642108271736,0.16204511655451498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668507838711497,0.0,0.07070288290468132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505072732953278,0.0,0.0807256936979666,0.05702830764412872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334803106934282,0.0,0.08341245423897686,0.0,0.045367430553166985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793825969676149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485219387954668,0.0,0.0,0.1605187366363662,0.0,0.0,0.15857212012888552,0.0,0.0,0.08545627903916732,0.0,0.0,0.16663695440418513,0.0,0.0,0.08831656679034251,0.0,0.08774148291247133,0.06506952574928218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819202754087601,0.11699807969510817,0.08000746101224561,0.07048855875212158,0.07064423792480745,0.06703443740293545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657006589493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041713913927964,0.24134002588256914,0.0,0.0,0.093492225623976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470213145460526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153192004316627,0.0,0.0,0.1700259503135051,0.1081854601221315,0.12142381194431726,0.0,0.0,0.08863825459524931,0.0,0.0,0.05534187700031669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546216240716913,0.0,0.0,0.0812125905567146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341734582317462,0.08207528262874178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361165313869035,0.0,0.08327679961518449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061454598399034076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374981440825041,0.0,0.0,0.08345234133281719,0.0,0.17463520449864975,0.0,0.07523584829151644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954434648442698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303340282266772,0.0,0.0,0.12674718220329478,0.04654767006736965,0.0,0.0,0.15255592555246747,0.0,0.054197181725679285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586549990675934,0.04708393616068598,0.06336282684517615,0.0,0.09720758086789838,0.0,0.07400027679495867,0.07203130329012307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811488739765972,0.0,0.0,0.17012008201753412,0.0,0.0,0.1542175956254071
suicidewatch,throwaway_9596,2018/03/12,"I think it’s time for me to go I went psychotic a few years ago during my freshman year at college and life is hell. Turns out I had a serious concussion playing football in HS that went undiagnosed for three years and this spiraled into a mental illness. The pain and literal weight of existing makes looking forward to the future entirely impossible for me. It’s not going to get better despite what my mom tries to tell me. She’s kidding herself.

I’m one of those “good-looking kid who played football in high school and had the high GPA only to go schizophrenic in college” cases. Fuck that shit, I was never attached to those things growing up anyway but I just continuously think about how fucking shitty the rest of my life will be if I don’t end it soon. 

I feel like I’m at my own funeral and I’m pretty sure that the grim reaper paid me a visit a few nights ago telling me its time to go. At least that’s how it felt.",3.7863254392666192,5.1261928770053515,4.952975553857907,83.34274064171123,72.10160427807486,7.695798319327732,28.86516424751719,8.192908349453996,1.9548918258212367,736,29,146,11,14,243,118,187,0.135,0.7709999999999999,0.094,-0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,4,0,10,0,7,9,1,3,2,20,27,9,2,1,4,1,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,15,7,1,0,4,2,1,9,3,7,0,2,7,4,18,5,23,18,5,33,1,1,1,2,9,12,4,1,15,94,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24408515414554666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176434131527215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194118064329755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961375543236499,0.09835665645472297,0.13219175275311087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25456080224668953,0.07193068183633007,0.0,0.3129806207118437,0.11547714706164393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29092715183252954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449102960610185,0.06726215106039418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312284338304385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190063490042924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387462881453731,0.0,0.0,0.16124593376096044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618518440175634,0.0,0.0,0.1292007746424786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329366918118713,0.10470975424482598,0.146498303269843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006726131574468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933672942701847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413237208704172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975918082061813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067197352262065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914666487142564,0.176436048044989,0.0,0.0,0.16056142581518176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347381684673993,0.14975331533554956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676538026672956,0.0,0.25525638416960805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26597890940155205
suicidewatch,TimeForTheBigOof,2018/03/12,"Selfishness and Suicide It seems there are at least 2 schools of thought on working. Working is something fulfilling that you enjoy and is part of what makes you, or that work is just a vessel to gain money to do the things you enjoy. I seem to be in the latter half and I don't think it's worth it even then.

The long and short of this is that I don't want to live anymore having to work 9hr days when I could be spending that time constantly enjoying the hobbies i partake in. It's important to note none of those hobbies fall under ""productive."" Obviously my ideal doesn't fit with that of the rest of the world, those who gain what I desire were born into riches that are self perpetuating. If I want to live that life i have to work for it, but I would be working until well beyond 65 in the economy's state. I don't expect someone to make such sacrifices for me either, and I acknowledge what i desire is indeed selfish.

I could continue the cycle of working long hours for money, turning most of that money over to my rental, insurance, bills, etc. and then being left with a small amount of time and money just for me, or I could just end it, and likely will soon. I'm just too tired of workplaces changing only for the cycle to continue. Thanks for reading, maybe the other side is as blissful as I'd like, but at least it will be freeing",6.1490458488228015,5.784595304832712,6.537828996282531,80.1308079306072,66.21189591078067,9.255117719950434,30.944485749690212,8.648137234880735,2.2652748946716232,1063,35,210,14,15,345,143,269,0.063,0.789,0.14800000000000002,0.9737,2,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,3,0,10,12,12,0,0,12,0,27,2,0,2,1,40,38,19,1,11,10,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,24,11,0,0,5,1,9,1,5,2,1,1,2,0,21,11,42,25,9,34,1,0,0,0,5,16,0,6,18,161,45,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184582843345115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635797501883414,0.0,0.0,0.12907863583995158,0.0,0.2861036102235422,0.0,0.0,0.07703275494469218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579365649427812,0.0,0.13321380613286762,0.07889292213389244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763019822821068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977837199852482,0.0,0.08436820551030708,0.11671051349199335,0.0,0.2109459208743224,0.21141181047434465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946219560891994,0.0,0.11999950939482372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908440258962367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934832176373004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194782717720985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088567629305134,0.0,0.21747820997027947,0.12460817395959857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120616412551788,0.09195532637313084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065448025256474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996978085120666,0.0,0.0,0.07935458032889496,0.07653614046382237,0.0,0.09482674047188833,0.13929978567791165,0.13728554601975673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992289165898974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090462973900386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107396252135659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6087065091798696,0.0,0.0,0.08485097438909751,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nableshaki1,2018/03/12,Its happening tonight. I'm scared. I'm nervous. It's going to hurt. A lot. Anyone want to be with me for the next 12 hours. I'd like to not be alone on my final day,-3.2222932330827057,-1.9094772894736831,0.1903007518797004,103.36710526315792,111.36842105263159,3.2240601503759403,13.323308270676687,5.288315135182226,-1.2739218045112777,125,3,33,1,7,44,32,38,0.205,0.66,0.135,-0.594,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301502872681865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228918705651453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055807167339601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491976974895276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811647229658556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818878587097789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31392490738096884,0.0,0.34125060487347497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573525204505065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710074319638378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390162335227725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31914505970347584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880192055553222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Run1126,2018/03/12,"That moment when you realize you can't end it all because people depend on you but you also don't know if you're strong enough to keep going alcohol, porn, drugs don't even help anymore because you know it's only a patch fix that'll just extend your misery in the future",10.989464285714282,6.136924732142859,10.501428571428573,69.64357142857145,60.60714285714286,12.62857142857143,36.92857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.203207142857142,219,5,42,2,2,72,44,56,0.134,0.757,0.109,-0.3479,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,1,9,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,7,2,7,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31224556579498497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365175321854975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897584841574003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562135911793777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388295318583285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25877978658449863,0.3018942468385271,0.0,0.19297842828544595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604943835548014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958383340868544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25969802142870085,0.0,0.0,0.32114280620364044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221178861679924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255693305512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidesoon2,2018/03/12,"Killing myself after I get off work Title says it all. 

My best friend replaced me for her boyfriend to make a long story short, I won't go into detail.

That's happened to me 6 times. I can't go through it again, I would rather not live at all.

I plan on coming home around 5:30 when nobody else will be home from work yet (because they all treat me like shit and are part of the problem, my family would probably throw a party after my funeral). 
Work is the only place I'm treated like a human being.",3.806851595006936,4.509009407766988,4.6980859916782265,87.5873786407767,71.4271844660194,7.050762829403608,24.423023578363384,6.868970318607317,0.804743134535367,391,10,82,3,7,127,79,103,0.098,0.74,0.163,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,5,5,9,2,0,5,0,9,1,1,1,3,13,16,2,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,1,14,6,13,10,5,18,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,9,55,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394294568430226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226325486916497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326632829063697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863898627903014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538434581041848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736112482253513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422828622910996,0.0,0.0962168802935739,0.0,0.2093266610885246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628535713220307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694583747191854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374762048027809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179944195485091,0.0,0.16261814333117322,0.1629772974756995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292935589346805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006326135859667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942916024200208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924097657568272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985574463060124,0.17621786256744834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645276495159476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903932489575773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738616048834804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40221570376014426,0.0,0.0,0.2616463567118085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MckenzieAdams,2018/03/12,"Getting prepared I think I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. I'm okay mentally I guess.. not too stressed.. I'm just ready to die. 

I've done all of my research and am getting prepared to write a living will and a final will. I've decided my method was going to be a partial hanging/ short drop and made sure my door of my apartment could hold my weight. 

I've hinted at this to my family and friends for a while now .. maybe even for years.. and jokingly would say ""I'd rather decide when and how I'm going to die than it be decided for me"" Just so they understand. 

I've kept journals since I was 12 describing why I wanted to die.. I got sent away when I was 14 for being suicidal.. no matter what I guess I could just describe life as .. uncomfortable. And I'm ready to move on

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suicidewatch,throwawaytoday312,2018/03/12,"I don't know if I should worry about myself I'd say that, for perhaps 2-3 months, I occasionally have ""suicidal thoughts"".  I put that in quotations, because it's not like I think ""I hate my life and I want to die"", it's more like ""I could just kill myself"" -- just a quick thought, mostly out of nowhere, and the thought is gone as quickly as it comes up.

There is some history of suicide in my family, but I don't know very much about suicide.  I know it sounds crazy to say, but I don't want to sort of ""accidentally"" kill myself.  Sometimes I get a strong impulse to just turn into oncoming traffic - and I'm not sure what the difference is between having that impulse and acting on it, and having the impulse and not acting on it is.

How normal is it for people to have suicidal thoughts?  What's the difference between just thinking about suicide on occasion, and being ""suicidal""?

As a bit of background (probably not helpful), I'm 39, married, have two kids who are 19 and 17.  I make good money, I'm secure in my home and work situation.  My job is stressful, but not insanely so.  I work out consistently, meditate, do yoga several times per week, don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs (occasionally use marijuana).  I have a small number of close friends who I see regularly.  I have interests and hobbies.  Overall, I feel very normal, but I have these thoughts and I can't shake them, and it makes me very uncomfortable.  
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suicidewatch,milkywayK,2018/03/12,"Tired and incapable I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. My parents won't understand. I am in a deadlock. I can't get psychological support without my parents knowing and I'm in pain..it just won't go away, I can't control it..I feel like I am stuck in a hole and can't get out. Especially the last 4 months the only thing I'm thinking about is ways to kill myself. The only thing that keeps me alive is the pain I am about to cause to my family if I ended my life. This thing that got me prevents me from eating, studying, completing tasks, exercising etc. I do nothing but staying in bed all day crying and crying and crying. I'm hopeless and this world is a place i don't want to be a part of. And the worst thing is that there's no-one to talk to, to seek help...What do I do? 
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suicidewatch,master-gator,2018/03/12,Thought I was getting better I had an attempt in January and was sent to the hospital again and changed therapist and meds and was slowly starting to feel better. Then yesterday I pretty much woke up wanting to have another attempt again and find the best way to do. I slept for ~18hours to try and move past it yesterday and woke up today hoping I feel better and only believe that I should just end it all. I feel alone at school surrounded by people who seem to be having more enjoyment in everything while i sit in class trying to not stab myself. The only people the text me are asking for drugs or want me to hook up with their roommates just feel like a huge waste. I thought everything was getting better but now idk if I can get up to go to class. It’s been such a struggle to even shower today idk if I can eat. I just wanna OD and not have to deal with anything again. Help everyone out by not taking up opportunities that others should have. I’ve started making a list of reasons to stay alive and the only thing I’ve been able to come up with is to help my sister deal with the strife my parents cause her but doesn’t feel like a good enough reason to not just take Xanax and OD ,6.385644230769231,5.797463737500002,6.556666666666668,80.93653846153849,65.79166666666666,9.384615384615383,30.544871794871803,8.617729084823388,2.157727564102564,947,29,190,12,13,304,135,240,0.049,0.787,0.16399999999999998,0.9769,2,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,8,10,12,0,1,11,0,20,4,1,4,1,50,46,18,2,8,13,2,5,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,17,1,0,11,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,13,5,19,11,37,30,5,34,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,5,16,132,27,3,0.10535438274825996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911536730779847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047325632940436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866976802266392,0.0,0.09849212607335846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186983116944644,0.11056292484541487,0.3727095600309372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082279722828367,0.11145096745503133,0.09075347202304636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723148503606715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217763618516785,0.10780383530195686,0.0,0.0,0.09331271227744103,0.1088592403806616,0.0,0.0695855761843776,0.0,0.0,0.10067062757884776,0.18937145184864093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26635170731264624,0.15053038417231593,0.0,0.0,0.09629199717633748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651299499325263,0.0,0.059875323608539324,0.088366257744407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123364396216467,0.0,0.0,0.10464067385172207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294165951074574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703248685746529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170249687878533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197503575133674,0.07744759355061652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403802665910809,0.0,0.0,0.11698357419133508,0.0,0.10057267943010567,0.14607892728748012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718328283927124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166437044257596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662425994329316,0.0,0.09591067322012437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914074873050098,0.11229375416297553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013927573740237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842676862396607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232455855907072,0.0699927705261586,0.0,0.0,0.1672792234067354,0.0,0.0,0.1997272721614328,0.0,0.0,0.1430574204855131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242814891657152,0.08362540518270381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,earthquakest,2018/03/12,"soon There is a 50/50 chance of how things could go. If its the latter, suicide will be the only option and I’m not going wake up after I do it.",0.2411458333333308,1.821121656250004,2.5825,95.54583333333336,82.4375,4.266666666666667,13.791666666666664,3.1291,-1.3430958333333334,111,1,26,0,3,38,30,32,0.134,0.8059999999999999,0.06,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,0,6,8,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921308028636975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5582459220222609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735297934433117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5372212486149347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326287829129122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImmediateDeathPlease,2018/03/12,"why I want to be fucking dead and forgotten forever (long rant ahead)

I hate myself so much. I feel meek and pathetic, like I'm a disappointment to people and trying to do anything is pointless. I don't want people to know I exist or ever did, I want any picture of me to disintegrate. No trace of me whatsoever. 

I've been without a job a month and a half now. Not because of the job market or anything like that. Because I'm a lazy sack of shit and I sit around and smoke bud and play video games and feel sorry for myself. I had a steady job as a server at a moderately fancy restaurant for a year and got paid pretty well. One night my boss' boss (who showed up to the place like once or twice a week tops) fired me over some bullshit which felt mostly beyond my control. So I brushed it off and got another serving job. Only lasted a couple months before I got fired again. Since then I've had a crippling fear that any job I get I'm going to make several mistakes, embarrass myself, disappoint people, and just keep repeating the same cycle over and over. I am a fuck up and I can't do anything right. 

I also have severe self loathing issues. I can't stand to look at myself. I'm embarrassed to wear short sleeves because of my skinny arms, I hate my hair. I fucking hate my hair. I want to say fuck you right to my dad's face for giving me such shitty genes. And for creating me in the first place.

That brings up my next point, I feel like a prisoner on Earth. I was created simply because my parents wanted me to be (well I was an unexpected pregnancy, but sadly I was not aborted immediately) I want to tell my parents that I hate them for forcing me into this life. They just wanted another cute little baby, another beam of sunshine. It makes me so angry and makes me feel like people who have kids do it for selfish reasons and don't think of the mental anguish their kids might one day suffer through. I know that's not true with everyone though, but I just feel this burning seething anger towards society. I hate seeing young couples with kids. It makes me sick. What a happy little fucking fairy tale for you. 

I see people near my age talking about grad school, vacations, condos, careers and shit. It makes me feel so worthless and stupid, like there's no way in hell I could ever succeed that much no matter what. Or that I could never even have the strength to make myself try.

I just want the entire earth to fucking explode and wipe everything out, including me. I want to blow my head off with a shotgun but that's fucking scary. Then I think about how I'd be scared no matter what I tried. So that's where I am now reddit. Too miserable to go on and too much of a pathetic coward to do anything. So I'll just lie in bed ",3.14967213114754,4.843588448087432,4.299511839708561,85.96675409836067,74.35519125683061,6.920072859744991,25.49690346083789,7.635375032292933,1.3210877231329694,2154,73,429,28,45,704,265,549,0.247,0.6609999999999999,0.092,-0.9986,8,0,1,1,0,0,56.0,0,2,3,6,31,45,17,6,25,0,27,18,9,11,4,87,82,39,1,12,16,3,11,6,1,1,2,1,2,4,22,26,1,2,12,4,1,3,13,30,2,5,12,17,68,15,63,64,6,59,1,6,4,7,20,31,10,7,28,280,90,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628217593096825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871321979654428,0.18205921773017406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905029611150815,0.05152052967803822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411189076809127,0.0,0.04924689341795277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649111156829057,0.09241607642978968,0.12807395398895505,0.0,0.0373242317512364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038225527717031804,0.10470150493421124,0.0,0.05530151614480952,0.05201382296723684,0.0,0.0,0.06512484514458962,0.17557836198779533,0.08269103581449024,0.0555685469357109,0.0,0.0,0.049227976727771884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745279684671232,0.03023701090645938,0.055518445027901486,0.06578276613245349,0.0,0.13886245131588004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061608427098401634,0.0,0.2856951828630609,0.059395881421024976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060405888469639214,0.2871573021383053,0.05144146941386301,0.0,0.0,0.06361256721142262,0.047175400309461456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040878434857529615,0.16964719448922347,0.11601080406023875,0.0,0.05121706613477808,0.04859996108144222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178986453521944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832383234498264,0.06139564453267207,0.0,0.0,0.09238966602505402,0.0,0.1276331373347664,0.0,0.04463634289142335,0.0,0.06155013304973553,0.05431124983462194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616343993341975,0.07843444884767944,0.04401612636340082,0.0,0.0,0.12852545320138525,0.0,0.0,0.2006142792116261,0.0,0.12093296244790094,0.0,0.05471006095069121,0.0,0.0,0.05887912084135125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059504572515895374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884892639765072,0.0,0.046024084730361584,0.057942419697124124,0.05857203212589612,0.09223688559609436,0.0,0.06037567222288344,0.13076330805580355,0.118814580376797,0.04787434224512925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478570736976039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651728983603967,0.050584819318416935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416722006289148,0.056861352267318775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787885561383955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072226452941365,0.04593804375765335,0.04642339202990597,0.0,0.10407216012989684,0.0,0.0522226883997425,0.0,0.0,0.055788903551493685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037269247647628616
suicidewatch,Asmizon949,2018/03/12,"I attempted suicide and my ex-gf doesn't give a damn I've been in an on and off (mostly off) relationship with this girl for the last 4 years and in that time, she's given me only pain and now she blames me for everything, apparently I'm the worst guy since Hitler... 

We've hardly talked for the past year and last month I told her I was ready to follow all her terms and conditions in our relationship if she gets back with me, but she said she's not interested, that its all my fault etc.

Anyway, I told her that I've been depressed for the past year and that I keep thinking about suicide, but she didn't give a damn. Even a friend of mine told her that I wasn't well, but she didn't care. 

Some days days back, I made a half hearted suicide attempt and ended up going to the hospital. My sister told her I'd tried to kill myself, but the next day when I texted her, she didn't even reply and later, when she did talk to me, she just insulted me...

We talked again yesterday and this time I told her point blank that I was really depressed and that I needer ger help. I told her I was gonna try to kill myself again and that she could at least show some empathy, but she didn't give a damn. 

What's eating me is that how could she not care? How could she be so heartless that she doesn't even care if I live or die? God knows how much I love her and she doesn't even care if I die? This thing's always on my mind, 24/7.

I used to be so emotionally stable but this girl completely broke me. Im the guy all my friends turn to for support and they'd never imagine in a million years that I was suicidal. I can't tell anyone what Im going through, in fact I went to the hospital alone and didn't let any friends or family know about the whole thing. 

Only thing that's stopping me from killing myself is the thought of how devestated my parents and younger sister will be. Honestly, that was the only reason I made such a half hearted attempt, I couldn't fully commit myself to dying. And I can't tell them either..

This may sound weird, but I've always been an efficient guy and I know the nexf time I try, there's no way in hell I'm gonna live. I once thought I could always count on my gf, that she'd be there for me even if no one once was and now she doesn't give a damn whether I live or die..",4.6073525960692265,4.1460728028747456,5.270832355529481,88.25188655030801,69.43121149897331,8.599853329422118,26.01708712232326,7.957251820313856,1.1329009093575828,1793,42,419,20,28,581,196,487,0.229,0.6779999999999999,0.093,-0.9978,2,1,0,0,0,6,50.0,2,0,2,3,27,29,10,0,22,0,38,5,2,8,6,74,76,42,11,9,19,3,1,0,4,4,1,2,0,5,25,22,1,2,8,1,0,4,18,17,1,4,29,3,80,12,36,31,13,49,1,3,0,1,64,14,5,11,30,279,105,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631607258466321,0.0,0.0,0.152229981635432,0.0,0.0,0.04147101008835753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264122393076202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378540848799498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487078032030809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394025360872728,0.0,0.0,0.19476210211461786,0.0,0.0,0.11798833249331835,0.0,0.10505035016480813,0.0,0.2531658275710548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062401554013150826,0.0,0.06859845906272277,0.0540134610144862,0.0,0.06801295051691619,0.2013958074238774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054808221098916934,0.0,0.05749000892575731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134757580591775,0.0,0.03186146844417629,0.23400450392381056,0.0693168889538632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811503650595128,0.0,0.0,0.054629420558807186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453196624611403,0.0408760914558072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317457308225916,0.0,0.0,0.05420511834064009,0.2024082996881978,0.0,0.10054514692919657,0.0994197166479968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235996933496566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154918429243925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504017401924841,0.11540851091012885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157615675997837,0.0,0.04867661088808886,0.0,0.04483003947494641,0.0,0.04703439221879913,0.0,0.0648568612805595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989130939809826,0.041324136248580716,0.13914256526554805,0.06489096095847068,0.0,0.06771518659892728,0.0,0.1164316922515116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764931216091305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390677224988484,0.06270140475738585,0.0,0.1309473516312253,0.0,0.0,0.058009467838775926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044635031708869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098510739550721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668250974337595,0.06920358485665007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470491742855738,0.1066048909036706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154458990121494,0.03907589524864845,0.0,0.09682849840597314,0.10668026504188988,0.0,0.0,0.3496352566754307,0.0,0.12421179626500815,0.06633275827735194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052670340224454416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840602585022677,0.0,0.0,0.054831673940158095,0.056532504779391965,0.0,0.0680861279054254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708602434765678
suicidewatch,nightleld1,2018/03/12,"Why can't I just fucking do it? I've wanted to for 11months and I've tried once before, but my fucking fear of death kicked in on the 2nd pill. I just want to end everything so fucking bad. I've got a knife next to me and I want to slit my wrists but I just fucking cant. I am so fucking pathetic arent I?

Im tired of life and I just wish I never existed.

I'll just be another teen suicide anyway no one cares.",-1.4498387096774188,0.4867794193548427,1.6432526881720442,97.08487903225807,93.51612903225808,4.820430107526882,19.577956989247312,6.42735559955562,0.04456344086021469,318,11,78,4,12,112,59,93,0.28300000000000003,0.595,0.122,-0.9746,1,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,5,1,2,0,6,9,1,0,1,15,17,7,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,11,1,9,15,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,0,3,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246689543552395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293674694176975,0.0,0.0,0.13184155106033166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797048550035975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372298343698681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924904944517982,0.0,0.0,0.17434928379251946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7161923589939847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391875368427716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736054753899812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943789308282982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949839415293426,0.0,0.1647792265874921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500482046508494,0.10499057580016363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694779562299219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780794176698777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519330989028408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27416084728213685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980821451475545,0.0,0.17817203305610405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whimsicalhaven,2018/03/12,"WORTHLESS I'm a 15-year-old girl with terrible self-esteem and self-confidence. Right now , I'm in the middle of these huge exams called 10th Boards. I have finished half my exams and I feel I haven't done well, while this normally wouldn't be an issue for me,but  I have worked my butt off for these exams for one year and I feel like the results won't be fruitful.

I'm tired and mentally exhausted, I can barely read words without feeling like I'm shutting down. I don't want to get cursed or punished or repercussed anymore neither by the world nor by anyone above.   

I have parents and teachers who expect a lot from me, I don't know if I will be able to deliver it to them, I don't want them to have a failure for a daughter, at the same time I've lost all hope for my remaining exams.

I have frequent breakdowns and have no one to talk to. My dad isn't usually at home due to work and my mom, as much as she tries, can't understand me, she simply thinks it's because I haven't studied.

I'm crying as I'm typing this, I literally have zero confidence, I feel there is no meaning to life, I'm burdened by expectations and I feel extremely lonely. 

I want to live again,to have hope again , I want to be able to smile again, to feel good about myself, but I don't feel it's likely in this life of mine. 

I don't want to live this life anymore.
",5.017940391459074,4.569183451957297,5.872898131672603,84.23753225088969,68.5729537366548,8.875533807829182,30.37388790035587,8.278499904357787,1.9534072953736648,1054,36,229,13,16,348,142,281,0.117,0.816,0.067,-0.6709999999999999,1,2,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,2,3,6,14,1,0,9,0,27,7,1,1,1,41,54,17,0,12,5,4,7,3,0,3,5,0,1,1,10,9,1,0,11,1,0,0,16,7,1,4,2,8,33,7,36,45,5,21,0,3,0,1,12,11,1,6,13,145,43,8,0.21923734741547773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174245378035503,0.07664792541756585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668225260484931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193292195806147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041096577158032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217796199362512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879854656947425,0.23493480719896595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572712326683844,0.0,0.0,0.09194294268330368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995646748920207,0.21775215390741387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441341552534695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060243556293792785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322807331472877,0.16066244076155384,0.0,0.1935905943822691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966173144134296,0.09319387638545187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940687148310095,0.0,0.0,0.11046984051018667,0.0,0.0,0.1283840657908328,0.0,0.0,0.08058233806143987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740302598540424,0.0,0.0,0.11502635821057412,0.0,0.14856090051587512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171856465702485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964833807764016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361374840015163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871236724316554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810733764472008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023921990387152,0.0,0.0,0.06391953016900508,0.12599053986871478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442388388883261,0.0,0.0,0.1141169052399193,0.0,0.0,0.12072948227950353,0.0,0.3232796693736366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856035233673513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566848970276682,0.0,0.15960740002267335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118166375678376
suicidewatch,mmyers272,2018/03/12,"I’m can’t keep going like this My parents are loving, and have allowed me to live at home while they pay for therapy and a psychiatrist to get me better. Everything looks great from the outside but everyday I am more and more miserable. I don’t talk to them, so they just see my actions as me being lazy, so they yell at me. Their yelling and disappointment leads to further depression, self-hatred, and anxiety. This leads to more actions that they view as lazy such as not getting out of bed or wanting to sleep a lot.
I just want to end it. I’m tired of their judgment and disapproval. I’m tired of feeling alone. I’m tired of hurting and having no one see or believe my pain. My mom has ambien (a prescription sleeping pill) and I think I’m just going to take as many of those as I possibly can and then drink vodka. Also I’m going to take all of my antidepressants too. Hopefully I will do it later today or tonight",3.6607104247104254,5.034600897297299,4.935463320463324,83.21385135135138,72.45945945945945,8.312741312741313,28.349420849420852,8.841846274778883,2.1811312741312743,726,28,146,14,14,241,110,185,0.233,0.6940000000000001,0.073,-0.9897,2,1,2,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,7,3,8,10,0,1,4,0,11,9,2,3,1,29,34,23,0,3,8,2,1,1,0,1,5,2,2,0,6,10,1,1,2,2,1,7,4,5,0,1,0,7,22,5,25,32,5,18,0,4,4,1,11,4,0,5,8,99,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419483802294718,0.0,0.1096034006188346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484724191068368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441485005016325,0.0,0.12121463650759635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180458809533177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342624167359302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139067749492732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317683345092313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929948431137681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321190191402508,0.0,0.2336757528746413,0.0,0.0,0.1511044025369226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747805052543596,0.13612724335585685,0.0,0.0,0.1467209706674242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182141109784247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695849625133328,0.0,0.1210227016357558,0.0,0.11509227682842965,0.0,0.0,0.1165198622594761,0.12369812798782412,0.0,0.0,0.13895297673610274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605179894050913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928724951500984,0.0,0.14583693705413564,0.0,0.1521841449066675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450971840315528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184313101203591,0.0,0.1429789947677963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27430937710789643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060976720879721,0.11016018696282666,0.0,0.0,0.15673514726218105,0.0,0.0,0.08781976397850291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47257612584268605,0.12991278621182814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167801579969646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Purplepeon,2018/03/12,"One fuck up after another. My birthday was last week. I made the effort and reached out to friends and family to do something, anything. No response or let’s do something another day but no day specified. I started a new job to save on time and make the same amount income wise but the new staff and managers pick on me and I feel like a failure.  I don’t want to kill myself but all this week I’ve been hoping for death. ",2.073023255813954,4.077480197674419,3.2838953488372127,90.66561046511627,78.41860465116278,6.16046511627907,25.86627906976745,7.1686216300943375,1.1593767441860472,331,13,69,4,8,107,61,86,0.215,0.598,0.188,-0.7096,2,0,2,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,5,0,6,1,0,3,1,19,13,9,2,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,7,5,10,9,3,14,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,11,43,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062138400544825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939512773873427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498355155390793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825991483411238,0.0,0.09793840919283144,0.13837630805682485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496488836032595,0.17906863277268775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238362008834375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221317962735607,0.0,0.2142956885370554,0.0,0.0,0.15788791763525478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806706424151646,0.0,0.094629976975502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832796358643914,0.12929344107435786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37414519378432975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125327732455214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29823295801234245,0.0,0.0,0.13709887411522845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294557034313332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424679293231198,0.0,0.310742151591108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THROWAWAYBECAUSEOFSW,2018/03/12,"I don't know what else to do First off, I've been suicidal for years, since I was probably 10, which is super young, my life has been perfect and I get what I want, I don't have to do anything in life, I just want to die, people care for me and all that but I don't care for me, I  just want to leave it all, yeah it's selfish and I don't care about others but once I'm dead I won't need to care about anybody, I just want this to go away and I'm thinking of suicide maybe over spring break.",0.6464186507936525,1.6136451696428615,2.432976190476193,99.78424603174605,79.44642857142857,5.692063492063492,19.58730158730159,5.82211442006289,-0.4711638888888885,377,8,101,2,9,125,63,112,0.182,0.597,0.221,-0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,0,3,19,28,6,4,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,0,14,6,16,24,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866917036711706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690332693152647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6376689077423738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227474034370065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061690237636922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299788911076832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169051199924042,0.0,0.08886175724695118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593017347453967,0.0,0.0,0.16556036417311834,0.0,0.0,0.2208803167462439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708245472451354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593734868577815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651598446527152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839883104751842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168580184688062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934081155475627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34206017311790193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018778309868646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688955935415877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068931520975433
suicidewatch,no-clue_throwaway,2018/03/12,"Not immediately suicidal, but things are worse every day and I don't know how to find the right kind of help Hey. Appreciate you reading this.

I've never had an easy time emotionally, but these past few years have been rough for me. I went off to college with life goals, hoping to become a more mature, socially respected person than I was in high school as I worked on getting a degree.

School is fine. Not great, but I've never felt overwhelmed. But my social life is a mess.

The weird part is, I'm not alone. I have friends, and I have plans on the weekends. But I don't feel respected by the friends I have. They spend time together without me, and I find myself uninvited to most small get-togethers; I don't feel respected or taken seriously, and I feel like I'm only kept around as entertainment. With a couple of lucky exceptions, I've been excluded from the hookup/dating culture typically present in college - I'm 21 and I've never been in a real romantic relationship. I don't feel like people even see me as a serious possible person to date, and I feel constantly overlooked for other people.

The thing is - I get a lot of ""find other friends then!"". I do. I did. I have. Every group ends up this way, and I know it's something about me that does this. Something about how I speak or act, something about what I say or my body language or my appearance or facial expressions.

I want to change. I want to focus on my behaviors and become more charismatic, more likeable, easier to take seriously. I want to be the sort of person who earns respect when they start talking. I want to matter to people.

And I have literally no idea what to do about that! I have no idea what behaviors I want to change or which I *need* to change to be better mI've gotten professional help; I'm on a small dose of Prozac and I've gone to campus counseling several times. None of the counselors seem to understand that I don't want to just feel better; I want to *be* better, and I need professional help to do that - someone who understands social dynamics and can help me figure out what's going wrong.

I've tried to find this for years. I've googled, asked professionals, asked friends and family...other than a couple google hits for ""social skills counseling"", I've found very little. Nobody seems to have any idea if what I'm asking for exists, and the counselors I've been to clearly weren't understanding what I was asking for.

I'm at my wit's end with this. Every week is worse than the last. I'm getting too depressed to focus on school; I drink a lot, not to the point of alcoholism but pretty much any night I don't have to do schoolwork, only because I no longer find joy in hobbies. I can't sleep at night and become dysfunctionally exhausted in the middle of most days. Even hearing about other people having successful friendships or relationships causes a pang of depressed longing that I can almost feel physically. I've ruined valuable friendships over begging for explanations of why I'm so unimportant to people, and I have trouble forming genuine friendships with women because I'm constantly concerned about how they see me, and I grow jealous and resentful towards socially successful people even if I like them. 


Please. How can I find the help I need? How can I find someone to coach me into being someone people respect? I don't know how much longer I can do this.",4.738229923548367,6.393659181114553,5.534604789284135,78.8637881468377,70.19195046439629,8.493283629241171,28.50875086876856,9.014128462123184,2.3992792443293105,2685,99,489,52,49,875,270,646,0.126,0.664,0.21,0.9962,0,1,5,0,0,0,84.0,0,1,4,10,20,40,2,1,25,0,48,10,3,7,4,108,105,45,1,13,22,0,9,3,4,0,6,3,0,4,27,25,2,1,28,5,1,6,21,14,0,0,16,14,63,26,84,84,13,59,0,4,2,0,39,26,0,20,29,317,90,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628752374656164,0.052740751920570164,0.05454956852721083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716339363230462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688689335572358,0.1969549519262029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421350106704785,0.17450749690784434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974529564866206,0.0,0.0585037810144591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410593701206128,0.16715158469280975,0.0,0.0,0.11383372532108647,0.0,0.0,0.11655528116369007,0.0,0.06793475473333563,0.0,0.09072807822122672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609130833254195,0.0,0.0,0.051595917406917616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059245936352750085,0.09329883257377593,0.0,0.0,0.10436283862384613,0.0,0.1331286120193105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864184623708208,0.0752539968423701,0.05057084137894302,0.0,0.3369718601269871,0.0,0.0,0.057749230265159913,0.1627688550487883,0.0,0.11007025856501212,0.0,0.02993320875747542,0.0,0.0,0.05806815088432926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059362192058367014,0.0,0.17651579538584333,0.05564806631934266,0.0,0.05231255459101656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837187582614922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484702925278781,0.08683710183778941,0.042932554792156255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440384746397143,0.07719476066940152,0.052788531407537316,0.0,0.046610722616037784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955520592527033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743607368776159,0.11716098021858612,0.12186556283592355,0.0,0.0,0.09885324529563116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011483715830504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057035779912691875,0.050278859925036966,0.2556000981227615,0.13796655021578574,0.0,0.0578151365326001,0.04978956562190903,0.059376785127999834,0.0,0.05358366998590836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052683609035065415,0.05994925787118952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309435468821782,0.0,0.04497934220880178,0.0,0.04188478585201957,0.0,0.15991260034068874,0.08394131515017507,0.0958964070854239,0.0,0.05950138049791444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270739313831548,0.2684488779607309,0.13387972315747695,0.12164233022824487,0.0,0.0,0.03727964123570588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057611726837123935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960080089919635,0.042333633240370164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998235952330709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213577504689001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575903538906375,0.0,0.0,0.164491971114814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345773464763425,0.2174602553254258,0.04180648320379751,0.0422481803840032,0.0,0.0,0.048825020646002484,0.0475259015590374,0.0,0.0,0.050771379634450116,0.0,0.03834391842739904,0.0,0.1073491467830558,0.0,0.05758567256751875,0.0,0.06783467681029295
suicidewatch,Helision,2018/03/12,I'm so alone and I cant do this anymore I just want someone to give me a hug but I have no one to go to. I just want a hug :(,-5.141818181818182,-4.069590636363635,-0.5008484848484844,110.40872727272726,106.87878787878788,2.64,12.66060606060606,3.1291,-2.057237575757576,91,2,31,0,5,35,23,33,0.23,0.526,0.244,-0.1272,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275476941331002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093975819866289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960059227007761,0.2346100020182452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27973141423397463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34977341692815417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869732415081351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No_Introduction,2018/03/12,"I've been noticing that how everything around me is so deadly... The last time I perceived a roll of toilet paper deadly was a year ago and I'm starting to see it like that again, but not only the roll of toilet paper, but everything else also...
What should I do..?",2.087924528301887,4.150763075471698,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,78.62264150943396,5.749433962264153,20.033962264150947,6.742157984588678,0.3831690566037733,205,5,40,2,5,68,40,53,0.0,0.963,0.037000000000000005,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,8,6,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,4,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,28,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695482645451534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431723879909351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706953590741492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540195307513537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5465743684284083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24786550150085054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855795840079766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461966994383365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126627784016995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423121134657045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152291429055191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731129053252687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958173263637605
suicidewatch,Jodiyubaba,2018/03/12,"First time being flooded with suicidal thoughts I know things about my family that would destroy my other family members. I don't want to see my family being broken. It's so close to breaking but i am the only one who knows. I don't want to worry anyone else about my thoughts and findings. 2018 has been a year of feeling absolutely hopeless. I do not see a bright future for myself. We are struggling financially. I am young but i do not see myself living happily in the future. I never imagined myself to have to go through something like this. My family has always been a big part of me but i am just now realizing how broken we actually are. Sorry for my rambling, i just don't know how to make it past this week.",2.1765023474178413,4.634590500000002,4.223126760563382,81.64605164319252,80.61971830985917,6.603568075117372,23.551173708920192,7.793537801064563,1.5023337089201882,569,20,104,10,15,194,85,142,0.175,0.738,0.087,-0.8843,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,2,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,5,0,18,0,0,3,1,28,31,7,1,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,4,5,22,2,15,24,1,15,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,0,11,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.1450295652947276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366194144566255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039170434151182,0.15227653135171915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415112810648532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604146600645376,0.0,0.07514564114029484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583400567434212,0.12641425166633255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446293861681381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502942072174336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260716555967835,0.0,0.13123226813762126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920355665199736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146232337547564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070728897483787,0.11303055793355353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093862895753575,0.1418725367527202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552875105900521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144132676020863,0.0,0.166365494993053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536762601449747,0.0,0.16256378615731976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873508357503956,0.0,0.0,0.2359719150888453,0.08666025277866421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531729530582318,0.0,0.1192122600472954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092862210543734,0.0,0.105573843538815,0.0,0.0,0.09570501094521497
suicidewatch,no_thisisnomad,2018/03/12,"Is it normal? Is suicidal ideation normal? Like do most happy people also think about killing themselves from time to time? I'm sure not everyone does, and certainly not to the extent that I do, but fantasising about my death has become such a huge part of my life inside my head that I can't imagine what it'd be like for someone to not ever think about it.",6.351338028169013,6.134525788732398,6.622640845070425,79.19621478873242,65.76056338028171,9.353521126760565,30.426056338028175,8.841846274778883,2.2939267605633806,285,9,55,4,4,92,52,71,0.133,0.69,0.177,-0.139,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,3,14,11,3,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,9,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654342465182268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381446830466266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319045944197194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969201831451855,0.0,0.2109477104794041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350054311099551,0.0,0.0,0.2265656725371241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424062840373625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593084678902955,0.215706486678393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326001015070531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390639130151255,0.0,0.15304868958150772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705106712781225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414779788112718,0.0,0.2080657291494435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829109643923845,0.0,0.0,0.2574563890141467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatepeople56,2018/03/12,"Every single day is unbearable torture. Get up at 10 am. Barely eat because i don't want to get fat. Waste my time watching YouTube/Tv shows. Obsess about my problems. Go to sleep. Every. Fucking. Day.

I'm alone and lonely. Fresh out of high school, no job. Undiagnosed depression and body dysmorphia. Suicidal. Shit family. Lesbian. Unattractive and fat. No friends anymore. 

I'm slowly suffocating. My life in unbearable. Cant get help either. ",1.6546153846153828,2.9966607435897465,2.8745897435897447,81.39957692307695,121.05128205128204,5.662564102564104,25.6948717948718,6.742157984588678,2.324644102564103,350,17,54,8,20,112,63,78,0.387,0.5589999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9839,1,3,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,0,4,9,5,0,0,7,12,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,1,4,1,8,12,2,9,0,2,1,2,2,5,2,0,3,23,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140131257281586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242697454279165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442645081324825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672546146281344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632742422660146,0.0,0.17580372623487306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088603360416728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439509432335914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242121086827327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769854158481486,0.18870078781679972,0.31992458094694515,0.0,0.11600311041305247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681380748516014,0.21565842919875527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025523837583368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417227705939634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531023962130592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657501376991028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952084712245625,0.0,0.0,0.20426214895124564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326839609884733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902094618224927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039216192171788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSaintMan,2018/03/12,"I Want To End This Never Ending Circle I'm tired of living. I'm tired of depression. I'm tired of working to have money to do things that makes me forget I'm going to die one day. Sometimes I look back at the times when I was happy and I become more depressed. 

I just want to end my life now. There is no point in living. It sucks. I lost so many friends. One of them committed suicide by standing in front of a train. I have only a few people now. I can count them on one of my hands. I don't even know if I can count on them really. 

My love/sexual life is non-existent. I've been single for almost a year. This is the longest time ever since I had my first girlfriend. I feel like I'm going to be single forever ever since I'm different than all the other guys that girls like. I feel like a crazy psychopath maybe, because I am one. I'm getting worse mentally with each day.

I thought about getting help, but I'm afraid of telling anyone. I don't even know how to tell them my problems. They wouldn't understand. If I told these things to a doctor they would say there are no cure, sorry. 

",0.632532751091702,2.79391805240175,2.4618759825327494,93.72711965065504,84.63318777292577,5.236052401746727,18.76698689956332,6.55674776486733,0.007076017467248619,850,22,186,9,25,281,131,229,0.155,0.773,0.07200000000000001,-0.9439,1,1,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,6,3,14,11,1,1,8,0,18,7,1,2,5,27,43,7,2,7,4,0,3,3,2,2,6,1,0,2,9,3,0,0,6,0,1,3,6,6,0,5,6,5,29,5,25,34,6,26,0,3,1,0,15,6,1,3,19,120,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054315560988033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736203992757932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096061255582923,0.0,0.0641830946044069,0.1162832425901588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580517235539416,0.0,0.18137023308131986,0.0,0.10927318443667963,0.11000441963645753,0.0,0.107767580808263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797639607585416,0.0,0.0,0.13908456079113904,0.1904795525093252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647439385826728,0.15043672493889873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895586265349043,0.0,0.0,0.08134589026176317,0.0,0.11001813794942006,0.0,0.11967613897821887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425249695999758,0.0,0.11208191927977212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057288455642569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157279768233967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487372313098357,0.1543164146068116,0.0,0.1859439349051777,0.0,0.08841610103484683,0.0,0.11493519751188815,0.0,0.09502728144214867,0.0,0.07028111280190917,0.1067463497008274,0.1057767833152751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061063782481618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120523792808433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853857492728328,0.08007690107379697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299401886385931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953197840082292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074719245699916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745072172016592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372990502475612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419201936515508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413334687011064,0.11786222706680348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516889291083696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405415955752447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989844276623667,0.0,0.0,0.08358757156570032,0.1227895290557939,0.3630420705939345,0.0,0.1006079908304032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960938710489004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420416186021994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665152352804293,0.0,0.10729831467194277,0.0747941652204178,0.0,0.0,0.06780255564368598
suicidewatch,vickedalien,2018/03/12,"no more will to live i’m at my wits end i’ve done all the research but i don’t know if i want to put my partner through the stress of waking up next to me dead in the morning

it’s either that or someone finds me dead on the street but at least i won’t have personal ties with them? 

i don’t even know why i’m posting here i’ve made up my mind ",-1.7962962962962976,0.0007672098765461044,0.6801111111111098,104.61350000000004,92.95061728395063,3.7338271604938273,16.741975308641976,4.935628992294339,-1.1079639506172838,268,7,73,1,10,90,56,81,0.208,0.774,0.018000000000000002,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,6,1,1,1,1,13,12,4,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,10,0,12,8,4,11,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,2,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27331068735871633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365493821101381,0.0,0.0,0.1764006709102151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244101922217092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29355512414329155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583232159186146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527130407244262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696698482325249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840375375576223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331997897158729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557842444230508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684843733435748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262919761254617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30593377420460216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575278906397467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409938546471688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muddledmirth,2018/03/12,"I'm Afraid of Becoming Nothing I Would Love I've long been suicidal. When I was about 14 or 15 I figured that I wouldn't live past my 20's and I still hold that belief pretty confidently. I've established what I think would be worth living for, worth striving to be and do, and it seems like life doesn't want me to succeed in any of these endeavors. People keep telling me that if I hold on then eventually things will improve or change for the better. But I'm not open-minded enough for that.

I've wanted to be a great thinker/artist since I first had ambition. I've tried music, poetry, drawing, painting, writing - and though I enjoyed these things for a time they quickly become instruments of my depression and self-destruction. I hate most of the art I've made and the art which I have made that is to my liking brings me shame therefrom. I believe my greatest faculties were used in my poetry and writings and though they are my best work, they make me cringe, sob and pull my hair.

The woman I love does not reciprocate and has indicated that she never will. Never and ever are unknowable, but nonetheless things seems such. I've been trying every which way to show her that I love her and display my loveable qualities - not changing the integral parts of who I am, just putting my strengths into the light for her to see. But she'll have none of it. People have told me to move on or wait for another girl to come along, but I would rather live alone than to think of another woman in such a way. I'd rather hurt or even end myself before I loved another. I'd be betraying my heart, my mind and my soul.

And these two things were what I thought made a life worthy. To either be a great person in some field of note, or to marry and beget children with the woman I love and raise them to become philosopher-kings and great artists. But neither are to be. People, fairly, say that I cannot know where time flows and where I'll be in the years to come and that perhaps I'll succeed or find other worth. And this is a fair point, however I feel that it is also a fair point to argue that I might never find such. My story might end with me becoming and creating nothing worth discussion in my book. I thought that maybe my purpose is to be here for my friends and family and to help push them forward to greatness and to further families. But I find no joy in this. Seeing their success as partly my own makes me feel like a thief. And helping them without feeling like I've done anything to contribute makes me feel a wretch or a freeloader. I do not find ultimate purpose in simply helping my loved ones.

I do not find joy in the world anymore. Pleasures fill me with guilt, self-hate and self-pity as I feel I indulge in them too much to not feel like a weakling. Challenging myself either resorts in failing horribly and deepening my low self-esteem or in me dominating and feeling that there is mo challenge. The only thing I want is dreamless sleep. Sweet nothingness. I don't get much sleep anymore though because even trying to sleep is too much. If I sit still without distractions, my mind goes to the darkest places and I begin seeking my ruin. I only sleep now when I cannot fight it any longer and submit in seconds subconsciously. And when I awaken, I am reluctant and resentful to be awakened. To be, rather than not.

I'm so afraid of trying to be and do the somethings that I feel are worthwhile, because I can find no more tragic and depressing a thought than lifelong struggle without some sense of success. I don't care if people like my art if I can't even like my art. And I cannot bring myself to impress myself or surprise myself anymore.

I'm afraid that I will try to be something and end up nothing. I'd rather get it over with now. Everyday feels unwarranted.

I don't want to make this decision without at least hearing advice and answers one last time. I wouldn't be able to do it if I had such a regret on my mind.",5.258307692307692,5.882285651282055,5.561692307692309,82.9733076923077,68.12820512820512,8.496410256410256,30.471794871794877,8.488131031819089,2.175461025641025,3128,116,615,44,50,996,324,780,0.114,0.695,0.191,0.9969,1,1,2,0,1,0,75.0,0,0,8,12,34,56,4,7,25,0,63,14,6,8,4,147,117,68,1,19,38,0,10,7,1,11,2,2,0,6,38,45,0,4,27,7,4,11,29,21,0,5,15,16,97,35,82,78,18,68,2,9,2,6,39,29,1,22,34,430,135,9,0.048697337926192096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758647501966562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043575574283545,0.0,0.03894324354571222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623171938536536,0.15319021444417402,0.0,0.0,0.14488402157320746,0.0,0.0,0.0400737598311573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937089041491496,0.21512953513579144,0.04143784784677353,0.054865223876500564,0.05110485176654194,0.04306883804852602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965018152319352,0.0,0.10303065297866476,0.08389688933286453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388589159784197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261536858477996,0.049834284053095916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939416180080454,0.05031736769672459,0.0,0.09649239727415293,0.044049530129452105,0.041029607501779496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181503248945128,0.0,0.22160553522093948,0.10436816383397952,0.0,0.0,0.2670509078272677,0.04142193076297239,0.0,0.0,0.037623442482806316,0.0,0.05088469831586719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147559479213276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807853936110392,0.0,0.0,0.05488543905753547,0.05770657991107811,0.09792239734829578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052131507432287866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328443145632075,0.0,0.0,0.026762783378825816,0.03969482995695856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879273985729405,0.16653741659230645,0.0,0.1290019246962508,0.043095611648823036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26370749249639863,0.13823579579440493,0.13002340482703764,0.0,0.048923021313950515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332035992637928,0.19668171701952766,0.0,0.0,0.0517575635017457,0.1073944396898013,0.0,0.11267516731300672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017922734394422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599715295159818,0.0740730397579171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546894290625597,0.04648711926919182,0.13504241020540844,0.04252063713326439,0.05087835343283688,0.0,0.09206944942179836,0.0,0.0,0.049542699679941175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895427491081043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03872607768693277,0.0,0.0,0.07761094692315931,0.08866445500780305,0.2032077758071521,0.0,0.0,0.04028294115695099,0.0,0.19493002624500164,0.0,0.0,0.0749791797445134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777951394554565,0.0,0.0,0.050909030926090434,0.0,0.05326698379347771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04256361976954585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176173737580266,0.062406575661560326,0.14353466178778287,0.11598074030389567,0.08518742807514154,0.0,0.0,0.046532393267046605,0.0,0.1653114793733497,0.0,0.04757022315393788,0.0,0.0,0.04205886456883196,0.0,0.0,0.11489180645355115,0.07730736034261702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776998396917124,0.0,0.03545224199276334,0.0,0.0,0.10377957500365458,0.0,0.0,0.03135948901952803
suicidewatch,wearealmostthere,2018/03/12,"I'm going to kill myself in 365 days I'll give it one last real good chance. I've had suicidal ideation as long as I can remember. The first time it happened was when my grandmother died. She was in palliative care at home, and everyone around her was so angry and stressed. She died, and everyone was calmer. Sad, but better. My mom explained it away as finally being able to go to sleep, and not having to wake up. I remember thinking ""why can't I do that?""

Cue ""i wish i could sleep forever"" becoming the most often repeated phrase in my head. 

It's been over 25 years since she died, and I've done what I was supposed to do. Grow up, get a job, treat people well, try to do good. And yet still, every day, I just want it to all stop. This life is a gift all right. A gift I didn't ask for, a gift I didn't want, and a gift that I feel so shameful and guilty about wasting that I've spent the better part of a quarter century struggling through, one day at a time.

So this is my last go. I can't keep the mask on forever, and to try and alleviate the shame and guilt I'll do a good last attempt. Here's the list:

* 365 days sober

*  \>20 minutes of elevated heart rate cardio per day. Weightlifting every other day

* Reinstate my 2 hour per day vipassana sittings
* Reconnect with doctor, and change antidepressants plus find a new therapist. Obviously this one isn't helping.
* Daily journaling. I'll post it here, as accountability, as if you all can help.

I'm even thinking about getting baptised, because what else do I have to lose at this point?

> Cut me down like the trees
Like the lumber or weeds
Drag me out of the sea
And then teach me to breathe
Give me forced health
Til I wish death on myself
Give me forced health
Til I wish death on myself
Ah-hah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha",1.487847490347491,3.661128365384617,2.8670864270864267,92.02926492426495,81.28021978021978,6.352717552717554,22.200475200475196,7.534196372845213,0.8028535194535196,1391,45,305,22,37,451,195,364,0.18600000000000005,0.653,0.161,-0.9226,1,0,0,0,0,1,65.0,0,1,0,5,15,19,2,5,18,0,26,11,6,0,4,44,50,29,7,7,5,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,16,17,0,2,7,1,2,4,6,9,1,5,11,2,32,10,42,37,5,50,1,2,0,0,13,18,0,4,28,174,48,3,0.08313195815045439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400506775253002,0.07771715888122313,0.0,0.07810521121907299,0.0,0.0,0.05067647008557812,0.09181271643093376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704692267431027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847585717889639,0.0,0.08794258881890077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637410407413732,0.0,0.0,0.3752926497021588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588335431498985,0.0,0.0,0.08508908176967338,0.0,0.08507285598730008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944608377482543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490787432220495,0.0,0.14008452038742547,0.15887229710912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203401587672951,0.0,0.0,0.09106699669581074,0.0759811036871095,0.07071200113479599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868660339771461,0.23924324797206226,0.14173742278089185,0.2091814269826844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351331604493891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531737263287326,0.17673076817662758,0.0,0.09851177067306112,0.1114431984035592,0.0,0.08338813219046287,0.0,0.08186823312044532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824956409927508,0.07389150408687319,0.09197319466917156,0.0,0.0,0.2032909241018128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058718560545747416,0.08122815118981826,0.0,0.0,0.07356916695298986,0.0,0.09300339683899876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736314464964388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028936320972872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689970989442055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002380952675966,0.0,0.057633232491823574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785865710757017,0.0,0.07961743611241405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462236827703356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883446059554784,0.07099423803518576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687676148440077,0.0,0.16638399011284105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638928916488097,0.06950203941645526,0.09522737718777782,0.08690757254210495,0.0,0.09093286935380092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652261080779223,0.0,0.10653520412292636,0.0,0.0,0.0969498266540566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288228531821615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806676558380792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474561412407472,0.0,0.07501366188185057,0.0,0.28679294755735346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353425546058163
suicidewatch,Deeoopie,2018/03/12,"Nothing wrong with me so why I hate this. 
My life is honestly amazing I have caring parents a caring girlfriend and a reasonable job. But for almost 4 years now I have had multiple attempts at taking my own life never actually being able to pull it off out of fear for how badly I will hurt the people I know. I want nothing more than to do it but my uncle had taken his life and I see how badly it effects everyone. 

I've use multiple anti depressants over time and unfortunately they worked but the side effects made it unbearable I couldn't remember words I was saying as I said them and I lost all of my sleep. Now that I am back off them I can't focus on education I can't motivate myself in anyway and I can't stop letting everyone down. I'm sorry to rant here I just really needed a place to get it off my chest. 

I feel this final college year will finally push me over the edge and I hate how selfish I am for thinking that. 

I know I should love my life but I have never seen the point of it for almost 4 years no matter what I do.

Edit: just noticed how badly I wrote this I'll edit little bits soon Im in a state right now and can't really focus sorry for it being messy",1.8878555718475096,3.647668262096776,4.31765395894428,84.18511730205279,78.0725806451613,7.089736070381233,22.159824046920814,8.00094639256281,1.165001612903226,931,27,190,16,22,326,137,248,0.214,0.71,0.077,-0.9874,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,6,15,16,2,1,8,0,22,7,2,10,3,43,44,17,0,4,6,1,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,13,9,0,1,9,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,9,5,37,5,26,28,4,33,0,3,2,1,10,16,0,2,14,137,50,6,0.10885558996749667,0.0,0.10622735320064436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180062983901106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083703229430437,0.2726696121654876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884211089388558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219710576332588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375716013134637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803236223553512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249280236889122,0.055040657032081504,0.0,0.0,0.23849195598038164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687255290922776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149447173010068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653216046506748,0.0,0.1175827168779199,0.0,0.10802237634966147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964837085303907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131221593362893,0.3075516897451824,0.0,0.10910189853700984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882873539693205,0.0,0.09824641995165063,0.10300179124529957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071504065672665,0.16791228343437886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088997488506192,0.1239328106679874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087125046835813,0.0,0.0,0.07546675988645725,0.0,0.11373092278474255,0.0,0.10290371775540044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947135667972665,0.11192167635949406,0.0,0.0,0.12331216330411453,0.0929620790554035,0.10354659373836722,0.08656633428561238,0.0,0.0,0.08674381162335132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893420417272133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24370984166039614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100814744348824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184585641023437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975026665509529,0.0,0.0,0.06347456990351298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401627914327454,0.0,0.0,0.06420584731391453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822523854175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792481659601569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901649919266055,0.0,0.2102982929050773
suicidewatch,VillousVol,2018/03/12,Goodnight Tonight's the night. Goodnight and goodbye.,7.063749999999999,9.876537875000004,2.1950000000000003,86.45000000000002,107.75,1.6,54.0,3.1291,4.23505,45,4,5,0,2,11,7,8,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccount2788,2018/03/12,"I’m sorry Reddit I can’t take it anymore Don’t give me sympathy, don’t give me karma, don’t try to help. This is my goodbye to you wonderful human beings.",-1.6960784313725483,0.0762001764705893,2.23764705882353,89.11274509803923,106.05882352941177,4.619607843137255,17.43137254901961,6.42735559955562,0.33217254901960835,122,4,25,2,6,45,25,34,0.038,0.7020000000000001,0.26,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338785243664065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6554067191289716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289739260795517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38240433330152707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568481431920299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193070931566695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704613821427896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DunlinRover,2018/03/12,"I'm going to hang myself now This definitely isn't an impulsive action. I want to die, and I've wanted to die for a long time. There's nowhere for me to go, and there is nothing I can do about the situation I am in, and even if there were, I don't have the energy to do it. Life is  suffering, and I don't have the strength to endure it. Nothing helps. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm probably going to kill myself today if one more bad thing happens, and it will.",2.0275,3.3677583535353537,4.373623737373737,85.7471022727273,76.57575757575758,7.374242424242425,24.49621212121212,8.07648339933343,1.3295545454545454,363,12,79,6,8,127,59,99,0.269,0.6940000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,5,0,13,1,0,1,0,10,22,7,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,1,0,9,2,11,20,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845063345618983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533953982253626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861700180875329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228807589741611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172004434947525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645186994000301,0.19804802531693372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470182985028963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20583087773360784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314088621131295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464369061586967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418627105011408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.535544675074088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606869256939665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005876356120008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091220194786856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359982106305516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848415121441024,0.0,0.17634860654172232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946794943045514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KillLock,2018/03/12,"How does one cope with the feeling of utter and total failure...? I'm not one to speak out, this is very rare but it chokes me up.",-0.27833333333333243,1.6086087857142848,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,86.14285714285714,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-1.1908952380952376,98,2,24,0,3,32,27,28,0.132,0.826,0.041,-0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651810922601686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687781123425068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7204121122409006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386014891286157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stephcurry30abc,2018/03/12,Can’t deal with life’s shit anymore My parents hate me and each other I only have one real friend the rest are all fakes I don’t think I’ll be able to pursue the career I’ll actually enjoy I know it doesn’t sound as bad at a lot of the stuff in here but I just don’t want to live a bland boring life working at a shitty desk job with a wife who I only married out of the feeling I have to and end up exactly like my parents I know it doesn’t sound bad but why shouldn’t I end it? It just feels impossible to get out of bed anymore and go sit in a desk for 6 and a half hours with people I pretend to like but have no real connection with only to get home and have to listen to my parents fight for hours till I go to sleep and restart the process it just all feels pointless... the only thing that gives me joy anymore is fucking my girl friend who I don’t love basketball snow boarding and taking nature pics and I only get to board maybe once a month. I hate this.,3.6503135253372254,3.5548932511848363,4.888815165876778,88.92095880422897,71.46445497630332,7.44017499088589,25.709442216551214,6.67199483983844,0.7991163689391181,760,20,176,5,13,253,111,211,0.153,0.716,0.131,-0.6187,4,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,16,5,0,13,0,14,6,2,0,3,35,33,13,0,2,6,4,3,2,2,1,2,3,2,1,12,15,0,0,6,1,0,2,8,9,0,2,0,6,19,7,28,31,5,16,0,0,0,2,14,7,2,1,8,109,31,5,0.1083473366573448,0.0,0.10573137128635757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223543324987212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093100087521466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170134657813492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919271621702104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435100666149635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741776706855074,0.10016536685399204,0.16982103459616552,0.10393663803801532,0.12315257657544428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139411274614724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868121276916977,0.0,0.2134006033970557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751801336410803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908972539846485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305785618499845,0.1058660717108206,0.0,0.09567268328366207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211303108865,0.09778770149570447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884946254415392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648181042600545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538637746553468,0.07341895937012906,0.4120151592294387,0.0,0.0,0.3609206859454756,0.0,0.0,0.07511440103625781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24664597873353425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121698408569973,0.0,0.0,0.10842558380810728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403177859947632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146371317390506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198115611287406,0.06942459845631915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390606634319773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776661898308324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788781514970986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kialae,2018/03/12,"I think the universe has malicious gods and they all like to bring me despair Since transitioning publicly I've been unable to find work because my country  is full of trans-hating bigots and given an eviction notice. I would have had nowhere to put my belongings when I am.

I was offered a job and then told to wait a month before they'll bring me on, then at the end of the month told me they closed the position.

The day after I got my eviction notice, I got a job. I was saved. Turns out I wasn't - I spent the last of my money on office appropriate clothes and was fired after two days for 'not meeting expectations'.

Every despair I experience is tailed by a spot of hope, only for it to be cleverly, almost *intelligently* crushed with an even greater despair. I'm certain I'm a cosmic plaything and I don't want to be their toy any more. I'm out of options and don't want to know what fresh seed of hell they'll plant in me after this one.",4.3122795006041095,5.1506839895287975,5.2761256544502615,83.40398308497785,70.36125654450262,7.761739830849779,28.82843334675795,7.882392219407189,1.7244857833266205,746,27,152,9,13,245,115,191,0.135,0.769,0.096,-0.7694,6,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,5,1,2,9,1,0,13,0,18,0,0,0,2,25,36,9,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,3,1,2,3,4,4,0,2,12,1,24,5,26,19,4,23,1,3,0,0,10,8,1,3,13,99,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752497758710352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376851049703975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019834277604507,0.0,0.14235844309885373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157869929732392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817654533409014,0.0,0.0,0.1104988809394618,0.0,0.1409559460353385,0.0,0.0,0.1636497381515559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290752070829142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676073013912199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616485765281894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320352909162299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194271355234424,0.1363703591132896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173344823537047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670716486038301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38094021104489617,0.0,0.0,0.11336558763726888,0.12723781715847035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818089552107082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839079692920864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071979290908358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31972119226149065,0.0,0.0,0.1819723968694248,0.16342602856936084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197353621645868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121795079539744,0.0,0.0,0.11884383875027366,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MollySPrentiss,2018/03/12,"Why can't I just do it? Everything is fucking overwhelming and I want so badly to just fucking slice open my wrists and bleed out but I'm too damn cowardly to do it.
Everything is too fucking much for me to handle",1.1677272727272765,3.55461122727273,3.1283636363636376,88.30754545454548,84.45454545454547,7.156363636363636,24.70909090909091,8.238735603445708,1.8177236363636369,170,7,35,4,5,57,31,44,0.202,0.77,0.027000000000000003,-0.8467,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,4,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,8,10,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,10,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287547714098899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924558641868114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7598467533048912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140058725241008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615954980332622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472166789417975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joefred12,2018/03/12,"Don't know why I'm here Title. I don't know why I'm here. In multiple senses. Why am I on this Reddit? Probably in the wrong place anyways, as I can't ever do anything right. I really don't care if I die. I just haven't found a practical way of dying yet. I'm not sure why I should be wanting help or whatever, because as I've said, I don't care if I die. There seriously is no point in living, right? Should I want happiness? I can see why I would, but that means going through far more pain first. But if I died, it would just be over, right? I'll just be gone.
And the only reason I'm hesitating is because I can't find a good way to go. So as I think, I wonder if maybe I'm missing something. Is that it? Does somebody have some profound knowledge to share with me?
I'm not really expecting anything. I'm just, well, bored I guess.",-0.3191190476190471,1.7514810722222265,2.3717460317460315,93.32500000000002,88.27777777777777,5.650793650793651,19.682539682539684,7.07126945348624,0.3674206349206353,643,20,149,10,21,223,100,180,0.189,0.725,0.086,-0.9578,0,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,4,0,21,1,0,1,2,35,45,12,4,11,13,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,9,0,0,3,10,5,1,1,3,2,18,7,13,35,2,19,0,1,1,0,3,11,0,8,3,87,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775514409608497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152480811272588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199808880063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44784797939343934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440616666847572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758327620224598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860000179337867,0.09176233432217362,0.0,0.11828441531870475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262092776764767,0.09048429181624427,0.0,0.0,0.11884154401969428,0.0,0.0,0.1148398423061225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723094231935657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857561589065335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525966498213023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837956017913558,0.11751251253027073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204729853637915,0.11479150256956845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271122305189875,0.0,0.10198109362702316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631245706881845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822087086932966,0.11091819814364233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763857719051448,0.10261820565017997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859660755479517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305098811411209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167524815054498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912489295256585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726036860760628,0.17125961331733247,0.0,0.0,0.09699671798701832,0.0,0.4867228058792458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699082649667902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532691480396697,0.11794940952646255,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,underwaterpuggo,2018/03/12,"Does therapy help with suicidal thoughts? My mother has been having suicidal thoughts for at least the past 11 years. I'm hoping the thoughts are on and off, but I guess I would not really know because she doesn't talk about the thoughts everyday. There are 4 of us children; I am the oldest. My sister (second oldest one) and I were very shaken by her first three suicide threats when we were kids, but after the three times we got desensitized and stopped taking her threats as seriously after  that, except once or twice after that when it felt more serious. I never knew that she was actually close to taking her own life until a few days ago. In the aftermath of a small fight when she got really angry, she said that she can't take it and just wants to jump. Then for the first time, she told me that she had actually opened window grills or a rooftop door, and contemplated jumping before stopping herself. I started crying sometime in this conversation and she kept talking with a nonchalant and amused expression. She said that life and death was natural and asked why I was crying with an amused expression. I replied that taking her life is not natural, and that talking about her own suicide to someone that loved her and expecting them to not cry is not natural. She said that she plans to do it when all her kids are older and independent. My youngest sibling is 11, so I'm guessing that's at least another 5-7 years. She also said that she's already told my father. They love each other very much and have a good relationship. In her religion, there is a heavy punishment for suicide, and she says that one day when she is courageous enough to face that punishment, she will go. How do I go about preventing a suicide that far ahead in the future? Would therapy actually help? I live in a country with good access to mental health specialists, and I trust that we would be able to find a good therapist eventually and might even be able to get subsidized rates. But my biggest worry is that my mother will pay lip service to the therapist for these 5-7 years and tell us that she is getting better, and one day when we aren't paying attention she would just take her own life. Is there anything that can actually help? ",7.5855103299414095,7.333066780141845,7.315942028985507,75.36782608695655,63.23167848699765,10.855339706033508,34.46695446602939,10.374825546531014,3.4265272689896182,1780,68,330,37,23,564,206,423,0.17,0.6970000000000001,0.133,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,1,4,39.0,6,0,2,5,18,18,5,0,19,0,37,9,2,2,2,68,72,35,7,7,12,4,1,0,0,7,5,5,2,3,25,29,0,4,9,2,2,4,8,7,0,9,22,6,54,11,40,41,11,52,0,0,0,2,65,14,0,6,34,239,79,3,0.13277129245629207,0.0,0.25913125789629915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884686990056221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325821139642706,0.053088577304175016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961113834133549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462973042212295,0.0,0.062061617819804675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046807377138663,0.0,0.05648929540627061,0.0,0.0,0.05871270931647692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876454545546656,0.12843974960900265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058094526379226026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859411855549663,0.0,0.043847093235749535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374063103855128,0.0,0.0606752779751401,0.11293519353707585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936752037540468,0.0,0.07545698521854614,0.16704339123155065,0.10618933146568836,0.0,0.14626254740847328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056483760774954,0.0,0.0,0.13349069795208476,0.0,0.0,0.0659359257221785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036483815032354164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875605807509614,0.0,0.0,0.05861974186087297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198312751791544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690111732734119,0.07042467981138031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880108840804147,0.0,0.05120070291642004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069854663986372,0.13495389587466006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337261101720998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505668975074712,0.0,0.0,0.07127333991447438,0.0,0.0,0.2525918068919502,0.05279253040535654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056248342619543534,0.0,0.06565710159621513,0.0,0.046988102085327735,0.0,0.0,0.11100274559839036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356907328832352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24956872083977594,0.16007480338379432,0.05802398086920114,0.0,0.1518355440566444,0.15415770388822714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081115102602516,0.07742000834971438,0.0,0.0,0.12686865973072595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970751712685885,0.0,0.0,0.10955022121105223,0.03915597413814567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990272009416245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674178461806349,0.0,0.18863383353293936,0.0,0.0,0.12825053889605542
suicidewatch,Bogiking,2018/03/12,WHY IS LIFE SO FKING HARD? WHY? WHY? Why why why why why I cant Stand it anymore Why?,-4.593499999999999,-4.676093349999997,-1.049999999999999,109.71500000000002,132.5,1.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.5007,63,1,18,0,5,22,12,20,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.6209,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005590680923148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844319624379337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550606211554404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9831151335271652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway173927,2018/03/12,"I'm slowly losing my mind, it's hard to stay focused and function properly. Whenever something is going good in my life, it abruptly ends, and I'm left with nothing and the sadness afterwards. I used to love my job and all I want to do is quit and stay home. I feel like being inside my house is the only way I'm going to survive. Everything in the outside world just takes more of my soul away. My home is my only safe space. And I'm never here. My best friend killed herself in 2016. I vowed I'd never do the same and inflict that pain onto others. But I'm starting to realize that these feelings she likely also felt, they aren't things you can control. They just, linger. I want to die. But I cannot come to kill myself. But I want to die. I feel like living is a punishment at this point. I want it to end. ",1.4371079881656783,3.3517965976331365,3.1920968934911222,90.98980214497044,80.06508875739645,5.645118343195268,21.805103550295854,6.6274283507984215,0.4434168639053255,631,19,134,6,16,210,101,169,0.14,0.6890000000000001,0.172,0.2444,2,0,1,0,0,4,21.0,0,1,2,5,4,14,3,0,5,0,11,3,0,2,3,31,31,11,4,4,5,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,9,9,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,1,5,23,8,17,29,4,23,1,2,0,1,7,10,0,0,10,85,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890462125606267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116198811294968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979160306418736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653696647389796,0.0,0.0,0.13871450904775878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256714838594863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190825998803813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115310283439456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760474247217912,0.2650650735620861,0.11874951810009356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955527067164627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405772187377437,0.10373457707875916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079048871514054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481166540722005,0.0,0.0,0.1427068967105638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273054858640775,0.0,0.2736610201739947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343756520374067,0.0,0.08735687196632662,0.1812673149068948,0.0,0.10920924351879092,0.0,0.0,0.13836316412709276,0.0,0.0,0.11162351194984116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487872708249473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077497974670585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867161991053365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812418472391726,0.13160127279850914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691494076024132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154593802992645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521275964104753,0.0,0.0,0.08753936677683526,0.26364690310583405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298987113778584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216564370195087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681740122025273,0.0,0.0,0.29179209454843874,0.09816921369193904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vomvomsmash,2018/03/12,I'm in the hospital from a suicide attempt Title says it all. I'm $30k in debt and I have a court date in about a month and I'll probably go to prison. I have bipolar disorder and I'm transgender and over the corse of my life I've had 4 of my closest friends die. I hate being alive. I can't even kill myself right.,-1.100062597809078,0.9039520140845101,1.779624413145541,96.35453834115809,92.2394366197183,5.40907668231612,20.56494522691706,6.937597516519254,0.41486729264475786,247,9,60,4,9,86,50,71,0.267,0.61,0.123,-0.9034,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,10,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,9,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157732707263847,0.0,0.34870768729230056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200960495912016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350700948318317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729176560007545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003932139424912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366179995034796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490744619376256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428569886462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280431457530524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598359062076638,0.0,0.2419593251864801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33281045288348304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Professor_LurkKing,2018/03/12,"I feel like I’m not a good person. Externally I’ve always struggled with just trying to be nice. I can’t keep shit to myself or not say some rude comment, it’s led me to be ostracized almost entirely even though I care a lot, or I think I do. My closest friends are nothing but amazing for me and I love them a lot, they mean the world to me. But now I’m completely alone. I have no one and I can’t speak to them. I’m living in fear of anything and everything I say or do. I don’t know how I’m going to get past my current situation that’s led me to be so alone. I just want to be with my friends, I just want to have a supportive and loving home, I just want to not have these terrible thoughts in my head anymore. I want to be able to walk into my room without having an episode and being denied the ability to use my own body or feel my own feelings. I’m suffering so much and everyday the whole suicide thing sounds better. I wonder if she knew that it would be like this for me.",2.6548742138364787,3.350878386792456,4.449358490566038,88.33589308176101,74.09433962264151,7.728805031446543,26.39748427672956,8.021203637495839,1.368046163522012,766,26,176,11,15,261,116,212,0.156,0.642,0.202,0.7964,1,2,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,3,1,10,18,2,2,8,0,18,5,3,4,0,47,44,17,1,6,15,0,3,2,2,1,0,4,2,1,7,9,0,1,9,0,0,4,8,6,0,1,2,7,32,12,22,34,7,14,0,1,0,2,13,6,1,10,6,122,39,0,0.13004918132906942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022546953574102,0.2693834621518727,0.0,0.0,0.1082113368884897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897384262097125,0.0,0.0,0.10701939532544123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501793255093977,0.0,0.14445532296729802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325938076885738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635409233431234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589625774480995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687981855894737,0.0,0.0,0.1463414848197909,0.1972703208619861,0.0929071611265423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200951349787793,0.0,0.06794532966242435,0.0,0.07390994673386997,0.10907908315720707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346797923334702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044993243516714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155936877642154,0.0,0.0,0.07147162897854283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270709219189973,0.0,0.11483580972502062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112632672648144,0.2347489272170437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166168369127408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560111192745367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478569693105855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812469096784427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414665895019165,0.0,0.11355392890577795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068406575696103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334936157773372,0.0,0.14618072866097362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595564102967886,0.0,0.14225269653774414,0.1475782698197044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639889740164305,0.08333026423987913,0.12777266036005172,0.10324452334076127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829485746997409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232073739014152,0.0,0.0,0.3068255064239521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519526662989365,0.0,0.12536276998536486,0.14103278962471427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923832071228744,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uselessandbroken_,2018/03/12,"i just thought someone should know im c. im 21 years old. im a mother, an animal lover, an old soul, a writer, an artist, a hopeless romantic, a sapiosexual. i am also extremely suicidal. i cant tell anyone else, they wouldnt understand that the fact that im still here means i always will be because i put their happiness over my hopelessness and pain. im c. im 21 years old. and im tired. i wish someone would notice me so i dont have to carry this pain alone. i wish i could escape it.  

i just thought someone should know. ",0.15166320166320446,2.346444360360362,2.835495495495497,89.94143451143452,87.37837837837839,6.298267498267497,21.151074151074152,7.61054688173877,0.9317298683298688,408,14,90,8,13,142,66,111,0.204,0.6459999999999999,0.15,-0.8016,0,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,0,8,0,11,4,0,0,1,18,19,4,1,7,2,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,14,2,2,10,0,8,1,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006399730073865,0.0,0.07770770798487138,0.08085415442029653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679443050704371,0.09956329357734564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059234611643846774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758323086435115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388382664318154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117400039191985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344046203684344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7347303748704243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068054104544738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058478342284654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062996192759922,0.3058942273058389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679384132290146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768381246711072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469983189341604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760098038304214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062894316185994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493184015215742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428602719964662,0.0,0.11168390573122024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011585607969802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348398039650272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690275742758119,0.0,0.0,0.12515002826735894
suicidewatch,AliveExit,2018/03/12,"I won't have a safe-space for much longer Soon, the last safe place for me will be taken away - my apartment. Then I will officially be homeless. I have not left my house in half a year because of my social anxiety. My mum gave up on me and is kicking me out in a little while. I am not made for this world, it's literally not possible for me to interact with people and not feel like a disgusting piece of shit. The preparations are made, I will not live much longer. I honestly really look forward to it, I will never have to embarrass myself again. Life was worth a try, but it isn't for me.",3.9926229508196727,4.477171991803278,5.349303278688523,83.87264344262297,70.88524590163935,9.378688524590164,26.72540983606557,9.516144504307137,2.042095081967213,461,14,101,10,8,155,77,122,0.046,0.875,0.078,0.3668,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,7,0,15,2,1,2,1,15,21,5,0,0,6,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,3,0,1,5,2,17,3,17,9,3,19,0,0,1,0,4,12,1,0,9,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472069592206087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023020520491195,0.0,0.0,0.13125825702158506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887324334705993,0.15382603806516731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845261086899784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551612099823494,0.0,0.0,0.23394791951527516,0.0,0.15208825514160298,0.10519542430891972,0.2158091525346914,0.19013321926762392,0.0,0.18081620068349769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074856547186996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165728045956519,0.0,0.1660695554983665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927712270846194,0.0,0.22496559997842547,0.0,0.0,0.2427431363790219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794074938899964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102487873946008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194936032765714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146189464207561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866027074967796
suicidewatch,EddieHaskellIsGod,2018/03/12,Gonna do it My parents are going out of town tomorrow. My brother will be at school. I'm gonna do it.,-3.1225000000000023,-1.622501583333328,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,106.5,4.066666666666666,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.16929999999999978,78,3,20,1,4,29,19,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538094064192129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6912678955363718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6300536489299939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,p00p9oo9,2018/03/12,I want pain to leave me I just want to make it end so my internal suffering can end and I just want help to stop what I feel but somethings just make me stop. I hate the pain I suffer in silence the smile as just an illusion from the pain I am afraid of abandonment or publicity I just want the pain inside to end .  They say they are friends they say they will always have my back but always end up betraying. I feel trust in no one. They say one thing and always do another . I just want help but my shyness always interrupts. I feel like my pain won’t stop unless I make it. That is why I say this.,0.4895238095238099,2.6578360476190497,2.248571428571431,94.97142857142859,85.34920634920636,6.139682539682537,18.52380952380953,7.447530270364453,0.2907523809523811,466,12,108,8,14,153,65,126,0.345,0.4970000000000001,0.159,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,0,8,13,1,1,5,0,8,5,0,3,0,28,20,9,0,5,11,0,3,1,1,2,5,4,0,0,6,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,10,0,2,0,7,24,3,11,18,0,11,0,3,0,0,13,3,0,1,9,71,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433488519940209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817203922117503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932351431088379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36547583397785405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648207514119458,0.07369737781655422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970100134631403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184893984911968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829167150166072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092313272969884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050398664799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657989167075588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980749312485224,0.0,0.5488464733717229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32814723652937433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941744975215838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25873862222269833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853478362200782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042315979265991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308566907363833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fatal-Export,2018/03/12,"dont know what to do anymore My best (and only) friend has left me and I've tried so hard to put things right but she just won't listen to me, she's the reason I've made it this far and without her I just don't know what to do, there's no point anymore",0.1966101694915281,1.3245222203389844,2.0120000000000005,101.65461016949152,81.03389830508475,4.7200000000000015,16.884745762711866,3.1291,-1.1800061016949153,197,3,53,0,5,65,40,59,0.076,0.84,0.084,0.1197,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,11,10,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783531733587258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530938306837416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826503313544715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863279288037588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604162773435828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26508228205216183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26203273341152583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820160177777185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342122846146444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798431888185003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244322284941394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479637053890115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595850895945492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160223134811255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637391133105267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324800037933757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TasteOfWindex,2018/03/12,"I'm not good at titles. I've been struggling with depression for so long. I feel like I'll never get over it. I feel trapped inside my own body. I push my friends away so I don't have to feel guilty. I've pushed away almost everyone that I've ever cared about. And then I just hate myself for doing that. Almost everyone who's ""close"" to me, really doesn't actually care about me. I feel alone. I drank some Windex about 5 minutes ago. Not enough to die, just enough to feel pain. And I didn't do it to feel pain. I did it because I was too scared to drink enough to kill me. Now I just feel like a burden and a weight on peoples shoulders. I feel like they spend too much time worrying about me and I'm not worth that. I just want the very few people who actually seem to care to be happy. I feel like I take that away from them.",0.4358971291866034,2.5200239772727286,1.968086124401914,97.45107655502392,84.79545454545453,5.2961722488038285,16.64952153110048,6.5966054737557815,-0.4412568181818184,644,13,153,7,19,208,96,176,0.244,0.628,0.128,-0.9707,0,2,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,2,0,16,18,2,2,3,0,10,7,2,0,2,29,30,7,2,1,7,0,10,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,10,1,2,2,7,8,0,0,5,10,24,10,23,24,7,16,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,4,11,95,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1959633167672828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900375740623179,0.0,0.2010839770618744,0.10399021427472876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28300389757601685,0.0,0.0,0.061206494529483485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152830146659423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071114691947197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647944016507997,0.0,0.10420545482678628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835954072065893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112383529178701,0.0,0.0,0.09082286979537428,0.0,0.1918842485965328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569140831277229,0.2869199323827525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757333637447755,0.0,0.052457929927258326,0.0,0.0,0.08421569119201451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688392981880863,0.0,0.09913002267022436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110842335085966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962129715445413,0.0,0.0,0.08885604713672239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380987707874496,0.0,0.07743920703177548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367787795694707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921759440901313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432257988525822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005238051370418,0.0,0.0,0.09140574518032524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496602968569516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549272857958683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854747799832074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284536908202121,0.05922199140047904,0.0,0.0,0.12226731636398035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196704831457064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thegoldenmonkey3,2018/03/12,Wanting to stop pretending. I'm done. I have no idea how to start this off. I have no idea where to begin. I'm 26 and I feel like my dream is shattered and I should kill myself. I grew up practically getting screamed at in life. It all started when I played basketball in second grade at one of those rec centers. After either the basketball game or practice my dad would scream in my face about how I was not good enough. I would cry in the back seat of the car because he would not stop yelling in my face that I was soft. This was in second grade! However it carried on throughout my life. I'm a slower learner I was always a slow learner and when I would ask for help with my homework from my peers say my grandma she would constantly scream at me because I did not get it among other members of my family. They convinced me to play basketball for my middle school because my cousin was apart of the team but they only ever cared about him. They would boast him up and tell me I was stupid. So I never tried in school like I should had. My parents got divorced and I quit sports all together in High school. However when 18 came around was when I pursued a job. I worked at a preztal place in the mall but quit because my dad told me it was not good enough. He told me I needed a mans job a factory job which spiraled me into depression even more. So Ive just up and quit quite a few jobs because I thought they were not good enough. I worked in a call center for two years but purposely walked out and got fired because I'm 25 and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Im always so stressed I feel like I was robbed of child hood and a life. So I got a new job at Walmart the first days have gone well. I'am a hard worker I will work and save my money. However I should be sleeping because I have a 9-5 but I feel like not even going in and instead finding a gun to kill myself with or jumping in front of a semi. Whats it matter? I'm worthless. I never got to do what I wanted to do in life I was forced to play sports and finally I have cracked under the pressure. I remember one time in 6th grade when I was placed in JFL my dad screaming in my face because I was not doing tackling drills properly. I seriously hate this life. My mom also told me she wanted nothing to do with me when my parents got divorced and its a rare occurence I hear from her. I have no issue with my jobs but ive gotten to a point where I really do not want to go in and work a 9-5 I never asked for that life I only ever did it to pay bills. I just feel robbed of everything. I have so much pressure in my shoulders and as I try to sleep in my mind I constantly repeat the words kill me let me go to another life where I'm happy and have a normal family life where I'm loved. Why was I put on this hell hole. I dont wanna be here. ,1.7368755328218268,3.277927382943144,3.3284261263033663,92.08379467506069,77.84615384615384,6.228657616892911,22.92950357400485,6.965498970235437,0.5815889173060533,2197,67,494,23,51,727,251,598,0.17600000000000002,0.75,0.075,-0.9964,12,0,0,1,3,3,38.0,0,0,4,11,31,33,7,3,27,0,50,15,6,2,7,83,93,38,3,16,18,7,7,4,0,10,8,7,1,2,19,24,0,2,10,10,3,11,16,17,1,6,30,14,92,16,71,50,9,86,2,2,0,1,35,47,2,2,32,338,111,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469877367189153,0.09301732460230623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058610207237883315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975791326167285,0.10450753625378163,0.0,0.0,0.04297938400784082,0.0,0.2725819168339049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057074485634542114,0.063928363496497,0.05698811975095255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080409311418545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139743174708081,0.03604729799251771,0.0,0.04814181025259783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719943130508313,0.06550788234551387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732617336664199,0.0,0.07383551777948896,0.10111946506450337,0.0,0.0,0.050234330038633375,0.0,0.10538463115189634,0.0,0.11304765900778915,0.11979302464341318,0.0,0.0612296408908603,0.05108651720219681,0.04754379295739791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058405089209212925,0.0,0.09529831676187556,0.14064484522279935,0.22351949960716852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950068430793142,0.0500704508766597,0.05518420022858446,0.0,0.0,0.06299711053691344,0.0,0.0374648734753582,0.05905555815119198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929410098346755,0.060375600508714586,0.0583392868386566,0.3327997182065737,0.0,0.1855167915547704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715586490424565,0.3158392397942991,0.10922882510761163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044692587407068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643746356242359,0.06546290752088482,0.0,0.0,0.04108885407108976,0.041445028479779024,0.12932774323881727,0.0539832107685362,0.0,0.0,0.0547646961812277,0.05363223489754302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575105548950864,0.08502050003723198,0.0,0.0,0.1241283502377849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679561319659405,0.0,0.05283832453465151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618936316748585,0.0,0.2378025227449489,0.0,0.0,0.035807417692373805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331751899596266,0.0,0.0,0.04444951226767771,0.0,0.16970451074317613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186963811519172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912476269047146,0.0,0.0,0.09346053057765412,0.06402690678009768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885421535322663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044373952014354484,0.03259250489113867,0.0,0.0,0.16022863472687093,0.0,0.07589732882112231,0.0,0.054600758557343115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187198563452704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502558256782223,0.0,0.05043604978295519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276730921352695,0.0,0.0,0.23823489327016764,0.0,0.0,0.035994195000852366
suicidewatch,iwanttofuckkusanagi,2018/03/12,"I want to die. I've wanted to die since I was 14. I don't know what it's like anymore, to want to actually live the life you've been given, and to feel freedom and happiness. I don't know anything but the drowning depression. 

I want to die so bad. My mother is alone, what if she finds my body? 

What do I do? I can't stop myself. I can't be like this anymore. My life is so so hard. Why is it so hard? Why am I so tired? I can't battle this anymore. I want to be gone. ",-2.069973297730307,-0.27402378504672953,1.1757610146862485,100.24572429906544,95.26168224299064,4.178638184245661,16.05407209612817,5.773587663045528,-0.8058058744993324,353,9,93,3,14,125,53,107,0.285,0.55,0.16399999999999998,-0.9724,0,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,0,15,4,1,0,0,14,25,9,4,6,2,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,3,16,3,7,19,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.13947690404244634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803008417105282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252378811944177,0.0,0.0,0.11761739173898365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933873334068935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876055231445535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310349484310365,0.0,0.4450094373785897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226858438990329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130633409378564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152149288641827,0.2560704493223389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570987494038695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190824785805173,0.1396545958471466,0.0,0.1262078558472312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823134366273667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949403110967485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642744674099927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215125640875185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579401963401449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreedomX10A,2018/03/12,"I am a person who has BPD and looking for a DBT around Los Angeles County and area of San Gabriel valley. 

DBT dialectical behavioral therapy is the only way out for me.
I currently have a Medicare card.
However, I need to work. I do not have time to do DBT, but I have to do DBT because BPD is really an issue for me. ",2.654090909090911,3.7844550151515186,5.470121212121214,79.35518181818183,74.6060606060606,9.522424242424243,28.35151515151515,9.888512548439397,2.8226460606060604,245,10,51,7,5,89,45,66,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,9,12,0,6,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23448927244480824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605712819583501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635071777815849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492987605416397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211966683194108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531394983486108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033391565056616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999800631114944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687461304628232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301230398236268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535955239699298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090812832396344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176441199694666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Haste_Muerte91,2018/03/12,I almost did it I thought about hanging myself today. I was so close to doing it. I even researched on how to do it effectively. The only thing that held me back was the sadness that my parents and nephew would endure. When will it end? I just don’t feel like living. ,0.6565873015873009,3.121008944444448,2.27783068783069,92.47166666666668,89.18518518518519,3.8264550264550254,18.825396825396822,5.288315135182226,-0.32906031746031683,209,6,42,1,7,68,42,54,0.054000000000000006,0.8440000000000001,0.101,0.3612,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,10,11,4,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,8,1,4,4,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,36,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359337976237949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25796267303823955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29713485302198483,0.0,0.0,0.22158074122333493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962828209127315,0.2396662924307541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638981127116985,0.0,0.296234137620383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551469263571923,0.0,0.0,0.3725097714444235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287736660205876,0.0,0.0,0.2663328835239981,0.0,0.0,0.3179949023543525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383146838793713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beisdlnxsjw,2018/03/12,"Sad And alone I don’t know how to continue on I’m 22 never had a girlfriend never been on a date im a sad loner only people I have is family I don’t have really any real life friends except 2 people who I don’t see often because their at college no one from work  looks up to me I’m lazy unwilling to work I don’t have any desire in life I hate work I hate living sometimes i don’t want to get married ever or have kids I don’t feel like there is any point to live I live with guilt every day about what I did when I was 16 iv had random people on the internet tell me to kill myself but they don’t understand I’m lost 
No one would want to be around me I’m sometimes sexist  and very racist toward Asians I dont fit in I don’t belong ",-0.4612308715901498,1.3959785688622757,2.4427045908183658,94.07434298070528,86.66467065868264,5.148236859614107,15.864604125083167,6.42735559955562,-0.4372286094477711,579,11,136,6,18,204,97,167,0.215,0.733,0.052000000000000005,-0.9745,0,1,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,2,4,7,9,3,1,4,0,22,3,0,1,3,21,37,6,1,4,3,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,13,7,0,2,6,3,20,2,20,29,0,18,0,3,2,0,7,11,0,3,8,83,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909384729581434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739849297381419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955508651444155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186776864508273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661210946374043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573980906315135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148164584901155,0.11315317628149962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266056780596781,0.0,0.0679058956002375,0.09594363647414472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375951121124438,0.0,0.07016597999769468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651860337415152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506657673163964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858257116191162,0.0,0.07380752899760315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189719509737502,0.0656119840021014,0.0,0.35576693062868125,0.0,0.11277781086492047,0.0,0.14660384042052846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071602085390516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200972265419305,0.10214087138258153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793192266119369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695649891500338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528623075299509,0.0860357406380223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701936593214396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265651408750086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738373979700535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981058408200095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081120657965966,0.15842672670430458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293315049694849,0.0,0.0,0.0954025581347838,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMatheMusician,2018/03/12,"Not sad, but so irritated with my life and over all of the bullshit so much so that I'm contemplating suicide. I don't even know if theres anything that anyone can do. I can't open up worth shit. I've tried different meds and therapists and nothing fucking helps at all. I'm totally numb. Life fucking sucks and nothing ever changes.",3.12409090909091,5.2961132272727305,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,75.81818181818181,7.4303030303030315,30.696969696969692,8.344100000000001,2.4084424242424243,267,13,52,5,6,87,49,66,0.395,0.584,0.021,-0.9876,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,4,14,10,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,10,4,5,0,1,0,2,1,4,4,1,1,32,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514173199505646,0.0,0.18258607145602565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347167104632042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23181450192328015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654783094883278,0.2007006751976191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102438843997555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871964359980153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193793392376348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31343692651154303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464556059329575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310530816008045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257944105787309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277538085047448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426976991961976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25761658825827016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064008823996616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dreameater9999,2018/03/12,"Do you think it's like a dream? Recently I've been having the strangest dreams. Every night I dream that theres... someone with me. Someone who loves me and who I love. Through my unconscious mind I have come to know a warmth and fulfillment I could never have imagined before. When I wake up I feel as though there's a void within me; one that has always been there but is now made known with a vengeance. Imagine having a wound heal only to have the stitches ripped out over and over, every day a slap in the face.


I tried once before. It didn't work and I felt a little better for a while. I know now that this is the right choice. Not everyone can have a good life, ya know? Goodnight.


Think death is like a dream? I hope so. It's my best shot right now.",1.31175,3.4884589612903265,1.9674798387096784,98.21121975806456,81.96774193548387,4.907258064516129,18.074596774193548,5.985473137389443,-0.4739596774193546,589,13,133,4,16,181,96,155,0.034,0.72,0.247,0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,3,9,8,0,0,14,0,16,7,2,1,1,25,28,10,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,10,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,2,17,8,13,22,1,19,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,11,88,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454475558980222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751842669265039,0.0,0.16969089733817455,0.143007748249681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928754259782322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910179952226433,0.0,0.0,0.10428110932693532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724731869379287,0.15450829609777908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175879985923172,0.0,0.15525436013695978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562366943557472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606014843474571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266593125887513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421128672931995,0.1579938537288406,0.16206275084162558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918754905498723,0.15300149543378985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632677519715802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471060044955645,0.0,0.0,0.1517415661609457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722018976333392,0.10956998913998857,0.12297776190123325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965615956297258,0.0,0.0,0.2761765002753776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740104796540212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072176605107767,0.15886636145080812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097815659589888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771725283313933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moaka8,2018/03/12,"My mom is a huge narcissist, my relationship is a mess, i have no friends, and im a mess too The title says it all. I'm 14 and I just kind of want to die. I just feel so lonely all of the time. I'm in constant fear of my mom killing herself, becoming a psycho or a pedophile or a murderer or something like that.. It's just so overwhelming and there is no one to talk to at all. The only thing stopping me is how much I love my family and the small hope that MAYBE POSSIBLY things might just get better one day !! but other than that im just so done.",0.7213598166539334,2.364884176470589,3.0072421695951133,92.77051184110009,81.18487394957984,6.680213903743317,21.742551566080976,7.686295010490155,0.7135478991596647,423,13,101,7,11,145,72,119,0.171,0.723,0.106,-0.7783,0,2,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,2,2,10,0,7,1,0,1,3,22,14,12,3,2,9,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,1,2,10,6,9,12,4,8,0,2,0,1,8,4,0,5,5,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399427521560852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734229098045534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003312886271033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074418536217198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290230237034993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704874780573566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705365928607493,0.1874689377613347,0.08423689643752295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287131128019321,0.0,0.08704051891604005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546929049817313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35990860860235424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431587638677807,0.1734860606090502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139131149941121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036109576237022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736996790954328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767340288972453,0.0,0.3902348591548255,0.0,0.0,0.12246861458261245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22578207712777604,0.12670519884377726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878140837128957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886378113163076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248532501969942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825519122369322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928329174376533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390506946676345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213604643902875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714456657488643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826374906304587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoreFunInAFort,2018/03/12,"I was right. It should have ended a long time ago. Every day that goes by, it just seems to re-affirm my suspicions.

I should have killed myself a long time ago.

A short while after that.

That time after that.

With each revolution of the hand, I find ways to ruin the memory of that person people were so attracted to.

Driving away friends, family, lovers, I fall deeper into that lonely abyss...

I'm nothing like the person I used to be. A bit more self-aware, sure, but so bitter, so angry, and just as depressed as before. Those fleeting periods of joy punctuate a smog of sadness and frustration.

I tried to seek help, sure.

Time and time again I have. Not even so much as a damn dent to show for it.

At least if I'd done it at any point prior to this, I'd have people to mourn my passing. My death would have had meaning, impact. I'd have left a legacy that wouldn't feel so shameful. People would still love me, they'd call themselves my friend, they'd mourn my passing. Now they'd be glad to have me gone, or worse - not care at all.

It's gotten so much worse. I've truly driven them all away this time. 

And I'm so bitterly aware of my emotions swinging even more violently across the spectrum. 

The bouts of anger are worse, I'm spiteful and disgusted by the world around me. I feel that sickening response growing harder to ignore. I just know it will end violently.

I hope so damned much that I find the courage this time to use that momentum to act and stop this dumbfuck from doing any more harm.",2.6162343614517525,4.633872806020072,3.488755109624673,89.77407902886164,76.79264214046823,6.302539328626286,21.441967050662704,7.2427474758485975,0.5916353524092655,1175,31,241,14,27,374,162,299,0.313,0.5589999999999999,0.128,-0.9977,0,2,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,4,1,17,34,11,2,14,0,24,3,1,2,4,39,40,21,4,7,8,0,3,1,3,6,0,0,0,2,21,10,0,2,7,1,0,8,3,21,0,0,7,5,25,13,36,22,11,45,0,6,0,2,12,13,2,4,24,155,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361905711208326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408637954168624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220023486644592,0.0,0.0,0.1946169103654582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813137535566909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307281347652964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575767019634576,0.0,0.10559763625944152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667947894786607,0.0,0.08920563426449782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598919156479313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650354407495092,0.18346650119904506,0.0,0.0,0.13681546581251575,0.0,0.08726311638592148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763761285989216,0.0,0.10473731742734292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893242130063121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003754557358404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942152327618682,0.0,0.0,0.10286946894012376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458607373040433,0.0,0.056919966409534714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253030016580076,0.0,0.0,0.050599606519598016,0.0,0.0,0.1833143236805575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347695891946116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281928777146293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284100204820507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937926110287243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540947396850213,0.18086857432417103,0.0,0.0,0.09790816400246637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884491511162047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942872370434527,0.10804724240912296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271201202175991,0.08659007487598826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522906681748248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227519777672085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031797642158688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890434822075804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220991612914619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31664338915628226,0.14714787171893864,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monochromaticmoon,2018/03/12,"oh go s h is it selfish to ask for help? i honestly dont know and haha. i want to help, but like,,, would that be attention seeking? ",-0.6801149425287356,1.0082842068965512,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,86.24137931034483,6.625287356321839,23.459770114942533,7.793537801064563,1.158508045977011,98,4,24,2,3,36,26,29,0.131,0.621,0.249,0.3442,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894980264581796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882937978572622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367836019876435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.558524095132111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289720192926149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035470997443062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457424602616209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29596596280186965,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ferdfteenmillion,2018/03/12,"Just looking for advice based on your personal experiences Within the last week I've been hearing a voice, which isn't mine, in my head.  It started and he remained subtle, but it's almost like it responds to my own thoughts.  It addresses me as ""you"".  

I've been depressed for a while and have been actively working to address it, but this is new and I haven't ever heard or felt like this before.  My GP is my doctor who prescribes my anti anxiety meds, however half the time she is googling them. 

I am hoping to find honest advice on where I go from here.  I love my family so much, without them I would have killed myself ages ago.  But now it's not just me, it is something else inside of me encouraging me to take action.  It's new, foreign, and I am unsure of how to deal with it.",3.337510548523205,4.652751379746835,4.705759493670887,84.77589662447258,73.17721518987341,7.2919831223628675,26.457805907173,7.793537801064563,1.48444135021097,610,21,123,8,12,203,102,158,0.103,0.743,0.154,0.8727,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,2,1,8,8,1,0,4,0,14,3,1,1,1,21,24,12,1,2,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,2,1,13,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,6,5,23,6,17,17,2,18,0,1,1,1,14,5,0,3,13,92,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332723622307536,0.15116114386029325,0.0,0.17075730772755926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045203872813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451051946161761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580497385396998,0.14687392394105814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454074131169958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245271768313444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425066634301438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680729703455846,0.16075687867932684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373184698600718,0.0,0.15585781262897402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691394136305373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500902767310908,0.0,0.19219536558673064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937094480120538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866192047783906,0.0,0.0,0.13900157284855166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666209274936933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319901869161233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390650902016365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941611133942532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535634194056547,0.0,0.0,0.3293904384114532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488968575115453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127936215727,0.0,0.0,0.12069928733753285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821444327502055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353787159004635,0.0994351699554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678579231531507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438112427841944,0.0,0.12414506885014892,0.0,0.0,0.12113688500243765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad_mogul97,2018/03/12,"My thoughts are in a constant spiral (Apologize for cursing)


My mind simply won’t stop racing, I already dread the week that is about to start. I’m coming back from spring break to college where I have no friends and my grades are extremely poor. Where my motivation is nonexistant and where I feel like dropping out every single day. I fucking hate every single class.


Then I work part-time Tuesday, Friday and the weekend as a cashier and I absolutely hate the job but I can’t get myself to quit out of anxiety.

 I’m constantly stressed and I can’t sleep at night with my thoughts thinking about thoughts. The only way to stop it is suicide. They just won’t stop. I already feel like this week is going to be wasted. All those group projects that I fucking hate, all those long two-hour commutes to college, all those shifts at work. 

I fucking hate it, I hate my fucking life. I’ve never had a semblance of self-esteem. I’ve always been a fucking push over. I hate my fucking situation and I feel like I have no fucking control. My thoughts strangle me all the fucking time and I’m fucking sick of it. I feel handcuffed 24/7. I can’t express my true feelings anywhere. I already went to an uni counselour and it wasn’t helpful at all, just spurting out advice you could find on a Buzzfeed article. I fucking hate this shit.",2.792152050284347,5.274425463035024,3.3708365758754866,88.50094806944031,78.41634241245137,5.354624363962887,29.728973361269087,6.490185161304077,1.5225715055372648,1052,51,197,9,26,329,134,257,0.262,0.67,0.068,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,1,5,9,25,18,2,11,0,18,14,2,2,7,41,53,11,1,1,3,0,5,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,13,0,4,12,1,1,4,9,20,0,0,8,5,32,5,25,41,7,37,0,0,0,10,7,12,11,0,21,123,43,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688033336027194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226581002040196,0.0,0.056948888793712925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523576319336326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052627360994300716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058956372836535965,0.0,0.14792209717918536,0.07676306716749233,0.05464504351605444,0.0,0.0,0.04413916597723397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532998929742574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730306313568317,0.146684064884642,0.0,0.0,0.0625543768205493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287780560277326,0.6327315062644635,0.035757907944386116,0.0,0.03889693500075519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730033306799295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458749576455954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740118339604677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679177211476698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483423217681172,0.1003113168549528,0.0,0.0,0.060568656792649236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691064992453244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278637643857192,0.0,0.0,0.06422779943225458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205291619069144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411557651423886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279605966182945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713995089033453,0.0,0.07025431251633364,0.0,0.07693121903554646,0.06849102151296453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844331236739163,0.0,0.0,0.17166071111669878,0.07839961447213678,0.0,0.0,0.0748639951106222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438546097645742,0.0,0.2173399219474323,0.03990884374474861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685749220220867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054325751474344285,0.1097994364460746,0.0,0.0,0.063446043151114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965259086180177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Soundville1,2018/03/12,"Feeling like you don't belong anywhere First time using reddit because I'm unsure how to go about the things I feel. I've always struggled with the idea of death. I'm 30 now and its always plagued me. I've tried hanging myself when I was 10 years old but stopped myself because the idea of death scares me. Sometimes I love life and other times I dont want to even leave my house. Suicidal thoughts is something i constantly think of especially in trying times. I know these things arent normal but i cant help and i wish i never would bring myself to those thoughts. Recently I lost a brother in law and its been really, really tough because he was murdered and circumstances have been really sketchy. Life has just become really difficult to get thru and i dont want it to be, but every positive idea or moment I have, its like I have this overshadowing negative energy over me.  I guess my question is, because i feel like i already know what a therapist would tell me, how can I work through these issues or do i need more?",4.484925373134328,5.978641870646765,5.134507462686567,82.11758208955227,70.59203980099501,8.345074626865673,28.32537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.2236889552238805,820,30,155,15,15,264,119,201,0.236,0.662,0.102,-0.9817,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,3,7,10,1,2,5,0,20,3,0,3,1,39,41,14,4,7,6,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,12,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,7,3,28,4,15,31,1,19,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,4,16,101,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015116457733672,0.0,0.18119282503841988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26548757329179457,0.12024878233139374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765998969089292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255211775122885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719138403079182,0.0,0.0917356203742043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515814221042507,0.15556698101018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261279224944588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688501123679835,0.0,0.06187869234509715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994297342368013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297959056262522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563225018059945,0.0,0.3687348896234759,0.0,0.11364184293858748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196745806593714,0.0,0.0,0.11528760128769708,0.0,0.0,0.15380953053904833,0.15957897747672584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885476565642712,0.0,0.09826794151204812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073272184677241,0.08397453289292486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667872953638342,0.0,0.0,0.11425065210703253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196988603448708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790038176974634,0.0,0.10750530728301523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900730914688636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382070884681987,0.10768454578925893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910280834100388,0.0,0.11382442628660068,0.0,0.11909643063354755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516542571755504,0.0,0.0,0.12641741654398406,0.14466931793422366,0.06976554593526955,0.0,0.17287621973596998,0.19046542334622835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784397939594227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403687406195886,0.0,0.0,0.12843982410107638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252059775072862,0.0,0.0,0.07926552582111612,0.0,0.0,0.154689654208344,0.0,0.0,0.07011478673540035
suicidewatch,locust-star,2018/03/12,"Klonopin & Alcohol I think I'm beyond the point of no return, internet. 
It's so interesting that to you I am a nameless face... Not even a real person... I am a box of text. I'm basically a tweet from some nobody that no one gives a shit about. I'm just a screen name... with no identity other than that.. No one here knows.. that's why it's easy to say whatever. 

I took pills. I've been drinking... and I don't give a fuck about what happens next. 

Just another face in the crowd... or just another screen name on the internet... nothing to mourn here. And that is ok. 

I hope that one of you gets better, I hope that at least one of you do not end up here. 

Good Luck and best wishes. 
I hope that you make it. ",-0.5972024019780982,1.5385380469798695,1.8026492405510448,96.10613564111624,91.3489932885906,5.5529494878134935,17.23807841752031,7.0608816371341465,0.014522147651006456,535,14,128,9,19,181,86,149,0.079,0.6859999999999999,0.235,0.9741,0,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,0,2,11,12,2,0,10,1,6,7,3,1,0,22,22,5,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,13,4,2,0,2,1,0,1,7,3,0,4,2,3,12,9,17,20,3,10,0,1,2,1,11,6,2,6,3,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017531923140865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239408668109506,0.0,0.0,0.31432288868988256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572890085533001,0.13255600206300516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682458903151266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274851420635805,0.0,0.0,0.09899382006177801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856093608063638,0.07830571337139113,0.28755563548455604,0.0,0.1257115899350193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325377110392763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465916906819916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236970695095885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004555207103864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939826497644854,0.0,0.0,0.14381316663383004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062481896051021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086876542168951,0.0,0.0,0.14168432073492326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059538025583132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191899820463543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384887917839854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603656085193583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652134298840682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524269584597476,0.0,0.17235372154990564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,r1234567890r,2018/03/12,"I feel like i need to die I messed up too much in my life, despite it not being very long. Ive been lazy, ive lied, and now its time for me to face it and i think it will be better for me to kill myself than face whatever is coming",2.9211111111111085,1.71941703703704,4.759629629629631,92.99833333333332,73.07407407407408,7.940740740740741,21.703703703703702,6.42735559955562,0.06663703703703705,176,2,48,1,3,61,40,54,0.258,0.6559999999999999,0.086,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,0,7,11,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,2,8,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009947573560564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931646753416153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532094295667652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208137619499034,0.2431322472914259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765253826361789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403855662169783,0.16626833947427996,0.0,0.0,0.3011818697484518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250182148551739,0.2523508261856018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807010532196824,0.0,0.0,0.19844950862441685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808083857447646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grapehair,2018/03/12,"Fuck my life. I tried for three years to go to school and get a degree but I wasn't able. The fourth year, this year, I got through half of the first semester before my depression and anxiety caused me to drop my classes once again, I couldn't go to work, I was seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist about my problems but they couldn't seem to get me on a medication that worked or offer me any sort of solution to my problems. I slit my wrists, I tried OD'ing, crashed my car, but I couldn't die for some reason. My parents are narcissists, wealthy but only care about themselves and their reputation in the community. My therapist begged to have family sessions with them because she was the one who would be able to mend the relationship that many other therapists in the past years weren't able to. It only ever made things worse when I involved them. But I reluctantly and stupidly agreed, I guess I trust people too easily. Instead of mending the relationship or having any sort of family therapy with them my therapist as soon as I signed the waiver for her to talk to them told my parents that the only way to ""save me"" was to send me to a program across the country. I was told that it was amazing, that it was near LA and all these great things about this place, it was going to help me, I'd be able to grow and meet new people and experience new things. I agreed and the next day I was on a plane, as soon as I landed I knew I had made a mistake, I didn't want to go, I knew that I could get the help I needed without sacrificing my life or having someone around me 24/7 as I am a very private person. My father told me I had the choice of going with him and signing myself in or being homeless in LA, because as he knows I had no money myself. So I did. Well three months later and I'm still stuck in this program, I lie to my parents and say that i'm better when i'm not because I hope that they will pull me out and I can go home to the place I used to hate so much because where i'm at now is the worst thing I've ever done or been at, in my entire life. I want to die constantly, because it's not a program for people with mental health issues it's a rehab, and my parents were lied to about the kind of help I could get here, but they either refuse to listen or just dont care, or are being told not to listen to me. The ""staff"" who are supposed to be my representatives with my parents, I have caught lying to my parents about how, and what i'm doing here to make it seem that I need to be here longer. I don't want to go into what is wrong with this program, seriously most of this stuff is fucked up. Like really really fucked, but no one will listen. And recently my parents have started saying that after this program no matter what I do they're going to stop funding any part of my life. I don't know what happened in the past three months, I don't know what they've been told, but my life has just been progressively getting worse and worse from what I thought was already the worst possible situation. Fuck my life.",7.752335783187875,5.431929918006436,7.927912264584293,77.7894292604502,64.12861736334405,10.879283417547082,33.46830500689022,9.140100540675403,2.6031031694993114,2387,70,506,31,28,783,254,622,0.163,0.73,0.107,-0.9896,7,0,0,0,0,1,54.0,0,0,8,5,27,25,6,0,29,0,55,14,1,7,3,92,113,43,2,15,22,8,0,1,0,3,9,5,1,1,38,26,0,2,9,0,2,13,17,14,1,7,34,6,86,11,81,65,8,64,0,1,1,4,44,21,4,15,29,363,124,11,0.2157608555074101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595243673214945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004358537502637,0.0,0.041264115974934304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048018226339837655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644072686218243,0.0,0.045899149124725404,0.0,0.0,0.047705735769090235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999128594851418,0.05541145816727493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829020858883139,0.0,0.08613374325103314,0.0,0.0,0.034786975588013185,0.0,0.046458627172763424,0.0,0.11196285188536123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519956643827182,0.06321752893792049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975840231742746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052763879487110026,0.10170006617399566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588151836827973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946743419249388,0.14090767725214434,0.0,0.24524373279145506,0.0,0.04314091656963282,0.059469276224913076,0.05942122685883704,0.0,0.04769915299100872,0.0,0.0,0.05325479392642042,0.0,0.057335924992978335,0.0,0.0,0.10846496505223308,0.0,0.05410643253469704,0.0535748032549038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056299569179906236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617043220899527,0.08893239266477213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285974095771652,0.02635246387478581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207906918017401,0.036005511615424216,0.05468691061978841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054339090682616456,0.0543590487141661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610912819369097,0.0,0.03965226364004108,0.0799919702314357,0.0,0.10419158937002353,0.05736602939641716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744456736070825,0.07310256981332536,0.12307188987742307,0.0,0.0,0.41925956881413506,0.058411995193161564,0.1029840752157532,0.11218605778768144,0.04709851418622843,0.11271208582402745,0.0,0.0,0.060809486480088035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322699979028566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911096445525282,0.055459523595339455,0.05325945380750285,0.11582320628444455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579084615305997,0.0,0.05459037617395506,0.04298336679681841,0.09821028972146607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063106040395006,0.0,0.0,0.04570336817524702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03817916101079341,0.0,0.0430767244794692,0.04509643408394248,0.0,0.0,0.06174863980589265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043355100695227085,0.0,0.0,0.06168533550443369,0.2505149830105885,0.14334192516834085,0.0,0.0,0.04282250463786296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577109295820777,0.0,0.07324372898750478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658702604439818,0.0,0.044506325524592924,0.09544600706195767,0.04281523106515467,0.0,0.0,0.04849873023455591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199644131626487,0.0,0.07853823625439067,0.0,0.16490905854571775,0.0383175803177743,0.05897515619770416,0.0,0.13894291694925268
suicidewatch,Psychological_Potato,2018/03/12,"Nothing is I do feels good enough anymore I'm in my third year of a BSc and I feel like I should feel better given that I'm working with the supervisor I've been trying to work with since first year and my grades aren't an issue, but I just feel like no matter what I do, nothing is good enough. I come from a really broken family life and finances are a constant worry. I feel so isolated when everyone around me seems to have everything together with normal family lives. Whenever my friends talk about their families or their next vacation I always feel super left out. The strongest connection I have is with my research supervisor and she probably thinks I'm such a clingy annoyance. I have a couple therapists but it only helps during the session, so much of what's going on is situational and I just don't know what to do anymore since I literally don't have anyone who can understand and help me.",6.85227272727273,6.839302409090912,7.63309090909091,71.68463636363639,64.68181818181819,11.35818181818182,32.94090909090909,11.00357731598739,3.693856363636364,728,27,132,19,10,244,106,176,0.094,0.723,0.183,0.9395,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,5,8,8,1,0,9,0,18,1,0,0,0,31,34,12,0,2,5,0,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,10,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,2,6,21,7,15,31,3,13,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,8,90,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077618614450527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402242194851888,0.08468541887958453,0.0,0.0,0.10781674812642728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711510377747296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432860990319316,0.0,0.1308807346023308,0.0,0.0,0.13400985320875874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502853713662413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157291991067417,0.10884906046184677,0.0,0.34252526347560264,0.0,0.367431937310968,0.17304710639503953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301913432955814,0.0,0.0,0.09357203789595868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883162859043489,0.20316861993952384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235973586105165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641109288246238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656084651661655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159023995049265,0.0,0.08554609089579256,0.11833993783903518,0.0,0.1069454945264117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903240388898241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880564764457814,0.0,0.11866557633436478,0.2324234591991961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211232181191516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058090476320985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758844938077793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102572385263008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037278078535556,0.13613671862734994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734649377865784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406221808048156,0.0,0.07760468045194369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222815878493359,0.0,0.0,0.12608348978574774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634423180492065,0.12299670163689427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598632667779758
suicidewatch,Happyoutside94,2018/03/12,"The urge to die Everyday for the last few months I have not stopped thinking about killing myself.
I obsess over it, and I’ll hit my head on walls, or anything close to me at the time.
I’ve always felt depressed, and always felt alone. 
There is a lot going on all the time and it feels like it’s never going to stop. 
Everything I feel seems irrational, but at the same time it’s real enough to make me constantly think about dying.",4.226896551724138,5.137421977011499,4.57764367816092,88.06922413793106,70.60919540229884,7.639080459770115,24.84482758620689,7.793537801064563,1.1121586206896557,340,9,71,4,6,107,61,87,0.139,0.809,0.052000000000000005,-0.7559999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,6,0,2,1,1,1,2,22,13,5,3,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,4,7,1,12,10,5,19,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,3,11,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676853250851127,0.0,0.0,0.284031678407612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404515430198243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443977760289615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700271402223408,0.0,0.35426882149601224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763536030429101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339229692488054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259750517076064,0.12193074066745575,0.327750838719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399784556280866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751624887251171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188827353411073,0.0,0.0,0.1391234598613745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338351661491784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451023606356378,0.0,0.0,0.11392734244048915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623170029851872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163560707227367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942662907329568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553767299265926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853850234709812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872416971054215,0.0,0.0,0.2985670865288109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotBlockedThrowaway,2018/03/12,"Started writing a note Ended up with a haiku

> To you I now write  
> a letter with no reply.  
> There is nothing more

I fucked up a friendship that was important to me over a month ago now, and I'm having trouble coping with that. I've tried reaching out, but that person doesn't want me in her life anymore. I've tried counselling. I've even managed to keep a diary which has helped me deal with depression in the past. I've tried the mindfulness techniques they recommended. I've even booked further counselling for this week. None of it fucking works, because here I am at 1am writing a fucking suicide note to someone who no longer cares about me.",4.759224806201551,5.8822723643410875,4.9100775193798425,85.38899224806205,69.54263565891473,6.973643410852714,31.38759689922481,6.937597516519254,1.7985875968992246,521,22,100,4,9,163,85,129,0.147,0.7509999999999999,0.102,-0.8349,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,1,1,7,6,3,0,9,0,6,4,0,0,0,13,14,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,10,1,18,13,2,16,0,1,0,3,11,8,3,0,8,62,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381557558681456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327364977225927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126534140040308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884176711994361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905224599883304,0.15916945171660984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367947296709426,0.0,0.0,0.24411958795294936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125386403101351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386869829813127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642602609696764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053092095227314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659705740962165,0.0,0.14750697078733566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732223566557093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641415367997978,0.0,0.16136173485737196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658189870752742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080360946719488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021430885100947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764047140674794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900084323841798,0.0,0.14823679371559595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345378540450032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zdogemon,2018/03/12,"The last year. I don't think I will last more than this year, life is such a piece of shit, I don't want to just keep suffering to be alive and have nothing in return. 

If God exists, it is not good.
Fuck you God, and all that you created.",1.464423076923076,2.389655826923075,2.868461538461542,97.65153846153851,77.26923076923076,6.7384615384615385,18.76923076923077,7.1686216300943375,-0.16447692307692294,181,3,47,2,4,59,41,52,0.175,0.627,0.198,0.0829,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,1,9,11,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,9,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,1,5,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938721810145177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662016119397125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28254369923776146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51822439243407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245259386113816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050115720399932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32629619104538715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036827578753336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749210117414453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094047552744066
suicidewatch,edit10,2018/03/12,"I feel like I’m at the edge. The last month has been pretty terrible for me. I am at an internship for college and we have to do a project. The guidelines for this project are strict and I didn’t do it right so I am going to probably fail. This is guaranteed. I probably won’t have another time to fix it either. So if I do fail, then I won’t get my degree and I have no clue what I’ll do. I’ll look like a complete failure. 

That is the first thing that went wrong. This week, my dad has to have surgery and I am unsure how it will go. We don’t have the greatest relationship but I would feel so terrible if something bad were to happen. 

On top of all this, it has been 10 years since I’ve been diagnosed with my chronic condition. 10 years of this crap. I feel like all of my life choices were influenced by it and not for the better. I don’t think I can do this for 10 more years or 20 more years.

I have a terrible and boring personality. Everyone tells me how quiet I am. Never been in a relationship so still a virgin. I haven’t really tried to look for a boyfriend but it’s just one more thing that makes me feel insecure and behind compared to my peers. 

I haven’t struggled with suicidal thoughts to this extent before. A few years ago, I would have passing thoughts, like “If life got bad enough, suicide would always be an option.” I don’t think my life is truly that bad right now, but I’m just stressed and tired of everything. Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I imagine crashing my car at 100 mph into a tree or building or something. But I don’t think I’d have the courage to actually do it. I’m so sick of this. 

I’ve been talking to my mom about the stress, but definitely not the suicidal thoughts because I don’t want to worry her. I think she’s keeping me alive because I don’t know what she would do without me. We are best friends and I could never do this to her. ",1.6798579465541508,3.503696501265825,3.2673945147679326,91.17971343178623,78.92405063291139,6.616736990154713,24.64310829817159,7.594959193182576,1.0784922644163153,1478,54,330,22,36,488,173,395,0.211,0.6890000000000001,0.099,-0.9948,0,0,2,0,0,1,37.0,3,0,0,6,13,23,1,4,20,0,54,9,1,4,4,61,81,29,3,9,17,2,4,4,1,7,7,1,0,1,24,15,0,1,13,0,0,5,17,15,0,2,13,7,46,8,37,59,11,33,0,2,2,1,15,11,1,7,21,231,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.08692093238744626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895650785420226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411462090129795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339923092723587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231129385138796,0.10859431572058513,0.0,0.07579328355034473,0.0,0.0934750408627084,0.0787765008083058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933897699841936,0.0,0.0,0.07111634256811729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040569454941318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203466674830578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511163249131011,0.0800517181710403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014890079807255,0.12726539055709454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576416987508107,0.0,0.0,0.0688164176572085,0.0,0.09307236181978898,0.0,0.1012427688359622,0.0,0.07123861301434325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876563066419211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917083915205844,0.0,0.0,0.04895136534909928,0.07260515829720476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887414975370747,0.17406333710320654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959524855789766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594559159218271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431946080476304,0.0710960191410351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739485919275285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035715157882447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777737955624488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061773426497413,0.1920682777099016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706148180613044,0.0,0.0,0.1912589074749976,0.0,0.15213314357760252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368086278612962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714318011307278,0.08809398811908921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113261258984215,0.0,0.2040621978229646,0.09311686819553006,0.0,0.2922892825992912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159229534773544,0.07785241439302777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835028955998482,0.2282936750003523,0.0,0.2121384577871246,0.051938306214637145,0.10237458289425676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047369967958816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253667671367348,0.0,0.0714477822109443,0.0,0.0,0.08257017011983088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586174461716886,0.0,0.0,0.09045642887156934,0.0,0.2530953436279457,0.09738569932902222,0.0,0.28679561883135746
suicidewatch,Ebosch747,2018/03/12,"SuIcIdAl ThOuGhTs YuH I am a 16 year old in Junior year of high school, and I just want to die. I know, it sounds like every other post ever, but that's the best way to say it. My parents got divorced a few months back, and my relationship with my other family members is fading away from me. I live with my dad and my little brother, and my mom is off with some other man and I don't get to see her all that often. My friends are all pretty happy with their own lives, and are doing normal stuff teenagers do, and I envy them. I like to hurt myself at school and at home by bashing my head into things over and over again. I hurt myself in front of my friends and they show concern, but I do it anyway. I also like to hurt myself mentally by posting pictures to my snapchat story saying stuff like ""I want to livestream my suicide"" and video taping myself crying while pointing out everything I hate myself about my life. I have ripped out all of my eyelashes in what I guess is anxiety, even though I don't feel anxious, just depressed. People say that they care, but for some reason I still have thoughts of hating every aspect of myself and wanting to die. I feel guilty about most of my actions in life, even though most of them are relatively minor things, and I regret living. I feel like I don't deserve the opportunities I have been given in life, I just don't feel like I am worthy of living. I feel like people mainly pity me and only say that they care about me so that I won't kill myself. I want people to stop caring about me so that I have a reason to kill myself and that I hurt as few people as possible when I do die. My main concern is that my brother might follow the same path if I kill myself. The only coping mechanism I have has been beating all of the Halo games on Legendary (So far I have Reach, 1, 2, and ODST complete) I have incredibly good friends, but they just don't know what to do anymore, and I attempt to prove to them that I'm not worth caring about. I was hanging out with them the other night and I was so sad and it made them sad, and I felt even worse because I was making them feel sad. I stole some of my friends whiskey and I actually felt good while being drunk. I almost want to become an alcoholic and get addicted to drugs just so I have something to worry about other than living. I have never been with someone romantically, and I guess that's another reason to be sad. I chronically masturbate and I make jokes out of it, but people probably just laugh at me about it. I have become a clown for everyone around me to laugh at. People think I'm addicted to porn, and I must look like a monster to them, and I definitely look like a monster to myself. I just want death. I have been given Zoloft, but I really don't notice any difference. My parents say they got therapy scheduled, but they have been telling me that for months and I still don't even know if I have a therapist.   All I think about are different ways to kill myself, a lot of them involve me going to my school and doing it in front of a crowd of people, either shooting myself or hanging myself with a rope from the stairwell. I hate myself. I don't deserve life.",5.337974506578946,5.346308348437503,6.060296052631582,81.61088815789478,67.859375,8.486842105263158,28.092105263157894,8.032893268588372,1.6920000000000002,2493,72,500,28,38,818,247,640,0.16899999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.185,0.7451,3,0,4,1,1,13,61.0,0,0,15,4,36,43,7,0,18,0,51,14,1,6,9,111,97,51,10,11,19,6,8,9,4,3,10,6,1,1,29,41,3,1,19,6,1,7,11,18,0,0,17,17,114,25,83,75,19,54,0,11,3,1,38,25,0,14,27,383,143,4,0.0,0.0,0.05221296430075489,0.11665625398419276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571803567896868,0.053577326047475664,0.0,0.0,0.042787767312425715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03638509712777778,0.056104445456064266,0.040931023717278935,0.06044519175632579,0.05306238205425004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047630613542562185,0.0,0.0,0.050269518618320234,0.04114188670270655,0.0,0.032616028005255975,0.11818369058827467,0.0,0.0,0.056149984100735316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820682825665744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609876231544726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877250777523318,0.0,0.0,0.046083603774177945,0.0,0.1665885977815815,0.11180225115908568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204857857056861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135765680425896,0.048398152639450666,0.09016019924717293,0.051126127007463724,0.04808666207637559,0.0,0.050439561375133515,0.0,0.16232179984441514,0.11467151429519605,0.10274599274334778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535069561497745,0.0,0.055908096837044965,0.0,0.030408009496370424,0.08975457142305691,0.08558534879891383,0.0,0.11788313348800596,0.0,0.0,0.056956851966138825,0.0,0.15847473150171512,0.05491135847523403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056530756284878136,0.053669674510422184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911196978653514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367805246100805,0.0,0.08821451247392062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116808348760252,0.2352576732942793,0.05362586341295493,0.2362285826842305,0.0,0.08986110891792684,0.0,0.0,0.04548786557246301,0.0,0.05062753318391077,0.07142973574322582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392025152119585,0.05676013496380605,0.0,0.06266417229159592,0.08541403796245482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126619837763349,0.0,0.0,0.05021062803609213,0.052423341506829736,0.0,0.060915566698508186,0.05614428460869738,0.0,0.0,0.08138561919131099,0.0,0.0,0.11882149174462725,0.0,0.0,0.2596544284297325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057932801384237,0.06031862005389777,0.10248561202324913,0.054433614484279635,0.057687221316685675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03427654341317169,0.16503552944224512,0.0,0.05744412901417351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274581289645064,0.0,0.1624491349773711,0.042636396400150316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045334441379451966,0.041190607202748204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545800096155583,0.044732406582411816,0.0,0.0,0.12250038468968945,0.11705112879540926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046765551424501485,0.0,0.061187399048461086,0.062123193899081525,0.07109242013460003,0.06856742775002198,0.10513638397264552,0.08495366550590189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893510953267808,0.08493923578797392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433671915060074,0.05452595980027057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891067086536358
suicidewatch,IllustriousPace,2018/03/12,"I imagine my death every moment of the day, please help. For months now, I've been suicidal and nearly attempted at one point. I can't feel anything and I cry inexplicably. I'm so depressed. My life seems so put together, too: I have a good social network, supportive family, good academics, exercise regularly, etc. And yet I just can't get better, it just gets worse. I'm so sad all the time and will do anything to feel a smile for just a moment. Please give me guidance, I just want to make it through but I keep imagining the moment of my death and how much easier it would be.",2.9552173913043482,4.8901473478260895,4.4915217391304365,83.34336956521744,75.52173913043478,8.078260869565218,25.41304347826087,8.841846274778883,1.9473652173913043,455,16,91,10,10,152,76,115,0.174,0.684,0.142,-0.7858,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,2,1,21,20,10,3,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,2,11,4,9,16,3,12,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,8,58,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924372390564919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714687293316548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951772999247606,0.11459134513549687,0.0,0.15303878796264064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816439443642705,0.0,0.0,0.14970625651231054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750446375773606,0.0,0.17968452604700674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566489329190775,0.17045048208842573,0.0,0.2980654657999546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909769902209084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793351662719254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125503315609515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860530956088396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182550597413907,0.0,0.13061803020741344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040313459525095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900868879541037,0.16796861402450838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862128554006027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175664907770188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112624765562066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943572270116794,0.2016334592415173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360884684300256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480250296905766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810749619587868,0.12622146641756893,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9zCOX11,2018/03/13,Why do I have to keep living if I didn't ask to be born in the first place? Anyone else feel the same way?,0.08039999999999736,0.8829308400000002,2.029,102.7795,80.6,5.0,12.5,3.1291,-1.7934,81,0,23,0,2,27,22,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424825691144636,0.3579131596595021,0.0,0.0,0.32656115016618914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29180676852462417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662349947438802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971260498138327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104860613728499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084503916754652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649584627775105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27726895121786005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152012767187406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExistingStretch,2018/03/13,"I just want to be free of mental illness. I have a cluster of mental illnesses that love to feed into each other. Bipolar disorder, social anxiety, eating disorder...I'm so tired of them. 

I want to wake up in the morning and they're all gone. I want to wake up and it's okay again. I want to wake up to a life where I can eat without guilt, where I can love someone without pushing them away, where I don't waste hours and weeks and years of life distracting myself from hunger and buying things and watching shows I already know by heart.

Mental illness is not going away. I'm tired of pretending that's okay. I'm tired of pretending I'm just like everyone else. I'm tired of people telling me that the best choice is to pretend it's not there, to pretend that these things aren't real, because they are, and I'll end up in a life where I've written a hundred checks I can't cash. Hell, I'm already there.

I just want it to be gone. For once, all gone.",2.669897959183672,4.223339204081636,3.696683673469391,90.3777806122449,75.3265306122449,6.53265306122449,25.51530612244898,7.1686216300943375,1.0308020408163263,748,26,159,8,16,241,99,196,0.166,0.647,0.187,0.0887,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,1,12,10,1,2,6,2,11,21,4,0,2,25,29,8,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,11,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,1,5,4,5,7,3,0,0,4,1,16,8,30,23,4,23,1,0,1,2,7,13,1,0,6,98,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463111240245391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537521056519329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970747111991897,0.0,0.0,0.06803153221827331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711939454396875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790553981952402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283933775763625,0.09322913529260364,0.0,0.0988462306009868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066404761531141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634259780931179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224888570782256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990547150938458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061333530521882285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364833405029621,0.054523091045695665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145029151033106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33740564559153285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885246826143125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737076214048627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702748800651578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376416601783275,0.09455999696856417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754505109968006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828679537810896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130802427945274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32912870169776026,0.0,0.0895203780263176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516065574812776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186801722767003
suicidewatch,WhatIsMayonnaise,2018/03/13,Why do I have these thoughts I have amazing friends a great family good enough grades along with other things and I'm still this way I've tried near everything and everything fails.,4.877549019607844,7.356135970588234,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,71.64705882352942,8.062745098039215,26.03921568627451,8.841846274778883,1.8455215686274515,149,5,29,3,3,42,28,34,0.069,0.59,0.342,0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071368528576224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342950358507441,0.0,0.2802191511070051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22965322406146285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24931768959177925,0.0,0.32771719287148665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237382798659254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747849780154286,0.0,0.0,0.23598187000916676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018120177589237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359417875500984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682202689498342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coolDork,2018/03/13,"How do i propperly say good bye to my loved ones? I'm tired of battling my mental health. But by any means, i don't want to hurt my friends. Families can get my suicide note. But what about friends? And i got one online friend i really care for, and she's half way accross the world. Ideas?",-0.017499999999998298,2.3036665833333387,1.2983333333333356,99.1125,91.5,5.0,19.166666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.025666666666666504,225,7,52,3,8,71,48,60,0.142,0.555,0.304,0.923,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,8,10,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,9,6,6,9,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393787133597918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580419491487784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953672433416447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905901528961416,0.0,0.1105850071103209,0.0,0.0,0.17753260226210854,0.16928597002779722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498751653110674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658926203257584,0.23894138663400974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191033820237636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056269468544674,0.0,0.0,0.21330618408426213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868562011750248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135596523992254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832264779405778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23152460273937636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327509812629336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484412460024075,0.16800797245765786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MysteriousNecrosis,2018/03/13,"I'm broken and can't put myself back together I can see my breaking point, and its coming up once again but this time I don't think I'll want to survive. I have no family that'll lift a finger to help me in any way, in the words of my father ""all you'll ever do is sweep floors and pick up boxes"" 

Im just so tired of being poor, hungry,tired, lonely, and sad at all times. That feeling you get when your about to cry. The chills down your spine, the sinking feeling in your gut, and that weird feeling in your mouth/throat you get when your about to cry or just really sad. I've felt just like that every day for the past 3 years and I just want it to stop... I wish I didn't fuck my life up but its far far too late, I just want to throw in the towel already. My games already over and the credits are about to roll.  Its not what I want but at least I wont feel anymore pain.",2.5861014901329042,2.9957647748691123,3.669842931937176,94.92021345147002,74.0261780104712,6.505195328231977,20.45146999597261,5.873414542411696,-0.20954563028594508,676,11,166,3,13,219,114,191,0.195,0.682,0.123,-0.9345,1,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,8,0,1,15,8,1,0,7,0,12,7,3,1,3,35,29,14,0,5,10,1,6,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,10,8,0,1,6,1,2,3,6,6,0,0,2,7,23,2,25,23,3,33,0,3,1,1,11,16,1,1,13,103,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33369001554556044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281628450903292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994262488450807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625792597471145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023920446457038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321563693787389,0.0975068442311308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676253808019667,0.12738644979610902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253111032366486,0.0,0.3057904778287265,0.0,0.1451687923899775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397753017201981,0.15798398917472548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013413427785639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331416228162726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705520570721738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679194167026704,0.07386516208182951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101539115965402,0.0,0.0,0.16087979264926816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433062964820706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292606011423145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199051765144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685797531826236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048108178254842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640394570885366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968782374668542,0.0,0.0,0.17632346802705035,0.17377387528909247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567097085719088,0.12000980239364192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386425145264092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736320225448128
suicidewatch,squirrelzillaisokay,2018/03/13,"Advice? Not wanting to really get into any major details about WHY I've been having them. I've recently been having suicidal thoughts. I've had them before but they were minor and I quickly dismissed them, because (and I still believe this) I could never kill myself. I can never actually bring it upon myself to end my own life. But, after some very unfortunate events occurred I've been thinking about it in a stronger sense. (if that makes sense?) I'd really appreciate some advice and ways perhaps some of you have dealt with these feelings. Also, I've talked to my mother about it and she has suggested therapy but, I've been to so many neurologists and therapists (at a young age) that I just can't deal with the same old stuff anymore. Thank you.",3.542837022132794,6.126581070422535,4.5699396378269626,80.36394366197185,76.32394366197184,7.155734406438633,25.635814889336014,8.192908349453996,1.9343364185110663,600,22,104,11,14,195,95,142,0.05,0.8390000000000001,0.112,0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,4,0,8,2,1,0,3,0,13,1,0,1,2,26,21,11,2,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,1,16,1,15,13,6,17,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,4,11,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.17160656741110372,0.0,0.0,0.3436818441093695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062909421069286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195856566781304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439831974555692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071979858551238,0.0,0.1496374333044964,0.19812542651621715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404038256348635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812960943214882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575302340391453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889162530811324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187561669003116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455461685762213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420974492080103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738283706102455,0.17828672418873515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712564110668184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845275036665812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253110903250145,0.0,0.17363302193898333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043594727119688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130891632629824,0.19235397466108595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141343491380693,0.0,0.16190125588075993,0.2011025357426035,0.20417818073358596,0.0,0.1126791120746616,0.0,0.13960715620821526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509664000997582,0.10372229687819677,0.13958344337754675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867943153444133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinata_buck,2018/03/13,"Everyday is Groundhog day At first it was ok, I understood the need of routine.

Then I realised I was the only one to stay at the same place.

Everyday I tried to fight harder and harder to go where I'm supposed to be. I took all the initiatives I could with my friends, my loved ones to get out of this neverending misery. I even got the bright idea to call my doctor to change my meds.

I got numb, I got tired. Now I'm just tired, repeating the same things without hope. The pain is just too terrible for me to handle. Anyways, everyone I know has progressed to much for me to be useful. This pain is not just in me, it's a whole part of me and I can't get rid of it without getting rid of myself.",2.106141552511417,3.5550318287671274,3.622123287671237,90.76391552511416,76.60273972602741,7.0584474885844735,24.495433789954337,7.793537801064563,1.1085132420091326,541,18,121,8,12,179,86,146,0.128,0.742,0.13,0.1022,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,1,0,8,1,10,7,0,1,1,20,26,3,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,3,7,1,20,5,24,16,6,16,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,7,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282196418080285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832289233440078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194931861144329,0.0,0.0,0.09651981654116336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531857284710465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885055229073393,0.0,0.0,0.14300876246617944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730269477816664,0.0,0.0,0.11562873885091945,0.0,0.2345771587393441,0.0,0.08505654665570361,0.0,0.35909589284502785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864845517567954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689505447633565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225049825379925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507608896072176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624110096946046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100190271584686,0.11097271552064436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283012558013344,0.1138249400486958,0.3185025255228217,0.0,0.0,0.16206971041742327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636527266049008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952012222185374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942899667219683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34402964622241866,0.0,0.0,0.16628034671584835,0.10161089265691482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926019382245835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709263794711213,0.0,0.2885382757084855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omofth3rdeye,2018/03/13,Healthy coping techniques? I have been having a lot of issues with depression and I have been looking for better coping methods. As of now most of my coping/escapism involves using substances or playing videogames. These only make the depression and suicidal thoughts worse after the fact. I need to start practicing more healthy coping methods to help me snap out of the daze. Please post any techniques that have made you feel better or temporarily help you change your thoughts. Thanks in advance,6.545911764705881,9.706970341176476,4.796102941176471,79.60121323529413,69.11764705882354,6.602941176470589,34.154411764705884,7.6454224807358475,2.821735294117647,409,20,59,5,8,117,61,85,0.157,0.619,0.224,0.6361,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,3,1,7,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,3,1,16,16,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,8,4,12,11,3,7,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,4,3,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397176113978256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634195357549163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734596155023087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539191346017553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388508822908267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754266100254824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444343080250852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725318947408756,0.0,0.0,0.1746719516248843,0.0,0.194408111171976,0.13714395245082758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523435506075197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562590897532873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552977523239215,0.0,0.0,0.19677073918817356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542332013506792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473629889293975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891569389032316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262193634468221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744863488959306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093779449238191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thouxanbankitty,2018/03/13,no escape i try to build myself up and make opportunity for myself but the environment im in it is squandered. if i were to somehow come across the right opportunity to od on pills. or get drunk as fuck and fuck myself up. i fear i might do that. im fucking SICK! i want to stab something ,1.311,3.3879067666666667,3.846666666666668,85.295,81.33333333333334,6.0,21.666666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.6071666666666666,226,7,49,3,6,79,43,60,0.371,0.52,0.109,-0.978,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,1,2,0,4,6,0,1,0,10,11,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,11,9,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,4,0,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113410776427304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26274527556816585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6475833612747991,0.12199079698902475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044264275235283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558588269858215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24769986793223456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994023045145449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975482212428348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852686397003732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377206065935052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cyberdyne69,2018/03/13,"Failed My job pas well but I'm broke. I worked 2 36 hour shifts this week because I want to be successful but it went to shit. Can't afford to move jobs but I went for am intervew. I though I'd ace it but it went terribly.

I paid £80 for a train ticket to get to the interview and I just got back to where I live. Gf mad at me because my dog ate her favourite blanket. She texted on the train home.

I have no money and I do t want to think about it any more. My car is Brome and I can't afford to give girlfriend the life she wanted 

I want to die I decided today on the way home.im wasn't sure but I am now. I do t want to be alive anymore

I smoked a cigarette on a bridge looking over the edge. I heard stories of people stopping people jumping off. Nobody saw me but the bridge isn't high enough, all.id do is get hurt. If I was more drunk or knew how to get drugs of fucking do it 

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow but I can wait that long they won't do shit for me anyway. 

I don't know why I'm posting here I ever post this shit ",-0.8788136645962723,1.1256156217391329,1.517049689440995,98.81663043478262,90.6086956521739,4.6770186335403725,17.77950310559006,6.18269132825596,-0.3887453416149072,803,22,197,8,28,271,132,230,0.211,0.722,0.067,-0.9908,4,0,3,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,4,11,12,5,0,10,0,21,9,3,1,2,27,46,14,1,6,10,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,0,8,3,2,2,4,2,2,6,7,9,1,0,11,3,31,3,23,32,3,26,0,3,2,1,9,8,4,2,9,119,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180408567450907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929938327265124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924987066221061,0.0,0.14666028456289038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248462420155437,0.0,0.0,0.12312606742795575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950291844880694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242959203287163,0.0,0.0,0.10881286398938897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120991982641512,0.18854604376188885,0.1153970234051426,0.0,0.0,0.09621014863643282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709727870542042,0.24132950017174995,0.0,0.11846541743958748,0.0,0.12877727892036234,0.0,0.12993822707115227,0.0,0.23874658520539005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661104692653818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496725190428564,0.0,0.0,0.10622185862967287,0.10645645742649004,0.10101671333888564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785354806706692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667935091622639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041691374114545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704403709178871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057122034452244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337572767246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770795762128296,0.11818830291702535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402470300747845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547627656976599,0.09548382538495534,0.09649263868843733,0.0,0.10815880643178917,0.3345413956290109,0.10854667836096524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757550817774054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throeawayayay,2018/03/13,"God I should kill myself. I'm a sex offender. What the fuck is wrong with me. I'm an awful person. Nobody deserves to be stuck talking to me. When I was near 11 and I shared a room with my younger brother I

I didn't do what you're thinking. I used my mouth. God it sounds so awful when I type it, my fingers feel weak from how much I just don't want to live, I don't deserve life. I've made many, many posts on here before, but I deleted them because I was feeling better at the time. Today I was already feeling bad, but the repressed memory of what I did came up out of nowhere, and I realized how worthless I am. Nobody knows but me. Every time I think about it I just push it down. I can't tell anyone because my mom was raped when she was 4, and what would she think of me then? I'm a cancer to everyone I know. I should kill myself. I know people might say ""oh you do people like you"" but I took a look in the mirror and I just can't stand to look at myself. I hate the way I look. Everyone always tells me to get a haircut because I'm a guy but its not even past my shoulders. I have had depression for a long time. I'm self diagnosed of course because of things I'll explain later, but I know it's depression because I've been having these feelings for over a year, and it's just gotten worse.  If my little brother knew what I did, I would definitely kill myself. I don't want to tell anybody because I don't want to put my mom through the trouble of dealing with it, as she's dealt with depression in 2 of my sisters, her all her life as she has an iron deficiency, and my step mom right now, since she lost her cat to old age. God I should not be alive. I don't know what to do with myself. Please, please tell me I'm not an awful person. I did it 5+ years ago, please tell me I'm still worth anything for doing it. Please tell me I have a reason to live, even though I don't. Please. ",1.0983061668025016,2.627264295843524,2.9489017929910375,94.15579496060856,79.63569682151591,5.620239065471339,21.38556098886172,6.286939319323684,0.11083694648193454,1463,41,342,11,36,489,185,409,0.22,0.69,0.09,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,0,3,48.0,0,2,1,2,18,20,7,1,18,3,37,11,3,5,1,58,74,23,3,9,14,6,5,1,0,6,5,2,1,4,18,13,0,1,16,0,1,5,12,17,0,0,18,10,69,3,41,48,2,39,0,5,3,3,32,13,1,2,19,218,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468611562954554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052746290857007,0.0,0.060719338630249885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102438207594755,0.0,0.06005051865745175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060929363651723266,0.2669017914160174,0.0,0.062094604193156364,0.0,0.0,0.06453864258518936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346161250751055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523190534650583,0.18855448002822356,0.07406600633846891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639588810279476,0.0,0.06148285614263456,0.13945755835398824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758926077477785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674623147258695,0.03812535357887757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722546914929261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204567869576965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220126597217345,0.0,0.20052011957285654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308590273792534,0.03565089647681057,0.07313806476191126,0.12887290034606627,0.06457876281825302,0.18383669330428254,0.0,0.07965859312786093,0.0,0.0,0.06904876798396042,0.0,0.1479662318033263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741276620405507,0.0,0.256395104878094,0.0,0.0,0.05364351329041693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657283374816658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966093610301424,0.10118050823973483,0.1274343273132347,0.0,0.4005119187059152,0.0,0.0,0.06988791277447033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335796818865016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502834436071305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231849903189007,0.0,0.05803101731574964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612669976476134,0.0,0.0,0.06036397681960798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827629068290036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865289158430929,0.3826894387552625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847998425540754,0.1402743560337888,0.07169555108707952,0.0,0.12765333875733026,0.0,0.06916982237574798,0.0,0.08107563045561933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302519758922608,0.0,0.0,0.12912400650880096,0.0579225296574649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436566845307252,0.1036757773877756,0.07978446335409972,0.0,0.09398437223707527
suicidewatch,00feyOwch,2018/03/13,"My best (online) friend may be dead. (Originally posted on r/needadvice but suicidal things aren’t allowed there) Lemme start off by saying, if you want a nice, perfect piece of writing with impeccable grammar and no typos, you can go away. Won’t find that here. This is raw, pure emotion and a venting system where I need advice (of course.)

Essentially, I’ve had a friend online, who I talk to, and play games with every. Single. Day.

We weren’t just online best friend, no real life friend could ever dream of coming close to him. He was someone I played with, talked with, argued with, conversed with, vented to, and complained about how shitty life is to. He did likewise to me.

With 5 projects in school at once, and already semi suicidal thoughts, along with his depression stage, I already had to worry about him. A week and a half ago he just went ghost. He wasn’t on discord, steam, or recorded online on any game at all from then till now. He hasn’t showed up, no matter how many times I tag him or whatever, he’s just GONE.

Due to the past comments on suicide and such he has made, which I advised against to him, I have reason to believe he may have killed himself. He typically gets on discord at 10:00 AM, usually 5 times a week. He hasn’t opened anything since..

I’m basically repeating the same stuff now but I have no idea what else to say and I just want to keep writing down what’s on my mind over and over. 

He’s been my best friend for almost 5 years and he’s gone. I’m going to be driven back to my antisocial life, almost nobody to hang out with online, and already nobody to hang out with in real life.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve spent a good 90 percent of my time the past 5 years with him, if he’s gone my life is basically me sitting down on Reddit searching for advice. I don’t really do anything else, this is kind of it.

I’m not saying anything about suicide, or depression, and I have attempted that before in my life. I never will go back to that. So don’t recommend a psychiatrist because nothing they say or do will cure this.

I just need people to talk to, advice on what I can do and how the hell i am supposed to deal with this shit.

Thank you in advance.",3.6061325928972967,4.884361907239821,4.5037721102427,86.62883929795696,72.46153846153845,6.986535033593857,25.837378307966546,7.348242739294969,1.1548286576168922,1721,55,353,18,33,557,215,442,0.181,0.69,0.128,-0.9885,4,0,0,0,0,3,67.0,1,3,1,7,22,22,4,0,12,0,38,7,1,7,5,80,62,27,7,7,15,0,0,0,5,5,6,4,0,0,16,32,0,1,5,6,1,12,15,7,0,1,15,4,37,15,71,39,8,67,1,2,0,0,48,27,2,10,24,229,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218193555696943,0.06707320361807062,0.0,0.15153682193711746,0.0,0.2504974149682652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051455367329558674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504018335843245,0.0,0.0,0.18679962273584005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109054943297154,0.11636472402337902,0.0,0.04612519504751751,0.0,0.06438605858609878,0.08524949297353157,0.2382198992603328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517942306936024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060413017942129325,0.0,0.0,0.04879820848435836,0.07800816074318133,0.13034175787646093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264182037142977,0.08511388803392153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844408614299835,0.06375173542174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915720888955433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29229620959879343,0.0,0.039532279511911066,0.0,0.12900792537958605,0.06346491842335464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541752566833898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725527710603922,0.08371304347155263,0.0787943307878585,0.041583967992930376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206701319379595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159684933144644,0.0,0.07671328767969855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640093062784285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221052633771456,0.05835816208923926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260341622708098,0.0,0.0,0.0805816523850819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446321613192556,0.05245716770357329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246696077423656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722485873726347,0.04847347599261536,0.07779708782102647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24069005861314874,0.0,0.07657787182551544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766989958227917,0.06259156650563756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411142247794559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535566724979839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661928632599462,0.3310646008367611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245201315934872,0.0,0.0696629413917403,0.0,0.0,0.050269023324668184,0.0,0.0,0.06007022668164605,0.13236408307513506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333523509851641,0.0,0.08925934822598479,0.0,0.12138914890064195,0.0,0.0,0.07014299370297426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684233557377856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745264303820098
suicidewatch,possiblethrowaway12,2018/03/13,"Fuck everything I can't fucking stop whoring myself out to guys on here. I keep doing it and everytime afterwards, they leave, and I feel even worse than the time before. I am going to fucking end my life tonight. None of you really even give a shit, so I don't know why I'm posting here. Fuck my life, fuck reddit, fuck the internet, fuck everything and everyone.

Bye,

Emily",3.622374429223744,5.4478605753424665,4.834452054794522,82.07213470319637,73.38356164383562,8.702283105022829,27.235159817351605,9.2995712137729,2.4606365296803654,294,11,56,7,6,97,53,73,0.31,0.665,0.025,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,0,5,9,8,0,3,0,4,11,1,0,0,8,17,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,1,10,0,6,17,1,9,0,0,0,8,5,2,8,0,6,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873841299865704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318248522895134,0.0,0.0,0.1688059055709268,0.0,0.0,0.12210717640544685,0.22969572985850906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461359324544602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8269674305969459,0.0,0.12258616098384045,0.07262502358470756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265304866137512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358409349620564,0.0,0.0,0.07022909594150044,0.0,0.0,0.1353093358186772,0.0,0.0,0.1805212805832063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238584691263785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818644434480652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131172831569559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068367228521208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745143728713973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115309045200428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022717310536672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spoonfedsam,2018/03/13,"Living is a losing proposition clearly wasn’t meant to be anything in this game of life. i’m just way too different from everyone else. an outcast. an outsider.


i’m a lonely sad sack of shit who’s not gonna accomplish anything. loveless. i have no friends out here.


the saying goes “life sucks and then you die” right? well why don’t i expedite that? do i truly bring anything good to this world? it’d probably be better off without me in it tbh.


one of these days.",0.6830521091811406,3.2033984301075265,2.2989247311827974,91.32223325062034,91.58064516129032,5.442183622828785,23.282878411910676,7.010146845296331,1.0946714640198514,366,15,73,6,13,119,74,93,0.218,0.627,0.155,-0.7699,1,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,4,9,2,0,5,0,8,3,1,0,1,7,14,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,5,1,1,2,1,5,4,11,8,0,10,0,3,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079820668882876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198273602266204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270163206584412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355195335022767,0.21498100207866028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718905516899966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661761552235446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589738036094214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258621812733865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29067631227060825,0.0,0.0,0.1816945791290553,0.0,0.0,0.23019880060528825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394319304633409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221849855744818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572248972666699,0.0,0.1636328698943244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121518098891728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332696199033822,0.0,0.0,0.1850077664545325,0.0,0.1856712290208704,0.0,0.0,0.19835046041374824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dpthrowaway25,2018/03/13,"Cant get through this I've just come out of a 5 year relationship completely out of the blue (she left me) and been put on antidepressants. The doctor says that they won't work for at least two weeks. Tonight, I am at my lowest, I can't leave my bed for the fear of my suicidal thoughts taking over and leading me down a path that I won't be walking back from.

I am talking to people about it but it really only makes it worse. I don't want to hurt anyone - but in my mind it's the quickest and easiest solution to end it all. In my mind, I don't want to, but the thoughts are there loud and clear.

I don't know who else to turn to.",2.265985401459858,3.069664540145986,3.792416058394164,92.27402554744528,75.13138686131387,7.523795620437956,23.918978102189783,7.908726449838941,0.8654940145985397,490,14,120,7,10,163,86,137,0.1,0.7909999999999999,0.109,0.5142,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,7,0,12,1,0,2,2,22,22,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,2,0,1,3,3,16,0,23,16,2,19,0,1,1,0,6,10,0,0,5,80,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263741698703358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389741200072644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568726759194856,0.1894972922030113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499001224592085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098096748430234,0.0,0.16007763540307593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033772117548695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442661946150012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348064063211773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932727304997796,0.0,0.0,0.19137235308095252,0.19636919267563285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206420689818924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649818169845798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374571721769715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529894744068495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816886742384524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578351989926987,0.0,0.0,0.1940418371431504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437277893751495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769484245758748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589028700865338,0.14526801076060344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869669296011531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658786708658607,0.17655191081499816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320446512013308,0.0,0.1449747789846357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157729040377542,0.0,0.1841844866170314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638746555094324
suicidewatch,zgv10094_loapq_com,2018/03/13,What to do if you're a 30 year old wizard that has never worked before and hasn't gone to college? I'm still 18 but I feel like it's going to happen to me and it frightens me a lot. Would there be a way to fix and recover your life? Would suicide be an option?,-0.3875706214689245,1.3213353559322023,2.245000000000001,96.48128531073448,85.27118644067797,4.611299435028251,16.612994350282484,5.46131890053228,-0.7393412429378531,202,4,49,1,6,70,45,59,0.168,0.779,0.053,-0.8438,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,1,11,12,5,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,33,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450302039911216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122856942935864,0.21366950191265266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699793784841526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644837374589063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112556634209339,0.14611995601196456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542750823430536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067615634200403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138439760209518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885315301018384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271552208290225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374032162460691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774061964902552,0.0,0.0,0.4249290067996427,0.0,0.0,0.1926037448458874
suicidewatch,Dollfinger,2018/03/13,"Job search catch 22, and it's downfall. I graduated from university back in December, I was really stoked and had a generally good time the last three years. I went back to school after a long bout of severe depression, I was jobless then, homeless, and had no confidence or self-esteem. I got somewhat cleaned up and started meds and found a program that took a big investment in me. They accepted me as a student and an employee and I worked fucking HARD to be the best I could be and I...enjoyed it.  
  
Now I'm graduated, it's been three months and I have been trying so fucking hard to carry that momentum and enthusiasm and passion forward. I can't even get a reply to an interview...I'm sending out resumes, carefully crafted cover letters, portfolios. I've spent every bit of my last bank account trying to make the best first impressions...Following up in days or weeks with emails and phone calls and it's like falling from the mountains again.   
  
It's somewhat fucked up, I'm losing more confidence in myself everyday, that in turn makes it more impossible to find a job which feeds this cycle... I've run out of money to pay for much of anything. No more meds, no insurance, I've got one more month before it's all done. I'm not even just applying to my field but any part time job. I can't keep this up, I thought I would be okay if I left enough in my account to buy a gun if worse came to worse but it seems I can't even afford a painless suicide. I cry myself to sleep every night, look at my phone every 3 minutes hoping for some response and god knows what I would do if it were, maybe fuck it up but I need it right now... but nothing just never anything...  ",3.8450151057401847,5.252980474320246,4.938554682779458,83.23748761329307,72.05135951661632,8.075456193353475,28.94996978851964,8.608573733854374,2.152292954682779,1311,52,260,23,25,431,186,331,0.14400000000000002,0.769,0.086,-0.9649,6,0,0,1,0,1,46.0,0,0,1,5,11,15,4,0,15,1,19,7,1,2,2,50,46,26,1,8,12,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,18,18,1,1,6,0,9,8,8,6,0,4,16,3,26,9,36,24,14,47,0,2,1,5,7,18,4,10,24,171,44,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485637002863127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569663973798225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667067773908274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115472218087398,0.0,0.20017449084443156,0.0,0.10412174695861333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738568482159572,0.10908039537131446,0.0972383194861909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614694539261943,0.0,0.10476188914364827,0.06150718244659715,0.0,0.08214394063961801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759887850272747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854498263037854,0.0,0.18897732629133468,0.0,0.2410655889014623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716846779386801,0.08112354907269065,0.0,0.10457070040253713,0.0,0.3526802678201161,0.049828040905402916,0.0,0.0,0.07999368086791364,0.15255572992532068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086952580431056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472611926273287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28392659264165504,0.08477119812264343,0.0,0.0,0.05241406981189621,0.15548215289008235,0.0,0.0,0.10362218006959167,0.0,0.0,0.04659404205355309,0.0,0.0,0.08440140046625004,0.08008863231417393,0.10669710241990034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273233751758558,0.0,0.09581419907867564,0.0,0.21187403983701228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225036866820266,0.0,0.0701095445322061,0.0707172817429842,0.07355692420596709,0.0,0.0,0.08950035394553442,0.0,0.09151220314894763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462667453580881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327880434232196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109787683402785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144734218660983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652176340149594,0.0,0.08682327373858922,0.09949400999059614,0.10774344532412873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954410819253933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750493776061542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432171301843783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571487779721989,0.11122459969937183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059620292416673,0.12950293395025406,0.10373757250401412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650183029631262,0.0,0.0,0.08841098976865606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694321013062903,0.0,0.1943848500694441,0.1354993565079907,0.0,0.0,0.061416573286446
suicidewatch,Dipshit_Kris,2018/03/13,"So fun to write cover letters when you hate yourself It just feels supremely dishonest to highlight even the talents that I do have.  Like, am I sure I didn't just *dream* having marketable skills and a good work ethic?  There's a special cognitive dissonance when you're trying to wring out self-praise on the same day you decided it would be too much effort to brush your teeth.
 
It's exhausting to pretend I think I deserve a specific job when I'm not *totally* convinced I deserve to live.  And from this side of the veil I don't know that I can trust my judgement on what kind of work I would love or hate if/when my mental health improves.

And forget about salary negotiations.

Sure would be nice to have a robust free healthcare system in the US right about now.",4.092494407158835,5.927663120805375,4.299479865771811,86.35288870246087,72.15436241610738,7.114317673378077,27.181767337807607,7.793537801064563,1.5653619686800897,611,22,118,8,12,190,102,149,0.113,0.626,0.261,0.9751,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,3,0,4,12,17,2,0,8,0,13,4,1,0,3,21,20,8,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,15,15,16,14,3,12,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,6,77,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422676027385927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272265561872729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973966511858712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156415269436047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38035330216006585,0.0,0.2047506599463336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114992946876527,0.0,0.0,0.2005886024455181,0.10586129662422837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410651995646872,0.0,0.17009081631584927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385098235135768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412002334737694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160104942335358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450012909539044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094919058466068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36309231111167417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342589565324648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077927886363205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317033570734353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28046561917466034,0.0,0.0,0.4105044014850238,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abracadinkleberg,2018/03/13,"I'm going to do it this month I don't know when this month,but it'll be this month ",-1.6014285714285703,-0.41910138095238203,0.8669047619047632,107.54892857142859,86.61904761904762,4.2,10.5,3.1291,-2.2336857142857145,65,0,20,0,2,22,14,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537256066385314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793743263962487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9495843745314404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fontoman,2018/03/13,"Tired of trying severe reoccurring major depression is killing me over twenty years and this may be the one that does me in. Naturally dying inside so rapid. 
Make the pain go away....

It hurts so bad. Crying for days.  No desire. Living in fear and pain. 

God make it stop.  Take me 

Potter’s field is fine   

No one to be with and help me 

So fucking tired just a long long long long long sleep. ",0.4818181818181842,2.957313805194808,1.8516883116883136,94.25467532467535,92.76623376623377,4.358441558441558,13.493506493506494,6.11248444174946,-0.7839506493506492,301,5,63,3,11,96,56,77,0.401,0.515,0.084,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,1,3,0,5,6,1,2,0,10,10,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,0,0,4,1,8,7,1,13,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,1,8,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386571009138687,0.0,0.1189657905668013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650882887738388,0.09188854048884963,0.0,0.12271878689827374,0.0,0.14787291615342582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468619540980215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033088128332218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317215070668547,0.0,0.0,0.08097530860806322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550209682746973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252899455224458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763425796556138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581344653410606,0.6304565739775403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021451885203186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309779975369093,0.0,0.3032199320418633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096311917181785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258402631945485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912060301824468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712807637564299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32752219398170346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673533330879384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175317510305198
suicidewatch,oxypoxy,2018/03/13,"does it make me needy? wanting to hear a thank you? 

hearing you call other girls love. when you don’t even call me that. 

knowing you’re going to cheat on me one day. 

blocking me on some social media and changing your username when i find it. 

knowing you’re getting tired of me. 

name calling and put downs. 

not helping with the cooking or cleaning. 

hearing you say “FUCK THAT” to marriage 

paying for almost everything. 

believing that i’m a half wit. 

tormenting my dog. stressing me and her out. 

making me believe that you don’t care. 

everything is always my fault. 



am i needy for wanting more than this? 
am i needy for wishing we could be a team?
am i needy for wanting to feel cared about? 
am i needy for wishing to be loved. 


i’m starting to feel really empty in a relationship that i want to work so bad. 

i don’t want to be alone but right now i’m in a one way relationship and he doesn’t even realize it. 

or maybe i’m just needy? 





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suicidewatch,UserAnonymus,2018/03/13,"Talked with a friend about suicide. I tried to convince them not to do it and they went home.  
Now they are not picking up the phone and voicemail comes in Been like that for 2 hours or so.
What can I do?
",-0.6496899224806221,1.5390315116279076,0.10267441860465176,107.09106589147288,94.34883720930232,2.8666666666666667,16.468992248062015,3.1291,-1.4360356589147285,157,4,39,0,6,47,37,43,0.095,0.742,0.163,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,7,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,7,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323849374228578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981151190400897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870498722974377,0.0,0.37999519046799424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851211029146808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220691187882676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101403179144965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619741740783076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35769685392589423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KardikCam,2018/03/13,"Give me one good reason to live here are my problems:
1) I am chubby and have pear shaped even though no one in my family history has ever been fat.I workout so much but my weight doesn't seem to decrease.My thighs and hips are wide like that of a fat women and I feel embarrassed to go out or have any social interaction.
2) My father is 6ft tall and im only 5'10.Every male in my family circle is around 6ft tall except me.
3) I have tight penis skin and i have problem retracting my skin.I cant have sex with such penis.
4)I have pimples all over my face and they disappear when i take medicine but reappear as soon as i stop it.The medicine is very costly and i dont understand why i have pimples when no one in my family is having it.
5)I am shy of public speaking.I cant talk in front of an audience.I cant talk to girls,i get nervous in front of them.I never had any girlfriend and my cousins always taunt me and show me their girlfriends pictures.
6) I had gynecomastia but recently i took surgery for it so this problem is off my list but its worth mentioning that i had man boobs for almost 6 years.
7)Im jobless.
8)Im not good in studies. I forget very quickly.My percentage in college is below 60% and i cant sit for any good companies. Im fat so im also not good in sports.

I feel like a complete loser.I am no better than a completely paralytic person....useless. The reason i have not committed suicide is that i love my mother and i cant imagine what would happen to her if i die.
So i would like to ask you pundits what you think of my problems and what should i do.",1.072292700212614,3.1654834156626563,3.1814883061658428,89.64490786676117,82.31325301204821,6.074557051736357,22.71651311126861,7.285733465282438,0.8863636428065202,1242,43,264,18,34,421,176,332,0.132,0.7509999999999999,0.117,-0.0195,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,2,2,1,14,15,0,2,5,0,37,10,7,2,4,48,50,28,2,8,10,3,5,3,2,3,2,0,0,3,10,15,3,2,8,3,2,5,14,6,0,3,5,5,41,9,32,42,2,31,0,0,0,3,22,17,1,4,11,168,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207436384419576,0.0,0.0,0.07353215896056632,0.07650953411999882,0.0,0.0,0.18758689086951494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185474649395606,0.08596057718270983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132205633857104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281506688349986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542929379518997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077643886420422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060731923767645385,0.08317378720175349,0.07747160601476595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600460419812889,0.0,0.09298508381123646,0.06568889932048806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803993433200785,0.08820655128929478,0.052257145637795134,0.3084922550469749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131083494052782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966073886651418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347659679074073,0.0,0.0811932885683507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298821349492062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759362507886515,0.0,0.07091729364250357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692253263721972,0.06993190651644134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028695003582999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519338610870505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907925554950566,0.09078925695768313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370757294693285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373116143716603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768740843028604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057807113714773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913474718763056,0.14781140609033788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891766868807356,0.09034013439362876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215952371316356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572290272920952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517362997712654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196998923177737,0.0,0.0,0.08297032167384642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063688779237906,0.0,0.0,0.059212605873450924
suicidewatch,wqreytiupo111,2018/03/13,"I'm addicted to child porn. Ever since age 15 (20s now) I have been watching child porn. I wish I did not do this to myself, but I did, and I can't find a way out. I still cannot break the habit no matter how hard I try. No matter what meditation or other mental exercise I do, it's a compulsion I cannot help.

I've dug and dug and still not found. So I pray. I need a miracle. I have to break free. I never want to hurt a child and I'm not even attracted to children (and don't even think about them except for trying to figure out how to break my addiction), but the videos are unbelievably addictive. I can't even imagine anything else having this level of hold over me. My problem is terrible compared to even the worst cases on /r/NoFap because I need to do it daily and it's children. *Children*. I can't believe it. I can't believe this is real.

Even if I break this finally... what do I do then? I have that in my past. How can I ever live with myself fully?

I can't seem to do anything about it but cry and hate myself, no matter how hard I try. But I don't want to be at risk of hurting a child. I need a miracle.

-----------

If anybody has the ability to give me advice in any way, please do so. I will use it to improve myself and grow in love. That's all I want.",-0.6102297702297719,1.4498761355311385,2.2891108891108907,93.38543456543457,89.84249084249083,5.213852813852816,18.52913752913753,6.714681859716394,0.10076410256410284,967,28,222,13,33,339,127,273,0.185,0.6759999999999999,0.139,-0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,1,0,18,10,1,1,10,0,30,7,0,5,4,50,46,22,0,10,11,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,15,11,0,1,6,2,1,1,16,7,0,0,4,3,37,4,28,40,2,26,1,2,1,3,11,9,0,4,10,161,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689982165361989,0.0,0.11025442326666177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672705343036093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569601032583533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877903100428706,0.0,0.0,0.2542375165800779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393649324255725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942534936038165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726098506870133,0.20411915518361545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359779161080495,0.1031229420164938,0.0,0.0,0.12371031116132078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082351022874399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021438330609644,0.11139450078139572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756263724098323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415698697410674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996293785982722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183186673759874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370430055240507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509820694103845,0.08702007298948047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770729544970777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385149546481836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796136141928944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842320687362288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271456697620822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333266317601924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020951222975606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722957626591289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22980884980619104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097447349364937,0.0,0.0,0.19964700873566968,0.17911556645708304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974687594030396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thatchyklaww,2018/03/13,"Broken I feel as if a shambling wreck falling apart at the seems. I already know writing this was probably a bad idea. Well lets begin. I've not suffered anything truly horrific in this life. And yet I find myself wanting to die.

My history means little to me and most likely nothing to you reader so ill skip that part and simply explain my state at this moment. In my mind I deal with Dysthymia ( chronic depression ) which has also aided in my development of major depression along with my nihilistic views of the world and existential distress ( its a lot of words I know but in the end it just means I've lost my will to live ). As with my body I care so little I tend to forget meals, I've always been lazy so I have not real muscle to speak of and only really perform maintenance on my body in the case of irritation/pain or if not performing maintenance will cause others to observe me more closely. 

I value my privacy and I doubt I would ever be considered the trusting type ( I do solemnly believe that anything I say or do can and will be used against me in some way ). I have no real connections to anyone, over the course of my rather brief existence I've grown to loath my family and will be severing all ties with them as soon as the opportunity presents itself. through constant moving I've learned that all ""friendships"" are temporary and despite no longer moving around cannot seem to classify connections as anything but temporary. I feel terribly lonely and yes I do understand the irony in that statement, I will not allow lasting connections with others but crave them all the same.

I see myself as a lazy and frankly rather useless human being, a waste of resources better spent on trying to save this doomed world from its own destruction rather than on someone like me who would gladly watch it burn. I am inherently broken... I want to speak about it yet I know the consequences of my doing so and would rather avoid a trip to the padded room. With a need for those with rather destructive personalitys on the decline I really see no reason for my continued existence.

I had a good run but there seems to be no place for me in this society, I am unneeded and problematic so why not just destroy this hollow shell... but I am afraid. I fear death, I fear non-existence. I just want someone to come along and end me, perhaps I could even save a life when they scrap me for parts...

I'm just tired of trying to find a reason to live. I sustained myself on books their wonderful lands full of danger, intrigue and most importantly purpose. But after filling my head with so many worlds I so wished to visit my mind elected to remind me I would never see them and I could no longer bring myself to read. I moved on to games next and through them I came close to entering new worlds. But after a time these new worlds were found to be empty without meaning or purpose once the top is reached. On to movies and television shows. But they as with all other things must always end and after a time I lost those as well. Some will say such things are meaningless but such things were my reasons for continuing on in this life and without them I have returned to reality, and if no matter the road I take i'll end up in the same place I would much rather elect to take the shortest route to the end.

I'm not sure what I really want, to be saved and continue on with this life or for it to just end. I truly am sorry you read this, I am broken and unfit for this world but i'll stay a few more weeks, Ha... I'm reminded of that old saying that time heals all wounds, it seems however that my experience with time has been different to most as I find time only helps my wounds to fester and grow worse time is not a helper or a hindrance but a force to be weathered, and now my mind is broken and my body weary. I will remain these few weeks two or three more, by then perhaps I will have the courage to bring about my end. ",5.157460159616512,6.01634207282185,5.5738132027843665,81.95744027129709,68.45383615084526,8.736183992452638,28.47244957801065,8.897581704614359,2.110639083097478,3110,103,607,52,51,996,334,769,0.179,0.721,0.099,-0.9967,3,3,0,0,0,0,65.0,0,2,8,7,34,38,4,6,34,2,53,15,4,6,9,157,94,65,2,24,40,0,2,2,0,14,10,5,1,2,38,44,1,1,25,5,1,16,17,21,2,2,11,12,88,17,110,58,24,100,1,9,5,0,25,42,0,21,41,440,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452237468708058,0.04675791301930538,0.09730235565227936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088312458346028,0.0,0.14434586382171766,0.052050112099037066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881945970960784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587492802932148,0.0,0.051711383027242916,0.0,0.19483877958711385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687335276304128,0.0596133926628157,0.06006412208492903,0.0,0.05036616235383258,0.0,0.06318458890697927,0.0,0.093366026474961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027932595742602,0.10071912007726527,0.0,0.06068194762460522,0.061088019583823185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625053871805588,0.0,0.0,0.03861845006544029,0.05288886879482768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719423750988643,0.055119693586477635,0.1315885341781833,0.05912771394717568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031976259574754,0.0,0.0,0.0641086174366412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904131142250067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000641502533525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039190768590183334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600477210570145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639966654904604,0.0476603189014014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059788865335615685,0.1651945063503174,0.057130335846264126,0.11720328563719802,0.10325900336113468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765239105265666,0.04970854511619767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927873736869955,0.0,0.19107076844037088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771121081521842,0.0,0.0,0.186430977388805,0.04298169517628392,0.04335427747895385,0.04509516236941973,0.11294011295013813,0.06218281032764743,0.0,0.0,0.056102912191240674,0.0,0.061353740593569926,0.06226794278998475,0.0,0.08893714120167527,0.06221550407449114,0.0,0.0,0.1266332028265729,0.0,0.0,0.05105317563671523,0.12217603916764637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303984166679556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697033263656195,0.13310182736039966,0.11237087627029074,0.18034867008624095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949150665421406,0.0,0.0,0.13977749059291827,0.2129131781379537,0.0,0.06605371572535293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908177032568058,0.0,0.0,0.06545164329800893,0.0,0.06232054077289216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055106664465441976,0.0,0.08792333970078227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653330165769844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456366699914308,0.06720190937626637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939369266515899,0.0,0.057116052850859036,0.06086864880668176,0.0,0.050498740016141186,0.0,0.0,0.13794693517195486,0.046410243492034174,0.09380116137292624,0.0,0.1051419237147162,0.0,0.05275948834971648,0.0,0.06723685968592863,0.11272472165500393,0.0634075090895431,0.0,0.0,0.059585256389267226,0.20767472092668213,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DatsFoRealDoe,2018/03/13,"Would I be able to hang myself with this?   So well....I found this tv cable in my patio.  Idk exactly how long but about 2-3 meters.  Its kinda rigid but I managed to make a small (simple) knot.  Do you think it would hold well during my final moments or would it snap?  Also, I'm not of legal age, so idk if I can opt out of funeral if anyone discovers my body.  I kinda just wanna decompose in the woods without a trace left.  Fortunately, now I live near a forest (a bunch of branches) so I might succeed, maybe in the middle of the night so I don't wake up my family.",0.27202086049543794,2.3661560847457643,3.0500000000000007,89.36260104302478,85.61016949152544,5.664667535853977,17.551499348109516,7.010146845296331,0.17622086049543695,430,10,92,6,13,151,83,118,0.085,0.85,0.065,0.334,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,1,7,0,8,2,2,2,1,24,12,11,1,6,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,13,2,16,6,1,17,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,6,6,65,18,3,0.2133337983270752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706029614467836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916795204816735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369657572791626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111211884092908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23369674839362994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339094985790787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317877960886367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883776523791765,0.18879369829633053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240196694741544,0.0,0.2143224744309476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263134471644267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019931810212965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669568392675913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836254101105059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564616875295408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454638628457579,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arsonicwaltz,2018/03/13,"So much for wanting to live. I really did want to live, but now everything just feels like pain and I have no more escape.  I can't catch a break even in sleep, so I really don't know what else to do.",0.4479545454545466,1.955288795454546,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,81.5,7.127272727272729,15.545454545454547,8.07648339933343,-0.025345454545454338,153,2,39,3,4,52,34,44,0.157,0.691,0.152,-0.3007,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,9,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040379548114596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007639698820444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586386808412749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455105371938005,0.20559054497811055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815671229216038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405950831530367,0.0,0.5082311507121228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115518810752197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30621888841331474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687192909377174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879884693002978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394809523507433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Certiceri,2018/03/13,What is the point of living when I cannot stand people because of being betrayed and belittled constantly? I have anxiety too,5.412608695652175,7.95789569565218,6.338478260869567,70.10163043478265,70.30434782608695,9.817391304347826,33.23913043478261,10.125756701596842,4.258669565217392,103,5,15,3,2,34,21,23,0.339,0.6609999999999999,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36983583117217256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947049629195205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224347410167459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268927883509809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351614588733684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570139253133958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UCSCNerdling,2018/03/13,"Being transgender and in college fucking sucks. I'm doing very well in school, but I can't stand being in this environment. My environment is mostly comprised of normal, young college students that are social butterflies and enjoying their undergrads. If I decide to be ""out"" I will be one of those disgusting ""man in a dress"" types. Suicide is the only logical choice given my scenario but I can't afford to do it right now... I wish I had the strength to just call it quits but my personal goals and family are binding me to stay alive. I have to rise to claim what rightfully belongs to me... My achievements, happiness and stability even if it means never coming out of the closet.",5.763587051618552,7.242295000000002,6.5448293963254605,73.27285214348207,67.50393700787401,9.738932633420823,32.22134733158355,9.994966539143718,3.4709132108486447,543,23,91,13,9,179,86,127,0.09,0.752,0.158,0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,4,4,7,3,0,4,0,15,1,0,0,1,20,22,9,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,2,0,14,4,16,15,1,15,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,3,3,72,21,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338414990181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884472044029947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449262387875958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062327498956446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022452836843141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328800625170953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382998854321085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687255268907662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143438519868248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824124077999218,0.16638110632003275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101769471824714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268415736600456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37364927564966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214024792654686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300399221792694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233175035314969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392940730623336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050454136350336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669655839962447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515696580501036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giga-butt,2018/03/13,"I wish it would all end. The past few days I've felt horrible. I've dealt with depression for a long time, but it's getting worse. I don't have many friends, I keep worrying my boyfriend is going to leave me. It's honestly probably just me over reacting, but it's how I feel. I keep thinking about how badly I wish I could make it end, but I dont know how. I'm too afraid to go through with it. I keep trying to find an easier way. I have left over Zoloft from when I was on the medication, and I keep thinking I should over dose on that and see if it does anything. I just don't know where to turn.",1.2901678321678354,2.6822020307692327,2.997552447552448,94.62108391608393,78.69230769230771,7.18881118881119,22.58741258741259,8.00094639256281,0.7958461538461541,464,14,115,8,11,154,79,130,0.16,0.738,0.102,-0.7601,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,10,3,0,5,1,32,29,10,0,6,6,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,7,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,3,17,2,15,24,2,17,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,1,7,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019722320406427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121956320882151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661924519446115,0.0,0.0,0.09419841011318372,0.0,0.125803659034488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782052373647562,0.0,0.1711844912234408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587365400335577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073853730644121,0.0,0.14024317522544574,0.0,0.13349873545766525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284774208521145,0.0,0.07631177442437563,0.0,0.16602168863982678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193092428498648,0.0,0.0,0.16054456886002896,0.0,0.0,0.15465939501657133,0.15869763866183392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292609646385571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749804034856713,0.14808473422337165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471428850245423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943345157667575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748038188883656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163931254479992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718226429958776,0.0,0.0,0.08517038206271925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916704031840652,0.1588743624756929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115937836698741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33592997889534165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833384391055796,0.14885045207955425,0.10375880870087184,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaylifeacc,2018/03/13,"Depressed Aethist Vs Depressed Theist !!Who is more prone to suicide and how can i stop myself? As the title suggests, I’m in the middle of nowhere.Agnostic maybe the proper word for me. 
Whatever, I’m in deep trouble and depressed.
Only something *miraculous* can save me from this misery. As a leaning atheist, it’s too difficult for me to believe and pray to god for a *miracle*. Every passing day is taking my hope away. 
This dilemma itself attributing a part to my depression. I hope people of this sub can suggest me some solutions.
Thanks",3.0367666666666686,5.990880210000004,4.18,79.93666666666667,81.9,6.533333333333335,31.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.8258333333333336,431,23,68,8,12,140,70,100,0.261,0.595,0.145,-0.947,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,11,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,4,15,11,3,8,1,4,0,0,3,5,0,3,2,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342936374095029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996257421131996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591018645064295,0.0,0.67262121074753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644935980811154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878240837473573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613942942500215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848473544448165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211420081263382,0.0,0.13535111167752545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150301158216183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632248945989106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355499983122164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679214621101436,0.0,0.0,0.17974581878647766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DebbieWinner,2018/03/13,"Can't find a new job, nothing excites me. Why tf would I not kill my self No college ed. No exciting jobs. Nothing excites me anymore. God I want to kill myself so badly ",-0.3011428571428567,1.9798840285714296,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,94.42857142857142,3.942857142857144,27.0,5.6839178017228535,1.0131142857142854,131,7,26,1,5,45,29,35,0.269,0.438,0.293,0.2903,2,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,14,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292035213076585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297098720310868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123450252755727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586910386970874,0.0,0.5113879919885571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232118628560896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435212685642399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110286938316275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631734363774872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085449247438524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417713818518562,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SIFY-YouTube,2018/03/13,"Whats the Reason for me to be here I am very stressed and I can't calm myself down. I had 14 friends when I started on high school, when I said I was Muslim.. I only had 4 friends and I wonder what I have been doing wrong. I've done nothing wrong and why do people hate me too much because I am muslim :(

The country I live in is christian and I have nothing against them. High school is giving a lot of homework and extreme stress on gym. I do not have time on saturday or sunday. I don't have any time to do anything. I only have 7 min free thats why I'm writing this. I am the unluckiest person, I am depressed and life is boring 14 years old. My brain is not working so you may think what did I write or you may not understand.",0.13764705882352854,2.1554511273885346,2.2168602472836305,95.61786436867744,85.4968152866242,4.458448857249906,21.337204945672536,5.5289334501034215,-0.07831105282877493,565,19,129,3,17,189,93,157,0.166,0.758,0.076,-0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,1,5,11,1,2,4,0,28,2,1,1,0,20,36,11,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,5,6,0,0,4,1,1,0,5,7,0,0,7,1,25,5,10,26,2,17,1,1,0,0,10,7,0,6,10,90,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964807951092983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675216187678887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648651683416378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838094756257556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219790751197865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518878246750488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922665932131494,0.0,0.0,0.13610073970723194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400735402402361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998003438243462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021147421163587,0.0,0.0,0.12527943187771376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206182141782879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042954546828922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27226840225922,0.0,0.14887538161206212,0.0,0.0,0.21580674149267612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835920938640713,0.12388097175317415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587253535840067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349569149395664,0.0,0.0,0.2871729168381405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042082321401424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250377994487757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909086476351743,0.0,0.0,0.16545850176276486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476983022002581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706286175715093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560427085857051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538588686109441,0.10328768534506293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31023907166918924,0.0,0.09136372912867216
suicidewatch,Municipal_,2018/03/13,"Not avoiding death , but won’t let anyone kill me I’ve gotten this feeling over the past few years what you could say is a loss of will to live. After failed longtime term relationships and friendships. I’m scared of death but I know eventually my distaste with this place will over come that.It seems like even when I regain it it’s almost a feeling I don’t want and is extremely short lived and based of external factors me and an ex re kindling whatever it maybe It doesn’t ever last I don’t understand it I make jokes about my personal suicide a lot but I always assure people that’s all it is is a joke. I have never told anyone fully about my longing to leave this place. It’s not so much I want to be dead I just don’t want to be here anymore . I’ve wrestled with the thought of complete and total isolation moving somewhere where it’s just me separated from the nearest person by miles of area no one has a reason to pass. If I do decide to end this I don’t want to do it somewhere foreign I want to do it here with my memories I want to burn out in the same place I ignited I guess. These feelings show no mercy by way of reason.I feel like the world has betrayed me and there is nothing left here for me, I am just ready to hang my coat and lay down for the last time. 

Any thoughts would be appreciated. ",1.7801098901098875,3.80233010622711,3.2441941391941387,90.50497252747256,79.43956043956044,5.958241758241758,22.954212454212453,7.010146845296331,0.6873399267399272,1041,34,222,12,26,341,152,273,0.158,0.684,0.158,-0.9049,0,2,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,1,0,2,14,10,1,2,12,0,26,0,0,3,5,52,47,13,5,9,9,1,4,2,0,4,0,1,0,2,17,12,0,1,11,3,0,4,11,5,0,1,4,5,27,5,32,34,7,32,0,2,0,0,7,15,0,5,14,149,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495593988512685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552306459396824,0.0,0.0,0.0780681558170519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385107192891347,0.1605421091487272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098890312523749,0.12036595373666314,0.0,0.0,0.09165871594847587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167901099377756,0.0,0.0,0.07582453015429283,0.1038434639392389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321859692216991,0.08201337317067113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646549768748752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700954751327906,0.0,0.0630912548339441,0.18715516969628648,0.0,0.12155696543009628,0.12473088605181405,0.1173911074848741,0.0,0.1121712773495417,0.0,0.2027415756145343,0.10159467265694673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975991286989053,0.0,0.0,0.07663010655694755,0.0,0.11533235393621274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201457457733042,0.08439144596570193,0.0,0.08854108575301811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015400540363117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777916694284948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958989753767577,0.07958808875612211,0.20047842670945296,0.3598257083195155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23606770252851125,0.0,0.12325258330091544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912938240197566,0.11493514967432945,0.0,0.0,0.10450990179959938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557291972137608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822772651301018,0.06694099111765409,0.0,0.0,0.1096966275924528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951118413795615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062732267056449,0.0911231523058717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155085516122991,0.0,0.0,0.0739276436679853
suicidewatch,pleasedwithadaydream,2018/03/13,"Should have never been born My parents conceived me accidentally but i should have been aborted
My dad drilled it into my head my whole life how stupid i am and how ill never go anywhere
well he was right
My mother is a pussy who says she wants to kill herself but only chooses to do it slowly with a pill addiction
I wasted 4 years of my life and put myself into $50k debt
For a worthless degree
I was just rejected by two schools
One being a community college
Basically telling me my bachelors degree is worthless
(I still cant get over how much time and money i wasted)
I work somewhere that doesnt require a degree
I hate my job and im not good at it
I dread going everyday but it is probably the best pay i can get
I wish i was just fucking aborted
Why have kids that you dont even want
Now i have to live this stupid life of pain that i didnt choose
Ive wanted to kill myself my entire life
I always envisioned i would do it around the age of 26 or 27
Well here i am
I wish i had a gun or some pills to do it easy
Hanging myself is scary but it might be the only option",2.761705882352941,3.7677587869565237,4.513427109974426,86.80090792838878,74.17391304347827,6.976982097186701,24.83375959079284,7.285733465282438,0.9944654731457798,851,26,184,9,17,289,135,230,0.267,0.6459999999999999,0.087,-0.994,3,1,0,1,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,3,12,15,6,1,9,0,31,11,1,3,2,36,42,13,2,8,9,3,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,1,12,8,0,1,2,0,3,4,7,11,2,2,7,1,37,4,16,29,4,19,0,3,0,1,11,6,1,5,9,134,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196526556300582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835823786431308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592850738058155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666386725052193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262358334925996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601286515809138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039158710963113,0.1360751360260346,0.0,0.14802056455471574,0.10922716213135583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857094568752148,0.1336491670548297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066613309069162,0.0,0.12922894088380812,0.0,0.28815094697771443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36792913168420616,0.0,0.0,0.11499170367285586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814891801035642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957308940467377,0.0,0.20087621919525184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882443235633703,0.19808506868512546,0.13856935619202407,0.0,0.14460025977179286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040536043485302,0.0,0.0,0.13091282523074732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121206017353356,0.0,0.10356072578622212,0.0,0.13179538915915046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399843460287016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382302620619675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593566924629068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721161372086642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304315252258568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341771379123604,0.0,0.11750846420672678,0.14539237468683272,0.2995063207363008,0.0,0.0,0.09480588096734112,0.0,0.0,0.09250862081488,0.0,0.0,0.08386109921592237
suicidewatch,BeyondTheWall000,2018/03/13,I was ready to do it After a few attempts in the past I’ve decided to do it again. But something is pulling me back. The thought of how hurt and broken my parents will be is the only thing that keeps me alive. But I really want to die. The pain is unbearable and I’ve had enough. I don’t know what to do,-0.12413646055437155,1.7313456268656715,2.0562899786780378,97.36776119402988,85.26865671641791,5.619616204690832,20.01918976545842,6.868970318607317,0.11608912579957398,235,7,58,3,7,79,47,67,0.19,0.72,0.091,-0.8508,1,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,0,10,15,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,7,10,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923664395667115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30940252653658085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080386815576421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191446920244936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26498363901188543,0.0,0.0,0.16383950282365276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267344512487373,0.3172217587589293,0.0,0.3310280857352098,0.0,0.2845902237057376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098394381494696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295081075383524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805834282924706,0.0,0.0,0.23667477032731005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583948744615804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itriedmyfuckinbest,2018/03/13,"I've tried for so long, but I dont think I can do this much longer. I've been through so much. Abuse, neglect, isolation.. I've had to stay strong for everyone. I've never been allowed to have feelings of my own. And now I've been pretty much rejected a second time by my only friend, whom has some sort of feelings for me but I'm so confused. I know they'll have a fine life without me, as will everyone else. 

I just cant take anything anymore, I dont even care if its painless anymore. Nothing can hurt more than what I've already been through. 21 years is a long time to hold onto hope that one day you can smile. 

",1.4136666666666675,3.2235111615384646,2.7042307692307688,94.96993589743592,79.69230769230771,5.564102564102565,24.679487179487186,6.42735559955562,0.5857948717948722,481,18,109,4,12,155,84,130,0.151,0.6559999999999999,0.193,0.6511,1,2,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,6,9,0,1,3,0,18,1,0,1,1,18,26,8,0,2,5,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,2,11,5,15,19,6,10,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,5,8,70,16,0,0.0,0.186448045095557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173652700410971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312121316250159,0.0,0.0,0.12949538392617246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044088065206186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148536678033096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688538024801292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145562275886072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393600936223353,0.0,0.0,0.3007319580946754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591337461748816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157736507536905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629581090635167,0.0,0.0,0.16845910136801034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864819503629278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114931936368212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27852054808486404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470371699027414,0.0,0.1213671499057354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509929268750127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663245344971066,0.1196807681940072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600935610440266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772678080696365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831651765948673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083111129153688,0.0,0.0,0.18351790549480326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683835796316513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169119559998162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013358638526106
suicidewatch,MrMrFitzwilliamDarcy,2018/03/13,Will I be committed? Will I be committed if I tell a doctor that I actually don't want to live anymore? I really hope I die. I want to die so badly. Living is too painful. The only reason I seek help is only to make life more tolerable until my ultimate and definite demise not so long from now. I am just waiting for the time to come. I know it will come.,0.5274999999999999,2.6026731333333366,3.7995833333333344,84.51937500000003,84.33333333333334,7.4833333333333325,21.375,8.472884824447931,1.4825,275,9,59,7,8,100,52,75,0.219,0.632,0.14800000000000002,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,2,2,15,17,5,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,7,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.19536440608060407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985426587837072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715699937259976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449057658179265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155479123017827,0.0,0.0,0.204911174912439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418852481384005,0.0,0.0,0.1988418236018944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100236060012933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140579473128884,0.0,0.0,0.3535570705354518,0.1771689636805961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336337448644728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045192581908783,0.2130248273415239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825198944533994,0.2058369259019202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498190921421386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673708585206825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23616397941672085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HunterPasternak,2018/03/13,"I'm a Failure Okay let's get some stuff out of the way to better give some perspective on me. I'm 17, I'm ugly as shit, I'm 99% sure I might be autistic, I'm constantly depressed, I have no friends because I'm so scared to interact with anybody because I don't want to make them uncomfortable by making them talk to me, I have no professional skills or hobbies, and I'm failing school because I can't get motivated to improve myself. Oh and I'm so desperate for somebody to validate my own existence online because I have nobody to reach out to my life. 

I've socially ostracized myself from all of my peers, I've been isolated for my entire life from everyone since I was young for a lot of bad circumstance that left me socially awkward and unable to even do basic interaction, I don't have money to pursue any form of higher education, I want friends but I know I won't get any because I'm physically unpleasant to look at and can make anybody instantly regret just being close to me cause I look like a fucking goblin, I'm gay and my parents would flip their shit if they found out, I'm getting unhealthy and I can't walk outside my house to actually exercise cause I'm scared as shit somebody will call the cops on me because they don't want their kids seeing my ugly ass walking down the street, I have no motivation or driving force in my life, I can't get a better job cause seriously who would want somebody as disgusting and pathetic as me being anywhere near their coworkers. Not to mention just on my appearance alone I'd probably scare off any customers.

I already got my suicide planned out but I'm so scared of losing my consciousness. Idfk what to do...
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suicidewatch,throoooowawayyyyyyy1,2018/03/13,"I don't want to be suicidal. I hate my suicidal thoughts. I find them annoying and they seriously interfered my life and my decisions. I hate going from suicidal to normal every several hours to every several days.
This is very annoying.",3.7911627906976766,6.876292302325584,6.424465116279071,64.31995348837211,79.46511627906978,12.742325581395347,34.181395348837206,11.20814326018867,6.175478139534885,191,11,29,10,5,68,29,43,0.502,0.498,0.0,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128635283408812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169057109392115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718879831641326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688166117818032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37135046189483256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520612090913585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283585597904196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426374884649427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42491979002577535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6171376865326113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930258577974465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517330292963416,0.11092559685001188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,calladc,2018/03/13,"Life life life blah blah blah 33 white male in Australia.  I have no will to live, im not even coming here for help.  Im coming here because im lonely, and I don't know when I'll eventually kill myself.

So I live this isolated existence.  With no friends and estranged from my family.  My life brought down to this room, 2 cats.  The drive to and from work and the occasional ubereats drivers.

I first tried to kill myself when I was 10 got stopped by teacher.  Hated him, until he got another teacher fired who was hitting me and locking me in a room (im not a stable person to be around, was probably justified in hitting a 9 year old me (at the time)

Parents beat the fuck out of me and would kick me out at odd hours.  Father well respected community member ""just kids making up stories"" etc

So when I turned 18 and my mother got drunk and said ""I wish you would fuck off out of my life"".  That's what I did.  Got in my car and never went back.  Never spoke to my parents again.

Tried a proper suicide attempt in 2011.  Fucked it up.  Homeless for a while but still had my job.  Kept going most days.

Spent my years in and out of psych wards ever since.  Diagnosed borderline personality disorder, which doesn't really help to have a name to it.  The disorder covers so many personality aspects.  But I've been told by several doctors and psychiatrists that I very much fit the criteria.

An infection in my lymph nodes flared up in 2014.  It's  spread to my brain.  It's not fatal, but it has severe quality of life side effects.  Medication isn't working, the reality is that it's there to stay.

I have no will to live.  I have no desire to be the one that kills myself but I believe it will come to that.  I have excluded all family members from my life and have nobody I consider a friend.

Thanks..

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suicidewatch,Lostallwill,2018/03/13,"Lost all will to live I'm not looking for help. I'm just looking to say out loud what is in my heart. My wife of 23 years has left me.  I have no more will to live....  The pain is unbearable. I get repetitive panic attacks where I get a pain in my chest that is so strong I am sure I am having a heart attack but recently I pray that it is a heart attack.  I just wish I could die....  please just let me die.... I have had enough of this life.... I have had enough of this pain....please let the next attack be my last....

I asked my wife to try and work things out but she says she has no more any love for me. I say think of the kids. She says they will  get over it. Well I think the kids will get over my suicide too. I have no love for life so I should quit just like my wife did. I have spent my whole adult life with her.... I have never known a life as an adult without her.... i won't be able to make it....

Good luck everybody.",-1.0307988862711497,0.8036782610837463,0.7566074105804255,105.35829513814524,89.04926108374384,4.3186121225101735,13.259584493467553,5.511479884284512,-1.4713472263868068,689,9,188,4,23,222,100,203,0.161,0.664,0.175,0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,1,4,9,16,4,1,9,0,29,12,4,1,3,23,46,6,3,3,8,3,0,1,0,6,6,5,0,4,9,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,8,1,0,5,7,35,8,21,30,6,14,1,1,2,2,21,8,0,1,7,126,44,1,0.09295972374759637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632157998731218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690479306371382,0.423020423457361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422077521089031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295503360476385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210448866355534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427047554805327,0.0,0.0,0.0779702058352636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304731606735624,0.06230894332113606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577458202334271,0.0,0.0,0.10100101184824424,0.19011523149178886,0.2626408081142669,0.045415425446057665,0.0,0.1641702783404341,0.0,0.15612551088658888,0.0,0.1014765196631,0.0,0.16779956014427566,0.0,0.062051337445605474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169626973933399,0.0,0.09886372081064136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967471006458701,0.10906820652641418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408372278747566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887410884414127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178651245611692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957012138167796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168284980617172,0.0,0.08761343949896812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175830983688309,0.1191296748566591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311355038809087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358195566310553,0.0,0.0,0.10378621178106953,0.10689909460747596,0.08960985641720509,0.0,0.0676757860332165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986301428918909
suicidewatch,blackman9977,2018/03/13,"I am alone I don't think I have any friends. Friends should care about you but one's I have aren't they sometimes don't even listen me. School, exams etc. puts a lot of pressure on me. I love a girl but the problem is she is not real. She is an anime character but I really love her but I can't do anything about it. I can't think of religional stuff anymore. I don't know what to believe anymore. I am a Muslim and I believe Islam but something is just messing with my head. When I think about it everything seems true but what if it isn't ? Etc. Etc. A lot of questions. I don't really think that no one cares about me. Except my family. I don't know what to do. I never seriously considered suicide(at least now). What should I do ?
",-0.4968831168831187,1.735526584415588,1.8516883116883136,94.25467532467535,94.84415584415585,4.877922077922078,19.337662337662337,6.574015621080383,0.2253350649350652,570,19,126,8,22,192,80,154,0.073,0.743,0.183,0.9558,0,3,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,1,0,8,11,0,1,6,0,22,3,1,0,2,28,34,9,0,4,10,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,12,4,0,2,0,1,26,7,12,32,6,5,1,0,0,2,12,1,0,5,3,98,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344262158507019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826356693906566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25743919791908604,0.0,0.0,0.10680843004474212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29246411871471706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26466485611892304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342599033312534,0.08572693209994874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664941561511305,0.0,0.12235711742576055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055521824746864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320487636664066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426614766552267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069042464120092,0.23428617116078346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010422261713142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590194491065173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419419780159915,0.0,0.1304776309792883,0.14539766049965314,0.0,0.0,0.14773264200361155,0.16629720532907888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135726099539136,0.0,0.11815850671432525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992085230205272,0.1283684156702333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858172380506246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332663987555129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cili0c,2018/03/13,I’m currently studying theatre My grades are shit but i doubt this will take me anywhere. At least it helps me pretend like I’m not depressed. I try to forget depressed. I’m only alive because of Rainbow Six Siege because I wanna see all the upcoming dlc and I’m addicted to it. Already had a suicide attempt. Couldn’t do it. Noose is too hard to tie. It was a shitty rope anyways. Btw i live in Mexico and go to school in the US. Life is so boring and dull. I don’t know why I’m posting this. Probably cuz it’s 2 am and i have insomnia. I’ll probably regret this later.,-0.3558382352941152,1.9101096416666683,2.4046078431372564,90.39529411764707,94.25,5.156862745098039,23.72549019607843,6.794906146795322,1.0886519607843137,447,20,92,7,17,155,83,120,0.245,0.63,0.124,-0.9495,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,1,3,8,1,1,4,0,11,4,1,1,1,14,20,7,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,2,10,1,9,16,2,7,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,1,3,55,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442106857075744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271749518063439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509843615744815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546190195338792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699669329704156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441282228831615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798563690358354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313692709252865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540713280009065,0.10057426865872944,0.0,0.18178081034604168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656809644926256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971598587976449,0.0,0.4439102888567851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834435768845488,0.16404616663629004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131542251615484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251807211745252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478336434490714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397674713028394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476278550541743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575934753334647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alienatedoutkast99,2018/03/13,"... There are times where I feel fine and other days where I wish I never existed . 28 and loneliness is a motherfucker. Never had a girlfriend or even a home girl. Im afraid to interact with the opposite sex because I my self tell my self that there’s no point to try because I’m a useless piece of shit , unemployed, living off my parents , sleeping on the couch. Even when things were going up for me , it all came crashing down . I just really want to die . I literally sleep my days away just so I can ignore life. I try going out and adventure with friends and family to change my perspective  but I still feel empty.  My dreams usually end with me dying and feeling at peace. I can’t keep myself in this hamster wheel for to too long , even tho I’ll never want to bring grief to the people I love but when one feel useless or like a parasite I think Everybody would have been better off if I never existed. I guess me never have a partner ever make me fell less than a man. Money bring happiness temporary, i crave substance. I really do feel like i don’t belong in this time, place, and society.  Maybe venting will buy one more day.... or this is it ",2.8207894736842114,4.762181078947371,4.3305614035087725,84.31926315789475,75.9298245614035,7.893333333333333,24.55789473684211,8.697196308434329,1.7972642105263152,898,30,178,19,20,299,142,228,0.104,0.725,0.171,0.9521,3,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,1,16,14,1,1,10,0,14,6,3,1,7,40,33,16,3,5,8,1,5,2,3,2,1,0,2,5,8,11,0,2,6,1,2,6,8,6,0,2,4,5,28,8,24,27,4,37,0,3,0,2,11,14,1,5,19,124,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045317849123233,0.0,0.0,0.13564528636234854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839981899476943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725101171612327,0.0,0.0,0.11769759834930678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152591536039465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309391980239827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854272583991716,0.0,0.0,0.2204571763800575,0.10064041631815217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488537638026756,0.0,0.2812802524983442,0.07948367385338596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595866751958874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646246057856886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256467431208012,0.0,0.0,0.1184376051860114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160216024414593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017914783824253,0.0,0.0,0.09889238747965784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858574153411207,0.10871135864653177,0.0,0.09824400978565047,0.09846098891581763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004158718343467,0.0,0.07426645388975152,0.0,0.11177493194838428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290501969704548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078437679907708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354029797178324,0.0,0.0,0.07713319724261962,0.0,0.1162422994300956,0.0,0.10517601087641944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255112688896088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321354517995614,0.0,0.11420608367855722,0.0,0.0,0.22267932185147804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888518293100871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972455415761754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391574232917185,0.07129047389509363,0.0,0.0,0.1297523976814252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107553753614095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253641222944042,0.0,0.13124724825724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279427165849839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903542219402257,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trevor_Seph123,2018/03/13,"Everything is too much My parents tell me they love me, but they don’t care about what I’m feeling, they don’t trust feelings. They just want me to stay at the school that makes me want to die every single day. They think they love me, but they don’t know what love truly is. ",3.360689655172415,4.056070068965518,3.4925862068965543,95.84853448275864,72.44827586206897,6.4896551724137925,21.396551724137925,5.985473137389443,-0.09784137931034476,216,4,51,1,4,66,37,58,0.066,0.545,0.389,0.9779,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,7,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,0,10,17,2,1,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,13,5,4,17,2,3,0,0,0,3,12,1,0,0,1,32,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999548083855104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548147352380525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341180915684801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006223172780512,0.0,0.20273820126597236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22812167522630386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397375080926215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6107886182561599,0.0,0.15057747321372034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582843565438715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504816769126535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283006277999749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404399766718939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716826595191653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445435840960927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661077508583759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zelo-s,2018/03/13,"I want to die I see a therapist today (midnight here), but I don't think I can last. And I don't want to tell my therapist I'm suicidal because he'll have to tell my parents and I'll be yelled at and have my privacy invaded.

I don't know how I got here. I don't. I was bullied severely in elementary and even had a teacher tell me I will amount to nothing because I was failing math.

Dad has a temper on him. I can do nothing right. I'm not allowed to have secrets, my entire family and my parents co workers know *everything* about me. They know I'm gay, they know I cut, that I borderline an eating disorder. They know I was raped by my former best friend, they know *everything*. Because my parents told them.

And I feel I can't talk. I feel unheard. I feel like I have to scream, but if I start, I'll never stop. I'm tired of being silent, just smile and take it.

Like hey, a customer threatened to shoot me because my handscanner didn't work.

When I try to talk about my problems, my friends flippantly change the subject. But dump on me. Or tell me not to worry about it.

I'm tired. There's no end to this. Medicaid won't cover hospitalization, and I can't go until I move out and do it in secret. But even then, I have to worry about costs.

What am I supposed to do?",-0.2242481203007501,2.0350558984962426,2.234902255639099,92.57588721804514,91.51879699248121,5.446015037593986,21.885714285714286,6.9916214562510826,0.7571485714285711,983,38,216,16,35,335,133,266,0.157,0.6609999999999999,0.182,0.6348,4,0,0,1,0,2,42.0,0,0,5,4,12,12,4,0,6,0,27,5,0,2,1,38,51,19,2,4,9,4,3,2,2,3,2,2,0,0,6,10,1,1,12,0,1,2,12,7,0,0,7,6,47,5,25,39,2,19,0,1,1,2,23,7,0,2,12,140,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25130793965410364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081595282976558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902826680017487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696437671587164,0.0,0.11812051204160842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054604153357958,0.0,0.0,0.09128429768128957,0.0,0.0,0.13614587542697404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525493001952414,0.0,0.09715976332402304,0.0,0.15633708169980168,0.07362909116824888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592543036995359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857376482418261,0.0,0.08242986265742895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398483618826878,0.0840110857500059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070393262865904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095409429961366,0.0,0.0,0.07948947132656227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778577548648268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34332182024307256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986185284394401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801627095280347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212883043170331,0.0,0.0,0.11643321958019814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294937726730716,0.0,0.0,0.08616629324226746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127355161357368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749145831682762,0.1656782136298959,0.3603306439823271,0.0,0.0,0.23933097955696395,0.0,0.06603938327676974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369142926992725,0.0976928187064597,0.09848226797166452,0.0,0.06997383228069592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157988098712492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503197129987671,0.2093334132393535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,call-me-worthless,2018/03/13,"Finally had the courage to take pills Finally, after so long of waiting. I have been contemplating this for 3 days and I finally got the guts to take some pills. My life ends here. They should kick in a few hours. I loved my wife, but she betrayed me, why else would I want to live?",1.3336842105263145,3.5725966666666693,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,82.33333333333333,6.60701754385965,21.780701754385966,7.793537801064563,0.7956807017543857,218,7,50,4,6,69,46,57,0.094,0.8029999999999999,0.103,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,5,1,0,0,7,11,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,2,7,6,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,8,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035792704208205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180787333012446,0.0,0.1927618755216559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7152324263601763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406427313835085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432870721960934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372352244430534,0.0,0.0,0.19217754962262995,0.19260198789266547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642598296271327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272720330108125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836800238416884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638363455691574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546031539610038,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwaway122231239453,2018/03/13,"Just a bad day So today has been a stressful day, almost couldn't pay rent, found out my mother has tumors in her lungs and they might be cancerous, my significant other got extremely pissed off at me because I forgot today was our anniversary because of the other stuff that piled on, ended up breaking my phone and now being constantly told by my other half that life would be better without me in it since all I do is make them miserable. I just want to end it all but because I have kids I don't want them to live with it. I am just at a loss.

Edit: forgot to add my spouse thinks I am cheating on them while I am just crying.",3.8099224806201564,4.69718611627907,5.0015503875969,84.73317829457369,71.55813953488372,7.593798449612403,24.41085271317829,7.793537801064563,1.1683550387596893,495,13,101,6,9,164,86,129,0.161,0.787,0.053,-0.9537,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,4,2,6,7,2,2,4,0,17,4,2,1,2,24,26,5,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,9,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,7,0,21,1,16,13,2,19,0,2,0,0,11,9,1,2,9,80,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677400277725248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573738091039593,0.34110471096515155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496281203890864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156311538073876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488474024833667,0.2405814404835437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304047777038301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451082893496533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917801384951354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174541418942132,0.0,0.0,0.16470160500072098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450432530229133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978694792639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542922342822747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365936312423184,0.0,0.2135221079339826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951523046954167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536005081691549,0.17822896535039198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003003019785985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979974603189566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249928332186645,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stratomint,2018/03/13,"So depressed when things should be going well I just need to connect to someone so badly. I've made so much progress in the past two years. I left an abusive marriage, got to see my kids really thrive, landed my dream job and reached some other huge (for me) career milestones. Clawed out of debt, cleaned up my credit, got some friends. 

I don't know how it happens like this but it seems like the smallest things send me down this awful spiral. I'm just dealing with some run of the mill work drama. On the surface, normal stuff. But inside I just feel like I want to die. Like if I'm not making those perfect performance reviews I just dont deserve to live and I've let everyone down and all this progress is for nothing. what am I striving for if I can't claw my way out of this hole? I want to make my kids proud of their mom. Show them that we can live the good life in spite of a rocky start. I just don't know what to do or where to go for help. I'm so afraid and hate that even when I've worked this hard I still just want to die.",2.126014271151888,3.603362376146791,2.7195718654434238,97.1358002038736,76.61467889908258,5.394903160040776,22.202854230377174,5.46131890053228,-0.09483873598368976,810,22,188,3,18,251,131,218,0.161,0.6659999999999999,0.173,-0.7251,2,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,2,7,17,15,2,1,7,1,11,1,0,4,2,39,33,16,2,8,12,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,1,2,16,8,0,0,4,3,2,4,5,5,1,1,3,3,21,10,27,27,5,24,0,1,1,0,11,13,0,7,10,115,37,6,0.0,0.1604725027104233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308550945285906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963117015055615,0.11665300141922362,0.0,0.2811276078243724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587329402888252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945586710519525,0.0,0.0,0.1294173128383439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848178671243421,0.0967573079091342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463946691736163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539456676312915,0.11359940727402927,0.21664511881118687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976783861616065,0.0,0.12132631379105575,0.13371750156063994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078158706041092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440183559284188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886694045952573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715435155166104,0.13849506603113526,0.09566423420373647,0.2646736843388802,0.0,0.2391893943551839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815520525032734,0.18081253162970387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586239612484909,0.0,0.0,0.09956289817769072,0.10042594868585224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327009962407338,0.12995691563720568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292913954132463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676538594976936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792696756420364,0.12329814464445675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475662104230165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586408369354184,0.0,0.10816137943880036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504470547797009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995867309979002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230375700582905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396554499093157,0.10750479543088903,0.0,0.0,0.12177549770990526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720171565073394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721796830005298
suicidewatch,Flowerofchaos,2018/03/13,"Having “everything” but no will to live I’ve been to many therapists, life coaches, doctors, but nothing really changes. I have always had a type of depression, when I was a teenager it was because I wasn’t as attractive as my classmates (overweight, acne, missing teeth, braces, a perfect description for a fictional teenage character), when I got older My physical appearance improved very much but I found myself in a abusive relationship (involuntary isolation, rape, revenge porn, etc), and now Italy because I’m in a city that is overall a dull place ro be (I have no friends and I have tried, my work is my life, I live by myself). When I have talked to professionals about my situation I always get the same response, “but you have everything you need and more, that makes you “privileged”, take advantage of that.” But I don’t feel anything. Nothing. I do have my parents, my boyfriend (long distance), and yes my job does provide enough funds to survive and still afford luxuries. So WHY?! Why do I feel so empty? Useless? Lonely? No matter what people do for me, I don’t feel any better. Sometimes I sit in the kitchen whit a knife in my hand but I don’t do anything, I’m to scared of the pain. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be that “sad” person. Or “ungrateful” because people see the materialistic side of me but are completely missing the reality of who I am or what I’m feeling. I’m scared of failure, but at the same time I feel like giving up and ending this numbness. Sometimes I just think of other ways to deliberately hurt myself, such as limiting my food intake little by little or overworking myself.  I don’t know what to do. I don’t expect answers. I wantes to anonymously write this down. Maybe that wouls help me see what I’m really doing. Thank you. ",4.104810924369751,6.060216044117649,5.214537815126054,79.30470588235298,72.38235294117648,8.151260504201678,30.672268907563023,8.841846274778883,2.6995798319327737,1405,63,255,28,28,463,179,340,0.22,0.6459999999999999,0.134,-0.9908,3,3,0,0,0,2,55.0,0,4,0,6,10,21,1,2,14,1,33,12,2,1,1,40,61,25,0,4,12,1,6,1,1,1,6,0,1,1,15,6,3,1,10,1,1,1,11,13,0,0,7,8,45,8,32,51,6,23,0,8,2,2,13,11,0,4,10,174,60,5,0.0,0.12548196227176833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624549316233462,0.0,0.0,0.07202009630205641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503085513673327,0.0,0.0,0.17430415933687196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367897821021185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366575087156494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203510370027904,0.0,0.11104101907976527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121716976889134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839985754181072,0.09267954925239788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938017823916652,0.10942979287911464,0.1181138157855103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036398454141104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677477085298425,0.0756596716291085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806263951350974,0.11612108278708046,0.08182314987357305,0.0,0.05533180939614265,0.10159522803882133,0.0,0.0,0.08470315526294324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709869385102188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337516889148867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509592471147987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164069575207195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496098786316387,0.051740598407181294,0.21229240277791825,0.1870348754543029,0.09372397787486904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069345491907662,0.10737263483036988,0.1063973799598148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785351148505153,0.07852837645864254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032404120271006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126920527714384,0.0,0.11759670790694285,0.0,0.0,0.14684455542013813,0.09247352807933157,0.11064981999342854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569291563790378,0.0,0.0,0.11370401703366854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120618954400469,0.0,0.16878764203529936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904341705080244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948860281377785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457712009697718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962855709999886,0.08512368576362897,0.0,0.09750453661294813,0.0,0.1229656854148525,0.0,0.0678606509197806,0.0,0.0,0.06175497008212291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190360615602419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738400805666456,0.12493287267626525,0.0840637022321256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911284054913917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710124110130827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notesallover,2018/03/13,"confused, and wanting to die First thing, I'm not depressed, or at least I think I'm not, I just want to die. I don't really feel sad often or more than normal, it just occasionally when I'm at home and lonely, other than that I have a pretty good social life, and when I'm out with friends I feel happy. But when I'm home and I have a chance to think about it I don't want to live. Again I'm not depressed so I don't need therapy or medication or anything like that. Occasionally I want to cut myself for no reason or poke myself with needles in my legs. I've never actually hurt myself in any major way but I've come seriously close, I decided that if I still wanted to do it I would do it the next day so I had a whole day to really think about it, after that, I went to sleep and the urge went away. I can't explain the urges to hurt myself other than the fact that I want to punish myself because I think that I'm a bad person. I know I sound crazy. I also have a reason for wanting to kill myself, it's because I truly think that there is no purpose in life, because there really isn't, and there are no cons to suicide except for hurting friends and family, and the pain of doing it to yourself physically. Those are the only things holding me back. The thought of someone approaching me and just shooting me in the head inst scary to me, I almost wish it would happen, so I wouldn't have to live this pointless life anymore. I have never been through therapy, but I believe that no amount of therapy will ""fix"" this, neither will any amount or type of medicine because it isn't a feeling, it's a belief that pushes me to want to kill myself, not a feeling. I've actually searched all over for the web for someone like me and I haven't found anything, can you even be depressed from thinking something likes this? Because I font think you can. This is not a joke, I'm being 100% serious. I've never have talked to anyone about this at all. I just need some help/advice. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Any replies at all will be appreciated. Thank you so much for reading.",4.476122766122764,4.759987785547789,5.652354312354312,82.8378477078477,69.74592074592074,8.033877233877233,28.243201243201238,7.793537801064563,1.6042562548562547,1636,53,340,18,27,547,180,429,0.174,0.71,0.115,-0.9767,0,2,1,1,0,10,46.0,0,3,0,1,25,26,4,1,18,0,33,9,4,2,7,83,74,28,5,17,21,0,4,3,2,6,5,1,2,1,30,15,0,1,19,2,0,5,21,17,0,1,6,5,47,9,53,59,12,33,1,8,0,0,9,13,0,11,17,244,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.14239292244826318,0.0,0.0,0.07129369072732678,0.0,0.0,0.07305687519405228,0.0,0.0,0.058344467837123715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884177855938965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723547087773917,0.051013913866428916,0.0,0.12007639727477235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854642100857034,0.056100180875471035,0.0609168633270041,0.22237252799759386,0.0,0.0,0.08219865625937388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284683703310825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410371898691347,0.0,0.18851579601633928,0.0,0.15143772306587008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048188055716523535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877828760921316,0.0,0.1475589812252442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620580179541285,0.0,0.07999465601833541,0.1127343040793867,0.0,0.03811753174600085,0.0,0.0,0.06119368962851466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451649810175468,0.07766512315021304,0.0,0.0,0.07487593276503297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048902194085908714,0.0,0.1463655990946215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343090699505011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143438382397496,0.0,0.04009579613585458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545971303078617,0.1069307469175391,0.0,0.12884646066238548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349748624544625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053632507737510784,0.10819483097666006,0.16880906870583634,0.0,0.07759163621536001,0.0,0.07148332700153646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554878291105983,0.07763243143349584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370409138426532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422449146146855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297772045122956,0.0,0.140216244759993,0.150025902952088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301066636495789,0.07437146972305989,0.12363411428617753,0.05616661508847714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826433466509048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798041852644124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058640858302709424,0.0,0.06716990299583894,0.2503014151044615,0.0,0.09694007611380807,0.3272396801727472,0.0,0.05792048424218028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872925459238411,0.057910646217594876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352655512023829,0.0,0.08145497582587713,0.0838980729485334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365450716919486,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joed_,2018/03/13,I’m a burden I keep fucking up relationships and friendships with the people most important to me. I can’t handle it any more. Goodbye.,2.649102564102563,5.435423653846158,4.582307692307693,77.64602564102567,81.69230769230771,6.543589743589743,27.89743589743589,7.793537801064563,2.2929128205128206,109,5,18,2,3,37,24,26,0.113,0.703,0.183,0.2006,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516154821423413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780094937356042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595827007666136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584611921197566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551241226217688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OfGettinItOn,2018/03/13,"I would like to know My adult children will be bummed when I am gone -- but they don't seem to have the time of day for me now. On the other hand there are suicide hotlines, and you guys, etc., who go out of their way to help and would stop me, if they could -- but when I am gone, they won't even know, let alone care. Why is that? What difference does it make if there are a few strangers more or less in the world? I am not trolling, I am hoping someone can tell me. Because why would you care about me, when the people who are actually in a position to love me personally (or not) DGAF? ",4.472543554006967,3.8836060569105726,4.789686411149828,92.01951219512196,69.73170731707317,8.329384436701512,26.51451800232288,7.447530270364453,0.9011542392566784,447,11,111,4,7,141,82,123,0.1,0.731,0.16899999999999998,0.8999,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,4,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,19,2,1,1,0,21,30,11,1,7,8,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,17,5,12,20,4,16,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,6,8,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.17290081338909996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350365700290355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800646634707327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612909034939263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414627424896473,0.0,0.0,0.11426557778311185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511398867138132,0.0,0.0,0.15505023895561704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760104045854845,0.11702483361914892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069471530444994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543472894083878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187591207285932,0.0,0.0,0.1759783868836112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474551532971496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117718360840065,0.0,0.08656054341494887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991065775801,0.0,0.11826813106255347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283337365624213,0.15470557141707678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129679728664026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012290326780753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812929291660826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938046962844624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548619579097367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033143012149728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063617296075362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197523637274232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775879087146023,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redditislife18,2018/03/13,"Fuck it I don't care I don't care. I know exactly what would make me feel like I don't want to die. I just want someone to not give me the same old ""it's your decision"" shit, I swear that makes me want to shoot myself right now. I feel so much better after talking with a friend who genuinely can see my perspective, that's literally all I need. This is bullshit, I've explained my story so many times and yet. God I can't even think.",0.3380645161290303,2.387549096774197,2.2477526881720458,95.51162903225807,84.91397849462365,5.870537634408603,18.97741935483871,7.1686216300943375,0.16254064516129094,338,9,80,5,10,112,66,93,0.238,0.619,0.14300000000000002,-0.7429,0,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,2,0,2,0,7,2,1,2,2,20,23,3,1,5,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,3,16,5,5,22,3,6,0,0,1,1,6,1,2,0,6,48,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802730057001745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156409999573549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154562979421826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462923753385847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612735706221547,0.14561775556115525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748024252526252,0.1884395729437692,0.0,0.19553440775237516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202083964205574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958211090815966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721191360343985,0.2066538455166993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149840111130567,0.1511389843697069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388759263941445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740715745047348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242786328842546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923081144156927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727063511074027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383259138047584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060743544194434,0.0,0.0,0.1188561877744828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606765160990896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479653785192526,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ritwikjs,2018/03/13,"Realising that I'm not alone in feeling this way hasn't helped me at all I recently moved to the united states on a green card that took 15 years to come. I dreamed about the better life that I was going to have and completely upended everything I had and moved without looking back. Six months on, and I got evicted because o found out my landlord was illegally subleasing to me, I got left of my job three months in without a reason for termination, my mom's breathing down my neck to come up with a timeline and a plan for what's next and I'm losing control. I googled ways to commit suicide and came across the national help line and put in my zipcode, only to find out I'm 51st in line. I can't wait that long and I don't think I can talk to anyone in my family without them taking drastic measures. I'm on the edge and I don't know what to do. I was a happy energetic kid and now I just don't find happiness in anything",3.905719410123557,4.56798353367876,5.3015544041450795,83.49568752491035,71.1761658031088,8.425508170585891,29.872060581905146,8.617729084823388,2.1330800318852132,734,29,155,12,13,247,113,193,0.062,0.8340000000000001,0.104,0.7612,2,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,4,4,4,0,0,9,0,12,3,2,2,2,32,30,10,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,16,0,2,7,1,0,8,9,1,0,2,9,3,22,3,32,21,1,36,0,1,2,0,6,17,0,0,8,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307502474376126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984193664064738,0.0,0.10573484034418076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879949436813812,0.0,0.07832521387514133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363737103923158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695627066419062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213624136182694,0.1347174326616366,0.0,0.1441104413941066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547690880897027,0.0,0.12112723940018105,0.0,0.06496749434236697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348717732988189,0.0,0.0,0.14088067887532127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302280482886317,0.0,0.20552750163733144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735561553469162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224586351709395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750471202142669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061375422841927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960280478709192,0.0,0.09075501520566563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370801333395937,0.10789772706105988,0.14374542931320505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048382642598346,0.20511611009993705,0.2731252438762163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664865791236572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772106567502642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916612924937496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210726884011315,0.126866596146106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405452358538222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660713552490442,0.10327394777000673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233005016005203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275511741920535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397590437474555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715741178278468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274218787369343
suicidewatch,TANNAMODE,2018/03/13,Life is nothing but a looooong slog and I'm tired of caring I used to want to kill myself because I thought I was worthless and had no value I thought no one would ever love me. Now I know that isn't true my life has value i have the greatest girlfriend on earth and I am a good person. Now I'm just exausted I feel like I'm in a constant daze can't feel anything it's like I'm seeing life through a window. I am exausted and don't want to keep doing this year after year. Only reason I haven't is because of her she would be so distraught and I can't do that to her but something has to give.,0.8548982188295184,2.4947907175572546,2.8094847328244263,94.36374363867687,80.7557251908397,4.97735368956743,23.13040712468193,5.46131890053228,0.15889262086514006,468,16,107,2,12,157,75,131,0.203,0.569,0.229,0.4638,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,5,0,19,5,0,2,2,22,36,8,1,4,3,0,2,2,1,2,4,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,3,17,6,11,29,1,9,0,1,1,1,7,2,0,0,9,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642763559985408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693844409764668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141943052451612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922875318012209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095491347246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994138084350458,0.12711878900721285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069413703664493,0.0,0.14924577168034794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815927886819292,0.19686179519337013,0.0,0.09778995304517613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770481589267127,0.17386282732686267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059579792739884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073610351404342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057524803937728,0.13532970351602458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553684102978129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294967825973246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179337679451018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369851999845219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825254505587311,0.0,0.20451330790986966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368111504327206,0.0,0.0,0.2099046313556711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25280379405990305,0.0,0.0,0.2291721989699046
suicidewatch,TheSynfulOne,2018/03/13,"Probably tomorrow I don't know why I'm posting here.. i don't really want help. 

Over the past few months my wife has been growing distant. I didn't realize anything was off due to differing work schedules and honestly just being completely oblivious. Everyone else seemed to notice that something was off, but not me. She had talked a few times about how the schedules we had was making things hard and that she felt it was hurting our relationship. I had been applying to other places around town but in this town either you know someone to get you a job, or you are way over qualified for the position, so i was stuck where i was.

I tried two different places over the course of the last 6 months. One wore me down mentally and had me on the verge of suicide, the other was too physically demanding and i couldn't do it. I still applied everywhere i could but it never went anywhere. 

In this time, my wife fell out of love with me. A couple weeks ago i was in tears because i noticed how distant she was being. I thought she had been cheating on me but either way i recognized that she was starting to hate me. She didn't talk to me unless it was about bills or if i talked to her first, if so much as our feet touched while laying on the couch she pulled away, she did everything she could to be away from me. 

The night i broke down she came out to the living room and told me she wanted a divorce. I cried the entire night. Over the course of the past two-ish weeks I've been staying with my mom. Im barely eating and doing nothing but watching TV and texting my wife when she isn't working. I'm pushing her away even more. 

She doesn't love me anymore, to the point that she already had feelings for someone else. She hasn't loved me for months. I did everything in my life for her and now i don't have a purpose. And honestly i don't want one. I married her to be with her for life. I don't want anyone else and i don't want a life without her. 

Tomorrow is our anniversary. It just seems fitting. I already have things planned out so that whenever she gets off she'll get a text with my wishes for my possessions, the money in my account and so forth. I'm scared of death, but I'm more scared of life without her. 

The shitty thing is i know this is all my fault. Refusing to do little things for her like the dishes. Playing video games rather than being with her. I wish i could take it all back. I wish she wanted to fix it. I wish i noticed something was wrong before it was too late. I wish i could just have her love me one more time before the end.",2.5389464704627827,4.339220493282152,3.488481126039669,90.67319087225422,76.31285988483684,6.704047771379826,24.437662614629986,7.554174236665415,1.0452190317764982,2011,67,428,27,45,643,221,521,0.134,0.775,0.091,-0.9687,2,0,2,0,1,1,48.0,4,3,0,4,23,16,2,2,25,0,58,11,1,3,3,74,97,31,2,19,20,4,4,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,22,22,2,1,9,4,3,6,16,8,0,5,34,5,88,8,63,52,10,73,0,2,1,4,52,34,0,6,30,313,110,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582779570347011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509994850751573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520023415819977,0.045969629145362484,0.06736234445987227,0.05410158752262486,0.0585259657755044,0.0,0.0,0.1853055361282228,0.0505529631893286,0.0,0.04007684127483989,0.0,0.11188634964510576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519345102765672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893117680267043,0.0,0.0,0.20996446115894132,0.07274432051390864,0.07221653308161081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737666257676787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672723724050851,0.1647616539926468,0.0,0.058229538057470415,0.0,0.0,0.04342319345119716,0.0,0.0,0.06282106689218082,0.1181726679386718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0332420663789525,0.0,0.06312440684281727,0.0,0.0,0.05592168596036474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304534579849332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058893576966554236,0.06490844173753707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406671741379815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703801520974689,0.0,0.07101464063546943,0.0,0.06524062754073988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083933032552274,0.05359001316972471,0.0741619273761113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857473045699528,0.03211912468237877,0.06589261009589853,0.058053024796830985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373455688672912,0.0,0.04388453096164417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625433855300157,0.0,0.0,0.07699840355008304,0.1574283435821565,0.0,0.048329294970085056,0.0,0.050705710766803504,0.0,0.0,0.12339230085209743,0.0,0.06308299802626986,0.22454942987076412,0.0,0.0,0.1336492044307326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551988944453624,0.0,0.0,0.13737666257676787,0.0,0.06214918935782642,0.0,0.0629644358495875,0.0,0.070882990777504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042117194331525394,0.0,0.0,0.07058429187948538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164212764642236,0.0,0.0,0.11970146532197652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140910298182526,0.10122565669938698,0.0,0.0,0.0465338360238718,0.07007419752421032,0.05250312422544949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191310218734345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943119392716186,0.15852725097702888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747091728716607,0.0,0.0,0.05219327392727308,0.1150073044119824,0.0,0.0,0.06282106689218082,0.0,0.044635759197509714,0.0,0.12844437867956554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23266455962711316,0.10436881738427103,0.10547150311163324,0.0,0.0,0.0609452084111564,0.05932359960365492,0.0,0.378010919682904,0.12674945231781876,0.0,0.09572461287016557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188058027808299,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Keoabr,2018/03/13,"Every day. Every F-ing day. It's like I'm used to being suicidal. Every damn day I think about it. About ending it all. It's so damn torturous because I'm too goddamn pussy to do anything. I'm stuck in this trap and I don't have the guts to do anything. Every day I keep telling myself that it'll get better. But it doesn't. I'm sick of lying to myself. I can't just ignore my feelings. But if I go near them I just wanna die. No one can empathise with me. I just drag everybody down. I'm not good with girls. Never have been never will be. And it's so disgusting.  I'm fine with the idea of dying. Suicidal ideation is as normal to me as my name. It's becoming a sick fantasy of mine. Everywhere I go, I go with a smile, because it's the only way to get anyone to interact with me. But no one knows the help I need. Which is ironic-since most of the time I don't want it. I want death, but life clings to me like a disease. I wish I could take the place of some poor soul who wants to live but will die soon so that they could live. 😔",-0.7101729482786752,1.2983362466960386,1.8280959373470402,96.93055637134934,89.61674008810573,4.948866046663404,16.777451460270846,6.42735559955562,-0.36791584271496136,796,19,191,9,27,272,119,227,0.197,0.71,0.092,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,1,10,10,4,0,9,0,19,4,1,1,3,39,42,13,6,10,10,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,15,7,0,2,4,1,1,3,9,5,0,2,2,1,25,5,27,33,3,17,1,0,0,0,8,4,2,3,11,120,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830710874328443,0.0,0.1955324761544673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448446223069131,0.13121058167580346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507320231749796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897119515100987,0.0,0.0,0.30647710301883285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699019163587768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522580097068816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003927150469806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007128301779999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124141222360907,0.0,0.2025585388522956,0.09964784028880334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963236169655644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341161726370575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559917633448934,0.0,0.0,0.06529201807985567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391535272969643,0.11608406090548087,0.0,0.2098136525482556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809226329288414,0.1832591913732496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640349185681725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101043164082898,0.09035641365558107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241257430211214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827656881198434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599063647210012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932643375582676,0.0,0.10384064288828904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612532688995757,0.0,0.0,0.06927604172465779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260921321132256,0.0,0.0,0.21022247008118347,0.0943017304618172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661967148027898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joosius,2018/03/13,"On/Off Thoughts I've been considering ending it for a long time now. I would chance to say that it's a miracle I haven't yet. But the initial reasons for why I want to end it have been cropping up again and again and I really don't know how to cope.

REASON 1: I'm alone. Not just with friends, but also romantically. After college almost all my buddies went abroad and aside from the occasional meme fest on a group chat we never realistically hang out. We're all growing apart. All of us know it. Typing up chatter and posting pictures isn't the same as actually laughing beside your friends. Pretty soon I'll have no friends.

Romantically speaking, I'm a 24 year old straight male virgin. Never been kissed, had sex, not even hugged by a girl. Never even heard or hear about any girl liking me or at least finding me attractive or whatever growing up. This I feel is what's hitting me the hardest. The ONLY semblance of any attraction I ever got with a girl is through online. We flirted a bunch and even admitted to liking each other. The only problem is we're literal continents apart. Chances of one of us flying to the other's country are very very grim (due to how expensive flights are) and I fear that it's just a matter of time till one of us gets sick of the other or just gets tired of clinging on to a fantasy where we could actually meet.

REASON 2: I'm painfully mediocre. I can't land a job I like. I mostly only had retail or customer service jobs and they've been miserable. As of this writing I'm unemployed (I quit cause I couldn't handle it anymore) and am looking at possible opportunities in my area. I've never had any impressive bullet points in my resume, which I starkly regret. I wish I could've at least given a shit back in college. Now because I barely have a degree (most companies in my area look for other things other than a college degree) opportunities are limited. Any special skills I have are laughably subpar and I can't afford to get to classes to improve them due to financial constraints. And also because of said money problems I have yet to even move out of my childhood home and I spend my days just dicking around on the Internet (when not looking for a job). My biggest fear in this regard is that I'll end up in retail in my childhood bedroom forever until I retire.

In hindsight, I realize I am mostly to blame for the two holes I'm in. I often cry myself to sleep because of these reasons as well. I wake up with so much regret and just wish that I could start over. But since that is a physical impossibility I rationalized that I might as well end it while things aren't already worse than they are. There are some glimmers of hope I guess, at least on the first reason I can conclude that I'm not completely hideous for someone even on the other side of the globe can find me desirable.

But as it stands, I could do better. WAY better. And I realize too late that I blew it. I just can't see some bright future for me. I always see my life ending suddenly and more often by my own hand. As of writing I'm not in that dark place where I crave to end it now, but pretty soon I think I'll come back to that. I just don't know what to do anymore.",3.7504078433881385,5.234253145768026,5.042504638218926,82.10110389610392,72.40125391849529,7.465216556842173,28.224169918751198,8.025739664096186,1.8543476680954507,2529,97,490,36,49,841,291,638,0.13,0.72,0.15,0.8589,6,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,6,1,2,10,40,32,1,3,28,0,43,13,5,9,8,104,79,39,0,14,22,0,2,3,3,2,4,5,2,4,35,25,0,1,17,2,5,6,19,10,2,4,13,13,63,22,86,59,17,91,0,4,6,5,27,40,2,16,45,349,98,10,0.0,0.0,0.12708560453750445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520322070804152,0.06743945481787722,0.07185597104905803,0.10414481055677344,0.054180858071822505,0.0,0.0,0.1771216067336978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915307513898225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057966114332080224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013876081253986,0.0,0.11908041495549225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517777080378695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668909946131592,0.0,0.0560907672958573,0.06827179052311834,0.0,0.0,0.20795596962719096,0.0,0.07152571952989747,0.041993758576816136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460351332081327,0.0,0.0,0.2150390653877628,0.05890020389623884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146544852822796,0.03292407728474351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902777680394895,0.05538674670410855,0.0,0.0,0.15092295606808576,0.0,0.10205962800949143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207837716803358,0.0,0.07173146307976416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338928569551212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531560812368475,0.06467384173696568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938496336632523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735642763120563,0.0,0.07345250444667349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599261776763399,0.09543563248798324,0.0,0.0,0.05762468534145916,0.16404048550275696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907667628249702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920689129864435,0.0478669834953379,0.0,0.20088266728461976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832719082680826,0.0,0.08824715618978485,0.14856857038430987,0.06928690212132464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803126803605405,0.0,0.061554678649483975,0.07340732706021451,0.062362126603978524,0.13249063516196727,0.0,0.1246124342380604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925776885678116,0.0,0.0,0.04171430696816385,0.3347450885397505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061939232535448065,0.0517820250331532,0.0,0.0,0.10377637593227858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668395646694543,0.053863762921234966,0.0,0.06516197935362966,0.0,0.05517168931351416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046088699665661835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651896432079488,0.04172303336868395,0.0,0.05169400015437538,0.07593810676718525,0.07484006095561929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360784859503274,0.0,0.2349758172135269,0.0,0.0,0.10745331306495966,0.03840648700584416,0.05168521972287365,0.0,0.0,0.11709232747752045,0.06036221482110352,0.058756118103313326,0.0,0.14975796741681474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663577011668045,0.04625579516222258,0.0,0.0,0.04193189557082429
suicidewatch,Pangenesister,2018/03/13,"It should have been a wake-up call I've been suicidal for ten years. Last year a girl I knew pretty well jumped in front of a train. That was already a hard time in my life since I had family affected by hurricanes and my old dog died. I was searching for something to help me feel better. As luck would have it my childhood friend visited from England so we got the gang back together to chill for a few days. Then on the last day my friend got a call that HER childhood fried was dead. I knew the girl pretty well but the loss took a far greater toll on my friend. Suddenly I was faced with comforting a grieving friend while in the midst of my own exacerbated, suicidal struggle. Somehow I found the strength to be there for her even though I was in crisis. I started thinking that if I did anything everyone would link the girl's death to me. I felt even more trapped, but that's why I'm still here.So many people were affected, even my my mom became visibly angry. In a way it confirmed for me the reactions the people closest to me would have if I did it. But guilt only got me here. Not even a year later and I can't stop hating my life. I still yearn for peace and I live as if I'm already gone. I thought that event was going to be a wake-up call but I'm beginning to think I can't change how I feel.",3.1537132352941204,4.2244216507352945,4.073558823529414,90.08026470588236,73.30147058823529,7.645882352941176,25.732352941176465,8.07648339933343,1.274508235294118,1027,33,230,15,20,331,143,272,0.173,0.669,0.159,-0.8483,0,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,3,15,16,1,2,20,0,23,3,1,3,0,34,44,17,6,8,8,1,4,0,4,4,2,0,0,3,9,5,0,1,10,0,0,6,3,6,2,1,22,4,34,10,27,16,4,38,0,3,0,0,16,9,0,5,22,146,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740196166858645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478850101998738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922706462447653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112552039521617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156288113123047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899669337214764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328972796385333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693340096849133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722128980550336,0.0,0.0,0.09845374855288426,0.0,0.0,0.09713162688854184,0.0,0.10419453876097844,0.0,0.09892914568800873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297186003812887,0.31841637068939177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855680248402776,0.0,0.2472179755341837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229855054828376,0.10172510143380614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906176113269888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797351406378425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555243426455036,0.0,0.0,0.09098122952752576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446067142022254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067259976823072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811723091677382,0.0,0.0,0.0783622753833121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428621070706277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096459758227936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523108916570038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932088584938117,0.0,0.0,0.0729282519024786,0.0,0.16456674954613476,0.08614134039895534,0.0,0.1077138865629302,0.0,0.22540573825535676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320405179456134,0.10123073775851647,0.08179777456194627,0.06008016519763831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447496756515288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178388088464543,0.0,0.0,0.1852805311513338,0.0,0.09297248594415697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195779641871728,0.0,0.0,0.19905225348867006
suicidewatch,CDNBuschwacker,2018/03/13,It's probably time I'm probably 15 beers in. Half a gram of coke and a ton of pot. It's Monday and I want to smash my heart. MY brother hung hi.self this time last year. Feb 10. I watched him die through the glass on life support. I've signed up for organ donations and I've signed away my life to my kids. I'm ready. Tell me so.ething to ease the pain,-1.1697402597402586,0.8955478701298745,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,96.27272727272728,4.358441558441558,18.688311688311693,6.11248444174946,-0.3649896103896104,274,9,69,3,11,88,54,77,0.093,0.79,0.117,-0.0516,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,1,11,4,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,5,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741040641569224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120577881645145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868259550909411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972999878371137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419288293171416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25755426065384684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5219335615375675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525070124914951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746712002578783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155907890122555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28227821341511244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427651412063544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586984019933686
suicidewatch,theanonymousegamer,2018/03/13,"Don't know why I'm on reddit... I'll just keep the sob story short.. significant other of 10 years and mother of my two kids left me.  She's all I've known and all I want to know. I'm not looking for the other fish in the sea speech. I'm sure there is. But the thought of finishing my life with someone other than her disgusts me. Fills me with anger and sadness.  I'm sure there's way worse stories on here and im going to get lost in a sea of more people with similar tales. I just wish I was important sometimes. 

I don't want to die, but I don't want to live if she's gone. I love the kids I do. And a big reason why I don't want to die.  But again, I can't live without her so I'm trapped in this limbo. I want to die but can't do I'm just tortured.  I always think well maybe she'll change her mind someday..  but can something so broken be fixed? 

I'm rambling...
I want to die but I'm too much of a pansy to do anything. Maybe starve myself... who knows.  

I don't even know if I'm asking for help or what I'm doing on here... everything's just, dark..",-0.5957446808510625,1.1932302765957488,1.8342978723404249,98.65400000000002,86.65957446808511,4.611063829787233,17.485106382978724,5.6839178017228535,-0.6537880851063833,805,19,202,5,25,274,117,235,0.129,0.693,0.179,0.7163,0,1,1,0,0,4,37.0,0,0,0,1,14,10,3,0,8,0,16,2,0,1,4,44,47,16,4,9,15,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,8,0,0,3,9,6,1,1,4,2,25,4,26,41,4,16,0,3,1,1,13,9,1,3,3,114,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733372290101208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626159762146294,0.0,0.1093571290970118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374550455829272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856120767554053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726179890174291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513083193917404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061115333013539226,0.0,0.06648037517950922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784068049465611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635456878646298,0.0,0.0,0.1039739855126494,0.0,0.0,0.2571486474638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709518430726302,0.0,0.08262387995688067,0.0,0.0,0.2065845816951076,0.0,0.09823070194094076,0.0,0.12769354220747334,0.0,0.10557575430658968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503700236722985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811280238616333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599110227206888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109669649039612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027120592003893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911371120227963,0.0900541359353809,0.11569263560354145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204977165505132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495374405318203,0.0,0.09286618310845073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426893057454658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139742149014376,0.09285040941794166,0.0,0.0,0.10517581819600896,0.0,0.21110598546172746,0.0,0.13451706951045642,0.11276106059416707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920892963998525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753289565623799
suicidewatch,kohaia,2018/03/13,"Is it bad to have a plan? I just kinda made a plan for my last day. I wrote it in a document on my computer and I have a lot more details on it there than here.

I'd take the bus to the arcade, play some games, take the bus to get some pizza, get some junk food at the store, and then go home. Once I get home I'd eat and watch cartoons and eat the junk food. Then a the end of the day I'd end it. I have more details with that but I'm not allowed to talk about methods here.

Before my therapist quit, whenever we talked about suicidal thoughts, she would always ask me if I had a plan. Is it bad to have a plan? If I have a plan does that mean I'll be put in a hospital? I'm just so scared and sad and desperate... D:",-0.5134704968944064,1.0896470124223612,1.893381211180124,99.41038237577642,85.08695652173913,5.764130434782609,18.13703416149068,6.9077264865688965,-0.2286990683229817,543,13,144,7,16,185,85,161,0.146,0.82,0.035,-0.9676,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,6,8,5,0,1,16,0,10,5,0,2,0,25,23,12,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,8,5,0,2,2,1,2,1,4,0,0,4,1,13,1,16,17,6,14,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,7,7,86,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257843594426962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413222059527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524388819467472,0.0,0.0,0.1286333183048339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498244255098302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228863362098192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093663711490354,0.0,0.0,0.2677809662196867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655872678664384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369380144758183,0.0,0.08591258156198336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032688008948507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322256010472996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851811170149854,0.0,0.14303935528775488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466688845220356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098959259819748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519661650930777,0.0,0.16078638105975454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134610934738402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535387906199756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731990176779254,0.2430071395316148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551836016700814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001095825815936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738581432726696,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrayusV,2018/03/13,"I thought I'd share my poem about suicide as well. (It's a sonnet and a piece of a greater story.)




This Is Not a Tragedy

Listen here, gather around one and all

I promise to tell you all a story

If you promise me you won't start to bawl

 This ain't a song of honor and glory



Take a good look and tell me what you see

I bet it's something you don't understand

You'll soon find out what it's like to be me

Take this chance, for the end is close at hand



A story of rage, a story of love

A story of a billion faces

When your own skin doesn't fit like a glove

On your own body, a thousand traces



And just maybe if I share this tale

Perhaps I may not decide to bail",2.232229729729731,2.5014328986486483,3.656324324324327,95.20894594594596,74.74324324324324,6.190270270270271,22.232432432432432,4.935628992294339,-0.13381837837837862,511,11,128,1,10,169,87,148,0.083,0.669,0.248,0.9695,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,8,0,1,7,12,1,0,14,0,9,5,4,0,2,21,18,9,1,2,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,1,1,3,1,6,17,11,16,13,6,10,0,0,2,1,15,6,0,4,6,87,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039217661956044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544462535207193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288892439607406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936675462792229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921338963266136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238250508846408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236195673255946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067455314952525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301326203853173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522444586216658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253993831856188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763500561240504,0.0,0.0,0.1621376410300304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505665069569144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444657849628593,0.0,0.40043632169776616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185679572732835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384710016950788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059623497478028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VanVliet098,2018/03/13,"I don't know what to do anymore. I'm very afraid. I'm scared of what I'll do and whether or not I'll take it too far. I can see no path forward in my life. All of my friends are walking out of my life. I'm tortured by horrible memories every day. I feel almost no emotions, and when I do, I'm so miserable that I can't bear it. I will never be loved. The universe is out to get me. And any time I try opening up to someone, they realize that I'm too far gone and beyond help. The only thing that keeps me going is the guilt that I'll inflict on my mom and my brother. But I can't see a future past this hurt. ",0.2589130434782625,1.524145688405799,2.8326811594202894,95.2364130434783,81.2463768115942,5.759420289855073,23.09420289855073,6.42735559955562,0.34004637681159444,467,16,117,4,12,163,84,138,0.199,0.76,0.041,-0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,1,4,4,0,12,3,0,0,2,19,27,10,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,3,0,0,4,7,6,0,0,1,3,16,2,13,24,1,19,0,2,2,1,6,10,0,2,7,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135341527021311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450139725017284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148182688831485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752544060100966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398720222870897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966818404338294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782312392170107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647526262115304,0.0,0.11141175724884443,0.0,0.12119209789253275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429336876464135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828327742099544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954203246448664,0.0,0.0,0.11719392366625787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30124262448751954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924620177977861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497500700801911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644677582079742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218249881260827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035665659278268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134955342536059,0.0,0.3398574528154246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068187127531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033376769203006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167056119536403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434492583535085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447794171525854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594953064590865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tylation,2018/03/13,"Suicide as revenge. I've reached a point in my life where I've been considering suicide for a half a year now. None of my therapy of 19 medicines I've been prescribed help. Someone who I cared about dearly left and I haven't been able to cope or trust anyone since. I was afraid this would happen for six years. I want to buy a gun and blow my head off right in front of her face, so she never forgets. I want her to see the viscera of my body exploding out the bullet hole. I've been reading up and people say that the best revenge is a success. I doubt I will be more successful than her since her current boyfriend is extremely rich. So I have to turn to the next best thing.",3.501642857142855,4.4712515928571435,4.030000000000001,91.105,72.35714285714286,7.028571428571429,27.57142857142857,7.1686216300943375,1.1609428571428568,533,19,118,5,10,168,91,140,0.129,0.648,0.223,0.9183,1,0,0,1,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,4,5,10,0,2,9,0,12,4,3,0,1,11,18,7,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,2,5,2,17,8,19,10,4,16,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,2,6,76,21,3,0.1741909918860675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179839166903307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656053985085046,0.0,0.0,0.19348692343725896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775993254488903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403651885026448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877021177748104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167565500727092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892590223601759,0.0,0.12303624900876875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343468314765571,0.0,0.18525409602455006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076210108249698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466679083664285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423813044231892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487581553072919,0.0,0.13852366826227472,0.0,0.0,0.13880766794944996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28818517705639496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475914621539307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810733455626702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992025801171915,0.0,0.11572475491539852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894697789695416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548472029476186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374028285214933,0.0,0.0,0.22434657539724676
suicidewatch,Emo8558,2018/03/13,Just done with life!! I've struggled with depression almost my whole life. I have no one that cares about me!!! I have never had any friends & never seem to be able to make friends!! The loneliness is driving me to suicide. I upset everyone around me constantly. Everyone would be better off without me anyway. I'm probably gonna take some pills tomorrow & die so I won't have to suffer anymore.,2.9036842105263148,5.532547000000001,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,79.0,7.484210526315789,27.921052631578952,8.472884824447931,2.4323473684210524,316,14,57,7,8,102,56,76,0.305,0.601,0.094,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,2,1,0,10,3,0,1,2,12,16,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,9,4,10,9,2,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,40,10,0,0.1724173707896884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265109120826325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736282984308215,0.0,0.11724972458056175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099170189378413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348801460818515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524891531144609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757910005354822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632192543051268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485028288155103,0.0,0.17894200968744586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644283235038782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295043731472956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664184659446653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435669759523777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508993384494293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659578110935145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683447264372128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589508741576372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696229882335808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802480717740912,0.0,0.18859661917224899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963640522729786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249783710740087,0.0,0.16620419271303485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224803533129569,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notimeforcricket,2018/03/13,"Suicidal once again After telling myself not to get suicidal again after my near attempt last year, here I am thinking ending it all again. 

I just don’t understand why I’m not dead. I wish something would kill me so I don’t have to do it myself and be the girl that killed herself. That would probably be more palatable for my family and s/o. ",4.036956521739128,5.233733275362322,5.0122898550724635,83.70626086956524,71.31884057971016,8.418550724637681,28.29275362318841,8.841846274778883,2.1551136231884067,272,10,54,5,5,89,49,69,0.2,0.6759999999999999,0.124,-0.7925,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,2,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,11,14,3,5,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,6,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887899595153636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094132562104736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136344949387422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716435987868526,0.0,0.0,0.1737478392281727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270005900574284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298145821800155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640953051296072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663087533743888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863047901378328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365795959647987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218994008155593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233709112419825,0.0,0.24511500040706666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028350196143049,0.0,0.0,0.13726330261020422
suicidewatch,Seerte,2018/03/13,"I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. I feel like an awful person. I keep crying. Everything is falling apart. I’m never going to find someone who loves me for everything I am. 

I’m worthless. ",-0.08091666666666697,2.2515340749999986,2.645000000000003,87.97333333333334,95.75,4.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.7819166666666666,153,6,29,2,6,53,30,40,0.239,0.564,0.196,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,2,11,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624581522202967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907016834689053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756943049448528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676263798879956,0.37812693398561703,0.0,0.0,0.2418820483309207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040466854569695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352299123790922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25858576196571165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885374127429496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411164663276565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231079060314199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423406669202325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rionlion100,2018/03/13,"Depression I've had it for a few years gradually getting worse. 16M live with parents who treat me like i am less important constantly being insulted and silenced. My grandparents and parents don't know about my depression. My grandparents offered to let me move in i know its going to cause a tear in the family. I'm strongly considering it, either that or suffocating myself.",5.276086956521741,7.787465231884062,6.680507246376813,67.64945652173915,70.59420289855072,10.9768115942029,34.68840579710145,10.864195022040775,4.865336231884059,307,16,48,11,6,104,54,69,0.183,0.701,0.116,-0.7902,4,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,7,7,3,6,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458334843359448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586050891641091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122283214734144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22559667667719704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502766183849345,0.0,0.13600328194233147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630329620408726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24470689955584926,0.0,0.11691296763241815,0.0,0.2113118422794206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543447189923791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5314426399558269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24387355853652926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541054076501772
suicidewatch,Anthony_Byrne,2018/03/13,"Saturday this week is my final day Im not gonna spit out a long speak here, if you wanna know I'll tell you. Im 17 Irish incase you wanted to know",-0.2555238095238117,0.8146581142857201,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,82.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,14.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.8037619047619047,114,1,30,1,3,41,29,35,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,5,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363973790136888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34590076697004746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6821521804926639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470680013055647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794385693797378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275989052271633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624403274776855,0.0,0.2532844466423448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingleftinme123,2018/03/13,"I don't deserve to keep my life I don't know what to do...
Everyone I ever meet always ends up hating me...
I'm told I ruin everything....
Every holiday I ever went on I have been told that I'm ruining it... idk how 

My dad always just has a go at me like this is why no one likes you, and you will never have any friends, I'm imbarised by you...and that I'm selfish...

My parents proberly really wanted a son they could be proud of and was normal but I have let them down...

I know I most likely caused all of this and deserve this so that is why I'm thinking of ending my life... my life is really nothing I have no friends and no one wants me arround... I do cut myself people say it won't help but I always feel better after cutting for a while.... 

I'm useless at everything and no one will care if I die tbh I believe everyone will be happy.. just think about it me being alive effects no one in a good way and clearly I'm not wanted here... life will be easier for everyone without me...
When I end my life Idk how to do it... I want to do it some way where I die somewhere where people won't find me... no one should have to clean my mess up I'm not worth there time at all... I might find somewhere where no one will find me and cut so deep and keep going until I bleed a painful death...

I know I have let everyone down... I know I'm selfish and i know that me being alive for even a day longer is a waste of air and space... ",0.2713897937025003,2.0119013127035816,2.6609348534201978,94.21168458197613,83.1042345276873,5.52655808903366,19.67958740499457,6.588339656340683,0.04904264929424506,1081,29,254,11,30,371,139,307,0.219,0.6659999999999999,0.115,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,2,60.0,0,2,2,3,16,21,4,0,7,0,36,7,0,4,6,51,66,20,3,8,8,3,1,3,2,9,7,1,1,0,13,10,0,2,12,1,1,3,15,11,0,6,5,2,43,10,26,44,4,32,0,3,0,0,14,15,0,4,15,174,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146760404272856,0.0,0.0,0.05848277811403513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689226684503786,0.0,0.07605978895295942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768247529397805,0.08834543154681637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686638014044292,0.0,0.0,0.05546272327384108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850832290254035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22851075358071096,0.0,0.0,0.05680202287609167,0.15558339239838478,0.07245849734538894,0.3287057809528067,0.15458205751553636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043484056902170574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23580663664704266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328863848939613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775127800376532,0.07213250890634003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154833155760994,0.0,0.08490694717261515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764381869854901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528810560343996,0.0,0.0,0.23631606375052036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588113923652302,0.3037208288012251,0.126045399471988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123214285105563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663283078468531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842614941654124,0.08251907822043979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496539321078713,0.0,0.09150979595759004,0.0,0.09549254345090853,0.0,0.0,0.1192427946204351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018728222210697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839045187439931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021033278741124,0.0,0.0,0.05014714500803226,0.0,0.0,0.16435289047640333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289951963494945,0.13652519498076104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972262855907572,0.1552027934364652,0.0,0.0,0.08290068875496698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedHotPain389,2018/03/13,"Can't keep trying anymore Spare me the clichés, spare me everything that people usually say. I'm tired, I'm done with that shit. Take it somewhere else.

I keep having suicidal dreams, and I don't feel like telling any therapist or ""officials"" because I don't want to be put into a mental hospital AGAIN, only to have me be discharged and healthy. 


I want to talk to someone about it, befriend someone, anyone... but it's not working, and hasn't been working for 19 years. What's the point? Why do I keep trying?

So, I'm gonna do it. I don't know when, but I'm fucking tired, and frankly, the world is better off without me.",3.0948,4.646035480000002,4.105800000000002,87.88990000000004,74.2,6.920000000000001,29.3,7.554174236665415,1.7329200000000005,485,21,99,6,10,157,79,125,0.126,0.81,0.064,-0.6638,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,2,0,4,0,14,4,1,0,0,18,28,9,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,2,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,2,10,2,10,23,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,1,5,56,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495607822364128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306320337858464,0.10791769057212547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408386006617747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650064884835988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579427822147589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893075656179412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871029253207126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803863333589144,0.11026009158020224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426842797435392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41155182585816347,0.0,0.0,0.08482089282468698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540243032981157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553780484968252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738206145396672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699950039466813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459006111451948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515371651535192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273687824274206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842716667377008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26154252984056514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168822243168309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604401405923324,0.1240521560013104,0.13489943028720106,0.0,0.0,0.17919992835189272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547808508187225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957263041199475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998303399072132,0.0,0.18206674290353464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926729418259298,0.0,0.0,0.14877766505541468,0.0,0.22472182925802825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938950741823163
suicidewatch,sei72,2018/03/13,"I’m really thinking of just “disappearing” from this world... Nothing is going well... everything has gone to shit now that my eyes have been opened and I realized i was raised by a Narcissist mother. I realized that she escalated situations in my previous relationship that made me seem crazy... I know I’m not crazy. She made sure I was unhappy, she made sure to give me doubt, she did not like that my love and attention were no longer on her once she realized my relationship was serious.

I’ve been living at my university for the past week but I have access to my bed in her house this week... but I can’t sleep in this place for some reason. I can’t sleep. I have Olanzapine, I’m thinking of overdosing on it. I think it can cause death if I mix it with alcohol? 
I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to disappear.",2.2190853658536582,4.437655847560976,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,78.9390243902439,8.978048780487804,24.27439024390244,9.516144504307137,2.3257512195121954,645,23,135,20,16,220,95,164,0.114,0.8290000000000001,0.057,-0.8437,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,2,0,17,6,4,5,2,31,34,5,1,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,4,1,0,11,0,0,4,6,3,1,0,11,1,28,5,18,23,1,17,0,0,1,1,12,9,1,4,5,89,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769339644233313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633674428146615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158153010147435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261458116270589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154997487528445,0.08385995761044701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702607921300862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621867702887565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208882292945994,0.0,0.13029540083930932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317581702773626,0.418865574272235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415847760343898,0.0,0.0,0.15714322821585466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085970856573196,0.0,0.0,0.15416550110050095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452869573736236,0.15171301610404456,0.0,0.31684166796071545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433021328141892,0.0,0.0,0.1514649848235202,0.0,0.16586008041805056,0.2953268251424904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781411674226791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836454118409447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870328524764224,0.0,0.2367224071984082,0.0,0.13267132791813624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadLonley1,2018/03/14,"In need of a friend. I’ve been depressed for almost half a year now, I’ve had family problems school problems etc but the main one that’s affected is that I’ve got horrible friends. They use me, manipulate me and make fun of me all the time. I’ve tried cutting them out my life but can’t it’s too hard and awkward. I’ve also been to the doctors about my depression, self harm and suicidal intentions. I didn’t have a magnificent experience with the doctors or therapists at all. I think a new friend would help me and clear my mind a bit. I don’t care who you are as long as you don’t use me or make fun of me. If I can’t find a social life and am constantly lonely and made fun of what’s the point in living like that ?",2.3280303030303067,3.542235980519486,4.050064935064935,88.88319264069266,75.55844155844156,7.990476190476191,24.52164502164502,8.59863814320734,1.3872268398268401,567,18,131,11,12,191,93,154,0.196,0.5720000000000001,0.232,0.8934,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,2,0,4,17,1,1,11,0,13,4,0,8,3,32,22,14,1,5,5,0,1,1,3,1,4,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,6,1,17,9,14,15,5,11,0,3,0,0,11,5,0,4,7,81,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424711940517967,0.0,0.0,0.11519821230211084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726731096363186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687046150209376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566887435978058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481432944355771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948863446971984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065589099964042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091035056250092,0.13579926377767734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316607810682486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338823056366436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152114237335342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290421628228927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965549184898566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034961633748401,0.07037645750989292,0.0,0.12720042259359465,0.12748135409375908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136305343381603,0.1923114567476438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454513038093734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681262140940913,0.0,0.13912617425506804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761326156781022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617555980642715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756763314099719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457881626367146,0.0,0.0,0.15027749596277196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468427200723513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756934320407334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672553005025183,0.0,0.0923026088423972,0.0,0.0,0.08399779209754983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780175025469301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24882909427401784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233030110311347,0.0,0.0,0.09276466839534886
suicidewatch,youngphilelverum,2018/03/14,"Think I might end it this weekend. I've been considering killing myself for about 3 years now. I tried and failed early last year and haven't tried again since because I've gotten into a relationship. But with all the things that have been building up in my life, I don't really care if it's selfish anymore. I'm gonna miss my girlfriend when I'm dead. And all my friends. ",3.371491228070173,4.918563342105267,3.9447368421052635,89.3414912280702,73.47368421052632,6.64561403508772,25.824561403508767,7.1686216300943375,1.0026035087719305,298,10,63,3,6,94,58,76,0.249,0.7120000000000001,0.039,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,11,13,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,2,6,8,2,12,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,2,9,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660926250693045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356002454581434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735611627814695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23764409496889274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729657692450326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968466026193831,0.0,0.0,0.21870944891441435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951614403960848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28463579521110954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718870329980278,0.0,0.0,0.2880658291701577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194980733363945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825404706487755,0.17192299080730647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643314012648525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345567247378838
suicidewatch,Hilgenberg123,2018/03/14,Suicidal for a year Does anyone else feel that time seems to slow down and speed up at the same time when you want to die? A day feels an eternity but a year goes by in an instant. ,5.227692307692308,3.789057025641029,5.6303846153846155,89.42711538461542,68.48717948717949,9.851282051282054,27.19230769230769,8.841846274778883,1.4407846153846156,140,3,35,2,2,45,33,39,0.132,0.8390000000000001,0.029,-0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,8,4,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,9,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116909008621476,0.310204707934548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524968324306108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142082776109352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649398937999288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529100452456697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061605285536516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756136116347661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311610223717929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35307368987343485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785706894669288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899241032692193
suicidewatch,_thequietkid_,2018/03/14,"Has anybody ever booked a hotel room just to get away from everything? I've been very depressed and very suicidal pretty much my whole life and as I kept getting older more shit just kept piling on and I've been stuck in my room for months and months because I have no friends and I hate the environment I'm in. So I'm thinking about driving an hour or two and booking a relatively cheap hotel for one night (would do more but I'm broke) to just get away from this room, from everybody. I have always fantasized about faking a suicide and really just running away and starting another life. I think about that daily it just seems so calming and I could start all over and maybe do it right. I'm pretty much in shambles and I'm not sure how I've held on for so long. I think it's too late to fix anything, I have deleted all social media long ago and now all I do is sit here fantasizing about having a better life which when it hits me that that will never happen the suicidal urges get worse. Sorry for the rambling, this is my first time posting on here and I guess I just wanted to talk. 

Back to the topic of this post, I guess I will be doing it to see how it feels to be away from everybody, nobody will know where I'm at and I can finally do what I want to do. Anybody else do something similar?",3.0615248796147685,4.510634007490637,4.173814874264316,87.78393258426969,74.09363295880149,7.033279828785447,24.32477260567148,7.62386473244151,1.065697485286249,1028,31,215,13,21,335,142,267,0.138,0.794,0.069,-0.9589,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,23,9,2,0,9,0,24,4,1,2,6,46,54,23,3,4,9,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,3,0,14,14,0,3,6,4,1,2,3,5,0,3,6,2,19,4,34,40,8,41,0,2,1,0,3,17,1,4,19,149,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096900183322007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539046707952587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076090501004708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844498960661108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856703406336348,0.07891066940295204,0.0,0.06255796244246774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076160839937693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819360287488532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838894649140044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572825797111629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282828107136998,0.0,0.0,0.09223083815333917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188921766022685,0.0,0.0,0.11241836200162147,0.0,0.08729097949703496,0.0,0.0,0.07928619178008718,0.0,0.2144649018328104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610137065600716,0.0,0.0907490844645338,0.0,0.0,0.1013188597516827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106287679728368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563988576141648,0.0,0.11576309209699127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745675058425276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163606010429467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309848845256027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382522660495946,0.0,0.15087926709970506,0.0,0.07914910079901248,0.0,0.0,0.09630463226203984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953992750997537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965687258672509,0.20880874948761927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574285241456339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763938903275527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177715828098234,0.09342402661636012,0.0,0.0,0.10534092389144206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461111477260916,0.0,0.07900411595049893,0.0,0.11487792571666434,0.14527402228742411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367583623848221,0.0,0.09672086120329344,0.0,0.0,0.08248439329103331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726981635859825,0.0,0.0,0.05984023358756245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024765377937672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934926685170504,0.12105928111974094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457479402587167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458149425108278,0.07290035807113232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justsayingfarewell,2018/03/14,"This will surprise some Throw away, obviously. Also keeping this post vague AF to avoid ID. 

Just want to put this out there: 

People who love those who have attempted or been successful at taking their own lives, it often has nothing to do with the amount of love bestowed upon them. It is so obviously not your fault. Don't fall into that mode of thinking, there is no better example of a fools errand.

This is certainly true for me, at least. Love has never been the issue. I've been fighting the urge to take my life for the better part of two decades, always succumbing to the pressure of the guilt doled out by therapists, psychiatrists, parents, friends, and lovers. At a certain point, one has to accept that no major change in lifestyle is effective... be it abstaining from alcohol, utilizing antidepressants, getting back in shape, eating ""right"", getting enough sleep (which, fuck off, if you're an insomniac, nothing actually fixes that problem), meditation, or whatever the new treatment is. Sometimes even when we do ALL of those things, nothing improves. We are only made to question what the fuck is wrong with us ""if it works for everyone else, what is wrong with me?"" ""Why can't I get past this want to just lay down and never feel again, even with all the resources and love in the world?"". A vicious cycle that many find themselves in. 

There are a multitude of reasons I'm going to be a conscientious objector for the rest of this inconsequential life, but the truth is simple: Love from the outside isn't enough. I write this only in hopes that people effected by our loved one's decisions come to recognize the peace that comes with the long quiet. Be happy for us that we* get there. We are happy you are here, loving yourselves, loving others, and living as you see fit. Let us do as we decide is best for us.  

Mods: This isn't pro-suicide. Hope you agree. If not, I am happy to delete. 

edit: a word",6.226331750091339,7.130030364145662,6.262918036779933,77.80648520277678,66.08683473389355,9.121860918280357,30.64778955060285,9.20300075937882,2.5998986481549147,1508,54,272,26,23,478,207,357,0.068,0.706,0.227,0.9972,2,1,1,0,2,1,66.0,10,4,2,8,15,37,4,3,22,0,33,16,1,4,10,62,62,15,0,8,10,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,28,19,2,3,10,0,0,6,10,12,0,3,4,3,22,25,51,53,12,35,0,0,1,11,32,20,2,10,8,200,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.07348006299825863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047074659402828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602158463856153,0.06265403353756444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074502366288561,0.057899574698891176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790206881437988,0.1331900632720939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796553831666649,0.1297252550206484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704873276473075,0.06290188277149213,0.0,0.0,0.15560608762328385,0.0,0.09946734174517073,0.0,0.0,0.07195054109025355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038072971078774484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882107985342856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817510887051267,0.13922372096624264,0.15736055336890395,0.0,0.042793633408257585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046861502903766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957596440497573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859163117783666,0.0,0.06692839214594593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699738714029453,0.10637051972391516,0.0,0.0,0.13297916615223196,0.06663643021654224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5436756473647595,0.07124886276082218,0.0,0.07634043336906557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161490406490216,0.07272335368530729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675161213238425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204785380438484,0.11453516392754122,0.0,0.0,0.08360960554403964,0.08154048156057606,0.07188053633841805,0.10440441380963822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118102292485605,0.0,0.07211474514744763,0.0,0.0,0.07205009215246594,0.0,0.07569536662985811,0.08435108099404362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741896584990363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430414784540364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000281990226855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535245813907915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447172526756536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236387679850236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322956854269002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742687304753446,0.0500246976986284,0.04824796847080485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355528171670109,0.0,0.362297270195736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882551552558865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794480422037842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481789813824957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646532572828115,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilentFlower,2018/03/14,"An urge to self harm I’m young, ya but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to depression. Ive wanted to die as long as I can remember. It started out like a quiet voice, silence then a whisper, quietly talking, to talking at a normal tone to now. It’s starting to yell, to scream at me. And I don’t know how much longer I can take this.

I’ll say this now, I have never gone to a professional about this. I’m too scared. And I never will. I feel like I’m starting to get a form of anxiety. I still just refuse to get help for it. For anxiety I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t breathe sometimes I’ll start to twitch or shake and my breathing becomes uncontrollably at points. But this only started recently.

Now I know self harm isn’t the best option and I know what people will say. “Don’t do it, it fixes nothing.” And all that, but what can I legitimately do? Truthfully I would just kill myself but I’m too scared about my boyfriend finding out I died. I talk to him often about suicide and depression so he’s fully aware of how I feel. He will sit on call with me till I fall asleep just to comfort me when I’m scared to be alone. He is my world. I know I’m making a mistake but I need an outlet...

I made him a promise, “I’ll try not to hurt myself” is what I told him. I said try because I know I can’t hold on forever. I’m extremely suicidal I’ve wanted to self harm for awhile but now I have an urge, a want, a feeling of need. I don’t want to die as long as he’s with me but I’m not scared of dying, or well I think. I’ve been too scared to cut myself before but today I did hurt myself. It wasn’t cutting or burning, it was scratching. This morning I was already feeling anxious and I had a bit of a breakdown, I started to scratch my skin trying to make myself bleed and to feel pain, but I don’t remember much pain I remember feeling relieved for a few moments then looking at my arms there were red marks all over. I quickly grabbed my sweatshirt to hide it and I’ll say I made sure no one got even a glimpse and my arms or wrists. What would people say if they saw my arms all red with marks all over? I don’t even know what came over me to push me to harm myself. I genuinely wanted to bleed I genuinely wanted to. I felt horrible all day, to anxious to talk to people besides teachers and the few people I can somewhat consider my friends. Never said a word about what I did or felt. I just acted like nothing happened, but people did notice how I was anxious and constantly losing focus and coming in and out of a daze because I was so worried about everyone else.

Now I have an urge to keep doing it, I want to keep doing it, it’s easier to do then cutting, it can fade away after all. And I don’t have to think about the pain of a knife cutting my skin. Or burning myself. I want to keep on doing it I loved it before, even though I was anxious because I broke my promise, because I didn’t try to fight the urge I basically welcomed it in.


I’m sorry Caleb if you’re reading this

And to anyone else I don’t know what else to say...",0.7416989656402322,2.6922947047913475,2.8277032457496136,92.51824491737013,82.63214837712519,5.4653097134704565,22.47316609202236,6.6004138279774835,0.4723588110807278,2362,81,526,24,65,797,235,647,0.23,0.6559999999999999,0.114,-0.9981,0,1,0,0,1,8,65.0,0,1,1,2,34,44,6,7,24,0,48,17,9,7,11,113,116,50,7,16,24,0,14,4,1,5,7,13,0,3,30,25,0,5,23,1,0,7,19,29,1,1,25,31,84,15,79,85,14,57,0,6,4,1,31,18,0,11,35,349,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740916768298649,0.06116881434049889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480819410857024,0.25048225477127245,0.0,0.0387582178962471,0.056794985583240684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520786765825156,0.0,0.0,0.1351594063821378,0.0612185114224644,0.09433435944083912,0.0,0.05817077510326276,0.0,0.060515630139861235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056600626244998536,0.0633975999694292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047748373320207184,0.0,0.05990056018204243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03574801626563883,0.0,0.09548422832271013,0.0,0.23011197626069904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891493590692358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983375055368537,0.0,0.0,0.0529661135917058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961908967274863,0.07919896417482186,0.106443735156044,0.0,0.050662372760311734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042825382241118704,0.0,0.057920182519100485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433274698870948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901691130537175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03715382236597043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867875905367832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780723399143142,0.061325514452573074,0.0,0.2132416511303485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083219557103563,0.0,0.0,0.09810830269553752,0.04654756756490398,0.0620124284853199,0.0,0.0,0.050028091622070524,0.10489915158624878,0.07400043223788312,0.0,0.0,0.060379945289302975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149542991958306,0.0822018644799693,0.12825400311166832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431001375680528,0.10637390940524256,0.06310786703607132,0.0,0.0,0.03756106718928489,0.04215730980550305,0.1769455310482448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921422673660003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523996357592709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055445390805066726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054730823500094665,0.0,0.18837548096703907,0.0,0.10545398969744987,0.2204023569082041,0.27747745427267245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347795880093525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482207360948525,0.06204978407247173,0.23540349439735306,0.0,0.04426678149891033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212637010996345,0.0,0.05224248710557347,0.0,0.04167675529951197,0.17821139304624506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710351121720712,0.05446007728400188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254152893990068,0.0529661135917058,0.0,0.15053438655952467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26155424400595434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049838578030483915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562922522629415,0.0,0.07875231814815845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peanutbutter007,2018/03/14,I'm going to kill myself this weekend The world is so terrible. I feel like I have no reason to go on. Everyone else gets to go on about their life and not care how depressed I am. I keep messing up. I hate myself and nobody would miss me if I was gone.,-0.14757575757575836,1.8182371818181864,2.3595454545454544,94.47265151515153,86.27272727272728,5.121212121212121,18.25757575757576,6.42735559955562,-0.13506060606060633,195,5,45,2,6,67,43,55,0.293,0.622,0.085,-0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,8,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,9,16,5,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,2,1,10,2,7,13,0,9,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869308769987273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423903770900132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350939297473187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689130230616844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229660534297514,0.2010496092254396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703260557836054,0.0,0.4798198242806637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778482785053887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25014288965593645,0.3113543426912274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987783384958819,0.13748972030764248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28935109915145635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999157811500552,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mumbling_abomination,2018/03/14,"I'm going to hang myself in 10 hours. Goodbye, reddit. It's been great knowing you. ",-0.5878431372549038,1.4596945294117631,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,103.70588235294115,2.266666666666667,17.43137254901961,3.1291,-0.7098862745098042,65,2,12,0,3,22,17,17,0.0,0.773,0.227,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390111030938279,0.0,0.0,0.6576557844303628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874434459290835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32782699556222394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adithrowaway,2018/03/14,"the only thing stopping me The only reason I haven't ended it yet is because I know my whole family would be torn apart by my death. I don't want to be standing on the edge of a bridge or dumping out the pills thinking about how my parents would react to the news that their child had left this world. It should make me happy that people care about me, but I feel like a burden. I wish they didn't care. I wish I could kill myself or stop existing without anyone being affected by it. I sometimes wish that a natural disaster would kill me so that no one I know would feel guilty about my death.",5.4293676814988245,5.153450180327869,5.812060889929741,84.43516393442627,67.68852459016394,8.610772833723653,27.264637002341924,7.957251820313856,1.4811063231850108,470,12,98,5,7,151,78,122,0.289,0.537,0.174,-0.9643,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,8,3,0,8,0,14,1,0,5,0,28,26,5,4,10,4,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,2,20,4,11,15,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,5,71,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826496075557807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566850131913586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28656849251137384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122053294720286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244718171194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248337993534745,0.0,0.14211688929805616,0.10039784501127527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960154397122444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31096111215068184,0.0,0.15446812585561054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269110002205494,0.0,0.0,0.0686580376021126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380784210998906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522978593012396,0.21376557635791726,0.0,0.0,0.15604688468850247,0.0,0.0,0.09742889837066536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449282900060578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899217260701516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349861995271728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933648494399762,0.09004880627564342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289086456290809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569017037946531,0.484823073995599,0.13547020271163054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993265878712604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Breaking-finch,2018/03/14,"I feel so alone It feels kinda awkward to say anything more personal in such an open space so I don't even know what I'm saying 
Just stumbled upon this sub as a result of my current mood
Sorry that I didn't know what else to do I'm not good at things ",0.9073214285714286,2.451945089285715,2.8958571428571425,94.24914285714287,80.25,5.194285714285715,20.128571428571426,5.6839178017228535,-0.1848599999999996,199,5,46,1,5,67,45,56,0.142,0.858,0.0,-0.6492,1,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,9,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31508391808089026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035011518841543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25413979481004656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093682977065846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076492032176117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551683360760097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343866874424076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265636327837675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838616616243345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405534319812412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211265304646545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisisJsThrowaway,2018/03/14,"I need help I'm a college student, sophomore year. I'm doing what I love, and I'm super involved on campus. I have the most amazing relevant internship, supportive advisers, a career path I love, a 4.0 GPA, a student worker job, leadership positions all across campus, and an amazingly supportive boyfriend. I have no school debt and I never will, everything's paid for through scholarships.

Can someone please tell me why I want to die? The voices in my head haven't left since early highschool. They don't stop. I do what I supposed to do, exercise, meditate, eat right. I can't shake it. Right now it's too overwhelming. My whole body aches with stress right now, even my nailbeds feel sore and tense. Are there even muscles there? I don't even know who I am. 

Most of the time I can shake it off and just tell myself that I don't actually want to die. I haven't been able to get anything done this week because of how intense it's gotten, though. I feel like dying would be easier than going to sleep at this point. I dream about it every night. Last night I dreamed that my boyfriend took off my watch, held my wrist up for me and said ""just do it"". 

I don't think my life is stressful, it's all my own mind. How do I relieve stress that's starting within me? I can't afford therapy even though I know that's what I should do. Campus has a counselor but she was mean to me when I went before and her student workers know me. I want to talk to those around me but I always feel guilty for taking up their time.

I don't know what to do besides end it.",2.0849414270500546,4.2064816741214095,3.031076677316296,91.9141762513312,78.90415335463258,6.218061767838126,23.212886048988288,7.3011,0.8311466240681571,1216,40,257,16,30,386,170,313,0.079,0.8059999999999999,0.115,0.5185,3,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,2,3,18,15,0,6,9,0,31,10,4,2,3,38,61,14,3,6,4,0,3,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,20,9,1,2,9,3,3,5,11,6,0,0,9,6,46,9,28,48,6,35,0,1,1,2,14,15,0,2,16,167,66,16,0.09893431740525864,0.0,0.09654562234067283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232127754409925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141451347436805,0.08807251778402211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060309441615111,0.0,0.08418581725508456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098937234919084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080346052570373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124415596691197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123450568499658,0.0,0.0,0.08762643995989243,0.0,0.0,0.26138073429761416,0.0,0.08335642941605137,0.0,0.08891578516223393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007249057118385,0.0706786961223281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168909748088245,0.0,0.056226652523647794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153515220905783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631358751083788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817704420911036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174868539600252,0.08064467327273048,0.0,0.0,0.1074924253387194,0.0,0.06988023421869942,0.04833431011880893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858416822377662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776847524332007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989545757569698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335854276381533,0.07630424469013891,0.0,0.0,0.18568630978074785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860017109304827,0.09352490834539418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534680994884936,0.09410919158312266,0.0,0.0,0.10012681106524536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183948971665653,0.0,0.09900576658609153,0.0,0.08382672608348077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002621907157919,0.0,0.0,0.08271351933627945,0.339986778970672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453898193356686,0.0,0.0,0.07438629416103623,0.07951965676501008,0.1729459082375048,0.0,0.1131400141641711,0.0,0.0,0.06339311580064114,0.1944049290674012,0.0,0.115378792175423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991966690287376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506207111619415,0.0,0.07935914179646704,0.0,0.0,0.09171310341518656,0.08927283320956142,0.11045663223480937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028010052045754,0.0,0.0,0.06371045671997605
suicidewatch,PrincessOfPink2018,2018/03/14,"have the pills I already took the pills out of the packet and I have even more In the cupboard and I just want to take them all, but I'm too scared to do it incase it doesn't work out",-1.8935714285714305,-0.008065595238093692,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,97.8095238095238,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-2.045552380952381,143,2,38,0,6,46,30,42,0.096,0.875,0.029,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778112841214579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285983448470987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334949440175708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255519038970664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481063847037375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553866102836147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31521927242554565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qu1et1,2018/03/14,"Depression-related music I know not EVERY person on here struggles with depression. But it does seem a common theme. So I thought I’d share [this](https://open.spotify.com/user/12125229064/playlist/3g9JzhcyRZ54aASmoGuiKB?si=xVBJFcNzRxOUls-RKpghgQ) collaborative Spotify playlist. (Songs about depression, suicide, self-harm, etc.) It really took off once I posted it to a depression subreddit and I thought you guys might want to listen, too. Please do feel free to add any songs you know of that you think would fit :)",8.709625000000003,12.624172712500002,5.8625000000000025,70.8425,65.625,10.0,32.5,10.125756701596842,4.165249999999999,427,18,60,12,8,119,63,80,0.203,0.629,0.16699999999999998,-0.738,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,15,13,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,4,3,0,0,7,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,3,4,7,3,8,8,1,6,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067396143876084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965159533364576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815867330107656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143068532511803,0.0,0.0,0.16190131853106352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716080798616264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902665321146007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112099130563317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384916553807347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464189224417176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778486648593538,0.0,0.21093167036828306,0.0,0.0,0.1840341509399152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310127128415248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493333529913596,0.20046259787834791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008851591308851,0.0,0.21018955421308386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231270233839915,0.0,0.3051038168570534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349449740998244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333970811467632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650345894694346,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lost_alex,2018/03/14,"I just need to talk to someone (sorry for my english I'm french) My boyfriend for almost 2 years now is never happy, he is very depressed and I try so hard to help him I love so much :'( He have seen a doctor who give him medication but it seem to have 0 effects on him, he's always sad and it destroy me because all I want is to make him happy. His family don't give a f*, they treat him like s* and put all their negativity on him, he's like a black sheep. He doesn't have the money to leave his family  house and get his onw place. He is always tired, he doesn't really like to work, when he comes back from his 8hours shift once a week, it's take all of his energy (we are students btw, I'm 18 and he's 20). I'm so stressed because I know I'm the only thing that keeps him alive, but I'm afraid someday I won't be enough :( I'm so sad because I do everything I can but it doesn't help. He doesn't know what to do with his life, which job to choose and study in school, he have change of programs many times in school and he is very sad about it, he try so hard to find what to do :(, he said that he's so done with life. In fact, he know what he wants to do for a living, he dream of being a professional gamer but where we lives, gamers can not make money out of it, it's not legal for us. He still go to school, do his homework etc, but it's all because of me. He told me that it will be a lot easier for him if he wasn't with me (meaning ending his life). Idk what to do, I just wanted to talk and I found this website so here I am. It can seem stupid but I love him and I want to spend my life with him, I don't know what to do :(.. Again sorry for my english I'm french.",1.0373132952240454,1.902777155080216,2.9749492900608523,96.70382352941178,78.25133689839572,6.121187534574959,18.778904665314396,6.311591054244273,-0.3928944126867049,1272,22,332,9,29,429,162,374,0.136,0.7490000000000001,0.115,-0.8204,1,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,3,0,2,2,17,16,2,2,9,0,34,9,0,3,6,55,68,24,0,6,11,0,2,3,0,2,7,1,1,0,22,17,0,1,11,1,3,3,12,8,0,0,6,5,45,8,40,57,8,21,0,4,2,2,55,8,0,5,13,194,67,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298021963504234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452451669804732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139926427884727,0.0,0.22641260184310955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982275911960795,0.07998580140725554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997531636238155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504036271359938,0.0,0.0950222393044616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224139425872776,0.09594336600390503,0.10355714618363183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345150329853245,0.0,0.17506963639056342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848671945167967,0.0,0.0,0.10181000304841983,0.0,0.0,0.04851256591901699,0.1781487087112851,0.05277126744122363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769036628813616,0.16635851989183806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447662823425652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714145406546276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214361559882664,0.08253321347243392,0.0,0.0,0.2041212915965043,0.0,0.0,0.0983193504846627,0.0,0.0,0.2623430962573755,0.13609183677406106,0.0,0.16398418601623654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894144862528403,0.16760935391168444,0.0,0.12396200049239099,0.09413973773772864,0.0,0.10114560930701436,0.0,0.0935409897504274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825863186409381,0.06885032463313694,0.0716149996969916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888685326169344,0.0,0.07061991803059152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701303364087673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334426919016696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059484874852893624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832575113059787,0.0,0.0,0.2819206810794222,0.0,0.16906222737291893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867519018695034,0.0,0.0,0.20788568745161504,0.0,0.0,0.07415360456712733,0.0,0.10636434522456928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981491600416022,0.14926561997322368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168830479375202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054144118719977416,0.10672241692342092,0.0,0.08872631146300035,0.0,0.1260840182718599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169235126828007,0.0,0.0,0.15322912796024996,0.21907160771727785,0.0,0.07448215939737853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759907333928597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979515762490638
suicidewatch,MacduffFifesNo1Thane,2018/03/14,"I give up I can’t keep doing this. I quit. Something has to give between a shit job, poverty, isolation, and not even being tolerated on Reddit.


I’m done.

Goodbye.",0.3156250000000007,2.728096812500006,3.1310000000000002,84.01400000000002,96.5,5.0600000000000005,25.15,6.742157984588678,1.4860175000000004,126,6,23,2,5,44,28,32,0.294,0.706,0.0,-0.8625,1,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32829152089540503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211886498474453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6154844482352063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183461885045267,0.28514329249214265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412120981077208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32929833683543736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24696882298529846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hnjm1,2018/03/14,"My situation with my boyfriend makes me fantasize about killing myself every single day. Always on the verge of panic attacks. I am an extremely ugly and untalented 22 year old and I have no friends. ZERO friends. My university is notorious for its lack of social scene. My boyfriend is all I have. 

I believe he has Asperger's although he hasnt been tested for it. It's always been my extremely strong hunch. Either that or he is a huge cunt. He never consoles me when I am sad, never asks me if I am ok if I say ""ugh just got hurt so bad"" or something. 

He induced an eating disorder in me because he kept telling me how fat I was (didn't know a 19 BMI was fat). I went down to 14.5 

He never makes eye contact with me when I talk. He is always doing something else when I am speaking. He constantly compares me to anime girls and how much he wants me to be like them. Always smiling, always kissing the main character's ass. 

And if you're thinking i should lead by example, I always do. I am always there to comfort and console him. Always there to be happy when he is at his worst. Always concerned about his well-being. Always reply to his messages instantly whenever he is sad. Always do everything a perfect girlfriend does.

So even at his worst, he is content. He can still function because he has a support system. What do I have? Absolutely fuck all. I have no support system. No love. No compassion. I only have indifference.

It really makes me want to kill myself. I constantly think about it. These are the only things that occupy my mind. All because of him. He has made me a husk of a human. A shell of my former self. I used to be lively and have passion for life. Now I am suicidal and lonely. 

But i can't leave. I know he loves me immensely but he even says he simply can't do the things i ask of him, like ask me how I am feeling.

This is all driving me insane. All I feel is guilt, shame, crippling dependence, rage, and confusion. It would just be easier to die honestly.

I wish I was brave enough to actually do it. But I am drawing ever so close. Maybe one of these days I will be brave enough.


Funny thing is, even if I kill myself, my boyfriend would still be jacking off to hentai and playing video games while my funeral procession is happening :') 



Edit: I just told him Im on the verge of a panic attack (he knows i get them because of my family issues, but thats a different story) and asked him to tell me some nice things right now to calm me down. All he could muster is ""Why?""",1.4744197485880832,3.868313527054114,3.4373415922754624,86.57808562579706,83.06813627254509,6.2743814902532336,23.100783384951722,7.554174236665415,1.2312185170340677,1946,70,383,33,55,655,244,499,0.16899999999999998,0.684,0.147,-0.9273,1,3,2,0,0,3,72.0,0,0,2,3,26,42,8,5,16,1,57,11,4,11,11,68,87,32,6,12,14,0,2,2,3,4,3,3,0,3,18,13,3,1,8,3,0,3,11,21,0,2,11,6,71,21,39,65,16,38,0,4,1,6,55,13,3,9,22,271,89,3,0.0,0.0,0.0644496294614219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044948778066161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469697128619489,0.15026966412458176,0.0,0.0,0.055144163092852964,0.1610397683865434,0.0,0.0,0.07440921707423039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427406733448801,0.0,0.05273093374949432,0.0,0.0,0.08518611340183674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854347091319073,0.06900215067900024,0.07569239526241095,0.0,0.05779573995471104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757972264227229,0.05517146926159466,0.0,0.0,0.13648266318851496,0.0,0.13086474869667974,0.059740775993153784,0.055645101858009735,0.0,0.059356284293826375,0.0,0.06226061064257566,0.0,0.06678788173005783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205119749751096,0.061056815021561565,0.034505377862531605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052821594131716415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840268357884715,0.07030529780615488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070170098398909,0.0,0.07133908833759069,0.06893300443006346,0.0,0.0,0.21920442478947907,0.0,0.1088885244920286,0.0,0.0,0.06993129048946232,0.0,0.0,0.04664898410598578,0.06453173747098725,0.0,0.058318254196402325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192149699867834,0.06249263564991109,0.13225508442675113,0.0,0.0663502936043999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668583276530975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485500991388856,0.0,0.15281211651192664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930229662051275,0.0,0.04475327113683762,0.10045920722207577,0.0,0.15497731884850038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230961700378536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056401401038087995,0.0,0.10504202543770913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889852274749501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423646781504369,0.0,0.06732376277892779,0.0,0.10168813079512193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548599510191914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224165473014743,0.14989239112467495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308384045959255,0.115451114535729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550737432942326,0.08463693587969381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310808025471544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704099906057807,0.0,0.0,0.07790918146708223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059381683284786074,0.06122365145680667,0.05959463393405121,0.0,0.0759475909489106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383183467546552,0.0,0.0,0.04253031084031434
suicidewatch,wvybvby,2018/03/14,"I admitted my boyfriend to a psychward I admitted my boyfriend to a mental hospital last night and it was the hardest thing I've done thus far. Honestly, we've kind of been on like this downward spiral. He attempted to hang, okay well he DID hang himself saturday morning after we had gotten in an argument and he ended up headbutting me. This was his reasoning for his attempted suicide. I personally think he has histrionic personality disorder. But part of me feels so wrong for taking him, even though he voluntarily went. but after a 4 day battle of having the crisis team, his grandma and me go to his job , his attempted suicide , my mom and I having conversations with him, him constantly putting his hands on me and us CONSTANTLY arguing and belittling each other. I had began about a month ago, to try to tackle my internal issues by journaling. I had began sending him things we could do as a couple to tackle our anger issues, separating for ten minutes when we began arguing and coming back to talk calmly (after a joint or two). Going for a drive. Writing down all our angry words and ripping them up because we didn't need to shout them at each other. And it just wasn't working. It was for me. But not for him. He seemed to become more controlling, condescending, angry, aggressive, etc. And after this incident his family and I just determined he needed to be admitted for his safety because he kept saying things like ""it's too late for me"" and "" no one can help "" . ""I give up"". "" No one cares about me"". But like what ???????? (insert nick young meme) We go to these extreme lengths for him and he still feels so extremely alone and honestly I UNDERSTAND but at the same time.... I don't. I really don't. I spoke with him on the phone this morning and he didn't say much. He told me he loved me. He had a little more animation in his voice... but he didn't say much. I'm going to go see him tonight. I just want our relationship to prosper so bad. I want him to grow and prosper so bad. I think he's more upset with himself and where HE is in life that now it's coming out on everyone else. Might I add that his mom tells him to kill himself quite frequently? She's a messed up person she's very mouthy but she was VERY VERY VERY concerned about him I can say that wholeheartedly. We are all so deeply concerned I'm scared. I left work early yesterday because I didn't want him home alone by himself. I'm rambling but. You guys can see where my mind is... I just want him to get better. I love him. I just want the best for him",2.443521126760565,4.754221480885314,4.0119919517102645,84.36414486921532,78.6579476861167,7.517907444668008,24.42857142857143,8.480668928828255,1.7884712273641852,1984,71,389,43,49,659,231,497,0.16399999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.119,-0.989,1,4,0,0,0,2,77.0,10,1,2,10,23,26,6,2,15,1,31,4,1,3,2,75,73,34,3,8,15,2,3,3,0,1,1,7,1,4,19,32,0,2,10,1,0,14,10,12,1,4,24,12,81,14,58,46,13,62,0,0,2,2,90,21,0,3,30,270,100,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184126889127436,0.0,0.0,0.1678758102688582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231839972655071,0.1353379393669566,0.14821235730471735,0.08950754403242496,0.0,0.0,0.08505145082709333,0.0716774833473335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263051014543413,0.0,0.0,0.1396257284971096,0.0,0.17516113683527554,0.09089856328722057,0.06470762737422889,0.08967445937133578,0.0,0.05226715033770588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288428934277887,0.0,0.0,0.08293690350590541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770247785916035,0.0,0.07178158113041824,0.0,0.09038630433513208,0.05352928406511838,0.0,0.0,0.0774417187608444,0.0,0.0,0.07640176471539098,0.0,0.08195730772820034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042342529789870686,0.07774549606618125,0.2302979569674061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024703090733179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543225784835838,0.0,0.08129447862959413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917929751203736,0.08042439550512999,0.0,0.08966399309017746,0.08439562149844113,0.0,0.0660622770925325,0.09142199276048626,0.0,0.08805534327182983,0.0,0.057244294122620214,0.11878309348516658,0.08122811712546202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629207766321106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167403240243191,0.08597565796550442,0.08183208054340944,0.1898372316087398,0.06468913541163474,0.0,0.11915441281526735,0.12018729030690455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605499502453535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983602172711733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776355180869283,0.0,0.0,0.212295413445119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147234482497234,0.0,0.08620105319388911,0.0,0.0,0.051919333430228434,0.08332748703839561,0.0,0.08701171678675866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25780010924698393,0.08113991954140397,0.0,0.12916432408479894,0.07378008422425625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647224312078503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729957513680125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609355556582643,0.06514068922751191,0.07083667183675668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152756511228852,0.10386038933081193,0.07962604206214516,0.0,0.04725783756056156,0.0,0.0,0.0774417187608444,0.0,0.055024056124086035,0.0,0.07916893123755897,0.08437042882641771,0.0974868391577685,0.0,0.0,0.2674815810057759,0.2390114267344773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286895113787477,0.07512928262899768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180030667276801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886096966773173,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,09Bluey,2018/03/14,"I wish I was brave enough to end it... My life is falling apart. Has been since I was 14. It has only been getting worse and worse and worse. I’m not meant to be in this world and I have entirely given up but the only thing that is holding me back is the fear of someone trying to save me. The stories I’ve heard of people becoming paralysed and literal vegetables is the only reason I haven’t done anything. Imagine trying to put yourself at rest only to wake to someone having to do everything for you. You would be stuck in a worse hell than the one you’re already in. 
That fear. That is the only thing keeping me here because I am a coward. I need my release. All I want is peace. ",1.4435866261398154,3.5298237588652523,3.150623100303953,90.41250000000002,80.91489361702128,5.4470111448834855,23.54660587639311,6.5431188927421005,0.6917797365754814,534,19,110,5,14,177,85,141,0.207,0.7020000000000001,0.091,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,2,8,0,21,3,1,1,1,17,31,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,9,1,15,2,16,19,3,11,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441980497787968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769598196799447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063200104414377,0.0,0.07977796905616434,0.14453713997877535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392684338536492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159131842114515,0.1352251035833715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761874372088232,0.0,0.0,0.2945333387914423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837488640149654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632448188678456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092438315027279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703945846433776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868182351944075,0.4976678497160118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907297258584694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156186817169502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455755923528806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825814504891414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217737647861718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738902386492921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770613166027566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771913215045501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049561040274584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334764040554125,0.09296726241253,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cindyella_xo,2018/03/14,"I never planned on coming back, now I don't know how to feel anymore... Hi Everyone, 

New to reddit and I just wanted to see if someone could help me or shed any light on what I could do next.

My severe depression started pretty soon after I got married late 2016(I've suffered with depression and PTSD my whole life), for the whole of 2017 it got much worse, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, put on meds because of my high suicide risk, was cutting pretty regularly and abusing over the counter drugs & alchole. I can remember being in my bath and just breaking down to my husband about everything. Him, his brother and his wife are the only ones who know how bad it was for me. 

Anyway, I guess it's the Same with most people here when they tell someone close to them that they want to kill themselves, at first they seem to care, but after a few weeks they soon forget and go back to normal. So I just put my fake face back on and stopped asking them for help. They know, it's not something you should have to ask for help a second time, right? 

So, I ended up spontaneously booking a trip to Paris for the beginning of March, just me on my own. It was actually for a convention, which my husband had no interest in. So I thought to myself, this could be it, this could be when it happens. 

I had so many plans before about how I was going to kill myself, where and when, and I'm sure many people here know all to well. I could never do it at home, all because of that ""selfish"" stigma that comes with it, which is ridiculous because people who are that low, who have come to the acceptance that they are going to take their own life, I feel are the least selfish people in the world. Anyway, I wasn't going to do it at home, although there were a number of times i nearly did.

So, Paris, alone, in a completely different country (I'm in the UK). With none of my loved ones to find me in my room. This was it, I was going to go to Paris, and not return. I had my plan. And again, like many of you would already know, once you accept that you're going to take your own life for the first time, it's kind of a surreal calmness of acceptance, like, everything you were feeling fades away, because you know it will be over soon and it will all be ok. And that's what washed over me, again. The calmness of knowing it would be over.

So, Paris had been planned, for months, I had a goal, just have to get through life until then, not long now. Well, I should have known, with the lack of luck I have in my life, that something would fuck up my plan.

Snow. Fucking Snow! The UK didn't have any for years, then the one weekend I need to travel, the one weekend that got me through the past few months, was fucking cancelled! I couldn't get to Paris as my travel had been cancelled due to the weather conditions...and I just didn't know what to feel...and I still don't. 

Everyone thought I was sad because I missed my convention, but I was sad because my plans to end it all went up in Snow! 

And now, I just don't know how to feel anymore....I want to end it all, I want to cut, drink etc, I don't want to be here anymore....but....im a firm believer in everything happens for a reason....so now I think maybe life has a different plan for me? Maybe I wasn't meant to take my own life in that hotel room in Paris....I just don't know anymore.

Does anyone have any advice? Or maybe experienced something similar? How did you cope with it? What happened? What did you decide to do after it failed? 

Thanks guys x",4.1917999337927725,4.828549616690243,4.6635830148364406,88.41942520087878,70.51343705799151,7.657756778717384,27.065184026001386,7.616502295504843,1.2874274820187188,2717,85,585,29,47,862,265,707,0.128,0.774,0.097,-0.973,2,1,5,0,0,2,124.0,0,8,9,11,46,39,8,1,28,1,70,16,1,5,8,106,132,39,3,20,16,4,4,2,0,7,10,0,5,1,42,26,1,1,26,8,0,16,17,22,2,7,34,7,80,17,99,78,20,104,2,9,1,4,36,37,3,7,52,419,122,3,0.0,0.06425154618481038,0.05291889792543244,0.0,0.0,0.05299116665995182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616405789848301,0.059842164045507726,0.0,0.0,0.058756228976280835,0.0,0.1106311009170559,0.0,0.04148442240516158,0.0,0.10755960008072396,0.03791761632893268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139208816893093,0.0,0.05094917632334185,0.1250944089482824,0.04527827952278353,0.1983420339976636,0.0,0.04614420169534827,0.06109660825000606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055289261133654274,0.0,0.0,0.14013837050502545,0.05685723299704186,0.0,0.0,0.21648401425430533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012000028084234,0.055040478631924836,0.0,0.11331384831632088,0.0,0.0,0.04745546077994029,0.0,0.0,0.053122988335314654,0.0628874924028518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409026073012512,0.0,0.06047877441994956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363473258657913,0.1462104208834026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709702931823536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956358978581618,0.09225295361888224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039928338356387,0.056663989668979585,0.0,0.21573393898295087,0.0,0.13011372934834806,0.0,0.059738472922631236,0.05369444094229709,0.14386144699545445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904405244307648,0.05729506764364485,0.10879060651483266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857575854784566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999093118325435,0.056470322491675835,0.2980239897419309,0.0,0.0611717684206126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681208556513435,0.05298631592943587,0.0,0.0,0.04799024803269385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894306515517165,0.0,0.0,0.16493664143170084,0.16343853846399972,0.0,0.06023530218276979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656885922619045,0.0,0.03986396449553195,0.04020952107780218,0.0836482574380501,0.05237393074307925,0.05767230289468656,0.0,0.053132119489141885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775126016805871,0.14698571935387894,0.041242987563156176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176695024619437,0.15038001580068835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033914381927894,0.0,0.0,0.06338986054650607,0.1090286321667573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575561838318893,0.0,0.0,0.06142997623718548,0.0463105840844676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321285219531595,0.04936731403398355,0.0,0.12252485471658806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189475096823928,0.12524254659205206,0.0,0.0,0.038382997067198193,0.0,0.04330670830855984,0.045337201011193456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059316846110299776,0.0,0.05110943406740474,0.0,0.12231856646598215,0.0,0.04739783453022559,0.049926038165127286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03474723910724617,0.0,0.08610226240752156,0.09486269358251374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992597847200865,0.0,0.04349858877452124,0.0,0.09751532359915058,0.050270082064697214,0.0,0.12108769107718348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055263165759677685,0.11556646615755725,0.0,0.0,0.034921181035535674
suicidewatch,proskythe,2018/03/14,I'M LOSING MY HAIR I'M LOSING MY FUCKING HAIR AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING AGAINST IT. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I'M DONE. I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO DIE.,-0.8993939393939421,-0.528835484848484,-0.21454545454545304,103.13151515151516,131.12121212121212,1.4666666666666668,21.84848484848485,3.1291,-0.5792060606060603,131,6,27,0,9,39,21,33,0.299,0.665,0.036000000000000004,-0.8579,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,4,12,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,11,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316146558446937,0.0,0.0,0.22056053327743064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27816611520493745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274281133404007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24778344042197906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5996995586754791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152034334584995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173865973551902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808722595140862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stevepwn3,2018/03/14,"Is work/career anxiety/pressures a cause of your suicidal? for me, this is the major cause.  I could never cope with having to get a job it causes me crazy amounts of stress.  My perfect existence would be sitting in my room gaming, talking to people online, and smoking pot for the rest of my life.  I know its not normal but thats me.  ",2.6959090909090904,4.761581318181824,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,76.72727272727272,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.1846545454545456,261,9,49,3,6,86,53,66,0.1,0.863,0.037000000000000005,-0.4588,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,3,2,13,8,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,9,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7180928864666927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603862317488504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173751787082845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23122535034263564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805558164572936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645810562887655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971080564951794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282992208494409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615390124124438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669108741683591,0.0,0.0,0.2548738857104143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728370407498346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696332330149302,0.0,0.0,0.16552281641669622,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theMFbomb,2018/03/14,"I survived my first attempt Last weekend I recieved my midterm marks back and I failed 3/6 of them. This caused a trigger and I ended up taking 6 4mg Xanax bars and drinking a 1.25 litre of vodka in two days and I'm just realizing now that this was clearly a suicide attempt

I had a three day weekend but I was blacked out for 2 of the days. I don't remember a thing and tbh thoes two days were really relaxing. If I did succeed I would have been super comfortable

The reason that I did mix these drugs wasn't just because I failed midterms, there is a whole lot of factors that take place but the failed midterms was a trigger and it makes me wonder how I'm going to react if finals don't go well",3.847931034482759,4.664330517241382,4.6318965517241395,87.68025862068968,71.41379310344827,7.179310344827586,29.67241379310345,7.1686216300943375,1.5459517241379308,555,22,117,5,10,179,93,145,0.109,0.735,0.156,0.8324,0,0,3,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,9,7,8,0,0,10,0,14,4,0,7,1,26,22,11,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,4,6,0,2,3,3,1,4,9,1,15,5,9,12,2,18,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,4,12,79,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357096701503976,0.0,0.1075864710384862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130351806484696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552849728591006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289269644423924,0.20467199746964795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631747189959894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193335818103164,0.0,0.15012203196700508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060630512655184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386264526930875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500452149239543,0.0,0.0,0.1178082321150033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843941520780242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306380852464165,0.18146078574004665,0.0,0.0,0.1999284032576182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305106489576346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26539655046023297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725190140618125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448095455452194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868541821546828,0.0,0.0,0.19704442532861224,0.0,0.0,0.19139552982074545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253732052019462,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dante_Exum,2018/03/14,"Is my life mine to take? I want to die, to the point where I've become obsessed with my own suicide. I have everything planned and ready but i can't seem to do it, despite the pain I'm in.

I have a decent enough support group and people who love me; this is my biggest hurdle. Once I'm gone, there will be even more pain but I'd have passed it on to the people who care for me. The rope hangs my family, the pills kill my friends. 

I've spoken to therapists and taken all the meds. The only time i feel at ease is when I'm contemplating my death. The only thing in my life that feels certain is that i can take it, but i can't.

I think i know the answer to the question, i just needed to get that off my chest.",1.222752247752247,2.5864937727272728,2.898831168831169,95.37868631368632,78.80519480519482,5.777422577422577,19.63836163836164,6.297961479604792,-0.1839334665334662,547,12,132,4,13,181,90,154,0.107,0.6970000000000001,0.196,0.9355,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,1,1,11,0,13,7,1,0,2,19,31,7,4,2,4,0,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,2,21,5,15,27,4,13,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,2,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865236445943835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219268022186168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527919039375595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450656049183846,0.0,0.11154900141977936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178574001570344,0.0,0.15921267600633565,0.0,0.1707898021765574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304825320177556,0.0,0.08823706496618715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868496668169884,0.0,0.09281648644213654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385813282535375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242810980905575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759661305206804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522839088203566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798603213468339,0.0,0.25689403053114696,0.35941770529772704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341714958889611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596538499570714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919333096626825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374938902360605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473617669350745,0.19165222166668228,0.0,0.0,0.2539656751758478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960921085172116,0.1122017533936813,0.10821667914358604,0.0,0.0,0.09848001297244936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961458086274423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alwayzthinkin,2018/03/14,"A few questions from non-suicidal person Hey guys, I been reading some of these posts and it’s making me sad that there are so many unhappy people.  It’s not my place to say anyone is right or wrong, I believe in free will whether it’s a popular or unpopular decision.  However, I can help but wondering how life can truly be that bad forever? 

When I think about dying I think about how I’ll miss the small things that bring me joy like the warm sun on my skin on a nice spring day, the feeling of sand and water on your bare feet on the beach, watching the sun come up and hearing the birds start their busy day, or watching the night sky and thinking how amazing it is that we are on a rock flying through space.  Everyone must still find joy or happiness in some aspect of their life?  If not, everyone’s situation can be changed.  

Main question - Won’t you miss the enjoyment of small things that bring you happiness?

Edit - Thank you everyone for the reply’s, definitely helps me understand.  What are some of the issues that cause such pain and grief?  Can’t most situations be changed by removing the toxic people/situations?  This topic is such taboo and I appreciate everyone answering my questions.",7.794941775836975,7.220899262008736,7.671713973799129,74.0496961426492,62.93013100436682,11.650800582241633,35.67721979621542,11.038039088145766,3.8411045123726346,957,38,180,23,12,307,140,229,0.086,0.672,0.242,0.9929,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,4,2,0,11,19,0,0,15,0,17,6,2,5,1,40,32,18,2,2,9,0,4,1,0,3,3,2,0,2,15,8,1,1,12,3,1,4,4,7,0,0,1,8,19,13,20,25,6,26,0,4,2,0,17,14,0,13,8,116,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988050319693095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538710769145682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871135591169222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173577691311561,0.2417052935972965,0.09840917087218247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735298383612228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185649228284353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366516352652984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577640724761946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441490989285264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131173152906185,0.0,0.2432249811035688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875877982026607,0.0,0.15314770324207708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923872896564708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613846841096201,0.055812759197171234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762572698746924,0.11582322579635017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720816401981996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215612999925072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920086028558869,0.09975150875116748,0.11935833656006622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941203818006713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839307901059767,0.0,0.11427268739020305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975618490339628,0.0,0.09084964237905098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568250764159193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086091418132194,0.0,0.09123362664680053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249619563171269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517847474015536,0.0,0.0,0.15179431400215845,0.21960454374393146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892971354645612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389032844582988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490544364724145,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bladesoulgemini,2018/03/14,"Do you guys fantasize about your suicide? I think about it a lot. Like I imagine how it'll play out.

 Who would find me, the mess it would make, how my apartment would likely smell of my decomposing corpse and how that would likely give away what actually happened. The process of distributing my stuff and the pain my father and boyfriend would be going through. My co workers finding out, how they would all act surprised and pretend they never saw this coming. 

Do you guys go through the same thing?",5.470921658986175,7.261878150537632,4.436589861751155,86.91774193548392,68.56989247311829,7.034715821812598,30.4900153609831,7.447530270364453,1.7729305683563752,400,16,75,4,7,117,63,93,0.152,0.782,0.066,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,2,1,6,7,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,5,2,26,18,8,1,6,0,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,4,2,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,2,13,5,9,9,3,9,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,1,4,57,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.15546008986433732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967362965308706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722837855801787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29120637141610195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282123832316,0.181075024266838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154768123050115,0.14087414486875666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348721606723505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543662506688506,0.0,0.0,0.10633827523815964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286693533034515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951326736654773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823677420666928,0.1742553716778091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583610958321278,0.10207712416388087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6790002784817417,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minnie-sota,2018/03/14,"I've never told anyone this, but... ... the truth is, I've considered suicide off and on for years. 

I dealt with 5 years of psychological and sexual abuse from my step-father, and each time something happened I thought, ""This is it. I can't handle anymore."" But, somehow, I did, and now he's gone.

Then came the financial pressure. Bills still had to be paid; my mom couldn't do it on her own. And I pay them, on time or in advance, well in excess, but it's never feels like it's enough. I wish I made 60k instead of 30k, I wish I could provide better, I hate myself for going into behavioral health instead of a STEM field, I hate myself for wasting all those years of education. 

And in passing though I wonder, ""How much easier would it be on her if she received my life insurance payout?"" But to her, that isn't an option, and so here I stay.

But now I have two weeks - two fucking weeks - to somehow increase my client show rate. Otherwise, I'm getting the boot. Oh, they won't fire me, no, but they might as well. Because $10 an hour, $13 an hour, with no guarantee of a 40 hour work week, doing something I have no interest in doing? 

I may be able to live on that, but it will kill me on the inside.

Maybe it already has. 

Because I feel dead inside. I feel like a failure. I work my ass off and bend over backwards, but it's not good enough. It's never been good enough. And I hate myself more and more each day. 

I hate myself for being so fucking stupid and choosing a ""sure thing"" instead of taking a risk in the sciences. I hate my body for failing me; I found out this past month that I have rheumatoid arthritis, which means expensive medicines that add to the financial burden. I hate this field for being so obsessed with head counts rather than success stories. 

I wish I could take back the last ten years of my life, but I can't. 

All I want to do is provide for my family. That's all I've ever wanted to do.

But I feel like I'm failing. 

My mom may have taken suicide off the table, but sometimes, like now, I wonder. How different could things be if I were gone?",2.6556848739495784,4.161468683333337,3.8371708683473393,89.55390756302522,75.26190476190476,6.369747899159664,24.495798319327733,6.923569853693429,0.8248403361344532,1597,51,338,15,34,520,203,420,0.233,0.66,0.106,-0.9969,1,0,2,0,1,3,79.0,0,0,3,7,21,29,10,3,16,0,36,8,3,3,9,74,72,33,4,13,16,2,5,4,0,6,3,0,0,0,22,20,0,0,10,1,4,8,12,16,2,3,13,5,55,13,44,43,13,54,0,2,0,3,12,19,3,11,30,242,77,6,0.0751699770428265,0.08906413091014005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295193888665024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745484184511083,0.052560595737366086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780107238016086,0.0,0.09164584060560996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648173607098998,0.0,0.08349689863629056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859744282266155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005133009598695,0.0,0.0,0.04847841653557978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853662689569982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330120414601076,0.0,0.0,0.06799554779763974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086356439934154,0.0,0.1520327959917923,0.16110433985720055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241999990705115,0.0,0.1389868650064406,0.03927321047848894,0.0,0.04272083024623904,0.12609802065623646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647256244630997,0.0,0.0,0.4452887390482556,0.07714608298484188,0.07990217048992714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208185664517535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316444223922388,0.0,0.0,0.0612735640930917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618955565134912,0.14689701520368925,0.0,0.06637646690663686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112764981193029,0.0,0.0,0.07551834547114718,0.08188214183352922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797434666294685,0.0,0.1760763372104239,0.05999995851217092,0.0,0.05525858229488943,0.0,0.17392716113255613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175824874757245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573904160074397,0.07434502938669144,0.0,0.0,0.08012119384395602,0.060030840767419075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644475086077639,0.0,0.07084681376272693,0.0,0.11303693543427272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987918521030037,0.0,0.07385412078575739,0.059676565204088886,0.08766443622922901,0.0,0.0,0.0718281344030171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686028989195954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867440009361548,0.0,0.18089046420191185,0.0,0.13517367382565268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25932529154328565,0.0,0.1630372671328128,0.10944927711456676,0.0,0.0,0.05339859495922016,0.0,0.0,0.19362800268429547
suicidewatch,mck2789,2018/03/14,I don't know what to do. 29 f. Severe panic disorder with agoraphobia. Multiple health issues. I've never been so lonely. I've reached out so many times to family telling them I need them and no one listens. No one cares. I'm so tired.,-0.2768750000000004,1.929908395833337,2.2375000000000007,89.70750000000002,100.45833333333334,5.7333333333333325,18.5,7.1686216300943375,0.7732000000000001,185,6,38,4,8,63,36,48,0.34,0.578,0.08199999999999999,-0.9296,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,4,1,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645763316107532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974081183249495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446323833824592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758351004506358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708493378622351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261375956410668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630910635171861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241507960963813,0.20014147996200984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35168621924435056,0.0,0.0,0.3044659415386965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931597920407295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268133979216324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513158430175943,0.2982557084207232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bouncybear97,2018/03/14,"I dont even want to die anymore I have an weird mental illness , so weird no one knows what it is , i have had anything from schizo to bipolar to bpd and aspergers . I had one suicide attempt , all i managed with that is to break my ankle and leg . I have daily chronic pain , no passions or hobbies . Not a whole lot of friends , if any . I dont know what i want anymore . Well actually i do , the pain to stop . I dont care if anyone replies . ",0.8092918192918219,2.724745582417583,2.7467399267399317,93.37881562881563,82.1868131868132,4.923565323565324,26.5946275946276,5.82211442006289,0.7196437118437125,332,15,74,2,9,111,60,91,0.324,0.594,0.08199999999999999,-0.968,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,3,0,11,7,1,0,1,14,16,6,2,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,2,0,11,4,8,14,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,53,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.15775099484264726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993027012010324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206346802898358,0.11303224240193882,0.0,0.13302747637684514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359756656865324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648170368218718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777134045427206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5683718871852904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677094897854207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489348708941872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768163250493585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743245845976415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629092206035012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908188156534705,0.0,0.3440225280898277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351499907079442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682324938084087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069544676226927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145346368813698,0.0,0.0,0.1804809291147832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brushwind,2018/03/14,"The End? I am struggling to find the will to care about my own life. I feel that I have severely and irreversibly damaged what my life could have been, badly enough to seek a life exit before my 27th birthday. I managed to catch a felony charge when I turned 18, and it follows me everywhere I go. I was trapped in my hometown at first, literally unable to lawfully exit the county for several years. Once I was able to repay my debt to the community, I was able to join the workforce as an adult and start a dead end minimum wage job. I let myself waste away for a while against that grindstone until a promotion came around. This is not a dream, but this is the best life was able to offer at the time. Denied, due to criminal background.

I couldn't handle the idea of this being it. I could not accept that a drive thru window was to be the rest of my life. I decided almost overnight that I had to go to college. I managed to barely scrape my transcript and application into the admissions office of a large university on the last day of the late application period. I got accepted!

For the first year, I was brimming with hope. Each day seemed to hold infinite promise. This momentum quickly died in the underbelly of college town. I have never been a party personality, but I am the pushover that can be convinced to serve as dd regularly. I have a pathetic need for validation, which is easily abused.

I let the opportunity of education slip through my fingers over people that don't even know if I am still alive. The fault remains mine.
I washed out into the college town, just trying to make things work, trying to keep a roof over my head, trying to find some kind of path back to the classroom. I floundered out in those wilds for a couple of years, before admitting to myself that I really just don't care anymore.

I have since moved back to my hometown, my original prison, if you will. The secret that I carry is that I have no plan or realistic intent to start fresh, try again, or get back out there. I chose to come home because there are guns here. Previous suicide attempts of exit bags and nooses always end in fear, hesitation, and a deepening self loathing/hatred.

I struggle to see the proverbial light, or simply put, the point of me living my life to a natural conclusion. It just seems like an awful lot of trouble to live valiantly as a gay, asian, bastard, felon, with no marketable skills, no car, or meaningful education, no plans, no goals, no real future of mention.

The problem I face now is my own cowardice. I walk by the guns at least once a day, and hate myself a little more for still being here, continuing to leech off of this family. I don't know much about guns, but I feel most drawn to the ruger. This is not a will to die at all. This is no will to keep living.
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suicidewatch,jav402,2018/03/14,"What's the point anymore I'm 20 yrs old and I'm just ready to not be alive. I don't have a ton of friends, I get bad grades in college, I have no hope for my future to turn out better, and to top it off, no one cares about me. My parents and I fight all the time and I don't want to go home for spring break. I'm tired of being depressed and just want it to be over but there is no end in sight. I'm so ok with the thought of suicide that it doesn't affect me anymore. I think of it as a pretty normal thing now. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. It's been years and nothing's gotten better. I'm supposed to be living the best years of my life right now and I hate it, so why stick around before it gets even worse? I'm not going to get a good job because my grades suck, I'm going to have to live in a trailer park and be 'that brother mom doesn't talk to' to my future nieces and nephews, and I see no way in which anything gets better. If you made it this far thanks for reading, it feels kinda good to know someone was listening.",1.3167289272030658,2.2550120043103448,2.9151149425287346,97.11915708812262,77.66379310344827,5.327969348659004,21.078544061302683,4.4756072100314475,-0.3933398467432952,803,19,200,1,18,265,124,232,0.155,0.674,0.171,0.8012,2,2,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,1,0,5,11,16,3,0,8,1,16,2,0,2,1,33,49,15,1,5,6,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,16,13,0,1,5,1,0,3,11,5,0,1,5,4,17,11,32,39,3,27,0,1,2,0,9,12,1,3,10,120,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24818597191659564,0.0,0.0,0.10296937775525428,0.11139011911450493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447634429320653,0.07627664172960925,0.0,0.10647439686908836,0.0,0.13131372770727515,0.3319956604908218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757595789411647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777224419005872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108259401490983,0.0,0.0,0.1652912387440002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326828928833488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667329638615757,0.0,0.261496088459108,0.0,0.21333874673747236,0.20990223846165132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235376291681339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551321496647358,0.12427996973201147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416986506029913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375337459288642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838134538697813,0.0,0.0,0.2209799791046876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839878877037892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654796771692485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259851008654493,0.12006333549795604,0.0,0.1313003987356374,0.0,0.08478972027676787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893942502934653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182860549793045,0.0,0.0,0.1272997836951815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516149110744124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685831215812247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971052061678974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602023466975163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686931795825993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057284907785344,0.0,0.11520071008685147,0.0,0.0,0.08312923724838438,0.08017673273959786,0.0,0.0993373611643716,0.07296292718248862,0.14381580342999806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610292991220832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760703599492547,0.0993204883185353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290822353106855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751574471232655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115618223338926
suicidewatch,Apreallyyy,2018/03/14,"Today, I should have been dead. I have planned it already: quietly stab myself right in the heart if pills wont work. 
I havr tried the pills method but it just made me unconscious for some hours,  so I thought something string would do. 

What changed my mind was yesterday.  I shared  my thoughts to someone and she told what I told her to other people (my parents) . I honestly am still mad about her because I wasnt ready to have everyone know,  but I'm somehow glad that I let it out in the open,   and who am I kidding?  There's not really a time for me to be ready because I honestly am planning to do it. 
Today,  I was closely watched by everyone,  afraid that if they averted their eyes,  I'd do something drastic. However,  just a few hours before I type this,  my parents talked to me and told me that they trust me not to pursue my plan. They prayed me over and we had a lengthy talk. 

So, I'm giving life a chance!  And I have decided to let people help me this time because I have felt so alone with my depression and anxiety. I want to survive this.  

Tldr: planned suicide,  but failed so I'm giving life a chance. 



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suicidewatch,pressatopound98,2018/03/14,"I don’t think I can take it much longer I just can’t seem to find peace. It takes so much effort for me to keep living, and I just can’t find any good reasons. Whenever I think of my family, I’m reminded of how much I put them through and how much better off they would be if i was gone.  I’ve been hospitalized for trying to kill myself, and I definitely don’t want to go back. I think I’ll only try again when I have it in me to actually go through with it. I’ve become disgusted with who I am, how useless I am to everyone around me. Right now, I don’t have any clear methods, but I’m starting to make a plan. I just don’t want to be in a world where I feel like I don’t belong, where all I am is a nuisance to those around me. ",3.850196476964769,2.7606020548780528,5.619105691056912,87.23212737127373,71.13414634146342,9.240108401084012,26.758807588075882,8.515128840125781,1.3715726287262873,563,14,143,8,9,196,88,164,0.048,0.843,0.109,0.6908,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,3,15,6,2,0,3,0,19,0,0,5,2,30,36,10,1,4,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,8,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,3,1,25,3,22,30,5,18,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,2,6,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.14882373544373334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741845024725605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27152512498810544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172676047854867,0.0,0.0,0.16843075792978046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487905379592527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457258997247066,0.0,0.0,0.14376896693226612,0.0,0.07711155304151993,0.10895022807042457,0.0,0.0,0.2787752150212888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334520731637276,0.12791469294281735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555422954167512,0.16872515583399628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450666749647733,0.0,0.1346654822780775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179885625562854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484374647545494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598759064592107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331052748152074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568014400347824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023918456773592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388356215149058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794444376214052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933087786825554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931588216888225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708295770004054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799038335547795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833579848818516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iupnajv2,2018/03/14,Vote Republican or I kill myself I am NOT putting up with this shit. If we lose in November I'm taking my life,-0.3562499999999993,1.8152458750000025,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,90.25,6.533333333333335,20.5,7.793537801064563,0.9713500000000002,87,3,20,2,3,31,22,24,0.393,0.607,0.0,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673490019236046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983702019284548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725838310233232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246522793160964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336116397634007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31760989151920577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jiiiiiz,2018/03/14,"Idk anymore I've been sitting on the floor of my room for the last 4 days just thinking about the easiest way to kill myself and idk if I can do this anymore. I've been thinking about how people would react and I know that most people wouldn't care and like who will get all my things when I die, and hoe my school would react and everything else and honestly I just don't think I could live on for anything week i just hate everything and I want to die and I'm sorry I'm so pathetic ",4.758673139158574,4.453748961165046,5.425388349514563,86.74093042071198,69.09708737864078,8.808414239482202,27.846278317152105,8.344100000000001,1.5894414239482204,385,11,86,5,6,125,62,103,0.261,0.6759999999999999,0.063,-0.969,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,3,0,10,0,0,3,1,26,20,12,3,6,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,11,3,9,13,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,54,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541090246699654,0.0,0.0,0.14691557966072197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820239785204449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425422613819651,0.0,0.0,0.1151375519000247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705734244476128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491395170370693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32090381826602743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327493826925867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762621353533583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751780212391226,0.0,0.09811582067668896,0.14552637379750305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722109714309799,0.0,0.15764590614864998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754145927035195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180682630890638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998505366267453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860788462885387,0.3431858506634437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530205060935684,0.14170938420339246,0.14320658345610635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536462177552053,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Towabnhdtbas,2018/03/14,How do you get yourself out of bed every morning? Recently I’ve found that the hardest part of my day is getting up and going through the motions of my day without any purpose. What’s the point of going through the day if none of it matters? How do you get yourself out of bed if everyday is going to push you deeper into a hole you can’t get out of?,5.387027027027028,4.530138648648652,6.454729729729731,81.73587837837839,67.91891891891892,8.481081081081081,36.06756756756757,7.1686216300943375,2.5009027027027027,276,13,57,2,4,93,46,74,0.023,0.977,0.0,-0.1566,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,13,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,16,12,2,16,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320133524141198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464320819888182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220180876660265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631364956948684,0.0,0.0,0.5015391891119115,0.0,0.4091753061216261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25988563287403577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268679904435528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369610353749532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23134166217039565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sinderella1219,2018/03/14,"I need help. I have been in this abusive relationship for 6 months. I have no job, no money, have two interviews today but he got drunk tonight & kept me up all night so now I am afraid to fall asleep for fear of missing the interviews. I’m really thinking about killing myself. I just don’t want this anymore. He gets drunk & terroizes me. I am not the most kind to him either but I just didn’t know the drinking was this severe in the beginning. I’m looking to overdose. I have almost 8 months clean & since being out of that life, I have no connections. I need someone to help me. I want out of this situation, or today I’m going downtown to find what I need to end all this. I will do whatever I have to today because I can’t deal with another night of this. It’s been 6 miserable, crazy, abusive months. I can’t take anymore. ",1.9274342105263185,3.9186467251462,3.4833881578947405,89.12402960526317,78.82456140350877,6.614181286549706,24.722587719298247,7.6454224807358475,1.2249324561403503,654,24,138,10,16,216,95,171,0.273,0.6659999999999999,0.061,-0.9922,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,4,0,18,5,1,0,2,23,36,4,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,3,3,1,3,3,1,2,8,5,0,1,6,1,21,1,20,28,4,19,0,2,1,0,9,5,0,3,12,88,30,3,0.0,0.2907026475351415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284256722637073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39875907281956985,0.0,0.0,0.12863676896692658,0.0,0.0,0.2433237981647161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478231760469918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647385114459225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201760445549034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086547659563788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804491357236542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121238913896262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640932895579503,0.0,0.06971975323046192,0.0,0.09811542250267184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445464026647375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217372720575266,0.0,0.13572312047887086,0.12774846077847632,0.06741967158095158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664987984773817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030171728195714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937570930055681,0.0,0.0,0.27288870682929706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302467444730774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858956202459724,0.0,0.0,0.13170840728279307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858927049210526,0.0,0.10147908103105484,0.1378932711992032,0.0,0.0,0.10394320832455352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223729032161017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786060025229483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488482889761563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983689352014555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471528892934818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hecksociety,2018/03/14,"i need help (?) for like maybe an hour now i’m trying to kill myself but i just don’t have the guts to do it. what should i do now? i don’t want to live but i also can’t kill myself i’m just too afraid of the pain 


sorry for my bad english btw",-2.8629310344827594,-1.2284877241379275,0.2581896551724157,106.12452586206899,98.65517241379312,2.9000000000000004,8.974137931034482,3.1291,-2.370903448275861,184,1,52,0,8,64,37,58,0.307,0.617,0.076,-0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,3,0,7,2,1,0,0,7,11,3,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,6,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826982507905004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278932964110325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294576580783248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687906811381624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039348035081904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333445785606697,0.0,0.2410108059374496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274204671524089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238137142375887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904271451537476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30553371207766145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530817878087527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098694031608074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirkier,2018/03/14,"i’m tired hi, reddit. i’ve only been lurking for a short while now but this is my first post on here. i’m 18 and last year i moved from a southeast asian country all the way to western europe to start university in a subject i’ve since been dispassionate about.
i’ve been conflicted about everything since i started here, not that i haven’t struggled with similar things in the past. i don’t think i’m equipped to live by myself at all.
i’m all alone right now. it could be so easy to end it all right here.",0.8491194968553479,3.1487501698113256,2.2153773584905667,94.91256289308176,85.0377358490566,5.420125786163523,21.097484276729556,6.816661863887847,0.3289144654088059,402,13,90,5,12,129,71,106,0.058,0.8640000000000001,0.078,0.608,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,5,0,8,1,0,0,4,11,15,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,0,6,0,14,10,4,20,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,10,53,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261399835927204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743310339863357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338921495711825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962347654165878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857244846469463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779806421649107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280298738184729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206660411243285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606151478059106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843538941718384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091145357730927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729315550511055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612351403535164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30909199412566224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282620186569283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505898086513894,0.13990691512724932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095591597362005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331241439719425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060727806898288
suicidewatch,ElectronicBus,2018/03/14,"The only thing that keeps me going is telling myself to just keep going on for one more day but after more than a year of doing this, I really am losing hope and I just want to know what I can do to end my pain. Hi reddit,

I'm a 22 year old guy from Sydney, Australia. I'm new to reddit and just found out about this subreddit. I just want to get something off my chest and ask for some advice. So I've been really sad for about a year which means that I've had trouble getting out of bed, trouble getting myself to eat, trouble enjoying things I used to enjoy, etc. However in the past few weeks, it has been getting worse. I now have trouble getting out of bed before 12pm, I am losing a lot of weight because I don't ever feel like eating, I still don't enjoy doing anything, etc. The reason is because of the pain I experience when I see people having better/easier lives than me due to being wealthy, being born into a wealthy family, being white, being tall, being good looking, etc. When I see someone having a better/easier life then it feels like I've been stabbed by someone, it emotionally and physically hurts. I have thought about suicide a few times in the past year but in the past few weeks, I've been thinking about it daily.

I've been thinking about ending my life because I want the pain and suffering to end but when I die, I want to know that I have exhausted every option. The only thing left is seeing a psychologist but I've been very hesitant about it because A) I know what I'm sad about and I know what would make me happy but I don't know why I'm sad which I feel is information they really need and I don't have, and B) I'm not too sure what they could possibly do. I know they could try to change my thinking but I doubt it'll work. People say I can still enjoy life + be happy + be successful despite life being unfair (even though I might have to work a little harder), people say I am better off than many people in this world, people say a challenging life is more fun ... but that all means nothing to me. If I know I have to work harder then that is painful, if I know some people are better off than me then that is painful, if I know that life is unfair then that is painful, if I know my life is more challenging then that is painful. So what exactly can a psychologist do to help me then? I know that life is unfair, they know that life is unfair and if they try to change the way I think about it (e.g. by seeing challenges as positives or whatever) then I will still know that life is unfair and that's what I find painful. You just can't trick yourself. 

I just want the pain to end.",4.6948051143404275,4.8217868234200765,5.616880702940184,83.8298034245804,69.24163568773234,8.379948180691676,26.526078630167852,8.101407402915765,1.4623908302354398,2053,55,430,25,33,677,199,538,0.189,0.654,0.158,-0.9804,1,0,1,0,0,1,59.0,0,1,5,11,27,41,1,1,22,0,61,24,1,3,4,85,114,37,2,15,20,0,4,2,0,4,20,3,2,1,34,14,3,2,27,0,0,2,6,23,0,1,9,13,56,18,54,91,14,54,0,7,6,0,15,16,0,13,37,291,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483413089979872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040709424388096126,0.0,0.0462475783518625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062530615461453,0.0,0.04209515006405982,0.0,0.0,0.1750080465029321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046649626778979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899520833989168,0.0,0.0,0.031903923832508764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051341834670040616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123989639628918,0.0,0.05564685846598896,0.17526221209039655,0.0,0.1655156872171988,0.03267433159427955,0.0447482598012143,0.04168043406219908,0.0,0.0,0.048390949883107486,0.04663571796816803,0.0,0.0750402409462817,0.07068245974464991,0.0,0.0,0.04521449441301658,0.0,0.0,0.05424107442494649,0.0,0.0,0.12922962477994754,0.0,0.05622964657837897,0.04149291513568793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048982872517646096,0.0,0.10532302867951003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03315855934612652,0.0,0.0,0.04913466645186199,0.0,0.0,0.05295843636818305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794204970918654,0.0,0.0,0.3534349570031333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374907464130901,0.0,0.34941977661565504,0.04833688390834457,0.049581728582576264,0.04368273338519955,0.0,0.04154216667979671,0.1106880885564679,0.0,0.04205744879568176,0.0,0.0,0.03302147084395648,0.05015460532447489,0.0,0.10777421388680483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052479632531305005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668122454363947,0.0,0.047778234167541116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047467600414699516,0.0,0.05191022584559177,0.0,0.03352201190046298,0.07524801326170645,0.4737541269241503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167354459998902,0.20577675306507065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576975842715117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095074848073227,0.05086318619726804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802109445827336,0.0,0.0,0.15768407999492928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383118983500366,0.038084263385208136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851992133692502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411192406849085,0.0,0.04662469427818618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043238779390617516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859659654097083,0.12679298293538338,0.04860382026992141,0.039273489666471526,0.02884623401657992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717348407923861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427260175792842,0.0,0.040817759969070964,0.1458928276052386,0.03926681890806977,0.07936336765028001,0.0602408804101818,0.0,0.0,0.0446387934824414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804379505744063,0.0,0.050413945202202014,0.03514192145883322,0.0,0.0,0.12742769857069725
suicidewatch,riveringxx,2018/03/14,"no one truly cares about me no one will ever care. when i finally do open up to someone, they stop caring. whenever i say something that someone else says that everyone agrees with, suddenly it’s wrong. people hate me for just being me. there’s a black hole in my chest and it’s slowly eating me. ",1.4646246973365642,4.008927762711867,3.0971428571428596,87.86983050847458,84.9322033898305,6.083292978208232,20.292978208232448,7.447530270364453,0.8908673123486683,234,7,45,4,7,77,48,59,0.19,0.61,0.2,0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,8,3,6,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6091598657653527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378678259730867,0.16636967084789225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801484240170004,0.0,0.1903025364439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21816617211293868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196625777153322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26990714904107466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807001631156904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167544281702255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374892520811743,0.15332037623745584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650372191562735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774632976955685,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BadUsername87,2018/03/14,"I just can't live life anymore and want it to end. I can't go to work anymore the thought of getting up day after day in the morning to go to work to get that paycheck and ""live"" my life is just unacceptable. I know billions of people go to work everyday and do what they do, but I just can't do that anymore. 

I've never been at a point in my life like I am now where I just want to end it all. I'm literally googling ways to kill myself right now. I think of how when I die that how bad my family will feel but I'd write them a note saying why I had to do what I did. It's unbearable. Most of the time I could think of the positives in life but it's just not enough anymore. I just can't take it... I don't want to call some hotline either, I just thought maybe typing my stuff here would help but I doubt that'll do anything for me... ",1.1580180180180193,2.3002484054054086,2.997297297297297,95.54045045045044,78.45945945945945,6.230630630630633,22.06306306306307,6.742157984588678,0.21318738738738752,645,18,162,6,15,216,95,185,0.119,0.7959999999999999,0.084,-0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,3,14,4,1,1,6,0,19,4,0,2,2,36,35,10,2,5,13,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,12,3,0,0,7,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,5,2,23,1,22,26,5,23,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,3,12,110,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929285750674364,0.0,0.0,0.10225507159110328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375158419109168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688295507330005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921118764960647,0.0,0.0,0.16027433767814375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896185732704046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011426486490746,0.12839339402598424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171409016761228,0.0,0.0628293925015507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984103540829214,0.0,0.2118588001245188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328859743807802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374748480953498,0.0,0.06828983209734406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510729499150466,0.060706968949233275,0.0,0.2194470246995088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483548007445873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583667174958548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614596796987384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746549589614047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061170281693356,0.0,0.09881622944800626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224752482975114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342776257243572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924108166828238,0.0,0.1972965011341107,0.07245677797796657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987461265747246,0.09863149476939444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212497086110217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27138742845510844,0.0,0.0,0.08827046190495094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeansaiGorm,2018/03/14,"Feel calm about it. I'm mad anyway. My mind can't come back from this. I no longer know if I can trust anyone. I just want to go. Either way, whether or not I've lost my mind, my life is in danger and I'd rather be the one to choose to go as opposed to someone else taking that away from me.

I don't know who is messing with me. Changing the words on the radio to say things like ""I want to see you dead"". Cars pass me on the street and people walk by and I can hear the verbal threats ""I'll come for you"" or ""we will get you"".

I can't really handle it any longer. My head gets hot in certain places and it feels like that's where I'm going to be shot. All of this and being watched as it occurs by some kind of live stream where I can see myself in my mind from the 3rd person, seeing what everyone else sees of me. Constantly on a screen.

I ran and hid last night. I found a river and I was lying in the bushes with a broken tree branch as some form of backup incase I were to get attacked by one of these people who have been shouting from their cars at me. I convinced myself they were coming for me right then and I called 999. The woman must have known I was crazy. She didn't believe me on the phone and got pissed because I was too scared to give her my name. These people know so much about me I couldn't say my name out loud if they were listening in. I was terrified and I needed protection. I hid for another hour in the same place thinking every moment that a bullet was going to hit me or footsteps would approach and I would get beaten.

I can't live with this constant torment. Everything I do is exposed. I feel like I have eyes on me all the time. I no longer trust the authorities and feel if they got their hands on me they'd probably just find it easier to get rid of me too.

I don't know why I feel so passive and indifferent today. The meds I'm on have made me less empathetic. I can't put myself in my families shoes anymore. It sounds awful but I just feel nothing. My mind has been fucked for nearly 3 years. In and out of hospital, on and off medication. I never thought this would happen to me. Nobody ever thinks they'll hear voices.

Knowing I have this makes no difference because the experiences are all the same and I've no way to tell what's real anymore. It's all real and it's all happening from my perspective. I want it to stop for good because I'm exhausted of not even being able to trust my thoughts.

So today I don't have many resources at my disposal. I won't OD. I think it's a walk to the main road and a hope that some cars will be going fast enough to end this quickly. I don't see a way out when I can no longer trust anyone. Like I said I'd rather end things myself before someone else has the chance to. I've persevered for a long time and I want to check out.",1.8559663865546203,3.3546744705882365,3.3498235294117684,92.24120588235296,77.40336134453781,6.3062184873949585,20.639495798319327,7.003673034542,0.2647640336134458,2190,52,497,23,50,721,259,595,0.096,0.8190000000000001,0.085,-0.7693,1,0,0,0,1,0,52.0,1,3,7,2,20,25,7,1,25,1,51,9,5,2,9,103,112,35,2,16,16,0,8,4,0,8,3,10,0,2,28,30,0,3,20,1,1,17,19,11,0,2,20,26,83,14,74,76,16,74,0,1,8,1,29,32,2,10,26,331,111,1,0.0690587070897258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696228894498541,0.07241407572317189,0.0,0.0,0.13697536160971047,0.0965749073841082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856424895321673,0.06488292858442242,0.053101883012408015,0.0,0.12629264058645515,0.0,0.05876387331923968,0.07780551435567472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705166611649415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305495524314756,0.1784638838459341,0.0,0.14925585761767154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215165051221463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306906506116074,0.0,0.12233103354254315,0.07135610497971734,0.0,0.04561262472458555,0.0624675542482524,0.058184939200707726,0.06598855407010906,0.06206551300110672,0.06755266686069994,0.06510240297665568,0.0,0.20950894371926304,0.09867110828696447,0.0,0.0,0.06311840717604339,0.0,0.0,0.07571930783846692,0.0,0.06384366190727077,0.18040162080679653,0.06624740453803835,0.19623827348810285,0.0579231670386964,0.11046511338521277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213677321912393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708741569115364,0.0,0.15566836384814772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859087829753294,0.06800891566617474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191401639378615,0.1897642968764879,0.05629206342097946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877820712607544,0.13495438397602472,0.0,0.1219602071487862,0.061114782623629224,0.0,0.0,0.07538573658982094,0.0,0.0,0.06534501841798067,0.04609722323204088,0.07001468979630142,0.0,0.0,0.07670865540558768,0.06956938204843148,0.0,0.0,0.27891843094467056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076609570762729,0.051206156267331465,0.053262332241845324,0.0,0.0,0.06480691843859204,0.0,0.06626369197622176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935919343547706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436298365816308,0.06029939931224156,0.14430330102442926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445696644407925,0.0,0.0,0.06942307476806106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572078550863319,0.044240776110936776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897575852426092,0.06569064472712792,0.10983651138258343,0.06913981318567332,0.0,0.27515424244781805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702643682629935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057736171371218024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051923553269334365,0.0,0.06036035388214854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917590727993556,0.13275009310416028,0.0,0.10964979899360984,0.08053737491886072,0.0,0.13091915899677306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293045876369694,0.164446761808797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231474175371787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471719723763148,0.0,0.0,0.044471543187132936
suicidewatch,justanaccount00,2018/03/14,"Walked in the cold for two hours at 3AM Home now, safe and glad to be alive.

I was functioning off a day of no sleep, walking in the cold while carrying several bags. 

I guess I need to sleep.

Long, complicated story prior to being stuck outside. Gist is a guy I’ve been texting wanted to hang out for a while...and we finally did last night. I couldn’t be intimate with him, so that made me useless to him. I shown a few red flags cause when 3am rolls around I was requested that I leave when I was crying on the phone to another friend. I guess I was crying too loud. 

That friend is a good friend. I don’t really see them often, but they were willing to talk to me. 
I wish I have people backing me up. No one to run to when I need it cause you can only stand strong on your own for so long. 

I’m mentally unstable.
 I was cold and holding out.. had an urge to just jump off the highest floor of the parking deck.. whatever to end the torment. 

Found someone awake, he was warming up his motorcycle I think. He saw my horrendous, swollen crying face as I asked how to get out of the apartment complex.

Again it was really cold. I didn’t want to just freeze to death.. I wanted something quick if it did happen this night. I held out.
Took a while before asking an officer drive me somewhere to charge my phone and catch a ride home. 

It’s 5am now. Not sure I’m making much sense. I need someone to call me to keep me sane",1.3783673469387736,3.3008043537415013,2.9539795918367338,92.58566326530615,80.29251700680273,6.37687074829932,21.3843537414966,7.447530270364453,0.609239455782312,1096,32,246,16,28,360,173,294,0.097,0.805,0.098,-0.4305,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,1,2,2,1,16,10,0,0,16,0,23,4,3,5,1,39,48,14,1,9,5,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,8,10,0,4,3,0,0,9,6,1,0,2,19,10,37,9,40,24,3,46,0,1,3,0,21,16,0,4,20,154,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538057752144525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795387252415268,0.20573446941355972,0.0,0.0,0.08460959928384881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936311010429884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235734225482198,0.0,0.0,0.2260711118849301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626025977638673,0.07096303283118258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745774670170483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205372180095588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064695130992042,0.2550367256802641,0.0,0.05748839016896375,0.0,0.0,0.09229156621904326,0.0,0.0,0.24243041547456534,0.10895127536298464,0.0973029848817011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207467871774916,0.0,0.10836163947142063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780355848260187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969265605510013,0.0,0.11651045610031742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947538194416398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411713313912392,0.07344876235085207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108887131856448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088788516264489,0.24476715985567035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651950887048956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456210225263657,0.08368605792198318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628394216916236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409816046590356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768310603720401,0.0,0.0,0.12430746042576805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202275689020761,0.0,0.18646344279686272,0.08470979454264238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037060434376859,0.0,0.0,0.08844141757166027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050554861247968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222521770764541,0.0,0.0,0.10748754103335192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947032766791275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653403646985875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jeremyway,2018/03/14,"I want to die, but I just don't know when to. For the past 3 years, I've been thinking of ending my life. However, I always think that these little problems aren't enough to be the reason for ending my life.
I'm really confused now, do I have to wait for a bigger problem to come? And now I just feel that I'm not ready for this at all.",2.4550000000000054,2.77953395945946,4.214432432432435,91.20759459459462,74.27027027027026,7.0010810810810815,21.556756756756762,6.742157984588678,0.2591545945945941,259,5,62,2,5,88,50,74,0.21,0.774,0.016,-0.9327,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,1,1,17,15,3,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,11,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,7,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230990560588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908895037669266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398655107872595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094064839613055,0.2388081846685308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168609435161857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701721111278552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32649301972058986,0.0,0.23164241653239515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062967661696314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423002203817669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480610444527877,0.23762929813247224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961840359961171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363202458136873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883335491680946
suicidewatch,throwawayayx,2018/03/14,"I can't take it anymore I am really having trouble coping lately, I feel like recently I've been drinking more days than I haven't and been feeling suicidal more and more often. It got so bad that when I was on a work trip last week I almost bailed to go to a hospital and get help, but didn't want my coworkers to figure out what was going on, and was out of province so I wouldn't have been able to get home if I got put on a 24hr hold... I literally spent half the trip by myself alternating between ideas on how to end it, and trying to convince myself reasons why I shouldn't. I have the number in my phone for the local mental health support but cant bring myself to call, I get so anxious on the phone. I just don't know what to do anymore",5.91373417721519,4.508654518987342,6.9745253164557015,80.23558544303799,67.10126582278481,9.672151898734178,30.509493670886076,8.472884824447931,2.07226329113924,586,17,126,7,8,199,94,158,0.1,0.8340000000000001,0.065,-0.4784,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,0,18,2,0,2,0,24,33,13,1,4,4,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,7,1,1,6,1,1,6,7,2,0,1,10,2,18,3,21,21,3,22,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,8,89,24,1,0.16758802299652178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781519699125025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932676395184966,0.3324045731348515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399289990456986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112610894370964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808041062153044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641724611098899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843324561433954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947507976743126,0.1197249171143855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26267347522534623,0.0,0.19048827107285768,0.0,0.2680709028951491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813823167604367,0.0,0.0,0.11233071921065732,0.0,0.1681044513576865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891864790788043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092101994633453,0.13660660641763295,0.1890465895605518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187504283808214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888931005681604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847225123405166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107361178868156,0.17230839938623965,0.1654729547393259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833140965213894,0.19017690248852945,0.0,0.0,0.12600533670658506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378126684789115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098847758019302,0.0,0.13442900329409496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122212410487013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220060767051885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,webby_mc_webberson,2018/03/14,"If I lived in a country where I could buy a gun, I'd need to buy only one bullet. There's a beauty in that. A very simple symbolism. I wonder how the conversation with the sales person would go. ",1.0415853658536598,2.9676930975609785,3.6611585365853685,87.07027439024392,81.4390243902439,6.051219512195122,17.567073170731707,7.1686216300943375,0.1795317073170728,151,3,32,2,4,53,32,41,0.066,0.8290000000000001,0.105,0.34,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143410237352832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375135202719626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476483047624276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919269134730214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667843723664602,0.2994300289829884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437676015672806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248474616346944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42695575836798666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796763955571764,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evilvix,2018/03/14,"I have one reason to live tonight I don't want my kid to have to be the one to find my body. I could go out for a drive, I suppose; I did, actually, but ended up back at home. Would my kid get himself to school if I wasn't here? 

I'm not certain anymore that depression is the only problem I have. It's always asked when the symptoms began and it's always been that as far back as I can remember, I have always felt this way. So now what? Is there help for a 30 something adult who is incapable of coping with daily life? I'm going to have to skip work again tomorrow. I can't deal with basic tasks. It feels as if I never learned how to be a fully functional human being. Is there a how-to guide?

Edit to add: Jeez I kinda thought suicidal ideation was basically understood here, but let me spell it out: I know my kid loves me and needs me, that is why I am not acting on this. But goddamn. I've sought help, I've been medicated for over a decade and just 12 months ago started a new medication. It helped me to find work, but I am still failing to achieve basic life skills. Where do I learn this? ",2.3382251082251098,3.5549629307359325,4.02452380952381,89.06630952380955,75.53679653679654,7.038095238095237,24.08874458874459,7.594959193182576,0.9482225108225112,851,26,191,11,18,286,135,231,0.133,0.8140000000000001,0.053,-0.9616,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,5,14,5,0,0,9,0,27,7,1,2,2,37,43,15,1,7,9,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,5,13,8,0,0,11,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,9,2,25,2,26,28,0,28,0,2,0,1,13,8,1,3,15,128,38,8,0.0,0.0,0.13128867390861226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192589049370378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358366055715341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342452143123987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577390424193394,0.0,0.0,0.2069012483636604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944024263702124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741682184655438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870170685984348,0.11587649369208995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915982126121052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802593357618254,0.0,0.12917658782019198,0.0,0.2459287034397201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029001314893543,0.0,0.15292091902628266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27053188188169724,0.0,0.13495154871868298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393799935385224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757316528589356,0.1900548789384362,0.0,0.0,0.11879860787553555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142486660057905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710636831907738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738612457125356,0.0,0.0,0.09975745731220087,0.10376320392464096,0.12993664237545974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233146318226653,0.1023214268903714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873370908670476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832641055371528,0.0,0.0,0.15240415871437932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615859454578574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357313110953094,0.0,0.0,0.09522595864886248,0.0,0.10744139670462424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471616071301403,0.0,0.0,0.1398354233901542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680732493658113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793533896594492,0.10678918328769173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139868803984513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588903055781887,0.0,0.0,0.09557120225437388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LosingThisBattle9289,2018/03/14,Fatass Figures Final Front Frees Fully I am a 5’5 bald 320 lb man. With a penchant for writing and tech. I don’t have much else going for me. I just feel it’s time to let go. I’ve been hospitalized for mental health several times. I’ve tried lots of medication. I’ve tried making friends; no luck there either. I’ve tried weightloss before through exercise I’ve lost 20lbs only to gain it all back. No one wants to love a monster like me. I just feel I’ve failed on all fronts. I’m a non person. I just need to fucking end it. Only one person ever loved me....and they have a whole other life now. Fuck it all. Me and the razor blades have a date.,-0.5058888888888866,1.7237845407407448,1.5521296296296292,95.95708333333336,96.1851851851852,3.885185185185185,15.638888888888893,5.6839178017228535,-0.6846222222222221,503,12,110,4,20,166,88,135,0.098,0.74,0.162,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,7,10,2,0,7,0,7,9,1,1,4,20,20,2,0,2,4,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,1,1,4,3,4,0,2,2,2,9,7,11,17,7,13,0,2,0,4,8,1,2,2,9,59,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412334290111675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735799908446625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484713842848467,0.0,0.14297173624051251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601519223599266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323934913344118,0.0,0.0,0.17682960999678365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471402465729566,0.2984635681234681,0.0,0.0,0.18347937307455092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715837457311396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506465092718278,0.1140169384915566,0.0788625013276412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621088183266842,0.13723497848044236,0.2913788190836877,0.0,0.10775025519684436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261540596212987,0.1626751324566641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866354162612945,0.1196921640525066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876707758143973,0.24553699228961826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818944486701479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823606028889437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825261245582775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287842667367342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521071596197972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022159176064564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missjokesnacksnaps,2018/03/14,"At my worst I've struggled with suicidal ideation since I was 10 years old. I don't even go to anyone about the daily thoughts anymore. I finally sought help and got medicated, but honestly now on my 2nd medication and still think about it daily and the side effects are almost unbearable. It's one extreme or the other when I open up to people. Hearing I'm selfish is one of the most hurtful things I could ever hear. I feel like I have more love to give than most, but no one lets me in. I've always been the weird person, the one that says things in conversations that causes silence, or gets talked over, or straight up ignored. Even professors ignore my discussion posts and e-mails. I have people read them and they say it's not the way I'm wording it, so it's like there's some barrier in the universe against me. All ""advice"" is the same old extremes like ""but you have so much to live for!"" or ""well if you're going to talk about it then just do it already!"". I get angry with myself often for not having the guts to follow through. I feel weak, alone, and afraid. I'm honestly have this fear that I'll be that one person that survives and will be stuck living in even more pain than I already do. I don't have many friends, and the ones I do have either turn out to be horrible people or I manage to mess it up somehow. I have a career and I'm in grad school, so despite my societal appearance I'm falling apart inside. I'm so tired of feeling this way, but I don't feel like there's any hope for me. The thoughts never go away. I always feel alone, unloved, and unwanted no matter what is going on. I had a really rough relationship with my parents growing up. We got along slightly better as I got older, but there was a lot of resentment between us. My dad and I had finally started to get along when he bled to death after a hospital fall two years ago. My mom has Bipolar II (I have been evaluated for that, and thankfully don't have it) and is medicated but it doesn't stop all the symptoms. She is my best friend one week and my worst nightmare the next. I never know when I can depend on her. My boyfriend is wonderful and does a lot for me, but he has severe ADHD which he has only recently become medicated for and we have been through a lot of ups and downs together, including my family despising him because of his lack of a career and poor upbringing (judgmental much). Most of my ""best friends"" are non-existent now. Grad school is a joke. I just can't seem to find the silver lining. I am so tired of feeling like this. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I'm not okay and I'm not sure I'll ever be. I can't talk about this stuff with anyone else because it sounds like a bunch of ""pity me"" and ""woe is me"". I know that I am pathetic, but at least it feels good to be able to get my thoughts out there.",3.1319952978056413,4.389316591379313,4.38228840125392,87.12200626959248,73.60344827586206,7.6175548589341675,25.940438871473354,8.150884317080207,1.4570000000000003,2213,74,472,34,44,729,266,580,0.203,0.664,0.133,-0.994,1,2,0,0,0,0,71.0,3,1,2,5,30,40,2,3,24,1,52,14,3,3,7,104,99,45,2,6,23,3,8,6,3,1,10,5,0,3,29,32,0,4,17,2,1,10,16,18,1,8,14,13,59,22,69,77,22,63,0,3,0,1,35,25,0,21,31,334,88,9,0.06535795213668394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785475574933129,0.06386703440345555,0.0579358810959943,0.0,0.06544654812826307,0.1353822549731101,0.14424825082253234,0.0,0.1087661037882075,0.0,0.0,0.04444564867262223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481752631395794,0.09139959956409736,0.06696694560948223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140594748463603,0.0,0.0,0.07968320198388605,0.07218272322145589,0.0,0.0,0.13717827700448007,0.0578037974072532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714062052087554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218300655617402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057195184354279276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545981824609574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950493294225787,0.118240019042013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061613660565684174,0.07354586674606937,0.2313286107092882,0.14007520219675,0.0,0.14319288378855108,0.05973598419379201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514861750801756,0.0,0.13658732976569116,0.06269730317063545,0.18572215186937766,0.054819149365214384,0.15681817465878006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732632425863648,0.0,0.04380805763071625,0.0,0.0,0.06491519360417079,0.0,0.0,0.06996703952763852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183804247241793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066832934196495,0.0,0.1915835643378184,0.0,0.11542453829976675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669498105236774,0.05898810354817645,0.0,0.0,0.06626270513037506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263365043089637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765464436236629,0.0,0.0,0.09609123000563824,0.0,0.10081616375550674,0.0,0.06950892356716429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716435275302946,0.0,0.3100176789143921,0.049707667742067016,0.0695454691516837,0.0,0.0725722712556234,0.0,0.0,0.1359329240338264,0.1141360856640366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259485154028224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537563892674074,0.0,0.04186997772477176,0.0,0.06453309289287927,0.07016998106402125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039505336304108,0.0,0.13229147371371594,0.0,0.05949942495222444,0.0,0.0738358825130067,0.0,0.054064773397906586,0.0,0.06540515286807376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462606949178784,0.0,0.05219494500266434,0.05464217452163762,0.0,0.06832632230606532,0.0748192184434542,0.07149099161264699,0.0,0.061599096409232536,0.06793193738293286,0.0,0.15759673863672352,0.0,0.06017282120965702,0.0,0.0,0.0868418385003187,0.0418787366907465,0.0,0.15566074032728805,0.0,0.15023870287591504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109068391630106,0.06384522235565994,0.0,0.07861756910803654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03854981353636555,0.10375620048767692,0.0524262068731483,0.0,0.058764648145385005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087791110865464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417675666278243
suicidewatch,thislonelygirl,2018/03/14,"How do you find motivation to keep going even when your world is falling apart? If you have nothing in your life, have given up on your dreams, have no one to live for, and have no hope left, how do you find motivation to keep living?

I don't trust anyone anymore... I hate most people...

The only reason I'm still alive is because I don't have access to a less painful method of suicide.",3.2457692307692305,4.613445628205131,4.154358974358973,88.43230769230772,73.48717948717949,6.2256410256410275,23.256410256410252,6.42735559955562,0.48385641025641,301,8,63,2,6,97,54,78,0.21600000000000005,0.642,0.142,-0.7826,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,6,0,2,5,4,1,0,2,0,11,2,0,5,0,13,18,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,0,9,2,9,17,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,2,43,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098838142468448,0.14797924009185792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900997087402213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978209719619064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868588304235369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027633833376546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894451537763506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020006796035026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762196054297829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299406907234829,0.0,0.14948317775446654,0.0,0.0,0.3737529605602867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306829278794214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340850744450234,0.16095700493854306,0.22519323336161354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672019642626782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759474455413813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690109876841202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23149297508319716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moderatorsaretoxic,2018/03/14,"Can someone explain to me why one would get mad that other people care about them? I'm more of.a.drop in visitor from time to time in this Reddit. What I don't understand from a lot of the posts here is why so many people get mad because random people tell them that life is worth living.

These aren't paid or going to send the cops to your house like the hotlines will. Not everyone in the world is a jerk, and although most are...it's wise to realize that there are some good people out there that genuinely care.  They don't claim to know what you're going through half the time, so why take offense?

Anyone care to explain?",5.109459999999999,5.683897656000003,5.041350000000001,86.74842500000004,68.44,7.85,26.825,7.6454224807358475,1.3219799999999997,497,14,101,5,8,154,83,125,0.081,0.765,0.153,0.8675,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,0,6,10,4,0,7,0,10,1,0,0,0,14,24,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,0,2,3,4,4,0,2,1,0,6,6,16,21,4,12,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,5,4,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762613124442133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938296753551882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708024805850388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470794634621173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083621755233354,0.0,0.17495531085404614,0.12910281866498827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760580056425204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459173370947498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087199535411088,0.0751987169091697,0.0,0.13591631218433906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085933267462405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605316944459566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430181175553838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42684168690090796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741512521343214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041796249246887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573049998620374,0.0,0.13453497486757804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692601934979898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023866208574536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166731145455788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093420671650234,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amikothecat,2018/03/14,"Lost my job, about to be homeless, and letting depression get the best orlf me Title says it all. My thread is very, very thin right now. I'm so close now.",0.08531250000000057,2.366481906250001,1.1737500000000018,100.89625,89.3125,4.45,17.375,5.985473137389443,-0.5780250000000002,119,3,28,1,4,37,29,32,0.157,0.733,0.11,-0.2023,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,2,3,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418701580131773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28058082573684195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019871159363587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323271390812002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331166752224746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556108637700597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782014394104722,0.0,0.2590613188458551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375803085943914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,someguyonreddit25,2018/03/14,"back here again... i seem to be escalating my friend staying with me for a few weeks and in that time I was really happy wasn’t depressed at all but since you left I’ve just been hit with everything again. if it wasn’t for my dog i would’ve done it. even though my dad is an unsupportive asshole with anger issues and my mom died, i won’t want to hurt him more for some reason

too many fucking problems.. injuries, pain, bad friends who fucked up my life permanently but at least i learned about the painless method now I have a way out that’s easy and painless 

 i’ve been sober for a while now but i’m probably going to relapse and get heroin tonight to numb myself.  when my dog pass away then i’ll go, he never abandoned me and I won’t abandon him

sometimes i think he would have a better life elsewhere though

. since my mom died i’ve got nobody supportive in my life, nobody that cares. i’m invisible/unwanted and society sucks",2.9593085106382984,4.79394817553192,3.7425,89.15875,75.22340425531914,6.827659574468084,25.04787234042553,7.6454224807358475,1.1475787234042554,739,25,155,10,16,235,118,188,0.23,0.621,0.149,-0.9761,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,13,18,4,0,6,0,13,7,0,1,2,27,28,15,2,4,5,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,4,0,0,3,5,12,0,0,7,0,22,6,19,16,5,25,0,4,0,2,11,8,3,3,12,96,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623838488732786,0.10331679059831532,0.1121874246044386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883308252627653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699195022959734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572658481992408,0.0,0.2788949924673624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749991543415052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874544046222224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075672737657928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761691506255775,0.24843270611559504,0.07019907929117063,0.0,0.15272308595616305,0.0,0.10746230021045017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430318252113043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383828321396466,0.0,0.0,0.1402399783315866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459857040905752,0.0,0.2847135087598539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362229102647871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147284524626166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362896595819028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297161857386284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448659515311581,0.1285671668957562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607632615010226,0.13814745833022152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231895468387476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222927893021681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328883620471856,0.0,0.0,0.14321299356557018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247344764089785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609433283778037,0.2640217704564168,0.0,0.07834809829517399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792507305543334,0.10665103062604224,0.10777782857419577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908951244835244,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kyndreila,2018/03/14,"I've been struggling with this since I was 8 years old... It all started up when I was 8 years old, in fact i didn't realize i was depressed until my brother stopped me from od with a bunch of pain killers. Since then I've had the same suicidal thought twice. Two years ago I got diagnosed with anorexia because my self steem got to a point where I just couldn't love myself (and i still don't) and to feel a teeny tiny bit happy i'd starve myself to faint. 

And the past couple months have been a living hell inside of me: my grandma,my beloved grandma died on January 7th and since that day i've been on an emotional rollercoaster, the fact that i combined natural sadness with depression is simply destroying, there hasn't been a single day where i won't cry myself to sleep, and then again i sleep 12 hours a day and i feel so tired and useless...


Is it worth living anymore?
",6.870790960451977,5.749089073446331,6.680000000000002,82.1987570621469,65.045197740113,9.900564971751416,33.790960451977405,8.841846274778883,2.5687468926553683,694,25,144,9,9,219,106,177,0.236,0.669,0.095,-0.9833,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,1,10,0,16,7,2,0,3,22,23,12,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,11,0,1,4,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,12,2,19,2,16,9,5,27,1,4,0,1,3,7,1,0,20,89,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902987582064893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316828815235693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185498742496397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659745190377665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485767154169844,0.14749873541008915,0.2597957626672131,0.0,0.2313079205612948,0.13628995111545375,0.1393599855706558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510453501070107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579058822368956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478972389180306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429420651926877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223737133350932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371409254605586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119167789303685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717989637189214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818056024411029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288189633808854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818411637789975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693667842905393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400818634949317,0.0,0.0,0.3332299332685536,0.0,0.26875114615131473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950430832721504,0.0,0.10723506235865787,0.11226292109209753,0.0,0.1403771463473074,0.0,0.14687899265480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066022082849818,0.0,0.15433349600004584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311706794644977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594130451547252
suicidewatch,idwwmt237,2018/03/14,"just need a reason im a 16 year old girl and i dont see a point anymore. i feel sad, useless, worthless and broken and ive felt this way for years. ive been self harming since i was 11. i have absolutely no potential, nothing to live for. i had straight a's up until this year, now im struggling to even pass my classes. completely burnt out. i have absolutely no talent, everything i do (piano, guitar, writing, running)  im just barely mediocre at. i have shitty grades and no talent. my friends would all be so much better off without me, they probably hate me anyways. and i cant talk to my parents about this, they never listen. hardly even blinked when they found out i was cutting. on top of all this, i have a terrible relationship with my parents. i cant talk to them about anything and i get screamed at for everything. im not even allowed to CRY because they say theres no need for that. and, theyre super homophobic and i already know im getting disowned when they find out im gay. everything in my life built up and now its crumbling down, taking me with it. ive been waiting for it to get better for years but im losing hope. my shitty grades, lack of talent and deteriorating mental health wont bring me anywhere in life anyways, shouldnt i just end it? i just need a reason to hold on.",1.464172077922079,3.756485125000001,3.3288095238095248,87.99000000000002,82.21969696969697,5.58961038961039,24.958874458874455,6.868970318607317,1.0436919913419915,1019,41,206,12,28,341,139,264,0.162,0.748,0.09,-0.9304,3,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,6,6,17,18,2,1,6,0,20,4,0,3,3,43,37,15,0,7,7,2,3,0,1,3,3,3,0,2,9,15,0,2,7,1,0,3,12,10,0,0,7,7,35,8,34,26,4,32,0,4,1,1,17,16,0,1,12,137,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635188440852263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659087049495509,0.0,0.0,0.07185102353123872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532250937052823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444221401365746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154584612537364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590904916831453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232999215128853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733325583894951,0.0,0.0,0.17300791181915345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23541343794930145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414799274831396,0.0,0.08383401391986912,0.0,0.07980234923126728,0.0,0.0,0.09573401671594517,0.06745767960251448,0.0,0.1368520574864077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821515002111723,0.0862033479647797,0.0,0.09280946049441298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867213459413251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.660189912035286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798485059588493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334327477856905,0.0,0.0,0.07709883280213058,0.0,0.0,0.09768072841904599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799080131294841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418497994521108,0.19422408207351347,0.06734104088812924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377901986168361,0.0,0.09162013255668053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390114060762006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253885091873077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941380035509893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954427227923755,0.0,0.09374130869353586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943467073915505,0.0,0.0,0.06957702493043808,0.0,0.0910863289517094,0.0,0.0,0.07222607923914393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127833261552604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564838557745549,0.14035749857345972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930486421187539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416645701247405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062024532737188526,0.0,0.0,0.22490641187282476
suicidewatch,onlysaysNOO,2018/03/14,"I just can't anymore Its been so many years of feeling like this and trying to pretend that I've been doing okay or that I'm getting better on meds, and I'm just doing worse and worse as time goes on. 

There has been so many things leading up to this but I am ready now to make this decision for real. 

Edit: my stupid fucking arms are scarred too thick to cut through without a Sharp enough blade and I don't have one so I guess option 2 it is",1.8105526315789469,3.30835135789474,2.8286184210526346,95.93345394736843,77.52631578947368,5.171052631578949,22.40131578947368,5.148860815047168,-0.07423684210526371,349,10,80,1,8,111,69,95,0.13,0.769,0.1,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,3,0,1,1,12,2,1,2,0,16,19,10,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,3,5,3,12,16,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,4,54,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922254204270653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195501064726854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284040945771215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117696951312232,0.15791840905281507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435747994601106,0.11548968058818165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435118740125473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799403180014784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755282029234235,0.44822070471945774,0.0,0.0,0.24553709860034845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978943309825438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160368416697737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685602547904106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288962325171005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007867262472988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308464224386955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45053836831195704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423491733327047
suicidewatch,Fosui,2018/03/14,"25 (M) I'm in the happiest place in the world and I only think of ending it all. I have never had a rough life. I grew up in an above average income home, I have amazing parents, and have had a good life. But every single day all I can think about is ending it all. I was out in an all inclusive resort after snorkeling today, staring out into the sea, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. All I could think about today is ending it all, just swimming out to see and taking off the snorkel, jumping onto the jagged rocks and splitting my head open, or just slicing my throat with any sharp object I came across today. The world is such a shit place, there is so much stupid shit going on, whether it's bad drivers, or shit employees I have to deal with, and in general just knowing that people don't give a shit about others and only about themselves. I got pretty tipsy the other night and ended up coming clean to my family, telling them all that every second of every day I am thinking about ending it, their response was to try and force me to go to lay down and go to bed to talk about it tomorrow even though I had said I don't know if I can even make it through the night. I feel like I am absolutely alone in this world. I feel like I will always hate people and the things they do that are so inconsiderate of others (including myself). There is no meaning to all of this shit so why should/would I put up with this!? The good moments have never outweighed the bad, I have gone through absolute true love, any hobbies ive wanted to have, and have spoken to so many people about this issue. No therapist cares, they are in it for the money, no fiends will care, because they have to put themselves first, and now to find out that my family doesn't want to talk to me about these issues is driving me over the edge. I don't know what to do at this point in my life, I'm ~1/3 through this shit life and I hate it, every second of every day. I don't know how I can stand another day, let alone years.",6.882810218978101,5.2773952068126535,7.066835766423356,80.99864781021898,65.30170316301704,9.777177615571775,30.039051094890514,8.238735603445708,1.9114709489051096,1574,39,331,16,20,510,192,411,0.128,0.7759999999999999,0.096,-0.919,3,2,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,5,1,24,20,9,0,20,0,41,13,8,2,12,63,74,24,0,4,8,1,4,2,0,2,4,1,3,0,27,24,0,0,12,2,1,12,10,11,0,3,11,8,40,9,60,59,11,66,0,0,3,1,13,30,6,4,25,240,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646978062853505,0.0,0.0,0.05883691095573591,0.0,0.0,0.09617131007701027,0.07414626380830283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180808495163723,0.04310454540987367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087412633444101,0.14418840540328662,0.0,0.0,0.06091094896375548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645668647149015,0.0,0.0,0.18241003350707485,0.07289955746812947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131431629281053,0.0,0.0,0.09340741208234528,0.06396181557929179,0.29788378906735324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331938293640114,0.0,0.07150684106679599,0.10103138032543853,0.0,0.0,0.06462823729913643,0.060146428091590334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783208215306892,0.12055944635094284,0.11861744780895625,0.05655375254657264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962422113921874,0.07256950921590309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092853003728211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760705877632047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544285805858915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230641277519165,0.19978004428267288,0.06909128685579131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381910678109776,0.0,0.047199896435319945,0.07168948313223962,0.0,0.07702460859320273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198045113832472,0.0,0.10907279829260116,0.0,0.0,0.13271427752583714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755724509364638,0.0,0.0,0.07851578962573036,0.0,0.0,0.14706554834224358,0.0,0.1477551224580845,0.0,0.06684440364173809,0.0,0.0,0.07193813443448982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216743263600182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726200431384552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056347219362440276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355006902508309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05316559577850944,0.11366905626087305,0.0618042097176997,0.0,0.0,0.08210049464017595,0.09395400480695762,0.1812340731748681,0.06947283765589911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010762355991033,0.0,0.0,0.04800787806700543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341392648636099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380534771831574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502308047159155,0.0,0.0,0.04553532914955582
suicidewatch,bklove1,2018/03/14,"I had a brush with death and it made me want it even more Recently I got into a car accident when someone else fell asleep at the wheel. It totaled my car and I was knocked out. When I woke up I was so confused. It made me think that death seems so easy... I would have never known if I didn’t wake up. I have a lot of issues on my life, grief and schizophrenia. I just can’t do this anymore. ",0.5060294117647075,2.1669261176470584,2.0196323529411764,99.5070955882353,81.94117647058823,5.191176470588236,20.036764705882355,5.985473137389443,-0.3077941176470582,300,8,75,2,8,97,59,85,0.205,0.779,0.016,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,9,3,2,2,2,19,16,8,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,8,1,13,0,8,7,3,13,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,4,4,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747478021566229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314301622717748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829813514839635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157303883633456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891562725199291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956805230303502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552827082004546,0.0,0.5242811548365784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21366921100568825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27354214896765777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522054938663452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347338669844931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751511847499765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340451641677775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680023947012854,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BirdAccessories,2018/03/14,"New job anxiety is making it worse I haven't been able to stop thinking about killing myself for the past month+. It's not like that's completely new to me, but it's never been this bad or this frequent. I can't go an hour without thinking I should just end it and I can't focus on anything else.

Despite that I've been trying to find work so I can get away from my current living situation and try to get better. I start a new job tomorrow, first time I've worked in the last 5 years outside of sporadic commissioned artwork, and I'm absolutely sick with anxiety. I know a big part of it is being afraid of the newness of it and not knowing exactly what to expect and my fear of fucking up, but I'm terrified that this isn't going to be a good fit. It's sales with a lot of pressure to perform, and I'm absolutely not a natural salesperson and i hate approaching people/talking. I didn't even apply; I was seeking positions with way less responsibility but was approached by a recruiter and was desperate for money so I accepted--and now the more I read about the job/company the more I feel like it's going to drain me even further and I've totally fucked up.

My biggest fear is failure and I feel like I'm setting myself up for a lot of it when I'm already in a delicate place. Getting through tomorrow doesn't even feel possible, let alone the next three days of 7 hour training shifts. I cry at nothing and I can't seem to keep myself calm, I'm so emotionally exhausted.

I have a wonderful therapist but other than seeing her once a week I have no support system and I feel completely isolated and alone.

I don't know if this post has a point. I just don't want to feel this bad anymore and i think I've bit off so much more than I can chew atm.",3.9385041551246514,4.8063725678670375,5.502541828254849,81.33130858725764,71.24376731301939,8.878493074792244,30.78349030470914,9.174902378510234,2.5874289418282537,1391,59,284,28,25,473,186,361,0.243,0.695,0.063,-0.9968,4,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,5,13,18,4,4,19,0,27,5,0,1,3,54,61,25,1,4,12,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,19,17,1,2,14,1,3,5,15,11,0,2,7,6,32,7,41,50,10,49,0,0,1,2,1,15,2,6,28,185,51,6,0.0886156719731702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183558222151694,0.09778959759066938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558149301542965,0.0,0.08788293485600404,0.0,0.0,0.07292314748932979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325734086833504,0.0,0.14798076923701198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837336058407025,0.09674536253688236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582369216031175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734015459113954,0.057149777431062976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402702301891574,0.09968070362644972,0.07848718284328894,0.0,0.0,0.1755894467519158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943453518624396,0.224033731763296,0.12661410752776256,0.0,0.0,0.08099311877521947,0.07537644531104158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384752161056285,0.13889409338700198,0.0,0.1510869855939439,0.07432662130901538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748962991427094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453717325157836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381214243261725,0.07876568089393343,0.09804011153421008,0.0,0.14610256744926478,0.07223360003431853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906155284880313,0.0,0.12987942352681126,0.0,0.07824926186668085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067575077034245,0.0,0.0,0.05915164915406115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073218392615907,0.0,0.06514271515017914,0.0,0.06834586920859936,0.3423422727635654,0.09424377246634624,0.0,0.0,0.08502912723614636,0.0,0.0,0.09437279854875943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596213721274993,0.08459368597067922,0.0,0.0,0.09258451632762266,0.0,0.08377045313111685,0.0999008554003688,0.08486931811606742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886396526325191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061521745288964,0.08067237959249335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960772814895297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272262872497042,0.0,0.0,0.07408666971669642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056001441193008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122592043003942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288962521317124,0.0,0.17034403336920018,0.0,0.0,0.051672510955912285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120328448768606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226781928266777,0.07033899569229188,0.07108214684194332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542234552450732,0.09609991616341863,0.12902652920805466,0.0,0.09030694038931608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706558737179063
suicidewatch,SWthrowaway1102,2018/03/14,"I had a dream where if I can’t find love by the time I graduate university I’d hurt myself. Edit: I’m sorry if this is the wrong sub for this, I have a depression-headache right now and can’t really think. 

And I believe it. I’m kind of content with the idea. I had this dream last wednesday night and it’s been at the front of my mind all week, even though I won’t show it, can’t talk about it bc then its just me being manipulative. 

Its all I’ve ever wanted, all my life I’ve just wanted to feel loved from someone else. Not like my fucking vampire parents who’ll never let me escape or feeling love “as a friend” I want a chosen family. I don’t even need it to last, I’d like it to last, or to be real, but I just want to know its in my capacity to be loved by someone else. Its why I even came to university. I don’t care about grades or jobs or what comes after because this is the only time in my life when I’ll have the freedom of being able to explore dating in a safe enviornment, but clearly not for me. I keep being told that its fine or dating outside college is possible or I’m not hopeless but I want the charade that is this life of suffering to end. 

I’m content with the idea of it, at least for now, in the same way someone contemplates a tattoo. If you can wait a year and still be interested in that design/ location/ etc then you’ve truely thought it over. If the time comes or anywhere along the way and I change my mind, I’d be fine with it. But I graduate spring 2019, and if I don’t find love by then than I think I’ll be done trying. ",1.8421813156440017,3.1224275044776135,3.7963515754560535,89.9435710337203,76.94029850746269,6.754007739082367,23.153676064123825,7.3871296695380915,0.7363543394140408,1214,36,279,15,27,413,154,335,0.042,0.784,0.174,0.9923,2,0,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,1,0,0,15,19,1,0,18,0,28,9,0,1,6,66,57,28,0,11,22,1,2,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,24,13,0,3,11,3,0,5,11,5,0,0,7,2,29,14,38,39,6,41,0,3,0,6,11,10,1,12,26,184,53,6,0.09482722233823747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780579458293308,0.0,0.0,0.106837806843971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845708009466692,0.09668267307690756,0.0,0.1003146275928846,0.1633705109365954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704117176039917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843195260039095,0.0,0.0839887727809124,0.0,0.10575741935131114,0.1878974580527165,0.08577665156587083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939466581382496,0.0,0.09589498570688597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334072655433594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732632767494267,0.08766623902619701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151450277634504,0.21409678322139314,0.0,0.0,0.09410138609025698,0.08428679226190472,0.0,0.0987479596591488,0.05211456145098668,0.2318905278792954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696725958172554,0.20093781453489365,0.09265558185289496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279263523110218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149692471840069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031318381243175,0.07313659978007266,0.0,0.0,0.08898892439222454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212037566652221,0.0,0.0,0.1052944083614466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069034451343898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793413934190847,0.06074874681967703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098192974971463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410403932836629,0.0,0.0,0.10615131178861636,0.0,0.0,0.07572914225263318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621852932413453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152291023784854,0.09316726448321293,0.07528222223303845,0.1658835477772435,0.0,0.0,0.09061147467552284,0.0,0.06438145934530916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27965776311852514,0.15053887049642312,0.0760646778698581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556681872934728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367868140010984,0.0,0.06106562215321557
suicidewatch,throwaway754346774,2018/03/14,"Does the phrase “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” not make sense to anyone else? As with any other problem, why would you only solve it temporarily when you can solve it permanently and never have to worry about it again?

Part of some terrible advice I received today, along with “cheer up”.  If only I thought of that before!",7.079285714285714,8.079985777777777,7.4096428571428605,69.99160714285715,64.23809523809524,10.109523809523813,33.21031746031745,10.125756701596842,3.5820507936507946,276,11,44,6,4,90,51,63,0.181,0.664,0.154,-0.6182,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,13,6,4,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,11,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277561662067813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849758237251516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297000936391928,0.2388107563949845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983278937458769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396368855535776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470252275394806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557798822207491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797602093403834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35452492641183725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523952665151573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460386267832783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549439522298637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503386907395564,0.0,0.0,0.22092588173821487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031206391371046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669687040218595,0.0,0.16556831973534125,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckmordor420,2018/03/14,"Need help, can’t afford help, don’t qualify for Medicaid, it’s financially smart to just die. Pretty much the caption. I really need help but can’t come across anything that’s within my price range or free. I’m so stressed out financially that I’m thinking suicide will be the best decision for me and my future. Of course my depression and other mental illnesses run deeper than this, it’s just what triggered me today. If anybody has any suggestions, it would really be helpful cause I don’t want to die, but I feel like it’s the best choice. I don’t have any friends or family, the only thing keeping me here is my cat. I just really want help because I don’t want him to be upset anymore and I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t get a grip of my self. ",3.1551923076923067,4.500371570512818,4.759487179487183,84.09384615384619,73.6794871794872,8.276923076923078,25.820512820512814,8.841846274778883,1.850651282051282,599,20,124,12,12,202,89,156,0.179,0.5760000000000001,0.245,0.7599,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,0,2,5,0,16,1,0,2,0,27,29,10,3,8,9,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,1,3,0,2,2,8,4,0,0,0,3,18,7,12,24,3,7,0,2,0,0,10,3,0,3,3,78,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892412316475044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799043189073387,0.0,0.0,0.11450114443005352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481903029540036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920396807213338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429360814883858,0.0,0.11985760611443375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984189442115208,0.0,0.288812672506234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116970232165398,0.0,0.0703538439055623,0.09940232088199397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074999510859525,0.0,0.07269540237418431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663162215938293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367486751017455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797723879518272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566312966828236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022134904271355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228460636683152,0.20634249943217686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582296070332843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155636594640655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674117621294885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515435402765844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938548555181006,0.0,0.0,0.15219761336065712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243906303057894,0.08915590105989589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188934915325431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328275744027882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884173714045584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perk0set,2018/03/14,"Is this normal? I don’t really know what the status quo dictates as normal for suicidal thoughts but, i get them a little more than i think is healthy. My grades are good and i have good friends and i’m involved in sports and some after school activities and i feel like from the outside i’m good but the past few days and what seems to happen every other week or so at night i just pondering what would happen if i did it. i feel as if i surround myself with good people and tend not to get in trouble my life should be something i enjoy however despite this i feel like the people who i’m with don’t really care about me and besides my immediate family (which only consists of my father because my mother passed when i was 11), i feel like only maybe one or two of my friends sincerely care about me. i throw little badly tasted “jokes” about who knows if i’d do it in group chats and i understand it’s wrong because people perceive it literally and i don’t know. I’ve told one girl everything about my life and who i really am and i think she hates me now and i’ve tried revealing myself to a few others i felt i could trust but i feel like they don’t really care for me and i can’t do it. I just feel like i’m searching for someone who i’m able to completely trust and be able to go to whenever i need it and someone who truly understands me and it’s been 16 years and the only one i found i don’t think wants me as a friend but only talks to me because she pity’s me. I think a lot about what would be missed if i just did it and the only reason i wouldn’t do it as of right now is because i don’t want to put my dad thru another tragic death in the family and i wouldn’t want to be selfish like that. however i did establish tonight just as a wild thought, in about 15 years if i’m not making money or i don’t have a good life and i wouldn’t hurt anyone, i would go through with it. I wasn’t like this as a kid but i think it’s getting worse but i don’t know. if anyone actually reads this can you just tell me if any of this is normal or no. I don’t know if this is healthy or detrimental but, i just need something. ",1.9195654478007433,3.2198967864923773,3.773162574339047,90.10625861155278,76.77777777777777,7.053665430136019,22.427191897780133,7.730073105063049,0.7964604722369429,1671,46,381,24,37,565,180,459,0.093,0.7,0.207,0.9954,2,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,0,16,32,1,0,14,0,41,4,0,2,0,97,90,48,2,24,28,3,7,7,3,7,3,0,0,2,30,23,1,0,27,4,1,5,17,9,0,4,11,8,64,23,42,67,5,26,0,4,0,0,24,10,0,16,18,253,94,3,0.13970550602040088,0.0,0.06816621055719385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750226739990302,0.07324670210492877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768533812427443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583241310120749,0.1703263595408212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136586114075364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323928252695397,0.0,0.0,0.05577173930840111,0.0,0.0,0.045049246917504976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885395713562736,0.0,0.06277915027405283,0.0,0.13170191760440395,0.0,0.21191790457407733,0.24951410353863604,0.0670695972642727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658993820535435,0.16190419109530518,0.0,0.10948554114531164,0.0,0.07939785858604348,0.2929458754176851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354111758932156,0.0,0.0,0.06896513193744931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477881682642079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194623123547816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801719572730318,0.2388856870535899,0.14002161898576418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059386312651186,0.0,0.0,0.04662725504982534,0.0,0.07017647924688895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358986251208817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555207674481169,0.2053226004186801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420020997295066,0.26563083174930435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668235675199065,0.14528131096628594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022131023509295,0.0,0.0,0.06987165615720843,0.0,0.17899784904120272,0.07182026405407133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059653869401753074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069471530682266,0.0,0.06359132285455912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183720218895829,0.10755212392798792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640757423257162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614499689434272,0.06105438501563405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379411799195625,0.0,0.11091056652374358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674729897521295,0.0,0.04742543403879408,0.0,0.0682359896889743,0.1454383587465311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360289064352176,0.0,0.056031665011674066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118592300503793,0.14886417469515906,0.0763730197477779,0.0,0.08996576545220097
suicidewatch,Suicidal_Ramen,2018/03/14,"I can't make them suffer. I'm a 15 year old girl, a freshman in high school.  I have two friends who I've known since kindergarten, and they mean so much to me.  One of my friends is depressed and has a lot of problems within her family, and the other is going through a lot, even though she won't tell me anything about it.  Then there's my family, who has already gone through so much pain.  I can't stand the idea of hurting them, or putting them through more pain then they've already had to go through, but I'm suffering.

Every day is a living hell, and it's not getting any better.  So far, it's just gotten worse.  Suicide is on my mind the majority of the day, but I just can't do it.  I can't make them suffer like I've been suffering for so long.

It hurts, and I don't know how much longer I can bear the torture that is life.  I don't know what to do anymore.  It hurts so, so much.",2.8584817813765184,3.3732133421052635,3.8973684210526365,93.15196356275308,73.47368421052632,6.898785425101216,26.19433198380567,6.67199483983844,0.7571659919028342,685,22,164,5,13,222,102,190,0.254,0.684,0.062,-0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,5,1,13,17,2,0,10,0,20,3,0,3,0,23,32,18,1,1,6,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,8,13,0,2,4,0,20,4,16,27,8,17,1,8,0,0,13,5,1,3,8,109,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724300671916651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394092119117902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241564766448294,0.0,0.0,0.10157756274600616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916938210200844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592124120471761,0.0,0.10631550986463034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152851624873986,0.0,0.10400041194077424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23272952832523106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073316831861867,0.0,0.06449037546974691,0.0,0.1403033950824221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041723487839765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396423357046469,0.13934456525301514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567473176334308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718671368453626,0.060304744318394325,0.0,0.10899652004535948,0.10923724688623546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098822672240736,0.0,0.0,0.16478938609597332,0.0,0.0,0.134458324307449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463548176985675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629595519903054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952563938810702,0.0,0.08364363580113225,0.0,0.2626898659198099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811187482670855,0.0,0.1240875813097988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492413206816635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210778824357927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350192847232078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078887725048616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127554435791033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057933539601925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257921417220481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948893432971914
suicidewatch,littlemadworld,2018/03/14,"feeling pretty low I have BPD and for awhile I wasn't feeling anything. I'm now feeling things and I've been ping-ponging between despair and anger (at a really stupid thing). I feel like I'm replaceable to all my friends. I feel like I don't see them much anymore though I'm usually always reaching out to hang out. The exception being when I pay for things. 

I want to die. I just want it all to end. I hate my head and don't know how to fight back. I don't want to kill myself necessarily but if i were to die that would be fantastic. 

I hate that my friend's having their own lives makes me feel so fucking alone. I don't have anyone I can reach out to. The suicide hotline is useless it feels like they want me off the phone as soon as possible. If i had made attempt I wouldn't call them as they just call the cops. 

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm at my end. I've been crying for the past hour. ",0.4836734693877531,2.419547571428573,2.259551020408164,96.31759183673469,83.48979591836735,5.348571428571429,20.51428571428571,6.508806274219699,0.041417142857143034,708,21,168,7,20,233,105,196,0.21,0.632,0.157,-0.9635,0,1,0,0,1,3,19.0,0,0,5,1,9,16,7,0,6,0,20,2,1,3,2,34,44,14,4,8,6,0,8,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,10,0,1,1,7,10,0,0,6,9,30,6,23,34,4,17,0,3,1,1,11,7,1,2,13,107,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637712944801006,0.0,0.0,0.09349738592129417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114367263543888,0.0785688126710546,0.0,0.0924675176697743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640240020708913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152085040596082,0.0,0.22947618553629465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342860634137832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23323601725691895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199045576508462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545243865888641,0.3210967334282759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362714889915346,0.1038804146645638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187602094941372,0.11531977629455648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106577246548105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431616102366802,0.0,0.12350666148624526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958510758032915,0.0,0.09922110130206348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063232810702912,0.0750050752286818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260182632802078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726591516623264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667560891157126,0.0,0.11431646237749545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198443870843911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954103179015208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290999860984934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239526269376025,0.0,0.110398873901584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375510524800006,0.0,0.26510515080484337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982147358474237,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ValidMexican,2018/03/14,"Telling my parents about my suicidal thoughts soon, any recomendations from people who have gone through this themselves? To be clear I've never had a plan or anything. I have a much younger brother and it would ruin him if I killed myself. For that reason I don't think i could ever go through with it. I still struggle with the thoughts fairly often.",5.365909090909092,7.169823772727277,4.576181818181818,85.76427272727273,68.84848484848484,6.492121212121212,32.89696969696969,6.742157984588678,1.9462824242424244,283,13,51,2,5,84,54,66,0.217,0.746,0.037000000000000005,-0.926,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,3,0,7,0,0,1,3,15,12,3,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,9,0,8,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456523575738245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112427518877436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049545706736136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322004224987344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458888876400486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28400122140775946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188704504502864,0.0,0.19798335629844904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28503567884678555,0.0,0.0,0.177963900027946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639310082024004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050014602519728,0.0,0.0,0.2683592414107407,0.0,0.28078883261024706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436767122189868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448340303208794,0.0,0.40758326397787226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235276737928,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theivoryserf,2018/03/14,"A positive post I’ve been struggling with anxiety, dissociation, depression and mood swings for the best of a decade.

On Thursday I tried an antidepressant which made me feel atrocious and kept me up for the best part of three days. I felt incredibly low and so went to the emergency department for the first time ever - had to tell my parents about my suicidal thoughts for the first time similarly.

After a long wait (fund the bloody NHS!) with some really kind staff, I was prescribed a sleeping pill and sent home. I duly took the Zopiclone pill.

Although I felt reasonably OK the morning after, my mood sunk progressively lower throughout the day and I felt borderline delusional and very dissociated. After a sleepless night in which I had very scary images of hurting myself or others, I took myself back to the hospital.

I felt like I was tripping hard. Thankfully the doctor was pretty wonderful, encouraging me to question my feelings of doom and raise me a little out of the depths. He got me a bed at a voluntary facility, where I had an immense feeling of calm and began writing a journal, meditating and trying to resolve not to use passive suicidal ideation when I’m feeling OK, because it comes back to bite me when I’m so low. 

Although I’ve had two very low spells today I’m sure this is a positive step - I realised that I had to change or die, and it seemed that deep down I wanted to live.

The moral: if you’re feeling in the absolute dumps, don’t be afraid of being responsible and checking in somewhere. You might have to put your foot down a little (politely) when describing how bad you feel, but there is always hope. None of us have been entirely miserable forever and the pathways and chemicals in our brain all exist to make us at least calm and positive if not always joyful.  Suicidal thoughts are a sign that we need to change our habits. Take care of yourself everyone.",7.635991501416433,7.791231033994336,7.67310339943343,71.48682223796035,63.02266288951842,11.139320113314447,36.91345609065157,10.793553405168565,4.10236895184136,1517,68,264,36,20,490,203,353,0.12,0.726,0.153,0.9269,2,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,5,3,0,6,12,28,1,3,29,2,19,6,3,5,3,59,54,27,4,5,7,1,11,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,9,19,0,2,17,0,2,9,4,11,0,4,24,11,34,15,42,27,7,49,2,7,0,0,15,19,0,10,21,178,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217261431919987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995217904745919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062509869564213,0.07634948572273179,0.0557416361388844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919235525823659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207849123225908,0.0,0.0,0.09323027946369322,0.0,0.19346508463499928,0.0787683972009616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794386901832395,0.0,0.07875807174113279,0.0,0.09490140860531802,0.0,0.0,0.09359382426177933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271369566483404,0.0,0.08737587447438995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774121576937002,0.0,0.3511911224325183,0.0,0.0,0.15555947883709878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313378825281519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819132504898283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172286299761022,0.09082162894258868,0.0,0.0,0.09788957175323508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522181775185994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044673494821274966,0.18329597739594455,0.0807441525342497,0.0809224819410114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652376472365313,0.061037633685100075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700453991015072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780240521070953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581126303428772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153450256483014,0.09902178320634357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757528191277984,0.09302845618780033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192354571242184,0.1024349414616568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058579499954065486,0.09401666394076068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324452867319394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150712175240018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559407508405683,0.0,0.3000651135344242,0.0,0.08618213959880447,0.0,0.0687523152561503,0.0,0.07992353792800191,0.0841866647376228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518801340651818,0.10664006297108466,0.0,0.08667545579678311,0.0,0.20318881796684288,0.12416498750027245,0.0,0.08932465225167657,0.0,0.2199847306452357,0.07897573739677274,0.0,0.22634541259034816,0.05393432055605588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847668010651303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916395508558454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jump4Joy1990,2018/03/14,"Having a rough day I deal with guilt, shame and rumination on two unhealthy relationships I've been in. I'm extra touchy these days. I feel like a failure. I usually imagine my suicide being overdosing on my meds. I feel guilty because I have a younger brother and I don't want to ruin his life. I'm afraid of death. The consequences I believe are utter Oblivion or hellfire. Most days I'm miserable. Always reliving past offenses. I'm not truly present or alive. I lack motivation.",2.340347985347986,5.238483098901104,3.9653021978021994,80.1401144688645,86.14285714285714,6.9893772893772885,29.56135531135531,8.07648339933343,2.785570695970696,386,20,66,9,12,128,68,91,0.338,0.56,0.102,-0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,4,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,13,13,4,2,2,3,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,3,11,1,6,11,3,9,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,3,7,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534588440712065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043857427893229,0.0,0.0,0.27804353277483185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774700402365935,0.25442573136517466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24956503122788698,0.1763041074794632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743123883193932,0.12056726954022227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741238293969484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355853481838643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26495601696793697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699440430159584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410742537090621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718001288125759,0.0,0.14556089220165372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CODENAME_Flintlock,2018/03/14,"How do you change your life? ""How do you change your life"" is a question I have repeatedly asked myself over the years - even more so this past year. I still have no answer to that question. 

It's 3am in the morning as I type this. I'm a 30 year old male living with my mother. I live in a small bedroom with a mattress on the floor. 

It wasn't always like this. I was in the army. I had a wife. I was happy. Now? I feel like my life ended somewhere around 5 - 6 years ago, I just never caught up.

You see folks, life has a way of throwing unforeseen events at you which can ruin your life for 1 year. 2 years. 5 years. A decade. Even a goddamn lifetime. Your happiness. Your plans. Your future. Your marriage. 'Poof' gone, just like that. Blink of an eye. My my, doesn't time go by so fast.

I'm going through a divorce now. Unforeseen events that were out of my control ruined my marriage, my mental health. Ruined everything. I did have a chance to steer the ship right - if I knew how to at the time. What I would give for a time machine. 

February last year I had a noose around my neck tied from the stairs. I was close to ending it. I just stood there for 20 minutes with a noose around my neck thinking. Pondering. I thought I could change. A year and one month on is proof that I can't change enough. Some people seem to able to pick themselves up and jump back on the wagon, others...not so much.

I don't give myself much time left before I finally stop fighting and finally end it. For now I will do my best to try and change whilst asking myself as always ""How do you change your life?""

Thank you for reading.",0.3055385869968106,2.637424139817629,1.5273541404107045,98.40452961672472,88.75683890577507,4.303981021573134,17.14293127733709,5.805643229342017,-0.5844161761435243,1238,30,278,9,41,390,171,329,0.087,0.861,0.052000000000000005,-0.8347,0,0,0,0,3,0,55.0,0,14,0,3,21,11,1,0,23,0,25,10,3,6,2,37,43,14,0,3,4,2,1,3,0,2,7,0,2,1,13,12,0,2,9,1,0,6,6,4,0,1,13,3,48,7,38,27,6,64,0,3,2,0,27,21,0,5,39,179,61,2,0.07643549890219123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775545792269118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720091641355022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413139786931064,0.14291374687929642,0.0,0.0,0.05877418057400985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504097982525787,0.0,0.0802143404023155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851517371182866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572891146120047,0.06102752626024746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309749430791368,0.07897830286274307,0.0,0.10096985228907683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869529782386873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03864808487472017,0.05460553568826023,0.0,0.16746270581936115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664779085021684,0.0868801109657574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273401978741864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124736104796174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230513331542649,0.0,0.0,0.08304739320448215,0.0,0.32393192004522936,0.112027571572289,0.0,0.13498789178778234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702900507220327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101008598653303,0.0,0.1123777729486678,0.0,0.05895176885240869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020619826297612,0.0,0.051794672222384534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296633255911925,0.05299075081192989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125050371231118,0.0,0.07645618343372522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527549842600071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090919648764296,0.06958400748398211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104148815904895,0.06390349963731101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037153795599088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048976781366349566,0.0,0.06068124820026102,0.17828061635146908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051894686396666966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067094124893841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429758537851688,0.0,0.0,0.4429975973106669
suicidewatch,lyntte,2018/03/14,"I think I might kill myself tomorrow I'm sick and tired of being controlled all the time by my dad and his girlfriend. 

They track my phone, go through my stuff and won't let me go out after school with friends.

They pick on me, put me down and make every little thing an inconvenience for me.

They've taught me that the reason I have no friends is that I'm annoying and clingy.

There is no emotional support. If I try to tell them about my suicidal feelings they will tell me that Im going to hell. My dad even threatened to kill my dog if I ever killed myself. I'm really scared that he's actually going to hurt my dog. 
I'm not sure what to do. I'm planning on deleting this account and overdosing on Tylenol and whiskey tonight or tomorrow. I want to give mikey (my dog) away so that he can be safe.

This is just a vent, I don't want any help ",3.0820148601398607,4.1634378920454544,4.037727272727274,90.22755244755248,73.48863636363636,7.460839160839161,26.038461538461537,7.882392219407189,1.2310171328671324,663,22,149,9,13,214,108,176,0.257,0.664,0.079,-0.9901,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,4,2,6,12,5,1,4,0,13,4,0,4,3,27,30,11,4,4,5,2,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,10,9,1,2,3,1,1,5,5,7,0,0,1,1,28,5,19,23,1,18,1,1,0,0,17,7,1,4,6,93,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.13866736605985108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663166322981304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335059564851852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937523802875506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984137304854532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385453499886606,0.12853597642948272,0.11972388007910975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184913025580368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956946655068185,0.0,0.0,0.13631356198732442,0.3230307752455006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524544242575587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211908483150266,0.0,0.1534904631655968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716318847483282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530505871352234,0.0,0.0,0.14241974827030238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948516661188792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074375718826696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284796018405593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103175918843467,0.14610063790688516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226510874197015,0.1438109862029521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266846667037582,0.155432390611819,0.16125137757474012,0.13392589189826218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484002172724133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440374415538384,0.09105080252508496,0.0,0.0,0.08285861555523202,0.16332100187494952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647536468067244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762642510436726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ignore_The_Scars,2018/03/14,"What's the point in anything? I figured it wouldn't matter much if I killed myself. Everyone dies, in the end. And after we die, what was the point in living? Yeah, we might be remembered for a few years after, but after that, what's the point? In the end we all die, and are all forgotten, and out entire existence would have been pointless. It might hurt my family and friends if I was to die, but in 50 years, it wouldn't matter. Nothing I did will matter.

What's the point in living except to just be alive?",2.4005717367853308,4.219928776699032,3.537411003236248,90.08490830636462,76.76699029126212,6.519525350593313,20.182308522114347,7.3871296695380915,0.4760839266450914,396,9,83,5,9,128,56,103,0.231,0.691,0.078,-0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,7,1,14,0,0,0,2,26,14,8,5,5,6,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,9,1,14,2,4,18,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,4,7,65,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341762434324693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721592977770019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441427756744155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169698879242175,0.0,0.0,0.12992844828918645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064826830323261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475437231573501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248212568147973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340269703334305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29241952386080183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131669092702324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224609665284245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211539057980891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612802175696525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790640144455838,0.0,0.0,0.17750861212916003
suicidewatch,FriendsInTheDark,2018/03/14,Safely Home I am home in heaven dear ones. oh so happy and so bright there is perfect joy an beauty in this ever lasting light. All the pain and grief is over every restless tossing passed I am now at peace forever safely home in heaven at last. Did you wonder i so calmly trod the valley of the shade? Oh! But Jesus love illuminated every dark an fearful glade. And he came himself to meet me in that way so hard to tread and with Jesus arm to lean on could i have one doubt or dread. Then you must not grieve so sorely for i love you dearly still try to look beyond earths shadows pray to trust our fathers will. There is work still waiting for you so you must not idly stand do it now wail life remaineth you shall rest in Jesus land. When that work is all completed he will gently call you home Oh the rapture of that meeting Oh the joy to see you come!,1.64781609195402,3.914417459770117,2.624827586206898,93.46126436781609,81.29885057471266,4.55632183908046,18.287356321839077,5.46131890053228,-0.4380436781609194,674,15,140,3,18,213,110,174,0.084,0.614,0.302,0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,8,0,3,15,22,0,4,7,0,15,6,1,0,6,23,23,14,2,3,4,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,4,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,7,0,2,2,5,16,15,21,15,3,25,6,2,3,2,18,11,0,3,9,92,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146252599463442,0.16965113763587744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777401444127034,0.15552222172715024,0.0,0.0,0.11843022634250698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341738732782076,0.24995051440594476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691360310787476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579010978985391,0.1328754325712107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951523117247451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24181910993343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477056546287478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456067414818145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677490208313509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102583638978672,0.0,0.15783463231202546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820059518077765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369146417022185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070700604382922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177382362490599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608586321343134,0.2159734558160448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossedcookies,2018/03/14,"First time in 13 years I cut myself tonight.   

I haven’t hurt myself on purpose in 13 years.   

I always knew it would get to be too much again and I would turn back to this.   

Right now, all I feel is relief because until I grabbed the knife, I was making deals: if things weren’t better by January, I could kill myself; if the dog died, I couldend it; if I got into a car accident, I could let myself go.   

But then I grabbed a knife, and made a slice on my hip and it all felt better.   

I know the slippery slope I’m on. I know this can’t lead anywhere good. 

I can’t talk to my husband or family. I can’t tell my friends. I can’t tell my therapist. They all think I’m too “strong” and to tell them about this moment of weakness would be too much. I would have to comfort them and tell them it’s okay and tell them not to worry, and I just can’t do it because it’s not okay and I am worried that I can’t fake it anymore. 

But at least for tonight, it’s just a cut and not something worse. ",1.0654724818276191,2.3724525981308453,2.611152647975078,97.51731048805814,79.09345794392524,5.503219106957425,21.234683281412245,5.82211442006289,-0.15549553478712366,752,20,186,4,18,246,107,214,0.127,0.7340000000000001,0.139,0.0926,1,0,1,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,5,5,9,15,3,0,7,2,22,2,1,3,3,39,36,17,2,9,11,1,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,13,10,0,0,6,0,0,3,11,6,0,1,6,4,34,9,18,21,6,23,0,1,0,0,14,8,0,4,12,128,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343701205520674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328346823530252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558776455357576,0.0,0.1515581056439078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988659632024185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985050154499741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281595563424975,0.0,0.0,0.12901556814123602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171896892272254,0.0,0.06285556006688063,0.0,0.1193584027167188,0.0,0.0,0.10573918151936806,0.0,0.0,0.09604265037372887,0.0,0.0649475561939458,0.0,0.07064901211958123,0.10426647303257802,0.09942315272682972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307788472739487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375321044514202,0.0,0.13663654771915426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711679060654565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176264170110032,0.0829787998261445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276630991300585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616122443093673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957009602298112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099916764423657,0.5432680507684778,0.0,0.0,0.1443350732709808,0.08258694559239776,0.07965370167846783,0.0,0.0,0.07248695521501827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521506559768093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25248844586603314,0.12668389870178526,0.3532289012828512,0.0,0.0,0.16010488360695416
suicidewatch,pinkcupcakeunicorn,2018/03/14,"i just cant do this anymore... the only thing that will keep me alive if i can change myself (or atleast my stupid ass mind) but i know its impossible so... 
nobody understands me or my problems and no no one wants to listen either :'( ",2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,76.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,22.369565217391305,7.1686216300943375,0.6686695652173915,178,5,37,2,4,58,40,46,0.321,0.6459999999999999,0.032,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,13,9,6,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,1,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497472921785065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730710760861609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134634005383071,0.0,0.0,0.19381456111448525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560894631529876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389738214643195,0.26821637884000965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374512097341401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342938676506474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671349977573808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800998842541135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piscesdreamer9,2018/03/14,"Response: 4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself 1 There are people who love you dearly, and it would crush them for hundreds of years.


I have nobody, my dad offered me a suitcase today because I turned 18 a few days ago and he no longer needs to keep me. He says I have a few hours to pack up my things and go. I have no money and no place to go. My friends and family abandoned me.

2 There are beautiful moments ahead of you just waiting for you to witness them


I won't be aware of what I missed.

3 The best part of your life is still ahead of you


Considering how my health is getting progressively worse, I highly doubt that. 

4 You won’t always feel this way. I promise.


That's not something you can predict or promise. Either way, once I'm dead I will not feel any way at all or be aware of how I could've felt. 


I just need some place to die now.


terrible article : https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2016/08/4-reasons-not-to-kill-yourself-read-this-first/",2.982833333333332,5.7704238388888935,3.128888888888892,88.66000000000004,80.05555555555556,5.155555555555557,21.777777777777786,6.508806274219699,0.33274444444444473,761,23,149,7,20,232,115,180,0.158,0.706,0.13699999999999998,-0.2628,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,7,2,4,8,11,1,1,4,0,14,3,0,3,1,28,28,9,3,3,8,1,3,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,3,4,0,1,2,8,5,0,0,1,4,27,6,18,21,7,20,0,2,0,1,17,5,0,4,10,98,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228537327225962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417317530005735,0.0,0.0,0.10148303803723548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097058609069834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566100250405766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914979750311468,0.0,0.0,0.09624244670239264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548795004895134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068287100177315,0.0,0.15091260514374402,0.0,0.14328634953383607,0.0,0.0,0.12693686391367634,0.0,0.0,0.11529645553541333,0.0,0.07796768410399188,0.0,0.1696242378312018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862688871321515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576720510099229,0.0,0.0,0.14696369215535252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326444683805842,0.33020671761703985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540714178055917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134687919625559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130762451999714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892746118636428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160396927680554,0.0,0.10345884252057924,0.0,0.3118318488248325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492726206063397,0.0,0.0,0.15343559345250318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186754640044667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148862662879093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191770566354587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914326669710577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145471069176954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232181991788713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35536080882455234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520803979990801,0.1060102989455849,0.0,0.0,0.09610066736996807
suicidewatch,colormeyourcolor,2018/03/14,"I don't even know what help would look like I feel totally absurd posting this, but I just want to talk to someone I haven't talked to a million times before. I can be fine one minute, and then dead set on ending everything the next. It happens so fast, like as soon as I sit down to do schoolwork. I have one semester left of my program, I'm so close, but I can't get anything done. I want so badly to finish school and start my career, but every assignment sends me into a tailspin, sometimes ending up with me in the hospital. I don't want to die, but if things go on like this, I'm going to. But if I can't finish grad school, I don't want to live anyway. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like I've tried everything.",4.385897435897434,3.900925794871797,5.541794871794873,86.20320512820514,69.8974358974359,8.471794871794872,27.58974358974359,7.793537801064563,1.4145435897435892,568,16,128,6,9,190,88,156,0.07400000000000001,0.76,0.166,0.7982,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,1,24,30,15,2,7,9,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,1,3,18,5,19,27,1,24,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,2,14,83,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481362916445757,0.0,0.0,0.12291993504563475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471887986786452,0.0,0.0,0.12710405979416184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502393064075104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285880298383167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26459744948402264,0.0,0.0,0.09865840103607043,0.0,0.12585184695211504,0.0,0.2684907658415077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105333603657156,0.10671095810456373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804039149503585,0.0,0.16978241792763865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320886358356064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012050089866953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164181230232754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229246330499789,0.0,0.0,0.29190128426672035,0.0,0.13189768293296242,0.0,0.12543435596767366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885817862858856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243585299176034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305651126373506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023436629966801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656190260860187,0.0,0.1477321341535146,0.0,0.10572584582821176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401181466860588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923572100486114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709966463357824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141337569763594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524124875242159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061091569833566,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,linux-boi,2018/03/14,"I just can't with my life anymore Guys, I really wish I could just disappear. Like not know anything. I want suicide, but I am scared. Like,  I don't know. I am also scared of never existing again. What do you guys think after suicide? Do you guys think a non-painful suicide can be peaceful?",0.5477586206896561,3.0293354137931066,2.089224137931037,92.99693965517244,91.41379310344827,4.968965517241379,22.767241379310345,6.6274283507984215,0.7571999999999997,226,9,46,3,8,73,38,58,0.354,0.4920000000000001,0.154,-0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,9,1,0,0,1,13,15,2,3,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,3,13,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585301639952074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847536368929075,0.0,0.0,0.13979680827412969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563539844714606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046238806609976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672326792670355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999130484638235,0.1659896251021331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310219690597055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807643530164952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088295114916224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34015913621184146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.557463613503639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770455603771496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019965625091973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953536762385729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thecowgoesfuckyou,2018/03/14,"My parents don't know I already want to die but they've told me they hope I die My dad once told me to go to hell several months ago (I nearly attempted/did a very weak attempt) and my mom just told me about 30 minutes that she hopes I die. Those were her exact words. I'll be fine I think. I won't attempt, I promise but this whole spring break so far I've just been at a nonstop low and done nothing. They say they try to talk to me (they scream btw) but all I do is ""talk back"" (but then when I shut up they want me to answer them and when I do they call it talking back agan, idk what they want me to say) and they expect me to do and remember things but I either am just too done with the world or I don't know that I'm supposed/expected to do them. And I feel so guilty for not doing said things. Idk I can never be satisfied and neither can they. ",-0.6320320855614979,1.3764256631016067,1.2918449197860973,100.94012032085564,89.16042780748663,4.46951871657754,17.05614973262032,5.852544927426893,-0.6944951871657752,657,16,164,5,22,215,105,187,0.234,0.7170000000000001,0.048,-0.9888,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,11,2,11,8,1,0,3,0,18,1,0,0,3,35,33,18,3,6,11,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,8,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,8,5,37,4,15,22,4,18,1,1,0,0,26,7,1,3,9,111,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157586659058199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410745774969266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008287137758866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334527476376046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065901749226612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672743800985229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602937803205694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421635132789471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940733329613164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353585033278607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294346139361498,0.10423435066528007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007177624410637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253030144572899,0.0,0.0,0.13907229822656758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500287461559094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793110921645186,0.0,0.12421939618012415,0.2076981460472929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475276304423972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148858336247282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351415356830752,0.0836757221506571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743482062980876,0.0,0.08866089683481053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077490398258014,0.2310731226384851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579719503996594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatProudGeekyBoy,2018/03/14,"I'm a fuck up. I just need to disappear and save everyone the trouble of dealing with me. I'm named after my dad, but I think my little brother should've had that honor. I've failed my family. I left college on a whim, I've turned down offers for a better life to be an actor, and that's never gonna happen. My mother won't say it but she's worried, my father is just plain disappointed. Everything is fucked. I've never wanted to be alive in the first place. I want to die but I can't bring myself to do so. I want to get murdered, but that's not gonna happen because I live in too good an area(suicide by cop is NEVER gonna be an option). I can't get into a car accident because I don't want to ruin my mom's car. And I can't let anyone find my body, at least not my family. I just don't know. I've been alive too long. I know my family will be torn apart, but honestly I think it hurts me more to be alive than for them to see me dead. It's not like I'm close to anyone anyway. ",0.6783633741888977,2.0372254063926967,3.3993270848353774,91.22072098053354,80.32420091324201,6.437010334054314,18.37563085796684,7.273561745256523,0.1364465753424664,760,15,180,10,19,269,114,219,0.22,0.629,0.15,-0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,4,7,14,3,0,9,0,19,4,1,0,3,33,43,9,3,5,11,5,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,1,0,4,12,8,0,1,2,2,28,6,24,30,2,22,0,4,1,2,11,12,2,1,7,110,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879575951507373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386355181237375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188699163132382,0.0,0.14929317343206067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856520581170145,0.0,0.0,0.1394907197137039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842932254815778,0.12079415742110745,0.0,0.38011398923816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284333833600294,0.1143244551380644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485097109123809,0.14044167673194313,0.0,0.0,0.1127321731389964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377070275867031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388286767283925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773046892818242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603095416916956,0.13743777487374298,0.0949339197470498,0.06566328188722867,0.1347086844301821,0.11868169414130725,0.11894381140237725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574130032238862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965928261924732,0.3109832611222629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140424164866079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688390544920222,0.0,0.0,0.10710303764583284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470167804075692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224203768690535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619357251295748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171011812025838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649436087702102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,erax1983,2018/03/14,Think I’m going to kill myself soon You’re welcome,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727258,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,105.36363636363636,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.1544909090909092,42,1,8,0,2,14,11,11,0.32,0.476,0.204,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061960430000927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7907399542839277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579684479853595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,henrygeller,2018/03/14,"I am about to ge it done It all started when my family was about to do that abortion. I wish they did it anyway.  At least life wouldn't have the chance to screw me over and cut me apart.. Soon, it will be off the table with no more suffering! 
wish me luck! ",0.8547272727272741,2.463094109090914,2.2163636363636385,98.76454545454548,80.63636363636364,5.854545454545455,16.454545454545453,6.742157984588678,-0.5379818181818186,196,3,49,2,5,63,44,55,0.179,0.6890000000000001,0.132,-0.254,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,1,7,12,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,9,6,3,7,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,3,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568165923920814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328700689151558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462801611741993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467946582061311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8019203546724096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreekSymmetrics,2018/03/14,"Klinefelter 18 years old Male My Name is John, im from Germany and i have klinefelter and social anxiety which means that i have an eunuchoid skinnyfat Body with narrow Frame plus an extrem small thin penis with which i NEVER want to have sex, i not even want to come into the SLIGHTEST contact with females because i get Panic attacks near them. 

My masculinity was robbed by the feministic household where ive grown up. i HATE feminism and i do loathe western women in General because of their feministic behaviour.

My only Problem is that i have relatively strong sexual urges but through my klinefelters and social anxiety my chances at women are None existent (actually i dont even want to be attracted to western women cuz their behaviour is disgusting) so my sexual urges are making me crazy and extremly depressive, so much that im really considering to castrate myself that i can live a peacefully life in Isolation. 

I just cant live this pathetic live anymore and i do think that governments should give like me the choice to voluntary castrate themselves.

The Situation in Germany has gotten now surreal, white guys are getting feminised, they are getting subordinated to sexism while our Immigrants can behave so sexistic they want and even get the most female Attention and care.

The teenage Scene in Germany has become totally islamized, german Girls are identifying themselves with their thuggish behaviour, they even speak now the in same broken slang like them. I dont even have to mention german Boys anymore because they gotten already evict. You only sees muslim Boys and german in teenage centres, while we german Boys are getting feminised.

It is an unbelieveable sick and surreal Situation at this time in Germany, leftism has gone crazy!

As a Young guy i dont want to live in such a world anymore. I just want to kill my urges and Needs for socialization and live in Isolation till i die, otherwise i just gonna kill myself.",8.397864024222404,9.355585612716766,8.296985962014865,64.92322736030829,61.3699421965318,11.908395265620694,39.308560418386996,11.58411153163022,5.145512689237544,1586,79,240,46,21,512,184,346,0.188,0.7509999999999999,0.061,-0.9925,1,2,0,0,0,2,24.0,2,1,9,1,15,13,5,1,13,0,30,4,1,2,2,45,54,22,3,9,5,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,10,10,20,0,0,3,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,4,4,41,5,36,47,5,32,1,1,2,1,30,19,0,1,12,167,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.08603968653904512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729607452424144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489724238108367,0.0,0.26231822575701114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030433771031774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124000217013354,0.0973751234815032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793526928117376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989360858607018,0.0,0.0,0.07594931075684293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593935484070001,0.0,0.09150492874748296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30999829230748743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29117214096663824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303218746184261,0.08457920906457497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460125016489594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704808856938606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904741066733865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509064835557946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227598208685444,0.08614930000718117,0.0,0.3892717733595569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885312350313275,0.0,0.0,0.09604128705087683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481395387772837,0.06537578681805016,0.06800094230655096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251795436983873,0.0,0.0,0.13411215505159998,0.0,0.10344667646513142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436529707458737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056482965301945624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025883763834431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982100587372828,0.0,0.2696298874578597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056494781223475,0.0,0.0,0.051411730906854934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120242090431462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677758962600664
suicidewatch,BillyDeLions,2018/03/14,"Complete shitstorm I discovered recently that my long-term girlfriend was a career sugar baby who sleeps with older men in exchange for gifts and money. She took a break from it so that she could take a shot at an actual relationship with me. When she got bored of me a few months ago, instead of mentioning anything to me, she just started sleeping with older men for money again. During this time, she became cold and distant, until I let her know how her behavior was affecting me. This gave her an excuse to dump me gracefully, and on good terms. ""It just doesn't seem to be working out, etc."" About a week later, I found out about the sugaring by accident.

I'm completely devastated. I haven't been able to eat or sleep well in weeks. I've been depressed and suicidal over other women and other circumstances before, but it has never manifested itself in such a devastating and physical way. I just feel ill constantly. Some days I was only able to eat 200 calories. 

All of my ambitions and responsibilities are being devoured by anger, and resentment, and nausea. Even though I know the pain will subside with time, I don't think I'll ever be able to overcome the feeling of mistrust. I had no inkling. I feel like such a giant idiot. I guess this is what showing some vulnerability gets you. At least I now have a pretty good dollar estimate of how much I'm worth as a partner and as a friend. I know the upper bound is somewhere south of $600/week. Could be worse.",5.155747330960857,6.512507448398581,6.014766903914595,76.96428558718863,68.8220640569395,8.894021352313167,29.352491103202855,9.255337874911486,2.5872916725978645,1167,43,211,23,20,384,177,281,0.166,0.745,0.08900000000000001,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,1,18,13,4,0,16,0,22,9,3,3,3,42,40,20,1,2,5,0,3,1,3,1,2,0,0,4,13,16,4,1,9,1,5,1,5,7,1,0,10,6,29,6,35,22,8,35,0,1,0,0,20,12,0,5,21,152,42,2,0.34885315410593953,0.0,0.11347678524497633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307909084001754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569214053802856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894944663175577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438439299140479,0.12566210907834535,0.0,0.18568723807605975,0.0,0.0,0.07499380816565179,0.0,0.10015557015063717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23797591195718285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296878273315988,0.07680473939150609,0.10518588336960452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639063658042894,0.08307358766581309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749982577310495,0.08984102716486145,0.0,0.06075379154579974,0.0,0.0,0.19506764962551387,0.09300324522687868,0.0,0.12810035976668274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917205701984756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890866186588013,0.0,0.05681067661423647,0.0,0.0,0.10290802120506642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281708645137783,0.0,0.08548240260874394,0.0,0.08968568618709133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843951454091545,0.12373478398162632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830302423283652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481680124050647,0.12484591095380188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586093649662638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34910509168175297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230668600450475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719624314460426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743138552565384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451033835936778,0.11424881756162596,0.0,0.1356127197079497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291962300612978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230113198385262,0.2798289577259114,0.0,0.1045536270402664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465641700337889,0.0,0.11850372246423208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SqueakyV,2018/03/15,"My Girlfriend Tried to Kill Herself, what do I need to do? I apologize if this is not the right place to post this, and if there is a better place please let me know. 
   A little background: She was sexually assaulted a few years ago, and she sort of buried it. Last year she had a mental breakdown and was forced to leave her school. Since then her anxiety and depression have worsened. She has seen a few therapists but none of the treatments and medication they offered ever seemed to help. She still talks with the most recent one, but she buries her emotions and dissociates which makes it hard for the sessions to be effective. She has gotten discouraged about finding a solution. She has trouble sleeping and eating. She doesn't like to sleep because it makes her feel out of control and she dreams of the past event. She loses weight and refrains from eating in order to ""control"" the situation. Usually she'll go for days sleeping and eating very little followed by times when she feels better. She has never gotten to the point where she has actively tried to take her life. 
  Since we started dating we've been taking it slow, but I think part of her is frustrated that we cannot ""do"" things because when we do it brings back bad memories. Sometimes she pushes herself to do things because she feels she has to face them to rewrite the memories. She hasn't really been intimate since the assault and now that we are dating she is forced to confront these buried emotions. She says dating me helps, but I really think she is trying to make me feel better. I can't tell if dating me is just adding unnecessary stress to her life. 
  Last night she took a bunch of sleeping pills, threw them up and flushed all of them including the extras down the toilet. She passed out and hit her head, waking up in the morning. She called her therapist and talked to her a bit today, and will meet with her again on Monday. I didn't find out about any of this until this afternoon. We talked for awhile and she tried making jokes about it and passing it off as no big deal. I feel awful. I've known she was depressed and I thought I was doing a good job at being there for her and I completely dropped the ball. She could've been dead and I totally would've missed it. I don't know what to do. Obviously what I thought I was doing isn't good enough. I know I can't fix the problem but I have to be able to do something. To make her feel like she can talk to me or that she doesn't have to be alone. I know that's a lot, I just need some advice. 
   ",4.253223705633347,5.662031429718876,4.4921209160968205,86.82907033539564,71.04819277108433,7.552458482578966,25.90925865624661,8.00916892397051,1.3930521437099754,2004,62,403,27,37,626,235,498,0.145,0.769,0.086,-0.9847,2,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,5,0,4,7,16,22,5,1,24,1,51,15,7,8,5,82,86,34,2,6,12,0,8,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,23,30,4,4,19,3,0,8,13,14,0,1,17,10,79,8,55,61,13,61,0,5,1,0,68,19,0,9,33,289,102,3,0.07292047595654394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712570451548612,0.0646396021657234,0.0,0.0,0.07552362142607867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049588424200118865,0.0,0.05578396451463637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607134489822495,0.06088555153339865,0.13335493595916406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347670549181947,0.07961027350685537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445995894960637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645573167032363,0.0,0.1635730286783787,0.05822106645816835,0.0,0.0,0.04702767443150923,0.07517780878384242,0.12561259817990236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384755456097252,0.0,0.16405144124675014,0.0,0.07534634453502863,0.0,0.0,0.0659607452787295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212247019526716,0.05209440259355503,0.0,0.0,0.1332959879169466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144238693913178,0.12232447108760115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532242341590178,0.0,0.07483744588923688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775411587201588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723623205728456,0.0,0.08067570257856607,0.0,0.16030074620208007,0.11887984094172185,0.0,0.07721225515244183,0.0,0.07456612717896675,0.10301177736556516,0.07125052239370692,0.14617094760970645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157936025999953,0.0,0.061994380997356525,0.0,0.0,0.2433749196888435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345970790306043,0.07348668868521083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813921789956296,0.056240766462434484,0.0,0.0,0.06843092691670344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049412801704905085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896576941243008,0.06961084542436227,0.0,0.0,0.15237275408486942,0.08004478499233328,0.06893341975972228,0.0,0.06983765888504129,0.0,0.0,0.06977504736502281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934294482665276,0.0,0.07200017281531945,0.0,0.0,0.06227368803617701,0.0,0.05798928929423824,0.0,0.07379941470643388,0.0,0.06638406260929408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096171375197884,0.0819656702233304,0.2918925530087722,0.0,0.0,0.05613774496347208,0.07212021529276412,0.0,0.05161348820167179,0.0,0.0582343862941148,0.0,0.08353015883565035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965424570823247,0.2344428655813349,0.0637357100861005,0.0,0.0,0.1693325858614817,0.0968902480778654,0.09344899318636933,0.0,0.1157814252265804,0.0425205159411946,0.0,0.0691200848393486,0.0,0.08101733187999217,0.19803286619495367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031160213888826,0.06016702951418795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879749482447093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180061392886422,0.0,0.0,0.09391679144859616
suicidewatch,A-Llama-Snackbar,2018/03/15,How? How do you deal with this feeling? How do you deal with feeling like nothing to everyone? Like you've become the best you can be and that's still not enough? I don't know what future I have. This pain is unlike any other.,0.2243262411347509,2.565365085106386,1.5245744680851097,98.0841666666667,89.63829787234043,3.9843971631205686,16.343971631205672,5.46131890053228,-0.7631390070921991,177,4,39,1,6,56,34,47,0.103,0.688,0.209,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,3,0,10,10,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,3,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860934471499434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29007359053957543,0.0,0.0,0.2756324060581725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415561950427561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713851355663648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509709953652221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656049920782514,0.18763546655575444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434422800437322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566326581377943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520174137196301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794755177176771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975067757540808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myexcitingusername69,2018/03/15,"I’m not living, I’m barely surviving It’s funny when people are surprised or shocked by my lack of motivation to better myself or to do well and succeed in things. Like I know I’m stupid already, I know I’m not going to amount to much. I’m just stalling and scraping by until I finally get lucky enough for something to kill me. Or until I gain the courage to end my own life. ",1.9796925858951155,3.7572293924050655,3.7481374321880665,88.2913924050633,77.86075949367087,6.033273056057867,25.20976491862568,6.868970318607317,0.9864018083182642,298,11,62,3,7,100,54,79,0.15,0.55,0.3,0.9089,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,5,3,10,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,13,11,8,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,8,7,13,11,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,40,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31261250422000536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505429321723826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509067976792157,0.2927095648071414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103253296478157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800493926026378,0.0,0.16099763194062985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134133439121789,0.0,0.3113725154725786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009286919464792,0.13839894643095518,0.0,0.250146215018724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082473782132739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963944405835128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808695563024846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820224474024103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547076129046096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brthdaycake,2018/03/15,"I texted everyone 'I love you' and I wrote the note. I'm usually really good about asking for help, but this time I just told everyone I loved them, missed them. Some people I said I would see them tomorrow or that we should really meet up soon.

I wrote down all of the things I would miss about living. I told them I was sorry. I told them I felt guilty about leaving too soon. But then I told them I feel guilty for being such a burden all the time. My longterm boyfriend told me that I'm the reason he gets angry and for the first time I didn't have it in me to argue.

I'm the reason my mom cries when I don't answer the phone. I'm the reason my friends always check my arms for fresh marks. I'm so tired of feeling responsible for them. I think we'd all feel a lot better if I was just gone.

I am going to miss birthday cake and ice cream. Sunsets. I am sad for the first dates I will never go on and the first kisses that might have followed. I will miss my cat. I will miss trashy reality TV shows.

But I will not miss feeling sad. I will not miss hospitals and emergency rooms. I will not miss therapy appointments and ""hold on pain ends"" posters. I will not miss locking myself in the bathroom with a pair of scissors. I will not miss crying myself to sleep.

I hope they know I love them. 

I hope they know how hard I tried.

EDIT:
Called mom and a friend. Talked it out for a while. Ignored loser boyfriend for most of the night. Didn't have the heart to throw the note away. Can't sleep now. 

There's a lot going on. Dropped out of college, switching therapists, fired from my job. It's all falling apart at once.

I'm just trying to get to tomorrow. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you all.",1.0093297297297283,3.179637588571431,2.191760617760618,96.19707722007723,83.11428571428571,5.383783783783784,18.31660231660232,6.643151254067905,-0.15477837837837827,1316,31,298,14,37,418,171,350,0.204,0.64,0.157,-0.9293,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,2,3,10,5,15,29,1,0,20,0,25,10,4,4,6,57,74,17,0,6,13,2,7,0,2,12,2,1,1,0,8,11,0,2,12,2,1,7,10,17,0,3,14,11,59,12,36,46,9,40,0,13,3,4,38,13,0,9,19,191,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484665047351327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840922814247538,0.0,0.08451216561598981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795545757344951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185028908342123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761446090145698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967011348193635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190455893421816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819282301825121,0.0,0.08636731158134221,0.0,0.0,0.2295374760915806,0.0,0.0,0.13899223382894454,0.0,0.09399163686133234,0.0,0.15336411439237213,0.07544684545808605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057865675753156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659267094092577,0.06029243051299305,0.0,0.0,0.17868378610206678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926274144015227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886971525806236,0.0,0.0,0.0952453917055531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942860664579539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294668158516506,0.2435535602321239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542406727362056,0.0,0.2106996467225465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937595360942779,0.0,0.0,0.08441315988099815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579515148351983,0.0,0.0,0.0957144779544255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062360874688274726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152501552947804,0.2774546162386077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855642426709615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335900931127316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800324345686153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006930661853588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722994119287824,0.0,0.1656300615807369,0.10286710006629447,0.10444034070141374,0.0597596172550897,0.05763713249245659,0.0,0.0,0.15735390146339548,0.10338573590577403,0.0,0.4297613973355454,0.0,0.12214199594399006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990685997853158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779758224913787,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Revolutionary_Bus,2018/03/15,"I'm confused as to why I haven't done it yet I have all the reasons to do it; and I have no reasons to live. I kill myself in my head, in every viable method, thousands of times every day. I plan over and over for every variance. What angle? What caliber? How thick shall the rope be? From what height? What time of day? Do I leave a note? Handwritten? Emailed? etc. etc...

I'm miserable, but I don't ever execute these plans; I distract myself from reality by becoming Nietzsche's last man, seeking nothing but entertainment, and sleeping for 15+ hours at a time. **I then make a post like this even though nothing ever comes of it and I'm backed into the same corner soon enough.** 

Surely, this is hell and I am being punished; that is why I'm unable to kill myself even though it's the right -- nay, the only thing left to do.

""Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best thing would to have never been born at all""",0.5253225806451631,2.952523387096776,2.1507795698924745,93.44616935483872,89.32258064516128,4.605376344086022,18.50268817204301,6.21433560688645,-0.07586666666666675,714,20,149,7,24,232,110,186,0.183,0.713,0.104,-0.9486,0,0,1,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,0,4,10,13,4,3,9,0,19,3,3,4,6,23,25,13,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,2,1,14,6,23,19,7,29,1,1,0,0,2,12,1,1,16,108,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095578649762406,0.0,0.0,0.13727904181922412,0.0,0.0,0.1304446658780914,0.10993281449405838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707302065203947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603258003455512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720155343129108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843462000532566,0.2772536189399353,0.16419730661063536,0.22487204408976255,0.3141830916247473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042565306813562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756715649934092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240997799756854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750379800979914,0.0,0.0,0.10132068975519673,0.0,0.13161523245029907,0.13505178007163968,0.0,0.0,0.060726461418193725,0.0,0.10975874359578312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297088736542879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586744405434204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385374622545632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453537763827363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190445699298904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556011943237061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615110140530123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487785529571198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715081607610887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515814099404802,0.0,0.24424727270337504,0.0,0.2174401296189828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243219463882923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829880476687584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oldfriendfordinner,2018/03/15,"Tried multiple times. I think I'm going to succeed tonight. Maybe if I ask someone to push me off the edge into the ocean; offer to pay them, they may help me finally succeed. 
I've been married for almost two years now, to a guy who never understood how I feel. And today, he hit me. Slapped me. Punched me. Pushed me. And covered my nose and face to muffle my screams, so hard, that I thought I'd die from loss of breath. Then, he booked me tickets to my parent's, and asked me to leave the very next morning. 

I don't want to stay with him. Of course not. But going back to my parents is not an option. I have no money, no friends, nothing. Everyone thinks I am in this happy marriage because I have lead them to believe so. And there is not one person I am comfortable in confiding. I had taken to cutting myself to calm myself down. But tonight, I don't even want to do that. Cutting only leaves me with bruises and no solutions. There is no solution, in fact. I am from that part of the world where a divorce is not the solution. I'll only end up bringing disgrace to my family. And knowing myself, I also know I will not be able to kill myself. But I really want to die. I'm really thinking of asking someone roaming alone at night, someone who looks like he may do it, to take whatever money I have in my pockets, and just push me. ",1.9609963099631005,3.904302767527674,3.6161977859778602,88.44347011070113,78.52029520295203,6.254819188191882,25.969151291512915,7.24861992348623,1.2819129446494468,1034,41,211,13,25,344,154,271,0.146,0.746,0.108,-0.6319,2,1,0,0,3,3,41.0,0,0,3,4,14,12,3,0,8,0,20,3,3,2,2,40,43,17,3,4,10,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,7,11,0,0,8,2,3,7,12,5,0,2,5,5,40,7,35,33,1,32,0,1,1,0,21,11,0,5,14,147,47,5,0.11876134072117782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892232769213515,0.12300093244077165,0.0,0.0949734012674353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330774659152331,0.0,0.0,0.09132014031451442,0.0,0.07239581100071828,0.0,0.0,0.1338033622375114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651104334197416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518729764549294,0.0,0.0,0.07844074548145777,0.0,0.0,0.11348155046453255,0.0,0.0,0.1119576225432738,0.0,0.06004930224765054,0.0,0.0,0.13009724375157689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175471724093874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498961357603256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117592398945356,0.0,0.1264236555558511,0.10638683418155563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960322330378411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313918275514721,0.0,0.13053625396596055,0.0,0.0,0.25150222407967576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058020792209335335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972961539781666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931172936355723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159606736859174,0.0,0.12630403317500785,0.11144947315296996,0.0,0.11395470943304185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047575804032586,0.180646702418857,0.0,0.0,0.2637408288275086,0.12860695879286804,0.0,0.0,0.10369782187927594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152163111847832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30187829579380954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658378750958582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929374819111068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22829241528410804,0.0,0.0942832387621266,0.06925069282792183,0.0,0.11257186460459373,0.0,0.0,0.08063115465053315,0.0,0.11601257318685312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799054378874213,0.21014554727276374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647840968093397
suicidewatch,TimberFams,2018/03/15,"Sick of this life I am 18, I don't have any friends, I have a very bad relationship with my parents and with my sister.

I am sick of feeling so depressed and sad. I thought to kill myself to kill myself last week, but i couldn't make me do the move, but tomorrow it's the day.

This life ain't for me, please don't say to don't do it or think about your parents, because they don't care about me or anything that I do.

",6.606195652173913,3.5561824456521762,6.975652173913044,86.01608695652176,66.93478260869566,10.069565217391306,33.869565217391305,7.1686216300943375,1.9220130434782607,323,10,81,2,4,106,54,92,0.27,0.7170000000000001,0.014,-0.9666,2,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,1,0,3,7,2,0,3,0,13,4,0,1,0,13,18,7,2,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,2,16,2,10,16,0,5,0,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689571705081732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565857380476506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680830026290515,0.12271492708811013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524598377926656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298264124416039,0.0,0.1733854924393091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178690790464674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555293501180648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44543291428263626,0.0,0.0,0.16409213774295645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843782869612621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437403862052727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139575669823328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470553769941792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097472171091287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612846611728226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008746934900586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898944800401932,0.0,0.1598153347603282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609942302104258,0.0,0.0,0.16147639637387018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bevin100,2018/03/15,"My girlfriend told me shocking news and I dont know how to react I have know this girl for about 5 months know and we've been dating for two and a half months. Everything has been going smooth and quite well. We already confessed love for each other and speak about future plans.

Today, she told be about her wanting to commit suicide at the age of 30. I was shocked and she said that there is nothing i can do to stop it. She said that she still loves me and that she looks forward to being with me in the future, but i'm not sure how to take this news. She told previous partners about her ""dream"" and they all took it as a joke but i'm not too sure that is the case.

TL;DR My girlfriend wants to commit suicide at the age of thirty regardless of how we are as a couple and I don't know how to react.",1.7764285714285748,3.5369175952380942,2.7553809523809534,95.25628571428574,78.40476190476191,5.194285714285715,20.128571428571426,5.6839178017228535,-0.223788571428571,628,15,140,3,15,199,93,168,0.109,0.8109999999999999,0.08,-0.7302,0,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,2,0,1,2,12,8,0,0,7,0,14,2,0,6,5,39,33,17,2,3,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,9,13,0,1,5,2,0,3,4,2,1,2,9,5,21,6,23,22,2,16,1,0,1,2,24,4,0,0,11,99,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322493409609662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636621796751781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335214902627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293406465440968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406198571200732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32515499304262985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420910442733113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26699330519994985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361244210891792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192586973783458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573229697163628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813969945979555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812297770862787,0.12366133085571558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32358416349312497,0.0,0.2788112408834982,0.0,0.1112116641534776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020359379183442,0.4240097095330768,0.16433604089754048,0.0,0.0,0.14448885379101442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448504887955815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329909481191778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lasceroth,2018/03/15,Can someone PM me? My life is a mess and i have no one. I'm a complete mess. Im reaching the end of the line and i dont know what to do. I wish i could just speak with someone who gives a shit. I need help. ,-3.798200000000002,-2.424827719999996,-0.4084999999999983,109.12325,106.2,2.5,14.25,3.1291,-1.8007999999999995,154,4,46,0,8,54,37,50,0.21600000000000005,0.64,0.14400000000000002,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,0,6,2,1,0,0,8,11,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,7,0,3,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854796171442497,0.0,0.0,0.21739282849161784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31910925747210905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411586019881961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611950704754534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825030443351952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941083173189769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963755709982354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231888912185294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018916165590019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845034689298046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794907411350633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614026561113872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131077043305041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodyfrom2000,2018/03/15,"Well here I am again Curled up knees to chest in a bathtub of lukewarm water, crying my eyes out. I can feel my stomach caving in and out. Mostly over my ex who left me a year ago and has happily been with someone else ever since. And everyday I miss him and wish I could go back. He was perfect, he made my life worthwhile, and I wasn’t enough, no matter how hard I tried. Now he’s gone. He’s not coming back.

For a while I was okay, after trying 4 medications I was having some success with Cymbalta, but the side effects became too much for me and I tampered myself off. And now I’m back to waiting to die. It’s good to know that medication was just an illusion, and I’ve realistically made zero progress in moving forward. 
No friends who care, no money at all, a shit part time job, parents who have admitted I’m a burden to them. An ugly failure, waste of a life. The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t want anything to happen to my pet if I go, I love her too much.",2.6128398058252422,3.8792386699029113,4.4962985436893215,85.75813713592233,74.92233009708737,6.703398058252428,25.010922330097088,7.1686216300943375,1.0316320388349514,770,25,162,8,16,263,134,206,0.192,0.639,0.16899999999999998,-0.882,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,13,12,2,0,10,1,15,11,5,5,3,35,33,12,2,4,4,2,2,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,5,13,1,1,5,0,1,6,7,4,1,1,9,3,25,8,23,23,7,30,0,1,1,1,15,12,1,3,14,114,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810335639022585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189230937447077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33336811667068816,0.0,0.08809467836644212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734213152452227,0.0,0.0,0.12448641800842825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153830434597678,0.0,0.15874235723657212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998320190633566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207232943340562,0.0,0.0,0.14932207661064115,0.0,0.0,0.13072160992795656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307085720171791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165151950385836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426180501897975,0.1212118793275178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779366679828252,0.0,0.1294565778060718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340831055551514,0.0,0.1598838472575592,0.0,0.07942137224056656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701539234066825,0.0,0.20414968511747966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042994960402968,0.2734861676967089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911662456616336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535960090156085,0.21246952407596206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990976499586212,0.0,0.0,0.16046621459512153,0.1564950860268915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858494196889127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834202468750318,0.1195438613123584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244663978095582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426754845343921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623167520516066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523837747532292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993586223434447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618450620944775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306257930796613
suicidewatch,WarriorDelta6,2018/03/15,"Today, because the love of my life doesn't want to be with me, I contemplated suicide. Let me start by saying that I don't think I want to die, I just don't want to be alive anymore. I'm desperately, hopelessly in love with a woman. We dated for about 7 months and then she broke up with me. I didn't realize that she broke up with me when she did. Since then, she's had been with several other people. Like the day we were over. I didn't realize at that point how much I loved her. We live together and share a bedroom and a bed, and we did the friends with benefits thing, which only deepened my feelings for her. It wasn't until I saw her going on dates with people and talking to partners the way she used to talk to me that I really realized how much I loved her, probably because it hurt so much to see her be that way with other people. I've since restarted taking meds for my anxiety and ADHD, which have helped me regain control of my mind, which also lead me to realize how much I'm in love with her. 

She says she still cares about me and part of her still wants to be with me, but it's not enough of her to be with me. She says that I hurt her because I lied to her, but I lie to everyone and I believe the lies I told her were only ever to protect her. But she's lied to me too. 

Right now, she's on spring break with her new person until tomorrow night and I tried to leave her alone so she could relax but I can't. She says if I give her space and work on myself, we might be together again some day, but I can't give her space. I want more than anything to be with her, and I'm feeling empty without her here. 

Today, when she said again that she's picking the new person, I realized that I might hurt myself. I work with chemotherapy drugs and I could easily steal some to use to kill myself. I thought about it. And I told her, and I honestly believe this, that I might need to commit myself to prevent myself from harming myself.

I'm mostly getting this off my chest, I know this is long winded, but I felt it needed to be said. I don't know how to live without her and I think I might not want to.",3.6106192979743312,3.9358867466367764,4.827213545693522,87.84607623318388,71.66816143497758,7.945446111025205,25.02056595020875,7.873277556716777,1.10915611566414,1643,43,369,20,29,545,180,446,0.14,0.763,0.097,-0.9626,0,1,1,0,0,9,45.0,5,0,0,4,21,21,1,0,9,0,32,8,1,9,2,89,72,35,3,11,12,0,3,1,2,4,2,6,2,4,23,34,0,3,13,1,0,2,13,9,0,0,16,11,94,12,64,41,10,45,0,6,2,5,63,14,0,8,27,276,117,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878601063258343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651447551713493,0.0,0.05907955201522878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056515838442434775,0.0,0.07326630851607023,0.0,0.0,0.060794622194517166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510452478134485,0.0,0.0,0.16646856053651835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532270593798622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285953627320154,0.11796982930579543,0.0,0.0,0.09528933533568597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667284636063748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567407124480544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633487279041345,0.0,0.0,0.06682613643813674,0.0,0.0705928088703399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470904123204658,0.0,0.07093367571990758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057077323940564764,0.0,0.038597775983948535,0.1417394405017943,0.041986102373672576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951831469647843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372611388696649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173415089499184,0.0,0.08120192920477616,0.0,0.0,0.07822526376422244,0.0,0.0755444191460941,0.05218163515191574,0.036092657160332255,0.0,0.13046980214014406,0.06537897715289487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333851844642148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206088958994623,0.0,0.0,0.3134880417106277,0.07459488908172286,0.0,0.05896805811094676,0.0,0.21723290300159734,0.1095579817834464,0.0,0.14270207643545982,0.0,0.06932872634170259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237384477661996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000178376394385,0.0,0.15365139825783822,0.12901340332818534,0.0,0.0,0.06983781178555053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965209232600952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732761152724706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309070577699337,0.14054822667775665,0.2350003864845348,0.0,0.0,0.05887054541714975,0.0,0.0,0.08346018207407786,0.0,0.12222392901684845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052290646353950886,0.0,0.11799681848460257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808096412418017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554644321978512,0.11875935343121555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049080713917162885,0.09467502439958957,0.0,0.05865022663478325,0.0,0.0,0.14005385174383114,0.1411856177406798,0.0,0.050157753977981424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761232248562188,0.0,0.0,0.2614480396655427,0.11728052932110092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242992525499,0.0,0.10756692993018817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Meepboi,2018/03/15,"I'm going to kill myself within the next few years My days are numbered. I've decided today that I'm probably going to kill myself soon. Not today, probably not tomorrow but soon. I've had severe depression ever since Katrina and no matter how hard I try to repress bad memories or the amount of time I've wasted from just feeling sorry for myself, I always find myself back here in the same damn spot everytime. So I'm pretty much convinced that I will kill myself in the next few years. Every day is different now. Some days, I'll be just fine, just living the same, mediocre and stale life I've always been living. Other days, pain takes over. My bed becomes my world, my comforter: a cocoon. I just lay there. Motionless. Listening to the saddest music I can find. It's almost addictive. I call it my hole and it's truly the only place I have left to call my own. It's the only place I feel comfortable. My roommate never leaves so I never get privacy and time to myself. The only time I can relax and unwind is within this sack that my nearly morbidly obese body can fit in. My job fucking sucks. School is as shit as ever. Have no SO, probably will never. I wanted to ask for advice, like I do with everyone in my life because apparently, I'm too much of a fucking Trainwreck that none of my friends want to help. Yes, I know I should work out and eat better. Yes, I have tried. No, I do not have motivation or the drive to do these things, or the need at this point. Nothing seems like it will ever change. It's sort of funny actually. I used to think that if I'm depressed now, then tomorrow will be better. I know now that this is false. I have no hope for the future. I've read on some self-help blogs that this line of thinking is ultimately harmful, so now I'm left wondering what to do if having no hope is the right option. What do you guys think? Also, sorry for dumping my problems onto you guys because I can't figure them out by myself.",2.3978628117913843,4.4314152602040835,4.159217687074829,84.6373696145125,77.5204081632653,6.702494331065759,22.113378684807266,7.6953281115453125,1.0592446712018138,1530,44,297,23,36,515,196,392,0.194,0.655,0.15,-0.9692,3,0,0,0,0,3,51.0,0,2,1,5,23,28,9,1,15,2,31,10,2,3,6,60,61,21,3,9,13,0,3,2,1,5,5,1,1,2,22,9,2,1,14,4,0,3,13,16,0,0,2,4,42,12,38,52,11,54,0,2,0,2,11,21,5,14,32,205,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0778249374020331,0.08693976472567574,0.0,0.07793121908892725,0.0,0.0,0.07985855815033327,0.0,0.0,0.06377640797180605,0.13271753014586798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745559074749381,0.0,0.0,0.06132317519450591,0.06658829657597387,0.09723027113307586,0.08807810900175941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106558859331927,0.0,0.08858477416465015,0.0,0.0,0.16286825707249905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436540410733682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572977683258112,0.0,0.13737789558650446,0.0,0.0,0.08332224874020826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160462252819857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641654998803628,0.06719319575640928,0.0762049748994376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064844993356253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578093738597714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161500169524084,0.14745601632558114,0.041666319800836536,0.0,0.09064803989844496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793097244994395,0.0,0.0,0.07144074076578552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691009435362113,0.0,0.0,0.15842038767633929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914001831103015,0.0,0.2646961787065255,0.0,0.08765752596984147,0.0,0.0,0.0844442140360713,0.17329819976010016,0.0,0.11266020606339992,0.0779240853840778,0.0,0.1408422211317003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725151743837235,0.059133949940816215,0.18452539605261065,0.0,0.16963102175463135,0.0,0.0,0.07652270996008048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196143823128733,0.08486010417933006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664449748041651,0.0,0.07538995514294655,0.0,0.0,0.0811348808967013,0.2579534286929989,0.07631041241362657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977203400574331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810645060114087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071171550297357,0.0,0.07260181664809083,0.08319711478133382,0.09009531114903448,0.08186269334453716,0.06597039834430611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854820439378769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996241513907589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052982656901691086,0.1533026091487417,0.0,0.0,0.13950939039301713,0.0,0.15118820780047562,0.0,0.0,0.10829064444580264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887878515882129,0.0,0.0,0.09407776617782812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648596370203811,0.0580592791710236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271335324953937
suicidewatch,Petly1991,2018/03/15,"I don't want to hurt my parents but I really want to kill myself. I hate my life, I feel alone and the only person i've ever loved left me.

I want to kill myself but don't want my mom to suffer from that.
",-0.9965957446808495,0.692817425531917,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,87.51063829787233,4.611063829787233,11.527659574468085,5.6839178017228535,-1.3290646808510638,157,1,39,1,5,56,29,47,0.47,0.421,0.109,-0.9752,1,1,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,9,3,2,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,11,1,5,9,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295250708629116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472203863485404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884586172826702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125323737044973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304486194175302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763238258759748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388908161761884,0.0,0.15205000494810147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194287583360816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211903166814315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372085317543902,0.0,0.0,0.23902940344140905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879635292887312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379060572929468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078820752305452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xluzibelx,2018/03/15,"Before doing this, I want to say goodbye and... 
I love you, mom, you too, dad. Y'all were incredible parents and friends to me. Caroline, I know you will cry when you read this but hey, I'm now in a better place, right? You know I had no choice, I tried everything I could but it seemed useless, the disorder is growing up faster than I thought and it won't stop. My mind had betrayed me again. I really want to hurt nobody. It's doing it again, it tells me to kill people, do illegal acts, but no anymore....
I'm trash. For some time I thought I could go out there killing random people before shooting my head up. It was a horrendous twisted mind-set going on through, you know it baby, but now i won't do it.  nobody deserves to be killed by a stupid suicide dumbfuck for nothing. 
I would give EVERYTHING to be normal and live happy but can't, I'm mental illness and have no total control of my acts, its so sad one day I could care of everybody and smile and the next one think like a serial murder. 

I'm right now really under the thought that nobodie has to pay for my pain, but just me. Im the only person who can stop this

I'm posting this here because I hope people who has this problem too just kill themselves. Don't screw up people lives, please. At least no innocent ones.

Goodbye everybody. Enjoy life! ",2.5722202016862283,4.438056954372627,3.855116548189784,87.78991238221194,76.41444866920152,6.703190610018186,25.122995536452308,7.586124646067393,1.2685686559761942,1021,36,207,14,23,334,149,263,0.289,0.5589999999999999,0.152,-0.9961,1,0,0,1,0,1,43.0,0,7,0,2,13,20,7,0,8,0,24,6,1,1,1,40,45,15,6,9,8,3,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,1,17,8,0,3,8,1,1,5,8,12,0,3,7,1,29,8,23,29,3,29,0,3,0,2,19,11,1,4,13,137,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715585322511873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059719106210219634,0.0,0.1667235387167258,0.0,0.0,0.08664288158038258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988276891314417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987709231583326,0.2346534100017925,0.0,0.10761094617359628,0.06317990400568901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227741413864484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760908765083995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568821494583336,0.0,0.0,0.0939778225252217,0.11135256251696128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042865272073434,0.0,0.0,0.10054128137250506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730224802684027,0.0,0.0,0.1048745271459009,0.0,0.10581998809503536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43353903471698796,0.0,0.16151849755782266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919621567605283,0.047861192580824934,0.0,0.17301137731345895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841805382382514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872659009727204,0.0,0.19783527358631006,0.11473648354895535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418785103301853,0.0,0.09598578646168937,0.09400092770172884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991526971792805,0.07450748502679684,0.10424262969625224,0.0,0.10877954367114608,0.0,0.0,0.2716688930073674,0.0855400492511297,0.1023535194174342,0.1075371447367004,0.0,0.0,0.09382425641236117,0.0,0.0,0.0937401402005298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799241565158294,0.0,0.12551893420501986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732469465127334,0.0,0.07790641947017755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918448028450064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380776588144294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071587992172544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562651871801318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277259603323344,0.0,0.2333219562699452,0.05712470684361736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651241863123905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155656575862969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959216791014873,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cata3232,2018/03/15,I just want to be dead already It's my birthday today and it's a day I dread. My birth should not be celebrated. I wish someone would kill me today. Last night I was ready to do it and today it's all I can think about. I have no reason to be here. I wish I could just disappear. I don't belong here.,-1.911343283582088,-0.03225280597014901,1.1125522388059714,99.01957462686569,99.44776119402985,3.8740298507462687,14.16268656716418,5.6839178017228535,-0.9911779104477612,230,5,57,2,10,80,42,67,0.335,0.611,0.054000000000000006,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,11,0,0,1,1,14,15,2,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,12,0,4,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23824568998455045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723747266473195,0.0,0.0,0.1392345248573375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388560193938137,0.0,0.0,0.17598337966661493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260299302426332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197619327597348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292727794517424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833690823528075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6139301349924335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734056562039825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965375842397801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336573528014713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlwaysExhausted-,2018/03/15,"I Don't Want To Wake Up Anymore I've been trying very hard to understand how I feel. I want to return to who I was. I want to be bright and optimistic and cheerful but I'm not. In fact I've lately started to feel very much like I would rather stop existing. I've dealt with depression for around ten years now, since I was twelve, but this is the first time I can say I've really latched on to the feeling of wanting to die. I've found myself looking at suicide methods online. And I've broken down into self-harming again. Going out and just living my life again seems impossible. I'm about to lose my job - a good, enjoyable job I was so lucky to get in the first place. I'm completely snowed under. I'm taking medication for the first time, I'm seeing doctors, I feel like the things that are supposed to help just aren't doing me any good. A bit like a lost cause. 

I don't understand what's wrong with me. I have family and friends who care, I have good things in my life. But when I try to focus on them these days it just makes me want to cry. Why do things that are supposed to make me happy make me feel so upset? I don't know why I can't just be happy.

I don't feel like I'm a good person. I feel void of any sort of self-identity, actually. I don't do any good by being here. And I can't cope with things that should be easy. All I want to do is sleep.

I wish I could explain what's wrong properly. But it's like it would make complete sense if I found out I had a brain tumour or something. Like if somebody could look into my head there would be a physical /thing/ there, something hindering me. I wish it was something so solid, something definite as that, something maybe that could be taken out and then I'd be able to feel better. As it stands, the only thing that's wrong is all with me.

I don't want to keep on living.",2.235641835716663,3.5664657268041253,3.6155171267043578,91.43370635184573,76.01030927835052,6.759028932490858,22.30994346524776,7.359569317364363,0.5967173927502487,1434,38,325,17,31,471,177,388,0.094,0.64,0.266,0.997,3,0,6,0,0,3,44.0,0,0,1,6,18,27,0,1,12,0,41,8,4,6,3,74,86,22,2,19,13,0,9,6,1,4,4,1,0,1,23,17,0,2,15,0,0,1,10,7,0,4,10,14,40,20,46,62,4,35,0,3,4,0,8,17,0,6,22,201,63,3,0.06816071493983437,0.0,0.06651502547994258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905487046878895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675971138898517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060677487207195735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028261334253645,0.07441384724390375,0.0,0.0,0.07608989997469966,0.0,0.0,0.06949439155468129,0.0700198299762576,0.0,0.0,0.14293042560509325,0.0,0.0,0.16326235377481402,0.0,0.07487134478080644,0.043958022340935904,0.0,0.05870672390080536,0.0,0.07074006091848213,0.0,0.0,0.06976537995771083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425585589699276,0.0,0.2757128437913089,0.09738805674434498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393240792371725,0.0,0.14946941159247826,0.052660799282552136,0.0,0.03561116032630021,0.0,0.03873730506460006,0.2858498691415823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451166969935958,0.06105861245727207,0.0,0.06995255789500629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568669045796369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352779844138693,0.06058437523420036,0.0,0.0,0.037459346374240816,0.0,0.07688825532390269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628785742764844,0.19979929433342866,0.0,0.12037432010812027,0.0,0.11447566766948306,0.07625440518201769,0.07440547207975001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199122599586012,0.0,0.068476599579832,0.0,0.0,0.06866474943098151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050105968153156065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183929515119188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951530720412827,0.07121343984346439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043665499345313184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054204136290932334,0.0,0.0,0.05431526500953573,0.062050954943803464,0.14221298196363372,0.0,0.0,0.056383247751624274,0.0,0.0682099397930012,0.0,0.0,0.26236724195962685,0.0,0.0,0.04824450485568925,0.0,0.0,0.05698540972448207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455675921248281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124837492911796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716977019028588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949012203073419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255330251462296,0.0,0.0,0.14191541613817388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247945638580643,0.28142068958320754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300888702436967,0.0,0.15676291669390754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525824880042654,0.22356912521525651,0.0,0.043893265684431984
suicidewatch,throwaway_0x355e,2018/03/15,"I gave myself an ultimatum I decided to get my life in order by September this year. I will not give up and will put into it all the effort I can muster. If I will not succeed in doing so by September, I will kill myself.

This thought somehow gave a peace of mind. Surprisingly I became able to function more or less normally.",3.620153846153848,5.0808184000000045,5.63692307692308,77.80307692307693,72.69230769230771,8.892307692307693,28.384615384615394,9.3871,2.6150615384615383,256,10,49,6,5,89,48,65,0.111,0.8029999999999999,0.086,-0.3875,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,11,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,10,2,9,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,41,13,1,0.35463759651782123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528350705355126,0.3402006975078312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923539566156895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504910223002633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580828766683352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34746954789616136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565087360618285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815426382312135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283749849071484
suicidewatch,gmkasious,2018/03/15,"Attempted suicide Things have been bad for a long time coming, had a girl so deeply in love with me but I lost my job of over ten year, started another to sell life insurance. That job flopped and she left soon after cause I could talk and say how I felt. 

Things looked up and start a tefl course so I could move to Hong Kong got my hopes up hammered the schooling just to get a text that I am not an ambitious person and she doesn’t want me to move. So I call the job offer in HK to cancel it.

Just feel like I can’t get back on track so I took sltuff but in my high I texted two friends I guess with jobberish and woke up in the hospital like too hours ago and the feeling of having my friends and Mom and dad there did nothing. I smiled and said it was ok just a random dumb act. Although stupid I really really didn’t I didn’t wake back up. 

Jobless for so long having to move home with Mom though she does mean the world for me I can’t get even a p/t job here and that’s going out everyday and walking the beat calling back to see if they read my resume. I’m scared and alone even with these people around me I just want it to end wish so much that I really didn’t wake up or sent thoughts texts to I could just lay there let the pills put me under and fall asleep to my sharpe audiobook.",2.7196570397111905,3.5657788989169674,3.4858682310469327,94.73898285198557,74.09025270758123,7.128447653429602,21.79223826714801,7.365786028017652,0.35880664259927864,1013,22,244,11,20,321,156,277,0.114,0.774,0.112,-0.3788,6,1,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,4,24,12,2,1,14,1,18,6,3,2,0,46,45,26,1,8,10,3,4,2,2,0,2,2,1,2,10,20,0,0,5,1,1,11,7,5,0,2,15,8,32,7,34,26,1,43,0,1,2,1,19,17,1,5,17,153,42,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861327341323971,0.0,0.0,0.10063576796667996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188813239411534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649928217253176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241464093567276,0.08113043470294537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984368601549506,0.0,0.0,0.09981733439467058,0.0,0.08370081664958239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327399676109957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503154719400972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606117261746117,0.0,0.0,0.12835585072018113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982611680682261,0.06941616560189914,0.09329561344472298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501420558507355,0.0,0.15229733204198734,0.0,0.05522227823878837,0.0,0.0777133726083173,0.0,0.10704046902366167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266233154739364,0.09746648162397817,0.09650881295128368,0.0956899792502374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856932475001687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557229275067363,0.09935990000560636,0.06863196658904289,0.09494183281632028,0.0,0.0,0.17197957720259538,0.08159585651445123,0.0,0.10606932193203088,0.0,0.08769706343933864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584341158765648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760176777127955,0.0,0.3098196155307314,0.07142896776539144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323441269631152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736340349684962,0.08484252707854882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097679730943681,0.0,0.0,0.09719335271837057,0.0,0.18674311624889567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242812312621523,0.07727114446808704,0.0972811759207761,0.09833825012936864,0.07742956491083088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375506874415015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628499052652364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809920054343378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910695143693396,0.0,0.09546614107461596,0.0771397903327385,0.05665889287724207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795617660276872,0.0,0.0,0.09491809667436034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462329656054306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173732128188174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257239956141977
suicidewatch,masterchris,2018/03/15,Do I deserve to live I called my bf a bad name involving his insecurity because he was unknowingly making fun of my big insecurity and I didn’t mean to but I hurt him deeply. I really didn’t mean to hurt him I just wanted to try and relay how much he was hurting me but now he doesn’t want to open up with me anymore and I can’t blame him. I love him so much and I hurt him badly and I can’t stop thinking about how I deserve to die. I never wanted to hurt him but I feel like I just hurt people when I’m alive and it kills me to think I hurt someone as amazing as him😥,-0.5751827242524925,1.271380302325582,2.5477574750830563,93.20808139534886,87.06201550387595,5.236101882613512,18.516611295681066,6.5431188927421005,-0.1408830564784056,445,12,109,5,14,159,69,129,0.35100000000000003,0.52,0.13,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,8,16,1,2,1,0,8,1,0,3,1,28,19,15,2,3,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,4,1,27,4,14,15,2,7,0,7,0,1,15,3,0,1,5,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969800587846727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471385053605568,0.06742843222143377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129478618650093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479844584967988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055929068969334736,0.07902168455477157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8288917527271212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237648582204365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403974347192885,0.0,0.09767297828982834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983221665147138,0.0,0.07383478905495297,0.0,0.0,0.2409791612705217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262601974302324,0.0,0.08531127885633732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668486980672716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086128280082525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372172195088686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247711109573843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175221317247366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509871456838127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572658410825836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,permdeman,2018/03/15,"Screwed up beyond repair I turn 19 in a couple months, and I feel like I may as well just kill myself. I have no real skills, I have no friends or family, I lost nearly 2000 dollars last year when I had a panic attack while driving and crashed my car. I've been unemployed since January, and I spent nearly every dime I saved on uninsured medical treatments and paying for school 

Every day, I feel like everything is about to fall apart. I constantly feel a sense of doom, like nothing is going to work out, and I'm sick of it. I want to get ECT therapy, because medication hasn't done a single thing, but I read everything about how people get brain damage from it. I don't even know if I can wait the month to see my pssychiatrist, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore",5.684166666666663,5.521653955128208,6.449487179487183,79.69551282051285,67.14102564102564,9.497435897435896,29.51282051282051,9.150863307647796,2.285889743589744,611,19,122,10,9,202,107,156,0.151,0.768,0.081,-0.8859999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,13,3,1,5,0,12,5,1,1,0,21,28,12,1,2,4,0,3,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,1,4,4,5,7,1,0,5,5,19,6,18,22,1,20,1,3,1,1,2,8,1,3,11,76,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176782550178993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262607530855722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714089318649934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957929327632622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447798880906194,0.0,0.0,0.15817127453621432,0.0,0.09219081824688914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462873133061708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888340369141324,0.0,0.2408828043379568,0.0,0.2569481901976217,0.0,0.1347603831299167,0.0,0.21683919666433796,0.20424678273969135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044268865736946,0.0,0.1493707785004449,0.0,0.08124168605417767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815281370531473,0.0,0.15712298276071054,0.1165231955647615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095142075192555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604663239570515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288013841280787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282023904785233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716422297838124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677208322318439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910341718911356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429885202119844,0.16270820902005054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136794471386712,0.0,0.14467286571519503,0.11391251147944875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182495815058236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634755956176649,0.0,0.09496951910147676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548837244161806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431551694951278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285290701097771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040691831004516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205500756132813
suicidewatch,throw_away8964,2018/03/15,"I hate myself I'm in freshman year of high school and I'm a complete fucking failure. Almost everybody in the school hates me, including my teachers. I'm annoying, lazy, impulsive, stupid, narcissistic, ugly, and rude. If I killed myself, nobody would miss me. I have no friends and spend 6+ hours a day online. I just really fucking hate myself and wish I wasn't the way that I was.",2.353243243243245,4.917262364864868,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,80.75675675675676,6.943243243243244,25.466216216216218,8.07648339933343,1.9133567567567569,301,12,55,6,8,100,51,74,0.413,0.523,0.065,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,14,5,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,10,0,0,2,0,12,1,3,11,0,7,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,2,3,31,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639870722321354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205641550416555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648945567980596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515317451101627,0.3626432989700597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.580921719887683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072251131544428,0.0,0.0,0.19315133875293475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169919271813172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564771912025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969938087965755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556811185995328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22554308573756646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932714170853666,0.0,0.0,0.12630311803774158
suicidewatch,neversaints,2018/03/15,"It’s all just too much. I’ve been handling this really huge event going on, pretty much the epitome of my university. It’s a big deal, and an even bigger one when it comes to me personally. I’ve grown from being a shy person to a confident leader seemingly overnight.

But yeah, the consequences of it were the worse. Lost my friends, went through a really bad breakup.

Now my own Dean doesn’t even respect me enough to have discussions with me because of one really, really, really small mistake (he got pissed because I didn’t remove some borders from an animation teaser I made for our event).

A lot of setbacks and unplanned bullshit has been happening. It frustrates me as a leader that I can’t do anything to help my team. I can’t speak up against how unfair he is because if not my lecturer advisors would get shit from him.

So yeah. I feel like I’ve failed as a leader. I’ve failed to keep things going, and a lot of people from other universities all across my country are pretty much unhappy with how things have been going on our side because everything is seemingly delayed. Badly.

On top of that, my gpa last semester dropped extremely. I’m at risk of being kicked out of my honours program and getting my scholarship revoked. I don’t know how I’m going to get back up. 

The worst part is how expensive my therapy sessions have been. It must suck for my parents to spend so much money on a clinically depressed daughter who not only sucks up their money for therapy and anti-depressants, but also goes to a really expensive school where she’s getting fucked out of the honours program.

I feel like a burden, and that I’m not good enough, I’ll never get this to work, I’ll never be happy (and I haven’t been for the past year).

I don’t know. I feel like ending it is the only option. Ending everyone’s burdens. I’m sure they’ll find a better replacement leader in no time. Someone who our dean will respect enough to listen to their opinions.

I don’t know what to do anymore",4.427412904372557,5.916344476804127,5.53360113757554,79.21943298969073,70.72680412371133,8.650693210095984,29.616423746889442,9.130062681391069,2.619778421613935,1579,63,290,32,29,523,195,388,0.156,0.7290000000000001,0.115,-0.9298,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,3,9,15,29,6,1,21,2,32,4,2,5,6,48,64,20,0,4,7,2,3,3,1,4,1,2,0,2,18,12,0,2,9,1,6,8,14,17,0,2,11,5,34,12,47,46,15,42,0,4,0,1,23,19,5,8,17,199,52,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706308471356502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759141294196059,0.0,0.0,0.07268124961041855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679139504838624,0.14748989308272467,0.21536040162042475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811338346649993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760813407680131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105581456086637,0.15214273508908208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645365631773753,0.2737798382318075,0.0,0.11667132543155473,0.0,0.0,0.08439518788009623,0.07937786642571147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397434537633662,0.18929116207111468,0.0,0.0,0.08072445149586213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823714135677347,0.08165200643573599,0.2307222653444982,0.0,0.2007810741565688,0.07408006788036749,0.07063894738802963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810260482405228,0.09402011269188007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059200186806434185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850440238641934,0.0,0.0,0.14561792159419334,0.0719939894958817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944859246497387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641359009348677,0.1501759349262713,0.0,0.08357214647489719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25970650489672537,0.0,0.13623830980466314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969816576887818,0.13434529514402568,0.0,0.0,0.09807081728014694,0.09564381527730477,0.0843130750273764,0.061231159526118586,0.1542382373951344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797098818270688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394869305252784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938629535653322,0.0,0.16080955251379903,0.0,0.0,0.09066097579980838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483470627648972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324217533847537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020071670140565,0.0,0.11735405174020724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515011048766549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187511878903414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429926366733382,0.0,0.0900073776567237,0.06274121542445697,0.0,0.0,0.056876291585482436
suicidewatch,throwawayawaworht474,2018/03/15,"I’m going to end my life. What’s the best way to not make it look like suicide? Throwaway because some family and friends could recognize my account. Pretty much I’m going to kill myself but I don’t want my family to think they could have done something to stop me. I’ve been suicidally depressed for about 11 years and it’s finally weighed too heavily on me. I’ve attempt twice before but I’m determined to succeed this time. The problem is I’ve turned my life around from being a lazy shit to having a decent job and living in a different state so my family thinks everything is going better, but it’s not at all. I still have ptsd, anxiety, depression, all that fun stuff. At this point I feel like I talked about my issues too late and I’m so mentally fucked that I rather die than keep trying. The good thing is I’m pretty alone so I won’t be hurting anyone other than my parents and brother. So I’m basically just looking for a way out that won’t hurt anyone else (I.e. car accident) but won’t look intentional. I mainly want to do this because I love my mom and hate that this will hurt her, but I can’t keep going just because of here. I’m in pain day in and day out, it’s reached the point where it’s not worth it.",2.953102766798416,4.403582837944668,4.361681818181818,86.32252272727274,74.37549407114625,7.589644268774704,24.90296442687747,8.238735603445708,1.4292499604743083,970,31,203,16,20,322,137,253,0.233,0.616,0.151,-0.9845,3,1,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,1,4,15,20,4,0,8,0,19,7,1,2,2,37,45,16,4,6,11,3,1,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,18,10,1,3,3,0,2,5,8,11,0,1,2,4,22,9,25,35,6,29,0,5,3,2,8,12,2,1,11,126,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100276704289897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460360965497342,0.0,0.0,0.13637847093654007,0.0999222063233098,0.0,0.08681472823402987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783444341832524,0.0,0.08298353481936871,0.0,0.10234270036632018,0.08624975976178484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572581667628976,0.0,0.0,0.12578647992467296,0.0,0.16799009041212362,0.0,0.1012118241305228,0.10188911425270143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979825837505196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146662212363191,0.0,0.0863750209786064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764595266260371,0.0,0.2758035108520879,0.0,0.049309753720189184,0.0696693128592341,0.0,0.10682993488599063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534479736595615,0.09015696960777797,0.0,0.0,0.22169465259617074,0.08179632956954927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628219978724613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31319605049398896,0.0,0.0,0.1017870123618366,0.09677494894304603,0.17336301528853873,0.10789298817643043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100083951654102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776450805014542,0.09528806721828426,0.0,0.08611318931894794,0.0,0.2456802622082723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801687757619715,0.0,0.06509629663740775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827864127637573,0.0,0.0,0.11421589357953672,0.0,0.0,0.07168945532080867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037696531352917,0.0,0.10828598192372707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437850320184526,0.0,0.0,0.1984286616012582,0.0,0.0933148162302386,0.11399730641317385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010432317089382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507674380271896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788072184154612,0.08153226322050246,0.0,0.0,0.11163867956368362,0.21334518243774966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783840131407041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478888969139206,0.12497556010915968,0.0,0.0,0.05686551684171984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621063408189452,0.10607528716292544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504130543353963,0.15481590773022133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280058893483867
suicidewatch,StellaZaFella,2018/03/15,"The Pain of Hope I've been having a hard time for a long time and yesterday I did something I'd been putting off for a while because I thought it wouldn't work out. I applied for graduation from college, with the provision that I finished some incomplete courses. I felt confident and so much lighter when I turned that in and felt that things might be going better. I had some excitement and motivation that I've been lacking. 

Today I was told I was not approved to graduate, despite having all I needed to do so, provided I finish those classes. 

This was the only thing I had to hope for. And I won't get it. I worked so hard and suffered for so long for nothing. 

I'm in terrible pain. 

I've written to them about this, but I don't have hope of it turning out in my favor, nothing ever does. 

This is what I get for feeling good. ",2.905357142857145,4.623009297619049,4.261428571428572,85.88357142857143,75.07142857142857,7.180952380952381,29.261904761904763,7.957251820313856,1.952769047619048,654,29,132,10,14,216,95,168,0.066,0.77,0.165,0.9426,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,5,7,11,0,0,6,0,19,2,0,1,2,28,35,13,0,6,2,0,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,14,5,18,7,22,17,5,19,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,7,11,99,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704062420892325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262820389419318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495242219176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915752389033036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219656329140292,0.0,0.27419265589008385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919890448478695,0.0,0.08114820502019543,0.1197615773601913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558152557937901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254542110212453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527210835050282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147269240252895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496366150528624,0.1058735279621561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27401278895819065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859469299725724,0.3038673595013961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435387145503121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992313846106644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972048417549325,0.0,0.0,0.1133556187969636,0.16651857192629332,0.0,0.13534381655658248,0.13643752106777746,0.0,0.0,0.3106189183896214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078988710521829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SelfHarmerAnonymous-,2018/03/15,i’m going to end my life tonight what should my note say to my friends and family I’m sorry i’m posting this but i’m doing it tonight and nobody can change my mind so don’t reply trying to change it. What should my note say that’s all i want suggestions on rn,-0.9951724137931032,1.1031773275862091,1.2754310344827609,98.83142241379312,94.6896551724138,4.279310344827587,15.870689655172415,5.985473137389443,-0.6400413793103445,207,5,49,2,8,69,37,58,0.022,0.912,0.066,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,11,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635123943753173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590136147688534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510850281056268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057763931916312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136919733002185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881263509057326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689310949782913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550835304048256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236142183170865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981498377028664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082981106349472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709634724471974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PreviousLunch,2018/03/15,"I'm going to kill myself on Sunday I stopped going to college about 10 weeks ago due to my depression and didn't tell anyone. My mum found out and gave me a shit for it. I'm a failure and fuck everything up that I do.

So I've decided to kill myself by jumping off a bridge, this is something that I've always wanted to and have came close to doing it multiple times but always back out.",4.28890243902439,4.265271060975612,5.7718536585365845,82.89143902439027,70.09756097560975,8.511219512195122,27.37560975609756,8.238735603445708,1.6823239024390235,305,9,64,4,5,104,57,82,0.2,0.8,0.0,-0.9217,0,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,0,13,14,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,14,10,0,17,0,1,0,1,3,6,2,0,7,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973349692481747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704674088019296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556577446314497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117737038088388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461251734290263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173817109411773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20007221409431966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24408610895814745,0.0,0.20580419263511232,0.0,0.0,0.2530347303573324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925815368293909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22851133416636946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138007977875466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611630003545904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457552287536525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298087306317235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313042302078242,0.0,0.17856850927958798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pmmeurbaIIs,2018/03/15,need to talk I guess Posted a couple days ago and deleted it and my account in case anyone who knew my account saw it. I need to talk to someone. Don’t know who to reach out to. I haven’t eaten or slept in 3 days. I’m at work and I’ve just been sitting still starring at nothing for two hours thinking about killing myself. ,-0.6417391304347859,1.5558533043478278,1.1241884057971028,99.2923695652174,95.66666666666669,2.76,19.94347826086957,3.1291,-0.6834939130434785,254,9,56,0,10,82,49,69,0.069,0.913,0.017,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,12,13,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,6,0,12,8,0,12,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,5,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043849053043515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659937969657003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626757316577512,0.0,0.306203395099834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615200243427159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378864023236134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626450736746391,0.0,0.13046741444657295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520543601673507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277892286937601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273611072089904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114606495973367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958588756906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816221100965195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521146820900178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319027857338309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282815033318047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dreamsarewhitenoise,2018/03/15,"I can barely function I am an only child and have struggled with loneliness/ depression/ anxiety most of my adult life. I am about to finish my degree and the thought of what I am going to do next is making things infinitely worse; I have been unable to get out of bed most days for the past few months and have been having suicidal thoughts. Also, I am starting to suspect that I am in a relationship with a sociopath who I cannot talk to about any of this. I am terrified of leaving the relationship because I do not want to be alone, and cannot work out whether I am being manipulated or overreacting. I blame myself for everything. I don't have a very strong sense of self because I am more interested in other people, I am apparently too empathetic and people seem to use me a lot of the time which makes me feel like a fool. I feel like maybe one of the reasons I am like this is due to the fact that I was a high flying student in school and therefore lack discipline as I have never really had to try, and being good at most things has made it difficult for me to find my passion. At this point I do not even care to find my passion. I really don't know what to do and would like to speak to anyone who can help or shares my feelings.",10.905357142857149,6.031927392857143,10.735555555555557,67.96500000000003,60.78571428571429,14.057142857142859,41.095238095238095,11.20814326018867,4.266004761904762,981,33,202,18,9,329,134,252,0.149,0.7390000000000001,0.112,-0.8349,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,15,0,1,13,0,37,3,0,7,2,44,53,13,1,3,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,14,12,0,1,11,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,7,4,30,11,37,42,7,20,0,1,0,2,11,9,0,7,14,157,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526530995634156,0.0,0.10444316400799347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881451184436266,0.0,0.09991092996052098,0.0,0.0,0.09132064735794757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922874111980098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331584526534514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422812410724066,0.0,0.11248816401009336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862620432236564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117377546184359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198110387946085,0.1866056044652131,0.0,0.0,0.2387375337816704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823467189453633,0.0,0.07422468902843979,0.1095435916900855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754043128002388,0.1379892296563654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177598780296937,0.0,0.0,0.1382897089468324,0.0,0.0,0.09224875430626113,0.2552240958299193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110339917871489,0.0,0.1235797070933346,0.17435702009884632,0.0,0.1312082578037362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424606068317786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072907739427522,0.0,0.13889776164404422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849996613267896,0.09932945917724617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467533209944798,0.18108733778893374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346204027406064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673352394944604,0.13428162573369276,0.0,0.2804374691540095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217719855546234,0.0,0.11889605709382332,0.13624740214187134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244146861204887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365346022156674,0.0,0.14285847346081856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497373629968004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735336466992268,0.0,0.0,0.2073683713086948,0.07615565381645234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867085728145929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279905036662413,0.0,0.10776114469503864,0.07703302737557982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508053227654016,0.0,0.13309560465098424,0.09277661699359548,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XxMitroknightxX,2018/03/15,I recently became depressed I recently came depressed and sad all the time all i want to is die over 3 years ive seen domestic abuse and threatens to kill me i feel like everyone i know hates me all my friends distamce themselves from me and as soon as im involved in anything people make fun of me when im at school i cant wait to go home and get away but when im home i want to get to school no matter what i feel like giving up ,3.393087719298247,3.436096115789475,4.86921052631579,88.35364035087721,72.05263157894737,8.438596491228072,28.464912280701753,8.344100000000001,1.6753859649122802,341,12,80,5,6,115,60,95,0.206,0.635,0.159,-0.6956,0,0,0,0,1,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,17,17,9,2,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,3,14,4,14,15,3,14,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,0,9,44,15,2,0.0,0.1780636110044767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367206992429235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411980699692918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188644842357548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588811704981044,0.0,0.15597250668106716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436041294381502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197761640271815,0.21472782372519655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611011866943755,0.0,0.1570358258049856,0.14416743919126512,0.08541064984319657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483757078641096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014969971878728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870020273607767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626851619121855,0.0,0.0825929194400537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684369962212485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031666407965534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418896597196288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29677738195973336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30419367385290513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763261883393615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728443227336546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677886315518068
suicidewatch,AwayCommaThrow02511,2018/03/15,"Suicide was my option on Monday Throwaway for reasons.

I can't handle school anymore. Ever since my codependent relationship, it makes me feel like I'm on fire when I go. I despise being there and I despise the way it makes me feel. 

I used to love school, I got straight A's, I was the top of my class in more than one of my classes. I was the kid who would write an extra two pages for English class just to challenge myself, and so on. 

I think everyone has a plan, you know? Like in the back of their mind, someone has a picture of the life they want to lead. 

Mine was to get a career that I loved and one in which I was respected as a partner, not an apprentice. In this picture I get to spend time with my friends regularly, and play board games every week at my local game store (and have the money to facilitate that). I want to live in an apartment, either alone or with a roommate, out of nececity or out of preference, I'm not proud. 

On Monday, I didn't see any of that.

On Monday, all I wanted to do was end it.

 I didn't want my parents or the people who care about me to see me become a highschool drop out, the thing that they've warned me about my entire life. I don't want them to see me become another statistic in national poverty or homelessness when I don't find a job I love. My father even says ""if you don't graduate, you're out of my will.""

I know that I can't go to school. I'm just so terrified of the implications that follow that. 

For the first time in my life I texted the Crisis Text Line, and they talked me down from ending it, but I'm not sure how long I have. I want to feel hopeful again. ",3.7251649235720015,4.064012212389379,4.830164923572005,87.87795856798073,71.41887905604719,7.815553767766158,26.32354518637705,7.686295010490155,1.1959427728613572,1256,37,282,14,22,414,167,339,0.076,0.82,0.104,0.6276,3,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,2,4,6,14,15,2,0,22,0,21,6,0,6,3,52,54,18,1,10,12,2,4,2,2,2,3,1,0,2,16,12,0,0,9,3,3,4,10,2,0,4,9,8,50,13,49,42,5,44,0,0,3,3,22,23,0,7,17,193,66,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032612513994493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243957043492433,0.11169908146882987,0.0,0.0,0.10564259726351516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190992562587147,0.0,0.0,0.2352934705262253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086077140963027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869624372575172,0.0,0.0,0.07035770648507116,0.09635652131787592,0.08975056574476273,0.101787681517404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158430760345965,0.07610034411886167,0.0,0.0,0.09736046528152564,0.09060875661693632,0.0,0.0,0.08229972095031511,0.0,0.11130816840991184,0.0,0.12107941545202112,0.0,0.08519650065443064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580177992278232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570804582974946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708495866308123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257219004979507,0.10408391310510154,0.0,0.094062121060177,0.09426986418114533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884246046182388,0.0,0.14221040431328544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107558275894964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436603651869387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828163863614513,0.0,0.0,0.07384991871385843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095238051017831,0.0,0.11436627515880016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471168975543097,0.0,0.32342212840492474,0.25465609416461743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881172640645547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025693810578346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651931914713995,0.0,0.1003970515973804,0.0,0.0,0.08561948049462267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076941910645547,0.0682558987625638,0.0,0.0,0.12422931194672268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040578913772296,0.0,0.0,0.09200202291653188,0.0,0.0,0.3769815965774265,0.08455332319085902,0.08544665268352084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567117289569543,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jque3,2018/03/15,Why cant i just forget My life doesn't even fucking matter yet. I'm in highschool for fucksake. Why can't I just forget all the things she said to me and all the lies she swore were true. It's been too fucking long. I need help; please. Ik its petty and Ik its stupid and honestly I hate myself more than her but it follows me around like a shadow. The anxiety attacks when I'm alone in my room are getting worse. Sum1 pls understand me,1.430390720390719,3.5001105494505502,2.617069597069598,94.30848595848595,80.86813186813188,5.363125763125763,21.1001221001221,6.42735559955562,0.18370964590964525,344,10,75,3,9,110,66,91,0.217,0.634,0.15,-0.8247,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,5,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,3,15,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,1,13,3,6,13,3,8,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,4,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576739936555505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414472441300013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264873232305824,0.0,0.2589744747879472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503547184519432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42090083037184695,0.11893301500827662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247483362450094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525829484950121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078955428053987,0.111213882828988,0.0,0.0,0.2014551013038852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687929001031805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249881433570939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653869849656396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123455007755893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369822853680211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108211491164493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319856035939795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quad-amputee-squad,2018/03/15,"I cannot function anymore I'm ending my own life tonight at midnight. It's all just too much. I'm finally at peace knowing I don't have to suffer any longer.

Goodbye, Reddit. I hope that anybody that's struggling perseveres. I'm gonna tell my mom that I love her. I'm indescribably sorry. 

p.s. - I'd be happy to talk to anybody that needs support or feels lonely. Just PM me within the next 12 hours. ",0.448004434589798,2.8891086341463463,2.4270288248337017,90.93936807095345,90.70731707317071,4.445232815964523,23.30820399113082,6.11248444174946,0.623229268292683,316,13,63,3,11,105,61,82,0.077,0.69,0.232,0.9354,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,15,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,4,6,13,3,8,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,2,5,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479776717341327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033361935887396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463903950085986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253308950450825,0.0,0.0,0.2654688167259347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579727077897616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24069575495220294,0.23865356015333905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318231762984456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117009842762054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871899825643934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838226771570473,0.0,0.0,0.17814589979907922,0.1796901387893313,0.0,0.0,0.2577286133648479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712769201128623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533437061105722,0.0,0.0,0.2750016515265314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947816521736138,0.21181360127544008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madefromthebeststuff,2018/03/15,"This wasn't supposed to happen None of it.
I was supposed to be a righteous G-d-lover, but I m shredded and barely believe in anything anymore.....

I was supposed to be headed for heaven, but I believe I m going to hell becos this life feels like hell.....

I was supposed to b smart & work toward some kind of professorship, instead I've been passive-aggressively trying to end it by partying my time away for 6 years, little to show for those 6 yrs. B.A. in Art.....

I was supposed to be married, which I did to get away from the uncertainties my family likes to cultivate, but I ditched my husb after 6.5 yrs for a fling.....

I was supposed to be healthy, but I've got type 1 diabetes from age 15 & a nicoteine habit the past 5 yrs. More passive-aggressive dethwish.....

I was supposed to be a woman, but I struggle with transgendered feelings. I don't want to be a man, I hate men's fashion, but my life is a physical hell because I do seem to automatically expect to be treated male.....

I was supposed to be a victor, an overcomer, that is what my stepdad told me, but he also ate my whole freedom up from a young age by demanding I have a job (for him) from age 10.....

I feel like whatever I do, I always quit, whatever good momentum I work up in my new life learning graphic design, I always end up sleeping two days in a row away out of sheer depression.....

I was supposed to accomplish something somehow, instead I feel like if I continue forward by transitioning that I will be a sellout to the gender that I resent for taking my freedoms, and if I continue on as a woman I will become more and more isolated by my depression until I have no choice but to mercifully end my own suffering. 

Anyone been there?",5.5275222551928795,5.5788304985163215,6.9482655786350165,75.25865949554898,67.45697329376854,9.82605341246291,35.544362017804154,9.642632912329526,3.4146345400593483,1326,63,252,26,20,456,173,337,0.132,0.7390000000000001,0.129,-0.2187,1,0,1,0,0,0,77.0,0,0,0,5,5,18,5,1,16,0,30,7,2,0,0,25,44,16,0,4,10,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,0,5,10,5,1,0,6,2,0,2,4,9,0,1,15,4,42,9,53,18,7,32,4,3,0,0,8,15,3,5,21,178,52,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242183381394972,0.19232813363778287,0.25044157450295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461506323014035,0.08080970903229802,0.0,0.09510482523285203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257473844142668,0.0,0.0,0.07045081595312631,0.1276387399617457,0.0,0.2604171682477839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453352991206151,0.0,0.1990817206453357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070839670663741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894975484517344,0.0,0.23374404028547505,0.247691158082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038091210740771,0.0,0.06568148274169036,0.09693520607810577,0.0924324331513444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219877371174473,0.0,0.0,0.11410212325107245,0.11860886338003665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468607049190385,0.0,0.0,0.12034908233486025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448929746915163,0.225847992964892,0.11583218634178162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161888625885298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032529446457873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292364774367652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052112096969622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565414723235087,0.0,0.0,0.08897195840556361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208195714452348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689477101809563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673901949243721,0.0,0.0,0.11043274072546652,0.0,0.07846490781512781,0.0,0.11289576467006487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816658344194157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290305408237594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827366800821414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442373101899248
suicidewatch,tcw42099,2018/03/15,I don’t want to be alive I have no one. Left an abusive relationship to move in with my abusive parents. I have four kids. Can’t afford to work. No child support. I’m constantly alone and belittled. I have no one to talk to. I just can’t do it anymore.,-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444509,1.3907407407407426,95.77833333333334,102.88888888888887,4.622222222222223,20.814814814814817,6.42735559955562,0.3996814814814815,195,8,45,3,9,67,35,54,0.325,0.568,0.107,-0.9246,2,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,11,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,6,1,7,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,31,7,1,0.0,0.5557123725028926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428817959834124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325710589687416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534221662603645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547959695389815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492471817638076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178203003521598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26039577468497915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517761434589288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661193447853625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849037947559955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383201653480781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072618581836332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReeceFlood,2018/03/15,"I'm so sorry I was ""abused"" when I was a boy, it's not an excuse.
Happened from when I was maybe 5 or 6 until I was 13 I think.
I first tried when I was 12, I think it was more a cry for help at that time but the humiliation I felt after it has never left me. 

I stood on the balcony and threatened to jump, he laughed and said do it, I never felt so bad climbing down from there, I can't describe it, humiliation just doesn't cut it. The worst part is I was jealous that he was doing more and more with a different younger boy.

It's my fault this other boy ended up involved, To make it worse I used to bully him terribly because of my jealousy.
The whole thing was and is a mess. 

So many things happened in those years and all the years that have followed, things normal people would consider terrible. I won't list it all here but you get the idea.

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place. 

I have bad thoughts, I have good thoughts too but the bad ones win.

I can feel myself getting close to trying again. Maybe not today, but soon.

It's not a cry for help, I just wanted him and the world to know how sorry I am.
",1.0501772915880778,2.7243006058091304,2.734554884949077,94.96841852131271,80.28630705394191,5.3776688042248235,20.498113919275745,6.11248444174946,-0.10539170124481334,870,23,205,6,22,287,133,241,0.295,0.63,0.075,-0.9966,2,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,3,14,14,2,0,15,0,23,0,0,3,5,40,44,20,0,4,12,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,20,8,0,0,9,0,0,3,9,10,0,2,15,4,27,4,19,27,8,30,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,2,15,146,47,0,0.0,0.14566394222982715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30794960203923866,0.07494315778508126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700879041993972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128446261880699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088884582611316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216222003763532,0.0,0.23608359499534026,0.0,0.0,0.10457280567085116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846228001910806,0.0,0.0,0.10311634217088828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743108919609952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480834572589734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878443434610666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675646763425812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357480316717552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820634866313057,0.1246419883291399,0.2470197553064297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963800348142235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045521770874218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833074089415246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313217259183308,0.0,0.08523120156169285,0.0,0.128446261880699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774265387743225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499019315902786,0.11694420981130853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752428044926972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586961082585776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502786445725602,0.15755013320319008,0.0,0.19520144995594946,0.07168737427746545,0.0,0.11653286142673598,0.0,0.0,0.1669365467929696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618079336911868,0.0,0.0,0.07251326971086182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725825668908034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528648822708188,0.08733313593035041,0.0,0.0,0.158338816697929
suicidewatch,curioushair-,2018/03/15,"I dont have anything to look forward to anymore Lately ive been trying to trick my brain into thinking that i have something to look forward to. But it seems like all the universe wants to do is go against me and screws me up. I've been trying to be a good person, spreading kindness, i dont want other people to be in the same place as i am. I want to help people that's all. But the universe doesnt let me do that. I'm tired, and I dont know what to do anymore. I'm done trying. I dont know what to do with myself, and I'll only hurt the people I love. they're better off without me. Back then i didnt really understand why people would want to take their own life but now I understand. There is nowhere else for me to go",1.4896445959104199,2.7908490063291147,3.339873417721517,92.76466893865627,77.92405063291139,5.6210321324245385,22.280428432327167,5.873414542411696,0.16813573515092495,565,16,129,3,13,190,86,158,0.07,0.845,0.085,0.6145,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,2,0,5,0,23,5,1,0,2,23,41,8,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,4,2,19,5,22,33,4,13,0,1,2,2,4,7,1,1,7,89,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045361218235705,0.0,0.0,0.09561243475857084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934103630084395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027584255980012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297037054595042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890017939025806,0.5446836644800939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705976980495733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206409807515798,0.09745258502141686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787805010322797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438115051436208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209914297704937,0.12770725235400748,0.0,0.13106459103169554,0.0,0.0,0.1188096181249312,0.08206668627028738,0.05676335674830391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513651991420333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048637792239906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836584976132421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221992069076063,0.10145046686226288,0.12139123627821916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443270483611948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057727607236721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894468345593018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735856045670659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444827574311526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354047021033374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23665111189499435,0.0,0.0,0.24191062599726246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27412165454696397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484117114633684,0.0,0.0,0.1120006296982878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825362854738868,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwinthisshitAway6,2018/03/15,"Is it time to seek out help? Hey all. 

Here’s the deal. Ive always been depressed and I’ve always wanted to die, but it’s never been quite so prominent. There was once where I (not intentionally but did not care whenever I realized what was happening) where I took Xanax and drank and almost died. This was a couple years ago, again not intentional. 

I’ve told two people that I want to die recently, but that I didn’t feel I’d act on it. One person told me to call an ambulance, another told me that if it got too serious that I need to get help. I’m not sure what “too serious” is. As of lately it’s nearly all I can think about, I’ve been googling things related and been lurking in subs like this. 

I’ve been way more depressed but there’s no real reason. I don’t think I would act on it mainly because I don’t want my friends or family to find me weak or anything. 

I don’t know if I should continue until it gets to a point where I’m on the verge or if I should wait to see if it gets any better? Should I reach out again and say that I think I’m going to get help? Should I do it alone? I’m at a loss. Frankly I don’t care what happens to me I’m just worried about the affect on others ",1.6177408637873754,2.8945802868217068,3.562668881506092,91.40220930232559,77.52713178294574,7.08482834994463,21.20044296788483,7.793537801064563,0.609714064230344,926,23,219,14,21,314,130,258,0.181,0.713,0.107,-0.9635,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,3,14,12,0,0,7,0,24,3,0,4,4,50,55,19,3,13,16,0,1,1,1,5,2,1,0,1,21,7,1,1,8,0,0,4,11,6,0,2,16,3,23,6,24,34,4,29,0,3,1,0,12,14,0,8,11,138,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027452669817433,0.0,0.11327387300310872,0.11715875623145372,0.0,0.0,0.18825068975987466,0.0,0.0,0.07692584112177547,0.11861674141536395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930885596971216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895722662343044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004591829311496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155087112463157,0.0,0.2306678438044253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516571754855946,0.0,0.0,0.11662230183098292,0.19486109765225065,0.0,0.3522037597052849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663997050686287,0.0,0.05719714008907264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339011729116973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739664274897642,0.0,0.2364032372706781,0.0,0.06428900544452375,0.0,0.09047282354278388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006422648578948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746692523107945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216808626686361,0.0,0.1276048877663283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526497820723921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387744145290768,0.08724552827080446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204696751847698,0.07665340035798544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784235339846717,0.09877248565686224,0.0,0.0,0.10693546693513087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031761052248376,0.0,0.12875593114331774,0.0,0.11630674753767085,0.11169287881340594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995798771525702,0.0,0.0,0.09014241858321292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661476309019262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751522552905545,0.2174492087256312,0.0,0.0,0.06596149215204175,0.0,0.0,0.3242745492366978,0.12568107377559085,0.0,0.0,0.11050232312935578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016426264012727,0.08978981331676017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487939168551932,0.0,0.08035758065271789,0.0,0.0,0.07284591408355655
suicidewatch,Drakefoxaroo,2018/03/15,"Facing criminal charges and financial troubles It just keeps getting fucking worse and worse. If I have to go back to jail I will kill myself. If the charges turn out to be bad enough I will kill myself. This is not an exaggeration. I would rather be dead than go back to jail. I still have nightmares about jail and have panic attacks if I see anyone who even resembles someone I was in jail with.

God is probably just trying to heap on as much shit as possible to torture me and the only way out is suicide. I wish I was fucking dead. My entire day is usually constant terror about losing my job, house, car, etc. Nothing is getting better and I just want it to stop. I will kill myself if things don't get better.

I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop I want it to stop ",-1.4536740678676168,0.5153672857142872,1.2105013266303608,99.65602848764141,94.75757575757576,4.1927663734115335,16.542521994134898,5.843745405466311,-0.6806487641390868,797,21,199,7,31,272,85,231,0.403,0.493,0.104,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,5,14.0,0,0,0,3,10,15,8,2,3,0,17,4,2,0,0,58,47,11,6,26,9,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,23,8,0,20,0,0,0,3,2,13,0,0,2,1,35,2,35,39,3,33,0,1,1,2,1,4,3,4,25,134,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033611640270447884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054686529771768994,0.0,0.07392567853666587,0.04013641654534419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502796309762499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194655972642319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031001153518441724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049669128278620335,0.053610722577247256,0.0317497614144435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887982419865709,0.07534372495307096,0.0,0.05463854273899114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546629066275182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477020272881371,0.04272679746343512,0.15954689686955084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053777999910240216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03533695849323032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612443207091348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365593778265434,0.0,0.056399751809727026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419166782628845,0.0,0.0,0.05182755727206666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830554195308717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934313278086832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04072952905968963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838873963851575,0.7635842897591285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258074442605745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03193555168751105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263635381092438,0.0522863230423481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529422799940011,0.0,0.5387053543752405,0.038155704218097664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055278092457549007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979748110538838,0.034147527050206176,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wehttam266,2018/03/15,This is it I’m currently sat in my car. I have driven to the woods. Already taken half of the packet of tablets. Going to take the other half shortly. Finishing it off with some spirits. I can’t go on anymore ,0.007519379844961094,2.359475837209306,2.5724418604651156,89.38408914728683,92.95348837209305,4.7271317829457375,23.44573643410853,6.42735559955562,0.9011736434108526,163,7,32,2,6,56,35,43,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,8,7,1,10,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477660454309451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922741157852144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642067094654754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732148756346266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outofmytyme,2018/03/15,"I just want to die I’m really depressed. I’m almost 30 years old and I hate myself. I’ve been poor my whole life. I’ve been in group homes and juvi growing up. Expelled from high school. I got a felony when I was 18 and lived homeless for years drifting along through food stamps and welfare. I’ve been countlessly humiliated and emasculated as far back as I can remember. I’ve had dozens of jobs over the years but 3 years ago the stress of being homeless among other events lead me to a psychotic episode. My family abandoned me, my friends are all gone. I fought like hell on ssi, to turn my life around, get expungement, work... I’ve recently discovered that I am never eligible for expungement due to my 1 felony and several misdemeanors (all for weed,not that it matters). A few years ago I connected with my father and I live with him now and I go to community college but I’m struggling to see the point. I’ve become so bitter and angry at the world and resentful of the people I used to call friends. I really hate what I’ve become and I don’t want to live anymore. Every day I wake up and think about if today is going to be the day I put a hose around my exhaust and kill myself. I’ve told what little family and friends and professionals like my therapist this or hints of it and everyone just says it’s just the depression talking and I’ll be fine. I can’t stand the life I have any longer I wish I could just start over again somewhere else ",2.53049930476552,4.610839832764508,3.8251573758058406,86.96644545569461,77.29351535836177,7.480672481355074,24.16243205663001,8.401726058763845,1.5285763873088103,1153,39,238,23,27,377,168,293,0.227,0.685,0.08800000000000001,-0.9939,1,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,2,12,19,7,2,12,0,16,6,1,2,3,44,36,25,2,5,8,1,0,2,3,0,4,1,1,0,9,22,1,1,2,0,1,7,3,13,0,1,9,3,32,6,34,23,4,43,1,3,1,0,11,15,1,3,22,139,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831613091513893,0.0,0.10345294839609227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025631649125852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024586383345778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839407737715968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944124494383034,0.0,0.0,0.22820196799023676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549402458885002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248694604685318,0.0,0.0,0.133256550576175,0.0,0.17796650317828314,0.0,0.10722248185363556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630467326686435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704557625584082,0.09871990577335664,0.0,0.0,0.19478841984160847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492637186476785,0.0,0.2394578767176109,0.0,0.053976727504853286,0.0,0.11743020674336585,0.0,0.08262876599057856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400020468364985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915575382670882,0.103631264886975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252211434852496,0.0,0.11430041960278292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189188752111484,0.100946931309178,0.1035466696385776,0.27368155722207965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968127949277093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084095121360158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716241583276028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766408660052188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385800228806794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236978171613478,0.0,0.10200902751667328,0.0,0.11703337895387853,0.0,0.0,0.08215856679207377,0.0,0.10455817300345736,0.08232700737381997,0.0,0.0,0.11671417304435823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312540418063537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834458082474175,0.10800507739187533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830389976546198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995424271355405,0.0,0.06619873636834872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792855156636084,0.09871990577335664,0.0,0.0,0.11237477093860578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922917683045252,0.0,0.0,0.121873253349915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153451661919076,0.11880473929690917,0.0,0.0,0.07521302351448919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33265061001072704
suicidewatch,Andronic123,2018/03/15,"I need help Do you guys know some way to kill myself without feeling any or minimum pain?If yes please tell me how.

Update:I decided to give this world another chance,so I won't kill myself.At least for a month or two",1.1773333333333331,3.5164809555555583,2.6044444444444466,92.42000000000004,83.8888888888889,6.2666666666666675,22.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,0.9604666666666666,173,6,37,3,5,56,39,45,0.213,0.634,0.153,-0.6212,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,6,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912702781605798,0.260787488732803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257520510894387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385792277538217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462557399738085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670083130188434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503075370583146,0.0,0.1366810359432084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985129010873168,0.0,0.0,0.1844106241397998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646382457444663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730019514896439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173779745270125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294735299744796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740940148295202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23974146826083945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riverdaledaily18,2018/03/15,"I’m going to give myself one more month (14th April) if things don’t get any better I will kill myself. I hate everything about my life. Everyone is up against me and I’m sick of everyday being worse than the last. I can’t take much more of this. So I’ve set a date, the 14th if April. I’m going to start gathering paracetamol to overdose on. If it doesn’t get any better I will kill myself on this day. ",0.12174418604651295,2.295478151162793,2.1709767441860457,94.81530232558138,87.25581395348837,5.765581395348837,16.73953488372093,7.1686216300943375,0.005943255813953385,315,7,72,5,10,105,56,86,0.211,0.726,0.063,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,3,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,4,18,5,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,9,2,11,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,8,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923940945122638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802731989976597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864742129056928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542720498681488,0.19321449062733045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246413867353902,0.2062330254641017,0.2443616509085453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225299769385814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756976932641468,0.0,0.0,0.17524131896004766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185013363880567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159882932950565,0.0,0.15803857648147704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567927540420952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216735952774094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164182669877558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282635922986314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908789451932864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mae42dolphins,2018/03/15,"Goodbye I drove around all night trying to find somewhere to hang from but I failed. 
So I came home and I just took so many pils. My vision is blurry. 
This isn't my first attempt 
I don't know if I'm having second thoughts but i always rethink those second thoughts within a week of an attempt. I need to go. I'm in limbo. This is just going to keep happening until I finally do something that works 
Sorry this post makes no sense I just really want someone to know 
I always try to tell people but I'm shit at expressing myself so nobody usually gets it 
I'm sorry if this is triggering to anybody or anything 
I'm going to go to sleep now ",1.0249999999999986,3.3764339242424266,3.1283636363636376,88.30754545454548,84.75757575757575,5.3381818181818215,20.921212121212122,6.742157984588678,0.5955266666666668,506,16,99,6,15,171,82,132,0.131,0.8340000000000001,0.035,-0.9054,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,5,8,2,1,0,2,0,7,2,2,2,1,24,29,11,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,6,0,0,8,3,2,0,3,5,0,13,0,16,24,1,20,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,3,7,64,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640492217532906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057036748982406,0.14124829249804827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147409314751434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738132019447941,0.14501981396476016,0.13496304675795026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289755923458272,0.0,0.3606990630753663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030972043616574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915709078047216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410315414788142,0.0,0.0,0.17439973067398226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059122217510566,0.16086459946210105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765042224572092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889930966383966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000051655698692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196022712331705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164687938607823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287057515684414,0.0,0.0,0.15878273756223604,0.0,0.1344390080232419,0.12215049317277844,0.0,0.355232005627366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868295608952952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519295743153992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762861520555034,0.21545051627806175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174750550011306,0.0,0.09358658542033213,0.0,0.12727401867118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551230243522667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biggestboyontheblock,2018/03/15,"I couldn't bring myself to do it. 5:00 am, parents are sleeping, and I'm at the bridge. I'm just looking down at it, thinking about how cold that water is, thinking about how my parents would cry. I thought about everything that happened, and I don't know why, but as soon as I saw the first car, I just climbed back over the ledge. Today was not the day. I just felt that life was worth living, I also feel like the biggest coward in the world. ",4.00992673992674,4.5401291318681345,4.199725274725279,91.96610805860807,70.86813186813188,6.506227106227107,27.25457875457875,5.46131890053228,0.7103172161172159,345,11,76,1,6,107,61,91,0.069,0.867,0.064,-0.1154,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,11,1,0,0,6,0,9,3,1,2,0,17,21,8,0,2,5,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,6,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,5,5,9,1,11,14,0,15,0,0,2,0,2,7,0,0,6,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797096399771537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279690228606806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468459299528439,0.14492672644525373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196512396520735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362590308224285,0.16054102877233795,0.21576780613696733,0.0,0.0,0.19114792674715345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872041131337245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350101655374017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872738615473495,0.10978753566767432,0.0,0.19843313270598245,0.0,0.18870939693666527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990530902689615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488371311513014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879848267179281,0.0,0.17840370743499373,0.0,0.0,0.21300963206195106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027761301662825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596356506103289,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoygbivKoon,2018/03/15,"Let’s make it snappy My suicide will be quick. I think I’m going insane. I’m freezing cold but the sun is above me. I’m physically dying but I’m mentally numb. It’s so cold out here. There’s this noise that the swing keeps making. It’s like a metronome. But it’s more menacing. Like it knows that the person on it is going to die. Perhaps all furniture is alive. Kind of like Beauty and The Beast. That’s a really good movie. I watched it four, no five times last night. The beast is so angry but it’s because he’s sad. I’m not angry but I’m sad. How do you know if you’re just sad? Maybe I’m just sad. I don’t like the word depression. Just sad. It’s freezing out here. My fingers hurt and I can’t feel my toes. I think my ADHD is kicking in. Haha never mind. It’s always been here. 
I wish I was warm again. I hope death isn’t so cold. I hope Hell is warm.",-1.979641765704585,-0.17251015263157754,0.7119015280135841,100.87508488964347,103.15789473684212,3.714770797962649,13.497453310696097,5.642373280135919,-1.088804753820034,661,14,163,6,31,224,102,190,0.29600000000000004,0.516,0.188,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,0,0,13,20,1,0,8,1,15,3,2,3,2,30,35,12,4,4,10,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,2,10,15,11,6,30,2,12,1,7,1,0,3,4,1,3,10,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017365944912827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967400180576214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232665610104257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457864319153493,0.0,0.34842693808503816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848756884585758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079882626731348,0.1407940470559994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33344818111149066,0.0,0.0,0.17969893312270632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920278611982565,0.0,0.17480165408373555,0.18450429912527225,0.1368293177214893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164949458560474,0.0,0.32803409860583244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409736720877133,0.0,0.16863918133722205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916465221951613,0.0,0.16949200423111596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946493942502865,0.0,0.0,0.1575264059387799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656996325053334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753621101891583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361295557749327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151174139898007,0.0,0.0,0.09788124108025238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303214599956456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mydingointernet,2018/03/15,"No Friends, No one cares... I'm physically sick, but getting better, but nothing else is going right, I've lost all my friends - my own fault really, I ruined every meaningful relationship I had - and now am just feeling totally and utterly lost and alone, I feel like hurting myself all the time and all I can think about is not wanting to be here... My friends are all sick of me and I dont want to be a burden to everyone in my life anymore, I want it all to stop and dont know what else to do, I spent two days in hospital and it didnt really help or do anything... ",2.6620512820512845,3.8847461452991454,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,74.72649572649573,8.276923076923078,27.52991452991453,8.841846274778883,2.0164632478632485,437,17,95,9,9,150,74,117,0.29100000000000004,0.556,0.153,-0.9536,0,2,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,12,0,0,2,0,13,3,0,0,6,27,27,10,0,3,5,0,2,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,6,6,0,2,5,2,13,6,9,20,7,8,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,1,5,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330885010812632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156376117258324,0.0,0.0,0.12975714433435795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394550812931367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076519391432506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016905080774788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369599399110454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26344269114038943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285213878162594,0.15066992702493576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594554172112683,0.11264657101950876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36546936028707,0.0,0.08238125361335179,0.0,0.0896131359827596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568953100336216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879962256498052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665676393497439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137399525809674,0.07703444738219127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442525326026007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129814215739265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684799900581116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020275971217488,0.0,0.0,0.1692892310288434,0.0,0.13465779570878145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182747901944186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103493008452577,0.0,0.0,0.09194443318846143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403037643111198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27901111804159145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kodadaze,2018/03/15,"I'm getting tired of living, and I've been contemplating leaving everything behind for good. Even if nobody sees it sometimes, I try my hardest to overcome my depression

Sometimes I wanna get fucked up because living is too hard

But despite everything, I really tried my best to be a better person. I give my friends 110 percent, because I want to be there for them no matter what

It's been four years of struggling, and I realized that no matter how hopeful I am, I will always be a fundamentally broken person. And inherently empty on the inside

And sometimes knowing all that can be painful

I wish I could go away for good.",7.036029055690073,7.458299745762713,7.5842857142857145,70.71144067796614,64.2542372881356,9.454721549636805,36.34866828087167,9.23628265651192,3.511056658595642,502,23,82,8,7,166,80,118,0.201,0.61,0.189,-0.3892,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,4,10,1,1,3,0,11,3,0,1,1,17,22,7,0,6,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,2,15,6,13,14,3,5,0,1,1,1,5,3,1,2,1,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645547119568826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427856244351236,0.0,0.0,0.18528524057227466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594885083885384,0.13440964019944635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133976400070558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308959449378688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037813097401638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731708701532617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174155978269219,0.14049854608201512,0.1588014514017555,0.14578837963305305,0.08637096083482451,0.25493903420586045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613985320819638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509455815565356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083521549400305,0.0,0.0,0.16091970463802982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683936239301841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171223873617985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653976191182097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735915101728664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110449136945295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509218279052829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887738884361394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467303969072273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636225605506506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896388611058358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476388349089889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786699216737996
suicidewatch,SoapySpongeee,2018/03/15,"I don’t want to wake up I’ve been in bed for the past 3 days. I’ve been faking at home sick so I don’t have to go to school. My depression is at an all time worst. My dog passed away a few weeks ago. My parents are the main cause of my sadness, and have recently told me I’m not allowed to go away to college next year. I have no friends at this point, as I don’t feel any urge to go outside of my house anymore. I just want my pain to end. I’m too scared to kill myself. I just wanna go back to sleep and not wake up.",-0.4717045454545463,0.8415382083333363,1.7428787878787908,101.99727272727274,83.58333333333334,5.03030303030303,18.409090909090907,5.565023196281405,-0.7260000000000004,395,9,109,2,11,133,75,120,0.233,0.723,0.044,-0.9781,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,4,0,10,5,3,2,1,13,20,4,1,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,7,0,0,3,1,14,1,22,17,4,24,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,0,10,65,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684810610210131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203263968183986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547858170522124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324850294556466,0.1360572150697407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817678262935284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411273308980595,0.0,0.15239959302789013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671779225335894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946702011799132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367046880821476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40224009343919737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774869125558871,0.0,0.0,0.20416691972816445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575973140216016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881794634423748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827840222797415,0.0,0.1964727744989712,0.0,0.1689108364402502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726706189703244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174708543473915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714947001572015,0.1790744070248282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706944578400616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317610524213758,0.0,0.0,0.16907533940293895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087295516831672,0.0,0.14193192720320627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394462818731273
suicidewatch,revolver14,2018/03/15,Being ugly is the worst curse Liking someone and knowing they will never look at you that way hurts. Knowing you are stuck like this forever is even worse.,6.121724137931036,7.5028792758620755,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,66.58620689655173,7.179310344827586,28.29310344827586,7.1686216300943375,1.637675862068965,125,4,21,1,2,38,26,29,0.422,0.464,0.115,-0.9313,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,6,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24228402300287125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926930525939615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031941380015766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584236959505797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30804006620288765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829175520590934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108090806346905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29116809407779803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738253504525935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohgeeohgoshohgolly,2018/03/15,"Divorcing, completely broke, positive pregnancy test I was told by every doctor I've seen that I'd never be able to have kids and until this morning, I believed that was correct. 


This morning I got a very clear positive on a home test. 


My husband and I are in the process of separating. We live in poverty as it is. We couldn't afford a child even if we were staying together. Our car's alternator just died so I can't even get to a doctor.


I don't have the money or the means to abort or to even carry to term. 


I already wanted to die before I got the positive. Now I feel like it's my only way out of this.",3.196423611111112,3.984536281250002,5.35197916666667,82.02288194444445,72.90625,8.501388888888886,28.284722222222214,8.841846274778883,2.1327211805555555,476,18,100,9,9,167,83,128,0.107,0.762,0.131,0.4828,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,8,0,11,2,0,0,3,17,19,8,2,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,2,15,1,15,10,1,11,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,3,5,68,22,4,0.18216302611942198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010214290933802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500731828678616,0.20523535034319326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190994467089608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781129225583289,0.0,0.0,0.3729031522831253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36095088219438587,0.0,0.1534802061325065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210709939249788,0.13013730225760872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517266264576116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913848257936641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827243678630716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899565315208653,0.0,0.16085328944479865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984289383650787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049535573764138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854318994415668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941615482814445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740645778820922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503035742039404,0.10744447248649824,0.1445925311426659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ELYSIUMgrgm,2018/03/15,"Today. Today, I asked and pray to God to give me courage. So, I can finally kill myself. There's only silence. In the end, I still can't. If  only I can give my life to other people who wants to live more, I would be more than willing to do it. Everything hurts. I don't want to feel happy. I don't want to feel agony. I don't want to feel again. I don't want to see hear or taste again. The only thing I want to be in the void. A place where I can't feel or see anything. I will not feel freedom but I will be in the void.

They think it's about some guy or because of work. They immediately think it's because of love issues or work. Is it wrong for me to just want to die? Plain and simple.",-1.2111351909184729,0.7393483267973872,1.278630890952872,100.23804953560374,91.87581699346407,4.005366357069144,14.588579291365669,5.399115186594226,-1.1440248366013073,526,10,133,3,19,178,79,153,0.168,0.7440000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.7937,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,2,2,8,6,1,0,5,0,17,3,0,0,0,26,38,9,2,9,8,0,5,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,7,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,9,19,3,20,31,3,12,1,1,2,1,9,5,0,6,7,87,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416124213023917,0.0,0.11833144975771652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431907857040372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136587787373805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210874376282776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375832431154455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200030797210477,0.0,0.0,0.13865779319809932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24284641714318456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253301151081145,0.0,0.1347424786407012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266032264463305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550219872423885,0.0,0.0,0.13211243201993875,0.0,0.0,0.1400375621126987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940435416178445,0.0,0.0,0.1117689045580545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142397589395442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888001972633128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775184339154635,0.0,0.1322449531422607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172932783150024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010837368266516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409145318632577,0.16220954722967776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399584475759349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226045250587557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429763405413965,0.0,0.0,0.0899159407192631,0.13839095800426227,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redditname1171,2018/03/15,"My girlfriend left and so did my will to live So a couple of months ago I got blindsided by the love of my life breaking up with me and I had to move out of her place. It wasn't that I did anything wrong just for her ""the feels just aren't there"" which I am really struggling to come to terms with. 
Since then I have lost all my motivation and interest in life. We used to work together too but I couldn't bear seeing her so I quit my job.
The only thing that gives me any kind of focus is researching ways to kill myself (which I have done a lot if). I have now got a very well thought through plan which leaves a tidy body and is peaceful and has a back up built in to increase the chance of completion. Knowing this has brought me some level of piece having an exit when/if I need it. 
At this stage I am not about to do anything because of the effect it would have on my family. Everyday though I regret not having already done it and wish that I had. 
I don't want a future that doesn't involve her and spend most of my day thinking about how I would do it and what letters I would write.

No idea what I am trying to achieve by posting but since I spent the whole day here I thought I should post. 
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suicidewatch,huffleepuff,2018/03/15,"How can I keep going? I honestly can't stop thinking about killing myself. How I'm going to do it. Doing it so no one has to find me. At this point I'm in not only chronic physical pain but also chronic emotional/mental pain. Doctors keep telling me I just have to live through the physical pain. My parents tell me it's not as bad as it is and I should power through it. My partner is there with me in the hospital but doesn't even hold my hand. I feel like I disgust him and disappoint everyone else. 

I've tried reaching out for help but it doesnt seem that's coming my way. I get told that I'm a strong person and can get through it. The thing is, I've gotten through it previously and that's taken it's toll. My strength is waivering and I don't have much fight left. I'm self harming again but I can barely feel it over my normal pain. 

The only thing at this point keeping me here is my dog as I know no one will take care of him and he'll go to a different person. But even that is slowing becoming less of a tie. 

I don't feel happiness and certainly don't feel as if I'm loved. I'm just a burden people deal with and people just tolerate me. 

How do I keep going?",1.2527368785726658,2.9928046772908417,3.2397921358046062,91.2722050926728,79.91633466135458,6.436930538714707,23.662047462324608,7.423996415210882,0.921652901437727,918,32,206,13,23,310,125,251,0.163,0.677,0.16,-0.4649,3,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,14,19,3,0,8,0,23,9,1,3,1,43,54,23,1,3,11,1,5,1,1,3,7,0,0,4,18,12,0,6,8,0,0,5,10,11,0,2,3,5,28,8,24,48,2,18,0,1,0,1,15,9,0,2,4,136,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657761061543819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039479951659507,0.0,0.11956760293351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038099787078884,0.0,0.0,0.09325869592733244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161404934280013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311143785679327,0.0,0.11081142066705542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904395610200894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143012932632685,0.0,0.0,0.10344961175485774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896341663435676,0.07734286640727972,0.0,0.0,0.098950110499609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131255436364455,0.0,0.24611265986788464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524761540837605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256617936133547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38491530865292495,0.11977659357244315,0.0,0.059498326985462875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762769757916715,0.0,0.0,0.0528916674401708,0.0,0.0955979128265138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771127810196904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958551244636043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060744211072774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672316144555198,0.1646772638682511,0.4607964161086949,0.0,0.12021287264063885,0.0,0.0,0.15011139472255666,0.18906155880533648,0.0,0.0,0.2046864158159186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855826020353156,0.1129415662771492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905124319926558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814000473618263,0.0,0.18925267457322745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384980228531585,0.06937034149617388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344961175485774,0.0,0.07350324004033168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593386081970816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Favoura,2018/03/15,Help. I'm 10k in debt which nobody knows about. I lost the girl I love and all other girls seem disgusting to me. The workload at school is mounting and I cannot cope. My dad is abusive. I need help because I am this fucking close to doing it. Somebody please talk to me,-0.18339285714285936,2.1268803035714288,1.2578571428571443,98.51214285714286,94.17857142857142,3.5142857142857147,19.5,5.148860815047168,-0.423885714285714,211,7,46,1,8,67,44,56,0.19,0.628,0.182,-0.128,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,7,12,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,1,6,11,1,3,0,1,0,2,7,3,1,1,0,28,12,1,0.0,0.35741655891396784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388851186951752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788788624399325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043913058230545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657838841434053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292964068211041,0.0,0.2722590033887633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367630839371572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311309691527955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052949885116329,0.0,0.27461900222757585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424620582663241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImJustDepressed,2018/03/15,Life is just life Life has just been a downward spiral. I'm 16 cripplingly depressed and am currently sitting in my bed contemplating if I should end it all. This started back in grade 9 everything was looking good I was doing well in school making new friends since all my friends went to Res instead of Mary's which was torture because of my extreme social anxiety. Ended up meeting a nice girl we became friends she introduced me to her friends and life was good. Even though she was my best friend my pecimism makes feel that she was my friend only because I was that one looser with no friends. One day I asked her about the scars on her forearms she said that she had cut herself (this was when I was happy) and I felt horrible I talked with her and we started to talk less from then on. The second semester was when stuff kicked off. Idk what it was my stress the jackasses at school or just my mental health detoriorating but I just fell into a deep depression I could never focus on anything and my only escape was video games. I tried talking to my family apparently I was too young to be depressed I tried talking to my friend but it only made them feel worse life was horrible. Somehow I got through the semester and had summer off mostly barricaded in my room. For the most part gaming helped but the grade 10 started and did it start with a bang. within a week my dog who is older than me had a stroke he couldn't walk he looked like he was gonna die (I would like to state I don't believe in god) as soon as he was getting better my 4 year old cat died of cancer it was out of nowhere and hit me hard it was overnight at 11 he started acting strange I woke my dad up he said we'd take him to the vet in the morning. When I woke up he was dead he died the exact same way my monty died (my other cat) who had died years prior. From here I sank into the worst part of my life so far. I would ball my eyes out at school I couldn't get anything done I had to drop a course because I had a 20 in gym I would just sulk on the benches I would be made fun of and bullied. This went on for months until my parents finally seeing how sad I was finally did something. They got me a new kitten. He really helped along with the counseling I was getting. Life was hell but at the same time decent. Then with my fucking luck the only thing I'm good at sports was taken away from me when some jackass kid who I saw almost stab someone cut my leg it damaged something I can't remember it still hurts. I told the vp what happened nothings gonna happen tho nothing happened when I said he had knives on school property. That leads up to now just balling my eyes out contemplating taking my own life knowing that I'm telling my story to a bunch of strangers who are just going to laugh at me. This is just a summary,2.665106314777219,4.449619211169285,3.5919036934145403,90.13848915482424,75.91099476439791,6.352943690565232,24.95740285643053,7.127189543769624,0.9515950350820952,2220,76,466,24,49,710,279,573,0.185,0.7240000000000001,0.091,-0.997,3,0,2,0,1,0,28.0,3,0,2,3,28,34,5,1,26,0,54,16,4,6,4,67,99,29,6,9,14,2,5,2,8,7,11,3,2,2,27,22,0,0,5,7,0,7,6,13,1,3,49,14,77,21,68,36,14,83,1,6,6,1,58,36,2,8,38,314,104,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060340474320890534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609780979647448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991757003986029,0.0,0.056333834778150425,0.0,0.056615117272266285,0.04633529034087767,0.0,0.11019959815967646,0.0,0.0,0.0678910218108296,0.06323788295717803,0.05329400331804618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811174091135748,0.0,0.0,0.03886193478675114,0.0,0.15570242387717448,0.0,0.3126955545114185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061665664086079125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674280525172557,0.0,0.0,0.03980036281066198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054156715391614665,0.0,0.05680662478781218,0.0,0.06093731010112718,0.0,0.05785788871966752,0.13202111913135425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724463364915176,0.05570828081947666,0.0944481928382236,0.0,0.034246459305178126,0.15162664353582478,0.09638891901527882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598599482927096,0.06414660299426217,0.053980040254774986,0.0,0.0,0.06405227647277739,0.0,0.0,0.08078039414191122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450828153155115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03311665535495234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405005263509856,0.05887880249785357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012044149105942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403664913425575,0.08044642115104565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607266878046067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048097991674221546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647529406973246,0.11639663072121255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563986934547275,0.0,0.06323146400949384,0.0,0.08166583190429139,0.18331810215954056,0.0,0.0,0.06691025570250904,0.13050879586915615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860332420842835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826146288664214,0.0,0.17195972666730244,0.0,0.0,0.2439404521946969,0.04801845429611161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049846694198258684,0.0,0.0,0.06142624834570711,0.05105707764297103,0.09278032180915163,0.0,0.0,0.21325741032882156,0.0,0.04812274793226971,0.0,0.06902624092385579,0.0,0.0689818983324914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061422231307556,0.19373493296399244,0.05266883891017499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003326283716159,0.0,0.0592039557150651,0.0,0.035137385328553795,0.0,0.0,0.05757985665590722,0.0,0.08182352651639217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047830623082595856,0.048335966984403525,0.0,0.05417988944876806,0.11172100499985492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614088555713794,0.17122446344643455,0.0,0.0,0.0776093708391168
suicidewatch,-storks-,2018/03/15,I’m so tired of waiting to feel better I keep trying to get better. Really. I do everything I should be doing. I study all the time when I’m not working but my grades still manage to slip and I still manage to lack at my job. I thought it’d get better by now but it’s only getting worse. I’m so stressed. I’m so tired. The only way I can get out of bed anymore is by taking aderal and it’s starting to fry my brain. I’m losing everything I liked about myself. I keep thinking about my family and how my death would effect them; how unfair it would be for me to do that to them. But I’m reaching my breaking point. I can’t keep waiting for something to change. ,0.3853755868544617,2.398590823943664,2.6442535211267604,92.96576995305166,84.4225352112676,4.913427230046949,19.325821596244133,6.079149491110277,-0.07055361502347424,515,14,113,4,15,175,78,142,0.196,0.7140000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.96,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,6,11,6,0,1,2,0,12,3,1,3,1,24,32,12,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,4,0,5,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,20,4,18,25,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,74,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413882518059097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782670364602249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591520305887562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150817085440793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256260228921092,0.0,0.13439957138365616,0.0,0.07208620816195349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979416968316131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147584581252035,0.3801605604822797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965108250008416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949611486006945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168574039483646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347719889032396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133213330270287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097551168597418,0.0,0.0,0.10090972540488427,0.0,0.2277085364624025,0.0,0.16331012851130694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719271463170592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913512394759437,0.0,0.11318235052191195,0.08313202105105874,0.3277198122360129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967937008577716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316312604957485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379054495165543,0.0,0.14528805220839278,0.2025511512394468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shadekidx05,2018/03/15,"Everyday I get up at 6 am and go for a long walk to a lone tree in the middle of a field, then I talk to myself about the reasons why I should kill myself, why im trash, why I ruin everything I touch and Why I feel so empty inside. I carry a sturdy rope Every time, I plan on using it one day soon ",5.557156862745099,2.4357325588235312,7.652941176470589,80.566568627451,69.0,10.243137254901963,27.07843137254902,7.793537801064563,1.4113372549019614,226,3,55,2,3,83,50,68,0.206,0.794,0.0,-0.918,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,6,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,10,0,9,5,0,13,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367683143603599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867904707967178,0.0,0.19059582895317076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722951945031613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079839608045723,0.0,0.12052489248622515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22907317801698684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346252495980401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767624872827104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437048648205015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180444097007629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045471590387656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366036299497632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316133884746352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7654447235675526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomaccount72,2018/03/15,"Can I go now? The longer I live the worse this shithole of a world seems to get. Every damm day it's getting harder to drag myself out of the situation Im in. I've tried therapy but everywhere I've gone it's the same frustrating bullshit. I am thouoly convinced that all that a therapist can do is take my money, and it's not like ""changing my outlook"" is going to fix my objectively shit life.

I have figured out that looks do matter. I have been ridiculed and isolated my entire life because I'm deformed. Ya know what happens when you end up with noone to talk to as a kid? You end up with no socal skills. That kind of shit seriously fucks with a person's head. To make matters worse it seems impossible to develop those skills as an adult, and with no friends at that.

After highschool I worked my ass off and failed collage. I worked 2 jobs for a while to save up for trade school. Now I'm failing out of that. How am I supposed to make it in today's world as a complete idot and failure?

I can truly say that nobody left cares about me at this point. Yet any time I even mention being lonely I'm imidiatly cast as an entitled misogynist. No I don't expect anyone else to like me (hell I certainly don't), but it still sucks to be alone.

It's honestly been longer than I can remember sence I've had a hug or even shaken someone's hand. I can't keep going on like this. I'm thinking about spending the last of my money on a sex worker to cuddle with for a few hours. Chosing only 2 Between food, shelter, and a hug I would rather go without food this month. 

That's actually one of 2 plans I have. Hire a professional and od on plan meds in her arms. or the side of a cliff facing the atlantic is just a few minutes away If I'm too impulsive. 

I can't find any reason not to go anymore, but I'm still scared. Nobody is going to miss me. I've got nothing left to do but run out my clock anyway. ",2.4729382911392404,3.9372858151898735,4.041277689873418,88.0741950158228,75.65822784810126,6.861550632911393,25.25514240506329,7.531066641456977,1.15340664556962,1487,51,319,19,32,496,210,395,0.208,0.69,0.103,-0.9926,1,3,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,0,9,15,25,7,1,22,0,26,16,7,4,2,48,56,21,1,4,12,0,1,3,1,1,2,1,0,3,21,16,2,1,8,0,4,8,10,13,0,1,5,3,32,12,57,48,4,49,1,4,1,6,11,23,6,5,21,196,53,11,0.0,0.0,0.09997709567200264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610801830674456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933996605231447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160355609507912,0.07163590520561683,0.10497283993517556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625579661288562,0.0,0.0,0.062452990286840475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445530739855292,0.0,0.10837924654245892,0.0,0.10741760024935644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607222012501546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558440609861205,0.0,0.1814818064014171,0.0,0.0,0.13533543026674302,0.0,0.08631912578281926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093638075472524,0.0,0.24776756431347235,0.0,0.07915314968380267,0.09471401290976103,0.10705251504435308,0.0,0.349350531845192,0.0,0.0819391765970565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059680765362896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051439659341221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008932934602135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066432684690564,0.0,0.10166650236148092,0.09106288143638527,0.0,0.1066866290816275,0.056304220426067135,0.08351098703134613,0.0,0.0,0.222625950955776,0.0,0.14472790568198798,0.15015669783359942,0.0,0.09046583708767303,0.0,0.08603277752753381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677326349622915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379962178434865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177516407530369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830420107167362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942323962872285,0.07791836706824587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894559916253812,0.0,0.0,0.09684901793236074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533637342943962,0.0,0.0,0.11605666127151786,0.0,0.0,0.08147290150871171,0.1025710143029963,0.1036855688171931,0.0,0.18653452251405853,0.0,0.0,0.21032832399710474,0.0,0.11515886913731255,0.0,0.0,0.08680613797222647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636345082584793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703016944446807,0.0823459846179994,0.0,0.0,0.11716129376129968,0.1189531485728928,0.0,0.06564626597965406,0.0,0.0,0.0597398217763769,0.0,0.097111275770534,0.0,0.0,0.06955729411134738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875881010907724,0.0,0.1491706463788893,0.0,0.20881201335970134,0.07277803139305734,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guspasho,2018/03/15,"How do I know if I'm suicidal? I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else. But sometimes my mind gets so twisted that I get either so sad or angry that it's all that I can think about, killing myself or others. If I'm able to step outside that moment I'm able to tell myself that I know that I don't want to do it, but when I'm trapped in that feeling I don't know. I can't tell what I might end up doing if this continues. I'm scared. How do I stay safe? How do I know what's suicidal, and when I should acknowledge it to do something about it, and what should I do when?",1.9113178294573672,2.32701362015504,3.812403100775197,93.25875968992253,75.5891472868217,6.973643410852714,22.86046511627907,6.937597516519254,0.41378139534883696,443,11,111,4,9,151,59,129,0.21600000000000005,0.726,0.058,-0.9648,0,1,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,1,0,0,15,0,0,3,1,29,30,18,3,7,9,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,16,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,17,1,9,27,2,10,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,7,6,77,33,0,0.3588104883529974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544431810790707,0.18382187378971068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987006073134393,0.0,0.15889979604272486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071268198007992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746367080767176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920570244384588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984853215829752,0.0,0.3943857213877426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190320612895618,0.18114815393205908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961594691856955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381149219142734,0.1774363738707725,0.0,0.0,0.1912221196648516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39248043695934864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136161820329767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495563640204153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163572248979146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,picnicsinspace,2018/03/15,All I do is fantasise about my death.. every day of every month in every year.  I have been suicidal since I was 10 years old and it has always looked over my conscious. I don’t know if it’s cause I’m lonely or because I feel like a failure. But I know that I never stop thinking about it... even when I’m happy I will think about it. ,-0.117916666666666,1.8995219305555544,2.1783333333333346,95.47500000000002,86.63888888888891,4.711111111111111,17.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.4314499999999999,257,6,59,2,8,87,52,72,0.14400000000000002,0.742,0.113,-0.4959,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,2,14,16,5,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,10,2,6,13,1,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,9,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893001412931947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108602735838715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209047076255396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868262856842187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203150107804774,0.0,0.5435399281258894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873038603310184,0.1536241962357221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289134487460496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23636007003876935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505739282115052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057894388875512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716424040863035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585164841762412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564768545841274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788282067771785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978257414187898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23521821034021245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755771398186558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769566571651884
suicidewatch,Internetgirll1,2018/03/15,I don't even know anymore How can i articulate what I'm feeling. I'm not really good with words. But one thing I'm sure of is that I have died a long time ago and now I'm nothing but a shell. A mere figment of what I was before.,-0.4003773584905659,1.0444266981132095,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,83.90566037735849,5.749433962264153,20.033962264150947,6.742157984588678,0.012980377358490449,177,5,46,2,5,63,38,53,0.093,0.841,0.066,-0.2985,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,10,11,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,3,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874318654402847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215731278993839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759165200029874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33652476190650515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416690172615568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395271276758636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27196911595744416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820167888025035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28695484469928395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31113073832461163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219723100000809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772560243683602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056058327827143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154201434949468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907528522726247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jcllbrmy,2018/03/15,"One year from now I will kill myself I wish I never existed. That's my most wanted desire now. I wish my parents aborted me. I wish my parents let me die when I got that rare disease as an infant that caused them so much money and forced them to marry. I wish they never did any of that. They wasted their time. Look how that child ended up becoming. What a complete waste. Now they hate each other but continue to be together for our sake. This is all bullshit. 

Nothing would get worse if I didn't exist. I'm invisible to the people around me and I make zero significance. The only thing that changes is that people won't be able to take advantage of me anymore. 

One year from now. If things are still the same. If things don't get better. I will kill myself. I have planned it out already. Even a close friend told me it's okay for me to do it if the pain is too much to bare. It's decided. ",0.567905138339917,2.9027619565217435,2.357687747035577,93.05569169960476,87.04347826086956,5.084584980237153,18.6897233201581,6.574015621080383,0.056008695652173916,696,19,149,8,22,229,112,184,0.16399999999999998,0.715,0.122,-0.9089,2,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,6,3,11,8,3,0,7,1,16,1,0,3,3,27,30,11,3,11,5,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,17,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,4,1,29,4,16,19,6,17,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,5,13,113,46,0,0.12001668892420135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244140063188342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161546401608362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902430596646932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684029815820346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254900368441588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614500830068156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329019964364825,0.1269617432367587,0.0,0.1258352149239638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455837491180445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629916354628456,0.0,0.0,0.07926989113008394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272459614856887,0.0,0.12540753291346912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959883098658686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849163318079517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26556136868561525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272519580444925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078379172083246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011207180176715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764521513130092,0.0,0.1851285385850508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515924989077117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626528289427229,0.0912781000859844,0.12770621882108354,0.0,0.2665286600655363,0.0,0.0,0.16640892117923864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958454828067444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023761380977288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392012657106017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699826964603477,0.0,0.0,0.1146810894692869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078895265268162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520530770344912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230725932634605,0.08525641236472532,0.0,0.0,0.15457362553094714
suicidewatch,bryozoans,2018/03/15,". I'm so young and I feel like I've been living forever. I just want to rest, but I don't even have the energy to take my own life. I thought things were better and they're just not. They're just not. It's 12:12 am and I should be sleeping but I'm not. I just want someone to listen without hurting them.",-1.4895522388059703,0.4943010149253766,0.7603134328358223,101.54494776119404,98.55223880597015,3.8740298507462687,15.655223880597012,5.6839178017228535,-0.8464017910447761,236,6,58,2,10,78,45,67,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.8942,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,18,15,6,0,3,10,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,2,8,2,4,10,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752422218999085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555296300512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157358422942479,0.22233031747077225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331594857629454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981863717300848,0.1520427385197719,0.0,0.274806395154001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31143731738380354,0.0,0.2636893950394772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399311678972545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675579853600973,0.0,0.0,0.2470680125529339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671224662566898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999978054640927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,victormago,2018/03/15,"Tried to jump in front of a train last Friday Last week I was fired from my job after making one too many mistakes. I tried to learn from them and do better but it was too little too late and my manager had to let me go. This came as a shock to me because I really liked the job and I tried so hard to be a good employee. After she walked me out the building I decided to go out drinking in order to get my mind off things. Once I got to bar I had so many gin and tonic's that I lost count. I have a pretty high alcohol tolerance so I was still lucid after I left the bar and decided to go to another bar where I had even more drinks. When I left the second bar everything went dark and next thing I remember I was standing on the edge of the train tracks about to jump when police officers came and they grabbed me. I remember telling one of the police officers to shoot me and I don't remember what I did but they hand cuffed me and pinned me to the ground until paramedics arrived. I awoke in the hospital with a fractured ankle and the nurse gave me a recap of what happened last night. 

Aside from losing my job I have had life long depression and anxiety which I have not been able to overcome despite taking medication and seeing a psychologist. I ended up being prescribed 5 different medications being: Trintellix, Buspar, Abilify, Wellbutrin, and Trazadone. I was taking high doses and to be honest I could hardly see a difference of my depression and they made me feel sick and restless. I felt that taking so much medication was not normal so I stopped taking them. I know that there are other therapists and medications out there but I just don't see things ever changing for me. It is like I have these inherit flaws in me that I will never be able to change. I am 25 now and if you would have told me at 18 that things will ""get better"" that would have not been the truth. I have less and less faith as time goes on that I will ever have a life that is worth living. I do not have any friends and I have enormous trouble socializing and making friends with people. It seems that people always have a negative perception of me regardless of whatever I try to do. 

Right now I am contemplating of whether or not giving medication and therapy another chance or if I should just jump of a bridge or try jumping in front of the train again. ",4.640713519313304,5.623766920600861,5.510405042918457,81.49311829399144,69.70815450643777,9.086802575107297,27.86722103004292,9.354420925462401,2.2740345493562217,1859,62,369,38,32,609,221,466,0.128,0.7879999999999999,0.084,-0.9654,5,0,3,1,0,1,27.0,0,1,5,4,23,18,0,1,23,0,47,17,1,3,4,72,75,41,0,9,16,0,7,2,2,6,10,0,0,0,22,29,7,1,11,6,2,13,9,8,0,3,22,10,63,10,53,40,4,61,1,4,3,0,14,22,0,6,26,275,85,5,0.14483650095581502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739308596457356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060257785702709524,0.0,0.0,0.049246893652600585,0.1518736997793292,0.05539976339813108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414549332943294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809611508201302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565437220933893,0.0,0.0,0.15321781337657506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057820080279936285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474746604223964,0.0,0.0,0.15132331662100768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418846311049005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414107504789351,0.0,0.0,0.047831571447871264,0.13101290716070313,0.0,0.0,0.06508485397379626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03661684336659283,0.0,0.0695328771569993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190032135598782,0.0,0.07567109384328878,0.06947018468089274,0.123470881877496,0.06074099264024677,0.05791949044026445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403921973266863,0.0,0.12974505606836165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302771533552353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155918178398847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979917656179238,0.17709161902389153,0.08169094085604409,0.0,0.1573652820743753,0.07405256760024377,0.10230230394929944,0.07075979839276103,0.0725821119358922,0.06394664193584568,0.06408787280350492,0.0,0.08101749841370758,0.07905307505583778,0.0,0.0,0.06852389960223906,0.09667948906186824,0.1468414789814648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647688428506718,0.0,0.0,0.07312178886006533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323574665195743,0.0,0.055853419212091415,0.0,0.07701763095039388,0.0679596223266901,0.070954509617891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712307328295567,0.09814496144576698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004113931465608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367539556703395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639298563143094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24610728209170796,0.061844790221534884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312390882518708,0.0659268553958133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738212865168981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057833308378124636,0.06054490007413287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779804718765455,0.0,0.06329674288128823,0.0,0.082816580734598,0.08408317044101858,0.19244587098830576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222766422581138,0.0,0.0,0.06919874174758571,0.0,0.2458361920784527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808955233184695,0.0,0.0,0.06713244372042526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288769471678766,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,universityreject,2018/03/15,"Why do I have to be such an attention whore I always just grab things and poke people and say stupid shit just so my friends will pay attention to me. I can tell they're annoyed and that I'm annoying but I can't stop no matter how hard I try. One of my friends even asked if I had ADHD (I do not as far as I'm aware). 

I can't change myself and I can tell everyone is done with me. It would be so much better if I just stopped breathing. ",1.044664948453608,2.2475609278350532,2.8851417525773217,95.9734858247423,78.89690721649485,6.499484536082474,21.403350515463927,7.1686216300943375,0.2881762886597934,338,9,85,4,8,113,66,97,0.168,0.6779999999999999,0.154,0.5614,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,4,0,1,0,14,3,2,1,0,19,17,12,0,3,7,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,2,3,15,3,6,11,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,2,2,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25776686614498445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846702437993206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005126367613012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969276938007565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226894557412251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949055931005387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166398795058707,0.0,0.0,0.2049476824697142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331418042443324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921346247169414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576696718079297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533922067369945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486954950279928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056547741978473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016370064857288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586347567074624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749351630907076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424929639753708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456198669549255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935375321689043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236255786105232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fdsdhgfhdj,2018/03/15,"i havent met up with a friend irl in over a year. i dont have any real life friends. im lonely. a vast majority of my online friends dont come to talk to me first. and its not something i should feel bad about but i do.

i had a chance to change this but i fucked it up. i was going to move away from my parents but i decided to go back because my mom started crying and now she took all my money.

i dont want to experience another breakup. id rather die. every single time someone breaks up with me, i formulate a plan. i just want to get married.",-0.5807857142857173,1.4248226833333315,2.109523809523811,95.20500000000004,88.83333333333334,5.095238095238095,20.238095238095237,6.5431188927421005,0.12530952380952387,422,14,101,5,14,146,79,120,0.189,0.738,0.07400000000000001,-0.9389,1,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,1,18,20,5,1,4,6,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,5,5,3,0,1,4,1,18,3,18,15,3,19,0,1,0,1,8,7,1,0,6,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300819023393283,0.1588347385802497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231574313569567,0.1164749204096502,0.12647529289376405,0.0923377504158358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024045880798435,0.1304822948374866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663881682155693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720712897761902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532582694601195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762421552657946,0.0,0.0,0.14817160992617015,0.0,0.0,0.07659030829192079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884455253420016,0.0,0.0,0.3510876138946214,0.14003619113793778,0.07913943247674929,0.0,0.1721734596907844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361898678339504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699126792561237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740568226590553,0.0,0.1609939466077254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819505500462273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241170529370642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283442708800287,0.11661285079688975,0.0,0.0,0.10721478040638996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217498624242057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832628714394697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682942918464407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786877521120586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975449298475026
suicidewatch,maria_3124,2018/03/15,"need help in my shitty life hi so basically this is my first year into college and my life rn is really shitty it couldn't be any shitter when in highschool i used to be in the top 10 of my class but now im literally probably the worst one no one would do the lab-projects with me no one would talk to me i spent my first semster alone no one talk to me at all:/, i lack motivation to study tried to watch motivation vids maybe they will give me energy but not for alot of t ime maybe for like 10-30 mins tops i study for my exams at the last mintue,do my home work before the class in 10 mins seriously if i continue like ill beecome a dropout,i tried to make new friends(for example i tried sitting near one of my classmates as soon as he saw me sitting there and wanted to do labs with him he moved to the next row of table and left me alone) i seriously think im retarded and should just end my life my family hates me tons,like they bully me alot and my pa used to tell me that even his shit look better than me,my mom always forgots me for example when she went oversea's she brought perfume for all of my brothers expect me(she said she gave it to my cousin cause she wanted to return the favour for him since he helped her alot in the airport.... ) my brothers makes fun of me cause im the stupdiest one of them (they are three two of them about to graduate and the last one is having his best time in highschool) my life sucks rn i need your help reddit please dont lemme down",2.5244372990353696,3.9600433344051456,3.679606430868169,90.83862508038588,75.46302250803859,7.033877813504822,22.729389067524124,7.699297019823105,0.7591802186495173,1171,32,264,16,25,380,167,311,0.14800000000000002,0.72,0.132,-0.6956,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,5,9,9,12,3,0,14,0,15,6,1,8,2,39,35,14,0,11,5,5,0,2,0,4,5,1,1,0,4,9,0,1,3,0,1,3,6,6,0,11,7,5,49,6,43,21,8,36,0,0,3,0,33,14,2,4,19,162,53,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980100956150645,0.0,0.0,0.08026006564623933,0.0,0.0,0.06559416134093624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207791983981079,0.0,0.10122581515888847,0.0853084998528937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817610166592955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304704709313275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543239407041163,0.0,0.0,0.06370902978926278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093120502571632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409278422687967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253047582022428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952314539666214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939595586574684,0.0,0.09675437381928943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125707827640793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572508824932059,0.0,0.0,0.10480096241870704,0.0,0.27252211593839226,0.0942481705540383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099970237729492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877177692909333,0.0,0.19380831922430275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129694339733706,0.0,0.10251867239603693,0.0,0.1430434909074927,0.0,0.09315890472235888,0.10258326030255197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575329701910602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058809717384622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399710873571276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179291238271065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175282648316174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901186579631464,0.07979034112529276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505718721887365,0.08430778993289309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180583911557395,0.0,0.0,0.05624493272242122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646419480247412,0.0,0.09422460783263956,0.0,0.0,0.16661599450816258,0.0,0.0,0.11378583795200503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941673307705895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022194509674981,0.0,0.0,0.13704076636503906,0.0,0.0,0.062115234253476335
suicidewatch,ThinnerBirb,2018/03/15,"I'm so tired of everything I'm meant to be moving out of my parents house in less than two weeks, into a nice rental with my fiance. I should be happy about this, surely.

Instead I'm just drowning in stress because I'm having to do all of the organisation myself. Power, internet, rubbish collection .. other utilities? I don't even know, and no one's helping because my parents have other things to care about and my fiance just doesn't seem to care.

The stress of work is sucky af too, I'm in a sales position and not making the revenue I need to be so I know I'm gonna end up with performance management if not being fired. I'm barely making enough to pay the bills after moving as it is.

None of this stuff is getting any better, and I'm sinking further and further into depression with every damn day. My job involves driving so I can't be on antidepressants and I've got no budget for therapy.

Every night I'm just lying awake thinking of overdosing and slitting my wrists .. just because even if it doesn't kill me it might get me away from this stress for a while.

Maybe tonight will be that night. I'm so so tired of hoping for things to improve and things only getting worse.",4.677136075949368,5.547480012658234,5.5716851265822775,81.49904667721522,69.54852320675106,7.9503164556962025,28.736550632911392,8.07648339933343,1.9038018987341767,941,33,180,12,16,309,131,237,0.14,0.731,0.129,-0.2168,7,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,4,15,13,2,3,7,0,19,3,1,2,2,35,45,17,2,5,8,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,13,14,0,0,5,0,4,3,9,6,0,2,2,1,14,7,35,33,4,22,0,1,0,0,4,11,1,5,8,122,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805626799014137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784225759318884,0.0,0.0,0.20991166359772528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151609518633667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340575126660472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740254367342894,0.0,0.09886229280950716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166352782435366,0.1186013581994328,0.0,0.15162596795087302,0.0,0.1934189882678401,0.0,0.10315941630177487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990789089578368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918023236054194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218846868350446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693651884210424,0.0,0.0,0.11400526035567295,0.0,0.1324439875406167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390425846621313,0.0,0.12699020713689868,0.0,0.12616329522867967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323687541792036,0.0,0.1153147917042575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176645537958555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439919896207137,0.0,0.08511002223571712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154318414583208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777982370354372,0.08729752293681116,0.0,0.0,0.25490552272090233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104493987556333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944500698603952,0.0,0.1313988914562203,0.0,0.0,0.10818146929715933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126418217254593,0.0,0.22876985783243586,0.07354820982138263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638519811141226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212615711362812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207187150173778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835632753465838,0.0,0.11697352120960346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imuselessandshouldie,2018/03/15,"Why was I born? I'm in my grade 12 year of high school. I failed math once in grade 9 and 10. I had to drop the higher math in grade 11 because I just could not keep up with the pace of it. Probably because I was so inferior, dumb and slow compared to everyone else. As a result, I ended up taking a mixed math course and flew by it because majority of the information in that course was from grade 10.  Grade 11 I nearly failed chemistry and biology too with 51-53. I messed up big time in all my important courses because I just can’t keep up with the pace of how its taught.

But this year is the time where you have to pick your career path, and whether your going to college or university. I see people getting into all these big time post secondary schools and then there's me. I’m not good at anything. No talents. Not good at sports. Not even good at getting grades. My crappy grades make me feel so bad in myself because when I look over at people in the same classes that I fucked up in, their getting such high marks and here I am struggling to keep up and coming close to failing despite how hard I try. I don’t even know what to be when I grow up. I don’t have any passions at all and I can’t even fall back onto talents because I was somehow born a fuck up that can’t keep up. When I see people around me succeeding I get so jealous and mad at myself because of how shit I am. All I see is when people succeed is just a thought of that's never going to be me and it makes me mad at myself. I’m not going to make it in life to be honest. It makes me hate anyone that succeeds now because I know that I’ll never get any ounce of success and probably will end up with no money, homeless and will probably kill myself. How I see it, your high school marks translate into a good program at post secondary which thus gets you a degree and a gob high paying job. At this rate for me, I’ll probably be homeless, so whats the point on living? I’m going to be graduating with a 2.3-2.6 GPA which makes me feel even worse because I know that now I will not be getting into any good programs at all. 

All the university prep courses in high school which deal with math and science, are classes which I CANT keep up in and I feel so shit because of it because that cancels out any high paying job options. Coming back to passions, I have no idea on what that passion is or nonetheless what to become or have an idea at all because I’m not good at anything. Since grade 9, I always felt like there have been anxiety issues as in gym class I’d never really do anything because I was afraid about messing up and being judged and rejected (something I still fear). I’d purposely sit out in some gym classes because I was so afraid about messing up, when gym ended I was so relived I never had to take it again. My friend tells me grades don’t matter, but their also the exact person who’s talented and don’t really need grades because they can fall back onto their talent. In my case, I have no talent and can’t fall back onto anything. I always wanted to make big money because growing up, we would struggle financialy and still do. But now that I’m not good at school or getting marks, I’m probably going to be working at Mcdonalds or even be homeless most likely. 

Now by no means was I ever bullied in high school and in fact I’m pretty much liked by many people. But when those exact people pass me it just makes me wish so much, why couldn’t I be them? Why was I born as who I was? Why am I this ugly? Even when talking to people, I always over think and always rehearse everything I’m going to say because I’m constantly afraid about being judged. Some people can talk so easily but for me there's so much process involved when it comes to talking to pretty much anyone. I always lack confidence in always everything I do and pretty much never leave my house even when I’m invited to go out with friends. 

I hate myself. I hate how inferior I am and almost nothing works when I try to combat it. I hate for even being born. Why was I even put on this world? They say everyone has a purpose, but clearly I do not. I get so tired of hearing that because clearly if I did have a purpose I wouldn't feel like this and if I did I wouldn’t fail at almost everything and be so insecure with myself - and would probably have a passion. I am willing to kill myself at the age of 20. Currently I’m approaching to turn 18 in a week and a half or so. I waste space and eventually I have to just cut it off. A failure like me doesn’t need to live in this world. I’m on march break and this has been frustrating me almost everyday. I ask myself everyday, why was I put on this world, my answer to myself is I was probably a mistake. 

Do you guys think I should kill myself? If so why or why not? If you guys think I should kill myself, why? If not, why? I’m kinda getting tired of living and I want to hear what all of you have to say. 
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suicidewatch,makesomethingup123,2018/03/15,"I just found a razor blade Randomly. In my room. I’ve been oscillating between various levels of suicidality... I thought I was getting better, but I found a random razor blade in my windowsill looking for cat treats and the first thing I did was trace it on all of the major arteries of my body.

I paused, smoked a cigarette, and I asked my roommate to take it from me because I didn’t feel safe with it.

I’ve been in and out of treatment for the better part of two decades. In the past nine months, I’ve been in a relationship where I was finally dating a friend of seven years. I got pregnant within the first two months of us dating. I hadn’t been on birth control for four years at that point, because I was told I had scar tissue that was so built up in my Fallopian tubes I would never conceive.

I got an abortion because I didn’t think either of us was really ready. I had, honestly, been living my life at that point thinking I would never be able to have kids.

We broke up a few weeks ago. It had been rough before that. I had already been suicidal. He has depression as well, I’m sure that didn’t help. 

I’m trying to keep my head up. It feels like I’m in a tide pool of drowning people and moment by moment I keep wondering why I’m trying so hard to prevent an eventuality. My uncle and dad died in the past four months. I left a stressful job that broke me, after it feels like the last three jobs broke me. 

I’m trying to take faith in my strength. This is not the worst that’s ever happened. But it’s hard. And... I thought I was doing better until I literally had the instrument in my hand... help?",2.4546656534954434,4.1639641398176295,4.0204635258358685,87.16589285714286,76.29483282674772,6.7668693009118535,23.604103343465045,7.5804360353943165,1.002973860182371,1258,39,264,17,28,419,163,329,0.103,0.7290000000000001,0.168,0.9671,2,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,7,6,19,0,1,19,0,31,4,3,1,5,38,57,12,4,2,5,1,7,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,16,9,0,5,10,1,0,0,7,6,1,9,31,8,40,13,43,23,7,48,1,4,1,0,12,25,0,3,25,181,56,2,0.09547618606541984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463387824357012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536034548895684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925734563343614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460419054267973,0.0,0.08124320218829,0.0,0.0,0.2533227833547028,0.0,0.10605251915325342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708466117725353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822334991555202,0.0,0.09908920739012048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636367641098182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482688523925388,0.1364164128043599,0.0,0.10458949499556176,0.0,0.16242399018642772,0.0,0.2093694199787828,0.07376466451522366,0.0,0.049882366584924176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272205582420134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844292760227041,0.0,0.17105581856096172,0.0,0.0979861117834675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799134993604813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949076490547934,0.16972724208141304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782583468012028,0.0,0.0,0.1037351555196288,0.0,0.06743765378427763,0.09328968364624947,0.0,0.08430722150058206,0.0,0.08017595000303622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22862454246441125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727424122764088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339140542243848,0.1822856459101638,0.06619116584481502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051171292483326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061164489600976014,0.0,0.0,0.10250569286908803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936764855757816,0.0,0.0,0.20887090228701796,0.0,0.0899851754524085,0.0,0.14357241952646554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343013558304125,0.12235456974259185,0.0,0.15159485388493896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123158732757514,0.0,0.1944661893509044,0.0,0.18653272110696112,0.0,0.2296921923279445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658523742691521,0.0,0.08584455750180382,0.0,0.08615240755327871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035398510465255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564708647054258,0.0,0.0,0.12296706703281887
suicidewatch,depressivePOS,2018/03/15,"I just want it all to end I'm not sure if this counts or if I even deserve to post here...I never thought I would post here. I just want it to end. I hope every night I go to bed I don't wake up. I Hope everyday I get in the car that I get into some horrible accident where I don't survive. I don't know if this post if appropriate for this subreddit and I'm really sorry if it isn't.. I just don't want to live in this world anymore where I don't feel any purpose in my life. I haven't felt any purpose since June of last year...I have no confidence or motivation in anything anymore. I just get shot down all the time in anything I do or try to do. I cry every night and just wish I could be better. I don't think I'll ever get better and I have no faith in myself anymore. I'm a waste of space and oxygen and no matter how many people I try to reach out to they just don't care/have their own shit to deal with, which is fair enough.

I'm done being a burden...thanks for reading and sorry if this breaks rules..I'm just lost and want it to end",0.19884510339446132,1.7957601545064392,2.5181369488880243,95.87235173624659,82.6480686695279,5.609754194303552,18.31623097932111,6.574015621080383,-0.2447150214592271,808,18,200,8,22,276,112,233,0.145,0.7240000000000001,0.131,-0.7144,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,2,5,13,8,1,0,4,0,19,3,2,2,5,50,41,17,0,15,17,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,11,10,0,0,6,1,0,2,14,2,0,0,4,2,26,6,25,33,5,31,1,1,0,0,3,14,1,12,11,124,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036297857501535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32892386357839193,0.0,0.0,0.1819554119032592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555460232162594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271863768445615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826952166432353,0.0,0.12143995790876486,0.0,0.1139778026204592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313659761387085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937579117549753,0.11423332130202153,0.0,0.07302082445605977,0.10000372354153043,0.18629545030638425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590015152483576,0.0,0.10615055836790784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310426144351454,0.0,0.06283120345061532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961299152124694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060758377725089525,0.09011743801529444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808857572527783,0.0,0.0,0.09762247766500487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206843208706862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112085862276755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526716969777404,0.0,0.0,0.2074975796028634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664522082798654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31764464921136343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058535637173207,0.0,0.07082464483687767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134835688958826,0.09145260117555698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475155241873149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041971924163536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178459417917284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083946095783139,0.0,0.08776866900666366,0.06446576525262036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011977138380886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608338480797062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713329819770794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785354115198904,0.0,0.0,0.07119407769155124
suicidewatch,Scr3aming,2018/03/15,"I tried. I really did. But I should've stayed dead the first time. I don't see how I can keep going. I can't. I died clinically for multiple minutes three years ago and I miss it. Simply not being. I sleep constantly because it's the closest I can get to it. 

I count down the days until I get my tax return. That gun will be the best decision I've ever made. 

Not that I care much, but it would be funny to see the look on those fuckers faces when they find all my accounts. C'est la vie.",-0.06820512820512903,2.043201923076925,2.1996153846153845,94.728717948718,87.46153846153845,5.38974358974359,17.320512820512818,6.816661863887847,-0.10872179487179467,376,9,87,5,12,127,73,104,0.129,0.7859999999999999,0.085,-0.5271,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,1,0,5,0,10,4,2,2,2,13,20,6,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,4,2,0,2,2,3,16,2,6,13,3,15,0,1,3,1,1,3,1,0,10,57,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078969187781728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380799365739565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237710926726234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23094462177328984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447795761190605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608184367570615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508424561403096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489355250967714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702834984793134,0.1926714432797256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668689712879104,0.0,0.12873229143421394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133474530565865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902134775248112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433163381524434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651277325897587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145109727637667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610023212959048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226676115788115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414322197515183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208127847738485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378713997582036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160908003164874,0.0,0.0,0.1458666435536671
suicidewatch,fulltime-asshole,2018/03/15,Everything is too hard I feel so overwhelemd by how I feel every single day and I can't handle it. I can't handle being so emotionally unstable I can't handle forcing myself to go to work and school and pretend to be fine I can't stand it. I'm so so tired,0.31041666666666856,2.343590160714289,3.4321428571428565,87.07952380952383,84.89285714285714,5.8761904761904775,20.047619047619047,7.1686216300943375,0.6008904761904761,203,6,43,3,6,73,33,56,0.188,0.777,0.035,-0.7825,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,6,11,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,4,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249104629866772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922890728753196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938311215770512,0.0,0.3134278311001212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35267000223261424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819875310500287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124053373142896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529466581202825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008289167231685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538891464341425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mindnumbed,2018/03/15,"How do i end it? Hey everyone, im a m (16) and i have fawned over killing myself for awhile now. I have alienated all my friends away from me, im pecimisstic and lonely on the inside, but i play it off on the outside. It has slowly been killing me inside. Ive attempted to kill myself by grabbing a knife from the kitchen when no one was home, and pressing it against my throat. But after a tiny bit of blood was drawn i stopped. The only thing i truly love is ballet, and thats what has been keeping me going. Throughout the school day, i constantly contemplate and observe everyone around me, i stick to my own ideologies and use game theory to manipulate people into getting things for myself. It seems sociopathic, but manipulating my own feelings to seem like i have friends has deluded myself for awhile and has kept me alive. I realize everything people say about not ending it, it will get better. I also realize i have ballet and i absolutely love doing it. But my grades have dropped, ive dispelled my friends, i have panic attacks and homicidal thoughts. Im scared. I want to kill myself but the biggest fear is of attempting and then failing. What is the quickest and most beautiful way to do it? Where do i do it and when?? Any help is very much appreciated, thank you.",4.076951219512196,5.958479581300818,5.084235772357727,80.51879268292684,72.29268292682926,8.334634146341463,29.77967479674797,8.982922981607832,2.588186016260164,1011,43,189,21,20,331,137,246,0.174,0.63,0.196,0.7726,0,2,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,1,0,4,8,19,5,3,10,0,26,5,2,4,1,36,40,22,4,1,6,0,3,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,15,14,1,3,6,4,0,1,2,10,0,1,6,4,35,9,24,33,6,22,0,2,0,2,10,9,0,3,11,140,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139466594166952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771856318108801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173898491906246,0.0,0.13001709846805254,0.10737568585018682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010768931283408,0.12477097571072655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350282600146892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370517102570334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024473758193834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841080253708686,0.1027131045335944,0.0,0.0,0.12860379501971714,0.05778655755941815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648917997743643,0.0,0.11941968826151772,0.0,0.06495150470412185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660365854691199,0.0,0.11463841843539492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703462569259446,0.0,0.0,0.1015828624747692,0.5057631726894781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055834484717580166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629558975772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401353735829108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774433149107415,0.08691983650530086,0.0,0.13409027991394887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846337958719056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088500625978436,0.11442046501809505,0.1156637777285036,0.0,0.20808380372390853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554841519340528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052194162225765,0.0,0.0,0.15185340103734984,0.0,0.0,0.0907305097592397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870661832885644,0.0,0.0942981181625367,0.06740898622075228,0.0907150988213421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,longanimidaddy,2018/03/15,"Canceled my treatment I lied and said I wasn't a danger to myself. Everyone saw through it. I told them not to worry because I was seeking treatment...

Suddenly, I had a change of heart. Either I need to get life insurance ASAP for my wife and kids so I can wait out the suicide period, or I need to play it cool for a month so I can get the tool I need for my own demise. Either way, therapy would spoil the plan.

I am grateful for the short term resources such as the prevention hotline. This is all so exhausting. ",1.9306730769230784,4.025613798076924,3.556384615384616,88.08861538461541,79.28846153846155,6.8523076923076935,25.784615384615392,7.908726449838941,1.5833992307692315,401,16,82,7,10,133,69,104,0.099,0.777,0.124,0.1383,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,8,1,8,3,1,0,1,14,17,7,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,3,16,2,12,10,5,7,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,4,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583569293025214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530793553068433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859969821500145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24998126814608446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834951272973627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689790538014019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909554316395937,0.0,0.0,0.5321701028799114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227567670966328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616847225142786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735865549721201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859969821500145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989394272823615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429551841078685,0.0,0.16994598000125816,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RichardBun,2018/03/15,"Thinking of killing myself I keep thinking about killing myself.  I'm in a temporary job and a generally poor career situation.  I do not see there being any real chance of finding more meaningful work any time in the future.  I have spent over 15 months job-searching with no end in sight, even after trying to build job skills, network, have professionals retool my resume, etc.  I have little hope that things will change.  Even if they do change, I don't know that I *want* them to.  I expect that any of the jobs where I am applying will eat up much more time than my current position.  At this point in life, I'm not sure I could handle that.

At this point, the only real reason I can think of for not killing myself are how my death would impact my dog and my parents.  I think most other people who know me would be able to get along fine without me.",4.368333333333332,5.592567904191618,4.817140718562875,85.31317614770461,70.55688622754491,7.243313373253492,24.695109780439118,7.492282038375204,1.0762379241516964,668,18,132,7,12,212,107,167,0.141,0.8059999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9543,6,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,2,2,6,6,3,0,5,0,16,2,0,2,1,31,30,4,4,7,5,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,4,1,1,9,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,23,3,22,22,5,19,0,0,2,0,4,12,0,3,7,92,32,6,0.11456326046761063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372083697871546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423854780569881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146944138603964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722681620769555,0.0,0.0,0.10146904459706726,0.0,0.1277683188516326,0.15133590613402895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470874457893756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059854575170124914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378716728497107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547454344520741,0.10182908976746743,0.3802418212447086,0.0,0.1259219437298063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809194189063963,0.0,0.11482248383696594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144330150798732,0.0,0.08421717826139001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713052200384931,0.0,0.0,0.12720894310147074,0.0,0.0,0.07942373994849844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659862252030448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607961430035127,0.0,0.1177901122447906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129208603735137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877390477804454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797451719022627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611073969080269,0.2936300457837385,0.0,0.0,0.1336055169439994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778093372758628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757237925552516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043489489129317,0.0,0.0834034180622674,0.0,0.0,0.16276490651133904,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quietmike72567,2018/03/15,"I'm so tired. I'm going through a nasty separation. We're staying friends even. I'm going to go visit her next week. We are even going to knock skydiving off our bucket lists. It's going to be a great week. I'm going to show her how much I've changed and how she should want me back. I'm going to offer her the world. I know she's going to reject it. So the morning I say goodbye for good I'm going to put my last love letter in its hiding spot.(same place I always put them when we were together) I still have my half a million dollar life insurance. In the note I'm going to do my best to explain I'm not mad at her. She shouldn't feel guilty. I'm doing this out of love. Because I love her, and I know I can't stop. And I know that hurts her. With me out of the way she can finally find peace. I've been going out to the bridge I will drive off of. It's very peaceful. I will have my ID and drivers license taped to my chest so no one will need to identify me. I already know what the papers will say. Wrecks happen there all the time. 

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suicidewatch,floradove,2018/03/15,"Everything is shit and I really want to die. I don't even know where to begin tbh. I think I'm just going to list all my problems in dot point form because I cbf to explain them all completely.

* My parents are emotionally and physically abusive, but I can't move out because I don't have a job and am still a minor.
*  I haven't gone to school in like a month because my depression and anxiety is really bad atm, and I'm worried I'm going to fail my senior year.
* I only have two friends rn but I barely speak to them because I don't want to burden them with my problems.
* My (kind of) boyfriend is incredibly distant (because he's really depressed atm too apparently) and I'm lowkey worried he's just using me for sex/as an ego-boost (although, he's had no previous experience with girls before me and his friends keep telling me he isn't usually like this). 
* All of my (kind of) boyfriends' friends (whom I had gotten really close to and confided in about a lot of personal things) apparently hate me now (for an unknown reason) and I'm pretty sure everything is completely ruined.
* I had a friend die in a car accident like five days ago.
* I literally hate myself so much (including how I look, what I'm doing with my life, etc) and I recently gained a bunch of weight so I'm really disappointed in myself about that too.
* I can't find enjoyment in anything anymore. I used to love singing, playing the piano, listening to music, playing video games, watching movies, etc but now I can't even find the motivation to get out of bed most days. Memes and sad music are my only comforts in life at this point.
* I have had numerous failed suicide attempts in the past although everyone reckons it was me just being attention-seeking and so no one takes me seriously anymore. I have been hospitalised four times in the last month and still nothing has been done to help me.
* I have an abusive ex who won't leave me the fuck alone and is constantly threatening me (and others), insulting me, trying to interfere with my life, etc and I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from him.
* I have been used and fucked over by people I trusted in the past and so I have serious trust issues and am always pessimistic about meeting new people. 
* I overthink things constantly and it stresses me out even more than I already am.
* I am always exhausted and irritable and my parents/friends/teachers don't understand why.

Legit, there is a bunch of other stuff going on in my life atm but I'm too tired to think about them and try and list everything. If anyone has any ideas on how to cope with/fix some of these problems, your input would be much appreciated. Otherwise I think I'm just going to try killing myself again. 

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suicidewatch,smoking-on-dope-baby,2018/03/15,Here we go 2nd attempt First attempt failed. They put me with other patients and gave me meds. This time I am taking 10 Xanax pills and drinking alcohol that should work,2.5874999999999986,5.490152750000004,2.2800000000000007,92.965,84.0,4.45,23.625,5.985473137389443,0.5391625000000002,136,5,25,1,4,40,29,32,0.099,0.901,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,15,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40898473039651095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748955535020826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32552029914854713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749447299724906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250880392804041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847143269287746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28773912585261097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315261955794552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27860662712726914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorthlessLoser84,2018/03/15,What will it take for me to kill myself I want to die!! I want to die right now!!! I want it all to disappear and end!!!!!!,-3.0527777777777767,-1.4556904444444427,0.15361111111111114,105.98375,101.5925925925926,4.181481481481482,10.453703703703702,5.985473137389443,-1.5771407407407407,86,1,25,1,4,30,18,27,0.4270000000000001,0.466,0.107,-0.94,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.633295044625614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022965565091794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375499619188141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605552893039246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293986000741937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398708793478153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilwhitegirlbitch,2018/03/15,What's the best way to do it? I'm thinking about going to the train tracks and waiting,0.4247368421052649,2.437888578947369,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,84.26315789473685,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.6750210526315792,69,2,16,0,2,22,17,19,0.0,0.792,0.208,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6684280716160662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619870508400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40812472381466747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055724457591989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,devinkurant23,2018/03/15,"How do I get rid of intrusive thoughts? Sometime I think about just running away from my life and have my body found a few weeks later in a Dutch or something. I wouldn't throw myself into traffic or anything cuz that'd ruin somebody's day and if in being honest I doubt I'd ever go through with these intrusive thoughts. 


I just don't want these thoughts anymore, anybody got any advice?",5.505789473684208,6.391000105263162,5.243263157894738,84.54384210526318,67.68421052631578,7.132631578947367,33.62105263157895,6.742157984588678,2.069334736842106,312,14,58,2,5,96,58,76,0.111,0.843,0.046,-0.5547,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,6,2,1,2,1,20,15,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,0,8,1,9,7,1,11,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23025817425217746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023875247067984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336849582573841,0.0,0.0,0.1939061628399507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138528096855506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173552273599593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196401184460834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131438477021532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583597967337765,0.0,0.0,0.12310869555627317,0.0,0.13391585817961435,0.0,0.1884575087589376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643479764785518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140205833446094,0.23304739992930995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098433081272414,0.0,0.5611996580909726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389826498999795,0.0,0.18901085341336826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lightedwave,2018/03/15,Help I’m on the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably i can’t even control myself anymore the pain is constant and debilitating this morning I couldn’t even work I went to the bathroom and just cried the feeling never stops there’s nothing I can do and nothing I can turn to it’s been a little over a year since I last tried to kill my self but I just can’t anymore this feeling doesn’t stop the universe knows I’m screaming for help but no one hears or cares I’m not living if I’m living like this ,0.9118269230769228,3.398282682692312,2.2800000000000007,92.965,87.55769230769229,3.969230769230769,23.384615384615394,5.369823440869387,0.22038846153846148,405,16,83,2,13,130,65,104,0.182,0.659,0.159,-0.3565,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,7,0,9,1,0,1,1,18,20,7,1,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,2,4,9,2,6,17,0,11,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,2,7,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358463965122808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263637186851194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297831577212434,0.18991045978472865,0.0,0.0,0.1859936756148804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236728630491608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122987900480094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083964603184786,0.0,0.2269876548854055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733112535656893,0.0,0.09305564817452112,0.1380210749583192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272280324586033,0.1697064124325168,0.2990311221482289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059255433274586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249405135096376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473783871155452,0.0,0.18017191133780816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664111225066215,0.0,0.0,0.14006596947244102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831236928388507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495939451459965,0.18417510954704436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569643797590769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326936668652695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090386427983706
suicidewatch,Suqamadee,2018/03/15,"the only person keeping me alive is my mom The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is how devastated my mom would be. I've already disappointed her enough and I would hate for the last thing that I do to be the ""nail in the coffin"" so to speak. But at the same time I can't even talk to my mom about it because I don't know what to say. There's so much of who I am and what I do that I hide from her and that hurts me even more. I just don't know what to do anymore",2.191642189586116,2.211111448598132,3.9359145527369854,94.0695327102804,74.70093457943925,6.861949265687584,20.893190921228303,6.18269132825596,-0.13352763684913205,363,6,95,2,7,123,63,107,0.146,0.7959999999999999,0.058,-0.8559,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,2,0,6,0,14,0,0,2,0,13,18,7,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,17,0,11,14,4,5,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360075472320545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398785693577795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694568533674187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812748751133836,0.0,0.2317509581806109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320920424232253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781054995203114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593780568750054,0.194096714311271,0.0,0.1928328303628249,0.14300579844448152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6164143761500734,0.0,0.0,0.12896748865440485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668577798488292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318613709150272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803800041528532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395157421318544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101082621109312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655354834005507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229960410903907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24925296319812745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notahiker,2018/03/15,"Finally ending it after years of apathy Took me almost five years to muster up the energy and motivation (was too lethargic to even end my own existence, fucking LOL), but I've finally managed to acquire the means to humanely kill myself with. All my affairs are taken care of, all my bills paid, all arrangements made.

I have never felt this relieved, excited, and ironically, ALIVE in my whole life.

Godspeed and good luck on your journeys, whether you're planning to opt-out or keep marching.",8.373932584269667,8.632957179775282,8.190202247191014,68.04665168539327,61.471910112359545,11.614382022471911,39.14831460674158,11.20814326018867,4.729474606741574,395,19,63,10,5,127,73,89,0.08800000000000001,0.6679999999999999,0.244,0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,3,2,7,2,0,2,1,3,2,0,2,4,18,12,6,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,6,1,8,5,12,6,5,14,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,3,9,42,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240218123827104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626502152108867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37574124038844425,0.0,0.0,0.14009972527067804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036633272145808,0.4647224601499192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609657518045756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791170400581885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885372462547081,0.23467343189802956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498228496786312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007080097548513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310550364777489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635958938871591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23566717992922284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368184307386784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27318975921691074
suicidewatch,EmergencyApplication,2018/03/15,"Don't want to live but don't feel bad about it I believe my situation is a lot different than the typical person on this sub. Most of the posts here are incredibly emotionally charged and from people who are in a very depressed state. I am not exactly like that and I'll try to explain my situation:

I am a late teenager who went through a period of depression for about 1-2 years in my mid teens. During that period I was often very bad and I had panic attacks regularly. Since then I have largely recovered and I definitely would not say I'm depressed anymore. My panic attacks have mostly stopped and in fact I feel almost at complete peace with my existence, except for one thing.

That thing is the fact that I simply don't want to live. I do not feel intense suffering on a daily basis and my life circumstances could be a lot worse, although they're not great either. However, I do not have any motivation/ambition to do anything and I don't want to have that ambition either. I am completely content with just killing myself and leaving no real trace of me behind. I don't want to go through adult life and grow old with many responsibilities. I don't want to stay around for very long whilst I have no ambitions I care about and lack the intellectual ability to achieve much anyway. I don't want to keep going through the tiresome struggles of daily life for decades to come.

This true lack of caring that I have, which most others fail to relate to at all, is what brings me a lot of peace. My mind is at peace knowing that I don't have any huge tasks ahead of me that are required to achieve my goals and feel good about myself. I feel much more happy setting little/no standards for myself and just being content with killing myself.

However, I have a key issue. My main issue is the fact that I do feel bad about my family, mainly my parents. I don't have any friends in real life - only a couple of internet friends that wouldn't miss me too much - and I have a very limited connection with my whole family. That said, my dad has had big struggles with depression (including right now), and I know my death would destroy him emotionally (he may even commit suicide himself). It could also hurt a number of other family members significantly like my mother, and that is a big factor that's pushing me back from suicide. I know I have to put myself and my needs first, but this makes it a whole lot more difficult.

Furthermore, whilst I'm fully committed to killing myself by age 25 at the latest, there are still quite a few more years because I have optimal life conditions to commit suicide. I won't go into the specific details but my current life circumstances aren't great for suicide and it'll probably be a few more years before I am in a comfortable enough position to go through with it. It seems that until then I will have to deal with the constant melancholy and tiresome struggles of life which I really do not enjoy, making things look bleak for the foreseeable future.

If you have any thoughts or advice around my situation please let me know.",7.347224576271187,7.010792593220341,7.520625000000003,73.98263241525427,63.745762711864394,10.697033898305088,34.878177966101696,10.198262852665088,3.4586144067796605,2450,97,449,49,32,796,261,590,0.249,0.634,0.117,-0.9985,5,0,0,0,0,9,50.0,0,1,0,9,20,36,6,5,26,0,60,7,0,2,9,102,97,28,8,15,16,3,6,2,2,7,7,2,0,2,33,30,0,4,13,0,0,10,20,23,0,2,6,9,66,13,74,78,26,57,0,8,1,0,17,19,0,13,26,332,99,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824252384409132,0.0,0.0,0.059682936204528,0.0,0.0,0.04766381182552524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212600298480415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059109309788955185,0.0,0.0,0.049047484847827436,0.10611708643034097,0.0,0.13561208308233655,0.0,0.045830368563666776,0.14929589821909853,0.03633291286239,0.0,0.05071703336433628,0.0671512043814534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153671311157273,0.0,0.0,0.05134196823146819,0.12498342487114728,0.06440874199607659,0.0,0.09517492183541557,0.06594863702806056,0.0,0.0,0.061447191798701374,0.2053409520058417,0.0,0.0,0.06227155324565434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408877617232434,0.0,0.06158494586197625,0.0,0.03936665300165559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856278648932152,0.0,0.18081980455937371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069755196479085,0.0,0.0,0.09209693489572718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549308446415573,0.04999144932653324,0.0,0.13142314504593294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344758899116376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380532626967388,0.0,0.0,0.12441830329952312,0.0,0.052977122809177817,0.1978228196605372,0.0,0.1310231151545771,0.0,0.06723381282932488,0.06311006304006651,0.0,0.060947228877427574,0.2946912912595561,0.05823719241235385,0.0,0.10525956758301694,0.05274602054459786,0.0500507885188632,0.0,0.0,0.2026864406510909,0.0,0.0,0.0795697858771752,0.06042721757127732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018117326652511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144329794907408,0.0441942334495399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254242239675242,0.0,0.040387954275212565,0.045330115148494624,0.0,0.1398605444551771,0.06618112581092098,0.0,0.0,0.04132062100156442,0.052042291871307184,0.0,0.06542525428018099,0.0,0.0,0.05708237696339623,0.0,0.06426119038881102,0.0,0.0,0.0599166154371548,0.0,0.06339421512406104,0.0,0.135680573474703,0.03818265868713406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089990403649385,0.05669528627310055,0.04739801597275703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425955203428324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049303508189548866,0.2009859162137978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352795359018,0.047598347993659695,0.04983005993929927,0.0,0.18692730106823785,0.0,0.2607802803138791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879104525743912,0.0,0.0,0.04731744352299982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046594237175749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671203842328694,0.21092932731715186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525178322805805,0.0,0.13308732717746952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073967516345535,0.08467930392941987,0.0,0.0,0.11514547691567273
suicidewatch,throwaway131906687,2018/03/15,"I Can't Catch a Break I got hired in October at my dream job... but my boss has put me in charge of too many things and changed the way I'm measured. I can see the CEO glare at me when he walks across the desk area. I'm failing. And the idea of having to do the job search again... for what? Why? Why do we do this? How do we even get ahead? I got screwed over last year at the company I had spent nearly 5 years with. I'm trying to pay for a wedding, and my fiancee is traveling and unreachable right now. I keep picturing my belt around my neck in the closet. I try to push it away, but the anxiety just comes back and I'm just so tired. Everyone else around me appears to succeed, but I ""get up every morning"" and put on Carol King to try to tell myself I can do it and I don't see the point anymore. I'm sorry if I off myself while you're away, to my fiancee. ",0.9550531914893624,2.291883920212765,2.8010106382978712,95.90875,79.47872340425532,6.189361702127662,21.324468085106385,6.9077264865688965,0.2167276595744685,659,18,163,7,16,220,112,188,0.108,0.86,0.032,-0.934,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,4,13,3,1,0,11,0,13,3,1,2,0,24,28,15,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,5,13,0,1,1,2,2,8,2,2,0,0,4,2,24,1,29,24,0,38,0,1,2,1,7,19,1,2,9,104,29,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217956622929888,0.0,0.1454279532086627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610822345097802,0.0,0.0,0.2755471171261348,0.11275747794737545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551261845620598,0.12631778953713582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224993049835088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685465438772847,0.0,0.12355092939472904,0.1401212632817727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322719742379032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456357627802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553925337256048,0.0,0.0,0.2910360998482793,0.13034079681407953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953156347243285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867043111925216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862265248858194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948283706010774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523016913873344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337069547434847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641520123152375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817024342002722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974214193612244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685416606778448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986777816284367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639638788854242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646404504130074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888633233227224
suicidewatch,What_u_callme,2018/03/15,"At Behavioral Health Intake, nor for me. So my family member (18) is being admitted for the second time. Her mom said she was catatonic 2 days ago. I don't know what happened.

I feel so weird being here at her intake, trying to support her in some weird way, when I think about it every day. I have things hidden in my house to do it. I've come really close lately. The only reason I haven't tried is because if I don't succeed my life will go to shit.

And here I am, telling her there are people here for her. That it's not right. Obviously I don't tell a single person what goes on. Maybe she's just stronger to get help. She defiantly has people who loves her enough to notice and take actions for her. I'm not jealous, I should be. I'm just a hypocrite. 

Last time this happened I thought,  well now I'll have to wait till this blows over, people will just say I wanted the attention. And that I was just a bad selfish person.",1.6798487492728356,3.6373184188481713,3.2519982547993003,90.6469211751018,79.47120418848165,5.9198371146015125,20.035194880744623,6.937597516519254,0.29540814426992457,722,18,154,8,18,238,117,191,0.093,0.813,0.095,-0.1607,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,14,10,2,0,6,0,20,4,1,1,1,24,38,9,0,3,7,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,11,5,0,1,7,0,0,3,7,6,1,1,4,3,26,4,18,28,3,22,0,0,0,1,21,8,1,2,10,105,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318952877307384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423525314332268,0.09070233035342452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817128594019714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191729041118807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374209399414754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536382688182995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026802276451156,0.0,0.0752337956391565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773777156322846,0.0,0.08456202337959129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631528623056692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815912682652364,0.0,0.0,0.09973226016109707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168619559304996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177228949200946,0.12128548367449052,0.16784405712976436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509631526236923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429074941116675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948174130771708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426359995767474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940088025015765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316315580669005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094612835492329,0.25983918038935544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532007893585312,0.15298313975274785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706770658222366,0.14153543385033374,0.11832551161368962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527330319833163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884759973848845,0.0,0.0,0.1118732000508326,0.0,0.2601018427983722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885091120895874,0.09534001936509333,0.0,0.11812436867249625,0.1735238304884622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204024306926155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776148135074785,0.11810430477872295,0.0,0.0,0.13378203677767225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hexa0decimal,2018/03/15,"Sharing. Problems. I have a lot of problems and I'm pretty sure I have mild mental illness.  I have never been diagnosed, but there are just some things you know.  There is a lot wrong with me, a large part of it is severe social anxiety.  When I talk to people, or need to be near people, I start sweating profusely.  I cannot make eye contact, if I do it's for a split second.  I'm very awkward.  I'm alone, and being alone for all my adult life, which I'm only in my early 20's, has been miserable.  I don't have friends.  I don't know how to make them.  I don't have a boyfriend because I don't know what guy would ever want me.  

I'm a computer science student.  Most of my time goes towards programming.  Unfortunately, I'm becoming so hopeless and my depression is deepening to the point where I can't even focus on my work anymore.  This area of study requires me to work non-stop all day, barely sleep, I barely eat.  I have no free time.  I love my field of study, however the depression is making it very hard to focus and stay motivated.  It's not what I'm doing that is upsetting.  It's how I'm living.  

Loneliness...it kills.  I can easily make friends as it's rather simple to start a conversation about my curriculum with my peers.  I can't go further than a conversation.  I've tried putting myself out there.  
",1.5922417153996091,3.7869823233082727,3.5567335004177143,87.10980646059595,81.03007518796994,6.797883597883597,23.76162628794208,7.921354282810032,1.364598050682261,1022,37,211,19,27,345,147,266,0.236,0.677,0.087,-0.9916,1,2,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,1,1,4,13,16,1,3,10,0,28,8,3,7,5,38,49,12,1,7,6,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,12,7,1,1,4,0,1,2,10,10,0,1,2,2,31,7,24,44,7,21,0,4,1,1,13,9,0,6,9,135,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569370038323809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489060795575996,0.0,0.1230147999103924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561390958355886,0.13699293630961187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999583135366095,0.0,0.21367172290284495,0.12589844999046024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692435138851713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819275501512519,0.11220169228150573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166669445149292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704950486400132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281955127872952,0.0,0.0,0.11111588294252832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723238445933011,0.0,0.2045081690844106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761344111942047,0.0,0.0,0.10952999359247073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109095168786972,0.11195135278573297,0.0,0.3311918654960323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500360321586182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197442508462793,0.09566764513694784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433835490241277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432372425365774,0.0,0.1719880655967461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172583226449136,0.0,0.0,0.12619373527816907,0.0,0.2373799252963375,0.0,0.12469491668276525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401304065438984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413003474096053,0.1264436222827103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559294384281554,0.1322106200785469,0.0,0.10370337388208084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690666013292357,0.0,0.0,0.09969901852380199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240696609758502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465797271163489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421532617823531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469273057835347,0.07316227366945582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806058559567652,0.0,0.0,0.08811477977514222,0.13561876448014618,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pikuit,2018/03/15,"Feel like I’m on a downwards spiral Some days I’m fine but others all I want to do is overdose, not really to kill myself but just as a compulsion. But then in the past when i’ve overdosed,  I then regret not doing something more damaging, and then I wish I had killed myself. For example early last Month.

Todays one of those days where I feel rubbish and I’m getting fleeting thoughts of overdosing, and doing other things. I have work tomorrow and I’m scared because I don’t know how I’m going to be. I had work earlier tonight and ended up having to talk to a manager about things because they got bad and my work are very supportive but I feel like I don’t deserve it and they probably wish they never hired me. I’m at College too but I’m rubbish at that. I just don’t see the point in life sometimes and although I’m not saying I want to end my life- I do wish my life would end. 

I thought everything was ok again but now it suddenly isn’t- I don’t have any reason to feel as low as I do. I was fine for the past 3 years- after getting out of a psychiatric hospital and getting my life back on track but now its all come back and I know its just going to get worse and worse and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it this time around.

Sorry this probably doesn’t make any sense I don’t know why I’m posting it. Thank you for listening.",1.0734211147850736,3.0685367979452067,2.965663675011811,91.73417808219179,81.7054794520548,6.21936702881436,22.39773264052905,7.372421405659032,0.8025721303731697,1083,36,238,16,29,362,140,292,0.12,0.7559999999999999,0.124,-0.6103,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,3,3,15,14,2,1,7,1,26,4,0,4,3,54,67,29,2,7,13,0,4,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,15,15,0,0,12,0,0,4,13,7,0,1,7,7,32,7,31,58,4,45,0,3,1,0,7,13,0,1,29,156,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101990298262375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575706618885268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814873203115536,0.0804342866669507,0.11744777841103354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298261318703341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425402583169776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559681476335844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657816382734135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483605602675727,0.1376410661125417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165088187783496,0.0,0.16424531340886164,0.0,0.07704654502493398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315706024942413,0.0,0.2647113282260286,0.07852450182686388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721722517746719,0.0941271746588629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430322979684377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689232577760101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429818434882737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527794127264053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839220818397473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106611184831362,0.0,0.09226067816478176,0.0,0.20772719428799052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061713582580282776,0.09904668285971184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660811146872648,0.09644644478930292,0.0,0.07676517256857412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416208537999637,0.09527610287242448,0.1078372491455281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931789404996337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774290623237862,0.0,0.08869076537897783,0.0,0.0,0.12799913596663398,0.0,0.0,0.15295576886208162,0.05617272542180389,0.0,0.09131271013226178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948506629176845,0.1136397595799756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692582497973797,0.0,0.3323356431267006,0.0,0.0,0.2103953822811992,0.0,0.196343737601621,0.06843241664638207,0.0,0.0,0.062035490653909925
suicidewatch,ifyouseekaimee1,2018/03/15,New Orleans LA people- I need a view. Any bridges/tall buildings with a great view of the sunset? I’d like to go out with a peaceful mind. ,-0.2643103448275852,2.0155679999999982,1.0719827586206918,100.29004310344831,93.13793103448276,2.9000000000000004,24.49137931034483,3.1291,-0.1327999999999996,108,5,24,0,4,34,24,29,0.0,0.6709999999999999,0.329,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975753581710031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486917730457723,0.0,0.0,0.4824431459359268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137837616659696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441839898849932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244665163076252,0.0,0.4226259452496968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033689443522836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bathingharambe,2018/03/15,Sunday is the day. Any suggestions for something crazy to really reckless to do?,3.937857142857141,7.2717499285714275,4.84,72.83000000000003,85.42857142857143,8.514285714285714,28.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.736828571428571,65,3,9,2,2,21,13,14,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.659,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957770210535396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701750602648404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670462339489285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612560676325509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoldenSable,2018/03/16,"Rejected from job I got my first interview in months at a job that would have been incredible. I made it past the phone screening, and I felt like I nailed the 7-hour technical interview. After a month-long process, the company emailed me to say that I didn't get the job and that they were going to ""continue looking for someone who better fit their needs.""  

This means going back to square one, throwing resumes and online applications into the HR black hole, and having to live in my parents' house. I get to hear my dad tell me more about what a disappointment I am and how I should be doing more to get a job. I ran out of money this month, and my parents will not be sharing theirs. 

I have almost no hobbies, almost no friends, and almost no good things in my life. Every day is pain. With this job interview, I thought there might have been a light at the end of the tunnel. Now I know I get to experience this hell for the foreseeable future. 

Life is awful.",6.055667311411987,6.112532574468088,6.2020502901354,81.0377272727273,66.34042553191489,9.389555125725336,30.38878143133462,9.095868883498916,2.3160042553191493,756,25,151,12,11,241,115,188,0.138,0.794,0.069,-0.9242,7,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,2,5,9,1,0,13,1,18,3,0,2,0,24,34,8,0,3,1,3,1,1,1,4,3,2,0,0,11,10,0,0,4,0,1,4,5,4,0,2,9,8,23,5,22,19,2,23,1,2,4,0,17,8,1,4,12,106,34,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34431693482794595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813335396122593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136937146364157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739184459400528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151659101362112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656971751058517,0.0,0.0,0.1121173631087186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110050239212186,0.0,0.0,0.09749311280518036,0.0,0.0,0.08855276551653041,0.0,0.23953048742967,0.0,0.13027889963168027,0.09613525347083823,0.09166963943699544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918162439162406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128746006149272,0.13225256297030724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.568698149123956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629904741491398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161914672337773,0.05599604861845946,0.0,0.10120886017654787,0.10143238739713087,0.09624936475131213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845332238950978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485145157609012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159046331054585,0.0,0.0,0.27445845017022746,0.0,0.0,0.08498701061595218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776674066009808,0.0,0.12196050799883346,0.0,0.2545371014655291,0.0,0.10941484086856136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911479931256441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711456350072642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100180259759851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614640369993897,0.0,0.0,0.09099304957060568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142058748703075,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pellen101,2018/03/16,"Retail makes me want to die I hate people, people are shit, I’m a human being you know. Why doesn’t anyone understand. I’m human too......",-1.6023809523809551,-0.3014888571428571,1.8228571428571416,90.30547619047621,116.14285714285714,3.295238095238096,8.238095238095239,5.46131890053228,-1.2761619047619046,104,1,20,1,6,37,23,28,0.35600000000000004,0.603,0.041,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23968447532064266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35575854159939546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384309617235961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883866406437421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881282650711365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752903620472985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518656868899553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568531099652845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218451448887675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30931173710737564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,friedappleinfusion,2018/03/16,"Sometimes I wish I wasn't so scared of death, so I could just kill myself I'm just so overwhelmed by everything in my life. Stress from work and an uncertain career. Loss of the only love I've ever had. Loneliness. Social anxiety. etc. 

I'm always hurting so much, but I'm also so scared of death and nothingness. It's one of the only things stopping me from doing anything to myself. But I wish I wasn't scared. Sometimes I feel like I should harm myself in other ways too. ",1.4307081339712937,3.9213454105263175,3.0560765550239246,88.53435406698564,84.36842105263158,5.559808612440191,20.215311004784688,6.980632752743323,0.6108947368421056,374,11,72,5,11,123,60,95,0.253,0.556,0.191,-0.7159,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,1,6,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,14,13,10,3,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,3,1,12,2,10,8,2,5,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,52,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150876844738713,0.1368336622891794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580204246336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532644748159708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129810938609196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834026583135895,0.0,0.14875236191383287,0.0,0.0,0.14779499155061948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314969959300787,0.11748147167737205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604466694405138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819370180993012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615427572352675,0.0803408409719419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842047216672385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088798309026988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143401929927492,0.250139776423183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939225156524101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763372352980072,0.0,0.0,0.32528596580282404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374856429499282,0.188374287848555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925174652815337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053093200418994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782134847599151,0.0,0.0,0.1197198861387698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cyyra,2018/03/16,"Rant and also asking for advice I don’t really know if this is the right sub for this but here goes:

My living conditions aren’t great. They aren’t the worst but they certainly aren’t “normal.” My house is completely trashed. My mom has a chronic illness that renders her unable to leave the house most of the time and also creates some memory loss problems. My dad is pretty good but is overworked because of medical payments and making up for the loss of my moms income. My sister used to hurt me a lot, but even though that’s stopped for the most part I still can’t trust her and I get really upset when I’m near her. I’m a minor and thinking about how long I have to stay here makes everything seem so bleak. I don’t know anymore. 

I don’t know what I’m looking to accomplish with this but I’m looking for advice I guess. I could use some outside input.",2.0187731092437,4.172424114285718,3.3264201680672265,89.54875630252104,79.28571428571429,6.174789915966388,22.294117647058826,7.285733465282438,0.8190907563025207,680,21,138,9,17,221,102,175,0.166,0.6920000000000001,0.142,-0.4097,4,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,11,10,0,1,9,0,14,3,0,5,1,33,32,17,0,4,6,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,0,2,20,4,16,31,7,9,0,3,2,0,10,3,0,8,5,93,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680757947377678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938462470416054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603269700753728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823252595299955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361566298874754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438168744243901,0.0,0.0,0.10951660026972866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059743717352127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232767561330297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166403865478785,0.0,0.0,0.1150490794679292,0.0,0.1512269804337283,0.15110479363401086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165443492927115,0.1468399926661202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615000651052225,0.0,0.0,0.14523993114296346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112087685754412,0.121388381233261,0.23037128242181054,0.0,0.0,0.1166143847182004,0.0,0.0,0.18311992834683585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818121095618965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32129640745700444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439442888241088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853837502180206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954803948670488,0.0,0.13125018890828802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574524414763698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713977456733693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248715850007022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620165407271624,0.10954165551584054,0.11467766194178625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789100453659207,0.1347657729613127,0.0,0.07998311660849187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369363047041891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dropaline99,2018/03/16,"Fantasizing about drowning I’ve been thinking a lot about checking out. One thing I need to tell you, I view death very differently from most people. I believe in reincarnation and think physical death is not a big deal. I believe that I have an eternal soul. Please, respect my beliefs.
In addition, I think death *can be* a very pleasurable experience. I’m craving this experience.


Anyway... I just don’t enjoy being on earth right now, in this body which is very painful to be in. I want to drown. But I also want to live... but I don’t feel good, and I just can’t kick this sadness!! It follows me everywhere. In addition my body is uncomfortable to be in because I have a condition. 

What to do? Should I give up.",1.893152173913041,4.5012288043478295,3.5925905797101443,84.66758152173914,83.42028985507247,6.928260869565218,26.74094202898551,8.07648339933343,2.0165202898550723,557,25,109,12,16,185,85,138,0.149,0.746,0.105,-0.8421,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,16,3,2,0,0,21,26,5,5,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,1,2,17,4,18,20,2,14,2,1,1,0,4,11,0,2,2,77,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082966018704054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972812625208992,0.0,0.0,0.3686389700653887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36344210250380815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866286842310094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092561082337193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200614473527027,0.0,0.0,0.08272031645372664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693858706960945,0.0,0.13721865870881653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444604714865268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908559313285038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130621372866522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085857658254054,0.0,0.17408033701312606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341859992526085,0.0,0.0,0.17958202370509796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971222387801716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429922986318176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086875730178962,0.31448193616647496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049576841833154,0.1929892662760537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mindofanentj,2018/03/16,"Feel like i am drowning. I have been thinking that life would get better my entire life. If i work hard, things will change. I have done all of that. But yet here i am still miserable and lonely. I just don't want to be alone anymore. My family is a mess and on drugs, my friends all have these great families to help them so they they don't understand how I feel . Over the past few months i have lost everything, my job, my savings, my girlfriend. The only thing i have left is my dog- and I love her more than anything. The fact that I can't even afford dog food for her right now makes me feel worst. I am planning on killing myself soon. I have been dealing with this feeling for years. I have lived my whole life unhappy and I just can't do it anymore. I told my parents.. They told me to grow up like its a joke. I mentioned it to my roommate, he laughed it off. In a week I will be evicted anyways. I just want to find a good home for my pup. She is all i have and I just want someone to love her and take care of her.",0.6618686868686865,2.636244277777781,1.896498316498317,98.9528787878788,83.07407407407408,5.0383838383838375,20.929292929292927,6.11248444174946,-0.10089999999999977,788,24,188,6,22,250,122,216,0.126,0.7040000000000001,0.17,0.9225,4,3,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,4,4,13,18,1,1,7,0,27,7,0,2,4,31,45,10,2,5,6,1,5,2,2,3,4,0,1,0,11,7,1,0,7,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,5,44,12,19,34,7,17,0,3,0,2,20,8,0,1,10,136,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077087449762728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25043886587744657,0.0,0.0,0.10390407639074102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116697773682611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873402135302145,0.0,0.13357000794020515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017209201363542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292113662143797,0.0,0.0,0.1464255376872608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339583025352623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347746414707888,0.0,0.2380599222482989,0.0,0.2553704142585712,0.09020264726392327,0.0,0.0,0.11540252293109172,0.0,0.15267828753409296,0.0,0.0975508427032279,0.0,0.06596745106034371,0.0,0.0,0.10590380701117746,0.0,0.13920591998479326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310726727746764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463174154617364,0.0,0.1266525539944666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252970099063746,0.0,0.13969182062112548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371856281784041,0.0,0.2675508659797581,0.12337190597987475,0.0,0.11149295611114918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783149139394044,0.0,0.2279154203033117,0.0,0.08428184580542393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078229608812406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602905759190833,0.0,0.0,0.1402006397110446,0.0,0.1205327678780996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782831237315743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698262728433404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083416920053057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949344147756382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677676762870292,0.08090453244396834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130031047918196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314447238312711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342039562890806,0.0,0.10128093849163378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096865366889308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192130900018766,0.0,0.0,0.08969394548461691,0.0,0.0,0.08130953412877069
suicidewatch,MototheMo,2018/03/16,"I feel like dying is my only option. I really feel like just dying sometimes. I have really bad social anxiety and I keep making plans that I never even start. saying I'll get a job or my license. I look in the future and I know I won't be able to pay for a house, healthcare, or anything I want in life. I'll just live with my mom until she dies and then I'll be homeless. Maybe I'll be able to get disability but where I am you only get a maximum of 700 and less if they think it's not a serious health condition. With that money I wouldn't be able to afford anything except a house and food. I feel like my only option is to kill myself so that I don't end up becoming homeless and a burden. ",1.3580307692307727,2.880826680000002,4.014000000000003,86.83546153846157,78.86666666666667,6.748717948717951,20.2051282051282,7.61054688173877,0.6596974358974359,542,13,117,8,13,192,87,150,0.112,0.821,0.067,-0.8498,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,1,1,5,7,1,0,7,0,11,3,0,1,1,28,24,13,4,3,8,1,3,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,5,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,0,5,21,3,13,18,1,10,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,5,9,75,25,2,0.3749853081397409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956209114489928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572063852005226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043656897166329,0.0,0.13804727058030994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38917554730398657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070856049187984,0.0,0.0,0.08255808648520988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960383884329352,0.26788957906063826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151144574355028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591434655517784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132863949149668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884551327347048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403835238214785,0.11110139046958728,0.13828856158701852,0.0,0.06869403954686136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828773759071608,0.18319888031753867,0.0,0.11037296571223673,0.0,0.10496440545807843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343520166397171,0.0,0.1255743811591508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639275360194845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640392891611224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851932243254122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601501269612681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940112261364123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741676621169776,0.0,0.0,0.12362335269990175,0.0,0.08847217704669917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009181473761016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737253500917143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lifesoxymorons,2018/03/16,"Love and suicide Hey guys.... this is going to be one hell of a long post but I hope someone will read and respond...
I am 25 years old, about 7 months ago I made the dive to leave my parents house and move about 900 miles away. I am one of 5 and had a very dysfunctional way of life. So I broke free and moved away. 
Meanwhile, I had met this guy, he is 55 years old. 30 years older than I am. He had/has been a friend to me through it all. No matter what. We had never met in person, so, 6 months ago we finally did(he lives 500 miles south of where I moved to) ...... fast forward a couple months, things are getting serious... we have had a bumpy relationship and it wasn’t easy to be long distance but I moved in with him 2 months ago. He has 2 kids, one is my age (weird I know) the other is 17. I love him so much and I’m not sure if he feels the same. I don’t be know what to do, I don’t want to move back to my hometown because it always made me depressed and suicidal and I don’t want him to leave me. I feel like this is going to end badly either way.... ",-0.3171594202898547,1.4867895956521764,1.6918478260869565,100.00182971014496,85.65217391304348,4.702898550724638,16.97463768115942,5.7366,-0.7794927536231882,797,17,203,5,24,264,124,230,0.132,0.735,0.133,0.0477,1,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,3,0,0,0,7,13,1,0,8,0,25,3,0,2,3,32,42,15,2,4,5,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,10,13,0,0,4,1,1,8,7,6,0,3,10,2,27,8,23,28,4,40,1,2,0,2,23,9,1,2,23,120,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508863064714869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850036262071702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727541859912666,0.07254341584765166,0.07877189127562352,0.05751019879037979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438797571235738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812568965664055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355928767418777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540461697298257,0.0673981677724816,0.0,0.103347393265053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288863755430712,0.0,0.04928996508361052,0.0,0.10723382201377864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186827446121654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370320458374193,0.0,0.10885836339206628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369613671237704,0.0,0.0,0.1997897765507633,0.0,0.0,0.0666367662145417,0.04609088906954973,0.0,0.08330599144660099,0.1669799577265019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029524300537854,0.17853795668829214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012125389344306,0.5013547455814023,0.06935245575038393,0.0,0.07276260836048189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799277632883588,0.0,0.1917863801260432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475597472662514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237606938814987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035385792011523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436784409053416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128833831062976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993593626308391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063903576664072,0.0,0.08891651418624295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267684118021959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784228914587424,0.1112910819149457,0.14976907471633702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226007070543
suicidewatch,veryberryme,2018/03/16,Dont take yourself so seriously We all die one day anyway. We are thousands thinking suicide. Dont waste time seeking hope here. ,1.9800000000000004,4.747337000000002,2.9750000000000014,84.42000000000002,95.66666666666666,4.066666666666666,31.0,5.985473137389443,1.8607,104,6,17,1,4,33,21,24,0.324,0.517,0.159,-0.7513,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949346202032282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137012580171491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7084999362776709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30021534635957176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048212217585087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306266471213464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272641481765887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367791641163612,0.0,0.0,0.17625197771396744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rawsain,2018/03/16,"I dont think this place is for me Im 19, almost 20 I have a therapist who i can talk too, a strong family unit and no real major traumas have happened.

I just dont see a point to life at all, I know I have a privledged life but I just dont care if I die I die. I wish I did care and have something inside me telling me its worth living. ive looked online for similar people but icant relate to them for example many people say how they feel worthless i dont  think of myself as worthless but i just dont see a point at all it just seems like so much you have to go through to die anyway. 

Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes i just dont know what to do ",0.3338062622309224,2.022083965753428,2.540156555772996,95.42534246575345,82.63013698630138,5.267318982387477,20.01761252446184,6.18269132825596,-0.08997299412915805,513,14,122,4,14,174,84,146,0.152,0.6890000000000001,0.159,0.4539,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,1,9,8,0,0,5,0,16,2,0,1,2,25,30,10,3,3,10,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,1,5,22,4,14,29,4,6,0,2,3,0,7,5,0,4,1,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320991201177412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009126714853538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101738665044765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209117697282309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7247850067301188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716540700121948,0.0,0.052115387594774784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058577167173154435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114463320122944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133349772637552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328936750255345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456030540038409,0.050354891087243336,0.0,0.09101287067555802,0.0,0.08655300505741326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449700040352072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576845286437782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429117911769152,0.0,0.10768641658807812,0.0,0.19486929934866692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731644704980795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196555614014475,0.0,0.0,0.16426720202718925,0.0938312346441123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934847180204682,0.0,0.11537864502044093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284391865435667,0.09008789358819276,0.0,0.0,0.11967244073608785,0.0,0.1320864385557905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185256377852922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cum_Brulee,2018/03/16,"Going out with a bang Hello. I'm done. Finished. I no longer wanna keep fighting. I want to feel happy for one last time and then just disappear. 
I'm stocking up on whatever hard drugs I can get my hands on. Ketamine, MDMA, speed. I wanna feel high, on top, and then just fall into darkness. If it's not from overdose, it's from finally jumping from that roof I've been staring at for these last 3 months. 
I don't know in what order I'll take these. I know ketamine usually slows you down so that's probably what I'm finishing with. I'm not unfamiliar with these kinds as I've taken them before. 
I guess I just needed to write this to someone. I'll start this tomorrow saturday. It's been nice lurking this sub.

I wish you all an ""adieu"".",0.374006622516557,2.7873302913907305,2.358473509933777,91.60088907284769,90.45695364238415,5.404105960264901,20.795033112582786,6.961326702584282,0.6598765562913904,578,20,120,9,20,192,98,151,0.08199999999999999,0.83,0.08800000000000001,0.4215,0,0,1,0,2,0,23.0,0,2,1,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,26,23,7,0,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,4,5,13,3,23,19,1,31,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,2,15,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458177333525451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995679396896327,0.0,0.0,0.2379282670612111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747692336639315,0.0,0.0,0.22475012083159526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719114685278266,0.0,0.11660097895754205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260142803645989,0.0,0.0,0.21840379582834266,0.18378908843643896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167699113884385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823616136966228,0.0,0.2136495741436636,0.2255085350445623,0.3344765312982729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637621239944638,0.0,0.0,0.15212852832670545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902628389356814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212044323278975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738371018980495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521806527620235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425984530294798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963436835346848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259621639264387,0.0,0.12101265120308105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359316106304612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressionValley,2018/03/16,"I think that I want to die... My life its a mess. I don't have nobody to talk to, I don't have nobody that really cares about me and what I do.

My parents treat me like shit, they often talk to me unless it's about school and how dumb I am.

I have no friend, I pass every day thinking about suicide and how I want to die. 

I know that if I make suicide my parents will be very sad, but I don't give a shit anymore, I just want to end this.",1.3890043290043297,1.7660618686868723,3.2752092352092355,96.77090909090911,76.77777777777777,6.0611832611832615,20.203463203463198,5.288315135182226,-0.4024354978354983,331,6,87,1,7,112,55,99,0.232,0.65,0.118,-0.9224,2,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,0,2,0,10,3,2,3,0,17,19,8,4,4,4,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,20,4,10,17,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,0,3,2,3,59,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847905427094872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173207829336416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956097983251284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526250715980476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046659922651576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313440627782126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125178206178745,0.0,0.0,0.16296799560604205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336367912132808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999393334766045,0.08299663061589338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339873804137456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37727165236817184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883189548528274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193144853629902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487665045922752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716505501135533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730922842595774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217709325022472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017190488095754,0.30060555360300784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sonyxperiaz,2018/03/16,"Started cutting. I'm now content with death. I'm content with being gone Ever since highschool started in 2015 I've been doing weed and it's destroyed me. I use to love basketball and running and life. But ever since I could careless about myself my body and my goals in life. I don't care to shower or dress up I don't care to get to school on time I just give up. Like my family warned me about drugs and I know they're not for me but I do because it's a good feeling. I use to be smart and always have something to say but now I don't care. My mom, my dad, my sister and brother are all done. They've lost me and I've lost myself. I just don't see a future trying anymore. I just do drugs to destroy myself. The damage I've done to myself is irreversible. I've taken xannax so many edibles and smoked any shitty weed I can get. Our fucked with my perception of reality I think everyone is out to get me and it's true I smell I look unkept I'm unessicarly mean and it's really bad. I failed math and I'm on track to fail everything else. So right now I'm down. I'm destined to work at McDonald's forever and never amount to anything. I had so much potential but it's gone. Physically I'm weak and now mentally I'm weak too. My mom knows I'm manipulative and a dick my dad's done trying to get me better I'm content that death is my only option. That's alright. It would destroy my family but they'd get over it. I've already told everyone I love them I've slowly removed myself from all my groups. I'm prepared to die. I'm prepared to be gone. I don't think I'll be here in a year and that's okay. 



*Serious*",-0.4151436781609199,1.7806431752873593,2.3455402298850565,92.02014942528736,91.38505747126436,5.277241379310347,19.22758620689655,6.841164205622888,0.33424896551724137,1267,40,280,19,45,440,160,348,0.231,0.6729999999999999,0.097,-0.9949,1,0,4,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,2,7,16,27,5,0,5,2,26,11,2,3,6,49,69,25,3,2,10,6,1,1,0,1,6,1,1,0,10,20,0,0,7,0,0,5,7,15,0,0,12,5,45,12,34,50,4,29,0,5,2,4,15,12,2,2,13,160,55,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317353152068932,0.0,0.08533513581805229,0.0,0.0,0.06974186504621062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170838558605197,0.0,0.0,0.08439517427525442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563030559652696,0.06251742617307439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070279674910883,0.0,0.11391703456873385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136892375536496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188293589216945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643734589026503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148523950782561,0.0,0.0,0.2378657161629013,0.0,0.08567270782811193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553626051967187,0.0,0.19599405974199366,0.09217107447249363,0.0,0.19336208283632889,0.0,0.05185559451740759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481173411306258,0.26790741624975056,0.0983814386127134,0.0,0.08601943792378185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272462463533504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448772287299728,0.050103874013020216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612154186435245,0.0,0.22390483878737216,0.0,0.18512230015096792,0.0,0.0,0.10397608712697448,0.0,0.11171397901188576,0.0,0.0,0.10335272410137568,0.0,0.0,0.2402256193982512,0.0,0.0,0.07539075022326841,0.0,0.07909781381415934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799875936031839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570025240215706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758260051624041,0.0,0.08155696119246185,0.0,0.10379254642524226,0.08172416836908504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696714185833617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895292291283729,0.0,0.0,0.14517988771728504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142799305754918,0.0,0.0,0.05980145835041342,0.0,0.0,0.09799702987099683,0.0,0.1392581197291771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715159346471476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466227661277444,0.0,0.0,0.07285312014268537,0.0,0.0,0.06604295559330761
suicidewatch,SuicidePreventionApp,2018/03/16,"You are worth it! Just wanted to let you all know, you are worth it and your life has purpose! Keep on keeping on, because we all depend on each other!
Love to all of you!",0.07833333333333314,2.1445157222222235,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,86.22222222222223,3.6,17.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0143666666666662,130,3,30,0,4,42,25,36,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.8469,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,12,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,8,4,3,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,0,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383535575523439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6950879902352167,0.0,0.0,0.21488660802511256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998300075997875,0.2761790191147236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528980759788541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306254008525003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bladez234,2018/03/16,"I've lost everything I have an MD to my name which was rendered worthless by the stroke of a pen. The residency program in which I was dismissed me because they believe I couldn't do the job. I am appealing their decision but I doubt it's going to work. 

An MD with just a completed internship year cannot do anything. I am also from an offshore medical school so that makes things worse. I cannot practice medicine. 

I am over qualified for most jobs and underqualified for others. My college degree is worthless. My grades In school sucked - my entire fucking life has just been me skating by. 

I have given all of myself to others that there is nothing left in this body anymore. 

I have been sitting on my couch all day... 

The easiest way out is dry ice and a bag. Carbon dioxide is a painless way to die - you just pass into oblivion. 

Cutting arteries is too slow - cut the wrists, cut the femorals and carotids and maybe retain some ability to function to finish the cuts before passing out and bleeding to death. 

Belts are unreliable - crushing the windpipe will only lead to needless panicking during asphyxiation. 

Will I go through with this? No. My lack of energy is a blessing in this case. But I don't want to go on anymore - not as a failure. 

Doctors have the highest suicide rate because the entire system can fuck you as you're working your way up - and the skills needed to enter medicine do not translate to other fields. 

God help me. ",4.276430960344005,6.388946205128208,4.8589106545628304,81.36761108456763,72.2967032967033,7.092148431278868,32.01608536391145,7.893859768569023,2.437100461856984,1146,55,202,16,23,366,167,273,0.208,0.708,0.084,-0.9905,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,3,2,5,7,12,7,1,20,0,29,9,2,2,2,32,40,12,3,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,12,11,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,11,0,0,6,1,27,1,35,31,5,28,1,3,0,2,7,12,3,3,4,146,39,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156170131314292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867601890958933,0.0,0.0,0.1189733569877434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626382375336705,0.0,0.12302314246153945,0.1628871334752134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059084108918045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158471092737866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323926772457014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004659280789487,0.0,0.0,0.1479791990943527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993517984090694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673155280767716,0.0,0.0,0.2464968462297997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690594199213344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869378451145407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708175542101752,0.0,0.1021179848321016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578212886287262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650530062830323,0.0,0.14524556977501654,0.0,0.0,0.1456446540242488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720093658838616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872413708558742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995621872537777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926363452545889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814218344430167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604956963786428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527440376044637,0.34427202059056233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105054409864237,0.0,0.14733483437451814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310191251814418
suicidewatch,FelixCarter,2018/03/16,"I received a suicide not in a video game and could use some advice. I received a message from a guildmate 14 hours ago and don't really know if there's anything I can do. I contacted the company through their customer service department with his account name, but other than that, I only know he lives in Canada. I don't have any contact info other than Discord and Teamspeak.

Is there anyone here with experience with something like this? I know it's vague and 14 hours old. I just now logged in and saw the message.

Thank you and I apologize if this isn't the proper place to ask these sort of questions.",3.788983050847456,5.809154338983056,4.5120000000000005,83.73088135593221,73.40677966101694,7.092881355932204,29.59661016949153,7.908726449838941,2.0877057627118645,484,21,89,7,10,155,79,118,0.07200000000000001,0.855,0.07400000000000001,0.0516,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,1,0,24,15,9,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,12,2,12,13,1,12,0,0,1,0,15,4,0,5,6,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118690112660419,0.1921933272663612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744156711364145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160201949747742,0.0,0.17842018913213012,0.0,0.2026926639339844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310905551217806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212086576025185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270380055481088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574673970401767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592480855006252,0.0,0.19145152921088054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275107656882108,0.0,0.0,0.16489750174282172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265254241295372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428823087732896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889717700433302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691470287979865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371603104618381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961403020912108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725846046567304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gamerrbro2331,2018/03/16,who do you choose? what do you do when your friend tries to kill herself and you want to help but the only thing you want is to die as well,0.1456989247311853,1.8205530322580683,1.0012903225806475,106.28860215053764,83.19354838709677,4.133333333333334,13.559139784946234,3.1291,-1.7879118279569894,108,1,29,0,3,33,23,31,0.198,0.58,0.222,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,6,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914837084349401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914309759506481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25283544817997017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173262115201633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868846767297562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506011033756221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561003597245907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449756464841425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33915646925553383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heesemeesegooses,2018/03/16,"Happy Birthday to me So I’ve came to the conclusion that I will end my life tomorrow. It’s my birthday tomorrow and most people turning my age are out with friends, family having a good time but no I’m sleeping on the streets after being made homeless again due to my dad wishing I would just fuck off and literally packing my things and throwing them out the door, and my mom making up every excuse possible just to avoid me staying with her. I have no friends I could go to, my family are going through enough stuff due to my grandad slowly dying in hospital, last thing I want to do is add more worry and reveal what my dad is actually like. At least I know if I commit suicide by overdosing on my sleeping tablets and antidepressants while on the streets no one will know until a few days later. So there will be less drama than if I was to attempt to do it at home where I would most likely be found before I eventually did drift off. I lack the motivation to help myself now at this point I know my life is doomed to be nothing more than just living off benefits in some crummy council house which I know would only be put in place because I am so severely fucked up. Idk why I’m posting this here I just wanted somebody to know even if I don’t know that person. ",6.996045248868782,5.933529992156867,7.423137254901963,76.77950226244344,64.76470588235293,10.199095022624435,34.125188536953246,9.265573868473778,2.885790346907993,1008,37,198,15,13,332,152,255,0.16899999999999998,0.721,0.11,-0.9745,0,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,3,13,11,2,1,7,0,25,6,2,3,1,45,45,15,2,11,8,3,0,2,2,6,2,0,2,1,11,12,0,1,10,1,0,6,4,4,0,1,5,0,32,7,36,28,10,44,1,1,0,2,10,21,2,6,17,149,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.1144947675424184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152178763703711,0.0,0.09983710647156673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419146482166214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936765044639532,0.0,0.0,0.0756665657606576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176747693256867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391738776488213,0.12123072642871367,0.0,0.07749374256419392,0.0,0.09885352414509382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121195116684697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286436065497966,0.18129395362772302,0.216934865295342,0.0,0.0,0.1333599049715033,0.09840878533306828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489736242990357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864218597261663,0.0,0.11768910249478412,0.0,0.0,0.13538024407498947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38688093023759945,0.095637615627091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574384169273945,0.1146406324224358,0.0,0.10360237930760384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110181680118501,0.07831705304480073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741261266908378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125789519538558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795041867330233,0.08923289144177375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134015270115019,0.10244589420787467,0.1225823215422527,0.0,0.1109124617027899,0.1322691878164564,0.11236736395059206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794659738559465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254673952877574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482457217240385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250555611354724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431197842084633,0.1283373005295382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589442634310066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841463998665855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761868678574526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840566184842226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586986792746376,0.0,0.13492089626841364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191518258249084,0.0,0.25003838320769706,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jre9494,2018/03/16,"Suicide materials ready I bought a camping charcoal grill, charcoal, and lighter fluid. It’s all in the back of my car now. I have my note ready and a warning side to post on my car window so no one enters into the CO filled car. 

When I gain the courage I’ll drive out to the lake, light up my grill and escape this lonely life. It will be soon. Just wanted to share. ",1.6610714285714252,3.523493039473685,2.7732330827067675,94.51763157894736,79.13157894736842,4.869172932330828,21.383458646616546,5.288315135182226,-0.15047518796992465,285,8,63,1,7,91,56,76,0.145,0.677,0.17800000000000002,0.2165,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,5,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,1,1,1,7,2,9,2,1,17,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839437661017721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526821928951487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383499578020985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782074304927628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5461714911243549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945099608605506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HeroesNeverDieDieDie,2018/03/16,"I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't have an excuse to be depressed or suicidal. My closest friend in the world told me I was a manipulative bitch, and that she never wanted to talk to me again out of the blue, right after I told her I'd started cutting and wanting to kill myself. I feel like all of what she said was true. I'm a horrible person to people, because I don't know how to understand their feelings. Then, my other closest friend told me she didn't want to be as close anymore (we had a close relationship, but she then cut off a bunch of things that we did, rendering us as distant friends).

I've started shoving everybody away, because I'm scared to take their help anymore. My now-distant friend keeps trying to help, but I'm too scared to take it. I feel like I'm too deep into this to deserve help at all. There are people who've suffered and have a reason to be depressed; I just am, and I don't think I deserve the help to fix me, because I shouldn't be broken in the first place.",5.8115974025974,4.740826280952383,6.464978354978356,82.71487012987014,67.14285714285714,8.969696969696969,32.42424242424242,7.686295010490155,2.0441904761904763,789,28,170,7,11,260,107,210,0.156,0.6890000000000001,0.155,0.1801,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,3,0,2,1,6,17,4,2,10,0,19,0,0,3,4,34,43,12,2,4,4,0,4,3,4,1,0,1,0,1,8,10,0,1,9,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,9,6,30,8,27,29,3,23,0,3,1,0,26,15,1,1,11,114,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272650024136072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765161521059508,0.0,0.0,0.20954058401746048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737505022406765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231740219751828,0.2455677729132627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746162923217774,0.0,0.0,0.35409667624429264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072020451677193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184390568999216,0.1267657152151329,0.0,0.1259402651128877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793389723307642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837110501659155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887059187767713,0.10004677461106364,0.11971163890427534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780725046316395,0.0,0.12301596360399412,0.0,0.09785063347049633,0.10899175119537544,0.0,0.2294289954903024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220052723460374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533184545412554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229969419904462,0.09209500686889284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612181364643884,0.07341819208743693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284580976558041,0.0,0.07779225069300978,0.0,0.0,0.1192817471605551,0.13782554695582644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027466326919886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Edacious1,2018/03/16,"Soft Suicide I'm not sure if anyone else appreciates this distinction. I've tried ""hard"" suicide: about 6-7 attempts over 2 years, culminating in taking 15 oxycodone washed down with a fifth of whiskey. I either want to live or suicide is just one more thing I fail at.
While I try to think of a way to succeed, I'm practicing ""soft"" suicide: I am inconsistent with my meds, I drink too much, I drive my car/motorcycle too fast, I don't eat right or sleep enough.  Anyone else do this while waiting to die? ",4.433852813852816,5.5671776666666695,5.063088023088024,83.9527272727273,70.31313131313132,8.08138528138528,29.294372294372288,8.418075326091056,1.952109956709956,395,15,81,6,7,127,71,99,0.255,0.6729999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9714,0,0,2,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,0,2,13,10,5,5,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,3,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,9,2,13,10,4,11,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,4,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124477835880664,0.31131381835912525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766585122838198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148820814994121,0.0,0.15544900709312248,0.2538143034999366,0.0,0.0,0.15697086084819672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608778368162955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414548559517805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874552887864866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116764675901704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294288420235499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973627957075307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520267028338174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6646901206156238,0.0,0.1431799654000849,0.0,0.11422267032794675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009268979300463,0.09734227318116363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628332850577774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960457685365115,0.12058463566718206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782956089484228
suicidewatch,anotherthrowaway999g,2018/03/16,"I think one of the main reasons I haven't done it yet is because I don't want to be a nuisance to be dealt with after I'm gone That and I dont want to fuck up and be a fate worse than death.

So ashamed of myself.

Anyone relate? Please",-0.155555555555555,1.2769086296296308,1.9516296296296325,100.30633333333336,83.07407407407408,4.32,18.20740740740741,3.1291,-0.95461037037037,182,4,47,0,5,61,40,54,0.233,0.6729999999999999,0.094,-0.7709,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,7,14,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,9,9,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453107447993095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957487236789952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286121340164173,0.3763443887691712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29686564336549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759583470011998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524878412646133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33015970189871874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575752611347414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37880389391645264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32724361889054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ebonymilk1,2018/03/16,"This world is so strange The world we live in at this moment in time is so strange. It's so arbitrary that we live in this world at this exact particular time as sentient beings, and death is something that we comprehend and think of. Death and suicide are arbitrary too, people die all the time out of nowhere accidentally or naturally. Death is timeless, and I feel that suicide can be..okay because the world just isn't the best for everyone. In the end we all return to the world, and I like to imagine people's souls return to the natural world, at peace. ",5.691230158730158,6.508665768518517,5.941957671957674,79.94166666666669,67.24074074074073,9.134391534391536,32.09523809523809,9.23628265651192,2.6957682539682537,445,18,86,8,7,142,58,108,0.247,0.6729999999999999,0.08,-0.9755,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,3,18,10,10,6,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,15,9,3,21,1,0,0,0,4,14,0,1,8,58,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412217116206481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431196361770412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404331893857779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518770366561265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136721134054613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171375129005006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318052069762717,0.0,0.409131421827463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32121668004821635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834814376933034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068109689184973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484425005203394,0.0,0.0,0.4052596926627909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sycon,2018/03/16,"User on /r/confession is planning to kill themselves due to mental illness & a bad breakup [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/84wa8k/im_going_to_kill_myself_next_week_and_i_dont_feel/)

I've submitted things like this before to good effect. Hopefully this has a happy ending.",16.262017543859653,21.010787131578947,10.15526315789474,44.81517543859653,46.105263157894754,11.382456140350875,41.614035087719294,11.20814326018867,6.159445614035089,253,11,22,6,3,67,33,38,0.239,0.503,0.258,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419534744088015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635135928195637,0.0,0.0,0.2685531452318818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795287475252308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26471108542364624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359630571952664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31346293327109137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34916566745821165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418667215272933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180515060166645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022584495569417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967123346309566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jarkous,2018/03/16,"I think suicide is the best option for me I know that many of you will try to talk me out of doing this. But I feel as if living will only cause me more and more pain each and every day of my life, I’ve tried everything from counselling to pills to try and help but nothing does, absolutely nothing. I always got told “don’t do it,things will get better” but it never has gotten better. I’ve written my suicide note and i broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years(I got with her when I was 12)to spare her less pain. I’m failing school, I struggle a lot in school with things most people find basic and easy so i won’t have a good job and I won’t have a high salary so I just think what’s the point in being in school for longer to end up in a shitty job. I’m grateful for everything I’ve been given and for the people who have been in my life but I’m sorry. I can’t live any longer like this, waking up everyday questioning my life and crying myself to sleep. I just can’t. ",1.0249038461538442,2.894873221153848,2.648692307692308,94.59630769230768,81.21153846153845,5.121538461538462,18.092307692307692,5.985473137389443,-0.3773219230769227,762,16,172,5,20,250,114,208,0.175,0.703,0.122,-0.9189,3,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,0,4,5,10,0,1,7,0,19,8,2,1,1,31,33,17,2,1,7,0,1,1,1,5,6,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,9,1,24,5,27,18,7,16,0,2,0,0,9,11,0,5,6,110,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979365624344037,0.0,0.0,0.08004063572305288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351981382594855,0.20819373008872485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091122775403225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928889179125955,0.07590733157569736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300083478888797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424804575511197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991680692691005,0.0,0.2115639262347513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951310232698854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757647358533333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149385278796955,0.0,0.0,0.09872191532872228,0.18827229462621103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788924200067883,0.12435744379234427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335999271794576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468532646407166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24940684081916215,0.05750270552031625,0.0,0.20786406992511844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006508063778463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193302202073926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077817603234542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22587434089281885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951682437331833,0.2504840734156086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319794296028067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126537753782867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185192466865925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573587282338784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778588391598376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175650080244716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304651720303088,0.0,0.25749132200977304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460351031793474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819523585000368,0.15083594494011585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246823646956328,0.0,0.2397335178518997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItFrightensMe,2018/03/16,Hi folks I am suffering a side affect of the drug neurotin. The suicide sort of one's. I am a healthy sound adult and I know this is not forever. I am totally healing. What I need is information. I would like to speak on the phone with bored people in chronic pain. I can't use technology well. Picture a sick old man in the body of 34 year old man in tears. For tomorrow though. It'll be hard but I love the world and that helps.,-0.2006666666666668,2.075005711111114,1.888333333333336,94.8825,91.88888888888887,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.6006666666666667,334,12,77,6,12,111,67,90,0.161,0.6990000000000001,0.14,0.4754,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,0,9,7,1,2,1,13,13,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,5,2,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,3,8,3,10,10,1,10,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,1,5,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27061965896044243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825351767190986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824595800158647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330105001809106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389349358831945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902603811038805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198869287744681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064966036063448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5113005241738067,0.0,0.16509100063492432,0.0,0.25924107916868233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890339682768782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26649330348292183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393666987192532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041938103995408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190539655279425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306881803811328,0.0,0.0,0.1568906896765896
suicidewatch,likethelonley,2018/03/16,"Method Can anyone message me and run through the different methods of actually committing, I’m not going to I’m just curious about the different ways as I’ve had a friend who I recently found out has attempted and I’d just like to be more informed so I can help a little better.",3.0941071428571405,5.1818759107142895,5.2137142857142855,77.63128571428574,75.60714285714286,9.48,30.84285714285714,9.888512548439397,3.5115685714285707,225,11,42,7,5,78,43,56,0.0,0.738,0.262,0.9167,2,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,7,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,27,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.28159654931317163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177045129423787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552111463289945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6029753061039649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163952071626598,0.22294360191610996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399740295029114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341816814579813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097764987067002,0.2892166398376513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28492184513954816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290484367198196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isitworthdoing,2018/03/16,"Its be so dark for so long I'm writing this to get it off my chest and because I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. Recently spent some time in a mental institution, and am currently taking my meds as prescribed. I just feel so alone all the time. I try to form relationships but they don't seem meaningful in any kind of way. A lot of my friends have stopped talking to me because its hard for me to maintain relationships which contributes to me feeling alone. I feel like I've really given it a good go but I just don't think I was supposed to make it this long. I feel like everyone got this handbook that I just didn't get. This isn't about feeling bad for me or anything I guess I just wanted to put it out there on the internet. I have a couple people in my life who say they support me but I don't FEEL like they do. Its like I'm incapable of trusting people when they say that they're my friend, or that they love me. I feel like I'm broken and will forever feel like I'm alone in a world full of people loving everyone but me, regardless of what those few people tell me, I just can't believe them. The smallest things make me feel like its over. I'll try to participate in conversations other people have and am not heard, or just ignored. Literally, ignored, like I didn't say or post a thing. Its small but with where I'm at mentally it feels like the worst kind of rejection. I'm rambling. I just need to get this out. My therapist says I'm not suicidal, that I just have an overwhelming ""wish for death"". Which I think is true. I'm too concerned with whomever may find me to ever commit suicide but I would totally welcome being hit by a car... Why can't my brain be different? Why did I have to be born this way? Why can't I be normal!? This whole thing has completely fucked my faith in a higher power. If there was this loving God then why THE FUCK did he make me this way? This is hell. Every. Single. Day. I put myself out there. I do the things I'm supposed to do. I see a therapist and take my meds but here I am thinking about how I posted something in a group and everyone, once again, ignored me. Its stupid though right? Its not that I want to be friends or form relationships with people who don't want to be my friend but like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Not put myself out there? I wouldn't say that I'm an annoying person. I don't spam people with shit or post weird stuff. I used to be way more social. And since my depression/bi-polar stuff has gotten worse, and the more I've hermited, I just don't know how to do things anymore. My therapist says I'm just out of practice. I AM trying to practice but it doesn't help that every social situation I'm a part of I constantly over analyze and feel like a third wheel or the odd man out. SOMEONE JUST PLEASE LISTEN ME. PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING. Please.. I just don't think I'm meant to be here. I was a mistake. Just a big mistake. Can't it just be over already?",1.6995821110311589,3.614457250401287,3.27811064371506,90.69172953451044,79.2247191011236,6.607948192837771,22.61938894116345,7.6298220110432995,0.8765444954890125,2349,74,515,36,58,775,240,623,0.153,0.6679999999999999,0.179,0.9646,3,3,1,0,0,2,70.0,0,0,6,1,34,44,7,1,25,0,57,10,3,6,5,108,122,37,3,12,36,0,12,11,4,4,1,10,0,2,48,19,0,4,22,0,1,5,21,18,0,1,14,23,70,26,62,93,14,52,2,3,1,6,40,25,5,13,26,340,118,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838494333738096,0.05625245109998838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034664915024028894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110749235729607,0.0,0.0,0.041948283756841724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042562200839028425,0.06214807316594339,0.0,0.0,0.057431645776463376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056905232616109885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344657516754426,0.0550861312064263,0.0,0.0,0.05640313969234208,0.0,0.03287481633550389,0.0,0.04390490434099501,0.0,0.0,0.05325828212460711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611002803358475,0.08589768592555759,0.14612709500245447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835207739143352,0.2913338051389513,0.0,0.0,0.04659045098446445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753339320568513,0.14137737946063347,0.07989738570184116,0.0,0.028970406799788663,0.042755617505595284,0.04076956058406734,0.0,0.056154980029011134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456638074994616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745280655982439,0.0,0.034167632613988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616574802167544,0.05602932372844194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036005323484779535,0.2739432315544883,0.0,0.0,0.13533446477716798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04333733091755485,0.13802144808288472,0.0,0.10207911680290976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324401263137952,0.0,0.10274211611926934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779749870781647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994491761910238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428697291254296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520122348397568,0.0,0.24737871842199485,0.04450961825151918,0.0,0.16786653627133685,0.0,0.0,0.14646058327789754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537326038575858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032656047627475523,0.0,0.050331905331092615,0.16418501046562653,0.0577450162351729,0.043532581218860084,0.0,0.2837629290867132,0.0,0.0,0.04062067095634245,0.04640594909840828,0.0,0.0,0.0523253570750023,0.04216724992442861,0.05729831183408553,0.0,0.10392568685142352,0.04319116017642199,0.039243234488477684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042617587842462966,0.0,0.0,0.11670892098394373,0.111517290139699,0.05784610462351431,0.0,0.0,0.07665408148804925,0.040971971505737635,0.04455461147977999,0.0,0.0,0.17755856717685145,0.16932844058131175,0.13065151636251365,0.05008291998708239,0.0,0.05944815128349426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382653697931736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402624542487277,0.0,0.0,0.09019956173483132,0.16184710902135774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839889218489716,0.05691204128204561,0.058619016735551165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194813020402772,0.03621135192338501,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Christ-_,2018/03/16,this is it I can't fight this anymore I've wanted to do this since I was 10 and now I'm snapping I'm going to take a cocktail of pills and hope I actually die and not turn into some retarded vegetable but even then maybe life would be easier to not think so much ,1.3422413793103445,2.8363073620689683,3.5822758620689648,90.04031034482759,78.82758620689657,6.708965517241379,21.944827586206888,7.554174236665415,0.7008993103448269,209,6,48,3,5,72,45,58,0.084,0.789,0.127,0.3489,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,12,14,6,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.30111158390549503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060101666344721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202381963329249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380200831120213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753626522739498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064712638940004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179461636803295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099915727486747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268282591016176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552453210943607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199990131767584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977137962825471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33562638484556323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199760982625987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191932878124621,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mojohunter,2018/03/16,"I’m afraid of my next step Over the past few years I have disconnected from the people i care about, taking solace in being alone and taking in the idea of non-existence. It’s created many issues in my romantic relationship and I can feel my girlfriend (who is bi-polar) slipping away because she can’t handle the effects of my depression. I made a promise to her that I would begin therapy to handle some of my issues but my searching isn’t fast enough or something for her because it was the question asked during our morning commute.

I’m rambling, sorry.

Anyhow, I have deactivated all of my social media this week and am telling myself I’m trying to reconnect with people in a real, non-digital way. But I’m sitting here now and feel myself disassociating. Was I subconsciously doing this to put more distance between me and my community? The idea of suicide becomes easier and easier to think about and the only thing that keeps me from it is my fear of death. I don’t want that to be the only thing that keeps me from it. I want to wake up and not feel this heavy pain in my chest. I want to want to live my life.

How do you all cope with depression and anxiety? How do you find the strength to talk openly about how you feel with people you care about? 

I just feel lost and don’t know what to do.",5.4673793436293465,5.8454101081081085,6.441271718146719,77.71356780888034,67.6100386100386,9.100482625482623,29.31491312741313,9.017664075816787,2.2917816602316607,1034,34,199,17,16,345,136,259,0.131,0.765,0.104,-0.9237,0,1,1,0,0,1,23.0,1,4,0,3,10,10,0,2,11,0,19,4,2,5,2,47,44,16,2,5,5,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,15,14,0,2,12,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,4,5,35,4,38,37,6,20,0,3,0,0,16,9,0,4,7,144,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031471641693793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886798255245534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860113025500942,0.0,0.10914339045977324,0.0,0.0,0.14162951934563414,0.1282981122794379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23688145134460856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011016213254726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200323012139694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072097377826628,0.2936894309496399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617518521301468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622784162026285,0.0,0.242497822303032,0.0,0.20651040196519294,0.0,0.0,0.0638427370687069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205269124623216,0.0,0.0,0.10257821895381153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681078156043413,0.0,0.0,0.10992069894802864,0.0,0.1177758278345082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354568077021688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670156105235618,0.12361063716555272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089522679964398,0.2416081961421517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167806373978575,0.1301344248961884,0.0,0.0,0.13222428985080087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472064931074585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841835415500747,0.0,0.08943158098128846,0.0,0.1300402440187982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706862334284122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746873259939255,0.09337120743078076,0.10153570154401302,0.0,0.1328479040404087,0.0,0.15435333344634622,0.07443557990443521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887025174236395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740749079397377,0.09220852349263413,0.09318273231615763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252221036798048,0.0,0.0,0.07480819852492368
suicidewatch,realismnihilism,2018/03/16,"Standing with a belt around my neck one day, happy and cheery two days later. What is up with me? Am I overdramatic? 
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suicidewatch,_autist,2018/03/16,"I'd kill myself if it weren't for my parents I've had enough, therapy doesn't work, medication doesn't work and I just can't go on any more.

Today I cut myself and tried to hang myself with my belt and reached the point where I almost passed out. It didn't even hurt, I just felt tingly all over. Another few minutes and it all would've been over but I can't disappoint my parents. I've been putting on a happy face for them since starting medication and they told me they're glad to have their son back but it's all a facade. If I were to die it would devastate them but I just want the suffering to stop. ",1.995729386892176,3.6003452325581407,3.2534038054968306,92.62484143763216,77.29457364341086,6.8614517265680055,21.804792107117688,7.686295010490155,0.6291333333333333,481,13,111,7,11,156,76,129,0.16699999999999998,0.711,0.122,-0.8408,2,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,4,2,6,7,2,0,4,0,12,3,1,0,3,23,17,10,2,4,8,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,8,1,18,2,12,8,6,15,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,3,4,73,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788950748733952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214900995466205,0.1873331446533776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737305395927288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541350649453248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845962045717245,0.0,0.11799855677529228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715348023198756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153256119545373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017933608717988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125162644844426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765296629934148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599480068086974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967458107817444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888473799652545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959551065078172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477835265822802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645144347124462,0.0,0.0,0.14936182551806831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430516305317728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934206164557228,0.1707105037470952,0.0,0.1212935932912234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053741102651882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26012288062709715,0.0,0.0,0.2538197913850502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToddFrank2004,2018/03/16,"Many thanks to friends family and myself Thank you to all the friends family and myself who support others, it secretly keeps me and many others alive. If it wasn't for them I would have no reason to go on. I often desire to leave but hesitate when I think of how it would affect them. I fear/await when this time in my life will pass. Until then I will do my best to be the light for the ones I love, even when I cant love myself. ",3.5441025641025625,3.9586054065934064,4.5887362637362665,89.17709706959705,71.85714285714286,7.8249084249084255,20.66117216117216,7.793537801064563,0.4930644688644681,336,5,76,4,6,110,61,91,0.051,0.654,0.295,0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,3,1,16,17,11,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,16,8,11,11,2,10,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,2,6,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899136537158835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524025422136995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575081043219889,0.2133718655871335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29299528051990475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776372290790613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854032087155424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077704697760845,0.0,0.0,0.13393210975731315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422735296594786,0.0,0.0,0.3844837959782119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284894009327123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949578785253551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151751486622417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491477546515349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149893082352566,0.0,0.0,0.11056720995627324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693969830496686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LO_OS,2018/03/16,"Suicide is the only option left It's been a year since I got fired from my job and me and my boyfriend bought a house. I thought after getting fired, that I'd just take a few months to heal myself from the anxiety that my ex-boss caused me and start looking for a new job. That didn't happen and I eventually decided to apply for disability, since my avpd was making it harder and harder for me to even leave my house and bpd and depression were wrecking my life in every other aspect. About a month ago my application was denied as I may get better in 10 years... Sure ok, but now I'm stuck in a situation where I'm unable to work and I don't get any financial assistance from anywhere!


My therapist is giving up on me, she says I need more intesive care and they are unable to offer that. There is also the language barrier, I don't speak the language of this country and I can't focus because the stress from my financial situation. It feels like there is a conspiracy that's preventing me to get better. I really don't know where to turn anymore, who to ask for help. What am I supposed to do here?! How is suicide not the solution? I haven't found anything else, and yes, I have been trying. 


We can't just up and sell the house either, since we can't afford to rent from private market and to get an apartment from social housing is years of waiting. Luckily we are not yet in debt and we lent the money from my bf's family friend, so there's that... But I feel so guilty trapping him into this. I told my bf that my job was secure and then I got fired and we couldn't back out from buying the house anymore. If I kill myself, my bf is left to deal with the bills by himself, he'll probably have to drop out of school and work more. I don't want to do that to him, but I'm tired of living. I'm not enjoying this. I have no future.


So, this is it then. This is how my life went. 23 years of mostly pain and suffering. I feel bad for my parents and my bf, but  the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't want to be a burden. I see no other way out.",2.7517263986013987,3.812086051282056,4.464078525641028,86.93534855769232,74.26806526806526,7.5070221445221454,23.89576048951049,7.972316293177498,1.1118396853146848,1592,45,348,23,32,539,203,429,0.202,0.71,0.08800000000000001,-0.9947,7,0,0,0,0,3,47.0,5,0,1,4,19,17,2,1,20,2,38,6,0,4,1,62,75,33,3,5,11,1,6,1,5,2,5,2,1,0,21,29,0,4,7,0,7,1,16,8,0,0,15,10,55,9,51,56,5,35,0,2,2,1,27,16,1,4,17,239,76,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484233401413408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751885090316903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057415474150115865,0.0,0.06458892018136378,0.0,0.1674642678281308,0.0,0.0,0.06947891261274318,0.0,0.07893089875767516,0.0,0.0,0.06492166076046732,0.07049574304022789,0.051467904736897496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493434131318698,0.0,0.0,0.10633696076228676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608228022005326,0.08673313759764358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704389394331091,0.07271966189752191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053065097149502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055765392501657816,0.0,0.07113613811536791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959333795666125,0.0,0.12807143361797185,0.06031699683388645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257342560446856,0.06523061183844944,0.07805441775165119,0.2205566387150648,0.08099320174154664,0.0,0.0,0.1350531885166031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466140283064254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056591825647322215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871059390090866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251352024992316,0.0,0.09340957674414252,0.0,0.04640066456168893,0.0,0.0,0.08939945786312259,0.18346745581159848,0.0,0.11927118346454575,0.0412483618169533,0.0,0.0745534691579553,0.0,0.07090015670507964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635785623592299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347828610012524,0.0,0.0,0.0626039702821533,0.0,0.08154327422739116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421301966653953,0.08983975272242542,0.0,0.0937498155327656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103010368966598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408818850704218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714233400562357,0.0,0.08544793378130333,0.06727998847357851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952475836210388,0.18980630644412644,0.0,0.08606602068423938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976017478759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671458112943744,0.0,0.0,0.18470600850654265,0.0,0.07957452378759768,0.0,0.0634810503808708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980300429296448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702819795536441,0.0,0.0970401672485042,0.0,0.08067673457855233,0.0,0.05732260650189438,0.09183588150046966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959831338685683,0.0670168129493855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826769977116399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293247420352632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748128514500245
suicidewatch,Hayato_kun,2018/03/16,"I am lonely. I don’t wanna live anymore. No one cares they won’t ever care my parents don’t care. I am always alone idk what to do with my life. I don’t care anymore, I want to sleep forever. Nothing helps. The only thing that keeps me going is games. My happiness is a facade. The smile on my face when I go to school is a facade I show to the world.",-1.125584415584413,0.8979897532467547,1.6649480519480555,96.84027922077922,93.02597402597401,4.118961038961039,15.492207792207791,5.6839178017228535,-0.7497677922077921,269,6,63,2,10,93,49,77,0.125,0.632,0.243,0.8937,1,4,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,5,0,10,3,2,0,1,5,18,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,13,5,7,17,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736291813476793,0.0,0.0,0.14249336861656758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396671333507953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6984014377241068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490504883204476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946501648941452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229836169289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478498331621376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221449465418072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095864241420493,0.0,0.0,0.15121651608825035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431859010480415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604314700632655,0.13024302197001505,0.0,0.0,0.19015239195302067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331371697770875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137325384388452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377061119024826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100743888065702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boopum,2018/03/16,"I feel like this is the only way out. In January I attempted to OD and it failed. Things were alright for a little but after I got out of the hospital, but now I feel like suicide is my only option. My dad and I fight a lot. He starting crying when we were fighting and called me an ungrateful little bitch. He said stuff about how if he could he would abort me right now and how I made him want to die. I don't know if this is abuse, but I just feel like a burden to everyone around me. ",1.3762393162393174,2.8966811538461528,3.212820512820514,92.60995726495727,78.80769230769229,6.545299145299146,20.20940170940171,7.3871296695380915,0.37430042735042734,376,9,87,5,9,126,67,104,0.328,0.5870000000000001,0.085,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,4,2,9.0,1,0,0,2,8,9,3,0,6,1,8,0,0,3,0,26,17,12,3,5,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,4,15,4,11,10,1,13,0,1,0,0,11,7,1,4,8,61,20,1,0.0,0.21086204315074225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842854867626832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817244199525146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420923363426509,0.0,0.19548862415081975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847018672068026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005529634828484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699567069915078,0.3814194324426205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233663593318827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780612470268578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26083736888855397,0.3567397973756703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130135828686708,0.0,0.16839687773954995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707041663462321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198302545851647,0.16928757136446787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596610765690391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372987785817284,0.19466724315239733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823350683635055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496967178499313,0.14126208808474838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642280028354438,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Samuel02020,2018/03/16,Im currently walking towards my death Life has been miserable for me these last months .i am 16 have the worst grades from my class and my parents hate that i am missing classes .i am going to do it now .was just wondering if i should leave a note or not ?,1.9101886792452842,3.928881905660383,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,79.0,6.504150943396226,25.69433962264151,7.554174236665415,1.2356218867924524,203,8,44,3,5,65,46,53,0.299,0.701,0.0,-0.9538,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,13,3,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,4,10,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,33,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355582807290595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35361796375078425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868842317853071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919557275936975,0.0,0.3792495002282576,0.0,0.0,0.2529855202803231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858872631661966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397704544715802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884192527003258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wallsoftheanon,2018/03/16,"Walls. I spent my whole life working on my walls. I let everything sit inside and fester for years and now it's coming back to bite me. I always said everything was fine, but no one knew what was really going on. I have always had the thoughts but after a brush with death I resigned myself to the inevitability of finally pulling the trigger. I want to tell the people around me but I left myself no room to speak. I tried bring down these walls, but they are the only ""me"" my friends and family know. I wish I could believe those when they say ""your just feeling down, it'll get better soon."" if only they knew. ",1.8692180546726007,4.296832272727272,2.863140495867772,91.11331214240309,81.64462809917356,5.70654799745709,19.225047679593136,7.010146845296331,0.30562631913540983,479,12,97,6,13,152,82,121,0.105,0.768,0.127,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,3,2,6,4,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,0,21,21,9,1,4,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,8,5,22,3,13,10,1,22,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,1,7,70,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128406186286745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734835615845814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455046023715576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179706389081213,0.0,0.16625929503905126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619342233093833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500923861787501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379013308085068,0.0,0.177217487948995,0.0,0.09505191567733864,0.0,0.0,0.20593065664493848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452383511504497,0.0,0.09821549005732244,0.0,0.10683738933409163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331278250026296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424851170978955,0.19222952510566851,0.13278083355292636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273849100822524,0.2859452896703441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032657101074255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042933668831647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881876102892713,0.14949487071377646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164308993180212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492407426092062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763088705345935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087964995252682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988086064059544,0.21617586375775014,0.0,0.0,0.13685683265078025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105751567518863
suicidewatch,DinoHimself,2018/03/16,"I just don’t have anything left. I’m out of money and not earning enough to support myself, let alone my family. My GF is the love of my life and after 4 years I haven’t put enough effort in to give her a reason to stay. My kids (including hers) would probably be better off without me, they certainly haven’t benefited from me being around.

It’s likely that we’re going to lose the house that my grandparents left me because I can’t even afford the taxes or the bills. Job #1 is fucking terrible, but used to pay the bills, but since I made one stupid mistake my boss has cut my hours down to the point where I make about 1/3 what I used to. Job #2 is soul fulfilling but doesn’t pay squat. I’ve burned through the money my Dad left me, so I have nothing to fall back on.

If I lose the house and my GF (likely at the same time) there is very little to keep me from killing myself, and that prospect looks more and more likely every day.",6.041752577319585,4.859908020618555,6.3306391752577325,84.22853608247424,66.73195876288659,9.409484536082473,28.67835051546392,8.238735603445708,1.6562573195876285,732,18,161,8,10,236,122,194,0.152,0.802,0.046,-0.9641,6,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,5,8,16,4,0,10,0,16,3,0,6,1,26,28,11,1,3,8,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,0,7,3,7,8,0,1,1,1,27,8,24,23,5,23,1,2,1,2,9,13,1,2,9,105,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304768041218212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367042259811028,0.11214849476222367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687048564393286,0.0,0.07679595482521731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141866049286342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124637761326962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034107082151936,0.0,0.08320829428087538,0.0,0.1061431911222101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187622930708889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646604947698867,0.0,0.12085104870481406,0.07159707255683402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406446466616315,0.2907269365517352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500304977145435,0.11197639851868424,0.1393776893105802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106313979682242,0.12882260922267333,0.08898307075173158,0.18464171099846768,0.12626458940558052,0.0,0.0,0.10579108007714752,0.28187774918727465,0.0,0.0,0.11370144829840273,0.11920488143673608,0.08409231740955715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208807608723911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536699283510571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909138012191264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582724547313368,0.0,0.0,0.12664422777824536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952794314868846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421157263085076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427742148084526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296008262784138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345967956592575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761173806593506,0.0,0.10394630946290603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143977549986107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949224665559616,0.0,0.0,0.08112668970450786
suicidewatch,SuperAwesomeCake,2018/03/16,"It's fine I nearly sold myself in exchange for a hotel room last night.  

My friends dont want me around.

My family revile me for being trans.

My dieing grandad in the hospital doesn't want to see me despite him very likely being on his death bed.  

I'm staying in a sex party flat tonight.

My life is a wreck.

I'm supposed to be in work in an hour but I can't bear to do shit right now.

Im a drain on everyone.

I don't want to die but I don't want to be here and I don't know what I can do.

I financially ruined myself this last month paying to move out of my home and my solicitor still haven't released the money to me because of supposed problems that they won't explain nor return any phonrcalls at this point.  If I had the money I could at least get a hotel and cry my face off in there.

Instead I spent the night on a mattress that's been broken in by hundreds of people in a flat that's basically an upscale drug den, trying to remediate with friends who just want me to fuck off and a family who blame me for killing my granddad.  And I'm starting to agree with them.  

Im a wretch of a human being and I should have just sold myself for a hotel room last night and avoided all of this.  Things would have been better.

But now everything is fucked.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  

This is an absolutely pathetic cry for help",2.4164306220095675,3.598505617543861,4.119114832535885,88.60403110047848,75.28070175438597,6.866028708133973,24.18261562998405,7.348242739294969,0.8886491228070175,1051,32,233,12,22,354,143,285,0.21,0.71,0.08,-0.9912,0,1,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,2,2,9,12,4,1,18,0,29,7,2,0,1,32,49,13,4,10,6,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,6,1,13,12,0,1,3,3,7,1,10,7,0,0,6,1,33,5,42,34,2,38,0,1,1,3,12,22,3,1,15,158,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809984687709082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603260862593854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260797783601093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534257500926852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509915488118327,0.0,0.26167214114626336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723348110746915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959531651031254,0.0,0.13812907619780754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381412525157268,0.10704783837218268,0.0,0.22457146245972293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840472365373027,0.22022942115425456,0.06222973955233847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983651254709806,0.0,0.11947642848144137,0.0,0.11729875513911014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573171582027603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177689110486798,0.0,0.13091881013201606,0.2912701473981959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841304837426199,0.058190830885524826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507197771388233,0.1265944302777916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353282778935504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257545287423018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259687190597173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397159893963507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017187671721876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491476167271563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222640758827282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430623839526506,0.12695476037699385,0.09512091169909682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913098530283323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086745640158371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827771984598743,0.3512690174519865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671305358091093,0.0,0.0,0.08461189233798892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuckMyChubbyy,2018/03/16,"I'm scared my gf would kill herself So hey, this is the first time i'm posting here and i'm french so sorry if my english is bad...

Idk where to post it so imma post it here, it's been 5 years now and i kinda want to die but this is not thr subject here.

My gf is in pain and all is going shit in her life, and i'm scared she might kill herself one day.
She's a strong girl but i don't know if now she is strong enough, she has been through alot... She got raped at the age of 14, she was bullied at school, she is still being bullied by her parents, i'm deceiving her by being toxic in our relationship wich lead to her having bad grades and making her more sad...but i don't know, she survived till now but i'm not sure if she can keep going for long.

Yesterday, she told me she was tired of everything, sick of trying her best and having everyone shitting on here, she told me she didn't want to live anymore that she wanted to die...and today her mother said she didn't want her to live in their house, that she wasn't her daughter anymore...

I dont know what to do anymore, when i met her and she was going through her rape and th bullying, i was her light at the end of the tunnel...but now it's not anymore like it...i feel useless, i don't know what to do to make her feel better, i don't know how to make things better for her...

I'm posting here just cause i need to write it somewhere and also trying to get some help if anyone has lived the same situation and how to help her.",2.3634010564811057,3.070852716510906,3.7116104564540175,93.31025193010971,74.7943925233645,6.4548828389543536,22.367736692401465,6.280692351149826,0.18021267777326289,1146,27,274,7,23,377,145,321,0.241,0.6729999999999999,0.086,-0.9964,1,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,1,0,1,8,19,19,6,2,7,0,32,8,2,7,2,50,64,25,3,10,11,3,2,1,2,2,4,1,0,1,12,10,0,1,7,0,0,4,11,12,0,2,14,4,50,7,32,46,7,33,0,1,0,2,51,9,2,8,17,180,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343322756033091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642669128147189,0.0642068817244914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334176667585134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636573298791516,0.1624252885594411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433060760117763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922018030853051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906018032448068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761940062571608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133059005338844,0.09488081566634808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774368831643119,0.08252729741861907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928599801195662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810715777013211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047975300598443314,0.0,0.15656051399217655,0.0,0.07344164920187135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309807869136392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595488752183152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161917743755867,0.20318375131129093,0.0,0.2523258700444768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485942695694548,0.04486155050445372,0.0,0.24325214926745534,0.08126312985062356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388372549705395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741288618118296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808782339176014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222368130867052,0.0,0.09770934957247744,0.0,0.1019619179779836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35177574068827416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858677053891993,0.0,0.0,0.08734756409601993,0.0,0.18386771172390304,0.09293282515902576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851616076366334,0.0,0.10321628335682513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279170104354024,0.0,0.0,0.07333237074090676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654492834423169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061005121246916184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053544485269340567,0.10554049111812597,0.08704032118553108,0.17548737663286235,0.0,0.12468766726026573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166454409021625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523056336599438,0.0,0.0,0.05913294024016265
suicidewatch,YvesSaintLaurant666,2018/03/16,I’m so numb I don’t have any friends anymore and my job changed me into someone I thought I’d never be. I can’t feel anything anymore. I’ve been drinking and popping so many pills lately and it’s the only thing that makes me kind of feel something. I’ve been sleeping with a lot of women and all I want is a connection and I can’t even get anything from that even. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to close my eyes and everything be okay. ,0.13434137291280024,2.2376335102040805,1.9723005565862728,96.79023191094623,86.3469387755102,4.379962894248608,24.215213358070503,5.565023196281405,0.2919469387755105,356,15,81,2,11,117,60,98,0.031,0.865,0.104,0.4951,1,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,1,11,5,2,1,2,20,20,8,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,9,1,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,3,11,3,7,14,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206432904526199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278221751997082,0.0,0.0,0.29198277150009233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767377788435724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379196423942786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435216879658144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944256296482998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940528395137334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706471586131247,0.0,0.09268817864739838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604972530412608,0.0,0.0,0.1847427747308816,0.0,0.0,0.2001235646367125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082564597962236,0.0,0.0,0.11842098876307428,0.17986351915130014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136827722055124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492651758331753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775357788719048,0.0,0.15031693222203946,0.13657708185385387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786176440807625,0.0,0.0,0.14084186317615585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139188980423333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CheerFairy,2018/03/16,"I will be ending my life on my 30th birthday. I turn 30 on April 4. I have two boys,  ages 4 and 1. My husband of 10 years cheated on me.  Then tossed me and the kids aside like garbage.  I had a boyfriend but he got tired of me,  too,  even though he still loves me he doesn't want me because he can't handle kids.  I have so much pain.  Last year I was sexually assaulted and my ex husband blamed me.  My dad molested me when I was a child.  My step dad told me when I was 16 that men only want me because I have an odd personality and that once the excitement wears off that they would rather be with someone normal.  I have a house.  I have a car.  I have money. But it hurts to breathe.  I am on mood stabilizers for my bipolar type 2 that I was just diagnosed with.  Everyone I've ever loved has abused me or thrown me away.  I can't keep living with this pain.  My new house is two stories and there is a load bearing beam on the ceiling above the stairs.  I think I will do a short drop on a night when I can leave the kids at my mom's house.  I just want to die.  I don't want to be alive anymore.  I have been thinking about this for a while.  I am missing something fundamental.  I am unlovable.  I am trash.  Less than trash.  I am waste.  A wasted life experience. 

I love my boys.  They are my only motivation for making it this long but I'm such a failure and a mess that I know someday they will hate me,  stop loving me leave me too.  I've had to take on the role of mom AND dad and have been so busy.  My 4 year old said I don't love him and he wants a new mommy because I'm too busy now.  They would be better off.  The most loving thing I could do for them is eliminate a future with me in it.  

I am nothing but trouble.  I turn 30 in two weeks. I don't want to do another decade of this.  Of unreciprocated love. I can't anymore.  ",0.07579392732703027,1.9840789387755111,2.1964335490293685,96.34438526630163,84.86734693877553,5.252961672473868,19.509955201592827,6.4673359150291105,-0.13951712294674,1392,39,341,14,41,467,185,392,0.202,0.665,0.132,-0.9743,0,0,1,0,1,4,43.0,0,0,5,2,19,22,4,0,21,0,48,16,2,2,1,40,76,22,1,11,8,8,0,1,0,5,7,1,0,8,13,13,0,2,4,0,1,2,7,11,0,3,11,1,66,10,33,55,3,41,0,2,0,7,37,15,0,2,24,221,79,2,0.0,0.09764356696335036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641512604767553,0.0,0.0,0.1634591482487348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742785357641516,0.0,0.0,0.15071095427487516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288583834537173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579848298602478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364543703792998,0.08552961390955673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299169103209707,0.0,0.0,0.054431692672687056,0.0745454736574837,0.0,0.07874724852488317,0.0,0.08061377796134797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591161042741403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136380748899588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28527371097113713,0.08822268711148377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325068929052958,0.0,0.0,0.04529093403503274,0.06717596969136058,0.0,0.174522713719469,0.0,0.0,0.11641866239633887,0.04026185512108527,0.0,0.0727704287344133,0.07293114758498886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.520654057458354,0.0,0.05500998688808734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303754999208186,0.0,0.0,0.060581572238713,0.0,0.0,0.15918612756605444,0.0,0.07733714709059403,0.08074528902884594,0.07907558354262358,0.0,0.0864764884828344,0.08776503250548741,0.0,0.1253545683183484,0.17538224302220715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195811228864539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783917392793753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698265785226267,0.06344401917657731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581353638597458,0.06889929170161975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196282084391677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475021094163338,0.10561129093456853,0.08096839563549192,0.0,0.0,0.0947193290250706,0.0,0.07874724852488317,0.0,0.0,0.1792790206940717,0.2415107362040734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916488815978583,0.0,0.06610513860007802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170848293104674,0.0,0.0,0.1592099590447858
suicidewatch,nashbash789,2018/03/16,"My father tried to commit suicide a little over a month ago. So my(23M) dad 53, tried to commit suicide a couple months ago. He’s a pastor and has been my whole life. One of the most mentally stable people i thought i knew. And always would lecture me about the afterlife and i wish i could go into detail about how deeply i believed things, even went to a ministry school for a year. 
Anyways their church had been on the decline, and they’ve been struggling financially and he decided to try to take a gun and run to the basement with it but my mom somehow knew what was going on and ran downstairs and argued with him till he gave it up. One phrase that stuck with me that my sister told me ( i don’t live with them anymore actually) was that he kept saying “if my god won’t answer my prayer, then maybe I’ll find one who will”. 

Anyways, religiously I’ve been fading out of church for a couple years now. I grew up very spiritual, pastors as parents, in a religion close to that of like church of god. 
This whole ordeal just has me scared. I’m worried for him. But also torn up on the inside myself. Life just doesn’t make sense lately bc of all this. 

Anyone have experience with religion based anxiety/parental suicide attempts? 

Sorry if this seems insensitive, i care about my father a lot and was just trying to tell the story the way my mother and sister told me. 
Anyone’s comments truly help ",3.7456363636363648,5.4585239818181845,4.560636363636366,84.62895454545456,72.81818181818181,6.745454545454546,24.5,7.348242739294969,1.0948909090909096,1105,33,212,12,22,356,163,275,0.119,0.7859999999999999,0.095,-0.7912,2,0,0,1,0,5,28.0,0,0,2,1,14,5,1,2,17,0,17,2,0,2,3,44,35,20,3,5,7,8,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,12,18,0,1,7,0,0,6,3,3,0,3,18,1,26,2,36,13,5,30,5,0,0,0,25,12,0,6,12,142,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.1065806953821744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936297570886246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734133476392318,0.0908778543520022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083145853470498,0.15273507476541465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305091844417368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113546980342438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720142589084301,0.24169455875569065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213724388932488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683584279854012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982297576288683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414184257544884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320630494516236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320229391800865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428734676788242,0.05335823891737547,0.10946480226826742,0.0964412074618286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285296111973257,0.0,0.0,0.07290364575573327,0.0,0.10972383379490673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006572753096326,0.0,0.0,0.1279144202561607,0.17435301142835627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202616826119675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254660477697815,0.0,0.0,0.07571778364604312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685427836481541,0.10934594525863686,0.11053411735311493,0.0,0.09942766885104487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226024471579827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141780269895406,0.0,0.3583992271657752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211809884668632,0.0,0.09546106139547686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255936984062229,0.0,0.0,0.08670663374644634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872433663277254,0.0,0.29660652674334004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901160195858543,0.0,0.08669190627989158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124587838023497,0.0,0.2438752661745396,0.12559493551132112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091584991226422,0.0,0.07758510229048339,0.0,0.0,0.14066520295183482
suicidewatch,Nyanphy,2018/03/16,"I'm set to believe that it's a good time to end it. I'm a man, 20 years of age, who now believes that it's a good time to end his said life. I'm personally lost in life. 

The fact that I've been abused and isolated in a household makes me realize that I don't really have a future ahead of me. I've also gone through bullying upon bullying throughout the years too, even to the point where I realized that sitting in a dark hospital room without any visitors outside of the nurses is really a lonely feeling. People have always taken my selflessness as a point that they could take advantage of, and I was always scared of wanting anything. When I did, I always got in trouble for it.

Now that I've been there, I've been through four relationships. Three have had some sort of cheating involved and were all rough, and my fourth one recently died off, due to my selfish desires and this was the peak of the thought of feeling worthless in general. I hurt the girl of my dreams and will never, ever get her back. A kind, yet gentle soul. A beauty that I could've ever imagine to get, but I messed up. I messed up entirely and there's no way I can repair what has been done. I became the one who nearly cheated on the girl and lied to her several times. I've become the person that I hated. And my friends? I have a whole bunch of friends from either outside sources or online sources due to gaming, but I can't seem to get to get close to any of them. I don't have any close ones.

My grades as well, have been all for impressing my parents. They were normally high 80s to high 90s. Yet I couldn't feel happy with those grades myself, since they were to impress my parents and make them happy. Now I'm 2 years into biological engineering, I've had to take a break due to how stressed I am due to the past and meeting people's expectations. Yet my parents can only be angry with my decision and try to set me off harder. 

It doesn't seem like I can do anything right and it feels like the only thing left to do is to end my said life so that no one else will have to be hurt by me. I simply don't think that being alive is worth the thought anymore.

I'm already beginning to slowly starve myself, as I haven't eaten anything for two days, and wish to start drinking myself off while starving myself. That or I had the thought of drinking laundry detergent day by day. I'm already a mess. I've been a mess. There's nothing out there for me. I can only apologize to certain people for what I'm doing to myself because I don't want to hurt them. I just don't want to be alive anymore. This is the last selfish thing I wish to do.",4.103058653448986,4.766092901486992,5.130898389095417,84.89426992978109,70.72862453531599,7.910863279636514,28.51321767864519,7.984000788550335,1.7112204047914092,2063,73,429,26,36,679,233,538,0.182,0.72,0.099,-0.9934,3,2,2,0,1,3,50.0,0,0,6,3,22,32,3,2,29,0,53,6,0,3,7,64,93,26,1,10,7,3,5,2,2,2,3,2,1,5,27,20,3,0,14,4,1,1,13,18,1,7,26,7,55,14,71,59,6,67,1,6,0,0,28,25,0,6,38,292,82,3,0.0,0.08611327915911769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040718967646522,0.058121740395779165,0.18142540662960827,0.0,0.0,0.14827358161231574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441569957142001,0.0,0.0,0.17942701635948674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055886020900951405,0.0,0.04430472612934008,0.08026875687659446,0.0,0.1637697330045522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605727463333528,0.0,0.0,0.14061672326423885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542980810737578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437632453864948,0.0,0.14239640898686973,0.0,0.0,0.06071436540870007,0.0,0.19311729574060735,0.0,0.0,0.04800409993200817,0.13148547073305908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699568130060597,0.05192222297236459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230394582897887,0.0,0.15188807897630832,0.0,0.0,0.12192017081644707,0.05812840604945641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473727991296166,0.0,0.0717559229516722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357968632369282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341460537539205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756844766185674,0.0,0.059243462838548436,0.0,0.0,0.07896644933315444,0.0,0.15400696255847365,0.07101502899432803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933821950735573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702821199088917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605488250210744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121044254287118,0.06973790503609875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699794066771625,0.16582802028607252,0.0,0.0,0.24210582826840624,0.0,0.06938077139722686,0.15116036558111615,0.12692180763124064,0.0,0.0,0.13741116944701112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312065027269953,0.0,0.07176220171163468,0.07803054385718915,0.0,0.062067864387524076,0.13826962570647144,0.0,0.07276482161432109,0.0,0.0,0.13232930714278346,0.0,0.08210710593478476,0.0,0.060121202938694086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144289807289699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832540794415068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929182238541847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657001163439848,0.046570065296861016,0.0,0.17309812601871766,0.12713993824771266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493445846507458,0.0,0.07099727472564059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286046912179451,0.057689574871213574,0.0,0.0,0.06534756579422643,0.0,0.0,0.08114402503614457,0.1671555914858506,0.07006040887147291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040957407139065
suicidewatch,Useranc,2018/03/16,"Years of struggling nearing its end I don't know how to start this and I apologize if my English isn't that good and if my post becomes long-winded.

I'm a 25 year old guy and for as long as I can remember I've had at least a tendency towards suicidal thoughts. I have always struggled with social relationships and I really can't seem to function normally with others. I've always thought things like ""hey, in high school things will get better"",""when I leave this town things will get better"" and then ""when I go to university things will get better"" but it never gets better. I realized that the problem was me (more so than I thought) and almost 5 years ago I started going to a psychiatrist and she gave me the diagnosis of being depressed and having anxiety. She prescribed different kind of medications for me but it didn't seem to have any effect (I took them regularly for 6+ months without any real positive results). The thing is though that through the years I've started thinking that fundamentally I'm not depressed but depressed because of who I am. What I ""might have"" or what I ""might be"" I do not know.  I just can't seem to function with other people. I always seem to poison potential romantic and platonic relationships yet I do not know what exactly I'm doing wrong. I mean I've had friends and acquaintances but never really anyone I've talked to. Just people I sort of hanged out with from time to time talking about everyday stuff. The only people I really feel I can talk to is my parents and my brother but even with them I can't talk about ""deeper"" stuff.

These past 8-10 months things have really been going south. I've had to quit my job because I've been feeling so down and it's felt like shit going there because I can't talk to anyone there. I just walked around silently doing what I was supposed to be doing. In university I did a bit better for a while socially but realized the people around were just people I hung out with and nothing more. I've dropped out and haven't got much contact with any of them anymore. I've long since realized that I won't ever be able to live a so called normal life. Wife and kids just won't happen and friends seem to be disappearing. Just last week I went to my hometown to see some old friends. Two guys that I regularly talked to but I don't know what happened because since then I haven't heard a word.

I just don't feel like a life of loneliness is worth it. I don't see the point in being like this until I die of natural causes when I'm 80. The only reason I'm writing this is because of my parents. I can go to the psychiatric emergency room but then I'll most likely just be locked away for ""my own safety"" and if I call my parents they'll freak out by just hearing the word ""suicidal"". 

Right now it truly feels better to just end it. I really can't see a positive future for myself and I don't know what to do except get my affairs in order and then prepare for the best possible way out. Sorry for the long text.",4.415142698147704,5.4869749983305525,5.436249701884093,81.48938369504731,70.30217028380635,8.442658398918834,28.45222195723031,8.77342768361299,2.1305921456395582,2380,85,466,41,42,785,252,599,0.111,0.782,0.107,-0.5537,5,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,4,8,27,26,2,2,21,0,57,5,1,5,4,106,106,46,3,6,27,5,5,5,3,8,4,2,1,3,35,33,0,0,26,0,1,10,22,10,0,1,19,10,60,16,72,72,9,73,0,3,3,0,38,22,1,15,42,317,95,2,0.05441883052298504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482390098142798,0.0,0.05449259798498688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584247919023398,0.0,0.0,0.1110200125705291,0.0,0.041630256399194314,0.0,0.05396885710283157,0.07610182320500823,0.0,0.0,0.09688859325503434,0.0,0.0,0.05112828263470239,0.0,0.0,0.16586606994744071,0.060101322842261926,0.0,0.0,0.05710920525883425,0.28877419978935154,0.059411268577564236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113542070794506,0.0,0.0,0.055903129303875934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061257696626053,0.0,0.056478154457542874,0.05685609543886184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963978629574382,0.0,0.0,0.03594312432421755,0.049224947744884284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006318326130768,0.03887682339901699,0.05225061131429333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613156041093754,0.0,0.14215796446929765,0.0,0.15463737734326966,0.04564393315875338,0.0435237100240077,0.0,0.0,0.10776639586820433,0.09624478422105592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133397703953713,0.0,0.0,0.05749648224865591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400229233076214,0.0,0.0,0.05666883779442844,0.1495358304003258,0.044358610060789234,0.0,0.057621684065011065,0.0,0.0,0.07687525870880015,0.13293145896112768,0.0,0.04805282435098871,0.19263581020845053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059278059866363635,0.0,0.05482124660057,0.0,0.11545955889681846,0.0,0.0,0.08687318267503863,0.0,0.040004101945285586,0.0,0.08394231382762518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663779940156022,0.052216335570779565,0.0,0.11420681680251868,0.0,0.0,0.08277594563830043,0.0,0.0,0.18127701378412145,0.0,0.05194893135321243,0.18863582557433112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051443384564709115,0.06134905483512991,0.05211819688686554,0.0,0.0,0.052071471386901685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057881124807447865,0.0,0.06194054293334625,0.1743104815340928,0.055951621221053516,0.0,0.11685091660577797,0.06164592666552963,0.046473383927190866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550747617719644,0.13009428689123986,0.24770429739894,0.0,0.0,0.055860147512236384,0.09003163791458244,0.0,0.0,0.11094628918651764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091742543520574,0.1155537850090571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378075451497074,0.12459308271537008,0.11905073611708698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26243876775427244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692071754803852,0.03486938926305958,0.053466224689338746,0.12960741837868206,0.06346411540519024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604613230394867,0.0,0.0,0.05315929005561453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319513468108353,0.043651503352283,0.0,0.0,0.05044680109374016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245781068366176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059498448365750224,0.0,0.14017577066143747
suicidewatch,ffffffFFFART,2018/03/16,"33 years old, fucked up loser I drive at night for my job and I constantly think about killing myself by driving off a bridge/overpass. I don't want to live. I'm tired of trying, sick and tired of who I am and I can't stand everyone else either. I want to go.",-0.5244642857142843,1.6052511964285756,1.4371428571428595,99.00785714285715,90.60714285714286,4.628571428571429,16.92857142857143,6.18269132825596,-0.4911499999999993,201,5,48,2,7,66,43,56,0.391,0.609,0.0,-0.9711,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,9,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,10,9,1,11,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,4,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26295903807241183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327543854326294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325173293568714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249595853740016,0.0,0.0,0.13829307191843915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414727611578865,0.0,0.2692144821473447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148695486183708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835371696704165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25533948843730386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591944974609426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593563162127482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520871159724226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28705095661267954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669997016853604
suicidewatch,Born3-1,2018/03/16,"I'm 43. Having recently hit 43 and just now having the seriousness of these thoughts, these plans, this utter sense of contentment at plans to make no more plans, the only thing I can say to you is that I am lonely as fuck.

My first kiss was at 19. I had no ""friends"" in junior high and high-school. I was one of 'those kids' - you know the type - the ones that get bullied other kids, tortured and harassed for what feels like an eternity?

I had no real girlfriends until I was 21. I am married to that girl now and we have 3 kids - we've been together for 22 years, and I am more lonely now than I have ever been.

I came out as trans when I was 19. I didn't have issues finding jobs, finding girls that were interested in me superficially... but I never really found happiness. I have a face that people think could never be this down. I make sure people don't really know.

I told my wife, and a younger woman I am in love with (I am poly if that matters), about how low I am, because I had plans. I had them all laid out. I knew what, where, when, how. That younger woman told me not to. My wife... she ignored her ""intuition.""

Its been to weeks - and that younger woman has largely exited my life. The only one that could have stopped me two weeks ago, is now someone I cannot even reach out to today. 

I am alone, and being alone is OK, but I am lonely. I have been lonely for years. I am madly in love with my wife, but I have been her rock, her stability, with no stability for myself.

I wrote a note tonight, because no one paid attention on the 1st. I will probably be posting this later tonight or tomorrow before I move on.


   

I spent the night watching videos. I reminisced. I apologized.
I looked at Reddit posts. I resolved. I embraced my thoughts.
I opened my eyes and found beauty in soap bubbles as rain
fell from the showerhead. I did not feel the drops hit my scalp.
The numbness remained long after doctors said it would fade.
I felt at peace for the first time in as long as I could remember…

At two years old I was
in my crib, looking at walls
wallpaper-painted blue,
trains and stuffed bears
in a border along the top.
I remember, I was crying.

The sound of water drops crashing onto the floor
are rainbow splashes, like paint the artist throws
on a transparent canvas. Each drop adds new color
to the image just as each color adds more complexity
to the painting. Each splash conceals imperfections
hiding the cracks in the deep layers, except from behind… 

At sixteen I fought my father
in the hallway. Spitting on me
while cursing my existence,
he smashed a train set he got me.
I didn’t know, he was dying.

I repeat myself. 
I repeat myself not because they don’t listen.
I am doing the same now.
Now is a moment. 
Now is a sometime, soon forgotten
by those who move passed it. The past.

I spent the night watching videos. I reminisced. I apologized.
I spent the morning writing. Posts on social media. The openings
to stories I wanted to tell, before I stopped dreaming.
I was crying. I was dying. I moved passed it. The past.
I repeated myself, not because you didn’t listen.
I repeated myself because you didn’t hear me.
",2.060416666666669,4.461176165032679,3.3135580065359487,88.33788602941178,80.65032679738563,5.916503267973857,23.124591503267972,7.1686216300943375,0.9459415032679741,2431,83,477,32,64,787,285,612,0.125,0.795,0.08,-0.9562,3,10,0,0,0,0,104.0,1,4,2,8,18,24,5,0,35,1,63,12,4,4,5,78,101,27,2,6,12,4,3,2,2,2,3,6,0,8,25,26,1,3,18,5,4,8,18,13,0,8,41,17,93,11,64,50,8,100,0,5,8,4,45,37,1,2,50,340,118,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174769239393262,0.0,0.0,0.16765714444410584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466988400258721,0.0,0.13774654785233953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257285033444416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387002830143224,0.0,0.1778157596777276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800416379182254,0.0,0.0,0.08284467223544399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053459559755048,0.07321411493529209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818505546333967,0.05782296065414288,0.07771429808377013,0.0,0.14795387375514826,0.13769363672255328,0.0,0.17749124881294268,0.0625334035142362,0.07482696028394002,0.04228737673247799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473444978799774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616125365913628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912243293316226,0.0,0.0,0.17103335818840176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447946691814029,0.08031963909772875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334461565783369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057169730844166676,0.07908558209415277,0.0,0.0,0.14325724043780566,0.13593703886885733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461015256249768,0.0,0.1080550516351575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580765918627034,0.0,0.0,0.12485055838680514,0.0781715566881716,0.0,0.15191185991719594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493204558701058,0.0,0.2193859106964536,0.1231157751400527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453119627760145,0.11222606135481847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23255205938690185,0.0,0.0872661170198209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921264975836912,0.10370341230714232,0.0,0.07991766778234964,0.0,0.09168830373520763,0.0,0.0769916874624547,0.06436607824037671,0.0,0.08191476320714805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250729295075812,0.06857949778390819,0.0,0.08005091072409648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533754402796505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628421174075124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074440387244968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053772389387854086,0.05186255324149935,0.0,0.1285133231604696,0.04719628209280451,0.0,0.07672087109356995,0.15468169484922206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581316202581351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047740020711307486,0.0,0.12984904321668767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057496865535410266,0.0,0.0,0.1563665192323571
suicidewatch,Drspidermonkey,2018/03/16,"First/Last First, and last post, so apologies for community standard violations

I’m trans (mtf) and have bipolar 1 with lifelong ideation. My straight gf and I have had an ever -broadening rift as I get further into my transition. Shit is awful. Every step forward that I think I make destroys something else. It’s this constant cycle and I’m so tired of it. My life’s canvas is black. 

It’s something like 40% of trans people and 50% of BP1 have an attempt. I did. OD’d on molly. Was almost enough. Since then I’ve kept 10x the lethal amount of cyanide around, but by all accounts this is supremely a nasty way to go. 

This time I’ll either OD better or asphyxiate. As a chemist and a welder, I have access to all of these things. I have plenty of BTC to order anything I need. 

I fucking hate this. ",1.245000000000001,3.837165904458601,2.4281878980891736,91.63540286624206,87.4076433121019,4.413885350318472,23.13662420382165,5.985473137389443,0.4745900636942677,625,24,123,5,20,199,107,157,0.136,0.7879999999999999,0.076,-0.8577,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,5,0,6,1,11,5,1,1,3,21,21,13,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,5,0,1,4,1,12,3,17,17,5,17,0,0,1,1,2,6,2,2,8,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609699444889853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115266733822578,0.17433158480467914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319707858511646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116243188569354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359211889958633,0.0,0.0,0.2023463246755519,0.0,0.0,0.17714083493202745,0.16499651434281934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331484071810156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104309847681305,0.10231389436445233,0.0,0.11129557425333196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334309763826366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192576765471144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832160456389414,0.0956733961451646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307190702379743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520660179534287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357649288466822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875524776489097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101825645456625,0.1619938693804357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015213661400948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301017701419075,0.12548094026712653,0.0,0.0,0.11419094286663092,0.22507954144601516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544195723811025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wndrae,2018/03/16,"Windy night I wrote the note. There's really not much else to say. I can feel the wind rushing through my windows. It comes in waves, soon I'll have the courage. I had more to write but the words are gone. Now I just feel empty",-0.16000000000000014,2.060239666666672,0.5591666666666697,105.30250000000002,89.83333333333334,4.033333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-1.0509416666666669,176,4,44,1,6,53,39,48,0.05,0.903,0.047,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,5,1,4,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38810272848945465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763706970836818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45561595404134797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33120079818327597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42280389727578177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886292545437646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35828971809341403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im_done_27,2018/03/16,"Does anybody just want to talk? I moved back to my parents in October to get my fourth shoulder surgery. I've been off work since then. I'm 24m. My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. My best friend died  6 years ago and i was cursed with watching it happen. I wad a drug addict for 3 years after that, opiates, prescription pills, and ive been clean for 3 years now. I've had a ton of flings. Maybe 60 or so different girls. Drugs and sex always helped fill my void until it didn't. I worked on myself, got clean and got a good job. I was feeling  good. I started dating a girl 8 months ago, the first time since highschool. She dropped me like nothing 3 days after my birthday. My mom just caught me crying 20 mins ago, she asked if it was about my ex. I said no it's because I'm just sad and depressed. My mom told me to stop talking stupid and I was mean for saying that I wanted to die. Then she went back to bed.  I'm a 24 year old man, ex drug addict, living eith his parents, layed off from work, debt up my ass from my drug days, crying at 2 in the morning. I'm pathetic and i want to die. Ive got a belt with me. I've put it around my neck and did a test jump from where I plan on hanging myself in the house. Next step is to wrap the belt around the piece of ceiling board at the same time. I've never considered suicide like this. I have, but not to this extent.",1.1894583987441152,2.7620971190476205,2.506394557823132,97.23320251177392,79.51020408163265,5.203349031920461,20.151229722658293,5.634304966280588,-0.3111225536368392,1059,26,252,5,26,341,164,294,0.104,0.818,0.077,-0.8179,5,0,4,0,0,3,37.0,0,0,0,6,11,10,1,0,14,0,13,11,3,0,1,28,33,15,4,4,7,6,1,2,2,0,7,2,3,3,9,13,0,1,2,0,1,8,4,4,0,1,16,4,37,6,37,17,5,53,0,3,1,2,22,14,1,2,32,137,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131458213843672,0.0,0.0,0.3111300395321644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730126165581959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622704511199909,0.08203169360721356,0.0,0.0,0.13494420734582746,0.0,0.0534898177828222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208516799080192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927721383505141,0.1131792408581687,0.0,0.07557644874045755,0.0,0.2732029092750566,0.09167704358797324,0.0,0.0,0.07678807861621828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070351130294591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436757031674905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463763852082843,0.0,0.0,0.06779319187243435,0.0,0.045844238175108284,0.0,0.0,0.14719620886457896,0.21053811540427886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775944708306323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881503156864245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124837236611846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707545725121746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857376016648683,0.0,0.07748229699114564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881537560639628,0.09558231595454587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055366862481657,0.14007779628992595,0.09326128078064776,0.0,0.0,0.06767597303551816,0.0,0.09332003642724122,0.0,0.0,0.08419570909990058,0.0,0.09207582090566588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486554098736414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821007151382082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346758608039669,0.06978001591153724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517061591517946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210784908378671,0.0,0.0,0.07336050474002362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959810855805487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105559052124295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233207942550654,0.0,0.0,0.08384611446648152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552665392667548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134244089479835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916428018107376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260250222550913
suicidewatch,grapeflavored56,2018/03/16,"the people i loved ruined me throwaway for reasons 

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was in middle school. I used to get bullied a lot but things have been up and down since then. During that time, I told my parents my feelings about suicide and they sent me to a psychiatrist for two weeks until they stopped paying. My dad told me I needed to toughen up, yelled when I cried, and made fun of my insecurities. He would ask me why I never wore girly clothes or makeup and I never wanted to because of my growing resentment of the others around me.

I have friends now, none of which know my suicidal feelings, but I've still had all these thoughts which make me even more depressed than I was before. It got too much and I confided in my mom, who after a while told my dad. He sat me down one day and said I had no reason to be sad because I go to a nice school and live in a nice house. He also said that were he's from, people who commit suicide aren't even buried and are eaten by wild animals. He said he would do the same to me and hate me forever because I kept ""threatening"" my mom, but he would send me to the doctor to see if I need meds or counseling (hasn't discussed it since).

Since then, I'm still very sad and try not to cry even when I'm alone. I hate that the people I thought could help me treat me like this after I pour my heart out to them. I hate myself, my looks, everything. I'm not pretty or attractive enough to get a bf due to my flat chest. I wish I could disappear. I wanted to get better but I don't know what to do. I have no one anymore.",4.432500000000001,4.444534810975611,5.1962439024390275,87.01826829268295,69.79268292682927,8.145365853658536,27.37560975609756,7.7348632917899725,1.3458300000000007,1230,36,272,13,20,400,170,328,0.225,0.6559999999999999,0.119,-0.9927,1,1,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,3,1,12,19,4,2,11,0,21,5,2,5,4,53,62,25,4,11,10,5,2,1,2,3,1,4,0,0,14,13,1,2,9,0,1,5,10,10,0,3,22,8,52,9,38,34,7,33,0,4,2,1,31,10,0,5,19,183,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588044599199192,0.0,0.06631135143752886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223467793539149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738166665893955,0.07751930752356077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164237571176506,0.0,0.07055908653722788,0.0,0.0,0.07333628624152633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241025944315635,0.0,0.18216815986173696,0.05347674777615477,0.0,0.07141915171839107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487246306419416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567885848625567,0.0,0.16430427165588546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452343855946479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385401242416464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640640349805099,0.0,0.12996733729390206,0.0,0.04712552981571362,0.0,0.06631895631137716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24559995238467386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826098065636513,0.055579743861055686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567891833722844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114168068700446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051068079622721,0.0,0.07322016337793018,0.0,0.0696321863502825,0.0,0.0,0.07049589239125137,0.0748388279090993,0.07846121347861322,0.055349958732052604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210578454407577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423055758102853,0.0,0.0,0.060955977505636826,0.1229687359673248,0.12790652819668732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237791218167867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207320447310724,0.0,0.0,0.17245953161792552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435977773100116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051180247561495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23662864397011205,0.0,0.0,0.16783958526512058,0.06607676079651642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743701884883169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244055230862073,0.06932510200576243,0.0,0.0866863243458749,0.0,0.3628054944319462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508857732243588,0.0,0.0,0.1974884198140497,0.048351506507319716,0.0,0.0,0.23770176304434976,0.0,0.056297455513773985,0.0,0.08100110566855345,0.0,0.0,0.07161653461693546,0.0,0.06841794965763587,0.0978171084554257,0.0,0.06651368052376852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482269305257014,0.0,0.09535427790262108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671265265890854,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihidthegunalready,2018/03/16,"My gun misfired tonight Long story but my gum misfired and I'm still alive..

I drove home from my military base to see my ma. I see her almost every weekend as she is 3 hours from my base. I always carry my pistol with me ever since my brother got robbed at his hotel. I got home, and everyone was asleep. My family doesn't know that I've had suicidal ideology for almost all my life. 3 years ago I tried to hang myself in Japan but my belt broke and I vowed to never try again. When I got home I started to drink heavily to get rid of the pain but the pain overtook so i started my letter. I told my ma I was sorry for destroying what she brought Into this word. I told my step dad he treated my ma right. I told my 21 year old brother and my 16 year old sister that I'm sorry that I put them through this. What broke me the most on this letter was telling my 6 year old brother that I'm sorry i left him. I told him I would miss all the times we played video games together. I told him I'm sorry i won't be able to take him to the playground ever again. And I told him I'm sorry he never got to know me as his biggest brother. I'm the oldest of all siblings at 24. Once I finished my letter I placed it on my bed that my ma never got rid of it whenever I left for boot camp. I took my glock 23 and walked out to my front porch. Smoked my last cigarette, drank my last drink. And put the pistol to my head. For about 30 seconds I waited to see if this was what I wanted. After those thirty seconds i pulled the trigger.there was a click.  There was not a round in the chamber so my glock dry fired. I immediately puked and cried for about 30 mins at 2 In the morning. Since then I've sobered up ripped the note to shreds and hit my pistol in my car and put my keys in the living room. Tonight was the closet I've come to death minus combat while deployed. Death at my own hands. I don't know what to do next.",1.1520637018436553,2.8136947066014666,2.858000396484506,94.26061190775127,79.92909535452324,5.497416242648517,20.100508821780213,6.243973517019112,-0.06734895922817685,1481,37,342,11,37,490,194,409,0.157,0.836,0.008,-0.996,1,0,4,4,0,1,32.0,1,0,1,0,11,8,1,0,15,0,15,9,3,0,8,38,51,21,3,3,5,10,3,0,0,2,3,0,7,0,16,15,3,1,3,7,0,13,7,6,0,2,23,7,75,2,45,24,5,67,0,3,5,0,35,20,0,4,34,202,91,0,0.0746891344179136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620741117698252,0.0,0.14958075859285333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062147343057514126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433807587310476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204250702651439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633383455822194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512119622929242,0.06292881706304539,0.07136866866885481,0.0,0.0,0.07041026876647136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039021990053019415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986786188814161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665259972858059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475787480286316,0.0,0.07355375242122339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314158495942215,0.12176322635315487,0.0,0.0,0.162299926165042,0.0,0.05275514445949273,0.0,0.0,0.06595187405939347,0.06609753362986015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281459470653496,0.0,0.07943274178320696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23512104752055926,0.07954149056542792,0.0,0.0,0.1589490099923596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803424869480162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22524962810205865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378411269840104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855271028873707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356724761343366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180418554567769,0.10573070752772874,0.0,0.05964683922603387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169779051614329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615693390480486,0.0,0.06528159553811487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043551834913193824,0.0,0.0,0.4282120120131289,0.08298237650795831,0.1014180390924358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405358660843127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305701815453091,0.0,0.0,0.1923894151426987
suicidewatch,crazyuselesscunt,2018/03/16,Drunk. Xanax. Waiting to die. I am fucking worthless. prove. me wrong. I'll tell you all the bad shit ive done so you can all tell me to kill myself and back me up maybe ill be the firdt person on here that you all agree SHOULD kill themselves,-1.1419607843137278,0.7679473529411744,-0.19176470588235264,106.53039215686277,104.88235294117644,2.266666666666667,13.509803921568627,3.1291,-1.7955725490196075,189,4,45,0,9,57,39,51,0.441,0.525,0.035,-0.984,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,0,0,3,7,4,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,4,7,8,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,0,4,5,3,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,2,0,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080829929744136,0.20719083091303367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575354832796068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539386373269717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294061878483801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490716740104343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492951509676839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667076907117716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25471742523825724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337795880629433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713077614067429,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MGawdOG,2018/03/16,"I 16M Want to die My mom is bashing me everyday then tries to get her friend to basically gang up on me saying how I need to ""change my lifestyle"" and ""get motivated"" but the problem is that im homeschooled, have no friends because mom won't let me see them, blames my last suicide attempt/drug overdose on me and uses it as an example to everything now, I want to get my computer back? ""No! you contact your drug dealers!"" also she is racist, calls my friends ""drug addicted monkeys"" etc. She doesn't believe depression and calls it a big pharma tactic, she doesn't consent for me to go to therapy or go see a councilor to help me, she wants me to go the gym near me but it's almost always packed and kids who used to bully me in middle school go there and always follow me around and laugh/talk about me behind my back, I just gave up and don't want to do anything, I just want to die because of my mom & I don't have a dad, he is out of state on work multiple years at a time. What should I do to try and fix my misfortune called life... I just want  hope in my life, Im seriously on my last thread before I let go and just commit to wanting to kill myself.",6.1588271604938285,4.539518596707818,6.9725205761316875,81.14050925925928,66.7366255144033,10.075308641975312,33.007201646090536,8.841846274778883,2.4430633744855967,901,31,199,12,12,302,133,243,0.16399999999999998,0.713,0.123,-0.9606,0,0,3,0,0,4,31.0,0,2,1,2,12,8,1,0,7,0,16,5,0,4,1,35,39,16,4,11,7,4,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,1,1,0,6,7,4,0,0,1,3,39,4,34,34,1,30,0,1,2,0,25,14,0,3,9,128,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944169091745733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134220781200203,0.0,0.0,0.07294744665308506,0.15180229269928186,0.0988352678250533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506509965048233,0.08120385471575542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028287868067368,0.0,0.11121197072874586,0.0,0.07762027299223223,0.10277207616624574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27943303500714445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649713759681404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856640902416312,0.0,0.18934092012718967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31735369659228724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173280300101824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819813567491908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114256913550369,0.0,0.1429737925462455,0.0,0.2592080388731591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114187559751508,0.0,0.0,0.09060060880106004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706338834199416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009198175810598,0.0,0.0,0.148710596603982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655430847469867,0.1288607281766093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205022126013177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763740379672778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728383920710651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254065735009363,0.0,0.09231804907443132,0.14537875880130516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977829540788953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331802039346359,0.0,0.0,0.104316369100017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531902738381355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386282420029948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756708995350266,0.0,0.0,0.3766214759831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640819551827264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058741759649136874
suicidewatch,whooooothefknows,2018/03/16,"so tired, so done, i hope i never wake up (i'm a 23 year old female)

reasons:

1) i have a facial deformity. makes dating suck. makes trying to make friends very hard. people stare at me. people take photos. people laugh. i've made kids cry before. i was bullied relentlessly in high school. i've cut and tried suicide 3 times. i've had very short term relationships in the past, i've had one night stands, but that's about it. 

2) i had an abortion at age 21. one night stand with a friend of a friend. thought pulling out would work. whoops. i got concert tickets for my birthday that i sold to pay for the procedure. i have extreme guilt about it. i killed a living thing that was inside me because i was too dumb and immature to properly prevent this. i was raised roman catholic. no one knows except me and the dad. if my parents found out, i'm almost certain i'd be disowned. 

3) my parents got divorced halfway through my college career. i'm almost certain that if i went to school closer to home (i chose a college 250 miles away, my second choice was 30 miles away), they'd still be together. i know i was the ""glue"" that held their marriage together and because of that, the marriage was doomed to fail, but my mom is sad. she doesn't know where she went wrong. she's lonely and sad.

4) i want to move out (i'll have enough money to do so in about 1-2 months) but my mom will be alone. i feel bad for her. i love her so much and never want to hurt her. i know me taking my own life, or even knowing i have these thoughts, would hurt her so much. i feel like i can't win. i am trapped

i just want to die, preferably pass away in my sleep from some anuerysm or blood clot. i'm tired. i know i have a lot going for me, i have a well paying job and really great friends, but i feel like my friends keep me around because they feel sorry for me. i'm always the ugly one in my group of friends. my parents have to love me because i'm theirs. it's not fucking fair that since i look different, i get treated like shit by a lot of people. i gave up a long time ago. i hope one day, i fall asleep and i don't wake up.",0.8468027210884372,2.872869417233563,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,82.718820861678,4.8270294784580505,20.911111111111108,5.82211442006289,-0.12233569160997693,1627,49,373,10,45,522,222,441,0.185,0.648,0.16699999999999998,-0.8724,6,4,0,0,1,3,68.0,0,0,4,3,15,36,6,1,17,0,31,13,7,5,4,62,76,21,3,10,11,6,5,3,6,3,3,1,1,1,13,13,0,3,15,2,4,7,7,16,1,6,22,8,65,20,45,47,8,49,1,7,2,3,32,23,4,11,20,214,78,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389643640230411,0.0,0.14435963072000393,0.07465532137637536,0.0,0.0,0.05997808527253171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416835524675706,0.0,0.0,0.20317052976242134,0.0,0.06018554633735002,0.17576232730315214,0.0,0.061336561782078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917880701439903,0.046486994161214205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480984411391517,0.07531045724775946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376501921603397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448008264941759,0.0,0.04760955016126018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578751132261988,0.10299093963174807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903430698142418,0.33414273050584475,0.06663874404084431,0.03765992449166981,0.0,0.04096592108699712,0.0,0.11530128749525426,0.0794707746192161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457140721159695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615870092486679,0.07230422797063417,0.14318758811312668,0.0,0.0,0.15433076728488224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153036620726279,0.06406988640046994,0.07974816871252413,0.0,0.237686636947802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050913722088294686,0.10564702566752307,0.0,0.06364981882744064,0.06379039413940732,0.06053081338917049,0.0,0.0,0.12256325503186123,0.1301138270638706,0.0682058300951588,0.1443460933247533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884337906997332,0.0575352480620173,0.07661186949557845,0.10597728127585088,0.0,0.11118832533252697,0.0,0.0,0.13528834408583273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563804309651831,0.0,0.24422349734628804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401159399218828,0.0,0.06881052494978036,0.19989062094617674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617764187315936,0.07411240862366426,0.0,0.07738920419591437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590187594989346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399124436178534,0.05962706167013261,0.0,0.07213416127552086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069001447373178,0.0,0.0,0.05756486171943435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884612286031133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839354362323207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047888147257144485,0.0,0.0,0.11445027855510675,0.08406330953783009,0.16569555069974234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978780346446943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895057042623555,0.12754767834802308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481046860587025,0.13364166595441454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052476630527316895,0.0,0.0,0.10241011771762162,0.07881046556873014,0.0,0.046418511955862725
suicidewatch,nothingbutbraindump,2018/03/16,I had an urge to jump off a bridge today I can’t pinpoint anything that triggered it. Too much going on I can’t cope. ,1.7361538461538473,2.7288780000000017,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,76.69230769230771,5.2,24.538461538461537,3.1291,0.15398461538461514,92,3,21,0,2,31,22,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526919117998072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639019247480006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707002260969947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6069373356493013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babymoone,2018/03/16,"Confessed to a lie and I can’t stand myself I don’t want to talk about what I lied about just trust me it was horrible and disgusting and manipulative and you all would hate me if I told you too. I lied to my boyfriend 3 months into our relationship, we have been together for almost 2 years now and I confessed about the lie today. 
I hurt him so much and I will never forgive myself for what I have done to him. He is the only person that cares and loves me in my life and I have ruined it. He doesn’t want to talk to me and I understand because I want to get away from myself too. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to have to see myself, I don’t want to think about what I have done. I am a coward and unable to bear myself. I self harmed for the first time in a year tonight and it’s not enough. I’m considering just ending myself because there is no way to escape this pain and the pain I have caused. It is all my fault and I know it. I want to just go away. I don’t know what to do. I feel hysterical, crazy right now, I feel like I want to throw up. I am such a horrible person, and I don’t want to be here. I keep thinking too much, I don’t know if I’m even thinking correctly. I can’t think about anything else and I don’t know what I can do with myself. I confessed, and I hurt him. And that’s it. That’s my reality. The unthinkable. An amazing 2 year relationship ruined by what I did 3 months in. I was so stupid. I hate myself so much. I don’t want to be here, but I’m a coward. I’m a coward for lying, a coward for not telling the truth, and a coward for contemplating suicide after confessing. ",-0.10516869095816617,1.8518964415954429,2.3673541760383903,94.5416565452092,86.008547008547,5.404138551506971,17.49895036737142,6.7183091564049375,-0.20832079772079792,1245,29,298,15,38,427,134,351,0.21600000000000005,0.7140000000000001,0.07,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,2,2,0,1,22,19,4,0,15,0,37,4,0,2,5,65,71,24,1,13,8,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,16,21,0,1,16,0,0,2,16,12,0,1,7,3,61,7,40,59,6,26,4,4,1,1,24,8,0,3,15,218,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474193394591866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785899731444125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778533434870514,0.0,0.0,0.11535124272958328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646495278115276,0.09719431225020976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936452883185852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790375893644633,0.0,0.0837996379559433,0.09776122362551708,0.0,0.06249144354382138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956790392090797,0.06759203214189899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047834816651643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943174294368227,0.0,0.0537711349121674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682284281636088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025718033081827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409698632506547,0.0,0.0,0.20798881742050865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682844048535877,0.046223465094101586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539254047445917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103947396557985,0.0,0.208655824325548,0.0,0.0729719030290638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719579673567357,0.20135125329127448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522603251183654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315936901438844,0.0,0.08079956605273785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539485355905266,0.0,0.09870270307492708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349200987375873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209378471472265,0.08269652688673769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424985041238432,0.0,0.0,0.05516999787119015,0.0,0.08968270607810057,0.09040742614813632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849617796793564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5580560002235762,0.07509993555212327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721084391671406,0.0,0.0,0.18278432432900849
suicidewatch,Anxietyequalsmc2,2018/03/16,"Feels easier to lie and say I’m doing better... While I really don’t think I’m ever capable of being good enough or smart enough or successful enough. Everyone expects so much of me and I’m failing so much that I’m exhausted. I told my therapist I was feeling better bc I think she’s even getting tired of my complaining. 

I think my plan is to wash down all my benzos with alcohol and maybe hang myself too.  I’m so fucking sick of living and disappointing everyone that I feel like I should just end it.",2.1867647058823536,4.414367088235295,4.352705882352943,82.02317647058824,79.09803921568627,8.393725490196081,23.925490196078428,9.120678840339163,2.1968125490196075,401,14,78,11,10,138,66,102,0.155,0.653,0.192,0.4817,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,5,7,11,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,18,20,10,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,4,14,6,8,16,6,5,0,2,0,1,4,1,1,2,4,51,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635454630408667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918908320692256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615737373110393,0.511524538042399,0.0,0.1089931351950752,0.14926864276274845,0.0,0.3153644166946711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503148718721155,0.11788921938066282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525569053660957,0.08621533342898202,0.0,0.0,0.1384096533382058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061968318356078,0.0,0.14571432170863538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578322106786206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426151078214596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057150497457631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122930117223272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159914855601826,0.0,0.3172114942348788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966444229643853,0.0,0.15768220834733554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Autumn_Fire,2018/03/16,"I don't want to die, but don't see any other alternative I've had a really brutal wake up call recently, just when I thought things were looking up no less. 

I got fired from yet another minimum wage job because I am just too dumb to do the simplest of tasks. This latest firing really hit me hard. I've always been very headstrong, very determined. I don't get knocked down easily. Which is why, despite my many disabilities, I tried to get out and do a job. But then I failed. Again and again and again and again. Because it seems like no matter how hard I put myself to task or how the strategies I use, or the help I get I just. Can't. Get it. And before you say ""well you must be good at something, you just have low confidence!"" I'm telling you that it's not confidence that's the issue.

I've done a lot of small time jobs. Cashier, night hotel staff, waiter, wear house worker. And all of them I've been fired from because I just can't do it on my own. I just can't seem to learn it. Whether it be the math or the protocol or just anything. This in and of itself puts such a tight knot in my stomach. I don't seem to be able to do anything other than theater which makes fuck all when it comes to money unless you get lucky. But to be honest I'm mediocre at best. Even when it comes to the talents I have I just never stack up. Ever. I'm never good enough.

I've thought about living on disability but honestly I'd rather die. I'd be living in piss poor conditions and barely scraping by. It's not life to live. To make matters even worse, I have a long distance girlfriend who wants to marry me but won't be able to support me on her back with the job she has. If she ever were to find out about this I'm sure she'd break up with me, not that I blame her. Who wants to be married to dead weight? I tried so damn hard to find some sort of niche, some place I could make money. But I fail  every damn time.

I'm afraid of death. But at this point I can see the writing on the wall. And all I ever think about anymore is how much I wish I could just end it all. My girlfriend, my family, they'd be so upset. But what other choice do I have? I can't live on my own! I'm too damn retarded to ever do anything! No matter how hard I try I can just never get it! I have tried so fucking hard, so many damn times but it's never enough. I always, always, always end up fucking something up at the end of it. Hell I'd probably fuck up sorting papers! 

I don't want to die but at this point it doesn't look like there's another option. If not by my own hand I'd certainly die homeless. I doubt I'd last a month... And I'd rather go out on my own terms. I just wish there was another way. I am so desperate to find something, anything that I can use. Something I can do. But it's like I can't do anything.",0.8638270298862736,2.6678105762144035,2.666596138587675,94.59918540068766,81.428810720268,5.663510535131799,20.188927091598337,6.678205002080027,0.09968408710217737,2162,58,502,22,57,717,237,597,0.198,0.664,0.138,-0.9935,5,0,4,0,1,2,74.0,0,5,2,5,46,32,12,3,17,0,54,12,5,9,15,108,97,42,6,13,36,0,11,3,2,2,2,1,0,0,34,17,1,1,10,1,4,5,23,18,1,0,10,16,63,14,64,72,17,69,1,3,4,4,21,31,11,17,34,329,97,12,0.1183246423274593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969111624118267,0.0,0.0,0.040232407153774435,0.18611055659394093,0.0,0.0,0.05867312520449239,0.0,0.0,0.2434277468064553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045492173102764016,0.0,0.10819440556979312,0.0,0.050342777799482055,0.0,0.06208720603617957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041134465222055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019262021852565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447259873470128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245604595368184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054359526967136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720076873141312,0.12226098569490633,0.0,0.07815231031100732,0.2140628263976083,0.04984680723043091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577297108141887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221986918349204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877845034770246,0.18545922583975408,0.0,0.033623310513573805,0.0992450961096417,0.04731751281552785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649890954927249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039655256787840834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826537533765414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061750092441338784,0.2348378994363523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822518803825826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417880970756422,0.08671116514897853,0.0,0.2089656539661735,0.052356792500226235,0.09936289873239404,0.0,0.0,0.050297689788777085,0.0,0.0,0.118473926339227,0.1199626155330658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722280031142118,0.0,0.04349111335926125,0.0,0.18251851729150798,0.0,0.0,0.05551983064661281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812033557921774,0.0,0.11185503290376947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378698859679374,0.0,0.0,0.11894894702460185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580179575059846,0.0,0.05841565475357676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047048252391093615,0.0,0.0,0.09428942039189968,0.16157746561821812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218418096534275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713670095137521,0.0557597875395039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171047638196128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039304817331637945,0.03790882653189141,0.0,0.093936549017198,0.10349407572406367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066933021366742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021945001254248,0.0,0.09763022187916877,0.13958187946101502,0.046960296760391367,0.0,0.07204376875530417,0.05319403183533149,0.0,0.05338479273986897,0.0,0.13606749917741534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602914596443405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bleghthrowaway90,2018/03/16,"I don't know what I'm meant to do anymore. I don’t know where I am meant to go from here. 

I’ve battled with mental illness for my entire life. I was first put into therapy when I was 9. Last year it just… exploded. I quit my job as a teacher in July. I was on track to a having a very successful career but I couldn’t justify the immorality of working in the education system. It’s too flawed. It does too much damage. Last year I spent a night in the ER, and then three weeks in an in-patient facility. I’m on four different prescription medications, I see a psychiatrist that’s meant to be one of the best in my state. I’ve been doing everything I’ve been told to do. It’s not making me happier. It’s not making me sleep better. It’s not making me self-harm less. It’s not making me want to be alive. 

It’s hard to explain, but it’s not the sadness that makes me want to die. It’s not even that I want to die, per se. It’s that I don’t want to be part of the world. I look at how everything is and I just… I feel hopeless about it all. Nothing will change enough to save the world. I can’t do anything to change the world. And just ‘doing my part’ on a small scale isn’t enough to justify living in the system, being complacent in the system. I feel like just by existing I’m contributing more ‘bad’ than ‘good’ and I can’t live with that. It makes me crawl out of my skin. I can’t be here. I don’t belong here. 

Three years ago, my older brother died, and my mother and little brother haven’t been the same since. My little brother is a step away from being a junkie. I live in the spare room of my friends’ house. They’ve been good to me. I have a support network that really do love me and want me to be okay, but they’re not equipped to actually help. Right now, they’re the only reason I’m here. I know that if I die, it will just… well, in all honesty, I think Mum and my brother would probably kill themselves too. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just float the idea of going out together. At the same time as that though, I resent that I have to live for them, essentially. They know how much it hurts. My skin burns with it all. I can’t sleep for days. I’ve been like this for months now. I just… I logically know why they’re not like ‘yeah, go for it, die already,’ but fuck… 

I don’t know what I am meant to do. Getting a job, apparently, but I just cannot and refuse to work for a company that isn’t a) ethical and b) doesn’t let me be me. I can’t pretend. I don’t have the capacity. I’m kind of fucked on that front too. I don’t know what I’m meant to do. Do I just live off minimal government support and take advantage of my friends’ hospitality until I lose it completely? 

Other relevant details: I’m 27, female. I have degrees in Education and Psychology (mmm, I know). I get kidney stones and I'm allergic to morphine. Maybe that one is less relevant. 
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suicidewatch,spontaneousuicide,2018/03/16,"are there any alternatives to suicide i wrote about something similar in r/depression . 

i do not want to be alive anymore. i am worthless, disappointing, unhelpful, and useless. i try my best to stay motivated but i am unable to. my favorite activities nowadays are sleeping and crying (sometimes these may occur simultaneously.) i cannot focus on my school work. i am slipping as i promised i would many months ago- i will soon be worth absolutely nothing, and everyone i love will leave me. 

i am clinging on to my boyfriend who i love dearly, the few friends that i have, and my cat. i want to live for them. i want to keep searching for genuine happiness. my attempts are futile however. 

i am desperate to find a way out of this constant suffering. my mindset is not changing. i am not changing. my efforts are useless, but i still want to hold on. i want an escape, a safe alternative to suicide. 

but i don’t see any alternative fuck. i cant do it i cant. please.",1.806485507246375,4.5624152282608685,3.7532608695652208,81.80876811594204,86.93478260869566,6.544927536231885,29.949275362318843,7.793537801064563,2.5092579710144944,758,41,139,16,24,255,110,184,0.268,0.5710000000000001,0.161,-0.9645,1,0,1,0,0,4,31.0,0,0,1,5,4,14,1,0,4,0,24,4,1,1,0,24,35,8,2,6,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,1,1,33,8,20,28,2,12,0,5,1,3,6,5,1,1,5,101,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794609348301514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963082984984152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431435774207436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147283791518673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053789387791654,0.0,0.0,0.15597708346462247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854748112013026,0.0,0.0,0.12431729691161802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792024474199965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192145650283835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115144532860289,0.1334372846860851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364948261691935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829340940436365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283210423295746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274522669558303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26053966102476633,0.0,0.0,0.1463351226332624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520846296908475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849530033889218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584387465318848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607680890134267,0.11501794817290152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444129691000848,0.0,0.0,0.11111771923668798,0.142753041459099,0.0,0.0,0.15384409961113296,0.11526776129609002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157626301016973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799538812881484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256686834799557,0.11456803863087035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507909757044948,0.0,0.0,0.10253290506380186,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon17751,2018/03/16,"I lost the will to live the day I died. Yes wonderful title but all too true. I was fighting for my life with cancer for 9 months. During an operation to remove the tumor I died on the operating table for several minutes. Ever since then I haven't felt the same. I have had a note written since then and I have been trying my hardest not to finish the job, but I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my cancer free status and it has become harder and harder to find a reason to get out of bed. I lost my drive, my spirit you could say. Since that day I started drinking in secret, and I haven't been able to sleep. Sorry if this seems like the ramblings of an angsty 18 year old but I had to get it off my chest. If this falls on deaf ears I won't mind I just had to say it.",1.9998433901427932,3.126833802395212,3.905029940119761,89.94585444495623,76.24550898203594,6.336066328880701,20.031782588668822,6.67199483983844,0.12120027637033635,603,12,136,5,13,205,99,167,0.17800000000000002,0.725,0.098,-0.9473,1,0,1,0,2,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,3,6,1,0,12,1,15,8,3,1,3,26,25,11,2,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,4,4,1,0,6,7,1,0,6,1,1,4,4,3,0,0,10,5,21,4,22,12,2,22,1,2,0,0,5,7,0,4,12,93,27,1,0.15407195320063052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016036749150326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271934521927106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301391768176904,0.0,0.0,0.19872732751947286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198047251958186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150931858331429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936690245575822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793323678133594,0.0,0.14081897397659945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099247292394112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528926398592434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882557699458373,0.07527177385886592,0.0,0.13604835740519222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363754744139989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556875175590262,0.0,0.12297876311256847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616725971918722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841162853781776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504840236106296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026131965597824,0.0,0.17405745227880404,0.0,0.3823497354695846,0.0,0.15418322212262062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247093755150925,0.1090529214793974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460474267460376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708446097658208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843457282759192
suicidewatch,SgtPyle,2018/03/16,"What is the point? I am a burden on my family. I'm about to get fired for bologna. My family will be better off without me. My minor (15 is the youngest) children can ""grow up"" and support me, or I can rent a .45 at the local gun range, and put it to my head. I think they'll be better off without a loser of a father.

I know many of you will say that a loser dad is better than no dad, or that a dad who did the deed will cause trauma. You don't understand. I am especially dead weight to my family. I truly believe that they're better off without me. I can't stand the pressure anymore.

I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror. I am such a loser.",0.6160455037919803,2.194202056338032,3.2953521126760603,90.89173889490792,81.25352112676056,5.777681473456122,19.373781148429035,6.67199483983844,0.10352156013001056,500,12,114,5,13,176,81,142,0.123,0.6940000000000001,0.183,0.7859,1,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,7,2,11,0,1,13,0,18,2,1,1,0,11,25,4,1,0,5,4,2,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,6,2,1,0,3,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,1,5,21,5,20,18,0,14,0,3,1,0,10,10,0,2,0,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523981439260163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731320996078064,0.0,0.5436302147090036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786017349475787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43459576651612347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028559837071245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577085081390824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445234613741545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904307797777018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557960299884429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526667314810734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447957378547308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220358663997735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438151757974207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846475335578736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997462590775535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871271830412544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443936787866288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sashazaurus,2018/03/16,"Getting fired tomorrow morning, really want to kill myself after that. Pretty sure I'm getting fired tomorrow morning.  I know the method of suicide I want to use. I spoke to my boyfriend and he says he'd never forgive me if I killed myself. We are in a long distance relationship, unfortunately.

Pretty sure the only people that will care are my boyfriend and my father, so I'll owe them an apology in the afterlife, probably.

Truth is, I've been suicidal for a long time. I have attempted suicide and failed once. Did self harm, too. The whole thing.

I want it all to end. My life isnt getting better.

I just wish my dad and my boyfriend would understand.",2.895932307692308,5.4882214240000025,4.113600000000002,82.69618461538462,78.76,7.366153846153848,27.215384615384608,8.384062270229773,2.2330123076923085,518,22,95,11,13,169,82,125,0.278,0.561,0.161,-0.9761,1,0,1,0,0,4,19.0,1,0,1,3,3,10,2,0,7,0,10,1,0,1,5,21,24,6,5,6,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,4,19,6,9,18,2,10,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,1,8,59,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712101344940613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654635878646244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730563231527012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528519616754686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180406771903756,0.0,0.07899242932930002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152355165430173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25440007561141564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085649631621933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307198395181926,0.0,0.10931615885126987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996470349665578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29245823559195044,0.15496952684772194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207965981849443,0.0,0.0,0.15431648968904474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430301966671715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499458748591022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716648929969254,0.0,0.2709351258686247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549046096567476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381243207180045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963212876215196,0.0,0.12413999844846567,0.0,0.0,0.25433405337554066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604738411888452,0.16528696863373132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210448627186904,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smiller8809,2018/03/16,"Sometimes I want to die. Infertility sucks! With my infertility I have contemplated suicide a few times and one time where I actually grabbed a rope after a heated argument with Mr wife.  I can't deal with the disappointment anymore.   I feel useless and if I don't have children, what would I have to look forward to in life?? ",4.668196721311475,6.7392781147541,6.190950819672133,72.40609836065575,71.13114754098359,8.814426229508197,33.511475409836066,9.3871,3.312708852459017,259,13,47,6,5,88,44,61,0.318,0.662,0.02,-0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,10,3,2,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,8,0,8,9,1,6,0,2,1,0,4,3,1,1,4,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.30286275941861496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077898308493972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199634852347185,0.0,0.0,0.3221006065414937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569253564801112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921367381748585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606209374987215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030530823494148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069500935748293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394791727954891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619422458465452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830560538543519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204680508530561,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuperAuror426,2018/03/16,"I'm 17 and I feel like my best days are behind me Everyone left...people I thought were my best friends barely talk to me anymore, I feel like they'd barely miss me if I was gone. I dunno why I don't do it...my mom I guess. What is the point of carrying on. I feel alone constantly. It sucks going from a good reliable circle of friends to no one basically overnight, especially with MDD...I feel like I'm never gonna have anything like that again, and I'm just fizzling out until I eventually kill myself. I know I'm going to...I'm gonna lose the will to keep fighting eventually, it might be tomorrow, it might be a year from now, 10 years, it might be when I'm 60. I don't know what I'm saying, sorry for the rambling. 

Thanks for listening",0.9167177419354856,2.9953101677419376,3.1855443548387115,89.47831653225809,82.80645161290323,6.455645161290324,21.945564516129032,7.6454224807358475,0.9037177419354836,576,19,127,10,16,197,93,155,0.121,0.687,0.192,0.9216,0,1,0,0,2,1,27.0,0,0,1,3,4,15,3,0,5,0,16,0,0,0,1,20,40,5,1,1,2,1,4,4,2,6,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,4,6,18,10,14,26,2,16,0,2,0,0,8,3,1,6,14,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120242167093755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520814354980934,0.0,0.0,0.11219246842400614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861513115958448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733020001014108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792509402877446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027437615792578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27574122337979035,0.2921942431843209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066487899010589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496516944323324,0.11435171686047872,0.0,0.0,0.15018888163041896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211812225724486,0.15083498856378005,0.0,0.14985280851201424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812887802161892,0.0,0.0,0.2664264800161386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252450835335793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43389113976715016,0.0,0.15967444495744162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515031285805393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238443722018297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451784288962753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888107879809632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841943122838092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261638739605551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958127979853348,0.0,0.12551937586301146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823512775077594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302154853677988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559113476948535
suicidewatch,WestminsterJLE,2018/03/16,"Why should I live if I'm going to die anyway? I could try at life, I might (but probably won't) be successful. I'll die at the end of it.




If I die in the next 20 minutes, I'll get the same result. I'll die.




Why should I wait 70 odd years when I can have it today? ",-2.035783410138251,-0.4585509838709676,1.3771889400921675,100.96435483870968,91.09677419354836,4.833179723502305,13.695852534562215,6.18269132825596,-1.0431179723502302,197,3,55,2,7,71,41,62,0.322,0.6779999999999999,0.0,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,10,12,4,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831299983029375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7711517370968829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452684269264334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970511185214684,0.0,0.10557080282077316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120668040248373,0.0,0.0,0.16402810664844314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706035072962227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755620937868368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002790175275712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607728189612948,0.0,0.0,0.12611778792933834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33523620023634104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962234566920354
suicidewatch,BitterLifeFace,2018/03/16,"I don't even know what I'm asking for. I got fired from my job last month. Today, on the first day of my new job (involves driving) the head gasket on my car breaks, totaling the car. I never accomplished much at 40 years old as it is. I could have saved more, asked for more hours. There are plenty of things I could have done. I have no credit. No one to borrow money from. The place I live is rural, and now I can't get anywhere. I looked stupid in front of my new employers...............................I'll probably never kill myself, I don't think I have the courage to do it. But I'm tired of needing things. I think about dying every day, for a long time now. From silly things like actually jumping out of my car window and imagining myself skipping along the pavement (can't do that one now), to just cleaning up all my embarrassing half-finished lyric notebooks, porn, etc so my family wouldn't find it and then walking out into the woods and hanging myself. I looked up suspension hanging. You just pass out and that's it............I was REALLY bad 15 years ago when I didn't have my own car or a steady job, and I feel like I'm sliding back to that. Asking people for rides. Having nothing. I really don't want to be that way again. I do what I can solution-wise regarding my setbacks, but even those things don't take up all of your day. Online applications. Couple of phone calls. Then it's 90% do nothing. Be nothing. Have nothing. 
I almost half-wish that one of these times I just go to sleep and don't wake up. At this point the prospect of that doesn't scare me. 
I'm a loser. I make an effort but I am very anxious, and constantly worried that anything I do will put me in a worse situation. It can always be worse. But usually I'm not sliding down an incline toward worse, knowing it's coming and I can't fix it. At least I feel like I can't fix it. Sometimes a solution pops up that I didn't see coming. But the time in between hurts. Every waking second of it. And I have a lot of those ahead of me it seems. Lots of people have worse problems than me. Doesn't make me feel any better though.",1.1396435076762934,3.3336494332552715,2.7570366900858723,92.19675201665363,82.77049180327869,5.4817382253447855,20.02753057507156,6.742157984588678,0.244399365079365,1616,45,346,18,45,530,208,427,0.121,0.8059999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9731,4,0,0,0,0,3,101.0,0,2,0,6,15,16,2,2,17,0,42,6,4,2,5,54,71,22,2,6,10,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,28,17,0,0,10,0,3,18,19,8,0,5,5,7,47,8,51,59,11,72,0,2,3,1,8,21,0,5,34,238,75,5,0.0,0.0,0.07916322755220499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190962897324385,0.0,0.08123181877022208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749988107815368,0.0,0.0,0.0551656425182837,0.0,0.0,0.09164460462118416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675637382585174,0.0,0.2275139485809139,0.0,0.0,0.06237769838565376,0.06773335964186496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174568758025714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828344829180964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975858843113384,0.0,0.08766390512547106,0.0,0.1295383989740434,0.08975978850719042,0.0,0.15695065439175526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419167698034351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301582156525288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047231082233123,0.10716043899924932,0.0,0.13669732153194186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647446430685367,0.0,0.1230529404895436,0.11590693743693188,0.0,0.0,0.07414390492499373,0.0690022075855136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423828205426915,0.0,0.04610341909156802,0.0,0.06488055727957677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832544258766171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988868545337181,0.0,0.08684262252700319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24150276841256094,0.0,0.08974931226691182,0.0,0.08916489889566682,0.06612513821326202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889612074836155,0.0,0.07163208331803618,0.07179028804893345,0.13624385262608948,0.0,0.0,0.13793379868014652,0.0,0.0,0.10829893495537664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475068992852344,0.0,0.059633896702451575,0.06015082686212661,0.12513234964274195,0.15669598422325526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113544271902225,0.0,0.08512373962590385,0.0,0.16491080319546228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124793587624283,0.0,0.08475507154099192,0.0,0.07668637294625946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746307912422382,0.07762265854832176,0.0,0.08154986929324015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393747385381502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121712769260246,0.0,0.06464361476948963,0.07385028917307082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911843627872518,0.08118043924953207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023158790298376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609935384812843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155750207911844,0.10395921699404237,0.0797018096932892,0.0,0.14190841632547596,0.09323763768542598,0.07689403227844062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934426139022016,0.066934025331637,0.047847771293832005,0.06439075180698521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328612863366728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238318050249202,0.3306803987077052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447962860463393
suicidewatch,doiv2,2018/03/16,"I don't belong anywhere I've been struggling with depression and an existential crisis for over 6 years now to the point where I feel nothing but indifference. I'm never satisfied with anything, neither can I bring myself to care about anything. 

I dropped out of highschool, I don't have a job and I'm slowly becoming homeless. I threw everything away because I kept telling myself that I was going to commit suicide anyway so nothing I did mattered. 

Now I'm finally going to own up to those words and hang myself. I don't want an afterlife. I don't want to be conscious anymore.",3.4738329238329264,6.057846342342343,4.7166257166257175,79.2197542997543,76.56756756756756,6.91924651924652,31.712530712530715,8.00094639256281,2.7132810810810812,468,24,78,8,11,154,73,111,0.175,0.747,0.078,-0.8553,1,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,10,0,0,0,2,16,22,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,5,1,14,1,15,16,2,17,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,5,57,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898860927867546,0.0,0.0,0.3468274518366881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798878939151898,0.0,0.0,0.1284597123069943,0.2327359249553944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485438368487764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150237306475345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893915094486497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065519673630343,0.0,0.0,0.2308456010541089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395266616218641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091180836118601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252880242621526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044043153173723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920898781090848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203018826529357,0.0,0.23050560184465355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418825495554886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24858930530282816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570390841000113
suicidewatch,SillyPrinny,2018/03/16,"I wish I had the nerve. Slowly but surely, I start feeling more and more pushed towards wanting to end it all. I don't have a long story to tell you, I dont want the pitiful attetion. I'm not asking for help, but just wanted to ask. What's the difference between being happy and being distracted? Why don't I have the nerve to actually off myself?",2.5969483568075127,4.3073036478873235,4.647535211267607,82.81853286384978,75.90140845070422,6.986854460093897,24.509389671361504,7.793537801064563,1.3967727699530514,273,9,53,4,6,94,50,71,0.098,0.6829999999999999,0.218,0.8745,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,13,17,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,8,2,8,14,3,6,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.231690847789016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439173865650055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480567681099323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27825828617384624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102865326343008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004833130446547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527414694062369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913980290170507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101121090610681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804940162800625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376860768679835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075183893879574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420115160990834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423755846604614,0.0,0.2730250256135185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ladymac16,2018/03/16,"I’m a “stupid fat cunt” I thought things were getting better. They weren’t. I gained 30kgs last year after I lost our baby at 7months. I am not me. This is not me. I hate this person and he hates it as well.
It is better to disappear.
I am killing myself tonight
",-0.7795909090909099,1.3837743818181851,0.8221590909090928,101.41323863636364,96.0909090909091,3.4772727272727275,17.784090909090907,5.148860815047168,-0.7531363636363633,201,6,47,1,8,64,41,55,0.272,0.526,0.203,-0.6809999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,1,4,1,9,5,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,4,12,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,0,11,3,4,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,31,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825263398105915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252304185138026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386530650122077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018049489053038,0.0,0.0,0.2223626393978204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977856973495494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381922560716793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123149496023966,0.0,0.0,0.21656710761621004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452735966468861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566969693812254
suicidewatch,mebigbrayn,2018/03/16,"homage wish I  could man, honors to the lucky ones. I don't make enough money paycheck to paycheck to pay for ropel",2.9552173913043482,4.8901473478260895,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,75.52173913043478,4.6000000000000005,20.195652173913047,3.1291,-0.3835043478260873,91,2,18,0,2,28,19,23,0.053,0.611,0.336,0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026340082624664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210656993007916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661705422480065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34171951185777505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799078602876311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RCFusions,2018/03/16,"I miss my her. She hates me. 7 months ago my girl and I split. We'd been together 2 years and I genuinely thought we were gonna last so much longer. 

Anyway, I haven't stopped thinking about her ever since we split. She's moved on, forgot everything we ever had, and is at peace. I'm in a deep pit of depression and can't get out.

This isn't the only thing that my depression stems from, but it's the main source. I struggle with everyday activities and have no hope for a future. 

I pretty much want to just disappear and never return.",2.0108181818181805,3.9063302636363666,3.503636363636364,89.53545454545456,78.18181818181819,7.309090909090909,21.909090909090907,8.238735603445708,1.0811999999999995,419,12,91,8,10,138,81,110,0.147,0.732,0.121,-0.2185,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,4,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,4,0,9,0,0,0,3,22,19,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,0,18,1,10,12,3,18,0,3,0,0,9,5,0,1,11,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077591894065687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707302960630183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893502241024936,0.0,0.0,0.19342218281815612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244143033108152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248115496072376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137579592951523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542969123657734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717832861820474,0.2287404529535487,0.31641691400342103,0.0,0.16598777752823662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636813976502265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895195211322402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802882483506652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993013759485071,0.0,0.2249903976462759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297988767050854,0.13790166517038369,0.0,0.17085739278863205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269399198435526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859198998957392
suicidewatch,slicehishand,2018/03/16,"i dont know what's stopping me I've had thoughts of suicide since i was 14. weak attempt at 15. im 18 now. i kept telling myself i won't do it until I'm older. just in case things change. but it hasn't. im in college now and i feel the worst i have in a very long time.

i don't understand why im not dead yet. because i really really want to be",-2.4813858093126377,-0.7678718658536585,1.1319068736141915,100.22473392461201,96.92682926829269,4.445232815964523,17.210643015521065,6.11248444174946,-0.4866487804878048,265,8,71,3,11,96,59,82,0.13699999999999998,0.755,0.108,-0.4867,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,11,16,3,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,1,10,0,7,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435539213357268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580301665344756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23908433814060126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314760516019253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6610590956672517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211206025044462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805319626629429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613729051521239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687493958354995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705516061225424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231408897902098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783033938037913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552732083345995,0.0,0.0,0.1619517616533253,0.1189529745312525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236929130577128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831985621530166,0.1203234071833682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407662023301608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IThinkINeedHelp223,2018/03/16,Horrific insomnia for years. I've had insomnia for years.  I don't sleep much more than a few hours a night and have daily migraines.  I think about killing myself way too much.  I've tried every medication and it never gets better.  I don't know what to do.,1.4752941176470602,4.0071611372549025,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,84.68627450980392,6.537254901960785,20.264705882352946,7.793537801064563,0.9609058823529412,202,6,41,4,6,66,37,51,0.223,0.777,0.0,-0.9043,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,5,5,1,0,1,5,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,5,7,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445926245471886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330116120545007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448987335514862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723534181034465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30596988584314405,0.0,0.15198876318510088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786025745394829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406603150610611,0.0,0.2132981845120469,0.0,0.0,0.25953046862472623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675721520857843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720687185553338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877643811154076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951846183673712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561879108557753
suicidewatch,throwawayeventually_,2018/03/16,DAE feel extreme guilt when it comes to calling helplines? [x-post from r/depression] My doctor gives me numbers for various listening services and even though logically I know they’re there to listen and they shouldn’t be judging me I still feel like they are. Like my problems are pathetic and they know it so I’m just wasting their time and taking it away from someone else who needs them and deserves to be listened to because their life matters and mine doesn’t. Even when I’m at my most suicidal I can’t bring myself to do it because the thought of going through with it makes me feel even worse. Do other people have this experience?,5.200650406504064,6.748768739837402,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357723,68.91869918699186,7.743089430894308,32.365853658536594,8.167268648758528,2.3843756097560966,517,23,96,7,9,159,83,123,0.153,0.8,0.047,-0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,0,10,4,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,22,28,10,1,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,8,8,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,6,17,2,13,24,2,9,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,6,67,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870454454901818,0.0,0.0,0.231895295195968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422131663187295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384539445091914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382391656005618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468362438831036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889248077038148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768872724272811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605770158332932,0.0,0.0,0.28852119643136537,0.13588301153535087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246266797468555,0.10809829966644456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906418982523686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343479321689527,0.18584982405617706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696380176393693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103513872609486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318647040650209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216451164471192,0.0,0.0,0.1820011957897765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116069780995726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189854169738118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805419700904867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301103758425054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687616402313315,0.15100210345428933,0.11091049077202073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383588862643905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MasonRedditK,2018/03/16,"Sick of trying to feel better I'm nothing but a failure to everyone that I know. There's hardly anyone that cares about my pathetic existence. In fact I met a lovely girl a few years ago, had a boyfriend but i didn't care, she shown genuine interest in me and my life. She cared about me and all of my issues, she was the only one I could really talk to about them. I have overprotective parents, who at the same time wouldn't care. ""Oh you'll get over it your fine"" and such. About 2 months ago she had broken up with her boyfriend and after those 2 years I really did begin to love her. I had, after about a month, confessed my feelings to her. We talked less and less until about a week ago where she wouldn't answer call or texts or anything, and even blocked my Facebook Insta ect. And now I'm alone, no friends and with a family that doesn't care. I've even began drafting suicide notes and getting the things to go through with it. A quick and quiet end, the least trouble for everybody. I don't know what to do or why I'm like this. All I know is that no one would care if I was gone and it's about time I put myself first.",3.1993817271589498,4.177087591489362,4.061602002503129,90.56411764705885,73.08510638297872,7.231539424280351,23.61076345431789,7.5105763829236425,0.7878685857321654,884,23,197,10,17,284,134,235,0.161,0.685,0.154,-0.208,1,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,2,1,2,14,14,0,0,12,0,17,4,0,0,3,37,40,18,1,5,6,1,3,1,1,4,2,1,0,1,12,15,0,1,7,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,10,4,31,13,29,25,7,28,1,0,0,2,23,6,0,4,20,136,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878949848159723,0.0,0.0,0.11212358531107942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569714953528478,0.0,0.08908786163678628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574621151322688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105444548592953,0.0,0.6622630649705893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643593340282182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588526450297813,0.0,0.0,0.14300798283931646,0.0,0.0,0.1034460312800516,0.0,0.0,0.1020568689469167,0.0,0.10947791906662717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208497660534228,0.0,0.0,0.08364056810067076,0.0,0.1131216282698042,0.0,0.0615260354273741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969787223692406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299417925119762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784888031006046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646647227317396,0.05288983681674447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954157924710717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282246397286688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387734735968296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671808323816074,0.08233578212742051,0.0,0.0,0.12020871197580345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883010948208123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387068643620656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184176803473455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402882795624158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192241176360559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625328623230947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350069603369241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683877041411794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768683092850776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690402612253099,0.0,0.0,0.13943038190291768
suicidewatch,C0rruptedDrag0n,2018/03/16,"I think I'm gonna kill myself It's like no matter how hard I try I can't get myself together 
I have no friends to talk to and to top it all off I'm failing collage + got into an argument with my mom and she thought I was going to hit her after She insulted me calling me a 2 year old...

So I'm doin good",-0.9142261904761924,0.5138352361111131,2.6797619047619072,94.17000000000002,85.5277777777778,5.780952380952384,21.3968253968254,6.868970318607317,0.3671325396825402,235,8,60,3,7,87,54,72,0.254,0.595,0.151,-0.8375,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,13,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,1,13,3,8,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,35,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958207290622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342371716846203,0.0,0.15839975064723066,0.0,0.17230495739973678,0.2542941458783649,0.2424818349356059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715909534954099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354252619765941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481191013899387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550823521836245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181378435472734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368569808729276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942663777266854,0.0,0.2406921393143661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584024650646807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195238859834956
suicidewatch,sheisalone,2018/03/16,"I think I'm going to commit suicide. I'm being screwed over by my depression. I've been cutting again and I can't bear to tell my boyfriend that I'm thinking this way. I feel useless worthless ugly stupid terrible but no one is around to listen. My boyfriend works 12 hours a day 5 days a week and he's always tired, and often napping so I can't exactly reach out to him. And my parents aren't being supportive of me, they are just so busy with their lives and the new baby that is coming. I feel like I'm losing my choices, and that soon I won't have any freedom, and that I will always have to be the babysitter for my parents and I will always have to do things for them. And what's the point of living if that's all I'm here for? I can't take it anymore. I've already written a note and I think I'll do it.",2.3862194055944066,3.294823539772729,3.903636363636366,91.18891608391613,74.9659090909091,6.324475524475527,25.470279720279716,6.297961479604792,0.700505769230769,637,21,144,4,13,212,101,176,0.217,0.754,0.028,-0.9804,2,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,3,2,8,10,3,0,6,0,19,2,0,0,3,26,35,14,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,10,14,0,0,5,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,2,3,21,2,16,27,1,14,0,4,0,1,9,4,1,2,8,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770644169161756,0.0,0.4019827728374295,0.0,0.0,0.10950951611891167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970373151598738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335554535350598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871763922157754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077088737649359,0.0,0.1386994552358393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284855760301584,0.11504363997334513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152006367861452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585873179030793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867370617652965,0.0,0.2843942143934177,0.0,0.0,0.18015729298656574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555288819882594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912167692497317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576212541026164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152230395784404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614646500107545,0.18274093337006392,0.0,0.0,0.12107849343460288,0.0,0.1407519372435992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698468800731643,0.3095547254437937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508637117055854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278223138718782,0.129172792345022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172356055976383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tyetsa,2018/03/16,"How successful would stabbing myself in the abdomen be? How long would it take for me to die? If someone saved me at the brink of death, what would like afterward be like?",3.33818181818182,5.563379181818185,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,75.36363636363637,6.824242424242425,26.15151515151515,7.793537801064563,1.4266242424242432,135,5,27,2,3,41,26,33,0.166,0.575,0.259,0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,2,0,7,6,3,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,5,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530834466261947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33241806957645764,0.0,0.0,0.30107444402755873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882581585946906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25579498545832896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7250245825550306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VioPostsThings,2018/03/16,"Life Seems Pointless During 5th or 6th grade, my parents divorced. All I remember from that time was being shoved between parents and houses, a lot of crying. This was also the time I became subject to bullying with no help from my parents or school staff. 
During Middle School is when I felt numb to everything. I didn't talk to people, I never really felt happy or sad. I just lived day by day, not taking in what everyone else considered to be beautiful and exciting. The only thing I seemed to care about was doing school work and drawing for hours on end, but to me, this was the last bit of connection I had to an actual life. 
This is also when I heavily detached from my parents. It was a lot of lying, unkempt promises, gaslighting, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse. That was mostly from my father but my mom is a liar.
I think 8th grade was my worst year, it was the year I really stopped talking to anyone. I joined the marching band because it gave me an excuse to be away from family and I started to make friends with the percussionists, though things were still terrible.
Due to harassment from a specific student, even over the summer when I didn't talk to anyone, I moved schools. I do have a better social life here, but to make up for it, it seems like my home life had gotten worse. My father, I believe, is bipolar. Because one day, he can be super nice and the next, he can be the worst man you've ever met. Sometimes, this switch happens in only minutes.
I am currently a freshman, 9th grade year. I am currently in the 4th quarter of my freshman year and I have likely contacted the Suicide Prevention Hotline 5 - 6 times, the Child Abuse Hotline twice, The Lighhouse once, and the Domestic Abuse Safeline twice. Nothing helped.
I've even talked to my counselor a multiple of times, nothing helped.
I'm still stuck in hell without any sort of sign of a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I mean hell, even my own brother has turned against me at this point. I don't have interest in art anymore, I have barely any escape.
I'm constantly pushed for perfect grades, to do what my parents never did. Go to art college and get a degree, but it isn't my fault they dropped out, and I shouldn't have to ""finish it"" for them.
It seems so hard to look for the good and light at the end.",5.124112843355609,6.029821207126954,5.516042316258353,82.1725638455828,68.55456570155903,8.302925018559762,30.11143281365998,8.447377352677275,2.2068921455085384,1818,68,344,26,30,581,229,449,0.203,0.695,0.101,-0.9962,7,0,0,0,6,1,62.0,0,0,2,4,17,24,4,0,29,0,39,6,0,2,5,48,63,25,1,1,10,9,3,2,1,1,6,0,1,2,19,14,0,2,9,3,0,3,10,10,0,4,20,7,42,14,57,37,8,53,2,1,2,0,30,15,2,11,36,234,61,12,0.0,0.39823914526809584,0.06559959387665598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075158323674567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142739266808474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666678974280023,0.09400725750010094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315787754822276,0.0,0.0,0.08195658758962647,0.0,0.0,0.07573688881595872,0.0,0.05945295705082977,0.07338970590143741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853795559421529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264378615791317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384090700079557,0.13005911336781711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056155884950516384,0.07561641541634181,0.17861790316942694,0.0,0.0,0.13319974744635935,0.06080672109019612,0.0,0.06423410762233744,0.060415368967063725,0.0,0.06337151674565206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908854125947428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051936040334183135,0.0,0.03512105179281958,0.0,0.03820417209161515,0.05638315610669819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594447533072705,0.07155974397372993,0.060218276261158436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517374388654446,0.0,0.06742978297681346,0.0,0.0662007535964232,0.0775658942401158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479541885741252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899253378294742,0.06568316692628431,0.0,0.05935881746487823,0.0,0.05645008217084432,0.0,0.0,0.11430055917458615,0.0,0.0,0.08974326047610985,0.0,0.0,0.0732251554992564,0.0,0.0,0.06774460421636029,0.0,0.0,0.07873033657439857,0.0,0.07144702154392561,0.0,0.0,0.10369247908673662,0.0,0.07149203396400876,0.0,0.0,0.12900386080082546,0.0,0.0,0.07158991138152641,0.04555179658535848,0.1022516847654442,0.0,0.0,0.3732138993951587,0.0,0.0,0.0466037103493291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354711747737825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612908144604696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615014013878983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721315781203544,0.0,0.24478784542897836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852500989458064,0.0,0.0,0.06648490397949118,0.0,0.0475805263920092,0.0,0.10736816481625976,0.056201132117856815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353065100416051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054305486513719,0.21612402768874772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931946214880841,0.043073549584919484,0.066045896671739,0.0,0.15679223407933324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311892240940585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480022040399687,0.0,0.04893887822505389,0.0,0.06850560711376627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315668945731172
suicidewatch,AgitBrecht,2018/03/17,"Only thing stopping me is a relatively painless way out. Within the next week I’ll be homeless. I was made redundant a couple of months ago, and it’s all fallen apart. I owe thousands in rent and council tax. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, from playing computer games to watching Liverpool. 

I just wish there was an easy way out. But then why should there be? We’re made to suffer. I’ve had severe anxiety and depression for as long as I remember. Albert Camus had it wrong when he claimed suicide is not the answer and that we should forge ahead. That’s the talk of a world famous writer, adored by millions. Of course suicide is the answer. 

No more endless pain. Just fade to black. 

I wish I had a gun. ",2.146521739130435,4.6730217681159445,3.303797101449277,87.76221739130436,81.31884057971016,5.7089855072463775,24.417391304347824,7.03164865440522,1.130413913043479,556,21,105,7,15,179,97,138,0.23,0.653,0.117,-0.9557,2,0,0,1,0,2,18.0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,9,0,13,1,0,2,1,22,18,9,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,3,2,3,1,3,4,0,2,7,2,9,3,16,7,2,19,0,2,2,0,4,6,0,0,10,69,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564561486561035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432213636249876,0.0,0.17413325811836816,0.0,0.0,0.14449159311042015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942815958292182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123120674886464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538730604371626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322857724252532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015036777129528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867367673123385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354039608770893,0.1868349475741304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890371292356784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836120751905625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679702267619954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841232457815153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411286685780848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665095182592013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278742591215042,0.14084379230071006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584382604704926,0.0,0.4038284457015349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919747651349096,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cortfitzer,2018/03/17,"Suicidal thoughts I have been struggling with major depression and substance abuse problems for the past four years. In the past year it has gotten far worse than ever before. In a bid to keep my substance abuse problems secret, I have slowly isolated myself from every member of my family and all my friends. I have been flooded with suicidal thoughts. I feel like everyone's lives would be better including mind, if I was dead. ",7.495584415584414,8.775454402597404,6.8134025974026,73.64296103896106,63.41558441558442,9.796363636363637,34.88051948051948,9.888512548439397,3.692347532467533,347,15,54,7,5,107,58,77,0.377,0.541,0.08199999999999999,-0.9855,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,2,16,14,3,3,4,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,1,9,3,9,6,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,37,10,0,0.0,0.4046525492869166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453067666039035,0.0,0.0,0.15102602870109647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707795294823758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446494270648484,0.14387522303659042,0.16317139907887995,0.0,0.0,0.16098019310760736,0.0,0.08634292201111611,0.12199314725658338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193109825345808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178203275573773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342619396464046,0.0,0.15078688958144473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242198759869204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260252807874642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32679432738477737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851860217649576,0.0,0.373574091511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711335528203325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402212268944334,0.12130516156043154,0.0,0.0,0.21993159338911156
suicidewatch,Lady_Near,2018/03/17,"the worst thing about depression is being conscious of how stupidly I act Not only could I receive help in an instant, there is already help offered to me by my friends and SO.

 I can't really explain why I dont ask for help, but the reasoning is probably really stupid. Maybe it's the shame of being admitted to a mental hospital; perhaps it's the shame of lying to my peers, of being weak. I have no idea what it is but I know the reasoning is really stupid.

Still, it's a fact that I am not happy at all and it's not going to change any time soon. It's particularly bad when I see other story of depressed people; they lost their jobs, their whole family, they feel unloved etc. and I am just here unhappy about my life choices even though I have all options to live a fulfilling life.

I know it's always ""depression doesn't need explaination"", but it disgusts me when I see how I act and how I treat others, especially my girlfriend. She knows I am depressed and how shitty I feel atm. and she tries everything to make feel better but I just cant feel happy, unless I am somehow distracted from my thoughts.

Nevertheless, I can't do anything about it and to be honest, I want to stop trying at all. The other day I was pretty close to killing myself by hanging. I already had my head in the noose and tied it well around my neck, I just needed to take a small step and that would've been it. But I couldn't. Neither was I afraid, nor did I have hope. I just thought about how awful my peers and family would feel.. I have no idea what to do anymore. 

Any tips?",2.8907205452775067,4.539918607594938,4.236075949367091,86.3393524829601,74.9493670886076,7.3931840311587145,24.812074001947426,8.139509932561175,1.4158572541382664,1224,40,252,20,26,404,159,316,0.28600000000000003,0.634,0.08,-0.9979,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,4,2,25,26,5,4,12,1,32,5,2,8,4,63,56,26,1,7,13,0,5,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,19,12,0,1,18,0,1,6,13,18,1,0,8,7,45,8,30,41,7,20,0,5,2,0,17,7,0,3,7,186,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22382201589145814,0.0,0.08438316746206764,0.0,0.0,0.13792769932092516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057376309218677,0.0,0.0,0.08345369179517552,0.090278458239352,0.09480682195983428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467504443171209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969094868117394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728077918523646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096947904796094,0.0,0.0,0.06540255153677597,0.0,0.3493851025142322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885447425371055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310153488954612,0.06698187555999233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114284682166997,0.0,0.19120500436750287,0.0,0.2563855599490247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835090060085725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763495389381928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159105835189464,0.0,0.0,0.10407828945018108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392360493700615,0.0,0.0,0.10072530801323397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289643123459384,0.0,0.0,0.10063607137280156,0.0,0.11219769762046783,0.0,0.16720066335835065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326103001028312,0.0,0.0,0.08954892935713547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107035181103279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769350566501094,0.0,0.10188229803305984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219975795318677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503918885490132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712863300491654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030652806252019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317277957473224,0.10933962452381447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949019714190877,0.20853749363592744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162496535753718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098800327369568,0.08478523368142912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624943762213605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737383381090398,0.0,0.09963708153191657,0.16102009554844535,0.05913433459833189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377046057864706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981560905417493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118184751671017,0.0,0.09150883780320568,0.11322322458094602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408079340828472,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,windexgirl,2018/03/17,"I can't stop thinking about it I tried to kill myself in 2015, when i was 15, and ended up in the hospital. I didn't get any help afterwords and my mom just tried to ignore it, so I never saw a therapist or took any medication for my depression. I feel like no one cares if I do it, because even my friends that know what happened don't seem concerned when I tell them how I feel. I'm 17 now and I really don't want to be that teenage girl that kills herself and gets a memorial page in the yearbook, but I'm just tired. I never considered getting this far because I really thought I was going to die before, and I guess I never got out of that thinking. It's like I'm not really committed to living, so all of the difficult decisions I have to make don't matter to me. The only real reason I'm hesitating right now is because I don't want to make my friends sad. I really don't know what to do, and I feel pathetic for posting this on the internet but I just need to get it out. ",4.563357256778311,4.078613976076556,6.390059808612442,80.27000199362044,69.52631578947367,10.22025518341308,30.81379585326954,9.928628108626363,2.7200810207336525,767,28,168,17,12,269,110,209,0.207,0.723,0.069,-0.9802,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,12,11,2,0,7,0,14,2,0,4,5,43,43,15,3,4,8,1,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,13,8,0,2,11,0,0,2,12,6,0,1,7,4,28,5,22,35,2,21,0,2,1,0,8,9,0,4,11,112,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975879935556365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282606695184267,0.0,0.10620952262189258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127258589711707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750414131380066,0.0,0.12953966769423225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055024065391496,0.0,0.0,0.08244002350239303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933269405638795,0.08916882700021415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286560828482935,0.0,0.2608455698216518,0.0,0.0709360093882439,0.0,0.09982703910001968,0.0,0.13749928394390512,0.0,0.11037468809883877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366176990989305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761816014083203,0.0,0.1371916059544841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219579300019721,0.0,0.1102151257948028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663176870837434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573934356442065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618340324162832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254974366495138,0.2887981966608846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457879056982749,0.09492846034055567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195395630468492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420683346588071,0.319842205474649,0.12833199826629313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659248285246982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362811933103653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104352059402884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909499338622636,0.0,0.0,0.14492140520342006,0.0,0.15995455734068556,0.0,0.099090241579471,0.0,0.14345803570565754,0.0,0.0,0.13867555995967434,0.16948422005974811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723983689646025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,passauhallo,2018/03/17,"i fucked up my thesis i'm a uni student, 24yo. I took several semesters longer than I should have for no rason. Now I am all done except my bachelors thesis, which I have to hand in in 1 week, or my uni-career is over. There is no more chances, if I dont hand it in in 1 week, i will be kicked out of uni without a degree.


i am not even remotely done with writing it down (5 pages out of 40), but i just discovered a major thinking mistake that basically invalidates all my research. the mistake is very obvious and entirely my fault. i have swept this area of the thesis under the rug a bit becaus i knew it was an ugly hack, so that my supervisor wouldnt notice it. 100% my fault.


now it looks like i'm done with everything. imagine all the money my family flushed down the toilet for my education ... or the years wasted on my part.


i think i'll get as drunk as possible and then end it, long overdue anyways.",3.0055233002291857,4.151458219251339,4.889873949579833,83.79514705882355,73.75935828877004,8.123605805958746,26.72612681436211,8.634040054169528,1.8319506493506497,705,25,149,13,14,242,116,187,0.16699999999999998,0.7859999999999999,0.047,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,11,0,17,4,2,0,4,27,26,10,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,6,1,0,4,1,1,1,6,5,0,0,6,3,22,1,25,16,8,22,0,0,1,1,1,13,1,3,9,107,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015363957261216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727866788905155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547595185702182,0.2117802015589985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004743247290573,0.0,0.0,0.11935129237637487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240238822941566,0.0,0.1703488009950739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670551432784783,0.09440880335254387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882813707644098,0.0,0.0,0.15991468005786075,0.15174331162803514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057292622322859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568155103972545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037132029646185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414067174429645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315717818730077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007654364839448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909723218546825,0.0,0.0,0.2898948512250709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741892953949971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163655059406212
suicidewatch,BPD_Skyrim_Lover,2018/03/17,"I'm British. Hoping somebody could chat or call me I'm 21, having a really rough time atm and I just wanna hear someones voice. I don't mind what we talk about. I'm very respectful and I'm not too miserable to talk to.",-0.8362613981762905,1.310332425531918,1.5902735562310042,95.62000000000002,97.08510638297872,5.238905775075988,17.352583586626142,6.868970318607317,0.14911793313069888,172,5,39,3,7,58,36,47,0.0,0.805,0.195,0.8281,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,9,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,4,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280331829534177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564927783285649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620732181208696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190747230201607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243719256401822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580161289904084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219492477129315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164187605140501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732403807060305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650657142283536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neotopianum,2018/03/17,"Treasure Hunting I've just finished watching this film called ""Kumiko The Treasure Hunter"" and I hate spoiling films, but that's what I just did.

I haven't had any suicidal thoughts in almost 4 months, but this film broke the chain. Now I will have to lie to the doctors again when they ask.",5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,69.0,6.314285714285715,30.07142857142857,5.985473137389443,1.2097285714285722,232,9,46,1,4,67,43,56,0.106,0.753,0.142,0.2582,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,5,2,3,4,0,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,5,28,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35698926455282665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424363069709513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332849877835625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640324885521959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36489900025117616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519758700342324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845596901167169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38995970372545424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830259440639597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Every_Atom,2018/03/17,"My boyfriend broke up with me and I'm thinking about ending it all I can't imagine life without him, he helped me through my depression and everything else and now he's gone. I can't cope I just want this pain to stop and I only see one way out",0.2270440251572339,2.3721660754717,1.6587735849056635,98.90312893081764,86.35849056603773,5.0427672955974865,22.040880503144656,6.42735559955562,0.20702767295597505,194,7,46,2,6,62,41,53,0.256,0.7440000000000001,0.0,-0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,1,9,0,7,6,1,7,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510903758704325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266827691477714,0.0,0.2829041741056193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870668576492213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409509179331196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561010075266186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644179833055688,0.24292717512788056,0.3398768264813213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545299633532028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26704268581389073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466627513078173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883974390568821,0.25353433214029586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30790171382539233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arianaaobrien,2018/03/17,"Take enough pills to be admitted to hospital Hello. This is going to sound bad and probably selfish, but if anyone could help it would be nice. 

I’m wondering if there’s any pills I could take, and how many I would need, that would cause me to end up in the hospital but not have long term damage. 

(The rest of this post is the reasoning so you don’t need to read it if you already have an answer and don’t care about the “why”) 

I want to do this because as much as I want to end my life, if I fail, I’d like to at least not have long term damage. 

Also, maybe if I actually pass out/go into coma/get hurt by swallowing pills and end up in a hospital, my family and friends would start to care. They already know that I’m suicidal and I’ve tried taking pills before (which didn’t do anything whatsoever) yet they still don’t care. 

I know people won’t want to help or they’d tell me I can just go to the hospital and admit myself but it would mean a great deal if I got a good answer for my question. Thank you :)",2.9806697819314643,3.6939335467289744,4.475869158878506,88.38330529595017,73.34579439252337,8.136573208722742,23.145171339563866,8.447377352677275,1.0869287227414328,785,19,180,13,15,263,116,214,0.114,0.664,0.222,0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,3,3,1,8,15,0,0,9,0,23,6,0,3,0,45,47,22,1,18,13,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,0,9,8,1,0,10,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,2,1,21,9,23,34,6,20,0,4,0,0,15,6,0,9,11,114,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.10501553336706362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375089815337252,0.0860587071827146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318106590302811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524606253897165,0.0,0.08855697802808493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898530177391114,0.06560036617644249,0.0,0.09157140724401737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291582860778625,0.11054900359987277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718417058072027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094508986317883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859416234422592,0.11119380972297514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144870170747622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831421454669774,0.0,0.056223762503317926,0.0,0.1834781866146168,0.09026133946189542,0.08606857676910493,0.11864458090280675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426250705310967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520278550610702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828344680582616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601080080458994,0.052574660911553515,0.0,0.0,0.1904696314980878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910349012514037,0.10811251406958207,0.11722296292107134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910851619629163,0.15958852009237404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460585058531193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306426146461724,0.0,0.1160258643838002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055207085067142,0.0,0.10764290956782477,0.0,0.0,0.11064489685653628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616959285354047,0.0,0.08594050990637847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771201737236975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427365270573097,0.0,0.09405919376191904,0.09907631739049244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306269792670544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042020057355846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710470518911846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670256231644292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822287361307644,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DuelCooper,2018/03/17,"I really don't think I'll do it, I've been always a coward, but I meed someond to talk with A year ago or so I created a post here because I was really convinced im doing it, but thanks to muy girlfriend and some anonymous friends from here I decided to face my feelings and I told my family and friends my suicide desires and my self hatredge.
I went to a psychologist and I decided to focus on this, so I began to re-read Albert Campus with a more optimistic glasses, so finally I overcomed depression.
The problem is that, nos, after the happiest days of my life, days of joy with my girl and with myself, I have realized I am a really boring person, somebody who burdens the people who cares him. I don't like doing anything, I don't like to dance, nor sing, norte party, or anything bit staying home and reading a book. I don't want my girlfriend to be with a person like that, who wastes her time, because she keeps doing the sale with me all the time. 
But I coudn't resist without her. I wouldn't be able to wake up every morning and keep a smile in my face. She is the reason for me to stay alive, she is what gives a reason to my absurdity, and she has fight really hard to make me happy. She doesn't deserve to waste her time with me, but I am not capable of living without her support",7.660681818181818,5.438292795454551,8.455151515151517,73.62772727272727,64.22727272727273,11.224242424242425,36.77272727272727,9.725611199111238,3.4148772727272725,1014,39,200,16,12,346,141,264,0.158,0.665,0.177,0.8872,0,0,0,0,1,1,28.0,0,0,0,0,5,16,1,0,16,0,21,4,3,3,1,41,34,19,1,4,9,0,2,3,4,1,1,0,1,4,9,16,0,2,7,4,1,2,10,5,0,0,5,2,42,11,31,26,4,18,0,1,0,0,25,3,0,3,13,144,51,3,0.1209952322368958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725497294344503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067772594706166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991375333380821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751514106893707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320954561122874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336270317502725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606383021395925,0.0,0.10421301622958777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019437016411604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406353665303913,0.0,0.06117882491892744,0.0,0.0,0.1325443627152913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696123256914995,0.0,0.0,0.11606965196665345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880167461337685,0.1083879621986284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213680832818308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069561370194335,0.0,0.0,0.2150922436145188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546251078304598,0.17733647629708854,0.0,0.10684100680059444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076525706150403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388285931254813,0.21129673957117676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587998631155902,0.0,0.0,0.11577609648766572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420559505302082,0.0,0.31005057612378545,0.24880650093400244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622441530271564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579296372732346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323491457463078,0.13730395568405673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725138445407848,0.0,0.1113961536216067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752885924405545,0.0,0.0,0.2116598788056501,0.0,0.0,0.11561612953911884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136612285169182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216379248296214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332701723028725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791696257604605
suicidewatch,LastChance997,2018/03/17,"This is my last attempt on trying to change my mind. this might be a long story but here i go: I'm 17 on third year of highschool and i had depression so long that i cant remenber ( at least i think its depression ) i always felt that i was a failure and not worth it to people worry about me i always tried to hide that fact on i had always this mind set that i was this or that and i always tried to deny that and because of that i cried alot in elementary school when something happened that might link to that but always hid the fact that i had depression and my suicidal thoughts until first year of highschool where i told my dad he took me to a therapist it didnt felt like it helped at all and my dad wasnt helping either he kept telling me ""cheer up"" wich it just made it didnt helped at all, i complained about that to him and my therapist and he made a speech trying to justify why he says it and why he will keep saying ""cheer up"" after that it was just me and the therapist so i talked about how i cant talk to him (even thought he admits that i can talk to him about anything) and everything that he will do if i try to talk to him so my therapist called to see if it was true he got out of the room mad and my therapist noticed that i cant talk to him. And because of him getting mad my dad wanted to change therapists, i said to forget i will just try to pass throught this deppression, and i tried but its hard to do that when you have no reason to do that. i am socially awkward, have to no one to talk to in case i need, i know no one ouside my family( who no one i can talk about this kind of stuff) besides my classmates, and just friday i had diarrhea and i shat my pants ( luckly no one saw me shitting my pants) manage to cover my legs, pants and socks, my phone fell on the toilet, when i tried to call my house my phone didnt work wich it didnt because when i called a teacher from the window of the bathroom he gave to school and no in my house answered, i had clean myself in the sink, the stall, i the shit the was in my underwear fell on my pants and then on the ground i couldnt put it in the toilet, and when i got out with the shorts that the teacher gave some of my classmates saw. i dont mind if they just saw me, what i am worried if they know what happened in the bathroom, i locked it but they saw me coming out of that bathroom and if they know that there was a huge mess in there it wont be hard to link the dots ( also i dont know how to give the shorts back ) so yeah that was just a problem that happened friday, the rest of the days is either me being sad or some other stuff that just helped me coming to my depression. i tried to ignore it but every day reminded of it, so i want to ask ( you dont need to respond if you want do whatever ) why shouldnt i kill myself? ( sorry for it being so long and dont think i am killing myself for just what happend friday that is just the recent one).",5.179385226062539,4.01734398083067,5.851312808597154,86.89864894955952,68.45686900958465,8.993629586600832,28.07512827960113,7.793537801064563,1.3892093716719909,2276,57,530,22,33,745,217,626,0.166,0.765,0.069,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,2,43.0,0,3,4,3,34,22,6,1,28,1,50,3,3,5,5,98,92,51,3,14,25,3,4,1,0,7,0,4,3,0,54,28,0,3,15,0,1,8,22,16,0,7,35,13,89,6,75,45,9,56,0,5,5,0,55,28,2,14,20,383,143,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399706581462808,0.2288927086942556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045274293772203086,0.0,0.05143345748625864,0.0,0.0,0.04230466814919053,0.0,0.10061353659429677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685354895347891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640135765028033,0.0947845280860542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060433578452380336,0.07096281226228092,0.0,0.18954420626092766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25791800303862983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633820201698442,0.0,0.04635418566214696,0.0,0.049445721734718284,0.0,0.0518651203573845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564987352367873,0.0,0.0,0.04679742230018025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028744105741125407,0.052777308557439104,0.03126742242321032,0.0,0.08800422317852974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595402366354826,0.0,0.09856883049003236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750691069348926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696443597960055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890162724368605,0.12173629262803992,0.0572917272651837,0.1209435922119516,0.04484618863518025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02687852155850164,0.0,0.0,0.14606491057756418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411680951989877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672866104067688,0.16665442436923664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081588799688285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263720604069284,0.0,0.0,0.1864046762425652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814185253084506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264382777386863,0.0,0.05530726922194101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056566627229412275,0.054322638830317835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233375481314217,0.08750343492751919,0.0,0.11136025912797436,0.04384141674929657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294829612964552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608289130806126,0.0,0.04235476562287273,0.0,0.061587014302137436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259625782330631,0.06017965578438325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095439993661692,0.04808727290810631,0.0,0.0,0.3832737843929122,0.0,0.07050532946554082,0.0,0.08735468680020657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052571090198978015,0.06112589854473788,0.33617631394410363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973513357490024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893282428859758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005302286649075,0.11174484479005233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085827356346097
suicidewatch,Bigpapa2976,2018/03/17,"Advice Hey, I'm a 15 year-old male that is honestly I don't know what I'm facing. I use to be happy I use to look at my life goals and think wow I'm gonna do it. But just recently as I became a sophomore and I start to realize the pieces aren't falling together. My life goal, or now dream, is to be an electrical engineer. But now I look and I'm still in geometry, I have no experience in work or math. No colleges will notice me or anything. I hate how I evaluate myself because of this system of school as if I'm suppose to go. Now I feel as if I'm going to be another pawn in this world that means nothing. A pawn that sits next to a desk all day answering phones. There's honestly no point in this world where your life is determined by other people's standards and ideologies. What's the whole point for me to continue on this life. My parents don't really care, my dad sees past me as I'm a mark of his mistake for leaving my mom. As for my mom, she only sees me as an atm machine from my dad. I'm the obscured child and no one notices me at all. I'm just a presence with no meaning or acknowledgement. The only thing that's keeping me going now is my girlfriend, which is honestly fucking sad, as now I realize nothing lasts forever. She just makes me happy and I don't want to hurt her by leaving this meaningless place because right now everything is going great for her. I don't know what to do. I mean I'm doing well in school but that doesn't even fucking matter am I right. It's honestly meaningless we'll all die soon for other people's benefit or loss but in the end we're just small insignificant beings on the pursuit of happiness which is a void that'll never be filled. I just really need to talk to someone or just some advice. I know this bullshit isn't as worse as other people but it'll help someone worthless as me. ",2.732944732297064,4.032887976683938,4.651834196891193,84.628183074266,74.67357512953367,8.048221070811746,26.856303972366142,8.648137234880735,1.902109775474957,1453,54,306,28,30,498,178,386,0.121,0.768,0.112,-0.5683,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,1,1,0,4,19,20,3,0,15,0,28,7,1,4,4,54,66,30,1,5,19,5,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,24,7,0,1,12,1,1,6,13,8,1,1,0,5,41,12,45,56,6,44,0,4,4,2,19,19,2,10,17,201,65,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764346155911196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466294987742277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742899995027912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006362861852104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204307198057632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822097760604101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369292072881814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995832565039228,0.0,0.0,0.059626882825758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113484136427705,0.08830789667973925,0.0,0.0,0.04564659204744012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691863582497368,0.0,0.0,0.20522522630270285,0.0,0.0,0.09953033688077163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883035512971248,0.0,0.08912951218653314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060510542567566286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966430321871941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024204379416734,0.0,0.0,0.1488410749789779,0.07358752735432238,0.0,0.1911798970493117,0.0,0.0,0.2550603003724409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161931608590345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026037187831852,0.0,0.0,0.2950132463088441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114618673272476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693899985246615,0.06962692593963546,0.0,0.09601025258393404,0.0,0.0,0.17324578100582858,0.2055611526060417,0.0947301690020075,0.0,0.061173801517718375,0.13731893663013384,0.0,0.0,0.1002415479375037,0.0,0.08617928744258584,0.18775940844990446,0.0,0.0943198957909992,0.0,0.17068124829279666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566708073545925,0.0,0.08913731116381016,0.0,0.0,0.15419154956855013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827296000877044,0.14387762048346214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298224292706772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389828493721582,0.0,0.07209505767224457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256096007248886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997580182069962,0.05784563882203522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559400985119022,0.0,0.0,0.0532475133370996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116955956011504,0.0,0.0,0.10079066745743608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572248401727174,0.0,0.0919996295771866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813520951076787
suicidewatch,Collin77,2018/03/17,"No point I have no point in living anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way but there’s nothing to live for and no point to life. I have no friends, no future and no happiness. I should just kill myself ",0.26934782608695684,2.3296028913043507,1.5936521739130465,100.02308695652177,85.30434782608697,4.549565217391304,17.895652173913042,5.6839178017228535,-0.6317599999999999,167,4,40,1,5,53,32,46,0.343,0.508,0.14800000000000002,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,5,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,5,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,4,2,4,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224362990114917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172197822805496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478755687894348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082992734081485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502940145439688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979551759730773,0.0,0.0,0.3995369156812871,0.20020966119046274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707728883681207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6415917735988595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871428132058723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957374114850358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Patapatamon,2018/03/17,Every time I go to sleep I hope I die in the middle of it without even knowing. Making plans to kill myself this month. I don't have anything in my pathetic life and I never had.,-0.40131578947368496,1.814008868421056,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,91.89473684210527,4.092631578947368,18.12631578947369,5.6839178017228535,-0.2253326315789473,139,4,29,1,5,48,32,38,0.285,0.648,0.067,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,6,7,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,6,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578786754852447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252309390442769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697942750481016,0.0,0.2640296513932766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780966815496889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112493702740864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466999845360092,0.0,0.17222120307923228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213441003807062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917842224033406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501307545416297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416920118400029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31359858166640914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182729889521804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302079683600137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hurting21,2018/03/17,"Don't know how much longer I can go on. What is the meaning of life? Were we put here by chance? Or purpose? Do you really know how insignificant you actually are? If I were to end my life right now. Nothing would happen, the sun would still rise, the sun will still set. The earth will keep turning. And you will be just a memory. In the past just waiting to be forgotten. So really, what is the point? To be happy? Happiness is a mixture of chemicals in the brain. So is happiness it self simply an illusion? What is the point? Some one tell me. Because I have been wondering this for quite sometime. And I'm getting closer and closer to the edge. So much hatred in this shitty world. So much judgement. People sicken me. To the point where a peice of paper with a face on it can control lives. Destroy lives. Let's face it. Our world is a fucking shit hole. Technology is diluting the expectations of happiness. Social media contorting what it means to be successful. So people become fake. Unthoughtful, and selfish. Our world is supposed to becoming closer together. But it's merely becoming distant. I don't believe in God. So don't bring religion into this. Just looking for some insight that's all. Maybe some other people who think the same I do. 

Thank you.",1.4105833333333315,4.1134868916666685,3.0875000000000017,84.80083333333334,92.58333333333334,6.333333333333332,22.5,7.594959193182576,1.6281250000000005,994,38,179,22,36,327,136,240,0.123,0.7879999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8323,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,3,4,0,3,16,12,3,1,18,0,30,7,4,3,1,33,47,15,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,15,7,0,3,7,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,3,1,15,6,22,34,8,28,0,0,1,1,11,18,2,6,5,132,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.10344722327392378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462068523697062,0.3512281324576552,0.0,0.11943322182982108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833850795031035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889550008167996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389044971137213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800146298297732,0.05538411248792405,0.0,0.06024603639753789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374135271939284,0.4513843074208143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422360356237684,0.0,0.0,0.11651699266776505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839900748587487,0.1497512992592826,0.0,0.0,0.1872116725329448,0.0,0.08901890864048073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649795342723023,0.23094469226264386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337813105006777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171626379694793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183286653807787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119536631080382,0.22047504313662733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006317171318311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656598773936847,0.0,0.11275114761352707,0.0,0.0,0.13582118108047922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052912134493572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058808135072228,0.0,0.10881432865753722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806045555314156,0.0,0.0,0.10484331228092056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693141353762488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926545064913816,0.09759670400785578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792479705727615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530482195143885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495971722955065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506082010554454,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atomicspliff,2018/03/17,"Baker Act or Suicid Probably going to get Baker Acted for the 3rd time this upcoming monday. I don't know what else to try. I got into certain hobbies, got a job, and have been having fun with friends but I still feel like killing myself every living second. I don't know what else to try. At this point spending my last bit of money on some drugs besides weed and psychadelics and trying them out before ctb.",3.418660714285714,5.497203687500001,4.207142857142859,85.25500000000002,74.625,5.571428571428572,22.67857142857143,6.18269132825596,0.6079821428571428,325,9,58,2,7,104,64,80,0.073,0.818,0.108,-0.0258,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,13,12,5,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,3,1,7,4,10,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,5,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710139544409328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194114059192368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330658753550387,0.0,0.3357757471920973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932914696690762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161842339632213,0.14357576742391642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527190751936396,0.0,0.10500054819096838,0.0,0.11421807742163972,0.0,0.32147431407633553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943554761307733,0.0,0.22234780194243525,0.0,0.2208999576610702,0.16382052144458673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981856775654533,0.0,0.17746360247258042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998526041992733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668381520911256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049798608637347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983278604014145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718947532902832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093441808076688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BreakneckSpeed14,2018/03/17,"I think I might be in trouble I don't know if I'm genuinely suicidal or just stressed...I have found myself browsing online to find a reliable site to order a killing drug from, so maybe it's a little more serious now.

I got married last year.  It was amazing.  We met when we were students doing our master's, similar backgrounds and being international students in an unwelcome country like Britain gave us a lot of stuff to bond on.  She eventually had to go back to her own country while I started my corporate gig in London.  It took 18 months of long distance until I finally was able to get myself transferred to my company's office in her country.  I left my friends and close social circle that I had built up over years in London and set my career back by agreeing to work out of a satellite office instead of HQ, but it was all worth it and I had, I still have, no regrets about it.

We got married 5 months after I moved to be with her last June.  In September, she started having an affair which lasted 6 months until I finally confronted her about it and she confessed.  Now I've kicked her out, I live alone in a flat in an alien country where suddenly I am all alone.

The woman I loved, truly and completely, betrayed my trust so absolutely.  She claims she still loves me, but she wasn't ready for marriage, even though she said she was at the time, even though I asked her, repeatedly, if she was and even though I assured her that if she wasn't, I wasn't going to run away, we could always wait.  She said she was ready and now she says she wasn't.

Instead of talking to me about it, instead of communicating with me when I begged her to tell me what was wrong, she decided to have an affair.

We work very different hours.  Hers is a non-traditional career that requires her to work later hours, while I have a 9-5 (theoretically anyway, it is a corporate job).  We struggled to find pockets of time to spend with each other.  Somehow, despite not seeing me much, despite not wanting to spend any time with me, despite not allowing me to touch her for months, somehow I had pushed her so far away that she had no choice but to have an affair with someone at work.

Her work doesn't actually make much money, I do what I do and work as I work so we can have a good life.  She knows that.  But somewhere along the way, she says that the day-to-day became unbearable to her.

I know I am no saint, I'm certain that I too have made mistakes.  But I never knowingly wanted to hurt her.  If I didn't give her the attention she needed on occasion, it was because I didn't realise she needed it.  I am an oblivious person about these sorts of things and I have always told her to just TELL me what she needs and I will do everything I can to help.  But she was upset because I couldn't read her body language and her tone, I ""should have known"".

Yet, I cannot move past her adultery.  I come from a home where my mother stuck with my father for years despite his numerous affairs and constant cheating.  I never wanted to be like my dad, ever.  I guess the joke's on me because I ended up becoming my mother!

So, here I am, in an alien country with a broken marriage and a dead-end job that I hate with a very tenuous social circle and nobody nearby to rely on.  I guess it's not surprising that suicidal thoughts and feelings have been becoming more frequent.

I've always had suicidal thoughts, but never, ever acted on them in the past.  They were fleeting, ephemeral almost.  Even when my father beat the living shit out of me or my best friend died when I was 15, I was miserable, but not suicidal.

I think it's because none of those terrible situations were of my own making.  They were not consequences of my choices, but rather the active choices of others that plunged me into difficult circumstances against my will.  So I didn't blame myself.

But marrying my wife is an active and willing choice that I made.  Perhaps the first, and definitely the most significant, choice I have made for myself.  I thought she was 'it'.  Now this.

I have been flirting with the idea of suicide for weeks now, first when my months of denial of her affair finally started to crumble, then when I confronted her, then when I asked her to leave.  Now I have been alone for 2 weeks now.  When I come home from work, I do not utter a single word.  Between Friday evening and Monday morning, I exist in total silence.

I have not reached out to anybody, not even my mother, about this whole thing.  I am too ashamed of the mess I have made of my life.  I am ashamed of the terrible choices I have made.

As all of this dawns on me, as I pause for a second in my continued attempts to distract myself from my own loneliness, as I meditate on my inner emptiness, in those moments, purchasing that killing drug just feels so tempting.  Today I felt like I had to to say something, even if it is on reddit, because today I nearly bought the drug.  I was one click away, it was almost done.  But I hesitated, because truthfully, I don't want to die, there is a part of me that has faith that this sick inner feeling will go away, that I will be able to forgive myself for my poor choice in spouse, that maybe I may one day even forgive my wife.  Truly forgive her.  That day seems like it would be a beautiful day, even if it feels like a fantasy or daydream right now.

Thank you for reading...I wonder if I wrote out all of this as a form of catharsis or confession.  I wonder if I need someone to talk to or I just need to feel like someone, anyone, is listening.  Or maybe, this is another attempt to distract myself from recollecting my nerve to buy the drugs.

Like the post topic says, I think I might be in trouble.",5.1484272720401165,5.671326196779965,5.813023003854972,81.43228816548668,68.3381037567084,8.588394769331552,30.77331250472423,8.552925997458273,2.266925757766636,4440,168,871,64,71,1446,422,1118,0.145,0.746,0.109,-0.9929,3,3,5,0,0,2,139.0,9,1,3,16,65,52,7,7,45,0,97,11,2,8,13,169,167,73,9,24,39,9,7,7,2,10,7,7,2,2,53,46,0,2,32,3,8,11,28,26,0,5,57,16,184,26,140,91,21,141,4,3,2,2,109,49,1,29,84,667,237,17,0.08911202540353179,0.0,0.043480241114821336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892328212362369,0.13843977530600882,0.0,0.0,0.11122251562688362,0.0,0.0,0.030299616527979783,0.04672086422811562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031154600059971057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330771451311011,0.0,0.1674473625102311,0.06852164697825745,0.0,0.16296559073422978,0.09841723088193502,0.0,0.0,0.046758786442968894,0.0,0.0,0.049491685677608574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676211936716973,0.04671613160418542,0.04814922091710667,0.0,0.035574350586609266,0.0,0.0,0.14367471082837854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248421339446827,0.04655155000945404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559627051110096,0.0,0.0,0.20668331654491065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892680465708593,0.0,0.0,0.26485943554577285,0.08060692873723002,0.0,0.0,0.04004407122806312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264429390200477,0.06366164875370771,0.04278075950954825,0.14642680210226847,0.08144677681836941,0.07579864328534487,0.0,0.04885336815582498,0.06884772977483207,0.0,0.023278677655066117,0.04274218737140248,0.07596662643638763,0.037371469508536835,0.07127102725364813,0.0,0.09816694256056756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398983808319246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02986495611355486,0.0,0.08938662723018005,0.0,0.0877573947719107,0.0,0.047698133126614035,0.05029831496378784,0.0,0.0,0.08842993500191558,0.0,0.0985892530640263,0.0,0.0979472773619694,0.10895729149120964,0.0,0.047178384070811256,0.048410238169602327,0.0,0.06294245889819525,0.1523747203646438,0.04465683001169971,0.07868755103930654,0.039430669145110654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03787992866094901,0.08042708209244644,0.2107998826886403,0.059482968923075065,0.0,0.1342875104822138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453377669654382,0.0,0.0,0.17782092124696436,0.094711980367037,0.06550759203265258,0.1651885942558622,0.10309303135996888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060384614650777366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824981980427142,0.08506751148352068,0.0,0.038904591685655854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042672343748796505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456807019158406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805059139739075,0.08476594260724453,0.14173091859138293,0.0,0.0,0.03550537343689628,0.040562120556881714,0.0,0.0,0.04573610675125543,0.0,0.05008282510053645,0.0,0.09083848775692352,0.11325649491743987,0.03430139538764886,0.0,0.0,0.09461092535654617,0.0,0.07116497859795637,0.0,0.0,0.04657961862341268,0.05100597461087895,0.2436852308111924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716248705158303,0.07788783797419843,0.041021190206688686,0.0,0.0,0.059202070027728676,0.08564908153905401,0.13132816876875658,0.106117491390862,0.07794290794908702,0.0,0.08446778048690935,0.04257517954251378,0.049503369539981266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053595397243077686,0.0,0.0,0.0735267535241891,0.10512116279193796,0.03536648897098122,0.071480291624202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974519699457549,0.0,0.0,0.09663819028562602,0.2594984632514856,0.0,0.0,0.03165131304887789,0.04871500536932732,0.0,0.08607783406103557
suicidewatch,Throwaway53585359,2018/03/17,"Guilt over sexual actions when I was a kid. I'm really going to kill myself If you're curious, I have posted my whole story in other subreddits.  But I've finally given up finding a reason to live through all of this.  I am in a different situation than almost everyone else in the world, and almost everyone else who is suicidal.  I'm tainted with something that makes me a bad person no matter what I do in life.  What an embarrassment.   Anyways, I will not kill myself now, but I will be waiting for just a couple more years because I have to take care of some family stuff for awhile.  I already have chosen the date.  Once that date comes, goodbye!  

Thanks for reading.  Please note: I will not see a therapist, the idea is too embarrassing for me, and would probably just make life worse.  Also I hold myself to high standards in life, so there is no point in continuing as a tainted individual who has to have so much guilt and worry, that kind of life just isn't for me.  I'd rather be tortured in a concentration camp. Lol. 

Once again, thanks for reading my attention seeking bullshit lame-ass weak minded post.",3.87948356807512,5.908389835680751,5.201525821596245,78.84670187793431,73.17840375586854,8.301408450704226,27.32629107981221,8.998388855275968,2.3826882629107984,877,33,160,19,18,292,134,213,0.203,0.7070000000000001,0.091,-0.9782,1,0,1,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,0,13,13,3,4,12,1,18,5,0,3,1,30,31,11,3,3,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,10,5,0,2,4,2,0,3,5,9,0,0,2,1,18,4,27,23,5,25,0,0,1,0,4,12,0,4,8,113,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337013310186785,0.0,0.12877305670986147,0.09331893647856404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974333490392893,0.07113465452359907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897576354351233,0.0,0.0,0.10052024142792182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911801288989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219188079842311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949631917533654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300933646607826,0.0,0.0,0.11000728758767926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783091122011275,0.10665481538033283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631902725635565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329201512932733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173160942557294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258205885973307,0.12151726389966055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296934069394448,0.0,0.0,0.1030416003759518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578627704107734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782614252133256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578240179882664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24854737188421114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189137509846836,0.0,0.1280933042161034,0.11031211475905882,0.0,0.22351828382470829,0.0,0.12581423336181702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334481232445303,0.0,0.07475619267821934,0.1199793076081239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298880070765113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116724009189967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983557447622352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358497457913646,0.1276426364227576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773822464160097,0.0,0.0,0.2148695203952696,0.0,0.13548896681109046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302829899173647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850688085320947,0.11891960947344232,0.08289499183746274,0.0,0.0,0.07514613312520993
suicidewatch,tireld17,2018/03/17,"Amaranthine. A night to remember. Grad ball. Didn't think i'd make it to this but it was worth it. I had the best date i could ask for, who isin't only gorgeous but amazing in everything else that she does. Her art, poetry, and her voice. Oh mah lord her v o i c e . ""Nagsiawit ang mga anghel"". She is the embodiment of that. She makes life worth living. 

I don't think i even wanna die anymore. 

I know i dont. She's just too great. She keeps me here.

Thanks everyone. Cheers, to finding somethinng worth fighting or living for. :)",-0.9548697214734928,0.7475632075471736,1.072911051212941,96.36072327044027,110.32075471698113,5.037915543575921,16.36837376460018,6.655083550727371,0.1520751123090749,404,12,89,8,21,132,79,106,0.102,0.616,0.282,0.9744,0,0,1,0,2,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,15,15,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,16,6,8,11,1,3,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,2,50,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048274118371551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308252340860668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674594077387155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649015441133972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143509205843576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074033748358595,0.0,0.2420577056894928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253365008597135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641454579337958,0.0,0.0,0.19735322589720997,0.18562051222883227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887694228979669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277057772402497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835779675033626,0.0,0.0,0.11350633962641953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588191339342912,0.0,0.0,0.3647487151534301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275727687564773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381928570104795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707931960797966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396410980400426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901498550193796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646788217688624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeNowDealWithIt,2018/03/17,"I feel like in 5 years, I'm gonna have to choose one of three options: An awful life for myself, an awful life for some other people, or death for myself. I hate doing things. I hate putting effort into anything, which is problematic for someone who's trying to be employed. Even playing video games, I am prone to rage if I'm unsuccessful. I find it difficult to enjoy anything where I'm not always succeeding because I feel like I'm not good enough to be doing the thing. I can barely enjoy things even where there is no threat of losing because then it's frequently boring. Spending an evening playing Kirby or Pokemon might be the most consistent fun I could possibly have, and even then, it just feels like I'm just passing the time until I die.

As such, I'm gonna have to choose, once I'm out of college:

1. Get a job. Every weekday, go into work hating most of it. Come home and do barely anything.
2. Kill myself. Write a note saying who gets which parts of my video game collection, then get myself out of this plane of existence.
3. Don't get a job. Spend every day doing the aforementioned non-challenging time-passing. Mooch off of my parents and friends for as long as they'll let me. Perhaps they'll get sick enough of me that I'll end up with one of the previous two options. ",3.6996093750000014,5.2692847421875015,4.56684375,85.11878125000003,72.671875,6.995000000000001,26.08125,7.554174236665415,1.3784021875,1018,34,197,12,20,329,144,256,0.219,0.696,0.085,-0.9897,4,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,2,4,10,21,6,0,11,2,20,3,0,0,0,30,42,13,3,2,7,1,3,3,1,5,3,1,1,0,14,9,0,0,6,6,2,4,4,10,0,4,0,4,19,11,33,32,6,23,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,9,13,127,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151462441726346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715197885041236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340891702091272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474057231710874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781243566931236,0.0,0.0,0.07092990367432353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414493736655412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741224846341376,0.22728357396729826,0.0,0.2905708031115132,0.0,0.1853307567217382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668320514417191,0.2357155229936195,0.0,0.0,0.1005224232052186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497255385044658,0.0,0.28730775830685235,0.0,0.06250584467891848,0.09224847981684127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32575617795574124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032186566887847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828221318311694,0.0,0.1216798381363725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246501729262172,0.15536841942932347,0.16119634081070194,0.0,0.0,0.0973314492213474,0.0,0.1230427877840738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667452880878605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712825161242875,0.14905458573384486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212304965889947,0.11910081639588233,0.0,0.07624832894090645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398925016074006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056324160048336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746285572281907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318819608392297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192033535430263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282638844616447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467120314451985,0.0,0.10743736037639272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800688970241313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082541345471198
suicidewatch,Princess_Siren,2018/03/17,"I just want to kill myself. I feel like a complete failure. 

I've stopped writing for weeks and I can't get back to it and I want to but I just can't and I feel miserable. 

I can't sleep because all I have are nightmares. 

I feel like no one at my job really genuinely likes me being there. 

I'm a burden on my family I know I am and I'm a burden on my boyfriend too and he tries so hard to help me but I just hurt him so much and he doesn't deserve it. 

I can't even clean my room or try and cook for my family. I can't even shower or get out of bed. 

I'm so incredibly stressed out about needing to pay extra rent for my mom and pay my school bills and psychiatrist bills and I don't have enough for it and I'm so fucking stressed out. 

I just want to cut to make it all better but then I'd be taken to a hospital but I can't afford to miss classes and work and I definitely can't afford that bill along with my other bills. 

I'm just so tired of trying and I just feel like I should die and I want to I want to so badly sometimes. ",-1.1380410790925808,0.7815018283261851,1.6836833231146535,97.812784334764,90.80257510729614,4.873635806253832,16.905119558553032,6.367922702773337,-0.4438288166768856,798,20,201,9,28,277,107,233,0.221,0.637,0.141,-0.9752,5,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,2,18,16,3,3,4,0,16,4,1,1,2,49,38,28,2,7,12,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,5,0,6,20,1,1,5,1,7,0,10,11,0,1,1,5,34,5,26,34,5,11,0,3,0,1,6,7,1,2,8,132,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060911274461357,0.10924726934694236,0.079759823913141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571876099170147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718492648167285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579292184050162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519434723705315,0.0,0.17283928339871787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466916285998047,0.0,0.2646297738598201,0.2804197919674397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096094930111442,0.1367186696774651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720837219315385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770036533695671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400686371407804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984009715104522,0.0,0.14475684275471726,0.0,0.07190712063784166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556903835152349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873377828858222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532400986053542,0.0,0.0,0.09618362959857882,0.09701738727258426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866165323445645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382047827973256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241868280782307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093609056585306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294056863577248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938943490143087,0.299757217634973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503831697017517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664985697905625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858688234148425,0.0,0.1049532379354388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952542418989394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noisycat,2018/03/17,"I'm trying to fight this pain but I am losing and running out of time I feel so selfish posting here, Im so sorry, but I dont know what to do. It hurts to even breathe. I looked around the house last night but we don't really have any means available. I have a backpack I can fill with rocks; the river is about a mile from where I live. I ran through what time people wouldn't be around the piers. I don't care if drowning if painful. It cant hurt worse than this noise in my head and what does it even matter if it hurts anyway? I hope I suffer in the end. I hope its painful. I'd be leaving behind two young kids, friends, a husband. I deserve to suffer. I hope when I do it I regret it and suffer horribly for those few minutes.  I love everyone so much. I love my friends, Im so sorry I am losing this fight. They are such nice, kind people. I'm sorry. I KNOW this is irrational. I even have an appointment set up to get help, but I am beside myself with this feeling that I don't deserve anything. I dont think I'll make it. I feel like I am at war with my own mind. My whole chest hurts with this feeling. I don't want to burden my friends, but at the same time I feel like a big hug and someone just saying ""don't give up please"" would get me a little strength. Isn't that selfish? I think things like that and I just feel worse. I'm always the one to cheer everyone up, to check on everyone make sure their feeling all right. I just send little texts to say hi! I want everyone to be happy, Im so sorry I cant even reach out to ask you all for help, I just cant burden you with this darkness. My husband knows how I feel but I get the feeling he just doesn't want to be in charge of the kids when I'm gone, like its more inconvenient than he actually wants me around. I have spent my whole life just letting shitty people do shitty things to me because Im too scared or feel guilty for asking for even asking for a goddamned hug from my own friends. So now I am surrounded by people but lonely beyond measure. I just want to matter to someone. I want someone to tell me my existence makes their life just a little better. I'm so selfish. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry. ",0.27049440377009404,2.3481148090128805,2.1284650340823035,96.07699528738537,85.45922746781116,4.684944879239249,19.223091811832028,5.900188976854957,-0.2564784482033158,1695,47,387,12,51,559,189,466,0.245,0.5429999999999999,0.212,-0.9441,0,2,0,0,2,0,52.0,1,2,3,4,36,46,3,1,16,0,35,12,3,4,3,74,85,28,2,15,19,2,10,4,4,2,5,2,0,2,25,16,0,0,16,1,2,5,13,23,0,2,3,13,60,23,51,75,10,40,0,11,1,4,31,23,0,7,14,246,85,0,0.0,0.0,0.05561853655209669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742409726197298,0.0,0.0,0.03875830230392872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046901723597235365,0.15221191072716891,0.159846853855404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0347433969721637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040711793245591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810982299052556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987638411716095,0.0,0.13359456196195552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050480324593507785,0.0,0.0,0.18822207537862265,0.0,0.0,0.21784324271285604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881819703450611,0.0814339490166229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613563664002266,0.0,0.08933202421465629,0.054674441762066615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060671842623676725,0.0,0.0,0.058492932538517686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640459715216738,0.0,0.0,0.16982558065656006,0.0,0.06576414988332949,0.24405571751671346,0.0,0.2462559195734439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935113577077191,0.09396827305560984,0.04645822979237938,0.0,0.06034908297729787,0.0,0.0582808698895631,0.08051398430987057,0.11137878772286204,0.17137077453739147,0.050327301798043705,0.0,0.04786113408706998,0.12752482288842695,0.0,0.0,0.10287975619372536,0.0,0.11413307274005245,0.0,0.0,0.06208385977702895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754832817750322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189761036842511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534855986080979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862103579726588,0.0,0.18193891175514787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805159845356162,0.0,0.0,0.0625629877260426,0.0,0.0,0.054585100029425744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036512218914133865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048673101947065166,0.0,0.09064883351750774,0.05706156665035436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487409317012168,0.0,0.0,0.4466057484094667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371676354334617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981581808495381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572939825935335,0.07303971413365454,0.0,0.0,0.0997020799239608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869561201986677,0.0,0.05567547111189957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170145399041897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726493627428062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616479274078136,0.040487349347536006,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unforjhinate,2018/03/17,"Indifference Days keep going by, and I feel stuck. I do enough to get by- bare minimum to pass classes, to keep at least a few acquaintances around to play video games with, but other than that, I’ve isolated myself completely. People here don’t really seem like the kind I’d want to get along with, anyways. I feel exhausted after talking, and disingenuous with who I am. Plus, my reputation succeeds me, so I know I have no shot interacting with certain social circles that my ex or my previous roommate are in. 

My thoughts of suicide are near constant again, though. I don’t have any active desire to go out of my way to end my life, but I spend so much of the day imagining various ways to kill myself. Cutting used to be a way to distract myself, and I still get the urge pretty frequently. Yet I know I can’t/shouldn’t- I’d cut my thighs, but I live in a warm climate and shorts weather is nigh. My other scars are almost all completely healed and white; old and faded. Plus, I don’t want that to be who I am, anymore. And yet it feels so tempting, so comforting to think about. 

I feel resigned to living life- at least, until my parents die. I feel like that’d be when I could finally just let go if I still needed to or wanted to. The only thing keeping me would be the guilt from leaving them in such an awful way. But these days are getting unbearably long, and the future increasingly dark and cloudy. I can’t see myself in 10 years, 5 years, or honestly even imagine what life will be like next year. I wish I could start over everything. I wish I wasn’t so mentally unstable and broken. 

My walk to classes takes me across a fairly busy street, under a sketchy overpass. The other night, I took a breath and walked across without looking. I felt so calm, so at peace. My headphones were in and I could tune out any sounds of traffic. When I got to the opposite curb, unscathed, I kept walking and tried my best to keep from bursting into tears. I would have been okay if it was done then. I’m thinking about doing it again, and again. If I should continue to live, then I guess it’ll be some sort of sign. ",4.022856811325134,5.378062374100717,4.710325674943917,85.25067765142725,71.54196642685851,7.778726696062505,27.36048580490447,8.259297600419973,1.734709197803047,1658,58,332,25,31,532,231,417,0.123,0.715,0.162,0.9632,1,0,0,0,0,3,58.0,0,0,1,2,25,20,3,2,15,2,37,7,2,1,2,78,77,39,3,16,12,2,7,3,0,5,5,1,0,0,16,25,0,6,14,3,1,9,7,7,0,0,11,11,51,13,58,50,10,63,0,1,3,0,9,19,0,11,34,233,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926596321285067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124348045388275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840800752623755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793580589021611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093552306262857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869339298008177,0.09633420805411984,0.0,0.2135253795715964,0.0,0.0,0.17247368769124705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251856297117113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912264108586594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895611887440986,0.09211074155167813,0.0,0.0588795126737119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011788800611054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537226227495996,0.06368529333700071,0.08559329743675811,0.09765412433639713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629858874008848,0.0,0.15198968242687658,0.0,0.07129749803744445,0.0,0.09820340276063202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169451234504081,0.09862587011450336,0.09283092707868568,0.0979836559761468,0.0,0.0,0.0943918132041878,0.0,0.09115692753877752,0.18889750910120195,0.1306554119007925,0.0,0.2361503291862164,0.07889062819267129,0.07485945114007389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983731633888631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553192221803833,0.06609997879138296,0.0,0.0,0.09480684912443538,0.08365665862443887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935428102561668,0.0,0.0,0.0677988827059888,0.0,0.0,0.09898510893930364,0.0,0.0,0.061802003534436614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069263784815444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571086481746512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103712098681078,0.08115437148131828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087222609440028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309737654378926,0.0,0.14238281998840854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975102951929228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702603788415744,0.07165147272061005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059224058278163474,0.1142411899711005,0.08758463025681837,0.07077126967037169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904351118898852,0.06052368654839384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699276376313494,0.0,0.0,0.15774030879010034,0.2830369955551065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050249828933981,0.0859327169536779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665227467277174,0.0,0.0,0.1722196084867014
suicidewatch,Tellegaard,2018/03/17,"Finally getting the help I've always needed, but I've never felt so much like giving up. I'm 24, was diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago after a life of neglect, and am about to start therapy and medication. I'm used to having suicidal thoughts several days of the week, but today is one of the days where I'm actively seeking the least painful way to die.

Physical activity has always been a way to improve my mood dramatically, but being 24 old with spinal stenosis causes me to be constantly tired and angry because of the pain. I was told at the hospital that depression can worsen the pain, so I need to fix my head in order to fix my back problems.

I'm so worried that if therapy doesn't help me, I will be stuck with this mindset until I eventually take my own life. I am tired of being tired, and I honestly think I would have taken my fucking life by now if it wasn't because of the people who believe in me.",10.369691119691119,6.281251513513517,10.85444015444016,64.3137837837838,60.89189189189189,14.030888030888027,42.64478764478764,11.765960540728905,4.881370656370657,730,30,138,16,7,253,112,185,0.257,0.628,0.115,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,0,11,0,18,14,2,2,1,23,36,13,2,6,5,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,9,1,15,2,24,21,3,23,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,2,16,93,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863766493601626,0.0,0.1022577343903169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197387079374467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870303190929874,0.0,0.14064209518687312,0.0,0.0,0.12996874368839542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850424314163825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246608062638427,0.0,0.0,0.12764121777786513,0.0,0.14879248262334197,0.0,0.09935750894495243,0.11708574444144428,0.1197231895847308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107615839147478,0.1263688374115843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664643244466207,0.0602696922185428,0.1106617186677306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839038929372185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464381093764726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444418889348033,0.05635799687803874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621085290535302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207749986812416,0.0,0.08480126036984342,0.17107270234738398,0.08897105127718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104861172646245,0.0,0.07816943457150431,0.0,0.3682465155287616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997457751451605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103818405662744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032148505655008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165084856111668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261827160186553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673471337010277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638434085175577,0.0,0.0,0.07391662389718041,0.0,0.09158121207025452,0.0,0.3977604832239257,0.10934571129347513,0.11022932681994804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963210578117693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313131327437268,0.09253307339269697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715145120812523,0.0,0.08194687533522613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DankChank739,2018/03/17,"Trying to get happy I'm not going to do anything terrible. Just need to let things off of my chest.

I really haven't been able to get happy. I've been putting on a facade for the past week and it's already hurting. My friends/relationships are the most important thing to me, and I try to make people happy. The problem with this is I began believing that if I don't make people happy I am nothing. I spend 8 hours straight a day planning how to fix my friends problems and making jokes and all the while telling myself ""your not doing enough."" It's been intense self hatred. And I can't ask them for help, because I don't want them to worry about me and in hand make their lives more stressful.

I just need to vent, not planning to do anything. Does anyone have an answer? How can I make other people happy without sacrificing my own?",3.6074481805619527,5.133729053892218,4.5409580838323365,85.38657300783052,72.83233532934132,6.5755872869645335,26.618608935974212,7.010146845296331,1.2480266236757256,660,23,128,6,13,214,103,167,0.135,0.6829999999999999,0.182,0.8581,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,2,5,12,0,1,7,0,16,2,2,7,1,29,30,10,0,6,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,1,1,1,2,8,5,0,0,4,1,21,7,19,25,5,12,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,6,90,28,0,0.11154603169861832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309381974721716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799557893809418,0.0,0.1835857595002064,0.0,0.10428048203077347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799742559064313,0.0,0.0,0.12567417978690482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193796247264721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976146840349036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525686887847428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618018738845719,0.0,0.11655639533970286,0.0,0.06339418039363405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5937141246660522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476695375814914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985037198613316,0.0,0.11941233398327265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406337488670502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984971896079164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722892116397958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541993821977993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703142582793557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064833089529048,0.2319959202738323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346897542988316,0.0,0.112134571077798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145924420551769,0.0,0.0,0.11975869310730045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636683834722901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777560243606614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749614829495784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482124539316131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146486689907704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579273955387169,0.0,0.08947549827572104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752639402804433,0.0,0.0,0.1132804097631768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glousse,2018/03/17,"When the person you love the most and who you thought loved you back just as much, gets mad at you when you’re not feeling good. This is like my 4th post today and I deleted them all because honestly I want someone to talk with me but no one is. I need advice so badly. My partner is mad at me for being depressed. He says it’s not the depression itself but he hates the lack of motivation. I’m sure if I had the mild cute symptoms like crying all the time, he’d be happier. But a suicidal and unmotivated partner? Huge turn off. I want to kill myself and just escape everything. Nothing in my life has worked properly and now loving someone has gone wrong. Wtf should I do now. I just need advice. Please help. ",1.7155477855477843,4.039389412587415,3.228699300699301,88.89433100233101,81.44755244755245,6.051095571095573,22.82004662004661,7.3011,0.9179243822843821,558,19,114,8,15,183,98,143,0.281,0.477,0.242,-0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,4,1,2,9,17,4,0,7,0,11,5,0,1,3,28,25,13,2,7,9,0,1,2,2,1,2,1,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,3,2,19,9,10,18,5,14,0,2,0,3,18,5,0,2,9,77,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959331543289503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643318865619698,0.12642997811078416,0.0923046667595326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632855306417807,0.0,0.0,0.2608368921420081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360871813644148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656286678046663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911107764059289,0.0,0.0,0.12700451759507428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949661435082334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014941182158668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752459416393964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695293406628012,0.14795303252984202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099893406812885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113116534395506,0.22455309359330172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529226670023673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260660009816526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322147339735025,0.0,0.16621448208302392,0.0,0.0,0.14501919522402182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041583580151595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565965729233214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656296934063567,0.0,0.1427122385943366,0.1573841082272043,0.0,0.12170624071385143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202111394934328,0.08829464075324274,0.0,0.14352913939624426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470226409647631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862373014758742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023608910531832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165554789199808,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,straightlacedkinkaju,2018/03/17,"Almost there I’ve got the means in front of me and the reasons. I’m sorry I tried not to go down this road and just become another VA statistic. 

But I can’t anymore. 

It’s too hard. ",-0.8272499999999994,1.2272607750000049,1.6900000000000013,97.195,91.25,4.2,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.4544000000000002,141,4,33,1,5,48,35,40,0.078,0.922,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,5,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162080175117174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311228234036183,0.0,0.0,0.31316886958777745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487541583357658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946502949409135,0.0,0.2525580825718389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828768203476924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439769525660699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246743939011726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534898140494469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439386578212727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yevo,2018/03/17,"3rd time I've been dumped in a row. Hey there,

4 days ago I was dumped for the 3rd time in a row. 2 times their mom has said I'm not the right guy for their daughters. After a relationship of 3 and 2 years... 

I feel really bad hearing this stuff. I feel like a total loser. My studies didn't work out, my relationships don't work out. I have no close friends. 

I went to a doctor because I'm really depressed, he gave me pills, it helped for a day but when I think about all the bad stuff that has been said about me... Fuck man it's hard. 

Sometimes I just want to go drive with my car and crash against a tree... I'm just a failure in life. Thanks for reading. :(",-0.18800531914893528,1.8591139007092217,1.4880097517730488,100.09031250000002,87.29787234042553,4.659751773049647,17.32313829787234,5.985473137389443,-0.6477202127659578,504,12,125,4,16,163,91,141,0.246,0.691,0.063,-0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,3,6,10,3,0,11,0,8,4,0,0,2,16,23,4,0,1,4,2,3,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,1,0,4,4,7,0,0,8,6,14,3,17,15,2,20,0,2,0,1,16,7,1,0,10,67,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645565455481995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570615384086239,0.09383842342640128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985529576834377,0.0,0.1325855105127745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756080229310634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556701077834206,0.10997245599254857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893116312682105,0.1423120591507137,0.0,0.0,0.08748581127703887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242159969519695,0.0,0.0,0.13789710557733942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349792244082962,0.0,0.10318056903061358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087300898854184,0.07520572795048645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028887920430245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397842292079625,0.0,0.19723166744156026,0.0,0.0,0.3305409537252163,0.0,0.13146115659457505,0.2928582302072149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224739717886432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524415347741208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172429156586366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863646360355216,0.0,0.0,0.2692852975744842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079589262403953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270092379477864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413559724524035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913022993203384
suicidewatch,EmmaX7,2018/03/17,"I don't think I can continue... My life has always been a mess. I wanted to kill myself since I was little, it's always been in my mind that it's gonna happen sooner or later.
Well next month my mom is going to come live with me for a month. And I won't be able to take it. She has always been mean to me and made me feel like shit. I can't go through that again... 
I'm not gonna make it...",-0.4190000000000005,0.7767288222222248,2.1708333333333343,99.53625000000004,83.0,4.9444444444444455,13.472222222222221,5.148860815047168,-1.3611111111111112,294,2,79,1,8,102,60,90,0.128,0.818,0.055,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,0,12,2,1,2,0,13,26,3,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,5,1,14,2,8,17,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,7,48,20,0,0.1923525869176879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801582840799424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569472156755904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725924749414663,0.1374167265278604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863681582485409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009675735713772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128096380176816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586432068177695,0.0939737578635227,0.19278782492925892,0.1698508583110752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820086686324966,0.12839684540987273,0.0,0.0,0.20952835724649765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942212792281328,0.22528102501694386,0.3070679994539495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456915837948186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744716629005807,0.15911604761509845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462520678729507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325177083980912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345453944773246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729480762560199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ViscousSummer88,2018/03/17,"Everyone’s going to die sometime anyway? Life is life and it’s a known and accepted fact that everything must die and decay at sometime. Me, you, that house, that tree, it goes on. The reality is that when I’m gone I’m gone and while the mourning of the very few may be great for a week that’s all it will be. Mourning for a week, nothing more nothing less.

It’s a shame really because I have a job I’m good at, a partner that says they love me and a couple of friends but yet some how I still feel like this useless piece of crap and I can’t stop feeling like this, I can’t stop feeling I have no one around me, no one that really gives a shit. Which when you think about seems odd it’s feel this way bearing in mind the above but I do and have done for years and it just doesn’t get better.

Sure, some days are good days, some days are really good days but then those good days are soon lost and forgotten because those dark, gloomy, depressing days just ruin it all and take over your life. 

How many of these days can you take, can I take? Who even knows anymore but everyone does know for sure all things do end eventually.",2.8230769230769246,4.08576669230769,3.4988034188034187,93.1323076923077,74.38461538461539,7.08034188034188,22.82905982905983,7.594959193182576,0.6462495726495736,882,23,203,11,18,278,122,234,0.199,0.64,0.161,-0.9077,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,1,2,13,23,2,1,12,0,21,6,2,2,7,43,42,20,4,1,6,0,4,2,2,3,3,1,0,1,23,11,0,2,10,0,0,3,5,10,0,2,4,5,15,13,16,33,10,31,0,6,0,1,11,6,2,5,23,128,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687588929815703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695911992859684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909403973430135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639321179142694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808505264070116,0.0,0.4409849152885236,0.0,0.08413474715709296,0.0,0.20276032262710536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548358234244534,0.09996424449209376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651868134477995,0.0,0.0,0.06451910082935784,0.0,0.0,0.1866817443346145,0.08779172686341412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975670660786661,0.13957037602968134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547011208144024,0.0,0.051035652663678384,0.09370701639910486,0.05551584470399297,0.3277294983211994,0.0,0.10769652103994294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127137666701512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969359066417426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736871099099037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699046039415292,0.09544655191065776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663319573259357,0.0,0.0881632687054703,0.0,0.0,0.0990358449613388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863259611754886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746010999165136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323858796969275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773585900212705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768192463629599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892748663465196,0.0,0.0,0.10027081833997574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322316922006486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801025434863969,0.1633357380634511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841312862111576,0.0,0.2203377456809896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489664764631457,0.06259171076582375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059920563253631,0.0,0.07753670005667179,0.15671179392946707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290503991499566
suicidewatch,Miuque,2018/03/17,"I don't know what to do At this point in my life, I have no idea what to do.

I feel like I am nothing in this world.

I'm lazy, I don't contribute to anything. I can't keep a job.

For a long time (long before I can remember, if I'm being completely honest), I've always worried about myself, and I mean always. Sometimes I feel as if I could just shoot myself in the head, other days I'm happy and I'm thankful for life. 

 I am very good with people. Whether it's through text message, or body language in person, I can always tell how people feel. I can read anyone like a book. Despite this, I can not begin to explain how much I dislike people. I guess you could call me a loner. I do tend to stay inside, play video games, stay on the computer, etc. On the very rare occasion I do go out, it's usually to hang out with one of my few friends just to go out to eat for an hour and go our separate ways. 

I am amazing with advice. Not to toot my own horn or anything of the sort. It's weird and even I do not understand it. I have people coming to me asking me about things or situations I've never even come close to getting into, but I always seem to know what to say/do in those situations. My advice is always spot on, regardless of what it's about.

I do also worry about my love life. Going back to being good with people, I get dozens of people a week asking me for relationship advice. Despite me being good with advice and knowing what to say or how to help, my love life is absolutely shit. I yearn for the day to have someone to hold and love, someone to cuddle and call my own.

I worry about my future. I honestly have no idea what to make of it. Ever since I was child, I've always thought I was going to die young. I just can't see myself living a long, happy life. I truly can't.

 I once was robbed at gun point in my car for $200. Once I realized that I had a handgun touching my temple, all I thought was, ""This is it. This is how I go."" I felt nothing else. No sadness towards leaving friends, family, etc. I simply didn't give a fuck.

I don't know if I'm writing this for help, or if I only want to type this out since I have never told anyone about this and I need to get it off my fucking chest.

",1.7803594624860042,3.0620687851063835,3.870705487122063,89.34105263157896,77.1063829787234,6.309070548712207,22.15565509518477,6.8360192770164,0.4981702127659569,1699,46,377,16,38,583,199,470,0.075,0.763,0.162,0.9925,1,1,0,3,0,0,65.0,1,1,0,0,18,23,3,0,14,0,39,16,4,5,4,76,87,25,1,10,17,0,5,2,2,0,5,1,0,2,26,21,1,2,18,5,0,10,15,6,0,2,10,7,63,17,66,72,7,51,0,2,1,6,24,22,3,12,18,256,89,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525589007065735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167152418722353,0.32258246993303913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035875317580302,0.0,0.1063430809484599,0.0,0.12081010827999974,0.0,0.0,0.04968391966667431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498146950106306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177121519437045,0.0,0.0,0.13195555146932894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113179014302529,0.06774619794228298,0.0,0.0,0.10317750694463244,0.0,0.0,0.08334093654456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705878260901048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661159096419969,0.05397642567763508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412263162274366,0.08535343208348893,0.05844675877724681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091201245808595,0.0,0.09801183064228994,0.046160014856777835,0.06203925073272549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984071388275452,0.11946858339038455,0.10127391867224413,0.0619833146863075,0.22032860747853106,0.16258462872121682,0.0,0.0,0.07117923609819081,0.0,0.0,0.13756489477504388,0.0,0.0,0.06631226085924752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661835468522464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363144413892657,0.0,0.0,0.14588192492354296,0.0,0.0,0.06411909200253922,0.05743159386043874,0.0,0.0,0.14203992094835985,0.0,0.0,0.06841654126969447,0.0,0.0,0.22819271058335625,0.06313394546257049,0.0,0.0570550495647713,0.17154317952957454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749490647958626,0.0,0.04313012281282592,0.0,0.0,0.07038322282734394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474984779793796,0.047910213538581985,0.09966808279643187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399710752986196,0.0,0.0,0.1376228879433912,0.043783891306119364,0.04914160348482067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26876987623176585,0.056418159609859575,0.0,0.0,0.12216159594201573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463114991383635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937089472550892,0.07319468624107378,0.0,0.0,0.10276675888734307,0.0,0.0,0.05148872507789472,0.05882185347639229,0.0,0.0,0.06632499812553694,0.10689818201098833,0.14525693229555425,0.0,0.0,0.10949389656853396,0.0,0.06390456639577381,0.0,0.0,0.13773913855298864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647519076926059,0.059487581187509776,0.0,0.0,0.04292644764203973,0.0,0.0,0.10259206445452293,0.0376767474017684,0.0,0.0,0.06174112542436976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726510350792372,0.0,0.0,0.07116282293947171,0.10662608026938797,0.03811081342717353,0.051287319392194775,0.05182918425668028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968549382825089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freecontrol,2018/03/17,I don't know any more Ok so i know im a loser for saying this but im honestly contemplating suicide and i know it hurts more people then its worth... usually but problem is i dont think any one would care but idk... i mean does any one really care? I guess this is my last cry for help .... Sorry,-1.9623153409090897,-0.21476657812499766,1.2447159090909103,96.50142045454548,105.40625,4.827272727272729,13.630681818181818,6.574015621080383,-0.4386062499999999,225,5,54,4,11,79,43,64,0.264,0.519,0.21600000000000005,-0.6105,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,12,13,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,7,4,2,12,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575016445848382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573317379889632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248968986975934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335113844776355,0.0,0.2053765377134392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930433859719005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745771233540815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759490482488966,0.0,0.3785722069124013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889171279377084,0.14284159838439225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908845387362984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374903438721723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148731802313588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767820707049105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226135247863492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393555493740038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616354991065296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916809094389898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228483692787687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929988722638683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448338477369113,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IkeDevampire,2018/03/17,"Hanging the leash I have my friend's dog leash tied around my neck. Now I just try to relax and slide down abd let gravity do the rest. If this works I hope to see you all in the next life.

-Willie Godfrey",0.09727272727273116,2.2182814545454583,0.9829090909090932,103.68936363636368,86.72727272727272,4.42909090909091,17.89090909090909,5.6839178017228535,-0.7575036363636363,160,4,40,1,5,49,37,44,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,5,4,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444993862292214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989842504392308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843641934636282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957191748649899,0.2733394979910927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411563762843057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083775601116778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26273793936867146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28173025377570243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LPNinja,2018/03/17,"I have the urge to stab myself to death and die The only reason why I‘m not doing it is because I‘m a scared piece of shit, I count the days until I finally snap and kill myself",14.79868421052631,4.9284593947368425,13.824736842105265,63.62815789473686,60.31578947368421,16.25263157894737,43.26315789473684,8.841846274778883,4.088863157894736,139,2,30,1,1,47,30,38,0.449,0.551,0.0,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,5,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055576245639891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174699490959198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34996655053469894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693926488043776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730684356631344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25646032913540845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467038904445119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376019939542519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461370741480726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042759316156019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilbengalen,2018/03/17,"Torn I've been feeling really anxious and down again lately after a good 3 months. It's gone so far I can't leave my room to attend classes, go grocery shopping or even see my friends. I feel more empty and lonely than ever and this weekend has been the worst so far. I can't control myself, I cut myself for the first time in 2-2.5 years and I didn't feel bad about it. That's how numb I feel, I used to feel embarassed and disappointment in myself each time it happened but not this time. I'm currently on my 2nd night just in bed, haven't eaten properly and dosed up heavily on sleeping pills. I don't know who to reach out to, I texted a friend yesterday who said to come over whenever but I feel like a burden.. And the entire journey there gives me so much anxiety. I'm feeling lonlier and having suicidal thought like just swallowing 100s of pills cause I probably even have more than that. Any advice on what I should do? I don't feel safe with myself but I'm not able to go anywhere without anxiety attacks either. I'm currently not in my home country and therefore I really don't want to admit myself anywhere. What do I do... I could really need someone to talk to. My boyfriend kicked me out and hasn't contacted me to see how I am so I can't reach out to him. He dosent really care anyway. I told how I was feeling before I left and he told me to ""do that somewhere else"". I only told him to not let his friends in if Im in bed in my underwear or showering just out of common sense or respect. Me speaking up about anything always results in getting cut off or treated like I don't exist until he feels like having me around again. I don't know how many times I can go through this. Walking away is easier said than done when you can't even decide if you deserve living.",2.776475409836067,4.377698614754095,4.192043715846996,86.73724590163934,75.14754098360655,7.1750819672131145,25.86120218579235,7.908726449838941,1.4738290710382516,1407,50,288,21,30,466,185,366,0.084,0.767,0.149,0.9721,3,2,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,2,0,2,23,21,3,0,6,0,30,7,1,9,1,67,68,30,1,6,18,0,10,4,3,1,4,3,5,0,13,19,2,2,15,2,1,8,17,9,0,1,13,15,47,12,48,52,6,54,0,2,2,0,23,26,0,6,24,195,60,1,0.09394949863962172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918063627400024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817350900558381,0.0,0.0,0.0638888807405263,0.0,0.14374221861644929,0.10613619180117333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731243236433394,0.08363497223965521,0.0,0.10688111769256188,0.08826864660030334,0.0,0.07844390709090432,0.0,0.0,0.07994410363477791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578777526895076,0.0965120146833504,0.0,0.08092917422090788,0.0,0.0,0.10537235141235418,0.07501102992345658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614295567755607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848275077704706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615827337793744,0.08498270022984278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750368937877655,0.1342350812002864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991339554873861,0.0,0.0,0.21775544879149186,0.0,0.049084735416644425,0.09012491986619983,0.1601809954318284,0.07880038205514278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307923137403349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423900730943707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148158034570066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326437492137046,0.0,0.1059791266176152,0.09947895382264678,0.102076405164472,0.09606972763229096,0.0,0.18359591785136134,0.0,0.08295912853339207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525004566368107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074989593483646,0.0,0.06906369146798308,0.06966236281150477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816524015970764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714528272419803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012934496233726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407458181717759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873497484998122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973117346637005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940173478439576,0.0,0.07960310531970492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027655028910819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551304826276999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458540765902608,0.21913083271447192,0.0,0.0,0.2693183162024182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114220217915091,0.0,0.0,0.05541384844522459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056396409291814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050039686860888
suicidewatch,Sabishiihyung,2018/03/17,"Lethargic I just had a positive life changing moment. I should be ecstatic right now and feel like I can conquer the world.

But....

I don't feel like that at all. Am I happy? Yeah, but every negative moment leading up to this has made me unbearably depressed. The therapy meetings, doctor appointments,arguments, deaths, medications, and losing friends. 

It wore me down to the person I am now.

My life changing moment isn't to blame for this because I realize its the feeling of loneliness, worthlessness, failure, and self hatred.

 It's just me.

It never goes away...no matter what happens, who I am with, or what I accomplish. I am always trying to find the source of my problem but honestly it's just how I am. I don't think it will,ever go away.

I'm at this point where I don't want live like this. 

What do I live for?
If I am not living for myself why am I alive?
For the sake of just existing?

Are there people who care for me?
Sure, when they feel like it.

I juggle around with the thought of dying in my head a lot. I think I'm crazy and often wonder if I should be in psych ward or something but I hear those places are essentially a prison.

My living situation is toxic and I don't have the means nor mental stability to get myself out.

My support system is a fucking joke but its my fault for trusting others.

Everyday it seems like the light at the end of the is further away than the day before.


I want to cut myself off from the world and be alone.",2.3942497136311545,4.468246615120279,3.9006185567010334,86.29349369988549,77.69415807560136,6.785337915234822,23.49255441008018,7.793537801064563,1.2222334478808707,1139,37,227,18,27,377,157,291,0.158,0.66,0.182,0.6933,0,1,1,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,1,4,12,20,2,0,17,1,27,6,1,3,3,50,50,18,2,7,14,0,4,5,1,2,4,1,0,2,21,10,0,0,12,1,0,2,9,7,0,0,4,6,36,13,33,41,2,32,0,3,0,1,8,19,1,8,15,166,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364080986399915,0.0,0.0,0.09129902676461336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097677482642113,0.0,0.0,0.30926748578709684,0.0,0.0,0.06688663597606652,0.0,0.0933669084357371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187077015281532,0.0,0.23214655303297102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076280119390296,0.0,0.09450498477656476,0.0,0.11387602536790005,0.0,0.0,0.11230700220940568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718275670467234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244706966776403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191868642872414,0.2351602050455405,0.0,0.0,0.10028560424191356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847723685438194,0.1014379243368676,0.0573261790284748,0.0,0.0623585882871068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702843156573156,0.11680307066169805,0.0,0.0,0.11260831774771618,0.0,0.1236667449981756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500238977299025,0.2680276354325463,0.0,0.3875526526920089,0.0,0.0,0.12275291350014715,0.0,0.0932832871428516,0.0,0.10382335279736624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952143114337176,0.0,0.1105352277981998,0.11057582592996887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462579160638835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606869687835001,0.09580662703649112,0.11463806189670699,0.0,0.10372449705496836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499089875637334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370356198525097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988846528455332,0.11446589762198188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333419623344966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447077458847492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451331619744282,0.10341342304020773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254787764413626,0.0,0.0,0.14061321565556367,0.0,0.08710847468321556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449528660417419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943593032185405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990087014160635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899082669964214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akafkaluka,2018/03/17,Im obsessed with suicide And i know Its just a matter od time before it happens. Im actually looking forward to it. It Will be beautiful. My Sweet death. Love to you all.,-1.032,0.6251738000000024,2.2057142857142864,88.15428571428573,111.0,4.285714285714287,25.0,6.18269132825596,1.2315714285714292,133,7,26,2,7,47,29,35,0.218,0.518,0.263,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,3,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.301389440899912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628054569339397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27311176647523394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6672140128050174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973385154325782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593531102679464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787458473498549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33782772858044696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009076342557415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dean_gilmore,2018/03/17,"7 Days A last cry of help. 
Last year had a lot of ups and downs for me. The stability I always had was gone and this year has been a emotional roller coaster. 

Everything and beyond has happened. Close friends killed themselves, relatives died, I loosed friendships. In the last 12 months I can’t remember a day I could consider a good day. I’ve not been able to do things I like without worrying or leaving it for the next day. Sleep has been my only friend. I love sleeping cause it’s the only time I can come to peace with myself. I’m failing in school I can’t contentrate. Everything is a complete disaster. 

So I’ve managed to do a list of things I wish I had done the last year. And I have 7 days to complete it. I’m killing myself in 7 days. ",1.360073529411764,3.586884594771245,2.7929697712418293,92.07023897058822,82.13725490196079,6.177941176470588,24.595179738562088,7.413659706084162,1.1188826797385616,585,23,126,9,16,190,89,153,0.142,0.667,0.192,0.6169,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,0,12,0,19,3,2,1,0,15,26,6,3,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,0,15,5,17,16,1,25,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,2,17,77,21,3,0.1165732201736828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699825767046784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975280868974325,0.0,0.10041750708129392,0.24444960690755935,0.0,0.0,0.09307423065942846,0.0,0.1280502085040758,0.4510804989008269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098459800236933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929487759524565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112918236891452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953698721495467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801283614676236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777608630271524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308531361061593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813657222439979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794199272539864,0.0,0.0,0.3800909330479509,0.0,0.12343420831970628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695178703606731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910638309386233,0.1052118825291343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304763216923996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239769421490605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731837386514074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205473386562772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797832236296585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23331481591828795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489213521583092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797478214027818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405345013589132,0.11237242432236738,0.0,0.0,0.11838576368514045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520799536609204
suicidewatch,Vallaleia,2018/03/17,"I'm not even good enough for death. I'm not good enough. I'm a piece of shit and I'm so ugly and stupid. I've tried to kill myself over the years to no avail. I'm not even good enough to die. I CRAVE death but I'm a craven. I want out of my head. I want out. There's no hope for me and there's no way out, except death. I can't even do that right, though. ",-3.2550045248868784,-1.7179183647058809,-0.8235294117647065,112.61257918552036,103.23529411764706,2.6153846153846154,6.538461538461537,3.1291,-2.936357466063348,269,0,82,0,13,88,46,85,0.374,0.5539999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,14,11,6,5,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,12,11,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899491426363798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673355429480993,0.0,0.3626552096806048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605334250028517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783456254992545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178329283004352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024880074699644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563007771264428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787064183316135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981932372415868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426071049809435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590360140817547,0.14527526399437754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786091326492434
suicidewatch,TheJellyJello,2018/03/17,I don’t know if I can make it I don’t know anymore. I’m having a nervous breakdown breakdown right now. This is the fifth one this week. Please anyone.i just need a little emotional support right now. ,2.41,4.759872000000001,3.0599999999999987,90.935,79.0,5.0,27.5,5.985473137389443,1.0162499999999994,160,7,31,1,4,50,29,40,0.058,0.775,0.16699999999999998,0.4458,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,11,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866538840301866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251354873867368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31770194061555296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896979260388213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293905016468751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432239211181844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586362964411635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172834079781593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936838288560445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280035965633429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23185358466729736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anotherhuman2000,2018/03/17,"I am suicidal and bestfriend attempted suicide, I saved her She took 20 pills to kill herself. I am into self- harm so I go to therapy to overcome major depressive disorder and severe anxiety along with suicidal tendencies but... my bestfriend attempted suicide. She was saved I’m grateful to the doctors but, she was the one who always encouraged self love and discourage self harm. On the contrary, I dont understand why I’ve become more prone to self harming tendencies",4.712023809523808,7.83845091666667,5.609523809523811,71.46880952380955,75.54761904761905,9.923809523809524,36.714285714285715,9.994966539143718,5.051485714285715,383,23,56,13,9,125,56,84,0.332,0.532,0.136,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,10,1,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,12,10,6,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,3,0,11,4,9,7,2,4,0,2,0,1,12,2,0,0,0,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531378875661928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060171152849302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305620055388872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936302321238068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883037091045338,0.14184757918672675,0.0,0.0,0.16242054131272585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876102661466174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533237254716896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507833736424595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939087556877718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5782973512849767,0.15656155846756625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6063578131565526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848397987092847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397299006500292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427183110504938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250513711344871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Char0089,2018/03/17,"I’m starting at 5280 mg of naproxen tablets. I’m looking for reasons to not take these pills tonight. So far I haven’t come up with any. I feel isolated from society and reality. I just want to wake up from a bad dream. I want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. I don’t want to be alone. I want someone to love me. But I know none of those things will happen. I’ve reached a point where I’d rather go out on my own terms rather than spend one more day suffering in this pit of despair. 

Sorry for the dramatics, ",1.2393019480519456,3.2377463392857173,2.6041233766233773,94.52724025974024,81.14285714285714,6.215584415584416,25.36038961038961,7.348242739294969,1.0298107142857145,418,17,96,6,11,135,80,112,0.131,0.737,0.131,-0.4549,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,1,6,3,1,1,0,18,21,4,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,3,0,1,0,2,11,2,20,17,4,15,0,2,1,1,2,9,0,0,4,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206179513707044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580464082585093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902153811110114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469331506268272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827527875638404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269588501956605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841101436578786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185288079010105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896000892514451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783290708022814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004853283720246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351138992685876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528825872158713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268465213580691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044690448698495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633340276189771,0.0,0.0,0.24001195270915104,0.15175892822575338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120796504842475,0.0,0.1874018476445592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244300003877616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058530483354685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad_millennial,2018/03/17,"I'm privileged as fuck yet here I am It's been years since I truly felt suicidal and this was a feeling that I hoped to never feel again. But here I am again. Does anyone want to listen to my self centered sob story that really isn't that sad? 

I  used to work in tech like most people my age in this area. Then I quit my job with no plan because I was being heavily abused by the company (lol, startups). I stuck it out as long as I could and when I felt like I gathered enough experience, I bounced hoping that I would be able to find work again easily. 

Well, here I am months later and with more rejections than offers. Actually, I haven't had an offer period. 

I moved back home to my abusive mother because I have no where else to go. I left home telling her that I didn't need her and that I would be fine on my own and here I am crawling back to her. I'm older now and my grandmother just died so she's mellowed out a lot. Speaking of my grandmother, she's dead. She was also the only person who really loved and believed in me. She really believed that I would be the one who would do so well. She died thinking that I was going to live a beautiful life.

I'm so sorry grandma. I'm so so sorry but I don't think I'll make it.  It's just so hard when I'm surrounded by people younger and more successful than me. When everyone has their shit together at my truthfully quite young age, while I'm here trying to figure out how and when I started a 401k.

I tried. And I was okay for a little bit. And then I threw it all away.

I wish you were still here, grandma. To tell me how I'm number one and how proud you are of me. Or maybe it's better that you're not here to see what a pathetic and sad piece of shit I've become. I was someone to be proud of once. And now I'm just like my father. A failure. 

What else is there left for me? I know what people will say. That without my life there are no more chances for me to do better. That if I killed myself, then I really can't make my grandma proud. 

Well I'm sorry grandma. And sorry everyone. I'm just so.. tired. I've been holding myself together alone for too long. Supporting myself but also hating myself. And all I want to do, is give in and give up. 

People will grieve and mourn for a time, but then I'll become a sore memory. Everything will be okay without me.

I'm just so sorry that I can't do better. I'm so sorry that you put all your hope in me. I'm so sorry that I'm not strong enough to keep holding on. And I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time. 

I sit here feeling sorry for myself when there are people dying and starving out there. I don't deserve this comfort of internet and a roof over my head. I don't deserve the food I ate today. Because I'm going to throw it all away. This privileged and blessed life of mine. Because I'm selfish and greedy and wanted more than this. Because I'm too stupid and weak to really do any better than I did before. 

I don't know why I wrote this. I guess because a part of me knows that killing myself is wrong. But another part of me tells me to do it. And to do it now before I change my mind. And I'm scared. And sad. And I know this feeling. I know this feeling so well.",1.0436597222222233,2.8662282888888915,3.0678738425925935,91.85258854166668,80.92592592592592,6.055787037037038,20.324652777777786,7.105003140325477,0.3759930555555555,2465,66,551,31,64,832,255,675,0.181,0.657,0.162,-0.9612,2,1,0,0,1,1,73.0,0,4,1,14,55,47,7,1,16,3,53,13,3,6,6,100,115,65,9,14,16,2,8,3,0,7,6,3,2,2,37,35,2,3,16,0,0,7,17,18,4,2,18,12,90,29,64,83,17,67,1,7,1,2,32,23,4,8,39,380,127,4,0.05269783350396903,0.12487663097739801,0.05142548374600117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054579062675071864,0.0,0.08428487682784237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03583633386840972,0.05525827323765888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369510094326863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902269856715856,0.08104276224283509,0.0,0.1927446610824768,0.11640123369325503,0.08968394986607955,0.1187448249176974,0.0,0.1864278051609796,0.057532385567118774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574732036383663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042074931991180134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640760937865768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611622922375652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804455570853005,0.0,0.0,0.10890189805688733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071007645816826,0.04736141477744736,0.0515485930883272,0.0,0.0,0.13322804006168926,0.0,0.10119636857533088,0.0,0.04816486512087792,0.0,0.06372242945119326,0.0,0.0,0.048718297912843295,0.0,0.10110512755125167,0.0898481796070658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805260481090412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047206907910178564,0.05202820051900102,0.0540831805004062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572044744638204,0.15702251765522068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052294468343585164,0.04684025573751755,0.11660468987708172,0.0,0.14480675563187145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451270058768435,0.0,0.1116661147918218,0.07723649873895462,0.05281707338857836,0.04653315245307056,0.0932718486938027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480181355271496,0.04756185219811885,0.0,0.07035242613856556,0.0,0.052942056824979516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320978937534035,0.0,0.04206290793621003,0.0560094571929176,0.0,0.03907477581136928,0.0406438179166466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612147281049635,0.07141883162588011,0.040079077035092746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413323663682452,0.0,0.18267021237806946,0.04601371556547147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297587791076906,0.0,0.11210126527202796,0.0,0.0,0.16879790773894826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190743233851617,0.05275972454885708,0.0,0.04199335049115939,0.0,0.05497533331507578,0.0,0.10818713760721632,0.043592192438868686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044650703316979526,0.0,0.0,0.5309181915526667,0.03729979778836979,0.0,0.042084557908836286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057642876648859226,0.05980087696272352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818068770050926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753328772817606,0.0,0.0,0.06145706100183095,0.06056840744833762,0.04995138436582472,0.0,0.0,0.07155673954510801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045514008296995256,0.0,0.0,0.09324764266328103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952672430179607,0.0,0.04755159811366939,0.0,0.060599907812177216,0.10159766194250434,0.0,0.07672930083811465,0.0,0.0,0.1497401157860486,0.05761680829209439,0.0,0.03393567701021675
suicidewatch,axyxhhh,2018/03/17,"Living and dying are no difference Im 18 years old, my family dont give a shit about me. I only live for their sake but they dont seem to realize that im already dead. Inside. Everyday i wake up but just hope I didn’t. Maybe today is when my journey ends. ",-0.026011904761904958,1.9236008035714285,3.010714285714286,90.10095238095242,85.60714285714286,6.590476190476192,18.261904761904766,7.793537801064563,0.5980333333333334,199,5,45,4,6,71,47,56,0.134,0.763,0.103,-0.4094,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,7,8,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,4,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,6,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587573512805427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302662628266105,0.20438524154033255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458539288918224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732646284663889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844167148329789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766018076932134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942985798492793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226145607830452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454788105255301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965304074027123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527427760876998,0.0,0.0,0.14878072010067794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808856645423626,0.0,0.0,0.20080502633255728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854284950091529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597531770163395
suicidewatch,BleepBloop0111,2018/03/17,"I Can't Be Happy I'm not going to do anything rash, I'm too much of a coward. You don't need to worry, I just need to vent. 

Recently, I've been feeling down constantly. I haven't been my normal self towards other people. I can't seem to be happy for more than a couple hours at most. Things I used to do don't give me that feeling of happiness. Almost nothing makes me happy anymore. I feel like a burden to everyone and everything around me. A useless sack of shit that's always feeling down. I feel -no I know- that I'm a literal shit stain on humanity.  I don't even know why I feel so depressed, I have a good life, friends, and family. I guess im just an unappreciative, spoiled brat as well.  All throughout the day I imagine my dead body in different positions. The scariest part about it is that I will smile after thinking about it. As If I cherish seeing myself dead. I feel so fucking worthless that I would be better off as dead. I know my death would affect some people, but theres a voice in the back of my head slowly convincing me everyone would be better off without me. 

I want to tell people, tell people how I'm feeling. But, at the same time I dont. I dont feel as if I or my problems matter enough that I should have someone waste time on me. I feel like my life would become so much more complicated if people knew. I tried to start into everything once, but it didnt seem like anyone wanted to talk to me about it. I don't know what to do, I'm so confused and depressed. I'm surrounded by a lot of people but I feel alone. ",2.012329773030711,3.727346520249224,3.9159623943035173,87.40622663551407,77.56697819314641,6.579483756119269,23.613818424566087,7.447530270364453,1.004819225634178,1207,39,253,16,28,409,158,321,0.163,0.706,0.132,-0.9313,1,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,2,16,24,3,1,13,0,28,8,5,4,1,61,65,20,4,14,12,0,11,3,1,6,2,1,0,2,13,5,0,0,20,0,0,1,13,10,1,0,4,13,42,14,41,51,11,24,0,4,1,1,8,14,3,12,12,173,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892831174958276,0.08163526672894614,0.0,0.0,0.06558577337615003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816971360687455,0.0551138012202261,0.0,0.06486334990852141,0.07016781522803105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060608841448335636,0.0,0.0,0.0870521157233739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942236137887773,0.0,0.08755287890837922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517800213855915,0.0,0.0,0.08721445213373957,0.0,0.05083332437409616,0.0,0.13577762510990185,0.0,0.0,0.08235165493300342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475634057347845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144364394904656,0.0,0.05206083444025645,0.0,0.0,0.15063457580612072,0.141679301128162,0.0,0.0743058625434392,0.0,0.4383995128701996,0.11262014110307153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089726855696734,0.07286917454725209,0.0,0.07561273179468067,0.04479605516496055,0.06611170542508815,0.0,0.0,0.0868307304260978,0.0,0.0,0.33562766191614,0.0,0.0,0.08089356337951413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762326593430341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514070834317128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732728638531253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134786392217312,0.11552455954221225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701119110619802,0.0,0.0,0.052613940138930025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588569260248867,0.11689023553685295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722830060125498,0.07563132177120238,0.0,0.0,0.08394228807814784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535596581196536,0.0,0.3278692768989875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542149720989935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782668788018689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628105027855978,0.14351220334329673,0.08222797861896447,0.0,0.16181820284796006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678517175381052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055790238823212136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335370809503456,0.13778686971811305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236547914358262,0.05050561228573774,0.0,0.0,0.09192286055057244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351460095417376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807643856671974,0.0,0.0,0.09298188484206912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086996337199462,0.0,0.07112411252841183,0.0,0.0,0.07598107978777892,0.0,0.0,0.08004702408567113,0.0,0.22397002977115094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mountaindewprophet,2018/03/17,"I don't know why I can't stop thinking about it. It scares me that I keep thinking about it. And the thing is I only feel bad about it because my issues pale in comparison to other people's but I just can't stop thinking about it. Through my anxiety and depression over the last few months I feel totally cut off from the world. Like I'm always on the outside looking in. My grades are starting to slip because most mornings i can't even find the motivation to get out of bed to make it to school. What makes it worse is I feel like my parents have given up on me just subtly dropping hints on if I want to get my GED instead of graduating.  One of the biggest parts of it is where I live.  Its the middle of fucking nowhere and everyone here is either drunk, drugged out, or a damn Jesus freak. Every time I think about it in too afraid to tell anyone because I'm afraid I'll get looked down on or pitied. I don't want pity. I want a reason to want to live.",3.4224571428571444,4.236326160000001,4.436428571428571,88.7,72.4,7.114285714285713,26.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.1143214285714285,752,25,165,7,14,245,113,200,0.152,0.746,0.103,-0.9352,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,3,3,9,0,11,3,0,4,1,34,36,7,0,5,7,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,14,5,1,3,11,1,0,0,5,11,0,1,1,5,20,2,34,35,5,24,1,3,2,1,2,17,2,4,8,108,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228997011127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323707888701668,0.0,0.0,0.09436081596909504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267837525394585,0.2467944715542241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162330234175024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650021472619285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913380512777505,0.0,0.11370196438820362,0.12895138033962794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470570894304596,0.0964089590425537,0.0,0.0,0.12334268942371478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247599442796138,0.21151884607588373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408536915770019,0.0,0.11995057188389555,0.0,0.0,0.07416549238343273,0.1100030055604639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186039868446986,0.0,0.2383282567706207,0.0,0.2266495569305429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016156436099987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771653106084096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914462310454711,0.10263625027750264,0.0,0.0,0.14984701825982788,0.14613868765218493,0.0,0.0935579710054903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875201436343235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510940605311933,0.1365775284018183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551895064238478,0.0,0.0,0.2256500115439359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795304595736247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965538996043163,0.3458843832787197,0.0,0.0,0.07869096247876049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183901792214679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177220849712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752650928480253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway298453p9085,2018/03/17,"I'm so embarrassed, selfish, and I don't see a way out. I'm sick in the head, I don't have a job, I'm just about to lose everything. I can't bring myself to tell my parents or my family that I'm failing in life. I couldn't make my car payment. I'm the biggest failure, I can't figure it out. All I can think about is I'm failing my mom and dad. I'm the biggest disappointment. I just want to fade away. I've been here before. But this time it's different. I I'm a true fuck up. I might as well finish the job.",-1.511172161172162,0.3085961794871785,1.7889438339438328,97.12173076923081,91.47863247863249,5.052258852258851,18.61355311355312,6.5431188927421005,-0.11537802197802136,391,12,100,5,14,140,68,117,0.255,0.69,0.055,-0.9741,4,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,1,1,7,0,10,4,1,1,2,16,24,6,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,1,1,14,2,12,21,1,14,0,4,1,1,4,8,1,2,3,57,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954332171118226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978146456362224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330180965182825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004443085678304,0.0,0.2102521274661392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618694744717614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288923540712136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426442325808063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753215477958368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495126816750495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887375598552774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23659878884848498,0.0,0.2612091616385087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24764758799354294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777254362691712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493739459788365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429081376432246,0.0,0.0,0.13005014901908005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154842992656113,0.17703023720755215,0.0,0.0,0.20053008016289914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisaway6543278,2018/03/17,"I’m on the edge, I don’t want to do it but it feels like the only option Just getting out of a relationship. I was abused mentally and cheated on yet I still can’t cope with the fact that person left me. Ironically we still live together because she won’t be able to move into her new place till April.  While she’s waiting she goes out and she’s seeing the guy she cheated on me with.  

It’s crushing how little I meant to her how she continues to walk all over me and all I want is for her to take me back.  She just went out again and I’m sure she’s at the guys place. All I see in my head is them two getting it on. I’m crying in bed and I’m going over what would be the easiest way to off myself. I want to call her and beg her to come home. I am so defeated ",0.5208771929824572,1.8910257660818708,2.864187134502924,94.83242105263159,80.81286549707602,6.197426900584795,19.587134502923977,7.03164865440522,0.054881169590643264,590,14,148,7,15,203,97,171,0.146,0.7759999999999999,0.078,-0.9537,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,1,1,10,5,2,0,7,0,11,1,1,2,5,32,29,12,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,14,0,1,2,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,3,3,29,2,27,22,3,34,0,1,2,0,20,18,0,1,11,102,35,0,0.15755319782492544,0.18667477613297287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114868394885825,0.0,0.0960429670381626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087943048279532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571812921263604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306478968246075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966363076419634,0.1125560360067442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463008619018302,0.0,0.0895411131387738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31200487265030397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169503506704644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803870352094213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118201043121664,0.0,0.0,0.07697253413783828,0.1579096949307706,0.13912236018780275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877656649991606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745411532938653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216586023543024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982630656485715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756937523058818,0.3292191164765396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915317182567915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251099000370357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25164437460549577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484920243844849,0.0,0.11846039702694602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390658089991993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787868744192181,0.1250583949357122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605339284165006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119212713127461,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeVeteran,2018/03/17,"A lineological reflection of my depression 12 - ok, but searching, something's amiss, life isn't clear, confusion, light sadness

14 - fun and tormentuous, nice highs and deep lows, self-esteem inducing depression. I don't look like the others. Not in a good way. Light attempts at taking life. Suicidal ideologies. Cutting. Creativity. Confusion. Sadness. Talking to friends about it, some understand others do not. Writing clearly about my feelings.

16 - confusion. Sadness, I'm not who I want to be, life is controlling Me. I'm along for the ride. Some good days. Still able to communicate my feelings, which is a good thing. Sometimes it feels like it's the end of the world.

18 -20  try to turn it around, day by day struggles. Some months of no depression, other months of overwhelming sadnesses. Able to communicate about it to others. So scared I will kill myself and scared I can't feel better ever again.

21 -25 many failed attempts to live the life I want,  many pitfalls, not resilient to life. Many mistakes. Much sadness. Somenfun times, exploring life, meeting people. Keeping feelings about it within, sometimes able to speak about it. Feels heavier than it used to. I understand some days are worse than others, still it's very scary!

25-29 more fun, more mistakes, sometimes on it, mostly not, mistakes, jobs lost, sadness, depleting of energy, looking back, looking back, wish it was different. Don't speak about it to anyone at all. Feels very heavy. I understand that the dark days will pass, like a cycle, so I look forward to days ahead.

30-35 Everyday it hangs on, over everything I do, still I push through. I failed My version of success out of fear, but I am kind. Stuck in a cycle of anxiety and depression. I do my best. I am politer, yet not a push over, I am realistic and more mature than ever before. More capable of doing life without externally complaining. No one would ever know, because I never speak about it. Silence is sufferance. It makes no difference to talk to anyone, it is purely something inside of me that cannot be altered by outside influences. I know the dark feelings will pass, but it's very annoying and scary while you're inside of the feeling.

And depression does look really pathetic on the outside. Like an adult child throwing a tantrum. An adult unable to regulate their emotions.

Real problems are the ones inside your own mind.

One day it will be better, even just for a moment, thank god for that.",3.3593814565013247,6.392376644796388,3.9742175360710337,81.42322419533852,81.19457013574659,7.0462562964227775,28.47536924784428,8.15367032801135,2.5362853581490654,1935,89,323,41,53,611,219,442,0.294,0.578,0.128,-0.9985,2,0,2,0,0,1,96.0,0,1,1,11,24,51,4,8,20,1,27,7,0,5,8,70,59,13,2,8,11,0,9,4,1,5,7,3,0,3,29,10,0,2,17,0,0,9,16,33,0,3,3,19,27,18,57,48,14,52,0,17,5,0,15,17,0,8,31,211,56,4,0.19591257079539076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995752680739556,0.0,0.0,0.0913244164628651,0.0,0.0,0.058134574628309274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042978265357357,0.0,0.03980882825404354,0.0,0.055569056034739564,0.0,0.06853271873488831,0.11551249880155222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324420231035146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948106016809937,0.0,0.2812320169209465,0.0,0.0,0.1364579590773672,0.0,0.0,0.057148136978187776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345842434456294,0.05784012926431395,0.0,0.0,0.043132801771631694,0.17721413649078288,0.0,0.0,0.05869119537180264,0.0,0.0,0.07348536969388147,0.2971778469247811,0.046653326573803236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045385540479157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643221693742096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899746246395354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480433223627885,0.05804536485394264,0.07224941090762234,0.06800426488158504,0.07177895023519493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228839660102689,0.12761731488591582,0.0,0.057664796432338315,0.0,0.27419536271056555,0.0,0.07128723796033938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359105409732242,0.19862459709263708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593861603576208,0.0,0.1042503632626199,0.0,0.048006093841306934,0.0,0.050366617408096906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327554282281406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527370296545771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624872905601902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433046542843699,0.04183553649320306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076177372699493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812651276121752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054871228033846,0.19376254198810536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645603210778355,0.0,0.0,0.06827011872496364,0.0,0.0714321848510721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049100623872622526,0.10497806891269963,0.0,0.060123324501465625,0.0,0.0,0.043385202251582204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038079398505984186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044337258510391615,0.07103220643816069,0.0,0.20395189542589973,0.0,0.05640185297810836,0.0,0.16164838853042202,0.07703620678320225,0.051835426572608284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509659594483542,0.06295090903012149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655054897322463,0.04639022309559583,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smoketoash,2018/03/17,"why am i still alive i can't even find words to say anymore. My mind is so fucked. last summer my depression turned to drug abuse and now it is going to kill me. only 21 and drink a 6pack nearly every night,  for the last 10 months.  i thought i would be dead by now.  But im still hiding behind a mask,  pretending i am ok. i don't eat anymore. i either sleep all day or not at all for a few days.  i tried to kill myself, twice,  once by hanging and second time by OD.  woke up in the ER,  moved in and out of the ward, and i've grown so sick of being alive. Things will keep progressing this way until my behaviors kill me or until i cave again.",1.0439130434782626,2.5041208550724683,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,79.57971014492753,5.759420289855073,17.297101449275363,6.42735559955562,-0.4355333333333333,490,8,118,4,12,162,95,138,0.246,0.698,0.056,-0.9878,0,0,2,0,1,4,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,4,0,6,1,10,6,1,0,2,19,16,12,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,6,2,1,2,2,0,4,3,5,1,2,2,1,15,1,20,10,4,26,0,1,0,1,1,6,1,2,15,77,18,0,0.0,0.1777065327657802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29748768288066674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345456422193247,0.0,0.12918101275169666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469272356508289,0.1739338411732592,0.1534710913776466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990630276858522,0.0,0.12636800179211155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370826729512241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865780549298612,0.0,0.0,0.0852393723753305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200847409527416,0.0,0.0,0.1333126843001274,0.4978052734150649,0.0,0.0,0.2445139814179771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144109998932656,0.0,0.11971581021821465,0.15940927236655286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074983832396293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972808152819878,0.0,0.11406960230450222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927330902035865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009233213354747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395548569952562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964271541088436,0.0,0.0,0.11907055490710748,0.087456885560815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182930129566578,0.1631395398385336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905033029983945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353372454415662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654434133917896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mel625_hig,2018/03/17,"May have attempted yesterday? I was hoping to get some opinions. Yesterday I took an excess of prescription sleeping pills and prescription pain pills. When taking them I didn’t think “I want to kill myself” but as they began to kick in I didn’t care if I died. My breathing was labored and I didn’t care if I had a heart attack or was slowly dying. If I fell asleep and never woke up that was okay. Later I began to throw up from the pills and that’s when I started to get a little worried that I had overdosed. Again, I didn’t really care if I died, but I reached out to a friend. They referred to it as a suicide attempt today and I was surprised. It wasn’t my original intention. I didn’t mind if it was a side effect. But when I took them I just wanted to get a buzz and sleep for a long time. I didn’t take enough to kill myself. Now, thinking back, I’m wishing I had taken more and not told anyone. But that wasn’t my thought process at the time.",2.032187407626364,3.654599939698493,3.5622287910138937,90.37262488915171,77.24120603015075,6.290393142181497,23.2636712976648,7.048011613610866,0.7300124741353821,744,23,160,8,17,246,102,199,0.16399999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.153,-0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,4,3,7,11,3,0,10,1,19,9,5,3,1,36,43,22,6,9,12,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,25,0,30,7,19,17,3,29,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,10,18,114,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036848125525763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703057038666034,0.0,0.0993785373366111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395310178390187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023960131950264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354075111168856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985146279598453,0.0,0.2025696437703828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315149377167606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836571460657173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859725706745147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953367714762,0.0,0.1143744319831756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049681165273888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967881312409196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752179343006066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279524889002635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586691565015351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147761612696674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136894179578072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434665908251625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562513838925794,0.0,0.1026031095798633,0.15072321481512194,0.0,0.12250558541773778,0.12349554502451413,0.2871835500205132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245966584401338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862104978757862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312507545382378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakeYouGo,2018/03/17,"I just found my old suicide note I just found a letter that I wrote last year on April 2nd 2017. It was a suicide note that was the result of the worst year of my life because I was severely depressed and feeling bad for a really long time. I thought about killing myself every hour of every day that year, but I didn't do it in the end (obviously lol).
 

Now when I look back on that note, I don't even recognise the person who wrote it. Yes, it was me, and I can remember how it felt, but now I'm in such a completely different place and I realise I haven't had those feelings in a long time. Since maybe October, I've felt a lot better and even though every day can't be a good day, it feels like those thoughts have 90% subsided and I'm so happy that I managed to get through those bad times so that I could be here.
 

I just wanted to share this story because even though all of those ""it gets better"" mantras are really fucking annoying and cliche, it really might just get better. 
 

Even if you think you don't deserve it, keep hanging on and give yourself the chance for it to get better. <3",6.737139393939394,5.148405897777781,6.861939393939394,82.29763636363639,65.57777777777778,10.137373737373736,32.45454545454545,8.841846274778883,2.3441999999999994,857,27,186,11,11,276,119,225,0.122,0.731,0.147,0.8379,1,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,2,0,4,20,15,3,0,12,2,18,2,0,2,2,36,41,16,3,3,7,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,22,7,0,1,11,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,14,6,20,8,17,23,3,28,0,1,1,1,9,7,1,3,21,121,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774287297290723,0.168835532921068,0.12326433838176845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35767372123423113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600580824457477,0.0,0.0,0.08072346012424361,0.0,0.0,0.19561149422273616,0.0,0.08708088134699023,0.0,0.0,0.10563234827748033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954829341099027,0.0,0.0,0.2671134271525366,0.0,0.2555538945479568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336393244707305,0.07222884578176841,0.1941517344608276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217110278182375,0.0,0.09346918444723364,0.21129104272573132,0.09698834134718123,0.0,0.0848013886103746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076272787229496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956725057047698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986603987926774,0.11185679439203282,0.0,0.0,0.08241340019707884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141287173493546,0.049394394960219634,0.0,0.0,0.17894803395824774,0.08490204674244296,0.0,0.0,0.08595515758824036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157273727507232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072555567104304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609182845767663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828026945821907,0.10563234827748033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943097782395996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453132588788956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421894427184635,0.0,0.08363442176935701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211831242216284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478347558740268,0.19866868534929089,0.16053084958725766,0.17686397975073806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963386437785944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953233296132969
suicidewatch,jammin-john,2018/03/17,"Tonight I'm thinking about killing myself. My depression comes and goes, and I could feel it building all through this past week.  Tonight appears to be the culmination, and all day I've been plagued by suicidal and distressing thoughts.  I'd appreciate anyone on here who can offer some words to help me get through the night

Edit: Thanks to everyone who commented and PMed me.  I may not have spoken with all of you, but I can't express how thankful I am for the show of support.  You all helped me feel less alone and allowed me to challenge the thoughts I was having!",5.119444444444447,6.724697055555558,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000003,69.18518518518519,7.992592592592592,34.7962962962963,8.472884824447931,2.76432962962963,454,23,87,7,8,138,77,108,0.14,0.768,0.093,-0.7468,1,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,1,3,7,1,1,4,0,10,0,0,2,4,26,22,8,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,2,13,4,13,15,6,9,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,3,6,60,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283561642399208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541683729057961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992846996682086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603948490947174,0.0,0.0,0.14219470866892242,0.0,0.18990357294140614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068304980987085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296787600630816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151944127214513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295573153374901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439341975441945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069104167810046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047806435188265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24117501404619096,0.25020398321402665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059862836724374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127800834477136,0.0,0.3500812283061872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685992170212547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cdiii8i,2018/03/17,"I really want to kill myself but I don’t want to disappoint family members. Life sucks. I wanna end it. I always think it’s going to get better but I’ve been saying that for years now. I’m a lost cause at this point. 
I hate the fact that my brain plays tricks on me. Sometimes I feel fine with life and sometimes I feel like total shit. I can’t take it anymore and I can’t take my brain playing these tricks on me. 
",-0.2380286006128678,1.9476414382022504,1.7519713993871306,96.91261491317672,89.6741573033708,4.58467824310521,14.832482124616954,6.11248444174946,-0.7144471910112364,324,6,74,3,11,107,59,89,0.258,0.5720000000000001,0.17,-0.9,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,13,6,0,2,0,4,5,3,1,2,14,17,4,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,3,14,5,9,15,1,8,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,4,42,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370487958696885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319622989551754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337306220790973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124253834625539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897620790508528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361033021450533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414102276940505,0.0,0.1868036614649109,0.1319666166627064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651048600408432,0.0,0.10498271058896001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823763667145389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436935613303872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609515621363017,0.09024664750557264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164769150969292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462356275885468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833870406954608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689966541208185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896161781997838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653928380531821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777784001424907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183634598668683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790959651345326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895597797700405
suicidewatch,cosywitch,2018/03/17,"This is it I deserve 2 die. I feel so bad for my family who gave up so much 4 me and loved me deeply. I love you all too even if I do t know how to show it. Pls forgive me. I don't want to hurt you
 I was looking at my baby pictures today I can see how much care you had for me I love you all and I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment if there is a heaven I probably won't make it I'm sorry daddy I know how much that meant 2 u. Mum what can I say ur amazing I'm sorry I don't wanna hurt u anymore your so strong and independent dispute ur disabilities i know i promissed 2 tell u if things got desperate but i am weak.... And my bro I'm sorry I did this to u I'll miss our midnight movie watching atleast ull still havr the cat. Love u all so much. Pls b okay


Took more pills and vodka it's disgustimg.  I'm sorry to all the peopls I've heard and will hurt
We all die alone right? But at least I had thoughts of those that loved me and I loved back I'm just a lil scared lol I hope we can meet again I'll miss u all i.just wish I couldntalk 2 u   or hug u  one last time did forever

2 my bro who'll find me.im so sorry I love u just so sad  miss u ",-2.7904353908025854,-1.1757809248120292,0.4857160342717286,102.59826805385558,104.48872180451129,3.677426123448156,13.704843504109109,5.593185093668076,-1.1724599405490472,878,20,235,8,43,308,137,266,0.14800000000000002,0.604,0.248,0.9883,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,3,5,0,1,18,26,0,1,5,2,17,10,0,5,6,40,51,22,2,7,8,3,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,9,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,11,0,1,11,6,38,15,11,37,12,11,1,8,3,8,28,4,0,5,6,127,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942434180614417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562812946614587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639171979612803,0.07209201927250515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803149150586224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921886738067422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057028120813964724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139561633757465,0.0,0.04365714326596755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891508484229476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905563832270196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857571542507457,0.0,0.0,0.2772929048549064,0.0,0.0932642485235776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235402562943938,0.07038030836906964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250559031187867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454896041826544,0.0,0.05763400005016956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538854149919057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058507619018026265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059858717643233784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930913514285348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373565328732179,0.0,0.0686626770409702,0.08644347136818616,0.0,0.06880344849934171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799172491614322,0.0,0.0,0.06895288608389957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546677206912497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736183261734652,0.0,0.0,0.06854595654154552,0.050346753499111364,0.0,0.08184218361924654,0.0,0.09592921315815682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092678804801686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928911571601716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emersinning,2018/03/17,One year anniversary of last hospitalization I was hospitalized a year ago today for an attempt (was not my last attempt but my last hospitalization) and I wish I could say I'm mentally ok but I'm not. Anniversary effect just makes me feel like I'm back there and I'm /terrified/ of hospitals now ,4.184210526315788,6.464243210526316,5.831438596491227,73.55873684210529,73.03508771929825,10.174035087719297,28.94385964912281,10.355215969177356,3.440729122807017,241,10,45,8,5,82,36,57,0.0,0.8270000000000001,0.173,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,12,10,4,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,6,2,3,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256544121052893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957429492917156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324754614173035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871451450230134,0.1818595937686394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225075585265477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436644258519593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992253226669707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256539257316453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249822625158806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243842080813085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412956080562285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292734461503633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327859975171474
suicidewatch,baka_lord,2018/03/17,"I'm at the edge but I gotta try I want to die so badly. Ive messed up so bad and im a disgrace to everyone i know. The only time im ever ever happy is when im with my girlfriend but thats only once in a while. We have a long distance relationship but every time i have to go back home, due to college, im reminded of the failure i am. I cant pass any class to save my life and if i was just smarter i would be done with it by now. But im not. Im retarted and have no talents. Seems easy to go into the abyss huh? I dont know if im a pussy...i came here to express myself but again i feel like im just wasting my time.",-2.1906000789577567,-0.6293529261744979,1.6872956968022133,98.57640742202923,91.68456375838926,4.5797078562968805,17.489538097118043,5.900188976854957,-0.5675948677457563,470,13,128,4,17,175,89,149,0.209,0.634,0.156,-0.8939,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,8,1,12,1,0,0,2,27,22,14,1,4,10,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,3,1,16,4,15,16,0,20,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,13,76,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663814026351475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505974593914141,0.1630085398435335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164531165632237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013087377040549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989381841395543,0.11440380357634765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765963271101989,0.08224466828923976,0.0932751123389791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935696939369436,0.06973602346476579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095346617453077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391275609123736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791559056341698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8435257674759549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072930683722892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894821099648256,0.047689654302121534,0.0,0.0,0.0863860148948689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039565625432198,0.0,0.14848088868023754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480175011554528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888648360924086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075990220353973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627403289136986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057575730589879685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934274410662808,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LogicalLarynx,2018/03/17,"My Sister's Boyfriend He may well have been the nicest, most intelligent and thoughtful person I had ever met. All that had gotten to know him only had good things to say. When he decided to end his life, it went off with an explosion that rippled through everyone in his life.

I don't know how to prove to you how much you're loved - how much of a positive impression and impact you’ve already left on people. I don't know how to pull you out of what you're going through. I don't know if I or anyone could ever find the exact right words to stop you from choosing a permanent solution to what I can PROMISE you is only a temporary problem. 

If it helps any of you here, I'm going to copy and paste something I wrote a while ago that seemed to get some attention. I need to try something, because there's nothing I can do for my sister and her lost love, and it's killing me. Here it is:

“I'm a random person posting a comment on the Internet. You have no reason to trust me, let alone acknowledge me. I just want you to know one thing: that I am here if you need someone to speak to.

I am not commenting because of some odd obligation I feel to console someone, or that I saw the word suicide and freaked out. I am not going to try to pretend that I know exactly what's going on in your head, or that I know what's best for you, though I have gone through, and have recovered as best as I can from, a bout of suicidal depression. 

I just want to help you as best as I can, in whatever capacity you'll allow, because I don't want people to end up in the place I did, and experience what I've experienced if I can prevent it. I know that I would have loved having a neutral party to confide in; one not obligated to report anything, no matter how bad the thoughts were.

If you want, you can PM me, write to my address, or whatever else you'd feel comfortable with. If you don't want to do this, then that's fine. Just remember this: Your suicidal thoughts may never go away, and the thoughts that led you to them will always linger. The only way I know how to survive is to find something better to think about. To live life more fully than anyone else. To experience life on a deeper level than everyone else. In doing so, you'll begin to appreciate life more than death. The only way to appreciate life is to live it. And, as you begin to pick up hobbies, doing anything from skydiving, to travelling, yoga, or even writing, the thoughts about what you're going to do next, and how much you like where you are now will begin to overpower the suicidal thoughts.  

Although death may always hover above your head, you can do your best to stay out of its shadow.”

He only had two major, incidentally fatal, flaws: He was obsessed with what people thought of him, and he never let himself off the hook when he made even the tiniest mistake. Cut yourself some slack. You will make it through this. There is a solution that doesn't involve death.

To add to what I wrote, please try therapy. Try medication. Try opening up to someone. There are more people out there that want you around than you’ll ever realize. 

From what I was told, the last part of his note said that he hoped we all hated him as much as he hated himself self. He talked about how worthless he thought he was - every insecurity laid bare. None of it was true. No matter how much sense it makes in your head, it isn't true. 

This isn't just some bullshit that people tend to say when someone passes; I mean every word. You have a whole community rooting for your life. Stay here. Please.",5.340440376051461,5.580377191489365,5.934966188355599,81.71372093023257,67.86524822695036,8.941118258287977,30.437902028698662,8.775028230273154,2.2336640277090543,2780,99,562,42,43,904,279,705,0.114,0.74,0.146,0.9291,1,1,3,0,0,1,84.0,1,31,1,7,38,33,4,2,26,0,63,14,3,17,12,133,125,47,9,19,18,2,2,1,0,10,8,4,1,3,40,23,0,2,32,3,0,12,17,14,1,3,30,8,79,19,101,81,23,67,0,3,1,3,77,29,0,22,22,398,119,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667629709835721,0.0,0.0,0.05453565420451801,0.05810711845527096,0.0,0.08762788929087573,0.0,0.0,0.03580783208829038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363648887735054,0.05395221389416025,0.08666267320232822,0.0468749336027534,0.0,0.0,0.04947197132723268,0.0,0.04396549479194106,0.0962956825508284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103656289589274,0.04656988329432252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204146845485544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045352467802244174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196179659486512,0.0,0.09327503421755892,0.0,0.0,0.06955747873181818,0.14289088609637107,0.08872976934352765,0.10062997851998204,0.0,0.10301518969391933,0.0,0.0,0.05324883181966732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962531161327237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027510545552294558,0.0,0.1795534409642522,0.044165288488671656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397364166107233,0.16212049926231906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058830812929999,0.0,0.0,0.052299210878405854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058255975222766314,0.0,0.2604448551551361,0.04292160369872813,0.0,0.0,0.057210812490993725,0.1076884940212376,0.26034704072221426,0.025725023362112763,0.0,0.09299228630343764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748015819294165,0.0,0.14257207421708015,0.04982430583948662,0.07029647260860833,0.0,0.0,0.05735773483720093,0.0,0.053045300960407236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354080387843856,0.0780873967900217,0.08122298518204497,0.0,0.05600016960184425,0.0,0.0,0.050524776563049184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136202994960217,0.20023600432958327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057021231415459575,0.05026603496050448,0.18252492892785185,0.0919542387777108,0.05501423044905194,0.11560077847934135,0.0,0.0,0.05042981710213056,0.0,0.0,0.050384605284417495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054139056860896574,0.0,0.0,0.059648894100890665,0.044967869027640106,0.050087839179135764,0.08374820404002274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047935973074265587,0.05493160967783412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784607647500326,0.12161130210682065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224841188655384,0.0,0.04402270792855145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303881257170552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042322834917861485,0.0,0.0,0.060216634941282834,0.0,0.06996450865556418,0.033739788174487736,0.051734175264690915,0.3344233578970151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031498925999102,0.0,0.17874957046565068,0.0,0.05143718384200948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863469596737431,0.0835916386899373,0.0,0.0,0.047343996912201314,0.04881256652196275,0.0,0.05878845560754204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0374052556731714,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theflowerchild16,2018/03/17,"Everyday I want to die more and more... This week has honestly been the worst week.
I’ve felt left out of everything. I feel like I’m a burden to everybody. I went off on my boyfriend for the stupidest things and he explained to me he doesn’t like the way I’ve been acting lately. I’m left on read in my group chat with my friends and I get so fed up of not having anyone to talk to anymore that I leave the group chat and stupidly make a petty post on Facebook about how I’m tired of people acting like I don’t exist and how I’m gonna cut those people out of my life. I get a text from one of my friends and they’re upset that I was petty and explained that they’re busy 24/7 and that friendship shouldn’t be based on availability and when they can text back making me feel like a complete shit head. All of these things have made me want to freaking swallow every pill I own and lay down and sleep forever, if you get my lingo. 

Idk what to do anymore. I feel like a complete piece of shit and I can’t do anything right. Maybe I am one. All I know is I’m tired of living this way and I don’t see it changing at all... I just wish I could run away. Leave this life behind and go hide for a lifetime... let everyone think I’m dead and then die alone or somethin... idk. 

I’m just super hurt lately...and it’s everyday I get hurt... I’m so sick of this...  ",1.6488735632183908,3.019433858620693,3.0790517241379303,94.50903735632187,77.65517241379311,6.074712643678161,21.393678160919546,6.6274283507984215,0.16826436781609194,1049,27,247,9,24,343,148,290,0.213,0.6779999999999999,0.109,-0.9839,0,1,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,1,1,9,19,4,1,10,0,19,12,4,5,3,44,50,23,3,6,5,0,4,5,2,2,6,0,0,0,15,18,2,0,8,3,0,5,6,10,0,2,7,5,28,9,34,38,8,31,0,2,1,0,13,15,2,2,13,143,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662119748853988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418989993073475,0.07198236399174092,0.0,0.08471593610794842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672132666176524,0.07915925938076518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890341025743352,0.0,0.2158742261460872,0.0,0.0,0.08219414942788031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136837673805992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673659827028443,0.09836948845254398,0.09252139026984887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615804824273422,0.22063431872416747,0.0988444787264682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907192951016122,0.0,0.2151405243511808,0.0,0.05850668756077261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565248258790416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204120337823163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657652928859198,0.0,0.1161277771860129,0.218010284721366,0.2237026556683984,0.10526944579433142,0.14542786549092654,0.2514715222818302,0.0,0.090903364665682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741016643385593,0.13743475159649285,0.0,0.10342327661049763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951799422641362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273984077144122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859398529250174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297404058356073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791547684115998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203477847501316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134555265653732,0.0,0.0,0.1030205283860893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827442414668667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678573775934585,0.06596375656708517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23664298416268306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144065063840465,0.16342777485948098,0.1651544349798942,0.0,0.0,0.09543214198078727,0.0,0.0,0.11838302861841794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vyanka,2018/03/17,"3/19/18 the last day Noose around my neck waiting for the shitload of mirtazapine to kick in so I pass out and just hang there, only note I’ll leave behind is that it wasn’t anything trans related Monday is my last day ",2.91,5.0288472727272815,3.45,89.92000000000002,76.27272727272728,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.9369272727272728,176,6,36,2,4,55,38,44,0.029,0.971,0.0,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,7,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006721986789855,0.3252608955730362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712728351920536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5956581987631537,0.0,0.38687899026623984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778838798840709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tawzer,2018/03/17,"So I guess I’m posting here now I started back at a job that makes me consider driving off the road into a tree every day on my way to work.  I live with my parents still and either have to listen to them fighting and bitching constantly or listen to them fuck loudly in the next room.  I was going to adopt my uncles baby because he’s a meth head but now she’s here and we are fostering her and she makes me want to kill myself.  She stresses me out because I wanted her but now I don’t like her. My parents do all of the caring for her and I feel shitty about that.  I am in my sixth year of college and I’m only at like a 2.5gpa.  50k in debt, but still going full time until I complete my degree.  My car broke down and is a piece of shit so I’m saving up for a new one and I have about 3k in savings but i can’t help but fight the urge to buy a passport and a ticket to Morocco or something and just fuck off and get lost somewhere.  

I can’t fucking live like this anymore what in the fuck is wrong with me.  Why have I gotten myself into this bullshit.  I just want to fucking die and be done with all of this.  ",1.174194823157478,2.6762853485477187,3.182809721398936,92.68376210235131,79.33195020746888,5.25437660541395,21.43469670025686,5.622346879071545,0.024316972930251257,863,24,194,4,21,292,128,241,0.237,0.6829999999999999,0.08,-0.9939,4,0,2,0,3,1,13.0,1,0,2,2,14,20,10,1,13,0,14,7,2,2,2,40,38,22,2,3,10,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,6,19,0,0,1,1,2,4,3,14,0,1,4,4,37,6,36,33,5,38,0,2,0,5,18,18,7,3,17,143,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202761087260944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325601012770683,0.0,0.14786101862380674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365195070465106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715864939409807,0.1310594368787334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821487590546734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258683805966344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411045128317275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218272821160262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132227041353515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5606020769567759,0.06336323468259039,0.0,0.13785122019551793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360241315476787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446716989660292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129070950886297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035062316508276,0.0,0.13417716572310706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775227569480725,0.0,0.2141830320854506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239027725744265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619092534094085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171319451492914,0.12898151663337576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218174086237898,0.09223809037244876,0.0,0.0,0.2693317960257091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615168917564025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449107756415526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933664445246061,0.0,0.0,0.08584185000730657,0.0,0.1937070183667623,0.0,0.13892460315488112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071871866895227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460036326342075,0.09626556859340482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943536949023587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829250457444386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325994699320291,0.0,0.0780996538462668
suicidewatch,KayKnocks,2018/03/17,"I shouldn't be alive About three days ago, I ingested about 3000 mg of hydroxine paomate or 60 50mg pills. I'm so confused because I've felt absolutely fine the entire time, no symptoms at all. Does anyone know if there is something I did wrong? I shouldnt be here",3.7238888888888866,4.982518981481481,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,72.14814814814815,7.622222222222224,28.314814814814817,8.07648339933343,1.7142370370370363,211,8,44,3,4,68,45,54,0.199,0.7609999999999999,0.04,-0.8117,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,8,9,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,4,1,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289806879350649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594998347549526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262348833712656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239345481223709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247747464868469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35633903186203986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396107028497812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857108233719833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38574187654054976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640647709780886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057678743778684,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EnhancedSenses,2018/03/17,"174 days of being a Shut-In. Failed Suicide last night. After being cheated on, abandoned by parents, lied to and used by college friends and failing courses from mental health. I shut myself out.

All my connection to this world is gone. I'm living off savings, now with only 483.36 in my bank account - not even including student debt!  I'll be homeless in the next month with no phone, shelter, wifi or anything. My therapist closed my file so I can't go back. 

This is it. I haven't ate food for 2 days because I tried to keep as much money there as possible. I'm 23, and afraid of everything, scared of everything and I couldn't even kill myself - I just threw up all the pills.

No one fucking cares. They only used me and left when I'm used up. 

I'm going to use a rope this time. For sure. Fuck. I'm so scared.",0.7920121951219485,3.214076371951218,2.142146341463416,94.30956097560976,87.10975609756098,4.743414634146341,21.614634146341466,6.2581,0.3118936585365857,631,22,132,6,20,202,110,164,0.205,0.725,0.07,-0.9721,2,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,2,9,14,4,3,4,0,8,6,0,4,3,23,26,11,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,2,2,0,0,4,4,6,10,0,1,3,0,14,4,24,19,3,26,0,3,0,2,4,11,2,1,11,76,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465112233651527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713094074493183,0.0,0.08493012945213929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204928760939414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797038759116139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404331897038687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042941675238506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847016623652708,0.0,0.10764075856599006,0.2576041063978507,0.0,0.0,0.1583611703112623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809404635000994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383686150423845,0.15414047813883835,0.0,0.0,0.11356700306378505,0.0,0.0,0.15137506424623284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302493795034762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404050162407608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120644886637072,0.0,0.1024185825921568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481718035836947,0.13074538500798824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440900590306396,0.21192314319655026,0.0,0.0,0.15470192559837875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706597408876422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789736562742709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239696752025028,0.0,0.13131046699726984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176497331248035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124047821589267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459130725501924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813220468788563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bren-613,2018/03/17,"By November I've been in deep depression for months. It's getting worse. I'm not functioning or leaving my house. If I'm not better by my birthday in November, I'm going to kill myself. I've fought depression most of my life. I'm tired. I've suffered enough.",0.6625067385444723,3.1452025283018905,2.947762803234504,87.41415094339622,89.75471698113206,6.8021563342318085,24.552560646900268,7.957251820313856,1.8892447439353104,206,9,41,5,7,70,35,53,0.413,0.5870000000000001,0.0,-0.9776,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,8,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,7,6,2,5,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,3,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493023686376417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855703663762567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912602131562244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147272092681772,0.0,0.1602004520336438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252548253070919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311861477481993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984731115059987,0.0,0.0,0.19910210918824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499610658891292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239827326925121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28726258483358724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Krule1803No,2018/03/17,"Please help me Im really thinking about killing myself. I have nothing to live for. No friends, nothing to be passionate about. Honestly I dont see any reason to live. But I dont want to dissapoint my family with killing myself and giving up but on the other hand what shoud I do ? I cant suffer like this anymore. Im in depression but I dont even know why ?? I do NOTHING all days. Im just worthless piece of shit. Everyday when I come from school I just lie in my bed and wait till its another day. Just tell whats that life good for ? And no Im not gonna find friends or hobby just no ...nothing interests me. Noone really cares about me..and im not just saying that . ..so please...just please say me something positive .i dont have anyone to talk to 

P.S. sorry for grammatical mistakes ..Im not native english speaker",0.5964898773880805,3.012200550898207,2.7030453378956385,89.8471656686627,88.40119760479044,6.0552038779583715,22.32363843741089,7.447530270364453,1.1047578557171374,640,24,133,12,21,215,98,167,0.189,0.602,0.209,0.7225,0,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,0,11,15,3,0,1,0,10,4,2,1,1,25,19,10,2,2,12,0,1,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,0,5,17,8,20,17,2,11,0,3,1,1,8,4,1,1,7,78,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228674298186347,0.09604380502241316,0.0,0.0,0.09083617233208624,0.06404432758567156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093385710781392,0.0,0.0,0.07889971801047105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814050224823022,0.0,0.07888937533627975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42938775178785293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604966643827061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863462308334025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837148293560469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152987201701972,0.0,0.0,0.08786486247529758,0.0,0.0768243094424398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139321413166584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5936203958298283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266934601968506,0.0,0.05033741008887492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469522075333985,0.04474797341563532,0.0,0.1617575345526769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35154585893267104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108438734554648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173543246228132,0.0941734063000673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456777066919778,0.0,0.09269754484395544,0.07298818675466891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401944488557716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051317618019419,0.0,0.10253146077034556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361941192901011,0.08005678456082076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058689437246720835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402423858012959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264891662631517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AMFSadBoi,2018/03/17,"Incoherent mumbling So writing this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am sure once I start, itll all flow out in an incoherent manner. So here goes nothing.


So a few days ago, I asked a girl to prom, now I am crazy about her, I don’t know why, I just don’t get it, and she rejected me, she was already going with someone else, and they were “kinda already dating”, no heads up of course. No big deal I guess, I am not much of a dancer and I can’t imagine myself wearing a tux. She kept asking if I was going to prom, who I was going with, she kept telling me that I made her laugh and all that, I thought she wanted me to ask her. Im a fucking idiot.


Today I missed school because I am sick, again no biggie, on her snapchat story it shows her sitting next to her boyfriend with that hearts filter in the video, and for some reason, I just lost it. I finally managed to actually get up after about an hour and a half of laying in bed and *being a bitch* about it all.


I had been thinking about how I got rejected, and it was sad and all, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it, and I guess seeing that set me off, idk.


It all really started going down hill when she wanted to switch her fourth class, I convinced her to join the class I was in, thinking maybe I could talk to her more, she switches in, immediately becomes infatuated with her new friend.


I caused my own rejection. Typical of me.


Can’t really blame her for not being interested in me, were good friends and we talk all the time, but I guess she was interested in just being friends, and I guess I got too optimistic. I don’t drive, my parents basically decided I wasn’t to learn how to until like a month ago (way too late).


I’ve never been good with girls, just haven’t, *throw enough shit at the wall and some of it is bound to stick*?


I like to think I am a decent person, I play by the rules, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke anymore (I only did it like a few times), I get good grades and the occasional bad one, I tend to stay by myself because I just don’t like other people, so why the fuck, does the bad shit always happen to me?


It all just seems to bt hitting me at once, that I am just a textbook loser. I can’t get a girlfriend, I don't drive, I dont work, Im not that intelligent, and my future is as bright as a dusty lampshade, I can’t blame her for not wanting to be with me, I'm just a piece of shit.


I got like 8 weeks of school left, the rational side of me just says to finish it out, but now everyday is a massive struggle. Since her degenerate of a boyfriend is not even a foot away from where I sit, I spend the entire class resisting the urge to knock his ass out, I can’t stand the rest of my classes either, the only reason I came to school was for my lunch period and my fourth class, which she is in, and now that’s just being hijacked from me.


I guess it just seems like anything that could go wrong, is going wrong, and I just don’t see a way out, I don’t have the willpower to keep going on, but I don’t have the strength to end it for me. I keep telling myself just to move on and all that, but she is just an integral part of my life at this point. I’ve probably dreamt up a thousand scenarios that I could end it, not one has seemed easy enough for me.


The whole, “it’ll get better, I promise!’, is nice and all, but I don’t want that, it doesn’t give me a clear path out of my issues, I don’t want comforting words, I want a path out, because at this rate, I won’t make it, and I just feel like a waste of air, space, biomass and resources, I don’t WANT to die, but I don’t want to keep feeling like this even more.


I just want to know, how to move forward. Am I just being a massive bitch about all of this?

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suicidewatch,purechaos700,2018/03/17,"So sick of life. I just can’t stand it anymore. I’m in the military and I feel like I have no friends. I had issues before joining, but I thought that joining would be a big step in my life. The stagnancy remains though I have a friend would said he would talk to me today out drinking and everyone else is at a party no one told me about. I want to embrace the loneliness, but also want to make a change. I have no one in my life who can see the pain or cares enough to help. People only see a uniform when they look at me back home and telling anyone at my command about my thoughts will get me kicked out with debt. I don’t care anyone and just wish I could die in my sleep.",2.320037878787879,3.416845625000004,3.3640656565656566,94.26022727272728,75.3888888888889,6.347474747474747,24.202020202020197,6.574015621080383,0.4992861111111106,526,16,123,4,11,169,91,144,0.158,0.644,0.198,0.6862,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,9,0,14,7,1,1,0,23,30,11,1,7,5,0,1,1,2,4,5,1,1,0,3,7,1,0,3,1,1,1,5,1,0,2,5,5,20,5,17,19,1,15,0,0,3,0,10,10,0,1,4,83,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330696379556045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405153337033574,0.19814155157502095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894848130462882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056511728996105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28891847766547435,0.0,0.1498859545839226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312546153595313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470486340933653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879922252693558,0.0,0.0,0.11836122518680793,0.0,0.0,0.14640044435970995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538790607005166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164115452245236,0.10122115061341093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189338969806,0.0,0.07402555802852212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496974332311756,0.0,0.1421235144677889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788431356548112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002329457454519,0.06922106310313915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898131235087366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457710684793973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920214224405596,0.10775927311018137,0.15076485267382095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982278573306855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347766891292763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258122321742204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178922590566992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388256427660727,0.12384059685667692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920666116323865,0.2249671461352928,0.0,0.0,0.13430261543686506,0.13538790607005166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714121075916888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162932944056233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019509285058624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cosg,2018/03/17,"called 911 on suicidal friend so my friend has been extremely depressed over the past few months over a relationship incident and it must have triggered something, because he has been getting progressively worse. he has been hiding it from everyone except me and one other person. 

today he texted me that he wanted to die and i was trying to snap him out of it but he disregarded everything i said and was threatening his life. the things he was saying was scaring me a lot and i was extremely worried about him. i couldn't let this happen.

i called the police and they went to his house and talked to him. he is now pissed at me and said i made things WORSE. he's also mad that he has to go through a bunch of proffessional shit now.

what were my options? i cant just let him say that shit and not do anything. did i do the right thing?",3.02418181818182,5.17138911515152,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,76.03030303030303,7.066666666666667,23.72727272727273,8.021203637495839,1.2492909090909086,664,21,134,11,15,210,100,165,0.271,0.7070000000000001,0.022,-0.9941,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,4,1,7,0,23,4,3,2,1,22,31,12,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,12,10,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,14,4,21,2,16,13,3,13,0,1,0,0,27,6,3,2,5,99,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120100862737686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115261721606043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538244316654113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28604444975975546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063794768400615,0.0,0.14536555953397667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338382967060454,0.12588156630056785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164280452638006,0.0,0.07317828369489418,0.0,0.07960227843234324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385918984868788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161643014665714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28645230430571234,0.09893218983390027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907842047419795,0.0,0.13253307466012865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179870278469936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094911801417547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370807785563762,0.0,0.1222995261840984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037760207998802,0.0,0.11961491169283735,0.26646815114208594,0.2227709306065545,0.14022969531221013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875498208735197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782903049743586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320859042589424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257909860435764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279159276571147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327654279839192,0.0,0.0,0.09509507365465428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261408129696167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984183952404954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224300500308773,0.28547680073106874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saduser7,2018/03/17,"I'm lost I don't even know what to type. My mind keeps going in circles. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. I don't know what to do.  
  
Who ever I am, I'm someone who pushes people away. I lost my close friend since grade school 2 years ago. Last year I lost another close friend and right now I'm in the process of losing my best friend and I don't now how to stop myself from pushing them away.  
  
I honestly don't know what I'll do if I lose this person too. I don't want to lose them. I can't. This is the end.  
  
Last time I went to the ER to stop myself. I don't know if I want to this time. I don't see a point. I'm 30. I've done nothing noteworthy. I've got no positives. Nothing I like about myself. I pushed away everyone I care about. What's the point of living any further? It's just torture at this point.  
  
I just want out. I tried getting help before. It was a massive failure. I don't know how to get proper help. I need someone to help me, but no one cares to. I tried asking people to help me, but they always say the right things, but never do help. I don't know how to find a therapist. I don't know what type I need. Online doesn't help. People here will try to help, but it's just links and more links. I can Google links to doctors, but it doesn't help. I need local help, but I'll never get it. I need someone to get me to a local Dr., but that's not possible.  
  
So I just want out. I keep wishing I was born in the US because I'd have easier access to a gun. I fail at everything in life so I figure I'll fail at suicide too. At least with a gun I'd be more confident in doing it. Just give me a gun and let me done.  
  
I'm ready to checkout. I can't do this anymore.",-0.998811232063332,0.8633341436170241,1.6601261751608118,98.7346511627907,89.2127659574468,4.6678871845620975,16.190994557149924,6.0184958892216835,-0.6814029440870857,1282,28,322,11,43,441,152,376,0.145,0.685,0.17,0.9249,0,1,0,3,0,1,50.0,1,0,3,10,22,19,1,0,13,0,30,3,0,3,3,57,70,18,1,11,15,0,1,2,3,1,3,1,0,1,20,9,0,4,13,0,0,5,19,10,1,1,9,3,51,9,38,58,4,45,0,9,1,0,22,24,0,2,18,192,71,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304540200211367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917923925390401,0.0,0.0,0.04836542976134898,0.07457766586345345,0.0,0.0,0.07053395798840449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664895116930212,0.0,0.20046450858709175,0.0,0.0,0.043355338754285856,0.0,0.0605196222623637,0.0,0.07463819878198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450273306737586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279642718179734,0.0,0.14556509101345766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629930220965823,0.0,0.0,0.04697544022890465,0.06433396189219855,0.0,0.06796016226273892,0.0639199084434246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0359614431403988,0.05080960345563839,0.0,0.0,0.0650042610252097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648461475862938,0.0,0.14863333310155952,0.06822674667347732,0.040420297417767516,0.0,0.05688279684121366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290444706822807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643308365164868,0.0,0.0,0.273607713107012,0.11594791909304923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272711010327862,0.05023560400568262,0.06949327775339945,0.0,0.06280206911809867,0.0,0.0,0.3182695060208293,0.23291434233415045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181299125348839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094438196549864,0.10970741191879964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648704149655086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481941386264967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479212135711852,0.062101026751575424,0.0,0.0,0.20169996478273505,0.08017941992220443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147567636104308,0.0,0.05655910514422645,0.0,0.07197930698520033,0.0566750619938347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588328909225801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078443484219367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892242920335877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779597410939684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257817645848341,0.04725032669981924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294367326014919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486160079020566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555106360827934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779850037870414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593084864138395,0.0,0.0,0.08178684224777105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160053083936168
suicidewatch,sonicfan666,2018/03/17,"I really want to die but I can’t I’ve been depressed from September, I think it was caused from Xanax abuse at the same time my sister went into hospital for 3 months. She’s recovered from her coma but as she suffered a brain injury she’s just not the same anymore. I really want to kill myself but I can’t hurt my mum like that. I can’t tell her how I feel as she is stressed enough having to care for my sister and being financially unstable. I feel if I tell her it will be too much stress for her and she’ll have another stroke so it would be selfish of me to burden her with anything more. I feel really hopeless and I can’t get these thoughts out my head. I just feel numb. I’ve been taking 100 mg of sertraline daily since the start of the year but the feelings just won’t go away. Ive been referred to a psychiatrist but still have yet to hear back from them so I can start counselling. I have 3 friends that I think genuinely care for me, and they all know what’s been going on with me but they all have their own lives so I can’t expect them to always be there for me and all my other ‘friends’ are fake. I just don’t know where to go from here. I really feel like I’m going to brake. Sorry if this post is messy I can’t think properly right now",2.024640434192669,3.4468550597014933,3.4265807327001383,92.19284260515605,76.76119402985073,6.962279511533242,20.763907734056986,7.686295010490155,0.5037776119402988,988,23,228,14,22,324,139,268,0.228,0.696,0.076,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,1,3,14.0,0,0,5,0,16,17,1,2,7,0,30,6,2,2,3,47,57,19,2,6,13,3,7,2,2,4,4,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,13,0,0,5,9,11,0,0,7,8,45,6,31,42,9,22,0,4,0,0,23,7,0,2,11,159,54,0,0.0,0.14009193022413574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838295035959604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398217501747714,0.0,0.0,0.11725968388451782,0.0,0.0,0.09729926790079987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110878862578124,0.0909172269017202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199199055120245,0.0,0.0,0.2411017251040423,0.12146233257891037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183765978117568,0.0,0.12271170622445852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217079356202927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587061530306399,0.08446878935229071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269977286427172,0.0,0.06177413741993721,0.0,0.26878805233103714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134563672419335,0.0,0.13326209123407687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657553294470175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081211392565306,0.0,0.12996031521468773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552959757060903,0.0,0.10440574982751608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437592794588323,0.0,0.08691805978492917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323870134845365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30298350655824285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009740543136371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780716109435092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235703761486795,0.16737801550999376,0.0,0.09442450367107333,0.0,0.2708809791447669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889977541904791,0.0,0.20668931790946565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272851667643361,0.0,0.0938672518684566,0.06894515198129626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947890967594398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960721176596418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839924239157682,0.0,0.0,0.07614097943889214
suicidewatch,HappinessDoesntExist,2018/03/17,"My cowardness is driving me insane. Every week when I get the opportunity to go through with my plan I just...don't. And I feel like I am going crazy.

I *need* to get away from this world. I cannot continue pointlessly suffering. I just need to find a way to help me with my goal...",-0.4975438596491202,1.7059055614035117,1.9922807017543889,92.05929824561404,98.64912280701756,6.042105263157895,18.614035087719298,7.3871296695380915,0.7204245614035081,215,7,48,5,9,73,41,57,0.128,0.7290000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.2129,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,2,9,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,30,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010697064346153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26998970216456597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620272018057685,0.2289267936394195,0.0,0.0,0.29288197579408104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348397749707679,0.0,0.36423386354039256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147882996781452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655380256479756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752135198395424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543552383864104,0.2570425725737457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SouthernStick,2018/03/17,"Help me with possibly suicidal co-worker. One of the guys I work with (lets call him Dave) has a dysfunctional marriage. Dave is 26, his wife (Star) is 24 they have been together approximately 5 years. In November Dave caught Star having sex with a guy in a car in the parking lot of his apartment. Since then his life has been in a spiral. Star has started dating the other guy and moved out. She took his son away. The car Dave drove belonged to Star's mother, so he has no vehicle. She continues telling him she wants him back, but then still treating him badly and sleeping with the other guy.

Through all of this Dave wants to stay with his wife.  Even if Dave wanted to he cannot afford a divorce, so for now he remains married.

Today Dave told me that he threatened suicide to his ""ex"" wife. He said it just popped out and he thinks he might have said it to gauge her reaction.

I personally don't think it was serious, but he repeatedly tells me how all he thinks about is her and how much he wants her back. I wouldn't be surprised if he has seriously considered it.  

I'm not really sure what to do. I have been encouraging to think about his son, join a club, try to meet people, set some goals, try to move on, work out, etc.

In my opinion what he needs is a good ""real"" friend. Dave doesn't really have any close friends or hobbies outside of an anime Facebook group he moderates. 

Currently I drive him to and from work every day. I like the guy a lot, but I have a family of my own, and don't have a lot of time to spend with him outside of work. I want to help him without having to get completely involved with his life.

What should I do?


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suicidewatch,FappinPlatypus,2018/03/17,"I don’t know where to turn anymore I’m not ready to face death...but giving in seems so much easier than fighting this sadness and anger anymore. I really don’t want to die but I’m not seeing another solution anymore. Someone, just someone listen",1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,85.25,6.533333333333335,26.75,7.793537801064563,2.190725000000001,198,9,34,4,6,66,35,48,0.256,0.643,0.101,-0.7722,0,0,0,0,2,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,11,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,5,11,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013357853491346,0.0,0.0,0.6813395757517408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376728843452729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968417274541996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585613841517584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834633472532948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670760868776325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248875575143106,0.2084791735600443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880734066912471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490936180070541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507413346277786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DE4D-B4RT,2018/03/18,"Have attempted three times in 2018 alone, and each time I just get worse. I always hear people saying that once they've attempted, they realize that everything they are having problems with is trivial, regret attempting, and they get a new will to live. But it seems with me, every time I attempt I just get more and more furious that it doesn't work. I've been in and out of inpatient for around 6 months now, only spending two or three days at home before I get sent back. And the only """"""""help"""""""" I get there is being put in an empty room with nothing to do, no stimuli whatsoever (no paper, pencil, tv, internet, or other human beings besides occasionally hearing one scream obscenities from another room, not even any pictures on the walls) given nothing to eat other than protein shakes (because I'm underweight, I WONDER WHY) which the staff forced me to drink while they watched (causing me to only weigh 94 lbs now, which is not normal for a late-teens male) and basically they just made my quality of life even worse than it was before. I am on 4 medications, see two therapists (one for CBT, one for regular counseling) a week, and attend a therapeutic school chock full of social workers. I also give myself constant self-care and am basically as spoiled as a person can get. When out of the hospital, I excercise every day, get around 10 hours of sleep, and eat organic, balanced meals without gluten, or red meat. I do not and have never done drugs, drank alcohol, or smoked. There is absolutely no reason for me to be still feeling this way. But I still want to die and take the rest of the world with me. But I don't know any foolproof ways to gain that because there's always a risk of failure, as I learned with my past experiences. It just seems like no matter how hard I try to ensure I will not live, people still manage to keep me alive. I tried by cop and just got shot in the leg. Tried cutting wrist to shoulder and not only did they save me, the fuckers managed to keep my damn arm on too. I'm incredibly angry at the world for not letting me die and want to die 3x more than I did before the attempts. Lately I've been hitting people and just being so out of control that it makes me even more angry. I reached my limit for anger months ago, now I'm just totally wild. Any advice/attention is much appreciated. Just don't tell me to call a fucking hotline because every time I try, they track me, send police cars to my house (hence the attempt by-cop), arrest me, and force me back into the involuntary residential hospital.",9.499605442176872,6.978560334693878,9.259387755102043,70.23656462585036,60.95918367346938,12.108843537414966,37.82312925170068,10.398101306919678,3.745761904761904,2004,71,375,34,21,654,259,490,0.135,0.8059999999999999,0.059,-0.9907,0,1,4,0,0,2,74.0,0,0,7,11,29,13,6,2,20,0,30,17,5,6,2,75,62,31,3,5,22,0,2,1,0,2,4,4,3,3,15,28,7,4,8,2,1,6,15,11,0,7,11,9,46,2,59,43,9,55,0,1,3,2,20,21,3,7,27,248,61,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556845067559726,0.07904963645254395,0.0,0.07660886949183936,0.0,0.05915243696543961,0.12309513166111248,0.0,0.0,0.15090297761626234,0.0775622305573542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316949699491996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375414108669182,0.0,0.13527119981908733,0.0,0.1888247710950848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552992255702916,0.0,0.0,0.07598583782056949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993347374088662,0.08296175798900278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954068913804538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303023071403472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569527029016908,0.0,0.07246079134368506,0.08577976518126976,0.1513761104990957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656612874845992,0.0,0.18696449374718,0.0,0.06647795447193541,0.07235520814825704,0.0,0.0,0.037400603944051015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838251783268919,0.27051775159292113,0.07095715043368885,0.0,0.0,0.05915922082387695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626108382868792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673533987277786,0.0,0.049579404189849116,0.0,0.07419625369214973,0.0,0.07284389318204848,0.08534950748509823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314928788763827,0.0,0.0,0.0406510529863148,0.0,0.16687896846735167,0.0,0.0,0.07563761638676969,0.05224601031642253,0.03613718375930562,0.0,0.1306307594376969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999061071614507,0.04937442645882285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451529825224902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180816110278913,0.0,0.05437522443598242,0.0,0.05704892663626825,0.071439062190333,0.0,0.0,0.07247324641545222,0.1419491915988537,0.0,0.0,0.0787738443187448,0.15036853922884347,0.22502495509782064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061112896382014,0.1538409541046558,0.06458628195166563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077769042902587,0.0,0.07435858950606977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605175003335878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058822575130551134,0.0,0.07485988652375555,0.058943172521202736,0.13467595681309366,0.07716508728407663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402173676541708,0.07540138487682325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721358226617165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561496946296685,0.0,0.06465156998244466,0.0,0.0,0.08588291799324728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252608362553118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008785293257329,0.0,0.14451259681244633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725686050151117,0.11742521534610778,0.05933292278363835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674490171635578,0.0,0.0,0.07130281872708143,0.08021548530205244,0.05384981626655854,0.0,0.15076007011606554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoyJoy12,2018/03/18,"Scared, tired, lonely and suicidal I've been contemplating this for a long time now. I think I'm ready or almost ready to do it. I'm so tired of everything, of the pain, sadness and being alone. I'm home alone at home for 3 days and I think if I am to do it now is the best time. The only thing holding me back is how I'd hurt my family and friends. I think I'm ready to call it quits.",0.15616279069767458,1.6845175813953546,2.460639534883722,96.56793604651165,82.48837209302326,6.16046511627907,17.726744186046513,7.1686216300943375,-0.16248372093023233,296,6,76,4,8,101,52,86,0.284,0.5720000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.926,0,4,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,4,0,7,3,0,1,0,12,14,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,8,12,1,8,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,7,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561368177534428,0.3632731889278826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485328089431206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404624058355312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907845402738118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310297980955568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576165963197974,0.0,0.16532883840398355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354950245899245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35183275597247393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774358259948376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520219774529165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338131336647438,0.18661237663116054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865339111843152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558192138552306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191832825564186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651198899972873,0.33712148380761553,0.0,0.0,0.2045262545564699,0.4031377133211633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kitty_from_saturn,2018/03/18,"Nothing helps I talk to people, i take medication, i try doing happy things. Nothing works. I always come back to wanting to die at some point or another. I don't know what else to do but end it",1.3502500000000026,3.436905525,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,81.25,6.0,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8514999999999997,151,5,31,2,4,52,31,40,0.108,0.8290000000000001,0.063,-0.1759,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,20,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402597851723928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711349867207073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885436055220727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121802220536706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544788080298017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483307232464,0.0,0.21717435261159476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610198775394592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435233981444786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475546516530792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470131261124749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705518784515262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999075307944056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317931828825453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435982661161315,0.1970824101234945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289993351940385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647465239169235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446252675140294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850846428281664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicideItsPainless,2018/03/18,"I don't really know what to do now. Today I decided to kill myself. This thought isn't new to me. I tried to kill myself when I was 12 or 13 years old but I couldn't do it. And now I'm 17 and I still want to die. I don't have friends, my parents don't really care about me and everyone in my class say to kill myself.
I can't do anything right, always doing mistakes.
I'm a stupid virgin addicted to pornography. I think that I can't live  my life like this. 
I hope that you guys help me in one thing. I want to leave a note to my family. I don't want to make them sad, I just want to say things like: don't be sad, and things like that.
I don't really know you guys, but you guys are the most closes to being real friends. Love you all.",-0.988258373205742,0.8905756606060642,1.6707814992025547,98.55143540669859,89.36363636363637,5.413078149920256,14.74481658692185,6.8360192770164,-0.5525757575757573,564,10,144,8,19,194,83,165,0.241,0.603,0.156,-0.9639,1,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,4,1,0,6,15,4,0,3,0,19,4,0,1,1,25,33,8,4,7,4,1,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,3,10,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,2,2,30,8,15,28,2,12,0,2,0,2,15,4,0,3,11,92,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831372516006374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557111608502448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440825640010233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935868520015292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167740686229734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123559325618412,0.0,0.0,0.11960753737523094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960483890680592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768819915713206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850424052441459,0.0,0.0,0.12601663939369276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.421108966973328,0.0,0.1394556218717622,0.0,0.0,0.13434351758825722,0.0,0.0,0.08961637305493714,0.18595582636732702,0.0,0.11203396009875448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451067401377606,0.0,0.08469081168321459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225377710024177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331351708195262,0.0,0.08597455911398863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408809437212179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441282919818468,0.2438403211059133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835153418918386,0.0,0.2017940051317011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132345291429247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528726182342506,0.0812971103806758,0.0,0.10072548655398704,0.0,0.0,0.12026374977629695,0.0,0.0,0.08614057376704336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993393491655029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170407727955183
suicidewatch,Machine-head,2018/03/18,"Tried to CBT last night I had it all planned out and I was at the most beautiful forest ever. Trees everywhere all around me. I had my noose. I had my alcohol.

I sat there on top of this beautiful wooden platform that you have to climb up some stairs to get too. Know-one really knows about this place so I was alone. I fucked up though, I was trying to top my phone up to get music as I needed it before I went ahead with it and my mp3 had fucking dies. At some point I accidentally pocket dialed mum out of all people. It wasn't me who did it, it has to be some higher power.

She wouldn't stop calling me back. I answered, I told her where I was. She and my little brother picked me up, my brother drove me in my car back home. 

I've just woken up, I need a shower and now I'm going to have to deal with the shitshow of what I've done because I attempted this shit last year but wasn't smart about it like I thought I was this time and that got me sent me to the mental ward.

I'm still and have been for ages wanted to die, it's like I need too. I can't do life anymore. Not even for the people who love me.

What a fucking failure and heartless bitch. I just want to be gone already but no shit this higher power whatever it is keeps interfering with my life saving it!",1.1093726937269397,2.84115627675277,2.8759763837638377,93.75048118081185,80.32841328413285,5.6644132841328405,19.327084870848708,6.55674776486733,-0.058234656826568365,985,23,227,9,25,327,146,271,0.145,0.773,0.08199999999999999,-0.9705,3,1,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,0,8,17,12,7,0,6,0,24,9,2,1,4,39,49,12,2,6,5,3,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,21,13,1,2,3,0,0,7,6,7,0,0,23,0,41,5,35,23,7,40,0,0,0,4,15,20,6,4,15,159,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361255718080887,0.0,0.13192250632813973,0.14056192804395454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632217607877602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339111660144095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958876497839427,0.0,0.07764686531520369,0.0,0.10838708896648223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006453107306318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313184506747914,0.0,0.0,0.2643911231396345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034926425756502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413025443644101,0.11521834721550127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35326953137500755,0.13309678494376578,0.0,0.07239037866559432,0.0,0.1018737482392568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776791789454028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132171135061767,0.0,0.0,0.14000438409821253,0.20765591311418694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179938032562209,0.12445837890026487,0.1276636196524673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496127709152015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836445035408728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833417490110397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953318999732195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661213708908216,0.0,0.1330801889225624,0.0,0.12041093015346475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159994679439161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614980478975865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172216386525017,0.10649154300976636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251456897930064,0.1011218444886459,0.07427362363467191,0.0,0.0,0.12171265910112708,0.0,0.17295907922896786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025862942554474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807827759317305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202558537478824
suicidewatch,windlep7,2018/03/18,"I just want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok I’m so alone.  I realized I was transgender a couple of years ago.  I kept it a secret from everyone but it blew my world apart.  I still haven’t told anyone about it, but the dysphoria seems to be getting worse.

I also have Aspergers and have trouble making friends, though I do have a couple.  But one of the things that helped keep me going was my friendly co-workers in the supermarket I used to work in.  I got a new job in IT but the people aren’t as warm and friendly and I don’t feel like I fit in.

I discovered recently that my parents are likely narcissists, and my upbringing explains a lot about my low self-esteem and ability to deal with stress, etc.  They will probably disown me when they find out I’m trans, and it will probably kill me.  Even though I’m not physically dependent on them, I still am tied to them emotionally.

I just cant see any way out.  Either I keep going the way I am and continue to get worse and kill myself.  Or I attempt to transition and end up killing myself from the fall out of losing my family, abuse, etc.  Either way I lose.

I just need someone to talk to me, to tell me I can do this.  I don’t know if it will help but I’m kind of having an emotional breakdown of sorts.

",2.809465648854964,4.023729526717561,4.606786259541988,85.3667442748092,74.34351145038167,8.293435114503817,25.31374045801527,8.841846274778883,1.730587175572519,984,32,212,20,20,335,140,262,0.181,0.7040000000000001,0.115,-0.9777,3,1,0,0,1,3,27.0,0,0,4,4,13,16,3,1,12,1,22,0,0,3,0,43,45,22,3,3,13,1,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,3,7,0,0,4,6,8,0,1,5,3,39,8,31,35,5,29,0,3,1,0,17,13,0,6,11,149,50,2,0.0,0.11737626297660862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781547235663806,0.0,0.0,0.102601845732458,0.0,0.07922253979839095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736784801661297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926880938972825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192278930913051,0.0,0.0,0.10213204549378982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287041258292065,0.08774251277512758,0.0,0.2209681463664824,0.0654317419171025,0.0,0.0,0.09466120543312743,0.0,0.0,0.09339001330163962,0.0,0.05009042714795644,0.07077231940817452,0.0,0.0,0.09054395254600177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296129750426071,0.0,0.10351513306091203,0.0,0.16890339649597524,0.0,0.0792316253834084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280285726539692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983070926958232,0.17610770349285151,0.3288034591306865,0.10316133722434563,0.05444373601947152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967966706171724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216576159431576,0.0,0.08422183411312963,0.0,0.0,0.06612690306305033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345571586115948,0.0,0.0956779506960981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712925786665955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000036867907864,0.0,0.0,0.06867945337174243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213618446283947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978151005528561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894227305685958,0.0901853913030276,0.10334678522172767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678755313497495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822746330355267,0.0,0.11347904548316227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962499107314211,0.17317499797870298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658146292414946,0.0,0.19466244412133665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466120543312743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556067160323348,0.0,0.0,0.0584313213317182,0.2359004363977479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424153699047074,0.0,0.2019121488055746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379484965063477
suicidewatch,rainbowtoaststudios,2018/03/18,"I’m in a rough patch I have persistent depression and anxiety. Persistent depression is continuous but not severe. Sometimes it flairs up though and I get into major depressive episodes. Im very afraid that I am starting another one of those. I once had an episode last almost a year and all that got me out of it was beginning to take medication. Im so afraid of that happening again. I cant live with that kind of pain. The past few days have been really rough. Ive been depending on weed and still taking my medicine regularly, maybe not as much as I should (supposed to be taking twice a day but only take it religiously in the morning). I didnt wake up crying this morning at least. That’s the worst kind of day. Today im just dull. I cant go anywhere or really do much. Ive wanted to hurt myself again. At this point I do not want to live. ",2.285504385964913,4.3656529415204695,4.035434941520466,85.16613486842105,78.06432748538012,8.017690058479532,24.137792397660817,8.841846274778883,1.8280318713450283,667,23,138,16,16,224,107,171,0.17,0.795,0.035,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,0,2,7,0,17,3,1,1,1,20,30,11,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,2,6,2,14,2,21,22,7,24,0,5,0,0,0,10,0,3,13,92,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534124028006705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125329868939575,0.0957559037961414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749508537230729,0.2421759106474943,0.0,0.32343025378938955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539697588718575,0.0,0.07113788436074259,0.0,0.10011113431409698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068880059708423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399874804598705,0.0,0.4056203057749917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26069384382592714,0.0,0.10203153102832414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105756839754695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575166016849645,0.0,0.0,0.126097181942178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840310038252821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330363042659854,0.0848194911839092,0.09519861481479044,0.1331913692720301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949042122802865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832758693798308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037621810814218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140823857075116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237978773545035,0.0,0.08859707720353623,0.0,0.0999621726444973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764537531254525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298042602961932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186480066779983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032796492681789,0.14765886297757938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060638325942646
suicidewatch,Drowning1130,2018/03/18,"Didn't really work. Made a post yesterday, didn't exactly work out as planned. I think it's real strange every other time I've considered killing myself im an emotional wreck but with finally making up my mind I've never been so calm. I'm finally in control of something in my life. Woke up this morning and spent like 4 hours writing a letter, mostly to the girl I love who finally got fed up with my problems and left, kinda hard to write an honest note without making someone feel bad, at the end of the day her happiness is so much more important than mine. I sorta asked her for help today, she said she's going to come by later.. is it a bad idea to tell her my intentions and explain? Idk what to do anymore but I know this is what I want. I just need her to be ok ",3.681852272727273,4.4350061625000015,5.275227272727276,83.14886363636367,71.75,8.568181818181818,28.29545454545455,8.841846274778883,2.1160000000000005,606,22,125,11,11,206,111,160,0.121,0.687,0.191,0.9399,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,4,3,10,1,0,8,1,8,3,0,5,2,33,27,8,1,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,7,1,1,5,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,9,3,18,6,22,17,3,22,0,0,0,1,17,8,0,3,12,76,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141905976295079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376902897937987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389469077913973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325862292776753,0.0,0.0,0.1604866360590164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228065692946537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095602165618142,0.12673450569529282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055877065647265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235016782493901,0.0,0.0,0.4702414715912969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132085495824176,0.0,0.1144414555819208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232104877398447,0.12817976261665326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590963341560248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091397841134154,0.0,0.0,0.16153022061230768,0.15456082391006434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583069314439268,0.0,0.07863804847162585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546676776468574,0.0,0.10106809024344428,0.06990612540956823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291435341616333,0.13539440269623054,0.1910262222449565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447923986020392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518698092007173,0.10609878319779396,0.11035916485576346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703984128990873,0.0,0.0,0.13691698103223066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286676592865235,0.09166656619549934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611053789392474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123896279601508,0.11015700959894854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250662140475857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168574233023737,0.0,0.0,0.08343642741143552,0.0,0.1356317724212579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439768125944645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379328234649031,0.0,0.20834119417193805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quivitch,2018/03/18,"..Video games are making me want to die. I’ll be honest I don’t wanna explain anything but I feel like I should at least put something.

    I have played video games for nearly 8 year. Recently to now I am sucking at them. I used to be very good not too long ago and was even a top 1000 widowmaker on overwatch. But now no matter what I do my aim suck, virtually everyone attacks me and no one else, and fell from diamond to almost gold in less than half a season. Idk what the heck to do and literally just want to kill myself and get it over with.

   As well as ever little detail and irritation makes me psychotic. My headphones are broke and that alone irritates me. My parents are so clueless that I could tell them straight “I’m gonna shoot myself” and they would think I’m joking and would just ignore me.

Hotlines don’t understand nor can help me. Literally only reason I’m on reddit rn.",2.036916354556801,4.330233415730337,3.6464419475655454,86.53260923845195,80.0112359550562,6.427465667915107,22.24843945068665,7.594959193182576,1.005332334581773,700,22,140,11,18,232,121,178,0.24,0.623,0.13699999999999998,-0.9801,1,1,1,1,0,2,16.0,0,0,3,1,9,12,4,0,3,0,17,0,0,4,1,34,33,15,2,7,5,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,5,6,0,2,6,6,1,2,1,1,22,6,20,25,2,20,0,1,0,0,9,10,3,1,9,95,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595672817981456,0.0,0.1802531969884979,0.18643522823075065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813222187609232,0.0,0.0,0.2047864354569607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437226871276358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868211147463928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037457619707306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889436930462065,0.1628286139899534,0.0,0.17200649085341066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101805285117576,0.12859859807676485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404736980985166,0.0,0.0,0.15098316430538575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065636259863866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915349315753894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794339541194236,0.1804164939640372,0.0,0.15930246459394928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031505820859586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197888275778253,0.1369050970845665,0.0,0.0,0.19987889782827825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180958950281306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507942316428005,0.17773735419475545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857986543810796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733596233837366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153426176053222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873959104529476,0.0,0.15547014017194125,0.0,0.14852643011065364,0.21234816295038655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184987598353526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25574672130290704,0.0,0.0,0.11592001361823435
suicidewatch,dhl55,2018/03/18,So lonely How do you all keep going? Every day I question more and more why I continue to live day after day in a life that brings me absolutely no joy. ,4.0853125000000015,4.215686906249998,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,70.5625,8.9,25.375,8.841846274778883,1.6708249999999998,119,3,25,2,2,42,28,32,0.149,0.735,0.115,-0.0535,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480228837259899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822001374892043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035327189381374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770873405469417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365769724356426,0.0,0.0,0.2957568375802365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752077815364465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022299057466325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,astyuigh77,2018/03/18,"The realization that you will never be happy in life. I will never be happy in life. 

I don't think I will ever have the things out of life I want. 

I know I'm putting myself down so early I'm less than 20. I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm set for HS. I've been accepted to college, where I'll be majoring in something I enjoy. I have a decent family. I have a few friends. I have no major life issues or problems or diseases. 

Except for loneliness. 

It really makes me want to commit suicide. 

I really plan on it someday. I can't imagine decades more of this. 

Constant disappointment and failure because I'm so ugly and lack the social skills to be able to find someone. 

I just want to die. I wish someone would shoot me. I don't have the guts to do it to myself. ",0.03077639751553108,2.2901624347826086,2.7209285714285762,89.89282142857145,89.24844720496895,5.207577639751553,20.472360248447206,6.742157984588678,0.5048109316770182,596,20,125,8,20,207,91,161,0.223,0.6759999999999999,0.101,-0.9741,0,0,1,1,0,4,19.0,0,1,0,3,5,7,0,0,6,0,19,6,1,1,4,24,30,6,2,7,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,22,5,21,21,7,15,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,6,91,28,1,0.15024162095181212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915858976399157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235781793522774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559270824551083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590214764604222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163442907152268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373181196934989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160763036569153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31986999846958725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568132182751249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082568865717285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530600500254305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028744863064093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317512003603478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376094067676928,0.0,0.15103432607072512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924972590766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315241218690365,0.2545984757599647,0.11566333995019099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643399481194554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981385704556242,0.09626876421515608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26584920199065737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773940435509446,0.17277044944449482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067273368814752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Walkinginyourshoes,2018/03/18,"Music that helps with depression. Is anyone listening to anything’s that helps with feeling depressed? 

I’ve been listening to these recently..
(John Lennon “Watching the wheels”)
(Warrior soul “The Losers”)
(Mono Mind “Found my soul at marvingate” )",5.026483516483517,8.438678974358975,3.223882783882786,81.8723076923077,92.58974358974359,6.331135531135532,31.212454212454208,7.447530270364453,3.1029531135531148,196,10,27,4,7,55,32,39,0.153,0.7,0.147,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,5,4,0,2,2,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282699186528629,0.0,0.2686505245393347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623627249891413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650690668872204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579488856663849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376413813362766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296336971326004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32234197819968713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,N64IsBetterThanPC,2018/03/18,"My life is great I have good grades, friends who support me, I’m successful in my hobbies, my parents love me, but I still hate myself. I still fantasise about suicide every day. I still hate my body and everything around me. I still hold the knife to my wrists on a daily basis trying to convince myself to just do it and end the pain. I don’t even have a reason to be depressed.",2.2371428571428567,4.188868558441564,3.4116883116883163,90.19467532467534,77.70129870129871,5.9584415584415575,23.98701298701299,6.868970318607317,0.8119922077922075,297,10,61,3,7,96,52,77,0.263,0.5720000000000001,0.165,-0.9464,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,2,0,4,0,6,5,2,1,0,7,11,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,16,7,8,10,0,9,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,45,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193037981346284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205091022603575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731104205436338,0.0,0.156670991769978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611102198668059,0.0,0.0,0.12014383897973747,0.0,0.15325936642728827,0.0,0.16348081359546285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053619590385638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256985748821786,0.0,0.20054640123895226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591789895095949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848199589612064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417267790653395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355539880296965,0.0,0.2019794398723875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702443644021907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810652235851761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897007757939092,0.20641900301178304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234987811707362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpme_end,2018/03/18,"Help me find peace of mind Hi

I know I am going to take my life. I am developing a plan. I need someone to anonymously report suspicious activity in the patch of woods I have chosen AFTER I have completed this act. I will give you a time. Please, if you have compassion, realize that I am doing this to end my PTSD and endless flashbacks from being raped. Please, help me. I don't want some random hiker to have to find my body. I want an ambulance to come and pick it up, someone who works with death and knows how to handle the sight of a dead body. I am begging. I will commit this act regardless of any answers, but my final wish is to not traumatize whoever may find me. ",2.4532843137254936,4.329742073529413,4.187352941176471,85.22725490196079,76.79411764705881,7.768627450980393,23.833333333333336,8.59863814320734,1.6094921568627454,526,17,108,11,12,177,87,136,0.087,0.767,0.147,0.8016,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,6,0,15,4,2,2,1,27,25,6,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,21,0,17,21,1,10,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,4,4,73,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292316110490284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688995595020116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430417636481989,0.17410561122005738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707552931498372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819052434607677,0.4553140544687787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929518137827856,0.09437293909589656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260646417670465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825190786015161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728962675049287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676683122791809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312775130089006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645572650108488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410952369380768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813958918133189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485276809741475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682806318898107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958871986139984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095516795731932,0.0,0.0,0.12089008925724515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,olives20,2018/03/18,"Goodbye! Hi everyone. I think I've finally decided I'm going to kill myself  tonight - after years and years and years of fretting over it. I've already accepted that I'll never be good at this life thing. I've just recently turned eighteen and I've never had a single friend. Not one. I just don't seem that important to anyone, except my mom. But that's my mom - so does that really count? 
I've been seeing a therapist since I was thirteen, and that has not improved my depression or social anxiety, which by the way are severe. I mean, so severe that people looking at me paralyzes me. I'm pretty sure people think I'm autistic or something. Going outside literally makes me feel worse about myself, and absolutely hopeless about my duty as an individual in this world. Today it just hit me that it will never go away, and frankly I don't care either way. I know no one gives a shit about these meager words, but I thought some final words might be important... ",4.091129032258063,5.9331589731182826,5.3599784946236575,78.71996774193548,72.17204301075269,8.185806451612903,27.45376344086021,8.841846274778883,2.3026886021505377,763,28,137,15,15,254,116,186,0.13699999999999998,0.8220000000000001,0.041,-0.9061,0,0,1,0,1,2,25.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,5,0,11,2,1,1,4,36,31,13,1,0,11,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,9,0,0,3,8,4,0,2,4,3,17,5,15,22,3,23,0,2,2,0,6,6,1,5,12,89,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383877934242087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593466028003847,0.0,0.0,0.08768625499031647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178223448404438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278589932430035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801134374485093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974296481442188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983007460975373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340865399833041,0.0,0.0,0.2747506067983646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688777222174902,0.0,0.0,0.12030012689869735,0.2138120522694134,0.10518395994108112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874231039454854,0.0,0.06891943663083634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857742500369928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530881191703008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370896706312393,0.0,0.0,0.1366030629455705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303513498254296,0.0,0.2937461873442587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901607408907089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995566329105952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388039765681856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758220633410314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033780368235613,0.0,0.12382253895435165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993173472684884,0.11416421457030868,0.0,0.2833444370587269,0.12872666993429682,0.10373650494689313,0.0,0.0,0.1278348427688938,0.0,0.0965430753948134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819294834273593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560514155191887,0.08331366473029941,0.1607092198062361,0.0,0.09955774739653307,0.0,0.0,0.11886949798719534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640488288899275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908167423443765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779864647445327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227057615764255
suicidewatch,ThrowawayaccountH321,2018/03/18,"I can’t take this loneliness anymore I am not going to beat around the bush here. Yesterday I got banned from the only community where I was able to find people with the same interests as me. For the first time in years I had friends, friends with whom I could talk to about all kinds of things, and now, thanks to a single moment where I lost my patience, all that is gone. My performance in college also dropped tremendously compared to the last semester thanks to my awful new timetable. I can’t even go back to the that community since they would be able to recognize my voice. I have never felt so lonely in my whole life. I am seriously considering taking my life tonight and I think this is the only place where I feel comfortable enough to seek help.",7.1802054794520584,6.902838219178082,6.802842465753429,78.79481164383562,64.06849315068493,10.587671232876714,32.63356164383562,10.125756701596842,2.9670849315068493,604,21,119,12,8,189,97,146,0.107,0.764,0.129,0.5437,0,2,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,1,4,11,10,0,0,8,1,12,2,0,0,3,17,24,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,6,3,20,7,20,15,6,23,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,11,86,26,1,0.3272861657514481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086531425309916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228996600462656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567703810769253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583142964675206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065568591742138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690870491640291,0.0,0.1080847128847441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274285962645223,0.0,0.15712302222299082,0.0,0.14956681310400094,0.13919472269698327,0.0,0.0,0.2528604797911321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860042703091975,0.0,0.1308803224558342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968650900345547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040908873901212,0.0,0.13339095369503876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311718978720687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786357558705427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621163378981606,0.1580475091659673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489158771334398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344950908032725,0.0,0.17097219195039376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536724919575727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460784653792016,0.13153011132569867,0.0,0.3013211291408015,0.0,0.0,0.10871719286023612,0.1048558798886835,0.0,0.0,0.09542159760764728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270165799934573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624735092549543,0.0,0.0,0.10538078012274343
suicidewatch,SavingPrivateSnuffy,2018/03/18,"I feel so alone My life's been a bit of a wild ride but idk, here goes. I joined the army and shipped off to basic in July and basic was great but AIT has been a mess. First I got injured, and the injury is likely ending my military career. So I feel fucking worthless because I couldn't even make it through tradoc without everything blowing up like it always fucking does. And then when I was on leave for Christmas I was raped by 3 different people (from what I've heard, I only knew about one.) After having my pop drugged. Beyond that, I'm coming to terms with my ex having sexually assaulted me and my recruiter having done some... predatory things. My history is filled with Pro ED shit which is due to the same predatory recruiter forcing me to stick to a strict diet so I can be in the army despite me already being within the weight limit. So.. there's that. Last weekend I was feeling bad to the point where I just don't even feel like I'm living my life anymore and I decided to get a tattoo. It isn't allowed when you're in AIT. I knew it, and did it anyways. I got caught so now I'm in trouble for that (probably won't catch an article 15, but still) and every time the sergeants ask me why I'd do that I just really struggle. How do I tell them that it's being I don't feel like I'm actually living my life? How do I tell them without declassifying my case (I kept it restricted so only my doctors/therapists, and victim advocate know) that I feel in so little control of my body that I had to do something to make it seem like it was even mine? I've reached out to 3 of them. One blew me off (in his defense he has kind of checked up on me since then by asking why I always look so down), one told me to soldier up, and the other told me to talk to the chaplain and then never checked on me again. I've gone to BH. I've talked to my sergeants. I've tried going to my battle buddies for support. I've done everything I'm supposed to do but I still want to fucking die to the point that I know the weekend after my friend here leaves I'm going to throw back a ton of pills and hope that I finally die. This just isn't a life I can live, it's not getting better, and I don't know what to do.",3.279482758620688,3.9546933275862095,4.713275862068965,87.09681034482759,72.6206896551724,7.43793103448276,27.21551724137931,7.531066641456977,1.3481715517241375,1720,59,375,19,32,576,216,464,0.149,0.774,0.077,-0.9905,2,1,2,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,3,4,30,25,9,1,19,0,37,15,2,6,1,56,79,32,2,3,10,1,7,5,1,1,7,1,0,0,25,17,2,5,13,2,2,9,11,14,0,4,21,9,55,11,58,53,5,53,1,1,1,4,16,22,4,3,27,251,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0821320598212078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716866646807234,0.09287722136885386,0.0,0.1400626134648021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346821130537571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736421916083884,0.0,0.0,0.06471702852111758,0.07027354136525578,0.05130567856342035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443634230766318,0.09188544256373332,0.09348738609777746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249995421159226,0.0,0.0,0.09439723963709792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469817904120488,0.0879336128806133,0.0,0.0,0.07365260609004239,0.1722582727796865,0.0,0.0,0.0976036820591926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454444680370995,0.0,0.0,0.1667688621061298,0.0,0.07091191792335913,0.0,0.15128260420188336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553355082142861,0.12025375687196725,0.0,0.09219770146423427,0.0,0.07158997449253122,0.0,0.0,0.06502500578927724,0.23342517369374546,0.08794457881112235,0.0,0.09566484065581553,0.0,0.13462750260417022,0.09279126148044363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359398151724129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764400028784831,0.13876323079212685,0.06860500734177045,0.0,0.1782353438445374,0.0,0.0,0.2377904844579299,0.20559173755630888,0.08435457899740534,0.2229554327474164,0.0,0.07067668032343961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123604339964829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649125733260967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710953983562772,0.12802124210959906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058348817425582185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912463311681127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074317797414884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053917703232837545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766198720760369,0.0,0.0,0.08639328024339754,0.06962144633992227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479366686329043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344271818536428,0.0,0.0,0.08798663312662944,0.0,0.0,0.09550846868688943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529589530926428,0.14712633609708284,0.0,0.0,0.09772105349571364,0.05591491482552148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907678686669131,0.0,0.0,0.16084488509850678,0.0,0.05714192638378824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049642190392311984,0.0,0.0,0.10248924857411434,0.0,0.0,0.15189009091896455,0.0,0.0,0.16226245511993795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrusaderKingsNut,2018/03/18,"I'm a human sunk cost fallacy. Everyone wants me to succeed but I can't do it. They'll do everything they can to support me and I'll still fail. These people are moral kind people who just want to help somebody down on his luck, and I'm never going to be able to improve for them. Am I hurting them by continuing to exist? Is it morally wrong to hurt them by dying? Is it morally wrong to keep stringing them along this lie that I might be successful? I just want to die and no one around me will ever be okay with that.",1.6500917431192654,3.4937502018348674,3.3839357798165146,90.21553669724771,79.09174311926606,6.194862385321102,22.82660550458716,7.1686216300943375,0.7419754128440368,408,13,88,5,10,136,72,109,0.204,0.569,0.227,-0.1999,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,6,3,5,11,0,0,1,1,14,0,0,0,2,17,22,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,14,6,17,16,0,8,3,3,0,0,10,3,0,2,4,64,22,3,0.1831526277511556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304466931053632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801670230699112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567203748674642,0.0,0.17501018464965995,0.16460577207312652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408985910494456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276334568990115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921373521207192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279447090014332,0.0,0.1907252775171224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942959946742132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125859752303982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410896059144536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539499420323248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626592510996705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783943151517675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240844955057667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004972933294067,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Davchun,2018/03/18,"Should euthanasia be available for mentally ill patients? I have extremely resistant depression and there’s nothing for me to live for other than not destroying my family. 

Nothing gives me joy. Hope is nonexistent. Well, basically any positive emotion is since I’ve never felt any. Every second of every day, I just wish I had cancer or that I could die. 

The only happiness I have is knowing that one day, my death is 100% guaranteed. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

I’ve lived like this for all 19 years of my life, almost 20. Nothing can make me “better.” Help doesn’t help other than increasing my desire to die.",3.2255797101449275,5.909460130434788,4.564891304347828,79.40356884057972,78.1304347826087,8.355072463768115,26.10507246376812,9.075114841892004,2.6690724637681167,485,19,84,13,12,160,83,115,0.192,0.594,0.214,0.0448,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,1,0,12,3,0,1,2,19,18,6,3,6,6,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,1,2,2,1,12,6,11,13,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733478374135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369642012124296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896146129320086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544896998079774,0.0,0.0,0.2026611217183373,0.0,0.13532877373177826,0.0,0.3261352384093144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674087388159485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264763781568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481204469579777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086156534054046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507255450078976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725907483214156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063085741205004,0.0,0.0,0.156057397056663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635003067426153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097977203566288,0.0767617736039449,0.0,0.2774828511390495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488001972983887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834181617890736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118201628464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522878061562418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646979615530673,0.11949820698194805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299727743305002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127136528990075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068231263124865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118128598342442
suicidewatch,throwawy58549875,2018/03/18,"Frustrated I don't know why I am the way I am. I want to kill myself because I feel like I will never be able to interact with others like a normal human. I have pushed away all my friends with my toxic narcissism and arrogance. I can't focus on school and my grades are tanking. My SO of four years is studying abroad, has been for a month and won't be back for another 3. I know he loves me and I know he would never cheat on me and yet I can't stop fighting with him, I can't stop making wild accusations when he has proved time and time again he loves me. I know I'm going to lose him if I continue and yet I can't get myself to stop, I become so overwhelmed with my emotions that I completely lose control. I have been trying for years to try and fix my trust issues and I know he's sick of me because I haven't made any progress. Now when I tell him I'm sad he just shuts down and won't talk to me at all. I know he will break up with me before he gets back, things are so bad and we're only a month in.
I'm alone, nothing here interests me, my grades are slipping because I can't focus and I have 6 dollars in my savings account. My room is covered in dirty laundry I can't bring myself to do, my hair is usually matted because I can't bring myself to actually brush it, and I don't even feel happy when I'm with my dog anymore, I jut feel like I'm letting her down because I don't have the energy to play with her.
I work in EMS and I see people who are dying every day, and I feel so guilty that good and kind people are dying while I have my whole life ahead of me but really wish I was the one dying. I feel like my life has been a marathon and I am so exhausted , I just don't want to run anymore. I have a good home for my dog that she's in right now. I'm struggling because I would like to say goodbye to my SO but can't do that without letting him know what I'm going to do. I wrote a letter but it doesn't feel like enough. I can't get help from my family because they don't care. I don't want people to think this is only because of my SO because it isn't. He's helped me stay here so much longer.
I'm sorry this post is a mess.",1.8846848739495807,2.6401970903361343,3.819462184873952,91.90200840336136,75.99579831932773,6.7005042016806735,22.843697478991594,6.868970318607317,0.4596973109243692,1669,44,400,15,35,569,192,476,0.113,0.774,0.113,-0.4207,0,1,0,0,2,1,32.0,0,0,1,6,24,30,4,2,10,0,57,7,1,3,5,65,97,33,4,8,7,0,7,6,1,6,4,1,2,1,13,24,0,4,15,2,2,6,23,12,0,2,6,10,80,18,44,81,5,51,0,4,1,2,31,15,0,1,32,258,93,4,0.07433932906248472,0.0,0.07254446158784705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699312534012534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050553292966704765,0.07795126828752126,0.0,0.0,0.14744927771275965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698442467552751,0.11432471071223585,0.062070234611325374,0.40784908503406003,0.0821019484050548,0.06325729368187147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579390043576859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794337215709254,0.0,0.08337787874503035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794271730605221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23145746070127865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362173939515137,0.0,0.07681239907680806,0.0,0.049100425734860884,0.0,0.06263409096411529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700805034092524,0.0,0.22552919052544815,0.2124321261437575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574343812269968,0.0,0.1165176935774743,0.0,0.08449750771344118,0.12470460442406807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913559812122196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965617052956036,0.0,0.07456840830807389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759094557719592,0.0,0.0,0.08224545331971275,0.07741297157441204,0.285984657779315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203400122006044,0.10501613318395987,0.21791064693226475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633338791395685,0.0,0.0,0.13418829376015698,0.07034167060870296,0.049622079403559095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186738864382122,0.0,0.05464796045375664,0.0,0.11467014689451092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283675874717219,0.07133059117824612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050374253289697565,0.11307681922096595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154612591732423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119652795330854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047623677764739636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348538083616878,0.0,0.05911761823267608,0.0,0.07523536979859806,0.05923882051742092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321679263493903,0.0,0.07923583361814222,0.0,0.1864530233731326,0.0,0.0777156075349103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597511367766885,0.06497585023917488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938774699645823,0.047633640372694096,0.0,0.0,0.08669572119476619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094304934341657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187426838102509,0.0,0.13154178703996525,0.05900709919885424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707968173592667,0.0829972060877725,0.08548655966409667,0.07166046041109134,0.0,0.05411991693462485,0.0,0.0,0.1056170529328804,0.0,0.0,0.09574418121119513
suicidewatch,imjustnotokay2012,2018/03/18,"Like my tag says I’m just not okay.... I’m tired of the day to day struggle.  I have plenty of things in my life to be happy about, but I’m just so depressed and tired. I feel guilty that I’m not happy. I feel like no one really listens when I tell them I’m struggling. I don’t know what to do anymore. ",-1.2491176470588243,0.6060708529411762,1.26029411764706,101.16632352941177,90.47058823529413,3.988235294117647,15.852941176470587,5.148860815047168,-1.0527705882352945,230,5,59,1,8,78,43,68,0.254,0.573,0.174,-0.8134,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,9,13,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,4,8,5,7,12,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425958011364653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656577084227807,0.0,0.17739530704470713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082817832892973,0.14713974039704025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385020881763001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319167226875908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547749302035534,0.20124586992500734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956560500128778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194493149899694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637897460718496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306337096959285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002041235136604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683241614662175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734474780418294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaystarlight,2018/03/18,"I feel too much I can't get the emotional pain to stop. My entire world has changed and I can't get a hold on it. I'm doing what I can, but what I can is so little. I'm so tired of being told it will get better.

I spend time every single day on reddit helping people through difficult situations: anxiety, depression, trauma, their world falling apart. I know so much about how to help others and how to help myself. I have read endlessly on good mental health and well being. But I still make terrible choices and in every dysfuntional choice I make I know that I am hurting myself, but I do it anyway because it makes me feel good just for a moment. 

The world is so messed up, people hurt each other and hurt each other, this is such a selfish place. I just want something good of my own to hold onto for a while, but it all keeps getting taken away. I had to rehome my cat, I miss her so much, I feel so empty now that she's gone too. 

I just want someone to care for me and to show me that, to not take it away. I want to belong somewhere. I want the pain to stop, but I can't find a way to stop it. I think a lot now about going to the sea and just ending the pain. I no longer believe that people will give back to you what you give to them, I bought into that for years but I've just gotten so messed around and the world seems like too difficult a place. 

I can't find a way to resolve who I am and what I need with the reality of the world I live in. Every day I feel more and more disillusioned and deeply depressed. I don't know how to be here without being deeply unhappy and I just don't want to feel like this anymore. ",3.694693446088792,3.9120201395348886,4.915158562367863,87.6733932346723,71.44186046511628,7.649894291754759,24.066596194503173,7.348242739294969,0.8081499999999995,1264,29,284,12,22,420,157,344,0.229,0.637,0.134,-0.9914,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,2,2,2,30,25,0,0,16,0,24,5,0,6,1,64,61,29,0,6,14,0,5,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,22,17,0,6,13,2,2,3,9,16,1,0,6,5,45,9,40,49,11,39,0,6,0,0,13,20,0,2,16,206,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732513102247267,0.0,0.0872793177332331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834490824328065,0.0,0.0,0.16537098855831076,0.06767196764741913,0.0,0.05364826382193593,0.0,0.0,0.0991537766944672,0.0,0.0778350592347223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972902439388519,0.0,0.09309976006957706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135144972334416,0.0,0.15160063835757415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899605444379136,0.0779480997145804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244913549886508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249497345040886,0.06287223417454152,0.0,0.0,0.16087364763979367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392014677034196,0.16884870977460745,0.050016418783376336,0.2214483440236652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354734910089342,0.0,0.0,0.17696775542035925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826400120952202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822468492296147,0.0,0.0,0.14509907329493696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599157118561085,0.08820615642081553,0.07771181287974947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748204230305112,0.0,0.0,0.1762361119171018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869037880664386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408586238888728,0.06525609175595233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28093702941990223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303896402477987,0.0,0.18389721351423946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803083805238332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011828760937406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989235801927026,0.0,0.0,0.07456806423372582,0.06775210524845843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028252153422844,0.22073343351341945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661703280119162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056391346195372526,0.0,0.0,0.05131760232159479,0.10115112555068356,0.0,0.08409448107685642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595441090963694,0.13971175551028242,0.0,0.0,0.07912888208845803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483562876874202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667363681034166
suicidewatch,Nugsnhugs1990,2018/03/18,Will mixing booze with 300+ prescription pills do it? I need to know because I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna do it regardless.,0.3945238095238111,2.448587500000002,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,84.71428571428572,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,0.7712476190476201,102,3,23,2,3,35,21,28,0.183,0.8170000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896560487437743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.707190369901679,0.0,0.3512927076518653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739655873017962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needinghelp918273,2018/03/18,"Too scared to try and get help again. Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Typing this out right now seems like too much of a burden, and to be honest, discussing my mental health and alcoholism isn't something I have the energy to do anymore. My family and friends are exhausted... and although I have been doing better, my latest relapse seems to be the point, for all of us, that we are over it. I know my family and friends will still try to be there for me but I am done being such a burden to those closest to me.

I have been sober for the last two days, and the suicidal ideations are incredibly real and present. I have made attempts, but didn't realize how painful going through with it would be while sober.

It's very hard to give context to how I got to this point without revealing my identity. Long story short, I have worked, and am very well known, in a very conservative industry. Being gay, and trying to cope with it (sometimes trying to embrace it, other times feeling so ""brainwashed"" or ""programmed"" by Evangelical Christianity that I can't accept it even though I'm wanting to) has seemingly created a whole bunch of mental issues (I, as well as those who know me, consider myself mentally ill at this point... but 6 years ago I was the most stable, level-headed, abled person).

I relapsed Thursday Night and in a black out state, posted some stuff that was angry and mean. Although I had been doing better (since March of last year I have drank on 10 occasions, as opposed to every day), I am once again back in this hole of shame and depression (well, it never left, I just can't hide it anymore) and I don't have the energy to deal with this weight AGAIN.

My parents run a rehab, so I've grown up in the world of recovery, ironically, and I know how that sausage is made. Over the last 5 years, I've committed myself three times and each time, the care that I received was minimal and appalling... each instance making me feel WORSE. I don't think I need help with alcohol... I need to fix my brain. I know the tools to not drink, and I am moderately successful at it. It's this literal hurting in my brain... like it is not lubricated... like a car engine that has been denied an oil change.

I have no hope in, or desire, to move forward with my craft, my relationships or my life. The calmness and absoluteness that I express those feelings with is a problem. I don't see it as one, but I know that it is.

I don't care how ""selfish"" suicide is at this point... I feel like the most selfless thing to do is rip off this band aid for everyone. It will be painful for a while but I can't fathom that the consequences of suicide are more severe than the burden everyone involved has had for some time now.

I'm willing to go get help. I do not want to do it, but since I am clearly not going through with suicide, I don't have any other choice. When I can't make myself sleep anymore, I'm in a constant place of torture.

Does anyone have any resources for a dual diagnosis sort of treatment center (anywhere in America) that doesn't feel ""institutionalized"" that someone with no insurance can afford? I'm willing to go somewhere but obvs don't have $1,250 a day.

I don't know what else to do right now and I am ready to find a non-painful way to go through with this. I don't want to hurt anyone around me which is why I feel like going through with it is the best course of action. I've been dealing with this for TOO long... ran out of energy years ago. I'm a shell of what used to be an incredible guy with the world at his fingertips. ",4.690221858519731,5.503161270655273,5.413738861611204,82.85171031096564,69.48433048433047,8.424610535248831,29.323634600230346,8.593345894127513,2.07440743165424,2780,101,558,43,47,903,307,702,0.121,0.7340000000000001,0.145,0.8576,2,0,4,0,0,3,111.0,2,0,0,6,27,34,1,2,32,0,79,16,3,10,5,109,127,46,4,9,16,1,8,5,2,5,9,0,0,2,48,39,5,2,23,2,1,14,23,14,3,3,17,11,61,20,92,97,12,87,2,3,2,1,21,35,0,12,42,394,109,4,0.0604014209477988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708443051405313,0.12910149949622088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215007499496715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970593770273405,0.0844681558593796,0.0,0.0,0.05377007048842748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644496435164809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338756481317853,0.10684029671783793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348559234539891,0.0,0.0,0.1231665483999296,0.0,0.06389669442016595,0.0,0.0,0.06527247804666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686175887934715,0.12454242555937385,0.052023655355269975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052857690509411616,0.061811624555030274,0.0,0.05917039746772593,0.0,0.0,0.05045763666083454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039894568876652936,0.0,0.050890802240444635,0.11543229232330145,0.0,0.0,0.11388216816156504,0.0,0.1832446397450523,0.08630157438776405,0.0,0.0,0.055205804482284564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333197598413284,0.0,0.06311449893702177,0.05794254681024118,0.20596511685555616,0.0,0.04830853410676742,0.0,0.0,0.059806903036194486,0.0,0.0,0.0541078091210697,0.0,0.061989283702806874,0.06420388596973027,0.0,0.0,0.12145739776199975,0.0,0.0,0.05999223975979848,0.0,0.0,0.1293219407530412,0.0,0.0,0.06304339068767638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917024791571986,0.14770565922815926,0.0,0.0,0.06562632059195588,0.0,0.04266330989766435,0.14754541640737345,0.0,0.0,0.10690671363386237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143065698921352,0.080636835014752,0.0,0.0,0.06579485469546703,0.0,0.0,0.18261127724867496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419715149603507,0.04440199427320053,0.08957377657833397,0.04658529946442977,0.0,0.0,0.05668264185504032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432554202027915,0.04092956603528918,0.0,0.1928141115158323,0.0,0.067068629936286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052740190980204084,0.06310662910332865,0.0,0.2283954650410997,0.0,0.05784786477309884,0.0,0.0,0.05779600245696324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875004059251197,0.0,0.062102720576790275,0.0,0.064848521497174,0.0,0.1031649669233262,0.0,0.0,0.06047235948182601,0.0,0.04813211229706309,0.16496155533646795,0.0,0.06823641309007833,0.0,0.09992935915816152,0.0,0.06044504213164125,0.0,0.05117792795905034,0.04649996479205036,0.05973854977770749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823665279260831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914517607187802,0.264277403878287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04012802016936513,0.038702791640866534,0.05934408940644757,0.0,0.14088221716008714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640343998806152,0.0,0.059003411596269276,0.0,0.07265547236939647,0.05216743443468816,0.0,0.14951249409140613,0.1068789690655984,0.04794383649363796,0.0,0.07355265847687502,0.16292439405333414,0.0,0.054502887565348886,0.06743602942912,0.0,0.05822481436394505,0.0,0.04397295382744903,0.0,0.06155420818356306,0.042907436439887266,0.0,0.0,0.15558613900803026
suicidewatch,how_very_,2018/03/18,"I thought it was getting easier I wouldn't know who to give a suicide note to. I've been waiting ever since I was too little to understand the concept of suicide for my life to feel worth living. Maybe I am too selfish. Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I'm just sensitive, more than others. Maybe I have been too damaged to ever be repaired. I cannot know for sure. Let alone that I am not God, I cannot know of what is ever truly right in the universe, I don't think I have someone to pick my brain apart and figure out where the pain is. It stopped mattering what happens to me. I am sad anyway. I am sad when I am being treated like garbage to those who are supposed to love me and care for me. I am sad when I am out to eat and buying nice things. I am sad when I am around a lot of people. I am sad when I am alone. I am always so sad, and I can barely explain why. I just do not know. I have been through many ages, a lot of my childhood, now my teen years, and throughout playing, bullying, learning, struggling, being outside, being online, and growing up as a whole - I still remain so sad. At my core, I think I will always be this broken, less than worthy person. I can cheer up, I can have my moments of being excited about something, but it always fades too soon, and I never forget what it felt like. I mourn the lost of every happy moment I feel was wasted or too short more than I even experience them. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't know what else to do. I'm still scared, but it feels like suicide is the only relief I will have from this sadness, even if it means my existence is gone completely. I suppose my entire life has been worthless, if I cannot even be happy for myself, then definitely not improve others' lives or the world around me in some way. I feel guilty for that, to stay alive with a worthless life, but I am still selfish - I think. I would want my last day to be a peaceful one as possible, as an eighteenth birthday present, even if it's late. I know I do not want anyone in my family at my funeral. I don't want them to touch my dead body, or try to put flowers over my grave, or anything like that. I want to disappear from them and they would never hear back from me. I want to find somewhere where no one would find me. Maybe, I could find some nice space outside, or some abandoned shed. I would write a will, but I fear it wouldn't be respected, and I would have no way of defending myself. Like life, even in death, I am so powerless to what happens to me. I hate being powerless. I at least want my will respected and I know it wouldn't be. That makes me so sad. I don't know if I will ever feel in control of anything, I don't even have the motivation to do things anyway. But when I am an adult, I plan on killing myself as soon as possible.",3.1739717056378822,3.981088480206541,4.3768607531170005,88.92227530330382,72.97590361445782,7.114075815456951,25.702573359640652,7.217587316427113,1.016015876747407,2161,67,475,21,41,711,227,581,0.245,0.643,0.112,-0.9978,3,2,1,0,0,4,76.0,0,0,4,4,41,44,2,3,16,0,78,9,2,4,7,100,121,39,9,20,20,0,8,6,0,13,5,1,0,2,28,15,1,4,28,1,2,4,20,24,0,2,11,9,89,20,64,84,10,61,0,16,0,1,13,24,0,14,36,358,117,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175310962280976,0.0,0.0,0.15877567261492193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307998527294786,0.044474741033236884,0.0,0.10468451189576228,0.11324551535340074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890902946374895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706518427318256,0.0,0.0710052470234933,0.0,0.0,0.06485047871962313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668960125218469,0.0,0.07133945238540852,0.050784154722559295,0.0,0.0,0.04102055904949574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508473957766228,0.05313458784102447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206667786742004,0.23014079937935275,0.0535907343445599,0.0,0.0,0.06221879877730097,0.0599620044472265,0.07157434809771833,0.19296639817631375,0.09088016975406064,0.061071661864694524,0.0,0.17440398689195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033231470097909686,0.06101659821913885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124930172172151,0.13541937787656252,0.0,0.06279768166106972,0.0,0.0,0.07168849918414029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037053100091856,0.0,0.27964921951806704,0.051847317500748266,0.0717502528495167,0.0,0.0,0.06504136681246588,0.17970698093403742,0.18644784989836946,0.06374984581129206,0.1123303925672676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943337981360173,0.10815096417930134,0.05740682982986368,0.0,0.042457448236366456,0.06448642367997386,0.3195034998147927,0.06928549804666799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811361967392762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620204059161399,0.0483751714611015,0.067681187779975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409633902940244,0.05553823951816675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434122448854388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394152178185014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543191116336878,0.0,0.0,0.06368062615455737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052615477690496314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053893093070142346,0.048966947866695434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779545203956787,0.1523873194177137,0.05317740062172816,0.0,0.06649472218277422,0.0,0.20872367187683435,0.0,0.05994783070708665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451389932935746,0.1222683235814761,0.0,0.05049599887464919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318424725276325,0.0,0.0,0.06621601015826976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626149539954939,0.100974843856858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739445322016817,0.07101374274496637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591911764250444,0.0,0.0,0.040960129710082685
suicidewatch,jisjusttired,2018/03/18,"I'll kill myself someday I've been struggling with my sexual orientation for many years. At the beginning I thought I could fight against what I was feeling, I forced myself to do things that somehow would make me feeling more like a ""man"". I prayed to God every night for help and forgiveness.

Days passed and somehow I stop thinking about those feelings or at least that what I thought. I was so happy because I felt ""normal"" again, those ""weird"" feelings were finally gone. I remember that Everytime I think a girl was cute I was so proud of myself, to me that was a signal that those ""weird"" feelings were vanished. I even had a girlfriend.

But you know what? Those ""weird"" feelings came back again and Everytime with more intensity. I felt so bad because everything I did to somehow get rid of those feelings did not work. I felt that I failed God. But that didn't stop me for trying again to fight those feelings, I try with everything I had and it didn't work. I couldn't understand why I could not battle those feelings, why I had to feel that way «I still cannot fully understand that», why the fuck I had to feel such ""weird"" and ""disgusting"" feelings, why me?.

I never talked to anybody about what was going on, until one day I felt I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to talk about these with someone, I needed to talk about that so badly, but I was scared, I didn't want to be judged nor to be seen as if was ""different"" because of that. I remember I told a friend who's gay what I was feeling. I told him that I thought I was feeling something for guys but I wasn't sure and that I didn't know what to do. He smiled at me and told I didn't have to feel bad about that because that was ok. That was the first time someone told me what I was feeling was not bad, that was the first time I feel I was being me.

After that day things were less heavy, I had someone I could talk about how I was feeling and that felt amazing. But it was not enough, after that moment I just felt I was being myself, I wanted to feel like that everyday. I start feeling depressed because I wasn't being myself, I hated that I felt that everyone was happy except me, I hated that everyone could that about their things and be proud of what they were except me, I hated « and sometimes I still do» myself. Why J you got to like guys? How are you going to tell your mom that her precious son, her first, the one she has always expected amazing thing, likes guys? How are you going to live with that? How are you going to be happy ? 

I needed a break. I felt that I couldn't breathe. I thought about about killing myself, I just don't remember how many times.

I went abroad to study in Canada for a couple of months. I told myself for the first time that I deserved to be happy, I refused not to be myself. Since nobody knew me there, I decided to be me 200%, without fears, just me, J. I start making friends and I remember I didn't have to tell anybody that I like guys. they just realized that when they saw me holding hands or dating guys. I never thought I had to explain anybody why I date who I date, is none of their business, is my life. That's why to me even if what I want know is to come out, I just don't understand why not heterosexual people have to come out, whyyy?

My days there were more than incredible. I had the best time of my life there.

But when I came back home, reality punched me in the face a bunch of time, it knocked me out. I felt depressed « I still does » because I couldn't be me anymore and I refused to feel the way I felt before.

...

Now I'm dating a nice guy, I even want to ask him to be my boyfriend.  But I'm scared of my mom and everyone who doesn't know «only my close friends know about me liking guys» finding out. I feel I have failed my mom, I feel I'm going to destroy my family. I just wish my mom would accept me for who I am, she has an idea of me of who I am and I know that if she finds out that I'm not what she thinks of me, she'll be disappointed and unhappy. My Mom is super religious, I know she won't accept this, that's what make me feel so sad. All I want is her support and love, I don't really care if anyone support me or not if she does.

I think I never going to be able to tell her. Because I know the day I do she won't ever be happy again.

I don't see myself in the future and for me the reason is that I'm not meant to be in the future.
I can't count how many times I have think of killing myself while I'm writing this I am thinking of that. I think is better if I'm dead.

I haven't kill myself yet,
But I know I'll do it some day.

I don't really know why I'm writing this.",2.3902942137953573,3.6743440351966896,3.671246049907378,91.3803996404054,75.52173913043478,6.533485888634631,23.476571864443716,7.005888975835272,0.6294132505175991,3582,104,803,35,76,1171,277,966,0.114,0.7170000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.9958,1,0,1,0,2,4,115.0,0,6,5,13,51,64,13,4,23,1,106,8,3,10,6,189,222,51,5,26,35,6,35,6,4,5,2,0,1,8,72,32,0,6,75,0,0,13,38,31,0,6,73,38,178,33,95,120,11,85,1,6,3,3,72,14,1,13,61,579,250,4,0.0347375955419672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028904462261675718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890072101452248,0.024289334492269974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03247496260103404,0.0,0.0,0.053422133495931695,0.1160177651488299,0.14823001073774816,0.0,0.02955913526140778,0.0,0.03645496338196117,0.030722580336111062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946111019793277,0.035417293794416965,0.0,0.0,0.05984672536497562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094057366554244,0.038436488747559824,0.0,0.13441725212994662,0.0,0.05983888027759795,0.0,0.0,0.03629339382103156,0.0,0.0,0.060798207902601785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03589322213946208,0.0,0.06883156271220935,0.03142214393258637,0.02926792246431793,0.09957978356190728,0.062439821960058435,0.0,0.032747513510134635,0.039089452611144736,0.4215449292955146,0.0496330903921623,0.33353539302720303,0.03805333795596929,0.06349906600150633,0.11819112408915355,0.0,0.0,0.08051454043617715,0.032114347324391466,0.018148959929295175,0.0,0.1184530564482202,0.0,0.027782828494655968,0.0,0.0,0.20637408614123204,0.0,0.1848940819869424,0.0,0.10288855155322292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023283878054692998,0.0,0.03484464065900944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039214517092219285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030876371013803517,0.15372801065688996,0.0,0.19090874043258604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907238208807998,0.1018262071084721,0.0,0.030673933285809894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031352036222905416,0.0,0.0695628442983395,0.10565540879502182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342126029392044,0.02772721734560522,0.0,0.0,0.05151497387178761,0.08037532556040422,0.0,0.0,0.03259888022687865,0.03403546814123668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707818751055153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02408267487761789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450758642230898,0.0357160337555099,0.0,0.0,0.1574036962380113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955678632009639,0.0,0.02768136615529168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028735298000722744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829915592485148,0.02674269817357379,0.0343563702290236,0.0,0.04917489783605483,0.0,0.08322446601658938,0.05808437063929519,0.0,0.036315277201073776,0.0,0.0,0.07883962352378585,0.0327397726957473,0.0,0.0,0.1116830538396033,0.09108656887554298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923124597183244,0.15580914006462826,0.0,0.13788885316623242,0.14179039919005135,0.0,0.0,0.16596630593651215,0.0,0.047169094274675166,0.0,0.0,0.10848918613887916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244566935359167,0.05514617287846756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03220209908848092,0.2821074920034742,0.0,0.039946520520646484,0.033485802488468684,0.0,0.050578766554636494,0.0,0.0,0.049353182405414496,0.0,0.0,0.022369872612219576
suicidewatch,MerlynAFC,2018/03/18,Realized I’m already taking steps I havent seen my nephews in 3 months. I’ve been feeling down and overwhelmed. And I just realized this is a good thing. They’re all under 4. So if I kill the relationship now they won’t be sad when I’m gone.,0.20352564102563875,2.3824240961538483,2.539999999999999,92.28833333333336,86.88461538461539,5.7743589743589725,22.128205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.7323358974358979,191,7,43,3,6,65,43,52,0.163,0.725,0.113,-0.6682,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,11,5,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,2,5,1,3,6,1,8,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,3,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432786862742036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310826661304685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33692138899039964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444142619849343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206278616600504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.431268411846646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020234663124328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266867264348447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkanddontcare123,2018/03/18,"I spent hours thinking and there's only one reason I'm still alive. This will prob be really long because I'm just trying to distract my mind so the tl:dr is I'm failing school I'm kinda fat , lazy, have bad anxiety and depression , never had a girlfriend or anything close and the only thing that has stopped me from killing myself is the fact that if I do I can't play video games with my friends anymore. I'm 16 living with my mom who just got engaged to a pussy from England who try's to make a shity joke out of everything that makes me want to cut my ears off. I'm failing grade 10 after developing severe anxiety and not even being able to walk into class without panicking and ditching while also being extreamly slow at school in the first place. I somehow end up being considered a dick by all my freinds even when I'm trying to be as nice as possible and I just want them to like me. I see a therapist do my work from home yet my mom still treats me like everything is fine and that nothing will ever change the fact that school is the main focus on my life like I could die and her main priority would be getting my dead corpse into class. I'm really just here because there seems to be no way to be happy. I haven't lived that long but life already seems to be a fucked up place. I finally find something that truly makes me happy but in order to do that thing I need to spend 90% of my time doing something that makes me feel depressed. Well sorry for making this so long hopefully someone has felt with something even remotely similar and can help me out. Truly appreciated.",6.600983455882349,5.871157734375004,6.943676470588237,78.80661764705886,65.40625,9.904411764705884,32.26102941176471,9.168548406835145,2.599137867647059,1265,43,251,19,17,412,178,320,0.136,0.721,0.14300000000000002,0.6748,0,0,3,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,4,20,23,3,1,12,0,28,6,3,6,5,54,55,20,3,7,10,2,2,3,2,3,3,1,1,0,15,17,1,1,7,4,2,1,6,9,1,2,4,4,30,14,37,38,3,35,0,4,1,2,10,14,2,7,21,164,45,10,0.09053221178526707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990454693109976,0.07239857705629088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851378843633758,0.0,0.08978362735999412,0.0,0.0,0.07450029645491038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559061530768546,0.110375192029378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577107592591776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722826044374165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559505227050022,0.0,0.09395814264019632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018466825765261,0.0,0.0,0.17938701616363342,0.08189156862671439,0.0,0.0,0.1627290288037668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045775806467233504,0.0,0.08692512066052759,0.09917361283120807,0.08274480144242982,0.07700665309614636,0.0,0.0,0.06994496225043613,0.0836955709788539,0.04729934407855766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240688003961684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274644577010905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068183322254279,0.0,0.09081118996598024,0.0899189136643072,0.08915599228315857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016047887729836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789115707903184,0.1326883971588872,0.0,0.15988320326679895,0.2403544756421937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021547718040568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141172607057843,0.21206046453395072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712848790928531,0.06982402286262013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868680988752179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134696969775364,0.13770765320080067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917378503311694,0.0,0.0,0.10206146607310973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599450615882698,0.09308219183383523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748702948324097,0.0721424515478849,0.16483425091445,0.0,0.1022756303477836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670764925752523,0.20908835890795954,0.0,0.10134339911225912,0.0,0.0,0.14459828255387944,0.07568898281658143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511487565230884,0.1202911575088972,0.05800938578150591,0.0,0.0,0.05279006073275088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843962873352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679648823935364,0.07186025578754912,0.0,0.0,0.08139933087650476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726982151148605,0.0,0.06590852841311286,0.0,0.0,0.06431148575620263,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aubm713,2018/03/18,Idk So I don't really know exactly what to say. I've been suicidal for pretty much as long as I can remember. I'm fat and ugly. I just want to be loved but I don't think it'll ever happen. Anyway idk why I'm posting this I guess I just like how on here it's not just people telling you it gets better and to just stay positive and it'll all work out. ,-1.2982499999999997,0.6392756750000039,1.9850000000000032,95.08,92.25,5.7,15.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.0939000000000001,274,6,67,5,10,98,56,80,0.095,0.688,0.217,0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,9,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,1,3,19,16,8,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,8,12,2,6,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,3,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176898806987136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226467532723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859743155005152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27114978057319056,0.0,0.21765984229448124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527151845466362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025104789886107,0.0,0.0,0.2178252068908891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214999359946194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094043414434252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064174179577266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357330551858849,0.2504117796413988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768290085764594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788274249812459,0.0,0.0,0.19573955587329853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26235134880811434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692360386903756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513627322144455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771588724164856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517911774142467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210209923266294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919207203154858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidewatchthro,2018/03/18,Coward Been suicidal for years but today is different. Its the first time i have been out of breath by thinking of how kill myself. Im too much of a coward to do anything and i wish i could afford therapy,1.9871428571428569,4.0607850952380975,3.9573809523809516,85.39178571428572,79.0,7.057142857142857,22.404761904761905,8.07648339933343,1.3153619047619052,162,5,32,3,4,55,35,42,0.301,0.629,0.07,-0.9144,2,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,7,8,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,7,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23803792323465656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23095211515954625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022171525651326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24604605149930425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124525240419868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200254699197152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264080284637135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164056043804304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307962285478482,0.0,0.0,0.18534736607262933,0.0,0.0,0.1686709586700869,0.0,0.2741864889253535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326369461661793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627520031461176
suicidewatch,MountainHurry4,2018/03/18,"Please help I can't do this anymore I feel like i;m going to hurt myself. School is killing me and i'm already in so much debt and i still live with my parents at 23 years old and they gimme so much anxiety and control social aspects of my life. i still have like 2 years-2.5 years left of school i dont think i can make it until then. one school i transferred from is holding my transcripts hostage until i can pay 4.5k and i dont have anythign in my bank accoumt. i feel like im gonna kill myself. every time i feel this way i cry, feel numb then come close to doing it. ",1.026284153005463,2.976946737704921,2.0127049180327887,98.74042349726778,81.62295081967213,4.394535519125683,21.642076502732237,4.7782277997778095,-0.3157071038251371,450,14,104,1,12,141,77,122,0.191,0.711,0.099,-0.9128,2,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,2,0,0,0,11,2,0,2,0,16,21,11,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,5,0,3,2,3,4,0,1,0,4,20,3,11,20,2,18,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,13,60,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105329794250022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471477623660257,0.0,0.13575070835685651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179121965853059,0.0,0.0,0.15352541940529954,0.0,0.0,0.1503590538818965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208506587654253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532945223685764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768477209599667,0.19557784242216514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779350773649782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174948803664988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653560105800847,0.0,0.14785664337618315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30288052191158665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487232913018538,0.0,0.09668419330199866,0.2006216994645606,0.0,0.12086979962842442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137016516684368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012488486055969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363521030826334,0.0,0.0927551585616535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199187303597111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025593505782364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155973458294908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953452189970705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862916281126404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770881109103479,0.0,0.0,0.07981731580011399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865099698802508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762957489122001
suicidewatch,unhappypatient,2018/03/18,"Anger I have wept bitterly thinking of the notes I would write my siblings and a very dear friend in a similar position - how sorry I am, that I will always love them, that I want them to go forward and be happy. 

But in the last year, what I've thought of more is just letting a decades or two worth of anger out too. 



I think of letting lose on the cosmetic surgeon who left me with a butchered, dysfunctional nose that has negatively affected my whole life, my stamina, daily migraines, my ability to endure an eight hour day or reading or anything that requires being awake and cognitive attention. (That one I feel less bad about.) 



For my shitsack high school administrators, who never connected a college education to working life - so I chose a useless, stupid degree without knowing what to do with it (not that it hindered so many people I know who were given unbelievable jobs - publishing jobs, marketing jobs, executive assistant jobs)  or that if I wouldn't intern, I would never enter the workforce (as has been born out). 

My father spent 2 years looking for a job for my younger brother after he graduated; he told me I was a fucking idiot for choosing sociology and didn't ask or inquire if he could help me for a month, nor did he ask me what I wanted to do. No adult guidance.

I needed it. I was so crazy and sick after graduating, it didn't even occur to me who to ask for help. 

For friends that judged me and tell me I'm a piece of shit - because they got marketing jobs with art history and English degrees and were literally handed them by mother's boyfriends, friends, the same temp agencies that send me to minimum wage filing clerk jobs (or did) that last three days, and end without warning or explanation. 


And most of all, for my mother, who destroyed me, who told me I was a piece of shit and bad from the time I was 8, who did when I applied to every job, who screamed at me about how stupid I was, that I was a consummate piece of shit who "" HATED EVERYTHING!!!!"" all work! All fields! A PIECE OF SHIT, REFUSING ALL WORK, LAZY, STUPID, DESERVING OF MISFORTUNE - because I balked at turning around and going back to school for early childhood education - ""glorified babysitting"", as one state Congressman referred to it - the least transferable thing requiring an MS that might exist, short of physical therapy.  Their cowering, stupid, ugly, co-dependent daughter, who has literally never been able to get a job or been trained in a skill). Who shrieks and babbles like someone is torturing her if she is around her family, the way a baby does, incessant - through college finals and job applications and essays and phone interviews that weren't even followed up with rejection letters and horrible, horrible continuing ed courses completely disconnected to employment. My mother has forced me into so much bullshit based on a crazy old woman's mixture of streams and contempt- I've spent more of my life in dump campuses or wiping asses and noses (as a volunteer - still no job leads!) than working in an office. 

I know how cruel it'd be. 

I have no proof to the contrary of what she said, despite trying desperately, from my shit-eating grin in interviews  to the 12/hour jobs I accepted to horrible sweaty brand-ambassador jobs (standing on the street with a fucking flag attached to me like a harness) just to get something, courtesy of temping agencies that fed my friends to reception jobs, admin jobs - permanent jobs. I don't know what makes me different. And thus a prophecy was fulfilled and made flesh.

If there is literally *any other job candidate* applying for an entry level job alongside me - I am passed over, because in 10 years, I have acquired 18 months of work experience. 11 months were unpaid, for a not for profit that made very clear I would never, ever be an actual employee, and they trained me to do dickshit. 

Temp agencies will not place me anymore.


Since I suspect someone will tells me I made my own bed due to my anger - it wasn't anger.

Being dumb as a box of rocks, scatterbrained, easily overwhelmed, social anxiety, and cowardice - particularly thanks to cystic acne - maybe. But not angry.

Do any of you coming here, probably having spent years dreaming of just ending it to make the impotence of trying and failing and slowly becoming less over a person each year you're alive, watching the world pass you by, relate? 

I'm already dead on the inside; I have been for a long, long time. 

I'm only here because I think if I killed myself I'd destroy my family, but the level of hatred I have for myself and my mother almost undoes that. I'm so tired. Every attempt I've made towards even a shitty but vaguely normal life with a shitty job blows  up in my face. It's more than humiliating - every time I send my pathetic resume around, I might as well be sending their hiring managers my contact information with a stamped form indicating I'm a stupid basket case who may or may not have a criminal record. Instead I know I go straight into the trash.

I don't even really want to work. Work sucks if you're pretty, smart, and feel valued by society - I have never been any of these things and feel like I missed the 21st century. I want to be dead. All of this, all this horseshit - it's a pretense of life until my father dies so I can too. 


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suicidewatch,hoplessromantic12,2018/03/18,"I'm sick of living a life where I have to be ugly So fucking sick of not being able to get into a decent relationship. Sick of having to settle with masturbating, sick of having to settle with being single. I can manage to attract morbidly obese women but that's literally it. I can't force myself to be attracted ot them, so I have to settle with either being alone, or being with someone that grosses me out. I really didn't think I was asking too much from this life to be with someone I like, but I was asking to much. My body is in great shape, but my face is too ugly for women to even consider me. Fuck this shit I quit.",3.663875968992252,4.514865155038763,5.824806201550387,78.83085271317833,71.86821705426357,7.9038759689922475,22.86046511627907,8.167268648758528,1.2693627906976743,491,11,95,7,9,173,74,129,0.211,0.69,0.099,-0.9346,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,3,0,2,0,18,12,3,0,0,14,25,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,15,4,24,15,4,5,0,0,0,2,6,5,3,1,1,79,20,1,0.2026450281980049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987913467026295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788914925942522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509294327650406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384512993400374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746841263811487,0.10587366336836013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234168589880951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862683526834307,0.0990021247817952,0.0,0.1789392725278607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979348247226386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553793155814627,0.0,0.0,0.12981959408614815,0.0,0.0,0.21756492249993428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208012209357948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434009495683948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298467516216723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedSword12,2018/03/18,"Fighting irrational thoughts Hello everyone.  I've been having a hard time with life lately.  I attempted the very first time in August 2016.  That set in motion the destruction of my marriage with the final divorce concluded on March 6th.  

Since then my hard time has become nightmare quality.  My mind is obsessed with suicide, and more specifically a pistol.

I know, on a higher intellectual level, that this is a terrible idea.  Yet my depressed mind is convincing me I will be happier securing a way out when my efforts to improve inevitably fail.  

I feel so fragile that any minor crises that befalls me will make it all unbearable.  I'm on disability, so money is a struggle.  I think to myself sometimes that if my car, for instance, broke down with some unaffordable repair that I'd just end it.  How would I get to the therapist and psyc doc. that are barely keeping me alive?  My nearly non-existent social life would lose the nearly.  The thought of struggling EVEN MORE makes those suicidal gears turn with vigor. 

This leads me back to wanting that pistol.  I want that safety net (how absurd does that spund).

Now I'm just being verbose and probably annoying everyone so I'll slink back into the shadows.",4.820616438356161,7.432942420091326,5.38369634703196,75.96732534246577,72.28767123287672,8.215616438356165,30.584703196347032,8.982922981607832,3.0584884018264846,966,43,154,21,20,310,144,219,0.19,0.715,0.095,-0.9731,1,0,0,2,3,1,27.0,0,0,0,7,13,14,3,3,13,0,14,2,0,6,1,34,28,11,2,5,3,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,15,10,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,11,0,1,3,4,19,3,22,19,4,31,0,4,0,0,5,11,0,2,15,106,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161106770817098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717560022595685,0.0,0.0,0.14878253646625925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603014637467275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789032364126065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931782764895575,0.0,0.0,0.0889782279753549,0.0,0.0,0.2574526084945685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811613622942259,0.0,0.0,0.14757409739596974,0.0,0.1145888205513903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038321798051941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413570122843972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207724934404335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974120610647687,0.0,0.0,0.07403604142937201,0.0,0.15196479937800195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030689244916976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071203444997106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984710428472844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720482309993692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524594834472834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114379419426376,0.0,0.0,0.13732534939382346,0.0,0.0,0.13323694053374352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816674984377934,0.0,0.2947134879903233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564149218167604,0.0,0.08632016624997302,0.0,0.2138979037320442,0.2356608378492781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653163250350196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115428456406937,0.15891722512727108,0.10693078616123552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913958600826292,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vaskaa,2018/03/18,"^_^ You look at just this one reddit and realize how many people are just, like, *you.*

One of you knows how to help me, i'm looking for a drug? that I can OD on and will barely feel a thing.

I can save my rent money to buy it and go peacefully.

Don't preach me with your bullshit I will delete the posts that do.
See r/UrbanHell , come back and make the same post, so I can delete it again.",0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,82.33333333333333,5.628571428571429,16.452380952380953,6.6274283507984215,-0.5759476190476192,296,5,75,3,8,96,61,84,0.044,0.818,0.138,0.7906,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,3,0,16,17,7,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,11,2,7,15,1,8,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,3,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466108591382664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807119606744807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935802086869704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800311457731467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387420275142648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968491109614034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912773710498902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236790742781478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251740123097839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898337729124235,0.25666011773034697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430896710389377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755062681554542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849063114472186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017322949401742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818538006829947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleWingIsDead,2018/03/18,"My only friend just asked what my problem is I don’t know how to explain that I have no desire for anything. I have no need to text or call, or go on holiday or go out or meet up. It took all my energy to be there for her when her bf left and she’s accusing me of not being there at all. How do you explain to someone that you don’t care about their problem because you can’t care about much at all, and sound like it’s not personal? You can’t. It’s not her at all, she’s the only one left after I cut out everybody else, I don’t think the way I used to.

I don’t want to hurt anyone, but how can I keep going, show up to places and physically talk to people but not actually be present for any of it? I can’t, and I don’t know when it’ll happen but things are only going to get worse and I’ll peace out. All I’ve been thinking about for the past 2 years is throwing myself under a train. I don’t shower, I drink and I overeat, I blaze whenever I can get my hands on it, and I haven’t changed my bedsheets in over 2 months. I don’t plan for a future because I can’t see one. What am I supposed to say? It doesn’t matter anyway. ",1.8128370663153284,2.3366631185770785,3.883761528326744,92.25240557751428,75.91699604743083,6.887044356609576,22.751207729468604,6.937597516519254,0.42299402722880997,871,22,216,8,18,300,123,253,0.071,0.838,0.091,0.5775,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,1,1,12,8,1,0,5,0,27,3,1,4,5,44,49,19,0,5,12,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,12,10,2,1,6,3,0,6,19,4,0,2,2,4,36,4,34,43,6,31,0,1,1,0,20,16,0,4,9,150,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.1334578876450594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930013890125624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562566829955037,0.0,0.11254170544988028,0.0,0.12785200033846472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673507276393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964709949615967,0.0,0.27887156723297474,0.0,0.14467378964050226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397258987921914,0.0,0.0,0.1142453076527634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566032235933127,0.0,0.14290275616509235,0.0,0.310895101952128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093628541186928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464042500334901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155844013756227,0.0,0.0,0.15031927609133375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971799585677573,0.0,0.0,0.06681395564964883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916040905131412,0.0,0.100534226964211,0.10140569733376807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534403009109815,0.3120360900999602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055275337402128,0.0948120616621218,0.11941342763831415,0.14288493742384822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617214169652481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875692339912152,0.0,0.0,0.10897989563636416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587617874403958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992238861613868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085716876834776,0.17526038200135013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194522754996045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811660218070424,0.0,0.0,0.08066450399824386,0.10855360482075464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393699728451986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806886079979176
suicidewatch,SpilledThrowaway,2018/03/18,"i hope it takes me soon im a cheat. i have been dating someone since december. ive been incredibly in love with someone else since august. they left my life today and decided to emotionally destroy me. i am destroyed. i have nothing, no reason to do anything. i had goals to move for them. to leave my current partner. i had plans. i honestly can't deal with this anymore. i honestly don't even want to. if he doesn't love me then i don't want to wake up and i hope to whatever controls that kind of that that i dont wake up. my life revolves around him. he got me into therapy. hes the one who made me learn i was a person. and now he doesnt want anything to do with me. and i still have a boyfriend to act like everything is fine around. i hope i fucking perish soon.",-0.1865608465608446,2.0684430246913617,2.1321516754850123,93.51611111111113,90.97530864197529,5.307936507936508,21.911816578483247,6.868970318607317,0.6466186948853618,598,23,133,9,21,202,92,162,0.09,0.727,0.184,0.9537,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,3,7,14,4,0,4,0,20,7,2,3,0,22,32,6,0,7,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,6,10,0,1,3,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,7,0,29,10,20,25,0,18,0,0,0,3,13,7,1,4,10,90,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381199721934325,0.0,0.0,0.2292172677206784,0.2479624458370087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620490615417126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358287134300107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632252406021671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634352423127682,0.15666176870021106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198755724522367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516830514833646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875432053955624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138819572956196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149842756468437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504371926962487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502990651602907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746848141760097,0.15131896627109045,0.0,0.1967432546327781,0.06804105330731584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25139605551602057,0.1317821252056617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802363616160644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363482579105082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943740189381187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160656133207914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319436767957638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304137606916059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23600869543824696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122245420916813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471488666960756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926917578863198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201316198562202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643793784636744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mlmar,2018/03/18,I’m gonna kill myself I’m just gonna end it be done with it no one wants me around no one wants me alive I hate myself it’s a prefect time to just end it all ,-4.08960714285714,-2.8980361749999983,-0.6764285714285698,110.09,110.75,2.2857142857142865,8.214285714285715,3.1291,-2.6200714285714284,123,1,37,0,7,43,25,40,0.295,0.645,0.06,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,5,0,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715795800549571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121955185605101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.540408117419252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301196351320698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33751798820172696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134506149880463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789047431964172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598798274688151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sasafraz101,2018/03/18,"I found the strength to call Lifeline (Australia) I however feel worse, i never called them before because i felt like it was a waste of their time and when i did the operator on the other side's constant hmm ok's confirmed that i was unimportant, from then on i did the worst thing i could do... i lied. I do know my family will be devastated but im just too panicked and stressed to care. My roommates of 4 years through 3 different houses have abandoned me. I have 2 days before the lease is up and nowhere to go. Yet i know i can contact housing services but to be honest the only thing stopping me from trying suicide again is them . I just didn't want to screw them over, ive been trying but im done, i'm tired i give up, when wednesday rolls round and the lease is up im killing myself. Fuck my psychologist appointment on Tuesday. im 25 i lived a quarter century i just want it to end.


I wish you all the best of luck, and if you are Australian and you call life line i hope you don't get someone as unenthusiastic or as gullible as i did.
edit 1 spelling i'm a bit drunk",0.8386607142857159,3.1039814732142865,2.654399999999999,91.9906,84.71428571428571,5.369714285714287,24.138571428571428,6.742157984588678,0.7695405714285721,846,34,184,10,25,280,133,224,0.226,0.647,0.127,-0.9689,2,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,4,4,2,8,14,3,1,11,1,23,5,0,0,2,29,39,17,2,6,8,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,5,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,10,3,35,8,22,25,4,23,0,1,1,2,13,8,2,4,15,121,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273820729157658,0.0,0.20307020799797385,0.0,0.12522215097067768,0.0,0.13026983670077236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365526442725115,0.0,0.12165777438942348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894579755948893,0.0,0.0952697244457689,0.0,0.0,0.07695347847388379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466716240193297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210888057595225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056847814095586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248712658725432,0.0,0.060333305673733024,0.0,0.1145688144083656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083153580335707,0.0,0.1103122119982606,0.062341354630232486,0.11446551647286332,0.06781402375895655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851468543414885,0.0,0.2753654958034478,0.0,0.0,0.5155573630023046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201324574930498,0.0,0.1311536257249431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428137993090133,0.058295201788709186,0.0,0.10536441538934127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202927135222973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907505358766697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110201015203366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997593901415041,0.13668411967172464,0.0,0.0,0.1305200202284209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854582881082505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957821426923028,0.13714426178827285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202500006724035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075962101155676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721558765479042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216003544663723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684011463932215
suicidewatch,justtrying1oce,2018/03/18,I just want to go I want to kill myself because I’m just not convinced anyone actually gives a shit about me. Bye ,0.2324999999999981,2.5502272500000025,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,89.0,4.866666666666667,20.5,6.42735559955562,0.30135000000000023,90,3,19,1,3,31,19,24,0.375,0.5329999999999999,0.092,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.3762960395822978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26962482996308235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350619684143405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699086163866905,0.21914889718107156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266161424381334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39581923639664535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548810703513826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anytime710,2018/03/18,"Is Suicide selfish? The title is pretty self explanatory I guess. I know I would hurt people by me dying, I just seem to be more and more down as the days go on.. I also wonder if I am even justified in feeling this way, as my problems are probably small in the grand scheme (And maybe I dont even have problems?",1.7130208333333314,3.6585750937500015,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,79.3125,6.141666666666668,23.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.8820604166666666,242,8,50,3,6,82,49,64,0.226,0.634,0.14,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,14,6,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,9,1,8,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,4,1,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341648034567858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398516118075356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225058158032738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414894991630543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864574252485953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964689591012912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324199911331107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388869457985614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321445701719761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191761978521895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178569988445669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033788497695474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061646188339468,0.23380315239670524,0.4149961891973751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741393267836724,0.22622394830816586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372009110451272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212703815611968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351667630943067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404545170784986,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badzeke999,2018/03/18,"Her. I purely miss her I cannot get one minute of silence in my head, she is the air inside my lungs and she owns my heart. She was the taste of my toothbrush each morning and night I was there, she was the smile on my face, she made me complete. I don't want this to be a eulogy I just wish we could have worked things out and wish she didn't leave. It's been a year now and keep crying every single night and I'm only 18 years old. I am such a strong goodwill guy I like to believe I have had so many opportunities to move on or get a quick fuck but I can't I tried dating this girl I knew and everything we did together I pin pointed how much better it was with my ex and the worst part is I dream of her and me and think wow so it was all a dream and I'm so happy I wake up crying with joy and then realise that it's a reality and that were done this happens almost every night for the past year. I look to my side at night and see her silhouette she was a cute little snoring grumpy sook that always had two hands under her head layed on her side snoring and sometimes dribbling she was so beautiful long brown hair amazing body that was so comfortable to sleep on or hug up to she was so perfect her smile was so big and bright and it made her eyes squint and make her look Asian. With her little chubby cheeks you could just eat!! With a booty you could hold on to forever and everrr. she never trusted me and that hurt but I always reassuring that I loved her and only her but it never worked it became so bad she deleted anything that got in the way of us or anything that could threaten the relationship but I didn't care I loved every moment with her I gave her the world I am a good looking funny guy and I made sure she  knew she was my queen. I genuinely knew she was the one and is the one because not once did cheating come to mind not once did I get attracted to any other girl I just started at her missed out on every movie we watched didn't sleep I just felt like the luckiest man in the universe I felt truely happy with her and I know she's gone now but I'm so happy that I got to know her and be in her presence and I'm so happy she is someone I knew. It hurts because they day she left she got with another guy and Snapchat me him.and her fucking and i didn't understand I bought her Everything I made her laugh till she dribbled and snorted I always played with her siblings and helped her family with everything i only ever thought of my future with her and working till I drop to make her happy she was the type of girl to not even like presents she low-key loved them but didn't care if she got nothing she loved me and I know she did allot I guess one day her brain chemistry just changed and she said bye.  Now I put this on suicide watch because I want someone to her my story because Its to much I can't fight any longer I used to make fun and joke around about love and suicide with my immature mates but it's a reality for me now. Goodbye to whoever reads this and I hope you never have to experience this much pain.",2.0321730524529897,3.6606909533437033,3.246904001131064,92.60667439558887,77.25816485225505,6.16936519157359,22.266336773646263,6.90281598873529,0.4324882737169515,2405,68,539,24,55,778,263,643,0.09,0.664,0.246,0.9991,0,0,1,0,1,2,20.0,4,3,2,8,27,47,4,0,23,0,46,25,14,9,8,117,106,60,2,10,19,1,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,7,27,54,2,2,12,5,1,4,15,11,0,5,46,16,121,36,58,54,10,63,0,4,9,8,82,28,2,8,33,368,148,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849884146775314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458294878310887,0.0,0.0,0.07945473153253632,0.061258097454550776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614878968663744,0.052005874801761255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877796813802565,0.14244830732288194,0.0,0.0,0.0658189410456871,0.0,0.051667433615200015,0.0,0.06489106215215276,0.0,0.06521565071161174,0.0,0.0,0.11912545469380385,0.0,0.061800244263706734,0.05032335624243653,0.061251892271005436,0.0,0.0,0.18657334971175124,0.0,0.1283424862210959,0.07535168351943985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978358552820241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977788714049054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038585628313728686,0.05284391863973471,0.19688430131013995,0.0,0.157511445365526,0.05714562822961487,0.05507284745738001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218405217934922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801605140751706,0.09156556891443203,0.0,0.0,0.04899963129954407,0.18689412558265991,0.0,0.06435583152774525,0.17353391673072927,0.05166030417375974,0.3109440223572359,0.0,0.0,0.11991083136083555,0.0,0.0,0.06922756735058708,0.03915746042598009,0.0,0.0,0.0580238947370695,0.0,0.0,0.12507888866113587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519260697565456,0.0,0.0,0.09631773664468186,0.0,0.0,0.061857974951987436,0.06347312141128861,0.0,0.0,0.08562267131385345,0.11710367477414033,0.0,0.05169955250390621,0.14717337965079288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26363007802836136,0.2211123440542474,0.11698671142034373,0.059228356475722325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058987193629303075,0.0,0.0,0.062090843344738564,0.12883549533104505,0.0,0.13517050821447846,0.0,0.0,0.2192915388779889,0.0,0.05605523042640757,0.0,0.06130159615905927,0.1244300427533215,0.15834666888746493,0.13329233052640593,0.062162627228737735,0.0,0.0,0.06326278874687212,0.055768166907513184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522545280452005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058727884562028786,0.0,0.0,0.05843545987992164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272084190008999,0.0,0.0,0.0555704657742252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655289798446723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692368133167574,0.0,0.0989975609061087,0.0,0.057778528321752565,0.0,0.04134972944463653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780323192980286,0.0,0.055059829409771055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881142007094262,0.037432953281821536,0.0,0.04637867711175587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396631080538072,0.0,0.057067510019589485,0.06081691665081406,0.07027164676153581,0.05045582122722682,0.0,0.0,0.06891484715910998,0.04637079950901078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435943039802528,0.0,0.0,0.12759060443706086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286101904798265
suicidewatch,6991sh,2018/03/18,"Hate who I am as a person, I don't want to be trapped in my mind anymore. I really hate myself and a lot of people dislike me, I have BPD and constantly ruining things for myself and others and being reckless. People are distancing themselves from me and I get told I'm a lot to deal with. 

I've been on medication and have been on a waiting list for therapy for years, I just want it all to be over and I have no one to blame but myself.",2.482857142857142,3.531650096774193,4.690353302611367,85.09838709677422,74.91397849462365,7.894930875576037,25.1136712749616,8.418075326091056,1.5269090629800308,341,11,74,6,7,119,59,93,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.8938,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,1,17,19,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,13,0,15,13,3,6,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181903626553472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26900296809812857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23080962551238696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019686906336414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158940414091847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217421532868412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36316484388071596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151645271954204,0.0,0.0,0.21566007399102533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473079759951002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961460436501401,0.1864942789653374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682809009344624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425318646247315,0.0,0.14189645597986628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408972480048893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519560623753894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375418076424601
suicidewatch,SpeedDemon103,2018/03/18,"I feel so close to death that I'm scared Hello I'm a 19 year old male who just can't see anything left in my future. I lost everything I held important in my life.. I had the love of my life living with me and even though our conditions weren't great now I'm just alone with these thoughts. We dreamed of living together, getting married, having kids and now she's already gone with someone else. Now I'm stuck here alone.. no job for money so no food and pretty soon no place to live either. In a shitty sublet with a bunch of roommates who don't care, can hear me sob hours on end and offer to help others asking if it was them but once they realized it was me they didn't even try to ask. My birthday is in couple days but I can't see myself living long enough to see it.",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,2.5818902439024427,94.8080792682927,81.1951219512195,5.319512195121952,18.78658536585366,6.322622252153567,-0.17577317073170695,608,14,136,5,16,197,107,164,0.136,0.8140000000000001,0.05,-0.8313,1,3,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,3,1,12,6,0,1,4,0,11,4,0,0,0,20,30,10,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,10,1,1,3,1,1,1,8,3,0,0,10,5,19,3,18,20,3,20,0,2,3,1,17,8,1,1,11,85,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27423394523193834,0.14609657271451967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894637243872912,0.0,0.2475351087000204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498127429687032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648793498335522,0.0,0.0853811327563185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059555021989753,0.0,0.1172589794613948,0.13679511741151046,0.0,0.17488578885914302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898434115210385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694078141126245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008751682122566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916874430437914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596135715894454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149214086979089,0.0,0.08873878248966686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037829918306648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137747026771548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384302387290426,0.0,0.1870231166017576,0.0,0.0,0.4676141126591081,0.1171617182153461,0.0,0.0,0.14452022978116602,0.0,0.119487892715183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389219052678645,0.14099191289408775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832023911700575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468906919870366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254631632755845,0.0,0.3164950517909302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112174320406465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007331802559913,0.1051035306071074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988468302494253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525535374281028
suicidewatch,LaughCoffin,2018/03/18,"The Duality of life How can life be that the closer you are to suicide the clearest it is but living causes nothing but misery and suffering. 

Just how I feel.  The darkness is light but the light is full of darkness. If you understand me?",1.652898550724636,4.370680956521738,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,87.2608695652174,5.67536231884058,25.057971014492754,7.1686216300943375,1.5075188405797104,188,8,34,3,6,62,32,46,0.213,0.716,0.07200000000000001,-0.7847,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,3,0,11,8,7,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805451902849887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730621853865506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233071979661035,0.0,0.0,0.3271063966200958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554483550957395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052025851986051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856423891416681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Boxerissolate,2018/03/18,"9 months ago, I posted here. I posted here because I wanted to commit suicide, more specifically, drown myself.

Life has gotten better, I've made new friends and I'm working on most of my old issues which aren't fully gone. I live a happy life with people I trust and on Tuesday, the 20th of March, I turn 16. I am proud of myself, but I owe all of the people who replied and helped me and kept me occupied!

Thank you guys, I hope I inspire other people wanting to post here to also give life another chance and not give up.",2.5879454926624743,4.3189477735849096,4.0316352201257875,87.13527253668764,75.9811320754717,5.843186582809224,22.155136268343817,6.42735559955562,0.4890557651991618,408,11,81,3,9,135,74,106,0.047,0.7090000000000001,0.244,0.9637,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,3,4,8,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,2,17,16,7,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,16,8,11,12,3,13,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,6,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165185467227867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277909164881034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756280951834507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741176912923187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132891318717147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346003461862727,0.0,0.0,0.3065868373471477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582257793521216,0.0,0.17010862613802225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710966150146416,0.0,0.0,0.15871610816110646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678826553719164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386115205236627,0.0,0.0,0.1411051287695344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120533908356076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754975169038518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433452447085366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768179403534314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323527740695528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591287806044929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747937782720963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712112017574314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381503545237406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885067588995119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633531476378713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoistPaleontologist1,2018/03/18,"How do I carry on? Last ditch attempt here to get something to stop me. Have everything prepared I am ready to go. I have a partner he is keeping me here but he's been so depressed and I think he would be better with me gone. He is my carer, what kind of life is that at his age looking after his mentally ill girlfriend. Been out of hospital for two months worried I'll go back in. People want to hurt children if I die I can stop it all. So how do I keep on going and why where am I who am I. What do I give to the world I am a parasite a drain of resources and all this just to have someone dead. I am turning 30 this year I said I wouldn't live past 25 really need to go now I have been struggling on too long going nowhere. All I do is suck the l life out of everything. Can't work can't help just suck. Sorry the text is so rambly, thoughts are rushing hard to order. ",0.30289473684210577,2.1294123421052618,2.407894736842106,95.61026315789476,83.47368421052632,5.2631578947368425,21.578947368421048,6.339386263674448,0.17336842105263184,675,22,159,6,19,227,114,190,0.229,0.718,0.053,-0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,13,7,2,1,6,0,28,3,0,2,3,25,47,10,2,5,4,0,1,0,2,2,3,1,0,2,7,6,0,4,2,0,0,7,3,5,0,1,6,3,22,2,22,38,3,28,0,2,1,0,13,9,2,1,11,107,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406415213690853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119450116171175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776485507090374,0.0,0.1539532958137489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663650009395323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750142463551858,0.14230105603103485,0.4215246430526944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288332669721376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942904316878252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880082728679848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26370246564730115,0.0,0.15447307781534328,0.0,0.12091673820023988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095535797589036,0.0,0.0,0.13098676387443225,0.13127605778813647,0.12456807429460225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494916316603791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840341561360865,0.0,0.0,0.10999208441362474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160712708559695,0.10284014176683916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503027634243524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110512224916572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256878338106791,0.11419922767608093,0.0,0.1660542648447978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480374352657291,0.0,0.1550769702551372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505015614658813,0.0,0.11776523396793752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135110895800303,0.14490643304099493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749465923748923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385359954386902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799314339672686,0.1506462706632961,0.0,0.10537634006624798,0.0,0.0,0.0955259697038416
suicidewatch,Baby-Janet,2018/03/18,I no longer look for reasons not be here That has depleted. I look for reasons to be here. And that list is getting smaller and smaller. I will work up the courage to check out. I hope it will be soon because I hate everything I am feeling. I am not stable enough to be a mom or a wife. I hate this amazing person picked me. I have no intention of honouring forever.,1.0927000000000011,3.308255253333337,3.0129166666666656,90.15937500000004,83.13333333333333,6.416666666666668,28.04166666666667,7.6454224807358475,1.7875666666666663,284,14,60,5,8,95,49,75,0.165,0.6509999999999999,0.183,0.3637,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,2,0,3,0,11,0,0,4,0,12,18,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,10,4,8,12,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146245869439914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478893995124149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156141055155344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130484202160127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534218190741922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737195444519991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382830682537617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029250894811366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809776947101039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947866886399802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933313663631525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746560955239913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw_me_away_97,2018/03/18,"I had an epiphany this morning. I don’t know what lonely feels like because I’ve never had the alternative, and I’m too comfortable alone to do anything about it.

This makes me want to hang myself.

The only reason I don’t is because of my younger brother, it would destroy him emotionally and it’s not fair to inflict the same kind of emotional instability that I feel, onto him.

Emotions are just chemicals in your brain.

I’ll never post this anywhere on social media for fear of being seen as an attention whore.

I imagine if I posted this anywhere for people to see, the only thing they’d think is “wow that’s depressing”. I know that’s true because I do the same thing.

All of this is true and I know it is because I haven’t had to think about what to say for any of it.

",4.0963636363636375,5.083836656050959,5.2336884771279655,82.960920671685,70.97452229299364,7.747307469600464,28.92240880138969,8.00094639256281,1.835603821656051,613,23,123,8,11,203,90,157,0.125,0.765,0.111,-0.5032,0,3,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,11,1,1,7,0,16,2,1,2,5,26,28,5,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,17,3,0,0,10,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,5,17,6,20,21,3,8,0,2,2,1,7,3,0,1,3,88,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390339589852967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010521839067931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228403507789826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623374535702431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588524817083608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279878074070276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014604722305733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672148044626531,0.1502718939419554,0.10615891180881333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547426365570493,0.24499781068214405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259779886660217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919075888940657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229216893551028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260319528351602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301959995854218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846328780600437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278417070763395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817161809250525,0.0,0.0,0.11841389223231305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147761956246192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974446924957094,0.1904320413019096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764733924220985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556022397686574,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suxhe,2018/03/18,"I think today is the day guys... I already have suicidial thoughts for over 3 years.  
I've never been so depressed in my entire life.  
And I'm not depressed beacause I have no friends or abusive family.  
I want to kill myself because I know I'll never be successfull.  
I will never reach my goals.  
I asked for help and the only answer I got is..  
""That's life, deal with it.""  
So no thanks, I prefer to not deal with it.  
Goodbye folks.  ",0.7855172413793099,3.1012423218390808,2.5869080459770117,92.01139655172415,85.55172413793105,4.859310344827586,21.34367816091953,6.2581,0.3309043678160917,330,11,68,3,10,109,59,87,0.24,0.652,0.108,-0.9271,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,3,16,15,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,12,2,8,10,0,8,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,44,15,1,0.0,0.22367316766389586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083231795452972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648360921595405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150784005974254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174733957470628,0.38924732405463625,0.3251914926761331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796477391271134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458507883453572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509844339838782,0.0,0.0,0.1869216603279944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265351060175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088568545222337,0.0,0.10374842907853488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666814804415797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367958085456209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357552806028284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380305639932728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096245927432522,0.0,0.14987005698137787,0.0,0.0,0.1789411562892505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134720429510474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156798776975118
suicidewatch,throwaway108932,2018/03/18,"I think I'm going to kill myself tonight I've been thinking about this for a long time and struggled to land on a method. I choked myself with a rope the other night and felt myself start to black out. It wasn't painful and didn't take that long so I think that's how I'm going to do it. I wasn't trying to hang myself before, just testing the waters I guess. There's a party tonight that I'm going to go to, hopefully get drunk and then I'll do it when I come home. I don't know why I'm posting this. Either some part of me is still trying to fight it or maybe I just want to leave something behind to say goodbye.. I'm not sure. ",1.1008033573141491,2.5416350935251804,2.6800179856115096,96.47935551558756,79.35971223021582,4.9211031175059965,18.77757793764988,4.7782277997778095,-0.6184105515587532,494,10,117,1,12,162,82,139,0.141,0.789,0.07,-0.8503,0,0,2,0,1,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,6,0,8,3,0,1,1,23,29,9,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,10,7,2,0,5,1,0,6,5,4,0,0,5,3,13,2,17,24,3,20,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,4,10,71,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619417327561776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799557667386348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496061407260498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976149570044148,0.0,0.3905650262605797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926357680497816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723353335332737,0.17064203192462546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007778161081285,0.0,0.09442003371144014,0.0,0.0,0.1819176493474184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040856436417137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172602126480739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122820584340847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828135989173448,0.0,0.0,0.1860490555813697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454256795388744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662695351803375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226458135767513,0.0,0.0,0.121605105688613,0.0,0.13720441975045525,0.0,0.0,0.17960883769889485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192503468582406,0.0,0.1291766610159361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302588651396797,0.0,0.0,0.10018140635563244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332898672664821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133557564770476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502810892122926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CleoMP,2018/03/18,"I wish I was murdered instead of raped I was raped my first semester in college and I lost everything. My job, part of my scholarship and the man I’m in love with. I see my rapist all the time, I reported it but my school did nothing but spin me in circles. My mother’s dead but I just wish I could talk to her. My brother.. is dead.. he killed him self a few years back. My grandma just recently died... she always made me feel like everything wasn’t all bad. I was diagnosed with PTSD after I was raped, and this is no way to live. Im going to start planning my suicide out. It’s time ",0.2328571428571422,2.3909917804878056,2.2266724738675947,94.74676829268292,86.47967479674797,5.790708478513357,21.793844367015094,7.1686216300943375,0.6440527293844367,451,16,103,7,14,150,77,123,0.305,0.619,0.076,-0.9899,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,6,0,3,0,9,6,0,1,2,18,19,6,6,3,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,8,0,1,8,2,24,2,12,10,4,14,0,1,1,5,10,4,0,0,9,67,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210703066958255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132333503409685,0.14259857146764104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635814568753998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334345978977247,0.17724815261402713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30698158692424965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863541668954113,0.12200903505368076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452698682279175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970612079039426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447740460971385,0.0,0.16947803348896226,0.0,0.1889486035704412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343705898839075,0.0,0.15080652733619154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864323029875226,0.0,0.1541403791825459,0.16160115724160967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387307809699006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849438106326228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963884791418074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862985602184827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284381675532234,0.136093753054236,0.0,0.17816628939458728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088269713682437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868113719965536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727073534161846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917253530849144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556140241607395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39278927698975397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998011810772383
suicidewatch,Sayble_XIII,2018/03/18,"I've been sitting here with no lights on, with no sounds, and I haven't eaten at all today... I've sat here for hours contemplating how I want to kill myself. Some ways more elaborate than others. Some of them just to end it and be done. I have so much going on inside of me I feel like i'm suffocating on thoughts and drowning on emotions. I can't think straight anymore. Nothing I once found interest in even sounds pleasing. I just spent almost 3,000$ to build a pair of gaming PC's and here I am trying to figure out a way to end it all....",2.5206981317600783,3.905136743362835,3.8217109144542754,90.0256243854474,75.3716814159292,6.438151425762046,23.17502458210423,6.937597516519254,0.5953508357915438,424,12,93,4,9,139,77,113,0.122,0.8109999999999999,0.066,-0.7224,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,2,21,17,6,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,1,0,5,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,4,11,2,19,9,6,16,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,5,62,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513295582413766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130652635460955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985767823345775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24166802603291485,0.3805720035384881,0.0,0.0,0.14190093450038405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863043247150007,0.1534829727367336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355628645989598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209950451588165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157582458056395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376905395382112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496081576511143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793338939263826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061464314243518,0.0,0.0,0.2287994276399645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358317005484946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766190376922738,0.0,0.17056033322925473,0.0,0.0,0.20364483646599948,0.0,0.0,0.14586343009017266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671921697526778,0.3410627257567507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grumpymeow,2018/03/18,"“I didn’t want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop.” I heard these twelve words while watching a TV show today. It summed up my passive suicidal ideation so well. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to end everything and waste all my time and effort for nothing. Yet, I can’t rid myself of the pain of knowing that existence is futile. I work hard for things that I think I desperately want, but when I finally accomplish my goals, I feel nothing. This guilt…this guilt eats me up inside. I am dissatisfied with my life despite the gifts that the world has bestowed on me. What is the point of existence when I cannot celebrate these things that should have given me joy? 

My lack of gratitude for my objectively privileged existence proves to me that I am unworthy. This life should’ve been someone else’s. I wish I could stop being a burden upon my loved ones, but I also can’t bring myself to hurt them by killing myself. 

When I go to sleep at night, I hope that I will never wake up again. These past few months have been so difficult. Sometimes, I tell myself that I’m fine, I’m happy, I’m great. I used to believe those lies. But now, I start panicking and crying hysterically every time I try to convince myself that I’m ok. The cruel voices inside my head have grown louder and louder as time passed, and now I can’t shield myself from their deafening jeers. 

Yes.
Yes.
I know. I’m worthless and disgusting.

I leave people before they leave me. It’s better this way. 

Maybe I feel this way because I crave attention. Maybe I’m not actually suicidal or depressed, but I’m just doing this because I’m a shitty person who wants the spotlight on her. Maybe I’m not crazy, and I’m just pretending to be crazy so people will care. Or maybe I want to create the worst version of myself so they can stop caring. Maybe then, I can eventually stop this pain in peace. So for now, I continue to exist. ",2.9222273129169665,4.879189241379311,4.1084253677357125,85.95504380676796,75.684350132626,7.222216863596174,23.095329957398924,8.101407402915765,1.238581609195402,1492,44,299,25,33,487,191,377,0.253,0.547,0.2,-0.9817,1,0,0,0,0,3,46.0,0,0,4,5,18,26,3,1,11,3,26,10,3,1,3,46,59,25,5,12,11,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,24,8,1,4,7,3,0,4,10,13,1,1,5,6,57,13,33,48,5,42,0,3,1,1,10,10,0,3,26,192,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.08391650990445951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876836332793633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484075262923234,0.0,0.07317348830766351,0.09688437084545763,0.0,0.07605359064548659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535065964791188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865820581496969,0.0,0.09445898728180373,0.0,0.0,0.07406542119067312,0.0,0.1784937758010161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799204141034565,0.07183590015060498,0.0,0.0761640438842459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245259251641492,0.0,0.07728473011340264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696102654947084,0.0,0.0,0.09420084367705124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488716560005802,0.0,0.0,0.09480729973194076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154087104903597,0.07703260458899322,0.0,0.08825336042618981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854101941825818,0.0,0.0,0.09205700700632327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513822622755046,0.0,0.09451872229911297,0.0,0.0,0.18210779115505346,0.0,0.0,0.12147843112445306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761180547705078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43195632907014864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863858486725098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663229025827596,0.0,0.0,0.08069836143815605,0.0,0.16502470705780278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582709063185441,0.0,0.2745070157681431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208980087188641,0.11923307721896514,0.07508554391170162,0.0,0.0,0.08129093486793554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860548432015261,0.0,0.07286136977625914,0.0,0.08504901895859747,0.0,0.06086610416738107,0.0,0.0,0.2875751254727361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881242013441116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516144528199006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425951118180253,0.055100675732222715,0.0,0.0,0.15042917516532295,0.0,0.08151106291153055,0.0,0.0,0.058383425933594774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427011765044306,0.0,0.0,0.3550452234563204,0.13651406919211598,0.0,0.0,0.07731780081829644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888740744272212,0.0,0.0,0.0626037390872826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,derf9,2018/03/18,This world rejected me.  I've been suffering from social anxiety for a long time now. And for this reason its just impossible for me to get any job. I'm currently 28 years old. I have wasted my life with no skills but a shitty bechelor of arts degree. I feel its too late to do anything new and no matter what I do it won't get me anywhere. I have no place in society because of my social anxiety. I just want to end it all. ,1.5965449438202235,3.341359932584272,4.128525280898876,85.27795646067419,78.8876404494382,8.045505617977529,23.484550561797754,8.841846274778883,1.71880786516854,330,11,71,8,8,116,62,89,0.236,0.736,0.028,-0.9531,2,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,11,11,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,10,0,11,9,1,12,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,9,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615408945921858,0.0,0.3513277272153174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896328030476836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997835809125356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338117652036525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610620306564627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239941037516746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278691541922741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25902901767630193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621921905925074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032124806410212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177498186655548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409546856676431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399111189387137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360945814158557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681511837100644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389722616185726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543982845056016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787212227598578
suicidewatch,030909189395,2018/03/18,"Suicide note I wanted to make a suicide note so that when im finally decided, i could just do it eithout anything holding me back. Ive been thinking bout this for long yet i havent written it until now. I dont know why.  Maybe i am saving me from myself. I dont know if that makes sense but that's how it feels. I thought maybe if my suicide note is all set, i can do it freely and somehow, it scares me. But more often, i believe it can free me.",0.6623940435280637,2.3062395463917507,2.7246735395189,94.72442153493704,81.37113402061857,5.135853379152349,24.179839633447884,5.82211442006289,0.3673537227949595,344,13,80,2,9,116,63,97,0.151,0.764,0.085,-0.7615,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,1,0,12,0,0,3,1,22,21,9,3,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,16,3,4,17,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,58,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308565264159215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370039701490302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589942143618005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882634194377216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075642347783737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879172493967655,0.0,0.0,0.1904733510069501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781659961798625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911160990333388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538753474777803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321280036705423,0.0,0.3493648943048513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408084135737248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.57057844128813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141312476398324,0.0,0.13803862336317135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025569423660384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689661533106952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressedWoman,2018/03/18,"Purely hypothetical question about insurance First off - I am not going to hurt myself.  Every time I start feeling down, I come to Reddit.  Read, comment and sometimes share.  I've been feeling down today. I am pretty sure it's hormonal. Plus a difficult social situation that often leaves me feeling bad / worse. On the drive back home I picture myself either jumping out of the moving car or hanging off the street lights. 

Not important. I will not hurt myself

But for people who do and who have life insurance... does it pay up? I have done a lot of research on it, online. From what I could gather, in case of suicide, they won't pay anything in the first two years after the policy was purchased. It would seem they would pay afterwards. In case of a group policy, through employment, they might pay right away. Presumably, no one goes through the trouble of getting a job, to get life insurance and kill themselves.  I worked with an insurance broker, but it would have been too disturbing to ask.  I used to administer a company's payroll and group insurance plan, but during the time I have worked there, all employees refrained from killing themselves (despite management's best efforts).  

Does anyone have any thoughts on the issues?  Any experience with it?",5.420598509548206,7.806860747787613,5.495850023288308,76.84591290172335,69.84070796460176,8.474708896134137,31.363763390777827,9.134995656068208,3.078490265486725,1003,44,163,21,19,315,140,226,0.139,0.7809999999999999,0.08,-0.912,3,0,0,0,0,5,37.0,0,0,3,7,5,11,2,1,14,0,19,2,0,1,3,36,31,9,3,4,8,0,3,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,10,9,0,1,7,1,6,7,5,8,0,4,5,4,18,3,33,19,4,32,0,2,0,0,13,15,0,6,10,118,28,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700847656394797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744207777182059,0.0,0.10291045004459362,0.0,0.1169104985688391,0.0,0.11749424857902882,0.09616036111187988,0.10441655416995237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312385789832487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772468911032566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984705708589953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887473390835516,0.12797572828609002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536509154497327,0.0,0.0,0.12232878517467208,0.0,0.0,0.18969624560682105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127451756208412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067321923703906,0.0,0.0710722188069244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544138578213868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677501144870682,0.0,0.0,0.13052599563528713,0.1240988046534038,0.0,0.2767119178964128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241626986472482,0.0,0.0,0.17666153234292947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631815724116846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326646761321125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291475957379514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847411964902559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669809912957112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722693208643834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009136424140262,0.0,0.1250898632089862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679715887315744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138463049917935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405682075534134,0.0,0.12747886501231592,0.0,0.0,0.12368360271376808,0.0,0.08851529551725859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679098985972432,0.0,0.11786382007314172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928051199810392,0.14584234335703108,0.0,0.1185384857506057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221615614337058,0.0,0.0,0.10800825027098816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820845457944021,0.0,0.12744276951258374,0.2665086284406751,0.0,0.0,0.08053197757748108
suicidewatch,Notaswordguy,2018/03/18,If anyone wants someone to talk to... I know it's late but I'll be up all night if anyone needs someone to vent to.,-2.2384615384615363,-0.4516590769230717,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,101.30769230769228,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.5574307692307694,88,2,22,0,4,30,19,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707160108905025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498613201847136,0.0,0.3796985886491101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495840613683085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31587557215239986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703988645053539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27054570805644074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853494473665745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hypotenus3,2018/03/18,"I wish it would end I feel so hopeless. I'm almost done my degree but I haven't gone to class since January. I emailed my professors a week ago about getting my shift together because I was feeling good then all of a sudden I lost it again. I can't open their responses. If I can't open their responses I won't graduate on time. Even if I do graduate on time my first two years' grades are so bad that I can't get into the schools/programs I want even if I get perfect. I know that I don't need to graduate on time but I can't admit that I can't do this. I'm with my family this weekend and I'm holding back tears every moment because I'm going to disappoint them. I'm supposed to be this fucking smart kid that's good at everything and I can barely get out of bed most days. When I do it's just to go lay on the couch instead. Every singles day I think about how much easier it would be to not exist. I wouldn't have to worry about the future and if I don't have to worry about the future then I don't have to worry about now. The only time I'm at peace is when I'm asleep, what is death but eternal sleep? Eternal nothingness? The only thing that's kept me alive since October has been the impact that my death would have on my family and friends. I wish that I didn't care about them so I could stop suffering.",1.6914517078916376,3.1940760883392265,3.5606934628975253,90.53642299764431,77.86925795053004,6.978150765606596,22.74573027090695,7.793537801064563,0.919040164899882,1035,31,233,16,24,349,135,283,0.138,0.69,0.171,0.8277,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,4,3,19,12,1,0,9,0,33,3,2,1,2,40,60,19,2,13,9,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,16,9,0,3,5,1,0,3,14,6,0,2,7,2,38,6,27,45,4,40,0,4,0,1,8,11,1,6,26,157,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793025722928502,0.0,0.12192207386210957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362363744971312,0.1016620309899004,0.14844390599193835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241394027781008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972130778726473,0.0,0.0,0.1570464182398502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459971082554155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107840585714819,0.0,0.0,0.16083873482778654,0.0,0.20517109163484007,0.0,0.10942736411038938,0.0,0.22956337619768866,0.0,0.12312802155974588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356646419165988,0.0,0.0,0.09406917632496484,0.1125624086526593,0.25445208318220397,0.0,0.13839464763624135,0.20424803352088014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691447731717028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329121769507833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950542371835947,0.09028129206728476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520340984475206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201437340366349,0.0,0.12184495755705325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179432572909623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088995791807732,0.07801698598456767,0.0,0.0,0.2839900042261461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893892250106315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718154486030347,0.0,0.09766614205796256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800291422196638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709505106600807,0.0,0.25947809386156195,0.0,0.0,0.0784075328403799
suicidewatch,perfectra,2018/03/18,"Called suicide hotline and they hung up on me twice Drank with my medication and now I'm having thoughts of killing myself, only this time I wanna go through with it.",14.293124999999995,7.896469562500003,12.008750000000004,65.96125000000002,56.5,14.05,50.75,8.841846274778883,4.957274999999999,134,6,25,1,1,41,29,32,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,5,0,7,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405225356539348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22553740641486175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43905262375429577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997817987845049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018201746166062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340864207109585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150523447765272,0.2314047909181489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,J_with_the_J,2018/03/18,"Itll be soon I fucked up too hard this time. I just wanted to be left alone and stoned. Two fucking things. Probation and the news and jail have or will take that from me shortly or already. I was going to do it today but I went to AA instead. I got fucking recognized, not from past incursions in AA, but from the fucking news. I still feel like shit. I am shit. I literally fucked so many lives, I'm a fucking human fucking wrecking ball. I threw my life away. It only gets worse. People keep sugarcoating the truth or lying to me because they think I'll kill myself, which paradoxically has pushed me to this point harder. The only thing keeping me alive is finding a way that'll look accidental, and considering you can spot my depression from a mile away, it's safe to say that may be hard. I never thought, as a child/teen, that i wouldn't see 30 or even 25.",2.7410597302504804,4.609427653179194,3.913780346820811,87.54485163776494,75.93641618497111,6.694258188824662,24.25009633911368,7.554174236665415,1.044240385356455,676,22,141,9,15,220,115,173,0.231,0.6990000000000001,0.07,-0.9864,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,0,8,14,10,0,8,0,15,10,2,0,2,26,37,12,1,2,8,0,3,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,13,4,0,3,4,1,0,4,3,11,2,1,5,6,20,3,15,24,0,19,0,1,2,7,4,8,9,5,7,89,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309424234349187,0.12050062720102075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518668735540047,0.0,0.0,0.06656493761062665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405045303513558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212300348500103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055212836245965416,0.07800972570444767,0.0,0.0,0.09980326999844352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.706650335214317,0.05705046269409415,0.0,0.06205866804698173,0.0,0.08733410767039702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563653979418985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411704687370654,0.12080932145954112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864189743209301,0.0,0.0771284446748752,0.05334770562201757,0.0,0.0964221692824681,0.0,0.09169723406816443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070772065125434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421877489166565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609713061930267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424004667021618,0.07570283641773927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322562309200516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868371327133532,0.0,0.0,0.08701516523902306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417648378903965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720415774444011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210188815070138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509009221127472,0.06996846074521794,0.0,0.0866895172410805,0.06367313224155405,0.0,0.10350514816447524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666873662282086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644066972476429,0.08667479268183223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122589172470832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128016911438944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,writingandshitstuff,2018/03/18,Just Tired It’s not like I want to kill myself. It’s that I’m tired of being alive. It’s just gotten progressively worse. Now I can barely focus on even the most menial task because it’s feels pointless in the scheme of things. I never do anything or go anywhere. I’m the least favourite friend. The only thing that really stops me at this point is that I don’t want anyone to have to find my body. I almost reached out to a teacher but I don’t want my parents to know what’s going on. I don’t think they’d understand and I don’t want to let them down. Sometimes I have a random good day and that makes me feel like this isn’t real. Like I’m faking. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. ,0.7521171171171197,2.7334530405405464,2.449891891891891,95.0716846846847,82.7837837837838,4.757477477477479,17.974774774774772,5.6839178017228535,-0.4769825225225226,542,12,122,3,15,178,86,148,0.184,0.73,0.086,-0.8256,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,1,0,6,0,14,3,1,1,1,26,31,4,1,4,5,1,3,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,7,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,1,3,18,6,14,27,2,13,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,8,76,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626287283218387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091147234809565,0.0,0.12841695424048274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951274468598904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333785659014786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064020281478443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307043659423236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367127350150217,0.2229662132311465,0.0,0.0,0.1426280952707536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056487616935554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737514249220535,0.130888458001434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172647683898486,0.0,0.0857617339372914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957306528804666,0.0,0.3049552039748559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416547946970653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035641165887626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868407403153307,0.0,0.0,0.17327654274653648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751895408816793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776205859411686,0.0999704826581512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543387629060944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304659055786212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734714899697027,0.09999139592593073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35871611251308994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245494567427196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681724877854067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902964464431116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thraway7789,2018/03/18,"i have nobody to speak to i wish i had someone to speak to at all times of the day, im so lonely and detached emotionally from the world right now. i have no worth and i have no hope that things will get better for me. ive tried killing myself since ive been 13 and if im not doing that ive done nothing but harm myself physically and mentally. ive felt nothing but emotionally neglect from my parents being treated differently from my siblings, they’ve only given me pity for the fear that my death would be their fault. any other relationship outside my family have been toxic wether it be “friends” who do nothing but attack my apperance or my interests or gilfriends that have taken advantage of me sexually knowing how weak i am emotionally or others who would rather do something better than being their for me. I feel like if i get to into it it’ll be too obvious who i am and id rather she doesnt find out this way how i feel at the moment. ive never done this before but venting is something ive never ever had the opportunity to really do anywhere. I wish there was someone out there who listen to me when i had problems. ",4.369736842105265,5.4359890877193,5.907850877192985,78.0870394736842,70.40350877192985,8.33157894736842,28.72368421052632,8.660442795831766,2.1910210526315783,904,33,172,15,16,308,124,228,0.13,0.708,0.162,0.8033,2,2,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,4,11,19,2,1,5,0,36,1,0,2,5,39,48,18,2,10,12,1,3,1,1,4,1,3,0,0,16,8,0,1,5,0,1,0,6,10,0,0,11,6,34,9,21,28,1,16,0,3,0,0,13,7,0,6,9,136,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135406293145625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609900618323825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179827166665444,0.0,0.0,0.21161008613396756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715293330921913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499028578558925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485074635676496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037106892525198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821425985943414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277868067624094,0.13461959157531225,0.12097936574887948,0.085465335415166,0.11486576400006132,0.0,0.10934175026154504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924276143167913,0.0,0.12500587293984494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882186228355025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25844681509941736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235540936185627,0.0,0.06574678064912254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844629645140925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056121549243835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845356019232917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443712405129565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098575114632146,0.0,0.0,0.1328375060131701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144719495717672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663951150426053,0.0,0.0,0.12844031363857422,0.0,0.10216532622661713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896107062776538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027281105774859,0.18419757071358608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794783809600485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697585532421424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812224754002281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495854730547301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27514247031492395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996669982696436,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paperwhite786,2018/03/18,"I joined this sub Reddit a while ago. It's been six months at my new job, and it took me a while to shift to the industry from academia having done my bachelors and masters in one stretch. These six months, all the while, I've been trying to find a reason to sustain myself through the present. I came across a post 2 months ago on reddit while searching for my answers, and a guy recommended reading ""Man's search for meaning"" by Viktor E. Frankl. I read the book, chapter by chapter, taking it all in, slowly and it helped me discover the positivity in my life. It is all there, we all have our answers, we just need a peek inside.

Anyone looking for meaning, or for a reason to if and why you should be living your life, go have a read. It will help, definitely.",6.5979635761589375,5.839546701986755,6.7752235099337765,80.10601407284769,65.42384105960265,9.139403973509934,32.78228476821192,8.07648339933343,2.2548735099337747,596,21,120,6,8,192,93,151,0.0,0.926,0.07400000000000001,0.8591,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,0,10,2,0,2,4,24,18,11,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,7,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,1,15,0,19,10,4,22,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,2,11,85,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671624150196144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536880293108307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235387951439454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154212361340806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773165695317618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564291709631584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492108289999894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201412755850548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954061962742438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287936724833995,0.0,0.0,0.13306563144174632,0.0,0.12654507198439982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32830005616920704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608477253149327,0.0,0.0,0.1117377491677212,0.0,0.14554127926503682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211420703458493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432327073431067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522045729358718,0.0,0.0,0.30987721985235234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330319231180301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742666506525886,0.10231138693091132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597796614877836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDuckicorn,2018/03/18,"My family can’t stand me, it’s not their fault... but I know they’d be happier with insurance money than with me. And I know they wouldn’t be happy if I killed myself...  it would at least break my little brothers heart, and really hurt my dad. But my sister? Honestly sometimes I think she hopes for it. She doesn’t seem to give a shit about me, In fact she acts as an informant for my mom who turns around and yells at me. My mom is a special case, she genuinely is a great and hardworking woman, but she can’t stand me. She barely could when I was growing up but now she can’t even stand to see my face. She really want to be a good mother, she worked hard to get me in college and takes care of me but I’m an idiot. I’ve messed up a lot of social situations and I have bad anxiety. I’m 18 and I can’t even drive and work a really low paying job because I’m an idiot and I failure. I can’t be mad at her for being resentful that she worked so hard for so long just for me to be a piece of shit. I think if I died and she got my insurance money, she’s be relieved that she got a sort of payment for all the trouble I’ve caused her. She would hurt for a while but I think she’d be better off in the end. I can’t tell any of them I want to kill myself though. My dad will get confused and hurt and ask my mom what to do who will say “she ate too much gluten/missed a pill/didn’t take her vitamins/playing the victim.” And she’d probably yell at me for making him upset. She wouldn’t even be wrong because my dad works a job he hates just to get me through college which I’m barely getting through. I’ve moved dorms 4 times because I can’t seem to get along with my roommates. I get nervous around them and act weird and make them uncomfortable. I have trouble figuring out how to make people like me. But my dad works a lot for me and it would just make him miserable to know I’m still not happy and my mom would think I’m just ungrateful. She hates it when I cry.  It annoys her. I have nothing to cry about but I still do. She hates it. She doesn’t know how to make me stop and neither do I. Lately they keep accidentally letting slip how much they hate being around me. I know they can’t help it. I don’t want to kill myself and have them blame themselves though. But I want to die because I’m never going to change. I’ll always make them miserable and I don’t want to see them like this anymore 

TL;DR I make my family miserable through no fault of their own and I want to die so bad but I don’t want to hurt them. ",0.9161978149193252,2.6780828634686387,2.7059973952680743,94.59057267925623,81.06642066420666,6.0221981043339845,19.29903769625932,7.048011613610866,0.09609799580348756,1960,47,462,24,51,650,208,542,0.295,0.596,0.109,-0.9992,2,0,0,0,0,4,48.0,0,0,14,6,26,47,15,6,18,0,46,5,4,11,3,95,102,45,6,17,18,11,2,2,0,8,0,3,1,1,15,29,1,2,13,0,3,6,20,35,0,0,4,7,101,12,59,75,9,38,0,8,2,0,63,16,2,9,14,304,116,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122120672158373,0.0,0.0,0.04186156677944903,0.0,0.047091719356274035,0.0,0.06104901800976147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439907546949076,0.05754844209188999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279675640158148,0.1501007986459419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444306917630843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276250741285104,0.06323704689857675,0.06512022638128316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049149072607625084,0.0,0.13523719617339247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191662528376336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054522137281673135,0.0,0.0,0.12197548152716722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606285174483075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929691588594752,0.059052065206680875,0.03498484326404696,0.05163194936916471,0.0984671493800403,0.06786793804102101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310593210046673,0.11028779535259614,0.2431032145685696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294655403721803,0.04126104545113357,0.0,0.0,0.06114100689761703,0.0,0.0,0.263596548595387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221736791938153,0.05471559955665674,0.2043144967064824,0.0,0.1691533987058466,0.0,0.06944013159580728,0.0,0.0,0.0629472495393335,0.0,0.06014828156704447,0.061697311250358364,0.0,0.05447691352965335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046688602000475,0.0,0.0,0.28763321005393844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883840517287915,0.0,0.06542643678819088,0.0905044602100325,0.0,0.04747734252440625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906658361488665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267658249953697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636996072839071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183069380867808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895341091072066,0.0,0.0,0.09810754930085636,0.11208022496522198,0.0,0.0,0.12637685267281784,0.0,0.06919379740379042,0.0,0.06275065260098454,0.0,0.0,0.06088245910865324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832063389929116,0.05146526389029498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256794510833204,0.0,0.05380442567074968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777558298511532,0.120960890750534,0.0,0.035894978440647415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695745255242694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541596195168921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407487068638224,0.0,0.0,0.17491621435265609,0.06730403497173508,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,g0ddammitb0bby,2018/03/18,"How are you today? I decided to check this subreddit out, and I’ve seen a lot of posts of people posting their suicide attempts and desire to die. It’s expected, but I thought I’d make a different type of thread.

I know this post won’t magically change anyone, but I thought I’d do a small change and see how everyone is doing today. Perhaps someone had a great day which will help them feel better momentarily (or hopefully permanently), even if it was a minor or major event which improved their day. ",7.692680412371132,6.9208867216494845,8.27703092783505,70.27389690721651,63.22680412371135,11.471340206185568,36.92577319587629,10.793553405168565,3.9762057731958764,400,17,73,9,5,134,70,97,0.051,0.73,0.22,0.9607,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,3,2,3,3,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,3,0,21,16,10,2,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,8,3,6,9,2,10,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,5,5,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226397907094258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546466792004967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699507360996605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255364126508504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814738097919329,0.18268819773387626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154913040199336,0.0,0.0,0.1670832188667924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841288005998953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192780300615312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720286449492245,0.0,0.0,0.17367231169630135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609675494459516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865704570419608,0.0,0.0,0.1167183089092612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122372715260893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023935983419364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393382751323536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815564633129652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126501962757095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27763362331722674,0.0,0.0,0.3314877072965401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abstractquatsch,2018/03/18,"Burning out I’m tired. I’ve been trying really hard, and I’m just really tired. I keep telling myself, “You can’t die until x happens.  Then do what you want.” I never planned to live past 16, but here I am almost done with college. I’m getting to the end of my rope.

I’ve been working my ass off the past couple years to figure out what I’m going to do with my life. I worked my ass off to get into my dream research program, and I did it. But I feel nothing but dread. I threw myself into my volunteer work, and it’s sometimes overwhelming to support people in such dire situations.

I’ve been trying to put my mental health first. I withdrew from two classes to give myself a break, and picked up two online ones. I can feel myself burning out from working so hard the past two years. I can’t get myself to do my homework or do any reading. I’ve put off this project that’s due next week off for over a month. 

Man, this project. I thought I would love the class it’s for, because that’s the area of research I want to work in. Holy hell, I’m barely scraping by. The professor is the main reason I got into my dream program, and I feel like I’ll let him down if I fail or withdraw. But I can’t withdraw, because then I’ll lose my scholarship (and I don’t think dropping is worth losing $1000). It’s been affecting my physical health. Just looking at the project, I get a panic attack or I cry. Stressing about it has messed up my digestion and I’ve been gaining back weight I lost. This professor has done so much to support me, and I would talk to him if he’d understand. He’s very much in his academic bubble, workaholic, thinks the material is the easiest thing on the planet (it is not, but it’s his field of research, so he thinks it is).

I keep waiting for some act of God to kill me. I don’t deserve anything I have. Maybe a wrong-way driver hits me, and nobody gets hurt but me and I don’t have to exist anymore. Deep down, I’m pretty sure I’ll die by suicide at some point. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to exist. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 10. My family doesn’t believe in therapy, and my university only offers the first counseling session free. I just want to go home, but I don’t know where that is. ",2.57147435897436,3.771672087606838,4.103931623931627,88.79384615384619,74.91880341880342,6.823931623931625,25.820512820512814,7.279313950308263,1.1058435897435896,1739,60,378,19,36,580,215,468,0.182,0.7070000000000001,0.11,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,3,61.0,0,2,0,13,11,19,3,4,16,0,40,11,2,3,2,65,80,30,5,9,17,0,6,1,0,2,7,0,2,1,18,20,2,3,11,3,3,6,12,13,0,6,14,7,61,7,55,61,5,51,1,6,1,3,16,26,3,8,18,238,79,24,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865423766767148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053415171830591614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789827371394938,0.0,0.0,0.06463811560815692,0.0,0.0,0.08935941905415899,0.0,0.06039838068707722,0.0,0.09576397359687576,0.0,0.0,0.0884964300514509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691160489973579,0.08628102848548302,0.0,0.08097929383339181,0.0,0.0,0.2445605282918742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076326391362308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957000312041367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404783965398691,0.0,0.1191483260315524,0.05611453702818185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362537284501952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518981911637016,0.07535017087594242,0.08928100681280708,0.0,0.06282182092603235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694595267276695,0.0,0.14072673320168505,0.0,0.0,0.1669851963726122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878980990482276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408700402540692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396337202346409,0.08690146108287669,0.0,0.043167795917457466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032040864885376,0.05548060739287538,0.0383744690224513,0.0,0.0693591131064596,0.0,0.06596033750964082,0.17574970838081871,0.08574416119789609,0.0,0.07089242211752109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891178469190656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915766969203912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269607441869494,0.0,0.11548328611357947,0.0,0.060580876543923565,0.0,0.08353643623130605,0.0,0.0,0.07536869629982595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322599651577815,0.059739112669897634,0.0,0.09215887491032017,0.0,0.0,0.2249481807251792,0.05445512824126525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425302418315277,0.0,0.0,0.07991131261315829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579243921474127,0.0,0.0,0.07856901836506698,0.0,0.10063941562357567,0.08076018167870685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497552060276407,0.08829097576321662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768574530168319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997619624364225,0.0,0.0,0.08591850305654736,0.1782701394798504,0.0740303363225548,0.0,0.0,0.06313371594016734,0.06865420631748304,0.0,0.08982621160973496,0.0,0.05218364298996442,0.15099070324260486,0.0,0.06235814933653167,0.0,0.180558195670243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665754908060432,0.0,0.23018925077297345,0.0817709906119244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648101300228234,0.2316475263134849,0.06234755755688241,0.06300627692897935,0.09565001349980012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859185319959549,0.0,0.0,0.11159615327860277,0.08587964735883431,0.0,0.10116436716681504
suicidewatch,MasterVash,2018/03/18,"My mother died a few months ago. I'm only barely hanging on. I took my mother off the machines on December 10th, and since then I've lost the will to live.  I'm depressed all the time.  I can't even function.  I'd lived with her all my life, and now I feel so alone.  She was all I had.  Most days I just want to die, but I can't pull the trigger without hurting my friends.

All I ever want to do anymore is drink.  I'm destroying my body, but I can't seem to make myself care.  I don't know what the hell to do.",-0.16292839903459466,1.4562071238938081,2.096009654062754,98.33207562349155,83.95575221238937,4.817055510860822,20.007240547063557,5.565023196281405,-0.35934690265486724,387,11,97,2,11,131,71,113,0.213,0.6990000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.94,0,1,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,6,0,10,3,1,2,5,20,22,6,2,2,4,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,1,17,2,10,17,6,13,1,3,0,0,5,3,1,2,7,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067425948515744,0.0,0.0,0.19941239934438407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909470106610557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138674907573688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963064036535365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417176529534857,0.0,0.1658336101868051,0.0,0.3996502924185649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886149783449844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717023320414042,0.17416260277520634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735353385167383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875520008754115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611704584180546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581443200568623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599603208449745,0.0,0.0,0.3400310347932371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101791282628395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285213175930696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368284070573834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643463121851288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528032889821238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927030001721226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122710742028436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139179800121556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271290521225885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560078299940996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeauxBatonRose,2018/03/18,"I'm failing and I want to die I don't really know what words to use or what to say, but I haven't felt this low since I tried to kill myself back in high school. I feel like I'm failing in life and I'm so ashamed and disappointed. It hurts even worse knowing that seeing me like this is hurting my mom and sister and girlfriend. Nothing I try makes me feel any better, and I don't want to keep living in utter abject misery.",3.44058608058608,3.8293779120879137,4.5887362637362665,89.17709706959705,72.07692307692308,6.945787545787545,23.957875457875467,6.42735559955562,0.5313062271062271,334,8,75,2,6,110,59,91,0.378,0.514,0.107,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,3,3,11,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,19,18,9,2,2,2,2,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,5,11,3,8,17,0,6,0,6,1,0,4,5,0,1,3,40,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282758707663735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504595997717185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682920977562107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576968893918734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458930954877982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907554819883574,0.13475836271333422,0.18111579640179715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929950886370693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038677885640403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676643211806398,0.20869277789895413,0.0,0.20733384993832868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323598857904426,0.18431162010164956,0.0,0.1665650474275738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591297363995602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209229025369778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809969867184727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084215242699672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500073192348734,0.0,0.19090512223806105,0.1503148625758138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603790455363756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561367774967281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291702906338892,0.0,0.0,0.22251946127201727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922315872399367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,netsurfer457,2018/03/18,"Finishing my suicide note makes me happy... I just finished my suicide note and wow it felt strange. I thought I'm supposed to feel sad or somber that i've completed one of the steps towards the end. Instead I felt relief.. and a bit happy? Maybe I'm relieved that I've finally done something important for myself, or maybe I'm just relieved that I'm not denying that I want to die anymore... ",3.949004329004328,5.565821064935067,4.739675324675325,83.9390367965368,72.11688311688313,7.2112554112554115,34.91125541125541,7.793537801064563,2.6763177489177488,310,17,58,4,6,100,49,77,0.239,0.58,0.181,-0.742,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,11,4,3,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,8,6,5,7,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903017427313639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094924472209808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119134913294204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991498763637456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636846769087146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699561775175817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970245466995882,0.0,0.36848593524755024,0.2102043758944168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085375654099712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808700503568818,0.0,0.3855554027822533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002855406989935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772507436307633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197895559167719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233796496981425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318075704409775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wishiwasgone16,2018/03/18,"no one actually cares so one of my “friends” sent me the password accidentally to a group chat thats been around for two years- where all my friends talk about the fact they really don’t like me.
I do theater with these people and I go to school couple of them. I’ve known a lot of them like my whole life. I just joined the school district freshman year in the middle of it and I really don’t have any friends at school. Just people who text me about hw.
So yah.... sometimes I wonder if I should just go on and kill myself no one actually cares. (edited",2.3097345132743357,4.163643203539827,3.3320442477876107,91.30001327433628,77.14159292035399,6.289911504424777,21.034513274336284,7.1686216300943375,0.35506796460177004,434,11,96,5,10,139,72,113,0.094,0.736,0.17,0.8540000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,0,9,8,1,0,6,1,6,1,0,0,2,15,12,6,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,4,2,0,16,7,14,9,3,11,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,4,65,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.2939452657369236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241926681735808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407391768004573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071117727967567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664596493262382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490803587761465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118910124419562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666265149851682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637957226425454,0.14715987413650716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804236373637365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061696154076872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088265980536049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929679304184283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572729664858957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895612619562154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105378821123745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471230831081512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814954074302155,0.0,0.0,0.16332900758777474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397448249587426
suicidewatch,rdioed,2018/03/18,"I know I'm gonna kill myself on my birthday. It's my birthday tomorrow. I hate whenever it comes around... ruins my week. I can dampen down the loneliness normally by losing myself in work or study but my birthday just opens me up like a wound. Every birthday is a fucking reminder. One entire year and I haven't made enough of an impact on anybody to get a wish. A text. 20 fucking years and I haven't made  enough of an impact on anybody to get a wish or anything. I wish so dearly to have friends. I. I can't put into words how lonely I feel. After 20 years I've done nothing but exist, it isn't going to change.

I promised myself a while ago that I would kill myself on my birthday because I feel the worst around my birthday. I liked how poetic it is. Perhaps people will read my obituary and find it amusing maybe they'll remember me for it. As I get older and older the year itself is difficult to deal with. I'm not sure I can struggle through another year to do it on my next birthday. 

Maybe this is the year. I guess we'll find out in 21 hours or so.",1.5562316017316036,3.53130326818182,3.3529870129870147,89.6825757575758,79.95454545454545,5.826839826839827,23.658008658008658,6.868970318607317,0.8213463203463198,829,29,172,9,21,277,120,220,0.136,0.713,0.152,0.6979,0,2,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,0,1,2,7,18,5,1,12,0,17,3,0,4,1,36,37,15,2,5,7,0,2,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,6,2,0,3,5,11,0,1,3,2,32,7,27,29,3,32,0,3,0,2,4,14,2,4,17,116,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781238571996527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570422565132085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080286297054793,0.19645727579841146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726405070923003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116728231935376,0.09505069873459034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375875754146045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129191691813847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280275703230619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296871178088943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158544273783387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017029521875663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525070536531917,0.20402059654713567,0.1729489436956054,0.0,0.06271045304477307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155522228859973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894083908832808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086655991387976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441562965877388,0.0,0.060641610921881826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781600358948144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344555945875507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088183735197326,0.0,0.0,0.22170869013503056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735100104313645,0.0,0.10811268315364583,0.10587705625376102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477125257474494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649792233595429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092516238251053,0.0,0.0,0.11037283097147307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499707560930368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535443089497788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399694393182814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851047522716665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806669117831336,0.0,0.0,0.08033099677272351,0.0,0.0,0.07838448041729791,0.0,0.0,0.4263435319666691
suicidewatch,gengar818,2018/03/18,"I almost did it. I had the gun in my hand. But I was too much of a coward to do it. I just want a relief from the constant feelings of worthlessness and emptiness. The only reason I even try to keep going on is for my parents. I wish they were shit so I didn't care. I'm just a waste of space & I hope when I close my eyes tonight, I won't wake up tomorrow. Sadly, I know I will. I just needed to write something out, because there's no one else I can talk to. Thought I had people who cared....they're no different than strangers. ",0.1768421052631588,2.1284227368421083,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,84.78947368421052,4.852631578947369,20.903508771929825,5.985473137389443,-0.05203859649122844,408,13,96,3,12,135,81,114,0.21600000000000005,0.67,0.115,-0.8911,2,0,1,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,0,6,0,11,4,4,1,0,18,22,4,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,7,3,19,3,14,13,1,11,0,2,1,0,5,6,1,2,4,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262358735648893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447946430355792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772459606228601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303502995125425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441496504254167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360483605983229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887352023502012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922437965576724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423680157126408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840100653184686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439908524879532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008166223024977,0.0,0.0,0.12416500761879387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608426253165645,0.1675239464882219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309575396289402,0.17182965268787592,0.0,0.0,0.2508681000551313,0.0,0.0,0.15663114757788024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229327234139746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319135026995065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393165524767773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159366616036746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936287741605814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339137790956184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332591403303812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980790683294275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,starryhyunwoo,2018/03/18,"every day, I wish I was dead I guess I came on here because I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a female,  19 years old, just came home from university this semester because it was all too much. I’ve been on meds since I was 15 and I have tried to end it multiple times, failing every time. I am all alone in this world. My childhood full of different types of abuse and abandonment are probably my worst trials. I try and convince myself that I have potential, and a possibility at happiness, but I don’t believe myself. I am so worthless. I am beyond fucked up. I know other people have it worse, but I’m so tired. Can you at least tell me that it’s gonna be okay? I don’t know why I’m alive. Every day, I wanna end it. Why shouldn’t I?",0.6483227848101265,2.6012076772151933,3.048591772151898,90.79415348101269,82.98734177215191,6.228481012658229,20.634493670886076,7.413659706084162,0.5833151898734177,575,17,130,9,16,198,95,158,0.214,0.715,0.071,-0.9778,1,1,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,0,1,7,8,1,0,2,1,18,2,0,0,2,20,30,8,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,6,0,23,3,13,21,6,20,0,3,0,1,2,9,1,1,9,85,34,2,0.0,0.17021833001829034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879256158337326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247606937359833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751524635293252,0.0,0.0,0.16186011455948945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286266524461355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530277049339006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500982869180343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25448729781364954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363129310408958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281503908539444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826207620723512,0.0,0.0,0.1529329833653669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410669051735295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368619069182138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595783005160129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560955910415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075118528718814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959851815896356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195955708382154,0.0,0.0,0.1548940742592976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884033290621344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556865506414222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675432498408332,0.16512061683645898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507683081435154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592688017688334,0.0,0.1652064926209957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640587418828765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251489607794902
suicidewatch,FEELlikedirtdude117,2018/03/18,"Tonight's the night, I just don't want to be alone It's pretty cold outside but the stars look nice",-0.6360606060606031,1.5458432727272748,0.14272727272727434,107.1007575757576,93.54545454545452,2.9333333333333336,16.424242424242426,3.1291,-1.4425030303030302,80,2,20,0,3,24,20,22,0.117,0.625,0.259,0.6356,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5151888012952328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177170041794313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668055708139607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506066453949475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933978641425293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ftmdiythrowaway,2018/03/18,"No one actually cares about me. If they did then they'd check up on me. Everyone I talk to in real life knows I'm suicidal but no one fucking cares.

A few people have just gotten fed up with me always talking about suicide and now just ignore me.

A few people just ignore me when I try to tell them that I'm feeling really suicidal and struggling because I've already said I'm going to kill myself a lot of times and they think I'm not being serious.

Other people know but think I can handle it on my own but I can't. 

I really want to fucking die. 

There are zero people who care about me and I can't think of the last time someone I know has genuinely asked me if I'm okay.",1.0809821428571418,3.0046054513888905,3.5811507936507923,87.70750000000002,81.29166666666667,6.336507936507938,20.702380952380953,7.447530270364453,0.7274797619047622,531,15,112,8,14,185,86,144,0.263,0.643,0.094,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,4,0,9,11,3,1,4,1,9,4,0,0,0,26,32,11,5,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,1,2,7,0,1,1,5,7,0,3,4,2,20,4,15,26,4,12,0,0,0,2,10,5,2,3,6,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.12552342796548738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194538930968836,0.0,0.1070296995483806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202508269680594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784110938091074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393437761891102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349667803484308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229105990537095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065038728161568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378310251340888,0.0,0.0,0.07310287091928863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230902000374476,0.0,0.21207353672257745,0.10484986880741573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085452383548408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935584474000612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432478829462694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567008350666121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640805452473427,0.16480616588807434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223557116747467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898700280778688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344710436976573,0.0,0.4220980113961021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677436564781404,0.11242748624051667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726096362912905,0.0,0.0,0.15000930293113193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733070247913756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586876456432637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9InMyHead,2018/03/18,"I don't want to hurt anyone... just me 6 months ago I tried to kill myself with an overdose but it didn't went the way I had in my mind. My life just sucks, I think that my life is worth be lived without love. I'm very shy and I can't talk with girls, but last month I was talking to a girl I met and I thought that for once in my life I found love. Last week she just stopped texting me and I went to talk with her in person. She just said that she had a boyfriend and didn't wanted to talk with me anymore. I think that I will never find love. I just want to kill myself and end my suffering but I don't want my mom walk in my room and find me dead on the ground. I really wanted to kill myself and don't hurt nobody.",0.11449275362318903,1.6386270745341631,1.7152546583850956,101.88228157349899,82.60248447204971,4.790227743271221,16.323395445134576,5.2151,-1.0600139958592134,553,9,145,2,15,179,79,161,0.29100000000000004,0.665,0.044,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,5,0,12,6,0,0,1,34,30,10,4,5,9,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,3,5,11,0,1,6,0,1,3,8,7,0,0,11,1,33,3,18,17,0,20,0,3,0,3,17,7,1,0,9,89,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169573975439868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377519704285476,0.08021755874848817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161124805362244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971097660460936,0.0,0.0,0.12578874139156745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456284329705451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807747098859938,0.0,0.0,0.1870304420416811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430984694742204,0.0,0.0,0.10130323027931204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31062816583912983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583834883398506,0.13436314530159085,0.18314290884017728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884820784491851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217711854939475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017240995302773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349501341259929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912861933516232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591424613979156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688426266038745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702077631955113,0.0,0.09107789415262964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788993955960208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465916203479788,0.3383353917133989,0.09106242421011136,0.09202452417437353,0.0,0.0,0.21270025132034345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058966350905453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brouv,2018/03/18,"Why do I always make people run away/push people away. Please help, I am desperate. Today while driving back home I screamed so loud that I think I damaged my lungs... I'm so disgusted with life.  I'm 33 years old now, and I've dealt with the same issues my whole life:  It's the same cycle of finding new people, creating connections, being happy for a short moment(very short.  A tease just to fuck with my mind), then lose them one at a time for random reasons, either they found out I'm actually a loser, or I somehow alienated them, or something.  I honestly don't fucking know most of the time.  I would give anything for someone to tell me what happened.  I'm 33, and still haven't been with anyone, have lost all friends, and my family is nowhere to be found.  Fuck.. It's the same cycle.  The last time I was happy(a few months ago), I had so much anxiety and fear because I knew that I would go through this same cycle and lose everything.  I talked to one of my ""friends"" about how happy I am and how I'm afraid this short moment isn't going to last.  He used to ridicule me about it.  Well, guess what.  He's cut all contacts with me now.  I am sitting at home now with so much anxiety and stress, sleep is the only way to get rid of it, but the feeling comes back as soon as I open my eyes.  I've now lost all connections.  

I feel like I'm out of sync with everyone else... I'm trying so much to change myself, to change my life.  I take classes, I work out, I go out and talk to people.  I try so much.  And always, ALWAYS I'm back where I was.  I think about suicide constantly now, because I am honestly out of options.  I've tried so many things.  I'm trying to improve myself on a daily basis.  I ask people for help and suggestions.  And yet, here I am, posting on on suicidewatch.  Is it all just hopeless? I'm too old to be going through this.  I feel so damn behind in life, and I’m getting too old and exhausted to keep pushing forward.  It just hurts so much.   It hurts to have no one else to connect with or talk to.  ",2.0109420289855082,3.711336640096622,3.431231884057972,90.9451086956522,77.52657004830918,6.435748792270532,23.818840579710145,7.279313950308263,0.8638869565217391,1555,51,338,19,36,510,189,414,0.149,0.775,0.076,-0.9806,0,0,1,0,0,3,69.0,0,0,3,6,35,30,8,3,12,0,23,11,3,5,4,68,63,32,1,2,8,0,3,1,2,2,5,2,2,0,15,28,0,1,11,0,0,9,4,22,1,3,9,6,42,8,54,49,17,57,0,9,1,3,18,18,4,8,30,217,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.07223173542992503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561325826987131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476887700315064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324845909887295,0.0,0.0,0.05175571181894541,0.0,0.060911219533971425,0.0,0.06919764747959839,0.0,0.13908632147804334,0.17074781609487458,0.0,0.09024242684557224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660429040732302,0.06376069859557068,0.0,0.0799880979789675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366652855216667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072819804460846,0.06652338359495809,0.0,0.06977839893295301,0.08329180221658927,0.112278487324857,0.05287909234067186,0.0,0.0,0.06765190215055207,0.0,0.0,0.16231573114664286,0.11437358382889624,0.2052877454386845,0.07734360447077075,0.07100564051046687,0.1682665082365929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154012536722678,0.0,0.0654546383573862,0.1575889175125827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922657065879432,0.0,0.14849391455795807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847745293797386,0.0,0.0,0.07725646493223985,0.0,0.06579136866486908,0.0,0.0,0.04067883274731656,0.12067050918402145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912685495175867,0.03616187887183931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561635452232434,0.16160067097693054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940816752248205,0.07504351195032102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473795380175657,0.0,0.059081152303168585,0.0,0.27206191450609823,0.0,0.0,0.07148788159175185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330110442531918,0.0,0.15047129676585902,0.05629468267081717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565768076502913,0.0,0.0,0.08125048692894453,0.0,0.0,0.07088961249543771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610372161304711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407232109239552,0.0,0.06271594458268816,0.056983338937219775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911156164462523,0.0,0.08478836040722351,0.0,0.0,0.08096462516687489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565297513431617,0.17848068103991754,0.0646957510068109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491748452803441,0.09485660059102373,0.0,0.0,0.12948298724356294,0.0,0.07016122974538487,0.0,0.0,0.2010158039379535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392853437999234,0.0,0.061073315963859225,0.0,0.058752730181307174,0.0,0.0,0.0665518494404644,0.0,0.06679051326345126,0.08263942002375076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388661568295687,0.0,0.0,0.10516175676757973,0.0,0.0,0.0476657226122442
suicidewatch,goklissa,2018/03/18,"Crisis Hotline is so unhelpful and I feel like it is my only outlet. I call the suicide hotline at least once a week. It never helps and I am consistently told that I am not trying to fix myself. I'm in a crisis when I call. I am actively self-harming, crying hysterically, or planning suicide when I call. I am a wreck despite having a great job that I love, eating well, exercising, focusing on school, volunteering regularly, drinking very little, and maintaining a decent social life. I AM JUST DEPRESSED. I HATE MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING IN IT AND WANT TO END IT ALL. I am told that I need to improve my attitude and fix my habits but I try soooo hard and attempt to be positive constantly. 

When I call I am often super angry and I am met with ""Hi, this is blahblahblah why are you calling?"" in a dead monotone and they are always eager to get off the phone with me. Yet that's the only person that I can share with. I never feel better. I wish I was dead and that's the end of it. I am lonely, I am angry, I cannot see a future, I am in pain. Every little thing sets me off, but I maintain composure well enough in public before I go to my room at night and spend hours screaming and crying because of my anger. 


Thanks for listening. ",2.726011904761908,4.4782441088709675,4.812488479262676,81.59349462365594,75.65322580645163,7.304454685099848,24.712749615975426,8.11559375814309,1.5689878648233484,961,32,186,16,21,332,135,248,0.257,0.623,0.12,-0.9909,1,2,1,0,0,3,33.0,0,1,1,4,9,16,2,0,11,0,21,7,0,0,3,29,37,19,4,3,5,0,3,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,13,15,2,0,2,2,1,1,4,6,2,0,4,6,38,10,22,32,3,28,0,2,1,1,19,13,0,2,14,135,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807780406831797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452673404150985,0.0,0.09007272650199606,0.0,0.0,0.09361798143205696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404364600371006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438900537565296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232548118830037,0.0,0.0,0.09117064910330312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369520380667643,0.0,0.10831358820809847,0.0,0.0,0.18750788715243527,0.10937398379390828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918534159055712,0.0,0.09513344954959647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704446298623388,0.07562108527205215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055303590228546994,0.0,0.06015844544859384,0.0,0.0,0.11670281377379013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482309625184447,0.10450748172302474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095073524239177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424344268829984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504232589471572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953357774278025,0.05171421075360759,0.21218413386427432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553606216868536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784883270649848,0.1632800295111743,0.0,0.0,0.09933545068148672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272951467676075,0.0,0.1610112734608596,0.1126345799369412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242636667225833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071284352003149,0.08435078025311793,0.0,0.11042729874050217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790334782604112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23157102562650356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974548093965414,0.0,0.0,0.07032373294585988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229330189754813,0.0,0.14373387077722447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873394422997258,0.06243457851791372,0.0,0.0849085333792917,0.0,0.19034831570583613,0.0,0.09551546509762586,0.0,0.12172521238333416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somebodyhelp2233,2018/03/18,"Been having suicidal thoughts for 8 years. This month has made it much worse I just don't get it. It has been two years since I have had sex. The two women I was involved with chose me and wanted to date me, that's the only reason why I am not a virgin.

I have never talked to a girl, escalated sexual attraction, and then proceeded to connect sexually with any woman.

Whenever I use those dating apps, I follow all of these Reddit guides online, literally say what they say, follow their advice to the T... I only get ignored and I don't even know why.

Why is it that I can get women to be attracted to me, but when I open my mouth they can't wait to walk away? Why is it that when I text a woman, she will simply ignore me no matter what?

Why can't I be comfortable with my sexuality?

Why am I 5'9"", considered short by many women, and so I cannot feel manly or masculine because I am short?

Why can all of my friends drown in pussy around me by doing nothing, yet I am avoided like the plague?

Why can I never enjoy myself in party settings where everyone is hooking up?

Why are there no therapists in my area, so I am trapped with my thoughts, unable to speak to anyone about them?

When is the suffering going to stop?

Why am I repulsive?

I really want to get a helium tank to kill myself. I've thought a lot of times about driving off the highway and dying in a horrible car crash.

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suicidewatch,alexanderstuff,2018/03/18,"sometimes you drive a car and loose control look. life sucks. honestly. thats just the way it is. theres no shortcut. 
whenever you feel lonely you are lonely. 
whenever you feel alone you are alone. 
thats the shortcut most of you ask for. its the truth. 
but what i learned way to late is that, if you have nothing to lose you have everthing to give. so leave your shit life behind. i know i did. and try again. maybe i wont succeed.maybe you wont but if youre on this sub and you feel like nothing to loose. just try giving for a month. and see what happens. ",-0.3735964912280672,1.8606384824561424,0.853684210526314,100.22245614035087,98.38596491228071,4.287719298245613,17.736842105263158,6.139981653823899,-0.29940000000000033,433,13,98,5,18,135,67,114,0.17800000000000002,0.716,0.106,-0.6987,0,6,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,12,0,2,5,8,2,0,5,0,9,3,1,1,1,18,20,9,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,5,16,3,9,17,1,8,0,3,2,0,15,1,2,3,4,62,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34536962300378576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587258371610693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700492038617908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529152153651106,0.11911388678543212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31989043118977945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744119155173915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163194116894006,0.0,0.1880817678459848,0.1765458736600175,0.0,0.0,0.2355364986603396,0.08145718383626191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001349009627234,0.18653126244391852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33501085050768714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308446448464664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199690787331783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286438898868894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711487386276087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490292107478918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640114128747724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646893409616473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VincentVonValentine,2018/03/18,"I'm only here so I don't upset anyone I hate my life. God, I want to end it so bad. But I am scared to. I always back out last minute. I just want to go through with it, be done with this. I don't want to upset my parents, or my brother, dogs, pets, whatever.

Would my friend online for four years wonder why I'm suddenly not messaging him back as soon as possible as I always do? Would the person who I think of as a lover care... probably not, since I've recently found out he has had a girlfriend since before we were talking. I can't leave him though, who else would pay attention to someone like me?

I'm not anyone special. I'm tired of this body. I'm tired of this life. Nothing interests me. I don't know what I'm doing any more. I was always focused on not being alive this long and now I don't know what to do. 

I would miss my animals, the shitty memes my best friend sends me, and the YouTubers who keep me company. 

I don't know what I'm doing. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again so I don't have to deal with this any more.",0.4734521425710874,2.2349651497797405,2.625280336403684,94.61843311974371,82.52422907488987,5.889387264717661,19.12875450540649,6.980632752743323,0.09394449339207034,807,20,191,10,22,273,118,227,0.113,0.7290000000000001,0.158,0.8187,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,1,0,0,1,12,14,1,3,5,0,24,8,3,0,1,34,47,13,0,8,8,2,0,1,4,4,4,0,1,1,13,9,0,1,7,0,1,3,12,6,0,1,5,0,30,8,25,36,3,19,0,1,0,1,18,4,0,2,13,123,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29569652183824674,0.0,0.0,0.16110930722719013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565543091831247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217186122700407,0.09890644022186663,0.0,0.0,0.10079797144832298,0.0,0.12431305332947605,0.0,0.0,0.13157874763303154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207745536902585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212371019438435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122238490053965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895541650140127,0.0,0.10491752270376592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298817147080345,0.18303878595204687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464340432880045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695151871105115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528980419601656,0.0,0.0,0.19530219944373264,0.09655806332999714,0.0,0.12542859687230326,0.0,0.0,0.16733901465221362,0.057871985688133676,0.0,0.0,0.10483049816170198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136114999463214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366244862033015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900916979836632,0.0,0.0,0.1315322050086236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343186701133188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354218975499946,0.0,0.0,0.12771641407956374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696175215914888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859587399168495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959772991882819,0.0,0.11854230034170568,0.0,0.1003680218102148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521105043018184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590230379461366,0.11638315768898495,0.0,0.0,0.2722972221345947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794754464414835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688879417423236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846129483379193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33659311255155583,0.0,0.0,0.0762822647187867
suicidewatch,MockChef,2018/03/19,"We were together five years. She left me today, because she can't deal with my depression any more. I loved her so, so much. I really tried to get better, for myself, and for her. I was getting better, I made so much progress. Now it all feels like it was for nothing, and I feel so alone, and so worthless.",1.5131182795698948,3.5276065483870984,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,80.29032258064517,6.068817204301076,21.623655913978496,7.1686216300943375,0.5635397849462369,234,7,51,3,6,76,44,62,0.13,0.657,0.213,0.7238,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,9,10,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,2,13,4,5,6,4,4,0,2,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24506477833653198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090828213997393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424007219561194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185385980291708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24394265923107375,0.20379864569500128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392822339240402,0.16903987101120768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472461675221493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25708603455969464,0.0,0.0,0.11559955115411436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355688784172672,0.2238935728273305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478827559209103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22704125126091695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515834820762109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242860968516556,0.0,0.0,0.1606480182657677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237416614718294
suicidewatch,temporary1576,2018/03/19,"going nowhere 21 here, feel like I'm not doing anything, not going anywhere, everything I do fails. I have no real friends. I feel surrounded, yet the most alone I've ever felt in my life. I've tried dating, had an amazing date the other week, genuinely interested and thought it was the start of something amazing, planned it for ages. Turns out she's not interested at all and it just catapulted me back into the lonely mess I was before. I've never shared an intimate bond with someone. 

I was sexually abused by a family member when I was a kid, got bullied greatly my first year of middle school, the police had to get involved and all that stuff. I went through the rest of middle school as a lonely, depressed mess and always thought of just ending it. I've been through years of therapy, pills, but nothing helped. I thought I finally made a bond and could ""feel"" something again. I'm completely devastated.

I'm now in uni, studying something I'm not even sure about, having my parents still breathing down my neck, but still expecting nothing of me. My mother has threatened to kill herself in front of me. My father has hit my mother once in front of me, ending up in a hospital visit. My brother went to jail twice and I saw him almost die to a heroin overdose.

I've never felt so desperate, lonely in my life. I'm thinking I should just hang myself and get it over with. I've tried so many things in my life, but nothing ever worked. 

For the people wondering if I do drugs or drink to cope with the pain, I don't. I've never touched drugs and will never do, due to what I saw it do to my brother.

This is a throwaway account, but I'll reply if you ask me a question. It's the only time in my life I can share this with other people, as I'm sitting in front of my computer, crying, ready to just end it all.",4.350745856353592,5.3016978646408885,5.345045303867405,82.53172265193372,70.353591160221,7.780950276243094,29.39712707182321,7.976525956113202,1.931746607734808,1425,54,278,18,25,469,186,362,0.171,0.78,0.049,-0.9931,1,7,6,0,1,1,48.0,0,1,0,4,18,19,1,0,19,0,22,11,2,1,10,57,52,20,2,5,15,6,6,1,1,2,8,0,0,1,16,14,1,0,11,1,1,9,10,9,0,2,18,8,38,10,44,30,5,55,0,5,2,0,19,18,0,7,28,187,54,5,0.0,0.1099713109351792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294141811965312,0.09612897185026258,0.0,0.0,0.07723001608590464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637933196412403,0.0,0.08677005859376981,0.0,0.0,0.07136946869799611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897924102711215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097315392704274,0.0,0.0,0.0741057056450547,0.0,0.10195358040522956,0.0,0.0,0.07994194191477566,0.0,0.09632794108130108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092395459597337,0.2152732624075806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466212224668566,0.0,0.0,0.06130382969195449,0.16791405142899676,0.0,0.0,0.0834166782056019,0.0,0.08749828909684948,0.0,0.14079107135643662,0.06630748454473458,0.17823506651333254,0.10167495509364632,0.0,0.07894890356357814,0.0,0.0,0.07170910379098316,0.0,0.0969846423429464,0.0,0.1054984909953976,0.0,0.0742331157081978,0.10232952876560364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221234148647095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268671172986417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622336180293541,0.04534501479252477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782436670771783,0.0,0.09410045234458904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863404563509298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671772198288469,0.0,0.0,0.09884558685284124,0.0,0.07059044767821973,0.09876234441099188,0.0,0.1030607419270286,0.0,0.0,0.12869330357036812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397471597942187,0.0,0.0,0.1056444748865252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786868862808406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864235829415883,0.21436195471424,0.0,0.0,0.06569536074602375,0.0,0.14824531914861958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062516582404098,0.0,0.0,0.08747760636578047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061427297356701,0.0,0.06166256168713016,0.05947248996951534,0.0,0.2210556609222529,0.05412152387277233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603140223164708,0.10095672219912984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445107729555704,0.0,0.0,0.17208198568708444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065456101499523,0.06757086361366081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954040909261306
suicidewatch,ArtistOfCons,2018/03/19,"I’m just too sensitive. I’m just so fragile. You say the smallest thing to me and I overreact. I try to be myself but when I do people judge me. I need help. I joined this app because of the community. I thought this would be a place where I could be myself behind a username. This pain that this all gives me makes me want to die. I would’ve done it all ready but I care about everyone around me too much, but I’m still in so much pain. Somebody please help me.",-0.7240816326530606,1.4518974081632692,1.1073469387755104,99.59122448979595,95.32653061224492,4.4326530612244905,17.20408163265306,6.18269132825596,-0.4275591836734698,358,10,85,4,14,116,60,98,0.146,0.677,0.177,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,1,2,15,16,7,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,18,1,8,9,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,61,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808565109563468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384516149501135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071363493464405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220766016786098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108492159352124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790440949807587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412920098159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489070326363805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27234929505749395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561165628813304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986936669715938,0.15064143079956924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323556104122593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084637255467994,0.0,0.2122601784630477,0.22300995279045208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156191398475975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224477009308447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497125172970062,0.0,0.0,0.16128727297015066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379330962826764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982971979412255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28863972756998235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zgarves,2018/03/19,"I feel this is the easiest option for me. I'm nowhere near being good at anything. I don't like myself, I feel like an impostor most of the time. I know no one's going to hire me. I know I can never be happy in a relationship. More than all of this, I know having any of the above isn't suddenly going to make me happy. In fact, nothing's going to make me happy. For the first time today, I approached the idea of killing myself very bravely. I feel like this is the easiest option for me. I can escape years of embarrassment, loneliness, struggle and pain if I just end it right now. I brought a razor and I'm sitting on my bed holding it for a while now. But still, some part of me doesn't agree, which is why I'm here, and if this part of me didn't exist, I'd probably be well on my way to being free. I don't see a reason why I should hold on but something in me says it's the right thing to do. I wish that part didn't exist. Good night. ",1.3551470588235297,2.687764220588236,3.55078431372549,90.97852941176471,78.36274509803921,6.368627450980393,21.313725490196077,7.048011613610866,0.4052725490196076,727,19,168,8,17,250,103,204,0.15,0.774,0.076,-0.8512,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,6,15,1,2,12,0,18,1,0,3,3,29,35,8,1,4,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,10,3,0,2,8,0,1,5,8,4,1,2,3,5,27,12,25,27,7,30,0,0,1,0,2,10,0,6,16,117,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352192347676969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107053034724424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087822107046747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630469636518449,0.17548549997991292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044707690982722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940458946565288,0.20603145347559684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39223304651522495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864901588891654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588231459037725,0.0,0.20249625099289484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001118532315022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396682690608938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472648241036603,0.0,0.0,0.11525840422587225,0.0,0.11784926022259393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322612201014418,0.0,0.13068931438998113,0.0,0.0,0.39900680793160304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242091033807735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627958467552616,0.0,0.1318628924051608,0.0,0.2097754986439492,0.0,0.09767152437350524,0.0,0.0,0.09787176944870413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455296300757003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980843419453132,0.0,0.0,0.12839830295044274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159625977372062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432348511136883,0.0,0.1164191548689314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133949840044533,0.0,0.09748892969482284,0.0,0.0,0.11043007790684968,0.0,0.2216521898379247,0.0,0.14123712770322425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909215905810721
suicidewatch,ShinyHunterCyon,2018/03/19,"I think I was a mistake. I honestly think I was a mistake. I’m the only girl in my sibling trio, I have no self confidence, I lose trust in my parents every day, and my only excuse for a redeeming quality is the fact that everyone who sees my crappy drawings likes them. 
I should just overdose on my anxiety meds.",4.761666666666667,5.186725761904763,6.660436507936506,75.36303571428572,69.15873015873018,10.109523809523813,34.79761904761905,10.125756701596842,3.684114285714287,245,12,46,6,4,86,44,63,0.215,0.588,0.197,-0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,13,3,4,6,0,4,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,2,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847765452869827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418368248172087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406241900938211,0.2728960895500803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395261806144781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195052098328364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172291375348044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434412276519174,0.0,0.0,0.31711692582231177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275804276824948,0.0,0.2979354998231585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36599257559167336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zechs1125,2018/03/19,"Mental health help I dont understand why seeking and actually getting help with depression and anger management is so expensive and frustrating.
No wonder so many of us would rather self medicate or ignore our problems...because trying to find a therapist that actually takes me insurance is a nightmare...then there is the issue of it being too expensive for me to keep going more than once or twice a month.

Any suggestions or input would be greatly appreciated",7.299999999999998,9.446850296296292,7.884876543209878,62.57694444444448,64.55555555555556,11.819753086419757,36.95679012345679,11.538034831475384,5.3501012345679015,378,19,54,13,6,125,65,81,0.16899999999999998,0.731,0.1,-0.7408,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,15,14,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,7,10,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,4,1,40,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.3621518288791006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261844605572214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311323108219537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981913315652405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217470280333188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959484598526015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694536495791793,0.0,0.10545576562413628,0.0,0.0,0.20457617355692004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723737847504347,0.0,0.0,0.2487485855323645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367228200607145,0.0,0.1649307215493702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812468603004195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869281745479728,0.18699683080184604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810904951629375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761111162411174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357540321476305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951503869797466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544484772757946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598036132670026,0.0,0.0,0.19317036688227796,0.22320105217247987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743545192541284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122759473139248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26362735378596497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azaraphale,2018/03/19,"I don't have a reason to live. I've been thinking about suicide for years now. There aren't many days that I don't think about ventilating my skull or some such. And the thing is, is that for me the question isn't ""why I shouldn't die"". I mean that one is easy enough for me  to answer. It'll hurt folks around me, things might get better, somebody would have to live with finding my body, or the paperwork would be ridiculous.

But I can't for the life of me figure what I've got to live for. My personal life is a train wreck at any given point. I'm bitter and angry most of the time,  and I fundamentally don't understand how to connect with people. I can ace the small talk, but thats about it. Professionally, I'm mediocre at best. It doesn't matter any more how much work I put into a project, because I'm lacking the natural talent necessary to be successful. 

It seems to me that the best I can hope for is a life of struggling just to be content. A life where I spend all of my energy on not being miserable all the goddamn time. And I don't really want that, nor do I want to look back one day and say that all I've accomplished is not killing myself. So if I don't have a reason to live in my personal life and I don't have work to live for, then whats the fucking point? I don't even see the beauty in the world that I used to. 

Dunno, just figured I needed to get that off my chest. These aren't really problems for y'all to figure out, its all stuff I need to do.",3.3274927734672133,3.817393348242813,4.624135098128711,88.45682641107565,72.38658146964856,7.878837669253006,24.48942644150312,7.957251820313856,1.029440407728587,1150,30,264,15,21,382,151,313,0.078,0.752,0.17,0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,1,0,9,15,14,4,2,18,0,36,9,3,5,4,55,57,16,3,11,9,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,20,11,0,0,13,0,1,1,16,8,0,2,3,4,31,6,41,45,12,23,0,2,2,1,6,14,1,10,8,185,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774608716379586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015958678986156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787713046267399,0.0,0.06173860441778061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257166298123933,0.08957285081725566,0.0,0.11249789321484847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306328693811923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511138406442824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046480535448288,0.0,0.06689367918632039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256697034823297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363060037636717,0.10582796512858836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100189257567518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005926809879456,0.0,0.0,0.10842102897806842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120499646705954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576809883752229,0.0,0.0,0.4471550924644916,0.0,0.08504866771534772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268078686204313,0.0,0.11032228260736612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744078091500148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074451556785278,0.15019386454492545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725824525464356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021395405248035,0.17686544885660782,0.0,0.0,0.19148236710249145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691011472166702,0.0,0.10181314755955008,0.11345541264168416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297635600664602,0.20826290815202514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054095110438665,0.0,0.0,0.08070607526840412,0.0922003977940963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058785711203977,0.11593997267484454,0.1107825474056792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140404721012294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457024267594553,0.1297907058799797,0.0,0.0,0.11811294247723488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543478205052996,0.0,0.08747234827469598,0.0,0.0,0.1194736972935488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138834628836376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746431652403108,0.0,0.0,0.14389107934924789,0.0,0.0,0.06522021393952337
suicidewatch,samisror,2018/03/19,"Someone i know of is going to try to kill himself Please, this is serious.
A friend of one of my dearest friends is going to try to kill himself, I'm not speculating or guessing it anything, he said on a message that they shouldn't get close to him unless they want to get hurt or something between the lines.
The important part is that soon, on my country, we're having a holiday, an entire week without school or anything. And we know for a fact that he'll try to commit suicide during that week.

Please, I need advice, I'm out of ideas.

thanks in advance",5.126409266409269,5.5878773423423445,5.689781209781213,82.51297297297299,68.36936936936937,7.784298584298584,32.97425997425998,7.447530270364453,2.18964761904762,439,19,85,4,7,142,71,111,0.14400000000000002,0.659,0.197,0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,2,1,1,7,2,0,7,0,6,0,0,0,2,19,20,5,3,3,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,4,0,1,1,1,10,3,19,17,1,11,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,4,3,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757451081934312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26539486690186137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491672493967197,0.0,0.16849601576916648,0.0,0.1832875285504068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763829787488492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262461189913605,0.18203494624739724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35680498233393604,0.0,0.17724080202787662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956701490973562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926916826177774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746212246044537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35401461880421364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338847650491644,0.0,0.0,0.16319658843342907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662909635115802,0.1241403945658373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638454856365002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846004602052554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284404926102957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511116442007572,0.0,0.2586947704496222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544208390236194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sucidalpoet,2018/03/19,"Looking for advice I am really sorry you are reading this, I really didn't mean to waste your time with this meaningless rant. The English I am using is far from perfect, so going on would cause you also unnecessary suffering.   

I am better off than most , I was blessed with many talents and whatever I am doing would come easier to me than most. I haven't gone hungry due to the lack of money for a long time now. I am charismatic and well liked in the community, I can be funny and social when I want.  

With all of that I have been flirting with the idea of ending it all recently. The thought has always been there , but recently it has been gaining momentum, I have decided on the way to go. I will tell my brother that I am just going for skinny dipping in the cold water, I know no one will be there, it isnt a popular thing to do. the sun will be on its way to shine its last rays of light, I would go to one deserted beach, I would take few strong pain killers bills , I would smoke a joint in my car and take few sips of my whisky then take off my clothes and jump in the water and swim till I cant swim anymore, I will then rest on my back waiting for the bills to kickoff and dive slowly when it gets dark till I cant get to the surface and let go.  

I know I most probably will not dare do such a thing , I am a coward. I have told a close friend of my thoughts and he dismissed them stating that it is just a phase due to recent disappointments. I used to think it is so, but this time the urge is stronger than ever, and nothing brings me joy other than thinking about it. The guilt I feel of having such thoughts is only making it worse.

I guess I am looking for an advice , I have no access to psychological help and admitting to having such thoughts will bring me and those close to me a lot of misery. I am not sure where the thoughts are originating from. 

",7.722867647058827,5.183777500000005,7.877224264705883,78.81887867647059,64.36458333333334,11.11862745098039,34.04656862745098,9.325443323948027,2.6962581495098044,1456,44,317,20,17,477,188,384,0.135,0.765,0.099,-0.9611,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,1,4,18,16,0,1,23,0,52,4,1,5,5,62,87,23,0,7,6,1,1,1,1,11,1,0,0,0,20,19,3,1,14,4,3,13,9,4,1,2,12,6,45,12,50,60,10,52,1,2,3,0,12,15,0,5,22,239,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920680586719629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859116674562791,0.0817733851236404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974632419003253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556806725793226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691700855987979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095637571029756,0.0,0.08465594822962068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704323882747438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889613838679593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969122578451754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592768276324878,0.0,0.1026901574197099,0.0,0.27926216940488485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082619353892126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587223488543481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094147954004244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801968093045508,0.08010793955631262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049372141958507,0.0,0.0480126192637561,0.0,0.0,0.08697104022991399,0.16505393570430368,0.0,0.0,0.0835506186150071,0.0,0.0,0.06559989717857688,0.09963629324281932,0.0,0.10705121802244433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429833459668424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318852720286173,0.07474321716598452,0.10457244002448986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059579948747403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830245110315412,0.0,0.1259160600355061,0.0,0.29110665590953483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017985928741932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001177512104443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262383147876553,0.0,0.2216736399805848,0.0,0.08589743005559668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305802241176074,0.12594240097346346,0.0,0.3901002617568061,0.17191632629742193,0.0,0.0,0.09390679217643763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697575721745343,0.0,0.0,0.05796564626222321,0.156013600670402,0.0,0.0,0.08836179723427384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015149347098593,0.34906174307783683,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iamdone123,2018/03/19,"I am done. I met this girl on okcupid a while back who claimed to be 18 and in nursing school in town. She asked for my number so I gave it to her. Later she sent me an explicit image which I was uncomfortable with, and I tried to explain that as politely as possible without shoeing her away entirely. She wanted to meet at a hotel which I said no to. I asked if she really was 18 and she said yes and then I asked if we could have coffee together and get to know one another before discussing anything of that nature. I had intended to meet for the coffee, check her ID, and inform her that I was simply looking to make new friends and find dates, but not to have sex (As I decided to be abstinent a while ago) and hope she would still be interested in talking. Well she doesn't show up to the coffee place. Then this morning I got a text from her number claiming to be her dad saying she was in a car accident and that he wants me to pay 4000 dollars for damages or he will go to the police. I was absolutely terrified but then realized I never did anything wrong in the first place. I never sent illicit images and I rebuffed the one she sent, even though I thought it was coming from an adult. So I offered to help pay for travel expenses out of the goodness of my heart since I felt bad that all this had happened, but that he needed to know that I hadn't done anything illicit or intended to and that I was under the impression she was 18. So I began to think its a scam, but now I got a call from someone claiming to be an investigator and I looked up the number and its for the local sheriffs department. This investigator guy starts telling me all this stuff about how Im going to be in trouble and what not but that he is going to see if the dad will settle this civily. Im so lost and confused. I have ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD and I am seriously going to kill myself. I can't deal with this shit anymore. I never meant to do anything wrong! ",4.7289473684210535,5.039518155388475,6.0128461152882196,80.37996090225566,69.20050125313283,9.090766917293234,29.995087719298247,9.065960079200117,2.358073403508772,1540,56,313,27,25,520,194,399,0.14800000000000002,0.77,0.08199999999999999,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,0,2,12,17,2,1,20,1,33,4,3,4,6,63,70,41,1,9,13,2,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,3,25,22,0,0,11,3,5,11,10,11,1,3,28,7,51,6,54,32,2,46,0,3,3,1,50,17,1,7,18,237,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871617570206937,0.0,0.08756384614800795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358102339526754,0.07556758276083195,0.0,0.09796471192775713,0.0,0.0,0.32515505534096195,0.0,0.2770421246016652,0.0,0.09280847786207376,0.07595688174862568,0.08247843254725677,0.0,0.0,0.08405578716968931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086696345893814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509152188645007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886899571017722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183939661657522,0.08508036755143464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217555649174612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652442539870052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484573808373996,0.0,0.09028450815787613,0.08402349970598466,0.0,0.0,0.07631834755559233,0.0,0.051609260544227466,0.0,0.22455922823538865,0.08285324172470704,0.15800919061172564,0.0,0.0,0.09780922270232184,0.0873521607359571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170565618473337,0.06621116216500116,0.0,0.0,0.09811232552078628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340195790177333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928710220648603,0.0,0.1085754661814194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659031748641298,0.0,0.10783168420502334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593742322015167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732452360585879,0.2285591645104866,0.095403795364047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387381175822596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641130125814475,0.0,0.0,0.11136130736495344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115470295964629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328196306599232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792766849203948,0.07855501945965877,0.0,0.09997215915097198,0.0787160720886604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013977977864412,0.08171308367602481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083697250636114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991805934179722,0.0,0.07888703938659931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308119266955953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793968338466505,0.08633939141217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329520129995925,0.09705232944947792,0.07842148284997813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670661593154853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652778477433375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881643830734948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522184807793747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017154865542577,0.21600414265557746,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foreverloophole,2018/03/19,Help. Help me. I want to die and my minds pushing me and pushing me. I’ve heard it all before about depression and suicide. I think I’m done with this life.,-0.8599999999999994,1.275728454545458,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,97.78787878787878,3.852121212121212,18.72121212121212,5.6839178017228535,-0.3875406060606057,121,4,28,1,5,39,24,33,0.289,0.55,0.16,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858624241121891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893468841533786,0.0,0.3486553984202514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34378593444308475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503505102287045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237286205712738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33920627715543583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367466697803753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525846449749225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981476597486822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousUvaach,2018/03/19,Anyone you noticed on this sub reddit who actually killed themselves? Do you know anyone on this sub reddit that you're pretty sure killed themselves. Please share stories if you can.,5.981458333333332,8.987190062500002,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,70.25,5.516666666666668,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.2915916666666671,150,5,22,1,3,44,22,32,0.205,0.568,0.227,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2756777595501443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950590026183621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6250854112938293,0.0,0.1552537732362069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32162638482736605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31009849155098673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874025079059826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662514683399431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cucumberhand,2018/03/19,"Any advice for someone feeling suicidal? My therapist recently left the practice I go to and it kind of sent me into a downward spiral. I've been feeling overwhelmed for the past couple of months and i think that kind of set me off, I've been extremely anxious and pretty suicidal lately so if you have any advice to send my way it'd be super appreciated. ",3.8426086956521743,5.997945362318845,5.654420289855075,75.0059782608696,73.63768115942028,8.078260869565218,30.34057971014493,8.841846274778883,2.899249275362319,286,13,48,6,6,98,49,69,0.141,0.674,0.185,0.1458,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,10,5,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,3,9,5,0,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709554738678477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581512797441617,0.0,0.0,0.21442850010099407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001843914911966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194479639586945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787200235296003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953107010040838,0.0,0.0,0.21411117901421964,0.0,0.20622645380119184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150257212925305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119277956738408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310251104825565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741205285195334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082331754527013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152372960269612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038119000373912,0.0,0.1216210112087352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066039498364098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,disasterbenz,2018/03/19,"Just got off the phone with suicide hotline for my best friend who is thinking about suicide. It was the worst 30 mins of my life im still shaking and crying.


my best friend has been telling me he wants to die for the last 2 months but the last 3 days he has described how he knows where his mums gun is and might do it when im at work since his mum works at the same time.

Hes saying things like

""Look, you told me to tell you if it gets to this point. I think I'm gonna try something when she's at work this week.

I was thinking maybe I'd take a bunch of tylenol and ibuprofen, then knock myself out with benadryl. Perfect OD and can't be saved if after 4 hours. That's something I came up with while ""thinking"" today. Tylenol kills the liver so even if you manage to survive the overdose you'll get sepsis quickly, and ibuprofen causes kidney damage and internal bleeding. Medical knowledge sure is handy.""

Just now he said he got his new oxygen tank and also said ""That's another way to die. Oxygen is extremely flammable. I can just put that on and open the oven. Lungs burn instantly.
Medical knowledge. Yay""

I'm the only person he talks to and we have an honest and open friendship.
He doesn't talk to his mum because apparently, she is a weird person and he won't talk to any helpline because he doesn't want to talk to random people.

I'm getting really scared and I also live in another country he lives in the states I live in New Zealand.

This is starting to affect me mentally since my dad also had bad depression this month as well and this is becoming to much for me...",3.620385416666668,4.929943434375005,4.175625,88.87354166666668,72.46875,6.833333333333335,26.770833333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.1863645833333334,1249,43,258,12,24,395,186,320,0.146,0.7509999999999999,0.102,-0.94,1,0,2,1,0,2,31.0,1,4,0,7,17,19,1,2,13,1,24,11,3,3,2,46,47,27,6,5,7,4,0,1,2,4,8,3,1,2,13,21,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,8,1,0,10,4,27,11,33,32,6,40,0,2,1,0,42,14,0,5,22,149,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162902556539391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130834779870259,0.1890703132106112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527548272680315,0.10991504470833798,0.09956888092499544,0.0,0.0,0.1892237770892959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311306066763028,0.0,0.09261380218869672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903080195256897,0.05814238033811549,0.0,0.07765018733034948,0.0,0.18713287395705333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059546387611185476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393067320930852,0.0,0.14130646815144726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421004050670094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878430648810381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947652846906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974291606103428,0.0,0.04954671407225883,0.14697637104370934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367899339373896,0.044045075823786334,0.0,0.23882499018219186,0.0,0.07570731637420025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057260279254556,0.0,0.0,0.1816429295327814,0.09085482229292312,0.09563998367907764,0.0,0.0,0.14392138429378962,0.0,0.06627414297611177,0.0,0.0,0.1741441132718675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856677927327001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250197888021032,0.15743936797537636,0.0,0.0,0.0852254158455973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063046347935937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775546613307622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715156984264417,0.07169470645615347,0.09026067103522653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491539455550191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881112168299803,0.0,0.0,0.06381202340696163,0.0,0.07199773064688415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972294120644545,0.0,0.08496982133302344,0.0,0.06778518113778452,0.2898520163492211,0.15759851796809304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989483557178764,0.2310701930187484,0.0,0.0,0.0525699822479293,0.0,0.08545619808577133,0.08614676402172533,0.0,0.061209183554904414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635126031216922,0.07156067484384313,0.07231673337519719,0.0,0.08105998212114944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690127955364845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathscallingallofus,2018/03/19,"I'm ready to leave, but I feel stuck because of family. I've written out most of my issues about 3 times over prior to this. Every time I decided to get rid of the post before even posting. I made this throwaway and I'll actually post it this time. This will be long. 


A year and a half old dad put a bullet through his head and splattered his brains onto the wall. Mom was in the other room with me and pregnant with my brother. She saw his remnants and hasn't been the same since. 2 years later she has a breakdown. I watch her cut her stomach open and run into the woods. She survives but she's forever different. Anti psychotics plague my family. 2nd grade she goes back into the hospital and I have the breakdown. Live with my grandparents and my brother for about a year. She gets out and is ""better"". 3rd grade I'm diagnosed with MDD. Fast forward to 8 year old me going on a vacation for summer. My moms parents get into a violent car accident. Survive but barely. This was around the time we were getting ready to go to the beach. Mom doesn't want to go but I insist we should still. We are there for about 4 days and I see the deteriorating person I call my mom. On Wed (left Saturday was going to stay till the next Saturday.) mom breaks down after I'm reprimanded by a police officer for cussing out a bunch of pool attendees. We leave the hotel and she's gone mentally. We drive around 8 hours from home not knowing where we are going at about 2 am. Pull up to a house and mom starts trying to break into it with a golf club. I run out into the road trying to wave a car down but they don't stop and drive right past me. Mom hears angels and demons talking to her. We leave the house and continue. Stop by a church she gets out and prays. Gets back in and we continue. I'm with my brother and a friend who won't shut the fuck up. At about 6 we end up outside an apartment complex. I manage to find an elderly couple and they allow me to use their phone. I call my mothers parents (dads parents don't give a fuck about us so when I say grandparents it's my mothers) they help me guide my mom to a motel and we stay there. My grandparents fresh out of a car accident drive 10 hours to come get us and somehow we managed to survive. I'm later diagnosed with PTSD. Fast forward to today. 

Mom had another episode after 8 years of being fine when I left home for college. Prior to me leaving I absolutely destroyed my room. Horrible anger issues. They are brought on by great amounts of stress. I feel I am the sole blame for her mental breakdown. And now recovery has taken well over a year. I don't think she will ever be the same and I feel responsible for destroying the last mental stability my mother had. And the last parent I have is now gone. I'm 19 and ready to die. Beyond anything I want to just die already. Everyday I wake up and remember how she used to be when I was 12-15 and she was an angel. I just wish I could take all my mistakes back. But now I can't and I've lost my only parent. I'm ready to go and don't think I can keep on. ",1.1605322354839491,3.3891739491255986,2.9667327907363017,90.51375056355741,82.95866454689984,5.980979047528652,21.629713119616547,7.258068376089391,0.7233799254917774,2390,77,507,35,67,794,281,629,0.111,0.8009999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9435,9,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,13,0,5,5,30,15,7,1,40,0,37,8,4,5,2,101,86,41,2,6,9,22,3,0,1,4,2,2,4,1,10,62,0,3,10,6,0,22,9,10,1,1,18,8,84,5,89,59,6,122,5,1,3,2,70,44,2,2,53,323,94,5,0.0,0.0,0.05255414153895312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942968736190218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647105095352434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044317595772070784,0.09588369628984272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423216528173744,0.0,0.03282915220735511,0.0,0.04582614155186068,0.0,0.0,0.04762985462430555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011933911325028,0.10998276028381504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046390810890387456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299836909707728,0.05958888710800156,0.0,0.034731643131891095,0.0,0.0,0.10932219746790067,0.11178476283092252,0.05626640251589034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769902784361367,0.0,0.0,0.03557033393332151,0.04871440260289482,0.045374668301945406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153830119287653,0.0,0.08169123280133013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922196067750232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160778830167014,0.0995750798065188,0.19695696764084653,0.051662063208647635,0.18364023453466066,0.0,0.0,0.0593746838936826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527016793723622,0.0,0.060697840985544385,0.0,0.03609747992200928,0.0,0.10804074077554307,0.0,0.1060715034618485,0.12428153113737887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242003722275283,0.0,0.047868279507272016,0.0,0.0,0.029596978684194617,0.08779707397985728,0.0,0.22809620282361615,0.11702596137777488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755443609147411,0.04765946356542626,0.0,0.0,0.05878845693490641,0.0,0.0,0.05095835067684185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281775426145892,0.0,0.0,0.5676627714446077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727478250729207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302230085741713,0.0,0.0,0.04095871023122182,0.0,0.0,0.29899477929691154,0.0,0.05141013393952329,0.0,0.04702359889320355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473293171840272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629529305011194,0.054138562888858544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100655517151325,0.04599137710985903,0.0,0.04282719325559555,0.0,0.0,0.04291499709186239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454892952958815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038118432915990715,0.11480328404897515,0.043008206278997485,0.09004940663275382,0.061690051708918475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04049181865649835,0.0432861397072039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901547060572652,0.0,0.0,0.12561177249827812,0.0,0.05104768944895599,0.0,0.0,0.0731272268957904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956046334292254,0.09302584865743233,0.0,0.0,0.06352945989326236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842158774610097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192992074005176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808286976440654
suicidewatch,anon545444,2018/03/19,I wrote it down 4 weeks ago tomorrow is the day Thanks for this subreddit showing me a different way but I’m sorry this is it. ,2.764444444444444,3.7847715555555546,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,74.18518518518519,9.844444444444443,28.314814814814817,10.125756701596842,2.7892370370370365,100,4,22,3,2,35,23,27,0.059,0.861,0.08,0.128,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723527966724115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27090027643854625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388673446250301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702164039894399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867295678814474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33341955531561845,0.33694222611025176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,o0DYL4N0o,2018/03/19,"Really perplexed.. I don’t think I’m worthless or a bad person. I know (don’t fully believe but just taking their word) people care for me, I have a job, prospects etc etc. before I told people and saw face to face the concern I was pretty happy to do the deed. Yet after accidentally sharing my mindset (death is inevitably soon and that’s normal and not concerning) a friend reacted in a surprising way as I genuinely didn’t believe anyone would really mind. Like yeah it’d be sad but ultimately everyone would be okay! So after seeing my friend devastated by the idea I was hit and stopped thinking it was okay and fought it more and all that “good” stuff. But here I am a few months later wanting it again. Throughout the time I said I couldn’t do it myself but hoped something would happen like a freak accident or whatever since I’d be happy and it’d be easier for others but nothing did (obviously lol) but now it’s an active want again I don’t really know why since nothing is really going bad but I just don’t like this world and would rather be gone.. does that make sense? ",3.792155030236394,5.478112355140187,5.03436503573392,81.38971687740519,72.64485981308411,8.025948323254536,25.205057724024183,8.671277953709913,1.8069024738867512,860,27,164,16,17,285,125,214,0.162,0.597,0.241,0.9651,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,10,20,1,0,11,4,27,2,2,2,2,42,47,19,1,10,13,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,1,13,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,10,3,17,14,9,24,5,16,0,2,2,0,8,2,0,3,14,108,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334463180422698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904740333984425,0.0,0.0,0.1014270376818026,0.2685862040962945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152829101749295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430924432309613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658701508172301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138969094817186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418110576270466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677418476197451,0.09997597016736642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540465085011642,0.2537727691285481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838854732936832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455780311608442,0.0,0.0,0.11828366210799025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310140356840681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469947029996705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956427195298384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035400581870795,0.0,0.0951411295917015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167867963372415,0.2287436005620524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527103047428035,0.10407737102364167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126520870187713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054401020367753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338271495284273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498379919733917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972003664750188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176292308203876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965321376040487,0.0,0.0,0.13645093069968314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962057632606034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275199920186472,0.0,0.0,0.06950416045851655,0.0,0.0,0.1138969094817186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060980707281168,0.09461225616187297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075558723920399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386937437297988,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stop_LyingToYourself,2018/03/19,"Not been this bad in a few years. I’m self harming again, i feel incredibly alone. I have no one I can talk to in confidence, my life is falling apart and I don’t know where to turn. The only reason I won’t kill myself is because it would destroy my mum.",0.023696969696967333,2.032049945454545,2.3595454545454544,94.47265151515153,85.9090909090909,5.121212121212121,20.075757575757574,6.42735559955562,0.041303030303029516,197,6,46,2,6,67,45,55,0.35,0.598,0.052000000000000005,-0.9583,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,6,12,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,8,0,4,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218761118275679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594897361116243,0.18944963826786804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714056423709927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34383390222306537,0.0,0.1707974933414892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951430390112284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059372136767607,0.2363634853624066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195353457216497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242130895363137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979455630611475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380412437462583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077040119194244,0.0,0.0,0.20013322385753796
suicidewatch,puglife0212,2018/03/19,Anyone know how to take pills easily? I have a fear of swallowing pills after attempted suicide attempts now I find it hard to swallow any and gag at the thought. Anyone know a way I can swallow them easier or quicker?,3.332857142857143,5.7407425238095255,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,76.14285714285714,8.009523809523811,29.54761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.8582190476190483,174,8,30,4,4,58,34,42,0.247,0.645,0.108,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,7,6,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200262445338076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524697297616401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640856044269941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29572038339463164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898387625718035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35563109487482114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35391303473579416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327060467785494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568639011049203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568202717498272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qwertzuiop009,2018/03/19,"I just want to kms right now Hey guys
I am male 17 am from Hamburg, Germany
Since 2015 I suffer from a depression, social anxiety and feelings of loneliness.
I have bin in therapy and bin medicated and I have bin in an mental hospital.
But non of it worked.
It even made me feel worse.
I don't know what to do. 
I can't stand it anymore.
I just want to end it all.
All the pain, all the emptyness and all the loneliness have destroyed me from inside.
I just want to put a rope around my neck and hang my self.
I don't see any new solution to my situation...
And even if there where ways to solve my problems... They would take time...
And that means that my suffering will continue... And even if all my problems will eventually be solved one day...
I do not want to suffer until that day.
So the only solution I see is to end my life.
And please before you comment that committing suicide just passes the pain to the people who love me... Well there are none... And even if... I would not care bc I would be finally dead and painfree...
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suicidewatch,woodychizle,2018/03/19,"A lot of people are commiting suicide and most would argue it. As I miss another day of work because of overdoing the alcohol again a reoccurring thought is how by drinking heavily I am killing myself, only slowly and with more cumulative pain and misery than for myself and my loved ones than if i went quicker.  I am not a fan of wasting time or doing things wrong so if i am committed to ending my own life there are better ways than self-poisoning over time. Cigarettes are responsible for more deaths than the next several ways to die combined.  I don't smoke them anymore but it means smokers are effectively also commiting suicide in a most inefficient and eventually painful and arduous manner.  I guess if I am too scared to do it instantly I shouldn't be doing it over time either.  I look around and see people killing themselves every single day it really shouldn't be so shocking to have someone do it via a quicker option.",8.558679365079364,7.977723331428571,8.85047619047619,66.24174603174603,61.4,12.12063492063492,39.444444444444436,11.429527900616536,4.735253968253968,753,35,125,19,9,250,110,175,0.228,0.7040000000000001,0.068,-0.9859,0,0,5,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,1,3,8,11,3,1,7,0,20,6,0,2,3,31,28,17,6,6,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,3,1,0,1,4,9,0,1,2,2,15,2,21,21,8,15,0,1,2,1,3,4,0,9,8,99,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217321907722214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387043828717992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930991251057724,0.0,0.0,0.14121411516895294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267586317457555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680054224439222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593371837013315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836614870737626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777990560187204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394894697873922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611661291784526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997098761161115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686030050283994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150702152597282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057533381022796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957300532580938,0.0,0.0,0.12105616896678965,0.12851389619070544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510609678116696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143498519735646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964881716064965,0.10829515898691,0.3030292098064808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743268712834391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121964679596503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425587408891996,0.0,0.1134675971667524,0.0,0.14854539830100472,0.16086187501647534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064786348138165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115063994954397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459859146789754,0.0,0.0,0.1130429528447287,0.24908890190637506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260475040992828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199835538453386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366271441259058,0.0,0.0,0.1011508425678678,0.15568276207676493,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nocturnalnico,2018/03/19,Idek anymore I've been at this edge multiple times now In my life and by now I've usually been able to pick myself back up a little and just keep going but lately I feel like it's getting to be too much     I've shut myself out of social media I don't talk to friends or family because talking just has never worked for me it's always intensified that emotion I was feeling anti depressants didn't work those ended with me trying to OD with years ago  music doesn't work like it used to hobbies don't cut it   I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere or that i belong here all of this with the added stress of being an adult in these times my ongoing anger I just don't know what to do anymore almost every day it's like the darkness in my head just pulls me further and further down and I eventually will just end it all,2.2782273603082817,4.031638826589596,3.98198843930636,87.05583429672448,76.91907514450868,6.463044315992294,22.51599229287091,7.3011,0.8208877842003863,659,19,135,8,15,221,107,173,0.115,0.7709999999999999,0.114,-0.3214,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,2,1,4,0,13,2,1,2,4,28,21,7,1,0,8,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,13,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,5,3,15,5,22,13,3,29,0,1,0,0,5,13,0,3,18,89,28,3,0.14881422578363435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191483222060646,0.0,0.14901595095193232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123825357111057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951674488040774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442895387365702,0.0,0.09071577079399752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597286453671072,0.0,0.12817347460782316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673959741593928,0.2636104672839112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538240352764096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028880794188145,0.0,0.15048988784677886,0.10631291263431668,0.14288499393925694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114973501690788,0.0,0.07774929089128653,0.0,0.08457455393801837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272632855918686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227292147714415,0.0,0.0,0.0817844066624631,0.0,0.16786892857536664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051118886304869,0.29081245528396665,0.14915094913506646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939557873524673,0.0,0.22954941006070875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533420364302836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516973625690586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704661928443679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392224754044005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354954357347988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103509088475522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852771085014586,0.16389784538521504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250155862180824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583148233861506
suicidewatch,Berkstein,2018/03/19,"“I need to kill myself” Those are the words I’ve been telling myself over and over, it just feels like I was meant to be born as someone else than this body. So many problems I have yet so little hope and my worse days are yet to come. There’s nothing left for me and I need the end to set me free.",1.7361538461538473,2.7288780000000017,2.3692307692307715,101.23076923076924,76.69230769230771,5.2,19.15384615384616,3.1291,-0.8714,230,4,59,0,5,71,48,65,0.149,0.731,0.12,-0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,12,12,6,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,9,4,9,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27053386002531205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980041568395852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707233882319396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345831890115976,0.0,0.21571676970588255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231483438961644,0.17399520078084693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419043192745927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26945668573671555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646223990445427,0.0,0.0,0.11898830135703505,0.24410533676821586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469257763536357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611847721437551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336968660846811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304851906051502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636272081834012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128771445919776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482025823464839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,igotrhythmm,2018/03/19,It's not worth it I am gonna live a shitty life anyways. I guess writing a post here means how much I want someone to at least care.,-0.25900000000000034,1.4279564333333354,1.6833333333333336,100.80500000000002,84.66666666666666,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.7399999999999998,103,3,26,0,3,34,26,30,0.183,0.6609999999999999,0.156,-0.194,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788748953517449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093635402781341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624747917811405,0.0,0.0,0.32813301126693106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047855365157345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731715900496444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558937714331896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148587396773297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918158107099647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrWillisOfOhio,2018/03/19,"Need advice- brother attempted Suicide I got news this morning that my brother intentionally crashed his car on the freeway this morning in a Suicide attempt. It seems that the injuries are minor, but he is still getting checked out. I think he has been admitted into the psych ward. I haven’t been able to speak with him yet. I’m boarding a plane now to be with him this week.

His girlfriend of 5 years broke up with him a year ago and he took it hard. Since then he had another 7 month relationship which he just chose to end- I know he felt guilty about it because she took it hard. He’s also been dissatisfied at work because he does not make as much money as he would like. He had been planning to move to work/live closer to my brothers and I.  

All that being said, I speak with him frequently and he seemed very stable and happy, but ready for a change. I would not have considered him depressed and NEVER would anticipate this. Just yesterday he was texting me normally and happily. He has many friends and is good at his job. I’m in relatively good health. I know he mentioned that he regrets that sometimes when he drinks with friends he goes “overboard” and gets more drunk than intended, but that did not seem to be a big issue in his life. I’m worried, but in a very rational place. My parents are completely distraught.

Do you have any advice on what to say to him? Or to my parents? Like I said, I’m not expecting a miracle so no pressure.  How can I help him feel better and get better? Any common pitfalls that we need to avoid? Any good resources I should know about?

Thanks Reddit.",3.4570084554007363,5.509148581993571,4.003186852447303,86.87746576158156,74.43408360128619,6.9225199476003345,28.23877575324521,7.793537801064563,1.7318609265213762,1263,52,248,18,27,398,178,311,0.14400000000000002,0.687,0.16899999999999998,0.903,3,1,1,0,0,2,33.0,1,1,0,6,11,17,0,3,10,0,26,4,0,4,2,55,52,21,2,9,11,5,4,2,3,4,2,5,0,0,17,17,2,1,10,2,2,4,7,6,0,0,14,9,30,11,34,31,3,33,0,3,0,0,48,14,0,4,17,150,47,3,0.10041521825268933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624917822893076,0.0890120322734349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030201375765653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048573753891557,0.1052941117021128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242437005296003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761820077669474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622598632855812,0.0,0.1052834458584692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648748034118063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787403417914295,0.0,0.0,0.0983686854147858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893807855605701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077295148828069,0.0,0.09641435673163014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516109706261802,0.0,0.1573884211552096,0.0,0.0,0.2526705627077838,0.080311223141437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106893867043384,0.17990462399097154,0.0,0.0,0.10673668137531113,0.0,0.0,0.06730620413282053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480739916307028,0.09964660979343593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655567336005536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092623828268081,0.0981156069393448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702793792061862,0.1018052705165098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015046919223326,0.10672548555184692,0.07381673933882144,0.1489132239555173,0.07744640671831879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838559371807318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299843305942765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049125307843142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078083650570186,0.0,0.0,0.191035734823822,0.07985421192628284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742427300962061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306450620085827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099313218462392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019172300822298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967590143803906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244884175702893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434201726751929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313000446755596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657061427817243,0.0,0.0,0.08054703112971381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620694965487033,0.10197652840629357,0.0,0.21399626998005372,0.0,0.0,0.1293282166249598
suicidewatch,Throwaway247489,2018/03/19,"I don't know at all. Hey there. First of all I want to thank all the awesome people in this sub that are helping.
 I am 15-17 years old and I think I might be suicidal. In the last few months (4-7) I've grown very tired of my life. I got tired of doing the same thing every day, but when I speak out about it, I get told that it's going to get better soon. But that's what I've been told for 4 years. There's nothing particularly wrong with my life; I have okay parents, I have something to eat and drink every day, I am not bullied or anything. That makes me think I am just overreacting, but I really wouldn't mind if I just wouldn't wake up tomorrow. On the other hand though, I feel like I would never kill myself. I don't even know what I expect from this thread. I guess I just want to know if I am ok and just in q typical ""I'm a teen and I'm sad"" phase or if I have depression/am suicidal. I just realized my best (and only) friend is a random dude of the internet I've known for about 3 years now. I never met him irl and I don't even know his real name. I guess that's why I'd rather get responses from you than irl ""friends"". They're not real friends, just the other outsiders I eat and talk with in school. A few days ago I started chocking myself, because it made me feel something. It again comes down to this boredom. I don't feel bad about my life, just bored and it drives me crazy knowing this will be my life for at least another 4 years. I think typing this out helped. What do I do? Should I try to talk to my parents? Am I ok and just going through something every teen goes through?",1.6949416909620965,3.0062271895043766,3.1548469387755134,94.26247448979592,77.39650145772596,6.299416909620992,21.287900874635564,6.868970318607317,0.20999300291545173,1238,31,295,12,28,406,165,343,0.087,0.7509999999999999,0.162,0.9767,2,0,4,0,0,1,44.0,0,1,0,3,21,15,1,0,9,3,26,11,2,2,5,69,57,19,3,11,19,2,4,1,3,6,6,1,0,0,21,14,3,0,13,1,0,5,10,5,0,1,6,5,47,10,35,43,8,36,0,1,0,0,18,11,0,9,21,186,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032232921066583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501488830298062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456619526357787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565747855162214,0.05523641188527808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509200962913787,0.08013920833065635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805446579456249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531229561168613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876554924209851,0.0,0.18543799124208504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969712794457345,0.0,0.22903429107644796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744889158055862,0.06473343917595044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707476888816309,0.0,0.0,0.21002049499331252,0.0,0.14202354732382097,0.0,0.10299410687790043,0.0,0.07247092712883653,0.0,0.19963930968606647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147101797809713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002490752527178,0.0,0.2489907285503551,0.07386111146036713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560085649326688,0.0442685886391021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573954116152448,0.06048440821386316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612532197420033,0.09149258378702976,0.0,0.07232586660948792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397715706007635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869449375523707,0.0,0.09508235733518923,0.0,0.0,0.06891473085663924,0.0,0.0,0.20122845301002776,0.0,0.0,0.06281915379706626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062732506381939,0.058048554215996674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170447659017236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092733068130543,0.0,0.0,0.06413584632554957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198230279932862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566145520231416,0.0,0.08342362389774333,0.0,0.0,0.060198780180149424,0.17418209295000278,0.08902611636686662,0.0,0.0,0.2082909990198976,0.0,0.17316785532733925,0.0,0.0615197980034814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476463020109872,0.10689095445868076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176349926764269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436837211097754,0.09907031623486777,0.0,0.23340537962480706
suicidewatch,ta56789101112,2018/03/19,"Not depressed, just bored with life Hello all,

I guess I'm just seeking advice, or really just a place to rant. I've never once in my life been even close to suicidal. 

I'm 33 and I'm just at a point in my life where I just feel like I'm done. I'm not going to be moving up in my career anymore. I feel like I have everything that most people would do anything to have; a well paying job, a great wife, a new baby, a house, no debt. But it's almost like when you watch the finale of a tv show or beat a video game. Then comes the feeling of ""well what now?""

And sure, I could change careers to something I enjoy more, but the thought of going back to college and starting back at entry level doesn't sound at all exciting, even if it's for a job I'd love.

So I'm sitting around just feeling like the only reason I'm even needed in this world is just so my wife has help changing diapers, that's really it. 

I don't really have any hobbies. With a baby, I'm pretty trapped to having to do something at home/online, and I'm burnt out on video games.

So Idk, anyone else ever just lose motivation and don't want to do anything? ",2.3934913993491413,3.4237107782426786,4.153186889818688,88.93546141329617,75.10878661087867,6.650023245002326,22.482798698279872,6.937597516519254,0.5596887959088797,872,22,192,8,18,295,132,239,0.08,0.733,0.188,0.9727,3,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,23,14,0,0,14,0,17,4,0,2,5,45,39,15,1,5,15,2,4,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,11,0,0,7,6,2,4,7,3,2,0,3,6,12,11,27,33,4,33,0,2,1,1,8,18,0,6,14,118,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046533137523556,0.0,0.0,0.11319728078626312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768738262965733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210931570680564,0.07904302389892692,0.11582698190130125,0.1860512323037581,0.10063316579893837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384778393143874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391712186790817,0.09737743421504083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902564705755614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736466936491124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568330496213207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443379318249533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399357455401367,0.10225480960004804,0.0,0.0,0.1015966975341447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286338607546788,0.2422760626455503,0.0,0.12383422454184015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849107049731814,0.0,0.0,0.12463145747887645,0.12453075905264464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577103975913835,0.0,0.1133923930783748,0.0,0.0,0.1304376490752648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435754117472245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953905394566125,0.2209104390948081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264673695760985,0.0,0.0,0.1020266631527432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014792860854588,0.0,0.08382072617502502,0.08718653559894672,0.10917864201941213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203882173936619,0.0,0.08597508934469095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783705064668381,0.0,0.11810696567589915,0.0,0.10686316054836366,0.0,0.0,0.11500643271237902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725672753910102,0.11622810458681344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740536556510679,0.0,0.0,0.08001315610601803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365183623443694,0.0,0.10654267355324068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974434371335092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666763059616521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328034301770725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803032453935856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,baby2130,2018/03/19,"I want to die. And the worst part of it all is that nobody cares. Every time i cry about shit my mom just lectures me about how nobody can help me and how i can only get out of this myself and what i’m doing wrong. I’m pretty sure nobody cares if i die cause nobody actually cares enough to tell me not to. I have no job, my moms boyfriend is an asshole, i’m too ugly to get a boyfriend. I’m just a huge waste of space and i don’t feel like anyone would want me to stay alive. It’s honestly just a matter of time till i bring up the curage to do it. I screamed for help but nobody wanted to listen. Despite all this bs about how there is “always” help i’m still here helpless without anyone who actually wants to help. I think i should pick a schedule. Maybe it’s easier that way. ",1.6538665526090668,3.0904992155688653,3.1938793840889663,93.41013473053894,77.80239520958084,5.729512403763901,19.1142001710864,6.18269132825596,-0.2264111206159116,607,12,140,4,14,200,95,167,0.133,0.662,0.205,0.7713,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,11,1,0,7,0,11,1,1,5,3,29,29,10,2,7,7,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,3,17,6,20,27,5,12,0,1,0,0,9,4,1,1,6,88,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.2545477647960899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085222544843506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182389370552007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989243462315739,0.13398018780909293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326337037169634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707166427196022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476166247336402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988687148531692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594570888893965,0.0931741060881917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628110637330146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496787335821537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942454847684906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371801385406088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102727720625498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054993180954522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991924502330662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412352308552954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326869205982346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133877175534325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901339880253394,0.10415585199972847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292198734167695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399531461184766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835696924381151,0.0,0.0,0.1521012187869741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30770709103004984,0.10352358318891793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572296783685685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926486466367228,0.14259690621362295,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luk4sLTU,2018/03/19,"I was suicidal 5 weeks ago Now im not, my life completely turned around thanks to this subreddit, Now i look at life with happiness and i believe something good is going to happen to me now. Just one question where do i start do i Go and make some friends Find a job I have never felt this good in my life",2.6325000000000003,3.937131000000001,3.7832500000000016,90.73675000000004,74.9375,7.620000000000001,25.3,8.238735603445708,1.3367225,240,8,54,4,5,78,47,64,0.065,0.708,0.226,0.8797,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,12,14,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,9,5,7,12,1,13,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,7,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938305361144404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010388323514858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528447516697705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034630261514516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346910791812665,0.0,0.17464588820983726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762981897454944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171931080485359,0.3205417692872152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897357043915895,0.2034108103107282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640182487510295,0.0,0.18961983697879764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049015345899072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046112407408775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754901233348245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473745574180954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294824064482224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405606382578096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710459758701314,0.0,0.0,0.13524913437312722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901317518579213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592303781519375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784282377819227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327480727747328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LaJirafa027,2018/03/19,"My girlfriend wants to commit suicide My girlfriend is desperate to commit suicide and she’s strongly against getting any kind of therapy in the face of her depression. She’s scared that no one cares about her, that everyone she meets hates or will hate her. What can I do to help her? ",5.38111111111111,7.051355444444442,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,68.62962962962962,8.362962962962964,33.87037037037037,8.841846274778883,2.9142370370370365,230,11,42,4,4,70,40,54,0.34700000000000003,0.494,0.159,-0.9477,0,1,0,0,0,4,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,2,5,9,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,10,3,8,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608137630469996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24900366645085775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103506364987237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23336745560165176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759748361622653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822432551600762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636988709094188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543227573994577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549318206006214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24451183256374465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342850260943516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792925743962129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440502339288147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,m1santhropeCSGO,2018/03/19,"I'm so tired I've had my depression for 9 years now and after countless medications, experiments and what-have-you I just want to die. I can't take any more misery. The last time I was in a good mood was December, which lasted a few days around Christmas time. Since then it's been the same old miserable sludge. There is no joy in my life, nor is there any means of finding it. I failed out of college, I have no friends (literally, not figuratively), even my parents are getting tired of my burdening them. 

I'm not sure why I'm making this. Sometimes I feel like I'm in hell for something I did in a past life, and that's why everything is miserable. Even though I hate people for all the things they've done to me I still hate the fact that I'm alone more than anything. 

I cut last night for the first time in a while. I started beating myself in the head and legs but once that died down I needed something else to cope. It started getting hard to walk. The cutting has been nice. I feel good cutting because I feel like I wouldn't be if I didn't deserve it. It stings too much, and its uncomfortable, but I like that. It's a constant reminder that I'm not worth the skin off my bones.

I hate how pathetic I am. Everything I do is coated with cringe and embarrassment. Even this post is an embarrassment. I hope I kill myself sooner than later. I sound like a 15-year-old girl who got dumped by the prom king or something and I'm a 20 year old man.

I didn't ask to be born. I wouldn't have chosen to be. I want to die so bad.",2.4215166221790843,3.9378479400630897,3.607902208201896,90.91154270808056,75.90851735015772,6.769667556418345,24.179689395777718,7.468242284971852,0.8590743508857077,1195,38,269,15,26,388,170,317,0.268,0.639,0.093,-0.9953,1,1,3,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,1,4,14,29,9,4,17,0,26,9,4,2,3,36,52,18,4,7,8,1,5,4,1,2,5,1,0,2,17,10,0,0,6,0,1,1,11,17,0,1,10,6,35,11,29,37,6,36,1,4,0,0,7,10,1,3,28,163,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977256542498222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833233117449433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764797691777238,0.08399795731920548,0.08821129137405208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878436237047362,0.057519303753233275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196666612631901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085262021187876,0.0,0.08126976108505415,0.0,0.2937837849562758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656022679608783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882337464253357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696622098479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960442405828274,0.09229949614938136,0.0,0.0,0.14312958201896747,0.13481767637934974,0.0,0.0,0.08624081699266814,0.08026022857161891,0.0,0.0,0.07290017721772912,0.0,0.09859553725294064,0.0,0.0,0.15828476895139226,0.0754661124524091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452556226731194,0.2794747483350924,0.09683776047563762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371803959066126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043923168365444,0.0,0.0,0.230741257114816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329463217465276,0.18439274455030988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298419701144639,0.0,0.0,0.1027827069284319,0.0,0.0950550023988721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936343556868897,0.06996470521241252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854788710578702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970361835501772,0.10048739166739716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477255959815453,0.0,0.09007467178513792,0.06541543640233395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036816266148867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805329218704812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179224625782018,0.09332173287031628,0.0,0.1335730942817885,0.0,0.0753538216649145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893059136865156,0.0,0.07094490902820691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268676412124087,0.0,0.0927055189593388,0.0,0.1650614136714997,0.21689955652030832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130870141875672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028548342606126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822889259556004
suicidewatch,t0lte,2018/03/19,"my head just hurts. I cannot comprehend my surroundings anymore. I am so so confused, and hurt. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being tired. even being awake is exhausting. breathing is exhausting. everything is exhausting. I just want a final long long rest. please. I am breathless, as if my lungs cannot expand. I feel like I am wasting away. just let me quit with no obligations. just let me be happy again.

lying on the cold hard floor is the best I can do. but I still feel physically sick. I don't want that feeling. I don't want to feel anything anymore. let me drift away on a cloud, drift away to the deepest sleep ever, where I can finally let go, of my breath, of everything, so I can be free.",0.5082653061224498,2.9731379727891185,2.2873843537414977,91.75434183673471,91.04081632653059,5.933197278911567,20.955442176870747,7.365786028017652,0.9193621768707484,570,20,119,11,20,187,76,147,0.247,0.652,0.101,-0.9363,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,0,1,5,0,24,13,5,0,1,17,35,7,0,4,6,0,5,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,1,3,5,7,0,0,0,6,19,5,14,26,2,18,0,3,0,0,0,8,0,2,8,81,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506718412051486,0.0,0.0,0.08507991077758258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29141064435102154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849983248186283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828711676825705,0.09352080036908253,0.0,0.0,0.2787567011882933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091052903318973,0.07386075164419846,0.0,0.2265140551830265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875805646790699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110058960763613,0.0926157716091364,0.0,0.10610640931305963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33203852244416504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228869073405405,0.0,0.05051038957198891,0.0,0.0,0.18299110487439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348950540539318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996637612109683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034631471483619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256617465758335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753194004265496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294361478673968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fleischwolf3,2018/03/19,"My friend A friend of mine recently sent me a message saying 
“Hello brother. I know you dont like that clingy soap opera stuff but... im lovin it so forgive my following indulgence, lol ; you were a pillar to me when i was in need of it, your genuine friendship a hearthfire. ""Genuine"" this is a word i rarely use and i may not be able to apply it to more than 3 people on my road of life. Truly, i thank you. Sometimes we have to die to come alive. Farewell my good friend” 
I would never share such messages but I do this now because I am very worried about the last sentence, he has talken like this before like it was nothing. 
I don’t know what to do because he lives in Iran and I don’t know where exactly, I know there’s not much anyone can do but you never know.. I also apologise for bad grammar ",0.2252987012986977,2.5631632181818205,1.8488311688311685,95.8018181818182,89.54545454545455,4.354978354978355,20.584415584415584,5.916634753146586,0.02016883116883061,621,21,134,5,21,201,106,165,0.13,0.743,0.126,-0.6832,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,5,0,0,8,11,0,0,6,1,17,1,0,1,3,23,28,8,1,2,5,1,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,6,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,4,1,25,10,15,21,2,14,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,1,9,91,35,0,0.15872936811771213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693581833639322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098726482954006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253239224815402,0.19351989906365485,0.0,0.1350670012977973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367312957746367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647360239708544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860296372793104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679017481875673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313466311327488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145495566345215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436167547929494,0.12938562034248655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211524688664108,0.2326414545967127,0.0,0.1401609401047721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668434920169275,0.1176958152067631,0.24484374809506226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230510966367636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004295796150868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156726101762589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262279644575416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698740376785067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817071508261781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613667619962128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709121034249436,0.0,0.13096835218132913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119737823041969,0.0,0.11275678894276747,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eustomaprincess,2018/03/19,"Please help; I am dissociating and depersonalizing and cannot stop thinking about dying Hi, I’m not quite sure if this will work but I am feeling quite desperate.

Due to some trauma in my life I am having trouble doing some basic things day to day and am constantly preoccupied with planning my suicide.

I am really not sure of what to do, I do not know if I am able to be helped.

I have some responsibilities to attend to that are sometimes preventing me from really doing it. I am very worried that I may attempt and fail. I cannot afford medical care, or to have anyone else involved with my issues.

I am really unsure of what to do. I basically do not trust anyone.
The things that would normally center me and bring me comfort are not working. Literally all I can think about lately is ending things and the main issue is just logistics and that my natural, human instinct to stay alive is conflicting with what feels like a very desperate need to end things.

I cannot see any end to this feeling other than death
I do not know what to do, if anyone has suggestions please let me know",5.459126607989166,6.396394563981044,6.617714962762362,74.4607227488152,67.81516587677726,9.630467163168586,28.81550440081245,9.784248007369934,2.690345700744753,867,29,160,19,14,292,112,211,0.21600000000000005,0.6829999999999999,0.101,-0.9862,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,7,3,9,0,0,3,0,34,2,0,0,3,43,47,12,3,6,12,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,16,10,0,3,8,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,0,4,23,6,22,42,5,14,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,8,10,122,39,3,0.11687871329985634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794815329857598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451729417141087,0.11975605386302525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916563776711013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630436715354734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075420188740798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121301651636193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763716741311072,0.0,0.3105595456308764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772921677704169,0.08349817613488858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668267565471042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439820212840304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927004525615476,0.0,0.13184427948065205,0.0,0.0,0.11951640312420335,0.08255489171788692,0.05710103554646188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774300738532813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666408494704475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145163233333196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25659545836872705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486297969591801,0.0,0.0,0.22462648977116173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313720216196243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559603603451855,0.0,0.0,0.12457715717000616,0.0,0.0977158378010225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784634216724633,0.0,0.2203136081647184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31059609466601484,0.14978232025390018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287435800291675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701781906021049,0.11869600678375895,0.0,0.08302728451410968,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayKMSKYS,2018/03/19,"Suicidal and jobless. Need to fill days. So a friend of mine is suicidal, doesn't have a job, isn't in education and lives alone. This quickly resulted in some severe depression and self esteem issues which quickly lead to suicidal thoughts.

I have had to to talk this guy down from suicide on more times than I can count, most evenings tbh and I frequently wake up in the middle of the night to find out he's majorly suicidal and needs help. However this person for various reasons will no see a doctor, won't call a helpline, won't tell their family, can't get  a job yet, can't join education yet, refuses to leave their house alone, doesn't want to meet anyone knew and doesn't do anything most days. He lives an hour away from most friends and 3 hours away from me so calling in to see him isn't exactly easy. His family seem clueless to it all so can't help. I've really tried everything and I'm scared one day he will do it.

Can anyone list some hobbies I could recommend them that involve leaving the house, they play airsoft, love 70's rock on viynl, just started playing the guitar, pc gamer, love anything military amongst other things. I hope these things could give you an idea of a hobby than could get this guy out the house on a regular basis and seeing people. Every day if possible but I guess I can only pray.",5.284976335361732,6.039268969348662,5.678873112463375,81.69314401622721,68.11877394636015,9.512823980166779,30.29546991210277,9.627879704456738,2.655115212981745,1055,39,208,22,17,338,156,261,0.122,0.79,0.08900000000000001,-0.6668,4,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,4,1,9,9,0,1,14,0,24,4,1,3,2,38,42,14,5,8,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,12,11,0,1,6,4,0,2,11,2,0,1,3,3,16,7,31,32,9,30,1,1,3,2,28,14,0,9,14,127,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768322164755251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995793179150925,0.0,0.14117830982123805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118518013395006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518075987471235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546366409684905,0.0,0.0,0.22128252172763035,0.0,0.07388168993581122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779887256183512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665649881269175,0.0,0.07227286214390051,0.0,0.07709301284214265,0.0,0.1617304085972565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840083711080473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254593633735828,0.0,0.08963241450596705,0.08228743728773402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449570350119678,0.16987022676381938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499227598910025,0.0,0.0,0.08519832038367685,0.16895090221002815,0.29693380590088714,0.0,0.0968345256244563,0.0,0.08953142972136975,0.17024567946415226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816560433292643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148960125060268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483855368491553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720870808378734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804981761023546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812635591205571,0.06523911532387212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594686501444856,0.07489928207745956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670340900455277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495249383995247,0.08819553171516918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858801651366583,0.0,0.20506527880842385,0.07809036356934558,0.08948664428999217,0.09690633001132253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071511595294241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691438220997397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894624963387858,0.07497499516212451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139760719866713,0.0,0.0,0.06809927891679547,0.05001867042315008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823859640400497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505949251946967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ezpzjapanesey,2018/03/19,What’s the point I can’t get motivated. I’ve fallen behind at school because of my depression and I’m going to fail and have to repeat a semester. It’ll take me 5 and a half years to get my bachelor’s degree...pathetic. No one really likes me enough to care if something happens to me. I have no one to talk to. I can’t see my therapist because it’s too expensive. I’m a failure. I just want it all to end. ,0.2905118601747816,2.150063943820225,3.6464419475655454,86.53260923845195,83.71910112359551,7.551061173533085,23.372034956304606,8.515128840125781,1.6578604244694142,317,12,71,8,9,116,56,89,0.196,0.685,0.119,-0.7787,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,8,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,0,1,10,2,11,14,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,46,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022550377778551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25276726333550503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353000735496128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958031952479626,0.25616388381190663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590521433027631,0.0,0.14089658706439856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192316284146819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111941629440233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33598909868471377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343611045639717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882157573836056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250904603413863,0.19755725011277167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085813475131244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864022576704242,0.19926578837340767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878500152719706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622749910476418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965001488188066
suicidewatch,ppkiddo,2018/03/19,"a last resort I guess I’m not sure how to start this off, it’s a bit weird since this is the first time I’ve been on Reddit. I feel like I don’t have anyone to turn to. There’s a lot on my mind and a lot that I want to say, but that would take too long. I guess I’ve just gotten to the extreme low point of depression, anxiety, stress, low self esteem, to where I don’t think I want help anymore. I’ve been suicidal for so long now, and I started cutting again. Each time the cuts get deeper and I’m always tempted to try killing myself with pills. The only thing keeping me here anymore is the fear of failure, but even that is starting to slip away. I keep skipping school because of the immense stress and anxiety it gives me, and because I keep missing assignments. It’s hard being around people, especially family who don’t understand, and it’s hard being alone on my own. I’m not sure what I’ll gain by venting on reddit, but it’s a nice way to be fully honest and not have to pretend like I’m ok. I plan on killing myself eventually and I’m not sure when, but soon. I don’t believe that life is worth living when all I’ve been doing for 5 years is this. Just nothing other than being a complete mental fuck up. I’m debating whether or not to kill myself today with tylenol and just get it over with. I’ve had enough with stalling and wondering which day is the one I’ll snap. It’s so hard living and I’ve just been crying nonstop about everything on my mind. I’m sorry to anyone who cares about me, which I’m pretty sure is just a few people. I’m just now trying to convince myself to get over the fear of a failed attempt so I can just die already.",2.1721410927773945,3.693221022922639,3.6083193360339902,90.62744985673358,76.59312320916905,6.18915126963739,23.209267858907232,6.8039241337230125,0.6002600731153049,1303,39,283,12,29,429,169,349,0.251,0.632,0.117,-0.9949,0,1,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,0,5,25,27,6,4,16,1,25,4,0,1,5,57,58,23,5,3,18,0,4,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,21,17,0,3,4,1,1,0,9,16,0,2,6,5,23,11,40,47,8,35,0,5,0,1,6,16,1,6,20,178,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049921988700192,0.0964258881054732,0.0,0.07270707335268238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336907625839973,0.0,0.17331475436226165,0.12219610997287775,0.0,0.0,0.07778663307852561,0.0,0.0,0.08209628868843333,0.0,0.0,0.10653194717538733,0.0,0.0,0.09844722036219992,0.0,0.0,0.09539621526773688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908962756516911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161615851309014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959827127427536,0.056352804179513084,0.0,0.07526017640975588,0.0,0.09068653657045246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028679071529268,0.0,0.05771359722695664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853141626159425,0.0,0.08237398936344302,0.196653352176906,0.04418190090378368,0.062424215181612015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432529492323339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078130585684462,0.13695716760699808,0.0838227584122949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925176135424836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348256710406987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856890241829842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330017993597261,0.2900187256383968,0.0,0.0,0.07122627770204966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171900469498717,0.08537880694033126,0.0,0.15431609813296487,0.15465691659931954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857452573642152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805838322517336,0.0,0.17645757155955571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838433668875329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921087895794265,0.06645634841808268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115643550147487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260224542468711,0.0,0.0,0.08889676789997543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948800049355258,0.0,0.08843311977017278,0.0,0.0,0.09115628840424594,0.0,0.0,0.07228155295315332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781463970570294,0.18554382045106865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018675134806005,0.0,0.0,0.09557942392343532,0.0,0.32941807163055564,0.0,0.0656988072506941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058051320236857065,0.055989509129073065,0.0,0.0,0.10190384012867744,0.0,0.08282592437131789,0.0,0.0,0.11865042727176385,0.0950442351094912,0.0,0.09096555338251774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307785322451328,0.06935809426751803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475976986537198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207217108647834,0.0,0.0,0.05626978817949877
suicidewatch,ElzaZero,2018/03/19,"New, young, and maybe inexperienced to many. I joined the sub Reddit a few days ago to help others but really I wanted people to see my problem. I'm really young for many, not even out of high school yet but I like to think I understand many of the situation here even if I don't. I don't care if you read this I just want to know my story has been told. This was probably poorly written and insignificant to others. This is probably not depression  just bad anxiety but I don't care like almost everything else. 
I grew up as a bright child. Perfect grades, can understand higher concepts, and even cope with the most difficult ideas. But when I began to meet people like me I began to wonder am I really what I think I am and from there anxiety to me. I would try to avoid it all but in my most recent years I can't especially since I became friend with this group. I became friends with them bc I thought they wouldn't use me bc they saw I had no use but I was wrong. I've been used and I'm still getting used or thats how my mind seen it for years. I come home from this 6/7/8 hour hell to home. My dad is probably yelling over the smallest crap. My brother gets pissed like him. My mom isn't home but when she is she never helps us. My younger siblings fighting and getting spoiled. I have no where to hide. I cry myself to sleep and hide in the bathroom when I want to cry in the day. My mind, created this for me. These thoughts on everything and then forces it to go through them day in and day out. I want to forget them, to be able to see the good in my friends and family but I can't bc I only have myself. ",1.060535714285713,3.201628029761906,2.65816666666667,93.10350000000004,82.69047619047619,6.220952380952381,20.016666666666666,7.447530270364453,0.4690188095238099,1262,35,284,20,35,413,168,336,0.166,0.674,0.16,-0.5475,0,1,0,0,3,0,31.0,1,1,5,1,14,22,4,1,9,0,23,3,3,5,3,62,56,27,0,9,15,3,0,4,3,2,0,1,3,1,14,16,0,1,9,1,1,3,12,10,0,0,13,6,54,12,40,40,4,36,1,1,5,0,23,12,3,7,25,185,68,3,0.0856943093926383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596283477781464,0.0,0.08581047233938198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111182425945786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155116888915836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474211930425734,0.0,0.0,0.07381805964904221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826234994608795,0.22106296097966494,0.0,0.07380838311077775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158659944394008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698008494546719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403303936227147,0.0,0.08078496829715119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862163258848065,0.0,0.13431521926640014,0.0,0.048702050853971265,0.07187632097957405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148781784547388,0.0905407428173888,0.2578751382231703,0.0,0.08439163294764436,0.0,0.0,0.09673844455709957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709535134239301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674636439299184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606417384112805,0.0860914518829457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305364756993688,0.10036413945581016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609273429020275,0.08276409800645118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065174383826575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188192884260886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27717887813651865,0.0819978808194774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571749948978394,0.0,0.1646939067753742,0.0,0.08461279228671448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672721610618105,0.1365745394125881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088721827014935,0.09632399420814117,0.0857561967980273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843558617681307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981890654849233,0.0,0.13606341902101649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188458497361684,0.0,0.058180810955397975,0.0,0.0,0.17842159649975112,0.10307970293732377,0.29604947675187143,0.0,0.0,0.2021788957711021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293182306181623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087477870267985,0.09369327480279037,0.0,0.11036865130112523
suicidewatch,throwaway80806,2018/03/19,"25, disabled and I just don't know how to get over it. Ever since I was little, when I came to terms that I am going to be disabled till I die, I just never really be able to enjoy most of life experiences. I just don't know how, and the things that I do such as gaming, exercise, hanging out with friends and family doesn't give me that enjoyment, it is just a dull feeling of what the point.

I tried anti depressants but it makes me feel nothing positive, just even more emptiness and I have started therapy however I feel like nothing going to change anyway as I will be disabled still.

I also struggle with suicidal ideation since I was little but now it is spiraling out of control and I am losing patience which is why I think I made this thread but also I guess I just want to vent.",4.192933104631217,5.1169783333333365,5.409536878216128,82.02401372212697,70.69811320754721,8.54911377930246,28.919954259576894,8.841846274778883,2.227020125786164,621,23,123,11,11,207,93,159,0.17600000000000002,0.747,0.077,-0.9591,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,17,8,0,1,3,0,16,2,0,5,2,35,32,16,2,1,9,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,6,2,0,4,4,4,0,0,4,3,21,4,17,24,3,18,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,2,9,96,32,0,0.1518726038330455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24290493283045198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370179946169648,0.0,0.0,0.16066107726673734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033803918838406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308076511402957,0.0,0.1576197851868401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003104224870866,0.13737746503764994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856054861657153,0.14317197457819028,0.0,0.23037405527745014,0.1084978185239088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733639698512825,0.0,0.07934716719220493,0.14569004037826605,0.17262540132769702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673047953908533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693042250984724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072721114937703,0.07419728285129153,0.3044324948106377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699065961816222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437055298727639,0.10137614236865383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713351472508635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29145171880916665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356870018599796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729347893572682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512611745977585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749621067703162,0.0,0.12128565760291014,0.0,0.0,0.15877022060386314,0.0,0.16612397867229126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367955831175516,0.0,0.10089740959990688,0.09731383218924808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311152882309764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957839662421324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370414026869166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faster_than_sound,2018/03/19,"Last year I almost succeeded in killing myself and it is still affecting me. I have been relatively good in the last year, I have made many productive moves forward since the attempt, but I was recently triggered by something a day ago and I just had to take a personal day from work this morning because I am still having anxiety attacks.

I think about the moments before, writing the note, and how I knew this time was different than previous times where I had gotten close, but didnt do it. I was an emotional mess all the way up until I made the decision. Then this very strange calm washed over me. I wasnt crying anymore. I wasnt sad. I was done. I had accepted this was the end of my life, alone in a hotel room, neck through a belt. I let my legs give away, and dropped down and let the darkness wash over me.

The next thing I remember is coming to on the ground. I was confused and disoriented for a second, but once that initial coming out of being passed out ended I realized what had just happened. The belt had broke under my weight. My life was saved because my belt snapped. That was the only reason I lived. I realized I had come mere seconds away from death and just started crying. I must have cried for an hour. It was the most hopeless and scared I ever felt in my life. I prayed to God to help me, and I am not a religious person, I just desperately needed to feel something like support. I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself for what I had almost done.

In the aftermath, I have tried to turn things around and have had a generally better appreciation for myself and my life. I have a good family and good friends that love me and care about me, and that gets me through the tough times for the most part. But today is a bad day. I cannot stop thinking about it. 

Is there anyone else here who is a survivor of an attempt? How do you deal with these moments where the trauma creeps back into your life and disrupts things?",3.9519600252093303,5.4015494125326375,4.5340578013865125,86.07856396866842,71.84595300261097,7.580408751237957,27.30611326190691,8.104835398774808,1.6436891869991896,1527,54,308,22,29,486,196,383,0.157,0.6729999999999999,0.17,0.6734,1,1,2,0,0,2,39.0,0,2,0,5,19,25,2,3,30,0,44,11,2,7,3,65,66,25,2,2,9,0,4,1,1,1,7,0,1,2,19,25,1,1,12,1,0,6,5,12,0,2,29,4,51,13,43,33,4,58,1,3,0,1,11,23,0,5,30,230,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671588306070229,0.0,0.17332228794848145,0.08963330706753835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620579265626297,0.0,0.08582822380394234,0.06051345780291504,0.08867438055869407,0.0,0.07704235657702972,0.0,0.0984560998839853,0.16262155325324532,0.06654686282319867,0.07226048266119152,0.1055126303364492,0.0,0.0736424246164964,0.0,0.0,0.07654098424794584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823720197866973,0.0,0.0,0.2236495378970948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285192998630993,0.1674408312285781,0.0892228880467855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041988187088937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712876982740958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229626445244985,0.09735015966186612,0.15330429066467444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828384847459792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158582021160699,0.0,0.0437591605262575,0.0,0.1661912963334063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668635479597883,0.0,0.04521557892818007,0.08302072717752147,0.0,0.21776657432140414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653042257637066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800850462161865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852282390915197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574792476274224,0.0,0.0,0.14108954372241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699385829402406,0.30564233076462016,0.04228094357663037,0.0,0.07641978696991532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810918498462922,0.16377972795520873,0.0,0.08774185948160403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198239451539496,0.0,0.06417115295194233,0.0,0.0,0.09204034444938396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921663538901935,0.0,0.06582048211888357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937185336709068,0.0,0.0,0.15113346746726053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898147053964636,0.0854515908666807,0.0,0.09803728806724896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664547098289319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158995004882973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325133613501586,0.0,0.0,0.06125616793065666,0.0,0.1382280280004591,0.07235451660498295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820891208078664,0.0,0.0,0.06507018924168942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248762427885464,0.11090758286299307,0.0,0.0,0.15139320877605095,0.0,0.08203343102400955,0.0,0.0,0.05875757931738871,0.09413483476659124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140772290779784,0.0,0.06869446354191845,0.0,0.1053870692392618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300493857914355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146277744307394
suicidewatch,findingparanoia,2018/03/19,"I’m emotionally dependent on others I’m sorry it’s so long. It’s just important to me. 

It’s hard for me to admit since I put on a huge facade of strong independent woman whatever. 

I started dating when I was 15. I’m 20 now. I’ve never been single for more than a month. With every breakup I quickly had a rebound to fill the hole in my heart. 

I’ve probably been in 5 serious relationships since then. The longest being one year. The current one being 8 months though it’s over now. 

I always excused it as, “I don’t look for relationships, they just happen” when actually I definitely start putting more effort in pursuing someone once I’m single. 

I didn’t break up with someone for a year because I was very comfortable just having emotional support from someone. 

I don’t know if I do this because being broken up with hurts a lot and I want to numb the pain by having someone else give me attention 

Or it’s something deeper where maybe my self esteem sucks and I don’t love myself so I need someone else’s love 

I forget how much it hurts every time and I’m trying to not throw myself into another relationship again because for years it’s all I’ve been living for 

",1.6215539795114289,4.144065885106386,3.8725295508274233,82.80074074074075,83.76595744680851,6.375098502758077,23.597320724980307,7.662118739084242,1.4905571315996844,933,35,174,17,27,320,133,235,0.104,0.7659999999999999,0.131,0.7959999999999999,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,14,11,1,0,9,0,16,5,1,3,2,25,34,13,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,6,0,2,7,2,23,5,28,24,7,35,0,2,1,2,11,11,1,4,19,117,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.10275724100322936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761772052640318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041583446351044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925690158673318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592864414556303,0.2368958026583879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774389454231193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101299201929316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311610760057487,0.0,0.0943277779768221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478055856313724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545084550714936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057869918194078274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298149502836714,0.0931868515071684,0.08842516173481599,0.0,0.0,0.08952197271213927,0.19007403928454472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578762310221557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809830664680445,0.0,0.07740733778665668,0.07807833515048368,0.08121355967365079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121406603684654,0.14270749750837847,0.0,0.11204622153010263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353080184262962,0.0,0.0,0.2117104072650691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33915715886167475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985047029585557,0.0,0.0,0.1742098702046065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461001382474436,0.08106479316174271,0.0,0.11787430534513345,0.14906322824855384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949276270523905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034563435611048,0.0,0.06140105613694275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149153100007287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868832156670664,0.062108445023484185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342851172991155
suicidewatch,corbanus,2018/03/19,"I feel like existing isn’t worth it I am taking up space, money and time. I don’t know why people care about me, I’m selfish and too absorbed into my depression. Any bond I form is parasitic, and I wear everyone down. I am so sorry to my friends for them to have met me. I have an immense self loathing and I’m posting here because I can no longer go to therapy.

I couldn’t do it because of my parents, and I am their only child. But, I find myself wishing that I was dead often and not being phased if I am in a dangerous situation or so sick that I could die. My anxiety and fear is the only thing that keeps me from failing in school. I don’t think life is worth living anymore and haven’t been able to shake the thought for over six months. I don’t see a future for myself beyond the year and I’m just slowly moving through time.

Maybe my friends will find this and know how sorry I am. I love you.",2.297085514834208,3.5479180104712107,3.8943246073298425,89.82166143106458,75.70157068062827,6.768726003490403,24.775218150087266,7.3011,0.955531657940663,704,23,156,8,15,235,114,191,0.205,0.688,0.107,-0.9629,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,2,1,9,11,1,2,6,0,23,4,1,1,0,29,39,16,2,4,5,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,7,11,0,1,7,0,3,3,8,6,0,1,4,2,31,5,18,31,1,17,0,2,1,1,10,8,0,3,6,109,38,2,0.14849212826123828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097973922969077,0.0,0.11359607167901906,0.0,0.14726429021000792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103884626789196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139762124389952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855888150215195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789605248375752,0.0,0.15411138525156706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189059204396987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709492756293956,0.07508208173811827,0.10608280609995878,0.0,0.0,0.2714382301380937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22944929988796445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439149849330035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198662639975134,0.0,0.0,0.1632147805754643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488438162486312,0.07254575324132323,0.0,0.13112126975657706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340199432755275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918030153699818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852500008058067,0.15782363236444338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258699097084816,0.0,0.0,0.16488293557549902,0.0,0.0,0.10294574483373764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221441185877934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028196141674605,0.11832900088355094,0.0,0.15490967470629924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691137374191642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324495607177117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164760037907408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981368988402626,0.0,0.09865157183981904,0.09514775994045503,0.0,0.11788616310774,0.17317390826238224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399104928270034,0.0,0.17075861919043198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562406209457408
suicidewatch,BeforeJam,2018/03/19,"I'm dependent on exactly one person. There is only one person in my life keeping me from ending it. I would never tell them that, I would never place that burden on them. But with the mistakes I've made, I'm not sure if I could live without them. I don't know what to do anymore.",1.8730508474576268,3.4173505423728834,3.812000000000001,88.74952542372883,77.47457627118644,6.07593220338983,21.969491525423727,6.742157984588678,0.5233837288135597,218,6,46,2,5,74,43,59,0.081,0.875,0.044,-0.2631,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,4,17,11,2,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,9,1,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22628808419117066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821790070132477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209514245593704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281224174756374,0.0,0.0,0.12539890001654366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116660560153204,0.0,0.0,0.20148252429435934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590450801472236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519649367863063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30923429253258405,0.17353721350735005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39846685967144657,0.2383940961902521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505204389990376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943482799499587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995235989250056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241776553515225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mylastfarewell,2018/03/19,"Leaving the city to a suicide spot in the country being kinda indecisive and hesitant
It takes several hours on the train to get there
Feeling worried and scared
My time is coming",5.050909090909091,7.701506818181822,5.863636363636368,72.61545454545455,71.72727272727272,8.036363636363637,35.24242424242424,8.841846274778883,3.6875333333333344,147,8,22,3,3,48,29,33,0.322,0.6409999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.8896,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908213361968585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707058863804298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638742120081966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324780897026355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574805075262161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33800675669062197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38140348540080543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692908169821097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538408917780695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686325168102672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34285959672077565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedxGeryon,2018/03/19,"Suicide Over Spring Break Hello all. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past, but this is the first time I've really idealized them and dwelt on them and made plans. I plan on killing myself this spring break. There's a bridge near my house. I'm going to walk to it and hang myself under it in the night. I have a day set and everything. 

My life is going nowhere. Everyone has different priorities than me. People tell me I'm doing a lot with my life and making the most of college but I'm an English major and don't plan on going into education--so what am I going to do with that? Fuck this.

I've been depressed since freshman year of high school when I came out to my parents and they reacted badly and got my church involved. They're fine with it now, but that just started a spiral of negative thoughts in my head. I can't get rid of them. I try accomplish things all the time so they go away but it only lasts for like 2 or 3 minutes and then they come back. It's been like this for 6 years now. I'm a junior in college. I don't care. I'm doing self-care shit my whole life. I do good in school, run a club, get semi-decent sleep (almost always more than 6 hours, usually 7 or 8), exercise, eat well (thanks to my workplace), and even do creative outlets. I also take and have switched medication, which helped for a couple months and now I'm shit again.

I still feel shitty all the time unless I'm busy. I can never be at peace with myself. I just want to be done because all of this feels meaningless. I have no emotions inside except for shots of fear, constant anxiety, random anger, worries about the past present and future. It's all hidden under an always smiling exterior. My coworkers ask if it's possible for me to stop smiling, if only they knew the irony is that I don't feel anything ever. It seems that some people are meant to be depressed.",2.5224395145084806,4.380103745358095,3.826727755003621,87.97467245398279,76.53315649867373,6.5856120890603655,23.36058194678884,7.463857097105799,0.9650272325375772,1460,45,299,19,33,478,204,377,0.198,0.715,0.087,-0.9942,2,0,0,0,0,3,48.0,0,0,7,6,16,17,5,1,17,0,27,11,4,3,7,59,61,26,3,4,12,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,20,21,1,1,8,2,0,10,7,9,1,1,11,3,37,8,44,47,11,62,1,2,0,1,13,18,3,10,33,196,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877105795290264,0.0,0.0,0.07888025320909113,0.16414835385240328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545730281628099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117013465536135,0.0,0.09221260724587256,0.0,0.09267303732767317,0.07584603367857408,0.08235806721816122,0.060128413079928576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128148511827642,0.10056735222451836,0.0,0.0,0.0849673431318498,0.0,0.10659193385806287,0.0,0.0,0.1091403517328848,0.0,0.06361293072658547,0.0,0.1699124101499422,0.0,0.0,0.10305503692657056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094025527143816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093063395640343,0.0,0.11095374259708124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651490394459403,0.08922313022730331,0.0,0.09425221499645156,0.0886488900640296,0.0,0.0,0.11099444163710494,0.14962202373859967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390087957510288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911886407126257,0.10306788860338134,0.0,0.28028939569856776,0.08273232941589087,0.07888929953919557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123037804133736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611453656146264,0.10421577590840203,0.0,0.0,0.09713792083144596,0.11381425866916067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912761350602554,0.0,0.0,0.08040260525349734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901143220855134,0.09637845375205492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838579477189731,0.0,0.09333304558143693,0.06584119709896469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936675301344733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873139176547746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607520516872182,0.0,0.0,0.09256447115725662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003629898503654,0.0,0.0,0.10952510430213866,0.0,0.1883210233688308,0.13676543786683906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119879166241738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318961220437908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965252852211995,0.0,0.08979573893802717,0.10290026812294913,0.0,0.20249964476675772,0.08159383526278126,0.0,0.09870858477807423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981602405860274,0.0,0.07877191517577366,0.08246524134125524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578650295946894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416301167807843,0.0,0.08621339157269342,0.0908120195925514,0.0,0.0,0.06553027247855274,0.0,0.0,0.15661407610300646,0.17254869612775886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696828596741268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863510571509752,0.0,0.05817886467307265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886868235766157,0.0,0.0,0.11012507880305547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001710169604003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703843897668562
suicidewatch,thksgivinleftover,2018/03/19,Too much of a coward to kill myself but constantly fantasizing about it and trying I'm such a fucking coward that I can't just shoot myself. I keep trying to convince myself to do it but I am so pathetic I can't even kill myself.,4.526875,4.766922937499999,6.629166666666666,76.0325,69.625,8.9,26.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.976241666666667,183,5,35,3,3,65,31,48,0.373,0.542,0.086,-0.9636,0,0,0,1,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,7,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,5,7,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33303434210733684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355074446529012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849085091919873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273925568093984,0.6819135680213357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265486066035109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184695455269901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xKagefumi,2018/03/19,"I know how this is going to end I've been thinking about suicide for a long time, everything that I do wrong get's a lot more comfortable to deal with when I think that soon or later I'm going to kill myself, but when will I do it? Things are getting worse and worse and I don't want to dissapoint mom and dad, but I know i'll dissapoint them in the future by being the biggest failure ever seen and making they spent money on my diabetes type 1 for nothing, so why do I delay this thing? Why don't I just do it? Why I'm not capable of doing anything at all? I just want things to get better, I can't do it by living even though I've tried, don't really have anyone to talk to and trapped into a (toxic) relationship that gives me the last drop of happiness in a daily basis, but that person doesn't treat me the way I would like to and doesn't want to be with me all the time, I get a bit happy when I'm together but when I get home I realize how lonely I am and how I don't want to be me anymore because nobody likes staying with me or dealing with me oh my god now I'm going into online sites because I really don't have nobody that won't get annoyed by this same old topic.
People will always say they understand you but they'll never do... I don't want to annoy and make life harder for other people. 
",4.531854982206403,3.962366088967972,6.250834074733096,81.52792370996444,69.60498220640571,8.875533807829182,26.459297153024913,8.278499904357787,1.5387809608540928,1025,25,221,13,16,357,144,281,0.163,0.728,0.108,-0.899,0,3,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,4,1,16,12,3,0,10,0,30,2,0,5,4,48,58,24,2,6,10,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,1,1,15,14,0,1,6,0,2,3,12,5,0,0,3,2,32,7,30,47,6,31,0,1,1,0,14,8,0,3,19,153,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957752742601906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676476473555158,0.07527483151021695,0.0,0.08859083618714995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125089458023698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521203881052633,0.11753130328919854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197501542386489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535031601698354,0.0,0.0,0.07110506722467594,0.09738004929562706,0.0,0.0,0.09675331119234976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374715518528885,0.10327242033494534,0.18354833618120867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920135375850095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798667437659644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910423178001173,0.0,0.11832867034264832,0.08775313803871074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760398621596814,0.10518952376476247,0.0,0.09506127722765732,0.09527122705859804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152437335363513,0.0,0.0,0.14372100604061186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608415515949206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303012022366904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329781066040768,0.0,0.11296574155613726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926874956618896,0.09400013412061924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793301211821812,0.0,0.0,0.11558110816371996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561152282662729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474583349734788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775702243348185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865289563923428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456345954441444,0.13796186693557388,0.10577042403137893,0.0,0.12554891309768965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730906321279757,0.0,0.0,0.1120725807985622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174883404894112,0.0854514740447299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914254942512536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941914571812027,0.07647497487514297,0.117703768115675,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisIZBlasphemy,2018/03/19,"Not suicidal. I just need to vent. Fuck. I’m sick and tired of feeling like this. It’s been a year since my suicide attempt and I can’t recover from it. I’ve been trying to get a job, but every time I apply I never hear back. I can’t sleep at night and when I do sleep I sleep too much. I have no fucking friends. I’m alone all day. 

I just want to vent. I wish I could be fucking raw about this with my family, but I know they worry. Having no friends absolutely fucking sucks. I go days without talking to anyone and I feel myself degrading as a person. I have lost my personality. I keep looking for jobs and I keep applying. I’m trying so damn hard here. 

When I attempted suicide I fucking meant it. Waking up I the hospital was the worst fucking feeling I swear. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually alive right now. I hate myself and what I have become. I never realized the repercussions I would face from a failed situation. I’m in debt from the hospital. I have no job. I can’t find a job because I have had no job for so long. It’s like a vicious circle. 

My anxiety is getting a lot better, which was why I tried in the first place. But now I’m haunted by my shit abusive and neglectful childhood. I’m haunted by everything I’ve ever done wrong. I’m haunted by my nightmares for fuck sake. That’s why I’m writing this. I was training at a job and the person training me stepped away. He told someone else that I wasn’t fit for the job because I had a social problem. That someone then told me and it just broke me down. I feel like such shit right now. To have hope and it taken away so easily. The worst part is that’s completely feasible. It’s possible that shit night fucking happen irl. 

I made a hard choice to break up with my girlfriend who I had lived with for her sake. I didn’t want to bring her down with me. I never realized she was the only real friend I had. I fucking go days without uttering a word to a person sometimes. 

Solitude is great because I have social anxiety, but not to this extent. I’m trying so hard. The main reason keeping me from not committing suicide in a more fatal way is so I don’t pass on my problems to the rest of my family. 

I feel like if I off myself the pain I’m feeling will just translate to grief among them. It fucking sucks. I feel trapped to be alive. 



I have no idea where to post this. I was in r/depression but I think this fits better here. Honestly, I just wanted to vent. I feel a little better. I literally fucking hate this shit though. Fuck. It pisses me off how much I hate feeling like this and having these thoughts. Thanks for reading. ",0.8167886915549118,3.1602551273408253,2.8394442430832463,90.0457122145705,85.74157303370788,5.617445934517338,23.032378881237165,7.036142091304598,0.9080924006282474,2034,77,421,29,62,682,225,534,0.31,0.557,0.133,-0.9991,8,2,0,0,0,3,61.0,0,0,2,8,25,52,24,0,26,0,38,25,10,3,6,77,103,29,6,12,17,0,12,5,4,2,3,1,0,4,26,15,0,4,19,1,1,5,19,37,0,1,21,14,75,15,53,77,11,52,0,5,1,12,22,23,20,5,26,283,101,9,0.0,0.058042846601472485,0.04780528496185825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073686145608342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495147148949778,0.0,0.0,0.0342535941741123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205179957229484,0.03766879823873431,0.0,0.08958800945300865,0.054103469148704036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997788792644213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136305426081196,0.0,0.0,0.03911298381798066,0.0,0.0,0.09477974799852633,0.0,0.042193348720905535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013179892965531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092324241202469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431250953746367,0.0412745577171406,0.0,0.04402731417784072,0.0,0.09236317597292726,0.0,0.22292853894636447,0.13998833409299186,0.0,0.0,0.04477420404299221,0.041669223181273564,0.0,0.0,0.11354417281764825,0.5434641220489317,0.0511884842541196,0.0,0.055682092697267635,0.0,0.0,0.054009514758297635,0.0,0.0,0.043319984216437284,0.0,0.13165105238255165,0.1450967168815568,0.0,0.0,0.0552131097552566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865620217278588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055301562693623914,0.0,0.0,0.3402916696727917,0.13062852948228004,0.0,0.0,0.026922559451556263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966547071969427,0.0490989108952953,0.04325735902028553,0.04335289608309504,0.04113763675689225,0.0,0.0534762599852966,0.04164790115099548,0.0,0.04635369171594414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202372903168246,0.036324029574704535,0.11334784755977663,0.0,0.0,0.09194396117994584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037257631024615566,0.05212675522280437,0.0,0.0,0.05304930069293578,0.0,0.0,0.17109795568484495,0.051182101491602766,0.0,0.0,0.055226682851656266,0.04691702485077098,0.0,0.0,0.09374992470973814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049001322004686654,0.05575914297999091,0.0,0.0503678899131418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367107992413768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011421795491778,0.040523433711293515,0.055064637735183115,0.14707033119992868,0.09987432639244792,0.08301485723920203,0.0,0.0969008980871873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143399687073813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937475112342802,0.0,0.04510162862544189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031389574089399436,0.04813052527261893,0.03889105170002108,0.028565334733864214,0.05630457444124424,0.0,0.09362039115456326,0.0,0.13303872227206254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668329016713068,0.03888444590022879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840821836284586,0.0,0.05633385727458015,0.09444549330073404,0.05312546695179033,0.0,0.0497497580854526,0.0,0.034799715938162334,0.05356075895368723,0.0,0.03154670781241106
suicidewatch,hydro1212,2018/03/19,"i dont want to die but sometimes i feel like i have to i dont want to hurt anyone and i dont feel like im worthless but sometimes i just feel like something says do it, know. that happens when i just sharpend a knife or handeling a sharp knife to briving on the highway during driving lessons. it just happens even when im not that depressed.",-0.036666666666665286,2.3026219999999995,1.4763333333333364,97.30200000000002,92.88888888888887,3.4355555555555566,25.25555555555556,4.935628992294339,0.3052288888888897,272,13,58,1,10,87,40,72,0.085,0.659,0.256,0.9293,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,13,6,1,2,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,5,7,3,5,13,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066625225386503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631795102284433,0.0,0.1642595518689194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564747306134463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045360201828679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400786109259273,0.3392049360116861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799157528731912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694315966973517,0.0,0.3419181002931915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698120087606302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319685771033933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586287064200372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218441856843608,0.3130666865740856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670381093576174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrumpInTheWhiteHouse,2018/03/19,"Lying about attempts I'm struggling with a bit of an issue. Due to my recent attempt last week I have an appointment  with my psychologist this week. 

The problem is it was made today, so I need to get off of work for it. I recently started a new job and I took 2 sick days last week because I was on the intensive care. 

My psychologist advised me to lie about the nature of the day off because I shouldn't share something like that with my (new) boss. 

However I don't want it to be taboo and I hate having to lie about it. I'm very strongly against mental illness being taboo and on the one hand I think it's better to be transparent. On the other hand I also have autism and realize this may be something that you should never really be open about.

As most of you have a lot of experience being depressed/making attempts, in the long run, would you advise me to be transparent or to lie about it?

Thanks in advance.",3.1849637681159417,4.859213510869568,4.521173913043482,84.49628985507249,74.21739130434783,7.297971014492754,26.39710144927536,8.021203637495839,1.62413884057971,722,26,143,11,15,239,103,184,0.125,0.782,0.093,-0.6158,4,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,7,7,9,1,1,12,0,19,4,2,2,1,25,31,8,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,8,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,4,2,19,6,31,16,3,27,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,4,17,103,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217187894820578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556628194805372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346135132660919,0.1661691299982167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551837865141806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963200828709713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888631475443256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952116103139792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027155106455864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886313627689586,0.15104060474313494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481358105359509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435998393512118,0.0,0.0,0.13469719531004912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293997859989971,0.0,0.14402064984163762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153387478617565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128585480585655,0.1173903671200284,0.2940022970354101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313847583216036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456402346768949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750682575739043,0.0,0.3005694001393584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435066429808574,0.0,0.0,0.10773193022514213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911837468686235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013049712107578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975272236418777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427314286476406,0.0,0.16910605830434436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558558724319294,0.08977482568008167,0.0,0.3662705329558789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080751336798314,0.0,0.0,0.10812251447913508,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleasejustholdon,2018/03/19,my boyfriend wants to die I don’t know if this is the right place to put this but I honestly don’t know where else to go. my boyfriend is very suicidal and I have no idea what to do anymore. he’s been getting progressively worse and he feels like a failure and he told me that the only reason he hasn’t killed himself is because he’s afraid to hurt me. but every day he gets worse and today he almost jumped off the balcony. he feels like nobody but me is on his side and he thinks he ruins everything and it’s killing me knowing that I can’t help him because he doesn’t want help. his ex killed herself and blamed him and he says he has her blood on his hands and I can’t convince him it’s not his fault. I’m terrified that he’s going to do it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. ,1.318029661016947,3.017654288135596,2.7243749999999984,95.2336811440678,79.56497175141244,5.78093220338983,22.361935028248592,6.6274283507984215,0.3064579096045201,647,20,151,6,16,210,89,177,0.29100000000000004,0.586,0.123,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,13,3,1,4,0,18,2,2,1,0,27,35,13,5,3,5,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,10,0,0,4,9,8,0,0,2,5,23,5,10,33,0,13,0,2,0,0,29,7,0,2,5,81,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928828062633324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560913224990936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741249116924005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326737214016633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399918067360164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785756220275916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878349109159978,0.0,0.2320773476229512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585063270477485,0.2767156185978119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491269994973273,0.0,0.14675608340630045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730837946580312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821841639859694,0.1457531560691948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285340810800063,0.0,0.2838290868028065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923465284186872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981964531379396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489587749958928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979448873413926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274993620085546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026201952216257,0.0,0.10267604745880984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122895172036087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273056435212252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238427471169347,0.12337325401460494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065319622475212,0.15230869321983673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631548870442254,0.0,0.14116508248077736,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depic1,2018/03/19,"Me [25] rollercoaster ride of short successes and major failures. Determined..but feeling worse every day. I want to start off by saying, my life hasn’t been hard by any means. I grew up in a middle class family that, to all exterior views, looked like a close family. Under the exterior has always been an ugly monster of a facade. 

Brief history of me: craniosynastosis at 5mo; operated on by your favorite secretary of housing and urban development; I died on the operating table which led to brain stem damage. Didn’t know this until I was 23. It explained a lot. 

Flash forward, early childhood obesity. Not due to lack of metabolism. Looking back, I was always healthy in that sense (more on this later). This was due to an unhealthy relationship with food. Mental and verbal abuse by my family and poor early childhood food decisions from my parents would eventually make me 400lbs one day. There was some physical abuse back in the day, but none I can explicitly remember the full details of. Nothing sexual.

Grew up awkward in school. Loved to sing, but never got recognition for it. Was always made fun of for being too loud and interjecting by friends..So I got softer. So much softer I caused a permanent rasp and prepubescent crack in my voice at a young age. This, I found out later in life, causes a lot of my problems now as a professional singer. 

Middle school was tough. Best and only friend moved to NY for the time (we were never close again). Multiple trips to fat camp and weight loss programs, an awkward AC/DC trench coat and barrette phase, and a bar mitzvah where more kids attended out of being forced to than actually being my friend. I wasn’t even really in my grand bat mitzvah photo..I was basically smothered out and covered up by assholes. 

High school came, lost a bunch of weight to play football. Had some decent friends for awhile and did lead roles in the school musicals. Captain of JV football. Then I got injured and gained 300lbs. Friends stopped taking me seriously and stopped talking to me. By senior year, the “senior week” group I put together of my “closest friends” voted me out. Humiliatingly, when they couldn’t get the hotel shit together like a bunch of idiots, they invited me back to organize shit. Sadly, I did. Was accepted to college and sadly decided to leave music behind; convinced there was no money to be made and facing the pressure of a Jewish family with ridiculous standards.

It was around this time I started dating an insane woman. It was bad from the start. 

College comes around, made some new close friends of my roommates. Gf cheated on me multiple of times. Ruined my freshman year. My grades tanked and my friends left me because I kept going back. She was all I had. 

Sophomore/junior year, decide to audition for my university’s music program as a singer. Pass and am immediately accepted into the recording tech program. Always had an interest. Spent the next 4 years fucking around, gaining more weight, becoming a pot head, and ultimately, hating myself. I was passing all the recording and singing classes but not the music ones.

Around what would be my senior year had I not switched majors I got an internship at Polk Audio. I was fired when my boss threw me under the bus to save himself and was too lazy to set up my banking and direct deposit with me. He accused me of stealing when extra money got deposited to me without me knowing. Offered to give it back, didn’t matter; “trust had been broken”. I was a fucking intern. 

Flash forward a few years. Mom diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer on my brothers birthday. Survives but is mentally never the same (she wasn’t ok to begin with). Now will never stop talking about breast cancer. Ruining her marriage by never wanting to move on or be happy once in remission. And that takes us up to now.

Two years ago I hated myself so much I got gastric sleeve surgery and went from 400lbs to 170lbs. Actually just had and am recovering from the plastic surgery. Hated myself for making this decision, hate not being able to eat, hate my scars, hate myself as a person and idea even more for what I represent. 

Started dating my current gf around a year post gastric sleeve. I love her, but she always discounts my feelings and treats me like a selfish, immature, *sorry for this* bitch. Read my previous posts in Relationships to get an idea. Right now she’s in another state partying and drinking without me. I feel wonderful. 

Recently had a brief internship at a tv and film production house as the CEOs assistant, but then got told my job was being replaced and put on hold for another producer ready to go in California where my boss is from. He apparently has more experience; though the point was to teach me was it not? Now on hiatus with that. 

That and my recent gf drama are the least devastating of my conflicts this recent month. Only thing looking up for me at 25 is that I’m about to start interning at Sirius XM possibly and am really looking forward to it..but I don’t want to get too excited just to get replaced again or let down by crippling disappointment..again. 

TLDR: nothing redeeming about my life. Hate myself in the sense of who I am, how I look and what I represent. Pretty sure my family hates me too. Failure on all levels. I had what most would refer to as a silver spoon and all I had to do was deal with some abuse to use it..I’m sure I’m not close to the worsts case of events on here, but I’m pretty close to losing all hope at this point and not seeing much upside to sticking around. People would cry for maybe a week..a few months tops. And then they’d remember I’m no longer a financial and emotional drain. And everything can get better..right?  ",4.529665933605613,6.7383772629594745,5.245178448005023,78.45457466750449,71.84637134778511,8.033180437742173,28.754016127343178,8.778014704023537,2.4943397340035607,4520,180,781,88,90,1460,482,1061,0.17600000000000002,0.698,0.126,-0.9967,4,0,1,0,3,0,144.0,2,1,3,11,41,65,17,3,53,1,70,28,8,14,14,160,142,63,1,11,20,3,8,3,10,5,9,4,0,3,28,64,10,6,20,10,9,24,24,35,0,3,57,19,96,30,154,69,35,174,3,8,7,6,48,75,5,11,79,532,124,25,0.04261244283227072,0.15146633015407046,0.0831671945710366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037773359483131895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728483024035924,0.0,0.0,0.028977922368872373,0.08936572351394242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276046508994041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638316911444764,0.03557960984201985,0.02597614963615736,0.047062095218639605,0.0,0.0,0.04471912977366572,0.03768724282170737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756957898178063,0.0,0.048737282515818346,0.0,0.08754943385269141,0.0,0.03670684633645214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680776752508485,0.08244450116212478,0.04393155745398531,0.0,0.04325073248987988,0.044224988022807436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041743971249207736,0.0,0.04360316722542837,0.0,0.04793326270830117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056290233206389935,0.0,0.035902820945777285,0.0,0.0382973159514695,0.04168314577666436,0.20085609345985853,0.0,0.0646383943699312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030542700362763,0.04672234411185226,0.230455873392343,0.07878903350135677,0.11131621308071496,0.040877738052577266,0.04843526653141975,0.0,0.2385674427759158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045361737770106936,0.03817237884094885,0.3365677217246311,0.0437326600359645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502238543775168,0.0,0.04232377065025743,0.0,0.09833807554469884,0.0,0.09620852230653076,0.0,0.0,0.042286274303234464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683736833792205,0.0,0.0,0.04512042420835108,0.046298543819587125,0.04357410987732866,0.09029528571625058,0.06245486139065979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789185988056965,0.047672423688568666,0.04651651509531785,0.07245515012124093,0.07691878671393966,0.12096277120097483,0.05688827296316426,0.0,0.04280992632661747,0.04641744251002298,0.0,0.0,0.08588663964282321,0.0,0.0,0.049907178029468535,0.06802569064459996,0.0905805659930956,0.09397514559669587,0.0,0.16432671443009894,0.041155362822345415,0.04531881637974379,0.0,0.0,0.08177557632300461,0.0,0.0,0.0453808608966817,0.05775058816367035,0.06481736592831402,0.0,0.0,0.04731607492261918,0.0,0.0,0.029542102452970738,0.03720754144259727,0.0,0.0,0.08056506407047058,0.04803912665619732,0.08162188213230884,0.08670434762029837,0.0,0.04077435285437397,0.0,0.08567454936423438,0.0,0.0,0.04262397436447977,0.0,0.05459724406462435,0.0,0.12622393948037905,0.09149963268062193,0.09654318185936428,0.07278158669665444,0.0,0.03388712487844068,0.0,0.17250426846402053,0.0339565998857479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748212042013627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047701141018648065,0.15080653180860407,0.0,0.0,0.10687773079998374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032344614373754,0.0,0.06407850765184835,0.0685005348358662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028309813554172582,0.0,0.0418665087275164,0.0,0.07454297428705453,0.0,0.0,0.04071801524235418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162616481701482,0.0,0.0512575219955212,0.03680346890308368,0.0,0.0,0.07540176849839188,0.0,0.06836226259423853,0.1556714265323053,0.0,0.03950216142131125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821537485234808,0.04621137652648538,0.0,0.0,0.043425719728922375,0.12108262710932916,0.0,0.0,0.2195281286413189
suicidewatch,TheRealOnePurpose,2018/03/19,Living with grief and heartache. Just in a low state of mind lately not the best thoughts to say the least and I just don't know how to cope with the feelings of grief the hopelessness and despair. It such a strong emotion overwhelms my soul and fills me with heartache. Not to sound sappy or anything. Just wondering how people live with regrets and live with painful things they can't change. How do you guys cope and live with your pain? ,4.363214285714285,6.4429631785714285,2.8566666666666656,95.955,71.97619047619048,5.752380952380952,26.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.6421142857142863,353,12,72,2,7,98,55,84,0.285,0.665,0.05,-0.971,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,1,2,7,11,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,3,0,27,7,10,2,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,12,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,3,6,2,12,6,2,5,1,7,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,47,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453080295106691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706845106255427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865130699549333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123250573319666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494958363548896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593637062613352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032015568831138,0.0,0.2118293142698739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6632693010600398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960900964171146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996323086546237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301862625906149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933392587371533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475580663637716,0.0,0.0,0.1490800713611884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364449039224788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wantstodiethrowaway,2018/03/19,"Is there a place I can go to protect myself from suicide I don't want to go into detail about how I feel because that's not the point of this post. The short of it is my parents were formally abusive, then stopped and everyone pretends it's never happened. I've always felt inferior, worthless and unloved to them and that's carried to how I think others feel about me. 

I've talked to my parents about depression but they don't want me to go to a therapists or go on meds. Talking to my friends does nothing because they never understand how real my problems are and just see it as a reason for conversation. I don't know why but I've been feeling lime complete shit with a lack of will to do anything. I feel constant dread for waking up and going through the day. I just wait for the weekends, trudging through school unable to do my work but when the weekends come and I'm stuck in my room alone or I'm dragged along with my friends who give no Fucks about me but I tag along. And through the weekend whether I'm alone or with people I just wait for the week days thinking it'll be better whe. Schools back. It's a never ending cycle, all I feel is dread and everyday it's heavier. I want to go somewhere else. I could kill myself, but it's the I give up that the solution always comes. 

I want to go somewhere else away from home and school where I can be safe from myself. Where I have no access to tools to harm myself or the drugs my ""friends"" push on me.",3.914699792960661,4.873626525083612,4.4464691829909215,88.54319955406916,71.37458193979933,6.899251473164518,29.62271062271062,6.868970318607317,1.43681353718745,1157,46,242,9,21,367,147,299,0.219,0.711,0.07,-0.9912,2,2,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,3,2,16,16,3,2,15,0,19,4,2,4,4,61,53,25,2,7,14,2,6,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,13,17,0,5,11,4,0,10,9,11,0,0,4,7,35,5,44,44,2,40,0,3,1,1,14,13,2,4,16,164,48,4,0.0,0.11285210910345678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729431479894508,0.0,0.0,0.15850625271759258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838015779538296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894876831233723,0.07323905662004351,0.0,0.11612336298815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423822312980543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409369752570574,0.09986465762313028,0.1029281598580933,0.0,0.07604697177406379,0.0,0.0,0.12285285885865428,0.0,0.0820360935428524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335128343975495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045627032034334,0.0,0.1591332778441593,0.0,0.08436056297586725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101258135584828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407987018067893,0.0,0.09145204781672774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076276628641292,0.08805430813376129,0.0,0.182739185002483,0.3789174185691125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842265993382444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955404976600048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537668321917566,0.0,0.052345255177306385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579793479610697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038105310867687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139205642416927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152102295275385,0.0,0.0,0.06603227065269776,0.0,0.0995128330168428,0.0,0.0900391927812552,0.0,0.09122028841249973,0.0,0.0,0.09113850673474573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841192766265093,0.0,0.09792976982704664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28918511881717085,0.07589951993669271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977696672410233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963074912226963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418474863870332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531118465023674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105890973904573,0.0,0.12206085150062505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915547640808096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247165715712149,0.0,0.07640139074799697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594559440571099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934094363245688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BearyOs,2018/03/19,"I'm gonna explode. I've got so much eating me from the inside out, i can't take it. Since the first and only time I tried to kill myself, I haven't been this close to suicide. I made a friend and I thought I was finally ready to start improving myself. Then they ended it and I just can't take it. The last time I lost a friendship, with my best friend, I was ready to kill myself under the right circumstances. They ended it when I was at my most solid, and I was able to heal through it. I'm decaying right now, and fast. I usually don't want to die, I just think my suicide is inevitable. I'm starting to want to die again. Going from 0 friends to 1 friend is such an infinite increase in happiness. Going from 1 to zero is like the opposite. I've tried to improve myself, like they wanted me to. I'm not enough, I'll never be able to. All it would take is an easy way out. If i was handed a gun right now, i'd be dead already. I might attempt to overdose, but failing scares me. I hope they don't read this, they know my reddit account and while our friendship ended, I finally had someone decide not to ghost me and say goodbye. I don't want them to feel guilty if I kill myself. I don't want them to feel guilty that I'm upset. I'm just worthless, all I ever do is burden people. My current job puts me on big machinery, and on high places. And I'm going in tomorrow and might do something stupid. I nearly threw up today because of how bad it was, I purposely asked for a non-dangerous assignment and having to deal with hundreds of people takes its toll. It's like I see them everywhere. I get anxious every time I walk outside. What if by sheer universal happenstance I see them today? I don't think I'd be able to keep any sort of composure. I'm getting a couple hours of sleep every night at most, and I'm up all night doing nothing. I try to find something to do, but every time I find something, I just think, that would have been fun to do with them. I actually started talking to my oldest friend because I'm so lonely. I don't talk to him often, because I'm afraid I'll lose him too. I feel guilty taking up his time, especially with how distant I've been to him. I don't have a plan to commit suicide, but I might just do it suddenly any day now. I don't want to die, there's so many things I want to do, but it hurts so much I can't take it anymore.",2.3224764102564137,3.5409995420000047,4.018400000000003,89.08737948717949,75.58,6.808205128205128,24.42051282051282,7.321109707123232,0.9436497435897436,1841,58,404,21,39,619,214,500,0.179,0.6970000000000001,0.124,-0.9879,2,2,3,1,0,12,61.0,1,0,10,7,21,28,4,3,13,0,45,4,2,3,6,71,95,28,11,13,14,0,4,3,5,6,1,1,0,0,18,19,1,1,11,1,1,7,15,16,0,3,15,7,70,12,55,71,10,66,0,6,2,0,25,20,0,11,41,258,88,4,0.1986949351209569,0.0,0.06463253152969398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308826725617776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900795796146006,0.0,0.0,0.07482290680731649,0.06568399490607738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619176474978186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530065711100482,0.12112258823002375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950602530203638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328405549109092,0.0,0.04271393184371948,0.0682819178147944,0.0,0.0,0.2062139727709332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777150762455716,0.0,0.0,0.17598473673590845,0.06843499416135884,0.0,0.0,0.0599103147722071,0.1674090524816883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046612931196053,0.0,0.0,0.1451070595288719,0.1210690473588658,0.05633660343684376,0.0,0.0,0.25585202331725665,0.0,0.06920660184645464,0.0,0.11292291055581652,0.0,0.052971496914662616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050481771785473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997736935474103,0.0,0.06578296779439399,0.06522482901579266,0.0,0.07090234585112626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572468799203418,0.0588697292721032,0.21982650660753494,0.0,0.036399180007003394,0.05398763052776751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970723088312578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409626940143017,0.07229966440629798,0.0,0.0,0.06266998395133126,0.0,0.06714849260313731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078392666310505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737575963076958,0.0,0.051081927706495715,0.0,0.0,0.12430782443131815,0.0,0.0635510496935308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050372150565391516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183336665825363,0.0,0.06919797238006938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658109656862968,0.0,0.0,0.06624956826408361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968438894261628,0.0,0.05267006247964137,0.06630943088925506,0.0,0.10555609211428757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478750119628683,0.0,0.06627947674227493,0.0,0.05611785791285039,0.15296506841235055,0.0,0.0,0.1406372977558319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173400095293818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987877266423612,0.10646897494656804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044001361993206686,0.12731569147566776,0.0,0.05258052801547119,0.19310102421895234,0.0,0.12555971047047562,0.0,0.0,0.1349008182690432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294479987558038,0.0,0.2734559817327245,0.05257159700368673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409812071582484,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lavellan_,2018/03/19,"Hooray! I hate myself and I'd like to die, please. I've been dealing with bipolar disorder for my whole life, only recently diagnosed, as well as eating disorders, for which I've been hospitalized twice. I'm on medication, and it only sort of works. I've been on everything and I'm so tired. Nothing works.

I'm a manipulative piece of shit. I want to be close to everyone, so I lie about my friend loyalties so I don't have to choose sides. I'm in it too deep now to back out, and there's no solution to this aside from losing all of my friends. I'm so fucking lonely that it doesn't really matter, anymore. The only person that I would ever pursue a relationship with is an asshole that would hurt me as I've watched him hurt so many others. But because we're hooking up, I've felt myself start to have feelings I really don't want to have. I know I should stop.                    

I'm a bad person. I'm terrible at school, I'm in fucking community college, and barely scraping by, despite being intelligent. I have no motivation. I'm a slut who would only date people who are into weird kinky shit, and even then I'm an awful partner and too insufficient on my own to ever last in the long haul.

The last time I had posted here months ago on a throwaway, the only real responses I got were telling me that I was a bad person, and the reason I was so alone was because I'm such a slut, so... I don't really know what I'm expecting here.

I just really hate myself and I'm trying to not hurt myself more right now. I've already self harmed tonight, and I've calmed down enough to care for my injuries. I don't see the point in staying alive when I'm so awful. All I do is use and hurt people. I don't deserve to be alive. I just want to sleep forever.",3.0038333333333367,4.160254605555558,4.950000000000003,83.32166666666669,73.77777777777777,8.0,25.555555555555557,8.515128840125781,1.6408055555555556,1358,44,285,24,27,468,179,360,0.223,0.675,0.101,-0.9939,0,3,0,0,0,2,44.0,0,0,0,4,25,25,6,0,15,2,29,14,3,4,4,45,59,25,1,8,4,0,2,1,3,4,6,0,0,5,13,16,1,1,7,0,0,0,9,19,1,1,10,4,31,6,40,42,7,38,0,6,2,4,13,18,4,1,19,176,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779143660099971,0.0,0.0,0.09088996236366227,0.0968422197642384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703153198846426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747984711601512,0.1465471433405217,0.10699191309481446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947428393859455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904737892850382,0.0,0.08907168068902528,0.09107808781192764,0.0,0.20115464042187312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979749392781472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067661600061404,0.0,0.05796278339613685,0.1587627696516332,0.0,0.08385573707466032,0.07887048614666085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044372662165640564,0.0,0.08426064575264358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356019443305137,0.1622601798818519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018742594444025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732840747073109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757834638299996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645809161465237,0.1430676133501755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198548474621464,0.04287372067488755,0.0,0.0,0.077662334252956,0.0,0.0981778262704264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897199675999587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840611666231983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004693616650294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420537182934439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337164129197923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167954460374447,0.2298785287422009,0.0,0.09633102012304227,0.08295889165871267,0.0,0.08404711092728202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988687241263687,0.22487796205360897,0.09022898711433093,0.08664961867283894,0.09421835881274912,0.0,0.07494414403041498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881494158345411,0.06993110285510287,0.0,0.09154986786204368,0.0,0.1801629486364076,0.0,0.0,0.08782054758579026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211497689764384,0.0935374671906341,0.0,0.07336892396609514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670363498944499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117191178870276,0.10086395778139153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059581358174292685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579401877531174,0.0,0.0,0.155284358447526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890423540823371,0.0,0.0,0.0979777467700142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777653047808007,0.0,0.0,0.1870205279424003,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScreamIntoTheVoid6,2018/03/19,"Well Shit Account is a throw away because I think its unfair for the people I know to read this.

I've reached a point in my life now, where I've come to the painful realisation that things will actually not become better. I've accepted that the only thing that can make me somewhat happy is being high and it's not a way to live. Due to my view on life, being that its completely meaningless and nothing really matters; Suicide is not really a problem for me, it's just death.

I guess this will also serve as my anon suicide note, I didn't actually post here looking for help I just did it to scream into the nothingness. It's hard to word the amount of guilt I feel for being a dissapointment to my mother and the fact that I will most likely commit suicide whilst being in a relationship. ",6.192222222222222,6.097416445859878,7.0719320594479855,75.43079971691438,66.07006369426752,9.780325548478416,30.82024062278839,9.444778638647367,2.6120932767162057,630,21,121,11,9,211,93,157,0.206,0.6759999999999999,0.118,-0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,1,12,0,13,4,1,1,2,23,20,5,4,1,5,1,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,15,5,0,0,4,1,1,2,5,5,1,0,2,5,13,5,18,11,3,15,0,0,2,0,3,8,1,3,4,87,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.2940534291447889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048626114382648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415541573739107,0.0,0.0,0.09184361593399634,0.16639698565230876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325041254421205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978403436592015,0.15796875019981604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618044437243697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659738156256141,0.0,0.0,0.1603850486007848,0.13496570318008602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009871671739178,0.15918520390803026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280121051888857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283743377759431,0.07360701236992194,0.0,0.13303941986551215,0.0,0.12652014484306784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056965266908804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456654911890698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458706054509026,0.16031753744053867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445172011931736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424265510059769,0.0,0.14429484160221825,0.0,0.0,0.14416547702288132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070516554396055,0.0,0.19303893706965108,0.0,0.0,0.16175717417186716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465483494472165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944071783967952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001894568403094,0.09653965986968496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195903828047472,0.0,0.0,0.13546538393004365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idfc1337,2018/03/19,"first post I feel like im drowning and im falling deeper and deeper into my own black hole and my suicidal thoughts are coming more frequently than ever. I dont know what to do, should I just end it?",0.4885714285714258,2.79634023809524,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,87.09523809523809,5.2647619047619045,20.304761904761907,6.742157984588678,0.42567047619047615,158,5,33,2,5,53,32,42,0.147,0.7929999999999999,0.06,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,8,3,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,3,6,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374592922144327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230750191387197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441556242210023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24935299342071296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938351115096798,0.19693372432763548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23447883322838864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5955267546883375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149719255049235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467503260147046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640089832656166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015306138422475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188456546447951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imthewiseguy,2018/03/19,"I'm literally just waiting for my grandma to die, then I'll kill myself Im just going to die alone anyway so why prolong the torture? I can't stand spending every single night with my arms around myself trying to go to sleep. I hate it!",2.766020408163264,4.34333616326531,4.599744897959184,83.90329081632655,75.12244897959185,5.716326530612244,24.494897959183675,5.985473137389443,0.7538122448979592,188,6,36,1,4,64,38,49,0.377,0.623,0.0,-0.9732,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,6,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,7,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701470617367475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321990222103155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5414124325973001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976527857208256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964778132076685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575211960185966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28174725354253805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885759924327688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447765810139779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610240149015451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709027956980394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353635969853625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,makemday,2018/03/19,"Just random words Hey so... i don't know if this goes here... i just wanted to throw some random words, and lately i have just been... lacking of friends to talk... so, sorry if this doesn't go here. 

I'll start, i guess.

Have you ever been happy? What does it feel to you?
Have you ever feel sad? How does it feel to you?

I'm happy when i draw, it makes me feel that i can see and feel the beauty of things, it makes me happy to see beautiful things.

I'm sad when i hear my mother screaming at my brother in the morning and it wakes me up. I like silence, so the screams, the loud television and the noise makes me sad.

I'm happy when i'm with my doggie, because she likes to play. And i like to play with her too.

I'm sad when my brother takes too much time in the bathroom, because i know what he's doing and my mother knows too. And that makes her angry. That makes her scream.

I'm happy when i read comics and watch super-heroes, because i want to be some day like them. Because some day, i wanna be too a person who inspires people to do good things.

I'm sad when people make fun of me and tell me that i'm gonna die as a virgin, that i'll never have a girlfriend, that i'm gonna die alone. I'm sad when i tell myself that, too.

I'm happy when i listen to music, when i forget about my problems, when all i have to fo is listeng to a song.

I'm sad when people tell me that my music is boring, that i should listen to other things. I'm sad when they laugh at me when they listen to it.

I'm sad when i remember who i am.

I'm sad when i remember the things they said to me.

I'm sad when i remember the shame.

I'm sad when i remember that nobody will look at me.

I'm sad when i look at the mirror most of the time.

I'm sad when i remember i'm gonna be alone.

I'm happy when i'm alone, because nobody looks at me, and i can be myself.

I'm sad when i'm alone, because i remember that that's how i have always been.

I'm sad because i know that i can't be myself, because they will laugh. And they will tell me the truth.

I'm sad because i can't be myself.

Sorry if it doesnt go here, but i just wanted to tell that to somebody. I just wanted somebody to listen to me. 

Just... to listen.

Have a nice day!",0.6156683289332179,1.9311958357289527,2.864381050161338,95.17876967830252,80.37577002053388,5.295179427006944,18.166079984355136,5.622346879071545,-0.499007196636355,1680,32,407,8,42,575,145,487,0.134,0.754,0.111,-0.6957,0,4,0,0,0,0,74.0,0,4,6,0,43,44,0,1,16,0,32,2,1,8,5,70,97,42,2,11,10,4,5,4,2,7,0,12,0,1,33,13,0,0,16,5,0,3,6,23,0,0,4,23,71,21,37,80,7,42,0,17,6,1,38,8,0,10,35,254,104,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553520319627832,0.0,0.0,0.051287455687065886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33816360921035843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925353946702567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279402817717451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787903145986197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150955170488616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582921855357168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762108917533288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006018457849703,0.0516987295848306,0.0,0.0,0.06790081155959178,0.0,0.0,0.4593009110911856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947010202430681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354977439340493,0.0,0.06952994472547781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045215343288865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528028588906442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468616272545397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045310758859454105,0.0,0.04753874921564609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281953398160436,0.0538196113670489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058978898881316265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061654321846405326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189405958863546,0.0,0.058631512253674536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823444056451792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799658735039638,0.0436274401310457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634383575334415,0.049542001706683665,0.2693700787211054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474655194697347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188280925006557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542191249883585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnintelligableMess,2018/03/19,"Can't tell if my meds are making me suicidal or if it's just me I recently started antidepressants after resisting for years and trying everything else to help with depression and suicidal thoughts (which I'm still doing all of those other healthy things, just also with meds) but it's really really fucking difficult. I was on an extremely low dose of an SSRI that made me sleep constantly, unable to focus at all, and just feel generally horrible whenever I was awake to the point where I definitely was considering trying to end my life, plus I was getting really terrible nose bleeds constantly which apparently happens to less than 0.1% of people on SSRIs so I'm just special. Now, I'm on a different medication and there are no glaring negative side effects, but I just feel fucking hopeless. I don't feel any better and I don't feel like things are ever going to get better, it's really easy for me to just kind of end up falling into this place where all I can describe it as is like a pit of despair. It feels like everything is pointless and sucks and it always will and there's no point to anything because I'm just going to kill myself at some point anyway, on the other hand, these types of feelings is why I'm on medication in the first place and I don't know if the meds are making it worse or if it's just me. I keep hoping it's the meds, but at the same time, if it is then I don't know what they're going to put me on next and if it will feel even worse. I just hate how I'm feeling and it feels like looking even a week into the future is horribly overwhelming because of the idea of having to be alive that long distresses me. I can't get anything done and I just want to quit. Everything is just so fucking pointless. I just keep chasing my mind in circles trying to figure out how I can die while hurting the least amount of people possible. I'm so fucking tired of feeling like this. It feels like all these medications either suck or best case are doing nothing and if these don't work I don't know what to do because I am barely hanging on. I'm running out of things to try to make it stop hurting like this. I don't want to keep feeling like this. I don't really care what it takes to stop feeling this awful.",4.443993991846078,5.3850251596452345,5.6776625420213165,80.26883055575426,70.13082039911308,8.834875903011229,28.96080394821543,9.11188708381993,2.3623461984121303,1781,65,348,34,31,596,194,451,0.261,0.659,0.081,-0.9985,2,0,0,0,0,4,30.0,0,0,0,7,28,33,8,2,14,1,36,14,3,7,5,89,89,36,4,10,26,0,14,8,0,2,7,0,0,0,36,20,0,5,20,0,0,7,13,18,0,1,7,16,32,15,54,79,11,54,0,7,1,4,2,26,6,12,29,242,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020963342267254,0.05224266111327858,0.0,0.0,0.04269637103274433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333442249764352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148205839690038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588962910359865,0.11105754803492933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401411866791394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569788906839544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407715797372808,0.0,0.06516155552852143,0.06559760416497668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425148257746441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244932464001717,0.0,0.11121883780132977,0.0,0.0,0.08293861277927271,0.056793183075380387,0.0,0.0,0.16928298626184174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127018130104909,0.2691243342866603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340541182264098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321771564478214,0.0984086769607668,0.0,0.10704753525308558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552111176070239,0.0,0.0,0.061987796008438824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208387409535256,0.0,0.0,0.06236028215498615,0.0,0.0,0.13442659828136985,0.07087731674863244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742021761332831,0.06946298024556967,0.06538155603958938,0.103515995624036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044347336481122566,0.2453910394991965,0.0,0.0,0.05556329329562238,0.0527241034193164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059409266758355665,0.12572965612899198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27896265588388625,0.18974970440249875,0.0,0.0,0.06339557271918356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677321356181297,0.0,0.0,0.060244490679118586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705527962724459,0.0,0.13119520832995335,0.0,0.17805810009647113,0.07078134690585185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311688431548633,0.0,0.06678022970862282,0.0,0.0,0.20111036259560616,0.0,0.061993220041406824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283095775872456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443998126779493,0.0,0.050140673033762725,0.10498317055045757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735454401288194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720696851729345,0.0,0.054877394669561805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513591775045566,0.0,0.0,0.04984476488125803,0.036610796862639836,0.07216282800502377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050924420617686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406516458407067,0.0,0.05036283297343736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056654251623961385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570867530279239,0.0,0.12796781068760835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404318773844453
suicidewatch,throwmeawayinthegar1,2018/03/19,"Stopped wearing a seatbelt I've been so tired for so many years.
I've been in constant pain for so many years.
In the last two months it's gotten so much worse. My whole body hurts and aches and it is excruciating. I feel so out of it. Seen so many fucking doctors, spent so much money, I just wish I could be healthy and feel good. Been going to therapy but I just cry my eyes out.

I used to want to kill myself because I couldn't get a girlfriend and was extremely lonely. Now I am in an amazing relationship with a beautiful girl who loves me .... and I wish she would dump me so I could kill myself and end this constant torture without feeling guilty.I don't want to do that to her but part of me realizes it doesn't even matter because I'll be fucking dead

My parents can tell that I'm being eaten alive. it makes me sad to think about what this will do to them. I feel like my friends and other people can tell too. but I have no way of knowing. I'm scared of telling anyone because I'll end up in the psych ward. I was on Lexapro once and it made me feel empty 

I just want my suffering to end. 25 years old and I've had enough of this shit.  I feel like Job from the bible. I feel myself slipping. 

Psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, lol, wonder if she'll be able to tell

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suicidewatch,blaquehartz,2018/03/19,"Having a crisis I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for several years. I’m also an alcoholic. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of being in pain. I’m 38 and life isn’t going to get any better. Ive been wanting to snuff it out for a while but my SO keeps me going, but I can’t keep going through the motions when all I want to do is die. ",0.15740259740259788,1.5925707142857166,3.105194805194806,92.39207792207796,82.11688311688313,5.43896103896104,20.090909090909093,6.18269132825596,0.012901298701298636,263,7,62,2,7,94,52,77,0.233,0.723,0.044,-0.928,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,10,8,0,0,1,10,22,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,11,18,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,38,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039629856630533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247257235847732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115328069015956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756592380553708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836726678892565,0.0,0.0,0.18489946654014144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930799954328007,0.0,0.3037532177093137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167093303575224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583798516360825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791445055476413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126738311312345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6142978767434422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016394267641852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472765649874868
suicidewatch,Sea_Fruit,2018/03/19,"Well... I don't think I'm brave enough to kill myself.... So, tomorrow I'll leave my home, walk 5 hours to my destination (because I do not have money to travel, even by bus), there I'll set a camp and wait for it. I hope the exausting walk can help me just lay there and nothing else.",2.9475000000000016,3.2961767500000008,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,73.16666666666666,8.0,23.333333333333336,8.07648339933343,0.8473333333333337,215,5,52,3,4,72,47,60,0.14800000000000002,0.76,0.093,-0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,5,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839329391209952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581706351989635,0.0,0.0,0.31933004794520714,0.0,0.2041238327729466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714891147599,0.0,0.3100011676032203,0.3069552137351237,0.3043508373467719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34191673307322695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272380802538353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965406806020027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980260068274546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778720069992528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sademoticon,2018/03/19,"Thank you. My last post here was about a year ago. I was fifteen and in probably the lowest spot I've ever been. As a last-ditch effort, I created a throwaway account and created a post on r/SuicideWatch.

I then failed a suicide attempt. Nobody knows about this but you.

That got me thinking - what would happen if I were to die?

So I read this subreddit. A mountain of one-off posts from throwaway accounts just like this one, all crying out for help. And in a strange way I realized I wasn't alone. I decided to give life a second chance. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

And then I watched another man die.

It was pretty quick, really. One moment there, the next gone. Brain aneurysm, I think. It shook me up for a long time. I realized that really, nobody gets off this ride alive. Too many people have their lives cut short against their will. Life really was precious to me, then. Now that I had seen how fleeting it was, I grew to appreciate its value more. I'm happy to say I am no longer suicidal.

And it's all thanks to you, r/SuicideWatch.

Thank you.",1.228714285714286,3.7203168238095214,2.632666666666669,91.149,85.52380952380952,6.217142857142857,21.25714285714286,7.554174236665415,0.9320514285714292,823,27,170,15,25,266,131,210,0.153,0.625,0.221,0.9466,1,1,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,4,2,3,12,10,1,1,11,0,14,3,1,1,4,21,27,14,4,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,14,6,0,0,6,1,2,4,3,4,0,3,13,3,24,6,21,12,4,29,0,1,2,0,10,7,0,1,15,112,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285521660680567,0.0,0.0,0.13185778330006706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334986909079879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063009652953924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212331689165095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398472578348085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642614091540422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516181948169088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651574289908417,0.12213014795202352,0.0,0.0,0.1018237675524833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258238936039716,0.13552696428795585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533516258855575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996784799389348,0.2075540342167339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984975244491114,0.0621986589387904,0.0,0.1124196355103103,0.1126679225537642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907531220679766,0.12790293409484235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353987283334954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588115761569427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826274435132736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657917371107943,0.1295230033194448,0.13726485424274878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734736664591365,0.0,0.2446797381551145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124433914982052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785193283075291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516378784439313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631539491950645,0.0,0.0,0.07423718395533765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105506517571136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043944129358276,0.0,0.0,0.08198534247452308
suicidewatch,coffeebandit69,2018/03/19,"Taking first steps tomorrow Hi guys, I haven't posted before but, tomorrow is the day I begin making preparations for checking out of this life. Hopefully it won't take more than a couple of weeks.

I was supposed to be so much more; a performer, a music teacher, a leader, but alas I am slaving away at Starbucks in an effort to put away cash so that I could move to my gf's home country and teach English.

But now I can't even do that because I just failed my 3rd and final try at my teaching certification. It's like something has broken in my brain and I am incapable of mustering even 1/10th of the work ethic I once had all of my life. Because of this, I won't be able to accept a job offer in my gf's country, which means we can't be together.

There's no one else like her for me. We've been through so much in 4 years and she even saved me from buying a gun 2 years ago. But this time is too late. I can't ask her to help me again. She will be furious that I couldn't finish my course, as she should. I don't even know why has supported me through my depression, I'm just lazy and useless now.

Am I allowed to ask for advice on saying good bye to everyone? Anyone have any good ideas for a ""last day""?

I know this will be so hard on my gf and my family; I almost wish they weren't around because they don't deserve to have to care for a garbage person like me. 

Idk how to end this post, just feeling helpless but at the same almost at peace, almost like I've accepted my passing but can't tell anyone.",4.386156901688182,4.2127373773584935,5.483280370738168,85.56031281032773,69.8805031446541,8.45574313141344,28.057596822244292,8.032893268588372,1.5700037735849055,1178,36,260,14,19,392,168,318,0.132,0.711,0.157,0.8155,2,0,1,1,0,0,32.0,1,0,2,5,18,17,1,0,12,0,33,3,1,3,1,39,48,18,0,5,9,0,2,4,3,5,2,1,1,2,11,9,0,0,7,0,3,4,12,5,0,2,4,3,40,12,40,32,6,39,0,4,0,0,21,14,0,4,24,174,51,6,0.1074641019585426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501267669111096,0.09526044237336813,0.0,0.3228293248623428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307927443288731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028279750847884,0.0,0.0,0.09566583445578647,0.2009288574876272,0.0,0.20193212258393287,0.0,0.0,0.19652735732458507,0.0,0.0914440356616113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996547829808167,0.0,0.0,0.10956681405368633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858013409803342,0.1189069848172408,0.0,0.1386109109598406,0.0,0.0925586735482016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977246769398442,0.0,0.0951812972999141,0.0,0.0,0.2839161033021342,0.0,0.0,0.10268655469430336,0.0,0.0,0.10130759126636342,0.0,0.054337078885217716,0.0,0.0,0.11772167089177818,0.0,0.0914089102278744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027158024608425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640635642099903,0.0,0.0,0.09626672725406966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203092229676246,0.0,0.10779525635171568,0.1067361010569614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131389053574712,0.0,0.0,0.1066415392108966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811892001470725,0.08759758613883578,0.12122418781604424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181014660876402,0.21000612798193372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173312252975471,0.0,0.0,0.11705991121387417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421733339320285,0.15799695983515566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444576133697255,0.07282045667992704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383350874655554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584180770955288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803110425246254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545976717065296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273111590868377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194898939532993,0.0,0.0,0.16159926120064064,0.0,0.09392836178379543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626631820554417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296107110093239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620122045643862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696963704578357,0.0,0.12357841373717213,0.0,0.0,0.07823514611709613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384067166246382
suicidewatch,DoItForBirb,2018/03/19,"Grad school makes me want to kill myself, but I don't have another option Honestly I've got a laundry list of shit going on -- Bipolar I, PTSD, history of abuse, domestic violence, and rape, realizing my parents see me as their therapist and not their child, partner lashing out due to grief -- and the icing on the cake is i am stuck in a graduate program for a degree I already have in a department that enables homophobia and is not equipped to help me. I know so much of this is my own fault and I can't ask a university to fix me, but I'm at the point where I feel like the only way out is to die. I feel like I've hurt enough for a lifetime, so why not?

It's not like I can even leave. Leaving means no income and no insurance thousands of miles away from home, and if I can't afford my asthma and bipolar meds I'll just end up dead anyway. I can't take about this with anyone right now because I can't use people as my emotional tampons, so I guess I just wanted to say it somewhere.

I relapsed with self harming recently and stopped again, but I don't know why my piece of shit self even deserves to stay on the wagon or stick around. The universe doesn't seem to want me, and I just want to go.",4.594093333333333,4.508679556000004,5.730800000000002,83.66073333333334,69.44,8.906666666666666,30.66666666666667,8.648137234880735,2.155826666666667,939,35,203,14,15,314,145,250,0.259,0.672,0.069,-0.9962,3,0,0,0,2,1,25.0,0,0,2,1,14,12,4,0,12,0,15,6,2,2,0,43,36,20,4,5,12,1,2,3,1,0,3,1,1,4,5,15,0,1,7,0,0,3,13,8,0,1,2,4,30,4,33,34,4,26,0,2,1,1,10,15,2,5,9,133,35,4,0.0,0.14557364822637306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558338522793575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883352740917084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859093059826715,0.0,0.0,0.1093749328679628,0.1148611749636832,0.0,0.115434692422562,0.0,0.0,0.07489670210329538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751334589078087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820536716132434,0.1088209606040187,0.1269512676217779,0.0,0.16230091398594504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242473739788178,0.1755480106185229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396527884043285,0.0,0.0982654965277488,0.0,0.13534845399371453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235309225538569,0.0,0.12324252429327555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131528361965443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593071796422762,0.0,0.13504558885142756,0.0,0.0,0.26019029132811056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007530808060185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820126172079473,0.0,0.0,0.1338348220488735,0.1364741116975143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903191143087714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344354369394067,0.0,0.0,0.13642583746298625,0.0,0.0,0.08517836853870582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614611264827075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436213415592086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131329348887575,0.0,0.0,0.10492511195417628,0.0,0.09770631647520764,0.0,0.12434484120688072,0.09790663288078727,0.111850693622109,0.25634771759929825,0.0,0.2522360859575342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095658565270066,0.0,0.1027197342860539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237837335491596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265447486171454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611497413632527,0.0,0.0,0.289873281061635,0.09752365675348763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173114576270286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DebbieDowner68,2018/03/19,"My mental illness is ruining my relationship. I've been suffering from depression for nearly my entire life, and I've also recently been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder as well. 

I've always been very open with my s/o since the start of our relationship regarding my mental health, and in the beginning, he was extremely supportive. 

Lately, he's been incredibly distant and he's not supporting me at all. Due to the way I acted in the past when I was depressed, he gave me an ultimatum: either get help for my mental illness, or he would leave. 

I've been getting help, and I feel as though I've made progress, but he can't seem to get past what I've done in the past. I've apologized countless times, and tried to make things better, but he's pushing me farther and farther away. 

I don't know what to do anymore. He was my sole supporter through my battle with mental illness, and honestly, my only motivation to get better. I just feel hopeless. ",7.234615384615381,6.997517736263737,7.976131868131869,70.29386813186817,63.94505494505494,11.675604395604394,36.88131868131868,11.20814326018867,4.2918312087912085,756,34,135,20,10,254,101,182,0.145,0.7070000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.5564,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,1,0,0,4,6,13,1,0,7,0,14,6,0,3,1,26,30,15,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,11,2,18,7,21,18,2,22,0,5,0,0,15,9,0,2,10,81,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223490677047373,0.09596957095187293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823244103898173,0.0,0.11438324944736525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836284887926076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401229586618805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867906949771552,0.1170645631321217,0.0,0.0,0.13218612201334054,0.0,0.0,0.118029730579971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663564156974435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410351566991879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259777052854925,0.0,0.0,0.15461583521430095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338616419987875,0.0,0.13010508854886205,0.12212516284024895,0.0,0.0,0.08146588945236413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091345984271771,0.07698830098810437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649300194407406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771893779542812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33030647075830644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388131083902002,0.2476574131782145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499841560321184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540790606438693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163607757522018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926489675756868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662473593589386,0.0,0.11331795490864018,0.0,0.06725389542265649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830620924110877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516505200537316,0.0,0.09154909202032534,0.0,0.0,0.10370175768421384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193205079682674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garroshsucks12,2018/03/19,"*sigh* Honestly, right now...my life is in shambles. Barely surviving and I think I'm finally depressed. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past but I've had distractions. 

My life as of last year I had everything. Good job, girlfriend, working car and I was pursuing my dream. I lost my job six months ago and my life fell apart. I couldn't afford to go to school, my girlfriend left me, and I've been struggling to find a job. 

Not a day goes by that I do not miss my dream career. People I know and family ask me, 'Oh how's wrestling going?' and I just get choked up and emotional and respond 'I don't want to talk about it' or I'll throw a small lie as a 'It's going well.' 

I've applied to well over 200+ jobs in the past six months and not a single one is interested. I spent most of my days, looking for work and playing video games to get me through the day. But now, Ive lost interest in playing games, I stopped exercising, I stopped talking to people. 

People just seem to forget about my existence. I no longer get invited to parties and I find myself alone at social gatherings. I stopped socializing with others. 

I've gone to therapy last year to get me to stop having PTSD triggers. I haven't had a trigger in over 10 months. I was raped in my childhood by two family members. Over the course of a few years and honestly its fucked me up to the point where I hate children and prefer to avoid kids at all costs. 

I'm so fucked in the head, that I am scum to this world. This world will be better off without me. I'd be doing everyone a huge favor because people in my hometown hate me. I get told to kill myself by the locals daily. And they're probably right. 

I guarantee the day I die, people will be like, 'that guy fucking died? That's great news!' I never thought that being unique would get me hated on. So I'm considering on planning my own departure. 

I can't just leave yet, I have to pay off my credit card debit. Not asking for handouts. My goals are to pay off my debits, clean out my room and make it nice and clean. Maybe help my parents pay monthly bills, write my letter explaining everything and revealing the identities of my rapists. 

And buying my own Bios Urn, and leaving them money in a box to pay for my cremation. Its the least I could do. ",1.8612906356137808,4.015590475982535,3.3225647743813687,89.36918437651626,79.82969432314411,6.603862202814168,23.71489568170791,7.715138304826218,1.1731436584182429,1770,62,369,29,45,580,235,458,0.201,0.65,0.14800000000000002,-0.9876,6,2,0,0,0,1,58.0,0,0,1,8,13,32,9,3,19,0,29,10,1,4,2,61,64,27,6,5,11,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,3,3,13,21,0,5,10,8,12,7,11,16,3,4,14,1,58,15,58,41,7,66,0,4,1,5,22,34,3,3,26,226,71,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667804851394446,0.0,0.0,0.07790530146652384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064121238174068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585345305118126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652603421055987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060057100659104724,0.0,0.0,0.19404287478148746,0.0,0.06478693119064008,0.0,0.15613310212612685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461244803293183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718759949570711,0.1352058872129854,0.0,0.14182156448137434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239990375122436,0.13749955215153442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861921219303792,0.2357962741280352,0.0,0.12824788802582027,0.06309102117236387,0.0,0.08293038647942119,0.0,0.07447968977325442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279272201818867,0.07719748699672996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041842355280126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985772288243663,0.0,0.08321985640689288,0.0,0.041338980183852486,0.12262878384244492,0.0,0.15929437442161765,0.0817268199908454,0.0,0.1593904678840453,0.036748723921839976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316590938404958,0.0,0.16422317170969666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050209977036941536,0.0,0.0755686648882604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401597508434871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058014350784976874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097106230391829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352297974949002,0.0,0.14361212547077165,0.26074060760239504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711072740699536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109995165173055,0.0,0.0879282299139188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847504789317213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612672091453047,0.0,0.06847752150248249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335476580679852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515493676621123,0.0,0.07863634326980527,0.0,0.08227854167195284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091807685405072,0.0,0.0,0.08602069906060851,0.0,0.0,0.048197979972749,0.0,0.1194326578384374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718759949570711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347907295240219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436674282941068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352637428073488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250945778462252,0.0,0.10952220540495117,0.0,0.0,0.053434175534459866,0.0,0.0,0.1453177657350473
suicidewatch,JAME2313,2018/03/19,"Need help with something. Don’t judge or ask if I’m ok because I’m not. Hello, I am planning on doing something this week that I need help preparing for. I want to cut my wrists and hit an artery at school. I do not want to die, I want to do it as a cry for help. I want to make it look like an accident and I have a plan for that. It is to bring a piece of glass, set it On a flat surface in the bathroom and say I fell on it. But I want to slit my wrists with my blade. If I don’t want to die but hit an artery and veins but don’t mess up a tendon where should I cut? How deep should I go? Thank you. Don’t ask me if I’m fine because I’m not. I wanna do it as a cry for help. Which artery should I cut for the most blood? Should I cut horizontal or vertical? What can I do in advance so it hurts less? I want it to be like people think it’s an accident at first but then they realize that it wasn’t and it was either a suicide attempt or a cry for help.",-0.8870000000000005,0.643976300000002,1.6654545454545475,100.93318181818184,86.0,5.090909090909091,17.272727272727273,6.11248444174946,-0.6750000000000003,726,16,198,6,22,249,100,220,0.177,0.6629999999999999,0.16,-0.9421,0,0,2,0,0,3,20.0,0,1,1,5,3,11,4,0,14,1,20,5,5,2,0,40,43,20,3,17,14,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,17,7,0,0,2,0,0,4,8,6,0,1,2,2,23,5,28,34,4,19,0,1,1,0,11,11,0,7,5,129,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364435063334417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417602043261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167266178841524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26248819600058865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075656504229529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186935657327616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238127874023012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537658436471814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356260288449494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106193404071111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441212090317103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753495116470525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767049495802888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056498231725128,0.0,0.12798289003540908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947080710348648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832522174307174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642612095563072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102958720245873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221200559260335,0.0,0.10143748921778156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onethousandturtles,2018/03/19,"Things have been going badly for me I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now, I'm seeing a therapist but I'm not on medication. Anyway, my parents recently announced their divorce, which hit me really hard. I've tried being positive or at least pretending to be but then my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm ""never happy"" and I get really anxious when he's away at his friends' houses. After we talked about it he still wants to be with me but I can't shake the feeling that he's just being nice and I ruin everything I touch. I need help.",2.7111769480519503,5.07519977678572,4.289837662337664,82.44152597402598,78.01785714285714,7.6441558441558435,25.36038961038961,8.575989854853784,2.071239285714286,453,17,84,10,11,151,80,112,0.21,0.637,0.153,-0.6602,1,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,6,9,0,2,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,17,19,9,0,2,6,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,4,15,3,14,12,1,15,0,3,1,0,11,5,0,1,8,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105722602263675,0.2378424487480024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978027541671803,0.0,0.17578632354562412,0.12833900834455803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133182889003074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892135524438293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645184846633801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626573313961572,0.0,0.10999484218835004,0.0,0.11965079818631505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241163730477572,0.18859628217497712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111588223988128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429269016904585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120899237306064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610760736260848,0.16237608629358072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377206473561324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697457575408482,0.0,0.20787601253660015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677676028638126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681319855493588,0.0,0.0,0.2200948814874276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921851073089614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444451267616039,0.13986882000804882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293813808403158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241778622833272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557639761950493
suicidewatch,MelissaArt94,2018/03/19,"I am on the verge of killing myself. Point is, even at my own helpless stage, I am expected to plan a future for myself and to apply for jobs, something I cannot do.",4.4105714285714255,3.843953628571427,5.732142857142858,85.13535714285717,69.85714285714286,8.142857142857144,28.92857142857143,7.1686216300943375,1.4701428571428568,127,4,28,1,2,43,29,35,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.8126,1,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,7,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32495441590672763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882236503336909,0.0,0.5443134727346375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650890899939629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37875754329875705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A_random_account4567,2018/03/19,"Its so hard 2 years ago i was kicked out of college because of bad grades mostly due to the stress and sleepless nights of having to live with 9 people in a small 2 room apartment. Afterwards, my depression gotten so bad that i just couldn't do anything, this lasted for about a year. My father came to me and told me to move in with him (he lived in florida and i in new york) because ill have my own room and space to focus on school but ill need a part time to pay for car insurance and phone bill. I decided to go.

Due to my lack of work experience and maybe age (23 at the time and i wanted to focus on scbool. i know im too old to be still doing this) it was hard to find a part time and i was only able to find seasonal jobs that lasted 2 months. After 10 months of desperately trying to change my life around and failing, i just felt more useless then normal and with my father and siblings always looking at me with pity and disappointment, i just couldn't take it (wasnt helping that my father would sometimes humiliate me in front of my siblings). 

I told him that i need to see my family in new york and think about what i should do. I also just needed some time away from them. So i left to new york.

Now i need to make a decision in a couple days to either go back or stay, and just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I still think going to florida is my best bet in making it in life, but i feel so destroyed. I'm afraid to fail and have my family there hate me more then they do now. If i stay in new york i feel like ill never get anything done.

This has got me feeling the worst ive ever had and i was so close to ending it yesterday.

I never posted anything like this. I just dont know what to do.

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suicidewatch,CursedbyRevenga,2018/03/19,"Up late contemplating suicide after being ghosted Thoughts of suicide rage through my head right now. It is a whirlwind of emotion, and am unable to manage it right now, so here I am needing someone to talk to. Here's some background:


Me and my ex ended our 3.5 year relationship 6 months ago. Our anniversary is coming in a few days, and I am stuck in a loop trying to meditate, but find myself replaying the entire scene. What's worse, every scene isn't real, it's a slight modification of it for what I WISH I could have said. Long story short, she was para-suicidal our entire relationship, I gave so much love and patience. She began making friends and would say ""I finally have people who really care about me"", and I'm 100% supporting her, watching her play tennis, etc. Anyways, we end up breaking up, and she then ghosts me. I had spent the better part of two years trying to build her up for her to eventually just walk all over me. What I need is closure and she is uncompromising about having any form of contact with me. It's been 6 months and it didn't start getting THIS bad until recently. I've spammed her with messages needing to know why, what happened, what's going on, etc. Nothing. 


And here's where things become twisted in my thoughts. I really just want to kill myself so that I can be heard by HER. My mind's racing, and all I want to scream at her is ""I AM SERIOUS, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED"". I wouldn't even care about the why, I need to know that there's an ounce of respect still left for me by this woman. I'm dying more and more everyday right now. I eat healthy, workout, but can't get an ounce of sleep because everything replays in my head. I just need these thoughts to stop. I can't manage being stuck in this loop anymore. 

I haven't told y counselor this yet. It started last week and Spring Break happened. 

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suicidewatch,novemberthethird,2018/03/19,"i need help. (25m) I might as well state right off the bat, suicide currently isn't an option for me, despite believing that's hands down my easiest way out at this point and as much as I want it to be an option.

Everything has lost meaning in my life. My will to go to university, to work, to further myself in life. Why it could possibly be important to wake up in the morning is beyond me. I just don't see the point of every single fucking day, all the negative shit, how everything good comes to an end, it's just this perpetual cycle. I'd explain my story, but I truthfully don't see the point, it just doesn't matter, and i'm feeling beyond hopeless.

I've spoken to counselors and psychologists over the past few months and nothing seems to be helping me. Anti-depressants aren't helping, especially due to my issues being entirely situational. 

here's the problem. I hate being alone, i'm always trying to get my feelings or decisions reaffirmed by people, and most of all... I don't love myself, partially due to being treated poorly and discarded ( ghosted from a near 6 year relationship, when I was extremely mentally and physically healthy). I guess, I'm just tired and I don't know what to do anymore.. I don't know how to fix myself anymore.",4.944713144517067,6.132646337448563,6.446434277414671,74.3042483660131,69.16460905349794,9.503655289276203,32.40111353183249,9.773937934552695,3.2996266763495523,992,44,178,23,17,339,145,243,0.14800000000000002,0.767,0.085,-0.9626,1,1,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,0,2,11,11,3,0,11,0,21,8,3,2,3,39,43,16,2,4,6,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,8,0,1,2,9,6,1,0,2,5,23,5,34,32,6,30,0,2,2,2,6,17,2,7,9,123,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193109195975505,0.0,0.0,0.10599343941963753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526607944720417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351780378886034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972977462803137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170551580879666,0.0,0.0,0.08215194561544756,0.0,0.10971539055497403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282414501490096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073262577444152,0.0,0.2289685041147249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288180481195742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177641741546015,0.0665527234992281,0.0,0.07239508989448935,0.10684340037760713,0.0,0.0,0.1403275023136082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576502729695993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561478185307627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295548311576985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400134957054724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799497430860928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905435163526478,0.0,0.11496875887156364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875818856103664,0.0,0.0,0.12837280442432078,0.1351339709894055,0.0,0.0,0.10167645069436933,0.0,0.09364167338561356,0.09445339637961794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222809169920056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216021514284352,0.08831181558039587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612562998050285,0.14360597728814528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188899335847245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136762417296276,0.0,0.10878498021993684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301662629606826,0.11596533248000065,0.0,0.0,0.13075753320915326,0.0,0.14318461127240245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933708801963135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464088194495917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648516777824505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513420419401096,0.10111124852111054,0.0,0.0,0.11453324071151468,0.0,0.11494397221360073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273684769145484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203092367132807
suicidewatch,Toriichi,2018/03/19,"I think tomorrow might be it for me. I'm just so tired. My family doesn't support me, and the one person I've come to adore so much has exited my life the other day. It's all my fault. I never do anything right. All I do is mess everything up for myself, and everyone around me. I don't even feel like I'm wanted anywhere at this point. I'm just a pain in the ass.

Nothing I do is helping me feel any better, and I only dread waking up anymore. I feel like nobody cares, and that I'm not going to go anywhere in life. So, whats the point? I'm just so tired. Thank you to everyone who's tried to help me, be my friend and all that. I appreciate every single one of you, and I'm sorry that I'm letting you guys down.",0.6771428571428579,2.1590439617834387,3.289303912647864,91.45377388535034,80.71974522292993,6.269153776160145,19.494540491355774,7.1686216300943375,0.2499011828935398,550,13,129,7,14,193,87,157,0.19,0.6859999999999999,0.124,-0.8508,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,1,9,12,0,1,5,0,12,7,2,0,4,22,30,10,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,1,5,0,0,2,9,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,4,0,2,0,3,21,8,14,26,5,17,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,1,5,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910700984177484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453318626608158,0.0,0.0,0.11993016478630013,0.1297379437673303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889364177648785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858986221494125,0.0,0.0,0.12554060069658615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939891167727043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625874183399187,0.0,0.12279076406950468,0.2785182930641253,0.13098014483581294,0.0,0.13738905486674655,0.0,0.22106891948398089,0.2082308745970784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259701300307308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565281581314414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430378373184272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953705583525813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902723809826526,0.20587847663776565,0.1424006981066316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460525595749486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713438505559758,0.0,0.11240232544610873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983978465217006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751202438354387,0.11084050887436538,0.1550757768535482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725302142091513,0.0,0.0,0.27553951232584706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445967204318255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631420428359373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538204280198066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417620311403586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338318808085108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350093664784469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894670750059403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859601977617342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xHellOnEarthx,2018/03/19,"MENTALLY FUCKED Yeah so I came to this site just to see how many people are mentally fucked like me. I'm in a deep depression right now and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and stopped taking my meds. I used to self medicate with hard drugs like heroin (sniff not shoot). Now I'm suicidal/homicidal (again). I have seriously fucked intrusive thoughts about blowing my brains out and hanging myself and going on killing sprees and raping and torturing people and shit. I have a secret tumblr where I post all my ""deviant"" interests and demented thoughts like rape fantasy, incest, bestiality, drugs, etc. I have almost like split personalities where I believe in two conflicting things at once like most mentally fucked millennials.  I'm actually not objectively ugly; I'm just dark skin and my personality sucks because I'm introverted and was sheltered by my overprotective parents. People in America will make you feel ugly when you're actually not. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm 27 years old broke sexually frustrated out my fucking mind and have absolutely nothing to show for. People tell me I'm brilliant all the time and that I shouldn't kill myself and I'm actually talented but I'm just wasted potential and have not done anything with my artistic or musical or writing talent so now Idgaf anymore. I haven't left my house since mid December. I was seriously contemplating suicide in October/November and said it repeatedly on Twitter (I have over 700 followers most of em don't even come on anymore). I can't wait until Trump starts WWIII or Nuclear Holocaust or Zombie Apocalypse or Alien Invasion or Civil War/Race War so we can get this bullshit over with. We should probably all kill ourselves. What's the point in being a fucking loser just taking up space?",7.039299830604179,8.582253099378885,7.561660079051382,66.91822134387354,64.59006211180126,11.320383963862223,36.37549407114625,11.20814326018867,4.700150310559007,1446,70,230,44,22,476,192,322,0.203,0.7040000000000001,0.093,-0.991,2,0,2,1,0,3,32.0,2,1,0,1,17,30,16,1,6,1,19,17,3,3,4,61,52,28,6,2,15,1,3,5,0,3,5,1,0,3,7,25,0,3,4,3,0,5,8,22,0,1,8,6,27,8,28,40,7,42,0,3,1,9,11,24,8,9,17,137,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.25661687811263656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777415297811564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386107084500171,0.0,0.0,0.07213286932586263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343387665773079,0.0,0.0,0.09875754211963897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978523396105852,0.0,0.10025434789451183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550730678368578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549740880821998,0.08896831661317088,0.0,0.0,0.10046060430667723,0.0,0.0,0.08970183767870518,0.0,0.0,0.20330471224718102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775886556062173,0.05789551993491838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044321169489377234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862156505558344,0.04579629300780772,0.0,0.049816545061045735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785219600013501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114248402888702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29093291214665185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523777444078227,0.0,0.0,0.21411983729740192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058510614609215625,0.08886874836330144,0.0,0.0,0.09736531311299887,0.08830352494654678,0.2650078730009468,0.0,0.08850689735833908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410765490771692,0.0,0.09197952547545724,0.0933500675712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733087261800936,0.0,0.0,0.2430766808464688,0.15307450935020514,0.0,0.0,0.08286262122681022,0.0,0.08394957766101796,0.0,0.094507273174596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485717438834155,0.08338029337932673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984995064416241,0.0,0.09144362795040227,0.0,0.08997693841776412,0.07250939624278932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204289498413242,0.0,0.0,0.07328378230307135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588070591695233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181180129615347,0.0,0.0766146235294161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058234307503041725,0.0,0.0,0.13917708445470334,0.05111252885878805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562652231840832,0.0,0.0,0.0757060628880376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564471597649467
suicidewatch,lifesabitch2018,2018/03/19,"I can't believe I'm actually writing a note. Throwaway because my SO knows my username.

I've run out of strength to keep fighting. I know that, realistically, I should talk to someone, but I don't even know what I'd say. People expect you to say something if you reach out to them, and I can't afford a therapist who might be able to coax something out of me.

So here we are. I'm writing out a note. Not even sure if I'll use it, but it's there, currently in formation. I've got the beginnings of a note and the beginnings of a plan, and I can't decide if that makes me feel better or worse.

I just feel for my friends and family. I don't want to leave them behind and I especially don't want to hurt them. I know they care. It's just that I simply don't have the strength to keep going for their sake anymore. And I'll never forgive myself for that. I'll never forgive myself for the guilt they'll feel when I'm gone (not that they should feel it). I just...can't do it anymore. The worst part is having to wait until some obligations are taken care of.

I don't want to hurt anyone, including myself. But here we are. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt and will end up hurting. I'm just so, so tired. My strength is all gone now. And that means I have to go soon.

Sorry for the rambling, folks. I'm just shouting into the void hoping that maybe someone will understand.",1.2490659340659356,3.2389064090909123,3.0816833166833177,91.1612062937063,81.06293706293705,5.903896103896104,22.1023976023976,7.021680442328713,0.5788075924075929,1067,34,234,13,28,356,129,286,0.125,0.725,0.15,0.9041,2,0,2,0,2,0,40.0,2,2,7,5,16,18,1,1,12,0,24,1,0,2,4,61,59,21,0,10,13,0,4,0,1,6,1,3,0,0,14,15,0,3,13,0,0,5,12,7,0,0,4,7,34,11,31,48,4,22,0,4,0,0,21,7,0,7,10,153,48,0,0.10967838113049283,0.0,0.10703027868667644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754296524256794,0.07668967423582214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685892313921964,0.0,0.0,0.12356997715680235,0.0,0.09700161519081787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364883848692085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971424914133838,0.0,0.0,0.14488307267048486,0.0,0.0,0.10480239333395104,0.0,0.0,0.10339501660387837,0.0,0.22182673986480256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473724519243095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466550307148815,0.0,0.08771982070084956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893537989666896,0.0,0.0,0.4696519016897057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497436913197855,0.0,0.0,0.24110547972741744,0.0,0.0,0.11613356930913453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321117107119103,0.0,0.110186675621968,0.11947191037031077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163514300486038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918145797111658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877099868410675,0.0,0.07603717967980979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444130168569208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586027282413412,0.16887155239028714,0.0,0.24555193634853514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337057622516507,0.0,0.0,0.08815532820945271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734505395298926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605916476785373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417906277270153,0.0,0.09472690653209273,0.0,0.0,0.1940734525789008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117716404582128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hoping_pessimist,2018/03/19,"Wrote some Goodbye letters today. Thankfully didn't go through with an attempt. I'm really not sure why I'm writing this. Maybe just to vent. I wrote letters to my mom, sister, dad, and best friend/sorta girlfriend. Really there were three more I wanted to write, but I was too drained after the four to do it. I have a fifth general letter that I wrote a while back that would've explained why I may not have managed to write all seven people I wanted too before I took my life or made a serious attempt, so it would've been sorta okay I guess.
My spring break just ended and I had the intentions of slitting my wrists after I got back to my university. Thankfully by the time the drive was done I'd come back to my senses enough that I couldn't go through with it. I'm still afraid though. Afraid that this thing ain't going to go away until I really do take my life. I don't want to hurt the people I love. Sometimes in the moment though it's like I forget that I love them, that they are worth living for.
 I don't want to hurt them, but things are getting really bad. I'm losing my mind, and I don't even get to be ignorant of it like you're supposed to when you go crazy. I'm thinking about suicide everyday again now. Replaying various visions of it over and over. Dreaming about it sometimes  even. I'm switching antidepressants, and hopefully that'll help. I don't really want to die. I just want this stop. And I certainly don't want to hurt the people I love. They deserve better.
Sorry for any grammatical/spelling/formatting errors. I imagine there are several.",2.7162641842018265,4.864573718849844,3.887680951856339,86.41354632587858,76.98722044728434,7.000947449597883,23.892144981822184,7.990435384864732,1.367210730417538,1246,41,245,21,29,405,161,313,0.146,0.6659999999999999,0.187,0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,4,5,21,22,0,2,11,1,24,6,1,2,3,49,61,15,2,9,8,3,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,19,9,0,2,3,1,1,8,10,9,0,3,13,0,37,13,33,44,6,31,0,4,0,3,23,4,0,6,20,163,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323573977070962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736626939825043,0.21450850869562585,0.07764196896083056,0.0,0.0,0.07912682887939121,0.0,0.0975862664390925,0.08224125420078446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010182901272085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650794830539902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516007880470377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236069383287821,0.09608254169286304,0.0,0.1228367752995104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184310599814205,0.0,0.09716587673924217,0.0,0.2642390878750399,0.0,0.07437183451548028,0.0,0.10243791745868908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232859717272257,0.0,0.0,0.09235910404086788,0.0,0.0,0.2986400898332757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136182590757825,0.090859501290722,0.0,0.08211103094524516,0.0,0.0,0.10403095640312636,0.0,0.0,0.25177873269546003,0.0879884833729528,0.0,0.0,0.09341999493038797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389242790706838,0.10890764639331027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934006875181364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978558188126976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505115330242096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839370877387088,0.1040936234773456,0.0,0.0,0.0742611719731315,0.07774300593534607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171492320579084,0.0,0.08764107504284216,0.0,0.06991618969758089,0.0,0.0,0.1712236395202921,0.0,0.0,0.12355558000886645,0.05958362571797455,0.1827225304354621,0.0,0.05422266031529284,0.0,0.08814274235033956,0.0,0.10331425122535193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839314387029327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678163003525339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211350008419112,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GamesHelpWDepression,2018/03/19,The Break The break was fun and all spending the entire time sitting in my room on my bed crying with the door locked. Now it looks like I have to head back to school or do I? I could just take the knife I have beside me for reasons and jam it in my throat slide it across and bleed out while in horrible pain which really is the better of the two considering if I go back to school I have a guy who wants to slit my throat anyways because reasons. But seriously I really want to do it and if I gather up enough courage this time I'll do it. ,3.1230652173913036,3.81970542608696,4.17625,90.72437500000002,73.0,7.4891304347826075,23.07065217391305,7.6454224807358475,0.6825869565217397,424,10,99,5,8,138,73,115,0.095,0.7929999999999999,0.112,0.2862,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,8,0,9,5,3,2,1,17,14,9,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,8,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,13,4,15,12,2,19,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,3,7,70,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30695180251664234,0.0,0.12167099505536275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765251740245417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936002004422892,0.0,0.2192452588573728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623454199329502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343419169495755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763000086409285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048416080721666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751182319015986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676091665278892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123826910215921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557307801837111,0.410432913198193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040007139106486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007027401803186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277039342961234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949748890641956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545209305804785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,startedwithlittle,2018/03/19,what happened with user goodbyeannonymous? I was reading about a little girl that wanted to take her life 3 years ago. Anyone know if she managed to bridge her family together or leave it behind for her own safety/sake?,6.0784166666666675,7.998490675000002,6.130000000000003,74.8616666666667,67.25,8.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.137833333333333,177,5,28,3,3,56,37,40,0.043,0.957,0.0,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,19,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30954950869194114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417252835792855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329199763532003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30880117341225466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191415002287132,0.0,0.0,0.36975808709585817,0.0,0.0,0.2466540944299256,0.0,0.3499955406719182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492998902815259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625589943912745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205970386824288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487682223276792
suicidewatch,sswwaatch,2018/03/19,"I feel so worthless. I am a horrible person In high school I cheated on my boyfriend of two years multiple times and told myself I'd never do it again. Ive been in an absolutely amazing relationship for the last three years and love my boyfriend more than anything. I recently went on a week long trip where i ended up cheating on him with someone who I had strong feelings for. There was a lot of xanax and alcohol involved and I don't really remember how it happened or details but I know that it did. I feel like complete shit and I cut off contact with that guy and told my boyfriend, who said he is hurt but forgives me and thinks we can move past it. I don't know if I can though. I think I am a horrible person and I don't deserve to live. I think this all of the time but this made it worse. All day today I've been thinking about ways to end it but I can't stand the thought of putting him through even more pain than I've already put him through. ",3.0729313232830826,4.276976427135678,3.8744522613065335,90.9140569514238,73.67336683417085,7.1157118927973215,28.84455611390285,7.554174236665415,1.478161541038526,755,31,168,9,15,241,120,199,0.173,0.758,0.069,-0.9725,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,8,12,4,0,8,0,16,5,1,2,3,35,33,17,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,12,11,1,0,12,0,0,5,5,7,0,2,11,4,27,5,22,22,5,31,0,2,0,1,18,9,1,3,16,113,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387670146909902,0.0,0.0,0.14328945601321855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685306404732332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614216859482936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374060964695983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23001190332534854,0.0,0.0,0.08576275638935199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696372013317495,0.09276276331145944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285690007417639,0.11482332348797356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719054459085406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900395984842875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272109322963564,0.1058426817351121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343671311668878,0.0,0.11465733004900318,0.11491055920562658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039132430342316,0.117192038315508,0.12286442469990785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380068721050106,0.0,0.0,0.1001460550092826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816642331682571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395370820145625,0.0,0.22675488309939704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106431213215336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083183349500013,0.0,0.1282083037089661,0.13940714508200974,0.14709140316579214,0.0,0.12351428567879533,0.0,0.0,0.13141215366934858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328613783686388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001898984381453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328030039724005,0.1275740740211775,0.10308405902984157,0.15142972602673258,0.0,0.12307982721379235,0.24814885446177395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684170696309713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306654979247304,0.10415547669873644,0.0,0.0,0.12036952252115372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232524400773207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723449473236965
suicidewatch,LivingElectric,2018/03/19,"I’m going to jump off a bridge within the next month or so. 17m living in Dublin, Ireland, made the decsion tonight I’d rather not be alive anymore sadly, pity because my parents and step brother and sister will be devastated but for once I’m going to be selfish, no more being a people pleaser, I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression since last September, I’ve bad back problems, a shitty hairline and 0 self confidence, I’ve a huge exam in June called the Leaving Certificate, depending on how well I do it will have a huge influence on the direction of my life for the next 10 years (or would have if I was alive to do it), and I’m extremely far behind that I’m going to fail, I’m terrified of losing all my friends once school ends, I’m terrified of being alone for the rest of my life (I am incapable of talking to women like Raj from the Big Bang Theory), heres a link to the OffMyChest post of what has sent me over the edge (https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/85f7ik/i_thought_she_liked_me/?st=JEXLO35H&sh=46318d15), I’m in denial of the heartache my family will endure but fuck it, I’m not living just to keep other people happy, I’m making this post as a partial rant and in the hope that these issues are pertinent amongst other people feeling the same way, and perhaps they may realise they’re not alone. My nan died this month, greatest woman I ever met, and she’s gone, I started self harming today, right now there’s just lots of scrapes on my wrists but I’m not letting it get out of hand. I feel bad for my mates, it’s not their fault, but they’ll probably blame themselves. Anyhoo, if this is my last post and I end up on DeadRedditors, Hi everyone! Shoutouts to Bob Ross, The RHCP, and my doggie Gini (Named after Georginio Wijnaldum), best of luck to all I’m sorry for whatever reason you ended up on SuicideWatch ❤️.",13.093598484848485,7.9794560113636415,11.43806818181818,65.30314393939393,57.06818181818182,14.346969696969698,43.8219696969697,11.038039088145766,4.655527651515152,1484,51,271,23,12,465,205,352,0.226,0.639,0.135,-0.9898,1,2,0,0,0,3,58.0,0,1,3,3,11,20,1,0,20,0,21,6,2,6,3,48,47,21,1,6,16,3,3,1,2,6,3,0,0,4,14,11,0,1,4,0,0,7,6,13,1,0,5,3,23,7,44,30,8,49,0,6,0,1,20,20,1,9,19,164,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008762288716135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512272482676755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128159053697502,0.0,0.1053722682540521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170032618745174,0.17743000205936013,0.06476951692138057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115036860025312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849397219077027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915136801442782,0.0,0.11027158182458074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823200829132139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961099544628582,0.0,0.10152721685794938,0.0,0.0,0.10016382201619603,0.0,0.10744721950853507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208912406402227,0.09822717589142001,0.05551167088073434,0.0,0.1811543777160681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310597926316822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553104358056033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089825678730113,0.0,0.09444061546155336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732172074645301,0.0,0.11250428258985724,0.0,0.10864866758795097,0.15009620024616638,0.051908786307500114,0.0,0.18764285069922554,0.0,0.0,0.11886749560766458,0.0,0.0903306521087838,0.0,0.10053709994100583,0.07092325094222181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961679013278866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22599791620225426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630732259588665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797896756369487,0.0,0.0,0.22098283211967584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052767606037832,0.0,0.1145563603457905,0.1016676903294275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924354446343533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073762426576533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753150766942893,0.0,0.0,0.22168556647402105,0.0,0.0,0.08789178065797253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893910004568048,0.07520488102082726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540038867037379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071335880616428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433695955822341,0.0,0.0,0.09553225216027814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547753781151839,0.0,0.0,0.06842204792623129
suicidewatch,Flame12287,2018/03/19,"Life Can anyone please help me. I feel worthless, lonely, depressed, anxious, suicidal. I’m only 15, and I feel no one would care, let alone notice that I was dead. I have to go to jail (school) everyday and I am getting stressed from the homework. and I feel like the teachers don’t care about what I’m going through, and how hard it is to do homework when all I want is to be dead. I am pretty much not allowed to be happy, when I am actually happy, they tell us to stop talking and do your homework... I have nothing I feel proud about, and I can’t do anything of my own to feel self-confident in myself. I want to try to change the school system, but I am anxious that people will make fun of me. Yea... I need help",2.8006511056511063,3.850939040540542,4.0883538083538085,89.71512285012287,74.13513513513513,6.462899262899263,26.29238329238329,6.574015621080383,0.9112891891891892,550,19,120,4,11,181,88,148,0.174,0.643,0.183,0.5458,1,3,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,1,1,1,5,11,0,1,3,1,20,1,0,3,1,22,36,10,3,4,2,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,6,22,7,16,30,3,8,0,3,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,81,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.1342782241201567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425126041856876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108987629543345,0.0,0.09621345838858808,0.0,0.11323347472316395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28058572982392765,0.0,0.14556306781451542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851509598668962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478746978998289,0.09830181388179016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189057409164958,0.0,0.1564030531069636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929565496198881,0.12326300694984638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446140902321634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407058184930511,0.09719129179029093,0.06722464643632388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184939213299724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115218889085104,0.10202901599835544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203137633404635,0.15665906402924484,0.0,0.0,0.09324164967340123,0.10465136925553356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539485068893053,0.0,0.0,0.1510440117322265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998916137547535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785180736463396,0.0,0.0,0.14354731526538306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504016668941015,0.1576208905099208,0.0,0.0,0.15051259698044042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059805752116034,0.12026888875932168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342169689062813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655164409923577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232066215860633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774743649767197,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moseph19,2018/03/19,"I really don’t have anything to live for I’m 19 years old, I’ve never had a girlfriend, or a friend for that matter. I don’t have a diploma, I don’t have a job, I don’t have a license, i have horrible social anxiety and general anxiety, which makes me extremely depressed. 

My family is full of incredibly selfish people.

My parents have never done anything for me, I literally had to teach myself 8th grade math (don’t ask) 

Two of my sisters have basically tricked men into marrying them by getting pregnant on purpose, my brother is a tool who is in his mid 30s and just plays with action figures all day while threatening violence against people, and my other sister, who is supposedly close to me, won’t stop bitching to me about the most minuscule problems in her otherwise incredibly privileged life.

I have no one, and I have nothing. I don’t see any point in my existence.",8.641375739644973,7.1530271242603565,9.406146449704142,65.25111316568047,61.7810650887574,12.947041420118339,42.42677514792899,11.93303328291395,5.234792307692309,700,36,122,19,8,240,106,169,0.19,0.755,0.056,-0.9681,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,7,0,23,1,0,1,3,19,28,6,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,2,3,1,23,3,18,24,3,17,0,1,1,0,14,9,1,2,7,91,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307854146421778,0.0,0.29425129138964506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165288985052095,0.0,0.1797949154806635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403164648590577,0.0,0.1656464790143545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968119675516186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130387080319746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858734065923146,0.0,0.1004801993658239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084970440676194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358425704496459,0.0,0.0,0.16982366724592002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283762906300855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966608469710458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845379479050519,0.0,0.20180937037353988,0.0,0.13032222466936613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135505920411473,0.0,0.0,0.2666634322178857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180625884774454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402598284803395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232062656600653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325556951131009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604784891892746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078963104805988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787044689597476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384892955963445
suicidewatch,adasxd,2018/03/19,I always feels depressed I fake being happy and having fun. I can’t be happy and feel positive. I wanted to commit suicide. I ask parents if I could talk to someone about my depression and they said no. They always to forget about and try to be happy. When me and my family go some where and I don’t appear to be having fun they say I’m being rude. They say depression isn’t real and that it goes away. I don’t know what to do.,-0.35108058608058457,1.8785682417582448,2.5389285714285745,90.36648809523814,91.85714285714286,4.791575091575092,15.275641025641027,6.42735559955562,-0.23827545787545776,334,7,69,4,12,117,52,91,0.227,0.563,0.21,-0.2263,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,4,0,4,10,1,0,0,0,13,0,0,0,1,18,22,9,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,5,15,5,9,15,1,5,0,3,0,0,10,2,0,3,1,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857900982402531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054653894052412,0.0,0.16134816963143486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711428515634355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437383919730293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189394942652732,0.0,0.17366604399663446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759943618371177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484367504579161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437959300058027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906884204664468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546897946244496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335676455849218,0.2731368706211098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550823916528233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878472870192734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803193534459682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659497385406173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129217296552492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MivecEvo9,2018/03/19,"Anyone else not want to commit suicide but rather just die due to external causes? I think about this a lot. I feel like that’s a big reason why I engage in high risk behavior such as drug and alcohol abuse and motorcycle riding. 

I swear this shit would be a lot easier if a bus plowed into me and took me out. That way my family could still get life insurance and my legacy wouldn’t have the stigma of suicide around it.

I’m not necessarily asking for help. I honestly don’t know what I am asking for. Maybe just to not feel so alone? Maybe some mutual understanding and conversations about life to not make me feel so fucking alone?",4.542844444444448,5.823509880000002,5.6858666666666675,79.03537777777778,70.2,9.395555555555557,23.488888888888887,9.725611199111238,1.9601022222222213,505,12,99,12,9,168,87,125,0.262,0.623,0.115,-0.973,1,2,2,0,1,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,2,1,5,0,7,6,1,3,1,34,21,10,3,6,9,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,7,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,3,11,3,14,16,3,11,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,4,3,64,17,0,0.0,0.17405299783965197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699189307866993,0.0,0.30428910208488563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271620194168483,0.1505168587487637,0.0,0.13077253463192895,0.27466415908908953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090721554148395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728804644465228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524594621846817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703578704215272,0.0,0.12271646620017752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384846592592124,0.0,0.22283182613953104,0.10494570234795247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580708792360668,0.07674941582785254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846426714624648,0.15520837827183045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073263901465416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752024761826546,0.0717681338396918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977899856746025,0.0,0.0,0.09805718314843324,0.0,0.29516246971309495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103811662499506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079118871836905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731487964493803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32137047280371056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412786917020773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321179192397214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292853680939086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866456844647058,0.11660273013034635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325547965054967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435385646388703,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BetweenOceans,2018/03/19,I want to kill myself Please help 😪,-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,0.8049999999999997,103.54,91.5,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.39865,28,0,7,0,1,9,8,8,0.362,0.154,0.485,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731769410304668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159599856269904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.61114292206353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283848285186018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vincienzo420,2018/03/19,"How thick should the rope i use be to support my weight 6'3, 260lbs, also should i jump from a slight height?",2.2677272727272744,4.227049409090913,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,77.63636363636364,4.4,15.545454545454547,3.1291,-1.418981818181818,85,1,20,0,2,24,20,22,0.0,0.87,0.13,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,4,5,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922702109331033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566384742559899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236534549736824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5973235644785198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CheddarCheesepuff,2018/03/19,"I only have one person to live for A little while ago, I made a post on r/teenrelationships about my friend in a manipulative relationship... well.. now we're dating, but I don't know if it will last.

I'm so, so scared she will break up with me. Before I even fell in love with her I was in a bad place, and I thought if she ever cut me off, I'd have no reason to keep going, and that's still true. I can't tell her, because that would be manipulative...

But if she broke up with me, I'd have nothing to look forward to in the mornings. I'd have to go through school, stressing about seeing the people who hate me, worrying about how they feel about me. Even when she tells me she loves me, sometimes I don't know if I can believe her, and whenever I make a mistake, I get so, so scared she'll get mad and start typing paragraphs of how I'm hurting her and I don't want to hurt her...

I just.. couldn't go on if I didn't have someone as nice as her to rely on anymore.",3.372019230769233,3.3252287019230806,4.8894230769230775,88.50557692307693,72.07692307692308,7.553846153846152,25.615384615384606,7.010146845296331,0.8071230769230762,742,20,178,6,13,251,116,208,0.214,0.68,0.105,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,0,18,17,3,3,7,0,18,2,0,7,2,34,39,22,0,9,8,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,5,0,0,5,7,11,1,1,4,3,35,6,29,29,0,28,0,3,2,2,21,13,0,5,10,121,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239199369307226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863919251564585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672308388698427,0.08521780611155583,0.0,0.11895534861641187,0.15750122586674786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466671337153603,0.1264526872224159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068461179368135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800536102263388,0.0,0.14607435815169226,0.0,0.2383463606067357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380187366828538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993071292427037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425632365341888,0.0,0.0,0.1536554812665842,0.11395167898824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011143325464234,0.12344164993940007,0.0,0.117392690420539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523411030632746,0.132277520306201,0.09331432647447097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413718555991164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472878956066846,0.10632048628662603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691633264464801,0.12206370447333086,0.14605614393903354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388507964878474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373266365911513,0.0,0.15008763935903474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799186001948783,0.1414801222399074,0.11139860933213384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184479494261923,0.0,0.13826094578361411,0.0,0.098947703705351,0.0,0.11164056143576798,0.0,0.16013483480589724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24437418887124754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098170804828353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245478228254348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569259937320088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196872766260113,0.0,0.09930644057152713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunshyne_,2018/03/19,"Barely 21 and Nothing Left to Lose I just recently turned 21 in January. I honestly never thought I would last this long. I never thought I could make it to 18. From age 6-13 I was molested and raped. I felt as though I had no self worth. I found out around 15, I have bipolar disorder and anxiety though.

I was always depressed when I was younger. Always trying to off myself. Over the years I’ve tried over 30 times. I hated myself, I seen no reason to live. When I was 18, I met this older guy in his 50s. He is a Dom, he practically took me in and molded me. This man, he enjoys girls like me. He takes them, drugs them up and exploits them.  Recently because of this man, I am now facing up to 40 years in prison because of a sex charge.

I haven’t lived my life but I’ve pretty much lost it already. I’m in school to be a teacher, but that dream is killed. I’m out on bond. I can’t be around the children in my family and I have nothing anymore.

He would drug me up and force me to watch illegal things and do things with other men. I remember one night I was whored out to over 30 men. I feel so worthless and degraded and used. He eventually left me for a skinnier girl who has a young daughter. He’s going to ruin them and they don’t even know it.

I’m scared to tell the truth because I am so afraid of him and I hat he could do to my family or me. I’ve lost everything. My fiancée was the only thing keeping me together but I’ve lost him too tonight.

I don’t think I can keep up the facade of having it together anymore. I don’t want to live like this. I hate myself. I hate my life and I don’t know how to fix things.

I’m not killing myself over these men. I’m just tired of being used. I just hope he gets the prison time I’m facing after I’m gone.",0.3248046398046398,2.2548941137566167,2.4873544973544988,94.4925457875458,84.05291005291005,5.675864875864876,19.745217745217744,6.900799576094004,0.1773527879527883,1357,38,317,17,39,458,183,378,0.208,0.7120000000000001,0.08,-0.9952,0,0,2,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,5,4,15,24,7,2,11,0,31,11,2,5,3,52,67,25,2,6,8,1,2,2,0,2,6,0,0,10,17,19,0,2,10,1,1,3,11,18,0,1,18,4,57,6,44,42,1,45,0,7,2,3,31,23,0,2,21,197,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970136523195986,0.0,0.14630051895808904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725283746144589,0.0,0.17437119483064129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652156334485307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077196934237378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038198802868854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571892498144682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075536473590738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390122651921888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806539058644682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901010468303414,0.0,0.1657522003954408,0.0,0.04445121177842009,0.0,0.08440980608635798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639154096313488,0.0,0.0,0.04593066344164386,0.0,0.049962711275217904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704721676024131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038623986167075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873169689984307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628137489522936,0.1945243569477996,0.0,0.09662884417661267,0.07166043763524964,0.0,0.0,0.1910344212368888,0.0,0.12419042604910785,0.08589923364679163,0.0,0.23288509837544485,0.07779981408818319,0.0,0.09835162315032264,0.2879007028974294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058682290003722326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462581782151773,0.0,0.13560711069980858,0.0,0.0,0.08249994501659412,0.0,0.16870886863151371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059571799001534274,0.06686143323678688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943863834524281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038871275740508,0.17360601605410145,0.0,0.09958774806578692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801576936080534,0.08897216404723991,0.0,0.0,0.09171193176174246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660992744755377,0.0,0.07683941771090336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362068875080305,0.05633079330575101,0.172747209828803,0.139585442511436,0.10252499521147093,0.10104250971946466,0.0,0.0,0.09767404486024901,0.11937366121351138,0.095623577454725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518563825421221,0.0,0.0,0.05185308225336397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249010642851304,0.0,0.0,0.11322556159549645
suicidewatch,Deathwish57,2018/03/19,"My friend might have killed herself? Help guys I’m fucking terrified. My friend who I’ve been great friends with for a month might be dead and I have no way of knowing. We were talking on the phone last night and she said she didn’t care for living anymore but it was in a nonchalant way so it wasn’t weird bc that was fairly normal but after about two hours she said she’d be right back and hung up. She then blocked my number snap insta etc. I freaked out bc I knew that something wasn’t right but I hadn’t thought about her killing herself yet. After about an hour of trying to get in touch I went to bed.  I dmd her again today on a second account and she hasn’t answered, I had my friend try talking to her too but her phone is off so it’s gone straight to voice mail. She’s out of state so I have no real way of finding out what happened. What the fuck do I do? ",0.5328918918918895,2.6447794108108127,1.6034459459459462,100.0419256756757,84.62162162162161,4.348648648648648,20.06081081081081,5.341637118332708,-0.4405621621621623,681,20,160,3,20,213,109,185,0.16,0.732,0.108,-0.9232,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,0,0,10,12,4,0,6,0,21,2,0,0,0,23,34,12,3,1,4,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,1,1,8,9,0,1,5,0,1,2,7,6,0,2,15,4,27,6,25,14,1,30,0,0,0,2,28,12,2,2,12,107,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726103445768133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867176818361097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083292539185795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311305340739855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728406767681022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39656532099794417,0.23726341328555414,0.0670429969650476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147555985632965,0.0,0.12705904621838032,0.11347480249387455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601159360298087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527428249376213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839387654186344,0.0,0.07052246605472551,0.10459963220426928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331075853372548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722589228680513,0.0,0.0,0.1024254698667362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204215909136922,0.12572840516407052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605863439999536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191727314904725,0.24412739061748698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878861595776964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628087418744315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187340762613747,0.0,0.0,0.12163433925972472,0.0,0.0,0.17424455487372398,0.0,0.12535203831764105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055683120681731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895586523238474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oobloob24,2018/03/19,"I think I’m done I didn’t even want to post on here because it seems like too much of a cry for help. I don’t want help, but I guess someone should probably know. I won’t eat anymore, I can’t sleep. I’ve known for years how my life would inevitably end. I’m looking forward to not having to see the sun come through my blinds in the morning. There are a few things that almost make me want to stay but the pain is too great. I’m glad I’m finally free",0.14920000000000044,1.9375435200000024,1.644000000000002,101.087,83.8,4.800000000000002,20.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.4292999999999996,352,10,89,2,10,113,71,100,0.064,0.7070000000000001,0.229,0.93,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,10,5,1,2,0,17,25,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,2,3,9,5,10,20,2,9,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,3,5,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885266210735787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671464839321505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147685038858306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217914877337036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680730301969585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926670185683627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926486541400436,0.0,0.0,0.1667525870861092,0.0,0.0,0.12435149048205035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062421267010955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756989385931732,0.2074021836995587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523887146722991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346904305268076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298166452368668,0.09197990082699682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581005667883623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567262793141462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384011489212811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033405405046376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803119674755701,0.0,0.20298842283247692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002793795553288,0.17139522041835076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840737706827748,0.0,0.15952175448160488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006722724403615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250791588595049,0.1206367172744284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331420661690619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337426076857875,0.0,0.0,0.12124061513118944
suicidewatch,disposable-xo,2018/03/19,"An end. I’ve been wanting to end my life for quite some time now, but i don’t want to be selfish and hurt the few people i’m close to. For them, i will not do it. Or at least i’ll tell myself that until i find a way that’s too easy. ",0.3728571428571428,0.5653505714285743,2.7235714285714288,100.47142857142859,79.0,5.6000000000000005,17.571428571428573,3.1291,-1.0490214285714288,176,2,51,0,4,61,45,56,0.153,0.754,0.093,-0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,7,5,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504641351620841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28401966706907544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326640640586267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949175791990885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543476877948295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305206394814788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27160900252068204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120069433369695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665765402191644,0.24665870929037745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreyjoyKilljoy,2018/03/19,"Seeking help for a friend So I don't follow this sub, and I have scanned through the sidebar for talking tips. But I wanted to get a real answer from someone who may be able to help.  
  
My roommate seems to be very close to the edge and I want to help him before it's too late. A bit of context: he's in his late 40s, has been homeless for a short time, deals with alcoholism, and was married for about 20 years but has been divorced for about 5. I've only known him for about 2 years. After his divorce, he basically swore off all women as bloodsuckers, and has told me several times that as long as he has the internet, he doesn't need women. I think he doesn't want to be emotionally attached or vulnerable with another person. Well around December he got involved with a coworker. I thought she was a bit crazy, but oh well, at least he found someone he cared for. He posted on facebook all the time about how happy they are. He even told me seriously in February or so that he was considering an engagement. I questioned this, based on what he's told me about his feelings about women, marriage, etc., and he basically told me that she's different.  
  
Well about a week ago, she essentially told him that she's interested in another guy and broke off the relationship with my roommate. It was really nasty, and he's been feeling really down since then. He skipped work or left early from work every day this past week. He does have a history of depression, too. He still posts regularly on facebook, but the posts this past week have been really sad and dark, all alluding to the root of his sadness being the breakup. I took him to a soccer game today because he loves soccer and I thought it would help. He left halfway through. A later facebook post said: ""Left after crying my eyes out before halftime. I won't be at work tomorrow and probably never again.""  A post from earlier in the day said: ""I will never love again. Finished...broken. Surrendered. All I have to look forward to is death. I'm fucking done.""  
  
I want to be able to talk him through this and/or help him find the resources he needs. But I feel like the clock is ticking. I know everyone deals with breakups, and they suck. I feel like his depression is taking over, and he's down on himself for allowing himself to try to love again. I want to help him to see that life can be good, or at the very least get him through this tough time. I know time can help, but getting him out of his destructive head space he's in would be a start.  
  
Anyway, thank you for reading, and please comment or message me if you can offer advice.",3.999570791527312,5.565980318181822,4.674743083003953,84.65574896118375,71.90513833992094,7.956542008715923,28.389378737204822,8.5409612609427,2.0147871288132158,2035,78,405,35,39,652,233,506,0.119,0.747,0.134,-0.1582,1,0,1,0,2,0,69.0,0,2,2,3,22,25,3,0,25,0,40,8,2,3,6,69,83,32,1,10,12,0,4,2,1,5,2,2,0,5,16,22,1,0,15,4,0,3,6,10,3,0,21,10,51,15,73,49,9,67,0,5,4,4,85,27,2,9,36,254,67,4,0.13113514392188114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407187246967046,0.05812169642246135,0.07007179405431091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375066322859224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836904017774267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039969383291188994,0.0,0.11158634891779123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431656134581899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685050946377909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202289898310517,0.08457131928983114,0.1351945752586127,0.11294650730570753,0.0,0.0,0.06850415735286902,0.0,0.0,0.05737862407508933,0.06709839069079528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375469330214249,0.0,0.0,0.07312517474134997,0.04330676289770248,0.0,0.055243507283282735,0.06265262484524563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261173787422528,0.09368297301983257,0.0,0.0,0.059927572915579264,0.0,0.0,0.07189145836571736,0.05065734344962808,0.060616163736110826,0.10276905044357308,0.0,0.0,0.05499496852845565,0.05244037700885342,0.0,0.0,0.0649222047603101,0.0,0.06979789957646769,0.0,0.0,0.06729124507689373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076399296622345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206844561917683,0.0,0.14792615418870522,0.0,0.2137180763510648,0.0,0.0463123151394828,0.06406600742825709,0.0,0.0,0.05802523789427,0.055060246832218655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753188087101726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723504761069963,0.10113950721774467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049867093064245235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251833331242591,0.0,0.05725107477714565,0.0,0.0719735044407899,0.0,0.0,0.3139780469382437,0.0,0.07069293230428604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345068644003049,0.0,0.06558531547709882,0.07463025145986057,0.12601279665543874,0.0,0.0,0.0703950343072436,0.0,0.0,0.12473955151550592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052248865790710634,0.05969025496745766,0.0,0.07407269324850589,0.0,0.054238173082683167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111038189538333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640906490839456,0.0,0.05236234766509265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929865412961541,0.10540146137344164,0.0,0.06036581098052096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04201305261005262,0.0,0.10410665633625506,0.19116489245435345,0.0,0.062150391604014185,0.3132631242262281,0.07284798499245229,0.04451607739301824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820022731882692,0.1933672636988724,0.0,0.15778305375628227,0.0,0.17685936462516172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320191988073355,0.0,0.0,0.09315464379101893,0.0,0.0,0.08444673325111315
suicidewatch,juanchope2,2018/03/19,"Carbon Monoxide Suicide I’ve been wanting to kill my self since i was 12 never had the balls tho, i used to pray and wish a lot for god to kill me before i made it to 25, today i’m 24 and things did got worse with time, i got nothing and no one, everyone has walked away from me everyone i ever help, everyone i ever supported, everyone who ever said that love me, they just left, i got no skills, no talent, no one who really loves me, i wish i knew why they all left me, why everyone avoids me like the plague.

I give up, i walked as far as i could i try but i guess some of us are just made to be numbers in a chart, i check the price for a garage exhaust hose and some thermal industrial duct tape, and i decided to buy it but i was wondering if its possible to die with a newer car i drive a nissan altima 2015 if it helps, i also though about hyperventilating and blocking the carotid veins with a belt, if someone could answer me would be nice, thank you for the time and sorry for the trouble.",7.646422115895799,4.7283778421052665,8.259011164274321,77.21085592769805,64.83732057416267,11.776927166400853,33.748538011695906,9.994966539143718,2.8698608187134504,775,22,173,13,9,262,124,209,0.13,0.7090000000000001,0.161,-0.0329,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,1,2,1,9,12,2,1,12,0,12,4,1,3,5,41,31,17,4,9,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,10,0,2,4,1,3,4,5,5,0,2,12,1,31,7,22,14,4,18,1,0,0,2,13,6,0,8,9,116,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243129681983387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684500665716096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771163427676511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645985063120405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697850509675626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27971937329356383,0.0,0.492476379969573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888163918430608,0.0,0.0,0.2473222511971375,0.0,0.11355184176412958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818178227591116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280806750533744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398870988599429,0.0,0.0,0.05035861704965113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763307796187576,0.18606351712904634,0.19506945453202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949997068683247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989059500021701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969639939804535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620475630617225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603429207741238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805061307666203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753264853244304,0.0,0.0,0.08526703933602202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873375038763879,0.0,0.0,0.11538718235385036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275040679709615,0.1169714906048779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490020933375283,0.0,0.0,0.0684803245629238,0.0,0.10127343652371856,0.0,0.12021101359533776,0.0,0.09770572245436863,0.0,0.0,0.06998307476856687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398992793886272,0.08902614249655398,0.0,0.0,0.06079796992784345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860234028162215,0.0,0.23706881595489315,0.0,0.11178350069235164,0.0,0.0,0.10504510655729338,0.07322352713054349,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nutellatoast123,2018/03/19,"I feel like I’m a burden to all. My negativity and low self worth have become my identity. I am no longer happy with my life. Everyone around me makes me feel like I don’t have a right to feel the way I do because I have a family who loves me and I have an internship that people would kill for. Sure my life seems like it’s on cruise control but I feel so empty. 

I always found comfort venting about my loneliness to my dad and my girlfriend. But lately, I haven’t been able to do that. My dad lost his job and it seems as if nothing is going right for him as well. So I feel like I’d add onto his stress by talking about my frustrations and my life. I can feel my girlfriend slowly getting tired of my repetitive feelings and just recently she said she can’t do this everyday. I don’t want to make my problems her problems. I can feel my negativity and sadness affecting her life. 

I feel the need to pretend like everything is okay when I’m broken inside. I just feel like a burden to all. It keeps echoing in my head that I’m making everyone around me suffer. At this point, I wouldn’t mind disappearing. ",2.989344101811064,4.465887114537447,4.507187958883996,85.21005261869801,74.33039647577094,7.687616250611845,25.38644150758688,8.344100000000001,1.547410376896721,873,29,182,15,18,292,118,227,0.245,0.629,0.125,-0.9883,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,23,2,1,7,1,19,7,1,5,3,45,46,15,1,7,5,2,10,6,2,2,5,1,0,1,9,11,0,2,13,2,1,3,8,11,1,0,4,11,42,12,22,40,2,19,0,4,0,1,16,10,0,3,11,120,51,1,0.09959008645786008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286692992842715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731258254390034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060709192342948526,0.10998942609699257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169875027942586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032519089976,0.08950514810247949,0.0,0.09388467022175363,0.0,0.5035574006037862,0.2845887106581417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919538942952696,0.0,0.0,0.05203170974499717,0.0,0.056599341188444924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060154989045249,0.0,0.0,0.10220816044640313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882779380699253,0.08852024473181255,0.11018167516674003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123419553633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813736931757868,0.2919281145224141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871434379614513,0.0,0.0898839412847943,0.0,0.1994314681209501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055759738008116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384478720709978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555937391580173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904322638856653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414482206339224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058852561042025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983331957395849,0.0,0.0,0.17009877936804982,0.09473297812174863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132614873834488,0.10389417996634936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408010755769993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938624778862721,0.0,0.0,0.08004673908940088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446415408976025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058740813283012665,0.07904997509329152,0.0,0.0,0.08954344801418299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074594004049231,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CMVButTrans,2018/03/20,"I know suicide is right for me because I'm trans. I have no value. The majority of my life was taken up living with the wrong body. I've tried my hardest to transition and it doesn't matter how much effort I put in, the Healthcare I need is always out of reach.

My partner is ruined because of my constant suicide talk. It's every waking hour thinking about killing myself to end my shame and humiliation, end my physical agony from real dysphoria. More than a year has gone by waiting for the surgery that was going to save my life. The dates over 30 days away... I've been waiting too long, I'm finished. So much lost time, no more youth, age 25 around the corner, making less than minimum wage working for Uber.

My partner knows I'm going to do it. It's too late for me. A shotgun is going to be my method if I don't crash my car first. All the so called professional help has made me infinitely worse. Been locked up and degraded over a dozen times. Don't be trans.",2.68637104072398,4.566287543589745,3.9512217194570174,87.16466063348417,76.12820512820512,6.434389140271492,24.803921568627448,7.285733465282438,1.066061840120664,761,26,155,9,17,249,121,195,0.203,0.742,0.056,-0.9852,1,0,1,1,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,4,7,7,1,1,10,0,17,4,2,3,1,20,34,7,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,3,0,1,6,5,6,0,3,8,0,19,1,26,24,7,32,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,1,16,97,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689678478154198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576221929282584,0.0,0.0,0.14328392818846866,0.0,0.0,0.18593186260570324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939921967713156,0.0,0.0,0.15572515659957242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480425630582013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835342469523613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701491965259283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849245297608566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972109203114038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600171536620417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222121538319016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018718792584454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687247293049192,0.0,0.1676260580686178,0.0,0.17203283558335222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543827566047466,0.0,0.0,0.13466514185021666,0.13496255973255114,0.0,0.0,0.16647775776514562,0.0,0.0,0.14430438222734632,0.10179859891301717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421816556310573,0.11308088857100927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533101399198826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735846355142886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023885532934276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336325072066313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122578136193355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771936019914143,0.0,0.0,0.1778543554695889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035412171021428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110258131753852,0.0,0.15541612339176125,0.0,0.16674081278797273,0.0,0.09820853558058087
suicidewatch,greeneyedbeaut,2018/03/20,"I fell for the trap.. Please check my past posts on my profile to see my background with this guy. Long story short, we were seeing each other since November and then he brought up having me donate my eggs to him for a large sum of money. He cut me off emotionally and only wanted to focus on the egg donation and said I could see other people and there would be no romantic future together. I was crushed and confused.

He had not seen me since the start of February. We ""broke up"" soon after that last date in February. We have kept in touch for the egg donation, but never met up again. On Saturday, he emails me saying he ""wants"" me. We were supposed to make plans to meet this Thursday. I thought that was out of character since he wasn't a sexual person naturally. He told me to text him on his 2nd phone instead of email, which was a red flag too. He has 1 phone for work and a burner phone. I was downgraded to the burner phone. Ouch.

In my gut, I knew he was going to cancel. Today, I get an email from the personal assistant saying his schedule has changed and can't see me. He couldn't even text me himself to cancel the plans, which is a triple red flag. I sent him a text asking if his schedule actually changed or if he no longer ""wants"" me. All the red flags say he doesn't want me anymore and it was just the surge of testosterone talking, but I want directness.

It has been 3 hours since the first text and 1 hour to his email on his work phone.

I have been staring at my computer screen and phone for hours in a panic even though I should get some dignity and take the hint.. It just hurts because I knew what I was setting myself up for. I lost my identity with him.

While I don't want to do the egg donation, I need the money. If I had a normal and productive life without mental illness, I would have never agreed to the egg donation and would have told him to kick rocks. Now I am banking everything on the egg donation and I shouldn't. My future lies in his hands and it is beyond pathetic. He controls my emotions and I fell for the trap. I'm trying to keep my cool and not spam him with emails. 

I had been thinking about suicide before this and having the egg donation not go through and having him ignore me is setting me off. I am aware this sounds so petty, but my life is not normal. I want to go back to a psych ward, but I don't think I can afford it. 

When I was a teenager, I tried overdosing on pills and ended up in a psychiatric ward, so I have a suicidal past. I have no hobbies or interests anymore, so I just fixate on him and how my future is not bright. I don't have friends to turn to either. 

I really need someone to distract me and tell me I don't need this to have a successful life. I need to see a therapist, but I am too ashamed of my life to talk about it to them. 
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suicidewatch,throwawayyeah1232334,2018/03/20,"I have contemplated posting but here it goes: I’m a 22 year old male and I feel like a failure. I can’t seem to hold a job for very long because I either lose interest or I don’t like the work. The area I’m in is rural so any job I do get I have to drive 30 minutes up to an hour for awful pay. I lost my last job after not caring after a few months. I have one credit left for my associate’s degree and it’s college algebra, but I’m awful at algebra and always end up failing to where I have to take a W. 

On top of all that I still live with my parents and literally never leave the house because there is nothing to do where I live. I don’t have any friends, no opportunities around me, and nowhere to go...",1.1757692307692302,2.4638332435897468,3.764358974358977,89.4473076923077,78.74358974358975,6.594871794871796,23.538461538461537,7.321109707123232,0.7921692307692307,550,18,129,7,13,194,95,156,0.185,0.6679999999999999,0.147,-0.8111,4,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,6,7,10,0,0,9,2,12,0,0,0,2,17,22,9,0,0,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,6,3,0,1,1,1,17,7,20,21,3,25,0,3,0,0,3,11,0,2,13,82,20,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230236847013033,0.0,0.0,0.2162535710217016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154545516755074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938522385665324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621130955968927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082854267038078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039616867438552,0.11359103231063618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284452021691357,0.0,0.08307196176760964,0.0,0.0903644783214234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658490253054894,0.18346691433947096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733547340043575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960781947008113,0.0,0.16836011803853915,0.1727560952548728,0.0,0.0,0.1553606527464923,0.0,0.28080328824440426,0.14071173149223254,0.0,0.17788252260946522,0.17356942248649584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691384785848558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122632114053645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256666935173044,0.0,0.1668458104763496,0.0,0.10774384339931636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655286045865948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227992590304418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474941309138892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697917100105569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954968621507203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311932693979422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575532090677745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239204944130208
suicidewatch,Awkwardly-Geeky,2018/03/20,"From suicidal to... less suicidal Today was a pretty nerve-wracking day. I’d be seeing a psychologist for the first time. 

I’ve been battling severe depression and anxiety for a few years now, and it’s been on and off. Just in the past few months it’s gotten to the point where I have taken to self harm by scratching my arms and fantasizing about suicide everyday (which I had already made notes and plans for).

At first, I had a weight in my stomach. I was an anxious, sweaty, nauseous mess. My mind was filled with bad thoughts and “what if’s” including the stress from today. The psychologist had greeted me with a warm smile and took me back to the room.

When I had finished with my appointment, I felt this weight in my stomach disappear and be lifted off me. It’s been the best I’ve felt in months, all because I just told this complete stranger about my struggles. And in a way, I felt so much better talking about my depression to a stranger than my own family and friends. 

It’s truly a step in the right direction, and if you are completely lost, feel like nobody understands what you are going through, or have no one to talk to, I suggest trying out a therapist or psychologist. They might be able to do you good, and help you relieve the weight in your stomach too. 

Thank you for reading~! ",5.2051816264354365,6.2300460637450215,5.3530958518865726,82.98109444574645,68.44223107569721,8.77440824935552,31.099367236934608,9.007467420416297,2.4813082259198502,1026,41,201,18,17,323,139,251,0.181,0.6890000000000001,0.129,-0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,6,1,6,11,17,1,2,19,0,19,7,4,1,1,32,34,18,3,2,6,0,9,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,9,16,3,0,6,1,0,5,1,9,0,3,20,10,27,8,35,10,7,37,0,3,1,0,14,16,0,5,16,144,36,1,0.10751446445855127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118644885046533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224827103076154,0.12146074206255257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267198669679521,0.0897700869407097,0.06553981962075248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282979733391453,0.09508780674330868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545374087300826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933793512604021,0.0,0.18520410139132432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135506854922388,0.0,0.05436254367844591,0.07680835489159481,0.30969223919919064,0.0,0.0,0.18290349708930814,0.0,0.0,0.0830654085395163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110294782360042,0.09017803179861676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206467921892233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052526136569079535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736473847877528,0.0,0.0,0.1017327858616772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405585642058992,0.1085589601745422,0.0,0.17163403956598544,0.0,0.0790355021498677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285458361332464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263472184091893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163592065937352,0.0,0.0,0.10938086250203012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754355939954592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918167651985494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856751082288268,0.0,0.11216103446369488,0.12146074206255257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315745578381315,0.11239746214502028,0.0,0.3528101214418421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728321079125056,0.0,0.0989848738495782,0.0,0.1248325799130022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535447529787056,0.06269254883420125,0.0,0.2038222819406952,0.10273467822129917,0.11945252598363465,0.07299526393255695,0.0,0.0,0.11192634920259012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853399775008055,0.0,0.3927709594354566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923579011112524
suicidewatch,JoeTheFlyingCow,2018/03/20,"I tried to kill myself last night I guess I'll tell you fellas a little backstory of my mental illnesses. I have had general anxiety disorder (GAD) for as long as i can remember as wel as OCD, and I was diagnosed with clinical depression about a year ago, my biggest worry is that I am just an annoyance for everyone around me and a burden to society. I have been holding on by a thread for so long and yesterday I was trying to start a conversation with my friend (the only friend that i can talk about depression with) and she just brushed me off and she never seems to want to talk to me anymore, and I just feel like utter shit about it because I feel like its completly my fault, that maybe im annoying her but shes too kind to tell me that, or if she is just being friends with me because she feels bad for me. She also sufferes from anxiety disorders and depression aswel as OCD and I care so much for her and im constantly worried about her. I ask how shes feeling pretty often and she usually just responds with one word answers and never asks me how im doing (which makes it sound like i just want attention from her) but that just makes me feel as if Im just pestering her, and just to clarify im not blaming her at all, i just feel bad if i am annoying her. So last night I was extremely depressed and i just didn't want to hurt annyone or burden annyone by accident, and also I remembered that it was Chester Bennington's birthday the next day (today) and Chester is a huge inspiration for me and Linkin park is my fabourite band and has helped me through so many hard times. So that was just the last straw and I tried overdosing on my clonazepam and anti depressants, but sadly I guess it wasn't enough to be fatal. I told my friend that I tried to end my life last night and im just so anxious for her response and, im not sure if it was a good idea to tell her, I don't want her to feel sad because of me. Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you all have a great day or night",4.814673123486685,4.859832869249399,5.8527999999999984,82.52482711864407,68.97578692493947,9.997830508474577,30.805714285714288,9.888512548439397,2.703657317191284,1577,59,338,35,25,525,180,413,0.195,0.6659999999999999,0.139,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,3,0,0,31,35,5,0,12,0,28,5,1,4,5,87,51,49,2,9,25,0,8,3,4,0,4,1,0,0,16,28,0,1,14,2,0,0,7,20,0,1,11,10,66,15,48,38,5,32,0,9,0,0,37,8,1,12,27,236,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837311049516039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532235254802792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075196676249636,0.07439310573870632,0.06530668998161197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862152417277192,0.12312395478724565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996599323448474,0.1204268304724676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671396813200878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904372433075895,0.07116174695089017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493714515392224,0.0,0.28358768570159115,0.06683757603704285,0.0,0.0,0.1509423474486825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832461246173985,0.06804188682463605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062923638125091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330743970433695,0.0940882127020723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350587739787132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552328574729764,0.0,0.07260117416839554,0.14508502925653274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898973558178944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044138667442013925,0.0,0.0,0.06540509434546225,0.0,0.0,0.07049506544310552,0.07433798290675077,0.4979141296054764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285458980424453,0.06857388538740841,0.0,0.21471004951877584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651264597085955,0.0965147017581248,0.06600019639762124,0.0,0.1165524694424173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879123670490719,0.06676277524587516,0.06615637565595006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663625154676454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681640946205976,0.0,0.10157700125156577,0.0,0.07003349218186433,0.24718753979665814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044622473486159255,0.05008280061809597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699433851403408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586901454798445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919313239129922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059948454074254774,0.0,0.0,0.06759530462091876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660981424533691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206397129164881,0.0,0.0,0.10585739112607163,0.17267053892774298,0.060626932305681176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03839836094571057,0.0,0.06241923239901492,0.062923638125091,0.0,0.1788345533197169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252578711232573,0.0,0.15536296212687994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375016856794045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240601009984949
suicidewatch,throwaway9267324,2018/03/20,"Im lost, stuggling with school and am missing motivation to go on Im in a hard place, mostly my fault for not being smart enough to keep up in one of my classes. I am put down by my parents, am accused of skipping class(I never dream of it for fear of the consequences) I feel like I cant do anything to change it. It feels like if I left I would be a burdon of everyones shoulders. I dont feel like anyone cares. I dont know what to do. Im going to fail my class and lose my french credits and all my work. I hurt, I want it to end. I feel useless and forgotten. I have no reason to continue. I dont want to die but it feels like its my only option. ",0.5385314685314704,2.0683628531468585,2.9755244755244767,93.32174825174828,81.30769230769229,5.798601398601399,22.188811188811187,6.67199483983844,0.3707734265734271,500,16,119,5,13,173,84,143,0.173,0.6970000000000001,0.13,-0.4453,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,5,0,15,0,1,3,0,13,1,1,2,2,24,27,6,1,4,3,1,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,8,1,1,3,7,8,0,1,1,6,19,7,22,23,3,13,0,6,0,0,1,7,0,3,7,77,26,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535751631962085,0.0,0.10045713280124904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446336205777303,0.0,0.1291389182408321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266943362927086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292121575675293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812201093264487,0.1261358682144191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166476724341004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736805305401395,0.30862335374371913,0.348840955234116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875580798787335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935501439760116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306835641906227,0.0,0.3955850934411293,0.0,0.0,0.10850566299130812,0.0,0.0,0.06708910008307856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326345928576944,0.0,0.0,0.2385582620715714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657044012252045,0.13325903002193598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415158692251566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272102226615027,0.09284336213154347,0.0,0.0,0.13554958353421762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754215050062534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271885933898692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551319325477134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354618270013558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400572228945346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887188516811034,0.0,0.0,0.0867184128477473,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bryannomore,2018/03/20,"I’m gonna die? I’m just about to overdose massively on trazadone, celexa, prazosin, and vistoril. Any thoughts?",2.862833333333332,5.92644095,2.3500000000000014,90.08833333333334,89.5,6.666666666666668,36.66666666666666,7.793537801064563,3.449666666666668,89,6,16,2,3,26,18,20,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616563412972359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7045621112731915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5389486560873059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tempforpurpose556,2018/03/20,"Suicidal as a result of injustice and dismissal of my feelings. I suffered a traumatic incident long ago, but time has moved on so much and I never really recovered from it, I'm still in exactly the same place as I was then yet at the same time I'm a completely different person. The memories fade but the effect on my character and the way I am hasn't.

My family won't validate my feelings or accept that what happened was partly their fault and because of that refuse to talk about it or help me pursue legal action, if I do kill myself it will be partly as a protest that I'm not going to live my life just because that's the law, if the law refuses to accept that what happened to me is wrong.",8.778967136150236,5.888729619718312,9.511830985915497,69.02037558685447,62.661971830985905,13.410328638497653,38.455399061032864,11.855464076750405,4.4438976525821605,554,21,107,14,6,191,87,142,0.198,0.7240000000000001,0.078,-0.9573,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,0,11,0,10,1,0,2,2,26,18,15,2,2,8,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,2,2,14,2,16,13,5,18,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,4,9,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662023857179813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285895721414221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658420812744185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589163917188815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767529410982348,0.0,0.1896055050484231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065573324766506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316011836071439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567347823418648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743466526379914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243277017169802,0.0,0.0,0.1655609034756193,0.16592655692262542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927677037119745,0.13782988513673053,0.0,0.14460716414528133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060761151578167,0.0,0.0,0.1637127922715439,0.19589163917188815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011365074927532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149733191551676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508833452759284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070081756644815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186588702469905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488242495657615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499558558472972,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kazzmania94,2018/03/20,I want to commit suicide I f’d up my life and now I need to end it,-3.3270588235294127,-1.9879810588235287,0.9132352941176478,103.65455882352943,94.88235294117649,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.5761529411764703,50,1,15,0,2,19,14,17,0.237,0.579,0.184,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819336784444668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843319247363392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034621556652664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951849700626808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32093931134541354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herpderpingtonviii,2018/03/20,"I don't even know what to do at this point I've never been clinically diagnosed with depression, but I feel I can say fairly confidently I'm depressed.  I've felt like this for a few years to varying degrees.  Over the past 2 years, I began and subsequently ruined my first relationship singlehandedly, and managed to lose all of my close friends.  I'd been able to relatively cope with it, but since two weeks ago, I feel like I've lost all control.  My AP global history teacher (I'm in high school) called me out in front of an entire study hall and told me to my face that the essay I gave him was the worst he'd ever seen, and then proceeded to chew me out for every little error I made in it.  This knocked me down for the entire day.  I got home and got into a conversation with my father about something school related, and after a little bit, I corrected him when he said that school ended at 4:00pm.  He lashed out and called me a smartass, said that I was like talking to a brick wall.  He's done things like this before, often refusing to speak to me once for up to two months.  I went to go tell my mom about the situation, throwing an insult to my dad in the process.  After that she told me that she was sorry I felt that way, and then dismissed me.  I went back up to my room to try to recover from an awful day, but I overheard my mom say something.  She quietly told my dad that of all three of her children, one that has a learning disability, the other that flunked out of high school and had a child with a criminal, that I have been the hardest to raise.  That made me realize that I'm a complete pile of trash.  Almost immediately, I walked to the other end of my room to grab my x-acto knives, and cut myself for the first time.  I'd had thoughts of self harm for a week or two leading up to this, but I hadn't gone through with it until then.  Since then, I've lost almost all motivation I have for schoolwork, video games, or doing anything other than lying in bed all day.  Almost everyday I think to myself, I'm just a burden to everyone, I'd be better off with a noose round my neck.  Today I feel like I've gotten even worse.  I tried to talk to whatever shells of friends I have left about suicide, and mostly the response is, ""wow aren't you fucking edgy"" or ""do it, no balls"".  Now I feel like I'm having a fucking mental breakdown, because I'm even questioning why I want to die, because my brain doesn't feel like I have reasons to, which in itself is a reason.  I don't have the courage as of yet to do anything beyond cutting myself though, which had originally acted as a phenomenal release of emotion but even now it doesn't feel like it does much.  Somebody please just fucking help me     
     
edit: I even get ignored in a subreddit dedicated to helping people.  Maybe hanging myself isn't the worst idea in the world, especially now that I realize nobody is willing to help.",6.661398963730569,5.687976340241796,7.201594127806565,77.80612176165806,65.39032815198618,9.930708117443867,32.77150259067358,9.029198982220553,2.582011813471502,2267,78,458,32,30,749,271,579,0.165,0.726,0.109,-0.9905,0,0,2,0,0,5,65.0,0,1,0,9,20,31,6,0,33,1,35,9,3,8,8,73,76,28,2,1,10,5,10,8,2,1,2,6,4,3,32,23,1,3,19,3,0,10,9,18,0,7,32,17,64,13,85,41,11,81,0,7,2,3,44,35,3,9,43,306,96,9,0.06636815593628473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883136581213098,0.0,0.19937436392978025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923067480438106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103301525322311,0.0,0.08091482370361397,0.0,0.0564744124561175,0.0,0.0,0.058697240574659075,0.07245683708073905,0.0,0.0,0.07408881129188233,0.1355386152312506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958574879218704,0.0,0.07443753028138854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840591023505826,0.0,0.11432559091542095,0.06736228123662168,0.06887966768136587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807922050695319,0.06791766605439166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465524251874749,0.11756497409442912,0.0,0.0,0.21917770531465,0.06003379669300441,0.05591803381141392,0.0634176171419595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134640268808368,0.237067119309332,0.12744767523104075,0.0,0.0,0.11290543907043125,0.0,0.0,0.10255174528608912,0.18406887216263454,0.034674622232089974,0.0,0.03771855247334435,0.0,0.10616135429734824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345552783021938,0.14024320122259426,0.06657267173276507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492156969236008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647420282535783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210919561537679,0.0,0.0,0.25939302884338483,0.13303665557664146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424899017588099,0.1448973643501436,0.0,0.0,0.12559830772357888,0.0,0.0,0.06667573312446043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688349122690553,0.0,0.0,0.1554591642087837,0.052974428879200855,0.0,0.048788231031064624,0.0,0.0511872133250943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706799200498528,0.04497278008380248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335591455456058,0.0460113227960647,0.0,0.0,0.07285230523486204,0.06273935944358103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434752371466598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647503580652567,0.0,0.07125456188657434,0.0,0.0,0.12626262890038178,0.10555724284651903,0.0,0.2686724681370434,0.0,0.0,0.06923646099852239,0.0,0.0,0.10980084884018876,0.07460058798911197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218689778896717,0.0,0.07429371692971402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259599060669883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668841952104093,0.058008693583198524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409205376668973,0.042526034495289064,0.06520637623786676,0.05268890241845296,0.03869980544501965,0.0,0.06290925160281326,0.1902528514258785,0.0,0.0901192427211292,0.0,0.1944961340385502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914565791084803,0.05267995299884517,0.1064730628532684,0.0,0.0,0.12304789093407495,0.05988693782619847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763482088926129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547783291500306
suicidewatch,RecoveringFromDeath,2018/03/20,"Failed today Belt, doorway. I messed up by having the belt too tight and my pulse instantly skyrocketed while I was gasping for air and was unable to push the chair away due to survival instincts kicking in.

It's an un-describably miserable feeling at even failing to end your life. I've literally failed everything I've ever done. This just brings this to a whole new level.

Oh well, another day, another chance. Stupidity should be rewarded with suffering, after all. ",5.7650000000000015,8.192918833333334,6.228095238095237,71.78357142857145,69.0,10.038095238095238,33.42857142857143,10.290406445055957,4.1089,378,18,60,11,7,122,70,84,0.223,0.685,0.091,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,5,6,9,1,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,8,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,3,2,4,2,12,3,2,16,0,5,0,0,1,6,0,0,8,39,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559175212836601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905072993105196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095422020638482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712681593233109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23478158170179314,0.0,0.0,0.17508237882555344,0.2397794045669823,0.0,0.0,0.23823618405815866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403205973888355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872333501973548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560152415054133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25126418321023464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383381270749285,0.0,0.0,0.29595157394744914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throoooowaway1238,2018/03/20,"Help? I remember when I was nine years old, searching through the kitchen drawer for something and I found this massive knife. Something compelled me to pick it up, so I did, and then held directly it against my stomach for I don’t know how long. I clearly remember thinking ‘I could kill myself right now’ and feeling quite curious and endeared by the prospect.


I’m 22 now. I live in Australia. I never stopped wanting to die. It’s 6am right now and I just left my boyfriend’s house because it’s hard being with someone knowing you’d rather be dead tomorrow than share any kind of future with them. I don’t want a future, I want to die in a car crash tomorrow.


It seems no matter how much progress I make fighting depression or just in life generally, I would always rather just be dead. I just want to be dead. Everything at this stage is just a distraction. I truly believe that my guilt is the one thing keeping me attached to this world, and it’s dwindling day by day.


I care less and less about other hurting people it seems and besides, my continued existence would almost certainly hurt more in the long run. Everything is meaningless and I’ll never grow or change as a person, I’m a disgusting self defeating victim. I don’t want to try.


Even now, I’m only writing here because I got kicked out of uni last year and have started at another one and am failing for the same reasons - panic attacks, suicidal ideation. My parents are putting tremendous pressure on me to get a degree but I hate uni. I don’t know why I signed up for it. I’m destined to fail and I’ve created another stupid situation of guilt vs killing myself.


I don’t know who to tell or what to do. I can’t afford therapy, can’t talk to my uni psych enough, cant talk to my dad because he’s emotionally distant/miserable, my mum has a severe neurological disorder, my eldest brother is estranged, my other brother lives hundreds of kms away and I don’t want to emotionally manipulate or even stress my boyfriend out in any way by telling him. I think I need to go to a mental health facility or something because I can’t survive out on my own.



Im not searching for any reason to live because I think I’ve always been meant to kill myself. I’ve always known I’m going to kill myself one day but today’s not the right time, so until then I guess I’m just asking how do I get help, who do I tell, what do I do about uni",3.6863132652485455,5.187647223382047,4.806309315578627,83.66187947864358,72.59081419624216,7.683597585058964,30.691248659933425,8.27314431278463,2.256660283247757,1896,85,373,30,37,623,237,479,0.199,0.733,0.068,-0.997,2,0,3,0,2,8,44.0,0,1,1,6,23,26,10,6,14,0,34,5,1,9,4,84,72,30,10,12,18,5,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,19,18,1,3,17,0,0,6,15,22,0,4,7,2,54,4,54,57,7,56,0,6,0,0,24,20,0,9,28,233,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202426602486127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795464929267944,0.0,0.0,0.1467380014009651,0.15084297044328818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724181650752073,0.08182707964162436,0.06757756403705785,0.0,0.0,0.2192294437803101,0.0,0.0,0.0810368342416219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333413127445165,0.0,0.07608898093655843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742766965819356,0.0,0.0,0.13916044052471407,0.0,0.061950417881522425,0.0,0.14929725400003802,0.0,0.08243430490757878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181586061529707,0.0,0.07431957617985188,0.0,0.09501390074319213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928627825015038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03636833388334455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886398604276634,0.0,0.0,0.07515753279599806,0.0,0.08175527697341217,0.0,0.05752640514628616,0.0,0.07923544148751345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443225418923514,0.07101279006087922,0.0,0.0764547884665219,0.0,0.0,0.09642198976311082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299383051783035,0.15399818056208195,0.0,0.07769324962517156,0.0,0.0,0.06393181416819245,0.3183052375348277,0.0749006580627725,0.1581162774726781,0.058629913963573366,0.0,0.0,0.07814864136198353,0.0,0.050804001724216834,0.0,0.0,0.19053795555435252,0.1273058484401005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048011674609300836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248526244569868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287444877167962,0.0533327853681065,0.1109487116677563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547504119278213,0.0,0.14621831370440272,0.05470354644088495,0.0,0.0843905620335195,0.0798661613244985,0.0,0.0,0.04986496289543069,0.06280367744370674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230626581048713,0.0,0.07650296893714575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790538900192254,0.0,0.0,0.16295800845210026,0.1842751946587144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095885218229356,0.07503530324491213,0.08125677207413529,0.0,0.0,0.08084869823330845,0.0,0.0,0.06094331514620203,0.16611821472393634,0.0,0.0,0.050910134950591004,0.0,0.0,0.0601339967726083,0.08239186706682458,0.0,0.0,0.07867620746321351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562401942601536,0.18860149050437672,0.0,0.08225452503043204,0.0,0.04778494708366365,0.13826330150926006,0.0,0.0,0.04194107548547468,0.0,0.06817816368500272,0.0,0.0,0.04883355249718846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545456197241013,0.057092118678342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490271852996506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218942131318774,0.0,0.0,0.0926369577675564
suicidewatch,0Diego0,2018/03/20,"No motivation for life. I have 3 older sisters. I am a male And the youngest. But ever since I could remember I have been left out.

I never feel connected to anyone. I never get asked with to do things or even celebrate something. It is like Im always being blamed.

The only comfort I have is food. I dont feel like I would be missed. Since I am a failure. Minimal wage indebt stil living at home.

Nothing brings me joy. In the past I could play games And feel connected with totall strangers. But in the past 4 years nobody has ever asked how are you? Something So small. 

People Think Im fun And always laughing but it is all a facade. I have been thibking about ending it. The only Reason I have not done it. Is Because im scared of pain.

I live in Holland. And here its hard to get a gun.

That aside. Living has No meaning. 
You are alive to work. And I hate working I do Every job almost good. Or aboge average

But nothing brings me joy. The only thing that brings me joy is being asleep. And If i could never wake up i would be happy.

I dont want to live. I would rather give my organs to someone who wants to live. Instead of me. A person with No love or connections.

( sorry If this is Reading annoying or wrong grammer its not my first language)

What is the point of being alive? I want to rest forever And just feel nothing. All I have is this empty feeling almost being jealous of people who do things with lots of friends. 

Yet I never get asked. But always get told we should hang out together. But when I ask its No.

My sisters Often take out mother out to do something. But I never know about it. And they always abuse me verbally.

But as a male they say I shouldent cry And that I am being gay. ( Im not gay at all) I just am Really sad And cry myself to sleep. Im lonely a failure And cant wajt untill i die, So there is nothing.

No stress. No more hurt And peace of mind.
If only I had a gun. Or a humaine ( not sure how its spelled) way to end my life.

I feel So empty And unloved. I dont know Why Im sharing this. But anyway its a lot jibberish

I just dont know What to do anymore And been wanting to end it for the past 5 years. ",-0.43925525005412425,1.7995154407158864,1.7935862740852997,95.04469419787834,93.69798657718121,4.136667388323591,17.947932452911886,5.843745405466311,-0.2823607274301798,1650,48,357,14,62,552,199,447,0.221,0.664,0.115,-0.9947,3,2,3,2,1,1,58.0,1,2,2,4,21,27,3,2,18,0,52,10,3,4,12,93,84,39,1,15,25,3,7,2,1,4,3,1,1,3,24,23,1,0,14,3,1,4,20,12,0,1,6,8,48,15,39,64,8,38,0,4,0,3,24,13,0,13,22,255,72,6,0.0,0.07210091337485605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187107855304695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253844943362465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603498738049655,0.04254986739851747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275575484187216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709545440542018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575862607783407,0.0,0.13368843576642955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315585834540921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227379778201784,0.2852772851222542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169322022509142,0.0,0.0,0.04019286554446799,0.11009013508658956,0.05127131911675666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846147827737919,0.04347343101222552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051761573163683024,0.07358374949637185,0.0,0.04701491540525314,0.0,0.12717282783655998,0.05837579046031423,0.0,0.05104065110818369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477920318334568,0.054512379959107585,0.06007978833684415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104057071064204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514444851763397,0.0,0.3943904180089424,0.0,0.06038726225257346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032973435163113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611701677704483,0.0,0.08596461757491525,0.059459452756082914,0.0,0.2686717897350276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347017380971504,0.05492225340231914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628681103107037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061444233151038995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23466811779715266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335605704045152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512594638940452,0.06475193555955604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427336540565894,0.08437568538325843,0.05313453596681028,0.0,0.0,0.0575258016056378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086951760604571,0.0,0.038984022001508495,0.06256707036504294,0.0,0.0,0.06893464295095621,0.0,0.0,0.04839278774823582,0.06092451885680545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067654344146423,0.0,0.06089699725138587,0.0,0.051560591710175546,0.14054295248718407,0.0,0.06812000725776303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970696306691393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735327937062223,0.0,0.045753920274193116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128418714484733,0.03899217724163101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814769698583376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357082193206894,0.048302318539465774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549104124541955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860349017653242,0.0,0.0,0.12968478208286502,0.06653325720095506,0.0,0.07837473798836192
suicidewatch,SoHiep,2018/03/20,"I don't know how to help my friend My friend's best friend recently committed suicide. He had no idea of the depression. He's picked up everything and moved to another state. We're from Sydney. He reached out to me from Melbourne and has told me noone knows where he is and doesn't want anyone to know. I just got into contact with him again and he's told me he was in hospital for 3.5 weeks after attempting something.

I'm talking to him but I can't do much else since we are in different states now.",2.5834843581445535,4.448272504854369,3.537411003236248,90.08490830636462,76.37864077669903,7.684573894282633,25.036677454153185,8.515128840125781,1.5740450916936355,400,14,86,8,9,128,72,103,0.077,0.81,0.113,0.3796,1,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,1,18,17,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,0,11,4,16,12,2,15,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,0,6,50,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221122391107685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348393252707805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237535395459355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660941810521434,0.0,0.0,0.20147841992838636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109440564635288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331358884701806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469668080183985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423303794204204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925765453067894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769468518032567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179420879944258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049600942263315,0.1417607591301661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904078080169296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952055809126267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845887929915966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093740274492306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499876734688775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685368113693725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113742967613608,0.0,0.15468589348302764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whoiskochan,2018/03/20,my family hates me i don't remember the last day i haven't cried. i go home and i get yelled at by my parents for anything they can find. i feel paranoid all the time of them watching me and i can never relax. i want to go jump off of a building right now.,-0.9975187969924804,0.990415964912284,1.6629072681704289,97.64368421052635,91.10526315789473,4.660651629072682,18.669172932330827,6.18269132825596,-0.2229879699248123,198,6,48,2,7,68,43,57,0.162,0.797,0.041,-0.6535,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,10,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,13,1,7,10,1,11,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280778260993257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044455925955185,0.1787443006412249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612803627818249,0.0,0.1401396628442803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331784344551905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480387443680307,0.0,0.3150311198622635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27363663369029995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780125687884901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592116542372465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376171776248507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077517094014545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139665462199138,0.2366918405158963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161334738935276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634752613864836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Omalk,2018/03/20,"Daylight, are you ever coming?           I’m a 14 year old homosexual male (who is extremely gender dysphoric), I am and ex-muslim agnostic and I live in Jordan. I waited long years for daylight to come and get me but it won’t, my demon keeps tricking me into thinking daylight finally saves me, but my stupid birth sex which I am unable to do anything about keeps ruining anything. I’m 14 and I’ve had 5 unrequited crushes, 2 of which turned into full blown loves ( for real) and I’m still heartbroken over my last one and it’s been a bit over a month who was my last hope of being happy, at night I pray (in case god is real) for him to take me, I pray every night that I’d die, or sleep and never wake up. I lost my school friend (also my former unrequited love), I lost my lesbian friend who was also gender dysphoric (to suicide) and I want to commit suicide as well (for years). I waited so long for life to be better but it won’t, my depression for so severe that I barely eat and have water every 28 hours (literally) I would spend 28 hours without water because I want to die. I am friendless, my family barely talk to me, and I keep falling for straight guys (I’m 14 and I’ve already been in Real love twice) and I cannot do anything about my birth sex which keeps ruining all my attempts at happiness. I don’t care about anything anymore, I just want to die.",2.8977272727272734,4.3802184565217415,4.736785243741768,83.4470158102767,74.57971014492753,7.1920948616600775,25.2266139657444,7.84624498591911,1.419085507246376,1058,35,211,15,22,361,142,276,0.16899999999999998,0.624,0.207,0.7504,0,0,0,0,0,5,38.0,0,1,0,4,11,19,2,0,3,0,21,12,2,0,4,42,47,21,5,5,6,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,11,16,3,6,1,0,1,3,6,7,1,2,7,0,36,12,33,35,3,35,4,5,0,6,13,12,0,2,20,133,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996493563483532,0.14442729236681434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955428908770409,0.0,0.0,0.2972399882705357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055046627908431706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986386210270258,0.09858526207299037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206784836114668,0.0,0.0,0.15557256485480928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777608570939365,0.0,0.2811544236592011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240042714207053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168238938751225,0.15216490920689107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512770980065536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892028930561386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953259750775374,0.0,0.0471785252815187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941214885403584,0.0,0.1922541050375864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968922982425376,0.17785651441355665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210545741797452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721467165196772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378223953290575,0.0,0.0,0.07973740328074001,0.15982701841527935,0.0,0.0,0.19714833290648487,0.0,0.2445004296662541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720773658447656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964566828686382,0.0,0.0,0.1694826701832629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947556687019652,0.0,0.06119026843211753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083467903090653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138939384551388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201438320227356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036617564517622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211446439724511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754919060115156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789508485755479,0.07258049221024375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786120985341165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822151539763482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978553990123548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119140898185985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704690436415076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064147212096679,0.0,0.0,0.17445257546848414
suicidewatch,Defirence680,2018/03/20,"Feel like my life is completely ruined. Long story short, I was doing well in a well paying job before I made a stupid mistake and kind of messed up in a small way, they ended my contract and got rid of me, I managed to apply for finance to get myself a motorcycle to get to and from work, and so I kept it since June 2017 till today, 20 March 2018, almost a year, been in one or two minor accidents but mostly had a lot of fun learning.

I've been doing a commission-based job which hasn't paid enough for me to pay the bank back, I gave in today, spoke to my branch manager and told him the situation, thanked him for being helpful and giving me the opportunity to work there, I signed the documents and they towed my bike away, I feel so sad, empty, alone and isolated now. I'll be liable for all the fees and the debt they don't make up when they auction it.

I feel like dying, killing myself, hanging or overdosing, I've attempted suicide 7 times before and failed so I don't know if I'll get it right this time, I know it's not worth it, but I've suffered so much in my life and always done things honestly. Now I feel like it was all in vain. I'm so ready to just give up, I thought I could manage but the thought of being stuck at home all day is already driving me mad.

I want to just get into bed and sleep forever, I'm tired of the constant pain I have to deal with, guess I probably deserve it. I don't know.",6.685021645021646,4.660925239057238,7.304446849446851,80.47825757575758,65.96969696969697,10.371236171236172,31.98869648869649,8.841846274778883,2.295126214526215,1104,32,244,14,14,368,167,297,0.21,0.672,0.117,-0.9861,4,1,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,4,5,14,21,3,0,15,0,19,5,1,2,3,47,48,25,3,4,9,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,10,14,0,1,10,1,9,2,5,11,2,2,16,5,34,10,34,28,7,34,0,4,0,0,13,15,0,7,19,154,44,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224948023906167,0.1160992305090044,0.12370240786794555,0.0,0.09327412191340388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531931608110072,0.08619607843700443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077347719303347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753212368948199,0.12113760266645375,0.0,0.08950075337453152,0.0,0.0,0.07229363093333975,0.1155676275362416,0.0,0.0,0.11633953448993666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471468894076133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992851360849954,0.11582671033254432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671951001385815,0.24024748578262334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342653235643927,0.2150683235272253,0.0,0.0,0.0896546321688773,0.0,0.1234880633204356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513660903388679,0.0,0.11244295885644244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247899604698493,0.0,0.12401930433529985,0.1167323237172286,0.18481760672351352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835559603312782,0.1642955674080842,0.0,0.0,0.09920278336374456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530130830285907,0.0,0.10606938988788124,0.07482596932595889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240458001334226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596018499786295,0.0,0.119279671556688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086009300829555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573067505819333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272823222493043,0.12600231637988565,0.11217848189654396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261649972077325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320434153478472,0.0,0.0,0.0744726155423899,0.0,0.0,0.1779858290984995,0.1307299382207304,0.12883961638864094,0.21251069562176675,0.1071139903125951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950299488866788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611802541960313,0.08897779874880858,0.0,0.0,0.2015782772171049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321666859382886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218713174214636
suicidewatch,Ryzu1,2018/03/20,"I don't really know why I'm staying alive. Hey guys, I just feel like I can't deal with it anymore. I'm kind of ruining my own life. 

Theoretically I should be happy. I have a loving family, I grew up pretty wealthy and I'm acing one of the best highschools in my country without really doing anything. 

In primary school I was pretty popular and I had tons of friends. In secondary however I was pretty much bullied for four years straight by my entire class, because I was kind of emotionally underdeveloped. They pretty much ruined any self confidence I ever had. I learnt to deal with it by just developing an extremely self deprecating humor.

In Highschool now I don't really have any friends. I hang out with a few people and play some games and dnd with them, but I can't really call them friends, because I honestly don't believe they would give a single fuck if I died right now. My biggest problem however is that it's pretty much impossible for me to ever get a girlfriend. I am 18 damn years old and haven't even held hands with anyone. I know that I am ugly and enough people have already confirmed that. I'm also chubby and way too lazy to work out, and it also wouldn't change anything about my face. I don't have any enthusiasm for anything. I can't concentrate on anything. I haven't had a hobby in years. Even though I want to socialise, every time I get invited to a party I find some dumb excuse because of my dumbass anxiety. So all I do is stay at home and look at stuff on the internet, sleep and smoke weed on the weekend. Everything I do is just self-destructive. I can't really talk to girls at all without being awkward as fuck, I probably couldn't hold a conversation for longer than a few minutes. Whenever I have a crush on a girl it becomes impossible for me to even look at her. All I ever wanted was for someone to unconditionally love me, but I'm also sure that I will never get into a normal relationship like others. And I'm not blaming anyone else for that, I wouldn't wanna date me either. The older I get the weirder I'll become for not having any social experience at all. I don't even know how I would go about meeting someone as I feel really uncomfortable at parties with a lot of people.

In two years I'm gonna go to college and I'll probably isolate myself even more. And with my absolute lack of any motivation I'll probably end up dropping out.

Next year I'll have a year of military duty and I'll be given a gun to keep, which would make ending it pretty easy. I just don't see the point in living for another 60 years without love and while working my ass off for 40 years. I hate myself for not being happy and everything I am. I wish I could give my life to anybody who's dying and who'd appreciate life so much more than I do.

I don't even know why I'm writing this here, but thanks for reading I guess.",4.467532051282056,5.306971597222227,6.128680555555558,77.4286057692308,70.00694444444444,9.032692307692308,29.352564102564106,9.265573868473778,2.5110299679487182,2264,84,438,45,39,779,257,576,0.125,0.6990000000000001,0.177,0.9738,2,0,1,1,0,0,48.0,0,0,4,5,26,28,5,1,21,0,51,12,4,3,9,86,92,31,2,16,15,0,3,2,4,8,3,0,1,5,17,28,0,4,8,4,0,4,23,9,0,3,9,6,66,19,74,68,22,59,0,2,3,6,33,28,5,5,25,303,83,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628619838786892,0.13666399549035507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936898114469083,0.05973247466431667,0.04357785407738382,0.0,0.056493694321707075,0.07966211197091963,0.05836708634321624,0.1875084399486236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417549183336663,0.12582611317899614,0.0,0.0641797311997908,0.059780958094051165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816734708524664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026111939681551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548169282013005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745624784987027,0.0,0.0,0.118240769401477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758671312956144,0.0640776415770849,0.10090766593049827,0.058859782304469775,0.0,0.2257479577161093,0.1545835487456854,0.04799523258347605,0.0,0.10239243257178278,0.05572242580557567,0.053701267295811934,0.0,0.05760614699873006,0.040695606599900055,0.0,0.0,0.052064721117314465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320324016608011,0.10532592950386717,0.11904685807701845,0.10929149819636153,0.06474872506338697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627530601825196,0.05640402774075968,0.0,0.12128000515363388,0.0,0.05624086652083888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714025772603733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063285957340782,0.0,0.11863997763839522,0.12522527911506076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070759692359445,0.05566016855965241,0.0,0.050300890474795856,0.0,0.0956720339736873,0.0,0.0,0.0484293669735809,0.1542386487102147,0.0,0.03802439223735248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675024914909898,0.0,0.04393470301769513,0.0,0.06058262485386876,0.0,0.055813329815865086,0.0,0.0,0.05977489004078036,0.0,0.038600767818968505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847649077853085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385007203200938,0.0,0.0,0.34772159014910675,0.1842528051606276,0.0545075427817203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698013441185985,0.0,0.21895834574580847,0.0,0.0,0.061158789701253075,0.0,0.048647558733281165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057651336778502066,0.045393505756048134,0.0,0.1782798762249698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700585818866397,0.05806835723321253,0.09653204301750624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214336220071319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521097450803702,0.0,0.0,0.05368857346052661,0.0,0.0,0.04578608330672946,0.0,0.052445459757711636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559675471426045,0.0,0.03321658571782364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564625311665688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719853428325805,0.045215942413019336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280359711409844,0.0,0.0655066154977839,0.16473586883091215,0.0,0.08294198768411593,0.0,0.0,0.12139830583313943,0.0,0.0,0.2934672907365118
suicidewatch,Straightnochaser87,2018/03/20,"Will a note be enough for my daughter? I'm sitting at work and I'm planning on cleaning things up for the next person. I want to write a note to my daughter explaining my reasons so when she gets older she knows I tried and it wasn't because I didn't love her. She's the best thing I've ever done but I am not good enough for her.

Will a note be enough? ",0.8679670329670373,2.424936602564106,2.3710989010989003,97.9096153846154,80.41025641025641,4.96996336996337,21.399267399267398,5.288315135182226,-0.2424271062271064,277,8,67,1,7,90,51,78,0.044,0.87,0.085,0.2209,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,1,10,15,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,12,3,8,8,4,8,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,4,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272326227739478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284891669050722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228084742055225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6749050057948389,0.0,0.0,0.19694491019789603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375243176050355,0.0,0.0,0.18261756952222816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965607700465505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650549535029946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315532223489149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901092483201985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385776972109173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892938993656352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478211202897598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841996519583598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850654013924434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mogwynne,2018/03/20,"I'm just so tired. I had been doing so well. I got promoted twice in the past year at my first ever proper job. I have been almost a year clean from self harm. And yet I just want to die. I've had to stop taking baths because I would attempt to just fall asleep. I can't stand on my balcony without trying to lean off the edge. I'm just so tired of all the ups and downs. I just don't want to live anymore. I want to sleep well but I can't. I've been in and out of therapy for the past five years and it's helped but the one therapist I've connected with is inaccessible due to financial restrictions. Nothing makes me feel happy right now, I just feel so so so tired. I just want to sleep. I feel myself trying to plan but all my conditioning from therapy has helped me not take those steps fully. ",0.6552136752136732,2.758107147928996,2.4550986193293918,94.18338428665352,84.02958579881657,5.885733070348453,18.2646285338593,7.1686216300943375,0.0902068376068379,624,15,144,9,18,206,95,169,0.098,0.797,0.105,-0.4057,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,4,18,4,0,0,6,0,13,6,3,1,3,33,26,13,1,5,12,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,2,6,0,2,3,1,0,2,5,1,2,4,6,3,18,3,24,19,2,23,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,11,95,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805878668779758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682798425980388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795777208491535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272488744602673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567969441862234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939881501610952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877928274849404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228166216926428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613641990787426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143781812125716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690655777033094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292517903082595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536451860813314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270952066405735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665847812114809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24416222991067116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921345979194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341239588581996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559555777640289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691794710868743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923078579787265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924962726129631,0.14848484280155666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409564725888808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365162680828208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30172056370844225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299687227777113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327699241461534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908461413628143,0.0,0.0,0.2470620750942571
suicidewatch,throwingawayitall123,2018/03/20,Life is just disappointment and heartbreak 37f here. Dropped out of grad school 5 years ago and never finished my dissertation. Got back in and in the past 3 weeks I’ve been unable to write and it looks like I’m blowing my last chance I had. My FWB for the past year found a girlfriend this week and I was in love with him. I’m so lonely and hate myself so much. All I can think about is what a gun next to my temple would feel like or a rope around my neck. I have nothing to live for at all and I can’t find any reason to go on. ,1.87393236714976,3.000004200000003,2.93768115942029,96.75946859903385,76.56521739130434,5.806763285024156,19.734299516908212,5.82211442006289,-0.4001207729468601,413,8,102,2,9,132,83,115,0.135,0.74,0.125,-0.2896,0,2,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,5,0,9,3,1,1,3,22,19,10,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,12,3,16,13,3,21,0,3,1,1,4,7,0,1,14,62,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743430406870328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337476774031196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750849781225346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123312083364954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944622677448813,0.14050669011931086,0.0,0.0,0.17975998510357155,0.0,0.0,0.21564710293040693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117765504461618,0.0,0.15730123766595142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417865132165005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603186920383071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891937675021504,0.1921737187182976,0.0,0.17367013840469192,0.0,0.16515985328325436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775094318477825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458084442335606,0.0,0.15169007709069018,0.0,0.2091691169674788,0.0,0.0,0.1887176944964846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37550251082807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221757893877731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990484769361052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260232200956578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155262039704802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971429648745864,0.0,0.0,0.2533081647182649
suicidewatch,alittlebitblue39,2018/03/20,"To My Love Throughout this horrible life, I found one man who actually understood me and listened. He was hit by a car two night ago and if he doesn't make it out of his coma, I know I won't have any strength left in me.

I've tried, oh my god, I've tried to live on this planet, but I don't think it was made for me. ",6.400833333333331,2.729225194444446,7.372777777777783,84.95000000000003,67.8888888888889,11.266666666666667,32.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.0728000000000004,242,6,65,3,3,83,54,72,0.061,0.8759999999999999,0.063,0.0222,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,0,11,15,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,1,10,2,8,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,2,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2720404518742575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471138250027878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957395728605106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056582026211401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320534632638313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30288569541786353,0.0,0.19690432391490514,0.0,0.0,0.24616005331114416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160186781828786,0.2637800245413557,0.18608192284310712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616078616251114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890256165404293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786253115368686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378534655243052,0.0,0.2723189292369535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emkill,2018/03/20,Going up a mountain.... How far can I get till I am done.... thats what I'm thinking,-3.3896491228070147,-1.9045292631578936,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,104.78947368421049,2.533333333333333,16.859649122807017,3.1291,-1.2044877192982462,60,2,16,0,3,22,17,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7140809739974567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364566238136854,0.0,0.3965698801600429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471153662483941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nettieavis,2018/03/20,"I'm not suffering enough. I never tried to kill myself. Maybe gave myself a cut or bruise every few years but I never made the jump. I stood on a bridge and imagined what it would be like to drown but I never did it. Maybe I'm just not suffering enough to do it.

I have a perfect life. We have some money problems but overall I have a roof over my head, a stocked fridge and a loving and supportive family. And yet life is not for me. I don't care for going to work just to afford a place to sleep. I don't have anything that interests me enough to live for it. Maybe I'm too spoilt.

And yet I ended up in a hospital. A girl I was good friends with who had three suicide attempts questioned how they even let me in there when I never even came close to an attempt. I questioned it too.

Maybe I'm too spoilt. Maybe I need to kill myself. Maybe I need to feel the discomfort of drowning. Maybe then I'll have some sort of respect for my life, even if for a few minutes. But I probably won't have the guts to do it. Because I'm not depressed enough to do it. I'm not actually suffering. I'm just wasting the time of mental health services. I'm just selfish. And my selfish self wants someone to tell me I'm not. But I need to be above that and do what needs to be done.",0.6667217484008532,2.71863404104478,2.3644989339019205,95.15805970149256,83.58955223880595,5.321108742004265,21.13859275053305,6.5431188927421005,0.21448464818763252,985,31,224,10,28,323,126,268,0.132,0.6970000000000001,0.171,0.9107,1,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,1,0,1,4,15,20,3,1,15,0,23,8,3,2,5,49,46,17,5,8,17,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,12,11,0,0,4,0,1,3,13,11,0,1,8,1,28,9,29,32,8,21,0,4,0,1,11,7,0,7,12,156,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.08481529469930314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152262097149366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298182289080481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940619016291546,0.08861437332586504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485869625020143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894295480964846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697979616749627,0.3592206005345199,0.0,0.1722171612034318,0.0,0.0732285934317878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193456011984529,0.0,0.043946209765781376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714935727713665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939509413405548,0.07289914035532133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891985949043065,0.09238526522346223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923144016319452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887521070218979,0.1841692823109523,0.04246167415389122,0.0,0.07674644458549552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844306395935127,0.08223990352583868,0.0,0.0,0.6112158947581974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758863022386673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778181433310826,0.2681330066884011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080638311859132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370773603612233,0.08316473271352759,0.0,0.0,0.19472661020674806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067000943230104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697653053909822,0.0,0.0736417488859354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506954945598818,0.09862870766411726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596645926856835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050680113831974065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059008739540651826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126398895642528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327425420827691,0.0,0.0,0.06174104317341037,0.0,0.0,0.05596961344414602
suicidewatch,adriaticpatrick,2018/03/20,"What's the most effective way to do it? I'm not interested in anyone trying to talk me out of it. I want to know what method will DEFINITELY kill me, not cripple me or make me sick or hospitalize me. 

If it's guns, then how actually do I get one? If it's some type of pills how do I acquire those?

Someone help me. Teach me what I need to know.",0.5063428571428581,2.134792053333335,3.3779047619047624,89.92800000000004,81.8,6.9523809523809526,21.38095238095238,7.957251820313856,0.755895238095238,264,8,65,5,7,94,47,75,0.126,0.735,0.139,-0.2434,0,0,1,1,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,4,0,17,11,7,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,11,1,8,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,6,1,44,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.3279753325477813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500192393319294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559313953736086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252740247461321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718337597751872,0.0,0.3694125198168613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243426670744101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492064567493811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277432641019487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28476794387019105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27013638981539195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281830304626614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823457414512186,0.2667725772420125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sbandthesextones,2018/03/20,"Please help me understand. I fantasize about killing myself but I have no real motivation to do it other than thinking how much of a relief it would be to just go away. The only real thing keeping me from putting a bullet through my skull is my kids. I don't want them growing up knowing their dad was too weak to get help. I'm so lost, and I feel so alone all the time. Nothing truely makes me happy anymore.",3.759196787148596,4.871344698795183,4.732710843373496,85.77007028112452,71.89156626506025,6.979116465863456,28.29116465863454,7.1686216300943375,1.4516682730923691,322,12,65,3,6,105,67,83,0.192,0.616,0.192,0.2677,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,2,6,5,1,0,4,0,7,2,1,3,1,16,18,5,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,1,12,2,10,14,2,6,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484205485024727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057216515763697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489378338757785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488632265792827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837721161904837,0.0,0.11789116305309585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082042308401006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27808114504372905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843794359802297,0.2294981807172917,0.0,0.1140018879450568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264418659575884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846573259504746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524899796623974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990412873190734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577650997413239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277034093847215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853136550920925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722171813831673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781185011349922,0.13291718101400346,0.0,0.0,0.12095811675344947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594911462984773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223516502349834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735721260234286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stefanfan101,2018/03/20,"Parents Does anyone feel guilty because they feel like a failure to their parents. Like your parents are so kind to you, and they have done everything for you but you feel like you constantly let them down. Especially when it comes to school ",6.77719696969697,8.240312022727277,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,65.13636363636363,8.593939393939394,32.84848484848485,8.841846274778883,2.6536303030303032,195,8,35,3,3,57,32,44,0.08,0.733,0.187,0.6579,3,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,4,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,5,24,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367809006582402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924713222671154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685078897380423,0.0,0.21139394472588027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118693881817484,0.20018549219568896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580916198743474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967315506076577,0.2794995807090699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370641191859226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000330193267136,0.0,0.2867077383973165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6516330928690968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979762166384353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jeffskeez,2018/03/20,Does an involuntary commitment really effect your life and future?? Ptsd and depression which led to suicide idealization beat me to it. Cops rolled up and threw me in the car and sent me to the hospital for evaluation. I realized when I was in the hospital that this can possibly ruin my future while I’m still a student. This made me even more anxious because I’m about to graduate and I didn’t want to throw all this away. I want to know how negative it is for my future? My work at the moment has a clue and I didn’t get promoted due to the incident. ,4.1777702702702735,5.374296900900903,5.97980855855856,76.90322635135138,70.98198198198199,10.595045045045048,29.190315315315317,10.686352973137794,3.3088639639639643,440,17,87,14,8,152,72,111,0.155,0.754,0.091,-0.8941,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,5,5,3,0,0,8,0,6,1,0,4,2,17,15,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,6,0,13,1,15,9,2,18,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,8,63,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31038842278469403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581359434012105,0.0,0.0,0.16748457893664204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366411070274241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240434900462892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146927352340755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354513149781062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099499010542586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406350466326164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599743621921636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30973847214438205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211671441044844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760113904744465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194150879669782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005310612499874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241084257397144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002070984693388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JohnWallJunior,2018/03/20,"My parents are mad at me because i'm depressed I don't even know anymore. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and social anxiety and i honestly thought that my family would support me. Boy, was i wrong. They just got angry and told me that i don't have a reason to be depressed and that it's just because i'm lazy and introverted. I don't know what to do. I have a couple of close friends and when i mention the subject of suicide to them, they just give you the regular fucking response. They say that it's just selfish and i have to think about all the people i love. How could i think of people i love, when they don't want to offer me any help. I don't even want to kill myself, it would be fine if i just got hit by a truck or something, i don't really care at this point.",4.46109090909091,4.428742169696967,5.648636363636367,83.95295454545456,69.72727272727273,8.781818181818181,30.43939393939393,8.548686976883017,2.0915575757575757,618,23,134,9,10,207,87,165,0.231,0.649,0.12,-0.9583,1,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,5,0,11,15,3,0,6,0,17,4,0,2,1,29,36,12,2,6,7,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,9,9,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,1,29,7,14,25,1,6,0,3,0,3,18,4,1,2,2,95,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039045829195534,0.0,0.11293316642542345,0.0,0.1464049095095636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998236957356598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051411993068475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178670151000261,0.16334489898199378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814490932692333,0.14983685858672427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195010609698532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916826069509314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405515871914768,0.13647747207159802,0.0,0.14161591037475138,0.0,0.0,0.2361393281108045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895031603255763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332583431574982,0.0,0.16226231862930082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26647570350896943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392073888501746,0.0,0.0,0.20468998200832966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955389212173555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945727282196916,0.1517836856573332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739778833825905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504856902734167,0.0,0.11364938562307372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147842648454552,0.16752376140352826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918502461465475,0.0,0.11719822244486952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106257028660213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414678662881286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097379562269236,0.16140539964278908,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zarukai,2018/03/20,"I wrote letters for after I’m gone The other day I wrote five letters to people that mattered to me. I had five more to write, one to each of my three children, my wife, and a final suicide note for any and all to read. 

Then something happened. 

The world got a little brighter because an ugly situation I’m involved in found a partial solution. 

God, I was so close. Teetering there on the edge of my own sanity. 

I’ve got a lot to live for, but that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to die. 

Part of me still wants to kill myself but I’m working hard at shoveling positivity onto that part of me. Trying to bury that part deep and far away. 

Life does get better eventually even when you think it can’t. Prove my statement right by simply living one day at a time. ",2.25681318681319,4.15873882051282,3.808278388278392,87.60576923076925,77.46153846153847,6.252014652014653,23.32234432234432,7.1686216300943375,0.8368036630036633,600,19,124,7,14,199,104,156,0.114,0.805,0.081,-0.8045,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,10,0,4,1,0,0,3,20,18,8,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,5,9,1,14,1,24,9,8,21,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,1,8,83,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446860278056301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433344382907118,0.0,0.0,0.09364688135900297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586666256186736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251228958172667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814767333813366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594359543075003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134436129828584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101466246240973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828599586537313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843919815455727,0.0,0.0,0.08026144248255329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457319758172028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584791470956192,0.0,0.13761563136106336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996059186536644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085081510948398,0.0,0.1539701544283021,0.2713030544696693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060439946434513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081972329974576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990747577328088,0.0,0.10650253414224296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366412367764973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119281937409258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267818411909122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826614525838185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226831678574525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803813710048718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843512782371247,0.0,0.0,0.08957854502411489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429962823847616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122112188120945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118390469337793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freshpickles42,2018/03/20,"Should I do it? I've cried and screamed for help for over 5 years now but nobody has taken me seriously. I keep messing up with my life and make bad decisions over and over again, my friends are distancing themselves away from me because people have spread bad rumors about me, and my mom keeps screaming at me for everything I do even the slightest bit wrong saying that I'm ""worthless or I was a ""mistake"". I'm getting pretty sick of this and there's no escaping from it. I know a person who is also suicidal that I've recently became friends with and they've offered me a gun to end it all with. I'm thinking of taking the offer and finally putting a stop to the insanity.",4.8053333333333335,5.615451311111113,5.643703703703704,81.31666666666669,69.22222222222223,8.666666666666668,32.03703703703704,8.841846274778883,2.5893703703703714,537,23,105,9,9,176,90,135,0.307,0.598,0.095,-0.9892,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,7,0,8,2,0,1,1,22,19,10,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,1,7,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,2,3,13,2,19,16,2,14,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,7,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960062009783567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575937305652473,0.0,0.31239296083994195,0.11403675211858227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423309330163428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054887216638296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568939033646024,0.0,0.0,0.12355863861207457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812736248969376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492714884929128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28906119846110234,0.0,0.09773688229910134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538975554322773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325546203590846,0.0,0.0,0.1028093354452294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213378758243427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487135262965555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909530741086247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296914847534557,0.1633431913452363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190318471668652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805803565130907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471005517973346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487663766147691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563997418779534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462532343747256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406541191742125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986755040310268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453278388628085,0.0,0.12046759787139512
suicidewatch,goldya192,2018/03/20,"Go to hell, world. I am a man,more like a very weak, lonely, pretend I am living in a good life, I really can`t take it anymore. I have no parental love since the day I was born in this world, my father left the family, my mother is a career-ambitious woman whom only focus on to bring money to the family. She totally ignored me, when I was very little, she sent me to my grandparents house, but my grandparents are not a good educator, they only fed me, but doesn't know what to teach me to be a mental-health person. They are impatient, when every time I want to call my mom, they will scold at me.  My mom always lie to me, when I was alone at home at 6 years old, I called her, and she said she will be home at specific time, but she never keep her promise, because she is playful, she like to enjoy a carefree life. When she get older, she do realized that she needs me in future, so she sent me to a far place to study and didn't talk with me before make that decision. Every time she solely made a decision without ask for my opinion, is where I felt being neglected. 

I am so angry inside all the time, but I pretend to be calm, the rage, the hopeless feeling, the desperation, all lead to who I am today. I crunch my teeth every time the my grandparents scold me, I felt hopeless every time I remember the darkness and silence in my empty house. I will be enraged if I saw a person who live in a good life surrounded by love and care.

Why human need a heart when not everyone can receive love, why a person have to suffer while other lucky bastards live in a dream life, receive love from parents, have a good mental-health, and rich in various ways. I do not understand and nor do I care now. I am a failure, I just hope that this life will end fast and painless.

I hope God one day can be born in a same situation as I had. Go to hell!",6.807792513999409,4.9646524509283845,7.6335057471264385,77.63845785440616,65.60477453580901,10.711995284409078,32.085027998821104,9.444778638647367,2.616247981137636,1422,42,298,22,18,481,184,377,0.18600000000000005,0.616,0.198,0.8126,5,3,0,0,0,3,54.0,0,0,3,1,10,32,5,0,26,0,34,13,2,3,4,45,64,22,0,6,10,6,3,2,0,4,6,1,2,5,11,8,1,3,9,4,2,8,9,12,0,1,13,5,61,20,34,41,5,55,2,5,1,4,44,21,3,5,27,201,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117550620428159,0.0,0.0,0.06521640177014952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772947068269688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327243071626795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777822808686941,0.0,0.0666935237796188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006448699233558,0.0,0.15982227524576073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109407376139704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941924718127572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641458710603785,0.07489310951557987,0.0,0.0,0.14777476077678298,0.0,0.03963004515851258,0.0,0.15050948188762978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040949035887396575,0.0,0.08908753776831173,0.2629574873187487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662334487092814,0.0,0.09287777622455907,0.0,0.0,0.15723814988715198,0.15569318747760996,0.0,0.1808743431497052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966556924708099,0.0,0.0,0.043074252704547344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515743933131198,0.0,0.27680191358531225,0.07658262558674771,0.0785548973984994,0.20762644247741488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829552021573216,0.07416273457781683,0.052317624420341616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797227518114185,0.0,0.0,0.18358968272533246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623192304309915,0.060449599750369724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224405606274872,0.0,0.05311065750857126,0.11921931990268525,0.0,0.0,0.17405799177269618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530876513602891,0.08188785979156406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050210666637890186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878648736855617,0.0,0.0745550000151672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483472075814581,0.08809965208387813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893016472685195,0.06299690722648431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742154844075181,0.0,0.07429275463450638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159379552882798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933937714844956,0.046229110728236704,0.06221245242290424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144709925414972,0.0,0.0,0.07555316300000388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504725736330304
suicidewatch,Throwaway187461,2018/03/20,"I want to go now I'm going out after dinner tonight to see if I can commit to ending it, i plan on bringing a load of painkillers with me and doing it somewhere alone, I'm not particularly bad objectively speaking but I know that I'm never truly going to make those around me happy, I don't think I want to live like that, I wish it would all go away. I think my family might miss me but I'm no good to them, I don't help them really. 

I'm not pretty, I'm not funny, I'm good at tests but I've never truly been smart. I don't believe there's any afterlife, I think everything just goes away and for me that's better than any heaven will ever be",0.4748632218844975,2.3204927021276625,3.150623100303953,90.41250000000002,82.97163120567376,5.730699088145897,17.163627152988855,6.868970318607317,-0.0916245187436675,505,10,114,6,14,177,84,141,0.162,0.618,0.22,0.8734,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,2,5,9,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,5,28,32,6,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,5,1,0,4,0,0,5,9,2,0,0,1,2,18,7,17,27,1,18,1,1,1,0,4,6,0,2,8,70,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998558346002646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232233322860711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146107405409174,0.0,0.0,0.3084045486807659,0.0,0.13703879403903274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491439168405344,0.0,0.14515657506855273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536738712499153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846183961977402,0.0,0.0,0.1475063390583614,0.0,0.15472388227609452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731075491775589,0.27532308695786345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471573935554427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100105510591008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019964667249472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018393048577893,0.0,0.14492672981689578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955573088702496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411230789260446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531689905975525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697568197887014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514365556131844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078759206946602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154969530841088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361215537607576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887374055579308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165907753894469,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littlebearlost,2018/03/20,"No one will read this anyways. I don't know if this even fits here.

 I'm feeling very hopeless at the moment. I have CPTSD from repeated SAs and was sexually assaulted again in December. I reported it to the police and given a statement and the person who did it showed up with a 5 page statement and basically admitted to it but said that it was consensual. What makes it worse is that my school (Where I work as a teacher) hasn't suspended him (also a teacher). So he's at the school and once I go back to work on Friday he is going to be working at home. Ive been told by the principal that they will take it as it goes...so he could be back at the school. Only 7% of reported cases get convictions. So that's a pretty high chance of him being at the school again. 

I feel despondent and at this point, it's all building up so deeply. I'm trying to hold it together for my husband because if I was gone it would crush him...but I don't know how to go on. The only thing holding me here still is that I almost don't have the energy to carry anything out. I don't have the energy to plan anything. I don't think I can carry on much longer. My husband is scared to leave me alone. 

I've been self harming again but now I almost don't have the energy to do that. I just sleep and cry and shuffle around the house. 


Fuck. 



",1.8118478260869573,3.462792213768118,3.730507246376813,88.79945652173916,77.94927536231884,7.063768115942029,22.731884057971016,7.9370924344782425,1.0306623188405797,1025,31,225,17,24,347,143,276,0.16,0.7929999999999999,0.047,-0.9838,1,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,4,19,5,2,1,17,0,31,2,1,2,1,33,50,19,0,4,5,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,22,11,0,2,8,2,0,4,8,5,0,1,10,3,23,0,32,33,3,31,0,1,0,1,14,18,1,4,9,158,45,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24941650230835954,0.12898529210370055,0.0,0.09959413852785956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049706816676234,0.11086649809716263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152627121896748,0.0,0.07591808162518156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994346023389006,0.0,0.13680071779058287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225712007207597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594175730767354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513469779599735,0.06506671288268696,0.0,0.21233588712574705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158274727005473,0.12492320430993513,0.0,0.0,0.1437017831864112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688722933893094,0.0,0.0,0.1318692760856432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313103771779777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155081198302477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263043022279658,0.08439114201915912,0.18943569952436334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087430280421377,0.0,0.0,0.11773001764908135,0.0,0.0,0.12670137476290086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457313382919485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846551878035,0.0,0.1246856972014892,0.5041622148539894,0.0,0.0,0.12992178829377474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462937257842716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945735102199983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363815350758196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273846456473061,0.07979983914528244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900276400015827,0.0,0.08455409913470105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275807396889088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719985685839896,0.0,0.12691632059370445,0.08846923906191831,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,damdam100,2018/03/20,"Feeling suicidal for over a year for no good reason I have a great life as most people would call it. I live in luxury and have friends and people who care about me. 

But ever since I started my education I have just felt kinda 'out'. When I was 13 my grandma jumped in front of a train, and I isolated myself for a year just thinking about why people would commit suicide. This is what I think got me nihilistic. I try to convince myself that there might be something out there to live for, be it happiness, leaving behind a good world for others or just helping out other people with whatever they need help with. But however I try, I can't convince myself that all is futile and death isn't the answer to everything. 

It's the little things in life that all add up to that feeling of wanting to escape from this place. My futile struggle to try and be good at what I want to do, like web design, fucked up secrets I have to keep from my friends about other friends in order not to tear everything apart, my (very probably) pshychopatic mother who has lately been fucking up my dad's mentality, my crushing feeling of guild I feel towards everybody just for who I am, calling that classmate fat 8 years ago and my fear of the adult world which I am entering faster than I would ever want. 

For me death means nothingness, non of the above, no worries, no sadness, no regret and no ability to feel like I am missing out on potential happyness. 

The people who care about me are the only anchor keeping me here, and I am afraid and hopefull at the same time that this will like this forever. But this does not stop me from having to restain myself when I had a bad day at school and stand in front of the train tracks as I hear the metallic sound approaching.

I am afraid that if it keeps going like this that I will one day make an mistake and hurt alot of people. I am not afraid of death, but what it brings with it.",9.216236737400534,6.494099262599473,8.654547413793104,74.98113146551724,61.679045092838194,11.653116710875333,37.090351458885934,9.673873057562805,3.3296367374005307,1510,51,296,21,16,481,186,377,0.124,0.755,0.12,-0.7584,1,0,1,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,1,0,15,31,2,5,17,0,30,5,1,2,5,69,57,21,5,11,13,2,6,4,3,6,3,2,0,1,32,19,1,4,12,0,0,7,11,13,0,1,5,8,42,18,58,43,5,47,0,4,0,2,17,23,2,7,19,221,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903872244361984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444841934727822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209332456882094,0.0,0.18181777848728725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500712201264142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802823079188669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613083268951293,0.0,0.0,0.1602701463276275,0.0,0.0,0.10033456363572828,0.2254206042615688,0.06369895372966218,0.08561165706094935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666422119945,0.1648618136095549,0.0,0.0,0.05067409465617147,0.224360212495608,0.0713127912357315,0.09830389378774787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949169957406838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049458324818857,0.0,0.11952982650358565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954521673410634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377598307509864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005811509534227,0.09441206009581432,0.0,0.0,0.12595868487473924,0.17424458303443516,0.08936599677566404,0.15746732203385785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059517825241892086,0.0,0.0,0.09712600111014004,0.0,0.0,0.08985658629828412,0.09458917237566287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611415713017818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041999932336544,0.06781342545693242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708915597868453,0.0,0.09315765733835372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613413577110884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167569311616112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902389751800872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375758403490977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686429912022484,0.0,0.0,0.06311091082924722,0.0,0.0,0.07454530049479402,0.0,0.093213827462025,0.0,0.19506242198780815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923676174310325,0.1142656945220156,0.0,0.0,0.051992387716422485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161000634450167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735698393352846,0.15777414383181418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045686159927977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055061791769063,0.0,0.1900191620719942,0.0,0.0,0.17225654931483708
suicidewatch,amazing_chandler,2018/03/20,"Stay away from drugs, kids I'm an ex-addict (heroin), and I've spent a few years dealing with the associated problems: self-hatred, depression, debt, loneliness, and of course drug cravings, and it's becoming too much to bear. None of these problems are likely to go away any time soon and it's 100% my own fault. I keep thinking about how different things would be if only I hadn't started using. 

I've always had depressive tendencies and suicidal thoughts but recently I've been experiencing scarily intense urges to act and thinking of specific ways to die, as well as the usual a low-level 'I'd be OK with dying'. I've been referred to a psychologist by my GP but it will be a few weeks before I hear anything.

I'm not really sure what response I'm looking for, but with no real friends to speak of, reddit is my only real outlet besides my husband and he has plenty of his own shit to deal with (he also has problems with addiction and trying his best to quit, but it's not going to happen overnight) so I'm trying not to lean on him too much. Talking to my family isn't really an option: they don't know the full extent of my problems and it's hard to admit how badly I've screwed my life up.

I am slightly apprehensive about posting this but I am really struggling. Can anyone relate? ",5.41,5.869395000000001,6.6906250000000025,75.591875,67.75,9.36875,31.234375,9.354420925462401,2.7980515625000004,1024,39,189,19,16,348,154,256,0.193,0.735,0.073,-0.9835,2,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,10,18,2,2,9,1,18,6,1,3,1,42,36,21,3,6,9,1,1,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,9,14,0,1,6,0,2,3,8,12,1,0,6,5,16,6,34,25,10,18,0,2,1,1,15,5,2,2,8,122,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302877225702346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446608862975165,0.0878861872322626,0.0,0.0,0.07182676339142617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385354481287401,0.0,0.08691812600695918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984711931326651,0.0,0.08819018096435957,0.0,0.11665149540206787,0.08987676963125248,0.0,0.11084405267003823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177838385027765,0.18194460731479564,0.0,0.2192384747441406,0.11035278829174458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449765933624564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957127303346304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160350135136549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005513661980065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340142174159326,0.0,0.09461680475898823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904397111850375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388192381526844,0.0,0.0,0.05804723559303113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460413068892179,0.051601704390074485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869610249592473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528903835883393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066098690323966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115693493916204,0.0,0.0,0.4042649790594504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234228208359363,0.0,0.2404425266363703,0.20299298624663548,0.0,0.1042892461369109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018705967207144,0.0,0.10841973907603324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475998410247446,0.1125792829590956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041932635144808,0.0,0.11553361673272375,0.0,0.09954773650625086,0.0,0.0,0.08489517718370103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701707408118117,0.13535696749864168,0.0,0.08385228174735745,0.06158919318477212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342117191008466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122372609173253,0.11632800472015113,0.0,0.0,0.08383803910384084,0.0847238114201972,0.0,0.09496710261130616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503102791054665,0.0,0.0,0.06801727688136602
suicidewatch,Dynamite99,2018/03/20,"I can't do it anymore, I want my silence back Everything else is just materialistic, I have no need for anything... I just want my silence back...

I got tinnitus a month and a half back, it was on my left ear and seems to have gotten better with time, yesterday despite wearing earplugs a couple of kids screams seem to have triggered tinnitus on my right ear as well.

I can't live like this anymore, I keep avoiding sounds because they hurt my ears, and the ringing is driving me insane, I feel like a cripple and can't escape this, I am finally thinking of ending it all.",4.452053571428571,5.657721526785719,5.357500000000002,81.5875,70.33928571428571,7.742857142857144,33.64285714285714,8.07648339933343,2.539192857142857,449,22,86,6,8,147,72,112,0.16899999999999998,0.762,0.069,-0.8761,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,5,0,11,4,4,1,1,18,21,5,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,7,16,4,9,18,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,10,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606928247951006,0.0,0.0,0.1496471192272611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41949445419810266,0.0,0.11085411942856437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083161574014054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012136520115708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519124053356559,0.0,0.16106519278367815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343512397881632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194886321388078,0.12991373176694512,0.0,0.1992078712402471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544211937090026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467426917478564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163670446994288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197580641389636,0.0,0.0,0.17768552461826173,0.0,0.16057695016142512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515099698283426,0.0,0.0,0.13483952832035287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552989726514537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331098961656617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652218693651965,0.0,0.0,0.10603824264336384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145197746733794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350505907138185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThePaleEmpress__,2018/03/20,"I'm 27, still living with my abusive parents due to financial problems. And sometimes all I can think about how I just wanna step in front of a car, hang myself or overdose with something...or cut myself to bleed it all out. I feel numb at times and all I can see is that no one cares about my stupid problems. Going out and search for jobs, go to see a therapist or even grocery shopping gives me so much anxiety, I sometimes have to vomit... My laptop with the internet connection, my stuffies and my books, my girl are the only ones that give me relief. And of course, music...",6.743303834808259,6.043525823008852,6.687743362831861,80.65898967551621,65.10619469026547,9.303244837758113,32.992625368731574,8.344100000000001,2.4200395280235987,450,16,88,5,6,143,78,113,0.17800000000000002,0.772,0.05,-0.9271,2,1,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,4,0,5,3,0,1,3,22,15,9,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,2,2,1,6,1,5,0,2,0,3,15,2,17,15,4,13,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,2,3,63,18,3,0.0,0.2259482182017809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588491456089248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443127489740475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259554966659176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642360794279466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658734743637317,0.21675831506125415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924024217439225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839152052374182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018638123223687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584463982671236,0.14503588017024854,0.0,0.0,0.21174969005044847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649481320266443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039262877461094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772141882579014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229320007892097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141730186903225,0.0,0.1221928067089781,0.0,0.0,0.11119865518949798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ironicalyalive,2018/03/20,"Kind of excited for tonight Getting ready and having everything set for when I leave tonight. I hope nothing interferes with my plans. My choice of suicide will be cutting wrists in the bathtub when everyone falls asleep and hopefully I bleed out until they find me. Feeling numb, sad and excited all at the same time haha",4.598333333333333,7.597772396551727,4.25241379310345,81.79229885057472,75.0344827586207,8.004597701149425,33.804597701149426,8.841846274778883,3.4493701149425293,261,14,43,6,6,79,47,58,0.174,0.588,0.238,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,9,1,0,2,1,3,4,2,0,1,12,7,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,6,9,5,2,11,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,6,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794327931958681,0.2628204224721703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786319175087625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26727897084299274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527844624252476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809050063462257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045245460220144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30964491003989925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805978824253949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31987484462939664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052035726021558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inri__,2018/03/20,"Rational suicide? Hi, I hope you're having a better night (day) than I am.

Recently broke up with girlfriend. It's been a long time coming, and I shouldn't be surprised or anything - after all, I cheated on her repeatedly, neglected her and treated her like shit - but it's happening and I don't know what to do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not considering suicide *just* over this - it's just a symptom. I have severe ADHD and probably a few other things too, and it just makes life so fucking *difficult*. I fuck things up at every turn, I make stupid mistakes... I repeat those mistakes and perfect them and do the same stupid shit over and over and over.

Honestly, is it ever rational to commit suicide? I know I'm in emotional turmoil at the moment (and took a hit to the head haha) but I just feel like clocking out. Every day when I come home from work, when I get on the train I can't help but wonder how it'd feel to just leap in front of it, what it would take for me to summon up the balls to actually do it, rather than think about it. I think that's the only thing that's stopping me - I'm scared. 

Life just sucks. The pleasure we experience in life is temporary and fleeting, the pain is almost endless (in one way or another). I guess I'm trying to say, why *shouldn't* I kill myself? I have no friends, no girlfriend, a job I hate, I hate the people I work with, I hate my family, I hate myself, I just feel a constant desire to not exist. It'd be so much easier.

I dunno. Hoping for someone to give me *something* to think about, some reason to go through the motions for even a little bit longer. I don't think I'll kill myself - to be honest - but I'm scared I'll just impulsively do it, I'll say ""fuck it"" and leap under a train before I can even think about it. I *WANT* to, but I don't have the guts. 

Hmm... should probably post this on an alt, oh well

edit: it's not that I can't *make* friends, either - I just feel such a distance, such difference between me and anyone else that it's just... bleh",0.6040466845693047,2.859117805825246,2.6646457343524084,91.57153377401366,85.74757281553397,5.448130551538938,20.173724437099768,6.855684769269737,0.3824642016112372,1544,47,331,20,47,518,194,412,0.226,0.63,0.14400000000000002,-0.9916,1,0,1,0,0,6,82.0,1,0,1,4,26,40,15,3,22,1,29,12,4,5,4,79,72,25,5,11,22,0,4,2,4,4,5,2,1,0,29,19,0,2,13,1,0,6,13,25,1,1,2,6,45,15,46,60,7,43,0,2,0,3,14,19,6,9,18,224,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.08019183400019189,0.0,0.09875947444527118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228730343339667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616860653170151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745930685513018,0.08419893074537134,0.06762377196871057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992564674417306,0.0,0.0,0.0726779143115591,0.08971481018673312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415745399741278,0.0,0.08880296502557816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059933272251105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585633554679767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864742810074304,0.09243683801089328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855282687847068,0.07433281512275035,0.1384734965401875,0.0,0.0,0.0803838081582269,0.0774681343418519,0.0,0.16620243652842515,0.058706486419363865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269778082143942,0.22791091348571416,0.08586704242643706,0.07883062068218913,0.046702463314727764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052602929839748,0.0,0.07266788569395939,0.0,0.0,0.3245267921994304,0.08433619126097641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055080780181433635,0.0,0.08242913779790667,0.16323844072189594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154691057939077,0.0,0.181830937759412,0.0,0.09032346194032917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412982608118802,0.08029399737844828,0.0823618500600333,0.0,0.07272309429589037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645591738022291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040874902421011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711652464936695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055684523246469005,0.062498482432437615,0.08744096191730506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697042898090781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870180612076111,0.0,0.17719905918818346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449052170857728,0.08113879720538998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069916363113973,0.16454484293487232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283538769245793,0.16870478113156162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962738174855705,0.06326303015747635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870274023177794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696613230718495,0.0,0.0,0.08541223493243162,0.06178605729219321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637820691792245,0.26327502458380897,0.0,0.0,0.0479174338771458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130045949186648,0.05579204862260992,0.08938379251482778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846948073641608,0.06522741226850708,0.0,0.0,0.07388601188895767,0.0,0.07415097699828113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911626884725614,0.11965008216844113,0.0,0.0,0.05837540861838784,0.08984645723512116,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canntfigureit,2018/03/20,"I'm not what anyone is looking for. - 5'4"" Male
- Diagnosed Bipolar Type II and Borderline Personality Disorder
- Sexually Dysfunction due to meds

No one is looking for this person, so why do I keep trying?",8.765,9.014787722222227,10.113333333333333,54.61500000000001,60.66666666666667,13.866666666666667,43.0,13.023866798666859,6.4221,162,9,24,6,2,57,32,36,0.199,0.8009999999999999,0.0,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807799365135745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875261852550362,0.0,0.0,0.3246667513144609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517948617981077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757725867215348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31466344560911164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195982767251504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947034113797674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923304971417152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556187596926452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salteracc,2018/03/20,"Long rant Boyfriend and I broke up this morning. We break up all the time and it always just gets uglier and I can't handle it anymore. I found lipstick in between his sofa cushions and wasn't really talking to him last night. He thought I ignored him all night and that it meant something when I packed up all my things (I don't live there, I pack up every morning and it didn't mean anything). I know his big issue was he thought I was still giving him the silent treatment and being distant. I didn't understand what was going on in his head because I might have gone to bed in a mood but I woke up this morning forehead-forhead nuzzling him and holding hands, he was in all of my dreams last night and I woke up feeling better about everything. He was probably asleep and didn't know I wasn't distant all night.
Doesn't matter now really. He didn't speak to me in the car, I could see him going into his phone to block me and change his number, he snubbed me at the drive thru when he got his usual coffee order without mine and when he did start talking to me he told me he wasn't going to pay me $250 like he owes me on payday and I freaked out. He knows how bad I need it, I'm going to be homeless in ten days and the plan was to live with him but we can never make it work. I lost my job because of him, then my apartment, all of my friends. The place I'm staying now is temporary because the lease holder is moving. I'm stressed to the maximum I can handle every single day and he just keeps fucking with me. He knows I'm relying on that money and it would scare me not to get it back. I snapped and I hit him. We were parked and I'm not proud of it or anything, but I felt like that's the reaction he was trying to get out of me anyway. Then he dumped his coffee all over me and my laptop and went to work. 
After I was crying and trying to calm down he told me he wouldn't want me because ""look at you""

That's the worst thing because I know how far I've fallen since this relationship. I went from happy and independent to homeless, jobless, friendless and scared every day and I'm on meds to handle the depression and anxiety.
He couldn't have ruined my life more if he tried, and I'm doubtful ruining me isn't his favorite hobby. I just don't have the energy to keep picking up the pieces because he always come back, always sweet always promising everything I wanted, and then when he's taken all my money and wasted my time, he starts a huge fight/break up and goes no contact.
I was losing my fucking mind and now I just think I've lost it and it's not coming back. Already had a suicide plan for months, I'm just going to sleep all day and if I feel the same when I wake up I'm just doing it.
He knows how much he hurts me all the time and he doesn't care. He tells me to do it, he tells me if he had the chance to stop me he'd let me die. And I can't handle this tug of war anymore, he plays to all of my lovey feelings when it suits him and throws me away when it doesn't. Nobody has ever really showed me how little my life means like this and I really do feel worthless
",3.4293955586398326,3.953636919083973,4.5198039555864025,89.17205846634285,72.17557251908397,7.053782095766829,25.115371269951424,6.7829847944221076,0.7965496183206109,2422,67,536,18,44,794,265,655,0.177,0.746,0.077,-0.9973,4,0,1,0,1,1,50.0,3,1,0,9,28,34,4,4,19,0,48,9,5,7,13,120,113,57,3,10,17,0,6,3,1,3,2,1,2,0,27,46,0,6,19,3,4,15,23,21,0,1,36,10,89,12,63,67,17,90,0,9,2,2,64,33,2,6,42,341,116,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622718627471975,0.0,0.2299073716752233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052843022050015495,0.0,0.13700984584636178,0.0,0.0,0.11368747769422036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489926318823469,0.1593457550361185,0.05767565231694096,0.25264887078865034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610921908199746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042768045991257,0.0,0.07307334719579912,0.11900587535124048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515163946114278,0.0,0.07587684456057919,0.1781934617639566,0.0,0.05949513765410784,0.0,0.07169007879091226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624832807694195,0.17459876265594956,0.0,0.12416227661273295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397077924335037,0.0,0.06632388182604199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573837055529344,0.053368018075486634,0.12771946974093332,0.10826822269365316,0.06626408265553903,0.1962876774610764,0.0,0.055246461766726734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353278542788008,0.0,0.0,0.0708919998372325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739473861866875,0.0,0.0,0.07209749452496042,0.06854736365354393,0.12279601056728102,0.0,0.0,0.2277744851919209,0.11261247046250188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063498510702945,0.09758097457041827,0.10124126956603922,0.06923239209347297,0.1219909112447341,0.06113016857773161,0.05800652083353916,0.07727847904955261,0.15080943065681365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610882843998646,0.0,0.0,0.15048823118279026,0.07672796719564337,0.0,0.0,0.07327881863331162,0.06974716251584859,0.0,0.05513587838172593,0.07341695502123759,0.05077887632771598,0.05121904767488078,0.0532757413020445,0.0,0.0,0.2592929356258702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216981505335404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447571136010664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770076557959062,0.0,0.0,0.07416187284019647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383144389632158,0.0,0.055044702782628685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714045791477958,0.0,0.06912597889502302,0.0,0.0,0.053178151118401885,0.0,0.0,0.09778482826919012,0.07362592423598012,0.05516425707250735,0.05775070674293385,0.07912643110970438,0.0,0.0,0.07555803420210927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104149394162198,0.1207510998100368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178217360773552,0.0442611712027335,0.0,0.10967740388234916,0.12083647591248445,0.0,0.0,0.13201033404140342,0.0,0.14069439855187285,0.0,0.0,0.07191064887769033,0.0,0.0,0.07607755740601485,0.0,0.08148573866334145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806846044795675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658688863386211,0.0,0.10057643674424313,0.0,0.0,0.04906967455368128,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darkangel_401,2018/03/20,"October 3rd 2016 Every day since then I’ve had a migraine. I’ve had them 10 years but none like this. 

Everyday I wake up in pain
Every day o go to sleep in pain

Dozens of medications 
Countless er and doctor visits 

Nothing helps 
Nothing stops it

I can’t live like this anymore....",1.157678571428573,3.7051979821428596,2.701428571428572,89.94357142857143,87.03571428571428,5.342857142857143,22.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.7827785714285721,221,8,44,3,7,72,44,56,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,2,0,3,2,5,2,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606884452139846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28101670465187595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229995360396884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36713033450399707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238207412053079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603390365666202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288089672566066,0.0,0.19238351135961154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194814573456351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181049552493855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636588285865206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022460562308365,0.0,0.21802769419953796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214936888889585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030136277948088
suicidewatch,Bronzetung,2018/03/20,i cant do it anymore it's the same shit every day. i say one tiny thing and everything blows out of proportion. my depression has gotten so bad i cant even be supportive or nice to my wife anymore. i am watching myself bring her down and i need to free her from me...,0.5073684210526324,2.5410438596491254,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,84.08771929824562,6.60701754385965,21.780701754385966,7.793537801064563,0.9677859649122807,208,7,47,4,6,71,45,57,0.218,0.685,0.097,-0.8215,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,6,10,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,2,11,4,6,8,1,4,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,1,1,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686319243482321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937124344916266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488906845194156,0.0,0.2469226529278419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935372220894447,0.0,0.2415457317065247,0.0,0.2576553307012959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257439903487566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426618448092411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798460284096544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942795612082041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253284303786265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046176454338395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rhodechill,2018/03/20,"Should I be scared of this? Man charged, jailed, and held on bail for $60,000 for a minor hand injury to a cop while climbing on a bridge's rail while seeking suicide. Title should be enough, but here's [the article](http://registerguard.com/rg/news/local/32594825-75/man-who-tried-to-jump-off-newport-bridge-charged.html.csp) anyway.  

I mean he was wanted for robbery but I don't know the details, perhaps he robbed then insta went to the bridge to avoid jail? Maybe it was years ago?

Either way, the article states what the title says I believe.",4.405757575757576,7.283860535353536,3.40837373737374,88.2592272727273,74.95959595959596,5.576161616161617,23.03131313131313,6.742157984588678,0.6558355555555551,439,13,79,4,10,127,73,99,0.161,0.8140000000000001,0.025,-0.8534,0,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,8,0,7,1,1,0,0,11,12,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,2,4,0,9,4,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,41,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709434718594565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443669357442777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158218722927837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797922350411754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070701210508156,0.33294637280325895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430680085524237,0.30601257252591635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33433542578064124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028241085643404,0.2426135984753384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833439468422772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683089536770496
suicidewatch,SebbyHero,2018/03/20,"I have an hour and a half left. I have an hour and a half left till I get off, and I’m gonna attempt when I get home. I don’t want my family and friends knowing I’m going to do this, but I’d rather my reason be out there somewhere, so I’m posting here. I’ve had depression since I was 7 when I was kidnapped. Years of abuse after that just added to the pile, a lot of other stuff like losing my job, and getting kicked out have made me want to do it. I had been clean from self harm and suicide attempts for three years, but I can’t handle it anymore. I’m working graveyard shift for minimum wage and almost got stabbed an hour and ago. I don’t see a point in trying anymore. Everything just feels like the effort doesn’t pay off. So thank you Reddit for the years of stories, art, and bringing a little joy occasionally. ",2.702574477545575,3.7958994797687886,3.923699421965317,90.63405068919522,74.43352601156069,6.479146287238772,24.86838594931081,6.67199483983844,0.7057686971987556,642,20,143,5,13,210,104,173,0.17800000000000002,0.698,0.124,-0.9317,2,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,1,0,5,9,8,0,0,11,0,15,0,0,2,0,24,33,16,1,3,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,11,0,0,3,1,2,2,4,3,0,3,7,2,15,5,17,24,1,23,0,2,1,0,3,9,0,2,13,88,21,4,0.0,0.1681266369804231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578454678788964,0.0,0.14209095019208315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814505628318481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221705582593052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752931155883515,0.0,0.13376937095953292,0.0,0.07174819548461081,0.10137238783766654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096305059813686,0.0,0.2224084847749044,0.0,0.08064424415209752,0.0,0.11348927270635505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233586500618234,0.0,0.41922461164296615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081246469369424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798375931791099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083464870995457,0.0,0.0,0.1386489762841583,0.14221967480171854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874823658786946,0.0,0.12063711495556327,0.0,0.13426788581439555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414004221105633,0.0,0.13589963392813595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589539346751948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130748121303286,0.0,0.14803118621632907,0.0,0.0,0.11737998784859807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624399474885122,0.15521403678169593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306411657443272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633983459387634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739094090569215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330387044239084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741341372549167
suicidewatch,laurenn1917,2018/03/20,"my mom says that i should kill myself. while i was having lunch she came and put a knife in front of me. she said that i should kill myself, but not at home.
i've been struggling with derpession over the last year. i've thought about killing myself before, but now nothing stops me. my mom hates me, my dad only cares about grades, my boyfriend left me, and i barely have friends, cus evereyone leaves at some point.
guess that my mom is right. i should take my life away. ",3.0199193548387093,4.9205608172043025,2.393212365591399,98.60981854838712,75.23655913978493,5.5102150537634405,20.227150537634405,5.985473137389443,-0.28269784946236604,368,8,82,2,8,106,64,93,0.183,0.728,0.08900000000000001,-0.899,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,4,1,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,14,15,5,3,3,3,4,0,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,5,2,20,2,9,7,1,16,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,5,50,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221623637356529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880394089057332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312590592588295,0.1543308684796379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169473781450886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675011057771502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944563156059062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183553226795474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5024023898897824,0.0,0.0,0.12338600571978185,0.0,0.16027800307281367,0.16446295172927786,0.0,0.10691645993590633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.531844922154929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452427177175539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512300867848667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309271037680488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521677369748793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926836993313964,0.14398666123538836,0.12037477042137995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655133136214786,0.0,0.1582438314472234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381071240486453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017014392082373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747672671046734
suicidewatch,Rat_irl,2018/03/20,"Hi someone to talk to Hello i'm a drug addict feeling like utter shit right now and i seriously need someone to talk to right now, is there someone willing to listen to my stupidity right now, i really do need it i'm really fucked up right now and i don't want to feel alone, just anyone willing to pretend to care for me",2.0794527363184048,3.928126223880601,4.439626865671645,83.1217288557214,77.80597014925372,6.854726368159205,24.59950248756219,7.793537801064563,1.4004248756218909,255,9,51,4,6,89,40,67,0.234,0.669,0.096,-0.8525,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,8,15,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,5,2,11,13,0,9,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,5,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774067142011774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836365917640373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041731044255725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558551319036114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971568439152795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415499325646575,0.12303102120559495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921075699509424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413595410550292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553917071352226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206517372046472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882855010820199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767770715880915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377537340186268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27684111661553185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157735671162994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_Recluse,2018/03/20,"Thinking of calling the hotline, few stupid questions 1. My family pays for my phone services, will it show up that I called them? Will I have privacy?? I'm 18 but living at home  
  
2. Seriously will cops come I'm doing bad but not planning on calling till tomorrow. I dont know if I would hurt myself  
  
3. How long are they allowed to talk to you",1.5352857142857133,3.667899671428572,3.481428571428569,87.91357142857143,80.85714285714286,6.2857142857142865,25.714285714285715,7.447530270364453,1.371571428571428,267,11,55,4,7,90,58,70,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.9342,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,2,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,0,11,13,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,10,0,8,9,1,7,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,2,3,35,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870828044940003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6863785048490096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300997923376711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26259954770943755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122615695353075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247529277162224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398635097663712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313887452228885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785126722996726,0.19828823632314346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510012470341998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009292714752953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435701844045594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916755099125468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AvariciousThrowaway,2018/03/20,"I think I might be done I'm finally at a point where I've written a note and I'm actively experimenting with ways to kill myself (right now it's seeing what I can do with a belt in my closet). I've broken up with my girlfriend for, I think, the 5th time, for the same reason, I just don't feel like I'm anywhere close to a place where I'm ready to get married and start a family, whereas she feels pretty close to wanting to get that started. I can't stand working, my job isn't that bad, but it can be very boring and also very overwhelming (I'm often around large crowds, think zoo, aquarium, etc.). But mainly it's just that I feel like I lack the thing people have that makes them feel alright about exchanging so much of their time for money, it doesn't feel worth it to me, not that I'd really do anything else with that time, if I'm being honest, but I just hate it. I've tried getting help, I've been on numerous drug trials and it's seeming like my depression is drug-resistant (currently looking into genetic testing for that). And as far as talk-therapy, I don't even know where to start with that. What kind of person do I see? I've done it before with a LCSW, and his style just didn't mesh with me. And the couple people I've tried making appointments with recently don't have any open spots at all. I don't know, there's not really anyone in my life I feel I can to about this stuff, despite having a decent amount of friends. Ironically it's really only my ex, who I can't drag back into this. I just don't know what to do with my life any more, I don't know what will help me get back on track and I think I might just be done. ",4.714077809798269,4.301854896253605,5.798978386167146,84.389015129683,69.20172910662825,9.130201729106627,26.283717579250716,8.697196308434329,1.5489747550432278,1287,31,286,19,20,430,165,347,0.092,0.8240000000000001,0.084,-0.5573,2,0,2,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,2,1,20,13,2,1,11,1,33,3,0,3,1,60,69,16,1,3,12,1,6,3,2,3,3,0,1,1,26,23,0,0,16,0,3,0,13,6,0,0,6,9,34,7,39,56,8,34,0,2,3,0,12,20,0,5,15,181,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651497616679155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301308768569389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690143124728162,0.0,0.07873619398947918,0.08517516778587425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714347946826611,0.07988850560147984,0.0,0.0,0.08141632929669278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058677054387862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240873656048663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937404830290455,0.0,0.0,0.22191601986821216,0.0,0.07992806462082343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670809403408514,0.06319550201343632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359305061669296,0.0901982524187698,0.0,0.2902710149786038,0.1367071125607871,0.0,0.1048123724345372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392185505825796,0.0,0.1999546583387576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446383912605698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826409610702802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494728234906016,0.0,0.10585534917616164,0.09963562490097637,0.21033211884204514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516272327061196,0.14023272223055164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034680282534748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773380971448725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030019627931496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033554685522019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276868020798002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326644349262298,0.08354377398044785,0.09996486285867524,0.0,0.09044818929796317,0.0,0.0,0.09734059467336242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388448851668848,0.09837460871891213,0.09447210486561697,0.0,0.0,0.08170989258057282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248857602569926,0.08710315377043848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031676319323146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953030040705583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690367299189013,0.0,0.0,0.10941801065982164,0.0,0.0635653035191061,0.2452306081690573,0.0,0.0,0.16737470830411585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992039442735714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578914521857267,0.05643433258348229,0.07594604731870347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696559198504225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodjellybean,2018/03/20,"Honestly just trying to get by (police called, what to do now?) Things have been going downhill for a while, and I'm doing everything I can in order to keep going. I've struggled with depression since middle school, which is when I started self harming. My dad found out, and locked me in a car with him and threatened me if I ever did it again. He was super manipulative and verbally abusive my entire life, and blamed me when my brother molested me when I was 11. Needless to say, it's been rough.

I'm in college now, only in my second quarter, and things have been bad. I started self harming again (I had been clean for about 3 years) I'm struggling to eat much anymore, and get so stressed I'll throw up. I've essentially been isolating myself. 

Idk if I'd say I'm entirely suicidal, I definitely feel suicidal, feel like I'd like to die, but that's how I've always explained it, a FEELING, no plans, no actions. I've got lots of reasons to keep trying, to keep going, but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling. I don't have a lot of friends at college, but I've got a nice community of people online who I've known for years. The one I've known the longest has been my lifeline since I was probably about 14 (met when I was 12, I'm 18 now) in a lot of ways, she's become a mother figure to me. I'm planning on visiting her this summer, and I love her to death.

About a month ago, it turned out my best friend had been lying to me for more than a year, and I still can't really talk to her. I'm heartbroken and it's hit me hard. The friend I mentioned before was involved as well, but because she's such a big support for me, we've been talking anyways. I mentioned how bad I've been doing, and she's been talking with me for a few days. Yesterday I was cutting again, and I mentioned it to her (I'm trying to hold myself accountable, instead of hiding it from her.) I want to stop, and I'm trying to stop, but it's been taking time and is much harder than last time I tried to stop. I skype called her before I went to bed and put on cam so she could watch out for me (I usually get really depressed at night when I'm all alone), and we talked a little, before I broke down crying out of nowhere. 

This morning I woke up, took my final, got back from class and then there's a knock at my door, and it's three police officers outside my dorm. We go outside and talk. They tell me that someone told them I'm gonna kill myself (never told my friend that I had any plans or anything) I told them about how I have been struggling for a while, but I've been working hard and seeking help. I've started seeing a new psychologist, psychiatrist and I'm on new meds (thought they haven't started working yet) but they looked over my arms (no cuts, I cut on my leg) and had me talk to some crisis lady on the phone, and that was enough for them to be satisfied I'm fine. We talked for a while about other stuff, and they seemed really nice. 

My main questions, what can I expect moving forward. Is this going to stay on my ""record"" or whatever, they mentioned they were gonna contact my psychologist, but are they going to contact my parents. If my dad finds out he's going to freak and probably take it out on me. I'm not at home any more, but I'm worried he's gonna like, cut off all financial support. Are they gonna come and find me again? If they see my cuts are they gonna send me to the hospital? I'm really kinda freaked out.

I did confirm that it's my friend who called them. I'm a bit surprised, but I'm not upset, I know it's because she's worried and because she cares. I just wish she had come to me first, though I suppose she would rather be safe than sorry (especially since she's so far away, and can't do much if there was an emergency). I haven't really talked with her about it though, other than how much I love her and appreciate how much she cares for me. But yeah. 
Any help/advice moving forward would be appreciated. I don't want this to hold me back, idk, maybe I'm overthinking it. 

Tldr: been hella depressed, friend called the cops and told them I was gonna kill myself, what now?",3.3810070671378085,4.24942785747939,4.605531802120144,87.24589487632512,72.54534746760896,7.450341578327444,25.92856301531213,7.675431598112923,1.219337008244994,3197,100,692,38,60,1056,320,849,0.159,0.708,0.132,-0.9629,1,1,0,0,1,2,117.0,3,0,15,8,43,48,8,6,24,1,61,6,2,7,4,117,142,68,6,13,24,5,6,3,6,8,1,2,5,2,35,46,1,9,16,0,1,21,14,24,1,5,44,12,114,24,90,85,18,104,0,4,4,2,90,35,0,14,52,442,149,7,0.0,0.06174743003388595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092590840285351,0.046196561363644334,0.0,0.0,0.053975140544175126,0.0,0.0,0.043363627970127126,0.0,0.0,0.10631940504277912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168380587568934,0.0,0.0,0.042885980137761584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896350184726615,0.08014601694768725,0.08702724098953317,0.09530596222402413,0.05755662190016294,0.1330373836043171,0.0,0.054691191119510006,0.0,0.056895784658559476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128598535573263,0.0,0.10626887557400633,0.0,0.0,0.08978444609910967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041609369166535765,0.0,0.05724558086323789,0.03360968779007631,0.0,0.13465901487884835,0.0,0.05408685912393898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332637652412838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384844448631956,0.0,0.0,0.04714075450291625,0.0,0.0,0.04683735655561674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905231604542433,0.037230771624267536,0.0,0.057089136452542474,0.09526383330060373,0.04432876045205532,0.0,0.05714110861069562,0.2415822543974032,0.0,0.08168338223633237,0.0,0.20732600371932505,0.0,0.12504272467274016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933691186408586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986280640856173,0.0,0.052275320696537037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896589255896122,0.11531444872357648,0.0,0.02864089122785945,0.04248045844159528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681017313539296,0.07638187008438932,0.05223264782417365,0.0,0.0,0.04376324553560365,0.0,0.0,0.13291823263096392,0.09407115223718414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235624830785378,0.05676821602842293,0.05788771364975879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041597478158791897,0.11077941524164177,0.1915516049591264,0.0,0.04019409049516029,0.1006654568235872,0.0,0.0489061412595588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035314287984907974,0.039635598521152234,0.0,0.0,0.05786723734820781,0.0,0.0,0.03612979008100065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237698092751593,0.0,0.0,0.05238969516035314,0.05838042163575535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693014403733425,0.053582619400463605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288744582453357,0.0,0.05274288633995733,0.08305738074598218,0.047443290477497034,0.10873405282935933,0.0,0.0,0.12932952298160194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415663935597376,0.0,0.0,0.05833817056086527,0.14754828897536915,0.055547365258664806,0.041618888572566085,0.13071073679621614,0.0596972440899752,0.2179265133421799,0.059658894464313536,0.11401010629351675,0.11827834999453578,0.0,0.0,0.07836757840274379,0.3351027501168579,0.04555056874420718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924541830242466,0.0,0.10240491002003413,0.041373272235934254,0.06077703321425541,0.0,0.0,0.19919142120141212,0.05790137962355003,0.17691239481445772,0.056685858224565976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057397009451105735,0.0,0.06147723286158455,0.0413662448211127,0.0,0.0,0.046857398605247805,0.048310874358715734,0.0,0.0,0.059929364500065876,0.0,0.0,0.07588028437295034,0.10585007064440924,0.0,0.07404161411464172,0.0,0.0,0.1006805272743228
suicidewatch,Dylan_CreatesMemes,2018/03/20,"I don't want to feel anymore I don't know if I'm going to do it but I know that I'm about to reach a point where the easiest way out will be suicide.i wasn't going to post here because my brain keeps telling me that every time I reach out for help it must just be for attention but I want help.

I feel dumb for posting here but my mom is currently in a hospic battling widespread hyperaggresive cancer. I have been told nothing can be done and they are not doing any kind of treatment. Ever day the tumours in her stomach are growing and there is nothing we can do about it. I can tell that she is feeling worse and worse but doesn't want to tell me. Today she looked at me and just said she was sorry. I just got out of lying in an empty bathtub for about 2 hours crying. I don't think i can take it when she passes. What can I do to escape and feel less. I keep doing what has always comforted me which is watching movies and youtube videos but that only last so long and when I look up from my screen it all comes flooding back.",2.975766129032259,4.019668497695854,3.946379608294933,90.92528369815668,73.70046082949307,6.346658986175116,24.161578341013822,6.322622252153567,0.5158297235023039,812,23,179,5,16,262,122,217,0.162,0.74,0.097,-0.9519,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,0,15,4,2,0,5,0,31,3,2,0,3,38,54,16,0,5,10,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,12,0,2,8,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,7,9,28,2,24,42,2,29,0,0,4,0,15,10,1,1,11,128,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919243486670596,0.0,0.0,0.08923972503867474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014318383674986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090644100875257,0.0,0.07999553665670057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649415146130834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304153667071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441480948993006,0.0846313792618185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429208384344468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870348507678075,0.11056547907504848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654118293730316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491601023847667,0.0,0.10495523713090896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759190892336631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923341409822625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328343563860016,0.0,0.1366540514438338,0.14423925286310793,0.10696855656743387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613289129752705,0.22039739576190506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369296625592654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25183413265621457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980501430612042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405313386260858,0.0,0.2513608196580244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482813774110403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689930680150587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866732906086673,0.0,0.3440978818125863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408577799768639,0.0,0.0,0.07652026077258768,0.0,0.12438905783375458,0.12539423765768246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322055046794626,0.1041628942214246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674656408340973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RobTheMelon,2018/03/20,"Suicide Feelings as a Teen. 
I'd like to take a quick moment to say hello to anyone reading this and introduce myself, as I'm new to this SubReddit, I'm Rob who suffers depression badly and I'm in my teenage years.

I'm sucidial, and it's not what you think. I'm safe, I do not harm myself. But I'm suicidal, and I can't remember the last time when I wasn't, being suicidal is different to suicidal thoughts, it's an actual feeling that you have an itch you can't scratch and a dark grey cloud coming over and ruining everything for you. As I have previously touched on, I'm in my latter teenage years, turning adult this summer. I should have enthuasim and desire for things and adult life moving forward as most people do in my age bracket right now. But it's hard as these sucidal feelings linger everyday, even if I have the best day, they will always still linger in the back of my head. I think my issue here is depression is a distraction, not because I'm too busy thinking of the weekend ahead, I think its due to constant stream of negative thoughts in my head, it drives me to these feelings I have openly expressed about. 

I struggle to put on a play every day that I'm okay to my family and friends, but it makes me fall back and lower into a dark hole and drift me away from everyone. Even those little things that once gave me joy, now feels worthless to me and the simpliest tasks become painful and struggle with a day to day routine most times. 

But if you still here reading this, I truly appreicate it and I truly humbly thank you, and if you want to leave any comment or question about my mental health and suicidal feelings - please, feel free!
Kind regards,
Rob.",7.893772727272728,6.497877975757575,7.686477272727274,76.68971590909094,63.18181818181818,11.037878787878787,36.98863636363636,9.978442167317967,3.4879545454545458,1332,54,258,23,16,426,173,330,0.157,0.708,0.135,-0.7988,2,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,7,1,2,15,21,0,3,14,1,16,6,3,1,0,53,45,30,5,6,11,0,10,1,1,2,4,1,0,2,21,20,0,1,15,4,1,7,7,11,0,0,4,12,35,11,37,38,3,46,0,5,1,0,18,14,0,7,28,167,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0883737430821315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753533848091446,0.0,0.0,0.06158407722394235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633218342615843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508433839627125,0.1392704886256222,0.07561402823214045,0.05520468944634166,0.10001668405939658,0.0,0.0,0.0950373979994928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800963887803458,0.0,0.09786346096141378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336154843045439,0.0,0.15599882576209395,0.0,0.0,0.09461618921906458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962838552082634,0.0,0.07630091866272615,0.08653420225131138,0.08138971569467952,0.0,0.08537214651260484,0.0,0.32052989328522263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996662652860755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112419849974407,0.0,0.1858818916401188,0.09626131374510108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452137544139516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943045673149984,0.0,0.07381869279995623,0.0,0.09589023165473608,0.0,0.0,0.06396538460927051,0.04424316505433302,0.09076516415570446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604496718347125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126343464067943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625121670384744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746365629556734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644371347175308,0.0,0.0,0.0963624937586023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278307656644339,0.0,0.0,0.09940796264160978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103806679116977,0.10144820862013054,0.0,0.1811695190179093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258711255053236,0.07733796092335653,0.0,0.07201714770459153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446430694451089,0.0,0.0,0.18934647755142991,0.0,0.495291089204134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680900396065898,0.0,0.0,0.08337571345742639,0.0,0.0,0.12032841567609025,0.2321094128607231,0.0,0.143789449801366,0.10561282313617552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850354981771632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053414783329610666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663566710356105
suicidewatch,aristocrat_user,2018/03/20,"Do I actually want sympathy whenever I crave for suicide? I just think about the things I am going through and it just depresses me and I just cry. I feel suicidal but I also feel like I need someone to talk to freely. 

I do have a girlfriend/partner but I don't feel like telling her anything. She is just a precense in my life. I don't feel attached to her in any way. 

I imagine me telling my troubles to someone and then crying out loud. And just want to scream and cry. 

I am just tearing up typing this shit and I am already feeling stupid. I hate myselfffffffff..

Is it just sympathy that I am craving?  Sorry guys, don't feel to type anything here. I just wanted to vent out",0.6311030008110308,3.1016035985401444,2.1929318734793206,92.89658353609084,89.65693430656935,4.796269261962691,25.859286293592863,6.42735559955562,1.0101325223033255,531,25,109,6,18,172,74,137,0.274,0.601,0.126,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,3,0,3,0,12,2,1,0,0,30,25,10,2,4,10,0,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,8,24,2,15,25,0,8,0,1,0,0,7,5,1,0,3,78,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.1361301518915401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393976821876254,0.11155668599448153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948635815821937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22959031837474655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596967736444073,0.0,0.0,0.12014962309653228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232069863118063,0.1993151300983468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928006017081186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812518188692988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772562401701968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098531726947089,0.1363035799764965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343617169655114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319293084264387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363927991276179,0.0,0.0,0.15615685020424508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051768493780942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212339504723023,0.24385520737871516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267642702217124,0.08938483458492072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468390151073216,0.11072720371481624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymouscolumbus,2018/03/20,"Suicidal Partner I was out with my partner last night.  We had a bit to drink and came home.  I don't remember the end of the night, just laying in bed hearing him cry and puke.  I was in a state where I was so tired I couldn't even move.  This morning he told me that when he gets that drunk he thinks about how he's going to kill himself one day.  Not soon but eventually.  In the moment I knew I didn't have anything to say.  So I kept quiet.  I know I'm unable to talk him out of those sort of thoughts.  Later in the day I told him it upset me that he said those things, that I knew I couldn't change his mind about it but it made me sad.  He informed me he thinks about suicide everyday.  He thinks he will kill himself around the age of 32.  

I guess this post is just me trying to figure out how to cope with hearing this, and if there is anything I can do or say for him.",1.6223049645390049,2.793296904255321,2.9182127659574486,96.4636666666667,77.29787234042553,5.864397163120568,21.04397163120567,6.079149491110277,-0.11644794326241124,670,16,164,4,15,217,104,188,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.9875,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,0,15,4,2,1,7,0,14,3,0,3,0,37,33,12,4,3,7,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,2,2,13,11,2,1,10,2,0,3,5,4,0,1,14,6,28,0,24,16,1,26,0,1,0,0,28,9,0,4,12,106,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350480056442346,0.12089140917560025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825918589500434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531981634234832,0.0,0.0,0.1436591278372803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917068576878248,0.17516042637764526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303298036206376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027910719857185,0.0,0.0,0.0896950776917731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095025770470799,0.0,0.07717866399004837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495997748660727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061145039080555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362191687025603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30048669496847635,0.0,0.0746325099870294,0.11069569077557287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849790028881916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711998862326485,0.0,0.0,0.1443346463733108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548795040589164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202206487746416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005952617682734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383571366166693,0.0,0.1291775581431626,0.21598832519155486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970878360201469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915145388549494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021994692652548,0.2610468041789709,0.0,0.10781058203736713,0.0,0.15608292078852454,0.0,0.25952676566301164,0.0,0.09219975710795014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MentalApocalypse,2018/03/20,"Writing my note as I make this post (20) I never actually thought I'd make it to 18, let alone 21. My 21st birthday is on the 31st. 

However, I think that will also be my final night on this blue marble. Everyone will be all good and drunk by the end of the night. It'd be easier to slip away. 

I know, it's selfish for me to do this. But I've been fighting for years now. I'm so tired and weak at this point. 

Abandoned. Heartbroken. Shattered. 

I'm currently writing my note, writing a personal piece for each major person in my life. Hell, half of them won't be read by those people, but I have to get it out. 

I haven't decided how I wanna do it yet. Maybe I'll try something that won't be messy. Easier clean up ya know? 

I made this account specifically for this post, that way my actual account is less likely to be connected to my identity and location and be traced. 

I should have a good, proofreaded note by my birthday. Everyone can have their closure with me. 

It's too bad that I'll never get to finish some of my favorite shows. It's a shame I'll never get to travel around the world. But it'll all be over. No more pain or suffering. 

-B",0.9232352941176458,3.054261289915967,3.046329411764706,90.1780823529412,83.15966386554622,6.6651428571428575,21.70487394957983,7.839951260653429,1.0138028235294123,889,29,194,17,25,301,133,238,0.179,0.75,0.071,-0.9755,2,1,1,0,2,0,34.0,0,1,2,0,7,12,2,1,7,0,26,5,0,4,5,33,38,12,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,19,8,1,1,5,4,2,1,7,9,0,1,3,1,23,3,30,19,8,27,1,2,1,0,9,11,1,2,13,129,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.2786980695715825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478943735531875,0.0,0.1141945138621319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711938715410415,0.0,0.0,0.13416225246778435,0.0,0.11922932630138636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647554113887546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27289683879230897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642686590933533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381623324650413,0.0,0.0,0.2395422873019013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695472483976244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601935737701005,0.10086157148192584,0.06976328184334113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511774282965935,0.19063588639572307,0.0,0.14345853418849125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304009831779886,0.0,0.0,0.2680101636258437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194581587806605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899729054460804,0.2493692381242785,0.0,0.0,0.13498909003220422,0.0,0.2735196383911184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428353984298772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099319188790175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149839510808908,0.0,0.11336467339387625,0.0,0.16412386431065282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694962362706436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334541795327427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195642883075043
suicidewatch,wldrwn,2018/03/20,"I feel you people Suicide was always in my mind, but I couldn't do it. because I scared the feeling that I had to deal within the exact moment when I die. I didn't want to think at that monent like "" I wish I couldn't do this "" body survives for being alive, and I didn't want to feel that I'm gonna die just because of myself.

I still don't know why am I alive, but it ain't bad either. I don't know anything about the future but for now, everything is allright.

I don't wanna say things like ""there's a light end of the tunnel "" because it's all empty for you. sometimes it's empty for me to. but there is. at least if you are young.",1.4917789404839752,2.5852888776978418,3.345376062786137,93.58463047743624,77.48920863309353,5.6300850228907775,19.830608240680185,5.565023196281405,-0.256084892086331,490,10,115,2,11,165,79,139,0.17,0.675,0.156,-0.2479,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,3,0,1,7,4,0,1,5,0,17,1,1,0,2,23,28,7,3,7,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,5,19,2,16,20,3,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,9,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561378128863572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441796398610275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667788542739647,0.3431646564936915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084341515080701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345640820641,0.0,0.0,0.3894971101275034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620005294531534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864553904508198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28464075329298266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625239744768145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335025146515607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947055644023145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300912000992362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922488168765127,0.18786795597687608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855882478528665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985559420807892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525598845043572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466470948406005,0.1202369879143496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135880069642055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693227479377063,0.0,0.2157854482829646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bloppitt,2018/03/20,"It’s selfish that my family wants me to stay alive just because it would disgust them if I killed myself I’m forced to be alive. My grandmother loves me and would be devastated if I kill myself. My little cousin would be traumatized if I die. But I live in absolute agony. None of my friends care about me once they found out I have binge eating disorder. Suddenly being 3 lbs overweight is “disgusting.” Suddenly when I eat a whole slice of cake it is “nasty.” When before they knew this about me it was fine. Every day I count calories. It’s been this way for a decade. I lost my job. I gained 20 lbs. now I’m 3 lbs overweight and I spent all year gaining and losing the 3 lbs. it’s torture. I don’t want to be alive. Me being alive for others comfort is utterly disgusting, I’m like a fucking circus monkey. I live to serve them, even as a shell of myself. I’m IN therapy. I’ve TRIED medicine. I’m just beyond help. I won’t be happy until I’m skinny and free of worry. I’ll never be the second one. ",0.014254658385095096,2.353012135265708,2.228479986197378,92.2529891304348,91.89855072463769,5.275983436853003,18.503968253968253,6.868970318607317,0.3174142167011733,780,23,165,12,28,262,119,207,0.265,0.568,0.16699999999999998,-0.9802,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,4,4,9,18,7,0,6,0,19,7,1,0,2,20,34,12,3,8,6,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,10,5,5,0,2,0,2,0,4,10,0,2,6,0,30,9,18,16,3,16,0,2,0,2,8,5,1,3,10,103,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269214575655717,0.0,0.1293887629310763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503159310648404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806377292998468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781049513920462,0.0,0.17426976217416373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111832345068695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043179174204084,0.0,0.12811404148770753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433452035952161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672195037233714,0.1174783665903598,0.1405736546720628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618668227605526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192017293780878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089247467843708,0.0,0.3364556667650465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428705686196774,0.15240041941936747,0.268537103469534,0.0,0.0,0.1701121723967262,0.1659874791951701,0.0,0.13723680163094282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727523885563905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619350608813141,0.10303732482628454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620718480816408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388969957195965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323628723922396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793735616158347,0.12069526097476853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976549576148048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442061463244286,0.0,0.3240494264298827,0.0,0.0,0.09791931051514144
suicidewatch,My_Honest_Self,2018/03/20,"Wrote A Note Today Like the title says, I wrote a suicide note today. I hope it's not needed, but I have BPD and the back and forth in my mind is becoming too much. I hope everyone stays safe.",2.4052845528455293,3.259101073170733,4.130243902439022,89.79260162601628,74.85365853658539,7.417886178861789,20.98373983739837,7.793537801064563,0.5912861788617882,148,3,34,2,3,50,31,41,0.064,0.672,0.264,0.8248,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,7,3,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,1,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560393991815108,0.0,0.0,0.2665818265185254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040057608695744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306459758131803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794834582982227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179245629073283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372186428409326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743979766962106,0.1789779158878506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919526022712682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25727566351326514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26402715598924753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575941631842717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Waffliez,2018/03/20,"I am sobbing uncontrollably on my 19th birthday and I'm just feeling hopeless. Please someone help I've had the worst week ever with no exagerition.

I don't even know the chronological order at this point, but I'll do my best to keep the order of shit in order. that happened in the past week.

Tuesday

I fell ill

SO broke up with me. 

My bed broke, forcing me to sleep on the floor for a while. 

Wednesday

I had a cancer scare with my dog, but thank God the tumour was only benign. 

I was pulled over for the first time, even though everything was resolved, I felt like I was having a heart attack.

Stressful 12 work day. 

My car was broken into. 

Thursday

My fucking best friend/pet bird died.

Friday

I was suffering through work to hold my sanity, but other than that, it wasn't bad. 

Saturday

With an essay due on the 20th about some play for my theatre class, I had to scramble and was forced to see a performance that was well out of my price range. I was going to take care of it earlier in the week, but never found the time. 

Again not a bad day all things considered. 

Sunday 

When I saw the actual night performance


Monday, the big fucking 19th birthday

So to start it off, I of course was isolated from all companionship all day, and had to write my ass off to write 5 fully written pages. 

Then the straw that broke the camel's back. I lost my fucking car keys in who the fuck knows where. I've looked for hours, essentially tearing my house apart. 

To no avail in finding them, I finish off the day in the defeat of how much of a fucking loser and failure I am. 

I am shaking, sobbing, and my face and arms are for some reason numb. And all I know is that I will be missing my much needed therapist appointment tomorrow, due to the ungodly cost of an Uber ride to and from. 

Sorry I'm just a rambling mess, I feel so helpless and alone.

Im usually a pull yourself from the bootstraps kinda guy, even strongly remaining afloat when I lost my father last year, but man, I don't know anything right now.",3.8012510495382017,5.201381942065495,4.521629722921915,86.21475356842991,72.1486146095718,7.409202350965575,26.33157010915197,7.908726449838941,1.4571851217464316,1569,52,316,21,30,503,218,397,0.266,0.63,0.104,-0.9979,0,1,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,0,1,13,19,39,7,4,29,0,26,14,6,2,6,49,56,23,1,1,8,1,3,1,0,1,3,1,1,2,12,15,0,2,11,1,2,8,7,29,1,1,21,7,39,10,51,33,12,70,0,13,3,6,9,23,9,3,37,207,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.09519225891433583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102975970296446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027325587782541,0.0,0.0,0.11097432905242556,0.0,0.07500798285784532,0.1628961250705509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474010223839206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945614643058792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251640191902345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123887266041308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932875509881791,0.08823727092934898,0.0,0.0,0.08766937575759012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986458631820882,0.0,0.09366086827877942,0.0,0.08915661997087575,0.08297382778903639,0.0,0.10695576544862886,0.07536493301731051,0.4509053188192658,0.0,0.0,0.055438474942251584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658733127137192,0.08626090519042362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559422112008935,0.0653840126442563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960646080907736,0.11255668291651758,0.0,0.0,0.10536800637169694,0.0,0.0,0.08670467299447022,0.0,0.0,0.2144381527685824,0.07951420719161609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765676632173023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191530648568206,0.0,0.2129691723562447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434172281878472,0.07233021267096447,0.07523462214761169,0.0,0.0,0.0915416921500852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418924626973157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312009743636412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707782863890104,0.09221388887773206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029504523204888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330500602742352,0.0,0.0,0.0976620343390426,0.0,0.07773270373845995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013107572476483,0.0,0.0,0.09761791719172674,0.0,0.08265165441808059,0.0,0.0,0.10919640586115767,0.06904460103982912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174029682059408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334355718863307,0.0,0.0,0.08980860406954465,0.0,0.1132601306480766,0.06480620431084914,0.0,0.09583989358267872,0.0,0.11376142793125082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743475633505853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474008836316546,0.0,0.08770689012879447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203143927189082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281737218740352
suicidewatch,ITriedIPromise,2018/03/20,"I'm probably gonna kill myself one of these days, and there's a reason I'm not gonna tell anyone. There's no safe space to talk to live people about suicide. I know I can PM people over the internet, but that's... not the same.

This whole bullshit about ""let me help you by calling the police"" is ridiculous. I can't try to hash out any options I may have left with another human, let alone seek comfort, because the moment I mention being suicidal, they call the cops. Every. Single. Time.

It's completely ridiculous. I tried calling the suicide hotline once. I lied and told them I wasn't immediately suicidal, and they told me ""too bad, we have other people to help"" and hung up on me. So I called them back, and told the truth, and instead of talking to me, all they cared about was ""convincing me to go get help."" Like... I'm sitting here with a gun in my hand, I want YOUR help. I don't want the cops to handcuff me and lock me in a psych ward.

After a moderate amount of them refusing to talk about anything else, the cops showed up. They traced my fucking phone and sent the cops to my house. And I had to make up this whole big story to avoid getting dragged to the hospital and charged $2000 to be looked at for 20 minutes.

I'm going to bed now. I won't be responding to messages tonight. I'm not immediately a danger to myself, I have a plan but not a date, if that makes sense. I would try to live... but I'm alone.",2.709367182846933,4.079224126712333,3.9496605122096495,89.3578171530673,74.85616438356166,6.8590827873734375,25.36688505062537,7.423996415210882,1.0649733174508635,1103,37,240,13,23,361,161,292,0.197,0.6890000000000001,0.114,-0.9832,1,3,0,1,0,3,51.0,1,2,7,1,12,13,5,1,18,0,18,2,1,3,2,37,42,15,5,4,8,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,14,0,3,2,1,0,3,9,7,0,1,7,2,37,6,38,25,6,24,0,0,1,1,32,12,1,3,9,151,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000178745520336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566007621084481,0.10124535744608457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751284830179599,0.0,0.07945576980295889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424411722389819,0.08061861247473745,0.058858462765657926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943699892182346,0.0,0.09844330580418258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123510172394867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226938518413925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065853302684102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135096538240141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926267864246475,0.10089102926486723,0.0,0.10974780218066256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25887262205298844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141042916224776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682276892475644,0.0,0.05306358985016225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490627578292888,0.19746614950134947,0.0,0.047171439765392745,0.0,0.17051801937211153,0.0,0.08108109811032492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890117830797612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282692965561348,0.06542753431006694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081529729415096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041016143159816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992736614354318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224579096371032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23281950378737384,0.08439250992766248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563014526526654,0.0,0.0,0.2767846448687294,0.0,0.19666161956677275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390018012137985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155983342410369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858923858140306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scempios,2018/03/20,"Whats the fastest way to kill myself I'm fucking done with everything give me the fastest way out. I literally am contemplating on either over dosing, putting a plastic bag over my head while i sleep or jumping off a bridge tonight. I'm 22 and life is not worth living anymore. I dont see myself living past 25 and i have not been seeing it for a couple years now.",4.4281081081081135,5.242714783783787,5.171189189189189,84.34813513513515,70.08108108108108,7.541621621621622,29.664864864864867,7.554174236665415,1.70483027027027,290,11,59,3,5,94,58,74,0.094,0.906,0.0,-0.7481,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,5,0,6,5,2,0,0,8,12,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,2,2,8,0,8,10,1,16,0,0,2,1,1,5,1,1,7,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385971311500185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386046571259704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206774544597009,0.25273175612445153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380584433238876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935829421065995,0.0,0.2068642237935728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131172622937287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385768085786285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523148872856432,0.0,0.0,0.3808330871445801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058554535379635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21678057541125476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436787852106356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579853511930444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423344353303239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886689337431082
suicidewatch,ninjamonster11,2018/03/20,My boss is giving me two weeks to be better or he will let me go. Today i was depressed and was dreading working with a co-worker there because we dont liie each other. And i make to many mistakes and cost people momey. I never thought i was that bad. And my boss is a family member and its technically a family owned business. So tomorrow i will have anxiety and probably mess up and blow it and get fired. Ive been depressed for weeks and just ready to kill myself. ,3.600766917293232,4.7957666105263215,5.3533834586466185,80.85368421052634,72.36842105263158,7.954887218045112,26.203007518797,8.418075326091056,1.810669172932331,368,12,71,6,7,126,68,95,0.263,0.665,0.07200000000000001,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,2,3,8,1,1,3,0,13,0,0,3,1,20,18,11,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,7,0,1,5,1,12,1,6,9,2,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,54,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298164720039922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697221227150771,0.12190395539195957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686316225205526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444793202828279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343712322526589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37704051755617984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447958503368657,0.1918358966160754,0.11365138123521586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212446171028292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044897500642824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348601672617008,0.2027450114767558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542343784292844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386386816388999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560873239813616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875918196639474,0.0,0.0,0.18955455255569906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534820248834944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208185326350881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29117087490034194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guxxi12,2018/03/20,"Im done Im a failure i fail at everything im currently failing the same classes i failed last year .. my mom wants me to be someone else... i wish i was never born... only if i wasnt such a pussy i would already been dead... wich i hope i get enough balls to do it
Noone likes me anyway... nibody would even notice
",-0.5817537313432837,1.4652623731343295,1.941921641791048,96.05676305970152,89.44776119402985,4.544029850746268,18.82276119402985,5.985473137389443,-0.2263417910447761,237,7,55,2,8,81,50,67,0.195,0.6829999999999999,0.122,-0.7184,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,12,1,1,6,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,11,2,3,5,2,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,33,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396214333710584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984165154183293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196999374403565,0.0,0.0,0.200339925677866,0.0,0.12806234098530614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742555912396664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129938374543647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257625488685606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6283025545481435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804601169329996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472473050254096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270813136264875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149539716129323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074474776162192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474618800538002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428214280186998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436118888726428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229636258650922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754674087673057,0.0,0.0,0.12485863205990134
suicidewatch,Cuzah,2018/03/20,"Why won’t anyone let me try to kill myself? This is again another time I tried killing myself. But the personality that I lead being a well put together guy at work and in the friend circle just wouldn’t let me kill myself when I am trying to rid the burden of me being an existence in my family’s life.

I know I have done wrong in the past, and nowadays I try to study to have a better career so I can finally make my peoples proud and not burden them any longer of these expectations or letting my closest of peers down. Yet people always try to try to stop me. 

I know if one day I die I can let my family forget about worrying of me. Let my friends and closest of brothers and sisters that grew up protecting each other in a racial environment forget the pain that I carry for them. 

I know I would lift so much weight off their shoulders. 

I don’t know what to do. I try to let all my fallen brothers and sisters be proud when I can move on from all the horrible habits of doing dirt for a living to being able to live a better and normal life with a career job or even a passion and will to live without the get back game of violence and vengeance for the rest of our lives. We can grow to be better, but even then its not enough in the eyes of the people who lives in our family.",5.936127819548871,4.945616071428573,6.769624060150377,80.36879699248122,66.85714285714286,9.705263157894738,28.774436090225574,8.841846274778883,1.9695067669172936,1009,26,213,14,14,337,142,266,0.126,0.807,0.067,-0.9144,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,3,0,3,7,12,16,3,0,18,0,27,7,2,2,2,36,33,19,4,5,9,4,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,9,12,1,2,4,1,0,6,6,7,1,1,1,2,36,9,39,17,6,30,0,0,1,1,16,13,0,3,11,164,45,5,0.08216329172432976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836644067871063,0.0,0.0,0.05587385587187112,0.08615537532233725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745048396533858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317849969868346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800026380327012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052988525962660585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527252489902107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840815739195748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489664398354571,0.0,0.10853615856692052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323687172759843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000586997403205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269583107427195,0.0,0.04292692876115528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135457650140976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153438903250364,0.0,0.2727045263656072,0.0,0.1806191855039214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041051951287309,0.11606872560421205,0.0,0.0,0.362758459469343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548446352344064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732657615452914,0.06039947324689464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050258097121585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567597287510896,0.0,0.0874275353374785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784341589211176,0.1708850434752789,0.07174181714778502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259680183640122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869219091020372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791007614414597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904843721849253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005275440056872,0.07387466667482757,0.0,0.07413959109869753,0.0,0.0,0.07920248121835127,0.0,0.05981585493539361,0.08344081104714722,0.0,0.058366445060959636,0.08983266129093495,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flippityflop42,2018/03/20,"Girlfriend just broke up with me so she could kill herself I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a girl for the past four months. She’s been suicidal since before we got together four months ago and I thought I might be able to help her get through that part of her life, but with her parents, the stresses of life and her own inability to forgive herself, it’s been quite difficult. About an hour or so ago she broke up with me. At the time she was super calm about it and explained that it was because she lost interest in relationships and wanted to be on her own. I understood so I didn’t object to it, despite my own feelings. She even made me promise not to take her back if she changed her mind because she was never really good at letting go.  It was only later that she told me that she lied about not being in love with me anymore and that she really broke up so I couldn’t stop her from committing suicide. Now she seems set on ending her life and anything I’m saying isn’t working on her. It got to the point where I’m speechless half the time. I don’t know what to do to help. I’m fine if we don’t get back together, but I just don’t want her to die. 
I think I need help. ",4.172419354838709,4.5768712419354864,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,70.45161290322581,8.135483870967743,28.403225806451612,8.07648339933343,1.5970435483870968,940,32,207,12,16,304,125,248,0.194,0.695,0.112,-0.9808,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,2,0,0,4,14,15,1,1,8,0,20,4,0,1,2,41,43,15,4,7,9,1,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,12,13,0,1,8,0,0,1,9,7,0,3,15,2,42,8,33,21,4,31,0,4,0,1,40,13,0,5,16,147,54,1,0.12137482309619058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215182914674016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037121012354415,0.0,0.0,0.09988113760300332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665949388051947,0.0,0.1479779311981193,0.0,0.1032810347767255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839846910855862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690791988306514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596790376059655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750206730708783,0.0,0.0,0.08016692594181439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137075746281605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682667101335635,0.0,0.06898010904946099,0.10180344302360712,0.1941490676622523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440649563497332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952975165348526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342832585797954,0.0,0.06670442854781851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241139800117136,0.2571918810984037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741289899718844,0.0,0.0,0.1324949572351148,0.0,0.10954551663379196,0.11484779233406313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875950660081212,0.12255397125445537,0.0,0.19376045162404346,0.0,0.0,0.08999789339102619,0.09361174609227936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923110223236519,0.0,0.0,0.13477237730641908,0.1314371055230086,0.11586600249281585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147384396357728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290970646850856,0.0,0.0,0.15551163931078013,0.0,0.0,0.26062227349159234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652213095477402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049508042722032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040250791798268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014747869132277,0.13903444977396542,0.0,0.0,0.26552871307257353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912587616852256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777208573948442,0.0,0.09635805183907258,0.1415492708357206,0.0,0.0,0.1159788448721839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318003075072785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836231678119298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neurostarr,2018/03/20,"Therapist recommendation nyc I’ll preface this by saying I have PTSD from not only an abusive psychiatrist, but from a forced stay in a psych ward. It was not a place to get better; it was a place to just keep people from dying. That was the objective. I witnessed verbal abuse, was treated poorly, ate poorly, and came out worse. I also heard horror stories about other public wards from fellow patients who’d been “in the system” for years. After this involuntary stay, the only follow up was me being plagued with bills for thousands of dollars that resulted in countless hours on the phone, an issue that haunted me for a year. The added stress and fear REALLY aided me in recovery. I also almost lost my job. I am still recovering from the experience, years later. 

Barring hitting powerball and affording an upscale private facility, will never stay in one again. I am VERY firm on this and nothing will change my mind.

I am aware that this may be asking for a pig that can fly, but while insured facilities are substandard, I am seeking an NYC-based therapist who will NOT commit, even if a method and date is in place. If I am seeing the therapist, there is a chance I’m not following through. But I am looking for someone who also won’t force me out of it, if in the end that is looking to be like my choice. I will say that while I might still die even with someone to talk to, I have even less of a chance at life if I speak to no one. 

I don’t see one now because I don’t trust them enough to be honest- I don’t trust that they won’t toss me into a ward to cover their own asses, if I am upfront and check off the date/place/method risk boxes. I am not insisting that a therapist agree with wherever I’m at, just to respect it, instead of compounding the PTSD I have from the last stay with a new one, piling more debt on me, and causing me to backslide in life even more. I cannot become even more dysfunctional from trauma. 

Feel free to PM me with recommendations. Thank you.  ",6.308409672169262,6.068880539641943,6.793026040455711,78.0151191583353,65.8542199488491,9.462032085561498,31.32771448500349,8.97023862654752,2.4505130434782605,1565,53,304,23,22,512,199,391,0.131,0.7659999999999999,0.103,-0.9306,4,0,2,0,1,0,44.0,0,1,3,2,17,14,0,3,27,0,39,5,1,2,2,41,57,20,2,5,15,0,1,1,1,8,2,4,0,0,21,16,2,1,1,1,7,3,13,5,0,5,10,9,36,10,54,33,6,46,0,1,4,1,16,21,1,8,18,227,57,2,0.0,0.19595475249717084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280483532249445,0.0,0.0,0.19838806567071415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730655027805079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504087274802759,0.09132763576419477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313500959503491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457846628082997,0.0,0.08494822392749378,0.08747795547313633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164401963230674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324122415516159,0.08544370677357511,0.0,0.2730888781869753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808893683400923,0.0,0.09305232374705567,0.041811934565557984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320354423514295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143569285096443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630973751455244,0.08205978589455283,0.07350110783826888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740562089240756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681665718177242,0.0403994963554049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888215173807195,0.0,0.09026889533728792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772393053725318,0.08349609551332778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377773982257791,0.07986516469614785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934591537136368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413896603952185,0.12578311184817464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573287347280036,0.0,0.34558525700624965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332677844813226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297508745093002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315211736160978,0.0,0.0,0.13179081686647126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013058246081198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525578377969165,0.13207705980587306,0.0,0.09472425560055407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664652929929982,0.0,0.0761323659330448,0.0,0.3840505840819734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823017173523667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427096787289343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975424234253746
suicidewatch,RedLastTime,2018/03/20,Ready to go I think I will be at peace with myself when I do go. Let life take it’s due course.  ,-2.8523188405797093,-1.253524347826085,-0.28695652173912833,110.77507246376813,96.82608695652172,3.066666666666667,7.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.720959420289855,72,0,22,0,3,24,20,23,0.0,0.7390000000000001,0.261,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821380844120138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523712382949143,0.3617496672883681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850762302735503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281677402151347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beginagain_,2018/03/20,"Thought things got better. I think this is it. I've been a long time lurker on the subreddit. I've struggled with mental illness for years now. My mom kicked me out last year,  forcing me to live with my abusive boyfriend. Everything he says about me is right. I'm just a ""stupid fuck."" I never should've been here in the first place. I can't keep living with the abuse any longer and I can't find refuge anywhere else, I have no friends and no family. Before I would at least have my car to stay in, but he totaled it. My only regret will be disappointing my best friend, my cat. His name is Charlie. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. I think he knows it's bad, he's been clinging to me all day in bed because I called in to work, too depressed to get up. I think tonight I will take a whole bunch of pills or slice down my wrists, bleeding out. So long Reddit. ",1.2063333333333333,3.257243411111112,2.142222222222223,97.515,81.55555555555556,4.888888888888889,20.0,5.82211442006289,-0.2736666666666667,674,18,154,4,18,211,117,180,0.162,0.735,0.103,-0.8151,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,5,7,12,2,1,7,0,14,5,1,0,4,24,26,5,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,0,6,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,5,1,23,5,23,17,7,26,0,3,0,1,12,12,1,1,12,94,29,1,0.0,0.3281295319290481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416461163516404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561698938441985,0.08441026279003204,0.0,0.11782810066533267,0.0,0.29063225680548305,0.12246580478517215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139374722948211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930194436259954,0.0,0.1192643415765777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156742403579494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525439278473088,0.0,0.0,0.12444825537641292,0.0,0.13053755748562848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655942528109926,0.11778284059875405,0.0,0.0,0.2139637552911972,0.12801364166698698,0.07234506214774279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074741813946044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224489060789164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230788424566833,0.0,0.0,0.07609970348135041,0.11287184694911595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445437775523055,0.24508387049290165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954558169607034,0.0,0.0,0.16217484390806475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067968990227846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531296916597252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467208268485054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825295406345887,0.0,0.11011720968092448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759100866396407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447593138262121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041124983080004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398714475514685,0.2661786987497315,0.0,0.10993002012958293,0.08074319631475188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459724222527144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080809104231282,0.0,0.0,0.09836539014407472,0.0,0.0,0.1783407788295187
suicidewatch,Kenneth_BOI,2018/03/20,"give me a reason to live. I Can't take school anymore. I hate sex, i gave my virginity away for free and to a guy! I'm a lesbian and i wanted him to feel better about himself. Then i did that with every sad boy with a hard on for me. Now I make noises that are really just me crying and hopefully they won't look at my tear filled face. One of these boy's manipulated and sexually assaulted me and I haven't been the same since. Everyday is the same, i wake up, i go to school and i have to see my rapist everyday and I have an attack. school just doesn't seem worth it anymore. I'm not worth anything i have, i wanna give it all away to people more deserving.",0.11263297872340415,2.234423539007093,2.659640957446808,91.69031250000003,86.65957446808511,6.078191489361703,18.03235815602837,7.413659706084162,0.29277624113475165,513,13,118,9,16,177,86,141,0.205,0.732,0.063,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,4,8,4,0,7,0,11,6,2,3,1,23,26,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,9,0,0,3,0,3,2,5,5,0,1,3,4,23,4,18,22,4,11,0,1,2,4,9,5,0,2,4,81,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271590622951753,0.0,0.0,0.13573436407939893,0.0,0.0,0.18764692945798336,0.3099395077361072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587903328227522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118257971177076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897192841764214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340033901492011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164574780960796,0.093741135319975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331989832578175,0.0,0.0,0.14775688817954552,0.1628474591239104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638260133947516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456480440687284,0.0,0.13851091391042655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010100028045287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176991658231064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435098522206152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105666965632152,0.16958928644436955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007945800051234,0.13143853447492682,0.15015827648362526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644288492579618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401690931126368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728789083312588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FadingShad0ws,2018/03/20,Everything just seems worthless to me I am a 19 year old college student. I was just rejected to the program of my dreams. My band and I are getting nowhere fast and I can't see the good in anything anymore. I feel like I'm ready to die and I plan to end it this Friday. So I can have enough time to say goodbye to everyone I love. I don't know how to continue my life when there is nothing left for me.,0.4026436781609206,2.3599740919540224,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,83.9425287356322,5.705747126436782,25.75862068965517,6.937597516519254,0.9742551724137928,314,14,73,4,9,105,64,87,0.138,0.73,0.132,-0.1546,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,1,0,9,15,6,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,14,3,10,14,1,9,0,2,1,1,3,2,0,1,8,47,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823881416394514,0.0,0.0,0.2059826027375436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597807484044903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169907306817369,0.25863563600575706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391805390144847,0.2249611779346369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656351997521967,0.17882047271530513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307758823077511,0.0,0.0,0.20994692956936525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756302877738766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27196096372683465,0.0,0.17680032601077447,0.12228811025113275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259132322275317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401777973059368,0.0,0.2626567088355916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905539957767307,0.0,0.0,0.19946350074853988,0.2278714960832472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595692401017712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119049462734816
suicidewatch,andaonetwothreefour,2018/03/20,"It's never ending I keep thinking I've gotten better but I haven't. It's bone-achingly exhausting.

I'm becoming a shell of myself. Most of my friends are drifting apart from me--no one cares whether I'm active in the group chats or present at the events. At the last party I went outside and sat by myself for a good twenty minutes until the one friend I do have found me. Rarely do individuals reach out to me beyond the required platitudes for saving face. My best friend and I have been driven apart by college, even though we're in the same city, and it hurts like no other. I used to be so close with all of these people and I cannot figure out where I went wrong, why everyone is insistent on pushing me away, why it's easier to be rude and condescending and dismissive of me than it is of anyone else.

I have potential. I know I do. I'm going to college--my dream college, actually (if my dad doesn't try to stop me, but that's an issue of its own), I write and am decent at it, I am creative, I am compassionate. I'm interested in medicine and research the pre-medical and medical school processes day in day out between listening to and analyzing music and writing. I want to be a psychiatrist, maybe. Or a pediatric oncologist. 

Physically I have a lot of work to do for myself, but I know the base is there. I remember before I stopped caring I used to be somewhat pretty. Socially I know I'm capable of doing it; there was a period of my life where I was friends with everyone and then I blinked and suddenly I could die and no one would notice.

I don't know what's made me so horribly introverted, so un-funny, so repulsively un-charismatic over the past six months. I genuinely thought I had gotten better. I try to tell myself that this is life, that with every downturn of the cycle comes the upward swing, but it's so, so hard. I love and love and forgive but rarely do I feel it back. I try day after day but rarely do I see the results.

Where do I go from here?",3.9994321428571418,4.9566079075000005,5.645928571428572,80.02850000000002,71.175,9.014285714285714,28.535714285714285,9.330973305703688,2.3912214285714293,1553,57,314,33,28,531,203,400,0.081,0.691,0.227,0.9967,0,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,0,6,17,21,1,0,19,0,34,8,1,4,2,65,67,35,1,4,10,1,2,1,4,1,5,1,0,0,17,24,0,4,11,2,0,8,7,4,0,4,13,4,47,17,48,48,7,47,0,1,1,2,16,20,0,6,20,221,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.09886616664078056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083989881799499,0.1038063990159834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518621804429543,0.07790288640262262,0.0,0.0,0.1118914488422742,0.08620928464433457,0.0,0.10632098290769168,0.1792049496564395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658923443144725,0.0,0.0,0.0872715547392299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088960831531286,0.0,0.0,0.26135214596098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514614706198347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463340626494241,0.0,0.08973260521998205,0.0,0.0,0.06691580262068207,0.0,0.08535996186495104,0.19361644220397348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051226530702252415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110836810748684,0.31309445165140704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151562020790737,0.08497593015376345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075589929490188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845688655904168,0.0,0.0,0.10574369410628978,0.0,0.09005100568650044,0.0,0.0,0.22271430878469287,0.0825830266890743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311971301576396,0.04949606044084905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613207386418266,0.18287656868289692,0.09586412492385156,0.0,0.0,0.1017817982659445,0.0,0.11253509911810633,0.10206145920575416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086649191200894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813827274648022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534469741158175,0.0,0.0,0.20595546005038304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671403090701128,0.07023717558585463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307100683775944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476705875399497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253343184278356,0.08073276681206726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327510655076788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940319794698705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855139450712837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491681547723717,0.09953879651397596,0.08043063023841948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635315472421856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500255519251207,0.0,0.0,0.05975660513596868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878349892115012,0.18283714145934624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375654335465055,0.0,0.0,0.0719693338872307,0.11076906924301043,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wtf29384756,2018/03/20,"who's committed their spouse? I've done this to my wife twice now in my life...
and feeling a bit guilty :(

She's done it three time voluntarily, so it's not totally foreign, but involuntarily always seems so much worse.  The times she signed up, she's been mostly having addiction issues, but the times I committed here, she was suicidal and despondent/acting unusual.

I just spoke to her on the phone and she seems scared, but actually much more lucid.  

I would love some perspective from the ""other side"", someone who has been committed by a spouse and felt it was the right or wrong thing to do for them.",5.4439473684210515,6.777007736842108,5.907850877192985,78.0870394736842,68.12280701754386,9.910526315789477,27.407894736842106,10.125756701596842,2.6120736842105257,478,15,92,12,8,154,78,114,0.174,0.716,0.11,-0.8853,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,7,0,10,3,0,0,4,22,16,10,1,1,6,3,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,8,3,13,1,9,7,7,9,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,5,4,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.18725954872128986,0.20919131645893044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967005970164888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949707758452846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927456159562148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702669121090696,0.0,0.1842470399038621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002860747136338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553945592848407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319061154501988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821263591767754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638752773894976,0.0,0.0,0.19211802184450585,0.0,0.0,0.3493837290645132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625900223811887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989941721455768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274849521588747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356824478049136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955550075069428,0.13631503519764926,0.209804492512482,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway197345682,2018/03/20,"Opinions? I'm looking for serious replies about my situation. I'm in my late 20's and contemplating suicide. I lost my job around 4months ago and had to move back in with my parents which is really driving me towards suicide faster. I job search online and in person but most of my in person searches just end up with the manager telling me to apply online. It's been almost 5 months without a SINGLE interest from any potential employer. I'm not really picky and have even applied for janitorial and dish washing jobs but still no calls, e-mails, etc. I know some people will wonder wth I'm doing with my life, yes I've been to college and have an A.S. in IT but never obtained any work as my interview is usually about my age and that I have no ""real world"" experience. 

I don't really know what to do anymore as my finances are literally non existant, I have no job, no future, and my student loans are going in collection! I've thought about even moving to a different state but honestly, I don't know what I would do if I was unable to find a job in an unfamiliar state. I can only think of one possible solution (Should be obvious!) anyone have some suggestions?",5.862725563909772,6.288669495614037,7.167568922305765,72.6813157894737,66.76315789473685,10.724812030075187,34.26817042606516,10.608840637214634,3.7789802005012527,927,41,170,24,14,317,137,228,0.124,0.831,0.046,-0.9409,8,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,6,1,23,3,0,0,2,37,36,15,2,3,8,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,6,12,1,0,7,0,2,4,9,2,0,1,6,1,22,2,30,26,5,28,0,1,1,0,7,11,0,7,11,117,28,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156231063127408,0.0,0.11472860212022995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582753524428342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362591915951943,0.08011230990965915,0.0,0.0,0.10199452105961387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809978956037864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699214145909352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970470472911098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147792978719224,0.0,0.12777950695150536,0.15134915794204662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112074664721012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471791345509114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511464233369721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5684815680932751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888994552263093,0.0,0.1292436641301909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809265046577665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621270947706456,0.0,0.12507028287236988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914513087886588,0.2435465552026307,0.0,0.0,0.08836598621003887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763782801522688,0.08713815163372085,0.0,0.0,0.12722008221931247,0.0,0.0,0.079430694729956,0.20008195900640333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291641720692221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040948987729964,0.220195754514993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878518093257654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149837919888608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506491714684037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100142107457182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341393941318697,0.0,0.0909583960932009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618629463116193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044456518080303,0.12424984808612365,0.0834107213263269,0.0,0.0,0.08138957955288545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gothicslug,2018/03/20,"killing myself soon i really should, i’m disgusting i don’t deserve to live. i’m so confused i’ve been feeling like this for about four? five years now. why haven’t i done it yet",-1.454473684210523,-0.057630263157893324,0.5467105263157919,99.60322368421056,114.78947368421049,4.0052631578947375,17.907894736842106,5.985473137389443,-0.10948421052631607,142,5,32,2,8,46,31,38,0.276,0.624,0.1,-0.8424,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,4,1,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288208781303873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187796495625613,0.2993604939152516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636029394426223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472056990378693,0.0,0.37001781457531696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26844617067129395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781161921348117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26984642951319426
suicidewatch,guesswho100100,2018/03/20,Think I’m really gonna do it tonight Goodbye reddit and everyone who cared,1.7880000000000005,4.557609466666668,3.855,80.7825,87.66666666666666,8.333333333333334,27.5,8.841846274778883,3.155000000000001,62,3,11,2,2,21,15,15,0.0,0.8109999999999999,0.189,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6122057944104731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.57376226857429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846680446722568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847485150832277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aliciat,2018/03/20,"Can’t bring myself to go to doctors appointments to get antidepressants, even when the result may be my suicide If it were easy to get back on my antidepressants, I think I would. I’ve been hurting pretty severely the past couple of weeks. 

My doctor requires in person meetings, though. So do most, it seems.

The reason I went off my pills months ago was simply because I ran out, and I couldn’t bear to go in for an appointment just to get more. I was required to go in after two weeks, then after four, and I hated it. Nothing was as hard as dragging myself to that first appointment and talking to this stranger about how I want to die, felt nothing, etc., but the follow ups were still just awful. I’m sure the anxiety is a factor. 

So when the prescription ran out, I tried to refill it by having the pharmacy fax the doctors office (you can do this birth control) but no dice. So I stopped.

I just don’t think I can do that again. I think they helped, but I can’t. 

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suicidewatch,dreamingofsanity,2018/03/20,"Not sure how to start this... I am sorry, I just need a place to say what's inside of me. I am a woman who's been of adult age for a while. I cannot remember a time that I didn't pray I would die in my sleep.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family with a mother who I feel is a narcissist with a personality disorder and a father whose feelings seemed to come and go for me. The first time I wanted to die, I remember I was in about 2nd or 3rd grade and had a bad day at school of kids chasing me around the playground and trying to jump me. I was the fat nerd who never fit in and these kids' mom hated my mom due to personal adult reasons (a man). So, since their mom hated my mom, they had to hate me. I remember running into the school gym trying to get away and a teacher saw me and grabbed me. I had to go to the principal's office and got sent home. On the way home, my mom yelled at me for how it made her look like a bad parent, how I needed to try to beat them up instead of running like a coward, etc. It had been a very stressful time in my life with different changes, my grandparents did not like my mom's boyfriend and that caused them to fight every single day and they always put me in the middle.

I ran to my room and cried on my bed. I realized the only way this would end is if I died. But, I was too scared to do anything. However, these thoughts have carried with me everyday of my life since then.

My mom always blamed everything on me. She lied to men about having kids because kids would keep her from happiness. She would yell and scream and cry because my dad was too drunk or high to pick me up for the weekend and talk about how she needed a break from me. How it wasn't fair she had to deal with me all the time but he didn't have to. I remember thinking that if I just died she would have a break forever.

I have tried a few times to kill myself. I always chicken out. She still tries to run my life. The only way it will end is if I die. My brother is disabled and in her care and she only wants him around for his govt money. He won't leave her. It is all so hopeless and I don't see a point of living anymore. I don't see the point of living at all. I can't be myself and can't live the life I want because she feeds on my insecurities. I would just be free if I could actual just finally kill myself instead of ending up on the bathroom floor crying",2.501009538950715,3.323893519607843,4.061361950185482,90.4950476947536,74.58823529411767,7.2390037095919455,22.99947005829359,7.534196372845213,0.702570217276099,1845,47,430,22,37,617,221,510,0.147,0.799,0.053,-0.9918,4,0,0,0,1,4,44.0,0,0,5,2,21,21,6,3,33,0,44,8,2,9,5,80,73,35,7,17,14,12,3,3,0,8,5,4,4,11,17,28,3,1,11,3,2,11,12,14,0,1,21,11,81,8,68,41,6,69,1,1,4,0,53,32,0,7,24,297,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.05621476774436093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379745198279376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712928815840256,0.0,0.0,0.047404510479328775,0.10256241581663406,0.0,0.0,0.05412236887130432,0.0,0.096196559906599,0.10534753946344286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873276079492916,0.059176831869393126,0.06093909941814098,0.04962213411368852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045993393886701005,0.0,0.18983117997136656,0.07430170848065874,0.05938885666786418,0.0,0.0,0.29892765326787396,0.06018560396228875,0.06602102223470134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306442232757825,0.0,0.06424548489788452,0.0,0.0,0.048535212742095296,0.0,0.051772209764882865,0.0,0.05430544436239899,0.0,0.05825425671128779,0.0,0.0,0.06310413236510057,0.0,0.048999304262952376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03009655476195865,0.0,0.06547719380805472,0.0,0.046072470405415206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061322245300678126,0.0,0.17062084760029753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086349199908483,0.11556625171251622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051202514892740685,0.12746414971454867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060996025668102125,0.0,0.0,0.1627541898342837,0.08442957696699507,0.0,0.1526004327241185,0.0,0.04837420585790169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450782305731534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722689770459224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281414944630386,0.04442899935979792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143499153440344,0.0,0.0,0.06396421512277699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059799714647122,0.06018560396228875,0.0,0.10891184651329552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057909550982864086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059228163486523974,0.0,0.0,0.26102371607065344,0.0,0.0,0.0458102948979142,0.05767326713773663,0.11659990981579807,0.0918084293121164,0.05244198578159708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530391529312712,0.0,0.05764721422946247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448476655573418,0.04077354877090255,0.0,0.046003916271440064,0.0,0.06598703408339507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429260771252933,0.0,0.0,0.0463012089805872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691135025003748,0.0,0.04573242143405135,0.16795147846993233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555214657483727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506132593524706,0.10193184765973376,0.13717396080120942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455282444935966,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PortableChargerss,2018/03/20,"Breathe Hey guys I'm new here and stumbled across this, thread I guess you call it, anyway I just wanted a place to post my thoughts where I can be anonymous and I figured here would be a good place. I'm afraid to let anyone in or know my constant thoughts and bouts of depression. I don't want to be sent to like some ward or be told to go seek help. I've been doing a lot of thinking and honestly I feel like I'm ready.  I've struggled with depression for a few years now and although it gets easy sometimes it never goes away. I'm failing out of college because it's not what I want to do but what my family wants me to do. I want to be a chef. But I feel like anything that's not medical or engineering is wanted by my family. All I want to do is sleep and the only thing stopping me is honestly I'm afraid I might fail at my attempt. I was thinking of a gun but I want it to be as clean as possible so there isn't much work into leaning wherever I decide to off myself. I ruled it down to overdose I guess thatd be the easiest way out for me. 

I've noticed a change in my thinking lately. Before i would be afraid and knew it'd be a selfish way to go. But recently I've  felt only contentedness when I think I can just not wake up the next day and just putting it all to an end. I don't know, I just don't want to have to go through another day it's been taking a big toll and I hate the feeling of being a burden and disappointment to everyone. I'm tired, I'm really tired. I wish I was old and already on my deathbed. I'm sorry I feel like this has been all over the place haha ",1.0222552594670375,2.622877179710148,3.183945769050961,92.05729312762976,80.10144927536231,6.422627395979428,23.302945301542767,7.359569317364363,0.7884698457223003,1237,42,288,17,31,422,165,345,0.15,0.725,0.125,-0.7868,0,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,4,12,21,1,4,16,1,36,6,3,0,4,67,78,23,0,12,14,0,5,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,16,15,0,1,16,0,0,5,8,12,0,0,11,5,37,9,42,51,7,40,0,5,0,0,7,18,0,8,18,187,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744254214402903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259148090326216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174223452753811,0.0,0.07266434311600305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296186042529144,0.0,0.0,0.05382757657864877,0.0,0.07513779606937677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016537213808816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341093462469012,0.0,0.0,0.0954222003960787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138939055493073,0.0,0.1521073449394227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820863169911471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437555658894151,0.0,0.0,0.16648497800381665,0.0,0.17859090853738846,0.1892471307701724,0.08478297528519735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046133719338504284,0.0,0.15055077762746535,0.07406283600473748,0.0,0.0,0.1945473984181698,0.08743204574689226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717912907027123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591864161622446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705603279412084,0.0,0.0996075713073714,0.0,0.0,0.09029393382472567,0.0,0.17255797497846276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507050113847294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895414386029173,0.0,0.09367359234810456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649115235443353,0.0,0.06810330960360436,0.08528182486515656,0.0939093011590474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053147277060673,0.09265722910040136,0.0,0.0,0.13431404488354895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767678011694688,0.0,0.0,0.09954630709620403,0.08456811676305519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876706962615788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656799366025068,0.0,0.08718675738585345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836494485641838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733211973635517,0.09884593586942518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382373600102404,0.0,0.09231156014566083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639149423581846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866337691916361,0.22631930947695475,0.0,0.14020253891488396,0.0,0.20297842161929106,0.0,0.08437555658894151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687408863355858,0.14017872495609504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154199322874782,0.0,0.0,0.0642843069192325,0.0,0.0,0.12545324219258566,0.0,0.0,0.05686306150604354
suicidewatch,NewLucidDreamer,2018/03/20,"Dealing with heartbreak, and Jobless. 6 months ago I finally confessed to my first love how I truly felt about her. I was so confident that she'll respond positively but she didn't and I wasn't prepared for it. I am currently still suffering from the pain. I'm 20 years old, and jobless. I was declared disabled recently and can't work so I'm waiting to get approved for SSI or whatever it is. That kills me even more, I don't want to just get money to pay bills and etc. Everything I do reminds me of her, like going on walks, showering, going to the gym, etc. I just can't deal with this anymore, Everytime I see her ( I used to see her at  corner store every day before what happened.) We live right down the street from each other, It hurts even more, even just the thought of her destroys my motivation to do anything. I now got no more friends as well, she was my only friend and I rarely talk to the other employees. I just can't get over her",2.485133969818296,4.407916848167543,3.8043301509085294,87.79871573760396,76.85340314136127,7.007206652294426,26.942100400369572,7.928766900206844,1.6369966738527864,742,30,153,12,17,243,115,191,0.146,0.6970000000000001,0.157,0.034,5,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,4,14,11,2,0,5,0,14,2,0,3,0,24,31,12,1,1,6,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,9,10,0,1,4,1,4,3,7,6,1,1,8,3,29,5,22,22,6,21,1,3,2,1,18,7,0,1,12,107,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167886016093364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473197234945206,0.0,0.0,0.12224236641710495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264034271144966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580118623385274,0.3062929794856422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33134062670919845,0.2943437060497853,0.0,0.12515811681545633,0.0,0.13350538529580955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262939822080276,0.162727099025142,0.0,0.12635487309814006,0.0,0.0,0.2295356692875235,0.0,0.23283063391455835,0.0,0.1688465303515429,0.0,0.1188074246963458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313605267962201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902373174525572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434637903544078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257306094350872,0.0,0.13117062647871056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407039111753571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856961530971713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587616243640698,0.0,0.0,0.11297746587626073,0.1580655706621202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667325246532792,0.0,0.0,0.12685920061199976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674708466917854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863064363732714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939727457428295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793053786560115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282977977452751,0.0,0.0,0.0876174731419786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356251323288548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814473047317494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566005694324232
suicidewatch,benial1,2018/03/20,"I need help I am not the one who is depressed, and the one who is isnt suicidal(to my knowledge). But he is getting damn close. He refuses to get help and denies anything i do to try to help. How do i presuade him to contact help?",1.7086734693877546,3.0233696122448985,3.877295918367349,89.08288265306123,77.36734693877553,6.53265306122449,28.5765306122449,7.1686216300943375,1.4111591836734698,177,8,40,2,4,61,31,49,0.155,0.654,0.191,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,6,0,4,10,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,1,1,0,0,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323216912897416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431580202789741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949965070240111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7569208067973522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933344680375726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826087259748958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167376677127085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rotsicle,2018/03/20,"Is this real? First off, I'm not high or have done any illicit drugs. I'm 27F and majorly depressed, with PTSD, BPD, ADHD, GAD. Lots of letters, great. Currently on Wellbutrin XL 150mg and Adderall XR 25mg. I don't have any CYP2D6 enzyme activity. Now you know my life.

My chest has hurt all day, and I feel like something awful is going to happen. I was worried about a panic attack, so I took some (1mg) Lorazepam that has since worn off. It didn't help much.

I feel dissociated and like nothing is real, but that if I move too much to the sides I'm going to cause something awful to happen. I have to sit really still, inside (my skin) especially. Is this a delusion? I know it's not true, but I can't bring myself to move because ""what if?"". This includes looking at people and talking much. I need to minimize these things, or I'll cause something bad to happen. I don't know what the bad thing is, but I'll have caused it.

It's been similar to this all week. I can't live like this. It's too painful to feel in crisis every. Single. Day. It's exhausting. I've been chronically suicidal for most of my life (since grade 6), and I do honestly think that's the best plan. However, I don't want to do it out of panic like I'm feeling right now and failing. Currently, I'm torn between trying to avoid a doom that's not going to come by just doing it, or trying something harmful to see if I'm even real. I'm midway between crazy and sane. I don't know what to do, if anything. I want to hide somewhere quiet for a few days, like the woods (NOT a hospital, that's not good).

Also, I see a psychiatrist and therapist once per week, and I have no interest in going to the hospital because I don't want to lose 3 days min and/or have to deal with the hospital. I'm in Canada, but still. I have stuff to do (stuff I'm failing to do) but I can't just junk them.",1.114663402692777,3.0813399121447027,3.322410580715353,89.38174724602203,81.40310077519379,6.244226846185232,22.070515435876512,7.3759095455046575,0.7916242894056841,1434,46,311,21,38,490,180,387,0.21,0.7070000000000001,0.084,-0.9937,3,1,5,0,0,0,69.0,0,1,1,6,12,26,1,3,12,2,33,8,2,3,3,59,69,24,1,8,19,0,5,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,26,14,0,1,9,0,0,9,15,15,0,1,7,9,28,11,40,62,12,35,1,6,3,0,6,11,0,10,19,190,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996809754407647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652028147947071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313265704774375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845135487443996,0.0,0.0,0.09463105858670996,0.0,0.0,0.1389062937953614,0.10141344126744656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729393894698567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476429126027602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25635119597342504,0.0,0.07165356793050975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458095710974934,0.08575655907536298,0.07164417512751327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512363893491945,0.0,0.0,0.09646422730537386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494065074275925,0.0,0.07008407085575387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823642977306613,0.05942493916462895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075421158850671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890960410398947,0.06976876488478463,0.0,0.09170798837254378,0.0,0.0,0.220671596102951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575486136302588,0.08788590890615149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904760447789473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285768944170108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175072233949822,0.20319159774844467,0.0,0.07345086131235475,0.0,0.06985157949036007,0.09305891380237427,0.0,0.0707180068472945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768177162123817,0.1834441024181765,0.0616780894401418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981497183671353,0.0,0.0,0.08858567061851509,0.0,0.0,0.08851106852680889,0.1951913292014153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766763577349082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723481860976248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840365549823645,0.05328825174117778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103661696592196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256990340716626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376173292517835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561489843982971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285783848283947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044602190624607,0.09098715034728214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668582051580898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658022851242727,0.11052429456951456,0.0532993993464362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241779881442998,0.11294966868175725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718795757223024,0.0,0.13344649610542014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447493476761167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemonWolfDex,2018/03/20,"sent home from school I had a complete breakdown today. The weight of everything came down and I was stabbing at my arms and a bit at my neck trying to end my life then and there. Luckily I had a friend who was able to take it away and others who ran for help. I was having a panic attack too so (this was all during our lunch period btw) I crawled and huddled under the table. The teachers eventually got me out. My mom was called and we talked a bit of how to help make my situation a little easier. I was sent home because of all of this to sleep and calm down. On the car ride home which is a bit of a drive (like half an hour) I sorta cried myself to sleep. I am absolutely sick of this and feeling the way I do. I want it to stop, i'm trying to get better. Although I haven't been able to see her with some things going on involving the company, I have a therapist. I won't see her till next month and it's already been a month since I was able to see my old one. (she moved away) I honestly just needed a place to share this and get my feelings out. Writing seems to do a lot for me. Anyway if you are still here, thanks for reading. ",1.5064354870578924,3.0910466224066404,3.329697688203911,91.63065006915629,78.6265560165975,6.416202331555027,20.604821181584672,7.2636822038024595,0.38373606006718,880,22,201,11,21,295,139,241,0.061,0.8109999999999999,0.128,0.9187,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,2,1,0,1,8,9,1,1,19,0,20,8,4,2,2,31,40,16,0,3,2,1,3,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,12,15,2,1,3,1,0,9,2,2,0,2,16,6,31,7,34,23,7,35,0,0,3,0,19,13,0,5,13,143,43,2,0.32117427343630817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814126574706901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179403408578357,0.20116920153598825,0.0,0.0,0.06526161868498137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946841816346422,0.350639123184926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931828087165704,0.12244593566947372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224837170056844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759828606258485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482169222989563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962169091759507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826357523770218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271281564988643,0.0,0.11186686792745804,0.0,0.06084358035262991,0.0,0.0856241354317541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351756361415552,0.0,0.3221639832062147,0.0,0.1054306545680295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756182958599186,0.0523031756205979,0.10730033249742096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101696065828098,0.0,0.0,0.07146210715928045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538514244116689,0.17090549391703908,0.11378580815308377,0.0,0.07938221805619355,0.0,0.0,0.1138574944807348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233945754778676,0.0,0.07254533324532357,0.0,0.0,0.12560960300482832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185291909381144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708706258533078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834850379788567,0.25593431335537803,0.09746166535810104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855955930329275,0.12033778000565253,0.2142708144370169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549672988131927,0.08950535794157623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049436099753332,0.08604923837428463,0.0,0.09856470661855006,0.0,0.1243026953215054,0.07112463868177175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147855243184524,0.0,0.0,0.14537083282016552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314563593707455,0.08497772960728384,0.0,0.13036791339746426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacc6346,2018/03/20,"Purposely destroying my liver day by day It’s been at least 4 years (probably more because I can’t remember anything before then) since I’ve felt any real will to live and the urge to kill myself has become stronger and stronger.
I’ve been destroying my liver and am waiting until i destroy it enough for it to fail.
I have no one left to talk to anymore. I know people love me and all and I get that i’m needed somewhere and bullshit like that but I don’t know how to give a damn anymore. I can’t ever be happy in this horrible world. I don’t want help, i just wanted to say something before I die.",3.3747644444444447,4.365306832000002,4.836266666666667,85.12657777777778,72.68,7.475555555555558,27.488888888888887,7.793537801064563,1.6024222222222226,474,17,97,6,9,159,84,125,0.218,0.649,0.133,-0.9118,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,5,0,2,0,11,3,2,1,2,20,22,10,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,2,14,3,12,17,4,10,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,0,7,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851577081467846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456760930629121,0.0,0.0,0.14341685765993667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623892761316746,0.19247758414116795,0.29659737201670033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479121588456127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087420064397475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007690796143205,0.0,0.0,0.1576454323023346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733527583193966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091053641662063,0.1671844024147763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552335287820487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681561352025767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281401317631672,0.0,0.19155848168958475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935476251636654,0.0,0.0,0.08514396977368001,0.0,0.15389164671986946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729370072653598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922575148730436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809603504512345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208231908116701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879023567394696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836778127983853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742425749706155,0.0,0.0,0.1385937430067712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416548041340102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416857307854882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007894672274826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055886685185796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223003261863174
suicidewatch,UnforgettableGlass,2018/03/20,"Can somebody please help me? I’m just a normal 17-year-old teenager. I got bullied severely by people at my school for almost a year now. One kid choked me so I couldn’t breathe...... I got diagnosed with PSTD, panic disorder, adjustment disorder, and severe depression. Sometimes I’m all happy, and then I feel like I want to truly die. Help me reddit please ",1.6738805970149286,4.443454671641792,3.0498656716417902,85.1300223880597,91.8358208955224,6.2620895522388045,24.610447761194035,7.554174236665415,1.9095683582089555,281,12,49,6,10,91,52,67,0.329,0.441,0.231,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,11,8,4,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,9,2,5,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195637570360228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790528137493433,0.1742958349147021,0.17822198071053594,0.0,0.3936202362870305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086828609718838,0.12267937110294802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27468609351181444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280296084401695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302054128822525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838954747807962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682526634457038,0.0,0.0,0.18019502670268134,0.0,0.11636435270960185,0.0,0.0,0.20148063967586927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905151926342565,0.0,0.0,0.3770018809715661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379344676602654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38799756799795576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983902713993548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012870259676905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116873094434766
suicidewatch,pseudophobe1,2018/03/20,"Worthless piece of shit Sometimes I feel like I was gifted, to see things a certain way and seeing them in that way lends itself to writing and creating. But this gift comes with a curse. Whatever gifts I have came at the price of neurosis. And because of that, I destroy more than I create. And I destroy in ways that are more significant than anything productive I do. Because ultimately my productive side is self-serving; my destructive side is self destructive but even worse than that I find myself hurting those I love and those who love me because of it. It makes being a social creature impossible, because I push everyone away. And really, nothing I make really matters, nobody's ever going to give a fuck and I don't want them to. Because it's not about anyone else, it's about me. And I fucking hate me. So that leaves me inescapably abject. Just a worthless piece of shit. 

I'm waiting for the day I have nothing left to do. I think it'll come soon. I feel like I'm already digging my grave. ",3.672170070100577,5.84363970984456,4.6117403230722385,82.21953672660773,74.18134715025907,7.235476988722953,29.487656202377323,8.124751697461798,2.2388594330996647,796,35,144,13,17,258,110,193,0.23,0.653,0.117,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,0,8,18,9,0,7,0,11,6,2,2,2,28,32,11,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,16,12,0,1,4,0,1,5,2,13,0,0,2,4,26,5,21,28,4,18,0,4,2,4,9,7,4,0,5,100,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532140663308287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574330924768596,0.1256453541186476,0.10091117191906143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521164578253824,0.0,0.0,0.3737599213855834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025206304096366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126376608068487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790839563847122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243871669981287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099365545966558,0.11092270170244836,0.0,0.117174888419765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400729919093426,0.17520881108405384,0.0,0.0,0.1120784115110094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267324709780927,0.0,0.11763452532383767,0.06969147338862966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106829435339278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127421861747246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984377162290006,0.13323406540736055,0.0,0.0,0.11981824050386168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135043166874366,0.0,0.16370829956166855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23532689336839194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711536879244895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543490904676372,0.0,0.2558523942620213,0.0,0.25174870724767795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250022875007381,0.0,0.0,0.12128075712048288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146760652871972,0.07857411822595335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232829463702839,0.29200565518476457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496689324119108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,samojr,2018/03/20,"Fuck this world I'm miserable
I'm a failure 
I can't socially interact, 
only imitate someone who can
I'm incredibly tired during the morning and insomniac at night
I hate anyone who is better than me in any way whether that be physically,socially or any other variable that can be measured.
I don't know what I am going to do but I can't go on like this.",0.5438356164383578,3.0211807123287677,3.9063150684931536,80.05837671232878,91.1917808219178,7.303561643835616,26.47808219178082,8.238735603445708,2.534601095890411,284,14,54,8,10,103,53,73,0.199,0.773,0.028,-0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,5,18,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,5,16,0,8,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,1,2,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934357642273295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022687955881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558414815326245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674313846050346,0.0,0.0,0.32880490638302906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856005710256304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589787526160072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132584459851294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27146631963547274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000774912871235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948808759584244,0.2451029679446276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332480685105394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961415375482244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somethingoffandodd,2018/03/20,"Been thinking I've been thinking about it more and more as of late. Without me around, my mother can't be critical about my looks. I've lived with her narcissistic abuse for 20 years and I just can't anymore.",2.5478571428571435,4.7607673571428615,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,77.80952380952381,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.9298857142857146,167,6,35,2,4,52,31,42,0.102,0.85,0.048,-0.5003,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,8,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,8,5,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.3966361444504377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319922056967946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980075872304397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776241322781238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955994253472597,0.0,0.2811142903980593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42900169001859056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226969257790713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155746192589698
suicidewatch,NatsuLightz,2018/03/20,"I want to fucking kill myself (Stupid teenager Vent)Don't know where to put this or who will even find this.. Don't really care honestly
I'm a 19 year old male I want to Kill myself,im not going to do it because I'm a pussy and don't have a religion.Barely going to pass highschool don't want to look for a job or have a job in the future.Ex Gf broke up with me a while ago 1 year relationship and it's wasn't even an official break up.No friends anymore and i hate social media except(YouTube)Masturbate because I never got pussy.. I wanted to be a Writer/Author but that's basically down the drain Life just sucks and I want to end it,honestly only here because of Anime and Video games.",1.8843863179074416,4.056211000000001,3.9051509054325964,85.13014084507046,79.84507042253522,6.592354124748491,21.410462776659962,7.7094869923839395,0.9295476861166998,550,16,112,9,14,187,90,142,0.136,0.809,0.055,-0.9034,2,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,6,0,10,0,9,2,0,0,1,19,25,9,2,5,5,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,2,0,4,6,7,0,0,2,1,8,3,14,21,0,16,0,1,1,1,7,4,2,2,7,63,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739166799009034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371110073411784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344631576115736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802537720950735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372775191011693,0.0,0.0,0.2047424199912825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166051076044142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974696784317534,0.14328824441618065,0.0,0.0,0.17617183510691026,0.0,0.1239618130707418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302319317143778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741870211432394,0.0,0.30761265818584643,0.0,0.3429528948870684,0.0,0.08517992903288099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947592064840828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015482372089118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953991754937547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263875561239044,0.0,0.0,0.11787892500787366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155810462750976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929228604951784,0.0,0.0,0.16640414469998452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579955287985025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570935215167049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996204214920492
suicidewatch,aheavynight,2018/03/20,"Guilt over suicidal thought. I attempted suicide on New Years Eve. I survived. I was told that I was lucky to be alive. I plan to attempt suicide again at the end of the month and to do it right this time. I have been patiently planning it out for about a month now. Other than overwhelming numbness, I feel guilt. Most of my relationships with people are superficial, but I feel guilty about doing this to my loved ones. The people who do care about me (my immediate family and my best friend of twelve years) would be absolutely devastated since they truly do love me with all of their hearts. I don't want to ruin their lives too. I just can't do it anymore. I've been suicidal since I was twelve. I'm twenty four at the moment. It's been exhausting.",2.852244897959181,5.1407577278911605,3.8369727891156487,86.25505102040819,77.16326530612245,7.465306122448977,23.42517006802721,8.418075326091056,1.4671986394557823,594,19,120,12,14,191,92,147,0.184,0.6,0.217,0.8746,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,3,6,7,12,0,3,5,0,18,5,1,0,1,15,27,3,4,2,2,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,8,2,20,6,21,16,3,17,0,2,0,2,9,6,0,2,11,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464144101792063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493399439316158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052388725976418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076093329673974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917729175610088,0.0,0.1492975479260683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406256011291012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749483780764029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036455304935254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664929959456461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356819559384161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425869596532426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000414067540836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470326497749208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850491331635938,0.0,0.12607962187834534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425066363022616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6459556212862285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720582780180662,0.08608725034598227,0.0,0.0,0.14107172427524728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707904377754541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048757833874117,0.0,0.0,0.1901444081324936
suicidewatch,Gabonicman,2018/03/20,"What do I do if I don't trust myself not to do something stupid? I've been in a particularly difficult spot in my life for the past week or two, and this past weekend was easily the worst I've ever felt. What do I do if I don't trust myself not to hurt myself or something worse when I'm alone? I'm currently in high school and won't be seeing my therapist soon enough.",5.761499999999997,4.18128815,6.960000000000001,80.78500000000003,67.5,10.5,28.75,9.516144504307137,2.074625,292,7,67,5,4,100,48,80,0.248,0.691,0.061,-0.9431,1,1,2,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,10,15,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,2,9,2,6,10,2,12,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,4,8,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421003629898701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415320798638425,0.0,0.0,0.211445373957512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444208790465486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469756850391367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502402648017991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510853307560927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462924480327021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365732038731141,0.18627299368616612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599130490952944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140833377014234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834531025568056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875046876223508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382169841532889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway1438383,2018/03/20,"Lonely.... In the past year my social life has been wiped clean. I’ve literally got nobody I’m so lonely I cry at night. I got a shitty life. My family’s struggling even their all depressed. I’ve got no friends at all, no girlfriend, not even a causal friend who you just have that conversation with once in a while. I’m doing horrible at school, I’m ugly. I get bullied. I can’t accept who I am. I’ve got a knife next to me right now I just want to end all of this shit.",-0.8948373408769434,1.2305226633663366,1.5938684582744005,96.4847772277228,94.64356435643565,4.469872701555872,15.135077793493636,6.18269132825596,-0.6270882602545971,363,8,85,4,14,123,67,101,0.334,0.5820000000000001,0.084,-0.9831,0,4,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,6,8,1,1,5,0,6,3,1,0,3,9,15,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,11,3,9,10,3,13,0,3,0,0,9,6,1,0,7,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049421175873672,0.0,0.0,0.15720778580762362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166222381119436,0.0,0.0,0.2411109636959803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206752752560586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820354161836017,0.0,0.0953613367081645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5839249572660147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25784441475456105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411650775752706,0.1712865533746995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438226635220374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423995739165676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587462964854826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472418766915227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735842045039205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606038851101264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081387530268326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765747467161377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753957045490387
suicidewatch,NVnumbers,2018/03/20,No reason to live anymore Nearing the end of college and don't have a job lined up. Even though I did alright I feel as though I am inadequate for the labor market. It feels like society just doesn't want me around anymore and unemployment is their way of telling me that I am not of sufficient (or any) value to them. I just want to fade away before having to live with the shame of having no prospects after school. ,7.728253012048192,6.221865409638557,7.572379518072292,77.73037650602411,63.57831325301205,10.227710843373494,34.003012048192765,8.841846274778883,2.645604819277109,331,11,66,4,4,106,60,83,0.175,0.722,0.103,-0.6645,3,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,4,1,9,0,0,1,0,13,13,6,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,2,9,2,16,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,51,11,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298292865264187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170396885712772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717456198951396,0.0,0.0,0.1975446971809396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789144203767545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622654297693766,0.0,0.0,0.1388736966014417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262593898829715,0.15020864988927046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864902820569925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272163840869176,0.0,0.3713240557257454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618066364297686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279273576012264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837751175776328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131556399469109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24803171527736445,0.1668933388831048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spicypjtaco,2018/03/20,"Suicidal thoughts are evolving I'm 22, have been suicidal for at least 9 years but probably longer. 2 things have kept me alive 1) I have a few close people that I wouldn't want to hurt and 2) no solid means to end it. But this morning I was just so depressed and so angry that the thought crossed my mind that some people-if not all- deserve to lose me. And also now as an adult finding a solid means to end my life wouldn't be that hard. I'm scared I might kill myself but it also brings me a sense of peace to think of my life being over. ",5.47794202898551,4.283137678260871,5.8397826086956535,87.33213768115942,67.86956521739131,8.710144927536232,28.731884057971016,7.1686216300943375,1.3168840579710148,423,11,97,3,6,136,77,115,0.25,0.626,0.124,-0.9651,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,5,0,11,2,0,0,1,23,21,11,3,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,1,11,0,11,11,4,9,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,2,4,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820721924726125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518997597924046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31240759276994456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119106554007273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798511566048942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879845718381086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511768756214404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491384536956669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973032228783981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842183927894716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709150675446293,0.17807467383223552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226674403325186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901473483722172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656846326233397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858213527435799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716663473655482,0.11300522259337115,0.0,0.2800224011790836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402248500902164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357091779188773
suicidewatch,Mr_Depressed,2018/03/20,"I feel so alone I keep telling people that the only reason why I'm not going to commit suicide is because of the promise that I wouldn't to my ex-fiancee, but in reality it's really because I don't want to leave my two cats behind. 

I own two cats and I adore them so much, they remind me of so many memories of my ex and if I didn't have them I know that I wouldn't be here. 

Other than my cats, I feel so alone, I hate work, I stopped studying because my motivated has plummeted, I don't even enjoy playing games anymore when I used to play them religiously. After work I go home and sit on my computer and do nothing until it's time to sleep.

I feel like my medication doesn't work, I feel like my therapy isn't working and is just a waste of money, I have no friends besides two that live in a city 9 hours away.

I am so alone and the only company I have are my two cats. ",3.4159523809523797,3.5067683333333366,5.4117592592592585,84.31541666666666,72.01587301587301,8.416402116402116,28.448412698412696,8.344100000000001,1.7647492063492063,681,24,154,10,12,238,103,189,0.171,0.6970000000000001,0.132,-0.6781,0,3,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,4,5,9,9,1,0,5,0,17,2,1,3,1,24,29,15,1,4,4,1,4,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,2,7,3,1,2,9,1,0,4,1,4,34,8,17,25,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,8,105,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741841058827473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943312233023505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314692884472552,0.0,0.0,0.22023704431675264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954216180946128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356990931744515,0.17206888024249556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304308010796944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688505405904874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118898619957322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208000197705739,0.0,0.11859822159037199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704275200917143,0.0,0.0,0.06618458156683242,0.0,0.0,0.1275168312105974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767096842084508,0.0,0.10634093729444237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209601658408505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131946094515934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852910841226269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555479083017894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318323144370102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349024545306494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714984597445257,0.12382098085079615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051588617688767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006839644330496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317296853543206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526017882900572,0.0,0.13772095847774782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022306813284877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705661993251696,0.0,0.0,0.10401191510097504,0.0,0.0,0.07103209359757742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866836323535113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506947343531608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayhelperdude,2018/03/20,"Guy reaching out through other subs and is planning an attempt soon. I don't know what to do next, I don't know the person I've only seen their posts and tried to help as much as I could.

I have contacted the police in the area through Facebook but they haven't answered yet.

I have tried to talk him out of it, asked if he had family to talk to and said I can always talk but I don't know what to say or not to say, I'm not trained to either.

He has been planning it for two days and I know where he's gonna attempt, 

I'm not saying the username or what subs because Im scared he'll find out about this and not reply back to me. I believe I'm one of the only people trying to help him or know what he's trying to do. I'm really inexperienced in suicide prevention.

Is there anything else I can do?",2.122197802197803,3.000751628571429,3.887428571428572,91.1681098901099,75.57142857142857,6.527472527472527,23.74725274725275,6.67199483983844,0.5345692307692307,625,18,146,5,13,211,91,175,0.064,0.894,0.042,-0.7714,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,1,6,0,17,0,0,0,0,28,31,13,1,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,8,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,5,15,0,24,24,2,13,0,0,1,0,22,7,0,4,5,94,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838607981351786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170820640507192,0.0,0.13301003421622326,0.0,0.0,0.1094024324445453,0.0,0.08673089851807095,0.0,0.0,0.1602977530216928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135968167269836,0.0,0.0,0.09175706386846684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885439601812245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412634052858158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003884015696518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408768584597387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073089966499146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368385816670835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39095931239511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045901584098112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513134825385959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641075508762634,0.21641653845080347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863713928921174,0.12423101753590753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626228819950778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114645743617167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533825759660842,0.3394337686764277,0.1424443600146281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562823240377915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34307122216912755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863876870622193,0.0,0.13898421155596152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,john-lyshitski,2018/03/21,"Contemplating self harm/ending it. I guess I don't really know what to say. At a low point in life, having some health issues. Minor to moderate health things back to back over the last few years. Looking back at the life I've lived and seeing no real point to anything. My job is a joke, there is so much corruption and illegal things, and I just don't fit in anywhere. I keep struggling with the feeling of wanting it all to be over. Anyone out there?",2.8256666666666668,4.827292844444443,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,76.1111111111111,6.722222222222222,22.36111111111111,7.6454224807358475,0.9061111111111102,356,10,72,5,8,114,63,90,0.14300000000000002,0.816,0.041,-0.8446,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,6,4,0,0,1,14,13,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,14,12,4,16,0,1,2,0,2,11,0,2,5,50,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289909102820068,0.0,0.14463975571105964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40545769067036375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567576748608772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887214923909209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362514663143696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736603052773717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834531684046657,0.17441980655341446,0.15622815573862606,0.0,0.0,0.0965959387482206,0.1432720696075682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482962699176843,0.0,0.0,0.15520386201958042,0.0,0.14759847211278454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920762103769215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332309788972354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000592391536954,0.11259966626301875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977551494757534,0.0,0.0,0.14006208115693036,0.0,0.1833614014206004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837479145371184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335411329110317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367084900855478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318700441683015
suicidewatch,RyanMorgann,2018/03/21,"Penis Hey guys, Im 16 and I think I'm going to end up killing myself. Im 6.2x4.3 or .5 idk even know anymore. I just want to be able to please my girlfriend and what not, but with my girth I think im fucked. I tried on a condom today and I dont think it fit very well for me. This whole girth thing I got going on has been an obsession for a week now and I dont think I want to live anymore. It feels like shit knowing you have somebody you love but you wont be able to satisfy them. I should be able to enjoy my life at this age and not have to worry about shit. I feel so lost now and I dont think I want to live on anymore man. And dont tell me size doesnt matter because it really does.",0.07184448462929538,1.37551759493671,2.2544665461121163,99.00025316455697,81.91139240506328,5.273779385171791,18.247739602169982,5.773587663045528,-0.5944209764918629,532,11,139,3,14,180,87,158,0.172,0.66,0.168,-0.4247,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,3,1,1,7,10,4,1,3,0,14,6,2,0,0,28,33,11,1,4,6,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,9,0,0,2,8,6,1,0,3,2,22,4,17,25,1,14,0,1,0,3,10,6,3,1,7,82,29,0,0.3119536597215892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30937420599490484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338801850569792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099758328032613,0.0,0.4874764878454354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209944992053076,0.0,0.0,0.06868081671369156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515542900929876,0.0742865856121306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961320438861019,0.0,0.0,0.11819363586312567,0.0,0.08316594639616949,0.0,0.0,0.10296105613629614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369634840160897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150435015673428,0.0,0.11429438205998822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344736514236873,0.05080160025065695,0.0,0.18364053119343374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351142340119233,0.0,0.09385011912759186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414381348281755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661516748254442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347729920644276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908870828369343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908271666894394,0.33314551502148715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856519787734834,0.0,0.0,0.07059868592497816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579814656683055,0.18399835094441871,0.0,0.08341013635799187,0.0,0.0934946014060473,0.0,0.0,0.11609504019057035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056013613460889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zuggsly,2018/03/21,"I’m falling apart. It’s getting harder and harder to keep going. Every single area of my life is going in the wrong direction, and I couldn’t possibly be more overwhelmed. I’ve been trying so hard to fix it, but nothing is working. I don’t even know how to talk about things, since I’ve been silent my whole life (not that I could get anyone to listen, or even talk to me at all). I wake up every single morning, and I truly struggle to get through each day. I don’t know when it got to this point, but I can’t really remember it being any different. The thought of taking my own life gets more and more present with each moment, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. 

I thought my life would be different. I thought I could outgrow this feeling. I was wrong. ",3.727324510932106,4.579512917721524,4.57510932105869,87.84451668584582,71.72151898734177,7.264441887226697,26.38895281933257,7.348242739294969,1.1926759493670884,603,19,127,6,11,195,89,158,0.081,0.871,0.048,-0.5926,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,2,0,17,5,1,2,1,29,37,12,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,8,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,7,3,18,0,15,23,11,14,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,4,86,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809777321084228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058368405498833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068686953320367,0.0,0.0,0.08354839790796367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707022969455055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113180634126107,0.0,0.21830126653304627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550387493195077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27073605539667905,0.0,0.22087707351693905,0.0,0.10361218251223674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116050472191914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302982354307882,0.0,0.0,0.2135902533540144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660172044900585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952334327589886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430577467535545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224656939315537,0.1460470502864863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829924168529935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675378089968882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716428464319554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543275948537356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740473735387103,0.20825318343988555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606660968958127,0.0,0.0,0.30854234348552634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795527794919471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463684974725266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943132264684792,0.0,0.0,0.09202790392513703,0.2832830237985925,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slatency,2018/03/21,"I need to know I’ve been fighting the urge to seek help/admit to my issue for the past few months.
Ever since the advent of my freshman year, I had begun to feel uneasy.
I brushed it off as hormones causing moody teenagers to feel moody, and interalized the notion that would later haunt me: 

“It’s nothing more than a phase, I haven’t done anything to warrant these thoughts.”

I was raised in a family of hardworkers. My father specifically gave up a lofty position as the head of sales for a pharmaceutical company in the Phillippines to become a nurse in the hopes of getting a visa and relocating our family to the US.
My mother is no different, so one can assume that when it comes to the topic of excuses my parents are biased.
This grim attitude towards self-pity had rubbed off on me and my siblings as well. My elder sister is a prime example of perserverance and hardwork, despite her meek appearance.

It makes me wonder all the more: “Why am I different?”
I’ve had thoughts of suicide since I moved high schools in the middle of freshman year.
I thought I could handle the change in conditions well, but I was utterly unprepared.
Since then I’ve only stayed in contact with a two friends from my original high school.
However, as these things go, soon they were nothing than an occasional presence.
I had always been an outsider. I never identified with any social cliques or groups. I always went out of my way to make sure I was alone.
I didn’t need new friends, after all I had some online friends who I had basically grown up with, and the two I mentioned earlier.

Then they stopped talking to me.

Up until then I had always thought they had my back, I confided in them many an embarrasing story. 
One day however, I found myself feeling fatigued from school, and decided to rest easy rather than spend my day playing games.
I haven’t built up the courage to do anything since.
My motivation sapped from me in a near instant. All of my small feelings of insecurity and past mistakes came tumbling down atop me in a single instant.
Then on any mistake I made hit me hard, I could barely function.
My grades suddenly became a big point of anxiety for me, my parents felt even more exacting and demanding than normal.
My “friends” came off as cold and indifferent.
It all came to a head on my birthday, when I tied a cord to a rack in my closet, fastened it to my neck, kicked the chair, and promptly slipped and broke the knot.

No one noticed what happened.

Since then I’ve felt even more worthless. So much so that I feel as if I don’t deserve the time and the effort for people to care about.

Whenever I interact with a friend nowadays, it just feels bittersweet.
I laugh and crack jokes on occasion, but I’m largely ignored since my lack of will to do anything other than breathe has made me appear lazy, something my cantankerous group of friends despises.

This past week I’ve been contemplating suicide again. I find it hard to justify me not going through with it.

My few friends won’t talk to me, my family won’t understand what I’m feeling.
I’m at my wits end for what to do.




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suicidewatch,Lord_Webthryst,2018/03/21,"I want to give details but im too unmotivated. Pretty much, i have horrible dibilitating disorders and horrible unsupportive selfish family and im stuck in this horrible lifestyle and every time i get a little sliver of hope for a better life, life just throws another big pile of shit on top of me keeping me stuck in my shitty lifestyle. Im destined for constant failure through life and and it makes things extra fucked up when im completely fucking insane on top of it all. So i just want to give up. It isnt worth trying anymore",4.6706067961165045,6.448105611650488,6.27202669902913,73.0270691747573,70.55339805825244,9.033495145631068,32.29247572815534,9.516144504307137,3.325466990291261,430,20,74,10,8,147,67,103,0.37,0.5,0.129,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,3,0,2,0,2,6,1,1,1,14,14,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,7,2,15,12,3,14,0,0,0,2,2,10,3,1,3,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152846255293984,0.0,0.0,0.14455871238085954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289164057795458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528307726213623,0.1575190920392644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670581635439616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228124502387388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374133192511026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951292409188193,0.07615566977529138,0.27966020709271344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447765339874187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6298004995224005,0.0,0.0,0.12956173378238964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088722554856516,0.0,0.14609381383148265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729859671762264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715330613995368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482943832419471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962464338252762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683911951210387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499615609687637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896418255305647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195075851388034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DuckInTheHood,2018/03/21,"My best friend told me he wants to kill himself. HELP. Hey guys,

Today I asked my friend why he has acted so different lately and I asked him if he was alright and after some time of beating around the bush he told me that he daily googles ways to kill himself and I'm really worried. I didn't know what to do and he was really ashamed of telling me that he's suicidal and then tried to act like he's okay, but I've known him for years and I know when he's lying.


He used to work as a promoter, have a gf, a car and money to spend.
He's 19 now and it all went downhill when his car broke down. From there on he didn't have way to get to work, which was 80 miles away, so he quit his job and tried to find a new one. After 2 months of searching he kind of stopped trying to find work and has now been jobless for 6 months. His Iphone 7 broke, so he's running around with a cracked samsung s3 without a sim card(Which also broke yesterday) He's still living with his mom who yells at him daily, he smokes a lot of weed(he says it makes him not care about his problems) and takes stuff like tilly dean from time to time. Over the last couple of months he has just been really unhappy(but doesn't show it) and unlucky. It almost seems like life is playing a bad prank on him or something.(a lot more unfortunate stuff happened to him and the people around him turned against him)

Now his girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him and told him that she doesn't have feelings for him anymore and it's killing him.

I told him to see a therapist and told him to quit smoking weed.(he told me he‘s addicted)

What can I do to help him. Tomorrow I'm gonna talk to him again. What can I say to make him feel better? I need some help here :/

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suicidewatch,SilentProx,2018/03/21,"I got into two car accidents in one day. I'm don't know if I can live like this. I'm a piece of shit.

I had a minor scrape during the morning and it was fixable in hindsight, and then during my way back home I went and fucked up by slamming into someone during bumper to bumper traffic.

My insurance will go up because I'm a new driver and I want to kill myself because I can't afford it.

This is just too much. Life is just shitting on me too hard.

I can't do it.",0.8601960784313718,2.3409689411764703,3.175098039215687,92.48460784313728,80.17647058823529,5.31764705882353,22.117647058823533,5.82211442006289,0.16924705882352953,360,11,82,2,9,124,67,102,0.19,0.772,0.038,-0.9468,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,4,0,4,0,10,5,2,0,0,11,19,6,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,4,1,11,1,11,14,2,15,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,5,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772510120078293,0.0,0.281038349718026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866243890689365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310644823471173,0.0,0.0,0.13100639976291525,0.0,0.18436307743092106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064952370642898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312243040734764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502955123422005,0.0,0.12668444791854985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281883214958925,0.11261748066944315,0.0,0.20354805625965847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945428917766753,0.0,0.0,0.22263182595658826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562022299310657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732385495363526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531373637244612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517865097644552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359631102724599,0.18297125763072467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136887570259363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sadgirlthrowaway99,2018/03/21,"I feel like it’s finally time I have been depressed for almost as long as I can remember. My first plans for suicide where when I was a prepubescent girl. I remember deciding that once my period started I would kill myself because the addition of this small, normal part of life would be too much more to handle. Of course I got it and didn’t stick with my plan but I still felt as though things were still piling on me. Around 16 I began self harming. I’ve dabbled with it on and off ever since. Present day I am more depressed than ever. Last summer I went through EMDR therapy. I really do think it helped some but I had a very, very hard time keepin my appointments. I would say I rescheduled about 50% or more because I just couldn’t bring myself to go. It is because of this fact I suspect my therapist wanted to end the relationship and therefore prematurely graduated me with a stamp of “being better.” I’ve moved several times in the past three years searching for happiness and hoping a change of location is all I need. So far that hasn’t seemed to work. I’m back in the city I feel least depressed in and have a handful of close friends and my brother. I’m searching for jobs because I have no money to support myself with currently. My resume is pretty decent so I do get interviews. I can’t bring myself to attend them and just skip them completely. The one interview I did make it to I was offered the position but just never followed through on it. I feel paralyzed and recognize that I’m letting opportunity slip away but can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I reach out to my friends for support but they are always too busy with their personal lives to spend time with me. I try to just talk through texts and get the typical there, there but never any check ups on how I’m doing. I want to isolate myself but I know if I don’t reach out to my friends first, they likely won’t reach out to me. The only thing that brings me any happiness is my dog. I feel like I’m a great dog owner, I keep her stimulated and happy. At this point the only motivation I have during the day is to make sure she’s alright. I can’t bring myself to shower or even eat a lot of days but I still make sure she gets at least three walks a day. Lately though I’ve barely had the energy to even do that. Over the past year every time I’ve thought seriously about suicide I decided against it because I don’t know anyone who will care for my dog the way I do. Now that I don’t have motivation to go above and beyond for her pretty much any of my friends or family could do just as well as I can. So if I can’t take care of her, I can’t take care of myself, and I can’t be dependable enough to get myself help what’s the point? I’m reaching 30 and have not done anything in life. Maybe my purpose is just to be an organ donor. I want to be better but I don’t honestly believe I ever will be",2.995728176240537,4.471266777403038,4.334348247282122,86.4597520720462,74.31197301854975,7.475139033403897,25.26457608266657,8.128838120801504,1.41932143805389,2281,75,477,36,47,754,260,593,0.064,0.7390000000000001,0.197,0.9978,4,0,0,0,0,3,40.0,0,0,5,10,34,31,1,0,23,1,58,4,1,9,9,94,106,39,3,13,21,1,7,3,4,6,2,1,1,3,22,25,1,1,17,0,3,12,18,6,1,5,14,8,83,25,77,77,12,75,0,3,0,0,28,25,0,11,40,340,105,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793949575487469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056454575970233824,0.0,0.0,0.13841593081723969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744056702893247,0.0,0.1116654642186804,0.06039868178022759,0.0,0.0,0.06374498316214264,0.05217055876415399,0.0,0.20679610757733646,0.0,0.0,0.07644092692380561,0.0,0.1200112446226869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752522068138468,0.0,0.07177368521253194,0.0,0.07113683913241182,0.0,0.0,0.05417072792673005,0.0,0.0,0.1750241630140192,0.0,0.17531092165055545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694315742550807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694249562507229,0.0,0.0,0.06009276895717311,0.07010463013440832,0.0,0.08962530078359962,0.1841159121796072,0.057164466070816225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396060831567169,0.0,0.13722298896466187,0.09694057086462343,0.06514426393388435,0.07432364730080622,0.0,0.11542214024762178,0.0,0.0,0.2096753181158176,0.0,0.14179012608272948,0.0,0.07711862403368988,0.0,0.05426386374947912,0.0748021358595879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667485601664332,0.06077805580768469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095353171563343,0.0,0.0,0.06738790121755621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673281995395067,0.06030599764504459,0.07506323398973318,0.0,0.07457445077207431,0.055304788381486766,0.07653496345502196,0.0,0.0,0.06937869114548054,0.09584542682549953,0.09944062084469188,0.0,0.059910607618729836,0.060042924607391635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057681539523271326,0.0,0.0,0.13586624939060465,0.0,0.06816195821180716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211118172591187,0.09975147505494583,0.05030808011096415,0.10465638792845808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647616912803013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722553998447831,0.04597523886267347,0.10320220021164044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347225790580661,0.12953627948200322,0.0,0.05924184184819607,0.0,0.0,0.1282756828079054,0.0,0.0,0.1380506491458786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434648618642788,0.0,0.0,0.07284285064623518,0.15371603953079813,0.0,0.0,0.053955075097768083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061765838605221175,0.07077976559335943,0.07664839124469464,0.0,0.05612417381519769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048022827419884666,0.0,0.16254936337443215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484283605503616,0.15398513473089484,0.12789097878156466,0.0,0.10202579017578414,0.054533270594134105,0.0,0.0,0.07758955783312385,0.07877620589810612,0.09014976170439164,0.043473954471126335,0.13331969770688046,0.053863356225400914,0.19781218727843145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606401586144557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196262742161904,0.12005468438024833,0.05385420732014348,0.0,0.0,0.061003073154991275,0.06289533543068407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939380627615777,0.0,0.0,0.14459080540516606,0.0,0.0,0.0873831632913961
suicidewatch,meg-hand,2018/03/21,"I really want to end it, but am afraid of being selfish i really want to die. i'm going through an awful breakup, and my ex seems to be handling everything perfect, like the time we spent together meant nothing. i have struggled with depression all my life, but when i started dating him things got a lot better. i hadn't cut myself once during our relationship. now that it's over, my leg is already covered in cuts again. i'm not coping with this well at all. i wrote out letters for everyone important to me for if i go through with it. i just feel so so selfish. my dad lost his mom not even a year ago, and my best friend lost her dad also less than a year ago (she's 19, I just turned 20 last week). I'm really struggling with what to do. I don't want to be in pain anymore. But I know it'll hurt quite a few people. Does anyone have any advice? ",2.0593220338983045,3.6498870225988753,3.678666666666668,89.70545762711866,77.07909604519773,6.753898305084746,23.664406779661018,7.554174236665415,0.9603328813559324,661,21,144,9,15,220,120,177,0.211,0.614,0.175,-0.9122,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,2,0,0,6,10,18,2,3,6,1,11,3,1,0,3,28,30,10,1,4,8,4,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,12,1,0,7,1,24,6,21,19,6,20,0,4,0,0,14,5,0,3,14,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636925145420478,0.2474100390348824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399983866467745,0.11160021769489924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490059929186458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839874713314426,0.0975784698020646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464519147131901,0.12342299368155928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019650793674885,0.0,0.14483363622881004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122123479664124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360224188369932,0.0,0.0,0.09217322066028254,0.0,0.0,0.13334855409183902,0.12542093904456025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056202172220648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078180446521899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862199374343178,0.0,0.11161301649267086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939401674073324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766944963814459,0.11375404977139705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857017604210168,0.06817838421053313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30467644321227505,0.11864268736660548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634423974111379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339045481194851,0.0,0.0,0.1486190362667958,0.0,0.0,0.1484938773003913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674824825054157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843143964943525,0.0,0.0,0.26820303654599115,0.0,0.0,0.1498273386518565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704350716261653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987760962541434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917814961827235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927125912594014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137428260946789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517932285659552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469353367393356,0.0,0.11194073209523728,0.0,0.12547460758757714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973468477386045
suicidewatch,gonegya,2018/03/21,"Does it get any better? I was extremely depressed and had suicidal thoughts in high school, never ever thought I'd graduate and go to a (quite) prestigious college but here I am, I thought college would change my life too and that I'd stop being depressed but it's just the same thing over again and again

I still feel like the same numb and depressed 16 year old girl that I was in high school

I just want to know if the feeling is ever going to stop, I can't recall the last time I was truly happy and enjoying myself, but also I'm just so tired of trying, I've been falling academically and socially miserably, nothing excites me anymore 

the only reason I haven't ended anything yet is because of my mom, I love her with all my heart, I promised her I'd get a good education  so I could get her out of poverty and repay back for everything that she has ever sacrificed for me, I feel like if I ever killed myself rn, all the efforts and loved she poured into me would have been useless

Mom I love you so much I'm so sorry please forgive me it was never your fault and it never will be I'm sorry for causing you so much worry I want you to be happy please forgive me I'm so sorry 

",2.7872222222222227,4.412343884773662,4.34767695473251,85.53237962962966,75.17283950617283,6.670699588477366,25.730246913580245,7.365786028017652,1.277344197530864,936,33,187,11,20,313,128,243,0.203,0.5670000000000001,0.23,0.8552,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,3,21,22,1,1,8,0,21,7,1,2,9,50,42,22,2,7,8,2,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,8,13,0,2,10,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,10,3,35,14,16,25,6,29,0,5,0,3,18,7,0,2,21,133,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413399666860257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304074362099593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193577280428752,0.0,0.0,0.07628609502786249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128234734680204,0.0,0.05651046229707134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198765191867426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523079921698384,0.09806674263943348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401524414485344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953306820568684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112440837104314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210672324214276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354181544777732,0.0,0.0,0.08331485071760215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061920643161088,0.13245308480608567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452993784789667,0.0,0.10536970804027504,0.07775429190174699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736664655019825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985267310522563,0.0,0.19589014156762055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025613611389352,0.0,0.050946760290254606,0.07556474817860714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547837677437368,0.09057932345172083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25100233814969475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171436292052952,0.0,0.0,0.1362937154912762,0.0,0.2144931884888252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895035806596241,0.0,0.09727547076132503,0.0,0.0,0.07050427728497853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351857717984628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860030813353916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531340504041252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876393556331924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449832165887492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113179091765144,0.0,0.0,0.07403217737829489,0.1550065492478295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140127117190192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158728964447278,0.0,0.0,0.22078581629232946,0.054055457242678295,0.10654765801388358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293877728371708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093564380029034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414368660744836,0.0,0.1317061098340726,0.0,0.0,0.0596972425210005
suicidewatch,rufat2494,2018/03/21,"May be first and last words here I dont want to sound like a person who does not have any problems but still complains about life. But most of you will think exactly it after reading this post.

I can't complain about my life, yes I had some bad moments with my family, some really good moments in my studies. Had success probably in anything that i started to do.
But I always had the feeling that i am lagging behind. When I watch back i can't see anything...Yeah most of my relatives, friends would think that oh great you have done a great job. BUT NO, FUCK YOU ALL.
I am sick to be the RIGHT person, by doing the RIGHT things. I am tired of this life. Now, i try to just let them all down. It is not what i am trying to do deliberately, probably the loud shout which was shut in me for years. I feel myself like a shit, with no past. I don't care about anything. If the suicide thoughts were scaring me in the past, now even when I am coming back to my place at 4 am in the places where anybody probably could be killed, I don't care if someone just comes and stabs me. I just don't care about anything anymore. 
I am not asking for any help cause all the motivational words are not working. I just needed to say this, sorry if I took your time",2.4933240327380943,4.028269199218752,3.499441964285716,91.68588541666668,75.7578125,6.2824404761904775,23.909226190476193,6.868970318607317,0.6299273065476187,969,30,214,9,21,311,139,256,0.227,0.634,0.14,-0.9831,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,4,1,4,18,18,3,1,11,1,34,7,1,2,4,44,51,11,2,8,15,0,2,2,1,3,5,4,0,2,12,6,0,0,6,1,0,3,12,8,0,1,8,8,34,10,28,35,7,34,0,0,2,1,14,13,2,8,19,156,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479791227732254,0.0,0.0,0.13860561649201386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106808498182084,0.0,0.0,0.2515916046614567,0.0,0.09527279922806506,0.0,0.0,0.156726160440004,0.0850912238276244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311714420952353,0.10469041826230216,0.0,0.1755741837243231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136744552206998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918278869313159,0.10429008529021734,0.11943864617388325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731109270649306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960723902348717,0.0,0.10305827987081773,0.07280506392100229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668523636364947,0.0,0.0,0.07873599671388673,0.09421485107051904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547790638967231,0.0,0.22471393490306735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830863106474779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011306995087773,0.0,0.1127491513614351,0.0,0.0,0.08307086738481402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042106519190201,0.21594774089924626,0.09957689461862468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556553371934542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457069467738575,0.0,0.17796908122519867,0.21295009729779565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976023328050916,0.0,0.3296310923493254,0.09751482943639572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193833375843933,0.0,0.06528663939405709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740624563235259,0.0,0.08104352298154259,0.10203044449099627,0.0,0.08120967751284447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460992577824194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863486522195217,0.0,0.0,0.11408074695797255,0.07213295710532837,0.0,0.08138606079471382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147382547034508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770497743939455,0.13060059399027724,0.0,0.08090575613519756,0.05942498093712014,0.11713142149449544,0.0,0.0,0.11322659887766193,0.13838142644874699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010960386940493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419224358105372,0.0,0.0,0.07239447657481539,0.0,0.0,0.06562718511255579
suicidewatch,Throwaway762999999,2018/03/21,"I've been on a downward spiral for a long time and want it to stop before it gets any worse. I was going to go to a new school this year, but chose to stay so I could graduate with my class and learn under my three favorite teachers.

Well, my class this year has gotten worse, one of the teachers passed away to cancer and another was practically forced to resign due to rumors created my some alumni.

These things spiked my depression and started affecting my grades.

Now, I'm 99% sure that I failed a couple classes.

I had a massive scholarship on my shoulders relying on my grades, and I've been looking forward to going to this college.

There is no hope for me. I want to end it all tonight.",5.021111111111111,5.774910072992704,5.505790754257909,82.70123276561235,68.7080291970803,8.424655312246554,29.820762368207625,8.515128840125781,2.139571613949716,548,20,107,8,9,176,89,137,0.208,0.6759999999999999,0.116,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,0,8,2,1,1,2,17,19,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,3,1,2,6,1,14,3,19,12,2,23,0,3,1,0,1,7,0,2,12,71,23,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317381353621648,0.20313522879859355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820089314335053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484381983177854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546718787240146,0.2143505745359608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685314898731474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158088561973606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121215841604488,0.0,0.3302913654779215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924104342604669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714385667047142,0.16267834724819788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709867082096548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127157123111388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605779859045047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711798277326662,0.20648271086110412,0.0,0.16196092077847565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258143020297932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287008089331962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296131254593796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285254329955678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418004693573924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948401318096859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950224138410326
suicidewatch,HotAndCripsyMeme,2018/03/21,"My mind started shutting down and I started cutting myself I used the same object I used to cut myself when I was younger. I stopped cutting when I was 17, I’m 22 now and I just tried to do it again. The object wasn’t as sharp as it was back then so I only left two red ass lines across my forearm.



Some context is I essentially lie to myself every single day in order to stay sane. My parents still treat me like I’m a child, I work a shit job where I get treated like shit for minimum wage, I have absolutely zero friends, I’m short, I’m below average in the looks department.



What brought on this breakdown today is my father reminding me of why I first became depressed. Living in a household devoid of love and understanding. Like shit, is it too much to ask for a teeny bit of respect, I mean, for fucks sake I pay rent to them to live here and it’s only slightly cheaper then if I were to move out.



Why I don’t move out? I’m barely keeping my mind in tact as it is, I don’t even have a friend so I’d have to find someone looking for a roommate and hope to god they aren’t a complete shit.



All of this is just rambling at this point so TLDR is, I started losing grip a few minutes ago, thought about how was it would be to end my life, and instead started trying to cut myself. I’m stable now and I’ll probably stable for the next couple of months, but fuck me dude. I hope something good happens otherwise next time I breakdown I might actually attempt suicide for a second time and hope I succeed this time.",3.2310869565217364,4.296760964968154,4.61587648850734,86.28504984768763,73.10828025477706,6.734754915535863,28.30185544170589,6.8959733430537185,1.3621020769869836,1189,46,246,10,23,396,172,314,0.118,0.759,0.124,0.4384,5,0,1,0,0,5,26.0,0,0,2,5,19,26,10,0,13,0,22,10,6,3,1,33,50,21,1,5,4,2,2,3,2,2,1,0,1,1,11,10,0,2,4,0,3,4,4,12,0,4,8,5,38,14,38,39,7,47,0,2,3,4,9,16,7,6,28,162,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.09337121697789462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481576329404762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944916688933208,0.0,0.0,0.07357306909584581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445927708868767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032009824562353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058696183536464,0.0,0.06170656949011227,0.0,0.08241022559716804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474529595578295,0.0,0.0,0.06319664388776333,0.0,0.08061568270848282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745104069657336,0.08138652624000117,0.0,0.0,0.14784638149235144,0.1769117734577469,0.04998956782575737,0.0,0.0,0.08025299535597352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461072136645846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850995751214681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494899794369394,0.08504599982703923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039580907600969,0.0,0.06758258275736967,0.14023525608407314,0.0,0.1689768090785905,0.0,0.16069650921023573,0.10704298104670308,0.0,0.0,0.08635617398166784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422506418586497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015028154094575,0.1932218202808566,0.0,0.07637195836662343,0.20338831254185985,0.07033681774243004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035164494461884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553999011855254,0.0,0.0,0.1062428406039025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044982359885473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316070214642477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928622139806796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107051609309326,0.07366019482106717,0.0,0.0,0.2708950706020561,0.10198361186022388,0.07641126736567216,0.07999391141424597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465989137592052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596032174431018,0.16737773258395086,0.0,0.09069475303341808,0.0,0.0,0.12992274194827594,0.0,0.09346679750673352,0.09960768275388683,0.0,0.16527596960380153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267511209215675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965717845750792,0.0,0.0,0.06796930151600858,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway7382874,2018/03/21,"Took a bunch of pills. Woke up alive. I should have been dead a while ago. I have no idea how I survived ingesting 3 times the lethal dose, but I am taking this experience as a sign to keep going. I still feel horrible but I am going to use my feelings in different and positive ways, like my paintings and music, and helping other people who are going through the same suffering as I am.

(throwaway cause irl friends know my main account)",3.7584873949579816,5.627874058823533,4.555126050420171,84.03235294117653,73.11764705882355,7.680672268907562,28.61344537815126,8.418075326091056,2.1183445378151258,345,14,66,6,7,111,64,85,0.13699999999999998,0.665,0.198,0.7096,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,8,3,0,3,0,16,19,9,2,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,4,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,3,2,10,2,8,15,3,11,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088977470756216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559843098961261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034800798345004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437532908297849,0.0,0.0,0.2519934783880093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925217237387388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248571714995482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702519746599426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28130247227185506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148939079220026,0.0,0.0,0.13694698964595375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174047574574752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275530809322054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990015414352482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735806547911532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453032950700969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768565954428007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521808135941006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779352032518074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JAGGERSTAR1,2018/03/21,"I'm going to go tonight, the world just doesn't need me. I am a thief, any wealth I have is the result of someone else losing something important to them. I hate how my life has turned and it's too late to turn back. I know the world would be a better place with out me because I just make it a worse place. 

I'm just gonna go bake myself a cake and I'll be own my way.

Thanks to anyone who tried to help me, you are very nice people and I wish the best for you in life :)",0.4995492662473779,1.7118440283018899,2.1391823899371083,100.70319706498951,80.41509433962264,5.08846960167715,16.49475890985325,5.033348758259628,-1.0420763102725368,361,5,95,1,9,118,73,106,0.109,0.665,0.226,0.9134,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,3,6,8,1,0,8,0,9,3,0,3,0,15,23,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,15,5,10,19,2,13,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210117240055147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255465787654438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806401515240194,0.0,0.109452923665569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884282145762912,0.15879870456198625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999223295234698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061297539073543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726992678960982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203495810512556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867680493822946,0.0,0.20254190494511248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536450591097821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008721933012952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985201589376827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313515705530013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244783976838744,0.0,0.3751861894336799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213339744884813,0.13822751149141504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653068913554552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190367775483492,0.3906009299976436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814878597258033,0.0,0.14251961779979336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064753559446769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297831099633494,0.12754822912415711,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EzioKurosaki,2018/03/21,"Temptation to down much whiskey and cut wrists to no end Hi Reddit,

I (22M) have in the past used drugs and alcohol to silence inhibitions, then self-harmed in a variety of ways for various reasons. The last time I intended to end things, and cut pretty deep, but was found by friends before getting to the endpoint. 

I'm wondering how any of you (if applicable) deal with the temptation, when you're at your worst, of wanting to speed-drink the nearest spirit then violently self-harm and/or end things?

Thanks and regards,

J ",5.6115306122448985,7.105184846938776,5.7638775510204106,78.67397959183674,67.87755102040815,9.681632653061223,33.38775510204081,9.957137785484203,3.3855959183673465,417,19,77,10,7,132,73,98,0.158,0.728,0.113,-0.5859,0,0,4,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,2,6,3,0,6,0,2,4,1,4,0,14,9,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,16,7,3,16,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,9,44,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762609789250624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257537582923841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735557375341727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064715500138296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115381785534732,0.21445159056597105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913597985541486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275816511286004,0.1428707977391169,0.0,0.09661446376716536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073665905667674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593944146427045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652961494999034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881328384200192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013130573993034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38582935426000814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025195131939144,0.0,0.0,0.2457088127765878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782989720660724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971381501564005,0.0,0.0,0.10907218318212428,0.1467830096661482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005407496126207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PainGuy18,2018/03/21,"I wanna die. Been through rape, trafficking, abuse, bullying. I cant do this. Im in bed. Alone. Feeling awful and disgusting. I don't want to keep going. I just feel terrible. I hate myself. My face. My life. My past. My future. What happened to me throughout my life. Whats happening now. I just feel so tired of it all. I don't know how to continue. I really need someone to talk to right now. ",-1.5452777777777769,-0.4085007499999982,1.3358333333333334,93.40138888888893,119.0,5.277777777777779,18.194444444444443,6.691623216298621,0.7286111111111109,300,11,64,7,18,103,56,80,0.395,0.589,0.016,-0.9885,0,1,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,1,13,16,3,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,3,15,0,9,15,1,8,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,41,19,0,0.0,0.2638294491876646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306206362237539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310979783794833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377683733206043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654940880831916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938155429596392,0.0,0.0,0.21984211741967705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405235520554869,0.0,0.0,0.1979207602625876,0.0,0.0,0.12237449482096985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145590900701041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510817914860187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256524987421213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426491367495567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901603403507288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188668934607832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897500741343472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559282621607753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133748622859814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pollyannas_corpse,2018/03/21,"I need someone My first suicide letter was before I went to high school, I wasn't even ten. I am 35. I went to a clinic once and they took me in and I had to leave for some stuff. I promised to return but it took a while and when I came there with bags in hand, weeks later, a different doctor sent me away.
I was in therapy once and I was so ashamed that I couldn't be properly depressed for my therapist. I stopped going when the money ran out. 
Once, a professor arranged for me to see a psychiatrist. He gave me pills. They made me anxious but I could get out of bed. I put on so much weight. And my family told me that my sickness didn't matter. I had to write my thesis. I did. Then I was unemployed. Lost weight. Had a a bmi of 16. It was a light feeling.

I asked everyone I knew to help me. And they all left. I don't blame them. I wish I hadn't asked. Now I have no one who even knows what I was like as a young girl.

I am 35. I can't kill myself because I know my brother won't take care of my parents enough. And it would kill the remnants of their marriage. I need to keep going. And I keep telling myself that I need to be strong.

But every day, for decades now, has been such a struggle. The only people who pretend to love me find me because they can sense how broken I am and that they can use me. And yet...I wish they could just pretend a little longer. Be just a little nicer so that the illusion won't shatter too early.

I know I won't ever have someone care for me. But you don't understand how tired I am. I just need the illusion. I need some idea of hope.

I am so tired.

I am just so tired.

Please. So tired.",-0.6060897009966766,1.4796573000000033,1.5421328903654512,98.503657807309,90.28571428571428,4.6272425249169435,17.85382059800664,6.1469755811424385,-0.3842126245847175,1245,34,299,12,43,414,165,350,0.121,0.7020000000000001,0.177,0.9782,4,0,0,0,0,2,48.0,0,1,8,3,22,13,2,2,17,0,38,12,1,4,2,55,76,27,3,12,8,2,4,1,0,4,8,0,1,1,12,14,2,3,8,2,1,10,11,6,0,3,26,6,67,7,29,40,5,36,0,2,1,1,26,11,0,3,16,210,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559491307958673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582139048911603,0.0,0.07950194421160188,0.0,0.0,0.10316540560358167,0.0,0.0720041816886404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678111631606193,0.17254856982387246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512210611392675,0.0,0.0,0.054571985720935405,0.0,0.07288186155395263,0.0,0.0,0.0884084090984492,0.0,0.08661070530742099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743361622269154,0.0,0.11177955204288847,0.07654235283812573,0.07129480575574254,0.0808566823160574,0.0,0.0,0.07977086920108505,0.0,0.042785698073949836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733985187653411,0.0719765234811435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420971711966741,0.0,0.09618138152153573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567180525086313,0.08940417883297846,0.0,0.08404534596091674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552408040931216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042576913719194,0.1872358496296007,0.0,0.1395124807660162,0.0,0.0,0.08959886144905957,0.09193833803133032,0.0,0.0,0.04134036540911065,0.16962010055142976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237117922191597,0.0,0.07637157489685653,0.08006814923609451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220439485152369,0.3137180355198506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703480877625435,0.05733974179392469,0.06435624543872434,0.0,0.0,0.09395892249879202,0.0,0.0,0.05866387098611856,0.0,0.0,0.09288579366174647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506504773481144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563852357697059,0.06743005505433979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433941015739036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074492436594633,0.0,0.08846171562648485,0.09686803272818854,0.09255899566150057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362264351115994,0.0,0.07396037126602886,0.0,0.09676872425491953,0.09824869685168153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890264530957013,0.0,0.0808566823160574,0.18802871849180355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809092914833963,0.0,0.0730832869803082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787592317662354,0.2060852754551294,0.0,0.15688454841572058,0.0,0.0,0.19461438881488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060110613544769015,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hollyjacksonX,2018/03/21,I tried I really tried I tried to be happy but there’s too much wrong with me the only way I’ll be happy is when I’m dead I think I’ll kill myself soon and I’ve tried to think of other solutions but there isn’t any no one cares about me anyway not my friends or family I even told 3 of my friends I was suicidal they just told me I would be okay ,-1.4160000000000004,0.4922794000000046,1.3949999999999996,99.31,92.5,5.2,13.0,6.742157984588678,-0.7826500000000003,272,4,70,4,10,94,52,80,0.317,0.529,0.155,-0.9664,0,2,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,10,13,5,3,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,14,6,6,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259407443049329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882133436770435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223212930324871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458785061615234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28616647090369496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942926580457095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048937467555917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361415727918163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254947122294902,0.14085114876396024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864234894015352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025761568047619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23733433651658056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539285585049512,0.0,0.502948157109858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700126453232545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155908821232512,0.20248454396663446,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jgirlsr2000,2018/03/21,"I don’t think i’m a very good person I always screw up. And I try to be better but I don’t seem to be improving. This is dumb but I just don’t like my personality. But at the same time, I don’t know how to be any different. I just feel stuck. And I have no faith in myself. I just want to be wanted. I don’t even know where this post is going tbh. I’ve almost given up for being a better student and person. It’s easier to just act dumb than try and fail. ",-1.2909935897435894,0.5167021442307735,2.0861538461538487,95.54217948717951,90.05769230769229,5.005128205128205,12.512820512820511,6.42735559955562,-0.9497794871794872,349,4,88,4,12,126,61,104,0.177,0.615,0.208,0.3708,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,3,0,3,0,13,1,0,1,0,21,24,8,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,2,1,12,5,11,17,1,9,1,1,0,1,3,5,3,2,2,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963013467259736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741929378784852,0.0,0.0,0.14236270029998935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37029967757266996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872238403994546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827129318949924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058518073221585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189763580250584,0.1755897903361601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301025638295709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227605463745174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.548379487376413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004959395640604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905810592368049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414069135004855,0.0,0.0,0.12207154321154448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842648665935277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273266752945987,0.24695580849869034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheCrestlineKid,2018/03/21,"I am done living. I have been attending a methadone clinic for about a year now. I went there because I was addicted to heroin. I've always been depressed and self medicated for it, eventually it got to a point where I couldn't maintain my habit. So I really tried to get clean and deal with my depression too. For a year I've been working really hard, haven't had a single dirty UA, and have been starting to improve. While I was at the clinic I was paying for my methadone myself and also held a medical marijuana card. About a week ago I got insurance and since it covered the methadone, I thought why not use it. What they didn't tell me is I could not use Marijuana, medical or not, while my methadone was being paid for by my insurance. Because of this I've been silently accumulating UA's that are dirty (because of the THC, which had never been a problem). Today I went in to get my dose and was informed I had lost all of my levels. I get no more take homes, and I would be required to go to 4 one hour group meetings by the end of the month. There's only one week until the end of the month and only one group meeting a day, usually at weird hours, so I wouldn't be able to make every one... If I don't follow the rules they will lower my dose by 10% a day until I'm off and then they won't help me. This whole time I have tried my hardest to comply with everything they told me to do. I even adopted Christianity back into my life, and worked hard on managing my depression. I'm just so done, I feel broken... I want to cry... I just don't want to be alive anymore... If I can't sort this out I don't know what I would do... I already talked to everyone I can, but no one helps people like me (an addict with a felony...) I just give up. If it's done it's done...",3.3842702702702714,3.939612670270272,4.884162162162164,86.40597297297299,72.29729729729729,8.082162162162161,26.15135135135135,8.238735603445708,1.4133978378378371,1368,42,306,20,25,461,177,370,0.067,0.879,0.054000000000000006,-0.3217,1,0,4,0,0,3,55.0,0,0,4,4,16,7,0,0,20,0,44,10,0,3,2,46,70,24,0,11,11,0,3,1,0,5,10,0,2,1,13,15,0,2,4,0,2,5,15,6,0,5,28,3,48,1,41,31,4,41,1,4,0,0,17,11,0,5,26,213,61,5,0.08901198997116345,0.0,0.0,0.19407241546351126,0.0,0.0,0.07890375843328577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822694435652624,0.0711828562207932,0.07406510625785387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882759758161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844472590558492,0.0,0.16278264872100048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106883102042963,0.0,0.09777549130227564,0.11481073950639735,0.09176745315690583,0.2299976895948495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36436068017331535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767640591219398,0.0,0.0,0.05879157988388242,0.0,0.07499644060635302,0.08505477094247535,0.07999823705983551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500713664046805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951527277658998,0.08538841164074988,0.05058756518272605,0.0,0.14238203955994502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947451855507386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932572117089928,0.0,0.08928628353512401,0.0,0.17531776004326247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048918661823507625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287180091391427,0.043486762130627916,0.0,0.07859921791979121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971671019062595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941619449518134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690106460789639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209704234212608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865153408088134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30158414026433616,0.13539525881391193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170970619125121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414510174051817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517245307057685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140467201155888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285891833360348,0.0,0.0,0.07363163792867047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300314464378758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669259387794819,0.07154446582456746,0.07780040259706833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066557730134042,0.05190360716764706,0.0,0.08437295859386026,0.08505477094247535,0.0,0.12086659657988758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537555599804482,0.09803413143401543,0.0,0.1050031558122589,0.0,0.14280009846880076,0.0,0.0,0.16503001295247116,0.0803194760195966,0.09937870800138296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960357765338196,0.0,0.0,0.12646312759351616,0.0,0.0,0.11464160633740465
suicidewatch,Tjlaidzz,2018/03/21,"My brother wants to commit suicide. What do I do? I’m 26 my brother is 24 and he is stuck on killing himself. We are broke and make just enough money to get by. He doesn’t have health insurance so he couldn’t afford to talk to a psychiatrist or see a doctor. He says he’s depressed and just wants life to end already. It is all he talks about now. He wants to find an easy way to kill himself because he wants nothing in life and the world is a terrible place. He wants to buy a gun or do too much heroin from what he says. He’s a recovering heroin addict that has been off and on lately. He has no ambition or drive. He has no hobbies, nothing. I don’t know what to do or how to help him. I try telling him to think of what would make him happy and work towards those goals but he always has something negative to say or doesn’t want any of it. He just wants to be dead. ",0.8800537634408627,2.7373039946236597,2.587311827956992,94.91763440860215,81.63440860215053,5.423655913978496,21.623655913978496,6.42735559955562,0.18112043010752688,677,21,157,6,18,223,105,186,0.183,0.7709999999999999,0.047,-0.9771,2,0,1,1,0,3,16.0,1,0,0,2,8,6,2,0,7,0,21,5,0,3,2,33,36,14,4,9,9,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,7,5,0,0,2,4,11,1,23,31,3,12,0,2,1,0,30,7,0,5,3,95,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313726318484962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448937083884255,0.0,0.10925279187074924,0.0,0.0,0.08928905302052217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003975483843934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308919490633827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439194231112714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629354515525313,0.13566883522938356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000656125417472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859925377179119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397721533414306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395666206957453,0.0,0.0,0.08800816496856714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29052978396471,0.0,0.07215949114003348,0.0,0.14811303228272713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548328968497704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528861994296147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652120271636057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25197333601569205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718140007294566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31324702145323824,0.0,0.0,0.10462974567328118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108177800261688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362177471207407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21106923433074926,0.11476269490259013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413225709350274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914463090281469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5421123356964378,0.10422047110608113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558855316951596,0.0,0.0,0.09327232793130116,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkwhat42,2018/03/21,"I don't think I want to get better. I had this incredible relationship for 4 months before I got dumped, then got strung along for another month. She was great, but I could always tell she wouldn't talk about any problems with us. Her family was incredible, they immediately included me in everything, and I really felt like I belonged. Her mom searched all over for this really specific Christmas gift for me, and it was perfect. the girlfriend took a picture of me after I had unwrapped it, and I've never looked so happy, her mom looked so happy. I truly felt like I belonged somewhere. When she broke up with me it really hurt, I had loved, and held nothing back, but I knew that's the risk I was taking. After a month of us being friends/dating/nothing alternating by the day or week, it was her mom's birthday. They were having a surprise party for her, the girlfriend/ex came to my house to make the cake and after helping with the cake all evening she said that her brother wouldn't show up, so there is an extra seat if I wanted to come. I was so shocked I wasn't already invited. I was devastated, I was ready to lose a love, but I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I had lost a family. For a few months I belonged somewhere for the first time. And I don't think I'll ever belong anywhere again. I have always suffered from depression/ADHD and had suicidal thoughts. Adarall helped a ton but I can't go through getting treated like a drug addict by every doctor in town again. And I don't think I'll ever be able to build myself a home or a family, and now that's all I want. I wish I would just die in a random accident so nobody has to wonder if they were the reason I killed myself.
",4.210295698924732,5.256865565982409,5.315472873900298,82.25987597751713,70.75953079178886,8.029374389051808,27.404814271749764,8.344100000000001,1.8059119257086995,1342,45,265,20,24,444,174,341,0.162,0.655,0.183,0.8783,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,3,5,18,22,2,1,21,0,31,5,0,2,8,54,61,24,3,11,9,4,2,3,1,3,3,1,1,0,10,15,0,1,10,1,0,4,9,10,0,1,28,5,51,12,35,27,6,31,0,5,2,2,28,7,0,6,23,190,61,1,0.09009697561555696,0.0,0.0,0.0982190022340406,0.10827905619405824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942425299499164,0.0,0.14993580246075414,0.0,0.0,0.06126903297551861,0.09447453463293064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927901289395655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666589029302716,0.0,0.0,0.07968345327889767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304693799602582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776105667613774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193510377139242,0.0,0.0,0.058105095735209625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350643621096652,0.0,0.0,0.09221807227826608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448388781740796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119016405338522,0.1629957451869412,0.0759105878068017,0.0,0.08097335219673818,0.0,0.2548062305545778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301445136692006,0.0,0.0,0.07663644143253141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414390228718912,0.0,0.05120418752793885,0.0,0.14411756383023774,0.09933223368641672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918198117784288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078020718474157,0.0,0.0903746126007728,0.0,0.0,0.10395981320885238,0.09645067582642583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967895454111747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320504939352104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131753602784434,0.10079546979997893,0.0983514919048402,0.0,0.16263207622764575,0.0,0.0601404308378656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31656146677587776,0.2876581854442043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694883418970809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290095606399322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621063780174949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731552889327143,0.09263469656289153,0.0,0.09673043395924827,0.0,0.0,0.08570285581020948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855146799254418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774171295593633,0.07241653618700519,0.07874872787294633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309220160720877,0.0,0.07152693470891633,0.05253627102211633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010105500654078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675113663500134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942459165060438,0.0,0.07227035927300765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360707553655904,0.0,0.09770632677540422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640023064687763,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsmostlypainless,2018/03/21,"I didn't know who else to tell Nearly a year ago I knew this was a possibility. The money ran out. My prospects have run out. I started distancing myself from everyone. Today seems like the best day to end it for me. 

I don't want anyone to talk me out of it. I won't be checking the account anymore. I just needed to tell someone. I needed to get it out there. 

Thanks for providing me a way to give myself closure. I appreciate that so much. ",0.11474358974358978,2.4600919670329695,2.668598901098904,89.4368177655678,90.86813186813187,5.231135531135532,20.770146520146522,6.816661863887847,0.5791970695970696,343,12,72,5,12,118,62,91,0.014,0.8190000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,17,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,14,3,15,11,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943482980438257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743306020765055,0.1533018595828145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300850885501461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413954941011304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315185057756853,0.0,0.19418682797355188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094988920857817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145469550654172,0.21032068439523974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049183532896852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711249217196868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117099330543186,0.325136174209238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24716685603018615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959327027220555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576637422460132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518340540497866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762215823878127,0.3832612319639794,0.2018522057378501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078195161958405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931693639535385,0.17402722280914934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118719766386822
suicidewatch,BrokenThrowaway151,2018/03/21,"Crippling Urge to End It Does anybody have any experience with having a visceral feeling of ""suicidality?"" Doubt that's a word. Basically, more than simply an intense desire or feeling to commit suicide; a physical urge, like half a panic attack, half an adrenaline rush, heart palpitations, etc., where you feel like the walls are closing in or you need to just go out and end it. Where you can't handle it anymore and it feels like everything is crashing down.

I don't know if I'm asking how to cope with it or what. I figure things are inevitable. I seem to experience that feeling more often and feel more concrete about what I have to do even without breaking down.",5.597884444444446,7.140596504000001,6.157866666666667,75.65137777777778,67.96000000000001,8.435555555555556,32.28888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.820182222222221,533,23,92,9,9,173,82,125,0.102,0.76,0.138,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,3,0,0,7,6,1,2,7,0,9,1,1,1,1,29,21,8,2,3,6,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,6,7,3,16,21,4,13,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,7,5,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007385791594346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605267421001867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513220723792023,0.18414498464246173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164929040550084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867289714231494,0.0,0.18052243810055765,0.10691041015885984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454739667303515,0.3166703676892109,0.0,0.0,0.4910633238104982,0.23127300218929675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199169937778763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181099137675686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895685760279301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372374199697652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120020963543637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899138869148413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473559604566143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35410842177167995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075360184599081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603223597475024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaptFishhook,2018/03/21,"Decided to post. I’m dragging my wife and son into poverty. I’m a lawyer in Miami. I’m 34 years old with a three year old son, and I can’t afford to take him to the dentist.

I’ve been fired from six different law firms since 2012. 

My new psychiatrist believes I have an extreme case of ADHD and I’ve been severely undermedicated. I can’t afford to pay him.

My pills cost $240 for ADHD and antidepressants. My health insurance expired for nonpayment. If I pay them $788 dollars today they’ll reinstate it, but my prescription will cost $230 to fill and that’s after applying coupons. 

My mortgage is past due. My old car is falling apart. My student loans are in forbearance. My credit cards are maxed. 

My wife doesn’t love me anymore. She’s exhausted from my failing to pay bills, not being able to keep a job, and just not living up to any expectations we had when I was in law school. She calls me a loser, an idiot and a failure. 

I’ve begged every family member I still have for money. I can’t help but feel like a disappointment to them. My aunt who I love like crazy is a retired public school principal and I feel like I’m leaching away her savings. My dad, who’s a brilliant lawyer and moderately successful, has been helping support me and I can never pay him back.

Doors keep closing on me. I wanted to practice commercial litigation and intellectual property law. I went from making $75k as a trial attorney to making $45k doing collection work in small claims. I went from winning a summary judgment in federal court where my client was sued for $8 million.... to mediating $800 claims over unpaid bills. 

I work forty-five miles from my house. My commute takes upwards of three hours every day. My car needs a new exhaust, camshaft, and I’m sure a lot of other stuff. It has dents and dings in it and I get sprayed by a few drops of water when I run the A/C.

I’m trying to lower our expenses but it’s never enough. We don’t have cable anymore and I’m doing my own car maintenance in my townhouse parking lot under an IKEA reading lamp with tools from Home Depot and lessons from YouTube at 11:30 at night. 

The anxiety has caused me to lose patches of hair from my scalp. They’ve grown back with shots from a dermatologist a couple of times in the past. 

I don’t know what to do. I need a job that can help me support my family and I don’t know what to do.

I’m never happy anymore.  I’m never proud of myself anymore.  

Please help. 

Update: I was able to borrow the money to reinstate my health insurance today. I don’t know how much longer I can leach off my father.  I don’t think he’s proud of me. I don’t think anyone is. 

I don’t want to be me anymore.  ",2.1654372802725534,4.244696316081335,3.9677612264868998,85.50944402160124,78.44547134935307,6.904874778007323,24.28621651987968,7.928766900206844,1.3914779529556744,2101,74,425,36,51,707,266,541,0.12,0.7509999999999999,0.129,0.9237,7,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,3,0,3,10,8,22,1,0,24,0,41,11,2,4,5,62,74,25,0,6,7,7,4,3,0,2,6,0,2,0,12,24,1,2,9,1,16,9,17,7,0,4,9,4,69,15,63,61,6,60,0,4,0,2,30,22,0,3,30,253,81,17,0.1587986321904068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084509664179752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053994257663302264,0.0,0.06074025948734558,0.0,0.3937139316688072,0.05551784793981904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459827113710188,0.12210634609983792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945583965610024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810755791089308,0.0,0.0,0.08156496917798885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785383306021431,0.0,0.0512059903398728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295538603650275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204071830140007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133794696549264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970121771277198,0.0,0.08029335980049934,0.11344577456629362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041482865573823864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452204840762755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879552025958705,0.0,0.0,0.21287875165145007,0.0,0.07964398786801556,0.0,0.0781923325795076,0.09161615041762516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758313941806354,0.14114752064724675,0.0,0.0,0.13090736296325967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163714856892391,0.0,0.07011105077496907,0.0,0.0,0.08882752515203372,0.0,0.1350049183954579,0.1433219654643813,0.0,0.1059993200786841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836763313237482,0.11774717363902433,0.2449505895407757,0.1533687085064049,0.0,0.07451087949816795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24994867751798105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159126286551014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715660590540228,0.0,0.0,0.07604259682104783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942080267776175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607126936310486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969862707078333,0.0,0.06567993476384537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340839639790723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089322080906463,0.0,0.1802028059607436,0.07483291576742039,0.0,0.11939680867356882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175175149987743,0.0,0.0,0.046298379727499166,0.0,0.15052253547980882,0.0,0.0,0.05390692372065214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366354759659198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720792297592422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156072955171975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226111271295384
suicidewatch,LegateLoke666,2018/03/21,"If I lose my freedom, I’m done with life. I might go to jail today, if that happens I’ll just kill myself before or in jail. I got charged with breach of trust and minor possession of weed. The breach of trust was over some gas money and with the weed I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’ve already made up my mind, I’ve been in jail twice on separate occasions for only a day but those days almost drove me insane. So in the end I’d rather die then have my freedom taken, I’ve been trying to improve my life with little luck so no other options so..o well.

Edit: didn’t go to jail, I’m getting a lawyer and moving on, hopefully things will improve.",1.3816153846153871,3.2072544142857176,2.938571428571432,93.17565934065935,79.85714285714286,5.4505494505494525,20.05494505494506,6.297961479604792,0.020115384615384986,518,13,114,4,13,170,89,140,0.13699999999999998,0.674,0.188,0.8793,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,0,7,0,9,2,0,1,0,22,20,10,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,4,1,1,10,0,10,5,20,8,1,21,0,1,0,0,0,11,0,9,6,67,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120828813644813,0.0,0.19969715245333144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398617058343142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341230759730386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781100672015827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851879613410161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027949090757151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454569001661683,0.0,0.2056908678716623,0.0,0.1447326293558346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002496885507578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973707465830385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020872957817387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556390142108144,0.0,0.18137245035875388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245129023263064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123155068803475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197312837283076,0.1827210267989904,0.0,0.0,0.1923350129532164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763050361559787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890678019689421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202237653728055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552097106690446,0.0,0.17153174911052066,0.0,0.0,0.12286198721667482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627074551357019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957092292829521,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunk_,2018/03/21,"i have nothing to live for no friends, no one to talk to, anxiety, depression and suicide attempts and no idea why i posted useless shit like this here",12.559655172413793,7.509362896551725,11.182068965517242,66.54482758620689,57.96551724137931,14.358620689655172,53.13793103448275,11.20814326018867,5.958282758620689,120,7,22,2,1,38,23,29,0.503,0.374,0.123,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392457403606967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693630625902937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241622649514026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35304612562792503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527892838872742,0.0,0.2761557226079757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000830872325714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192115745170026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299519092097257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32102378183962776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420875099795163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513690871396082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821997918900488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LSRaymonds,2018/03/21,"I destroyed the only relationship I've ever had...I can't take it anymore For the first time in 20 years, a woman loved me not in a friendly way, she wanted me and I wanted her, we got into in a serious relationship....and in ONE goddamn month, everything falls apart, I destroyed everything, this woman does not want to be with me anymore and I...I don't want to be in this world anymore, I'm tired of failling, over and over and over again, I just can't have nice things God must hate me for some reason. I've never felt so bad and depressed in my life, it's not worth it, I want to kill myself like I've never wanted before, throw myself under a bus and just end this misery of a life, I can't take another loss, I just can't....thanks for anyone who read it and sorry for any mispronounced words, I hope you can understand my feelings",3.0779757085020236,4.334566532163741,4.44526315789474,86.62068825910934,73.73684210526315,7.132883490778228,23.680161943319842,7.61054688173877,0.9941476383265856,651,18,136,8,13,216,97,171,0.253,0.674,0.073,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,1,1,0,2,6,13,4,0,7,0,9,4,0,1,4,33,25,8,1,8,6,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,9,10,0,0,4,1,1,2,9,8,0,2,2,2,20,5,21,20,1,25,0,2,0,1,10,13,0,2,10,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878825734065347,0.13551160874767265,0.0,0.0,0.384491925606111,0.09036241182106433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790379082097214,0.0,0.0,0.10996739142506867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111307815870305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130922854684636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144616912496954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689825059804555,0.0,0.0,0.2322917866598757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534386610819756,0.0,0.12408352543053973,0.0,0.0,0.10992515080989053,0.0,0.0,0.09984475645463488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335908506620764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759039940052658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835709315751492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297668192423826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256156012404987,0.06313650176953882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663743234730108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315219765420523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993442367568852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757132825050437,0.09828718647773334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926753368586694,0.0,0.0,0.1328725968946382,0.0,0.2774948142715529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466527219528644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433360614368614,0.0,0.0,0.11897997970481596,0.0,0.0,0.08585637148619006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753565458826741,0.14853381858872733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453565417273158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573482785060217,0.10257879205347448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832215325625096
suicidewatch,ColtAzayaka,2018/03/21,"Failed all my exams, and overdosed I just tried to overdose but couldn’t, and threw them up. I don’t know what to do from here. 15/M

Failed all my GCSE because of stress put onto me by my mother, who constantly calls me abusive among many other names that make me feel worthless. ",4.07357142857143,5.1852335000000025,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,71.14285714285714,6.314285714285715,24.714285714285715,5.985473137389443,0.5149071428571429,220,6,46,1,4,67,45,56,0.303,0.6970000000000001,0.0,-0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,7,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,9,0,8,5,2,6,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,31,13,3,0.0,0.3993916663030375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054844336051894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442023884825109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642701018333923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044075741651507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852535929936087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225007453228208,0.3417521910230537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388644294300002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861307552024424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288591966202693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tzer_,2018/03/21,i feel useless ı feel useless there is nothing useful i can do in my country i always wanted to be a english teacher but it seems impossible right now my exams getting harder everyday and my math sucks i just cant understand it i was confident at the start of the school but they suddenly changed the exam to get in high school i didnt care first because i was sure i am going to win the exam the questions were easy but then they said there is gonna be an exam including all of the subjects from the grade it was 2 exam before btw then they said there will be no test you will write the answer but no choice then they cancelled it then they changed the numbers of questions they lowered them and made them harder then they said just %10 of the students will past the exam and the other ones are will be randomly sended to schools near they house  now there is a lot of subjects i cant remember them at the same time i am not smart enough  now i dont want to study i dont want to do anything i dont know what to do even my teachers calling me an idiot sometimes but i cant understand i cant do something i just feel suicidal and useless the only thing that keeps me away from suiciding is my religion and my family and friends (sorry for my bad english),4.888313953488371,5.154446077519381,5.654563953488374,83.24254360465119,68.84496124031008,8.465503875968993,31.24127906976745,8.278499904357787,2.1837744186046515,1000,39,203,13,16,327,129,258,0.17,0.7559999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9694,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,11,2,11,11,2,0,18,0,32,0,0,2,2,38,55,16,2,3,9,0,3,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,1,11,0,0,2,11,6,0,2,9,6,37,5,21,37,4,24,0,3,0,0,21,8,1,5,14,152,45,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209175892344583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107737357130652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398426559863573,0.0,0.09241029950840177,0.06746739996899552,0.0,0.09417759561949644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301313586922075,0.0,0.11284212286353075,0.0,0.2341622375881394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891362905356413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435846584268528,0.0,0.07310082000754413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433600501595236,0.0,0.16788417326637078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414142017218052,0.0,0.0,0.0855084309653646,0.0,0.11564786276864872,0.0,0.06290003609949182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693585571508182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770588343317207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837440634916056,0.0,0.0,0.06082493955823259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409324825876136,0.0,0.1047248313072355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061971383895875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499729722567652,0.08417450648527311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565329397024018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479661396796796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537496041597224,0.094517172268024,0.3158362421833381,0.0,0.0,0.3360317437294775,0.0,0.10075577791135312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520421832682291,0.1094619417573785,0.12389334082072467,0.07833743446954711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421243727773868,0.0,0.10431134220762968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352858452310626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453638859166999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304363915682657,0.0,0.09558900728207192,0.0,0.0,0.1958396969876384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway5678312,2018/03/21,"Just looking for some advice. I am 22, have been depressed and anxious for around 8 years and don’t have any reason to be, I’ve tried to handle it myself but it’s becoming too much to handle as the idea of suicide is now a relief and I’m taking panic attacks daily.

Has anyone had any luck with medication when nothing else helps? Because I’ve been trying not to have to be medicated but I cannot function on my own anymore, especially when the idea of suicide is actually appealing when it never used to be.
",5.817647058823527,5.862880568627451,7.2360784313725475,73.46235294117648,66.84313725490196,9.15294117647059,32.68627450980392,8.841846274778883,2.767792156862746,406,16,74,6,6,140,71,102,0.23,0.701,0.069,-0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,3,0,15,2,0,2,1,16,19,9,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,4,2,14,13,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,6,55,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.1654704810798909,0.0,0.0,0.16569645597235386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306193339719997,0.0,0.0,0.19155960771108485,0.16816240953465228,0.11856343312727717,0.0,0.0,0.1509483447754408,0.0,0.1929040851141892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336493852096558,0.18727065585468056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604564572285836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164937233758726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365550256470923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38283533674926107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239146466931055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416367667182462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464940959507817,0.0,0.13077858706801104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270170016610494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989473928758817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434053539386307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709520585951602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274913930032383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302463147555357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644927573216218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919397138561687
suicidewatch,CatchPeels,2018/03/21,"Would like to hear you guys opinions Soo.. I don’t really know where to start and I’m not too eager to talk about what has led up to the state of which I’m in but let’s just say I’ve knew this day would come some day eventually because of the fact that I have been suicidal since I was about 10-11 years old. I can’t set my thoughts straight, all I can think of are dark thoughts, real dark. And I have this unsettling rage inside me that just wants to burst out. My emotions are just gone, except for that rage.. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone, which makes me just feel so.. empty and exhausted, but not lonely... 

I’ve never attempted suicide, all I have done is basically wishing someone would kill me so I can be free. I feel like a waste of life. I didn’t ask to be born, and I wish I never was. I don’t know what to do, really, I don’t have any drive left, any motivation, any dreams or whatsoever. 

There’s just emptiness inside of me, except for that rage, it’s the only thing that have kept me alive for all of these years, it’s my fuel.. and I’m just tired of having that rage as fuel, so tired.. 

I don’t know why I posted this here since internet is probably the shittiest place to open up to. But I’d like to hear your thoughts, is anyone else feeling this way? I know I’m not special and there’s probably a thousand more feeling this way but I have no clue how they make it.. 

I’m open to discuss with anyone who wants to..",1.4902875243664724,3.15662085526316,3.0465058479532168,93.27461500974657,78.9342105263158,6.345808966861599,20.79873294346979,7.2427474758485975,0.3499823586744641,1116,29,259,14,27,367,147,304,0.172,0.6940000000000001,0.134,-0.9556,0,2,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,2,1,2,18,14,5,0,6,0,33,5,0,5,7,65,66,16,3,7,16,0,4,3,0,3,4,3,0,1,21,11,0,1,15,1,1,4,13,7,0,1,11,7,30,8,32,49,5,29,0,1,0,1,12,10,0,4,13,161,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105087596589117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429921272519014,0.10572560028867724,0.0,0.0,0.09646438724166256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629008407505851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888505526051964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309204818001852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055944535524682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619813197121685,0.11606964721492208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333707008425486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869448359799395,0.07371564534823416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216973409508072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325948111983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415931814979582,0.0,0.22683191221683674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121112009505131,0.1055140266988314,0.07288287482838618,0.15123347168302242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312882050631466,0.0,0.1377540647229329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591658292735885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827568288382956,0.0,0.0,0.07847711976632267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780674450275347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882305656687902,0.0,0.2225025512487216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744753548118014,0.1322063740173998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820571437772678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071200037397607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485724977094824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303513241421479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257360832180362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293648776651635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855177149007158,0.13223403085398264,0.0,0.2457529615947148,0.0,0.2371927956932117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172280339367075,0.16380747965125544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310874242385958,0.0,0.2373161547128597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989976821463936,0.0,0.0,0.13289598394444962
suicidewatch,jigglemepuff,2018/03/21,"Suicide feeling has returned I have been suicidal for over 4 years. It started after I was raped and lost my virginity. Prior to this event I considered myself very resilient and had an optimistic Outlook into the future. I believed myself to be very successful and free in the future. Living on my own. Living in my own apartment with my dog and inviting friends over all the time and just living the free life away from my toxic family. 

Then I got raped in 2013. I felt unstable but confident I could overcome this hiccup. Then, I went home foe the summer hoping to recoup. I just needed a quiet space to gather myself again. 

But that didn't happen. I was forced to live on the couch. I'd never had a problem about it before, but after the rape I couldn't. They would wall and talk very loudly and blast the TV and radio whenever I tried to rest. J couldn't rest ever. 

And the fights. I became very sensitive and got angry over the smallest things. Very very angry. I developed a rage in me. A rage I'd never felt before. But I couldn't help but feel like my family was trying to ruin my life. 

They didn't know I had been raped but they were the same toxic people. My ability to deal with them went out the door when I got raped because I turned from a strong woman to assault victim scared of predators.

And this time, I couldn't  stand up for myself and they walked all over me. They seemed to enjoy the abuse. I recall moment they would stare at me because I wasn't fighting back and just take the abuse. Like they knew they could do whatever now and enjoyed it. 

They planned a way to kick me out. I needed to finish so finals at schools and needed to be near school for a few days. My mom graciously rented a room for me for a week. She extended it to a month and then another month. All the while telling me not to come home which was only 30 miles away. She said no. I'll keep extending the rent. 

Then month 4 came. She unexpectedly stop answering my phone calls. Stop answering her emails. She cut off rent. She cut off my phone. She refused to buy me glasses. I was walking blind for all these four months. 

I even went home. I knocked and knocked and could hear someone inside. I laid on the front porch for 3 hours. Nothing. So I went back to the apartment. 

I'd been on my own since then. I pay for rent. I pay for my phone. I pay for my glasses. I pay for my car. My insurance.

But there's still a part missing in my life. My family. I don't have a family. I dwell over it almost daily or weekly. Depending on how well I'm doing. I seem to always need to be around people. Just to afraid to be alone. 

I'm starting a job very soon doing labor and pretty much putting product pieces together. For some reason the thought of being this meaningless machine thing makes me suicidal. I'll be alone again... And somehow its all making me realize I'd been suicidal for 4 years and I'm surprised I've stayed this long. 

Right now, I wish I could have a suicide partner so we can kill ourselves together. That way we don't have to go alone. Sad, I know. These are just my thoughts right now. Hopefully they go away. Thank you for listening. 

Apologizes if its a little bit if a sporadic story. I'm just spilling my guts and don't have the energy to go back and edit. Thanks for understanding.  ",1.4315525114155214,3.8935793759512975,2.751514155251144,90.93812054794522,84.00761035007609,5.695780821917808,20.32773211567732,7.087006719466742,0.5472214672754943,2578,76,523,36,75,831,297,657,0.221,0.6679999999999999,0.111,-0.9982,5,3,0,0,5,2,79.0,2,1,11,4,28,38,15,3,37,0,46,12,1,5,8,104,96,44,6,20,17,1,4,2,2,2,5,5,11,2,19,33,0,4,16,2,11,14,14,23,1,1,31,11,91,17,75,49,17,103,0,4,2,6,42,37,0,11,50,354,110,10,0.0,0.1407611993789908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594816292324547,0.18456490048601815,0.0,0.0,0.04942648041505306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228724106076075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287957992421136,0.0,0.0,0.16742788911297962,0.13702735641970415,0.0,0.07242072824332009,0.0,0.1010919356919512,0.06692470738776025,0.0,0.0,0.06485062523049595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065517275359219,0.06793904296507061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511687948452001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897078050396772,0.0,0.0,0.03830880055646287,0.06123993409809138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039233871636991054,0.0537317030022104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239923123975832,0.0,0.06006997005993817,0.04243616345458602,0.11406875811728275,0.06507101035752222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045893148722947336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127705579916413,0.0,0.14252547748863886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252820366696115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694936590512268,0.0,0.03981531059938314,0.0,0.17875246391131913,0.11799740667602353,0.058498125980008364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894643399101648,0.05279843414437547,0.06571852504286423,0.0,0.06529059101414066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587027793001415,0.05804076184757055,0.059535515489764365,0.2098090667217044,0.05256811137390356,0.0,0.0,0.0648433263922838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079301401751291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695698598154095,0.18965359088012654,0.0,0.04366664919045282,0.17618067577973104,0.09162759296931984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056996965223685025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517721938289412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432561141449022,0.0,0.08236249803954407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043228196321771,0.0,0.05683883810196366,0.0,0.059714520279014464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107423230843876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145644341259986,0.05650405646544907,0.0,0.059470871757794835,0.12023418522597515,0.0,0.108153075624904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913721040700986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033036608067276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408882001685403,0.0633136776045712,0.047437801614415576,0.09932397225844006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248758550435755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044662240688979365,0.04774436057071663,0.05191918663911285,0.10937711899026616,0.0,0.0,0.07892691344724946,0.0,0.0,0.09431568923544882,0.06927452758147573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065890633966986,0.06461134809285587,0.0,0.06183864836500951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430849458574661,0.0,0.09429966934055972,0.0952959717044541,0.0,0.05340872991665014,0.2202616890791624,0.0,0.0,0.06830834271499721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843936857049262,0.0,0.0,0.07650473207530292
suicidewatch,chloe_O_0,2018/03/21,"I tried to die last week I got pretty close. My body took over, I walked to my nearest emergency department (less than 10 minutes walk). I was found in the car park. I was on a ventilator for two days and luckily walked away with only confusion and fatigue which is expected to clear up. I don't have a clear reason for posting this. Things aren't as bad as I thought they were and I'm so fortunate that respiratory depression was the only issue I had (from the overdose, and also for what had to be pumped into me while they figured that out). I don't feel great but I'm not sad I survived.",2.782,4.469013200000003,4.331666666666667,85.38,75.33333333333334,7.8000000000000025,26.166666666666664,8.548686976883017,1.7768166666666665,464,17,97,9,10,155,84,120,0.128,0.742,0.129,0.0198,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,1,5,0,12,2,1,1,2,19,19,10,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,6,4,5,0,1,10,1,15,1,19,8,1,20,0,3,0,0,2,9,0,1,4,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687139938463894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077986458020309,0.0,0.1846696227112451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567255304814856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426378290995716,0.0,0.19049536819040905,0.0,0.2295419170936457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183135466219056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425039987125081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689168376507355,0.2438432291241573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23084640706247794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028493478159632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33642298395813264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182191492940064,0.22501173050463336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740194900017446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469370409424915,0.0,0.0,0.17558609206187578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457305507554253,0.15016146591276186,0.0,0.2160531884921264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774110691069962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadowColonist,2018/03/21,"Just been too long... I've never liked life, but youth comes with a lot of pre-packaged hope. Sometimes that runs out fast, sometimes it goes slowly and some folks tend to have a lot more or less than others...   
But it does run out, and for me it has been constantly dwindling over the past few decades, almost exhausted after my first ten years of life before I desperately started hanging onto each drop of it for as long as I could.   
Still, I don't actually have any left. I don't like life, I don't like people. I'm either overwhelmed by feelings of inferiority or disgusted by my absolute incredulity at the stupidity of others, never really anything in between.   
My head has been so filled with dreams and wishes for so long that there is nothing that this world can do to satisfy me. If I want it, I obviously can't have it and if I don't want it then it doesn't matter anyhow.   
The only reason I haven't killed myself up until now is that the odds of surviving are insanely high and survival of a suicide attempt is a devastating event that could cripple you and prevent future attempts. The odds of survival are growing every day as fail safes are added to medication, as it becomes harder to find supplies for the act and even finding a secluded area to commit to the act becomes harder in this era of disgusting overpopulation and security.   
I don't want to live anymore, it feels like I'm trapped in a coffin and scratching my nails bloody in a vain attempt to escape. Everyone believes I'm a corpse, no one will help, just the pain of suffocation, thirst and starvation magnified over the decades, never ceasing, always present.   
I just don't want it anymore.",8.191745283018866,7.283867380503148,8.302759433962263,70.93545990566037,62.301886792452834,10.968867924528306,37.48506289308175,10.125756701596842,3.745144025157233,1329,56,238,24,16,435,176,318,0.209,0.669,0.122,-0.9912,0,1,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,0,8,10,17,4,1,17,0,28,8,2,1,5,52,42,24,3,10,10,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,20,16,1,3,5,1,0,8,13,10,0,3,3,3,19,7,45,36,8,47,0,3,0,0,2,15,0,10,27,171,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.10993150776776922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280409594517544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937349818913474,0.0,0.0,0.07660680907702286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343981971116664,0.0,0.0,0.09270249653407817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488292222807337,0.0958580368445614,0.12691954155742194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703919878454796,0.0,0.1217361338747649,0.0,0.17988593888050478,0.0,0.0,0.07265082798300297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985819916866767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440518152493776,0.0,0.09491365580004918,0.10764323197362873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391985649189056,0.08047817646636307,0.0,0.0,0.2059226616251742,0.09582121590706702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561282741940924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550785301101323,0.119022379917991,0.0,0.11188824983211322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463207380112876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239606628048624,0.0,0.23870702755593065,0.22014311822555416,0.0,0.09947324240292227,0.2990788091515311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915443688933081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348442522539624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606510931671926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809204819440787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763354981979722,0.08567645936341678,0.1198690228759506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075384997836146,0.07809829060690675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216736588201877,0.11582439233759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228302130041601,0.0,0.07973523458838133,0.0,0.08996354662425744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322233804117352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657788371849589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954354049996625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254380258782182
suicidewatch,throwawayaccntfrvntn,2018/03/21,I'm very tired Living for other people doesn't feel much like living at all.,4.821249999999999,5.1344136250000005,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.0,6.4,16.0,3.1291,-0.6523000000000003,62,0,12,0,1,20,15,16,0.306,0.6940000000000001,0.0,-0.6489,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962807444193964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896502350632564,0.0,0.6855585205217152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28536463064158657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691223653235066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44616779233381615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202977580254613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,undrctrl00,2018/03/21,"Too long We all have that one girl that we can never get over right? Yeah well that applies for me in many ways. Ever since grade 6 i've like this girl (I'm in grade 11 now.) However between those years there have been on and off periods with her and I. I used to be crazy obsessed. She tends to always go for my best mates at the time and in the end it fucks me over. So Basically this year I've realised that she's a shit person basically and just shut her out of my life. But when it comes to girls I just have such high expectations, due to the fact that in my eyes this girl was perfect. So I struggle. I miss what we have and I don't think it'll ever be the same. I just keep going through girl after girl and nothing comes from it. I'm sick of it. I just want a girl who's going to respect and love me. But it's so difficult. I feel as if I need someone in my life like that due to my problems worseing each day, and I feel like the only way I can make them better is by talking about them with someone. Someone that'll understand and not take me as a fucking joke. But I know that this will never be achievable because I'm a fucking psychopath. Shit is getting really bad for me and honestly I just feel that I'm not loved. I'm getting quite close to ending it all. I just need somebody to stop me, because I'm on a pretty destructive path at the moment. ",1.876252873563217,3.30328873448276,3.4045689655172424,92.17524425287355,77.17241379310343,6.350574712643678,23.46264367816092,6.996647511020387,0.6151609195402297,1063,33,243,11,24,351,150,290,0.14,0.731,0.129,-0.5572,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,0,2,5,18,24,6,2,11,1,17,11,3,2,8,56,51,20,0,6,12,0,3,3,1,3,3,0,0,8,23,20,0,2,6,1,0,5,5,12,1,1,2,4,35,12,36,43,5,43,0,1,1,5,22,17,5,1,22,161,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474646012932277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507418318711762,0.13882452449421245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949638444457475,0.10070610228043406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961726645294269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343479070420858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170471711853424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599842891621656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272371941499387,0.08134660277301158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158046014629382,0.17847241295434,0.0,0.19413970909343367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203067301647178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121021552704408,0.0,0.0,0.06257832164453697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085524964509798,0.16688898386313888,0.0,0.0,0.10076870589483594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553881425465265,0.0,0.07600710222672277,0.1154432590859586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886186547320542,0.17564248983768466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925845109160544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715922156841842,0.08660097945617498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942426650440583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584366812022072,0.0,0.10895533452518742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111156355139913,0.0,0.0,0.07294611164596719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724179012883152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376566464196355,0.09419195353582216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28943740175991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519790503436504,0.0,0.11903850458338762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561380804763613,0.09152197601825857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296137156595321,0.0,0.0,0.06639675949369249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853955577185302,0.0,0.09834452260577467,0.0,0.0,0.06716170284684017,0.18076463843584945,0.0,0.0,0.10238010186265507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160401941132025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466532208324028
suicidewatch,NParentsThrowaway123,2018/03/21,"Idk I’ve been depressed for a long time, been diagnosed by 13 therapists all of which my parents don’t believe because it’s just “bullshit” and a phase. But I think I’ve figured out why I’ve been suicidial lately. I used to game or write or listen to music to distract myself from my mind (weird isn’t it?). But then i got into drugs which was a great time, but now I’m in a place where drugs aren’t very available. Now that I’ve seen how well drugs distract me from myself, other distractions really just don’t cut it. My problem is I have nothing that I ENJOY doing. It’s weird, I’m  weird and IDK what to do. I have extremely narcissistic parents and I don’t even feel safe at home, and since I’ve recently moved the people here are so weird for me and I have no one to feel safe with. I mean, I probably won’t end up ending it all, but the thoughts are really overwhelming and IDK what to do ",3.468885232414647,4.246792860962569,4.722673796791443,86.82392019744961,72.2620320855615,8.106787330316743,26.149321266968325,8.384062270229773,1.5187707939119712,703,22,153,11,13,233,102,187,0.199,0.733,0.068,-0.9636,3,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,16,1,4,6,0,19,4,0,2,2,32,30,15,0,1,8,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,12,9,0,2,6,1,0,1,7,11,1,1,7,4,17,5,18,22,2,18,0,2,1,0,5,7,0,2,10,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759778285366808,0.0,0.0,0.16189994570619462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376802950605748,0.1458518035189083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999368326941172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545499230065293,0.0,0.0,0.0949120576810226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453174062447283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149294880163606,0.15842902776998086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414215283459408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620991126958035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271693924338128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653070630436616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509536759815034,0.0,0.0,0.15272965512142214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788339068360464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737439059465547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31912221900586657,0.0,0.0,0.09962302773749196,0.0,0.1501352236698876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549321911765652,0.13750085972574722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411495148320875,0.0,0.14188576054584753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886957758299725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668460073823558,0.0,0.09207673365244066,0.0,0.1140812232318713,0.16758447951487634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411009030940275,0.0,0.1185670035029226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920296272111725,0.0,0.12966630180610894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,floopygoob,2018/03/21,"Being passively presecuted in a psychological devastating manner. What do I do? Let's keep this as 'IF' it was real, and what I were to do. Now nobody would probably believe me, that some outsider redditor would be presecuted like this, but let me brief:

(Im danish, sorry if my grammar isn't perfect)

Since 25/26 January (can't remember due to psychological stress they've put onto me). I was forced into the psychiatry department here in Denmark. Some days before the event, I had started to follow Russian Media, and was suspecious about some weird things happening in my real life, after I started to theorize about some events that might take place in the future. Not particularly good things. But then I was sent into the department and from that point the mess started. So a Russian doctor were dealing with my medical 'case' first of. He was actually a calm dude. Nothing there. But I had all sorts of conpiracies, because that's how I've always have been throughout my whole life, which included Russians. I like to question things. But I couldn't believe the fact that I was sent to psychiatric confinement, because of the fact, that I stayed home, doing no harm to others. I will admit that I was frustrated because I tried to talk to family about the situation going on in this world, as it IS true that there are political tension around the world. I hope you all can agree with me on that part. My family told me that they would send doctors to see me, whereas I thought it didn't make any sense, as I was talking in the matters of political issues around the world, and told the doctors they couldn't reach me by empathic/medicine rendering measures, but that I would gladly recieve evidence instead of, if we were to go down that path. So obviously they couldn't, which got them frustrated about that fact, and also because I said; try to reach me with Logos, as of which they obviously couldnt, and then decided that I should be involuntary put into the psychiatrist department. (So all of this happened in my appartment where I was in NO HARM to others). All of this happened without me being able to even react, before the next day where I was gathered up by the police as soon as I left my appartment to visit my family. Also I have to mention that I used cannabis, which the doctors obviously noticed and because my family told them - So they probably quickly identified this as (Hashpsykose)[https://kabs.dk/brugere-og-paaroerende/stoffer/hvad-er-en-hashpsykose/] It's in danish sorry, but I havent heard of this term in any other country than Denmark. But it's basically just that they mean you become psychotic by the exposure of cannabis/THC. Obviously that's not really the point im worried about. It's the point that since I was put into the psychiatry I've been passively manipulated with, in the sense of I told most of my weaknesses inside the psychiatry and it has been following me ever since. I was advocating against democracy, big pharma, feminism was a failure, and all in all, conspired about things out of my hands. Nobody liked what I said, so obviously I am an easy target for the majority. Especially by the fact that I live in a democracy and also the fact that this is a site based on democracy, my odds are pretty low obviously. But I'll give it a try anyway, since I havent done any harm to any and this passive psychological pressure keeps on going, after I left the psychiatrist department. The Russian doctor was apparently removed after some days and I was put into a schizophrenic department, even though I wasn't having any schizophrenic tendencies, as I always said that I was just using physolophically measures, and didnt say anything was true - Simply theorized. They didn't like that I was frustrated anout the fact that I was forced to take medications, whereas I told them that the only thing I actually needed was freedom - So basically, they poured the governments money down my throat, for their own needs, not mine. This has all happened involuntary, and I didnt have a say in the whole process. Freedom of speech? The fact that I spoke freely, made me captured and a toyed piece of human. I was even clamped to a bed so they could inject me medicine, even though I did no force, I was just verbally aggressive, because my situation was unreal to me. Later on I got put into the schizophrenic department, before I leaked to my best friend who have been responsible for my case in the confinement department, and he is the son of a police chief around my region, simply because I asked for help. I leaked the documents that a Russian doctor was responsible for my case, I was put into the schizophrenic department. (Not that it has anything to do with anything, but it was merely a cry for help). There have also been security outside my room even though I hurt nobody, but only tried to escape the first day from the confinement, where I was assaulted by 6 doctors and injected with 2 needles (1 in the wrist that they kept lying about didnt happen). I harmed no one, but they told me that I hit a doctor after they injected the stuff into me, where I was unconscious. Im not an aggressive person, never have been, and I couldnt see a point in being aggressive physically, as I was the one who was locked up anyway. Days were going and didnt take any pills, since I became very hostile against the part that they could just decide my fate, because of the simple fact that they didnt like my opinions. - In the schizophrenic department or whatever it was, things became seriously fucked. At that point 'they' (I don't know who) started to use psychological methods to toy with my brain. I had told them that I was very vulnerable to provoked noise. So that became their grand method to break me down. Obviously I've been surveyed, so everything I did, like EVERYTHING I did, they communicated to me via provocating with sliding chairs underneath me to control whatever I did. I even have problems explaining how it went, because the psychological stress was immense. It became directly torture. Which resulted in me destroyed my Mac computer, iPhone, and also making me delete video's from my company's website which is my earnings to live for. Around 30+ persons were involved in this ''project'' of toying and torturing me passively. (I think). As I kept trying to tell the chief psycichian that strange things were happening, and obviously being verbally aggressive towards them, they acted like nothing was happening or perhaps didn't know what was happening. But the fact was that it did happen, and nobody trust me. As an example it would be like; if we were to sit in a class, and there were a line of bullies in the back, throwing papers in the neck of a victim, and then keeping quiet when the teachers turned, so that the victim would be unable to verify that it did happen, because he had no evidence of it. Passive aggressive bullying. Unlike that, this was just tortur, and me being unable to leave the department, as they wanted to force the medicine inside me. The worst part was, that I already was offered by doctors to be helped out around Aspergers Syndrome - BEFORE I was confined - Likewise I told them when I was inside the psychiatry, but they didn't listen to me. Days went by, around like 15-20 days under the psychological pressure and the only thing that kept me in hope, were the fact that they shouldnt be able to keep me in there forever. But when I then got out. It continued. My apartment is bugged, and the local people were also in on this. (as in police cars alarming far away from my apartment, firestation people holding down my street with the lights blinking, whenever I smoke cigarettes people are walking past my apartment and signaling via coughs or spitting on the ground - I know my city perfectly enough to know, that I am being followed, been living here for 10+ years. Suddenly when I go workout, early in the morning in a gym where there most likely would be no one, suddenly it's filled, and that is basically everywhere I go. Also garbage trucks, craftsman cars etc. were keeping me up at night by keeping the car idle right outside my window all the night around, when I go visit my friends apartments and my family, I can hear by clicks that it's being bugged there as well, which they also hear, but wont believe me that it's actually true, even though they're telling me they hear it too, they just dont know that it's 24/7 following me >PASSIVELY< - Neighbors are knocking on the walls and upstairs on floor when I have conversations with my dad for example.).... Like... I could continue forever but you would probably just think, ah, he's probably just paranoid. But I am not stupid. But what do you do, when the local authorities are passively manipulating your life and directly after you? What are my options to actually continue my OWN life, alone?
Also a doctor who weren't apart of the psychiatry came to visit me at the psychiatry, talking to me about my situation, and got quiet emotional about my situation, probably because he didn't have authority from his position to do anything about it. And he was clearly on my side. But yet just another visitor who couldn't do anything about my situation apparently. But I deeply felt many was on my side, except those who were keeping me inside the department - Their only topic was about whatever they could put into my throat.the computer I got from my father was hacked, because when I tried calling Apple about getting it cleaned up, something overrided my computer saying - ''Are you still on our side?'', which made me hang up the phone. And When I came out of the psychiatry weird phone calls have happened - Where women call me and said ''oh sorry, I thought I called 'Insert some woman name'''.

I am in a deep state where I want to kill myself. This is no joke.
",8.887756602513507,8.144450695580112,8.70670086819258,68.06631746706333,60.82872928176796,12.066541193613016,38.12215408900492,11.296441437325008,4.375665047659524,7829,330,1344,186,91,2537,571,1810,0.121,0.8,0.079,-0.9972,3,1,5,0,0,1,252.0,3,7,33,7,98,67,19,6,97,1,176,31,6,16,34,240,278,116,1,31,44,3,2,11,3,13,24,16,6,5,119,71,0,17,17,7,1,50,41,38,2,5,121,22,218,29,217,117,30,228,0,2,3,1,120,118,1,22,67,1020,337,18,0.0582459601586347,0.0,0.11367931006812652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030162624330926518,0.03213793270630254,0.20960672982828465,0.0484653048385681,0.0,0.0,0.11882775074085615,0.030537983892575168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982865583278927,0.1814793869064634,0.0272260550608314,0.0,0.027361998454399496,0.02239377402671758,0.0,0.213037180159483,0.032164043421266164,0.09912604415464683,0.09843487693871704,0.03056277084815685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032510877316302575,0.1189512752214323,0.06661786152064186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03266389853621441,0.09300931933951187,0.0,0.03199022610733821,0.13147339006991082,0.030024513676012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980860415751025,0.0,0.029802919903856875,0.034131915756322094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032759432743277736,0.0,0.030091823485226456,0.03247982110055225,0.13464817573915722,0.02634340280381803,0.0,0.0,0.05234771326938899,0.0,0.13727276869964075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02796262796929449,0.0,0.0,0.049543983955972135,0.0,0.0,0.0450006843332099,0.026923725801879926,0.015215555084767974,0.02793741620677986,0.11585882502890744,0.02442697396010031,0.11646153802145626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832869061442378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847114542933587,0.0,0.058561558983279985,0.0,0.02921272356220876,0.0578513808457651,0.0,0.0,0.031176752510710018,0.0,0.09437344804240616,0.03039682481504153,0.0,0.18120089970221995,0.03222026252928844,0.0,0.08002614109932889,0.0,0.0,0.03083703087763425,0.06328440613773592,0.059560440546740916,0.08228168839545827,0.15650818709030476,0.0,0.07714837490329897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511373583049897,0.038879630693181635,0.029526130767956814,0.0,0.03172346300054215,0.0,0.058676677074028676,0.0,0.030894879597776106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043188641425746285,0.02246143761194187,0.0,0.030972619707359525,0.0546598879193281,0.0,0.055888569674442466,0.033156705846115096,0.0,0.0,0.059203455031181865,0.08859735472825614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461204823662936,0.02780117981959239,0.06057062238549722,0.05085812575910437,0.030427315672547688,0.0,0.13765314777004373,0.0,0.0,0.029628540640996626,0.1569974911128857,0.02786675879153564,0.0,0.204936471605504,0.03262440279593521,0.0,0.0,0.06629665432402221,0.01865692677533541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0329906592441928,0.02487086586247731,0.11081049260305556,0.06947928800970675,0.0,0.0,0.04641448911654844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045415035091755,0.16367724907092626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02242029288513274,0.0,0.09780237559589597,0.08245358078118664,0.031041221828753088,0.023257649511029828,0.0,0.06672055056915879,0.0,0.033338844578880394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569056986016919,0.07022384468662986,0.05090953647326204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478411119166952,0.03732165940086223,0.11445272024993207,0.04624078622907117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226260440294464,0.0,0.11863555074742063,0.031677439452045326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545871255960332,0.0,0.048059017141292994,0.034354976402353785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02618505662060928,0.05399458860835848,0.0,0.06502953443396077,0.0,0.02807351354049425,0.0,0.0,0.029575799933640925,0.0,0.1655050357538254,0.0,0.0,0.018754244336671902
suicidewatch,ididsomethingbad012,2018/03/21,"I tried to kill my self today. One week ago my father told me that I stole his money. I did not steal it. But I could not to prove it.  He humiliated me and I got mad and I wanted to put him outside for one, or two hours. But my mother tried to stop me. Then he fell on floor. He started to scream: help, this thief will kill me!. I hurt and humiliated me a lot. I spat on his face and I kicked him with fist in stomach.

After that I left a room. I cant remember where I was. Than I came back to room. I started to swear and to search this money and to trow things everywhere.

After that I realized what mistake I made. Feeling of guilt started to kill me. I cant forgive my self what I did. How could I do this to other human being?

And this morning I decided to kill my self. I made suicide note. Then I made fire in fireplace. I opened a door of fireplace and smoke was going in room. Room was full of smoke. I was thinking there was carbon-monoxide and I will fall into sleep and die. I was waiting one hour but nothing happened. After one hour I changed my mind.",-0.6802664170506887,1.497735665178574,1.5566359447004636,96.77223502304147,94.13392857142858,3.9617511520737327,17.940092165898616,5.642373280135919,-0.4741665898617513,815,24,186,6,31,272,113,224,0.177,0.8,0.023,-0.9771,0,0,2,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,5,1,3,0,16,4,4,4,1,39,31,17,6,4,6,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,5,4,13,14,0,2,7,0,2,5,4,11,0,5,14,3,43,1,27,12,2,36,0,1,0,0,16,15,0,2,16,131,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964118902393525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363207954220928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439596574876312,0.0,0.0,0.11505689593756645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367690644480802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287888473344933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499387106429436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812553403230476,0.0,0.08698775471966401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617881469950673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729015864433598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213291161394735,0.0,0.1164331051448792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813208448929392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181713828490477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246646414762706,0.0,0.3087427112561751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981968566492414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043610893576207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948026568714501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109336915787159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320734480791184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403907755431199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884160730992637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309491608539825,0.0,0.0,0.0909307881879078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896913460314228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225734418195623,0.06969097714249067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309466348169677,0.10392776470049477,0.0,0.14768595659377842,0.0,0.10624570565970952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415127069971413,0.0,0.08724316618823341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilentHuman,2018/03/21,"I feel like I want to kill myself today... I am such a loser and a stupid human being. I am worthless. I was supposed to get certain documentation for employment, and I didn't get it because I am too stupid and coward to ask for anything. Also, it required blood and urine analysis... Because I drank excessively last night, due to my low self esteem, it will show in the analysis. This corporation is asking to many documents for employment... I am not worth anything. I should kill myself.",3.4489621489621527,6.020046692307695,5.080805860805863,76.64474969474969,76.58241758241758,7.560927960927963,27.69352869352869,8.515128840125781,2.461401953601954,383,16,65,8,9,129,59,91,0.289,0.652,0.058,-0.976,2,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,4,0,3,0,10,3,2,0,1,10,17,5,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,1,13,2,9,11,0,6,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,47,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779514298019553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659130164939282,0.0,0.4156922175794176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710574412681032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241541459506282,0.15883074034533826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323137825423849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919446593296474,0.0,0.0,0.18122650619709504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108617938380818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254050898679303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863920581829296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319359679934653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107403809468878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311344619489918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oparte,2018/03/21,"I was blind about my life for 2/3 years I made a throwaway account because I need to take this out of my chest. I posted first in r/confessions, but I wanna give hope for everyone out there. 

I was a happy person during my young years. Even tho my father died when I was young with a heart attack in front of me, I still managed to be happy with my lovely mother and sister by my side. I always spent time with friends, even tho I was a quite but not shy person.

My sister went for big things and everyone expected the same for me. I wasn't like her. She was outgoing, disciplined and focused, while I was quiet, sometimes lazy and desorganised. Even tho, I managed to end up my high school with good grades and went to one of the biggest universities in my country in my subject.

After 2 years, I studied abroad, met lovely people, dated for a long time with a girl (from my country) that i loved. After a while, everything broke down: we broke up, I ended up demotivated in college. My mom didn't forced me to follow what I studied, but I felt that I would disappoint her if I didn't and I was ok with study that. 

But I got demotivated after 2 years. The classes began to fall, got depression and gambling, the biggest regret in my life, became a part of me. It was a way to fulfill the emptiness in me. I got money from the bank, pawned some stuff my father saved for me (i can still get it back) and I went to the worst moments for my life. I gambled for some years and kept a fake life. I lied to everyone and I said that I finished college and started working, but I didn't and I still have 1y and half to finish college. 

I felt lost. I cried. Felt like a big shit when my mom discovered that I gambled, but I couldn't stop. Now I've debt, no degree and hopeless.

I'm not able to tell anyone face to face this last years. I'm too scared of disappointing the ones I love and I couldn't handle the faces after I tell my story. My mom raised me as a hard worker and single mom, so I can't disappoint her. Sometimes I thought about suicide, but I still love life, my mom, sister, dog and some friends too much to do that. That's the only reason but its enough. I tried and searched for ways to die, but I would regret the seconds before I would do it. 

But everything changed 3/4 days ago. I decide that was it. I'm not doing nothing with my life and I'm just wasting time. I'm looking for a job. Probably call-center, because I've just casual experience on temporary work. I want to fuckin change my life and end this spiral of bad decisions and problems. I'm still young (between 20-30) so I know I can do it. 

I'm scared and I can't tell anyone this for the reasons I said, but I wanted to take this out of my chest and this seems like the perfect way to do it. Let's see if there's enough time to turn around.

Don't ever give up. I'm trying to make a new start by my own, you can do the same. ",2.3270529113147767,3.806222584307178,3.7748799018772807,89.77171714762699,76.07846410684473,6.425689073626112,23.2428537358182,7.043009809895983,0.6769647439610238,2244,66,488,23,49,741,251,599,0.191,0.682,0.126,-0.9917,2,0,0,0,1,2,80.0,1,1,0,7,27,37,3,2,28,1,33,21,7,4,2,90,82,46,3,16,18,11,4,3,2,3,8,3,0,3,24,35,0,3,10,1,8,6,13,19,0,5,31,10,87,18,74,44,12,79,0,10,3,6,35,23,2,7,49,329,111,12,0.05983181929860747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303729776281535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497848666835524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367159842535445,0.0,0.0,0.0532630042580848,0.0,0.06806733205404904,0.0,0.04600697584283149,0.049957069937575545,0.07294584341112441,0.0,0.05091247140139545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061094977102309725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658826280360985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572244401372816,0.03858657368468938,0.0,0.05153305828946697,0.0,0.12419196441185075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897969862119513,0.12364452677782865,0.0,0.11855505707820953,0.05412130599189065,0.0,0.17151560212831798,0.10754596241521774,0.058527000100031513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723437882266579,0.0,0.0,0.05089291493029646,0.0,0.0,0.09245183034171836,0.0,0.031259656116249535,0.1147922660113444,0.0,0.05018409132623251,0.14355891490142464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738416842305347,0.05359755792456017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090099394782794,0.0,0.06321560208380737,0.0,0.05942649679929106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059373848452697386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032882003149261124,0.04877091837490942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118208896260707,0.2958268838540295,0.08769241406211138,0.0,0.0,0.05294927728171545,0.05024365918208043,0.0,0.06531349860741359,0.0,0.2700027645359077,0.05661431409321108,0.0399382039835115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35037151816385026,0.0,0.0,0.04398327152183916,0.04436453588368791,0.0,0.05778594391425983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741024429010388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810871784327812,0.04550479470162711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479202973216505,0.0,0.04147984997303439,0.10448567358138007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057302343845612225,0.0,0.06450882082134153,0.057250970605070166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363850466828082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230341504288018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382752300346162,0.0,0.11980417772634877,0.06055299539857285,0.04767821352923174,0.05446864116347405,0.0,0.0,0.06141650270367395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835039836396165,0.0,0.0846985393044765,0.0,0.2389088408988984,0.050022080025157165,0.0,0.0,0.06849311845955458,0.0654462992154451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997216390153441,0.0,0.1568869417835079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039749602143620236,0.0,0.0,0.04749978124402464,0.13955365995105282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124375567997424,0.06507983825746523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058071442260648,0.14247513965185293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639408775746828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871165540858297,0.0,0.0,0.12750842331291434,0.0,0.0,0.23117837979031194
suicidewatch,LowKey__Trash,2018/03/21,"Corrosion of my Brain. I don’t have a bank account nor a license my individual dependency is so low I honestly couldn’t function without- I dont know my Mum? I’ve lived so long without meaning, at first it was awesome no stress in the world no one is dependent on you, in a way your virtually free from all of life’s modern stress. 

Year goes by still living in the state of not having to worry about getting a job having to find food etc but coming onto three years and I’m 18- still here not progressed with living independently ⏳, it’s not just that days become repetitive, 3 years of memories similarity blur into one, and it’s of me starring at my ceiling. 

Guys I feel- I can’t even describe how I feel into language, my brain feels just like it’s deteriorating, I have no self confidence to be able to get a job. One failure is enough for me to slowly self-destruct even if things go good afterwards. 

I’m so lazy but not in the cleanliness sense but in doing something active with my life, I do push to make things better but even if things go good it’s this self destructive behaviour I can’t seem to tackle. Being brought up quite roughly has made me have a “Nothing Really Matters” vibe to it, not that I dear show or express that’s the way I feel about things those thoughts are %100 lurking with every action I do..

I want— I don’t know what I want, I want not this. ",2.5972661870503586,4.59256143165468,4.154713669064751,85.08129352517987,76.76978417266187,6.894043165467626,25.148776978417267,7.839951260653429,1.3875373812949643,1090,39,221,17,25,363,159,278,0.122,0.757,0.121,0.2017,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,4,15,11,1,2,10,0,22,5,2,6,1,47,43,14,0,5,17,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,17,8,1,0,10,1,3,6,18,4,0,5,4,5,27,8,35,36,3,34,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,7,12,150,44,2,0.10184465198403037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124794165884303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007331836201847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273846273256768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773014974246285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568137513185725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936117362589453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523275029104086,0.11358370838012287,0.20180229634698935,0.0,0.08580851182036768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598286453009884,0.07275783972691496,0.0,0.0,0.09308416684196552,0.08662900895025162,0.1231509574401178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641925435732136,0.0,0.11576132546690088,0.17084492419483888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084221745756547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213020441309765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194231452534924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387177920100933,0.04975615258731893,0.0,0.2697920807472585,0.0901293121415705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636787220795508,0.0679820960360236,0.0,0.0,0.11093868279342003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977226903441306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070377158340673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108324323691023,0.0,0.0,0.06524429194232763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271554614863856,0.3187385505378472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840498877681816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266654126509356,0.0,0.2333254095010924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706442454384729,0.0,0.0,0.08085327751730009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021184333237936,0.16167908853315666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963492203554479,0.0,0.0,0.10342818774683492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967538503089132
suicidewatch,BeautifullyBroken818,2018/03/21,"Please my husband take me with you from this pain I am barely breathing without you. I don’t care if you want to talk to girls, I promise you I won’t argue with you anymore. You’ve left me . It’s been over a year , and I still remember how I found you . Why would you want me to find you like that? I just wanted to see you chase me when I said I’m done. I took my shoes to the car only to get some attention from you, just to have you chase me . How did you not think of me? How did you say you’re going to kill yourself and let me come back inside the house and see you hanging?

How baby? How? Why would you hurt me like this? I remember that day exactly each and every day. I remember everything even after a year and 3 months. 

I just want to be in your arms again. I’ll give up everything just to have you back 

Life is done . Nothing makes me even a little bit happy anymore. These memories are killing me alive and the way I found you , that image , haunts me everyday and night. It hurts . 

Please take me . Please . I’m begging you baby. I cannot continue with this pain . Everybody thinks I’ve moved on but nobody cares to ask or see the fake smile that I’ve been putting on. Your dog is the only reason  I’m still hanging on . I know you see me suffering and unhappy everyday, so why won’t you take me too? Why won’t you take this misery away from me? 

I love you so much and I’d do anything in this world to spend just one more day with you. 

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suicidewatch,latenightmadness,2018/03/21,"Just got broken up with Sorry if this comes off as a ramble. My boyfriend of two years just came over to end things with me. He didn't think I could handle a relationship while also simultaneously work on my own mental health. He said he loves me and I shouldn't beat myself up over it. I just don't know what to do at this point. I felt my depression getting better in the last month or so, but this happened and I feel like I'm about to lose control and spiral back into it. He made me happy and right now I can't imagine being happy without him.",2.751754385964912,4.144898736842109,4.048245614035089,88.59938596491232,74.78947368421053,6.119298245614036,20.561403508771924,6.42735559955562,0.10839298245614072,432,9,93,3,9,142,82,114,0.077,0.775,0.149,0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,5,8,7,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,2,0,25,20,11,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,6,3,14,5,18,11,1,20,0,2,0,1,8,11,0,2,8,66,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371586989851518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381876739109158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589409346038843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554300747774315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480624280947491,0.0,0.0,0.20156263764188967,0.1434856567301959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478594982779473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917176579606648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086794401538452,0.12838651063655945,0.17255200087769704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389226496252573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437323518587962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891900279875232,0.3826141928474716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102578249441327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876518605027597,0.14648951906231386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779835736413441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010521069885523,0.0,0.0,0.16219737679866375,0.17004813359889226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110774034860674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344465180535595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988622171647494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294376618330866,0.0,0.15347333136369534,0.1709475611331722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117321850906708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939287376497065,0.1151523921994441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555281428496736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323625441781476,0.0,0.13083270251647114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572883595903315
suicidewatch,jeremy1051,2018/03/21,I have no idea why but everytime I contemplate suicide I listen to Doll Parts by Hole. It just makes me feel less alone. ,1.213750000000001,3.7751962083333375,2.2800000000000007,92.965,86.91666666666666,6.533333333333335,20.5,7.793537801064563,0.9713500000000002,95,3,20,2,3,30,22,24,0.355,0.645,0.0,-0.8723,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41488886763577176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254957842569696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522156488592821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739592973433474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337983009140726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381787932579622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361468807427181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ParadoxicalDoughnut,2018/03/21,I just overdosed on prozac I only took 100mg so I don't know what will happen. I realized after I took it that I don't actually want to die but I don't know what to do. ,-2.0047500000000014,-0.24270197499999924,1.9850000000000032,95.08,93.75,5.2,15.5,6.742157984588678,-0.37665000000000015,131,3,34,2,5,49,25,40,0.117,0.883,0.0,-0.3738,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,11,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.3104068582453628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301239066414105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812831303189936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34962440248810234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191936521752996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7068123367065149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761585171052508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,disgruntledpeach,2018/03/21,"I want to stop existing but everyone considers this unfair and reminds me how good and easy I have it compared to so many. This often feels like the problem. I rarely have to scrap or fight for things I want and it has left this empty, pointless feeling of a void to existence. I get how this sounds but I have no drive left..
I feel as if I'm getting worse every day and don't think I'm going to make it through the year. 
I'm sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest",1.5054555555555569,3.232990990000001,3.0213333333333345,93.19122222222224,79.1,6.044444444444442,22.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.4693777777777779,369,11,83,4,9,121,66,100,0.21600000000000005,0.648,0.136,-0.8775,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,3,0,22,20,12,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,4,10,2,11,20,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,4,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786819815658696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801159748470961,0.2042726676071432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242755613012779,0.15272201967114726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33506829336224964,0.0,0.12149414751366028,0.1793056388942499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645377234652496,0.0,0.0,0.10444043064942893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269751613115475,0.21673588181947387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851261307412282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455530010348175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23930536068094435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872677935769754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202364972240586,0.13697938996447248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521819118112176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785658163809474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766509794699164
suicidewatch,unfortunatelyedgy,2018/03/21,"Is it normal to think about suicide daily? Do ""normal"" (ie. neurotypical) people think about suicide? Thinking about it just makes me feel better. It's calming in a weird way",1.9684946236559144,4.457773645161293,2.792741935483871,84.24244623655915,102.87096774193549,3.3569892473118284,21.295698924731184,5.46131890053228,0.4898344086021513,137,5,21,1,6,43,24,31,0.272,0.59,0.138,-0.755,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290048349411096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092409814087358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283951523923155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073979254708604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951125605185414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5664604565227457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977406475134031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055286385372984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ocdriddenman,2018/03/21,"Suicidal after break - up. I'm 19 and male. I was with a lovely woman for 3 years. She was my best friend and we knew each other since we were 10.

We had the fairytale story. Middle school best friends turned boyfriend and girlfriend.

We were the golden couple. Our friends always said they could see us getting married, having children etc.

After a year of ldr, I moved cities to be with her. I was so in love and so was she.

The stress of the move was too much for me and I hastily initiated a break. We didn't make any rules for the break other than the fact that we were to remain exclusive.

10 days into the break, she made out and got felt up by a guy friend at a house party.

She immediately broke up with me the next day and confessed to ""cheating"" a week later.

After a lot of back and forth, we tried making our relationship work again.

But things were never the same. I was constantly depressed about what happened. Brought up what happened countless of times. Asked for details, went overboard with jealousy etc.

She couldn't take it anymore, she tried her best but she respectfully broke up with me.

She said she still loves me, but she isn't in love with me anymore. She wants to keep in touch and hang out, but she thinks we should date other people for now.

I don't know what to do. I'm literally alone on this city. I contemplate suicide everyday of my life.


",2.2135714285714267,4.638883122676582,2.808086829527351,92.04137081784387,80.2267657992565,5.329845990440787,21.503053637812,6.5431188927421005,0.3191953266064789,1076,32,220,10,28,334,151,269,0.079,0.785,0.136,0.9366,0,1,0,0,0,2,36.0,11,0,1,4,8,17,1,1,16,0,20,5,0,3,2,48,47,15,2,4,4,0,2,0,5,1,1,2,0,4,10,27,0,1,5,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,20,5,40,12,40,23,9,42,1,3,1,4,44,14,0,1,19,156,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671869165605416,0.0,0.0,0.08573779698904839,0.0,0.0,0.07007094802917832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437661068598306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632878569085596,0.0,0.0,0.07923164241787373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244033625039917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134997544977043,0.0,0.08226930756117623,0.11401214938288473,0.0,0.13290495853326606,0.0,0.08874847286287532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22983437880235436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893486188097976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184347690027234,0.0,0.053834312082790235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241075331869069,0.0,0.0,0.1020261124458385,0.1822364216257524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889468977568632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158696694558573,0.0,0.0,0.05662826273141351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727804221913398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760119158931527,0.3719916312626697,0.09749923805664384,0.1375604216040527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903109723883027,0.0757464879563389,0.0,0.07947104364532231,0.0,0.10958454463595396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143518086991571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062673722150386,0.0,0.0,0.19602987231180533,0.0,0.0,0.10428230047418834,0.08210979087989162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523601387569778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228812916213281,0.0,0.11803233341356788,0.0,0.0,0.2254187623514175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747349382582208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845540715510405,0.06602407366803792,0.0,0.0,0.060083636670232275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991522113322738,0.1120782746304326,0.0,0.0,0.123944812679557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077584783918553,0.0,0.08265272589976112,0.0,0.0,0.09551940490275472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501457698051786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270916990836715
suicidewatch,cherrysmoothie2123,2018/03/21,"I always have suicidal thoughts late at night and then they stop for a while I can't stand my life and myself anymore...I wish I could end it all but I don't have the guts. 

My depression is getting worse and worse and I wish I could disappear. I can barely be productive. I can't talk about this with my parents or my therapist or they will get too alarmed...

I don't have hope for anything anymore. Life, relationships, friendships...My anxiety is torturing me all fucking day, I can't even distract myself anymore.

I always get darker thoughts at night though, when I have more time to think.

How can I stop being pathetic and put an end to this crap?",2.3698737980769238,4.759578210937505,3.2765625000000007,89.10834134615385,79.390625,6.750961538461539,26.25240384615385,7.882392219407189,1.6283862980769237,513,21,103,9,13,163,75,128,0.299,0.647,0.054000000000000006,-0.9889,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,6,7,3,2,3,0,18,5,2,1,2,22,28,13,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,2,0,22,1,8,21,3,17,0,1,0,1,5,2,2,3,12,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367737233419115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884243504027913,0.0,0.28220349003311623,0.0,0.0,0.11708283729604305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22719513390936236,0.0,0.0,0.0917576698598383,0.0,0.12254400683595648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203251299623897,0.0,0.0,0.09397341051397028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153390503952408,0.2230034645692063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131435765180925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049600897398808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009906033722908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26703690863431395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579831057480258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302889043797148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275354273709935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379018952113903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556292602196444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143578293050425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519595852671132,0.0,0.09116612685172464,0.13978761100570467,0.2259059993986008,0.08296356371362493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272258211414033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28998728585742584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RubbishGal,2018/03/21,"Realizing you dont have anybody to fall back on sucks. Falling on hard times makes you realize how important a good support system is. Someone to call to rescue you to from a bad date, soneone to bring you food when your sick, someone that will let you cry in their lap when you need to. It hurts so fucking bad when you have no one to call or text to help you with these things.

99% of my online friends have been temporary and in real life i was always by myself or on the outskirts of a group. Hardly anyone ever really tried to get to know me.  And i ended up rarely feeling like i fit in. Always the ""shy girl"".

My depression has been getting worse lately after being better for several years. Ive struggled with it for 7 years now. Now if anything even remotely bad happens I just think about killing myself. I'll be looking at how ugly i am, or looking at a bad grade, or i'll just feel alone and I'll silently just wish i was dead. It seems easier.

I know it gets better, ive felt it before. But sometimes it is hard to keep on keeping on. Dont know what the point of this is but maybe it was relatable for some of you? Thank you for reading.

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suicidewatch,TA19962107,2018/03/21,"Afraid to die, but also afraid to live. Anyone else feel this way? I just don’t know what to do anymore. ",-0.6360606060606031,1.5458432727272748,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,93.54545454545452,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-1.8834121212121209,80,1,19,0,3,25,18,22,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043472364428661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37743005423413856,0.26610824095139185,0.3899460431559024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949787719117004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31792319360522997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924311327750804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091551298572181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33605640501780504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30208425563410546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrsaliciae,2018/03/21,"Should I die in the ocean? Im 19 years old in college, i have an eating disorder, i was abused as a child for 11 years, i was raped in college and i have many substance addictions that most people dont know about. Im just so tired of dealing with the disappointments of the world. Long story short, I went on a vacation with some college peers to feel better (spring break) and I think it would be best to die on the beach. I feel peaceful here. The rip currents are rough this week and it would be very easy to take some pills and walk into the ocean and slip away. The only thing that's holding me back is my boyfriend and dad. (I'm not sure how to leave them). What should I do? ",2.649941972920697,3.9508350000000014,3.13391360412637,95.42454545454548,74.88652482269505,6.2620245003223705,22.038039974210182,6.574015621080383,0.16039858156028375,529,13,123,4,11,164,94,141,0.18600000000000005,0.727,0.08800000000000001,-0.9345,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,6,5,1,0,10,0,14,5,0,1,1,25,21,9,2,4,2,1,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,7,9,1,1,4,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,3,12,3,18,12,4,20,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,3,8,77,19,3,0.0,0.1985044199644947,0.0,0.1826404925810312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574068998221975,0.12882591711051328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582016230291408,0.14817321319083354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272370014516802,0.0,0.0,0.3477547354507498,0.0,0.19201237214446154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635258196322364,0.0,0.0,0.17143258326575206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942388409077908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619382774408392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207417211262726,0.0,0.0,0.17739791332344454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826532457726627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698566248980106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580231571522215,0.0,0.0,0.12741974022350674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614933641014948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790201429677403,0.0,0.12596727253524298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130440236766376,0.10735119937054732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255959252907068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823589876521686,0.0,0.0,0.13438839446951284,0.0,0.0,0.1553088458465666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380275204165762,0.0,0.0,0.21577718195279505
suicidewatch,slytherinlostinspace,2018/03/21,Please stop My PTSD and depression has come back. It has me so depressed and messed in the head. I keep thinking that my family would be better without me. All I'm doing is destroying them anyways. ,2.7797368421052653,5.37781407894737,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.26315789473685,6.957894736842108,25.28947368421053,8.07648339933343,1.7934,157,6,29,3,4,50,33,38,0.324,0.573,0.103,-0.9043,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,9,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,2,8,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138446611355876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459602172828555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239561804597759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479060802641677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621715184827321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854147387669197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471914416164722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052744669032962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250884678691917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250723518146016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819769008281447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680821456352027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975569651903256,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Environmental_Sign,2018/03/21,"I am going to be homless I just checked my credit. 550. The only thing I have against me is about $2k in medical bills. Even though I pay my cell phone bill on time, and my electric (at my mom's house), it doesn't show that I am making payments. The only payment showing up on there is the small loan of $2k I've been paying on time every month, but that isn't helping.

Once my mom eventually dies (which may be soon cause she's 74), I will be homeless. No one will rent to me. My life is over. ",1.19752855659398,2.537308233644861,2.9419937694704075,95.14534787123571,78.81308411214954,5.503219106957425,22.16926272066459,5.82211442006289,0.02684091381100684,379,11,91,2,9,126,75,107,0.065,0.917,0.018000000000000002,-0.5472,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,15,2,0,2,0,6,17,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,15,1,12,10,0,13,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,4,59,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289109707502493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231265571785483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471791576483909,0.0,0.18774649323714876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664118307046612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936032644816186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711947346826103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739360494518778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874282122959456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448089996645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5219588553526645,0.17786325046501514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730997367316706,0.15099747212742531,0.3389492199593104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804040682542904,0.0,0.21893238443699986,0.0,0.25987153932366186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Enhextrium,2018/03/21,want to end it I've already been to the mental hospital it just made things worse my depression is back ten fold and i just want to see my old friends when my eyes close for the last time. ,0.1147500000000008,2.403230975000003,1.1000000000000014,101.425,89.25,5.2,18.0,6.742157984588678,-0.2159,149,4,36,2,5,46,31,40,0.149,0.725,0.125,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,7,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,4,1,4,4,0,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,6,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260472235765792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271903396381405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544790828106632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168967541434496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282714996010271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408391620416876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795711957064245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977539738270817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31003534624364365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354431980500132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962903548005568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228497864289294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485396765993495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010987662192976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,malachitebitch,2018/03/21,"Feeling like dying Not much to put here. Feeling like dying, again. Could use someone who understands. ",4.122156862745097,7.339545529411764,3.278823529411767,81.6480392156863,93.70588235294115,4.619607843137255,29.196078431372552,6.42735559955562,2.1465843137254903,82,4,11,1,3,24,14,17,0.0,0.619,0.381,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209038202825703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5742934366413063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979209116303083,0.39531575934023466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703405064764225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033891989439729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781364879155371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344272580902099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880301875209417,0.0,0.23895982318608264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordTimeDeath,2018/03/21,"I've survived three times and wish I hadn't, but let's talk about the experience At one point, I just really wanted out. Psychologists used to talk to me about what they called *The Essential Question*

* Is the pain of living greater than the pain of death?

If the answer is no, keep living, if it's not, commit suicide. Since then I no longer have the will to kill myself, now I'm mostly into self-destructive behavior since I'm now partially paralyzed.

Before I was paralyzed I did years worth of searching for answers, in medicine, religion and spirituality, and myself. 

I came to the conclusion that while life itself isn't exactly terrible, mine was, and I didn't care enough to change it. I saw two options, fix my head or end it all. 

Ending it all seemed like a better option every single time I tried. I remember those brief feelings of relief as I lost consciousness. It was greater than the weight of the world being released from my shoulders.

The crippling depression, the crushing anxiety, all of life's stresses. They were gone, if only for seconds. 

The first time I was separated from the military. The next time I lost my other job in the aftermath. The final time I was admitted to a specialized rehabilitation facility for six months. 

Every time I've been admitted to these places, I've left with the same feeling. 

* These things were a waste of time.

I never felt like real progress was being made. Just felt like people were stepping on eggshells, peddling drugs to me, and telling me pretty words. 

* No one ever gave me a good answer for the purpose of life and why I can't decide mine is to die

Honestly, my only real regret is not getting a gun back in the day to do the deed. 

Yet I'm still here, no longer emboldened or motivated by death's comforting embrace. Instead I'm stuck in this purgatory. 

No one has visited me since the last incident. I don't particularly blame them, I must look quite dramatic. My friends, the few that I've had, are going their own ways and I'm the first to be dropped, naturally. 

If there was a way to pass on my time to someone else, to give another 70 something odd years to some soul, I would give them all in a heartbeat.

Maybe they'll live authentically. That's all I ever wanted looking back, and it just burned me too many times. To make something of myself while staying myself.

Also, no one takes mental health seriously, especially men's. I reached out before without saying the words 

* I'm thinking about killing myself.

Nothing comes from that. No one wants to deal with a sobbing man who won't do the deed. But suddenly the only thing he has to give anyone is threatened.

Suddenly the tax base might get 1 person smaller.

Suddenly a worker bee might not be there to produce tomorrow.

Suddenly, a breeder won't grow the population and have a family.

Now they have to step in.

People call me pessimistic, but at least it's what I am. And no, these experiences aren't what made me pessimistic, I always was, always will be, and will die as one. 

Life itself isn't shit, but mine was, is, and shall be. There's no one to blame but myself. 

Now I'm going back to bed. It's the only release I have nowadays. Other than that I sit in my dark room, staring at the shades of my windows for hours at a time until basic human needs take over. ",3.3728681157051814,5.639243962085309,4.474278204499651,82.42290284360195,75.41390205371248,7.398692596829548,26.079669880699463,8.326086129247049,1.8683170125837552,2600,96,487,48,58,848,304,633,0.166,0.7090000000000001,0.125,-0.987,1,0,3,1,0,4,91.0,0,0,7,12,24,24,3,1,42,0,56,12,3,6,11,89,101,30,7,12,18,0,5,3,1,11,8,1,3,4,28,19,1,1,17,0,2,11,23,13,0,13,28,10,57,11,70,55,15,82,1,5,4,0,29,22,2,14,47,340,85,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110160424610966,0.10634149707888003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700576702703176,0.048884087830894984,0.0,0.0,0.04468106290256794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474077670518772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875008390047043,0.0,0.0,0.05651523902245404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050012507527567,0.07308571719393188,0.06515132526050453,0.0,0.06759878189850578,0.05504505076901516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041210856693225065,0.06587912206489646,0.05503783511552104,0.0,0.1326382925223978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410486934255232,0.0,0.053381083430089335,0.0,0.11319463311336195,0.0660268117555686,0.0,0.0,0.11560422044764106,0.10767869206724046,0.0,0.0,0.12501487349024695,0.060240172966232464,0.0,0.0646205282271308,0.0,0.12270995634585155,0.0700004188012827,0.0,0.10870831087680312,0.0,0.0,0.049369751799842695,0.0,0.06677126707403981,0.18389897724818552,0.07263281843379607,0.05359712455489905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558085840115291,0.06792377170820567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292961020878649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634118794766235,0.05679814224263045,0.1413939710088206,0.0,0.0,0.05208784134007903,0.0,0.0,0.06942862025577567,0.06534309889842825,0.1805406559454432,0.09365639816915287,0.0,0.1692772533206231,0.0,0.1073214872725296,0.0,0.1395109735960452,0.0,0.0,0.12092933692147458,0.042654411723587374,0.06478558134050265,0.0641971404044682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439717534143602,0.1355777193372679,0.0,0.0,0.05100516618627121,0.0,0.0,0.047381779618581366,0.0492843882887735,0.0,0.067959435293067,0.0,0.0,0.061314730079319785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031067855558359,0.19439835095257207,0.13599033241172234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860181092334042,0.05579588583898919,0.06676294127289739,0.0,0.0604070968303817,0.0,0.0,0.0650102868128191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158374111501102,0.0679665760812618,0.0,0.14546664868033918,0.04093661498238143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238737289143825,0.0,0.0,0.0508166376444426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817306775162818,0.06666267620235633,0.0,0.06559345517957851,0.15857869525856294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414310742543572,0.09838821888332187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810996054646383,0.051031418780442914,0.0,0.07319837621041048,0.0,0.0,0.06989731921027773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960911943937823,0.10272240178804178,0.055852287963432966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490596604608233,0.04094517869407263,0.0,0.0,0.3726118525224142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338458241856413,0.0,0.06242198893007483,0.0,0.0,0.055189944559043205,0.0,0.0,0.11307139101584475,0.10144327420756853,0.0,0.07781419936591208,0.0,0.0,0.05766071066433787,0.0,0.07348299298565597,0.061598280834182235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045393434888057936,0.0,0.0,0.0823002940345777
suicidewatch,horse_intestines,2018/03/21,"Hopeless and feeling alone. If there’s anybody out there that has some kind of gastrointestinal disorder that understands the struggle, I’d really enjoy some conversation. (I came from r/IBD) It just hurts so bad that I don’t know what else to do besides ending it all. ",5.261399999999998,7.350766940000002,5.569000000000003,77.39950000000002,69.6,9.0,30.5,9.516144504307137,2.9994000000000005,217,9,38,5,4,69,42,50,0.295,0.621,0.084,-0.9118,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,7,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,2,4,6,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30880008060403524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489481153858229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410114581135779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417130316745751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490713889811663,0.0,0.26407804678301744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075681953240186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191825612603645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31048397836005304,0.16385894377608734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910066056864949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116977751579191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103912967624005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelmutNewton,2018/03/21,"I finally gained the courage to end this hellish life. Wish me a peaceful exit. This will be rambling, but, at this point, I just don't care.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here or anywhere, but I suppose I like the thought of there being some final record (however hastily constructed) of my misery read by a kind group that can empathize and perhaps understand. Maybe writing this will also help me process and itemize why I feel the way I do.

I'm a 35-year-old male. Short white male (5'5"") with incredibly naive parents to be more exact. I'm 35, but I don't look older than a 13-year-old, as had been repeated to me throughout my adult life by either insensitive assholes or clueless morons ad infinitum. As crazy as it may sound to you, I'm ending my life mainly for this reason and the innumerable and insurmountable problems that it has caused me, socially and mentally, and would only continue to cause. The psychache is too much to bear. I've been suicidal since I was 17, when I realized that I would never get any taller, with bullying escalating day after day. Just typing that last sentence has me choked up; I can't believe that I've wanted to seriously die for over half my life. I've been too much of a coward to go through with it, but not any longer. I'm tired and utterly defeated. I'll admit that life has not only dealt me a bad hand, but has brutally beat me down as well. I've tried to get help on my own. I've had a dozen or so psychiatrists and therapists (even CBT specialists) try to help me over the past 15 years with no positive results. I've been on just about every antidepressant under the sun, including MAOIs, and even was prescribed an opioid, Suboxone, off-label. None of it has made me forget how odious and disposable I am to society. The only relief I've ever had, however marginal, was from prescription opiates.

Long after graduating from college (my only real accomplishment), I've been desperately trying to eke out a living bearing any semblance of a normal life, giving up any hope of finding any career with any ""meaning"" in the process, but I've never been able to afford living alone... or even just afford to live. While I am able to secure an interview, I've gotten the sense that no person or company wants to hire me based on my freakishly young appearance. I've walked into many interviews only to be met with derision and shame, however subtle and oblique. Who wants a guy who looks like a 13-year-old have a place in their company? I'm pretty certain that many people see me as disabled/disfigured, which I've now come to appropriate as part of my constitution. I'm a cripple... physically and emotionally. I've just moved back into my parents' house under the guise that I'd save a little bit of money and later go out on my own (for the millionth time). I've tried to reason with my parents to lend me money for limb lengthening surgery in southeast Europe, where it's cheapest, but my parents said that they won't pay for the surgery because of the perceived risks. I desperately need this surgery. I'm left with no other choice. I've been wearing massive shoe lifts/boots for the past 20 years, and I'm so tired of it. That means that I won't go inside anyone's house if I suspect that I'll be asked to take my shoes off. I love swimming, but I haven't gone for a swim in the past 20 years because that would mean me walking barefoot. I feel horribly naked without my secret shoe lifts/boots. Because of the boots, I don't even remember the last time I wore shorts. I will never accept my height or what I look like because I see no evidence that anyone else will either. Long ago, when I still had a friend or two, I was invited to a college party. I still vividly remember how everyone at the party tried to avoid me despite my trying to be sociable and affable (without coming across a desperate/weird/creepy). Painful and humiliating memories are all that I have amassed. The only way I'm now able to go out in public is by taking massive doses of benzodiazepines, memory be damned. I feel like I'm in the most dispised minority group the world has ever known, with the world not yet realizing it.

My dating life, as you'd expect, is nil. I have an okay face, which, I think, scored me a few first OkCupid/Tinder dates, but never a second date. Reason? Girls look at me like a freak. I can accurately spot that peculiar look of disinterest/disgust in a girl's eyes the moment a girl meets me, the way only a fellow ugly man would know. At best, girls act as if I don't even exist. I still remember a group of girls I knew talking right next to me about how they would never ever, EVER date a short man. I've never felt more invisible. Please don't get me wrong: I don't think girls, the world, or anybody owes me anything. Maybe some thoughtfulness is all that I've ever really asked for.

The supposed ""best years of my life"" are all behind me. No fun, no companionship, no sense of future, no roots, no meaning in anything. I'm a waste of space. Had I made it to, say, 80, I'd die alone anyway. I don't believe in god or any religions, but if I ever saw god, I would spit in his face. All knowing and all powerful? My ass. This life is torture.

This isn't a cry for help. I know my death will shock everyone who knows me. For better or worse, I've become adroit at hiding my suffering. Save for my therapists and psychiatrists, no one knows about my deep wounds and just how severe they are. At the same time, I'm sure that everyone will know why I chose to exit this nightmare.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Good luck to you all.",5.007761059959577,5.847894970856102,5.8696521695735715,79.7699270154952,68.78142076502732,8.967258028295529,29.52197020735085,9.146737398764877,2.408122598996932,4410,159,852,81,73,1451,460,1098,0.18,0.6890000000000001,0.132,-0.9961,11,3,1,0,0,0,162.0,0,3,4,9,43,47,6,3,59,1,72,25,10,13,22,169,147,61,4,19,37,4,5,5,2,15,14,3,0,13,45,36,0,2,35,3,4,14,36,19,1,6,28,19,96,28,123,96,26,128,1,2,11,2,54,52,2,21,63,529,141,11,0.12822195858241778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037887009937677886,0.0,0.0,0.08853285291463532,0.0,0.03417968465101393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034557670934987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965577474985942,0.043792849712573176,0.07034383112960993,0.0,0.07991348172164528,0.0,0.0,0.03286492382690609,0.035686659860510284,0.10421722111819982,0.04720369312220637,0.0,0.09630815924230038,0.08970735657736648,0.037800634173069295,0.04666172319196126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357694410678335,0.08781284788545822,0.0,0.07363457584708691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694860022115163,0.05512837049845822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871609958134792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03570433110441579,0.048077481733805216,0.0757110646736002,0.0,0.0,0.14114899058932448,0.2319682047669265,0.03601084342447139,0.12252157625681892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483287489805438,0.030533930943746002,0.04103772937578759,0.09364059212481167,0.03906418240256376,0.036355177489328885,0.0,0.0,0.033021322377485146,0.0,0.06699068119313656,0.04100072879457261,0.0971619919181108,0.0358488318031039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231996600806828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459263471321007,0.0,0.0,0.08490222427488202,0.0,0.09863394986294223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450781284566509,0.14093487028597235,0.06967867320100757,0.0,0.0,0.0464378443907281,0.0,0.2717008839617305,0.1044046203701177,0.04283736253891567,0.11322233856345465,0.07564826562380758,0.17945691947294032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038575107913376566,0.08088447832529416,0.0,0.08666462718025414,0.08587746106576036,0.18622840326862247,0.0,0.0,0.04307252537485455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542654996669571,0.06283859531048057,0.03169165253144165,0.19778535818354206,0.0,0.04545516919960204,0.0,0.04187676510373799,0.0,0.0,0.13454737627719848,0.0,0.028962172515272243,0.22754334727756234,0.04547906808398375,0.0,0.1898337479466944,0.04628396200203684,0.12240236808394925,0.029630987143608963,0.03731948949422287,0.0446548853552972,0.046916402063995936,0.040403731953344575,0.0,0.040933730832965864,0.04348260950150677,0.0,0.0408970325365396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275221908846952,0.04864822007532514,0.02738075665959724,0.131833528759771,0.0,0.0,0.14525048369688345,0.03650028401216858,0.04065614838164869,0.03398908263910561,0.0,0.0,0.06811753335816421,0.0,0.0,0.04828477208955257,0.0,0.03535550971617853,0.0,0.0,0.04356871313425855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239822175497494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675133714105325,0.0,0.08056511901291967,0.0,0.06427130362289545,0.03435331778236013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925038441385424,0.0,0.054772969122563686,0.0,0.06786260838845418,0.07476725518308436,0.09824818611893316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741085863340976,0.0,0.041751407385247935,0.04449452695817955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562863328830395,0.10177662248181743,0.0,0.0,0.038428979867923006,0.0,0.11570037397077193,0.0,0.04914964147438872,0.08240092830812559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355637670128892,0.1821704010184696,0.046730194363199716,0.0,0.1926650539450744
suicidewatch,bellegunness5,2018/03/21,"College makes me want to commit suicide I hate college. So much. I just want to get out of here and get a job so I can live my life and not be stressed every goddamn moment. I feel like being in school completely consumes me - I'm exhausted in the morning and then have to sit through hours of lectures then just studying for the rest of the day. If I do any less than 5 hours of studying or don't do high enough quality work then I feel insanely guilty about myself. I would force myself to work late into the night but I am just so tired and can't concentrate that late, which also makes me a failure. I am 21 years old and have never had an internship or a meaningful job. I haven't done any research and I don't care about my major, I just picked it because I hated it the least and it would make me somewhat employable. I hate my school's stupid fratboy and workaholic culture. Every moment is filled with anxiety and thinking about how I am doing everything wrong and will never amount to anything. I have no choice but to be here though, my parents would never let me leave or transfer (again). I just desperately want school to be over, but I still have two more years and then I'll probably have to do a Ph.D. because that's the only way to really be successful in industry or something like that. All of the stress, the constant self-hatred, and the shitty people just make me want to end it now. I don't want to go through the rest of college. I just want out. ",4.481644067796612,5.333980444067802,4.962500000000002,85.75527542372883,69.98305084745762,7.933898305084746,28.648305084745765,8.07648339933343,1.7617084745762708,1161,41,236,15,20,370,149,295,0.191,0.727,0.08199999999999999,-0.9919,4,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,3,21,12,4,2,15,0,31,3,0,6,5,57,52,30,1,10,16,1,2,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,16,0,0,4,0,0,2,10,8,0,1,2,2,32,4,32,40,11,35,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,6,25,175,40,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665870018111802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037531177604456,0.0,0.07333215244296963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888409028952227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686995928987255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773501210439477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050672121942683,0.10358991974443936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061821360680540026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809741285372647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490294551378462,0.09904834967427824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153130010015154,0.0,0.08615221691534981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969387511799342,0.06848195006673798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016512434111796,0.0,0.05447908665264496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839238336454448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012806829908099,0.0,0.0,0.18880433178875167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025125838744064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162670798795193,0.10150122736111243,0.0,0.09802269618064087,0.0677083049485562,0.09366408815288912,0.0,0.08464557620860935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559474840729197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046766356818683,0.0,0.22179795729562726,0.0,0.0,0.08995752109287178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005882791049864,0.0,0.0,0.07290536726403989,0.0,0.0,0.1064404815074258,0.0,0.0,0.0664568144119814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335260942473568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140996433792286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910443875695246,0.0,0.0,0.10000222465924692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379722304221964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655341333838589,0.0,0.21961315925167746,0.0,0.0,0.10485458755852076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061422810960189575,0.09418134017412726,0.0,0.0,0.11017623948157984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364067145629716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33924202540492604,0.07608870266984777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957351993454675,0.0,0.0,0.2042872293313366,0.10480716822493066,0.0,0.12346057737893525
suicidewatch,hellajt,2018/03/21,I want to die but I can't I'm not good at talking to people... I'm afraid to tell people all the reasons why I'm stressed and depressed. I am afraid to talk to someone. I can't let it out. But I also can't kill myself because I have a family who would be hurt too much. I just don't want to be alive anymore. In the last 2 years I've lost almost everything.,-0.8811111111111103,0.9467682962962982,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,88.25925925925927,4.587654320987656,18.876543209876548,5.82211442006289,-0.3566197530864197,276,8,68,2,9,96,53,81,0.206,0.634,0.16,-0.708,0,0,0,0,0,5,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,3,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,12,16,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,8,1,9,11,2,5,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225764857739773,0.0,0.0,0.16152641131846507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031370383617308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231274797930764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396839344088316,0.0,0.20962734644659184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153005976605466,0.0,0.19041239702724036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941446974241925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622788821570785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346520286455185,0.0,0.0,0.1646437956129151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206542170743968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048923157074726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848136980242962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800603379463157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076730374532948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114026005801106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313718169524321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32469393412632513,0.1765427870954881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382706150882633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822590074242512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434835313500869,0.0,0.0,0.13007097665502207
suicidewatch,slothsloth3,2018/03/21,"it's so hard to watch yourself spiral out of control and know you're powerless to stop it by yourself getting worse and worse, hurting myself more and more, thinking about killing myself all the time, can't even get out of bed, missed all of my classes except one, which i left 15 minutes in because of a panic attack. now i have two job interviews and school shit to make up and i can barely muster the energy to talk without smoking pot first. i truly hate myself. crisis appointment with my therapist tomorrow. let's see if i'm sent to some godawful hospital and my entire life is fucked yet again.",7.7669252873563215,7.0499257500000025,7.615517241379313,74.8978735632184,63.05172413793103,10.491954022988507,35.71264367816092,9.725611199111238,3.392102298850575,481,19,86,8,6,154,88,116,0.322,0.644,0.034,-0.9908,2,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,5,1,3,0,5,3,1,2,2,20,16,8,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,9,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,3,1,3,10,0,18,14,5,13,0,2,2,1,3,5,2,2,7,59,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248719287628964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385827114624793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948765920271872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336525476388445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887346109354702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267345748696833,0.1951678250925329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731660085297334,0.1844048264270912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999499507926176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534856600458485,0.0,0.2066424302865829,0.0,0.10264842670471884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293508582770847,0.19099338765986587,0.13192698261431826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467591422913996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656575778347662,0.0,0.0,0.2191440011093004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890295333196953,0.14883806149678722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172516186502167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615495782820954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501252606381045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686391286801476,0.0,0.11967994354347344,0.0,0.0,0.10891188387942533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245518396294505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004754180440688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806859323549871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fleshsandwiches,2018/03/21,"I feel guilty for being alive & being a burden onto others. I’ve been leaving with depression/anxiety for almost 11 years now. I always felt like I never exactly “clicked” with people, or felt like I belonged anywhere. Anytime someone does something nice for me always in the back of my mind I feel guilty. 

Because of my mental condition I rely on my parents A LOT. They drive me to & from work because I’m terrified to drive. I have nothing going for me. I don’t know if I even want to try. I feel guilty for wanting to harm myself knowing the impact it would have on my parents lives. & that’s really the only reason why I haven’t. 

I feel like I’m at a crossroad in my life. Where either I get my shit together or I’ll never change & end up doing what I always feared the most. 

Aside from my parents driving me to & from work, I’ve never gotten really any emotional support. Anytime I’ve talked about my mental health I get told “it’s all in your head. Get over it.”

How are supposed to get help & moved passed this when you literally have no one? How does someone find the strength to do it alone? ",2.32279761904762,4.4198058035714265,3.794107142857147,86.85922619047622,78.01785714285714,6.052380952380951,24.059523809523807,7.07126945348624,1.0276630952380952,876,30,170,10,21,289,126,224,0.131,0.7609999999999999,0.108,-0.8029999999999999,3,1,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,1,3,8,10,1,1,8,0,12,4,2,3,5,30,32,6,0,4,4,3,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,10,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,5,7,31,6,29,24,4,24,0,0,1,0,9,10,1,6,11,107,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941198420558043,0.09247849114706884,0.0,0.0,0.22289165965532395,0.5804802150556397,0.0,0.060720905086316015,0.0,0.0683073291654131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865922574767047,0.0,0.1088618636275566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445798113888346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562782168464475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044029583413733,0.07908527505494238,0.0,0.0,0.05897582760252255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047713842749614,0.1805927404321447,0.06378946954729019,0.17146662138783114,0.0,0.08161030685335068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660333540827956,0.0,0.050746102229950914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163827086749353,0.0949120999921056,0.0,0.0,0.059849838822335334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098143937344341,0.0,0.0,0.09454621904683548,0.0,0.0,0.06306883569182065,0.13086913762854582,0.0,0.07884554106023448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591196907637117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799685438986643,0.0,0.09015840130820517,0.0,0.0,0.09490214447257438,0.0,0.0,0.20660004612562166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567707072094655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050585576714705,0.0679097879133307,0.0,0.0,0.29744108544368125,0.0,0.0,0.06190309906496114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440413265733693,0.09180596370669923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165587275654416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131185729562371,0.06874053246641848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013263071905054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176867998304964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532132522689093,0.0,0.06062269101185758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533222660686303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057119029991036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000974403906845,0.0,0.0,0.06342972604037546,0.0,0.0,0.05750044160052047
suicidewatch,rhodochrosite_roses,2018/03/21,"I want help and empathy I lost my job 5 months ago. I've been looking for jobs since, applying to whatever I could find. I've been trying hard: I apply to jobs regularly, write personalized cover letters for the applications, edited my resume to make it as good as I can... But I still haven't gotten interviews or offers. I'm even applying to jobs I don't want, with bad hours, and that offer the bare minimum salary, anything to survive. I was diagnosed with severe and chronic major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder a few years ago. I did years of therapy and it made a difference, I got better. I wouldn't say I was normal or happy, but I was more resilient and healthier. I tried antidepressants but would often have bad reactions to them. I think I would benefit from them, but I struggled to find one that my body could handle. Because of my current situation, I barely have enough money for groceries and paying my bills for next month, but I will run out very soon. And when that happens, I don't know what I'll do. I'm scared. I just want a job so that I can pay my bills, eat, have a home, treat my mental health, and be ok. I want to hurt myself. I'm thinking about suicide. I'm really trying to fight the urges and hold onto what I learned in therapy. I know that I need to reach out whenever I'm not ok, so here I am...",4.216586802827969,5.313837932835824,5.7177690494893945,79.19203849175176,70.7910447761194,9.373448546739985,28.284367635506676,9.682069395223575,2.5895567164179103,1058,38,208,25,19,359,148,268,0.133,0.741,0.126,-0.6995,8,0,0,0,1,3,40.0,0,0,2,3,10,15,1,2,7,2,23,5,1,2,0,47,44,22,1,11,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,1,1,9,14,1,1,7,0,5,1,5,8,0,1,10,3,37,7,26,27,4,17,0,3,1,0,11,4,0,3,12,133,46,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681345602054208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629498964947533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207124230845304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654472533318931,0.06079592673411473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820517611316983,0.0,0.11078017940526126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925636341755173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589934366770259,0.1012262556415004,0.0,0.10419909912208702,0.2286038715931346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020511121603102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305019778430287,0.0,0.06587228942310948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823071577455151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365077972413905,0.07976508657421334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819300493310869,0.10616696179501632,0.08934061359312763,0.0,0.0,0.10601084502911952,0.0,0.0,0.06684850497397173,0.0,0.10003969823835096,0.0,0.09821629435193203,0.0,0.10676556420976728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948449386085425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962060404546878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375007209860452,0.0,0.10886966248934933,0.0,0.0,0.0943691794010601,0.06657213104217549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050677110160072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921085158479412,0.0,0.0,0.0739502882426435,0.0,0.0,0.1060665063487553,0.0,0.0977165468736138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758123463308469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708245814660727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638911096627118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931118315055412,0.099849500271611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266918978776055,0.0,0.08249964661461122,0.11210336188387103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964639907203623,0.0,0.0,0.10426192676772936,0.0,0.10909102495932932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281053124556935,0.0,0.0,0.12780895065350326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313519675491665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228964961463475,0.2352989419119592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416940275911089,0.0,0.0,0.12844875214278742
suicidewatch,CTF_Ford,2018/03/21,"Is there anything worth living for? I look at everyone around me and their all so motivated, so filled with life, so determined. I wish I was like them. I envy them, the spark they carry and the colorful world they see. But I wonder if this life is even worth it all. I have things to keep me going and things to look forward to. Are they worth it? Is living worth it?

I cant commit suicide. I have too many people who'd care; too many people whom I'd hurt, that and I'm a coward. So Im forced to keep going, even if I cant take it anymore. I want to die and be done, but I cant. I'm not strong enough for either choice. Its so frustrating... all I can do is just keep going.",-0.4366734279918845,1.6139512068965551,1.8150912778904669,97.2410953346856,88.65517241379311,4.79107505070994,14.736308316430021,6.2272716619740125,-0.7504685598377283,515,9,123,5,17,173,80,145,0.083,0.743,0.173,0.8258,0,0,0,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,6,2,12,5,1,0,3,0,16,2,0,1,4,25,32,14,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,3,2,0,4,5,4,2,0,0,2,4,20,3,10,28,5,8,0,1,4,0,8,4,0,3,2,85,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143247599257847,0.0,0.0,0.12565502960927524,0.13593098278968274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568279731396992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847337201714196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562600680503195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777482208886426,0.0,0.20170730319355845,0.0,0.0,0.14590668004191418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034037616328953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346322724845025,0.0,0.16493687487470268,0.0,0.0,0.4071671741693589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570608298527136,0.0745990967695821,0.0,0.2696650831809037,0.0,0.25645079794887404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096176628295059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171906659573406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167819883537785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702361979427294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480768718555336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288763505340676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006350666003357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559179122246998,0.0,0.1655912865353231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Antifake98,2018/03/21,Fuck it Fuck family fuck em all never had loyal real friends so fuck that too I’m just so ready to leave this world fed up ya know might end it tonight frfr never asked to be in this shitty ass world anyway smh rip to me💯,-0.5252380952380946,1.5757316122448977,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,90.0204081632653,4.082993197278912,12.248299319727893,5.46131890053228,-1.3213700680272114,175,2,41,1,6,58,39,49,0.399,0.511,0.09,-0.9671,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,7,11,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,5,7,1,8,0,0,0,5,3,4,5,1,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947538497014029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845123124723236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196388350083715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094980513167692,0.7703648929682267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448885283614815,0.0,0.0,0.2205839392949832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209977436791568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321343024906083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371171406044348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheHelpfulHusband,2018/03/21,"My best friend killed himself after taking the life of others I won't go into detail, for obvious reasons, but my best friend of 6 years shot himself after killing other people. I can't possibly begin to explain what has been going on in my mind since it happened, but the one reoccurring thought is ""if he couldn't handle this world, I've got not fucking chance.""
 I feel like I'm delaying the inevitable. We turned to each other when things got hard. Talked each other out of really bad spots. Supported each other. 
I failed him. I let him down. And now I'm facing it without him here to help me through it.",4.219010270774973,5.72795911764706,4.9364145658263325,83.22116713352008,71.26890756302521,7.3056956115779625,26.66760037348273,7.793537801064563,1.5821421101774042,481,16,90,6,9,155,86,119,0.14300000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.18,0.643,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,3,11,3,0,3,0,7,3,1,1,1,20,22,5,2,2,5,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,4,2,15,6,16,15,5,15,0,1,0,1,12,6,1,1,8,66,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500914665074768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645168047787212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781395158703538,0.12407155187266534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683576326815076,0.16055727654404645,0.0,0.0,0.19740398218835475,0.0,0.2778032654834169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535778735751615,0.0,0.15557630075014914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640890627740745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842854172044441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759173069725362,0.12266990734709356,0.08484753106871211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753595514127104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768486986473925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204025307190117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578946461732455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125894587443742,0.17856408697381373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436635514050588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708130931128695,0.0,0.0,0.13057998323345904,0.13959124546016752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538018330049472,0.0,0.0,0.13787643576574976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890563080813286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674139348414194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183929061286896
suicidewatch,torontojuice,2018/03/21,"Im gonna do it finally I guess I'm just posting this for the catharsis, kinda like a diary. I'm tired of having no one and nothing. For the past 5 years I've struggled with being homeless, alcohol, getting stabbed, depression and no one ever helped me with shit. I kept going cause I thought things would get better but they didnt and never will. So Im cleaning up my house this week, buying a gun on friday and going to this nice big forest and blowing my brains out cause im sick of this shit.",2.8872087378640785,4.221754262135921,4.20989077669903,87.81153519417477,74.33980582524272,6.315048543689321,25.496359223300967,6.6274283507984215,0.9384766990291268,391,13,80,3,8,129,74,103,0.236,0.6920000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.943,0,0,1,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,2,1,4,0,6,6,3,2,2,19,16,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,6,8,1,1,1,0,1,2,4,4,0,2,3,0,7,3,10,9,0,13,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,2,7,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748917305985536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860871497673094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495464568320498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32199528579660897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498524880046256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417648825281254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716823332203166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637625477054717,0.0,0.17813853046338107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264800059075328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504809106292758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808372444359925,0.0,0.0,0.5078630454516234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656691790343267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087440214854304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037989916424122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239905642304327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496097911351297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500972656697652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217477158581213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384085749946412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411976531524182,0.0,0.0,0.12442051766414836,0.0,0.18012997830129096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571369861038784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113314884099451,0.0,0.0,0.1009244426428738
suicidewatch,Carpets_for_Coasters,2018/03/21,Would waiting for my birthday be better or worse for my family? I’m gearing up to get it done on my birthday. I’m hoping that only having one day to mourn instead of two will make it easier on my family. (Plus there’s the added attraction of the poetry of it and whatnot) Is this true or will it make it harder on them?,1.7279601990049755,3.4893313731343305,4.263507462686569,84.38441542288558,78.55223880597015,7.451741293532338,21.61442786069652,8.344100000000001,1.3020666666666667,250,7,51,5,6,88,46,67,0.076,0.731,0.194,0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,1,10,14,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,5,4,12,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,1,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513922071999729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331495016053045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908820212011025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359230645055751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850663730372438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823200989026776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794724005590311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926122308050552,0.2161816501500836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776667292994912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896706342660127,0.20191997744826354,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sund4yy,2018/03/21,"Prolonging a doomed existence?? It has gotten to the point where it just feels like every day that I don’t kill my self, that I’m just prolonging the inevitable. It’s a miserable life. I have /never/ been able to see myself growing up and becoming an adult and now that I am actually growing up and I am an adult I don’t know how long I can keep doing it. I lie in bed every night and every morning thinking about the day I’ll just stop being so scared and just do it. 
It used to be my family and friends that stopped me from actually dying and keeping me in that “i want to get better” mindset but I realise that they will get over it eventually. I’m no ones best best friend - they all have others too and I’m not an only child and I haven’t been living with my parents for a while so they’re used to me not being around now anyway. I have a lot that I still need to put in place but I am going to kill myself. I’ve written notes to all of my loved ones and have set a date in a few months because there’s quite a bit I need to do before I go. I think I just needed to vent and tell someone as such. I know people will miss me at first but you do get over it. You do forget people. It’ll be fine. ",1.644014652014654,2.8864585076923106,3.580109890109892,91.44679487179488,77.38461538461539,6.490842490842493,21.227106227106226,7.07126945348624,0.3574798534798531,932,23,217,10,21,316,133,260,0.1,0.772,0.128,0.8448,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,2,5,18,14,2,2,13,0,26,2,0,3,3,44,52,19,3,4,10,1,1,1,2,3,1,0,1,4,17,13,0,4,5,0,0,5,7,6,0,3,4,2,32,8,26,41,7,33,1,3,1,1,13,13,0,1,15,157,49,0,0.11592185578694525,0.0,0.22624601863865454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103195028511006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066488733995642,0.12802658219901716,0.09864096122657763,0.0,0.2433056716764777,0.1025234611538638,0.1265566430219217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952001401344667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030858460610995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930074895074351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928080885496697,0.0,0.058613573347926384,0.08281459693647569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860307131366816,0.0,0.0,0.17912187644879518,0.0,0.18169315545157005,0.0,0.13176212412787186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607334342195266,0.2565007163528741,0.0,0.12741524064414478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187903495887927,0.056633563298393384,0.0,0.10236112244672277,0.10258719452338047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855261638526897,0.10462400073914012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925277193301248,0.0,0.0,0.2578637616765561,0.08940608153861798,0.0,0.0,0.10878480889417737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710329912488438,0.08816379496485308,0.0,0.0,0.12871750242467564,0.0,0.0,0.16073123775964235,0.0,0.1211136665880524,0.0,0.10958362297373868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165334828972896,0.0,0.12329716273268974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605800037397986,0.0,0.0923747106089321,0.0,0.12093177720312698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822021222763816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925753437738201,0.1938317241499712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132081142040952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855608893777925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002385280485103,0.0,0.0,0.0683737139748597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dunnoanymore81,2018/03/21,"I am done with this life, it ends tonight. goodbye everyone. I am done with this life, it ends tonight. I can't take anymore. I am 37, 450 lbs obese and been obese my whole life, never been under 400 lbs in my life. I am on disability, I can't work because of ptsd and now I have rheumatoid arthritis which kills me most days. I am single as hell because of my weight, women don't want me and I constantly get rejected every time I put myself out there and made to feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for. 

I have no friends and no family. not a single family member or friend. I am completely and utterly alone in this world and I can't take anymore of it so tonight when I go to the gym I will end my life. I have it all planned out and will do it when I go to the gym tonight in a couple hours. 

I am just getting my affairs in order and getting my financial stuff in order and taken care of. 
I can't take being single and alone and loveless anymore. so this is it. I am done. 
I can't take anymore never being hugged, kissed, touched, loved, not having sex, etc. I can't do it anymore and everywhere I look all I see are couples. I can't do it anymore so goodbye.
",0.9205809128630698,3.0147327095435728,2.8583966804979246,91.73919668049791,82.90041493775934,5.847701244813279,24.16282157676348,7.087006719466742,0.9380528132780088,897,35,195,12,25,300,111,241,0.134,0.809,0.057,-0.9322,0,4,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,2,0,4,0,34,12,0,1,4,30,51,20,1,2,4,0,3,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,14,17,3,0,1,2,0,3,14,4,0,0,7,5,34,6,20,40,8,31,1,1,2,4,5,10,1,2,16,142,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924251591635947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527691714116225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325747844471658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471399745466337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740003231989472,0.1003879283764107,0.0,0.0,0.20557603969033053,0.0,0.059910446339190675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851955889076661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468357201418229,0.0,0.10360396158351896,0.0,0.0,0.07826916279599187,0.08876642224149055,0.0,0.0,0.17514878066343842,0.0,0.046971174581261856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435429449089752,0.0,0.14560349143494028,0.0,0.10559024782315404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148417038803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027760230255251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280771181420235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800951885258962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384256279577393,0.08790075154709119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329474982352447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859083603847794,0.09338646762311292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402634596512264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063440701319166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27938590979807737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416859581946137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479266102441128,0.0,0.0,0.1131227008999539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371543252089586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762963306178707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myyamayybe,2018/03/21,"Husband is feeling suicidal I think it's a matter of time before my husband kills himself. I don't know what to do.
Since we've known each other he's had some incidents in which he says he's tired of the problems and that he wishes he would die.
Please, someone help me.",2.253035714285716,4.131902517857147,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,77.39285714285714,5.908571428571428,25.485714285714288,6.742157984588678,0.9722828571428574,215,8,44,2,5,70,46,56,0.27,0.5870000000000001,0.142,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,9,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,4,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,1,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334821654384509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847692125601585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873773997319902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391506449487505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035673109116395,0.0,0.1507952980462273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30119328813975177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625502204545998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820265643904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697482664479016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248625677984824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30013360656336346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581538593580887,0.0,0.0,0.15999660703634574,0.3153661931552582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31553020852639985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491584915103224,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thwaway38475939,2018/03/21,"I can't take it anymore Everyone thinks I'm evil because I can't believe that some things are morally ok when they cause so much trauma to myself and others. I really feel like I am evil and i don't deserve to live. I do not want to live in this world. I can't. 

But I am afraid of messing up my suicide attempt again. I don't know what to do. I don't have a surefire way to kill myself on hand right now. I don't know what to do.",-0.4106185567010314,1.334428814432993,2.061041237113404,97.56269587628869,85.59793814432992,4.7047422680412385,20.009278350515466,5.6839178017228535,-0.28140742268041263,333,10,82,2,10,114,60,97,0.242,0.675,0.08199999999999999,-0.9506,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,8,3,1,1,1,14,1,1,1,0,11,21,5,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,0,2,15,2,10,21,2,9,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24473870521066834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043434075311912,0.0,0.0,0.27803570828913177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535102690239727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358081496124741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477900408105765,0.17629914606585267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730246775998837,0.0,0.2712468447871408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056387662952588,0.0,0.4358211992878991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141114410760972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809310719334735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074813178695667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699364464598245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855472845296461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394916869964826,0.15812617939022908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555679593979087,0.1958818826403157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontwanttohurtyouan,2018/03/21,I have lived my full 16 years of life and I’m done with all the bullshit already I just want to be in peace and I don’t want to be here anymore. I can do it now but I just need a few minutes or hours to think,-2.1913333333333327,-0.5357543999999983,0.4040000000000017,107.00866666666668,93.0,3.333333333333334,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.4524666666666666,160,4,46,0,6,54,38,50,0.053,0.845,0.101,0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,6,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838809002296125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34499150194439704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559896595315221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34257982874520343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245709399717134,0.0,0.0,0.3071737467764184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579396550133119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228997169761374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103630245674244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240155353140015
suicidewatch,UltimateThoughts,2018/03/21,"Can I have suicidal thoughts but not be suicidal? I've been having weird thoughts that most would probably consider ""suicidal"", but I don't think I am suicidal in the sense that I haven't seriously considered suicide in association with those thoughts. For instance, I've just kind of generally been wondering if there are some people that just aren't cut for the real world and if I'm one of those people (still in the bubble of school). I just don't see how I can expect to handle the regular stressors of the outside world or of being an adult in general when I can't handle a lot of simple stressors or because I can't ""get back up"" when ""life knocks you down."" And yes, these thoughts have led me to think things like, ""well if that's the case, then what's the point of living."" However, going back to my original question, I wouldn't say I've seriously considered committing suicide.

So I can I have these thoughts and not be considered suicidal, or what it still be considered the same thing? Should I be concerned that I'm even having these thoughts in the first place?",9.615362318840578,7.3127539178743985,9.113333333333333,70.69000000000003,60.545893719806756,13.257971014492753,40.39130434782609,11.855464076750405,4.598571014492753,859,36,164,21,9,276,106,207,0.14400000000000002,0.725,0.131,-0.84,1,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,1,14,7,1,0,11,1,26,1,0,3,1,42,40,16,7,7,13,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,15,4,0,0,10,0,0,2,9,4,1,2,8,2,15,3,20,24,4,22,0,0,1,0,4,11,0,11,10,121,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801435895229706,0.0,0.058670625774322374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635695292308531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186673912620737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028452616536038,0.0,0.05469878016465079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022532566052364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798134688483079,0.047020899963533216,0.0,0.08498691974161666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182484813431576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521873321982714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344961912233091,0.0,0.10055651223724224,0.0,0.0909835135455071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037693913338058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781746882594766,0.0,0.0,0.10954893957071114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765386267849061,0.0,0.09740601976512728,0.0766955454280262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537242484900109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7369419846336832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788303886775754,0.1233410117621051,0.0,0.4584511071903537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653664999041663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437460580869996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837034743801007,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Homocera,2018/03/21,"i need somebody to talk to nobody in my life really knows how i feel, because i don't want to hurt them, but i haven't been feeling myself lately and i really need somebody to talk to.",5.831538461538464,4.542884076923077,7.143205128205127,78.58096153846154,67.2051282051282,9.851282051282054,29.756410256410252,8.841846274778883,2.192579487179488,145,4,30,2,2,50,26,39,0.079,0.8640000000000001,0.056,0.0572,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,9,9,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,6,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065198905025712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996865631358288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172484173309683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286601114176566,0.0,0.334295300381024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932051381724034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394790039240257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379698333859605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763892279046884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479469497898134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChickenLegLicker,2018/03/21,"I don't know how long I can keep this mask on I don't know how long I can keep this happy act up. everything is just going horrible. I try to act happy but I feel so empty inside all the time. they get angry if I'm depressed or act sad and she'll scream at me to just go end my life already so I pretend to be happy. and it's making me so tired to keep this act up. I'm just so lonely, I'm such a fucking loser.",-1.5626136363636365,0.1634963750000029,1.8261363636363648,97.5143181818182,90.45833333333334,4.324242424242423,14.977272727272727,5.565023196281405,-0.92705,316,6,80,2,11,114,59,96,0.328,0.5760000000000001,0.097,-0.9822,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,10,9,1,0,2,0,7,3,0,3,1,18,21,11,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,1,0,6,2,6,0,0,0,2,12,3,8,19,1,14,0,4,0,1,2,4,1,2,4,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983796844807512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483487208126212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592220742477043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615648855913137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908966640936224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619364656818006,0.09392194091948586,0.0,0.20433385738180826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741026850814556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793611378499309,0.0,0.0,0.19759280432351636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697623966361565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181800128631368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999727767382072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482481442116208,0.20661814825047264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205142616852285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alyx-,2018/03/21,"Please help me Mental fog has been clouding my vision. Its all so blurry. I'm so lost. 
I can never get enough sleep. 
Its not uncommon that I get none at all. 
When I do nightmares force me awake to a reality I scarcely want to face. 
Its like im just waiting for the straw that forces my back to break. 
I'm not sure what I want or need to be better. To be okay. 
I don't know. 

Fuck.
",-2.0090877796901867,-0.24737183132530305,0.5125043029259899,101.94762048192771,104.66265060240966,3.3352839931153184,13.157487091222027,5.288315135182226,-1.3165139414802065,290,6,72,2,14,97,58,83,0.075,0.701,0.224,0.8671,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,2,1,7,3,2,0,4,13,18,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,10,4,7,14,4,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027562438465769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320652256237426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27245541966617043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437710368708449,0.2755273669679373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674141213064107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284823299861515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491349032527887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288223808335277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28784155897047964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657308291352893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955178859506544,0.2033688790535278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894451697923537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638738100640781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485184661030419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110545799233489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsgoodtobealive,2018/03/21,"How do I live? 23 asian male. I'm unemployed, have no employable skills, have 1k in the bank, and have aspergers. And I don't think any of my family or friends respect me. I've spent most of my life socially isolated because of extreme social anxiety. But after having a panic attack on weed last year, I've felt numb and depersonalized. My emotions are starting to come back and I think theres a chance I might kill myself. Please tell me there is hope in my situation.",2.7258937198067628,5.0798378695652175,4.301014492753623,82.4333574879227,77.91304347826087,8.001932367149758,25.439613526570053,8.841846274778883,2.1416555555555554,372,14,72,9,9,124,69,92,0.193,0.6759999999999999,0.131,-0.743,3,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,1,3,0,9,2,0,1,0,14,17,7,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,11,3,8,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,5,43,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788941366761964,0.0,0.15511721299988546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067824134565984,0.0,0.1559163251562364,0.0,0.123605688395371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466695695057027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808707283733484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911519301224924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468938953665246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566583042764218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139469782815567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433310808362167,0.0,0.0,0.16528324733814204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322126394332071,0.0,0.0,0.1790481451428835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151051487472609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379049395545267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257872976970014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279200920432033,0.0,0.4133935425779653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435204635006746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772284527129766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25985150942277696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057615275421475
suicidewatch,waidwmlrn,2018/03/21,"Feeling suicidal I know this is well overplayed here... but it’s the truth. I know people have it much worse than I do. For me, it’s relationships, work, and just everyday overthinking. 30 years old and feel like I am doing nothing with my life, like it’s a constant loop. Others will say I have a good job, in reality I hate it. I’m constantly on the move. No stability. Never know what’s going to happen once the contract ends. I’m looking to change careers in hopes I’ll stop having these thoughts. I want to establish myself someone and meet someone. I’ve met amazing women in my life and have been in 3 relationships but due to my unstable lifestyle and now mental health they always turn into shit. I’ve looked at their lives and they’re extremely happy without me in it. I just don’t understand my purpose. Our purpose in life. Money rules society. Time is something you can never get back so I feel like I’ve wasted so much money and time. I feel like if I change my career I’ll end up in this dark hole again. I hate being lonely. Stress sucks. If I’m dead I won’t have to worry about any of it. Debt sucks. My friends are there for me but I feel like I’ve just carried it for too long. When times are good, they’re good but eventually something bad happens and throws me back in. I don’t understand life. I’m lost and confused. I just want someone to talk to",0.8400309437854574,3.322101151624552,2.534116554925223,90.99044765342964,88.02527075812273,5.3317792676637445,21.271686436307377,6.868970318607317,0.6196404125838062,1077,37,221,15,35,353,151,277,0.219,0.615,0.16699999999999998,-0.9691,2,2,2,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,2,2,16,24,5,2,5,0,19,6,1,0,3,41,50,18,2,5,11,0,5,5,1,2,5,1,0,1,13,11,0,1,11,0,3,3,7,10,1,0,4,8,31,14,27,43,2,35,0,2,2,0,12,12,3,4,25,130,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700953840440236,0.0,0.0,0.06293760223364685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233144363162265,0.07727591037619755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581258995601208,0.0,0.0,0.20002870406907414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394477575296307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339818973269059,0.2644727548349696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150438731223925,0.0,0.04835388439411116,0.0,0.05259865597386144,0.2328812327353877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368443326881668,0.09852186682192013,0.0,0.1827491730164872,0.0,0.0983769920420611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919236585806912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918422196788919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259021785268445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26148498863568986,0.22607781501876825,0.0,0.08172390207444415,0.08190439533021279,0.15543843979553815,0.0,0.10102994573238856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326926710299756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983666730830898,0.13607072442081475,0.0,0.14276150315418346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880482578304268,0.0,0.09711631770517333,0.0985634006392348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416295377090096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987294814608156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359997584686091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500189191397823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525354589582126,0.1424999934882564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737647099169769,0.10601643420036126,0.0,0.0,0.1012353678657717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438869080074048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347486237461216,0.16190105022957746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066850907720357,0.0,0.19269694002695745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917751919447398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321413143538328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921550483771086,0.0,0.06737796105968392,0.09398965748454928,0.0943169989972991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959957145843265
suicidewatch,notbadjustwild,2018/03/22,"Drained My life has been slowly spiraling down for as long as I can remember, but lately the pace has picked up. I'm a couple of months away from graduating high school and have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I don't want there to BE a 'rest of my life'. 

I'm so exhausted and empty and I just want to end it all. I want to just slip off and be done. ",2.0552156862745115,2.5863985411764716,4.0950000000000015,90.93583333333336,75.3529411764706,8.019607843137255,21.225490196078432,8.344100000000001,0.6621372549019608,296,6,75,5,6,102,56,85,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.9177,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,11,4,0,1,1,15,17,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,16,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,54,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400705504195525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203452842505725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23309829254266934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174570414631166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294527725919865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406623537352172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713619128077336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569460579366851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826638078009397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157836482048447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181203267903426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25803063473264515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052578664074985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030521018862996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Longoverdo29,2018/03/22,"I’m done. So I have struggled for the past 4 years. Narcissistic mother. Lost my dad and I struggle with happiness and feeling satisfied with money. Seems like a simple fix right? But that’s when the mind take over. The mind is a wonderful fascinating organ of the body right? You can dream, imagine, think and over come anything that you put your mind too. You can achieve more than you would ever think or anyone else. Buttttttt when you have an illness. It becomes very hard to over come that. 
I don’t want to get in my life story cause let’s be honest all here cause some type of mental problem. I have a wonderful job, wonderful wife and wonderful brothers. But in my mind I can’t go on. It’s a true struggle. I’m tired if that makes sense. I can’t sleep cause I can’t rest my mind, I don’t enjoy anything cause I stress about money. If you really want to hear pm. But to my wife and my brothers I’m sorry and there is hope for happiness. And I believe suicide is the most selfless thing you can do. It makes you free with hope. No one knows your struggle in your head. 
Thanks for reading everyone ",0.7310256410256422,3.249930918552039,1.9128642533936682,94.46914555052791,90.49321266968326,4.937616892911011,20.488838612368024,6.588339656340683,0.3436297435897435,867,29,181,11,30,274,120,221,0.129,0.64,0.231,0.9796,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,11,0,2,8,17,0,5,10,0,19,6,3,6,3,50,45,16,1,8,6,6,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,12,0,0,10,2,3,4,6,7,0,1,2,3,27,11,21,40,5,18,0,1,0,0,18,9,0,12,6,112,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048661080976895,0.08863503988021483,0.14237320289549435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553845547482062,0.0,0.09746200111728012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608803592851216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35545963897792204,0.0,0.1490335433662228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885250930351526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226418997865985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824911758960552,0.0,0.08265964930337355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373974663180525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519551888894823,0.0,0.04916303166513459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417328612659775,0.07749187747211811,0.0,0.08877953211030533,0.0,0.0974979111502191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183882948732954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584329524528972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047541124218137686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845766719543098,0.061101346309315324,0.042262185497954574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443089997654187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548609785180358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717713118463045,0.0,0.4367291421031658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058618320861905424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257922505431846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277401753140304,0.0,0.08696185413902227,0.0,0.0,0.08652884360677345,0.0,0.055417596123622063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477503359699784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875129820380407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656790719767289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683575106752296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990916823845676,0.3617370478733016,0.0,0.09462290440443552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504132063976166,0.0,0.0,0.0796425812627745,0.0,0.0,0.057470366527042474,0.11085837835171447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099425270928535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137604263836543,0.1020462925126092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752458124267435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145097835697965,0.0,0.0,0.05570666330895352
suicidewatch,throwaway76760,2018/03/22,"I have a “perfect” life but I hate myself I am aware that I have been blessed with many amazing things in my life. I go to a great college, I have a loving family, loving friends, a cool job, and a good social life. I was even allowed to take time off of school to get help for my mental health with no questions asked. 

But it’s been two months of intense therapy, changing medications, and treatment for my eating disorder and I still want to die. During my intensive outpatient program I saw others make great strides in their treatment, completely change for the better. There was one guy who I couldn’t imagine ever recovering because of his unwillingness to change that actually did a complete 180 and is now super happy. This all makes me happy for them but angrier at myself. Why can’t I be happy? I’ve tried so so so fucking hard and it doesn’t last more than a day. 

I don’t want to go back to school in 2 weeks just as worse off as I was when I left 3 months ago. I’m ashamed, and I’m tired of feeling so miserable all the time. People can love me all they want but I know deep down I will never be happy because I hate myself. I can’t remember a time when I was happy so I have come to the conclusion I probably won’t ever be happy. Id rather die than be this miserable for the rest of my life. ",2.657327001356851,4.236685791044779,4.219118046132974,86.51075305291724,75.4179104477612,7.260786974219811,25.241519674355487,8.00094639256281,1.3997477611940297,1024,35,214,16,22,342,147,268,0.166,0.54,0.294,0.9929,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,3,4,16,25,3,3,12,1,25,12,0,3,7,35,47,19,2,5,6,0,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,6,0,0,3,8,6,0,2,8,4,35,19,31,32,5,29,1,2,1,4,14,9,1,1,17,147,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.08252167657806217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496034874355233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905536051828603,0.0,0.0,0.06502403212994633,0.0,0.10309812324797801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478945224238473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26837058240696865,0.07284387833931416,0.17732622471151252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453639499429799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755269094796545,0.0,0.09691697863061254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865294659057564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585332585907747,0.1529848669798926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971884428093859,0.0,0.042757794121692574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533347037576401,0.07817749743793036,0.0441808844514781,0.0,0.09611865400278924,0.07092776491018916,0.0,0.186462886376614,0.0,0.08373105758407365,0.0,0.5401158482150745,0.07575219332996629,0.1669776936809632,0.0,0.08988693612841601,0.0,0.0,0.05668106216137578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391612269095303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046473831198528985,0.06893045468258546,0.0,0.0,0.09187837773827623,0.0,0.2389185111696307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896530077961336,0.0,0.1128934476331524,0.08573401131216271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518872546423062,0.08522001415988474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499539262631205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652205045572559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730234599370435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058625611616074075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117364401610506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473035733468756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579384359791802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116534378665504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620173342325202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753243768861518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358115013166786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670561368332296,0.0,0.05618016310763607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792878963901898,0.09719318451114556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741299534378424,0.0,0.08260615084907731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963304667259153,0.0,0.06783165589561613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630531235617882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617732549770772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vegaval,2018/03/22,"""Just"" a depressed teen I'm going to try to tell you the best way I can:yep I have actually just made an account because I really felt the need to tell somebody. I am 15, and I'm currently having suicidal thoughts. I just don't feel loved. My older sister is doing great in her job and I do feel great for her but damn, my parents barely look at me rn. I have never told them about this as Idk how they would act but I would just be so embarrased. It's all so weird. Most of those people you considered special just look away when you need them and make you feel a tool or just unnecessary. I used to love those people but I just feel used. We're just 15 and there are so different groups but I just don't seem to be able to fit into any of them because I have tried to be everybody's friend for the last years, as I was really weird a few years back. After my grandma and my dog died in 2012 I had a depressive period I hid totally even although I was a total jerk. Because of that stage I also became really fat, maybe even obese, which is pretty weird in Spain. Two years ago I decided to start dieting but I ended up having a bulimic disorder I also hid. Well I'm losing my point... as I was saying I started trying to become everybody's friend and it went really well for some months then I was alone again, this year also started pretty well (first parties and that stuff) but I'm now lost again and I'm starting to lose hope I don't think there is any hope as I know I'll eventually end up suffering. I also had a relationship I kept for half a year even tho I started having doubts so after a really hard time I almost killed myself in I broke up with her. I do have friends I just don't feel loved, I don't feel important and I'm pretty sure I'd have killed myself around a year ago if I wasn't too scared of death. I am also not currently able to sleep longer than 6 hours and because of that I take naps even tho I end up sweating and feeling worse. Idk it's all so weird I guess it's also because of puberty and developing and all that stuff. xoxo",1.5606986143187032,3.410161394919168,3.51119572748268,89.16956495381065,79.39260969976905,6.91660508083141,20.755715935334877,7.908726449838941,0.8083811085450345,1616,43,353,28,40,546,203,433,0.197,0.639,0.163,-0.9135,5,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,4,4,5,41,33,4,2,14,0,34,8,3,5,7,72,77,42,5,7,19,2,9,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,15,16,3,1,13,1,1,3,8,17,3,3,14,12,57,16,42,58,9,53,0,7,2,3,25,14,1,10,34,238,72,1,0.13517924101681644,0.0,0.06595771969623279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982824091272685,0.0,0.06768124163871654,0.07000246288369506,0.0,0.3243083706067006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192651938512804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016909208417585,0.0,0.0,0.06350267338190152,0.051972246112677666,0.0,0.20601002658874604,0.07464742560474608,0.0,0.0,0.07093113677536755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642968220770175,0.0,0.07014735506284442,0.07061676771387768,0.07746356079274215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959302632466964,0.0,0.0,0.1785692275716433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239227400789418,0.0,0.06489663515598293,0.0,0.0,0.0574916966762784,0.0,0.0,0.15665871942447987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841273893834424,0.0,0.0,0.1490355904456833,0.074457587111206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054702402109245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426348768578064,0.06656216130853344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707226910506058,0.0,0.14955580171429614,0.0,0.03714548781013867,0.05509456178083159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351651669230302,0.15123099318709984,0.07378205504532062,0.0,0.18300681415142436,0.0639549331737105,0.04511659653136715,0.0,0.06790285846315564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394939024721807,0.0,0.0,0.10023369436402592,0.052129282104018265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505027488227722,0.0,0.0,0.09371626506728513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389403827647834,0.0,0.0,0.2062888288927319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649820814416454,0.0,0.0,0.07256595771667977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537499790770102,0.06766900123354823,0.0,0.0,0.061531052022239886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763843292400662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23920140638859455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474788961419694,0.07393207459687963,0.0,0.06370241743887234,0.0,0.050818982990264425,0.0,0.1181526149149296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330869967252805,0.0,0.053658608849802315,0.03941205125978275,0.0,0.0,0.06458477888533777,0.0,0.1376667468779885,0.0,0.06602523808073738,0.0,0.0,0.11675146183680428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053649494721700865,0.0,0.0,0.1823135580724865,0.06265625536272584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887959764089294,0.09602745433644687,0.0,0.0,0.2611529975679599
suicidewatch,-kaleidoscopic-,2018/03/22,"What would you spend your last day doing? I’ve thought about it a lot, it seems like a huge deal.",-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,-0.4980952380952371,111.10142857142858,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-2.2012666666666667,75,1,20,0,3,22,19,21,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864648022257008,0.4579387857332719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620728702371878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700803891246226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776331342383699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043724805913112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526360114537105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155387291351917,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maria253crispy,2018/03/22,"I’m a failure I don’t think I’m gonna graduate high school on time. I used to have good grades but now I’m a failure with no ambition and no friends. I don’t wanna hurt my dad though, my mom died 2 years ago, it was my grandpas funeral on Monday, and I don’t want my dad to hurt even more after I die. But I can’t do this anymore, I’m useless and I have no future. I’m so tired, I’m just scared of hurting the people around me even more by dying, I’m sure my one friend will get over it and my brothers won’t care and my other family members also, but idk about my dad and my little sister ",1.3683582089552218,2.08799419402985,3.725552238805971,92.21907462686569,77.2089552238806,6.554029850746268,22.35522388059701,6.742157984588678,0.371450149253731,458,12,112,4,10,160,80,134,0.339,0.545,0.116,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,1,1,17,23,12,4,2,4,7,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,17,5,12,19,2,13,0,4,0,0,9,6,0,0,7,68,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365541398261169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319202398723796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527740906674705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371352621233448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706206767282546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47963209634332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349432725311767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522261957395274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23803400060315025,0.0,0.08048365267974539,0.0,0.0,0.12920804251104834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276002983312948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947342847714377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439643306620032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041900059236934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043868218110696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679739489207747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422878923958566,0.15590466613750048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518829204118855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870765331649928,0.15135124767924402,0.0,0.08982655036189979,0.1770553623394414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304789691587002,0.0,0.0,0.0908614234966655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920177601504837
suicidewatch,llaas,2018/03/22,I cant forgive myself and feel like suicide is the only escape I made many mistakes in the past 2 and a half years. I missed so many opportunities by being so passive and lazy in those 2.5 years.I feel like I literally wasted 2.5 years of my life. I am trying to turn things around but those mistakes are haunting me and I feel like suicide is the best option to free myself from feeling guilty.,3.9337130801687765,5.397036316455697,4.780443037974685,84.2404535864979,71.91139240506328,6.279324894514768,25.824894514767927,6.42735559955562,0.93317552742616,315,10,61,2,6,102,52,79,0.271,0.495,0.235,-0.5598,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,15,13,7,2,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,4,10,8,8,11,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674839763642117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744071954006864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38051578549364334,0.4032205290134049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288844001157316,0.2757462596915001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780220732108656,0.0,0.38148769514535824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430885108045474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960036983931338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115879899606276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249914742632712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277343199616757,0.2046416690970927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24231124296022816
suicidewatch,suicidaldreamer,2018/03/22,"I feel like some fucked up NPC in a game where everyone else seems to be main characters. Like I've been programmed to suffer perpetually and eventually kill myself. alt account because people I know, know my main account username.

hello reddit.
I would really like to die, because it seems like the optimist in me is completely dead. And that's a good thing, because I can't count the number of times I've planned on killing myself, only to have a tiny voice in my head go ""Just wait a little bit longer. You'll be happy someday"". I would like to kill myself, because yes, I'm a fucking pussy, and living my life despite it making any sense to do so, has gotten exhausting. I try sleeping when it feels like my head's about to blow up from the emotional stress. Let's be honest, it's only a short term solution to a long term problem. Before I ask you guys what I want to ask, let me try talking a little bit maybe. There's a tiny fucking bit of the optimist who needs to shut the fuck up.

I've been working on my dreams of making comic book stories for a little over a year now, while also working a full time job. It's been rough, and what sucks is just the country I live in, which I'm convinced has to be the worst fucking country ever. It's India. Everyone here is a giant piece of shit. Everything is conservative and rooted in tradition, and it's been hard to try to exist. Doesn't help that your country has a shit reputation online either, cuz no one wants to fucking be friends with you. What makes me empty inside, is the daily dose of demotivation I get from coworkers from my full time job (I don't have friends to depend on). It's been hell trying to manufacture my own happiness. I don't think I can properly articulate how doomed things feel sometimes

The worst days are when you're hurting and there's no one to talk to (which happens every-time I'm suicidal). When you believe the shit they tell you. I used to be a cutter, but worked on myself for a long time to stop that. It feels a lot harder to handle the pain, honestly. These last few days, I've started to gain the confidence to try to off myself.

So what I ask is this. Please advise some solid ways I can kill myself. I've been thinking about either bleeding out slowly (i would prefer going out this way) or carbon monoxide poisoning, but I have no idea how to properly pull it off.


Thank you for taking the time to read this. Sorry if I sound angry, or like a shit person or something.",4.409956870732003,5.3943554114053,5.398881634120045,82.07659488438964,70.24236252545825,7.9760632562597324,27.2721337007308,8.219915518859313,1.7436991254342875,1941,63,379,27,34,639,239,491,0.17,0.71,0.12,-0.9804,2,0,1,0,0,4,60.0,0,7,1,5,18,42,17,1,31,1,38,19,7,9,1,55,77,23,7,9,10,0,6,7,2,4,6,2,0,2,26,10,0,3,12,5,2,3,7,26,0,2,7,8,43,16,57,58,19,52,2,3,0,6,23,26,12,10,28,244,69,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051820404761072233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044066109985711234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173729560255136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800551223807366,0.0,0.055139886982628034,0.07300722409651834,0.0,0.0,0.2122339109338284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679413942904528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835810658353664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725199831521357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413194733788397,0.07289109272881886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058615160757316626,0.0,0.12383803885104185,0.058237913518872426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310589746841125,0.09258603036319166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012838379398976,0.35943842057512343,0.03385523935336937,0.0,0.07365447926154534,0.05435102731977179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641620246179732,0.057302280221889386,0.13796125893882072,0.05804792431317926,0.0,0.1330066512416791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043433963581785764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936956375436386,0.07315112642575748,0.0,0.0,0.12860767522339075,0.0,0.2867656668140787,0.0,0.0712245894770287,0.052820514369250865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252444353611886,0.0457700399280253,0.2216054840307934,0.19483937505528315,0.11443888325789114,0.11469162995869026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509050258384801,0.0,0.0,0.12976317943266896,0.0,0.06510014410195719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804825669091853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782009066645308,0.09856638925395546,0.06895159333187374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044924046635591006,0.05658071661026407,0.0,0.07113075997374224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200469083342915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481737090961746,0.0,0.0415124336942255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798267242508916,0.0,0.0,0.2660643983474768,0.0,0.0,0.06484663281992217,0.0,0.0,0.0498860789350156,0.06408869389474367,0.07253811021419555,0.04586565684488168,0.0,0.0,0.054175563733241616,0.07422799223305174,0.0,0.0,0.07088050221957974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048721411596777404,0.10416730584521837,0.0566379120928948,0.05965898207733021,0.0,0.0,0.08610026225297616,0.0830422357279637,0.0,0.0,0.18892652492367135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997417248317072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596625209684064,0.0,0.0,0.07644124335926453,0.10287018592229108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152515526314613,0.0,0.0,0.13809583108578946,0.0,0.0,0.0417289692930898
suicidewatch,itissocoldinthed,2018/03/22,"Cancer survivor ready to end it all I'm 24 and live with my parents. I don't have a job and I'm living off of disability. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with leukemia. I went through the chemo for 3.5 years and finished treatment. Fast forward to when I was 22 and I fell into a deep depression with high anxiety. I Got involuntarily committed at 23 for suicidal thoughts where I found out I have borderline personality disorder. Every day is the same: wake up and browse the internet until I fall asleep. In my room almost 24/7. I hate this life. Everyone I know has graduated college and is moving on with their lives while I'm stuck in limbo with no hope of ever getting better. Cancer is so much easier than this, at least there was a hope that things will get better. I have no money and no friends. I'm a complete loser and that's how people will remember me. I'm a Christian so I will go to Heaven when I die, even if I kill myself (I believe God will be understanding and compassionate of my situation). I know Heaven has much more for me than Earth does. I'm just buying time until I finally buy a rope and hang myself in my dad's church.",2.8528260869565223,4.762324500000002,4.748043478260873,81.50423913043481,75.73913043478261,7.904347826086957,25.41304347826087,8.697196308434329,1.8916695652173905,905,32,180,19,20,309,140,230,0.18,0.674,0.146,-0.892,2,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,3,11,12,2,0,9,0,18,6,2,1,3,33,38,20,3,3,2,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,6,17,0,0,6,0,3,7,4,4,0,0,9,0,28,8,29,24,6,35,4,2,0,0,6,15,0,4,15,122,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967735903336725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067081490833566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715552016021106,0.0,0.24673208885277245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625080315353747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995839822328118,0.0,0.12014104743139875,0.1415776635893085,0.14476680777601367,0.0,0.15986564860331212,0.0,0.12206713002457499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354520992066692,0.0,0.0,0.09213069052787423,0.12617513118855564,0.11752488832317008,0.13328702503143128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528025878519889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294169453244566,0.10776829575894074,0.0,0.1457537337316991,0.0,0.07927440156589688,0.0,0.11156151654142778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771579386689992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737702167207606,0.0,0.27708666272208315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842059019808234,0.0,0.15432311010988534,0.0,0.1533182167378658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852469425673553,0.0,0.0,0.3695121088531818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825396197509885,0.2050798646729424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488522279544173,0.0,0.0,0.09670360713049726,0.12179578199231375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801302470801773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679066617098425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525775337082878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266981225315717,0.0,0.0,0.11073810988209556,0.08133673527208271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521221427984626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930702900963742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982587622199081
suicidewatch,Comfort_Twinkie,2018/03/22,"I need some advice I'd like to start off by saying I've read through the sidebar a bit as a starting point. The situation is my best friend lives in my hometown and I moved several states away several years ago. We've stayed very close through a long distance friendship. She has had very strong emotional reactions to my moving away and she has expressed to me that she has trouble finding someone else to connect with the way she and I connected. 

Recently she split from her husband. Her life has become more difficult as she had to move out of the family house. Since I'm not there I only know details she's shared with me, but she tells me she's extremely busy all the time and things are hard for her. Sometimes I don't hear back from her for days and I just worry until she responds to me. 

I don't have much to base my fears on aside from a gut feeling. She has a history of depression. She doesn't share much with me when I ask her how she's doing. I can't be there to recognize any warning signs if there are any. She's living with a roommate and I don't think she spends much time with anyone who might be able to pick up on anything.  

So I know this is a bit of an abstract concern, but I love her so much and I can't imagine ignoring my gut and having something happen. I'd like to reach out to her to let her know that I care for her. But I don't know how to address it. Should I continue to just tell her I love her and call me any time? Should I try to communicate to her somehow that I am afraid she's in a dark place and I can't see her to know about it? Is there something I can say that could disrupt any kind of thoughts she may or may not be having?  

Thank you in advance for any advice. This seems like a great supportive place and I wish it was around when I was in my dark place. ",2.947540520165848,3.996834593667547,3.8862900490011327,91.30838720316623,73.77572559366754,7.208480964945345,25.6729174519412,7.5804360353943165,1.0607307953260463,1417,46,321,17,28,456,184,379,0.068,0.789,0.14300000000000002,0.9809,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,3,16,21,0,2,15,0,38,5,2,3,1,56,61,25,0,6,9,1,2,3,1,5,1,3,1,0,11,20,0,1,11,1,1,4,10,6,0,0,5,6,66,15,53,46,10,40,0,1,1,2,47,18,0,8,18,223,77,1,0.08635068578748617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876178153250113,0.07654467284836186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936071371333918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060378407256059,0.0,0.07105925684784217,0.07687041775937546,0.08072623472555553,0.0,0.16225862357619802,0.06639834726084069,0.0,0.0,0.09536754822344813,0.0,0.0,0.09061971732001392,0.0,0.18854516849678876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817370477447599,0.0,0.08804027913186968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894399618205566,0.0,0.0,0.0556890487189288,0.0,0.07437371913786249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213491769745611,0.09713289902636127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814037415462106,0.09716852843058467,0.04366150128195719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892296243518881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671432563727431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952019359254038,0.0,0.0,0.07635962626435486,0.0,0.07735325346237636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732349865918156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996370977337592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992095124612934,0.2372803932163787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829942665566029,0.060992043064868,0.12655975000244982,0.0,0.1524984751365026,0.07641763962431115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586973055813744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160443173480054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27533134007277665,0.2539107587642027,0.06402793936585431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567358765230998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706542635239553,0.0,0.08162930907741138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637405350940609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526088479078849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733906240191054,0.0,0.0,0.0688103167116495,0.07861042123597853,0.0,0.19510339238869165,0.0,0.07143017960677403,0.09706178877704308,0.0,0.0,0.07316465584917023,0.13295395326403628,0.08540303622514217,0.0,0.12223891968984672,0.09203834172512836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798973492971652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509486108776085,0.07950010989260023,0.0,0.0,0.05736755868563776,0.05533003276474748,0.0,0.0685527990500627,0.1510553378895106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058626447441821564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249671830014451,0.0,0.06854115508452485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929902711931836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769331297922743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560701052869923
suicidewatch,TrusstIssues,2018/03/22,"Can't do what I love I have a fiance that I love and I want to stay for him, I don't want to hurt him but I think about suicide every day.

I told him I would stay and take part in this rat race for him, but it's miserable.

I was born with a talent for art but it was wasted in this country. Rockefeller said he wanted a nation of workers, not thinkers. I was raised as a second class citizen in my own family and couldn't go to an art institute for fear of the debt.

I've tried to be self taught and work up my skills, I've gotten to a point i can charge for my work and people want to commission me, but i work slow as a perfectionist and it doesn't pay enough.

Now I'm forced to get my CNA so i can be worthy to my mother in law. I feel like getting my art going as a part time job is life or death.

As soon as I realize I can't do art for days at a time because of school and work, I just think about dying. If i can't do what i love that makes me happy, i don't want to live at all.

I feel bad for my fiance, i can't stop thinking about dying every day just to escape the life of the subhuman work slave.
",1.9746211764705883,2.2257931679999987,3.974894117647061,92.7573294117647,75.32,7.3223529411764705,20.70588235294117,7.285733465282438,0.22026352941176475,852,15,217,9,17,293,123,250,0.173,0.703,0.124,-0.9683,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,7,8,10,0,2,12,0,21,5,0,1,1,35,45,19,4,8,9,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,8,0,1,7,4,2,2,9,4,0,1,7,3,35,6,37,34,5,23,0,2,0,3,13,9,0,2,11,139,44,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446604520650828,0.06896826965545383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889520453963374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23484010849865145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690246716557665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906483810004831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665704817467153,0.12731243332346862,0.1144125996460409,0.08082627267832701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182205478226588,0.0,0.12859860178519106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043819451263064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111726258469907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227265047820943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982634586270042,0.05527382851856984,0.0,0.09990349890713994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306336140919426,0.0,0.07552092602083146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450362608274769,0.0,0.07843609298159755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695259192468777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076207626590811,0.0,0.0,0.11450235187649747,0.0,0.0,0.11802828440005927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411814902075803,0.0,0.09458897567220688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375531767596185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506618295538691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748403174118733,0.0,0.0,0.13194411087502644,0.0,0.0,0.1081088265352704,0.0,0.07681371531998442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33366052931472084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118314157931276,0.0,0.0,0.08037044937409665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwishiwasaghost,2018/03/22,"i just can't do it anymore i'm tired of waiting for things to get better when its not.
my dads abusive,my moms stressed and doesn't have time for me and my friends just don't seem to care.

i've been dealing with the same problems my whole life and everyone always tells me ""just hang in there,its gonna get better"" but it doesn't. i seen a consular for a couple months but she didn't do anything for me and told me there is nothing she can do.

i've been waiting for years to get away from my dad but nothing ever works out to where we can. i just feel like i'm stuck and there is no way out. 

i say all this stuff but i know i'm not gonna commit suicide. either i'm not strong enough or i don't want my mom or other people to suffer. i just wanna all this to be over.",0.7687719298245597,2.2004916081871357,2.3121403508771934,98.79031578947372,80.28654970760233,4.793918128654972,19.587134502923977,4.604124745555138,-0.6240661988304095,599,14,148,1,15,195,95,171,0.145,0.772,0.083,-0.8175,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,0,4,10,9,0,1,3,0,17,2,0,0,4,37,36,12,1,3,15,4,1,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,6,3,19,6,20,27,6,13,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,3,6,98,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130297437810941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529760301789242,0.0,0.0,0.12886221913467952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471237333127446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698654031310066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965640854452384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326653431281525,0.0,0.0,0.16143990908691164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180182966945514,0.0,0.0,0.14164680899015106,0.0,0.14963076794648936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917783263610799,0.111869656148425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098291526044674,0.0,0.245439229034476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605909879548766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060585724568407,0.07650314663139808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667982994821328,0.12499057567833095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005093006534883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856146721497974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983779768751726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245285775566329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425558579830228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937608805832825,0.0,0.17926085651063195,0.17128669151981382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686867718471316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403304574940438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913102993944988,0.17997995113339155,0.0,0.14963076794648936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236226649542913,0.12429577423190155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482984471069693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400114677872547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084038440645847
suicidewatch,throwaway78cb,2018/03/22,"ready to go by charcoal So I bought a mini charcoal grill and charcoal recently. I am going to light it in the garage room. I am planning to lie down in the car and hope that I will leave this world peacefully.

I am asian male 27 that has been living under guise of lies and lies and mountain of lies.

I dropped out of uni at 22 without my parents knowing and pretended that I graduated. I went thru to even gettting a fake bachelor that looked real. I then pretended to go thru post grad of 2 years. I pretended to graduate too. After that I pretended i got a job that is in my field.
 Well now the rooster has to come home to roost. I pretty much have no future nor do I have the desire to try to get to successful working person. I have somehow kept this lie going for almost 6 years now but parents are poking around. I am still living at home with parents but they just went on cruise trip with just me home alone.
I am planning to light the charcoal in the gargage right now.

",3.0503787878787882,4.644695691919196,4.135239898989898,87.4561931818182,74.4040404040404,6.970202020202023,26.516414141414145,7.6454224807358475,1.4126353535353529,769,28,157,10,16,250,113,198,0.069,0.858,0.073,0.2144,4,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,4,12,4,0,0,9,0,15,0,0,0,0,22,29,10,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,9,10,0,1,1,5,1,10,3,1,1,0,6,3,21,3,35,22,1,36,0,0,1,0,6,14,0,3,10,111,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857740805930358,0.14333011081523686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319627454258927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192105706361039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140516676734063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230296583242114,0.0,0.31460048129432483,0.0,0.11068297617069778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164488002882255,0.13745231078809247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733053620456095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760554224064777,0.0,0.0,0.14653483080291482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440148184249236,0.0,0.11621258914775374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173243640989817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609965323704184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083664738405353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253918705245285,0.14079219257502015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751790538329574,0.0,0.0,0.13664324556306914,0.0,0.0,0.11818414475575788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051828399095563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939575993603656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442906247010553,0.2565774875471992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334028419604858,0.0,0.1007494325926342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782370054766811
suicidewatch,SandpaperSmooth,2018/03/22,"Starting to give up So I've been suicidal for basically since I was 13 or something. I've been living with a death wish, participating in riots, drinking since I was 13, and even doing drugs because I didn't have the courage to end it myself. Recently I've moved to a new town and tried going to college after dropping out of mrd school last year due to depression, and I've been doing okay, but today I've screwed up a calculus exam and my scholarship depends on my GPA. I'm very broke and so are my parents so I can't really afford to have a life if I lose the scholarship. I'm away from my parents and all my old friends because I'm not American qnd I came to this country recently, I've no friends or family here either. I've been crying in my closet and slashing my arms while drinking, and I don't really know what to do. I don't really know why I'm posting this, or if this is even the right place to post whatever this is but if I died I at least didn't want to feel like I died alone. I apologize to the mods and anyone who views this in advance if this isn't the place to write. ",4.3955900621118005,4.3837609565217415,5.900621118012424,82.01913043478261,69.86956521739131,9.354037267080745,29.90683229813664,9.23628265651192,2.335857142857142,860,31,185,16,14,294,121,230,0.196,0.735,0.069,-0.984,3,1,4,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,9,1,20,6,1,1,1,31,33,22,4,6,11,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,9,12,2,0,3,2,2,4,8,4,0,0,9,2,20,5,26,24,3,32,0,3,1,1,8,13,1,8,13,114,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288798270860625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700966452284238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691322316130155,0.0,0.0,0.15171201418364302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142323465946238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668886247840445,0.0,0.0,0.10717792412207304,0.0,0.2582931690864764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438029518210859,0.14430811180711572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021478019062299,0.0,0.0,0.1643797248288355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173086963490442,0.0,0.06291939042041422,0.08889824761621863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228036499702086,0.0,0.0,0.11937188655926705,0.07072075678967236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677530329045526,0.10143325396269484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789395823461987,0.06079392667154147,0.0,0.10988068222469198,0.0,0.0,0.13921384654986665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225747758222994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018261127402942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305763304702917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763464612855001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600216174525772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383536496593783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391537424312075,0.0,0.24573423909994804,0.0,0.0,0.10626903205336148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593749646562274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587214028465767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579814536535808,0.0,0.0,0.0880775750571071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361145393697149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795229643467782,0.0,0.0,0.08448496334866552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267405367551613,0.07339652163060154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228558062714253,0.0,0.14309710092972835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013373573604418
suicidewatch,icupthethrowaway,2018/03/22,Being back here is devastating I have been feeling worse and worse over the last few weeks. I’ve been considering taking a knife and cutting my arm open. I don’t know what to do. I want to see a psychiatrist but I’m very broke. I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels emotionally. I’m tired. I’m dead inside. I can keep the facade of joy up anymore. ,0.3687062404870645,2.70157278082192,2.6062100456621025,90.8241400304414,88.31506849315069,5.4362252663622534,19.07001522070015,6.937597516519254,0.2303558599695585,275,8,61,4,9,93,53,73,0.267,0.596,0.13699999999999998,-0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,0,10,19,3,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,7,2,5,16,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25852359641642536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044611836058532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932288735811266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636143462843545,0.18622918367920727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317035398539269,0.0,0.0,0.14326240259099565,0.21248823896897728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273546289187959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772747300213484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959982229235676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996122499359896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508753787333432,0.15375527273798031,0.0,0.20910103050938547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313084969013124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LonerBonerOrganDoner,2018/03/22,"I don't fit in this world I can't remember when I didn't want to die, I've never spoke about it because I'm embarrassed about it. I remember even in Primary school I hated my life. I just don't get what there is to live for? I get theres good happy moments but not for the majority of it. I hate my job and I get paid next to nothing so I never have money, ive found most people are just there to manipulate, people even pick fights with me. I'm 19 I just don't feel exited about life, I can tell my future already and I'd rather just get life out of the way now. My only problem is my family we are so close, I can't bear the thought of how they would feel especially my mum and dad. I thought of falling out with them all first but I don't want them to think that I'm a bad person, I thought of moving away and losing contact but that would still cause them pain, my mum tried to kill herself when I was really young so that's my main concern. I don't need help or someone to speak to I'm just tired of life, the older I have got the more bored I am. 

I want to know if any other people think their brain just doesn't fit in ",1.4029518072289164,2.555676232931728,3.3401987951807257,93.28981626506024,77.83534136546186,6.586425702811245,20.482128514056228,7.1686216300943375,0.21515405622489947,878,20,214,10,20,297,131,249,0.222,0.753,0.026,-0.9936,1,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,1,0,5,2,23,12,4,1,6,0,21,7,1,4,3,49,47,15,2,9,13,3,2,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,9,10,0,0,11,0,2,2,12,10,0,1,9,4,38,2,28,36,5,26,0,1,0,0,17,11,0,3,12,138,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854534629566391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921456610224897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944255807631452,0.0,0.0972610568779222,0.07100886655164881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003705064639692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196633479594826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089421707013055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153875986776346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981276083137356,0.0,0.11779777948148787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908304670197884,0.0,0.12772103427525214,0.0,0.0,0.2434367904527576,0.0,0.0,0.09770304317179934,0.09316460316165796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400165648048313,0.0,0.2300118837114943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807820069317857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559451462295245,0.0,0.1288746492319448,0.0,0.06401773327692308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32911040748155723,0.0,0.0,0.10285939109940996,0.0,0.0,0.13031818877356918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380632643537605,0.0,0.08637299291847535,0.17968257650619138,0.0,0.1238843258012563,0.0,0.0,0.11177158793044673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859295453523383,0.12394946024539465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227045656737944,0.1017111997743778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146149914904746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462400071172015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26391216608872603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789018725374376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869832395251484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302597767379754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181401609606064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492792232734938,0.0,0.2774309380656292,0.0,0.13388367607975973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908643913704153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061196209621416,0.09246127177250593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549681593613771,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jootaro,2018/03/22,"Close to doing it I've been depressed for 6 years now. I have my method of choice ready and my suicide note also. I feel quite calm right now.

I'm tired of trying anymore. I'm just fundamentally broken inside. Everything is gray and bland. I cant see ever getting better.

This is the second time I've been this close to killing myself, the last time was 6 years ago before I was hospitalized. ""It doesnt take much"" loops in my head, telling me how easy it would be to end everything.",2.4104352806414653,4.4884522886597935,3.4545704467353966,89.49143184421537,77.65979381443299,5.9605956471935855,21.087056128293238,6.937597516519254,0.3989001145475369,380,10,79,4,9,122,68,97,0.173,0.723,0.104,-0.8522,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,2,0,12,2,1,1,1,9,18,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,3,9,2,7,12,1,14,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,10,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159542145079116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382591947651684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316539225282887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432018770231902,0.0,0.0,0.1811814156107147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764450270557522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144454683157296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853069780254752,0.0,0.0,0.3682286842263458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035830245453973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703053636373283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102447581857678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266464786251741,0.0,0.0,0.16698768320438806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059516728231187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789309718258076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749487349138003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632463501172548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240828396192496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402870915110806,0.0,0.1790560700679605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891022697973324,0.2354556455417255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390860269590673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455261790396656,0.0,0.0,0.26384536341496234
suicidewatch,Mertyeseinnes,2018/03/22,"Should I be standing in the top of a hill, or in its depths? There are way too many things wrong with me, maybe I should just disappear (die)? 

Explaining is way too much of a hassle. Keywords - that'll do it for me.

(My) father - suicide, 37 years (I was 4)
(My) mother - died (when I born)

currently living with uncle, the SUPREME CHRISTIAN RELIGIOUS FANATIC.

Me? - A very, very sadistic 3/4 [heterosexual?] male (under 18) that totally looks (and acts?) like a girl (1/2 intentional, honestly) - Addicted to “Physical training” (torture [on myself] pretty much), big Ds, cute girls, playing the piano.
---
Absolutely hate: Fat / any sort of religious people (especially Christians) - vegan folks - country folks - ignorants (general) - getting called out in the school's office for ""violently attacking other students"" - being labeled as weirdo.

That'll do for the key stuff. Now, (people that are going to reply to this bunch of whining) please DO NOT try to pretend that you care for any of this, for I know you don’t - all I want is a to read up a good reason to cancel my suicidal plans. If anyone come up with anything that lights my dark path then I may stay alive for now and die in another (distant?) day.

Side note~
I wish I hadn’t become... this / I lost count of how many times a d*** thrusted into my a**, my mou** and other holes of my body. Why does it even feels SO GOOD when I hit other people with heavy objects (or bite them hard) and they bleed a lot!? Why people keep saying that my “musical talents” for pianos and keyboards were wasted on someone like me? That's too much work for keeping up this male-girly body with my messed-up head in the current society, that’s why I’m gonna simply bail out of my life (yes, kill myself). I’m not tired, but I know that I won’t be able to keep being myself for long, as the “likes of me” hardly survive on the modern society (I can’t even get a job).

",2.5671428571428585,4.850027146814405,3.9262002374356975,85.28455955678673,78.08587257617728,6.784994064107638,23.88769291650178,7.859703344183488,1.3782743332014251,1444,49,278,24,35,474,216,361,0.085,0.815,0.1,0.3378,3,0,0,0,0,2,106.0,0,2,2,5,13,20,5,0,18,1,22,8,4,3,2,42,43,16,6,5,7,2,3,3,0,7,5,1,0,3,22,14,1,4,5,3,0,4,6,9,0,0,4,6,36,11,47,27,7,40,2,2,1,0,12,19,0,6,16,175,58,6,0.09676343701779952,0.0,0.0,0.10548642916914576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160491066349164,0.10146490067265944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765924502481938,0.0,0.07962806388648584,0.0,0.0,0.11008237883107316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686761386901346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149647295427854,0.0,0.0,0.09880628799600688,0.0,0.09865677298466498,0.0,0.0,0.08335313297057607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240441183706445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30127551194392505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467833581157144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782267510509468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048926501172171295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011098041564376,0.0,0.05499289117149662,0.1623211601207125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336206658391698,0.09553386105883506,0.0993072026325178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602278039689614,0.2580233664983705,0.1070544063642696,0.0,0.10635730880497117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834687720047675,0.141821182850701,0.0,0.08544388767506404,0.08563259679296635,0.08125691660059846,0.0,0.10562872202446456,0.08226481385927982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620587502812126,0.09721187837429472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133967798555298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268334334300739,0.0,0.0,0.10621719633076347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844320253065232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678962257808343,0.0,0.0,0.09948892918197556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695016891653217,0.0,0.09792976421536423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198734617595979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313694907600612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077098493590422,0.21168698951225687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428532791741977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056423538276026475,0.11121533637534116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569602201626222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967993885321707,0.057073582207303276,0.1536126246749459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194185395617137,0.0,0.11127317714923557,0.0,0.0,0.0704449345959308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579562820013842,0.0,0.062312480925561686
suicidewatch,Mniagmdmah,2018/03/22,"I hope you'll understand I need a break from all this. The past 2 months have taken a huge toll on me. My mental health is really bad but I don't tell anyone because I don't have anyone to share my emotions with. I know this is whiny and bitchy but it is how it is. I feel like writing this down will help you understand more easily that none of which you see is your fault. Its mine.  

From the past 3 weeks I've been crying myself to sleep in the silence and solemn of my room. The only one who sees me cry is probably the mirror opposite to my bed. It seems like nobody cares. Even if they do, it will take a lot to see through the façade I put on- that I'm happy and nothing is wrong. I don't want you to suffer because of me. I make a consious effort to not look like my world is falling apart.   

I've tried to hang myself twice. The first time the knot opened and the second time I slipped from the noose. Even the universe is playing a joke on me. Nobody, not even you, know about this. I don't want those fake sympathetic looks from people who KNOW it will be better with me gone.
The truth is, I'm just an after-thought for most people I know. Even the closest ones. My death will probably feel bad for a week or a month at most. After that, they'll just move on and their lives will be 10 times better without my burden.  

Life is not for the weak or the dumb. Its the survival of the fittest. And my death will be in accordance with nature.  

I failed you and I failed myself. I can not ask forgiveness for that since that is of no use. I do, however, apologize for putting this on a public forum, and the mess on the floor. Do me a favor and return the gun to its owner. The poor guy probably still thinks I've gone hunting.  
  


Bye.",1.145273930440137,3.1718756842105265,2.4089219759926124,95.65237342259157,81.63157894736842,5.4515543244075095,18.338027085257004,6.5620332695718595,-0.1864441982148355,1346,30,305,13,36,431,180,361,0.175,0.659,0.166,-0.7785,1,0,0,1,0,1,40.0,0,7,3,7,9,27,1,0,31,0,34,4,1,3,2,49,63,15,2,5,12,0,2,3,0,8,3,0,2,1,22,13,0,0,11,2,1,7,11,13,0,5,4,7,44,14,39,48,6,38,0,4,5,0,23,17,1,8,17,206,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089129836290454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418618790487193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682414720973852,0.1228306233152604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820760935178676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271974534304143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213348529952681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332843047299525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617356799015784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188287309402752,0.07197470302593732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569656845266542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975679158737194,0.0,0.10724858385497543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709087658168284,0.0,0.0,0.06752955316855731,0.0,0.0,0.10006592976325876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147482317338754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116160004662182,0.14766179093388054,0.0,0.0889627150531901,0.0,0.1692066247062758,0.0,0.0,0.08565271774733006,0.0,0.0,0.06725036355722787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015307275091378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083288132311774,0.10707964360597674,0.0,0.0747036889404803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667084183386687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653949565898546,0.07662372570746673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923515647503654,0.13969256064381325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258715630783749,0.0,0.0,0.20256001078032915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454202810737714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240850379370369,0.09171759256435524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334014761613262,0.0,0.10082119561962403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045783137429002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575028580287063,0.0,0.08805857399662083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455552993992764,0.0,0.07998300471569154,0.17624167021865836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684015749492459,0.0,0.0,0.20976535055342893,0.0,0.08701430136584133,0.0,0.0,0.1188480760679371,0.0,0.1616286371018532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711789738054744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015259934373184,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bootyfulwonders,2018/03/22,My life is over and I’m ashamed I’m in my third year of university and I am about to fail out. I have let down everyone in my family and my friends and I am so ashamed. I won’t be able to live with myself and I can’t go home to tell anyone once the inevitable happens. I have 3 methods of killing myself ready to go and I don’t know if I should call 911 myself so that my roommates don’t have to be the ones to deal with the mess once I’m gone. ,0.21372549019607945,1.5339305686274507,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,81.54901960784314,5.7098039215686285,21.13725490196079,6.42735559955562,-0.0567333333333333,346,10,91,3,9,117,57,102,0.16399999999999998,0.7809999999999999,0.055,-0.9001,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,2,3,0,14,1,0,0,0,12,22,9,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,1,0,16,1,16,16,0,9,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,61,17,1,0.2288263460358558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000070162582314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336572836218468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359099150318306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186533797748879,0.0,0.0,0.21571711401933075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679066731900842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600945715147812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235038208889436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295314824338015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253162448444936,0.0,0.1257569754553669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339904422809333,0.16162681540414436,0.0,0.0,0.2020578558426616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873851808882917,0.15505865414627815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000043123648071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473566644806381
suicidewatch,beepbooptattoo,2018/03/22,"I feel like im goonna snap soon... Nothing is working out.. 
Just broke my phone.... Now It's gonna be a bit hard to find a job. 
Got 0$ so not getting a new one any time soon. 
And this is gonna completly fuck my job search,,
Why is my life such a shit.. for what do i get this,., karma?

I want to cry and slit my wrist.l",-2.746712328767124,-1.086660397260271,0.18850684931506834,106.71317123287672,98.17808219178082,3.4679452054794515,14.149315068493149,4.935628992294339,-1.5022482191780822,233,5,67,1,10,80,55,73,0.155,0.79,0.055,-0.7906,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,4,0,5,3,1,0,0,8,13,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,7,1,4,9,1,6,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,6,34,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133518576914104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429566118429552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333295026426005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444503130237053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252317419761232,0.15898299293021648,0.0,0.0,0.20339800486787746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573512603351785,0.232536474785826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798598440063318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935259573165245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403819512214561,0.0,0.4416742577817779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718695154654494,0.1087220577839428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149310222739204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353363220259824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079921667217686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228434647189906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976516763250934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312601653282932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080820656979315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620121499999252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maksimkuzmin,2018/03/22,"Find a way out of eating disorder (addiction). Or commit suicide. I'm not emotional right now, I'm writing it as cold and logic, as possible. And I don't feel like ""suicide is just symptom of depression"" - because I've been treating the depression for about 4 weeks or so, with a lot help of my psychiatrist (and meds). Treating the depression... But not the root reason of it.

I'm posting here because I'm still hoping that somebody may suggest me another option to stop overeating and lose weight, because... why not to try? I mean, I'm going to be gone for the eternity, why not to wait few days, just to be sure that it's my real decision, not emotional.

Now I want to talk about my problem. It's not trivial ""overeating"" or something. For last 3-4 month I started ""healthy nutrition"" diet for more than 15 times summary, and each time I failed. How does the ""fail"" look like? It's easy. You're just doing some things, keeping the diet as usual, and surprisingly you just find yourself thinking about particular kind of food extremely hard (sweet and pizza at most). I can't concentrate on anything except dreaming of eating that right now, right here. I can compare this feeling to a physical pain, it's out of willpower's control. However nobody believes that wishing to eat could be so strong... well, it can.

And I can't eat just a small piece. I'm eating till my stomach suffers of the amount of food I've recently ingested.

I've tried so many approaches to stop this... I've tried many variants of diets, I attended gym, I hired a trainer, but all my tryings are breaking by the problem above. I thought it was caused by depression, but now I realize that the depression was caused by my problem.

I'm ugly and fat. And I've already lost my weight to the ""normal"" scale, but I regain it twice. And I just can't keep living this way. It's hard to see my obese reflection at the mirror every morning. My the very first goal was to become a bodybuilder, and harder I want a ""beautiful body with six-pack abs"", fatter I become. Ironic, isn't it?

It's humiliating for me to look ugly. I always wanted to be the best. Best at work, best at body shape. And I've got a great job paying good salary - I'm not kind of lazy, weak person. I've just faced the issue I can't overcome. And I feel like I'm done here, because I don't want to wake up one morning and discover myself over 240lbs on scales.

Another thing that makes me more sad about my situation... I don't remember the name of that guy (if you do, please write a comment below), but I remember that he was really, really fat. And he was lucky enough to send a letter to the very popular trainer from USA (I don't remember his name as well), and the trainer answered to him, and helped this guy to lose weight. And after few years of his ""salvation"", guess what? He died because of overeating! He regained every pound he lost, and even more!

I don't want to end up like him. So I've already got a plan of committing a suicide. And I'm not afraid of how painful the method I've chosen can be. Because every day is painful for me. And every next day is more painful than previous.",3.1289483854880897,4.958187701782824,4.39471231766613,84.68823104974446,74.73743922204214,7.469006358309437,27.748690936292235,8.263242389622931,1.9475146739808005,2440,98,479,42,52,803,274,617,0.174,0.725,0.102,-0.9915,4,0,2,0,0,6,117.0,0,2,0,15,28,44,0,1,30,0,33,30,7,8,4,109,71,42,4,13,25,0,8,4,0,1,11,0,0,3,27,27,18,6,17,2,1,5,18,22,2,3,13,13,45,22,76,51,17,54,0,13,3,0,25,20,0,12,29,293,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061418970194122936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434529148894034,0.0,0.04687943459467029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815490882094445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636306035743875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606622792913687,0.1244463167942332,0.0,0.06347594278221047,0.17737621852751306,0.0,0.0,0.12516218835510473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575350109011512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319015634528098,0.044982945193420484,0.0,0.0,0.10900401333492613,0.0,0.2426280109275183,0.0,0.05847207656330261,0.0,0.06457057794240942,0.0,0.04930355709509659,0.05765543161305881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882496803722012,0.0,0.12674994532788852,0.04990056135442022,0.058214331906458125,0.0,0.03721207142116994,0.0,0.18987568693946413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854616657573407,0.08049868541771091,0.0,0.0,0.10298756934105607,0.04792281742907966,0.136253223282476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03201934855842793,0.047255360589291584,0.09012056889202673,0.062115103608609536,0.062064916494496136,0.11157101379602984,0.0,0.0,0.10093923629963543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552709533174884,0.0,0.0,0.05595838164237025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880437420331271,0.05590880583982078,0.10015524954993296,0.0,0.11733898368652022,0.0,0.045924660050037265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009960960236004,0.0,0.049749296015792366,0.0,0.09462290416060933,0.12606020860598685,0.1230036390607386,0.047898295451317116,0.0,0.0,0.037607420611857935,0.11423993479711772,0.0,0.06137083069234636,0.06258109417755238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497009009466866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059918281939342725,0.0,0.055201286506604164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03817747571735269,0.0,0.23979914027631066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919395819489682,0.0,0.0618444558880815,0.0,0.06351494070335864,0.053958193711888924,0.0,0.0,0.1617294558015839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412731087900217,0.07218575691746172,0.05792695443576791,0.055629002089739636,0.0,0.1914668801640268,0.14434228362698615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489572517973159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332857633322789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043373322726550506,0.0,0.0,0.03987777710470504,0.0,0.044993236407354094,0.09420560845263633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488060978662588,0.0,0.05309983001377855,0.05855888377933635,0.0,0.04528399776484191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485965105422858,0.03610042888773822,0.0,0.04472770615706125,0.06570467202118277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153004781747583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205060499888095,0.0929728826946938,0.16615410494374272,0.08944021795659671,0.04519258942918716,0.2058210070338796,0.10131294156034933,0.0,0.10167626330353344,0.0,0.06478827660168117,0.0,0.0,0.04101622713322388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628114477694686
suicidewatch,pdxrctid13,2018/03/22,don’t know what to do sometimes i’m surprised at the turn on events in life. it feels like a never ending cycle of emotions too quick fleeting to ever settle in. i guess i wasn’t cut out for this but. i am way too weak and sensitive to handle anything. i’ve been reduced to a joke of a human being who hates myself more than anyone else could ever hate me. i am a pathetic excuse of life. i don’t care. i will be the first to admit it. i hate myself so much. i’m tired of being this way. i’m tired of people doing nothing but playing me. nobody truly cares. i will care about everyone so much more than anyone will ever care about me. i still try to be the best person i can but when it’s not reciprocated i get angry at myself. because i’m not worthy of anything. i am a lost cause and know i will never find peace. i know it sounds like i am not even trying but nobody will ever know how hard i try and have tried for so long. i will never get how people do this. how do people wake up everyday and do the same thing over and over and over again. life never truly gives a break. you can get a physical break but mentally it never comes. there will never be a time i will be satisfied with myself internally or externally. i don’t blame anyone for not wanting to be around me. i get it. i am disgusting and so alone. i don’t know what to do. i’m not trying to be dramatic i know i’ve done this a million times and is easy to just write me off as some idiot who says these things without a brain. i may be dumb but i am completely in touch with myself and know where my morals stand. however i don’t know where my life is going and at this point it will not go anywhere. i am so lonely and afraid and do not know how to go on.,0.824593495934959,2.6968056531165345,3.0535704607046092,91.42637195121954,81.89972899728997,5.617615176151762,17.838075880758808,6.691623216298621,-0.08369322493224908,1342,28,298,14,36,458,161,369,0.172,0.6940000000000001,0.133,-0.9566,1,3,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,3,27,21,7,1,14,0,47,9,2,5,10,67,83,30,0,2,16,0,3,2,0,10,7,2,0,2,19,17,0,0,12,2,0,4,20,11,0,2,4,5,40,10,43,59,7,48,1,2,0,0,10,18,1,4,23,228,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026836250154784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257292047095398,0.07940962524033915,0.12755455067744226,0.06899292247511142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047244302020209496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133322692933717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651750116426837,0.0,0.0,0.31607249341851923,0.0796155695237744,0.0,0.06676083094758856,0.08125903219619023,0.0,0.0,0.06187878149176317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931112200984985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647427050549903,0.08717895346017199,0.06864348074785756,0.0,0.0,0.05118912571032053,0.28041881005865443,0.0,0.07405617217016641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03918717578096749,0.0553672124392746,0.0,0.0,0.07083512731570919,0.06592288556057954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196570667150692,0.07434666913724547,0.132137964584322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537683314317962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942627833808636,0.22955057790703776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833360459353153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896690151705944,0.0757268077447868,0.0,0.0,0.06858654395289887,0.0,0.0,0.0846022339289206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810346028224306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394529785080285,0.0,0.3586444196818738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436494784244395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118971019369902,0.067671473638907,0.0,0.0,0.07326413407175568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061632443020929475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665113874968801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189293814103425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297733886067978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038370043367937,0.17815354998484187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630927514929153,0.08429956774187303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571249618967668,0.12303444515948295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470884949656123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boyjoyzee1199,2018/03/22,"People don't care I don't get it, while we are alive people don't care about you when you are lonely, sad, and depressed and hurt. but once you die they all of a sudden act like they cared, and would do this and that, but in reality they would have never cared or done it. ",10.204655172413792,4.569437396551724,9.35103448275862,79.67241379310346,62.96551724137931,12.289655172413795,32.44827586206897,7.1686216300943375,1.8793172413793109,211,2,51,1,2,67,39,58,0.239,0.5870000000000001,0.174,-0.3975,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,3,3,0,2,9,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,2,12,15,9,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,8,5,3,12,1,6,0,4,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7874021109382522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629326946977716,0.0,0.20037902357662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975804481307579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008725387279129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668836316037095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432558908868124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890960091645955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056161686432548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677046578678063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743066722793332,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,271115160318,2018/03/22,"I was talking to a friend and said ""if X happened, I would kill myself"" and her reaction was like I was exaggerating, little does she know I've actually been having suicidal thoughts for almost 6 years and I, deep down, wish I could go through with it Actually I didn't care about this X thing I just said what I wanted to say and meant it but obviously as I had never exhibited any warning signs no one around me knows about it. Every day I wish I didn't wake up. I'm so tired of life. I hate it and myself. ",2.099171907756812,3.708774556603775,4.254276729559752,85.53904612159329,77.01886792452831,7.352620545073376,23.09853249475891,8.167268648758528,1.125659538784067,397,12,88,7,9,137,75,106,0.2,0.691,0.109,-0.8984,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,10,3,1,0,2,23,24,9,2,6,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,11,3,17,3,12,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,4,59,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.3419113749750832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542288071274945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913208485828668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595215465490056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861319903337422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987129338580265,0.0,0.0,0.11298009548464352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330593116478744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760126199242946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534781171672056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956190456140296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491587780679994,0.0,0.0,0.17295932173233314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381669816337085,0.0,0.19255463757353172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373863457520423,0.08558674143131981,0.1755818017545916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511378654943768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871016634927342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33328288027849223,0.13931446793294888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191624402697652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080739510970658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638540084850127,0.0,0.0,0.13907764561586214,0.0,0.20134985577381675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332889258323154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029091472578702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444668758540642,0.0,0.0,0.11281365912455585
suicidewatch,ramendude0720,2018/03/22,"Thinking of ending it Last night I had an argument with my roommates. The power went out, and I had to leave because I had an audition to go to. They said I laughed as I left. I don't remember doing that, but I'm willing to believe that I did. It was then brought up that I'm incredibly rude to them, and I had no idea about it. I feel awful because this is just what I always do. I've never had any friends because I always push everyone away. I'm just so completely repulsive that anytime I try to get close to anyone, they realize that I'm annoying as hell; or they realize that I'm just rude. So they leave, or I leave because I don't want to be hurt again. Which in turn hurts me. I try to be better, but I don't know how. I really just think I'm meant to be alone. I don't think I'm meant to be happy. Today I'm going to ride my bicycle to a handgun store, try to buy a handgun, and shoot myself. I don't know when I'm going to shoot myself, or even if I can buy a gun (I don't know my states gun laws at all.) I want to kill myself sometime today. Hopefully someone could convince me not too?",1.5711054833737066,2.70946933891214,3.979387800044045,88.93682448799825,77.36820083682008,7.207311164941642,24.712838581810175,7.85451343220497,1.1864845188284523,848,29,195,13,19,297,118,239,0.262,0.6729999999999999,0.066,-0.9937,1,1,0,6,0,1,29.0,0,0,5,2,13,13,5,0,6,1,23,0,0,1,2,38,52,16,1,5,11,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,13,0,4,7,9,7,0,0,12,2,35,6,26,34,1,24,1,2,0,0,7,7,1,5,9,127,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741419738835952,0.0,0.0,0.20472913263242726,0.0,0.0,0.0836595114204881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860201850116176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558367845447205,0.0,0.0,0.299973470766252,0.0,0.0,0.13860421761896602,0.0,0.10880339456758732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898673954676465,0.0,0.0,0.09822344736371874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896141060885506,0.0,0.0,0.08125519400332303,0.0,0.0,0.11755326064530053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622038670584846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950468701485621,0.0,0.06427417315131652,0.0,0.20974954736018445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309597275720468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218909033577875,0.0,0.0,0.2633962386525284,0.13887741619629262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610615723520555,0.0,0.2028298285929431,0.10027974846300867,0.0,0.3907891597236033,0.1336642947041424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488252792976963,0.0,0.0,0.11544827254036467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881135688764973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936049870175765,0.0,0.11702255929659502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423655605498576,0.0,0.12167238770451995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364835313527498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23322187063926625,0.0,0.0,0.2505725847056007,0.13381314168218233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451237033149588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404308019370095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qwerty1357531,2018/03/22,"Why should I live? I know life is supposed to be a gift, but I feel like death is a bigger and better gift. I’m a introvert and extremely shy, and I have a personality where I’m just mean (I used to be able to keep it under control). But I think because I’m going through the stages of being a teenager and stress from high school I lost my control on it and now, for a year or two, I’ve just been hurting everyone I love (not physically) and I’ve just been thinking... if I kill my self 1. I’ll be dead, so no more stress 2. I’ll stop hurting my family 3. If I’m not around anymore like a giant black cloud, my family can be happy, but maybe not for a week or two, but they will be at some point when I’m not around anymore. I also can’t just go and talk to someone about how I feel",2.1668992248062047,2.646075302325581,4.269767441860466,89.97968992248066,75.04651162790698,7.36124031007752,24.21705426356589,7.492282038375204,0.8152542635658913,600,17,146,7,12,208,99,172,0.227,0.637,0.136,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,4,13,11,1,2,9,0,15,2,0,4,0,39,32,19,3,3,16,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,9,0,4,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,3,3,16,5,15,21,2,18,0,3,1,1,5,10,0,5,7,91,18,1,0.13249414033316992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595551615562153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627971699459127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589575057100626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076719818095099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718030010258068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972068891781531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660382899998945,0.0,0.0,0.2498073676591864,0.0,0.13398603671186712,0.0946538403275976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059894656000525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104247610318787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399873336950785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836754350712962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776687966614033,0.1465851356386048,0.0,0.07281531450599457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358452963455748,0.1294598888585051,0.0,0.1169947533193668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463300550752864,0.0,0.11958113456729533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310817238752676,0.14432496081103244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568877280169346,0.0,0.0,0.12524978850567034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409114354172794,0.0,0.0,0.13822028426580082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226185514455826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077103401340964,0.3035431802013477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649377121096644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979379049317814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25885504590788216,0.0,0.0,0.11443239695941132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627880745192417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955535350546224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532188238353558
suicidewatch,throwaway4brotha,2018/03/22,"My brother [33m] attempted suicide for the fourth time. My brother has been bullied since his childhood because of his weight and color. His first attempt of suicide was when he was in school and kids use to tease him because of his color. During his graduation, He called him around 3 AM at night from his hostel and told me he can't take any longer and wants to come home. I took a flight early morning and picked him from the airport. He was literally filled with filth and torn clothes. He took atleast a year to recover, he took several counselors help and was able to complete graduation and masters with distant education. 

I tried to be as supportive as I could but it was only when it reached the boiling point. He was very good in hiding his pain. Financially, I helped him to get appointments and support to pay his counselors. Once I got job overseas, it became harder to be emotional support all the time and it was mostly financial support. Mistake i made was, I gave him more than he needed.

He was never able to become independent. I think I was responsible for that since I aided just too much that required money for him thinking he needs it but eventually he just got use to it and never attempted hard enough (IMO) to be independent. Now, i told him i will not send funds over but only pay for his counselling sessions other that that he should start working on his own. This was heavily influenced by the decision when I brought him to my location at overseas for 4 months because he said he needed a break before he gets a job. I had tough time convincing my wife to accommodate him. She was fair IMO, she was fine having parents over my place but she was adamant about my brother being independent and not been spoon fed. She felt I have been too sensitive and soft towards him which is right because I really cared for him. I just felt that I need to be very sensitive about him because he has attempedt suicide several times, I heard so many stories where people say to support a person of that condition and regret they didn't do it after they lost him/her. I dont want to be in that position of remorse. I wouldn't forgive myself if I lost him.

After 4 months when he went back, he still didn't put an effort for getting a job or being independent, he said he has become more depressed. this really made me upset and had a stern conversation with him and said i won't aid him anymore until my mother (who is bed ridden) convinced me to atleast support him for counseling fees. My father is aloof from all this. My parents, in a nutshell have been critical to all of us and never were very supportive. 

Yesterday, he called me and broke down. He said he has attempted suicide again. He wants to come to my location again. He is basically frustrated being at home, doesn't know what to do in life. He is just sick taking care of mother, cooking for her and have no goal of his own. I had arranged for maids and care taker for my mother but apparently it is not enough . In a way he thinks its a route of escaping his dreaded feelings when does all these household chores. I spoke to him for half an hour and calm him down. He felt OK after that but I had to start conversing with my father to be open with him and try to understand and support him. I passed on new counselors contact details and told him to stop meeting the current counselor and  get a new one. 

He is just frustrated that he can't step out of the house, his anxiety and low self confidence takes the best of him. He is not very open about his issues. At one hand, I have empathy of all the mental illness he is facing but at the other hand, I feel he is taking advantage of my softness and never wants to venture out and just have chill out life spending money i have been sending him. I am not sure how to help him, he is talented and well educated (Masters) but he just doesn't know how to step out and position himself in the society and work. 

tldr: my brother is suffering from bipolar. He was bullied throughout his life. At one end, I tried to help my brother with emotional and financial support but at the other end, i feel he is just chilling out and it is making him think that he does not need to be independent since i will take care of things. I am not sure what to do. ",5.251028190559438,6.108999397836541,5.8113190559440575,80.34163548951052,68.24278846153847,8.839370629370631,31.473426573426572,8.995579910939314,2.584328076923078,3377,136,646,58,55,1093,328,832,0.127,0.747,0.126,0.0649,7,0,0,0,0,4,74.0,1,0,2,16,29,41,3,2,25,1,79,14,3,14,11,132,152,55,4,15,26,13,12,0,0,5,7,7,5,3,32,49,4,2,15,1,7,15,21,15,1,5,52,21,104,26,106,84,14,90,0,7,2,0,129,34,0,3,39,446,136,13,0.09820960079314607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333929481450252,0.0,0.03756503789762921,0.0,0.0486987671399218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371368317519882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03775856044652778,0.0,0.14966915273735895,0.10846478813956632,0.04178456839803872,0.0,0.051532458490770025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028298290143896,0.0,0.200262466670788,0.0,0.0,0.08459887501094528,0.05148544895788317,0.0,0.0,0.0392061874226893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042293892627599486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594388347690292,0.0,0.057550460351313386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047258224140638,0.08698455614884748,0.1014767707004242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448658754401911,0.0,0.1414449271251937,0.0,0.0,0.04176851813212612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262092592525744,0.0,0.0,0.04118677681117067,0.07854718937205085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439882559895775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165565048421876,0.0,0.09851223711692024,0.0,0.0483583369818362,0.056660346720942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125265378635662,0.14618681219579455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053973428192966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040525181647218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720738061841087,0.0,0.0,0.09292829887927956,0.03277783556973663,0.04978456029894104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049486089227432514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838996637884385,0.0,0.03609767836222982,0.18205293644696172,0.15149059712303145,0.09485144442877856,0.0,0.04608152872177798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229500981503469,0.09982405077282253,0.07469282689729075,0.05225096976780405,0.0,0.10905013935811947,0.0,0.0,0.034043085724004635,0.04287641764584088,0.051304064990418924,0.0,0.04641990844891869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049363887235432766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291558506864174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193523123460235,0.18683964025313865,0.03905010819772573,0.0,0.04969667958150704,0.0,0.0,0.051227016172658166,0.1109488946447877,0.0,0.1218599949691533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951326092342999,0.0,0.03921515702795978,0.04105381189894579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485072640895767,0.5015119101463732,0.09256138648465594,0.0,0.18460349365205692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03262304743508095,0.12585749331674728,0.0,0.0,0.11453361600634412,0.0,0.0,0.14076522335674846,0.16367172012155154,0.1000168084365588,0.0,0.0,0.051119828986630665,0.059067028762474175,0.08482156263610313,0.0,0.16206641199158436,0.1158531341416282,0.03897710491448005,0.0,0.059796417972777474,0.04415111280597085,0.045520641927566594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149775904811054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031621881491271514
suicidewatch,Dilara1993,2018/03/22,😢 I came on here to ask for help. But people are so cruel. I give up 😭,-5.834999999999999,-5.716177277777778,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,127.33333333333334,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.0292666666666666,51,0,16,0,4,20,17,18,0.249,0.613,0.138,-0.4882,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655599838878839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5695759166522493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777241142735117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337969014826569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452484261719806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daffodilsandlilies,2018/03/22,"I'm worried about risking my boyfriend's job So, my boyfriend is seriously suicidal. To a point where I've tried alerting his friends and family, e-mailed and left a voicemail with his therapist, and actively working with his friends to make sure we cover all our bases.

I'm in a long distance relationship with him, I'm in California, he's in Iowa. So, I can't personally be with him right now. He moved and got a new job recently, so I don't have his new address. I can't ask him for his new address because he is a stubborn dummy and he won't want to give it to me because I've called the police to his place before, for suicide threats. He hates when I call the police on him and has absolutely no sense of self preservation, even when he isn't suicidal.

I was thinking about calling his work to see if I can get his new address from them, but I was worried that if I did, he could potentially lose his job. I don't even know if his new job would be willing or could give me such personal information, so I could be needlessly risking his job. Losing his job because of me is the last thing he needs, and would probably worsen his overall mental health.",7.65726102223956,5.892773618025753,7.9653296917674625,75.68223566133439,63.892703862660944,11.39118220834959,38.778384705423335,10.230975488527342,3.7222223175965663,915,41,188,17,11,302,122,233,0.168,0.8,0.032,-0.9802,6,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,2,0,1,4,13,11,3,2,8,0,24,1,0,1,2,31,39,18,3,10,5,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,3,3,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,1,35,3,21,25,1,21,0,2,1,0,41,9,0,4,11,116,38,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035990483477741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719911942470932,0.0,0.07314463532374964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633207363886953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589339974624174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113549996390266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810343371778422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328231615794792,0.0,0.04490994218179363,0.1649190896507238,0.0,0.0,0.06874913087045116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848665510204654,0.0,0.09137021937302313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118052657786825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047240726345906085,0.0700679212920576,0.0,0.0,0.0933945230660708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607086183054601,0.0,0.19233189238724666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737818820123915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662628546640641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913606353684166,0.0,0.06373738514745947,0.0,0.4150978805491001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011187397312073,0.08980868459864919,0.0,0.08125888109968785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267816007087032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487397698170708,0.09228761695213457,0.0,0.07340837331745848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849806040623549,0.0,0.08967380926324901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820750333446705,0.0,0.08101518238726853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980482985453633,0.057107228799337925,0.05507894902563382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058360404808208276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070074654821969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515810770669195,0.17459073396931735,0.0,0.12212537671302008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neonp0lka,2018/03/22,"Hello inpatient number 2 Don’t know what’s really going on in my head I just felt like dying so much, the thought wouldn’t go away, now I’m sitting in hospital waiting to see what’s gonna happen. 

I regret telling Mum. I regret not just doing it ",0.5658333333333339,2.834720326923083,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,86.11538461538461,5.7743589743589725,20.2051282051282,7.1686216300943375,0.7344512820512823,195,6,39,3,6,68,43,52,0.118,0.802,0.08,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,10,13,1,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,2,4,1,5,9,1,8,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043497671689192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361957858450859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110306188368894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682020781045573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864566944110477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324531371338001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802747450335935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825940751150538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381311963837733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075225363974799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258136096663921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831354880407793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571700408868113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,luminarch6764,2018/03/22,"Life isn't worth the suffering it comes with There is far far much more pain, suffering and misery in this wretched world than is joy and meaning. And God, if he exists is totally fine with it. Completely complicit in the suffering we live through each day. Why should I or anyone live in such a world where suffering and anguish reign supreme. Life is pain and suffering. Living is painful and and suffering is inherent in it. One of the best feelings is pressing a knife or sharpened pencil into my wrist. Each day I press headed and  feels so good. I can only hope that one day I have the stomach to put a stop to my pain once and for all.",3.9237599999999984,5.680889256000004,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,72.44,8.200000000000001,28.5,8.841846274778883,2.2222000000000004,507,20,100,10,10,160,78,125,0.158,0.604,0.238,0.8913,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,4,17,0,1,7,0,11,9,3,0,2,27,16,13,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,16,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,11,0,2,0,4,7,6,13,15,7,16,0,6,0,0,2,10,0,4,4,68,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324103877908307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495065496359642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718829526129913,0.15480930409224888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856681137999489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931360239056926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384268536059508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153256224282566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665079611295054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858058930143925,0.0,0.0,0.3911357147568373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608352656920132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854050182555483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572435365880842,0.20010432908207532,0.1122952677572204,0.6284444581237624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843007461111968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344287908626192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323209608302009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riden_the_high,2018/03/22,"I legitimately want to die      I can't talk to anybody about it.  Saying, ""Hey, just wanted you to know that I would like nothing more than to walk directly in front of oncoming traffic"" seems just so cliche.  I know I want to die, and I even know why I want to which makes it that much worse.  I'm a failure; it's what I do.  I start a life-altering project to change my life, most likely for the better, and then bam!!!! I fail.  I am to the point now where I just take whatever combination of pills and hope that there is some secret combination that will be my final, preferably silent, demise.  I do enjoy the highs, but that's not the point.  I see my impending failure, and even then you would assume I would just change my course of action and NOT fail.  I can't seem to do that, the closer I come to failure, the more I continue to do things that are congruent with failure.  I don't know why I do it.  I am so done trying to fail.  I just want to die now.  I get so disappointed when I wake up and yesterday's antics were for nye.  Nobody knows, and nobody can.  They'll make me feel worse, and my current level of pain in my body right now is so unbearable as it is, what they say or do will just bring me more pain.  I can't manage another ounce of pain.  I once again have failed.  Maybe that is what I am destined for, much like Sisyphus and his boulder.  I am here to continuously endure this crushing realism that I am going to fail!!!",2.9599100217188976,4.112354679180888,4.223203537077262,88.50544135898231,73.88054607508532,7.511573068569658,23.557089668011173,8.00094639256281,0.9909808873720136,1103,30,246,16,22,363,144,293,0.242,0.7070000000000001,0.05,-0.9971,1,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,0,2,2,6,21,15,0,0,8,0,31,7,2,2,0,45,55,19,3,10,10,0,1,3,0,6,5,2,0,0,20,11,0,0,11,0,0,6,6,9,0,0,2,4,42,6,30,46,7,29,0,6,1,0,10,10,0,7,16,172,62,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183343039560073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432461308828224,0.0,0.11846580915892065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564635868504065,0.09187085122561964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320623562583221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914154583282748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088466203167493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392621908723425,0.0,0.0,0.11683154019441325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572102357800205,0.0,0.06061252340768901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126831991084629,0.0,0.10592903571930412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930644639784577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066226219084608,0.15631365404006484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238145151388815,0.0,0.10714579881047197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680229497035858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233502133904923,0.0,0.0,0.11358040082537235,0.0,0.0,0.3404542485448805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016403410785659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107982557374818,0.0,0.16962715781331406,0.0,0.0,0.08498746276477212,0.19418309831975267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548850326529606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801886790993073,0.08572246151437564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085453883510609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240938942153055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31452918402786784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247283804809406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173740451584046,0.22728656500221284,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sundiesbloodmoon,2018/03/22,Can someone just talk to me I'm not here to say oh man i give up or anything because I don't know what I want anymore. ,-1.2876190476190459,0.34864071428571464,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,88.2857142857143,3.733333333333334,23.619047619047624,3.1291,-0.264466666666666,92,4,24,0,3,32,24,28,0.053,0.947,0.0,-0.0572,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191264379991962,0.0,0.0,0.3477810465134316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576258190887237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405416541550512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322614311788053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360851560239781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35808537420402503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33968672498216085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492727962923009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lookawaymods,2018/03/22,"Addiction has ruined my life It's been so long since I've felt like a normal person. I can't stop. I have no motivation, no confidence, destroyed relationships with family/friends, and have no where to go. I just want to stop having to fight my addiction and then feel shame when I fail. I'm broke, have accomplished nothing, nobody likes me(can't blame them either), and have no hope. I can keep suffering or I can let go now.",3.0519512195121936,5.4773855975609775,4.092865853658537,83.97515243902441,77.17073170731706,8.002439024390245,23.664634146341466,8.841846274778883,1.8744097560975608,337,11,65,8,8,109,60,82,0.234,0.483,0.28300000000000003,-0.0176,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,5,10,2,1,1,0,11,3,0,1,0,16,19,7,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,2,9,3,4,16,1,9,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,8,41,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815123903573762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166704910192356,0.0,0.21204807661745595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062610441702342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25102526163048444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935123643383952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629926008692009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22583136453221206,0.1559910050680224,0.2157897064599397,0.0,0.0,0.195442943225303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216383499532696,0.211908975747554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283537583500715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371073896934853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826871990039666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692765245634196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026148108033148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ODsurvivor,2018/03/22,"How should I kill myself? What are the most effective ways of suicide?
~ lost all hope ~",-0.375,1.8074115000000008,1.1722222222222245,97.345,100.66666666666666,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.08068888888888859,69,2,15,1,3,22,17,18,0.421,0.355,0.224,-0.7627,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343625991419665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838355376363582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773921153385205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478362787014945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471283871979913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cramphampster,2018/03/22,"I picked the day I don't feel sad, I feel happy that my pain will be over soon.",-1.8063157894736823,-0.3473039999999976,0.5360526315789471,108.13986842105264,89.0,3.8,9.5,3.1291,-2.3844947368421057,60,0,18,0,2,20,16,19,0.153,0.557,0.29,0.4504,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33509493696855364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254443506073699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531171313281421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528843067624251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sprytiger,2018/03/22,"Suicidal ideation So basically, 
I am 18 years old and I don't deserve to live. I've hated myself for as long as I can remember. I'm in college and I hardly do any work but it's not that I'm too busy partying, I'm actually just in bed too absorbed in YouTube videos, thereby numbing myself from reality. I had a job for 5 months but I quit because everyday I went in I fucked up and I couldn't deal with seeing the disappointment in my boss' face whenever I fucked up even though I genuinely tried my best not to. I've had an eating disorder (binge) for the last year and a half or so. I'm positive that I have aspergers and my doctor put me on a waiting list to be diagnosed. I feel like a useless human being. I'm on midterm, doing nothing, venting on the Internet. I have a group of fantastic friends, but can't get past the fact that I have a 5'5 (which a mix of that and this undiagnosed autism caused my first ""girlfriend"" to dump me i.e. Not being a man or even knowing what that means). 
It's funny, I frequent this thread and I'm always taken about much pain people have enjured and how difficult their lives are. As for me I've never really known any trauma I'm just a selfish bastard who needs to end because of that fact. I'll only ever be an economic and social burden to those around me. When I die I hope that people acknowledge the fact that it was for the best that I did. 
",2.75455913651566,4.249580618881122,4.607816965643051,84.1745348130131,74.97902097902099,7.910975980541201,26.77044694435999,8.587818076936951,1.9002494983277587,1091,41,226,21,23,372,163,286,0.203,0.672,0.125,-0.9773,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,5,14,18,5,0,17,0,20,8,1,3,5,39,40,22,2,3,10,0,2,1,2,0,4,0,1,2,18,11,1,1,6,1,0,2,7,13,0,2,6,3,30,5,31,29,3,27,0,2,1,2,9,11,3,3,15,151,48,6,0.0,0.0,0.1291995138151934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101641770748888,0.0,0.0,0.18006780200983585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178606155546206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141489062328065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27788311748624306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600728444557147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649458523819946,0.0,0.13437927391119453,0.13740626891409774,0.0,0.15173742268393778,0.13551303794338193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354742825072957,0.0,0.0,0.11726366422110565,0.0,0.0,0.17489277593937694,0.11975986949433055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694345584589599,0.09458381389758358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126160712225166,0.0,0.0,0.10228891314905794,0.2447961573033352,0.06917150775113652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186009174135954,0.13071375750076492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149921959116662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138271909285834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072761444567833,0.107920507693827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646820561776222,0.0,0.23381639744681976,0.1171663990892516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421818688899682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567731908665147,0.0,0.0973263811885548,0.09817004468449274,0.1021120489670127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270376469638532,0.0,0.13892745551013794,0.0,0.0,0.10069321452903823,0.14087880528111654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263870765586992,0.18357359743533688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309466769063946,0.0,0.14081956956156258,0.0,0.0,0.08481634405467238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997899379361251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550256549313826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496117032687413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481986547225986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300785147469295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988827412000057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273252877186933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638595149272644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705175197715228
suicidewatch,smolfoxy,2018/03/22,"I'm done bye Been getting help for years without much progress and today my doctor basically told me 'tough shit, get fucked'. Tried and failed, bye.

edit: ops wrong account but whatever",3.8186363636363647,6.983099878787883,3.360833333333337,85.66125000000002,80.51515151515152,5.724242424242425,26.431818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.5580363636363646,148,6,25,2,4,44,31,33,0.253,0.698,0.05,-0.6774,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,4,10,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31007100109346897,0.0,0.3100118731245289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800623124934762,0.31654634832259715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305369017606176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269509197003112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109626284002356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871508409996274,0.28947128812595346,0.0,0.20567576054635944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920224778629545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312163449890014,0.0,0.1950828453924186
suicidewatch,throwaway2331123,2018/03/22,"I feel like I've been cursed EDIT: Feeling better now, thanks guys! :)

---
No matter what I do I always get fucked over by someone somehow. No matter how hard I try It just ends up being pointless. 

Today I was informed by my govt that I wont get my sickness benefit even though I thought I worked long enough. I am on mental health sick leave for the last month. I have barely any money left. 

My ex was 5 years on sick leave and proud of how he is using system and don't have to do anything and getting paid. How is that fair? I just want to die. My ex abused me mentally for a year, tried to suffocate me and sent me thousand of thousand of life threats when I ran away. I reported him 4 months ago and nothing has been done so far. NOTHING. i supplied all they asked for, all the proofs and NOTHING. He is there sitting jobless on social benefit being proud of what he's done. How is that fair? It just rips me off of any motivation to do anything.. 

My team leader picked me up on the target and bully me. I got shit for going to the toilet or for tea in the morning. Accused of things I haven't done. but whats the point. I old HR. She told me to talk with him about that. like WHAT THE FUCK? How the fuck do you expect em to tell my abuser that what he does is bad? I'ts your fucking job!!! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? I am literally unable to comprehend how am I supposed to tell my abuser that his abuse works! 

My family is a mess. My mother and father are narcissists that cant see anything other than their own comfort. I was called ""psycho"" or ""fucked up"" for being diagnosed with depression. I have nowhere to go back. and the cheery on top is that I am sharing house with dirty french guy, I have to flush his shit in the toilet and he pisses all over seat CONSTANTLY! He doesn't see any problem with that. 

This is too much. I don't think I can deal with all this much longer.",1.1581623376623398,3.315903280519482,2.5076461038961035,94.22718344155848,82.42857142857143,5.200649350649352,20.01461038961039,6.385866456164764,0.04276753246753229,1453,40,317,13,40,468,201,385,0.212,0.685,0.103,-0.9957,2,0,0,0,4,1,52.0,0,2,2,8,20,24,10,0,12,0,41,16,3,10,5,47,67,23,1,3,6,4,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,21,15,1,0,6,1,2,4,8,14,0,2,14,5,50,10,47,49,8,39,0,1,2,6,33,19,9,3,16,215,71,7,0.0,0.3807401675695518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121303066815307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684600059755258,0.0,0.0,0.1638937364262286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832908740179614,0.0,0.07510333005961159,0.0,0.07547833119487546,0.06177343718181585,0.06707721742282803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105067739762116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203205407473126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681469301577205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282290458351872,0.0691932925542911,0.08153936481602371,0.08337610081447178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030258866251315,0.24663490820963396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115386486540545,0.08300857932803729,0.0,0.05306118066403676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573364582427326,0.0,0.08124060667080542,0.05739206562600337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456161116581511,0.12591675727735432,0.0,0.0913136180662578,0.0,0.0642520505430017,0.0,0.0,0.15909057179044706,0.0,0.0,0.07196529041296328,0.0,0.0,0.08539342794519476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269697593007364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972109947337122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548457505279305,0.0,0.1701284819182818,0.08728531605422665,0.0,0.056743703665652435,0.07849623862684545,0.0,0.0,0.07109484581552306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191961706769178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824688246909766,0.0,0.11811243015349927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23125372104630626,0.0,0.08429913444307838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594350167601831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768707173527759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803480665413522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492753119235368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189245099324619,0.06806844535260602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457104629824903,0.1404344372473504,0.07396260971836449,0.0,0.0,0.053371679099479284,0.05147607499677494,0.07892972747929711,0.06377782279912543,0.0,0.0,0.07614914938415275,0.07676450566953053,0.0,0.10908576245168844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938452379010931,0.0,0.0,0.047384263459602234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697115236831575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346752030645896
suicidewatch,sailsouth_,2018/03/22,"I don't see myself living past this week. I'm so lonely, miserable and broke. I've been working my ass off since I graduated school in 2015 to try and get work, but I've just been scraping by only barely.  My lease ends in July and I have to where to go as my sister doesn't want to live with me anymore. I can't live with my Dad in Germany, and I don't have any friends in this state. I won't even have all of my rent money by the 5th of next month. I can't live like this anymore. If my sister finds out that I'm short on rent, she's just gonna freak out on me and I will have another major anxiety attack; I'm afraid this time I will actually kill myself. Last time this happened I nearly did it, but I ended up calling the suicide hotline. The hotline is not help to me, so there's no point in calling again because they're just gonna refer me to a shrink which won't take my shitty insurance and is too expensive, anyways (a session is 200-300 bucks).


I can't take seeing all of my friends who have families and jobs and are happy. It fucking tears me up inside seeing another friend get married or another working their dream job. A few weeks ago, I saw on facebook that one of my high school classmates now has a doctorate. It made me feel like so much shit about myself because I've been working so hard and yet I've gotten nowhere. I'm a nobody with no one to love me. I've never been in love and the idea that Id make someone happy just makes me weep because it's impossible; that's never going to happen. The thought gives me a lump in my throat right now, just typing this up. 


Not really religious, but I really hope there's some sorta afterlife., because my life has been so horrible these past 10 years each year has been worse than the last. I can't go on anymore. I really hope there's some sorta afterlife where I can finally be happy and have someone who'll love me and I can support myself because that hasn't happened in my own life.


I've tried so hard to keep holding on and try and better myself and work, but it's been so pointless. I'm so scared all of the time and sad. Depression and anxiety has utterly ruined me. I don't want to live anymore. There's nothing or no one out there for me. I've been told that lie so many times in my life. It just ended up making me feel worse because it feels like everyone was in on some big joke and they thought it would be funny to get my hopes up. 


I cry myself to sleep every night. I just want to finally be okay. Hopefully I will when I'm dead.",3.503390151515152,4.1533701344696965,4.835303030303034,86.5187878787879,72.08712121212122,7.836363636363636,26.40909090909091,7.984000788550335,1.4086113636363633,1973,62,427,26,36,658,228,528,0.206,0.67,0.124,-0.9929,4,2,0,0,0,4,48.0,0,0,2,6,32,34,4,3,13,1,45,14,4,4,5,73,93,36,3,9,16,3,5,3,3,9,6,0,2,0,24,25,0,2,8,2,5,3,18,14,0,3,16,9,58,20,53,65,11,65,0,7,4,5,19,33,3,12,31,268,82,13,0.0,0.0,0.06147358441032068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584085923841818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283844768280711,0.19816580478008225,0.09638130204565323,0.0,0.2498946279652209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166538395230374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040532299540376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557135518335569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286489380285261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919654469177093,0.0,0.0,0.05425710538527578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644775814607736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673833952131776,0.0,0.0,0.04160729985347777,0.0,0.053075617263817015,0.060193982974467077,0.0,0.0,0.05938564636846316,0.0,0.09555579728142888,0.09000662457290784,0.0,0.13801487983467464,0.05757586873162345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600827706758254,0.05823743756820185,0.09873614214859212,0.060430103327140876,0.10740374714740727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711759223949627,0.20117657907248634,0.11286146971411827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042223912597653984,0.066557190628755,0.0,0.25027117012195005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111316844950326,0.0,0.0,0.12502472236489953,0.0559924419788311,0.06969412559347522,0.0,0.0,0.10269791647684934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348472067530912,0.09232785146442024,0.0,0.27812666666695085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056509668941766,0.05960695732079808,0.1261480347387959,0.06386657663514701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028164118652986,0.0,0.04630823547760201,0.0,0.0971705461750163,0.0,0.06699540842913584,0.05911610884784217,0.0,0.06044496053670586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280601927672119,0.04791018665713773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027083368623633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059550202362888674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210677470445688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379699335045266,0.0,0.0,0.06306852447978448,0.12750767611267533,0.15059547843093668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466299051902788,0.052109734830255536,0.0,0.06304003435663377,0.0,0.10675013940145828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890580282782255,0.07148545798686907,0.0,0.0,0.09472810930657752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000212571222987,0.14693049250703671,0.0,0.0,0.060193982974467077,0.0,0.12830747369184198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146743627414817,0.0,0.10106084115841904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293038785553237,0.0,0.12839363699131034,0.04474951413607574,0.0,0.0,0.0811328373890564
suicidewatch,devilsden_,2018/03/22,"Today is a dark day Lately it hasn’t been so bad. But today, I don’t feel okay. The voice of self doubt it reminding me that I have no friends, probably because I’m a piece of shit. Although I do have a “boyfriend”! But I’m actually sure he doesn’t even like me lol. He knows I have thoughts of just not wanting to live anymore, not wanting to exist. But no one really takes you serious unless you actually do it, right? I don’t speak about my depression to anyone, no one really understands what it’s like to truly hate yourself. Today my anxiety is keeping me hostage inside of my head. I’m reminded that I graduate in a month... I feel so sorry for my parents. Their hard work with raising me was for nothing. My moms sacrifices to put me through college was for nothing. Because I’m going to amount to nothing. For as long as I could remember I’ve suffered with depression, I don’t know what if feels like to truly be happy, to truly love life. I never planned my life farther than college, because I never planned on living that long. I’m one month away and everyone has job offers, internships, interviews... but me? Why would I put in that effort when I won’t be alive anyway? Lol. My thoughts are very scattered today. Today is a shit day.",1.9311740890688256,4.31848869635628,3.6890890688259113,85.5342004048583,81.06477732793522,6.714979757085023,26.90890688259109,7.882392219407189,1.8925497975708496,976,43,188,18,26,326,131,247,0.127,0.7509999999999999,0.121,0.2923,2,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,1,4,7,17,3,1,6,3,23,6,3,0,3,30,43,13,0,5,9,2,4,3,1,2,2,2,0,1,10,3,0,1,9,0,0,3,13,9,0,3,5,6,29,8,29,33,2,24,1,3,0,1,13,6,2,2,18,121,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.18834750536379866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073825115202514,0.0,0.09570580240388972,0.06747767550790076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066846284633144,0.0,0.08057661184949322,0.17648339618146155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705040285115923,0.0,0.0,0.12447388825158055,0.0,0.16623710079059162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373982587397657,0.0,0.0,0.09221348193622196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638560784804655,0.06894230817650616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455856856225154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054845312925828886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273005109807867,0.08644841713824511,0.0952774875655237,0.09904070304621723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957650948456688,0.08577697938961831,0.0,0.0,0.10607188964054808,0.0,0.10886044903041343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632692472463553,0.1414405932705249,0.0,0.17042918302019244,0.17080558842106627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709841463274491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302404187228575,0.15405676721025172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885930389825675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27779389240373764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618034376454954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715600930448503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040473795337646,0.0,0.0,0.19402587437451949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364556448428833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931995215711746,0.08241368703993689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067447238396678,0.0,0.1981194535904943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802806275009294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095365535309913,0.0,0.07255882037329066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322641784308608,0.0,0.0,0.4573714212023781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046382155544163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962571186765606,0.11384084048957925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707963667398633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025588943677696,0.0,0.0,0.06855350501049416,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CarsThatDrive,2018/03/22,"How much can I say to a councillor without being forced to do something serious? Like going to hospital, etc.",4.058499999999999,6.817819850000002,6.0100000000000025,69.785,75.5,10.0,35.0,10.125756701596842,4.8165,87,5,13,3,2,30,18,20,0.061,0.705,0.234,0.569,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5257300358973179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679046434615497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302997873453946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34652956655041456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748722267320017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629029035239608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544079610449868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAteMyCouch,2018/03/22,"Its Comming the end Well i write this after a failed suicide attempt. last time was injecting air into my veins, felt like i was drowning but i could breathe, any ways i blacked out and woke up the next morning not sure if i was alive or dead?

a little about me, im a survivor of neglect and child sex abuse. not much more i can say about this, its a problematic part of my life that is over but there is not really all that many people i can bring it up with and then for some parts of its effects theres even less.
because my father was one of the offenders but after reporting him to the police they were unable to do anything and left me unable to really communicate with my family any more which i miss horribly

Until recently i had become a significant member of the community until a scandal arose of which ive been ostracized without a chance being able to prove my innocence which has left me feeling betrayed and alone. i miss my community so much but no one wants to talk to me in fear of being attacked them selves.

its weird im alone and yet im surrounded by my friends at the same time completely unable to say whats on my mine.

therapy has just left me feeling im permanently afflicted and the best i can hope is just to live with it, its not something i want to live with im sad,alone, demoralized and hopeless.

i dont know what to do all i know is i must kill my self",5.151020577842445,5.214082173144881,6.16313032633548,80.52622115984204,68.25795053003534,9.627021409270423,30.427977551444613,9.478462496947786,2.49715148617751,1097,39,228,21,17,366,156,283,0.263,0.639,0.098,-0.9957,0,4,1,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,2,4,10,16,3,1,14,0,24,4,2,1,5,46,36,18,4,6,13,1,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,16,14,0,1,7,0,0,1,7,10,1,2,9,6,34,6,38,23,12,28,0,5,1,1,11,14,0,4,13,167,50,3,0.0982232142654286,0.11637844732567612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051888822224203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359030783605674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082933618020216,0.0,0.0,0.11174308619053708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987595974129131,0.10847982315014616,0.0,0.0,0.10307920348081606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029851713824474,0.0,0.0,0.07842324409525787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511687559075405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699661364459711,0.0,0.0,0.06487550665711922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925961047672391,0.11052842372766472,0.09932921681994238,0.0,0.0943096891517312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588701168825235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975578144971504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304896329742775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866943360477832,0.0,0.10796181960261883,0.08006502930409723,0.0,0.0,0.320159429089903,0.0,0.0693779610412192,0.047986901043894976,0.09844546485821784,0.17346579545815893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958292252205757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441072838594696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446150268935396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311718404603948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127323385342082,0.0,0.06809560931559397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584861241515755,0.0,0.0969835743502488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622208475003058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246823416589496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561702909359945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744025413359994,0.0,0.09257421702117337,0.0,0.0,0.07894809899732287,0.0,0.0,0.11232680575052227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454949225667325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586919329895845,0.07796501556960297,0.0,0.0,0.08831446575843598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946836734482982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BestGirlZoey,2018/03/22,"Suffering after losing my lover. Hi, the girl I loved just left me today. I've been deeply loving her for over 3 years now and she's now just gone. I don't know what to do, she was my only source of happiness and was my will to live. I've lost all motivation to work, to eat or do anything really.

I've never felt such pain in my life before and I just don't know how to cope with it, it feels like everything that mattered to me is just now suddenly gone and I have no reason to stay alive if it's going to be me suffering this much. I have nothing else in my life that's worth living for.

I've been crying non-stop since then and I'm just ready to give up on everything at this point. I can only hope she comes back but I just don't think that's going to happen.

I just wanna get drunk and hopefully die from it.

EDIT: Things got a lot worse than It was and I'm just ready to die, I have nothing to live for anymore.",0.4082500000000024,2.2609353249999984,2.4699999999999998,95.165,83.25,5.8000000000000025,16.5,6.961326702584282,-0.2687000000000004,715,13,170,9,20,240,113,200,0.139,0.7240000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.6545,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,14,12,0,0,2,0,17,8,0,3,2,35,38,12,2,4,11,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,12,9,2,0,7,1,1,5,5,5,0,0,10,2,21,7,27,26,3,24,0,4,0,3,10,8,0,5,11,109,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821835418972624,0.0,0.0,0.10639250917981544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994140254745443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001404974239297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136964195664008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201613133083446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268359806042265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229328059297452,0.10800302780741623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323903462760797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537159100737508,0.0923629400350052,0.12413617311481437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754732717235401,0.12402424902386405,0.1469540107650671,0.0,0.10340293953003436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143284154475977,0.1376288348958745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568231081673309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210594105998106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047113176216278,0.0,0.18263901958810647,0.06316329010102632,0.0,0.3424894124056879,0.0,0.0,0.14463952333951174,0.14113246296758578,0.10991551893282504,0.2333738414232456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504111051470517,0.0,0.09971440849069696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481094826946982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966577779480952,0.13757090254863755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221837661428075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282481512526757,0.13292897371425058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069478682531472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378031596622737,0.0,0.10809005040668224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589279968343293,0.08284214161496183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254933223902745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412276256463216,0.0,0.13175489971517218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083256842817888
suicidewatch,passivepurple,2018/03/22,"When it rains it pours.. I doubt anyone cares to read this, but here I go..

I’m a 23 year old girl. I’ve been severely agoraphobic for about two years now. 6 months ago I met a guy who helped me so much. I was able to go places again. He was my boyfriend and my only friend. Well he dumped me a month ago, and after begging and pleading him like an idiot and being relentlessly ignored like I don’t matter I found out yesterday he went back to his ex. 

This morning I woke up to find some anonymous person from my hometown is threatening to leak nude photos and videos of me to the public and to people in my town. I asked him to show me the photos/videos he has but he just got angry and wouldn’t show me. I’ve just been ignoring him, but I don’t know if he’s serious. No this person is definitely not my ex.

The past couple years have been absolute hell for me. I survived a verbally and physically abusive relationship of 2 years, the house I grew up with was taken away by the bank since my mom could no longer afford the mortgage, I ended up having an abortion because I got pregnant by a horrible man, I’m recovering from an eating disorder and my agoraphobia which developed within this two year time frame has made me miss important things like my grandfathers and grandmothers funeral last year, and my sisters wedding. I still can’t go more than 15 mins away from my house. All of this happened in less than two years. 

My chest is so heavy, I haven’t eaten a meal in three days, I live by myself so I feel so alone and in my thoughts. It hurts to breathe. I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror. I don’t want to hear my voice. I’ve never been in this much pain before in my life. I don’t know what to do anymore. ",2.6550276833414266,4.208455532394371,4.0089266634288485,88.1238028169014,75.36619718309859,7.2627489072365226,23.508984944147638,7.990435384864732,1.0881248178727532,1354,40,292,21,29,446,192,355,0.199,0.716,0.085,-0.9942,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,14,16,3,1,16,0,25,8,3,1,2,39,51,21,1,5,7,4,1,3,1,1,2,2,0,5,13,14,3,2,6,4,1,5,12,10,1,4,17,4,47,6,43,31,6,48,1,2,1,1,28,17,1,3,29,187,60,1,0.10050003689046197,0.11907610982754985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817443775631325,0.0,0.0,0.1040877289932314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966903142984204,0.0702719625360594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395396798483964,0.0,0.18884618583500198,0.07727832487170867,0.0,0.061263889680808085,0.0,0.08551812921630345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246648558617144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024110169460386,0.11120137927804412,0.0,0.06481420963373694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151817491913371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283662760065757,0.0,0.0,0.08901320269361812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081583834005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185521300620034,0.0,0.0,0.11019310311151656,0.07764607920045043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134946096732562,0.0,0.16075812070878764,0.0,0.0,0.0995108371148489,0.08887185071576673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327084569575036,0.0,0.0673630562778194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192709835669914,0.10758736808244264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104643839439441,0.08192094362696711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098614819492477,0.14729772471519972,0.0,0.08874337382030813,0.0,0.08439471940690935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509556489498784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770442855864705,0.16043634123937278,0.0,0.14775818159388374,0.0,0.07751182408067223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545788279065876,0.0,0.0,0.07643480676030287,0.10693912503090422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593865702815448,0.0696740714450882,0.17550551149123858,0.10500114820805982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052723362773834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789942853149737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353643548803947,0.0,0.08313466905451544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025945928191294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676775883878222,0.0,0.0,0.07978580332797024,0.05860237971071613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29452179844641263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855505124832805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036160273374584,0.09316454106424234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530311011402206
suicidewatch,Harold01100,2018/03/22,"I don't know anymore I am really not okay right now. I am considering killing myself right now via belt on doorknob.
I am having a really hard time overcoming a gambling addiction that has taken all of my money, and I feel like a complete outcast at school (under 18).
I was sexually abussed by a family member as a child and I really need this hell to end.

No one listens to me when I need it the most.

Please help",2.793214285714285,4.483012845238097,5.104285714285716,79.84071428571428,75.30952380952381,8.609523809523811,26.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.3356857142857144,325,12,64,8,7,114,64,84,0.187,0.72,0.094,-0.84,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,6,1,7,1,0,0,1,9,13,4,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,2,3,11,2,8,11,2,10,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,6,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039034188449396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868838965042084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312023606404277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530794746807845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787884042831095,0.0,0.11149735977062077,0.15753362884182254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975352032681177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478043689999802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439635652552321,0.0,0.12118748367406115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773089613033436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270133175102831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942445975526228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420556685924211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237963953905575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37663163677075145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231696502177648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285821670459401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nayseem,2018/03/22,"I don't like life I am tired if the ""life is worth it"" and ""life is beautiful"" BS. I don't know what life is, almost literally. Of course you experience may and will vary, and there is nothing wrong with it. I am actually, sincerly glad that for some (most) people, life is ""good"", or gives back something, at least hope. For me and people like me. I think we should legalize assisted death, this including for parents, who can't do it. Past a certain point, the hourly pain to deal with is not absurd anymore, it's a joke. like, why the literal hell would you accept to be waterboarded by life itself if you have the option to end it?

I feel so alone. For 28 years. for multiple reasons. I feel humiliated and insulted. I feel I hurt myself because of my own stupidity and my own stupidity itself triggered by my own chornic illnesses and ""luck"". I feel I was not even given a single chance to move forward and get out of what I always perceived as a trap. I am tired. of being alive. I hate life.",2.2074355531686365,4.400456709183679,4.086219119226637,84.13998388829216,78.84693877551021,7.391621911922664,24.091299677765843,8.371475516178862,1.6134224489795916,769,27,156,16,19,260,118,196,0.227,0.6579999999999999,0.115,-0.9774,1,1,1,0,0,2,38.0,1,3,0,0,4,19,5,0,8,0,21,11,0,2,1,37,32,13,1,5,5,1,4,3,0,4,11,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,9,1,1,2,5,8,0,0,2,4,24,11,20,24,7,10,1,1,0,0,9,4,1,10,9,109,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.12171230313696925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489273184331187,0.12917609981173087,0.0,0.0,0.10378007872500873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369235909601832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590479784183152,0.0,0.0760303871052615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285846195894352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104681451591701,0.0,0.0,0.08237880288020194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220036746613712,0.0,0.0,0.2522561254404304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516296595272095,0.11964630215244962,0.0,0.10461229075260453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313879524238963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387873920368282,0.1228276840367904,0.0,0.1335192604577123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854486318417125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6166720801019634,0.18280104459853092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325615149499023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967571812374345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271477072642773,0.0,0.13849086731702642,0.0,0.11906284877133007,0.17293536700883627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179041754500803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823669789582853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601836895102764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991788690220232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28670300523711745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254370601245547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860011144636831,0.13636574565382362,0.0,0.08031794951752799
suicidewatch,Not-a-Stranger,2018/03/22,"I'm planning to leave all my friends so I finally have nothing holding me back. I'm just so tired. Everything's been hell for over a year now. I want to end it.

My friends have been the only thing keeping me here. I only have a small handful at a time. They come and go within a matter of months. No matter how much they love and care about me, they always leave anyways. Today I'm done. I'm done being scared of them leaving me, I'm done living in fear all the god damn time. Today I shut them out and don't let them back in so I can finally fucking end this madness. I won't end it today, but as soon as everyone is out of my life. A month tops. This is just the beginning.

I guess I'm just posting here cause some stupid fucking part of me wants someone to tell me everything is gonna get better even though I know it's bullshit. I just wanna hear it I guess. Maybe I just wanna feel appreciated, i dunno. Deep down, I just want to feel loved. So I want someone to tell me I'm wrong, that all of this is wrong. Cause I don't fucking believe it when I say it to myself.",0.4120123726346421,2.4095960436681243,2.4046124454148483,94.81745724163031,84.19650655021834,5.039374090247453,20.458697234352254,6.21433560688645,0.014689810771470137,830,25,190,7,24,277,116,229,0.14800000000000002,0.706,0.145,-0.4065,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,6,3,22,17,7,2,8,0,18,8,1,3,3,36,47,13,0,6,7,0,3,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,11,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,11,0,0,5,5,33,6,25,38,6,34,1,0,0,5,14,12,5,4,19,127,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836122802175041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448296787667137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610308911058998,0.0,0.08329022354194014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601779164103134,0.19348754036102808,0.0,0.08112351045011358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891214748462634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502335598018257,0.0,0.0,0.0622017658491017,0.0,0.0,0.08998834453780727,0.1692770161905782,0.0,0.0,0.10597317056365603,0.09523552115381756,0.0,0.0,0.20632843922580998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551889843322635,0.2611900893371372,0.04920260320022507,0.0,0.05352188001388849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748898170922211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614218296646416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837071566179883,0.0,0.0,0.05175617247243591,0.0,0.0,0.29915350160262594,0.0,0.09630042106007654,0.06651865873791145,0.0,0.0,0.08315833931705044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699934105099549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946115466824278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033933384800774,0.0,0.06922953496637684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903635490719811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324881560344488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198245679970024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019371410208546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489182001643435,0.09428570481513687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958851448644204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646263779563909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625657523027804,0.0,0.09252655831927616,0.0,0.10982851714964116,0.10824042457819484,0.267800951674545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218765762549048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593137759800625,0.0,0.060645677221535764
suicidewatch,canidieplease,2018/03/22,"The process would be so easy... My girlfriend broke up with me. The only good thing in my life for the last 1.5 years is leaving me.  

I want her to be happy and live a wonderful life, I am just destroyed by the fact that she can't do that with me, and even more, that that now I will get back to being a loner.  

I've been struggling with depression and being suicidal for the last 5 years and, at this moment killing myself, as a process, would be the easiest it has ever been. I live alone, on the 7th floor. No need for guns, knives or whatever, just one jump from my window and the 20m fall combined with the landing on my head on the concrete downstairs would be enough. Now I started to physically hurt myself just to stop thinking about the facts that I will never be with her again. I haven't eaten anything in the last 40 hours, I have barely slept, my eyes are red from crying too much, my chest and stomach hurt when I breath as I keep getting the need to puke, most of my body started to change its color because of the beating I've given myself and I still can't take my mind off this break up.  

The problem is, as it has always been for me, that I am too weak to commit suicide. I care too much about my parents to put them through that kind of pain, and now, also about my girlfriend, as she probably still cares about me.  

Why am I always a good man if it's never bringing me anything but pain? 
Why can't I just get the strength to kill myself?",5.7455894648829435,4.876770755852847,5.86601797658863,86.29059887123745,67.19397993311037,8.411454849498329,30.058737458193974,6.9077264865688965,1.4761051839464887,1132,34,247,7,16,359,155,299,0.16399999999999998,0.767,0.069,-0.9792,1,1,0,1,0,6,34.0,0,0,1,2,23,19,3,1,20,0,29,13,7,0,6,39,47,18,4,8,7,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,14,13,1,2,2,0,0,4,7,12,0,1,6,3,40,7,42,29,5,37,0,4,3,0,9,11,0,4,21,184,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791386578338012,0.0,0.08332413969544715,0.17339599976840564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148605294644478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011898096760578,0.0,0.06351587485218785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573637230632387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246605492871892,0.0,0.11022374794783407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144525399597826,0.0,0.0,0.08974239320578258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076605591454563,0.0,0.06881934886071184,0.09424970464303807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331165530119915,0.0,0.0,0.17478646158262945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109167640177672,0.0,0.0,0.10693340624782854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261039177485608,0.0,0.2230842945952027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261267642154528,0.2305510984683009,0.1085023239083922,0.0,0.2547967700203139,0.0,0.11032671344432557,0.0,0.0,0.14719102324317945,0.0,0.0,0.1840109420051197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520653502602212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318959046513114,0.15451749831349482,0.16072212664012614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060475054659687,0.07924445616876025,0.22174015125889696,0.0,0.1156954335179292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233907234598337,0.09969986812335274,0.0,0.10474404466514478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749851591422758,0.0,0.1664193964181547,0.08711109574310516,0.0,0.10892649965496906,0.0,0.2279432936063972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834114235053033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692220594653763,0.06676349675694744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061456494497952666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803828886447596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299426779240612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204991207237929,0.0,0.0,0.1341954190730831
suicidewatch,galaxyperi,2018/03/22,"I feel doomed and like it's already over My brain is screaming at me not to do this but listening to it has never done me much good at this point so here i am i guess. im just so tired of living. my brain is constantly either in pieces or going lightspeed and everything gets overwhelming and i have no idea why but i just always think about what a complete piece of shit i am and how im a terrible person and worthless and unlikeable i am and how i deserve to die etc. and everything is just too much. ive been close to killing myself for years but can never do it

I am constantly battling crippling suicidal thoughts, depression, and generalized anixety+social anxiety along with trauma i dont really wanna get into, and i dont...really have anyone to fall back onto? my homelife is kind of shitty and mildly emotionally abusive and would get increasingly extremely shittier and more abusive if i ever came out...so thats not happening. but hiding it is making my life even harder. i have online friends but i dont feel like anyone really cares about me too much. i think im just kind of a last resort them. i know that if i died nobody would notice and my family Probably wouldnt give a shit anyways because im the family fuckup. i dont have anything to leave behind

it doesnt help i have a tough time really connecting with people and finding a place i belong. ive had this feeling all my life. its like im an alien and i dont belong anywhere and its so isolating and terrifying, i feel so alone constantly... im still young (17) and people say so much is ahead of me, so why do i feel like my life is already over? i dont think ill ever be happy or fall in love or go anywhere with whats left of my passions or anything like that. and i cant see myself holding a job or doing well in college if i ever possibly went. i think im just doomed and everything will be horrible forever

i dont know why i try anymore but my chest still aches when i think about life getting better but i think im lying to myself. i feel like im losing it and i just wanna swallow a bunch of pills or something or self harm but ive been told i need to reach out in whatever ways when im like this so i guess im here

edit: i think ive started calming down for the most part so i should be safe for now. thank you to anyone who took the time to read this",1.8568888888888893,3.7974182536082495,3.941168384879728,86.00277205040095,78.83505154639175,7.115234822451317,23.14891179839633,8.094773233980128,1.3260135166093927,1843,60,380,34,45,630,216,485,0.225,0.638,0.136,-0.996,1,1,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,1,3,35,35,4,1,12,0,46,15,5,3,6,97,84,52,4,10,27,0,6,7,1,5,7,3,0,2,19,30,1,2,18,1,0,8,14,15,1,0,9,10,59,20,43,67,14,46,2,6,1,2,12,16,2,13,28,265,78,4,0.0,0.11569427165349253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056578524180113,0.10775453657565963,0.0,0.04062455191660342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734937382927635,0.0,0.04841918338776946,0.10241429034394656,0.0,0.0803541496943532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037541785348809614,0.0,0.02976197788769688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317987473965916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900497399446296,0.0,0.05584037453045701,0.049778185716487136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118986662908346,0.15828058396985142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04205107980320134,0.0,0.10134089417057753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499627628850535,0.4005404079442351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054919174888948624,0.0,0.0,0.05445042316091455,0.032247055461405674,0.13248928549134706,0.0,0.0,0.13163658430569314,0.0,0.09205174278547608,0.0,0.1481179074558723,0.1046372376260031,0.0,0.0,0.04462323291262759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03772044028334188,0.0,0.10203177048653564,0.04683536063121637,0.05549434199001883,0.040950320032565934,0.0,0.0,0.10756782559903004,0.0,0.043173916472201035,0.051972869550390384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03272495105736317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055115095069927685,0.5801080391494572,0.0,0.048449180436432135,0.0,0.05401528917428934,0.10168304451258173,0.053663562164379335,0.03979716804577692,0.0,0.05169638635370514,0.05304620802896464,0.0,0.1379401917780587,0.16696677026252704,0.0,0.04311150243774059,0.0,0.0,0.054620320545781406,0.0,0.0,0.04406456040240523,0.0,0.032589655235937036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356175411764888,0.036201551019887014,0.07531043837873366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555851788208353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287042732015678,0.0,0.06769528296353435,0.04263026049591074,0.051009524002359086,0.0,0.046153407817774834,0.05504046771026822,0.0,0.0,0.052639328276061215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488360977392747,0.05557113247207058,0.09383157203860992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03882591821483549,0.0,0.0,0.03890551868142455,0.0,0.05093291752839537,0.0,0.10023198087405563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037586242584518495,0.0,0.0,0.034557089698624664,0.0,0.0779800389714757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053404312541943284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449495534741264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898613585450813,0.0,0.038759917575769916,0.05693803440179295,0.05611472482962564,0.0,0.04665235942385487,0.054244022298602326,0.0331475344857291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03875333404963012,0.0,0.0,0.043897637523023184,0.04525930406178602,0.13216518094685709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936475422816338,0.0,0.0,0.031440337587869516
suicidewatch,slothyninja,2018/03/22,"[Serious] I need to tell someone So the thing is, no one knows all the truth. Well maybe besides my best friend but it still hauts me. A bit more that 2 years ago I had a bf. We've been together for about two years at the time and we weren't talking as much anymore. As a bit depressed and anxious person I kinda need someone and I felt as he stopped trying. Then I started talking to my schoolmate and we became really good friends. His name is - was - Nik. Soon everyone noticed that he liked me more than just as a friend and even if he never said anything, well, at some small party we went for a walk and we kissed. Nothing more. All I can say in my defence, I was 16 and drunk. Next day i told him that i'm sorry but there couldn't be anything more than just a friendship between us and I told my bf about that, well we argued but we stayed together (until last November). For sake of this relationship i then stopped hanging out with Nik. Everything seemed fine. Until the last day of summer vacation I got news that Nik killed himself. He stepped on a railway, in front of upcoming train. I couldn't cry, as we weren't even spending time together for last few months or so and I was hiding my feelings. I was shocked as this is kind of stuff that one reads about, not that happens to known ones. And I am being torn by guilt. He often said that i'm his only friend. But he never complaint about anything. He was a sunshine in our group, he always smiled and if someone was in a bad mood he did everything to make that someone smile. It broke me when we went to that funreal and saw his parents and brothers. He wasn't there for our prom. From time to time I go to the grave, bring candle and flowers and talk to him, but.. It's been a year and a half since that happened and I still just want to know why. Why he did that. Why didn't he reach out for help. He had people around that would help him. Even I would. He had two brothers who loved him, caring parents. He was a great tennis player, he just got his driving license, he never had problems at school, he was ambitious. Just. Why. Why. ",1.3879507337526211,3.663180740566041,2.3615534591194987,94.91342557651993,82.39622641509433,5.089643605870021,22.39392033542977,6.31551763322596,0.32244744234800793,1630,55,350,14,45,513,204,424,0.115,0.6940000000000001,0.191,0.9911,3,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,11,0,0,2,25,30,3,1,17,0,31,3,0,1,6,72,58,38,2,10,14,4,2,1,6,2,0,3,0,1,21,29,1,3,6,2,1,9,11,11,3,6,30,7,46,18,48,22,12,52,0,3,2,2,66,12,0,7,31,231,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688590746023179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278423159504691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524216619449958,0.07483064009423132,0.0,0.0,0.18627800084010668,0.06717054835244463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300139897345393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918489688689724,0.0,0.16475365590931404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693094429252936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288328202581377,0.09732388736030312,0.0,0.06498889485860285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495110594083686,0.0,0.0,0.0721000577319738,0.13562737155264867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815208852097509,0.0,0.07244820253490812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331839980392311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288256061098959,0.06328769809188016,0.12069579587970668,0.08318890968357899,0.0,0.0,0.13344842184206496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011511910501756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347928199070108,0.0785743043895358,0.08293569667082464,0.1845165913860965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686328262897131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810067889777363,0.0,0.05036649920806998,0.0,0.07580423901506962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022710332933059,0.0,0.05546777744907155,0.11189718808460528,0.17458560580808935,0.0,0.08024677180054346,0.0,0.0,0.07240067742571497,0.08590550727805309,0.0,0.0,0.15338987113712282,0.05738658671904996,0.0,0.0,0.16756670055089842,0.0,0.0,0.05231068557014288,0.06588400417134298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219981566602171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754749708244247,0.0,0.048338117975989116,0.0,0.0,0.08100995050300261,0.0,0.0,0.1435491152676101,0.060004488076440834,0.0,0.07636403469839588,0.0,0.0686909900394463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241678493435055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25572958735779805,0.0,0.0,0.08446519313024113,0.05340712009189004,0.08042451261912831,0.12051620499412655,0.12616676779022118,0.0,0.0,0.08637740941169092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194253158978935,0.06595060402447284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012865139639958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599262366204105,0.0,0.0,0.1442001154639476,0.0,0.05122868767215249,0.0,0.14741626617132245,0.0,0.09076253528268298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450504958283635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035281112548952,0.13989425084019005,0.3404299837531408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720149733429077,0.0,0.0,0.14577077235920186
suicidewatch,OrdoOrdo,2018/03/22,"I hate my life Sorry if this will be a long ranting post , but i feel the need to get this out.

I hate when people say , that killing yourself isnt the way out , or it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem , id want any solution that works . I have tried anti depressants for years but even my psychiatrist gave up on me when they werent working for 2 years.

Im going to a shitty school because i couldnt get into any better schools , because my family isnt rich enough ( yay for eastern europe ) . Every day i get bullied , and even the teachers think im a retarded freak . Even though i try so hard to study , and every day i take extra classes at school , still somehow others manage better . I have no friends at school or anywhere except an online friend , she is the nicest person ever but sadly she lives too far away that i could ever meet her .

My parents hate me and when i was younger used to beat me but now they are divorced and its probably my fault and the only reason my dad tolerates me is because i take care of my sick grandma when he is at work . Having to manage school and being a caretaker is quite rough .

My english is bad and will probably never get better. All the english i know is self thought thats why its so basic .

When i was around 10 years old , i got raped but never told anyone about it , i held it as a secret because i thought nobody would belive me , i still have nightmares about it . Im 19 now. The only thing that helps me cope is that im a major drug user , been ever since i was 15. Its like its so difficult for people to understand that when you are in constant suffering a small blissful moment is worth so much , its the only time when i feel even remotely alive or like normal people do every day . I consider myself a good person , i have never stolen to get a fix even though i have been tempted . I wish i could be high all the time though .

I had once a relationship but it ended , and il probably never find love again and will be forever alone . My heart hurts every day.

I really dont know how much of this life i can take , its been shit so far and it dosent seem like it will get any better. Just people sometimes there are quite valid reasons why you want to kill yourself.

I honestly dont see it ever getting better. I feel like im too weak to even kill myself , i have tried several times in the past but fucked it up , but because i didnt go to the hospital , nobody knows about them. I wish ii could run away or move to another country but sadly because i dont have any money i cant.

I honestly feel like im in hell.",4.495481725653477,4.789275410305343,5.57791811242193,83.35352648623642,69.70610687022901,8.336247975942634,27.32916955817719,8.199878495009871,1.6603340966921123,2001,60,411,26,33,665,240,524,0.222,0.623,0.154,-0.995,2,1,1,0,1,2,47.0,0,2,3,11,40,40,10,0,24,1,49,10,2,4,10,72,90,41,3,13,16,2,6,5,2,5,5,1,0,3,27,14,0,1,16,0,3,4,13,21,0,0,14,8,61,19,38,63,7,61,1,5,1,3,25,19,3,7,41,270,88,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054102578814796166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420939079948341,0.054775859761612235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652586552085104,0.0,0.0,0.04650269308534678,0.0,0.0,0.09815821472746547,0.0,0.04361635854210478,0.191061969668246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100032612409835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053259891112251184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056450474882251474,0.0,0.1251228335157744,0.0,0.0,0.13475616843387953,0.0,0.04499231740238563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836668429821944,0.0,0.06057923236850168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046267161949532634,0.053975583620591065,0.0,0.2070153386883696,0.1890082256512602,0.17605030724025644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049245123409786984,0.0,0.10565195053920187,0.07463735104085756,0.0,0.0,0.047744378221000534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071754778847076,0.04829297945705063,0.19104456276980453,0.0,0.0593758605138454,0.043814565648661714,0.04177931913727926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679478412845238,0.15472195826790452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061902012605708524,0.035013878165343286,0.05519207530360975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592161648118338,0.0,0.33855455378948546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173380068703462,0.0,0.08612554183419315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379416795085346,0.12760368645636191,0.0,0.04612691066318062,0.04622878534210335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047146629696550084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552048576198432,0.07680154752664363,0.038733646830667455,0.16115596379957084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051181926481421634,0.0,0.0,0.05481475550008562,0.055631523465482835,0.0,0.119187541037001,0.0,0.0,0.058003865073099736,0.0,0.049866865224708234,0.1448603779971316,0.09122401708373626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500293467490437,0.0,0.16896346372522514,0.04998449396480811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112260347388384,0.0,0.0,0.03346485505472128,0.10741826181422168,0.0,0.05608381883878369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415415738177538,0.0,0.2643370759536932,0.041626741891318465,0.04755530669144418,0.054495389949359575,0.059013814680711485,0.05362132338171298,0.043211625695632194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166449328487177,0.05847591018493142,0.0,0.0,0.08343430610759095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782891283782093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470445526866495,0.03347185571587999,0.15397004045352808,0.08294191360701196,0.09138079669044767,0.0,0.0,0.04991543077113703,0.0,0.1063980568157664,0.0,0.0,0.054381364032244736,0.0,0.04511666379697919,0.0,0.0,0.06162238398410984,0.04146391279657216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942729302637634,0.0,0.12014172204079113,0.0,0.0,0.1140891628364568,0.0,0.0,0.0371082152156103,0.0,0.0,0.1009182395276249
suicidewatch,Americanadian-Guy,2018/03/22,"Not happy Blah... I don't think I'll stick around much longer. My problems are nothing compared to what I've read here. I have more than most but happiness eludes me. I lost all interest in everything, this world is so fucked.",2.0240909090909085,4.623675045454547,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,82.63636363636364,6.247272727272727,22.43636363636364,7.554174236665415,0.9345418181818176,178,6,37,3,5,54,40,44,0.263,0.5710000000000001,0.166,-0.6604,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,4,6,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573351448367124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597990500181262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26724217542343703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6154445076401203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155559634317845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125009977398505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773721410440798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766026253665895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891499775577328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852255056022479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrVenture,2018/03/22,"Suicidal since 14. Now 24. Why am I still alive? I was going to make this a long detailed post about my life but.... Whats the point. I am miserable. I have been since 14. I am turning 25 this year and not only am I a highschool dropout but everyone I have ever come into contact with since I was 12 has moved on to become more successful than I in every respect. If they dont have a kickass career they have children (which I have always wanted) and a loving spouse. If they dont have that they have a longterm girlfriend/SO. 

There are ZERO aspects about my life I am proud of. There is literally only ONE reason I am still alive and thats because of my niece. She calls me her ""bestest uncle"" and is literally the only reason I havnt killed myself these last few years.. Yet everyday I want to die. I want this all to end. I understand that I am pathetic and that I was given lots of opportunity to have a wonderful life and I shut every single one of those chances down out of fear. 


I am not worth the air that I breathe. I want to die.... But I cant leave my niece alone. Although I know she wouldnt be alone and she likely wouldnt remember me. Atleast not fully. She is 4. 


This revision turned out longer than I thought it would. I dont even know where I am going with this. I guess the jist of it is that I will die a lone. This is something I have known since the first time I tried committing suicide. However I am now realising not only will I die alone but no one I knew through out my life will come to my funeral except my family.... Iv pushed away anyone and everyone that has tried to get close to me. I feel like its an accident but its not. Something deep inside of me is pushing me into this lifestyle of loneliness. 

I dont think I can fight it anymore. If I hit 25 without anything looking up (social, academic, love life) then I am ready to die and I will do so deep in the forest alone in a tree hanging. I will make sure this time that the knots are good and will hold. That my neck will snap on impact of drop. That I will leave myself with nothing to cut myself down if I fail. If I cant make any improvment this year.... Im ready. ",1.1945924253824955,3.292930345372462,2.8728096313017315,91.99999949836972,81.88939051918736,6.014527213443693,21.58259342864309,7.213258583274324,0.6038127815400047,1665,52,365,23,45,549,203,443,0.172,0.6829999999999999,0.145,-0.9639,1,4,2,0,1,4,59.0,0,0,4,6,15,17,3,2,16,0,54,10,2,5,4,67,82,23,9,12,17,1,1,2,0,11,6,0,0,1,28,21,0,1,12,0,1,8,15,7,0,5,7,2,69,10,44,62,5,48,0,3,1,2,17,21,0,8,19,260,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995295939832063,0.0,0.0,0.06016051903051828,0.0,0.0,0.04916740049822253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170351588423393,0.050554788279120064,0.0,0.05949785442301105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679295027323941,0.0,0.0,0.044074234733081925,0.0798511658097999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382776689943155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456243010642624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751869562053566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389465968277078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640375400631953,0.0,0.0,0.04775436287264472,0.06540071463437955,0.12183401929140418,0.13817408559725272,0.0,0.0,0.06815928253198347,0.0813591249826967,0.03655773733641129,0.0516521022264471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061499495351549624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03777447368941908,0.0,0.08218105209456182,0.060642945987008326,0.0,0.0,0.0796480935015194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809787002395542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999073661119352,0.0,0.07946986737141269,0.058935253993538064,0.0,0.1531133902190808,0.0,0.0,0.25534292506084194,0.07064557962361234,0.0,0.0,0.06398442369659335,0.0607149283656722,0.0,0.0,0.0614680262239331,0.13050959085541908,0.0,0.1447851470247215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684489779574752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937509978916045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697980730501808,0.21995375301719894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834815003115642,0.0,0.06924471183843031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867566875941715,0.0,0.0,0.08190334054022813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392337109155923,0.0,0.0,0.07370212596705975,0.0,0.11132223030710828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547991047814266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817189405986912,0.0,0.0681431711299776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632778867511257,0.0,0.05739919947241074,0.08431900268638742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981757476777702,0.1572862240599222,0.0,0.07526826006109195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705808490037241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524072683802845,0.0,0.0,0.06969592582702161,0.07840773497593856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136080793404536,0.0,0.0,0.13967910575337766
suicidewatch,ljustwanttodisappear,2018/03/22,"I wish I could just disappear I have many issues with myself, i also have issues in the family, i am not really mature for my age, i live in a hopeless country, i have no real future, i have no real qualifications, i have no real dream or goal in life, i have no happiness. I wish i could just die, but i dont want to leave my family in pain. I wish the world comes to an end so i can die and not have to worry about people hurting over me. I wish people in my family stop being hurt. I can only type away my feelings, nothing will really change. It never gets better. I will probably be a very poor man in future, one that disappoints family, and one that will never really be happy. I wish I could just end myself. I am not scared of dying, but I am scared of hurting family with my death. I dont know how long I can get through this. I wish I just get killed. This is hopeless. Im 20",2.3506569900687566,3.333938828877006,4.952975553857907,83.34274064171123,75.14973262032086,8.123605805958746,20.309014514896873,8.634040054169528,1.0521110771581357,679,13,146,13,14,243,92,187,0.314,0.542,0.14300000000000002,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,1,2,5,0,25,2,0,1,2,34,38,8,5,10,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,1,1,2,11,10,0,2,0,1,34,3,18,29,0,20,0,6,0,0,1,9,0,1,9,110,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343480713017917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452684302959754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701550047243042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839135239534718,0.0683299914066636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999957973439732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697515748368515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593261249613574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051378279898433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738946956731309,0.0,0.04010823931276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432943675154348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688822364968289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547516707608801,0.0,0.08568276619292284,0.1655858138698585,0.0,0.0,0.0877594687352453,0.0,0.04359400623396461,0.0,0.0,0.08399191175843293,0.0,0.0,0.05602838628068657,0.0,0.0,0.0700439191967748,0.07019861635026002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042136676098942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122358024244032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076112837046926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750302972867072,0.060328937227250024,0.08440557430017759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099855644499572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552392396125844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708618136077404,0.15244959415344356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588329046423928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631782311296258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545002245751509,0.04678693220984504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473072193519166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055665242444415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AverageRiven,2018/03/22,"Suicide and 'selfishness' People call it 'selfish' to kill yourself, but isn't it more selfish to say that I need to be alive just so a few people don't get heartbroken over a minimal loss? 


I don't want to deal with pain or the possibility of living through an attempt, and that is the only reason I'm still here. If assisted suicide were legal where I live, I wouldn't be posting this.


I don't want help, i'm dead on the inside and want to die on the outside. I just want to hear people attempt to answer the above question.",7.449719626168225,5.511738644859816,7.9746915887850465,76.00371962616823,64.42056074766356,10.429158878504673,36.35327102803738,8.841846274778883,3.0101828037383176,413,16,83,5,5,138,66,107,0.302,0.593,0.105,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,1,0,8,0,9,1,0,1,0,18,18,7,5,7,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,2,6,0,13,14,2,6,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,3,1,55,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798724067487228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816065116178324,0.0,0.0,0.18281950986087528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203292719713066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853778381897552,0.0,0.11807197008658825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488773555155894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31109351499375065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061557958072031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339726656723595,0.1874397313515653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663679470931615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198586590569595,0.16870634852015468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973322215746135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811151243485476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008432422131653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406764033451383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853666507793524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155995656395314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NegativeSuggestion,2018/03/22,"I think I'm going to do it I guess I can't talk methods which makes sense. Suffice it to say it's probably going to be painful, as painful as you'd expect a body reacting to dying would be. That's scary but there's going to be pain either way so I guess it's okay. The big thing is that you can't back out once it happens. No matter how excruciatingly painful it is or how loudly your deep reptilian self-preservation instinct is screaming, once you do it you can only ride through it and let it happen. It's freeing in a pathetic way to know there's nothing you can do anymore.





Anyway I guess I'm here to hang out lol I'm eating a whole pizza first, gotta say goodbye to that good shit",2.788212951432129,3.918776239726032,4.376774595267747,87.32345579078456,74.27397260273973,6.952926525529268,26.28642590286426,7.348242739294969,1.1844054794520549,545,19,118,6,11,183,86,146,0.223,0.68,0.097,-0.9691,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,1,8,9,1,0,4,2,16,8,2,4,0,18,31,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,15,3,2,0,2,0,1,5,3,6,0,1,0,4,11,4,14,24,2,14,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,4,2,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271190849081346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985617076838961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237792790028975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302952290176348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115907527240356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902895729719753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185411693601233,0.10751042964821964,0.0,0.0,0.42361072406563455,0.0,0.2266964607764428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044380385987496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310716702706769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556045065622407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299116845046767,0.0,0.0,0.27301281668379423,0.0,0.09748587450996966,0.5455657999194697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819859758977346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038661063182928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371860933835078,0.0,0.13157385973653202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302539214969847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515640498550857,0.08213190147754873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348498329992898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310723051980742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105465505010027,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jon6767,2018/03/22,"I never thought I'd be posting here. I don't know where to start. I've been staring at this for awhile now, not knowing how to convey anything of value. It makes me want to cry, but I guess this really is my only outlet left. 

Have you ever felt so isolated in your own home? My family used to be together in one roof, and everything screamed of a hopeful future. My parents were middle class workers, raising me to be someone who was well off and had the future ahead of them. During the past two years, everything seems to have fallen apart. My mother moved overseas. My father stopped paying for my college tuition and kicked me out of the house just to spite the fact that my mother left to escape the mental abuse she's been enduring for the sake of her kids. I'm living with my grandparents now. People I can't talk to properly. I'm isolated here, sometimes not talking to a single person in weeks. Talking with my mum online makes me depressed, because I know how much she wants me to be happy. I'm unable to see my little brother. Just a few weeks ago, my dad was on an overseas business trip, and my grandma thought it would be nice if I could look after my brother for that week. When my dad found out, he threatened to call the guards on me to kick me out or call the police if I didn't leave. He was overseas, and he was manipulating things so that his eldest son couldn't see his little brother. I haven't talked to any of them since then. Not my grandmother, no one. 

I had a lover. It seems that whenever I go outside, I pass a landmark where we made memories together. She doesn't respond to me anymore. Today's her birthday, and she won't respond to me. Just two years ago, I took her to TGIF and got the waiters to sing for her and give her a free sundae. Afterwards we saw a movie together. It wasn't good. It was an exorcist movie about satan hacking into the vatican website. We loved it though. We laughed with the scent of alcohol on our breaths. Things were so much better in the past. The future just seems so miserable to me now. 

I've tried hanging myself, ending up breaking the support which I was trying to suspend myself from. I remember being on the floor with the belt still tight around my neck. I've taken so many drugs and gone through trip after trip cutting myself and watching the blood drip down my arm and onto the bed. I've tried overdosing. I've tried reaching out to friends. Anything I do to make me happy just makes me feel empty, like I'm a spectator to whatever was happening around me, like watching TV late at night with the sound turned all the way down. 

These days have been so lonely. I've been thinking about calling the suicide hotline just to hear a human voice. I've been so desperate for an actual human interaction, but at the same time I find myself shaking at the thought of another human listening and judging. 

It's been two days since I've left my room. I've barely eaten anything save for the biscuits I stashed. There's not much left, and I don't think I can step out the door. Whenever I visit the house I used to live in, I see how much better it's gotten without me. I used to share a room with my brother and now it's so much more spacious. It's like getting a glimpse of how things would be if I died. I'm such a waste of space. I lost my job, and I haven't been too productive in writing the book I've always wanted to write. 

My one dream was to publish one book before I died. I don't think I'll even get to do that. 

The good days are behind me, and I feel like the universe is just waiting for me to kill myself. 

I'm out of prescription medication, I've nothing to hang myself from anymore, but I do have a knife. 

I know it's one of the most painful ways to go, but my bed's been stained enough and exsanguination seems to be on my mind more than anything these days. 

I'm to write a suicide note shortly after posting, maybe you guys will be the last people I ever talk to. I just wish I made just one more happy memory before this, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. 

Sorry for the rambling. Sorry for posting. I guess I just needed to get this out of my system. You can kindly scroll past me and talk to the people who deserve support. 

I may have broken one of the rules in this sub, but I hope whatever I talked about wasn't too explicit. If it was, I'm sorry. 
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suicidewatch,y3344,2018/03/22,"Happy To Do It I wouldn’t call myself depressed, but a part of me wants to commit suicide. Not for any good reason, not that there is one, but I kind of just want to end my life out of the blue. It sounds morbidly appealing to go through with some plans I had years ago, orvto just make up a decision at a random point in the day. ",4.477857142857143,3.9279515000000025,5.395,87.55250000000002,69.71428571428571,8.714285714285714,26.07142857142857,8.07648339933343,1.235857142857142,255,6,59,3,4,84,56,70,0.153,0.759,0.08800000000000001,-0.7851,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,2,1,17,8,2,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,6,3,14,6,2,10,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,2,4,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882395649846515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554284125858136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635879837855365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647779639408025,0.0,0.22233407028005248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22863384307474066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670589899114558,0.21651409130801968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479293481526224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688112323245138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823306585511986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230926605308922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749211382644646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795385364311441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440240551596935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654090825992652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823613147040845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045132200907927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662325500225987
suicidewatch,sjrjjk34,2018/03/22,"Dark World I am a mistake, I should never be born, everybody treat me like a nobody, like a disaster ready to happen and a bomb , deserted me, discredited me. I don't know how long I can last now!!!!!! I wish it would end; one way or another. ",1.9970408163265283,3.383360489795919,4.599744897959184,83.90329081632655,76.75510204081633,8.981632653061224,24.494897959183675,9.516144504307137,2.066465306122449,180,6,40,5,4,64,39,49,0.222,0.529,0.248,-0.4344,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,9,9,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,8,3,1,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35185446484024513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971985757645477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967266277250695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844100458549287,0.2735188380427525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278665237215377,0.0,0.0,0.2969520624149046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587976055751961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273780314593148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663447531579389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385867072626701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23836579220643345,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,persianmemeboy,2018/03/22,"help with options i'm 16, i live in a low income housing neighborhood, i have a depressed mother and an autistic sister, my father died when i was 10, older brother died when i was 7-8, i'm failing my classes in high school, im a social reject, im good looking according to others but can't find a partner for the love of god, i have adhd, anxiety as well as depression, idrk if it's worth it to continue my life anymore, if i kill myself my mother will be so hurt, same with my sister, i barely have any friends i can call friends im always the one reaching out to hang, chill, all i wanna do is be high and not think ab my trash life. my future seems dim and hopeless, i have no self confidence and i think im the worst human being on the planet, i cant even encourage myself to do simple homework anymore. i grew up an academic prodigy, all my teachers expected great things and now looking back im an absolute failure. i really wanna die but im too much of a pussy to do it, someone help me pls",1.9310101010101024,3.5668174784688977,4.2952711323763975,84.94828681552369,77.56459330143541,6.749707602339183,26.443646996278574,7.594959193182576,1.5521672514619884,779,31,157,11,18,272,128,209,0.234,0.598,0.16899999999999998,-0.9593,1,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,0,1,8,16,1,0,12,0,17,3,0,0,2,24,25,14,4,5,5,6,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,3,5,8,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,9,1,1,2,2,25,7,19,19,5,17,0,7,2,1,17,8,0,4,7,103,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237131663567572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565383521360538,0.0,0.0,0.07000232857066511,0.0,0.07874836669882603,0.0,0.20417646764878314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791540520248115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051126466675682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732312555282564,0.0,0.32050456584131903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799050929313412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408475560402198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906146523642148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634069296848675,0.0,0.11349106265400095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799623296743768,0.21752227632675955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877825793821345,0.11019876717757217,0.0,0.6671533621083344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388720514253607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541829876851,0.0,0.0,0.090897384743928,0.0,0.17288635646913367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290683631946736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567231052426424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975440813736518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594562179809846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418017833666464,0.0,0.09371217249973172,0.10738825461708827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493376477141968,0.08722022782754013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838836977223135,0.13191883450925207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255489188858916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leo2256,2018/03/22,I feel like I have to do it but I'm too scared to. I'm just in so much emotional pain every day. I can't sleep well. I'm alone and lonely. Severely depressed and anxious. I'm too overwhelmed by my life circumstances. I've fucked up my life so much. ,-1.1338888888888867,0.9398044074074079,1.2462037037037028,98.15041666666669,97.51851851851852,4.9222222222222225,17.86111111111111,6.6274283507984215,-0.015844444444444772,194,6,46,3,8,65,37,54,0.468,0.458,0.07400000000000001,-0.9853,0,3,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,9,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,5,2,5,9,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532946862946991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762878591753249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772363424014973,0.0,0.21064273037927891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510173348520245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060558309852265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365897455580938,0.1747166663023378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260956011668826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454857611404264,0.11948168253366873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595655570190385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602334817881741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448513628413992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762878591753249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474075544193155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198925275718019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nocontinuesleft,2018/03/22,"Been thinking about ending it since I was 16... 12 years of this shit I have no purpose. I have no passion. I exist and that existence inconveniences the people around me more often than not. I wish I hadn't been born. My parents lost their first baby to a heart defect, their relationship was crumbling, and I was a last-ditch effort to stay together. My mother moved several states away to test my love for her (I refused to leave my friends and my school behind). That was years ago. She rarely talks to me now and only when she has problems. My dad decided his girlfriend was more important so he kicked me out two weeks before I was supposed to leave for college. He stopped helping me with rent afterward. Jobs didn't pay enough. My grandmother stepped in but suddenly stopped because I didn't have time to visit between school and work so I didn't deserve the money. I was nearly homeless and am now in debt. I met someone and we moved in together, but he treated me poorly so I broke up with him. We're stuck living together. He spent 3 days crying on me, telling me he loved me and would get therapy to resolve his issues (he was abused as a child). He promised he'd treat me better. It got worse. Tonight he waited until I was leaving for work to start an argument. He had his friends on PS4 chat so they could listen to me break down and finally yell at him about how he was making me feel. He said he doesn't care about me anymore and that he'd like it if I never spoke to him again.

 

I was late to work for the first time ever. I'm angry that my perfect record is fucked now. My boss is already upset because I've missed the deadline for a mural I was painting while also doing my other job at the desk. I haven't heard my dad's voice in a year. When I was about to be homeless, he told me to live in my car. I can't because I live in Texas, have no AC, and sleep during the day (I work nights). I wanted to take my life at work so I called my mom instead. She happened to be awake, which is rare. I thought it was fate. I'm not supposed to die. But then I told her how I was feeling and she said... that there was nothing she could do. She said she needed to go to sleep because she has work in the morning. Does she not realize that she may not have a daughter in the morning? I don't want to do that to her but I'm so tired of everything. I've waited 6 years for things to get better. I've worked hard to make opportunities for myself but nothing ever comes of it. I'm passed over for promotions because I'm too crucial where I'm at. I'm stressed at work, I'm stressed driving my old car with its check-engine light on, I'm stressed at home where I can't cook because his dishes have sat there for 5 months. There's mold everywhere. He's so loud I can hear him through my earplugs when I'm trying to sleep at 2pm.

 

What's the point of all this? Try to make some money, it's still not enough. Get things done at work and someone's been there longer than you. The company sets us up for failure half the time. I don't want to work anywhere else... or anywhere at all. I don't enjoy anything. I don't enjoy anyone's company. I don't trust men anymore when they say they love me because it's never enough or they're lying. So I'll be poor and miserable... I'll be alone... That's it. That's my life. That's all I'll ever get. Debt. Betrayal. Abuse. Depression.

 

What's the fucking point. Why do I owe it to anyone to keep living like this. Why don't I get to decide if my existence is worth continuing. Fuck. I can't check myself into the hospital because then everyone will suddenly be interested and I'll fall for it and then I'll be hurt all over again when they stop caring. And it'll go on my medical record, I'll miss work and maybe lose my job because I'm unstable and I live in an at-will state.",1.5483144026943132,3.517639627352576,3.0092787096348133,92.1657611602721,79.95357590966124,6.001512249884435,23.159364062603178,7.0608816371341465,0.7045606022584687,3001,101,656,36,76,980,331,797,0.18,0.732,0.08800000000000001,-0.9973,8,1,0,0,2,0,107.0,2,1,6,22,39,40,4,5,21,0,68,18,5,6,10,84,131,50,1,11,14,6,3,2,3,4,4,11,2,2,31,27,2,7,8,2,12,12,25,18,0,4,39,15,107,22,90,78,10,103,0,8,0,7,79,36,4,7,52,404,138,22,0.0,0.12500925334030302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046763060744305036,0.0,0.0,0.054637027117261365,0.058215130139275775,0.04218719482444643,0.0,0.1714761608761063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463518852135917,0.07377336713563082,0.0,0.043411882509495014,0.046962066481661235,0.0,0.0,0.04956393167694791,0.0,0.0,0.2894240416961348,0.0,0.04488959832443335,0.0,0.0,0.09331289826862668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053867528058910284,0.0,0.10757202997379596,0.0,0.0,0.04544272758503027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842392334161136,0.0,0.05794757220517593,0.0680436736125279,0.0,0.04543677066480764,0.0,0.05475011568007971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616520590770494,0.05398545315869661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406903070516914,0.0,0.04672420866903295,0.16352633223141597,0.0,0.0,0.14315649701714128,0.0,0.05040851664295423,0.047411713882164926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334781273885639,0.0,0.0,0.057789209347324476,0.0,0.08974471071219489,0.0,0.0,0.08151491008320308,0.1463101141925574,0.13780841591397355,0.0,0.05996240053752273,0.0,0.042192033035215744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466500111442945,0.0,0.0472570429244201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945736666304136,0.06251350703501385,0.03535976015762778,0.0,0.0529163627118792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647403401199624,0.0,0.0,0.05506126136362791,0.1570500194542302,0.046890001357225285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043001387980222926,0.05950858422746045,0.1675759715526094,0.0,0.0,0.0745231381525914,0.05154568399443515,0.0,0.2329128596038797,0.0,0.0,0.05901800833395043,0.05758700445977316,0.0,0.14283709251841095,0.0,0.1056407134796825,0.0,0.052998282722637284,0.0,0.0,0.05314390354882649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061784613010422665,0.0421075798832148,0.11213788150562076,0.0,0.039116274281159234,0.08137396550326262,0.0,0.0,0.04950586768759223,0.0,0.10123738781298763,0.0,0.05535623898698834,0.0,0.0,0.040121642099971926,0.0,0.0,0.0585768519418192,0.0,0.0,0.036572842617815564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973878512655586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050478262072249376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056637838673526876,0.0,0.0,0.15054283298111135,0.04195193916622697,0.0,0.10677932404234823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059596778261543165,0.054151017638162297,0.04363848852741788,0.0,0.1583756945799738,0.0,0.08939624714547703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733941118344503,0.05622853171537715,0.04212925284869812,0.13231361695125374,0.18128789909311716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039664292331026606,0.04240150618556261,0.046109146443945766,0.0,0.06032856787339196,0.0,0.07009456129973846,0.03380250495404199,0.0,0.041880624567054055,0.0922834950966791,0.06063273273682693,0.0,0.10081703328590846,0.0,0.07163273473977311,0.0,0.05153279720221279,0.0,0.06345632603182932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933466741842993,0.0,0.04231591632377955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520419839647777,0.0,0.06066426655490573,0.0,0.0,0.42245934188100825,0.0,0.053760629113637694,0.03747478596073848,0.0,0.0,0.13588687047179265
suicidewatch,Sprinxy,2018/03/22,"I Hate Everything I'll just give a semi quick rundown here but if anybody cares I can talk more about things in pms. I basically just hate everybody, everything, and even myself. I do not like who I am today and I have nothing going for me in life. My friends are gone with just about everything else I've ever cared for and loved all because of me and things I did. I just don't care about anything anymore and I don't know how to fix it. All of this has begun this year too and I don't know what to do.",1.9018276220145367,3.416538289719629,3.3831152647975067,91.98273104880579,77.3177570093458,6.6247144340602295,23.10384215991693,7.3871296695380915,0.7211399792315683,395,12,90,5,9,130,68,107,0.119,0.73,0.151,0.6901,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,13,8,2,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,3,20,22,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,14,6,12,20,3,9,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,6,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069764767776985,0.0,0.0,0.14164080612559615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049232816460702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264660789147781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437848965174124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368420792464147,0.15569317636470814,0.0,0.0,0.4640734047363989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298015322089607,0.0,0.0,0.16511401738981202,0.0978202540226514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398674394985662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918625194705727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157405706414047,0.08408956040630318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534580057675113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515461195151904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834423134608273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22869890899901596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315045431584269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084019376088712
suicidewatch,trickslope,2018/03/22,"The thoughts are starting to scare me Every time I sink below eye level, I think more about doing it, and it scares me, tonight I was thinking about the letter I would write. Just don’t see any way out, I’m a bad person, and I’m just going to burn out alone anyway. And the thought of all that scares me it seems more and more like the door is closing 

Edit: sexual abuse, bullying, confusion, alienation from my family. It’s all resurfacing at the same time as my first good relationship ends due to my emotional inadequacies.  I feel broken and my thoughts of ending it are strong, I’ve never felt this hopeless and alone before.",5.421065573770491,6.260405491803278,5.736188524590165,81.0988729508197,67.85245901639344,8.722950819672132,27.54508196721311,8.841846274778883,1.9652098360655728,498,15,96,8,8,159,82,122,0.262,0.662,0.076,-0.976,0,2,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,4,6,0,7,1,1,0,3,26,20,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,5,4,12,3,13,14,6,17,0,1,2,0,4,6,0,2,10,62,19,1,0.0,0.18721878307527645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327306257878326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745380883853788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319337026943293,0.0,0.0,0.13445686213580274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774261323848106,0.2799040632090997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313221043120388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895997025566599,0.0,0.07989578622238185,0.0,0.1517166248642606,0.0,0.0,0.13440521463832245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980205351956944,0.13253325291682533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719684721218663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186885681220748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797027939516845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964611737350335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474593749756667,0.0,0.1259153760743496,0.14384849868908556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184194666744983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024958528522447,0.0,0.3763324405049541,0.18427653087835671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254228396477814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224743186773292,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chistudent,2018/03/22,"I'm in such despair mentally, having terrible physical symptoms. A lot of things go wrong in my life.  I honestly don't have the energy to type everything out, so I will make it short.  I'd like any of you to tell me if you can relate.  Lately each time I fuck something else up, I get this terrible feeling in my body.  My face gets red and very warm and starts to feel really heavy, meanwhile my body feels tight.  My body feels cold, shivering and it's almost like I become paralyzed for some time.  I can't bring myself to move or make any actions for some time, until this feeling goes away.  I just sit there hating myself.  Wondering if any of you experience similar issues physically.",3.2703884711779487,5.446955631578952,4.7024248120300784,81.08917606516293,75.39097744360902,8.643859649122808,25.369047619047624,9.2995712137729,2.3600130325814543,541,19,102,14,12,180,92,133,0.14400000000000002,0.762,0.094,-0.841,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,0,4,10,2,0,2,0,6,7,4,2,0,22,22,8,0,2,4,0,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,0,9,18,4,16,21,4,18,0,1,1,1,4,7,1,8,8,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432883506467427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919272539436365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444187946673775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580364992714742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768367903126459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195369922002352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286040010829501,0.13997376033860714,0.0,0.0,0.3617640876837053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228844761044256,0.1495218140688824,0.0,0.0813238332074375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127607435991754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493533546084342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141669228523775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107179170426434,0.13981737122427446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165372393805887,0.0,0.0,0.1910332182817426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442054778934548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208667915307672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916699233401972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101610439272326,0.0,0.0,0.1012829379719781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487298496593236,0.0,0.0,0.12507079440217728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506554708931833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503184494204962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806784874590764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517975004795873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645124012471484,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mind0Matter,2018/03/22,How do I carry-on So I was dating a girl for about seven months in a relation that started off with us drinking heavily together but then when she would drink she would act crazy and I didn’t like it so I asked to stop and she did but the problem is I didn’t. She wanted me to stop to but I couldn’t so I hid it from her for a while while also using other drug. A few nights ago I got drunk and she wanted her charger back and (we weren’t broken up yet) and I was also on Xanax and drove to her house mad because she didn’t want to see me (because she knew I was drunk) so I went into her house to give the charger back she wanted me to put in the mailbox. After going in I  accidentally fell down the stairs and broke a picture frame while her family was there. I apologized to them and they are understanding but I will never get here back. She was my first girlfriend and now she’s moved on. I’m only 21 but I feel like I won’t meet anyone else. I was so hammered and bared out that on my way home from here house I was going about 80mph on 30mph roads spun  out and got in a bad car accident and totaled my car. I didn’t hit anyone fortunately instead it was a tree. I got a little fucked up because of it and had to go to the hospital  the day after and stayed the night. I have an addiction to alcohol and Xanax and it lost my car and my girlfriend. I feel so hopeless right now. All I want to do is get more fucked up. I missed a week of college because of the crash and I feel so lonely right now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to carry-on and I am starting to have suicidal thoughts,0.6735234870191888,2.3937922922636155,2.768929408700185,94.04731093166626,81.6647564469914,5.720274377007903,19.744812017018322,6.714681859716394,0.04859617956064932,1246,32,294,13,33,421,160,349,0.219,0.748,0.034,-0.9973,1,2,4,0,0,1,20.0,2,0,2,2,25,12,3,0,18,0,31,11,0,3,3,54,66,40,1,9,5,0,3,2,2,4,5,0,2,1,9,24,5,2,8,4,0,12,10,10,0,2,23,4,55,2,43,37,4,62,0,5,1,2,26,21,2,0,29,214,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928265715965853,0.0,0.0,0.08886180306334687,0.10713221304296346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603329695968008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401883092634132,0.1027136106317905,0.0,0.0,0.0937162379208124,0.0,0.0,0.2312483666778445,0.08370100849155775,0.2444354989757303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465021138505639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640532920486486,0.11625323645469375,0.0,0.08374245537792853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450276525747492,0.0,0.15206177976827212,0.07161557913216755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526897814591088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535114891423748,0.10474852689714634,0.09616485158343724,0.17091589845580546,0.0,0.24052703591739324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055465419261067,0.0,0.0,0.34701038598051465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018487786633002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795001325777906,0.1004725704126026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943007082648327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001519600087474,0.1065453606296177,0.0,0.0,0.07731569728265836,0.0,0.0,0.18814767874109584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762414051201724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592163797341913,0.0,0.10077466020126354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121863430135587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988287864879133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190890631506434,0.10684862436942807,0.0,0.16761986041947013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965257276333464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795839227204723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043593542604292,0.12058328640626173,0.08658013611879757,0.0,0.0,0.2956376837457043,0.0795704050747107,0.08041108864472052,0.0,0.0,0.09292880847319474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242339987507194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway04812,2018/03/22,i hate my body previous eating disorder ruined my body. i wish i could go back to before it started. all I have now is smaller boobs and a bigger waist. i feel so ugly and unfeminine. especially because of my boobs. i tried to self harm for the first time. i tried to cut into them but just couldn't do it. i wish this wasn't the thing that broke me. i wish i could look at myself without crying and wishing i was dead.,1.0522988505747115,3.1709880229885066,3.0995402298850583,90.05781609195402,82.5632183908046,5.705747126436782,20.011494252873558,6.937597516519254,0.3416114942528732,326,9,70,4,9,110,60,87,0.252,0.621,0.127,-0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,2,0,3,0,8,6,5,0,1,16,17,5,1,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,2,17,0,8,12,1,9,0,2,1,2,2,3,2,0,5,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861691544909395,0.0,0.09403585849479808,0.0,0.13126444859480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426976060465569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463291483362747,0.0,0.1694480769898049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767960657505061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784715289089898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799881803679777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312140273654939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766988051544397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230045203639292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954009177681122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609274976112162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918647978148144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248391923677336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995062368136987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094657064872024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7095685233078701,0.14870175871288374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jamesdean7478,2018/03/22,"I want to kill myself for being an introvert. Introverts are weak, ugly, depressed and basically everything bad. I feel like cutting myself until I bleed, every time I think about being an introvert. Why was I given a genetically inferior trait? I have every negative trait imaginable. I am genetic garbage. i will never be like the super strong, super healthy, good-looking athletes. I am an inferior specimen. Nature pissed in my genetics. i am weak, emotional, hyper-sensitive, risk averse, asexual. A f-cking wimp. I want to cut myself until I bleed out. I want to burn myself. i want to stick a knife in my neck and bust my carotid artery. I have nothing but pure, white hot hatred for myself. I want to die!",2.8492692307692318,5.795814292307693,5.006442307692312,73.64043269230773,83.0,8.173076923076923,26.586538461538463,8.841846274778883,3.020807692307692,558,24,89,16,16,192,81,130,0.28300000000000003,0.575,0.142,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,0,3,1,17,4,1,7,0,11,6,2,0,2,14,19,5,2,5,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,12,0,0,2,3,24,5,13,13,0,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,6,60,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201987823228565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744656407928633,0.0,0.21381845074430825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174717347856197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34716507093308546,0.0,0.1851594116924459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417098236899228,0.14718225531407586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280159324643068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279329690600959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130401839965145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730067064630849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588969723506808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768379619560847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201066611042345,0.0,0.0,0.12013316444322543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075859690978566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590293328727264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaerynx,2018/03/22,Please I'm so lonely and I just want someone to talk to I'm alone and drinking and I keep thinking about hurting myself and I just want to talk to someone so I don't do something stupid ,-0.551916666666667,1.6635489750000012,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,96.75,2.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.4308333333333332,149,6,32,0,6,48,22,40,0.182,0.632,0.18600000000000005,-0.2064,0,3,2,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,8,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,8,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869870249884893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27144777196132674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966361067819009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629491575988266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041672827259409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695636707750314,0.2133213968347426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454371973463839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755139409578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268758170074788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,assistmaster23,2018/03/22,What's worse than being suicidal? I'll tell you what's worse. Wanting nothing more than to be done with my miserable pathetic life but not having the guts to pull the trigger. As if I didn't hate myself enough already. ,3.223139534883721,5.513257767441863,3.9699418604651164,85.7470058139535,75.97674418604652,7.090697674418602,27.02906976744186,8.07648339933343,1.87426046511628,176,7,33,3,4,56,36,43,0.239,0.677,0.085,-0.6489,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,5,2,1,1,0,6,7,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31607484143025416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931101159759037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959514671761978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28278335920449016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230899611588748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27483053995798634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133002127763664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503462779502056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893967353078368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5837789001460827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yokogami,2018/03/22,"I want nothing more then my own death I'm tired of living 

im still a teen, 16yr but ig that doesnt matter 
My life is just shit but I feel like I dont have the right to say that when kids are dying everyday....

Ive been going through this mental torment for 12 years.. Ever since my real dad was sent to jail and shipped to his homeland. My mother got a bf off of FB and he ruined my siblings childhood and even made my mom send away my eldest sister a few years in, due to him being abusive.

 And now I'm not even close with her although I'm living just with my sister and mom now..


But now that hes gone I still have trauma from the verbal and physical abuse. 

Whenever I get in arguments my mom always pulls the ""you didnt have a hard life you don't know what it means to have a hard life""

And it hurts because I feel as if deep down she doesnt care about our lives seeing how she can so easily send us away to our family that doeant want us either

the toxicity still remains in my sister and mother. A civil conversation can turn into a loud argument just like that. Ive been trying to push myself out of the thought of killing myself but my mother doesnt care that i try to be positive she. Her mother was shitty to her so thats why I imagine she doesnt know how to truly raise teenagers (my sister 18 and works at a job that makes her more depressed)

I feel as if I can't even explain my problems because I'm too ashamed and I just want to go away 

All I ever have in my mindset are bi polar emotions just like my moms ex. Ive been traumatized by loud noises and arguments to where when I hear things like that I want to kill any living thing... Its a bad issue but when my toxic mother bashes me for my mental problems but doesnt want to take the responsibility of what she has made me into
 

It hurts because I truly dont want to harm anything. Thats why I try to be happy. But when I see my mom thinking shes the victim here it makes me pissed.. Sure she's been through shit too but she hasmt made a single bit of mental help as I have for her..

And she talks shit to her friends about her own children who just want their mom to better herself but when we see no progress in the person we love the most. I lose hope for my future and for everything in my life.. My dog is the only thing that lingers in my mind when I want to just die

I dont know what to do. I'm so alone and have no one to talk to besides toxic people... I live in the middle of nowhere so no luck with ""friends"" 

Video games are slowly not making me as happy because of my surroundings

I feel as if i have a broken childhood full of violence and toxicness and it has spread onto my teen years..
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suicidewatch,ninakarenina,2018/03/22,"My friend committed suicide, I’m feeling guilty and slipping into a dark place One of my best friends from a few years back killed himself a couple days ago. He called me and I didn’t answer because it was the middle of the night. He texted me a long message about how he couldn’t do it anymore, things were too hard, and not to beat myself up or blame myself because he would have done this either way. I have a voicemail from him saying “this is important. I know you never answer the phone, but please pick up.” I found out earlier tonight through his sisters that he did end up killing himself. It’s easy for people to say I can’t blame myself, but he called me right before and I ignored the call and brushed it off. I have a history of depression and suicidal thoughts, and while my life has been in an upswing lately, this has knocked me down to a lower point than I’ve been in a long time. He and I hadn’t been as close in the past year or two, but a few years ago we talked every single day and I considered him my best friend in the entire world. I’m feeling guilty and responsible and alone, and I’m starting to feel like a waste of life since I couldn’t even be there when someone I care for needed me. I’m at such a loss. ",5.023674540682414,4.906464779527563,5.229748031496065,87.7279816272966,68.5275590551181,8.033175853018374,29.13805774278215,7.3011,1.4322375853018374,970,31,211,8,15,306,148,254,0.175,0.682,0.142,-0.9062,1,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,1,0,4,8,12,2,0,18,0,21,2,0,2,2,40,34,21,4,4,7,1,4,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,9,16,0,1,8,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,11,7,30,7,28,19,6,39,0,2,0,0,26,18,0,2,21,141,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028877416171106,0.0,0.0,0.11852499455827405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349341101119292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799704944554436,0.0,0.13952273262698753,0.0,0.09737973820771197,0.0,0.24019476612645896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505671230801425,0.0,0.11667888005603608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662532847325186,0.0,0.1476082515862567,0.0,0.09856672809510304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711152453679108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013595883676326,0.0,0.0,0.07558632887448714,0.0,0.09642036555717404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359242115237125,0.08175572976146461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547720152008635,0.2652474370529254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251547441327494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532210990032754,0.0,0.06289305488973856,0.0,0.1290929428973639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166425975272095,0.05590944673683383,0.0,0.0,0.20255102995607774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485557214458382,0.08826293566229107,0.0,0.0,0.1073938866710546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754728841909876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924562301603842,0.07933806433051185,0.0,0.11956510762937393,0.12562040228593307,0.10818248711631624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773086083849844,0.0,0.18201405251111075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466568530793013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696436890414477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100099402972076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035686969574017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198227932717612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760286378574887,0.0,0.0,0.09085232233177208,0.0667306973021403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179093794499748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908368907035246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129466474331208,0.0,0.0,0.2210862042600289
suicidewatch,Programmatically_Fly,2018/03/22,"Trying to make something of hope, but I feel it slipping between my fingers. 22 years old, 10 years or so of loneliness, everyone who I should have loved i'm not close with or I hate (parents). Had feelings of suicide first time when I was ~12, got really close to handing myself when I was ~15. I have been drifting through life ever since, with the idea that when I start to feel tired I would cut the little contract I had with people and kill myself soon after.  But last year something changed, I made some good friends. One in particular I started to get close with, and I started to wake up in the morning and have something to look forward too. He got a GF and she became a close friend too, things where going well. So well in fact that after spending thanksgiving with them and having a great time, something I've never had, I started to feel like things could get better. So for about 2 weeks my head started spinning as hope and love clashed with the sadness, pain and despair. After that I decided to try and live and get help. Took me two months to bring up the courage to talk, I've never before talked to anyone about any sort of feelings. It was hard, but they where supportive and even gave me a key to their place if I ever was feeling down and wanted a safe place to be at. I've been trying to improve my life since, I keep getting set back and fucked over and I feel like I'm on a treadmill never making progress. But I've they have been their when I fell and push me to keep going. However these last few months I feels like we hang out less and less. Plans seems to fall through, today we where going to see if there would be time to hang out.  All I asked was ""keep me posted"" as to how things developed. I would have been fine if today he said he was too tired or he had to get some stuff done. I can understand, we all got things to take care of. But nothing hurts so much more, the feeling of being forgotten stabs the deepest. Its feels like things are fading between us, and that hope and feeling of being loved is being lost. To have what I needed so much being taking away is something I don't think I want make it past. I'm not going to kill myself tonight or next week, but I don't know about a month or two down the road if I can continue if things keep slipping out of grasp. I don't know what to do, I know friend ships can fade away. I don't want to say anything because I don't want this friendship to just exist because of my suicidal thoughts. 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suicidewatch,Tessmeric,2018/03/22,"Existence is worthless I don't feel emotions, and I don't see the reason to life. Why struggle now when it won't matter in a hundred years. It's a waste. I'd make the world a better place if I wasn't here. I'm tired of pretending I'm a good kid everyday. I don't enjoy faking every little fucking thing. I want to die, I don't know how yet. I wish I could find someone who actually likes me. Maybe that would make life less of a waste but I probably won't find anyone.",0.6167647058823533,2.454416754901964,3.0801568627450986,91.14670588235296,82.43137254901961,6.04078431372549,20.9843137254902,7.1686216300943375,0.5168125490196074,367,11,83,5,10,127,68,102,0.14400000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.152,-0.0835,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,7,0,10,4,0,4,0,16,20,5,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,2,10,4,5,15,1,9,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,1,6,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1833613700502009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138266955044775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618053579528672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002128541516585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950084870877621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135999035444575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831219199444782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950068883181443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434707858254829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370869851092885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759995055636386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326384185836368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654358670050572,0.09179748505367943,0.1883231859598172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25084678457936793,0.0,0.18876882365659206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963134464952244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258585346903407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931904664595138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497304005362129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592053887979819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643181519279607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483110019359962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596114149046916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082712478467327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954874398973374,0.0,0.2160734583701554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334773675519416,0.0,0.0,0.12100016911670385
suicidewatch,caffeinelover99,2018/03/22,"Struggling to understand if im the problem Hi. I've never posted here before and I'm not sure what to say or do. But I'll start with this!

I'm 22 years old (Turned 22, yesterday), I have a wonderful girlfriend, she is beautiful, caring and perfect in my view. However she has a mean streak. I have a history with suicide thanks to university.

Me and my girlfriend are a very new couple and I really really care for her. But we have argued a lot recently. And when we argue she can really hurt me. I don't think she means it but when she is angry or upset she really tears my life apart. And tonight it's just got me feeling the exact same way I did when I was at university wanting to just end it in the easiest way possible. 

I'm not sure if I'm just too much of a pussy and I need to grow a thick skin or not. But god I hate feeling this way, and I'm scared right now. I'm very drunk and I'm just scared I'm gonna do something I regret to myself. 

Please help",0.1277268889826928,2.2173574417475734,2.7962473617560164,90.96743140565641,86.23300970873787,6.495230054875475,19.63613338961587,7.7425588080867325,0.7339867454622202,747,22,169,15,23,260,114,206,0.198,0.662,0.14,-0.919,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,2,0,0,1,10,16,3,4,10,0,13,3,1,0,5,47,38,21,1,6,16,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,6,13,1,0,7,1,0,1,5,10,0,0,3,6,25,6,13,34,3,24,0,2,1,0,16,6,0,7,13,102,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986192153589006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632696739904893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285622612284862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435191087084982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305623894174504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325995321351687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746802725810655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653878272398713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821344197825225,0.0,0.13945945867641674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911932325296836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976352697542284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812742610872276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490968699452293,0.0957324016310925,0.09957652270100274,0.12469390429182255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547777238185524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172248799649334,0.0,0.14555056378407685,0.1236503636556267,0.0,0.0,0.1235395074593722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33084113753919603,0.0,0.12747918091780627,0.0,0.0,0.11025805124031236,0.0,0.10267235219277583,0.25852049234214164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939411902346797,0.0,0.0,0.09138374177429792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497235623219825,0.0,0.14122386895216685,0.0,0.24336668222490904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886586582877215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272758691530069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043309797006034,0.0,0.13440662082609772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130562564176013,0.0761516058482964,0.3074412257429292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001278488688965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314171466646883
suicidewatch,poop_on_you,2018/03/22,"Not sure how to help This was posted in r/self, but I am out of my depth...if anyone could chime in, I would appreciate it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/868mbu/decided_to_kill_myself_hope_you_girls_are_happy/?utm_source=reddit-android",21.231428571428573,26.60469071428573,12.20571428571429,32.48928571428573,34.714285714285715,8.457142857142857,21.142857142857142,8.841846274778883,0.9715142857142858,212,2,24,2,2,53,26,28,0.053,0.753,0.194,0.6019,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243600432924082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27815883327693525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335165986569058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336586376035067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7268876668481671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32835081607765915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474842734774449,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shitscoolwithme523,2018/03/22,I don't want your pity I don't want your pity. I don't want your fucking sympathy. I just want eternal darkness. I want to forget. I want to numb the pain. I want to seize to exist. My mind is my own enemy and I'm ready to fucking take it down even if i go down with it. I'm trapped inside my thoughts. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. Just cold and dark. I don't want your pity. I don't want your fucking sympathy. I just want eternal darkness,-1.5645666666666678,0.3993810100000026,0.8160000000000025,101.08633333333334,98.9,3.8666666666666663,17.666666666666668,5.6839178017228535,-0.5653333333333332,351,11,86,3,15,117,46,100,0.318,0.55,0.133,-0.8798,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,0,5,8,3,0,3,0,6,5,0,0,0,20,24,3,0,11,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,1,2,19,0,10,23,1,7,0,3,0,3,5,3,3,1,3,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868408191003106,0.0,0.0,0.09596287329901113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029556252602604,0.0,0.0,0.08257182606290639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670178602479886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545991235955221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924022447087672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534426961417785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8569598365199356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DunkMasterGeneral,2018/03/22,"I've set the date, now all i have to do is wait for it. I've decide that I can't live anymore. My life is just a never ending series of me fucking myself over and everything good i have ruined. This is the fourth time in my life I've been suicidal and its going to be the last. I deal with terrible anxiety and depression daily. I feel like all of my ""friends"" are fake and are just being nice to the kid with mental health problems. So this is it, only a few more days and it will be over. Im just gonna take a bunch of pills and be done with it.",1.8001666666666658,2.6576260166666685,3.77,91.78166666666668,76.33333333333334,7.0,20.833333333333336,7.3871296695380915,0.3810833333333337,422,9,101,5,9,144,76,120,0.174,0.7609999999999999,0.065,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,7,0,17,5,0,0,3,19,23,7,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,1,10,4,13,15,5,12,0,2,0,1,3,3,1,0,8,72,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751834278272232,0.0,0.21716833586254028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122334535088182,0.22575774330634735,0.18860629988218405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240915544557185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939504058728132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680421375795332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107223667116434,0.15643864803546895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918263942478792,0.20244256556559792,0.0,0.0,0.12445081738825114,0.18366920365611047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327644470215381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653490708731895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849711936129747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093427005686296,0.10698208291260272,0.0,0.19336247713964752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206793370146076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889011164032985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654340418462046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953333818910932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395274945001729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646449627590823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768842133596206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kambc55,2018/03/22,"I've set a date    I have a package of chemicals coming on Tuesday.  It may get here earlier.  I'm planning on offing myself ""Keith Moon style"".  Antidepressant withdrawal is more than I can handle.  I can't stableize at any dose and feel total terror every minute of the day.  I can't get off of this drug and even minute reductions send me into horrendous withdrawal.  I will be glad to be dead.",1.880116959064328,4.524308999999999,3.850701754385966,82.49546783625729,84.0,7.061988304093567,22.91812865497076,8.167268648758528,1.7869111111111111,308,11,56,7,9,104,59,76,0.152,0.779,0.069,-0.8519,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,9,2,0,0,1,7,14,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,11,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910571543791062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686872407524716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760269421319768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963483441749736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826923698640868,0.0,0.3606115292062998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641150217122704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472284769502183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anroad,2018/03/22,"a new night where i want to kill myself I feel so alone. and yet I am surrounded with people all the time.
I tried to commit suicide 3 times now, I was in high school back then. it's been 5 years since, but some days i wish i had. i would have been free from my thoughts. But now I can't do it, my parents are getting old. My pets help me through some days, but because of my situation, they are back home, overseas. 
it's a new night where i gonna wish i was dead. thinking again and again while insomnia becomes my best friend. ",2.006666666666668,3.3596810180180188,2.8272072072072088,96.75990990990992,76.65765765765767,6.014414414414415,23.144144144144143,6.42735559955562,0.22524144144144165,407,12,98,3,9,128,77,111,0.11,0.659,0.23,0.9392,1,1,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,1,10,4,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,0,2,17,20,8,3,4,3,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,1,19,4,7,12,4,24,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,19,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717340395823239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550025642933704,0.0,0.10107911237159556,0.18312932738985035,0.0,0.0,0.1740123154072263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387354975265196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384090302774498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281080389378994,0.0,0.08663134581812125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114210949836004,0.17519235224012172,0.1663256807331573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834494167301032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32028977363321176,0.0,0.3112117583839873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399465232464403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841176202430345,0.0,0.0,0.11495504666251795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781334590465893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716364728257216,0.18638268913392592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813743874457472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062473752698959,0.0,0.1316383635166462,0.1933757897150958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125773083955352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780181612516868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38135748240524064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779001741270365,0.0,0.0,0.1067792412196798
suicidewatch,blessyourliver,2018/03/22,"Honestly, im just ready It would hurt everyone too much. Truly though, I am a burden. I am sick too often. I have used up all of my sick days at work. They must think I'm useless. I don't make much money, and finding a job or degree that could point me towards making more seems hopeless. I look at job listings every day. I can't do retail/food/manual labor and that's all there is here. My anxiety sucks. I'm hard of hearing, and my speech suffers from it. I've been bullied my entire life. Interviewers have turned me down upon hearing how I spoke. I contribute nothing and I'm afraid I never will. I have tried so hard. Exercised. Ate better. Therapy. Pills. The pills just made me fat and ruined my sex life. I don't know how much longer I can go, I just want it to be over. People might miss me, but they didn't want any part of helping me either. I know it could be worse. That makes me sadder. I am ungrateful. I know it. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Give my organs to people who would appreciate them more. Research my body and help heal someone who will live a wonderful life. This body wasn't made to live in, not for me.",0.12784810126582258,2.435185814345996,2.079185654008441,94.2266265822785,89.59071729957806,5.016540084388186,17.60464135021097,6.588339656340683,-0.0740356118143457,886,23,194,11,30,293,138,237,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.11,-0.8418,2,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,3,2,13,11,1,1,4,0,25,16,5,8,4,44,54,13,0,8,9,0,2,0,0,6,10,4,0,0,11,7,2,0,7,1,1,2,8,9,0,0,7,7,34,2,19,37,9,15,0,6,1,1,12,10,1,5,3,127,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646897426110245,0.0,0.08602295022397095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945174000468562,0.0,0.2498103191982515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956227907048275,0.0,0.0,0.14504022193364902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474288238665222,0.10744955486786067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277607761838076,0.0,0.13597341835945034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787104262355222,0.12781437891142028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014639019261861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534757222399616,0.0,0.1507439909840106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037866258120852,0.0,0.1214638958373378,0.0,0.22317597377273832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853965996059973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23827753389083106,0.0,0.0,0.19858853030491166,0.0,0.09442858982603952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280336387987714,0.2251811478547379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192903040594158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798820627445595,0.0,0.08672737221261145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789756355596856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177098760667605,0.0,0.15591554448511544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063003712330778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236907618865927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125299123892194,0.0,0.09527742137975978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285948922029535,0.0,0.0,0.07205258858253137,0.11048028003987136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634528820073883,0.12231189871121005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711957539413844,0.0,0.0,0.1989754759208952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219458219672025,0.08186399524581935,0.0,0.11459483540434492,0.15976066499915634,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pippy132,2018/03/22,"Forgiving Myself I'm 22. My anxiety/depression has made me housebound for 2 years. My grandparents tell me things like, ""I do this all to myself"" and ask me, ""will you ever move out?"" This added pressure has made me self harm myself daily. But I realized... I don't have to live my life for ANYONE besides myself. It's time to forgive myself! I am in control of MY OWN happiness and I can't let ignorant negativity keep me down! Thank you for listening and I wish you the best of luck!",1.8665625000000008,4.207852531250001,4.010250000000003,83.40975000000002,80.97916666666666,7.5900000000000025,24.18333333333333,8.548686976883017,1.9150158333333327,377,14,74,9,10,129,65,96,0.053,0.6779999999999999,0.269,0.969,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,2,1,10,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,3,2,17,17,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,23,7,11,13,3,7,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,4,57,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754605013480216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063986284583405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23645503710546845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527108349816266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940641732120144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038110457460943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398528648005024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002710406606464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304006768474494,0.15914721688120434,0.11007792147930556,0.0,0.19895798432911915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263985263498298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394750434694791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23505352480083705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693594529786126,0.20744052167101504,0.0,0.0,0.14968980944577204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138345819195796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591020567755588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509599154293332
suicidewatch,aamuu,2018/03/22,"i don't want to do it but it's the only way it fucking hurts to be in pain but can't do anything about it. i've been depressed for as long as i can remember, but i've found ways to look forward for the future. i don't want my pain and life to be a waste at this point. but after depression and living with a narcissist mom, i feel like the only way to prove myself is suicide. she blames everything on me and tells me everything is because of my personality. she makes me feel like a shit person and everything is my fault. i feel like the only way to ever prove my fucking point is to end it all and show her that it was hard enough coming to this fucking point. im hopeless and i hate this life. this is it.",2.0700438596491217,3.2938676710526344,3.867105263157896,89.89807017543863,76.23684210526315,6.908771929824562,23.192982456140356,7.492282038375204,0.7885903508771936,554,16,126,7,12,187,78,152,0.314,0.634,0.052000000000000005,-0.9945,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,15,5,0,7,0,15,8,1,1,4,24,28,12,1,2,4,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,12,8,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,12,0,0,3,5,17,3,19,23,2,17,0,4,1,3,7,7,4,0,9,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235023292336317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841029618615803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667045598017084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331556761044189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939655468295452,0.1159566920214491,0.0,0.0,0.10151242071518213,0.0,0.0,0.30257725999484986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702304523873546,0.24051709349113465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230470814178847,0.0,0.31124596178871666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053005465462214,0.11079729796556016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013738851313535,0.0,0.12122044664423087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853330398806165,0.16447994124784845,0.0,0.09909525038708157,0.0993141095448012,0.09423932729793684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490993964540422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143459976296615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560526827457768,0.23882705637427126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597815427609044,0.0,0.0,0.31826194254244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271271485239688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519562854312185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227541009672866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808813089514158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323844472252629,0.3563106014714502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,narkplier,2018/03/22,"had a breakdown tonight i dont know what hit me but oh god did it hit. was thinking about gender dysphoria and then it spiraled thinking i should cut myself and kill myself because i hurt someone else and basically all my trauma coming back to me. my friend got me to calm down after thirty minutes...... and now i feel guilty for making them care about me. 
does anyone else do this? end up having minuscule breakdowns and being fine ten minutes after and then just feeling like the shittiest friend that could ever exist? im just a burden for everyone and i should have sucked it up and offed myself when my mom told me to three years ago. ",3.613592017738359,5.8374417560975616,4.120502586844052,85.43667405764968,74.52845528455285,6.098743532889874,24.189948263119,6.980632752743323,1.0224861788617887,508,16,92,5,11,160,85,123,0.223,0.616,0.161,-0.9301,0,0,0,0,1,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,12,3,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,2,23,24,12,1,3,3,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,5,2,17,6,13,13,1,16,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,13,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966801789388444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383406449485533,0.1961159252440194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717779241795756,0.0,0.11667804721605192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951490430264257,0.0,0.0,0.16487752072521905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282044775429807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749885181493898,0.0,0.2243239574543261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319786813405338,0.0,0.16952705289934478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313579501236376,0.0,0.18289463879505596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935591362564563,0.136738991814239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957563727113307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308319220465375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490184476331835,0.0,0.20674906827794567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176006797826896,0.0,0.10519058349588613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351028242292084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277635964491932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416994651265967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621759121292342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452877944307341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289463879505596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232578428560189
suicidewatch,freckibexe,2018/03/22,"Please help me vent this out I need to move on God I need to write about Thursday when I was two steps from dying. Please can someone pm me because I need to talk about this to move on, right now I’m stuck thinking about what would have happened if my friend was in the shower, or didn’t have their phone on them, or if he hadn’t called someone in time. I’m scared of the part of me that wanted to die, and the fear is stopping me from recovering from anything, though I’m getting help now. Please just message me ",3.0410514018691583,4.187621831775701,3.19073598130841,96.00890771028038,73.67289719626169,5.723831775700935,23.655373831775695,5.148860815047168,0.03335607476635527,404,11,93,1,8,123,67,107,0.116,0.7340000000000001,0.15,0.4588,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,2,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,15,20,7,2,7,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,5,0,12,1,19,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,4,6,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687279369290766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398357881457364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574297952333728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32001837883083245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734896086433159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911513359988643,0.0,0.08055001400861095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633634151634413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668035091674214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32772700659342696,0.0,0.3429561707550864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695637607667954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077131772005496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166450927803142,0.0,0.0,0.154355955776671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26126375926055706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889710724206432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391993241419125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878904091292644,0.1514760415918839,0.0,0.08990061520675896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060646002680905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909363416273056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952141471503196,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_is_ramped,2018/03/22,"Girl I like [14yo] is suicidal and I don’t know what to do I met this girl a long, long while ago. About 7 years at this point. And I’ve been in love with her ever since I met her (only told her how I felt about 2 months ago which caused us to get closer and is the reason I know about her being suicidal) She’s been telling me about all the problems in her life for the past few weeks and finally told me last week that she’s considering suicide and has been for years. I think I’m one of the only people that know, not even her mother knows and they’re very close. I’ve dealt with a multitude of suicidal friends in my life and have been suicidal myself so I’m hardly inexperienced in helping people get through it. But it’s so... so different when you’re in love with the person to the point that you would literally die from the shock if you found out that they took their own life. I’ve been telling her how it’s an absolutely terrible thought to have in her head and made sure she knew that her family, friends and most definitely me, love her and would be broken without her in our life’s because I know that it’s true. I genuinely love her and would hold her in my arms for weeks straight just to make sure she didn’t hurt herself but I don’t know what else I can say or do. She made me promise to not tell anyone and i don’t want to break that promise unless I worry that she’s genuinely going to do it. What do I do? Please help me. ",3.3931281328320817,4.108071016447372,4.3011090225563935,90.00942982456142,72.38815789473685,7.8957393483709275,24.34461152882205,8.11559375814309,1.0147940476190471,1135,30,263,16,21,367,144,304,0.08900000000000001,0.779,0.131,0.8324,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,2,2,2,0,13,16,0,0,10,0,25,10,2,7,5,56,54,24,6,6,9,1,2,1,2,3,4,1,0,3,19,17,0,1,12,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,17,3,48,12,34,32,4,34,0,1,0,4,46,15,0,3,17,169,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499876808302017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915511125443083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051572093323674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690871503914202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780266673456015,0.08839022534632443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067342905594809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587828066886583,0.07652660968444558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797544620094262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123039883243255,0.0926764560430509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276082578009442,0.13072532167337872,0.0,0.08840124821957021,0.0,0.048080799516154134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757860387912083,0.0,0.08682521683382588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341277359396625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056731161055152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789675719602839,0.06896125224671923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390252580089541,0.04133186256458474,0.0,0.0,0.1497387618923483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305423467474442,0.16010336180035775,0.05647194375172514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752785373255298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057327948213853376,0.12868601742256644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076139793575499,0.11730361012098972,0.07387048606122644,0.0,0.09286668900569528,0.15995091886469126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095190242094931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698410205708124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672782529813169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998296930296495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626997911046569,0.0,0.15947121950813978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183547751511734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420901929441816,0.0,0.06716388588077822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168010359091156,0.0939950224676232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176480136277573,0.0,0.0,0.06980483261746227,0.04989996716521805,0.0,0.2035858875762803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155251731082483,0.0,0.0,0.08591660365527863,0.0,0.1802947501637993,0.0,0.0,0.10896077070735953
suicidewatch,universecamecrashing,2018/03/22,The only reason i am still alive is my cat And I am feeling very resentful of him in this moment. ,0.8657142857142865,2.6608205714285766,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,81.38095238095238,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.545838095238095,76,2,16,1,2,27,19,21,0.14400000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.175,-0.0754,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28222489476661083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245094836392701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738863784683702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457511317295162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460544417233137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kimberlyb13,2018/03/22,"i’m about 3 minutes away from killing myself i don’t think i can keep living. honestly i have no one in my life anymore. everything feels so numb. everything would be so much better if i was dead. so here i’am. on my bathroom floor with a bunch of pills about to take my own life. i hope everyone has a good day, this is my fate ",0.2890217391304333,2.498670855072469,1.9679528985507275,96.31540760869566,86.82608695652173,5.7688405797101465,20.219202898550726,7.1686216300943375,0.3965202898550729,255,8,59,4,8,83,55,69,0.182,0.662,0.156,-0.4657,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,0,7,14,4,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,10,4,9,11,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24471551614330775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23183526104012414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823551317034826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913712149500742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578580671799476,0.4435365271614885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247671812321612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069671151359056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450842543950421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932795355458187,0.27299880842796626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485819345354881,0.0,0.0,0.21788995254781748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139395534608124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720816249960238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855297038675444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811119688624714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752882891183418,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1298473,2018/03/22,I really wanna break my own hand. Ive been getting that itch again to do something that ill probably regret and i wanna get rid of it. Everytime it happens i just wanna hurt something,2.302500000000002,4.921112027777782,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,81.5,6.933333333333335,25.66666666666667,8.07648339933343,2.1331333333333338,147,6,25,3,4,50,28,36,0.224,0.6970000000000001,0.08,-0.7003,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,6,6,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959791823212527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351107613000649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056817151213144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085801524231189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427698026120833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5834798135590492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,112122114132,2018/03/22,"i had a rough day today and im really starting to think about setting a date. i wrote this poem to take my mind off of things I wish I was lonely

I wish I was hated.

I wish I was dead.

But the love of a grandmother,

the adoration of a mother,

the expectation of a father, 

the bond of my siblings.


For them I must live 

this life which I do not deserve.

For them I must call this grimace of pain 

a smile.


For them I must pretend

That somewhere in this abyss

There lies a light

And that I can find my way out.


For them,

and only for them,

I MUST believe that I deserve to exist.

When every instinct in my body tells me elsewise.


But I don't.

I wish every passing car would veer from the road and flatten me.


I wish that serial killer would choose me as his next victim.


I wish the ground itself would open and swallow me into the depths.


I would fit in better there.


But they don't,

and I can't.


Im too much of a coward to MAKE myself a place in this life,

and at the same time Im too much of a toward to TAKE this life 

which I do not deserve.


The weeping of a mother for her lost child,

The stoic silence of the father who must be strong.


For fear of them I must continue to live in this state.


I wish it wasn't that way.


I wish I was lonely

I wish I was hated.

I wish I was dead.
",1.0043712394705189,2.4380380938628186,2.9264124548736454,94.63861988567992,79.61371841155237,5.48309265944645,19.12289410348977,5.985473137389443,-0.28158712394705177,980,21,232,6,24,329,122,277,0.16,0.674,0.16699999999999998,0.0145,0,4,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,7,3,6,13,3,1,22,0,25,7,1,1,6,43,45,12,2,21,5,4,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,18,10,1,0,3,1,0,2,6,9,0,0,10,2,48,4,37,24,3,30,0,4,0,1,19,16,0,0,8,170,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817105061321807,0.0,0.06414220715459959,0.0,0.08055859677576259,0.0,0.0,0.07405583167536267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046772434351469855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221038240622427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161045522588836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628626568851177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432062610055039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23501737731997935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367903003399164,0.0,0.0,0.12808128494026333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791692818036394,0.0,0.06545637704019315,0.0,0.048410803177261715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322927671263604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662800468518233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713084562812537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055158305587092726,0.07717139857720441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577287973028203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646118257351355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133335887316561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905910340554456,0.0,0.06338978807442555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818219083020636,0.04647090199395325,0.0,0.0,0.042289738212477605,0.0,0.06874493943401036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513346879905255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8339983055814858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607787594364207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElectricalOYAP,2018/03/22,"I don’t think I’m going to live past 25 Fuck everything. The past, the present and the fuckin hopeless future I’ve set up for myself. I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I’ve let my only friends go, distanced myself from my family and avoid my coworkers like the plague. Most days I just feel like coming home and sleeping until I gotta do it all again. I tried going to the gym, I tried going out and meeting people but I’m too poor to actually make it a constant thing and i keep fucking up at work
Fuck depression and anxiety, you’re slowly draining my soul out of me ",3.4669934640522877,4.789159378151262,4.738095238095241,84.64301587301587,72.86554621848741,7.3056956115779625,26.66760037348273,7.793537801064563,1.5271841269841273,462,16,92,6,9,153,77,119,0.18,0.759,0.06,-0.9481,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,4,1,6,0,5,5,1,1,1,20,21,8,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,2,3,1,1,5,2,7,0,0,0,2,14,4,12,19,2,19,1,2,0,4,2,5,4,1,11,53,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.15501527942123844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152028071004572,0.0,0.15753711920120106,0.0,0.0,0.13072051584732053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683573362950022,0.0,0.17166107507706485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244550110019897,0.0,0.13681779633585273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276468417435284,0.0,0.14975021635264602,0.0,0.16063928116971873,0.22696581290596374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272758608191725,0.4405644836237708,0.0,0.0,0.3611138460993591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934011221346667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119371958028806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624355096502964,0.0,0.23281915037830214,0.0,0.14026799758446076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603401466962184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208130458475921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032817602704674,0.11012701077770726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896532851071926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553328583699824,0.10178505582100768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156982718887936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564513489035964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressionAndDragons,2018/03/22,"Failed attempt, still not sure it was the wrong choice. I attempted to OD, but my body wasn’t having it I guess. After popping the pills I felt amazing and was very glad I did what I did. But I somehow lived. I ended up going to the er 12 hours later and they monitored my liver for a while, but I was all okay in the end they didn’t even have to do a pump. I honestly think I’m immortal at this point. I took over 50 634mg tablets and did not die (but the side effects are terrible, please don’t do that to yourself, it sucks if you fail, like really really sucks. Not worse than the depression, but some of the worst physical pain I have had). Worst thing is, I still don’t wanna live. Nothing significant is wrong, I just don’t see a future that I’m happy with and the notion of heaven sounds amazing. Even if I am wrong and it’s just nothing, that sounds better than life. So I’m not sure where to go from here. I should go see help, because trying and failing sucked, but maybe I should just try something more guaranteed? I guess I’m posting here as a last resort. The people at the hospital are nice, but the stuff they say is just nothingness to me. What you say probably will be too? But who knows, maybe that one person is reading this who’s words will somehow mean something to me. Or you can just ignore me, either way I’ll be gone soon either someone will find a way to save me, or I’ll save myself from this nothingness of a life I lead. 

Maybe I can try and help you out if your going to try and help me. Where I am at:
I do t feel unloved or anything like that
I have not experienced some major loss recently
I can’t remember a time when I was truly happy 
I am Christian, but religion or not, death sounds like a solution (either the start of a new try or the end of a failed one). 
I have made several plans before, this was my first official attempt (other than doing all the prep but not the execution, that’s been done a few times, my faith is the only thing that stopped me).",3.6835192909280496,4.3724443236009725,4.7482681612791104,87.16398722627737,71.70072992700729,8.109871393813,25.384167535627387,8.306716005460428,1.353466388599235,1551,44,339,23,28,509,196,411,0.17,0.632,0.198,0.9516,0,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,0,5,3,13,19,36,3,0,27,1,45,6,2,3,4,71,69,30,3,6,33,0,2,3,0,5,4,5,0,1,23,10,0,2,8,1,0,7,15,18,1,3,17,10,45,18,31,45,12,41,3,6,2,0,16,11,3,14,23,240,68,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360799056543202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054526602444282715,0.0,0.07611356474182443,0.0,0.0,0.07910938824051114,0.0,0.09935643924887287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704133506966329,0.0,0.09283278599019916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153624531041188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23767283831576894,0.0,0.0,0.11815897315545447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045227539901193,0.0,0.08588400001000845,0.0,0.08175374936392593,0.07608432804032199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334118485100325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970738666753351,0.0,0.0,0.1904378806110324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986510201505304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808815200892964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915822011094837,0.0729119673641527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635937750090778,0.13109916001642866,0.0,0.15796824814994284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463775460975749,0.0,0.0,0.2695872790436172,0.09743497283759793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638932784482542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165532237348866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212244079985125,0.06802914968081462,0.09517885962970812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201190316440194,0.07810244584307817,0.0,0.09818692058803648,0.08455716649695433,0.0,0.08566635125144892,0.0,0.09643995223279132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947209410636485,0.0,0.11460521529801415,0.0,0.08831899856086553,0.0,0.1013270205493467,0.0,0.0,0.1422651018035815,0.0,0.0,0.1425567721362764,0.0,0.0,0.10105065337920643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578890543424455,0.1377227087872825,0.0,0.0,0.06331167568023949,0.0,0.14286639818199146,0.07478243977783343,0.0,0.0,0.10239643181214472,0.0,0.0,0.16860715218309108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188504047413922,0.057314595035147124,0.0,0.0,0.10431556590426952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993798950464706,0.3036462229982808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380387553659433,0.0,0.14199914045283812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115503986086797,0.0,0.29339167206882416,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway__asd,2018/03/22,"everyone is better than me. I do not have anything going for me in life. No husband or boyfriend, no amazing career, no skills, nothing. I have nothing to show for my 28 years on planet earth, and I am infuriated at myself for letting life get like this. Everyone I know has so much going for them. One of my acquaintances just got accepted to medical school, another is consistently being published in academic journals, then a few other have successful careers or comfortable family lives. I feel like everyone moved on in life and I'm still stuck feeling like a child. I hate how little I've done in life and how time is over for me now. I'm stuck at a dead end job (I did graduate from college but it doesn't matter because I was too shy to network for good jobs so I work in retail now), I don't have much of a life, I have no one to talk to or to turn to. I tried to turn my life around (become healthier, pick up some hobbies, cbt. etc.) but suicide still seems to be my only answer. I cannot envision any way to fix my life at this point and I feel like it's too late to become the person I wanted to be at this age. ",3.2531841432225086,4.38130845652174,4.923861892583123,83.85829923273661,73.1304347826087,8.194373401534527,27.007672634271106,8.671277953709913,1.8937698209718663,875,31,182,16,17,297,132,230,0.119,0.778,0.103,-0.6008,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,4,12,11,1,0,5,0,21,8,0,3,0,25,38,14,2,1,7,1,3,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,7,1,1,3,8,1,0,2,6,3,25,10,36,28,5,30,0,0,0,0,5,16,0,5,14,126,31,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999347281603725,0.1079272913329644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469964679788422,0.09162630630048058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627429703302931,0.2273482163710959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103002528525364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532942941981896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116222891997704,0.0,0.11479012912879835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950517214495124,0.0,0.0,0.09702983767131344,0.0,0.15612802193382816,0.22059189481913127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377478920033715,0.0,0.1169908756103956,0.08632977030338487,0.08231963437627501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161849847883547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042771150573767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056565650666808666,0.0,0.11610544795899196,0.0,0.0,0.10524920442391623,0.5088996583930326,0.20113853516161645,0.10315927974164048,0.09088588562736942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368750673417394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939446076902644,0.15132547495931087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752128898407054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139491167492603,0.07828015553288832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898713512778091,0.0,0.0,0.09729870468553913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416699885942048,0.0,0.0937003172940229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439429160267474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258476200649252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827283312772707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600172041088321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698802606670914,0.22390870651120348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070864992196581,0.08169817535819829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493163575446461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628121880520453
suicidewatch,coolwoman121,2018/03/22,"after my girlfriend and best friend left me, I don’t know what to do. my best friend left first. she ended up pretending to be suicidal and manipulated me into redoing what already made me depressed in the first place, trusting someone I shouldn’t of. my girlfriend took my other friend away from me and now never talks to me, so we broke up. I don’t know what to do and all of my other friends would think I’m being unreasonable for thinking this way.",6.52168539325843,6.320656224719103,6.7317752808988764,78.50283146067417,65.40449438202248,9.367191011235958,32.406741573033706,8.841846274778883,2.510822921348314,360,13,70,5,5,116,55,89,0.124,0.644,0.232,0.8939,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,4,2,9,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,2,16,15,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,0,15,7,14,9,3,16,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505438993978726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755394031674322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519688068216057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443451137348268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852702227034445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852806933770522,0.0,0.0,0.5182395683168499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843203650428632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643998286244407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867602397797442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933587460133522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520443491949958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208649829377934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834299100839049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478600564707113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214902961403384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863140944845481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331076132586149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912493603462446,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DawnCsgo5,2018/03/22,"some one help and hurry my friend is suffering from depression and i have messeged him sorry for spelling or grammer misakes im hurring help he just got off 15 mins ago and dont know what to say to him hes been struggling for around 4 years and he said he couldnt take it any more

i dont know what to do please some one help me

i know what his city is and his snap chat but i dont have any other info were discord freinds

",0.7027956989247315,2.516019279569896,2.0163440860215083,99.01118279569893,82.01075268817203,4.993548387096775,21.086021505376344,5.82211442006289,-0.18457849462365594,335,10,81,2,9,107,60,93,0.119,0.78,0.101,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,12,0,0,0,0,16,18,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,2,11,1,8,13,3,5,0,2,0,0,15,2,0,3,3,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292090058659008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346272635747485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153571673570523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858377059193928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6065460424931371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332818389424648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797308359697355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34689215900963744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863418581118548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844231746400264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337963070331999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936565508100212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409779592347548,0.13718794742139606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931123295198838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803463163613739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970706382021932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109165161398514
suicidewatch,Iwant2diealreadyffs,2018/03/22,"All signs point to me killing myself I was willing to try but fuck it. I want my life to get better, I really do, but it just seems like everything is going against me and everyday is becoming more unbearable and pointless.

Every solution is met by a road block and I'm running out of ideas. 

It was my own stupidity that got me here in the first place. So many opportunities that I wasted and now I'm fucked. 

No social life. At all. Only have 4 friends who I can't even bear to talk to because of my situation. 20 years old never been to a party, out past 1:00, drunk, nothing. I've done fuck all. 

No self esteem due to years of bullying on and off, leading to me thinking I'm a disgusting ugly piece of shit which causes a plethora of issues. 

No money. 

No job. 

Fail most job interviews that I do manage to get because of my depression and social anxiety. And whenever I do by some miracle manage to get into employment my depression/anxiety fucks it up and I end up on the brink of being fired or I leave due to the stress. 

Failing education because I'm so depressed with my shit empty life that I can't think straight. 

Family think I'm a scrounging, lazy burden. 

So fuck it. What am I staying here for? ",2.2232249371182182,4.347756971074382,4.311825368307584,82.88931908012937,78.46280991735537,7.679770032339205,25.810995328781893,8.587818076936951,2.0330777578153074,945,37,186,21,23,324,141,242,0.381,0.544,0.076,-0.9986,3,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,6,8,20,10,1,8,0,16,11,2,2,4,32,37,14,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,12,12,1,1,5,1,1,3,7,16,0,1,6,1,22,4,33,29,8,30,0,4,0,5,8,15,7,4,12,124,34,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673176849089127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992911807444877,0.12035476973817374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637988727022824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194775650229473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772070810578306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151967168973337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651986055235606,0.0,0.0,0.07197722524453089,0.0,0.09181647624920204,0.0,0.09794006453634553,0.0,0.10273231043608927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269442126468301,0.0,0.0,0.08419412525420779,0.5037300156790153,0.1708054492416482,0.0,0.061933232291443735,0.0,0.08715758406580436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301996431797599,0.0,0.11374200698184216,0.21628254259429264,0.0,0.1205651362556009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538921590414035,0.0,0.0,0.23091764763838515,0.0532398768533458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048395325467944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404854813702403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456483729461732,0.0,0.1143513527553466,0.0,0.0,0.08288070383495652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402935202556968,0.0,0.0,0.11385610085014752,0.0,0.1030169788456668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981243299102191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920711314407914,0.1136851109302066,0.0,0.22372336825332367,0.0,0.12249291772989135,0.0,0.22217339747069084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615327888535985,0.0,0.0,0.1248309547929216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875903002066845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094811120886973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398714461962776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427651555046486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403531719684976
suicidewatch,kingtord,2018/03/23,"I'm not afraid to die anymore... and that scares me. I'm 17, diagnosed with bipolar, depression, anxiety, psychosis, & a dissociative disorder. My moods are chaotic, and have caused a lot of problems for me over the years; I went down in flames last semester, my third semester of university.  I barely pulled through and ended with a 2.1…I'm on academic probation now. I don't really have any friends in the real world, & I'm not even sure why — maybe it's because I'm transgender and I live in the south.  Either way, though, I'm miserable. The only thing that's keeping me here is my girlfriend and I love her more than anything on this planet but I feel my attachment to this world slipping. My family is unsupportive and I can't come home without wanting to die even more. I used to be so scared to die, but I feel like I'm ready now. I realised that no one is truly happy in this world, & there's no reason to stay. I'm just ready to go. ",3.8111111111111136,5.091405111111115,5.033730158730163,83.01821428571431,71.96296296296295,8.786243386243386,28.843915343915334,9.23628265651192,2.397861375661376,742,29,151,16,14,246,114,189,0.125,0.6940000000000001,0.181,0.9455,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,4,7,0,9,3,0,3,1,27,25,10,3,2,7,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,8,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,7,6,0,2,1,2,19,5,23,23,4,23,0,2,0,1,4,12,0,1,6,93,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262580454837928,0.0,0.08917711112554995,0.0,0.10031883212238753,0.0,0.13005187053426034,0.0,0.0,0.10791391698254342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799394088102687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471299792091096,0.0,0.11296222252049805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294741471772113,0.1331004800280145,0.4082960076881609,0.0,0.15029344339806994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614774766522125,0.0,0.0,0.17322844329659565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362353614387613,0.0,0.1326128032766619,0.0936837256686503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013155008612479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452772305215008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959692066530635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154029824573749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655987764797394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689350344613513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406652213443252,0.0,0.11579566488489627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114873056068536,0.11835553810786185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317439362528712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888612812312863,0.09973498739274217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547963064021375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492617020783028,0.08400920602799658,0.13482985169312856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625804211068771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977373826754386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235943141741867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871210626188964,0.0,0.12884064819094967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325957031693608,0.0,0.0,0.07734752688443276,0.10408980965727137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156456884402805,0.11833002127816053,0.0,0.0,0.12641061474663653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444741169599905
suicidewatch,SuicidalBeing,2018/03/23,"I can't stand this, I'm filled with anger 24/7 I frequentlyly fight with my family (Father, Mother, Brother), I became so violent, I always feel pain and anger flow in my blood, I can't stop thinking about my parents' mistake bringing me into this damned life in the first place.

I never get a job even though I had applied so many times, friendless, lonely, depressed, damn suicidal",5.7040845070422534,7.125655183098594,5.7367323943661965,79.22481690140846,67.59154929577466,7.933521126760564,29.69295774647888,8.238735603445708,2.203887887323944,302,11,52,4,5,95,55,71,0.447,0.532,0.021,-0.9895,2,2,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,6,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,9,8,4,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,10,0,1,1,1,11,0,6,7,0,12,0,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,4,31,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092184063968545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286794933783055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536387508638887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25029495084654396,0.0,0.1342475555751959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258388380024432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871566254986045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26347323513804144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187534382707524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691808987048471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047742052658991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825165656950969,0.0,0.2948124312040153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27739673180615804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197448196510505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904199177158477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012520024437147,0.2608578003177276,0.0,0.15481838899137246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moneybeets,2018/03/23,"What the fuck is the point anymore I’ve tried to get better but I’m misdiagnosed and can’t see my doctor for weeks. My mom came to therapy with me and it was good but I held back info too. Then we stopped at petco on the way home to get some new awesome stuff for the hamster I bought in order to cope with the loss of my brother’s cat. Came home and due to an absentminded mistake on my dad’s part my husky got in my room and broke open the cage, tried to eat, and ultimately scared my hamster to death via heart attack. This whole year has been nothing but miserable and I just want to die. Or not be alive anymore, you know what I mean. ",1.6743333333333332,3.3899959333333314,2.9575,93.89625000000002,78.55555555555556,5.981481481481483,21.62037037037037,6.816661863887847,0.2579259259259259,501,14,116,5,12,162,93,135,0.22,0.68,0.1,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,1,0,2,3,9,2,2,7,0,6,4,1,0,0,26,19,11,2,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,12,1,2,3,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,7,1,14,2,18,11,3,19,0,3,1,1,5,8,1,2,7,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113416233371962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857460289141575,0.0,0.12069927222716635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388260949103296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590608440220208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629087703154059,0.0,0.0,0.16066415708342033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061820866719634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511507109313346,0.16401937637423278,0.0,0.0,0.1316579320742662,0.12554224102534306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860087130899512,0.0,0.0,0.31490489003999445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626591460924307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098497520438366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838398915676324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516013875643115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061573983631138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699818493071364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483861964115585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715309250866027,0.0,0.12508376324775042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123289552765266,0.0,0.0,0.17969165325882752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950743455177076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314294199805614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258422997834846,0.12459447979649525,0.125910855300434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524999292406018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108272236319203
suicidewatch,nya666,2018/03/23,"Stuck in hospital So I just wanted to talk to someone about this because it sucks.. After swallowing a bunch of prescribed sleeping medication, I've been hospitalised and I'm bored out of my mind. There's no wifi here. I have no privacy- they've removed my curtains. I'm not allowed outside of my room. They also unplugged the cord of my bed in case I strangle myself with it so I can't even lift it up, and it's just annoying. I really wanted to go home today but they're keeping me over the weekend. I really miss my cat Sunday and I was supposed to have a sleepover with my girlfriends this Saturday... Everything just sucks and I wanted to get it off my chest... ",2.451241258741259,4.760156886363639,4.103333333333335,83.72884615384619,78.62121212121212,7.0918414918414925,27.57808857808858,8.139509932561175,2.0960564102564097,527,23,99,10,13,176,83,132,0.113,0.887,0.0,-0.8654,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,10,5,3,0,4,0,5,4,2,1,0,18,17,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,7,7,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,18,0,19,14,1,14,0,1,0,0,3,7,2,0,5,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084491219004248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889547000506574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721629877272914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23426374205863404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618370885902226,0.0,0.1481386685118638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614624979773193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316859333619273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26258678907691785,0.0,0.0,0.2631915543864759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339700024115313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608475123232973,0.0,0.2208557513270564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950804547246726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24707450732910605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612307679383034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UsaminHeartoNii,2018/03/23,"I'm weak, I depend on other people, I just want it to be over I'm autistic. My life is a cycle of wanting friends, trying to get friends, being rejected or called cringy (no matter if I try to be normal or just be my stupid fucking autistic self, its always the same. guess I cant be normal) and then I want to die. I have no one. I just want something. But I shut myself off for so long after each time I fuck up

I just want it to be over. It's always the same. I attempted suicide a year ago while drunk and I was so fucking close but I havent brought myself to do it again. I want to now. I have all the means to do so.

I'm sorry for being born. That's how I always feel. ",-0.7997275957362788,1.1069789127516785,1.8456849585471784,97.44083695223057,88.73154362416108,4.04279510461903,16.818397157520725,5.0885558068054335,-0.8046418476115278,514,12,123,2,17,177,82,149,0.138,0.78,0.08199999999999999,-0.8663,0,1,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,4,0,5,0,15,6,0,2,1,30,32,13,2,9,9,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,1,20,2,17,23,4,18,0,1,0,3,4,7,3,5,10,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867202588354973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623442327225619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822049400440612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150648999226863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073395229400172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429431378480674,0.4025831179731441,0.07583801306937875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990568672334085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252796768078723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845848231892434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811742576841756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444409903083323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836145469539656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006328858088626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142935369095695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174817187866824,0.0,0.1624902453954947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877709200592727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464162439830901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710277624776795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137005784313721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347569767827073
suicidewatch,jgrey72,2018/03/23,"I want to die but I don't want to inconvenience anybody So I'm currently in a psychiatric hospital after spending several days in the ER for my second suicide attempt. And to be honest, I don't regret attempting it at all, I only regret not succeeding. I spent weeks preparing and planning how I would do it. I made sure to spend time with my friends and family so they would have positive last memories of me. I wrote and erased a note multiple times, unsure of whether I wanted to leave one or not. I wrote my abusive ex boyfriend a letter, telling him why the things he did destroyed my trust in everybody, my respect for myself and my faith in the world (lol he probably didn't read it though he dumped me after my first suicide attempt a few months ago and indirectly called me an attention whore). I sent him the letter in the email, left a short note apologizing to my friends and family, sent a few kind texts to people I cared about, and then tried to kill myself. I had done my research and was absolutely sure that what I did would be lethal. Then I lied down in my bed and fell unconscious. I woke up a day later in the ER, extremely confused. When I realized what had happened, I cursed my shitty luck. Apparently my room mate had found me in time and called an ambulance. Normally you hear stories about people regretting their decision to commit suicide after surviving. This was not the case for me. When I was unconscious and thought I was dead, I felt nothing. And it was great. I've been put through so much pain in my life that I would really rather just not feel anything than feel the way I do. But seeing the effect this has on my friends and family is so painful. I care about them all very much and hate seeing them in distress. I know that if I have people who love me I shouldn't want to die so badly and all that, but I've just been hurt too many times to recover at this point. I don't think I could ever bring myself to trust a person again. I want to take matters into my own hands and ensure that nobody can hurt me anymore. I wish I could die without hurting the people who care about me",5.146777159020598,5.783954983293557,5.698021744895255,81.85076814284453,68.37947494033413,9.262300008839386,29.599664103244056,9.348350401419415,2.417190329709184,1674,59,334,32,27,541,213,419,0.206,0.584,0.21,-0.7881,2,0,0,0,0,7,36.0,0,1,4,8,19,34,4,2,20,1,33,6,1,3,7,76,65,34,9,19,14,1,4,0,4,5,3,1,2,1,17,19,0,0,11,1,3,5,10,16,2,3,24,7,65,18,45,32,8,49,1,6,2,2,31,21,0,5,22,235,82,3,0.0,0.0976437244505794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730525028471714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172970594425644,0.0,0.0,0.06781734600236088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880985924606718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683019752881708,0.0,0.2520709476943431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159717822199254,0.0,0.0,0.10629673467035734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565892555753469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433520834202042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454559389029013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23306966401916845,0.0,0.08333909671364455,0.0,0.07912761780350501,0.0,0.0,0.07009887323959661,0.0,0.09035956089057433,0.19101192606384249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085857234016033,0.0,0.0,0.07287589857672386,0.0,0.0,0.0813639387189477,0.0,0.0,0.0928833437825412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26466848821192923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911757157355069,0.08581852012016022,0.04529100708381541,0.06717607803805105,0.0,0.08726149760171807,0.08953994430150294,0.0,0.0582094250827597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437927103002741,0.07797941290260445,0.0,0.08355196060930689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065779785376445,0.0,0.1211633398988806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807454192612025,0.07907571108194772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558439210065008,0.06267738525003062,0.1753825258924908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285340306594449,0.07195822834835179,0.0,0.0,0.07790516455147209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885314703990624,0.0,0.0,0.0828459574022767,0.0,0.0,0.08243344121958268,0.0,0.05279468628226958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134201690170574,0.0,0.0,0.09310113034386508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704332325425405,0.0,0.1553430475446683,0.0,0.06196292078243053,0.0,0.07203096842387939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054750299247082274,0.05280573063638492,0.08096852622769238,0.06542523942465908,0.19221839292225493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595175417559932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799782095846182,0.24304112666010536,0.06541412668756119,0.06610524521964785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436323525153725,0.0,0.0947687434202758,0.07944139772102393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341700363081887,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheLastEmo,2018/03/23,"Failure of sailing. (Intro) Hi, my name is Dill. I am a guy who can no longer tolerate the stupidity of life. Things always seem to just get shittier. I can't bare breathing...it tires me. Walking, tires me, eating tires me...the thought of doing anything tires me. I need to be hospitalized again because I am going to go crazy. But...There is one thing I have always wanted to do...

I dreamed for many nights of being an actor! Reaching the stars and telling great stories through portrayal...but being scammed over an over have proven that this was a foolish dream. I don't know what to do anymore, I have no dreams anymore...

No ambitions, I just want to live again. The only time I feel alive is when I do something bad....stealing something, not telling the full truth or cheating a system. I know it sucks...but it gives me a rush...then I regret it. I want to call the hotline every day before work but...I know what they are going to do. Hospitalize me.

I don't have time for that...even though lord knows I need it. I am suffering from so much shit...the only one in my corner is Abraham...my stuffed snake, and that's it. I don't know if it's just me going insane but...his face moves sometimes when he is happy or mad. 

I don't know what to do...I gave myself till twelve to still be alive but here I am..early twenties trying to die.

The only reason I have taken my miserable life yet is from fear of a ""what if"" God is real.

I dont want to go to hell or not exist anymore...just sooth the pain...WHAT DO I DO!!!?!??!?!",0.16592574092574353,2.4831055259740253,1.9718181818181824,94.99182983682985,89.51948051948051,4.327805527805528,19.585747585747587,5.873414542411696,-0.12737339327339334,1154,36,250,9,39,378,159,308,0.159,0.769,0.07200000000000001,-0.9827,0,0,3,0,0,0,94.0,0,0,1,1,12,11,4,2,14,0,35,8,1,1,1,33,59,13,1,9,11,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,16,2,1,0,10,4,0,7,11,8,0,2,4,1,34,3,27,51,2,24,2,3,0,0,11,5,1,6,11,155,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584637396007054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766731240393806,0.0,0.0,0.08200979291298112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321001395343458,0.06075040685601996,0.0,0.08480135966756322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176165062363292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427096982930175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342895514616393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679807819947804,0.0,0.0,0.10197470318960256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582296870796557,0.0,0.0839659075838869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214261516011552,0.05038992577800794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052067033252009086,0.0956007434832146,0.2831888279419761,0.0,0.0,0.10987296232038138,0.0,0.09867678779142224,0.0,0.10608747115447167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286155826535671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078235666888608,0.0,0.0,0.08799957190848215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010372624550108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592035991487983,0.07325987376007333,0.1477898385366544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352199725844393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506126875069913,0.2273825070286535,0.10604281556888126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134322765733806,0.0,0.10246471006728552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072462410026713,0.0,0.0,0.10229719343687907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344272734927836,0.09856401017479006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958676523517902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421043883251305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241629075312544,0.0,0.09791318091644537,0.07911707922500702,0.11622240862294575,0.4581674479937821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766103428611299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351227659783559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255199003979883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonorrya,2018/03/23,"idk my feelings i want to kill myself. ive been feeling this way for a while. i dont feel as if i HAVE to do it and idk how i would, and honestly at the same time im afraid of death, but on the other hand i just want to die. my sorta romantic interest isnt rly involved and ive been feeling starved for attention, and ive been anxious to talk with my new positive friends. i feel depressed a lot and like im not really going anywhere in life. i feel like im not moving forward and im not doing anything i wanna do. i feel sick and heavy all the time and like im just another burden for people. im not sure how to keep my negative thoughts to myself, how to continue a good convo, or manage loneliness. its been feeling so overwhelming yet underwhelming at the same time. i just feel like dying. ",2.036249999999999,3.53803679166667,4.261428571428572,85.88357142857143,76.91666666666666,7.6571428571428575,26.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.7776500000000004,623,24,133,12,14,216,91,168,0.21600000000000005,0.5589999999999999,0.225,-0.2847,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,2,7,0,14,3,1,3,2,44,28,17,4,5,10,0,10,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,11,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,5,10,19,9,18,22,4,15,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,4,12,88,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837677470895904,0.0,0.11676178021125196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505239430704586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901954744249556,0.0,0.21453243480791329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113134112980745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703347387828811,0.14767372732864656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985185015627448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873905298853311,0.08668930676654962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6698470961919825,0.0,0.0,0.0918667114613232,0.11434704221090425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300272373314305,0.20197621418339545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786876189693055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985005444634643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998209449726421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165337348776872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621188736639827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741090525842276,0.0,0.0,0.08307286887451466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205235959816637,0.1808014709170553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192296488160626,0.08203842267858469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734204574383004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2ugly4living,2018/03/23,"I'm too ugly to live. I just can't face people anymore, I can't stand looking at myself. I should never have been born and I need to fix that mistake. I don't want to live the rest of my life alone, death is my only escape.",1.022400000000001,2.0589010399999985,3.2089999999999996,94.31950000000002,78.6,5.0,18.5,3.1291,-0.6882000000000001,172,3,41,0,4,59,38,50,0.259,0.7070000000000001,0.034,-0.8785,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,1,7,11,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,5,9,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465683897784232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33185598405804023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635403821796694,0.0,0.0,0.5909562724806656,0.0,0.2809989447704867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481186277331265,0.25808179619495625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544957811853661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319853741030439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736924615726475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Helpfind2828,2018/03/23,"I need help finding somebody. Hello, due to my phone breaking recently I've been locked out of my other account as I've tried to message another user, I've tried all the email back up things I'm locked out I can only remember part of their user name and that is ""killbill"" and a sequence of numbers. They've been active on here and the depression sub Reddit before. It's very important I find this person ASAP. Any help would be appreciated. ",3.2779069767441835,5.581628127906972,4.793197674418604,79.84468023255816,75.86046511627906,7.090697674418602,27.02906976744186,8.07648339933343,2.0263534883720937,353,14,62,6,8,118,64,86,0.042,0.8029999999999999,0.155,0.8313,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,10,4,2,8,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623285151174217,0.25030443894064497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355046172134376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312153672141275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559744407582947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363465897272021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31999969210722945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769977464574614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154694858779846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584957336432918,0.0,0.0,0.20842919228863174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569373961434614,0.0,0.2704077807313079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858590339921322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241319081258166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695775208845626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695701542623975,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xexene,2018/03/23,"Addicted to porn, feel like ending it I have tried and failed for 3 years now to quit my chronic porn addiction, now I'm so miserable I just feel like I have the energy to try anymore and just want to stop fighting and end it",8.15787234042553,5.208534680851064,8.38776595744681,76.78250000000003,63.8936170212766,12.804255319148936,36.26595744680851,11.20814326018867,3.643348936170213,178,6,39,4,2,59,32,47,0.222,0.624,0.154,-0.6924,0,0,0,0,2,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,9,6,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,5,6,0,6,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523731274765321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382249390514678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255116054055294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429159753584988,0.34321382300532666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471009325766026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554941529188177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200827298345288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32617524006255305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168277474311036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468812114496971
suicidewatch,wishIwasdeadrightnow,2018/03/23,"I can't bear it anymore... My depression has worsened since I fucked up the only relationship that has ever made me feel happy. The world is such a screwed up place and I've lost all faith on humanity or the future. I just can't do it anymore, waking up everyday hurts too much, I wish I fell asleep and never woke up. I studied something useless, I'm jobless and I'm drowning in poverty and debt. No one remembered my fucking birthday, as I'm pretty much unimportant to everyone. The only real problem I have with killing myself is that I think my family wouldn't be able to afford the funeral. I'm ugly as fuck and a toxic person. I was so lucky I found a dude like him, so patient, intelligent and good looking, but I fucked it up with my insanity, jelousness and clinginess. I had a lonely and screwed up childhood because my parents know nothing about parenting, so I'm absurdly bad at keeping any kind of social relationship. I have tried with pills and therapy, but nothing made me feel better. There's no joy in my life anymore. I have no friends. My ex hates me. I'm too moody so I really don't want to meet any new people. Reading and writing keep getting harder and harder as my memory begins to fail, and my physical health is also on decline.",3.7323170731707336,5.528246581300813,5.324073170731708,78.79928048780491,73.02439024390246,7.846829268292684,30.999186991869927,8.548686976883017,2.6433079674796747,993,46,179,18,20,336,146,246,0.269,0.626,0.105,-0.992,5,2,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,0,3,12,26,8,0,9,0,16,11,2,2,3,39,43,23,3,4,4,3,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,5,15,0,2,6,1,1,1,8,17,0,1,7,3,29,9,23,34,3,21,1,6,1,6,12,13,6,2,8,116,34,2,0.10813180728370234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647296721783082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706667390117428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217130908261722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028554241328382,0.06591614607699563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563379630432227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313376716636347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781141035090686,0.0,0.10332457574637656,0.0,0.0,0.10193704442267186,0.0,0.10934938151983747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185609454316378,0.08354236607484293,0.3998644536842145,0.05649440632997384,0.0,0.0,0.09069582967072153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510831955628735,0.0,0.10675777309544833,0.0,0.114939054671307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157573361324361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222503734037216,0.11963182369930668,0.11260263751515845,0.05942641339205861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637669332193472,0.05282773909025777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080348442674196,0.0,0.11803864109820875,0.0,0.0,0.2046338611391204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589786403174592,0.0,0.08339791589166012,0.1044343732865399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207510770839364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732729110886049,0.16447822409021426,0.0,0.0,0.2401351509038206,0.0,0.0,0.0749649801062531,0.09441652328189,0.11297472392946901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000892209396064,0.0,0.10346753605094597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816106928643293,0.12307766975417715,0.06927200461910983,0.0,0.0,0.2321861876469975,0.1224922586163774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944774838834305,0.0,0.0,0.11022676016614599,0.0,0.08324514808912246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365814540936255,0.0,0.0,0.06928649593638374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734143991873872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377894153444989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243462419088432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OrneryTension,2018/03/23,"All i have is Farcry 5 and alcohol I wake up at almost 12pm everyday.
Jerk off.
Sit in a chatroom and speak to no one.
watch youtube.
Ex calls me about some trivial bullshit.
jerk off.
take a nap.
eat.
watch youtube.
bathe.
sleep.
repeat.

I want to kill myself. I have the noose tied. It's actually perfect and I did a great job getting it right. I know the crate im going to stand on and I know what metal beam im going to tie it from in the basement. I'm tired of this shit. I'm trying to chill with drinking for now but i'm going to go back as soon as farcry 5 comes out so i can enjoy it better. I want to die.",-2.401999999999997,-0.8964464592592574,0.6759999999999984,99.83400000000002,109.88888888888887,3.3451851851851857,14.288888888888893,5.414198509911553,-0.9830088888888892,468,12,113,4,25,162,90,135,0.153,0.7290000000000001,0.118,-0.402,1,0,2,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,4,0,6,0,5,7,3,0,2,16,19,8,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,7,3,0,2,3,0,5,1,4,0,1,1,3,11,4,22,18,2,21,0,0,2,0,3,9,1,2,5,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.17509426153920798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917522301351869,0.17966959863630064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379678087044756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586880496655286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321439214894966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545599364235994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862162517173692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576954127870512,0.0,0.1835979776758224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374287651394073,0.0,0.4078885800833358,0.0,0.0,0.1978182142464001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876225541010329,0.0,0.1780529933841903,0.0,0.1985087020948402,0.0,0.1972160889607395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158395675275392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532291457230492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417859772538567,0.0,0.0,0.17955595674079405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490630573394646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622422585567216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181873223291158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116606520487194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ivana__tinkle,2018/03/23,"Last night I took a bunch of pain med pills and didn’t die. On top of drinking last night I took about 18 pain meds. All it did was make me sad, put me to sleep, and then I woke up this morning puking my brains out. Really, like 3 pounds literally gone. I’m sort of upset about it. I don’t know the right amount to do the job but I’m kind of pissed my body didn’t give up. Also kind of cool to think even thought my brain is broken that my body still works somewhat. Now I’m fantasizing about shooting, which I’m terrified to do because any jerk reaction and I can just shoot off my jaw or ear and still be alive. I guess the only sure fire way to get that one done would be to stick the barrels in my butt and stand tall and pull the trigger with a toe. Sounds kind of funny though and I feel like a lot of people around me would be like “that’s typical” and get a good chuckle out of it. I can’t jump off high buildings because I’m terrified of heights and I don’t want those seconds plummeting to my death and me realize I wish I’d lived. There’s hanging but if the rope breaks I’d have a rash on my neck and everyone would know what I tried and what kind of person I am. Weak. Is it possible to drown yourself? Or strangle yourself? I know slitting the wrists is another method but what If I don’t go deep enough and just end up with scars and get a permanent label. I just am so upset my husband stopped loving me one day. I can’t fix it and already feel like I’m drowning so I might as well have the real effects. I fantasize about maybe being murdered or wrong place wrong time. Anything to just make it seem like I never existed.",2.0006328483157283,3.5223685809248586,3.1821785927845347,93.49841040462431,77.06358381502889,6.506517839346223,23.20271078333666,7.237678284180719,0.6326724337253347,1283,39,295,15,29,414,185,346,0.206,0.665,0.128,-0.9882,1,0,2,2,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,19,26,3,2,14,1,28,19,13,4,3,60,57,29,5,7,12,1,3,5,0,4,4,2,0,1,15,20,1,1,10,1,0,8,8,11,1,3,10,6,33,15,37,39,6,42,0,1,0,2,4,18,2,11,18,174,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140317796396696,0.07348460124282576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062488522340817976,0.09635494117243812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756178477541734,0.08180180605286863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203088932359606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413870936578396,0.0,0.2051598220954152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926161058255677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536757386906992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403563130443633,0.0,0.09001746387458788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138748870879738,0.09494719402204392,0.0,0.06069264474022105,0.0,0.0,0.08780507355761225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929249447043139,0.13129282863120809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440265919573624,0.08814950274987499,0.05222334776462916,0.0770731835875517,0.0,0.0,0.1012274722629109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708709625386927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911868961090894,0.0,0.0,0.3827582275902589,0.15150143791433174,0.14980563944885075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244646776043064,0.0,0.08114077593231844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812180613614274,0.08293453997181216,0.0,0.12267491336120838,0.0,0.092316108919637,0.0,0.20413870936578396,0.0,0.0,0.09748103596639382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087142711714038,0.0,0.0,0.17246555317751175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245344256473457,0.06988667730084124,0.19555541352531053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370513060350334,0.08023502358402948,0.0960057553889916,0.0,0.0,0.10359245224957044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237508341414613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459122399487822,0.05886724834945665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784737730400485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365343417033183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919566139377511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676734772850047,0.07682436515882166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660547493625834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058879563049710586,0.09028170593629976,0.07295059576530738,0.053581944842846535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418690187635444,0.0623874492033663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541992513630564,0.0729382048165084,0.0,0.0,0.08262037203082064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566925475908873,0.0,0.0,0.06689719778847791,0.0,0.0,0.195828595462053,0.20093513055145212,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weechlo,2018/03/23,"Need Advice On How to Help A Friend A friend of mine is going through some really hard times in the last few months. I just met her a few weeks ago, but she told me today about how her son O.D'd in January after spending all her and husband's savings on drugs. Apparently the shock of it caused her husband to have a stroke, and just in the last few days, they've discovered that he has a clot and a tumor in his brain. He's in his 70s, she's in her 60s, and she's very, very sweet, but as she was telling me about this whole situation, she said a lot of things that set off alarm bells for me, mostly about how she doesn't understand why this happened to her, how her husband is all she has left, things like that. Having contemplated suicide in the past, it makes me very worried.

I've contacted our supervisor in regards to maybe setitng up a fundraiser to see if we can get her a gift card to Dillions or Wal\-Mart or something to that effect, to help her make ends meet right now, but I was wondering if anyone else had any ideas about how I can help her.",10.212222222222222,5.75168577777778,9.307592592592595,76.4216666666667,61.5925925925926,12.651851851851852,38.574074074074076,9.516144504307137,3.265974074074073,832,25,183,10,8,263,125,216,0.091,0.8,0.11,0.5221,2,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,13,0,12,3,1,9,2,33,24,17,1,3,9,4,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,6,5,29,5,31,18,9,28,0,0,1,0,38,14,0,8,13,123,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630371537057925,0.12364556958706804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485499213669593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975315757208197,0.14291948230961013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571206185263592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432901357446831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995667356570712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175901390987735,0.0,0.11652232159235253,0.0,0.12354284134601205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553245930985654,0.0,0.07287546969067862,0.0,0.07927288173895697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334665668525167,0.0,0.124951701115972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804827752223926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746226576740302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273987641194627,0.0,0.0,0.1515515140817979,0.0,0.0,0.06814561916825689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858567028249085,0.0,0.0,0.1862154441543953,0.0,0.14013203477437047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133607629023973,0.0,0.0,0.10342680604384788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331547896886147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935804800826955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911994148385273,0.13268274884015324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115196507709067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567876602236209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738283062983923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525746085339368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121916563725558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533607122620385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813351759066504,0.0,0.1322160405312587,0.1332844696893867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520943031136585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452706878781784,0.0,0.0,0.11188693582443968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586405969209688,0.1557306926772996,0.0,0.0,0.1512661846921856,0.0,0.14165439904320726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leaky_bees,2018/03/23,i want to kill myself but i can’t tell anyone i know please tell me everything is going to be okay,-1.0642424242424229,1.0113113636363664,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,94.45454545454544,4.751515151515153,11.87878787878788,6.42735559955562,-0.8552303030303023,78,1,18,1,3,27,18,22,0.122,0.601,0.277,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109831902479085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32274524317180353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409069782570968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973024155443085,0.0,0.19735766669530724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39419534522439936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277565800924829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118125992644466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dylan_0027,2018/03/23,"My life is in crumbles. I need some support...with no friends to speak to I figured maybe reaching out to strangers will help me.

This is the toughest point my life has ever reached. And I’ve actually thought about suicide. My girlfriend of 4 years left me. 

We have a 4 month old son together and it kills me now knowing I’ll only see him on weekends/my days off from work.

I was never perfect in the relationship I had my flaws. I struggled to get it together after becoming a father and I admit I was wrong for that.

We originally were on a “break” where she told me I needed to change how I was and I did...I changed everything. 

But it turns out she just didn’t love me anymore. 4 years of memories now rest on my mind, tormenting me. It’s taken a toll on me while I’m even at work.

I look through old Facebook messages and look at how it used to be...and now everything reminds me of her. I told her I wouldn’t be okay.

I’ve had thoughts of suicide before, but never actually wanted to until now...and I have no one to talk to..",1.078937259923176,3.199575291079814,2.97745838668374,90.96006722151093,82.47417840375587,5.938454972257789,25.64425949637217,7.1686216300943375,1.142156807511737,799,34,174,11,22,267,121,213,0.098,0.841,0.061,-0.7963,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,2,0,0,3,10,7,1,1,6,1,15,3,0,4,4,31,33,11,3,4,3,2,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,12,4,34,4,30,18,2,31,0,0,3,1,20,14,0,1,16,116,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.2471202798837205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557025712054426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983876938894274,0.10774192665570452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678884554420935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165763078075194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836294782842619,0.11453252258599647,0.0,0.0,0.2275907822918994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782414848152553,0.0,0.0661522704330395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486885219894706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008319173283196,0.0,0.06958551164544792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375699777528574,0.0,0.17886697107332145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265314739215554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427698264385527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272040139167977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784729559311536,0.0,0.10106465534928166,0.0,0.0,0.187770125461388,0.19531000833581247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657269418080513,0.0,0.08579910374556361,0.09629809982257552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969419724107215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593950688080228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089752950002558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236780772095308,0.0,0.2769973712085213,0.14368371841975427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177012359341392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103985550445866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419763555786548,0.0,0.0,0.13772317405335674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935662292003273,0.0,0.0,0.07468211567136049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843576853068641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843605109748916,0.0,0.16307467407072102
suicidewatch,StealingBlenders,2018/03/23,"i wanna die because of school my marks are so bad and i wanna die so bad. what is the best way to die fast and easy, can a gun work, my parents have a gun i can use",-1.7003846153846138,-0.29125135897435683,1.2227564102564124,103.66182692307692,88.23076923076924,3.9,14.878205128205128,3.1291,-1.5142871794871793,123,2,35,0,4,43,27,39,0.443,0.434,0.123,-0.9606,1,0,0,2,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,6,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,23,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923108521193814,0.14321019038418614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24654289332347604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7314558596862372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26086021957883604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776011336212455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290273432490016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186475252693596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710306950038404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BurningMan94,2018/03/23,"Are there any interesting reads? I'm looking for articles or a very good book on the philosophy of life, death, and everything in between. Whether it concerns the life itself, cosmic or social, human behaviour - not very much religion.

I'm simply fascinated by this topic. I'm a huge fan of Allan Watts and Terrance Mckenna.

As long as it's a good, interesting read, I would love it if you were to share it with me. 

Much love!",3.8353439153439126,5.960172851851857,5.3845855379188725,77.06777777777779,73.56790123456791,8.579188712522045,28.855379188712522,9.23628265651192,2.749989770723104,335,14,61,8,7,113,60,81,0.041,0.644,0.316,0.9763,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,9,9,8,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,11,7,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,3,1,38,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749537813125854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493036891223067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638408440841056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30639733566025745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919443914465413,0.18213635918845936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915106606799718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31888413664912235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339054495569522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210961496526976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579205797472577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407529604158812,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sir_Bumhole,2018/03/23,"I feel like a massive faliure I recently have been very 'depressed', or at least that's what I think it is. I have huge break downs, mainly when I'm alone and I just don't know what to do. I failed my maths and english twice in a row, my driving theory test 5 times, my course exams, and now, as edgy as it sounds, I feel like the part of me I once had, is dying.

I no friends as I used to confine myself to a small friendship circle. The friends I had ditched me because their girlfriends didn't like me, so they pushed me away. I sit alone in my room at home because when I confronted my parents they called me an idiot and said ""You're just sad, get over it"".

The reason I am here though is because, recently, I have been thinking about suicide a lot, and have hidden pills in my drawer that at the moment I can't bring myself to take, but I can't bring myself to get rid of them either.

I am 18 years of age, have tried meditation, walks, exercise and suicide phone lines. I just want some advice.",6.543932038834952,4.8266330048543695,6.707106796116508,83.66677669902916,66.03883495145632,9.599223300970877,31.76504854368932,7.908726449838941,1.9605335922330105,773,23,171,7,10,249,120,206,0.11,0.815,0.07400000000000001,-0.8381,1,2,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,4,1,11,10,2,0,9,0,19,2,0,2,0,23,33,15,3,1,6,1,2,3,3,0,2,2,2,0,7,6,0,1,6,1,0,5,5,5,0,1,6,4,37,5,21,27,6,28,0,3,0,0,11,12,0,3,12,118,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831857371151708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143985492831057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260318540534525,0.0,0.0,0.27757274885407696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498530546730527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307286975045865,0.0,0.15752464812878794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349000318526065,0.21686466157101167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345311488132304,0.0,0.15859854874376214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224865395995724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341483284183873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224574952834859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903872378756664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616417429179319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853476702304832,0.1643639624100406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605608097034004,0.2997307260143217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443784273274674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33204741720827824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412037426974167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451018989150468,0.14912399868331708,0.0,0.08850468419185592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304929217246482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310899956804334,0.0,0.12523516773126134,0.0895243283794827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774194625208577
suicidewatch,Orionsz,2018/03/23,I’m done being alive. I’m 17 and I’m currently a senior in high school. I haven’t been happy in forever and my depression has gotten a point where I wish it wouldn’t have. My school has already had 2 suicides this month alone and I feel like I’m going to be the 3rd one. I’ve gotten to the point where I no longer care if people feel sad if die. I’ve tried to express my suicidal thoughts and feelings to my friends but they keep telling me to quit playing or they’ll joke about it. I do have some friends who will tell me everything will get better as time goes on but everything is getting worse as time goes on. I know I haven’t lived my life to the fullest but I just want my pain to end. The only thing that’s stopping me from committing suicide is my sister and father are in Europe and I don’t want to ruin my sisters birthday gift. My father owns an AR-15 I’m thinking about using it on myself very soon. ,3.637273814268632,4.2328624922279845,4.506735751295338,89.19413312076527,71.74611398963731,7.3892387405340765,26.7632522917497,7.321109707123232,1.1608002391390992,723,23,159,7,13,234,114,193,0.16399999999999998,0.679,0.157,-0.7615,1,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,2,2,6,12,0,0,7,0,20,2,0,1,1,28,42,14,4,6,7,4,3,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,6,2,0,1,5,4,0,1,6,3,24,8,19,30,2,20,0,3,0,0,12,11,0,4,9,96,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136509816037187,0.14544965429465648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657045824627825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438357463111647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352310936436699,0.0,0.13679236616336996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348818679969798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673975445632805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369149524249039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999330990503373,0.0941612330067339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366381494117525,0.0,0.13772492756180274,0.0,0.07490759196101407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403084482387007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925879711201206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171539850717104,0.0,0.0,0.07243636150342751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309748733117056,0.06439307014718865,0.0,0.11638587710485405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520517471223877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931420849860623,0.10024333810151044,0.1402493879571123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137671431134124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491959011638319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019041689048473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667865850444678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019454792361348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325185209227125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040606090027144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756511996615972,0.08445506603002134,0.0,0.104638130162189,0.15371264511249833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948667192836449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383685602529718,0.0,0.10875259919209428,0.15548353675043625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156878593829595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343201483967193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cra123456,2018/03/23,"Mom attempted suicide 1year ago my father successfully killed himself after we tried to get him help at an impatient program after his first attempt. My mother tried to slit her wrist the same way he did. She is in an inpatient program now, i am literally reliving my worst nightmare and cant stop thinking that she will just kill herself when she comes out. I have talked with her and she seems to want to get better, how do i cope with this situation when i am still suffering with the ptsd of finding my father dead? ",6.611515151515151,7.113280202020199,6.697525252525253,76.43295454545456,65.16161616161617,9.832323232323233,33.671717171717184,9.725611199111238,3.1643050505050514,416,17,76,8,6,133,74,99,0.226,0.6759999999999999,0.099,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,5,6,6,2,0,4,0,8,1,1,1,0,16,14,5,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,19,2,13,12,2,14,0,1,0,0,18,3,0,1,9,57,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909615199303699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052616102181685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556981068601114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968948106145532,0.18324064005369006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510164341912814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439502967940904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766723268610336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523034938472644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182063367732554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611509152737008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24214704985078964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720389133959332,0.18010518700256548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23564030030129804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315068645326218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380358261571624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925192595384588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706341642995556,0.17099456651481632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NervousMilk,2018/03/23,"Intense visualization of suicide I'm wondering if this has happened to anyone else....

I'm under a great deal of stress, unemployed and just got out of a relationship of two years, had a stressful day with bad news but was feeling ok. I was coming home on the subway, listening to 'happy' music (seriously, like the day-o song) and started crying- then the last few stops I couldn't stop visualizing me killing myself and how I would do it. I even felt the warmth of the water. Knew what I would write and everything. I feel ok now. It's passed and my ESA helped me through it but I've never experienced something so intense in terms of seeing and feeling. 

Anyone else experience this?",3.6237435897435937,5.982518169230772,4.882692307692313,79.35147435897437,75.0,7.410256410256411,27.756410256410252,8.344100000000001,2.129487179487179,542,22,99,10,12,179,91,130,0.14800000000000002,0.682,0.17,0.0757,2,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,2,8,2,8,1,0,1,1,28,22,12,2,4,4,0,4,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,6,9,1,2,6,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,6,8,10,5,14,13,2,16,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,11,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099285576208427,0.3076222295747181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534020901148302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931124912251454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648948763352144,0.1936242144192764,0.1547625344384579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508045494162242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914990111922907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491417155077726,0.14684180706593794,0.0,0.0,0.22770878872666986,0.0,0.1441344636181466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006111395037455,0.16550291734903574,0.0,0.0,0.1327466799029715,0.1598007881051714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006192849251772,0.0,0.15057813042778853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660806081028738,0.0,0.0,0.12236420411428535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333887222903562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157783619567066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611679152130354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962265314029427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155662798471187,0.0,0.0,0.10625255477008468,0.0,0.0,0.2510066332303637,0.3439136972087593,0.0,0.0,0.16420204053084314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664107396560713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279390410002306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327555103793125,0.0,0.0,0.0966694886831865
suicidewatch,656E64206974,2018/03/23,"bye from the monster just a casual bye. already taken the opiates and alcohol. feel liberating and fiery.

sorry if this hurt anyone but i could not take it anmorre",2.8870000000000005,5.9295747000000025,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,85.33333333333334,7.0,27.5,8.07648339933343,2.728,131,6,20,3,4,44,27,30,0.166,0.7879999999999999,0.046,-0.3919,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,4,4,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126776160501641,0.0,0.0,0.4261268518627229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700055175828756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30830987797379644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524937453359573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133822645066012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43226404550493136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29033723676209555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Human0196,2018/03/23,"HUMAN dilemas Living just cause i am alive. 22, with no reasons to live, but i still do. My fear is coming back. I've heard that maybe the so called light at the end of the tunnel is you being born again. I wish that is not true i just want to no longer exist, have no feelings, human interaction, thoughts . I just want to be nothing. Can i please just be nothing. I wake up, go to work, do my stupid job with stupid people, have to endure not blowing up in someones face  (i never do i just bite my tongue, smile, nod, and walk away), go to the gym see all this people do weird looking workouts for no actual logical reason (but i just go and do the same weird looking workouts), go home and think of all the wrong things i did and said that day and tell myself i'm so stupid. Then daydream of things i know will never happen. Sleep and do it all over again. We all have a routine it might be different from mine but we all have them. I am just tired of this circle... (FYI I have no plan of actually committing suicide) this is just how this 22 year old human feels. How do I get a reason to live if I don't really want to? Dreams? Passion? Love? How do you get any of this thing? 

You might see me and I look like I have a good life friends and family who love me and whom I love back. I only do all this things cause i was thought to do, I was told to say I love you, I was thought to who I say this and when. I was thought to be who I am today not because I actually think this is me but because I know nothing else. I dont know who I am. All i know is I am human and need a job to get money to buy food, water, and necessities to survive, friends to spend time with and to look normal to the people around you, a family that you have to love because they are your so called blood. The only thing i know i like is sleeping, this is something we all have to do because if we dont we might go insane, but I enjoy doing this one the most.",1.2389172749391726,2.7807955133819995,2.901916058394161,94.5916088807786,79.26763990267641,5.637226277372262,20.175790754257907,6.286939319323684,-0.0809508515815085,1480,36,348,11,36,489,171,411,0.123,0.722,0.155,0.9748,3,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,5,7,2,3,21,20,3,1,14,0,52,15,5,8,12,86,95,28,1,8,18,0,2,2,2,4,2,4,1,4,26,23,2,0,17,4,3,7,13,7,0,1,12,13,58,13,38,74,10,30,0,0,6,6,39,7,0,6,18,250,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.20684497272853586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804729070586728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628972330990745,0.0,0.0,0.06638196309374414,0.10865746399691018,0.0,0.17228062068773195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429171127362042,0.0,0.0,0.14516268785276792,0.0,0.0608623521856631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556612518100927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381861925703014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165612433304604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590225325326281,0.0,0.06257866538248648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332130163048153,0.07950563767876921,0.07144979053406703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543536020085267,0.0,0.10917454628099567,0.0,0.11074173742512174,0.0,0.20077210003425847,0.059261405434752064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247929115646787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087194090029968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022681739930498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414855072971676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990516328203392,0.06903616353243862,0.0,0.1871669053745484,0.0,0.23732699177186065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188409488905565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098165800600119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485887797959656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238920698666781,0.1089857763915355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922613179527996,0.20338388160904586,0.0,0.07413971590054094,0.0,0.047877126293141184,0.10747143235125826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469482145633515,0.0,0.0,0.07755711370247698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526290090641637,0.21793290896163575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720834045285999,0.11237413914597526,0.0,0.0,0.11260452735879402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141048617205945,0.0,0.05986508916816133,0.054393068449739415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642454932746986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077284246252422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061754900266510336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346976129536719,0.09054473930602004,0.0,0.2243662260269125,0.0411990423842737,0.08120662930945162,0.06697193676669466,0.0675131325983829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250210641281291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124886318148494,0.0,0.0,0.05143711179503026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724929530235264,0.0,0.04549899955161504
suicidewatch,jokerquinn97,2018/03/23,"I wish ending it was as easy as going to sleep and not waking up So tired of being here, just wish I didn't exist.",1.0115384615384642,1.8242855384615453,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,78.23076923076924,5.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.3425538461538462,88,0,21,0,2,31,23,26,0.105,0.623,0.272,0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,5,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29994616081885106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246438138857405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388977071306082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892319618121231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7788687864539495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressed_cuckl0rd,2018/03/23,"Please listen I just want to vent please, thanks for caring enough to read this. Things started getting worse 2 months back and I think I've tried to kill myself 3 times now, all 3 times going up to the 11th floor of a building where it's easy to jump off. I don't know why I never went through with it, but things are really bad now. 

My exams are on right now and I know I'll fail the shit outta all of them. I just zone out and imagine myself dying all the time, it's pretty much all that I think about now. I have only told 1 person about this, a close friend of mine (crush too perhaps) and she's been my rock for the past 2 months. She picked up on the fact that I was going to kill myself last Friday and told everything to my parents, who pretty much staged an intervention and talked me out of it, even though I downplayed all of it. 

There's been distance between her and I past couple weeks due to other circumstances, and it sucks because she was my rock and someone I really depended on. And I know she wants to help but I'm just insecure that she might be getting tired of me and also worried because of her anxiety issues.

Now with her seldom presence and my shit getting really worse I think this 4th time will be the final one, I just can't take it anymore, every second that I don't spend fantasising about my death is just shit. Part of me doesn't want to do this because of the effect it'll have on her and my parents (who do not get it at all), but I guess I won't have to stick around to watch that.

Thanks if you made it this far, it means a lot.",3.3375947347427237,4.16307944342508,4.136433984842444,90.7291184682888,72.6085626911315,6.910198111953199,22.47427203829278,6.8959733430537185,0.43480837654567184,1226,27,273,10,23,393,161,327,0.131,0.733,0.13699999999999998,-0.2118,2,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,1,1,2,21,13,6,1,11,0,22,4,3,4,8,55,51,19,4,4,10,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,26,19,0,0,9,3,1,4,7,9,0,2,8,2,43,4,41,37,11,41,0,1,1,0,22,16,4,5,20,191,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594215211555376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264669845206549,0.0,0.09417812011909436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845375098119685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302095001789173,0.07929042585659148,0.17366631977506816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682145847387608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050751342198852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855695858951524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812251994864042,0.0,0.0627223932797365,0.0,0.08001071329572579,0.0,0.08534693057173959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402770189282627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733684442279758,0.0,0.19845771168606832,0.0,0.10793971397680067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461282999223592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365192793297562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991170591823241,0.0,0.0,0.210125740923124,0.0,0.15656811153940314,0.07740780018115094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073443938993903,0.0,0.08985661248025123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344292138490284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074110135372596,0.0,0.0,0.1515976708105711,0.0,0.13961796934409915,0.0,0.07324158541721296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643496197583107,0.07222390254106817,0.0,0.0,0.21089111134917826,0.10283604775051436,0.18130651489318775,0.0,0.08291832932288362,0.0,0.2084824701361173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322372215313527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498904271481397,0.0,0.1825078500734861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109817714865293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29243552474645845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046213344513999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672155438587069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140061656844568,0.07632793898888589,0.0,0.1748589773802439,0.0,0.0,0.12617885258427095,0.18254602969850106,0.0933010036049632,0.0,0.2214955589107142,0.10914639458354283,0.0,0.1814830900584244,0.0,0.06447387721200948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803552262444396,0.0,0.07617386668495278,0.0,0.0,0.08803197154940405,0.08568964761405591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964398857520362,0.1935515215441592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nolamore,2018/03/23,"After very careful reflection over many months I have decided with certainty and clarity that suicide is what I want. For me, this reality is simply not worth living in. I'm going this afternoon. I remember when I was about five years old and first encountered the idea of dying. It terrified me, the world was so beautiful and full of life and things to do, I was full of wonder and potential. The idea of growing up, making friends and getting a good job with a loving wife and vacations seemed inevitable and exciting. Neither of my parents went to college and they had a fairly nice little house with a garden and a car. 

The world is not like that. The world is brutal and dark, full of corruption and inequality and ultimately lonely. Adults are not the wise and just people I imagined as a child. Most are ignorant and all are selfish to some degree, often to an extreme. 

You don't have anyone. Not *really*. Ok- perhaps you have your mother, or your father if you are lucky. I don't have experience of that myself but I can imagine there is, for some, a biological bond that affords them that unconditional luxury. But your wife? Your husband? Your best friend? You can put everything you have into a relationship and be left out of nowhere if they happen to 'change'. Everyone thinks 'no, not *my* wife', 'not *my* husband' but I've seen it happen a thousand times. The sweetest people have got up and abandoned their spouses when they didn't do anything wrong.

And heaven-forbid you stray from the expected path. Whether it be through illness, unforeseen family crisis or rebellion. Get sick and can't work for a couple of years after college? Congratulations, no employer will want to know you when you get better because they could just hire someone who wasn't as unfortunate! 

Here's the reality of the world. 

My mom was murdered when I was 11 by a group of thugs who stole her purse. My dad became a rage-fuelled alcoholic who was not fit to be around children and ultimately ended up abusing me on a daily basis. He refuses to acknowledge this. I can't be around him in public because he's loud and obnoxious and an embarrassing overt racist and homophobe who will take any opportunity to humiliate me. 

I have anxiety and ptsd from my childhood. I have attempted to overcome this with medical help for many years. It can only work to a degree and meeting new people is a horrible struggle. I can read books at home for days and learn a thousand interesting things but I can never think of what to say when in a conversation with someone I don't know extremely well. 

While I was getting to this stage of 'health', trying all kinds of medications and therapies, I had to take a year out before college, one year out during college and a year out after college to focus on my health. College took all of my efforts to complete but I achieved that with a decent grade in a fairly useless course where I studied a bit of everything, the only redeeming feature is that it happened to be at an Ivy League school.

The sweetest, kindest, most level headed girl I've ever met who constantly told me how lucky she felt to have me and how she couldn't wait to get married, a girl who convinced me to travel the world with her instead of get internships during summer vacations, got a *mortgage* with me and made me a part of her family just ended things without a second thought, without a discussion or an argument, moving straight onto the next boyfriend, a guy 7 years older than me who is infinitely richer and more successful. She won't even hug me now because that would be 'cheating' on her new guy. A week after we broke up her boyfriend came to our apartment- *MY* home that I am paying for and refused to leave. I have never been in a fight in my life but watching someone I put so many years into disrespect me so much put me over the edge and I pushed him out of my front door. They then filed a police report so I have been charged with assaulting someone.. it is like a joke, there is zero compassion on this cold planet. 

I am working as a waiter to pay my rent and barely able to put food into my mouth in terms of groceries so eat leftovers in the restaurant to not go to bed starving. She was the only thing I had that made me really happy. The only person who could stop my panic attacks reliably. 

I have a couple of friends who can distract me for a while and make me laugh, but that's what they are. Distractions. Spending time with them doesn't fulfil me like spending time with her did, although I am grateful to have them and would be there through thick and thin if they needed me, which honestly they don't. 

I've travelled the world. I've been to an Ivy League school. I've given a relationship 100% of my energy only to have it collapse. And now I'm left with few friends and a hellish time making them, incredibly lonely at home, struggling to feed myself and pay the bills in a crappy job working alongside 17 year olds who think I'm joking and refuse to believe me when I tell them where I studied like I'm a delusional psycho. 

I went out to the park this afternoon and looked at the leaves and the insects and the birds, I thought about the countries I've seen and all the things that should fill me with wonder. It just doesn't cut it anymore. The reality of the world I have found myself in is not a kind or forgiving one. ",5.174836362652819,6.434408449853947,5.759868954884782,79.17273213512931,68.6884128529698,8.665633452342314,30.524843124526672,8.998388855275968,2.5641773341988525,4246,167,781,76,72,1374,428,1027,0.156,0.7340000000000001,0.109,-0.9946,9,4,1,0,1,1,102.0,2,13,14,12,35,55,8,6,73,1,83,16,2,7,7,161,135,80,3,13,30,11,3,4,4,6,9,2,7,8,47,71,4,7,22,7,8,18,28,22,1,9,34,10,112,33,128,85,19,127,1,5,4,2,94,57,0,17,55,576,159,27,0.054259248797700776,0.06428833728725282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057986635673485526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036898149811359214,0.0,0.041508176816146235,0.0,0.05381059491223833,0.03793932834972543,0.0,0.04465073857288973,0.09660447011744737,0.0,0.06172772862686991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922780335281664,0.0,0.04617062434433503,0.06113159280223063,0.05694173408355847,0.047987896230482684,0.05923704666485832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620581257957584,0.05532092033862476,0.0,0.057399090708325315,0.0,0.056889790038980925,0.05863497199903631,0.0,0.08664319009941224,0.12007365353449967,0.0,0.03499272671885982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631253382140298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552075735636014,0.0,0.0,0.09611517887296554,0.0,0.0,0.03583772209971839,0.04908059693813848,0.0,0.051847037455227216,0.0975294283256282,0.053075956857701265,0.10230158163398544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209738783226407,0.0,0.0,0.04615288930897418,0.06561049902223817,0.059492465699641076,0.1676822441008699,0.0,0.1700893081733479,0.0,0.06167356299322516,0.04551008357888862,0.08679215588045966,0.0,0.0,0.10745037387333528,0.14394382355365748,0.05775997929178415,0.0,0.0,0.055685643060098114,0.11535008839018908,0.0,0.0,0.03636883073322144,0.0,0.16327935171847585,0.0,0.0,0.06260788812635386,0.0,0.12250417486828286,0.0,0.0,0.10768786418456333,0.0,0.0,0.1130053159692848,0.059638928274543174,0.0,0.0,0.11490542011943433,0.11790566515824245,0.0,0.076649824124879,0.1060333128881438,0.05438202171141343,0.04791191076388997,0.0,0.04556410344906284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897109046243494,0.10268282629227056,0.10865540970731152,0.16503108586505302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093209696023902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354777641241789,0.04330921472689588,0.05766899454463905,0.03988679101549301,0.040232545467050025,0.08369615529874411,0.10480784119919884,0.05770532665411152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387190845021825,0.0,0.07353494245143621,0.2063330186302179,0.0,0.06366153765585753,0.060248474640669576,0.058757478922714136,0.0,0.11284959371930164,0.04737708317336257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342615823880549,0.21818212618706964,0.0,0.0,0.05427393212101112,0.0,0.06951972833455568,0.0,0.0,0.11650825450345438,0.06146515167938073,0.0,0.0,0.043149132450712606,0.0,0.10982651309263004,0.0,0.04939558227055965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389474171349715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536316156320973,0.0,0.11344709557862195,0.0,0.05935081155224463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159240489808217,0.0,0.04742497502238955,0.0,0.06205017974059272,0.0,0.18023716958666067,0.10430140721137522,0.0,0.08615156545694001,0.12655601726103852,0.0,0.0,0.051847037455227216,0.06028402187092272,0.03683846826300613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476956274633257,0.0640070214990906,0.0,0.04352349651808125,0.0,0.0487855809429522,0.10059773447124153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460795919034976,0.11768368155302897,0.15800551739704172,0.0,0.0,0.07708842714397167,0.059323970800710814,0.0,0.3144705953973182
suicidewatch,blackbird1221,2018/03/23,"I can’t do this anymore.. I can’t keep living this lie that “I’m okay”, when I’m really not. I can’t keep smiling and laughing through the pain anymore. I know I am so lucky to have a loving husband and great support system, but I still wake up wanting to die every single day. I can’t keep fighting these demons, they’re wearing me down to nothing but an empty, numb shell... And I don’t even know how to ask for help anymore. I’m literally saying I don’t feel safe at home and I should probably be in the hospital, but no one hears me.. so I just continue to drown.. I can’t do this anymore ",0.9404761904761898,2.7541515396825424,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,81.22222222222223,5.787301587301588,23.99206349206349,6.816661863887847,0.7512349206349209,458,17,102,5,12,156,77,126,0.14400000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.173,0.1546,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,0,4,1,13,5,2,1,0,20,27,11,2,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,5,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,0,3,14,7,11,25,1,9,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,4,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6244984193101714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717235547671606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152695096068656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633836627162923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397859770670012,0.0,0.1326384618791342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959947604593393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173563070341612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743090074251194,0.0,0.10551954193267264,0.0,0.1579114317860026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41978323176234605,0.0,0.0,0.17303477362380118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901032216322076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420833974961805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105479704706598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667614667679047,0.0,0.16751270075103988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973219601145265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085132985104886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251917259696877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572086017391715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864551903323245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928541205875128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dr_zevon,2018/03/23,"3 years homeless, so depressed I can barely force myself to move. I'm just tired. I've been trying for entirely too long. Everything inevitably falls apart due to my own stupidity. I'm tired of dragging myself out of a tent, the woods, or a shelter. I can't function, my brain is sluggish and unresponsive. I'm only getting more depressed as it goes. I just want to fall asleep on the railroad tracks and wait.",2.8840822784810136,5.392276189873421,3.795427215189875,85.43972310126584,78.2405063291139,5.975316455696203,27.59651898734177,7.1686216300943375,1.5707835443037976,325,14,60,4,8,104,60,79,0.242,0.742,0.016,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,4,4,2,0,0,8,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,9,9,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29527761819479736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556394898984834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377221005410765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819414410847364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23408063185011224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811293935502554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011697164305737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080244482858178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795830900794156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560132552950002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033402528325073
suicidewatch,ezrackjohandir,2018/03/23,I'm not doing too well. Things have taken quite a negative turn and I was hoping I could talk to someone about it. Thank you in advance.,1.2355952380952395,3.4985608928571463,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,82.92857142857143,5.161904761904762,20.047619047619047,6.42735559955562,0.1969619047619049,107,3,22,1,3,35,26,28,0.187,0.643,0.17,-0.1298,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,3,3,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29350970915452623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651234540110195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39100253058928897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31147798282499656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954740503575796,0.0,0.3384493998681675,0.0,0.0,0.2442262763571752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998582553385121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33052895806516785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FjotraTheGodless,2018/03/23,"I can’t continue on. It’s over. I posted here once before I think, but recently my depression has gotten much more serious.
Recently I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and while I’ve started getting treatment for it, I’ve really started to decline in mental health at an alarming rate. My mood swings have been much more severe, One hour I’m excited to go home and take a walk outside or hang out with a friend, or play a video game. The next I’m thinking about ways to kill myself.
It has reached a peak today because I realized I have a plan, well several ways to kill myself.
-I could drink the chemicals under our kitchen sink
-I could ask my dad if he wanted to do some target practice and then use the shotgun to blow my brains out
-I could overdose on sleeping pills
I’ve been sleeping a lot lately, the weekends I could be having fun with friends are spent sleeping. My parents know I have problems but they think I’m just a lazy teenager when it comes to my grades. I do my best to work on my studies, but I can’t focus on anything. I’ve lost interest in so many aspects of my life I just don’t see how I can continue. I’m terrified of hospitalization. If I am hospitalized, I will do everything I can to end my life. I’m sick of being a no good fuckup who can’t get good grades, can’t even stay in class because of her anxiety and falling so far behind in work. I can’t take it anymore and I want some advice. I have tried to get help but it just isn’t helping me. I’ve been on so many different medications, many of which make me gain weight and I have no self esteem whatsoever. I’m a fatass bitch who’s too fat do do things I enjoy like cosplay, I get bullied a lot at school, I try not to listen to them but they make fun of me for having a potbelly. I want to exercise but I’m too busy trying to keep up with my work and my grades. I hate who I am and wish I could just start over and end it all. I’ve also thought about running away, and living in the woods. I just want to be happy again, and not just intermittently. I want my life back. I hate depression so much and going through every day feeling like you are just going through the motions is not the life I want to live. I’d rather not live at all.",3.007007096575129,4.2120343412527035,4.452944153039186,86.69871274298059,73.83801295896328,7.537648873804381,26.83548287565566,8.052868069273773,1.5397545078679418,1752,63,375,26,35,584,222,463,0.162,0.6759999999999999,0.162,-0.7769,2,0,1,1,0,4,43.0,1,1,3,7,24,27,5,1,19,0,42,19,5,4,2,72,87,31,2,16,22,2,2,2,2,1,12,1,2,1,12,19,4,1,7,6,1,9,13,11,1,1,8,4,57,15,53,70,12,54,0,3,1,0,20,21,1,8,22,248,69,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333462329369236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001470153187635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574104078357293,0.0,0.07442601522775441,0.0,0.0,0.06175691895576073,0.0,0.07015839676208548,0.0,0.07050870717326421,0.05770616711295815,0.0,0.09149536462596916,0.0,0.06385908938808033,0.0,0.07875672764646978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837767728282479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464596056122683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995928309395753,0.0,0.0,0.04839881840901539,0.0,0.12927497271947505,0.07617067184571402,0.0,0.07840767531653682,0.0860098517693344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351705167777968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293794239005402,0.0,0.0,0.049567540650160107,0.0,0.06322995785646231,0.0,0.06744700304425097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794579222704823,0.053613272647016055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596156178192545,0.0,0.1568349065933198,0.0,0.1279520570057766,0.1258909766369594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988845143481968,0.0,0.14818586882514131,0.0,0.07977097678489431,0.0,0.0,0.10060424547920199,0.0,0.07527781184601702,0.0,0.07390573798835598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670482472213246,0.16605578423004516,0.0,0.0412436230371298,0.0,0.08465578087988994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120303998432656,0.07332791035420624,0.0,0.19880244434687055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192217802463163,0.1276037917903091,0.0,0.0,0.10018831409989433,0.2282562779630561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756015071159332,0.07562927455269496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550355484901982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981286078115207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992212997192498,0.05085348671194409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333031623918409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187385324380795,0.0,0.0,0.07180941621551942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048076743697924015,0.0,0.14819883532967373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595111844771878,0.0598023866416302,0.0,0.07828992209975688,0.16956248807305535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253022529626193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593550099888537,0.07998964051808778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285133679190484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049857595330964434,0.14426040325423944,0.0,0.059578580510497324,0.0,0.0,0.07113535753139326,0.0,0.0,0.15285505044394587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481612659985989,0.0,0.0,0.2655864090265471,0.11913692170333375,0.0,0.09138648421673888,0.06747586411331821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629983259358913,0.0,0.0,0.16390435372960666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ofthesunshine,2018/03/23,"I honestly just want to die so badly I'm insignificant to everyone around me.
I'm completely dispensable. 
No one gives a shit if I'm here or not.
Everyone can throw me away. My significant other for almost 4 years threw me away over text, blocked me, and I'm so fucking stupid I let it happen AGAIN. AGIAN. I fucking hate myself what's the point of exisitng",1.3544444444444466,3.968099718309862,3.4415962441314574,84.4390453834116,87.02816901408451,7.662597809076682,23.381846635367765,8.515128840125781,2.054585602503913,284,11,56,8,9,96,54,71,0.322,0.604,0.07400000000000001,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,5,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,13,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,0,9,1,8,11,0,9,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,3,2,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127066643759458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890976962874298,0.0,0.0,0.3991487598919168,0.0,0.17736075856126016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271698660668807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204570948898995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059503801508191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39275536775576597,0.0,0.20377139213907705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878411726752653,0.0,0.0,0.2097195089314071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172125331275407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439404221905041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008043503079628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180447636603713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529006470386966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679069133360347
suicidewatch,WaggyTails,2018/03/23,"I've been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, a lot more than usual. Self-worth is at an all time low, and I think I need to go to the hospital. While there are still one or two things that keep me from drinking myself numb and ending it, it still feels like I am closer than ever to doing it. I don't know how bad it needs to be for me to consider hospital, but also, I don't know a lot of other things. How do I check myself in? What happens when I do? Being poor and with no insurance, would this load me down even further with bills I can't pay? How long would it take? 

Please help me.",2.6853980752405917,3.3995577322834656,3.9432545931758547,91.92482064741907,74.03937007874016,6.904286964129485,21.197725284339455,6.937597516519254,0.2579210848643916,460,9,107,4,9,151,86,127,0.11,0.799,0.092,-0.5008,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,0,5,0,14,2,0,3,2,25,25,11,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,5,1,1,5,1,4,1,4,4,0,2,1,1,15,1,16,20,5,17,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,4,11,85,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579882858921244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417861707853762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635139797991666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504032877847516,0.0,0.0,0.1121594173515081,0.15360494008320574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858621971415757,0.12131393536018502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650823888951944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016444903319132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138215998618336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509369675645726,0.18787214135294655,0.0,0.1866487894551118,0.0,0.19155566191873846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296170833830571,0.0,0.0,0.15027853477012568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43310501443038585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182732572100874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150692038598426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864029029806206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715125527768796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712246315498896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276777102101188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256314826001027,0.2176177200329027,0.0,0.0,0.09901891308011608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658819346274884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702424877707213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24125956021853254,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CLIMBFIFAMobile,2018/03/23,"What to do when a person is too shocked by someone else's suicide? The wife just met a customer that, after arriving, started talking incessantly, about a friend's suicide that literally just happened. My wife was cool about it, and listened to her, but once the customer left she was thinking what to do to help her.

I suggested that she could tell her to talk to the suicide hotline and see if there is something they can do to help her, but is that the right thing to do? 

My wife said she looked like out of it, and she was driving by herself. I am not sure it is a good idea to let someone drive like that in the morning rush hour.",7.622467191601054,5.857795354330706,7.159488188976378,81.4327230971129,63.960629921259844,9.726509186351707,38.48950131233596,7.793537801064563,2.8424918635170613,498,22,104,4,6,156,74,127,0.111,0.754,0.136,0.5599,0,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,9,1,15,0,0,0,1,14,23,7,3,2,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,5,14,6,17,16,0,11,0,0,2,0,24,4,0,1,6,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432050439631954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053723407798566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997653699092282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411060090105442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876804483828485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255263077356987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567579359701687,0.0,0.0,0.18991478199363196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827858415308524,0.17202982395994446,0.0,0.1643804672197182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412734999859088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791628453956954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689472309066362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367021589424694,0.16002827850524912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406006266264092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850868537324944,0.1295141205388827,0.0,0.0,0.11907631018547557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520593783457071,0.0,0.15855778051306424,0.0,0.0,0.2704389138906384,0.1470432138678475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176664895218108,0.10779702832427512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seroton1n,2018/03/23,"A case for suicide from an idealist I don’t think I have depression, it’s not that bad. I’d kill myself but my feelings are not really severe enough for a mental illness. I have a bad case of a hybrid pessimism that caught its root too deep into my flesh. 

I just don’t see the point. Happiness never comes. It’s a human construct, idealisation of one’s existence, to think it is possible to wake up happy. To live this fulfilling, rich life where although it has its downs is a happy life, to live without pain, without this ever present aching sadness in your heart. I’ve watched my idealisation break, and I can’t describe the pain I feel. 

I feel like life has cheated me. I was promised the sky but I am left buried in dirt, and I will be for the rest of my life. I’ve waited my entire life. I’ve chased and hoped and got nothing in return. Because what I got, double was taken from me. As many times I’ve laughed, I’ve wept and screamed a thousand more. 

I’m tired. And exhausted. I just want a break from my thoughts. Just a breath of fresh air, so I don’t have to deal with this agony for a day. I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve given myself a deadline. If I see that this life is really what I believe it is, if I really see that by 4 years from now nothing has changed I’ll kill myself. 

And I’m fine with it. I would kill myself now even and if somebody gave me a gun right now the least I can say is I would be torn between either decision. Because I am an idealist and an optimist at heart. I love life. As much as I hate it and wish to die in present, I would love to prove myself wrong. I would like to believe the illusion I used to believe, that one day I will be living in a dream come true, rich, successful, happy, surrounded by people I love with kids and a big loving family, my work stimulating and me the best version I can be. The image we all sell ourselves, don’t we?

But I’ve lost all hope I once had for “tomorrow”. I’ve been sad before for long periods of time. I’m no stranger to this. 

But it’s never been like this, after a certain event in my life that I cannot talk about, I’ve seen the world come to an end. I don’t want to wake up anymore. I’m tired of everything I used to love. I lose more and more energy everyday trying to maintain this facade of the person I used to be. Even when I’m happy for a split second, the illusion always breaks and I suddenly feel empty again, back to zero. What I’ve witnessed and the event I experienced, I don’t believe this world is good. It can only harbor evil and suffering. It wouldn’t let such abominations exist.

I cry for the dreams and illusions I once had about existence. I am sad to see it torn. It breaks my heart and I can never make it whole again and that’s why I’ll commit suicide. 
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suicidewatch,Kiherfina,2018/03/23,"Help!? How do I get out of this feeling?? I’ve had some form of depression for at least the last 7-8 years but I seem to have high functioning depression. My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago now. He said I love you first, he brought up moving in and marriage and kids first and he brought it up even a month before we broke up. He wasn’t cheating technically but when he broke up with me he said that he never loved me and that he didn’t care he was hurting me when he texted his ex once. (Long story but I know he was being honest when he said he only texted her once). I’m afraid of my reaction now. Its been 3 weeks since the initial breakup and I’m still having very vivid suicidal thoughts. I’ve looked up methods 24/7, I’ve tried journaling my feelings before I noticed I was just ruminating, I’ve tried going outside and talking with my family, I’ve seen my therapist 3x a week since it happened and she’s recommending hospitalization. This can’t be a normal reaction to a breakup. Yes, this is the first breakup where I was fully in the relationship and genuinely thought I was going to be with him for the rest of my life but how is it that he’s gone now and I don’t give a single care in the world about the rest of my life. I try to hard to write down things I should be living for but I don’t care about any of them. I’ve removed him from my social media because it just hurts but even that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about him. Day and night it’s all I do. I’m either googling how to kill myself and sometimes googling how to feel better before feeling like it’s impossible and go back to finding ways to kill myself or I’m googling why he did this. He’s a decent guy from a decent family and for the most part he’s been a good ex. That’s why this breakup is so hard for me to accept. We were a good team! We would have disagreements but we never fought or purposely said hurtful things to one another, we would always talk it out. He treated me very well and would always be there for me. I look at these things online saying it’s better to be broken up if the relationship was bad for me but it doesn’t apply because this relationship was the best one I’ve ever had in my life and I don’t understand why it’s over. I can’t take care of myself. I can’t work and took this week off, I can’t sleep for more than 3 hours consecutively, I can’t eat or drink (118lbs to 110 this past week. I met with my primary doctor to get antidepressants and weighed 118 just last Wednesday and now I’m 110). I’ve talked to the national suicide hotline a bunch of times and when I talk it’s like they aren’t even listening to what I’m saying. Someone please help me. I feel like I’ve tried all the standard “get better” things and nothing is helping and I’ve gotten to the point where the only thing stopping me from killing myself is the fear that it won’t be successful and I’ll live life as a vegetable. 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suicidewatch,gubloid13,2018/03/23,"the end is near i feel so unbelievably alone. i dont have anyone or anything anymore. my once grand dreams of becoming something more than myself have withered and died. i feel so lost and im trying desperately to find something, anything. but i dont even know what it is that im looking for. i dont have anything left to live for. ive lost what little motivation i had to get out of here. im sorry. i dont know if ill actually kill myself. but i feel like its inevitable. i feel like im going to die soon, and ill be the one to end it. its not like im leaving anything behind.

it almost feels nice, being able to put all this out there. like im telling an actual person or something.",0.06895833333333456,2.3460657569444483,2.5258333333333347,91.2025,89.34722222222223,4.866666666666667,20.5,6.42735559955562,0.2786416666666671,535,18,115,6,18,183,81,144,0.153,0.6659999999999999,0.181,0.5215,0,1,3,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,1,0,3,0,13,2,0,1,1,22,25,10,3,1,6,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,9,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,3,6,13,6,15,20,2,10,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,4,7,70,22,1,0.0880019596120946,0.0,0.17175443629223097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881212506947839,0.09114349015573672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727429710324784,0.061533016308254,0.0,0.2896724580313867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719125042873256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266428071948573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41255056504391613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588723170171095,0.0,0.0,0.05812446435754062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224821747145309,0.12573723506100667,0.0,0.0,0.08043219679553325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597739175038225,0.0,0.050013541653508464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703433055589008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097361129735731,0.0,0.09672715110547853,0.0,0.0,0.09318136874933763,0.09561438660879948,0.0,0.0,0.17197324926316387,0.08820108247563226,0.07770734260811943,0.0,0.07389948221427718,0.0,0.192129068911932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371921491361862,0.059632405341771035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683991673946232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846627571449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032446236884249,0.0,0.09851098895918907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691759154435199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059747553976270074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TRkappa,2018/03/23,"I want to kill myself My story begins around 5 days ago when people I thought where my friends invited some random person into my house..... he did horrible things and told me to die because I am a piece of geek shit........ he destroyed my entire life and now I want to kill myself, nothing helps me anymore and I just want to end it by throwing myself in front of a van................................................






BITCH STOLE MY DICE AND BROKE MY KOBOLD D&D MINI.",3.905357142857145,4.975238821428572,4.620000000000001,86.875,71.5,6.552380952380951,25.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.9402047619047617,327,10,65,2,6,105,60,84,0.314,0.617,0.069,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,2,65.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,5,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,13,8,5,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,3,0,16,1,10,5,2,12,0,1,0,0,6,4,2,2,6,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691713985175426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228469743950086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091192263184292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877125878538451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853999911021805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598905476058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884228420013074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676184379816885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629120678320954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133688277264245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433073477029375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665768685535847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893862393252272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232853319348856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618570789772245,0.184117254131754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216447622886187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400878675259314,0.0,0.0,0.16740150098563006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148843136231254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731170089273443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,readytogo2018,2018/03/23,"All ready to go So I did it, I gathered everything I need to carry out my plan. I've bought the rope, I've taught myself all the needed nooses and knots and I've been doing all the research I need to know how I will hang myself.

I have an appointment with the doctor later today. I am going to ask him if I can get committed but if I get brushed off again as a not serious case I guess I'll just end it.

I've been feeling this way since I was 4 years old and I still feel this way 3 decades later. I guess there is no getting better, they say they'll get me help but then they fire me from my job and now I'm getting kicked out of my home in a few months. So much for the welfare state. I've tried communicating it with the psychiatric nurse I see regularly, I've tried communicating it with my psychiatrist, I've tried communicating it with the psychologist at the unemployment office (She even forgot one of my appointments and then never contacted me again), I've tried communicating it with my case worker at the welfare office.

I'm simply not mentally ill enough to be a serious case. I'm guessing getting committed to the closed psychiatric ward a few years ago means nothing. Even when I was committed the doctors forgot about me for weeks.

I did try to kill myself once when I was 18. I wish younger me had gone through with it, it would have spared me over a decade of suffering.

To be honest, for the first time in years I'm feeling a sense of excitement and joy. Not only do I know I have a way out but I have everything ready and prepared, I can go at any time I feel like it. I even have 2 backup plans that are very easy to carry out and one of them requires no tools at all.

I just wanted to share my enthusiasm with someone and I can't communicate my excitement with anyone I know, so I thought I would share it here.

I'll probably stick around for a few more days, if I decide to go I'll probably do it in the middle of Sunday night. Too many party people staying up late Fridays and Saturdays. I want zero risk of anyone interfering.",2.6070866560340207,4.410815229665076,4.267041467304627,85.1506791600213,76.12918660287082,7.515257841573633,24.05130249867092,8.344100000000001,1.424463902179692,1618,52,338,30,36,543,198,418,0.061,0.765,0.174,0.9921,3,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,4,6,20,13,1,1,22,0,28,3,0,1,8,68,67,25,1,11,11,0,5,1,0,4,3,1,1,0,14,24,0,3,10,0,1,6,7,5,0,4,14,8,54,8,49,47,10,56,0,1,1,0,13,17,0,6,29,222,68,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293143485162775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362104705415021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308325651275696,0.0,0.0,0.08328435938393962,0.08746189939595378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274236566651179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060335651638777715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915163347854008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286253306680029,0.09666799073259884,0.0,0.18537786439236267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681635632244888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892181814539631,0.06683617179056207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795783842122969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932737802309281,0.0,0.21267931716083724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30918627300318896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270837706530175,0.0,0.0938439404302626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283954221923987,0.0,0.10350546024943616,0.0,0.15424720811525833,0.0,0.10553484304538932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045706562680327585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948507403297654,0.0,0.10190952465369588,0.0,0.0,0.09428208607371476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467522361161552,0.0,0.06877416404370816,0.2081109769476384,0.07215588128044291,0.0,0.0,0.08779563560554259,0.0,0.08976916500257333,0.0,0.09817091212832213,0.09963370906007372,0.12679145316892831,0.07115328413055944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485970478883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173761850480948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439920429688948,0.0,0.0,0.07455173671977043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739019667945482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926939477574736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971787005674933,0.07471365929346385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742727322067152,0.10910609841298413,0.0,0.08867981269589349,0.0,0.0,0.3175907104754094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771932054219505,0.11036308723902497,0.2227803500633514,0.07504469557672894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758437513593748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291849254585672,0.0,0.0,0.18074030494938453
suicidewatch,mytwocats11,2018/03/23,"I'm still fighting but it's difficult So to sum it up I've finally been in treatment for what I actually have (bipolar) since last July...I ended up in the hospital where I'd end up getting 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions...and stopped fighting the whole thing. Things have actually been really good for me for about seven months when I hadn't been able to string together more than three or four in any given year for the past twenty or so. 

Now I'm under a lot of stress and what's going on IS situational, I know that intellectually but my brain screams it's never going to get better. I have my job woes...mostly due to the fact that I'm fighting a whole lot of paranoia. I'm fighting through anxiety and some depression too...more anxiety than depression. I'm worried about my husband's job too because there have been cutbacks at his work. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that I'm stuck doing things I don't want to do anymore...I just don't know what to do period. 

The paranoia especially but the anxiety also and to a smaller extent the depression....are making me want to quit....my life. I'm tired of things getting bad over and over and over again. I don't think I'm going to DO anything and if I get the least inkling that I might I'll have myself readmitted but I'm fighting the thoughts. I'm fighting them hard and the fight is tiring and I just want to give up. I want to lay down and rest and never have to get up again. ",2.868005050505051,4.417024693602696,4.41335437710438,85.46225378787881,74.7912457912458,7.374242424242425,26.179713804713806,8.07648339933343,1.5368946127946126,1142,41,238,18,24,382,144,297,0.242,0.722,0.036000000000000004,-0.9954,2,0,0,0,13,0,39.0,0,0,1,2,16,15,7,1,14,0,21,5,1,2,4,42,52,23,0,5,9,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,14,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,13,0,3,8,2,18,2,43,43,9,37,0,2,0,0,12,17,0,7,17,155,32,3,0.10996817355307974,0.0,0.21462614857612355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794150865999106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478212898544638,0.0,0.2523760553159361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049443693855187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181883154314363,0.0670355779102726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972579130388646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227608503437828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337235824692835,0.1894308534866488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947983229696955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046475892554105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28726915956250426,0.10549149248066253,0.1874923417433077,0.09223608657166776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850988355298858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182528877677782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208712645371631,0.08963873870236716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767377312579853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698201731145592,0.0,0.0,0.07340460976354285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665885401345172,0.0,0.0,0.0877755469724951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169628469533987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049770648146176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696468882374195,0.0,0.0,0.07044842787411874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096680954285744,0.12360883455951728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782072545117021,0.09193831713923084,0.12596817126137788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922318725011416,0.07046316529258073,0.0,0.08730244623696064,0.0,0.2527844770548598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466117134204668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594483117549525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555107716426386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005814006126791,0.11167801822532533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081589831998886
suicidewatch,sadwormdaddy,2018/03/23,"I'm running out of reasons to stay I've been pretty depressed lately and been thinking about dying a lot, mostly of the different ways i think i would like to do it and then plotting out situations of how i would do it. and normally this isn't too big of a deal for me but things have been kind of worse lately, like where part of me is very convinced that my suicide is inevitable and the rest of me is becoming okay with that. I've talked to my friends about it a little bit but i dont like to worry them, i had already worried them enough that for awhile they were trying to find me therapists to go to but i was so difficult about it that they stopped, and now things are even worse and i just really don't know what to do. I don't think all of me is completely ready to die yet, and I think that if i died my parents would be really sad",5.013426966292137,4.437782589887643,5.671101123595508,86.10732584269665,68.6067415730337,9.14247191011236,29.03595505617977,8.548686976883017,1.781216179775281,663,20,150,9,10,216,97,178,0.203,0.665,0.132,-0.9622,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,4,0,11,10,0,0,5,1,23,0,0,2,1,31,30,14,4,5,5,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,0,22,7,25,20,7,15,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,3,9,114,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321646964165024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332470240506605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179393277915236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126571623440935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445603614825547,0.1039751378276018,0.0,0.3758619334487113,0.1261257098149921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148182338659734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473504523193618,0.0,0.0797337916606536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033502145765138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326723584110473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860741607668548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571031014429468,0.06634403086049456,0.0,0.2723526851246062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693168504239115,0.12099219858778502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263101634925538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827903445368712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404421496167215,0.13072696333469666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281466953391446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546714247046482,0.1241192854932041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356932661546697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867044134979058,0.0,0.10092652828450713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320470433369026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702939679109887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016411736373705,0.16040074075401814,0.3094075622092486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196030834234333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960585605363266,0.0,0.09582116007357863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24519210305115435,0.2460460433258093,0.257266041026916,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zetra1448,2018/03/23,How to cope with suicidal pain You know the feeling? The complete agony you feel when all you want is to die and you know that for whatever reason you cannot. I can't stand it and I never know what to do to make it better. If anyone understands this pain or has any strategies I'd be keen to hear from you. ,1.4498974358974372,3.2687407846153853,2.7950000000000017,94.31916666666667,79.61538461538461,6.17948717948718,20.06410256410256,7.1686216300943375,0.25971794871794884,241,6,55,3,6,78,48,65,0.231,0.662,0.106,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,3,2,17,15,6,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,8,14,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950831930134174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400926689889028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074485770604962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245930889242866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343544788488874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720038809868266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643652986643782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867228545051766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657010693868104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090653775242752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4991751152567395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24116595350281894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565697263485761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244184429874732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138349110660038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Battered_Cervix,2018/03/23,I just wanted to say goodbye I come from a well off family from a nice town. I've fucked everything up every step of the way. I really wanna do this. I'm too lazy attempt to recover. It's beautiful tonight. I'm in the city and can see all the stars. I'll fuck around here for a few minutes until I've had my fill of this beautiful sky. Any questions for someone who's ready and completely okay with his choice? Much love.,0.7395454545454571,3.0200793181818213,2.7260909090909102,91.1916363636364,85.36363636363637,6.701818181818182,21.3,7.908726449838941,1.0813599999999997,332,11,72,7,10,111,67,88,0.107,0.67,0.223,0.8805,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,6,1,3,3,0,0,1,10,11,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,5,4,15,10,3,12,0,0,1,3,5,6,2,1,2,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715529684341538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457472390058192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730917664542526,0.2645014019585992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212549244559512,0.0,0.22672495808714954,0.0,0.2378186995085625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46644105140315206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276844768433857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544825241925866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28260131702265023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616112978767492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061606869511334,0.0,0.0,0.20102736953248265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137484466136456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879600460911574,0.20024102154767834,0.0,0.0,0.2268219753655945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atmosphereblues,2018/03/23,"I'm over it People are evil.
I hate myself and hate being me.
I can't do anything right, and the world is never going to get better.

Whats the point anymore?",-0.2794117647058805,1.816628411764708,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.41176470588232,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.1914470588235293,122,2,26,0,4,42,29,34,0.297,0.63,0.073,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194768521659048,0.0,0.0,0.2650942147994213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849071275792921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683051353577058,0.0,0.18307989160002788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360941770542541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484546424067701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233316879228191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30452693363838296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510625949085576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,istherehope44,2018/03/23,"Im finally gonna make the pain stop I have suffered with severe depression my entire life.
Life was hard, full of abuse, neglect, and hatred. Of me.
15 years ago, I was going to end it all.

Finally end the suffering.

Then I met......her.

She accepted me for who I was. And for the first time, I told someone about what had happened to me.

She accepted it, and loved me.

We were together for those 15 years.

The gift of 15 more years of life was great.

I appreciated her every day.

What I didn't know, was that inside, she was hurting. I was not physical, and had a hard time being affectionate.

I thought she knew how I felt, but in reality thought I hated her. Because I wouldn't touch her.

I thought I was doing everything right. I bought houses, cars, was a good dad, etc....but it meant nothing.

And she left me. 
For sex with another man.
Walked away from our house, our life, Everything.
For sex.

And I was all alone in the world again.

I was doing good, for a while.

Until she started feeding me hope. Saying we could be together again. If I would just be strong enough. Prove myself. Show that I can be there, 
Prove that I won't neglect her again. And that it'll take time, because I was withdrawn for so long, that even though we're talking now, it's only a matter of time before I withdraw again.

And I believed her.

And the hope hurt.

But I tried anyway.

Until yesterday, when I show up to get my kids, and there he is, sitting right in the living room.

The man.

In the house I bought.

She lied.

The hope was a lie. The belief was a lie.

And I see now, that who I am, all I was, even in my best, just brings pain. My very existence hurts those around me. To the point that they'd burn their own lives just to get away.

I tried so hard to love her. So hard. But everything I did, with the intent to show love and please, only hurt.

I gave my best, and my best hurt her.

She doesn't even believe that I loved her.

She gave me hope, that I could fix it and be better, then suddenly pulled it all away.

I can't take it anymore. I'm a disease. I destroy all of those around me. The best of everything I am, hurts and destroys.

If I truly love her, and others, then I need to leave this plane. So they no longer have to suffer through my existence.

And maybe, just maybe, if I give up the only thing I have left, my life, she'll finally believe that I loved her, and can't do it without her.

I have no family. No friends to turn to. No support.

I've tried calling the lines. They don't understand.

Wish u had someone to talk to, but I don't.

Most people post here, for attention, drama, or aren't serious.

This is different.

I'm done. And can't wait. I'm actually excited about the possibility of my pain, lifelong, finally being over.

I'm giving it 3 days.

If anyone cares to comment, or talk, I'm open.

But I don't expect it to help.

Be happy for me. I want a party, not a funeral. Because everyone should celebrate my final freedom.",0.07229748512357402,2.3848249749163912,2.04083785779438,94.26330951657042,90.22073578595315,5.3807409981323016,19.137471224427745,6.925212125942446,0.2808219780219781,2237,68,497,34,77,740,248,598,0.15,0.632,0.218,0.9957,1,1,1,0,1,1,131.0,4,0,4,7,28,46,3,0,26,0,58,17,0,3,7,86,107,43,1,17,18,1,6,0,1,7,8,1,1,3,32,27,1,4,14,4,2,5,18,19,0,1,33,8,96,27,55,57,14,65,1,12,1,8,55,22,0,11,36,343,128,0,0.0,0.06447115792490456,0.053099774681671784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823432815954594,0.0,0.0,0.05635602660924927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057057350645653426,0.0,0.0,0.05396361935943033,0.03804721871512691,0.0,0.0,0.09687919009889544,0.0,0.0,0.1533699617175528,0.0,0.0,0.0995099834658391,0.0,0.04630192254459326,0.1839163092433116,0.2284146509632583,0.0481243623168464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556231743991335,0.0,0.055478239789687835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868895825856789,0.0,0.0,0.07018447530955094,0.0,0.046866310114725834,0.0,0.0,0.056850577485458874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055683952719358436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638850742727316,0.05622374188824975,0.060685490828780025,0.10781890800049898,0.0,0.04584576196155845,0.051994478015177696,0.1956135573334853,0.0,0.05129625141821763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052245540328741416,0.29803691667883503,0.0,0.04628413707503843,0.0,0.0,0.042039773063057326,0.0,0.056857667146189075,0.10439686904356277,0.030924473919441132,0.0912790067187477,0.0,0.05999112998950217,0.0,0.0,0.04811772177368447,0.0579242348424868,0.1949754083659994,0.05372211447338341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647225497945116,0.0,0.0,0.2161797277687743,0.0,0.1883577899069071,0.3495049783745888,0.0,0.05877597044975115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029904263553122874,0.0,0.0,0.057616091810298226,0.11824096063789792,0.0,0.19216949467796707,0.0,0.0,0.09609632153156226,0.048154278667033715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946621151066337,0.0,0.036321466558467456,0.0,0.10933144751639892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040346957192831226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052211267911730364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415186819773635,0.17369955807768772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037723503647480484,0.0,0.0,0.05972973683968361,0.05143839192149772,0.06134310083453801,0.0521131387522953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293774725720537,0.0,0.043271838251509896,0.0,0.0,0.043360553694012184,0.0,0.0,0.06147182229232175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220884716302358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03851419012443158,0.0,0.0,0.04549216353266227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174785069929292,0.0,0.0,0.08182443416062718,0.13120664887589825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03614994418797468,0.0,0.05346103572702625,0.1295948398206616,0.12691591227078106,0.0,0.0,0.051994478015177696,0.0,0.110829684137753,0.059186316186749126,0.0,0.05664642361946536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489687666288485,0.032094521071000394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257289608494758,0.05245271958915836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038653824086122016,0.0,0.0,0.10512162482395428
suicidewatch,gingervixxen,2018/03/23,I think I'll just do it... Why not... ,-6.620000000000001,-6.696152444444442,-2.0349999999999984,117.66750000000002,129.0,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.3926,24,0,9,0,2,9,8,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789790217072396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8153424387476268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_acc13579,2018/03/23,"I’m a failure First of all, this is a throwaway account. I was recently hit by a car on Tuesday. I’ve been told he was speeding but I’m not so sure. After so long of being told I’m useless and terrible at everything I’m just so tired of living I feel like I’d commit suicide but it might hurt me. I hate pain. I’m stuck in hospital with a broken arm and leg and my bed is so uncomfortable I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of living.",-0.7307606679035246,1.1576608775510202,2.574341372912801,92.47390538033396,88.18367346938776,5.604452690166976,21.153988868274574,6.980632752743323,0.5206204081632649,338,12,80,5,11,122,64,98,0.433,0.52,0.048,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,4,0,9,5,2,0,3,14,22,9,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,6,1,6,2,11,13,1,10,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,7,46,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693492892384592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516989121471293,0.14859360474577807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692274487240303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535467556780734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266584921003324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431010116119494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161717416268573,0.0,0.3673315751774957,0.18407142700553691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065269945987326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213242271205822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053726444359094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275157340623109,0.0,0.19603537901749213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781255371947644,0.0,0.3975014486600067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaguhs,2018/03/23,"I thought I was over killing myself I’m a psychology student for goodness sake. I have access to all the resources, to people to talk to, but why am I still feeling this way? 

I still take some joy from the little things in life. I almost killed myself once, but I made it through after counselling. Now I’m back in therapy but I just can’t shake the feelings of dread, the sense of knowing that the depression that haunts me will never truly leave me. 

I don’t want to die, but everyday the thought of dying just grows and festers. It feels like every step I take brings me closer to the edge of that cliff, and I’m helpless to pull myself back. 

It was the belief that there was a greater god that pulled me back the first time, but after the sudden death of my very religious Grandmother it just haunts me how someone so devout and dedicated in her ways could leave just like that. 

Help me, please. I don’t want to wake up one day and slip into that endless pit of self loathing. 

I am going to therapy, but there’s only so many hours you can spend in there. I don’t want to take antidepressants because they are expensive and just not worth the side effects of. Please help me",5.0892307692307694,5.671214076923082,5.117931623931625,86.15484615384617,68.48717948717949,7.94940170940171,27.993162393162393,7.793537801064563,1.4985336752136753,930,29,191,10,15,290,132,234,0.179,0.6559999999999999,0.165,-0.8985,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,1,2,17,10,2,2,13,0,14,2,1,3,2,36,32,14,5,4,12,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,8,0,3,7,6,6,0,2,6,3,27,4,29,24,3,34,1,2,0,0,7,10,0,2,17,131,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077706149769996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278233156467407,0.0,0.07352490896449107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963001162355906,0.0,0.0,0.07778577050452619,0.0,0.10388428571701304,0.0,0.2503556734833807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162212947573687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829575255851161,0.08616635403934901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259383570625734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854746781710305,0.10116493479775852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168945870729212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878006453684525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668820757959117,0.0,0.0662860603172034,0.0,0.0,0.2554246975649148,0.0,0.0,0.08519292704013097,0.11785138963901402,0.120886477192881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412747032973908,0.0,0.1222832225903014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302461595069753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844950898782784,0.08173087229735798,0.09173205028361513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361825843699817,0.0,0.0,0.26479494683777244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582625182714274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021954811555572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264429561972568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720591681796809,0.09694461377785353,0.0,0.0,0.2758642434380497,0.0,0.08013029234613568,0.0,0.0,0.19150739389586932,0.0703307389684518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951882176410401,0.21342301465992025,0.19147486560343396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883498104035827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forwheniwannadie,2018/03/23,"Mum made a joke and I can’t stop thinking about it. To preface this, I’ve had depression and suicidal thoughts since I was around 14 (21 now). Im undiagnosed because I’ve always hid it, and I’ve never attempted but I do self harm.

Having someone that we knew commit suicide finally allowed me to talk to my mum about how I feel and even show her my scars. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. She was really upset and started crying and blaming herself and said she was going to keep a close eye on me and make sure I’m okay. This made me kind of happy because maybe with her support I would be okay? The thing is, my really bad episodes come at night, when I’m in my room and away from everyone. So she doesn’t see me at my worst. When I’m around everyone I act normal and then let noose at night. She hasn’t once asked me how I’ve been since the talk we had which was around 3 months ago. I think it might be because she doesn’t see me as sad during the day but still?

One night I went to bed really early without saying goodnight (around 7) because I was just mentally and physically exhausted. The next morning she was joking with me saying “why’d you go to sleep so early. I even considered that you might’ve committed suicide” in a very light hearted way. My heart broke. And it breaks everytime I remember her saying this. She didn’t understand why I was upset and I just walked away.

She’s such an amazing mother in every other way and she’s the most amazing woman ever but I don’t know what to do.",2.5626487663280098,4.097657877358493,4.022767295597487,88.0056748911466,75.57232704402516,7.15645863570392,24.18045476536043,7.882392219407189,1.182689017900339,1207,38,256,18,26,400,167,318,0.18,0.7190000000000001,0.101,-0.9861,1,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,2,2,0,1,21,19,0,2,10,2,28,6,4,6,6,56,52,25,3,2,6,3,1,0,0,2,2,4,2,2,15,24,0,2,8,3,0,6,8,9,0,2,19,9,45,10,31,28,2,45,0,3,3,0,29,16,0,2,20,167,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918901844672396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074332873137733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181040667330952,0.08351503838132081,0.0,0.16786408063916064,0.0,0.07458998666414997,0.21782820706017567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695315353023932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812897811350776,0.057612906844870526,0.0,0.07694306602403493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800825705592274,0.1616150625817675,0.07526757453051551,0.17072453730681128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516985051693985,0.0,0.0,0.09786080492141833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154090785971508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509748505839326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117219524544485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649582746905748,0.0,0.0,0.07940398090594246,0.0,0.09302739958250528,0.049095517000069984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913498570974672,0.06309910074258786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690595921053552,0.059631001302571526,0.0,0.08974780353056179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002745299951206,0.18953807664236508,0.0,0.0,0.07130538221933816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889972932434396,0.0,0.0950075035788602,0.2515011425986212,0.08752815093468637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513757526068953,0.12106978182452285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168854822025567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119777422207643,0.0,0.08497689549698073,0.21312545618058815,0.0,0.0,0.14237493575022436,0.0,0.0931946303049679,0.0,0.0,0.14779567538917734,0.0,0.08939830997648875,0.0,0.0756922339085044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323091931820858,0.0,0.0713420834282868,0.07468705203591433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29315001410999064,0.10137493098064733,0.08419604379140973,0.0,0.0,0.14360623971373873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118698806695539,0.11448297633841673,0.0,0.07092105389625628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299963026550444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370973598921891,0.0,0.14181801534642954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281332220065275,0.08060985426346784,0.0,0.0,0.0861145897044003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346016427278778,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spurs-Throwaway,2018/03/23,"I’m scared I’m gonna do something stupid. I’ve written letters to the few that care about me. I’m lonely and depressed.

My only friend has left me for another group, I can’t blame her because I’m just an awkward depressed mess. She looks happier with them.

She’s getting stressed and worried about how I constantly bombard her with suicidal texts. Why can’t I be normal?

I’m a burden. I can’t live like this. I want to disappear.",1.2747727272727258,3.6882442045454593,2.860181818181818,90.23027272727276,84.22727272727272,5.792727272727273,26.981818181818184,7.1686216300943375,1.4899963636363638,342,16,69,5,10,112,62,88,0.349,0.517,0.133,-0.9644,0,2,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,4,12,1,3,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,17,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,1,1,13,3,7,14,1,3,0,3,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454203578350564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267385051469084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386281400586107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529233827794736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031714220380102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082536310728725,0.0,0.122280730342211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542944821494646,0.0,0.0,0.11434432075547188,0.0,0.2066691964316192,0.0,0.19654187227786613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293179288545106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800450233663476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432347265667275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801820422065867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681018736082336,0.0,0.0,0.2560111741632192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804792470485494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119245211470453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768770815079845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ora76nge,2018/03/23,I want my wife to just kill me already. I fantasize all the ways she would just finish me off. Instead of slowly killing my self esteem everyday. She put a restraining order on me claimed false stuff to the point I ask myself did I do that I that she loved me  how can she say bad things to me and all I want is to run back to her. I'm trying to stay alive for my kids buts it hard because what if I did do something bad. Did I? Did I do what she said? Is my reality warped? If I did can she just kill me? Run me over shoot me stab me please I love her why doesn't she love me? Why? 13 yrs down. She would say things like I no good off my meds (I have adhd) I'm too happy off my pills she never wants to talk to me off my meds. Tells me to go to the room and shut the door. Maybe I don't see it maybe I am too much without pills.,-0.9122727272727252,0.8124616631016082,1.3078368983957245,102.33940240641712,87.44919786096256,4.595614973262032,15.232352941176472,5.6839178017228535,-1.0900757219251336,629,11,169,4,20,210,98,187,0.15,0.713,0.13699999999999998,-0.6868,0,0,1,1,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,0,5,0,18,5,0,1,3,19,30,6,3,7,7,1,1,1,0,2,2,3,2,2,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,6,5,46,6,20,22,3,21,0,0,1,3,23,10,0,2,5,116,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040006088280528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381007022897817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699375186455985,0.0,0.0,0.09622883799871433,0.2089818207715317,0.07628727621946498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112283014228173,0.1049657515165097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321925949511118,0.112105406281618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153634514005242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611395623664169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388449487724272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514500971358532,0.0,0.2780159329716684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919960295670684,0.0,0.0965195968575468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373717120866313,0.118302546421812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258053657657938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904162434316733,0.1990407733320656,0.0,0.0,0.099724422258183,0.0,0.130553606444219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634279283845233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338799896245412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432611702796414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058687094508603,0.1093823116199688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628165425429833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496529124673513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22144142305317785,0.09933433558162316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584793039256545,0.0,0.0,0.12063538657306487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779894151076167,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monroedm87,2018/03/23,You know You know what's stupid. All thes people coming on here. Really acting like they give a shit about people's problems. I mean honestly not like they go out of their way to help anyone. All they do is narc and not actually ascertain to the problem that provoked the person over the edge. Like if I said I'm going to kill myself unless I find love or a gf/wife soon? Who's going to do what then? Is anyone going to sacrifice themselves for someone in that way? If not then what's the point? You're not fixing anything by talking. Sometimes people need more than just talking or a friend. Just pisses me off even more. ,2.4627150537634432,4.713060379032257,3.5706451612903223,87.86763440860216,78.2741935483871,5.746236559139786,20.81720430107527,6.816661863887847,0.4874913978494626,493,13,95,5,12,159,81,124,0.16,0.6890000000000001,0.15,-0.3407,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,4,0,6,12,4,0,7,0,4,3,2,1,2,24,17,8,1,5,11,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,6,4,6,0,0,1,1,11,6,16,16,4,17,1,0,0,1,15,6,2,4,6,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.15691182370704887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486191368462372,0.0,0.1323198243044871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850985910718622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620297095347407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696287276653305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422910453199515,0.0,0.0,0.15424832976349315,0.3655319163947763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777687999323156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789482187253605,0.0,0.17673643848271828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356675910670251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512293173853247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515188755931174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192267702096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334423100065741,0.14039918536453208,0.0,0.0,0.15200237540266004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077164307323004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300880268651676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295198809529906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505280871484068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624029910684962,0.0,0.1590294530180373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584803756202985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552617069393497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Leeblue9,2018/03/23,Help I feel like i am not real. Like i am reading about a chatacter in a book. Like i am not truly a part of the story. I am watching as things unfold but also feel like i am one step ahead and orchestrating it. It makes me feel very alone and that makes me want to hurt myself to get away from the void. Not an intense need to do it but a knowledge that it is an option. And that scares the hell out of me. I am trying to get better but i feel like i am only one step ahead of the void and at any second i will be sucked in. Gone forever.,0.2859816653934324,1.8213685378151323,2.6106035141329293,95.6142093200917,82.109243697479,5.335676088617267,16.700534759358288,6.11248444174946,-0.5908218487394956,412,7,101,3,11,141,64,119,0.205,0.679,0.116,-0.915,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,2,10,2,1,10,0,11,0,0,2,0,22,23,9,0,2,6,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,2,0,3,3,4,0,3,1,5,14,6,17,20,1,10,1,1,1,0,1,5,2,1,7,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821591619564008,0.0,0.14065157751024002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196047756247163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524552549611138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555201522820264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35572187483264295,0.37694720697481976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837806109000231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788899611007354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828371986352968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296316570603344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23480320765665874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304131670015694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23836236606565156,0.13376505067817954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046144911747664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592810227048875,0.2001905215487946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608706961653034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684719335715872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194113188189903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511983756549546,0.1037388796449672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Missaisthebest,2018/03/23,"I thought I'd feel different after we got married I thought i would feel different about life after my husband and I got married. I wanted to feel something other than this constant loneliness and failure. I can't make enough money, i don't spend enough quality time with my husband and i have no friends, because i spend all my time working. There's too much pressure and i just want it all to stop...

So here i am making this post trying not to lose it.",2.462333333333333,4.825203677777779,3.3877777777777784,88.58500000000002,78.8888888888889,5.777777777777778,28.88888888888889,6.937597516519254,1.5998888888888891,361,17,69,4,9,115,57,90,0.123,0.799,0.078,-0.5916,3,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,21,16,5,0,3,2,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,5,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,4,3,15,1,8,11,5,7,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,49,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382179250524173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017762378361324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39016193605786975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858600027967757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832312723362741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425815862566466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986714939939621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188471500398685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889010855362947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492719395249333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725949473625576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882459606367726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437449325663015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610492790424702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964670770522472,0.21775397998720525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676952474501574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202626786177234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593320577628415,0.0,0.0,0.13263938123881974,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Robby_the_Mook,2018/03/23,"Never planned to make this this far I am in my 30s now but I never planned on making it this far and don't know what to do now. 

I have gone thought the perks and valleys of depression my whole life, at 17 I figured out the perfect way out. I would join the Marines and die in a war.

 I get the sweet release from this shitshow and my loved ones can hang their hat on something too.

Problem is that I didn't die. I got a lot more shit sandwich to eat but after serving for five years, I EAS'd. Got married and had two kids. That's what you do. Its what my father did after Vietnam. Fake it until you make it, right?

All these years later, my body hurts more but i am still just here. I have been able to bury myself in work to get by but was laid off two weeks ago. 

That has thrown me for a loop and i feel like the same lost kid who joined the Marines all those years ago.

Tonight I found internet search history that my wife is thinking about divorcing me. 

I am numb to it now. I should've never been married or had kids. That wasn't meant to be. 

I think about my buddy, who is rotting in an ice could grave right now and just know that should be me. He should be alive and married and i should be in the dark coffin. Gone. Forgotten. 

I can't keep a job and support my family. I am failure. I failed in getting myself killed and failed at faking it after. 

I am and always have been out of place but that ends now.    ",0.6937569240795014,2.749604966329972,1.7740610405126525,99.40761485826005,83.51178451178451,4.640338872596939,19.344954925600085,5.642373280135919,-0.44537202128815023,1093,29,257,6,31,343,155,297,0.214,0.706,0.08,-0.9943,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,1,7,12,18,3,0,12,0,35,7,2,3,6,50,57,19,6,6,8,2,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,24,15,2,1,9,0,0,3,7,13,0,4,17,2,37,5,33,31,7,45,0,6,0,1,13,19,1,2,23,183,61,4,0.12702488140951174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251997862535121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569487708380244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109600753628251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141903169682284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094063442266304,0.0,0.26366354452131463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299781654783391,0.0,0.0,0.11250634194653476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974775326794737,0.0,0.06422759671128853,0.0907466006597266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927622603902656,0.0,0.0,0.1990957733334943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031868032138775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598276273996845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605259453819986,0.112905551037525,0.14053421097770208,0.0,0.13961910567005933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972143031157545,0.062057940782092334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866266331701055,0.10799201172162136,0.1146449148545688,0.0,0.254370284115655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939082581356772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607534707285487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271396520509332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154565642395125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695710934312512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303892153702689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977899595832592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144223437836457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414633011056585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278482993461016,0.0,0.10084356702221166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816970339986186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082643834132056,0.10189169784397824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181874377368411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247562652516053,0.0,0.0,0.09023483123142437,0.0,0.0,0.2453995768601916
suicidewatch,Sodatage,2018/03/23,"My future looks bleak. I'm overwhelmed. I can't do this alone. I don't know how to ask for help and all my subtle cries for help are too subtle.

I will might die (((((((((((:",-1.4758333333333304,0.5060008611111115,0.3291111111111107,105.52700000000002,95.94444444444444,2.8800000000000003,9.977777777777778,3.1291,-2.217548888888889,125,1,32,0,5,40,27,36,0.219,0.618,0.163,-0.5023,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,10,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,8,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625658881339954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272672405827155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845343366996783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633163326105595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692877164872358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238875638460304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939697761834653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713678669755349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TatsuyaTogami,2018/03/23,Doubt How much does the police find out after you commit suicide? Do they have access to everything? Is it legal?,2.255714285714284,5.171803142857144,3.4352380952380983,82.90142857142861,89.0,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,0.2720666666666669,90,2,14,1,3,29,21,21,0.267,0.602,0.131,-0.7041,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429791824049134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413966447252513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488846027488886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610376073222515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5372173205694368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slimegenerator,2018/03/23,"Scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared Today has been really awful and after several months of dehabilitating mental health it is only getting worse. I've been suffering from bad intrusive thoughts, I don't want to get into too much detail, but they are painful and hard and today they have gotten really bad and they feel so much more real like I will be turned into an evil person and I can't handle it. It's really disappointing because I was getting better at controlling them as of late. I've been really inundating myself in depressing stuff too which was the worst decision. I feel complete darkness in myself today and I feel like this is something that I will never get rid of. I don't have any real life friends and I just sit inside all day letting my intrusive thoughts and sexual stuff fester in my head all day and I hate it the whole way through, I feel evil. I feel like I will bring harm to a lot of people like a mass shooter Mass shootings and serial killers scare me a lot i have intrusive thoughts about that a lot too you could say, I would abhor hurting anyone but myself but I get obsessive thoughts and it feels bad really bad. Obsessive thoughts about masculinity too I'm transgender and i feel way too masculine all the time like I'm not actually transgender and I'm this gross morally abhorrent man, this is all culminating and I can't handle it my mind is digressing I want to end my life for the safety of others and because I have no purpose in this world, I read this article about how autistic people commit suicide more often and the descriptions of them really connected with me OK I'm trailing off here but basically my entire life feels like misery and wretchedness and I needed somewhere to just type this and I guess this seemed like the best place. Thank You",4.680982058545798,6.936407660056659,5.0443257790368285,79.85500613786593,71.54957507082153,8.446043437204912,26.49754485363551,9.120678840339163,2.3292988479697843,1516,52,268,33,30,480,167,353,0.324,0.5589999999999999,0.117,-0.9981,1,0,1,2,0,3,14.0,0,2,5,3,14,46,3,19,11,2,26,6,1,2,6,65,58,26,1,5,7,0,9,7,1,4,5,1,0,2,19,22,0,1,15,1,0,1,7,34,0,0,11,10,40,12,27,40,14,27,1,4,0,0,11,12,0,6,18,174,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.04615105511925797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03216079848275056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03306830016855737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579504075769413,0.057658634264519885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496309881249364,0.04182673299799385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495857131732497,0.0,0.05304301656480048,0.037759537956995465,0.0,0.0,0.06100002510265466,0.0,0.04073331147462512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188747829729055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130171805672805,0.10135818656765777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365383826101985,0.0,0.12354295974639624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052098468877366064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236515537185969,0.04669195455249237,0.04853616655561575,0.05027014859349775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062803504697432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053348458996637454,0.0,0.0,0.04836020156970729,0.10021313643182772,0.16173447842112065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062021488761475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476601268157262,0.0,0.0477523543477876,0.0,0.0377487471431176,0.0,0.06953145642971753,0.035067091272299,0.03647520537080217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035968386850991615,0.05032298741436474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557389392190123,0.041294342194088965,0.04941102200191961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730570510267065,0.10765936373458727,0.1817822832559676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037609217821151286,0.8049236532587533,0.0,0.0,0.043053686308480964,0.0,0.05342752348577108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03640839030819501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827812750448307,0.051730764276202885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043540954735900014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772642732760894,0.0275768743739202,0.0,0.13448443798040172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144110228368469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557891636962137,0.0750778164989525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280084170536993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048195512548908255,0.0335955242119787,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thats-so-metal,2018/03/23,"I can't stop thinking about dying. I'm 25 in two days. I have a decent job and a 3 year old daughter and a partner I love and who loves me. My family is supportive of me and I have everything I need. Yet I feel empty and broken and I can't stop thinking about how pointless it all is, how much I don't want to live anymore. I feel like no one sees me. I think about the people who matter to me and it isn't enough to want to stay. I think about the evil in the world and how I cant stop it, nobody can stop it, and it will never end and I can't bear to live in the midst of it. I think about all the possibilities my life could have and to me, it isn't worth sticking around to find out whether i get better. I keep thinking about ways to kill myself and I feel myself getting closer and closer to doing it. I'm thinking about leaving work early tomorrow and coming home and hanging myself before anyone comes home.",2.2611904761904777,3.3543205612244904,3.894775510204081,90.4121292517007,75.53061224489795,6.2470748299319725,21.740136054421765,6.42735559955562,0.2589303401360543,714,17,160,5,15,239,95,196,0.106,0.769,0.125,0.4295,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,2,12,7,2,0,8,0,16,3,0,3,3,47,40,19,2,4,1,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,10,19,0,5,11,0,1,3,9,2,0,2,0,4,27,5,23,38,4,25,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,0,13,112,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398893926118513,0.08036825836845445,0.0,0.0,0.102320380350155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780491188809423,0.0,0.0,0.10165450498382174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802012641264408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176970956876562,0.0,0.0,0.07412636502244244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928888739996887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180213863549607,0.1187630625078945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330006664783872,0.0,0.10835457956019903,0.0,0.17435035016251493,0.08211268681592779,0.0,0.0,0.10505247363176454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201021214624483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305870573877144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405955862150435,0.1021633657318748,0.12716334902952314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170416417191705,0.0,0.0,0.08118505436337609,0.05615355527188177,0.0,0.20298708441561064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747448213054145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844936393251909,0.0852260635483777,0.08864830409609024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060950150297485,0.0,0.07788587082471671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968446551649426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957683487734695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159177201286756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251004231031495,0.0,0.3843777365076486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043179991299847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155394121179352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227903295730976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355884003484569,0.09123349738830043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367720778258503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401716594336621
suicidewatch,aconflicted,2018/03/23,"How to stop cutting? I'm 15 and yesterday was my first time I cut myself. I heard it might become a dangerous addiction. My ""mother"" has been abusive since the day I was born. She's unstable and can go from ""I love you so much"" to ""you're a fucking bitch you know that right?!"" in an instant. My earliest memories were my mother choking the life out of me while holding a kitchen knife. Why? Because I was sick and way too quiet and didn't eat my food. 

Yesterday I was about to say something about a news report to my ""mother"" and she had her back towards me. I said, ""hey mom"". Her reaction seemed irritated and angry and I didn't want to say anything anymore so I just drank my tea and kept she asking angrily ""what?!"". Then she started rambling about how I'm the worst child in history, that I treat her like shit because she doesn't have a job and how I spend to much time in my room and how she is literally walking on eggshells whenever she's around me. 

She started screaming profanities that I don't remember because my coping mechanism is forcing myself to forget mean things said to me so I don't get affected. But she started throwing things and slamming into walls. I was scared shitless so I ran outside bringing my dog with me because she has the tendency to hit my dog when she's mad. The last thing I heard was ""I never get a break from your bullshit!!""

I took my dog to the sidewalk and not so far from my house. My stepfather told me to come inside and long story short I was being forced to apologize and hug her but she said ""Oh don't force a bitch to do that, she can move out right now! My own fucking daughter hates me so much."" So I just went to my room and looked at my computer screen and starting to piece together on how my childhood traumas led me to be a sarcastic and rude person because I never knew what was going on around me. I looked at my scissors and thought to myself ""I deserve this"". I started to cut my wrist while tears covered my vision. 

Today I made a new cut. I feel like having another one tomorrow. I don't want anyone to know the abuse I'm suffering because I plan on becoming an actor next year and I can't afford it being delayed because of child protective services.

How can I stop cutting? I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't go to school, I don't have friends. The last time I talked to someone was my mother's friend and instead of getting comfort I got scolded on how I disrespect my mother too much. I also don't want people commenting that my mom cares for me and loves me because it's just empty words for me. 

Please help.",2.683591384090424,4.519791733205377,4.032051183621242,86.77606995094904,76.00575815738964,6.934374066965238,27.508679889102158,7.793537801064563,1.6804781488590312,2027,83,408,30,45,667,243,521,0.181,0.746,0.073,-0.9937,2,0,1,0,1,1,58.0,0,3,0,2,29,29,14,1,19,0,40,15,2,10,2,66,89,42,0,3,6,8,1,2,2,1,3,9,3,3,14,28,5,6,8,1,1,12,15,19,0,2,29,13,96,10,51,55,7,70,0,1,3,5,50,23,5,2,35,282,110,5,0.0,0.18707967558241012,0.0,0.08606439117673649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313426014956341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278330180461442,0.0,0.0,0.07829467259432536,0.11040380789080552,0.0,0.06496703787350487,0.14055996539955762,0.07380522371674465,0.0,0.0,0.06070572832572705,0.0,0.38500514076251535,0.17438254752939206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049220330296497,0.0,0.0,0.0680062515935886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050914584499654386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807829671181827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039918210986541316,0.05640008558516875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715267436871315,0.09546358943019467,0.0,0.12198923300486933,0.1459713206086022,0.12374037786561275,0.0,0.1346029930580229,0.0,0.0631415006607811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794427826927035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291682241276238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910947762363463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834317835050532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677492547234099,0.12870544376477525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576293008893248,0.07713948833132822,0.0,0.0,0.06986602320239757,0.13259197626105387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250634101320495,0.07470200133194266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599693486968903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375078561036765,0.0,0.18492463636286866,0.0,0.08390866248701423,0.23214188570036026,0.0,0.12177830568880435,0.07624795475122154,0.08396152587981721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053496846233234384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473223260874885,0.06893388228809394,0.0,0.08666061034304966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943208924834171,0.13484140944459194,0.2252913572621376,0.12556438758826566,0.07904018610338688,0.07989905053817009,0.0,0.071870808114778,0.0,0.0,0.08103843948757257,0.06530615981196353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689193186657051,0.060777616459122434,0.0,0.0,0.27939711437285275,0.0,0.0,0.13200723345384224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690996561361242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734756553199944,0.0,0.0,0.06267546959795478,0.13810470715555925,0.0,0.07483296681620229,0.07543768711651072,0.08771353973601168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969578296381596,0.0626648239201972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318509205299091,0.07123780869889526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050839579800081885
suicidewatch,Throwaway16743209823,2018/03/23,"Give me a reason.   If i'm being completely honest, the only reason i'm here is because it's alot easier to unload my thoughts and feelings to a faceless mass of people than my friends and families. I'm not even completely sure if this is where I should be. I want to die, but perhaps a better way to put it would be, I wish I wasn't me. 

What pushed me to post here was a conversation I had with my mother. She said, in no uncertain terms, that because my grades in school weren't top of the class or as good as my peers, I was worthless, useless, and pointless. She continued to elaborate, at lengths, about how I did nothing in high school, i'm worthless in college, i've never made her happy in all my life, and how I was a complete and utter waste of time. I asked her one question. I asked her, aren't I more than a couple of numbers and letters? She said no. 

I don't disagree with her. Well, most of me doesn't. My friends are all going to fancy colleges, have straight A's, and are amazing, bright, intelligent people. And, that's not exaggeration or hyperbole. That's the honest to god truth. One friend got a full-ride to college. Another is in an exclusive 16-person only physics group. 2 more got decent scholarships to berkeley. And they all have somewhere between 4.00 and 5.00 gpa's. I'm not even sure how we're friends. They all have shining futures and brilliant lives to live. I'm nothing like them. 

I talked some of those same people out of some pretty deep points in their lives. I've talked one of them out of suicide. I helped them on the tracks that their on in my own, minuscule ways. But I could only do that because I knew what they had ahead of them. I knew they were all people worth pushing towards life. They were worthwhile people, with worthwhile reasons to live. I'm not.

To address the title, i'm asking if someone, anyone can give me a reason not to disappear. Not to walk away from everything and die quietly, where I won't make waves. I'm not a person worth saving, and I have little purpose left, so give me a reason. I'll answer any questions anyone might have as honestly as I can for the next hour or so. And then I'm gone, like breath on the wind.",3.4592394669538287,4.945688546910759,4.300907928388747,87.11969948849108,73.14187643020594,6.880306905370842,27.26941714901064,7.39963492309942,1.3960712612733883,1713,63,346,19,34,551,209,437,0.111,0.7,0.189,0.9887,0,0,0,0,0,2,66.0,0,0,11,3,15,23,0,1,20,0,34,3,1,10,9,73,64,32,3,8,15,1,1,2,4,4,2,3,1,1,11,19,0,0,12,0,3,7,16,4,1,3,19,6,52,19,55,37,14,45,0,3,2,0,40,26,0,14,11,232,63,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052360541405486995,0.08073797711787388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767606414458256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594516045106346,0.0,0.07234113466304261,0.0,0.0,0.1408098111312668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809751275834618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421893961172408,0.0,0.0,0.06147577000333936,0.08519562010214618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982127959682882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171147016715516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919986091721897,0.0,0.07258583734385604,0.0,0.03893195288132595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379504969787306,0.0,0.0,0.2215873659214216,0.043759120243700385,0.06458135781285107,0.12316293079419548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196464599849618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160940798418428,0.08135146636390572,0.0,0.0,0.07582644978937414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365737163004143,0.0,0.10877039391765056,0.07523360518379467,0.0771711349781,0.27195874049992075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728563411064812,0.051396037542948254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168155732871372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938476627425414,0.0,0.08188709084431077,0.0,0.0,0.14776122992922716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652530351778754,0.17567886661862964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668998244600699,0.13446146963208247,0.0,0.0,0.07278697070479008,0.0,0.07374175906367512,0.07833354175323913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740316459335242,0.17250832901663424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958282536386768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464833933975101,0.0,0.0,0.15584997393112066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523923480559345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842221260854078,0.0,0.14513735919723342,0.0,0.0,0.12377440469728708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112694855050596,0.04489751935929138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541477440710698,0.12223313179041286,0.0,0.0,0.06922947204707253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854265042343765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469639808488693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_love_coffeetoomuch,2018/03/23,My gf of 5 years left me and I feel like I need to end myself cause of the suffering I'm going through All this pain and suffering wont stop. I've cried for hours on a week straight I can't take it any longer. Even in public tears just start to flow from my eyes. I wont take it much longer.,0.2695454545454545,1.7325671666666689,1.7515151515151537,102.09727272727275,81.87878787878788,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.6856484848484845,227,4,61,2,6,73,51,66,0.17800000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.126,-0.6708,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,1,1,8,10,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,9,8,2,12,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,7,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806860163593514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272948457725731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918604357180252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353325149229604,0.0,0.0,0.17549322322926186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343465763797392,0.1898170839481356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100418949059058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616622895667509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886852735510864,0.0,0.0,0.12980824922856496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532105026384566,0.19701417023895934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827249495089554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880647696312178,0.0,0.0,0.2221382100247937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39954866793009614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312958086210648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110294579655308
suicidewatch,ILikeMegadeth,2018/03/23,"Someone help please I just need someone to talk to,please,anyone",5.372499999999999,7.7029312500000024,3.84,88.905,69.83333333333334,4.800000000000002,28.66666666666667,3.1291,0.8405666666666662,53,2,9,0,1,15,9,12,0.0,0.583,0.417,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805747143828679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689603305928404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975338637853087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404698797942658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.679983237409488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225226378930388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scared76,2018/03/23,"Mind won't shut off I have suffered from depression now for many years but now I'm at breaking point. I want to shut all the pain off. I am not sleeping. Trying not to drink. Haven't had one at all tonight.  I wish I could go a press a reset button on my life. 

I'm scared of myself.",-1.0700000000000005,0.9609609516129076,0.9454032258064516,102.08810483870968,92.70967741935483,3.745161290322581,15.81451612903226,5.148860815047168,-1.0692,217,5,54,1,8,71,45,62,0.203,0.7170000000000001,0.08,-0.8294,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,6,4,1,0,2,9,11,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,7,0,10,8,2,14,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281844709394251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461552664927717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799708105415907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624241827477894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186583094952487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897518044866434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28857200862393434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936624438641932,0.0,0.3041065881769033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27016914795298635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861311774815083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28600192263448365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403640104128345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856960507133353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286507487640919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404294761951734
suicidewatch,g1v3n_up900,2018/03/23,"I think this all might be futile I’m not ever happy. Never been happy and I don’t know what will make me happy. It feels like everything I’m working for is pointless. I feel like the only reason I even try anymore is just to prove to others that I’m not worthless. If i had it my way I’d be gone already, but I feel like I’d just be proving those people right if I did decide to just die. It seems like no matter what I decide to do here, it’s the wrong choice.

Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I just needed to vent somewhere.",2.6704310344827604,3.194367767241385,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,73.91379310344827,6.1448275862068975,21.396551724137925,5.148860815047168,-0.010944827586206518,415,8,93,1,8,140,71,116,0.181,0.711,0.108,-0.8703,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,2,0,13,0,0,3,5,30,26,5,1,4,10,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,11,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,3,11,7,6,17,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620087809214627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085817301608176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835069038488722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571325075451676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054611651398314,0.14443152732899833,0.0,0.0,0.14350196586187672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422033093388226,0.3422069035189565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099181274089924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775098548428084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120286688340556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316321527717605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938565910344708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839399584857205,0.12314809003442752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143696237731755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106957412646461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416834308026654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635812993724652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535844785331806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873857057515136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231070583140364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840610276995967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673937832303833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624236270407975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457513242487754,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovs2smuge,2018/03/23,"Contemplating death After about three years of contemplating suicide and dealing with on and off suicidal thoughts I've decided to go through with it. Maybe not tonight itself, but within the next few days. I am not angry nor sad just feel slightly numb and empty. Things are going well all things considered. I am 22, about to graduate from university and I can't complain about much. I don't even think I'm having a hard time, I just want to check out.

I've been steeling myself for this for some time now so that when the end comes I can meet it with some dignity and courage. I do feel awful about leaving anyone who will miss me, which won't be too many, but I have no doubt it will be painful for those that do and to them I am eternally sorry and I do feel very guilty, but I cannot bring myself to be selfless enough to continue.

As for methods I have considered many, but have decided to hang myself. I can't really think of anyway of lessening the pain of anyone who will have to find my body, be they family or a stranger, if I could find a way to avoid causing them pain I would. I have not decided whether to find somewhere isolated to end it or simply do it at home. The question for me is whether it will be better to die in a remote place and then not be found for some time this causing more worry if anyone found out I was missing or to simply do it here and be discovered quicker with less uncertainty?

I'm not entirely sure why I want to die, my life has been fairly good relatively speaking, I've never been particularly poor or in danger. Not having a father growing up has had much more of an impact on me than I have ever let on to anyone and I don't think it can be understated how badly it can effect you. I have tried to imagine what the future may hold and whether it is worth continuing on or not and believe me I have been running this over for three years now. This is not a spur of the moment or a plea for help, but as much an effort to try and understand as I near the end.

Anyway, I have rambled too much, I signing off now, will be sure to leave an explanation for my close family, but in the mean time I hope anyone out there who is still able to be saved can get the help they need.

I realise this is a rushed and not particularly well thought out post, forgive any bits that don't make any sense 

Thank you and goodbye.",6.400020876826723,5.437862922755741,6.835635908141963,80.18050187891444,65.91022964509395,10.002204592901881,31.477327766179553,9.174902378510234,2.3879674488517746,1856,59,391,28,25,607,222,479,0.17,0.7240000000000001,0.106,-0.9862,0,1,1,0,0,3,35.0,0,2,4,3,23,23,1,2,20,1,63,6,1,5,5,99,90,40,5,8,28,1,4,0,0,8,5,1,1,0,27,25,0,2,22,0,3,8,19,12,2,2,10,5,43,11,67,60,14,56,0,3,0,0,18,20,0,15,26,299,70,1,0.08421476997461799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453786286050772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944246262859264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703158152755142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488120716923784,0.0,0.07448112040185831,0.09194071737808776,0.09354362458090228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302353357993472,0.0,0.07254356744779095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723864120653192,0.0,0.0,0.054311559719535295,0.08682172998569067,0.0,0.0,0.17480327087234954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237678697884697,0.08701636941079678,0.0,0.05562306131982348,0.07617708082861295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878038041895562,0.0,0.12774455420964487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23091232223281455,0.0,0.0,0.18467429701424207,0.0,0.0,0.04399874147528862,0.0,0.09572238901342213,0.07063535351201088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543989243066776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289477028564562,0.0,0.08447428073717864,0.0836442685015621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834256350052996,0.0,0.08611530802427879,0.0594833825597042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621401289646349,0.1707611174468969,0.08460505567393024,0.09173457290815773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476301832278772,0.06244418485470354,0.06495162228031359,0.0,0.08956336326374137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26883135850726897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798651042337825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065447052312871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433981582709547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395013808816892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427154022181644,0.0,0.0,0.06725402408638309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842345794839305,0.0,0.15874284812042572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753364558145087,0.0,0.0,0.1118971022559386,0.16188427246908615,0.0,0.13371424095751372,0.1964252384377605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435260162016055,0.0,0.0,0.08767054553695637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948600491325617,0.0993441065209653,0.06684576453096767,0.0,0.0,0.15143838398894024,0.0,0.07599073113255286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552418679143896,0.0,0.05982375635017795,0.0,0.0,0.10846310154792564
suicidewatch,aloneindankness,2018/03/23,"I was 5150'd against my will I called the crisis line regularly after I discovered it. I have a lot of issues and I haven't had consistent therapy in like 10 years. It was a sort of stop gap for my issues. A lot of the time, I just need to talk to someone to get some feelings out.

About three years ago, I called the crisis line to ask for help. I was having a really rough bout of depression, and it was apparently so bad that they called the cops on me. I tried to refuse, but they declared me a danger to myself and took me away. 

My experience wasn't close to the worst, but it was awkward and awful in its own way. The EMTs were really nice, but it was clear that the nurse thought I was wasting her time. She left a HUGE bruise on the blood draw.

Anyway, the point is, I can't call the crisis line anymore. Every time I try, I start panicking. Now I am stuck. Whenever I am deeply depressed and just want to talk, there is no one to. I have no support in my friends or family.

I am not denying the threat that suicidal ideation is, I just want to be able to talk to someone who won't throw me in the ER against my will. There is no way to tell them, ""Yes, I'm suicidal, but don't commit me, please.""

I can't afford to go to the ER, either monetarily or time wise, but I need to talk. Advice?",2.3329344579160067,3.5165344354243544,3.8989457037427515,90.09386223862239,75.49446494464945,7.375926902126165,22.86786153575821,7.957251820313856,0.8706466701809874,996,27,230,15,21,332,138,271,0.233,0.652,0.115,-0.9907,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,3,0,9,12,2,1,19,2,28,1,1,0,2,33,42,13,2,4,12,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,10,7,2,2,13,2,36,5,34,25,6,28,0,2,0,0,19,12,0,6,12,159,46,0,0.11001601127874927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750637294412832,0.09752255601233373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910632100442716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285011947577057,0.0,0.10336366410201853,0.0,0.09185877404589454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44935459217226703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951325861269247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269323445400487,0.0,0.0,0.10761676944806332,0.10371330425934087,0.0,0.05562740091380998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849980974074461,0.0,0.05747882514973386,0.0,0.06252463452968804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374141332215718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22965626543588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953271815686566,0.0,0.0,0.05374826598741768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706335715879785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631509567107508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454969647923136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076454319592687,0.10400069097584913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095814789227526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643241868206706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778698990324012,0.0,0.0,0.09197831161992212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067932003553116,0.12484486585040686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35370681013367417,0.09615884300961244,0.0,0.12581289688770514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734042404761644,0.2566048836078614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122231836544719,0.14938730003525102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297805877375415,0.17465117785851714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416934084937972
suicidewatch,bxllshxt,2018/03/23,"my brother just asked me not to kill myself 20/f recently dropped out of college, and moved back in with my father and his family. already had been struggling with depression, but amplified to new extremes when i moved back. i was going to school several states away, so moving meant losing all of my friends. finding a job has been difficult, so i spend most of my time isolated unless getting fucked up with old HS people. 
anyway, been planning on killing myself all night. have the means to overdose, and feel pretty deadset (haha) on it. guess one of my friends picked up on it before i cut communications, and relayed concerns to my 14yo brother. just came in my room, looking really upset and after some are you okay's? said ""please dont do anything, i hate to imagine not being able to come to you."" {told him i was fine and that it wasn't his job to worry about me, or try to take care of me}

now i dont know how to feel. id already processed the guilt of leaving my family and knowing it would hurt them. but now i feel like ive lied to my brother, and i dont want him to feel like he could have done something. but most selfishly what im upset about, is feeling robbed of the opportunity to die on my terms. i hadnt spoken to anyone in 6 hours, and i felt /peaceful/ about it. now i just feel like i still want to die, but with more guilt. when does the responsibility of living in pain for others end? 

tl;dr brother found out im suicidal the night i plan to off myself, and now i dont know how to handle being this close to doing it, with this much guilt. ",3.4342142857142868,4.792348076190478,4.550337301587302,85.81598214285717,73.0,7.027777777777778,25.823412698412696,7.492282038375204,1.2312460317460316,1224,40,250,14,24,401,171,315,0.224,0.6609999999999999,0.115,-0.9922,2,0,1,0,0,3,43.0,0,2,1,4,20,27,5,6,6,2,25,2,0,3,2,59,53,22,5,4,11,5,7,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,11,20,0,0,15,0,1,6,8,17,0,1,15,9,39,10,52,34,8,43,0,3,1,1,18,16,1,5,22,174,50,4,0.08737221390051826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928348213739084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610926834644027,0.0,0.07189988744503144,0.0,0.08168122561508162,0.0,0.08208907107694183,0.13436767864919005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434731876171233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993053647882487,0.08908179512438573,0.0,0.0,0.07526342581076217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975960325781268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752535598047572,0.0,0.1813571274703044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764600131753028,0.08941210980496722,0.4095983359084516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773858480688289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473349467500673,0.0,0.26506809953635024,0.18725618120497214,0.08389102713732588,0.0,0.07985662062395797,0.0,0.0,0.09579912279947653,0.13500711144678568,0.08077420385393114,0.04564837560787933,0.0,0.049655642653124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625034404191493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626197250144706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604403089978152,0.0,0.09353376205561467,0.0,0.188753968319482,0.0,0.17340688108498709,0.0,0.19332881882092276,0.0,0.14405245133679015,0.0,0.0,0.09251455896888083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128056951112398,0.0,0.07715126560732123,0.0,0.07337065442206335,0.09774715840790484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517395497986812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785885082321046,0.06422863039266039,0.0,0.0,0.0843846286358464,0.0,0.16398580797909312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168244090023504,0.0,0.059205673349659774,0.0,0.09297019578926326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060572891930928074,0.0,0.0,0.0959084534793621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888895241472264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597287751807308,0.0,0.08626952056433784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311098345505331,0.0,0.0,0.08842534504720198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987057321956549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726339888077837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977556288424362,0.0,0.0,0.0913404085102992,0.0,0.0955710209230137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569303124700664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094744055412401,0.0,0.0,0.08348789463591415,0.0,0.05931999797570391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030687909890598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873072436416612,0.0,0.0620667139236456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DBWlofley,2018/03/23,"Have you ever.. Have you ever been so desperate to reach out for help you are screaming in your skull to the world but no sounds seem to come out of your mouth. You scream and you scream HELP ME PLEASE! But your words are muted in your throat so you simply wimper in the darkness where you are forgotten until the time comes when silencing the pain means taking your own life not because it is the right thing to do, but it is in fact just the inevitable result of your own life's choices and I'll fated luck? 

I wish I could have screamed out more. I wish I had longer to find the happy moments. I wish it hadn't all played out like it did. I wish I didn't know how much this decision will take apart my family. I wish a lot of things but I guess none of them really matter now do they. I'm thankful for this board, I have spent more night reading through it than I care to count and I have found solace in other people's honest communication.

Thank you all and good bye, please know there is strength in family and friends. Please find help no matter the cost. Please understand you are never truly alone.",2.9550782361308663,4.815553900900905,3.211887150308204,92.84579658605976,75.30630630630631,6.295305832147938,19.792318634423896,7.0608816371341465,0.16022162162162168,874,18,187,9,19,268,125,222,0.125,0.5670000000000001,0.308,0.9953,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,15,2,1,10,16,0,0,9,0,21,6,3,2,6,46,42,14,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,10,11,0,0,9,2,2,2,7,5,0,0,7,5,31,11,25,33,9,25,0,0,0,0,22,14,0,4,11,128,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447183522916596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148996668615361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284460908323136,0.0,0.0,0.17378270374916846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053720871737463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248701484997654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901842215809576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438835722408214,0.0,0.0,0.11059973949864403,0.07793261002887017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460572829169133,0.0,0.0,0.11112067278499993,0.0,0.0,0.10737895274622887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283492158178465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087202141602592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249620487455514,0.04928042839413559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575683520458863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987798552041238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415172062328891,0.0,0.07779785947865832,0.0,0.0,0.09466051000240196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733375353502336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993118384040954,0.0,0.0,0.44290384548670336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008982008655784,0.0,0.06462048389990288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614320066730098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182908234278643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168473218702413,0.0,0.0,0.18573675150965574,0.0,0.0,0.1340282926238027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058818635168542036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501016822436968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5799828060026399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pieceofshit180,2018/03/23,"I'm killing myself tonight I'm a worthless retarded piece of shit I'm gonna make everyone a favor. I'm a waste of space and air, everyone will be happier when I finally stop being a fucking pussy and just go ahead and do it. And please don't tell me how I'm wrong or wathever, I know myself and I'm an objectively shitty Human being.",2.132582159624413,3.727600028169016,4.647535211267607,82.81853286384978,76.88732394366197,8.11361502347418,27.32629107981221,8.841846274778883,2.2150826291079806,266,11,55,6,6,94,47,71,0.326,0.57,0.104,-0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,5,0,6,2,1,2,0,11,17,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,12,1,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,2,1,5,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317096274170666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047806305076782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25721346803257816,0.0,0.0,0.1581210268230312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078134700621465,0.0,0.15290455293513333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571658172437733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054062405576693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285592786002628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260759840003806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317990995333266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041941059659013,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bateloche,2018/03/23,"Failed twice, good or bad? I felt like finally making it twice, first with a belt, today with a razor. But I managed only to make some superficial cuts on my wrist. Is it a sign that I won’t find courage to go ahead or that I’m closer to it?",1.826730769230771,2.8419520576923105,3.77615384615385,91.14384615384618,76.5,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.2736000000000001,185,4,44,2,4,63,39,52,0.16699999999999998,0.679,0.154,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,2,0,11,7,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,1,1,4,3,7,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,28,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798423673074786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218035922199597,0.36714846778471577,0.30632772367024985,0.2850846499017764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047763181643304,0.2811140632438212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637409398156803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447440234694326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549022488519898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176899557085667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Epilepticdinosaurs,2018/03/23,"Here for anyone If anyone needs to talk about their problems, i️ will listen and talk",6.881875000000001,7.7068484375,5.400000000000002,84.845,64.625,6.4,22.25,3.1291,0.1583249999999996,69,1,12,0,1,20,14,16,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706670714021606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025803288489406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390469936573202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6559858739664047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artacuno53,2018/03/23,"Got home from the hospital today and fucked up Last sunday i posted in a discord im in that i was going to kill myself. One of the friends I made over a year of being there called a welfare check on me and I went to the hospital and stayed in short term observation for three days.

When i got home today i mostly was normal. Went back into the discord and let people know i was okay before getting back to general goofing.

But then i got mad anxiety late tonight. I left all the discords i was in because i dont want to keep unloading the same issues ive had for years on peoole and being annoying. 

The friend messaged me and asked if i was ok or mad at her. I said no, but she said she'll just leave me alone unless i talk to her first thinking thats what i want. But it isnt.

Now im all alone. I have family but i dont really talk to them. No friends from the discord. No steph. I gotta think about school and work for when i start partial hospitalization.

Feels like im crumbling, in full fall, like sunday was just attempt 1.",2.4982189542483653,3.811122601851853,4.0060348583878,88.97186274509804,75.2962962962963,6.934204793028322,23.816993464052292,7.5105763829236425,0.9067846405228756,806,24,177,10,17,268,123,216,0.16899999999999998,0.748,0.083,-0.9061,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,3,9,12,5,0,11,2,16,1,0,1,2,31,37,17,1,4,9,0,1,2,3,2,0,2,2,0,4,8,0,1,4,0,1,4,6,5,0,3,15,3,29,7,26,17,6,39,0,0,0,1,15,14,1,3,21,117,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308214121619567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524573651346819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417456398674133,0.0,0.0,0.1713697882442818,0.0,0.06792836037174954,0.0,0.09482104923453302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378528035160353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186489483689815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611966687059555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504886436603852,0.0,0.05634373849489779,0.07960756744263954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478462662416097,0.0,0.0,0.25827796162772304,0.103017766989845,0.05821900430416399,0.0,0.06332979070670937,0.0,0.2673688108872873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355223576524808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610994240545268,0.1163068231740957,0.0,0.09904653401366573,0.1232838100498745,0.0,0.061240516394588176,0.09083255094770208,0.1257009776324527,0.11799117570083732,0.1210719915505302,0.11394752032477325,0.0,0.10888081030575167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544034725182376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918041992094736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550970446755183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725342707339745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672175632962913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071386662805558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119960957672219,0.0,0.0,0.1127758759286856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887266267398946,0.1187724678584898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913082120189994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280319299507666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125040470932135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145182728432725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065985216496308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811243575173303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351805447453966
suicidewatch,40oz_Queen_Cobra,2018/03/23,"About to bow out I'm trans. I live in my truck. My hormones couldn't be delivered to my UPS Store mailbox. My truck is broken down. I don't have the money to fix my truck even though I work full time plus some overtime lately. I have nobody. I reached out to the only two contacts in my phone and neither has responded.  Sitting in front of a Ruger with a round in it's chamber.

Why should I not bow out now?",0.2312790697674423,2.432218872093024,1.7593488372093056,97.7664651162791,87.02325581395347,4.370232558139535,20.227906976744187,5.6839178017228535,-0.21661488372093096,317,10,72,2,10,102,60,86,0.041,0.941,0.018000000000000002,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,9,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,12,0,17,6,3,15,0,0,1,0,3,10,0,1,3,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573025191448384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367584892546343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34188905687870524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29446957976715904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38040463553994736,0.0,0.2257691077951733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782208389813748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493717957009999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818733195108776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,078912304,2018/03/23,"I HAVE A VOICE. Nobody should have to read this, but I need to get it out. I exist. I *EXIST*. I'm shrinking under so much unbelievable pain - probably nothing like anyone else's here, but I'm weak and can't it in for long, and it just hurts. Please, it hurts so much. Please, I need someone to tell me I'm not worthless. To not hate me, to not scrape my soul out and shatter it into a million pieces. Please, it hurts, it just hurts, I can't do this, I can't do this. Please, please help. 

please",-0.980160256410258,1.1331856634615391,0.8428461538461569,101.36882051282056,96.21153846153842,3.542564102564103,14.625641025641027,5.2151,-1.1757466666666665,375,8,90,2,15,121,54,104,0.215,0.546,0.238,0.0034,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,2,0,8,3,0,0,0,16,15,7,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,0,1,10,1,11,14,3,6,1,5,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982486455859167,0.11697266484041158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536786902517634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964503756561765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271153730703608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076520516142842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888519845159813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577388430530891,0.0,0.0,0.1010299544177818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784470516392913,0.1692996493322419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954170975523084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147662970456895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7518948792100423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308616022178576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419309379137348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096729261486935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978279459668496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RidetoHaven,2018/03/23,I’m finally going to do it. I’ve been wanting to do it for seven years. I finally have the motivation to do it. I’m going to slit my wrists or whatever it takes to die.,-0.5668421052631594,1.2000252105263165,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,86.36842105263158,8.010526315789475,22.657894736842106,8.841846274778883,1.8752421052631576,130,5,30,4,4,51,23,38,0.102,0.836,0.063,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,0,3,11,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,6,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35603894111694145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7516042166644316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38993432852192345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25793612426703416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023438710009174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209174212396915
suicidewatch,WillSztej,2018/03/23,"Fuck My girlfriend and I broke up and I have to deal with seeing her every single day and her not being even remotely phased by it. In some cases she seems way happier without me and it makes me so angry and sad at the same time. In the classes we have together I feel like every 30 seconds she makes sure to laugh really loud at every joke somebody tells her so that I can hear her being much happier without me. Meanwhile, I've been depressed since the breakup and isolated myself from all my friends and family.

Tonight I got rejected from my 6th college and I'm 100% expecting a 7th tomorrow from another school. I worked really hard in school and I was in the highest leadership position in my band. I worked hard for absolutely fucking nothing. I feel worthless. I don't see the purpose of life and I'm not really sure why I exist. I'm a fat and disgusting person who doesn't give a shit about the closest people in my life, I really have no purpose whatsoever to be living.

Tonight I think I'm going to sneak out of my home in the middle of the night and visit the Pennybacker bridge. I want to hang off the edge look down and see if I actually feel anything... if I end up giving myself any actual indication that I want to be alive. Nobody actually gives a shit about me in reality, if I did jump and die people would be sad but nobody would ever think about me or how I'm feeling when I'm alive.",4.2094680851063835,5.307453315602835,5.809709219858156,78.52350000000003,70.80851063829788,9.186099290780142,28.639007092198586,9.516144504307137,2.578973900709219,1113,41,216,25,20,380,155,282,0.094,0.7909999999999999,0.115,0.4483,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,9,17,5,0,14,0,16,7,3,3,4,47,45,23,1,8,9,0,6,1,2,2,3,2,1,1,5,17,1,0,7,2,0,4,7,11,0,1,4,12,38,6,35,34,5,31,0,6,4,2,19,17,4,6,10,142,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.2981780431556864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926272818054056,0.10680051070625457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381536702098714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568599594872332,0.10500475098765998,0.08772482070286462,0.0,0.10570610567656684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021047860579733,0.0,0.0,0.06727216451482855,0.09213079956704018,0.25744364586536345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601682845047103,0.0,0.20599735583897646,0.0727629583873004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869046112907102,0.18832072712272693,0.0,0.2931166309989504,0.05788473475450726,0.0,0.08146020236359841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247844452128964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479440007869375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216567690059904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388190087009053,0.0497596530327436,0.0,0.08993702038761882,0.0,0.08552987421095347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359737574264669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487280468598523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558103058581778,0.0,0.0977295653319766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122245108087894,0.08893307796189999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609955280380483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615895274536533,0.24348813395417895,0.09272206887381797,0.0,0.0,0.20909885291935096,0.08425287549708732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198826423643545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902297732374273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052506342391842,0.0,0.0,0.05939061354008995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014968106538294,0.08084523149113541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919054227698416,0.0,0.0,0.19636303391807866,0.0,0.14829867159257756,0.0,0.0,0.1447052169942293,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,internetrapscallion,2018/03/23,"Ideation becoming more frequent. The last 12 months have been real shitshow. I got out of a long term relationship(5years) and attempted suicide twice, lost my friends because of things I said to my ex in anger and pain and moved out of state on a whim and partially because I lost my job. In said new state I had trouble finding a job. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness comes and goes but every time it comes back it comes back worse. The person I used to talk to about these feelings is no longer there assuaging my dark thoughts she more or less admitted she agreed with how I saw myself and thats what caused the relationship to crumble she couldnt take the black cloud that I was on her life. I finally got a job my depression has been weak but it hit me hard today and ive been going through suicidal ideation nonstop. I dont like feeling like this I just dont want to anymore. Im alone running this life into the ground now and i feel helpless but at least im 2500 miles from my family so it wont hurt them that bad if I do decide to act.",4.232279874213837,5.3200737688679265,4.50501886792453,87.93683647798744,70.74528301886792,7.9174842767295575,29.227672955974842,8.238735603445708,1.8263952201257865,837,32,176,12,15,262,133,212,0.249,0.696,0.056,-0.9923,3,1,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,1,3,8,13,1,0,10,0,14,4,0,3,0,36,35,16,2,3,6,1,5,2,1,1,4,2,0,1,12,16,0,0,8,0,0,7,5,10,0,1,13,9,26,3,22,19,5,31,0,5,2,0,13,10,0,2,14,110,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388178698066455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904731533340044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909954355589416,0.09180909600201613,0.1340569402698835,0.1214383304698661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295562842304062,0.0,0.2841534008549943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470538407651008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577364301433159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264310512649898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036572151798459,0.0,0.22238926847802287,0.07855295531413244,0.0,0.12045198605972232,0.1004982614359461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849521296786532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249082064995898,0.0,0.17588453735176227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849943856031466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771072202537745,0.0,0.23754380672543166,0.0,0.3273446196552933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962923431625609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533107476747804,0.10743839689206627,0.0,0.0,0.09730805444091872,0.0,0.0,0.2400610472699228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776624014040872,0.11686637256707147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619668605506027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700148302265315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600978648922924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515458506569438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361042911438383,0.0,0.0,0.20918764851811636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054915851372186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267361399964822,0.08837888058440925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305022179654845,0.0,0.0,0.08729318956769587,0.06411652734982595,0.0,0.10422591805220406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094967123718707,0.0,0.0,0.06485520061938245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120550812460215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darthtatortot,2018/03/23,"I cant do this anymore My wife of 8 years wants a divorce and she refuses to talk to me. I've been a terrible husband and person to her lately and its all my fault. I just don't want to deal with life. Relationships, work, school. I can't stand it. I tried to kill myself Saturday when all this first started. We have a very messy garage and I cleaned it all out but my car still wouldn't fit. 
Since then I found an alternative method. I'm ready. I'm scared. I've cried for help so much but the one person that can save me refuses to talk to me. I just want to go back to my house and fall asleep in my bed with my wife. I have no friends, no family. I can't talk to anyone about my problems. The past nights I've been taking a lot of anxiety meds and drinking alcohol with it. I love the feeling of not being sober. I'm lost with nowhere else to turn.",-0.06023419203746984,2.042084693989072,1.8009211553473854,97.67196721311478,87.30601092896174,5.4529274004683845,18.550351288056206,6.868970318607317,-0.049610772833723615,661,18,160,9,21,217,109,183,0.18,0.703,0.117,-0.7473,0,0,3,0,1,1,20.0,1,0,0,3,7,9,1,1,8,0,12,5,1,0,3,31,26,11,1,5,5,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,7,12,2,2,2,1,0,3,8,6,0,2,4,1,24,3,22,20,5,18,0,1,0,1,19,3,0,1,11,98,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593362760876452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405659673572717,0.0,0.14786130817548546,0.1042500780792118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464417828906265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377289424201086,0.0,0.15370949509485965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605548074845187,0.0,0.0,0.12454900922287372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055267102596228,0.0,0.07538646884798167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681938566992582,0.0,0.1634740113778872,0.11518975032236999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847336265181068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993464851666023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203460128186965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495055802211225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818466590227862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530958898530844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627538485600651,0.1267544925287857,0.13456326789111264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656099608478587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960133609546213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991473541724736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103003697702588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423272116652156,0.0,0.26036647641518434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266294102206742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007129220759786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926922775749188,0.1508912131961493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333220003035185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552958831740476,0.0,0.11906675998185293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210022622023158,0.35950862774591896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122512336897364,0.16217159340575818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301826666130533,0.26381873160966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854229794046336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960117275830709
suicidewatch,Random466,2018/03/23,"I'm giving up. I cannot see a better future. I blame myself. I cannot take responsibility for myself. All this text is just glyphs that are assigned meaning. I have never been able to maintain a normal lifestyle - I just lurk most nights on here or 4chan or play video games because I find real life to hard to swallow. I'm a 27 y/o male at home with his parents, I abused cannabis in my youth trying to self medicate for depression since I was young, I fear I still have it now. My parents are getting older and I still can't provide for myself like a real man should. I'm in my childhood bed in a box room. I feel like having one last big blow out then offing myself because I don't think life will get better. The docs prescribed me medication for anxiety and depression but I don't take it. I fear homelessness and what happens when my parents are gone, I really do. I haven't felt better for years and I think I could be clinically depressed or BP or BPD. I don't want anyone to be inside my head because it's constantly filled with worry and suicidal thoughts. I wish life had turned out different, but it hasn't. I've stopped smoking, drinking and any drugs but I still can't function normally. All my friends have cars and good incomes and their independence and I have failed due to the constraints inside my head and the way I'm wired. My cousins are rich but don't want to know. I'm so angry at the world and the housing crisis and needing lots of money to survive. I just want to engage in escapism until my parents pass then off myself. I hate this capitalist dystopia. 

All that matters is having money and what your economic output is. I can't work up the courage to off myself yet but I will find a painless way. Even if I did get a job I fear so many hypothetical scenarios where I would lose my job and become homeless. I refuse to live in such a cruel world, I am insulated from it for now but not forever. I haven't defeated my depression for a decade but I know it's going to beat me. Take responsibility for yourself. People don't like others that can't take responsibility for themselves. I regret so so much in this life.",2.745314685314685,4.823258076923082,4.158275058275059,84.84202797202799,76.62237762237763,6.637762237762238,25.452214452214452,7.61054688173877,1.3600508158508158,1701,62,336,24,39,562,214,429,0.205,0.7070000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9947,8,0,2,0,1,0,37.0,0,1,1,9,18,25,2,3,15,0,40,12,2,1,4,67,72,34,1,12,16,5,3,3,1,4,8,0,3,3,15,18,2,2,10,4,3,5,16,13,0,1,7,4,57,12,42,58,6,49,0,8,1,0,15,20,0,7,25,224,72,5,0.08025273130103719,0.09508636356799276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457460926812362,0.0,0.06139311978390829,0.0,0.0,0.056114575694629916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676396036657247,0.08863283658511747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129310575002012,0.0,0.0,0.1010755056936142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672469223130674,0.0,0.06407527571969872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764862394964168,0.0,0.0,0.08384702328643168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786171241411173,0.0930676897532874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053006172142800026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709199029032026,0.04057819227057707,0.0573325672767149,0.07705520735786116,0.0,0.14669908501666912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200306112767395,0.0,0.12578621938637508,0.07698573257206652,0.04560947662329802,0.06731218345026294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096722525079198,0.0,0.07189068400284485,0.0792329573854947,0.1647249104568101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050003290268952,0.0,0.0,0.0926008769834385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927690523339058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820960466562075,0.06541668719970742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267395098926005,0.11762229237494892,0.0,0.07086463203701167,0.0,0.0,0.08978227847220632,0.0,0.06822800228731228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136367337499714,0.0,0.08741875128119034,0.0,0.16169236754050384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058994991503874786,0.059506383381053116,0.061895853803311564,0.0,0.0,0.07531175185691145,0.15726127481355304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054381327686593525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564446433574581,0.0,0.0,0.05563713912290712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269035555884,0.0514119546600746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395103649077849,0.0,0.08372110121732887,0.0,0.0,0.06638588864106049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922698046510624,0.06709487684709846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778346249796616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136026545095446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284541950888264,0.0,0.06371170433594814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448633662576791,0.08729192650360999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200542059376695,0.1274017652991989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922866804031326,0.0,0.0,0.05842494419257181,0.08150054419648373,0.0,0.05700923775290909,0.0,0.0,0.051680127768717284
suicidewatch,Generic_Memer69,2018/03/23,"Why am I a terrible person? Hi, long time contemplator, first time talker. Don’t know if I’m gonna be doing this right, wouldn’t surprise me if I did it wrong. Like everything else. 

I’ve never liked myself, always had self esteem issues. A few years ago, I thought about killing myself, but I never got close or anything. 
A couple days ago I got into an argument with my girlfriend, said some pretty horrible shit. We talked it over afterwards, and we forgave each other for all the stuff we said. But I feel terrible about myself, worse than I did last time I wanted to kill myself. My gf is watching me now, making sure I don’t do anything dumb, but we’re not around each other all the time. 
I’m scared. ",3.5044935064935068,5.0578936571428565,4.545064935064937,85.14538961038964,73.14285714285714,7.090909090909091,23.441558441558442,7.686295010490155,1.0875714285714286,552,15,108,7,11,180,95,140,0.276,0.639,0.085,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,3,0,0,1,4,12,4,1,6,0,11,1,1,1,5,29,23,7,2,4,7,0,1,2,2,2,0,2,0,2,6,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,8,4,20,4,9,12,6,20,0,0,1,0,12,5,2,4,17,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25709692305209064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066542394504935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386726026792262,0.1290955147121461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045810393203078,0.0,0.09352370674898622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114275686677432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033156471922294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332474761283363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335104149013185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319660368250632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135964852000913,0.0,0.0,0.3208787523914185,0.0,0.07969732801311027,0.1182078799026307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416955663364975,0.0,0.0,0.12833512302831915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679970312879027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236914758619988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266228970644864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475340113603878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238433796371411,0.27588798032003664,0.0,0.14518690978551788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512839353634872,0.0,0.1488574506599901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600930617679233,0.0,0.0,0.13667642443689132,0.0,0.0,0.1165588458023455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151269777930509,0.3382413705777844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553454488773338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085492095572504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778429925744482,0.0,0.15855288137236873,0.0,0.0933859325218851
suicidewatch,ChiefHoppersRadio,2018/03/24,Can't stand loneliness but I don't want to be your friend because I also can't stand closeness I can't win. When I'm alone I crave to be close to someone that loves me and when I'm getting close to someone I shut down and build up a wall because interacting with people is painful. It seems so simple and enjoyable when I imagine it but in real life it's unfulfilling energy draining fake bullshit. I'm uncomfortable because I desperately want to be with people and be alone at the same time at all times,4.695714285714286,5.6881003921568665,5.710504201680673,80.0744117647059,69.58823529411765,8.573669467787116,31.23809523809524,8.841846274778883,2.486244817927171,408,17,80,7,7,135,61,102,0.263,0.588,0.14800000000000002,-0.9163,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,0,1,18,17,11,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,12,13,2,17,0,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,5,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492400990348365,0.0,0.17343714126558632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966201799242143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755929179675635,0.0,0.1133097272663809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318724192389346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574073046074933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23077332738572004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007115926046105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468544781402249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743745266587712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367519803326644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25292644118146884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558403544732078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watervolcano99,2018/03/24,"Constant suicidal thoughts I have constant suicidal thoughts and urges, but I don't think I'd actually kill myself. I think about taking all of the pills I have, and I feel impulses to do it, and the thoughts really scare me, i get the feeling you get when you're looking down from a height.

I can't gauge how serious it is. the thoughts are constant, never ending, I can't function in college whatsoever, but I know that i really wont do it, and even if i did i wouldn't take enough to kill me, so i just ignore it and do nothing. Im in therapy, im taking antidepressants, but they're not helping. 

I feel like a faker because i keep having the thoughts but I don't have intention to actually kill myself because im too scared and because dumb things like ""i wont get to read the ending of my favorite book series"". my life isn't even bad. im just a failure

should i drop out of school? is this serious? when should you take suicidal thoughts seriously? Where is the line? ",2.7020364287847123,4.538596796954317,4.323320394147508,84.70644371454168,75.95431472081219,7.680979396834878,28.339504329650644,8.4952907291091,2.1025021797551497,767,33,157,15,17,257,96,197,0.301,0.644,0.056,-0.9959,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,2,0,0,11,13,4,2,10,0,22,2,0,2,2,36,43,15,6,4,8,0,3,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,12,2,0,0,10,11,0,0,7,4,26,2,13,31,2,15,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,1,10,103,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.17963193972410454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768480211880881,0.1683168286404438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983816692749211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303698706888012,0.09510002513645054,0.0,0.1215806764979832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961178107799266,0.06575208162636546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425842339566608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061691240192138924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39766803698697134,0.0,0.0,0.08180774766127179,0.3054797704043464,0.0,0.05058176706277487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650092760124635,0.08993039426719132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728887603328839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098550483473343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831309912955493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206306925866256,0.0,0.11792400724232566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842925135489388,0.09314753405686947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020244338834353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768049754112062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525365993814093,0.0,0.06114606544314969,0.11794867628738295,0.0,0.4384081212166671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Amethyst0917,2018/03/24,Someone said they’re gonna commit suicide 5 hours ago and they haven’t replied to anything How do I get this person found by someone all I know is their reddit username?,6.187058823529411,6.324045352941178,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,66.05882352941177,6.8000000000000025,34.64705882352941,3.1291,1.7556352941176472,138,6,26,0,2,42,31,34,0.138,0.795,0.067,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28108579308381426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609423598503189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34767855782802565,0.0,0.0,0.16566917248042098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312274932157412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742672482057449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768753279612765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016301822283464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373475266086651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468507200657482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omorii,2018/03/24,"it would be easier without me. i have fucked up everything. i've caused so much stress to my family, i should have never been born. my mom is embarrassed of me i think, for being transgender (ftm). she doesn't want me to come out to my grandpa because even though it would be okay, she would have to ""choose between us"". she has said to me that sometimes she even wishes my grandpa would just die so he wouldn't have to deal with me.
i'm such a fuckup. i remember when she told me how i was a monster and that i'm selfish and terrible. i'm a terrible person. why am i like this? i'm thinking about just hanging myself in my room or going out to the highway. 
it's  not worth it. my life isn't worth it. all i do is make it more complicated for others. i've done so many shitty things, i've fucked up people's lives, i'm a terrible person. the best thing for me to do would just be to die, i honestly, truly believe, the world is better off without me. i'm not unique, i'm not special, i'm not anything good. i'm worthless.
worthless piece of shit.
that's all i am
sure, i know people would be sad, but in the long run it would be better. people would be happier and calmer, they wouldn't have to worry about me killing myself or me coming out or anything. all i am is a burden. i don't deserve to live.
i think i'm going to do it tomorrow or monday. monday is probably best. i can say i'm walking to get boba tea like i usually do but this time skip the light and run straight into traffic. or maybe i could do that tomorrow? who cares.
no one cares. no one will care if i die. 
my life is shit because i deserve it.
i can't do this anymore. 
sure, my cats will miss me a lot, but it doesn't matter. i don't matter. it's best to just do it asap. i just can't be here or do this anymore. i'm sorry.
edit: tonight. I changed my mind ",0.05323797061797464,2.088754736572892,2.41203354547077,93.96517218818774,86.03324808184144,5.27403794682686,20.090465711056922,6.613842558306772,0.18732279783500871,1406,43,320,16,43,479,168,391,0.158,0.6779999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.8916,0,1,0,0,0,2,58.0,1,0,1,5,17,32,5,2,11,1,56,7,2,3,6,65,88,20,4,15,21,3,0,2,0,13,2,2,1,2,24,11,1,0,6,0,2,8,18,16,0,2,5,3,51,16,34,61,10,31,0,4,0,2,18,12,4,8,13,224,75,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304401085216422,0.0,0.0,0.13529000220697535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021879565464237,0.0,0.0,0.09261317493806516,0.25879686124086865,0.1454014601870881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25143035727684515,0.0844437969431529,0.08695850681093377,0.1416189844779261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563137449917797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474635080525418,0.0,0.0,0.2559371827368943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412088643457437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085869048739026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387759416274611,0.0,0.07749245391789737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198830771494046,0.04294699933609983,0.0,0.09343424924365663,0.06894689208529478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909440099782869,0.0,0.045175908595068114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612299377860015,0.08031920407784578,0.0,0.1451712271770284,0.07274592426123051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988495202171591,0.0,0.0,0.05487027795783307,0.0833396291771484,0.08258266368595345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300029134324913,0.0962736461464089,0.0,0.0,0.06042771314640289,0.0,0.06339902427704466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140400858436188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709649411332515,0.14355072036761282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862734364971424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311851015387712,0.0,0.07819264768428415,0.06537009701369624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875774263358848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812995904539406,0.09201808141701852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416177803024836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494827270610698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922232352932924,0.15801460471681006,0.08076276010313573,0.0,0.04793247660002765,0.0,0.0,0.07854725404253109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887853270374802,0.0,0.09053356726801844,0.0,0.04848469676340147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417425521892343,0.0,0.09452790666590707,0.15847902500679378,0.0,0.0,0.08347982397213131,0.0,0.4671498753112436,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flyingbrowniepie,2018/03/24,"Loneliness is killing me. I have been thinking about suicide for a few years. I'm diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. Been through many psychologist but barely any progress. I have a mother that doesn't believe in therapy or medication. She believes that praying, going to church and pushing me to go to social events would cure me. I don't have a good relationship with her. She is very perfeccionist, controlling, gets easily angry and doesn't have any empathy. She even once said she was hoping I would be the normal one in the family. Feeling unloved by a mother feels like something is wrong with me. The few friends I had are gone because they moved on with their life like getting jobs, moving away or getting married. Meanwhile I'm here still stuck trying to finish a degree I should of finished years ago. Never had a boyfriend. Why would a guy want an ugly girl with mental problems? I'm not approached by them either. I don't have a sexy body either. Only a ugly face. I get sad when I see couples because I know I will never feel what is like to feel loved by a guy. I'm just the shy weird ugly girl. Even my grades are horrible so what is the point of speding my energy into that. This is my last year. I have promised to be dead before I turned 24 years old. I don't want to go to therapy to have someone tell me that life gets better. No, life gets worse as you're older. I'm tired of being sad for years and waiting for things to get better. I want to end this pain. I already have it planned. The clock is ticking. In a few weeks I will be gone.Why would I live if I'm going to stay alone forever? To live in a apartement all alone surrounded by loneliness and sadness? With no family, friends, or partner? No,  thank you. I already feel alone, empty, broken and sad. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. My mind can't take this any longer.",2.275150310738546,4.555693248663103,3.3387931782049414,89.12874620609915,79.08021390374331,6.1822806763983245,24.01185142361613,7.329194593529364,1.0651291516115051,1481,52,296,20,37,475,189,374,0.266,0.593,0.141,-0.996,1,3,1,0,0,2,46.0,0,1,3,5,9,24,1,0,20,0,40,11,2,1,3,48,79,14,3,13,9,2,6,4,3,7,8,1,0,5,12,13,0,2,8,0,0,9,13,11,0,1,8,8,39,13,42,60,7,39,2,5,1,1,24,10,0,5,23,185,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729618529303072,0.0,0.0,0.2358825604368515,0.16755345447261827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487928475201165,0.0,0.05807659525397711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132688658300035,0.0,0.0,0.0925570721288356,0.0,0.06460010697521938,0.17106580171572622,0.0,0.13428552349153014,0.0,0.08432710550248528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514780783041047,0.0,0.08400114762781885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538753642528021,0.07705455240215063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724027371635215,0.0,0.0,0.1002854396823442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313631689280934,0.0,0.2303166794844068,0.1627061949117916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730717377758534,0.0,0.27764591886302714,0.0,0.17258240812132805,0.06367590452582003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034030285095004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540309760510885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533629493911362,0.0,0.08399134350259904,0.0,0.04172221191650005,0.06188280508835184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144907896921899,0.1483576073051617,0.0,0.1340728917872741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851840813269394,0.0,0.0,0.07696831735557205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647878311413404,0.0765068727628031,0.0,0.07665492188755534,0.0,0.0,0.16137634132704215,0.0,0.0,0.11710434204636948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438292302637697,0.0,0.0,0.07966252971256449,0.0808495422554121,0.051443587954883616,0.05773859576437565,0.0807814551153179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176647184707527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264268898604878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815068651475005,0.0,0.0,0.0722148224231197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049633045885301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477643640313454,0.06432455785238822,0.058444915507199886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091783619047857,0.060627725406280274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830413023386268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057080428948414676,0.0,0.06635514471052137,0.06989453252674299,0.17363630256239762,0.0,0.050436140301566575,0.04864479785003868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872558714535646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051542924194513486,0.0825763196647138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263979713763028,0.17911217336673302,0.0,0.06089635067602485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700727185065786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736630581311685,0.21571814160069916,0.08300374782328285,0.0,0.2444415492861395
suicidewatch,doomqu33n,2018/03/24,"(27f) i missed the chance to have a life. I've had mental problems for as long as I can remember. Horrible social anxiety & depression robbed me of a carefree youth. Now, I'm 27 and I see those around me settling into their lives and I realize that I completely missed the chance to build one for myself. I never got to go to a party, or have a boyfriend, or have any kind of fun because of the constant mental stress and now I hate waking up to my life everyday. I have no support, and am all alone and know that the only way to fix this is to just let myself go. For those of you who are still young, go out and create a life for yourself so you don't end up like me.",1.3632896890343709,3.155847631205674,3.1180141843971647,92.02615384615385,79.78014184397162,6.3242771412984204,21.484451718494267,7.321109707123232,0.5886896890343705,520,15,116,7,13,173,88,141,0.188,0.6990000000000001,0.112,-0.8911,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,0,6,10,1,1,9,0,11,4,1,0,2,18,22,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,2,1,17,4,22,19,1,19,0,3,1,0,5,5,0,2,11,82,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523433359985005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833220214983232,0.0,0.1150579686844035,0.0,0.129433224502454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506188542565464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031393132100062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739707042850875,0.1828389988811604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457268568307835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985598596947833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884711665412104,0.0,0.13532018819913208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670444049327843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618989261573134,0.09298479702729308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301269931973842,0.3585209465344393,0.08265981936871944,0.0,0.1494017222127626,0.14973168691800956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410162457004725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049312315929829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465047907608207,0.12867993716479273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189615508407953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166423067996607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348260015521339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724723458137366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511883675802824,0.0,0.1938115710378325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919997579591208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342986099095615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garbage00000000,2018/03/24,"depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed Hi, so this is going to be extremely rambly because I'm so anxious/depressed I can barely string thoughts together. Right now I am in an outpatient program (I was inpatient before that), and I'm terrified. I have horrible suicidal thoughts every time I go home, but when I'm at the program I'm fine. My new medication is upsetting my stomach even more than how my stomach usually is and I was told to tolerate it for a couple more weeks and see if it will stop. They want me to go home for good in a couple weeks and that's even after I bargained for more time. My mom is spending tons of money for me to stay in a motel and drive a couple hours back and forth on the off days from home to the program. I'm beyond anxious and I feel like there's no solution to my problems and I feel like such a burden to my mom and it's driving me crazy. I feel like I have no future, I'm 20 and I don't have a job, I'm not in school, I don't know what I want to go to school for (maybe I want to be a therapist, maybe that's what I think I SHOULD do because I think my life has no worth if I don't help people, I dunno), I don't know if I could even handle school (I suffer from severe undiagnosed fatigue issues and also some GI issues from taking antibiotics for a year and I could only manage to take one class a semester when I was going), I think I should probably go to school away from my family to get out of my shitty area and house and to become more independent and reduce distraction, but I have this fear that by leaving my parents I'm going to regret leaving and losing that time with them when they die which is very overwhelming, aaaaaand lastly I have only one friend who I met through the program but they live hours and hours away from me so I'm struggling to accept that too because I already feel attached and I'm trying to find reasons to stay in the area afterwards (like going to school in the area) just so I can be close friends with them and hang out all the time. I'm really trying not to kill myself right now but I'm just drowning in pain and anxiety and fatigue and I can barely get out of bed. No one can seem to help me and I just want to die to make it all stop. ",3.545714092872569,4.302148881209504,4.911127834773222,85.62265287526999,72.0669546436285,7.860934125269978,26.563782397408207,8.07648339933343,1.5027495140388765,1744,56,370,24,32,583,191,463,0.21,0.701,0.08900000000000001,-0.9963,2,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,5,1,22,25,1,6,17,0,32,7,2,4,2,76,76,40,5,13,12,3,4,4,2,3,5,0,4,0,16,30,0,2,15,1,4,11,10,16,0,3,7,5,55,9,59,61,8,60,0,8,1,0,16,22,0,6,29,248,71,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438804766508521,0.05390734422390142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156807479233109,0.2284606066188727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266668683290071,0.051833736317891115,0.0,0.12327659698091865,0.07444848481662926,0.057360510434925564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076419840621532,0.22376195322244027,0.0,0.04347354393854831,0.0,0.1161193886838335,0.0,0.13992081457637934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356999574884992,0.0,0.056795402066952924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354766720352573,0.07585441639507251,0.136337052836672,0.1444720578349036,0.0,0.0,0.061611051977268835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104160808404574,0.0,0.07043735185085398,0.0,0.3064829296869566,0.05653988138762243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036631946845013,0.0,0.20285164194892813,0.0,0.1991543050036,0.07778150005937709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071598654913606,0.06689351665688913,0.0,0.07457861234304695,0.0,0.07409298479714939,0.05494773078896771,0.0,0.14275383197409616,0.0,0.0,0.04761331581484003,0.13173148591213174,0.0,0.05952381403450814,0.0,0.0,0.07541397582623212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499635753855012,0.0,0.13544378486854486,0.0,0.0,0.06790796861298537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789835826502344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510450480302306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703524352497054,0.10253590837274837,0.07172844931770993,0.0,0.07485026047169968,0.0,0.0,0.04673325222142274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267883070720244,0.0645017773918501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318424495224252,0.06930818201579245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513467105412678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411100098679002,0.053716635421221126,0.061367067318363076,0.0,0.07615353553962423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369909291190555,0.0,0.1127147028726272,0.0,0.07047103436611828,0.0,0.07373504027093658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136709345021787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826761264155586,0.0,0.12957983656678826,0.0,0.10703120955271003,0.15722806117078447,0.0,0.0,0.06441265577850977,0.0,0.0915332366938678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424202890247238,0.05561988834992111,0.15903945319108806,0.0,0.10814365244753986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340950099025547
suicidewatch,Keb107,2018/03/24,"Loneliness kills I’ve been alone my whole life. No family. No woman to love that loved me. It really is getting close. Women never did take to me, and it’s way past being to late. I’ll be 59 soon and there’s no one out there that I would want who would want me. I’m really bitter on life, and to be honest, I just wanna go.",-1.4281690140845065,0.5700445633802858,1.6381549295774676,95.96371126760565,96.3239436619718,5.093521126760563,9.916901408450704,6.742157984588678,-0.9497109859154932,248,2,59,4,10,87,49,71,0.214,0.619,0.16699999999999998,-0.4576,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,12,16,3,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,1,6,3,7,9,1,9,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23295251379700355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203749510395245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751304418757788,0.0,0.12782898956544536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24884410152936395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25372307059342225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31773969567247795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060037856038075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347457229812258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524137237271802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471456377408776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881830138092301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911419039438766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653309614760307,0.1785334993159257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511186253430129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195578549624521,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shgone,2018/03/24,"I need to talk to someone Through here or whatsapp. I'm alone and harming myself, I need a way to calm down. I've explained in other posts what is happening.",2.154583333333332,4.209811125000002,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,78.375,5.516666666666668,29.416666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.390341666666666,124,6,25,1,3,40,26,32,0.17600000000000002,0.752,0.07200000000000001,-0.5106,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924369980992868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350692982521638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5619146599166545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36289151247802665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210496317435016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30455390200199084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30076151310715826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,offonoffagain,2018/03/24,"Am i suicidal or just overreactive   I've always been the downer of the group, you know, my friends used to call me Eeyore, but recently I've been crying a lot and not any finding enjoyment in life, but I have no idea why. I have a great life. It's like I'm losing the will to live, and of course, I contemplate suicide quite a bit. Am I actually suicidal, or just being dramatic? Everyone kind of blows it off when I mention it. First post here, if I did something wrong, tell me ok? Thanks",1.5987878787878778,3.779706909090912,3.646757575757576,86.55013636363638,80.91919191919192,7.5963636363636375,24.041414141414148,8.548686976883017,1.7310880808080813,380,14,80,9,10,129,70,99,0.275,0.583,0.142,-0.9607,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,3,4,9,0,0,6,1,9,2,0,1,0,15,13,8,3,1,8,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,11,7,7,8,2,6,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,4,4,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.16211796021403613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823265389051814,0.0,0.0,0.11297343116869607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813698640241574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696363049019236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248492888281814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587433989832661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518389156229975,0.14130926049789855,0.0,0.0,0.12835086961670816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315783227212334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875394435508967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299781087428007,0.09130016535849056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346836812722479,0.0811622482184037,0.0,0.14669496927400666,0.0,0.0,0.18585588047577492,0.0,0.14123695292648542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910567993030067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766986631868768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403236640187924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278942367880572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451545558232503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145204086892174,0.15294928250969267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348213470811244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499056018448273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816360052244299,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheCoPilot2,2018/03/24,"It’s becoming too much to bear. Everyday I can feel myself getting pulled deeper into a blackness I can’t seem to escape. I’m losing motivation in everything I love. Art, music, my friends and family. I tried fighting it at first but nothing seems to work. I haven’t told anyone about how i’m feeling and for some reason i’m scared to. I don’t even know why i’m scared to tell people. But i’m also just as scared of what could happen if I don’t tell anyone. Nothing even wrong is going on in my life. Nothing bad has happened in recent time. I just don’t care about anything anymore. I don’t even have any mental illnesses or any problems. But this doesn’t feel like regular sadness to me. This feels like something greater. Something much scarier. I’ve started thinking about suicide and I can’t stop. Most thoughts nowadays are of suicide. I’ve even started pricking and making small cuts in my arms. Big enough to hurt but small enough not to be noticed. I don’t even know why I do this. It doesn’t help my situation. Someone please give me some sort of explanation for this. I’ve felt something was always off my whole life but it’s become too much for me to bear now. Sorry for the wall of text.",1.5181357439241268,4.037096473029045,2.7493583283935976,90.68132261410787,84.26970954356847,4.936633076467103,23.54490219324245,6.367922702773337,0.6732844101956137,954,36,188,9,28,306,132,241,0.197,0.6659999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9647,0,0,3,0,2,2,26.0,0,0,0,4,15,17,3,3,2,0,19,6,2,4,0,37,46,14,2,3,10,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,13,1,0,2,11,12,0,1,4,6,21,5,29,40,10,22,0,3,1,1,8,12,1,8,10,115,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531741526506057,0.07836707686146646,0.0,0.0,0.12809415596857146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340336538131648,0.13170867015875326,0.0,0.0775038680815763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863814448789208,0.0,0.20803352595145924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096024958357115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751967670665698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946306333426208,0.0,0.3110320427764658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464482546779784,0.0,0.08878653008789278,0.0,0.1904852589633095,0.13456746485790522,0.09042961444758907,0.0,0.0,0.08011127159177983,0.0,0.0,0.07276487994258621,0.0,0.049206275655940684,0.09034808098205624,0.053525874858091495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656989288316046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631282964071774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082391799394756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352007105036427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330472473093109,0.09202526270556316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536571251779778,0.0,0.0,0.08500304936312862,0.0,0.06286730305373678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949134350798214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770410666437295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27111088127536426,0.1072269791419022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529403024619956,0.0,0.0,0.10338369628263093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011957875310213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683491556305142,0.09299349107313963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28287822674758745,0.0,0.0,0.17147974768034566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586466009975178,0.0,0.0,0.07980021304346381,0.21751801479076774,0.0,0.1054291836340387,0.13332519261160794,0.0,0.0,0.07874047780461385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060399274950655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646386655802836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060348105941084085,0.0,0.07477009090561873,0.05491835734540699,0.0,0.0,0.08999506121921723,0.0,0.06394348393414677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996944630813862,0.10515098461108018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856571228105547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297337410237624,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifePrisoner,2018/03/24,"Stuck in the prison of my own life I don't think I'm suicidal, I have too many responsibilities to actually consider killing myself. It's like I've managed to find just the bare minimum enough in life to force me to cling to it but not enough to make the process less than constant frustration, depression, isolation, and bitterness.

My family are all gone, mostly dead through sudden and unexpected tragedy but a couple who have severe mental and neurological diseases. I have no friends anymore or people that I meet who I'm able to find that kind of connection to. I work in a financially comfortable job, but I have no opportunity to advance or move to another workplace and it's a toxic and terribly mismanaged place. 

I hate my physical self, I suffer from hyperhidrosis and have other body issues that have always made me very uncomfortable with my body. At least I used to be in shape but my significant other has bad eating habits and I've always had a tendency to eat poorly when stressed and I find I'm always stressed now.

I am outwardly a charming, intelligent, and funny person but inside all I feel is anger, isolation, and sadness. I've worked very hard and I'm sure to people looking at my life it seems that I'm successful but mostly I feel like an abject failure. I have abilities I never get to utilize, and all my attempts have been utter failures. Not the right timing, not the right place, didn't know the right person, didn't have a big enough public persona.

I still try constantly to get better, to roll with things, to not give up but I wish I could. I wish I could just stop fucking caring about any of it and just do whatever the fuck I felt like.

My partner and I have a good relationship for the most part but on some level I feel resentment towards her because while I struggle so hard and seemingly get no where, she seems blessed by good luck. Things just happen for her, she doesn't even try. Promotion she doesn't really care and there's all kinds of people working behind the scenes for her to get it. Career opportunities that other people work hard for and compete like crazy for she just gets a little message from someone hhigher up the ladder that if she's interested she can skip to the head of the line no testing required. Pretty much the exact opposite of me and it's hard not to notice the difference.

My children are wonderful and it's really my love for them and how much I want to make their lives better the best I can that keeps me going but I often wish I didn't have that responsibility and could just disappear.

Sorry this has been really rambling I'm just feeling like I just have so much I need to get off my chest and no one I can talk to.",6.451941045606228,6.738722680076632,6.981694475342972,74.99888209121248,65.49425287356323,10.183759733036707,31.78123841305154,10.011982343527217,3.0283058212829066,2157,78,402,45,31,708,252,522,0.208,0.597,0.195,-0.6561,1,2,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,15,20,41,8,3,24,0,35,13,4,5,7,92,80,39,3,9,25,0,9,5,2,0,4,0,0,5,24,24,2,3,14,0,1,5,17,16,0,1,10,11,58,25,55,66,19,37,1,3,1,3,26,22,2,13,15,281,82,11,0.06763625026920198,0.0,0.06600322361634364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688363353530506,0.0,0.0,0.045994969528906415,0.07092250572055771,0.0,0.0,0.06707698586444534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647344380672253,0.04123043038712728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098007183249297,0.11963753392306298,0.0,0.1502572530958428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791932973846713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618151664578596,0.0,0.16200612668455006,0.07483822446083152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058255003248495286,0.0,0.0,0.07066548588926848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841753886756858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965898051232,0.0,0.04467310541013935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637614372816809,0.0,0.1367956815121669,0.0966387014133594,0.0649414070388679,0.0,0.18545492223618815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052255599179012416,0.12505724699572066,0.2120228950942547,0.06488285434012199,0.0384392397059866,0.11346015549129553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981051274090855,0.0,0.2423551805109809,0.06677679436469315,0.0694143058348763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059467283155281,0.06711854194755824,0.06011820693724629,0.07482948977869251,0.14086549301752724,0.03717111430719732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433204514200807,0.16521827721283786,0.06778929145023838,0.059724048141253525,0.0,0.0567974156012129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061044356563471874,0.06399905538083399,0.090295444517566,0.06857254184371653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816143205551592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071886630099452,0.14916127882368846,0.05015142255879797,0.05216524585017596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700431922153482,0.0,0.0,0.04583207362232649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324346793707281,0.0,0.18756183895417006,0.1181147297665549,0.14133097177853696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881038219467281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998854154286196,0.0,0.0,0.07261602062907144,0.0,0.1732829645151168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472050601552556,0.07055935994885275,0.07640971091097122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730797536516671,0.0,0.0,0.07571324471500271,0.0,0.0,0.05401439683429091,0.05654693377585999,0.15495419232867014,0.0707080941857317,0.0,0.07398307998687156,0.0,0.0637463654365799,0.0,0.0,0.05436345595075974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986903858862529,0.043338578140417465,0.0,0.0,0.03943924144828818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184114834543446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841600406017169,0.0,0.11161397982649562,0.03989361280359388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333350495765418,0.0,0.07334862824767882,0.1969599829593276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gddub,2018/03/24,"My friend started messaging me cryptically yesterday. We talked on the phone and she had a very peaceful resolved tone that has me fearing the worst... Me and her have a history and have grown to be really good friends. She's doing school overseas and has opened up to me over the past year or so with her daily struggles with mental illness.  Most of the time it's positive discussion but sometimes she gets in a funk that is very pessimistic and so adverse to the idea of their being any hope or any different way to look at the situation (RE: body image, life choices, having more friends). I was happy to learn she started to see a professional about it and it really appeared that her attitude had a positive shift!

She's been studying for exams and just yesterday she started texting me things like ""Thanks for always loving me, sorry I wasn't stronger in the end.""  I tried to understand what she was talking about but she continued to type in this 'end is nigh' kind of message. I'm re-reading it now and my heart continues to sink and fear the worst has happened. I read [This post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/) which has been a great resource. When we talked last night she inferred being a burden on me and other people to which I said something like: ""I love hearing about your problems and helping when I can because you are worth it.""  I am wondering how to handle our interaction next time we chat when we hopefully do.

Since she is far away and I don't have a strong connection with her family or anyone who goes to school with her I don't know what to do.  Part of me wants to try reaching out randomly on facebook to people who might know her but then I am afraid this might get back to her and freak and stress her out even more.  

She has said some pretty outrageous things to me in the past about starving herself to help her body image. Some of it genuinely concerning other times it seems like she just wanted my attention... Or maybe all of it is genuinely concerning and I'm an asshole? I don't what to think about this, is there a difference. We used to have a sexual relationship if that is relevant. Most of me is scared shit-less of the way she was talking last night another part of me would be very angry if she was fucking with me.  Do suicidal people joke about suicide it even thought they are actually serious?  She's such a bright and beautiful person. I am open to any advice. 

I apologize if this post doesn't belong here. All the best to everyone, thanks for reading and existing :)",5.626459627329191,7.218030817805383,5.598625258799174,79.50253416149069,67.94409937888199,9.163892339544516,30.57018633540373,9.534367207540994,2.8313662111801245,2067,81,375,44,35,647,238,483,0.133,0.6859999999999999,0.181,0.9804,1,0,1,0,0,1,60.0,6,2,2,3,21,36,2,6,23,0,47,8,3,3,2,73,78,34,2,9,12,0,0,3,3,3,2,3,0,1,29,31,0,0,12,4,1,2,5,15,0,0,12,6,64,21,58,59,13,47,0,0,3,3,60,16,1,19,29,277,93,8,0.0,0.0,0.0748699254589928,0.0,0.0,0.07497217163150581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383912355619309,0.0,0.0,0.15652144326168144,0.08045005116005123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364603609338449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208315333589807,0.058994734965266714,0.0,0.046769219450094136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051535055413249,0.0,0.0,0.17044242269665627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031700790271575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590642162695354,0.0,0.0,0.10134874901021222,0.0,0.0,0.0733114729132601,0.0,0.0,0.07232698336351573,0.17266789967551205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782644245176935,0.0709285565740004,0.08016850027193707,0.0,0.0,0.06435104922735599,0.0,0.08458663821910903,0.0,0.0,0.06784530186896998,0.08167234552170499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647164042706637,0.09091632888489068,0.10285071934873663,0.0,0.0,0.15240516744960994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661017040147137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989449896622174,0.08432917075639444,0.1250778757277848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054191249692808426,0.11244796319001636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442743307575764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848979413992152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707789133709803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731806202130742,0.16278053279273744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159506694296588,0.14399741629904286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616561083991954,0.14648028806772587,0.15956880738594426,0.06699097808187428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695756572259935,0.07805419043872684,0.0,0.07341290696629542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302292724837919,0.0,0.09830057667493866,0.0,0.0,0.08237106846825312,0.0,0.0,0.14596100761507325,0.0,0.0768124353233154,0.1552941852598831,0.061137762681540975,0.06984512653765425,0.0,0.0,0.07875436785661674,0.06346550310760969,0.08623911197159298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906459692877125,0.0758803448456127,0.08588436560342595,0.1629133773739895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878851682808811,0.08020683613583844,0.0,0.16784355006782395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24666600639904301,0.0,0.14127122455017999,0.0,0.0,0.10194181210469884,0.04916057030384692,0.0,0.06090895900161643,0.13421222050712314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417884997041747,0.0,0.0,0.07987064991015468,0.0,0.06626345850953694,0.0,0.18991186851035916,0.09050563452041452,0.1217972267454173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320209269389779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054501341020414686,0.0,0.0,0.04940666422711002
suicidewatch,ZazBlammyMaTaz,2018/03/24,"Why a reasons to live list? Let’s do a reasons not to get be up list. Let’s be real. I’ve been here for awhile, I’ve been “there” in and out. I get deja vu, I have hashimoto’s, I have depression and all sorts of anxiety. 

As much as I don’t like or relate to a lot of humanity, it really genuinely gives me a punch in the gut when I know someone on this sub was “able” to go through with their plan. 
This is a working list so feel free to add, subtract, converse... 
sometimes it is painful, sometimes it’s worse. 

1. Debt 
Basically I’m broke as fuck every pay day because of probation and insurance and rent and bills, but I’m not in debt. I only had one credit card once. Downside, I have no discernible credit to my name. But being in debt seems to be the American way! 

2. School
I didn’t go to college. I took a couple classes for pharm tech but the teacher outrightly said we would make minimum wage so I was out. I
Made more working as a CSR for a drycleaners. I still work in retail. It sucks but honestly I have no chance at a specialized job. High school wasn’t that bad because my school was so big but I still had plenty of uncomfortable moments. 

3. Job
I have one... looking for another but really lacking in motivation and time and energy. Part of me is like fuck it be broke for a couple weeks a month. Idk. 

4. The Law
I didn’t go to jail but I did go to “holding.” I was in there with girls snorting heroin. It was... fucked. Now I’m on probation... until September. Have to randomly be tested (it’s a careful process for me as I’ve not actually stopped drinking just a lot less [i know, I’m a dick]) and have to go to group therapy for like 6 more weeks. Oddly I’m okay with group. Not really my first experience with it but much more formal. 

5. Coping skills
I watch a lot of tv. I try to paint. I try to clean my house. I have four cats. I personally don’t look to music because it makes me feel... well, just feel. Video games, especially Fallout, making food, occasionally if I’m not being lazy then sewing. But mostly honestly I just watch tv. And on that note, if you’ve been awesome enough to read this, you should watch Lady Dynamite (on netflix). It’s Maria Bamford, a comedian, who has BP2. Its amazing. 

Anything else? I’m gonna nap but I’m generally up at random intervals. ",0.2331410256410251,2.5810340662393187,2.630632478632481,90.09492307692308,89.74786324786325,5.940512820512821,21.68888888888889,7.365786028017652,0.94683094017094,1765,65,379,33,60,602,233,468,0.112,0.741,0.147,0.9561,7,0,2,0,0,0,83.0,1,1,1,7,14,22,4,0,20,1,40,8,2,7,1,69,76,33,0,5,21,0,3,3,0,3,1,1,2,3,17,17,2,2,10,8,11,6,12,9,1,4,17,10,36,14,58,47,14,40,0,3,5,4,14,19,5,11,17,233,53,17,0.08930859881230749,0.0,0.08715230952055265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936478528148838,0.06832083364303068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349336723674674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456894958561222,0.16332507871061352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105606859524414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976365318182409,0.0,0.05759665791789938,0.0,0.07692136529186866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748842669739361,0.0,0.0,0.07460587447858501,0.0,0.0,0.09227965626640833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524634634765133,0.0,0.0,0.08736094661496023,0.0,0.0,0.13547133294794692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759658485264299,0.10799231218440054,0.0,0.0,0.24769308150716854,0.0933201136058986,0.08567294586846569,0.2537806741125081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435943802752826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305013222739827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725000755670178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816334057121813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264818625655774,0.0,0.13089501068435888,0.0,0.07886112896064727,0.0,0.14999346011392856,0.0,0.0,0.2277809310135225,0.0,0.08450595558778587,0.17884254959955112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712852715182508,0.0,0.13130419221225806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511074301775506,0.12103563575984715,0.06792321379635227,0.0950306458606944,0.0,0.0,0.09671250945430808,0.0,0.0,0.0779808236896648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933276698749996,0.10165273758895343,0.17164012582960414,0.18364822781035986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495292893384787,0.0,0.0,0.2711552098697677,0.0,0.08130319416233191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567088595631075,0.0,0.17665697568066133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264392475225773,0.07466598758142518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213216606343783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207656216818327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922513936998606,0.12126935244632983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088900876410956,0.14327594191119328,0.0,0.08029915586380358,0.0,0.08058711936417508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505317078691428,0.0,0.091013092036793,0.06344226620738341,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,linguisthistorygeek,2018/03/24,"Please help! My friend just sent me messages saying her life is meaningless and she's ready for it to stop, what should I do? Apparently she fought with her boyfriend, and that's why. I told her to call a crisis line, but she refused, saying she's not interested. She's been weird for a month, either telling me she's fighting with her bf or being happy with him. This is the first time she's said anything suicidal sounding to me. So I rush to find another friend to call her, because he's better at being a human and talking to suicidal people, but he wasn't there so I finally called her myself and she told me she isn't actually going to do something, but I'm worried. I made her promise she would call the crisis line if her mood worsened. I also told her to eat, as she hadn't for a while. I don't think I did a good job and probably wasn't very helpful but like I said, I couldn't find our mutual friend who is better at this. What should I do? She says she is fine now, but she has been off for weeks, and she only calls me when she's devastated. What should I do?",2.5061484803188847,3.959302726457402,3.8990657698056834,89.17417912306928,75.54708520179372,6.9286497259591435,23.151220727453907,7.594959193182576,0.8486643746885898,840,24,184,11,18,277,114,223,0.219,0.635,0.146,-0.9674,2,0,1,0,2,0,25.0,1,0,0,3,7,15,2,0,7,0,24,2,0,1,0,30,35,19,2,6,10,0,0,1,4,4,1,6,0,1,8,9,1,2,3,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,14,6,46,11,19,14,1,15,0,0,0,0,57,3,0,2,10,128,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.1060343336566312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689359925045377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393717190315845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941610688231724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623678318936849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921979790501229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547587858402888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118405053612547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902930306039568,0.1986225119039716,0.09242426475526744,0.0,0.0,0.2518462281925223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061752728808878124,0.09113700305024393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156682430559032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566205890269868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078260951735048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674821386518263,0.053084710025653487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281463268227713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672961515939208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263914925874291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532963362714133,0.0,0.0,0.11927362937507645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171514805706777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671689049285405,0.25922711890602995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365007898224794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908427818329204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237707983291006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873350195820293,0.0949717019477908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696235275030886,0.0,0.0,0.06335923395500198,0.0,0.0,0.3114815380977517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965406028090266,0.0,0.0,0.0871587288573052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980467591747822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034726500173367,0.0,0.07718737988670403,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corpsedivision,2018/03/24,I just don't want to be here anymore I just hope one day I'll cut too deep and just...stop living. No one would care. I'm only hanging on because of my parents. It's so painful. You can just see from the comments on my posts how much people care about me and want me to live. They just absolutely shower me with live. It's totally not like everyone thinks I'm a nice guy loser incel piece of shit. I should stop whining about bullying and just fill the tub with warm water and do it already.,1.3253398058252444,3.3047283786407746,2.861951456310681,92.8892378640777,80.74757281553399,5.6733980582524275,21.9504854368932,6.742157984588678,0.4111405825242721,385,12,85,4,10,126,71,103,0.236,0.645,0.119,-0.8973,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,11,11,2,0,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,21,15,6,0,5,6,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,0,2,10,6,11,12,3,8,0,2,1,0,5,3,1,1,3,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988641397373917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871803001880876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985319630351506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674683737606427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621932807806278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721965797148658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843436942804994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898732301249026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804058395304577,0.0,0.4773812101571056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247370198539798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442273696081776,0.1370563944798165,0.19175414352161502,0.0,0.20009978921399615,0.0,0.0,0.12493361893278745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258956323654154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436025386863607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849810438068951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013241122208049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547008574183887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258283444636947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801467683909318,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reeddddit,2018/03/24,"[Anxiety/OCD/ADHD/Sensory-issues-psychosis/diet-nutritional problems-possible-allergies] I can't live like this anymore. I am always paranoid when my mom texts me the same time I do or if she smacks her lips at me. (I have sensory issues). It goes away after about an hour or two, usually near the time I binge-eat things I know make me feel like crap.

I can never just relax.

I am constantly paranoid if what I'm gonna eat will make my face hot, following anxiety. (Most of the grain dairy food-group, and some of the meat food-group and fruit food group.) I apparently have a vitamin D deficiency, I've only been eating pears and ground beef and that's it!!!! IT SUCKS

I wish I was 13 when I could eat Portillos and Red Robin and Chillis and Buffallo wild wings and tacos and bread and popcorn and rootbeer without worrying about my head getting hot and having 1-2 anxiety attacks every day, and a meltdown every week.

Today is my 18th birthday. I am trying new medication for anxiety, but I feel my food allergies are whats causing the anxiety. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
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suicidewatch,Throwawayrn14670,2018/03/24,Been up all night in distress. I'm torn between dying and being depressed. All of last night I've been I've been on my computer and drinking heavily. Everything seems to have come crashing down so quickly and I've been thinking about nothing about how much I want to die for the past twelve hours. I just feel so lost and when I think of reaching out to anyone I know for help I get an overwhelming urge to vomit. I don't want to hurt my family but dying seems so much better than any other option.,4.29785007072136,5.26048200990099,4.991598302687411,84.9741584158416,70.48514851485149,7.751626591230551,27.299858557284303,7.957251820313856,1.6070611032531827,397,13,79,5,7,128,68,101,0.102,0.782,0.116,0.1052,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,2,2,0,7,2,0,1,2,20,19,10,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,5,1,8,1,18,13,4,13,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,3,7,52,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546841716197802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872666285784104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017247338947187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626588447317362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624671101569425,0.0,0.5286703409233813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633733173979454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260343368227594,0.0,0.1600703797457974,0.0,0.08585493685824133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887124119202049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381197540436475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721676096484586,0.0,0.18177219928263733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331650346026613,0.13840797814639394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535450200933853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24964203613329775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31868771566973103,0.0,0.16292569633406245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209134022933855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091553223527705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175993188463664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030244057054086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PornDeposit,2018/03/24,"At my wits end, I am nauseated with sorrow. I am a 27 y/o dude, married for 3 years to a great woman. The problem is the dead bedroom. I have never felt so unloved and unwanted. We have sex one or twice every three months. Its a chore for her and almost never enjoyable.

We went through a lot together, but now I’m contemplating a trial separation, or divorce. Ending a multitude of relationships we built in the process, as well as dividing up our appartment and car. 

I am not happy. I will most certainly never will feel happy as long as I feel like dirt and trash which even my spouse doesn’t want to touch. 

I want to chain a rock to my leg and fucking drown. Dissapear. I know its cowardly or whatever the fuck but I can’t help what I feel. 

I am lost.",1.7403921568627467,3.8571263071895454,3.9670849673202646,84.78788235294121,80.04575163398692,7.740130718954247,24.579084967320266,8.648137234880735,1.8371720261437912,587,22,123,14,15,202,102,153,0.237,0.653,0.11,-0.97,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,4,0,0,1,4,13,2,0,11,0,11,4,1,0,4,31,23,15,2,4,6,1,5,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,9,0,0,5,1,0,2,6,6,1,3,3,5,19,7,16,18,2,14,0,2,0,3,10,3,2,6,10,84,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206872330485534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304391014958998,0.0,0.0,0.1134959194964376,0.0,0.14477906534216978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26065601742633776,0.12275952360098864,0.16498930704727438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177188401648693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944956648301475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36584479011112975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517790872957576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443645697496153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395028784201039,0.0,0.0,0.15206926789624095,0.0,0.0,0.1875790648496979,0.1460886448118172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715768916396412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975910666496675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644037929393054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644236452924853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844873320491877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270640357816214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450101297960986,0.15929350003472664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106566157050952
suicidewatch,thrwawayokkk,2018/03/24,"Afraid for my friend. My friend has severe clinical depression. He saw his doctor and she prescribed a medication- prozac. It hasn't been working, in fact I think it's made the problem worse. He deleted his Facebook, his phone is deactivated. He messages me through instagram for conversation. He posted a photo saying if he's still depressed by this time next year he's going to kill himself. He asks me questions like ""what do you think about suicide?"" He's admitted to self harming. I've been trying to encourage him to go back to his doctor and tell his doctor about these feelings but he won't, he says he will go back when he runs out of pills... I think he needs to go back now. I don't know how to help him and I'm afraid he's going to kill himself.",2.7357428571428564,4.9179215266666665,3.771238095238097,87.10800000000002,77.06666666666666,6.419047619047619,25.380952380952376,7.447530270364453,1.256495238095238,599,22,119,8,14,193,91,150,0.141,0.777,0.083,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,1,9,12,2,2,3,0,9,7,0,2,1,18,25,7,3,3,2,0,1,1,2,2,7,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,6,3,8,0,0,4,4,18,4,17,19,0,18,0,2,1,0,39,2,0,2,10,64,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250986200496645,0.0,0.0,0.30868558322391504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23050869803946236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108948473121928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676607001210772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067697100735683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38024970406651903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896931291293932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960921346148788,0.0,0.07354102382484548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537507140837373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661864311176174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480416671934514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922185627166748,0.0,0.0,0.14231338238524086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815743052029807,0.0,0.0,0.12804253360573015,0.0,0.0,0.14990301608503698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128295373096944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959784816189105,0.15117244869533691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068645403429864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463714916637968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169598890831499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572290446731844,0.0,0.0,0.07802838976018536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085135332175112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974186479832571,0.0,0.13636854513920485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861722376359672
suicidewatch,CaptainE0,2018/03/24,"I feel like a melodramatic worthless fucking mess. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. All I ever wanted was to be loved. My mom died when I was 18 but all memories of her, are of her being a drunken mess who’d verbally and physically abuse me. My father was never in the picture. My mom remarried to a man who’d molest me and nothing came of it when I told my mom because he was basically supporting us. I had no other people I could tell, I was made fun of at school on a daily basis starting from elementary all the way til high school.  I’m just a broken adult who moves from relationship to relationship because my past always catches up to me somehow. I’ve been feeling especially worthless these last couple years. Shitty minimum wage job, did poorly in school, no friends (don’t blame people, I’m not exciting or fun) still don’t drive, no motivation to better myself, nothing really sticks in my brain (I suspect I have ADD but I haven’t been diagnosed but that’s a whole other issue I won’t go on about) and no passion for anything. I just don’t see a point in continuing this for, for god forbid, 30-40 more years. My boyfriend is sick of me. I expressed interest in the emptiness I feel, how depressed I am and that I want to just die and when I got home from work last night, he left numbers on the fridge to get help (a suicide hotline and a scaling cost mental health clinic) and hasn’t been back home since. I’m so heartbroken. I push people away but I don’t really want to be alone. I don’t have anyone anymore. 

I just looped my belt onto my bedroom door knob and tried leaning into it to see how it felt. It was so uncomfortable. I just want to disappear without pain. I don’t want to do this anymore. I wish I wasn’t such a coward. ",4.319768907563025,5.070732324929973,5.746264005602241,80.35872373949579,70.28851540616247,8.527030812324929,29.44082633053221,8.72156446121922,2.2106994397759103,1388,52,277,23,24,470,191,357,0.251,0.623,0.127,-0.9956,2,1,0,0,1,1,39.0,1,0,0,3,19,20,2,0,14,0,35,9,1,4,5,47,60,23,3,7,12,4,4,1,1,1,5,0,4,2,14,11,0,1,7,0,3,7,17,10,0,0,18,6,43,10,41,35,5,41,0,4,2,3,22,16,1,2,18,186,57,7,0.0,0.10979729170949674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597685682039908,0.0,0.0,0.07710780687075185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380495859587556,0.06479613064908354,0.0,0.07625846887634677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706532227320997,0.07125653324624437,0.0,0.11297999533716413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195796101244165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344895003360226,0.0,0.1059883398523138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398844035645043,0.1025361871224394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963088266564304,0.09405681025631818,0.1923510224027975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382417164118419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056828276719366,0.0662025592053956,0.08897651316697039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159563089873543,0.08567074761161336,0.04841558664762289,0.0,0.0526657747926687,0.0,0.07411564880518752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985025265710604,0.0,0.0,0.062113896324716464,0.09790960107776878,0.18590858380908568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672207799494152,0.0919594154738671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107476650948334,0.0,0.0,0.10068484625553294,0.0,0.0,0.04527326058412577,0.0,0.0,0.08200890990701906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363714682510945,0.08768539293209794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338828389008208,0.0,0.0,0.3255974896224734,0.0,0.09849219444452187,0.0,0.0,0.07147183739749385,0.0,0.0,0.08696332552326141,0.0,0.17783629138798135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860606231746373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846278844004106,0.19273448783615024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876019030005729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873192267219633,0.0,0.0,0.19898307136365373,0.1049756063647266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28135710622568944,0.14768995984753905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766565310419574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559140403485304,0.0,0.07400536745771177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013645498417531,0.10515937659382056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099655453184942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885489427158281,0.0,0.06291598471323855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146907215201207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732920894963464,0.07355612447445428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034613276184007,0.10656446612219253,0.08932934879803897,0.0,0.06746393909612301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935124767177373
suicidewatch,c1k4bly4t,2018/03/24,"What should I really do? So, this may be a long text to go through, but I really am looking for a help of sort. I am 15 years old, and not a very religious person at all. I live in a god forsaken country that's been in a shit economical state for the last 20 years or so. I am soon about to go to high school, and I'm not very optimistic about it. See, recently, things have started going downhill for me. No reason really, something did happen to me, but I don't know what. I started losing joy in almost everything I used to do. It's like I woke up as different person. There're things I still do enjoy, but the amount of those is shrinking every day and I've started noticing it. A few months back (I do a personality test for myself that I created myself 4 years ago) I did a personality test and I checked it few days ago, almost everything from it is INCORRECT to myself. I apparently used to love photography. I have a camera on my desk. I don't find joy in it anymore. It feels like a few days ago I've been brainwashed. It's like I don't belong to this world. All of my ""friends"" don't feel like my friends. Now, I do know that a lot of them hate me in general and I do try avoiding them as much as possible without being really noticable. I also used to enjoy KPOP as music but everyday I find it less enjoyable, although I do listen to new releases every day. Now, the thing I still do find joy of is learning Korean language. Unfortunately, the only way for me to do that is through apps, as there aren't any places in my town where I can learn it. For most teenagers, money would be a concert, and although I don't live in a rich family (we're struggling day to day - my dad went to Germany to work and make more money so we could suffice) I do have money. I just don't find joy spending any of it. I have around 1.200€ in my bank account that I saved up for a year or two that'll go towards me getting my drivers licence - if I get to that point. I don't find joy in living. Now, a few months back I finished DDLC (Doki Doki Literature Club) - a physchology horror game that actually gave a different outlook on a life, and just made me feel worse about myself because the game makes you think and if you get immersed in it - it makes you FEEL GUILTY because you think you're the reason of all the bad things happening around you. Literally took me less than a minute to apply that to my own life and see it that way. Now, I'm not struggling with school or whatever not, I'm actually doing pretty well. I do have a few classes I don't really like such as History and PE but there are some that I do like and that I used to enjoy highly but not anymore for whatever the reason ought to be - such as Maths, Chemistry, Physics and English. English although not my primary language, I feel like I know better than my actual primary language. So, needless to say, as I've started rambling, you can really see that I don't really have fun in anything. I used to play games I had fun with such as League of Legends, Fortnite and although I still play them when I'm extremely bored, I find no fun in them and get out of the *can't stop playing* bubble. The whole thing, my whole life, just suddently started not making sense. It feels like I've reached the end point. My life at home doesn't make sense at all. I would much rather go travel all around the world never stopping, but as that is not a possiblity for me, neither financially or physically (as I'm still underage), I have to stick around in this legitimatelly fucked country. So I need your opinions, what should I really do, is there even a way to bring joy in my life again, or whatever not? Suicide is an option that I do have on my side, but reading your (usually) helpful comments does make me feel like there is something to live for.",4.6015811682280185,5.015191967490249,5.829181815769223,81.22274939624745,69.50715214564369,9.034378068522598,29.86812982670311,9.070445807138313,2.3101346620312637,2969,109,614,53,49,997,292,769,0.096,0.745,0.159,0.9944,4,1,2,0,0,1,96.0,1,8,4,3,40,41,3,3,35,0,66,8,1,15,6,114,125,52,1,10,29,1,7,9,2,7,5,3,1,4,42,23,0,3,23,10,8,9,26,9,1,1,10,14,89,32,93,103,23,96,0,1,4,2,30,38,2,16,54,426,131,11,0.0,0.0,0.14534325183055696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202568460220618,0.0,0.09942744931151806,0.0,0.0,0.03970222927735752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752254483848465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847182924680373,0.0,0.0,0.04085477880019945,0.17678338069664598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635007486354962,0.04145269233439287,0.06052800149753713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390822970112433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963863173591877,0.0,0.0,0.19210702739634314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037398978271458,0.0,0.0,0.04344592232811896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397199797475238,0.0,0.0,0.032790996428802344,0.0,0.08365851099606174,0.0,0.08923801370606473,0.0,0.046802232417098966,0.0,0.17571907436985912,0.17733708479835897,0.0,0.0,0.2722556060036254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767134118092901,0.045897321240418974,0.10375283491085384,0.0,0.14107604120563327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780434186009507,0.0,0.0,0.04901556776580245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655390626527305,0.10490835059733868,0.049799413629024285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185313279510216,0.040468463758725835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533369602521312,0.21829262593177434,0.0,0.1753548164009183,0.0439355251064576,0.04169049442714274,0.055541652108371566,0.0,0.04220761637569916,0.044807838176770684,0.0469766490861264,0.198836250907281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925460783987917,0.0,0.07299167163058583,0.036812196128448466,0.03829038466603839,0.047948828010199035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304557108414495,0.05209557310788671,0.0,0.0,0.0377583444518124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339737841842476,0.0518699489135729,0.0,0.09386384023440644,0.11193777256885344,0.0,0.050508263889304635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965986145562307,0.0,0.254438176311171,0.15313438490452158,0.049019856707701134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948083095684127,0.0,0.10048966808179316,0.11868532235479505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096134328956919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764404891377527,0.0,0.0,0.1756999807708967,0.0,0.15859080110380186,0.08301327102651329,0.0,0.10380244859384696,0.0,0.05430513257067382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491439851586084,0.06362285083988152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551590064899466,0.033706664667291296,0.0,0.04849734471181842,0.0,0.0,0.21439286153669004,0.05467852471565958,0.08192700239424923,0.0,0.11822106734177573,0.0,0.0,0.04463809965449684,0.04602273468460776,0.0,0.11085692426053388,0.0,0.04785738343930646,0.0,0.03614318972534651,0.0,0.050593949942549496,0.07053479381715022,0.0,0.0,0.12788268358927293
suicidewatch,vogliadimorire,2018/03/24,"I really want to end it but I'm afraid of what's after life. Hi everyone,

Sorry English is not my first language. I'll try to be brief, I suffered of depression from a very young age. I was fat and I was bullied at school never had many friends and never really have any support from my family. I left my family at 19,now I'm 26,so it has been 7 years without even seen them on skype. Sometimes we talked on whatsapp but thats it . I dont open up about my feelings with them cause they wont understand.
I live with my bf in a different country. Everything started to go downhill this last 5/6 months. I left my job because I couldn't handle it anymore, it was a call center job, and I started to have health issues not just depression but health problems that a person my age shouldn't have. I already live with a rare disease which is precancerous and I was diagnosed at age 23, and all this new problems that I'm experiencing are unbearable for me to handle.  So I go straight to the point. I want to kill myself. I don't know how and when but I have to do it cause I'm tired of knowing what a disgusting failure and horrible unhealthy monster I am. The only thing that it is stopping me from doing it is that I don't want to endure the consequences,the aftermath of my actions. I don't want to have to go to hell or experience another crappy life again. This world is disgusting and I had enough of it . I just want silence for the eternity. ",2.1277401267674314,4.248978593856659,3.875371769868359,85.9161390784983,78.76109215017065,7.189127254997562,26.163944417357392,8.192908349453996,1.7968811311555342,1140,46,230,22,28,382,154,293,0.246,0.705,0.049,-0.9972,3,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,3,1,8,12,4,1,10,0,30,7,1,3,3,43,50,16,1,9,10,0,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,21,13,1,1,4,0,0,5,12,10,0,1,8,3,36,2,35,38,2,39,1,3,1,0,10,14,1,1,20,159,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914648389964785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342262708609283,0.1132149176935351,0.0,0.0,0.10707624267669318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581690445540192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024842767215064,0.0,0.0,0.22182782297290185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598709481589226,0.1095862692425448,0.0,0.11280463214666415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653887193955227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956284931870802,0.11156084603072372,0.0,0.07131251075718159,0.0,0.0,0.10316901297370516,0.09703558149232626,0.10561440634621888,0.20356714136157675,0.0,0.054592373978764534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183838208698802,0.0,0.0,0.08341658687847794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408382425159686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295320108872613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269159194286064,0.2142851588533281,0.0,0.11945170916159895,0.0,0.11867388508374425,0.08800915102981988,0.0,0.0,0.2346172837529728,0.0,0.1525234051492481,0.0,0.0,0.19067722229889586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946362655969354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861798311986218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654470835140858,0.10427713963178448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211529499384553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427437223949156,0.0,0.0,0.10206561015857124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066235160819752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833542100973265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927039914185097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678410855404147,0.12086246363733393,0.15284203755096198,0.0,0.0,0.09026692427478754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252194950460238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678139792820883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172981061256513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409449051366275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733038683924713,0.0,0.0,0.11239954388242256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908573809626266,0.3184145881599516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407826973895823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952850052085441
suicidewatch,Loretheras,2018/03/24,"Picked out a timeline So as of now I'm looking at April 16th as my last day. The reason for this particular day is so everything falls into to place as I'm expecting it to.

I made a mistake at my job. It didn't cost the business money, no one was hurt and very little has happened as a result of my mistake. The businesses reaction to my mistake and the steps they are taking are massive, to say the least. 

I was informed by my manager that I will be put on a personal developmental plan for the business, to improve. I was also forced to sign a written reprimand form that they refuse to give me a copy of. However, I've seen this sort of thing before with others, not particularly at this job. And this generally means I have a small window of time to find another job.

It took me two years to find this job, so getting another one isn't going to happen. We have an eval coming up on Tuesday, March 27th. I was told that this plan would come up during my eval and goals will be set.

The way I see it: the eval will come in the morning. I will be given, let's say, two weeks to improve which they know wont be enough time, and be let go on the 13th.  Giving me the weekend get my affairs in order, find a .9mm somewhere and put a stop to everything. I'm looking at my bathroom as the correct spot to do it. 

Edit: I should preface by saying that there is a lot more going on than just this incident at work. Most of my life I've been dealing suicide ideation (is that the word?). I'm not just depressed. I'm angry, bitter, hate-filled and sad. I don't just feel anger, but genuine hatred. My meds have changed but this hasn't. The small community I live in has little to no mental health resources. Any treatment has to be done in another part of the state. I don't know at age 25 what is broken in my brain, but something is wrong. This could be the catalyst that sets me over the edge.",3.5754944635356978,4.386733907216495,4.886093928980528,85.6269091256205,72.04123711340206,7.706911034746088,27.514700267277583,7.921354282810032,1.5421846888125241,1468,51,313,19,27,489,198,388,0.105,0.87,0.025,-0.9806,5,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,1,0,3,4,9,9,2,0,28,0,42,3,1,4,1,50,73,19,1,7,8,0,1,0,0,7,2,3,1,1,24,14,0,2,9,1,2,11,10,9,0,4,13,9,31,0,53,43,7,55,0,3,4,0,15,25,0,3,14,212,55,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338864622232802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240692582480406,0.2886873672802707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808973467430531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244596383562823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708077002665584,0.2371558672241613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732710876480562,0.0,0.0,0.1183684554329192,0.09461111160764234,0.07904159311091087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939128410765964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482321349014336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495439013528188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046401802396662535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25162907366565185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958923495535141,0.1760687970696796,0.15646546604965686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230428111576686,0.0,0.0,0.09060413552652882,0.0,0.09754749827368037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824196465540884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36427130285696346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086907316839053,0.07480501281684966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876826232316344,0.06482005077627215,0.0,0.18395582502092106,0.08103482360099859,0.0,0.15412781609683734,0.0,0.0,0.07801979592744142,0.0,0.08683524183006883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996471985899774,0.10193607414717236,0.0,0.0924828405795042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437181058019475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937825195922023,0.0,0.0,0.08013025396968264,0.09588039260453816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450892300652355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435511475288906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893818974852336,0.0,0.0,0.07312901813170541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706492320015842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767240491278592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038177288343593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899981687936055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096808501658053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702395678740564,0.0,0.0,0.08769041909272397,0.1019601389379517,0.0,0.0,0.17929242455953198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757200779931564,0.0,0.07284296327175117,0.07361256953875324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680984449436637,0.0,0.0,0.06519096186827797,0.10033637633107176,0.0,0.05909704061156761
suicidewatch,misscoffeetime,2018/03/24,I need to talk to someone right now. I drove for 3 hours with no destination in mind because I was trying to clear my mind from suicidal thoughts. Prior that I sobbed for an hour in front of a church and I feel like I couldn't take it anymore. I even thought of crashing the car intentionally. I am not at my best state at the moment and everyone I know is busy.,2.6552000000000007,4.097249386666668,3.9170000000000016,89.24350000000004,75.13333333333333,7.133333333333333,25.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.1859333333333335,284,10,64,4,6,93,57,75,0.173,0.759,0.068,-0.8346,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,14,11,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,1,11,2,13,6,1,14,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,6,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192682056109744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347783054209296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320270176763927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603207845603702,0.0,0.0,0.21126707273156525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179297651030196,0.1579513031064345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354708095945064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150879216860842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801652671694643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464886469095532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394016951698198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888151065153907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733425128720094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418435620687778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623696729858706,0.17770890095186456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35105166926937936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010993367867576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cyberspaceprincess,2018/03/24,"Tired and hopeless I tried to kill myself (a flimsy attempt so I’m not surprised that it didn’t work), obviously unsuccessful and I’m not sure what to do now. I feel really bad, I’m unsure whether or not to tell my therapist right now or wait until I see him next week. I’m afraid of coming off as attention whoring...really not sure what to do anymore. 

I can’t talk to my parents because they’re not understanding at all, I’ve tried in the past and they’ve always belittled me. My dad once said my struggles were “singlehandedly ruining the family”.  I feel hopeless and full of guilt, I’m afraid that I’m burdening my therapist and everyone around me. 

Any advice is appreciated, thank you",2.9163076923076936,5.261444585185185,4.892592592592592,78.48128205128204,77.22222222222223,8.598290598290598,26.680911680911684,9.265573868473778,2.605826210826211,549,22,104,15,13,188,85,135,0.273,0.688,0.04,-0.9837,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,2,4,14,1,4,3,0,6,1,0,0,4,24,20,11,1,0,8,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,3,4,15,4,13,17,2,13,0,3,1,0,7,6,0,2,6,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624245723169126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155616059331594,0.0,0.0,0.11568963421594855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687165365788327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144574821028578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420457959605478,0.10370554560439768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654610402458704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625600424151692,0.0,0.0,0.16037704626730725,0.0,0.17203883944871334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821615471714456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092799143199287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811756940580916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890172078769496,0.0,0.1624018785535053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108985301199857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528431395821895,0.1618261552113454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556619311739718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778497439228249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206782731019872,0.0,0.0,0.13673861289777794,0.14869520669981354,0.15662661887922855,0.0,0.39505237835544216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553163357811032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100502004634346,0.0,0.0,0.17710428833538625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646259819850975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238517419248622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Akma1511,2018/03/24,"I need help Can someone pm me. I just need help, anyone please.",-1.8725641025641016,-0.9184187692307724,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,121.30769230769228,1.7333333333333334,12.025641025641027,3.1291,-1.9196974358974361,48,1,11,0,3,15,10,13,0.0,0.51,0.49,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762179776118955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529567881678774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858275739964499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336303065061797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347122620446421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pikapoooooo,2018/03/24,"Sweet escape? I really need help. I can’t decide. I wanna live really but i don’t think i have any other choice. It’s just that the stress from school and the pressure from your parents and that old bastard who verbally abuses me for some reason and finally to my love of my life, although i’m not her’s, I mean i have tried it before but got too scared. But now i think it’s the best thing i can do for my self. It’s just so tempting.  ",1.48117021276596,2.9486757872340448,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,78.36170212765958,6.402127659574468,19.196808510638302,7.1686216300943375,0.16545106382978725,340,7,78,4,8,114,62,94,0.191,0.648,0.161,-0.62,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,1,3,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,17,13,8,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,15,3,7,12,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,3,55,24,1,0.0,0.25367885324854283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559841996402836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218718249169186,0.0,0.22468949134207486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345410434131901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123894864745093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435097509703882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512283588765117,0.0,0.0,0.18905821945934947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323769434778001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23322259623036795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587557934769422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466668428366826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773773909454424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743216842467186,0.22013511228083896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143559818439608,0.21668521129374985,0.0,0.0,0.2233577155816928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24525601170012304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422415337612818,0.2743790708141117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536291929026451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eyes_stare,2018/03/24,Disappointed I am so angry at myself for not being able to go through with it. Something always stops me. It’s so frustrating.,2.3912499999999994,5.245158958333335,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,84.41666666666666,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.9205166666666675,101,4,17,2,3,34,22,24,0.401,0.599,0.0,-0.9008,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.5499000861154424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575609232254859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125208913918634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233399519791495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597410948884129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cayden_Stoeger,2018/03/24,"Fuck it Been homless since I was 20. Sofa surfing, sleeping on benches, illegally squatting and homeless shelter for 2 years. Moved into a home through a housing scheme. fucking useless. No help. No idea what to do. I don't have previous electric meter readings so I can't set up an account. The bank put a restriction on my account for my money because I didn't tell them I moved because I kept moving around so much trying to stay away from abusive family members. 
I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. 
Waiting to get evicted from the new property because nationwide won't lift the restriction for 3-5 days meaning I can't pay the housing company. 
I have no readings, no activation numbers so i can't set up account for electric. 
Trying to set up water bills but same problem. 
No heat so I'm freezing every day and night. 
Waiting for the water to shut off. 
Waiting to be evicted by housijg co. 
I have no where to go. No family or friends. 
Nothing. 
The various housing associations don't want to help just bleed you for money from the council before kicking you down the road to the next group to do the same. 
I have severe anxiety, depression and PTSD and right about now with all this shit I really don't see a reason to keep going. Just waiting to be evicted and be back on the streets again. 
I'm Sure you had fun reading my dumb ass whinge. Have a good one. I'm just going to close my eyes and try to forget my life for a bit. ",2.224635208711433,4.584178154385967,3.8518814277072018,84.9505263157895,79.73684210526315,6.036297640653357,29.12583182093164,7.237678284180719,1.8571548699334544,1134,55,212,15,29,377,155,285,0.21,0.7170000000000001,0.073,-0.9883,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,0,13,12,5,0,19,0,23,11,4,1,2,34,43,12,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,4,10,2,8,4,3,8,7,16,8,0,1,5,3,22,4,39,34,6,38,0,2,2,4,9,18,6,1,9,140,26,4,0.0,0.12313140486670665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950058036173784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251323508971546,0.0,0.0,0.09763879672949766,0.07991014084168321,0.0,0.1900509383852463,0.0,0.08843056266471805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134566716729337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340430872168252,0.0,0.08950846845447719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755935614009945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959381436541891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029041953242448,0.2882245821866646,0.054295321027958865,0.0,0.17718499439237054,0.0871654294251114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393143892190519,0.0,0.10424294053517467,0.0,0.0,0.3597385254944572,0.0,0.23463215553654185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237126991871268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340367573290557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320228530192178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313601478198357,0.07639514133671974,0.0,0.0,0.10036919037306402,0.11052296946901788,0.09752441318763186,0.0,0.09971663259610794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042071045002045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994399879705864,0.12148007397277467,0.10447101623650873,0.0,0.0,0.3118524661715954,0.0,0.06657554213556349,0.10684984297478337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874941720649691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281293626462953,0.0,0.0,0.11740306956153244,0.10667515721572698,0.08596593060216738,0.0,0.103997750829354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076776988435018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794591402610674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083301959083584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116700730691132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061296300472832674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692281098017581
suicidewatch,OntheEdge5,2018/03/24,Help!!! Is there anyone I can talk to? I keep getting more and more suicidal everyday.,0.665416666666669,2.905966375000002,2.715,85.09666666666669,104.0,7.133333333333333,24.08333333333333,7.793537801064563,2.4148583333333336,66,3,12,2,3,22,14,16,0.28800000000000003,0.5820000000000001,0.131,-0.6408,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35664854791361184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664873427053099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418850895501748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533682423624866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579271346735809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099700528140093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nemeph,2018/03/24,"idk man for the past 6 years I've felt a constant state of decay. I've led a semi charmed life. A great family, with flaws as anyone else. wonderful friends, who I could easily call family, but for the sake of this, friends. my 14th birthday is when I first contemplated ending it. Standing on that railing was the most ""real"" experience I'd had in my young life. since then I've felt as though things were slowly decaying. And boy did she help as an accelerant. solidifying the feeling of self loathing, insignificance. I couldn't include this because then my loved ones would go on a witch hunt, and vengeance is pointless. I know, I can clearly see I've got family that loves me with all their hearts, but I can't feel as though they could have had better. I've let them down, I've let just about everyone I've encountered who's had faith of any sort in me down. I wanted to give my life to another. a potential scholar, world leader, life saver, who knows. someone who could leave a mark on this world.
not ""but YOU leave YOUR mark, and only YOU can.""
not like that. I mean a real mark. a real difference. not just me being ""special"" We're all special right? nobody is special if everyone is lol. idm losing myself I'm this. I'm sorry if it seems like attentions seeking. That's not my intent. I just had to say something. whether or not I'll finally follow through, I don't know. but I feel it Coming. Now more than ever. Thank you. ",1.548090802013064,4.081501416961132,2.931930613556055,89.31647178498768,84.30035335689047,6.115815397794198,22.003319413213404,7.463857097105799,0.9766051825677264,1123,38,227,19,33,364,164,283,0.092,0.723,0.18600000000000005,0.9853,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,4,3,3,9,18,0,0,13,1,24,7,1,2,4,51,47,20,0,8,16,0,5,2,2,1,4,1,0,3,16,6,0,0,12,0,0,4,8,4,0,2,10,7,28,14,25,29,4,30,1,1,1,2,23,10,0,7,16,138,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849194530430973,0.1056119926246319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042462604484502,0.10319787229715176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061396983449972825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907721337494445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284471664508676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867599574450725,0.0,0.10884077699314294,0.0,0.2412462684830721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522925972129296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413727414297158,0.0,0.08920658092529167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110553179972633,0.0,0.1924814372389318,0.0,0.09852189209098086,0.2848449462767737,0.0,0.1527787021922375,0.0,0.19341085968523788,0.11033205113792288,0.0,0.08567099397523087,0.0,0.0,0.1556295254664102,0.0,0.0,0.09661823795444074,0.05724057066343016,0.0,0.08055368119809514,0.11104235836925054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119351753258022,0.067509400284202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605654623352478,0.0,0.0,0.21329242225490105,0.0,0.2059827141788366,0.2845614529935036,0.098411816092385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267809314406635,0.0,0.0,0.18180452226430716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971183141057428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824937404840845,0.07660085884384035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961470805797606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34391866497163043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601293756903168,0.0,0.08009529027476618,0.0,0.0,0.08025950074989721,0.09169022122914616,0.10507122565407273,0.0,0.0,0.08331527636675724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533834796313762,0.0775379217945829,0.0,0.11274596915588132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272794305365877,0.0,0.0,0.06691280958121525,0.0,0.1979105740808873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594063040832724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092247757861622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715474402176492,0.0,0.0,0.06485932802678264
suicidewatch,BrokeRedcoat,2018/03/24,"i just want my last words to be somewhere i left my ex was happy enjoying life hadnt thought about it in months. my ex then sent guys to beat me to within an inch of my life. police didnt believe she had anything to do with it. she kept calling and laughing. i got out of hospital only to have her send guys to beat and r+pe me in my own home. i cant look at myself close my eyes or talk. i want my friends and family to know i love them soo much and ive been strong for soo many years. i wish i had other options i wish i could lead a normal life but im aware now she isnt going to stop. today has been my first day on reddit and ive seen how amazing and caring people are here. i wish you all nothing but love and joy in your lives and hope you all can get through your problems.never give up fighting. one day i shall greet you at the gates of valhalla just make sure you live and grow old before that day you have more power than you realise. im sorry xx
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suicidewatch,Hjalti_Dovahkiin,2018/03/24,"I don't really have much left to live for, but at the same time i don't want to commit suicide. I want to die a glorious death in a good cause, ex. while trying to save others. Is it normal to feel this way? I've been confronted with suicidal thoughts for a very long time, but i have no wish to go ahead with the act itself. It would ruin my family. At the same time, i am thoroughly fed up with my life. Having failed to make my life count, i should at least ensure that my death isn't in vain. I would like to die in a good cause. And maybe i will get an opportunity to do so someday soon : ) ",1.7944094488188966,2.935096826771656,3.5787480314960654,92.02481496062993,76.79527559055119,7.2847244094488195,18.9992125984252,7.908726449838941,0.2996998425196846,455,8,110,7,10,153,78,127,0.302,0.502,0.196,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,3,2,9,1,0,8,0,14,3,0,3,1,22,23,5,6,7,2,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,1,12,5,22,16,4,18,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,0,8,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405016657290622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440040997626812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623592611686898,0.0,0.08379829917973823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658732400351085,0.0,0.09418843850965992,0.2780136901907554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800666274772805,0.0,0.2341206473559985,0.08096753038281204,0.0,0.14634303068757964,0.14666624004735535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062636759593117,0.0,0.16649852069264484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183095577997048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238066087740166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061711751300448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625644436985802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157147133599706,0.28991628838911604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252010211121947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136744984501723,0.19550423604732645,0.13154912339836025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058184758846608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23546032456902086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaptainAtom10,2018/03/24,"Video game addiction has taken it all To die, to vanish. it seems so logical, it would make so much sense if I'd just disappear. I went to the therapist last week, but I could only tell him that I wanted to kill myself in the past, but not anymore. He seemed satisfied. This. It seems to be the goal of my life. I don't want to burden anyone with my being, always tell them what they want to hear.
I know I'm ruining my life for myself, I play or watch video games pretty much all day, and when I don't the reality kicks in and grief strikes even harder. 
The only thing stopping me is my family, they couldn't possibly deal with it. I don't want them to suffer, but I still want to die.",3.209580419580419,3.963728034965037,4.675111888111889,87.01420629370632,72.84615384615384,8.237482517482517,21.99230769230769,8.548686976883017,1.0331627972027966,531,11,118,9,10,178,88,143,0.232,0.6809999999999999,0.087,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,4,1,6,6,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,1,2,28,24,10,4,9,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,5,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,2,21,1,15,17,4,11,0,3,1,0,12,2,0,5,7,78,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556670966827305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881647403750464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161378709407532,0.09984524378838068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400979951904493,0.0,0.0,0.09209064793815801,0.14721487305433004,0.0,0.0,0.2963963207735649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431442926143728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346139586872276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093979439957795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798097212198986,0.0,0.0784761300721947,0.11639658681243648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017199752599319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953164463987444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994079474297886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720332375758247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363135204142127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097935839721564,0.0,0.14527335550930726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899842855738432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140358827208525,0.11938260697551738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496173969723224,0.0,0.0,0.1657954357464405,0.09486632958402427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211195179072717,0.0,0.11454114528102892,0.0,0.0,0.13237194436143185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143712522402072,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,midnightsonder,2018/03/24,"tired of existing hey everyone. i’m having a really rough night. it’s 3 am, i haven’t slept in a few days, and things are just getting progressively harder. a breakdown of my situation currently, i live with my (now ex) fiancé and his family. i moved in with them from an abusive household to be with him and also take care of his family. i work freelance, don’t make much, don’t save anything, use what little i make to pay for myself to be alive... this family is all i have. i moved here with nothing but a duffel bag of clothes and a sketchbook. and earlier this week, he told me he doesn’t love me anymore. that he’s been lying to me for months, and that he’s tired of lying. i have 30 days to leave the house. the problem is that i’ve already decided i want to die. my life has been full of abuse, trauma, and pain. maybe that sounds dramatic but you don’t know me so please don’t assume. i’ve been suicidal since my childhood, and i’ve always wanted to die. i attempted multiple times in high school. eventually, i met him, and he took the pain away for a while. it eventually came back, but never as bad as it was at the time of my attempts. but now, it’s all back. it’s debilitating, and i’m tired. he was my reason to live. i don’t have any other reason that i can deme worth the suffering and pain of being alive. i just don’t want to seem pathetic to anyone. i don’t want the family to think that i was pathetic enough to try to kill myself because i got dumped. i don’t want to fail and be a laughing stock. i know i can’t kill myself in any brutal way, the only thing i think i can muster up the courage to do is overdose, and i’m uninsured so i don’t even have my prescription meds anymore. i’m afraid to fail and have medical bills i can never afford to pay and possible health problems for the rest of my life. i know that i want to die, i just don’t know how to get there. i’m so scared of failing. i don’t know what to do. ",1.5650785907859088,3.1989850878048784,3.5584959349593497,89.83478997289974,78.60975609756099,6.9945799457994555,21.632791327913278,7.8897218956490685,0.8260271002710033,1506,42,340,25,36,511,184,410,0.28,0.633,0.086,-0.9987,2,0,0,0,1,4,53.0,0,1,1,7,15,22,4,2,17,0,41,12,1,6,4,56,74,27,6,8,7,1,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,19,20,0,0,12,0,4,4,16,17,0,0,12,2,49,5,48,58,7,31,0,4,0,1,17,10,0,2,16,218,68,8,0.0,0.1916077159953412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892291396381133,0.06466234961469505,0.06728057919226776,0.0,0.0,0.10997282723643112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037940352096958,0.05653800018972949,0.0,0.06653948753744532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596903021664038,0.124350076149265,0.06751329920220801,0.04929046637369363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248034903707614,0.08244042107887797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429382258077677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517544342269574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354823392862984,0.0,0.053406141516156164,0.0,0.0,0.07726356635677666,0.0,0.0,0.3049040187804883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449024408243376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466976537385083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594858690134169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543122851409839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329961664416167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891544740453927,0.0,0.22218802261201528,0.0,0.0,0.08561725980792885,0.0,0.0,0.11422521060382727,0.0,0.08104125422294192,0.1427987124542081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297776851330169,0.0,0.10794708010325252,0.0,0.08123302581862511,0.0,0.08981533798682523,0.08145622588711537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454031995176307,0.1718791431651641,0.059440150790596835,0.0,0.12472580433001446,0.0,0.0,0.07588003273777587,0.0,0.07758571519252197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149637726281544,0.2581167817044069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875812705415675,0.0,0.0911555788765922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474093708485015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051799894525511515,0.1662715891938534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095325953484077,0.08183291175887915,0.0,0.07361035530311151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688681751794529,0.09088811185461096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844585133056766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607953751985918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743731712225396,0.10362146154947176,0.0,0.0,0.09429824458091372,0.2788041474649896,0.0,0.07726356635677666,0.08983654134722058,0.05489747489581633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983560580809307,0.0,0.0,0.2861539055437017,0.0641815512413052,0.06485964726929007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886580206576656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,playfulsoul,2018/03/24,"Want to improve but hopeless I wanted to improve and make a difference, I wanted to fix everything and let the people who mean the world to me know that it would be alright and I was going to get better and I was glad they were by my side..

But I tried to do that and everyone abandoned me, and I went back downhill, now Im just feeling physically sick and haven't been able to eat or drink in four days and I dont know what to do, please help.",5.356914893617024,4.330811925531915,6.178170212765959,84.25300000000001,68.04255319148936,9.222127659574467,30.50212765957447,8.238735603445708,1.8961259574468081,347,11,78,4,5,115,63,94,0.114,0.6509999999999999,0.234,0.8779,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,3,1,11,3,0,1,0,22,22,11,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,8,2,1,4,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,5,1,11,3,10,14,0,8,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,55,16,0,0.21331167646828927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640235122601207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865684324668208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375683844873464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228653008333596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249999696158366,0.20896423433554356,0.0,0.21827109834547026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20382844813652026,0.19171078039339887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785679292110903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144654683991184,0.0,0.12122994150644205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297832031953314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304132150532141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446103760938805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812564149707345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238720043489678,0.0,0.0,0.2323589501347491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788345801824918,0.0,0.0,0.2341521644679569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482462617578093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774502604878879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977420611643415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515304947520853,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BonnaraeBrady,2018/03/24,"The best trip. We have a vacation planned for spring break. I think everyone would have a better time if they went without me. Then in the mean time I could divide out my shit, make everything else nice and clean, then kill myself in the garage.  It’s the only idea that has made me happy in weeks. ",3.070508474576272,4.912227915254243,3.2119999999999997,93.05122033898306,74.9322033898305,6.753898305084746,20.274576271186444,7.554174236665415,0.4098244067796615,233,5,50,3,5,71,48,59,0.116,0.6559999999999999,0.228,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,6,0,5,1,1,2,0,12,10,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,4,6,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25130905992440644,0.2117918128684941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119736168187826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004651184525826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288239101327413,0.21522025401888398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549203379681185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27033255588762106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649381473617722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265923664005755,0.15984812843467727,0.0,0.0,0.2608531047077404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821277759726583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458125812627593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344274878491926,0.0,0.0,0.27927384226635205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920884421702289,0.0,0.0,0.22199115014125034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308405979185679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701126640099677,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,visualhope,2018/03/24,"I REALLY wanted to finally end it I'm a closeted boy living in an isolated country and it is hell on earth. Society pretends like I don't exist and my father beats me up repeatedly. Being bullied at school and pretty much every other environment and feeling like I will never get out of here. 

I finally got a rope yesterday and felt like it would be much better to be in silence than have all this noise around me and come to find out it wasn't tied good enough. I felt really bad afterwards and cried myself to sleep. This cannot continue",4.273574766355138,5.726274429906543,6.058025700934582,75.45189836448598,71.05607476635514,9.835981308411217,27.393691588785053,10.125756701596842,2.935318691588785,432,15,79,12,8,149,77,107,0.17800000000000002,0.696,0.127,-0.7963,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,3,0,10,1,1,0,2,19,18,7,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,11,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,3,9,5,14,9,4,17,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,11,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632750301502363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314085665824975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622124772146207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579926794629487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014688089296024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244805969433615,0.18951300362011894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453201371507666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927383139835568,0.13102913974427194,0.3522074106392803,0.4018364439830309,0.1676346954622836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582488569619006,0.0,0.0,0.15383677917696667,0.14669085034013027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881663453606097,0.0,0.16195562513864906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696569629845563,0.0,0.14145817748648082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659532987466546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349960768080603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185622127161338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835438560304676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818079486782847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029019517279095,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,themoosebeard,2018/03/24,"I wanted to talk to someone about my suicidal thoughts, but I have no one to speak to My depression and suicidal thoughts have essentially made me completely isolated from people that used to consider me their friend. I would go weeks cutting people off due to me not wanting to talk to them because of the depression, and in doing so, I have essentially cut ties with a lot of great people. Today, I felt very suicidal and wanted to call and talk to someone, but realized that at this point I have absolutely no one to talk to, which just enhanced the idea that if I were to kill myself right now, I don't know how many people would notice or realize that I was gone.",19.457674418604647,7.7142273255813985,17.096279069767444,49.07837209302329,54.8139534883721,21.231007751937984,59.27906976744186,15.021129683784007,7.841111627906978,531,21,100,13,3,174,78,129,0.284,0.654,0.062,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,0,5,7,3,0,3,0,10,0,0,3,0,27,21,10,4,6,6,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,7,2,17,2,21,12,1,11,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,3,4,75,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802048135533685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069036696307662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134193300256687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047227507105302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288884179698613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888344514422027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273870189166387,0.0,0.0,0.14110755551793444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448321491020613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160009384550656,0.0,0.07033902395710227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881107801411354,0.0,0.12110562660191118,0.0,0.12976005033593113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571553087595032,0.0,0.0,0.17345637248761667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35492389532914875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099031548640853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930131115302144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688814700736486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199952892945013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114885982603927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321683175531488,0.0,0.0,0.1213179456395767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105407999100797,0.0,0.1056037537115652,0.22647245090933585,0.0,0.10266449625617867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183843608771452,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RealisticKitchen8,2018/03/24,"Are there any studies proving any sort of efficacy when it comes to crisis/suicide hotlines? They seem absolutely worthless to me. Yet, when I'm actually trying to seek out help, it's ""If you're suicidal, just call the suicide hotline""",6.438759689922483,7.978963418604652,7.288372093023257,68.33782945736439,65.97674418604653,9.454263565891472,39.91472868217054,9.725611199111238,4.35804496124031,189,11,30,4,3,63,37,43,0.244,0.7020000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.8883,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.2360274890265916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32895596823771506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469734447737257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834716899047506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211848004147558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201868071373509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7936903522132294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642119463686616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohhhhhhhsnnap,2018/03/24,"Every time I think life is becoming bearable, everything falls apart I just don't know what to do anymore, I've been struggling with depression for 5 years, and after I attempted to kill myself and failed, I tried to turn my life around, and I succeeded for awhile: I got a good job, made good friends, and found a girl who I thought was the one. Then everything got swept out from under me, i lost my job, my girl left me, my friends left. Now I'm back alone with only myself to rely on, and I swear the hardest part of everyday is lying awake at night wondering if it's even worth it to keep pushing on. I don't the answers within me, all I feel is empty, and every night suicide is the only recurring thought. I just want to feel ok again, I have forgotten what that actually feels like",10.159324894514768,6.074032949367091,9.616708860759497,73.01805907172998,61.278481012658226,13.318143459915614,40.25738396624472,10.864195022040775,4.031920675105484,618,22,128,11,6,200,99,158,0.184,0.6829999999999999,0.133,-0.872,2,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,4,8,12,1,1,6,1,10,2,0,1,1,27,27,8,2,2,3,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,6,10,0,1,10,0,1,2,2,5,0,1,9,3,22,7,20,18,2,23,0,3,0,0,5,10,0,2,12,81,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.12977478968841938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377330044192201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188600884239202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838540366356907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022577393513612,0.0,0.0,0.1468721781658433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454032667882692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783575319030129,0.0,0.22409225471610866,0.0,0.2390378152764451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172458812446825,0.09500495933788924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581187719844504,0.20548873288120614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308407090062546,0.21272151063502207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639354318833874,0.11820373663982882,0.14712889411233135,0.0,0.07308542336871934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889785482392327,0.0,0.18786336406034515,0.06497006056131407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516952254237422,0.0,0.0,0.12583421683435245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495960066918898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011450334448172,0.2022831255734981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440104759554571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902545284091394,0.0,0.14546469277934396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521182080832694,0.0,0.2111514682595669,0.07754498922920827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028851212291696,0.14465017566673102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784383690346855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421724096547828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563838443770518
suicidewatch,ThisOnePlaysTooMuch,2018/03/24,"I'll keep this brief. I want to die. I haven't done it yet because there are people who love me, and it would destroy them.

I can't seem to ever motivate myself to do my schoolwork (sophomore, community college). I pop adderall to get it done then end up gaming/beating my meat for 15 hours like your typical hedonist.

I'm very socially guarded, so nobody knows how depressed I am. I have missed lots of school and am very behind in a number of classes. I guess the thing I need most is a good influence - someone to talk to that will push me to be productive. As it stands, I have little to no self-control (thus the shitty time management w/ adderall). Any tips for that? Anyone willing to humor me with a chat?

If I continue on this path of non-productive hedonism, I don't know if I'll end it or just devolve into a useless piece of shit whilst letting all of my friends and family down.",3.3702327447833085,4.896017500000003,4.748346709470308,83.6648314606742,73.43820224719101,7.782343499197433,29.006420545746387,8.418075326091056,2.151615088282504,697,29,137,12,14,232,123,178,0.13699999999999998,0.7509999999999999,0.112,-0.7677,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,1,1,7,10,2,0,6,0,17,2,1,4,2,26,28,10,1,5,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,4,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,20,5,24,21,4,18,0,3,0,1,8,6,1,7,10,96,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527601705732445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852883367718313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333477433005528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901254934816199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600302635112325,0.0,0.1759298133517466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34694541116283273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002799613496291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333602792416276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598036612908988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096687320370465,0.0,0.08856459420730099,0.0,0.0,0.1421811445219175,0.0,0.0,0.1867398904970875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693813479935213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506727261553757,0.0,0.0,0.18632202829151934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334057871838146,0.0,0.08281646944107321,0.16989856929050598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411559626233114,0.15299391130244527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569322909766778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752036129187825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155823613566332,0.0,0.1543200950044534,0.17684112119926512,0.0,0.17400471775359658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279920117898034,0.14362951456167122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362497407795084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261823772659466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884556325368443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797352661409817,0.099984342573272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041859670203672,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kilerppk,2018/03/24,"Im tired of existing I'm not in any immediate danger, I'm not going to kill myself.

 But I'm so tired of pain. Meds and therapy do help most of the time, but still, when the bad days do happen I realize that I'm tired of feeling miserable all the time, and I start to romanticize the idea of suicide. Sorry, just needed to vent.",2.8765217391304314,3.7850743333333376,5.354318840579712,81.25408695652175,73.78260869565217,8.998260869565216,25.394202898550724,9.3871,2.0122150724637686,255,8,55,6,5,91,44,69,0.331,0.5589999999999999,0.11,-0.9653,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,1,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,13,11,6,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,9,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,31,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282587374265758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747836502487028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163544706223955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536500173748276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718929489080073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678390979613394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264188132839065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291353195781865,0.20372714651325655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086649035664261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094990579257425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984916618969787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069037877780568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111292881173152,0.13349649515404494,0.0,0.1506212181849641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630465738393391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568771744133566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199556762415184,0.6503255184350918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnydazzles27s,2018/03/24,"Quick and painless So I've been looking up easy, quick, painless ways to die.  I've always assumed it would be like a gun to the head or something.  I just read somewhere that you shouldn't kill yourself via gun to the forehead.  Is this true?  And what is the general consensus on some of the quickest and most painless ways to die?",2.899128205128207,5.077925707692311,3.158076923076924,91.71608974358976,76.53846153846155,5.564102564102565,29.294871794871803,6.42735559955562,1.3101794871794872,261,12,52,2,6,80,47,65,0.156,0.605,0.239,0.6954,0,0,1,2,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,5,0,6,2,2,0,1,12,7,5,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,7,3,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,3,34,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221112626847276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5792675134168332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28640945274052243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087529718636137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634099135652658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343510681806185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27914856222597184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214844061312192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430303804850117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824548139907625,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmbarassedAzn,2018/03/24,"I plan on killing myself, but not now, and I just wanted to have a conversation with maybe anyone else who has my problem Hi, so a few things about me before I open the floor, I'm not depressed in any way shape or form, I understand that I'm incredibly lucky to be alive, with all of my limbs intact, a stable job, moderate schooling, and a loving girlfriend, my current issue is, I'm already content with where my life has gone. I've done everything that I've wanted to do, and seen everything I needed to see. I dont have anything else in the world that I want to do anymore, and ultimately, I'm just bored. And I know it's incredibly rude to everyone else on here who has much more serious problems when I dont actually have any problems, I just wanted to see if anyone else has the same issue, or has an opinion about my issue. I've talked to a few of my close and personal friends about this, and they've all had wonderful input, and so I wanted to see if there's any other wonderful input as well, thank you so much! And sorry for the long post ",8.616599169262718,5.622521023364488,9.012305295950156,72.79962097611633,63.065420560747654,12.127933541017654,36.86188992731049,10.25414643259724,3.4811584631360333,825,28,169,14,9,278,114,214,0.107,0.708,0.185,0.9653,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,1,15,13,2,0,10,0,16,2,0,0,2,42,37,19,1,11,10,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,9,14,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,4,4,20,5,23,32,9,17,0,1,4,1,10,10,0,8,4,115,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.1017591138531404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507204085968994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127353976603994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341456473673526,0.14582552503238,0.21368780716526375,0.08581092073447723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873187572038514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981345430241708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671136965328612,0.2444232639618881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484395407049582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099640950263906,0.1874345265233924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805639963470585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265136590228165,0.10347863297402858,0.0,0.11536682835710566,0.0,0.0573078017343621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365378706507178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228168584086087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941138824633994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476006049221534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533108912228063,0.0773199252770131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105047886685022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986834880807373,0.0,0.0,0.2993364416676857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553368780396608,0.24928532445960705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672933937179485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381374121511426,0.0,0.09600406661983417,0.0,0.0,0.06927687185984441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855582542530133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30752578926226803,0.08277006947316924,0.0,0.0,0.09375736556848092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261674810373661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,failedscientist,2018/03/24,"Venting: I wish I had the choice to give my life to someone else who wants it. I hate that I have to be alive. It's exhausting and I have no one to reach out to anymore. I walked in on my sister's suicide attempt when she was 11. I was 13. I know that it's not a pretty way out, but I don't know what to do anymore. I am miserable. ",-1.1246052631578962,0.5037270657894766,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,87.55263157894737,4.852631578947369,20.026315789473685,5.985473137389443,-0.25186315789473657,251,8,66,2,8,88,50,76,0.204,0.73,0.066,-0.8709,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,9,15,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,0,13,0,10,11,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,47,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311870378427413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371917336490635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690578340357306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644049008619577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29436048516038005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916067130676492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814735941984128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724569583722857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269128024066695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929384244256833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796006440130406,0.2125734810053926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079659195876057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justendmetyvm,2018/03/24,"I'm a fucking loser Hello, alt account because I don't want anyone to know who I am, sorry about this.


Here's what I wanted to share with you guys (let me clarify - male, straight, 21-yo):


1) Lately I have been feeling like crap. I hate where I live, my country is complete garbage. Unsure if happiness can be found by moving to a different country or continent, but I just can't take this anymore. I hate every single person who lives in this country. All of them. Bunch of morons, who can only think of themselves; egocentric people that believe they are the very best and that everyone else who isn't them, is straight up an idiot.

I have been really wanting to move to a nearby country. I have visited it last month and I loved it! People there were super nice, I didn't even have a single panic attack; it felt as I was talking to people I've always known, but in reality, it was my first time in that country. Point is, I want to live there- that's the hard part. Making enough money to survive for, at least, 2~3 months before I can set up and find a decent job to keep me alive for the rest of my life.

2) Nobody will ever look up to me. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, never had sex. I'm blonde, green eyes, fit, I dress ""normally"". I try my very best, and people don't even approach me. Nobody even talks to me. And, if they do, it's to ask me about some howework they haven't handed in yet.

Most girls I know would usually tell me ""it's a pity you have never had a girlfriend, you are really cute"". Oh, shut the fuck up please. When I asked most of you to out, you all replied with the same ""I like you, but as a friend!"". Hahahha yea, next time just pull out a shotgun off your pants and shoot me in the fucking head, damn.

Seriously, what am I doing wrong!? 3 days ago I downloaded Tinder, Badoo, happn, OkCupid, and guess how many matches I have had this far? Yup, you guessed it right!!! 0. Not even a single message from anyone.

Meanwhile, my friends from high school are too busy to hang out with me because they have all got girlfriends. I'm really happy for them, but at the same time I am so jealous. I really, really try my very best to talk to people, even with my social anxiety. Most people define me as ""cool, chill, funny"". But, when it comes to a relationship, it looks like I'm the classy ""loser, ugly"". 

Like sure I'm a fucking loser, but girls don't consider me ugly, how come I have never fucking kissed a girl!? Shiet, man

3) Suicidal thoughts. Seriously, everything is going downhill. The Earth is flat? My balls, I have never been stable. Medicine isn't working properly, even after telling my therapist about it, she told me that I need to be more patient.

Lady, I don't have any more patience. My 21 years of lifetime have been complete shit. I have barely made any friends, barely talk to people, barely made it out of high school with the lowest average score in the history of that high school (this is true, we need to get a 60% on every subject, combination of all of my subjects + 5 years = 60.3%). 

I fucking suck, so don't tell me that I need to be patient. You know I even attemped to pull off the trigger a couple of weeks ago.

I need to do something with this stupid life of mine :/

Sorry for the rant, I needed to vent my fucking failures.",3.000561125718747,4.6058372603369095,4.177422057846226,87.05715218584763,74.55895865237366,6.70471842584299,24.57190326215724,7.354871404402295,1.069425288219827,2533,80,512,29,53,828,304,653,0.156,0.7190000000000001,0.126,-0.9557,5,0,1,2,0,1,137.0,1,9,7,10,25,48,18,1,31,3,57,18,5,6,13,81,107,25,1,13,12,0,4,4,6,2,2,0,0,8,30,20,0,1,10,1,2,10,17,26,0,1,19,10,79,22,75,82,23,68,0,4,5,11,53,30,11,9,31,341,109,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871702080511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633167532552885,0.0,0.0,0.07573099677974195,0.0,0.04259638519637654,0.0,0.05522133238182282,0.07786794643546356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410983673166396,0.06334602739922679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788615413502049,0.0,0.0473810668206335,0.06273426284671055,0.17530367928586552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959297918710144,0.11676250782948283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616107956336719,0.0,0.03591012134766365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817557592853494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651495594750404,0.0,0.0,0.0575341308721593,0.0,0.2574408881694222,0.0503673293603154,0.09382854929409888,0.0532062968825636,0.05004316517372112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02815436509195256,0.0397790522555629,0.05346321062612682,0.0,0.050892109370893314,0.047362866830760464,0.0,0.06105216320265764,0.12905874230427064,0.3603381547244524,0.02909141541287363,0.0,0.03164522086008015,0.0,0.044533780901573006,0.0,0.12267944718155699,0.05513368528900142,0.0,0.11854851335655453,0.04987990964777159,0.10994839763543823,0.0571455381478761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649247329745776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055255543553486115,0.04949249649037335,0.0,0.0,0.09180369831950763,0.04538805677309762,0.06281143763649823,0.0,0.0,0.0569383603971693,0.07865933134378983,0.10881315889726977,0.0,0.14750401219254694,0.0,0.09351728986992523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025495198365473,0.1053748335218802,0.03716799950094317,0.05645255338501241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888928083884554,0.11836177321841003,0.0,0.20643655486677034,0.2576711826938818,0.0,0.059218171227533124,0.0,0.05455629117733109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04234847885144912,0.0,0.06533053456416073,0.0,0.06029790748087791,0.0,0.2702189939771474,0.048619155046778766,0.0,0.061121838939933476,0.05263725026603703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835576951516915,0.0,0.0,0.05978135957848343,0.0,0.04755190898079669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905870657207905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715651466906858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676053042984565,0.0,0.042866530360935406,0.0,0.12466231743217365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060906795347695226,0.0,0.05247938899670218,0.0,0.04186574519439601,0.17901952103502206,0.14600490738945907,0.0,0.0,0.06465080168120421,0.0,0.03567861610961465,0.0,0.0442050885989188,0.09740542599681527,0.0,0.0,0.0532062968825636,0.0,0.0756085043737746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061325579316770115,0.13782982193578205,0.1313701517233323,0.0,0.04466453997700466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053697607587455,0.0,0.0,0.039554716548404346,0.0608792509196092,0.0,0.07171444087489559
suicidewatch,NitBitty,2018/03/24,"I don't feel anything emotionally anymore Im a 16 year old male in HS.  Over the past few years my life has become more stressful, at school and at home.  At school, I have decent grades, nothing below a 78, but unless I get straight A's, my dad only sees me as a disappointment.  I have friends, we just don't hang out outside of school at all.  At home, I have around 2 hours of chores everyday, plus homework, leaving me almost no free time.  On average I get 5-6 hours of sleep a night, I feel tired, I just cant sleep.  At this point in my life I don't have any interests or hobbies, track and field has become boring. Everything feels a chore to me, I cant think of anything I find fun.  When it comes to relationships, I don't see myself as super attractive, but im in decent shape and at least physically healthy.  I've tried to start a relationship, but have only been used to cheat on someone.  

Ive talked to my parents about possible therapy but they said it would be a waste of money and that its because im a teenager.

I just want to feel something other than stress and worthlessness, I don't mean hurting myself in anyway.  I cant remember the last time I felt happy for more then a few minutes.

",4.8076870748299285,4.9471582040816315,5.758775510204082,82.86646258503401,69.0,8.81904761904762,29.802721088435373,8.648137234880735,2.065933333333333,940,33,198,14,15,311,144,245,0.117,0.735,0.14800000000000002,0.8658,1,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,1,0,1,1,7,14,1,2,12,0,19,5,2,1,1,33,35,16,0,2,9,2,5,0,1,1,3,1,5,1,6,10,0,0,9,0,2,2,9,7,0,0,3,8,28,8,35,30,6,36,0,3,2,0,10,20,0,2,14,122,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026743577447618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972756489872224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168753089692484,0.0,0.0,0.16875573911072275,0.09127821440991724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250460735306898,0.22648451168138276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832513862007385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533848575323627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215217535130947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737984736591566,0.0,0.09845003095547572,0.0,0.09371546684675566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921856934346441,0.0,0.10714099338195697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091508036366871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057026644385006,0.0,0.2019533624674946,0.0,0.10976622988157747,0.0,0.33226737098359665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358000842053191,0.0,0.10857014754878386,0.0,0.0,0.14484752253073116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169107273636064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622249495987656,0.0,0.0983854489740391,0.0,0.1075936182057507,0.0,0.0,0.15596553237321045,0.0,0.0,0.11385338958819625,0.0,0.09788160886892043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969290631335564,0.1155932188291069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201692203717357,0.11615258148836567,0.0,0.09753461333231744,0.0,0.0,0.3113137931746327,0.16341482264558682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052188314276389,0.0,0.08687788278624056,0.0789367340936604,0.0,0.0,0.07257505972982457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349078304125432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241404313885095,0.0,0.0,0.1172581269510592,0.0,0.0,0.06570052227135705,0.0,0.0,0.1195783928463568,0.11784931953904768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961478284712018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855763480112233,0.0,0.0,0.06047801540685632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283818205116263,0.0,0.0,0.13205882776964814
suicidewatch,MrDannyOcean,2018/03/24,"Modding - better to remove suicidal posts in a thread or leave them up? I mod a large subreddit with a daily discussion thread.  Sometimes we have posters who comment in the thread with suicidal thoughts or ""I want to kill myself"" in a serious manner.  

Is it considered healthier/better for the person's sake to allow them to talk it out with other people, or to remove all those comments?  I honestly have no idea how to handle moderating these comments.",6.196260162601625,7.991664073170733,6.7204878048780525,71.22186991869921,66.8048780487805,9.856910569105693,33.178861788617894,10.125756701596842,3.831408130081301,362,16,56,9,6,118,56,82,0.204,0.6970000000000001,0.099,-0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,2,1,1,4,1,0,6,0,3,0,0,2,1,14,5,4,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,15,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,0,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367914561543143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30224227597642783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962111181491885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349462976479417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185614996851658,0.2337774604471705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564178602239497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647985568173477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5857212420355752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519671083223127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125531252354023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791811076771722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LexiconTron,2018/03/24,"Feeling lost I always feel lost. I feel like I don’t fit where I try to. Even with the small, relative successes in my life, there’s something telling me I’m not meant to go anywhere in life. I’m 23, a college grad, and I feel so helpless. I don’t have a job anymore... I don’t feel qualified to do anything.

I’ve grown up with so many opportunities and I still can’t make my life into anything worth wanting or living through. I keep making lists of reasons to keep living and I’ve found that the only reasons I have are my parents, my brother, my boyfriend. I just don’t want them to be upset. But how long can that keep me going?",1.6611363636363663,3.469795871212124,3.2712121212121232,91.2018181818182,78.92424242424242,5.612121212121212,26.15151515151515,6.42735559955562,0.8650333333333333,493,20,107,4,12,163,79,132,0.08800000000000001,0.782,0.129,0.4788,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,8,7,0,1,4,0,11,3,0,5,0,27,31,8,0,2,4,2,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,9,0,1,3,6,4,0,0,4,5,19,3,13,26,0,12,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,1,3,63,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959513805054005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425418533462771,0.0,0.0,0.2365556091635881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493251907238956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633718353847308,0.10268096745041216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759287431773006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337050325981994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263016204155293,0.3832623302726108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045629213144475,0.07021937297000704,0.0,0.253833007004837,0.12719680794636265,0.0,0.0,0.31379724011987725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191882205862236,0.14571998245152984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931338309881468,0.0,0.0,0.1595955081071597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29555740902133765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065062034221228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478321711861815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562663255475076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975834507908896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695517302221899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redditanonuser12,2018/03/24,"a waste of life I'll admit I was a smarter and prettier girl when I was younger. I was one of those that could turn heads. I didn't know what I had. I'm the only sibling in my family that was a mistake. My parents thought of me as the golden one back then and a good mistake but now I can see that they're disappointed at what I've become. I didn't realise how mentally fucking it was for my sister at that time but now its her turn to shine, she's the pretty one now. She's become more confident and mean now. It' s a vicious cycle. One of us has to take the sacrifice. I wish my parents accepted the abortion. I'm going to suicide I'm not sure when but it'll happen and I can't get talked out of it. I just wanted someone to hear my story. I don't have the motivation to go study or invest in a hobby or make an achievement.
I lived off my looks and now I got nothing left. Girls who were jealous of me are now happy I'm ugly.",0.4200246305418709,2.225731334975372,2.9586477832512337,91.92880911330052,82.94088669950739,5.636354679802957,21.972660098522173,6.742157984588678,0.4601588177339906,723,24,165,8,20,251,117,203,0.154,0.7140000000000001,0.132,-0.6915,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,2,11,10,3,0,13,0,17,3,1,3,1,27,40,15,1,5,7,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,13,6,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,6,0,4,11,4,25,4,19,27,1,20,1,1,3,1,13,7,1,2,11,114,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940965568768304,0.0,0.0,0.3142888654717957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360431690233215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413519615589412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154172076126133,0.07433890513208195,0.0,0.16172957128516033,0.11934329636791055,0.11379963699359726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582362005492853,0.1514667911974885,0.0,0.0,0.14602715883039613,0.0,0.16036740247150116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819702505924493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545948681465746,0.0,0.10050127309947522,0.0,0.0,0.12564172412331662,0.0,0.1194849552898236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949774478015662,0.0,0.0,0.1549918812241858,0.0,0.0,0.14339148314117567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652788399272148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856684822459872,0.1082154136244856,0.0,0.0,0.3159849861533286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475668220070526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338404297334123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055902195153805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563850768319146,0.0,0.13410348945376754,0.0,0.10698185757276273,0.11436462442735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295971134687728,0.08296849339413674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30953404632740383,0.0,0.0,0.17115332795986007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392435627097718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362263242136255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Florelilia,2018/03/24,Girlfriend of two year just broke up with me. She's the only good thing that ever happened to me.I feel broken and don't know how to make this pain stop.,1.34,3.0688969393939445,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,79.60606060606061,4.4,17.060606060606062,3.1291,-1.0242848484848484,121,2,28,0,3,38,31,33,0.3,0.627,0.073,-0.8432,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,9,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,5,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297063589938445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429949179646055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30572089359901794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32232149378940045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003167761027691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433030685203728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277214673645974,0.38784810091028543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30473392266004223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24215410833195075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560583966847552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23472266138028464
suicidewatch,throwaway_she_said,2018/03/24,"lost Hello all,

Making a throwaway because people I know in real life know of my account and might see this post.

I have been pretty suicidal for a long time at this point, and recently I went to the ER because of some severe suicidal ideation that ended up with me standing outside on the verge of doing it. I don't think inpatient or outpatient has been helpful and there's only so much work with DBT/CBT/whatever that can be helpful. I don't even feel like DBT is that helpful for dealing with the idea of suicide as it feels like it's more aimed at helping with feelings and impulse control, but at this point suicide isn't even just something impulsive but really something that seems inevitable. 

I feel like the cause for my crippling feelings of depression (which I shared with basically no one until I revealed them to my therapist last week) is just a feeling of a lack of control over my future and over anything in my life in general. This hasn't been helped with my high school experience as I am in one of those suburbs with no walkability and a school full of kids who want nothing more than to get into an ivy or literally die trying. I feel like my entire high school experience has just been tinged with a horrible sense of isolation and every moment I spend in my town is another during which I just want to end my life. I have been missing from class for a week at this point, and I have attended one full day of school in the past two weeks. A single person has noticed my absence and merely made a passing remark about it. No one will miss me or care about my death. 

I think part of what might have contributed to this was some sexual abuse that happened during freshman year that made me feel a general lack of control over who I am as a person and over my body. The thing about washing and washing and never feeling clean is so true. I want to scald myself with the hottest water that can come out of the faucet. 

I feel like everything is pointless and if we end up in the same place when we die there is no point in going on. Ive thought about doing something to reduce the shame or self-directed anger/sorrow my parents would feel about this. Or I'll just take advantage of my lower body weight because I guess that's one of the upsides of having a ""lithe and light"" body as my abuser described me. Hopefully less will be enough. 

TLDR hospitalisation feels useless and I just want to kill myself for dumb reasons",8.671496650717707,6.930037551578952,8.232559808612441,74.49496411483257,61.905263157894744,10.994258373205742,37.16985645933014,9.573946990214177,3.369715789473684,1947,74,367,28,22,620,225,475,0.217,0.715,0.068,-0.9981,2,1,3,0,2,6,29.0,2,0,1,6,18,18,2,1,24,0,38,10,3,8,3,91,76,31,8,9,14,1,13,5,0,5,5,0,1,3,26,29,2,3,21,0,2,5,9,8,1,6,11,15,45,10,73,58,15,58,0,5,1,0,17,33,1,13,23,267,71,6,0.0,0.14654168279422253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484512182279416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088943535154671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309212445737928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607245435211874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305047775558689,0.06352719454913505,0.0,0.05327008675863218,0.0,0.0,0.2080780270798943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988198540605932,0.06375480627142932,0.05326310377864975,0.0,0.12836128319391468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431689613286413,0.06389773361050065,0.0,0.08169009070087974,0.0,0.05210326076860266,0.0,0.05557822441781339,0.12098368634248845,0.0,0.0,0.3752207797383582,0.22089421059926995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032309091737817826,0.0,0.03514536262059589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812424657034201,0.0,0.05468532090856163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072518080958853,0.1306756977358693,0.0,0.061421537383687386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981036021472674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841731452291798,0.0,0.06797180700400844,0.050408234500489715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103925245747652,0.15106064294219068,0.0,0.0,0.05472686746086155,0.0,0.0,0.06750617506402508,0.0,0.0,0.11702989059821095,0.041278992051233435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312059262501242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045459858843096834,0.0,0.047695180644049984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933759611946885,0.07040578177646611,0.0,0.0,0.20952350507333856,0.04703246193937437,0.0,0.0,0.06866652049328527,0.06696719966179525,0.05903372333159133,0.04287239351148947,0.10799342131194,0.0646101261454489,0.0,0.2338369204159497,0.0,0.0592260732880382,0.0629139871857801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703879902682464,0.03961658680027405,0.06358229979091598,0.061060000864732664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503434172220673,0.049278845841508066,0.056297238768092527,0.06451309418831627,0.06986212574029528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282343869393133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27057373598595885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046496335188946136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180154876607163,0.041084058552147334,0.07924974873885364,0.0,0.0490944233049867,0.03605967372880814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198561790999123,0.0,0.060409150677416236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459004391296108,0.0,0.1488140778711526,0.07530502912368922,0.0,0.057326732642162766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045020596633795235,0.0,0.0,0.043929693605084696,0.0,0.0,0.039823233353712566
suicidewatch,Wandering_Lights,2018/03/24,"It's been a really rough week. I have just been having a really hard time in a lot of aspects of my life. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past, but I was okay for a while. Right now, I am not really suicidal, but if I would die I wouldn't really care much. I would feel bad for my boyfriend and my pets, but they would get over it eventually. Same with my parents who I am not super super close to. 

This week work has been hell. I want to look for a new one, but I only have my associates degree and I need my weeks vacation for a wedding I need to travel across the country for in the fall.  I have a medical condition that has been acting up due to the weather changes, I moved 5 hours away two years ago. I don't have friends and I don't know how to make them. I had one good friend out here but she passed away. I know I should get some mental help, but I can't afford it. I also don't want to risk them trying to force medication on me.

I just don't know what to do. I hate feeling like this. ",1.0444883040935693,2.5571911388888893,2.9927582846003915,93.8543859649123,79.74074074074075,6.769590643274852,19.70175438596491,7.669130373188453,0.35066111111111065,770,18,187,12,19,259,118,216,0.207,0.688,0.105,-0.9838,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,3,6,12,2,1,11,1,28,3,0,2,0,37,44,13,3,10,11,1,4,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,6,1,0,5,8,4,0,3,8,5,34,8,26,31,4,29,1,0,1,0,10,12,1,3,13,133,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020135813050633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941791857446894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336037247413265,0.0,0.10380123399124844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675158139014178,0.0,0.13151309618681026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902357137694195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257189183843118,0.08881357131636808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920972163942256,0.0,0.12990317018445416,0.0,0.0,0.10427294100517953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136547156265753,0.1227393477323208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332845477857434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242924573422752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496753556177846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781023852852783,0.0607360199646944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104396711613643,0.0,0.0,0.10569163103530817,0.0,0.0,0.08298394725837435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504767760801689,0.12528438644874998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213150126515366,0.09138882373693932,0.1843620362815584,0.0,0.1200681363647714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848364391083653,0.09455025782035588,0.0,0.0,0.1380416195230378,0.0,0.1186766231436569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185679287430681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616780994084216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719697783401813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986954581925066,0.07249145180559682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440449073777381,0.0,0.12144167104458428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146653221700256,0.0,0.29916378709141345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050576651587057,0.0,0.0,0.26493810987509075,0.0,0.0,0.08005740770464559
suicidewatch,dankvinnie,2018/03/24,"I deserve better. I wasnt like this before. I was the kind of person who always laughs and make a ton of friends around me. Happiness is always within me until last year. After my grandma passed away,my mother's family and mine was in shambles. Mom left us,her brother is addicted to cocaine and drugs. I believed that everything will get better. Until the person I was closest with told me to leave her alone and forget her forever. She was a very kind person. Sadly,her parents and her aunt who lives with her are abusive and her brother has down syndrome. The amount of memories we made with each other was really beautiful and the amount of effort I put into making her happy was too much. 

I was fucked. My whole mind was fucked. I cant believe what just happened in just a few months. These two things haunts me everyday. Everytime I say her name, the memories start to come and break me. The same thing happens when I hear my moms name. I tried to end myself by hanging but i couldnt do it. What did i do to deserve this? 

What in the name of fuck did I do until I am forced to crave for happiness? ",2.452230919765168,4.6666744840182695,3.617782126549252,87.69931506849316,78.1324200913242,6.36320939334638,22.757338551859107,7.447530270364453,1.004547553816047,868,27,169,12,21,281,128,219,0.11,0.799,0.092,-0.4622,1,1,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,3,5,13,3,0,10,0,22,5,0,3,0,29,35,13,0,1,3,7,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,3,13,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,13,2,34,10,27,20,8,25,0,0,0,3,28,9,3,0,12,126,47,0,0.0,0.13085791524839638,0.0,0.12040011050317564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438653176292285,0.0,0.0,0.1837962794779906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831845165601863,0.0,0.0,0.1037656429017055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397959104807203,0.2488648214425025,0.0,0.19535723967533591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951376067944354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807981503458413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978204792795042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925982071238117,0.0,0.10411664280117693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532865296067996,0.3063107091900412,0.05770235891609012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533028288838636,0.352708630858249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447825804550533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23002057112867716,0.0,0.09002648737627893,0.0,0.11694410185462775,0.11999757801826327,0.0,0.0,0.05395729169905997,0.0,0.09752395259681106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104504651600968,0.14744426951790116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111516815499668,0.2587010301057849,0.08815523607157393,0.0,0.08118894559232617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226348373756611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893059579491746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110265849999032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075316536689022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782939107676624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781727331938711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674798731843167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553384205414523,0.0,0.07498413182319201,0.0,0.10788760397508687,0.0,0.1328503660643911,0.0,0.0,0.09112775185630713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330662651312226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112222537303474
suicidewatch,Ms20sth,2018/03/24,"almost my suicide day over a year ago i promised myself i will end my life on 04.04. the day is soon. i don’t exactly know what to do. there are things holding me back like my ill parents, but i’ve been so miserable... i can’t take it anymore... 

sorry for my english.",0.3945238095238111,2.448587500000002,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,84.71428571428572,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.5433904761904769,204,8,46,2,6,68,46,56,0.114,0.82,0.067,-0.3529,1,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,5,9,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,10,2,4,7,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,8,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563748191614591,0.0,0.2896106285727183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28682711426620605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223912342710092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37304411302071705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561618157007491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894696688277996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428363502213476,0.14129758833457448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211430044270649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237565196686388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163581825224541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745637714213564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214397209458492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862472819845584
suicidewatch,StrangelyThrownAway,2018/03/24,"No talent, no friends, no direction, feeling like I’m dragging my boyfriend down I hate not being good at anything. I hate the fact that no one (aside from my bf) gives a fuck about me. I hate that I get singled out and excluded at work by my coworkers. I hate that I have no hobbies. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for 10 years, and was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12 (am almost 23 now). I have a job, I have a college degree, but I feel like I accomplish nothing. I feel like nothing I do or say or think matters. My boyfriend loves me unconditionally and yet my doomsday thinking always makes me think the worst outcomes of EVERY situation. Even simple every day things. I’ve been self harming for ten years, and I have been able to not cut for about a year. But that’s getting harder and harder. I just don’t want to drag people down anymore. I don’t want to be just a waste of space anymore. ",3.457932123125495,4.9103152707182325,4.5770047355958985,85.27493093922655,73.08839779005524,7.160378847671666,28.950670876085237,7.7094869923839395,1.7433974743488556,708,29,143,9,14,232,105,181,0.249,0.61,0.141,-0.9619,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,7,17,7,0,7,0,14,3,0,1,1,28,33,10,0,2,8,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,9,10,0,2,4,4,23,7,19,27,2,14,0,1,0,2,6,7,1,3,10,94,28,4,0.12574174610689967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511171434959585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591219536846673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462720572220324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619209160148427,0.0,0.2494040486459008,0.0,0.0,0.1034747431548622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109302388383688,0.0,0.1083011816706872,0.12762522545554122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305123740495594,0.0,0.21188568858420648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073641484515744,0.26948978562947395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714776112630323,0.11624621810032584,0.13138974508334642,0.12062294057779135,0.0,0.105466210857731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965757675458412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477928074138254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429319706071112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348683514701445,0.0,0.08393359192701587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130519332643255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852058613840023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717349438817701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999488340834532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117606444534005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133899099679373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353722883886464,0.24171070102837186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833147942030792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154148874279124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429206856632753
suicidewatch,onionofanxiety,2018/03/24,"i can't stop fucking up so a while back i got informal probation for 6 months for giving out benzos at school while I was high. I followed all the rules and finished it not too long ago. I was doing better, at least to those who couldn't see my mental health problems. 
During my probation, my guardian and i didn't get along very well, we never really did because our beliefs are so different (she's JW and i'm queer) towards the end we were doing better, i was gonna get a car :) a job, finally have a semi normal teen life. then everything good happening got ruined, as expected. nothing good coming my way ever stays lol. She found out I had a phone (i wasn't supposed to have one she kinda thinks im satanic/didn't want me talking to people) took it away. Now i have no one to talk to, we live in the middle of nowhere aha. she found stuff i used to injure myself, and is accusing me of stealing things. this sucks, it's just like before. i can't fucking go anywhere or talk to anyone, she doesn't even want me in the house. i have to stay in the trailer outside. i've fucked  up many times before, but this time she was starting to trust me again. I'm technically fucking up rn by using the internet to post this lmao. I planned a while ago when to die, i guess it'll be sooner. idk why she thought i would follow these strict ass rules, I am self destructive hfhgfhdshdsgd",1.9351612903225828,4.054474917562725,3.3697491039426564,89.3079569892473,79.39426523297492,6.2838709677419375,22.87813620071684,7.3871296695380915,0.9299017921146951,1078,35,221,15,27,353,175,279,0.118,0.77,0.112,-0.3809,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,4,0,0,3,11,16,6,0,12,1,25,9,1,2,3,36,55,14,1,7,4,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,12,11,0,1,6,0,0,6,9,9,1,2,15,1,37,7,30,35,2,45,1,1,1,6,19,14,7,3,22,143,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493611895324874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293876824475314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800642877631804,0.08021102050861237,0.0,0.06358884098202905,0.0,0.17752704727527852,0.0,0.0,0.18451449690641505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898572670443594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826145407246936,0.1089859189666246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239123439396578,0.0,0.0,0.06889840754574521,0.0943579773575757,0.0,0.0,0.09375068931258164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142708788086816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287498148609924,0.0,0.3857464168185841,0.1089995102655,0.10006748579520797,0.05928404525937778,0.17498725377324326,0.16685885645819953,0.0,0.11491362204840133,0.0,0.09224451813926962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088089497194116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021345920520048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036434067169255,0.0,0.0,0.11267701113959225,0.0,0.10351554060375402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368005709418546,0.050962547120498025,0.0,0.0921111655735454,0.09231459986565578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057580146045484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512396847156877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326243276392027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045338096181852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220556366603588,0.10009208816265804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413717205511726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231818731679664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990396876103566,0.0,0.0,0.09981440190785258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682621403693156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105571328408225,0.08312474560970491,0.0,0.10882224312124048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383398005130384,0.22236967094049534,0.0,0.08721116772569837,0.0,0.0,0.11941456330940675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25153090495744845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930158077860042,0.06684019370844747,0.0,0.08281365722743353,0.12165265457379493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589668271332705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801875924219104,0.0,0.08606996759333292,0.12305418968211355,0.082799590998422,0.0,0.0,0.09379080592261954,0.0,0.09412715228249847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410166661328599,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway270493,2018/03/24,"In need of some assistance regarding of friend of mine who has nothing and is pretty much ready to die Posting again /r/depression

TLDR:- Friend is talking of killing herself and has zero people bar me able to at least help her. And I don't think I can do this.

Friend of mine who came into my friend circle as the girlfriend of another friend. About 3 weeks ago they fell out and 2 weeks ago they broke up.

I decided to at least keep chatting only to find out after a 2 hour chat that she had no other friends and that her mother was pretty useless. (At least work have been a bit lenient)

So tonight at 1am (UK time) I get a call from a stranger that she has friend's phone and that friend was at a bus stop in a puddle of vomit after a night of drinking semi-alone.

Drove over to find her being comforted by a stranger that saw her on the floor and took her to a bench and wiped her mouth and tried to get as much vomit out of her hair as possible.

Took her back to my house (still live with parents since London is too expensive) since it was too far to get back to Ealing at that time of night.

Washed her hair in the shower and put her to bed in the spare guest room so she's fine for now.

--

The relevant bit which is also in the TLDR is that on the journey back she talked of ending it all, letting ""the beast from the east"" take her (UK's incoming snowy weather) and that she's called the Samaritans several times. The heartbreaking thing is that I'm literally the only person right now that she could ask for help, or call, or chat and (this is going to make me sound really heartless) I don't think I can.

I don't have the ""desire"" (bad choice of word) nor the energy, not the expertise inside my stupid Autistic head to potentially make a difference.

I don't know where I'm going with this. It's pretty much a vent and a call for assistance of what I can do next to help her.

Just please. She needs help and I don't think I can provide it.",4.836261429758935,4.78941558852868,5.315776184538657,86.71045563175396,68.92518703241896,8.678345802161264,26.43401911886949,8.344100000000001,1.4133465502909388,1525,39,335,20,24,489,196,401,0.084,0.812,0.104,0.8116,2,1,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,2,1,15,17,3,0,27,0,31,9,4,2,1,43,54,23,2,4,4,2,2,0,10,0,3,1,3,1,23,21,2,2,7,5,1,9,8,7,0,1,10,4,40,10,60,41,10,58,0,3,1,0,52,25,0,3,23,223,63,1,0.07902224602283972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009690633951175,0.0,0.0,0.08184321501719191,0.0,0.0631940615945138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286171503150504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387513281226096,0.0,0.0,0.1822896883182535,0.06598027466764969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254365214931724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227621936243441,0.09038039768358462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630928333505564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806174470704048,0.0,0.08201261536803574,0.08256142806615659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741171701912172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999025493097663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444980251236492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884191300327144,0.0,0.12385758607202145,0.0,0.08982032696630808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810996223379631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186778316661267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782099451321134,0.0911810621805145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023860311798327,0.08742640710447504,0.0,0.04342855980388313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080560047932435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977809099282797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054959256760844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427132972884682,0.11718798827738408,0.0,0.0,0.08404105513312528,0.14831404955736374,0.0,0.07582397630067561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019995795830606,0.0,0.0,0.08774485255604124,0.0,0.0,0.05478407556355041,0.06899917719702456,0.0,0.08674269619796457,0.0,0.08908570908010753,0.07568146792351862,0.2411820996464544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794391833437596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062367428248502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748456633328839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927264521774134,0.0,0.13073603700690306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310726775103634,0.06606613605704187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941489456931645,0.12703017608736025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249886894173485,0.15190279341897084,0.0,0.0,0.1382355214079602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559324587376782,0.053650917893046816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677375842224212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057529136255035127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccount709f,2018/03/24,"i'm feeling down and need help I've been depressed a while now, and hide it through shitposting online, mainly because of the changes going on through my life, my uncle in jail for a crime he didnt commit (no proof whatsoever that he did it) my friends have changed and hate the shit i like, like rock music, some video games, and what i wear. They now are a bunch of assholes who vape, listen to garbage rap music, and are just a bunch of arrogant assholes who think they are above the law, i've been trash talked by them, but one of them has been my friend since 2014, and i've stuck by him since then. i need advice, and way to get through this, otherwise i feel as if my conscious wont carry on for longer, and i'll be dead before the age of 19, i'm sorry if i seem selfish or just downright a pussy, but i've been contemplating this for a while now. and i hate explaining this to family members. Thank you.",9.885391705069123,5.593512946236562,8.920168970814135,78.4359677419355,62.01075268817203,12.13394777265745,38.39938556067588,8.841846274778883,3.052312749615976,712,22,158,7,7,223,111,186,0.179,0.726,0.094,-0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,4,0,5,10,3,0,10,0,13,3,2,0,2,28,29,18,1,4,7,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,5,0,1,7,3,17,5,21,20,4,13,0,1,0,0,17,4,1,5,9,98,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136284147696052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313795970615985,0.0,0.1579290297731662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39267316975495975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598540725460927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496394906015614,0.0,0.18768642671909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867829328399242,0.0,0.09696655899023586,0.0,0.10547882018590643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664764204109763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440148326447527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310923615202448,0.1813462397992648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27523504224372064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576505387029535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689601666395323,0.0,0.0,0.19051223437144746,0.3070548372517452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077601894852651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917551020192468,0.0,0.1708724060260744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892280195318235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731793574777416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChainHare,2018/03/24,"Yet another 'survivor'. So, about two weeks ago I tried to commit suicide. I hesitated, so the attempt was halfhearted. Once the effects started kicking in I lost my nerve and called my mother, frantic. My parents were about an hour away, so the only ones who were there to take care of me were my younger siblings while I was trying to get the pills out of my stomach.

I didn’t go to the hospital. Even after the experience, nothing really changed. I still feel disconnected from the earth I walk on, a lazy sack of shit with no motivation left in me and I still want to just not exist, basically.",3.6471052631578935,5.793733885964914,4.796350877192981,80.97978947368422,74.17543859649123,7.717894736842107,29.82105263157895,8.548686976883017,2.4237115789473687,469,21,88,9,10,154,81,114,0.166,0.76,0.07400000000000001,-0.9042,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,4,11,4,1,1,9,0,6,3,2,2,1,11,14,6,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,7,1,15,1,18,7,0,17,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,9,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401700369858725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058481910537661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443974249470715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045449720916145,0.0,0.2001511667528552,0.0,0.20766999004177944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966092841761884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202888575546784,0.0,0.0,0.09926025348778818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256389226925812,0.0,0.11156751835779916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332584343033296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329143029203207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142955958948284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836477562723947,0.0,0.0,0.20906378322080252,0.13302476204904096,0.14930262969483835,0.0,0.0,0.2179790650733342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576123691843075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150943258712886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389492550443019,0.0,0.3135468992877433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473131877049867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760071722017645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665632588574537,0.0,0.1917663818108422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578874641817412,0.0,0.1574680709564339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkrightnoww,2018/03/24,"21 and can't do anything I'm sitting here in the dark at the table crying because I always felt like I wanted to die but I never thought I'd do anything to myself but now I feel like this is what I really want to do because I'm too far gone. I'm 21 years old and I've never had a job, I'm not able to drive, I can't do anything. Mom told me to wash off fruit for her today and I started doing it but she took the fruit container away and put them in a strainer thing for the water to drain out and told me she'd take care of it. I can't even wash fruit, what the fuck can I do. Everyone else at my age is getting married and finishing up with college or at least driving and I'm sitting around not doing anything because I'm inept, I'm lucky if therapy gets me good enough to have some BS Walmart job and what kind of life is that to live

I can't even begin to communicate how hard it is for me to do simple things, I dropped out of college after the first semester because I was too afraid to go schedule a meeting to set up my next classes, I only got into college in the first place because my family members pressured me and held my hand through it but I can't have my hand held my whole life

I'm scared of everything, driving, people, social situations, sex, talking on the phone, trying to do anything, like I might as well be labeled retarded because that's the level I'm operating at. I just want to bash my head against this table so bad but I feel so fucking alone, I put my flannel on just to be covered so it feels even the slightest amount like someone is holding me, I don't want to hurt myself but it feels like that's all there is for me and if I get any responses at all I'm gonna be told that I'm capable and that I can do stuff because that's what everyone tells me but nobody understands how bad I am because I guess I just can't communicate well enough, I'm not like other people but I get treated like I'm some bum who hasn't done anything with my life but I can't fucking do these simple things, I don't know how, I barely have the motivation, everything I do is done so very slowly, the quickest shower I can take is 15 minutes long, that's if I'm going as quick as I can.

I just don't see a future for myself and I don't think anyone can really help me other than myself and myself isn't cutting it. I don't want to be fucking inept or alone but I don't get to choose to not be those and so I can keep living this painful existence of nothingness or take myself out of it and it pains me to think it's that way but that's how it's really starting to feel",2.8925558312655086,3.5642730860215086,4.687132616487457,86.94172456575684,73.51612903225806,7.371822442790184,26.852495175075823,7.516190064127842,1.3106511717673008,2034,70,449,23,39,695,219,558,0.092,0.784,0.124,0.9205,3,2,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,3,25,27,5,3,16,0,56,19,3,5,4,83,116,44,1,8,25,1,9,7,0,2,7,0,1,0,36,22,4,5,13,0,0,9,22,13,2,2,14,13,65,14,60,94,9,55,0,1,1,5,15,22,4,11,26,305,101,7,0.06714953745458185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390933391240714,0.0,0.0,0.05587379439950226,0.0,0.0,0.04566398812487114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469525178927564,0.0,0.3315500868823735,0.059777324863244774,0.0,0.0,0.06308920086618339,0.0,0.11213411787304514,0.327469878182719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846342871701966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376061379449332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696906183331263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743458127495653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609482210285432,0.0,0.0,0.1387668447868021,0.0,0.13305490855914193,0.0,0.0,0.12832852133612346,0.12069934887401615,0.0,0.06330260775638827,0.0,0.16976411877442998,0.09594328594933056,0.06447408641007085,0.0,0.0,0.11423472451102044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831466137411934,0.17541430912533693,0.0,0.07632525919427352,0.05632184612867749,0.05370561932941648,0.0,0.07397278601201407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015279604598515,0.0,0.06891479807042564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045008919504305515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188496866489713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327110916013418,0.05968559422450893,0.0,0.06992591000972259,0.03690362967292184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228911245575826,0.2296411050231064,0.0,0.11858854361790368,0.059425227574591614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123504768589918,0.0,0.07864472669481319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357972584529533,0.0,0.07141429487784101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046214379055928,0.0,0.0,0.05107024910825475,0.14290368449216806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310606871148693,0.0,0.07015697458953242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350076639370997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905313946674332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722840132355856,0.0,0.05350948747137982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754788935542802,0.0,0.06845049709429406,0.056895585176781865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505757645425113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687015499941542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146428590839642,0.05397225462672183,0.05869165547097476,0.0,0.07679134821953207,0.0,0.13383350678139294,0.08605342444282198,0.0,0.05330923206281831,0.0,0.0,0.06364990991761611,0.1924927820041852,0.07460560686394707,0.0455901281202584,0.0,0.0,0.06990503664584972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540540086849674,0.19803268487618364,0.05330017727775351,0.0,0.0,0.1207509970138444,0.0,0.0,0.07497006051980971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043242100536685486
suicidewatch,careersuiciding,2018/03/24,"Dream job turned to living hell I took a job and relocated to the other side of the country. I'm indebted to this job for a long time without financially ruining the rest of my life.

I have impossible deadlines I'm meeting I'm working constantly to the point I skip sleeping and eating for days. I've been tasked with more working than is capable by one person. And every day there are misconceptions about what I'm able to do and berated for not delivering expectations not defined by me. I work so hard to deliver the best I can and an capable of and it's never good enough because those directing don't understand what I'm doing or the limitation of the tools I have. When trying to explain I'm incredibly disrespectfully ignored.

I feel like everything I've ever known is a complete misconception about life. Everything I've ever worked for and towards was a complete waste. My goals and ambitions to climb to this point are a giant waste of my life and a horribly dark cosmic joke.

I feel trapped and owned by a corporation. I emotionally break down nearly everyday driving home after work. 

I don't have an old life I can go back to. I don't have the financial resources to start over. I don't have the belongings of my old life and no idea where they are. As of now my entire 30+ year life fits into a suitcase and backpack. 

I've dealt with chronic depression and anxiety my entire life and always felt a bitter sadness I could never overcome. But never once have i felt so trapped and alone this was my only option to escape until taking this job.",4.944265502709211,6.400432559602653,6.2523780854906725,74.6859241420831,69.43046357615893,9.464419024683924,31.27694160144491,9.800150414767053,3.182319205298013,1251,53,225,30,22,422,162,302,0.149,0.787,0.065,-0.9763,5,3,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,9,11,10,2,0,20,0,23,10,1,0,5,41,40,22,0,2,5,0,5,1,0,0,8,0,1,1,9,18,1,2,8,2,0,4,11,6,0,1,6,6,24,4,40,33,5,36,1,3,0,0,4,11,1,2,21,154,33,10,0.0939969797147394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735252297861208,0.0,0.0,0.07821301706371134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190743220072825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722778753133416,0.0,0.05729968638568207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864403105781913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710808972705388,0.10157734203281628,0.0,0.07504893969836779,0.0,0.0,0.12124055147978627,0.0,0.08095946089318143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618237661988968,0.0,0.10573395053149474,0.0,0.09712400702183399,0.0,0.0,0.17005129916125913,0.07919650946616044,0.0,0.1689568488147347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505539447400543,0.06715146108969444,0.18050368244197826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342064973313397,0.07884020692822713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420283093600843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428663469915033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061111487462467,0.0,0.0,0.3731099935798943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464749926154242,0.045922176317781095,0.0,0.08300105519261461,0.08318436913509256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748879645799016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726803643340132,0.10010371566664518,0.06369478611566289,0.07148893873918646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207453705438676,0.0,0.0,0.17771505667855564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406486320933988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653154604189204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706740306770228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481039477535179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443410306049328,0.06381777910251109,0.10224172201743256,0.0,0.09785417086457826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060973415496544,0.0,0.3421546036547779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060530973124256475
suicidewatch,shnopps,2018/03/24,"I can't live without my daughter I'm gonna cut straight to the chase

My skink died in my arms last night (March 22), it was an infection that was completely unanticipated

She was a daughter to me, I knew I loved her, but this is affecting me even more than I thought it would. It was so unexpected, I wasn't ready to lose her, if I ever would be. She was so young too, only 2 years old. My life is nothing without her.

Maybe I'm easily convinced, and I'm not even religious, but I want to believe there's some kind of 'rainbow bridge' as people say. I want nothing more than to be with her again, even if it means to die. I have almost no fear to die anymore. I miss everything about her. I miss her face, and her tongue, and how she would calm down when I stroked her back, and too many things to count. This is the first time I'm seriously considering and planning when and how to kill myself.

I'm going to be alone without her. I CAN NOT be alone, I cannot be without her.",2.4080357142857167,3.706640206896556,3.7157604679802994,91.02024168719214,75.50246305418719,7.045443349753692,25.002770935960587,7.6454224807358475,0.9939854679802956,754,25,174,10,16,247,111,203,0.191,0.72,0.08900000000000001,-0.9749,0,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,3,16,11,2,1,4,0,21,6,2,3,1,31,36,17,4,7,10,2,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,8,2,34,4,22,19,3,17,0,3,0,1,17,3,0,4,13,121,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296024470163587,0.2543546707326499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177844553236505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944208460864412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834655343459193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874695418084056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823217069395117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433124236505335,0.1110740145258587,0.0,0.0,0.110359142047452,0.0,0.0,0.13817715418951615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444833635533572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978654151665226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358531369260494,0.12787083787196152,0.0,0.10009332917475884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673288640908527,0.0,0.0,0.10842916761704334,0.0,0.0,0.13737484329867752,0.0,0.0,0.11082619105524563,0.0,0.0,0.12449363137464982,0.12336286821005925,0.13375843722140807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523365508144084,0.0,0.2356479095004681,0.0,0.12885142808296204,0.0,0.0,0.09339021176691638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512975387411399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765055161512126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157873881607973,0.0,0.0,0.09748455428374993,0.07160204732893258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485391945635512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734753325545041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616875591536928,0.0,0.0,0.07907517579965359
suicidewatch,sadboy2011,2018/03/24,"What's so unfair is that if you have a fucked up childhood, your adulthood will be fucked up too My childhood was fucked up and now I'm all fucked in the head because of it. I'm so sad and tired of existing everyday. This world feels so unfair. It's like some of us are born to suffer and things just happen. I'm always waiting for the next horrible thing to happen and it always does. I've done therapy, I've done meds, I've done the whole thing. I just don't enjoy anything and I wonder why I struggle so much for a life that brings me no joy.
",2.4333237547892708,3.648942198275861,3.6780459770114966,91.64932950191572,75.29310344827586,6.534865900383142,22.371647509578548,6.937597516519254,0.4709704980842906,429,11,96,4,9,140,73,116,0.328,0.625,0.047,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,2,0,0,8,10,4,1,5,0,10,7,1,0,1,13,23,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,4,1,8,3,11,17,4,12,0,2,0,4,3,5,4,3,7,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398480394752422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118603063656278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785760962882316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612525738267974,0.4424714917230429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287421858296401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5329670675102005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548995307956388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479144148492897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180015225375463,0.07041247334368936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009101727101366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594887710832802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327917855807532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506713385778196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648201497416065,0.0,0.2872518732851584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565114076467696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733653147637742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005090945195372,0.16091105166804992,0.0,0.0,0.15629803246987733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spiritualasf,2018/03/24,Tired Who else is just fucking exhausted ,4.947142857142854,8.531718000000001,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,83.28571428571428,8.514285714285714,35.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.429685714285716,34,2,5,1,1,10,7,7,0.532,0.468,0.0,-0.6901,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928014809240121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453704471864435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6780249079014422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BaphometBoy,2018/03/24,Feel completely worthless None of my friends ever make any effort to reach out to me first and that makes me feel like a total burden and guilty when I ask them to hang out. ,14.640857142857143,6.537257657142856,12.220000000000002,69.79,58.14285714285714,15.142857142857142,43.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,3.932142857142857,138,3,29,1,1,42,29,35,0.272,0.642,0.086,-0.8337,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,10,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,5,2,6,5,2,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385227394801015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279048806961603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677557990825899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172744025609513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547005361404065,0.25057661780194795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983486610894893,0.0,0.0,0.2709893885573477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713592442678846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682580945154817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PhysicalTruck,2018/03/24,I’m gonna kill myself It’s feels like everyone hates and I just push everyone away and do nothing right Idk what to do any more I’m crying all the time and I can’t hang on anymore I’m killing myself tonight goodbye everyone ,-0.9045833333333312,0.9460160416666704,1.2399999999999984,95.67166666666668,107.33333333333334,4.633333333333333,22.0,6.42735559955562,0.7309000000000005,182,8,39,3,9,60,36,48,0.289,0.639,0.071,-0.9271,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,9,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976263496350287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840706171477312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069115149036929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419101863854076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.631312056353231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135392590060787,0.15733097240145086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174296185192019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487299445005109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759230756300217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113147662882081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807356272415449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128416754718043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarzyBand,2018/03/24,"A note from an alcoholic who pushed everyone away I am drunk while typing this. Think that says everything you need to know. I've been through so many doctors, and counsellors and friends and none of them helped. Been on 5 different medications. It's not like they helped either. I am just alone. Nothing helps like alcohol. That sounds so bad when I type it out. 

I am just completely alone.

I have a job but they keep cutting my hours. I earn less and less each month. Still live with my parents. A fuck up in so many senses of the word. I just want people to let go. Everyday i wake up I wake up for someone else. I've never woken up for me. All I want to do is not wake up.

No one can stand me but they stay around because they pity me. It's such a pathetic exsistance. I just drink until I can barely stand then I get a taxi home. All my ""friends"" hate me for it. I don't blame them. I am not there to socialise I am there to drink.

I am a selfish bastard and should not be allowed to breathe. I take up so much space and it would really just be easier for everyone if I didn't exist. I just want to be let go. Why do you have to keep me here?

",-0.2859322714496031,1.9365518215767672,1.5921429527506383,97.49440101726678,90.95020746887968,5.433328871636998,18.56257529112569,6.968188349444268,0.1259239994645962,883,26,208,14,31,289,133,241,0.16699999999999998,0.77,0.063,-0.9778,4,2,4,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,6,1,18,11,4,0,8,0,24,12,4,1,3,39,39,17,0,7,14,1,0,2,2,2,4,2,1,0,9,10,5,2,2,3,0,3,9,7,0,1,4,2,36,4,29,28,8,27,0,1,0,1,16,12,2,1,11,148,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26408534950360363,0.0,0.2559313487415447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999010788550476,0.0,0.0,0.11608395031990602,0.0,0.10316322912340392,0.07531795566498532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954502284136254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908863388712746,0.0,0.1264637350920465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420736421576413,0.0,0.0,0.10321431327056267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361241146009582,0.11104322947484432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091650828078224,0.1142245678297548,0.06455236606688725,0.0,0.14043826003209284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198494146643878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484488519725894,0.0,0.12393569703456132,0.0,0.12167674548214424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260923107615593,0.219642647541784,0.0,0.0,0.06790257373305712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526866315332276,0.0,0.12072542305594693,0.0,0.10910129163824622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25053066960139697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446862164966455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862038877613873,0.0,0.09082711062266488,0.09161443587546972,0.09529320061192703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855431459713844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372403723921558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719315923182138,0.0,0.0,0.08565745092976201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915246996740949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825586181777857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468771505114613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169314582936734,0.09867114914488527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289795189049972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916902822296479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862774646625704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148913194514913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776989727267251,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stratce,2018/03/24,"What is the best way to ask for help? I've never been one to ask for help. No one would expect it from me. No one knows I'm suicidal. Hell, no one knows I'm depressed. I don't know the best way to go about telling my parents to get help maybe before I end up shooting myself with my gun. Ever since the one person I ever felt cared by truely left, I haven't been the same. I can't go on like this. With nothing and no one. I feel nothing anymore. How can I fix this.",-0.8133818770226533,1.1318119902912611,1.3905097087378628,100.38116909385114,89.29126213592232,3.82168284789644,16.350323624595465,4.7782277997778095,-1.0384103559870548,357,8,88,1,12,119,63,103,0.214,0.625,0.161,-0.6608,1,0,0,2,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,3,15,21,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,2,0,6,3,2,11,4,13,17,3,11,1,1,0,0,8,3,1,0,5,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269989559064274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018165749289795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385930670048401,0.0,0.2808429150416187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642444141133558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524717083039733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851266671480047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420709192990589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765648612550948,0.0,0.1284750324199509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990826952851796,0.0,0.1520904086500366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690626287772904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206093307854264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538093735594082,0.0,0.0,0.06537099976470669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344264139657323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319966809134444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25678150883076106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440236742309382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857606215563354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683450072886208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068595475679263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463623754587323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695260467058373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241842684501835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505215701420684,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lolwhatsnottaken,2018/03/24,"I wanna die Everything is pointless, I'm tired, and I just want to die",3.34,3.786164333333337,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,72.33333333333334,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.0363333333333338,55,2,12,1,1,19,12,15,0.535,0.4,0.065,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7968622415054618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450276234896036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412404861351624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22643617309787964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awaywithmylife,2018/03/25,"I just want to feel okay. I don't think this will help, but it's agony to do nothing. I lanced myself in my wrist vein with a blood sugar tester thing and there is a puffy quarter sized bruise forming that's freaking me out. I can't tell if time is dragging along or speeding past. I'm probably not going to kill myself, but I feel panicky like I'm dying.",3.654,4.178154400000004,4.262666666666668,91.21800000000002,71.66666666666666,6.533333333333332,25.666666666666664,5.6839178017228535,0.5712666666666668,280,8,62,1,5,89,58,75,0.13699999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.165,0.0405,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,1,6,4,3,0,0,14,13,5,2,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,3,9,2,7,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343886670390986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258240420063284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831114595754363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596124353456647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564622296763997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157408731912406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30915583231929283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075726194694444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473818730361283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816135788241164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405276161122266,0.2064502409494849,0.0,0.0,0.18787512763992992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003959818345986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmeaway11111986,2018/03/25,"Trying to find a reason to stay So just to keep things simple, I’ve been suicidal for all my adult life. I attempted roughly 10 years ago and failed. I then swore I would wait it out til I was 30, and now I’m 31.

I have no friends or family to speak of. I work essentially by myself 10 hours a day, 7 days a week. If my mother found out I killed myself, likely weeks after the incident she’d likely be more inconvenienced than upset, and that’s the only person it would really affect.

So I guess at this point I’m just trying to figure out why I should stay.


Edit: wow, thanks for all the downvotes and rude messages. Really helps",1.9087209302325585,3.8723691162790663,3.7869961240310097,87.05863372093027,78.76744186046511,6.78062015503876,17.726744186046513,7.793537801064563,0.4417023255813953,492,9,102,8,12,166,91,129,0.152,0.753,0.095,-0.8258,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,2,1,6,0,8,1,0,2,2,24,15,10,2,4,4,1,1,2,1,3,1,1,0,2,5,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,14,5,16,7,3,18,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,3,13,64,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613961305836735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22719455698211136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660513819388632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609909658959914,0.0,0.0,0.19313105401869948,0.13608718416094004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940407161492199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806454027971315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734647864623574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656346166594962,0.19487547202926486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441458888528745,0.17210856230577534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396423529695578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380075278436992,0.0,0.0,0.16651150575583987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568266839253545,0.18110372748276246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754887317100312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926712005822842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216825985159247,0.0,0.0,0.11702118621662327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391782596468079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825816230093465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894112214381095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823376774180634,0.0,0.0,0.2502530196365486,0.0,0.0,0.1134299329292838
suicidewatch,Cantfixthislife,2018/03/25,"I have literally no one to talk to in real life. Horrible dental infection and feeling like I'm going insane. I just joined after many years of lurking. Rationally I know hard times are just little blip in the grand scheme of things, but the last six months I've had this urge to kill myself. My teeth hurt every day. My dog died last year and he was my only friend in the world for over a decade. He was what kept me sane. I'm starting with my mother and I'm in my thirties. She doesn't dare ask me to leave because it's obvious I'm not able to live on my own. I don't work, get dressed, don't leave the house for weeks at a time. I'm very lonely. Just very, very lonely. 

I know having missing and rotting teeth makes it impossible to get hired. I have an abscess and a 25k estimate from a dentist, and just getting dentures will be almost 7k. I am watching my body fall apart and just don't want feel like this. I'm mentally a strong person. I've had a rough life, but I always had my dog and this will to live. I don't have either of those things anymore. ",1.665810810810811,3.4374445450450466,3.1435045045045067,92.29552702702705,78.77477477477476,5.881441441441443,21.009909909909908,6.742157984588678,0.25326234234234235,827,22,184,8,20,271,130,222,0.168,0.758,0.07400000000000001,-0.9602,0,4,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,1,0,11,0,19,7,3,1,1,28,39,10,2,1,9,1,4,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,9,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,6,5,21,5,22,30,2,23,0,4,1,0,8,10,0,1,13,103,30,2,0.1354181280529367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560169413694664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267873066010195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342983950920267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659766962593044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254963395544801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041901243511555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733348973192527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054263715378265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409561342057067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694294880609684,0.19348547547767875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462370981450818,0.0,0.2122511481916228,0.0,0.07696124288446954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130804390435285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562543381871845,0.1449679068650109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498200948257042,0.0,0.14884452337578666,0.22076769675985836,0.0,0.2867764895478872,0.0,0.0,0.19129965726723774,0.1323169142656119,0.13572453992775935,0.2391533760917185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903926520143328,0.13729272713002705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364696223937239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808945784755206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176282821737007,0.1029915885588148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824188609512985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413547652541884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584964802914857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884396178142873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799315740767833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792679894281175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352024133319968,0.07987312048833799,0.0,0.1086242540285007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858601004465896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440966921672454
suicidewatch,ItsAMeTyler,2018/03/25,"Don't read this Well, you're reading this so I better tell you what's going on... ha like you care...

My life is very isolated. I'm 15 and I have no friends and am left out of everything. My parents are super overprotective and don't let me use the internet, I'm here in secret on my xbox. I just want to end everything, my parents constantly scream at me and beat me for not being perfect. 

I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to die, I've been like this for years and nothing has changed. I just want to kill myself
",0.10923076923076992,2.2934727297297286,2.1976576576576607,94.5144074844075,87.46846846846847,5.577546777546778,21.151074151074152,7.010146845296331,0.4947028413028405,407,14,93,6,13,136,71,111,0.153,0.6509999999999999,0.196,0.3237,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,2,0,4,6,11,1,0,1,1,12,1,0,1,1,17,21,6,2,3,4,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,1,16,9,12,18,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,59,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340235826523093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546389588913532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782693178502435,0.0,0.18496613366450326,0.0,0.0,0.1889487086703117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146475021224914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486354228975627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142844434168749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508722870337558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937021959231553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344354592246366,0.0,0.09609195757901516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899730008989364,0.17879405553558791,0.1235004025280376,0.1708439252480514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777149293137028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882963049047807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497908855109114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528249691898816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101264217410634,0.0,0.14426801583179852,0.3093898652740421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720946402180064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259646076081226
suicidewatch,djpm90,2018/03/25,"Thinking of suicide but scared of death? This is my first post on Reddit. For over a year now I've been feeling really down sometimes I've actually wanted to commit suicide but 
1. I have 2 kids who I don't want to let down knowing there father took his own life. 
2. When I do think about it I get scared of being dead, if that sounds silly but today I've been the lowest ever and actually wanted to do it, put a belt round my neck started choking myself see how it felt. If this all sounds silly I don't know, I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm getting counselling for this but today personal stuff has just brought me down to my lowest. ",0.8573383084577131,3.1340859776119423,2.7760895522388083,91.07065174129356,84.74626865671641,4.767363184079602,20.127363184079602,6.079149491110277,0.08581751243781087,507,15,105,4,15,169,85,134,0.266,0.6890000000000001,0.045,-0.9901,2,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,3,0,13,2,1,1,3,22,30,9,4,5,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,10,1,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,5,6,12,2,16,23,2,17,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,2,8,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.3139768305350639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954235467333164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062548105859574,0.1455184432927059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134200149399748,0.0,0.15446288859368876,0.0,0.0,0.13683811984127878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680985487151226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26523406020597273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450309503928898,0.11362904876004892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046771680112854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407144599737255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617213590385444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305908318644888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32212299986465875,0.0,0.12819460440940966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910707823251544,0.0,0.1138664280440706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841605961243933,0.3519369463304231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061612851444888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049767586336013,0.0,0.1787353366776886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846604170306886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359665610883063
suicidewatch,morebacons,2018/03/25,"Was talked out of it and I regret that I was going to end my life but my sorta gf (long story) stopped me. I regret it, I wish I was dead. I hate this existence.I've been wanting for a long time to be end things. My family left me, friends and I'm over what I have left. Why can't I just end this and not drag it out? ",-1.7954166666666684,0.018624736111112483,0.9688888888888912,102.365,93.30555555555556,4.311111111111112,13.555555555555555,5.82211442006289,-1.1860111111111116,239,4,64,2,9,82,47,72,0.235,0.645,0.12,-0.8821,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,14,12,4,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,13,1,7,7,0,13,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,1,7,42,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563726612503225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973944313174692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177433763806212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900126762385738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672945765934428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550060976826074,0.0,0.14789848018037022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706074494794863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750595706637154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682998992705519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910953486572447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209710083674535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350375631866756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894207354497836,0.0,0.2407883792106635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaptainViggs,2018/03/25,Every day the belt i have ready seems more and more appealing Second ppdt i guess and fuck man i feel tp tired for anything maybe an endless sleep is all i need,0.1390909090909105,2.5229695757575783,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,95.66666666666666,3.852121212121212,15.690909090909093,5.6839178017228535,-0.7805709090909092,128,3,28,1,5,39,28,33,0.183,0.745,0.07200000000000001,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,7,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768203648446145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694376592247613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834231418745797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700889264915246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109871986652692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705715864224732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33794903863497866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494289740949193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062368852763089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336633006309264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866308998247972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LaserHater,2018/03/25,"Just looking for an easy way Well if my life keeps going like it is i will kill myself at the first opportunity. I was actually a very optimist and positive guy until last week.
I didn't want people to know about it because i don't want to threaten anyone with my suicide, i don't want anything because no one can do anything about it. But reddit is okay. At least i leave behind something from myself. I don't believe in afterlife and that really makes my work much more easier.
But i feel a little bit of something in me meanwhile i look for an opportunity. Maybe just maybe there is a way to change my opinion, something that i cannot see.
Anyway this is my last post on reddit. Good luck everyone :D


Hey already did it. Took sleeping pills. Farewell. I am going miss nobody. Starting to feel regret but there is no way i can get help. Okey goodbye again. Have to cut short or i might pass out and not post this",1.7788461538461533,4.241102434065933,3.260098901098903,87.8974010989011,82.35164835164834,5.618021978021978,22.836263736263728,6.961326702584282,0.8336628571428566,721,25,142,9,20,236,113,182,0.11,0.7340000000000001,0.156,0.8248,0,0,3,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,4,9,11,2,0,6,2,19,3,1,1,0,25,36,9,2,5,8,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,4,8,4,1,2,4,5,21,7,20,30,4,24,0,2,3,0,3,8,0,5,8,97,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.12599949720295264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248374166626165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028155876020057,0.0,0.2125044619132733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741696279673814,0.0,0.0,0.14547056386461255,0.0,0.0,0.1409622452974409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658859041460225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337675868714452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305707974981412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982679370841683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745826621205461,0.0,0.14676025231648795,0.1082971539963703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784605928219134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654435573066444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476505891388634,0.1428487514924055,0.0,0.07095928738881489,0.2104950600164026,0.0,0.1367161846244613,0.0,0.0,0.09119910527803776,0.06308000948123642,0.12940908292787442,0.0,0.0,0.21685140258536992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618655260735797,0.0,0.259430619020916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697265731583635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491579907863958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749297255159963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951342111733883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24731665321824245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271561084020602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288947545709544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921017553775796,0.0,0.0,0.29820155970088585,0.0,0.0,0.09138962679124724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123296362093726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345365876463426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653498850832348,0.2284695297950915,0.30746102463482505,0.1035698120990846,0.0,0.11609162534327087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399866196774773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ijwaf,2018/03/25,"I need someone Idk who I'm looking for, I just need someone I can pour my heart out to.",4.348500000000001,2.417332850000001,5.780000000000005,89.24500000000003,70.5,8.0,35.0,3.1291,1.6350000000000002,67,3,17,0,1,23,15,20,0.085,0.915,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422314201171728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133852364372298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534306534861665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324045986757252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anyone903,2018/03/25,Die... Can someone give me a reason for I not kill myself?,-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,1.5,94.995,103.16666666666666,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.243466666666667,43,1,9,0,2,15,12,12,0.0,0.7070000000000001,0.293,0.5773,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643038976338138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42916219885639295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949533848246122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599752959597005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790587971175977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SugioSnoipar,2018/03/25,"I'm 18 right now, if i haven't accomplished anything by the time i'm 25 i'm going to kill myself. I've never been good at anything. In fact, i'm terrible at most things. The things i'm somewhat good at are either completely trivial or i just don't completely suck at.
I've never had a relationship or kissed a girl, hell, i haven't even _held hands_ with a girl. Ever. 
If i try to get good at something, i just fail at it. And i never improve. 
Since i know i don't have the skills necessary to complete college, i'll never get a job, which means i'll never be able to move out, which means i'll have to leech off my parents for the rest of my life.

I feel like a giant waste of oxygen.
Sure my parents would miss me but they'd get over it.

I'll give myself some time though. Maybe a miracle happens. But if i'm 25 and i'm still on square 1 like now, i'm going to kill myself.

Edit: sorry if it seems like i'm attention whoring. ",0.4666417910447791,2.317340875621891,2.7712910447761203,93.09395149253731,83.02985074626865,5.612039800995025,20.000248756218905,6.742157984588678,0.1817281592039799,720,20,165,8,20,246,105,201,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.097,-0.7992,3,0,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,3,8,16,4,0,10,0,12,4,1,0,8,34,36,11,2,5,11,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,6,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,3,3,17,8,22,30,5,27,1,2,1,2,7,13,2,10,14,95,24,5,0.1156655867899207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190365845162806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638195013580587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639602920661312,0.10462614523129796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058483996043008975,0.08263151831379638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812914855300724,0.1109569704113597,0.13147083697441106,0.29104441944836945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022826964068604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147802473961694,0.0,0.2559336690012802,0.0,0.06356678158332095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169802458750622,0.16952508963328267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620162844199992,0.2519874650858228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293421382334115,0.0,0.0,0.4460421554481505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25686589206174193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418155357490422,0.0,0.09877777913256316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529760611791196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567976864781616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904501962017443,0.0,0.12947815473025007,0.0,0.0,0.09237068702176013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901344670350736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536861526360015,0.0,0.11364085175483644,0.0,0.13489106763042435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852934094183463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216551424775133,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thespaceduder,2018/03/25,"How is suicide selfish? So here's my thing; I've been thinking about blowing my brains out for the past year or so and been too lazy/weak to actually pull it off. Why do people say this? My family and ""friends"" might give a shit for a couple weeks, but I know for a fact that they'll move on and be ok after the initial grief spell. So why do people say this so much? Isn't their desire to see me alive selfish in and of itself? I'm not trying to be edgy or whatever, I just legitimately don't understand. 

I actively try and hide the fact that I want to kill myself, so I really don't care about attention or any of the other shit people threaten suicide for. I have friends, I have a good relationship with my family, and the ones I've told have helped me out more than I could ever ask for. However, things don't work out the way I ever want them to and I always end up in the same spot like I am now, drunk and alone on a Sunday afternoon. 

Anyway, why is suicide selfish? It seems to me like the best thing I can do for myself at this point in my life, and I don't understand why everyone tells me they'll miss me and it's a bad idea blah blah fucking blah. The only thing I ever get out of that is ""don't kill yourself or I'm going to feel really bad about it."" I know you're just a bunch of strangers on the internet and I highly doubt anyone is going to read this, but I'm tired of just existing. I don't feel happy doing anything, work is just a waste of time, and it doesn't seem like I can connect with anyone I haven't already. I just don't get it. I know this is just a rambling mess of bullshit but I'm at the point where I figure I'll reach out to a bunch of strangers on the internet. 

tl;dr I didn't use the search function but I want to know why people make the argument that suicide is selfish and not a legitimate course of action",3.4336465061655868,3.8461058320610704,4.927391857506362,86.65777011156783,72.10432569974554,8.081777255823058,25.293501663730673,8.139509932561175,1.2612490506948526,1444,40,324,20,26,487,172,393,0.279,0.643,0.078,-0.9984,1,1,0,0,0,5,36.0,0,0,4,3,23,25,5,1,25,1,36,7,3,3,5,66,67,27,7,5,16,0,2,6,2,3,2,2,0,0,21,20,1,0,14,2,0,5,13,15,0,1,4,5,40,10,48,57,6,38,0,2,1,1,14,20,3,8,15,218,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.08013451921337073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504863013414833,0.09061834679988252,0.0,0.06832806953949012,0.0,0.0,0.05584249628255857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148364789651369,0.0,0.067575439839601,0.0,0.07676847549722075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712882552768002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617691104134037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916699273204772,0.0,0.0,0.08372393478131346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556388390436227,0.0908610944642718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273144515851425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283906369906886,0.0,0.07846648168423563,0.0,0.0,0.1548255324806828,0.0,0.08304182407939592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126887054509861,0.07591600692415527,0.08580567144904272,0.0787742787830954,0.09333816816801667,0.06887599205016617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741526188636016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504141279180598,0.08676130605347472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270029750345347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817009793719389,0.0,0.1805178117327544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800179061328727,0.12035491435997472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481385330231831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871133479342576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872775635077099,0.060365573623427426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564472434900144,0.062453813455328876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839013720517443,0.2277188440784933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525454977724876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213939908104446,0.0,0.10521273264199753,0.0,0.0,0.08816311660962486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060575019578666,0.0,0.0,0.06543675832761209,0.14951278768288645,0.0,0.0,0.1685842042837214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592914539528199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177403216496576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822001426257892,0.05261737127962781,0.0,0.0,0.04788318628146567,0.09438161504449616,0.0,0.07846648168423563,0.0,0.11150434574899856,0.0,0.0,0.17097375456358033,0.0,0.07092287532709285,0.0,0.0,0.14530451574377792,0.06518079286796989,0.06586944616303439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704898986937218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956456574350685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288076967492635
suicidewatch,Dskha323,2018/03/25,"I think it’s time now I was recently busted over some pot and one of the charges is a felony. I felony will ruin my life my career will be an shambles because I will be unemployable. I will have a record for at least 10 years. I’m going to see how things go down in court. 

This is all because I decided to eat the evidence but since this is my third offense idk how things are going to go down. It’s sad how prohibition has fucked me more then the plant ever could.

I want to go down as a martyr I want to leave a message for U.S to see how much is a bitch they  can make people’s lives. 

I can’t stop being depressed and thinking about suicide it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. Idk just wanted to share ",2.2716666666666683,3.3598801528662463,3.6424363057324847,92.25095806794056,75.4968152866242,6.507218683651806,22.637473460721868,6.816661863887847,0.39781995753715504,572,15,133,5,12,188,98,157,0.264,0.7020000000000001,0.034,-0.9904,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,9,7,3,0,11,0,18,4,1,5,2,21,34,10,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,2,1,1,4,0,0,5,1,6,0,3,1,2,16,1,21,25,5,22,0,3,2,1,3,8,2,1,9,94,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021957231859372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324141159736003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284246369043682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970132321056045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001672601305308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106807541281197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332146826095688,0.0,0.0,0.4712690237582479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756064107084771,0.0,0.0,0.11714156287854233,0.0,0.0,0.14644459192066506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107031416674535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219155057721283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238118525765768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497636973874265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375239777060774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643147412916573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371890898446099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386542422842016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140803068282985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33054109086729183,0.3188012494657774,0.0,0.0,0.09670582954951584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934598723170561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679904776115708
suicidewatch,ATrueBlueGamer,2018/03/25,"If there is no objective reason to keep living why should I? I won't listen to religious, legal, philosophical answers. My life is shit and I want an objective and factual answer as to why I shouldn't just keel over.",2.0585714285714296,4.756290571428573,4.262190476190476,79.46614285714288,83.76190476190476,8.121904761904762,22.685714285714287,8.841846274778883,2.272337142857143,172,6,31,5,5,59,31,42,0.139,0.7929999999999999,0.067,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,12,8,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185793831026005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531620248701923,0.0,0.0,0.31649065037970153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685145510013208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36791207707835794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114048838810077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6468350163366738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dibidl,2018/03/25,"Finally letting go of everything I'm really drunk and out of it so i apologize for anything i type that may seem incorehent. 

I've thrown everything away because I've always kept the thought ""I'm going to kill myself someday anyway, so it doesn't matter"". I no longer feel the urge to see what the future holds, because that is what i've felt for the last 5 years and nothing good has come out of it. Clearly I can't find the happiness I've been longing for, now is the time for me to achieve the peace and quiet i've been yearning so long for.",4.737142857142857,5.0294162857142855,5.6107142857142875,83.33428571428574,69.17857142857143,8.9,31.17857142857143,8.841846274778883,2.379753571428572,432,17,89,7,7,142,69,112,0.122,0.777,0.101,-0.5218,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,7,0,9,1,0,0,1,17,20,6,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,2,5,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,5,4,6,2,14,13,0,14,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,8,52,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879658768630254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693730312010793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905945701472236,0.0,0.0,0.2473243431977503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747467732551673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646367397248752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257260767294954,0.0,0.1947783553484372,0.22222428976157987,0.18541126220038834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058114174505984,0.1701501668338179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594928727781829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443561997252506,0.0,0.0,0.1653587756363654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074390981109074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35905117040565243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465058319836992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995793947358875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165393797011096,0.1846770188769349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104895973310027,0.11828986983435408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306358212007446
suicidewatch,blackshadow155,2018/03/25,"Tomorrow is gonna be my last day i'm going to suicide tomorrow and the decision is final if there's anyone who want to do the same feel free to pm me 
If u wanted to advice me and wanted to change my decision forget about it because i will not even listen to u.
If u want to do something good for me just hope me that i will RIP
",4.341301369863015,3.3588184383561672,6.39873287671233,81.69207191780822,70.0958904109589,9.491780821917807,27.839041095890412,8.841846274778883,1.882290410958904,258,7,58,4,4,92,49,73,0.083,0.765,0.152,0.5106,0,0,1,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,17,17,5,1,8,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,4,9,13,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25002554174777725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789047715303571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597119805472553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706682394206776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500992640548806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899454374407633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937159601435302,0.0,0.0,0.28028449009777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541236200938026,0.21460504071014874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412885693133874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856181006206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697519124581775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798716751919634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036565250747953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loliemi,2018/03/25,"Please help me I might sound like a brat or unappreciative or something... but my parents are so strict to the point where it’s making me depressed.  They’ve called me fat, I can’t really have friends, and I can barely spend time with my boyfriend.  
I want to be a digital artist and animator, but they’ve restricted technology so much that I can’t even use the tablet I got for Christmas (I got the tablet from, of course, not my parents)
All they ever do is call me a technology addicted millennial, and whenever I tell them I am sad, they get mad and if I start to cry they call me an attention whore having a pity party...
They have made me so depressed to the point where last Wednesday I attempted suicide by putting a plastic bag on my head.  I want to attempt again tonight.  Hopefully I’m dead.  ",4.576363636363637,5.683057140127393,5.308847712796759,82.4220671685003,69.95541401273886,9.021192819918936,30.8332368268674,9.339509955726095,2.574712101910829,629,26,129,13,11,204,101,157,0.255,0.655,0.09,-0.9896,2,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,5,2,8,9,1,0,10,0,12,4,2,3,2,22,23,12,2,4,6,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,1,1,3,6,0,0,3,1,27,3,11,18,2,13,0,4,0,1,13,5,0,5,8,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672365045938139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699377455420141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851061869129774,0.0,0.0,0.2642588134305808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132401656202476,0.13876560578254726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852203127725805,0.0,0.08014893650525412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453875225500069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744005726671775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282562037008933,0.0,0.0,0.15236797554596768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504735258752853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494701477754538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515761301630398,0.10240050508887047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274080895665125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277195191743485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406811083216644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839505121202325,0.2900388014477183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421661919390053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827658808165897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810036642558068,0.0,0.0,0.10858241407961992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678025906879974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408466479123593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945297885633556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249457606626855,0.0,0.0,0.1809670963018794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EarlySawan,2018/03/25,"My Plan is Final! :) I got a few months left to...
-Lose virginity
-Try as many drugs as possible
Uhhh. That's it.
I'll be gone by around November or so.
EDIT: I'm killing myself by drug and alcohol overdose",-1.3780952380952414,-0.021495952380949042,1.9633333333333347,89.29833333333335,115.66666666666669,5.6761904761904765,18.952380952380953,6.937597516519254,1.0316952380952382,158,6,33,4,9,56,38,42,0.168,0.767,0.066,-0.6864,0,0,3,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,6,2,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654649942586344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211294448042349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5761323111213362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721110192976653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986688733955636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748187670346458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26988827995245457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27789704316854225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518395014807103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982712103450837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800346661912536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864789019666165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RubberDuckMe,2018/03/25,"Finally hitting the breaking point I'm 21, a college student, and I don't find joy in anything achievable. People and success are the only things that drive me. I don't fit in with anyone and the more I try the more I get rejected. I'm too mature and forward thinking for others my age and don't enjoy what most students do. I always wanted to fit in my entire life and now its gone on too far with loneliness and purposelessness. I experienced a connection with someone that I've been waiting for my entire life and it lasted about 6 weeks. It completely shattered me because I had such high hopes and finally something to keep me hopeful. Everything has been such a burden and I never discover a release long enough for me to be happy. I feel I don't agree with this society and this meaningless experience that college is to me. These days I just can't be productive or perform at the level that I was before. I recently started therapy again and started Zoloft. Unfortunately, it wakes me up around 3-5 with no hope of going back to sleep. It finally started helping me most days, but today I'm back to where I was before. I'm so hopeless and tired of living. ",4.522197460481992,6.0467634845815015,5.836149261466701,77.00335060896606,70.54185022026431,8.512982637989117,31.8551438196424,9.007467420416297,2.914836434309407,929,42,165,18,17,312,132,227,0.14300000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.071,-0.9329,0,1,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,13,10,0,0,9,0,16,6,2,0,1,34,35,16,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,15,19,0,2,3,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,6,2,24,7,24,26,5,38,0,2,0,0,1,15,0,6,20,121,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820723813285524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909299670652741,0.0,0.10701534171736098,0.11576695830200852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999201052164228,0.0,0.07927377107346192,0.0,0.2213161662912734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363489276064723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677355728988855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437047886373918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168753914644428,0.12720823533144104,0.0,0.0,0.0657542829301842,0.0,0.0,0.42737137588037616,0.11885809349840748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794275607530496,0.0,0.07390714722303007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384345280517033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716592318899835,0.13739889577035358,0.0,0.3874898650288045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558930938490085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600342493827287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370820692941287,0.0,0.0,0.11483146005209648,0.1150850737876544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029814674961092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989045162612115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015631260553514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229338553846208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840301356582295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013817182037893,0.0,0.11018607560303846,0.1001144212054685,0.0,0.0,0.27613797994920697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487169395355748,0.0,0.08639562484279924,0.08332710791264117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946674131603865,0.12326674845715554,0.0,0.0,0.08829151309724056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670347117387387,0.0,0.10431365754484533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon040915,2018/03/25,"I'm planning to die on graduation day if I fail my classes This was supposed to be my last semester of college. It's looking increasingly unlikely that I'll pass my classes, particularly my senior capstone project. I've vowed that I'll kill myself with the most deadly method available on graduation day (May 5) if I don't make it through the semester. I've started giving away most of my money, I've been trying to think of who would want what of my stuff, I've been cleaning my room so they don't have to look through a bunch of mess to sort out my stuff... 

It's so selfish of me to even think of doing this, let alone make a fairly concrete plan... but my entire life up to this point has been to prepare me for college; I can't imagine what I would do, how I would cope, if I can't make it through school. I've been trying really hard to work on my school for my family and partner, so they don't have to deal with losing me, but I'm sinking deeper and deeper into despair. I don't know what to do...",9.390777511961724,5.2356761339712925,9.50401315789474,73.45496710526318,62.779904306220104,12.172488038277516,40.0005980861244,9.188382445141503,3.497501913875599,788,29,168,9,8,264,106,209,0.11,0.875,0.015,-0.9504,1,1,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,5,5,6,1,0,4,0,23,1,0,4,0,27,36,11,3,7,5,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,1,15,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,5,3,24,0,32,25,4,16,0,3,2,0,6,9,0,7,5,113,39,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239638190949854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473177367478514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224464963640626,0.16165279042305614,0.0,0.0,0.1627325124496473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356420075601076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478160568983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041580142709932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046102424637866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347476139752407,0.0,0.08617257987982793,0.127812038713003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033750816253012,0.11075170670019037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26334318591657724,0.17541787184665894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139934684700017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822565113068192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044939633314233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31737773451698137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098307500897724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589944745691145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009408195739868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291233366441426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248405919719717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415147340233127,0.0,0.0,0.3341563390589824,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lacimaci,2018/03/25,"I need someone to talk to. I feel lonely. None of my friends know that I' struggling. I even started fantasizing about leaving this world. At this point, I don't even know if I want to live or not. I just need someone who I can talk with. Who I can share my thoughts. Who listens to me. Who accepts me the way I am. I'm lost. ",-1.1195652173913049,0.959346681159424,0.7821594202898545,101.74454347826088,96.68115942028986,3.3397101449275364,21.39275362318841,4.935628992294339,-0.4046533333333331,247,10,60,1,10,80,44,69,0.152,0.762,0.087,-0.6546,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,15,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,14,3,8,13,1,5,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,2,1,41,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058931139383517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170862664653102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890661290310128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545242333076378,0.0,0.0,0.2451939932937624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044762155574879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527806484633975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34340515784843795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890385702258466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392408695948288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390296145349892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420821086036546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722464931093412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383681414627484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365830888037224,0.1838055887323141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chlebasesadlem,2018/03/25,"Losing my will to continue living Hey. I have this problem, I cant really see the meaning of my own life, whenever I think of future, I just want to give it all up. Im 22y old girl, one could say that I have everything that I need, but I see it differently. What set my mind to that final solution, was my last breakup, actually it was the last drop. I tried to overdose myself at the time. To keep it short : I was sexually abused when I was 17, abroad (I never told anyone, not even my parents because they would blame themselves for letting me go abroad all alone). My relationships are just terrible. I have to say, that every one of those guys dating me just used me and then kicked me away from their lives (cheating, had me as a sidechick without me knowing...happened couple times). In december I met a guy(at time my teacher at my university) and we started dating. Everything was fine until he told me that he wants a baby asap - I didnt agree because I am not finished yet with my studies and need 2-3 years to do so. Unfortunately ,I got pregnant with him and he told me then(not knowing that i was pregnant) that I am not what he wants.(simply because,he eould have to wait for me...) After that I went to see a doctor and ended the pregnancy. This all happened during last exam period, so as expected it fucked up with my classifications etc. 
Now, I have problem to go to school because I am already stressed that I will fail again even in other subjects and also because I HAVE to work in the same lab as this guy does. Its extremely difficult for me to fake that I am ok.
When I come home to my flat,I cannot be relieved either. I have terrible flatmate, very loud, intrique-ish, and - I am actualy a landlord - but she keeps inviting her “partners” at my place withou my permission, when I tell her that I dont like it, she tells me that I had there my friend to sleep over too (twice!!)... So basicaly, I have no rest at all.
I have to then travel back to my family, which has very high expectations of me, which stresses me a lot. 
My life became very stereotypical in very sad way. I jump from one stress situation to another.School - relationships - family- friends, it is unbearable for me. I am thinking of ending it all nearly every day, but Im too scared to do it. Im scared that it wont end up as desired and I will be damaged/disabled for the rest of my life, making it even worse and that I might hurt my family by doing that. I have no one to turn to. I have tried new hobbies, friends, going out...none of it helped. I see no future for myself.  I keep questioning why should I even try to make it different, when I die anyway. Im sure that I am ending up all alone, without anyone close to me. Why should I continue trying?
",3.4010439560439565,4.80728686996337,4.7810989010989005,83.93890109890113,73.15750915750915,7.837362637362638,27.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.8340395604395603,2125,78,433,36,42,708,258,546,0.188,0.76,0.052000000000000005,-0.9978,3,2,0,0,1,0,96.0,1,0,2,3,23,25,2,5,12,1,48,6,1,3,8,64,82,27,1,13,12,1,0,1,4,8,4,3,2,4,39,15,0,4,5,1,0,7,14,17,0,5,15,7,87,8,65,55,13,66,0,4,4,1,34,19,1,3,38,313,126,5,0.0,0.07505706938417031,0.061818549578531536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121893062176865,0.0699061380708753,0.05065940519526522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885888458309464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951756945067022,0.04871073299412002,0.0,0.15446551034211542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456872777362514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057825575656087,0.0700934020449208,0.0,0.04085424554601988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574526479578978,0.13237043900549902,0.0,0.0648394038589273,0.05543629723979791,0.0,0.07424343181280649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244302451720288,0.0,0.07064981058745141,0.16736313351457788,0.0,0.10674691279864873,0.0,0.11386626840459002,0.0,0.1791566845904779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939468206934837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682761711976833,0.058564242774691674,0.0,0.06076921289687254,0.10800645401827848,0.0,0.05066521503592429,0.0,0.0,0.18817355932998492,0.11203692621690986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424608563069153,0.06693068296178115,0.06354324982345844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678153876769987,0.0,0.27370701778351514,0.0,0.0,0.16891994750400294,0.0,0.0,0.03481442642931377,0.15491132416227246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477766349305507,0.13423378353805,0.030948652812867513,0.0,0.11187496091134748,0.0,0.0,0.07087025365039464,0.0,0.05385623878612514,0.0,0.0,0.08457061803633642,0.0,0.0,0.06900458734756447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672022602879388,0.06396346252782653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394353887640264,0.04885791420749446,0.061181932375572325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647311234125361,0.0,0.17170508713196406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034050237121013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618521950274951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121231039063495,0.0,0.0,0.07096430337242078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040582376939230926,0.0,0.0,0.13602417656286586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075380900734712,0.12684487962747862,0.1282231981919605,0.20192074669658308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120585183358309,0.06339378981541265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04483806920005567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769489949198312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059704778589278036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073795935624034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118173309259574,0.0,0.0,0.11081625574755864,0.0,0.0,0.18159530259366072,0.0,0.17203664522033005,0.06890447734468619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471236774985675,0.0,0.2090750714137216,0.07472863129536722,0.05028272603405445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872426830982495,0.1143235070008207,0.0,0.0,0.12213050115146405,0.0,0.04611812804148768,0.0,0.06455706536434498,0.04500063051100952,0.0,0.0,0.0407940612109506
suicidewatch,v4virgilante,2018/03/25,"I just vomited up the pills I took 2 codeine and 4 zoplicone. The zop tasted disgusting. I'm hungover to fuck today and i was sick not long after taking them.

Fucking disaster.",1.3641176470588228,4.059276588235297,3.720823529411767,80.49770588235297,91.94117647058823,7.425882352941178,27.388235294117646,8.238735603445708,2.9004894117647058,140,7,24,4,5,48,29,34,0.378,0.622,0.0,-0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7038872955711207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369004672918381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862330292103163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36085153174065293,0.0,0.42296285333540296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BIueEyedDeviI,2018/03/25,"Existential anxiety. Someone please help? Recently been looking up theories involving existence and so forth. The one that really got me thinking was ""quantum suicide"" and it's gotten me really anxious. I've been suicidal for almost a year, and I always thought, for the most part, that if I killed myself, then that's it. Done. I felt very at peace thinking about that. Now, I'm afraid that I could be stuck here. Just switching between realities every time I die. I guess, if this is true, I have to ride this life out until I die ""naturally"". But then it's going to be another 60 or so years being somewhere I don't want to be in. I just need some sound advice, maybe some youtube links debunking these types of things and so forth. Thanks.",3.113799392097264,5.6148773049645415,4.1548784194528885,83.21250000000002,77.36879432624112,7.716514690982777,26.383485309017225,8.634040054169528,2.1807868287740635,584,23,109,13,14,189,100,141,0.18600000000000005,0.718,0.096,-0.9295,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,3,0,12,1,0,0,1,25,26,14,5,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,12,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,9,3,13,2,13,12,4,14,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,8,8,75,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979852657775126,0.0,0.0,0.16375054921808732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360691261877187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147428650817495,0.1250991437651035,0.184741085042584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056450229701866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394343141354573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734681779751232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778013231991404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701336724766915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293722966404136,0.0,0.13078898206328105,0.0,0.1801454950841054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960995961388972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809204742445071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550528237171555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373230713830126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428673732337631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125459067286108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081139962177833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708583866705474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950560080353178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095215727724407,0.0,0.1614650383583383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385574873184663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577481005651721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055541969566388,0.0,0.0,0.10864131994911548,0.2095654035176814,0.0,0.12982366246081584,0.09535500359244324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492845014878352,0.0964535688950819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061447133795125
suicidewatch,OverbiteXV,2018/03/25,"Feeling Worthless Everyday Sorry, if this is not the right place to put this. There are thoughts of suicide in there but... I don't know. I was going to get into specifics but every time I do, I get demonized. I'm not asking for much, I don't think. I'm nit hurting anyone. I just want to express myself. And simply seek to  find out what is the cause within myself that leads people to treat me any way they want. I just want the same freedoms of choice that everyone else has.

I'm really tired of being treated like anything because I'm a man. Partially because I'm a man. My feelings and difficulties are constantly being disregarded and stepped on. People are always heckling me for not being what they think I should be. I'm always being told where I can't go but when I say where I'd like to go, everyone goes apeshit. I get ignored and blown of all the time but when I go to find out how to live on my own then it's time to harass me.

I want to make sense here. I want to be specific but I can't. I can't say what I am and my goals or interests without being virtually ripped apart for the millionth time. I CAN say that it's nothing illegal. Taboo? Well, that depends on the reader and...every time I mention what's up,  I get disregard or attacked for being, well, everything in the box. Every nasty thing you can call a man or a person, that's what I get. 

Some sympathetic soul PMs me now and then to ask what's up directly. I tell them and...

Random: ""Oh, screw you! You deserve to be abused, have no friends and be ostracized. That's what you get."" 

Me: ""But everyone's doing the same thing...! It's everywhere. They are just not calling it what it is.""

Random: ""Doesn't matter. You don't get to play with the others. Fuck you because [insert double standard]. First rule of [?????] Club, is we don't talk about [?????] Club. ""

I already have a long history of rubbing people the wrong way. But they never tell me why before things escalate. No one tells me not to do this or that because I'm just supposed to magically know. All of a sudden I am being switched work projects or my equipment goes missing or I'm being escorted off site. Or I'm blocked, flagged, fired...you name it. How am I expected to know how not to behave if all I receive is punishment without explanation? All I am learning is bitterness, dispair, hopelessness and lonliness

(There are a mix or several issues here involving race, sex and socioeconomic status. But I can't be specific...again.)

So, I feel pretty worthless everyday because I am just supposed to take whatever life gives me and be grateful. Not allowed to own this. Not allowed to live there. I'm required to get into a debate or argument just about every time I feel like buying a sandwich. Not allowed to have a preference about this, that or relationships. And everyone is on board with shitting on me because...'it's no one's responsibility to patiently correct me' but it is everyone's right to punish me and invade my personal space.

I want to die. No one needs me. And if they do, they rather I were someone else. Decades of this. I want to die. I think about it crossing every bridge, driving along every river, and especially on the turnpike. Just drive off into the water at full speed. Or just a little to the right, and smack full speed into that new concrete wall; and hope that I am smashed flat before I realize it hurts.

I read about a man who jumped in the river 2 winters ago. They went in to rescue him; threw him a lifesaver. He just threw it back and swam into a stronger current. I understand. I don't want any one else to feel this way, but I understand.

I always think about dying beneath the surface of the water...but I'd like death to be swifter than that. Maybe skydiving. No...I don't want to ruin someone's business with my suicide.

I just want to be undone. Deleted and instantly forgotten in the physical world with as much ease as I am dismissed and ignored in life.

I'll...probably never do it because I have no illusions about what is waiting for me other side. Hmm...

Thanks for reading.",1.9550951906742424,4.425068146095717,3.555785835627674,86.01357565461899,81.6448362720403,6.463804112237128,25.605354109308184,7.697636035934039,1.6203839728194018,3164,130,610,55,86,1046,318,794,0.168,0.727,0.105,-0.9962,4,0,0,0,1,5,152.0,1,6,8,5,36,31,8,0,31,0,63,10,1,10,7,146,125,54,6,19,46,0,6,4,1,1,4,3,0,6,44,33,2,8,20,5,1,16,29,18,2,5,7,10,83,13,91,101,14,87,2,7,0,3,45,42,3,19,30,422,127,8,0.0,0.06762343877667569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059271839091865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298265422213073,0.0,0.14247059219613756,0.0,0.0,0.0776246479541727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039907515984156,0.0,0.04696709564482482,0.0,0.10671309989971783,0.06492999280679893,0.0,0.04388643598026731,0.0,0.20875093580321,0.0,0.09713165778979044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655801113622585,0.0,0.0,0.0586307904936488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061676792501758025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770161792562905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303418284049516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28852418758682485,0.2726835932495612,0.05129449293293529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442918204940808,0.04077372619654607,0.0,0.0,0.10432932990570648,0.0485471738148522,0.0,0.0,0.04409528402183116,0.052764056980513716,0.2385507626665208,0.05475064749470643,0.12974603441917798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056687428363540474,0.0,0.0,0.12219794229427312,0.0,0.0,0.05957049957980023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409924688656844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062620543119058,0.1115340284870182,0.057203210892231224,0.10079489689517568,0.050508754923684035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038097384150545865,0.0,0.0573385734447508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391201527525184,0.04231969887577627,0.08803808081703182,0.055122491354702416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476410836600834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546994645884879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187039191533588,0.09966975095579617,0.05963025436094301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580648465273649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737520316652256,0.0,0.0,0.11417902782445667,0.0,0.03656310997589843,0.0,0.0,0.06127619058016839,0.0,0.14622282887357702,0.0,0.1361627710253131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447745232243961,0.05858571150697951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671734666313272,0.0,0.0,0.06388974736439999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485953567024465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291259682618377,0.04587397462126589,0.14965575547158366,0.05254613446204686,0.0,0.0,0.11375242587188425,0.14628303509887325,0.0,0.045310435438398806,0.1996820911738374,0.06559824621829738,0.0,0.05453671864991223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188322370139662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33663764550956543,0.1359082178422503,0.0,0.0,0.10263288444806068,0.05290823363258099,0.05150046984138796,0.0,0.0,0.11003473137365212,0.0,0.04155060187796469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240153465948493,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sbrownie2345,2018/03/25,"Just the ramblings about love from a suicidal girl I'm suicidal and I have requited love.

I have this fantasy, that after my eventual suicide, my partner will find love again.

I follow this girl who is a few years younger than my partner, who, very sadly, lost her boyfriend in a car crash. They had been together since high school. This girl is gorgeous, educated, well-traveled, adventurous; a ""normal"" 20-something.

My partner and I have been together since high school as well. We used to travel, go on adventures, try every extreme sport we were capable of doing. We had so much fun before I became a depressed blob. An actual blob, as my physical appearance has changed as well and I am no longer as fit or as pretty as I once was.

He will grieve after my loss, for, I don't know how long. It will be very hard on him. We've been together since we were 16. We've learned how to become adults together. I do sort of wish he would leave me now, because he deserves so much more, but he refuses. I think he has hope that I'll eventually return to the person I was before the trauma. Yeah right.

I fantasize that my partner and this girl will get together after I pass. That perhaps having some common ground will make grief a little bit easier. They are so similar, that I know it'd be a perfect match. 

Thanks for reading. I don't even know if this belongs here. Anyone else have fantasies about what others lives will be like after their passing? ",3.015594191313613,5.416079917266189,4.045699440447645,84.39577005062617,77.16546762589928,7.427871036504129,25.76392219557687,8.401726058763845,1.936396855848654,1139,43,214,23,27,368,162,278,0.107,0.7290000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9512,0,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,4,0,3,3,14,20,0,0,11,1,35,3,0,4,1,31,53,18,5,5,4,0,1,1,4,7,0,0,0,10,16,8,0,1,6,5,0,7,3,7,2,0,10,1,32,13,24,32,6,26,0,6,0,3,30,9,0,6,11,142,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.10959817069094407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852962834690652,0.11507466937099985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846301588988646,0.12403735803401016,0.19113474739894834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261322119566062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188088839956436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673227214994892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382043242035767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417956826615701,0.0,0.09462585623086643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026491288812573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058677238710843474,0.0,0.06382825146563975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060752712576557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373229545409533,0.0,0.11154897947289186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516759822034065,0.0,0.0,0.11891986929559913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486889868437436,0.11256393140079417,0.09917161714080948,0.09939064496012824,0.0,0.0,0.12259942126603778,0.0,0.3040919568982501,0.0,0.07496766823371019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512126126872068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100397651732658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960627899762324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806459143053244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425944976441173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123401995707465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591196147808516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22732704111941185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787114986397645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646157634465429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36854610052569264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339978093373144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719635894171712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625098670425247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699961355348488,0.0,0.18533470552324374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029400129192604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915073532528365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978166452579659,0.0,0.0,0.07232383344896959
suicidewatch,fionnscurse,2018/03/25,"the only thing keeping me alive is a fictional character As sad as it may sound, it's true, I have been severely depressed going on 6 years and for 3 years been straight up suicidle. 
Two and a half years.
3 years in august. 
I have known of the existence of a fictional character. His name is Diarmuid. Why do i love him so? He makes me happy. 
He keeps me alive.

I have a boyfriend. I love him as well. He doesn't talk to me anymore. Possibly due to my inethical obsession with a fictional entity. I know he isn't busy, we live across the street.

Knowing the fact that my obsession with Diarmuid is burning my relationships to hell is hard to fathom. It's a hard to swallow pill. 

I cannot, cannot, cannot, stop myself. Diarmuid makes me happy, he, because he does not exist, cannot hurt me. He cannot insult me. He cannot give me the stink eye. (Unless, of course thats what he looks like in a photo) 

Diarmuid keeps me alive. He keeps me from ending it all. 
Although, I still want to. I often sob at night knowing that he'll never exist.

((sorry if this sounds like a desperae cry for help and sorry if i sound like a cringy weeaboo))
((sorry if this kind of post isnt allowed. i just needed to get this out,))",0.7113624208304046,3.0644613551020465,2.876256157635467,89.48857142857145,86.46938775510205,6.481351161154118,21.101337086558765,7.753152298057669,1.0632660098522169,932,31,196,19,29,315,128,245,0.128,0.6940000000000001,0.179,0.9197,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,0,0,5,19,2,2,14,0,20,5,1,3,4,34,38,12,0,5,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,12,7,1,5,4,0,0,1,11,9,1,2,2,8,29,10,27,34,1,22,1,4,2,2,23,9,2,5,14,119,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744261809050148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721888383513226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008080145762865,0.0,0.0,0.101996534432839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363172701468801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488657729474994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187050986786542,0.11360099421115502,0.06730184563752614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521244450072968,0.21216536894282695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937564535694053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677300059811109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210349959305008,0.0,0.12331809550909413,0.19524459508663616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356474906153746,0.0,0.10456863089893048,0.0,0.09944449803485357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376062034010734,0.0,0.15809496012863605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780827418469714,0.09133420303589833,0.0,0.0,0.1111308498457182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006512544962693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350280150433969,0.11341536250966057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714070956060144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378294181342193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976905745925888,0.0,0.0,0.09457181322395834,0.09900593865454717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518296794383947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867419086520798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568090441619105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984825379916551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647543221461953,0.0,0.10685726733896496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30503906110083595
suicidewatch,syffufyabbbuf,2018/03/25,killing myself tonight thanks for watching remember to smash that mf like button and hit that bell icon to enter a free gift card giveaway,12.547599999999996,9.827825360000006,9.264,73.17200000000003,55.4,11.6,45.0,8.841846274778883,4.1878,114,5,19,1,1,32,23,25,0.126,0.5429999999999999,0.331,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5836202554068933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25771853698326297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.597574801156122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856674893352657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrheosuper,2018/03/25,"Urge to die Hello, this is my 1st post in this channel. And my english is not good
I always have an urge to suicide, even when i feel i am happy( like done well on a test)
The thought is not always in my mind, but it randomly appears, when i'm hanging with friend, when eating, when doing homework. When it happens, my mood drops down quickly for minutes, but then it recovers
I'm really tired of this, i'm scare one day it pushs me to the end.
",2.6503416149068286,3.805696891304352,4.029192546583853,89.58413043478262,74.65217391304348,6.561490683229812,26.186335403726712,6.868970318607317,1.0149857142857135,342,12,74,3,7,113,63,92,0.155,0.769,0.076,-0.8357,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,0,0,11,14,9,2,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,2,1,8,5,10,12,0,18,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,10,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812606422644129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477511425240802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377705880820624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344497867442906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442743971086946,0.0,0.0,0.20291541734490065,0.0,0.0,0.1513189991804789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584031056599912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700280508257926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215898489908448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259318991447145,0.2438821930366674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192713882162847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132662326702225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524471485079228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941535523938696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676791797219735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936999126783816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505992255770472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818805423305366,0.0,0.26331780930105364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059892440201655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PinkTgal,2018/03/25,I need someone to talk to please Typing this up is really difficult but I am desperate to talk to someone. My suicidal thoughts are getting worse and I don't know where to turn to,1.91,4.431124444444446,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,82.33333333333334,8.044444444444443,28.44444444444445,8.841846274778883,2.758411111111111,144,7,28,4,4,48,27,36,0.34700000000000003,0.615,0.038,-0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,7,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930854697756155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705752147976035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119026634680096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137012356119164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307834399553044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842818806824675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31259754760505104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593991764754404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687784193539776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31084718435868325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29123480464965273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whoreallycares6,2018/03/25,"On the grand scheme is death, I'm nothing I have continually lost everyone in my life since I was 2. My dad left me, my mom died, my grandpa died, my best friend's dad was killed in a car wreck I was supposed to be in (he took me in after my family died). Friends leave. My bf just broke up with me out of the blue. And I am over mourning people. I can keep going and building relationships, but I'm so over the constant mourning of people. I took my dog back to the ex's house because she's stressed thanks to the front house having a giant dog that shares the yard. She's the only reason I was holding out last night while those thoughts of suicide danced in my head. Please don't say this is selfish. I've experienced death on a grand scale and my death, compared to that is minuscule. I'm ready to go. I just can't get past my damn fear of dying. I've taken pills and I'm currently drinking ,but I'm worried about seeing fucking Trump go to prison. WTF?!? I guess this is my first practice run. ",1.4700724637681193,3.4680768164251248,2.8117173913043523,93.33844565217396,80.35265700483092,5.492657004830917,22.42729468599034,6.508806274219699,0.34339439613526546,779,25,173,7,20,252,121,207,0.272,0.627,0.102,-0.9927,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,5,17,3,2,10,0,15,5,1,1,0,16,34,8,11,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,5,7,1,2,2,3,0,9,2,10,0,1,9,4,26,7,25,24,1,33,0,4,2,1,14,14,2,1,10,94,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337833791946183,0.0,0.07402748703950575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744170502968072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131231352999529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041339495709767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896302315439534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603922782428465,0.0,0.0,0.11448095321031555,0.1366515291003207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329511386061076,0.0,0.0,0.18764541891242068,0.1122674884090266,0.06344635087602994,0.0,0.20704806807195988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377766500343674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246304386662897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802463303777001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107939687825204,0.13435317149865306,0.0,0.0,0.09898819066509844,0.0,0.12858532404091966,0.13194275905239525,0.0,0.08577526162414756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325639390969805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222673592903254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396135101393327,0.0,0.11652305097544186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235908291647364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592632669492645,0.1683796588092456,0.0,0.0,0.13330247375502816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485850530169823,0.0,0.1303789816285158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657238400925586,0.0,0.0,0.09677037563907948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045478124276952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910683634179427,0.0,0.0,0.13283347865756887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180380886624468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964082194677908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698442067817278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233261993778691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nooiaj,2018/03/25,"Despite all the good things I hate my life and want to end it I just don't understand it. I have a nice job, a loving boyfriend, money to support myself without the need to depend on my parents, an okay place to live... I'm doing relatively well for a 21 y/o girl.

Yet I feel empty and worthless. I hate my body, my face, my voice... I feel very, very ugly and I know it's not just self hate telling me that. I feel like my boyfriend is wasting time on me, that he'd be much better with an average or a good looking girl than with somebody like me.

I don't have any close friends and barely a few friends at all. I feel lonely and at the same time I can't feel comfortable around people. I spend my days either on my work or at home, staring at my computer screen. I love spending time with my boyfriend but even this doesn't distract me from self hate that much.

I can't really enjoy anything right now, music feels boring and video games annoy me, my hobbies aren't entertaining and whenever I try to get back at them I get bored really quickly.

I just feel like a worthless shell of a human being.",3.4929867256637164,4.401124438053103,4.486006637168142,88.05830199115047,72.31858407079645,7.242920353982301,26.514380530973447,7.413659706084162,1.2018769911504434,857,28,184,9,16,279,129,226,0.2,0.6809999999999999,0.119,-0.9676,2,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,2,10,28,5,1,12,1,13,5,2,1,2,36,35,10,0,2,9,1,7,3,2,0,1,1,1,5,8,12,0,0,9,3,3,0,8,11,1,0,0,11,36,17,22,32,7,21,0,3,3,2,14,12,0,3,12,117,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749967756643528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378296364976134,0.10145244848121986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763156362444771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079222139775264,0.0,0.12658872031242052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349758867982986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093860274806946,0.0,0.0,0.07527238958167633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033666574182445,0.16283233311563494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609717449075268,0.0,0.11908335610615026,0.0,0.0,0.1911758080780292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500648731971814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431555219012506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113092049259777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263183567895267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049640274067812,0.1670316994648257,0.0,0.10063262398729232,0.0,0.09570136562291748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057145813716147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675538453100896,0.0845031340951799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654394278284398,0.0,0.0,0.07900854262758249,0.0,0.11906850743866555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460169834525308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973249467295016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23777937897723625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932541313570484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996098799430845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571286148419791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993606166291419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737432437724623,0.0,0.0,0.11864092521897927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806507618237986,0.06721913637306957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246765250560268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985758296258984,0.0,0.08296741648695577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Queue_E_Dee,2018/03/25,"Kept alive by guilt I don't feel the active desire to kill myself, but I DO feel the active desire to die, if that makes sense. 
It's been a long time since I've felt really good, ya know? Now, when I have ""good"" days it's not so much that I feel good but more that I don't feel anything, which is, relatively, an improvement. I've thought a lot about killing myself this last year or so and the only thing that's kept me from it is knowing I'd be leaving my spouse and family alone to deal with the aftermath (physical and emotional). Sometimes it makes me mad that I have to keep being in pain just to maintain their status quo but mostly I'm just exhausted. I want out.

 I am so fucking tired.",5.297916666666668,4.686564069444452,5.934166666666666,84.5775,68.02777777777779,9.422222222222222,27.722222222222214,8.841846274778883,1.745572222222222,542,14,120,8,8,177,92,144,0.236,0.638,0.127,-0.9654,0,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,1,0,8,10,4,1,7,0,11,4,0,2,0,31,27,12,3,4,8,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,5,0,3,8,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,5,15,3,11,20,4,10,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,4,8,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167035688060265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271830565382253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401116641672062,0.1662708538064891,0.0,0.0,0.16738142110795753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141638899526374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203883534876605,0.0,0.3261886335147916,0.0,0.15485246746369047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909919691078755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058177787738471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335157041105634,0.3568611047907946,0.0,0.17726868053226386,0.13146334652153338,0.0,0.17077044138695655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427262274177719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711305006605445,0.0,0.0,0.21530904582814547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855811327516284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265942068724375,0.17161149064229625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331901385029138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341108295374968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595083704543005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714614148804284,0.0,0.0,0.12803696156340505,0.09404267834093027,0.18536569000970365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951261246153819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385794261324786
suicidewatch,throwaway802854,2018/03/25,"Doing it tonight thanks reddit for your help  
thanks for watching and remember to smash that mf like button",9.884736842105266,9.874964842105268,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,58.47368421052632,9.705263157894738,34.78947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.958642105263157,88,3,14,1,1,25,17,19,0.0,0.5770000000000001,0.423,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894704248622073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098772982575625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892195655495125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7952076883912864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pmrccc,2018/03/25,"I am so tired of being alive. I have been having these thoughts on and off for years. Everything just fell apart at once, now it seems like it’s the only way past this.",2.0321904761904754,3.670585742857142,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,77.28571428571428,5.80952380952381,17.38095238095238,6.42735559955562,-0.526619047619048,131,2,31,1,3,40,33,35,0.086,0.778,0.13699999999999998,0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282802607779297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845200266041572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889996068750084,0.0,0.27780356483531793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486906300622225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325272157838736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289982817085778,0.0,0.4198230286294635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289933562351099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352212861659363
suicidewatch,liveloverun82,2018/03/25,"Help. I just want to die. My anxiety is overwhelming and my depression is crippling. I was in counseling and it was helping but my insurance got terminated so now I can't afford it. I have a prescription for new meds but I'm scheduled for surgery this Friday and can't take anything new til afterwards. I've been trying to use healthy coping strategies but none of them are helping. Running no longer is therapeutic. I have no social life because I assume everyone hates me. One of the ways I tried to help was by helping someone else. A friend of mine has gone through hell and she really wants to start running because she felt like it would help her. But she can't afford shoes. I only have $10 to help her and I stupidly thought other people would be willing to help. I asked on Facebook and not one reply. Then I stupidly thought I could ask on the running subreddit to see f anyone could help. All I got was a bunch of people saying I was a scammer and was suspicious. Nah, I'm just a socially awkward teacher who was hoping MAYBE I'd feel a little better about myself if I could help someone else. I wasn't mentally prepared for the insults and hate that came and I'm not in the state of hand to handle it rationally. I had no intention other than doing good for a friend.

I just don't know if life is worth it anymore. I have an amazing fiancé but I don't even know if anyone else really cares and this stupid surgery has been stressing me out and I'm tired of life going so very wrong. I can't handle t anymore.

I'm avoiding going home right now because I have a rope there and I know how to tie a noose. I've attempted before. Which should prove to me that I shouldn't now. I'm having a hard time thinking rationally right now. I feel like a failure, like a loser, like someone who can't do a damn thing right and who is labeled and misunderstood. I can't hurt like this anymore.
I want it all over. Please help me.",2.153074008929778,4.359751616966584,3.5391293465025058,87.92172608578005,79.10282776349617,6.254119875524286,25.4039372209444,7.3759095455046575,1.284492030848329,1525,59,305,21,38,499,184,389,0.184,0.594,0.223,0.9501,2,1,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,3,13,28,8,4,18,0,44,6,2,3,3,57,78,27,1,14,13,0,5,5,2,5,4,1,1,0,18,16,0,1,11,0,1,7,16,16,0,2,18,7,42,12,31,51,4,31,1,4,1,0,28,10,2,5,17,199,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781847439436291,0.0,0.22486508028474367,0.10569455239839116,0.07744061653922117,0.062195880014218975,0.0,0.14131414911195475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821855469045793,0.0,0.06431299243156041,0.0,0.0,0.0668443463978457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644335724927515,0.07705882217469874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810333813406656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509692215913156,0.0,0.07844008204108767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941211398622088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049919861013236415,0.0,0.0,0.07221990550937785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643101308498247,0.05399434960659372,0.07256862901338619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678580319100113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590768364814884,0.06339289759090867,0.12089642155648447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677048126376729,0.1492391568927445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5572563087020704,0.0,0.0758128778519818,0.07506796927524917,0.0,0.0,0.08090992696667322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246103338610477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601531156063505,0.18462279171304874,0.07575099103393894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593024403988574,0.0,0.08395231450680295,0.0,0.07616683871504999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599122263416597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024298948626782,0.05748197714018734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479527722572524,0.0,0.0,0.0829641168703098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683693529634917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363465837306396,0.0,0.06010423008437325,0.0,0.0,0.06022745510978589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408853404526238,0.1921160039523324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349589567462755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657660658967596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682673554020301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021197736926433,0.048428596521742834,0.0,0.12000411638096208,0.044071291518479584,0.08686806358625618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026276843440469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527683215348086,0.0,0.06236139517187254,0.13373708329794814,0.05999186660228259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737969221504473,0.08263483847786322,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,attemptedsat,2018/03/25,"Woke up this morning wondering why I wasn't dead. It turns out you need about 2-3 times of the pills I had on hand, I was hoping the alcohol would be enough in addition but after basically sleeping it off for > 12 hours, here I am.

I haven't told anyone and not sure I should. I have work tomorrow and have no time to take off. Currently not under any medical supervision and will not do so.

Just looking for maybe just some words to fill the emptiness I feel today after my ad-hoc plan failed",5.127161716171621,5.087694603960396,6.046287128712872,81.69570132013202,68.30693069306932,9.901650165016502,28.71452145214521,9.725611199111238,2.325968976897689,389,12,83,8,6,129,78,101,0.133,0.8059999999999999,0.061,-0.8527,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,0,12,5,2,0,1,20,21,5,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,3,10,2,15,12,2,16,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,3,8,57,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24855486059585685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816083095852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262375562130305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031496571166516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759828781875804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100216261649886,0.22904221357163335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530671592550194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365558906886935,0.0,0.0,0.2342975932655337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724534388628379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327456935723751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192017568725341,0.0,0.1748695073406084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712358879122525,0.0,0.22045649222482394,0.2222379866898312,0.0,0.0,0.2529777824693475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986522501659252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25222062569320025,0.16931935649422233,0.0,0.0,0.1652165455003713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chadbouss,2018/03/25,I've been practicing i've been practicing hanging myself for a few days leaning forward to cut off blood what i'm going to do it on and with. so recently i sat myself down to see how going would feel and i feel nothing no pain just a slow loss of consciousness i think this is what i want to do ,2.3642857142857165,3.690445746031749,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,75.66666666666666,7.5796825396825405,25.29841269841269,8.238735603445708,1.4601326984126977,234,8,51,4,5,79,44,63,0.07400000000000001,0.826,0.099,0.1255,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,1,1,0,11,15,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,3,3,6,0,10,11,1,10,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330715916625337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365467029236669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107812347925223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467707997027649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845525884339091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568365878368918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879871430329522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315690265837943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131617021192389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567265271660455,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinguletto,2018/03/25,a question although i do not feel overly depressed my life seems kind of monotomous and i feel like i would like to commit suicide for the one last thrill. is there anything behind this... should i do it?,1.9138461538461515,4.67918602564103,2.2776410256410284,92.62569230769232,86.17948717948721,4.1456410256410265,23.18461538461539,5.6839178017228535,0.4053138461538461,161,6,30,1,5,49,33,39,0.1,0.624,0.276,0.7097,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,8,2,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,4,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25519388700758044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26709705842606984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136015972862644,0.22154245505333736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229315657079759,0.0,0.2527808220017637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903967528939972,0.3030079023669906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013838062753296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473938726481785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28231225380626523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33920971480341383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029305667650487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bowzraine,2018/03/25,"I’m always alone Yesterday I went on a college accepted students day and I hated it. The students... I was there with my friend, but I felt like they were all so judgy and had no interest in being my friend (and more interested in her and the other ppl that were there.) I don’t rlly have social media because I hate taking pictures. So besides the small “friends “ I have at my school I talk to no one.  Even then those friends rarely talk to me outside of school. And when they do they take forever to respond. Yesterday they asked to go to the movies and I ended up going to the wrong theater apparently so I watched the movie alone. I’ve tried tinder and other sites to try and find people like me. Not be lonely. But I feel like I’m the only one. I have to go to prom since I already bought my dress but I feel like I have no one to go with. I feel like I’m going to cry once I get there. I feel like I’m going to be like this forever. I don’t see the point in anything... the point in living...",0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.5685885167464133,93.56761961722488,83.73684210526315,5.3311004784689,20.026315789473685,6.574015621080383,0.12823253588516748,770,22,172,8,22,256,105,209,0.12,0.669,0.21,0.9694,1,4,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,4,0,8,18,2,0,10,0,14,0,0,0,1,22,38,16,0,0,4,0,5,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,7,0,1,7,6,4,0,3,7,7,30,14,22,28,2,24,0,1,2,0,14,11,0,0,13,111,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209303381860432,0.11769937959482615,0.0,0.08874771696586009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777016604080058,0.0,0.09971051401342948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501751934012091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171584308281759,0.0687853668830346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446702874746496,0.0,0.0,0.07044637826273653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571726961984852,0.304785013357948,0.10240807938406893,0.0,0.09748316862082043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296137729682107,0.0,0.05572422501578296,0.0,0.3636960353123775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060471493080712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647528150065919,0.0,0.09418066749811628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358692655952125,0.21682197142922527,0.08111795631470012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739429917246194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165192627504352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588649142021216,0.08499234569865828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882283182025868,0.0,0.0,0.10872405226073126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038657264050332,0.17145477335487033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482709937057842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887271901959274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661340738805635,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,conflagratorX,2018/03/25,"Going-away party I will die soon. I have already chosen reliable and hopefully painless method for my departure. I’ve made my research and I am sure I will succeed. I was gradually losing my will to live over past 4 years. It started with my first depressive episode. My brother with whom I lived together for 5 years left me for his girlfriend to different city. In same time my mother moved from my country to Australia (around 14000 km away). I had no girlfriend, no friends, deeply rooted social phobia and no perspective for meeting someone. 


I landed in group therapy with suicide thoughts and found there my first and only girlfriend. Being in love blunted my feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. At least for some time. 8 months later I have found myself slipping into depression again. This time I tried to run from myself. So, I have changed my job and left my country. At first life was good again. But few months later I started feeling cold breath of depression at my neck. I have broken up with my girlfriend and from this moment things started detracting. First hospitalization in psychiatric hospital in country which language I don’t speak nor understand. Then suicide attempt. Second hospitalization. And third. I went back to my country for fourth mental hospital. I was diagnosed there with borderline personality disorder. I will soon go to fifth hospital on half-year stationary therapy specifically for people with personality disorders. I doubt it will help, but at least at time I will be killing myself, I will know that I have done everything to prevent this. 


Therapy is brutal. I started to remember things I wish I never remembered. Psychological abuse. Sexual abuse. Manipulations of my mother. Detachment of my father. First cuts and suicide thoughts. Chaos. I am broken, and I doubt I will ever heal again. Too many bad things happened. At least thought of death is comforting me now. My little lucky star in which I found shelter. I am going from where I came – straight into nothingness. And never felt more confident about this. This world is not designed for people like me – and it never supposed to be. I will fulfil my destiny and leave this earth clean.  I saved a lot of money. I will leave them to my brother and my ex-girlfriend. Only two people I really cared for, and only two ever truly cared for me.
",4.4325106837606825,7.514515413461543,4.779275641025642,77.26294658119659,76.35576923076924,7.640085470085468,29.67713675213675,8.582038596145509,2.90115188034188,1876,85,296,41,45,591,211,416,0.17600000000000002,0.684,0.14,-0.9599,2,0,1,0,2,5,56.0,0,0,1,8,16,23,3,2,1,0,30,6,2,3,6,61,56,21,6,2,3,5,3,1,5,10,3,1,1,2,16,26,0,1,13,0,1,6,10,11,0,9,15,5,63,12,56,28,8,67,0,5,0,1,21,27,0,6,35,225,79,3,0.0,0.17427656939432154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115825746033818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654702561562563,0.0,0.0,0.138195081524708,0.056551231673111414,0.06140664071033172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411539108875424,0.1499671731946275,0.0,0.07780039924118462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900314809719676,0.07464618646065374,0.07632764839169158,0.07683841838076072,0.16857688863848935,0.0,0.0,0.07526162521812467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330505410333615,0.0,0.0,0.06609711380321412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437268474445909,0.0,0.07061431675580694,0.0,0.0,0.3127848516467516,0.0,0.24191346201603975,0.0568203493109224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835941434661668,0.06168569272167342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503521689152747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929537238417079,0.0,0.0,0.07304634843852177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298163371231164,0.0,0.08136616582307002,0.0,0.04041817015581091,0.0,0.0,0.15574615294334976,0.15981277244829598,0.0,0.051946701986842,0.035930160102547216,0.07371097605344241,0.12988239847841335,0.0,0.0,0.08227755746150292,0.0,0.06252496009461027,0.06637684225023792,0.06958964664916853,0.0,0.07456264671944868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411562473256694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740514196284907,0.07816623476162245,0.0,0.0,0.17016630969687185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780186962517235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020661005544881,0.15295962596657847,0.12843255669329962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711453224103637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666233134031928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496942342332932,0.0623140721704389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082208895861561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413374555452605,0.0,0.06931488315730445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523138623224836,0.0,0.14657922533859344,0.0,0.0,0.17515851135680496,0.1715377116218837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049931932769797134,0.0,0.14368470921503332,0.07656248696786924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817654955887734,0.0,0.0,0.0845726214461207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208086788835833
suicidewatch,bloo1122,2018/03/25,"I can't live with this pain anymore Im 22. I've been suffering for depression for 6 years now. And for the pass 2 years. I've been facing something called irritable bowel syndrome. And it's living hell.

I'm constantly having the urge to shit. Like every. Single. Day. feeling bloated and having cramps. Having to work and go through the day worrying if it'll act up during work or basically when I'm out of the house. Causing panic attacks and feeling anxious all the time. 
I've tried almost every method possible. Spend thousands of dollars of trying to get better but to no avail. I have to watch my diet and basically can only eat home cooked food. 
I had to give up sports. The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time. And now I can't even leave the house or run tbh without all this symptoms.

And to top that off. My depression has just been getting worst. I can't see myself living like this..... I can't work. I can't eat. I can't even live. And I'm tired of fighting for something I don't even want.

",0.8685287528005999,3.3563378543689346,2.565048543689322,90.7843390589993,87.93203883495146,4.91680358476475,21.02987303958178,6.490185161304077,0.43939865571321857,802,27,161,9,26,263,117,206,0.204,0.736,0.061,-0.9839,1,1,3,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,0,5,7,13,4,1,8,0,19,12,3,1,2,25,32,14,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,8,11,5,1,2,2,2,5,9,10,0,2,5,4,13,3,23,26,4,20,1,3,2,0,3,5,2,4,12,97,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509908779701855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298531850339843,0.11399284401332722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076457066003253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165798721331404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173699366375094,0.0,0.0,0.11807840744990032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242128474459924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482578085215245,0.0,0.19800095107796195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352313347639995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277568500275239,0.0,0.1936893356669482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162375484180693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898986608262812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201062356249196,0.11026406447182592,0.13064982569880287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529747813540878,0.0,0.0,0.265258216781697,0.0,0.0,0.12415846288189265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170833321321907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231095768396253,0.0,0.4059880756937263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788853884692057,0.08741954124786687,0.12230775019771738,0.13486116894801786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295812736011989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159490953805456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798762144973644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769778995928445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947007517854352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636320539330453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404869764136773,0.13211038738769965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560778792073788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779652250085128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080121669335044,0.0,0.2510402225704109,0.11673047666796728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803940288202627
suicidewatch,traparliament,2018/03/25,"Can anyone offer help or insight? The police showed up to my house at 7:00am this morning looking for my son who had sent a snapchat of a gun to his head with a caption that read ""life isn't worth living.""  My son doesn't live here but the police were able to track his cell phone bill to my address.  I gave the police my son's address and they went over to his apartment.  My son told the police that it was just a joke.  I do not believe that and my son refuses to talk to me about it.  I just want to get him the help he needs but he feels like I am prying into his life.  My son is 22 in case that helps.  What can I do to help him?",2.0232608695652203,2.7198839347826116,3.2166376811594226,96.5801739130435,75.59420289855072,5.809855072463769,21.046376811594204,4.935628992294339,-0.3310457971014493,485,10,120,1,10,157,84,138,0.022,0.8340000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.953,1,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,9,0,11,3,1,0,0,15,20,5,0,2,6,6,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,9,4,0,1,2,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,7,2,21,2,18,13,0,8,0,0,1,0,28,6,0,1,1,77,30,1,0.20521576129703933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349163180300367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312078886861029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376325495549192,0.14660618087465285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072167653095098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106105758393299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502071961392477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23679143574125586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898999223103465,0.10025805512123888,0.0,0.3624185539046436,0.0,0.17232955457932378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216488672228504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052712955965048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494465549568166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960924542475683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104157297003015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023706669108956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Olxic,2018/03/25,"How can I convince my girlfriend to not do anything stupid if I kill myself? I really love her a lot but I really have no will to live anymore. It is a struggle to get out of bed or do anything because of my manipulative parents. My girlfriend is the only support, but I don't want her to do the same like me. I want her to be happy. But she is not ready, she tells me she'd kill herself if I die. ",1.4716943521594672,2.712259325581396,4.020033222591362,88.12313953488373,77.83720930232558,6.309634551495018,26.239202657807308,6.868970318607317,1.040334219269104,306,12,69,3,7,108,52,86,0.249,0.58,0.171,-0.8506,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,1,4,0,12,1,0,2,0,15,17,7,3,4,8,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,20,5,8,14,2,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,4,1,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149486115436264,0.0,0.0,0.3509867069975587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300002383482501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213283748531701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114186238931618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227017352633216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718772719745921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041871996750344,0.0,0.18831092522161488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813045219798199,0.19247387981534564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621924946116276,0.0,0.0,0.2367980283375856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27323736739178656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229438065765506,0.0,0.0,0.24200291354151174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863970938059301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515704601841461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atli7788,2018/03/25,I'm just trying to save up the money to pay for funeral costs so my mum doesn't get stuck with it. I want to be prepared. It's so hard to leave everyone but I can't do it anymore. 30 years is enough waiting around to see if it'll get any better.,0.2344642857142887,1.6119663750000015,2.6851428571428606,95.75985714285716,81.67857142857143,5.908571428571428,20.128571428571426,6.742157984588678,0.04389000000000021,191,5,48,2,5,66,44,56,0.1,0.721,0.179,0.6588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,13,4,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,9,10,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639822446617527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155853953656013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832802717180636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814367547758891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288028494633597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040696323935589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325101166098889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850596015711864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33694547047086165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357745909615115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160482074283828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769241651118565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049210803212776
suicidewatch,Lunnaris,2018/03/25,"I am calm. I am ready to go. I was abused by my mum until I was 18 and moved out. So I have C-PTSD and BPD. I am autistic. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 7, and self harm since 13. I have severe GAD and meds and therapy are not working. I’m almost 25, but I’ve always feared I won’t live to see 30. Now, I have no fear. My life has been hell, but I have had a lot of experiences. I’ve bought the utensils I need to do the deed, my only concern are my two pets, since I live alone. I would ask for help again, but it never works. Seven OD attempts just in 2017, three inpatient stays. I will be deciding a date soon and subtly saying my goodbyes. 
At first i thought I was writing this as a call for help. But no, I know now, I’m ready. ",-0.14556818181818088,1.4641616666666692,2.2342992424242425,97.41144886363638,83.84848484848484,5.337121212121213,18.797348484848484,6.322622252153567,-0.2979015151515152,565,14,143,5,16,193,105,165,0.189,0.7290000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9578,0,1,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,1,2,5,0,22,1,0,0,1,23,31,13,1,2,6,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,8,0,0,3,0,1,2,5,5,0,4,9,2,23,1,13,18,1,14,1,1,1,0,9,3,1,2,8,90,25,2,0.0,0.1768537305897739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946658706699611,0.15459274918982396,0.0,0.0,0.12419981486218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395419263015486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799309998201194,0.0,0.1524154898987178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388488950223966,0.12856108141288344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600907988901382,0.0,0.3359275625622156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696409638529274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848303141313159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000973633403822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203172922797193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542975536110784,0.0,0.0,0.26360613809056793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689912919606586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657989346059288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586442775617251,0.0,0.11067755143795452,0.11512179288807745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352218964866215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448192276912766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187009241119991,0.0,0.0,0.1189442834291332,0.0,0.1557151680196621,0.16862611822811965,0.0,0.3704187947925964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590958322481852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069668051697665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849914300264534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580948512871908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733230617379026,0.0,0.0,0.1060330419247958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Adstrocat001,2018/03/25,"I can't do it I thought death by hanging would be easy, but the moment that I put the rope around my neck I just could not do anything else, it's like my entire body was frozen. Why is this so difficult, this is what I've always wanted for so long and yet I can't even do it. Pathetic, absolutely pathetic",0.5311648351648373,2.6326333692307697,2.554505494505495,93.28692307692309,84.53846153846155,6.175824175824177,20.05494505494506,7.447530270364453,0.4981868131868135,239,7,55,4,7,80,48,65,0.239,0.6890000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9343,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,11,2,2,0,0,9,13,4,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700072619957368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670331477564009,0.2888708738903579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604426981186185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908422260622993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710753671002619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432702003539528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853270411943332,0.0,0.0,0.287169381699124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262088254419821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25761414529071497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139657008710054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29280781329715355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230513156263257,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Niborrobin6789,2018/03/25,"A note. I told myself after my suicide attempt 2013 that if life doesnt get better in five years, I would kill myself. The 27th of June is approaching faster and faster. What have happened since?

*Got through highschool.
*Learned alot of socialskills but not the hard stuff.
*I had girls that showed interest in me.
*Worked as a cook for two years.
*Got alot of friends  (Not close ones)

- gained all the weight + more than I lost between middle and highschool back.
- My mind is telling me that Im useless garbage that deserves to be destroyed.
-I get jealous of other that have a SO, just because I just want to be accepted for who I am.
- I never open up to people and wonder why I dont have anyone I feel close to.
- Im never gonna amount to anything.

Just a spiteful human garbage and soon I wont have to feel this pain anymore.
Seeing psychiatrists for almost five years and I still feel like shyt. Doesnt matter now does it. I am going to die soon and that is equal scary as relief.

I wish you all a good day/night/morning, and I believe in you all. If you share my pain, now that I believe in your ability to get better. You deserve to be loved, even by yourself.",2.006840329835086,4.227806198275868,2.6870164917541253,93.76398050974515,79.6896551724138,5.069265367316342,23.44902548725637,6.046907544983943,0.3811080959520239,906,31,189,6,23,282,135,232,0.189,0.652,0.159,-0.8756,1,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,5,0,6,11,18,4,0,10,0,18,6,0,0,5,37,36,13,3,5,8,0,5,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,13,10,2,0,6,2,0,2,8,8,0,4,5,6,28,10,28,25,8,26,0,2,1,1,13,9,0,6,16,131,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634620894166493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513186649195612,0.08822461408566598,0.0,0.10383141585746247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702091905423453,0.0,0.0769152138266039,0.0,0.0,0.28431242291393416,0.0,0.22318337249889453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813725478247409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130949908200345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041674342732978,0.0,0.14787636205532748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333751121822063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139387453525109,0.09013956819444882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748262501149914,0.0,0.1977639592794759,0.0,0.07170825804042838,0.10582974805833406,0.20182762297825274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157628803171768,0.0,0.11302817091625122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725816753789755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959413357617442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912125553219713,0.0616428157580237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377351052846063,0.0,0.11387801907236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274009553724009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946281424283334,0.0,0.0,0.11840685172154487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549956208748445,0.0,0.2685185583558734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747397743254669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054527624838143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043734062601502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007636554655424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444403849654892,0.1380151592722058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028266185431684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056578410686584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325480922028502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442138561964108,0.0,0.0,0.15364736788855826,0.0,0.0,0.11385346757214422,0.0,0.1450952210370672,0.0,0.13683159192341807,0.0918570280637353,0.0,0.0,0.08963122215231704,0.0,0.0,0.2437580221458928
suicidewatch,Hangable,2018/03/25,"Writing ‘that’ note lately The suicidal thoughts and attempts on my own life caused me to be extremely hateful and cynical to the people closest to me.

Recently one of those close people suggested to me that I should write it down and reflect upon it. This has pretty much turned into me writing notes for those closest to me for after I attempt suicide again, successfully this time. 

I never thought writing it down would help me, it only helps me prove how I feel and that I’m nothing but a burden upon others. I stopped talking to the girl I loved because I couldn’t bear to have her or myself any more committed then we were. The feelings I currently have about myself and life are the worse I’ve had in recent memory and the only positive I see on the horizon is stopping myself from living.

So I’ve written my notes and the first chance I get when I have no other commitments to worry about, Im going to actually push the knife in this time around. I just thought I’d ask if anyone else has wrote ‘that’ note and would like to share it with me.",7.0480052956752015,6.481212291262139,7.236937334510152,76.53264342453664,64.4368932038835,9.821006178287732,34.261253309797,9.095868883498916,2.9377048543689317,836,32,155,12,11,271,125,206,0.11,0.737,0.154,0.8711,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,4,9,7,2,0,10,0,14,3,0,2,4,40,29,15,2,5,4,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,16,13,0,2,7,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,7,3,27,4,28,17,3,29,0,0,1,1,15,13,0,2,15,119,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.13667493877649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524322146643133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793075996423374,0.1435044334394698,0.0,0.12467997703249005,0.1309339195086409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537714129910437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438766039115634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699923252547265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163354735702652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913198575656153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317373965111879,0.0,0.07959733548725689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827679591129474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775383685677355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151285051789896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798983031577427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978520931757239,0.06842453045651012,0.0,0.12367245379767647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640645772787382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029576412285135,0.0,0.10802020556262508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438798729482662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949059078196288,0.2130385560219637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419508208322844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248780981229248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765777907116621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160689582905853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341870074933784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063981537167831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257210794638614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335676451439191,0.16333614072150385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523412517232782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223417234934346,0.14272953694995613,0.19898423570039944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ashl33,2018/03/25,"Why do I have to live? Why do people get so concerned with the lives of suicidal people? So many people die everyday, why does my life matter so much? We’re over populated, too many people. What’s one more life that’s ended? ",1.4913333333333334,3.9084710222222254,3.391111111111112,86.78000000000004,83.22222222222223,6.2666666666666675,17.88888888888889,7.554174236665415,0.529355555555556,176,4,35,3,5,59,34,45,0.198,0.78,0.023,-0.8891,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916008689849236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615575320510687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351379120239665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964535395572142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607975864919532,0.0,0.0,0.3260362521141026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743405753037015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571301628561852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509967069796918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119542371576672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019384726042718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997580439016799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sokkuk,2018/03/25,"I want to die I wish so much that o my way to work today I will be hit and killed by car or some random mug with a knife. Plz let a random pice of satellite fall from the sky and hit me in the head or a dog  jump to my throat I kill me. It could be a lightning or a brick that fallen from construction site. I don't have a will to live and dying smells like a freedom plz let me die just now and o will promise I will never cry. All I want is to fall asleep forever never wake up and be done with this world. God plz I don't want to live I don't want to breath all I beg is death.
Why it's so hard why when I wake up I wish I died. There is nothing in this world that makes me happy not I single thing that I can look up to. All that I want is to die plz let me die I don't want to live anymore.",-0.639250474383303,0.6203040376344084,1.6824351676154343,102.487770398482,83.89247311827957,4.806578115117015,15.24225173940544,5.0885558068054335,-1.2508503478810875,605,8,169,2,17,205,91,186,0.184,0.637,0.179,-0.9171,0,0,0,0,1,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,9,0,22,6,6,1,5,30,34,11,9,9,5,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,3,24,3,21,20,6,20,0,0,1,0,0,9,0,6,6,109,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013423975072818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158828783322566,0.0,0.11224801101782486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6363260465503172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457314276262956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878033946562196,0.09153979835545774,0.0,0.10487370718812836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261103357787869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134804813953856,0.0,0.04992357992533702,0.0,0.27069991962846224,0.0,0.08581164157967049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682108528988503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751194636850713,0.0,0.15762637551118086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805152304234957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788873795440796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686166399891756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616364970465713,0.0811115658960521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441638715619046,0.0,0.2350208300887228,0.0,0.0,0.07439361141848723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Randomaccount7492,2018/03/25,"It's been two years 3am I woke up to the buzz of my phone next to me on my pillow. It was a txt from my friend. A suicide note. 

""I appreciate everything you've done for me. I'm sorry I can't do this anymore. Im going to end this. Thanks for being my friend"" 

I immediately called the police. They arrived at his house to find that he'd overdosed. Thankfully they arrived in time rushing him to hospital. He survived. I skipped class that whole week in order to spend time with him. I made him promise to never try again and that he'd message me if he ever needed to talk. 

We grew close, became good friends and eventually started dating. 

A year later he killed himself on his birthday. I was busy that day and didn't make time to see him. I remember our last conversation vividly. He was checking in with me almost as if he was making sure I was happy.

I found out the next morning via Facebook. RIP posts starting appearing in my facebook feed. It was the worst way to find out. 

I've blamed myself ever since. I feel completely responsible. I didn't notice the warning signs, I wasn't their for his birthday, I completely failed him. Feeling responsible for his death has emotionally drained me over the last two years. I feel extremely burdened. 

I've developed trust issues. I can't trust anyone I care for anymore. I tried dating again, the lack of trust ruined our relationship. I was to afraid of commitment and getting hurt again.

Now I've fallen into depression I'm sad and lonely all the time and don't see anyway out. Honestly the only thing keeping me going is seeing the pain and surfing that his suicide put people through. Something I wouldn't wish on anyone.",2.4441494505494497,5.020757467692313,3.7526593406593416,84.69676923076923,80.47692307692307,6.175824175824177,25.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.4684021978021975,1327,52,246,20,35,433,179,325,0.174,0.669,0.157,-0.8559,0,2,1,0,0,2,38.0,3,0,3,2,7,25,1,1,13,0,22,2,0,3,6,41,47,10,4,6,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,11,15,1,1,7,0,2,7,8,11,0,2,15,7,51,14,38,28,4,51,0,6,4,0,33,15,0,4,26,156,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914624469047073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963866546959856,0.13846302550950962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011023517205406,0.0,0.10094936227451673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762445704854102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385456758297953,0.0,0.0852789154121778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132368181206143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137520586343423,0.08769526928271795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912409738051172,0.0,0.0,0.08898562724738562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019037037898486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099040133015426,0.0,0.0,0.10856157915948772,0.22948934376626814,0.0,0.05172969853210285,0.0,0.11254163551969,0.08304659225166773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540014589062877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142465877469678,0.10599442475835268,0.0,0.1069499817669252,0.10334283404417904,0.0,0.08800644061874037,0.1095421401309144,0.0,0.0,0.16141603703416255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368757576066908,0.13218259627025947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341616485623642,0.07636418058954485,0.0,0.21060083201501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272585115571558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530310963519403,0.10535577962206903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864247406568608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482615423832312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953443635546697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630186482661463,0.11216132750791782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366993037202001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190377347233763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622429714118134,0.0,0.11083586012501014,0.1401624473422297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166061786391118,0.0,0.09331766548378467,0.0,0.0,0.07958211832488814,0.0,0.18231394706032564,0.0,0.0,0.06577919245220433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309388411527313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444533661252314,0.0,0.19344073045949256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785911399142402,0.0794214772741193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054339434909577,0.11385894684818736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912815011339224
suicidewatch,rvfvclv,2018/03/25,"My girlfriend tried to kill herself tonight and I don't know what to do my girlfriend tried to kill herself tonight. she called me a few hours ago and sounded completely insane because of all the meds she took to end her life. thankfully she regretted it when she was starting to black out and tried to vomit and get everything out of her system. she said she called me because she wanted me to know that she was still alive. i thanked her for it, tried to calm her down and tell her that i love her but i honestly don't know what to do. she hung up when her mom got home because she would have to explain everything.... we're in a long distance relationship and her family doesn't know about me, there's no way for me to reach her, so i'm just glad she's not alone right now. (ps: she broke up with me yesterday. we've been together for one year and a half, during this time she broke up with me like four or five times when she was going through hard times, only to take it back after it was over)

i love her with all my heart and i guess i just want some advice about what i can do to help her, things someone who just tried to end their life would like to hear, stuff like that.

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suicidewatch,yas98,2018/03/25,i need someone to talk to i dont know how much i can continue with life,-1.6647058823529406,0.08726047058823383,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,91.35294117647058,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.3250235294117654,56,2,15,1,2,20,14,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5447510029118775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255446081223566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283073282108852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341687040739133,0.34464891890398724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938299403376771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735947130781238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ray985s,2018/03/25,"Abused and I can't take it anymore I’m 19 years old.

My mother calls me stupid, dumb all the time and judges my intelligence, compares me to other and says that she’s more intelligent than I am. 

She would ask me something like (do you know the formula of electric force? No, you see, you’re dumb.) (Or something like: do you remember the address of the shop you were yesterday? You forgot everything you studied only one year age, you’re basically retarded. You’ll never be successful, you’re only intelligent, attractive in our own eyes. Other people are a lot intelligent than you are, they will be successful and you won’t.) 

And when I try to tell her that she’s wrong, she changes the topic immediately. Or asks questions she doesn’t know answers to. It pisses me off, things that I plan to do end up disturbed by her stupid bullshit and I can’t do anything because she criticizes me and demotivates me all the time. 

She would read the same books I do, drink the same coffee, try to force me to think that I am incapable, too weak to do something on my own without telling her. I hate her so much that I can choke that bitch without any regrets. But I don’t want to be in jail. My dad deals with the same bullshit as I do.

I’m a full time student, have no money, can’t move out. I can’t even clean my own room because she’ll pick up on me and tell me what I do wrong, that I am worthless.

What should I do? How to ignore her and do my own thing? 

How to live my own life without getting threat?
",3.0696287128712854,4.560024217821784,4.171373762376238,87.64240717821781,74.14851485148516,7.294224422442245,26.48638613861386,7.9370924344782425,1.4213455445544554,1170,42,250,17,24,381,152,303,0.202,0.701,0.097,-0.9884,0,0,4,0,1,1,41.0,1,9,1,3,6,20,8,1,11,0,34,5,2,3,3,40,47,17,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,7,2,1,3,0,15,11,1,2,6,4,2,1,13,15,0,1,2,3,55,5,28,35,14,22,0,2,2,0,35,10,4,4,13,177,70,5,0.0,0.14306918474974858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211424396773093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975170411693635,0.0,0.0,0.09936708640564168,0.0,0.2257701838439639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721634362972538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232994057310769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277376497750124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448810445202785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182891787653297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069487940090032,0.0,0.0,0.07975433648540482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852245048203617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308697057103367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921577598609592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272225115206795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528940326889159,0.11798484975150922,0.0,0.10662459634263408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265746104981482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283383018287387,0.08876525531173894,0.0,0.0931299611294657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670697202104372,0.0,0.08182342794260362,0.18367186340800395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371295144156805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352678050599098,0.0,0.12078282857155018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678638322836634,0.0,0.0,0.096025367319718,0.0,0.0,0.09622223746199617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788780986743528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907890866610935,0.0,0.3166228650266778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604420708480739,0.07737182163802216,0.0,0.0,0.2112311537994392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396285373716785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122156809887098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34919651225757764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715548867883889,0.264042670777192,0.0,0.15551827770437693
suicidewatch,Pine_Lumps,2018/03/25,"this made me depressed man :>( Its 2011, your listening to ‘party rock’ out of your phone on max volume walking around school. Its also mufti day and everyones checking out everyones snapbacks and looking inside to see if its real or not, you are pulling up your light blue swag pants and taking off your kathmandu jacket when it was way too hot to wear in the first place, you also have a cold juicy from the canteen. You hate Justin Bieber but want his hair. Theres a group of kids around the toilets and someones planning on pashing someone else but the girl is too “fridget”. Now your contemplating to play handball or not..

deep stuff tbh",7.198178571428571,7.511636841666667,6.042380952380952,82.275,63.91666666666666,8.523809523809524,32.976190476190474,7.957251820313856,2.2896190476190474,511,19,94,5,7,152,92,120,0.037000000000000005,0.926,0.037000000000000005,0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,8,0,2,9,3,1,0,6,0,4,2,2,1,0,18,11,12,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,8,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,2,0,1,2,8,10,1,16,9,0,18,0,1,3,0,15,11,0,3,4,61,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244119013924101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611298012117212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081088720298906,0.0,0.1747002760652805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694414395538329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876323798859341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253015022217094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200256179894174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032913281285691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919260496005151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191793330577602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308690342689349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052784244491956,0.16163211232426802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437204895287863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321959359804165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525056186603369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963650813476315,0.1609998646551997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newyearnewdick,2018/03/25,terrified of death but fuck i cant do this anymore i wish i didn't have to but my life is just so shit it's not fair i've always felt isolated and alone and alienated from everyone else. theres only a handful of people i've met that i connect with everyone seems different and i just feel alone when i'm with them. and those handful of people all got the fuck out of my life. i cant do this i'm gonna drop out and quit my job and if i do that i basically have to just die i can't live like a normal person i'm not normal life comes so easily to other people i don't understand it i've never understood it i'm too old to be feeling this wayu i should have things figured out by now i'm so alone no one has ever cared about i have to leave there's no other way out,-1.054019968470833,0.965148855491332,1.936933788754601,95.1817327903311,92.23699421965318,5.4575932737782455,16.534156594850238,6.980632752743323,-0.05788786127167666,604,15,145,10,22,212,93,173,0.278,0.6509999999999999,0.07,-0.9899,2,3,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,13,5,3,0,3,0,16,8,3,0,3,35,35,13,2,5,8,0,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,12,13,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,5,5,16,2,18,27,1,12,0,0,0,2,3,4,3,2,6,93,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299735106197517,0.0,0.0,0.1151469062951584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724013950689076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109211833292185,0.0,0.0,0.11920590695108498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362115881157386,0.1445822440704808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560240885266394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517661218682508,0.0,0.26446444849677997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399426209505726,0.0,0.1328707252857076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25586829525591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067864609715597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732516364102973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465290981544465,0.0,0.0,0.2932349820671997,0.06760762762835129,0.0,0.1221959602565644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673058017778604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711746598356279,0.0,0.0,0.14521114872556035,0.0,0.09377285065446324,0.10524757181321824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878149555973507,0.12083192008462752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471888431554932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597996013409474,0.0,0.0,0.14204959765680486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193644611713704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406304047771948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098430952198136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591352301788795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tahi_Ruha_toru,2018/03/25,"My brother doesn't like that I am gay and now my whole family knows our family (extended) are all ""very good"" Christians and now they are starting to just distance everyone from me
ive cut myself since i was 12 and now i started smoking 
family doesnt like me going outside so im selling pictures of my chest on grindr to make an income so they might think im not worthless
And then recently one of my bestfriends literally stole my girlfriend so im just 
not tooo keen on living 

what do I do?
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suicidewatch,Nuclear_0_Cookie,2018/03/25,"I can't do anything right My life has been nothing but constant failures. No matter what I do, No matter what I try it's always failure upon failure....I can't take this anymore.",0.4866666666666682,2.9559387777777815,2.6235555555555585,89.07700000000004,91.77777777777777,2.8800000000000003,26.644444444444442,3.1291,0.5799511111111109,140,7,25,0,5,47,26,36,0.261,0.596,0.14300000000000002,-0.7601,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215556575189634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832525311970808,0.0,0.0,0.3180137407101434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41761295283858185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729596203088047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708072368330266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33002444334614506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056076925601065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623727953620788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TannerMcNZ,2018/03/25,"I'm bad at Orianna :( im a 17yearold trans who is anorexic, i dropped out of school last year  and i work full time at mccdonalds. i smoke alot of durrys so im dieing anyway and like i dont have a girlfriend because my mate cucked me and was fucking my gf over the internet ( i met her online as i am a dropkick with no friends and no life goals smh). at this point in time im just selling my self on grinder to ",0.34343320848938674,2.2161296853932626,2.188014981273408,96.98878901373286,83.6067415730337,5.303870162297129,24.495630461922595,6.42735559955562,0.4960626716604248,318,13,77,3,9,105,66,89,0.125,0.81,0.065,-0.6369,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,8,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,11,2,12,6,2,14,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,1,5,45,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727021643272434,0.1294223767078002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034455221256727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24882606813327085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403039644595793,0.1962774336667344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6879946083372683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306121569471902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996103023470486,0.10372407909246424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070184029704705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486933908189312,0.0,0.0,0.22148592623987776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475996644160125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456441317480554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367208601011612
suicidewatch,Dulow1220,2018/03/25,"I am not scared of dying anymore. I have constant thoughts of suicidal ideation. According to the charts, I am high risk. I have spent the last four hours alone in my room crying, not eating or drinking, looking at articles of grieving families suffering from the loss of a loved one by suicide and crying about how bad I want to jump off a cliff or shoot myself but I don't want to hurt my siblings or my parents. In the last three weeks, I have done this at least 7 times. They are all in the house around my room but I don't feel close to them. I have complex PTSD and major depression and ADHD. I take my meds everyday yet still feel this way. I try to eat healthy and exercise and keep up a friendly persona with co-workers and family, but none of them know how I truly feel and what I think about when I am alone. I have no desire to harm anybody else. I am scared to kill myself. And I know that there is a better way, but I don't know if I can live with myself even after that. My whole life has been stages just like this one where I convinced myself that I needed to live to pursue a life that was worth living, with no money troubles and no debts and a healthy body and happiness, I love my siblings more than life itself because they were the reason for not killing myself more than once before, but now they are all grown and living their own lives, and my life isn't getting better at 29, turning 30 this year. By the time I realistically think I'd have my debts paid off and a college degree with a career I could be passionate about, I'll probably be near 40. I feel like I've wasted my youth and my life has been a dealer giving me bad hands my entire life. I see my peers living great lives with businesses and families and loved ones and I feel like a complete failure. I don't even know how to ask for help from my family because I don't want to be a burden on them and I simply can't put the words together to ask or tell them, I feel shameful to tell my true thoughts and feelings. I feel alone. I am too embarrassed or afraid to reconnect with my friends for fear of judgment by them that I can't ""man up"" and ""get my shit together"" because they don't know how many years I've silently suffered and told myself those exact same things every single time, every single day of my life. I am extremely hopeless about my future and I don't want to be a burden on anyone any longer. I have never crossed this threshold before ever, but I feel like I will very likely commit suicide soon and it feels calming in a way. It doesn't feel as painful, I don't hurt as much now. I don't know how I will do it without hurting my loved ones or bring them shame, but I am looking for a way now, and it doesn't scare me as much anymore. I guess this is my post to the world that I am signaling that I am making plans to kill myself. I have never been the type to seek pity or seek attention, I have always been the opposite. But writing this out and finally accepting what I have been fighting for so long, it feels very strangely calming. I just need to find a way that doesn't hurt anybody else. Thank you for reading my story.. I don't want to be forgotten.. I just want to end my suffering. And it doesn't scare me anymore. ",5.559087939903648,5.070151854984897,5.950677716991919,84.26657263003186,67.45921450151057,8.848599657058871,29.82542663509431,8.098718942377014,1.8252403364089165,2536,79,538,28,37,817,277,662,0.172,0.631,0.197,0.9555,3,3,1,1,2,7,58.0,0,1,11,4,27,56,5,10,26,0,60,20,3,7,8,115,112,53,8,11,23,1,13,5,2,2,9,0,2,1,26,36,3,1,27,3,6,5,27,34,0,6,13,16,97,22,72,91,14,62,0,12,3,5,29,22,1,9,33,373,123,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241656678355963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136903224948945,0.0,0.0,0.04321462689315446,0.0,0.0,0.03531802753827869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545186479005939,0.036314618762453364,0.0,0.0,0.046233745504476086,0.09710565652235524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672820806169944,0.09497848291295084,0.0,0.08838683730156806,0.0,0.0,0.09186573577466946,0.0,0.057688806591446214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054453547983185635,0.056123994464639525,0.0,0.04146639587052285,0.0,0.1140977604544962,0.03349420207285527,0.0,0.04473210505509361,0.0,0.05390101212181343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314820852821002,0.0,0.050877171502133584,0.0,0.1062862852084986,0.08677115395027897,0.0,0.045999576559214654,0.0,0.0,0.06860602293057946,0.04697877490113853,0.08751606155360088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584126010818367,0.058442052813693475,0.3151227425247856,0.1113085306742784,0.0,0.05689297337272065,0.04746824937402931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025071914326344,0.0,0.054268474171422464,0.04982141438111825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725924491377864,0.05721298118577069,0.0,0.0,0.05528647234798826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03481137596160666,0.054872872819811735,0.0,0.0,0.05114616025552369,0.05992677487257955,0.22239277883066436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461627980170136,0.17237732785222976,0.0,0.17125487228402742,0.08466898401897308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25678583196728605,0.12686569257889685,0.0,0.3210209548975211,0.04596142190227995,0.08722574267805551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874958316743961,0.0,0.034667454166354965,0.05265460431893737,0.0,0.0,0.057688806591446214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635736700624864,0.07701926280882969,0.08011196043166062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055309779440276964,0.1407717804715528,0.0,0.05526320051606446,0.0,0.057668400648191474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974000282317682,0.0,0.05599542207938902,0.0,0.06071000347653575,0.052209679756509635,0.0,0.0,0.05194971127442362,0.0,0.0,0.05339850500848548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079866106137739,0.0,0.04138599429610603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053311205316504816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041475882567072485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042753695276536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390491504023559,0.0,0.0907881063091837,0.04781537495812645,0.0,0.0,0.03450374260729687,0.06655654354857879,0.0,0.08246222037770902,0.0908522973159528,0.0,0.0,0.04962674567650438,0.0,0.035260901785929666,0.056491080842691964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570471191836837,0.18379797573905549,0.20612053460411006,0.04165965113282048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057984306030049164,0.0,0.05006411977695598,0.0,0.03780977666331888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688972033679473
suicidewatch,catmomanonymous,2018/03/25,"need advice, is it right choice for me? I’m lying here in bed at 2:45AM, doing the usual & reflecting on my thoughts and behaviours.. to keep it short & simple, and maybe this sounds dramatic but I think I’m having a psychotic episode. I’d prefer not to get into the finer details of my symptoms. Mostly because I’m too tired to write all of that emotional brain garbage 

I’m really scared to be hospitalized for the obvious reasons, but deep down I know it’s the best choice for me. I’m scared to admit I’m weak and I need help. I’ve been in therapy for so long now it’s embarrassing! 

The episode developed gradually over months but the intensity of certain symptoms came in waves and this past month has wrecked HAVOCK on my life. I’m so agitated, withdrawn and overall just depressed. I stopped caring about everything in my life and I started hallucinating & having really delusional thoughts. Especially when it comes to others facial expressions (For example when my boyfriend is smiling at me with love and I truly believe it’s angry and sarcastic). 

On the other bitter hand, this whole episode is my fault for not taking the medication I was prescribed to. Should I just start taking my prescribed medication and stick it out, even though it’s severely impacting my relationships with everything around me? It might sound obvious to some people but it’s really not to me 

I know this is an awfully pessimistic way of looking at things but i feel like there’s no hope anymore 


What’s hospitalition like for a 19 bipolar girl in Canada? Any tips? 

[sorry for any errors , English is my first language I’m just dumb tired] ",3.4673760556383506,6.310225911475412,4.573233979135623,78.7365623447591,78.40983606557377,7.893691008445106,28.258817685047198,8.754623652393294,2.733185792349728,1313,58,227,32,33,428,170,305,0.181,0.684,0.135,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,15,15,2,3,11,1,14,14,3,1,4,51,43,19,0,5,11,0,2,2,0,2,10,2,1,1,19,16,0,2,10,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,5,6,24,7,40,35,5,34,0,1,1,1,7,19,1,4,14,145,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467012698893192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481724786964901,0.0,0.14568178197474335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622786502864988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953537740061902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652954293904619,0.0,0.0,0.12068029724950716,0.11240906837381616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957415279188922,0.0,0.12250937239616895,0.10920940882695172,0.0,0.0,0.09226884379246678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225674860868896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048833312338947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074749335799144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253351436447189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054159832187238965,0.07652194562698564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111073579825606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055962411928118634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179595855945088,0.0,0.0,0.10638792957156673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952074499173242,0.0,0.0,0.1177336179526356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131494429465148,0.10466054564526474,0.0,0.0,0.09479212616786294,0.0899484095879726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096674166052868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760996378692073,0.0,0.0,0.21581127699226893,0.0,0.1136305556312696,0.0,0.0,0.17099403654647832,0.0,0.0,0.15884668870891078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225200911067868,0.07425905269958605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585905983001893,0.11013057504403544,0.0,0.11499987274161998,0.0,0.09147439134825117,0.0,0.0,0.21447871082453426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100782933109105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199048561412719,0.1516310521344196,0.0,0.0,0.08955172883088712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266399493542294,0.16107212694846404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249368603408678,0.0,0.07116148689760418,0.06863404146598845,0.10523852467486393,0.1700723971235136,0.0,0.2462225505780429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797044876465147,0.0,0.0,0.08502175482526109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958845974440445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blushingfetus,2018/03/25,"slowly going back to square one I thought I was getting better, talking to my therapist and psychiatrist. I've been told I was making improvements as I told them I wasn't having suicidal thoughts for a good 3 months, that was on wednesday. But here I am, wanting to die. I'm not getting the support I need from the people I love. ",2.899128205128207,5.077925707692311,4.247307692307693,83.90685897435898,76.53846153846155,6.7948717948717965,29.294871794871803,7.793537801064563,2.0564871794871795,261,12,49,4,6,86,48,65,0.092,0.6709999999999999,0.237,0.8668,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,8,20,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,1,10,4,7,11,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661429793911854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031385346058348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383777264475061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400028307728866,0.0,0.13053580375968055,0.1926496557298968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730051400481547,0.0,0.15331713785304685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333311325622528,0.0,0.0,0.1703092023535652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564112646409814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923529959096225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25123912139185595,0.2606448647263074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461284541434905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26668306087917515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646899350800196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389494868340783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547470896994818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,legokerik_,2018/03/25,"Any painless/instantaneous ways to kill yourself? I hate my life, but I'm scared of pain. Thought this would be the place to ask for suggestions. ",3.305555555555556,6.173302518518517,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,79.37037037037038,6.562962962962962,27.51851851851852,7.793537801064563,1.6794296296296292,116,5,23,2,3,34,25,27,0.403,0.597,0.0,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263615432056723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31118649308170826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286380745011699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36826894238841895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351143968472039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541948467462613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477760416216934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332587733957133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642598803207995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642149947292244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23645976045979786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXthe_neo_oneXx,2018/03/25,"What does this say? I just don't feel a thing anymore. It's so cliche but I do feel no way. I look at the moon and I see light fighting to surface
Fading in and out of purpose
I feel I am the moon

Floating above the surface
Where all the fun is
Unknown

Query to the unknown

Who are you? 

And reboo-reboot.

Babe I wanna fight you
I don't wanna night-night
Just craving every second alive

Sleep is death
Land of hateful lies
Just to escape 

I masturbate

What do they dream of?
Those farther above and below me
I'm just so prole, I don't even know me

I don't know where I stand

But I'm alive

Keep moving 

Broke white

Dusty gnoll
See me aiming?
I just wanna shoot game

Once you're in with the equipment
You've gotta worry about who ya target
Blasting wildly makes a lotta false prophets

Martyrs in mayhem
Find a pretty cry

Out comes your strawman

With a new coat of skin
Sand-blasted
Hateful bastard

Emptied of vessel so
Colors simply in glass
Stained, all my reasons

In the design
Desperate sign
""Escape is?""

A lofty cry
Never knowing why
The aftermath leaves

Dancing
Drifting
Dropping

Until wind decides carry
Make dance and play
Always a smiling face

Oh, I pray I'll die today",1.2464964539007113,3.841417855319152,2.3279787234042573,92.3241666666667,87.46808510638296,3.643971631205674,21.02482269503546,4.935628992294339,-0.07024539007092168,936,31,177,3,30,296,149,235,0.231,0.65,0.12,-0.9871,0,0,0,1,3,0,16.0,0,4,1,0,12,8,5,0,14,0,11,3,3,3,3,37,29,11,2,3,7,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,10,0,1,9,5,0,5,6,6,0,1,0,11,23,2,24,28,3,29,1,1,5,0,12,15,1,1,6,104,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872860221504556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342775498661174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326636616927656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398767101585468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056142207527424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538512236670702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218250243398316,0.0,0.1303473046639392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467349534037754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139937865533114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054822309780665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751067382250087,0.0,0.0,0.2550687338588496,0.0,0.0,0.1638123558517718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991490080288076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065362234052266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442903818011487,0.0,0.0,0.11931956178370155,0.1494169671085458,0.0,0.2903640446510415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647578865779164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739261870285395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906454375067922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302920144871173,0.0,0.0,0.24656286910400266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548187093795919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278044440847932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664412937885746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279920117328676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959898798567033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711244972175106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrueAmericanSicko,2018/03/25,"I'm so sad and scared and I don't know what to do I miss my friends. I wish I was normal. I just feel like a husk.. I needed somewhere to just tell somebody..

Sometimes I feel like I just need my best friend because he always comforts me and doesn't make me feel like a psycho and I fucked it up I think. I deserve to be alone.

I feel like I'm going to die like I live. Sad. Alone. Scared. Tormented.

Waking up because you hear screaming and you know they're not real but they still keep you up anyways.

I have been having chest pains for days and days. Freezing hands, pounding headaches like somebody has been hitting me. Nobody cares. That's fine. If I wasn't meant to do it alone, I wouldn't have to, is what I remind myself of constantly. I was never meant to have help. Professional or otherwise. ",-0.13907975460122654,2.1706378650306766,1.2141496932515352,97.97057423312887,96.73006134969324,3.5895950920245405,18.176441717791413,5.414198509911553,-0.4863897423312884,624,19,134,4,25,197,92,163,0.163,0.644,0.193,0.7246,0,4,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,1,6,20,1,2,2,0,17,5,3,1,1,31,39,10,1,6,7,0,6,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,5,6,0,1,9,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,7,8,28,12,12,29,1,9,0,3,0,1,10,3,1,2,11,82,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960619816157285,0.0,0.0,0.1060653988159569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540927371657226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337720866392154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129964341051504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774997689450194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441543784067245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229391894135484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578110064794138,0.3642588801171445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969662853330321,0.11784412475273864,0.0,0.0,0.0724442392285785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436681539039874,0.0,0.08544057279098971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330135035622906,0.0,0.0,0.14010855146253334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736529387435205,0.0,0.11255850178978093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508733307311775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903504238338256,0.09831285890910063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489370913066683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356372558086596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508896837568724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552397693687316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607126461029675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179784813593287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141455330896824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167774250076736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658441288319404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littlecarls,2018/03/25,"What to do when someone close says he wants to kill himself? I’m not sure if this is the right sub but I wanted some advice what to do when someone is saying to your face that they want to kill themselves. I told him that I love him, that he’s important but that doesn’t seem to have any effect.",2.2147619047619083,3.50378380952381,2.9970158730158722,96.01742857142858,75.98412698412699,5.674920634920635,20.536507936507935,5.6839178017228535,-0.2346292063492061,232,5,54,1,5,73,43,63,0.153,0.715,0.132,-0.3466,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,0,6,2,1,1,1,12,13,5,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,8,2,6,12,1,4,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,3,2,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406617066660586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559296809987619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073658528313004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069493064830641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581820690471188,0.0,0.36469202346517854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087431870046044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885648543264864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610951217414015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910291037507806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057355651323825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dabbin_Dan1337,2018/03/25,"Numb I don’t feel anything right now. I’m to depressed to even smoke weed and if I did I’d just have a panic attack. Everything is boring and uninteresting. I feel sick every time I wake up like I shouldn’t be. I don’t know if I can honestly do this much longer. I’ve called hotline and talked to everyone but I just can’t do this much longer. I’m 18 and everyone says you have your whole life ahead of you but I don’t want it. I don’t fu***** want it. I can’t even cry anymore. Everything just builds and it’s unbearable. I self harm and can’t bring myself to do even that anymore. I’m lonely, I’m tired, I’m disconnected, I’m done and I honestly want to lay in bed all day every day but I can’t so I put a mask on and ware myself out faking myself through life...I just can’t anymore it’s too much. No meds I’ve been prescribed ever work and therapy feels pointless. Idk if I’m gonna be alive an hour from now honestly...",-1.2985313531353135,0.7338220841584189,1.4062970297029729,96.97294389438947,97.96039603960396,4.871551155115512,16.634323432343233,6.588339656340683,-0.19567181518151824,719,20,172,11,30,246,103,202,0.187,0.733,0.081,-0.9659,0,2,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,0,2,12,12,1,1,3,0,22,5,1,0,2,30,38,16,0,7,10,0,3,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,7,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,3,4,21,4,13,31,5,15,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,3,9,99,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966699521085773,0.0,0.0,0.10971573138590572,0.0,0.0,0.15167728708522982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614049650211515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464520748469706,0.17196815675868266,0.0,0.11483327230079675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364385309992136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641811994861009,0.12060077306748575,0.22466538775003567,0.25479693355157657,0.2396491727214681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202240514145008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129900639661388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327234491352784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834383894308507,0.06513622644674863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809485106646467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940292986480627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564290398838916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402920262376458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385946121728,0.0,0.10602598695582707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908783353446688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716218680439626,0.0,0.0,0.15246961350376256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774331645385546,0.15323833553387406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591694343898145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885343748791818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706273321730936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Church1813,2018/03/25,"Someone please help I checked my best friends reddit out of impulse and I found him on here, he said he was going to do it tonight and I’m so scared for him, I asked him about it and he just got angry at me and isn’t responding. I’m so scared right now he doesn’t deserve to die he doesn’t deserve any of this he thinks no one cares and I’m so scared he’s going to do it. Hes one of the most caring people I’ve known and he deserves the best in the world and seeing him say those things makes me so so scared for his life I don’t know what to do I need help please he doesn’t deserve to die he doesn’t deserve anything he’s going through",-0.4777083333333323,1.4503666458333342,1.1950000000000005,102.52500000000002,87.40277777777777,3.877777777777778,18.027777777777786,4.557286568694721,-0.9488805555555552,503,13,127,1,16,162,73,144,0.171,0.66,0.16899999999999998,-0.312,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,4,3,0,11,1,0,1,0,16,28,12,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,7,4,0,2,4,3,14,5,16,24,3,11,0,0,1,0,24,6,0,1,2,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947874948537566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470308604447373,0.0,0.1303074174783318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925547407663069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842273381571113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893220411910732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282993361921882,0.10768954494355494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376494173035808,0.0,0.11147999386046263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868554588014116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660309034203283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845269812880464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304146812345926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335320919634626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890359041907848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663294174733757,0.0,0.0,0.30600870134174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903517765421195,0.13258833393548775,0.1108456166779632,0.5582001928572086,0.0,0.11107287113098337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810159840612693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260209453316176,0.08931314216595418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChillyDino,2018/03/25,"it’s been a long time since i’ve felt suicidal The last time was two years ago which feels like forever. While flossing today I’m pretty sure I found a cavity in my impacted wisdom tooth. The dentists have a hard time even getting back there to clean it, I’m pretty sure the only solution is to remove it. But that’s too expensive and neither my health nor dental insurance cover it. I know that given time that can kill a number of ways via infection. It’s kind of... exciting though? I know I don’t have the guts to actively kill myself, but if this gets worse it could be the way. And then I won’t have to deal with all this uselessness that is my existence. I know I don’t matter. Kind of ironic too I’d just reached out to another round of therapists Friday to see if i could find one. Only one doesn’t work at a hospital but we’ll see if she even calls me back. That’s probably too expensive too though. 

Also my general practitioner dr is gone too. i don’t know what happened, i called for an appointment and they said she’s not there any more. Only have four refills left on my medication so... yaaay. Guess this turned into an r/offmychest post... sorry about that. Just didn’t want to burden any of my friends with my mood. ",2.124608433734938,4.276467489959842,3.6209086345381536,87.58148343373495,78.91967871485944,7.523493975903612,22.021586345381518,8.472884824447931,1.36255140562249,971,29,201,21,24,320,148,249,0.101,0.777,0.123,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,1,1,18,13,2,0,12,0,20,7,2,0,3,33,40,16,3,6,9,0,4,1,1,2,5,1,1,0,17,7,0,0,8,0,2,2,9,4,0,4,8,7,23,8,21,27,3,24,0,1,3,0,9,6,0,4,14,129,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587257978063543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649124195790618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470977541951177,0.1134095904425798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632851400849696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208759990990296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727053896344771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150270467141307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428702648584949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468624542023033,0.07726571020611189,0.10384543383255077,0.0,0.09885139920293834,0.0,0.0,0.11858600147551555,0.0835600214771544,0.0,0.11301269111872175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914455067051798,0.0,0.09564080802267796,0.0,0.09688533098253492,0.0,0.0,0.11496334528392507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931421211388065,0.2252528687234349,0.2377558890253161,0.0881604825303068,0.0,0.0,0.11751035377334625,0.0,0.0,0.0528389034255605,0.0,0.0,0.09571347004178113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895444078603762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657679239710142,0.24676947607379016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035822668893122,0.2200643415968091,0.11660901538397853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028798481512438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237052124417285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946665180295589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107028632123401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183036430502155,0.0,0.20386897284341188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557589545372266,0.0,0.0,0.21252280723973804,0.0,0.25226340635169586,0.0,0.10251797081323477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764121191378145,0.1056513866383336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379242023902455,0.1716962687165929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873788007788958,0.0,0.1102188377261442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964805459207662
suicidewatch,DarkestDaysofLight,2018/03/25,"On Feb 7 I had a very serious suicide attempt. I ended up calling 911 full of regret for what I did but now all I can think about is what a mistake I made. I should have gone through with it and I regret every day I am alive. I haven't tried again since then but I want to, I am really religious now since that attempt and that is the only thing stopping me. I am afraid of losing my salvation if I did commit suicide. But the past week I have started to care less and less. I was diagnosed a few years back with depression but I think it was a misdiagnosis and I have a bipolar disorder instead as I have good days and bad days.  
  
I just want to be normal, I have no money for insurance and due to my attempt I owe 14,000 to the hospital. Funny how much it cost to save a life.  
  
I don't know what I want anymore besides to die. I made this account separate from my main account because I am afraid of what if one of my friends or co-workers found out how bad I really am.",2.7269430894308933,3.6606518731707363,4.590731707317072,86.49113821138212,74.17073170731706,7.8081300813008125,27.8130081300813,8.238735603445708,1.7296276422764234,754,29,166,12,15,258,114,205,0.225,0.638,0.13699999999999998,-0.9723,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,4,9,14,0,2,9,0,22,3,0,4,2,37,35,17,3,10,8,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,0,5,1,3,10,0,1,9,0,31,4,22,24,7,20,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,3,15,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460444672540729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323549174971402,0.2459154629107249,0.08976963056618009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037110457447067,0.0,0.15014356098527268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28491568285528923,0.0,0.1268366609600509,0.14946796702806306,0.15283484628049182,0.0,0.168775164729899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130430541758791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240746999740072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146532988356205,0.1137743600847522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351649190660564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093141807542621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401560090251284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647486607006739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786859852870074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825461331235653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428562544018048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978863374763043,0.11199948943854343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405783707711731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867978889337528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436335194238701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423289700011078,0.0,0.0,0.12311773869559367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221617478260989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783441887084283,0.18871925965359165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999813230220058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150668378875125,0.2605770676927229,0.0,0.11812480186075812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720858805357164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483198666395627
suicidewatch,nohopeanymoresadface,2018/03/25,"I feel so guilty. It’s going to be over soon for me but I am going to leave a corpse behind. I keep crying to myself, I’m going to be dead within four hours. 
I’m going to leave a rotting corpse in my bedroom for my family to find, they will be so hurt - It’s going to feel so bad for them.

I keep have this realisation that it’s going to be over soon - and I know I should carry on - but I have tried medical Help and it just hasn’t done anything for me.

I can’t fathom how they’ll react. 
I can’t fathom death 

But I know what I have to do.

God, please forgive me.
",-0.8561904761904771,0.9778786190476224,2.154920634920636,95.64285714285715,88.20634920634922,4.552380952380953,13.761904761904766,5.773587663045528,-1.016866666666666,430,6,105,3,14,152,66,126,0.294,0.624,0.08199999999999999,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,16,1,0,2,0,17,30,9,2,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,2,6,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,1,2,20,1,19,22,0,14,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,76,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524211365840384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736774566625102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938738285908677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061786014142286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638580258714153,0.0,0.1784845215949691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613151950746544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6018443769765184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830231740410688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381413740219825,0.0,0.18894384653613905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137575480666733,0.0,0.0,0.19399643266317412,0.0,0.0,0.3737699895312936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780230741667738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374086658620854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982997740838408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Need_Serious_Help_,2018/03/25,I think I'm suicidal I KNOW I'm depressed but I think that I'm suicidal now. I cut my wrist constantly and have found it harder and harder to wake up in the morning.  I keep trying to find a reason to keep going but my list is becoming shorter and shorter everyday. I have so much drama in my life and voices in my head. I want to tell my friends but I don't think they'd take it as anything serious. I just really need motivation. And someone to talk to.,0.08531250000000057,2.366481906250001,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,89.3125,6.533333333333335,22.583333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.4118708333333334,357,14,75,8,12,126,58,96,0.157,0.75,0.094,-0.7296,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,0,2,0,5,4,3,2,0,21,19,10,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,8,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,15,1,11,17,1,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604049886850613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152770965007463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064247357746685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788686099433972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815605535413662,0.0,0.0,0.2137229661233737,0.15059699641797542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107792109412296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004719362914936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34651296844835794,0.0,0.0,0.10712456188659368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767985216406065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329080472160913,0.1445329059871744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487264033369877,0.20041326864952289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515759260982107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264281648979171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655780847945768,0.15667169278911433,0.1703712598043008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746962889822103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323398956829408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497061288880756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shakermaker94,2018/03/25,"Not depressed but I kind of want to die I feel like I’m going to do it soon. Why not? I’m getting ready to turn 20 and I’ve already had a fucking amazing life. Shit is pretty boring currently. I don’t know what I’m going to do or if I decide to leave when that will be. Maybe I need help. Maybe I’m perfectly fine. I’ve just never heard of anyone feeling like this. Obviously I’m not the only human to have ever had this thought but it’s not a common or popular one that’s for sure. 

Whatever happens just let there be fucking love. ",-0.24398757763975,1.9181172782608729,2.4918322981366465,91.8279347826087,89.2608695652174,5.024844720496893,20.388198757763973,6.5431188927421005,0.3311242236024841,417,14,91,5,14,145,74,115,0.14400000000000002,0.562,0.294,0.9692,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,3,0,3,0,11,5,1,0,5,24,31,7,1,3,11,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,4,3,5,9,9,23,0,8,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,3,8,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625802451542396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435440117758816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317892152265916,0.0,0.18457657862580285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087233240977886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984905840282595,0.2541071364583785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32883242906508797,0.09291745085571604,0.0,0.20214851786026092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726906405427554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920675362697998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519975192637075,0.09773977999939502,0.0,0.0,0.18831375425647004,0.0,0.18186008583370025,0.12561823566765593,0.1737736236068131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605134011159601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573414074646992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318709190971037,0.13716617723303828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051338455287827,0.13526026996790827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093381763589933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255686660392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676182124119415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119024767852928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344591157682545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489846784198574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047879527337314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bradsr34,2018/03/25,"I really don't know what do with myself. 10 months later and I still live after several suicide attempts later I'm still here. I should of been dead so long ago, why am I not dead. Does my body not want to give up, having so much blood loss being put in a psyche. I really want to die but I'm sick and tried of trying to kill myself. My body doesn't want to fucking give, I've tried to accept the fact I have somewhat of a purpose but I haven't found it, everything takes time right? I still have an addiction its difficult to resist the urge to cut. I did it again yesterday 8 new scars, it makes me feel like shit after. But those short 15 minutes are worth it to feel alive, I've tried to stop it and I got addicted to other shit like liquor. But that shit stopped. I got into a sport to distract myself a little but, people are assholes and make fun of me from my scars and just like Fuck. It gives me an urge almost anything with lines on it makes me triggered. So yeah if anyone wanna talk to me :/, it gets pretty fucking lonely somedays. I'm a active self harmer and a teen for anyone wondering.",1.5731437725270323,3.6077937973568304,3.041139367240689,91.63693532238688,80.18942731277535,5.713175810973167,19.12875450540649,6.7829847944221076,0.13834977973568252,860,20,182,9,22,281,130,227,0.252,0.623,0.125,-0.9869,0,2,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,2,9,17,8,1,10,1,14,13,6,4,1,38,38,15,5,6,9,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,9,1,2,6,2,1,1,5,12,0,0,5,2,22,5,27,31,2,24,0,2,0,3,5,7,6,4,19,111,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283202194868167,0.0,0.0,0.09282784161157484,0.0,0.10486181773275492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644512849713112,0.0,0.08617552592817537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264032453137976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868268641258226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164105928391494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411546200647043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589902013309953,0.07481189225772245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481992648478392,0.0,0.2904354824142294,0.05471180714689328,0.301370509160982,0.0,0.0,0.1675080842667176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585701473943845,0.0,0.05755129897192731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534825088468498,0.10495681531377653,0.09246955907710112,0.09267378490765574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097039685286208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358639690884262,0.0,0.07698114976835592,0.0,0.0,0.1011390978672575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259956871460961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653774985947656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527238783298704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417245365010966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894301922646459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924565742431837,0.11830363977397287,0.3224803087145935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25088825763800354,0.17510099185001635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454653524777515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873630569804269,0.08416986051891312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106299523490397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28439165652506665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852994681748391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944933897486753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135642262046892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,send_flour_pics,2018/03/25,Self talk is scaring me I dont know if I would go through with it but the voice in my head is telling me to end it all more and more often . I went if 0 is fine and 10 is suicide I went to an 8 today. Im really worried...,-2.3501257861635203,-0.8451108867924528,1.2134905660377378,102.0955817610063,91.83018867924528,4.2880503144654085,18.26729559748428,5.46131890053228,-0.7091987421383643,165,5,47,1,6,60,39,53,0.156,0.802,0.042,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,10,10,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,5,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931588723512156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154726684115192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215870456386187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567128765075158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701910415804238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746883386674874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024426094463956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504309200635782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609475963079977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27360943897494017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010507630402212,0.21863089096691232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371007667714199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637592809762586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25402641385065977,0.0,0.17769025183215836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oneanongirl,2018/03/25,"I deserve to die I spent five years with this man. I deluded myself into believing he was a nice, kind, gentle man. He was a liar. He manipulated me. He abused me. At first emotionally, then physically. I wasn't very nice to him either. I am pretty sure it was my fault. I would want to hit someone who spoke to me the way I did to him. Or, rather, if someone spoke to me the way I did to him, I would have just killed myself. I don't know. I let it go on five years.

Now I am traumatized. I am afraid of men. I am suicidal all the time. I'm a bitch who's pushed away anyone who can help me. It's not even like this man hurt me that bad - people get taken prisoner in warzones and don't end up as traumatized as me. This isn't the first time I've been suicidal, either. It happened eight years ago for no reason. Just pathetic.

Nobody helps me because I do not deserve help. I deserve to get pushed away when  I ask for help. I'm not even really suicidal - I'm not gonna do it. Probably.

EDIT: I have been out of the relationship six months now. He's in the past.",-0.5528229885057456,1.6054532977777818,2.1727509578544084,93.30400000000002,91.57777777777778,5.770114942528736,17.536398467432953,7.237678284180719,0.2336191570881225,812,22,189,15,29,281,116,225,0.242,0.642,0.116,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,3,1,9,0,23,0,0,2,2,23,39,7,5,5,11,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,4,12,4,0,0,2,0,1,3,9,7,0,6,12,2,32,5,24,22,3,29,0,1,0,0,23,9,1,2,16,126,44,1,0.0,0.14851341100597862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111084139205027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764418714575724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718071982014593,0.0,0.2355316381635455,0.0,0.10465789752465833,0.07640919107256326,0.0,0.0,0.1412209702472422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300883929045767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099633241686832,0.11101852735818253,0.0,0.0,0.16557847274637325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132369044926662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309752509728265,0.0,0.07123649168347747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084223116901784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360646322119612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418448955226572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867574819562567,0.13052760146383965,0.0688863722452309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817382614701467,0.0,0.061237269626838065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004923876538048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965605211002132,0.0868984889073884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752099824139604,0.13514318528674216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029926128779367,0.12887560783389534,0.0,0.13457369576496694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124089415775738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41132148574067817,0.0,0.11813624478549735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617943626996782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342280969245704,0.0739317696823355,0.19898616397542146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808308236503673,0.0,0.0,0.24215434584377865
suicidewatch,IAMINSANEWTF,2018/03/25,"I dont know whats wrong. I dont know what to do, Im... somewhat ok. I have a decent albeit demanding job, friends and family.


But I push everyone away unintentionally, I dont know how or why I do it, I feel I was blessed/cursed with a lot of logical mathematical intelligence but zero emotional intelligence, so whenever a situation arises that could cause any emotional turmoil I run away like a little bitch. So whenever a relationship (not only romantic ones) has whatever situation that could harm me or my stupid pride I act as if I dont care but I have a whirlwind of feelings inside.


For example, today is the birthday of the gf of a really close friend. Bleh, but Im not going to the celebration because theres gonna be this girl that rejected me. Cannot deal with that shit, so instead Im going to spend my saturday with prostitutes. Fucking hell.


I like depressing music, it seems like I like to be depressed, or at least Im accustomed to it. I like drugs to numb myself, but my depressing feelings were here before any drugs or alcohol touched my system. 


I dont want to die, but my election of lonliness really depresses me. I havent been able to start another romantic relationship since my last one ended about 3 years ago. That relationship lasted about 6 years and after it was over (because of me, my weakness and lazyness) I was obviously a fucking mess.


I havent been able to connect with anyone since, a few girls have taken a liking of me, but if I dont fall for them I dont seem to do anything about it. Which brings more loneliness and feelings of despair when those girls eventually get bored and go away. Even if I try though, Im terrible at it because Im a bit weird.


I visted a psychologist that told me that I had to follow my dream of studying physics. Fucking hell, I know there could be a way, and maybe Im just being a bitch about it but... I dont think to figure a way of working my living and also study another career. I would have to move to another city since there is no option to study physics where I live.


And if I move, more lonliness... Perhaps it would be the best for me, but the last year of my relationship I moved (with her) to another city so she could get her masters degree and I study physics. It didnt work out, I was too lazy to really try to get into physics and she got a new life without the drag of her bf... me. 


I came back and started working on me, but shits hards. I have to whitstand a daily boring routine. And I feel like Im not doing anything... Calculating taxes for pricks and assholes. Im making good money but I waste it away on prostitutes and drugs.


I have no purpose, I rarely feel enjoyment and Im alone... I dont think I dont want to keep living, but I know Im not killing myself. Im lost.",2.6679796163069547,4.4980603363309335,4.653758992805757,82.32863609112711,76.03237410071942,8.086570743405275,26.871103117506,8.841846274778883,2.1449347721822543,2161,85,437,48,48,741,243,556,0.212,0.664,0.125,-0.9959,1,2,4,0,0,2,77.0,0,0,1,8,23,45,12,1,23,1,46,13,3,3,1,83,85,44,2,12,26,0,8,7,4,3,7,0,0,3,22,24,1,1,17,1,3,13,21,30,0,3,14,8,68,15,59,59,8,46,2,7,0,3,19,14,10,13,23,287,90,6,0.0851274126537144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037730157511675286,0.045487657613742814,0.0,0.0440831632124293,0.0,0.03403818057174416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578895597478904,0.1785270291265238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02976153311920436,0.0,0.07005260728837392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599600128224625,0.03272886286455723,0.0,0.0778393209444395,0.0,0.03621857911905325,0.0,0.04466798381803767,0.0,0.04646854340563975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868154093717847,0.04339653532255434,0.043724651110197736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593462424675942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388131225691675,0.14664023156044906,0.0,0.044174407224690085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988434681713305,0.0,0.14808115877023564,0.0,0.0,0.09575688139893053,0.03769881022823533,0.0,0.0,0.028112926601014276,0.0,0.0,0.040671445422874514,0.0,0.0,0.040125274252105735,0.0,0.12912893289083113,0.030407520304537444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576922784858244,0.11804838191025956,0.06671333941076853,0.0,0.07256980555965051,0.03570041744559915,0.03404208421815857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812872050492358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517132816201893,0.0,0.042237910841777686,0.03783257786748343,0.04709043471292381,0.0,0.11695949930077745,0.1040853046757889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030064004537000262,0.14556133854815606,0.042660015626376654,0.11275359746959213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646331344248879,0.03618614102655182,0.0,0.0,0.02841160448577344,0.0,0.04276096395629803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571545141261673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110829280172065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576845379289126,0.03237161665563898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818022005369242,0.0,0.0,0.18278996629049932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749679931791854,0.0,0.0,0.08738206577524713,0.10562741314434336,0.09568677852154844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025362082468742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454620873423079,0.041818625358396366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040345416754311116,0.040671445422874514,0.0,0.05779592528174792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021035355837017,0.06757017780961437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840712459897468,0.0,0.0,0.041029894009688025,0.0,0.09296065541174328,0.0,0.0,0.060472071524410365,0.04653673110585905,0.0,0.08222889410570296
suicidewatch,mighty_confused,2018/03/25,"the voice won't stop i cried myself to sleep last night. there is a voice in my head, and it's opposing everything i say or think. i know there are people who care, things to live for, but this voice is telling me there's nobody left, that she doesn't care for you, that i'm faking everything for attention. when i am aware of it, it tells me i'm forcing these thoughts onto myself, that i'm not actually like this, all while telling me i'm worthless, that i don't belong. i like a girl and she likes me, but the voice doesn't believe that either. i'm too much of a fucking pussy to slit my wrists. i don't want to spread the pain and there are still things to live for. but the voice says otherwise. i've doubted so many things, regretted so many actions, and all those negative feelings and thoughts are going to break me. but they already have.",2.8807101568951268,4.440576612716762,3.3483608587943863,93.06591040462429,74.78034682080927,6.792568125516103,23.917836498761353,7.447530270364453,0.7878772914946333,666,20,148,8,14,207,94,173,0.168,0.759,0.073,-0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,9,11,1,1,7,0,12,5,3,0,2,25,27,14,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,0,1,16,5,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,8,20,5,14,24,4,12,0,2,0,1,11,3,1,2,9,95,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.14074099612737828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915383933449356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249010924654064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940902396743802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842236501923354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25923694667425257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729235612560998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333319840363604,0.0,0.0,0.08196534336029025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801456676537056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926127495179154,0.11756112160861285,0.0,0.0,0.15669888133235246,0.0,0.0,0.21138044755401536,0.0,0.2547033786415889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924392875768944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060206144238549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534366226126535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346360681248686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998617720300347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293840851977248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443273125581275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151767989373659,0.12057701656851742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37817218654842666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874463697143038,0.092412375093695,0.0,0.2289941524695211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506655429034891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sogesogeking,2018/03/25,"Family said im a waste of money My family says I'm a waste of money and that they really want to get rid of me, I'm the biggest disappointment they ever had, my gf doesn't give a fuck about me and my problems, I'm failing university hard, got social anxiety,I'm an ugly stupid person  i see no future in my life, tell me a reason to continue this shitty life, I don't see any point ",9.41093495934959,4.556679036585368,10.89926829268293,65.60386178861789,63.512195121951216,14.347967479674795,35.86991869918699,11.855464076750405,3.9418406504065047,299,7,63,7,3,110,56,82,0.324,0.627,0.049,-0.975,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,2,5,2,0,6,0,3,3,0,1,1,6,14,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,3,5,11,0,7,11,0,6,0,2,2,1,9,3,1,0,3,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579704015412345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939339993783424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042280678455265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820620220587773,0.11201337474606192,0.20566875500582216,0.0,0.0,0.17147254673553758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920572420550935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231585118929478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028693184583777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720284169060186,0.0,0.0,0.20267408635754114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051485915620144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734795206962708,0.22043541277763432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394026318118813,0.1704967817816011,0.0,0.0,0.3416926647824781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855033437149354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739207854587345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645666966173813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheKaleix,2018/03/25,Please help? Will I die or be put into a serious coma if I take the last 8 (10mg) of my cyclobenzaprine?,0.4978260869565218,1.8223990000000043,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,80.73913043478261,8.078260869565218,20.195652173913047,8.841846274778883,1.1569304347826093,79,2,19,2,2,30,22,23,0.226,0.57,0.204,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654574150437826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30061055314858104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36557575530112935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923026898367738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508520642397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372054789038155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daybrake,2018/03/25,"I don't think I want to live in this world anymore. Too much shit's gone wrong and this planet's a fucking hideous place to live. This could be just an intense depressive episode. I don't know, I'm not really an authority on such things. Too much shit's just gone wrong over the last 12 months to keep me wanting to stay alive.

So last year I had a major battle with cancer that culminated in surgery to remove a tumour from the back of my brain. I got into tabletop games during that time, partially to hang out with people and partially to get my mind off of it. Eventually some people in that community got really angry with how often I got picked for games and ended up attacking me directly. After two of them told me to off myself, I decided to call it quits altogether.

Still, there are bigger problems. This year's seen a lot of shit happen as well. First the university I go to massively stressed me the fuck out because it took forever to enrol me in the classes I picked. They only gave me my timetable...with clashes because they'd put me in different streams from the ones I'd asked for...one day before classes kicked off. Then there's the job thing, which I can't let go. I could've had a fucking 60k job in the field I want, but the fucking administrators vetoed it and plunged me back into a world full of financial hardship because some dickhead wanted to go on a power trip. Oh, and here's the big fun thing about this semester: Mumps and Measles outbreak, so that's my immunosuppressed ass soft-banned from campus because some worthless piece of shit couldn't be assed to vaccinate their spawn.

Not like being there was doing much for my sense of worth anyway. I wasn't making friends there because I got good grades and attracted the lazy pieces of shit who were my ""friends"" insofar as it came to asking me for my quiz and assignment answers. Even two girls started doing that this year, sitting next to me when I look like shit and blatantly looking down at my work. I didn't get my hopes up, and I don't proceed under the presumption that anyone sitting close to me = interest, but to have people flagrantly telegraph that the only value  they see in being near you is stealing your work just fucking burns.

It feels like I can't move forward in any fucking respect, and if I can't move forward, I'll stagnate. I rely on progress to function. From 2011 to 2015 I wasn't doing anything because I was in therapy for PTSD. I've done my time not being able to function like a god-damn adult and now I want to catch up. Everyone in my age range has pulled so far ahead of me. Years of my life I cannot get back have been spent wallowing in misery, trying to off myself, going to therapy and having it chip away at the bullshit that happened to me when I was growing up. To have some key worker tell me that I could have been raped by a grooming gang - with my fucking dad's complicit assistance, i might add, and still live a normal life. I'm trying to, I really am, but I hate not moving forward.

And i guess on top of that, I'm just really fucking angry and upset at the world, at the things I can't change. Things like the brain tumour can't be changed, but at least they can be fought (though good god, chemo was one of the worst fucking things I think I've experienced). I'm talking about the human element of all of this. I'm talking about the state of the west in general. I'm talking about the fact that the US government consists of treacherous pieces of shit that betray their own people because letting children die in their schools is acceptable compared to ignoring the healthcare lobby and implementing some fucking mental healthcare. I'm talking about the fact I have a friend who's USD$45,000 in debt because the filthy bastards on Capitol Hill don't give a shit about their own people and you will get fucked by hospital bills as a consequence. I haven't even been to the US before but I can't look at that country and see its politicians as anything other than scum.

Britain, my homeland, is in a similar  boat. We have these pieces of shit in Parliament who squash any push for free speech, fucking _allow_ the very fucking same grooming gangs that got me to continue to exist (though let me tell you, the findings from the recent investigations put my own experience in major perspective - they have it way worse than I did, bless them) and shout you down for being racist for wanting it all to fucking stop. These bastards who defund the NHS, who call you a racist for sharing your experience, who threaten you for saying naughty things online, people who pretend to be a moral authority while all the while sex scandals from the self-same parties break every so often and they sell weapons to Saudi Arabia, one of the single most evil countries on the planet.

I look at the world and I despair, because there's nothing I can do about the problems around me. I just scream impotently and watch as the powers-that-be continue their exercise in how much they can fuck people over.

I'm tired. Tired of being a small person in a world full of things I can't control or influence. I'm tired of working so damn hard and being rewarded only by having manipulative shitheads trying to fuck me over in one way or another. I'm tired of overcoming obstacles only to be slapped down by bigger ones. I'm tired of feeling angry and weak all the time.

I think I will kill myself today. I think I'm ready, and yet the only two things that keep me from doing it have always been what friends I have online and the fear of what happens afterwards. It's so fucked up. What's the point of escaping if all you do is condemn yourself to oblivion and non-existence? That's terrifying to me, the concept of nothing...so if I do choose to live a little longer, it's not for finding something happy to cling onto. It's just being more scared of the alternative. ",7.078072149501004,6.693194042944789,7.006889966356621,77.60480556105284,64.3111305872042,9.780221085069693,34.00357637612733,9.155717611787699,2.8706784258290696,4677,178,881,69,62,1491,452,1141,0.239,0.696,0.065,-0.9997,6,0,1,0,0,1,114.0,3,9,14,12,49,76,37,4,65,0,80,42,13,9,8,124,163,58,2,16,21,1,3,5,4,3,10,5,0,5,60,41,0,6,13,4,6,23,22,53,1,9,30,17,110,24,165,110,32,142,2,3,8,21,61,78,31,17,45,604,170,14,0.03540945435070834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029463502612035355,0.0,0.0,0.048159286400820414,0.03712990029391778,0.0,0.0,0.03511666391168509,0.02475911379283717,0.0,0.058277927699181414,0.031521921612404184,0.06620611978586903,0.04028336619873518,0.033268347970449925,0.0816830541015555,0.0,0.19426747242167008,0.0,0.060261675245814016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905732333008413,0.07231402381281615,0.040498982590937364,0.0,0.0,0.07491701515391187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039714713981336636,0.08481470401654972,0.0,0.0,0.022836168705136668,0.0,0.030498111146283362,0.0,0.03674942318416659,0.03699534327830796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03623616570073805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03136226647185592,0.0,0.0,0.0467752212882506,0.0,0.029833992487715157,0.0338352510709313,0.0,0.06927448179314184,0.0,0.03984548055884592,0.03580816810955553,0.02529652126328956,0.0,0.0,0.06472719956038794,0.03011926378178437,0.0,0.0,0.1094290263776318,0.5565029894370288,0.07399991370765087,0.033967975157640495,0.08049603567481313,0.05939954063838289,0.1416008767973824,0.0,0.03900750606448744,0.0,0.09393739062243768,0.0376940225924572,0.03171991597259236,0.034959505329347385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035169577831740545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027683934927896,0.0629470999861204,0.03917531489193053,0.0,0.019460110073916945,0.057726862665487114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862569841259197,0.050021489579758716,0.08649635397565161,0.035489575656844,0.1250687876918092,0.0,0.11894009422252895,0.0,0.0,0.030103851834901774,0.0,0.0,0.02363608573801703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03568440159296808,0.037563835356430535,0.03575345479345015,0.0,0.028263488636835477,0.11290393850049996,0.1041200928472266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765835641347951,0.0,0.03469374712467098,0.033976326447769566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119971813359607,0.13465242822418413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183920026480007,0.030918169732714426,0.03699534327830796,0.0,0.033473379708529635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776413132472334,0.0413917572499263,0.07119256355875778,0.0,0.03766231333786761,0.0,0.0,0.09073681267184837,0.0,0.03496256434292201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028159019331113918,0.0354510410343149,0.035836258223462036,0.056433501280010324,0.0,0.036939783402832604,0.0,0.32712566439123153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02725992790859429,0.0,0.0,0.025062994040892704,0.03774176696003866,0.05655607196946508,0.029603889367601187,0.04056141032267832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384311248323037,0.06189884767479292,0.0,0.0809875940291628,0.0,0.21172021261544485,0.09075579430733127,0.06957921823190283,0.0,0.061942612761560566,0.203489794174886,0.033564022405648604,0.0338352510709313,0.0393412066664291,0.07212208549950705,0.0,0.1037696751170698,0.0,0.08518642746556285,0.0,0.0,0.02921650821739004,0.12531248162025213,0.05621275337831818,0.0,0.0,0.031837351965798934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733551347564475,0.0,0.036085259097688574,0.0,0.0774293593264615,0.0,0.09121011062917024
suicidewatch,MarsTheBar,2018/03/25,"I wish I had a gun. It would be like pushing a button. Poof, you’re gone. All the worries, all of the depressing thoughts, gone. That weight on your chest, lifted. 
 
Finally be free :)",-0.4937142857142866,1.297156771428572,0.8571428571428577,97.82285714285715,109.85714285714286,4.285714285714287,19.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.2101428571428574,137,5,29,2,7,43,29,35,0.18,0.5539999999999999,0.266,0.5719,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,3,2,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220621661733973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096179739785663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268149784019735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968557067636693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553414856204414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299967803637489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379740298917414,0.0,0.26562650837216906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImTheGhosty,2018/03/25,23M. I crave it. The only reason I havent put this round in my head is my mom and siblings. Idk why im even posting this. The entirety of my life was either abusive hell or lockup. Im finally an adult but i still dont feel free. I crave it. I want it so bad. I have 0 motivation for anything. No real friends anymore. If it werent for my moms ida blown my head all over the wall at age 6. I dont know what to do anymore. EDIT: Ive put myself into psyche wards dozens of times to no avail. Idk just. I guess im hoping someone can give me a few words to motivate me to continue..,-1.4010753676470564,0.5734958593750008,1.7277205882352966,96.08639705882356,94.3125,4.574264705882354,17.685661764705888,6.2272716619740125,-0.25092610294117623,442,13,106,5,17,156,87,128,0.166,0.715,0.119,-0.6539,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,5,0,9,3,2,3,1,18,15,5,0,3,5,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,5,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,1,2,17,4,12,14,3,13,1,0,1,0,5,5,1,4,5,63,24,4,0.0,0.16829347460771207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28172985554206553,0.0,0.0,0.116886332036498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859697451062899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33293826175454444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381569081866868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181939359403539,0.0,0.0,0.15559723102126854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973929596149858,0.0,0.0,0.1362571450164743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647242397857022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915468264321386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107718356917578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460280811240454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806114518374015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032663601492524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327096810189356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802737198326136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603449163350154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855776775595724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616719451697744,0.0,0.1460401702959607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034953131066853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343285644996992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282432232695519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837785242387064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816847487096894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaywtdn,2018/03/25,"no drive, no will to keep going, what to do? I sleep all day, don´t have energy for nothing, had to get a time out from college because i can´t study whatsoever, even playing video games is a chore i just play 10 minutes or so and i am done, can´t do anything really, always on low energy.

i am freaking out, and all of my exits are being shut, feeling suicidal because it´s going to be my last resort sooner or later.

what can be done? I feel suicidal but not feeling like doing something incredibly stupid.",3.7753061224489777,5.60330423469388,5.322193877551023,78.72369897959184,72.9795918367347,7.757142857142857,27.556122448979593,8.472884824447931,2.1714653061224496,397,15,71,7,8,134,72,98,0.193,0.72,0.087,-0.9208,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,16,1,1,0,2,15,23,6,2,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,3,4,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,3,8,3,10,16,2,13,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,5,51,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732900290704096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753757342849496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982621909041603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744173868332604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361818903541626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407606465025897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232724990511507,0.1522496137578537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134394886594833,0.0,0.24223667382902056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942667176082634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371741459620307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411737129536884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448987925033715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652711907620596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326921051916176,0.0,0.0,0.16406657073331954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662270989937148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426924595604155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deargodits4am,2018/03/25,"I have it all. I'm the worst. Great job, good pay, college education, and most of all the most amazing boyfriend in the whole world who would do anything for me, is always patient to me, one of those rare rays of sunshine 100% beautiful... and yet I never quite fell in love with him, and in trying to fight against not being in love when I'm with such a beautiful person I lost parts of myself over the past 2 years. I dropped out of grad school.

I have no passion anymore. Friends yesterday that I haven't seen in a year said they don't recognize me, I'm not as happy and spontaneous as I was last time they saw me. I feel like the kid inside me has been killed. Everything about me feels fake. 

People on this thread have it 100x worse than me. Abuse, neglect, and here I am with everything and I hate myself because I cant find joy in any of it. I deserve to die. ",2.352033898305088,4.015301491525428,3.2786666666666697,92.57325423728815,76.45762711864407,6.527909604519775,24.22937853107345,7.3011,0.8319148022598872,672,22,149,8,15,214,115,177,0.208,0.623,0.16899999999999998,-0.7543,1,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,0,2,2,5,18,3,0,7,0,14,3,0,0,3,22,26,9,2,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,7,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,7,7,0,1,6,6,24,11,27,18,7,21,0,2,3,3,11,10,0,2,10,101,31,5,0.0,0.1970793590695835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384037522305718,0.0,0.0,0.11311326474635736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495927572480065,0.0,0.0,0.13687924297388016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139605778093602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262910414867547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989817132609038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682075920206835,0.11882950602721495,0.0,0.0,0.1520268551994106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850973671589044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395136113546516,0.0,0.1833845370353438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706632616479773,0.0,0.16422102889185655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650614726450099,0.0,0.1840246438874712,0.0,0.0,0.13558493880728725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126270730353555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157391755271526,0.0,0.3002470285753968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282875350249214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271266250668215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012421498617825,0.1587852430221966,0.11531550169091455,0.1452369991258742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691737307278346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822234084635572,0.0,0.0,0.16833954432847387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699107108946052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293030774678292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570669474681584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950921705053398,0.11815936182431508,0.0,0.0,0.21422812010283693
suicidewatch,CallingAllShawns,2018/03/25,ready to die. i’ve spent my whole life being worthless. i’m 25 and have nothing to show for it. i’m not worth it to women. i’m not worth it to my friends. i’m tired of caring more than everyone else. i just want it to end. i can’t take this anymore.,-2.084868421052633,-0.250746087719298,0.6448903508771942,103.12944078947369,97.59649122807018,3.5517543859649123,15.896929824561406,5.148860815047168,-1.0749280701754391,191,5,50,1,8,65,38,57,0.206,0.634,0.16,-0.4464,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,11,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,8,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911671640974796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075121556905747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130242331801473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25195699355384177,0.0,0.2671375102663881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882018982409293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330236375265513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303651950894964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894035500718736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267736704722653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34665706975789223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789777393468087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367375159954321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fuckeveryoneuptheass,2018/03/25,"If you think your crazy or a psycho hmu Anyone here who thinks they're crazy, psychotic, or is suicidal hmu so we can chat. Fuck everyone who doesn't understand you or me. Fuck them in the ass if they don't understand😂.",4.282,4.962134533333334,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,70.33333333333334,10.444444444444443,26.11111111111111,10.504223727775694,2.462777777777777,174,5,38,5,3,57,34,45,0.368,0.632,0.0,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,3,2,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,9,6,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,3,5,0,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018950824689031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759053034966857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.533874553339981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31583682458689266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37002836065785105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011810983531036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ikm81,2018/03/25,"Help. I've contemplated posting here for awhile now, I'm so lonely. I've got no social life, I'm hideous and ugly, I'm addicted to self harm as It numbs me from being depressed. My only chances of a decent future were destroyed. Having family problems and whatnot. I could really use a friend or somebody to chat with. I think I'm gonna do it very soon.",1.3212499999999991,3.6961430694444464,3.4894444444444446,86.07500000000003,83.58333333333334,5.822222222222222,22.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,1.0536888888888885,279,10,54,4,8,95,57,72,0.285,0.616,0.098,-0.9344,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,8,13,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,4,1,7,8,0,4,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092374539169336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264839576002753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443208282750893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674147506647477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191593950989465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687335184580024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013512102459834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036145364972446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157405265866364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716733020544501,0.0,0.0,0.2714297389301754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817234936345329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959251618565337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891614305020703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176150917655254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449960638680554,0.0,0.2340538878863841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmolTortl,2018/03/25,"Realizing I don't mean shit to people makes me feel better. I recently realized that I don't mean anything to people I was friends with for 2+ years. It hurts a lot. I even tried to confront one of my closest friends via text saying if I'm just a burden tell me, because I can't take this torture. I've been excluded every big outing they've gone to. They don't talk to me at all unless I try to talk to then first, and even then its iffy. I've recently reached my breaking point when I realized how grossly I've sobbed at recent events that prove how useless and meaningless I am to these people. The friend I texted ignored me. Not like, Oh maybe they dont have their phone. No. They've been posting on social media and hanging out with people. I'm just a burden to them, but at least answer me and tell me I'm a burden. I told them it was okay to tell me that. I'm not mad, as long as it makes them happy to kick me aside thats fine. I mean, I feel terrible. The worst. But, in a way, It makes me feel better realizing I dont mean shit to people, because it means that's one less person who would care if I killed myself. 

I dont know. I've been so scared to post on any sites about my thoughts, because I always thought my friends might see it. But now I know even if they did, they wouldn't care. 
I'm just a waste of their time. ",1.9199679633867248,3.2264868701754423,3.3198016781083166,93.33151029748285,76.78947368421052,6.219679633867277,22.215865751334853,6.7026698264267655,0.3169664378337149,1038,28,241,9,23,340,141,285,0.174,0.6779999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,9,3,12,28,6,1,8,1,18,2,2,5,2,48,44,19,1,5,12,0,3,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,15,7,0,1,18,0,0,2,11,16,0,3,10,5,41,12,29,31,5,29,0,3,1,0,24,11,3,5,13,145,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109750805472767,0.0,0.0,0.05810587590142144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031437315115531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626036690366574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511392174076059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423478133090387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004244991535383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930785772961424,0.0,0.07199152623264721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296114494999427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267990596790598,0.0,0.0,0.2640599519599081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095833276073552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147118418562064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453279546396456,0.0,0.09391723387028897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174435948410578,0.0,0.0,0.07561658630036032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726427158540199,0.0,0.0,0.17110662146337513,0.0,0.08584149804871696,0.4653760403896261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064418178609046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580017595315638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29618578536246404,0.07460772232528698,0.0,0.0,0.080773624059008,0.0,0.16366635584319636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25310139456767544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794969797274901,0.08554586020115985,0.0,0.06808900768934831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541717339218094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710093561419265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642443886447521,0.13735572639360075,0.2240494220469535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356683789498046,0.0498239632010235,0.0,0.0,0.08164684515705277,0.0,0.11602378310197645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782266756805852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069803776020801,0.0,0.0,0.05502410609932959
suicidewatch,Adams2233445432,2018/03/25,Tomorrow is my last day on earth. I have made my plans and written notes to the few that cared. Thank you Reddit for providing this forum. It has helped me immensely in the past year.,1.91,4.431124444444446,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,82.33333333333334,6.933333333333335,20.11111111111111,8.07648339933343,0.9584111111111112,144,4,30,3,4,45,34,36,0.0,0.862,0.138,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,4,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293874775485425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716050016229761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822859850186664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432910491772247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984995142823874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020325056046768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877356136102769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712048873580888
suicidewatch,nightrans,2018/03/25,"I don’t want to live anymore I feel like a child, my parents treat me like I’m 10. I’m 17 years old and they never let me go out with friends. I’m tired of this and then they wonder why I’m so depressed. I just want to have a life and have fun and not stay locked in my room all weekend because of them. 

I cut myself again today after being clean for three months. I feel like a failure. I don’t want to live anymore. I hope I go to sleep and don’t wake up. It feels like no matter how hard I work I will never be good enough. I don’t think anyone can love me. I’m a mess. I don’t even deserve a life. They’re so many better people out there who die so early and have such great talents and potential but are taken too soon and then I’m here all pathetic. I just don’t get it. My life seems pointless, I have nothing to offer anyone. 

I’m sorry for writing a lot but this is the only place I can write how I feel. I don’t even know the point of all this anymore. ",-0.8531162790697664,1.0784857348837242,1.4300465116279069,100.1273953488372,89.32558139534883,3.8120930232558137,16.04186046511628,4.744908652037736,-1.0751730232558143,743,16,183,2,25,249,116,215,0.116,0.7340000000000001,0.151,0.2768,1,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,3,2,15,16,1,0,8,0,19,7,2,2,5,39,43,17,1,4,5,1,5,4,1,1,4,0,2,1,6,11,0,0,8,1,0,2,11,3,0,1,1,5,27,13,16,38,5,23,0,1,0,1,11,7,0,4,17,113,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589046863254557,0.16869791488664382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353637264431276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668952754322614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039004828970808,0.0,0.12519735391840486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464548453185074,0.0,0.1593530843977959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439814020217488,0.2585393661527485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320026926469924,0.0,0.06302543403170892,0.0,0.13711631087246778,0.10118070798861364,0.0,0.13299761300159027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080629082633796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981516174812752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629639534764163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335477068253745,0.2556186298377493,0.23573952901675985,0.0,0.2130411843245422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255732650805938,0.10887542307793348,0.0,0.0,0.1223022884515324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962876062598791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607823987781588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575001179777385,0.0,0.12658337901133165,0.0,0.0,0.09174635274068237,0.0,0.0,0.13394797020774554,0.0,0.0,0.08363129582739375,0.0,0.12603515060728268,0.0,0.1140365807978049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981917835816657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071948853505028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350380610921488,0.0,0.12857805500571093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729635131345658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864916274970548,0.1143453809053454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345629063592755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885195011102586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308206586525105,0.08782180156089654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768329072915252
suicidewatch,Crisis255,2018/03/25,"Please, please help me. I'm DESPERATE to kill myself but I'm just too cowardly to do it. It's the middle of the night and I'm all on my own, I can barely breathe. I just need someone to talk to, I've got nobody on this planet who gives that much of a shit about me. I've been though hell after hell in my life and can never catch a break. Just somebody talk to me *please*.",-0.8449999999999989,1.17046962195122,1.2787317073170712,100.4998048780488,90.58536585365854,4.255609756097561,14.297560975609755,5.6839178017228535,-1.0724965853658537,287,5,71,2,10,95,53,82,0.276,0.669,0.055,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,0,4,0,4,3,2,0,2,9,10,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,12,8,3,9,2,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,3,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240142015246432,0.0,0.0,0.16874846631638402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142255934750925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334298506828484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490289085837304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510237628886805,0.1564468649199067,0.16272896669018844,0.0,0.0,0.19800039592712415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6948129961621897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165788306120343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787716603706737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391725225635017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729720446801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elizabethsghost,2018/03/25,"(20f) long time coming So after wanting to kill myself constantly for about 10 years I've set the date. I broke up with my fiance due to peer pressure and I miss him. Life isn't worth living he's the only thing that made me want to live, the idea of him being happy with someone else kills me. I have no friends I've never been able to make friends. The ""friends"" I have ignore me which is one reason they told me to dump my ex. I haven't heard from any if them since Tuesday, it's Saturday I've sent about 20 texts. I hate what I'm going to college for, I have no ambitions. In 129 days I will be dead, I'll have finished my degree and that night I'll hang myself. This thought is the only thing that makes me happy. I can't wait. The only thing that's stopping me from doing it now is my mother, hopefully these days will help me gain the strenght to go ahead and do what I was destined to do.",1.8105526315789469,3.30835135789474,3.0149342105263166,94.59766447368422,77.52631578947368,5.592105263157895,20.82236842105263,5.985473137389443,-0.05813157894736865,698,17,159,4,16,225,115,190,0.172,0.713,0.115,-0.871,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,2,2,4,14,4,1,7,0,19,1,0,4,1,20,36,5,3,4,1,2,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,14,6,0,3,3,0,1,5,6,8,0,1,7,1,27,6,21,25,0,25,0,2,0,0,14,2,0,2,17,98,41,1,0.14064855663066148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956458415533666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115627766300405,0.0,0.15199112340259988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814133669239952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749382143632098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259941778770578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986763196092882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994460077652452,0.0,0.1388613311121601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427376276520058,0.0,0.0,0.13969575216696514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877510063486408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112135781889825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934423502021572,0.0,0.0,0.2483905046117679,0.12446954666617133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308506502376033,0.18776800740981525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847683758204624,0.0,0.0,0.1319891426033526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530710198619192,0.3209086955529388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461014120034787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634593946696377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191710656113418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758849116870397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28032195412149297,0.0,0.0,0.11165924336851513,0.08201330443706961,0.0,0.0,0.13439572322207596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591632555842334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057305912607999
suicidewatch,chansondeschats,2018/03/25,"Suicidality came back after years of peace Hello...I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 12 years old (I'm 26 now) and self harm since I was as young as 5 or so. It comes back in different forms - sometimes spontaneous attempts, sometimes planned, sometimes just an unbearable need to die. 
But I wanted to ask a particular question: if we're supposed to have a survival instinct as humans, why on earth do I want to die all the time? My therapist tells me to say I want to disappear instead of die, or I want something to cease, or I need a break, etc. But it's always quite precisely wanting to die. I had a good 3 years of barely any self harm or suicidal urges after being in CBT, and I just moved countries and was recently diagnosed with PTSD after a huge breakdown and resurfacing suicidality...
I was just crossing the street and every bridge and rooftop was calling to me. Then there was a bus coming my way. I was on the sidewalk and I lost touch with reality. I had no control over my body and I genuinely had no idea if I moved my body in front of the bus so it runs me over or if I was still standing on the sidewalk. I opened my eyes and realized I was alive. ",4.610391630901288,5.58591380257511,5.4850831545064365,81.67466335836912,69.7725321888412,8.743454935622317,31.72988197424893,9.017664075816787,2.6019100858369097,928,40,185,17,16,304,127,233,0.177,0.76,0.063,-0.984,1,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,6,11,5,0,1,12,0,15,4,3,1,2,43,29,25,8,10,13,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,16,0,1,4,0,0,9,2,4,0,0,15,3,26,1,30,13,3,38,0,1,1,0,8,11,0,9,15,122,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011119995593177,0.0,0.0,0.06547249784577787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000714834063192,0.0,0.0,0.1480640317685312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388681806707935,0.0,0.0,0.09831083726820916,0.1101166461800468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587033998477654,0.0,0.0,0.10798422152469646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772037669663226,0.3996864090109005,0.10059025845746616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737567632706174,0.0,0.0,0.0811185611275838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075361134131062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086864025183894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509906112671402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046570432607266,0.0,0.1427781750515127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102780652712204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125440985492922,0.0,0.10785365178382912,0.10240374860863972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506313692330108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656431273301283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087838255213492,0.0,0.0,0.1592846933521003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411968509737282,0.2856648935648907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688791875710557,0.0,0.0,0.10065091012496312,0.0,0.4212510276385982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415141655784526,0.0,0.0,0.11178644554518108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643416014931771,0.056140610097357234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839369723576049,0.07642117750325474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687612735422566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600007032848528
suicidewatch,growingpockets,2018/03/25,i just know im going to do it so i dont know why i keep putting it off,-3.9484999999999992,-3.177926849999998,0.6999999999999993,107.855,92.5,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.661,53,1,19,0,2,21,14,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453243620486188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197870575206691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417733786893991,0.0,0.0,0.3437425897916028,0.0,0.0,0.4250723948148733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887695569293366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34896285741732136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfiniteObscurity,2018/03/25,"I am an idiot and I don't enjoy living I'm (20M) a Computer Science major and I need to take lots of Maths courses and my Maths skills are shit. The Maths courses and the only thing that I fear about my major, the programming is easy. I've always been dumber than my peers and it is exacerbated by my struggle to study as I'm feeling dejected all day long and can't get into the frame of mind to study or do anything worthwhile. I try to cope with video games and escapism but it's not a very productive way to spend my time.


I'm one of the most boring persons that you could ever meet; I don't have any interesting hobbies but I'm also not very funny nor am a good conversationalist. I enjoy, video games, anime, manga, philosophy and programming but they don't make conversation topics that people genuinely enjoy talking about. Most people who approach me to engage in conversation regret it sooner or later when they realize that I have nothing meaningful to offer. I don't have any close friends or anyone who really wants to talk to me and listen to my rambling; I spend most of my time alone. I have no idea what it's like to be loved and cared for by someone other than my family. I'm not really interested in internet friends as it's not quite the same as having irl friends.


I genuinely don't enjoy life, spend every day feeling dejected and the only reason why I'm here is that I don't want to feel like a jerk for making my family sad if I were to go; I feel trapped beyond my will.",4.663675496688743,5.389253082781458,6.201649006622517,77.4945927152318,69.49668874172185,8.953907284768214,27.68278145695364,9.120678840339163,2.2117398675496687,1189,38,229,22,20,407,157,302,0.206,0.682,0.112,-0.9806,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,2,2,7,23,3,2,12,0,24,3,1,3,2,48,45,24,0,6,11,0,4,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,15,14,0,0,8,4,3,2,13,8,0,1,2,5,30,15,33,40,8,16,0,2,0,1,19,5,1,8,10,149,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341486373266311,0.0,0.10358094129438174,0.10777501536972496,0.0,0.0,0.17616262059498744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056675659715327,0.0,0.10658787986275177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205917302631934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341501879264473,0.0,0.0,0.1670655702812733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171626032903016,0.10913023618550832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24420892109483056,0.14575141781987336,0.2619665366460953,0.092532547940785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002116335684517,0.0,0.06767136567414253,0.0,0.07361193267048237,0.10863926277796472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462177411940289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148720162810636,0.12655855621650472,0.0,0.11437277751094277,0.11462537821233182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011735898871576,0.116901195227422,0.0,0.1729176287855443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307831316128326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604100312504853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428254553887877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776936129436111,0.1970189045412985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959238484230386,0.11309606539400074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377655756783656,0.0,0.0,0.16595381596473333,0.13317307383536614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295535297737396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974594857570268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540745103882942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973865352394208,0.2082142669725496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605052634166133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105391304678373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793884166406908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374306128102166,0.15279417398170275,0.10281076284609952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687599194637414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nailed_cathedral,2018/03/25,Nothing feels real anymore. I've spent the last week stuck in my own head and I feel like I'm not even in control of my own mind anymore. I just feel overwhelmed and like I'm not even here. It's like this is all a dream. I wish it was.,-0.8393710691823877,1.040879056603778,0.9908490566037748,103.69180817610064,88.62264150943396,3.5333333333333337,18.26729559748428,3.1291,-1.0742930817610064,182,5,47,0,6,59,36,53,0.037000000000000005,0.7120000000000001,0.251,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,1,13,10,2,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,5,3,3,7,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572594210848444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585656651401536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304533634817514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496977018032417,0.16469492514155493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23659638914906936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791756436380636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378846536589332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327755859974524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212054567764222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240037610409994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492202933180912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26510495940637085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gay_goddess,2018/03/26,"I had the most promising future and it was stolen from me. My life is over and it’s completely out of my control. Hello. I am an 18 year old woman living in the states. At a young age, I was adopted from Eastern Europe and have no records of my “real” parents. As far as we know I didn’t suffer any abuse back there. I was adopted by my parents and grew up in a very loving, supportive, and wealthy family. 

Recently, I was accepted into an Ivy League school for engineering. I also got a scholarship for track and field to go there. That doesn’t matter anymore though. My life is over anyways.

Approximately six months ago, I started experiencing mild psychosis. Pretty much, I began to “hear” my mind. Beforehand (hard to imagine at this point) I had thoughts but no actual narration. Then my mind began narrating every thought I had into words. Stuff like “I should get pizza,” for example, but pretty loudly and in my own voice. My mind sees it as someone else’s voice though, if that makes sense. That was the beginning.

Pretty quickly, I’ve developed full blown schizophrenia. I hear other people, all. The. Time. Not just their voices, but my brain interprets them as actual people—with personalities, intentions, traits, etc. I am constantly listening to other people talking to me about their interpretations of what I’m seeing. I have to listen to their perspectives about everything, and sometimes they will give suggestions on what I should do.
I could deal with this, even though it’s annoying. My grades dropped a little, but it was easy to tell myself that it was just senioritis. 

Recently, the voices have evolved into full on hallucinations. I see people that aren’t there. I lay in my bed and a man will be sitting there talking to me and after a while I’ll register that he’s not real. I get “calls” on my phone, where my phone rings and no one is there. Afterwards I’ll check and the phone never called. Im unable to focus on schoolwork, especially math, because the numbers lift themselves off the page or one of the voices will interrupt me when I’m trying to think. My schoolwork has suffered the most. I went from a 4.4 GPA last semester to a 3.2 GPA and it’s still worsening by the week. I’ll be listening to the teacher and I’ll look up and 6-7 different people are near the front board and I can’t tell if they’re real or not. 

Last night, I broke. I was laying in bed, and I started hallucinating rats. Rats clawing at me, biting me, etc. I hid myself under the covers but they would crawl under and into my ears, mouth etc. They then went underneath my skin and started crawling in my veins. Logically, I know that’s impossible—but it felt no different than reality. I woke up today with dozens of cuts and bruises from me trying to claw the rats out from under my skin. I’ve had hallucinations like this but with bugs, but never that bad. The rats attacked me for hours. 

I want to give up on life. I can’t go to track anymore because the voices become very intense while running. My engineering career is over before it even started, and I’m not even sure I can attend Stanford anymore. I have to second guess every thought and action. I don’t trust my own mind anymore—which is absolutely the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced. 

I don’t want to go to a doctor. I want to be an engineer for the military, and if I go then I won’t be able to do that. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl. I know it’s stupid, but I honestly would rather die than for anyone to find out about this. Especially my parents. I don’t want to be the crazy girl. A year ago I was perfectly normal. President of ASB. Modeled part time. Happy. Now look at me. This wasn’t supposed to be my life. ",3.1717294356129315,5.3203501844660215,4.512976421636616,82.463408940574,75.58807212205271,7.488240691347487,25.239325722820872,8.384062270229773,1.7689126256268,2917,102,556,55,65,964,316,721,0.085,0.82,0.094,0.3852,6,0,0,0,1,0,99.0,1,0,7,2,26,19,4,0,34,0,55,13,6,3,6,100,103,50,1,14,20,3,4,2,0,8,5,14,2,5,31,34,1,1,14,1,2,11,20,8,0,5,27,25,85,11,91,61,14,99,0,3,5,1,37,42,0,9,45,388,116,9,0.06409553564519688,0.07594272876000749,0.1250959937950791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363365009228694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125717669838474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358716216830494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906966451274998,0.04481708881855546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291792492837157,0.0,0.04928551052985528,0.05351709499142692,0.0781440872321175,0.07078848338963492,0.05454057997479541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155181544637239,0.13089741640848682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720294965539188,0.06926450367625818,0.07188859338010782,0.05117506971148643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607968282467233,0.0,0.0,0.06652104661968775,0.1339323854197515,0.0,0.06560449669325348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053543595472066025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144503954022067,0.12700349038277672,0.057978081529748336,0.10800650639772597,0.0,0.057604934533906325,0.0,0.06042356664970072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154176574162276,0.0,0.05858215839117591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697454385787997,0.12297255647872785,0.14570787995745588,0.0,0.051263055094076575,0.0,0.07060845870776808,0.0,0.0,0.06823088954595448,0.057417010291864974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448065398755278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312119154806782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923417734595116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567569044259337,0.10449283253603983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109028942554906,0.06262768225136507,0.12848113043575618,0.05659753225935801,0.0,0.1076482141376273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784872337657883,0.0,0.042784267753159966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25887287767332423,0.0,0.05116044504491683,0.0,0.04711759362607293,0.0,0.09886885690802097,0.0,0.0,0.0601493182523559,0.06280001616151175,0.0,0.0,0.06725748263001052,0.0,0.08686558751737186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351152141623905,0.06940921903939658,0.0,0.1777430961432204,0.05596574944532582,0.0,0.0,0.060590998692707974,0.0,0.0,0.1956246075365249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886425558834502,0.0,0.0,0.12657321781319228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648681039702732,0.15322753029674158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053020489430696434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054307939354300436,0.0,0.06339212367170242,0.0,0.18146860011032734,0.0,0.05118677756183291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337405359120089,0.0,0.07273485428370771,0.06040928380609147,0.0,0.0,0.10303512731174133,0.11204464655798732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258222582809047,0.04106983117714537,0.18892061502178928,0.1526540872844373,0.07474924455471614,0.0,0.060755073297377775,0.0,0.0,0.08703332272325959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577105906962107,0.1512208303264121,0.0,0.05141357251146629,0.0,0.0,0.11883440737758127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106325906318066,0.0,0.0,0.08255084700164808
suicidewatch,GejGasilec,2018/03/26,"Dead soon As the title says,i will be dead soon.Im planning on killing myself in the summer (summer is my favorite time of the year and i want to experience it one last time).There is nothing stoping me besides getting a gun to blow my brains out.Just wanted to share this here because i have noone so maybe you will understand.Peace",2.0521923076923088,4.8007625846153825,2.4649038461538453,91.86197115384616,84.69230769230771,4.480769230769232,25.04807692307693,5.985473137389443,0.7081153846153838,268,11,51,2,8,82,53,65,0.211,0.7,0.08900000000000001,-0.8979,0,0,1,1,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,0,6,1,1,0,0,3,9,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,1,7,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212873332934792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152157455909826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27620979953598584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752547259685167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050055780742423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31239803151094786,0.0,0.0,0.2301673683000268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28367631445525643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27093943034119444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133966597960952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293017613555481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939547411924799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330955789371529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183554550264647
suicidewatch,MissRobinson18,2018/03/26,Ive made my decision and it feels good I am working on my note. Im trying to include everything I possibly can about my life and whats happened to me so maybe someone will understand why I did it. Just knowing that someone will read it and maybe finally take this seriously feels good. I get why people seem so happy before they do it - you know it will all be over soon.,4.328289473684208,4.921037355263159,5.70905263157895,81.20436842105265,70.18421052631578,9.237894736842106,30.989473684210523,9.3871,2.6603873684210533,293,12,60,6,5,99,54,76,0.024,0.84,0.136,0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,1,13,19,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,11,3,5,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,40,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825239221918708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714377987606893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807071795494432,0.0,0.0,0.2037282792680223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716509971287783,0.0,0.0,0.3119767037474743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164458496760887,0.1979755532280792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008866461153784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441575575083126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313607754194293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597555947467766,0.0,0.0,0.3736769914379506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289327606073697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966067756385276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602693195647946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930611553089908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151547461829064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983126116879446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626590632246049,0.0,0.0,0.1936082036293036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356299166827728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539318271629688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blumpkins_ahoy,2018/03/26,"What to do when you reach your wit’s end? I’ll preface this post by saying that I’m not currently suicidal. I have no intentions or plans. I’m only experiencing ideations.

I am a burnt-out, out of work, deeply indebted transgender woman. I’ve been through enough shit in just the past few years that would be enough to crush a normal person, but everyone has a breaking point. 

I used to rely on my girlfriend for support just to keep me going, but as of last night, I don’t know what the status of our relationship is. She wronged me in such a way that I feel betrayed and all alone. She’s apologized profusely, but I feel violated to the point where I don’t know if I can trust her again. 

Now that I no longer feel tethered to anyone, I just want to shut out the world and kiss it goodbye. I wish I could just close my eyes and go to sleep for eternity. 

What does one do when they have no crutch or will to life left? I have zero mental energy to keep on fighting and just want to not exist.",4.4288253126184145,4.839045448275865,5.206403940886698,85.54794619173929,69.88669950738917,8.807730200833651,26.945433876468357,8.841846274778883,1.7061386131110263,778,23,170,13,13,253,127,203,0.14400000000000002,0.73,0.126,-0.6970000000000001,2,1,0,0,2,0,21.0,1,2,1,2,11,7,3,0,8,0,16,5,3,2,1,36,32,13,1,7,13,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,9,7,0,2,5,0,0,2,7,4,0,2,1,6,24,3,25,27,4,29,0,0,1,1,14,13,1,3,11,114,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591378920701673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743756346484863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267920440360028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446254202978755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360907148238201,0.3175286941512225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682177095263918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330743155441606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464877809930762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731472178799666,0.0,0.0,0.1688870472984575,0.12524748509060374,0.0,0.0,0.1669441439043759,0.0,0.1085294693157868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484581527949465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441926811281259,0.1505470547018767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411906839367313,0.11685982724645815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667891974563166,0.0,0.13416363972754386,0.0,0.0,0.2905029951321231,0.0,0.14715684460336542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164965532230939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221908203907396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772232229796956,0.0,0.0,0.1537636990906919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680711509717778,0.174363300455539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327066275060099,0.0,0.0,0.18125672576789947,0.12196238744950827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669305986965905,0.0,0.0,0.111861019564305,0.0,0.0,0.1091504929573398,0.1679951426429066,0.0,0.09894732230069064
suicidewatch,thekaden,2018/03/26,Talk me down Every day I get closer to the edge. today feels like the farthest out I've ever been. I've got a bunch of trauma and its impacting my marriage. I don't like to be touched and I'm asexual. but I don't mind doing things to my wife. but apparently that's not good enough for her and we keep having these talks where it seems like nothing gets accomplished or solved. for some reason she desperately needs to touch me and isn't ok with just her being touched and I'm tired of having this argument. there's a whole slew of other things fucking with me but I thought this was the one thing I could depend on. but it seems like I can't even have my marriage anymore and life isn't worth living. I've been ignoring her messages and I have a knife and I don't know how much longer I can hold out,1.650714285714287,3.6407957380952425,2.8335714285714317,93.44892857142858,79.71428571428572,5.866666666666667,20.61904761904762,6.9077264865688965,0.25482619047618993,636,17,141,7,16,204,103,168,0.16,0.765,0.075,-0.9373,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,6,9,1,0,6,1,18,3,0,3,1,36,31,14,0,2,7,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,13,0,3,6,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,5,4,20,6,15,23,5,10,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,5,7,96,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051064335160926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727395236924386,0.0,0.0,0.11088211076630976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765202769567326,0.0,0.1135596635094883,0.1555226098810455,0.14486037926668432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693413755016782,0.12282847043810173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894864211783374,0.1796550624226088,0.0,0.0,0.14420865709955072,0.13750996770419044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152821329251894,0.0,0.0,0.09448949640380254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214408690856933,0.33598975121436403,0.0,0.15181937203778725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736026119737787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263900242763549,0.12748562290470716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164973680185086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650577703765805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767750410721008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130414196467067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763853422905309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34267254386111656,0.0,0.0,0.13649504224743456,0.0,0.1976108881384992,0.16297171816342818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195627440076013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,endofline786,2018/03/26,"Does anyone else live in a society where mental illness is considered taboo? For the past 30 of my 31 years on earth, I lived in a part of the world where mental illness is taboo and a weakness, specially in men. All my life, I've been called stupid, simple, weak and many other names. Do you want to know why? Because I have Asperger's (or high functioning autism). I have extreme anxiety, can't maintain eye contact, have a hard time reading between the lines, can't understand gestures etc. I am can follow direct instructions, that's why I have always been good at science and math.

It was only two years ago when I came across the word ""autism"" and I started doing some research. After taking dozens of online tests, they all confirmed that I have Asperger's. If only someone had told me this when I was in my teens. Even if no cure had been provided, just an explanation would have been wonderful.

Anyway, at least I got an explanation, even if it's far too late for me. So the point of this post is to tell the people that mental illness is not a developed nations' problem, third world countries are affected just as much, maybe even more so. Please spread awareness to third world countries as well.",5.877631578947367,6.8551988684210565,5.760807017543862,80.8333157894737,66.89473684210526,8.71157894736842,30.989473684210523,8.841846274778883,2.477492631578948,954,36,175,15,15,298,145,228,0.106,0.826,0.068,-0.7822,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,0,14,7,1,0,13,0,26,7,1,1,2,26,36,14,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,3,1,0,2,4,4,1,4,11,2,17,3,21,24,8,30,0,0,1,0,8,17,0,6,10,121,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789628605385395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106664768240167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174447269607524,0.0,0.0,0.09299654317470596,0.13627399853722547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107543543882326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580765236417314,0.15211632429830155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638900950453038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110425552641844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148329918940779,0.2635353140525769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155391084985354,0.106372079088498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914168495387024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052157671510193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309320445859824,0.0,0.1500295523234106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394168253132128,0.0,0.0,0.2348824964356017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484090844858154,0.13361616200436602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020975089622214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777014628672556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230466178562528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402580812985333,0.1269633455286502,0.09220530577861437,0.0,0.0,0.14599382657679064,0.12572778764675208,0.0,0.12737703100543454,0.0,0.0,0.12726283374203806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330357782095317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269028756728375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413793348635804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999928747931434,0.0,0.11624767567243766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755324510983452,0.0,0.0,0.12708699565633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992146586228792,0.13845746831754244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844672002960734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958278076625993,0.0,0.2400232411871358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423259515325354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944792324350204,0.0,0.0,0.17129500397444045
suicidewatch,stampydog,2018/03/26,"Recovering after being suicidal A few nights ago, I had decided to kill myself and fortunately a friend helped me to stop myself, but I had about an hour, where I was planning it out including last messages to friends and family as well how I'd do it. For that hour I was literally viewing myself as dead and now I'm struggling to recover from it. I cant stop thinking about that night, and its just taken such an emotional toll on me and I just want some advice on what I can do to start to feel better after.",9.919174757281553,6.11289196116505,10.26220873786408,67.35117718446604,61.42718446601942,13.795145631067962,39.342233009708735,11.698219412168324,4.344283495145632,404,14,80,9,4,138,68,103,0.171,0.688,0.14,-0.6757,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,1,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,17,15,9,3,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,5,2,12,4,17,9,2,16,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,12,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858853383249755,0.18014617072191647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973546892034886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228600099256836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158187991785589,0.0,0.10275636397971706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31402133809256083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362170330310936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002701995246687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248376908720456,0.0,0.0,0.16565501182058545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814246693966326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384327789168308,0.0,0.0,0.3398094001084338,0.0,0.21245426996362995,0.0,0.22229451138909925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302179911100208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119867017800482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272314387816935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hamza147147,2018/03/26,"I have a great life yet i still get suicide thoughts. I keep saying things to myself like' Ima kill myself' for no apparent reason. My life is great and I love it. I have a lot of people around me that I love..

I'm just confused. At the end of days before I go bed i just get these thoughts. I would never push myself to do it though. Its almost like they are intrusive thoughts. Help?",-0.8431481481481455,1.3027581728395106,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,96.90123456790123,3.6876543209876544,15.391975308641975,5.46131890053228,-0.8929432098765435,296,7,68,2,12,96,55,81,0.151,0.628,0.221,0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,1,3,0,6,4,0,1,1,14,16,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,15,6,7,12,1,9,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,7,46,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820599153298236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842635942964373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143489568492774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477254197130872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576239469691249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595847472378693,0.0,0.10114146939776868,0.0,0.0,0.39241353329256257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928602150133008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581832479960638,0.19689162970940768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140353385849984,0.17388917633635498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512992675274005,0.3212402726222134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725738742852786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337835074179385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829774043866061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152471326436647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212288032334666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946645531409786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823187302534922,0.0,0.1748494646358001,0.4238524011750451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642105330870235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,propinc,2018/03/26,"feeling so low i've been texting so many ""friends"" but nobody replied. I dont even know what to do, i have nobody to talk to. This is the first time i actually feel like ending it, just can't handle being so lonely",1.6743333333333332,3.389995933333335,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,78.55555555555556,5.3888888888888875,22.36111111111111,5.985473137389443,0.2611111111111111,167,5,36,1,4,56,36,45,0.133,0.768,0.099,-0.3733,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,3,2,3,8,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.3261077481870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916519965482788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29598090855049514,0.0,0.0,0.2207202165533988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379390370305697,0.2387355312280875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842500897377591,0.0,0.0,0.25818368929197866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836544901925174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326160265867798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388021975729245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685981567630048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948608191270309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MasonicCondom,2018/03/26,"I ruined my girlfriends life to the point she killed herself. I can't live with the guilt. But I don't have the balls to kill myself. I just wish someone would block up my room and pump it with c02. But that's just too easy and I don't deserve to die like that, I should suffer like she did. Feel her pain so maybe I'll understand how she felt before I die.",-0.08611832611832781,2.045857155844157,1.0791341991342025,102.56409812409812,87.83116883116884,3.9417027417027413,15.049062049062044,5.033348758259628,-1.2387968253968258,279,5,68,1,9,87,53,77,0.259,0.5589999999999999,0.182,-0.8484,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,1,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,16,11,6,4,3,4,0,2,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,2,15,2,6,7,0,3,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025694019037934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640981373491836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305282288547053,0.0,0.21467956610151867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947340419548686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579268334706795,0.21846762909133774,0.0,0.19743232130952665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246242221478131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379134214168173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211362952496677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944540696796366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327630179975324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711519292761736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883051703090706,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontknowwhatofeel,2018/03/26,"i want to kill myself everyone uses me, im always the second option and i can't take this anymore, nobody loves me, everyone wants somethng from me, im not making it to 2019, im such a coward that im afraid to kill myself, i want this to end",0.5771698113207577,2.2647731320754723,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,81.83018867924528,5.749433962264153,18.147169811320754,6.742157984588678,0.1384520754716978,188,4,40,2,5,68,34,53,0.219,0.67,0.111,-0.8442,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,8,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,8,1,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398909472616007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673181881865662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890616444314148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212954946648615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7264023112049522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720041015941571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173664211762397,0.0,0.11222272066515857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640679862983165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520340291904965,0.0,0.0,0.2974880819227217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoeBidenMeUp,2018/03/26,"I'm losing it. I just don't know if I can go on. I sure as hell know I don't want to. I've struggled with just feeling like shit for years now, and it's only gotten worse over time. I just don't really find enjoyment in anything. I've been putting on a facade to everyone that I'm just this normal person, but I'm not. I can't trust anyone with anything, not even my parents. The problem is, they think something is wrong and want to talk about it. I really don't, I just want to end it. Everything sucks. I just can't do it anymore.",0.6525548589341703,2.3784911206896595,2.8658307210031384,93.298605015674,81.75862068965517,5.942319749216303,20.890282131661447,6.980632752743323,0.35776896551724136,414,12,96,5,11,141,68,116,0.243,0.69,0.067,-0.9509,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,9,11,3,1,2,0,11,1,1,0,1,25,24,5,0,6,10,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,2,1,11,4,13,22,0,10,1,1,0,0,4,4,3,1,5,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212746189127804,0.12840953699665908,0.0,0.30224998259596925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626558264771956,0.0,0.0,0.12129643570437852,0.0,0.0,0.17548160085765854,0.1650491624337546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285692384064237,0.13119672255736764,0.0,0.0,0.16784909581546328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437024076826658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185405224145128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972014797335602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545287327592546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993406558222652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396710408007055,0.0,0.0,0.2039171242581928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035258343174447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572439791657432,0.0,0.18461493009556015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352966305909425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850995617511832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413796451114327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919866488223164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308415982227576,0.0,0.0,0.147607679807782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767292666730984,0.0,0.0,0.1070854459443057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32495746575174583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871509397270592,0.0,0.20078804645938675,0.0,0.11826198802291303
suicidewatch,tsuume,2018/03/26,"it's so hard it's so hard. it really is. i've never felt this awful in my entire life, not even at my previous lowest point. for whatever reason, i'm beyond depressed. nothing happened, and it feels so wrong to feel this way. i shouldn't, other people have it worse and yet i'm constantly thinking about ending my life.

idk. i think a lot of suicide.                                                                                                             especially recently and the only reasons i haven't is because i don't want my family to come home from vacation and find me dead and because my dog. i don't want her to just get tossed away. she means the world to me and i owe her my life and to give her the best life she could ever have.

i've tried getting help, i really have. but meds didn't work and i ended up getting off them cos my parents thought i was ""fixed"". it sucked when that happened though, cos my parents sent me all the way to asia and stuck me in a shitty excuse for a mental hospital so they could vacation without having to watch over me.

i've tried talking to my best friends but everytime i bring it up they make it about themselves or they say ""stop that, you don't mean it"". i can't talk to my boyfriend(?) because we barely even talk and well, it's LDR so i can't see him. i can't talk to my family, they're the typical asian parents who believe mental illness is just an excuse.

i have nowhere to turn to and i'm losing it. i wanna self harm, i wanna end it, i just constantly am crying idk what to do.

idk i'm sorry. this was a really stupid post. i just had nowhere to go and i just want someone to hear me.",0.2601238390092888,2.4901717151702805,2.37453560371517,93.17777863777091,87.26625386996902,5.381424148606812,19.955108359133128,6.8360192770164,0.3379956656346748,1196,37,262,16,38,401,160,323,0.191,0.7490000000000001,0.06,-0.9886,5,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,1,1,4,4,20,10,2,0,10,1,24,5,0,5,3,51,56,22,2,8,10,3,5,0,1,1,5,2,1,1,20,14,0,1,11,0,1,4,12,6,1,0,8,9,48,4,33,45,4,29,0,2,2,0,29,11,1,2,11,173,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339243062266105,0.0,0.0,0.16232082148627294,0.0,0.0,0.10000151194660843,0.18629514593671104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645841197867778,0.0,0.1918348789576026,0.0,0.1417344062643577,0.0,0.09749809450890087,0.0,0.0,0.07644838932632593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358435982375848,0.0,0.0,0.11724956705408968,0.08028800945747377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673490313106097,0.0,0.08975889567624684,0.0,0.08522299702789926,0.0,0.08112453470087032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857533546907432,0.0,0.1391194569256076,0.08514615797099044,0.05044404426373683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697938748092874,0.0,0.15902207674697905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003835766644577,0.0,0.05949359233642799,0.0,0.08903297129485692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25077371459066033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992991273887508,0.0,0.07546011535790012,0.0,0.0,0.05924762605734511,0.0,0.0,0.1933701364534578,0.09859174614389868,0.0,0.17889731024792574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684567642550216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516709181427347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750556588401742,0.0,0.0,0.2956706154885602,0.0,0.0,0.0615346308795391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390637543917083,0.0,0.08500702339483973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705847408408939,0.18251900711154312,0.08763925470381617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058508189399375,0.0,0.0,0.07072979464545784,0.0,0.09259547024616452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520559896858167,0.0,0.0,0.09935894406256723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742068795373138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097088438537563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28536595409120324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374695081194115,0.08720571478837512,0.07046509347574895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052368849657527,0.0965448001252806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705788034549398,0.14090624939879626,0.0,0.0,0.07980541045727263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855609481215937,0.0,0.06461794103225854,0.0,0.09045346851841424,0.0,0.09704453135942276,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayfailure1kek,2018/03/26,"It's over. My heart hurts so much every day I can't take it anymore I doubt anyone cares but I need to type it down im case it helps:


My entire life was a failure. I have failed at every single stage of this miserable life. As I write this I am having problems breathing because of the pain that destroys my heart every second.



My whole life I was told that if I was a good boy and studied hard got decent grades I would do fine in life. I spent all my teenage years studying hard earning top grades and ending every single year at top of my class.



After graduating high school as valedictorian I went to the best college in the entire region. Studied civil engineering since construction was booming (middle east). Ended up graduating with distinction.


Too bad though, the construction boom is over and everyone struggling to find a job. Luckily I ended up earning a job at one of the top design firms in the middle east. I earn a staggering 20k a year. I even did a master's in Engineering management/financial engineering while working full time and ended up top of my class but for what? Still in the same place doing nothing all day long for a shit salary. Meanwhile everyone who spent their entire youth having fun earn more and are better off. Is it fair? No life is not fair but I'm done playing this game. It's over, some ppl r lucky some aren't we just have to accept it and move on.


You know I think this is it for me. When you realise that your entire life was a lie. You did everything society wanted u to do and yet you failed. You gave up all the fun and worked hard for what? Here I am, failing professionally socially financially with no brighter future on the horizon.

My life might end at any moment now. I lost hope and faith in everything. Only god can save me because I have nothing left. My hopes and dreams have been shattered beyond repair. Life is pointless at this point. 

TL,DR: It's over, my hopes and dreams are shattered and I will not live the rest of my life miserable. It's time to go next!






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suicidewatch,MsFrenchie,2018/03/26,"I want to kill myself because people are disrespecting me. So today i got up. Spoke to my psychic all day and all she did was insult me and my character and was very rude and dissed my relationship.

I told my bf and he told me the accusing is too much and that he is tired of hearing about cheating. How can i trust you when i caught you texting your ex and on top of that treating me like a piece of ass? Dude wtf you should be lucky i havent cheated or left you for my ex. I hate him right now. If he keeps talking like this he will never see the baby because i will be dead because of the hurtful things he says to me.
What an asshole he is gonna do this when he knows i cant live without him.

And my ex is just a mean controlling prick. 


[Kill myself](https://imgur.com/a/nttyR)",2.465611137328928,3.8438246503067504,3.6337423312883423,91.34281736668241,75.50306748466258,6.487777253421425,24.194903256252946,7.010146845296331,0.6971362907031624,610,19,137,6,13,198,102,163,0.219,0.69,0.091,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,5,0,2,8,14,8,0,6,0,17,3,2,2,3,23,30,14,3,3,4,3,0,2,1,4,1,3,0,0,6,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,8,4,29,5,12,16,4,12,0,1,1,1,27,5,2,3,8,92,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192155485316437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577473341721768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112571497874055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396050537827331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233380654502792,0.0,0.0,0.1967326121461245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686135719016367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514969747687088,0.3862315026671197,0.0,0.09592912752138064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965108722931487,0.0,0.0,0.1705544262421458,0.0,0.15413247455769832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013812772888594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831568817366373,0.0,0.13462514144691012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210122692212067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740335426728386,0.0,0.14906631946225052,0.0,0.1388106308767521,0.0,0.0,0.1390952188914945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402981588150458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596448779748915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062166493977104,0.16545473654835632,0.33358353086108583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402355032267006,0.1029551989831938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826174693695586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,veilsofrealitydotcom,2018/03/26,"Last days with a roof. Reflections Very Long

https://veilsofreality.com/2018/03/26/footprints-in-the-sand/",30.833333333333336,37.70849677777778,11.802222222222225,15.790000000000019,81.22222222222223,10.088888888888887,25.222222222222214,7.793537801064563,4.265488888888889,97,2,7,2,3,20,9,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40431277311141617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110250372702633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548061692896591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172762388705059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IveGotIssues9918,2018/03/26,"The suicide note I wrote in school today. March 26, 2018


I’m sorry.

I’m sorry to everyone who loves me, who's going to be hurt by me doing this, but let's face it, you only love me because you have to. Grandma, you only have a few months left anyway. [Brother], you’ll forget, just like you forget everything else. Daddy, you finally get to begin your new life. I was going to be on my own soon anyway, away from you. Away from the people who have to love me. I can't get anyone to love me without having to, so no one would care anyway. All I lost was a lifetime of isolation and sadness. No prom, no graduation, no partying until 2 AM, no bachelorette parties, no weddings, no baby showers. Just me and my stories, trying to dull the pain with empty hope that things were going to get better. I’m sorry to [aunt], who just spent hundreds of dollars on a dress I’ll never wear. I’m sorry to [institution], which granted me an honor I’ll never receive. I’m sorry to the [university] admissions committee, who gave me a full scholarship for an education I’ll never get. I'm sorry that you saw something I don't have. I’m sorry you’ll never get a return on your investments in me. I don't know why God cast this curse upon me, why he gave me these 18 years never being truly loved by anyone who didn't have to, but everything happens for a reason. Everyone has a purpose. It's just that mine, for some reason, was to live a short and miserable life. But maybe I helped someone somewhere by living. I hope so. I hope my existence wasn't in vain. But even so, I have to do this. No one had ever loved me who wasn't forced to, so I’m going to see the first person who was forced to love me. Maybe in being with her, I will finally find peace.

I'm sorry. Goodbye.


[Name]

1999-2018

I called my dad to ask his email so I could share this with him. I said ""thank you for everything""; he freaked out and came to my school to pick me up. I'm now taking an indefinite number of mental health days.

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suicidewatch,DryResolution,2018/03/26,"So I'm completely fucked up and never been so close to end it.

So I came to this sub, read rule n° 1.a.

Realized my father made that exact statement recently : ""Suicide is selfish"".
Then realized he has been guilt-tripping me recently. Fear that he did that since I'm a kid. Fear to even think about it. I'm not even sure he is doing it in a conscious way.

He has been physically abused (at least) by his own dad, who I've never known.
I fear he is also manipulating my mom. I also fear my mom has been brainwashed.

Still I love him and think he has been supporting me

But what I fear the most now is that I am or will be like him with my future kids.

I'm in my early 30's and my mind is completely messed up

Please help",1.57069381598793,3.05254577777778,3.5764705882352965,90.38334841628959,78.15032679738563,7.060633484162897,21.573152337858215,7.882392219407189,0.7455604826546008,556,15,129,9,13,189,91,153,0.155,0.7120000000000001,0.134,-0.6771,0,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,1,5,3,0,19,2,0,2,4,24,30,11,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,8,0,17,4,11,20,3,18,0,0,0,2,18,6,1,2,11,81,27,1,0.0,0.1425722394116895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245688394746746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762629960174685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25232896378318925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657731146587708,0.0,0.0,0.15895462569954374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6770276306144096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124382167256057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065515241515173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878751694555226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086031826031712,0.1138598469905778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149973570699013,0.2818597952617517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561295554701696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208700781555244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036329403879101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762415978228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953882400942922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609627708165352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316222890645906,0.13654988736686138,0.1134102897554339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420614715306846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955129332016198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bhavens4321,2018/03/26,"I feel like the only reason I'm still here is because i haven't finished my suicide note For a while, I talked to friends and never would've committed suicide because I thought I couldn't have done that to my parents. I never told them about my depression or suicidal thoughts and only talked to a couple friends about it. They were excellent in supporting me and lately I thought I had been feeling better but I'm realizing that its actually just me caring less and less about everything. I don't really care about anything anymore and the only prevailing thought in my mind most of the time is to go home and end it. After I finish writing my notes (I'm writing one to each of my friends and one to my parents) i provably will send the emails and finally be done with this awful life. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm out of things to try to hold on to.",5.920517241379312,5.781635879310348,6.454620689655173,79.77744827586207,66.64367816091955,9.488735632183909,35.216091954022986,9.120678840339163,3.0124409195402304,689,31,136,11,10,225,97,174,0.085,0.765,0.15,0.8108,2,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,2,7,10,0,0,6,1,15,1,0,1,3,33,31,12,3,1,3,2,2,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,8,12,0,1,9,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,10,2,23,9,24,18,4,17,0,1,0,0,14,4,0,2,12,99,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.11168371135446414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270012377382481,0.0,0.0,0.09418008608252433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953159358222691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121902441833693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333725804401161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663337032669505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857298797368554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342379243553001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136602561809853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285753661490432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573563056061835,0.08176092198962942,0.0,0.12537103659998253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652642826638365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650428375583981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479961953478615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289704916747205,0.0,0.12910114146663784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083726344758041,0.05591299749229616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555879157460418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765370823137518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510442674636202,0.2611261817029789,0.0,0.0,0.2541595820967769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331764499588236,0.1176705228947158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139747991843024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755591544314509,0.12987303949217546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397624206743607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603346636352698,0.0,0.0,0.3634323691033059,0.06673493530487115,0.0,0.0,0.1093589626224439,0.0,0.07770196469414684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129982768967879,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foogers,2018/03/26,"dealing with relapse so two years ago I tried to kill myself, couldn't go through with it(too painful, guess I didn't want to die enough). I was in the hospital for three or four days before they let me out, then I did partial hospitalization for a while. My attitude improved, I took medication, got a therapist, and it seemed pretty good.  But actual life wise everything was the same, still had no friends, no real career, stuck wasting money struggling through school.  Now two years later I feel worse than ever. I drove out to the place where I tried to kill myself before, but couldn't really move, couldn't really do anything.  I really want to not be around anymore, but there's something invisible that keeps me from doing it. Maybe it's fear of death or whatever. But I feel like the same invisible thing makes me afraid of asking for help. I feel so afraid of everything. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I feel like shit all the time and I really just want to end it, but for some reason I can't.",3.8531535532994914,5.673735695431472,4.605783629441625,83.9713150380711,72.75634517766497,8.173730964467005,24.495241116751266,8.841846274778883,1.7126855329949229,800,24,158,16,16,257,116,197,0.183,0.71,0.108,-0.9097,0,0,1,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,1,0,10,13,3,4,8,0,14,4,1,2,2,38,33,13,4,7,9,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,0,1,5,9,8,0,4,9,4,22,5,25,19,5,24,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,5,15,107,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.11209768289669976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182635341069407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139213250371777,0.0,0.0,0.09452917795107556,0.1022596875043196,0.10738902918774422,0.0,0.0,0.08832883233379776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549379491822572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408239587348843,0.11842712314718425,0.0,0.0,0.11921812943339305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101741753192393,0.11869261644212475,0.0,0.0,0.10390754173834132,0.0,0.0,0.2064775853731934,0.0,0.0,0.12926199235276425,0.2323292422340371,0.16412796092433835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874917413723858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056785615195132,0.09634847992882066,0.09187296123431722,0.0,0.12654353467168278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699571792392725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021027660215808,0.2541758404193044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174635450126344,0.08113689824851653,0.1122404939213162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667739204210842,0.0,0.11540352108650982,0.0,0.0,0.11572060977735875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208986506842873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223101445921547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001591429838787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168652677950285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074852986128505,0.29435762905107693,0.11810668540442855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625574774011473,0.0,0.10457439083181856,0.0,0.0,0.11791359615492568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843343193348299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173625766192944,0.0,0.0,0.12008827881399801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337427176355035,0.07631529520813021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698229782313016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276260866713404,0.1559799561296881,0.0,0.2244248659789957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710159481697583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706352690725433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794652313491974
suicidewatch,filipinofoodfinds,2018/03/26,"Forced to go before a committee I was raped by another student last year, and took a year off for medical leave. Now I'm trying to come back, and I have to go before an entire committee and explain why ""i'm better"". And I have to stay calm and collected, or they'll just stop me from reenrolling I'm so scared and angry but I can't even talk to anyone, because they've already called my friends, asking them how I was. I'm so close to the edge after this. I just want to do science. Why do I have to talk about this shit?",2.06529292929293,3.4804140545454594,3.65848484848485,90.60217171717173,76.63636363636364,6.707070707070707,23.131313131313128,7.3871296695380915,0.7875555555555551,406,12,90,5,9,135,70,110,0.165,0.769,0.066,-0.8682,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,9,6,2,1,4,0,9,3,1,1,0,16,20,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,3,0,11,3,14,16,0,14,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,1,7,55,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061099090080795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584897195812845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059682209046486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460860916347748,0.0,0.0,0.14361778553631413,0.0,0.11385578276839482,0.0,0.317862074822231,0.0,0.0,0.16518654965997545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907172805445916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088938434426822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336255861045875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430123801025124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122960970649232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152245853313747,0.0,0.19776684724410104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188155297404254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699349813641528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172097170262187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907638319776627,0.0,0.15615154505428636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30024395928699205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751294294411415,0.12680738155091414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016422750295986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33706922275600193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405528463247226
suicidewatch,any1canfly,2018/03/26,"Perspective - Is There A Rule Book For This? + Happy Birthday Eve When people find out I had a younger brother who has passed away they sometimes ask ""what happened?""

And I reply ""it was an accident"" and that's usually the end of it. If it isn't, I can usually navigate things where details are zero and the topic gets changed.

I have had that conversation with people now for over 12 years; I don't have any friends* but an acquaintance asked a while back ""can I ask what happened?""

[pause] I can count on 2 fingers the people here in YVR that know the whole story. But I decide to make it 3...

So I start with ""my brother shot himself"" and R replied ""you mean like an accident?! OMG! That's horrible! I am so sorry!""

And I corrected her ""no, not an accident like you think; he took one his 9mm Glock, put it under his chin like this (me with finger gun under my chin) and pulled the trigger""

R freaks out, does a little dance of rage and then adds ""how can you say that's an accident?! That's suicide! What is wrong with you?!""

So I reply, and this is where I need a vote on perspective... ""accidents happen when people aren't properly equipped for the circumstances they find themselves in or they don't have all the information to make a better decision""

My brother was a drug addict, he was in trouble with the law or with other people, and he was out of financial resources, so he shot himself (in Mom's house, she found him).

See above... this was an accident. Just like people who go for a hike, aren't properly equipped for an emergency, get lost (poor information) and die on a mountain.

R was having none of it, and accused me of lying and not trusting her and is pissed.

She asked me one time how I came up with the "" really cool and memorable"" idea to wish people a Happy Birthday Eve. I didn't have the heart then to tell her and certainly won't now...

First Granny, Sept 11 was her funeral; Granny = Mom's Mom. Then 2 weeks later my brothers accident.

Mom's birthday is Nov 5 and based on advice from the counselor I got her a Birthday card - BIG mistake!

There was no Christmas and hasn't been since, but on Mother's Day I got her a card when she was back home (I cleaned up and oversaw new carpet and paint) because... it's Mother's Day right?

Wrong! Another BIG mistake. What would you do?

Me... on her next Birthday I called her Nov 4 and said ""Happy Birthday Eve"". It wasn't easy, but that's what we do now.

And a new tradition... I wish people Happy Birthday Eve. I used to think it was neat and quirky and people would say the same - neat, quirky and memorable.

But lately I start to think... if you only knew how that came about, would it be quirky and neat? In spite of the fact that it's limited to family, co-workers (when I am working), and the odd acquaintance from the pub - those email addresses tend to start info@...

Maybe I should have put this in /offmychest

*friends - I told the lady that takes care of my H2O filtration ""I have no friends"" And she replied ""oh come on, surely you know someone that you can call and say I have had a hard day lets go get a beer and chat"" - I don't. It's been like that for 15+ years ever since I got here in YVR; solitary confinement in a city of 2.5M. Think about all the challenges you've faced in the past 15 years, me too, one difference - I do them solo :(

fml",2.666152352179541,4.398609105740185,3.654496115666813,89.916914652568,75.76737160120845,7.024643936124297,24.51025032369443,7.83500028581142,1.1708782045748811,2556,84,544,38,56,821,280,662,0.157,0.737,0.107,-0.9891,0,0,2,1,0,1,142.0,1,8,4,6,27,32,3,0,41,1,56,8,5,7,7,102,100,53,3,11,12,10,3,5,3,5,2,4,4,0,39,44,1,2,19,5,1,11,16,10,0,5,28,9,70,22,58,65,5,81,0,1,1,0,66,31,1,4,44,346,109,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693512039193468,0.0,0.06216515404398545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432612946902217,0.0667072823739499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378907722605961,0.0,0.05976964830533516,0.09783408182240057,0.0,0.03877993218500116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056263485594922204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991879773154846,0.14552029745115594,0.06486110142484039,0.0,0.06729765559462224,0.054799846458824464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308183502466175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602372023680204,0.06646553831418603,0.0,0.0,0.05567109040161639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737747609474277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634519750563021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754462428517595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599718264055228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628836986284867,0.054112028798420815,0.0,0.06975203644730586,0.14744948622326742,0.0,0.09971074054067973,0.0,0.0723092674534182,0.0,0.1526394027155929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876716587223,0.270883119963237,0.0569877477427079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753856726736162,0.0,0.0,0.06381237891903517,0.0,0.0,0.07340471844831653,0.0,0.07181510776087355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992375672722022,0.0,0.07176200575867532,0.0,0.0,0.06505202078573205,0.0,0.1553986588516664,0.06376028822949882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944475321192599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084928805790468,0.0,0.06391116709153316,0.06929684722151007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980267678830436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717071220335206,0.0,0.12288212084196852,0.06765670241846375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293242411211928,0.048383095460991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060728997666588264,0.3969320592919992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790399119432516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075425827095938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432800926901665,0.06051371012303248,0.1517708078145713,0.0,0.0,0.050693988880074856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524819253083044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053901920922337636,0.0,0.06291818982412885,0.07121328756419944,0.13508392487358686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958595381590184,0.0,0.0599576503436813,0.0,0.04783157273231575,0.0,0.055603487725240534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226387148127178,0.1630511353385717,0.0,0.0,0.0370952011519632,0.0,0.0,0.060788141888757835,0.07068009774481669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494409480332492,0.14012882817784544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102919302034759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102537501153476,0.14631130961606953,0.0,0.0,0.09262691064105924,0.0,0.0,0.1355736743277452,0.13910896866777714,0.0,0.12290051731089507
suicidewatch,ThisisMewtwo,2018/03/26,"I just want to die I'm 15 years old. I'm going through some hard times currently, I lost my mom in December 2015 when I was 11, right now my father had a relapse on Crack Cocaine after he was sober for 6 years. And he sold his tv, and his truck radio, he has nearly no money. 

My problem is, I just want to be left alone, generally school constantly piles shit onto my daily life it makes it hard to do anything, and I have no real friends, all of them are fake and never talk to me. I just feel like dying so I can end this pain and suffering. Ever since I was born my mom and dad argued constantly and my father moved to MS for about 8 years of my life. during that time my mom was dating some guy named Todd, he was a big time drug dealer and always beat on my mom.

to put it shortly, I have no reason to live anymore, I just have a sinking feeling in my chest like a stone is pulling down on me and It feels like im constantly sinking lower and lower.  I just want my fake friends to leave me alone, along with the government and other people. I just want to curl up into a ball, close my eyes. and just die. to be spared for nothing but darkness forever. so i never had to fucking deal with anything ever again and end my pain.


I dont feel like eating anymore either, I just dont feel hungry anymore at all. and when I do it seems like to much for me and I feel bloated. I have little to no interests in my hobbies anymore, and I just want to be alone. 




I just wish there was a way to fix my problems.. I can't find them right now.

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suicidewatch,go1ngaway,2018/03/26,"bummer Whats up. Been a while, stuff was mostly good for the last year.. but right now with trying to graduate from uni and some serious shit hitting the fan at work, I'm really tempted to just take the easy path you know.. all the bullshit is not worth it - financially I'm not even able to afford a home due to a price hike in real estate.. so what's the point? Going to work for no apparent reason only to pay rent and eat? Yeah, there is no point in keep on living.",1.5364146620847663,3.3973459175257767,3.3329209621993137,90.36359679266899,79.51546391752578,6.372966781214204,17.994272623138606,7.3871296695380915,0.1972506300114545,362,7,79,5,9,121,75,97,0.204,0.6940000000000001,0.103,-0.8849,3,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,2,5,3,1,0,8,1,4,2,1,1,1,14,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,4,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,15,8,3,14,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,2,5,48,5,4,0.22020520874182334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253249028335144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544346356918886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514769475900506,0.18469768152727647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088377880331775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572850734790811,0.0,0.0,0.12101902386078475,0.1794966355222849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444523366547375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674759840748956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163301977492141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506417366036261,0.14106909539663942,0.2264076297123206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805404508469795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260374823396026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520822803747785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556691209749025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950488208616786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206240291908515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418049347183703
suicidewatch,bigkmedic,2018/03/26,suicide thoughts in my head I work for a US based Non profit. they are currently paying me 36k a year but working me over 100 hours a week. I dont get to spend time with my family and feel like a burdon to my family as I never can help around the house. I am not productive at work anymore and feel like it would be better to just die and not have to deal with the mess. I can not get a new job because 1. I dont have the experience in the field I want and 2. can not pass a piss test anymore. I consume medical marijuana daily when home just to relax me enough to get a little sleep and feel ok. I am struggleing with bills as it is and have stoped eating lunches and most breakfasts. I am just a drain on the planet and am ready to go. then the EMS personel in me says no you cant do that its the cheap way out you got a family to suport and a kid that calls you dad and dogs that love me. I am so lost I dont even know if suicide is the right answer. I dont know anything. I do know I need a new job and a better job that treats me with repect. I can not quit because I own a home and car. what do I do how do I find a better job. ,1.7942204655248126,2.313422600790513,3.883761528326744,92.25240557751428,75.95652173913044,7.203249890206412,21.56543697848045,7.3871296695380915,0.3963141853315766,870,19,218,10,18,300,130,253,0.104,0.7440000000000001,0.152,0.8948,5,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,1,3,1,8,8,14,1,1,22,1,27,8,3,1,1,43,43,20,3,4,10,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,8,18,3,0,9,1,5,3,12,4,0,0,3,4,33,10,23,38,3,24,0,1,0,1,12,10,1,2,12,145,41,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540036878060864,0.0,0.0,0.07692038539289174,0.08321086402613152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396065133583234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24800804579416386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544647177066147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636664732414732,0.0,0.0,0.0970103058188279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381990427794814,0.0,0.0,0.0956463026067266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658268481657767,0.0,0.06173809176781296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143461423210797,0.2643543198980704,0.0,0.14178840257076386,0.1335543826963528,0.0,0.0,0.08543270723844884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465074884992828,0.0,0.05312290888814119,0.0,0.07475896584002267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593035326932872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265303924864479,0.0,0.187522253267756,0.0,0.09205216103612199,0.1078553913604954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710304590680775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541110906757392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913324566684009,0.09368458847904347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020369152546906,0.0,0.0843631095895862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941643003240947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930910891004871,0.0720922063917616,0.1805537779420794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942013283966912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982550475514827,0.0,0.07433354975885992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354059119101008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771836471827333,0.0,0.2044887696774369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420718927561389,0.054504908164156964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243661347599276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055132847954171234,0.07419458488940997,0.07497847141658877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041485597020405,0.0,0.0,0.06640059845333034,0.0,0.0,0.06019360277821456
suicidewatch,thrwawyaccps099,2018/03/26,"i am just so so tired i cant get over myself. I know 100% that though people might be sad, they are better off without me. I am just so sick of myself, sick of my voice, my personality, my looks. and so is everyone else. i am so ugly all the way down deep, i fucking hate myself. i am hurting physically and mentally. i just wish i would die. i really wish i was fucking dead. suicide is a pathetic way to go but i dont see any other option right now. im tired of trying. i really am. im just so tired.",-0.8175088214537745,1.169000954128446,2.835963302752294,89.6640649258998,89.91743119266056,5.922653493295695,17.55892731122089,7.321109707123232,0.3194764996471417,380,10,88,7,13,140,66,109,0.32299999999999995,0.629,0.047,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,1,12,6,3,0,2,0,14,7,0,0,1,15,24,10,3,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,3,21,1,8,20,1,9,0,2,2,2,2,5,2,2,1,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891863716162892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286486536490691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509658107306092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704795000804498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151420806839625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389944566911628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689531608935501,0.07599749872865917,0.0,0.08266897976431321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361286810781462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571927518229856,0.0,0.31424621963794824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994169811844874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215081351545802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659072578967988,0.15431139776849434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084451453552552,0.12701115162038346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637240126831192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422311156143373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159137822437204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911099670849416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291493825278406,0.0,0.0,0.5015589213316216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875863950708623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309207370311559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345465144349003,0.14021945290307114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333149755475912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redditpaull,2018/03/26,"Why? i have been thinking about this for a while know. and looking back into my childhood i have always been depressed. i just didn't notice until now. i'm not enjoying life anymore, everyday its the same. Wake up at 6:30, Get ready for school, ride on my bicycle for 8 Km. school. go home, and when i get home i just get sad. i'm scared to tell my family. they might worry about me. i'm starting to question if there is a purpose to m life. why? why am i alive? why do i need to suffer? i want to end it, but i can't. i hate my life, school sucks. stress and anxiety. why am i like this? i know there is something wrong in my brain but i don't know how to fix it. please help. i want to be happy again",-1.689994481236205,0.21234839735099692,0.6955380794702002,101.28207091611479,101.45033112582779,3.841169977924945,14.900938189845474,5.7366,-0.8809141280353199,532,13,130,5,24,177,91,151,0.165,0.6779999999999999,0.157,0.3651,0,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,2,2,3,0,14,5,2,1,0,21,32,10,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,3,1,21,3,18,27,1,18,0,3,1,0,4,6,1,3,11,79,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147804098890433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329681459965024,0.0,0.12094862945344102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377744867792924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614440894895918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504143427002094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801775350483626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149702592001614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115258567390056,0.0,0.0693110058503046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982555468851692,0.0,0.1204073446893645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174524439251074,0.0,0.24466574337395103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107322680530906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584256276353567,0.059582057637278314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241321199713382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937716449378325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904296122650048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884891743140518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387222529046286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661981473930007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210028938344945,0.3702811572108149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388850056588066,0.0,0.0,0.08632183247444111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397013964528155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659584307099222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814515755280492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386686373451066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502363725333643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238533110621128,0.0,0.0,0.1333408964123914,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ventingmeow,2018/03/26,"tonight it is. I posted here on a different account before, was stalked by a friend and he found it, so new account. no one cares if I die. at my original post, it was clear no one cares. 

I'm torn between slitting my wrists or overdosing, hard choose. leaning towards slitting. I'm a burden, I don't want my mom to have to choose between me and her dad, it's my fault I'm like this. it will be easier without me. 

sure, some people will miss me, but it will be much easier for everyone else and I know it. they won't have to deal with me being transgender or autistic, people won't have to worry about me ever now. if anything, this is a gift to others. *everyone* will be thankful. they may not realise it at first, but then they will. 

I'm a waste of space. a stupid person, a complete fuck up and disappointment. just a few more hours then I can leave and do it. ",0.6907627118644086,2.9469661412429398,2.5281666666666682,92.69970762711864,85.32768361581921,5.573898305084746,21.84435028248588,6.961326702584282,0.6136465536723161,665,23,144,9,20,220,104,177,0.181,0.67,0.149,-0.4934,1,2,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,1,6,12,2,0,8,0,22,2,1,1,3,26,34,14,1,3,9,2,1,1,1,8,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,4,0,2,0,7,6,0,3,3,1,18,6,18,19,4,17,0,2,0,1,10,6,1,6,10,106,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353782266266441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998642454205915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354590911669291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724862596856462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696032300678499,0.0,0.0,0.17073605519759874,0.1718785881444998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742751710239814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880927813580544,0.0,0.31439390302921016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993265303204502,0.0,0.18037740833594945,0.12710050028676756,0.15208742132293693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736920623812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200982684327614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041073681839833,0.0,0.0,0.17419299772796332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803715813049315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267285495705166,0.0,0.0,0.1209342377324877,0.0,0.0,0.15888538612807313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295331325632511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281019062102321,0.14364433171206445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151114063815438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504931654685772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145928020228608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703262856509083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858237129833647,0.0,0.0,0.16706852456343396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RealGoodThingNow,2018/03/26,"I don't want to be convinced to live anymore, I just want a way to accept my death Title. I give up. I've tried everything, from medication to therapy to hospitalization to trying new things and eating right and drinking water. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be alive. Please just let me know that if I die it's okay, I'll be happier and finally be free.",1.84699248120301,3.7555924210526337,4.1706015037594,84.49921052631579,78.73684210526315,7.5007518796992505,24.01503759398497,8.418075326091056,1.5499195488721806,288,10,61,6,7,100,49,76,0.156,0.614,0.231,0.7971,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,0,0,12,14,4,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,9,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909144073209404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454504191448344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307008844056114,0.0,0.2016690578441745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712895914105584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589901868379274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906367230719506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831378252610996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153466467075148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403130582765708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854427417856654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903477149425359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634218528413351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831109930196364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253859976554072,0.0,0.13093575055448595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676180780221985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649877392083064,0.15643837371644134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpartanCuddles,2018/03/26,People always say there’s plenty reasons to stay But what if all those reasons are the reasons you’re so tired of everything. The things that you’re suppose to hold close are the reasons that I hurt so much. The ones that love me are the knifes in my heart. I’m being split in the middle with my fucking depression. I love everyone in my life. And I know they love me. And care for me. But it’s those reason that make this so fucking difficult to just end it. I’m the reason so many of my friends have met and become friends. But I’m scared my death will tear them apart. That I was the glue. But it’s not fair that I’m stuck here while the live their lives. I can’t tell who’s selfish here anymore. I just want this world to end me. I’m 22 male. This isn’t my first rodeo with depression but man did it come back hard this weekend. ,0.9608207070707095,3.0222159659090906,1.9006060606060624,98.85146464646463,82.52272727272728,5.047474747474748,19.436868686868685,6.139981653823899,-0.2803260101010103,654,17,153,5,18,204,98,176,0.128,0.7859999999999999,0.086,-0.6684,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,10,14,2,1,9,0,10,8,1,7,1,27,27,14,1,2,9,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,19,7,0,1,7,1,0,1,3,8,0,2,4,2,19,6,12,21,2,15,0,3,0,5,14,7,2,1,6,94,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252003937925976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027185636273172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549921894449257,0.0,0.0,0.12280201574482395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336690462880444,0.0,0.0,0.0957814287870146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915377463027471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969649139959128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624801819085053,0.09993153884475102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457923274969716,0.0,0.0,0.17181219020370148,0.2055890645667849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996055327682686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317621837530976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190325483195103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110781104579435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853767840619959,0.0,0.0,0.1963678472775289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010633721225667,0.0,0.0742210324430205,0.11273049000589952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173837321078199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534607845231514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708602249242957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6859388324782153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842375639112862,0.1113218531998558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851509344850432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718606609356932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387053537802572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277980016038381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558348864629199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Duramidador,2018/03/26,"I don't want to finish the week I've said this to myself a bunch of times but maybe this time it's for real. I am sick of going on and I'm only 17. High school graduation is 3 months away but what's the point? I hate feeling needy and I can't talk to anyone about this kind of stuff. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends, my parents know I'm suicidal, I can't even talk to a school counselor anymore (Last time I did I was send to the ER a second time). I wish I had validation for my ""depression"" like I wish I was bullied or abused instead of it just being a chemical imbalance or something. I keep calling depression/suicide hotlines but  I don't know why. I reject any help. I think I'm waiting for someone to tell me suicide is ok. I don't want to hurt my family or friends, they're the only reasons haven't done anything yet. But it's not fair to me that I keep going on. No matter what anybody says that's good about me I don't see it. I am done with feeling this way, like I'm going crazy. I might write a suicide note today. I keep telling myself I need to make it Tuesday when I see my therapist but after that I don't know. Honestly I'll probably fuck up killing myself because I can only slit my wrist. If I finish the week I will post again letting anyone concerned know.",0.6676657824933692,2.7664439413919486,2.8205734495389687,91.60747252747255,83.94505494505495,5.5237589996210685,22.96690665656183,6.8039241337230125,0.6841876720980173,1008,37,219,12,29,341,141,273,0.231,0.625,0.14400000000000002,-0.9864,1,0,1,0,1,4,26.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,3,1,10,1,23,3,1,2,0,36,53,12,4,6,11,1,2,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,15,3,0,4,8,0,0,4,10,7,1,1,7,6,39,8,25,42,1,28,0,3,2,1,14,6,1,5,18,134,54,3,0.0,0.10989547286736537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630742649842062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919846588461578,0.12970814319349405,0.0,0.0763266594906597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714317641713189,0.0,0.0,0.05654051124039011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470974843942168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988681260549903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898341680894192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126155353871152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743794880331572,0.0,0.09379598630857752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331930397101686,0.08574735472154311,0.0,0.0,0.15813860618929726,0.0777956370653711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157299734501304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216943880819616,0.09799715221724227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992925004612456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24732563714508715,0.10261589724432676,0.0965865128808752,0.2038954031350677,0.07560492907153595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484478969430317,0.0,0.0906274882135298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061912409690676226,0.0,0.0931814435385448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839478456450848,0.0,0.0,0.07403343798829595,0.0,0.0,0.06877413221940512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162530195051174,0.0,0.0,0.10298966950396897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768023695703192,0.0,0.088830388814435,0.0,0.1000019065705159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557162067770956,0.0,0.09536408710863772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822800646186649,0.07375979088244161,0.0,0.1877391312169092,0.14782202477407444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858812519963047,0.07140470903355177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617838530772902,0.4058207616384617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910043690497335,0.24320694588139044,0.0,0.0,0.10769175027608907,0.0,0.059431476738982664,0.0,0.0,0.2163368030342568,0.0,0.08791766661698915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094145873308954,0.07362189864207525,0.14879946915796358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369388762972699,0.0,0.2133195129501316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,excellentwalrus,2018/03/26,"it is what it is i'm insignificant and i don't matter. i don't think anything could change my mind. i'm sorry for being a fucking failure and a stupid ass bitch. nothing really matters but at the same time i think too much over the things i'm doing, have done or will do. not going to read through this and check for mistakes cause why the fuck would it matter anyways.

sorry for wasting your time.",2.007314814814812,4.215673481481481,3.072330246913584,91.06923611111117,79.61728395061728,5.037654320987656,22.47067901234568,5.985473137389443,0.31320864197530884,316,10,64,2,8,101,57,81,0.329,0.6709999999999999,0.0,-0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,5,0,12,3,1,1,0,17,20,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,15,2,5,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,1,2,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566788381206996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929282087475624,0.2258232925085518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043867960486456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184542518042068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946997404821494,0.0,0.0,0.12132010179948395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155441687959717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569252467864043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483052855263356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352808725199354,0.0,0.13675455266865733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779250904363125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418201945926591,0.2735663219177289,0.0,0.0,0.2489525195606593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262375985049476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516431899628712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,violentknight5442,2018/03/26,"Talking to people I find that talking to my friends about my issues doesn't help at all. It's always like ""stay strong"" or ""it'll get better"". Like I could have gotten the same fucking advice from google. Idk maybe I'm just an asshole. I mean, what the fuck am I expecting someone to say when I tell them I wanna kill myself. Basically talking to people is horseshit.",1.9754166666666684,4.512789041666668,3.161666666666669,88.42500000000004,82.19444444444446,4.711111111111111,22.88888888888889,5.985473137389443,0.5161888888888888,289,10,54,2,8,93,56,72,0.153,0.6990000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.1174,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,8,3,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,9,12,2,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,10,5,8,9,2,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,2,1,3,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508196932417315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661131280081239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656180121637793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939308563987234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246366916657888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423826306250726,0.3691204935555664,0.10430155996870433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381178936350618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836809624370006,0.0,0.0,0.2208676335292057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506411181845365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056117498238324,0.21746210770045504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768049042744479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875854423437918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915091815658173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278539245109085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813795163574339,0.1744906459824319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sassysasketchewan,2018/03/26,"I'm such a burden I feel like I am going to kill myself. I'm sort of accepting it as the only possible thing I can do. I don't know if I'm depressed. I'm doing so terribly in school, and I'm just a freshman. I'm so stupid. I can't even pass calculus. I can't stand to be here in school any more. I feel like such a failure. If I just killed myself I'd have all of this off my chest. I wouldn't be a burden to my boyfriend or my family or friends any more. They could stop worrying about me. I know it would hurt them now, but in the long run I really think it's the right thing to do. I put too much on them. I ask too much of them. They'd be better off without me.",-0.979534313725491,0.6661742941176492,1.9446037581699365,98.15259191176472,87.10457516339869,5.655065359477124,16.75204248366013,6.9077264865688965,-0.322293790849673,509,11,134,7,16,179,82,153,0.174,0.748,0.077,-0.8972,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,5,1,12,13,3,0,7,0,16,1,1,0,1,21,29,9,2,5,8,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,0,2,25,5,16,22,5,15,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,5,5,91,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23061701143908495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585183110576062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499645005305373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538208327808646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604417491894353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199461774743466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598486993422248,0.0,0.1714720738551759,0.2422713694298312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310037840773962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963664360883425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815204641736231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375192188994237,0.0,0.1863745401113711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656796198201324,0.0,0.0,0.1500577254648024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492963085389321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896013583601704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911565584407875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045742858357776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862625949090728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480568860422288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432131740437649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176207753803402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252999546742535,0.10864898349895666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345247014115505,0.0,0.0,0.1721992350042377,0.0,0.12045253471631664,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvilL0rd,2018/03/26,"I wanna stop existing I'm just sick of how this world works. I'm sick of playing life on hard mode. I'm sick of just not being good enough. I'm sick of being invisible. I'm sick of being nothing. I'm sick of looking at almost everyone around me enjoying life without doing almost anything. I'm sick of trying and seeing no progress, and instead falling even farther behind. I'm sick of existing. I need a rest. I just wanna stop existing...",1.1959090909090904,3.7529240454545487,3.620909090909091,83.35136363636364,86.95454545454545,5.927272727272728,25.04545454545455,7.348242739294969,1.651690909090909,348,15,63,6,11,120,46,88,0.364,0.56,0.076,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,1,0,16,15,3,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,15,12,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,2,2,37,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603534119405564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915940160369554,0.20462868413506505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751210777046444,0.0,0.1518237387306791,0.0,0.0,0.21964596540649006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279995027772284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591399046535944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247210534003102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930288012809416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704420681220576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205617746988688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317273372570664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843550530363902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560633224745332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158176545196773,0.0,0.16734453939723706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D4dank,2018/03/26,"I apologize if I’m making another “I need help” thread. I’ve read in a few forums of people feeling suicidal but not being able to do it. I’m kind of in that same boat. But I’m not lonely. I have friends. My life is a waste I work at a hospital and make crappy pay. I’ve always thought of killing myself since maybe middle school. I’ve always been a shy introverted person. One thing I told myself growing up, was that if I wasn’t out of my parents house by 21 I’d kill myself. So when 21 came it was quite a night of back and forth arguing in my head of doing it or not doing it. I’m 26 and I really think something is wrk g in my head because it’s every day I think about doing it and all day I’m debating back and forth. I’ve written a couple letters while I was on the verge of doing it and when I read them I feel anyone who would read them would think I was weak or childish. I feel the same about myself too. That I’m weak or maybe immature to be thinking like this.  Last week I was somewhat thinking a plan of going through X-ray school and one day getting a house with my gf. But like in a split second my mind will resort back to suicide. I recently broke up with my gf because I felt so pathetic living with my parents and being 26 and nowhere near moving out, while other people my age or younger are doing way better. It’s strange. Growing up I felt I was special and would succeed and now I’m here a failure. These past couple of days have been rough and I keep thinking of slitting my wrist in my room. Being done with this struggle and I always hope I’ll have the “ balls “ to do it but don’t. Idk what I’m asking for. Maybe some like minded people opinions idk or how you deal with it. Because my current situation just seems like a waste and I’ve been fighting this feeling for so long I’m over it. ",2.8565959821428564,3.800301289062503,4.324196428571431,88.48687500000004,73.86979166666666,6.735714285714287,25.433035714285715,6.868970318607317,0.9198254464285722,1421,45,308,12,28,474,181,384,0.198,0.703,0.099,-0.9937,3,2,1,0,2,3,27.0,0,1,2,5,15,19,4,1,14,0,33,6,3,3,1,68,67,33,4,7,15,2,7,4,3,4,3,0,1,1,22,22,0,1,14,4,1,5,5,9,0,3,17,7,39,10,40,42,6,44,0,2,0,0,18,18,0,12,24,200,61,8,0.08266675310570384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635608263839267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668329847831449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780251586925553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772822549624463,0.0,0.0,0.19069689127243108,0.0,0.1511786562245259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311202527956022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945487428786161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293837992937573,0.0,0.21325286761330395,0.08522579256703278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459678971077858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965030487938134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719517691302407,0.0,0.15874609371902582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638681283857194,0.0,0.04318996655332103,0.0,0.0469814208460444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967987609060106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055409782066384784,0.0,0.0,0.08210673846179083,0.0,0.1907726680665043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347800846821824,0.1829170284260334,0.08608470225688762,0.0,0.06738443716570902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838997246489245,0.16154719963383388,0.0,0.07299625751746201,0.07315747512753465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103613992318306,0.0,0.2491495939844907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693970998889246,0.0,0.0,0.08786167592644359,0.0,0.061296349961254215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757714779026928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112034262673622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183583292746454,0.0,0.07891476977748191,0.17193215366571396,0.07218142020659013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792626757968885,0.2480673717093633,0.0,0.052958438842705145,0.0,0.08162344570047864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732633502057476,0.0,0.07525670728131917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838279242369376,0.092920894091991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364090527291537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642123922248747,0.0,0.18084802108135584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054920117505654516,0.3178171047176606,0.0,0.06562816800000122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899162519837663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561702079467784,0.06631028295971626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018238081723005,0.0,0.0,0.17617226874382524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostboy4222,2018/03/26,"I've just ran out of hope So, 3 years ago I was falsely accused of rape. 2019 is year supposed to graduate, and I turn 21 this year. For the past 3 years I've been trying to pick up the pieces or try to build a better life for myself, and nothing's happened. I've been rejected from all 5 schools I've applied to and have been stuck at home wage slaving for $11 an hour.

And I'm just so exhausted, I just feel like I have no control over the outcome of my life. I want so badly to move away and back to the major city but I can't I simply don't make enough money nor have a family that could help me. I'm just tired of waiting. Yes I could save but that would be at least a year to two years down the line. Like I have a manager who's 25 and still living with their grandparents. I don't want that. And I don't wanna be here another year, I feel like I'm in hell and there's nothing here for me

I feel like absolutely nothing good has happened in my life in the past 3 years other than me buying something I just feel so fucking stagnant though I'm putting in the effort. I'm tired of everyone telling me ""to do this do that"" ""become a plumbler etc"" and I don't fucking want that. I want to make art. I'm tired of settling, why would I do something that would only make me more unhappy?

I worked my ass off to get into a top tier art school and I had all that taken away from me. I just feel like I have no control over my life. I'm tired of being a fuck up and a disappointment to my parents. I'm tired of wanting to fucking kill myself and watching my girlfriend hurt every time I say it.

But I have nothing to be proud or happy about other than I have get my basic needs taken care of but that's just existing, and I'm tired of existing I want to live my fucking life.

I'm tired of being bored, broke and empty, and the only way I can entertain myself being escaping and living vicariously though movies, video games and tv. I want to live my life but I feel I'm just existing in my hometown and I feel like just stuck. I feel like I'm punching and wall that refuses to break. Like I just want so badly for something to go my way, I want something to be proud of. I've hated living here since high school and I feel like I'm frozen in that point of my life. And yes I've tried diffrent things but fucking hell when is something gonna work out?

And like I've been depressed and unhappy since high school and those 3 months in the city were the best of my life I just felt so fucking free and in control of my life with so many opportunities I don't have here in my hometown. And I just want to get back to that.

I don't think I'll get that and I just feel so out of control and I feel like I just have nothing. When is it my turn to be happy and get what I want?

",1.840229306487693,3.1159894043624163,3.3887416107382577,92.88241890380316,76.93624161073825,6.3089485458612975,22.987136465324394,6.816661863887847,0.4561505592841155,2159,63,504,20,48,714,209,596,0.192,0.654,0.154,-0.99,5,1,5,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,1,13,35,45,12,0,19,2,44,26,1,8,2,102,112,50,1,19,22,1,12,11,1,4,17,1,1,0,22,35,0,6,13,6,4,4,10,21,0,1,13,14,67,25,73,85,9,54,2,5,1,9,9,28,10,3,30,308,89,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03969979338884192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046961678919930264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415522062905771,0.06887483007048653,0.07478832589484465,0.0,0.04946225282028017,0.0,0.0,0.046999796598344266,0.03960928479461912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045661974391807685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009237441118485,0.07151542496630559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038573831116662585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046275568079397984,0.04994785953344369,0.0,0.0,0.03773385775391365,0.042794626012733684,0.0,0.0,0.042219942945806326,0.0,0.2490947791640079,0.2559591272702432,0.043001265606494296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898254055076895,0.11699331805809175,0.0,0.025452727799992646,0.03756409434673371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920763844531739,0.09535035495247712,0.0,0.04421657616854245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030018889914253177,0.09463703648333002,0.04492367764457037,0.04448227463067676,0.044104862615618814,0.0,0.047943984983568916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495487072407617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847009825950788,0.240680172480616,0.0,0.19773283135673386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968434554626517,0.04540563901501666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035747493745292624,0.04760007852327911,0.0,0.033208006113937066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486528658686715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812303884466868,0.0,0.0,0.04972918543921895,0.0,0.08550597740018955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233693324768718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045021967267183535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03561536158351875,0.0,0.1813019522336411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409433645982294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239098027332367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03576589314512054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039144648746787365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029753608478461518,0.028696848352985527,0.0880033848795881,0.0,0.026114883772405305,0.3603217682414494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121958840321542,0.09742789476774703,0.043749091037119235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905732275029987,0.07109755896086352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040412100340874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520900090766096,0.0,0.0,0.095443362961239,0.0,0.0,0.23072402003299036
suicidewatch,Teegetraenk,2018/03/26,"A good friend of my girlfriend has tried to commit suicide and she is incredibly hopeless and devestated, what can I do? As I said, the girl tried to kill her once and will likely try again, my gf knew her for a long time and is completely shocked. She blames herself for not realizing that her friend had depression and is afraid of actually losing her. 
My Question is: 
What can I do to stop her from feeling guilt for something she had no chance of stopping? What do I say?

And also, as a sidemark, I dont know the girl personally.",6.212532051282055,6.181252624999999,6.6007692307692345,78.61089743589746,66.01923076923077,9.625641025641023,33.67948717948718,9.2995712137729,2.8044794871794867,419,17,84,7,6,136,64,104,0.262,0.619,0.119,-0.9583,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,11,1,2,5,0,14,0,0,0,1,15,18,9,2,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,3,4,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,3,17,4,12,13,0,5,0,3,0,0,19,0,0,1,6,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.1924381388442998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770026500462692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067597876510017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984752848848952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111619306629394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970992668917346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30471148829503003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654014755600759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817188547309715,0.0,0.10837561658540758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634165129482324,0.0,0.0,0.17451523701610527,0.0,0.2206156534711333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100108932410906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721868836171884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209084256825314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758175914485029,0.15682085408860294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181370937502722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32973500677575496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570410411162308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498853852738512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016562833275533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McFlurry23,2018/03/26,"I need some advice here... So I got drunk the other night and slit my left wrist but I didn’t get deep enough with the cut, and my parents found me and are keeping a close eye on me. I’ve been taking medicine for my depression since January, but it doesn’t seem to help a lot anymore. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, and my question is should I tell her about what happened? My fear is that she may want me to be committed to a hospital and I really don’t want that. What should I do? ",2.7042961165048527,3.9934105339805854,3.86620145631068,90.27561286407769,74.72815533980581,7.868446601941748,24.52548543689321,8.472884824447931,1.3100300970873788,387,12,88,7,8,126,70,103,0.136,0.777,0.087,-0.7963,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,6,0,13,3,2,0,1,23,23,8,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,18,0,8,15,3,5,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,5,1,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063344143561706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239169867454884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446736644685644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23329515359819786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25406969080550645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24756042328186986,0.0,0.0,0.11796278355565633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058003307334974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965998197521465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513382076990851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068712945948375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453148985391692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195342157945866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674159218045331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188292151953586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507063324528025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529296725758028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464296588271208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554520831077186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677079852906925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976141479102286,0.0,0.19734510500790511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663464213321757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charlotteautumn,2018/03/26,"I'm done I think I might actually finally kill myself. 
So I just came here to vent because I don't have anyone to talk to. Well I do, but I don't want to upset any of them. I just can't keep living. I physically can't do it anymore. 
I'm 23, still living at home because I don't have a job. I fucked up the course I was studying. I have no money. I'm chronically sick and have a basically incurable sleep disorder that makes me exhausted 24/7 
Basically I'm just a big fat, hopeless walking burden on my family and society. There is nothing worthwhile about me. I don't even know why I'm still here. 
I know it will hurt my family, but I also know that it's for the best. I am a waste of a human being. 

I'm sorry for not being enough. I'm sorry that I hold people back. I'm sorry that I didn't do this a long time ago. ",-0.06344016465745382,1.851639368715088,3.3121434872096467,88.09609526609822,85.4804469273743,6.4499852984416375,19.476918553366662,7.669130373188453,0.6710379888268148,633,18,144,12,19,231,98,179,0.233,0.6829999999999999,0.084,-0.9732,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,1,14,9,2,1,8,0,22,6,2,1,0,18,39,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,8,3,1,2,4,0,1,2,9,7,1,0,4,0,24,2,12,31,2,13,0,2,0,1,3,4,1,1,7,95,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.13636017212522564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386570996977395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117451842413804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502387335371223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857852445637545,0.09770522236644397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744677739464192,0.0,0.17036103015409845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664215294695024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981840597247174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014720538821944,0.0,0.0,0.1429963389288262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443825170138108,0.0,0.09229295190949656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26345745211538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530717051122446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918177924889054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016453867646422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958807670870805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386643777577091,0.12420194949073557,0.15459490532730102,0.0,0.2303823631923685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467752645505633,0.12366014294725937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327349242901377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823563222599356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340784875642277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687392237301796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983485781915014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692621291427628,0.0,0.0,0.22318341577911469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123128508670616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953586887272162,0.0,0.0,0.08147998624487231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241870033826873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563759670093874,0.0,0.12608814990707246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KMSTheMovie,2018/03/26,"Wish I could hire someone to kill me. I'm just not doing good at school. I tried to drop out but my parent says I shouldn't. They won't mind if I do, I just know they want me to keep going. Can't decide on a major because I'm awful at school. I didn't used to be but that's what college does.",-1.5954411764705867,0.17372886764706053,1.0867647058823522,102.41044117647058,91.2058823529412,3.4000000000000004,12.911764705882351,3.1291,-1.7188000000000003,225,3,59,0,8,77,48,68,0.165,0.782,0.054000000000000006,-0.7784,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,0,16,16,3,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,11,1,8,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,36,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387402998436275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153832465524432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208960808093851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345716664994532,0.2117194897576048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243641574926692,0.27926740142678763,0.0,0.13872445918594187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548741328497565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802846162100601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073600370591269,0.0,0.5109288202805005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138762326001805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713778813562408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801145115205767,0.0,0.0,0.14888495984852287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902726948504306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3301reddit,2018/03/26,"I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m tired. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. 
I don’t know if I’m in the right place for this, or if I’m saying the right things. I just know I need help.
This is just kinda a giant vent about some things in my life and I don’t expect anybody to read this or respond.
My name is Ari. I am 15 years old. 
I feel like I was created wrong. 
I feel like I don’t deserve a life. 
I know a lot of you are going to say this is just teenage hormones talking, but I know it isn’t. I know it isn’t. 
I’ve always been a good kid. Great grades. Not many friends. Never got in trouble. I was valedictorian of my elementary school. The way my school is divided up is kids from grades 7-12 are put together. As soon as I entered high school, i started getting depressed. My parents were fighting, school was getting hard, and some things happened that caused me mental health to decline. I was also figuring out my gender and sexuality. October last year, i went to my guidance counselor and told her I wanted to kill myself. She called my mom, sent me to the hospital. The car ride there was my mom screaming at me, blaming me and my period for my suicidal feelings.
Fuck I’m sorry I can’t 
I can’t relive this 
I’ve been going to therapy since September. She said I have depression and PTSD caused by that day I went to the hospital. She thinks I’m bipolar too but she doesn’t know. I started getting medicated a week ago. Prozac. 10mg a day. So many things are happening now and I just feel like my life is falling apart. I’m not even changing my name or age on here because I just don’t care anymore. I need help. I talked to my friends about everything and they haven’t helped. They keep saying they’ll be there for me and I can talk to them if I want to but when I do they repeat the same things they always say. I know I shouldn’t expect them to say much, but I just don’t know where else to go. 
I want to kill myself
I’m tired of fighting
I’m tired of living
I’m tired of waking up every morning
My grades have been slipping. I used to get 100s and 90s, now I get 70s and 80s. 
I’ve been turning to crime. I yearn to steal and do drugs and all that stuff for no reason.
I’ve smoked weed once, no alcohol yet, my friend is trying to get us cigarettes. I know it’s bad for me. Thats kinda the point. 
I want to run away
I want to steal a car and run off a bridge
I want to get really drunk and slit my wrists
I don’t know what to do 
I can’t go to the hospital
I can’t talk to my parents 
I can’t talk to my friends
Do I have any other choice than to kill myself?
Will I ever be happy?
Edit: Sorry the  formatting on this post got fucked up. I originally typed this in notes I’m sorry",-0.08271321462042991,1.9891748024055005,2.1429053420805992,95.40516401124651,87.05841924398626,5.176757263355202,18.95563886285536,6.574015621080383,-0.04092646048109971,2093,59,490,24,66,705,242,582,0.201,0.721,0.078,-0.9979,2,0,4,0,4,3,60.0,1,1,7,0,22,27,7,0,18,0,53,18,2,5,3,81,118,30,4,15,18,4,5,3,4,3,13,7,0,2,24,16,2,1,19,2,0,15,23,16,0,0,17,12,92,11,56,96,6,59,0,3,0,2,46,21,2,11,24,298,116,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050679854348271325,0.061099873802412885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045720721762753054,0.09514397975379088,0.0,0.0,0.03887917053355509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339925209262948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371532141683643,0.0,0.04773653890560388,0.034851744671459225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583793796358691,0.0,0.05829103916902815,0.11746354088281193,0.06048078419999702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374289477884934,0.0,0.09848495298198344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630179546142018,0.0,0.04776017698284347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037761809634697815,0.05171567972926161,0.04817018557845239,0.0,0.05138283755822495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563226770751335,0.1225318526419506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668491773102218,0.10570986527880732,0.2090914168031957,0.0,0.12996949631807164,0.04795346946949743,0.09145193042748356,0.06303273718252203,0.0,0.0,0.10111467181608727,0.060861048491069686,0.051215211626866944,0.0,0.0,0.06077155332328048,0.0,0.0,0.11496429870429015,0.060405745414725875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081742728877783,0.1897582620779623,0.0,0.3770452569592965,0.046603110338037615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114760220039875,0.08379459285408722,0.0,0.05048424809105986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486059024822296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592761450078455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759514558039507,0.05761629951797776,0.0,0.0,0.13391917203425832,0.0,0.0,0.042028268567824455,0.08478517238449179,0.04409485450488655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999278243288051,0.060886705654815625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696629678814106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973295568765916,0.0,0.05404636718206009,0.0,0.05475532431718733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683143829871971,0.05747402061328614,0.0,0.0,0.057187839315720274,0.0,0.036626082705826166,0.05878271599997133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976497791960944,0.05438401398613901,0.2273288074744816,0.0,0.2314459534401675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047293573332185736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919993544776701,0.08093379219013865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544868260280798,0.0625372907704504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297649173758733,0.0,0.0,0.06538158504168592,0.0,0.18991390323554372,0.03663374467819015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628449049254565,0.0,0.05463064736814625,0.0,0.03881628474909195,0.06218711855659057,0.0,0.0,0.0687713188483108,0.04937856915671842,0.0,0.0,0.2023304623888187,0.0453807642946943,0.04586022475365787,0.0,0.0,0.10599871521451276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625090089687485,0.0,0.0736342606080543
suicidewatch,i-dnt-knw,2018/03/26,"I don't know. I think of death all the time. I have reached a point where I don't expect anything good to happen to me. I'm 28, and I don't want to hear people to tell me that I'm young, and that I have my whole life ahead, and that things are going to be ok. Because this is what I have been telling myself all my life.
It feels like the hope in me is dying in someway; everyday, everytime, I walk and talk and smile like everyone, but down inside, I feel like I'm withering, and that I will just crumble at any time.
I haven't always been like this, but I don't feel the strength to walk anymore. I always thought that something nice will come to me. 
It's true that I have made lots of mistakes along the way, that I haven't really worked for it; and when I start assuming responsibility like this, I feel burdened, I feel overwhelmed by how much subconsciously perhaps, I really want to end up fucked.
I'm 6'2, 230 pound guy, and I feel weak. I feel alone, ridiculously alone, even though I have always been a loner. I don't want to be pitied upon; I just, I just don't know.
Yes, I have been thru abuse, lots of it. Physical and emotional and sexual and psychological abuse, you name it. I have been thru. I always thought that all of this have in turn shape me to be more resilient, to be stronger in a way. 
I feel like the guy who walks along a quiet beach, and there's the most beautiful sunset that there can ever be; the sea frothes near my feet, and the sand feels like gentle rubs. But in my mind, it's all screams, and cries, and pain, and despair.
I don't know what I feel, or what to do, or how to live any more any longer. 
Sometimes I feel like death would just be a deliverance, and then I start thinking of how some people have it worse than me, and then I'm like, could it have been as bad as this.
There's this flicker of hope inside of me, and I still 'dream'. I want to be in love with someone, to have someone love me, to just hug someone, but then there's my mind which is so fucked up that I can't really trust anyone anymore, and there's my body, which I feel is failing me, because I'm this sickly guy.
I really don't know why I'm saying this here out of all places, but I have nobody else to share this with.
And I feel that I shouldn't share this kind of thing to anyone because it's going to be like as if I'm burdening him with some of the weight inside me. 
I feel like I walk with a cross I don't want anyone else to carry, but I still want to be happy.
I don't know. I don't know what I should do.",4.653956386292833,3.97132880373832,5.282383177570092,88.95360591900314,69.37383177570094,8.553894080996884,26.057632398753892,7.675431598112923,1.0184716510903424,1950,44,465,19,30,631,195,535,0.18,0.662,0.158,-0.9325,0,2,1,0,2,0,73.0,0,1,0,4,22,40,3,1,15,2,55,13,2,4,7,101,108,42,3,15,14,0,17,11,0,5,5,4,0,3,39,29,1,0,25,2,0,9,15,14,0,0,9,21,67,26,59,84,14,43,0,4,0,5,16,17,2,11,26,304,106,2,0.0,0.14842107866747226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973897984739705,0.0,0.0,0.20846459309251344,0.0,0.0,0.1277789275689154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423134393610155,0.13138454675904754,0.06417549485045895,0.05154209194022536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229641530842706,0.1145425300208305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957177729320836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053953275181972536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050007809644718605,0.0,0.06880003634163451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500375779611563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046446226710229,0.07045433676230976,0.05547475299019428,0.0,0.0,0.0413688827201943,0.0566556505159945,0.0,0.059849060883578574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433718136678963,0.2684726124340863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580745365201606,0.0,0.0,0.07119220321269512,0.05253406745335742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605124661544686,0.05538665969820285,0.06667460065106777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059258622106264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244185361881318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522322554547318,0.20653063460473486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847988652634138,0.33659558777255066,0.0,0.05530659040707708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649764398202674,0.11305848582582853,0.05926539898997104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264841031175227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046042881157834434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664653519429252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684446320937808,0.0,0.06543875048039949,0.0,0.0592089692479351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604986767970167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049808729328968335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920766354035093,0.048218382705753536,0.061946202934774215,0.0,0.0886647273953193,0.0,0.10003850089779756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050342491591842384,0.10948900291432273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322192252848487,0.08026612611282596,0.06153716518111733,0.09944811775794474,0.07304427749396393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812733921285766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165741658722565,0.09943122609966057,0.0,0.0762708155011307,0.0,0.0,0.056517055506328864,0.06992814488594344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045597985414321314,0.0,0.06382895945443999,0.044493091563264656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mobokun,2018/03/26,"My wife left. My wife has left me. She thinks i'm abusive and is scared to be around me. She has told me that she just wants me to be happy, and eventually i'll find it, but i don't feel like i'm able to go on.

She is the only reason i'm alive today. She stopped a previous suicide attempt while we were dating. She told me then, that she would always be there for me, and would help me through anything. 

Now she is gone. 


I work a deadend job, and graduated a year late from university, with a degree i don't want to pursue anymore. I moved country with my wife, so that she could follow her dream, and now i don't have any family or friends around me. 

It has been a week since she left, and i've been alone since. I called the samaritans the first night alone, to help myself get through this, but the longer i've been alone, the more difficult it has become. I was told it would get easier, and it hasn't. 

So i want to give up. I just can't quite do it. ",1.9904002463054198,3.1852741083743865,3.3088639162561577,93.93748306650248,76.38916256157636,6.651354679802957,21.061884236453203,7.1686216300943375,0.2438869458128079,736,17,177,8,16,240,104,203,0.139,0.752,0.109,-0.5378,1,3,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,0,4,9,5,0,1,10,0,26,0,0,1,0,29,43,14,1,7,5,3,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,1,4,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,9,1,33,3,16,27,1,23,0,0,0,0,23,7,0,1,13,116,43,3,0.11757475119387906,0.13930685419915406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653159506415033,0.0,0.0,0.09783161171024836,0.0,0.0,0.07995486262185161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660255990623168,0.0,0.0,0.09675400221451104,0.2093329117147066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985207531457865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200569666142006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387387168373433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083901154070004,0.0,0.05944932692962219,0.0839954257454533,0.0,0.0,0.10746119254499233,0.10000902330242402,0.0,0.0,0.09083796111561028,0.0,0.1228559095598083,0.11278841487258197,0.06682044061468598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516050893949895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761575471173894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667479847819782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262944054238626,0.0,0.38323593357368585,0.0,0.0,0.057441084503249286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249633534453655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033593926337908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942089640414583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505522045688106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088642627446672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771283702625568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451809834306213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982977566469392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860769465178554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533715310466144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144711647698616,0.3370431399630644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080459035327376,0.0,0.09431137340806504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559581917767224,0.0,0.0,0.2505651895911617,0.0,0.0,0.07571428492921937
suicidewatch,havocavic,2018/03/26,I need to talk to someone This may be my first and final post ,1.7185714285714262,2.2453080000000014,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,76.14285714285714,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.4106285714285711,48,1,12,0,1,16,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023886882506398,0.0,0.3900964211255484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400561099089281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392249743779553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38858174255351297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686161709599931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anathema655,2018/03/26,"... I'm still alive?
As one with fear",-4.122500000000001,-4.088108249999999,-2.2299999999999978,118.175,131.5,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-3.4762,26,0,8,0,2,8,8,8,0.271,0.508,0.22,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7319988171386366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407989274442983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5194940204387274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlbinoCz,2018/03/26,"Feeling weak, helpless and having suicidal thoughts. I've been diagnosed with depression, I'm taking SSRI antidepressants for 2 months now and it doesn't seem to help. I have issues with being absent from high school alot... My family doesn't understand me, they see it as some mild symptom of being a teenager or being lazy and always just tell me stuff that doesn't help at all,like ""well you will have to work your whole life,and you wont be able to just take a day off every week"" like thats gonna improve my mood.. I wish I could show them how im feeling. I dont want to do anything, but stay home and relax,be it watching videos or when i get myself to it - play games, because thats the only thing I seem to be able to do besides sleeping,which is also an issue because i often sleep alot but i fall asleep late in the morning and skip school because of that, being very tired and without any motivation. I just dont know what should i do, After (if) i finish school ill have to work my whole life and i wont be able to skip work like i do school now so what will i do? become homeless?,even though i shouldnt skip school - my psychiatrist said i should force myself to go to school,but when i try to do that the next week/day i just feel even worse than before..
I've also got antidepressants for sleeping,they help with falling asleep but i feel even more drowsy and sleepy in the morning,so that doesnt really work well. I'm just so tired of being a dissapointment to everyone,just because they cant understand my issues. I wish i had the strength and means to kill myself. It's becoming unbearable and i feel so guilty for being such a weak bitch.",5.347410714285715,5.379967014880954,5.676880952380955,84.28478571428575,67.83928571428571,8.505714285714287,27.21666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.4822338095238097,1311,35,274,15,20,419,164,336,0.177,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,3,3,6,22,13,2,0,12,0,37,11,3,2,0,50,62,26,2,8,12,0,5,2,0,8,8,1,1,0,15,13,0,0,13,4,0,3,11,6,2,0,5,8,38,6,32,39,6,20,0,2,2,0,12,5,1,9,13,176,53,11,0.23380339144684176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246483251128004,0.0648477170943184,0.0,0.0,0.05299810788125636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413342327357781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900325031218306,0.17214498456898716,0.06631648856259797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222432777173038,0.0,0.0,0.10052256360748618,0.0,0.06712483948589976,0.07910184026527264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826772223325999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442493499833798,0.0,0.0656631470505171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346967649570334,0.0,0.1970300328690147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071754071728658,0.0,0.044291951786836814,0.0,0.062331310162106725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567134849228436,0.08234203992017666,0.07817462159483292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841825945419986,0.2440299966423909,0.0,0.0,0.08622293726052196,0.0,0.04283074315075418,0.0,0.0879134697703178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009483317776206,0.07614968479697125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489347836616283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220654547946757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288418641512055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927267159321423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049926813146280835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413352190128628,0.0,0.0,0.4732430286230937,0.06210367745199929,0.14189721768795435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799074715333046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306776891707811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921631541177204,0.08524765413895175,0.0,0.0,0.08100374847765762,0.1171940354512973,0.0,0.06811815647538841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177619477833795,0.0,0.07657021500395501,0.06187125890551305,0.0,0.17914840306656274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291238517823989,0.0,0.0,0.1622650506770811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430409460520879,0.045967765970780256,0.0,0.12502865187699153,0.0,0.1401448850461536,0.0,0.0,0.174022091299955,0.17924157440976987,0.07512604202042504,0.0,0.2269488714110047,0.0,0.07942187675562433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadnotrad,2018/03/26,"Ruined my own life Most of my childhood I was unhappy, but never really processed how bad the situation was until I was 10. Before age 10, whenever I was frustrated I would cry. Which was a lot. 

My father would always call me a ""faker"" when I'd cry because I 'smile' when I cry. Completely would invalidate any feelings I actually had along with my mother.

It wasn't until age 10 that I started acknowledging my parents were indeed shitty. 

Description of my father:
1st he never actually wanted to be a Father. He's flat out stated to me that he wishes I had been aborted. (Me too, buddy)
Very absent as a father, despite having lived in the same house together my entire life.
Thinks that he's amazing, and that everyone else is beneath him. Has strong philosophical/and political views. Forces said opinions on others. Big hothead. Thinks he's right about every topic ever. 

Description of my mother:
Claims to be this positive, nice, wholesome person. Constantly involving herself in drama. Gossiping. Quick tempered. Belittles everything. Always points out flaws of others; excludes self of any wrongdoings. 

It's hard to know which one really fucked me up worse. I honestly hold a lot of resentment and don't know what to do. There are a lot of things they've said and done to me that I feel are unforgivable, and they have no remorse anyways.  They view me as the problem. They think their actions are ok. 

Can never just have a conversation with my mom. If I somehow upset her even by just disagreeing with something, I'm ""crazy"", and she goes off on me. If I  do something wrong even accidently,  she'll always bring it up and remind me. But if she does something wrong, I need to ""get over it"". 
Something about her, is that she has always  had a very bad memory. She never remembers things, and always gets things wrong. Everyone that knows her, is aware of this. The problem with this is that she is always so CERTAIN that she remembered things right. She basically creates her own memories. This is for even basic everyday things. Ex: She'll think something is on sale, it is not, then she insists it is. Makes a big scene, and flips out on me. Now for other situations it's very annoying. I can't say for sure that she's flat out lying, but at times it does appear that way. For example if her and I are 'arguing' she'll tell it all to my father and she'll add things that never happened/ never were said. Doesn't even explain what originally happened. Makes me sound horrible and portrays herself as a victim. 

My father would automatically take her side without even allowing me a chance to explain what happened. I'd get screamed at for things I never did/said. Me denying those things would have him brand me a liar. He'd call me every name in the book. Every. Single. Name. Constantly threatened to hit me, and would legit swing at me at times. It was rare that he *actually* hit me, but he always brought that tension. He was filled with rage. He has broken countless objects in my room over nothing.  (This happened mostly from ages 10-16) I would often attempt to defend myself during these ages. I'd tire myself out, stress myself out by trying to keep up with him and tell him that he's a terrible father, and that what my mother and I argue about  has nothing to do with him. Looking back wasn't a good idea to even acknowledge him, because there's no getting through to him. 

This kind of thing happened so often, pretty much daily during those times. Mainly revolved around school. My mom hated driving me to school. Everyday to wake me up she'd literally come in and legit kick my head. (I slept on my bedroom floor at this time) She'd always already be in a bad mood to wake me up everyday. ""Wake up dumbass"". Never a simple ""Time for school"" or ""Good morning"". I'm actually a light sleeper so you could literally just say my name once and I'd wake up.  

At age 13 I became actually depressed. This is a really heavy topic, but I legit remember my 1st time contemplating suicide. 
I completely hated myself just as much as my parents hated me, if not more. 

I lost all motivation. I really hated going to school. I didn't see a future for myself anymore. I started skipping it as much as possible, which in turn only made my homelife situation worse. It wasn't because my parents cared, it was because ""your loser ass isn't going to make us go to jail"". So in a way I am partly responsible for why things got more intense. I would downright refuse to go at times and an officer would come pick me up, forcing me to go. I never made a fuss to authority btw. I listened right away and was polite. 

I remember once I was not wanting to go to school and my father was screaming at me and I'll never forget he said, ""I can't wait until I can stomp on your head in hell."" and my father dragged me by my hair from my bedroom, all through the hallway, to the front door. 
Another time he poured an entire bucket of what I can best describe as ""sewage"" water onto my head. (Basically our sink is messed up and leaks out this horrid brown and black liquid that smells absolutely disgusting) 

At age 16 early September, after a particularly bad fight, my father threatened to kick me out if I got into another argument with either him or my mother. In this fight he told me I'm a failure and that I should drop out of school because I'll fail anyways. Well, even though I wanted out of this house so badly I had/have nowhere else to go. That seemed so scary. I decided I wouldn't ever talk to them again. I never officially dropped out, I just never went back. That was in 2014. I've never spoken to my father ever since. I didn't talk to my mother either for 4 months. Eventually I did talk to her and just completely sucked up to her essentially. I would blindly agree with her on anything she said, and do what she wanted me to. I was so lonely. I did that so I could at least go places (just stores...) 

Time passes and things only got worse. In 2016 in July (my birth month) I got a really bad infection in my arm. I didn't know it was an intection neccesarily at the time, since I've never had any issues like that. All I knew was that my arm was completly red and had an intense tightening feeling.  After a couple of days, it got increasingly worse. I remember showing it to my mom. Days passed.  On my literal 18th birthday I couldn't move my arm. Finally my mother decided to bring me to an urgent care center. Funnily enough, they actually rejected me because I didn't have an ID...on my 18th birthday. Went to another place and the guy prescribed me antibiotics sent me on my way. Thought all was merry.  Like 2 days afterwards it spread even further up my arm, right up to my shoulder. My skin looked so nasty and was incredibly painful. I asked my mom to make a doctor's appointment. She said she would. Later this day, she ended up yelling at me over leaving the garage door open. (It was an accident) She turned it into a fight and said ""You know what? You can deal with that!"" 'That' meaning my arm. I remember just going in my room and sobbing. 

The only person I have to thank is my brother. He's a year older than me. He is normally really quiet, and just goes with what they say. This is the 1st time he publically defended me. He said I need to see a doctor. I feared he would get yelled at too, but she actually listened to him.
Went to the family doctor. He suspected it was a brown recluse bite and said I needed to go to the hospital. Never have been to a hospital in my life btw. Ended up being in the hospital for 4 days. During that time at one point my mom yelled at me, at the fucking hospital, and left me there alone. My brother visited and stayed the night twice. No one else visited me. 

Somehow I still tried to suck up to my mom after this. It wasn't until an entire year later (July 2017) on my birthday-again! That was when my mom said really fucked up things to me that made me realize I really can't deal with her. She also laughed at my 1st panic attack I'd ever had. I haven't talked to her since. It's very interesting/unique how I live in this house but don't speak with either of my parents. Nobody knows this outside of this house.
Even my older half siblings have no idea. Obviously, I'm not close with them at all...

Anyways, at this point I'm 19 years old, birthday is in 4 months. I have nothing to my name. I don't even have an ID made, can't drive, no job, dropout. I've never been to a party, never had a boyfriend, hell never even had my first kiss. I have nothing going for me in life. I am the biggest failure to exist. I don't have a way to get out of this house. I'm stuck here. I actually haven't left my house at all since October. I don't want to live like this, and it's not possible to change my life. Meaning there isn't a chance for things to ""get better"". They'll only get worse.  

I do realize and accept that not everything is my parents fault btw. Ultimately I decided to not go to school, I was too weak and stupid to stay in school. I let them affect me, etc;
Even though I feel that they caused me a lot of pain, I don't blame them entirely for my problems. Nonetheless, I'm so unhappy and miserable.
I've decided that I need to die.  I've always contemplated it, daydreamed even, but never really acted on it. I only attempted once in 2016,  and it was a mediocre attempt tbh. I'm truly ready now. I actually feel relieved already? Just knowing it'll all be over soon.

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suicidewatch,Asteriskkq,2018/03/26,"My life hasn't started and I don't want it to either. (17, Male) I don't know where to start. I'm in my first class period right now and all I can think about is how much I want to kill myself. My whole entire in school since kindergarten has been trash. I got bullied for being overweight, my sexuality, and I was considered a terrible and problematic student by most teachers. I was always under performing in my classes. It's so hard to care about my classwork. As cheesy as it sounds, I love art. I want to create, not prepare for a standardized test. There hasn't really been a day where I felt like I was going to school to learn and not to help my school make money from students preparing for tests.

I'm a junior and I have no plans after highschool. Supposedly I'm supposed to be figuring myself out as they say, but I'm really tired of it. In this day and age it's hard to breath. People are so overly critical about controversial topics. I'm in a constant state of ""if I believe X I'm a terrible person, but I do kinda believe X. But I'm not a bad person"" and it makes me hard finding my Sense of identity. I'll have to get a job soon when I turn 18, but I feel as though I'm not ready for one. thinking about how behind I am currently makes me not want to live such a life where I'm unhappy. I think I'd rather be dead than trying to figure myself out, or take on new responsibilities and feel miserable. So many adults tell me I'm running out of time, and that life sucks. But if life sucks already, what am I gonna do then?

Interacting with people is becoming significantly harder. I'm a social person. However when I am talking to my friends, especially online, I feel so dead. I wish I could just exclude myself from the world. I do love the world though. For years I felt that if we could come together we could make something truly great. But that dream is a dim light now, and I don't think I want to live in this world anymore. Everything hurts. Relationships, Friendships, Responsibilities, Family.... I'm just not happy. I don't know why I'm so unhappy. I don't have a good reason to be unhappy. There's plenty of people who have had life much worse. They say you shouldn't compare your feelings to others and I try not to but god. Why am I so sad? Why does life suck so much? Why am I so unmotivated? I'm living for others and not myself. But to be truthful I don't want to live. If I told anyone I'd be hospitalized. With logical reasoning, all my solutions point to suicide, yet if I told someone I'd be considered Ill. i don't feel like I'm ill. But I also don't feel like living either. 

I'm considering killing myself after I give one of my closest friends their birthday gift I worked so hard on. Their birthday is next month. I know they'll love it, but I'm afraid of being too depressed to be happy for them.",2.23704862495018,4.137244212435235,4.159753886010364,85.0711892188123,77.5146804835924,7.14814667198087,23.39713697356184,8.07648339933343,1.2769494885080381,2225,71,461,39,52,756,251,579,0.225,0.669,0.106,-0.997,3,0,1,0,0,4,74.0,2,2,6,4,34,27,5,2,14,0,49,14,1,8,3,95,111,50,5,17,29,0,12,3,2,3,10,3,0,5,16,21,1,0,22,2,1,3,20,13,0,3,11,16,70,14,66,85,9,49,0,4,0,3,32,22,3,8,26,295,86,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304304220190197,0.052932649030753114,0.05507593377276157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564335141641486,0.0462820503550568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055266438551539385,0.0,0.07310238659323041,0.0,0.14914842088279304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748579197815045,0.0,0.0,0.05701739497655953,0.0,0.07152859169280426,0.0,0.15854357449897147,0.0,0.0,0.08537500322273009,0.0,0.05700992077570876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792389496181821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948789961774975,0.0,0.062398665956092676,0.0,0.20080792714578968,0.09457324528748183,0.12710683250865815,0.0,0.060497066544084974,0.05630174386165075,0.0,0.0,0.10227748358625796,0.0,0.03458188933117399,0.06349611500069309,0.037617678965169016,0.05551758746082836,0.0529387195768905,0.07297543927769427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092238246535738,0.23717533035877905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436620595476813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085847338623175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656840193225844,0.0,0.14646032258457248,0.0,0.10912997151980436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805145352458174,0.09701224309703836,0.0,0.2922378390756872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792189719727227,0.0,0.17673112526989032,0.06710694292168339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283275545500448,0.0,0.14597325919403378,0.0,0.0,0.0639273544759685,0.07039452067632397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970501211886121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766481396084645,0.17338540067653693,0.0,0.0,0.06257157094501074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848068668425191,0.13611005054761666,0.0,0.07106400055376405,0.0,0.056526464268640185,0.0,0.10527494332278282,0.0,0.2009654531473879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054753600163901545,0.0,0.0,0.06747304501502642,0.05608313369150508,0.05095680591386005,0.0,0.0,0.09370018345201543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240184179207672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976714080536103,0.053201547404026606,0.05785355665342001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169649215932771,0.13006398002847894,0.0,0.03859630769961437,0.07607642971023322,0.0,0.12649602945755406,0.0,0.08987823018031632,0.07199643386801234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342458067357605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389071110769723,0.07389951107680186,0.07611599547259101,0.0,0.0,0.04818759075764985,0.0,0.06745394009690503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042624616619464865
suicidewatch,chloerattlehead,2018/03/26,"I don’t have the guts to do it I’ve wanted to die for a long time. I was very young; 10 I believe. I remember being that young and telling myself I wanted to die. I wanted to let go. Anyway, I only had the guts to attempt suicide once: and the gun was pried out of my hands by my dad. Ironically, my dad has been a big factor in my issues. I was angry he took that away from me. He wanted me to suffer. I never had the guts to try anything risky again. I find myself constantly wanting a way out of life, but not by my own hands. I’m not putting myself in harms way, but I feel like if harm found me, would I avoid it? I don’t find myself scared of death. I’m constantly hoping I’ll get hit by a truck when I go get the mail, I’m hoping someone would neglect to notice a stop sign and hit me while driving, a texting driver would drift too far over the line and hit me in the oncoming lane, etc. etc. I don’t know what to consider this. Is this truly suicidal thoughts? My therapist asks me if I’m suicidal and all I can reply with is “not actively”. I know, I think, people and loved ones would miss me. I feel like I am loved - I would hope I am. I don’t want to take my own life because I don’t want to hurt them. But if my life were taken by an outside force, it wouldn’t hurt as bad. Maybe. At least they could have some sort of closure if it was all an accident. Most of my family doesn’t believe in mental illnesses and I feel alone in my internal fight. It’s odd. I know I’m loved, but I also know that almost none of them understand it. 

Basically, I guess my question is, does anyone else feel like this? I don’t want to go out of my way to die, but if I saw death in the face, would I run? 

20/F upstate SC 

Please let me know if this doesn’t meet rules standards. ",0.8779665181999691,2.39008486684073,3.0063684533865778,93.57208070956844,80.22715404699737,6.176900629703579,20.1419904776532,7.048011613610866,0.2104692673936417,1356,34,323,16,34,461,178,383,0.235,0.653,0.112,-0.9953,0,2,0,1,3,1,49.0,0,0,3,1,5,20,1,2,16,0,37,13,6,0,3,74,84,22,8,25,14,2,6,3,0,7,4,0,0,0,14,11,0,3,17,0,0,8,14,11,0,1,13,7,58,9,40,57,10,36,0,5,1,3,16,14,0,15,14,204,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761819315308985,0.0787946956243377,0.0,0.06084019118212065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319606789877918,0.07795172413458157,0.06260637244178496,0.0,0.07112341081575152,0.0,0.07147853967326792,0.0,0.06352262259682226,0.0463769321019213,0.0,0.0,0.17142951670052514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442831686166764,0.0,0.060742733516637525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368733583079363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657707309231099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355407759322186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969595148436098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071720324521683,0.0,0.15387091460744373,0.16305213595094434,0.0,0.0,0.13906929510976102,0.0,0.0,0.08341648053573943,0.0,0.0,0.07949606894320323,0.0,0.12971201075193722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380937857997267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266902522395511,0.0,0.0,0.16288786397925764,0.0,0.0,0.0794065043203733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905460217022934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559146089685608,0.16121012518950095,0.1115047806052756,0.0,0.0,0.06732734649457581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059922697605531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643138318599131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666953938456411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867666289578609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661622133361918,0.0,0.08102144213100088,0.05155296577104178,0.05786135783762539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274346270712741,0.0,0.0,0.0835116795340614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648021000766715,0.08522567068528497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618245299455232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616815374423465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446132280100349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360528579671756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496535868066074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057201791647090064,0.0,0.06649622703210557,0.0,0.0,0.08833335392488374,0.0,0.048748224962489685,0.0,0.06039807140743264,0.04436216177286384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845263493095102,0.0516525132164096,0.0,0.0,0.07920071686832725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277297999846637,0.3589859926119525,0.1811634376644433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32426519258007536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,insilenceweyearn,2018/03/26,"If they find my suicide letter... I have been writing a suicide letter to my family, not sure if I will do it but I thought it would be better to have one just in case I change my mind. I started writing it at home last week and it is kinda finished but the problem is that I forgot it at home and went to my student flat. I dont know if they will find it, probably not but it wont let me sleep. What will happen if they find it and call the police ??",0.595566893424035,2.181472275510206,2.7444217687074857,94.78073696145128,81.34693877551021,5.171882086167801,21.092970521541947,5.82211442006289,-0.03876553287981821,345,10,81,2,9,117,56,98,0.11,0.851,0.039,-0.722,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,14,1,1,0,1,26,20,10,2,6,10,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,0,15,2,6,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,5,4,62,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415779997327392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798396083796672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439061178183302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204283091408286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643183802300522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779323322483513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413652817921394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496824215991053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957929675788476,0.14208109467878632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823773806593302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599743900993212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811296014133155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792928622498825,0.1667854706458866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442996697986388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337332967124573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813207602008009,0.0,0.16427953886637445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837797484711478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981622445265438,0.0,0.0,0.16158163460530378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382062212977278,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imadoitsoon,2018/03/26,"First n last post Ive been on the sub .. got enough will from it to want to go through with the plan.Notes ready, ropes ready..just wanna say thanks for the insight. To all who’s having issues it’s up to you to find your way out.whatever way u feel let it bring peace ..you gotta do for yourself!",0.1904761904761898,2.284512174603176,1.218412698412699,102.35714285714286,85.98412698412699,4.234920634920635,15.349206349206348,5.288315135182226,-1.1981365079365085,229,4,57,1,7,71,49,63,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.8588,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,13,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,1,13,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994076930745609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651535313692474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648426044063318,0.24647642156453786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646817711664855,0.0,0.2317538546511719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024423959927618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361995074152813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963073027355628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751754203254364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23043505876452144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26677934412099785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091261078461548,0.4600085313956809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crapkiddo,2018/03/26,"Why are we so broken/dysfunctional? I've noticed that some of us have issues, like, family, self-esteem, mental issues, and i was interested to se what you guys think about it. Who did this to us? What they were thinking about? Why? When did we turned into what we are now? 
HOW CAN WE GO FOWARD?",0.6289655172413795,3.1307121551724144,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,91.24137931034485,4.968965517241379,14.14655172413793,6.6274283507984215,-0.4172827586206895,227,4,47,3,8,74,45,58,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,6,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,12,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,9,2,6,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,3,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072035131994592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121006332780299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082251563303786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444626136474184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402108879739726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457148978955867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424088079918557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221201422307537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27285879995527595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315938855157473,0.0,0.0,0.5122288124550741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842511577246387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,panickingpup,2018/03/26,"I'm only 19, and I just don't have the will to go on any more My parents were abusive emotionally, mentally and physically. I dealt with their abuse for 18 years. Throughout my life, so many traumatic things have happened to me. I'm haunted by words and memories that I can't shake no matter what I do. Music was my escape but now all it tells me is how much of a failure I am. I'm sick. I have chronic pain, heart issues, breathing issues, and such bad memory loss that I can't even remember what I say halfway through a sentence most of the time. I get lost in conversations and I don't really know what to do. I've honestly just lost the will to live, to keep fighting. I've fought my whole life, to exist, to get better, to have my emotions accepted. It doesn't feel worth it to me anymore. My husband tries to understand and help but I just feel like I'm ruining his life and that one day he'll realize how horrible I am. Fuck, he already is. I'm selfish and I know it. I know people care about me. I just can't go on like this anymore, and its not in my power to change these things. I can't change my living situation, my health issues, my past, my emotions - everything is out of my control. I don't have any choices left. I physically feel the urge to put a noose around my neck, to the point where I think it would make me feel better. It would feel like relief to a never ending nightmare. I'm not scared of the void, of death. I'm scared to keep on living. ",2.109640688259109,3.75682942763158,3.836447368421055,88.38243927125508,77.09210526315789,7.045344129554657,24.19230769230769,7.882392219407189,1.1792959514170036,1142,38,248,18,26,383,153,304,0.197,0.6629999999999999,0.14,-0.9706,2,0,0,0,3,0,40.0,0,0,1,7,13,22,3,3,10,0,26,11,3,4,2,46,57,14,1,2,8,2,5,3,0,5,7,1,0,0,17,12,0,3,13,0,1,4,12,13,0,1,5,6,39,9,32,47,5,21,0,4,0,1,12,10,1,1,10,156,56,0,0.0,0.22098210490040096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290839799041032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683219315210448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849663411968042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301606500551964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786341426269723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495163456119974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507893606606528,0.0,0.19730129008344732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459258537883286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014128481801169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146954821419653,0.0825955975705329,0.0,0.0,0.061593561123268276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381091839733862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576078641900344,0.13324172805381113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862120633434889,0.0974430068428916,0.0,0.10599709326790054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246443667838302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912492066413088,0.0,0.11050675050188168,0.06250636668579097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919996666522636,0.0,0.16577734722556955,0.0,0.0,0.15375031218989585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132102946577727,0.0,0.19760473116233288,0.13667796714951858,0.0,0.2470356678326457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359608781579186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224794459647162,0.0945451857141366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939783633355392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855261318193832,0.0,0.07192343646774718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319150195952525,0.07092406911012153,0.0992291106073272,0.0,0.10354782301838657,0.0,0.08902174584852851,0.0646507640668417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815542085303081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374629118387456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974106870594195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563890099880653,0.0,0.0,0.07415953278570264,0.18672757093970613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482169866553474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150833609578036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390797708326545,0.059753566204544174,0.0,0.0,0.054377310610001235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331352311766703,0.0,0.0,0.097080976435152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411505419184518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249030549366708,0.0,0.0,0.060052687826717174
suicidewatch,Thatotherguy681,2018/03/26,"Is it safe to bring up suicidal ideations in a counseling session? I have a session today and I have posted a similar thread before asking the same question. I lied to my counselor on the first go around regarding thoughts of killing myself, but I do not know if I will get the appropriate help if I do not come clean regarding all aspects of my life. I caved and bought a pack of smokes last night (2 years without one) and think about blowing my brains out every day (I do not have a gun for that reason). Recently got put on meds and am trying meditation. I want/need to avoid being hospitalized, but I also want/need professional help. Any personal experiences with similar situations?",5.745038759689923,7.112938852713183,6.465116279069767,74.24015503875972,67.44961240310079,10.074418604651164,32.93798449612403,10.25414643259724,3.55037054263566,548,24,98,14,9,180,90,129,0.103,0.807,0.09,-0.1761,0,1,1,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,8,0,10,2,1,1,1,25,20,9,2,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,8,0,2,5,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,3,0,14,1,16,15,2,18,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,7,66,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562746324506226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383608043752095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211001084403182,0.17024144226354973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495598503953872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328683796512026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568653514101292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744117639608248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342937861380568,0.0,0.0,0.17813138318131208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489646343000718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951411446382452,0.0,0.1034931608596042,0.0,0.1456441644351725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441192022431051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146965657861896,0.0,0.10007888141779182,0.1484380052676031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286245222914701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227504737233973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708910477951968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339750224523635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900505344431867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744040485810677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830635104108491,0.2039966999463415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872319045650888,0.17980444702761772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469106438892104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919079712645274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668405705262196,0.0,0.14456920257908962,0.0,0.0,0.1726120667087729,0.0,0.0,0.1236357796348988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481778093077605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755405042655155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726816820521548
suicidewatch,GarAndKurt,2018/03/26,Im so tired I wanted to marry her. I was saving up for a ring and proposal. Now I'm stuck seeing her at work with some other guy and all i want is to punch him in his fucking face. ,-0.7042857142857137,0.7008702380952414,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,84.71428571428572,5.152380952380953,15.261904761904766,5.985473137389443,-0.7660666666666662,138,2,35,1,4,50,35,42,0.131,0.836,0.033,-0.5984,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,8,8,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,7,1,7,6,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,1,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35247034479265466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775090749092335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411828115414546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30381625304515697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382042963621183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497561172248918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756309518953803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IwantToDIEm8,2018/03/26,"I don't fit. I have tried so hard, but I can't seem to fit in. 
I have average social skills but no one wants to talk with me out of school, I have a girl sitting behind me who's so like me, selfish but caring for the ones she loves, kind of a jerk sometimes but I like the way she is, you probably don't know how it feels to want so hard to know her better ,talk to her for hours but... there's always a fucking but,she kinda has a boyfriend I'm cool with him but I thin I should stay away.Back to the main point, we have this week off so I thought someone would invite me somewhere but since no one remembers me I haven't been invited anywhere as usual.when I see other peoples lives I think for myself, why can't I be happy like that or why can't I have a relationship like that and this keeps me thinking from 6 pm to 4 am awake,  I no longer find my hobbies enjoyable nor have a normal diet I usually eat a lot or not eat at all.
all my ""friends"" get together to do stuff and I get to stay at home playing videogames and thinking why I wasn't invited to thr\e movies or the mall.I don't feel accepted even though this in my second year at this school. 
no one wants to talk to me.i want people to notice my pain but I don't want to go around telling everyone my life story. 
I just want to give up.
I am tired.
I want to die.
",0.9927150897882626,2.620719519163764,2.652979094076656,95.70273854194588,80.28919860627178,5.948485660680783,21.14299115518628,6.8449194561589275,0.2085750201018497,1030,29,247,11,26,339,153,287,0.153,0.687,0.16,0.2804,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,1,0,2,10,18,2,0,11,1,24,8,0,1,2,49,50,22,1,10,13,0,5,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,10,8,3,1,12,1,0,1,15,4,0,5,3,7,41,14,35,44,4,22,0,0,1,2,18,13,1,6,8,159,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928829570991837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482764167788524,0.0,0.0,0.08952739415930823,0.07327155716881001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427560466644969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971537487255086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889520505973012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500939883979665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293765588964173,0.0,0.0,0.09105296908031156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963622234357552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709265505185654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362024397545615,0.08809338309550539,0.09956940825772627,0.09141013865289754,0.054155080983596456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143718651380773,0.1707209160190834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955828946916799,0.0,0.09384072408615954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469747035002187,0.0,0.0992290981885672,0.10473696779404734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730562061603661,0.18621407188837896,0.0,0.08414216015968895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101151915720499,0.08600227524197096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933632405327934,0.0,0.1084874512458024,0.0,0.0,0.2582818679711492,0.0,0.10139448838069996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212314623919866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007914855500396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273793628276323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230500155447708,0.10794415322596344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928756316975151,0.07593320109211575,0.08674776122105707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882425850263315,0.0,0.0,0.09713539797024497,0.08073827866119856,0.0,0.09424351221541576,0.0,0.0,0.20313133972876626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908340209153948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976968707602144,0.08328701110602847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317252579863366,0.09362121169162227,0.07564902654799929,0.0,0.10952098388939112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469515089679169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098953095603228,0.0,0.3934285105642392,0.0756361772600008,0.07643529461350844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795120081524897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769075455132137,0.0,0.0,0.061363157654123486
suicidewatch,Future-Scone,2018/03/26,"How should I prepare for afterwards? I'm not 100% committed to the idea of ending things. But after two failed attempts in December, I think I might be ready to go through with it on my birthday at the end of April. I chose that date because usually people grieve their loved ones on the anniversary of their death and on their birthdays. So one less grieving day for the people in my life. 

But it's coming up quick. I own nothing but my car. There's pretty much nothing in my bank account. Do I need to make a will for just my car? Or should I just put who gets what in a letter? 

Any other preparations I should be making?",2.6773381818181794,4.597492471999999,3.4738181818181815,90.3969090909091,76.28,6.465454545454546,24.163636363636364,7.348242739294969,0.9718000000000004,489,16,101,6,11,155,85,125,0.08800000000000001,0.843,0.069,0.3648,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,2,6,4,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,3,1,21,17,7,3,4,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,3,0,3,0,0,16,1,21,10,3,23,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,2,9,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650383575801375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236364009893624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729118209277849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945476792675925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35557583937957626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487356459962294,0.0,0.11407994650787352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22660065411657945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417821090856168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116739520953254,0.0,0.267978751901909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129436706872764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756024346827576,0.14883935391444264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38521325639974496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720407868194973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783229418488953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042154002003336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178990864472351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335663235435544,0.12862019940566422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960848363484284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107663077955747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaylifehowemo,2018/03/26,"Fired again, I’m broke. I feel mediocrity in everything I do. The girl I love is pushing back against a “codependent” relationship. It’s likely why my last relationship failed too.

I have a belt hanging from my door now.  I feel like I’d be too much of a pussy to even do it. Like if I go to sleep tonight and don’t kill myself, I’ll feel shame for not having the courage to go through with it. 

",2.0034843205574937,3.6153355853658553,3.0810104529616744,93.8376829268293,77.29268292682926,6.636933797909408,25.12891986062717,7.447530270364453,0.8961895470383268,306,11,72,4,7,98,58,82,0.242,0.654,0.104,-0.9048,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,1,5,0,7,2,1,0,0,7,14,2,1,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,0,4,9,5,10,13,1,10,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,8,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247926842229265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567431872165075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328187936480228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35997818353150657,0.16953665890167088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697412185868845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625519900175829,0.0,0.0,0.19344200183337007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34781785307743035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141845059011237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445257079149734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095713141892729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23748467076916066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413832885145528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuccpremeMemes,2018/03/26,"my pledge Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Suicide Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.",0.5109195402298816,2.495143080459769,1.3363218390804619,102.69919540229887,83.71264367816093,3.866666666666666,15.413793103448276,3.1291,-1.4074689655172419,316,5,77,0,9,97,53,87,0.244,0.655,0.101,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,8,0,7,2,1,0,1,10,10,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,12,3,8,6,1,14,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,0,7,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263179020327473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726713816546452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327000477761661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855733708769172,0.0,0.0,0.2319946558813621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7396605381401549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516219039199236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28738305116230034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753962631698727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadCarbonara,2018/03/26,"Failed a spontaneous attempt 2 days ago. Wanting to try again My insides are still burning from the Lithium and Seroquel overdose I took on Friday night. I survived and was discharged from the hospital really quickly. I have all my resources lined up - GP, clinical psychologist and psychiatrist. Appointments scheduled during the week. The thought of suicide keeps going through my head. 

It's fucked up but I feel so guilty about putting my friends and family through this attempt that I want to try again. I'm so selfish. 

I will do it during the day tomorrow when my fiancé is at work so no one finds me this time. ",3.3865178571428567,6.487627473214289,3.544285714285717,83.90071428571429,82.30357142857143,6.414285714285715,32.10714285714286,7.7094869923839395,2.7209035714285714,495,27,83,9,14,152,83,112,0.17800000000000002,0.759,0.063,-0.9438,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,5,9,4,1,0,6,0,6,3,1,0,1,12,15,9,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,3,1,12,1,12,11,1,20,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,13,57,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200891308432964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29393774338018724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483247284006934,0.0,0.11522699215229575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828545299960835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760656608440679,0.21067873282069893,0.0,0.0,0.12951397070376047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23387877702794166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255727614769908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385739863242484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442276917589812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909032758639555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599085283663754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199160708394907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492724238898346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091757283260765,0.13288329323320652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531918917463293,0.30944191110933483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688284284200937,0.0,0.1827979633214059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659051379392572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,80Trappedin20ishbod,2018/03/26,"I'm so miserable, needed to throw these things out of my mind and into the world. Severely unhappy with my life, I've been living a sham for about 5 years now.  My mental health is at an all time low. I have thought of the ways I would do it, so many times, and the ways I should disappear. The only thing that stops me is how it would affect my family, especially my little brother. I don't want to scar him, he's about to  nine. What's the likelihood of him remembering what I did and will he only remember the negative things about me or the positive ones too. 
I also don't want to hurt my parents and my extended family, in particular my dads side, two of his brothers killed themselves. It makes me wonder what their minds were going through moments before. My grandmother suffered after their deaths for the rest of her life, among other health related issues, will that happen to my mother.
But I can't take it anymore, I'm exhausted.  I am alone with my thoughts so many times in the day that I just can't bear it anymore; my will to live is minuscule . There are people who are suffering all over the world for more difficult things and I feel I'm being pathetic. Wanting death because I'm so unhappy and miserable. I just want to drown in water already not in my thoughts anymore. ",4.96287607533132,5.869965003952572,5.791983259707049,80.04403627063476,68.9209486166008,9.589304812834227,29.506858870030232,9.773937934552695,2.7100883050453377,1018,37,198,23,17,334,143,253,0.201,0.764,0.035,-0.9927,1,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,2,0,14,9,1,2,12,0,22,6,0,3,2,38,40,14,4,8,5,5,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,18,10,1,1,7,0,0,3,6,9,0,3,6,1,33,0,31,27,4,28,0,6,0,0,14,14,0,2,9,144,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360630784354935,0.12104622715948303,0.08771947697658859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32635059223426843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686632879869753,0.0,0.09333856169139376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074131718990125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681293840122164,0.0,0.055462827651504995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233965585173541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699897316135994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331918074362452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174259807248369,0.0,0.0,0.11448841451979765,0.0,0.0,0.12135631911674187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495533013281246,0.0,0.10993872750252894,0.19371749470988467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321928034034278,0.22241796102695816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054225445672737,0.0,0.2215123314980008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133413789408303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432914174268268,0.1668491813734902,0.0,0.0,0.12179835224061668,0.0,0.0,0.0760456019731093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485159745343868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391907640094885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170619445183713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824736271848059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914940555636797,0.0,0.0,0.2612460841088683,0.19188428994006929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715170886638893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25879326561925786,0.17413447361504333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895470038251152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558420102576099,0.0,0.0,0.07063710478602259
suicidewatch,AllTheJokes,2018/03/26,"Need some advice. Please I have a very dear friend of mine who suffers from what i could describe as chronic depression. They sometimes get the familiar depressed feeling but they have no idea whats causing it. I really need some advice. How can i help them? And what can i do to best help when they have one of their depressing episodes?

What i have been doing is trying to get them to find a way to describe whats causing their distress, talking to them and just being there for them, and reassuring that im there for them,",5.157478991596637,6.264556372549023,5.01638655462185,85.0508823529412,68.60784313725489,7.789355742296919,30.257703081232492,7.957251820313856,1.9476173669467791,418,16,81,5,7,129,63,102,0.147,0.6509999999999999,0.202,0.7612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,10,1,5,9,0,1,3,0,12,1,0,3,0,16,17,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,17,4,11,14,3,2,0,4,0,0,16,0,0,2,1,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35020496609203344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880489453426002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681551672554116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306870682409922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630084883963633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060389406371824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637764968614959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844181979765965,0.0,0.18723885348670274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021468164948576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228380163344692,0.19355604744183305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657343639175017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142384312997385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196696910131221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479376071189976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722358186662454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402620753673895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165830943486143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785059137017206,0.0,0.14223275361466903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,normalweirdo95,2018/03/26,I know i have several issues And need help but im scared if i go to a psychologist or therapist that i would end up with a label and i feel like that may ruin anything with my future. And ive had help before but i wasnt completely honest. I have sincere problems that its too the point where im actually realizes it and freaking out.,2.2340476190476197,3.9225793571428578,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,76.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.06452380952381,265,10,54,6,6,94,50,70,0.25,0.594,0.156,-0.8619,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,18,11,8,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,9,3,5,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,3,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2186950635980321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844200883521456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906976433761804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349708076652957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849133907156566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331469369638328,0.1601013237964986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736456663124462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004269667851475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4841457302823979,0.23390837020808475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316276027174695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948683916605492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617171018465612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118525447629691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144391123603287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436913520573676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25317591583578786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602042619609722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919842536995588,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beautyandfitnessgeek,2018/03/26,There is so much pain I don't want to die but I don't want to live anymore,-3.8854385964912272,-2.52346094736842,-0.6989473684210523,111.35403508771928,105.84210526315788,2.533333333333333,11.596491228070176,3.1291,-2.231329824561404,58,1,18,0,3,20,14,19,0.266,0.618,0.116,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081306839124488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42710683609530253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633916506500345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025244995483908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379006960309837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854662822856353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,secretalt_acc,2018/03/26,"I don't know if this is the right place to write this Okay. I am always told that I lack affective empathy and that I am very apathetic. With a little research I found out what it means and I agree with other people's statements. I have always been like this since childhood and alongside this weird trait of mine, I always had the underlying thought of committing suicide. Just to make it clear, I don't want to die nor do I want to commit suicide. The thought of killing myself would always be in the back of my mind. It would pop up randomly and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on other things because this voice would just tell me to kill myself. So, I did. I was 9 and I was so done with the voices and was a little curious as to what would happen, so, I tried to commit suicide. My mom found me and rushed me to the emergency room. I got through that incident and recovered. The voices and thoughts of killing myself stopped for a little while but it soon came back and I learned how to ignore  it and cope with it over the years. However, the thoughts and voices intensified once I got into high school. The thoughts only used to pop up and take all my concentration away probably once every 1-2 weeks but now, it would happen once every 2-3 days. I don't want to tell my mom because she thinks that my ""suicidal thoughts"" went away along with my lack of empathy and apathy. I have worked so hard on being normal and pretending to relate, have interests and share other people's feelings. I just want to know if any of you guys have any idea on how to stop the ""suicidal thoughts"" so I can go back on focusing on my studies.",4.308107890499199,5.436791512345681,4.945271068169621,84.69785024154592,70.60493827160494,8.3508319914117,27.66720343531938,8.716276077567194,1.9214193773483617,1286,44,261,22,23,413,154,324,0.168,0.767,0.065,-0.9876,1,0,0,0,0,9,31.0,0,1,0,1,15,9,3,0,14,1,28,0,0,5,5,78,57,30,9,15,7,2,2,1,0,6,0,4,1,1,22,25,0,3,17,1,0,4,5,5,0,0,21,6,38,4,45,27,3,37,0,0,0,0,10,21,0,3,13,187,60,4,0.0733831874238389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442427621648461,0.0,0.0,0.09980616772986348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789184042301858,0.16928142436530125,0.0,0.08946741987090358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393081690867946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732608504874986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616016283480856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509647883307044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365700079101093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03710474447956693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092175463100275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041705356529185465,0.0,0.11738247732918672,0.0,0.0,0.07266089283789211,0.1297850205744051,0.0,0.06573692200480356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753336652985285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284068636924137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435628727821617,0.0,0.08065896134399009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03585131864731478,0.22064769676124046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048983847435201504,0.0,0.0,0.07993580412312569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409610010285342,0.1718910043973288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189994294939124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344520989147125,0.0,0.05581122080890046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174932470939407,0.0,0.07666981204264232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791194876625375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626688411010344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426770341432264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070333095793438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227032611358956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40134648234199904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517502429236944,0.0,0.12828028060669955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875252897743995,0.047020983417957095,0.0,0.4078063768306496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012078035088751,0.0,0.04982236726185329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337951257554082,0.0,0.060548814933771324,0.1731332209416245,0.0,0.05886356654577377,0.0,0.0,0.06802694993659324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342383443409874,0.0,0.0,0.26064655439695,0.0,0.0,0.04725636673864466
suicidewatch,inconvenient_usernam,2018/03/26,"Cold Turkey? Are there any serious health consequences to going complete cold turkey on masturbation? I’ve been doing 2-5 times a day for a few weeks now, and I’ve never been more depressed and suicidal. This is absolutely one of my biggest problems and I just found a sliver of strength thanks to an earlier post on here. I also recently watched “The Fighter”. Great movie. Inspirational. Thanks everyone. Have a good week this week. ",3.856794871794868,6.943077756410258,4.582307692307693,77.64602564102569,79.12820512820512,8.082051282051282,29.179487179487186,8.841846274778883,3.0776564102564103,347,16,57,9,9,111,60,78,0.096,0.638,0.266,0.9373,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,8,10,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,3,3,6,7,7,2,13,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,8,36,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522653693734538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050239057006916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166274336347729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324683708263765,0.0,0.1779535306341867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742541953127252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653801598296186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742164688233568,0.1732952890746029,0.0,0.22778907411812574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961755879560368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935094254207166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000478692943244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787597979654714,0.0,0.0,0.19769857814723646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400318350882865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259986191176686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38043882718759625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047638605939515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971920276237747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-18493,2018/03/26,"I was assaulted and don’t know how to cope A month ago I was on the bus and I was groped by this dude on the bus. I’m not sure why but I didn’t yell and I didn’t cry. I could have. I really could have and there was enough people to take him down but I didn’t. I week goes by and I tell someone, they advice me to tell the police. I said if he does it again I will. Over the next few weeks I see this man and he just grins at me and stares at me. Eventually, one day, everything happened. I’m almost in a haze thinking about it.

A few weeks ago I was getting off the bus and this man got off with me. Not to unusual, he got off every once in a while on the same street as me so I decided to just pay him no mind. I get to my house and he walks past my driveway, I got up to my house and enter. I had headphones in so that’s probably why I couldn’t hear him enter the house or push me. For a 15 year old I’m not that strong so it was very easy for him to grapple me and overtake me. He raped me for a few hours until my parents got home and called the cops. Nobody’s taking me seriously though. They say because I’m a boy I should’ve enjoyed it. And it should’ve been easier because I’m Bi so the whole gay thing shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m fed up with everything. People at school found out and the teachers are doing shit to get the kids to shut up. I can’t sleep in my own bed anymore. I can’t do anything. I have a gun sitting on my lap right now. 

Edit: spelling. Also, sorry for the grammatical errors, I’m not in the best place and grammar/spelling isn’t my top priority.",-0.2453746031746036,1.533816522857144,2.1593809523809533,96.8972301587302,85.2,5.260317460317459,18.29365079365079,6.42735559955562,-0.295844444444445,1213,30,302,12,36,414,171,350,0.132,0.818,0.05,-0.9796,1,0,0,1,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,4,14,10,3,0,22,0,27,6,2,1,1,42,51,29,0,6,10,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,4,11,18,1,0,4,0,1,4,14,5,0,1,18,6,46,5,42,27,8,47,0,0,2,3,22,26,1,3,16,194,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020578987469139,0.1851601328270948,0.0,0.10458192155933127,0.0,0.0,0.08352090809462596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357676067729604,0.0,0.0,0.08594550702833581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733173280801854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960370115479992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664527184172563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166774238045141,0.0,0.11472281749462605,0.06735538394839506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139645183406676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079147975444986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799549717250006,0.0,0.18772849980849413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451345022153832,0.0,0.0,0.1636973127241058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341219465407693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235625429966056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117711862030104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104762184002803,0.0,0.102852704298003,0.3615304154628163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739768358831024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545497829295393,0.0,0.08336328888772593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107349432590548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959257585472966,0.11122556143291708,0.07077148234593199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596864612268967,0.0,0.09970012927938504,0.14481157326306654,0.0,0.10911793405399947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260435896654188,0.0999353074992728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066907160902074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919148604016286,0.09934668699070122,0.08305515619311526,0.0,0.10569920738815414,0.0832254349525001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720651577351634,0.0,0.0,0.10451577298499301,0.0,0.08849196744310706,0.0,0.0,0.1169124182740621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843379143802394,0.0,0.15705228698914903,0.0,0.18257093407096314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938552606555537,0.06692115750722294,0.1026121110627637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861742244955082,0.0,0.0,0.2513272408553405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848233777058432,0.1166039181091698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725615952405209
suicidewatch,strangegurl44,2018/03/26,"I'm at a bit of a low point atm. My mom had a heart attack, the sack around her heart is inflamed, and doctors found a lump in her breast. I get treated like shit  by a friend, and I don't talk to anyone at school much. One of my friends accused my brother of raping her, and we asked her again later what happened and she admitted she lied and because of it her dad hates me. Another friend wants to die. My mom wants to die. I might lose my job because of poor memory. I don't know what to do. My family I am afraid of. I want to die. I feel invalid, worthless, stressed, and everything else, I started smoking and losing weight the unhealthy way, by joining the pro ana community. I don't know how much else I can handle",1.9395611770779555,3.6376001476510074,3.2934228187919463,91.86462570986065,77.72483221476509,6.195353639648943,24.88435725348477,7.010146845296331,0.8621074858027882,558,20,123,6,13,182,90,149,0.301,0.614,0.084,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,2,3,15,4,2,8,0,9,9,4,1,0,19,23,8,3,3,0,4,2,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,5,0,2,0,3,10,0,1,2,2,25,5,17,20,3,10,0,4,0,2,18,6,1,1,4,74,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078855311446924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721296431523466,0.0,0.0,0.11103467788598934,0.11660417272296672,0.14189650761265138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206649228853045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361710568331547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883450142339175,0.0,0.0,0.12766475422336596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838906784508845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209780091309664,0.0,0.11758279042519487,0.0,0.06306640281357845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367582008901238,0.28909444777717325,0.0,0.06516541633431637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102968704072522,0.0,0.0,0.12314342574121875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956073970836368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377364419499705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709488147657778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093597287685459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27907824488054817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231707160017542,0.0,0.292160678517063,0.0,0.0,0.18337938138583787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451915981251623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790860910679506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623175190295002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803186169415742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828337004346548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287590665182576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025192530727378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220704042140682,0.09900356077895328,0.0,0.15188553162480414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,servle,2018/03/26,"I didn’t mean to live this long I’m 19, I planned to kill myself before I hit 16. then 17. then before i graduated. Now i’m an adult with no plans or future and I’m thinking about suicide more than ever lately. I tried to kill myself several times throughout middle and high school, but either chickened out or failed one way or another. 

I wanted to go to college for a while but I don’t think I can. I didnt do anything special at all in high school, no classes above academic, no extracurriculars. I have no future it feels like. 

I’m trapped in my home with two shitty parents of which I don’t know where to begin on how badly they’ve helped fuck my life and self esteem up from the start. I don’t think I’ll ever become my own person apart from them. 

I know I’m worthless, I have no impact on anyone’s lives. I have no friends, it feels like my biggest impact if I were gone would be on my workplace simply because it’d be an inconvenience to find someone to replace me on my shifts.

I feel hopeless and I just wanna die again. I thought I was finally doing better until the end of last summer, and it’s been downhill for the past half a year. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with another day of this. I’m unsure if I’ll really try to kill myself soon, but every day it feels like a better option than this. Just needed to put this out somewhere.",2.7533834827144648,4.039479658450706,4.277644046094753,87.38649807938543,74.59859154929578,6.431241997439178,23.47247119078105,6.7829847944221076,0.6875197183098587,1069,30,224,9,22,357,158,284,0.242,0.688,0.069,-0.995,1,1,0,0,0,6,25.0,0,0,1,5,11,15,4,0,8,0,20,2,0,2,3,44,46,19,5,6,11,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,3,10,10,0,0,13,0,0,4,12,8,0,3,7,4,33,7,36,34,5,46,0,3,0,1,7,17,1,6,27,146,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220628358231055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356015750282464,0.0,0.08657283892225222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783984057065937,0.06413057514714217,0.11618809085546199,0.17903945834073334,0.0,0.0,0.1860864363440455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569404630281273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918376886119867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093178345582898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032368774805936,0.08863779231748234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277453692939213,0.22547043936679198,0.0,0.11524438985515055,0.09615334042683626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127932690838179,0.09725817922407302,0.0,0.0,0.05978910545967602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051513649025103,0.2223048075300857,0.105526862245723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34917352346918634,0.0,0.17344991917365382,0.08575422257329833,0.11867320141411535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430776163477751,0.15419014125723035,0.0,0.18579178152891748,0.09310105817993937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459655594544588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733607201307115,0.07800645161703744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712880562727192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681512237168178,0.0,0.10042785866381844,0.0,0.09185891927583888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151549414208534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673955284435143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129414502705177,0.0,0.0,0.10974933545556503,0.11884907970976115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913788641492917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446299591198569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507465302124086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222888163729286,0.0,0.08351917389930913,0.061344526692969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428514233362357,0.0,0.10276772840764224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062051264315461485,0.0835049878354852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747329629834712,0.0,0.0,0.06774707446993583
suicidewatch,femmepupper,2018/03/26,"I just need someone to hear me out and believe me... I suffer from depression and anxiety. My anxiety has a way of taking over, ensuring it’s front and center in my life. My anxiety at it’s worse tends to overrule my brain’s attempts to logically handle a suitation. This results in confusion and believing inaccuracies. Anxiety attacks are hands down the single most scariest thing I have ever gone through, and I relive it every week. Sometimes many times a day. My world is ending, figuratively speaking. My body’s fight, flight, or freeze reflex keeps me on my toes 24/7. They say you should leave the problems at home and not take them with you to work, but it’s difficult when your problems follow you indiscrimately. Working becomes complicated because you start having anxiety so powerful you seriously think about quitting right then and there, ignoring the consenquences. You do that because it hurts so badly that you want to run away. Run away from the pain to find out there’s just more pain after. Depression sinks in slowly because you are physically, emotionally, and mentally exhusted from dealing with your illness. Life is a daily battle. 

I’ve been taking different anti depressants and none have worked. Prozac was really bad for me and I ended up losing 10 pounds in a week since I was so sick I couldn’t keep things down. I take buspirone for anxiety, a big dose. But it really doesn’t stop it. But does make it easier to tell when something is real or a product of anxiety.  Therapy has helped me learn how to identify my triggers and attempt to discredit those thoughts, but the anxiety still pushes through and I get anxious about what if those thoughts are true and logic is fake.

I tried to attempt sucide and ended in a mental ward on a involuntary watch. It was aweful. I was not respected nor given really any help. It was tramatizing. They also revealed embarassing medical infomatiom about me to other paients.  What I got out of that was “don’t fail if you try again because you don’t want to go back there”

I have a job where I make a decent amount of money, but it’s a fight to just get out the door every morning.

I’m just exhusted of feeling paniced. I’m tired of hurting. I always have the thoughts of “if I was dead at least there’d be nothing left to suffer through”  and I think about different ways to kill myself pretty easy as if it’s normal. “I could totally drive my car off this bridge now, but nahh......but hmm..”

I get really depressed because this condition affects my life so much. It didn’t affect me my whole life, and I can remember being sorta anxiety free. It used to come every so often, but two years ago it came, never left, and got 30x worse.

I really need people to just listen to me. I am afraid and I am scared. I’m in the middle of a panic attack and I can only sit here in front of my phone crying. The sucidal thoughts are there and I don’t want to do it.  But I know that my anxiety can be disassoiative and it’s kinda scary not knowing the extent of how bad an attack will get. I need people to talk to right now. Please?

Nobody I know really tries to understand what I’m going through and it causes me to be alone because they don’t want to deal with me. :(",3.6825149342891272,5.805497500000005,4.9129390681003615,80.28903823178018,74.0,8.07646356033453,26.96535244922341,8.841846274778883,2.27523596176822,2550,96,467,54,54,842,298,620,0.263,0.679,0.058,-0.9993,4,1,1,0,2,1,71.0,0,12,4,10,33,36,7,5,24,0,44,16,4,10,4,108,92,49,2,17,22,0,3,0,0,2,12,4,2,0,33,31,0,4,18,0,2,13,13,33,0,1,18,8,68,4,75,66,10,70,0,10,1,0,29,32,0,11,22,323,101,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050496146998172634,0.0,0.0,0.05899869061056635,0.0,0.04555499057138231,0.04739954809876503,0.0,0.0,0.03873823900396402,0.0,0.4357816536447737,0.06435437774630434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944181632638425,0.10704122185036163,0.04380266554096168,0.1426905019811042,0.20835247196792472,0.0629135059925939,0.0,0.1283603793020961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327541296497373,0.0,0.06359191996088813,0.0,0.06515292830411969,0.0,0.05851887602698538,0.0,0.04907041189366666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045482017706801665,0.0,0.06257351588381944,0.03673779357409073,0.11745708686810068,0.1962559177345381,0.0,0.0,0.11903286423482998,0.0,0.0,0.049850565523563865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407809929909143,0.1513625801073413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152821765771879,0.14398672627490036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0288032792466471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052065093028140635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904770845736028,0.0,0.06474918757910424,0.0,0.09112043003119608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420383694638344,0.0,0.0763650461847559,0.0,0.057140665892642335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196469083332424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056529097555506426,0.10126644251220517,0.06302347168139531,0.0,0.09391963022201263,0.0,0.0,0.060317843173632736,0.12378555185483155,0.0,0.16094461222265774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372940472536273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604932770946465,0.057753696594619174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057386371271368586,0.1148148970578005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187592200039407,0.1267167570738709,0.043935016853846494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581372850390486,0.05465957462309823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332454516538431,0.1212298205156012,0.1336726027554507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898489138973458,0.0,0.0,0.06253060189088416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057954012334677237,0.0,0.1090158642844184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060589423330809286,0.0,0.06483878448481316,0.21895990981793867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453038291469393,0.09729581246898897,0.0,0.045300954498667625,0.05703202863501033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712214077490472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826636628455429,0.043854536953270365,0.0563399660726009,0.0,0.04032020928343689,0.0,0.04549242309871945,0.04762539595061392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713227410051366,0.045786410367735536,0.04979003084346454,0.0,0.06514458598382122,0.0,0.0756901968097772,0.07300190500356135,0.0,0.18089578747437227,0.033216822991885074,0.06547303227051049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602674351489713,0.0,0.05564665061122761,0.059302705006023415,0.0,0.04919957878257274,0.0,0.0,0.13439802859710367,0.09043253080274376,0.0913879757670982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359952868365965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441387023802625,0.0,0.11610465984167187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668367338049473
suicidewatch,notarealusernamee,2018/03/26,I used to be an abusive boyfriend and i want to kill myself because of it. I constantly feel like a sick disgusting human being and i can't stop hearing the labels my friends put on me as they kicked me out of their lives. A lot of the things they heard weren't even true but for someone to feel like they had to invent things like that almost makes me feel worse. I made them feel so trapped that they were looking for any way out they could find and that makes me feel absolutely despicable. I constantly feel like i don't deserve good things to happen to me and i've been having panic attacks every few days lately. i just want it all to stop or at least someone to talk to about this. i feel like i can't reach out to anyone because then i'll just be an abuser to them too and they'll cut me out of their lives just like what happened before. i've never felt more alone in my entire life and it is unbearable for me. please help,4.05214428058988,4.75077682901555,4.445595854922281,89.63247508967719,70.86528497409327,7.181984854523716,24.690713431646074,7.010146845296331,0.7578468712634514,740,19,161,6,13,233,107,193,0.187,0.654,0.159,-0.8853,0,2,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,10,0,7,14,4,1,6,0,14,2,0,4,3,38,33,11,1,3,5,0,8,6,1,1,2,2,0,1,11,10,0,2,9,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,11,30,9,27,21,5,17,0,0,1,0,16,7,0,3,14,108,41,0,0.0,0.25747086175589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879977156126906,0.11253120932869264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388741745396094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597234566043395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360789028327553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324670959899463,0.0,0.09245526435554977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482947929060485,0.0,0.08675017025443565,0.0,0.0,0.07007186593764676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176394336622681,0.0,0.0915444069877494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38456573678157496,0.31048543554529645,0.10432342712854313,0.0,0.09930640530551443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394464243356027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113255165772033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216207199552995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245925020283042,0.0,0.07282747217506051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020787937842592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256473863745153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674446526237623,0.3184927032973149,0.0,0.1918842744000479,0.0,0.0912407247969909,0.0,0.0,0.0923724595495536,0.0,0.1028096109208419,0.14505275841236104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379949668839573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748028376998252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926780370905395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922576010582193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412180038889828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816766896220092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733075388927877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165516546177097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384086395086272,0.0,0.0,0.12817210460867134,0.08624328733885878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107261673561607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeaway_9_99,2018/03/26,"I'm just so sick of being alone A woman I was really interested in, that I wanted to be with for years told me she just wants to be friends. It feels like I'm cursed or I always fuck it up. I'm so sick of the constant disappointment of dating and the loneliness when I constantly fail. I think I'm going to end everything soon. ",0.01463768115942088,2.32551539130435,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637684,90.7391304347826,6.544927536231885,17.81159420289855,7.793537801064563,0.7513594202898553,258,7,56,6,9,90,48,69,0.29100000000000004,0.604,0.106,-0.9431,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,9,15,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,3,10,10,0,10,0,2,0,1,4,2,1,1,8,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734247861085823,0.0,0.0,0.21966947344806292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5705812683437669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23382598643232086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726652805340326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334865297134202,0.18860193165576494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396604674633412,0.2440641068846613,0.0,0.0,0.15003750575907146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897725557753084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912541021038105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916079030356465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522636865210453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31142854055134633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000759582861835
suicidewatch,mrkys,2018/03/26,"Some how things have gotten worse I fell into a bout of depression this winter. I don't know what exactly caused it. Anyways I kinda stopped talking to people as much as possible. It wasn't really a councious choice it just sorta happened over time.

Fast forward roughly three months and things are fuckin terrible. I'm getting better in a lot of ways, but thoughts of self harm and suicide are still a big part of my daily life. My girlfriend of about a year (who is also my best friend of two-ish years) and I barely talk. She said she understood that I was hella depressed and might not contact her as much. Yet a few weeks ago we met up and she suggested we ""take a break"" or some shit. I get that I was an asshole for not seeking her out or responding to her texts, but holy shit I was doing all I could to just stay alive. Anyways I love her and we trust each other so I took her words literally, and I've been trying to reconnect with her lately now that I'm not quite a shit show.

But she doesn't seem to want to talk to me. I don't get it. I know she may have moved on, or fallen for someone else, or whatever, but inside I just can't grasp it. It's like a goddamn hole in my heart. We don't live together (although we were considering it) so all I can really do is just text her asking to do something, to meet up fo some coffee and talk. I haven't seen her in so long it fucking hurts.

I know I should move on and shit, focus on other stuff, but she was my girlfriend, my only friend, and my best friend. I miss her.

I'm dumb as hell so I'll probably keep going for her until she tells me something concrete. I just can't help but hope that if we just sit down in real life and talk, that things will get better.

If this keeps going like it is I'll probably go jump off a bridge or something. Thanks for reading this rambling mess and good fucking night.",3.4599616196507412,4.278073704663214,4.445141047783533,88.65638361159088,72.3160621761658,7.37654960660142,25.177125311840328,7.526774132740827,1.043190481673383,1454,42,317,16,27,473,200,386,0.17800000000000002,0.69,0.132,-0.9607,0,0,3,0,0,2,42.0,6,0,0,5,18,30,9,0,11,0,30,11,5,2,3,73,63,37,1,6,22,0,1,2,5,4,2,1,0,1,25,22,0,3,7,2,0,10,11,16,0,1,14,3,52,14,40,44,13,45,1,4,1,4,45,16,9,17,19,218,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674151315862072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923219128978478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093382823269467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170550530462345,0.1531331118274361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893405460846568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912129078785856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912995335888968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232041799488627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065765943910344,0.16007021175597216,0.18092274021253088,0.0,0.14760385472949988,0.07261310940252295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655599071358182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258911727251056,0.058027884749882026,0.0,0.0,0.0859862677485597,0.0,0.0,0.09267791190891628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389966349033193,0.0,0.0,0.1427343464204547,0.0,0.09765782493394004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229777726547306,0.08459013853174245,0.0,0.07644531814474903,0.07661415325920119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360105021797267,0.0781352805723956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183999933333856,0.0,0.0,0.06910153750102707,0.18402625003949236,0.12728185456759353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812426546959711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658424721597257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374984420399234,0.0,0.06001863946309505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975977599255238,0.0,0.0,0.1866801187363247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208076861751073,0.08659617080194178,0.0985387347060426,0.11092143196002546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235050354043211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881257377161383,0.09031425175036199,0.0,0.3554627063745241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335280419472348,0.199943781341559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227502515542764,0.06913710438093937,0.07237868960894825,0.0,0.0,0.0991050783741864,0.09469652950430607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509192861631824,0.3479194574834335,0.07566839321978645,0.07970455032868222,0.0,0.0,0.17254525086833794,0.0,0.0,0.0687290876633913,0.05048126263597046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618550288420052,0.05877720970488179,0.0,0.0845689903879049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106284683686143,0.06871741375453141,0.06944343243776872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822502122131501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111500016171042
suicidewatch,FormerSweetheart,2018/03/26,"If anyone would be interested I've had suicidal thoughts for 50 years, since I was about 5 or so. I'm glad we die in the end - I hope that is how it works (I'm atheist but I could be wrong.) I hurt so much. It's hard to carry on each day, has been for decades.  

I try, but I don't seem to connect with anyone. It never works out. I wish my marriage hadn't failed. Silly me, I thought we had the same ideals. He was too young; another clueless error of mine. 

In the morning, suicidal thoughts are often there before I get out of bed. I hurt so much. Therapists have not helped in the least. About 6-12 of them over the years. 

I have a lot of good qualities, but it's not enough to make anyone want me around. I'm probably autistic - a social fail. Hurts so much.",-0.14572368421052673,2.0001663750000027,1.7804605263157924,97.2963815789474,88.375,5.118421052631579,19.046052631578945,6.5966054737557815,-0.042312499999999975,580,17,137,7,19,191,102,160,0.239,0.665,0.096,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,1,5,11,12,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,2,1,30,28,10,3,7,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,9,1,18,6,20,15,8,14,0,5,0,0,7,8,0,6,6,90,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423189195067595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847050728696979,0.0,0.0,0.12082353545638284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154915100870386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836492905869964,0.0,0.0,0.08753104183049769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086055062539424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021157725243765,0.14023963793650487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091042313000423,0.0,0.0,0.11383922897629345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158244790126835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909732376619898,0.0,0.0,0.13480500289256392,0.0,0.0,0.4358874914593853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538807355312547,0.0,0.0,0.09059712406916276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993192614778204,0.0,0.10467906272873764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633391240926347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235584415213878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227266730083887,0.0,0.0,0.1383539842507188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969210379283516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758654702237238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232501573981364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214799213582736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005379691178599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560764189091713,0.0,0.0,0.19761803165335792,0.0,0.0,0.0964147549174773,0.14839337932786953,0.0,0.1748041913670571
suicidewatch,notfakingmysymptoms,2018/03/26,"I'm going nowhere. I feel like I'll be forever trapped in this nightmare. I don't think I'll graduate high school. I don't have any control over my life decisions. 
I'm useless. My grades have slipped dramatically over the past four years, I can't maintain any after-school commitments, I only started working a part-time job this year, but I hate it already. I think I'm losing my friends. Every single thing is monitored closely by my parents. I hate it. It's suffocating me. I won't be able to ever get myself out of this situation. I'm too financially dependent on my parents to have considered moving out. I can't do anything. I've either been held back by them or I've self-consciously decided to hold myself back from pursuing any opportunities. I really can't do this. I've wanted to die so badly for so many years now, but I'm a coward. I can't bring myself to do it. I'm scared of the pain, I'm scared of seeing myself like this. But also I can't escape this reality that I'm living in. Death can be my only release. I'm someone who shouldn't be living anymore.",1.8280946450809448,4.048297324200917,4.295012453300128,81.99962951432133,80.32420091324201,7.086841012868412,25.4796596097966,8.150884317080207,1.82643196347032,850,34,166,17,22,297,118,219,0.25,0.711,0.039,-0.994,3,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,4,8,12,2,2,4,0,22,2,0,2,2,21,43,7,2,2,5,2,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,13,3,0,3,5,0,0,3,9,8,0,1,2,2,25,4,19,35,2,21,0,2,1,0,5,9,0,2,11,98,38,5,0.12759424061416993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080341734952312,0.10203706812062227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603053770317452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653920109403927,0.0,0.0,0.1049991882915841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196224190219707,0.10653586129784096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310779040728816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242267722486686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541629554365118,0.1075036508119114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451548183249367,0.09115335098929778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857899378730893,0.0,0.06666272446283078,0.0,0.07251474735146161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519457933785345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481032061879267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266175956952566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012358555577762,0.12467220186008808,0.0,0.22533610419433103,0.0,0.0,0.14274531790450165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936053327480887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561248504084955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408233920752424,0.1357692680763281,0.0,0.28335660888338954,0.13817212861716754,0.12180314025548812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174013777469495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554881877000571,0.2582643668658776,0.10167609008747214,0.0,0.1331086202304628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342127243944275,0.0,0.0,0.1081101860134252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031186023066183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476794387478448,0.16351447471186598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525838896701963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928901268071871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464995228420669
suicidewatch,DopeAccount,2018/03/26,"Substances can no longer numb the trauma, I've never felt so completely empty... Nobody cares about drug users but ya know, that's unfair! Just because I can't tolerate the intense and often **physically painful** depression I have, doesn't mean I'm worthless! It shouldn't anyway.

But who cares what I think, I'm a ""druggie"". A degenerate because I'm sacrificing my health to keep myself alive hoping I can live a day without being tormented by a broken psyche.

All of my friends left me, literally got together and left. (My worst nightmare as far as I can ever remember) I've posted before but I just can't fucking believe they did this to me.

People I loved like blood and would've gone to fucking jail for, decide I'm not good enough. On top of my already treatment resistant chronic depression!! WHO DOES THAT TO A PERSON?

I just want it to stop. It's all I want, I just want to feel loved by my family and be able to process emotion in any capacity.",2.3914324324324348,4.9649368324324366,4.027229729729733,82.66462837837841,80.67567567567569,6.727027027027027,26.006756756756765,7.908726449838941,1.8700324324324336,754,31,138,14,20,251,117,185,0.172,0.627,0.201,0.7238,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,1,1,9,17,2,0,7,0,11,10,1,0,4,32,33,10,0,5,9,0,2,1,1,1,5,0,0,1,9,4,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,4,2,20,8,18,26,4,12,0,3,0,4,8,6,2,2,5,87,29,1,0.1390414428315331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534356896490988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945529490596789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951674602817698,0.0,0.11831402696347468,0.15665209257692653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835240351862975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145782307434711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967022801476716,0.0,0.2395123819427549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167610360562325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612439309480216,0.0,0.0,0.15640290871890314,0.0,0.1436669785654633,0.0,0.0,0.12577094531395125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107589793004978,0.0,0.0703035312235346,0.0,0.13350158972821796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742307382443084,0.25708314682758315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662136547051635,0.11120414350990618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779455185893026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380995255410731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358642295706368,0.0,0.0,0.07641354073234224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021378689324636,0.0,0.0,0.06792862571292932,0.0,0.12277614137756387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509806613916488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514568926392484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072373323447354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794989832336858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639382950904958,0.12140562480203412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316326762786532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750685021872748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624487207084035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909214231905238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246030736264809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340309891841398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877105169363806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwunfunefdwnerdfr4f,2018/03/26,"im going to kill myself i  just thought i needed to tell someone. I have to do it right now. im scared, sad, but i cant be alive anymore i really fucking cant. I dont even know if its going to work and its scaring me that i might actually not die. Im not sad that im going to die, im sad that im going to hurt people. But im tired of hurting, why do i have to hurt to not hurt other people? 

im sorry. I really am so so so sorry. ",-3.087541208791208,-1.5222467596153813,1.7167582417582423,95.98538461538463,98.32692307692308,4.125274725274726,14.15934065934066,5.773587663045528,-0.8743851648351644,323,7,85,3,14,127,49,104,0.375,0.556,0.069,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,0,12,18,7,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,11,0,0,1,0,11,0,9,15,0,6,0,7,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.08612652695733324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752766175257372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831945705409449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343705853705833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058293204582532426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159257809280529,0.0,0.0,0.200634940741729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37792564560029096,0.0,0.7626654137394976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764377731138876,0.0,0.04850397909383646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936271931603668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544177102721642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237318795784753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130799478564006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537136873449263,0.0,0.0,0.17672218159627734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478023973265509,0.0,0.0,0.19759394934641186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714088980346684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006654630996065,0.0,0.1014389403243607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963860908006885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425246507831907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purple-square-wheels,2018/03/26,"I can't stop crying. I still want to live more I don't know how I can explain this but over the last year I became increasingly isolated and alienated because nobody wanted to really ever talk to me in real life. I'm a walking ghost. I avoid people like the plague because I'm really fucking scared of not being accepted, and also I'm really empty so I don't have anything to say to anybody. But you can't survive as an individual if you never actually talk to anybody. As a consequence I kept losing my sense of normalcy.

I fucked up all my behaviours and became really self destructive. Soon now, my life is gonna take a turn for the worst because of my behaviors compounding over time. I was a lively person, I was high functioning. I still want to live but I won't be able to bear the burden of these failures and in a few months time my life is going to dramatically be worse and I might even lose the choice to kill myself. I can't stop crying because I don't know how to tell my family to be okay after I'm gone.

why did it have to be like this? what crime did I commit against the cosmos? of being too self conscious and dull? perhaps that does count as a sort of crime...

none of this probably made sense. I can't articulate myself anymore. I'm sorry. I've been to therapy three different times and it never worked. I don't understand why I turned out like this. why why why I'll never know...

I'm sorry also because I was a competent person and I know it. I failed to manifest and bring into this world all the good things inside me. when I leave I will be robbing this world of a human spirit that I did not take care of even when I was extremely privileged and given all the opportunities. Maybe I just deserve to go this painfully...",2.649893996161929,4.553952368271959,4.695726948734354,81.67822991866949,76.30878186968837,7.840957689847393,23.851686009321032,8.654491914285503,1.7341067166224984,1378,44,270,29,31,474,175,353,0.212,0.6679999999999999,0.12,-0.9921,1,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,2,0,7,16,22,4,2,17,1,31,6,0,3,8,48,61,24,2,4,7,0,0,3,0,4,4,1,0,5,15,12,0,4,8,0,0,6,15,13,0,1,12,1,40,9,38,38,8,35,1,4,0,2,12,10,2,3,22,184,55,2,0.08438570041584252,0.0,0.08234827082223392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496642826967087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368793969839887,0.0,0.0,0.06944224131458378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572036986687187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603684558606893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538745891915487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816509635376797,0.0,0.0,0.07384649509910385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147191852833778,0.07633169719865297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795513282170446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602644052277118,0.0,0.0,0.09591667643110503,0.07077872185637014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915812558578566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336027472845296,0.0,0.18550469628730945,0.06878560864831335,0.0,0.0893522724071144,0.0,0.0,0.17881234735606433,0.1236797722104294,0.0,0.22354235845466724,0.0,0.0,0.1888120274782332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984779009434717,0.0,0.0,0.0847767782767531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951989277955001,0.0,0.0,0.06735586098538278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952503631223402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979233487671139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058502419517770535,0.14736467738982925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098205757109057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604940145415823,0.21623856202296576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710689596468643,0.08448480732072036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606537874228426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892576571297187,0.0,0.0,0.1347810587150897,0.14110044817836434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268950895654391,0.13565205904146851,0.07375682161375154,0.0,0.09650240271223068,0.0,0.05606210971790618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761794157291305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357482017712154,0.0,0.08784849015445688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931861739011568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38072484634614295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143379493157468,0.0,0.08599623799581904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434162437393676
suicidewatch,GoldenCocaine,2018/03/26,is it just me or does life keep only getting harder and worse as you get older? as if it wasnt already shitty and hard enough. any1 feel similarly ?,1.7819999999999998,3.975891866666668,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.2320000000000002,116,3,23,1,3,39,27,30,0.14400000000000002,0.77,0.087,-0.2349,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,6,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875690270249273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30734628426061644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628938692527637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775823555460647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36698551420460457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31461522292356725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121716323529533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24807004704398836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671110715397592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35791304885812203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orangehandledscissor,2018/03/26,"Feel like I'm not allowed I told my therapist I'm the most suicidal I've ever been since my last actual attempt, and he wrote down a phone number for me. His phone number, his home number. I didn't want to take it because I have always prided myself on having good boundaries--like I'm the kind of person who never Google searches their shrinks for example--but he insisted because I was talking about having a plan. 

I put it in my purse. I haven't looked at it, but I know it's there, and it feels like an anchor and it isn't fair. I'm not bringing anything of value to the world. My family's problems would largely resolve if I were gone, and yet I feel like in taking his number, I made an agreement to call him if I start to feel unsafe. But since I don't feel comfortable with the idea of calling him at home, I can't do what I want to do, what I know is best for everyone, and it makes me so angry about what a waste of space I am, which just makes me feel even more convinced that everyone would be better off without me.",6.977023255813954,4.865647655813955,7.4489534883720925,79.95110465116281,65.46511627906976,10.274418604651164,32.662790697674424,8.548686976883017,2.3616139534883724,806,24,172,9,10,267,119,215,0.109,0.7140000000000001,0.177,0.92,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,6,8,13,0,0,9,0,18,0,0,4,2,37,43,10,1,7,8,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,13,6,0,0,10,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,8,7,31,12,23,32,3,17,0,0,1,0,17,9,0,3,8,115,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.12477054305344724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638773934034422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521588459790446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558815738949874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341786298195271,0.1130796289884508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611137452784291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444871805514026,0.11565449057487405,0.0,0.2443467715870917,0.0,0.0,0.1205327364273417,0.0,0.38789176954865656,0.27402441717268844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724086218776817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565031318886569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443356318133639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331439822049566,0.14053435162407282,0.10422098314412584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739424871147892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736815567960964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098192265865355,0.17069183943493632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986116388962458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164029700463758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234242538860013,0.0,0.12853217070950262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153020359914296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049824497179486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985542767403322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226595868751184,0.1027670702974402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845249149914552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217338579354585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508274130003502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232501333010069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816526963148319,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sparks32,2018/03/26,"Making it look like an accident After 3 failed suicide attempts, I often think about my next one, making it look like an accident. Like pulling out at an intersection too late so a truck hits you or something.  ",5.238461538461539,7.1010748974359,5.515897435897441,78.67076923076927,69.25641025641025,8.276923076923078,30.948717948717945,8.841846274778883,2.6834717948717945,167,7,29,3,3,53,31,39,0.277,0.574,0.149,-0.8176,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,3,4,5,0,7,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,6,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32819798559167784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264222516600968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886400838478499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884153276438877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094226981362078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715147300871372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398323367762735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182459802566712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642544059634952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AfterAtoms,2018/03/26,4-8-18 Two weeks. One year since my dad died. I wanna join him.,-4.4860000000000015,-3.686716933333333,-1.0533333333333308,111.52000000000002,118.33333333333331,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.091,46,0,14,0,3,16,15,15,0.228,0.633,0.139,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044410157108629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32935865732917724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40206387152651696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474798203441317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898783326017653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129989321077437
suicidewatch,darkerthanintended,2018/03/26,is anyone fucking online and not busy and actually fucking online and is okay to talk to me have I entered some alternative realm where everyone is fucking gone from existence it always fucking happens here I am here I am talk to someone you need a support system here is my cry for help here I fucking am I'm so fucking lonely I'm going to blow my brain out I don't even care how pathetic that shit is anymore everyone always fucking just isn't there no one is there ever even hotlines will just have the world's longest on hold ,1.4178840970350386,4.0881975,3.281725067385448,85.01981132075474,88.15094339622641,5.292722371967655,26.439353099730464,6.868970318607317,1.5580183288409701,429,20,77,6,14,143,67,106,0.145,0.773,0.083,-0.8365,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,14,12,8,0,2,1,14,9,2,1,1,12,29,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,1,0,9,3,8,27,1,9,0,1,0,7,4,4,8,1,1,56,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.12105166570935776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643354982730155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302097420047135,0.08673632286925853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847711955508915,0.0,0.0,0.12647385751493445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362594531719643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386332442611268,0.11220732384613047,0.0,0.23706383724442884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8027540974435837,0.0,0.0,0.07049858688809188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969406943367753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314587479714665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197904141356338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405724070608481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733213439824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510434939826913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407667024188361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940804512242752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoopTurn_,2018/03/26,"Useless Hello,
I am 13 years old. I really enjoy coding but that’s all I have. At school I have no friends or anything. I’ve never even had another kid from school over at my house. I really just feel like I have no point and all I do is go through life and I do nothing. Some people have friends to go play with or text others but no not me. I really don’t even know what too do anymore. I literally feel like I am all alone and have no real purpose in anything. Sometimes stupid thing happen and I really beat myself up about it to the point I want to kill myself. I hate everything and I really see no point in living.",1.1056923076923084,3.1316055692307714,3.2869230769230766,89.30807692307694,81.76923076923076,6.461538461538463,20.0,7.61054688173877,0.6687692307692301,484,13,104,8,13,165,77,130,0.228,0.625,0.147,-0.9218,0,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,3,0,1,0,13,1,0,0,4,22,22,9,1,1,6,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,4,0,0,1,3,19,6,13,21,4,14,0,1,1,0,4,9,0,3,5,75,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415580350106352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459497541406897,0.0,0.0,0.1380361493992817,0.0,0.0,0.2290781594400812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386346294646064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250923425130272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075430557173388,0.1988705075837021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150711336314392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820641212391906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230826454998458,0.0,0.0,0.13741839238211448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606031639880157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398984461582196,0.0,0.07649356067094495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831192715474064,0.13599952056839076,0.0,0.12290471203664803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734963082832748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355372496026024,0.0,0.14605339146362747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964947727220596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947302443619649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842533077787585,0.4458339302063589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817294436900669,0.11091405540974494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376595479385755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246968894859622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209612620582707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963189448459914
suicidewatch,bipass,2018/03/26,could anyone pm me my life is fucked up. i dont know where to go from here.,-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666645,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,107.33333333333331,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.9601333333333333,57,0,17,0,3,19,18,18,0.227,0.773,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304055403655588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772785561713735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538042848761152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368484564523433,0.0,0.0,0.2685509706340566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596913701493592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337635069004717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsPoptarts,2018/03/26,Quickest way to commit suicide with at home items. Title is self explanatory.,4.645384615384618,8.141969307692314,5.098846153846154,70.08365384615385,86.69230769230771,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.681030769230769,63,3,8,1,2,20,13,13,0.254,0.621,0.124,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065679442637604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268373764073772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524008690990725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008548072347002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sleepshleep,2018/03/26,"Just a reminder... Just a reminder that you are loved. You are strong for how far you’ve come, and I know it’s tough but one day you truly will appreciate this journey. I believe in you and I wish nothing but the best for you. Please be safe and have happy thoughts <3",0.5678441558441527,2.9907887454545445,1.4197402597402586,98.87818181818184,88.81818181818181,3.8701298701298703,20.584415584415584,5.288315135182226,-0.3531038961038959,211,7,47,1,7,65,40,55,0.081,0.534,0.385,0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,13,10,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,8,5,3,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35078299298285065,0.3267409042012627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819905089951035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007939405535123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331436127897852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110892093155514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810040585335451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29874715680505576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109777123375988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417670125869636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717582673586636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35803525840513845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressedStonerKid,2018/03/26,"If I make it look like an accident rather than suicide, will it make it a lot easier for my mom to get over it? Just any way, I’m 16 so I wouldn’t want to hurt her by letting her know I’m miserable. I feel like I should run through the high traffic street and trip amd get ran over or crash my dirtbike straight into a tree. If I do this will it be a lot less painful for her?",1.8307142857142864,2.3853044523809537,3.2152380952380963,96.94642857142858,75.90476190476191,7.028571428571429,24.714285714285715,7.1686216300943375,0.5879428571428567,290,9,76,3,6,95,59,84,0.213,0.6659999999999999,0.121,-0.8907,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,7,1,0,2,0,16,18,5,1,6,5,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,2,10,2,10,11,3,10,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,5,2,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165214826635407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122843188271389,0.17356404911024897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538634566237332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566907837671893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600837798745411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335193667700755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843358048706,0.0,0.23738690823190664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401742338357545,0.0,0.0,0.41309604304074976,0.0,0.0,0.3243429958696045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28454095711354804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585167046116503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657486646730485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432986344096514,0.1928429799977168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alphasydney,2018/03/26,"Here’s to hoping I don’t wake up. I pretend I’m fine, but really I’m just a ticking time bomb. Have been for the past three years. I just feel so lost, so empty, so.... cold? I just feel cold inside. I hate lying to people and telling them I’ve been getting better. What the fuck does ‘better’ even mean when I lay in bed every night and fantasize about all the ways I could possibly end this? I want to, but I don’t think I have the courage to. I just want a reason to live. Or a person to live for, I guess. ",-0.7142307692307703,1.2819959545454545,1.548181818181817,99.03381118881121,89.45454545454545,4.475524475524477,14.825174825174825,5.873414542411696,-0.9015034965034964,385,7,94,3,13,129,68,110,0.235,0.642,0.123,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,11,8,2,0,7,0,7,2,1,1,1,20,21,9,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,4,13,5,11,17,1,9,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,3,6,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403555673443639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362984439438102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838599100258708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704249342302548,0.0,0.0,0.12709004973874236,0.0,0.1621201775103688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458430086528675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177887026153201,0.10053028563790388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196974592037945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997260296295465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911141528709011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398166381846468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004660597020988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959924098073807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057093924121076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836844290440799,0.13339817784620125,0.1680116788735994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692200043856996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232676801733998,0.19783740166282174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818151604846174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329346708505096,0.0,0.0,0.11220028496571847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269858425519768,0.15273218225472354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239106644210488
suicidewatch,BackToTheFuture4Life,2018/03/26,"If I don't finish my game, I'm gonna kill myself. If I do not finish my game that I have been working on for months, I'm gonna blow my brains out. I have been working on it for years and if I fail at it, that's it. There's no reason to live. School is shit, my personal life is shit, I have no one to live for, no light at the end of the tunnel. I will probably live stream it too.",1.2280149812734074,1.2314814831460694,3.4534269662921337,96.72298689138576,76.86516853932585,6.832209737827719,19.327715355805246,6.42735559955562,-0.3164397003745321,288,4,80,2,6,100,49,89,0.244,0.7559999999999999,0.0,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,0,2,0,10,4,3,1,0,7,14,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,12,0,11,9,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,3,5,52,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23470260908419915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862143937508554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326046020668227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850204408805096,0.0,0.0,0.5569497463955088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781530781633766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246724491036408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357755610010154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266793382742111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616656024119946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277885338323854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316263114014113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061212804927337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539068891912812
suicidewatch,Shadowbound199,2018/03/26,"I dreamt I died A few days ago I dreamt I died and at that moment I hoped it was all over, I didn't want to wake up and then I did, I guess I feel a bit cheated hahah. Shame, it didn't even hurt, could have been done then and there.",-2.308968253968253,-0.5811194629629632,-0.12587301587301525,109.705,95.48148148148148,3.085714285714286,9.566137566137566,3.1291,-2.4333195767195765,175,1,51,0,7,57,36,54,0.273,0.627,0.099,-0.8572,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,8,1,1,0,1,9,12,5,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,1,9,1,4,5,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24803269052683066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054775968586165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340372271997727,0.0,0.0,0.1804528528588684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807925436291799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28634047864141154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848103820206731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147920727100305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082397858911877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779122336818283,0.0,0.0,0.2995399868603562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503786237219192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aarchercox,2018/03/26,What do you do What do you do to fight suicidal thoughts ,2.2324999999999977,3.783030583333337,2.8566666666666656,95.955,76.5,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,1.9080666666666668,45,2,11,1,1,14,7,12,0.415,0.585,0.0,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8093093754045408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5873826137044846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jusanother1,2018/03/26,"Tried to OD and failed. Because I am not going to amount to anything. I will never become a functional member of society. I am widely hated and people lie to keep me from being around them. All I will ever be is a burden on society.

So I had two medications that shouldn't be taken together because of severe drowsiness and respiratory problems. I didn't have a lot left of each so I drank a lot of alcohol hoping that would make up for it but it didn't. All I did was sleep for 24 hours.

I'm of pills so I can't try that again. If I'm deceitful enough maybe I can get more from a doctor.

They say suicide is cowardly. But if it is, then how cowarly am I to not be able to do it?",0.5542298850574703,2.5492106758620707,3.4793103448275886,87.33505747126438,83.6206896551724,6.625287356321839,20.701149425287355,7.793537801064563,0.9134735632183903,528,16,115,10,15,188,89,145,0.171,0.816,0.014,-0.968,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,1,7,5,1,0,5,0,23,6,1,2,4,24,33,12,2,6,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,7,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,7,1,14,1,18,18,8,11,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,5,5,92,21,2,0.1840832715330403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672903397110872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148484756044678,0.1638731395843533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224430907454776,0.20330551072011804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841702869016613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190207228053878,0.0,0.0,0.16651385806782315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617591161917004,0.0,0.10461876541288402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174411976145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283622451734224,0.1812849417087718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362166985398127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000701314103148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130020291546109,0.0,0.0,0.12287701317833415,0.0,0.18493638872832105,0.0,0.0,0.18544452952714668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197636737999858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276201622355411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761428298682625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639040608457954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796169961228966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421621427021204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135722113316684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499609156552718,0.0,0.1798226079422657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076747448999018,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yikesboiii,2018/03/26,"Antidepressants are fucking me up I was on Zoloft and it didn't help so now I'm on Lexapro and it's so fucking shitty. I was on 10 mg and it made me so enraged at everyone for no reason and I almost pushed my friend down a flight of stairs because of it. (Among other annoying side effects like being physically unable to cum despite having a high libido) I told my Psychiatrist so she bumped me down to 7.5 mg and now I'm just numb. I'm so fed up with nothing working. It's been a year of fiddling with Zoloft doses and then another two months (so far) of trying lexapro. I feel like I'm just wasting my time at this point. 
My therapist is pregnant and going on maternity leave so now I'm losing her too. I'm so tired of dealing with this shit I just want to feel right again. Or maybe I don't. I don't really know anymore.",1.044861913937055,3.178688826589596,3.1641136801541414,89.4959071933205,82.69942196531792,5.925369299935774,22.90590879897239,7.1686216300943375,0.8356193962748879,649,23,139,9,18,220,101,173,0.18,0.767,0.052000000000000005,-0.971,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,17,10,5,0,3,0,10,9,1,3,0,22,26,17,0,1,4,0,2,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,7,2,17,3,23,18,0,27,0,1,0,2,6,17,3,2,10,88,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180617866202607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891371960925311,0.0,0.0,0.17888190638281598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995392672440707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859570150635746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235447620340238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240438190890448,0.12885876516661227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935601130331662,0.33350453156600224,0.0,0.0,0.102510337784239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090046179721715,0.19057435912248888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991284820561608,0.0,0.0,0.1909893454830399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624262638660165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179165328380752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067363546058267,0.0,0.0,0.18120928499126426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397229591914218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307310461343506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705111280045373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555179380550265,0.18545385628902172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403786478406367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515066307175684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942737444194612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517715734602648,0.2073126445210994,0.0,0.17235447620340238,0.0,0.1224616721271497,0.0,0.1761985644607338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638888165348244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131395507280372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615453073622133
suicidewatch,iadmitdefeat,2018/03/26,"Anyone in the PNW I want to start this off with 2 things. 
I've said I was gonna kill myself a couple of times and it's nigh impossible to do it now, I don't have the money for an OD or a firearm.
I've posted about my life on this sub before. It hasn't gotten any better. Like at all. I moved to a different state, made some new friends, got kicked out of my new place, moved into a dorm, got kicked out of there and now I'm homeless living out of an old car with nothing in the gas tank. Oh and I'm still unemployed. Yeah, just as many applications, volunteer hours and big bright shit eating smiles on my face yet I've gotten the same results. My friends are starting to distance themselves from me. Even before homelessness I was depressed. The unemployment, never being able to pay my share; it has made an  angry person out of me and I feel like my anger and lack of positive emotion has made people wary of my company. Okay on to the finer points: The car isn't mine, besides that it's low on gas and has all my stuff in it. It belongs to my friend who is in school, she has been letting me sleep there, since I got kicked out the dorms.
I'm in a worse spot now then I was last year somehow. I feel like there is no hope anymore. I understand that suicide isn't the right action. I have no idea whether or not I'll ever have the courage to shoot myself. I don't care what you people think. As for now, I give up. No more interviews, no more trying to be happy, no more volunteering, no more smiling, no more anything. Fuck this planet. Everyone on it is crazy anyhow. My fucking President is a literal reality television star. The police can shoot a man 20 times and people think the shit is normal. This world isn't fair, why do people honestly come on here and tell kids that everything will get better, when shit NEVER gets ANY better. I posted this because I'm living in Washington state now. If you want to prove that the world isn't completely shit by helping me out of the mess that is homelessness, then hit me up through PM. I'm literally at the point where I will sign away my soul for a job for below minimum wage where a slideshow of my childhood molestation is played 24/7 simply for the fuck of it. I seriously hate myself.",3.1402097130242836,4.666383589403972,4.191230684326712,87.42583057395143,74.03311258278144,7.329139072847682,24.28311258278145,7.984000788550335,1.200566887417219,1758,53,368,26,36,571,230,453,0.194,0.695,0.111,-0.9905,7,0,0,3,1,2,51.0,0,2,0,3,19,33,11,0,28,2,34,11,6,4,6,51,69,18,3,6,6,0,2,3,3,3,1,1,2,3,23,19,1,0,7,1,3,6,17,15,0,0,13,4,40,18,59,49,10,70,1,2,1,3,16,36,7,7,27,237,63,9,0.08390828643155002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141210242223982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832144733109451,0.05867062483777481,0.0,0.06904937028381877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883459719432663,0.0,0.0,0.0511497126001154,0.0,0.14279954323186736,0.0,0.0,0.2226301818424068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555009021110857,0.0,0.0,0.07227955901334539,0.08797624190152496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284292297539537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227008415147748,0.0,0.0,0.08766630035256913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585912474614765,0.0,0.09438552848889904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554206318301422,0.07589984891739396,0.0,0.08017796349596445,0.07541135740713492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485310156341269,0.1198881931847354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448200186053471,0.2327155761775608,0.08767723294735466,0.08049247415104711,0.0,0.0,0.2013273654814572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932193117463122,0.0,0.08284206126495985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624195568430015,0.0,0.0,0.08333986118945502,0.0826327600979009,0.0,0.0,0.09472224202949286,0.0,0.0,0.08326602702231929,0.0,0.0928320868895998,0.0,0.0,0.06839645253151927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580190783659641,0.05926690416944009,0.12298005113758885,0.0,0.14818510838025825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23818814831706714,0.0,0.08506983251527173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783624587399786,0.0,0.0,0.1294304865555769,0.16207829180243716,0.0,0.0,0.08221230528683432,0.08051226385007165,0.0,0.08804763171687177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326857630923549,0.0732654792185462,0.08766630035256913,0.0,0.15864090446562634,0.0,0.16072188801749174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165721814545574,0.07981599520065569,0.0,0.0,0.08491966551834455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445226009100397,0.06940980162048509,0.0,0.08396888399251631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878143401966244,0.0,0.06700926593298806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605491308248,0.0917820464901408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333954074860673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574493708040509,0.1075300837544543,0.0,0.0,0.0978551931816036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696821860244525,0.0,0.0,0.08735148535989991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989825626521327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571417740539964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550971235920722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540341854206847
suicidewatch,attics_in_the_flower,2018/03/26,"reach out and talk to my family they said... After a weekend full of fun with my mother telling me I am lazy, useless, nothing, a burden, weak for unable to get over having cancer surgery three times, among other lovely things...I did with my drs suggested, reach out to my family and I will see that they will be there for me...I texted my brothers and my sister and they texted me lovely positive things to cheer me up but not one was able to call me to check up on me. Meanwhile when someone is in despair I drop everything and be there for them, I am the rock, will take a bullet easily for my family. Either my family doesn't fee the same way about me or maybe my mother is on to something...",5.453500000000003,5.145920635714283,6.1535714285714285,82.11392857142859,67.64285714285714,9.285714285714286,26.785714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.7684285714285708,539,13,111,8,8,177,85,140,0.081,0.7829999999999999,0.136,0.6194,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,0,4,8,0,0,5,0,13,5,0,0,0,14,19,8,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,2,3,2,23,4,25,11,3,16,0,2,1,2,15,10,0,1,4,85,26,0,0.1849720505152121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887714469108874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662409519364034,0.0,0.6975007485392797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664026195435513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33388899476199085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858292866759272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748567119313574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534184854340125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595077821332272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739877584851208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672621814454735,0.1424005214033657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907596193172167,0.14867352758738445,0.1616737251234454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288721121740033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785869016124693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682220395872084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Narcoticnurse,2018/03/26,"I fucked up. So now I have the ideation, the means, and the plan. And here comes intent, as the protective factors fade. I haven’t left my apartment for three days. My boyfriend (or not - he has kids and lives with a woman that he says he doesn’t love. Not exactly a  normal or healthy foundation for our relationship) is angry because today I told him that I intravenously injected water yesterday. I am a recovering opiate addict. I quit for this man. I wanted to eventually become the step mother to his kids. Yesterday I was feeling so isolated and alone. I don’t have many friends, and I struggle to reach out. My best friend is currently mad at me for not being there for her over a break up. Normally I would, but I haven’t been able to this time. I always feel depressed, but for the past few months I have been falling apart. I can hardly manage myself, let alone help someone else. I don’t want to burden anyone. I spend all of every day in my bedroom, except for when work calls me in and I feel like I can cope that day which is becoming less and less frequent. I am so broke - it’s just another stressor on top of everything else.

I just wanted to feel the sensation of the needle yesterday. It’s a common thing for ex injectors to crave. Now that I have done that and been honest and told the boyfriend, he says he can’t accept that risk around his children. Which I understand - but I would not ever expose anyone, especially a child, to this hell. And the fact that he thinks that I would do that at all - how little does he think of me? The only reason I mentioned it to him at all is because we have a policy of complete honesty. I would not have mentioned it at all otherwise - I can’t stand the way I morph into a threat to his kids in his eyes when I fuck up. I can’t believe how angry he is. He is an amazing man, truly amazing. He can look at me and see me as a person, rather than my past. But with this, it just seems like he can’t see my side. I was trying to manage myself in the best way I could. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, I didn’t want to use drugs. I just wanted to stop the internal chaos for a while. 

I try really hard to do things morally and ethically. I have Major Depressive Disorder, c-PTSD from my childhood, PTSD from being raped twice and being a prostitute in 2014 to pay the rent, I’ve done porn and all sorts of shit, and it’s all profoundly affected my self worth and value. But I don’t like hurting people. I know what pain is like, and I would hate to be responsible for inflicting it; this is the only thing that stops me from acting on the suicidal urges that I have every day. I watched my mother die in 2015 with my brother and father, and I don’t want to cause grief like that for anyone. But I am so tired of living. It’s hitting the point where I am resenting the people that care because I can see the solution, but I am not allowed to take it.

I never envisioned living this long (27 years old) - every year I tell myself that next year will be better and that feeling like this is temporary. But it’s not. It’s more like this self destructive depression is the baseline, and the moments of less distress are just rare deviations. I am medicated and I have regular therapy. I just think I’m not supposed to live. Maybe I’m wired differently... Maybe us depressed bastards are living in some reverse state where rather than avoiding ways we could die, we search for reasons to live? Whatever the case, my search is failing.

I guess I am here just so I can get my story out. I have enough propranolol to fuck myself up nicely, and if I throw in a decent mix of my other hoarded pharmaceuticals to stop me vomiting and keeping me sedated, I think I’ll finally stop being a burden for people around me. 
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suicidewatch,Tinyghostking,2018/03/26,"Long sigh I kind of just wanna take all my pills and go to sleep, I'm so fucking tired of being scared all the time, I just want to die already",0.2411458333333308,1.821121656250004,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,82.4375,4.266666666666667,16.916666666666664,3.1291,-1.1421583333333336,111,2,28,0,3,36,26,32,0.28,0.654,0.065,-0.8712,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,7,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,5,5,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504021766378149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295459386515898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935513061899064,0.0,0.0,0.18045957824460024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33065856210472355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810039983723965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179028561967421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177592490393254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23874299231727555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851542572767536,0.3649539471208569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728738123477304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Optimatium,2018/03/26,Give me a reason Give me a reason not to kill myself,0.6624999999999979,1.8230802500000003,3.84,88.905,79.83333333333334,4.800000000000002,12.0,3.1291,-1.3211000000000004,41,0,9,0,1,15,8,12,0.0,0.7070000000000001,0.293,0.5773,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6348371398300328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660792959032181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6804173388468489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,delaseoull,2018/03/26,"I've been highly considering shooting myself I'm a 23 year old male with a long extensive list of personality issues and the whole bag of mental issues. 

For the past 2 or 3 years since my depression has gotten really severe. I've been thinking of ways to end it. Obviously, I've thought about the usual (OD, self asphyxiation, etc) but I recently came to the realization that the only way out of this for me is to just blow my brains out. I've made an effort to desensitize myself to the fear that comes with something of that caliber. I've held so many guns that my friends own and the first thing that comes to my mind is what that cold steel will feel like against my head, then the next is ""damn, is it really this easy?"" I can legally go out in the state of Michigan and buy a rifle or shotgun with no permit. 

I can't really talk to anybody about it because everybody around me just thinks I'm some weirdo or none of my problems are real. After so many years of trying to seek help and trying to verbally express my thoughts and feelings, nothing has worked. My life is a rollercoaster that I don't want to sit through anymore because my toxic behavior just constantly puts me back at the drawing board. No matter how many steps I take going forward, it always feels like I take 10 steps back.

To go into depth of me ""desensitizing,"" all I think about damn near 20+ hours of the day is me leaving behind my family, friends, my son, and whoever else is in my life to make it easier on myself. Trying to make the thoughts of leaving my life behind not so scary. Admittedly, part of me doesn't want to go, but that's a whole different battle that I fight. They say that when you commit suicide, it leaves a hole in the universe, that the natural flow of life for others may stop or be disrupted. I believe it, but I don't at the same time. All I tell myself is that when it happens, the people around me will mourn and be sad for about a week, then the smoke will clear and everybody will forget. Every. Single. Day. Nobody's gonna really miss me because people will replace me in their lives. Shit will go back to normal like I was never gone. 

I hate waking up in the morning and looking at how much of a piece of shit I am in the mirror. No matter how hard I try, I feel misunderstood. I feel like I will always be just a washed up version of who I used to be with no promise for a bright future. I'm so buried in my negative ways of thinking that it keeps me from progressing forward too. 

When I read this post back to myself, all I can think about is how many times I see the letter ""I"" used throughout this. That's how it's always been... always been about me, what's better for me, and who cares about a narcissistic piece of shit? I can't even maintain proper relationships with anybody around me without making a fool of myself or making the other person hate me. I watch the bridges I burn and beat myself up for it after like a loser.

I'm getting really off topic here... but my main point is. I'm highly considering shooting myself probably on or around 4th of July. I live in Michigan near downtown Detroit so going down to a riverfront park late at night during the fireworks for the reason that nobody will be able to tell what it was. Or anywhere in Detroit really in this case during that holiday. I don't plan on telling anyone. I also had plans of packing a bag and going to California to do it. When I went there the first time and saw Venice beach, the white sand, the smell of the air, and the ocean water. I knew this I wanted to come back to that place someday. I just didn't think it would be this way. 

I came to Reddit because it feels like this is my last hope of trying to voice my thoughts and feelings. There's so much on my mind that I wish I could spill out to somebody, but I remember that I'm gonna be stuck like this forever. It's embedded in my being. 

Thanks for listening Reddit. Best of luck to anybody else in here who feels like they're losing this battle. You're not, you will win, and I wish you God speed. I'm sorry that I couldn't. 

Edit: 2nd paragraph

2nd edit: spelling

3rd edit: added on",4.516783721693471,5.201381433213001,5.411089377529812,83.17869510994424,69.80625752105897,8.065297013455861,26.661437479488026,8.121257012390899,1.5461858483754516,3245,96,656,42,55,1064,350,831,0.113,0.754,0.133,0.9593,1,0,2,5,1,2,92.0,0,3,2,13,43,38,10,1,45,0,53,12,6,14,7,121,126,46,3,11,20,1,10,8,2,13,5,3,0,4,55,35,1,3,22,3,1,20,18,19,0,2,22,21,85,19,117,81,19,110,0,6,6,0,27,45,5,11,50,445,140,6,0.05241471481398368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191602849982787,0.17445296632197368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198131284145773,0.03664958730075913,0.0,0.0,0.18664083499720613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201518401623463,0.0,0.1278060946192416,0.0,0.0,0.05905343464668963,0.055006009466350786,0.04635655581634916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851215631935267,0.0,0.11989694061569225,0.05344029501047935,0.0,0.0,0.1354519070886603,0.0,0.056641686045340874,0.0,0.0418488847548043,0.0,0.0,0.06760630978770298,0.0,0.04514471706525016,0.0,0.0,0.054762221077240346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757153703555816,0.0,0.04642387981360144,0.0,0.05845626222172525,0.03461942479968756,0.0,0.0441616578588944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049411928336464885,0.0589811263238588,0.2120196375673316,0.18722541368032586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891678592894101,0.0,0.0,0.08099095728992406,0.0,0.027384525152731785,0.0,0.20851943228454672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635015920775183,0.0,0.046953289174129734,0.10349735885376783,0.05379261904473719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513247848504353,0.11075804793701644,0.0,0.052059638477372015,0.0516179359514993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941468899074082,0.0,0.04658860683734055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042724988272192635,0.05912608133445312,0.1664988447019288,0.0,0.0,0.14808825264155825,0.20485745670881692,0.0,0.09256630692567727,0.046385373215489925,0.04401515946049513,0.0586386587120374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959607049177625,0.1399489165810596,0.21256117602634045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282170446000311,0.0,0.10584784041304267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770616926053213,0.0,0.0404254593292163,0.0,0.0557436438366466,0.04918765918276606,0.051355291820014144,0.05029333249669318,0.0,0.05500042609321163,0.0,0.0,0.039863752513542114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056760028366873064,0.05003577613855136,0.07267552724789124,0.09153301449154642,0.054762221077240346,0.0,0.049548847432258514,0.0,0.050198808026392414,0.0,0.0565119276995758,0.050153803315125936,0.0,0.0526912654294269,0.0,0.0,0.052428898980202095,0.05965942049973641,0.2014692507918999,0.053891056487200134,0.051753207520498085,0.056273788050788164,0.059375654246239924,0.0,0.0,0.04168228499268768,0.0,0.0,0.04176774155074142,0.0,0.05467997877552911,0.059213708484385924,0.16140885461058924,0.043357993732845004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040351408215081465,0.0,0.05867398197834847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043821048560057814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057333190754038074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788186848967449,0.04212896233337059,0.13743831305848347,0.04825642726169148,0.0,0.0,0.034822007499538954,0.20151139703626245,0.0,0.16644571512737588,0.09169032514801448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793075383226425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053896930121873,0.057727403272471174,0.0,0.09274667044716403,0.166417443660744,0.04204392261691814,0.0,0.0,0.0485889657531198,0.0,0.11703831450486922,0.12054867058205496,0.050525914657220304,0.0,0.03815853664082067,0.0,0.0,0.037233909552218614,0.0,0.0,0.10126007356883117
suicidewatch,Spacebutt69,2018/03/26,"I don't want to live anymore I'm a 17 yr old female and I don't think life is worth living anymore. I feel like I've been stripped of my basic humanity. In numb. I'm tired and I just want to kill myself. My depression has progressed so far that I can't even cry any more. I want to so bad and I feel like I'm not even human anymore. I have no friends, no one close to me and my family takes this all as some joke. I want help but no one wants to give it. The girl I loved doesn't love me back anymore. All my family does is fight with eachother and its so loud in my head and in reality. I just don't see the point. I'm done.",-0.4042756539235413,1.1991003028169018,2.0769818913480904,98.2371830985916,84.70422535211267,5.465593561368209,17.88933601609658,6.5431188927421005,-0.3946072434607646,481,11,126,5,14,165,82,142,0.204,0.675,0.121,-0.8428,0,0,0,0,1,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,2,0,3,0,11,6,1,0,2,23,28,11,1,5,4,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,3,4,8,0,0,3,1,1,0,9,5,0,2,2,4,19,6,11,26,4,8,0,1,1,2,9,6,0,1,4,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899560309597869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247512481397831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017163928675419,0.11044961898041078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453051371677372,0.0,0.0,0.11393395689697558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157605283797676,0.13537001426931566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474151171330787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494066583758327,0.0,0.13377111331207586,0.18900401729346367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220044378147068,0.0,0.0,0.1268965739853623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357590951508282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886655748359975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635000236290335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343441320623012,0.12925222573081738,0.0,0.23361417036104054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23877863536762775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880729757951668,0.0,0.1792748848819277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504887868678632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541131664748464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945930810378724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476071441904988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203825133492735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901156045121928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,byeguysop,2018/03/26,"Im a waste of space, let me die Every night I get suicidal, and someone random fucking ""saves"" me everyday. I don't know why I even try anymore. Tonight is the night, just let me go. Im writing a note, and I've got everything prepared. I can't deal with it anymore...",1.3278571428571408,2.9769317857142887,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,79.35714285714286,6.622857142857143,29.057142857142853,7.554174236665415,1.7226400000000002,204,10,45,3,5,70,41,56,0.207,0.758,0.035,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,10,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,2,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38912270614179867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022566127306784,0.0,0.0,0.20360753849705399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957737624109172,0.0,0.1652930916363454,0.0,0.17631711348121396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813685191220411,0.10249780114576572,0.0,0.11149562538971476,0.0,0.15690589661369933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238237714409488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781734154507952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012219177876378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682099201371705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662256746499204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145929481042481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319574410948878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702512816009267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IridescentBreadfruit,2018/03/26,"I can't stop thinking about killing myself. Throwaway account. 

My life sucks. I have no friends. My job sucks. I have no one to talk to. I was on medication for depression for years. Lost my insurance a couple of months ago and had to come off of meds cold turkey. I look around and see all these other people my age with so much more then me. What's wrong with me? Why don't I have the determination and will to be normal? I don't know what to do any more. I barely leave my house. I'm dropping weight I can't afford to lose. I have no one in my life but my cats. I'm so damn tired. I desperately want to be happy. But I don't know how to be. 

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I'm really panicking. I don't want to wake up to another morning of knowing no one cares. ",-0.5386431440045882,1.6024379698795173,1.851893287435459,95.86467871485942,90.98795180722892,5.089615605278256,16.94090648307516,6.655083550727371,-0.2460346528973032,597,15,142,8,21,202,97,166,0.23,0.6659999999999999,0.104,-0.9644,2,1,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,4,0,2,0,18,6,1,2,1,21,35,10,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,4,0,1,1,11,8,0,3,3,4,23,3,23,28,5,13,0,3,2,0,2,5,3,1,6,93,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536723333323786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384729429669357,0.16012860535091664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359433046094669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569690958868926,0.0,0.0,0.13154520278167847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896950253096008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152795900428474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798252378844408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256147256029255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620557715743188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515400281766156,0.0,0.16894978139371467,0.0,0.2517744670557673,0.0,0.0,0.16169668452799518,0.0,0.0,0.21572563622785332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823702230140405,0.1708422070293545,0.1666998127494824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019343821346955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696251714293478,0.1538381593811561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189079372532842,0.0,0.22451723711422766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962230702194948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104385253279216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586912921238896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097829237030772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168922867424857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094512044703186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767148524159472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274163602947633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784970236190067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755164257723968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801433414047381,0.0,0.0,0.18595831036356766,0.0,0.0,0.13779603744403493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669632186460824,0.0,0.09833953022588868
suicidewatch,Marble-Fox,2018/03/26,"lost all my friends today my ex friends who have harassed me for many years and accused me of rape many times and put me through self harm and hell took the last person in my life, not only that, the rest.
now they all hate me and wish i were dead...

for years i was told i was good for nothing by them
just used


im sitting here
thinking if i should end it all or not.

considering i wont be happy or sad anymore,  i think its worth it
through all the threats, beatings, cuts, scars
everythign.

i love somoeone out there
but nobody is willing to love me.
",4.522756005056891,4.688975814159292,4.489785082174464,91.62522123893808,69.61946902654867,7.165107458912767,30.302149178255373,6.18269132825596,1.196032616940581,429,16,97,2,7,132,81,113,0.183,0.677,0.14,-0.3714,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,4,15,6,0,3,0,9,4,0,1,4,21,19,8,1,3,7,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,9,0,0,6,0,17,6,10,9,5,12,1,2,0,3,11,2,1,3,7,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819374108280012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591426681506634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776398071627489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070660458482826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127212422859186,0.0,0.17739626567908712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408464785234952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646273981500432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691291497916934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614135373482253,0.0,0.3243354521033497,0.0,0.0,0.3643335373292489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240728598834673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665432451951398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568891722163881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806274831475204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874448613881218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302626831699576,0.0,0.0,0.10477253693749312,0.0,0.17031511687131826,0.17169142216834665,0.1996304891669934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518536154302062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066225093149462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314153599337165
suicidewatch,haldirofloriens,2018/03/26,This Reddit gives me more depression then saves me Just scrolling down makes me ponder my options...,3.845098039215685,6.993671941176473,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,94.2941176470588,4.619607843137255,23.31372549019608,6.42735559955562,0.9989372549019612,81,3,13,1,3,22,15,17,0.2,0.8,0.0,-0.6115,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5932740666520462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.660772683955705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597883665080244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LazuliWarrior,2018/03/27,"My online friend might be suicidal and I need help Recently they said they might be feeling suicidal again, and that they feel bad that they always push away people who try to help and that they can't ever help when their friends are down. I've sent them a message comforting them and recommending a counselling site called crisistextline.org but due to timezones I don't know if they've seen it. I had previously recommended that site to them but I'm unsure if they have or not. Another issue is that they live with their grandmother who doesn't believe in things like depression or anxiety and thus won't take or help them in anyway (there's also other family issues but it's private).
I just really want to help them and make sure they're safe but I don't know how or what to do",4.4314705882352925,6.205067392156862,4.807336601307188,83.30551470588236,71.15686274509805,8.76013071895425,25.16830065359477,9.2995712137729,2.009218300653594,633,19,123,14,12,200,93,153,0.104,0.691,0.205,0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,14,0,9,8,0,0,2,0,14,0,0,3,2,33,26,19,2,4,12,0,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,4,20,6,10,17,0,13,0,1,1,0,27,6,0,8,6,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747471281896615,0.1222313566704846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540359320385594,0.11237698432508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801601799213056,0.0,0.12265414855011568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550435535947633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149999837991625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265235009694566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328781434369643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848287394836045,0.0,0.14855263563022106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269869018866149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923149888432231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066478296582072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614631964578576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176720862220667,0.0,0.1297141059398181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805591901886017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31167228267610503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892340926788298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184095437915867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941069690429915,0.0,0.14504459054263305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973415507558734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213663297730264,0.0,0.13845013954784702,0.0,0.110449423578521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759286547877556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973446891893983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664456744942355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Economy_Cactus,2018/03/27,"Fiancé dumped me. Lost my house, job and my relationship. Back in with the parents unemployed and single Any words of encouragement will be helpful. Right now I am having a hard time getting out of this funk. Being in a deep depression before this happened isn’t helping this situation. ",5.003529411764704,7.930748568627454,5.509568627450981,73.7290588235294,73.11764705882352,8.00156862745098,29.807843137254906,8.841846274778883,2.9624007843137257,231,10,36,5,5,74,44,51,0.174,0.691,0.135,-0.3182,4,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,5,1,8,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,27,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792027516788644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026307441338796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242362549758215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696953575826734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767841211392665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23303001550546806,0.0,0.2360623111398129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532640295546599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040668945842687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615031062933221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876633941343798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926079626013789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829220422576979,0.0,0.22504478481184226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962077114599653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366072994609956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbiGrover,2018/03/27,my anxiety is killing me i want to dig my boyfriend's gun out of the closet and finally do this. people would probably think about me and care then,4.596,5.354124600000002,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,69.66666666666666,10.0,31.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.004666666666667,118,5,25,3,2,38,27,30,0.236,0.639,0.125,-0.6124,0,0,0,1,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900769896847254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866063814244554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153807847001076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195141945953038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26288049684149395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408827680890781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242967695720677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236542958436969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269363539917696,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kemsing531,2018/03/27,"What’s the easiest way to convince yourself that you are worth living Right now it’s literally only 3 people that are stopping me from killing myself: my mum, my sister and this girl I know. Im in counselling. I’ve got a note. I’ve already tried. I’m 15, been struggling with depression and anxiety (and a taste functionality disorder for my whole life) for 6 years now, school etc is stressing me out. I’m gone myself but I want to try and claw back",1.34390909090909,3.90638185555556,3.0720202020202017,87.61045454545456,86.0,5.9393939393939394,23.73737373737373,7.348242739294969,1.2208888888888887,357,14,71,6,11,118,68,90,0.154,0.772,0.07400000000000001,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,2,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,10,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,1,10,1,8,7,2,10,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24252354554571146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812475563157714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899087831010173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928905068859492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25187741832462845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451035492538563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175771511993559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23739115843554576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431448338145357,0.0,0.12078078358751736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523125729272996,0.0,0.0,0.1940624452068816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671462877764225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236203098984044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768383843734016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224207022793653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373898921823265,0.2517477498112538,0.22975310751120126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984211280583312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962704789353374,0.1744445528534093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24536726428919026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152577491919002
suicidewatch,Chusis,2018/03/27,"I don't know if I actually am at this point... My life is fucked. I am homeless, I am addicted to drugs (I refuse to call myself an addict) I'm not a bad person for sticking a needle in my arm. It's scummy panhandling for money, but I haven't had much of a choice, my sibling is addicted too, and tells me using is the one thing that keeps them going. I've already lost my parents, one to suicide, I can't lose anyone else.

I can't continue just existing like this though, no one knows this about me, I'm not a bad person, I just want to work to support my habit, I never wanted to be a begger, it's not the only thing I buy, I have to get food too, but I'm so tired of going hungry, being sick, being thrown off businesses properties. I've basically worn out my welcome at most of the places I can walk to, the walls are closing in on me, is my only option crime/prostitution, or suicide? I'm not an animal, I really just need a break to get back on my feet.

I'm so depressed I can't stand it, I cried so much last night I only stopped because I was too tired to continue. I'm trapped, and I know it's my fault, but I can't stop using even if I wanted to, because as long as my sibling uses, I have to be well enough to panhandle.

I have to go out and try to get us food, I'm not looking forward to being treated like shit some more. I am homeless, addicted, depressed and sorry I exist.",3.7411111111111097,3.5299366632996647,5.783720538720541,82.9844696969697,71.25589225589226,8.620202020202019,27.94781144781145,8.344100000000001,1.7474700336700333,1067,34,236,15,18,376,146,297,0.214,0.687,0.099,-0.9922,1,1,1,0,0,2,44.0,1,0,1,3,14,15,2,0,12,0,26,15,3,3,1,39,55,16,2,6,14,1,0,2,0,0,9,0,0,2,10,7,2,4,3,0,2,5,13,9,1,3,4,1,41,6,33,46,6,29,0,4,1,1,9,14,2,6,12,161,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0925293899472604,0.41346558883399626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463481193537086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662994515137902,0.09715298063967703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290974049955833,0.15833933609154832,0.11560121951495725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682051134099742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415390819008374,0.0,0.0,0.16333444388386514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995960867416912,0.0,0.07920887111267433,0.0,0.0,0.0979730812166262,0.0,0.06262686826748114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293103377383295,0.0,0.0,0.08765837590190509,0.14861659827373574,0.0,0.16166298576744345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842792322532733,0.0,0.0,0.15632966128277953,0.07728990957343787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697326388152493,0.09264727121513357,0.0,0.0,0.08391158070109392,0.0796238415067336,0.1060778905423551,0.10350583030826993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394053338317203,0.07030687715082723,0.07313003987536193,0.0,0.0,0.08898094263116267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927548495332139,0.21634172073265664,0.0,0.0,0.10528496409841688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558409256814846,0.09906537804377273,0.0,0.08963433560495146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074329802944571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733005033437776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614179066660158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854538608847146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074325732147875,0.1075991563055011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287573789013537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598668459116324,0.0,0.09315890795065594,0.0,0.0,0.2179603334001725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437568472303094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140552417312288,0.2456787830665567,0.0,0.0,0.16777960771879855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525341377907536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902915520150685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kompot_xd,2018/03/27,"My friend with anorexia Hi,

So I have a friend that's lesbian and really dislikes her self because of this. That's why she got anorexia because she only can control eating. I am depressed my self and we've talked a lot about her problems and mine problems like the will to die (don't worry about me though I have a psychologist). I've told her to promise not to hunger her self. And she replied with that she forbids me to kill my self. Idk how to help her, I am not saying things like ""go eat something"" because I understand her she just has a different method of hurting her self. And every time I want to help her she resists. So how can I help her I don't want her to die and I also have heard about how they cure people like her. I don't want all this happen to her. Please help I am really worrying about her and everything is so hard. Because I am trying to save someone while planning suicides and cutting myself. Fml

Edit: idk if psycholgist is a good word maybe therapist fits beter idk what the difference is.",3.1560294117647056,4.9359425441176485,3.9556862745098056,88.07558823529413,74.5392156862745,6.760784313725492,26.70588235294117,7.5105763829236425,1.3905176470588234,805,30,162,10,17,257,104,204,0.172,0.639,0.189,0.2485,1,0,2,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,2,13,15,2,0,7,0,17,4,0,4,1,29,26,18,4,6,4,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,5,7,10,3,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,3,3,39,8,17,22,2,4,0,2,0,1,36,1,0,2,5,110,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238349815296271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511953908048542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155435039818694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872929635917998,0.0,0.2138329449385725,0.21526387400884087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108263692836725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679715108660492,0.0,0.09258598158265632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918298128670613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854753242644682,0.08640665350753231,0.08239294625041589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109852226331584,0.0,0.0922839388747988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27620331219055944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028295424898983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397421002034425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098824820492682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758226298671469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034954787811701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834986994493158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714197453703996,0.0,0.0,0.11308288424095238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971487238010968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199200277734188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192408898472937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373514728949501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728686029301362,0.07930832865452077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268502727084825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280200712698065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961189730866995,0.06844061551615037,0.0,0.1012147120411246,0.0,0.060070653978322563,0.0,0.0,0.09843816245734237,0.0,0.06994249433605476,0.0,0.0,0.10724542420163596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228814672909088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295776758076307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923966278004855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway68wo00,2018/03/27,"I don't think I can take this any more I'm a 22 year old male. I have a seizure disorder. Recently, due to my disorder, I've lost it all. My job. My driving privileges. My life. I can't go to the gym anymore (unless I get a ride which can be hard and also kind of embarrassing) and I'm starting to gain weight like it's going out of style. I can't coach, which is something I love to do, because I can't drive. And the worst part, no one seems to give a damn. My neurologist, won't give me seizure meds. He just keeps ordering EEGs. Therapy isn't working and will not work. 

I feel like a prisoner in my own home and body. I'm stuck in the house 23-24 hours a day, and I'm constantly in fear of having a seizure. I think I'm ready to give up. I can't do this any more and be imprisoned in my own body. I want to end it. The ONLY thing stopping me, is my fish. I don't think my family would take good enough care of them if I was gone. How damn pathetic is that? I've tried before to end it. But I'm to big of a pussy to pull the trigger. I'm sorry for all this. I just needed to rant. If I told this to my parents I'd be sent to a hospital and drugged even more. Thanks for reading this. ",-0.5518506493506479,1.239730719696972,2.0325974025974034,97.28318181818184,86.5,5.892640692640692,19.65584415584416,7.1686216300943375,0.1804344155844153,906,27,232,14,28,312,137,264,0.159,0.7340000000000001,0.108,-0.8878,2,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,4,5,14,2,2,14,0,23,6,2,2,2,30,55,14,0,5,7,1,3,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,13,9,1,2,5,3,0,8,10,6,0,1,6,3,29,8,27,43,10,27,0,1,0,1,10,7,2,3,13,135,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281068932705852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784539169821846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509729451016527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074723063195137,0.0,0.09875590404724424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578261841820115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832778045239475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254163172099309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484712219671698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660226053907852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458919945155115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558399452154968,0.11991783826568952,0.0,0.07665451128745325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940814991347173,0.1305963180988421,0.05868187367028928,0.08291109785501788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063495868482975,0.3339971630390549,0.1319156618673257,0.09734305114828352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039642182331656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164145689327569,0.0,0.11429270350167547,0.1339141213749998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516860052779705,0.10315673669748182,0.0,0.12085543892001199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819744457001637,0.1133991127702582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668985464505986,0.0,0.10474591538397778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891309209100574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605474706360301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178223084789318,0.0,0.07864318301929875,0.08826652911451993,0.0,0.0,0.1288674923742248,0.12567835139663855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608834207733335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145922225165836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056538752148729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893462989170031,0.0,0.12991623748409975,0.08214569623372639,0.0,0.0,0.09702879469867168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452074394760828,0.0,0.0,0.10684963339589858,0.13272122011770224,0.0,0.07710307096001433,0.22309379413499172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089737530678476,0.0,0.07879504097447312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845338744362964,0.0,0.0,0.1413260814240145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898166243783946,0.0,0.0,0.08244351708790704,0.0,0.0,0.07473686133591649
suicidewatch,LadyLynxx,2018/03/27,"I feel so useless and incompetent with everything I do If anyone has some constructive advice for me maybe....

It feels like everything I do fails... I'm 23, I've done nothing with my life. Spent 4 years as a stripper cause that's all I have ever been good for, the only thing really I was a little bit good at but I was still shit cause I wasn't as good as the other girls...I'm trying to better myself by doing an automotive collision repair course/training but I feel so useless and I'm sure my tutor thinks I'm just a dumb bimbo, even though I really am trying. Everything I try to do, I ruin and I've had enough...I live in a garage and haven't lived in a house for over a year, I have no money, no friends...no life..I'm sad all the time and constantly imagine all the ways I could take my own life. I was a self harmer in the past and everything in me is screaming to get drunk and cut my throat open and just end it...but a small part of me doesn't want to give up. I feel like I'm going nowhere...I feel like nothing...I'm a nobody. The last time I made an attempt on my life it failed and left me with a bit of a heart murmur...I can't even kill myself properly..just want to roll over and die...",0.7085546875000013,2.5553685585937522,2.7387562500000016,93.66561875000002,82.1640625,5.971,18.443125,7.087006719466742,0.06181550000000025,925,21,215,12,25,311,135,256,0.199,0.6940000000000001,0.106,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,0,4,9,19,4,0,19,0,20,7,3,3,5,38,38,19,2,4,5,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,14,1,0,7,1,2,1,6,11,0,0,9,6,27,8,26,28,8,25,0,6,0,0,2,13,2,2,13,127,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009271330578702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221800442751262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134558394113204,0.2255169758874485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122005633795873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161243099508188,0.0,0.08246321901819402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071916397504693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569455744288607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147824586421847,0.10671913947293647,0.0,0.1364351392524407,0.09342555393469687,0.0,0.0,0.37129706787147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611154083213923,0.22135658406983355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396120132256855,0.09907864234776463,0.058698214215189816,0.2598871061000557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239107155117294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917492846019136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142675415601151,0.0,0.0,0.08418958082353965,0.0,0.0,0.1122174827389689,0.0,0.2918078721369161,0.15137684151323186,0.10351688486758268,0.182401889236515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772904695950388,0.0,0.0,0.10376184156749503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910300160038422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855151633482707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184562451593216,0.09859548684830853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233170609623487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774688721326103,0.0,0.10601870521532296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248208498228157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734317958566137,0.0,0.07765610139252434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861675879565751,0.06617969457579505,0.10147520489582557,0.0,0.12045051154618278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036750884967745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183819701295988,0.0819813848412558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330219697757712
suicidewatch,whisky-penguin,2018/03/27,"I almost died on a night out and want to do it again I (22F) went out with my friends and jumped into river when drunk. I almost drowned. After that I've become hooked with the idea of death, no GP or nurse has taken my impulses seriously because, according to them, I only have an 'unhealthy relationship with alcohol'. When I'm sober I'm scared I'll kill myself when drunk, and after a few glasses I can feel myself optioning towards harming myself. I'm not like that sober. I'm not sure how to get help, as I'm denied mental health services rn because all my attempts have been when I've been under influence.

** I'm drunk right now and all of these feelings surface.",2.9456818181818183,5.073391598484854,4.165151515151518,84.7927272727273,76.19696969696969,6.521212121212122,25.393939393939394,7.492282038375204,1.3799575757575764,529,19,100,7,12,173,85,132,0.29100000000000004,0.662,0.047,-0.9876,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,1,4,0,7,5,0,2,3,25,19,11,4,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,10,4,0,3,3,0,2,3,4,0,0,4,2,12,3,17,15,3,19,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,4,10,62,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248044557397337,0.42127829549553936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564596947543336,0.2323194688844797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831424379107986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272260800407888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251898038443047,0.0,0.1099012841693486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359646786633394,0.0,0.0,0.14099585368100218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374640642387015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327255370254105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276834014100016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119873585461476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974029814035676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599836976764351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584147570068103,0.0,0.17964116862395438,0.0,0.0,0.210601052871696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825615774638716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407224065082224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950002675944033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,literalthrowaway101,2018/03/27,"The thought entered my mind again today and it felt like a relief I don't own a firearm, but the idea of having it against the side of my head and blowing my brain out felt good. Like I didn't have the crushing weight of this sadness for a moment. A year ago I was in the same place and I had meds, but not before I hadn't already figured out that my car would be better- a little more peaceful, a little less likely to be prevented if I drove somewhere secluded.

I have nothing. I'm sure a lot of people say that, but I'm completely alone and will be that way forever- I don't know that I can enjoy my own company for that long, no.",5.57545842217484,4.417816417910451,6.141385927505333,85.1273880597015,67.65671641791045,8.851172707889125,32.575692963752665,7.447530270364453,1.961208102345416,496,18,110,4,7,162,82,134,0.092,0.713,0.196,0.9252,0,1,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,12,0,15,3,2,0,1,23,22,8,0,2,5,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,1,6,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,8,4,14,8,11,9,6,17,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,2,9,77,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561424699168058,0.0,0.0,0.18181658123719152,0.19372349662226365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493798936560502,0.0,0.0,0.15525947369101614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959715607574364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406055596648413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371105487377481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724278785124256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180164673027794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817428152768274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964775427008618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572941977961313,0.35189390377168184,0.0,0.15535599022778096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924610599993202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949961794508468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725518758302278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684447042299448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170408167753888,0.0,0.1834121080152545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960419440654862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545354660625702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936687957999164,0.0,0.0,0.16640062119658214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139343207561264,0.0,0.21377228245357435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247054941579057,0.0,0.0,0.11304827297419398
suicidewatch,MortinEnew,2018/03/27,"Im 100% sure that it won't get better People always say that it gets better, No it doesn't! Ive learned from experience it only gets worse at least for me. I remember very vividly thinking to myself when i was a kid that i will never be happy and I was right. Now i know for sure that I have nothing to look forward to and if I don't kill myself im just gonna keep suffering nothing ever changes no matter what I do. I have a pretty severe social anxiety and it's a fucking curse I wouldnt wish on anyone this fucking disease literally prevents you from being human I cant do this anymore I don't have any hope left I have nothing and no one to live for I give up.",1.2803365384615404,2.9650788819444465,3.8077777777777797,87.49192307692309,79.625,5.819658119658119,23.57692307692308,6.67199483983844,0.7495615384615384,525,18,111,5,13,184,88,144,0.204,0.6709999999999999,0.124,-0.9108,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,2,4,10,3,0,3,0,18,2,0,0,4,20,31,6,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,12,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,2,3,19,6,12,23,1,10,0,1,2,2,6,6,2,2,5,78,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116287448921146,0.0,0.0,0.09503826872108896,0.0,0.10691227832678328,0.0,0.13859951800988646,0.0977200239370488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720407937139025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784237786916374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641650014013084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670731666112565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584026985392261,0.2190488338765743,0.13406583827156196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877191570096515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880836028015858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30191900660477994,0.0,0.0,0.12422076510652474,0.15461832523619565,0.0,0.07680575476780248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184433835213762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340632452843507,0.0,0.1173590960459059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778775817853163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022963981929215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470168093547518,0.10629006045487543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968885980082301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218119200423002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831529852180126,0.11935010223255425,0.0,0.11113887460206028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788349710491192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246273713873067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634350786795037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954943285070238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153126039263288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607114819354844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242239897216685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mybfcallsmeshithead,2018/03/27,"21 with no family, no money and endless mental illness - I wish I could cease to exist I was stupid enough to try overdosing two years ago and ended up in a shitty NHS psych unit where i was left to rot 
I'm two years behind at uni when I used to be a fucking child prodigy
abused as a kid but managed to escape
no money to live off no matter how much i work 
i feel okay for a bit and then it comes back the bipolar fucking awfullness
but overwhelmingly I am so so lonely. I have nobody who understands, who I can confide in and will care 
I have no way of killing myself so i'll just take a walk through a rough neighbourhood at night and hope i get stabbed for my smartphone",4.2457777777777785,4.640590371428576,5.142380952380954,85.90039682539684,70.28571428571428,7.936507936507938,27.698412698412696,7.793537801064563,1.4907460317460322,532,17,113,6,9,174,96,140,0.242,0.657,0.101,-0.9668,0,2,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,4,1,7,1,9,4,0,2,0,18,21,14,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,5,7,0,2,2,2,14,3,19,16,3,19,0,2,0,2,4,8,2,1,8,77,17,3,0.0,0.21453507807082484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050518852872447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922953549242362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976785365306114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461012470686505,0.0,0.0,0.15597339956373607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456746228501682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037183627232754,0.18709086735310754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069408487383347,0.0,0.09155303999522757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33478750233424404,0.09460016271416072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179840630550736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003240802575125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673009247924336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598856954462193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247319640878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331052596098202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991934445699775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361400348292039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293277440822335,0.0,0.3537527783127836,0.18849738867402246,0.0,0.15638396466796647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372275181856292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821839685798865,0.0,0.0,0.13181911152459028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320273968924926
suicidewatch,siracha_ass,2018/03/27,"Want to just do it already I have no friends, I spend more time with my cat than humans unless I'm working, my girlfriend has shown time and time again that she doesn't really care about me. I'm just so tired of being depressed and alone I'm thinking about just ending it today.",4.039210526315788,5.0233679649122855,4.25171052631579,89.96072368421055,71.10526315789474,6.401754385964912,24.77631578947368,5.985473137389443,0.5733894736842098,222,6,46,1,4,69,43,57,0.225,0.7040000000000001,0.07,-0.8653,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,7,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29374375692606697,0.31298062759436457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891684805328969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442806357129209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120225821187026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191233417764587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169359879148206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817316080796671,0.0,0.0,0.4961415725234933,0.3259783272721813,0.26883765656856873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728583903733202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647801546793915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bananawhales,2018/03/27,"Struggling My depression has been so bad these last few weeks... the suicidal thoughts have been rampant. I feel guilty, I have a good life and I'm loved, I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I almost couldn't even get myself out of bed at all today, I left for work an hour late cause I just laid in bed crying and flopping around.",1.2974369747899177,3.4622930294117684,1.9073949579831933,98.68970588235297,81.94117647058823,5.0621848739495805,18.537815126050425,6.18269132825596,-0.374447899159664,258,6,59,2,7,79,55,68,0.228,0.708,0.064,-0.8859,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,1,1,14,14,4,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,9,2,6,9,2,11,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,1,5,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300068248800473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044776586704906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178611565686976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359605111062192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523096783822452,0.0,0.0,0.1978363640943264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171168576619787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228185344639565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000639810934352,0.0,0.0,0.1926576549676411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262037605848455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872324578649232,0.2591064849835449,0.0,0.2495647905964757,0.0,0.1622406970971985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730912157844314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401275682034344,0.0,0.2512495533931749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235253890441894,0.0,0.0,0.21772443956494766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232156560051066,0.1842478439010284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672210313616296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,firefly_blue_eyes,2018/03/27,"So tired... I'm not even sure why I'm posting this.  My life has gone to hell.  I'm homeless and staying with my best friend, my van (Firefly) is on the blitz. My parents keep telling me I need Christ, fuck Christ. Is he going to fix my van?   Norbert my baby bird, who I've had for almost 15 years is here safe with her.  I've decided on CO poisoning, combined with sleeping pills and alcohol. I guess I just want to tell someone who won't judge.",0.5765217391304347,2.7130714347826093,2.1066956521739115,96.34482608695652,84.65217391304347,4.984347826086957,23.33043478260869,6.2581,0.390087826086956,340,13,77,3,10,110,66,92,0.138,0.747,0.115,-0.5043,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,1,15,16,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,11,4,9,13,1,7,3,0,0,1,8,2,2,2,1,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23686419547227136,0.2219389829354788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259597450081504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639016583936934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123738678160047,0.20490125948310944,0.0,0.0,0.12596229036769566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415984038091065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700251869017216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654985595872598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434216959084294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24610337034467836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122684554825004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179860544869734,0.0,0.18779361632919173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623719448821565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889170166800064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874437074509325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547408982401828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072815378812233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999943093528504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272795353493484
suicidewatch,depressedrick,2018/03/27,"I think I need to go to a mental hospital I wanna die i wanted to die since I am 14 years old in fact I want to die since I ever remember. Death fascinated already at a young age. I have no fucking idea what made me so depressed and so envious to die since my early ages. Since I am fourteen the symptoms of my envy to suicide and depressions are mostly that when I wamt to kill myself I usually imagine a bullet and a gun. The bullet goes through my head. I want it to happen so fucking bad that I get a headache. From 14 years old to my 18 years old I was able to control these pulsion of wanting to die because I was forced to socialize and socializing made me forget about my problems which for me are still nonexistent and I see myself as a spoiled little brat who do not deserve to even think about death and that people should kill me for what I am thinking. At my last year of high school I started to skip school just because. Just because I was sad and didn’t feel like socializing. Since I got to uni this year, my whole life has been a failure and psychologically I just cant stand it. I isolated myself I mean I isolate myself most of the time. Since nobody is monitoring me like nobody is living me I am just with myself, I started doing most basic human things. I just socialize once a week so people do not suspect anything. I cannot even focus on work. I try to I cant. I go to the internet to the point where I just forget that I have duties. There are weeks when I dont eat and weeks where I overeat. Most of the time I oversleep. I dont wanna wake up but lately it is harder for me to find sleep. I wanna fucking die. I wanna die so much I cant even focus on writing proper sentences. I have to soon tell my father that I fuckign failed this year thus I wasted money a year, and a lot of things including my mental health. I have to explain that I have to take a break next year to really find what I wanna do and what is my problem. But cant because I dont know how. Since I remember I dont know how to express feelings nor emotion to my parents or even my closest friends. I wanna fucking die. And I forgot how to live. ",2.3333337382326143,3.8975797460674215,4.135596720315821,86.83385970239904,76.25842696629212,6.4287883389007,25.28545399331916,7.113659591113569,1.081020042514424,1677,59,348,18,37,567,195,445,0.18600000000000005,0.7759999999999999,0.038,-0.9959,1,0,0,1,0,7,30.0,0,0,0,3,28,17,7,0,17,0,36,12,3,7,2,73,66,27,13,14,11,2,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,20,13,2,3,16,0,1,2,14,14,0,0,9,3,75,3,53,56,7,47,0,4,1,4,13,12,4,6,33,253,95,5,0.05759224234691372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355447155164783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047393508274436745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808711673010302,0.1404307855312457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459459695982996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920822788531478,0.0,0.4781732393093425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26999071642377365,0.0,0.0,0.058931241839956724,0.0,0.06478352093638133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215653161905093,0.052095480420883404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824073636772365,0.0411439094401093,0.0,0.0,0.10527653226727396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04449562357349142,0.21297240008276916,0.030089569594119406,0.0,0.06546199707899356,0.0,0.04606177735629062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509286297060746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910625601025282,0.061217860480103026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060849366073035864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501463145783368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743456631251862,0.0,0.06330238045321486,0.0469453642469251,0.06496655790882383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067910397457812,0.0562733210283486,0.057722556856547626,0.10171001026223504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048962864925269994,0.0,0.10899034446162632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273483566017671,0.0,0.0,0.11607886889144907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042336924773317484,0.042703917951583514,0.0,0.0,0.061250003105686915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813001108554356,0.06133385849200799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394936954387695,0.0,0.0,0.07985441860753242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444328447567109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021599584754642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03689506518108112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048156728475416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657284791630343,0.045893560657737226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33348628607824576,0.0,0.057633834775566765,0.23483215324231874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815281711175802,0.0,0.04599323913317757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299656552834032,0.0,0.0,0.05986039147418944,0.04330219880188409,0.0,0.050338158292039005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652345346289872,0.11070835026923924,0.0,0.0,0.06716499931405961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039101352099479146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342971837441341,0.0,0.1358775867990251,0.0,0.1385910687005645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429968184278323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041927838348849035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967001266846068
suicidewatch,TowerHaunt,2018/03/27,"I've considered it for a long time I have lived with a narcissist grandparent almost my whole life. I tried to get help when I was a child and she make it look like I was abusing her. I never got help. 

I'm 24 now and I'm beginning to just roll downhill and where I used to be strong enough to endure it, I'm loosing footing now. 
My depression is beginning to spiral out of control and there is beginning to be no footholds to keep me in place. Hearing my name shouted is enough to give me a panic attack now. 

I've considered suicide more and more and even though I used to be able to simply dismiss it as a moment of weakness, I'm breaking down more and more. 

If I got help, she would attack me, I can't even simply leave because I have no friends or other family thanks to her. 

There is noone that can help me now and if I attempted and lived, she would twist it against me and make herself look like a victim any way she could. 

I just don't know what to do now.",3.9434386900228517,4.271734935643568,4.898712871287131,87.61692688499622,70.93069306930694,8.195582635186595,27.914699162223915,8.139509932561175,1.5827337395277985,755,25,167,10,13,247,104,202,0.141,0.735,0.124,-0.6958,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,14,11,3,1,6,0,18,3,1,5,1,30,39,16,1,5,5,0,0,2,1,2,2,2,0,1,8,12,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,4,27,5,21,29,7,21,0,1,2,0,16,5,0,4,16,117,35,0,0.13165804894743813,0.15599325911923068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318365180550913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953198803112973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995600749015528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025752463252858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476656970056848,0.10511823897158326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133968846379995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720759179551985,0.0,0.17391779926630122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411549128135305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171868202487948,0.0,0.06878589658945987,0.12629839736179194,0.0,0.0,0.21059793786985584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483881897793029,0.0,0.3529904599076176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702372322642325,0.0,0.0,0.07235582054607513,0.0,0.0,0.13940686391378387,0.0,0.0,0.09299397356265528,0.12864294482158234,0.0,0.23251293861572275,0.11651323028129637,0.22111920437781848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576554002783948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154280380952653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544723531284722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755463916278368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401253658245847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121304265406894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293533646264319,0.0,0.07677086710723448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938717297400232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742056489698334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450403107672904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469915098698273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705220103659295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unstable_cube,2018/03/27,"Tried Cutting for unknown reason For some reason I had the urge to cut, just to see what it was like. And i finally did it. I am not sure why, its not as if I am more depressed than usual. I certainly have low self esteem, but I don't think I'm suicidal. I wanted to post this just to get my thoughts out there and see if this means anything.",2.9034246575342486,3.4367886575342474,4.3286575342465765,90.03243835616442,73.38356164383559,7.4838356164383555,25.558904109589037,7.554174236665415,1.0502295890410966,264,8,61,3,5,88,53,73,0.112,0.773,0.115,0.4952,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,2,19,15,6,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,2,8,3,9,11,2,5,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852706391621302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732065213704889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509642368516856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969357020867867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192507557001627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495534684580135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941131056273208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710991275031904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651208175331752,0.0,0.2389978223860114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505946060606223,0.0,0.21592092863950668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679591493423375,0.0,0.18187718956617446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554162109676534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523176486727927,0.0,0.13512716943692551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672413816953106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hunahpu11,2018/03/27,"I can't walk I don't have the motivation to stand up and walk. It's like being in pant leggings twice the normal size. Uncomfortable. Suddenly, the mood changes to euphoria. I'm running, laughing, and eating twice the serving. I start exercising. I also make plans to learn programming. From the library I check out three books. At Wallmart I decide to buy a fern. THe girl across the counter smiled at me and I should ask for her phone number. Tomorrow I will ask for her phone number. I call and meet my existing friends to see how they are doing. They are doing alright. 

A few days later I'm alone at my apartment thinking about the girl across the counter. She probably would have disliked me on second impression, but I don't know because I never asked for her phone number. I'm two YouTube videos into learning Python but my eyes hurt from staring at the bright screen.  I can't find the library books anywhere. My apartment is semi clean but I just don't know where the books went. I might have left them outside at the park. I should focus on my school work anyways. I have a 4.0 GPA to prove to no one but myself that I'm not dumb. I'm not dumb really. I just make mistakes and lose the library books. The fucking fern died. It's leaves are wilting on my porch. I don't know why because I was watering it. Its way past noon and time to eat but I'm not hungry. I've already slummed back into the deepest despair. My legs don't work. I dream of a hug or pill. There are many creative ways I could die.",1.4596345514950144,3.965668385382063,2.425794019933555,92.98839202657808,84.41528239202655,5.03468438538206,23.21794019933555,6.474141703775902,0.5903950830564786,1188,44,243,12,35,374,167,301,0.12,0.7509999999999999,0.129,-0.2465,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,3,5,9,15,3,0,20,1,26,10,3,4,2,41,45,14,2,6,11,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,2,2,5,9,3,0,10,7,2,4,12,7,0,6,2,5,38,7,30,36,1,36,0,3,5,2,18,19,3,2,11,151,43,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140568353131447,0.15066614535123588,0.109184365167169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829161763411925,0.0,0.0,0.1049844631671188,0.0,0.16645693550802804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139414148741376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443245366850022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900946674673838,0.0,0.0,0.0880516628083649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28339673439934665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794120643917947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478751632578018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548406626856324,0.12622137279749002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616002741324316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510278399591266,0.0,0.0,0.1445673752219616,0.14834211056370933,0.0,0.0,0.06670250069315617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527440684356434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822719632514664,0.1384217320572138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483857635231825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530167745901346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337720947337837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251742525506956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033497325150326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472042836853323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746571433291954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817738720313458,0.1087981020363801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663785238021763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748401167286164,0.0,0.0,0.07961274244050723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337164917520433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674504466610026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656626998680198,0.12319863890482123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879343286796697,0.0,0.0,0.0969882148345107,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rbello02,2018/03/27,"Not time sensitive or urgent I’m too anxious to commit suicide or to hurt myself in any way, but I constantly feel like everyone’s life would be better if I did. I only ever hear about how I don’t work hard enough or I ask for too much or I’m too bitchy and I’m convinced people would get over my death pretty quickly. I recently got a 97 on a test but since some people got a 100 I was incredibly disappointed in myself, and I put no work in all year but remained on the team to go to the state math meet, only to be cut out by one point after the final regular meet. I’m aware that these are amazing achievements and I would be impressed had it been anyone but myself. I struggle to feel good enough and recently I’ve been realizing how much of a negative effect I’ve had on the people around me. Things are piling on and I don’t know what to do, I don’t even feel comfortable talking to my therapist about it because she just says things like “that’s an amazing grade! Stop comparing yourself to others” and it doesn’t help at all. I’m scared that this trend of not wanting to talk about my problems and not being proud of anything I do will put me in a worse place, since it already feels like being gone would make everyone’s life better. ",4.729257812499998,5.0195727851562495,5.6765624999999975,82.8621875,69.1953125,8.5875,28.109375,8.472884824447931,1.83598125,987,31,203,14,16,326,140,256,0.17800000000000002,0.64,0.182,0.5301,0,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,8,13,18,1,2,10,0,24,2,0,4,4,44,43,18,2,7,13,0,5,3,0,5,2,2,0,0,13,9,0,1,7,1,0,4,9,6,0,1,9,7,22,12,31,24,7,30,0,2,0,0,10,14,0,6,13,138,35,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862077055421068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309866238606254,0.0,0.0,0.12143605524920385,0.0,0.07516133378960853,0.0,0.08845726089017078,0.09569121463003276,0.10049108198654727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552649869691805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013696042231115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616132635610593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213720601255985,0.0,0.07099785658213052,0.09723322181815487,0.0,0.2054275949354212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740597811342824,0.1535854872912365,0.0,0.11775290248597055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561604532892454,0.0,0.061090528690946,0.09015970317488724,0.1719433232533273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962922668453535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211519862932655,0.0,0.07205003212180515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507306459301575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907512849960485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518504218856714,0.15754638200246604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175215334843091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580388764754464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283977596867566,0.1635059507867704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235655281867826,0.0,0.1123069011301402,0.0,0.10161526322751334,0.0,0.0,0.10935863091599947,0.0,0.10285591269696163,0.0,0.2161195298729044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227197311716872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548243967222237,0.10761885706668978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778379992472448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986863701368139,0.0,0.11237461743716054,0.0,0.11757947100807588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279697990393053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480720777589993,0.14282663034750664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267980661622083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634019277229326,0.08532263220832688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565118038491158,0.0,0.1095441551995502,0.30543867042,0.0,0.0,0.06922171798379832
suicidewatch,ATL-CyberEnd,2018/03/27,Well time to buy the material to kms It says everything. I have a bit of motivation to walk to a store buy rope and hang myself. I'm so tired and stuff to say.,-0.5027142857142834,1.4812689428571453,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,88.14285714285714,6.928571428571428,17.32142857142857,8.07648339933343,0.4619999999999993,123,3,31,3,4,44,27,35,0.103,0.773,0.124,-0.0622,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,6,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787396121287947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117834187799297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517589619393282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971328752216717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022880088924392,0.3987259509251566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119168331998043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Art-jordan,2018/03/27,"Im done I trully feel like everything I do for everyone else's is in vain , I help everyone and try my best to be a good person but at the end of the I dwell on how I screwed up. All my friends shut me out when their around each other I don't have a friend I could trully Ely on to go to talk about shit with. I trully feel as everyday that my body grows stronger in an attempt to please others my mind gets weaker and my body gets uglier  it's an endless loop on a Mari go round that is hell that I just want to jump off but I just need that push to kill myself.",2.848659999999999,2.861569176000004,4.097350000000001,93.516425,73.24,7.53,22.825,7.1686216300943375,0.4129399999999999,437,9,110,4,8,144,83,125,0.24,0.613,0.147,-0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,2,7,11,4,1,7,0,8,4,3,1,1,18,16,7,1,3,4,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,6,0,0,1,3,18,5,21,13,3,19,1,0,1,1,6,11,3,0,4,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095992450312488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974975398185567,0.0,0.0,0.4016800219110769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443626917072913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850321997240912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104420198374108,0.0,0.1601446798081735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455448893558745,0.16250106647281146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284672192196544,0.12917125430349766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793879136045899,0.0,0.1889323352503696,0.0,0.2055178612575478,0.1516555001664632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119365163887988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530666506465166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000403339912483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833501191271173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825673401210104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340688991528423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578769951637142,0.0,0.19847593528585056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559966295796745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532885253488773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275864798420585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664688016649868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alpha-Omega01,2018/03/27,"I might actually do it. I just have contemplated suicide for the 4th time today.

Why?
Because Life sucks! I'm in high school, and I have no friends, my GF of like 3 weeks broke up with me, because I'm pathetic. I can barely pass most of my classes, I mean FFS I can't even get my head around Python, one of the easiest programming languages. I get called names behind my back, and I'm left in the gutter. My family doesn't get me, and they don't even know I'm like this. They just think I'm naturally asocial, and prefer to lock my self away because it's all I like to do, WHEN IN REALITY NOONE LIKES ME!, and because of that I can't even hold a proper conversation. The headaches are getting worse, my stress levels are sky high, I can't think straight anymore and every day all I think is, would the earth be better of without me! The only reason I haven't fucking ended it, is because my siblings have had enough death in these recent years. Even with the people who I call ""friends"", prefer to stay away from me, Online and IRL. 
However, this time killing myself may actually be a good thing.
...
I'm only posting this because I thought it may help me if I let at least someone know what I'm going through.

I'm sorry this post is a mismash of random comments, and is slight coherent, but I'm afraid it's all I can do right now. 

I don't know what to do, and that really scares me

I'm told I used to be a stand up guy, and actually nice, but ever since this started I have been a husk of my former self

I don't expect anyone to even read this, but I just don't know what to do anymore",3.6682727272727287,4.19597213030303,4.956363636363637,86.24454545454546,71.63636363636363,7.696969696969697,27.12121212121212,7.686295010490155,1.3505757575757582,1233,40,270,14,22,411,163,330,0.094,0.8390000000000001,0.067,-0.8019,2,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,0,0,2,1,13,16,3,3,12,0,36,3,1,2,4,47,65,15,3,5,8,0,0,4,3,4,1,0,0,3,19,13,0,1,12,1,0,2,11,7,0,1,4,0,40,9,31,53,6,38,0,1,0,1,16,17,2,6,19,172,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.26766065953680523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134336771770124,0.06392835447282998,0.0,0.0,0.08139001239557765,0.0,0.0,0.17179861602281246,0.0703022367267749,0.0,0.3344007636521608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086034661311761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867157518779929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896328519664816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097778074206298,0.09446922594086757,0.0,0.3019355773474243,0.0827015641889221,0.07703175739860955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618987286151976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127358609074578,0.0845234100617555,0.19106874155690196,0.0,0.051960453283325464,0.07668519401030371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052777010036868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938311689595106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612820417231387,0.19319671163362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115117358201238,0.0,0.20098503125674186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933643378066642,0.09349098963560754,0.06457806898643742,0.17866777054556907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959153838903408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969903124206182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195375711242115,0.13906972978383855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338443635498688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512487479269842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145241421469237,0.0,0.05857090819925495,0.0940028746778732,0.0902737967640853,0.0,0.0,0.07807873283787134,0.0,0.0,0.09153504994706932,0.09252968574958136,0.0,0.0,0.1907580042876193,0.0,0.0,0.07562991555232718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746637028983566,0.0,0.0,0.10234579416850913,0.06471297723346389,0.09744973413993152,0.0,0.0,0.10473009004774024,0.0,0.0,0.10000703449958374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074048312243777,0.1757494827204034,0.0,0.07258335946477466,0.10662442225590706,0.0,0.08666274325630595,0.08736305920470637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789641541607904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333776411793055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249925384593361,0.0,0.0,0.0881330137707671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317260925180317,0.06494759541846785,0.0,0.0,0.05887642357270596
suicidewatch,bigthrowawayplshelp,2018/03/27,"One more reason thrown on the pile. I’m a very lonely person and I have been most of my life. I also want to mention that I’m extremely sexually inactive and when you reach a certain point, you start taking risky moves. I’ve been seeking literally any form of relationship so I reached out on here on one of the nsfw kik subreddits - here’s the risky choice. I then met this person who wanted to video chat with me, so I obliged. They didn’t have a camera, but I stupidly let that slide. Things then got sexual when they asked me to undress and show my face. I did. Then they asked to to do things. I did. And it wasn’t until I got scared and hung up that they messaged me showing a video of me from that call. I’m now being blackmailed and I’m terrified because they want money to delete the video but I don’t think they’ll ever do right by me. 

This is just making me want to end it more. Nothing ever works.",1.655147754137115,3.6660189946808543,3.0450354609929104,91.83388888888894,79.79787234042553,5.879905437352246,20.550827423167853,6.937597516519254,0.3095026004728134,713,19,155,8,18,232,106,188,0.101,0.853,0.045,-0.9321,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,6,1,11,4,1,1,8,0,15,2,1,3,3,23,32,17,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,8,0,0,2,6,1,2,3,3,0,2,9,0,26,1,20,20,4,20,0,1,0,0,19,7,0,1,11,107,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253162938529764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269987920791386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098642966007489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102549413364133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922555041437973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678471826378045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998186833030669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650936573765815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946683952202202,0.11705771108233642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062389859568336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614131744952266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901929504200665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22460148203112512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894124273525228,0.0,0.0,0.15666535498198994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039471011842353,0.0,0.17792851777654636,0.0,0.14152974676480318,0.0,0.0,0.16592139713656656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730225308941265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460589790150145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020298952702086,0.10619101548481696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674193257650874,0.3909997454227438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065105442867308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DragonOrca,2018/03/27,"I'm not hardwired for this of life. I started thinking about what was the point of life in middle school (around 13 or 14 years old). I didn't understand why we had to stay stuck in school for so long, then jump right into work for many many years, until retirement when you're too old to do anything really. 

I've kind of did small jobs here and there before, but always kind of been avoiding it despite my need of money. Now I'm 24 and I found a possibly long lasting job and I hate it. I just dread going to it. I'm sure I could stand it better if I worked part time, but who can afford to live alone and work part time? I don't know but it's definitely not the case in my country ! So now I'm left being tired, dreading the next day where I'll work all day long just for a few bucks... I always thought (well since middle school) that I'd kill myself if I knew of a painless but effective way. But that until then, I would never be able to do it because I'm way to scared of pain and uncertainty for this! But these days, feeling so depressed and stuck and unhappy, it got me searching, digging and I eventually found one, one that isn't even that hard to pull off. And I've been obsessed with it... 

I hate so much that it's all written from the moment you're born... They say ""you have choices in life"" but that's not true, ultimately it all goes back to following the script or ending in the streets or dying. I really wish I was normal, I wish I was like everyone else ! Why can everyone do it or cope with it? And why can't I? I don't know but I hate it.. ",2.4765853658536585,3.5991289512195164,3.809117073170732,91.1212487804878,75.03658536585365,6.9553170731707326,22.87609756097561,7.404127859558343,0.648389609756097,1208,32,277,14,25,397,169,328,0.197,0.716,0.08800000000000001,-0.9925,3,2,0,0,0,1,44.0,1,1,1,6,18,18,4,5,9,0,22,5,0,1,6,57,49,33,2,8,19,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,24,15,0,1,10,0,2,4,9,11,1,2,16,3,27,7,34,29,7,51,0,1,0,0,5,16,0,6,28,171,51,9,0.08730064597977727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041714073778108,0.0,0.0,0.14528226192822352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184099314424364,0.07771608373377092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671288080111693,0.0,0.053217663493971785,0.0,0.07428641973238817,0.0,0.0,0.07721032695736804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697024620966357,0.0,0.0,0.16890508336413187,0.0,0.07519191845949247,0.0,0.09060428753254053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292848754188584,0.0,0.07732246013353666,0.0,0.0,0.057661253317641416,0.0,0.0,0.1668390168413405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044141829698289635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144130453676647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049614968954483515,0.0,0.06982230165581214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820423120347159,0.25857394198940314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326484084853888,0.0,0.09658523010983107,0.18182037720517516,0.09595630384270724,0.07116167833552196,0.0,0.0,0.09485240729527067,0.0,0.18498908412703105,0.042650685899760586,0.0,0.07708806982212184,0.2317749735029545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701830529057774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417601973620525,0.06473232281153624,0.06733164009371374,0.0,0.09284522740372822,0.0,0.08553609737796562,0.0,0.0,0.1832146848128749,0.0,0.11831435414874665,0.0,0.09289404247568124,0.0,0.0,0.18907618442050586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082527328513396,0.09841836117910452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185405855089008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455427466410415,0.0,0.06942497767447535,0.08740317634658414,0.26505874347174946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221599649445498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179184655844525,0.09305087289388514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227982567523302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593872889825622,0.0,0.06930696133115863,0.1018114174480119,0.10033925010993056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908830512875896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385903785363164,0.0,0.0,0.07849376512191802,0.0,0.2363257627497021,0.0,0.20078286891697605,0.0,0.0,0.25422364007581305,0.0,0.0,0.06201587412613516,0.0,0.0,0.1124375074937327
suicidewatch,Juppmeister,2018/03/27,"Unsure if my state counts as ""suicidal"" I don't want to kill myself. But if I don't get better any time soon, I will have to. The level of suffering that my list of mental illnesses cause me is just not bearable anymore. I can't live this way much longer. 

I'm scheduled to begin an intensive inpatient clinic for daily therapy sessions, and it's my very last hope. The way I see it, I'm going to do everything I possibly can to be as productive in therapy as possible and learn as much as I possibly can to cope with my insanity, and if it doesn't result in any long-term improvement, even mild improvement, I will have no other option than to end it all. I'm not going to do it today or tomorrow or the next day. Not even next month or the one after that. But I highly doubt I'll be alive this time next year if I can't make any improvement. I haven't told the clinic this, because they don't take suicidal patients. I doubt they'd take me if they knew what the stakes are for me. 

A lot of suicidal people report that making that decision provides them a lot of relief, but so far it's just made me even sadder because I think I had a fair amount of potential. It would be sad to have to end it, but it is definitely better than living the next few decades dealing with the torture that is my mind.  ",6.838960964408728,5.186408992537314,7.7723880597014965,76.05665327210104,65.41791044776119,11.529735935706086,32.92881745120551,10.560738912317856,3.170660964408726,1022,33,212,22,13,348,137,268,0.123,0.7829999999999999,0.094,-0.8409,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,4,2,7,10,2,2,12,0,26,3,0,5,1,41,44,21,4,8,17,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,19,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,11,6,0,1,4,1,28,4,29,33,7,28,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,14,18,146,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066638103001756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046305515711683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350390968683055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918444030361466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406370385071688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653305587902949,0.10443655391957148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794446713012419,0.0,0.0,0.20072443305345744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104252009571484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052925424743720174,0.0,0.11514302287178653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702973117405233,0.0,0.10061443326303483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207419448166432,0.0,0.0,0.08257357536289743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890071431493554,0.08964791485825295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224443272500406,0.0,0.09585315362442554,0.1352379822393444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208726018219974,0.0,0.1022848101404262,0.0,0.08085723703697613,0.0,0.1489353125482174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43093769351306394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864396306640602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022913719730413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34260389105489913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072352724138436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324195094470166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523310100370877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23169231412345584,0.0,0.0,0.0649093859844947,0.0,0.0,0.11813848335348087,0.0,0.096021200724348,0.09679714175419676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358367081576135,0.05974976621047751,0.16081553069453847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196109725948079,0.0,0.0,0.0652343172323381
suicidewatch,lateE02,2018/03/27,"Probably going to kill myself soon Firstly sorry for all the spelling errors im not very good at english.

Im 16y and have had depression, anxiety ect for a long time the first time i though about killing myself was when i was in the 2nd grade and was thinking about taking a kitchen knife from school or home to slit my wrists open and bleed to death on my bed at night. Ive always been a bit of a missfit i was bullied a lot when i was a kid because i was kinder than the other kids and i was very emotional because i had trauma from my father always yelling to me about everything and anything. At a young age i believe when i was around 6 years old my father pretty much decided that i had to start ice hockey which i hated and continued to play about 6 years until i finally had the balls to that i hated it and id rather be a dancer wich i always wanted to be and still am. I have lots of diffrent physical conditions that keep me from enyoing life like other people do. Im almost sick every week and i envy everyone for not being fucked up pieces of shit like me. I have been taken away from school many times by an ambulance due to my extremely bad asthma which has caused me to be away from school at worst for 2 months in a row and people made fun about me being sick all the time. I got back stabbed a lot when i was a kid by people i though were my friends. Most of my current few friends are depressed and thinking about suicide themselves and they have tried it many times but to this day only 1 has succeeded in killing himself. I cry myself to sleep a lot and have constant dreams about dying and cutting myself to the point that i scratch myself in my sleep to the point that i bleed.  
The only thing i like to do nowadays is read manga to try to not think about my shitty life and try to help my friends that are going through rough shit in their lifes.
Ive never really had luck with girls even though nowadays im one of the most athletic guys in school, i find it very hard to talk to girls and when i do at some point i open up a little bit and they always cut all contact to me. I feel lonely all the time and think how much of a pathetic piece shit i am and that i should just end my misery and go die. The reason i train is becaouse i love how it hurts and most of the time i train to the point that i throw up.
no one is ewer going to love a piece of shit like me for who i am and i feel like im just a burden to all my friends for talking to them how much i hate my life and should kill myself. The only thing that has helped me with my constant depression has been alcohol and weed the meds that the doctors give me dont do shit and il probably OD on them if i dont kill myself by jumping off a roof before. Last year a few of my friends tried to kill them selves and got hospitalized my grandmother died and a person i knew burnt alive in her own house also my favorite rapper died. I really think my shitty life is just going to get shittier the longer i live so why should i just end my suffering and die. I already gave myself a year of time when i decided that im not going to jump when i was a top of a tall building and i think thats the worst mistake ive made in my life.

Thats just a little bit of my problems but i think it really doesnt matter if i write everything that had happened to me because in reality i really dont think anyone gives a shit.

I dont know what i really think im going to accomplish with posting this but i saw a couple of people do this before killing themselves so i though ""hey why shouldent i do this too""",6.048133780666803,4.6403444980079716,6.570827217446006,83.24707328580416,66.83532536520585,9.62618298734885,30.174355210736003,8.371475516178862,1.9159290836653384,2809,78,619,32,38,921,291,753,0.238,0.6709999999999999,0.091,-0.9992,2,2,1,0,1,7,24.0,0,0,6,5,37,49,19,0,45,0,60,26,9,7,6,99,101,53,15,9,16,2,5,5,5,3,13,1,3,7,31,35,2,1,17,5,0,10,11,32,0,4,28,7,104,17,94,65,27,88,0,6,1,3,35,33,7,13,49,428,135,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044801180029867715,0.04197818209845111,0.0,0.046261258336681786,0.03352449292141909,0.13952770441039247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03206972228433768,0.0,0.0,0.02931238655022567,0.0,0.03449770372150216,0.03731889432068498,0.0,0.0,0.07877298709127163,0.03223493479965172,0.03500258086340411,0.07666460780739125,0.0,0.07134397191067841,0.047231012160576256,0.0,0.0,0.1373017883127588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306477996218678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060418512178796,0.0,0.0,0.0463851826059883,0.04604864064296866,0.027035806289835183,0.0,0.10832040643113372,0.0,0.2175387428817736,0.0,0.0,0.0429082838086856,0.0,0.0,0.19652606616099144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047155882581169324,0.07425975627448975,0.0,0.0,0.027688659999014268,0.0,0.035320550139780464,0.040057651768699465,0.07535242260354966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042393393966564816,0.029948624811444717,0.0,0.045922795951726485,0.03831535954199986,0.07131656730260591,0.0,0.0,0.16194167670108373,0.03875561773338624,0.02190217805684882,0.08042956839895234,0.16677410722798608,0.03516164412560338,0.06705667531180444,0.0,0.0,0.0415087329025458,0.03707091630289604,0.0,0.03755330041733127,0.12416597892711707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056198001978579014,0.0,0.042050537717517385,0.0,0.0,0.048371615884608817,0.044877678199690345,0.0,0.31697580446318835,0.0,0.0,0.03726162702040376,0.3246583815814535,0.0,0.023038880695383276,0.03417149997654758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766175929982114,0.102403284064753,0.08403242287757852,0.03701732502286706,0.03709908051108564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256014961095168,0.07567132028215523,0.07933400055487523,0.0,0.08500334950737079,0.0,0.0,0.04656517556995651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03346122608073755,0.0,0.09245105968007952,0.0,0.03233233380240192,0.0,0.0,0.039340352392893976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043989410763104114,0.0,0.056813990965148366,0.09564923992979912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625195830718242,0.03660411072116005,0.0,0.0,0.15851692485742494,0.0,0.04014907052445054,0.042649089636783724,0.09039662334173458,0.04011307569912281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041932700106518915,0.0,0.13427946925053566,0.04310213554083151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970659973520014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25819001453676765,0.0,0.0,0.08390326138797075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692752543368207,0.029672151256285507,0.0,0.033478448728058746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045855158906670114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03151964222835826,0.06738959534477906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570137180017853,0.2417536075807561,0.16475007609247172,0.0,0.19555743654800048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384739462856315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376852616959258,0.02472630167322832,0.0,0.033626782798979925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565500594466175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798391422331742
suicidewatch,imreallytired101,2018/03/27,"I'm desperate.  Hey folks; I have never posted here before...it feels rather strange to do so... I've always kept to myself specially when I'm at my lowest... but I'm reaching my breaking point.
I'm so tired.
 I hate....i hate how even after being accepted to an amazing university and keeping everything in life steady I managed to fix a lot of my relationships...im going out more overall I'm happier than I have been in a long time ; except one thing, has me fucking miserable. I hate how that nothing will matter until I am able to transition (I'm ftm transgender) for as long as I can remember I have felt miserable and I could always track it back to this. I've been too afraid of romantic or sexual relaionships or any sort of physical contact my whole goddamn life because of it. 
 If you want to have me squirming and suffering all you have to do is touch anywhere on my body.
 I hate that I have destroyed friendships  because of the all the self hatred I've always had to deal with. 
 I've always tried to be level headed. 
 I'm sick of trying to keep up the façade I'm tired of my mother caring more about what other peple will think or say than my own happiness and comfort. why can't she accept me. 
 I look in the mirror and I want to throw up. I want to punch myself bloody; That's what I deserve.
 I hate how every step forward seems like 2 steps back from getting the treatment I need.
 I have been waiting for so long and the wait keeps getting more and more painful. 
 I crave my mother's approval I feel guilty about taking her daughter away from her I feel so  horrible.
 I'm a disgusting human being for doing this to her and to my family and friends.
Why can't I just live this way... sometimes I think about doing so but when I do I have such visceral wish for death. I don't want to live like that.  I rather die.
 But I don't want to leave my family and friends and animals behind I can't do this. I can't take this away from my mother...she has been diagnosed with cancer and my grandmother just recently passed. I feel so guilty.
 I can't live with myself without her approval. I want her to rename me. 
 I feel so guilty I keep falling back into this spiral and I'm so tired I don't know what to do.
 I don't know what to do I'm so lost and I'm sorry this is so erratic my mind is going at a thousand miles per hour right now. 

I want to die... but I feel too guilty.

I don't understand how there's people out there who are ""proud"" to be transgender why would you be proud of this.
Proud of something that causes nothing but pain, confusion and an underlying deathwish....right. 

I keep going back and forth I want to die but I also don't want to. I feel like in making progress in everything else but the more I do the more distant the possibility for treatment seems. 
I'm desperate. I'm so tired. I hate this. I hate how this shit doesn't allow me to be happy. 
I'm working so hard and for what...only to be thrown back into depression and desperation the moment I look in the mirror or the moment I take a shower or the moment I need to touch any part of my own body. It's all wrong everything about it is wrong. This isn't me. And I think I rather die if I can't change it any time soon.

I'm sorry. My mind is all over the place.
I'm so tired.

It's all a constant back and forth. One moment I think I'm fine and the other I want to die.",0.9860888049126116,3.128477563218393,2.9461722563375865,90.92153282947572,82.99425287356323,5.997606676113999,20.59746496614707,7.250789805081777,0.5700599354432376,2608,77,562,38,73,874,255,696,0.25,0.62,0.129,-0.999,2,0,1,0,0,3,86.0,0,3,0,8,45,38,10,4,23,0,57,17,4,8,6,112,133,59,6,20,21,3,11,3,2,3,12,1,1,2,30,28,0,8,20,0,0,9,16,21,0,3,8,14,88,17,82,114,16,61,0,5,2,1,21,25,2,12,29,376,118,2,0.052661082229210406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211304843277459,0.1752729560241768,0.0,0.0,0.1074340252239568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895364050233113,0.2429587299578938,0.0,0.06420341388886587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698918153093553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369148300983049,0.054097437612117764,0.05570844238818713,0.0,0.0,0.05690792169757322,0.0,0.0420455890887638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429126343795488,0.04535691295897923,0.053449889955576084,0.27326944620635396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043991576880024766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03478214815389838,0.0,0.044369233031962406,0.0,0.1419851553042905,0.0,0.09928836321880437,0.0,0.18638917824497347,0.03762108766672968,0.05056289730052766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137164299765079,0.0486843219515311,0.05502648391749535,0.0,0.08978551981792944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211740252367912,0.047173985986680864,0.3639434137067175,0.05404546308976082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186055822856102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688300549462817,0.0,0.0,0.23403794757946506,0.0,0.0,0.05788230717379163,0.0,0.0,0.05576048242072151,0.0,0.0,0.07439215950342852,0.0771826342895492,0.0,0.13950210121243234,0.13981020187570542,0.08844409208013303,0.0,0.057485792027762675,0.0447705689331532,0.0,0.0,0.03515168130800307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063453621288898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809505041361894,0.040615473067908525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105945735233833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713690243960663,0.0,0.11207020874848504,0.0,0.0,0.05702682026923425,0.0,0.0365085637691133,0.0,0.055019622589520915,0.0,0.049781744272633786,0.059367457740433276,0.050434759907935896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199646562104804,0.0,0.05965474050123446,0.08994455297696169,0.0,0.04187820624973995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588134289908913,0.05493699372034733,0.0,0.05405584414819843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04054107388774588,0.052083156865075024,0.11789954025859485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878374025145945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03498568306299691,0.13497238052469654,0.0,0.0,0.06141420107411559,0.30263083632166754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150683613881985,0.0,0.0,0.05482204379342113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106087070038168,0.04179991590193372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255530741348454,0.05879421767324763,0.06055764565993552,0.05076340405385715,0.0,0.03833789505332747,0.0,0.0,0.037408921895369214,0.1151532530849152,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mentally_Dead,2018/03/27,"Just Letting out some pent up feelings I feel like I've been the worst problem that my family has ever had. I went away on a trip for 4 days, and my mom tells me it was so much nicer without me being there. I feel like they are always siding with my sibling, and are always making me the 'bad guy'. They never get mad at them, and they always coddle them. Would it solve my problems AND theirs if I just died?",4.580117647058826,4.317978541176473,5.200000000000003,88.06000000000004,69.47058823529412,7.270588235294117,24.058823529411764,5.6839178017228535,0.4561058823529409,316,6,69,1,5,102,62,85,0.171,0.7,0.13,-0.7179,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,6,0,5,7,1,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,2,20,15,6,1,4,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,3,17,2,8,8,3,11,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,5,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694103120465384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667627423340404,0.0,0.15701132593421513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212747085660124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516301723705407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009920769365544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727390320539102,0.0,0.2852465232571378,0.26868151865153395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824675588846456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861960184110854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229071928052807,0.0,0.1837404558683308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552278127436187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023828341106216,0.0,0.0,0.13823612532115848,0.0,0.14503337970059216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35987101793420706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436129915794429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432138153191665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127052324930035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358313873063707,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,C0reDestructi0n,2018/03/27,"Not 'Suicidal' But Not Not Suicidal. I love and care about my friends and family too much to commit, but i have very little regard for my own safety. I J-Walk and do reckless shit for the meme. I would gladly confront a shooter to save a life because I value them over me.

Also on an unrelated note, I'm way better and giving advice than listening to it so if anyone who reads this feels shit and or suicidal PM me and I'm more than happy to talk.",4.1039492753623215,4.574677728260873,5.909565217391307,80.00427536231886,70.6304347826087,8.742028985507247,26.20289855072464,8.841846274778883,1.872428985507248,349,10,70,6,6,121,66,92,0.192,0.529,0.279,0.8241,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,10,3,0,4,0,3,4,2,0,1,17,10,12,3,2,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,10,7,11,9,3,4,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,2,0,50,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029791032179573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475500219241499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901144510292195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247363322593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631812715047296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811698012996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739365910916359,0.0,0.09329218228397566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254949659454566,0.0,0.0,0.17699573575105676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964109203214676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032260990602135,0.0,0.18492428605839295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652459133136902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563372819867642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455673094171188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787871591355905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054614801667952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148299577474427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223743375973875,0.0,0.14645291037535074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106833751614208,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evangeline0n,2018/03/27,"I feel like I don’t have the right to feel this way So a bit of background;
I’m 21, female, Irish, in a relationship.

Three and a half years ago, right before I started my last year of secondary school, my mother passed away. She had been diagnosed with cancer of the bile duct in January of 2014, and she was gone at 10:23pm on the 31st of August that year.

I shut down. I coasted through school, I never talked to people about how I felt, I never cried, I just was going through the motions. I was seventeen when she died. I had no one waking me up in the morning for school, no one to talk to about things going on in my life, no one to make me dinner every night or do my laundry or clean my room or shout at me for leaving my shoes on the stairs for more than ten minutes.

I never went to college. I never settled on a career path because, if I’m honest, I never thought I’d live past the age of 20. I never planned on committing suicide, I just thought something horrible would have conveniently happened by now to either kill or incapacitate me to the point where I wouldn’t live very long.

I used to love writing, reading, playing video games, drawing, music, languages. I was academic and funny and I had ambitions about becoming an artist or an animator or a writer or an actor.

I went to school for makeup artistry. The industry in Ireland is extremely competitive and flooded with unqualified girls who watched YouTube tutorials and have thousands of Instagram followers for slapping the same face on everyone who sits in their chair. I gave up on those ambitions very quickly, and maintained only one friendship from my class, which died in January after I realised how dismissive she was of me and my feelings, and how she prioritised her new boy toy over me. I became a second thought.

I’ve been unemployed since early January. It was a soul crushing call centre job where I got abused daily by people over the phone. I couldn’t deal and I quit in just two months.

I’ve had three interviews since January. Two rejected me and one I had today, I’ve yet to hear back.

One of the only lights of my life is my boyfriend. Things seem to feel more hopeful around him. I feel like I could have a future if we stay together, which it looks like we will. I’m just scared that I’ll become dependant on him being my reason to stay alive, and that’s a huge pressure on him. I don’t want to put him through that. I love him with all my heart and I want to stay with him.

I woke up a few weeks ago and my mind idly wondered if we had sleeping pills in the house so I could overdose. The only thing that stopped me from going to look or buy any was the lack of motivation. 

I swing wildly between not seeing the point of anything, and wanting to stay alive just to see him smile and tell him I love him. I don’t know how to fix myself so that I can drag myself out of bed and force myself to be okay and see the good in things again.

I guess what I’m aiming for with this post is to see if anyone has any advice for it.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I’m not a risk right this moment, but I might be sometime in the future.

Thanks.",4.892658227848102,5.324987886075952,5.434025316455699,84.24483544303799,68.87341772151899,8.345316455696205,29.24936708860759,8.238735603445708,1.8572979746835443,2472,85,509,32,40,796,300,632,0.059,0.86,0.081,0.8316,4,1,1,0,1,1,65.0,3,1,1,3,24,18,1,3,32,1,38,14,5,10,8,96,87,40,4,15,22,1,6,3,0,4,5,2,3,2,24,28,1,1,14,8,1,10,16,5,0,14,26,16,85,13,91,51,8,94,1,1,7,3,40,43,0,19,37,354,109,14,0.0,0.07642261305626716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302919798078031,0.11435170440895867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772518140968645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510028929711695,0.0,0.05307846276044683,0.057419170807791825,0.0,0.0,0.060600396704768786,0.04959694709425845,0.0,0.039318940988068825,0.14247159572108933,0.0548852234747875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041790294928249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586228048154401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299689290985753,0.0,0.0708508333560058,0.0,0.06649724224882192,0.0,0.06546670781774505,0.1338827900688093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434450131543996,0.06163304650189276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306709869074154,0.09215842188302288,0.061930649936669586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997145919421177,0.054100007159423084,0.051586987819692516,0.0,0.07105463559751396,0.0,0.05703762970323373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269681570634992,0.076433470823505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406360695865643,0.0,0.07442498298208612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400685040787757,0.0,0.07136030997373026,0.0,0.03544781939413764,0.05257656288129348,0.0,0.0682967769147494,0.0,0.0,0.09111730209715732,0.09453514257629736,0.0,0.113910347400482,0.05708096339545968,0.10832844631164222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746428133907978,0.06103198676763773,0.043054622776701364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684248982358328,0.06512717571589696,0.0,0.05148372937466875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984808362104628,0.062295040058667386,0.0,0.06052940353150419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26224348102071404,0.14716674073916647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157308022422685,0.08943312995048404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194774992662916,0.0,0.06177370418339854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484087514538282,0.0,0.068604282097847,0.12903602390564747,0.0,0.0,0.06631731533985526,0.0,0.0692494597581081,0.0,0.1652493702354053,0.0,0.0,0.0645763099563812,0.26111202957060603,0.20559437264786146,0.05871888479063979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671105486928033,0.0,0.06454713871702764,0.0,0.0,0.0496556801339081,0.06379270033194775,0.0,0.04565382635880892,0.2749960475523241,0.0,0.05392535395127577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055314069744925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368620925687756,0.0563763299577177,0.11876689426745535,0.0,0.0,0.17140521657148955,0.0,0.0,0.15361871287063605,0.0,0.0,0.06113898636014975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601534414643512,0.0,0.0,0.05570777202262215,0.0,0.10643942944654904,0.11413229934037547,0.0511975400404492,0.05173845636098965,0.0,0.0,0.1195853254297366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994810285867653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045819345213553415,0.0,0.0,0.12460873228187858
suicidewatch,SupremeMystique,2018/03/27,"I can't even commit suicide. I feel like I'm hitting that point where things are so numb that you don't even feel the pain or need for suicide. I have this heavy feeling that keeps from doing anything. I don't eat or drink. I'm just sitting here doing nothing. 

All my dreams/ambitions/motivations are dead now. To be honest, I do feel like I'm already dead inside. Suicide doesn't even do it for me now. 

I was once a joyful boy who was eager to grow up one day. I was going to chase a dream, do something meaningful in life, make friends, and meet the women of my dreams someday.

Now I'm just sitting here in a darkly lit room typing this. I'm 25, I've done nothing meaningful. I'm rotting away. I've wasted my life.",1.625052732502397,3.5574140604026847,3.1325263662512017,91.56001677852349,79.53691275167785,5.330968360498561,23.394534995206136,6.18269132825596,0.4662306807286672,561,19,119,4,14,184,88,149,0.149,0.635,0.21600000000000005,0.8007,0,0,2,0,0,4,21.0,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,5,0,17,6,0,1,2,16,32,4,5,1,4,0,4,2,1,0,4,0,1,2,8,1,2,1,6,3,0,2,4,2,0,1,4,5,12,6,11,26,1,15,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,2,6,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220348614197806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841468343772394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661277577244333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063842318956633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596918741337657,0.0,0.15286819805955099,0.0,0.1596766527949114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092058419852441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315611398950822,0.22296227050960224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056274421524532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868600297980446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870314606526324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044345099657175,0.15247490571915634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416363750686328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570804325243438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994656383588865,0.0,0.0,0.16618664262323954,0.10574255497585262,0.0,0.16604668916274462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751634550388945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013381913600485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120754496464929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367174123401957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,francoIsLit,2018/03/27,"Being at the dead end and suicide looks like a good option I failed at everything and i dont have energy or ideas to start all over again to fail. Nothing ever worked to me and every time cycle begins with some hope and ends with my misery and zero progress. I feel trapped inside my body and want to get freedom, going  to finish this misery as soon as possible. 

Is it cool to leave my diary so that sb would be able to read it after im gone? Probably its best to burn all of my stuff beforehand. ",5.125,4.998196598039215,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,68.31372549019608,8.760784313725491,25.823529411764717,8.344100000000001,1.4956352941176472,391,9,80,5,6,129,78,102,0.224,0.601,0.17600000000000002,-0.8081,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,5,4,7,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,0,3,19,15,10,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,3,8,5,17,11,4,15,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,11,55,14,4,0.19493774135629946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457513285053566,0.0,0.0,0.21653188507881355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284655810490421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453139565092277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633234745308612,0.16424345468852608,0.0,0.17519747227291774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856637925350846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184692410010232,0.0,0.1107876107547974,0.1635045286911693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361716221523576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200609820878329,0.21056621214916968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064109213084828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523673374103378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636986064145706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704802033132736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976301344536844,0.0,0.0,0.21017585585540127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949904942776013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797793667103714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315707540696125,0.2132302493680708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366976463264775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497933051466748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419169974046802,0.0,0.0,0.13847817842248,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bio295,2018/03/27,"Been over 6 months since the breakup and somedays it feels like the last straw. I've struggled with this since high school.  I'm a veteran; the things i saw and did in Iraq haunt me every day.  I know I am not alone because every year, almost like clockwork, a friend of mine from my unit will commit suicide.  I've attended too many funerals for friends, seen too many honor guards.  

THis past december was the toughest.  Another friend killed himself and I sat in my apartment holding my loaded pistol in my lap, questioning if today was the day.

My longtime gf of four years and i broke up this past september.  It crushed me.  And right when I think things are improving I fall right back into the hole.  

I know I have so much to live for; my children, my family, my future and all the people who care about and love me.  But somedays it is just so god damn hard to find the good in me.  I feel no fucking good all the time.  This loneliness is crushing and the echos of it follow me during the day with my every waking step.  

Please, I really just need somebody to tell me I'll be ok.  That all the tears and pain won't be my life forever.  I just feel so alone.",3.0403759398496253,4.725028389610394,3.7100205058099776,90.11811346548193,74.62770562770562,6.9410799726589225,24.27910685805423,7.669130373188453,1.0596614718614714,902,28,189,12,19,285,140,231,0.159,0.6679999999999999,0.173,0.5792,0,2,0,1,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,1,11,17,3,1,14,1,13,5,1,0,4,34,28,15,3,2,6,0,4,2,4,2,2,0,0,1,12,12,0,2,8,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,7,6,30,11,19,17,4,29,0,1,2,2,10,11,2,3,16,116,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060206172625355,0.249476550526512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629058396855716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261000362835622,0.0,0.0734183751400641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227953843160269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330191887303794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30442465265690083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353898268492665,0.0,0.18269242950838802,0.08604150340897047,0.0,0.0,0.11007888206569973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27915215638093666,0.11134373068273944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020367039852851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788950899144913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127250205672067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332476886738223,0.0,0.13238003042685004,0.09817369746467232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506948685557941,0.11768062901612986,0.0,0.1063496677125837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087007200332327,0.0,0.0,0.2442120809372661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613310180419024,0.0,0.08853637650819808,0.08930384477333242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815537569643887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22994492673662326,0.08349709986653985,0.0,0.0,0.13220563626619292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491902069297498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715617985143383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570815575939747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189049640487168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925644132587772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590878474040434,0.0,0.13174050014741934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526882051863333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160028375319521,0.07717232049422333,0.0,0.0,0.07022883333262568,0.0,0.11416190068890265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551172780429136
suicidewatch,Lord-Fauntleroy8,2018/03/27,"So who do I talk too when no one is awake?? I only have a few people I can talk to and only 2 people I’ll tell everything to. And they are good and supportive and have said that they are there for me. But who do I talk to, when, at 3am I am lying in bed thinking about ending it? I don’t know what’s stopping me from just ending it all now. I’m just done with life. I’m done with everything.
I tried calling a help line but they didn’t really do much. ",0.21372549019607945,1.5339305686274507,2.712352941176473,95.8022549019608,81.54901960784314,6.101960784313726,17.215686274509807,6.937597516519254,-0.2794784313725489,346,6,88,4,9,120,63,102,0.057,0.877,0.066,0.212,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,14,1,0,0,1,14,20,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,12,2,10,16,3,8,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,6,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786932389546965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765612030321205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259123189243906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33070782910352714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431794486115574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233213119906784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101113381049894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995409371657785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525019364000052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467304278752232,0.27985786786631395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551041587811603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178655449544274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501193061702527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381975409261708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878407340406024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436406822224824,0.16081105779251398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789020176949995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491378321302662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Remolix,2018/03/27,"This is why I did it, this is why you should all stay safe and lock your heart away. I thought I was the happiest one
Now I realize I threw that out.
One day in December I decided to create hell 
No one knew how I felt, how could anyone really tell? 
My heart had melt.
I never wished it upon me yet I created that virtual reality.
I made my father’s pockets empty, I lied to the people so vaguely.
I made my vow that I broke unfaithfully 
and now I am standing on this chair all alone disgracefully.
I loved a girl, I loved friends and I loved my family.
But it was all a fake pearl on the ocean ground that revealed itself 
To me too early.
I am young not so strong, yet I am old as I look through the years and feel
Myself scold at me.
Why did I do it? No one will ever know
I will take the thoughts with me to hell
To demonstrate that no one should ever go
I won’t tell a single soul.
I promise you.
I pondered then I wondered.
I found the answer to my facade of a life.
I am sorry to tell you this, but I am afraid I am going to die.
Farewell, my dearest friends. For it has been a journey I won’t forget.
Live peacefully and never regret.
",0.7305428769017972,2.6495470663900456,2.9171213692946054,92.03357970262795,82.48547717842324,6.0083679114799455,20.830048409405254,7.1686216300943375,0.4665807745504842,877,26,199,12,24,298,132,241,0.132,0.72,0.14800000000000002,0.8275,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,0,1,11,14,2,1,11,0,23,6,2,4,7,41,42,13,1,5,3,1,2,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,15,7,0,1,13,0,0,4,8,6,0,5,14,3,46,8,20,21,4,28,3,2,1,3,14,8,2,1,14,149,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201224836615585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237320795695746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068330509257164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405909153587763,0.0,0.0,0.07597559789206132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222647912027994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131258719695363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105770482522168,0.0,0.05956662469679025,0.0,0.11311293975377955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291690038309326,0.18203438179883094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133904564231017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792030953743393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474350040944478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321038058846618,0.0,0.0,0.10402550494802472,0.0,0.0989279866576536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189755323043554,0.22294316140265985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171963251613946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361835070932843,0.0,0.3991444610470346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167235650219823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547001078176688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131874994375862,0.0,0.12556630437078492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857600317042301,0.0,0.30890483567833743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870507762231724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189067628621576,0.0,0.13547193082014175,0.0,0.1277563783463522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586367461996286
suicidewatch,endestir,2018/03/27,"i need to escape the only thing stopping me from suicide is fear of what comes after and not wanting to hurt those who love me (even though they will not love me for long if i stay alive). i just wish i could disappear or do life over with the knowledge i have now. there are consequences coming for me soon that will destroy me or likely worse. i can never know when they will come but they will. i think i will end up in eternal torture by the end of it all, and there is no way to talk myself into calming down. there is no rationale that can make anything ok. escape is impossible",5.279757869249393,5.265812932203392,5.484285714285715,85.76737288135595,67.98305084745763,8.098789346246972,27.87409200968523,7.447530270364453,1.368005811138015,458,13,96,4,7,145,81,118,0.17,0.691,0.139,-0.6324,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,9,9,2,1,3,1,15,3,0,2,2,26,26,8,1,5,7,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,0,17,5,16,20,1,21,0,1,0,2,7,5,0,3,11,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008621353450796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713221257630737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561851322283462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230755799635081,0.0,0.0,0.12046268849211075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523232515778128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952454820641716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023329075923723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882297402773446,0.08910344458201032,0.0,0.0,0.16140380137968924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292167509464353,0.0,0.12174251045806457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352351742210762,0.14066552354647507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871099329208836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943967165192652,0.0,0.1524809078322856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994981239007987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465930787534774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116760074317474,0.11686408612720225,0.17919102166812603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757460910459728,0.14476766144550815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973221011741386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586453280698265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAMSUFFERING2468,2018/03/27,Do suicide hotlines even fucking work specifically in india,9.760000000000002,14.230876111111117,8.89777777777778,47.30000000000004,65.66666666666667,8.044444444444443,53.444444444444436,8.841846274778883,7.0909111111111125,51,4,4,1,1,16,9,9,0.36,0.64,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38023329455622495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322098004689183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6297039345386564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191041932769088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,germsonmyskin,2018/03/27,I don’t know what to do I found something out yesterday and I’ve never felt this way. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression in addition to OCD and PTSD but I feel like I need to cut myself out of my skin. I feel suffocated and out of control. I’m stuck at work until 4:30. ,0.5182142857142864,2.7967879166666734,3.092857142857145,88.15500000000004,86.5,6.761904761904763,21.904761904761905,7.957251820313856,1.2839761904761908,225,8,48,5,7,78,42,60,0.179,0.765,0.055,-0.6486,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,18,10,6,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,7,1,12,7,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322843098561011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355739606189225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131027919443265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404409547911422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28230437249988466,0.1994326696583303,0.2680383322149917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060856205848737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341958143147236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363839605417186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069943395717325,0.21530616804926453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326324262703341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491177150093327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918396829360485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215850029022032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20323252818465445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoinerLab,2018/03/27,"Please participate in Research Study geared toward understanding Suicidal Thoughts/Behaviors [18+, US only] **NOTE:** This posting has been approved by the moderators of r/SuicideWatch.

**Please also note – this posting is a repost of the study I posted here in September 2017 (https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6y03wv/please_participate_in_research_study_geared/?st=jf9pm1sc&sh=ee25aca6). If you already participated at that time, please do not participate again!**

-------------------------------------------

Hi r/SuicideWatch,

My name is Megan Rogers, and I am a graduate student in the Department of Psychology at Florida State University working with Dr. Thomas Joiner. Dr. Joiner and I are conducting a research study that examines risk factors for suicidal thoughts and behaviors. We hope that by understanding short-term suicide risk, we can work toward developing effective treatments and ultimately lower the prevalence of suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

If you are over the age of 18, fluent in English, live in the United States, and are currently experiencing thoughts of suicide, you may be eligible to participate in this study.

If you decide to participate, you will: 

1. Fill out a baseline set of questionnaires (30 minutes, you will receive a $5.00 Amazon gift card)

2. Complete a brief (3-5 minute) phone interview with me (Megan Rogers). This portion is mandated by our Institutional Review Board; we will not store your phone number after this call and will take every step possible to ensure confidentiality.

3. Fill out five follow-up surveys (3-5 minutes each), one every three days, over the next 2-3 weeks. (You will receive $2.00 in Amazon gift cards for each follow-up survey for a total of $10.00 if you complete all five).

4. If you complete all five follow-up surveys within 48 hours of receiving them, you will receive a bonus $5.00 gift card. 

Overall, you may earn up to $20.00 for participating in this study.

Remember, this is completely voluntary. You can choose to be in the study or not. You can email us (joinerlab@psy.fsu.edu), message us, or post below if you have any questions or concerns about the study. If you would like to participate, please click the link below to see if you are eligible.

https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_4VDAIH8CLVusKWx

Thank you very much! We hope to hear from you soon!

Best regards,

Megan Rogers, M.S.
Florida State University
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suicidewatch,idkwhaat,2018/03/27,"I don’t even want to do it, but now I need to. Just finding out I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I fit the bill 100% and seeing people talk about it, I fit in with all of it *perfectly*. 

I don’t even want to kill myself, but now I see I have no choice. No one loves BPDs, and apparently I will just continue hurting everyone around me, lashing out and then feeling bad, being a general tornado mess. r/BPDlovedones really did a number on me and showed me just how much I am hated (didn’t comment there, but it’s all scathing to read). 

I’m really sorry that anyone in this world has even had to breathe the same air as me. This BPD (also called Bad Person Disorder by a lot of people, I guess) is going to stay with me forever and it seems no matter how much I work on it, I’ll probably always be an utter piece of shit.

Knowing all of this now, it’s selfish to stay alive. I’m just taking up one more space - one more job, one more apartment, one more seat at a bar, one more seat on a train, one more spot in line at the grocery store, one more person consuming the earth’s natural resources. All just to be a monster walking this earth. 

I’m sorry it took me 24 years to figure all of this out. I see now that though the last person I ever wanted to be like was my dad, I clearly am him in every way. The only difference is that he’s proud of himself and doesn’t ever want to seek help, doesn’t feel like he needs it I guess. I want to seek help and be better. But no matter how much time and money I pour into it I know it won’t ever get very far. 

I shouldn’t be having children. I shouldn’t be getting married ever. I shouldn’t be pretending like I’m capable of friendships. I’m starting today to withdraw from everyone. I will eventually only speak to coworkers and my family only as needed. Then I’ll sink back further and further from there. This makes me sad, because I actually would like to experience life. It’s not for everyone, I guess. ",2.69535447761194,4.120141554726367,4.5730565920398005,84.6512266791045,74.99502487562191,7.6120646766169155,24.75155472636816,8.278499904357787,1.487415174129353,1523,49,316,26,32,520,193,402,0.145,0.6970000000000001,0.158,-0.5042,3,0,0,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,0,4,26,17,3,0,13,0,32,5,2,4,11,69,65,23,1,12,10,1,2,4,0,7,1,1,0,5,21,17,1,0,7,4,3,3,14,9,0,8,5,6,37,8,46,45,18,47,0,2,3,1,17,24,1,5,21,220,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.07485296742636083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134092166143117,0.06382466399938405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536338852701391,0.0,0.0,0.06828366885017946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058981372662118635,0.12809086035828968,0.0467586262253147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678392958635409,0.0,0.0,0.09660720069405038,0.0,0.07832433117458218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014034805608479,0.17582103867305854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198869028897835,0.2775360787523388,0.06462722953756203,0.21988460361004664,0.0,0.07503216067686141,0.07231060130708207,0.0,0.07756865597820249,0.0547980323738976,0.0,0.0,0.07010693565461079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801503421124981,0.0,0.043593191361850685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534974542031743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757302589108612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028274236683383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211423657463618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611782817318892,0.0,0.08486266357979383,0.0,0.08431007020539552,0.06252477279904743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541789753787227,0.14989665831278806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652118064084139,0.06922921310584684,0.0,0.051201150465842664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916089447332952,0.1706272478901988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158180799017918,0.17501271524857664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063551100418402,0.2679032185209842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082700910702224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767257085234798,0.0,0.09827831160152264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337174494831648,0.06982930662160987,0.0,0.0,0.07873652999806624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172982560181618,0.05429215916864942,0.16351454385355693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767257715897526,0.06165253414166569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536222497825144,0.0,0.044727273816336593,0.0,0.07270732474397873,0.0,0.08522202298478553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632896178286844,0.2262128375020637,0.060884819841240764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584211793369316,0.0,0.0,0.05448899647066598,0.0,0.0,0.04939547362128178
suicidewatch,1jl,2018/03/27,"Can someone be involuntarily committed for attempted suicide? Virginia. I googled and googled and I can't find any good answers. I have a friend who REFUSES to go to therapy. He'll be fine one day then literally sobbing and saying over and over again ""I need therapy I need therapy..."" but nobody can make him go, we have tried so many times. He's an absolute mess and doesn't take his meds and has said that he feels like he would rather die than go to therapy. 

He has been found standing on the railroad tracks waiting for a train to hit him before and now he is in the hospital for several days I believe on suicide watch. He is an adult and my question is, can they have him involuntarily committed if he is a threat to himself or just if he is a threat to others? ",4.257117224880382,5.50004880263158,5.558301435406702,79.82401913875599,70.84210526315789,9.211483253588515,32.239234449760765,9.573946990214177,2.98224210526316,606,28,122,14,11,203,93,152,0.183,0.752,0.065,-0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,1,1,5,8,2,0,8,0,19,0,0,1,2,28,32,14,3,6,6,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,3,9,0,2,5,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,3,4,14,4,15,24,0,15,0,1,1,0,23,5,1,4,7,78,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599896542235624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012342604224326,0.15904780303722013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820831439783263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650992027524087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137869659398817,0.10085032613851456,0.0,0.0,0.1290248393792185,0.0,0.0,0.15478323945208616,0.10906591547055636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406867934379785,0.11840487835282425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689674711984687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423062287920822,0.1431220227081763,0.0,0.0,0.15680563540041775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093483148011772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565897523074668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814027765764174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428293367726102,0.11226232467800916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947946635913274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961104446538133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088293876588189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614063979607097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6457508671650899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231609706141266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584369024118887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028157630792274,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Longanimidadee,2018/03/27,"The long battle The battle began many years ago. 

It started out small and began to grow. 

Distractions like work could only slow,

The sadness inside of wanting to go. 

He added more responsibility. 

He even added a family. 

It'll get better he told himself. 

And he put his concerns upon a shelf.

Then one day that shelf came crashing down. 

No longer could he stop the frown.

And he felt as if he could drown. 

Stay! They begged; they pleaded and begged. 

So he set out to rebuild that silly shelf. 

But the pieces were scattered all over the floor and the items were piled larger than before...",2.237753246753244,5.075463190909094,2.385194805194806,91.95636363636363,85.27272727272728,4.233766233766234,17.857142857142858,5.773587663045528,-0.3228311688311689,461,11,87,3,14,139,77,110,0.152,0.795,0.053,-0.8999,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,2,7,2,1,9,0,6,0,0,0,1,17,15,10,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,4,0,1,7,1,4,3,11,4,4,23,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,1,11,49,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236028430946656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184653779260532,0.0,0.0,0.19192173646246333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481939030442916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197783025325776,0.0,0.0,0.1399491414081618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433285973446803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457134748886088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083571467668392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337523953103305,0.0,0.12332794551606285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060168247146118,0.0,0.0,0.19204104397325725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000723138867695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704701554495506,0.16504074708696567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814819888007367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359601439412374,0.2312965869837985,0.0,0.1814244303776789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735590097656376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279941368224899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798094754895445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974297566194382
suicidewatch,TracyHoward_TH,2018/03/27,"Childhood depression Been depressed since I was 8. Felt different, and occasionally sad since I was 6. Attempted suicide at 9. Began having mental breakdowns since I was 10. Worst point was when I was 11. Told a teacher, didn't believe me. Told a friend, didn't believe me. 2 weeks ago was the latest time I attempted suicide. Now they saw my cuts, now they believe me. Can't tell them for how much they've betrayed me. Mom thinks I have no right to be depressed, and am too young for it. Big sister constantly tells me to kill myself. I'm now 12 I've lost my childhood since I was 8, now people come to help me? After I've already lost more than 1/3 of my life to depression? It's very sad to know all this could have been stopped from a very young age. No it's not ""Just life"", no it won't ""get better"", and it would never be ""gone away"". And now they feel bad for me. My mom won't even take me to a therapist I have ADHD, ODD, stress, cyclic vomiting syndrome, anxiety, trust issues, depression, and loneliness. What's wrong with this world? I need to pledge myself to make a site for those, who lost their childhood to depression, to these innocent children who've lost it all. It's disturbing to look at this sub-reddit and know how many people are just like me.",2.7260822510822527,4.6222631666666665,3.6272727272727288,89.45863636363637,76.06349206349206,6.9627705627705625,24.15295815295816,7.84624498591911,1.1658746031746037,986,32,206,15,22,315,138,252,0.308,0.644,0.048,-0.9972,1,0,0,0,0,3,46.0,0,0,5,7,12,23,2,2,6,0,24,3,0,3,3,26,45,9,3,3,3,3,2,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,14,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,10,19,0,0,21,4,29,4,23,18,5,31,0,12,2,0,16,8,0,0,22,124,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087997636949274,0.0,0.08024960130985906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990237827722556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925539084082936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505614673454742,0.0,0.07558897444262201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059897598726176,0.0,0.08006664623675942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798379133203609,0.0,0.0978310350926987,0.0,0.07228103538020175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678414123398502,0.0,0.0,0.09458483929438588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597943740544049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577481279994719,0.0,0.08692323375442096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994344393702571,0.0,0.04729831733944584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068051598627323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449005693210966,0.0,0.0,0.10015830466784313,0.0,0.0995061118987772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788838091256302,0.044228505619161834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760226065012171,0.0,0.39529783337278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060429642570434226,0.09178346074714323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123319561049316,0.0,0.0,0.2120558612825262,0.0,0.0,0.06655014777931455,0.06712703073381286,0.06982250717447235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552454831371784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558034497892186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731233592968723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995502219359432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568733981622898,0.10370209158658307,0.0,0.0,0.1980507922078729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680674787992834,0.0,0.15825485158454602,0.0,0.0,0.10511259389647967,0.0,0.05800812655674509,0.0,0.0,0.05278891480523062,0.0,0.0,0.17301106038963102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939386904433835,0.0,0.0,0.07261790310545961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431008973012549,0.09898061295804762,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HardgoreAlice,2018/03/27,"I think I’m going to try to overdose I am so tired of my life, I tried to get better but everything gets worse.

I even turned in a suicide note to my teacher to try and get help and nothing is working.

I’m useless, I’m just a burden on other people.

If I died the only people who would care are my parents.

I’m just going to finish it, I don’t see how my life could be important. I just make mistakes and this will be the first choice that I make that will be a right choice.


Edit: Had a really bad anxiety attack in my class, and was ignored by everyone. So that’s fucking wonderful.",0.981344086021508,2.86375240322581,3.3803225806451636,89.23215053763441,81.41935483870971,6.068817204301076,22.43010752688172,7.1686216300943375,0.799991397849463,454,15,97,6,12,157,78,124,0.28800000000000003,0.594,0.118,-0.9813,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,2,0,6,0,13,4,0,3,0,18,30,9,2,4,5,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,2,1,13,2,11,21,0,8,0,1,1,1,3,4,1,2,2,64,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792279078217525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023681405159573,0.0,0.0,0.1396216589880547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478924414521831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049186596898366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335115094175364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735478894762575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104471884317672,0.0,0.0,0.15978581170736206,0.15028649306937725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422371892944284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459213319608944,0.2620965391965899,0.0,0.1900698826286375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208399601565963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362247674343356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324120706634984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045203533173444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717829400505387,0.0,0.0,0.1856779460717139,0.0,0.0,0.23185849270373535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712537077171362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280490881561808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325263629064465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291146543436632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714778080220824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219471354437476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405940730100604,0.1818872683192946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134288384268726,0.12173810255470355,0.0,0.17041139737687,0.11878824238588676,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fungalarmpit,2018/03/27,"Nothing seems to be going right for me at all My entire 23 years on this earth has seemed to just be disaster after disaster. Never been loved by any significant other, my parents have grown cold and distant and don't feel like parents anymore, I'm an alcoholic with a very bad temper that I struggle to control. I only have 3-4 irl friends and they are always too busy to do anything, I'm out of work and have been this way for 3 months despite busting my arse off to find work. I don't even get a rejection email let alone an acceptance email. 

I've really had enough, nothing good has come out of my life and all I tend to do is disappoint people. What even is the point in living if all there seems to be in mine is suffering? ",7.420642377756473,5.53935181208054,7.758408437200384,77.35080536912756,64.43624161073825,10.930393096836047,34.70853307766059,9.606745405546679,3.004038542665388,576,20,118,9,7,190,100,149,0.199,0.735,0.065,-0.9686,2,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,5,11,1,1,5,0,20,3,0,1,4,22,31,6,0,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,6,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,3,2,11,5,21,24,4,17,0,3,0,1,7,9,0,4,5,78,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344747256185566,0.0,0.1584008055720695,0.0,0.0,0.1272592073636931,0.0,0.0,0.10400516013438964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516764273923349,0.0,0.0,0.12585745461856532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769939031631058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174517422795132,0.0,0.0,0.17153639499317974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802899074352444,0.0,0.20203224524203667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733159140601435,0.10926111832033306,0.0,0.0,0.13978535103904824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181618776182911,0.0,0.07990538741624847,0.0,0.08691992454854833,0.12827969842798492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639258804741596,0.10802678824192218,0.07471927280156082,0.0,0.1350497511885787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803527091575893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207608880103753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179575680485586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935021290447007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163185620599404,0.0,0.0,0.3396458784459973,0.0,0.0,0.10603006858863807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457872933788105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979779543811818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306108230062711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176953698420465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988719492384415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619238542810293,0.0,0.1213974884936696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226858151833042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848902331016103
suicidewatch,ManniisaNoob,2018/03/27,"I’m in love with a fictional character and it’s killing me. I’ve fallen in love hard with a fictional character. I have all their merchandise, I have custom things I’ve ordered with them on it, I paid outrageous amounts of money for commissions involving us being intimate together.  I even went as far as to get a stupid waifu pillow with her on it. 

She was everything I wanted in a woman, gothic, sexy, nice body, big feet, sadistic and crazy 

I’d lay in bed almost every night fantasizing about her laying next to me, or talking to me by holding that stupid goddam pillow. 

I want to be with her. I want to feel her. I want to hear her say my name in that sadistic sexy voice. 

This is what’s driving my insane. 

I’m not a Chad or Incel/Loveshy. 

I weighed 400 pounds at one point, now I’m down to 170 by basically starving myself at only 500 calories a day. I eat better now, but I had to lose that weight. 

I have everything I could ever want, money, nice house, college degree, toys, cards, games, merchandise, hell i’m even living out my dream as I currently just joined a Deathcore band as a frontman. 

But I’m so goddamn lonely. I’m sick of it. I’ve been alone for my entire 21 years of existing. I’ve been with many men and women, and nothing helps. We don’t click, sex is meaningless, and everything can turn me off. Whistling as a joke after i mentioned I didn’t like it has a likely chance of me never calling you again.

But her, she’s perfect. She’s everything I could want. But she isn’t real. She’ll never be real. The first thing I’ve ever come to love is a stupid fighting game character. 

I’ve spent way to much time being lonely, and she fills that void. When I’m feeling at my absolute worst, buying a merch item of her always cheers me up. But it’s temporary. 

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to know why I can’t connect with a living person. I want to know how I could have allowed myself to make a idiot out of myself doing this. 

I can’t feel anything anymore. I guess thats why I was diagnosed with ASPD. 

Sorry for any errors, I’m always drunk around this time.

I’m so fucking tired.
",1.4748520084566614,3.6655089651162776,3.314386892177591,88.70637949260046,81.44186046511628,6.141649048625793,21.865750528541227,7.348242739294969,0.852302325581396,1645,52,336,24,44,550,221,430,0.205,0.6709999999999999,0.124,-0.9928,2,5,0,0,2,0,61.0,2,1,2,4,14,26,10,0,15,0,28,14,2,3,6,61,65,22,1,13,9,0,5,2,0,1,3,4,3,4,17,19,4,1,5,7,5,5,8,15,0,2,9,10,58,11,57,48,5,43,1,3,1,5,37,19,3,4,19,208,75,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775720086121958,0.09076695473255494,0.0,0.0,0.1458443430557642,0.0,0.0,0.05959711901575612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691374623629605,0.0,0.0,0.07211893806259924,0.07801675873286132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750904523899434,0.0,0.09734650862314037,0.0,0.0,0.0894886076137376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549272380398532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099163998191773,0.0,0.0962666700719331,0.05651951953178155,0.0,0.0,0.08895113386344218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967596480930502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576867675749912,0.15854790508688896,0.07383913400241933,0.0,0.3150549811943001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329378287792713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454518048005701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810202910157682,0.04578744821596259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654358090295473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850679479155101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877484909343116,0.0,0.058742173923431326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112295004132643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695890776547446,0.0,0.09632754825164402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563139344569798,0.0,0.1547726302086177,0.0,0.0,0.09804495547234557,0.0,0.0,0.2372912399300803,0.0,0.05849931425774699,0.08885158484352318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442430971363015,0.0,0.13518427763998278,0.0,0.09320443539934464,0.08224270405034385,0.0,0.08409141091390471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938604970032759,0.06665295431371304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652247277810748,0.0,0.0,0.08284661769053342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950337728996687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969357529412168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810401664715204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044042832486419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164461210313846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022053146489239,0.1007274516569731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532541602618327,0.0,0.0,0.10541820769391093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169140048522185,0.06956328475070399,0.0,0.10671996444166697,0.0,0.08124167722025362,0.15816005412696074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056436257935440874
suicidewatch,Rycorz,2018/03/27,"I have a SEVERE addiction to gambling and I cannot kick it. I'm 19 Im sick and tired if being a stupid gambling addict.
In 2014 I was clinically depressed. I started in 2015 with ""csgo skins"" and lost around 1600$ of my own saved up money from working odd jobs, Fast forward to today ,Depressed , no friends , an overweight piece of shit, I see a counselor and im afraid to tell her i quit my job and about this bull shit. family hates me and I am a loser, I was big into cryptocurrency and
 decided to put my cryptocurrency ethereum to gamble it 
went from (200$) 0.51 eth to 2.666ETH ($1,500) on dicing. I could have bought a car for fucks sakes. I feel i am severely Addicted to gambling, and i cannot get rid of this feeling, I'm Already starting to use opiod-Agonist drugs and benzodiazapines, Don't suggest me that bullshit gamblers anonymous, They don't help. I'm eyeing my belt on my dresser. Preparing the stool, Because My brain is sick and i want out.
Advice or options to look at anyone?
I know it's just money but my brain might mess up and make the same mistakes and hurt someone close to me.
It might seem silly, But I have a HUGE urge to off myself right now.",2.8110593220338984,4.588337817796614,4.162000000000003,86.24020338983051,75.48305084745763,6.584406779661018,26.630508474576274,7.365786028017652,1.3461803389830518,919,35,186,11,20,303,149,236,0.211,0.7390000000000001,0.05,-0.9847,2,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,4,4,16,5,1,9,0,16,16,6,2,0,37,36,16,0,4,5,0,3,0,1,2,9,0,1,0,7,17,1,0,5,0,7,4,5,13,0,0,5,6,28,3,30,27,3,24,0,5,3,1,6,16,3,6,6,112,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958520451349595,0.0,0.11827818395702727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356985576070352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463347916351684,0.0,0.0,0.10775062137923612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378442188968386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702397340536384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664001634852748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850190970666527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036713784303428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410506134694637,0.0,0.1224021939937334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351464779097377,0.11189886433462427,0.06323802830021287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950123056157788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811300782577993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957505306886266,0.0,0.2614863865671608,0.0,0.24022561827175395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652002306064222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164251101953137,0.0,0.13212867275192153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079465955660659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568070976643739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167790808188356,0.0,0.12874017373159796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336688411956957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645263547534164,0.1101896149644264,0.0,0.2734798687953593,0.24849016391169515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255618950092857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134445131464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057936660973272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911684722957166,0.1147310850735729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045390758285874,0.0,0.0,0.0713921036032424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220462557727956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811803770664277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e9937,2018/03/27,"I hate myself, and I've given up. I feel like I've constantly been making bad decisions. I hate myself for it. Everything I say and do makes me hate myself even more. Everyone that I've met has abandoned me. People act like they care, but they just abandon me when I actually need their help. I've been planning to commit suicide this summer, but a few hours ago I gave up on waiting and tried to kill myself. I failed, and now I hate myself even more. I just don't know what to do. It feels hopeless. ",1.7250000000000014,3.8379111078431367,3.3115294117647056,89.48788235294118,80.07843137254902,6.04078431372549,20.9843137254902,7.1686216300943375,0.5809301960784312,391,11,81,5,10,129,62,102,0.333,0.5710000000000001,0.096,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,3,2,6,13,5,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,1,19,21,7,2,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,10,0,0,5,3,20,3,7,16,3,10,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,0,8,54,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.16677105700109124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514900946214659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426920595709622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424112900199873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846792073880137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257520345392737,0.0,0.0,0.16329963938254105,0.15359142254283964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282156195564702,0.12208902458764186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6749025862177314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454881966261635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829935978419336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890724789107842,0.0,0.09392065543575476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698352121008514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281504735603408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671814029653056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847863036688824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590434699293447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693384616068465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602801004684178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qyxote,2018/03/27,"I feel stuck and i don't know what to do For the past few months I've been having consistent existential anxiety and depersonalization. I always feel really weird about existence, and I don't even know for sure if I actually exist or not. I have no idea who or what I am, or if reality is some kind of simulation or hallucination or what. I often think I'm the only person who actually exists, and I feel scared and lonely. Life seems so surreal, foreign and improbable that it terrifies me, and I desperately want to stop existing but I'm equally scared of death. I don't know if  I want to die because I don't know what comes after, but every day I get more and more exhausted of living and death starts to seem like a better option. I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place and if this feeling doesn't stop, I'm almost positive I'm going to die by suicide. Is there anything I can even do about it anymore?",4.823859180035651,5.348305213903746,6.767713903743317,74.29706105169342,69.05347593582889,10.083600713012482,29.487076648841356,10.125756701596842,2.843367557932264,733,26,146,18,12,258,103,187,0.277,0.617,0.106,-0.9898,0,3,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,2,5,0,14,2,0,0,1,46,38,23,5,6,12,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,12,0,2,13,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,2,6,17,5,15,36,5,10,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,15,9,95,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.2669581331429085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696696914233844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381321098933846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046375150839206,0.0,0.1356505481255884,0.0,0.0,0.11255956510986843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833807662850323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097216984267788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782519804936994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821278723203042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839153178541323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806858539411415,0.0,0.11524435931360233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458043198273542,0.09771677012559277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146271696632386,0.0,0.07773610976178112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252940652337975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440972633417274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243694087883435,0.3006862616278003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661285731209253,0.13364911720737582,0.0,0.12078061889978847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091777321208556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402853608753032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057347127390076,0.0,0.11943237779734288,0.14290761236368155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762576653821469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738843963094889,0.0,0.0,0.2490415807857975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681468854403802,0.0,0.0,0.2287110090789761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496168204772891,0.0,0.1289149967167749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764409736018608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135460989418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rawsauce-ewrs-,2018/03/27,"Do Voices inside my head related to any disorders? My Voices always answers my questions, thoughts, and sometimes reminding me of something that i forgot.

I don't know if i diagnosed with schizophrenia, but i'm pretty sure i have social anxiety/Anti-Social

Edit : i tried to asked my parents to go to Psychological Doctor 
My Dad Agrees, but my Mother were like (with anger response) 

""You're just imagining, i seen you playing games ""normally"" (yes i'm a gamer that is the only thing that keep my mood on) you will get over it! Keep praying and remember god (She's really religious, but it doesn't help me anyways)

Edit 2 : it could be my Imagination but i wonder if it's related to Anti-Social/Social Anxiety. ",3.978659147869674,6.331143751879702,5.767086466165416,73.45609335839599,73.88721804511276,8.643859649122808,29.12844611528822,9.2995712137729,3.1180581453634093,561,24,91,14,12,192,87,133,0.07400000000000001,0.768,0.157,0.878,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,9,3,1,0,1,25,21,8,0,4,7,3,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,8,4,0,3,8,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,3,20,3,10,14,0,3,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,4,1,59,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580443613462786,0.0,0.0,0.12733432547257376,0.0,0.1432433800475593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505059221447347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495014279104071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005168064462216,0.0,0.0,0.21460119078202156,0.19165515529886112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782878652487537,0.0,0.10641673882541117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216935900079224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550766239816433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332867329074492,0.0,0.0,0.10290600941470923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147938611597822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834622237326493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240971910147368,0.0,0.0,0.2079155436883009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049743248035125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975940206218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995517064912603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211425692553093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817493054671251,0.0,0.14415182582990724,0.185191990174572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647800460208474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439853234775462,0.0,0.0,0.14865313751434464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271283663732273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306129557031186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tapiolca,2018/03/27,"I want to kill myself because of school Its because of Spanish, in particular. I'm in high school, and its my second year of taking spanish. The first year was a breeze, but now I find it so difficult. Last quarter, I got a C, and needless to say my asian parents were NOT pleased. I told them I would step it up, and would go ask for help. Fast foward to this quarter, my teacher didnt really teach us anything, and nobody paid attention (bad move on my part). I thought I knew what everything was, but I bombed the final. I ended up getting a C-. I dont know how to break the news to them, and they dont know that I've been feeling depressed/suicidal for the past few months either. I don't know what to tell them, and I'm getting constant anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts because of it. I don't know what to do (I'm literally having a mini panic attack so I thought redditing it would help)",3.711263736263735,4.732937269230773,4.911758241758244,84.78324175824177,71.91208791208791,7.7978021978021985,30.48351648351648,8.139509932561175,2.0796461538461526,701,30,144,10,13,232,104,182,0.171,0.7929999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9811,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,4,1,4,6,3,1,8,0,14,0,0,1,0,28,35,12,2,4,4,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,11,0,1,3,6,6,0,4,12,2,23,0,18,20,3,21,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,11,95,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289709864744602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993028805528174,0.0,0.11352491213096635,0.2762986637997803,0.0,0.0,0.10139277722934646,0.22207612436136406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122760852907128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28464077725843606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755496793833624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913754372211523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140095736400216,0.0,0.0,0.13302561424978598,0.11098897906028543,0.10329216650471268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688908107786773,0.0,0.06901405343214785,0.0,0.0971223031833484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279003875699574,0.12830226967898015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343493379522476,0.0,0.2669490123687189,0.0989853662001582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969278995473212,0.1290657091213998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247728031658147,0.13483869736902768,0.13150178433361948,0.11592301892817973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329867018855182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779408247252509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656962847537856,0.0,0.24579649609911045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26565937694619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130366915743547,0.0,0.10613914946256656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28921640585423475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160359168360902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607081224601662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162524406537246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587908613532862,0.0,0.0,0.15639973809252528
suicidewatch,PsychedeLink,2018/03/27,"Everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. the past few weeks have been some of the hardest I've ever had to fight through, all of my friends that I've had for years have abandoned me, I have aspergers, bipolar, anxiety, depression, been in and out of the hospital with pneumonia racking up huge hospital bills that I can't afford, my job is manual labor, but I have scoliosis and bone spurs in my feet which makes every day painful to the point that I just go home and cry, my girlfriend broke up with me because I couldn't become financially responsible due to my bipolar causing me to have terrible urge induced spending splurges, I fought for 5 years with trichotillomania, 8th grade through my junior year of high school I had bald spots, but now that I've beaten it and felt like it was my crowning achievement, the most progress I've ever made as a person, I'm losing my hair naturally at 24, and it fucking kills me, every day I look in the mirror and just cry because I beat the hardest thing I've ever had to fight, I got past it, but I still got fucked in the end, I'm so fucked mentally and physically and I don't know how I'm going to keep surviving because just getting out of bed and looking at myself in the mirror makes me want to go back to sleep and never wake up, I don't know what to do, quitting my job isn't an option because I live alone and have to pay bills somehow but I've been turned down for financial aid for my disabilities in the past, I can't even get health insurance that covers everything I have, I'm running out of options and I don't know what to do ",10.575648148148147,6.205377984567902,10.127037037037038,70.5466666666667,60.820987654320994,13.392592592592592,42.4320987654321,10.686352973137794,4.271035802469136,1273,50,260,21,12,417,156,324,0.194,0.7609999999999999,0.045,-0.9945,3,1,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,0,0,8,13,16,8,0,12,0,28,13,6,6,5,51,56,20,1,2,7,0,2,1,2,0,4,0,2,1,14,19,0,2,6,0,4,5,9,14,0,0,13,4,34,2,43,42,4,42,0,4,2,3,6,19,3,5,19,166,48,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758537394447956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946571640883167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987509728131734,0.0,0.2532901253338589,0.1147241235072301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671042179106127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282082885471998,0.1339843043518592,0.0,0.0894692156714824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200430051088347,0.0,0.0,0.06860986146727,0.2818884203036212,0.17504191623028148,0.0,0.18671612408245025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973833024410783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025520920574941,0.2880981850180649,0.10854302103210303,0.0,0.17710729220111526,0.0,0.16616005266280115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041652651174516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975188596161377,0.10419722613971892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616403639859507,0.09233076169110384,0.1149246482922436,0.0,0.22835260542438396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074911630773266,0.0,0.09172540461684432,0.0,0.17446124599225712,0.11621193229344813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829104745242433,0.13867757530170866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468370998176138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801164427305366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053258503212646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974874096669847,0.0,0.09070149894580706,0.0,0.0,0.09819745931251962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048610907575053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512919637793988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395214395867756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295640632132376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690113462132729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129884830862534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126941977179524,0.0,0.08332396401668136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006803885368359
suicidewatch,elraver,2018/03/27,"It's been three years... I read this three years ago and as a 35 year old man who often has thoughts like this, I suddenly thought back to you and... hope you're well. I'm very successful in business and have people who care about me and for the life of me I can't fathom why but...

I just think back to you and hope you're well.",0.3586116700201245,2.15147053521127,1.495291750503018,102.40760563380286,83.08450704225352,5.183903420523139,17.185110663983902,6.18269132825596,-0.7143255533199198,252,5,65,2,7,79,50,71,0.0,0.732,0.268,0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,11,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,8,7,7,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,9,40,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854462633054256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32172912708300816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329689157749507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155725211357514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776660552394574,0.10220625354868804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195238615134764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450353525620601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926009444960397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404914336907744,0.0,0.3321683913430933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261478139959932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37619810752384414,0.0,0.18877360209752006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40416054830731785
suicidewatch,Pineappletheduck,2018/03/27,"The true sick, twisted teenage dream that is my life. Nobody will see this. I know this cause I always create weekly  posts to these kinds of subreddits and delete them minutes later. Edgyness aside, let’s dive in.

I joined reddit honestly last summer. It was for my abnormalities. I mean how could I be depressed I said. I have no reason to be. So I checked it out. And that’s how it started I guess. 

I’m sitting in bed listening to some trashy music with a piano in front of me. It’s been like that for a week. When anyone may stumble upon this I’ll probably be doing this still. This room is safe haven yet my biggest issue.  I Haven’t gone to the gym, I just stare at my piano wondering if I’ll have the courage again. 

My grades are a joke. Yet if you ask my teachers, they smile and laugh. Calling me a smart gifted guy. I sit here dumbfounded still wondering! Is this some prank or something. I’m done being convinced to take these Ap and honors classes like a lab rat! 

-The daily grind 

I’m on break. 2 weeks at that. But on normal days my life is easily boiled down to 
1.) Wake up. Realize I have 3 minutes to get on the bus and rush out to the bus missing everything important. 
2.) On the bus remember the day before and know all the homework and huge projects I forgot to do. 
3.) Sit in class and listen for a bit waiting for work to be passed out to them just procrastinate for the rest of the time. 
4.) rinse and repeat for classes
5.) In class with a girl who is really nice and I really get along with. Pfft I can talk to her another day. I mean it’s been 3 months of not talking to her anyways. I’d rather focus on my work anyways. I’m just not good enough yet for anyone. I mean she really thinks highly of me but she really doesn’t know me. (5 minutes later I go back on my phone and forget everything.) 
5.) School is over. The bus is more active. My friend sarcastically and annoyingly talks to me for the entire time. Some days I’ll get some words in. 
6.) Im home. One day my mom will be diligently at work. Then for a week she’ll miss a week of work with many different excuses. But she is a nice mom. I mean I’m able to have deep conversations with her. That’s a plus I guess. My sister is a peach. I’m not being sarcastic about that either. She’s a peppy person I guess. My dad is home a lot. He’s quiet. To quiet. Like secretive quiet y’know? I don’t know anything about him for the life of me. Like I know the basics about him but deep details or stories about him, are nowhere to be seen. Not even my mom knows a ton about his past. It’s odd. I cannot explain it honestly. 
7.) At home I get something to eat usually nothing special. On rare occasions I’ll do some homework that seemed worthwhile too. 
8.) I get in my room. This is where everything happens. I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t in this room for as long as I stay in here. This room here in the U.S.A is truely unexplainable. I’ve tried everything imaginable to escape myself. But the other me’s keep in these 4 walls, full of lies, deception, pity, depression, failure, despair, false hope, and so much more. All of these words have an entire book I could write about who I am in this room. But let’s be real I don’t even have enough passion to play my piano or any of the other hobbies that I thought made me who I am. What I do out of this room is like someone else.  I don’t have control in here. I don’t know who I am or what I can do anymore. Man I must sound real edgy here. 
9.) I look at the clock. The time ticks closer and closer to the end. The later it gets the more devious the stuff I do happens to keep me distracted. Another day wasted day. Another zero day. No movement. No progress. And I couldn’t escape my loop that I created years ago. 
10.) Dad knocks on door. I speak slowly saying to give me a minute. Before I go out I put my humanly mask on and become peppy for him. I go out reluctantly hoping that he hasn’t found anything in my hellish cage yet. He tells me to get in the shower. I do so. Through that shower is when I say my daily words of, “Today may have not have been great but tomorrow will be different. I have a schedule and everything will turn out alright.” Then I start to think otherwise. What if situations are what usually what happens. Then I think back to a suicide manga I read saying the cheesy line of “No matter what you can’t kill yourself. There is someone there.” Or something like that. Or I think back to a line I made up to say to people on the depression subreddit. “Sometimes life doesn’t have an answer. Sometimes if you just give it a little longer you get that answer your looking for. Because I know if I die I’ll never find that answer I longed for.”
11.) Time for bed. Oh god no, please don’t put me back in that room alone! Last year I missed so much school that electronics and other disctractions are BANNED at night for me. My parents think I’m addicted to electronics. Oh only if they knew my inner core processes. I mean my brain is going so much faster than my hands could ever type it’s insane. 

In bed it’s honestly different each time. And so vast that you’d just have to just see it. Each night usually ends with hysterically laughing. And me asking hysterical questions. I then have a debate with my self. It’s a huge thing that lasts for hours. It’s just odd.

-When the room became a cage

Almost 5 years ago I got into anime. I don’t mean causally either. But not a weeb either. But enough to the point of serious issues. If your anime time takes up more than a work shift of time that’s when you need to reavaluate yourself. Oh boy I tried. But way to late.

The damage was done. My 20/20 vision got brutalized. My phenomenal grades tanked immensely. Got a insane porn addiction that I’m slowly just starting to break. And my social life was diminished. Looking back at all of this. I don’t blame anime at all. It’s how I handled it so poorly. I had a future. THE future in my hands. What did I even do to try to fix this. Your looking at it now I Complained and hid. I hid under words. Like right now. I used my words to lie and deceive others around me to think I’m not that bad. When all I had to do was just take action. I’m doing the same wrong things that got in this cage. This cage called my room is where it’s began and where it will end.

-The end of it all

I won’t make it to adulthood. I’ve predicted this since elementary. It’s very odd. Most people have dreams and jobs they wanted to do in elementary and I remember very fondly just saying that I wanted to live. So odd and crazy that I dunno if anyone would understand. 17 is it. There is the borderline, deadline, final stage, concusion, end, death of it all. That is as far as I can think of in the future anyways. 

One odd side note I decided to add here after I finished typing this was that I’ve honestly never posted here. Kinda a scary experience. Never thought that it would come to this.

Closing-

What can anyone get out of this? Is this even related to suicide? I mean I guess no and yes. And for what you’ll get out of this, let’s be real I just wanted somebody to listen and see the real me at least once. Even if it’s through this. That’s all everyone really wants right?

For anyone who thinks they know me from reading this. Your wrong, the me out there is a odd fellow. But thanks for reading this.

If anyone reading this has suicidal thoughts I hope reading this had some use for you.

And finally to honestly anyone who did read all of this. Thank you. No I mean really if you read it all, thank you. It really means more you think. Say what you think about it all to me truely interested. Anything is appreciated. I’m sick of deleting posts.",0.4285364683301332,2.82287892194498,2.3229811580294317,92.3273431381958,89.27511196417143,5.429262955854127,18.6915195137556,6.961326702584282,0.3058266692258478,5957,170,1267,90,200,1969,535,1563,0.124,0.775,0.101,-0.9941,7,1,3,0,0,2,217.0,0,17,6,8,74,58,4,1,68,2,123,17,4,11,17,237,246,85,6,30,51,7,2,7,2,14,9,15,20,7,111,57,2,7,50,13,2,13,34,19,0,3,32,26,174,39,179,180,41,207,1,9,9,2,91,91,0,42,99,842,285,28,0.03345631266819718,0.0,0.0,0.07294463829112201,0.0,0.0,0.05931400508392441,0.0,0.03350166438284732,0.03465065002827497,0.0,0.0,0.027838332269268087,0.0,0.0,0.022751439880220475,0.1052455828267331,0.0,0.0,0.03317967218746001,0.163754022009335,0.0,0.08259508399002195,0.02978321142488603,0.06255427214906632,0.0,0.0,0.12862919653454266,0.0279346236068309,0.020394657672265774,0.03694986881303306,0.0569377158135446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652562832466024,0.0,0.0,0.0373483096046232,0.06832527174846557,0.0,0.0,0.034368849075710285,0.0,0.02881965093927401,0.0,0.0,0.03752409950539215,0.08013642990184973,0.0,0.0,0.17261243119437528,0.0,0.08644761923130913,0.0,0.034722370479023684,0.10486417777530067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847484728644189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423416023717979,0.02794845621400384,0.0,0.14816181332157966,0.10370794326706838,0.0,0.110487894916723,0.030263150218432507,0.0,0.0319689404932439,0.1503418827534068,0.03272669355256985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329951039273264,0.030578463666523774,0.0,0.0,0.03668311998328901,0.025848264175477257,0.0,0.17479542510750748,0.06418868736715459,0.0760559739614578,0.028061567742080563,0.10703227813233612,0.03688570282784673,0.1474236012082443,0.0331270095354999,0.08875592040395222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03534843121297868,0.1006782284015946,0.0996890023234998,0.032947728717196145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036138558813731264,0.06983939640536144,0.03320022792945277,0.059475015848409585,0.037014453002247136,0.03483960124782464,0.18386714484276573,0.0818140805374475,0.03774017794413286,0.0,0.0,0.1026340393132962,0.11815591529129968,0.1144154509823674,0.03353201458223713,0.02954253703408053,0.05921556780518526,0.11237950581450172,0.0,0.0,0.02844336062143832,0.0,0.06331434397289253,0.022332348498547108,0.033919449869636936,0.0,0.3279935929483014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755088712798198,0.026704509579913643,0.0,0.07378271803139598,0.02480743192006968,0.077410712537899,0.0,0.0,0.06279296609265546,0.03278008296705481,0.032102234326877636,0.0,0.0,0.03562988109570532,0.04534172664029559,0.025445033383352127,0.0,0.0,0.03714927593036645,0.0,0.03193783610248101,0.046388789323009855,0.029212761751732326,0.0,0.03672498456754509,0.0316270295073737,0.0,0.09612569807135878,0.0,0.03607156366889451,0.0,0.0,0.0672656698542053,0.03747872702523235,0.0,0.2342575649508442,0.15232243334157206,0.15003079415166046,0.03439866156391304,0.0,0.0,0.0757989606693805,0.05714301643290736,0.03182461476596661,0.1596348160308847,0.0,0.06771914913500578,0.07998104877944959,0.030457370521899462,0.03490223066360032,0.0,0.0,0.027675407567128302,0.037606297203604415,0.0,0.03410449751242423,0.05669485030785047,0.07726891205858423,0.06617829740909363,0.0,0.07104165091573872,0.03565997780025176,0.05343650902820632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382994736524092,0.1097873276391888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546495031099806,0.08067275046029139,0.029242291918677294,0.09240623312252792,0.0,0.0,0.044453775042884267,0.2143745425108425,0.0,0.07968172545647675,0.13656051475755676,0.0,0.031712672465490616,0.0,0.0,0.06814392051499345,0.03639086096096919,0.0,0.034829201387830966,0.0,0.057791024454639364,0.1105422051953038,0.05520992355954787,0.07893360013949684,0.02655606373284384,0.13418317984378553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256388787582195,0.12178297042604147,0.0,0.0,0.04753280922196519,0.07315845168544555,0.0,0.06463430535006247
suicidewatch,WowzersInMyTrowzers,2018/03/27,"I just lost my step father to suicide. I’m feeling a crazy amount of emotions right now and I want to reach out to anyone who may be considering it. Please don’t. 

Seek help.  I know things may seem hopeless and that no one loves you. I know that’s how my step dad felt. But I cannot tel you the enormous outpouring of emotions and love people have shown him while he was alive and in the past few hours since the incident. People loved this man. Through his many faults and mistakes and atrocities. People fucking loved him and they fucking love you. Even if you can’t see it. Depression, psychosis or whatever is a hell of a blindfold. 

I can’t put into words how heartbroken I am. I’ve never felt this way before. I loved this man so much and I feel guilty I didn’t show it enough. I know it’s not my fault but I can’t help but feel that way a little bit. 

Please people reach out to friends, family, professionals. Someone. It could help alleviate your pain and it would ensure that no one around you has to suffer the immense amount of suffering myself and my family are dealing with right now. I know your problems are real. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety in the past. I know what it feels like to be hopeless and feel like no one cares but we do. There is always someone who is willing to help. 

I love you E. And I don’t know any of you, but I love you. As cheesy as it sounds. Life is precious and I want to make sure everyone knows. YOU ARE CARED FOR. please please please take care of yourselves.

Have a good day everyone. I love you. ",1.1733316008316024,3.6444817628205115,2.183905058905061,94.42415800415802,85.53846153846155,5.424255024255023,20.2914067914068,6.885778809224403,0.3403193693693698,1218,37,260,16,37,383,158,312,0.158,0.5670000000000001,0.275,0.9926,0,1,0,0,0,3,35.0,1,12,1,1,9,34,3,0,10,0,27,13,0,3,2,59,63,27,1,7,9,2,7,2,1,4,2,1,0,2,19,20,0,0,15,1,0,3,12,16,0,3,5,9,41,18,26,51,6,23,1,8,1,11,39,10,3,5,10,164,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734044637460636,0.0,0.0,0.04686263910417656,0.0,0.05271762188489405,0.0,0.0,0.04818499196836947,0.0,0.0,0.061346442058870534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863918155584556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752342421949276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078165203354735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550207607864031,0.0,0.0,0.044442649072668976,0.07104542196103011,0.11870790311236787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503383319141747,0.0,0.07120469360983503,0.0,0.045515838752377,0.0,0.0,0.13169706434099035,0.0,0.0,0.1299285228232238,0.0,0.17422032016147132,0.098461736885908,0.13233298128688886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324137205829753,0.12741638255981833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780025917998208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476150137665226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786460673720289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26510628725353763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867470406682828,0.06733401132985255,0.06906809881380292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522577469658284,0.0,0.5597633202614721,0.0,0.045999408984481856,0.0698661247912895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065837452389882,0.0,0.05314931426405412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400900107701541,0.0,0.07332740818323433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131568928816685,0.19110008895866185,0.0,0.0,0.378224346888818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593964046826985,0.0,0.06927576511803095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843713693217585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770123431824825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491407787606167,0.06273505195030886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700485963558113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677811703477835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537872973393886,0.0,0.0649489052445172,0.0,0.051813376062606185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578218406440368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129236734037369,0.1093985468428922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895322880450245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxtentapsycho,2018/03/27,"Hanging on by a thread, I don’t really have any will anymore. Hi, I’ve struggled with depression,anxiety,ptsd and a mood disorder for about seven years now. This all started when I was 10 and now I am 17. These last seven years have been nothing but hell and have not gotten better. My problems didn’t get as bad until I was about 13 years old when my father overdosed from opioids and tragically passed away. This sent me into the biggest state of shock and has triggered an absolute plague on me since then. Over the course of the years my life has continued to fall apart with me failing in school and other serious health problems within myself and family. This year has been the darkest year out of all mentally wise. I ended up falling in love with a girl online a year ago, ended up meeting twice and then on our one year anniversary she ended up breaking up over things that could of easily been fixed. She basically broke up with me because she couldn’t handle how depressed I was.Ever since she broke up with me, life has been constantly taking a massive dump on me and I ended up hitting a point to where I got so depressed I dropped out of school to pursue my ged because I couldn’t deal with the stress at school and at home.  I have lost so many friends over the last few years and I have become so isolated. I went from hanging out with friends every day to hanging out with them every few months because I have gotten into this state of isolation where I don’t leave my room for more than a hour a day. I have my own bathroom and shower connected to my room and the only time I leave my house is to get the only meal I eat a day. My family has been trying to support me and be there for me every way they can but they can barely take care of themselves. My poor mother deserves the world and I wish I could give her the world. When my father passed apart of her died that day. She is currently struggling with major depressive disorder. It’s to a point where she doesn’t do anything but lay in bed all day. I don’t know what I can do to help myself now. I’ve been smoking weed every day for months now to try to numb out the pain but in the end it’s just leading to a legitimate addiction to thc. And that’s something I don’t want to admit to myself. I live every day suicidal and constantly putting a lot of blame and hate on myself. I’ve tried getting professional help but that doesn’t even seem to help. I’ve been on medication too and that didn’t work either. I’ve also attempted and self harmed in the past. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like the only true way I can kill Myself is by  jumping in front of a train. I just don’t see it ever getting better. I feel like all I do is mess up and make everyone hate me. The breakup with my ex girlfriend really set me off to be in a bad state these last few months and I’ve done nothing but beg for her back. I really don’t see a future for myself. I don’t see how I’ll get my ged and go to college. I don’t see how I’ll be stable enough to live on my own and be successful. All I really see if myself dead. There’s so much pain from so many things that I can’t even talk about it in one sitting. I’m affected by everything that happens or anything anyone says to me. I can appear as a strong person but quickly I can become the weakest. So I’m really not sure what to do but want to die. I feel ungrateful saying that because there are other people who are in worse situations but i believe everyone has there own demons and depression. You could be the richest man in the world and feel suicidal. Everyone feels differently. ",4.294348126259976,4.937272025710421,5.253406423462486,84.26029576647983,70.28552097428958,8.360122614675099,27.12493441219519,8.480668928828255,1.7194635939355438,2853,89,591,43,49,937,292,739,0.222,0.6829999999999999,0.096,-0.9988,3,1,2,0,0,2,48.0,1,1,3,9,36,43,5,3,35,0,66,11,0,7,8,96,110,55,6,11,17,4,5,2,3,1,8,2,5,4,26,43,2,0,9,0,1,15,18,28,0,5,18,12,85,14,102,80,17,128,2,9,5,1,39,53,1,5,53,409,111,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058768704955451785,0.0,0.0,0.047787025149010495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043110962113136315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03665992974825978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692637106630333,0.037694386279740144,0.0,0.0887249332369575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064922637294637,0.041452649444231465,0.09002343098827872,0.13144956476448302,0.11907638391457097,0.0,0.06073691794809384,0.0,0.09535615815808143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549637600690405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165128314165012,0.0,0.12912571274366688,0.0,0.0,0.24336765849787176,0.05557775293527405,0.1857267739014206,0.0,0.11189794308892964,0.05632337133518741,0.12356863789499267,0.0,0.0,0.055167565311463065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516230690861741,0.0,0.0,0.2387366116755532,0.055702348723468936,0.0,0.0712126966381861,0.048763725144855184,0.2271030470856636,0.15453691530453526,0.04844988175673735,0.0,0.10164110707478367,0.0,0.13628990641437527,0.07702511907416941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832998310239935,0.0,0.14082598812414882,0.05171437020912837,0.030637694548582336,0.0,0.04311590626555127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767150011722678,0.0,0.0,0.10644784050504168,0.0,0.05730268534410447,0.0,0.0,0.10840208410361504,0.0,0.054075065135993854,0.0,0.053089449568737686,0.062203682085231714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059642257979124175,0.0,0.05925389028945782,0.1318289506383641,0.0,0.11416357326339248,0.0,0.0,0.07615496121080499,0.052674372852401424,0.0,0.09520516837233776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058847979293367714,0.04583145540132921,0.048654925659601986,0.0,0.035984637956130015,0.1093104133951156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430758840381592,0.054327534864993934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290888115629732,0.0,0.039629275830554964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034541691762239,0.0,0.056568367051294886,0.0,0.0730601896868572,0.12300054078161153,0.11472583209167835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146218586570805,0.03737367319698372,0.04707120952385099,0.0,0.0,0.10192275178982856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316715547404323,0.06301666932147364,0.05419337730506984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267724600640585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574111018729212,0.0,0.16367618464839648,0.21479223914935994,0.04907667688409762,0.05623878448666991,0.0,0.0,0.08918806919534175,0.06059591044938103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04150173795161005,0.0,0.0,0.03815702721062445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175251188499317,0.11271466388745717,0.0,0.11793526738501492,0.0611752294860249,0.05080854064145477,0.0,0.08106563193134468,0.04332996622108758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162941241067901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03143473809478741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098019005391605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635937824402686,0.0855808191447908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499741301041397,0.0,0.0,0.0619926237796272,0.0,0.0,0.03924635244061586,0.0,0.05493781832475323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31244032543902883
suicidewatch,EatMoreWafflez,2018/03/27,"Will my parents go to jail if I steal their gun to kill myself? I don't want them to get slandered by aggressive idiots over a choice I made. They don't need to be involved in my situation, no one is pushing suicide other than myself.

I have social anxiety, depression, and 99% sure some other unsolved bullshit.

I tell myself I don't want to make it to 18, I am now 17.

I am a female and I hate it. I fucking hate women and men sometimes, they make me feel ashamed for being a female.

There's your random mess of jumbled shit i'm too lazy to further explain. It's 5 am.

edit: oh yeah people don't want to help suicidal teens if my situation offends them. whoops. Well good luck, because I'm going to take a nice walk and breath my last breath in a place I love: forests.
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suicidewatch,MissyWhistle,2018/03/27,"Why must I exist? I'm in my 30s and have hated most everything in life long past the point of hating to even hate.

The only luck I've ever had in life is surviving, as much as I have tried in the past not too, with scars covering from head to toe and surgery bills in the hundreds of thousands.

I'm someone who has known their whole life that they shouldn't exist, yet continue to slave away for all that I hate, live to work.

There is not much left of me. I honestly have no clue how I am even still alive after all these years of consistent trauma and attempts.",6.1833908045977,5.073079293103447,6.1913793103448285,85.10821839080461,66.41379310344827,9.802298850574713,28.81609195402299,8.841846274778883,1.8257229885057469,442,11,98,6,6,140,79,116,0.156,0.76,0.085,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,3,8,7,4,0,4,0,10,5,2,1,4,15,16,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,9,2,20,13,6,17,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,9,68,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811467038651685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082488883884284,0.1426008567922925,0.0,0.0,0.14168307752273804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225756221296297,0.16179143911815974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128407070336074,0.0,0.3340524955400281,0.0,0.0,0.13920530620477226,0.1395127513744153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317775629613257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198977480990886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30098405218447205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902749624524075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357390376177766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589720363562967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703205472096268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422520166157972,0.17600739350465935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476899001007858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015195846496265
suicidewatch,thefailedgeochemist,2018/03/27,"I’m going to do it next Monday morning My life is beyond recovery. I have failed beyond comprehension despite being given every opportunity and more to succeed. I can’t go on I am worthless. I have failed. There is nothing that can be done at this point, I have disappointed my family, friends, and my department. 

I am going to visit home for Easter this weekend. While I am there I am going to purchase ammunition for the rifle I inherited from my uncle, it’s an antique from the First World War but I spent two years restoring it and now it will finally get to be used for something besides target shooting. I’m going to load the rifle and ammo into the back of my car before I drive back down early Monday morning. I am going to wrap the case in towels so I won’t be stopped while I enter the hall housing the geology department that gave me the only reason I had to live. I will walk up to the office door of the professor who has been my guide and mentor for years and I have so miserably failed.  I will place the bit of the rifle on the ground and kneel in front of the door and pull the trigger.

This is not a cry for help, this is a shameful confession on a throwaway account. Allow me to be erased from history, that is my only request.",3.716727964489536,5.153955891566266,5.443944197844008,79.37412175015855,72.4136546184739,7.651743817374762,27.161488057493127,8.20500826718156,1.8885694779116475,983,35,184,15,19,336,134,249,0.121,0.82,0.058,-0.9513,1,0,1,4,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,6,9,11,1,2,19,0,30,1,0,4,0,17,43,13,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,12,9,0,1,2,1,4,15,3,8,0,2,6,0,27,3,33,28,2,46,1,6,0,0,7,16,0,0,15,143,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472789204576885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682252240375886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554369817460644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766229436713544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454649072371896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547456451860015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158080103776353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614025711422146,0.0,0.13676996621013032,0.0,0.0,0.12422783927015935,0.0,0.08400741275313774,0.0,0.5482922902294824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777578229576723,0.0,0.1612879262216681,0.0,0.0,0.1855328858439212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135724546451493,0.0,0.0,0.14198266921862748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100458269885047,0.0,0.0,0.15428468152054214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24457979041933425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679938755065609,0.0,0.1520008272726524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532140691770442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378587491251587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442967855489127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707084854645165,0.0,0.0,0.13887304092202607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070901174602816
suicidewatch,twayyyboyo,2018/03/27,"I hate this Honestly I don't know how much longer I can keep telling myself things will get better as long as I don't give up and keep pushing myself forward. Like there's some hope for me when I'm such an empty person. Every day it feels like the world's pushing me down a little more, and no matter how hard I push back I ultimately just end up deeper in this hole. Just what is the point, when will I finally not feel like a shell of a human with absolutely nothing to live for.",6.39079207920792,4.856690851485151,6.891960396039604,81.62902970297031,66.22772277227723,9.664158415841584,29.11089108910891,8.238735603445708,1.7372914851485142,380,9,83,4,5,125,73,101,0.09,0.737,0.174,0.82,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,1,0,6,0,6,0,0,2,0,16,16,8,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,3,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,3,11,6,11,14,3,18,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,11,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694254424390067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805124433697165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162949610984884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807746030368318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196551001217786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064011343469073,0.29162232861503584,0.0,0.22358476852062156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066353498181087,0.1957941155368305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283612325827275,0.20150937445634148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272024909970174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628321002412963,0.0,0.0,0.11216962513925126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991431260514329,0.20456474206253136,0.18022661458136208,0.1806246583313083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003912798765925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584225303860464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782147940447011,0.0,0.0,0.1929432279564615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839494519456256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559690848653327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaad,2018/03/27,"only support i have in life is my mom, this morning she just dgaf about me being depressed and thought i was trying to skip school because im behind idk i dont make any sense rn im at a church after fakegoing to school, she thinks shes doing the right thing pushing me but sshes the only thing i have in my life to talk about depression and she just wasnt there flr me in just fuckin crying behind a. fucking churchs thinking abt jumping down this cliff or go to the train station to kms. it just isnt worth it anymore what are the success rwtes of train suicidew im scared of failinf and ending up alive but cripööed.  when i left home she wwd like ""sorry for being harsh"" etc but if i wouldve fucking stayde at home she woulf be pissed whole day sorry i have nlo one to takk about this 

13 views no one cares yah seems abt right bye",1.9994869942196518,3.96257682080925,2.541325867052027,96.1007749277457,78.47976878612718,4.5562138728323704,21.795158959537574,4.557286568694721,-0.2337973988439304,662,19,143,1,16,204,111,173,0.17600000000000002,0.733,0.091,-0.9349,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,4,1,6,1,14,6,1,1,0,17,24,9,0,1,9,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,1,3,4,7,0,2,3,1,18,4,22,18,2,17,2,2,1,3,9,10,4,3,6,86,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776606963489726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799407136421911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786745346609959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158653676482246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417677130805476,0.0832338235283795,0.0,0.22232051565879876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151258813351173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430995219356987,0.0,0.14393739960576155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386300754319889,0.0,0.0,0.0733484775248712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25891789563303946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182248621690355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022541606464894,0.0,0.1823195427423777,0.06305280325800211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861493805997867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511549657169572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491047417786976,0.19631377913158496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043518941228546,0.0,0.0,0.12921281723951286,0.2612337324533903,0.0,0.11749250668063616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28894698598570595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645716693595542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373453682949953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148510760146365,0.1653944640428052,0.0,0.10246020913928687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762411089291552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409226662640845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mimsayy,2018/03/27,"Tired of everything I've been dealing with an abusive family for years. When I only thought that it was just my father I had to worry about, my mother, who was the one parent I thought who would be there for me suddenly turned on me too.
I've been outcasted, bullied to the point where I attempted suicide, abused by most relationships I've been (mentally and emotionally), and then abuse with my family (mentally, emotionally, and physically - physical ceased after turning 18).
Between everything, I ended up feeling worthless. I am never enough for anyone. That my friends and my boyfriend are just putting up with me because they pity me.
These feelings have amplified after my mother started dumping her true(?) feelings about me. The worse thing was when she brought up how I was a mistake (unplanned pregnancy) and how she wished that she got the abortion and that my father was right about me. 
I ended up being so depressed that I stopped eating for 2 weeks straight. I stopped going to work as well.
I can't bring myself to tell my boyfriend that I've gone back into depression and at this point, I feel like it would be better if I was dead. ",7.030166908563133,7.7348053113207555,6.688867924528303,76.15250362844705,64.28301886792453,9.730624092888245,36.119013062409294,9.661875296680813,3.520325399129172,914,42,159,17,13,286,125,212,0.233,0.708,0.059,-0.9921,1,0,0,0,2,1,30.0,0,0,1,3,15,11,1,0,6,0,19,2,0,2,2,31,34,15,2,5,3,5,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,13,11,1,2,6,0,0,5,2,6,1,1,15,4,33,5,27,14,2,32,0,4,0,0,16,12,0,2,16,123,46,1,0.0,0.4027973488746114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923604561467322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713615862682314,0.0,0.0690788784330575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022241563214836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682804261777655,0.19520486445257115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595474811513352,0.0,0.2549397099959397,0.2007359388979771,0.11708995104847868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368958987220467,0.0,0.2136562016618397,0.0,0.2291921807417405,0.0809558988856231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755082470011265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440242174959297,0.0,0.09063243237923192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536247465448795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284000062369544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739944363132167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678862947499357,0.08618503904598243,0.0,0.0,0.1258285555515673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142482371262936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391799522322167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166337373218784,0.0,0.09677474240803163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020854686806188,0.0,0.0,0.1894813479940949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395379190880075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990467582744119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528483614250167,0.0,0.0,0.17992699573900092,0.0,0.1302447797467318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465194464936375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908985452675183,0.0,0.10188837507351577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031251733672422,0.0,0.0,0.08249837917816387,0.11508205769417013,0.11548285854677633,0.1609986890974405,0.0,0.0,0.07297442617295068
suicidewatch,a-lonely-panda,2018/03/27,"Not sure what to name this. I'm suicidal. I'm dissociating so this is going to be hard to think through and type out so sorry if it's kinda scattered. I'm going to try to just list the facts.

-depressed (diagnosed major depressive disorder and on meds), age 21, live at mom's house, not in college/working, can't drive

-last year (late summer/early fall? maybe?) I switched to Wellbutrin, heard it made some people more apathetic but didn't think that was me. Now I do. I don't know if it took a while to happen or happened so slowly I didn't notice earlier or if it did happen earlier but I didn't put it together until recently but it's been getting worse and I've been dissociating more. I mean I've been more empty than I used to be in general and dissociate once in a while but TMI it gets worse the week before and during my period, and every month those weeks are worse than the last time and I'm due for it in a couple days and I've been dissociating for several days. This is really embarrassing to talk about, like I'm a really private person but I don't know what else to do.

-before depression I loved to sing and now I'm in a couple choirs around my town because I thought it'd be nice/good for me to get outside/be involved in something I used to care about. One of them is doing a piece with another choir that's coming here from out of state to sing with us. I can't say much more about it because I don't want there to be identifying info. They invited us to sing with them too for their concert and auditions for that were last week. I completely failed, as in my voice was so shaky and I couldn't hit some of the notes and I was so scared I stopped multiple times during it and eventually we skipped to the end. It was that bad. I'm super shy in the first place + it was a cappella/without accompaniment + depression complicates things (like I can't make myself try and my throat tenses up and it's hard to breathe right and those probably sound so much like excuses and depressionbrain says they are too but it didn't used to be like that, I used to be decent and I've been taught since I was 7 and I hate being bad now like I hate not reading or being good at math or thinking through things). A dozen people tried out, half made it including my mom because she's in the chorus too. The auditions are a big deal to her and she told all our extended family about it and they already think I'm supposed to be so good and they're excited too now and she's been wanting to use that concert to honor her mom, who's dead but was supposed to have had an amazing voice. I didn't make it obviously (well not the first cut, we're allowed to reaudition next week but I'm terrified of going through that again and I can't handle not doing the concert). This is what triggered me and with the dissociating I'm in a really bad place already. I decided to kill myself tonight. I got home from choir practice and started to do things but was too scared to finish.

-I can't trust my psychiatrist/that hospital because my dad (a physical rehab doctor, doesn't work for the hospital anymore because he's his own boss but sees some patients there, has friends there etc.) found out I was seeing a psych again and got the doctor to tell him some things I had said in appointments. I don't know exactly how much but I know this is what happened because my dad brought up something to me that my doctor has suggested and that I *only* told to my mom, and never in a million years would have told him. Plus my dad admitted (not flat out) that my doctor told him. I know all this is against the law but it's too overwhelming for me to get involved and so is the idea of getting a new psych again and I couldn't deal with a fight with my dad so I kept acting like it the conversation didn't happen. I haven't had an appointment since Novemberish because of this and luckily my doctor puts like 10 refills with the prescriptions so I still have medicine. My doctor is taking a break for the winter and I think he will be back in May.

-can't talk to my friends about this, I don't think my mom gets how upset I am and I yelled at her earlier but I wasn't mad then, just really upset and I think she's mad, don't want to go to the hospital because of my dad. I'm at his house currently (didn't want to be around my mom and I come here to exercise sometimes when I can make myself). I'm sorry this is so long and all over the place and I probably forgot something too.

I don't know what to do. I'm so alone. I'm scared and overwhelmed and exhausted and now angry that my mom wasn't understanding earlier and at the end of my rope and can't handle all of this and I can't hold onto my thoughts it's so foggy it's like it's not real.",1.9002329669351603,3.909383592630501,3.5522445596546675,88.50936545992614,78.98976458546571,7.031858840283033,23.31147923990921,8.04050195162591,1.2159239553201906,3738,124,800,68,92,1242,350,977,0.147,0.768,0.085,-0.9962,2,1,3,0,1,1,84.0,4,0,6,6,48,46,7,9,39,0,88,13,2,15,9,159,174,86,3,10,29,12,2,8,2,3,10,14,1,1,56,62,0,4,22,12,2,13,36,25,1,6,47,18,100,21,109,109,19,99,0,7,2,1,62,36,0,14,56,531,156,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685973624931551,0.0998570305881158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047442883453767466,0.0,0.0,0.0448704623513387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055453106299136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03479028658135743,0.11333199464124155,0.22064539133034689,0.0,0.07699960443697358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046129861179645085,0.0,0.0,0.07794839292825523,0.04743807769237456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001245267608461,0.0,0.058358017761003474,0.0932903434685108,0.15587634991954846,0.04592229280138512,0.0,0.0,0.051854204525798114,0.2778584476183621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779603804532039,0.0,0.08014653103251096,0.0,0.05045966271032622,0.0,0.0,0.03812050712097122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426525601015624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697002739038057,0.0,0.04960834286849579,0.06991169520786013,0.0,0.14183054305949855,0.0,0.10285414204670107,0.11384701257233455,0.07237244206605059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004814807709848,0.0,0.08106050728595737,0.08933930464732658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045383999290993335,0.0,0.0,0.10441233335747678,0.0,0.051075619729479486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005642040431107,0.0,0.14919141612436226,0.11064110578983864,0.051037853056759584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683371766079836,0.0,0.039951790007489434,0.04004002647771656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083499679723735,0.08562302458820234,0.0906033185192006,0.0,0.04545425842294475,0.049284607758620085,0.05025652488081081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709293085446497,0.03611378933904432,0.0,0.09977990900279088,0.0,0.034895406670461954,0.0436974939630724,0.04811812044315696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151125027446725,0.0,0.04818399739620534,0.030658896005111805,0.034410539260474236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273378510439223,0.039505819073617464,0.1418128580139815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975626118555062,0.0,0.0,0.09096659212538626,0.0,0.0,0.045256820369051036,0.05149823340554623,0.11593933715092687,0.0,0.044673560990892563,0.0,0.0,0.03863862115647655,0.04303795319719457,0.0719606065043629,0.13589314230245111,0.0,0.072108139341116,0.0,0.0,0.051113493138109714,0.0,0.07485356252362951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449445642093967,0.044748043102919965,0.1012951984261112,0.03202434415045602,0.0,0.03613237727290297,0.03782649190887804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949022324729424,0.0,0.04264247794522437,0.0,0.034018290804121235,0.07273175358406203,0.03954575413496004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023394493876192,0.20293628427460986,0.0,0.07183827981551152,0.05276495286019678,0.0,0.0,0.1729325272063936,0.050268389304339696,0.09215429262427263,0.0,0.0,0.04710119981807751,0.10884730952949924,0.19538393661535589,0.0,0.0,0.10674569396901716,0.0,0.14516988077149293,0.0,0.04068030796833032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361415723201228,0.0,0.06587718116878967,0.0,0.13832426655218472,0.032140449046594785,0.0,0.0,0.05827204778535061
suicidewatch,idk_just_bored,2018/03/27,"I don't even know anymore I just want to die. I'm a worthless human being who can't get a job, has no talents (and I don't even mean than in a has-talent-but-doesnt-realize way. I literally have nothing), and can't even handle basic, day to day interactions with people because my social anxiety is so bad. I'm such a good for nothing that I don't even feel right calling myself human anymore, because to me that would diminish the value of the term by, like, 40%. I just hate myself so much that I don't even know what to do anymore. Death seems like the only option...    
    
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.",5.368830146231723,4.698863858267721,6.81642294713161,78.50661417322839,67.8976377952756,8.831946006749156,29.95388076490439,7.957251820313856,1.9803754780652407,478,15,96,5,7,165,76,127,0.183,0.703,0.114,-0.8687,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,1,0,7,0,12,1,1,0,0,15,24,4,2,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,1,12,4,12,22,2,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,5,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424868994845533,0.0,0.4443310050427573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469702646635752,0.1820789285243096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524981746569172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926306329021377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549967671495212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932055699248333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551343413900112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605343431582264,0.0,0.0,0.1252636908472982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744749271411414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820209354085306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415246218778765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592506847533726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268073435524705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978592579366833,0.11073759354118716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866015465129804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358377495608465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353717614686493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754000792692488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595828572883428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223865153095034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717975465410925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880876843394522,0.11854328981640362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609056440127457,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,futurechange1981,2018/03/27,All that I ever do in life is mess everything up. I’m tired of living this way and I have no one to blame but myself. I’m truly feel like I’m reaping what I’ve sown and I wish I was brave enough to kill myself. I just want to sleep and not wake up.,-1.0861494252873565,0.5014004999999989,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,87.10344827586206,4.55632183908046,13.114942528735632,5.46131890053228,-1.3532160919540233,191,2,51,1,6,66,42,58,0.196,0.563,0.241,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,11,10,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,7,2,7,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30761136291750457,0.0,0.0,0.269293419335179,0.0,0.0,0.2675602465951774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052982441424864,0.2126822512899306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32936916817487544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027956583377733,0.1454448151225366,0.0,0.2628811196561469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201734262913734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979224360869793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421709023876385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559555869578808,0.2363063050304901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34234885832827844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemiGraceling,2018/03/27,"Would someone mind having a debate with me about whether I should kill myself or not. I have been wanting to do something like this for a while. Today something broke. I am going wait 4 months or until I feel more stable to kill myself. Which ever comes first. So you don't have to be worried about pushing me over the edge tonight. The short version of the argument would go something like this.
Me: I want to die I have always wanted to die. 
Arguer: People care about you and you dying will cause them pain and they matter more then you do.
Me: Yep ok but I have no reason to live for myself.
Arguer: yep.
If you think you have something more then that to add I would love to hear it.
Disclaimer: I am in therapy and antidepressants and have been for year. I am doing ""all of the things I am supposed to be doing"". ",0.4070370370370355,2.863459364197535,1.6104012345679024,95.53930555555556,94.24691358024693,3.4407407407407407,16.626543209876544,5.148860815047168,-0.6907827160493825,635,16,128,3,24,200,94,162,0.15,0.727,0.123,-0.6862,0,0,4,0,0,3,21.0,0,6,2,1,6,9,2,0,6,3,25,2,0,2,2,29,37,14,5,8,6,0,1,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,2,2,26,5,21,28,5,17,0,1,0,1,10,3,0,3,12,105,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568708208414227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175400799016136,0.1428257923535349,0.0,0.11976512427537665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328847380197344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576383921207426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029955904972336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182618980274904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803198297876858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670095713690296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307640128823218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584957544420045,0.0,0.12276920448314428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254832404487703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038428879097228,0.0,0.11097528263928066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479415391029814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638838322436834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294968338754094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178027070348798,0.4281393911776322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899702356538178,0.0,0.09236773727306613,0.08908710858222084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178758365036172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601683544318115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119535639047376,0.0,0.2962964132852454,0.0,0.0,0.08953307159541737
suicidewatch,roger1954,2018/03/27,"Please help, my girlfriend is suicidal. She has depression and recently it has been very bad, she feels like she has no one to talk to about her problem. i do try my utter best to help her, but with me working and her going to college and staying around campus, and the college is far away, so it is restrictive. Only around the afternoon I have the rest of the day off, and by then its too late and I cant seem to cheer her up and tell her it’s possible to fight back. Ever since we we graduated last year from high school its been pretty wonky.... She refuses to get help from therapy or medication. I just do not know what to do and Im frightened. Any help is appreciated",2.9684358288770056,4.54729560294118,4.415641711229945,85.42561497326204,74.58823529411767,8.180748663101605,25.59893048128342,8.841846274778883,1.7809499999999991,526,18,112,11,11,175,89,136,0.13699999999999998,0.703,0.16,0.586,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,2,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,4,0,14,1,0,0,1,24,19,12,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,13,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,1,18,3,19,17,2,18,0,1,0,0,20,7,0,2,10,82,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844892447753424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839343147968356,0.0,0.0,0.14983264189222667,0.12262694663741293,0.133155523421588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735987714339526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284861426922673,0.0,0.13735616117245394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425487396709133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063569062613607,0.11392945074784552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331945563138958,0.0,0.09063369856628517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275727208749243,0.16849480152455693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722610901178397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764365776378158,0.12999395625238652,0.17989550240247498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791175709553462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606549601651111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806484147777744,0.12128843353420105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505639637633838,0.0,0.17978485663626875,0.0,0.1622440892630757,0.0,0.15259667884521316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746298516175225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613978923727343,0.0,0.14518066078030328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191992247232626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997984565768828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444049939133366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818050297949354,0.1393887650423254,0.0,0.1823743274637943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827351189551766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158412966480396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610018734564215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269710307669673
suicidewatch,maybejolisa,2018/03/27,"It’s been years now and I don’t know what to do the low-level suicidal impulses are almost boring to me by this point, I’m so used to them. It’s been over a decade now, it’s just routine—but for those of you with partners how the hell do you explain it?? How do you articulate this without sounding absolutely melodramatic? I’m lost.",3.4908695652173947,4.552011420289858,5.1833043478260885,82.4801739130435,72.47826086956522,8.418550724637681,28.29275362318841,8.841846274778883,2.0603310144927542,264,10,56,5,5,90,49,69,0.205,0.795,0.0,-0.935,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,1,6,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,0,10,13,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,6,0,9,10,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,2,1,1,3,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38754188057245226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269456428659025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224750561964716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658564049875523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233340661337325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342586511735575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730708271362088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492264260725509
suicidewatch,kid_crad,2018/03/27,"I’m not sure who can clean out my room for me when I kill myself Im gonna do it next week. I have no reason left to be here. I’m dangerously poor. I have no friends or family. I don’t know what to do with all my stuff. I worked in a place where we got free toys, if any body wants toys you can have them. I have tons of new books and a new iMac and desk. I asked my sister if she would want anything but she said no. I have no friends so there’s nobody who could take anything. So if anyone wants anything let me know ",-0.9482051282051278,0.8630097350427341,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,88.40170940170941,4.283760683760684,14.128205128205128,5.369823440869387,-1.3648153846153843,397,6,107,2,13,130,78,117,0.147,0.755,0.097,-0.5901,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,1,1,1,6,6,2,0,2,0,14,1,1,1,2,21,26,10,1,8,6,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,5,0,0,3,3,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,19,5,7,19,2,11,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,4,5,67,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491184984825875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815439053058685,0.0,0.4171671744572567,0.0,0.1579730154751631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769812311224535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491637523804395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929882728625194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611062743640105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514833718670213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825268495532122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869507726984546,0.0,0.18573342040271068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835967136589597,0.17279298038543145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264028947894511,0.1797116079213437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654760481705525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373906238127462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607381938338223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934410915873136,0.0,0.0,0.15926117243793006,0.0,0.12705154903892146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29900544937920404,0.0,0.13554515666303893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301908349843395,0.0,0.0,0.12003818362566555,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ConcernedAmerican241,2018/03/27,"Tell me your story. If you are having suicidal thoughts, tell me. Let loose. I'm here to talk. Everyone is.",-0.9385714285714286,0.11402371428571813,1.2194285714285726,93.80057142857143,121.38095238095238,5.48952380952381,18.48571428571429,6.742157984588678,0.8758114285714291,82,3,17,2,5,27,19,21,0.274,0.726,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492108889062723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737056816986875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997518600241336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937413884027622,0.638852999006087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29013292012938097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ellatheunmighty,2018/03/27,"I'm running out of reasons not to commit suicide I don't want to live. So far the only reason I haven't killed myself is that I'm too scared to do anything about it. But every day is filled with intense emotional agony. I used to have highs and lows, now there's no peaks. Only crippling depression.",3.046721311475409,4.715067114754099,4.063081967213115,87.66183606557377,74.57377049180329,6.191475409836067,25.31475409836065,6.742157984588678,0.980741639344263,238,8,47,2,5,77,48,61,0.241,0.612,0.147,-0.6629999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,3,1,10,10,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,10,0,8,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097966362199865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750750536169275,0.0,0.21035408640216469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747247612615647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057734724416581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258041355667417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702032114081732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565868822291748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714943313711818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022161922613267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445158427356489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671468943787008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093544725980176,0.0,0.0,0.14405259645742874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madhatter431,2018/03/27,I’m terrified So I know I have a problem because I made a plan and that was how I got through my day with that plan I told myself just a little longer which is terrifying I gave up I can’t do this anymore I’ve written notes and I’ve made a plan and all I had to do was follow through but of course first I had to isolate myself and make everyone hate me because they deserve better in their lives than just me. I’ve been pushing them away hoping they’ll find better friends who are much less boring and more fun to be around I feel like a burden I’m pretty sure this post doesn’t make sense and I kinda went off track but a couple minutes ago I went to someone I truly care about and instead of pushing her away I told her I needed help there is absolutely no turning back I feel so bad now because even though I’ve done nothing but push her away I suddenly come and say I need help she’s dealing with her own problems too and now I feel bad and I don’t know what to do because it goes against everything I’ve been trying to do I’ve been trying to make them forget I exist in a way but now I’m doing this I’m terrified ,1.4113636363636353,3.157985590909096,3.0842975206611563,92.54190082644631,79.45454545454545,5.55702479338843,22.983471074380173,6.351523495107088,0.4027123966942153,891,29,198,7,22,295,130,242,0.17800000000000002,0.65,0.173,-0.0941,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,5,6,19,15,1,0,7,0,22,0,0,6,2,41,51,18,0,5,6,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,9,14,0,0,6,0,0,7,4,7,0,1,17,4,36,8,24,32,5,26,0,0,0,0,19,9,0,2,9,132,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030029998493092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523773397157867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344134130105877,0.0,0.0,0.3275170764569919,0.089349509226482,0.19404186428440973,0.2833342200609482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055363420041422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847216168939688,0.0,0.0,0.10009475830050553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857148081684913,0.0,0.07493844918728078,0.11979559847816798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189114556460531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767480436187381,0.0,0.0,0.11103269010915716,0.1044317604564594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626042842492712,0.08301226435052504,0.0,0.0,0.10620336576424162,0.09883842371342502,0.0,0.0,0.08977470825665687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293459203047642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472200733682973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577087180424978,0.0,0.0,0.11541137461859682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277193638550314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676874007180908,0.11646146936374388,0.10260544481405556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989974723411385,0.2326902948916536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541930115286551,0.17231949875643926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149563860525903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128608664962553,0.11821569522901708,0.0,0.22237263078441644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240574750324383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845465079374394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951575428092436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416448129473925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206538021831435,0.0,0.1577823702762018,0.12639065059846527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922329970738634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543443223490327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whyaskwhy99,2018/03/27,"Getting sick of everything around me Not even sure where to begin. I've got to be one of the biggest losers on the face of the earth, and it's all my fault for not studying or caring about anything while I was in school. I'm 25 (going on 26), making $10.75 and living in a trailer park, so i'm already a living joke.  Lot rent went up recently, as well as most of my other bills, but of course getting a raise at work is unthinkable, even though it's been almost a year since my last one. Soon I probably won't be able to afford all the things I currently have, which isn't even much.
 I'm engaged, and i'm honestly not sure if it was a good decision. My fiancé has many health problems, is unemployed ( and never will get a job because she's 25 with no work experience or even a high school diploma), and also seems to think she can boss me around any time she wants. Being the obsequious wuss that I am, I let her get away with everything. She hasn't moved in yet, and i'm not sure if she ever will because i'm barely making enough as it is alone. I'm sure if she does move in eventually, she'll think she's in charge despite the fact that I make the money, own the home and do all of the housework as well. Seems fair. 
 I have no friends to speak of, but most of the people in my life either ridicule me for the way my life is ( my Dad) or routinely mock me  in front of my face ( my mom and my fiancé ). Oh, but it's all in good fun, right? 
 I'm not smart enough to get a better paying job, and even if I was, my anxiety issues would still be a problem. I don't make enough money to get the psychological help that I need, so I guess I don't even have to worry about that.
 I just feel trapped in life, can't get a better job or decent raise to move out of this shitty trailer park, can't get my fiancé to get a job so she might possibly be able to help with bills or savings if she ever wants to move in, can't be a man and stick up for myself... it's just an endless Twilight Zone cycle of inescapable bullshit. 
 I know I'm a weak person and an evolutionary dead end with no positive traits to pass on. I feel as though I should have ended things when I was 16 like I had wanted to. I think about it all the time and the only things stopping me are fear and knowing it would upset the few people who care about me. Life is miserable for me though, and I just don't see a suitable way to change it that isn't at the end of a noose. 
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suicidewatch,r59throwaway,2018/03/27,Fleeting thoughts Maybe once a day I get a sudden feeling of stabbing myself or another way of ending myself off it usally disappears within 10 or so minutes but lately the thoughts have became more frequent and to the point of some lasting quite a while im scared to get help in fear of showing weakness this is my first reach for help.,4.852,6.618625584615388,5.092307692307696,81.70769230769233,70.07692307692308,7.046153846153848,31.461538461538463,7.554174236665415,2.221676923076924,273,12,47,3,5,86,52,65,0.185,0.6890000000000001,0.126,-0.754,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,4,0,10,5,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,8,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414548658912455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485030664914513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394807917779226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25911422030627856,0.11642983633489863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586486200085715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24060984676508085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30868602678401963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487277082090313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769821320393876,0.2597510325696355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313339972768159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452266764253975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767659876462744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449171353589261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305372837224592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656123101289845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277510471207525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Worthlessshutin,2018/03/27,"My Life Story So when I was 13 I was taken out of school to be ""homeschooled"" but that never actually happened and I have just been living as a recluse/hikikomori ever since. I have went to a psych ward to get meds to help with my depression. I have had 3 jobs in my entire life, 1 was at a gym, 1 was at McDonald's, and 1 was as a dishwasher. When I worked at the dishwasher job I got injured, and went back to my reclusive life. Will it be possible to get a job when I do recover from my injury, or am I screwed? I think about suicide every day but I'm too much of a pussy to do it. Please help, I honestly don't know what to do at this point. What would you guys do in this situation?",2.7414189189189173,3.1370924662162167,4.692810810810808,87.77786486486491,73.66216216216216,8.352432432432431,26.28648648648649,8.548686976883017,1.5042221621621619,527,17,125,9,10,182,87,148,0.153,0.754,0.093,-0.9034,3,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,1,9,3,1,0,7,0,20,5,0,0,2,14,30,12,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,11,0,17,1,22,15,1,17,0,1,0,1,4,8,1,1,7,89,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.1567760275252292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235337171241612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360913298537844,0.0,0.1383718475002926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145321573137786,0.13535869939729284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787113020666053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849041592205546,0.0,0.0,0.15907362929180974,0.14206661550762295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536721332037065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478275657003731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829174274338927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34042596415243953,0.0,0.0,0.14186123801675574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845139946608676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180998516602272,0.0,0.1239069786470618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763508587934768,0.1518708280041304,0.18111428386602824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259135636609054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328954102879507,0.18058286166739912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573040753044272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294118600843538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978574414219945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695869541648453,0.0,0.0,0.11412464601234802,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stpthmdnss,2018/03/27,"Painful days and nights Troubled by depressive thoughts throughout the day. Right from the time I get up in the morning, through work and back home. 
Try to escape the thoughts by sleeping early but nightmares have begun to haunt me then as well. 
I used to go for a run twice a day but now I can't even get out of bed. I don't even feel like meeting friends anymore. 
The negativity piles on everyday. It's becoming tougher everyday. Not sure how much longer I can hold on.",2.8282850241545887,5.207660717391307,3.018405797101451,91.62900966183577,77.69565217391305,6.262801932367151,29.78743961352657,7.3871296695380915,1.6865468599033815,374,18,77,5,9,114,71,92,0.188,0.71,0.102,-0.8252,0,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,7,0,4,2,1,2,1,13,11,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,2,1,6,4,15,9,1,20,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,13,48,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040324711169937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581964564234308,0.0,0.0,0.2272166222371892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980434995309907,0.0,0.17719806748232567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717702345099565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402510107365667,0.14697614092821373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589492862982748,0.0,0.21497465269177105,0.0,0.1169231587257124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636759773073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051105588301633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123788445548753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930670678158811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891507949992656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569538939404447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588220073101013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390150432573952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266590309853487,0.11996492966955626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396796248791638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768779421996655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849792341248548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977652736053246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForeverAdorable,2018/03/27,"There’s nothing wrong, but it all feels pointless. I feel like I do nothing but work and sleep. I work two jobs and for what? Endless cycles of bills and bullshit?

I’m so depressed. I just want everything to pause.",0.91,3.4918457142857164,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,91.85714285714286,3.752380952380953,23.66666666666667,5.46131890053228,0.2706380952380956,168,7,34,1,6,51,33,42,0.21600000000000005,0.642,0.142,-0.7634,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,5,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,20,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348572978614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436343616462863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741381662379889,0.19366368952752805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690107437117398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243878766771933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202281110498532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712814906542473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26481135403399897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989337876302592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947072594242183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963896744703083,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,choosehappiness91,2018/03/27,"How can I Help... My boyfriend and I got into a very heated argument the other day, and he said that he was aware of his feeling of thinking that it would be better if he had killed himself, but he wouldn't want to hurt the children... how do I respond?",4.808589743589742,4.428604730769231,5.466153846153849,86.74551282051284,69.0,7.702564102564103,30.794871794871803,6.42735559955562,1.5000564102564105,194,7,42,1,3,63,41,52,0.111,0.762,0.127,0.2244,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,12,6,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,6,1,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,1,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174576582615216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23148981207678346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149336286498746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870810842482576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059324840633894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38425801625877865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971194292474264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414388658158104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299974444088518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29616719354775606,0.2117150443499635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549842093790722,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dottielane,2018/03/27,"Being busy to distract myself a few facts:

* have been more or less planning a copycat suicide of sorts since about 2016
* i'm heavily involved in activities throughout the year but i still have thoughts of wanting to end my life and self harm in my spare time
* i'm giving myself until i turn 21 or maybe graduate art school
* a big part of it stems from the anxiety that i won't be able to do anything with an art degree. i'm a writer and an illustration major so i feel those career paths are too competitive given my low self-confidence",3.521058700209643,5.483823915094341,4.6995597484276725,82.34659329140463,74.0,7.352620545073376,26.872117400419288,8.167268648758528,1.8310368972746336,429,16,81,7,9,141,80,106,0.13,0.82,0.049,-0.8185,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,8,0,8,1,0,0,1,11,17,7,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,9,0,12,11,5,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,52,12,3,0.23758652269119154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817530395558519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551346449116075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104311396883679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201308845489274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791464168391354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781438724501002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386875958424172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572830514369411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24045024510256666,0.0,0.0,0.4957091177243303,0.0,0.0,0.19653402672153525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897369039242083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25988109397112635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861716034469214,0.13853861200143766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584259120005767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140134686737809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299793103300072
suicidewatch,d0nt_ask,2018/03/27,"Anger keeps me here Every time I think about ending it, I think about some of the people who have hurt me and how they would just have more shit to talk about me if I killed myself. 
I feel like I'm always fucking things up in my relationships when it would be so easy to just play along. I get so sick of faking it for everyone else though and the minute I quit faking it I make people angry with me and then I hate myself more for ducking it all up.
Ugh it's so frustrating. I feel worthless most of the time and that I don't give enough shits about myself to do anything for me. I feel like everything I do in this world is to please others or make people think I'm normal and have my shit together. I don't at all. 
Just needed to vent. Blah word vomit sorry",2.2980336538461543,3.734423543750001,3.370000000000001,92.82269230769232,76.0625,6.1730769230769225,17.93269230769231,6.67199483983844,-0.22152884615384585,597,9,134,5,13,192,90,160,0.262,0.652,0.086,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,14,16,8,0,3,0,11,6,3,3,2,31,27,14,1,5,5,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,13,0,0,0,3,24,3,22,24,7,11,0,2,0,1,5,6,4,4,7,96,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911287779010525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780085638999405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958406909007957,0.0,0.1267890604410671,0.14791297424894506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061066696559493,0.13678666039397133,0.12865464880530858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714393608002813,0.20453382514801133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234054636716389,0.07479034989493437,0.13732322755396464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133171268632908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324582086380933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723894926235893,0.1583750770081664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987243507406946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911084523127161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614445499106416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402573249948125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977280826317197,0.0,0.0,0.157136517961121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225842578789633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536903150505049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408265122414336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602455261654227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150591370874649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510298646441004,0.2751756294495337,0.14064486879102894,0.0,0.16694468771574852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033803476843544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArabianPrincess6,2018/03/27,"He makes me feel terrible I love my fiancé, but going out without him has to be the worst experience in the world. He texts me constantly about every bad thing that our PUPPY does, and then makes me feel like shit about it. Before our puppy he would just ask me constantly about when I’ll be home. He pushes me over the edge. He pushes my PTSD, depression and anxiety. I don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to him about this countless times. I’m running out of options and my faith is hanging by a thread ",2.5225490196078444,4.416210470588236,3.637843137254901,89.16696078431373,76.64705882352942,6.886274509803924,22.117647058823533,7.793537801064563,0.8960117647058832,396,11,83,6,9,128,69,102,0.204,0.7170000000000001,0.08,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,4,0,7,2,1,2,0,15,16,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,5,0,0,0,2,14,3,14,13,1,15,1,1,0,1,12,5,1,1,6,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307166993581104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199281756589304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798499353535807,0.0,0.0,0.18138885856535567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607141789375326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835998599991779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654330440901573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960183887088174,0.0,0.0,0.20851758815047813,0.0,0.0,0.21556661723106765,0.15228607896827678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114734589215342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382322386506405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171506480516958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414230838229648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239094831022646,0.0,0.28458038018248444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491800492088029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881218915234504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713350329594012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161824721517385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242990096059521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054847490568641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142725495717996,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,X-23,2018/03/27,"I just want to swallow all my meds and disappear I have plenty to do it with. I'd die for sure. I have to. No one understands what I'm going through, I can't trust anyone. The only thing I'm worried about is who will find my body.",0.1088235294117652,1.8203151764705905,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,83.50980392156862,5.648627450980393,20.003921568627447,6.742157984588678,0.10377333333333373,178,5,43,2,5,61,40,51,0.246,0.6859999999999999,0.069,-0.852,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,2,8,11,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,7,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086801334931774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508672963825697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32782966944351705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28870516320143114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951974806884302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508672963825697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140459169610296,0.2402381164639348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770962045581145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098541398063412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288383085726284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631199198619347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207876574087379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sadhoe93,2018/03/27,"I'm lonely I feel like my whole life so far has just been a massive waste and it's too late to turn things around. I had selective mutism until I was in my late teens so I have no friends because I was always scared to talk to people. I'm just known around town as that girl who doesn't speak. Everyone thinks I'm weird and even though I am somewhat past it I can never fully be myself around anyone. 

I was raped and I've never told anyone about it which is also one of my biggest regrets. I think about it all the time and I hate it it makes me feel disgusting. It took me a long time but I've tried to move past it and I want to find someone who really loves me But I've never had much luck with that

I've been seeing a guy for 6 months and I feel like it's going nowhere and he couldn't really care less about me or progressing the relationship.. his attitude towards me has changed andI rarely hear from him anymore unless I initiate conversation. I'm too scared to even express my feelings because I don't want to come off as clingy and scare him away cos he's the closest thing I have to a friend. I know that's pathetic. I'm ok with him just using me because I'm lonely.. I'm actually a pathetic joke

I lost my job because they told me they didn't have enough work for me and I can't get a new one. All I do is sit in the house during the week. I've wasted years earning a degree and can't get employed. 

I constantly feel lonely and like a massive failure. I always think if I could go back in time and do things differently maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this right now. I'd have friends who actually cared about me. I've always felt really down since I was at school but now I'm 24 and I'm at the lowest I've ever felt, I wish the world would swallow me up. I know that there are people with bigger problems but I just wish I didn't feel so alone. I just want a friend. I've lost all motivation for things I used to love doing and I just feel like everything I try to do fails anyway.. I think I would be better off dead but I'm scared of these thoughts. I'm scared what that will do to my family if I did kill myself, I don't want to but sometimes I don't think there's any point in me. I know this is everywhere and might not even make much sense but I just felt like I had to get my feelings out somehow.",1.0033074482297941,2.8693733266533066,2.7236936372745504,94.05116503841015,81.26452905811624,5.841700066800268,19.61427020708083,6.9077264865688965,0.10773243152972656,1826,46,422,21,48,603,215,499,0.182,0.68,0.139,-0.975,4,7,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,2,8,32,36,4,5,16,1,45,5,0,6,7,95,106,34,2,15,19,0,12,6,4,5,1,2,0,2,26,23,1,0,24,1,0,5,15,18,0,2,21,15,66,18,46,75,9,51,0,7,1,3,27,24,0,7,27,265,92,7,0.0,0.0,0.12628305256736605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670135712764162,0.0,0.051743565425925835,0.1615161097024904,0.0,0.0,0.04400076872468864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416873349412222,0.09048473274789373,0.0,0.0,0.17280016623355116,0.0,0.0,0.06079130295731685,0.04975318975639344,0.0,0.1577712215457138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722520870062142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193957062353232,0.0,0.06844798799334191,0.0557365512856043,0.0,0.06992176722405563,0.0,0.05166067931080682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760164716442152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685627005926427,0.0,0.12820864973917384,0.05852824615286964,0.0,0.06182720585695638,0.05815155829691429,0.0,0.060996936928543424,0.0,0.2944454407602757,0.18489748745549692,0.1863772404486926,0.0,0.05913805521015528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995982670241574,0.0,0.1014151163369956,0.0,0.07354526434431137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406688511962264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388155737705986,0.0,0.0,0.07292582867348095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746594401039806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642084878329311,0.0,0.07158511261692288,0.0,0.10667846640329158,0.0,0.1459772963901125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045702172078402964,0.18966590335922992,0.0,0.0,0.057260782561772215,0.0,0.0,0.14126357276642915,0.0,0.11679532099303548,0.0,0.08638051099508667,0.0,0.06500361355933036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686404536053269,0.0,0.0,0.05164591586810046,0.06876984630711276,0.0951294021849518,0.0,0.1497105623699295,0.06249128485732555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087689870969976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353410134133976,0.08971486645091767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116595776483962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061912750231236525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435263707898453,0.0,0.0,0.06946761270053528,0.0,0.05525664888755765,0.0,0.0,0.3238987065999723,0.06548364927690925,0.051560511455249765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352361055536454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482327732684136,0.0,0.06399366313124467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200642324289092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194518543872764,0.20729775159595534,0.06357110576734876,0.05136754994926198,0.11318783071827004,0.0,0.0,0.12365441171391275,0.0718882469093328,0.0878591978459207,0.07037909975218627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176653059229456,0.0,0.0,0.1526557924522619,0.0,0.0519014453074914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223942607000154,0.14881223833733573,0.0,0.0,0.047105100552167066,0.0,0.0,0.09192737498907562,0.0,0.0,0.04166709354604365
suicidewatch,Ontariothrow,2018/03/27,"I haven't stepped outside for 3 years. I'm very underweight, feel super weak and always get sick but at this point I'm just used to it All I do is watch videos and lie in bed but no one uploaded anything today so I need to vent. The main reasons people go out is because of school or work. That's how they meet other people. What if you don't have school or work? Or any hobby? I've got no reason to go outside and even if I did I'd just walk aimlessly and come back home.

I can't just walk up to someone and start a conversation. My life is so shit there's no way I'd make anyone like me discussing my life that consists of watching Youtube. 

I have a hard time standing up anyway because all the anxiety and weakness gets me dizzy.

All I ever wanted was good people around me but this is an individualistic society in a hookup culture where friends are supposed to ""come and go"" as if its no big deal. I don't like any of this shit.

I'm probably going to die here slowly and no one will know. Sometimes I wonder if the people I used to know even remember me at this point and if they just assumed that I killed myself a long time ago.",3.242394957983194,4.147612735294118,4.496050420168069,87.76365546218487,72.90756302521008,7.112605042016808,25.764705882352942,7.285733465282438,1.0442033613445378,893,28,195,9,17,295,135,238,0.203,0.732,0.066,-0.9887,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,3,16,10,3,0,8,0,15,7,2,6,4,46,37,24,2,7,15,0,2,2,1,1,5,0,2,0,11,13,0,0,8,1,0,9,9,5,0,2,3,4,21,5,20,33,4,32,0,0,2,0,9,12,2,10,11,121,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030870064463597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676535361378667,0.0,0.0,0.15816688326999587,0.0,0.088964067179442,0.0,0.0,0.08131498935734874,0.0,0.09569948888877908,0.10352570539812153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942238038779993,0.0,0.14178265008120125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003527860211196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989330068669105,0.0,0.0,0.12069409996304965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362127469772738,0.10519396075987562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058801393965421965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984792619936609,0.0,0.12151691385099506,0.0,0.2643686821335189,0.0975413145893544,0.0930103870931074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041759673350481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166516762840791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866132205546452,0.0,0.12782352848276665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428281427397215,0.11363007839181002,0.0,0.0,0.10291592367470086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762669037016437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623001905345798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576067190149681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224925659438232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986954278961512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538386208128147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23913779158010826,0.0,0.0,0.13173765514730945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539008547963836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387468320290391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853494787430546,0.0,0.11501706151806144,0.0,0.08231300646504072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562313362308465,0.0,0.1102324641964652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200880169938542,0.0,0.0959541635712045,0.06859280986759761,0.09230821993369544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611513868678473,0.16932583580694588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488908162414974
suicidewatch,darthjarjars,2018/03/27,Why am i like this Why do i let people make me want to die. I'll be okay for 3 months and it just takes one person to trigger all of my suicidal tendencies and i'm back to square one. ,-0.2557142857142836,1.2608560476190505,2.2716666666666683,97.47750000000002,83.76190476190476,6.104761904761905,17.642857142857142,7.1686216300943375,-0.1522571428571431,142,3,37,2,4,49,34,42,0.182,0.6940000000000001,0.124,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,7,8,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,5,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764775457971472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937609101217942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894375046231737,0.0,0.13828379040818153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188937878652424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259275772456473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836036163600474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623102891560867,0.24714808813367986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096104407830409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128181551722032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695005191376816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108166735534551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MysteriousGap,2018/03/27,"im going to overdose i really fucking hate reddit because I post on here and none of you fucks answer just like in real life

i've had issues with drugs and alcohol for a long time. after struggling with binge drinking for six months, I quit for a week and immediately picked up heroin. I dont even like how it makes me feel but it makes suicide feel close and more acheivable. im so fucking done with trying and im so fucking tired of trying so hard only to have nothing change and im tired of being fucking poor and alone and im tired of no one fucking caring or listening. everytime i get smacked and nod off i just hope i dont wake up. a friend and i did a bunch the other night and we couldn't stop getting sick and i secretly really hoped we'd picked up a bad batch and that i was just gonna doze off and not wake up. theres honestly no hope. fuck all of you and fuck your empty advice and fuck all your attempts to pass me off to fucking professionals when i just wanted someone to fucking love me. i hope you all die inside the same way i have",1.3458041958041953,3.4163712171945733,3.0643788564376813,90.98456499382972,81.17194570135744,5.647141094199919,21.357671740024678,6.7829847944221076,0.4260479638009049,833,25,178,9,22,276,125,221,0.264,0.584,0.152,-0.9871,0,1,3,0,0,1,9.0,2,5,0,2,12,24,12,1,7,0,11,22,2,5,3,49,39,23,2,6,7,0,3,2,1,1,7,1,0,0,4,21,2,1,4,1,1,2,7,14,0,2,4,4,23,10,26,31,7,22,0,0,0,12,11,10,11,5,10,112,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846358954480335,0.0,0.07487476738054208,0.0,0.07256290528206702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058498684590869585,0.042709028884745495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143268433360808,0.0,0.0741161047666306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271309710444895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169755623336928,0.16422383828068007,0.06863390066727898,0.0812494560649988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462751645185011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085071218218066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054129580355361015,0.7124811548705052,0.0732088077162467,0.0,0.03981774101061045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276161992261693,0.069171532108062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27834874198554804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783938855535718,0.0731263266660753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049486728143929966,0.06845732249231197,0.0,0.0,0.062002496841548974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323351862303167,0.0,0.09353360398744934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592266805009756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065748262258332,0.0,0.06722619595601018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747569544641148,0.05328516336024222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709984679106876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451935866287139,0.0,0.07974567788684506,0.0897667786197925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059363143974392116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058574810044452315,0.0,0.07324381551705964,0.0,0.07663624828733903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04085360464084045,0.24157723112200255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513473957618446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413242705823779,0.055611803407395265,0.05619935765422003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IFeelSoLost777,2018/03/27,"We're all going to die anyway. Why delay the inevitable if you have no kids, family? What is the point? Think of how many billions of humans have lived in this world, and how 99% of them are long forgotten within a few decades after their deaths? We're so insignificant. It seem rather pointless and foolish to continue working a crappy job everyday just to keep living a crappy existence where you accumulate stuff and eventually die.",6.0204219409282675,8.002033594936709,6.274113924050635,73.53159282700423,67.48101265822785,9.317299578059073,29.62236286919831,9.725611199111238,3.060897046413502,350,13,57,8,6,112,63,79,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.978,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,2,1,7,0,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,1,13,8,7,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,9,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,5,41,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032414695086264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285565698296476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778768403929995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405903062023451,0.21549719936808345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281686286086114,0.21455713527732512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458022531559637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291898938048966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207137889400283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775427359415017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534964679840788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876986061723575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650362044074916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throataway1266,2018/03/27,"Why it doesn't matter that I wasn't born as someone else Even if I could've been born a different guy with better appearance, intellect, and personality, life would still have its problems and mysteries. I would still be competing against others. I would still get sick, tired, bleed, and have my feelings hurt at various points in my life. I would still die from something and be constantly burdened by my body's needs and desires. I would still be thrown into the world like the rest, not truly knowing why I exist or whether I have a purpose. If I'm lucky, I won't wind up in an existential funk or a severe depression. I would hope to stay ignorant in bliss and never question whether I should live.

I don't want to be the guy I am. Even if God himself were to offer me a new life and body here, I would not accept it. Even if that life and body were ideal. If I had a choice (WHICH I DIDN'T), I would run from humanity due to the mess that comes with it. Life is like a shake. Even if parts of it are sweet, the shit ruins the whole thing.",4.371714285714287,5.074131695238098,4.925714285714289,86.46428571428574,70.14285714285714,8.285714285714286,26.904761904761905,8.418075326091056,1.5577619047619056,816,25,175,12,14,261,121,210,0.182,0.674,0.14400000000000002,-0.669,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,10,17,1,1,13,0,28,12,4,0,1,48,37,19,1,21,12,0,1,2,0,10,8,0,0,4,11,12,0,1,4,0,0,4,8,9,0,0,6,2,22,8,18,17,4,24,0,3,0,0,7,8,1,12,13,127,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326502812642153,0.0,0.31372698838651925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109897046850231,0.0,0.10173904205432577,0.0,0.07516840940411741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108833950238536,0.0,0.09770932007498054,0.09836317211153936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864741422148623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487317988926073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760335613407286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049187719340157116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643989642276887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350882924181626,0.0,0.0,0.10078589600516888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174051615389525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33249268372746504,0.09199055880220804,0.0,0.08313318379670448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980852033649901,0.07261167161352322,0.09092738514110353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195160695604023,0.0,0.0,0.08220519074291098,0.0,0.0,0.08899897980823926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008559350753474,0.0,0.0,0.10546575260820787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063588745021312,0.09664014493978898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977011936266619,0.07247866198861372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034776245638027,0.3759280322955509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254682607039122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820768169004803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555301113828036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990534865642232,0.10511133083014704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350324193030238,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kkbow38,2018/03/27,"I lost the last person I could be real with.. ... and now I just can’t. There’s is to much to say, bc I don’t have much to live for now. I hate being fake, but I can’t be real with anyone. It’s pointless. Everything is. I’m done.",-2.625606469002694,-0.9595991132075437,0.9439892183288447,101.7801886792453,96.73584905660377,3.783288409703504,11.345013477088948,5.288315135182226,-1.5926420485175203,169,2,46,1,7,61,35,53,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,0,8,14,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,6,8,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858226634272462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391685783795035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613638213610217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953788460552774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25215553933685464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818584319928893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552369747177606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27880028166283705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754981359197899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300623795487096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5814043380136973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310506798485345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,navybball8,2018/03/27,"Redditors, I need your immediate input Ive been off/on suicidal for years. I just couldnt bring myself  to do it because I always had hope. That hope is gone now. I guess id like to know if any of you have similar situations pushing you to the brink. Ill start.....

Cons:
Massive amounts of debt... currently 4 months behind on car note, student loans etc

Child support has been kicking my ass. I see my child very infrequently. Id like to more but I live an hour away and his mother uncooperative. 

Make decent money, but between student loans, child support, medical payments, rent. Im behind every month. I dont have car insurance because I cant afford it.

Unsupportive family

No friends

Had gf. We broke up. Shes dating... im not

Legal trouble. Judge threatening six months jail for driving on suspended license from 2008. Had an attorney who basically did jack shit. Have a warrant in another county for open container and throwing a cigarette out the window. 

Just got over kidney cancer. 

Military- PTSD

Pros:
Tall, handsome,  decent amount of trade skills and certifications for decent career. Love working out and fitness. Associates degree. Honorable discharge from military. 

",3.22868965517241,6.376667990476192,4.54080459770115,75.40500000000002,85.76190476190476,7.467980295566503,28.66995073891625,8.326086129247049,3.05304433497537,938,45,146,24,29,308,152,210,0.145,0.6990000000000001,0.156,0.1611,4,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,3,0,3,4,13,1,0,6,0,17,7,3,1,0,22,31,7,1,5,6,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,3,4,8,0,1,1,0,6,7,5,3,0,1,8,1,18,10,24,22,4,28,0,1,1,2,14,12,2,4,11,82,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250715129563245,0.0,0.0,0.1022172226493382,0.15761509644073413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122294518106515,0.0,0.0,0.18325743558370536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761643863774422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763746268089472,0.0,0.0,0.12664422920450552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417006489583026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613057407503595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202181297328606,0.0,0.16558546566508914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29858719564823216,0.1480269090574586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32472521580498537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260747003810719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686956943837998,0.0,0.1327281306825872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566232677711604,0.0,0.10033433711345756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142339043039166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599324898787417,0.0,0.0,0.11145434334187244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570652652324184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977909550425275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429296943708484,0.0,0.16895683413953516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639151173524547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441678376477994,0.3411442463712958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240230306004826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942882796405956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679591292588004
suicidewatch,hiimnaoto,2018/03/27,"yeah fuck this i cant get legion today and im so fucking frustrated , im gonna Kill myself literally the only thing i want in life is to be level 100 in legion killin nooberinos but im here stuck waiting for like tomorrow. i dont have fucking time for that. so tomorrow im dead. i just wanted legion.",-0.3591319444444423,1.9041806562499983,2.8552083333333336,87.25784722222225,94.0,5.344444444444445,19.61111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.692102777777778,238,8,48,4,9,85,46,64,0.244,0.667,0.08900000000000001,-0.9087,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,5,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,0,6,14,4,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,11,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,5,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213269387586932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783351685585841,0.09010807245799443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7451856074865492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081168806724466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182014225899555,0.08425977102818731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311706476524198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458091595166005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056821527309637,0.0,0.16348069674017693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345368182163756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thebeigecurtains,2018/03/27,"I don’t want to die, I just want it to stop I have severe anxiety and some OCD traits, I constantly obsess and worry over every little thing in my life and I just can’t seem to find a moment of peace. I always think about how peaceful and silent my mind would be if I did it. ",2.8689999999999998,3.1981792333333345,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,73.33333333333334,7.333333333333332,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.20150000000000026,214,3,50,2,4,72,44,60,0.237,0.619,0.14400000000000002,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,17,10,6,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,7,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101232474214916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031941657994813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870346311473164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756656449782707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379145218655466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427666024175752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761119213592287,0.0,0.2662152468195509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681946632589411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418052273917695,0.0,0.3000684859570576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220653972033282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646229793439225,0.17019487930374375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31333231995287353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26974415290341563,0.0,0.18868473452464812,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peaserist,2018/03/27,"sorry i really hope i dont mean this

im tired",-4.299999999999997,-3.0924643333333286,1.5,94.995,109.0,5.7333333333333325,6.0,7.1686216300943375,-0.9842999999999992,36,0,10,1,2,15,10,12,0.339,0.403,0.258,-0.0018,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42241428996894176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35798239598022424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38931981171092894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926074409183407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230896868873998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034652038438434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.414254412860794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eliza189,2018/03/28,"I just want him to like me like I like him [17F] It's been three years since I met the boy who derailed my life entirely. From the moment we met I had strong feelings for him and he's come in and out of my life. We dated for three months at one point two years ago and it was simultaneously the best and worst three months. I've grown to love him so much despite him coming in and out of my life as he pleases. I'm absolutely nothing that he wants, but I can't let go of him. We recently became friends again after a long period of no contact, and it was difficult for us to remain friends without hooking up, but all seemed well after we did. Now I'm getting mixed messages and left on read by him and I can't do this anymore. I can't keep going back and forth with him anymore. And I don't know who I even am without him.

I'm done. All I want to do is hold him, and ask him how his days were, and surprise him with his favorite foods, and spend time doing nothing with him and listening to him talk, and whenever I'm in the same room with him it feels like I'm suffocating not being able to be by his side. I love almost everything I've learned about him.

I don't think he'll think much about me after I'm gone. He'll probably wonder about me for a few days, maybe a week, but I don't even think he'll come to my funeral. That's okay though, just because I love him doesn't mean he has to love me the same.

I think I'm going to overdose tonight. I'm not going to text him saying goodbye because I refuse to put him in that position but I hope maybe he reads this. I hope if he reads this and cares, he'll know that this isn't his fault, and maybe feel some comfort knowing that I died loving him and if there's an afterlife I will most likely continue to love him.",3.0331844936066545,3.6099738416886566,4.230092348284963,90.69799827481228,73.11609498680737,7.413882687233611,25.13101278668561,7.468242284971852,0.9014963669575806,1382,40,324,15,26,454,175,379,0.052000000000000005,0.7340000000000001,0.214,0.9965,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,5,0,0,2,15,25,0,0,9,1,25,10,0,1,2,73,76,28,2,7,12,0,3,5,2,5,3,2,1,1,15,31,1,3,14,3,1,10,13,3,1,5,10,5,58,22,45,58,11,45,0,0,0,6,60,13,0,9,27,207,73,4,0.08311520356686465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367661307760717,0.0,0.08322787040593432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485589643380025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770149560726926,0.0,0.0,0.06391046114758138,0.0,0.10133251329386443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722427834286171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847414893743597,0.0,0.0,0.21478916504932494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720486070278737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626045910407427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505571023122059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979361615552033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469858566663404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607663276754286,0.05937751803537104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050323406961688,0.0,0.12842920019916554,0.0,0.043424263410167335,0.0,0.18894514231066808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651043019129342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387661184315203,0.0,0.0,0.13703382668997652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030491186720192,0.08499092687444759,0.1761201788635982,0.2030294507583694,0.0,0.0,0.07355433967374893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500882975197879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25050118027671514,0.09053682274117617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326835250435512,0.0,0.12219847595907632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950255890368584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056321012975282726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123553448922124,0.07857073257864937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896122470832002,0.0,0.0,0.0835537361579639,0.0,0.0,0.2494130871640367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206623642940819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609654587636964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566495973853855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875375527932516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680485227909112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130274656032772,0.08166026550550641,0.0,0.048465143594600316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811914767733977,0.0,0.09997735618584264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707050151321932,0.0,0.06667000286954464,0.0,0.07473054974128295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602401805310032,0.09013489281105344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704693211614087
suicidewatch,crowbordeaux,2018/03/28,"my adhd is ruining my life and i can’t live like this anymore everyday i’m fighting with my own goddamn brain!
if i can’t even be at peace with my own mind, let alone my body, relationships, and other concerns, how will i get any better? there is no cure for being me, and treatment is out of my reach.

i’m trying! I really am trying! but it doesn’ t matter. no matter how hard i work, no matter my actual mental capacities if i wasn’t afflicted with this, it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t show. i’m trapped in my own personal prison, i’m in a hell of my own making

i could be writing my research pape r and studying for exams right instead of writing this stupid fucking pseudo- journal entry but i can’t focus, i can't switch off! i’m outside myself pulling on the lever to switch the tracks but the train keeps barreling down and it’s going to flatten me. i am the train and the accident simultaneously and i can’t do this! i can't exist this way!

this is the closest i’ve ever been to killing myself. im always numbed,restless, and or sad in some way, but i'm used to it, it's manageable. but for the past two weeks, I would get home from school and just cry. i eat nothing or i binge. i sleep sixteen plus hours or i don’t sleep for days. normally i can control myself but now im overflowing and i can;t stem it. 

i don’t have any friends. people have me but i don’t have them. i don’t talk as much as i should  and i never know if they really like me or i’m just entertainment to them. im too scared to be anything else but the jester.

this is the only outlet i have. i don’t really have people i can trust to talk about my fucked up brain, hell, even my general feelings, im too scared. sure i can allude to it and say “yeah i’m fine though i swear!” but i’m not! I never have been!nobody notices! i’m seventeen and i have been coping through alcohol to slow myself down ever since I was fourteen, and that’s only an approximation, it might be earlier it may be later: i can’t truly remember anything. 

i’m even writing this with my fourthglass of wine on my desk. 

it’s all so pathetic, especially when compounded with the fact that ive lived the cushiest fucking life imaginable and ive still fucked it up, ive started with all the resources a normal healthy person would live comfortably and succeed with but i fucked it up! im worse than fucking useless, i am a living negative
 ‘

 i don’t even know why i am truly writing this, or rather why i ahve rewritten this three times. it’s not like talking would actually help. the only thing that would help is to no thave adhd and that is not possible. its who i am. and if it is who i am i don’t want to be me.

i guess i just wanted an audience for what might not be my swan song but the prelude .",1.0681872674658948,3.1715832456446016,3.190648437961378,89.51530650209652,82.397212543554,6.121490580523242,22.44658359416524,7.336307375243711,0.8536436898364146,2149,73,461,32,59,729,249,574,0.189,0.7020000000000001,0.108,-0.9963,0,2,2,0,3,1,63.0,0,0,3,4,22,27,11,2,19,1,67,16,5,5,8,99,97,46,1,15,28,0,2,3,1,9,3,2,1,2,35,27,3,2,5,4,0,2,28,16,0,2,4,4,73,11,47,74,8,36,2,3,0,6,20,16,8,14,19,318,108,7,0.0,0.0,0.1361296533507532,0.0,0.1676491526718938,0.0,0.0,0.07454032013405447,0.0,0.07223878455731887,0.0,0.0,0.0580366395895526,0.0,0.0,0.09486323416933948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917212776316026,0.0,0.0,0.11479473878037162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168719923193557,0.0,0.07747526051253563,0.0,0.15572559180891846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822927817127495,0.05568878977401205,0.0,0.07661584835436422,0.04498224498959806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137049734583231,0.05826622315903476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427385877189406,0.12618367545031353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526711970231741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053887796778106296,0.3868901869433431,0.07288180190352876,0.0,0.03963988491424792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683623364681676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248127913889814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350238220477232,0.0,0.06996379428361528,0.0,0.06868857797797019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37670369274845816,0.0,0.0,0.061995992180673615,0.07716678024090304,0.0,0.07666429953047052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132293572319362,0.09853136610061962,0.10222731060043123,0.0,0.24635808752102664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655790614401418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029044650563625,0.14798503782044745,0.0704264661690705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512734380410772,0.0,0.10758924254697877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667814885410953,0.06692591300467818,0.07940954022996081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914145476063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658317981196453,0.09671015565495268,0.12180402969558572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863136051072835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404871860999598,0.0,0.0,0.07488417363829243,0.07901186247582583,0.059565145959508986,0.0,0.055467093564345496,0.13966155474960645,0.07058957076962181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769697835816625,0.0,0.13959846504000792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936860261794623,0.0,0.05570153027481307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573747579128301,0.0,0.0,0.16818447663729036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633804380959696,0.0,0.06852790152991274,0.0,0.04067112159536023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470979599626167,0.0,0.06813450202437094,0.0,0.0,0.060240621193525024,0.0,0.0,0.08227937037483818,0.11072679820562886,0.05594832888873085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258749961295502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077800131413646,0.0,0.0710800478926325,0.1981903578713686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smiletitas,2018/03/28,"I need help Sorry for my bad english, its not my native language. I've been diagnosed with depression 4 years ago. Ever since I've been trying to get myself out of this hole I'm in. But i seem to fall down there again and again. Recently a girl i thought was going to be the one left me. And I promised myself that if this ended badly it would be my last try at happiness. I'm trying to pull myself out again, but its getting very bad. I feel like I'm being crushed by a snake. I've resulted to self harm again in way more forms than I'd like. And I've started writing my suicide letters. Really need some help... Please, someone :')",1.3955384615384645,3.4934425538461547,3.0146153846153863,91.26038461538462,81.15384615384616,5.8461538461538485,22.30769230769231,7.010146845296331,0.6703846153846151,492,16,104,6,13,162,86,130,0.184,0.6759999999999999,0.139,-0.8252,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,1,20,19,6,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,0,1,4,1,13,4,16,11,3,22,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,3,13,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598020101572684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125064861481483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183992257097655,0.16714824175936924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585891653032693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489638322687893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326790744034032,0.11764848649445984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207855890169207,0.0,0.0935922835730882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530650407359152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207650574414985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342373908250366,0.0,0.0,0.17892691637705468,0.0,0.0,0.1609101113407585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442184703765499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159243689555542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077081869228548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054991768341085,0.0,0.16260310009025533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991983983905288,0.17179870558262214,0.0,0.0,0.13622622698046458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953408866567418,0.0,0.0,0.1843474408912813,0.11656240339298155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013481678367735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307387047736667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354237570268046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587947278019935,0.0,0.13071649828474222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698500270293292,0.0,0.0,0.10604947768140964
suicidewatch,cooopjc,2018/03/28,"Ready to Do It I'm 13 and I've had severe depression (diagnosed) since 4th grade and I'm currently in 8th grade. My depression has been increasing rapidly since then. I survived a stab to my chest in 4th grade, but am ready to do it again. This time I have a gun. I don't want to leave my family behind because I will miss them, but I want to do it. You could say part of me wants to do it, part of me doesn't. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to my parents, guidance counselor, or my doctor. I take medicine for depression, OCD, anxiety, but I don't know what to do anymore. I also have aspergers which makes school even harder. I like programming and math, but nobody I know is into that and I just don't want to continue living.",1.0533333333333346,2.906871955414015,3.0728917197452255,91.67375371549896,81.03821656050955,6.989214437367304,21.93163481953291,8.021203637495839,0.9892941825902332,575,18,131,11,15,194,84,157,0.171,0.753,0.075,-0.8936,2,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,21,3,1,1,0,21,34,11,0,6,6,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,1,22,1,18,30,3,9,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,88,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575001468163532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202931855686581,0.0,0.15594633096050195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585604153097488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554858035627867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063086869341732,0.15960194516373688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609485140178994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038598677555618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823805918978913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592557858354854,0.0,0.0,0.16650139906765302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682272483449258,0.0,0.13885159056727525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496329772046196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460369247920005,0.34056539495356225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504877340218692,0.0,0.15914191050028628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177643850759768,0.0,0.2601519534940626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822984115722655,0.12638882598252765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169173182818824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637404666670477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whogotthekeys2mybima,2018/03/28,"Thoughts. I’m writing this for selfish reasons, but also because it might help someone else. Right now I’m underground waiting for my train in NYC. I just jolted into a bathroom to search google for how to easily kill yourself, after a panic attack where my body was tingling and I felt the temperature of my forehead rising, while I contemplated punching the computer screen in front of me. I felt the impulse to fight, scream, cry, and panic alternate in my head like numbers on a price is right wheel. 

- [x] I’m a recovering addict with 5 years clean. With the help of my strong family and an absurd amount of time I somehow unhinged the snake’s grip from me. I spent a few years hiding out, got a shitty job and saved every single penny. I saved up about 10,000. I started investing in the stock market and made a few thousand dollars. It was exciting and I instantly latched on to it. But then the company I worked for changed management and stopped paying the employees and I went without being paid for weeks. It got so bad I had to go to the labor department. The day I went in to the labor department to file a formal complaint against the company, I received an email that the City of New York was calling me in for a job interview for a position that I took a test for years before and they hired me. 
- [ ] Like I said I’m a recovering addict, so my brain chemistry has been altered in a strange way and it affects the way I process things. I get jolts throughout my body periodically throughout the day, sometimes connected to an emotion, sometimes not. I feel cagey a lot of the time like I could lash out at random strangers at any moment. It doesn’t help that I live in NYC, the most congested in the world, devoid of sunlight, room to breathe, or any redeeming quality whatsoever except for the name. To me, it feels like a pressure cooker. A city like New York can suck the life out of you. The people knocking into you, trying to run you over, the perpetual ambulances, fire trucks and police sirens violating your ear drums at every waking moment, the constant pollution, terrible weather, concrete, low wages, sky high taxes and prices of anything. I feel like a pimple that’s constantly being squeezed by a malevolent bureaucracy as I watch a sea full of strangers and I push a boulder up a never ending hill like Sisyphus. 

...I lost a lot of money today in the stock market. And I hate my job with the city. It pays less than my shitty fly by night job did. And it requires a lot more work. All while I give  1/3 of my check to live in a place that makes me want to rip my brain stem out. Criminal. Also, I have absurd student loans from when I graduated from around the time of the economic depression looming over me that I’ll never be able to pay off with this salary. I want to repeatedly bash my head into a wall. I’m under water constantly. On top of that, I have Robin Williams syndrome and I constantly have to make people laugh because I’m an extrovert to a fault that wants everyone to be happy so I can’t even show it. But I don’t want to participate in this pointless rat race to make fat cats fatter or this life of just constant constant struggle 24 goddamn 7.  The only viable option my brain gives me is to retreat into the woods and go off the grid. Buy my own septic tank, get solar panels and grow my own food like the lunatic I am. I’m like a prisoner to my own brain and body and I can’t take it anymore. 

Life is a lot like the stock market. You’re up. Then you’re down. But then you’re up again. Right now I’m down. And then you’ll be up again. That’s just how it works. But this roller coaster makes me want to vomit. 

If you read this far, thanks. Hope you got something from it. ",4.445289382300327,5.6219396593707245,5.2437995896032845,82.50542999579082,70.32694938440493,8.085457224034519,28.96877301904661,8.44344225975766,2.0507949910554566,2925,109,570,45,52,951,348,731,0.151,0.732,0.117,-0.9874,7,0,1,0,1,1,85.0,0,7,1,7,21,36,6,4,64,0,27,24,14,9,3,89,74,44,1,8,14,0,8,10,0,2,9,3,2,0,29,34,3,3,7,4,15,13,8,18,0,1,20,13,69,18,104,46,16,108,0,3,2,0,21,53,1,13,50,364,98,29,0.060381120145881165,0.0,0.0,0.1316486670941738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657351993112663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212246451207085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988184629373058,0.0,0.0,0.04968851707519825,0.053751998470700835,0.0,0.06869224106746791,0.0,0.0,0.05041571320073735,0.07361554080726823,0.0,0.05137988596450626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012094375987619,0.0,0.2696211972727048,0.06165587468289267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387521886352737,0.0,0.0,0.3915032405506743,0.0,0.04820941118002282,0.0,0.06632582520127761,0.07788165457731124,0.0,0.05200617030432538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044067794577437,0.06792063308753025,0.05347975038328687,0.0,0.0,0.039881160388447766,0.0,0.10174739587852524,0.05769674787544667,0.0,0.0,0.05692194629145969,0.0,0.09159152578626496,0.08627256859387156,0.11595068872828927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730130901565459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309328627478726,0.11584614486242532,0.06863196412472815,0.0,0.14487689310288104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427682517765733,0.0,0.059613855402142625,0.1239368984465158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214165761631912,0.06379596858766128,0.0,0.05997207648289458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396757791404213,0.0,0.06680276323419444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794691252271165,0.2949916533509085,0.0,0.10663527064443128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659131253702972,0.20533547639495303,0.0,0.05713407583644028,0.16121946625783068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640548265254858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313928446897232,0.11663292419093395,0.0,0.056663590927654675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592256274842292,0.0,0.1416884693041588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372133203421434,0.0,0.06308541908613015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060397460134520665,0.0,0.0,0.062081847971325176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546954400632414,0.057436272396116414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051160727155464124,0.04648433624292673,0.1194369435310416,0.0,0.04273806761917452,0.0,0.0,0.05048132012954172,0.0,0.06312345692320298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539908782658311,0.0,0.0,0.05559082297099142,0.0,0.0,0.04011453321862752,0.0,0.0,0.0479358647592599,0.10562615018750666,0.0,0.05723424171923097,0.0,0.06708564619161034,0.04099481705823136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807174541459733,0.0958554453240006,0.04843409244800427,0.0,0.0,0.111947806615577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058205245115332274,0.0,0.13187452380561482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665038510348162
suicidewatch,Wardie1993,2018/03/28,"Why can't I just die? I'm fucking worthless, that's it.",-3.684102564102563,-3.179899923076924,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,125.15384615384615,1.7333333333333334,19.71794871794872,3.1291,-0.9220051282051284,43,2,11,0,3,15,12,13,0.239,0.525,0.236,-0.0121,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262966049183337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5578894013634165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445291346788869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uhurukoi,2018/03/28,"To all the women reading this (rant, possibly sexist?) It's my time to go now. I've decided to hang myself from my doorframe. It's all ready. I just wanted to say some things that I couldn't when I was alive... So to all the ladies reading this;

I love you.

I've never, ever had a woman in my life who I could go to and tell them that I love them. I know that I can never ever be loved, but I do love a lot of women. And it's with this pain, and because of it, that I have decided to depart.

 I guess I was just never meant to be loved.",0.4706722689075633,1.625306529411766,3.0325126050420184,94.51616386554623,80.34453781512605,5.7684033613445385,17.78235294117647,6.2581,-0.3824628571428571,403,7,100,3,10,141,64,119,0.098,0.777,0.125,0.4846,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,2,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,10,7,0,0,8,25,21,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,13,4,0,0,4,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,4,1,19,5,13,13,5,13,0,0,0,5,14,1,0,3,8,78,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930047854147272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181411404711673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27601520332126017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734172166913261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807220566987602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384805778904833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776415788622708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970890188894652,0.6884984257572004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530123831486983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623444157358756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199888084843445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30522103120112004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132917394556796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335223020829678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013602158755599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896434389302106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998928372513106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_dirtier_burger,2018/03/28,In a hole I can’t get myself out of for once I’m not too sure where to begin. The thought has always crossed my mind that I would be better off dead. I’ve had a few moments where I just wanted to give up but pulled through... but I’m not sure I can do it this time. My car broke down on the side of the road yesterday a week before I got enough money to get the issue fixed. After hours of trying to get it home with a truck chain etc to no avail I had to leave it for the night. Finally today I get everything situated to get it home to find it gone. Apparently a tow company/police officer decided it wasn’t in a safe spot so it was towed. A 350$ repair job turned into over 1000$ including tow fees plus storage until Tuesday. I could pay to get the car and then not be able to pay rent which will most likely lead to me losing my home. If I pay rent I won’t have enough money for my vehicle and I will be forced to leave it at the tow company which will make me lose my job that starts in a few weeks. All of this has made me realize that I have no one. No one to even talk to about what’s going through my head. I’m in a position I see only one way out of. I’m sorry for the rambling and the unnecessary posting. I’m completely lost right now and trying so hard to hang in there but it’s just not working. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I don’t know what to do I only see one way out of this situation and I feel that ending it all would be so much better. I feel if I can’t even keep my life in order why do I deserve to live,2.8395307917888566,2.912925137829916,4.677287390029328,89.135931085044,73.28152492668622,8.076832844574781,23.41788856304985,8.00094639256281,0.8609401759530795,1196,27,291,16,22,411,169,341,0.142,0.8290000000000001,0.029,-0.9843,8,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,7,13,11,0,0,19,0,26,2,1,3,4,44,57,16,1,6,11,0,3,1,0,6,1,0,5,0,22,11,0,2,7,1,8,8,12,4,0,4,9,5,30,7,52,37,9,51,0,4,2,0,2,21,0,3,19,192,52,8,0.09622222221165394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080064597081604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187802400057667,0.0,0.0,0.17020147226052126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088716928453166,0.0,0.0,0.07682561476252411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522432861086032,0.1988465547319221,0.10731321296173353,0.12710774055481314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647832887912964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730569340899736,0.0,0.0,0.10540674112780248,0.08794536788891706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016328380789505,0.09230512340930896,0.05468530632486398,0.0,0.07695770116994306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619621113107374,0.0,0.09875176010093707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28955620307621616,0.0,0.09475950638783212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043100067080094,0.19097141642522245,0.08552673224576972,0.0,0.0,0.05288121689901793,0.0,0.0,0.20377087986010187,0.0,0.0,0.06796460117727278,0.047009317400433404,0.0,0.08496598508572259,0.0,0.0,0.21529610792722212,0.10503792213066417,0.0,0.0,0.09104779321266793,0.06422908050407966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715701456158883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073440479635253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029803727354284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247352630180052,0.2608106720852026,0.14636267186271448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215429059984186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624826131152504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217325201946249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335330633916378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163156186379408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077128999365843,0.06810658413446842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181376611382518,0.0,0.07234713609985685,0.07733977738073068,0.0,0.08858849434922805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638969630953317,0.11221590314045758,0.0,0.09120741568751813,0.0,0.0,0.1306571453783246,0.10466214685960692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056754359692246514,0.15275344243166042,0.15436732524643515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682558913675545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005092377121959,0.0,0.0,0.13670701181746656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TigerLilly00,2018/03/28,"I'm frozen. If something doesn't change, I'm going to kill myself. It's been weeks I've been contemplating suicide. But I've just kept quiet about it. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to talk about it. It took me days to make a post about it on reddit, and that got kinda buried and ignored... haha. Maybe it was too nihilistic.

I'm a 28-year-old undergrad student. I've battled with depression and mental illness for as long as I remember being alive. I've been in and out of medication for the past handful of years, and nothing has truly helped, or I guess I just didn't do it right. I've also seen a handful of counselors and psychologists, and I'm currently also seeing a psychiatrist. I have a cocktail of diagnoses under my belt nowadays... major depression, generalized anxiety, borderline personality disorder, PSTD, and ADHD.
The multitude of questions that come to my mind when I write all that shit down is overwhelming. What constitutes a mental illness anyway? What if these are misdiagnoses? What if I'm somehow just making it all up?

Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked.

My boyfriend of almost three years moved across the country from me over half a year ago. We get to see each other once in a blue moon, and every time it happens, afterwards I get thrown into a downward spiral of depression. I've been doing badly in school, well, even before he left.

He came to visit a couple weeks ago and I was not in a good place. I told him maybe I needed a break, I needed a change, maybe we should break up. I just dropped two classes which pushes my graduation date ever farther out and now it looks like I won't be done until 2019. That's another full year apart. After he left he messaged me saying he agrees, he needs a change too and that we should break up.

We've only spoken twice since then. And I'm still so confused.

I am constantly bombarded by the need to message him and talk to him, but at the same time frozen in place and unable to actually act on anything. I ask myself if I'm being selfish, if I want to reach out just because he understands me and could possibly help me feel better.

Well, this is not the only thing either. I just can't feel happy for anything. It's not like my life is a total disaster - right now, anyway. I'm sure doing enough to make sure it becomes a disaster soon.
I recently got accepted for an internship in the same city my (ex?) boyfriend lives, over the summer. They pay extremely well. I'm also due to get my citizenship this coming month, something I've been waiting for and fighting for for over a decade now.

But it does nothing for me. It doesn't make me happy. And I still want to kill myself.

I'm currently taking Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and Adderall. The adderall helps me feel slightly better during the day when I take it, but I'm still frozen. I can't do anything - not study, not read, not anything productive at all.

These mental illnesses aren't going to go away. Even if I feel better for a while, it's only a matter of time before they come back. I don't want to live like this...

What's the point of life if I can't enjoy anything anymore? Nothing brings me happiness. It's always just a constant struggle to suffer a little bit less than before.

I feel selfish, I feel guilty. I know there are a lot of people out there who have it so much worse than me. But I just don't want this anymore.

I've been browsing the internet for ways to kill myself painlessly and peacefully for the past few nights. I've come up with plans in my head for how I can set things up so my death causes the least amount of disturbances and annoyances to those around me. I've even looked up how to write a will and what are the important things I need to set up before I go.

But I still feel scared. I know it's just human nature. That pesky survival instinct getting in the way. I wish there was a way to get to a mental state so strong, that that survival instinct doesn't kick in. Or just somehow put myself to sleep and pass peacefully without feeling a thing.

I'm tired of feeling like this. I guess I just wanted to say that.",3.4323880597014957,5.262159157372989,4.475244594869518,84.43037008267216,73.90706319702602,7.246658898814478,25.67550722225305,8.01456126696802,1.553223617969632,3228,110,624,49,67,1051,339,807,0.157,0.7440000000000001,0.099,-0.995,2,0,2,0,2,4,107.0,3,0,2,7,53,41,7,5,43,1,46,13,5,7,7,137,120,54,5,22,34,1,11,5,0,5,8,3,0,2,50,40,1,3,16,2,1,17,19,20,3,4,18,20,69,21,96,92,18,117,0,5,6,0,35,45,1,18,49,417,119,7,0.0,0.0,0.049814613949509985,0.0,0.061348704075478676,0.0,0.09050036279009356,0.0,0.05111630510247508,0.0,0.0,0.12246706190549307,0.04247528330409011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352734380577535,0.03905089803539479,0.0,0.10125002909423617,0.0,0.0,0.21003710268198575,0.04544274889534924,0.04772215529494797,0.0,0.047960438502878164,0.03925207524025167,0.04262220309092035,0.031117843344219825,0.05637752041687971,0.17374931705502367,0.0,0.0,0.13544105665711126,0.05573022104713285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838429265279552,0.0,0.05243944167366213,0.16200321554739594,0.17589025470782405,0.0,0.11032757824968634,0.0,0.04075696214049723,0.05648265426932824,0.0,0.06584232350803118,0.0,0.13190039842535808,0.05181174026921469,0.0,0.0,0.05850440848799154,0.0,0.0446716683684512,0.05223891484524612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527453085017851,0.0,0.13486453406380675,0.04617503185064013,0.04300939028512394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229856520679096,0.03646806428327558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002004279321966,0.0,0.11604499183838342,0.04281589242749295,0.08165407130677718,0.0,0.11246828952361684,0.0,0.04514078917764925,0.1630217876232459,0.0,0.0,0.05238906008344348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264740175799092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942818582763952,0.0,0.05610831131671076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092566479814388,0.0,0.07211216429933037,0.12469519283786418,0.051162612952562816,0.0901510634981106,0.04517508438022408,0.08573342865646638,0.0,0.0,0.0433984259125217,0.0,0.0,0.13629736438897666,0.0,0.15385104409257694,0.0,0.0,0.05142459106289637,0.2057739145486529,0.0,0.0515430273667271,0.0,0.04074531473122051,0.054254997412712766,0.03752549806762949,0.1892539194984598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790425300070945,0.0,0.146943231139643,0.0,0.05356535298673398,0.054363504214001435,0.0,0.11647087812437346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746048171643178,0.035389637381470884,0.04457236588376784,0.10666672644930617,0.0,0.04825601711333531,0.05754794450367276,0.04888901891214405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131644302648957,0.057184443840796816,0.0,0.0510609222521453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040286095844136,0.0,0.05782642252858217,0.08718790293761483,0.0,0.08118941861079625,0.051107060527907415,0.05166239875289993,0.08135587225569793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523991229798112,0.04222669539251247,0.0,0.05108397379073826,0.0,0.0,0.07859711562559728,0.0,0.05714305831887751,0.0,0.0,0.16306514613020007,0.0,0.0,0.05336552098488157,0.0,0.055837251067675765,0.0,0.09622259068332237,0.0,0.0767621449202807,0.08205946384951154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565372168269213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892979378686667,0.058671141519600775,0.0,0.048777699441469945,0.05671521545434815,0.0,0.0,0.049865607256647966,0.05314183988803378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054453494678774,0.12155645527723324,0.08189382213532019,0.0,0.13769244229438093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587016551550522,0.04920759066493198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202136431157787,0.036262401037778114,0.0,0.0,0.16436332011273114
suicidewatch,nomoresuicidal,2018/03/28,"I'm addicted to someone and I don't think i can live without him The backstory stretched really long and it's not that necessary to know so i'll mark the spot when real important stuff begins



Three years ago when i was 13 and got into 7th grade. I didn't have any friends in my class. The only one i knew was my ""Friend"" who was quite mentally abusive. He would act as if he was my friend but then he would start doing stuff like pressuring me and doing constant little bullying and if i said anything he would just play it off as if it was just friendly teasing. This kept going for about half a year. I had never had many friends and had always been really unconfident. But now i didn't have anyone to talk to. I knew i should have cut ties with him but i felt i couldn't make any new friends if i lost him since i was socially awkward and introverted. I was really desperate and i would cry every evening. I always had loving parents but they cant replace social interaction.
     Then i grew the balls to get rid of him. And i felt crushed. I lost all positive social interaction for a month. I had no friends I was socially awkward, I wasn't into sports and my only intrest was League of Legends.
       I decided that i would end it. I knew that the house would be empty in about two months. I had decided the method and written the suicide notes. I realized i had two months left and no reason to live. I decided that i would start hunting for a reason to live. Another disappointment. I got myself a GF but realized i didn't really love her but rather the idea of love. I explained the situation to her apart from the suicide part. 
12 into doomday and i was standing in line to get dinner in school. Before me was my childhood friend with his 2 friends. I wasn't confident in approaching him since i didn't knew what was his intrests were. But then i overheard them talking about LoL (the game i played). I got the courage and went up to them. They accepted me into the group immidiately. That was the best day in my life. I got into a group of 7 gamers and life was smiling. I was still depressed but i didn't want to end it anymore.
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TLDR: I was lonely, felt suicidal, found new friends and gave life another try                                                                                                              
This is where the backstory ends and my actual problem starts


So I have been with the same group of friends i got for 3 years now and i'm still happy. But I've noticed that I'm addicted to one of the two friends of my childhood friend i mentioned in backstory. I got a bit closer to him and we would share some things that we wouldn't with the others. I thought being close like that was okay. I discovered and accepted that i was a bisexual male and felt romantic and sexual attraction towards him and thought that it was normal since he was my type (of which he or none of my other friends know). But recently I've noticed that I can't live without him. I get really depressed when i can't talk to him but if it's anyone other that's missing for a while then I barely notice. I manipulate others of our group of friends so that he would like me more. Its really scary since i don't know what will happen if i lose him. I know that it's not healthy having your mental stability rely on one person. I can't even tell him because just how can i tell to someone that they are the only one keeping me away from ending it. I know it's highly unlikely that we will be in touch almost daily for the rest of our lives. And I know that I can't live without him. I don't know what to do. I'm scared",2.1297594775072746,4.18786479523142,3.6371568524837237,87.9401739549099,78.46704067321178,7.005664524502312,24.386531577735447,8.01456126696802,1.3842934374411255,2761,98,574,49,67,911,279,713,0.191,0.705,0.104,-0.9966,1,2,1,0,0,2,60.0,5,1,5,5,21,46,2,4,28,2,74,9,0,5,2,120,127,56,3,22,27,1,5,3,16,13,5,1,0,2,42,37,1,2,30,5,0,5,26,15,0,9,61,6,108,31,66,49,9,68,0,8,0,3,79,26,0,9,39,405,150,4,0.0,0.0532368134381023,0.043846936976471455,0.09796454740421996,0.0,0.0,0.03982931301672837,0.0,0.04499268850241401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747736827582312,0.0,0.0,0.061110304002463964,0.09422978055189116,0.0,0.0,0.04456025343346602,0.06283469228007926,0.0,0.036975027502379285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042214887513352284,0.0,0.0,0.027389996785695047,0.0,0.03823363643015605,0.0,0.04715313231237515,0.0,0.04905386785522792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048555293183480584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935545182851397,0.028977281768832068,0.0,0.07739935463904885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591848867817733,0.0,0.0,0.05935403545885646,0.0,0.03785696356373837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725662248346022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926537893292952,0.5207127406052684,0.0,0.07042500357864948,0.0,0.025535766716620282,0.0,0.21561630019391828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973302573711987,0.04783071660425524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747289377744605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518452428633142,0.0,0.05072251187420717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03993743163270565,0.0,0.0,0.17285332320928076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488185117564808,0.0,0.0952099375840128,0.06585419612612978,0.045033448777829804,0.23805351599652905,0.03976321245275754,0.0,0.05026717007276014,0.09809669383556617,0.0,0.12165806039563005,0.0,0.02999231286063901,0.04555377382800097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905613347898419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075923572699228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0346541596278705,0.08679078856622317,0.0,0.0,0.04402360566823383,0.0,0.15346539215033125,0.0,0.0,0.121787751174113,0.10251793294814693,0.0,0.0,0.04989142571916445,0.04865674048350286,0.0,0.0,0.03923269825554914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299364645118775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779048008223675,0.0,0.051142203839102215,0.17270669753414836,0.09239470892899933,0.044364713337307134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042740413207875534,0.0,0.044984551406764654,0.04547336138081269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867213492625006,0.050505204651183716,0.0,0.1832091702158522,0.07614110482517196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954088380153908,0.0,0.07176515703480947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287227930869773,0.14744422777130894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834339126002487,0.07854471445707231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029850678915596163,0.028790471135446586,0.0,0.07134163070882496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03050573004400865,0.0,0.13167546420565376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02650192870170356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041652211336651986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129937901084778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872642339610397,0.0,0.0,0.0868037818644673
suicidewatch,0HN0N0N0,2018/03/28,"i know better than to do it but lately it's been tempting. here's a general nonsense rant hey all

i really don't know how to go about writing this. honestly everything is just such a mess and i'm so incompetent that i don't know how to write it coherently

i don't know why i'm depressed. i shouldn't be. there are many who have legitimate reasons to feel depressed. me though?

i just generally hate myself.

there's nothing right with me. i don't even know who i am. i never developed a personality, i just mold into random ones wherever fits, and if my double-triple-quadruple personality lives collide i don't know what the fuck to do. in short, i don't have a personality, only acting of other people's. but that's not my main complaint

i'm just unlikeable as a person. well, not initially. people seem to really like me at first, for whatever reason. and then as they get to know me, they realize their mistake. for example i went from being called someone's favorite person to barely being acknowledged in less than a week. how?

well you see, i want to make friends, lots of them, being sociable; but i can't commit to anything. i push everyone away, preferably suddenly and without reason and of course when we're at peak closeness. i just manipulate people to fill the void in me and then i get overwhelmed and toss them aside. and somehow after i lose these friends, after all i just don't care

i'm toxic.

i decided the reason i should continue living is to help others who feel like me get to a better place. after all, i actually ""saved"" several of my friends years ago. it was the greatest feeling ever

but now, i can't do shit. i've been told to my face that i'm terrible with advice and should just not say anything. they were right. i see so many of my other friends who are just amazing with helping these people and i will never be able to match them.

i lost my reason to live.

i don't feel anything more. i'm used to the loneliness and the avoidance now. i want to be alone but i don't. i'm just so fucked up in all kinds of ways, physically, emotionally, sexuality, why can't i just be fucking normal?

i don't have any access to pills, so lately i've just been practicing self harm. just grazing and watching it swell, but not yet bleed. i'm too scared, but one day i just want to see the blood flowing.

shitty garbage word vomit is over, i don't want to talk to anyone, just getting this off my chest.",2.266994021452433,4.481001466942153,4.05385616317918,84.34009759099703,78.75206611570249,6.929066291542113,24.347459117285037,7.987972078202968,1.4812464040794795,1906,68,377,34,47,641,226,484,0.16399999999999998,0.684,0.151,-0.9284,1,2,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,7,5,38,31,5,3,14,0,42,10,4,11,8,98,84,33,0,11,27,0,4,2,4,4,3,1,0,6,20,17,0,1,21,0,0,6,22,16,2,3,8,9,56,15,54,65,9,45,0,5,4,3,31,17,4,5,23,262,76,0,0.07276810224212714,0.0,0.07101117086337175,0.0,0.0,0.0711081473246402,0.06450453206159673,0.0,0.0,0.07536580821145075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948480484919812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050881149030346316,0.0,0.17964584370339892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836802743592506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871494599211344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430436835078423,0.0,0.0741919299756358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046929405991273265,0.0,0.12535011966599874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185432070359745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806264523860777,0.06582291453047971,0.0,0.06953304010086554,0.06539927818090488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717495572180647,0.05198554678152996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061896510593551085,0.0,0.0,0.2248818211327407,0.201818813859806,0.1520733201154003,0.0,0.04135578944577509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718434357373612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754985009426882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577678062790702,0.279940121593954,0.0,0.16417117776910814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110163819336604,0.0,0.1927667023596992,0.0,0.0,0.0814088930492538,0.07943497958394716,0.06186483831429496,0.0,0.0,0.0485732733001942,0.1475508685364908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224649292066943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129729006626334,0.06982295666789133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861909866510707,0.05534342081140886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179295894458027,0.3176915004063877,0.07602717894196108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932342192601129,0.3740886430761045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242871234332418,0.0,0.057868115600700924,0.07285356484244346,0.0,0.17396026850705434,0.06624534730244551,0.07591300077194164,0.08220724291678767,0.0746954112458158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616561768883371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848824417549923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714942909890547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953304010086554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284827646577401,0.0,0.0,0.17168204823569996,0.057759932483442925,0.05837018231437083,0.0,0.1308545260268604,0.0674567598108717,0.1313237878385046,0.0,0.0,0.07014585382562646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686027204798212
suicidewatch,CouchPlayers,2018/03/28,"I just need someone to love me. That’s all I need. I just need someone to guininely care about how my day went, or ask “are you ok” and mean it.

I just want someone in my life.",-0.6134615384615358,1.0656373333333349,1.2227564102564124,103.66182692307692,85.92307692307692,3.9,20.006410256410245,3.1291,-0.8491589743589741,132,4,35,0,4,43,28,39,0.0,0.733,0.267,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,12,10,3,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,4,9,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238202750175987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440990782601576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440257113581513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910556895257245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160809684673501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607926193283449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325685403163846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6085654849158413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121289789169936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219396758873641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weirdhandthing,2018/03/28,"I'm accomplished and respected and I'm about to graduate with my BA but I still want to die I feel like with all of my successes and the respect I've earned from peers and my professors/professional connections, I should feel fulfilled. I should be happy, and motivated, and determined to keep going. But I'm graduating college soon and I feel lost. I feel like academia is my life, and without it... I don't know what to do. I've been waitlisted for a PhD program and I'm so happy about that but I'm still living life in a daze, walking around dissociating and mentally fatigued. I've been missing classes and work and professional engagements. Everything feels like a performance. I want to go back to self-harm. I worry about functional depression. I don't know anymore ",3.1338698630136967,5.925984630136992,4.537243150684934,78.7854537671233,79.41095890410959,8.855479452054793,29.67294520547945,9.354420925462401,3.3254260273972616,620,30,112,19,16,205,81,146,0.146,0.573,0.281,0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,7,9,14,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,1,1,33,28,16,1,4,4,0,5,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,15,0,1,8,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,5,14,9,17,22,1,9,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,68,17,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992770831220787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355659460554246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399985453493885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889397454560348,0.0,0.16736359257872513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493110502268414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40769236216612337,0.34561494942258075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832968323253353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433309419961355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433363014066073,0.0,0.0,0.17724979886766848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780700965708345,0.2363521267876104,0.0,0.14239653179499104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760355723913362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251328951999064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823052782068407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575666926665877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023198462932545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544997422733106,0.0,0.11740002289143273,0.16376850481524155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway170618,2018/03/28,"I've set a date I've never done this before. All of my previous attempts were spur of the moment and that's probably why they never worked out. I've set a date and I know what I need to do in the meantime. This time in 3 months I will be dead and that's a really comforting thought. I'm sticking around for a vacation with my best friend, it'll be the last time I see him and probably the best way I can say goodbye to him.

I've got no ambition and no hope, I'm too fucked up to possibly succeed in life and I'm at peace with the fact that I'm just not meant to be here. My contract in my house ends just after I'm gonna do it so I'll pack up all my stuff and leave notes saying who can have what.

I know how I'm going to do it and I'm not scared anymore. I'm ready for this, I just wanted someone to know.",1.2168633540372653,2.016177021739132,3.3878881987577683,94.18195652173914,77.69565217391305,6.9962732919254655,21.838509316770182,7.447530270364453,0.4481378881987581,628,16,160,8,14,216,97,184,0.078,0.765,0.158,0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,5,8,8,1,1,9,0,13,2,0,1,5,31,34,10,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,13,12,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,5,3,15,6,22,23,4,24,0,0,1,1,7,9,1,1,11,96,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590545570580133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277282410104036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364721615911729,0.0,0.3366192961645084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412513727119302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204969511231286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390972960555273,0.14826937116700595,0.0,0.0,0.09114804677476172,0.0,0.1282710954245268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929422105735533,0.0,0.18505779262459085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644231122772263,0.13073167477837488,0.0,0.1698200022734271,0.0,0.0,0.1132816301756264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801434320047125,0.0,0.0,0.1189202555558931,0.2473909632519745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808051396036956,0.0,0.0,0.34583503714749325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274398206412824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25508233687357923,0.1605690575602242,0.0,0.12780265192471912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589004514929542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835975287194461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273243596912135,0.1870385497624622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459669113252248,0.12730273314237936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471863452440695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675905843122796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moon_no,2018/03/28,"Broke up with my first love I just couldn't get over my trust issues and he didn't deserve it. I would blame him and he would always put up with whatever it was i was blaming him for.

So i broke up with him, because I've been such a dirt bag. And he deserves so much more, he always said we can get through it together. But i knew, i probably wouldn't change.

Now i dont have my sunshine, the person who i want to talk to all the time and wake up with any more.

I dont see myself finding another person who can make me happy, another significant other.

I probably will just work till i drop dead, maybe after my grandparents pass on so they dont have to bury more suicidal family members. 

Im just i a giant hole, and at least he was there. But i just cant help but tear him down with me, he has so much potential.

I dont feel to great right now reddit.",2.7019780219780216,3.4729691978022004,4.328241758241759,88.96675824175823,74.05494505494505,8.017582417582418,23.89010989010989,8.384062270229773,1.1690967032967028,662,18,153,11,13,223,103,182,0.14,0.804,0.055,-0.9149,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,2,12,7,0,0,4,0,20,2,1,1,1,28,29,13,2,5,7,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,6,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,7,4,27,5,21,17,7,19,0,2,2,1,20,10,0,0,6,106,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406556985671224,0.0,0.0,0.08747470746292971,0.2697653897365785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841335419122299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360764345642936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6030266823671342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126354535631735,0.0,0.0650406030541478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756803868138616,0.1094149845320598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441064616249232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181810388341826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369319957083121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621984694143021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894548551677813,0.1342592117709821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609611414779945,0.0,0.0858633854452853,0.0,0.1292289258788624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891198010498152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246343793509639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773758053361864,0.0,0.0,0.12931148146606006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985169888881594,0.12235923886266074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025036786154223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140703393117608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339016319986767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500681364905969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587095165788957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364620233329483,0.0,0.0,0.1827540851688003,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,71626Throwaway1715,2018/03/28,"Lost all money yesterday and I'm still feeling drugged I was already depressed to begin with since at least 10 years..

Yesterday I got blackout drunk and went into a club, I barely remember anything, but I woke up this morning to see that I lost all money I had with me, not just that but apparently I went to the bank ATM and withdrew every single cent I had and I lost it all. I don't know if someone stole it or forced me to withdraw the money.. I can remember having an argument with a bouncer too and lost my jacket but got it back later. 

This is the final straw for me. I can't take it anymore. I am a student and my life has been going down the shitter anyways. I might just take my life.. I always get fucked somehow. I know it's all my fault for having no control over my alcohol consumption. I just wanna die tbh.. ",2.5969642857142863,4.238019053571431,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,75.72619047619048,6.704761904761906,26.880952380952376,7.447530270364453,1.4914595238095232,643,25,128,8,14,217,101,168,0.23,0.763,0.006999999999999999,-0.99,1,0,2,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,5,8,7,1,0,8,0,13,6,0,1,4,32,33,11,1,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,10,2,1,5,2,6,3,4,7,0,0,13,2,25,0,15,19,6,16,0,5,1,1,0,5,1,4,8,97,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649661954286053,0.0,0.0,0.15127097004151988,0.0,0.11406137636927732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594632898900375,0.0,0.0,0.1128049969626246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540590618785617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537466539016662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806663246437316,0.0,0.14226719220581852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589690501838099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549564525805694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931166660018867,0.0,0.0,0.15016422251376926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672806793149965,0.07161853870400484,0.0,0.07790561039396877,0.0,0.2192704800278349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067094829532698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364703594942345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5985551869814021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542000721642673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105693867608099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923485428894646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339382863003528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614727126276933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094721068268716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061339023917007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414869930875805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827489805054207
suicidewatch,yourbauss,2018/03/28,"Im constantly thinking of killing myself, but I don't have money to go to a therapist/psychiatrist. What can I do? Please, I need advise. I'm 25 years old, I live with my parents and I'm unemployed, I did poorly in high school and in university, I eventually dropped out and I've only done different courses and workshops since then. I've never had a steady job, I've only worked freelance mostly and barely; every penny I used to make I would use it to travel. In 2014 I had a suicide attempt and after that I started traveling for longer periods of time (1 to 3 months) up until 2016, when a close friend of mine died, after that I tried to get my life together (stopped drinking, stopped smoking, stopped partying, started exercising, etc) I went to a psychiatrist for a while and he prescribed me some pills and they kind of worked but it was like being fake happy or underwater, so I stopped taking them and at first the withdrawal symptoms were pretty awful but then they went away. But one day something happened, and I just stopped going out, I started locking myself in my room, I developed eating disorders (I eat once a day at night and sometimes I fast for days straight, binging and purging) sleeping disorders (Most days I sleep at 5:30am and wake up at 10am or 8am) I started to not bathe for days and I have almost no human interaction I'm afraid to go outside, I'm afraid to go look for a job, I'm afraid I'm too old and that I've wasted my life, I'm afraid of everything. Everyone I know have a life and they seem happy (I recently removed myself from social media because I knew seeing other peoples lives wasn't helpful, but I still think about it); this have been going on for more than a year and my mind is only thinking in killing myself constantly (Every day every hour or two. I even fantasize about it, like dying would be the best thing to ever happen to me), also I have constant panic attacks. I'm absolutely broke therefore can't afford going to a professional, and the past month things have gone worse (I think being secluded for this long is finally taking its toll, I'm just constantly talking to myself, I'm paranoid and I think I've developed a fear of the dark), I need advise. Please.",5.196261973180075,6.154350604166673,6.116877394636017,77.74000000000002,68.42129629629629,8.73639846743295,31.5632183908046,8.939507131559953,2.6913284482758617,1759,72,321,30,29,582,225,432,0.155,0.743,0.102,-0.9775,7,0,2,0,0,3,56.0,0,0,4,5,11,18,3,6,16,1,25,12,3,4,2,62,68,34,5,4,11,1,0,2,1,2,6,0,2,1,14,23,3,5,8,5,2,12,6,11,0,3,12,2,47,7,50,51,6,77,0,1,2,0,14,19,0,8,47,203,61,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686207970030093,0.0,0.0,0.0548017400561613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779603837892466,0.06438422159198587,0.0,0.0,0.0417739742145752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191580739368192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962172768836834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651689733790423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422422903456871,0.0715970742405924,0.15707782988568209,0.0,0.0,0.07012783815392695,0.0,0.06713125705709222,0.0,0.14024230756766656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642672747354738,0.04526203427822588,0.06198741244849565,0.17321314406794544,0.06548134895385538,0.06158846139449591,0.0,0.0,0.07711294387141178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506896919507894,0.0,0.058289800119812,0.0,0.0,0.05294448862587622,0.0,0.0358030014457973,0.0,0.23367592235570256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119799834926336,0.145898456120619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045932809533086885,0.07240349300026304,0.0,0.0,0.06748618152746183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402189574820167,0.0,0.13600674134668114,0.0,0.15163194500539956,0.0713612666395405,0.03766114386913335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520985558067262,0.06695854481519524,0.0,0.1210227894114692,0.060645038576919184,0.05754618015145325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574290803605192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919364791258109,0.0,0.10939663832859564,0.0,0.0,0.10162514497785052,0.05285294416239195,0.0,0.0,0.0643087956798214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381701519029516,0.07297998123226246,0.04643628125447218,0.15635567689237914,0.0,0.08040273016143044,0.07609212764162368,0.0,0.06541763844502659,0.047508620153502365,0.0,0.0,0.1504461200583478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971751457614618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766303791454276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935389736023018,0.054607867136221136,0.06238523005736923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566869903219433,0.0,0.1371547880299182,0.06985556818746919,0.0,0.05275612845601598,0.06777584929241999,0.0,0.19401761259931105,0.0,0.05472647264133288,0.2864619810279224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749584044277002,0.0,0.0,0.0712267311033672,0.10304891078355953,0.055080133430071176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795661783111386,0.09105378880211752,0.2195495691817216,0.0,0.0,0.03995917189885991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046525948514194816,0.0,0.06694180469676674,0.0,0.0,0.11837221316467353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705210708648745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977826052496112,0.0,0.0698357886605448,0.09736051365475548,0.0,0.0,0.08825944677797329
suicidewatch,happyghostjungle,2018/03/28,"I ruin everything. I may or may not lose the one reason I'm still here. 
I'm so stupid. I have what I've always wanted and I'm probably about to lose it. 
He's been so good to me. He has made me smile so much. He's my dream come true. 
I hate my anxiety. I hate my depression. I hate having low self esteem. Maybe if I were emotinally healthy, I wouldn't have said the things that are causing me to possibly lose him. 
I can't deal with this. I don't know how to take it back. I don't know what to expect when he gets home. I hope he'll let me hug him. I hope we can work through this. I've hurt him. I feel hopeless. 
If I lose him, this world is losing me. Not that anyone cares. He was my one best friend, my only supporter. I just can't do this without him. I love him. 

Always consider your partner's feelings. This is so shitty. The simplest little words will make an impact. 

I don't know. 

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suicidewatch,emajagli,2018/03/28,"If I'm still alone a year from now I'll kill myself I can't stand life anymore, I'm starting to fail everywhere. Soon I'll have nothing to live for so what's the point of living anyways...

Made this post as a reminder for worthless self",0.4462666666666699,2.7569621600000005,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,87.4,4.133333333333334,22.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.0397333333333334,188,7,41,1,6,60,41,50,0.261,0.7390000000000001,0.0,-0.9201,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,6,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,5,0,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854273381426976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733104719590012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048986609087674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465682958264935,0.0,0.0,0.4867006939690278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607692013236026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644353074149235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26052090908205205,0.0,0.2639383109718291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28749967996054426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506348174897914,0.0,0.22008592218491305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774704343085121
suicidewatch,ReallyOutOfNowhere,2018/03/28,"I want go give up, i can't even cry anymore I am a foreign person living in France. I moved out of my country, Venezuela, because of the political, economical situation there. All kinds of shit had happened to me in the 2 years i've been here, including being left out on the street by my ex fiancé, the person that reassured me we will get married and adviced to stop paying the expensive french courses i was paying in order to have a student visa, because we were gonna get married. When that happened i really really tried to kill myself, but i reached for help and didn't. Those ppl that helped me tho, got fed up of me and my ""attitude"" and left. I learned to pretend, fake it until you make it right?. So i shut all the sadness inside, even my sister and best friend couldnt stand my sadness. Eventually i got back on my feet and found my dream job and a nice appartement after being homeless for nearly 6 months. But know, despite me having a job and all that, i've been denied a visa to stay. I have to leave everything here, it literally cost me tears and so much pain to have my own space my job, the little security i've gained, and now i have to leave all that, to go back to a country that's starving. i wouldnt no be able anymore to help my family with medicines and food anymore, i would be there being a burden to them. Without the income i had to help them, how can we not starve?. I have no friends anymore, i stopped texting and they just didnt care. I've just learned that i have to leave or go through a expensive legal process i don't have the energy or money for. I've just learned that i've barely cried. I don't want to text anyone, they don't get it, they say ""theres other countries"" or ""you have so many options"" but really, no i dont, you have to have money and energy to do that, i dont have either of those. I cant afford to move to another country where i dont know anyone else yet again and start over yet again, do ppl even think about how much pain one goes when leaving EVERYTHING you know and just, start your life on a country that doesn't even want you there? that kicks you out like you're shit?. No, i don't have the energy to start over anymore. I cant even cry and it's killing me, i wish i could just cry my sadness out, but i'm really just resigned to end it. I've planed it out, i have enough money in my account so my family can live and move out of my country with it, and they wont have me around to be depressed and to be fed when they cant even feed themselves. I think, it's gonna happen soon, i think im gonna kill myself soon. In my mind it's really logic, i have thing planned out, i leave money for my family, and to be really serious, nobody will miss me. it's just PURE shock value. they're shocked and then they're over it. i mean logically, who wants to live a life like this?. it's just DUMB to just continue to live just because ppl will feel bad when you die. well cry me a river, i feel bad now, where the fuck are they?. So i'm weirdly calm. I guess this my cry for help. I just stopped reaching out for ""friends"" because they think you're ""manipulative"". So i guess i'll just do the last thing to do, reach out to strangers, so i can kill myself in peace and just say that i did everything i could. 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suicidewatch,slimeygoth,2018/03/28,"Everything is scary I can’t keep doing this. I even considered going back to the hospital at one point but I know that all progress goes out the window when I get released. I’m tired of it. Nobody wants to listen. They pretend to listen to me and then back off when it “gets too much”. My meltdowns are becoming so much more common, it’s almost become daily. Nobody wants to listen but at the same time, I don’t want to talk. I want to disappear. ",1.8343333333333327,4.041223544444449,3.3877777777777784,88.58500000000002,80.22222222222223,6.222222222222222,20.0,7.3871296695380915,0.6256666666666675,349,9,70,5,9,115,63,90,0.111,0.816,0.07400000000000001,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,13,18,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,12,18,5,14,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070692892685808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180159170746561,0.0,0.0,0.4567643557195577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658216864533584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584859816688545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607741054765356,0.0,0.11752294074747588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380354361249585,0.0,0.0,0.11364581343584824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30402738221144604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012556215600053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548242281124853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620914621092586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058031509740558,0.23767350849566385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878779840163516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway464758,2018/03/28,"I don’t know what to put in the note What do I say to the people that might care? I’m sorry? I hope that they understand, I just want to be happy. ",-3.2199019607843167,-1.8261045588235267,0.1552941176470597,104.04215686274513,109.2941176470588,3.443137254901962,8.607843137254902,5.46131890053228,-1.8622392156862744,111,1,30,1,6,39,24,34,0.036000000000000004,0.643,0.32,0.8796,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326345874662767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34730020336210715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240408078804283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179298990165957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34610070141358706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261813302139892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279723163159292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594478505493954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36521122846617016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396387452725785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243126344402015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,420Goddess,2018/03/28,"I'm ready . I have to be selfless. I have to be brave. I have to save my family . I have a date set.
Next Sunday.
I have to do this to save my family .

I am pregnant.

I cannot have this baby.

It's too late to go back ..
If I have him my family will be torn apart.

I ruined a good family , I threw so much away . My kids are absolutely incredible human beings.

But I'm not human anymore.
I'll never be the same again .
Their mum is gone .
My beautiful kids lost their mother to serious depression and deep shame and fear , and I'll never get out.

I  am a terrible person.
Garbage .

I have to save them from this terrifying future , 

",-1.0790769230769222,0.9956888615384648,2.285,90.2575,98.84615384615385,5.984615384615385,14.961538461538465,7.365786028017652,0.3054153846153844,472,11,105,11,20,169,75,130,0.184,0.66,0.157,-0.4357,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,1,4,12,0,2,4,0,20,0,0,0,2,13,27,6,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,3,0,21,5,11,18,2,17,0,3,0,0,11,4,0,1,9,74,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994055268315088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994330031617803,0.1472702957577411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495952182375898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7222079216039429,0.2155179836645756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006349509370446,0.0,0.108847622480086,0.16064142092702474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160476516033299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907130018165151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407923317442643,0.0,0.295430556395553,0.0,0.2036881706162089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723155313819918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,time_machine_error,2018/03/28,"I'm hopeless and I have zero motivation I'm in my last year in highschool, my final exams are in two months and I don't know anything. I have zero motivation for studying, I keep failing exams, I don't want to do anything I feel like I'm a failure. I won't probably graduate this year and will repeat the grade.

I wish death everyday i wake up, i see all of my colleagues studying and are ready for final exams and then look at myself and keep thinking that I won't graduate with them and how i'm a disappointment to my parents. I wish i wasn't what i'm today but i can't change anything about myself.",3.43809523809524,4.391920269841272,5.4160317460317495,81.16785714285716,72.49206349206351,7.822222222222222,29.079365079365076,8.167268648758528,2.00516507936508,478,19,96,7,9,166,67,126,0.11,0.794,0.097,-0.3423,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,12,1,1,3,1,21,27,10,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,1,3,21,1,12,23,1,15,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,0,11,65,24,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44284703057563946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897618247040384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070066801004158,0.12815016785504374,0.0,0.3930072947681889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188850097311982,0.0,0.0,0.09858337225479,0.14621985100897694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763673206651508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506352679946487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318058895456948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918190937108685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340357909097644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294381797421715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494041169981327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003267209773598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522964450470546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058038467478401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41255970720325547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310315886036042
suicidewatch,xgore0x1,2018/03/28,"I give up I don't know how normal people do it... how do you just.. smile and keep living and get throguh tough situations with barely any trauma? how do they do it? I'm ashamed of the way I feel and my mental problems. I wish I was never born, or I at least with one of my severeal suicide attemps would have worked because it could've prevented me from hurting people and just making my life worse. I've tried getting help all my life. I've been hospitalized like 15 times since 2012. I've seen therapiste and psychatrists and they either call me names or just completely ignore everything I have to say and I don't know why its just me! so many people manage to overcome their mental illnesses and get good professional help so why can't I find one decent fucking doctor!? I keep getting shit on by everyone. I am openly suicidal. Everyone knows I want to kill myself and I've tried reaching out to people and I just get shut down and ignored. People say they care about me but they don't act like it.. and I swear to god when i do finally kill myself they're all gonna come running to my obituary saying how they wish they could've helped me or they cared about me so much and missed me and its so fucking hurtful because the only thing I need to stay alive is for those people to tell me those things now.. they know I need help. they know I'm going to kill myself and yet no one says a word to me. but as soon as i die everyone will just magically start to care and its such bullshit. why cant they care now? why cant anyone help me now? i dont know when i will do it but i will soon. im just so exhausted and tired of it all. i fight every day all day just to fucking keep breathing in this miserable stupid fucking life that no one wants me in. ",3.021414721013058,4.381330459833799,4.1800425405619315,88.05733725761775,74.04155124653741,7.262406015037595,23.973189552829442,7.83500028581142,1.0640652156707562,1380,40,295,19,28,451,171,361,0.217,0.664,0.119,-0.993,0,0,0,0,1,4,30.0,0,1,11,1,28,28,10,2,3,0,23,13,2,5,5,72,62,36,6,9,15,0,1,2,0,5,7,4,0,0,15,22,0,6,8,0,0,4,10,21,0,4,3,6,53,7,31,54,7,30,0,4,1,4,26,9,5,3,17,188,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773707225462022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908409955463533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558414342431163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168004423993966,0.0,0.2862863081101181,0.0,0.0,0.06046939299156678,0.07360130606887376,0.0,0.0,0.11209484072486282,0.0,0.0,0.0905438528654972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285447941472366,0.0,0.0,0.07185066526655286,0.0,0.0,0.08227157638630322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059144873666798915,0.20123169745705552,0.06308946912968283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035494236648870275,0.0,0.0,0.07689851812166394,0.06415973394075923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595878156652209,0.18337788469793506,0.06734035346569442,0.03989516205906219,0.05887878279063183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526132196381402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029690064711088,0.0,0.07582592584694968,0.0,0.0,0.1871857216849278,0.2329911812266881,0.0,0.23147403130930375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487488482997121,0.06859042993505067,0.0,0.061986152630574935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685773469736861,0.07116979135336096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414862207906289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160363417802999,0.10410190970370024,0.05414105359423826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877917166337945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190272026049549,0.053388770272878784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919988799885245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717004081822907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329718579978514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930380056930549,0.0720572760587104,0.05806854149291162,0.07890553460741181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049686531793246384,0.07482176714137158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357051743378364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061356178314946615,0.0,0.0,0.08150533130181478,0.0932729129402352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093303980777982,0.08068231681637912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531971820870427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280924181093954,0.055719934205798544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337123862169564,0.0,0.16144855600886845,0.0,0.0,0.05110500688498738,0.0,0.07153779674126176,0.04986667130168558,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LRLI,2018/03/28,"The world won't change, so I must go I am grateful for every minor kindness. I am grateful for every second I believed what everyone else did. The way I am is a product of the way I was raised, and my choice is to either fulfill that prophecy or leave. I'm nineteen. That makes me sad. I outright tell ppl every time I'm going to try but it never works and they stopped caring which is fair, they are only humans. I really hope it works this time. Please if you suspect something is wrong, ignore it and don't inspect the problem too deeply. You don't want to know the truth. The truth will not set you free, it will drown you.",1.5235456730769243,3.703042484375004,2.723437500000003,93.07396634615385,81.1875,4.56346153846154,21.564903846153847,5.369823440869387,0.013308173076923335,490,15,101,2,13,157,84,128,0.172,0.621,0.206,0.6364,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,2,2,2,10,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,1,4,20,25,7,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,2,0,16,7,6,19,1,10,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,3,4,66,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042612145325679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484580328184427,0.0,0.19178966952615945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514515507894305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582551679169007,0.1732383920501057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060721192444921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007022025281147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887943862611121,0.0996368601272106,0.0,0.0,0.1919688298152293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101809083752725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398285039646806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788560399506364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990112020099946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347808539616294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161443984416546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395723669490918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157358169800894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584627940022612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143311180991425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308971391052193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693449451180803,0.2878124648034701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639747911589576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822134139134728,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cant_say_this_IRL,2018/03/28,"Need to word-vomit some stuff Mostly I just need to release some thoughts that have built up inside of me. I'm going through one of my ""episodes,"" but I feel like this episode is somehow worse or darker than ones I've had in the past. I apologize in advance if this post isn't put together well or doesn't make much sense.

I've been depressed and suicidal for at least half of my life. I'm a 23/female, but recall feelings of hopelessness, depression, self-hatred, and suicide since I was a pre-teen. I seem to go through episodes, like I mentioned above. I'll be fine for several months, maybe even a year, and then I'll go crashing back down to my pit of despair. Sometimes my episodes last for several months. I believe the episode I'm currently in has been going on for about 7 months, and it's been getting worse with each passing week.

I have absolutely no passion for anything anymore. I don't look forward to anything. I don't want to do anything. It's very difficult for me to be excited about anything. I constantly feel like there is a weight on me, that's suffocating me, and that there is absolutely no reason to exist right now. Thoughts of suicide have become frequent & invasive. Every day, multiple times a day, I fantasize about suicide. I just want to die so that I can not think anymore. No more existence, no more meaninglessness. 

I have tried to get help before. In 2015, I was regularly seeing a therapist, and was trying a few different medications. Ironically, this is also the year I did attempt suicide. I tried and failed. The medications didn't work, so I stopped. I stopped seeing my therapist because I have a full time job and can't exactly take time off every week to go. I'm too afraid of medications to try them again. After my failed suicide attempt (which no one knows about), I got a little better. Maybe it sparked my interest in life a little, since I was so close to death. I even attended a two week outpatient program for the depressed. 2016, I was certainly depressed again, but it was what I felt was ""manageable"" depression. September or so of 2017 comes around, and I've fallen right back to where I started. 

This time, though, there is no ""passion"" to kill myself. Yes, I want to die, and I've given up caring for myself at all, but I don't have any strong feelings anymore. At least suicide was something that excited me back then. Now it's just a ""hurry up and get it over with"" sort of feeling. 

I do have hobbies, but I don't particularly care about them anymore. I stream myself playing video games, and honestly it was something I had started to try and make friends and to distract myself, but most nights I don't even want to do it anymore. It's too much effort. 

Anyways, thanks to anyone that took the time to read this. I wish I could say that I have some motivation to grt better, but I don't. This on/off of depression and suicidal thoughts has really worn on me over the years. It's exhausting. I'm 7 months in to my current episode, and I'm exhausted. I can't cry, I can't express this to anyone a healthy way. All I have it just a neutral existence, with no feeling, no happiness, no passion, no joy, until I finally end it.",4.05825268817204,5.665062637096777,4.9397580645161305,82.65297043010753,71.82258064516128,8.198924731182796,31.303763440860216,8.782025293597997,2.578344086021505,2505,114,485,47,48,814,257,620,0.265,0.604,0.131,-0.9989,4,0,2,0,0,10,101.0,0,0,2,11,35,39,1,2,21,1,50,11,0,4,4,77,100,36,12,9,16,0,8,3,1,0,7,1,0,0,29,23,1,2,15,4,0,13,23,16,1,5,24,12,62,23,75,73,16,83,0,10,3,3,9,28,0,12,45,327,91,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318290654720075,0.0,0.058507793348190264,0.0,0.036721108570751816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677620298214433,0.07551458284787911,0.0,0.1777459983529664,0.0480704758062239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456547935904287,0.0,0.032917232605470186,0.05963755048039954,0.0459490927863754,0.06083827692906778,0.0,0.09551529041811399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011096937782858,0.0,0.0,0.04651527712900056,0.0,0.058353635177576135,0.0,0.043113733436809486,0.0,0.059315263922768174,0.06964965580113272,0.0,0.2790550776731897,0.0,0.112084680609827,0.056417364901479826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047827004019654736,0.0,0.0,0.10699730671160018,0.0,0.09099281647343674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382081967663725,0.07715366013029322,0.051847419033790906,0.0591531633488949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171942172233088,0.0,0.08463660080640091,0.0,0.15344411672385005,0.0,0.04318785895051594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748284077823933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03619432922175359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358558318900245,0.0,0.0597417901696926,0.0,0.02967638718213698,0.04401631647416023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762820501301182,0.07914341534578824,0.10824218199401547,0.0,0.0,0.04534548204275856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208937967640121,0.0,0.108498320378845,0.0,0.0,0.163194653973953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240565006441047,0.0,0.07939081991411391,0.08007901088408699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067431638409327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977317098451987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154806698866028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517160263834031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428381629481036,0.0,0.0,0.05401352003193703,0.0,0.034593082648232014,0.05551987006656027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922295433405647,0.0,0.04294209833167787,0.0,0.0,0.08606027549011269,0.04915857702204684,0.05633263689274118,0.12200678982766347,0.0,0.08933690802539894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314199376054758,0.05340629993048337,0.0,0.07644140883848716,0.0,0.0,0.0902910085948192,0.0,0.0,0.06181582957373415,0.4725283204528077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060045793798637,0.0,0.0,0.04971493873165897,0.0,0.12539378635812187,0.0,0.03460031932831503,0.05305365211803082,0.12860730164757234,0.15743598506576942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059994772733082624,0.1833085669040234,0.0,0.0527490859479824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455475363068361,0.12739981802745956,0.042861819061981665,0.1299439984815049,0.06575612153153182,0.04855150254557865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209607830755656,0.0,0.0,0.03931184753692162,0.0,0.11005899930505272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432057736346527
suicidewatch,stormy_sun,2018/03/28,"Any advice for dealing with suicidal thoughts ? Hi I’m new here. I decided to join this subreddit because I’ve been feeling suicidal for a couple of months now.  I’m 22 years old and in my 4th year of university. I’ve been struggling with depression for over a year now and with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve not been to any of my classes this year. I have no energy, motivation or interest to do anything. I see no point in living anymore. I’m in this dark hole that I can’t get out of and don’t really feel or care about anything. I just want to die. The reason why I’m still here is the guilt over leaving my pets and letting my parents down. I’m also scared of failing. I know that statistically a lot of suicides attempts fail.  The last thing I want is to end up in a hospital explaining what happed and how I feel. I think there’s a good chance of being successful with a combination of two types of prescription meds and alcohol ( I don’t want to mention the types of drugs because I don’t think it’s allowed here) that would result in respiratory depression. My counsellor thinks those reasons are enough to stop me but I’m not so sure. Everyday I think of getting ahold of the meds and having them here in from of me to see if I’d still would want to kill myself as much.  I wonder what will happen if I get them, will I start sorting through my stuff, writing my goodbyes and deciding on a good place to die. I’m not sure what I’m trying to get out of posting this here. I guess I don’t want to talk about this to anyone else because I feel ashamed of voicing any of this.  Also the way I see it, it must be hard hearing things like that from people around you but to you I’m just a person on the internet so maybe it’s easier.  Sorry for writing so much. Any advice for dealing with these feeling ? ",3.320362872421697,4.544496387700537,4.7636707410236845,84.69995989304813,73.0909090909091,8.123605805958746,28.06302521008403,8.634040054169528,1.9791164247517183,1435,55,301,26,28,480,178,374,0.145,0.7609999999999999,0.094,-0.9719,2,0,2,0,0,5,29.0,0,2,2,5,21,17,1,4,15,0,23,2,0,6,3,65,62,23,6,10,11,1,6,1,0,5,2,2,1,1,22,16,1,1,19,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,4,11,34,8,64,50,4,36,0,4,3,0,15,17,0,8,18,200,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032284457117524,0.0,0.08766802743520999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120306934893694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231402441200664,0.0,0.06275480447587628,0.0,0.08135441306915052,0.057359183543011075,0.08405221341993667,0.13501187398600434,0.07302651066280795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001914985469714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363782284760547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076764180269327,0.0,0.0,0.16914425972420855,0.14130931903232385,0.0,0.17027401926883334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513190882050436,0.0,0.06852780939585272,0.0,0.07265663924548191,0.08476172606963289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739103427938455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143483680551136,0.0,0.0,0.13761030311324096,0.0,0.0,0.09036828695198873,0.0,0.07254126130883208,0.0,0.07348520215481925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245683475825356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075704793164184,0.0,0.04508303628459928,0.06686761365323564,0.0,0.08686080341173368,0.0,0.08388401169321022,0.0,0.04007704221567075,0.0,0.07243639260214317,0.07259637370932266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974128303611926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241289083534116,0.0,0.1822397127339403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547773259780643,0.0,0.12060697256997943,0.0,0.0,0.07922770989348724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860795377949316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910876250429358,0.0,0.0,0.05687115754248275,0.071627804910602,0.08570673017994164,0.0,0.07754743350555272,0.0,0.07856466757994239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255225950027796,0.16868659256700896,0.0,0.0,0.09292707778529054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212906110017401,0.0,0.19610836548790306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918289113019754,0.05806317977927197,0.0,0.13102286857725834,0.06858302514504694,0.0,0.08575840770996135,0.09390783556405204,0.269191436011004,0.0,0.15462973115294512,0.0,0.0,0.06593479111035856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899778505613844,0.21025301256024675,0.0,0.06512481467793453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569483052159643,0.0,0.0801340453329768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419251113491551,0.06511375296917463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402176831442675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896098301996308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654737798290805,0.0,0.0,0.2113055224969508
suicidewatch,Non-NSFW-Account,2018/03/28,"I haven't made an attempt yet, but I have been playing around Last night I poked a few holes in my belt so I could secure it around my neck and see what it feels like. Today I tried hanging myself while sitting under a doorknob and then a towel stand. I can't do it for more than a few seconds because of how uncomfortable it is, but I wish I could do so. 

I don't think I can tell my therapist about it since she could tell my parents and I'm so tired of feeling like shit. Besides it would be too awkward.",2.59,3.5669992962962986,3.7694444444444457,92.08250000000002,74.55555555555556,6.140740740740743,25.537037037037038,5.985473137389443,0.576737037037037,396,13,90,2,8,129,70,108,0.135,0.7070000000000001,0.158,0.1534,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,5,0,14,3,2,2,0,17,21,11,0,5,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,16,4,9,14,3,13,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,8,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325376133379862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385593531921255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473724602901837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888774883012088,0.26686332483415937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224605730188753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824970664363443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673044500175622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752751137291489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739085820671585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883500805179428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172122858189752,0.15450170650232534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264981007066413,0.0,0.0,0.2168594638579817,0.0,0.11967748828357085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466968710094947,0.17704028393378465,0.0,0.0,0.126807551455062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147813323221777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267916871377655,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleaseforgive24,2018/03/28,"i had surgery for a blocked nose - nerves were damaged - i want to die 12 years ago i had routine sinus surgery. the dr said it was very safe.

after surgery, i am suffocating 24/7. the air does not go into my lungs. multiple times per hour, my heart will start racing and i wil experience that feeling like i'm drowning.

i cant joke around or laugh anymore. i am only able to survive...even talking brings on the suffocation feeling.

only reason i am still alive, is my mom... how can i ask her for permission to commit suicide?",2.0925401069518728,4.585460500000004,3.2969518716577544,87.94082887700537,81.25490196078431,5.6698752228164,26.91978609625669,6.980632752743323,1.3480470588235298,409,18,80,5,11,132,79,102,0.152,0.6809999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.0759,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,11,5,3,2,1,13,20,3,3,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,4,13,4,9,14,0,13,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,8,44,15,0,0.21057266072827974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665995850829825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088314968806168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745431204475585,0.19685701256120555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854117670030376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427355442743726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908125645296726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598046791792549,0.0,0.0,0.21294372852949112,0.15043315089869014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967329574075215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952961683084346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073716541849679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102875165595901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466201552553689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202999945027165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165037660557916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003028210067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904441307501326,0.0,0.16816359886539892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033231351091726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925032834276876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278661185114048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374449805387646,0.12420121104705426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356018896131403
suicidewatch,aMeizingly,2018/03/28,"I'm back to a place I never wanted to return to So I've fucked up my life after really making progress over two years. I went from no job and homeless, suicidal, unhealthy to the opposite. Loving fiancee that's the girl of my dreams and a decent job. Also well educated now with a few solid qualifications.

But it's come crashing down. My main hobby is motorcycles. It's consumes my life. I work bloody hard to provide for my financee and pay for bikes and anything that entails. I ride every day and its something that is too guaranteed help my depression and keep me sane.

Almost two months ago I went to a mates last ride before he left town and i managed to get carried away keeping up with him.
Sadly I was the only one in the group to get pinged by a speed camera 113 in a 80 zone. Spent a month asking for advice and got fucked around with lawyers and family.
Ended up just accepting my disqualification for 6 months.

Now I'm stuck relying on my partner to drive me too work and anywhere else I need to go. It's fucking embarrassing and makes me so ashamed of myself.
I planned a big holiday road trip for us and I fucked it up. I work night shift and have no other way to get to work now. Which in turn means she can't get another job in hospitality her preferred role.

I just feel so ashamed because I've set our life together back so badly. I got offered a new job that I can't take because again no license for 6 months.

I used to be a depressed lazy person that just played video games and now I feel that coming back.

I know I fucked up and deserve the punishment because motorcycles are evil and so am I for going so fast.

I'm know for having a twisted and dark sense of humor and I've made a few suicide jokes but i actually mean them now.

It feels like hell and I don't know how to keep myself level through these 6 months.
I feel like now they I've fucked up it's only a matter of time before I lose my job.

This whole thing makes me feel like shit even tho my very supportive fiancee says we will get through this together. She means the best yet something inside of me gets so mad when she says it. I almost say it's easy for you to say when you can leave anytime you want.

It's such a fucked up thing to say and very hurtful which in turn thinking it makes me hate myself more.

Now they I right all this down it seems stupid and selfish just to feel like killing myself because I lost use to a material possession and object. Man I must be fucked up.",2.9489009872241567,4.553384136904762,4.0712098335269085,87.76864111498259,74.69444444444444,6.821835075493612,24.792682926829272,7.499876790926021,1.062896109175377,1951,63,410,24,41,635,250,504,0.219,0.695,0.086,-0.9976,5,0,2,0,0,2,33.0,3,3,3,9,34,39,16,3,21,0,15,13,1,8,3,71,77,36,3,5,6,0,7,4,4,2,3,5,0,4,27,29,0,3,16,7,2,10,7,27,1,3,9,12,61,12,59,64,7,70,1,6,0,9,34,26,10,3,36,254,88,12,0.0,0.0,0.05816207819232903,0.0,0.0,0.05824150728009837,0.05283278098237015,0.0,0.1193637889992058,0.0,0.0,0.047662979902186924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062496952380573616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904662877388439,0.053057617132284816,0.05571898500677901,0.0,0.055997197472414134,0.1374887059236453,0.04976443080370036,0.14532911483345634,0.0,0.1014322963002452,0.0,0.06254767967115367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268214421930454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384377802477821,0.0,0.10266868399422764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978907304811293,0.0,0.05278888601161996,0.0,0.0,0.03936596589678233,0.0,0.05021649918442018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618661479913102,0.0,0.18081664853366616,0.17031615730408525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408020687329843,0.1868346957523823,0.0,0.06774535978511413,0.0,0.09533689219955302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339088072853339,0.05884374917576962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994936247248522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380421261262463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957244867008553,0.15892859444220747,0.06593978895483378,0.0,0.09826562120956188,0.04858285315239378,0.0,0.06310896151812954,0.06475677193910268,0.0,0.12629406330981874,0.11647235188283125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667838799886573,0.06506164364838954,0.0,0.05379232172481198,0.05639600400325821,0.1591367941350472,0.0,0.0,0.19476921889795887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378651557723869,0.0,0.0,0.044193462084161896,0.04596804431395555,0.05756311591014124,0.0,0.055931596932505816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038724934456473,0.09065864791491464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204138352605469,0.06227046635905266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818199224767686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050899015630458656,0.0,0.2369859434430744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425860498901063,0.0,0.0,0.061179674925318214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917676806517233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038786432971286,0.06763462448024578,0.0,0.0,0.044812611411476924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919264792040798,0.03818997970764505,0.0,0.0,0.034753881996658666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965776862920697,0.11644323295604532,0.0,0.07169278746566647,0.10295243200787564,0.0,0.09835430250740368,0.07030854858678681,0.04730858072949313,0.0,0.0,0.05358854868931698,0.11050163772879906,0.0,0.06654250213679383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356124901153433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038381155722843896
suicidewatch,Symana,2018/03/28,"i'm so tired of life. i am insanely depressed.

i have been wildly in love with one of my best girl friends for over a year now but i do not know if she feels the same way about me. i am too shy to confront her because it might ruin our friendship, and she is basically a female version of me. i do not want to lose her. its eating me from the inside out.

my best friend has had a big crush on a girl i know for like 4 years now, but i recently heard from some of her friends she has a crush on me. i dont like her at all and dont find her attractive. i dont know how to tell him because i dont want to break his heart.

for my age, 17, i am relatively wealthy and basically won the genetic lottery with facial hair growth, length and muscle growth. i often hear from friends they are jealous of some of my aspects, yet if one of them knew all about the shitshow my life is they wouldnt want to trade lives at all.

my family is also a big shitshow. my mom is cheating on my dad with one of her coworkwers. i am the only one that knows as far as i know, and my mom doesnt know i know. i have an adopted little brother from china, 11, who has a handicap where his left leg is not as long as his right leg. he is undergoing surgery and has been in a wheelchair for almost two years now, while it had to be 6 months maximum, but the doctor he has is stuck up and doesnt know what hes doing. my brothers leg is infected and if this doctor doesnt cure it, he will have the leg amputeed. we kicked him from the “project” recently and hired one of america’s best doctors with maximum health insurance or however that works, i dont know yet. i am so worried about him.

i am somewhat intelligent, going to the best school in my region, and in my 6th and also my last year of high school. i am underperforming like hell because of my struggles of life and mental illness and exams are coming up. i am not stressed about it because i somehow cannot feel that emotion, though i understand it is a big deal.

as i said, i am insanely depressed. i show a mask with a fake mood to the outside world because i do not want anyone to worry about me. as an upper middle-class guy, i live up to the stereotype of an inpenetrable social circle of friends i know since birth because my parents have been friends with them before me and my friends were born. if they found out about my life backstage, they would worry about me but i dont want them to. i really dont. i dont want to attract affection or attention from them. they are the best people i know and i love them.

when i turn 18 and can move out, i will immediately because i have been saving money for a while now and already have enough to live 2 years in an appartment in the centre of amsterdam. i want to move awat from everything, yet reflecting upon this i really want my crush to work out and take her with me. i really want to. she’s the best.

if there was a button infront of me whih would wipe my existence as if i had never been born, i would press it without hestitation.

please help me. i feel like crying 24/7. i dont know what to do.",3.6510858759931786,4.2202716770670845,4.950710009795742,86.11939520371513,71.69890795631825,8.146878061168959,27.231469723905235,8.283103749626381,1.5687413634219791,2399,79,530,35,43,800,257,641,0.139,0.7020000000000001,0.159,0.983,2,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,2,0,10,10,26,35,4,2,31,0,70,21,7,2,4,98,109,46,0,19,18,6,5,4,7,7,11,3,0,3,15,31,1,0,21,1,2,6,21,11,0,6,16,8,103,23,87,85,15,64,1,4,0,2,59,31,1,15,29,382,118,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049124497894499235,0.0,0.054136719937690266,0.07846332545177903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034302492375496166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933709874881515,0.0,0.041744742419904016,0.0,0.30890004924342795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422591207919636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388790646066432,0.0,0.05057664109878672,0.08450716239812063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063881704115953,0.0,0.0,0.5174604673582598,0.0,0.0,0.05019857859218268,0.0,0.05518364394958827,0.0,0.05069002525214197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409016470570404,0.0,0.04624751381538863,0.0,0.0744155924058476,0.03504704308163092,0.0,0.0,0.04483812078220994,0.0,0.0,0.05378956190921009,0.2653146092050193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027880790414152114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048575130225796036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214635708681314,0.05529192839677255,0.05813396301924813,0.03288254149973817,0.05183246763061981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235319081396051,0.03998881549260159,0.0,0.0,0.05330165762077448,0.0,0.13860445727399456,0.09586903788507566,0.04916900130450851,0.12995733123085318,0.043414783855585996,0.0,0.05488335044191129,0.0,0.0,0.08855351585155644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943892272594399,0.052042782576536536,0.0,0.11491226706876985,0.03915762541349322,0.10428177470275793,0.0,0.0,0.03783655185627832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662148430463184,0.037310817593466335,0.0,0.0,0.05447310039192613,0.0,0.0,0.034010638357915644,0.0,0.0,0.05385094920799142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428342783880304,0.0,0.09687770788854612,0.0,0.0,0.04189526165573024,0.046665389611640094,0.0,0.0,0.0992986247215559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04058128232747985,0.0,0.0,0.050008450239857866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619577017072255,0.05128607042322652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03688550863519854,0.0,0.04287885196906463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819923327755205,0.0,0.0,0.0563849511866995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533610137164239,0.047922534967585466,0.05107110532453424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604211007691703,0.0389399548041022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047290158769628776,0.0,0.07142961264148967,0.14946233280524726,0.0,0.10454818124228407,0.0,0.0,0.1579587091951176
suicidewatch,Zaikheura,2018/03/28,"I think I'm literally over everything I don't know how to explain. I've tried so many times and never found a cathartic (is that the right word?) response.
I'm tired and bored. I was planning to end my life last year but it failed. I got over it for a bit, even grew so damn much. My career has evolved and I have my own house rental for a change. I don't know what to say?
I'm still over life. The buzz is gone. I have thousands of reasons to be alive, I just don't want to be here.
My dream was to share my heart with someone whom understood me but here I am, alone and fat and a cesspool of psychological problems.
Those who tormented me as a kid, those who were fed with a silver spoon, they're all doing okay.
I don't want them to be okay, I know that's terrible. I don't want them to suffer,I just don't want them to be so happy. It's unjust. I hate it all and most of all I hate my fucking self for no doing better.
I'm filled with rsge and bitterness. I almost legitimately wasnt the world to burn while I watch.
Why am I so hateful? I don't get it.
Just wanted to vent that out.
",0.014491525423728998,1.943404211864408,2.0416000000000025,97.238993220339,85.27118644067797,5.13193220338983,17.91457627118644,6.360717304075467,-0.39586928813559297,838,20,206,8,25,279,124,236,0.224,0.6809999999999999,0.095,-0.9852,1,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,3,3,12,15,6,0,9,2,24,7,2,2,4,38,48,16,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,14,11,2,0,8,1,0,3,10,10,0,1,9,3,29,5,25,35,7,16,0,1,1,1,11,6,2,2,7,132,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365783075293095,0.14858477359081884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688168256840154,0.15662483129330848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176521121053874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706595385211042,0.0,0.0,0.09475619555379958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893561645685794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730016818946205,0.0,0.13262956361498845,0.07495368382156409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147407537825809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271941329660346,0.0,0.4249210969677016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700047711093542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553745447336368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653113057007244,0.11694178534676912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266482628923704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544932851454614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546207593666483,0.0,0.11064778666068308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727505936891718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750422679316386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251692467604006,0.0,0.1140878212376297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496635715847713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155603848532914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457002377965285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919255276210316,0.0,0.0,0.0836546383077123,0.16489002680469475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740220354739784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42309203059195977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945336715773625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238569953523984
suicidewatch,darkbanditblade,2018/03/28,"Getting hit by a train. Hello. After years of being depressed and suicidal, the day has finally come. I am so tired. I completely lack motivation to do anything. I am 18 years old, I'm a few weeks away from finishing college. But I can't. I couldn't even bring myself to wake up and attend to my final exams. All I wanted was to finally get out of this shithole and work on a minimal wage, but I failed. I am simply being labeled as lazy and being kicked out today. My plan is to head to the nearest train station and listen to my favorite songs until I get the chance to jump in front of the next train that passes. 

I don't even know how to spend my last day alive. I'm not even that excited about dying anymore, I just know that I'll free myself from all the bad things.",2.1110242587601107,3.893084257861634,3.904694519317161,87.29617924528303,77.49056603773585,6.555435759209344,22.67789757412399,7.447530270364453,0.9156123989218332,603,18,124,8,14,203,99,159,0.145,0.757,0.097,-0.7914,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,8,0,13,3,2,2,2,21,25,11,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,1,3,6,4,3,0,0,1,2,17,3,25,19,4,28,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,15,86,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610008281218809,0.0,0.0,0.133594618275701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525267772291731,0.0,0.1355497880920177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984428903309973,0.17021375294018032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939586299566346,0.0,0.1398259573589765,0.0,0.16848660739904422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32167845080323904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335171098504057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25445285928588257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661095573831367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843915043427838,0.1323313728974253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726538313413556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035187578027036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775771077276054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785360618712103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658962285768926,0.15388236809740524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575422352954584,0.0,0.1302219199322991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181877806324173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090873919760124
suicidewatch,Depression_Lover,2018/03/28,"I don't know what to do. I don't really know what to do with my life. Last month, my own dad said that I was a piece of shit and my grandma died.
I don't have any friend, I don't have anyone to pass time, to play with or to have a relationship. 
I think that today I'm going to kill myself, I can't take this anymore.
If there's life after death, I'm going to find out today. Good luck to all of you out there, I wish you all the best.",0.3629999999999996,1.2357219000000017,2.7369999999999983,97.7035,80.0,5.8000000000000025,15.5,5.985473137389443,-0.9192,330,3,89,2,8,114,57,100,0.174,0.682,0.14400000000000002,-0.6402,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,0,1,2,7,2,0,3,0,11,3,1,0,2,15,21,3,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,1,14,5,15,19,5,11,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,3,6,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172251299213007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668171102216634,0.14572158719192388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870813820499965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629143593716585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904783493736528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101314794664268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23688267236335805,0.1748001849484707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056920019677996,0.0,0.22906782129828174,0.16987785026575966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944051599042085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634684335640815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335095479376895,0.0,0.0,0.223748923685504,0.0,0.0,0.1982408323773981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139246870427775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669458661674868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353747739099314,0.0,0.0,0.12152260270641108,0.0,0.3950870502409808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965540821696474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenRot333,2018/03/28,"İam just lost... People say everything is temporarly , but i dont believe that. İam a disgrace and failure , no one loves me even my family to... Whenever i speak someone they all going away , İt likes everyone i talk somehow know  iam a failure... İ am asking to God... Why the Fuck you have created me? İf iam a loser and i always have to live setback.. Living makes no sense no more... And another things i want to say FUCK THE KARMA!!! And FUCK THE PAST LİVES!! If because past life iam struggling why? Just fuck all of that beliefs. My biggest dream is making a metal rock band Called Juda's Contract But no one loves me and i dont have money... anyway i just want to end my useless self... No one will love me İam 21 years old since 6 no one loved me İ have no one!!!! İ hate living ... enough is enough Fuck the hell world is true hell!!! And i dont want to reincarnate to this shithole anymore... I looked for hope I looked for end of the tunnel But still nothing changed for many years... İ just wanted love peace serenity and accomplisment İ just tryied to become my best version of me İ always try to improve myself and took lesson from my mistakes... funny thing is iam virgin too didnt have a girfriend since my life time What a loser? iam sexually confused too . Sometimes i feel like a girl or a boy so iam already lost...
Dont know what to do except killing myself...
İ need help , i need suggestions",1.1310573122529632,3.60578761956522,2.6355862977602094,91.06330039525692,85.84782608695653,5.084584980237153,21.40711462450593,6.574015621080383,0.4854652173913046,1077,36,217,12,33,350,149,276,0.267,0.539,0.195,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,1,63.0,0,1,1,6,12,27,9,2,13,0,18,13,0,2,3,39,48,14,1,9,11,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,0,3,7,8,0,0,5,3,1,2,12,17,0,5,4,6,28,10,19,43,7,14,5,5,2,11,19,3,7,5,11,128,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752983552296573,0.0,0.13199853891841445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317226660929204,0.0,0.0,0.07866254717010428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741520042123442,0.0,0.07452225524834552,0.0,0.0,0.048351765264548534,0.08760094982291274,0.0,0.08936468385513797,0.08323977556094139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099296282160327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390835833962942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718423334241045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050513294247402,0.16391423706798985,0.0,0.05238906036508123,0.0,0.0,0.07579213788852583,0.0712862705629852,0.0,0.07477433583464646,0.0,0.040105770298636725,0.0566650864705552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666429500367057,0.0,0.0,0.04507847911749812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831050648573241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053165456872191416,0.0,0.0,0.078781076189341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775406636974876,0.0,0.08718264528058116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204987448358776,0.07750193516973224,0.0,0.21011882213648345,0.0,0.13321497161185453,0.0,0.17317082403028178,0.0,0.3579397997509051,0.0,0.1058913064156256,0.08041641612007015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176271888737438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761081516338232,0.0,0.0832313263254581,0.0,0.2687410299343033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143679085967454,0.054989396936604235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615436318029996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274639816830255,0.0,0.0,0.13122601337959433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720622963732624,0.0,0.07844793360477335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334378302908072,0.0,0.0,0.08292082183647309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375313176263701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053912515001186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462512015231076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812566970796575,0.053851992384385455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871362082542216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431450519272715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215690829575226
suicidewatch,TrafalgarBob,2018/03/28,"I have no effort to give. I have intrusive thoughts about killing myself but I wouldn’t call them invasive or instinctual. But I just don’t see the point.

We’re born without choice into this shit heap of a world and told what to do the moment we drop out of the womb. I don’t want to work for anything, I just don’t.

People say it’ll get better but fuck if I’m waiting for hat. I even got a new job recently but I can’t even tell if I like it or not, I worked myself up yesterday and burst into tears and called my mom asking me to pick me up. It was embarrassing. I go counselling which kind of helps, I know it’s not gonna solve all my problems but I want it to. I just want an answer.

People say you need to force yourself to change, that you need to find the effort. I can’t find it. I can’t push myself to go workout or get on the shower or just work through the feeling. I can’t stand there for 8 hours at a job I don’t even know I want. I need the money, I’m sick of depending on my mom, but I just can’t put in the effort.

I don’t think it’s gonna get better, I can’t see tomorrow and I can’t figure out what I want from life. I hate my life. Everyone says I’ve got so much going for me but I beg to differ. I’ve got an acting degree and commitment issues, yeah amazing life.

I just can’t see his getting better. I never asked to be born and I’d sure as hell get a refund if I could but I don’t want to hurt anyone. 

I can’t even talk to my mom about my true feelings because I’m scared I’ll hurt her feelings. That’s how much of an enigma I am. I know what I need to do to work I’m getting better but I just won’t do it, I can’t. But why? I’m lying here on my bed trying to cry, that’s all I wanna do right now but I can’t. No matter what I think about I just can’t, it’s only when I talk to someone I feel I can cry but even then it feels fake. I can’t trust my own feelings because they change all the time. I’m about two hours I’ll forget this feeling and ill be embarrassed again, resume the usual life and then just wait for the next dip.

I can’t commit to a job that I know I need. This cursed life, I jut want to cry and be normal.",-0.4897746337798914,1.1465508793456074,2.0566420433203945,98.09221735319895,85.1963190184049,4.891632235716372,16.523559116898287,5.835819416563157,-0.7376596886607407,1656,32,421,11,49,570,196,489,0.183,0.693,0.124,-0.9908,4,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,1,2,2,11,26,22,5,3,19,1,36,10,2,3,8,95,93,34,1,20,31,3,7,1,0,5,7,3,2,0,22,14,0,2,18,1,2,6,28,12,0,1,6,13,70,10,49,78,6,40,1,2,3,2,23,14,3,8,19,258,92,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732689824798556,0.0,0.05569895549170547,0.0,0.12655260284018086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252024757986802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944738937914065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822782493457647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320342734794167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054040933512538435,0.0,0.2230462531360537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071637788135643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235263908230508,0.0,0.0,0.06467588048697738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395648487104937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372565565564632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625736554702904,0.2121755901102701,0.06492958178659981,0.11540076883275473,0.0,0.162401538538605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682488579217997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536780239341896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333121043083092,0.0,0.14491630056278942,0.0,0.0,0.07064551382537011,0.20150063848623465,0.0,0.07488338061031757,0.07048347088620117,0.14879153705885995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903944698525414,0.033067452879607405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23781542364953365,0.0,0.0,0.0995124680346411,0.2509377034860329,0.05220281430733244,0.06537055677820677,0.07198372353225041,0.0,0.06631689057003573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147746258392949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384845878219228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398416553746257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476536629909828,0.0,0.06804208017601424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683073307837112,0.0,0.0,0.057802586580264374,0.0,0.16147739217938786,0.06776445335864835,0.0,0.161808451336571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694776394596311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734924752217741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379227440450969,0.0,0.0,0.1088052150373517,0.059159638953232285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673957958545299,0.0,0.053734298281466204,0.039467644869540894,0.0,0.0,0.06467588048697738,0.0,0.04595364533140329,0.0,0.06611837155648202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454542170902104,0.0,0.27945640418357665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107514927449985,0.0,0.0,0.065245886733877,0.0,0.19710182994117825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Topher_06,2018/03/28,Goodbye everyone Hard to say i already gave up,2.956666666666667,5.737758000000002,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,80.1111111111111,8.044444444444443,42.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,4.923133333333333,38,3,6,1,1,13,9,9,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843993319495725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060317374578294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743953032291024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42113940420776586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kittedups,2018/03/28,"I want to kill myself because I can’t finish school. I’m only a sophomore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I got kicked out of my irl school for being sick in the hospital and now I attend online school, but I can’t force myself to do it. I just can’t do it. I have a truancy meeting tomorrow at 11 and I’d literally rather die than explain to my mother for the millionth time that I’m a failure for reasons I don’t understand.

I don’t have the answers, mom. I don’t know why I can’t just fucking do school. 
I’m not dumb, it’s not hard, I’m not slow. I just can’t bring myself to do it. 
If I was forced I don’t think the outcome would be any better. 

My emotional state has been looking up recently but this might be just enough to completely end my life. ",0.8331936127744513,2.3851995449101837,3.2370299401197613,91.68436726546908,80.49700598802394,6.369500998003992,22.51057884231537,7.3011,0.6869124950099801,592,19,138,8,15,205,91,167,0.136,0.787,0.077,-0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,7,0,24,3,0,1,0,25,38,5,2,4,11,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,13,4,0,0,3,2,23,1,15,30,1,14,0,0,1,1,4,4,2,2,7,91,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884354537962528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756863124004052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155649504754628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781563507661085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661128230485055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004141871774568,0.14176207867893986,0.16538059845361275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796916138704275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801137733824947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433787072701286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707821202800514,0.0,0.17592514609076926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305226214768355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344067002490531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697940864082558,0.0,0.18745561284457524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217297744814263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456419025088356,0.15803595705197468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.647940729971433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255740018591378,0.0,0.0,0.09332992086486593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662390520119255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944051556076422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442561413128602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136991659606975,0.17499607272879888,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SillyPapaJoe,2018/03/28,"Depression at it's finest. I don't know what to say here, or how to even start, but I will do my best.

I have been extremely hurt in my life. I have been hurt in ways you can't even imagine. I lost half of family via cancer which is kinda ... let's say your kids can have it. After 7-8 months of loosing one close family member, I lost ""best"" childhood friend via suicide. All my life I was considered strange, freak, wierdo and all that crap. Ofc my love life sucks and blows big one. But my close people think that I'm amazing person .. ""too good for this world"". It's just ... I have been extremely hurt, and when I just got a little bit calm and little bit ok, life did found a new way to extremely hurt me again. I suffer from depression ""whole my life"". I don't remember all that stuff, but I remember me always being shy, humble, sad, introverted, not belonged to this world, here with body and mind is far away kinda guy. I really hoped that I would find something solid to hold onto. But everything in my life just felt apart. FE. at some point in life I created gaming videos ... and it helped me at some point, but that happiness didn't last long. Even if I just made videos for my friends who are gamers, didn't create them for anyone ... they did called me; ""New PewDiePie"". But that wasn't enough .. I was suicidal about 2 times in my life. Once I was on therapy in hospital .. and I would rather die then go back there again. Last time I was suicidal in time from Christmas till Valentines day ... It just hurt so much when people have time of their life, and mine continues to blow on every single level you can imagine. Since I suffer from depression, I poisoned and toxicated my body till it became unrecognizable. I had amazing plans for my life .. but that potential has been dying every second more and more. At some point, that beautiful world in my head, with mountains, with wooden house by the lake, surrounded by flowers, grass and butterflies .... It died. I lost it. It became kingdom of pain, alcohol, cigarettes, a lot of coffee, tears, sadness, sorrow and loneliness. I was created to be the most gentle person you can ever imagine, I was created to be gentle, kind, humble, caring creature. But the World did find a way to kill every trace of that creature, and make that picture in my head to be completely unimportant and useless. Since we are talking about cancer, I have got that disease .. and it means that I will go in hospital for next quite good amount of time, more then 12 years.  I just can't do it. :( When I first found out, ofc I was angry, I was hopeless, I wanted to hurt myself, I wanted to die, I wanted to throw stuff through open window ... And now when I'm trying to be not junkie anymore, my body hurts as fuck. And I'm glad it hurts ... it hurts a lot less then my emotional pain. In last 3 days, I cried more then 5 times. One day I was walking my dog in 9 PM. And I cried all over that walk. Luckily no one did noticed, and I washed my face when I got back home. Few days ago I did have my last day ... I did everything what I wanted to do for the last time, ... I eat pancakes, I had coffee, I watched the sky, I enjoyed in Sun as I never did ... I enjoyed all that small stuff, 'couse I'm aware it will be last time. Few nights before that day .. I had gaming night with my friend .... God it felt good. Shame it will never happen again. Even if my body hurts as hell now, I can't go to hospital, I can't be locked, I don't wanna go anywhere ... I just want to die in sleep and never wake up again. The only thing I regret .. I wish I did became New PewDiePie, I wish I had made 15 M € in last year, but not for myself, I promised that I will do everything just to save some people. I had amazing potential, but world keeps killing it every time more and more. I wish I could save them ... I wish I was a lot stronger in past, I wish I was patient with my wishes and not mad when I don't get them. I can't live here anymore, I can't continue to live for next 45 more years 'couse 8 - 4 work system keeps killing my every time more and more. I just don't belong here, I never was ... I wish I was born in some other time, in different circumstances, in different place .... Sry. :(",2.0952443609022566,3.991682226190477,3.2738596491228087,91.27657894736844,77.92857142857143,6.56390977443609,21.290726817042607,7.524965506658679,0.6397380952380951,3210,86,693,45,76,1036,326,840,0.222,0.616,0.162,-0.9978,3,0,3,0,0,5,184.0,1,4,5,9,39,61,9,1,12,1,79,30,10,4,10,123,125,53,11,21,27,0,2,0,3,7,17,2,2,4,44,33,2,3,14,4,0,7,23,37,0,7,45,5,114,24,84,64,35,132,1,24,1,2,26,51,4,15,70,458,158,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03446639753935213,0.04155285304504907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03235279848216535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771206577751953,0.027187080561475927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653076051055994,0.05979545662653034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03308557473796614,0.0,0.08160816646882192,0.0,0.08489777916234867,0.17275579760938053,0.0,0.0,0.03970269710728274,0.0,0.03964261844904453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076686046358062,0.0,0.0,0.03104397852832629,0.0,0.08541973208232037,0.15045338783045245,0.0,0.10046659322839667,0.0,0.2017660117109586,0.08124647647104337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978582038056677,0.0,0.043736826971936885,0.0,0.04017532560338625,0.0,0.10272433174182764,0.03517084252684606,0.1637980995645795,0.0,0.10483344883816594,0.0,0.07330866049635001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466531125601591,0.0,0.07107457898901419,0.033072865924813954,0.0,0.08526384246276153,0.09012001946390047,0.03594562659447546,0.020314152117332625,0.0,0.08838976326380894,0.09783670632332388,0.09329205747694702,0.0,0.0,0.03849912607738898,0.034383075096517744,0.04139043252847362,0.0,0.0,0.07980795284708496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026061671992617885,0.0,0.03900164712349995,0.038618431734872734,0.0,0.044864413059314816,0.4162380468531247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911991651853991,0.1290509568597192,0.040489444104170894,0.0213684376889058,0.22185717455107848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975930692969165,0.27463387389159305,0.0,0.07793961936992645,0.0686667389461864,0.03440919724783725,0.0,0.0,0.12733233607165265,0.09916782788279566,0.03509237088524208,0.07358185798532202,0.02595392438090109,0.0,0.0,0.04235371299248355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039259565748343814,0.0,0.03103510686801337,0.0,0.02858261987879421,0.0,0.1199522614537389,0.1126569451582404,0.08270253759423593,0.07297592968009127,0.0,0.0,0.04426722275429264,0.0,0.041407881473755175,0.1053893409014533,0.029571384861022964,0.08274601996200273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03711710764084358,0.08086729863784436,0.06790023087012691,0.040623238235521685,0.0,0.11026769517056928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135561375158667,0.0,0.0,0.024908696820105467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880910708290256,0.0,0.0,0.06184078586113445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432690545327964,0.0,0.038909911392181945,0.0,0.0,0.029933133405016493,0.0,0.0,0.0275207603875817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335311836640393,0.12759123832023728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03125174326055799,0.0,0.0,0.04446476278944892,0.0,0.025831361085549658,0.024913907580649854,0.0,0.0,0.2493953942468991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02639821124917121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466755776189773,0.0925877638916649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434101762062315,0.3129853106200853,0.0,0.0,0.02830643633852145,0.0,0.0,0.05524107490257648,0.0,0.0,0.07511587388924756
suicidewatch,themg26,2018/03/28,"Tired of life  Two years since that one time, where my current PE teacher called me a disappointment in class. Two years since the time where I held responsibility for being the class vice-chairman, begging the class to go down for the Taekwondo lesson. Two years since then, I felt like this

""Whose the class chairperson?"" he said
I raised my hand
""DISAPPOINTING!""

I ran out of the hall with the statement that I was a disappointing. He hated me. It's true. After all, no one loved me. I cried and cried and cried until the counsellor came to comfort me.

That was the day I will never forget. Let's fast forward to this year. Turning 15 in September, I feel worst than I had ever been.

Three weeks ago, we had the first examination for the year. And just a few days ago, I received my official results for my progress. I was pissed at myself. All Bs Cs and an F. I'm fucking sick of it. Until now, I'm still pissed at it. I was never in a good mood since the beginning of the year.

I was tired and sick of this shit. And until now, I'm still pissed at myself for my poor performance. I had high expectations of myself, I always did. And everyone else did.

They think I'm smart, I think I'm dumb, once I proved that I'm just another time waster, they felt the same too. I'm just another person wasting their time which could have been used for something else.

And it always had to be teachers to be the one to pick on me. Out of nowhere, the chemistry teacher decided to have the great idea of telling me, wait, ***shaming*** me infront of *everyone*  in class for my ""small and ugly handwriting"", where obviously there are people with uglier and smaller handwriting. 

And guess what? She saw *no potential* for me to get good grades for next year's O Levels

In front of everyone

They all hate me

I wished I didn't hesitated to use that craft knife to cut myself. I wished I had the courage to cut in front of everyone in cca. Then I could be like her.

Every other night I always feel like getting out of bed, getting the swiss army knife my dad keeps in the storage room, to do the same thing. 

I just cant help it. I'm a fucking burden 

This is only the tip of the iceberg 
",1.5167480620155054,3.9509154093023255,2.7772383720930267,91.1069428294574,83.27906976744184,5.908914728682171,21.283914728682173,7.251919499444523,0.6544147286821702,1686,53,354,25,48,542,202,430,0.188,0.7340000000000001,0.077,-0.9946,1,0,1,0,0,1,69.0,1,0,4,4,14,29,11,1,29,0,29,13,5,4,9,58,66,16,0,5,4,1,5,3,0,1,5,1,2,1,19,18,0,3,12,0,1,7,6,17,0,8,22,7,51,11,57,36,7,66,0,3,1,3,18,25,7,1,39,231,70,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030914728336785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755735548284628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597449411670448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081279120645501,0.09051732019966052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637683269971706,0.0,0.2608011851824665,0.10208003572311368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222590697508732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158843506265873,0.06668051585693613,0.3024941427450816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003310728258199,0.05653903304818068,0.15197738815055406,0.0,0.0,0.06731811194990102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463309361031645,0.12404522512600567,0.0,0.044978200499355504,0.1327610447399342,0.0,0.08725429185569446,0.08718379304223617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627260417284636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304718849551953,0.08361782743013638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934164124487194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703450116591167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092801757876428,0.05590030785326704,0.11599429419744378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142871008550078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207831918080166,0.0,0.08416837381081893,0.07426936956447211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428360599276259,0.16088592379457264,0.060191027929465714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054867071142893985,0.06910370805981249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528212863246116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123808609194233,0.26186819325177285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092734842366272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640574523570092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917356259985445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052578402528783284,0.1014219465247694,0.0,0.0,0.1845932565755016,0.18192408478738376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608372783319322,0.2319305895770442,0.0,0.0,0.13670648863434018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634829076775831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201869970468826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567537986608702
suicidewatch,abastraadterra,2018/03/28,"I'm hesitating whether or not to jump off I just opened the door, put my step on the roof of the building, but returned to the staircase a few seconds later.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I'm wanting some help even though nothing will actually help. Not a temporary distraction but an actual help.
I don't know why I ended up on the staircase of a building right now, not being able to make a perfect decision to kill myself.
Maybe I'll wait a few days then try again or maybe not. But thinking of living further for a few days is making me too painful.",4.0915517241379336,4.968460741379314,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,70.89655172413794,7.8689655172413815,30.87931034482759,8.07648339933343,2.0812103448275856,450,19,92,6,8,148,72,116,0.099,0.7509999999999999,0.151,0.7488,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,1,12,0,5,1,0,2,1,23,15,8,1,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,12,13,4,18,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,8,60,8,0,0.16584418435358564,0.0,0.3236800012357925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391155792201627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688872217542956,0.0,0.0,0.21907703930357847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33348558278051466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834820181270918,0.0,0.1822872530412314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644345319052446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214045617144303,0.0,0.4998383224698576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913196772965202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646990503661794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671921174643575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163002728073393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062662568391149,0.16294106909048187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259731487791234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781919680639696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29929716193274025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sylabull,2018/03/28,"Really just giving up now Ive had it with all this bs. Everything i want i dont het and all the things that i would pray to not happen has and will happen. Im not happy with anything. Ive been insanely depressed since i was at school. So 5 yrs old. And im 16 now and ive never been happy. Ive never felt love and i dont think i ever will. Im not happy with my body. I rarely shower or look after myself, my sleeping patterns are so fucked up and i don't do exercise or eat healthy food. I try to keep myself going but i just can anymore. Im just so fucking done with all this shit. All i want to do is go lie down on the ground somewhere until i die. I do nothing productive with my life because i have no motivation to go out and get a job or go back to school. My friends have never treated me good because im adhd and not medicated. Not saying thats the reason but it sure is the base of it.  Im done man.. i know if i kill myself nothing will change... ill just go to a reality where i didnt but i know if someone kills me itd be better. Anyone up for that? Anyone wanna kill a useless Aussie boy with no goals or intentions for life? ",-0.28746938173232905,1.607691892430278,2.6092607348384256,92.91320348236685,86.25099601593627,5.15278146672569,18.858049284344105,6.42735559955562,-0.04436443854212824,879,24,204,9,27,310,130,251,0.207,0.7,0.093,-0.9887,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,12,17,6,0,7,0,30,13,3,3,9,54,50,21,4,6,18,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,1,2,10,15,2,1,6,1,0,5,14,8,0,0,8,3,31,9,25,36,4,24,1,2,1,3,6,9,3,6,10,141,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020943748034818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424838450126403,0.11879917431652193,0.0,0.06990728494433884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532193534947875,0.0,0.10357046034915847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513209507581511,0.0,0.09436120801927884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898667013792502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316801507330517,0.0,0.08816553709104216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386836223878666,0.19912345205665447,0.0,0.0,0.08692589482031883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684287841715393,0.0,0.0,0.07634831756800782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156610735789921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027228663418507,0.0,0.06563279126575851,0.15707132474403024,0.044383296195086734,0.08149256543865584,0.24139753784037984,0.07125271568344725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502434556256572,0.2712951762805662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505687665132742,0.0,0.0843005787497584,0.07550819030257518,0.2819564808553949,0.0,0.0933734958461551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200065501107922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133729171908798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667142995639084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557901186684777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965579237059059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302520203575918,0.0,0.0891415932369188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442166930792477,0.08734358945416841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755630015859253,0.0,0.17194952626990245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720079391233397,0.07027219451631077,0.0,0.0850121684759024,0.0,0.07197855242497865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006514062382401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056437548737462526,0.05443305401782096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767602911138778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002123869254905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060346623757043076,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_low_breeze,2018/03/28,"Why should I Why should I keep living if it’s only because she’ll follow, how is that living, just staying alive simply cause i’m obligated to. “Continue your numb existence or else someone you love will die” why am I not allowed to stop trying, it’s so frustrating, i’ve tried so hard, I don’t want to anymore.",3.2614285714285742,4.810417365079367,4.870031746031747,82.5888571428572,73.76190476190476,7.5796825396825405,26.885714285714286,8.238735603445708,1.8217200000000005,246,9,48,4,5,83,49,63,0.177,0.67,0.153,-0.3931,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,0,12,12,5,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,8,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971720289316692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890755932807996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723357765841564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194680638657197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766525006415903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894317771901115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796047615065464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734562655201116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085609685527447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082923298731866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917424496892545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22539435462920784,0.0,0.17679483701941925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28714272851234635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247279790922657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5724448478626234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Romsky_,2018/03/28,"I don't know if this goes here but I need emmidiate HELP! FRIEND SUICIDAL I'm not suicidal, it's my friend.

My friend came bout half an hour ago to talk to me and two of my other friends. He was crying and started opening to us when I asked what's wrong.

He was saying that he want's to end it all. We sat down and started to talk. He said to me that he feels worthless in life. He also said that all this time he was studying was just lost time, because he did come to school just occasionally and was out of school most of the time. He also said to me and the two other friends who were listening that he hasn't been able to do anything resently and that just adds to the feeling that he is completelly worthless.

I totally locked up and couldn't say anything reasonably other than say that he is worth a lot he is an amazing person and so on. I also ofcourse hugged him and listened very coselly. I also assured that everyone of us is here to support and that he can talk to us when ever.

I am shaking even now. I need help on what to say to him. This could be the day he would do something that I would never forgive myself. Pardon my bad english like I said I am shaking and just not thinking clearly.

I am thinking talking to our schools psychologist to see if they can give me some tips. I would love if you guys would also give me help as to what to do and say. Never have I ever experienced something like this.
",3.1914663760896644,4.422188140410963,4.215130759651308,88.48235990037365,73.41780821917807,6.8159402241594025,27.31382316313823,7.1686216300943375,1.2401931506849315,1115,41,237,11,22,362,138,292,0.121,0.677,0.202,0.986,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,5,1,1,1,18,21,1,2,7,0,30,3,0,1,9,56,57,25,2,12,10,0,2,2,5,4,1,11,0,2,23,18,0,0,7,0,1,4,7,8,0,3,15,15,33,13,30,35,6,27,0,3,1,2,55,7,0,6,18,170,56,3,0.07871082706520655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977239905375876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31472509983303554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954460815511318,0.0,0.07358399812534308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572025284600454,0.04798138961146616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900242173590092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780240798374419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284419065327752,0.0,0.0864601475554275,0.05076197187280118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697144301685574,0.0,0.0,0.05198775893707907,0.14239689872074401,0.0,0.07521156833919536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959711831980512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040589486996501,0.0,0.0,0.15101319505844288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793609369315731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827462468634462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751430957051461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325741208907727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555957849118573,0.07690826853322821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592216573349941,0.06691713044502633,0.07103959450221209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672616185516466,0.121413284402516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872725817520843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092783949276815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994880845481765,0.3129700445176132,0.0,0.2389786774814773,0.06272233844583584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119088027576122,0.0,0.0,0.11142385703831356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219373905030347,0.0893201137880955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530591251275001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086943955897064,0.0,0.0,0.1376907487122777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377808182442776,0.0,0.2840383006527697,0.0,0.0,0.06494467559345972,0.04642568513026818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223655652892675,0.08605793316316569,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,braindefective,2018/03/28,"I don't control my life, it feels like leaving it is the only way to have control I don't know what I expect from posting here, I feel like my minds made up. I'm 21 and a male, I used to be on anxiety medication but I lost health insurance and can't get it back. I tried Xanax I bought off the street but it just made me black out. I feel like everything I do is for other people. I used to be okay with that, I love my friends and helping them. But lately I'm just angry all the time, and I'm not sure I love anyone anymore. I spend all my time doing stuff for them and they don't do anything for me anymore. When I've been suicidal in the past what stopped me is ""you can't hurt them like that"" but now I just feel like they'll get over their grief, and they'll be happier. And why am I living for people who don't really care about me? *I* want to die, it's my choice, it's my life to end. I'm never happy for more than like an hour, I freak out over stupid things, I hate the person I am. I know people have it worse than me, but I don't enjoy my life, so why should I keep living if I'm not happy? I've been thinking about ways to do it, once I decide I'm just gonna do it.",1.2623207547169812,2.024251486792455,3.2476886792452824,95.37794811320757,77.52830188679245,6.356603773584906,19.66509433962264,6.508806274219699,-0.16688301886792445,904,17,231,7,20,307,126,265,0.208,0.635,0.157,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,7,3,11,21,2,0,7,1,27,8,0,6,4,46,55,15,3,4,12,0,4,6,1,4,6,0,0,2,17,10,0,4,8,0,2,0,10,6,0,0,6,5,44,15,25,42,3,23,0,3,1,2,15,9,0,1,17,146,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833344297897049,0.0,0.2031006655335748,0.07159837993143585,0.0,0.08426402584388698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873699075631077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440059022790313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229693938506529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627194436023328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069337009196562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092027842446038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710004779721905,0.2926098172183577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791116866264762,0.0,0.10699643736979486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218007071925139,0.0,0.1010958617391953,0.0,0.10884324806115388,0.0,0.0,0.06863456665589902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084044219115716,0.0,0.10961813186642108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910151796647136,0.0,0.0,0.11254945279850474,0.0,0.11550830301310015,0.10842366330336012,0.0,0.0,0.21697813857360526,0.3001560815035781,0.0,0.1808368961354516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177844754852596,0.0,0.18483462375851506,0.1937810796632309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315422882442156,0.0,0.0,0.10339180398708124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897489737615909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090494885322412,0.0,0.07787755083119856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774954573794252,0.21296761006791015,0.08940913159613692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806804370493984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655981555095683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560849698113601,0.0,0.0,0.11722009404495864,0.11200572439199273,0.0,0.09650798316787863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680280326888062,0.06561187827808494,0.0,0.0,0.11941705613418913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952085768292053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687630339278046,0.0,0.0,0.060396417687302535,0.16255598269988522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479477438861852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435131533456013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TeaPT16,2018/03/28,"Planning on dying i live in a culture and a family where grades mean EVERYTHING..yes asia...so im in science class,and i am shit at the subjects,i failed bio,phys,chem,add maths,malay(my dominant language) and history(the most important subject in malaysia)...i feel inferior in my class if geniuses and i feel like i cant even think anymore..my mom uses my as a ""punching bag"" bcs she got scolded by her boss and i want to die so badly,people make fun of me for being edgy bcs i post subtle hints tht i want to go away from this world,i cant even make my own gf to be happy and that kills me slowly...im gonna eat a lot of paracetamol pills at once and hang myself with a bleeding hand maybe..so...this is goodbye",0.19088549075391006,2.529727668918924,2.2776244665718366,92.60706258890472,89.87837837837839,5.277951635846373,21.30298719772404,6.8360192770164,0.5967918918918915,557,20,119,8,19,186,106,148,0.122,0.752,0.126,-0.3277,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,2,0,6,0,6,5,2,4,0,20,18,9,3,3,1,1,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,3,15,3,18,14,3,12,0,2,0,0,5,9,1,3,1,61,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982398933665746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751874698737447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495609293724974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387721412656678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039843962210954,0.0,0.18278893693801154,0.12913043235832533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272645576078017,0.0,0.14456519339439142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241560466071453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39048988473866986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997711531623835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830709543057694,0.0,0.1596087705210692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536702759494894,0.0,0.0,0.2413089087500632,0.0,0.0,0.19689369734101728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169647172949294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924967212171731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531181091971078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311201660337927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554100796304526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158196302561974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561131048040525,0.0,0.0,0.21322635318241376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwingaway_my_life,2018/03/28,"I've mostly given up So, for the last half of my life, I've been seriously depressed, but over the last year it's kept getting worse, and for the last week I just haven't been able to bring myself to get out of bed. I've been sleeping 12-14 hours a day, avoiding eating at all, skipping classes, ditching my friends, ignoring my family, hell, I've even avoided doing things I used to enjoy, I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm closer than ever to just killing myself, it's become a constant of my life, the ringing in my ears has been replaced by suicidal thoughts, and while I don't have access to any effective ways to kill myself, I fear that one day I might just grab a knife and shove it into my stomach for lack of a better option.

 I quit my job, my hours at college are super packed together so I only go 3 days a week, I'm free of pretty much all stress and it just keeps getting worse, I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm not asking for advice, there's no advice people can give me, I'm really just begging for someone to tell me that this is okay, that other people have experienced this before, even if those people killed themselves, I don't care, I just don't want to be alone.",11.979959999999998,5.454720416000004,11.371100000000002,69.19705,60.84,13.78,42.45,8.841846274778883,3.8450800000000003,944,28,197,8,8,313,141,250,0.252,0.636,0.112,-0.9919,1,3,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,4,14,18,4,4,9,1,20,6,3,2,3,35,41,9,4,3,10,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,14,6,1,5,4,0,1,2,8,11,0,2,7,4,24,8,28,32,5,25,1,1,0,0,5,8,1,4,14,125,38,3,0.1110577610098649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170487174492325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502234713793387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552308581960625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013945681119072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382401484848702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265457167025008,0.0945019748287907,0.0,0.0,0.09822156460000557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323078896133015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001398565925288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148692048160825,0.0,0.09565388682326532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363981511352267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005781120897866,0.10045810301023307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046953731924849,0.1249708570315489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858029506655341,0.0,0.17406928916282174,0.1065367240534957,0.06311668490901304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873904742470274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020769130864573,0.09871324078145227,0.3686068739435848,0.0,0.12206888207931392,0.2715806937148432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688676193891035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781473411902275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164023281200973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525561305773028,0.0844644317023783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098040402412698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298566893282035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812359920400405,0.0,0.0,0.0711464454994167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113796559667967,0.0,0.09409888050760216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721629001179355,0.0,0.0,0.1214791651407828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706937819158556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378184161627413,0.0,0.0,0.0881674569695481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591824786626199,0.0,0.0,0.06550474485098759,0.0881524813763595,0.17816767396247396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002123553816931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635469279802575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715175569186305
suicidewatch,TastyPaper15,2018/03/28,"I am more numb by the day. I don't see it getting better. I don't know how much longer I can go before I completely give up. I haven't been going anywhere in life for a while. I built all of these relationships just to lose them in a span of a week and the worst part is that at worst I'm indifferent. The only thing that's keeping me here is my dog, parents, and boyfriend. Those will inevitably be gone and hopefully so will I.",2.4607692307692304,3.633470461538465,3.7437362637362632,91.37626373626377,75.15384615384616,6.958241758241758,23.98901098901099,7.447530270364453,0.7715670329670337,336,10,78,4,7,110,69,91,0.171,0.767,0.062,-0.8687,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,9,21,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,1,11,2,9,16,6,11,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,3,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453144596740198,0.0,0.0,0.2229753856149064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643379657771932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259343181830346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171977400568585,0.24185185019925576,0.28656572950418924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25040725653674845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224091552788604,0.0,0.0,0.1385559075751783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780764050321418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282052393841695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533366340763388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174495240712805,0.0,0.0,0.27994406758718804,0.2730161676108163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706773479968211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090315413932716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674941205911694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022315871655912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,damnjustkillmealrdy,2018/03/28,"I'm on a never ending guilt trip of a life, it's so frustrating. I've never told anyone my problems, ever. Guys don't do that. So to suppress my emotions I decided to eat. Instead of telling my parents or doctors about my emotional struggles I nod my head and agree whenever they tell me I need to lose weight. I've convinced my family that I'm fine, and that I just eat because I'm lazy. 

Truth is, I'm reaching 600 pounds at age 22 and totally wanna kill myself. I want to get better, but at the same time I don't.

If I kill myself suddenly I know my parents would be heartbroken. If I don't kill myself and ask for help, I would feel ashamed, they would still feel guilty, and I would feel like a bigger burden than I already am. Which would make me want to kill myself even more. 

Sorry for posting this, I'm having an episode. Probably not gonna kill myself, just airing it out. God I really hope there is no afterlife. Last thing I wanna do is die and have to confront my family like they do in anime. ",2.542583120204604,4.0957135169082175,4.208098891730607,86.58023017902815,75.66666666666666,7.189428815004263,24.736857061665248,7.928766900206844,1.35259670360898,786,26,162,12,17,264,121,207,0.284,0.586,0.131,-0.9939,2,0,0,0,0,5,25.0,0,0,3,2,10,20,7,3,5,0,18,6,1,1,5,39,36,12,6,14,7,2,4,2,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,7,3,1,5,0,0,1,7,13,0,0,1,4,32,7,19,28,3,18,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,4,11,108,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235651077092973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119212908527027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518423529750954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062066101258859536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004799640834449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566895491603984,0.0,0.0,0.10421301160521984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836641535614145,0.0,0.229058638681374,0.09017877383466552,0.0,0.0,0.06724852149006638,0.09209841989275393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196616603695665,0.0,0.15444371804010434,0.07273738560486763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053194668567843065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081386808612808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449261126573108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824513255408181,0.0,0.0,0.1011262820560275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5632217085954992,0.0,0.05595542231389003,0.08299364615703582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719156665500266,0.0994843296761501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390608374812465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679629844998019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549528931868821,0.15705358400242056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610928397419686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751160338080003,0.0,0.1097748910139113,0.09742418135370774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522595007407964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397469948762247,0.0,0.0,0.08131040573372254,0.0,0.0,0.10644021157059703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798337980772974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067642040074598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936974051249086,0.0,0.0,0.09728957110618147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010745406250467,0.0,0.0,0.12398448394132955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616358996675413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheKittieMuffin,2018/03/28,"I'm going to kill myself later today I'm a worthless human being and the only good thing i can do is ask that my body be turned into fertiliser. I'm failing in all of my subjects, I'm really lonely and i think I'm transgender. Not to mention the extreme social anxiety that i get from simply walking into a shop to buy something.

I want all of my stuff to be donated to charities.",3.1586497890295355,4.429465898734178,5.975379746835443,75.67336497890295,73.55696202531647,8.30464135021097,28.356540084388186,8.841846274778883,2.5310236286919827,302,12,54,6,6,110,53,79,0.18600000000000005,0.725,0.08900000000000001,-0.8399,0,2,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,4,0,6,1,1,0,2,9,17,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,11,14,2,7,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699083022515536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651736738089554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150702714828222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481949783711062,0.0,0.16120435373636618,0.23791145689535265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138157682738314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572796711233752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171291448381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891445967823605,0.0,0.21836698041416075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247104245464465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844389740013015,0.18175092781273028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688662364717409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085288330458218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730362305294494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClumsyPaws,2018/03/28,"A combination of autism, depression and a lazy, toxic personality. I'm done, checking out at the end of 2018. m a 28 year old autistic adult. I can't stand being so disconnected from people. I have difficulty communicating verbally, can barley understand humorous tones of voice and sarcasm, and I have an awful attention span/short term memory. I feel intimidated talking to anyone. I feel smaller than everyone. Even some 19 year stoner who lives with his mother that I work with. I have aspirations in life, but no drive. No motivation, I just don't care. I don't want to put the effort in. I don't care if I live or die. I really don't. I've been sitting here watching youtube videos for 6 hours because it's the only thing I can think of that would make me content. Not happy, but not miserable. My life isn't even that bad. I can function for the most part as an adult. I have a part time job, a car and my own home. Between my job and disability for my autism I make almost $2300 a month. I have a full year's worth of living expenses in my savings account.

And it doesn't mean shit. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful, but it doesn't make me feel secure or happy. I feel the same as when I was living paycheck to paycheck, riding a bike everywhere and living in a run down trailer infested with ants and mice.

I'm a very angry, rage filled person. Usually I present a calm, somewhat emotionless demeanour. But I'm very much a closet rager. I get extremely angry with myself over my past 'autistic moments'. Cringe worthy stuff I've done or said. Blunders in verbal communications. Mis pronouncing of words. Clumsy behaviour. A perfect example is running into (figuratively) someone at the grocery store and not being able to remember her name. This is someone I've known for over 20 years. I actually had to ask her her name. So embarrassing. I remembered this today. it happened 17 fucking months ago. I slammed my head into the support beam in the basement (I was down there putting wood in the stove) half a dozen times. I cut my scalp and didn't even realise it until I went to the bathroom to wipe the tears from my eyes and there was blood dripping down my face. 9 hours later I feel like a massive idiot and realise what a massive over reaction that was. I only have that type of freakout maybe once or twice a year.

I also cry constantly, like if a week goes by without me crying about something, it's a fucking miracle. if I work more than 3 days a week at work, the sensory overload of constant social interaction+bright lights+constant noise will make me on the verge of tears at all times. I have spent my entire lunch break rocking back and forth and crying in the bathroom. fucking ridiculous, a grown man who is almost 30, with a beard, an AC/DC T-shirt and big black boots crying like a child.

Every day for the last 10 years I've thought about killing myself. it's always in the back of my mind, and it's always my first reaction when faced with any kind of problem in my life that might take more then 11 minutes worth of effort. As time goes on it's become more of a good idea. 5 years ago the through would repulse me, or my initial thought would be ""I'll do it if I have no other choice"". Now the thought of ending my life sounds really nice. It feels comforting, knowing that I could cease to exist. It feels nice.

I don't really see the point in continuing on. I have no fight left. No drive, no ambition. I just don't care what happens to me. if I live or die. If I get into a fatal car accident on my way to work tomorrow, I would be happy. I really would.

this is just a giant dump of shit. Everything that's bugging me, everything I hate about my life and about myself. I've been working at this for 12 hours. Every time I come upstairs to the computer room I add a new paragraph to this shit. I don't think I've ever put anything this in depth or personal about myself on the internet. I feel like chris chan. don't call anybody",3.1675216627858163,5.0858815562659885,4.443781730732528,83.99135263579801,74.86956521739131,7.379654158873152,26.50540138183761,8.21005641190726,1.7527517043936325,3115,116,612,53,67,1026,367,782,0.16899999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.119,-0.9924,2,0,1,0,1,1,102.0,0,0,0,10,23,42,14,2,51,1,52,18,9,5,3,103,97,44,4,14,24,1,8,4,0,7,5,3,4,7,33,29,1,1,23,3,7,14,24,21,0,4,16,15,80,21,88,69,14,106,0,2,4,3,22,40,6,19,52,383,113,10,0.05422350381417778,0.0,0.05291431788817681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613172894452278,0.0,0.10859401300200207,0.0,0.0,0.04336251640978562,0.09023659785544123,0.0,0.0,0.03687384199681585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791433462613388,0.0,0.04462132349712029,0.0,0.0506916564312882,0.0,0.0,0.08338905483192012,0.045274360767571034,0.0330541446407562,0.05988559983842445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055368259945445066,0.0,0.16585342783693435,0.0,0.0,0.046708747258763714,0.0,0.11719268874097195,0.0,0.04329305558895879,0.0,0.23824789120115664,0.06993934832319239,0.0,0.04670262438067285,0.0,0.1125508723438224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097894080064198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960518599815092,0.0,0.0,0.10744233862566126,0.049048263554102994,0.09137128120797564,0.05181288159165337,0.09746517775294694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21933626209954432,0.07747456391843392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612248464424985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503862665909223,0.08498862825096101,0.0,0.0,0.04548010238261879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589933069401213,0.17316578427644594,0.0,0.05353448408983223,0.055648958394575516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054390595439883914,0.0,0.16019768629167788,0.0,0.0,0.0612117356986383,0.0,0.0,0.10761692142335308,0.0,0.05999027308992458,0.05646543508488945,0.02979981962913943,0.044199392723202766,0.0,0.0,0.05891399554993506,0.0,0.19149832161736227,0.10596346011454187,0.0,0.2872820837313643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477843939348492,0.0,0.05447479771561163,0.05906529181848569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057522568677588565,0.054750281468934736,0.0,0.08656136684414971,0.0,0.039860514339733095,0.0,0.0,0.05236939787177182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689844587785516,0.057746261898376276,0.0,0.08247883611068739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174375411777639,0.051762469907978115,0.03759175016890552,0.1420376160974957,0.0,0.0,0.051258737689714486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188457010602137,0.0,0.1635287938964883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894786006212154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284931916223453,0.0,0.0515789691847149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043209112199194814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697894235769786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055274033611702286,0.09188679763966423,0.04174390235686603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207293900760636,0.0,0.06153218955073725,0.0,0.0,0.04076932666994988,0.04358279841601702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03602368653859076,0.06948846359000542,0.0,0.12914221561291842,0.15809080563956912,0.0,0.051397541427955634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644857976512883,0.0,0.0,0.059719528812399836,0.08948013878281716,0.03198242743214285,0.04304009343134226,0.08698964809680652,0.0,0.0,0.05026573127778127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226952270662142,0.0,0.19737678287767496,0.0,0.0,0.1925941068063239,0.059284889272569925,0.0,0.2444271106824764
suicidewatch,freethrowitallaway,2018/03/28,Cease to exist. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve lost the love of my life she abandoned me for someone else. I lost several friends in the process. The only thing remotely keeping me here is I don’t want to hurt my mom. I think she’d be okay in time though. I don’t know what to do. I can’t see myself loving anyone more than her and she just threw me away. ,-0.4908974358974376,1.5155229871794909,1.5566666666666649,99.33833333333335,88.35897435897436,4.4923076923076914,18.923076923076927,5.82211442006289,-0.4083692307692308,275,8,67,2,9,91,54,78,0.133,0.6920000000000001,0.175,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,3,1,9,3,0,0,0,7,19,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,16,4,9,14,1,5,0,4,1,2,8,3,0,0,1,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390132798223785,0.15081180072429842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264293409393386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017694284177604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663751232780175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23089499894606114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917105268530584,0.0,0.0,0.11853470471909695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234452617237007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708907931465169,0.0,0.3893278377515494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526073868371789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403798086071592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187283075692208,0.0,0.0,0.2436623891780887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827489991776764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329137222594912,0.13820208671616846,0.21190918387349428,0.0,0.12576751939106706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721646100709896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vindursverath,2018/03/28,"I lived enough to reach this conclusion Some say life has its highs and lows. Mine has its lows, and its even lowers. I'm 34 and living to me is really a pain I can't take anymore. I came to this life to serve or be attacked and there is nothing i can do to show whoever sent me to this wheel of suffering a big and deserved middle finger but to off myself, cause either way im getting used. There is no other option. 

All my relationships were about serving and giving. I read diary entries from 20 years ago and realize nothing got any better, what to expect for the next 20 when I will be over 50? Its clear that it is over. If there was meant to exist a happy period of life, it would already have happened. No more illusion. I just want to plan things so i won't die leaving work for people to do/funeral bills to pay, but then I'm out. I know more worthless jobs, worthless relationships, worthless friends, etc are coming my way.. Enough is enough.",2.6084323991376657,4.561839649214658,3.8043301509085294,87.79871573760396,76.59162303664922,6.58835848475516,23.277178934400983,7.5105763829236425,0.9932793963658756,747,23,151,10,17,243,125,191,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.7463,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,1,0,4,0,19,5,1,2,2,29,33,14,1,4,6,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,13,10,0,0,4,2,2,3,4,8,0,0,6,2,15,3,22,22,9,20,0,6,0,0,6,9,0,4,6,103,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762547256810547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643143721254373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023666042207892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159706936608676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095889943550306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735730703730138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517669057254073,0.0,0.13631357749092482,0.0,0.11430437233781425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771571252020973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113259867916539,0.14798919792459028,0.08764332021920414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025192712717278,0.0,0.06932728434683243,0.12729244424491315,0.0,0.0,0.10612773726494716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734111323804397,0.14125552809519154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019879183962494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333259244189842,0.0,0.13167859745923993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292530582373437,0.0,0.0,0.14050408257572958,0.0,0.0,0.28117768179420244,0.0,0.0,0.23434295995205226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112187175924928,0.0,0.0,0.2546474801590792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119606915761546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199350572029018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273018857620153,0.0,0.0850073533555502,0.0,0.0,0.2849279937272303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552381711192448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997695842671006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815618317220462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460525304358925,0.0,0.0,0.07826652410988982,0.21065308550348275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660301594432794,0.0,0.0,0.09426220905690584,0.0,0.0,0.08545076552218676
suicidewatch,tirefire659,2018/03/28,"what if i'm just too weak? life is a struggle. life is pain. life is unfair. i know this. how do we make ourselves happy? WILL. we will ourselves to go out there and find our place.  if you can't find it, then well you're just too weak. do more things. be yourself. tommorrow is another day. jesus loves you. who you are as a person is not just how big your collection of green paper with pictures of dead presidents on them is, or the number of likes on your fucking stupid vanity media page is, there are people who love you. who would care if you died. how fucking selfish would it be of you to kill yourself? they've done nothing but love you. you're gonna go and hurt them cuz you're too weak to carve out your own piece of happiness in this random, chaotic, pointless piece of mutant shit called sentient life. or maybe they would be better off without you? they'd be sad at first, but after awhile they'd readjust and go on. your stupid, toxic, unhealthy bullshit wouldn't be a tumor in the back of their mind anymore. they'd be happier. fuck, it's the right thing to do then! or maybe you're just in a bad place. this is all in your head. this is all in your head. this is all in your head. you're not a born loser, too weak and stupid to function correctly and find a real reason to live. to find the right equation,  to get the right chemicals in your brain working that create ""happiness."" you know there are kids starving and dying in africa right now, right? there are people born without limbs, and people born with down syndrome and a plethora of people born unluckier than you. you got lucky, you dumb piece of shit. so fucking ungrateful and entitled. no wonder you wanna die, you can't even appreciate the good things in your life.                                                                                             they were right about you.                                                                                            just needed to get these thoughts out of my head. i need help but i don't think i can get any that will actually help me. or maybe that's just my mental illness talking lol.                                                      ",1.773398716999754,4.209835935233167,2.4538712065136927,93.83879101899828,82.13471502590673,5.230594621268196,20.330372563533185,6.5431188927421005,0.17296886257093513,1525,43,317,15,42,473,182,386,0.233,0.635,0.132,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,1,55.0,3,24,8,4,23,34,11,1,13,1,39,25,7,6,4,66,64,27,5,10,20,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,0,2,19,16,0,0,10,0,0,3,9,22,1,1,4,1,42,12,46,43,9,41,1,3,1,7,47,27,7,10,12,212,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.07132498082684276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970348628499609,0.07664089848268918,0.0,0.0,0.0724853191794604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620144957386102,0.061026826813090164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464187918179386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159225103880273,0.07463273149188437,0.0,0.07451979623318976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713679470210262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756663410834405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479611512253627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048275041918781736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721056029278223,0.06217004138444196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702809122195307,0.1145590177182254,0.0,0.12461564230397752,0.06130415282491888,0.058456491063972424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334159587861269,0.0,0.0,0.30004437732069783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798093881626137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824401023324265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086289776952768,0.0,0.08033634934814714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581269997015839,0.03570792397337291,0.0,0.06453952330173053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978988596125988,0.0,0.04878792652918163,0.0,0.22028521150871494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365720290798028,0.0,0.07379973761144452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839013782834116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701315157187419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777256886552249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268471499232865,0.06381908620809522,0.15272631092895742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831920530782763,0.0,0.07514836037918518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745091056006773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005100493868914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640919921449263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058746713280360366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567259983056216,0.04683291338761948,0.0,0.05802503884356992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571639677600055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091167962352236,0.0792626362289594,0.05321015489291467,0.0,0.0,0.15576242714896607,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rjmzlkv,2018/03/28,"I need help. I just really need someone to talk to.
If it's not too much hassle, could someone slide into my dm's?",-0.6841333333333317,1.3457979200000023,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,89.8,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.28606666666666625,88,2,20,1,3,31,20,25,0.0,0.8809999999999999,0.119,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867183927571705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407024183279137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398558499708075,0.5325478325351098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005368050424715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6085418221569682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886372824395205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chknfngrsandlipo,2018/03/28,contemplating no one to talk to and feeling like it’d be better to just end things... now i’m here. not sure what to do.,-0.4305128205128206,1.5909056923076967,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,88.23076923076924,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.5767025641025643,92,2,23,1,3,31,23,26,0.138,0.632,0.23,0.4094,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39527753565487095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958516003854291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598367796151225,0.31929033047542466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183497814451168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30285460626489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212307862000945,0.0,0.0,0.3592292852127403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29692364043401903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blakeneggsandcheese2,2018/03/28,"Does anyone have any advice Where to start...

I have a different problem from a lot of people here. That being that I don't get attached to people. I don't care about them. I feel like I am incapable of it. I feel like if everyone I've ever talked to vanished from my life, I wouldn't really mind. This includes my family. Not that any of my ""friends,"" if you can indeed call them that, are mean, rude, assholes, etc. They are wonderful people, and I wish nothing but the best for them, but I don't feel attached to them. At all. If I moved 10,000 miles away and never talked to any of them again, I wouldn't mind. This in itself doesn't seem like it would cause problems, but that's where you'd be wrong.

The problems start when you realize that you don't care for anyone, except you've spent every day of the last 5 years with the same people. And despite spending everyday of 5 years with the same people, you do not feel a single thing for any of them beyond basic human empathy, sympathy, etc. You then begin to realize that your entire life is a lie, every single day of the past 5 years amounts to quite literally nothing, and everything you thought you knew about yourself was wrong. 

That's not everything, however. Despite my lack of feeling, I would consider myself very sympathetic. I hate seeing others in pain, and knowing that I cause such pain makes me feel twice as bad. So when I hurt someone, emotionally or physically, I just end up hating myself. Add lifelong anger issues on top of that, and hooray! You have the perfect recipe for self hatred! Add in a fight (like, punches thrown fight) with one of my best ""friends,"" then the fact that I don't feel any worse about it than I would feel fighting some random guy on the street, and congratulations! You have the perfect recipe for an existential crisis that drives you to abandon all of your ""friends"" in an attempt to not only stop hurting them and being a burden, but also to get away from a socially exhausting situation that arises from staying with complete acquaintances for 5 years on end! Wonderful, isn't it?

So, to recap, I've abandoned my ""friends"" to prevent myself from hurting them, to stop being a burden on all of their lives, and to escape a situation that just grows more and more draining for me as time goes on. Problems solved, right? Wrong. Because apparently, while you may not care for them, they care about you! Hahahahaha, well isn't that dandy! That's what happens after spending 5 years with someone, after all. That is of course, unless you're a heartless freak who can't care about anyone. Good thing I don't know anyone like that! But regardless, I'm going to assume that when someone you care about and have spent 5 years with abandons you, you are gonna be sad, and hurt. I wouldn't know. But, from what I've gathered from my ""friends,"" they are very hurt from me just ditching them. And keep in mind, I really hate hurting people.

So, I've ended up in a situation where if I stay, everyone gets hurt or exhausted, but if I go, everyone gets hurt or exhausted. And I really don't like hurting or exhausting people. I am already in enough self hatred for a lifetime. I can't turn to my mom, she wouldn't believe me, nor my dad or brother, as they wouldn't know how to react. My relationship with my family (that I don't feel anything for, mind you) is built off me being the silly one, the one who always cracks a joke to brighten the day. So they wouldn't believe me or know what to do if I acted serious for once. And I can't turn to my ""friends,"" because that would just burden them, waste their time, and just make me feel worse. So I turned to the one place where no one knows me, judges me based on my previous actions, or has a stake in helping other than the kindness of their heart. Here. I don't want to keep hurting people. I don't want to keep hurting. I want the cycle of pain to end. And most importantly, I want to care about some one. I'm not asking for you guys to solve all my problems, I'm asking if you have insight. And before any of you say, ""Try to work on your anger issues,"" trust me, I have. For 2 years. And therapy. Nothing's changed. So right now, the only solution I see to the first 3 problems is to kill myself. And I have no idea how to solve the last one.",4.567931853550661,5.554823802850359,5.13704480301417,84.08931116389552,69.87885985748217,7.94466377262675,27.462609550331717,8.16106018226119,1.6673065115898105,3350,109,669,45,58,1075,299,842,0.233,0.639,0.127,-0.999,3,0,0,0,4,1,140.0,0,23,19,9,36,77,11,0,35,0,57,10,1,7,10,151,122,61,1,30,34,3,10,6,6,12,9,1,0,5,37,29,0,9,27,1,4,7,32,48,1,9,5,13,108,29,113,98,22,79,0,15,2,0,72,32,0,24,44,461,145,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038118799184782684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430470128855926,0.031195201571656974,0.03245831990744187,0.0,0.0,0.15916330910433726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910301421995794,0.0,0.03210079340719845,0.0,0.07293563987067672,0.0,0.07329981743418812,0.0,0.03257059154098292,0.047558619297029515,0.0,0.033193486175808765,0.08789877587327816,0.08187433849856893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039832190856900485,0.0,0.27840341372878263,0.08014525348427577,0.04126597703599301,0.0,0.040899825073196616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547205222527012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040755734408930704,0.0,0.0,0.03413673058568435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043879478381882005,0.13820033436895113,0.040306360871354016,0.08700990758892363,0.0,0.035285555244314835,0.06573293644231669,0.11182330402498976,0.07011691474469918,0.0,0.07354776297599955,0.0,0.1972394441868975,0.055735571599953584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03318073591177318,0.0,0.0,0.18082790726351972,0.0,0.08152163386252938,0.0,0.04433902702638391,0.03271860304226296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724938855386418,0.034495218442991284,0.0,0.0,0.11553889122358035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046225435491112736,0.02614667436962296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593552072115397,0.044036015244703214,0.0,0.08142978712738334,0.0,0.10401803557601952,0.04315728920558275,0.04062150389655273,0.12862879607977354,0.06359450878335016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510592316214839,0.1143459295442574,0.0,0.034445350700415565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03316375741777338,0.0,0.0,0.05207715065967055,0.0,0.0,0.042491853257635055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755045674821053,0.0456864568717445,0.0,0.04146001923028224,0.0,0.0,0.030085874008958218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228954896939862,0.0,0.0,0.04154293682833912,0.1850328852224076,0.059335668934746524,0.12452385479766835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03723816826880017,0.2163494780364248,0.0,0.040755734408930704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395604640936093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04149049863051479,0.0,0.0,0.07496981600928435,0.0,0.0,0.04188068918438318,0.0,0.06662634420464439,0.0,0.031021242442362693,0.0,0.0,0.06216968369861672,0.03551200791689143,0.08138905430143795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315420636583652,0.0,0.03976440398201789,0.09915570214104938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522104341289702,0.08315605662991668,0.0,0.06522595254547961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270734699971094,0.0,0.0,0.04460978842445578,0.0,0.0518312245675818,0.0,0.0,0.030968509064249774,0.0454925124911715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02648431127780702,0.12729062165290014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437243954227476,0.09203324466395008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507345914431788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485801986247245,0.0,0.08460642913588931,0.0283987602068442,0.0,0.07950628946996001,0.11084249680640172,0.12794949814724044,0.0,0.17584203175064894
suicidewatch,ISuckAtLife-,2018/03/28,"Why shouldn't I kill myself? I just turn 20 a few days ago and realized I'm a failure, still live with my parents, no job, and not going to university. I don't really have any desire to do anything with my life. So if I can either kill myself and not have to worry about anything, or be miserable working so I can barely afford to stay alive, why shouldn't I choose the former? I searched the internet for reasons to not kill yourself and most of them just said 'life gets better' I can't really disprove that and I don't think life is absent of good, it just requires more effort than I'm willing to apply. I guess it kind of sucks to wonder how my view would be different if I grew up rich or had successful parents. Ultimately, suicide seems easier than being miserable working, so why shouldn't I take the easy path?  ",4.634789356984476,5.447265317073171,5.766008869179604,80.27788248337029,69.60975609756098,8.646563192904656,28.323725055432373,8.841846274778883,2.163165853658536,648,22,125,11,11,216,98,164,0.119,0.684,0.197,0.934,5,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,6,9,11,4,2,5,0,18,3,0,2,0,33,30,13,4,7,11,2,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,6,0,1,2,10,6,0,0,2,2,18,5,17,20,4,8,0,2,1,0,4,1,1,8,4,86,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208887993321172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274012929341466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445110605635069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061319398632445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795102239075228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248354472403854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712506567044166,0.0,0.07750543367646652,0.11438543820863642,0.0,0.0,0.15023317105348946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533180523774607,0.0,0.4526384055548604,0.14201426992158167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28897849767539274,0.0,0.0,0.12042221145651592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028580758911981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473148727378587,0.14021689782065758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972448792899235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415128427076152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535831442786015,0.10890978290505783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917284376491335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253752855216727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738402006352264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833756317783672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691734796335534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789359220923642,0.19856621791864776,0.1384961084949134,0.0,0.0968773602051587,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Gun209,2018/03/28,So much for finding true love I'm kind of lonely with no friends in real life and I feel kind of miserable for it. Feeling the pressure of committing suicide but I can't for some reason just the feeling of self-loathing and self rejection really got my mind thinking about my non-existent future. Finding true love on the Internet and real life is kind of hard and depressing and I wish I had someone to talk to about my feelings I feel numb and cold it's sad to think about it but it's just a lonely world out there cold and depressing and yes I have autism.,2.3796379726468224,4.630285982300887,3.453531777956556,88.5993322606597,78.55752212389379,6.940949316170556,26.201930812550287,8.00094639256281,1.6741044247787618,448,18,90,8,11,144,67,113,0.247,0.557,0.195,-0.8086,0,4,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,17,0,2,4,1,4,5,0,1,3,32,16,11,1,1,4,0,6,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,2,8,9,8,18,14,2,5,0,7,0,2,5,4,0,1,1,56,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24904872329689365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655135603525783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642823736817282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170019341629167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563180885189485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295130137431737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516655553552237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423868313506924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26097361975523903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598202864191295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628107454252902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291216220630344,0.09262002835012914,0.14864971681912567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016516613508497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225000197712053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581442845149807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620589257192553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527880788767145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625695350025904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puriuh,2018/03/28,"During times when I am seriously considering killing myself I purposely try to make people hate me The one thing that keeps me from attempting suicide is leaving my loved ones behind to suffer because of it. I know they love me and would be devastated, and I can’t handle the thought of that guilt. In fact the overwhelming guilt makes me want to die even more, which isn’t helpful haha. 

Anyway, I often wish that people didn’t love me. I wish I didn’t have family or friends. I wish nobody would notice if I died. That would make it so much easier. I don’t want to make people sad. 

So when I am feeling especially suicidal, I subconsciously (well, now it’s consciously) do and say things to make them angry at me. I start arguments. I become a terrible friend. I become a toxic person in general. In hopes that they will leave me and then I won’t have to leave them when I die. 

I know logically that this will never pan out. I know logically I am extremely fortunate to have people who care for me. But my brain is not logical 99% of the time. ",3.423095374071959,5.21984533009709,5.060154197601374,80.36665619645919,73.85436893203884,8.73055396916048,24.7390062821245,9.325443323948027,2.1110220445459733,822,26,161,20,17,278,117,206,0.229,0.5720000000000001,0.199,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,4,1,10,18,2,3,6,1,21,4,1,5,2,37,44,13,6,10,4,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,14,5,0,1,9,0,0,0,8,9,1,2,3,2,35,9,18,34,2,14,0,3,0,3,13,5,0,4,9,118,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061451994438103424,0.22267038449730428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253575083130524,0.0,0.0,0.10278109886819638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138702720844948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658313773153815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950333880197058,0.0,0.05097186338168103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576896772394686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952763425857156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756988792722708,0.0,0.0,0.1001256981896541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960332656362104,0.11152979356533764,0.0,0.1662053309812527,0.0,0.0,0.32022529470306377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729511255250407,0.0,0.3364526577930149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410592929048129,0.0,0.07774981652503349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147712733551556,0.0,0.0,0.13662104939876138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795519953585229,0.08802219196502241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016705472987512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135285470508956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053652009834196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394552537172028,0.0,0.0,0.08003077780231091,0.1175646251260046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844243055821643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891906289135942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906390491616434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477747875576153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483463769346445,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aindependentvariable,2018/03/28,"This weekend I turn 40 and I think I'm going to end my life. I smile, I laugh, I feel good sometimes, and I knit all that together giving the impression of happiness to some, but I cannot remember the last time I was happy.  Nothing I think, do, or say seems to make a difference in the world.  I scream in silence.  I moved 12 hours away from friends and family 3 years ago, and have grown so isolated to society.  I loathe interacting with people in a store, on the street, and almost everything in today's society frustrates me.  I can't see myself ever dating or even being sexual with someone again, I have such little patience with others.  Being normal at work drains me to the point that simple choirs like taking my dog for a walk have become increasingly difficult to muster.  I am nothing.  I'm just taking up space in a world I no longer feel a part of.  Living just seems utterly pointless and meaningless.  The only hesitation I have is my dog.  But he turns 12 this weekend...his age is really starting to show lately.  I know soon he'll be gone and then, I really have nothing.  I don't wanna see him go.  I mean I get it, that's the reality....but I simply don't have the emotional strength to get through something like that.  Call me a coward, I just don't want to go through that.  One of my closest friends onces said that he had no respect for people who committed suicide, it was such a lame, cowardly, easy way out.  That makes me feel like a total piece of shit that someone I respect and love thinks that way about something that has chased me since I was like 17 and is lately, consuming my thoughts every day.  Maybe I am a coward.  Isn't that reason enough to get out of the game?  I'm never married, no kids, doesn't that say a lot about what others see in me?

I'm obviously fucked up in the head and it really seems like the best thing to do.  It's rather pathetic that a grown man who otherwise has no drama and has really nothing to complain about in life, can't be happy, can't fix whatever is wrong in my head.  Then comes on some forum because I'm too ashamed to be this real with my parents or friends.  I really see no other option that to talk myself through with this.

The most depressing part of me is that I never achieved or became anything I ever really wanted to have or be.  I cannot think of a better reason to clean the gene pool than that.",3.9490835913312665,5.043735126315788,5.161266253869968,82.94201083591331,71.42105263157895,8.367182662538701,26.60216718266254,8.757208317658263,1.8825876160990718,1855,60,372,33,34,616,224,475,0.177,0.662,0.161,-0.8828,1,1,2,0,0,2,56.0,0,0,0,5,16,30,3,1,25,0,39,7,3,4,8,67,83,21,1,5,11,1,3,5,3,1,2,5,1,2,31,19,0,0,16,6,1,10,17,10,0,1,7,12,48,20,56,69,12,58,0,2,4,2,22,24,2,14,27,251,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664807522463705,0.0,0.07509915563873326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171654634504984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046261321918477,0.0,0.0,0.045717775487965184,0.08282883850515446,0.0,0.0,0.0787052416792308,0.06632918774401254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765808253354107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460369928518032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048367178445630966,0.0,0.06459523062356648,0.0,0.0,0.0783564175367475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436208497403544,0.06642551815456149,0.07749245811972352,0.0,0.049535136653063055,0.1356790517868155,0.06318862226982733,0.0,0.06740291063090577,0.0,0.07070096157288655,0.0,0.11376295729347427,0.053578223816502575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382863061267506,0.06933397356771709,0.11754928368700568,0.07194442890574736,0.12786841036869528,0.06290433869931379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395086768630673,0.0,0.0,0.1539381287080926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385742327901558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412166606697491,0.0611329663854692,0.16920087699947509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594589415851756,0.18319993347639646,0.07516719029879061,0.06622416012923159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376018641305688,0.06768816531799851,0.0,0.10012281757138658,0.0,0.0753450618305782,0.08169425588944533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971046590139977,0.0,0.0,0.1156853797382355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348161943422266,0.28784846800621794,0.0,0.0,0.07986988214131582,0.05082024204791245,0.05703897276421574,0.0,0.0,0.08327584036061329,0.16242995242429134,0.0,0.10398763683647884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089687199484747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085363565807242,0.28827188571478113,0.15421982675434232,0.0,0.0,0.08495753941524359,0.0,0.0713397898725212,0.119282032851299,0.0,0.0,0.2390531671022412,0.2048247021131695,0.0,0.0,0.07698384858031189,0.06203870101788956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709026448739325,0.11547346795291814,0.07417443802548032,0.0,0.05308361138902298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203508449923863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127775620122438,0.06028014382994866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049825001715199366,0.192221460391046,0.0,0.059539631954152065,0.043731641145114866,0.0,0.07108885391453612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315147211220765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884709287016295,0.1190590378217776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545990679487264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199798503484193,0.0,0.04829592645125382
suicidewatch,pipboy1967,2018/03/28,My dogs... It would be ten times easier to just end it all if I could just not have to think about my husband telling my dogs that I’m not coming home again. I’m so unhappy but they keep me hanging around. I cry every night holding them thinking how they would feel if I just finally did it. ,2.197377049180332,3.6547661147540964,3.289311475409839,93.20937704918032,76.37704918032787,6.847213114754098,23.67540983606557,7.554174236665415,0.8172990163934428,227,7,52,3,5,73,44,61,0.105,0.8640000000000001,0.031,-0.6765,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,20,13,5,0,5,8,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,10,0,4,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989577189402156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213455087709225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515914266688765,0.0,0.2960129015824662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868072562718465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270498843479293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625800219889464,0.0,0.0,0.2952039384581869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703120332992047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395276424664131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25289024167699115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553881049643194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345345877020467,0.0,0.0,0.15713689755639315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828640167751231,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bIuestar,2018/03/28,"Don't know what to do i'm so tired of being alive and it's spring break and i should be happy but i can't see any of my friends because they're all busy and i think they're just saying that because they hate me and don't want to be around me, and i have free time but i feel like the more time i have the more i'm spiraling. I'm taking meds and therapy (haven't been in a while since i had to cancel my last appt when my grandma died how fucked up is that aha) and i work out almost every day and i eat healthy i don't know what i'm doing wrong? i just want everything to end i think about dying every day i wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up but i can't. everyone says it gets better but it's been years and it's only gotten worse, my parents still refuse to accept me as trans (i'm non-binary please don't make fun of me) and i still have these hallucinations and what i've been told are delusions because i have schizoaffective disorder or w/e according to the psychiatrist in the hospital. i'm trying really really hard to fix things and feel better but i don't know how and i just want to die please how do i make the pain go away",0.7722619047619048,2.544156861111116,2.7399206349206366,94.12035714285715,81.57936507936508,6.2634920634920634,17.642857142857142,7.333567415737692,0.0023857142857148803,907,18,216,13,24,304,127,252,0.2,0.655,0.145,-0.9458,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,3,13,12,2,0,6,0,26,6,2,5,2,49,54,27,3,6,10,1,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,11,16,1,1,8,0,1,2,9,4,0,0,6,6,29,9,21,43,3,23,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,2,14,129,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145198063276444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777197153499907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180890015540628,0.0,0.0,0.10744947463881853,0.0,0.0,0.20914712356281875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022927067477321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131097017821964,0.0,0.0,0.1475116427368052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560777545604933,0.0,0.13107194496798188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702372023518465,0.0,0.0,0.1012932490328878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271451783724372,0.10928044744131377,0.10278368918690886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565253719745205,0.08170222105240907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835794465175945,0.10572839544424613,0.05975087685649106,0.0,0.12999227901921712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174343397456378,0.10244837855699583,0.11291154236476958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855567511617047,0.0932225590441594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587285428848037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526787562354365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703348790515964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820516802009007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697956799286259,0.1216921882970416,0.0,0.12698855305039655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251076368743895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653001195988066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818949252400528,0.0,0.0,0.09113392209844973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946037270986711,0.0,0.11444737199282705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266372066782394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598808102367578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078609190971754,0.0,0.07597887750093786,0.1465606652216873,0.0,0.0,0.13337404480072726,0.13144548985644816,0.0,0.10928044744131377,0.0,0.07764617791923757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236592943753254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151385191069373,0.0,0.0,0.08325892127518347,0.0,0.1165474803767314,0.0,0.1250399326807341,0.0,0.07364716815483276
suicidewatch,prettypillows,2018/03/28,"Literally no one cares Honestly it is true. Some people might pretend to care after posting this but I don't think it is helpful. Cutting is helping though, why am I so god damn lonely?",0.8025000000000021,3.277374250000001,2.8111111111111136,85.59500000000001,98.16666666666666,4.622222222222223,25.44444444444445,6.42735559955562,1.3634777777777771,147,7,26,2,6,49,32,36,0.237,0.41,0.353,0.7139,0,3,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,8,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6112843694258407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018678218914293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180155597061818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313635715044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782732317302013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871030811518239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192084716918318,0.2945289507844303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705017205571933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TOXIC_DT,2018/03/28,I wish all my happiness didn’t come from one person. I just wish I was wasn’t so stupid as to have all my happiness come from one person. Now that they’re leaving it feels awful. I don’t know how to go on anymore. I just wish I wasn’t like this. I don’t want to be around anymore.,-1.1944047619047635,0.7882321587301604,1.1542658730158737,100.81330357142859,92.49206349206352,4.419841269841268,15.811507936507935,5.985473137389443,-0.7694111111111108,218,5,55,2,8,73,37,63,0.109,0.608,0.28300000000000003,0.8668,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,14,17,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,4,1,9,3,8,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528210389748325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583521310814345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306458096687575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994216469403091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109408104499784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787160491001604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775894817501923,0.0,0.0,0.18835068529022175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869038515559831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410740379193388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106382996895867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491903993918424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6136643854809581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JP20021,2018/03/28,"All my friendships end in loneliness and sorrow If I make a friend, within eight months they leave. When they leave they take many people with them. I'm running down to my last couple people before I have no one left in my school. I've been told by people in my grade, older kids, seniors, even a teacher that I should just die. I feel like the hundreds of people who'd rather have me dead outweigh the 15 people who'd come to my funeral. I don't have any talent or joy to give to the world anyway. I make music, I'm a guitarist and I'm not bad, but I'm never gonna get noticed enough to touch anyone's life, and as I get worse and worse, I just bring down the people who still talk to me. I have no real reason to continue living. I mean... A guy killed himself two years ago and people celebrated when he died. No one's gonna care or remember, so I don't see why not. We're all gonna fucking die so why waste your existence in this fucking guttertown surrounded by nothing but more reasons to die. Besides, the world I live in only has hate for a freshman white boy. I'm gonna be hated until I die so why not now. As soon as I have the means and the will, I'm probably going too... But I'm probably never gonna have the balls so I'm probably just gonna go day by day hoping I'm killed in a school shooting",2.1640273704789834,3.4045277634408637,3.9050130335614206,89.65327712609972,76.02508960573476,6.6497882046269154,22.35923753665689,7.1686216300943375,0.6146473118279565,1022,27,226,11,22,344,148,279,0.256,0.669,0.075,-0.9957,0,0,0,1,0,0,30.0,0,1,4,0,16,14,6,0,14,0,15,3,0,4,4,36,51,22,9,4,13,0,2,1,1,8,1,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,6,1,0,5,10,8,0,4,2,4,27,6,27,38,4,36,0,1,2,2,17,13,2,4,19,130,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427123760540398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697735618486807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058585122447833114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995781398962625,0.0,0.0,0.07129571867408528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542541560276745,0.0,0.0,0.07217422393200508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270762031200087,0.0,0.10807008288130647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43478322268434577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742095309577195,0.08657334002942213,0.0,0.05533986574853562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042364721348342564,0.0598567383353913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473285921420377,0.1549176220476913,0.08754945839269118,0.08037517015213343,0.0952350343803172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296131724324993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544266629026189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321840761147095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539360003588992,0.0,0.0,0.06829677641299915,0.0,0.17743456198178806,0.0910337390123939,0.0,0.059180532804469214,0.04093360959002231,0.0,0.1479691539574902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118556171868971,0.08494585780029112,0.0,0.1825350431558308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687718940372475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924186378289604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039493101106009,0.09539092142024934,0.0,0.0,0.11355113005691705,0.06372303194223433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066066610091465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710064517403853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536681617889398,0.0,0.17229193427126613,0.0,0.0,0.09491320996032378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959181929209988,0.06676659775290153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691161140141706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299664806535665,0.0673440166364313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800611178424791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184675178565501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681151086751555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077019318934325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395543984732842
suicidewatch,Caption_Bots_Dad,2018/03/28,"Just need to vent Just venting to a bunch of people online rn. Pretty hard to think considering I’m stressed the fuck out from my mother. I’m 19 and still live at home. My mother is very controlling. I grew up being the victim of emotional incest. My father is a “functional” alcoholic so I grew up being the SO essentially. I’m just gonna vent about my life so here it is.

-Got bullied in fourth grade when I was 9 so badly I had to be hospitalized for really bad anxiety. 
-Girl I knew since kindergarten got hit by a car and died my freshman year of highschool.
-Went back to the psych to start treatment
-Misdiagnosed bipolar disorder after I went to the hospital for cutting myself too deep
-Got a prescription for Xanax my mother pushed for
-Had a dystonic reaction to Latuda (back to the hospital)
-Became addicted to Xanax after 2 years I think?(1-2mg average daily) and had to be weaned off with Valium. No one should ever have to go through that.
-Barely made it through senior year. Drove to school barely keeping my eyes open on lithium/depakote combo. (Almost crashed)
-Barely graduate high school dropped community classes to focus on my health and to take a gap year. (Friend opened my eyes to the “emotional incest” part of me and my family(what has caused all my fucking anxiety problems)
-Me and doctor realize I’m not bipolar
-Life is a lot better now
-Some days I think about killing myself especially tonight (won’t actually do it)
-Had a haircut my mother insisted on paying for (she was there and wouldn’t leave. She kept talking to me and kept trying to talk to my girlfriend. Girlfriend doesn’t like my mom and I don’t let my mom talk to anyone I’m dating because she has no idea what fucking boundaries are (btw my mothers a hoarder too! Realized that after really getting out. House is garbage never had friends over because it was so embarrassing. Mother wouldn’t let my friends come over. Realized my room shouldn’t be a storage closet with a bed and tv in it. Realized that after seeing a normal people’s rooms.
-Mother didn’t get my prescription for my Remeron tonight either (I think she did it on purpose but idk she could have really forgot... sometimes I feel like she tries to make my anxiety bad so I can’t leave her or function to work to leave)
-Mother gave me Xanax so I can sleep and she’s getting the Remeron tomorrow after an argument from me not calling her.

If it weren’t for the Xanax I would’ve overdosed on something by now. But yea just venting 






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suicidewatch,Andro175,2018/03/28,"Hey Are you still alive? I am not going to kill myself, but rather wait for natural death.... if you want to hear how shitty my life is, just see my post.",0.8298958333333317,2.55610303125,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,81.1875,5.516666666666668,13.791666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.9427833333333338,115,1,28,1,3,37,29,32,0.123,0.654,0.223,0.2427,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,8,3,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348904534154787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658241727875006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572601570011954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29192916817352194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958314318399767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32935014978960697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33006548153433485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24377768320839904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quizcope,2018/03/28,"I need a restart I've thought of suicide. I eventually decided that that would mean I just gave up on life and couldn't handle it. But I want to prove that I can handle it. I just need a break. A break from everything. Just a year of relaxing. No school, no worries, no pressure. But then I don't want to fall back one year in school or something. I just want to reset myself, become something useful, mean something...",1.6238821954484592,4.014449674698795,2.7922088353413663,91.46962516733605,82.3734939759036,5.616599732262381,23.680053547523432,6.937597516519254,0.8350278447121822,325,12,67,4,9,104,49,83,0.194,0.6859999999999999,0.12,-0.7964,0,0,3,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,21,14,5,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,0,9,1,9,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,45,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315461501496074,0.0,0.0,0.20561211557294365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673192006638141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314986412180847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40559131545810495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27608804701456274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261548232473414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37683158197132616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299724190301153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364172164558356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779960587960936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607926520574666,0.0,0.0,0.3294268363291082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906649000782405,0.0,0.13225109827461842,0.0,0.0,0.2397770580974554
suicidewatch,KTshadow,2018/03/28,"I have been depressed for 8 years I am 17 year girl with a hearing impairment. Everyone says that I am an amazing person with an amazing personality. Every time I hear them say that to me, I just nod and say thanks. not nly do I not believe that, but they do not really know the life that I had. Being abandoned out in the cold at age 6, sexually abused by your own dad, sexually abused in 4 of the 7 foster homes, your own father holding you gunpoint, settling a knife to your throat while being duct taped to your brother, being kicked across the room when i was just a baby, having to go to 14 different schools, and so many other countless things. But here I am, with scars all over my arms, and my heart hanging on by a single string. I have been going to therapy for 8 years. But since my past has been so traumatizing, I am dealing withh severe depression and anxiety. I just had a major head surgery, not only did I wake up with my adoptive dad crying, but I found out that there was a deadly infection growing, and could not proceed with the surgery. I am trying so hard to stay positive, not let the depression take over again. I've had depression for 8 years, and still struggling with it today. I am not proud of it, but this is who I am. A side of me that no one knows about. ",4.964751945525292,5.28174161089494,5.734297178988327,82.55957806420234,68.6887159533074,8.759630350194554,29.2920719844358,8.660442795831766,2.034813424124513,1002,34,206,15,16,328,149,257,0.208,0.743,0.049,-0.9936,1,0,0,1,2,0,31.0,0,5,2,1,12,10,0,1,15,0,28,7,5,0,1,36,37,16,1,1,15,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,3,12,14,0,2,3,0,0,4,8,6,0,1,10,7,30,4,32,22,5,30,0,5,0,0,21,12,0,0,13,153,42,1,0.0,0.2852099058916854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207380143128906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560263467562206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609634164278116,0.0,0.13220798599843714,0.0,0.12408416465607755,0.41465785096898544,0.0,0.0,0.1257488493800749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014070933068948,0.11500755267083322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319667085776642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680483770102442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781743275037883,0.0,0.12352238125030565,0.0,0.2713051953741451,0.14262521359022698,0.0,0.0,0.12072922944432628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322915931443457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230745582016686,0.08501265566875091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202446678745475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155792676132548,0.09153794188660767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148956553165961,0.0,0.21018452185069264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710463519736116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871413507846883,0.0,0.1218090667192129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597066669257785,0.0,0.09956166342565943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828597732132882,0.09611832659743078,0.0,0.0,0.12582467061284322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904944936531766,0.0,0.0,0.11080978974158108,0.13764025226925306,0.0,0.07996073369623134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018191653442457,0.0,0.11408563413850295,0.0,0.0,0.08171541301138223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31002730200837525
suicidewatch,Blagu__,2018/03/28,"Waiting for the pile of sleeping meds to numb me tomorrow im breaking open the little storage container that holds the pills and im downing all of them, hopefully it kills me. If it doesnt then i guess im back in the psych ward again. Everything thats driven me to this doesnt matter especially because my brain cant work enough to actually type all of that shit down but i just cant live like this anymore, i dont go to school anymore and i just wait for my next high so i dont think about how much i want to kill myself. At least my sleeping meds get me high if i take enough, take it easy everyone",1.0451862980769242,3.1058701171875,2.723437500000003,93.07396634615385,82.203125,6.125961538461539,22.346153846153847,7.321109707123232,0.6916675480769228,477,16,108,7,13,157,79,128,0.131,0.812,0.057,-0.8538,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,2,7,6,3,0,4,0,6,6,4,1,2,20,17,8,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,1,0,16,2,15,16,6,16,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,4,6,67,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.12650808087095675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713231225324684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968369350166333,0.0,0.079026179873849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447189886797082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038697653033805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26790161458525275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387475594802637,0.11651036129133427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773055438168167,0.0,0.07367631729034071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281097792801276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273939531438567,0.0,0.12875988008981734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200941680544989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28685069079296216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333462527980603,0.12993142902868854,0.11447281357214975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879973989844607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529891668084077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378715854758742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120067388344714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307164227381044,0.0,0.0,0.25946343753978324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949434285939798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306685715972509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646390764377745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094378077642828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RicoAuerbach,2018/03/28,"Feel like my life has come to an end I think I reached a point of no return. I have been in this episode for 6 months now. Each month getting worse and worse. Therapy was not helping me anymore and I have been trying medications since December and none of them helped me either, they just made me feel more depressed, numb, dead, flat, empty. I am thinking I might be better off not taking any medications. I can’t even find a new therapist to treat me, none of them have gotten back to me and few take my insurance. And some are even telling me to go inpatient or partial hospitalization. I went inpatient for a week last month and they put me on meds that did nothing but made me feel worse than before. I feel I have given up all hope and will to live, like I would be fine if I died right now, or if someone put me out of my misery. I feel I am beyond help, nothing gets through to me anymore. Everyday is anxiety, depression, desperation, loneliness, isolation. I spend almost all of my time in my room alone in front of my computer. And when I go out and am around people, it does nothing for me at all, in fact I get more anxious, depressed, paranoid, and uncomfortable around people, a very surreal experience. Talking to people one on one is easier for me but I have very few people to do that with, and it doesn’t help as much as it used to. Nothing helps.

At the age of 30 I feel I have reached the end of my life as I know it, that there is nothing after this. I find myself alone and abandoned. People that I used to talk to have stopped talking to me because I just keep getting worse and worse and I guess people get tired or just give up on me. The duration of this will try anyone’s patience, and the fact that it is only getting worse and worse. Nobody wants to invest in something that is doomed to fail, this not only includes friends, but family and even professionals. I have nothing to look forward to and everyday is the same, with no end in sight, there are never any happy moments or relief of any kind. And no hope or nothing to look forward to in the near future. This is torture, like a living nightmare, pure hell, and it is lasting for what feels like an eternity. I am so scared and feel my life is over.",4.750233517552736,5.410096731376973,5.390611037596326,83.62255079006775,69.27088036117382,8.367681170701331,29.497081030590802,8.433251757073789,1.995173799330584,1744,63,355,25,29,564,203,443,0.255,0.6559999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9983,0,3,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,4,2,16,23,2,1,13,0,37,7,0,4,7,82,74,36,2,6,17,0,8,4,1,4,7,0,1,0,18,29,0,3,13,0,2,9,11,10,0,2,9,11,54,13,63,59,14,59,2,6,3,0,15,27,1,13,31,252,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944209416747435,0.12296148504188815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211038248444261,0.0,0.04541148179021998,0.06706174132629839,0.11774156508013492,0.04150702947320371,0.0,0.0,0.1056888659558238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564542660159628,0.0,0.036186296537819705,0.0,0.05051237195848778,0.0,0.0,0.052500534665108296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051134784989463535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338424575503762,0.0,0.06160799631163396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051947759378388365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773034483613754,0.0,0.0,0.11762338334512933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806706131704724,0.055960858411821635,0.0,0.24012017579316425,0.08481591566081374,0.0,0.0,0.10851090238327536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045862645378632,0.0,0.18608399870313133,0.056945081225852415,0.0674731606548277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539352407529445,0.0,0.0,0.06319155523092099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894423475748013,0.0,0.0,0.11791897850919875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276334113243725,0.0,0.061815999183334885,0.0326235974820527,0.09677529697145867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578661697988094,0.11600436893926898,0.0,0.10483480750437058,0.0,0.09969763129947666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233881259091864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659373849173059,0.1196011870715802,0.0,0.06297330487317365,0.0,0.0,0.14214565178064772,0.0,0.04363762571151494,0.0,0.045783345882610335,0.057331828776424364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987135713099413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044994881055112,0.09029438377647532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24692326492279704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056115924412917705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934966084130072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050694504681945085,0.0,0.0,0.05943134384287855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910455086436683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029691349507345,0.045699480223996114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962897778909876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926511096021493,0.14313788039930933,0.05188467802789975,0.0,0.06788519331626516,0.06892342365987596,0.0,0.0760730666835945,0.0,0.0,0.034614241783903515,0.06822745721017412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060529558380235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253877175804736,0.0,0.09795911742480372,0.03501302531458711,0.0,0.04761631613770916,0.0,0.0,0.05502882248132315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234619816418813,0.04216879629513666,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CapRedd,2018/03/28,Feeling really close to the end. The biggest thing that's stopping me is knowing how depressed my dog would be with losing me. Other than that I could care less about anything. 2 years ago I had everything I wanted. I moved because of a Hurricane. I had a job I really liked and lost it.  My roommate who was helping me get back on my feet passed right before Christmas. I don't have a car. I don't have a job. And I'm in a town where I don't have any friends or anyone. My mom doesn't want me back home because she likes to choose her boyfriends over me.  I have 1.37 in my account. I've already sold most things. All my bills are behind and I have no other options right now. I'm borderline homeless again. Except this time I don't even have a vehicle to sleep in. I have meds I have rope and other things. It wouldn't be hard for me to do. I'm very ready to end it. Maybe some people here can encourage me not to. ,0.5653935356526034,2.701791248704666,2.1787416728349385,95.8113298791019,84.69948186528498,5.126967678263014,20.58943992104614,6.42735559955562,0.11408285220824065,713,22,161,7,21,232,116,193,0.08800000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.111,0.63,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,0,8,0,25,2,2,1,1,23,36,6,0,5,3,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,1,3,0,3,3,8,3,0,0,5,2,29,5,18,26,4,24,0,3,0,0,7,11,0,4,12,112,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240910127693664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648355120424863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157795626964708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444424600449173,0.0,0.12292027631066098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971541088166056,0.0,0.1821113438159906,0.0,0.12710441267565567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229452033997407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192612396553199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286537252458638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645981840911106,0.0,0.0,0.098658674943324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424575562884308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552687770445532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540429361332667,0.0,0.07804060816010518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380780648302867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001207788651796,0.0,0.14983210931884125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29645695556105506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820908430261616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595104733899014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710885297654113,0.16305698096714316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500640649442522,0.0,0.16591841282310885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494246422802173,0.0,0.1587585999817934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355560874525413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138281894208373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25512542744091754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494796893792485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488152563416872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977079895448184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709990645008525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324739072575933,0.17620673296695805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610945157629002,0.0,0.0,0.0961905514102644
suicidewatch,SuicideThrowaway4098,2018/03/28,"Super paranoid about someone finding my post I don't want to make a public post, but I'd like to talk with someone.  Would anyone be willing to DM?",1.7819999999999998,3.975891866666668,3.256666666666668,89.525,80.33333333333334,4.0,26.66666666666667,3.1291,0.5606666666666671,116,5,22,0,3,38,25,30,0.086,0.726,0.188,0.6235,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205887273392492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883400976045889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412603861850735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058322667990348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6042791743120024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346049706656688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535683173995493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860764018159344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410568104319395,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turtlepowerpizzatime,2018/03/28,"Please, I just want to die. I'll be 37 in a couple months. I am exhausted. I just want it all to end, but nobody gives a fuck about what I really want. Society ""programs"" everyone to ""care"" and do everything to keep people from killing themselves. That is fucking bullshit. Not everyone needs to be here. Some of us truly are just a waste of resources. There are some countries that allow assisted suicide, but it's only for the terminally *physically* ill. What about those of us who are terminally mentally ill? My body, my choice.

I have failed at everything I have ever attempted in life -  I have been fired from every job I've ever had, including the military. Failed at trying to raise a family- My ex stripped me of my parental rights. Failed at furthering my education. My one passion led nowhere as I'm nothing special. My other passion doesn't pay. I have no fire left in me to be passionate about anything other than dying. I've been accused of being abusive by a few different people, one of whom was actually abusing me while accusing me of abusing them. My family doesn't give a shit. I swear they're just waiting for me to do it since it's inevitable. The only one that would have actually done something to help was my dad and he died over 2 years ago. I am homeless, again, no job, no money, only one set of clothes.

There is nothing in this world that brings me any kind of happiness. Everything just triggers memories, which is nothing but pain. Even the ""good"" memories are painful. I can't even listen to music anymore. The worst part is I'm too much of a pussy and there is no reliable information on a quick, painless death.

The human race is a fucking cancer. I would give anything to eradicate the entirety of our species. I don't want help, I want help dying.",3.2906176686217035,5.631799648093848,4.55303427419355,81.39955141129035,75.97947214076247,8.01616568914956,29.424578445747798,8.841846274778883,2.6731472873900293,1404,64,259,32,32,462,185,341,0.251,0.599,0.151,-0.9957,4,0,1,0,0,2,53.0,3,0,1,4,19,20,5,0,16,0,35,15,2,3,3,31,54,8,7,8,9,3,2,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,17,3,0,2,1,0,2,2,9,12,0,4,6,3,33,8,41,42,7,25,0,3,0,6,19,13,4,2,9,181,50,7,0.0,0.2887799185853937,0.15856339592284052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201724413036158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524819974145217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057147881714342,0.0,0.0,0.13371255392967918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024294196372776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283291363862337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989411702314827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33727069052707576,0.08488191033116009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314005750984836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195741016429293,0.0,0.0,0.10732080816878016,0.14697835186485156,0.06845094681544912,0.1552628246117161,0.21904859854836692,0.0,0.15317782178446585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253242419302013,0.0,0.2338078011417591,0.0,0.06814298821678508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648495627258337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163366925034288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124279023788718,0.07221273845783346,0.08988362510482684,0.08460234863314108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827103489760857,0.0,0.05738451406166184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187409300271148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484759149469245,0.0,0.05972314081697155,0.060240844579864214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338652846029521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021013028043115,0.18536747047999147,0.17289710401603342,0.0,0.09021102082578686,0.08797852869107572,0.0,0.11264768787270955,0.0,0.0,0.08918069773040745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204650987427844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938129635608266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339503435155239,0.0672052605568973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625450273285589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886693528590531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515883758857602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545126647881425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23959688539373106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542575555626873,0.0,0.0,0.0523179929260175
suicidewatch,Xyxii,2018/03/28,"I haven't cried in years. Ive never been very emotional or a cry-ey person, but the past few months I've really wanted to but i just cant. Its like when you have to vomit really badly, and you know that when you finally do it you'll feel relief, but it just gurgles in your stomach forever. But instead of in your stomach its mostly mental. Idk Ive never really posted or looked through any depression subreddits before even though i do take depression meds. Hope this was the right subreddit to post this to. Whoever reads this have a nice day.",4.24722222222222,5.635835759259264,5.517592592592597,79.5491666666667,71.03703703703705,9.474074074074073,25.537037037037038,9.827888789773867,2.4314592592592588,434,13,82,11,8,145,73,108,0.17,0.7190000000000001,0.111,-0.7901,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,11,3,2,0,2,16,17,10,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,2,11,4,9,14,2,15,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,4,10,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239634223476765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502804116654423,0.0,0.0,0.15315444181709112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770566917522825,0.11607578637698347,0.0,0.3100425715037911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024595121828451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188787546653968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100609926526214,0.0,0.0,0.19716536638785406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876625698808868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989153482345956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793184562704078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511425268714962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999233651151431,0.0,0.18138309581519896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366274446639846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776318953674384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181656802458609,0.0,0.15715643510089394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447527980833876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003425115545438,0.0,0.3459100458209767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370667158806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532672999485992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683488364550362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850692383264444,0.10616013741722943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590478960718943
suicidewatch,TheRealSkywalkaisbad,2018/03/28,"I'm scared of myself I get the urge to hang myself or stab myself and the urge gets so big that it scares me. I have severe anxiety..and I live of cigarettes and can't sleep.It is 3:24 in the morning here,I sleep hardly anymore..turning 20 this July,I really feel fucked beyond repair.I even have voices in my head that I'm constantly battling with. Sorry for my english",2.2188345864661656,4.2197911842105285,4.015338345864663,85.61236842105264,77.94736842105263,6.448120300751881,21.383458646616546,7.447530270364453,0.8714984962406018,294,8,57,4,7,99,54,76,0.258,0.742,0.0,-0.957,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,2,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,9,0,8,10,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507051183635827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532310847021254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173040830060488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447644428437904,0.2424165345025373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078227316633346,0.0,0.23809469431934865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048566043364678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862249547083736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645366774884408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620892990798561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643268310197176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597003836532962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523448882113486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YugoslavLovemachine,2018/03/28,"When I was 16, I almost killed myself. I'm starting to feel the same way And I told my best friend at the time that I was about to do it. I guess she thought I was saying all of this for attention, because she responded my telling me that if I did it then people would get over it, that my death would just brush off in a couple weeks. All I ever wanted was to prove her wrong. And now, two years later, I'm beginning to feel the same way I felt back tw years ago when I was ready to die",4.066069182389938,3.325803971698112,4.881132075471701,91.53352201257864,70.60377358490567,8.19874213836478,24.270440251572328,7.1686216300943375,0.6140553459119498,375,7,93,3,6,122,69,106,0.136,0.775,0.08900000000000001,-0.7357,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,4,20,21,6,3,4,2,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,9,5,18,2,12,10,5,20,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,14,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443638325698374,0.0,0.19704989267760792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131409044450805,0.0,0.11995717763724335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065117682635935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773680510758686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422983462000316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780016190981143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899893977684605,0.0,0.1889426772175099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203416831696412,0.0,0.1028110704123884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677881779438068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771139213452015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642465420648406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564898537926613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928412161470288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199714075020267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562238348333557,0.11474583330489628,0.0,0.0,0.1880347263115633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222853722559946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606779635184755,0.3123945991874838,0.1578475677220123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795781979312337,0.2151514755854616,0.0,0.2534437849012741
suicidewatch,reddit-has-kill-me,2018/03/28,"Some ordinary suicidal dude that is done with life I ain’t wanna live anymore it is just stupid I am sure I got anxiety and depression along with suicidal thoughts every thing feels worthless like nothing is worth living for I know all accept any death that is given hell I don’t like fucking like pills they change who you are they are not worth it id rather be me and just die like fuck can’t do anything I get so anxious when thinking on telling someone I’m depressed and want to die along with the fact that school makes it even more stressful and puts more pressure making me fucking depressed because no matter how hard I try it all goes to waste. Society is fucking stupid it ruins people’s minds I think my depression and anxiety is easy to spot but apparently no one can notice i make it noticeable as im silently calling for help yet no one comes awnsering to my cries for a reason to live I try looking every where for a reason to live memes games and heck even my friends yet everything just dies down like it used to bring me a lot of joy then it is just gone and I just feel like I am in a different Dimension just watching everything move without me I try but I’m just getting to pissed off always trying yet nothing comes in and helps there are way to many flaws and people and I’m just sick of people saying they are better and that they have no flaws and sometimes when I look at them I’m just like why do I have to struggle through all this shit I guess I’m just writing this as my final cry for help 
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suicidewatch,parentunknown,2018/03/28,"I want to live but I feel like I lost. After a two year court battle I was able to gain 50/50 cust. Ex ended up wanting CS which will now cost me 250 a month... At first I was happy ex didnt get the 460/mo and I was so relieved that court has ended... 48 hours later I'm having these horrible thoughts that I cannot live with, these thoughts are making me stress like crazy, financial loss... I rather be dead then deal with not having a financially balanced life..... I rather my ex deal with the guilt of my end. 

The CS is way out of my budget and only will live me with little of 50-100 for myself and my son for a month... I'd posted in reddit personal finances and I loved the ideas on there but I feel stuck...its not an instant resolution...but did allow small pockets of relief but its faded as time went by and the thinking kicked back up..

I reached out to reddit legal advice to see if I can do anything to modify CS ...but I dont want to go back to court...its too stressful  and anxiety filled.... Lawyer said they based on gross yearly income so thats why it based of the amount they did. 

The only thing thats keeping me strong is my son...but I feel I no longer have the money for us to do fun things together like we used to....

Its only been 48 hours since the ruling and I 've had such a hard time staying happy for long because I think about how much I owe all together a month now....I rather just be sleeping in and at work I've been irritated by everyone...

I want to reach out to a counselor but financial stress scares me of paying them and owing them....

I want to reach out via phone support or in person support thats free but I feel they can track and report me if I say i am suicidal.... and then I'll lose my son...and I would have gained nothing... and end up in mental house where my ex will gain another upper hand for full custody....

The only thing I can think of is an end....the thought of how I'll do it has been running on my mind constantly lately I hate it... I thought the end of court would be a relief and it was short lived... the financial stress still haunts me.... I hate child support and I hate debt and I hate the court and I hate my life when I shouldn't... I wish I had more money :\ 

I dont have friends to talk to and id like to know if there is anyway to talk to someone or talk to groups annoymous... I'm not planning suicide but idea sounds peaceful.. i want the thoughts to stop...and I needed to vent this...

Sorry for burdening 

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suicidewatch,umidonno,2018/03/29,"Should I lie and tell my Mom I'm cutting so that I can finally get therapy? Long story short, I've been mentally off with what I presume to be a depression (haven't been diagnosed, never been able to get to a doctor/therapist - reason why below) for a long time, with suicidal thoughts going through my head for almost 10 years. I was abused physically, emotionally, and now I'm starting to realize sexually, and I've been having a hard time finding ways to cope.

After realizing this at first, I told my mom (single parent family) I was having a hard time and asked if I could get some therapy. She brushed it off and said ""Depression is a choice. You just have to think positive.""
I've been trying hard at that for quite some time now, and desperately so. I've used my reminder app to set a reminder to myself with a small message about how people love me, downloaded meditation apps and spent long periods of time meditating,  texted somebody an ""I love you"" text when I was starting to get down, put more effort into showing positivity to make my friends happy, and a ton of other stuff like that for almost a year now, but nothing is working. I'm still left with these horrible thoughts and memories multiple times a day, and I hate myself for not even being able to appreciate the miracle of life goddammit. I've asked my mom multiple times since then, even telling her I might be depressed, but she always brushes it off. 

Before you judge me for ignoring how much therapy costs, I live in a country where therapy is free for me and my family. I would get online therapy, but my mom won't let me have a bank account until I get a job (which I'm not legally old enough to do (yes, I'm young)) and I'm too young to make an account by my own.

I get the feeling telling her I cut myself (don't, think about it though) may be the only way to get professional help, but I don't want to traumatize her with such information. 
I'm frustrated on what to do, but I don't think I have anywhere else to go. 


**TLDR:** I'm having a hard time coping with mental illness and past abuse, but my mom blows me off every time I ask for professional help. I'm not old enough to get it without her setting up an appointment for me, so I feel stuck. Considering lying to her that I cut myself so that she'll take my requests for therapy seriously, but don't want to traumatize her with that. Feeling like I might have no choice but to do so. Thoughts? ",6.190951388888887,5.9195689145833335,7.125833333333336,75.63805555555557,66.10416666666666,10.694444444444443,33.40277777777778,10.338469443840273,3.295944444444445,1909,75,376,43,27,642,222,480,0.14400000000000002,0.76,0.096,-0.9631,2,0,0,0,3,2,65.0,0,3,0,4,21,17,5,0,21,1,40,6,1,6,1,69,87,33,1,6,14,6,7,2,1,7,3,1,0,0,17,21,0,1,15,1,6,3,12,10,0,1,15,10,56,8,60,59,9,57,0,3,0,2,34,16,0,8,36,250,73,5,0.12027084814195488,0.14250128821358846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043388132614825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003749017543544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865551146247135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051170816701134186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801324285668378,0.0,0.0,0.03878237364627186,0.0,0.1553836579050984,0.061036189591309874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155115469274455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050235430402224036,0.06764425807305117,0.0,0.12427193655488768,0.0,0.07943776089637747,0.0,0.05066668839937143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338065179686235,0.0,0.09121883183282788,0.04296075897193217,0.0,0.06587541767344918,0.05496268815580958,0.05115116099457779,0.0,0.0,0.046460479464868025,0.0,0.2827644937108917,0.0,0.06835269464185605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401527713722238,0.21547811266619588,0.059371281394790726,0.06171629416708736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061501430888017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596751293422897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533731420699312,0.061492545412208034,0.04247542843710322,0.05875826128696202,0.0,0.0531006811867149,0.15965387385413354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854913613553432,0.0,0.0802817250531963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120472692171108,0.12758836363408346,0.0,0.3521494093639518,0.0,0.0,0.044206455962743925,0.0,0.04638014627483785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057701561257458865,0.0,0.12620402339067335,0.0,0.0,0.04573569981196948,0.0,0.0,0.06677327188318395,0.0,0.05740606674081401,0.04169033129478983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045271070691144,0.0,0.06396142571514643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061829231485700666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720255916504796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974464421383827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512832534553381,0.0,0.04802422734317662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884067328711281,0.0657783935593693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045214354955509316,0.0,0.15768303364242806,0.0,0.41262058967602605,0.06982186228381017,0.0,0.11559705474804766,0.059082748825510525,0.14322242856091272,0.31558904434851337,0.0,0.0,0.0574619747468022,0.0,0.04082800555128567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051937698537524384,0.0,0.0,0.07093886234435093,0.09546540110790533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426286675718517,0.0,0.0,0.05796840286680996,0.0,0.043779304933115576,0.0,0.0,0.04271847989041662,0.0,0.0,0.07745048296876958
suicidewatch,therealstonch,2018/03/29,Bye I have no hope left it's all too much I have a handful of pills I just took from behind my mams mirror I've already eaten 9 or 10 of them someone talk to me while I sit here and wait ,-0.40840909090908895,0.8862249772727289,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,83.31818181818181,4.4,17.81818181818182,3.1291,-0.975572727272727,145,3,38,0,4,50,38,44,0.056,0.87,0.07400000000000001,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,6,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,5,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320579013866402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888729625045043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253933810280192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878161429421772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317381137954177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146932031988537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349990113065598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asodfkdsaokfosdakfod,2018/03/29,"Just took arround 50mg of bromazepam I dont really know how much it is, i dont really know if its even going to do anything, probably not

The scary part is that i literally dont give a single fuck, writting this more to unburden myself (if thats how its written) then anything else. The only thought on my mind is wishing that it works and i somehow die in my sleep or something. Maybe i need to take an higher dose",3.700387596899226,4.560445395348836,5.230232558139537,83.09364341085275,71.79069767441861,8.058914728682172,29.449612403100772,8.344100000000001,2.0595565891472867,328,13,67,5,6,111,62,86,0.047,0.863,0.09,0.3565,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,4,0,7,3,1,2,0,15,18,7,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,6,15,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,1,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816833103327797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762641164541013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6017586706256913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297364839538906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304279076319845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582251790621016,0.0,0.16418242833024066,0.09726834280461803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811884504047646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194292042046133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281245060801798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258147534721586,0.1269053654260671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301670914666651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533849269637614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845283697095336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928581515785925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712733447875047,0.0,0.0,0.13175943338894025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868330650446874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587377792557004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015366132247405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968137573665284,0.0,0.0,0.12459905091655538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,losthope_sp,2018/03/29,"I shall wear an elegant black suit that day When I am feeling hopeless, I try to imagine myself where I want to be. One, it gives me hope that one day I shall be there; two, it pushes me to keep moving forward towards that place. In the past, I used to see myself in the future doing the work I love and spending time with the people I love. Today, again I am trying to imagine myself where I want to be . My parents and siblings are away from hone and they shall be returning on this weekend. I see them getting into the train, then I see the train getting into an accident and all of them dying. I know, I know; how awful this sounds, I am a horrible person. But I don't want them to go through the pain of my loss. I see myself at my family's funeral saying goodbye to all of the memories. Then I shall meet all the beautiful people in my life saying thanks for what they have been to me. At the end, I see myself meeting her, yes I want to meet her at the last. I see myself getting up in the morning, dressing up. I shall wear a suit that day, an elegant black one, with a black tie and a white shirt. I shall have a nice breakfast that day, I shall have a nice bath that day, I want everything to be perfect that day. Then I shall take a cab to go and meet her, I will talk her all day long if she agrees to. I shall tell her how grateful I am for the moments which she gave me. I shall tell her how regretful I am for not being able to do the same for her. Then I shall leave and go to the rooftop where I first met her, it was a 13 storied tall building. I shall have my very final cigarette, it should be a Dunhill switch, I said it should be perfect, remember? Just like how it used to be, then I shall stand on the edge and let go of the life that I so desperately hold on to, let go of all the pain, the sorrow, the misery. I will be in an elegant black suit that day. Wouldn't be beautiful way to go?",3.7519602977667503,3.738401248138956,4.9270729528535995,88.44937866004965,71.25806451612901,8.036089330024812,26.54183622828784,7.699297019823105,1.2057478709677416,1465,42,337,16,25,486,163,403,0.092,0.758,0.15,0.9643,1,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,5,5,13,15,0,0,33,2,46,10,3,6,7,48,81,21,2,11,4,1,1,1,0,18,4,4,1,1,19,12,1,2,6,2,1,9,3,6,0,5,5,16,68,9,48,45,6,60,0,4,11,2,32,23,0,2,29,253,87,1,0.08755943531305778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226497175697474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517487373245535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908728700029192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755167067007958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869277459439518,0.0,0.08254324302296663,0.0,0.04427268136094571,0.0,0.0,0.09591708151406876,0.0,0.07447801094752868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723857320595714,0.08399498885448033,0.2985722693783361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696627586084889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782684921928251,0.0,0.0,0.09624075154199767,0.0713726261822978,0.0,0.09271279941212228,0.0,0.17907090988168636,0.12369163720349907,0.04277711729604732,0.0,0.0,0.0774873449173127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805161783725874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306182280972486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779976182723744,0.0,0.1863388251445927,0.0,0.09722439095459152,0.0,0.08358538856293263,0.1214053753700174,0.0764535215905013,0.0914809738263186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991877715178776,0.0,0.08328907389165048,0.1392615546786866,0.0,0.0,0.4186412015172085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583379844924409,0.07037695741217465,0.15306161160389156,0.08061296405512612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051056610865370514,0.0,0.08299610662073424,0.0,0.0,0.11889421805056392,0.0,0.08553284541729872,0.0,0.0,0.1512464782833465,0.0,0.0722457040991599,0.25822411767192616,0.06950060419526433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374431173574757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itlookslikeit,2018/03/29,"For the past week I’ve been really thinking about buying a shotgun and blowing my brains out. I’m 20 years old and I’m extremely tired of everything including my mom, my sister and my brother.  I’m tired of the shiftiness of the world and how unfair it all seems. I also have a very large amount of anxiety over becoming homeless. Theres just so much wrong with my life that I wish I could tell you but I can’t. I’m sorry. ",1.946590909090912,3.82615047727273,3.5840909090909108,88.9586363636364,78.31818181818181,7.127272727272729,23.5,8.07648339933343,1.2664727272727268,334,11,71,6,8,111,63,88,0.139,0.8390000000000001,0.023,-0.7493,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,4,4,1,1,1,14,11,8,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,0,9,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760081528517073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032790155611648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23146431959600025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339602642282089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733234170095948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835672610574808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803234445853705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454572188484325,0.0,0.0,0.15406519856670225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991864649800733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000675439535484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426212635163187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079349321121572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460732248617025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318190077029006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429021324014515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481762083587097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292520653213314,0.0,0.0,0.16811219861659954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410063189929701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914250829620886,0.0,0.13496245941686455
suicidewatch,Slickbick,2018/03/29,Prozac making me suicidal. I'm having all sorts of horrible thoughts going through my head right now. ,4.788333333333334,8.024366722222227,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,76.22222222222223,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222214,8.841846274778883,3.300355555555555,83,4,13,2,2,25,18,18,0.348,0.652,0.0,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716212463760055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904987822706055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190250557702496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40815353579079605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227828789142277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794266854540027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deprssthryactvnt1234,2018/03/29,"I'm ending it after spring break Past 4 years of high school, I've done absolutely nothing to prepare for my future. All of my friends are going off to college. My grades are in the shitter and I'm not going to graduate. The idea of telling my family that I'm going to fail high school and that I'm destined to be a freeloading wastoid for the rest of my life makes me nauseous. 

I've got the rope ready. I'm hanging myself down the storm trench; a 6-foot drop should be enough to instantly snap my neck. Making my final preparations. if a student dies during EOCs, everyone passes. At least them I'll have done something useful.",2.369150124069481,4.8537985080645125,3.355806451612904,87.99217121588093,80.04838709677419,5.750868486352358,24.054590570719604,7.010146845296331,1.0336210918114146,501,18,95,6,13,160,82,124,0.065,0.866,0.069,0.1531,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,8,0,8,2,1,3,1,10,20,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,0,10,1,17,14,4,20,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,7,54,13,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721761693826305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692057181673042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977308708272206,0.18639236250453767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237155103802554,0.0,0.0,0.17005679750864353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976097753285465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936981704192675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075614798732865,0.0,0.14427534591506933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811864779334653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363974170090685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274156607559957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408250939582941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309025064122666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220384100456276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651311113623917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887398219503813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766988633840898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558001042203425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616603794767727
suicidewatch,14thCluelessbird,2018/03/29,"The only thing keeping me from suicide is fear of going to hell I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep and never wake up, but my brain never ceases to remind me of the idea of hell that was indoctrinated into me as a child. I just can't let it go. There are some things going on in my life right now that are just too much for me to bear, yet fear is keeping me from saving myself from suffering. I don't know what to do, I can't think straight anymore, what the hell is happening to me? ",4.455428571428573,3.8999522095238106,5.619761904761906,85.94107142857145,69.76190476190476,8.142857142857144,26.07142857142857,7.1686216300943375,1.0061428571428563,382,9,87,3,6,128,67,105,0.287,0.7020000000000001,0.011,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,4,2,4,0,11,6,3,0,2,16,22,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,1,0,13,1,18,20,2,13,3,1,0,1,1,6,4,1,4,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612843180311933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951329048492495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42238504372232616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735074181476216,0.0,0.0,0.3199891280433272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596507428498852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118682203268372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336377577447543,0.0,0.0,0.10314418761085667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191582805152396,0.1325641501047957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796661927786985,0.0,0.2895012433724751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273932949257104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027795538583847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878158459212341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052917924152019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24937291091103145,0.12025796153325045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571090222558448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106987067829717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mobybowie,2018/03/29,First Step I already sent all my dearest friends a text explaining how much their friendship means to me. I've already written my letter. I have pills to take but I don't want my family to find me. That's the only thing stopping me now. It's eerie the sense of calmness this brings. I've been suffering for so long. One person can only take so much. I don't know if I'm posting this for help or more of a declaration for myself.,1.4547815230961303,3.6035102584269687,2.9835205992509373,91.285418227216,81.24719101123596,5.7533083645443215,23.372034956304606,6.937597516519254,0.7514559300873911,339,12,72,4,9,111,62,89,0.117,0.736,0.147,0.4151,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,1,11,15,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,3,0,12,2,8,12,4,8,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816153159132762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571537213593796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994461959492241,0.1856150930943236,0.0,0.0,0.1685937533654913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626611688568705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992624285791505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193114995385577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377020605913613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32082890317053137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147869346785999,0.3319274093986896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905384870899356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089913675016196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824390104861923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32814374262810114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449735412572764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870991862186554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iliwysthe1975,2018/03/29,Are phones allowed in the psychiatric ward? My friend texted me telling me she attempted suicide and is currently in the emergency room. She told me that she will be moved to a different hospital with a psychiatric ward and will be held for at least 72 hours. Will she have her phone during that time or will it be taken away? Will it be given to her parents or will other people like social services look through it? She said she’s nervous because she has stuff to hide. Thank you all. ,4.863179723502307,6.503187698924731,4.690353302611367,85.09838709677422,69.86021505376344,8.325038402457759,29.414746543778804,8.841846274778883,2.2928230414746547,388,15,74,7,7,119,64,93,0.111,0.809,0.08,-0.5007,4,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,0,14,0,0,1,1,8,21,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,14,3,10,6,2,9,0,0,1,0,18,5,0,2,4,55,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24246290628302486,0.0,0.0,0.15731554944074666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269625605039486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199382306199946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541444984888802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607874239171687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671169954386202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742849057202614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28655341257621786,0.0,0.0,0.1789115070601131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454812842706533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630673115863848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954255392633313,0.2822839530941973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255623651064867,0.2375938766093084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048123145231168,0.0,0.0,0.2465945503744496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justhonest1528,2018/03/29,"Trains are beautiful I have been facinated by trains from my childhood,  I guess they are the best, modern day guillotine. I am just formulating my final plan. No, It wont be a Passenger train I dont like wasting others time. 

Just a bit of backstory for curious people out there. tl dr  23 year old from India, forced to study something that I dont like(poverty, social issue), got to know about stock market, finished CFA l1 (had someone to sponsor me from USA). But I realised I need a lot of money to do an MBA to break into this industry. Cant live my life everyday knowing I can never be successful doing something I hate. ",3.221404958677688,5.4175977520661185,4.790909090909093,80.30636363636367,75.61157024793387,7.705785123966942,27.52892561983471,8.575989854853784,2.301968595041322,492,20,89,10,11,165,92,121,0.115,0.782,0.103,-0.1088,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,3,4,4,1,0,5,0,15,2,0,0,1,11,21,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,14,3,15,15,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,11,61,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094949663491437,0.0,0.2179396763622696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287421295543059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679199133041778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868031167747973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965899237336895,0.0,0.21991033015161635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708915371836896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835747594305493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194182434563753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100160966423636,0.19505416960777006,0.0,0.17627324307466968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697147206720708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802000491224435,0.15396372730880614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094737016077227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383953979111777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349336866403386,0.16914229671386752,0.3073633949516123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164034122076303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855247339105838
suicidewatch,Abisnail1,2018/03/29,I want to drive to a bridge and jump off Right now I want to get in my car and drive to a bridge that’s about 5 mins away and throw myself onto the M5 motorway. ,3.604864864864865,2.3053301621621642,4.700675675675676,94.31155405405407,71.70270270270271,8.481081081081081,21.202702702702695,7.1686216300943375,0.08684864864864883,124,1,34,1,2,41,27,37,0.0,0.918,0.08199999999999999,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190417056977243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288630513502051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471786322952734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6516945602785694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Capinport,2018/03/29,"Waiting to fade away I've always found it like, weirdly interesting and morbid how easy it so to fade away from peoples lives. So many people have died on me like. I'm feeling like its stacking up to be my turn.

I'm just removing myself from the lives of my friends piece by piece. Stop going to dnd, stop going around their houses, stop sending them memes. Soon I'll stop answering their calls and texts and when they stop sending them I'll know they're ready to forget about me and I can die without hurting them too bad. Hopefully it'll happen in the next week or so. 

I've given up on myself entirely. I just want to be dead. I wish fading away from life was as easy as fading out of friendship",2.078267477203646,4.322144106382982,2.98324721377913,91.61250000000004,79.56737588652483,5.4470111448834855,21.418946301925022,6.5431188927421005,0.34624782168186474,553,16,113,5,14,175,86,141,0.17800000000000002,0.615,0.206,0.4284,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,6,0,11,9,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,25,20,12,3,3,4,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,6,4,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,3,1,15,6,26,14,2,28,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,2,16,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156019714558624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935416626436862,0.0,0.0,0.37790043232422427,0.0,0.11194607804168354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690440778845148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782950112480864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779177524013237,0.09578239683143856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700507407078633,0.10358513647280536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239453583587256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185610771307314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331656011201234,0.0,0.1547032405396786,0.14352884679211358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368349055126175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470033676095024,0.1965051561376092,0.0,0.2367793604749195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359298566424509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258907778162178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589987475410316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604587780369074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583386618978947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908024004274035,0.0,0.10754596828718674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417832942951168,0.12924242261876814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SupportiveCow,2018/03/29,"I dont know if you guys understand me... I'm in a deep depression. My grades are awful, my dad says that I'm dumb and that I don't care about anything.
I never felt what it's like to be loved by someone that's not my family.
I have just one friend and he have a girlfriend. Like I love to see them in love but, it makes me jealous, because he have someone that cares about him.
I want someone that says sweet thing to me, that makes me feel alive and that I can pass my time with.
Some guys just want girls to have sex and then, they just dump them like the girls are just some sexual objects, but I'm not that kind of guy.
I care about the feeling, how is she. Everything.
I really think that I'll never be loved. The only thing that I'm still alive it's because of my grandma and because I want to find a girl that love me.
Sorry for being this level of gayness, but I needed to spit out this words.
I really think that when my grandma die, I'm going to kill myself. There's no point to be alive.

PS: I read the ""I wish I could be loved"" tread and I shared the same feels so I write this.",0.5445206243032317,2.373074414529917,2.094065403195838,98.17001672240805,82.63247863247864,5.266146413972502,17.438870308435526,6.280692351149826,-0.4896054998141954,839,17,203,7,23,272,117,234,0.131,0.633,0.237,0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,3,0,12,21,4,0,8,1,16,9,1,3,2,43,47,14,2,7,10,1,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,21,8,0,0,9,1,0,2,7,5,0,1,1,8,35,16,20,40,3,14,0,1,1,8,27,6,1,3,9,129,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836080881338761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580312875474791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107637094805307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111927938444193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750787357427002,0.0,0.1054446900826938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907436501310313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131146874294517,0.0,0.0957793748419918,0.0,0.15411593686052205,0.0,0.0975518688523848,0.0,0.09286049829084636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849585634728913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057741583399009075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30179972210832595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124052727840178,0.10580069579065204,0.05583666620931793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890978602638555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5501874385407682,0.0,0.13563748867149494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533506308676492,0.15672026381513668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884674415141806,0.07727132745364347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604477685807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162742756736062,0.0,0.13017503762340304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159268957893044,0.0,0.0,0.08096199255878117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582558810439303,0.0,0.0,0.11373280708879475,0.0,0.0,0.08113783788155003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349969621237254,0.1302022695157341,0.0,0.0,0.05924373808375091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576911355710036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797788188636628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168349090503081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExcitingRegister,2018/03/29,"I hate being with my family. I have bought a razor blade online (of course on Amazon) and I'm waiting for it to come so I can start cutting myself again, for the second time.",2.2325000000000017,3.783030583333337,4.167777777777779,86.555,76.5,5.911111111111111,17.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,-0.0630444444444449,135,2,27,1,3,46,32,36,0.159,0.841,0.0,-0.6666,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,6,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640048212922699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077973460158226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318117093884557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812637958607135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140948979528714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I-Am-The-SquidQueen,2018/03/29,"I don’t want to be alive but I’m too afraid to die I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I don’t have anyone in my life that I can really go to anymore

After I was neglected and eventually dumped by the man I thought I was going to marry I spiraled into depression that’s been getting progressively worse for almost half a year. I’ve felt so incredibly worthless and every single day feels like a chore to the point where the thought of getting out of bed in the morning makes me want to cry. Therapy hasn’t helped and I’m afraid to try antidepressants because I don’t know if the side effects will make the problem worse. What if I gain weight and start to hate my body as much as I hate my heart and mind?


The people who I though I could trust have all turned out to be selfish and rude or have abandoned me altogether. I feel like I have absolutely nobody and that my life as it is right now is just completely pointless and I know how generic that sounds but I don’t know how else to describe it. Logging onto social media every day and seeing how full of hate the world is fills me with a sense of utter hopelessness that I can’t shake no matter how hard I try. Seeing my ex “like” pictures of other, prettier girls on Instagram makes me feel disposable and worthless and all-in-all I don’t know if I feel empty or sad or devastated or a combination of every emotion but happy. 

I don’t want to be alive and I go to bed every night praying that I won’t wake up the next morning because I’m too scared to actively try to take my own life. I’m too afraid of heights and pain and disappointing my family and mentors to do that to myself and I’m absolutely terrified that someday it’ll be so bad that those fears won’t be enough to stop me

Thanks for reading this. I’m sorry it’s kind of a mess. I just needed somebody to talk to I guess because my friends aren’t willing to support me anymore",4.92153862300588,4.982063012594459,5.9010484886649905,82.21750052476911,68.74811083123426,8.833291351805206,29.89179261125105,8.59863814320734,2.058801931150294,1524,53,320,22,24,506,188,397,0.274,0.609,0.117,-0.998,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,14,33,5,6,15,0,34,8,3,8,1,68,75,38,1,10,14,1,7,3,1,5,4,1,3,2,20,20,1,3,13,1,0,5,13,24,0,1,6,10,41,9,45,58,6,32,1,8,2,0,8,17,0,10,12,204,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906770832986093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961113002512605,0.06331769466962983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560908505216837,0.1656032415101303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058544922380308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494449459682147,0.0,0.0,0.07230026590543187,0.0,0.09946968197854053,0.11680010598071636,0.0,0.07799431375930196,0.0,0.09398110029015842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756465249971969,0.10186143560966404,0.0,0.09356683201258274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051837223123345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536656540689365,0.10189879949255534,0.1831479651501534,0.1293840662436104,0.08694635986808281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996205254101484,0.0,0.09462180231740586,0.0,0.15439234169342406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975580626514516,0.0,0.0,0.09639677063360023,0.08111889509873968,0.2682109670119085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730731983247216,0.06069666016831924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429840226256933,0.24883146428571445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188360883786065,0.13272081812518569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133716002120195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914340615313548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656785358954828,0.06714489002499982,0.0,0.0,0.09630555976678824,0.08497910658829398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635619417160313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277897219515245,0.0,0.09461000379471256,0.0,0.08560311381413105,0.0,0.08672601885829806,0.0,0.0,0.08664826642569136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057883763467484,0.0,0.058011424077238125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466581008654226,0.0,0.0,0.09066068400964558,0.0,0.14432015754213295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230873805107567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013681612692943,0.06409482251529923,0.0,0.0,0.07570747659609499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275998322918874,0.0,0.0,0.06808558829870487,0.07278414220280842,0.0,0.08337026286622587,0.10355677092630802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896917176077815,0.1437800497317616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444134256193956,0.09849711026164423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602338741990874,0.0,0.0,0.11027078131861888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845652018678416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831402109060675
suicidewatch,killme2570,2018/03/29,"Suicide venting I want to kill myself because of acne scars. This acne nightmare has been going on for about 10 years now. Since then I have been to more dermatologists than I can even remember, tried every conventional acne treatment and diet. I still get zits, but it has slowed down significantly. I have over 100 scars on my face though, and have spent well over 20 grand on them with little improvement. 

There is no quality of life. I go to work, go to the gym, and sleep. I work my ass off every day and barely have any money. I had to drop out of college my junior year because my acne was so bad, limiting my earning potential.

I've been to multiple therapists, tried the anti depressants, weed, alcohol, and sobriety. 

Hope is lost. I've exhausted all options to improve my situation. There is no incentive for me to work hard or cooperate with others, because your skin is the #1 thing that determines what you can have in this society. 

They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but my problems are permanent. I seriously want to just go trap myself and be crushed to death at this machine I am staring at at work right now. The only thing stopping me is the thought of my sister having to tell her kids that their uncle killed himself.",5.876575630252103,7.0142124873949605,6.671754201680673,73.72342962184875,66.98319327731093,9.983613445378152,33.36239495798319,10.125756701596842,3.5430243697479,1004,44,176,24,16,332,149,238,0.252,0.657,0.09,-0.9942,1,0,1,0,0,3,29.0,0,2,3,7,11,12,2,0,7,0,24,9,4,0,1,24,35,12,5,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,10,9,2,2,2,1,2,4,2,9,1,0,8,4,29,3,34,26,2,28,1,2,1,1,11,14,1,3,9,128,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738105445078488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874185347967241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733403594073858,0.2350890010623317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290423541407971,0.0,0.11072008701650167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084906185606225,0.0,0.21661815241249946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716216658161131,0.0,0.2922321330540777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515571701461058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767934050691135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844434694941421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079879820099697,0.0,0.1288410579283807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032771368904126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776820930618033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601033424279284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562230161512635,0.10978115663731522,0.0,0.1022282677011042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633804243413372,0.1444957953420477,0.12864302361739913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266034476259372,0.10747371176811826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812260783491349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123585288266196,0.0,0.0,0.14925667419489938,0.17080606330373785,0.0,0.1262999052666785,0.10205448865584103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455427636191226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516444608946316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558205565979207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743442663457188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655642104720501
suicidewatch,runsforvoid,2018/03/29,How does it work? I’ve purchased what I hope to be a lethal amount of heroin to ingest. I’ve never don’t drugs like it before and don’t know how to go about it. Tired of being asked why are you sad or what’s wrong. The best help would be telling me it’s ok.. ,0.43610169491525497,1.6234976949152546,2.0120000000000005,101.65461016949152,80.52542372881356,4.7200000000000015,15.189830508474572,3.1291,-1.399836610169492,200,2,53,0,5,65,44,59,0.214,0.64,0.146,-0.5588,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,1,7,3,0,2,1,8,11,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,7,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609606179527924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375297640441789,0.0,0.2929429015354768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427954082047384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237167549327292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864315323409736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710337807430374,0.0,0.0,0.2772515529921981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340945419376892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363749578265863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529195567348755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439829065957048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208333163563469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188274817801043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321911279072105,0.0,0.0,0.19829487006158647,0.30519857564337965,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weightmotivator,2018/03/29,"After losing the weight that made me feel suicidal, now I have excess skin that makes me feel the same way. At this point it just feels like I’ll always be a monster like what people called me in high school. How could I ever be confident in a deformed body? It feels and looks disgusting.

Don’t ever get fat because even if you do the work and lose the weight that shit will follow you to the fucking grave.",5.322804878048778,5.555970060975613,5.1962439024390275,87.01826829268295,67.90243902439025,8.023414634146341,24.936585365853663,7.554174236665415,1.0103726829268291,323,7,67,3,5,100,60,82,0.208,0.706,0.086,-0.9099,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,3,6,8,3,0,7,0,7,7,4,3,2,15,17,4,2,2,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,8,7,2,5,12,1,11,0,3,1,1,3,5,2,1,6,43,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421180081010444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041171610515194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971859465021693,0.0,0.0,0.1744043326649644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636867903125635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128107775491755,0.30899398615586626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454433502009097,0.12201845996259425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790043183951707,0.0892351502998544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045795936673736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668870086070636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342769677485273,0.3821595951995929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161364054816682,0.11400930393864107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184101524659776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614597595956879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728571685306926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532217338772504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682580273247654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557187421326009,0.0,0.41597304230757576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434331920582725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-am-nic,2018/03/29,"I need reasons to be alive. If you're one of the few to be reading this, thank you. I would give you a hug if I could. This is a post where I just ask you name a reason why you will live another day.

I'm 26, male, white and a foreigner. I've moved my life abroad to be with my wife, and after 4 years of trying to make it work, we're finally together after endless Whatsapp calls falling asleep on. 

I've been looking for work for 2 years and I've had 3 interviews for about 1000 applications. I have 3 degrees, two technical in humanitarian work, but I can't find a job. Anywhere. 

Obviously, I'm broke. I have no friends because I've been moving so often that even my old network has eroded. I've given everything to be with the woman I love that I left 'me' somewhere in history. I can't even afford to hangout with people on Meetup let alone pay for a transport ticket. 

I could serve coffee somewhere, or wash dishes in a kitchen for money for a living, but my whole life I've wanted to help people on an international level. I wanted to be a war correspondent to give a voice to the voiceless. Then I realised that journalists don't change the world, they just describe it (IMO, the most noble and necessary profession in the world right now). I then went to study conflict resolution and international policy. I just interned at the UN for 6 months in Geneva. Guess what? The world will always be fucked with war, famine and general disregard for the other. Being inside, they don't care, I could see. I could hear. I watched. They're all just fucking bureaucrats. 

And so my general care? I don't have any. Joy? I haven't been happy in two years, or since I graduated. 

Now my best beta to land a job are becoming fluent in a language I struggle with (I didn't know we'd get the visa the day before the deadline!), or learning programming languages like python or CSS, which is what I'm doing in my spare time. 

But what the fuck for? Only to be shunned because I'll be too old for being a programmer with no experience?  I'll likely be only fluent in two years before I can secure a ngo job. Even those that I qualify for, non-profit or private, how the fuck am I supposed to support myself if an entry-level job requires 3 years experience. WHY WONT YOU GIVE IT TO ME YOU DEPLORABLE FUCKS. 

So now what? I've wasted 8 years of my life travelling, studying, preparing myself to draft international policy to come to the end of a two year job searching period to not come close to an offer. 

My wife is the only thing in the world for me, and I know if I keep being this pathetic she'll leave me for some start-up jock. If I die, she's 25, she'll find another. She may never love again. She may kill herself in time afterwards. She may forget I existed by the time she turns 30. 

 I cannot afford to leave the flat. I'm a fucking deadweight. I'm lonely. I'm broke. I have no hope in international governance and the future security of our planet. I can't find jobs at call centres. Coffeeshops aren't even getting back to me. I can't land a job anywhere in the world where I yearned to help people. I don't have faith in people anymore. More so, i don't care anymore. I just don't. Countless fucking hours volunteering and unpaid internships for the world to say ""Fuck you"" to me. 

It's obvious I'm a useless piece of fucking shit and all I'm good for is cleaning the kitchen. If I die, the world will keep turning. My family will mourn, but will keep living their lives. My wife? The same.

My mom passed in January. She was my guardian. She wouldn't have been able to help me, but after a psilocybin journey I experienced last year, I realised that as her child, I am eternally with her. So this is where I want to be. Eternally with my creator in the infinite cosmos where the world can't hurt either of us again. 

So Reddit stranger? What are your reasons for being alive? What justifies your existence according to yourself?

I have none. My wife and family love me, but thats it. My family are in Africa, and my wife wants nothing to do with it. The world wants nothing from me, and me nothing from the world. Clearly I should just become ash and float into nature's cosmic order.

All I want to do is scream and hurt. This is constantly in my mind. I hate this fucking world. We're all just conscious soil so what the fuck is the point of continuing suffering if there is no need to suffer anymore? I could just end it. I could hop in front of a train, or jump off my building or cut my wrists when my wife is at work.

I believe it's the most noble thing for someone to kill themselves. There are too many people already. Humans as a species are grossly inhumane. We don't fucking care about anyone unless they're our family or friend. So why should you? What makes my life more significant than a child in Yemen, or a mother in DRC? I'm waiting...

I'll always be because it's not. I'm not the future, clearly the workplace has decided that. I'm not a parent, so I can't bring joy into the world. I can't offer anyone anything unless it's a hug. In other words, I don't belong here.

What is my reason to be alive?  I dont have one. 

My wife can move on. My family will die in 40 or so years. What is point of human consciousness? What have we got to be grateful for?

I don't know. I can think. I can move. I can be kind, courteous, willing, unselfish, and all the fucking sanctimonious adjectives you can think of, but the world doesn't give a flying fuck.

Unless you have a contact at an animal sanctuary where I can live my days, I don't see myself living out 2018. 






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suicidewatch,viewtifulshoe,2018/03/29,Questioning Suicide No one to talk to right now. Suicide Hotline is lagging. Best friend is younger brother but don't want him to know I'm sad,1.4146428571428549,4.12182975,1.8900000000000008,93.98000000000002,90.78571428571428,4.228571428571429,32.0,5.985473137389443,1.6596857142857142,115,7,22,1,4,35,24,28,0.414,0.459,0.127,-0.8240000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282138940090418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416313938198641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188030184319333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192882686273454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503537795892979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670884708934205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6841997802024674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25137818416830404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446921320756626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,osmosian,2018/03/29,"I am 4k in debt, severely depressed and have no way of getting help So I'm an idiot and didn't pay rent and owe a shit ton to the bank too. And round about now seems like a good time to end it. I've wanted to die for over ten years now, and tried a few times. But I really want to suceed now, with all of my heart. Can't see any way out of anything, want to end my fat disgusting existence. Need a foolproof plan. Kind of wish my country allowed guns tbh ",1.4090151515151526,2.595656707070709,2.943320707070708,96.00164772727275,77.8888888888889,6.566161616161617,21.465909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.2813727272727271,350,9,87,4,8,115,74,99,0.219,0.627,0.154,-0.8905,4,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,6,0,4,3,3,1,1,16,14,7,1,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,1,0,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,5,3,15,13,3,13,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,1,9,47,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820023430636827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723718029964948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503773088490865,0.0,0.2109158699905149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35999475064609016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106176878618307,0.0,0.0,0.17045581542867952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408230660094365,0.13621769531740927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116279708422194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928566039448614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068905185528356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301913889161039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619443243970762,0.1850087627263436,0.0,0.22958684524275114,0.20860794272586805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370047187700986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797669995550435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596028017793946,0.3226217109295592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23369916937764196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087048835348153
suicidewatch,blackzetsu95,2018/03/29,"Please read carefully and be serious I am 23 years old and a male and i wouldnt go as far as to say im suicidal, but i fantasize about my death everyday and throughout the day. it doesnt matter if its a good day or not. Im not depressed or sad in general, my life is not great but its not the worst...or perhaps with meditation i learned to consider how small my provlems are in comparison to anothers or the worlds. Yes i do get sad, yes i sometimes feel depressed for a moment, but i dont think its anymore than anyone else who is a normal human being with everyday problems. My thing is, i dont wajt to deal with everyday problems nor do i particularly want to live in pure happiness, if thats even possible. Basically, the way i feel is that this world has good things about it and bad things about it. If it were practical to only surround oneself with what you perciece is good for oneself, then maybe i would be more enthusiastic to live. But i am not. I dont want to have kids necessarily, but like most things i am open to doing it just because it is within my power to do so. For example, i wanted to draw a portrait of my freind because i thought she was very aestheticly pretty, so i taught myself to sketch just to do that, and now i dont even draw anymore bevause its just pointless to me, im not inspired by anything and i feel like i proved to myself i can do it already, which is good enough for me. ive done similar things with other skills if the inspiration is there, and only while it lasts, but the one thing that always cones back into my mind is how i would just like to die. I dont want to control how i die necessarily, but i take alot of risks knowing i could die just because i could die so why not? I think it may be because im such a dreamer, i prefer fantasy to reality. Maybe that might be the disorder idk...Sometimes i feel like i have to remind myself to breath correctly, because im so removed from even my own body at times that it just feels like a burden. Mainly, the things that make me feel actual depression most of the time is thinking about all the people and responsibilities i would be abandoning, the example i will set for my freinds, and family if i was to say, die tonight. Because i know people are afraid of death and treat it like the plague, and i know most people who want to die want to do so because they're not in there right mind. But me, i know myself very well and i know i wouldnt mind dying. I just yearn for something different. A different set of rules to live by. A new perspective on existence. Experiencing different dimensions as a different kind of dimensional being. All of this sounds crazy, and maybe thats the catch 22 with crazy...that it makes sense only to the one who is crazy. Im definitely a well mannered and disciplined guy, with great potential and alot of confidence. I just dont feel like i really owe anyone or anything for being alive. I didnt ask to be alive. And the fact that there is so much pain in this world doesnt help either, but pain is just a part of the whole im not too caught up on that. I havent always fantasized about death, in fact i remmeber crying as a kid asking my grandma why do we have to die. Now i feel like its as valid an option and reality as someone deciding they want to be a baseball player or a doctor. Why do people really believe its okay to want to live but not okay to want to die? When i try to figure out why other people feel a certain way about the whole thing the only thing i can logically understand is how most things that live struggle to continue living, constantly fighting against death in some way or another. But to me thats only out of fear, the same way a cat is afraid of the water. To us, the cat is silly to be afriad of something so good as water. Its even funny to watch the cat react to being sprayed with water and panicking in fear. Now imagine some other lifeform looking at us like were so silly to fear and fight against death. To them, death is not even truly the end. Just a thought i have often. Despite how much i rationalized this in my head probably lol, i still feel its iresponsible and uncaring to die when people still value your presence. What if my death causes my sister to sink into depression, or my brother  or my cousin, or mother etc... This doesnt make me want to live, it just complicates me truly wanting to die. Ive seeked help and tried committing to the idea that this is all in my head and i can be ""fixed"" or ""cured"" but even when i was prescribed certain medications they affected me as if i was normal (my brain chemistry i mean) as were the words from my psychiatrists that tried to offer some sort of help. Once someone runs out of ideas to help you you just become ""too damaged to fix"" as of something is so wrong with you that you are the problem and nothing can help you. This angers me sometimes because maybe theres nothing necessarily ""wrong"" with me other than that i dont fit in with life.  I can enjoy life just as much and even more than some people i know. Sometimes it feels like a chore or a job more than anything else. Idk but im very interested in hearing all opinions. I hope to hear something different though than the common ""you have to find your purpose, life is what you make it"" thing people love to repeat. I just feel tired of HAVING to do so, with only the illusion of true choice.",4.746104858996425,5.33593370250232,5.710171984641862,81.57800787766452,69.25023169601482,8.871923738911693,28.852654574341322,8.962978041234663,2.1419905362107774,4231,145,862,73,70,1398,371,1079,0.204,0.67,0.125,-0.9988,8,0,4,0,3,2,109.0,3,10,3,3,62,65,3,7,51,5,93,18,5,13,13,213,147,89,19,33,57,4,12,10,0,8,9,5,1,5,68,44,3,3,37,2,1,5,26,29,2,2,13,20,113,36,140,111,29,72,0,9,2,1,45,32,0,35,39,618,181,5,0.0,0.0,0.03181923726882745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035982079958036935,0.0,0.054262434669607736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838150967715452,0.0,0.0,0.06467376626647274,0.04559844131065455,0.033409209161647684,0.08049710567588474,0.0,0.060965345785831036,0.0,0.0,0.02507238330963158,0.0272250627987349,0.15901294213260456,0.036011313880522505,0.0,0.03673635601721872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621846726312771,0.0,0.036399633971220514,0.0,0.0,0.03324449652955483,0.03349585401886882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352360392994316,0.036570958674040116,0.05206726885486003,0.0,0.035816705579328936,0.0420569858507063,0.03361586638643931,0.11233571143341499,0.0,0.3722443527892453,0.17033424574060013,0.03736987015173118,0.0333741310629686,0.0,0.03336776689289808,0.26750199932333524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447708809420889,0.0,0.02887967798548087,0.03369122739236465,0.03636486299672957,0.15075398501596934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03073850321705932,0.11007412191483544,0.1978418935726999,0.13976452669176753,0.0,0.0,0.02980174729851633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01703554876006911,0.0,0.018531023511028272,0.13674391227921898,0.0,0.07189755552088685,0.0,0.032285558152920134,0.0,0.03471022208884336,0.0,0.0,0.06692734524754226,0.0,0.07349978317476934,0.0,0.10927723722723262,0.0,0.0,0.03238560846925514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361753187285909,0.2817648942064914,0.0,0.032356916743658475,0.0,0.0,0.03395464872571141,0.10751806722917807,0.02657864676947708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212373172799153,0.15929887286536812,0.0,0.20154493796475656,0.0,0.027381245100636057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0294286363451958,0.0,0.08706035905456096,0.0,0.13103043432195316,0.03551803386555352,0.0,0.032847615082216626,0.0,0.034590340272978935,0.0987697999023651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190858055359317,0.0,0.0,0.031491557729781586,0.0,0.0,0.06389488756938738,0.06257362603698945,0.0,0.03421503331935686,0.0347248548609344,0.044190012099653314,0.1487922604280095,0.06939122290817235,0.0,0.0,0.035309658483171226,0.0,0.18084191435712035,0.0,0.0,0.035792141866894264,0.0,0.036758925851591184,0.0,0.033172529425802684,0.035155318358901205,0.09360004131302366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032615320515238966,0.0,0.041777113489923266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027845770052090837,0.0,0.051859989863887984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525475774152418,0.10040829678098692,0.128994636064139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052079180822838585,0.0,0.0,0.034087390015982245,0.0,0.035666215178586966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02451602761549209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23828538333628266,0.0626787795438265,0.032035717489073766,0.0517718324517693,0.03802622092036463,0.037476371386463266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641301280748366,0.0,0.0,0.03394451303011691,0.0784432016782553,0.0,0.0,0.08071132390277617,0.21155372236900247,0.10352607760028466,0.0,0.0,0.058634312893667564,0.0,0.11768916674573265,0.07280797831709372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948815926153251,0.07130017105036003,0.0,0.02099751485080284
suicidewatch,K1mbacat,2018/03/29,"I am losing hope again This is going to be long, and I’m so sorry.

I don’t know what else I can do. For as long as I can remember I have been clinically severely depressed. The next illness I developed was anxiety. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD, borderline personality traits, and for a while there I had psychosis.
For years I was self destructive. I have been in an abusive relationship, I have battled drug addictions and I once found myself in a situation that resulted in me being raped. I have had a bad run and I have seriously and purposefully attempted to take my own life, and I have been suicidal for most of my life- even as a child.

October last year something changed. I woke up one day and I didn’t feel self destructive. I didn’t want to hurt myself in any way I could. I felt amazing, the best I have ever felt. Suddenly there was hope that I could get better after previously thinking I’d always either be trapped by and in my mental illnesses or I would end it.
I started doing well. I had stopped taking my medication before hand in August and, even though that wasn’t a smart idea at the time,  for the first time I felt like I wouldn’t need it to be okay. I knew I could beat this. I started being able to do normal every day tasks that had been impossible before, my psychosis symptoms went away, and soon after I stopped even wanting to take drugs or alcohol. I haven’t done party or hard drugs since mid-December and my last joint was a few days into January. I even quit smoking (after starting at 15 and being a heavy smoker for 10 years)! I honestly felt like I would be okay. For the first time in my life I had hope.

Then I crashed. I fell harder than I had ever fallen. To go from being so high and hopeful and doing so well to suddenly being, what I feel is, the worst I have ever been. Regret hit me and it hit me hard. I thought I had felt regret in the past but what I was feeling- what I still feel is on a whole new level that I could not have previously even comprehended. Suddenly all those feeling I had pushed down and numbed with drugs, alcohol and self destruction came rushing to the surface and let me tell you- it was, and still is, crippling.

So I went back to the acute care team. I asked to not be put on medication, I didn’t like it and I was still hoping I could beat this on my own.
My memory is a bit hazy (the worse I get the worse my memory is, I can’t remember whole periods of my life) so I’m not really sure what happened with the ACT, but I conceded defeat maybe just over two months ago (again, bad memory sorry) and I made a doctors appointment, organised a mental health care plan and started on a new medication.

This is it. I can’t go the next year changing medication to find one that does slightly more than nothing (so far even the medication that has worked for me has done barely anything). If this medication doesn’t work I am going to enquire about electroconvulsive therapy and I truly believe that will be my last option.

I don’t know what I can do. I don’t have enough support even though I have cried and I have screamed for help. I don’t particularly want to kill myself, but the only way I could go on the way that I am is by making myself not care again. If I do that I know I’ll get sucked back into self destructive habits and I will probably end up dead anyway. It’s not something I want. I am so scared that I will end up self destructive again.

I just... my mind is such a confused mess. I have so many negative feelings and thoughts and unless I focus on one I feel like I am actually in shock and I don’t know what to do, think or feel. It’s like I’m so overloaded that I’m almost numb.


I’m not sure what I wanted to achieve with this post. I guess it’s just another cry for help. I just feel so alone. I feel like nobody cares. I’ve been mentally unwell for so long, I don’t blame the people closest to me for being tired of it.

There’s two last things that I want to say. The first is I really hope this makes sense and doesn’t sound messy. I’m four valiums deep in the hope that I’ll sleep (I think my chances are good).
And lastly I want to say thank you if you’ve read this far. You don’t know me and to even just listen to my story is showing more compassion than anyone in my life has lately and it means a lot so thanks :)",2.893109243697477,4.338095072398193,4.418853264382676,85.87446606334841,74.52036199095022,7.856858435681965,24.28015513897867,8.505502328695277,1.4340876405946994,3380,103,722,62,70,1130,334,884,0.165,0.7070000000000001,0.127,-0.9908,0,2,9,0,2,3,93.0,0,3,0,16,50,58,9,2,34,2,109,31,2,4,6,140,194,63,3,30,23,0,18,6,0,6,28,5,0,7,43,39,2,2,32,3,0,15,24,26,2,9,42,23,118,32,81,125,15,114,0,6,0,1,19,34,1,20,67,507,161,6,0.04150025948430988,0.0491710213162568,0.040498266772285234,0.0452414085062682,0.0,0.0,0.03678747605046788,0.08870231270779266,0.04155651517347398,0.042981753002337336,0.0,0.033187742515971834,0.03453154040741803,0.0,0.0,0.028221599553866918,0.04351664054358175,0.03174758491429168,0.0,0.0,0.02901794636052458,0.0,0.03415117750431386,0.0,0.038797140494596524,0.0,0.038990859890513034,0.06382227577058883,0.06930196640480406,0.0,0.0,0.07062732836521292,0.046756581047418484,0.04355196196624057,0.0367036070310571,0.0453075348838955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746524105477573,0.16924912156624242,0.0,0.08780354359273326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880748174823776,0.0,0.09117217268291312,0.08029270240971874,0.0,0.035744112682910174,0.04212188980297518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424772740987553,0.036317156740033066,0.08493834806957402,0.0,0.0,0.1925085021656706,0.0,0.034668141602155006,0.0,0.1102707359204525,0.042880861765923386,0.0,0.21928423992894244,0.11261808191475825,0.034965758507045815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983778138544196,0.08894338100320473,0.1992337860734724,0.0,0.03793048532806709,0.1059002985508098,0.0,0.045502892476482835,0.0,0.0,0.06504651816152493,0.0,0.11792776919394207,0.034808448688964155,0.0,0.0,0.04571721460259205,0.0,0.036698542405263546,0.0,0.07435216203249713,0.0,0.0,0.0441128351921984,0.0,0.0,0.05563349828881488,0.04384730266752802,0.0,0.2885338514568688,0.0,0.0,0.04442688610673607,0.04684874152883998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045913888344403235,0.0,0.11403728643514532,0.16914125222780446,0.046814100322369434,0.0,0.0,0.042436827051311465,0.14656430291124795,0.12164958314974272,0.0,0.0,0.11017927111982408,0.0,0.0464281750076832,0.0,0.03528203655023705,0.0,0.03926854895834938,0.05540349092114606,0.042074749393798835,0.04169258866598851,0.04520594879637272,0.0,0.25084287229025143,0.12546750178494673,0.0,0.041903431685019525,0.0,0.033125111184805704,0.0,0.0,0.030771916559737232,0.0,0.08016241842886344,0.08827199354348489,0.0,0.04066144295522231,0.039820618243383114,0.0,0.0,0.04419642192884121,0.08436494958517687,0.03156281741113171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03961669353001487,0.028771054556437924,0.0362364258420694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974577685468108,0.0,0.0447442988445921,0.0,0.04851158251042476,0.041719223230314594,0.0,0.04414063432947603,0.04151149004390983,0.0,0.05317225780105244,0.0,0.0,0.044555747647599744,0.09402340800725774,0.0,0.0,0.06600534408074257,0.041548999522596566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646910756210086,0.046883480638049625,0.0,0.034329443497269525,0.046648030453074966,0.041530230475390346,0.0,0.0,0.06389785454051275,0.0,0.09291228563279544,0.1174963890546314,0.0,0.09942648249672137,0.06939215037498453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539454811115815,0.04709400266246993,0.0782270068571299,0.043134659769752094,0.0936090910835492,0.0,0.03627305598726757,0.0764157263948953,0.04745916350378564,0.0,0.0275709283571244,0.07977507171153762,0.08154758847001631,0.06589314081314779,0.07259740512464193,0.047698443342421314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107944658523633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134549794945142,0.09882292290170754,0.0,0.0,0.07462743451439423,0.07694231263052677,0.0,0.09266711530904892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042536634056508,0.0,0.0845846197617373,0.05896118727408011,0.0,0.0,0.10689922587376596
suicidewatch,aniiez,2018/03/29,"My life is pointless I have been really depressed lately. When I talk to my friend, he doesnt really, truly understand how serious I am. the problem is that I would never actually do it, but I am finding it too hard to deal with nights and days alone like this. I wish I was never born, because my life simply has no purpose. I was born into an average family, without father. Mom took care of me and brother my whole life while my father doesnt know wheather I am alive at this very moment. I am now at university, 3rd year, I have good grades, but I simply figured out it is not my passion. I made a mistake by choosing this university. I have always tried really hard in my life to have everything in balance. My mother struggles with money a lot so I always had to have good grades and pass all of my exams so that state would fund me. but what is the point? My country is a poor one, and so I am going on a program to the US so that I would earn money to pay Masters degree for myself in another country. Or will that also be a mistake? 
I am really scared, I will work in NY, have 2 jobs and barely eat so that I could save up money. But again, what for? My friends already started to forget me. Because the second they find boyfriend's, they no longer care for me. But how can I blame them? I am also desperate for that kind of love which never seemed to find way into my life. So nothing in my love live either is keeping me alive. My 1 year boyfriend left me and cheated on me in October and ever since then I stopped feeling emotions, as if i were dead inside. Nothing inspired me nor gave me happyness and that was when I made my decision to apply for the J1 US visa. But again, what for? 
Because I completely felt emotionless, there was this one guy online I really clicked well, talked to about a month or so and he made a decision to buy me ticket to see him. We spent FANTASTIC 4 days together, but now that we are separated I dont know how I can look forward to anything about this relationship since he will be coming in May (for something that was planned before we even met) and I am supposed to leave 2 days after. And then what? I will leave to the US for 4 months because of money, BUT STILL WHAT FOR? 
He is also going on a 1month vacation in Asia, so god knows how we will communicate, and I am scared he will forget me and then want me back again before he is supposed to come.
AGAIN, what for? 
All of this is pointless... I just wish I were dead right now. ",3.612859672421422,4.636349278884463,4.892158034528553,84.82481518370962,72.14741035856574,7.729172200088534,26.89265161575918,8.07648339933343,1.5905947764497563,1926,65,397,27,36,640,227,502,0.147,0.726,0.127,-0.4336,1,1,1,0,0,0,57.0,7,0,3,4,34,24,1,3,15,0,54,9,0,7,6,84,83,47,2,11,15,5,4,1,2,10,5,0,0,1,25,24,1,2,15,1,10,7,11,9,1,3,17,7,73,15,56,53,5,63,0,1,3,3,33,21,0,6,36,298,98,8,0.0,0.0,0.07302816705517888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750649320941312,0.0825822858030172,0.17953657263420894,0.12453743345240376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847102477658782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158283044406367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754349739241019,0.0,0.18247489095805186,0.0,0.1273581500047168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525985444411697,0.0,0.0,0.12892745607945522,0.07846307599704744,0.0,0.0,0.0597496598663716,0.0,0.0,0.1447871563950842,0.07715160126036315,0.06445527772643013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770606522056491,0.0,0.0,0.07657488981556719,0.0,0.08417930494389078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049427813158468836,0.06769254386242057,0.0,0.0,0.06725687457643004,0.0,0.0705477799167963,0.0,0.037838825645721455,0.0,0.07185333779452659,0.0,0.20519350874426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563467410608233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506091263178095,0.12553609862281306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409841770691909,0.0,0.0,0.13407492573333493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742621924398341,0.06651678840401226,0.0,0.07792913885683926,0.1233820802919534,0.0,0.08441714204963209,0.15847892398840255,0.08130844883989419,0.0,0.264290875891341,0.03656060200635506,0.0,0.06608067797147728,0.0,0.06284255415974445,0.0,0.0,0.06362204273395985,0.1350830224537474,0.2124320655105648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764585010200263,0.11946516955539635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731521013533261,0.0,0.0,0.0702275800899542,0.0,0.14361240581823498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142026845330407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074326587659696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160699040467629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397060933021,0.0,0.0,0.08034478613055224,0.0,0.06390868297576646,0.0,0.0,0.14984578452074396,0.0,0.05963380782224593,0.06812697538447017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380857426449594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057611640790581564,0.0,0.0,0.05296859972124758,0.0,0.05976332941445259,0.0625654127174948,0.0,0.0782337927063052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029908011601655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314444096602981,0.05080805418607672,0.0,0.0,0.07790587647424843,0.2700518803187114,0.0,0.0,0.0617467141593093,0.044139623197647485,0.059400541453013274,0.0,0.0,0.06728565428812641,0.0,0.0,0.08355060742922854,0.1721131185890008,0.07213827161450602,0.0,0.05448077287234688,0.0,0.0,0.15948191529655328,0.0,0.0,0.0963825756923642
suicidewatch,SixArmedSamsara,2018/03/29,"Options for a Friend with Nothing I'm not too sure what to do..  I became friends with someone that others warned against, due to them being a walking disaster.  Because I refuse to let such chaos control who I am kind to.  But, I have no idea how to get them on some kind of stable path.

She's 21, alone, and has a 2 year old daughter.  Her entire family are absolute savages.  And she struggles as a result of never having a healthy support structure.  She's at least stopped all recreational drug use and puts her daughter first.  And she doesn't have a history of addiction.  But...  between being a horrible driver and getting into constant wrecks, having no assistance from family and nearly no friends, she simply can not get a break.

I help her out occasionally, financially.  She never asks, and is extremely ashamed to ask for help.  And there's really never a week that goes by where she doesn't consider suicide.

Unfortunately, I'm stuck with a complicated room mate situation and I'm having trouble finding good people who are okay with living with a single mother.  I really don't know many people myself, I guess.

I don't even think she can go to a halfway house, due to not have a bad history/record with abuse/drugs/etc.  And she doesn't need someone looking over her.

She just needs good people in her life.  A good room mate.  And...  I dunno.  I wish she could get a job where she didn't have to drive at all.  She's just had her fourth wreck in under two months.  And constantly repairing her car is destroying all of her attempts to become independent.

I'm not even sure what to ask...  I'm doing what I can..

I've crawled out of this void myself over many, many years.  But I at least had one or two people there for me.  Seeing so many horrible, horrible people in one person's life - and not a single good person - is just too cruel.  And I can't do enough.

Anyways.. thanks for any tips. ",3.163112872595164,5.298484264305177,4.309125588308152,83.97639748988526,75.56675749318798,7.173280488811824,25.01766988687969,8.101407402915765,1.5834039963669395,1483,51,283,25,33,484,186,367,0.18,0.703,0.117,-0.9669,1,1,2,0,1,1,60.0,0,0,2,3,15,20,2,2,16,1,33,4,0,5,8,62,58,21,1,4,12,3,0,0,5,0,4,0,2,2,9,23,0,3,4,0,0,5,18,6,0,5,4,2,39,14,45,50,9,38,0,0,2,0,41,18,0,5,14,200,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372016742284572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903916169958198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584626589325233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24111149206445298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178149519030541,0.052406613463432776,0.09494729078205917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858064096450932,0.0964228480783322,0.0686401797583943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996980954449517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883015972814902,0.095879457013306,0.11356496381232566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620900371943356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857517156840324,0.07312617679248523,0.0,0.0,0.19926100419724865,0.0,0.1796634476732134,0.0,0.048858824857885126,0.2884307758373412,0.0,0.0,0.0947058269874038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524797626987973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919802561183676,0.0,0.09704984978582576,0.0,0.0,0.08531212143672122,0.0,0.0,0.1790493907919596,0.047246953311226234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791031639946001,0.12144653723724548,0.0,0.0,0.07591322904034818,0.0,0.07219328484293569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486410072237045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862056396211101,0.0,0.0,0.12749157319011592,0.19891646896429035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249069009719319,0.0,0.09021122440766896,0.0,0.11651121484789377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980044321108615,0.15013166074410572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642375900729167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101493757135106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850708937508586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966340653033044,0.0,0.0,0.14568448037699344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187490581856869,0.0,0.08987468056808283,0.0,0.0940374048803702,0.09755792226334226,0.16205172256346842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914977570244862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055086209174492265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796071473918006,0.0,0.0,0.07425061819911404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896007917730654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988614447776627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107239327537058
suicidewatch,bradleyjr001,2018/03/29,I guess it has come to an end no more reasons to move on. March 10th 2017 was when all this when deep before that I was still depressed but I had reason to move on all my life savings everything I ever worked for in this life went down the drain within the twinkle of an eye and I can never stop blaming my self for all that happened because It was all my fault and I think taking away my own life would be a fare decision. I got involved in a Binary Option scam lost everything life now seems worthless as I have no reason to move on again where do I start ? my rents are due I have no where to love no one to turn to I guess this is the end am out of this world afterall what impact would I have made even am just a clumpsy stupid person that believes in everyone I meet it was a shity planet after all. Bye,3.24656862745098,4.073654970588237,4.233823529411765,89.9405392156863,72.82352941176471,7.0784313725490176,23.57843137254902,7.1686216300943375,0.7043725490196078,635,16,140,6,12,206,103,170,0.175,0.762,0.063,-0.9616,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,1,0,9,0,18,6,1,4,7,27,32,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,11,4,0,1,6,0,1,5,5,5,0,1,9,1,18,2,23,20,7,33,0,3,1,1,6,14,0,4,15,105,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005237154282278,0.0,0.0,0.0778927592696519,0.0,0.10873033179810083,0.1439629301774533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007010605041813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100556773645649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22634814750937216,0.0,0.0,0.08439668014297963,0.11558322343950335,0.0,0.1220981016676916,0.2296786593752391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219636446732117,0.0,0.2815254677011499,0.0,0.11299435458176985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610157292744836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394856344428849,0.0,0.11532533921969106,0.12090737272101892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074258687431519,0.0,0.0,0.0985508736896082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658620935976065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157150344444024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941336070631529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632500374228348,0.13330113673595445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044247929730044,0.0,0.10204430005228513,0.1068287829810088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607374150510024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187548377458839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898662179080518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118452210713254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302447484998576,0.0,0.0,0.18154076060672086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Reto,2018/03/29,"Quick and save ways out? My biggest fear is to survive, or survive handicaped, thus i'm looking for save (and if possible painfree and/or quick) methods to go out. 
I've considered shooting myself, but the risk of survival is rather high. 
I've considered stabbing or cuting myself but i assume it'd be slow and painful. 
I've also considered using sleeping pills but the potent ones are basically impossible to get by without prescription here in Switzerland.

P. S. No, i wont tell you the reasons why i want to do it, they are very personal. But be assured, there are good reasons and i've been planning this for quite a while but have not found the way of exactly how i'll do it. ",4.607175572519086,6.2679474656488585,5.282358778625955,80.5232328244275,70.5267175572519,8.293435114503817,33.710687022900764,8.841846274778883,2.994403969465648,542,27,99,10,10,175,89,131,0.085,0.82,0.095,0.09,0,0,1,1,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,5,7,8,0,2,5,0,13,3,1,5,2,29,20,15,0,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,1,8,5,13,14,0,12,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,4,4,65,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668684724604266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345493680057253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854021130935295,0.0,0.0,0.10889963396836512,0.0,0.11845944652750715,0.17482691287895755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202249411322824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503443012335698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124218158412732,0.0,0.22179146917268272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199898881861934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349811929564349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216982118708397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286155259507313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858734757306305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821829652796368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800224864551321,0.0,0.17198220329159952,0.12294143507631353,0.3308948867933571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880818070664866,0.0,0.0,0.20092565349957367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckmeiamdone,2018/03/29,"i want to blow my brains out my friends and i parted away

i have no best friend

i used to lie to myself that i enjoy solitude
well it's getting excessive now

i feel like the creature in frankenstein
has to endure the endless isolation

the worst part is that
i am the problem and my own punishment.",2.253,4.563876966666665,3.256666666666668,89.525,79.33333333333334,6.0,26.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.3646666666666674,238,10,47,3,6,76,44,60,0.2,0.537,0.263,0.5719,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,1,0,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,7,8,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,11,6,7,8,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475534833073166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276511980497098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29413717490118024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332262839478554,0.1882342327261716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071367877775721,0.0,0.1376604003529219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287258011072537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706586610830818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521202250203414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756704182441054,0.0,0.0,0.15541068923596632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690528262524904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhiteFurRedEyes,2018/03/29,"Only option is to die. I dont want to die but its my only option. Im unemployed, not at college, doing nothing with my life, ugly, unfit with awful posture, depressed, i always seem stupid in social situations, no friends, me and my 'dad' hate each other he even said i might aswell be dead. Im a 18y male and suicide is the only way out. I went to the gym for 3 months but go nowhere and now im too depressed to go back. Fml",0.07833333333333314,2.1445157222222235,2.7355555555555564,91.48000000000002,86.22222222222223,4.488888888888889,20.11111111111111,5.6839178017228535,-0.042422222222221695,325,10,70,2,10,113,65,90,0.403,0.562,0.035,-0.9931,2,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,3,1,6,1,0,0,0,15,13,5,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,1,8,1,10,9,1,10,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,4,3,41,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329131884222991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122827161269845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27516084877528113,0.0,0.3315615982529321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720945902413566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550415343422932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341167471936705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156335480161456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770627749776994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176270292120578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128262949117722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694547044299487,0.0,0.0,0.12749978982894986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327104650501636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36445938827592944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194556117593222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541769915915426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955001103300888,0.0,0.16283078526657194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472531069443306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942164599401413,0.12679104008592454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807691715530552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EitrisGift,2018/03/29,"I've chosen a time and place, decided on a method, now all I have to do is wait. With every passing moment I am closer to the day I can just say ""goodbye"" to everyone I care about, and then just disappear.

I've been in the same band for 10 years and made a lot of friends, it was decided that we would split up after one last big show, it will be recorded and streamed, and it is guaranteed to be a sold out event already.

The band coming to an end is not the only reason I am going to kill myself, I've struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember and have been treated off and on for 15 years.

I've just reached the point where death will solve any and all problems, past present and future. The only thing that has stopped me all this time is the guilt I feel preemptively, but I know that once I am gone, I will not be able to feel anything at all, so I won't feel guilty about it.

I'm not sure why I posted this here, perhaps it's a first draft of the note I'll leave, because I'll be able to say goodbye in person and on the recording, and I don't have a specific reason that I need to explain.",10.60285714285714,4.624122794117646,10.093172268907566,75.68748949579835,62.655462184873954,13.244537815126051,40.674369747899156,8.841846274778883,3.404872268907564,867,26,201,8,8,284,132,238,0.077,0.877,0.046,-0.5993,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,1,9,8,1,2,16,0,27,1,0,3,5,46,41,16,2,3,7,0,3,0,1,5,1,2,0,1,12,16,0,2,10,3,1,5,5,4,0,2,6,5,18,4,30,26,6,38,0,0,0,0,8,14,0,1,18,134,30,0,0.2869294530559155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583168932000203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756093365410873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805924594559453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745476569999401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627185011805854,0.0,0.0,0.1235821586688006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252288006983088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270671651169271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208752196827224,0.13708669424325218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176202290957538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203102309569135,0.0,0.0,0.11084049183585892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153431023175864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249629558615893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872246383556646,0.0,0.07884446177303497,0.1169429001022634,0.0,0.1519084307218909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696176840558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196858014689932,0.0,0.1357497930727215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445787010763857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637727688553153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278525157011752,0.09721541159164968,0.21822277858536504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695331484311105,0.0,0.12526786551174646,0.1498901043112007,0.0,0.13562053846657568,0.0,0.13739955070049312,0.0,0.0,0.1372763679527241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29501126577440506,0.0,0.0,0.16251756837915274,0.0,0.0,0.22817781757503536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994293530258428,0.0,0.14998048169870498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521380691730206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531158951842744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731087150244295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945460118073207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191322552136896,0.0,0.0,0.1847731604163637
suicidewatch,Garuda1_Talisman,2018/03/29,"idk lame title just click and read this place is creeping me out but i got directed here so i might as well make use of it

so i was born in belgium my dad was in a cult so we moved to reunion island near madagascar to get away from them but eventually briefly got back to belgium like 3 months

i remember my teacher there telling me to wait outside class and eventually she told me to go against a wall and undress myself i dont remember much

back at reunion island i started eating a lot and got morbidly obese and the population was extremely racist

then we moved to the french alps i was depressed  and obese i was made fun of and pressured into harming myself and shaming myself by trying to break my legs or licking the ground eventually we moved to toulouse which is near spain

i was regurlarly getting beat by people and i was giving them money everyday so they wouldnt do it againt but they still did

i stopped eating for a few months just eating salad and stuff it was horrible but i still did it and eventually lost a bunch of weight

i fell in love with my best friend and at this point in my life started to want to be a girl ive always wanted to be one but not sexually as i was still too young but my parents yell at gay people in public so i kept that to myself

i was at the height of my depression but found a girl who wanted to be a guy so we were in kind of the same situation but then she started texting me stuff and confessed to me but in fact she was drunk and was already cheating on 2 people at once which i didnt know

i told her about what happened with my teacher in belgium and how i feared being used but she guilt tripped me into having sex with her 3 times because she wouldn't talk to me if i didnt do what she wanted

she lied about money and always ate w me so she could buy codeine and i learned she cheated on a friend 7 times

a friend of mine dumped her for me

then i got into college to study computer science but didn't like how i was treated like a slave because the school was a private one and was charging you literally thousands of euros per year and didn't even have teachers and no one cared about me

i lost all my high school friends except for my best friend which ive been in love with for 3 years

i started getting jealous when she was talking to other people and i started hurting myself and trying to sniff paint stripper to try and get cancer but stopped doing it because i feared the pain that would come with it

i was all alone and started talking again to the girl who abused me but we fucked the second time we met because i was sad and wanted someone to at least pretend to care about me but she stopped talking to me and left me like this

my best friend got away from me and i dont see her a lot like 30 mins a week and now she has a bf and im jealous and all alone and ive had no friends for nearly a year and i have no one to talk to i want people to care about me but ive only got internet people who pretend to care and if i talk too much about my issues they start getting annoyed and get away from me and im all alone again and i dont want that

so i started trying to find ways to kill myself i have a knife but its too painful i wanted to try cyanide salts or other isoelectronic compounds to block oxygen binding but i dont have any of that i have paint and propane and basic medication but overdosing on that wont kill me my flat is too small to hang myself and since im living alone i wont have anyone to find my body so ill just leave a rotten mess

i dont have firearms and i dont want volatile toxic gases or poisons because theyll kill other people in the building

idk what to do i want to disapear i went to the universitys medical department but they only said things like ""hey youre good at chemistry youve got a great future dont ruin it and smile instea dof being sad"" so i started looking for ways to poison myself but google keeps spamming the french suicide hotline and everyone seems to be censoring the valid answers

i have gun replicas i could go outside and threaten people until i get shot but i dont want to because theyll get scared and with the current terrorism shit in france i dont want people to feel any worse and if im not killed ill get thrown into prison and life will only get worse

whats worse the girl i love decided to move in the same building as me so i cant get away from her and cant do shit about anything and i havent left my bed or opened the blinds in like a week i keep eating nutella and bread and idk what to do

i want her to be with me and have friends to go out with and get better and enjoy life but ive got none of that life just keeps getting shit and keep cutting myself and trying to kill myself but i just cant ignore my fear of losing consciousness

and when i go outside i feel a constant paranoia and feel like anyone is going to kill me at any moment and when i tried to go to the universitys psychiatrist all apoinments were booked so i cant see anyone but go to the hospital and ive got exams and cant afford to fail them by spending time at the hospital and idk i just want to die but the neveryone just laughs at me because ""lol its just a love story"" and dont understand anything that happened in my life and idk i just think talking to that girl who abused me would be great she could fuck me all day and i could pay her drugs id finally be useful to someone and kill myself when i wouldnt be able to handle it anymore since i dont ever want to have sex with anyone i never wanted to and it will make me feel shit enough that ill kill myself but no i cant do any of that because shes ignoring me now

i cant even prostitute myself for her attention what can i do with my life

i just want to die and i need someone to kill me because i dont know how to do it painlessly",3.6952867233447284,4.3596610212592,4.687125279531866,87.70274832773451,71.6573998364677,7.3003536632219825,27.08162823000916,7.240977022796573,1.2073246096405246,4611,151,996,43,83,1506,397,1223,0.23,0.632,0.138,-0.9993,3,4,1,2,2,13,4.0,6,2,9,9,55,87,24,8,43,1,107,44,6,9,9,219,210,126,12,30,46,2,5,8,9,12,20,2,1,6,44,91,11,12,20,5,7,17,37,50,1,6,48,16,176,37,147,136,20,122,1,11,5,9,80,50,6,11,60,692,220,11,0.0296296804240374,0.07021265244257292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274965230091195,0.032697089136603366,0.0,0.04930853539401888,0.0,0.0,0.08059679493352342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029384681248010875,0.08287104590748566,0.0,0.04876540475319016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135224043127746,0.045566790630123186,0.0,0.16255780356368124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932835647970406,0.026205044504621338,0.0,0.032911895417794684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083773562796105,0.0,0.0,0.02552334609410536,0.0,0.032019158401570914,0.0,0.09462755531821852,0.0,0.0,0.01910869267120091,0.0,0.05104000066485477,0.0,0.061501860713805936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167091774395209,0.0,0.03436102249092832,0.12127424052646918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03061538039086221,0.0,0.039140248951810584,0.026801742274759517,0.0,0.028312429397227043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000248840556208,0.059926626778710225,0.02116744961522241,0.0,0.03245786661719568,0.05416198224130003,0.0,0.0,0.03248741524031323,0.1831345407680889,0.054784324211426066,0.20124370632078328,0.028423489348471026,0.11787461140863645,0.02485197016901646,0.21327805942129144,0.06533365453892404,0.0,0.02933804199151732,0.052402857090907945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03130538415033485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03171918570955863,0.0,0.128020557346595,0.030925688330046813,0.0,0.10534488544985822,0.2950276624813744,0.030854752623567124,0.032567394955930216,0.0,0.0,0.03137355338093868,0.06438546895198301,0.0,0.12556991722349878,0.11580452161773375,0.0,0.02616355065533479,0.0,0.02488146913048896,0.033148033415767685,0.0646885925849999,0.05038018945823538,0.10696777361061134,0.028036320032925388,0.039556083522568224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059697571653479775,0.0,0.031432408590332576,0.0,0.0,0.047300256461652895,0.12596664469896734,0.043562448692784125,0.021970032598106308,0.02285223615487538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0315546426434413,0.08031135310993702,0.06760412138104692,0.06305613803794706,0.0,0.03290025367462158,0.0,0.0,0.18487340713204206,0.0,0.030956709687109236,0.0,0.028009625159794403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029637698636358588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712930391886329,0.0,0.028184611211804062,0.0,0.029664479044003524,0.059973636884535726,0.04722203826060265,0.02697374824507244,0.0,0.0,0.12165776466130228,0.04901995566286565,0.033305002231562804,0.0,0.0,0.07531539621401895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874836276535686,0.0,0.07098690318256434,0.07431521869127887,0.0,0.0,0.067837790493179,0.03241006129216432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667065034074627,0.025897646671638085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019684643093002368,0.018985502821664533,0.0,0.0,0.06910921972333738,0.0,0.0,0.056624858794454086,0.0,0.14081625645232262,0.0,0.0,0.03084554226822632,0.0,0.076771591789749,0.0,0.0,0.29709800427498245,0.047037322344999036,0.04753428480278178,0.036080968474096704,0.026640641082777684,0.027467010600148254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058552705953056,0.04209614971234839,0.0,0.0,0.05724162823754475
suicidewatch,krys678,2018/03/29,Combating suicidal thoughts I miss my brother who overdosed almost 8 months ago and I want to see him again. My mental health is in shambles and impacting my ability to work. I feel worthless. I’m 23 and feel like I have no drive to do anything. The only thing holding me back for killing myself is the fact that my father has already lost two children. I don’t want to put him through it again. ,3.1021978021978,5.214096692307692,3.7326373626373615,88.14807692307693,75.66666666666667,6.508424908424907,30.37362637362637,7.447530270364453,1.9173164835164829,314,15,61,4,7,99,58,78,0.21,0.703,0.087,-0.91,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,11,15,3,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,3,13,1,7,13,0,8,0,3,1,0,6,1,0,1,6,40,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546890386971464,0.0,0.23210539395594834,0.0,0.2557873412895985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907443989374253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823311698611013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23440117975242936,0.1655916719784716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246383195223612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564426082827451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324146688624412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25302746430965684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335910009850267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501351591414456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762876444039899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330141664426487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847075677974252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25354193990544405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399176666638242,0.0,0.0,0.1840163130087588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264263114079513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734328979505781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874674645916554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chche5,2018/03/29,"Help, loneliness might kill me I struggle to forge friendship with anybody. If they do happen they are short lived. I have no one to talk and I have spent most of life like this. I am 23 turning 24 soon and I'm thinking about ending it on my birthday. I can't live like this worst yet grow old like this. Help me please I don't know hat to do. I've therapists and on medicine. I hurt so much!!!",0.027831325301207244,2.241144855421691,1.1530240963855434,101.5791746987952,88.3975903614458,4.283855421686749,19.143373493975908,5.6839178017228535,-0.4906134939759035,305,9,73,2,10,95,59,83,0.214,0.596,0.191,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,0,4,7,1,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,9,15,5,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,12,3,8,13,3,8,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,7,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367677586325266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336921929294945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29313987492595395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234090830834856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419260319883309,0.0,0.12017535086127977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544531361338129,0.3204934498652544,0.0,0.3861793531888486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231974386399026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074766075444308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22945745249231386,0.0,0.14817649755516255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400340696840632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286014338251196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575871788296885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538928033747019,0.0,0.14011495030282714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23785024169861035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostandneverf0und,2018/03/29,"Every day is a nightmare I don't want to die but I wish I didn't exist.  Every day when I cross a street, I hesitate, thinking that if I wait long enough, I'll die and I'll finally stop feeling this way.

I don't, because I don't want someone else to feel the guilt of having killed me.  But I really, really want to.  I wake up every morning and I think about this for an hour or two before I dissuade myself.

I have extremely severe anxiety and depression.  It stated when I was about 8 or 9.  I haven't felt happiness or contentment or peace or anything that isn't constant fear and panic and anxiety for decades.  Imagine that time when you had to present your senior thesis before your thesis committee or the morning of the biggest final exam of your life.  I feel like that every single waking moment.  Even when I go on vacation specifically to relieve myself of all stress, I can't escape the deep dread and darkness of my own thoughts.  I'm so tired of feeling this way.  I wish I were exaggerating but I have daily panic attacks constantly over things as inconsequential as forgetting to hold the door for someone.

Talking to other people is a nightmare.  Working is a nightmare.  Studying is a nightmare.  Even sleeping is a nightmare.  I can't sleep because I'm so pent up and anxious.  The less sleep I get, the worse I feel.  

I've tried five different kinds of medications.  The only one that changed anything was a sedative that knocked me unconscious for 20 hours a day.  I admit that was preferable, but you can't live like that.  I've been to talk therapy, CBT, anxiety-specific therapy.

They always say it will get better and I've tried really hard but there's something fundamentally wrong with my brain and I don't think it will ever get better.  I am a neurological mistake, an evolutionary dead end.  Anxiety helped our ancestors survive, but it killed me and anything I hoped and dreamed a long time ago.

Why shouldn't I die if I'm going to be in constant pain for the rest of my existence?",3.760458069062718,5.803390180878552,5.082861169837916,79.5085623678647,73.54780361757106,7.895043457834157,29.556730091613808,8.666027191798058,2.514792248062016,1588,69,288,31,33,528,192,387,0.234,0.638,0.127,-0.9935,1,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,1,5,1,4,12,21,3,6,21,0,29,11,6,0,2,53,55,33,6,11,14,0,7,2,0,3,5,1,1,0,17,12,0,3,13,1,0,3,11,13,0,3,9,8,44,8,32,42,6,39,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,9,27,187,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888041503480444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465642904642332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833135566972072,0.08778404912027128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918327267571131,0.0,0.0,0.08840016893699805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473597225281014,0.0,0.13224173585383572,0.0,0.0,0.1374467594409171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867440012784451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220113437378765,0.0,0.0,0.2519131132297001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033906263806127,0.0,0.06692683437352469,0.0,0.24193523464180314,0.08118473961561194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649121994334655,0.0,0.06882318723518846,0.08028959506313603,0.0,0.10264627448330398,0.07028823443491344,0.2618778145766733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743924714237128,0.19644883291236245,0.05551216207108761,0.07460857523832044,0.17024312185817192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179229587232845,0.0,0.08832259843065852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271796226386019,0.06960803416504427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208373695866685,0.0,0.0,0.07717817340365121,0.15304670290151726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193719301022511,0.08091735468551757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488503750550268,0.07592505816082536,0.0,0.06861456107067225,0.13753220276295994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827918178898463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052654629289645864,0.05909782883620397,0.08268314364669888,0.18233914672561435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053870566605812034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933861651651126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061793794830602364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778404912027128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332820692328732,0.0,0.1316776641204844,0.05982077615960967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649645019330662,0.08901032518380357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491198384691125,0.0,0.0,0.1777239011918471,0.0,0.051623465157768916,0.14936985732273714,0.0,0.06168875082555037,0.09062032213671578,0.08930997520549655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551260803762756,0.0,0.07590607634948504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749651022824114,0.1233565454918005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011629044623509,0.0,0.17871284691700995,0.0,0.0,0.05656985418703778,0.0,0.07918759779492246,0.0,0.08495775168557829,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakeedaMullings,2018/03/29,"I just want to die I’m so fucking tired of people telling me that I should hold on & things will get better. Ive been waiting for things to get better for 7 years now & life just keeps getting harder & harder. 

Honestly I do not want to be here no more the only time I’m happy is when I think about ending my life. I’d be better off dead. 

I’ve tried to seek help & I’ve told therapists that I’m suicidal & the response I get is “ oh I’m sorry to hear that” like wtf. it’s like no one cares until you actually die. 

I have no friends in the city I moved to & back home I have like 3 & they just ignore me or change the subject when so say that I’m depressed or suicidal. I feel so alone ... I am alone. I have no one, no family, no friends that check up on me. 

I have one sided friendships they don’t msg me unless I msg them which makes me feel like they not interested in me at all. 

I hate my job.  I thought I enjoyed working with children but now I think I don’t.  the baby I look after just cries all the time & nothing I do soothes her & it’s starting to get to me😭

I JUST CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. ",0.22645238095238085,1.9643265755102064,2.3585969387755092,96.33476615646259,83.24489795918367,5.226190476190476,20.00425170068027,6.21433560688645,-0.13428911564625826,861,24,209,7,24,290,125,245,0.17600000000000002,0.696,0.128,-0.8947,1,3,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,1,4,4,15,18,2,0,6,0,19,4,0,1,2,27,46,10,5,3,11,0,2,4,2,2,3,2,1,1,11,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,11,4,0,3,3,5,36,14,23,39,3,21,0,1,1,1,14,8,1,2,16,125,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.07458917672368189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583264581969209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7453520437281111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580261809358256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877351533495503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280066650479092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793020322212682,0.0,0.08085770764992088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395985609415887,0.0,0.0,0.06583303805883696,0.0,0.1586541647460928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769839851228583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205577020304206,0.0,0.07729529486815055,0.05460491763226021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810641688113245,0.07066258726211047,0.1996697070885696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813660889363735,0.0,0.07546337652932025,0.0,0.0,0.08614738735026245,0.0,0.05123252383804314,0.0,0.07667016976284735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584957995176801,0.0679386144473522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797608453418207,0.14936840477541885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641858418060394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102071156109727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812379193435372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733410925485484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538225794392893,0.05813198325285668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052990151032968426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060783888629465516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556231470143394,0.054100827183966985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672141669861292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680723890124242,0.0,0.0,0.08874650099709347,0.10155954867050626,0.09795245403947954,0.0,0.06068056137594796,0.08913929923586028,0.08785036752108967,0.0,0.07303656809429575,0.0,0.05189409902357572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016625469234144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564532371116215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922139813511571
suicidewatch,Confused35467,2018/03/29,"Your life sucks. Noone would be suprised if i killed myself. My dad went so far to buy me a step stool so i could hang myself from rafters in my apartment. My mom calls me a weirdo. Im basically treated like a ghost.  Its kind of hilarious how surreal and frustrating my life has gotten. Only its not, cause it leads to intense anxiety and depersonalizarion. Im moving back home in a month, itll be intwresring. And bh intwresting i mean retarded.",1.486240310077516,4.20547556976744,3.258488372093023,84.46548449612405,89.81395348837209,7.0527131782945744,23.44573643410853,8.07648339933343,1.8360573643410865,353,14,69,9,12,117,64,86,0.22,0.713,0.067,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,3,0,4,0,6,2,0,3,0,11,10,7,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,3,0,0,2,0,12,3,6,3,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,40,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939289509375965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026555080392258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261041882694977,0.0,0.0,0.2274690029958021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679336864284192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221117557883684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783635276791541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497883831689302,0.23058465947336035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128042861157454,0.10817922650554954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412015453380411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933545264949115,0.17674284513437005,0.2353444234935107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684070468043856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526728453330087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729710208642814,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,edgelord_gg,2018/03/29,"I'm sick of my life. I'm gonna do it tonight. Honestly, I'm sick of seeing my life getting worse day by day. I'm struggling to keep up with studies, I have no real friends and anime, gaming, Reddit - stuff I used to love because it distracted me from my miserable life - don't interest me anymore. I have nothing to live for, I'm useless and I haven't achieved anything so nobody will even care if I die. (Maybe my parents will but they'll get over it eventually, if not fuck it)

I have even planned out the whole thing. I have unrestricted access to the roof of a 10 storeyed building. I'm going there at night when the security guards will be away for a brief period of time. There's a street nearby that's busy even at night, so a headfirst dive into the road, preferably in front of a car, should do it. I have even written a suicide note blaming some people whose guts I hate, so hopefully I can take those motherfuckers down with my own death (although I'm the only one responsible for my death)

I was suicidal in the past and therapy didn't help one bit. This time, nothing can stop me. Also, maybe my death will give the people around me material to gossip or make jokes and memes about for some time. Just thought I'd let you all know, cos I value the time I spent on Reddit a lot. I have only lurked in this sub, but I can say you are great people. Stay awesome.

Goodbye.",2.867475455820479,4.520814781362009,3.9860308555399726,88.09035063113608,75.02150537634408,6.85934237182484,25.750506467196512,7.586124646067393,1.230162100670095,1080,38,227,14,23,351,163,279,0.184,0.679,0.13699999999999998,-0.9285,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,1,2,14,16,2,3,15,0,24,8,1,3,1,32,50,15,6,5,7,1,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,0,12,9,0,4,3,2,1,4,5,7,0,2,5,2,29,9,32,36,7,33,0,2,1,2,12,15,1,7,13,143,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056645157655553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231414856875092,0.0,0.0,0.09319558153852404,0.1008170307991594,0.0,0.0,0.10640265219916553,0.0,0.0,0.06903650520927662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364030672290108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115466518740517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460745161408304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175362268381355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992037721075587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749712072038153,0.10469834055350254,0.11833751240063377,0.10864028023930268,0.06436291708057218,0.0,0.0,0.12485916931497908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181150593703844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590947962765937,0.0,0.0,0.11248338394638843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066232312945662,0.0,0.0,0.06223955952942555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580639570032886,0.2399767113308483,0.0,0.0,0.10000234103571326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628159713519267,0.10221307418626477,0.0,0.07559564461588954,0.0,0.2275508682582007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255600365661514,0.0,0.21733398058950526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348305412633115,0.17226434568782345,0.0,0.0,0.1257513718788825,0.0,0.10811049755742226,0.2355410873190364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890395896636367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006141040785717,0.0,0.0,0.09024605331186954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071005469817565,0.0,0.094682559738804,0.0,0.11839410034670272,0.1296448243851967,0.24775551644528215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515034539899395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295119133596053,0.0,0.07523865616272299,0.0,0.0,0.08990831394767364,0.2641493064350593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781214337903868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644023327795048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541202096054078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mlldv,2018/03/29,"Nervous And restless, the anticipation of my inevitable demise. 

I drink quite heavily, enough that I'm actually surprised that even just from 2 years now I'm not physically dependant on it. 

Death is seemingly so unknown, but from what I've heard it must be peaceful. In the end; if we chose to be here, we shall ultimately be our own critique as to how we played the game. 

I'll be leaving in the coming weeks or possibly months (hopefully sooner), and still coming to terms with it. As everyone has to. We all die someday, obviously. 

And I've decided to go early.",4.845817757009346,6.440648850467291,6.1683060747663525,74.66124415887852,69.8411214953271,9.835981308411217,33.00116822429907,10.125756701596842,3.5709261682242985,445,21,82,12,8,150,78,107,0.097,0.815,0.08900000000000001,-0.2144,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,0,1,7,5,0,2,4,0,8,1,0,2,3,23,16,10,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,10,1,0,2,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,3,14,9,4,14,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,8,56,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.23562025675282086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159753904404615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505868590751584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365289649206477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385293067801256,0.2494822733002349,0.0,0.15947537089804287,0.0,0.0,0.23071571081249195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722153302017034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398142142174428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556605640385584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272299346081964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219846515915513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25681167177902525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198069057347869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282218887401376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367653252870176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155485808742632
suicidewatch,Streadzerino,2018/03/29,"Im done Thats it, my time has come",-4.184000000000001,-3.4719194000000013,0.1100000000000012,112.085,93.0,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.4730000000000003,26,0,10,0,1,10,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744751014803081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636711246701441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949706468210667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211824570390912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,transistorfn,2018/03/29,"I'm seeking advice that isn't placation Hi.

I have to start work here soon, so this will be short.

To boil things down, there hasn't been a day where the first though that pops into my head when I wake up is an image of a gun to the roof of my mouth or temple. It's exhausting to combat this feeling. Right now, I know I'm ok. The thoughts are still there, they're still attractive and enticing, and I still find myself with that image in my head throughout the day.... but I'm not always going to be ok. I'm not always going to be this strong.

I'm struggling with the whole ""why"" question. Like... why does any of this matter? I have kids, I have a wife, and they'll go on with out me just fine. Sure they'll be hurt, and I hate that thought. It's part of what keeps me from doing it... but it's not the answer to the question ""why""... I've supported them for a decade and a half now. I love them, but there's nothing in it for me. I work my ass off. I pay the bills. I drive them all where they want to go back and forth daily. I try to make them happy with the possessions and food and games and things they want... but none of it makes me happy... and none of them seem to realize that while I do all this - they've done nothing for me. I've tried to make this known... but the fact of the matter is - if you have to make it known to someone that you feel neglected or taken for granted - it kind of defeats the point. I want to feel valued. I want to feel loved. I want to feel important. I have not felt those things in a very very long time, and reminding people that I need those feelings over and over just removes all the reward from it. I don't know, maybe I'm hugely narcissistic. 

In any case. I wake up every morning with this image, and it sticks with me. How do I get rid of it? How do I start taking value in myself? Why am I doing any of this at all? Why am I still around? Why?",1.0531601551676388,2.6576582443890295,2.49631130507066,97.00483825159328,80.02244389027432,5.552812413410917,17.87205597118316,6.286939319323684,-0.4381388750346353,1440,27,347,11,36,467,175,401,0.079,0.769,0.152,0.9783,2,0,0,1,0,0,71.0,0,2,9,6,22,20,1,1,20,2,27,11,6,6,6,77,69,27,0,7,14,1,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,32,22,2,2,19,1,2,6,9,6,0,2,6,7,47,14,54,56,8,45,0,3,0,3,19,22,1,6,18,235,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192562988663732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952004576999982,0.0,0.0,0.17103836731588173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463369179203583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644663308644729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813728920507347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336729423048255,0.08579549355803867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063722280743974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434640202337666,0.0,0.08049773228746518,0.0,0.07662651284321784,0.07131265275427075,0.1013773742849402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380195170367367,0.0,0.190588517759356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849445215677756,0.0,0.08277277565863299,0.17208417442116178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975042975057727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451916347824862,0.0,0.08730448925044093,0.09215046438820423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040959065269760064,0.0,0.0,0.07419408830388594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133433340506167,0.0,0.2238503552965028,0.0,0.08422664917807868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621648955735967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088985357609514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090788502168967,0.0,0.058122788633302135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925411195176325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783573884324595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159728707021336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632306576677303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103575775807919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868209023764205,0.0,0.2678128888358285,0.0,0.0,0.08764579481490592,0.0,0.0,0.09513849265682943,0.07901642562412498,0.0,0.0630358242463425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709494309792092,0.0,0.08237051650123951,0.13311618760286326,0.04888667561244677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384114557387695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835044045526135,0.24724944452785566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539051195631633,0.09360225475573468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207028383381363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PresentCaterpillar,2018/03/29,"Dad just left for work going to get his gun. Made another account to post this. My dad just woke me up yelling at me about how much of a fuck up I am. They know about my depression, and my dad told me that I'm fucking up because I'm lazy not depressed. I'm not lazy, I go to the gym six times a week, I'm on time at my job, and I do my job right. Something about college just really makes me want to die though. Anyways my dad has left for work. I'm gonna go grab his gun and think about some stuff.
Edit: I was about to pull the trigger. Then my dog came in and started licking my face. I'm fine for now.",0.3136666666666663,1.6913723111111132,2.1708333333333343,99.53625000000002,81.44444444444444,5.3888888888888875,20.87962962962963,5.985473137389443,-0.22170370370370351,462,13,120,3,12,153,80,135,0.15,0.8059999999999999,0.044,-0.9416,2,0,1,2,1,1,16.0,0,0,1,2,12,5,2,0,4,0,4,3,1,4,0,18,26,7,1,1,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,1,5,2,4,0,1,5,3,19,1,21,20,2,22,0,2,0,2,8,10,2,1,6,68,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602080403710074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232878031880098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199252952233434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891632890520333,0.0,0.17421708557176765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31037647278827635,0.08770239218519042,0.0,0.2862041806425365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333159681806972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225406464187176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647710369669517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883766473417196,0.11205100964349013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339989007719332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076800763224364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753844338277707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433555607865956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923046898809415,0.0,0.0,0.11881551869875775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216495264015307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756093982575964,0.16492624327702102,0.0,0.1957665460296556,0.0,0.0,0.16040194159309665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901096598731612,0.0,0.13465095961267434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444150429500778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smushbith,2018/03/29,"I’m just so tired I’ll sum it up like this. I’m failing all my classes, I haven’t been to school in about two weeks, my so called friends are just making me feel like shit for everything I do, my parents make me feel like shit for being trans, well not so much my dad i guess. all the people at my therapy clinic are pretty much like “more pills ! more pills !” and no matter what I tell them they talk me into trying more and more pills that dont help, this is going to be the third time ive failed a school year and have to go to summer school and its hard to even get out of bed now, id go to a hospital but im so scared, i dont wanna be a burden and cost my parents any money just because im a piece of sad shit. all it seems that im good for is being a source of pleasure since my so called “girlfriend” thinks my violent intrusive thoughts and dreams are a turn on, i go to her to vent she makes the shit sexual and i dont know where my life is headed, all i know is im tired of living it, i cant fix the damage ive done now, and im just so so tired of it all",1.6644178667317533,2.093860767634858,3.501479131071516,95.20853795460094,76.1784232365145,6.666438857700758,19.98559921894069,6.522977012572876,-0.1324534537466442,819,14,211,6,17,277,123,241,0.192,0.684,0.124,-0.9725,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,17,19,5,1,10,0,22,13,5,3,5,34,41,16,0,1,6,3,3,4,2,0,8,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,7,1,2,4,7,11,1,2,3,3,27,8,24,34,12,17,0,4,0,0,14,7,4,2,10,132,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961522169952153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343978425185236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790315797333772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971175502107506,0.30822826165447703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790192080370474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878766986400479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886521391840442,0.1252558196802498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772977919118603,0.0,0.045801356198582666,0.0,0.1992882109069136,0.07352926192749007,0.0,0.0,0.09657290611101056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853064130801048,0.0,0.0899696048034958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876001691678049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734663403556217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635680783956864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619203982014738,0.17131480813207128,0.0,0.07740982127395661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555125044669845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888775732267574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468326683717854,0.0,0.0,0.060775888788205126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918684438275704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776798115943489,0.2661650500082904,0.0,0.07980694433436943,0.0,0.0,0.35994754469994844,0.07251741280662105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704618246745422,0.07662309396292942,0.0,0.10025259371112977,0.0,0.0,0.056172206883609035,0.0,0.0695962358645853,0.05111817980709859,0.30227414315970863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059518796031713526,0.0953543712154546,0.08563598909812822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031959345736602,0.0,0.07882138368788072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056453400504531126
suicidewatch,Wintersantiaga,2018/03/29,"I think Im done now. Ive been on a constant downward spiral and I don't know how to recover.  I lost my job in September and wasn't able to pay my bills or afford my meds.  What people think was a ""accident"" was actually a suicide attempt by overdose that left me with a speech impediment. I immediately searched for work to try to keep my home.  I worked at a distribution center 60 hours a week trying to get caught up again. The eviction is looming over me the more i work the less i make,  my power is about to get shut off,  I'm about to be on the street.  I'm paying 120 a week just to get to work. Because i dont have transportation.  Everyday i suffer in silence with no one to talk to.  I cry every day and pray I wont lose everything I worked hard for. It took me 8 years to get a place of my own after sleeping on couches and being places where I wasn't wanted.  I finally found my independence and its all about to be taken away again.  I dont have any friends here.  I dont know anyone and my speech is so horrid now people think there is something wrong with me and treat me like I cant comprehend.  I'm  trying so hard to keep it together and i dont have any help. My tax return was taken for unemployment benefits i never got, causing me to fall further into debt and unable to pay my back rent. I was contacted by a ""minister"" the other day who wanted to donate me a vehicle after reading my story on a community board.  When he came to bring the paperwork,  he ended up choking me and raping me.  I cant remember the last time i even laughed all i can do is cry now. When the sheriff comes to remove my things he will have to take my
 cold body with it.  Im fed up",3.298219696969696,3.8972402613636383,5.248750000000001,83.55458333333334,72.52272727272728,8.366666666666665,26.59848484848485,8.59863814320734,1.7051928030303032,1300,42,283,22,24,451,183,352,0.15,0.7979999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9869,9,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,9,19,10,1,0,19,0,32,4,2,4,3,37,61,16,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,3,0,9,17,1,2,7,1,8,8,12,5,0,1,17,5,46,5,49,39,5,55,1,3,0,1,8,23,0,1,25,189,55,12,0.092816648832151,0.0,0.0905756602976208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623700804874205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489955895801773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720429691504929,0.0713702737221084,0.0,0.05658016763509135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030983728368434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615751962659753,0.0,0.09534826587323662,0.0,0.079953324421149,0.0,0.10030182366896637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390946081610745,0.11971811993392245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498365700746128,0.4351216846758037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220800142435301,0.0,0.0,0.06130452117897237,0.0,0.07820202979032617,0.0,0.08341761911827153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167610195366868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176866468590627,0.0717099126460675,0.0,0.1939714725955699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423395303330567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662909726116436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622130432212028,0.0,0.09310266658561647,0.0,0.09140570260953863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005158163112586,0.0,0.09210620212204754,0.16499940429884535,0.0,0.0,0.10201920566616247,0.07565795687130013,0.0,0.0,0.10084556053398126,0.0,0.0,0.04534552626936419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038380884638809,0.1013203364916664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195583382855075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030983728368434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158592154425375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289496336241764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869475518846693,0.0,0.19394728602582365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284176633549987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514316960248303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288367990590414,0.0,0.0,0.07145479088217394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152634907067293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978656874730707,0.07460250649911303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166325722052685,0.17841948239887204,0.0,0.0,0.05412213434574497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031227120199321,0.18904923573656265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949132855530384,0.0,0.14890383415839972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33785812895379125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148043489632094,0.0,0.059770878734537625
suicidewatch,shit_mlady,2018/03/29,"My boyfriend knows and now it's hard to talk about I've been having semi suicidal thoughts for probably about 10 years now, I'm 20 in uni. That's where I met my current boyfriend and he is absolutely wonderful and I love him so much. 

Anyways, he knows how much I hate myself and wish I would die even though I can't seem to commit. He also knows that I cut myself and just have the nastiest thoughts anytime anything goes bad. 

Tonight was a particularly bad night for me and my head and he comforted me and held me while I cried and ranted. Then he also said towards the end that he ""can't be the only avenue for life for [me]."" I get what he's saying, that I can't rely on him, but with how shitty my home life is and how far my friends and I have drifted I can't help but only think of he and his reaction to my suicide whenever I think about it. 

Now I feel bad about it and like I can't tell him because it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Thinking about him is what gets me through it because anytime I think about anyone else it almost feels like I want to die out of spite rather than I don't want to die out of love. I don't want him to feel stuck to me because of how I feel, but I don't want to have to hide from the only person I've talked to about this. ",4.8489460784313705,4.054941198529416,5.5812647058823535,87.34510784313727,69.0,8.576862745098039,28.795098039215695,7.554174236665415,1.4028859803921567,994,29,231,9,15,325,126,272,0.211,0.6779999999999999,0.111,-0.9858,1,0,1,0,0,4,19.0,0,0,0,0,23,14,3,0,5,0,20,5,1,4,1,50,52,26,5,7,5,0,6,3,1,1,2,2,1,1,13,16,0,1,16,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,8,8,40,7,34,42,2,18,0,0,0,2,25,7,0,3,13,148,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031484991912149,0.0,0.0,0.16475230503697672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202619382796216,0.10554475572188032,0.0847675193763913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580243000098251,0.1883797449320056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315040182011732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207208181369979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605068931028634,0.0,0.09123528017548012,0.0,0.0,0.06803638415822512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604218873162216,0.1471791081803557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958439395517349,0.0,0.1076357613716709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227571047835988,0.10169992868281537,0.10571681405399393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904467120610774,0.0,0.103326290918766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983293568078944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551641606321952,0.15097478550297674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859390456836875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144673697831088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666684225304413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350286518935092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994336811112243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106097934142686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798501987646736,0.08191678431297085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377540240219168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930125721417011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22534995966736796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558924835322306,0.0900342887402121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640156867683045,0.10120568734206774,0.16355506599865355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430291909412469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845511167415525,0.0,0.11170872056289297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731745425773283,0.11262402381372913,0.0,0.06633433209902541
suicidewatch,darlinglavndr,2018/03/29,"I have no future I'm 17 and I don't know what to do anymore. Late 2017 I switched to doing my schooling online because my depression and anxiety became really bad. And now I'm very behind on schoolwork just because I have no motivation. I've thought about just getting a GED but I'm probably too stupid to manage it and my grandmother (whom I live with) already calls me a disappointment enough as it isz because of my failure to keep up with school.

My own mother also recently disowned me because my grandmother and I refused to gives her more money (she's literally always been unemployed so she mooches off of her mother and has even stolen money from my wallet before).  She never seemed to love me much anyways but it still hurts, a lot. She's always cares about money and drugs more than me.

The only real friend I had moved away and so I don't get to talk to her much since she has her own life to keep her busy. And she seems to care about her boyfriend more than me anyhow.

I have no one. And I feel like I'm stuck here, in this state of existing as basically a useless, (sort of) dropout, with no passions or real desires or talents. I just can't get myself to care about anything. I just wanna die so badly. There's nothing here for me in the present and nothing for me in the future. There's no real reason for to keep going. I've never been anything more than subpar and I'll never be anything but subpar; no matter how hard I try at anything, I just can't do anything right, itf doesn't matter what it is. I just can't seem to succeed at anything and life isn't worth it anymore ",2.9633977455716582,4.726387614906834,4.195893719806765,86.22148953301132,75.0248447204969,6.385277202668508,25.90108120542903,7.0931098945946705,1.1942943179204053,1260,45,248,13,27,413,157,322,0.214,0.696,0.09,-0.9923,3,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,3,24,17,1,0,7,0,20,5,0,3,3,53,43,25,1,2,11,2,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,9,16,0,4,8,0,4,2,16,8,0,1,5,2,42,9,44,37,10,23,0,4,0,2,21,10,0,8,11,180,51,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916557099327412,0.07186305782297396,0.14954569951965754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874461344689357,0.0,0.17823902808230582,0.0,0.0,0.4436953870907098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442883445690623,0.0,0.1500629702848108,0.21911753323167907,0.0,0.07646642099487254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175972234671892,0.0,0.27486261088146513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739849238997426,0.0,0.09326315118378363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421204165881323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928520476227176,0.0,0.059353374239361975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543721107239949,0.06419783176402186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942759196386804,0.0,0.14084843805134334,0.08620435718563715,0.051070964482987084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049920413889303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619973047719553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23962192031556756,0.0,0.0,0.04938611359371587,0.0,0.1013688833091884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694516922717494,0.043902308328762435,0.0,0.07935028800601204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639793612059485,0.08110447006199065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550968127080216,0.1321186445813966,0.0,0.20792264142875672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245110239080785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089319721333985,0.06834452724768912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688703995367826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068498046093716,0.057568257845440514,0.09239367962775202,0.08872843820557086,0.0,0.0,0.07674213636852943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189141918264606,0.0,0.24542250247808786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433523933987157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176435755217128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722281228575206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134083594438094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061010780404378524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414602425963215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LightGreenNuggz,2018/03/29,"Dont know what to do I wash dishes for a living, im packin 2.5” if im hard hard, my boyfriend dumped me, i live with my mom... i aint got much to be proud of... ",-3.5207692307692278,-2.1052574358974336,-0.14287179487179458,109.97953846153848,97.71794871794873,3.12,10.364102564102565,3.1291,-2.3405835897435896,116,1,37,0,5,41,29,39,0.154,0.758,0.087,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,6,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003809533067839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498601991292897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591877871277736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536946024792145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085543117178884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526340793949276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001747249841276,0.0,0.0,0.1884095274376168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatever_0100,2018/03/29,"This world doesn't hold me anymore. I am in no great pain, misery or conflict. I have simply accepted that my desire to live has vanished, my connection to this world broken a long time ago. The only strong emotion I feel is hate and regret, because my life has never been all too bad thanks to my mother. I despise her every touch, word and breath. Anytime I gave in to her affection. I have become weak, spoiled and sick. There is no reason to be like this, or complain. I am burning with regret.

This world can be explored and changed, but not by me. My head is screwed for no good reason, and I only desire to fall into the world of my head, the only place left I care about, the only people I care about. But of course, that is impossible.

I have read a good amount of posts here, and tried relating to the advice given. That is up until I realized - there is no pain I try to escape from. I don't need motivation to keep going, because things will get better. Why? Because things aren't bad in the first place, but my head is.

I wish I could be proud of myself, look forward to finishing school one day and build myself a career. But I am well aware of how sick I am already. Whether these things happen or not, they will leave me cold. I am detached, and it will most likely gradually get worse.

I still need to build up the courage to finally do it, and plan it all out. Being dead is better than being a soulless being, that will most likely only damage her surroundings as time goes on.

Anyway, I don't know why I posted this. Maybe it just felt good to organize my thoughts. 



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suicidewatch,RammsteinpainKH,2018/03/29,"Why do I keep delaying it? I want to be gone. I don't know why I'm making a post on here. I really don't. I just thought maybe there's someone who feels the same way as I and keeps delaying it for no good reason. 

I'm pretty sure I don't want to live anymore. A lot of things happened to me that makes me want to die. But for some reason I keep delaying it and I really don't know why. Some of my friends and family know about my past suicide attempts but it seems that they don't want to deal with it or they don't care about me anymore like they used to. I'm hurting everyday and it hurts even more that the person I love the most doesn't talk or respond to my messages for five months now. He abandoned me when I needed him the most. He was the only reason why I was alive and he's still the only reason why I haven't done anything serious yet. To this day I'm waiting on him, but I know he's not coming back. I feel like I keep disappointing everyone and I'm sick and tired of feeling this way every day. I hate myself and I just don't know how to deal anymore. Maybe dying is the only solution after all. I've been thinking of ending it all this weekend. A thought that makes me feel anxious but also happy. 
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suicidewatch,imsodramatic,2018/03/29,"There's no point in being alive any lonver http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cbm.801/full

I was a bully at 15, I was violent at 20, I'm using drugs now, and I'm going to be a failure when I'm 50.  I was cruel because I was weak and I still am weak and struggling to find an outlet for anything.  

People who love me love the face I can put on like any narcissist.  I'm always going to be this shell that spent their formative years being a hurtful piece of shit that didn't want to be anyone's friend.  I don't know why I chose to be that way.  I don't feel I wll ever stop being ashamed for the person I have been, and I don't want to exist hating myself.  The only reason I'm alive is because I'm afraid to hurt anyone else with my passing.

I was a shit head.  I was ""in a bad place"".  ",3.1431818181818163,4.141379393939396,4.5046212121212115,87.25693181818183,73.24242424242424,6.469696969696972,21.022727272727273,6.42735559955562,0.20054545454545453,620,12,133,4,12,206,96,165,0.293,0.602,0.106,-0.9852,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,0,5,17,5,3,9,0,22,9,4,2,1,14,39,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,4,0,1,4,5,13,0,0,9,1,18,4,16,23,1,18,0,2,0,2,6,7,2,0,7,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967183850328431,0.0,0.0,0.2119538634232055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179347002632172,0.15967708051839766,0.12824351076690074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012036662102267,0.18999793022280406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072558528241534,0.0,0.1301847993458734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096671775332567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787976747595519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424354578388782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040203792857596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713557474180272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386029926292868,0.15993738499267354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336611070613537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856459017785046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613583077031719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28130439798813384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852377605389733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804022919319738,0.13607397481519998,0.16282022684562678,0.0,0.1473197109277335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566628164679758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602300613377275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199362115660108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445448063953013,0.13028969473495638,0.0,0.16291840054964007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459621642446856,0.0,0.0,0.18383761194399956,0.12369899081381965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406218751218914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003562177510861
suicidewatch,KuwaJet,2018/03/29,"I dont know anymore I'm 15 and I'm not sure if I'm depressed or just being a moody teen, I've been crying myself to sleep every night because of negative thoughts and I keep disappointing everyone that I know, I'm not over exaggerating about that. I don't want to self diagnose or talk about it with someone in real life because 1- I don't have any close friends and I don't open up to my parents because I know they would just compare how tougher their life is 2- I want to keep this to myself. Everyday I feel so lonely craving for attention and wanting a hug. I don't feel anything when I do the things that I used to enjoy...everything just feels so empty. I'm at a point where I don't even care if I die or not but I'm just so much of a pussy to end it all. I don't even have any motivation left to do anything. ",3.0819491525423715,3.5866348926553684,4.829166666666667,86.71120762711867,72.954802259887,7.933898305084746,28.309322033898304,8.07648339933343,1.6179796610169492,644,24,147,9,12,220,97,177,0.14,0.7979999999999999,0.062,-0.8106,1,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,14,8,0,0,5,0,15,5,1,3,2,40,35,15,1,6,13,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,9,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,3,20,4,18,31,2,13,0,3,0,1,6,9,0,5,4,93,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858454318917448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480336363769195,0.0,0.0,0.24030870295363274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670202720356733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886762277262575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160385879521489,0.0,0.0,0.12575878761389156,0.14819777009489946,0.151536037198613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112343345004827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932212717721192,0.0,0.0,0.19287735858024585,0.0,0.12302029810768228,0.13951946508695476,0.1312249873676848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214821658888652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280749175753953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595620082861955,0.0,0.0,0.24073095917222825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864103467633214,0.0,0.20626332739160388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073346524634587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370211352847623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621275846557305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802729058508026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619212345378395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523209864761118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611613051476532,0.0,0.12371437817602875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761334108763335,0.0,0.0,0.117357856486693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700301009959583,0.0,0.0,0.11591617302469613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610635032528494,0.0,0.0,0.25836265213053144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372180019745043,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AwesomeBirdy_99,2018/03/29,"I am going crazy probably,or just extremely desperate ""I really don't want to do this anymore. 

I don't know if what I am doing is right or wrong. 

I dont want to deal with anything anymore. 

I want to die. 

But I can't that would simply be selfish to those alive. 

But then I had a thought. 

What if I kill them instead. 

If they are what is keeping my here. 

Then if I get rid of them.. 


I can be free. 

I can die. 

I can... 

But I can't and I won't. 

I think I am going crazy, I cant do this anymore, I can't stand this it is suffocating me. 

I want to kill them all. 

If I can kill them all, no one would be sad if I die. 

If I kill them all. 

I can finally die.""

That was what I thought, what I was near constantly thinking about since... I don't know, several weeks?  I know it isn't right, that I won't even dare to do it but really, the fact that I've begun to think this way instead of the usual 'fuck it, jumping down 20 floors sound great' made me quite paranoid. 
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suicidewatch,Fallawaykid12,2018/03/29,"I need the courage to kill myself. I’m 20 years old and I’m so unhappy with my life. Ever since I was a kid I was always unhappy with the way my life was going. I was diagnosed with ADD, anxiety, and depression. Attending school was so hard when you had to fight the thoughts of whether people like you. I was never able to make friends growing up. I was always that weird kid. I’m not smart and I’m useless in everything. I was always compared to my sister and how she was so smart. I have severe anxiety where I can’t even talk to people when i need something. Lately I’ve been trying to get the courage to kill myself. If I would then I would just take pills. I’m just afraid of the pain that taking those pills will bring. I have a boyfriend and he says that he would die if I ever killed myself. I just need you guys to help me end this suffering. ",1.2090395480226022,3.3145051864406767,2.645,93.613488700565,81.88135593220339,5.967231638418079,20.567796610169488,7.1686216300943375,0.4295288135593221,666,19,147,9,18,216,94,177,0.276,0.642,0.08199999999999999,-0.9899,0,0,1,0,1,2,17.0,0,3,0,0,13,16,4,1,7,0,18,6,0,2,3,28,33,15,4,8,7,1,1,1,1,4,6,1,0,3,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,12,2,26,6,15,17,0,18,0,3,0,0,15,3,0,2,11,95,31,1,0.12952135972073325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32331644108233953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816697134161912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155655733795997,0.13146145371334075,0.13442272260461074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471748073625662,0.0,0.0,0.08554763655050804,0.2343189702103773,0.0,0.0,0.11640544653150857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006788122861407,0.0,0.06766956465710218,0.0,0.07360997355019876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824650944269309,0.0,0.0,0.11602569772203734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681543722771996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298885830351037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610573531831825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829695335448521,0.06327759398296483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645651336343045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881153412212014,0.09989485735517913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591087918906186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781985867771102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958760514054678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300058385664808,0.0,0.13108253085275967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632226969512496,0.0,0.107141407197791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971187055413257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476788675577889,0.10410436276161802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282549194198813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793650124503412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280802662326773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760247733887624,0.0,0.0,0.08340750913556726
suicidewatch,omartin78,2018/03/29,"Really hard to get through each day So much is drowning me right now. I've told people how seriously I feel hopeless and don't want to live but no one can help me. No one believes me or knows what to say. I don't know what to do, I've been  through these feelings so many times, I need some support. Please help me, my life hurts so much and I can't keep fighting only to go ten steps backward. Please talk to me",0.6396843434343467,2.6213170340909118,1.9006060606060624,98.85146464646463,83.20454545454545,4.8202020202020215,21.141414141414145,5.82211442006289,-0.18776919191919195,321,10,77,2,9,102,59,88,0.154,0.655,0.191,0.7689,0,0,0,0,2,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,14,18,8,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,4,0,3,2,4,10,1,8,16,4,7,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164732170299663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391282114942112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430103131308976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038393688896446,0.0,0.10919619442957304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211750033631487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575714921712781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056872154188454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707806778617023,0.0,0.0,0.21118753940497195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357124299605051,0.0,0.0,0.16966097203888794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479731308344087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28248640587721346,0.14246755478353765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603947456117157,0.1461292607470141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320398107937909,0.0,0.0,0.42181865238283067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308823105850306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408441329966075,0.0,0.15279548733297593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180354087229721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443288033967448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203694740797472,0.0,0.0,0.1835956577757722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332770193997607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ratherperson,2018/03/29,"Staying alive for my boyfriend I'm lucky that he loves and that he's great. I wish that were enough, but most days it's not. He leaves for Kenya in a month for work and I'm not sure what I'll do then. I'm scared.",-1.4864625850340154,0.375762020408164,-0.3641836734693875,112.21930272108843,92.06122448979592,3.2666666666666666,12.248299319727893,3.1291,-2.1834108843537416,165,2,48,0,6,50,34,49,0.124,0.67,0.206,0.2862,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,4,6,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,22,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024179373841618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243080129856094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34603894209543695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323393218497137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832767849873422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505252587252986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142351371170762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345399449412157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29581547700853594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609310037812584,0.0,0.0,0.2284985618853525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaEffingBearJew,2018/03/29,"Life feels empty. Hi. 
I've been struggling with the idea of suicide since high school. Its always felt like a fight to keep my head above water. Before I would just recommit to school or work and now I'm arguably doing the best I've ever done in my life, but I still feel hollow inside. Now I'm just running out of things to busy myself with. I don't have an escape anymore and whenever I'm alone my mind feels like its swarmed to do either this or that, and things feel as if they're steadily becoming more and more trivial. 

I don't really have anyone that I feel comfortable talking to this about. My friends and coworkers know that I'm gloomy, but if i ever told any of them about my thoughts and the frequency of them, I would just lose the connection. I don't think it would matter, anyway. I'm never really at the top of anyone's mind, and I don't think they would even know I've passed for a while. 

I've tried calling the hotline, but it didn't really help. I've written on this board a year or two ago and I remember it making me feel a little better just to type it out. I figured I might as well try everything one last time before I decide to do anything. 

Thanks

M",3.3265432098765437,4.486482168724283,4.291460905349799,88.33990740740744,72.99176954732509,7.210699588477367,23.788065843621396,7.594959193182576,0.9549572016460908,929,25,196,11,18,301,131,243,0.101,0.7759999999999999,0.124,0.8619,0,1,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,3,5,14,11,1,1,11,0,17,4,1,1,3,54,39,19,1,6,13,0,7,2,1,5,2,0,0,0,14,12,1,1,16,0,0,2,6,3,1,2,7,7,23,8,24,27,4,21,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,6,13,125,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984753275579374,0.0,0.0,0.11505660785515336,0.0,0.0,0.0924364788722001,0.0,0.0,0.07554558123159523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017226310386696,0.15535459779796293,0.0,0.0914182964499354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226911057325452,0.1890602466384178,0.0,0.11658298369077225,0.09825082101263624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343616918795435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368450008511825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337445264548564,0.20097605120264644,0.0,0.0,0.09984128455915904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370252021793614,0.07936331888589036,0.10666462856694782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582850805244625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401125239984747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446184891386856,0.11737357264720333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540803727335315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874264364543814,0.0,0.0,0.1221052416872882,0.09055386237339276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569334924492852,0.10854674682875846,0.11134220712262377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242822349520958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415399888848423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178498265805346,0.2243401615986356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856801049811306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527802879990825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135029118375927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584426679511956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485972355361603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189549151557856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871728898865877,0.0,0.0,0.11613626724292965,0.0,0.12151534909484482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929060981282523,0.0,0.10227752071101016,0.0,0.0,0.14760763675765784,0.14236505030451704,0.0,0.08819371865161559,0.06477796265679997,0.0,0.0,0.10615205910637894,0.0,0.15084677745840375,0.0,0.108519609360315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998840073797347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087545520970622,0.0,0.0,0.3156629838945465,0.0,0.0,0.07153885923817782
suicidewatch,gravitao,2018/03/29,"irresponsible, forgetful.1 I've been considering suicide again. Tonight, my mom went off on me saying pretty much how i fuck up a lot n i cant do anything right. and ig shes right. i recognize that she doesnt mean it in the way im thinking of, i know shes only referring to me not getting the correct over-the-counter meds n forgetting her lotion, but she also just right. im just being rlly dumb.. idk. there r a lot of things i fuck up, 

1. i cant even take my meds anymore bc my dumbass tried overdosing on them 2 yrs ago,,

2. im not meeting my moms expectations

3. i srsly hate my job, but im not getting hired anywhere else bc i lack any references n expeirence bc im 20 n been working only at subway for a yr

4. im forgetful

5. i havent seen my doctor since october, but i havent been taking my meds so theres no point

6. i suck as a friend, i think my best friend might be losing an interest in me. she has another friend whom she seems to clique better w than me n shes also more responsible

7. im going to school w no goal in mind anymore, i was majoring in art, but im not even that good n its not smth to rlly pursue for myself. idk what im doing,, 

i made a whole plan thing for killing myself, but its probably gonna be another yr before i go thru w it bc im paying off my dogs surgery, once its all paid im gonna do it,, the only reason i came on here tonight is so i want kill myself rn. work has been rlly stressful n my mom is just making me feel worse. im tired n im getting tired of living just to live, its not working for me but i have nothing im passionate abt",-1.6469010989010968,0.2988521714285711,1.768142857142859,94.37412637362637,98.71428571428572,4.863736263736263,18.15934065934066,6.5822867389190165,0.10169890109890113,1220,40,287,19,52,437,182,350,0.217,0.69,0.092,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,4,40.0,0,0,1,8,15,17,7,1,9,0,25,6,0,4,2,41,51,13,3,3,16,3,1,0,3,3,3,1,0,0,13,2,0,0,9,1,2,4,13,9,0,0,10,3,46,8,27,35,9,25,0,1,1,3,18,16,4,4,4,155,59,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741970317280509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555916676229013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036378137822508136,0.11218742894040196,0.0,0.0,0.10610446583562463,0.0,0.0,0.044021468013588964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551993377273348,0.0,0.056139244404785904,0.04731159453277778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061183529926198375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475395285584536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468784382140447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706653098029837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02704845881268625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398930198685065,0.09890972455269577,0.08384610510958816,0.0,0.060804386833564025,0.044868702122213236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052814806784846464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8089663213473895,0.0,0.05308510027122789,0.0,0.11836761803468307,0.0,0.02939921328643565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447335988494086,0.0,0.0,0.05984673356495149,0.0,0.0909583303975007,0.0,0.050617849756181055,0.03570803675976208,0.0,0.0,0.05827126249781835,0.17826120284252378,0.0,0.0,0.056749278565512776,0.054014259899199286,0.18795655991942373,0.0,0.0,0.03932465959072255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132947676726515,0.0,0.0,0.05696996462302961,0.0,0.12205507908833076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505696538062198,0.0,0.0,0.05442320307493819,0.05767618759642679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500132114142551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370521957072288,0.0,0.042541024285462935,0.0,0.05413935455131181,0.0,0.04869944181071842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044251256011552345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127784214711951,0.0,0.0,0.05851437032922952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044250906419591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107882242858493,0.06855431299428585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229682635470564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03631929737650885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03155247975313572,0.042461494814513764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958999662498384,0.0,0.05972477013381997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683403879271413,0.0,0.05451553072822392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jesus_Milk,2018/03/29,"I'm open to talk to anybody. I've had a hell of a life, and I really can try and help you guys. Just go ahead and message me Please don't be nervous, I don't judge. Most like the only reason I won't respond is because Im either sleeping or phone is dead. Just know you are all worth it :)",0.0006666666666710341,1.4595558615384618,2.4319230769230766,96.9222435897436,82.69230769230771,4.94871794871795,20.06410256410256,5.46131890053228,-0.33566666666666656,221,6,55,1,6,76,50,65,0.161,0.672,0.16699999999999998,-0.3638,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,1,3,0,9,2,1,1,1,12,12,4,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,4,9,3,3,1,0,0,0,8,1,1,2,2,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958288271252352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257173540345387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180844477877779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532469406017946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470012441597945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765486231739449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269058366286692,0.15694476697164694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24432236734232576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526320848147746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579867338312768,0.3302948084242409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321478405867569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582056921878623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810522220423367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hfmayo,2018/03/29,"I wanna die My life feels like shit. I’m told I have it rather well off and I should be happy about it, but I just never can. I’m getting mixed signals from a girl who I have strong feelings for, and we’ve broken each other’s hearts before, and now I just don’t understand anything. Some of the best friends I’ve ever made are 300 miles away from me because my dumb fucking ass had to drop out of college because I don’t ever know what I want to do and I can’t afford to spend $17,000 a year on not knowing. My parents are incredibly invasive and when they want to talk, they don’t ever just tell me that I have someone to talk to, they pry. Which makes me want to talk to them even less. I still love them, but it just makes life fucking hard. I don’t want to end myself because then the people I love would blame themselves or think I was some coward who couldn’t handle life, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I just want to die. Maybe get hit by a car and I’m killed. Save someone from a mugging but I get shot in the process. Have my head crushed by a piece of construction equipment. Whatever it is. Why should I want to live?",2.019752066115704,3.4753992809917382,3.0744545454545467,94.57168181818184,76.85123966942149,5.831735537190082,22.430578512396693,6.2581,0.197706776859504,894,25,205,6,20,286,134,242,0.201,0.629,0.17,-0.9399,2,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,5,2,15,15,5,0,8,0,22,11,4,3,4,49,50,13,3,14,11,1,3,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,6,0,1,1,9,6,1,0,4,3,32,9,28,39,7,19,0,0,0,5,17,7,5,3,11,136,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249567158032976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560355556150257,0.0,0.0,0.20555409840705968,0.0,0.09564417168690084,0.0,0.11795692755248482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333070314479953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955309030785317,0.0,0.0,0.07423917900286026,0.3050168655964601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366569430715047,0.08029862472021032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684000688414018,0.20782408700007265,0.17617317530420076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965195304301887,0.10068837538290744,0.0,0.11535488811272665,0.0,0.0,0.13319461128599044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435401200276056,0.0,0.12354426599416447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381744575413192,0.05491299135772257,0.0,0.09925131149999752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028908835606233,0.1063556536938962,0.1500558245758521,0.0,0.11292096701778224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668985486557305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480696404342904,0.0,0.0,0.07792404853202729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153770454922013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047241074315305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976283243569441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710287297349969,0.09824260593619093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202141939220658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074030733230352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170124255832162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977788024547675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010611518864034,0.0,0.10142357067817932,0.0,0.1292545209182502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984577710974597,0.0,0.0,0.07238195291628202
suicidewatch,nythnggs4590,2018/03/29,"I might need to reason with someone very suicidal tomorrow. How do I approach him? (Details in post) So I’m going to help someone move out of their house that they live in with their SO. I’m not close to who I’m helping move out and I’ve never met the SO who is suicidal. But I will have to keep an eye on him while other are helping move her stuff out. 

How do I talk to this dude, as a stranger who’s helping his SO (soon ex) move out? I’m good with talking to people have had suicidal exes in the past so I have some experience but I’m asking for help and opinions. 

From what I know about the dude he lost his mom a few months ago, is kind of a stoner, is kind of broke, and doesn’t have much going for him in general. How do I make him see suicide isn’t the answer even when everything around you sucks?",1.7916928158546668,3.081073491329484,3.4165689512799347,92.57689306358385,77.09248554913296,6.561354252683734,22.761767134599506,7.1686216300943375,0.5638888521882737,626,18,146,7,14,208,99,173,0.14400000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.068,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,3,1,13,6,1,0,8,0,16,1,1,5,1,29,32,16,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,3,0,0,7,4,3,0,0,3,2,18,3,27,27,3,27,0,2,2,0,26,11,1,3,8,99,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877186492893583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919220028546237,0.1041676769372303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359540410434867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014193521729327,0.10899538989388488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665120786449413,0.09345831139857266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373430374169222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856991339901794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903998598161698,0.0,0.2320647465136874,0.0612364677434362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839064057332156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163395072157335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437729778400172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182047061083661,0.0,0.13050004327818152,0.0889386649742718,0.4737101254365206,0.08191046559942992,0.08262049785294236,0.08593811227806522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063681209580538,0.07724831979810116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671470088354308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456383526688665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879159130282696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888207039416715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755538706558744,0.4875250662365968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911897874451535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193759728153117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommonBeginning,2018/03/29,"asleep by the smiths I just want a friend.

But I have anxiety when it comes to going places, anxiety so bad that I'll have an attack and just want to die instead.

I can't be productive no matter how hard I try. I can go strong for a week and then I just get tired and live on Netflix for a month.

My entire life was taken all because I went homeless and someone wanted to abuse me and manipulate me and my sister.

I don't know how to get up. I feel broken and withered and ugly. I feel lonely and trapped in my head all the time. I can't even concentrate anymore on what other people are saying.

Writing stories used to be an escape and now I can't even tap into my creativity anymore, one of the few things that kept me alive. I thought depression was supposed to inspire you.

I'm literally only living for my mother but I can tell even though she's trying that I stress her out and overwhelm her sometimes.

And Ii believe in Jesus and know He's with me but sometimes I feel like He's not and I can't even get myself to just spend time with Him anymore.

The only thing I can seem to do is surf the internet.

I'm just a useless bag of excuses.


And the crazy thing is I don't even want help, I don't want anything sometimes.

I wish I could just go to sleep, I don't care if I wake up or not.  I just want it to be long.
",1.926346897725516,3.3090153558718884,3.7043199752436964,90.26495280829336,76.93594306049822,6.310444066223116,23.605291660219716,6.8959733430537185,0.6684951570478104,1029,32,229,10,23,346,146,281,0.163,0.738,0.099,-0.9617,0,3,0,0,1,1,22.0,0,1,0,1,19,12,1,2,12,0,23,6,4,4,2,59,51,26,1,9,14,2,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,10,20,0,1,8,1,1,5,11,7,0,1,6,5,40,5,26,41,3,22,1,4,0,0,15,9,0,3,9,158,50,0,0.0,0.12207335817953766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763489148012855,0.0,0.30653336065722864,0.0,0.0,0.08478467219387911,0.0,0.0,0.1172111683742566,0.0,0.0,0.08602550385386169,0.06280595460590592,0.0,0.0,0.11607920097370485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050456553751569,0.0,0.0,0.08875097183472401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226083940827404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873933779585802,0.0,0.10692857213683904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34025075704400765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628475041372958,0.07360444503189237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960049796050987,0.0,0.1614863124113792,0.0,0.17566247463767554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229438258805517,0.0,0.1057382059884306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905864248487603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324486773039652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277293074937108,0.05033511181554498,0.0,0.18195424210811206,0.09117805072533566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223733113842968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981559756691487,0.15671747349736526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142782789646628,0.0,0.10764411764062873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193336028052121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937943779764928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310411629430467,0.0,0.08729673849014155,0.0,0.30569705138693176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802018409717785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005250729531157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053450826880954,0.0,0.1012261664441634,0.0817940807891932,0.12015490427021648,0.11841749475357533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990081936516804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898458892650883,0.0,0.0,0.3646175523198577,0.0,0.08264421828080272,0.0,0.0,0.09550957288945816,0.0,0.0,0.11847908121963673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway02181890,2018/03/29,"If I can’t find a job, I think I’m just going to kill myself I have nothing to live for and I’m constantly depressed. I’m just tired. I don’t want to try anymore and I don’t want my loved ones to be burdened by me (I have not told them my problems with this or asked for financial help.) so it would be better if I just disappeared. I probably make everyone around me miserable with my temper and unstable emotions and life.",1.1901747815230976,3.2731815505618016,3.2486891385767787,89.38429463171038,81.80898876404493,7.1016229712858925,24.495630461922595,8.167268648758528,1.5494334581772788,334,13,72,7,9,113,57,89,0.272,0.632,0.096,-0.9538,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,2,1,1,0,8,3,0,1,0,21,19,8,1,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,1,0,15,2,10,15,0,4,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,3,1,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098458783082374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883648555954459,0.19781322893862835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713902437008595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286595645111195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822468938487208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380164572012627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218856770152127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339445336181985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025459870699468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182800321578926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997588374374548,0.0,0.2340990699507611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945615906951226,0.0,0.0,0.1868427028556739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097319973068375,0.0,0.14124163912428386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030315887366271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338258673997484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813573676329124,0.20246831662872725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558185236416007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319789996442376,0.0,0.20218856770152127,0.0,0.1436594548116118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496090159619496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031137202450984,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skinthrowawayhelp,2018/03/29,I can't do this anymore :( I've been suicidal for 9 years and im only 22. Ive tried to kill myself 2x in October but didn't succeed obviously. I fuckin hate my life. I have no one. Im a horrible abusive person i can't be here anymore. I will probably go soon. Hope you all find what you're looking for...,-1.257927031509119,0.7603842686567184,2.459601990049752,90.68784411276951,94.3731343283582,5.96285240464345,22.369817578772803,7.3871296695380915,1.1140394693200668,234,10,54,5,9,86,52,67,0.381,0.57,0.05,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,2,6,13,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,1,9,2,4,9,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,2,31,11,1,0.0,0.26113100142584045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371435047065435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014362393365948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525506138042425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175935721131073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890109708429428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761269540465398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438334474611429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556708897557141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507555903275105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934476432588134,0.167619664952227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924396507319309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376221451703391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410754035654148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963314520844254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192659190726695
suicidewatch,sadhippie420,2018/03/29,"I’m on the verge of killing myself I’m an 18 year old girl, senior in high school, and about to graduate in two months. I seem to have everything going for me but the effort it takes to keep up everything is too much for me. I take AP classes, have a 4.0 GPA, and have been accepted to every school I applied to. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, why I’m going to college, and why I’m wasting my time putting all this effort into something that might not even make me happy. 
My moms boyfriend is a drunk, dad disowned me as he’s a drunk too and verbally abused me to the point where I had to leave the home. Things aren’t any better now, as my moms boyfriend doesn’t want me here either. I’m “lazy” and “disrespectful” because I don’t do a shit ton of chores. I have a part time job, and am trying to deal with the workload I have from school. I have extreme social anxiety and have been freaking out about a final presentation I have at the end of the year for my English class. 

I have a history of severe self harm and suicide attempts that required hospitalization. I have been raped several times and have bipolar disorder, anorexia, and numerous physical issues due to complications from the severity of my anorexia. I don’t know what the hell to do, I can’t end up homeless and I don’t know how to cope with all the shit I’ve been through and my mental health when I have to give all my energy to school and work at the same time. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because my boyfriend lost his brother to suicide and I would feel really shitty to do that to him again. Things are piling up though, and I’m stressed to the point where I’m not sure that will even matter if my mind goes to it’s dark place for too long. My moms boyfriend has a gun he keeps on his dresser and I’ve been thinking about using that. I just need some advice because I really wanna see the light at the end of this but I really really can’t right now and I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of ruining my chances at college too, if I fail a suicide attempt. 

Sorry for the rant. Just needed someone to hear this at least if all else fails.. Thanks to anyone who cares to read all this. ",5.164052532833021,4.86561514855876,5.748392461197341,84.74484009892548,68.24611973392462,8.889681050656659,29.319546307351185,8.384062270229773,1.8249221558928868,1716,54,372,22,26,557,211,451,0.224,0.7190000000000001,0.057,-0.9982,2,0,1,1,1,4,36.0,0,0,0,10,21,20,5,3,26,0,41,8,2,4,6,63,73,27,4,9,10,5,1,0,0,3,3,1,3,2,17,22,2,3,8,3,0,3,11,14,0,1,8,4,46,6,62,62,12,46,1,4,1,1,17,22,3,6,21,248,63,17,0.0,0.09443859644508452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788779726730519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420282475241674,0.0,0.060974884791249774,0.0,0.0,0.0557323002990109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576414435946122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704934947393287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812655963940439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217340358178875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135000081437784,0.0,0.0,0.08156692866375942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665841494975114,0.0,0.2117876190188287,0.0,0.0,0.10529014492205473,0.0,0.06715575696109127,0.0,0.14326925709727564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040301757060799234,0.0,0.0,0.08731404555430572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646127433618569,0.09059753250147523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484853715597372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847237687818213,0.08983447394398737,0.0,0.0,0.08421378305711763,0.07995163381841801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899783912712716,0.0,0.08319237340809757,0.07909592296902931,0.14169274024635112,0.08818289831104638,0.0,0.08760868483145058,0.0,0.0,0.08439716329515186,0.0,0.0,0.05629871694901846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053731678647945,0.0,0.0,0.08700853303800106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320438523229485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032491801645797,0.08455548813192361,0.08048035547427959,0.2800521711168016,0.06362058227873649,0.0,0.05859309353997656,0.11820200321387445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363805677934423,0.0,0.0,0.060620017570679724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631384904728308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832758231374236,0.0,0.1506958985323858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012656197050505,0.0,0.0,0.0797275865163864,0.0,0.20424686175421733,0.08195106042881377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806850295725839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226669777624573,0.06351537592537038,0.07256136427009921,0.08315075890085694,0.2701353351666416,0.16363416195758765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812502466510814,0.06753464949426181,0.06136158592116845,0.0,0.08922436033238329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130297310192484,0.0,0.0,0.2615563371545802,0.0,0.07512197768042764,0.0,0.11985801039968365,0.0,0.0,0.07338259155377334,0.0,0.0,0.10590627190710636,0.051072397264828005,0.07831075695028865,0.0,0.18590887781728616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411515345933368,0.0,0.07786119680945462,0.0,0.0,0.06884040718452965,0.0,0.0,0.09402534780135034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438445656141527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802692962365168,0.0,0.0,0.05662086755414775,0.0,0.0,0.1026561232850252
suicidewatch,Sadnessisallnow,2018/03/29,"My best friend and love of my life just commited suicide last night and it really really hurts. He was only 16. I loved him dearly. He always wanted to be with me but I wanted him to get his head together and get help so we could be perfectly happy together and have a great relationship. I should have seen this coming. His brother got him into drugs and I trued to really really help him get out. He thought I didn’t care about him and I really wanted to be with him I just wanted him to get some help so we could be perfectly happy. He tried many times to push me away but I needed to help him. I should have told his mother but I didn’t and I regret not saying anything. I got a call from his mom, she told me that he overdosed and I didn’t ask for more details since I didn’t want to make it worse. I love him. I miss him. Please, any of you, before you make a choice to end it, please think about your family and friends

Alex, I love you with all my heart, I miss your arms, your smile you would get when we saw each other. I miss your beautiful brown eyes, your perfect lips that I always wanted to kiss. I miss how happy you made me, I especially miss how it made you happy to see me smile. I miss your smart funny jokes, your help for all my homework, I miss how we used to go to the gym together. The first gift you gave me, it was a gift card in a little cute box, then I hugged  you tightly for hours. I remember when I first met your mom, I really feel sorry for her. My mom loved you a lot, she cries for you, I am crying for you, we were meant to be together. Why? Why did you have to do this at such a young age? I miss you ",0.90302244345472,2.7019980691642687,2.7253183128111083,94.25203475678984,81.27665706051873,6.280988559951098,16.567024713998777,7.348242739294969,-0.11758712776176727,1258,21,296,18,33,418,154,347,0.086,0.581,0.332,0.999,0,0,1,0,0,1,38.0,5,21,0,6,13,33,0,0,9,0,24,14,5,8,6,62,71,20,1,13,6,5,2,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,10,21,0,1,5,2,0,3,5,10,0,2,20,8,84,23,34,41,7,21,0,10,5,7,73,6,0,2,12,194,94,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295150804448184,0.0,0.0,0.05292440900949984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064044239694652,0.0,0.07275688707919854,0.0,0.07312017210572545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622426922531771,0.0,0.08167367848402736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946913792574377,0.0,0.07934888415142148,0.0,0.0,0.06704028412492605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427559794061732,0.0,0.17097660776262022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025355461315554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893081448121917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336750997537808,0.0,0.03935120880193859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239766238936762,0.0,0.0,0.12025648597281692,0.0,0.20330459566696835,0.0,0.044230359646945744,0.0,0.12448926518314518,0.08580353741747038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313892738846809,0.0,0.0,0.07987201971743219,0.0,0.0,0.09222428969368172,0.26082593338185817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664302038654244,0.0,0.08331443746990576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634386495081335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549708679599224,0.0,0.07800218641131709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616495742945988,0.3512054174159758,0.14728185355436296,0.10389903692269904,0.07890343853966643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734469230318701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057707058556522736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303451205513653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919024734832984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085934906564612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299144311198606,0.0,0.0,0.08355609354192416,0.08816178707987801,0.0,0.0,0.06189042935490415,0.0,0.0,0.062017316426235924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437854471183085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711993445750263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512910922893331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986781508686779,0.0,0.061785221079677675,0.04538101811594463,0.0,0.0,0.14873232561739788,0.0,0.052838805511993686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721675268505473,0.0,0.0,0.2754230607184693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045187975222306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793114331389807,0.05528542039268579,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamstillsingle,2018/03/29,"Realising I am worthless to the opposite sex. Sometimes I walk across roads without looking because I want to get hit by a car. Every time I try to get close with a girl I feel abandoned and even more lonely than when I started. If my account because inactive, I’ve finally got hit.",4.627545454545455,5.99442334545455,5.863409090909091,77.51511363636364,70.0909090909091,8.40909090909091,37.38636363636364,8.841846274778883,3.518727272727272,224,13,40,4,4,75,43,55,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.8366,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,10,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,8,7,1,9,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,1,4,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839651304927122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801280252551307,0.0,0.26534785798880106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592415214002278,0.0,0.0,0.3449978975532217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290829848161747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188374880092435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26446761394682594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31148057261856904,0.0,0.22291390554835824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364219518253566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138214310277072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857578989854551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035878605385768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,banana_man_sam,2018/03/29,there is no point did tou know that no one gives a fuck about me???????????? great because i did and it sure has helped me!! im nice to everyone yet i have like 1 friend and she has backstabbed me so many tiems. i dont know what im doing wrong and honestly there is no oint in life. i applied for summer thing with nasa that will not happen. once i am rejected from that i will definitely be taking my life. fuck everything lol no one willreply anyways . why am i seeking validation from no oone when no one cares,0.08265109890109912,2.4353452596153886,1.943681318681321,94.35846153846157,91.59615384615385,5.663736263736265,18.96703296703297,7.1686216300943375,0.3990763736263734,393,12,88,7,14,129,72,104,0.221,0.5720000000000001,0.207,0.5178,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,1,1,14,4,0,0,1,8,22,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,2,0,12,7,7,17,0,5,0,1,0,2,4,2,2,0,4,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932640606507886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828531075911203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018977132317976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137082789026467,0.16118277626045982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856068931073698,0.33160117995526983,0.0,0.17204305687927532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772733576385604,0.0,0.0,0.15859326088710116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021046790832007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874444787420437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971254870969713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25335186854730063,0.08761839395973373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182661408408116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099545142239216,0.3645843017833342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695379999075627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902954850231958,0.0,0.13484432923498033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191481499606879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183001786577902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608445320786067,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsCoolGuysIGotThis,2018/03/29,"my head is so loud cant stop thinking about killing myself
probs not going to try rn but my mind keeps racing thinking about it and how they all hate me n its my fault they’re gone 
“Best friend” has been reading and ignoring me for 3 months and I worry about her but she fuckinh hates me n couldn’t even message me on my birthday 
other friends don’t like  .to talk to me/ignore me
going to fail uni 
Anxiety attacks every day about leaving the house or going downstairs or eating or not eating or uni or people or loud noises or work or after nightmares 
can’t sleep bec,ause I keep thinking about the best way to end it 
I’m j a fucking mess i can’t ",0.6902941176470598,3.0271859705882385,2.127941176470589,94.94573529411768,86.35294117647058,3.988235294117647,20.264705882352946,5.148860815047168,-0.2401235294117648,516,16,108,2,16,166,90,136,0.224,0.625,0.151,-0.9004,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,4,8,14,5,0,3,0,8,5,2,1,1,26,21,15,1,1,12,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,2,4,3,1,0,4,7,9,0,0,2,2,16,5,13,18,3,11,0,1,0,1,7,1,1,8,6,65,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689487950839385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383696306694876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32071739378865616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854613927249446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127139151465652,0.0,0.0,0.1353392646351139,0.0,0.0,0.100925806143148,0.0,0.12874422223407445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23611246293337096,0.1412651230668778,0.0,0.0,0.26052663359121725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017252434563113,0.15682130691236534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763156587489119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27163898472323583,0.16905533004385415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179770192288714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465246780674048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428879428253844,0.0,0.12196694303215799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059352692428029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284566180378364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529146642329689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775124594218512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281831688630818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937324971543186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374409668609716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128894944763845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124335814361744,0.15518019490212662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuiBurner,2018/03/29,"I'm too young to be here, but I'm here anyways. I'm a teenager, somewhere between the ages of 15 and 18. And I've been depressed for well over half of my short life. I've been seriously considering suicide since around November, and tonight I've decided to look into it more. Here's why:

I'm a gay teenager. I suppose being gay is less trouble now than before, but it still means that I'll have less dating options, compounded with the fact that I'm not white, which I've already figured out is a deal-breaker for a significant amount of people. Yes, I'm aware that I will still likely find someone, and I already may have in fact, but the problem remains, because no teenage relationship is permanent. It's also worth noting that I don't have any friends close enough to open up to, and so I ""need"" a boyfriend who I can be open to, if a teenager can even justify ""needing"" a relationship. Because as much as you guys are great, I'd rather talk to someone I love than use a burner account on a VPN and Tor. Why am I using a VPN and Tor, you ask? Next reason.

I'm probably a pedophile. When I was younger, I vowed to take myself out if I turned out to be like ""one of them"". What a shitty surprise. I've noticed that I've been looking at older children's  to preteens faces and butts and am sexually aroused by the thought of sleeping with one, although I'm also disgusted by that. I have never watched actual child porn, although a temptation exists. I am in a degree of denial, however, because of that moral disgust and also because I'm attracted to people my own age. What I'm afraid of is that the people I'm attracted to will stay the same age. In that case the likelihood of suicide goes up from the current 40% to about 75%, if we're being scientific. But strangely enough, I'm not worried most about that, I'm more worried about my loneliness than the fact that I've probably got a brain that's similar to that of some sick fuck that gets his jollies off on torturing kids. Perhaps I should be more worried. And no, I will not be getting therapy for this, I'd rather be dead than spend life behind bars for a mental illness I have zero intent to act on. I swear, I'm relatively normal outside of this, I have superficial friends, I don't bring my teddy bear to school, I don't wear a fedora and have a five-o-clock shadow. But I'm not sure if I can live with this, regardless of if I should or not.

Finally, there's the fact that my depression's not going away. At this point, my brain is ruined and I'm not sure I can handle genuine contentedness in life, nor am I able to achieve it. I've been on multiple different medicines, had different types of therapies, and nothing is working to fix me. Another beautiful thing is that even if I am fixed, I'm still broken.

Typing this all out has taken away some of my fears of suicide. I still don't have the courage to do it now, but maybe that will come. Like many depressed people, I don't really want to die, but increasingly it seems like the best option. I'm a man of science, and unfortunately there's no scientific ways to fall in love and, well, not be a pedophile. So this is what I'm left with. I see that ""the main rule is 'Please don't be explicit about methods'"" so I won't. I'll just say that I found some good drugs from a seemingly reputable and reliable online source, and it's just a matter of saving up pennies and courage.",5.484310218978101,5.381431210218982,6.3512317518248205,80.02889142335769,67.55474452554746,9.477737226277373,33.3293795620438,9.188382445141503,2.7690445255474456,2669,111,543,45,40,886,307,685,0.179,0.708,0.113,-0.9951,5,0,2,0,0,5,91.0,0,2,1,3,33,35,4,2,35,1,59,20,7,4,9,98,104,45,5,16,26,0,0,4,2,8,6,1,0,5,38,33,1,0,9,1,3,6,20,13,2,4,10,6,43,22,85,76,19,56,1,4,5,8,19,30,2,16,22,357,81,5,0.07405055571399362,0.0,0.07226266045577605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343325922821686,0.17765460795225546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035691718727075,0.07764846425301625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592069421495568,0.06922727350234864,0.0,0.13914586937706075,0.0,0.0,0.18056212580336636,0.0,0.06301156883146766,0.0,0.07771148966560393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532982033191068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378799686330039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634287139213741,0.19133890538736148,0.0,0.07685278575612446,0.1547341397275082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587513513274549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302803802766984,0.0,0.09781938732333764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332746245819078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111876422211217,0.06768086638366133,0.0,0.0,0.08119261219924602,0.11442255130857168,0.06845854552282928,0.07737671807317052,0.0,0.04208463730798867,0.06211009282807841,0.059224994051483626,0.08164099909610452,0.0,0.07332169236863839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045614545225588,0.0,0.15691229230769455,0.14470944433523986,0.0,0.06538799736452795,0.0,0.12436763338146214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366703531720198,0.0,0.0,0.07507564079968625,0.0743937362858815,0.0806627638368225,0.0,0.0,0.07462554328312447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443567881592835,0.10981509754148362,0.057112353638586875,0.0,0.07875360608707062,0.0,0.07255382217803823,0.07105350536210864,0.08430704848416036,0.0,0.0,0.10035714599049396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534932599034428,0.0,0.0,0.08128527320943096,0.07000171040457033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967804710848768,0.07085638107229722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047438682163232056,0.07613630437662375,0.0,0.15900516837995346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058887974075442426,0.0,0.07494311575305179,0.05900870554628498,0.1348256895552977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125538490394398,0.0,0.07410403413972846,0.0,0.1254855911066615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892803965116732,0.2365474777927906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24299786717871746,0.0,0.13958354481621835,0.0,0.05567680219155731,0.059519031697711375,0.0,0.0,0.16936652805774874,0.0,0.04919589881522685,0.0,0.0,0.05878786970957139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054574046446028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791180900861787,0.0,0.0,0.04367693634385556,0.05877788435611497,0.0,0.0,0.133160685402217,0.0,0.1336382174094691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390968649764935,0.2256058014812208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AFreshStart18,2018/03/29,"Heartbroken...and lost. Back when I was 19 years I met a beautiful women, she was a bit older but I didn't care. We used to stay up all night together, listen to music and talk about life. I told her everything about me, my goals, my past etc. The thing is, she was married. She told me everything about her except that part  She never mentioned her husband to me. How did I find out? I was walking by her place whilst taking the dog for a walk, and I saw her walking to her car with with her husband. I know this because they were holding hands and he had a ring. The husband is a businessman so I never seen his car until then. We never slept with each other, but the connection we had was amazing. I never had that with a women. It's been 2 months since then and I'm still suffering through the pain. I walked home and cried. She was my first love, and I can't get her out of mind. I haven't left the house in weeks, I'm scared to love again. I am now depressed and getting dark thoughts of suicide, what should I do?  ",1.2212857142857132,3.2759096047619067,2.4700000000000024,95.16500000000002,81.52380952380952,5.523809523809526,20.952380952380953,6.655083550727371,0.21409523809523856,787,23,176,8,21,252,123,210,0.145,0.767,0.087,-0.9145,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,3,0,1,3,10,9,0,1,12,0,20,6,2,2,5,33,39,15,1,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,7,17,0,1,3,0,0,6,7,5,0,1,21,5,39,4,23,17,5,33,0,3,2,2,32,6,0,0,20,128,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896689145470943,0.0,0.08638561495767973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547115384452971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448364960226415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566270748695615,0.0,0.0,0.12205534195815912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804505020501133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25472113735372304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295211437594214,0.1205391711893505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480761337831619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214753054584714,0.0,0.0,0.16351528707432092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788057359430288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396924623243605,0.0,0.10009455973567688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469412589939405,0.0,0.2557991382538566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430875548347507,0.0,0.11311224337641958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371845551816446,0.0,0.0,0.13298602698066614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079032896804162,0.0,0.0,0.1534590340185381,0.135279035150576,0.0,0.0,0.14805766996634606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418772761192243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722467424113404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510449040702001,0.11317046276953685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550086623186085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654891826943916,0.11390180818964575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414638764670384,0.0,0.0,0.11250258057869182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708215679255902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223926693640281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367189088488945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125713711815868
suicidewatch,TheOneHyer,2018/03/29,"Lifes too hard I want to kill myself tonight. And last Friday. And often. I don't know how to handle myself, my thoughts, my emotions. I don't know any person close enough to tell my thoughts too so I'm vomiting here. My girlfriend and I broke up a year ago and she's dating a once great friend of mine. It's been a year, but it's built-up into something terrible. I frequently get sleep paralysis and suffer delusions of demons and malicious agents suppressing me. I used to always have my girlfriend near and she would hold me and ground me. I had one recently and she wasn't there and I had nothing to keep me grounded in reality. It lasted longer than any delusion I've ever had. I'm scared to sleep and I'm scared to wake up. My friend recently quit his PhD and I was so scared of another attack that I stayed up for 48 hours. I make plenty at my job but I'm broke because I spend more than I make to make myself feel better. My thereapist quit recently so she's not even there. I'm alone and despise myself. I overeat and watch TV for hours then show up hours late for work. I hid it all. I smile around my co-workers who are the only humans I see anymore. The thing is, life should be going well for me. I know plenty of money. I got accepted to multiple graduate schools and a NASA internship this summer. Everything points to me having a good life but I hate myself. I hate it all. I work in a lab with chloroform and phenol and acid. I have sleeping pills at home. I own a gun. I live alone. No one would know for weeks. I want the delusions to end. I want my ex out of my head. I want it gone. ",0.22007587999718936,2.578170504531723,1.9214585821682029,94.99708705121901,90.17824773413898,5.1334504320944285,18.875922152743627,6.7210904114959815,0.15866747699009354,1251,37,273,17,43,407,171,331,0.175,0.735,0.09,-0.9864,1,2,1,1,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,5,14,19,5,3,10,0,17,11,5,5,3,53,45,25,1,7,4,1,2,0,4,3,5,0,1,2,10,22,1,3,8,2,2,2,5,12,1,2,10,5,56,7,36,31,5,39,1,3,2,0,14,16,0,1,20,172,66,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050696409921658,0.0,0.0,0.1881254610201265,0.0,0.0,0.07556999779100887,0.0,0.0,0.12352221712566952,0.09523329660220303,0.0,0.0,0.09006961083946698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084957100941173,0.0,0.10332152068740492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536338241579687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080323422283913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021609280408003,0.08044007663335516,0.09384193669597392,0.0,0.05998613633911842,0.0821524139102476,0.0,0.0,0.08162368088488782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459216139467719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033550916400406,0.0,0.04745000440933415,0.0,0.05161542840162662,0.07617599329476746,0.07263751419976806,0.1001300097383123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813574004266766,0.1793330396118197,0.09320811650472556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110044649130876,0.0,0.268319929760225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901254115017322,0.08072550418629476,0.10047951524391947,0.0,0.19965046174761006,0.14806178822509572,0.1024495697617229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244778396618173,0.0,0.0,0.08019623578064868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181870326538884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714479566172573,0.0,0.0,0.09672095331187563,0.12308475051252607,0.06907314338994427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930102707642271,0.0,0.0,0.08585480361720109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931977316630602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26902309731668084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727817321581244,0.09191527533046316,0.07237224343665145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726585076938365,0.0,0.0,0.06991811934111468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680265389199992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938118973233234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033715758004159,0.0,0.0,0.1442027910409266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843982082214114,0.0,0.0,0.2142733239362612,0.0,0.07285079081823907,0.0,0.08165860825875494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835539105706104,0.0,0.0,0.12903266809088906,0.0,0.0,0.11697095130754236
suicidewatch,Suicidalthoughts2828,2018/03/29,"considering it 3 past failed attempts..thought I got out of it by putting my life back together. Got a great career & started a relationship. Then recently my almost a year relationship failed, work stress and drama, and still no family or home to call my own. just me, the lonely me. On top of that I try to make new friends to listen to and understand me. Then knowing all this, this jerk still rapes me. I’m really tired. I want to sleep forever. I can’t take this stress from work, colleagues, family, ex, people, anyone anymore.

I need space and time to think if this is all worth it in the end. Never been married, At 29, being used, abused, and thrown out like garbage by everyone..I understand no one wants to be near me. I think i’m ready to call it a day.",2.8745797249108525,4.743017211920532,4.022119205298015,86.91425878757003,75.55629139072849,7.824961793173712,24.198166072338253,8.617729084823388,1.5515293937850227,593,19,124,12,13,193,99,151,0.196,0.6990000000000001,0.104,-0.9465,0,2,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,0,5,4,10,2,2,6,0,5,4,1,2,3,24,22,9,0,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,9,7,0,0,5,1,1,1,4,7,0,1,3,1,14,3,19,17,3,23,0,3,0,1,7,8,0,3,15,73,23,5,0.0,0.1588462683706946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424771715315278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526043761765128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132957431492181,0.09374205318013933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308846627242677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737927182148176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646146865752775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874266890380185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527709562368895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357904664898086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444962908058104,0.14780822061972906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447911299254553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367915866068832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946947692791026,0.06549786783256709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949008533837455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994082283686994,0.10339995174222492,0.12948176273476386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084658039196557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279811515801836,0.09294447280209032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477334316154393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588610228591356,0.0,0.13237398532803746,0.2878733879764919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416280481873166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489259348670943,0.0,0.2141305359546092,0.0,0.3071442633483896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080093522671484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180813835963904,0.0,0.1064334159552296,0.07817495338209354,0.15408912666879326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102200279227103,0.0,0.0,0.27913483480406925,0.0,0.1157899651837832,0.0,0.0,0.15815118174893825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520326609440497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633409814974527
suicidewatch,harlequin-dreams,2018/03/29,"I did what I thought I never would Hi, Thankyou for stopping by and reading my post. 
On the 24th of November last year around 17:06 I hung myself in a psych ward. The rooms are meant to be safe but it was so easy. The thing is, I was clinically dead for around but probably ‭over 5 mins. It was only the gut instinct of a young nurse that saved me. The reason we know I was dead for that long is because it took at least 2 mins for them to cut me down and then cpr with defibrillator for at least 3 mins. 
Anyway, I had been going through a really tough time. The girl of my dreams didn’t know to cope with my depression and after years of the best times in my life she left, not to say she didn’t try but in retrospect I expected to much or maybe needed to much. At the time I didn’t realise how difficult I was to be with but I guess I treated her as my support, lover, councillor, advisor, best friend, cooking and eating buddy. Basically my world. 
I now know that not one person can be everything. Girlfriends with no experience of dealing in mental health should not be expected to heal or even know how to help their partner and I think I’ll be sorry into my old age for being a burden and stress. Excuse the pun but it kills me that the person she fell in love with is still here but just a bit unwell. Like having the hiccups for 3 years I guess I must get annoying.
Anyway we broke up and now don’t talk.
I also had a good friend and surf travel mate hang himself 2 months before. The week and especially the day of his wake I was so angry at myself for being withdrawn and selfish that I didn’t see my mates signs. He was 35 mins away and hung himself in the bush. 
The thing I should probably mention here is that I’m a nurse. Yep a male nurse. And I hung myself in hospital 
The day it happened was a shit day. I got drunk on a day off and contacted my mum saying life is shit etc. I think she called the cops but only because the next morning 2 bored looking cops turned up and said they were doing a welfare check. Maybe it’s a good thing because I was headed on a one way ticket down. But we spoke and they were actually cool. I was crying and just sitting in the dirt. These guys got down on the ground with me and didn’t give a fuck. One guy even picked up a stick and drew in the dirt, chatting and calming the situation.
They called the ambos who were exceptional and off we went.
A short 5 hour ride strapped to a mattress and we got there. I live in regional Australia folks so a 5 hour trip is kinda short. Anyway things were ok, I had access to a psych registra and mental health support.
Things turned to shit when I handed everything over, my tobacco, cards, wallet.
Once handed over the nurses won’t release all that until final discharge. 
They, perhaps during an Indian brain block forgot to convey this.
I was admitted then given gate leave but not with any Id or cards. The clothes I was wearing were covered in dirt so a nurse offered to wash them in the ward machine.
My only clothes.
Anyway. They gave me some size 40 pants and an XL t. I’m 32 inch waist btw and I went outside looking for a smoke. 
Came back just feeling like shit so I ripped up some sheets with my teeth, platted a rope and bid the world fair well ",2.400291536050158,4.245436912121214,3.490658307210033,90.30409090909092,76.84848484848484,6.309299895506793,22.43991640543365,7.1686216300943375,0.6419085684430512,2542,73,539,29,58,819,318,660,0.149,0.725,0.127,-0.9583,0,1,2,0,0,0,58.0,5,0,8,2,28,35,8,1,51,3,50,27,13,4,3,96,90,50,3,7,20,1,3,2,7,5,8,4,3,7,22,42,4,4,11,7,1,10,13,16,1,3,41,11,73,19,78,37,11,92,0,2,3,3,56,43,5,8,38,358,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.07021122708143554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753708274013685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048927356472299705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280986003476758,0.0,0.0,0.06759785877421069,0.05532385277348942,0.0,0.13157716935476,0.0,0.06122276069106525,0.0,0.1510107436768812,0.0,0.07854898181495054,0.0,0.0,0.08031817182928583,0.14693465312541476,0.08228976407584379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903190222610422,0.18560297715354232,0.0741756066764595,0.06196902268720505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362114091559169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024144740106649,0.09504243509729214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932510520510124,0.07037930830032288,0.0,0.0,0.036379255936948685,0.05139992744315218,0.0,0.07881591875308408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111174259050148,0.06651510551994856,0.03759005196588598,0.06901942920615141,0.04088991476420052,0.12069375259910425,0.17263104402820295,0.0,0.15851847458271778,0.14248038919187458,0.06362370293182439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383978119011,0.1529554983822145,0.0,0.0,0.04822547349561824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170929632461224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960020755620764,0.0,0.1581637625860677,0.058647521563227764,0.0,0.0761829316581636,0.07817211078053822,0.0,0.10163851812815017,0.07030067529320917,0.0,0.06353172582361265,0.06367204031848417,0.12083701449478812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493620986803969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456360944532462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501406210288914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057428499757076285,0.0,0.10578065580677737,0.053348802146398186,0.055491015763640565,0.0,0.07651790406810667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754977076819407,0.07662266224085389,0.14626222564893412,0.16415992464887955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564507699664054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890664679461812,0.0,0.15514501617768853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719678368052105,0.0,0.04609196595861704,0.07397490380249543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843937260435809,0.11443245776169295,0.0,0.0,0.05733353295824604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29541585737329834,0.0,0.08087297852667469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054030585925856,0.0,0.0,0.05745805847064867,0.06015205607492024,0.08241661080107247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329230748073445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782937168155629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389964887402043,0.0922032162819975,0.0,0.057118966334467974,0.12586101339569955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993728256679483,0.048848218076309166,0.15651832463748053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057109264450886675,0.057712639792185084,0.0,0.06469022218477806,0.1333937132334191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111005530148381,0.0,0.0,0.13899716742548995
suicidewatch,throwaway0000953,2018/03/29,"Friend got out of a mental hospital for an eating disorder and now has no control over her diet, and it is making her super distressed. and I’m very concerned First off I’m really sorry for not knowing where else to post this. I tried to post on r/eatingdisorders but wasn’t allowed to there. So, here we go.
My friend somewhat recently got confined to a mental hospital because of her eating disorder. Long story short, she’s out after nearly a week in, and can’t decide anything at all about what she eats. Every single meal of every single day is dictated for her, and there is nothing she can do about it. As a result, this constant eating has taken a serious toll on her mental health. Mind you, she has anxiety and depression as well. So this constant flow of food that she can’t do anything about it causing immense emotional strain on her on top of the everyday struggle of the other mental disorders. Also, this friend has gained 15 pounds in a month and as a result feels nothing but sadness, fear, anger, and a total lack of control for anything that is happening in her life. What can be done to help stop all of the pain and hurt associated with being totally unable to control her own diet, and is there anything that can be done to help regulate this diet so that she isn’t in constant emotional pain from weight gain that is currently destroying her?",7.543497536945813,7.145310249042147,7.866154898741104,71.8711206896552,63.36781609195402,10.67553366174056,35.117952928297754,10.125756701596842,3.5803998905309253,1089,43,188,21,14,358,138,261,0.16899999999999998,0.69,0.141,-0.8292,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,0,8,14,17,2,4,12,0,24,14,0,8,4,37,34,19,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,16,14,10,5,3,0,0,2,6,12,1,1,6,2,19,5,42,25,9,35,0,3,0,0,22,17,0,1,14,148,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883290703362263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584595381550278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28332446235074626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246957634173738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842114338638413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790444645634257,0.2896160801459122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551025470509879,0.0,0.07413493653923632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29594289297613496,0.0,0.0,0.1761660472521978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522985112915441,0.07190332294464358,0.19364209262799814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504118823492118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685656132725448,0.043521322642823934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321403277603354,0.1040803576501553,0.0,0.19950040234814956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048917525316478576,0.0,0.13768160218084127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611446775674108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149205259480404,0.0,0.0,0.11538643864752972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214340866079113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730371721896611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060796223376040126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761722948603019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745469638493924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34696717247129594,0.0,0.08690964792729121,0.0,0.0687030067671771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651795937761694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317643930092745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486914479951395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514085623971346,0.0,0.08498714810170653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635218057036808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719612584876143,0.0,0.08998265870674317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843822268137321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101961076229607,0.0,0.0,0.06904292988614211,0.10481427403049418,0.0773903687425399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cristobalgc,2018/03/29,Why is so hard to commit suicide? Please someone explain me why is so hard to commit suicide even if you are 100% sure about it. I,0.68888888888889,2.90671862962963,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,84.92592592592592,3.6,23.814814814814817,3.1291,0.007948148148148705,101,4,21,0,3,33,20,27,0.316,0.447,0.237,-0.6376,0,0,0,0,0,4,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,4,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734529018915097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704979535464442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28826936878301684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251049120841293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5745103142832764,0.0,0.2475089199306444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739333837097269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tsus1991,2018/03/29,"I'm just a terrible person I just do things which I'm not aware of that hurt people and make them hate me. The way I am, the way I was raised just make me a terrible person. Worst part? I don't even understand why. Why do I do such things? Why am I such an annoying piece of shit? I'm not intreresting, the only way I can get people to notice me is my humor, which is ironic humor. It gets old, and it becomes annoying. Other than that, I'm just an anxious prick. I don't want to live this life anymore, I can't see myself in the mirror without a feeling of disgust. It would be selfish to kill myself, but I'll be doing everyone a favor, they won't have to deal with my bullshit anymore. The only reason I haven't killed myself is my parents, my friends probably can't stand me anymore anyway. 

I'd just like to change, completely.",1.9787475915221573,3.6577754682080936,4.050196531791912,86.56681695568403,77.55491329479769,6.694258188824662,23.67206165703276,7.554174236665415,1.1015814258188823,648,21,134,9,15,222,93,173,0.193,0.69,0.117,-0.7634,1,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,2,0,9,18,8,0,11,0,21,3,2,3,0,19,34,3,2,2,9,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,11,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,1,2,23,5,12,29,3,6,0,1,1,0,7,1,2,0,2,95,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362973020950492,0.3782601426487167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041391135615874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344951260660861,0.0,0.13330175423939478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107367586215599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397343742283153,0.0,0.0,0.1214857892806735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642847832925015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822648878704128,0.0,0.1328486953536924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552243483857142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610383825428274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131867796624016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980131593899694,0.06211319555811015,0.0,0.11226516655118036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973117919941202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474743410091329,0.13340992421136524,0.0,0.0,0.1933883273049286,0.0,0.0,0.1411716822007243,0.13767804398144629,0.0,0.1762829358036347,0.2220239622409432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707624698509535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071901932983648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131251029438937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050531053552294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892965060045098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235512204448496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749892752602983,0.3027486347369757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441667585743137,0.0,0.0,0.12255647681176107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031517397766864,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skeletonkeylove,2018/03/29,"Giving up. I don't have much to offer this world. I'm tired of being left in all areas of relationships. I don't make my family proud. All the effort I put forth at work doesn't amount to anything. I don't have many accomplishments for someone my(28/f) age. I have only a couple 1000 dollars to my name. No licence. No friends at all. One 13 year relationship that ended badly. I literally have no will to carry on anymore. 

I want to die. I don't want to see if it gets any better because it never has in all the years I've been dealing with this heavy darkness in my heart. 

I want to die. The desire to live hasn't been there for years. No therapy helps. Being alone all the time makes it so much harder. 

I'm just tired of it all. I hate that my death would destroy my family and that makes me hate myself even more. I'm so fed up it's not even funny. I want to leave this ugly world and never come back. ",0.271327939076631,2.463567434554978,2.4377939076630177,93.04808543550692,86.69633507853399,4.938695859114707,16.535221323179442,6.351523495107088,-0.3664366492146596,704,15,156,7,22,237,108,191,0.243,0.653,0.103,-0.9846,0,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,5,7,7,3,0,5,0,17,4,1,3,8,25,34,5,3,7,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,13,4,0,1,3,1,18,3,23,27,10,23,0,0,1,0,8,12,0,1,9,101,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891980852425236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464808800457252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234469478008161,0.0,0.0,0.10243331081667324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957145183385018,0.10393243196450898,0.07587953934141746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100890880447796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722522890032958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377305534746604,0.0,0.0,0.12832950182575806,0.0,0.0,0.25837329747125304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024897130898058,0.0,0.0,0.16443071913846882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346901763213793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617000735823472,0.0,0.06503367964926171,0.11940891841919415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578896448635976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750490248740775,0.08343377649741637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180232835791014,0.135243761158453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991476969830176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24926650062670405,0.12619933475629716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300866647031871,0.0,0.1920074463243522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434829811065606,0.09466976316456344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513296678104827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672817209233465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991914195529918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054682847224368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234938885104367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258307626120214,0.2861341733677293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29367716356865226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062015988749733,0.0,0.0,0.08842432477479037,0.0,0.0,0.2404757851015397
suicidewatch,YaBoySlimdick,2018/03/29,"Hey guys, massive turd here Posting from alt because fuck you

Anyways I'm super fucking lonely and basically spend the entire day trying to feel less lonely with ASMR role-play and picture of Mariza (he's such a cutie. Also he made me realize I'm bi) but that backfired spectacularly because of course it would.

Rest of the day was spent looking at maxmoefoe's ""this is sickening"" memes and feeling awful because he looks good and I don't.

Anyways I'll have a 4-day-long break and it'll probably be just realizing I have anger issues because of brawlhalla (I pinched a hole in my keyboard) and feeling more and more lonely until I snap and either cut or hang myself (sayori is best girl).

Anyway since I'm already on my alt I'm off to have a wank, bye fuckers, much love",5.381,6.334099766666667,6.229333333333333,77.11800000000002,68.0,8.133333333333333,32.33333333333333,8.238735603445708,2.5369333333333333,615,26,109,8,10,203,105,150,0.184,0.68,0.136,-0.8494,0,6,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,2,7,13,5,1,6,1,10,5,0,1,0,20,24,12,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,5,0,2,1,1,9,0,0,3,5,9,4,13,18,7,10,0,3,2,5,9,4,3,1,4,65,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990866349625835,0.14427360440518025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399044135525201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932889239944287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490480733514095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736617567129884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335717962655628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513191309620649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863400720719042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830089730031074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965694329809224,0.30299748955750805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282683458919903,0.170708058713419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262191757717914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278266166941522,0.0,0.1945122138929796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923680175569234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248637148444068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815790353843065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diveforme,2018/03/29,"The urge to not overdose is killing me. I have everything I could want, but I’m still never comfortable with wherever I am. I’m seeing a psychologist April 5th, but I honestly don’t think I can make it until then.",4.248062015503876,5.244149,5.9162790697674446,78.17503875968997,70.62790697674419,10.38449612403101,30.6124031007752,10.504223727775694,3.297347286821706,169,7,34,5,3,58,35,43,0.087,0.732,0.181,0.4320000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,9,12,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,11,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332286063681564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37509694003121136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617478444394887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785915485459031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32189434803327355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325824903016341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33330484252526416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674279230901334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617019003393406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,juztbreathing,2018/03/29,"How to get out of panophobia or pantophobia or GAD disorder becoz of this i cant live life like normal people and suicide the last option left for me Sorry for bad English
Since childhood i am suffering from this disorder i think but it got so strong as i started to do job
Even to get the small things done i need lot of guts
I always afraid of small small things
I am very straight forward guy, introvert, shy with zero skills.
I really hate corporate world as i am not fit into this but i dont have any other way or skill to earn money
My looks personality really sucks i am short height guy
So while walk in public looks like child. 
Dont have leadership quality, low grasping power
But as a software developer tomorrow i may need to lead group of people. Need to take important decision need to go for work to new locations or abroad and so may things which corporate world needs
But i easily give up, negative thinker dont have my own opinion or stand always confused
Now friends tell how can i go ahead in life with such characteristics and nature and skill
My whole family is dependent on me and dont have any bank balance or inherited wealth from parents
Only salary is the source of income
I know suicide is the solution but is the only way to escape from emotional pain
I love cars but dont have parking place and money to buy and becoz of this phobia wont able to ever drive car
I tried to learn riding bike but totally failed here also same condition no money to buy no parking place
Things which are normal to other world are difficult to do or achieve for me
In short looks like i am not born to survive in this world
If i wont be able to achieve anything in life or wont be able to live normal life then i dont have any right to live this life
I cant explain each and everything here but i hope whoever reads this will get what i want to say 
In the end i would say only that one thing i got clear is that mentally ill people hardly able to live normal life
Thus is the world's biggest and incurable disease 
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suicidewatch,w0lfiemesh,2018/03/29,Please comfort me I really wish I didnt have family or close friends so then I could just end my miserable life,0.8337681159420285,3.348098173913044,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,89.0,8.284057971014493,20.71014492753623,8.841846274778883,1.921214492753624,90,3,19,3,3,30,21,23,0.114,0.498,0.388,0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169878877706723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35164157158438203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742747957519633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067363996708473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28042672274025304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358083571005679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543409564892192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45655300834488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeirdCuriosityAlt,2018/03/29,"I think about suicide to calm myself Right now it is the only thing that helps pull me out of bad moods, just hope it stays that way.",3.0642857142857127,3.9252654285714286,2.934285714285714,98.96071428571429,73.28571428571428,5.6000000000000005,17.571428571428573,3.1291,-0.9906285714285716,104,1,25,0,2,31,26,28,0.212,0.5820000000000001,0.206,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30998453980341434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488461043656165,0.0,0.0,0.3687425080269092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823580898971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31705191201506344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957111419646245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40609549298000464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466470139913277,0.23788684193883744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946869559109707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MSD1203,2018/03/29,"In desperate need of a friend. Hey, anybody wanna chat or be my friend? I don't think I can take the loneliness anymore.",1.0175000000000018,3.5302024166666683,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,87.33333333333334,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.648016666666667,94,4,19,2,3,31,22,24,0.185,0.5820000000000001,0.233,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481625204361944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6982723130194541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33507748816908434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397719156163661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895587236251415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway75432485,2018/03/29,"Give some advice on help So I'm in the middle of a lengthy episode again, and I think today I've hit my lowest point in about 5 years (20, had depression/anxiety for the better part of my life). I honestly just don't know what to do. I don't think I'm a danger to myself, but I'm in a spot I haven't been in in so long that I just don't know how I'm going to react if it continues/gets worse. Honestly, I'm just worried that I'll get overwhelmed rather suddenly and just snap and do something to myself that I shouldn't, because it's that bad (hence why I guess I'm here).

Let me say that I'm lucky. I have an awesome support network, and that's what this post is about. I have some very close friends (fraternity brothers) that have offered to help if I need it, but I'm worried to reach out. It's midterm season at a really stressful school, and I hate burdening them with my problems. I feel like it isn't fair to them to have to worry about me, so I never ask for help. Tonight is just awful, but I don't know how to ask a friend for help because I'm so worried about being a burden where one isn't needed.

Thanks for any help. I really appreciate it.",3.967392473118281,3.7952298790322594,5.274935483870969,86.69156989247314,70.7741935483871,8.387526881720433,27.8236559139785,8.021203637495839,1.4957846236559145,902,28,206,11,15,303,122,248,0.19,0.605,0.205,0.3407,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,19,17,2,2,9,1,20,1,0,3,1,37,47,16,0,7,11,1,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,16,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,2,2,24,9,29,41,3,22,0,1,0,0,15,12,0,6,9,128,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752130015003293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081784138981965,0.0,0.09200218761577604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486257196418494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041602428231897,0.14662452366439147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636437856181327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608094599448128,0.08591714559632106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858324607936237,0.0,0.12566671310181285,0.11536888558137272,0.06834921633114129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248515647705014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873652025489258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40305455998523626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982830476735364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297883239727707,0.08494653392136248,0.058755271214794624,0.0,0.0,0.1064304996248948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834954364364855,0.09275557219269237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149449205753445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023498053460034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136890408007308,0.0,0.1151803650259084,0.0,0.0,0.11507710243312268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408932841265174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563933864819177,0.0,0.1217143251977786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258566309142167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776283940444445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647498794719212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072360331595044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541215630413279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399689980334055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923099560619922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085202108905193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.488538675626522,0.12256003216838796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744654169262552
suicidewatch,hrenee7,2018/03/29,I'm the worst person ever Sooo.. last year I was feeling suicidal and down about life and bitter about things not going my way and so I did attempt suicide several ways trying to suffocate myself with plastic bags and also tightening chords around my neck in attempt to strangle myself. I really regret it because I'm pretty sure I'm now suffering from breathing issues now and I only made things worse for people at the mental hospital. Does anyone know if there's a way to get your oxygen back to normal after an attempt? ,6.992121212121212,7.588419676767678,7.5318686868686875,70.45113636363638,64.35353535353535,9.42828282828283,31.65151515151515,9.2995712137729,3.0701636363636364,424,15,65,7,6,140,75,99,0.226,0.711,0.062,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,3,11,5,1,0,4,0,2,3,2,1,2,16,10,8,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,2,9,1,14,7,1,15,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524990972366525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270003251111138,0.0,0.0,0.16168972469687234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966270513240786,0.0,0.11072031612951652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894614511280314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429525874398446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183787896444437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489448186332984,0.0,0.10322484466118703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957513709121174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981941707463304,0.1480531651395867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829105056678974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186324705377612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830409053256819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795940521226078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381382411709712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591977519911415,0.1585928172046006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478359789243665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635720088055775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051908570440018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39734875078768056,0.0,0.1711846727520318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133457422978885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331524171621465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325097021345691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509707881592452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696413894543807
suicidewatch,throwawaaaayyyyy15,2018/03/29,I've got a plan and I've done trial runs... I'm ready I'm in therapy and it was so fucking hard today. I'm ready. I'm done. It's not worth trying to fix everything wrong with me. It's too much and has been going on for too long. I'm so fucked up. A part of me wants to die so bad and a part of me doesn't but the part that wants to is mostly in control and I don't think I can do this much longer. I can't hold on.,-3.133253182461104,-1.5638619702970296,0.3087199434229149,105.69863861386145,99.3960396039604,3.6777934936350776,11.174681753889676,5.288315135182226,-1.7505536067892504,315,4,92,2,14,112,59,101,0.146,0.816,0.038,-0.8348,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,4,0,11,2,0,1,0,14,23,9,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,5,1,6,0,12,18,6,9,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,2,56,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674080965281233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711440613674386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239690030800731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596989411093441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579494315761492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32494922285790023,0.0,0.0,0.09988066561337552,0.0,0.1405603613384949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743415406650568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552993457300554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583874867905188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5709483110495093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009811969060648,0.0,0.0,0.11261112510318524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658693166363636,0.0,0.0,0.11932019334412215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731942832493996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215097694467065,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lavenderx90,2018/03/29,"Being sad was all I was ever good at. I've gone over all of the options in my mind. Recovering & being a stronger person is such an attractive choice but I cannot comprehend another night living this life much less enough to ""recover"". I have visions of a dream life, a kind of alternate reality of what I could have been if I had been a better person or more driven person. When I was younger, I naively thought I could fight my mind and accomplish these visions but I know now they're just fantasy that cannot be achieved. I've never been good at anything in life, but I perfected being the ""sad"" girl, the unapproachable one who was mostly invisible to everyone. I gave myself enough time to try to live a life, accomplish something, do something and I failed myself so it seems like time is out for me. I know no one cares but I wish light & love to everyone here struggling, hoping the other side has something for me that is better than here.",4.373575289575292,5.924524291891896,5.190598455598458,81.38466216216217,70.94594594594594,8.528957528957529,28.349420849420852,9.04235418022936,2.3210772200772203,754,28,144,15,14,245,110,185,0.077,0.653,0.27,0.9913,0,1,3,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,8,8,16,1,1,10,0,23,5,0,0,5,27,34,10,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,8,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,5,0,2,12,1,20,11,18,16,8,16,0,3,0,1,8,7,0,6,8,107,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667367986854117,0.0,0.0,0.1290710191426733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129291301771344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772691579747608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549886857465062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965553403778553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543705791949113,0.0,0.0,0.11134231583642454,0.0,0.23523630842546106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648477873932247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225654304554953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817971221607027,0.1352945318994303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477695651206301,0.06013575297206801,0.0,0.21738216050319933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109389374369236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485724341585719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048560857045122,0.0,0.09493490644900714,0.0,0.0,0.11551200407973375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681848425276408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224333741139597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205687919861193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842830157689185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868081415717858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772003000492473,0.1435500067637624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357030321859199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154788781816707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,composmentis8,2018/03/29,"I am so broken. Life these past two years has sincerely beaten me down.  I thought that getting a good job and moving out and regaining some independence again would help me... it hasn't. it only exacerbated the dread. All i see are the same uncaring faces (a reflection of my own to some degree no doubt.) people trying to pull a fast one all the time.  Reminding you the noble things you prize like trust aren't beneficial in this day and age. I have no one.  I feel incapable. And i recently started to feel real deep sorrow in regards to humans claiming stewardship of the earth.  How arrogant!  With egos so fragile. How much my existence contributes to the mess too really has me justifying suicidal notions. 
",3.490785169029444,6.307090603053435,4.903560523446019,76.57261450381681,78.08396946564886,8.933696837513631,26.914394765539804,9.424239791934726,3.0564608505997817,563,23,97,17,14,187,94,131,0.208,0.659,0.133,-0.8931,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,2,6,10,1,2,9,0,8,2,1,3,2,21,14,8,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,3,1,4,13,5,12,12,7,16,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,3,10,70,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864734210079456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330859034942485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042180356917954,0.0,0.0,0.19332454475863245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449296270168475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287263138445169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280229774886018,0.11260604426168926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449749866467432,0.16943708094023252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31237273490463896,0.1752984558958941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002931845568266,0.15979313166325024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26234871615999755,0.14765815370042865,0.0,0.22758161974142185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367113325862772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314240349909245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521192606579976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531276852020078,0.0,0.0,0.1829837572516844,0.13440089810560935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564879592938095,0.0,0.22515578387930624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373387952511506,0.0,0.0,0.14842836262082654
suicidewatch,techsupport42,2018/03/29,"once I've hit zero on my personal(financial) debts ill kill myself the title pretty much says it all. Though I've never spoken about this to my wife or anyone else in my life, i know that I'm not holding to the worth that I know the people in my life see. I am a waste of space and I want to make sure that the burden i leave on the others in my life are safe and comfortable before I end it all. It will take a while and I will be sure to leave without a single trace of my existence. I am not OK, but i have promised myself that I can  only commit suicide if i am happy and healthy, is that weird? I cant tell anymore and i feel more and more every day like i am in a living hell trapped in a sexless marriage and in a hapless life, This in my one and only cry(ish) for help and will not be repeated. I am tired and i don't believe in god anymore, my physics background and education have pushed me into a realm in which i no longer can believe a magic man in the sky determines my fate, so i wonder if i can finally reach a state of nothing in which there is nothing to fear any longer, or at the very least no one to disappoint",10.830840248962653,4.6870409792531165,10.651696058091288,72.35107105809129,62.44398340248964,13.37780082987552,40.91338174273859,8.841846274778883,3.5169207468879664,880,26,198,8,8,296,130,241,0.189,0.665,0.146,-0.9274,1,1,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,14,2,1,16,1,20,6,0,1,6,35,30,19,2,3,9,1,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,1,13,12,0,2,4,0,2,1,9,6,0,3,0,3,31,8,27,24,7,25,1,1,1,0,6,17,1,5,7,143,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823627431893419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573595932704249,0.09072609333685107,0.1329469579040976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040997708424496,0.2923736837552997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367974680893832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083917177230396,0.0,0.11492236511324427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932223219695428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600784254561522,0.06560685550605311,0.0,0.0,0.14213772272232225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812414453032665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869704888088317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355212004454138,0.0,0.14261736326139074,0.0,0.0,0.27477871444029744,0.0,0.0,0.36659263093450734,0.06339060719016977,0.0,0.11457399687844028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661092390978578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538315204795347,0.0,0.10007326866165248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24900239890132456,0.0,0.0,0.13818237346133172,0.17584755298962107,0.1973655256535912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995417348479216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200512624547042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318454196239964,0.0,0.0,0.10339608976506943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192837624511545,0.0,0.2445807376374981,0.0,0.09755787021484162,0.0,0.1134095646268942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748135293596413,0.0,0.0,0.14913162251185536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705955284533064,0.07653149461701468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507695684272527,0.14071125058387648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iSpeakGood2,2018/03/29,"Nostalgia-driven Depression Is this a thing?  Yes, I understand the lack of understand of the disease we call depression.  And yes, I understand it doesn't always need a trigger.  However, as an 18 year-old who has let suicidal thoughts cross my mind (albeit without much real thought and seriousness), I have noticed that I never seem as 'happy' as my memories, but I think a lot of this is nostalgia.  Being 18 is obviously a point of growing up and getting my life together, but I think 18 has made me realize how much enjoyment my life has given.  Drugs have become a part of my life out of recreational purpose and as much as I think they're the culprit for my depression, I believe these drugs have just opened my brain to a different form of happiness.  I think back to my childhood and think of those memories as 'euphoric'.  I'm dumbfounded as a person.  I understand (hopefully) the causes of my sad thoughts and work endlessly to make necessary changes to feel better, but numbness and a feeling of being lost is omnipotent.  When I'm with friends, the feelings subside into a feeling of numbness with enjoyment also.  However, when alone, numbness is the goal but sadness overcomes a lot.",7.415028228652082,7.9771054357798175,7.78394495412844,69.1234050811574,63.449541284403665,11.84530698659139,41.08115737473536,11.51311941424646,5.242393366266762,947,53,155,28,13,311,118,218,0.162,0.7040000000000001,0.133,-0.7184,3,1,2,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,4,6,17,0,0,17,2,15,9,1,5,2,51,41,22,1,3,6,0,4,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,8,13,0,0,18,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,6,4,21,7,29,32,8,12,0,6,0,0,5,5,0,4,5,116,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544027890544297,0.0,0.08141419515708921,0.0847107201838588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828250463941101,0.0,0.0,0.11243669224059548,0.0,0.11470046245058133,0.0,0.09003910477964885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364912860638628,0.10395527506078137,0.0,0.0,0.10458277201855937,0.10769721426672113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26305599101381555,0.0,0.0,0.10636556738757867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361252013024407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590462369440532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865503768789106,0.0,0.05318941595523248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167486902340912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111629652178714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410349898732617,0.21572569609764555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113323934217424,0.1731035853287197,0.0,0.09633126769294964,0.06795627361619179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279500521356977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245172994239308,0.07548783467108176,0.0785190380132818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159067683780922,0.10682823692836696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024594151617917,0.0,0.0,0.08889304368568741,0.0,0.0,0.0962395455637048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587747879177855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268032893856143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135920429692063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763536088207238,0.32616576505960665,0.0,0.2424676982666148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239344087790625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813731938869782,0.0,0.07411595659635241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655597050118738
suicidewatch,XxxDarkoxxXo,2018/03/29,"i can't keep going I was engaged with the love of my life. I'd messed up before, just as she has. That's love; it's moving on as a team. I can't keep going anymore though. She's chosen somebody else over me, and after finding this out there's no way I can see the light of life anymore. The carpet ripped out under my feet and there's only an abyss. It's calling for me and my whole world is gone. I don't see any other way out but leaving on my own accord.",1.337647058823528,2.342812323529415,3.264852941176472,94.36433823529413,77.72549019607844,5.1000000000000005,19.612745098039216,3.1291,-0.5460431372549026,355,7,84,0,8,120,66,102,0.036000000000000004,0.887,0.077,0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,0,7,5,1,0,0,12,16,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,3,13,3,15,14,2,16,0,0,2,2,6,9,0,0,1,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966848366104833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782053183068171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225406636976494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470491604038956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928811350035588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742774539632423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673491587493407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389691009176407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190187946410085,0.0,0.0,0.26936490089536497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441910814475091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026619522954654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450202234625359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038934787263837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873414744429916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30270475489665144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288666335926126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ActualHumanAMA,2018/03/29,"24 hours left Not going to use a throwaway, it doesn't matter anymore. Tomorrow will likely be my last day. I spent most of today preparing and setting my affairs in order. I won't go into specific methods, but I have put a lot of effort into making sure that it's as painless as possible while still being lethal. 

I should be feeling happy, but all I feel is guilt. I hope my friends and family will eventually understand that they have no culpability in my death. What I will do tomorrow is incredibly selfish, and I hope someday they can forgive me. ",4.701509433962265,6.317652122641512,6.386933962264153,72.87115566037741,70.22641509433961,9.073584905660377,32.117924528301884,9.516144504307137,3.2993622641509432,439,20,75,10,8,151,77,106,0.133,0.648,0.219,0.8915,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,1,9,0,1,2,0,15,0,0,2,2,22,25,8,2,3,3,0,2,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,1,2,15,7,9,16,3,18,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,9,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162263517838385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406107784113546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205538498640556,0.0,0.2204842001467914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844879693298118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24782200511414346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23209610712800496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43310432491308426,0.21471481513839225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772287460842107,0.0,0.0,0.23688933260627584,0.0,0.0,0.1065180400381672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853606046768033,0.0,0.0,0.1455361648940928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457951312015243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191795372584777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411837787234205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548991371923248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666616094900464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697605657724285,0.0,0.18830720076251994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Legisl8tor,2018/03/30,"I wish somebody would listen to me I have 3 things in my life which mean the world to me and I don’t know how to carry on if I fail to deliver, but probably not one person will give a shit about me. ",2.084,2.218204066666665,4.157777777777781,91.97000000000004,75.0,7.777777777777778,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,0.5236666666666667,153,3,39,2,3,53,37,45,0.163,0.795,0.042,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,9,9,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,7,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268529778856591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725269605043748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066304734892385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711477208137951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23088302600874774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975065720288854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673575044378716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497477225170313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263615186258016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918151493941976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420401612608789,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nursingania,2018/03/30,"isn't it better to remove burdens i can't tell anyone i feel this way, i already annoy other people enough. i am very selfish. i am latching on to anything negative that happens in my life to make it seem like i feel this way because of xyz occurring. it's four am and the only thing that im scared of is that my mom may find me in this state",0.9772007722007708,2.7744522027027045,3.2031274131274152,90.92662162162165,81.02702702702703,5.3096525096525085,22.73359073359073,6.18269132825596,0.42997528957528974,269,9,58,2,7,92,51,74,0.23,0.737,0.032,-0.936,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,7,12,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,2,9,2,8,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,40,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582211062552404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361588841561572,0.0,0.1925592934243293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426421772805633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695100879411385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178107598279844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663145970416746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386868587743105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692245221611166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25275652064424314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652787439393815,0.11431893660533238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619457138292708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740540317084952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796498578712036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222380431130687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342714534381245,0.0,0.0,0.21302174889616207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452337347276225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554569672694319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307173061151114,0.0,0.3714712756375884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crazyhabib,2018/03/30,"Fresh start? Today is hopefully the beginning of my new life. I feel like I just did this a couple of years ago...but here we go again. I was hoping to have stayed in recovery longer than I actually did. Oh well.

I'm starting Intensive Outpatient for Co- occurring disorders today at noon.

I'm really not sure what made me really attempt. It's like I felt the need to prove that I would really do it. Am i really that stubborn? In that moment I was more afraid of life than I was of death. It's hard to believe and accept that i even was that person in those moments. I don't believe my ""authentic"" self would
have made the same choices I made that day.

When I admit to someone what my intention was behind cutting my arm/wrist, I become overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I have battled with thoughts of how I would end my life, for most of my life. It becomes addicting planning and obsessing over my way out of this life. It's embarrassing to admit. But those thoughts just consume me sometimes. And I have absolutely no hope. I know for certain, in those moments, that life is shit. Even though it really isn't. I just can't see past the dark clouds. I forget that the storm will pass. The sun will shine again. But really.

I have some hope right now. I'm trying to just hang onto that and move forward into the light. I can feel the possibilities and just need to stay focused on that. Treatment should help with that today. 

Wish me luck!

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suicidewatch,warpedtemptress,2018/03/30,rejected by all colleges i feel cold every time i think about it and my arms are so heavy to lift. last year i was going to shoot myself but i convinced myself i couldn’t because my grades were too important. now they don’t mean anything. i can’t stop asking myself why i wasnt good enough.  i put in everything i had. im worthless. i want to rip my arms off. i cant do anything because of my parents but i want to so badly and i wouldn’t even know afterwards. im less than fucking garbage. ,0.006057692307692264,2.267542105769234,2.0530769230769264,94.59192307692308,89.48076923076924,4.7384615384615385,21.46153846153846,6.297961479604792,0.31163846153846153,385,14,84,4,13,128,67,104,0.182,0.731,0.087,-0.8897,1,1,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,11,3,2,0,1,14,20,6,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,2,21,2,10,14,3,10,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,6,55,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355461906184421,0.0,0.1905971279936972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022847035480607,0.24856260301361355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065905874217786,0.0,0.13465859149644752,0.0,0.17177485414143598,0.0,0.18323116925846727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308615007903678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848065947352907,0.0,0.0,0.11586778732932344,0.171002044621215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404434922247784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204526416971616,0.1661866647330207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208141886175306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263808707581265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049523245387982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044999190882193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063591250862053,0.0,0.0,0.11888210265117173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24050343760598844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396694785024265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128986554516178
suicidewatch,Nadianadia123,2018/03/30,Reason to live I need a reasons to keep going and to feel better I now feel worthless and failure please help?,2.91,5.0288472727272815,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,76.27272727272728,4.4,24.63636363636364,3.1291,0.3546545454545451,88,3,16,0,2,28,17,22,0.221,0.498,0.281,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778755965815117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177278932748053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856146503838422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059499021227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792665824897571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774356000715676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296796592111976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34488636231079345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.646079468505607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PizzaInMyUrethra,2018/03/30,"Medication withdrawal after an overdose. I can’t cope. I’m begging for help, I’m so alone. Two weeks ago I took an overdose of my meds as a suicide attempt. 

After that I just gave up on my medication as it obviously wasn’t working. Three days later I saw my doctor, he suggested that there was no point restarting my meds in order to withdraw, just to ride it out. 

I hate him. I feel like I’m dying, which sounds dramatic, but it feels true. It’s been two weeks, I can just about walk to the toilet and back. I’m nauseous and dizzy, cold sweats, crying continuously. The symptoms have NOT lessened. Not even 1%. Each night I feel worse. 

I desperately want to commit suicide. I’ve just been lying on the sofa staring at the walls for days. 

I’ve searched for help online but I’m stuck and so desperate for help. Death seems like the only relief. ",1.1887653264898788,3.7515830119760487,2.915021385799829,88.32740518962078,87.1437125748503,5.336641003706872,21.72483604220131,6.868970318607317,0.7186500712859996,661,23,131,9,21,218,104,167,0.227,0.634,0.139,-0.9656,0,1,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,1,0,8,0,7,5,1,0,3,21,22,9,4,1,8,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,8,7,14,4,20,14,1,23,0,0,2,0,7,8,0,1,13,77,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133259050816769,0.0,0.0,0.15569721607632378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155949905137155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513116007143186,0.19390166544639106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601948057953516,0.0,0.0,0.15386979035795706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929197654087177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280350807532366,0.10739624641695196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484203938513046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022903976374939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688792421775065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33396692512229165,0.3028846286318844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107513137305736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433323350425688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211105543600613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685537776045334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288746629559628,0.0,0.0,0.15625110595616218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670228835622366,0.0,0.0,0.2937024023576659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866891231890987,0.0,0.2411723592936725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944250364923898,0.0,0.15319977548450314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chocolatemilk__,2018/03/30,"Not sure if I'm built for this whole existence thing. Just for transparency's sake - I have no immediate plans, just very painful feelings that have been coming to a head for a while now.
I'm not really sure what I want or need right now, I'm just going to talk.

I don't know what the fuck I did in a past life, but things have always just been rough.
I had a surreal and abusive upbringing. I have never been loved unconditionally. I grew up dirt poor. We would spend months at a time without electricity or running water because my father would drink anything he earned rather than paying the bills.
I grew up thinking that this was normal. That I deserved the abuse.
I was never able to process any of it & have spent the last 13 goddamn fucking years in a state of chronic dissociation.

I eventually moved away to college, my one blessing being that I'm academically inclined & that provided a way out.
I've since seen a number of mental health services, & never got anywhere. I then wound up getting diagnosed with Aspergers, so now mainstream mental health services won't see me bc of the AS, & autism services won't see me with ongoing mh problems.

My degree is in the toilet & I don't even know what I'd do with it anyway. I've exhausted all avenues of irl support, I'm just screaming into the void.

I don't think I want to do this anymore. I don't know if I believe that this will ever improve. If this is just going to be shit & painful until I die anyway, I don't know if I want it.",4.4272571428571394,5.4906943733333335,5.3607619047619055,82.07300000000002,70.26666666666667,7.847619047619048,29.285714285714285,8.11559375814309,1.9295714285714287,1192,45,235,16,21,391,166,300,0.196,0.746,0.058,-0.9931,0,0,1,0,1,0,41.0,1,0,0,2,15,13,3,0,15,0,28,16,2,0,7,47,57,13,1,13,17,1,2,0,0,5,9,1,0,0,19,8,2,0,7,1,5,7,14,8,0,1,10,6,26,5,31,40,2,35,1,0,3,3,5,11,3,6,15,153,45,7,0.09100172392060864,0.2156443242678088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572072429805565,0.5916019790871647,0.0,0.06188429284809512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024925723657867,0.0,0.0,0.07488666493726989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549911521698053,0.0,0.0,0.05547380625453912,0.0,0.0,0.10252778013490284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838992731428959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236483420817798,0.09444542211027444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914704472406798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060105780391863164,0.08231626923320785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460132059101234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682592547647188,0.04754464479087487,0.0,0.1034367536792652,0.0,0.07278239178499929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339402274053116,0.1934611541902991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004867026433795,0.074178550833592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642772088458311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213260878286424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834166677561609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072636707826341,0.09672043083192687,0.0,0.0674766252084744,0.21055841869770164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916236794672781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166512327173064,0.0,0.19366450070024568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687144254191467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707635974075639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829803457585861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771497500322784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503318386362204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341196187459284,0.07527756641299481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326767788588838,0.17153609566801664,0.0,0.0,0.07314373860334906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091500350924313,0.11662046039952735,0.0,0.0,0.053063837034585115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750859527060161,0.16102552362522368,0.07223293266659221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016001748984427,0.0,0.08772241445537568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129290027412376,0.0,0.0,0.05860212659615496
suicidewatch,WeareWowTeam,2018/03/30,"As soon as my mom passes, that's it for me Father passed in 2015 after battling cancer for 8 years. 

After this, it really made me have an existential crisis. 

My mother isn't in the BEST of health. 

I literally don't have a reason to go on after mom passes.

I have no friends, or family who cares.
",2.429016393442623,3.9439391147541016,5.030295081967214,80.72740983606558,75.88524590163935,7.50295081967213,18.757377049180327,8.238735603445708,0.8182826229508202,230,4,46,4,5,82,47,61,0.239,0.6729999999999999,0.087,-0.8912,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,3,8,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,12,7,1,12,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872899884828841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791124440225837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807275351221465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211503174042046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558181961952305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909897819101168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590345065677781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6412393386842046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537507659372992,0.28146671877750595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762898614872347
suicidewatch,Gamma-tron,2018/03/30,"My loneliness will kill me unless I kill it first. For years, I've been drowning.  It started slowly, the fatigue of constantly treading water started setting in a decade ago.  Five years later, I'm struggling to keep my head above water.  This year, I am in the last panicked throes of a victim, clawing frantically upward for air.

I have no one to talk to, no one who would miss me.  Years of holidays and birthdays alone and forgotten have ruined me. I've come frightfully close to closing my eyes for good.  My attachment to this world is so weak I may as well not exist.

I thought I could go it alone for so long; today I know I can't.  I just don't know where to begin.",3.172146274777856,4.9178564812030094,4.208161312371839,86.42738892686262,74.41353383458647,6.941626794258375,26.376623376623375,7.686295010490155,1.4608857142857143,524,19,104,7,11,170,87,133,0.303,0.633,0.065,-0.9863,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,3,3,4,0,11,6,2,0,0,15,22,6,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,3,1,0,2,5,10,1,4,2,1,16,2,17,16,0,24,0,3,1,0,2,7,0,1,14,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241509463006428,0.0,0.0,0.35615751090017894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811172568433964,0.0,0.18580686044578432,0.0,0.1372806925843134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625270842021107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771788679684897,0.14421573781185598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646080753771765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528288328504179,0.3804539146554155,0.0,0.1889882717642692,0.1401546544197914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521621471662583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302299505126994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434010861724329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797497972413376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819945646985524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650174421765388,0.0,0.0,0.16297972015078055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459537748534471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214177082373615,0.0,0.0,0.442896805561724
suicidewatch,Admiral_Blackwell,2018/03/30,"I’m sorry I’ve just gotten out of jail for public intox. I’m already on probation. I didn’t hurt anybody, but I’ve called a number of hotlines looking for a voluntary inpatient suicide prevention program, and no health insurance or money isn’t very appealing I guess. I seriously can’t get the help I need because I don’t have cash. Why would I even want to continue living in a world like this?
",3.1720976491862567,5.245799265822789,5.241808318264013,77.58253164556963,75.32911392405063,8.564918625678121,30.273056057866178,9.23628265651192,3.0747562386980114,318,15,57,8,7,110,61,79,0.191,0.6829999999999999,0.125,-0.7307,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,10,14,3,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,8,11,0,5,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,2,2,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291305830637462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091828642224834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269550630017416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435470608147025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791739353879354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908010723426868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805958300276717,0.0,0.0,0.17693861164985686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825934657872347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896611461531865,0.0,0.2330970449459819,0.0,0.22167468798999032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573603535119816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29550129563552874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887486340536597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178091546196261,0.1557008197894361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23819871249715555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752210337994152,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElliePetrova,2018/03/30,I need to chat with someone I’m extremely depressed and lonely. I feel like I can grab a knife and just end it already. If anyone’s online - please message me!,2.3017708333333324,4.393556468750003,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,78.0625,5.516666666666668,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.087216666666667,125,5,24,1,3,41,28,32,0.199,0.6579999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.4308,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425999766007779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26992499254228824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324918045368811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34191286547477434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519114437611698,0.27578383339853874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859744251886226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862404266898242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237510471322414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270866205644161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KtownMB,2018/03/30,"life fucking sucks I don't know why I am even writing here , probably because no one in my personal life cares. For the past two years or so , life has been a fucking trash can . I try to be myself , do the things I want to do , the things I like , but it seems like I have to fit to other people's standards. because Id rather read a book than play basketball I'm a fag. because I wear the kind of clothes I wear , I constantly get ridiculed and judged . never once was a woman ever attracted to me. im honestly debating over becoming homosexual because maybe a goddamned man would calm my loneliness , a better trade than looks or sexual feeling. hell maybe just taking a gun and blowing out my brains would be a better choice than going through the effort , because no matter how much I do , I can't get any emotional satisfaction. ive started abandoning my musical tastes , because they're not conforming to what is going to impress someone. I've played guitar since the 7th grade , but I've just started taking pictures and posting them to Instagram rather than actually playing it. 

the world we live in is a intolerant piece of shit, and I don't want to be part of it. I've spent the last how many fucking years doing what is popular , what will have society acknowledge me",6.655226480836241,6.608415056910572,7.188060394889665,74.82439024390246,65.09756097560975,10.605807200929151,35.86411149825784,10.290406445055957,3.680259930313589,1008,45,187,22,14,332,148,246,0.147,0.6579999999999999,0.195,0.8533,0,0,0,1,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,3,10,22,7,0,17,0,24,11,4,2,2,31,45,11,0,6,9,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,9,6,1,1,4,6,2,2,7,8,0,2,3,3,22,14,22,36,3,18,1,1,1,3,6,6,6,3,11,120,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.11163941100910753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779697757546307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184287413741826,0.12634752484228168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235774996973951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770996561489564,0.0,0.0,0.11664000555694612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362743457512393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868634668033296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556114539079553,0.10348275235771354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784486149259153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31728717096097225,0.11954017714021282,0.0,0.13003407546753906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357330632447686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913161062704672,0.0628721004890458,0.09325253291569184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241559586697625,0.11178163820115823,0.0,0.10101866533558393,0.0,0.0960684899485545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598521653015555,0.2298634688880689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840983030871158,0.0,0.08823352864869588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183391799429885,0.07752145159248858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238857312225962,0.10920922509320544,0.07931163086193438,0.0998910215301433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956506220638024,0.0,0.12334422105304045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144325095360376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414687527358467,0.0,0.0,0.11743154795476347,0.09463414505749587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969320627895428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194801302870449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720314575835469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520066140149031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767114351325043,0.0,0.1117536919865745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495399746856582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322960562066928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253515876834052,0.0,0.0,0.1473416958925741
suicidewatch,Flat_Mountains,2018/03/30,"Why I can't do it? My parents treat me like shit, they don't support me in anything and when I do something wrong they say that I'm a stupid fuck, I can't do nothing right blah blah blah. In school I don't talk much with other people, I have one friend or two but I don't talk much with them. My grades are worse than awful and my classmates treat me like a freak.
I have this suicidal thoughts for almost 1 year and a half, tried to kill myself 3 times in that period of time but when I was going to jump out of the window I just can not do it. 
A part of me wants to die, but the other part wants to live. Am I physically and mentally weak for killing myself or there's something else? 
I know that my situation wont get anymore better, it will get worse and worse every time.
I know that this is a subreddit for preventing suicide and try to help other peoples but I think that if you really want to help me, help me to find a way to gain that mental and physical force to commit suicide.
Love you all <3",3.0726760563380253,3.840668004694837,4.240957746478873,89.94876056338028,73.17840375586854,7.370140845070423,23.58967136150235,7.554174236665415,0.7866578403755864,787,20,179,9,15,258,118,213,0.284,0.56,0.156,-0.9919,1,0,2,0,0,5,18.0,0,2,3,2,4,16,5,0,8,1,18,4,1,0,2,31,32,16,6,4,9,1,0,5,1,2,1,1,1,0,14,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,7,8,0,3,2,1,30,8,22,28,5,15,0,0,0,2,14,5,2,4,9,119,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035633947015012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929567933055737,0.0,0.0,0.09069092829942303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746908999443228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143774130145407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206376394834803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928541072206624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072715427793162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514561496006041,0.10188454795232188,0.11515716383852,0.0,0.06263314850053271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160818336584406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24385531979177055,0.0,0.12113371336896535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076830964485722,0.0,0.0973147545293804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946607370498904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221253660892368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620295753081442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574653929555368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467908041967464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223717740943283,0.23868677107483105,0.0,0.15280724335476312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060139316052214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411613178011206,0.0,0.08764098875725779,0.0,0.11153531545732216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312584882466775,0.0,0.12387722750100595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968538621804782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616455427412765,0.12506153904225994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716034113108695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061616257846946,0.0,0.08749200680055783,0.1927876736329636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964656759023195,0.0,0.10765617489894368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950087406042869,0.08747714593526655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944462934417277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369308870130479,0.0,0.12049399750782523,0.0,0.07096966149817911
suicidewatch,Ihatemyself2345,2018/03/30,do you guys seriously think holding us against our will is going to save us? my parents are trying to do it and its awful. I should have never told anyone.,2.2727956989247318,4.475969612903229,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,78.67741935483872,5.423655913978496,23.23655913978495,6.42735559955562,0.7243462365591401,122,4,23,1,3,41,28,31,0.135,0.774,0.092,-0.128,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090043413876272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698770507427901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959672139716896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305372890848393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319034181577292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915290181125374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856206577075007,0.0,0.20293980236195525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7191021987529961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ABQRX,2018/03/30,I should be the one with cancer not my mom My mom is amazing and I love her and I can't do anything right by her. She shouldn't be the one with cancer i deserve it,-2.5220175438596506,-0.8213988157894718,0.2326315789473697,104.67508771929823,102.94736842105264,2.533333333333333,14.228070175438594,3.1291,-1.6318561403508771,127,3,33,0,6,43,24,38,0.196,0.625,0.179,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,9,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26636563138139696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921388502716045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7581932182082626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386754172654179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764256947730878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rajolev,2018/03/30,I wrote a long post but decided to delete it because It all just sums up to life fucking sucks I hate people and things are only getting worse. Do t know what more I can possibly do.,1.0444736842105264,3.21155318421053,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,82.94736842105263,5.905263157894738,22.657894736842106,7.1686216300943375,0.7707684210526313,143,5,31,2,4,47,33,38,0.307,0.693,0.0,-0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,9,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566604240602904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31190590083960523,0.1762691185615112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333096668955353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854173216142372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383041664667853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298574059810765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565955947355665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338994570388041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803495590535729,0.3231204336865417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414281548620368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438229314343475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zacrynix,2018/03/30,"I feel hopeless, please listen. My name's Luke, I'm 24 years old and my whole life I've had to struggle with great learning difficulties which have made me regret what seems like most of my life. I think I'm very far from what most people percive as 'normal' as I just never seem to truly fit within a crowd.

In school I got placed in learning support center becuse I was bullied everyday by what seemed like mostly everyone (teachers wouldn't ever help me). Being very isolated I would later fail school with terrible grades and I had to spend another 5 years at community college to make up for it, but because of my grades though I had to work through a class for mentally retarded people which destroyed my confidence.

Concerning my biggest flaws I didn't learn to tell the time and tie my shoes until I was 20, I still till this day struggle with some basic math, I struggle to mantain a healthy life and look after myself responsibly due to depression, I've always had temper issues which no matter how much I suppress it I eventually end up lashing out on myself with beating my head in as I just want to forget everything and silence the world.

This effect almost cost me my future in university with Games Art as I would pull out clumps of hair out in class and sit destressed in view of everyone which made me want to hurt myself even more when I went home. Ever since I started uni I've just been spinning in this spiral of regret and anguish with nobody really listenning to me.

My bed now has several holes in it becuse I've stabbed it with a kitchen knife to get the anger out my system. I thought about cutting myself emo style, but I don't see much point in what it could accomplish.

I'm having thoughts about suicide but right now I'm too scared to trully commit, though it's constanlty there in the background of my mind. I've never been in a loving relationship with anyone and I've haven't had a vacation since I was 4 years old cause I'm too damn poor.

I feel like haven't lived much at all and that those around me want nothing to truly do with me. I feel like nobody cares about listening to me even though for others I try be there and really listen to them and help them get stuff off their chest without interupting them.

There's many other severe issues I have to deal with but I'll leave that for any other questions or will edit this post to cover it later.

Not really sure why I'm typing this on Reddit but at least it's me getting something off my chest.

Reguarding family, my dad left me at child birth after attempting to kill my brother. My oldest brother wants nothing to do with me and my mum is a tarrow card reader who did blow and prostitution in the 80's. That's kind of the fucked family I've got.",6.370871146622148,6.316659698706101,6.615019974956772,78.71939478862322,65.69131238447319,9.420571224136905,30.02092898455668,9.023248300946321,2.3390094925764706,2191,68,416,33,31,706,273,541,0.21,0.72,0.07,-0.9981,0,0,1,0,0,5,30.0,0,0,4,6,24,29,7,5,13,0,29,11,5,6,7,87,68,30,2,11,11,4,4,4,0,4,3,4,3,1,30,29,1,1,14,2,3,2,10,19,0,0,19,11,61,10,85,42,11,70,0,6,3,2,24,37,2,10,32,272,91,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799876511081558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648133631491814,0.0,0.0,0.05297003142502786,0.08167778770673277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054464720458984366,0.0,0.0,0.0693414418348969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748295771564745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941728525087995,0.08001774943330628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062191363602161424,0.0,0.0,0.05023465521772018,0.0803044452002434,0.06708927920473097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899023489459369,0.0,0.0,0.10289541754958638,0.14091767611458744,0.0,0.14886053730816134,0.07000536489885352,0.0,0.14686150990459776,0.0,0.11815539214490052,0.11129380241294493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201098697464771,0.12208791016710872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459657863437225,0.0858775026201263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799408717753164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442030923931003,0.0,0.07813320754385765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338625699433451,0.0,0.0,0.1626004789926783,0.0,0.0,0.08617725950671777,0.08111375731155822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247762754704173,0.08463116471355195,0.0,0.16505476345189693,0.15221868696667562,0.0,0.06878110235259231,0.0,0.06541065077488155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030163338744129,0.14740881489504393,0.051994300492213534,0.07897145565175168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849800173661349,0.0,0.07864990391261714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178134277755175,0.0,0.12015204011567147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631877516418041,0.14948120822776148,0.0,0.16347157241957558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800264252044416,0.0,0.08138179123843008,0.08550331745454676,0.0736342295567112,0.0,0.07460013189493822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725818492140905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497010912485031,0.0,0.0,0.08362812138107836,0.0,0.06652034754959547,0.0,0.0,0.07798465874301752,0.15766410726715918,0.0620707771985503,0.2127330686096028,0.0,0.17599423717794874,0.0,0.128868081866389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996597316432144,0.0,0.0,0.05513319158851808,0.0,0.06220559176407705,0.0,0.0,0.2442925830400756,0.08916905187587111,0.08520249305442061,0.08839225417396909,0.07341339748654101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808206997126391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049910802627474216,0.229588952726466,0.12367696355779292,0.04542013790404086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052884354134759406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854005730270715,0.18377365572869464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220775544940503,0.0702864767261177,0.08696495038521708,0.0,0.07508624299523846,0.0,0.056707160553023814,0.0,0.0,0.1106661561405735,0.0,0.0,0.15048195646307716
suicidewatch,gsore123,2018/03/30,I cut myself with a butter knife last night when i got depressed over my hands and legs. Should i go to the doc to show it? I have sprayed it with some alcoholic perfume. Can i die from the cuts?,1.0415853658536598,2.9676930975609785,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,81.4390243902439,5.0756097560975615,20.006097560975608,5.985473137389443,-0.2951024390243906,151,4,36,1,4,47,33,41,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.897,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,6,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569907700742761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36830448005105465,0.0,0.4437972283955718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430236615571201,0.0,0.34200306408148745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485635886926368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012880447130288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GridlockCA,2018/03/30,Sat on top of a branch for some time If I dropped I might have hung myself successfully. But maybe the rope I tied wasn't strong enough and I'd fall and break my neck. Wish I had the courage to figure out.,1.3043181818181822,3.0243526136363665,1.8409090909090933,101.45636363636366,79.68181818181819,5.3090909090909095,17.81818181818182,5.985473137389443,-0.7587545454545457,161,3,41,1,4,49,38,44,0.059,0.7020000000000001,0.239,0.8019,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,5,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684721967531898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554903468895382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809742460672472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643748629475949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.52137515401213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tarzan3333,2018/03/30,What am i suppose to do? Am i not a human being? Just because i am ugly and i love a girl who has husband and children...does that mean she should avoid me? And stopped calling and talking to me. Should i just become homeless and die a horrible and painful death all alone? Am i suppose to fall in love with someone in my league? I don’t want to die! She has no feelings for me so i should just give up? Am i not a human being who has needs? Am i destined to be a loser? But why? Why can’t i make her love me? Her name is Melanie.,-1.091188405797105,0.9450286347826092,1.252173913043478,99.74028985507248,93.08695652173913,3.4144927536231884,20.71014492753623,4.604124745555138,-0.4628724637681154,403,15,96,1,15,135,64,115,0.266,0.627,0.108,-0.961,0,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,5,0,19,4,0,1,1,25,28,8,3,5,6,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,20,3,10,22,1,5,0,1,0,3,17,3,0,0,1,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050822274245211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070716767436895,0.2186903100818369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219388248311312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110134195743465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012155530744864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995255456925736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361446374021973,0.0,0.13217552253609793,0.0,0.0,0.2156947082054753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682447199976326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070028304290644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777616257048625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554811949974751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915571899669748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679346940126067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573526982976585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2737372,2018/03/30,"Why do i keep unintentionally hurting people I can't bare the feeling of guilt I get everyday I go and come back from school, I know that just by being there, I am ruining their lives.

What should I do to improve myself or should I just give up?",1.7505999999999986,3.936692860000001,3.649999999999999,86.705,80.4,6.4,22.0,7.554174236665415,0.8330000000000002,193,6,41,3,5,65,40,50,0.174,0.765,0.062,-0.5057,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,14,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,10,0,5,11,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646469840715627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964736587243569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402367846467895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981563801413447,0.33016109446559483,0.19560084988286325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36844318939992055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059158417362721,0.0,0.0,0.18914790212274935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039101362104944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386054939278277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34832038653174063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105616511652942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idahobeachhouse,2018/03/30,It's My 22nd Birthday and I Want To Die It's my birthday today and all of my friends (all three of them) are either busy or 'busy' aka I haven't talked to them and therefore don't really want to make time to see me. I feel like I've failed. I see all these post on social media of my ex-classmates throwing parties and going out and I'm just... not. Doing any of it. And I hate it. I want a re-do. On everything. And I constantly feel like dying would somehow do that. I just don't know how to keep doing this. ,-0.8746332046332057,1.179374567567567,1.5345752895752902,98.18209459459463,91.61261261261262,4.252509652509653,16.937580437580436,5.773587663045528,-0.5976311454311456,391,10,93,3,14,132,64,111,0.127,0.762,0.111,-0.3975,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,1,4,5,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,3,3,28,21,9,2,4,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,4,15,3,12,20,4,9,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,2,5,61,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370398101380701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777041589563095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41828975071823227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111225642679815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037880926342792,0.28793038519904635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569305651224374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452787478964585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989582625033664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911931998006314,0.0,0.0,0.1107495558634396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690397947851115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451547745067174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299946849431088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290982125191114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211690570526147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542321226974625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619733148699965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750733211522628,0.0,0.19101642078573905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565833294589101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315329459148265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hoodboyswag,2018/03/30,so close before doing it. i just want to be a little more sad so i can finally convince myself to do it.......,-1.214057971014494,0.7916412173913088,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,93.34782608695652,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.040959420289854886,80,2,17,1,3,30,19,23,0.132,0.718,0.151,-0.1408,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700953552091518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6051833812155071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537013236546238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258500825448191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hunter_S_Cocaine,2018/03/30,"How do I deal with loneliness? As the title says, I feel like I got nothing better to do than drink myself to sleep.",2.2324999999999977,3.783030583333337,3.84,88.905,76.5,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.4297333333333331,90,2,19,1,2,30,20,24,0.203,0.7,0.097,-0.4031,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341919612499626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895634768446464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701650366977623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910605125163962,0.2699477003491988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30221413182496104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460634647185534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625728255449602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004943815557011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781391066548245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatABigBlueSmurf,2018/03/30,"Good friend online threatening suicide. Need advice. I've been friends with this person for a few months and we've gotten extremely close, we know almost everything about each other.  Recently, they've started opening up even more, and told me about their past self harm and suicide attempts. 

Over the past couple weeks they've been getting verbally abused by a lot of their close friends, and has been self harming and thinking about suicide again.  I'm the only person that knows, but they don't actually talk to me at all when they're feeling depressed, they just come to me after the fact.

I don't know what I can do to help, if anything. ",7.355178571428574,7.7076318750000015,6.337380952380954,80.16,63.58333333333334,8.857142857142858,33.8095238095238,8.418075326091056,2.613452380952381,515,20,92,6,7,155,82,120,0.16699999999999998,0.728,0.104,-0.8462,0,0,0,0,1,3,14.0,1,0,4,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,2,25,20,8,3,2,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,12,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,1,10,4,14,15,5,16,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,3,9,57,14,0,0.0,0.17262725348780472,0.1421793645275503,0.0,0.0,0.1423735318883985,0.0,0.0,0.14589461204763132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989630921078866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550516132823195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612110835382959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548870931768394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623156856104084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094316991635133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366883767892582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376956825986893,0.0,0.07612072774156661,0.0,0.0,0.12220382523070385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765770320029322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021396780700235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386647468536695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629404499313505,0.0,0.0,0.10803256263678768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080921925490547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781687592929245,0.0,0.2544341972926566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385832134933485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039877269423076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312516597316253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781069797196839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710581994493005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335682655970076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392198344994353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168694351594648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,its-all-downhills,2018/03/30,"Ready to end this life I’ve run myself into the ground, everything that’s brought me hear I’ve done to myself. I lost my job and with it everything else will follow. The last moments will take me to a nice quiet place where I’ll do what I’ve planned and while it is selfish to family and friends it’s going to save them from much more pain and further anger. ",5.9057999999999975,5.0430395466666695,5.8825,86.28375000000004,66.86666666666667,9.1,29.416666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.670666666666666,286,8,63,3,4,90,54,75,0.152,0.708,0.139,-0.2716,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,1,7,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,11,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,3,2,7,3,8,6,2,13,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598582509635705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121256851737728,0.0,0.22490634850651206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564312911623642,0.0,0.2393823269283026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618546036286785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431410329606195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861972328460243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519860504471021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698660131088573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935806039936256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771942695962595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666755087234432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019910974292344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653024957853691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092353639320986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DogCarRar,2018/03/30,"Feeling close to the end I just can’t keep living like this. Trying to care about something. The only thing I care about, other then family, the only person is very kind to me but I am overburdening her. I am making her ill. And although she’s hurt me s lot. She doesn’t deserve that. 

I have been using heroin and coke. Injecting it. I am out of control. I don’t care if I overdose. I don’t care if I die. I just don’t want to hurt my parents. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t feel this pain. I hate myself for how I hurt people. I l don’t want to be a terrible person but I am. ",-1.5989922480620182,0.3539452635658904,1.6577131782945749,95.94222868217057,96.36434108527132,4.1069767441860465,15.693798449612405,5.82211442006289,-0.6323922480620152,445,11,105,4,18,158,72,129,0.28800000000000003,0.5670000000000001,0.145,-0.9828,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,1,0,4,0,17,3,0,4,0,21,29,10,1,4,7,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,1,2,25,6,10,27,1,4,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,3,3,76,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395293624510082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737823755816377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779883691902033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601681982731976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461198070641855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326325650775639,0.0,0.1422769224158075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389049228159554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45184336581695295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505414454077327,0.0,0.1465098064468989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873535114218812,0.0,0.1242342399967547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961191030010634,0.0,0.0,0.093913476011185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400629068695615,0.14970696235905384,0.0,0.15622260391227266,0.0,0.0,0.09753860982327556,0.2456948941281532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831212130833903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093469984501812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552111436032322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151332828107332,0.0,0.11608621977501105,0.1659684104351894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlessaCValentine,2018/03/30,"It should be the happiest time of my life In the last year, I've gotten married, changed jobs, had my son, and moved- but my depression is worse than it's ever been. I am seeing a psychiatrist who has me on meds for anxiety, as I told my husband I was afraid to let the Dr know about the depression and sucidal idolization because I'm the one working full time in the household (my husband is disabled)  so I can't afford to lose my job and the family income although he works part time and gets social security disability. There is a bridge near my house that I have thought about jumping from, but I also think about drowning or pills. Do you think it's safe to mention depression to a psychiatrist in this situation? I can't risk time off work or losing income. I also haven't told my psychiatrist that I have sexual and physical abuse in my past, or that my father had bipolar because I have a distrust of doctors and figured anxiety was the safest thing I could explain my situation as without getting into heavy doses of medication or inpatient. What are your thoughts? I'm tired of feeling this was. I want a lifetime with my family but if I am only going to give them pain dragging this out I should just do it and end my life, right? ",5.820123456790121,6.2793753744856,6.752691358024695,75.50311111111112,66.86008230452674,9.93679012345679,33.895473251028804,9.888512548439397,3.3114589300411525,988,43,185,21,15,330,140,243,0.171,0.747,0.081,-0.983,5,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,2,1,5,9,11,1,2,13,0,26,10,0,0,1,34,44,21,1,5,10,4,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,0,13,10,0,2,8,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,11,2,31,2,28,28,2,23,0,5,1,0,15,11,0,5,9,136,44,6,0.0,0.13510306799466412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823743218545813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446032270734385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901931235662246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062519551794973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104109156667003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946332508622239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167112233419234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100993866808003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314373500941076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149885674862292,0.0,0.0576553573374607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914855444999264,0.10938486100444417,0.06480403698509588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315715746192471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630793470547586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266612671752936,0.09294703054248173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660009040112394,0.16108094932136166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25513356106993706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665802785617286,0.11486996718736782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119240316226294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772674854352625,0.08672249126925224,0.12133251498780025,0.0,0.0,0.12347987216749053,0.10885144738573477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737823230650244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086456677002648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563417175976088,0.0,0.11623592483468805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757543144070727,0.14612749066707886,0.0,0.18104902532739148,0.26595968921632396,0.13105698969893506,0.0,0.2179149165217051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725593896672619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991773017964766,0.0,0.24903852387380065,0.0,0.11620301276104088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342949665876396
suicidewatch,xxHorizon,2018/03/30,"I want to kill myself everyday, but I can't I think and fantasize about killing myself everyday. There's no point to live for me anymore, my life is totally fucked. The only thing that's keeping me from doing it is my brother, I love him to death... but I want to die so bad.

I know this post isn't going to help anyone but I just wanted to get this off my chest and write it out, maybe it'll help.",2.7201568627451,3.4164951529411773,4.233823529411765,89.9405392156863,73.94117647058823,7.549019607843138,23.57843137254902,7.793537801064563,0.8935490196078435,308,8,71,4,6,103,57,85,0.336,0.585,0.079,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,1,15,16,6,4,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,15,1,11,15,1,7,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,2,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164305440872505,0.14921959787374928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781864820877351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148345839502645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972919428998223,0.11149669429345987,0.0,0.12128449118099645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860853121659985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968653373136798,0.4722079137131756,0.0,0.1172832688643672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073614149907358,0.0,0.0,0.18844287362304776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260874517554355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439667844716406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230614197628915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017392181874917,0.0,0.2043855469904475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177856666152025,0.13674301152865315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776201012765101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToBeContinued2018,2018/03/30,Tell me why I shouldn’t Kill myself and my family They’re the main reason for my depression. They don’t give a rats ass about me. ,0.562738095238096,2.6585821785714288,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,84.35714285714286,6.590476190476192,12.904761904761903,7.793537801064563,-0.2719666666666658,103,1,24,2,3,34,24,28,0.373,0.627,0.0,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401898653854909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723456107815207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378894313843552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369793603150457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40609826450710784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34522401333321523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564019071200916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ruby4751,2018/03/30,"I hate my body Hey, tomorrow i plan on committing suicide. I have ordered pills online, and plan on taking them all at once. I live in supported housing so you'd think it would be harder for me to actually do it, rather than if i was living at home, but actually i think it will be pretty easy. I tend to sleep till late in the day so the staff here will probably just think i'm napping from when i fall unconscious. I know this sounds terrible and incredibly deceptive but i just feel like i have no other choice. I just hate the way i look so much. I'm just so fat and horrible. I know to most people that may not seem like a good enough reason but to me it is. I guess I just came here today, if i'm honest, to hear people tell me not to do it, but more just to be communicating with someone, anyone. I'm just so lonely.",1.80153100775194,3.4632401220930262,3.9064186046511615,87.47889147286823,78.01162790697674,7.377364341085273,21.350387596899225,8.238735603445708,0.9744941085271321,639,17,142,12,15,219,102,172,0.159,0.723,0.117,-0.8695,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,1,2,16,9,2,0,4,0,14,4,3,1,2,35,34,16,1,4,16,0,1,2,0,4,2,2,1,0,8,5,1,0,8,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,4,22,5,18,24,5,16,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,6,8,98,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.29187126175195066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104566260394788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611224287841572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104114447557808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644500135265133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452131938145172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561511009912161,0.1068359171346704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543235363134922,0.0,0.0,0.16474212569233732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295292050283244,0.0,0.0,0.16854956541283286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500071469505415,0.0,0.0,0.17255636874329253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437348721981526,0.0,0.16869475681145746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612155101664992,0.0,0.2641042714708481,0.0,0.12558124018408573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109933748357164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926194453981274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735317001438916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214236496639835,0.16123622071790358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375851846151828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614134837716213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965431530512766,0.0,0.1267101071873943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357939598208301,0.16970338576873864,0.0,0.0,0.11244021741981604,0.0,0.1307100706078628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874697202193989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175242038674654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870290383668165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062334113015409,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneLastStan,2018/03/30,"u/blowingmybrainsout3 posting about suicide Hey guys. This post is about a user by the name of blowingmybrainsout3 who has been threatening suicide. He just posted on 5 or 6 niche gaming subreddits about killing himself tomorrow. Can't find any other accounts linked to his username to find out who it is, anyone got any advice on how to help the guy?",7.752142857142857,8.919964492063496,6.847738095238098,74.02017857142856,62.80952380952381,9.474603174603176,34.79761904761905,9.516144504307137,3.3769714285714283,285,12,46,5,4,87,51,63,0.232,0.731,0.037000000000000005,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,6,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,11,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,1,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197244423197926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671907312075686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736511092171966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591105490147721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712210308199628,0.0,0.0,0.3890404276436741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316788853432184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734709572198635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644454964332443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297772874108967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsjustjustme,2018/03/30,"stuck i used to live in a small place in wales were i lived with my dad, step mother and step brother. it was a dysfunctional family my dad was an alcoholic  and would come home from work and ww3 would start me and my step brother would hide up stairs and cry all we could hear is screaming things geting thrown and my step mother crying. i remember a time when nextdoor was banging the walls and he turned the stereo to the wall and turned it up full blast. my step brother used to wet the bed and my dad an step mother would call him peewee a couple of years later he started to live with his bampi. when my dad was in work my step mum would push me around untill my dad got home i was scared to say anything because i didnt want to see anyone fight when ever i did anything wrong i would get a beating and then about an hour later he would give me a 5er to go to the shop. a couple years later he when to jail and my step mother didn't want me so they sent me to my mother's house were i lived with my mother, her bf at the time, my two sister's, brother it was showen straght away that her bf didn't want me there. when my mum wasnt there he would slap me i stayed there until my dad got out of jail and when back to live with him as he had custody of me (my mother would tell me that my uncle threatened her)were i stayed until i was a teen an i started visting my mother(she had a new bf at this time)were everything was different i felt wanted and wanted to move in with my mother but i didn't no how to ask my dad i was to scared of what me might say.

(I'm 23 and a paranoid REC I cant live like this anymore feels like it would be easier to just end it all)
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suicidewatch,Resource1138,2018/03/30,"End of life financial considerations. I am a 50-year old male considering the possibility of voluntarily ending my life. Aside from the cost of cremation, what other things do I need to save up for to minimize financial repercussions to my remaining family?",8.848527131782943,10.987259279069765,10.306976744186047,46.695968992248076,60.86046511627906,15.965891472868213,39.91472868217054,14.06817628641468,7.508044961240309,211,11,30,11,3,74,34,43,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,9,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658529694113491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301136898572377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512557859695135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368585855684311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33519553459009865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601173696595866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221983625230514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057070396449548
suicidewatch,Buddurledgen21,2018/03/30,why so voices speak pills dont work.higher and higher doses only make it worse i cant get emotional help because most people wont talk to me because they dont like me or they feel so fake in their intentions.and everyone feels like my pity friend. and every girl ive been with has broken up with me in 0.0000000000003 seconds after agreeing (if they do) i may just end it. people wont care anyway.,2.5859810126582303,5.0201337215189925,3.347325949367093,88.65238132911396,78.87341772151899,5.468987341772152,21.26740506329114,6.6274283507984215,0.4635683544303797,320,9,61,3,8,101,58,79,0.259,0.6779999999999999,0.063,-0.9365,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,0,12,15,6,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,3,2,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,4,11,4,7,11,1,5,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,4,4,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25650546614143155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145082020264608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931546477373379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366621702386241,0.18634446138359426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772639508064383,0.20103813741425247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276057345843524,0.15030376181251098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625479857966418,0.0,0.10992089869094077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410210177747372,0.2222902186287617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557336323510544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043799002918794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160012250606605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917180131249873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910475441050069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898456450842625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531675505380008,0.0,0.21440695864504908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lafidaninfa,2018/03/30,"All I wanted was to live. I want to live. 

I feel I have never met any other person with more energy and will to live than myself. I love life, I am addicted to life. I want to do everything that is possible for a human being, I want to experience the most intense emotions a human being can feel, I want to see the marvels that nature and man have created. I am at the best point of my life. I look at myself in the mirror and I am the most beautiful I have ever been. In my professional life I have achieved things that few people have, despite being the outsider. I have excelled in a highly competitive academic field. I have matured and I am always trying to be the best possible friend, daughter, partner and lover. I have so much to offer, energy, love, my sexual force to make my life and someone else's life divine.

But I am exhausted. I am so tired of having my biggest desires crushed. I want to live, yet life doesn't allow me to. I can't go on like this, not on my own. I am like a flower in a vase, slowly withering. All my hopes and dreams have been cancelled so many times. I have lost my will to go on. I have no purpose. I see people around me with simple dreams, simple hopes, living happily their simple lives, and I envy them. I feel like an empty shell. The life force that was once in me has burned out. 

The only reason I am still breathing are my parents. They have given me so much love and I can't repay them with pain. But this makes me feel trapped, cornered. I am barely eating and drinking, only to make it through the day. I have given up all my projects, my articles, my book. I cancelled my birthday party. I am in my bed, trying to sleep so that I don't think or feel. Nothing matters. I am lost. And all I wanted was to live.",1.8691749427043547,3.7977890420168094,3.767466259230969,87.32009167303288,78.74789915966386,6.232034632034633,22.302775655716832,7.229369725052465,0.8167131652661066,1356,41,276,17,33,458,163,357,0.107,0.693,0.199,0.9892,2,1,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,4,6,9,18,0,0,16,0,45,20,2,5,6,50,76,19,0,10,4,2,5,3,3,2,12,0,1,5,10,16,2,0,7,4,0,2,7,4,0,0,10,8,62,14,38,60,13,26,1,2,3,4,18,18,0,5,9,209,72,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512675463829993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649749436323924,0.0,0.0,0.05310208634175325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951431087198792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163895745191181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035989080911103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649589012303486,0.0,0.07990286954684472,0.06523197401167563,0.08783777603436235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063449277642284,0.0,0.0,0.0701798891040191,0.07638442735307982,0.0,0.0,0.19741659156532276,0.05578562959131867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033010496289255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875769879555273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250358905631291,0.0,0.15511674679567367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412433251606001,0.1144486274692889,0.0,0.4826680211969466,0.0,0.06557372030322904,0.0,0.170483167803804,0.0,0.21143068858039066,0.0,0.15637176870044506,0.07916833242752885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480639713529067,0.0,0.06022579028852097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492693332658347,0.0,0.0,0.08316049587417194,0.0,0.11877792058921455,0.08309046257311747,0.0,0.08670677848846631,0.0,0.0,0.10827189438948158,0.06818287567681296,0.0,0.0,0.07381780056451799,0.17606354375633435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028681727505492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445104076490222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781437593672792,0.0,0.06616317147464597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236067104228904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187777593356525,0.05003523085051572,0.0,0.0,0.04553337084665415,0.08974993964824457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603239091396753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224056598569289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw-right-now,2018/03/30,"How on earth do upvotes work here? I came here with my old throw away account which I've never thrown away, but looking at the posts, how are they upvoted?  
I don't get it.

I don't know.  I just wanted to talk to someone, and I reckon /r/CasualConversation isn't the right place for all that  ",0.6752142857142864,2.9927829499999987,2.5028571428571422,92.38500000000002,86.16666666666666,4.761904761904762,18.57142857142857,6.18269132825596,-0.2793571428571431,227,6,51,2,7,75,46,60,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,2,12,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,8,9,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253156158802723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197445812635427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605966562778458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364002621437228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23476176554086495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561553613011694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933534103569728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920829064943138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677432263059273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387445171411118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23687207127099685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470143693705066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489297754905868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035245479525084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vida_antigua,2018/03/30,"No matter what I do, I can’t change genetics. It just fucks with my head. I’m a 15-year old male, and I feel that I am so incredibly lucky. I was born into a family of doctors, and have never wanted for anything or ever had to go without. I’m lucky to be healthy, and intelligent. I’m a pretty good writer and I will probably cruise into university. I’m quiet but I have a large circle of friends, and I’m generally well-liked.

It just shits me, though, because all of this above is all for naught. It means nothing to those that matter. Because I simply have an unattractive face.

Let me start at the beginning.

I once believed I was bisexual, but I grew out of that. (Not to demean actual bisexuals, of course, but for me, it was a phase—a phase probably engendered by attending an all-boys school, but I digress...) What was left behind was a residual tendency to scrutinise men’s bodies, not just women’s, in terms of their attractiveness. I began to notice that those I gravitated towards were naturally more attractive, with thick, long hair and strong, defined facial structure—cheekbones, jawline and chin, in short.

Even though I don’t feel a sexual attraction towards men any longer, I still feel really strongly that one’s appearance is the determining factor in the “dating market” (such a horrible, demeaning term, but what else is there to use?). And although there is a certain nobility to the intellectual love—two loves who love one another for their hearts and minds purely, who can look beyond the physical—I’d be lying if I said that when I fantasise about the future that I wouldn’t have a pretty wife. And girls want the same thing. At best, I will always be second-best.

Now, we arrive at the present.

I am blessed to be tall, fit, well-endowed, and so on, and I’ve tried to accentuate what I have by exercising frequently, dressing well, and taking care of my skin. It doesn’t matter though. I have a weak chin, minimal jawline, and my cheekbones are buried beneath a layer of fat (which shits me to no end, considering I dedicate so much time to achieving a low body fat percentage). I can never be attractive. I am only as strong as my genes’ weakest link.

I know you think I’m pathetic for focusing on such a small part of my appearance. Don’t worry, you’re right—I am. I’d be lying to myself if I said I weren’t a vain person. All I want is just to love and to be loved, and it’s plain to me that my appearance will make that impossible. Girls just don’t want guys who look like me. And it’s become like a cycle of negative thoughts. I can hardly talk to girls anymore. The last time I did, I could tell she liked me but I felt my nerves crawling under my skin and just wanted to escape. And eventually I did, and I punched my skull and my thigh in the bathroom until I achieved catharsis and became able to cry again.

And there’s no end to this. Psychiatrists can tell you you look fine, or teach you coping methods. I just want to look handsome. I know I would be happy if I was. I want to love myself like I used to but I can’t unknow what I’ve now recognised.

Surgery is my only option. But it’s expensive, painful, with a long recovery time. And I can’t help but think that by doing that I’d be making it harder for other people like me (by shifting the window of what women expect just slightly, like how in South Korea nose jobs have become so common they are 16th birthday gifts)—and that wouldn’t be fair at all, especially on those who can’t afford surgery.

What can I do? As far as I see it, I can only suicide. But I don’t want to. I don’t even know why I’m typing this. I’ve been very up-and-down recently. Thinking about girls a lot. I haven’t felt this emotional in a long time. These thoughts have just been kicking around in my brain. I’m either mentally broken or physically broken. Fuck me.

Anyway. So, thanks for reading this wall of crap. ",3.2775473237597907,5.100710849869454,4.636559236292431,83.13841587793735,74.31331592689295,7.7117819843342055,25.54577349869452,8.472884824447931,1.7446475848563976,3045,104,599,56,64,1010,341,766,0.115,0.688,0.196,0.9959,4,0,1,0,0,1,117.0,1,4,3,6,37,40,5,0,32,0,71,29,18,5,9,117,129,56,1,16,29,1,10,6,1,6,6,3,1,11,45,32,2,0,15,3,1,7,23,9,1,2,20,19,83,31,82,91,13,72,1,1,5,7,37,33,5,14,38,408,128,9,0.06596412189751706,0.0,0.0643714675329966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054887433694364,0.0,0.0,0.04485786489643556,0.06916913332728755,0.0,0.0,0.06541868383403075,0.0,0.0,0.05428285181421593,0.0587220536947645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042223290376517,0.14570438019591336,0.0,0.07431897655698089,0.13845055253706415,0.0,0.0,0.1465425377626747,0.0,0.0736377756825384,0.0,0.0,0.06725481855278667,0.0,0.069781294437144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526669837857169,0.0,0.07245849046788395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751707390128224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510455951412865,0.07420075860662875,0.11684926562504525,0.0,0.0,0.08713736078171945,0.0596683247735538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218510346847046,0.0,0.10006032609444544,0.0,0.12667180315461027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096371694694242,0.12196553552511047,0.0,0.0,0.037488930618144616,0.0553275758010717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531485154301304,0.0,0.07022003435776948,0.05909089654619953,0.0,0.06769821971648067,0.0,0.0,0.07816780205342162,0.044214360443892514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545921255230139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875646885216222,0.05376956346054573,0.0,0.0,0.07167021145006808,0.06745278384620466,0.0,0.19336042789577293,0.0,0.0,0.17512851632832427,0.2215729956211572,0.0,0.0,0.05608033753794712,0.3572111725426554,0.0,0.08806312717278744,0.0,0.0,0.07185426679137384,0.0,0.0,0.06647631994564783,0.0,0.06660495885911139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849121952381806,0.0,0.10175119473297653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329435402287331,0.07510058998757932,0.06921824957177987,0.07024963698480978,0.08939799232530078,0.1505060614807085,0.07019047651535601,0.0,0.0,0.07143271585825832,0.0,0.04573121646621302,0.05759732688612014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421845299933685,0.1422409604122834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598197272571991,0.0,0.04225830559542528,0.0,0.06513161240283716,0.0,0.0,0.056332999678640874,0.12549397111291788,0.0,0.0,0.06675921301668011,0.052564864748668734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542244639579676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668974499453472,0.0,0.05267903295668707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215404294566508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495968103306724,0.05301946250469639,0.11531110004958893,0.060730900883956364,0.0,0.0,0.04382363150439245,0.12680143739227853,0.1944282445385112,0.104736289045423,0.15385683979143422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447853087697322,0.0,0.06443736213208273,0.0,0.0,0.11394364404454975,0.0,0.05442730888715807,0.31125878533297496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792900267530706,0.0,0.059522359949685286,0.0,0.0,0.06358705957402716,0.0,0.0,0.06698976776160324,0.0,0.046859019592879886,0.0,0.0,0.042478731783311456
suicidewatch,Dolathrowaway,2018/03/30,"Can't help but feel like it's a good time to kill myself. Basically that. As things are, I don't think I can go much longer. I don't have any friends and seeing love stories or  reading anything like that on Reddit makes me feel so lonely. That happens all of the time, love is everywhere... I've been single for 9+ years now. I can be fake and talk to people sometimes, but I want to make friends and date me because of who I am. Like really smile, instead of smiling till everyone looks away. I live in a town where you can't really go out and meet people on top of that. Socailizing is a skill and i cant really just go out and get better at it. Im so withdrawn now, that i just cant talk to people. I cant articulate myself to be comprehensable to other people and i just dont click. I usually get ignored or people are short and ignore me right after that or something. It's so hard to just stay afloat, that moving somewhere is unrealistic and impractical. I want to go to school, but that's also impractical, cause I'd have to work full time and go to school full time. Not to mention that I dropped out if HS (err, GED, but same thing academically) I'm so far behind the learning curve for my age group I'd have to go full time for quite a while, taking HS level classes.
I feel like I've missed my chance to live my life and I'm alone... I just feel like it's a good time to disappear. Had I known things would turn out this way, I'd've done it a long time ago. I don't think I'm a pessimist, more of a realist. It just seems so impractical to go on. Like the long road ahead of me isnt really worth the payoff.",2.0107725947521864,3.4005029125364463,3.842893586005832,89.32952988338194,76.72594752186589,6.999125364431487,21.87099125364432,7.7094869923839395,0.6908384839650146,1261,33,288,18,28,426,161,343,0.109,0.7240000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9693,0,4,1,0,0,1,42.0,0,1,0,6,16,19,1,0,12,0,27,3,0,3,1,49,58,28,1,4,15,0,5,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,21,15,0,2,9,1,1,9,11,6,0,0,3,8,28,13,40,52,8,53,0,2,3,2,12,21,0,5,26,173,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803053951730632,0.0,0.0,0.09116932544029004,0.0,0.07039508365102394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986131356792549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243864194860991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270417435886404,0.0,0.0,0.05366038389031263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785264351747112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042787895276996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900820854967749,0.10316687637481534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411347947099156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803619112284666,0.1886593142908788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601873596932315,0.0,0.09198084875231152,0.0,0.35019402848709696,0.14766558201677996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784190085378356,0.0,0.07885481610255972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900257849649555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950841622521836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738872745540204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217600584749621,0.2580329944953946,0.0,0.15545873863804074,0.1558020807100934,0.07392042955948074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588954360542273,0.0,0.11751728446355933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935586684761324,0.06470990324457103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051338594744599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362744828267013,0.08805072573747216,0.0,0.2255691560833052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517449539273376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817585358401533,0.07014604593063642,0.08013638771280468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776741161794322,0.08706085930062889,0.0,0.0,0.09382496774553356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618527703063329,0.14150538272492288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754434915633785,0.11280817194676612,0.0,0.0,0.3593043709732979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574799443288004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694919885691672,0.0,0.1038410978353841,0.0698716594031311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408463480365903,0.0,0.0,0.06253178727545364,0.0,0.0,0.0566864403626724
suicidewatch,Mrjohnnysi,2018/03/30,"My time is almost up I'm 16 when i was 13 i had light anxiety untill i was 15. Than it escalated extremly quick and i also developed a depression wich developed faster than my anxiety. Last year in 2017 in my school even though i had friends none of them understood me wich made feel so loonely, i had no strenght to study or do school work but people said i was a lazy kid wich made feel even worse as they were judging me like i wanted to be in that condition. My ""friends"" stopped being with me because they thought of me as a bad influence and stopped hanging out with me because i wasn't going to any class practically. Those situatons made me develop suicidal thoughts wich are becoming more and more frequent. It reached a point where it was so bad that i quit school up to now i havent returned to school. There are days that im with anxiety but it switches to depression vice-versa or it attacks me at the same time. Today i'm with depression i almost attempted suicide but my parents came and i hided the knife quickly before they saw it. 
I apologize for my english it's not my birth language",4.3953440366972485,5.7628308623853215,5.258612385321103,81.62856077981655,70.65137614678899,9.119724770642202,32.89105504587156,9.516144504307137,3.0971366972477066,880,42,172,20,16,287,125,218,0.237,0.726,0.037000000000000005,-0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,4,3,12,9,1,0,6,0,16,0,0,4,0,31,31,17,2,1,6,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,2,5,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,18,5,32,3,25,11,4,29,0,3,1,0,10,9,0,4,18,117,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591125155977884,0.0,0.0,0.09020829125023233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670971506656289,0.0,0.25888130701221723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832937420660556,0.0,0.0,0.18837111221559436,0.13752697738306294,0.12458173738967668,0.09598680302417002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290162561455052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274841989989089,0.0,0.2914704420611898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901026013275834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407288512866318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743021971624673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410838305629052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184629034963243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194926913785596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510970916426012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202099720736361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525406684369894,0.0,0.0,0.07820320010481062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663502770308632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997957365274495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730121450127628,0.0,0.0,0.4566494834652225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861624313536773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467757254181003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082809576332384,0.17910551267548144,0.13155234169850732,0.0,0.10692378511576853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653396452879948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212172073964374,0.0,0.11495560463452513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264125073740851
suicidewatch,Shiki_Ryougi_5,2018/03/30,"All kill me. I'm surrounded by suffering people. I always try to help them. But no one really help me, really care about me or understand how is hard for me live in this way. Will be too late when someone will finally see how much all this make hurts?

And... why I'm so wrong? I don't live good with anyone: all person are too distant from me and I'm too weak and emphatic for not absorb all them problems. All world make me hurts. All kill me.",0.7301086956521701,2.9048057065217416,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,84.32608695652175,6.723478260869566,17.895652173913042,7.908726449838941,0.5265008695652171,343,8,77,7,10,114,60,92,0.3,0.623,0.077,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,0,8,10,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,6,19,14,9,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,0,2,11,2,8,11,7,7,0,3,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547675278041847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222487198392874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825596777537622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152323223221654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664333026703075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566178480176866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23437647383761495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743290366256038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868581189868741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972215319352522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087650736432772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340748361681254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852386566238466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847274278656025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120859775023887,0.15265920667530564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729351411328325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400759744962573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932088493260028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813715567406802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870151059290718,0.0,0.0,0.18200943471855865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877591089566846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577614229793475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115466197288775,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PsyGuy71,2018/03/30,"I need help desperately I am a 46 soon to be 47 year old man.  My father died 10 years ago of cancer and the pain I feel from that still runs deep.  My mother who has been recently diagnosed with dementia has been living with me wife and I since he died.  

I’ve not been able to work in those 10 years because of my need to not be away from home for more than a few hours at a time due to my mother’s health.  My wife’s job has been our soul source of income for she and I this whole time, and now she is leaving me.

My wife of 25 years is leaving me right now, when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable state, right when I need her the most.  Please understand that I am not trying to vilify her.  I am not blameless.  I have placed too much stress on her and on our relationship and she finally can’t take it anymore.

Yesterday, my mother’s doctor decided that she is not likely to be able to stay home any more.  My mother is being placed in a skilled nursing facility and when my wife is finally gone, I am going home alone.

Alone.  Unemployed.  No income.  No way out of this hell that I find myself in.  We live 45 minutes from the nearest town of note.  I haven’t had much of any contact with any friends in so long that I can no longer reasonably call them friends.  I am alone in the world.  And I don’t think that I can handle it.  All of this at once.  It is too much.  My world has ended.  

Please someone help me.  I don’t know what to do.  I am lost. 

- Alex

UPDATE
I’ve spoken to my primary care doctor and he’s convinced to check myself into the ER.  I want to thank everyone here for helping me take this step forward and not take my life.  The pain hasn’t ended but I am going to get help.  Thank you all.",1.6128295444334595,3.1819213064066862,3.224501752178992,92.57089585766916,78.27576601671309,6.526408482343428,20.772845718393388,7.359569317364363,0.4007824782100817,1315,33,304,17,31,435,168,359,0.098,0.8270000000000001,0.075,-0.5944,5,3,0,0,0,1,35.0,3,1,1,3,11,12,1,1,10,0,36,8,0,1,2,39,55,16,2,4,7,9,1,1,2,0,8,0,3,1,16,17,0,0,7,0,1,6,14,5,1,0,7,1,53,7,43,44,11,56,2,1,0,0,34,23,1,2,27,201,69,5,0.1728849958277654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662605875878564,0.0,0.0,0.2685850744362896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635158846299984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857277301384802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121557230311892,0.0,0.0,0.052694544398044836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826745522073794,0.0,0.08813388771368838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773731578230465,0.17942733064849758,0.0,0.0,0.17695511899424646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312479131798915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259951116858055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043707924251709,0.0,0.0,0.18938706237748246,0.07900687705539831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357051891675684,0.0,0.0451626373774745,0.0,0.0982545272652114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188433304901958,0.0,0.0,0.23176233688808945,0.0,0.2601266204942844,0.0,0.08512844792996946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857808408832879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750653618684872,0.0,0.0,0.1830602479588496,0.0,0.0,0.061056892684949,0.04223143810149763,0.0,0.1526606187158711,0.07649889046701294,0.0,0.0,0.09436219779549862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063554650397235,0.19228805068269028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070686036732363,0.09205843910034693,0.0,0.0,0.1839618248592642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062802394437566,0.1897758090290144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887728483316867,0.08535153818930759,0.0928068925577508,0.0,0.14764284180934314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150612754648956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324244796592437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921362012358749,0.06903309049635338,0.0,0.09901958930163864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498200158891654,0.0,0.0,0.15916927632647584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538886226813119,0.0,0.0,0.1008106313714778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868878184893854,0.0,0.0,0.08998968888677637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050986024917501635,0.06861403127695569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650996188128047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293116800648789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226645381116791
suicidewatch,josh31867,2018/03/30,I don't want anyone to try to help me I just want to die I just want to die why do people give a shit if I would or not? It's not their fuckin life I should be the one who decides when I die,-1.0241489361702136,-0.17890453191489186,1.545691489361701,104.90875,83.68085106382979,4.7,13.877659574468085,3.1291,-1.6957191489361705,145,1,44,0,4,50,32,47,0.3670000000000001,0.581,0.052000000000000005,-0.9356,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,12,9,3,3,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606001121376688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7151259371099834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203334362066231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395207422309387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223231782485215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563955026925438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923368699753107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357669127144249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594008622088731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064200110079119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725372220494165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316063808135342,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hf2490,2018/03/30,Im so tired of the hurt I want to kill myself. But I cant. Every time I get close the thought of my daughter suffering brings me back. But its getting harder. Things keep going wrong and I keep suffering. I dont want to hurt anymore Im so tired my body  is so heavy and the weight on my chest just wont lift.,-1.4757352941176478,0.5140723088235326,0.7708235294117642,101.64770588235297,97.97058823529413,3.896470588235295,15.623529411764707,5.6839178017228535,-0.8617164705882354,239,6,59,2,10,79,44,68,0.349,0.617,0.033,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,3,0,4,5,2,0,0,11,13,7,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,1,10,0,5,11,0,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896568565084287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876093906209086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004479776316504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149524312805806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204351229643415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856354533134026,0.0,0.1025583484592056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863676975690757,0.0,0.3898508653124721,0.0,0.0,0.32079843737661085,0.19964986161140147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988816956010948,0.0,0.0,0.14326336669424306,0.10522641702484914,0.41481947862751695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287741768578228,0.0,0.0,0.21974903206922725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730231801368064,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDankestJ,2018/03/30,"Anger and sadness are consuming me. I held a knife to my throat about an hour ago. I have been battling depression for years now. My father doesn't seem to care about me at all. My step dad is a fucking arrogant cunt that does everything in his power to make me feel like a runt. I sit there and wonder in my mind what it will be like without him. Sometimes I plan in my mind how to kill him however I know that I would never kill anyone. Sometimes I get extremely angry for no reason. At this point I want to conquer the world and destroy everything, kill everyone in my path. I'm sick of everything. I want something to believe in. I want people to believe in me so I can chase my ambitions. But what is the point. My heart and mind are crumbling. I think often of suicide but then I remember how it will affect all those I care about.... It's an everyday struggle. Sometimes I think of disappearing as I could see it would make everything better but my demons always follow me.",2.3453147042864866,4.608717128865983,3.6591155724362463,87.01461475854586,78.74226804123711,6.97080846446012,25.1589799240369,8.032893268588372,1.6053443298969072,769,29,152,14,19,251,110,194,0.203,0.743,0.054000000000000006,-0.9795,2,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,9,16,8,1,7,0,14,4,2,6,3,35,33,12,4,6,4,2,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,8,0,0,3,4,11,0,0,2,2,33,5,25,25,2,22,1,2,1,1,5,11,2,3,9,107,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619503622901192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029602291763963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587860601289294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445262078665465,0.0,0.09597572834962266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128353353812194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866431322222006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346676052984336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496520510266848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369400564333818,0.3901174527058585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487017634723365,0.07752558457844398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032353536751724,0.05669639818485084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128594856245976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686878935691126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601786771111065,0.0,0.05963888843604151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603324205842844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487378283473176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287180226931425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369609939013678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523301222423018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516997595917869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157501472673112,0.0,0.0,0.12293022124194215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647513488129785,0.09879109854912232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354278537685357,0.3219824917151366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134470197965374,0.0,0.11870154381240693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390684500514188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920209362281744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460788931276346,0.11768360294092645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541767512985865,0.0,0.0,0.0698823078516789
suicidewatch,stored___data,2018/03/30,"Is suicide really that cruel and selfish? Just the thought of my mother waking up, awaiting a normal day and then finding my corpse breaks me. I need to do it, I can't bear myself anymore, really, but it sucks. The image of my lifeless body will forever traumatize her, but I can commit suicide at home only. What the fuck do I do?? I'm stuck",2.661078431372548,4.589147264705887,4.621176470588235,82.11696078431375,76.35294117647058,6.886274509803924,26.03921568627451,7.793537801064563,1.7091980392156865,266,10,49,4,6,91,52,68,0.373,0.595,0.033,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,4,0,7,3,2,0,1,10,13,5,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,0,5,10,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,2,36,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606618989903461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919506625430814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695069644233527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022661714348784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429869132036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636451424622751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488897529864674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575226972399968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989801840429375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33675792721735737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749981122140595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866179503889615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vz2nm,2018/03/30,"Idk what to do anymore I plan on ending it when i turn 20 in 4 years. I spend all my time alone because i hate myself, I cant talk to people, i feel embarrassed whenever anyone looks at me because i feel  so fucking ugly. And the thought of having to get a job and live on my own gives me anxiety and makes me want to have a mental breakdown.  The only reason im still alive is because i know how sad my mother would be. I tried to kill myself once but she came in and stopped me. I want to hope i could find a girlfriend that understands me and could save me but i doubt it. The more time i sit here the more i wonder if i should just do it now. It would probably be best if i did.
I dont know what to do anymore",1.1455769230769235,2.426141891025644,3.1592307692307706,93.78576923076923,78.80769230769229,6.082051282051282,21.615384615384613,6.67199483983844,0.2527461538461537,549,15,131,5,13,186,93,156,0.136,0.746,0.118,0.3103,1,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,3,2,7,0,16,1,0,3,1,34,34,12,1,10,5,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,9,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,3,3,29,3,13,24,5,15,0,1,1,1,5,5,1,5,8,93,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261570997928733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127264449069552,0.0,0.29227383749725944,0.10303429191711913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694793740865629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546403562485522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853527268928964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23530252457402545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269938115972655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051310906687313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901459223813518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468012688749822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136227653252589,0.07698709225410064,0.1413566857646696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454829081331711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635711840242552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916907205161598,0.0,0.1462274546882388,0.0,0.16302687019791345,0.0,0.1619653012520419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011748005784946,0.0,0.12374138762913894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836084514517013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849954167912344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692864622919056,0.0,0.11207038921573374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215765089303842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588739978874637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150584917252596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176781785839459,0.12319567673161022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843865437283956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698369384116145,0.17184818753435022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000446148598614,0.16028031444673976,0.0,0.1534021235814613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382801501098133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598005990939456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935403580598785,0.0,0.0,0.0948920187833766
suicidewatch,Tibi435,2018/03/30,"I want to kill myself Pls excuse my english I’m not a native speaker
So i got my exam results back today and they’re terrible they were litterally the only thing that was keeping me from ending it all. Everybody said that I was smart that I would probably become a doctor or something and I was doing good. But lately I got stuck in a depression(2 years now) and I haven’t found a reason to continue those exams were my only hope in doing something worth in my life. My parents are probably going to yell at me again and then they’re going to take my only exit from this pain away (my games). I really just want to end it all, I’m just really tired of living like this. Asking for help won’t work because I scared of people even my own family.",2.3349763481551555,4.391317317880799,4.401859035004733,82.71399006622521,77.80794701986757,6.963292336802273,20.719489120151373,7.957251820313856,1.0944641438032168,589,15,111,10,14,202,96,151,0.126,0.741,0.133,-0.6083,1,0,2,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,1,1,5,0,11,4,0,2,2,19,26,8,1,4,5,1,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,4,0,1,2,1,1,2,3,4,0,0,10,3,21,4,15,14,3,18,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,11,79,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608801738965393,0.0,0.13676752335798348,0.11193411246538708,0.0,0.08873793691805494,0.16077029487580818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899675446497426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578630905303019,0.0,0.0,0.09614741278704292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723015612936315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960966049757191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654612283296853,0.12209695637621484,0.2328507714551841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757230025277223,0.0,0.0,0.14458355617373753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938903631938614,0.16105130315751012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420896018455058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028201828743866,0.07111800155062135,0.0,0.1285407105064831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33213694540019995,0.15489642235427842,0.0,0.1616379228832645,0.0,0.0,0.10091969982531376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138975110858384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651135243548672,0.14966989438979475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384701181517798,0.0,0.14574066277748873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413333119439496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945029670405716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671003919053824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731095395927226,0.13798305291353322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717215592056436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597647404550746,0.0,0.0,0.10340853703106273,0.0,0.0,0.09374211297657192
suicidewatch,GaryMcbeary,2018/03/30,"My rant. I don't know if this is appropriate to post it here, but I'd like to get it off my chest.

I guess this started when I was 13 or 14 I think, it was back in middle school. Back then I wasn't the happiest person in the world but I was going through just fine. I wasn't really the popular kid or anything, I had a couple bullies but it wasnt a common occurrence, hell, I even became friends with one of them, I forgave him for what he said and bygones became bygones. But there was this girl, the prettiest and most kind girl I've ever met. I'll call her Jenny. This Jenny, I thought she was the one, but she was out of my league, like way out. She was kind and she kinda looked out for the weirdos. I'd had gotten attached to her, probably not in a good way. I wasn't stalking her or anything, but I kept texting her through Facebook and stuff like alot. She was known for going out with ever popular douchebag, I'll admit, I kinda got jealous, I wanted to be her boyfriend, but how could I do that if your ugly and not on the football team? I think somewhere around 2014 is when my grandmother had passed away. This threw me in the dumps, the first time I actually started to feel depressed. Depressed to the point to where I wanted to die. I really didn't think anyone cared about me or my problems. This is about the same time I started to cut and cry myself to sleep, I know pretty pathetic for a 14 year old boy. The more I did it, the better I felt. I told Jenny how I felt about her, how much I like her. I should've been ready to take no for an answer, but I wasn't. It hit me really hard, just kinda moped around for a couple years. I think was either August 2016 or 2017, I forget, but I was ready to kill myself. It's not that I was afraid to die, I was afraid of what was on the other side, like if was heaven or hell, or eternal darkness or spending the rest of time as a ghost. Obviously I didn't, so I told my school consular the next day. She informed my family,I was set up for counseling, and sent to my local hospital, awaiting transfer to a youth ""help"" facility. I spent a week in a tiny ass ER room with my  parent eating nasty hospital food. I was only let out of the hospital to get fresh air once, with supervision. I was transferred to a facility, I stayed for two weeks and got out shortly after the 9/11 anniversary. I was put on 100mg of Zoloft the first day, that made things worse, but that was the only way I  could get out of there. I made a couple friends there, I really wish I got their social media info. And of course there was a girl, cait was her name. God, she was pretty. I know I didn't have a chance, but as long as she had a smile, I was happy, but she left before I could say goodbye. Fast forward to 2018, I'm currently 17 years old, I have a job I like to work(sometimes). But I still have depression, the occasional suicide thought and I still cut. But I'm too depressed to try anything, so I guess I'm not gonna die soon...


Sorry if it didn't make sense, I'm not good at explaining things. To anyone going through depression, YOU DO MATTER. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE, IT IS UP TO YOU TO FIND IT. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.",2.4876051591912614,3.7868906480362563,3.9200151057401813,89.63290669300491,75.29909365558912,6.965419474785035,23.304787357657446,7.539968504222095,0.8341435277713223,2467,70,546,31,52,816,277,662,0.189,0.667,0.14300000000000002,-0.9897,3,0,0,0,1,2,96.0,0,6,2,4,29,34,7,2,39,0,57,6,3,6,3,104,109,47,6,11,34,1,4,6,2,1,1,2,1,6,27,23,2,1,19,1,3,8,17,15,1,5,56,7,94,19,75,45,7,82,3,5,1,1,51,33,3,19,43,370,121,7,0.0,0.0,0.0655468886284446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089759265607374,0.0,0.16582216525405066,0.1195886333208502,0.0,0.0,0.06310713406924724,0.1032970528213202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715555251425356,0.0,0.0,0.05940519024812432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858667583818122,0.0,0.06848288955267416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608860440611635,0.2229624173691112,0.0737815803632108,0.08663641256746887,0.0,0.28926119064836725,0.0,0.20913128399798986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873027185091392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436424320766201,0.12151573324231545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033962474897627194,0.0,0.12898482653799115,0.0,0.061390906218315014,0.11426719590839865,0.08122056774421824,0.0,0.10378862582557942,0.0,0.10527850254864096,0.0,0.11452043215112735,0.11267571140135076,0.16116265570468336,0.0,0.14798762578202596,0.0,0.0,0.07150225011065557,0.060169894571430724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502171335938807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066654495839667,0.0,0.0743121314976616,0.13989157311589948,0.11074235876044708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297890739381746,0.13736893937300307,0.0,0.1968911835967679,0.0,0.0,0.05944211928757227,0.05640472799383583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711315373797707,0.04483557863667165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937666775976325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143459450177224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409643455281384,0.0715323932807911,0.09103039702410608,0.10216953181133097,0.0,0.0,0.0745828089857956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058649052373482315,0.0,0.0,0.06349606126800507,0.0,0.06432897544957787,0.13666927798593428,0.07241913807361751,0.06427130262665637,0.0,0.0675230200373423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211976402869952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389274365900688,0.053415186403771936,0.0,0.1359564685482396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721713319215315,0.06846995425411476,0.0,0.0,0.06643148743893854,0.07518977630364677,0.14262689507638665,0.07159281698246693,0.10728190108439456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768920054600367,0.07347157363823037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050502446622088665,0.0,0.05870833866494876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892476994419918,0.17215577052401268,0.0,0.1066487705892036,0.11749969585551386,0.0,0.0,0.1283649989170788,0.0,0.04560308718479025,0.0,0.06561398646096332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923559038943549,0.15994598380710098,0.10775723855457653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724060366408632,0.0,0.0,0.048899558839496614,0.0,0.06845056706224414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297631765122197
suicidewatch,throwaaway332,2018/03/30,"Not sure what will keep me going anymore Hi reddit. Sorry for the wall of text. Zero formatting energy tonight. I've been feeling incredibly hopeless lately - a lot of things have been getting to me and tonight they all kind of came to a head. A few months back, my best friend died in a car crash. I've become kind of numb since then. I shut myself off from everyone I knew. I finally started to feel better this past month; grew closer with an incredible friend who got me to talk about the accident and feel better for the first time in a while. We talked every day, on the phone for up to 10 hours. The friendship meant so much to me and helped me start to appreciate life a bit more. I felt really understood and alive. And I think I just lost it all.
This friend is male and I'm female - he'd been dropping what I thought were hints that maybe he was interested in more than just being friends - exclusively listening to my favorite songs, texting and calling me from the moment he woke up, falling asleep on the phone with me, calling me beautiful - I started to consider that maybe I could see myself falling for him as more than a friend. I let the feelings develop. Time went on, we got closer, and then he went MIA for two days. I was confused but didn't think too much of it. He comes back and explains how he has always had a crush on one of his childhood friends and in the time we weren't talking, they hooked up and he was beginning a relationship with her. I feel stupid for assuming he could have been interested in me, but the part that breaks my heart is that I know we won't have these conversations anymore when things get more serious with her. It was the last part of my life that I really valued, but I got too attached and now I don't think we'll be able to be the same as before. I really feel alone. I don't have anything to look forward to. I don't have a good job, I spend all my time playing video games, I hate the city I live in. I want to start over - I wish it had been me in the accident instead of my friend. I'm wasting my life and he deserved to live. I just kind of wanted to get out there how hopeless I feel, and how tonight it just kind of felt like there wasn't much keeping me around anymore. I feel so stupid for falling for someone who was probably just trying to be a good person - my only remaining friendship is now ruined and I just want it all to end. Thank you for listening to me, and I hope you all have better days. ",4.854298920421487,5.126383278557113,5.372711875363631,85.21300665847825,68.91983967935872,8.683198655375268,28.72202469455039,8.558390810932622,1.83321431249596,1932,63,413,28,31,621,224,499,0.124,0.736,0.14,0.7728,1,1,0,0,0,2,48.0,5,2,2,6,23,34,3,1,26,0,40,7,3,3,6,79,92,30,1,7,10,0,10,1,7,3,4,3,0,2,20,28,0,2,20,4,1,11,8,10,0,4,30,15,65,24,66,51,19,69,0,4,2,0,48,23,0,4,36,281,85,1,0.06885297168324167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131091369404324,0.0,0.0,0.057291188137018174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485093969312754,0.0,0.0,0.056660129041913275,0.061293742475780726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588737036822098,0.0,0.0,0.07604269772088879,0.0585888076414504,0.0,0.07225694589078174,0.18268457452929804,0.07516961231477992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061316462464762,0.07874945696468003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931073844634983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994699054354308,0.0,0.0,0.13321341201438636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145851412489419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060983296266630536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801159824744955,0.06579196507261635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27851305026694545,0.0,0.13221930080748698,0.07542506497232375,0.0,0.05856630254020849,0.0,0.0,0.3723694458770408,0.0,0.10791850770866136,0.0,0.03913073052494135,0.11550121188157556,0.16520403388126198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797805486244497,0.0706630130298175,0.0,0.0,0.08159110295877472,0.04615069556092374,0.0,0.0,0.0683865366174996,0.06780630773302962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832595020779858,0.12239936967003365,0.0,0.2867990985094012,0.03783979257633961,0.056124361605556,0.07766915108304749,0.0,0.0,0.07040682847766927,0.14589867037247073,0.033638084066494836,0.0,0.12159687088244052,0.0,0.05781915514988769,0.0,0.07516115209042888,0.05853633431952425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383441290484301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991557020379376,0.0,0.15184456953492662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466565555414775,0.05236578759883671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491221173196832,0.06572795234779333,0.0,0.06011975909088421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423514887895971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323269302241607,0.0,0.0,0.07392232408247226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054866904007248654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695588968335461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833889947087234,0.0,0.0,0.07707526472357082,0.19493795096679545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489311097000587,0.0,0.0,0.16602423160433055,0.0,0.06339056563744237,0.0,0.0,0.09148570987472897,0.13235461228043008,0.0,0.05466156856492446,0.16059488595771665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674664814515898,0.0,0.06725934860644424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183379985327797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765478911754055,0.0,0.0,0.07917751943796014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScubaDuba672,2018/03/30,"Here again, I want this cycle to end. Can’t seem to make it more than a day or so without thinking, is this the day I can give up? I have been through cycles of having suicidal thoughts for many years. It’s probably been a year since the last, but this time feels different because for the first time I’ve found myself considering methods that are not pharmaceutical, I’m looking for a more reliable and faster method. I feel coldly rational and logical in my thoughts that there is no reason for me to continue in my state of pain and loneliness. For the past 59+ days with a short window of distraction I have been on this downward spiral, I can’t seem to find any joy in the things I should enjoy and I don’t feel any requirement to go on. I think the only thing that has been holding me is a sense of obligation to my parents and even that is becoming less of a concern as the pain increases. I bought a fish so something would need me to be here but it became ill and died. 

Whilst nothing is terrible in my life, I have been living in a state of loneliness for a very long time, I don’t think people are designed to be alone in this way unless it is a choice. I spent a long time trying to develop myself and overcome insecurities, now I’m mid-late 30s, haven’t had a relationship progress beyond dating for a few weeks since I was 18. Over time I think it is unhealthy to have nothing but yourself to focus. I crave intimacy and connection. 

I saw my psychiatrist this week, he let me talk until I had to leave to try to maintain an appearance of a functioning life, but I don’t think there are any answers other than to try and ride it out. But I’m so tired of ending up back here. 

I’ve thought of going to the hospital but I don’t think it will help, I’ve been there before but I’m still functioning so I think the only thing the ward would do is ensure my environment is safe. 

I reach out to my friends but they don’t reach back. I seem to be mostly the initiator of contact. I don’t know if I’m a burden, or if they know I often get a bit down but have no concept of this being different, I feel like I have been screaming for help and no one checks in, which only serves to reinforce my idea that I’m actually not required to be here anymore.",5.550887190563216,5.104651609071278,6.4172030237580975,80.77185537464695,67.46652267818574,9.887655756770227,30.98263831201196,9.466822959209583,2.4859882704768235,1777,61,377,32,26,591,215,463,0.135,0.777,0.08800000000000001,-0.9755,3,1,3,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,4,19,12,0,2,28,0,51,6,0,2,0,68,89,30,2,7,17,1,4,1,1,4,6,1,1,0,24,13,0,4,25,0,3,5,15,7,0,2,17,8,43,5,63,62,7,55,0,0,2,0,11,18,0,10,30,262,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0830859466276122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818104873459245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736976790238659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443761625749423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093731216064755,0.0,0.05190154587737557,0.094032238352819,0.07244925403843147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295260575862914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472791846899576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836356723157816,0.17790975856385893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082042120946876,0.0,0.0,0.05623524198411188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722006603658272,0.06082519570910716,0.0,0.0,0.07781790507844437,0.07242142486998324,0.0,0.0933533999605706,0.06578021021546339,0.0,0.044482986285715766,0.08167560730193846,0.09677589801316186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413727643018827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611453399037287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358322367309116,0.06940179012670304,0.0,0.09015269005829478,0.0,0.08706308265625351,0.1202760989023925,0.04159589853430353,0.0,0.07518161696302955,0.15069532220072926,0.071497523646105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683269750210581,0.0863202467937634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313143797702811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339137576684773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769417028707791,0.1942621330624205,0.1811933892149392,0.0,0.09453970152356042,0.0,0.08127731743941859,0.059026484188509164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179707483767784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753977340387506,0.0,0.09141024458694227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252921998238735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086006822009067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554618450492758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799421371572657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931311214565204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843361508935326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969294228078605,0.3818872193054198,0.0,0.2027788255054502,0.2482338384753207,0.09785777598958156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341672871924418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025075945277992,0.05021873785208987,0.0675814609051773,0.13659095585811146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207349063878762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096433870862262,0.0,0.0,0.10965683328402348
suicidewatch,throwawaycomedian95,2018/03/30,"my life is a joke. need to talk to someone. bullied and regularly stuffed up school. parents aggressively screamed for me to drop out and go do art at community college - but only let me stay after teachers saaid it was a bad move. they didn't care about my opinions; just how they looked to other people. it was disappointing

ended with no qualification. got pushed into art course at community college,  iwas told all my life community college is for losers so i was just full of rage for 6 months and failed.

did university preparation, finished it fine.

didn't know what to do. wanted to work. but parents pushed me into art again. i dropped out of it after the first year.

finally, at 21, i was finally doing a course i wanted to do. computer science. passed all the courses for first year, got 2 awards at the same time. organised a $5,500 conference with my country's former prime minister. it was a great comeback. second year, i'm struggling to keep up.

it is upsetting me now at 22 to see all my peers from my school and university hall graduating and getting into jobs and lives, and i'm here struggling surrounded in kids.

i hate how connected we are now online and everyone can see what everyone is doing. i got on linkedin, saw people i lived in a hall with while doing university preparation and i feel pathetic

most people finish school fine, do 3 year degree and get on with life. instead for me, i fuck up the whole process. 

i almost got there now im fucking up again and at 22 i just feel like a colossal manchild now and kinda just wanna kill myself",3.6716524216524213,5.951431391304354,4.79109624674842,80.43695528304225,74.55183946488296,7.7741112349808015,28.13093026136505,8.626192665926032,2.3132407035798344,1242,51,228,25,27,407,159,299,0.206,0.737,0.056,-0.9949,3,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,0,2,6,19,21,6,3,11,0,22,5,0,2,3,46,47,18,1,4,6,2,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,22,0,1,3,4,0,5,3,14,0,3,14,7,26,7,44,32,7,54,0,3,4,2,8,23,2,4,24,154,35,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580734848862704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822512282046148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773160786099902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358704353118424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019331809265384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685390326136797,0.07548646520108819,0.0,0.2314997473421184,0.0,0.1797556852724661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536954419756614,0.11041027841014917,0.0,0.060051351849417935,0.0,0.33803698295294204,0.11649506032757335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043214383125764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141353767557571,0.0,0.1048553303588107,0.09391912079838666,0.11690168832118825,0.0,0.0580702345043728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804871702610447,0.22390106883680827,0.05162214951570747,0.0,0.18660669962436446,0.0,0.0887312448033372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434008886992674,0.11230423261204177,0.0,0.0783486027523633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036232121874863,0.0,0.0,0.23465499143839125,0.0,0.0,0.2197625799322175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208131779662893,0.16840123929337075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952886214072098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262388802807492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209261512468396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492881352543953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161359545611528,0.0,0.0,0.1009665904632692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464686592851396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179702114338847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692473451226894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721769041021462
suicidewatch,anglmom204,2018/03/30,"Im also in the same boat How are you? I just came across tour poat and I really hope your okay. I know this was a couple of days ago but if you still needed to talk im a good listener and I desperately need someone to talk to as well. Hope to hear from you soon.

Always,


Sarah Elizabeth  


",-1.7469794721407652,0.003499903225812062,1.0726979472140776,97.41086510263929,106.41935483870968,4.835190615835778,12.087976539589446,6.574015621080383,-0.6427612903225808,222,4,53,4,11,76,47,62,0.052000000000000005,0.7340000000000001,0.214,0.8634,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,13,10,7,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,8,5,9,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,4,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359147676572252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656266564922529,0.1723330105521731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368799014189626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291644715945563,0.0,0.13356951324673685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371494826021178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334292404416273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114160700715228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474310154177075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113822833587507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071404842432455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326806617457352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548454666486293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539917666682996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329360830448373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621773468420147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pizza4Free,2018/03/30,"I want to but I don't. I'm so torn.
I'm miserable, have been my whole life. But I can't bring myself to even attempt anything that could end it for good. There's always that chance it will get better, but It doesn't. I don't care about anyone, but I don't want to cause a mess. I could continue on, but if I do I might just blow up and make it worse than it would be if I did something soon. 
I'm stuck in some molasses, you could say it's OK at times, but it really tastes terrible. I've considered the options people get here, but it wouldn't **really** make it better. ",-0.6217473118279564,1.4366588145161288,1.6227096774193548,98.15239784946236,89.88709677419355,5.242150537634409,15.5247311827957,6.742157984588678,-0.4368455913978493,439,9,107,6,15,147,75,124,0.16899999999999998,0.657,0.174,-0.3029,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,0,1,2,1,17,2,0,3,0,24,29,11,0,9,10,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,11,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,2,12,5,10,18,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,5,4,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980723290547508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429107586172898,0.0,0.1580469655577748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397185186689878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958154304012261,0.1972959664325308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600268792565452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010594729712025,0.0,0.0,0.12685217336589127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068424315636196,0.0,0.0,0.1610887264537035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565589843153886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563997572349822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037426664668137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314849445433674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24607391637522685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273183979147525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785525351950846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119902779913301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226560989709242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442535004448385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572300961675665,0.13643214400403836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fionnlagh,2018/03/30,I'm tired of the pain... I've had a head problem for at least a month now. Some days I get so lightheaded that my vision fades away for a second and I almost fall over and some days I have a headache so bad it makes me want to cry. I've had every test known to man up to and including an MRI and nothing. Nothing has come back. I'm just so sick of hurting and not knowing why. I just want the pain to end for once.,-0.5497826086956508,1.307020108695653,1.4653913043478255,100.94265217391306,87.04347826086956,4.549565217391304,17.895652173913042,5.6839178017228535,-0.6673034782608696,318,8,81,2,10,105,60,92,0.241,0.7120000000000001,0.047,-0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,4,6,1,1,0,18,12,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,2,0,6,0,13,10,3,13,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,49,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966629047550745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452114507091846,0.1510169234442349,0.16398302361872474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917834896127731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157325299992671,0.25331922115563377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739491641288092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654726727266443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260915889641807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201559653279776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102467070326096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793447865925723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109630839641376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567619555861356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37689582103772784,0.0,0.0,0.20915605363018655,0.0,0.0,0.4179598272813453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792509802230714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257290915962948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316796996831725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772174554086823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alsoonthestrugglebus,2018/03/30,"I can't handle my current stress and anxiety and it's making every aspect of my life worse Some very basic info about myself: I'm currently a senior in college and about to graduate. I am also an international student in the US on a visa, and I'm from a country in South America. I attended international schools since the first grade, so I am perfectly fluent in English, and identify a lot with american culture.

That being said, there is just so much stress for me right now that I don't know if I can handle it. I'm about to graduate in may but have never had a real job or internship during summer/winter breaks and would just play videogames. And I would say a major reason I never did look for any experience was fear of rejection and being told that foreign students have a really hard time finding jobs in the US after graduating ON TOP of the fact that people in general are having trouble finding good jobs (idk if true or not). But anyways, my uncertainty for the future has just made me paralyze with fear. 

I do not want to go back to my home country. I don't have a good relationship with my family (even though they are paying for my education) and barely have any friends. I just feel so alone and hate myself right now. Everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. I have had depression throughout pretty much all of high school and my first 2 years of college. Last year I felt like I wasn't depressed and was having a good time but as soon as summer break started and I went back home, I just holed up in my room and didn't really take care of myself.

Also, I'm failing a hard class right now. I know it's hard and whatever but I set myself up for failure. Ever since this semester started, I kept telling myself I wouldn't be able to do well on the class and now I am for sure going to fail it. I needed to get a C or better on it to complete my math minor but instead will be failing it, so not getting it and not getting my diploma unless I take 3 credits over the summer or something. There's just so much going on but at the same time nothing really is happening i'm not sure how to explain it but I'm just so overwhelmed. I had a first draft for a paper due on sunday the 25th, but I haven't even started that either. I have an exam in 8 hours that I haven't started studying for either. I just feel so lost and hopeless and it's driving me insane. 

Although i've never attempted suicide, I've always thought of it. At least twice a week for the past 9 years. But about 2 weeks ago, I have been constantly thinking about it. I come to this subreddit to read some stuff and find myself frequently looking up questions on suicide methods and how to not fail with it. Sorry for the wall of text I just needed to get some stuff out of me. There are a lot of other things I want to say but I'm just so tired and constantly wishing I wasn't alive.",4.606606077048291,5.210922771477666,5.812367516729971,80.66988605534458,69.56701030927834,8.531814071260628,29.23331524688009,8.611707548084741,2.1430680412371137,2271,81,447,35,38,761,256,582,0.157,0.728,0.116,-0.9766,5,1,2,0,0,3,45.0,2,0,1,13,44,31,1,5,28,0,45,2,0,6,10,112,92,55,2,10,35,0,7,2,1,5,2,3,3,0,25,29,0,2,15,2,3,7,18,16,1,4,18,12,56,15,73,65,14,84,0,10,2,0,13,32,0,13,44,331,81,26,0.07007055027627357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062113315004839575,0.0,0.0,0.0725719579139334,0.0,0.11207078748028687,0.058304311064608164,0.0,0.0,0.09530075401883847,0.0,0.05360377916981916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775985593102153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197170749649455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144159596403392,0.0,0.0,0.06035957459247025,0.07346763881666528,0.1514427436592328,0.0785900803546668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070332455514265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256187521276,0.06338282433960056,0.059037460725813035,0.0,0.06297489241315057,0.06854244365462868,0.06605627868119546,0.15769769966675826,0.10628932681244528,0.050058415118127815,0.06727871679487518,0.0,0.19212964055238949,0.17880592280832333,0.0,0.0,0.054136333325933685,0.0,0.14643588185617246,0.0,0.1194681254954132,0.17631555929099355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061963156197762735,0.0,0.1883083493664944,0.06918016164698927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403338350705012,0.14057295026111302,0.0,0.06900537738463572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086026272577713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701788385727769,0.057116850666927024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949290189249222,0.06846586292955979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768322902605972,0.0,0.07649028295545432,0.11914295219659488,0.0,0.06630244890643694,0.04677263641615264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545297506217274,0.10391285033827637,0.16212818425639436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723458280327603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689026888673179,0.0485780968564905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128694044851447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784950527082036,0.0,0.0700895123623149,0.0797556266101223,0.13466696629789454,0.07204419591767795,0.0,0.0752295478253204,0.0,0.17951960123086647,0.06665313930729312,0.11144582801129252,0.0,0.14183027553545952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159261665552412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394373294002875,0.0,0.0784382442738424,0.19838518454675785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053115719558886,0.0,0.16042803166811548,0.15329161818345785,0.0,0.13208132876897533,0.0,0.10536866684036003,0.0,0.061244749425985075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465517600520504,0.04489837929222275,0.06884395987882301,0.05562818996294317,0.1225761040756012,0.08053578974822402,0.0,0.06695541359644262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857248884611656,0.0,0.0,0.05781554235960251,0.08265885203660621,0.0,0.11241273768237872,0.0,0.06300183983316042,0.06495610211290878,0.0,0.0,0.08057767473061095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140787702610744,0.09955221698792507,0.0,0.0,0.13536941107406314
suicidewatch,torn_n_2,2018/03/30,I just can't stop thinking of ending it. Im so tired. I just can't get it off my mind. Every time I get in my truck I think of crashing into a telephone pole or something. I'm so tired of not amounting to anything and being useless to everyone. I'm literally just a burden. I don't know if I can do this much longer.,0.12228571428571655,1.9039443714285724,2.975714285714286,91.53928571428571,83.85714285714286,5.142857142857143,22.857142857142854,6.18269132825596,0.4014285714285717,246,9,56,2,7,87,46,70,0.2,0.772,0.029,-0.9061,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,13,13,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,8,12,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726842466391604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308300319343152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122122343224872,0.2406735951140732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26318447043315096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720639701456534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842174964171974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543179740220942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515421251507935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939026501845096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057548733784984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227776150912651,0.0,0.0,0.14686804276828552,0.57897747210947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,graneden,2018/03/30,"I don't know anymore. I just don't. I've struggled with depression for years now, but it's just gotten to the point where I'm constantly crying and I know it's not good for me. When I was younger I always said I wouldn't make it to this age (19) but now I have and I just wish I could go back to wishing I were dead instead of creating plans as to how I'll go through with it. My mental health is declining rapidly and it scares me to the point that I'll break down that I'm envisioning myself getting one of our home guns and just ending it all. I'm currently in uni as a pre-nursing major but the stress is becoming too much for me. I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. I force myself to get up but recently I've been skipping classes and my grades are showing it. I'm so overwhelmed with school and don't know what to do, honestly. Today was a breaking point because I left my Chem lab as soon as possible because I felt like I was going to break down, and sure enough, the tears were flowing as soon as I left the lab, didn't even finish it btw. I have no energy to hold conversations anymore and due to a massive fallout because of drama, I no longer have friends. That being said for in real life and all my gaming buddies. I see no real future for myself even though I see potential in me. I have a shred of hope left but honestly with no one around except my own thoughts, I just can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. ",3.3038418862690686,3.881064155339807,4.621710587147478,88.13495145631069,72.49514563106796,7.698012020342118,27.012020342117427,7.793537801064563,1.3584000924641702,1140,38,255,14,21,379,147,309,0.133,0.746,0.121,-0.7825,1,0,0,1,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,20,13,1,4,10,0,26,3,0,2,3,48,53,24,1,6,12,0,1,1,1,1,3,2,1,0,16,15,0,1,7,3,0,4,13,6,0,2,12,5,38,7,41,38,6,37,1,2,2,0,6,14,1,1,17,176,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865175769326985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093531049181376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256198470624652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995224928940098,0.0,0.1901510852491914,0.1148349364740431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123626965673046,0.0,0.08301754180869697,0.0,0.11421435839741335,0.0,0.0,0.08955563471678775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209316821531638,0.1074365120409375,0.0,0.1373522645843585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983466831095414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033272836704182,0.0,0.10864786362160997,0.0,0.17727836157949045,0.0872113610288989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052317873547893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042978710904864,0.10327307977651007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28571646633607484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389154465178107,0.0,0.1468847112304001,0.050798135293184686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940576255151087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478482483124063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643539756428967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091563693252435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948769271186881,0.11721896426846748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669822814338765,0.0,0.0,0.10266519870816596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978127518369763,0.0,0.10409957737942926,0.10523074152636344,0.16571314866618803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910583016214753,0.10869981806380166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799752637913847,0.0,0.07817811044499641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215732741559164,0.08254648956253896,0.0,0.0,0.0985584751714256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132860040418765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23913789719043105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695807578709022
suicidewatch,valley_trash,2018/03/30,Idk how I’m gonna survive this week Every time. Every time I visit my family I get bombarded with depression and get extremely suicidal. I feel so small and I don’t know what to do. I’m here for a week and I’m feeling suicidal on just the first day. The worst thing is I’ll have to move back in pretty soon because I have nowhere else to go. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive that either. I don’t know why it’s this bad. They aren’t really even saying anything bad to me but i guess I can’t get over the years of abuse. But idk if I can call it abuse maybe I’m just dramatic and sensitive. ,0.20328671328671533,1.953864363636363,2.7624242424242453,93.34248251748257,83.3939393939394,6.78881118881119,20.002331002331,7.882392219407189,0.6448442890442889,464,13,112,9,13,161,78,132,0.235,0.7390000000000001,0.026,-0.9796,1,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,1,3,9,4,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,2,0,19,27,10,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,0,3,13,0,10,25,2,16,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,9,63,20,0,0.0,0.3738791488304145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983677006366964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132053342991375,0.26347388683520834,0.09617920404467856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611076380517083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017529106597126,0.0,0.1358928294333243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180217663549562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042100138225259,0.0,0.26586732752085346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873781886136753,0.0,0.15955326734471015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420476947321106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472954210997095,0.0,0.08966812726162245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380880877558014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601298230907767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585078888510163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769164909270926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051561255494495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010757858789694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547035429894401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451641750571051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481982019781576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840017101449688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531178829465584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236891954173936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160301360035996
suicidewatch,throw277,2018/03/30,i can’t beat my depression and see no reason to continue trying i thought i had beaten my depression 2 years ago and it came back in december. i don’t know what else to say but i just can’t do anything anymore and i’m ready to just stop,-0.06820512820512903,2.043201923076925,2.539999999999999,92.28833333333336,87.46153846153845,6.543589743589743,22.128205128205128,7.793537801064563,1.104451282051282,188,7,43,4,6,65,36,52,0.219,0.716,0.065,-0.6956,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,2,7,0,4,7,0,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473569468573165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767380957803875,0.0,0.0,0.2296306217762909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456871972462704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31915364601390084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806828589838033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23310665967303065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533560767354251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869051883577405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190813479131685,0.0,0.0,0.22236308838627256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332944835502198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153091051991555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894535374529368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796961151756502
suicidewatch,quijanojohnmisty,2018/03/30,"checking out i can barely call this a life. everything around me makes me miserable; i have gone out of my way to avoid my friends because i refuse to let them see me in my condition; i cannot enjoy reading, playing my guitar, seeing films, the way i had been used to prior to all the agony; i cannot bring myself to express love or affection for my family because i cannot for the life of me look at myself without this nauseating concurrence of rage and misery in my stomach. 

ive come close to checking out three times now, with a belt wound to a metal beam on the ceiling tied to my neck. i would always end up terrified, though, and elect to go to bed and look listlessly into oblivion instead. 

incidentally, while she was cleaning my room, my mother discovered that id written two suicide notes, one addressed to her alone, asking forgiveness for all those years id been this disappointment of a son, and another to my family, saying goodbye. she recommended therapy immediately, but i refused, because in my mind’s eye, even then, i figured there isnt a way in the world that could rid me of all this pain but my dying. (what a mope, no? lmfao)

i have been nothing but weary to the goddamn bones. id want nothing more than to be set free from this.",9.813795918367344,6.702951053061228,9.714387755102043,69.05239795918371,60.91836734693878,12.738775510204082,40.826530612244895,10.793553405168565,4.251359183673468,988,40,188,18,10,327,149,245,0.16899999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.07,-0.9724,0,2,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,0,6,11,1,2,12,0,17,9,4,3,3,32,31,11,2,3,5,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,0,9,12,0,3,2,4,3,4,6,5,0,3,7,6,35,7,38,20,4,30,0,2,5,1,15,15,0,1,7,133,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481941321959081,0.0,0.0,0.11905916596251832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500383379218311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737703816570994,0.13376626511642745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26167202572313564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610698999226726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325607622511088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142426734360656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850086670018814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267318871758361,0.0,0.0,0.09450707384695828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285966342862818,0.0,0.269777836416106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054802940578863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131917475094719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631531565673814,0.2021320040590199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403127116979829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291408658681401,0.0,0.09551113768250252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447625470869693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745901017002169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695890013953087,0.0,0.1522537861573972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312490332541264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378787512233443,0.0,0.0,0.22804232352192125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651305946950694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363151939858675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058144749617282,0.0,0.08343470349333308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977440874701158,0.0,0.0,0.12358052029008565,0.0,0.0,0.08439593748043958,0.3407254538847052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792997357189268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164431847216153,0.0,0.0,0.09214281005427837
suicidewatch,thrwayacct34,2018/03/30,"""It gets better"" is something I've been told for years. It hasn't, and I'm pretty sure it won't. Title mostly sums it up.

Throughout high school, I told myself it'd be easier in college. Through college I said it would be better after graduating. I started my first professional job in August. No complaints about the job itself, it's pretty much everything I could have asked for. But it didn't make things better. I still hate myself. I still want to die. And I can't believe anymore that ""it gets better"". There's nothing in the future I can see that will make life worth living. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is fear that if I don't, I'll make it worse...that's enough to keep me functional, but it doesn't make the pain stop.

I wish I'd killed myself when I was 14, and first wanted to. Nothing that's happened since has been worth the pain. All I bought myself is years of shit.

I want to now, but I'm still too scared. Of failing, or of the physical pain....

I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep on like this, but I don't see any changes that I can make to make things better. Suicide seems like the only option. ",1.1673256624825683,3.22217538912134,2.562369246861927,94.4285468967922,81.71966527196653,4.987517433751744,18.744944211994426,5.985473137389443,-0.2799248256624827,894,21,197,6,24,289,120,239,0.16699999999999998,0.682,0.151,-0.8813,2,0,1,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,0,8,8,17,3,2,8,0,26,5,1,6,2,32,56,10,3,8,6,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,1,0,23,4,0,3,2,0,3,0,10,9,0,2,8,3,24,8,23,41,4,22,0,1,2,0,4,8,1,5,16,126,47,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222331216724378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907436676973578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554038829669798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308945574943204,0.0,0.4046227063774599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679513898446344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305550945351016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496282032599176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454422463080712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822345306637862,0.0,0.0,0.10296322726346196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566014304643866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341532262306805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091337472941576,0.0,0.0,0.09033756003840404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667504481330444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159977191368568,0.1626592645024056,0.10123147703987333,0.0,0.05028614809033515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462933722246425,0.08940480703906283,0.0,0.08079640294248222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664627907601184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726321675735025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559392797146864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918013661146053,0.2920881728186957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861773118017013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703769737697263,0.0,0.09160771920799753,0.09260314464736127,0.14582771586818258,0.08329839710167802,0.0,0.0,0.09392369850852032,0.07568995779920885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044136783073797,0.0,0.0,0.06476435257253607,0.0,0.2192166693555398,0.07649831163002523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008642963061724,0.0,0.0862379089868661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236611414936613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748648326822187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587688813639666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522077941759696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499915701985283,0.0,0.0,0.1178463305966057
suicidewatch,acorn24,2018/03/30,Checking out My boyfriend is reading my texts telling him I am having a horrible breakdown but ignoring me for a friend. I think that was the last little push I needed. ,6.440312500000001,7.15561240625,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,65.5625,8.9,37.875,8.841846274778883,3.3942625,135,7,24,2,2,42,28,32,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.126,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,18,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458361354730647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36487640908586605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44864066147812137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319103491052757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477489442559421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39124643577130497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28682182610967194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScratchingOntheWall,2018/03/30,"Have been thinking about suicide recently. Normally I'm pretty good when it comes too dealing with stress and stuff. My anti-depressants help but right now I feel just....empty. A lot of shit has been going on and I can't really talk too anyone. I feel worthless and hopeless and I have nothing too live for. I hate feeling this way because I'm too much of a chicken too actually do it. But I've started making an on going list of things that I'll miss if I actually do something. It's helping a bit, even though the reasons are kinda dumb. But...no reason is dumb if it prevents you from killing yourself. Right? Like, one is that my dad will eat the last piece of banana cream pie. I know it's dumb but it makes me laugh. This post is probably pointless, but maybe the other people out there who are suffering can maybe try and see if it works. Even though I feel like shit, I want other people too be happy and enjoy life. ",2.4692845786963424,4.52302418918919,3.643306836248012,88.32454689984104,77.37837837837839,6.082670906200319,23.85532591414945,7.048011613610866,0.9009077901430844,725,24,145,8,17,235,118,185,0.23,0.617,0.152,-0.9733,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,1,14,18,7,1,7,0,16,4,2,4,0,31,34,16,2,5,7,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,9,1,1,8,0,0,3,1,12,0,1,2,6,13,6,11,30,4,15,0,4,2,0,7,5,5,5,7,93,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.2398633954863049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593383987531739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491809102767223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417387982888418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586660816525488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670347478072044,0.1058527305004976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257563610098103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234726371668154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485657128362331,0.08779907172085358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969267030628565,0.1030818521332318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082827312881906,0.0,0.1213373208035241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475322113622978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596953692107594,0.0,0.06754207751699988,0.10017908989609184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868071998020263,0.12008448920320855,0.0,0.10852207054778854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448433675195322,0.0,0.0,0.16407207657631415,0.0,0.2469371328967995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034490755001548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041492821721027,0.11792490720563745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327954453505937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040538738195266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770327167592555,0.12503246821597386,0.13250591080681198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873224781166306,0.2527212861022758,0.12134793801643805,0.0,0.0,0.2099101527228877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793459295790513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523081192836508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461365618778886,0.0,0.0,0.08698854630771119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407803917761576,0.0,0.1406899541787874,0.1344315610805387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878156262878728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816486360963879,0.07874871815908553,0.24149529131854025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344035518457038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248901569495833,0.0975515074606707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947193731430622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idkwut_toputhere,2018/03/30,"Idk...need someone to relate to. Ever since my life began I have been outcast. Back when I didn't have major social anxiety and actually tried talking to people and being part of the group I always knew that people didn't like me, and now I can't have conversations with people whether it's other students or adults. For years now I've constantly been feeling alone and like a faliure. Every day the self hatred seems to get even worse with no stop. I just think I should talk to someone who relates to me. so if you want to... just message me... (I'm new to reddit so I don't exactly know how to message people but I could probably figure out)",3.626015625000001,5.177412070312503,4.9816875,82.14456250000002,72.828125,7.307500000000001,26.08125,7.908726449838941,1.59344125,507,17,96,7,10,169,88,128,0.118,0.861,0.022,-0.8062,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,1,2,26,21,12,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,1,13,2,14,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,3,13,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.16787846737108295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817332429379096,0.0,0.0,0.1431444489255816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160404933161182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228202950938864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859055333048783,0.0,0.13735359558909588,0.0,0.0,0.11094644204091064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362554823919198,0.15561284055625324,0.1449444239585917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869845747562805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987964709850331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454431705699937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151132631132627,0.16809234240682658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614962835652325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629394851517708,0.0,0.4770614575426743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547964918746512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661151957340935,0.17946694961069798,0.0,0.0,0.14230669160310325,0.0,0.0,0.17536501307189067,0.2915243997283091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438264990207971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765456947696429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102311929269713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679847120386698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146896179332038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753153586622616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078300155257724
suicidewatch,UnconstitutionalDig,2018/03/30,"I hate myself and want to die, please change my mind. I feel sad all the time and everything that can go wrong in my life has. but I don't want to die, please change my mind.",1.3883333333333319,2.4428366052631643,2.0815789473684205,102.69938596491232,77.6842105263158,6.119298245614036,15.298245614035089,6.42735559955562,-1.0045017543859651,133,1,36,1,3,41,27,38,0.307,0.5379999999999999,0.155,-0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,8,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,8,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436724461359212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284573274147283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551464198545214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437083550230833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731176071754855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379443979418232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579870839905498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168454457060715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531686206926258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036364119196245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24350065168666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256850141170639,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drunkonsobriety,2018/03/30,Please help me I don’t want to die I’m scared of my own thoughts. I know I have so much to live for but I am overwhelmed and I need to escape. I feel trapped by circumstances and I have no other options. I find myself going to the nearest train station ready to throw myself on the tracks or desperately searching my medicine cabinet for something to OD on or getting a little too close to the edge of a high balcony. I always chicken out but I’m scared its only a matter of time before I actually do something. I think about it several times a day. I was hospitalized twice in February and it was NOT helpful and now I am scared to talk about it with anyone for fear of being sent back. ,1.8717142857142832,4.087889028571432,3.481428571428569,87.91357142857143,80.14285714285714,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.1407142857142856,544,21,110,7,14,180,90,140,0.206,0.7090000000000001,0.085,-0.9712,0,1,2,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,5,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,21,20,9,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,4,1,18,0,23,15,2,16,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,3,5,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.17296500969775416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748157631118342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393343650676505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629003692507566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082196732398814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430800342678656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395174976629264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944927658718914,0.08962011657527573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199821092342126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926029065875374,0.0,0.10073210222529097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376064295578709,0.18726848666766766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740891117670647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764549685102032,0.15651009147654885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029506047681486,0.1314245095006345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348023867367296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194561174198092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323578274917153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023577129414852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729028650141865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246237032880674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135710830112852,0.0,0.14071229027955834,0.20670532152269228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045433654204648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GiraffesRampage,2018/03/30,"The suicide hotline is a joke Used it twice over the last couple years. I'm poor, no insurance. Going through an ultra complicated situation right now that leaves me vulnerable and alone all the time. Like physically home alone. It's a really long story. 

But the 2 times I've used the hotline, it was a mediocre experience. The first time was the texting version cos I was in public on a parking garage. It was slow and felt so fake and rehearsed. Not personal. The second time was more recent and I actually called. I got this southern, good ol boy sounding dude. Same shtick. ""Are you ok? Have you tried talking to him? I'm glad you stopped before doing that to yourself."" Calmed be down only because I had that mediocre experience to distract me. 

If I could give the hotline advice, it would be to try being more personal. Give advice and lead us poor people to resources for help. I feel most vulnerable when I'm alone because I'm so broke it feels like no matter how much I want to help myself and get better, it's out a reach with a price tag. I've known people who are fucked up and at risk, if not more so than me. But I always get that pang of jealousy when I hear them mention medication or ""my therapist said..."". Yeah, I feel bad for ya but at least you can afford to get help. I hate being bitter like that towards people.  But I'm so tired of being alone with no one to help me.",1.7878060606060586,4.234321410909093,3.303545454545457,87.70465151515154,82.16363636363636,5.703030303030302,22.25757575757576,7.03164865440522,0.7722121212121209,1088,36,216,14,30,357,159,275,0.18,0.7070000000000001,0.113,-0.9622,1,4,0,0,0,1,38.0,1,5,1,5,8,17,3,2,16,2,19,3,0,5,1,37,42,21,1,5,9,0,4,3,0,1,2,3,1,3,14,10,0,1,5,1,3,2,5,8,0,4,9,8,25,9,25,26,9,26,0,1,0,1,24,10,1,4,17,138,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.10077841346609034,0.0,0.0,0.20183208317120244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278339021196088,0.0,0.0,0.08593043935355085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622766825586725,0.12590710372242725,0.0,0.08787672494747012,0.0,0.0,0.091335545441271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545208964938413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245415665330523,0.11426832076599053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203934117604275,0.0,0.0,0.15665202769423991,0.07377741930054763,0.09915715643943353,0.0,0.0,0.08784296978720382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547314702326876,0.1618658136327401,0.19813550803387733,0.058691763525514175,0.08661951519590116,0.08259592022217166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019595562717144,0.0,0.0,0.11639486320609488,0.0,0.2768837355257929,0.0,0.1035900704132904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418032873866664,0.0,0.10934996160657244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136020582777304,0.0,0.0,0.09139232388009952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403550865041207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591668106900461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699796678472442,0.07854288384979834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478706100541575,0.18034596525224705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615858169598446,0.0,0.10196847789871573,0.0,0.0,0.08819358251369858,0.0982351637535402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608186905410835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633987796456867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296262539767155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300598881498622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990655969144474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408745490715919,0.11869578201655401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022959355677395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422330154468912,0.17838741466424513,0.0,0.0,0.060912403750855125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336134831361739,0.0,0.0,0.06650367560719847
suicidewatch,throwaway6776712,2018/03/30,"My life went up in smoke About 3 weeks ago, I lost my job kind of out of nowhere.  It's a long story, but my exit was extended over 5 days and it wasn't pretty.  Lots of hurt feelings and accusations and misunderstanding. 

Since then, I've been able to get out of bed less and less and I'm starting to feel like I will never come out of this.  I've struggled with depression for a long time and I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm never going to get over it. 

What's the point of living if you won't enjoy it and won't achieve anything?  I feel like a waste of a human being and I hope I don't wake up tomorrow. ",1.4014695830485309,2.707386180451131,3.4096650717703376,92.15220095693779,78.17293233082707,6.340123034859878,21.113465481886536,6.980632752743323,0.26599849624060123,474,12,113,5,11,161,78,133,0.221,0.684,0.095,-0.9586,1,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,2,1,10,0,1,5,0,8,2,1,0,2,23,24,11,0,2,2,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,13,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,4,9,6,22,15,3,25,0,3,0,0,2,10,0,3,15,66,15,2,0.1620547024474035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365171589839018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333572121586959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959577685444166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451187662753693,0.0,0.139577477756867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277589070256059,0.34731573542545696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933378693516926,0.0,0.09209942195294282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095688496847738,0.0,0.0,0.17348291066502286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081428672825,0.0,0.0,0.16875503494948196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446402886552158,0.2375152257497994,0.0,0.14309727124083868,0.28682662420372584,0.0,0.0,0.17690185100003555,0.13777311288978222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628057302408723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24997315376589574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531940745216881,0.0,0.0,0.16486789210618644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405332449158006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294063049664964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941476084621698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449540020647652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299905073143426,0.0,0.0,0.15022633272533215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pta707,2018/03/30,"i dont push back on the suicidal thoughts anymore I've had them for many years, but they used to scare me, so i would fight them off. they don't scare me anymore because tbh i don't want to be here anymore. everything is so miserable and i do not have any support or help from anyone. i need therapy so bad but i do not have any money. as in, zero dollars, so do not give me any fucking useless advice like ""maybe a therapist will see you on a sliding scale."" sliding scales dont work if you are too sick and depressed to work so you do not have any money at all. i also have not been able to get a diagnosis for my health problems, so do not give me useless advice about getting disability money either. if you do not have a diagnosis, it doesn't matter how sick you are. you will never be eligible for anything.

please let me die in my sleep. please.",2.301333333333332,4.006577228571434,3.9965714285714284,87.18876190476192,76.71428571428572,6.723809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.554174236665415,1.3076666666666663,665,25,140,9,15,223,97,175,0.294,0.645,0.061,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,6,4,2,13,12,2,3,5,0,27,5,1,2,2,25,38,16,2,6,13,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,13,10,0,1,3,1,24,2,16,29,2,12,0,4,1,1,14,6,1,3,4,102,25,2,0.12345244235473335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24127259576834115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872487354894133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358075766634028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672949504652103,0.08632081810668653,0.0,0.10159084122815054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949273079062958,0.10307763275424026,0.07525546301530256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106329407703496,0.0,0.12812414453718549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28937068602786603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095109492899867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412979367079727,0.12899761163738832,0.2368536636301904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122417332661854,0.0,0.0,0.08274756984457789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623848646658498,0.0,0.060312627510794366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516139992068245,0.12402457148137873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915384217458176,0.09521413414563208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710274192656653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812731471696117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471948624995685,0.0,0.09837561311512953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354159823218215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503693479388165,0.14009236860652147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117862681967255,0.14333780067000862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800744945803233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662327295095482,0.0,0.0,0.07281544904331129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797496966914761,0.0,0.0,0.08769707302519357,0.0,0.0,0.07949932532913515
suicidewatch,WeAreAllDyingSlowly,2018/03/30,"If I don't exist any more, than maybe I should get rid of this empty shell of a body...  I feel like my soul and mind have left my body already. They are somewhere else, far away. Probably in the middle of the woods where my heart always was anyway. My body has no reason to still be here, so maybe it's time for it to go. Am I crazy? Do I exist? What is my purpose, if any at all? I feel like I don't belong in this life. I'm getting restless. I'm not supposed to live the way I am.

 Maybe I need to melt away.",-0.7160029498525091,1.038270548672564,1.5532964601769912,100.69832227138643,86.87610619469027,4.120648967551623,15.611356932153392,4.7782277997778095,-1.161772271386431,384,7,98,1,12,129,74,113,0.087,0.866,0.047,-0.5007,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,12,5,4,1,1,11,20,4,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,15,2,14,17,2,13,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,2,4,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854014827430572,0.0,0.12708268665410774,0.0,0.0,0.20772179003119906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869876739571017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089421609240953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758540523029982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544486501637254,0.21821912536823967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958910198102147,0.0,0.08679935828795105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809844918257734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594040586521147,0.0,0.10787694473975268,0.1492312600270464,0.0,0.13486242424852474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603101499723618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542126593754616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324655036435527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646675949736532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703075480830134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196950354345858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905745470667634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122909854959632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayidonteve,2018/03/30,"I just don't have any hope anymore Ok so like this is going to sound dumb.
I've had a shitty life (ain't we all?) so I get fixated on relationships. And the relationships I've had have been awful. Like, abusive or the other guy's been a drug addict (not judging, but equally not healthy) or like whatever.
Generally speaking if I like a man, it ends bad. The only time I was in love - and I remember this vividly - he cringed away from me when I told him I loved him. I never slept with him because he had a boyfriend and that was wrong. But the emotional stuff was worse.
I could type at length at the many ""false starts"" I've had since then. But this was a guy who called me handsome and kissed me on the cheek. I literally - literally - can't remember when a man was nice to me like that. He just... well, I don't know. For once I thought it was a man who didn't want to just use me, fuck me whatever. Like I got kissed on the cheek. I've never had that; a man has never kissed me without like trying to put something in me.
I really thought there was something there. But he just wants to be friends. And that's ok, like I'm not mad or anything - that's his prerogative. But I feel so lonely and for the first time in a long time I want to kill myself.",0.9675066312997344,2.9464267777777766,2.656800766283528,93.89423740053051,81.98850574712644,6.007721780135572,21.53271441202476,7.1686216300943375,0.4515916887709994,963,30,224,13,26,317,127,261,0.138,0.618,0.245,0.9879,0,2,3,0,0,1,41.0,1,0,0,1,12,27,4,0,17,3,25,12,3,1,4,42,44,21,1,6,17,0,1,8,1,0,3,2,0,6,14,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,12,7,1,1,20,4,30,20,20,22,2,24,0,1,1,6,25,9,2,5,21,143,44,1,0.0,0.131985332860667,0.0,0.12143742800011835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575269155017694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047430343684632,0.0,0.0,0.0916689222601188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104659644713777,0.0,0.09301050556796872,0.06790560158180317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137471576105225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894016215012955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918329768576536,0.0,0.0,0.1253048309921618,0.098663260023574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056324861028958964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475286988226883,0.0,0.0,0.08606380930178922,0.10298325180786748,0.058199498547178326,0.0,0.0633085726264237,0.0,0.08909307711904953,0.0,0.0,0.2205979180688388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064076652898233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324250491132327,0.0,0.06121999830698524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868186499854991,0.4353773230540783,0.0,0.0,0.09858142312158834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010773943757259,0.0,0.0,0.11293745086262193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577449981379399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186324648823189,0.0,0.08472122096539368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119831440824894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136274534229416,0.0,0.0,0.2391939409312236,0.2523785447268989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214742556934763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151524159665496,0.0,0.0,0.07884623709338535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752108127659162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687100838360573,0.194866659745964,0.0,0.0,0.1064430779379401,0.0,0.07563016405362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962098590886768,0.0,0.0,0.19711167828692047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015784217261578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738118993435997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352142883449585,0.0,0.12179338217696956,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whozurdaddi,2018/03/30,"No doctor can figure out what's wrong with me and it's driving me insane. Will be killing myself soon. It's been a slow decline in the last two years. I've developed parathesia in my lower extremeties, a tremor, headaches, neck stiffness and my eyes hurt/blurry vision has been a thing in the past few days. 

I can't do it anymore. Doctors really have not helped and I don't know where to turn.",1.5604078762306628,4.050183240506332,2.3219409282700454,94.04960618846698,83.68354430379749,4.523769338959212,21.436005625879048,5.82211442006289,0.11656849507735555,312,10,63,2,9,97,61,79,0.188,0.7859999999999999,0.026,-0.9118,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,0,10,5,2,0,0,9,12,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,1,7,0,6,8,1,12,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,6,42,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25703999839623265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715166287168995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5305697868007568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372497383807944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774608774926446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867477076500727,0.0,0.14244025784367562,0.2112688255962002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474196036108969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166039335643515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218974016940367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819167950242823,0.25318423557876524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833760411744641,0.0,0.16690542379540285
suicidewatch,rubytwilights,2018/03/30,"I don’t know what’s going on anymore but it’s not good. First of all I’m just going to start off by saying I’m sorry, my problems are probably really irrelevant and easy to fix but I just need to get them out of my head. 

I’ve come to the realization recently that there is zero point in living. At all. Everyone will die eventually, and in the meantime all that’s here is dissappointment and negativity in the world. Nothing turns out the way you think it’s going to, so there’s no point trying to be positive anymore. That’s just how the world works.
I’ve struggled with eating disorders for a while now. My now-ex girlfriend has some of the same issues as me, so I would generally seek her for comfort when I felt disgusting about myself. Little did I know, I was making her worse by talking about my own problems and bad moments. (She’s a little bigger than me and often compared our bodies) I feel so terrible about this because I never realized I was hurting her and she never said anything about it until we broke up. Now she hates me and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m overwhelming to her, but I never intended to hurt her at all. I miss the way we used to be before we dated and I want to be friends with her again but I’m afraid I fucked up too bad again. 
Everything with school is getting to be too overwhelming as well. I’m currently in 2 AP classes as a Sophomore and planned on dual enrolling for the next 2 years of high school. I can’t handle what I have already and my grades are starting to show it. Everything is just so stressful and I want it to be over. I’ve tried making things better but I don’t think they will be anymore. 

I have 38,200 mg of ibuprofen and at least 13,000 mg of acetaminophen. I’ll probanly only take the latter because it should cause less vomiting but I want to do it in a time where I won’t be found until it’s too late. I would take meds for depression or anxiety, but I can’t get them as my mom doesn’t believe there’s anything’s wrong with me and won’t let me seek therapy. This seems like the only option and I’m not scared anymore. 

TLDR: I fucked up too much in my life and I feel so guilty and stressed there’s no other way to go anymore",2.137378317395505,4.03642630396476,3.7514440743526367,87.88912377780164,77.81057268722465,6.631911464489093,24.068765445363702,7.590005382236693,1.1129319436982916,1738,59,363,25,41,578,211,454,0.205,0.7140000000000001,0.081,-0.997,2,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,4,1,3,4,33,28,4,7,14,0,35,8,2,6,7,77,75,38,1,9,14,1,3,1,2,7,3,2,0,0,18,26,1,0,10,1,0,5,15,22,1,2,6,5,55,6,61,54,10,57,0,7,0,2,23,27,2,5,23,256,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961830108938851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212615330551757,0.0,0.4026971943126172,0.0,0.0,0.13365938196085195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356154995997983,0.0990108808451906,0.0,0.06910453569022676,0.09149692898013588,0.0,0.07182448439567553,0.0,0.09020705606703404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342601467758398,0.0,0.06995604120947804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994687092902348,0.0,0.08428414297034972,0.0,0.09307478274838198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309907463384264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760054149445082,0.14597432796905044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212539133818081,0.0,0.07797524612127113,0.0,0.0,0.06907799129318934,0.0,0.08904361328492337,0.06274337734566306,0.15015642651388272,0.12728810617256964,0.0,0.18461621412021031,0.06811589056036635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017899847257806,0.08334586250298193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580382586298697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738759999921357,0.0,0.0,0.08476313094966326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926282687318075,0.0,0.09160948718899717,0.0,0.0,0.08304369703418535,0.057361694606770125,0.03967556730544167,0.1627894105237134,0.07171075536422615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841787745179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020705606703404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511328134477123,0.0,0.0,0.059699391386656614,0.06021688928011119,0.18790466989926485,0.0,0.08636876503002107,0.0,0.0,0.1558481906820725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352917165395524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354119202992314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755913802802855,0.1554158198405492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052025813123530135,0.0,0.08018601426534794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725020912761292,0.06458220580264791,0.08130632679620638,0.1643796310212559,0.0,0.07393139742920198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090900798867703,0.11496305465375314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605373420873564,0.08489931614198923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212105286427136,0.06527428417475307,0.0,0.0,0.0928717971948952,0.0,0.05395294560245665,0.10407339326733207,0.0,0.0,0.04735475714170975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027380638687599,0.08833419163882754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701401848482719,0.0,0.0,0.14370096455556353,0.19338441254241795,0.0,0.0,0.07301839572923889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912253771350789,0.0,0.08276089454982477,0.11537985549306655,0.08879142345812117,0.0,0.0522971882176546
suicidewatch,cicirawr,2018/03/30,"If my mom didn’t love me so much, I’d go ahead and do it. I’m really unhappy with my life. My mom knows it. She’s been trying so hard to get me help. 

I want to give up so bad but the thought of hurting her prevents me from doing it.",-1.7746666666666648,-0.21298407272727005,1.5013636363636393,100.6253787878788,89.72727272727272,5.121212121212121,16.439393939393938,6.42735559955562,-0.6086969696969704,176,4,49,2,6,63,43,55,0.166,0.7140000000000001,0.12,-0.5755,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,12,6,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,1,9,1,7,9,1,3,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,1,1,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233373573324866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391209718813974,0.25544125553678976,0.15133378073820386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385357126516249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848272059426104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285059604150611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634122072617434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808233406282288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403292401759557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237308042704567,0.0,0.0,0.19574737028091785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705865984411642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139758243813087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807875014277172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570595906436106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,realcvplays,2018/03/30,"I want to kill myself for no reason as far as i know. Now I don't know if there is a reason or not, but sometimes I think that there is and I just can't find it, or I just see no enjoyment in life. I'm always bored, and I feel that no matter what I do I will always remain that way. Every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, all I feel is sadness, and when I say to my family that I am feeling better, I say it because I believe that I want to feel better but I just feel like absolute shit as I say it. I was in a psych ward 5 times and it seems like those places don't help that much for me. The staff are usually nice and all of that, but it seems that whenever they give me a new medication, it never ends up working. I don't know what to do and I'm seriously considering suicide. I just wish I could figure out why I'm so miserable in life. I just don't know if I enjoy it or not. I wish I could express how sad I really feel, but it's so hard to do it when I am just typing things out. I wish I could get some help to feel better",2.4073750000000023,2.1209899875,4.809999999999999,89.075,74.125,8.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,0.6779916666666659,807,16,205,10,15,288,110,240,0.196,0.64,0.16399999999999998,-0.8831,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,4,14,15,2,1,6,0,19,5,2,3,3,57,45,23,2,10,17,0,8,2,0,1,3,3,1,0,21,8,0,0,18,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,1,12,36,8,22,40,4,22,0,3,1,0,8,9,1,8,13,143,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790996245900199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560514289099698,0.0,0.0,0.12125271583463125,0.0,0.2855477411145177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577813277853925,0.0,0.0,0.06940704396247954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532081479523624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067585963775783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014560887316382,0.0,0.3809170862242133,0.07688490946487027,0.0,0.0,0.09836421431861082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056227856457061035,0.10324046802791638,0.061163848881865664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964078357811685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427301158010047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906738113808875,0.0,0.23658411931616724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520326711174666,0.10515697830927047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084174634942712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911427651170941,0.0,0.0830044308490477,0.10394163478841917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244169065658403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894516794222202,0.22130590700999447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567551043116064,0.0,0.0,0.08576050025890017,0.19594936843588265,0.0,0.0,0.11047205014906616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644053770293414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772058861578487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149902466121305,0.06895959088708478,0.0,0.0,0.06275503424129439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853001382131273,0.0,0.12695604405987562,0.08542503550745251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971117759035919,0.0,0.3712786678483535,0.0,0.0,0.07834982381053021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,09riche,2018/03/30,"Struggling [TW: Child sexual abuse] Hi everyone,

I'm new to this subreddit and I'm not entirely sure how to start, so I'll just go ahead. After a particularly strenuous therapy session this afternoon my boyfriend suggested this particular group. I also shared this with the self-harm community - I was unsure which subreddit was appropriate. I hope that's okay.

I'm a 19 year old university undergraduate, residing in central London. I suffer from depression, and I've been self-harming since May 2015. I cut my wrists (right arm only), as well as punish myself by not eating, not drinking, or binging till I vomit. I've tried to kill myself twice; in November 2015 I was suspended from college for trying to cut my wrists open in the girls' bathroom, and a year after that I tried to take an overdose on paracetemol.

Between the ages of 8-10 I was molested by the son of a close family friend. He was much larger and faster than me, and used physical violence and other intimidation tactics to get me to obey him. He took pictures of me naked, touched my genitals and repeatedly tried to have sex with me. My parents didn't believe me when I told them what was going on, which is why the abuse went on so long. My Mum resented the fact she had finally overcome the worst of her own depression and had made friends, and was loathe to give one of them up. When we went to their house in the holidays I tried my best to evade him, but to no avail. My parents only put an end to the visits when he tried to grope my little sister, who was only 6 at the time.

At 14 I was sexually assualted by my best friend. The attack lasted around 90 minutes. I was bitten, spat on, kissed, pushed onto the mattress, groped and pulled at like some sort of miserable little rag-doll. My clothes were repeatedly taken off. I cried, and I begged, and I pleaded with him. My head was slammed against the headboard of the bed. Once again my Mum refused to believe me, and threatened my father as to stop him going to the police. I was diagnosed with depression 6 months later.

At 16, after embarking on a whirlwind romantic relationship with a man of 21, I was encouraged into visiting forums online to send naked pictures to strangers with a penchant for violence. It quickly became addictive. I hated degrading myself like that but the high I got from the danger and small amounts of affection I sometimes gained from these men temporarily numbed my pain. The correspondences never lasted more than one conversation. My boyfriend enjoyed it and even suggested selling my body for quick cash. We broke up after 7 months of dating. I stopped the online forum business. It frightened me.

A month before my 17th birthday I started self-harming after a particularly nasty argument with my mother. It was like a pressure release. Like I was bleeding all the sadness and pain and anger away. I began cutting more than 5 times a day, and even stole things from college to do it. I quickly gained a reputation for being unstable. And in July of that year, eight weeks after the self-harming began, I met Jack.

Jack Harrison popped up in my Facebook messages one day, claiming to have stumbled upon me by accident - although he knew one of my friends. We quickly struck up a rapport. He listened to me as told him the same story I have been telling you, saying he himself had a difficult upbringing and also self-harmed on and off. He called me beautiful, and promised to stick around to counsel me as I once again got sent to ANOTHER therapist. A few weeks of regular messaging, however, quickly became sexual in nature. At first he only wanted a handul of pictures - my face was so beautiful he couldn't help but want to see my body. He swore he wouldn't ask again. I felt desparate. I had quickly become reliant on him for my sense of wellbeing. So I did what he asked; he was overwhelmingly complimentary. I felt wanted.

A week or so after he asked for more. And the week after that, ánd the week after that. When I tried to refuse he was crushingly disappointed. I couldn't bear it. So I did what he asked. This went on for 12 months. He'd message me when he wanted fresh pictures. I left class to strip naked, I left the dinner table to pose in the bathroom just the way he wanted. His requests got more and more violent in nature, until he began to encourage me to cut and send him the pictures of my bleeding wrists. He disappeared once I confronted him with the evidence I had found that his identity was stolen. He wasn't 20, and he told me originally. He was 13 years my senior.

That was around a year and a half ago. What I wanted to say is that I actively seek out things and people that will hurt me. Although my grades at university are nearly perfect, I doubt I'll make it through my 30s. I believe I will either kill myself or be killed by another person. The violence and destruction feeds something in me. I wander around late at night in the dodgy parts of my city in tight clothes past groups of drunk men. I still cut myself. I half hope Jack will come back and finish what he started and destroy me completely. I am in so much pain and I see no wait out. I don't know what to do.",4.444374625035866,6.286056116988814,5.290412004069179,79.57951137282524,71.24821973550355,8.41844171427081,29.48964446878994,9.02210325026996,2.574620742363773,4085,166,746,83,78,1330,439,983,0.203,0.7020000000000001,0.096,-0.9989,3,0,2,0,2,3,123.0,3,1,3,7,36,61,19,5,52,1,53,25,9,7,5,104,107,62,3,11,12,8,4,4,4,5,9,3,2,6,35,53,5,6,5,3,2,17,12,39,1,9,54,9,123,22,144,43,18,149,0,10,2,2,100,54,0,9,81,509,158,6,0.0,0.12666709033446386,0.0,0.05827210239608364,0.0,0.0,0.047383219092511926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549333869291996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210111344512293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033945594834992,0.19988687516332648,0.06081096593916216,0.050221234375064365,0.04110236961720107,0.0,0.0,0.05903508714106481,0.04548491134940342,0.18067105126325544,0.11219210325405714,0.0,0.0,0.1187493673842885,0.0,0.0,0.05458190382241439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604537605218775,0.056044879040642925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058716056348201935,0.06894604936727601,0.0,0.1381180203989743,0.054254081752902215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236398780934511,0.0,0.05469617884245982,0.0,0.0,0.047343851772120256,0.0,0.0,0.07061094086635418,0.0,0.0,0.05107701998553454,0.0,0.0,0.050391113804556034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264730445980057,0.0585555933273847,0.0,0.04546743970974893,0.0,0.058608900501853724,0.16519187505275526,0.0,0.027927198348919182,0.05127737761891505,0.09113640713717844,0.0,0.12825471516059375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277417178457275,0.05485861571057261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035828691192152005,0.05647645807668119,0.0,0.106182586086256,0.0,0.0616780535598275,0.05722297651259431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741482137785736,0.0,0.029376593928102906,0.08714332019839614,0.060297770065838814,0.0,0.11615456371824245,0.0,0.0,0.10445853625092963,0.10714871075155684,0.0,0.047304582097104725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050578905065025104,0.035680563477706574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066399429851653,0.0,0.07858880745564283,0.0,0.041226561889847725,0.051625632459666164,0.0,0.05016240035767466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609035760939475,0.17077839810100914,0.1448856447572576,0.16261489540808907,0.17063457771078566,0.0,0.1187073628257692,0.05788482953971594,0.05102732426324527,0.037057861205266704,0.04667345219467695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373543680951354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738895350473604,0.0,0.0456489165318781,0.0,0.08501658758985949,0.0,0.0,0.08519088765412368,0.0,0.27881780028355874,0.0,0.0,0.044217209691786996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115104332084323,0.052866785186191416,0.0,0.11350378735245847,0.0,0.04268795896078726,0.08937888155217996,0.0,0.055881105773632936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050379202419021024,0.0,0.04019030884113711,0.0,0.046720632767569034,0.0,0.0611286281005576,0.06206352411332468,0.07102413534091638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233822162465725,0.0,0.0,0.1532310599566036,0.059388700705773574,0.2540394765914323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616658021053188,0.0,0.0,0.1891692222036872,0.04242882551288328,0.21438548956766396,0.0,0.04806103135556991,0.1486555282505075,0.04823338463465155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721112041448461
suicidewatch,tootiredforthisstuff,2018/03/30,"I'm just exhausted I love my wife more than anything in the entire world.  But I'm just so tired.  Everything is a catastrophe to her.  And I get it.  The recent few months have been rough.  But it seems like no matter what I do I can't seem to make her feel better or even do anything right.  Every little mistake is somehow my fault or it gets taken out on me.  Some files we needed recently were lost because my computer crashed and she's screaming at me right now that I'm a let down.  I don't know how much longer I can do this.  I work 40+ hours a week, I go to school, I spend 10+ hours a week in the gym... all to provide for her, to get an education to get a better job to take better care of her, and to be more attractive for her... I follow her around everywhere while she's working so I can help her... I do most of the cleaning... Honestly... I feel like I'm doing everything and not only do I not get appreciation... I feel like I'm constantly defending myself from her criticism and being told how disappointing I am. 

EDIT:  Now she's screaming at me that she's upset and nothing I'm doing is helping.  I'm trying as hard as I can.  I've been stressed out of my mind nonstop for months.",1.8740209523809528,3.375235564000004,3.9680571428571447,87.81726666666668,77.36,7.161904761904763,23.904761904761905,7.957251820313856,1.17763619047619,921,30,203,15,21,316,135,250,0.147,0.725,0.129,-0.5539,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,0,6,11,19,0,2,10,0,23,3,0,3,1,35,51,17,0,2,8,1,5,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,7,10,0,0,6,1,1,2,5,9,0,0,6,7,38,10,27,42,7,27,0,2,0,1,18,13,0,7,15,136,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967397676122681,0.10641448276486404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286947389250298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171658920212946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187732341482573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917849887533975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895395846747054,0.0,0.1007162227743674,0.0,0.21486673767801506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132655751400215,0.17079645454889064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31226929304436346,0.0,0.06793640395947892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708288958627728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024808402896765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354424081204267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186233758471138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569515569280195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222360706482582,0.0,0.17520121170043473,0.11980883917880923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049023930745698,0.0,0.10788803573283508,0.0,0.07979278260140388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069966563855565,0.0,0.19082875475687505,0.0,0.08787444783670162,0.0886361782427865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470027905173158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909143083261202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23605941582071965,0.0,0.0,0.2041702102094664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097920075967608,0.0,0.21764646425989986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693078590750365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987796894092832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373917584169613,0.0,0.11422402435375673,0.0,0.08115869879088862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177292166539167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405069752320074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VAMPAIABAT,2018/03/30,"Venting to make myself feel better I want to vent. My family isn't the greatest at expressing our emotions so I feel like a complete idiot or that i would be ridiculed/belittled by them if i expressed how much I want to die right now. 

I recall one time in middle school when my family caught me cutting. My older brother called me a retard. 

I moved out my house with my sister after an argument with my parents who can be verbally abusive. I really hate myself. I wish me and my sister were as close as people think we are. She does not trust me and has her internet friends. She does not need me. I wanna talk to someone but it can't be my family. It did not work out with my roommates so we recently moved back. Now I dont have my own space anymore. 

I dont like anything about myself. The fear of humiliation keeps me from opening up. The fear of rejection keeps me from opening up. I'm turning 28 soon and I've never had a bf/gf. Still a virgin. Never kissed anyone.

I have my irl friend, but he is suicidal as well. I'm also not as close to him as I would like to be. I dont tell him everything. I feel like I dont have any close friends. I have trouble letting people in.

My mom made me feel like an idiot today. I got frustrated and been crying on and off. Been trying to sleep to stop crying. I dont wanna go to work tomorrow. I'm sure my family will tell me I'm being dramatic and to get over myself but I'm feeling really down and suicidal. 

I looked up ways to kill myself but it's all intimidating with the failures. I looked up assisted suicide but it only looks like its for the severely ill.
 
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suicidewatch,FateCanterella,2018/03/30,"Sorry just needed to write this somewhere... As the title states, I  just need to put this somewhere, and I figured this would be the best spot. In reality I’m not exactly suicidal, but I feel like I’ve died already.

I’m done

I can’t anymore

I don’t want to anymore.

Honestly thus far my life hasn’t been bad. I got into my dream school half a year ago, and I’m living my life to the fullest.

But it’s too hard.

I can see things being better without me. I can feel things being better without me. Im basically unnecessary and unneeded. All I get is criticism and hate, so what’s the point?

I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. Is this what people call depression? Everyday I feel as if I’m dying a bit more inside.

But I’m too scared to actually die.

Aren’t people so hypocritical? They want to die, but they can’t. Or I guess it’s just me.

My friend tells me I’m just being suicidal, my cousin calls it teenage angst. But what matters if I can’t pull the trigger in the end?

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suicidewatch,telluriann,2018/03/30,"Constantly thinking I'm always headed down the rails of some painful train of thought.. and when I finally arrive at a conclusion.. it's accompanied by a stabbing pain in my stomach.. the truth hurts.. i guess. All I want is to wake up back in time. Or wake up to the life I would've lived had I not slept it all away. Then id never have had the days I made the mistakes that lead me to be in this place. 

",1.9298991596638688,3.3451083764705922,3.3057142857142883,92.99000000000004,77.0,6.739495798319329,23.907563025210084,7.447530270364453,0.7834033613445381,312,10,73,4,7,102,63,85,0.108,0.847,0.045,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,7,0,5,8,5,2,4,16,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,8,1,14,6,3,18,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,3,8,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909644283564641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562511206477455,0.17647322223599585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480106225727708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801009778270027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514087224328705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528228294952731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355357312002641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456871257098069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621043717870034,0.0,0.0,0.20265487322819373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716077289758284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700644235772806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884135883802171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397812192942527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470559068294283,0.0,0.18219931430124733,0.1338247276376134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353664946857917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630319599150344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kobatohanato,2018/03/31,"I'm not particularly good at anything and feel like I should kill myself I've struggled with suicide ideation for several years and sometimes would come close but never actually go through with it. I think about it almost constantly though. One of the driving factors is that while my best skill is art, I'm still not particularly good at it and have no skills in anything else. Failing at that would leave no other career options for me and I'd be basically proving to my family and friends who already have no faith in my choice that they were right all along and I'm a failure.

I really feel like nobody would miss me all that much if I were gone. I study animation (which I wholly regret) and none of my peers like me at all. I live in California and when the wildfires were going on, I was in class and received an alert that one had happened close to my home. I panicked a little and said aloud I might need to stay at a friend's place if something happened, and a fairly popular classmate who'd overheard my situation completely didn't care and told me not to call ahead be rude and imposing on someone else. In the same breath he'd called me wasteful for not finishing my snack. It seems like such a small thing to be fixated on but I feel like my other classmates feel the same way about me. Even my own friends don't really care about my work—they've promoted and commission other friends but just kind of ignore mine and one even admitted she never thought very highly of it. I've abandoned a friend group recently because I found out several guys in that group were stalking and sexually harassing another close friend of mine and nobody else wanted to speak up against it. As a result I don't really have a university life outside of my school or boyfriend anymore and I feel like a loser.

I feel like I'm just such a fundamentally unlikeable and untalented person and with nothing positive to offer the world and there's really nothing left for me and people would move on quickly if I were gone. ",7.069563072586327,7.115368116279073,7.095260747004937,75.52441331923895,64.21963824289405,10.343857176415316,34.903570589617104,10.018931242160765,3.3683188630490966,1619,67,301,32,22,519,199,387,0.162,0.6940000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.6898,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,7,14,31,3,1,16,0,26,3,1,1,6,77,55,33,2,11,13,0,6,7,6,6,1,2,1,2,19,31,1,2,12,1,0,8,13,10,0,3,14,8,40,21,45,30,9,48,1,5,0,0,23,27,0,8,18,206,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.07789900979791717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993456611039737,0.0,0.08809037047366815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370489599314843,0.0,0.0,0.07916629662578048,0.0,0.0,0.131380581098821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866140659081181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377283726740707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630232721925563,0.0,0.16277658317219915,0.0,0.0,0.06876333864962987,0.08369641704481566,0.08626393358948563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000540357092519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544911249413948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525318545661201,0.0,0.2421756290958725,0.2851398286247185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752548070242001,0.370041874569952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073431709598112,0.13390912261596075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904064417500821,0.1411803685560832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434092943571338,0.08007234518339648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831603727912626,0.08312686729170299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452458654212149,0.08673157095736245,0.0,0.056383717025250635,0.2729938825153879,0.08000698131914237,0.07048813613059278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468315041850061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848427848767953,0.058681557677127114,0.05919023258615363,0.1231340160357679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531910858379375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227721722732974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055341545192303034,0.0697012962946014,0.08340155337957794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455523465790204,0.0,0.07881889767577535,0.0,0.0,0.06817127311355904,0.0759331460036518,0.0,0.0,0.08078853548308271,0.0,0.07267091777022702,0.0,0.18036212453828934,0.0,0.0,0.08972817038689716,0.0,0.0,0.0676366136360117,0.061454229941559725,0.07895030869017289,0.0,0.0,0.08508427582567958,0.06374943218956834,0.0,0.0,0.08345184098557358,0.0,0.08731707872750505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303308485535251,0.05114950661822236,0.07842899091140365,0.06337321113865152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627750544372737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586510500326352,0.0470836538640206,0.0633624469467185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811453896377209,0.0,0.0,0.2268254160597116,0.0,0.0,0.05140555699922587
suicidewatch,marianasuserlove,2018/03/31,help i want to now some way to het a voucher to enter in the suicide departament can anybody give me one please,2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,76.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,28.89130434782609,7.1686216300943375,1.5856260869565215,89,4,18,1,2,30,21,23,0.162,0.612,0.227,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203515484740927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937093611601864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969287235103988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810007733092879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793084790989737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258455675027953,0.34781463741817104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_as_shit_,2018/03/31,"[27M] Anyone else have a child? I have a son who's not even 2 years old.... I am bipolar and have gone through depression this bad before, but that was years ago before I had a child.  I thought I was immune to this low of depression due to my responsibility as a dad... i was wrong.  Can anyone here relate to having suicidal thoughts as a parent?  I know his mother and grandparents would take good care of him, but how could I even think about offing myself?  Little dude needs his dad... who's gonna talk to him about sex and porn and shit when he gets older?  I've gotta be there for him especially incase he inherits my bipolar, I owe it to him... I hate myself for even having these thoughts...just wondering if there were other parents on here going through the same thing",2.9048951048951075,4.686440558441562,3.971558441558444,87.6877772227772,75.23376623376623,6.816383616383617,22.235764235764236,7.61054688173877,0.8041834165834163,602,16,125,8,13,195,100,154,0.206,0.728,0.066,-0.9776,4,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,2,0,6,0,15,6,1,1,0,18,30,11,1,4,4,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,1,7,0,0,8,0,20,2,17,17,1,12,0,3,0,2,19,3,1,2,7,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143449004942429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263050351798783,0.16580988378854872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351179693285366,0.0,0.0,0.2754040522332363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499241510038912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920491108065618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27876103214470505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351848767556075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206536849749806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454741764506668,0.0,0.09196945788150243,0.13573198990796215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976969429572044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893534986208057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219218778873545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999194521010413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980918856997249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593772943845329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611208661657814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770114032129703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216730294396803,0.13006962704253586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751001870154646,0.10369158098380823,0.0,0.25694357148095753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549341838934107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495656338434,0.17693135175338565,0.0,0.20842130565943864
suicidewatch,Pikatopher,2018/03/31,"Don't know if I can do this anymore This is the first time I've posted on here, but I really need a place to vent. I feel I am at a breaking point and I don't know what to do.
Be prepared this is a long one.

I am having a hard time finding a reason to live life anymore. From a young age I have always felt that people have taken advantage of my naive nature. When I was 5 til about 8 I was raped by one of my mom's friends. I did not know at the time what had happened to me, but it made me not socialize with other kids at school. I remember the police being there and my parents being upset. I remember thinking this is not something to share with my peers. I kept to myself and found comfort in colorful things, cartoons, Pokemon etc. Anything with a happy or positive vibe to make me feel like I had friends or that there was good in the world.

Fast forward til I was about 13, I started to feel really sad all the time and had no idea why. My parents told me it was my hormones changing, and that I was fine. But it felt really bad to me. Like I shouldn't be alive. I started doing very poorly in school, was picked on, and tried to take my own life. My teacher and parents didn't pay any attention to me and I had no friends still. My parents and teachers eventually met together and decided that it would be best to hold me back a grade to readjust me. I was devastated. I felt like such a loser. The following school year I decided no more, I wanted to make friends and stop being alone. I was instantly popular. I had so many friends, girls chasing after me, was always around people. Then my parents moved me and I had no internet, no phone, no way to contact these people. I had to start all over again and didn't want to. 

Next we are at age 16. I make friends with all of the goth kids in school and realize that we have alot in common. It's nice to find solace in others who have thought or attempted to harm themselves, or had a darker view on life. Alot of them were bisexual, which made me nervous because of the rape incident. But I had started noticing boys and liked them, 

I came out as bi, later gay. I felt so disgusted with myself because I didn't know if this was how I was supposed to be or if I was like this because of the rape. To this day I have some trouble knowing.

High school goes well, make lots of friends with the goth kids, until age 17. A girl I had been friends with wanted me to be her boyfriend.  She was obsessed with me but I told her that I was gay and not interested and would still love to be her friend. She then proceeds to drug me. It left me in a coma for 3 months. I wake up from the coma scared and confused. I develop an anxiety disorder. I become afraid of people, afraid to socialize even more. Start having lots of panic attacks.

I nearly fail school yet again because of this. I was never offered any consuling, never any help. Then again I didn't really want it. I am afraid of taking too many drugs and becoming a zombie. I dunno I'm afraid of drugs after being drugged. Get forced to go to therapy after telling my parents that I was gonna shoot myself. Go to therapist, get prescribed Zoloft 25mgs. Works pretty well helps take away the panic attacks at least. 

Meet an older guy, he's 10 years older than me but looks around my age. Move in with him right out of high school. He makes me feel good about myself, calms me down during my panic attacks, seems over all good for me. Ends up leaving me because we had been dating 5 years and he couldn't marry a guy and couldn't deal with my anxiety. I'm devastated. Jumped so quickly into things that I didn't go to  college, no money saved, etc. Was homeless for a few days. My friends take me in and I live on their couch. 

Start dating another guy, he leaves me because he can't handle my anxiety problems. Start to really see a pattern and realize people don't wanna deal with people with mental illness. 

Start seeing my husband at the time. Our relationship starts out really good. He quickly moved in with me. Fast forward 2 years and he asks me to marry him. Finally I feel safe and secure. I feel like no one else can harm me. I feel like I don't have to worry about drugs or rape or being alone. I was wrong. He becomes extremely abusive. Gives me black eyes, chokes me, had a seizure, put a gun to my head and said he was gonna kill me, wouldn't let me see my friends or family. Controlled every aspect of my life. I felt alone and hopeless but at least I had a place to live until he decided to kill me. He ends up asking for a divorce. I'm devastated yet again.

There's a guy who came into my life almost a year ago. Says he's straight, but always initiated things. Fall madly in love with him. First person in my life who has ever had faith or believed in me. Go to visit him for a month. We have a sexual relationship. Leave. Tells me that it was a mistake. Too embarrassed to even let people know I exist. 

***Long story short***
Right now with being rejected by someone I had grown to love and going through a divorce and being forced to socialize after being isolated by my ex husband and having to be out on my own for basically the first time, getting a job and having to know that I need this to survive, wondering if I'll be stuck doing the same thing over and over again. Losing that job and being homeless. Been having lots of thoughts about hurting myself again. I am tired of all the things life has given me. I feel alone and am sick of it. I feel like I'm forced to start all over yet again and don't know if I want to. I have this view on the world that it's suppose to be a good experience but it's never happened. I'm 26 years old with nothing to show. No-one to care about me. I don't feel that I have any reason or any right to be alive. I just wish I wasn't such a coward and would just do it. I'm sorry for the long rant I just needed a place to express myself without judgement. Whenever I try and talk to someone they usually end up not understanding or leaving or i end up attacking them because I feel vulnerable.  I dunno what to do anymore. 

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suicidewatch,anubis2019,2018/03/31,"i go extremely depressed everywhile Im 19. ive always hated school still does with college. I really hate how i got bullied and abused as a kid and learnt nothing but being dumb and getting lowest grades possible because i cant memorize. i always got really bad bad grades.. i failed subjects when i was 6-8 yrs old. i was always the worst student in my class. as you probably can tell im still very bad at college and failed 2 subjects. im even in a college i dont like because i couldnt memorize stupid shit to choose my subjects.
My parents are always sad everytime they see my results. Every single year. Never ever was good. my entire education career was just failure. i feel like a loser every now and then. most people i knew at my age have a bright future. i really hate doing that to my parents. I always try to get better grades but i just cant. I already accepted how bad i am since high school. I just hate how embrassed i am infront of my family members. I cant get over it.",1.0585666666666675,3.5213427900000016,3.4720000000000013,85.01266666666669,86.1,5.933333333333334,23.333333333333336,7.333567415737692,1.3344833333333337,778,30,146,13,24,268,114,200,0.353,0.569,0.078,-0.997,3,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,1,4,12,23,7,0,5,0,17,1,1,4,2,25,30,14,0,1,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,17,0,0,7,3,31,6,12,21,3,18,0,5,2,0,6,6,2,1,13,90,33,13,0.0,0.11749454011440755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943125825725396,0.0,0.4125669297690854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311951817874683,0.12090036454988308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770355614371204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854108368924114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678013014999703,0.0,0.1162208696520306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549767585433049,0.08970059592644979,0.16710190699978447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348412009284428,0.0,0.05014090202425547,0.07084363491237199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542916402480844,0.0,0.05635786541443765,0.08317506045890563,0.15862293023923918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916203981554647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477347275426957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213462813471755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968942102121359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648231149788846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515167882085104,0.0,0.1040571904630763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220222426623674,0.0,0.0,0.0687486599469426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117938571871314,0.0,0.0,0.1069168521368264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058328899649665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072094243983746,0.07902182121993552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179164732394727,0.08203047380595427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838690517881887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667475105625083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732665783128489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182167105209072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385913413228071
suicidewatch,ineedhelp717,2018/03/31,"I have no reason to hurt I have a life and people that love me. I have a family and my SO. It doesn’t fucking matter because I still hurt. I don’t know how to make it stop. I shouldn’t be depressed and shouldn’t be writing this at all, but here I am. I’ve browsed through post after post here and everybody has reasons to hurt. They belong here but I don’t. I have no reason to hurt. Every single little bad thing that happens is just amplified and it gets worse and worse until it’s like a constant screaming and screeching inside of my head. I’m begging for it to stop.

I’m so fucking tired. I work and I work and I never get anywhere in life. I’m a corporate slave, wasting away hour after hour fixing people’s insignificant computer problems that they think is the end of their world. They think it’s my fault. 
Maybe they are like me. Just fucking minutes from snapping and finally saying goodbye to this miserable excuse of an existence.
I feel like an inconvenience to anybody I try to talk to. My girlfriend keeps giving solutions to my problems but sometimes I don’t want solutions. Sometimes I just want to cry and yell and scream because I hurt. 

Why am I like this? I have no reason to hurt.
",1.697444444444443,4.194035966666668,3.069166666666668,88.89027777777781,83.08333333333334,5.555555555555557,24.305555555555557,6.937597516519254,1.0576388888888886,952,37,185,12,27,309,119,240,0.318,0.5820000000000001,0.099,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,5,2,10,22,3,1,7,0,19,8,1,6,2,41,38,19,0,6,6,0,1,4,1,2,3,4,0,0,13,12,0,3,8,0,0,0,10,17,0,0,0,5,31,5,24,34,2,19,0,8,0,4,12,5,3,0,16,125,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399394248728086,0.0,0.07464499881261777,0.10899443065041048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660929457211924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820135090983603,0.0,0.0,0.07699981363267493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918158150346584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532308641850563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427806220691843,0.0,0.045203164513014066,0.06386714946003028,0.0,0.09793297993270708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479456915746017,0.09341528622859528,0.08576031951855452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905584203093567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174986378298818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608135377719294,0.0,0.5742252405332732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946254350639176,0.0,0.0,0.049131726282188135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629127609890006,0.17470467214407015,0.08960196578641964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068670185569515,0.0,0.05967498079155725,0.0,0.08981399498216656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895054475290875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239569636831659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124036272186227,0.0,0.0,0.1710868406884823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676710433236048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109421400475466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683713949576546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139470015958116,0.14948427154547952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185607661509755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939317515058725,0.11456741065424145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275178126581824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069651456582802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546049539839884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806693062283901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016806398817587,0.0,0.18221182368190145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,selinaishere,2018/03/31,"I just need a little bit of empathy and someone to listen to me I feel alone. It's a painful empty feeling in my chest and I've already been trough so much pain. I feel like everybody lets me down. From my dad who abused me in pretty much anyway possible. The police not looking for evidence of said abuse, because they wouldn't believe my mom. Then my mother and brother telling me to shut up when I would cry. Telling me I was overdoing it. Now my boyfriend telling me suddenly he can't be there for me, though he might sometime in the future. 

I just can't take being hurt anymore. I just need to get away. Or I guess, be supported. But it seems like an endless chase for empathy I either don't deserve or don't know how to ask for. I'm in therapy, but it's not enough. I can't trust anymore. ",1.285785509325681,3.468485103658537,2.8504017216642765,91.80908895265426,82.10975609756099,6.053945480631278,25.50071736011477,7.285733465282438,1.2042077474892392,623,26,133,9,17,204,100,164,0.09,0.825,0.086,-0.1685,0,1,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,5,0,14,3,1,1,0,25,30,12,0,4,10,4,3,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,6,23,4,19,20,5,14,0,1,1,0,14,9,0,5,7,90,28,0,0.0,0.3144548609957549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743685613903744,0.14643740496523608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632048651004993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405629469025906,0.0,0.12467572463176164,0.0,0.0,0.08089249783830534,0.0,0.0,0.1495071060181713,0.0,0.0,0.14487368985424462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457643756435854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711425007073774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129084756899626,0.09480068327903626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933010975164773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618366649848516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205776005052306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292827786442765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356944211682372,0.0,0.1296607288044292,0.13299994835394027,0.0,0.0,0.111434316246597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077339810113296,0.0,0.1554162702098567,0.0,0.0,0.19509907789807696,0.1967902737290909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824036470900938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959895918452115,0.0,0.13500328860679062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622779075432505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208048116666182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243601460904858,0.0,0.13124338407963815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058603283540706,0.0,0.0,0.09977365033526506,0.0,0.3479561276042589,0.0,0.15175365757171755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303767692354194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942660506742702,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoofusMcGillicutyEsq,2018/03/31,"I’m trying to understand what’s happening. TLDR: I’ve always had suicidal thoughts, but they waned for a significant period and have now resurged. I’m debating whether to carry through. 

So long story short: my first suicidal thoughts started when I was 14. Attempted 3 times (pills twice, a very frozen train tracks / laying outside for 12 hours once). Several “semi-attempts,” usually involving a firearm. I’ve always felt that I’ve been living on borrowed time since my last failed attempt ( I woke up 3 states away with a nurse explaining to me I was lucky to be alive. No one came for me; a cop found me on the side of the road and transported me to the nearest hospital). 

Recently underwent a major life change and I’m almost completely unanchored from everyone. The suicidal thoughts have returned in force for the last 6 months or so. I don’t completely understand why. 

Yet, I’ve developed a plan, know how to implement it, and have set a date. I’m convinced that the few invested in me will be lightened and unburdened by my departure, and have no desire to leave any explanation except for a brief and concise statement that this choice was no one’s but my own. I have no desire to hurt anyone on my way out. 

There is no need for retribution. I’m just tired of living. 

I don’t know why I’m writing this, TBH. I guess that I’m just seeking the advice of those who have dealt with these types of feelings before. What advice, I don’t know. 

So the plan is to drive out to a remote part of the desert this Wednesday, taking a shotgun loaded with deer slugs. Brace it so that it’s over my heart (bought a stethoscope to pin point its location), brace it against the car and push the trigger so that my entire body weight is against the barrel. I have long arms so this would work (already tried a dry fire). 

Attached via safety pin to my shirt is a ziplock bag, containing my drivers license and the aforementioned note. The idea is to call 311 to request the county coroner to retrieve a body and to investigate a potential suicide, but not to substantially damages vehicle so it can be sold to somewhat satisfy the loan. 

After 311 is called, I have a point where I can see any vehicle approaching for at least 5 miles. So as soon as I see a vehicle, I push the trigger, which obliterates my heart and renders survival impossible. By the time any responding unit arrives, I’m beyond rescue. If I was in a hospital with a team of surgeons standing by, maybe they could bypass everything in time to save me. 30 minutes from the nearest hospital with only a cop (at best) responding, no way. Only brain death occurs.

And yet I don’t want a cop to roll up on my body with its valiant but futile attempts to stay alive. Cops have to deal with enough BS and I don’t want to add the memory of my lifeless body to their grim mental album. But it’s the best plan I’ve recently devised. 

Anyway, if you’ve reached this far, I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Maybe it’s a confession. Maybe it’s a request for better ideas. But it’s here. And maybe I get banned. ",4.315048992420042,5.786966188019973,5.0509462007764885,82.63751377334077,70.98003327787022,8.603453503420226,30.160880014790173,9.090341537353329,2.5526412349787395,2433,101,471,49,45,786,292,601,0.12,0.782,0.097,-0.9607,1,0,0,2,0,1,75.0,0,0,3,14,23,10,0,0,46,0,35,14,9,3,0,75,71,36,5,9,14,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,30,25,1,2,17,1,5,8,13,4,0,4,15,6,39,6,76,50,9,66,1,4,2,0,18,27,0,7,25,289,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405255508680699,0.0,0.0,0.07200046404252812,0.0,0.07934674397334758,0.0,0.11965810526020412,0.0,0.0,0.14668950864276412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027624657162277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755523156393314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061184153617689335,0.0,0.15091551630072442,0.06359235675174135,0.0,0.31947207636534314,0.0,0.08026752318949515,0.14684199613199198,0.08223787214996685,0.0,0.0,0.07606383568093897,0.0,0.15077784641004868,0.0,0.0,0.057408691438017516,0.0,0.0789820647079355,0.0,0.07412883153830277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742950156624475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870639393187962,0.06462177639636812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036356315177867166,0.0,0.0690381519738033,0.0,0.0,0.06116065159354861,0.0,0.07883792372646499,0.0,0.0,0.03756634767881905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920925641569622,0.0,0.06358358182425247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041079271715995,0.04819506251165055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080996722061468,0.0,0.07697364426003044,0.16233946065035054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806402451613025,0.11722107687133247,0.0,0.07613489070085755,0.0,0.0,0.050787212438907416,0.0,0.0,0.1269833254336118,0.12726377745871167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611811190801632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246130811709017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057392285344675366,0.0,0.0,0.05331516039134282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765743439894389,0.09744666179218887,0.10937093693273192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778639376800323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594314448350406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199106804779918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145947568638184,0.0,0.0,0.08122991900974323,0.0,0.05947890124586035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050893310591252815,0.07663902664725349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31460082880968165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406210448975105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124884134153734,0.1677088605862093,0.08264191644617816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763482877920794,0.0,0.0,0.14970710908550766,0.0,0.0,0.0791909916215113,0.059327501920698675,0.08482049986598479,0.11414650269654472,0.0,0.08755847824446368,0.0,0.0,0.1946438100528248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052346237386593004,0.0,0.0,0.05107782530020654,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nickblueberg,2018/03/31,"I am an embarrassment Chances are I am going to be kicked out one of the world's top 10 universities. I already took a year off to get medical attention for my severe sleep problems and chronic headaches, but I couldn't find a solution. I am on benzodiazepinas and they have no effect. I just feel like a useless parasite in a foreign country.
I also have autism and no friends and acquired a deep internalised shame due to being treated like trash everywhere I go. 
I don't even know how to relieve the headaches since no painkiller works. And because I face this alone I feel that I have no mouth yet I must scream",4.032857142857143,6.072252663865548,4.4207478991596645,84.56322268907564,72.78151260504202,7.785210084033612,32.068067226890754,8.548686976883017,2.5834194957983194,493,24,95,9,10,155,84,119,0.257,0.614,0.128,-0.9415,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,4,5,10,0,2,8,0,12,5,3,2,1,18,19,8,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,1,3,15,5,10,14,0,13,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25078501863207386,0.2672085811937322,0.1936400459230191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760688760991095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993182674898546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448674995252028,0.17298555707949964,0.0,0.0,0.22131245948032016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870775124727594,0.0,0.1265086626271578,0.0,0.2752285863532222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307434437043025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365956934882983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439315523714321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408098767293194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316962060753188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27355037298526125,0.0,0.2003015122864648,0.0,0.2423158409336799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690275267709669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762815097693252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593084553257294
suicidewatch,sampras6,2018/03/31,"Want to commit suicide asap I'm gonna be 27 in a 2 weeks. As there is a long list of famous people who died at that age, club 27 I may start my own club, club 26. I have absolutely nothing left, my tank feels empty. Wasted many years due to addiction, I feel there are so many experiences/opportunities 
in life I missed. I've always felt like an outsider, someone looking at life through a glass pane, an observer watching from the sidelines but not knowing how to participate. I've wrote so many depressing posts on reddit, I sometimes find short bursts of hope but I always end up here. I just don't want to live a life of torment til 80. Tbh I always say I'm gonna end it but I always chicken out. Guess writing here is some sort of catharsis.",3.171401766004416,4.705323,4.477764900662255,85.37152593818986,73.96688741721856,6.887637969094922,26.490618101545248,7.492282038375204,1.3310525386313472,587,21,120,7,12,194,104,151,0.108,0.833,0.059,-0.7141,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,7,4,0,1,1,22,23,8,2,3,5,0,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,11,2,19,17,2,19,0,2,2,0,4,9,0,5,10,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617034626318138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768023631872858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233863099948987,0.0,0.1486772639586198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537648521561381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486922516358824,0.0,0.13754836724019276,0.0,0.13093352358368862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578127973996603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142285678346532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872983223775082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564822350691296,0.0,0.30355816086893217,0.06998771755980591,0.0,0.12649780288695298,0.12677718259975534,0.12029908398402445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43571774611233133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745813724215686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993157751004428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719978972437802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139230384359255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213804689603055,0.0,0.14168399300629367,0.0,0.10139743859208618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669897403830815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899237496232866,0.0,0.11491144051062728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225226220387814
suicidewatch,depressedbae,2018/03/31,"I am dealing with severe depression for years now,when will it end, or will it end me? it’s  haunting me everyday. And doesn’t end.",0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,84.55555555555556,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.3201703703703702,102,4,22,2,3,34,21,27,0.29600000000000004,0.7040000000000001,0.0,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31731660171999737,0.26509792871372445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8178282099090012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477135862426745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982058109235507
suicidewatch,gamosgamer,2018/03/31,"I'm a coward I tried to end it today. I wrote a note for my family. Texted a close friend goodbye. Skipped work. Took a knife and sat in the bathtub.  
All I had to do was jam that thing in my neck and it would've been over. But no, I couldn't do it. Bloody thing was too blunt and I was afraid it would hurt too much. So now here I am. My family won't be coming back home until monday, so I got a whole day left of figuring out whether to try again or to give up. Of course I haven't responded to my friend who is probably worried sick. God I should've just ended it when I was in the tub.",-0.5720392584514684,1.2351580610687058,1.5707360959651029,100.46727099236642,86.70992366412213,5.269574700109051,15.46401308615049,6.5431188927421005,-0.7004093784078513,450,8,117,5,14,150,87,131,0.112,0.802,0.087,-0.4929,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,7,0,15,2,1,0,1,15,22,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,10,0,14,2,15,8,3,20,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,10,80,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533262071518313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281044708137862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189212125511208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348033759062843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35635281849581474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920484675927894,0.0,0.0,0.18131012255897466,0.0,0.0,0.15116398435552214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895866980018054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233298515758466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535369749261725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389398890232069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377857525865886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511320836063304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915395273631712,0.0,0.20999070357315008,0.2566429919247659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101652298313045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375973630197035,0.19194301545490824,0.0,0.26852642791436165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PSSGCSim,2018/03/31,"Is a psychiatry just a big scam? From my personal experience the people that are supposed to help you don't care at all. I've been to 4 shrinks and none gave a damn even in a slightest. All they do is collect paycheck for each tortured soul that came thru. I haven't sensed empathy or actual interest in how to help from any of them. I finally gave up and asked for medication - my idea, not theirs. Currently I'm heavily medicated which helps but I still don't have any reason to keep going. I have no friends and I'm not even remotely close to my family... So I'm thinking why not just take the step and quit this misery once and for all?",2.739398601398605,4.4913869538461615,4.449860139860142,84.20877622377624,75.61538461538461,8.727272727272727,26.433566433566433,9.339509955726095,2.2401538461538464,504,19,107,13,11,170,86,130,0.119,0.7809999999999999,0.101,-0.6605,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,3,1,7,5,2,0,6,0,10,2,0,2,3,23,22,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,4,0,11,3,16,18,5,12,1,0,0,0,12,6,1,1,3,70,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.18154108911152286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530172438384167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739154709855842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127718602002464,0.18967274595397707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245745700461284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197568695013647,0.17537508220380535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378974025285806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372841002850764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572667603943732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37408141170181697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000828525506607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535442005467613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748167667478121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811876436364045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897165719292472,0.16243658648078504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786868596881388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912726092601796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485659622626532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987344562670642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920224869453235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678655849536903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Magicalasscrack69,2018/03/31,"Hello. I'll just go straight to the point because i'm really bad at writing.

I'm underage and still live with my parents. I don't necessarily want to kill myself but that's my last resort. What i want is to go to another family, that gives me more freedom. I really don't like my parents but reporting them to kid abuse isn't quite right because they aren't really abusing anyone. But i'm not happy, they limited my social interactions to a minimum from the start. Because of that i didn't socialise  quite well so i was bullied a lot. Running away is a bad idea too, authorities would catch me in an instant plus nobuddy would adopt me. Is there a way to move to another family? If not, how much sleeping pills would be enough for overdose? 180cm tall, 74 kg. 
I just wanna say that i'm not that bad of a child (at least i think) and have seen many worse. I know that i sound like an edgy 13 year old but i really feel bad.",2.105814241486065,3.9572400210526304,4.0467182662538725,85.95614551083591,77.73684210526315,7.628482972136222,24.3343653250774,8.4952907291091,1.5947058823529408,724,25,153,15,17,246,115,190,0.247,0.68,0.07200000000000001,-0.9906,2,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,3,3,8,9,1,0,9,0,14,2,1,1,0,28,28,10,1,7,10,2,1,2,0,3,1,2,0,2,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,5,8,5,1,0,3,4,21,4,19,21,5,19,0,0,1,0,13,8,0,2,7,93,28,1,0.0,0.2745021111817953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429359688081797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099778411040003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883517435909744,0.0,0.386885111960834,0.2118443457837028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196933353115958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184066451298152,0.0,0.058572013000840376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112395788907266,0.1316686973105195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233134727576422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076887678581792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815942140027292,0.0,0.06366244800683248,0.09442478431725077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318681378141113,0.0,0.1022885426066958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984827369919944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744323411301855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231192267541636,0.08515547923644064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155423749030027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572524688335018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950592197129856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24641947610591544,0.0,0.0,0.2968394113438096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892643723065543,0.0,0.09212034758699596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592331863556495,0.11808394596764635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819919080089112,0.0,0.09250970260575804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422537712355183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366504662692742,0.0919481307062249,0.0,0.0,0.10415376667959084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805051062885795,0.2468675139024796,0.0,0.0,0.07459694348555937
suicidewatch,CreativeUsername000,2018/03/31,"How to help your SO through mental illness I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place for this post, but I don’t know where else to go.

My SO suffers from depression and anxiety. We’ve been best friends for 10 years before we dated and he has never really expressed to me when he’s feeling which things, so I don’t expect him to start doing it now. He’s more open about his anxiety since we started dating, but I have no idea how he feels about the other stuff.

He’s been suicidal for quite a few years and I have no idea how he feels now. He says he would never leave me like that, but I know it’s much more complicated than that and therefore do not find that believable or comforting in the slightest.

The fear and worry has pretty much consumed my life. I don’t know how to help him, how to believe him, how to support him, or how to know he’s okay. I feel helpless. I feel useless.

I’ve considered calling the suicide hotline just to get some insight of what to do when you’re the person on the other side of the situation.

Does anyone else feel this way with their SO? Does anyone have any advice of what I can do to be the best GF to him I can be? I’m at a loss.",1.9268989547038304,3.5197282520325217,3.416782810685252,91.43036585365856,77.45528455284554,6.311730545876888,22.68989547038328,7.07126945348624,0.5953358885017428,914,27,203,10,21,301,130,246,0.205,0.664,0.13,-0.9743,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,1,1,4,19,13,0,1,11,1,20,2,0,8,2,44,37,24,2,3,8,0,6,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,15,9,0,0,14,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,7,24,7,27,32,8,23,0,5,0,0,27,8,0,4,13,138,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937949147335248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611818045761136,0.0,0.17125665701455792,0.0,0.0,0.156532111042377,0.11468843863983308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524661625718568,0.2522199967408066,0.23493325343956925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429596087424948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640760490211657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195906393269365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870110766447524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259555822466178,0.33957969136019417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230460259829556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647904692553121,0.0,0.05848029742972561,0.0,0.06361402158892213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005246793872756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527171399408234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460614815598525,0.0,0.0,0.11852073273218902,0.0,0.0,0.07906148647845701,0.05468473952082413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280199201328475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164567056717714,0.0,0.17265903806040706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977354524544501,0.11694601088198653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720073500008367,0.11387595519461248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905437050055932,0.0,0.0,0.0717070537925015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559004747901133,0.0,0.08901349978967221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259201520972926,0.12581722000703482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252996682740686,0.15845330325992618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813634048015096,0.2448727541698397,0.12702007858523168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436321587887858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884709108972874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136732486725282,0.0,0.07951388942992249,0.0,0.0,0.14416217887131325
suicidewatch,gretewq3rt,2018/03/31,"second post i posted last night, but they never published it.  its okay.  it needed to be said, not read.  i havent slept in 2 weeks, and when i wrote it i was very very very drunk trying to sleep.

i realized i forgot to tell someone it isnt their fault at all.  my brain doesnt work normally, and all my tries at getting medical help led to a psychiatrist who told me they didnt have time to review my mental health record, medicine is a placebo, and they would reccomend one of the medications that had previously resulted in a suicide attempt.  i begged them to speak to my team, but they told me i was a drug addict, and if i didnt want to try the medication they were pushing on me, i could leave.

Im done trying.  I just need to tell that person it isnt their fault, but i cant access hangouts because i left my phone, knowing they would use it to track me. I gave myself until this age, and now the time is here and I just need to sleep.  my neurology is all wrong.   my brain never shuts off.  never.  and the one new medication that actually helped me is completely denied to me, on all the many times i tried.

today, i reached out to my old doctor, and someone was going to send it to me.  i asked if they could fax it, but the pharmacy aid the doctor had to do it from his office.  they were closed when the person got back.  I told them it was going to be okay, that we did our damndest.

I didnt tell them they gave me the happiest moments of my life.  For 5 years i finally had a place to say i belonged in.  i was loved and cherished, but my brain doesnt shut off.  i can manage with my meds, but i havent had them in 3 months, and now, these past two weeks, nothing works.  nothing works.  no one wants to waste their time looking into my history, and i cant go through the pain of them playing with my meds again.

i just wish i could access hangouts and let them know it isnt their fault at all.  my brain was never wired right, and this has always been inevitable.  i told them this often, but people dont believe honest people when they say that.

and now im almost to my destination, and i cant even tell them it isnt their fault for breaking up with me.  i cant sleep.  i cant do this all over again, after the 7 years of hard fight every day just to try and seek help so i can try.

im exhausted.  i just wanted to tell them that, and now i cant even do that.  thank you for reading, and i hope he comes across this and knows its me.  i just needed to sleep.  i just want to sleep.",2.6922497221941626,3.5968903761996174,4.003170522274978,90.78177164360036,74.22072936660268,6.942943731690072,22.53970097989696,7.1686216300943375,0.5065938579654508,1910,46,440,19,38,629,218,521,0.08199999999999999,0.8109999999999999,0.107,0.9148,0,0,1,0,1,1,64.0,2,1,24,5,23,16,1,0,16,2,52,25,10,3,10,81,86,33,1,18,17,0,1,0,0,2,13,4,0,2,28,27,1,1,4,7,0,7,24,8,0,5,29,6,92,8,54,49,6,67,0,0,1,1,57,22,0,5,35,309,120,12,0.0,0.0,0.059406792591632514,0.06636449373987703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095913416796064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050654218620954164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569114152827945,0.0,0.0,0.04681035759811849,0.0,0.03710981816144664,0.0,0.0,0.06858709604033526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718337322130692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243981159277808,0.0638279703547282,0.0,0.0,0.1458150653741654,0.0,0.0,0.03926037909635604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461958564456793,0.0,0.06229791086143738,0.07134693688326382,0.0,0.07059754386889099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041685730231916,0.0,0.051291171918959835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668735375971571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031805517628341363,0.0,0.10379274596649278,0.0,0.04868858848630903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453348773467481,0.0,0.0,0.06470899274843021,0.0,0.0,0.1224129311227338,0.0,0.0,0.06046421254640446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727156509491744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036858309602648,0.049622564571887164,0.0,0.0644595431267672,0.06614261799189458,0.06225046116317987,0.04299895199635674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112102263330217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494351988525993,0.0,0.0,0.06171933047497381,0.0,0.0,0.1352403864686822,0.2453071316364626,0.061349307427887724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859113158583889,0.0,0.0,0.18055694827536226,0.18780718703839544,0.058795012043652825,0.0,0.05712857727161466,0.059646155271278624,0.1168255037755904,0.0,0.06387976464508544,0.0,0.1237547051134536,0.0,0.06477700820038296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581136153045065,0.08440835654954648,0.10631022045294396,0.06360310350919285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660593453422555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178617386637428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198829475587273,0.057907599431253634,0.0968230519047161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304602886094697,0.0,0.1031611130436311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658913379167025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660442144125226,0.05604700608801291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419905700551033,0.0,0.05770391087310309,0.2326808495798769,0.0,0.28931856858946664,0.0,0.059467605043652665,0.0,0.0,0.052577847673113784,0.0,0.1506887433655001,0.1436264140872751,0.0,0.097663093626702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000510043330416,0.0,0.0,0.13295669759096718,0.0,0.0,0.08648999827678376,0.06655901958854127,0.0,0.07840508552374452
suicidewatch,throwaway5556712,2018/03/31,"I am a worthless, talentless,sack of shit and I want to die Title pretty much says it all. I am so below average in everything I do and no matter how hard I try I will never reach any goal I set. I’m a fucking failure compared towards my siblings who were valedictorians. I thought I was actually good at one thing, because I invested all my time into it, but in reality I am just average in the sport too. Also, My family and friends are at times SO FUCKING TOXIC and I just wanna end it.  I wanna bite down on the nozzle of a gun till my teeth crack and then just fucking die. ",3.8184243697478975,4.444865831932777,6.1759558823529455,77.27805147058824,71.35294117647058,8.975210084033613,30.841386554621852,9.188382445141503,2.6732764705882355,450,19,90,9,8,161,79,119,0.179,0.733,0.08800000000000001,-0.8715,0,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,4,0,5,0,8,5,2,1,3,19,14,12,2,3,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,3,2,17,2,16,10,3,17,0,1,0,3,3,10,4,0,6,72,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.1893306910784761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551537566092463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193687959333206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826976700460508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027139589585941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183973785794135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743682069099783,0.0,0.1829001118925395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989553787237192,0.5380913317741779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627306097494844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379936652529945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262337733680655,0.0,0.14963635874061798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146961158918272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738304434975376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428854622281932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915364948384387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889497095964142,0.0,0.0,0.15402626929237148,0.2262634589613074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172347601349785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443509677080813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sh0rtwizard,2018/03/31,I really want to do it But I can’t work up the courage to step off the chair. ,-2.054210526315792,-0.656769842105259,1.157105263157895,103.68723684210528,89.52631578947368,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.6834421052631576,59,1,18,1,2,21,16,19,0.0,0.745,0.255,0.5849,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644120501128324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196558601619391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6414022331476441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YrLove,2018/03/31,"Lonely and Running Out of Hope I've been depressed for several years now, and suicidal ideation isn't new for me. Recently though it's moved past ideation into thoughts that have the same theme: you aren't making it through this, and the few people who do care about you are going to be relieved if you just shut up and end it.

Over and over I tell myself my life is no longer worth living. I have a chronic illness that is painful and will most likely end in my death - not quickly or swiftly but agonizing pain that slowly ends in my loss of independent function entirely.

Because of the nature of this, because of practical matters of day to day life, all of my friendships are a pale imitation of what they once were. My family tries to help, but they lose patience quickly now and have lives of their own.

I did try talking to one of my parents about my mental state, and clearly said I was thinking of killing myself. Any response that would've helped (""I love you, please don't think that way, how can we help, let's get you some help ASAP, we care, you'd be sorely missed, talk to me."") remained unsaid, probably because they aren't true. Any of those things would've helped. A fucking hug would've helped. Anything indicating empathy, sympathy, love, caring, concern - **anything** would've helped. The response I did get was so ludicrous that it deepened my dismal hopelessness.

I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. Part of me doesn't want to die, but it's an increasingly small part. The life I have? What's it worth? Endless pain and suffering with no one to confide in? Not much. Not much of anything.",3.9511229285184255,5.944597450160774,4.251848874598071,85.88374907247095,72.89067524115757,7.099727924808311,29.003339104625287,7.882392219407189,1.8791814494187484,1281,53,245,18,26,400,170,311,0.192,0.64,0.168,-0.8409,1,2,0,0,0,3,50.0,2,6,4,2,10,22,2,0,9,0,29,13,0,3,3,39,47,17,4,3,9,1,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,0,20,14,0,0,4,0,2,4,12,12,0,2,8,1,34,10,36,34,11,29,0,7,0,4,27,10,1,5,14,166,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170218755593575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874248638463741,0.0,0.0,0.2209091480774998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364290345379726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736997813131113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541747789536135,0.0,0.07707105150884301,0.0,0.09286859351918687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377645136539247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843560336964057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272502778557689,0.09350171119871667,0.0,0.050854904439772364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198471193270226,0.0,0.0,0.08887620389384866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899900677222977,0.0,0.04917718145496959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150180653686328,0.1896121753963336,0.043716575892910385,0.0,0.15802917977624745,0.0,0.0,0.10010790585912506,0.0,0.0,0.1615227014565154,0.0,0.059730190261442974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017720277962324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510561947029184,0.13155970545920248,0.0,0.0,0.0864226499985025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529582511116212,0.12127116676436367,0.0,0.28564671626372284,0.0,0.09935960472495718,0.1938014170554608,0.08542106653333302,0.062035822440296325,0.0,0.0,0.09822479331767256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647715112053684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057324710452047824,0.0,0.08835306502851921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511824428550273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108963070991464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787921123493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438451113257107,0.07821155307946605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059448123902499685,0.11467340492394212,0.08791599398688524,0.07103902249219418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150533825513266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277903211410498,0.07102695623171752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542628903246392,0.0,0.0,0.05762372545557394
suicidewatch,hannahmort,2018/03/31,"i don't think people will read this but goodbye. I'm sorry to post here but I have no one to talk to. I'm a loner in my late 20's and have no one to talk to about this. I tried to kill myself in January and that didn't pan out. I really tried to improve my life in the months since but nothing has worked. I am so ashamed of my life. When I was little I imagined I would be married, no kids, making money off of my art and travelling/having adventures with my husband. Fast forward to now and I'm a shy, struggling artist who has never had sex (this is something I'm really ashamed of, and would never reveal to anyone. I'm only typing it here because I'll be dead soon.) I'm so ashamed of my personality, I see girls who are bubbly, extroverted, take charge and I am nothing like that. Additionally I have been battling an eating disorder that I was getting under control and I fucked that all up recently, all my progress. I self harm to cope with all of this and feel so useless. I know now I will never find a husband because no man would ever want to marry a virgin or someone who is shy or has such mental problems. All of my friends moved on in their life and left me behind because I'm single so they act like I cannot understand their new life. I have nothing and no one. I wanted to at least put this out in the universe so at least someone somewhere knows why I decided to do this.

best wishes,
hannah",2.2499315068493138,3.936980952054796,3.9980767123287677,87.2017178082192,76.80821917808218,6.315835616438356,25.036164383561644,7.087006719466742,1.0409096986301372,1106,39,229,12,25,372,153,292,0.258,0.667,0.076,-0.9964,0,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,3,4,14,15,3,4,7,0,27,8,0,2,8,46,47,21,2,7,5,2,1,2,1,5,4,0,0,5,14,15,1,1,9,3,1,4,11,10,0,3,5,2,33,5,36,35,8,33,0,1,1,3,16,16,1,2,16,164,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791588636679779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203783846123912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694107079296955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124980529091268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771079328994192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140228150930884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079667669905593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634339703698275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184688288898397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609213213171961,0.10301714267500774,0.058218651481643575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328306291747144,0.0,0.12248029052181522,0.0,0.1257002158513766,0.0,0.1210712578223306,0.0,0.3148310339865218,0.10888015045932564,0.11168419706865698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438176446573821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122973060687352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889440061297365,0.118434643449878,0.0,0.0,0.2578298197116872,0.10762177666865927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207661969829677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652774057648484,0.08474910196150998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725295889725503,0.09729817552114786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067211095676396,0.0,0.0,0.10662543094675274,0.0,0.1120199967336868,0.0,0.0,0.11146221379669216,0.0,0.14277246036710858,0.0,0.11002571470159256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879692362587502,0.0,0.11624793965210065,0.0,0.0,0.09217775046298288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883204345002816,0.08578584286435978,0.0,0.1247390666365798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649298224610148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378304025087907,0.17912973562188056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714011637850325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131010652844334,0.0,0.0,0.11600470296833973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145103065158556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055010082790912,0.0,0.12814136816412913,0.0,0.0,0.08112386588232849,0.0,0.0,0.2374744120735734,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3918281,2018/03/31,"Hotline called cops on me :/ So around 1 week ago I contacted the hotline saying I had a plan to kill my self tomorrow and how I was going to do it, after talking with her for 2 hours without my notice she called the police on me, This gave everyone in my house a shock especially when the police said they where investigating a suicide.

Eventually this leads to me being evaluated at a hospital which I lie to them about basically every question they ask me, I constantly denied that it was me who said they where suicidal even though they had some sort of solid proof.

So after lieing through an evaluation I'm discharged, Easy as right? Well thing is is I'm still suicidal and looking at a bunch of pills that I just want to fucking chug right now, Pretty stuck and it's 6 am dk what to do.

I also don't trust the hotline right now as they might pull the same shit on me so here I am.",5.209841675178758,5.526811005617978,6.2332686414708895,79.19472420837594,68.15730337078652,9.394075587334015,29.664964249233908,9.339509955726095,2.3839146067415737,701,24,142,13,11,234,114,178,0.182,0.7609999999999999,0.057,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,6,2,18,6,3,0,11,0,13,3,1,2,1,16,24,12,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,8,4,25,2,24,14,3,26,0,0,1,1,20,12,2,4,11,106,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256707100035833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337356114555301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620551657762444,0.13253598005407893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895264077908168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320319901669693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363786634431194,0.0,0.11944749053634494,0.13546748172421508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106424628491448,0.0,0.0,0.08057125997668389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961506915734098,0.16358375245398826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568476983675268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905124485842458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503957564544419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140628875028362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423123962148787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881504641702096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632128754436201,0.26971181106861314,0.11274133679731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478972159103873,0.0,0.14552505173291458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321784830051244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465220697684845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394949994178727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941858076195386,0.0,0.13928848133054553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836197248747074,0.0,0.1137194863685056,0.0,0.12746841708172255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666139373984065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-coffeefiend-,2018/03/31,"Losing everyone I feel like I've lost everything I've ever cared about. I lost my parents first when they decided that they'd abuse me, then my grandad, my friend committed suicide and it was my fault, two of the people supporting Mr now want nothing more to do with me and someone who was like a mother to me has just cut ties and left the area. I don't want to do this anymore, I'm sick of it. I don't know why I'm still alive rn, clearly there's no point",5.672040816326529,4.289093551020407,6.262163265306125,85.07569387755103,67.57142857142857,9.880816326530613,31.84489795918368,8.841846274778883,2.20803836734694,360,12,83,5,5,118,68,98,0.226,0.568,0.206,-0.6486,1,0,0,0,1,2,8.0,0,0,2,4,7,10,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,3,13,18,5,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,1,13,5,7,13,1,9,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,0,8,49,18,0,0.0,0.2278718875670557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907332239589476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608661650685896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396760810967596,0.0,0.1837733372523394,0.1728479523944961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724453559677228,0.13739594021879176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359026298218862,0.0,0.0,0.1485886518732588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569596082158322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208960035429204,0.0,0.0,0.1879190858899412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516079170388408,0.4198876180744383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845395763664323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355247652558992,0.0,0.0,0.133332892699194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180786320324224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295506959790218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535897881461473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037068351320126,0.21824641816494014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787210476510552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687475554660055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354203639515364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EscapeToFreedom,2018/03/31,"Subconciously trying to kill myself I've tried to kill myself once in the past and I have a history of hurting myself to deal with intense stress.

I'm living with intense stress for extended periods of time now, I keep myself from hurting me, but as a result I react in weird, self-harming ways and I'm afraid it'll end up turning me into a cripple and possibly hurting innocent people.

I like riding my bike and recently I occassionaly have the urge to kill myself popping into my head. Like not slowing down while driving towards a crossroads. It could be so easy...

Then there's moments where I subconciously disregard my safety, pick pointless fights etc. 

Just an hour ago I almost got hit by a car, the car owner was a little shocked and pretty mad and when he yelled, asking whether or not I want to fucking die, the answer in my mind was ""Yeah I guess so"".

Not always are other people involved, sometimes I may just be on a mountain road heading downhill and considering not hitting the brakes. This already happened once and I ended up breaking my right arm and hand with abrasions and bruises all over my body. The medics were pretty surprised my head was unscathed which seems to have been pure luck or maybe survival instinct idk.



TL:DR
I'm resisting the urge to kill or hurt myself but I regularly experience brief moments where I conciously or subconciously expose myself to great danger.

I'm afraid to end up harming other people or ending up as a cripple rather than dead.",6.504560351718624,7.516070830935255,6.690167865707438,74.60565147881695,65.51079136690647,8.479936051159072,34.14948041566747,8.515128840125781,2.941555715427658,1193,52,196,16,18,383,165,278,0.228,0.643,0.128,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,1,6,26.0,0,0,0,1,10,24,8,4,16,1,14,8,6,3,2,47,29,25,6,3,15,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,15,0,3,2,1,0,5,4,19,0,0,6,2,29,5,33,16,2,42,0,4,0,1,6,18,1,10,19,133,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362586795284105,0.0,0.09446692253933443,0.0,0.10410547787929833,0.0,0.07849763964120088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819426870976342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478940758513453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532204797953032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725940908830752,0.0,0.0,0.0979090305765049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342255568533025,0.0,0.10521296836383008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228168455958954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872149234523174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075451549302075,0.10400912599527866,0.10392508978553408,0.0,0.08342370259471156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904572193289197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290495245268897,0.0,0.4039675791860221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385287445679865,0.4174886864891857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217858058579836,0.09455250306160484,0.08330310177194589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477624693824922,0.0,0.0,0.09503665906243992,0.0,0.0,0.09525553859838043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093600002016535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005728953310617,0.19620843837451005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635309427838788,0.0,0.1919534408442064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314842206173808,0.0,0.0,0.08056502574533561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588272000352329,0.09841619457678098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330372401334636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613010596695906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055009853592053265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810003282727125,0.10261378671382274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055643610754055516,0.07488193980250768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ParticularAir,2018/03/31,whats the point Im not sure Im going to make it all the way through today. Im tired of being a failure and tired of being alone. My only achievements are floating through life on a wave of mediocrity my only friends get sick of me and shut me out of their lives regularly. I cant think of anyone who I could call that wouldnt just end up being annoyed. I have the bullet here and I just keep looking at it and thinking maybe it would just be better to fade away. I dont feel like theres that many paths left in my life that will take me somewhere happier and the probability of finding one of those is small. I just dont know what to do. Im struggling to find a good reason to wake up tomorrow.,3.3426845637583886,3.8386963221476513,4.5552281879194645,88.94237248322149,72.35570469798657,7.033825503355705,26.309395973154363,6.742157984588678,0.8941994630872476,548,17,124,4,10,181,91,149,0.16399999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.08,-0.8712,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,6,7,1,1,7,0,15,6,1,2,2,25,25,5,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,2,13,5,22,17,1,17,0,0,1,0,4,11,0,0,5,81,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182742934701333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899965698070655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958713799123985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125720061348848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997079314077065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162560242869516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983508771304946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273549536091215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435841576405482,0.09093143373690726,0.0,0.0,0.23266982034966216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833899844750764,0.0,0.06650043082810314,0.0,0.07233820668328676,0.10675944999204727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5499525469025914,0.0,0.0,0.11313551756274275,0.0,0.0,0.06995174124069224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829401061657914,0.0,0.17980835063452272,0.062184340670075576,0.0,0.11239375626182613,0.0,0.1068861720539491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496279554475249,0.12904559878473745,0.12787349055681388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625066572009021,0.19360983634298876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032414960288047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723325557001725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086874627887954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330644614854899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996329255028093,0.0,0.09570143125916447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311639079547333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925875624171786,0.12064997584282157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103180207642808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041862193437224,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pointlesslyliving,2018/03/31,"Do you guys feel like there's any real reason to live? Sometimes, I feel like me and everything around me is sort of pointless. I don't really feel like it would matter if my family or friends were broken over my death, because they won't even exist with time and everything we do or feel is relatively pointless. Can you help me find a reason to live?",6.16,6.027898285714286,6.5749999999999975,79.09250000000003,66.14285714285714,9.857142857142858,28.92857142857143,9.516144504307137,2.346142857142857,280,8,55,5,4,91,49,70,0.09,0.72,0.19,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,0,19,13,5,1,2,3,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,11,4,6,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,4,4,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262826014734635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052889038506649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099254113066028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910400741501798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241318106702257,0.0,0.16999585386033805,0.0,0.3647141544243217,0.3864760409213255,0.0,0.0,0.16481523003142426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931987075786967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855166814099413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208691075083474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26429537951648235,0.0,0.3184633531680225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052511300430506,0.11552182663855776,0.3708115214850459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834760159171406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514988073413516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280988307881296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drugsnpugs420,2018/03/31,"Advice? What’s the best way to kill yourself while at the same time, making it look like you didn’t kill yourself? I’m at the end of the road and don’t want to live any further. A lot has happened and I choose to end it here before any more can happen. For my family’s sake, I don’t want my death to look like a suicide. Advice is greatly appreciated. 

Thank you in advance 

EDIT: I’m not trolling.",1.2021428571428563,3.080809928571433,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,80.66666666666667,5.152380952380953,21.214285714285715,5.985473137389443,0.04488571428571486,310,9,69,2,8,103,56,84,0.181,0.631,0.188,-0.6109,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,2,1,7,2,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,16,3,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,6,5,9,15,4,11,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,6,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35164035441264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447097128795909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310253067615098,0.0,0.18881970328718115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31871947435875386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961684255692516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836743950899374,0.0,0.0,0.31821335137118506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981196888751479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758040828956518,0.0,0.1588766643650879,0.0,0.30218259532361674,0.0,0.0,0.15296540895097369,0.0,0.0,0.12010102696307827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968082428031299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565034194720174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491544564383293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224830964963884,0.14281572431215636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Plasma89,2018/03/31,"The thoughts got to me, i almost did it.. before i broke down. Last night at about 2:25am, March 31st 2018 was the date where i lost all my will to live. I had certain things happen in my life recently that ended up getting the better of me and i wanted to just not be around anymore. Then the thoughts kicked in, i become a zombie. I had lost all train of thought and no other way out. Thinking about what i was about to do. All i could see was the knife, the tub, and my own wrists. I pictured it in my head like you would do if your going to jump from one rock to another and then just end up doing it. My mind and body were just put to the test and i feel like i failed it. I didn't even make it to the kitchen light before losing it. I called any close friend i could to try and talk with, while i was balling my eyes out and breathing heavily. No one picked up... I cant blame them since it was so late and we haven't really talked on the phone in a while. But for some reason i thought the better option was to leave this earth still. I finally caved and called that hotline thats suppose to help us. I kept remembering that song Logic had wrote, what i would see on Facebook on some one should always reach out to you, and how this hotline would help you. I called, some one picked up and all i heard was ""Hello?"". I responded with just sounds of tears and out of breath motions and heavy breathing. I told them what happened that night, why i wanted to do it and what pushed me so far to the edge. 

For some odd reason i thought i would be talking with some one who would be more sincere and lovable and just kind. I kept thinking a woman who sounds like Miss buttersworth would pick up and continue to call me ""Sweetie"" or ""baby"" in a sweet southern accent. But no i got some one who didn't sound like that at all. Just some one who seemed like they were doing their job, well what they thought anyways. I talked about my problems and what got me leading up to this point but she kinda just kept sticking to one part of the story that i had mention. Like the whole part was so important and that was the reason i wanted to do this. I hear a yawn from her here and there like she was so eager to leave or go onto the next call. It felt like i didnt matter at all to this person and that it was just some bad joke.

I thought this would be a hotline for help, i thought i would get more or just help on places to go to or what i could do better. But instead was just told to sleep it off, tomorrows a new day, and just get some rest and not think about it. I felt numb and completely stupid at this point. Wasn't sure if i would even wanna tell my friends what had happened. What would they say about me? Would they think i was fucking bat shit crazy? Would everyone think i was fucking crazy? You hear this shit all the time on social media or on the news about reaching out for help, but all i got was a pat on the back and a shitty over used phrase like it would help me to go with my call. I wasn't thinking in my head that this person on the other line had to give a shit about me but i just felt like i would be talked out of it more. 

Was i wrong to think this? Am i just being selfish again and not getting what i wanted? Should i have just called back? I couldn't sleep at all. I had some friends message me later about a facebook post i had written. All it said was ""I fucking hate my life"" and that was it. I figured people would just see it as an excuse for attention or just some emotional kid being too fragile. I just couldn't believe i had these thoughts run through my head. I was always the person to reach out to anyone who needed help, i was always the person to be there for anyone, and i was the one to always be the better person. But i caved, i fucking caved so bad and lost all of my will. I wasnt sure where else i could go or where else i could type all my feelings in one. This is my first Reddit post and its about suicide? Fuck, am i wrong to think all this?",3.246404177718833,3.988182841346156,3.6624154509283855,94.35456730769232,72.75,6.459084880636606,22.878481432360743,6.034303565779978,0.16111142241379284,3092,71,717,15,58,963,285,832,0.123,0.764,0.114,-0.9578,1,0,0,0,0,1,82.0,2,5,7,11,51,50,10,0,35,0,87,24,14,10,16,186,158,58,1,33,36,0,6,10,3,19,4,9,1,7,60,45,1,3,30,4,0,11,16,24,1,11,67,21,108,26,101,56,32,86,0,7,4,5,68,46,8,24,36,530,168,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984948816215027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132452319925476,0.0,0.0,0.02706233409235963,0.04172909698898228,0.0,0.0,0.039466485573629306,0.05565193833778191,0.0,0.0,0.035426470683482626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061200632733155125,0.06645523279162656,0.0,0.043951050999479435,0.06772615253866035,0.04483594967416908,0.0,0.14078369639867525,0.0,0.04420387734493862,0.0,0.0,0.2844498938352957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172487000974594,0.0,0.0,0.15886751566715934,0.0,0.0,0.025664833226323232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648813995167037,0.04476462988051573,0.0704940788442011,0.0,0.0,0.05256916205988992,0.0,0.0,0.03802634702514252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04024364483106882,0.028429944086129942,0.1146298870320533,0.04359407249602382,0.0,0.03385006880270844,0.0,0.0,0.09223781411291812,0.1839516926270588,0.08316611549826101,0.03817551134401275,0.11308362173453955,0.0,0.1273125254811595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557320254419683,0.0,0.0,0.03928986011347165,0.12252512532563352,0.0,0.08970493910560133,0.0,0.1867187967466984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03949093617369035,0.0,0.0,0.04144093444533601,0.0,0.03243867923114743,0.04489110621596968,0.08427546866693493,0.0,0.0,0.05621753825579342,0.194420923065854,0.0,0.03514019382339185,0.0,0.0,0.04452103364865105,0.13032460950416658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026563834171221316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040182154300356994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029507891110577326,0.0,0.03843478370233236,0.042323011771759775,0.07469084312887826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696649005786423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618939069631876,0.0,0.027589218999074898,0.17373966712611955,0.04157787270045786,0.0,0.07523930295256277,0.0,0.07622625995728677,0.0,0.0,0.038078960434034914,0.0,0.040005512620839616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02549404406207709,0.12274933935701353,0.03929329804013281,0.0,0.045080592883084906,0.0,0.03785467476746285,0.031647013309517656,0.0,0.0,0.0951356869948489,0.03622836800562276,0.0,0.0,0.1225486599650531,0.03291928465481307,0.0,0.07964856633391723,0.040566544824956745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03178077228659115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352986529381635,0.0,0.07501365720154178,0.0,0.0,0.15993075138685892,0.03478305890510013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026438390673528545,0.20399501819201613,0.0,0.28433894558474265,0.023205101326396933,0.0,0.0,0.07605269405028503,0.0,0.027018561653661826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786913869571684,0.03437057213883951,0.0,0.0,0.09388977002483627,0.031587849942675834,0.0,0.0,0.0357809726806839,0.0,0.035909288028821595,0.04443030291536185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240441825722206,0.08702035878232478,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YummyMelona,2018/03/31,"I just need people to talk to... Hi, I'm very heart broken. It may not seem serious, and I'm honestly confused myself. 

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. He said our Long Distance Relationship wasn't going to work out. We've been together for 8 short months, but it was honestly the best 8 months of my life. He made me ridiculously happy. 

I have never been depressed in my life, I've had my own problems, mostly financial, been homeless for years. But never truly depressed. 

But this, this break up took a toll on me. I haven't eaten yet, nor have I stopped crying. I tried so hard to forget and move on. But I just couldn't. 

I was saving up to go visit him in a few months, but I was keeping it from him as a secret; which I now regret. I told him, but he told me to stop day dreaming, as it was never going to happen. 

I'm still going to save up and meet him, im hoping that that'll help our relationship. We truly loved each other, but due to certain circumstances, my and his schedule did not match for about a week and a half, we were not able to be with each other that often. But our schedules are fixed now, but his feelings for me aren't there anymore. 

I am truly, for once in my life, devastatingly depressed. I feel sad, but feel nothing at all at the same time. I'm distracting myself with people to talk to, but not everyone can talk to me all the time. 

Living is harder, knowing that he's out there not having a hard time, enjoying his time alone. I'm afraid of myself.",2.51391447368421,4.066913773026319,3.980031578947372,88.18602105263159,75.74342105263158,6.574526315789473,22.35736842105264,7.24861992348623,0.6943691052631582,1153,31,243,13,25,382,155,304,0.14300000000000002,0.688,0.16899999999999998,0.9326,0,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,5,0,0,2,11,22,1,3,9,0,24,6,1,1,6,61,49,20,0,5,18,0,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,13,14,1,3,6,1,0,7,13,12,0,1,17,6,39,10,40,28,9,47,0,6,0,1,30,14,0,6,25,169,52,1,0.10710804989196912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494482369930313,0.0,0.0,0.1109316375903426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062224047012754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240329032007278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765316339976944,0.1381516627048659,0.0,0.2767560192749702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023463316864163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247114478657174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434878922383377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471529478970143,0.11401851077609598,0.19189554907634596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692355482713694,0.0717922681017937,0.0,0.0,0.1063824610165506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569507371696758,0.0,0.0,0.09520255606160284,0.0,0.0,0.05886378310313081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269607496001517,0.0,0.0,0.09457837036504928,0.09478725366062334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666919680496718,0.10134822657208406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25647787066010397,0.11383890639430742,0.0,0.07941926183372286,0.24782499323554266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277306259142442,0.0,0.0,0.11406657750635417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851047126780462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248793848851308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299879230305714,0.0,0.0,0.10188428294388988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750714592462546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553662700083492,0.17909425138136495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582681799670328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498222609285113,0.0,0.0,0.2046926633728326,0.11900098444623065,0.07271933511960048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837535842330027,0.0,0.0,0.08591561696536296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797593597207098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897407245507133
suicidewatch,th3c0m,2018/03/31,"I'm tired of myself Hi dear SuicideWatch fellow users,
Where to start? Hmm. Not easy. Maybe the fact that I am legally a grown man but I have to endure living with an infant's penis. Before you start saying ""size doesn't matter"" here's my measurements: fully erect 1 inch wide and maybe 4 inches of length. At his normal shape it's usually smaller than the ones of some kids, I'm not joking. It evens looks like I have only one testicle. It's only perceivable I have a pair at really, really, hot days. Inherently, my confidence is affected at so many levels I can say I'm extremely anxious because of it. I ""can't"" beg for help because I don't want to tell or show to someone the main origin of all my problems. I avoid having relations or interactions with ""unknown"" women as I feel immediately embarrassed and cause I know I'll live forever with an handicap, basically a female repellent. I'm studying, the university tuition is high as hell, I'm attempting this for the 2nd time, but, again, I feel I'm a waste of resources as the more I study the lower my grades are. Occasionally I'm so low-spirited I lay myself on bed and don't give a damn to following exams as I forecast I would presumably get a bad grade. It annoys me as I'm a perfectionist when I apply my time at something. It doesn't matter how hard I try, the simpler the tasks the bigger my failures are. It relates to my life wide-wise. Driving is one of the things that upsets me as well as I constantly get scratches or light hits. Judging distances and depth is a nightmare even though I don't have any problem within my eyes. I usually get anxious when parking at tight spots and sometimes I'm even ""pushed away"" of the driving steer by female friends. Another drop down to my confidence. Before getting myself into driving I already felt I lacked of manhood and being a loser as well in something males are usually good is painful. I had problems with alcohol and gambling because of being depressed due to the reasons above. Gambling affected my life hugely. Formerly, I had the impression my life was ""mortgaged"" as result of the previously stated events. Now it's like I'm really ""mortgaged"" for good. Another drawbacks: lack of perception during social interactions (misunderstanding of irony per example), being ingenuous and a short-sleeve. I end most of the days angry at myself, now and then I throw and break stuff, mostly electronics or common day things. It's been 2 years since I started considering suicide. I was clinically check during that time (purposely concealed the small penis drama) and took some pills. In my opinion they were a waste of money. I'm still alive basically for the reason that my parents are supportive as I'm their only son. Likewise I have a couple of friends I don't want to let down with my death. None of them know I have a kid's penis as I do my best to hide it. Sometimes I wish I had uncaring parents and zero friends as I would be sort of ""allowed"" to commit suicide and end this torment. Before I end, I know it's a little bit ""selfish"" putting an end to my life because of the problems I told. There are guys out there striving to dodge air strikes or hunger. You can add people with unchangeable health states like down syndrome to mention one. But at least people acknowledge their life sucks. In the other hand, I'm judged as someone with a good life, when I feel dreadfully disturbed. I'm judged as someone ""healthy"", and I almost don't have a penis. I'm posting because I know there are readers and upcoming posters that probably feel the way I do. Basically, tolerating life and not enjoying it. Having suicide in mind, yet with a deep consciousness of life and the implications of it. Good luck y'all. 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suicidewatch,ShatteredHeart98,2018/03/31,"Can't take it anymore I'm a female, 25 years old. I have aspergers syndrome and have suffered with depression my since I was a kid. Most people would consider me lucky. I have everyting i want. A loving family, hobbies, cats...
But i have always been suffering and tonight i have hit my limit and i dont think i can keep going.
I have an addiction to escapism. I love video games and anime the most and get so involved in those worlds that i dont want to leave. I have all the games and anime i could want and they are tearing me apart. I want to live in those worlds so badly that i watch and play all day and night and spend all of my money on these things.
My mother is my carer and i love her so much but we argue all of the time about the money and my moods. She doesnt get it. No one does. I wish i came with a book explaining 'this is how i feel' but i cant and i feel so alone. I have no friend and no girlfriend. I came out to my mum years ago too and she never seemed to accept it or get it. Its like she doesnt believe me.
Tonight i had a massive fight with her about my games and how i always want more. They make me happy and i know i cant buy them but i need them. She stormed out. Its never happened before and now i feel so hopeless.
I've always been a loser without a life. I havent been sleeping well because of nightmares. I need this to end. I cant see another way. Im sick of feeling terrible and tight in my chest all of the time.
I love you mum. Please know that.",-0.2674256756756748,1.7986340750000025,1.7954729729729737,97.59412162162162,87.9375,4.70945945945946,17.71114864864865,6.099015368709567,-0.4181334459459461,1144,29,271,10,37,380,153,320,0.14800000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.8152,0,1,0,0,1,2,33.0,1,1,4,2,12,21,2,0,13,0,28,9,2,3,7,69,62,31,0,10,6,3,5,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,15,27,0,3,10,6,4,3,15,9,1,1,7,7,58,11,23,52,9,27,0,5,2,4,29,9,0,5,15,186,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163609581681039,0.0,0.0,0.09461743352277674,0.0,0.0,0.1105491214404566,0.0,0.0,0.2664454928456338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192485285259328,0.0,0.0,0.10585612699943517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912237129707702,0.06506693195966262,0.0,0.09082678759096148,0.12025798380234827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441613164209289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522218114999536,0.0,0.0,0.06883764302642371,0.0,0.09193390166170097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340777167947728,0.0,0.2501939657864764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453882267928684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006237641058612,0.0,0.21588121243834552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246606897787236,0.0,0.16729972449300168,0.0,0.060662073401772626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438869607823132,0.11362535042342126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529613221461255,0.0,0.0,0.09487427716844818,0.0,0.0,0.11732161623257632,0.0,0.0,0.11302089082014515,0.0,0.0,0.07539271337067302,0.052147146178016975,0.0,0.0942522437984504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38534344247611,0.0,0.07124892330163855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846523946115443,0.15829081426869673,0.16464695956471026,0.0,0.0,0.10016705644077384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200432946554234,0.0,0.0723289179364287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399918760774361,0.0,0.0,0.11716705965237426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505693897266485,0.09717092030986264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829537078109786,0.0,0.10681580372081184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025423236044142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091246155111745,0.06839386076288644,0.0,0.0,0.12448041001568948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31478630777608857,0.0847242263041843,0.0,0.0,0.09597092655193537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227442583228649,0.10289231545632788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582412299332385,0.0,0.0,0.13747247003126087
suicidewatch,pepsi3666,2018/03/31,"Why it’s so hard, why I didn’t get the choice to be born nor die !! Iam sducidal since i was 10 i took a punch of pills from my dads pills , went to sleep wishing i never wake up again .
Then When i was 15 i tried to cut my wrest vine but turned out to be a daily habit !! I loved the pain it made me forget my inner pain .  
When i was 17 i took 50 sleeping pills ( those over the counter ) and drank a pint of hennesy , i fainted for 8 hours ( or maybe just slept).
Yesterday i took 10 mg xanax ( never tried before ) and some liquor, ended up sleeping for 35 hours straight.
My problem now is im not depressed im just not interested in living, life been hell to me childhood is the worst, i have alot of caring friends , but its just not enough im really want to die im not interested in growing up haveing children and all this bullshit !! We all going to die anyway so why just go now and Rest In Peace.
 
P.S if you planning to comment please don’t sweet talk me we all know its temporary relief 

Ill be doing 20 mg xanax today with some nice tequila and lime if i didn’t reply by tomorrow know that 
          
                    MISSION ACCOMPLISHED 
",1.167583286278937,3.194538519480524,2.5789045736871827,94.46164878599664,81.55411255411255,5.229512516469038,21.29888951628082,6.280692351149826,0.1325379634857895,862,26,192,7,23,279,141,231,0.165,0.628,0.207,0.9167,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,2,1,0,2,12,15,2,0,8,0,15,18,5,1,5,37,32,16,3,5,13,1,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,2,2,0,7,10,7,0,0,13,2,23,8,24,16,9,33,1,1,0,1,9,10,1,6,16,115,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997346591435883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780480037084283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107017859955902,0.0,0.3292115223228189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365062626925816,0.10925345312580012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816912966215061,0.0,0.055242645400098704,0.0,0.12018430109162788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471860073337772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825713180345032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568516798628325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621937447196078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468439550230567,0.0,0.0,0.09336673980965077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543078095827147,0.10004986831557967,0.0,0.0,0.10622592676373543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310009411554324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502091215169168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160662699576486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011749795386687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773712719408015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746583187710744,0.0,0.3174367935967503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849865138897375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022527297971763,0.0,0.35242943737554816,0.14357547534465806,0.1150102999912423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236577530529605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801824170719177,0.28623061975585673,0.0,0.12159107060056965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,when-its-cold,2018/03/31,"Currently inpatient in mental health hospital As title explains, I'm currently sat inside a mental health ward due to depression and suicidal thoughts. And I'm still on the same path as I was before admission. I've been in here for one month now, only leaving twice with nurses to purchase cigarettes. I've rejected my family completely, and have only a handful of friends who have visited briefly a couple of times. I've been sedated, quiet and alone with my thoughts enough to see that the struggle isn't ever going to end, and that I am actually looking forward to leaving so that I can stop wasting everyone's time, bed space, and food. 

I feel like I've already died but my body just hasn't realised it yet. I don't want anything to do with what has been, what currently is, or what could possibly be in the future. I'm young and otherwise healthy, so people don't understand. And that's OK. I'm not often a selfish person, but I see taking my own life as the one selfish act I am entitled to, and anyone I leave behind can sort out themselves as to how they feel and get on with it. 

Life is like a party I didn't want to be invited to, and my friends are enjoying themselves but I am not. I am asking to go, begging, but they insist I stay. My leaving wouldn't mean that they have to leave. In fact, they could easily find other friends to hang around and pass the time with once I go. I'm just too tired and worn down to stay. It doesn't get better for everyone.",5.816752701080433,5.7077784863945595,6.607086834733895,78.49575630252102,66.85714285714286,10.182953181272511,33.28051220488195,9.916854025145753,3.1336853141256498,1161,47,228,24,17,385,152,294,0.103,0.755,0.142,0.9641,3,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,1,13,13,0,1,10,1,29,8,2,1,2,49,55,25,2,5,9,0,3,2,3,1,5,1,1,1,13,20,1,1,8,0,1,8,9,5,0,3,9,7,23,8,37,41,3,36,0,2,3,0,12,11,0,3,19,150,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.09457726150898026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037704864442204,0.10695060214916656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677667989305418,0.0,0.07975464391664973,0.08627690561485611,0.09060455162168043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246944668072319,0.0,0.0,0.08571543715729378,0.0,0.10765322313854128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161589913333983,0.0,0.0,0.1547610855954985,0.10723710052166578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347469069791241,0.0,0.10058481061043792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583992237311779,0.10014143320675556,0.0,0.0,0.08766720679497393,0.0,0.185217183076362,0.0,0.0,0.09136496367254314,0.0,0.09800855348277074,0.06923770715038502,0.0,0.0,0.08858061630652626,0.0,0.11719273082504905,0.0,0.2246340950370551,0.0,0.10127053244035307,0.0,0.16524093036779766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603702244019145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131069025184452,0.0,0.0,0.13691104838891172,0.09469775173921956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138608592171859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557130420213434,0.0,0.0,0.19533959801153836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735842920525643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321371475052332,0.13134728199561035,0.14741988110442558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719022238590044,0.08462440978737179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925964421092696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446101044599225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066017995849458,0.07739824594539348,0.08102716579931135,0.0,0.10131895910837957,0.0,0.1060117479084088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286971511486583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388295122293896,0.16953969432700255,0.11139212882697158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089428161087592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432861742011124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ronan_847,2018/03/31,"Things to do before you go What are things that I should do to minimize the damage caused by my suicide before I go? I deeply care about my parents, but I just can't take it anymore. I feel extremely guilty that I'm leaving them behind, but at least my sisters will be there for them. So what should I do to minimize complications? Legal, economic, and emotional?",3.7143333333333333,5.7705325285714295,4.637142857142859,82.59619047619049,73.71428571428572,8.095238095238095,27.380952380952376,8.841846274778883,2.2498095238095246,287,11,54,6,6,93,49,70,0.133,0.784,0.083,-0.6841,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,8,15,4,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,8,11,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,44,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589369110194752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443466520695784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266204606185836,0.26821734599060953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936976732464837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201789986191012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29677356139764083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764627913299142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899160275505908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855964672923915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631157508495267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469209438756744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,athan25,2018/03/31,"Does anyone else feel like their suicide is inevitable? I've been suicidal since at least age 12. I'm 23 now. Ar first the thoughts were few and far between, then more frequent, more and more. I've alway known when I kill myself I'll write some letters first to my friends and family. I knew if I didn't write them I wouldn't kill myself. But lately I can't stop thinking about what I should write. How to have my family find them. I want to stop thinking about it. But step by step I keep getting closer. It might not be today.   It might not be this decade. But eventually. Preeeeetty sure. Anyone else feel like this?",1.023993902439024,3.5830261300813007,1.7024339430894315,96.54926067073171,88.5121951219512,4.3758130081300814,18.256605691056908,5.985473137389443,-0.3012760162601622,486,13,102,4,16,149,79,123,0.14300000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.118,-0.8513,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,3,2,5,6,2,0,1,0,12,0,0,1,1,31,22,10,4,4,6,0,2,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,8,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,5,2,15,4,8,11,6,16,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,13,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174628367372048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461451111392134,0.2998352050124125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804175007916005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445578460380435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27586661418019465,0.0,0.14796310709920246,0.2090557592036408,0.0,0.0,0.13372978940843128,0.24891191524003414,0.0,0.0,0.11304305417228425,0.0,0.07644385160780562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005201031695762,0.3237530216717723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505034732110735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296480342511134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043541668456104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103375977637253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465275295009706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200909931254726,0.0,0.13790070259547862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750623142580425,0.0,0.1161582269273248,0.0,0.0,0.13869006162763625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630072000200198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sircashtik,2018/03/31,"I can't take this anymore. But I can't kill myself because of my family. Please help I am 18 and I have attempted grade 11 twice even though I was pretty good at all subjects. Guess why? Because I bailed on my final exams due to severe anxiety. Now, I've gone and done the same thing again! Surprise, surprise. 

I lost my dad under mysterious circumstances so me dying would be the last straw for my family, which is my mom and my younger brother. I can't live. But I can't die either. 

I'm going to dropout. I'll be a bigger disappointment. I'll lose all my friends and education. I'll probably live as a bum into drugs before I kill myself. Please help me. I don't know what to do. I can't take any of this anymore. ",0.254534139402562,2.6091851148648684,2.5965433854907545,90.32057610241822,89.74324324324324,5.548221906116644,19.95163584637269,7.0608816371341465,0.5743594594594597,559,18,118,9,19,190,91,148,0.08199999999999999,0.693,0.224,0.9671,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,2,0,4,0,15,1,0,0,2,14,23,9,4,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,4,0,23,4,11,16,4,12,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,74,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636954614151833,0.0,0.10840988454392518,0.0,0.281081985726074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277358390811806,0.0,0.120587133389662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941509725659385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450213698527514,0.0,0.0,0.1643418274952738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359995097728456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26718838321241833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552394175079063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948693798067743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053863547323095,0.11886195166376295,0.0,0.0,0.1561125978595538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899741710289916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313568376795724,0.0,0.07788163471024426,0.11551482530173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250269952216822,0.0,0.0,0.15854034584855245,0.15469623359320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597228865069227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111161415243393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417283824391958,0.15279033932302308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600950981534436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310073997809287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414767038292604,0.0,0.13923208134944262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278737368991242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066868900755857,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nothing_Gained,2018/03/31,"That's it. I've reached a dead end.  There's nowhere to go from here.  I've done my best.  I worked my ass off at my job, putting in 60 hour weeks for years on end and it's come to nothing. I tried really hard for a meaningful fulfilling relationship for many years and I'm now single with no prospects.

I'm old now, and too tired and worn to do it all again.  I'm sick of life.  It holds no mystery or excitement for me any more.  It's just a dull grind as I get older, physically and mentally weaker, and less relevant to society and even those I've called loved ones.

In chess when you see that you've lost, you resign--there's no need to play out every tedious move of an inevitable conclusion. 

Bye, guys.
 
",1.846295133437991,3.5820763401360587,3.1084353741496606,92.91687598116172,78.1156462585034,7.244165358451076,22.872318158032442,8.139509932561175,0.9845577184720048,550,17,128,10,13,178,98,147,0.192,0.6759999999999999,0.132,-0.862,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,4,9,6,0,0,4,0,2,5,1,0,1,17,13,10,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,2,2,0,4,3,2,0,1,3,2,9,4,20,10,5,22,0,2,1,2,7,6,1,1,13,69,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251092374427317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307030206885006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785893753365185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847808188671605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827019241674547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32589430085100296,0.0,0.0,0.12151368311155815,0.0,0.15500678390228986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096119289411174,0.0,0.1045571725941026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821640706506498,0.0,0.0,0.16480536966639733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117821276278964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256669560460664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994690920018606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083033069064696,0.0,0.16604452569619446,0.0,0.0,0.1865216676398821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540342291369094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955361981144028,0.0,0.13641505358659184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765288736883508,0.0,0.19305070450943795,0.0,0.12466615023420667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849455837924887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785902875385584,0.0,0.0,0.1975201866656136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660417209265875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145207812850586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490687735036858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757356366259355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339359147704646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23694760119386424
suicidewatch,EmptyBuckets12,2018/03/31,"Pen pals Just looking for someone to write to before I go. I’ve planned it for June since no one in my family has a birthday around then. Not that they’d care buttt anyway. I just want someone to talk to before I go that will actually listen to my feelings and not invalidate them or get angry with me for having feelings in the first place. Every says it gets better! But nobody tells you when or how much better or if that better makes up for all the terrible. I’ve had so many attempts but this time I’m going to do carbon monoxide. So anyways, if anyone wants to say hi or anything, hello. If anyone in Poland is planning on going too, maybe we can go together. I’m looking into a program in Belgian, since I’m Belgian, for assisted suicide but if that takes too long, monoxide it is. Anyways, hope the rest of you fighting this battle of life make it. I’m just kind of tired and everyone I was fighting for kind of just proved over the last few years especially that they don’t really care. ",3.806649916247906,5.192933115577893,4.941788944723619,83.26179564489114,72.11557788944724,7.1157118927973215,27.337018425460638,7.554174236665415,1.5619806365159137,786,28,151,9,15,259,120,199,0.152,0.797,0.051,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,4,1,19.0,1,2,3,7,14,12,3,0,6,0,11,2,0,3,2,34,35,18,1,7,17,0,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,4,0,2,2,7,13,8,27,31,4,23,0,0,2,0,17,10,0,9,8,103,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.12286246902584093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760676107923365,0.0,0.10360685339727173,0.1120797269303907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426714363952065,0.0,0.0,0.3340510205544849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25673154203124754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060781056555457,0.12030502922001125,0.0,0.0,0.11868946975377427,0.0,0.12731995697931078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709241972984301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155749549802598,0.0,0.35776585134731304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250493776397016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622157119669863,0.0,0.10262716663742268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892850762220933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141956075441244,0.21145242103974696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680815064382238,0.1276451563527969,0.12648576820299046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255266634579093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531464703216098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154109141294099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806562280041398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024510155604866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829534320930795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335319587308654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771666557014234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466284996390974,0.1011954879918014,0.11004414689564204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341463515492759,0.14470615620887667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485208600083211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107694399399615
suicidewatch,jordanpatrickbeats,2018/03/31,"Want to die but too afraid I'll survive an attempt I feel really pathetic for being suicidal about this stuff because so many other people have bigger, worse struggles going on in their lives but I thought I'd post here anyways because I really am at my wit's end and I just want to be gone forever.

I feel completely hopeless. I'm going through a really messy breakup with the girl who I was convinced I was going to marry. Also in the coming month there's a possibility of me getting into some legal trouble, someone is falsely accusing me of something and I'm afraid that they will get me into some sort of trouble. I can't seem to catch a break; everything in my life goes downhill just as it starts looking up again. Every person who has ever made me genuinely happy has left me. I miss my ex so much and right now it's looking like so there's little to no chance of her ever coming back.

I do see a therapist but that's not really helping me. My depression has gotten to the point where I don't even have the energy to fake happiness anymore. I just want a fucking break from all this pain. My thoughts grow more and more suicidal as every day goes by. I want to kill myself and I'm not afraid of death itself, I'm afraid that I'll survive an attempt and have to live with paralysis or severe brain damage or some other injury. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be gone forever but I'm so afraid that I'll survive. I feel stuck.",3.667494607087825,4.954003430508478,5.119545454545456,82.24104391371344,72.32203389830508,7.9399075500770415,27.646379044684128,8.438071523408619,1.9768644067796608,1152,42,224,19,22,387,157,295,0.253,0.6459999999999999,0.1,-0.9961,0,1,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,2,5,22,20,2,6,11,0,19,4,1,1,3,44,54,19,5,5,12,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,15,12,0,0,7,0,0,9,6,16,0,0,9,6,31,4,33,41,7,35,0,4,3,1,9,14,1,7,10,152,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620135393106906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380172246359289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288551985328853,0.0,0.1314182043375864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033170309003087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857068079757896,0.11301803223662152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951702781201248,0.0,0.0928412321762684,0.0,0.11187124716741473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547186214653193,0.0,0.0,0.0711957071519825,0.1950083655835734,0.18163909299245592,0.0,0.09687664576519298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350886945032486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965211789731164,0.1126339125823712,0.0,0.18378231117761976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294935241319231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225081480172539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925605779370962,0.0,0.059239753861557935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711650066386192,0.0,0.07613679262958416,0.05266180612521504,0.1080360654989556,0.19036490982023846,0.0,0.18103653780091145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019955510830281,0.0,0.10928433479048527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603867623334899,0.0,0.0792396426444102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469846150983648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472951363281295,0.09411995912966646,0.0,0.0,0.10189843568796594,0.12151946788749028,0.10323509579679316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762176795735184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205391836826526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589639813637559,0.09812993694607776,0.0,0.12177446254610355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133195004270712,0.08298367344557868,0.0,0.0,0.07629584788455056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268777311772844,0.1233962377637482,0.2358142622317679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515500950356945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114987408771018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31789305313825394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098494231973962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuxuriaVexa,2018/03/31,"I Can't do this anymore Im high school students. im live in Asia when they are knowed as hard worker and hard student.I dont like my life seriously. 
What i do is just wake up go to school and go home and study then repeat.Its too boring for me.
Everyday i walk with no passion.Until there is desire to death.Im asking if im dead that is not important right? I do not want to my high school life to be like this.Ranking 2 is not enough my parents always say that i need to get ranking 1 so i can be successful people.
My parents are'nt allowed me to have a high school love because they say it will ruin my score.I just can't take this anymore.
Can anyone say if there is a heaven when people dead? because if there is i would be happy right there.With the things i dream of and the things that i love.
sry for my bad english",0.4180642283675304,2.4829554689265554,2.1764912280701765,96.05066012488851,84.70621468926555,4.630270591733573,18.920309247695513,5.750287758089431,-0.3501683615819209,646,17,147,4,19,212,97,177,0.172,0.6990000000000001,0.129,-0.4819,4,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,9,11,0,0,4,0,21,5,1,1,0,19,31,12,2,7,8,2,2,2,0,2,2,3,1,0,9,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,7,4,0,0,0,5,19,7,13,26,1,14,1,1,0,2,10,7,0,3,6,88,28,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881418412793226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010722706802046,0.07406837900031281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902979592626862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844671930541774,0.12914729676385395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414860119723685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945350445127154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534379885675067,0.0,0.1204043676254202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276393714189327,0.18978407529236704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33576104164331844,0.10625593925937253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576882097983685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821609046280474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496422965439752,0.103503619427077,0.0,0.0935377013629882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121104385373155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785453922202169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352443782209521,0.0,0.0,0.14687637413403756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809264519128992,0.0,0.25271820310840115,0.0,0.4288252929014549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964581125197841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074972402072108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062479971750872124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524928730425216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Monte_Piethon,2018/03/31,"I regret waking up today It wasn't worth the hassle. I woke up, I skipped breakfast, jerked off, browsed reddit, had cereal for lunch and dinner. I'm crouched in some ugly fetal position on the floor with my 7 year old laptop, weighed down by emptiness and my own cowardice and laziness. I think my fear of death's subsided, might try again and see what happens.",5.060869565217395,6.51196175362319,5.0122898550724635,83.70626086956524,69.14492753623188,7.259130434782609,29.74202898550725,7.554174236665415,1.876997681159421,287,11,52,3,5,89,58,69,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.9283,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,9,8,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,10,4,2,11,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,2,4,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42247543251936015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320011803625901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39828350334128026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939621070457453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991778180042708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405673925616371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558741087831568,0.0,0.0,0.2548997513917384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417716538848633
suicidewatch,Quasi-Stellar-Quasar,2018/03/31,"None of my progress matters My grandfather passed away last night and I'm beside myself. I have less than a handful of friends that I thought cared and supported me, but when I told them I wasn't doing okay not one, not a single one of them, said a god damned word to me.  The time when I needed someone, no one was there.

I've struggled and overcame a lot of things with my suicidal ideation, but this defeated everything I've tried to do.
I don't think I will physically kill myself because of the way my parents would feel, but my mind is gone. I will never trust anyone again and that includes myself.

We will all get old and die no matter how much we loved and no one will give a shit about me or about you. Hope is the worst thing you can do to a person.",3.625332167832166,4.539268211538463,4.161421911421916,90.48660839160841,72.01282051282051,7.211188811188811,25.720279720279716,7.348242739294969,0.9910076923076918,595,18,131,6,11,188,97,156,0.293,0.604,0.103,-0.9918,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,2,2,2,2,7,13,3,1,9,1,15,3,2,1,2,29,29,13,3,3,6,1,2,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,6,0,4,6,3,25,7,13,18,7,12,0,1,0,1,13,1,2,3,8,99,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485427244242205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543274906153053,0.0,0.0,0.10013125039266334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747381497553365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704757406833042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476261180589198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305469109538066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269067151781656,0.0,0.0858189667127048,0.1575729691182135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314704588256668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817291332502037,0.0,0.0,0.1338936616896654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964780925286546,0.14825088398845376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658555743135176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074985408065457,0.12179656148704955,0.12668728521566974,0.0,0.0,0.15414669644766776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236303020602314,0.0,0.4452267703055531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239107073359406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342532287765328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624868634664504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861032576738744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391767967713884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172000915881847,0.0,0.1796735624011037,0.18640007618036306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825382662692466,0.10525104828386693,0.0,0.13040393439653702,0.0957812111994886,0.0,0.0,0.15695727953650562,0.0,0.11152162292486777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303817847696924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668545014471247,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-_-_-no,2018/03/31,"No more false hopes Every single time I think there's something good, it always turns out to be a lie every single time. And it's always a fantasy I convince myself.

I just want something real. Please give me something or let me go

Nobody wants me here",1.6708666666666687,4.2857234200000045,3.0,88.39666666666666,84.8,4.133333333333334,18.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.15206666666666635,201,5,36,1,6,65,37,50,0.043,0.7290000000000001,0.228,0.8115,0,0,3,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,9,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,7,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566887416157966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611739370549715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056102167103894,0.121811848238051,0.17977451358928526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128835906773367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917264999634686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352761006757251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439608115840709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950179978745307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733758377305424,0.0,0.0,0.249961598130908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331355606530518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252841354078193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yossarian8,2018/03/31,"I am at the lowest point of my life right now. Crying my eyes out I am writing this in tears. I am probably in the lowest point of my life right now. I don't know where to go from here. 

I am nearly 25 years old. For my entire life I've been alone. I never had any friends, nothing. I was the loneliest person you could imagine. I would go through weeks without saying a word, forgetting how my voice sounds. All of high school - nothing. Never saw any human being outside of school hours. Didn't go to college, started working as a software developer right after high school. 

I learned to live with it. I got by, day by day. Learned to live with myself. I would spend most of my waking hours in commuting to work, reading, and working out. That's it. I was depressed, but learned to live with the devil inside me. Perhaps every couple of weeks I'd go through an episode of depression, but all in all things were decent. 

I had accepted my faith and learned to live with the cards I was dealt. 


8 months ago a miracle happened. A colleague of mine, which I had a crush on (but then again in those days I would get a crush on anything with a heartbeat) began flirting with me and asked me out. I went through a panic attack when she did so, but managed to say yes and go on a date (which by the way, is one of my proudest moments - I had overcome so much to go on a date with her. I can't even begin to describe what I went through before that date. ) 

We ended up together. For over half a year. I was over the moon. Somebody cares about me. Somebody found me attractive. I had someone to talk to. I was having physical contact with another person for the first time in my life. I had sex. I had a friend. My first real friend. The first ever non family member human being to come into my room. I shared my life with her. Told her everything. My deepest secrets and fears. 

It seemed like she was so into me, that till this day I remember several conversations with her, which I asked how is this even possible, and if I'm dreaming the whole thing. She even proposed to me and said she wants to be the mother of my children. We had even started looking for apartments together. I swear to God this is true. I really do. I know nobody will believe, but she did. She got down on her knees and proposed. 

But then everything went down hill. I learned people are evil and cruel. I was a rebound from her previous relationship. She was never really over her ex. She cheated on me with him, and lied to me for months. Telling me she's with her friends or family, while she was at his place. 


And I found out. Turns out you can gain some kind of social instincts, even if you're a complete loner. 

But hey, she said she's sorry and I decided to forgive. What kind of idiot gives up on the first ever person to show them love? 
So I tried to forgive her. We lasted for another month. And then she dumped me. Over text. 

Never saw her again. Tried contacting her yesterday after two months, in hope for reconciliation. But she's over it. She forgot all her promises of being the mother of my children. Of marrying me and living with me. 


And here I am. Crying my eyes out. 
It finally hit me - I'm back where I was before this relationship. I'm all alone, I'm depressed, I'm crying. 
I work 11-12 hours a day. Money piles up in the bank and I have nothing in my life to spend it on. I will never find someone new, I am back to being alone. 

Only now, I've also seen the other side. I know what I'm missing. I know what holding hands in bed with another human being is like. 

What's the point. I spend hours in front of a computer screen every day at work. Hours commuting. Sleep, work, eat, cry and talk to myself. 

I have no reason to wake up in the morning. Is the potential grief of my parents a reason to keep living? 

This is the lowest point I've ever been in my life. I have no clue where my life goes now. 

I really don't think I'll ever come out of this. ",1.1842637308549762,3.49175674685139,2.8307713020064287,91.02254827875736,83.54659949622166,5.5145545615101765,21.59495063551348,6.854613757674327,0.5669855699354356,3043,99,632,37,87,1000,308,794,0.136,0.77,0.094,-0.9853,4,3,0,0,1,0,118.0,3,2,1,11,31,34,6,2,37,1,58,18,7,4,15,112,110,42,1,8,12,4,1,2,4,5,8,6,2,8,28,45,1,3,23,3,5,12,12,14,0,7,39,14,120,20,124,58,9,138,2,5,7,2,75,61,0,7,66,452,148,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042800102953583934,0.0,0.0,0.1500203589206677,0.0,0.038612020964198836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566840110276931,0.15188729117248434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973292190976941,0.0,0.0902764628481367,0.054929058277392105,0.0,0.07425353046688521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217081599239655,0.05439858064308955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049227893603662205,0.0,0.0,0.08318332410984568,0.05062396854627699,0.0,0.0,0.038550169787375736,0.053424391754671695,0.212147110716555,0.18683184053415,0.0,0.12475862987020032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049405720642455735,0.0,0.0,0.04276454341588176,0.0,0.0,0.1594528398771762,0.1746995089225208,0.08136127968652418,0.0,0.08678757134645634,0.0,0.09103412136562067,0.05433197198342033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289183535688302,0.044129928209631235,0.16427850516561096,0.0,0.10587997284769177,0.1492137806329587,0.0,0.02522595525232674,0.04631760111094254,0.16464257528283496,0.0,0.07723289831699766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269663379561394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020276066687802,0.0,0.04795606655065508,0.2377459048984267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042916285923977684,0.0,0.1005589501608511,0.1061406353243847,0.03935721493432581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728305576741796,0.04717742052509685,0.0,0.25580945844671754,0.0,0.04054568909929461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357743175969718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415661211588522,0.0,0.035493673863037034,0.0,0.18619472537975265,0.04663217119131488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898696595716706,0.0,0.050665048225159916,0.0,0.03271791485926601,0.03672151448629831,0.0,0.05664987825916557,0.053612728805653015,0.0,0.0,0.03347345970159487,0.1264769636206739,0.050445619586530696,0.0,0.18257274882939944,0.054432001675775436,0.0,0.0,0.052057406561603764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829622030058835,0.05495679999972413,0.09279427481124812,0.09928624811747806,0.0,0.10367607627525292,0.05469540146267084,0.1237006495993453,0.09185667273786444,0.07679340431691789,0.0,0.14659538927474414,0.0,0.043955170189175184,0.0,0.0545462209850453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831802370986983,0.04921859525913596,0.08182031972653571,0.0,0.0,0.054049038119399116,0.06835013010016783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761634081447999,0.04220160493115483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415436441423399,0.03093789561878106,0.0,0.0,0.028154295492982925,0.0,0.0,0.04613662296086203,0.0,0.06556218461560882,0.05251820690561225,0.04716562583020136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02847865531662702,0.03832492040284431,0.07745966779788135,0.0,0.0,0.13427690299637327,0.0,0.053906417366032966,0.0,0.04654323765401399,0.0,0.21090426781409902,0.0,0.0,0.10289690228275697,0.0,0.0,0.06218553655024961
suicidewatch,Sadgirl402,2018/03/31,"Im contemplating suicide I have this vicious cycle of destroying absolutely everything in my path. It's not completely my fault, I was born fucked up. My parents adopted me when I was 3 and I had a lot of issues. I never really was able to bond with my adoptive mom after being diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. I'm also bipolar af. Been hospitalized 3x because I'm crazy. Me and my mom created this never-ending cycle of retaliating against each other. Eventually after fucking up so bad I got kicked out and was sent to a group home. I have destroyed everything for as long as I can remember. I ruined every relationship with everyone in my family. My ex dumped me 2 years ago because I was a fucking mess. After that I went crazy and got super fucked at this party and ended up getting raped. I haven't told anyone. I am now dating a super great guy and have a good job and go to school but despite that I'm still fucking miserable. I have built myself a house of cards and I'm just waiting for an inevitable catastrophe (me) to go and fuck it all up like always. I am sick and tired of trying over and over again. I am just so drained physically and emotionally and I just want to make it all stop.",3.0367799847211607,5.2553991638655475,5.089595110771583,77.84110007639423,76.26890756302521,8.192818945760122,27.204736440030562,8.97023862654752,2.510942857142857,963,39,176,23,22,332,138,238,0.242,0.677,0.081,-0.9919,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,10,21,11,1,7,0,17,11,0,1,3,32,38,20,1,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,9,18,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,16,0,0,12,0,29,5,31,25,4,29,0,2,0,7,9,10,6,1,16,123,38,2,0.10861962173955078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628474093915786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868630722619303,0.0903802266237838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594936505229345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069284710789384,0.1324270264831015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388560681913495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102466296405686,0.0,0.0,0.12448749687623455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218245465559822,0.1924094896988912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151671604144318,0.103790703363769,0.19524062437173412,0.0,0.10239691247727098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6025025401496887,0.056749269249355465,0.0,0.12346206834950395,0.09110498529208708,0.17374606819280436,0.11975351642880508,0.0,0.1075505026747583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895433690739098,0.0,0.0,0.12533245993786846,0.0,0.0,0.11732783069938713,0.11337066483240868,0.10778821429392003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306606059292538,0.0,0.0,0.09612494717934104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234451812853484,0.0,0.0,0.07250444095633582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544279764005458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754829694563547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060923567618125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958451105072938,0.0,0.0,0.11661682398961618,0.12304485730110873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992885612526944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867437702308906,0.09081086743896764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881223650507575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484227659776413,0.0,0.103790703363769,0.0,0.07374559318192643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406666713934604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006914775659873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994747516608417
suicidewatch,Emcocapr,2018/03/31,"Home alone and suicidal I'm a 19 year old female, diagnosed with BPD. 
I've had drinking and drug problems in the past, and for the past 2 weeks I've gone out drinking every weekend. All my friends are having a party tonight, but I decided to sit this one out because I don't want to feel pressured into drinking for a third week in a row (yay me I guess?) 

It was my birthday recently, and for the second year in a row, my mother didn't so much as send me a text for my birthday. She claims I am a 'drug addict and an alcoholic' and refuses to have anything to do with me since I moved in with my dad over 5 years ago. 

My family know I'm not doing so well, but I promised them I'd be okay while they went away overnight, coming back tomorrow. 
Truth is, I'm really not okay. I didn't realise how loud the noise would get inside my head when I'm in an empty house. 
They took the keys to the shed, thank fuck they did because all I can think of doing right now is finding some rope and ending this noise and pathetic excuse that is my life. 

I'm scared and alone and sad. I couldn't kill myself on Easter, I wouldn't do that to my family, but fuck it's hard not to crave it right now ",3.6212001992031873,3.794522243027888,4.772746513944224,88.78549427290838,71.58964143426293,8.027988047808766,25.64765936254981,7.8658589789855275,1.1519340637450195,917,25,210,11,16,303,143,251,0.147,0.7440000000000001,0.109,-0.8755,0,2,6,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,4,0,8,15,3,2,15,3,22,12,1,1,3,40,40,19,2,5,6,2,2,0,1,2,6,1,1,0,7,17,4,1,5,4,0,6,8,7,1,3,8,3,28,8,27,28,4,39,0,1,0,2,11,13,2,2,19,131,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279647647097912,0.0,0.0,0.10405292126156898,0.12544669750163018,0.0,0.2431467140991604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965961834122904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028516521607956,0.09026025904007022,0.0,0.14311113916022333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783974272239025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111503567250844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191412446193551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449718700936849,0.2722539593440297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396647114763738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890021570910136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131643638440968,0.0,0.059352357074586574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728590887398662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068979217281402,0.21703733031351916,0.061327757516490326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931057637158175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515208560355208,0.0,0.12046879317984036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774469068255634,0.0,0.0,0.13544418833379307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298668656191187,0.0,0.06451061100272601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291106380692767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475952139386545,0.08628998990398795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231736820680875,0.0,0.0795417390090379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411065585837692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231965028003996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519853695157741,0.0,0.11590152262330145,0.0,0.0,0.20048883163862896,0.0,0.0,0.11752083154306862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710040656973626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839791818919224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080704687487321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521426806638333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304167998020488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923551755260951,0.0,0.18831507772448786,0.0,0.10554138800968917,0.10881519007778466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338549467897582,0.0,0.0,0.2267723542145026
suicidewatch,MemesInModeration,2018/03/31,"Not in immediate danger, but I can't forsee myself getting anything but worse if I don't get out of here soon. I'm not standing on the metaphorical edge yet, but it is in view and growing more tempting but the day.  If you'd rather help someone peering over it instead, no judgement to you as my situation is not yet so volitile. 

My situation is complicated and multifaceted so buckle up if you do decide to stay and help me stay and resist the call of that metaphorical edge.

I'm polyamorous and in a polyamorous relationship.  But my parents are very Catholic (I was lucky they accepted me as transgender, and it was not easy to get them to) so as far as they're concerned the girl I was living with was my only partner and the rest are just close friends.  Now the girl I was living with had Borderline Personality Disorder and stopped her treatment some months ago because she said she didn't need it and that ""therapy is just placebo anyways"".  Which bull-fucking-shit on that since she became emotionally abusive and controlling within a week of stopping.  Instead of recognizing this I was so blindly in love that I became unhealthily codependent and began to neglect the needs of my other relationships at her will.  

Then, a few weeks ago one of my other partners helped me with the realization that I had undiagnosed ADD that had been severely undercutting my now abysmal performance in higher education.  When I approached the girl I was living with about this issue she took it as a personal affront to her validity as someone with mental illness and that I was stupid and making escuses for myself by wanting to seek treatment.  This issue is what made me realize how unhealthy we were and led to our breakup.

It was messy. She's using the apartment we were staying in together and I was left to depend on the generosity of my friends, family, and other partners.

When we broke up as far as my parents knew she was the only one and that I should have been much more heart broken than I was (I had truly fallen out of love with her by the end and had the love and support of my three other partners along the way).  I ended up deciding to visit two of my partners while one was visiting the other (things between us four are all mutual, each is involved with the other three) ~700 miles away from where I was currently staying.  I told my parents I was visiting the friends that had helped me through the breakup and the cost was split between us three and off I went.

It was an incredible and life changing experience, the week I had with them.  I cut loose a bit and did things my controlling ex had stopped me from doing before. I smoked weed (legal state where I live and where I visited - no laws broken or circumvented here), got drunk, had kinky sex, *spontaneously traveled*.  I also spent a lot of time self reflecting and learning to reinvent myself around the codependency I had built around my ex, all while being with partners who loved, supported, and respected me.

But that all made the contrast when I had to go back that much harsher. When I got home to my parents, where I was staying because of my ex taking the apartment for the time being, I unlocked my diary and wrote a short entry that read ""and here I return, to my prison of secrecy and shame.  A prison where I cannot betray so much as a hint of my imprisonment to my captors, or I might face judgement by their hands."" A little dramatic, I know but it still sums up my feelings more honestly than I could have otherwise.  I cried softly when I got home because I missed my partners and feared the questions audible tears might have brought.

I had stayed up all night the night before to catch my early morning flight out of there and ended up crying myself to sleep as a result.  I woke back up hungry in the evening as I had not eaten for nearly 24 hours, and went to go make food.  It made me cry to make food my parents way in my parents kitchen with my parents ingredients.  I missed my kitchen in my home with my ingredients I made my way and I resented my ex for keeping from all that.  

I want my own place back, probably not the one we shared since it's too expensive for me alone but I need to get out of my parents.  The secrecy of my remaining relationships, the lack of ownership or agency, and the 1 hour+ increase to all driving times to places I have to go, and the fact that the stressed of life just keep on stressin' without care that a significant part of my life was ripped from under me.  I still have to seek ADD diagnosis and treatment since this all started when that did, I have to start the new quarter at school (after miserably failing the last one), and I'm late for my twice-yearly blood test for my transgender hormone replacement therapy.

The longer this goes on while I have to stay at my parents without privacy, honesty, or agency, the more attractive the metaphorical edge of suicide and self harm becomes.  I may not be peering over it yet, but I feel its distinct pull all the same and I need support, help, and advice to keep me from giving in and taking the fall into the self destructive abyss it holds below.

If my living situation doesn't change I'm gonna be on a hotline by the end of the week I just know it.",7.0156518481518475,6.897472289710294,7.059571678321677,76.28628059440562,64.36463536463536,10.107042957042957,35.25761738261738,9.696096459569628,3.2669767232767217,4146,174,775,74,56,1330,406,1001,0.14800000000000002,0.759,0.093,-0.996,10,1,1,0,0,1,91.0,7,3,4,4,46,32,5,4,58,0,72,21,5,14,10,161,135,86,1,14,31,13,4,0,10,6,5,2,5,15,46,68,6,10,12,3,3,21,16,15,0,11,58,8,133,17,138,65,26,143,0,6,2,5,80,57,0,16,53,595,179,6,0.0,0.05207294588615957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294692217975731,0.07791712266228905,0.0,0.0,0.045518405724938746,0.0,0.03514638243941926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036166676439214236,0.0782487081958551,0.0,0.0,0.041291982203799364,0.1013833094239995,0.0,0.08037358333450381,0.04853874656730733,0.0747955391121766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798144820035195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044877331856336605,0.0,0.04480942287080965,0.0,0.09298544247657932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858615548947293,0.035090082741535834,0.0,0.14482931676074284,0.028343778074373386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050369910483303484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943724838287488,0.15570477382008385,0.0,0.0,0.029028216350399975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429910236588936,0.041431657352501886,0.049455382503486765,0.04444435418445655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628776880270532,0.0,0.10186577525079807,0.0,0.09184715521832036,0.04216034493069002,0.07493250511371491,0.0,0.10545123953771407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208034416663193,0.14729204663140733,0.0,0.13225473243106076,0.0,0.08656276763874672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174367518560317,0.0,0.11719294874739658,0.0,0.0,0.048306968507717436,0.03582469120471067,0.04957692656243499,0.0,0.047751237475807264,0.0,0.0931284501729497,0.0,0.0440489238523188,0.19404097553206154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736427535676536,0.15866448262566782,0.16634423855337566,0.08800985542130682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429073775586519,0.0932469037790458,0.0,0.0,0.03508005479701348,0.0,0.09692377176478127,0.13035192704438198,0.0,0.04244668063839658,0.0,0.08248721755423026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890652179671285,0.06685111836475945,0.0,0.0,0.4392062577543725,0.0475930028595767,0.0,0.0,0.07674997962094636,0.09183570267019067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738497167798848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923347473703027,0.0,0.043961372305189365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415558782833596,0.0,0.0,0.04180601881278073,0.0,0.0,0.044479219050140906,0.0,0.0,0.13754667471647267,0.049650401493954964,0.045113508573263225,0.10906638945147952,0.14820316725915514,0.04398121874010664,0.0,0.07447650178918967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221533481792992,0.3279100782902349,0.0701962213258756,0.11023119699385256,0.050343979649747114,0.0,0.0,0.048073596684425235,0.14962004366958329,0.0,0.0,0.06608907718355166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052011883340567,0.0,0.05839616188313965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688188382780711,0.0,0.0,0.04199561055219669,0.04882948822674027,0.0,0.0,0.042932254827061055,0.0,0.10573162364532326,0.03795823882437408,0.0,0.036262922897199436,0.05184508275527099,0.10465515213676024,0.1410144840944196,0.0,0.0,0.08148321459901701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473145873786285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044788273761136026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028302023504830888
suicidewatch,Lameguy546,2018/03/31,"I have rosacea and I need to die I have a terrible case of rosacea subtype 1 that makes my face incredibly red. I am taking oral and topical antibiotics, applying moisturizer, and having IPL treatments done. These have not helped at all (and my dermatologist agrees). I was in excellent shape, however my face flushes and burns when I go to the gym and my dermatologist told me to stop going to make the IPL treatments more effective. I feel miserable every day and this way of living is intolerable and unsustainable. I feel that killing myself is the only way to solve this problem.",5.253983228511533,7.64716532075472,6.258050314465411,71.17300838574424,70.32075471698113,9.994129979035641,32.532494758909856,10.25414643259724,3.8738670859538793,468,22,80,14,9,155,70,106,0.174,0.7490000000000001,0.077,-0.9061,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,4,0,9,2,2,3,1,18,18,9,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,3,14,1,9,15,2,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585688925020741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551792032037568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251615266022939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716010679269845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486433531375651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794726075239461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164804682335719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720240148881077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171119355324072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282466500362105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231303403432894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869988498676764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352689585164409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556232577308567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486723520028764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349438891927771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903279119534248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FinalThrowawadaway,2018/03/31,"It feels like too much, too hard I know my life is not particularly difficult when compared to that of many others in here and out there. In fact, the things that have been slowly pushing me over the edge (this time) are pretty much trivialities. But for some reason their hold over me and how I feel is enormous. It feels like too much. It's overwhelming. The first time I was miserable I was 11. I began self harming at that age and never stopped. I had ups and downs, and for a while it felt like I was getting out of the hole.

In fact, I don't think I've ever been more out of the hole than now. Speaking in ""measurable"" or ""material"" terms at least. Not speaking money; I have more friends and healthy relationships that I enjoy than I ever had before. For the first time in years I look forward to the time I spend with my parents. For the first time in years I have to choose between different plans among my varied circles of friends. I have things that I love and that I am passionate about. I have goals and I even believe that I can achieve those, can you believe it? I get excited at the prospect of what's ahead and I feel like I want to put the work and the sacrifice in, I want to be consumed by the things I love and to devote myself entirely to bettering this world. I met a girl a couple of months ago and we've been dating and I can feel ourselves so slowly but yet so, so fast falling for each other. The image of her face now settles in my mind and I can't help but feel this warm and soothing desire to love her and care for her. Her every gesture is so endearing.

And yet it all feels like too much.
That doesn't change. It's just immune to my efforts. And I've grown tired. I've grown tired of having to face the enormous and ever growing and consuming darkness within every single day. I just can't find the energy or the reasons or the drive to justify it anymore. 

I just want to drift away and forget about all struggle and pain.

I'm too tired. I've tried, and I've accomplished so much that makes me so proud, but it still is too much. I know it's stupid, I know I shouldn't feel this way, I know everyone who attempts suicide and survives says they regretted it the second they realized what they were doing.

I don't care.

It's too much. ",2.8073272311212776,4.456367165217394,3.727139588100688,89.90163615560644,75.17391304347827,6.755148741418765,24.279176201373,7.475848149327749,0.9591956521739128,1776,56,379,22,38,569,207,460,0.109,0.731,0.16,0.9411,2,0,0,0,0,1,49.0,0,1,4,14,32,27,1,3,21,0,32,12,2,4,8,81,61,40,1,6,12,1,11,5,2,1,6,3,0,2,34,29,0,2,19,0,2,9,9,8,0,4,12,15,53,19,55,47,16,65,1,3,1,4,24,25,0,4,37,278,87,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696051328696884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787285609572793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377412844684804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681655148545089,0.17693510866976295,0.0,0.06944644532527168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011709499361695,0.0,0.08306600471607982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688324629964064,0.0,0.05064027960700267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203891607041576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186312807768903,0.21308329346792745,0.13231656683559878,0.07503126277131097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31762519688770113,0.22438490911469292,0.07539356129107827,0.0,0.07176780672449252,0.2003726578430225,0.0,0.0,0.12133200985765315,0.0,0.08204914689140895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034040756588875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263173036234014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726148423670626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546250448981767,0.19180973861556785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593881514981632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260787136724715,0.0,0.0524141333006984,0.07960911800517399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928496986665654,0.0,0.06267561716325677,0.0,0.404059616764133,0.0,0.06056110946157243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355308539740926,0.0,0.08718953587730956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988523815555174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893643130565642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614676604830742,0.0,0.08430338441443695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244395155768175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819157094298741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270787659234753,0.06564801891189767,0.0,0.08208838206379937,0.0,0.08589046849808113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649984758445226,0.05031381203893777,0.0,0.0,0.22893443513054085,0.2707489213425649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331137376404798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894316488539388,0.062327214019863325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057165047787793764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113135799806623
suicidewatch,Anon383929w72636w8,2018/03/31,"I dont know what to title this I already filed a complaint with the state:

I moved and the new team im trying to establish for mental healthcare here kicked me out, saying they didnt have time to look at my mental health record and pushed medications that resulted in previous suicide hospitalizations. They also told me medicine is a placebo, and that i looked fine.  I have severe DID and CPTSD i begged them to please talk to the team from my previous state but they kept saying they didnt want to waste their time.  When i refused the meds that resulted in hospitalization, they said i didnt believe enough and that i was unwilling to try.  The supervisor asked me if i wanted a list of psychiatrists, and when i said yes, said they didnt have one like that.  

Im afraid of falling deeper into a dangerous psychosis wihout my meds, but 3 months trying to be safe and healthy by seeking help is useless.  I tried calling around but no one who takes my insurance has openings.

I dont know why im trying anymore. I dont have family or friends, and hospitalization means i lose my animal, the only support system i have.  I cant lose a being who loves me, not right now.  With my DID, hospitalization and losing my pet means the moment i leave, i would be where i was before entering.  Hopeless and wondering why im even trying.  Its so useless.

The prescriber told me i just didnt believe enough.  I lodged a complaint in the hopes of saving someone else, but im just too exhausted to do anything for nyself anymore.  I havent slept in 2 weeks, and am just sitting here alone in my parked car getting drunk hoping to sleep.  I have a decision to make. Im almost at the age i always knew i would die before, and it seems my prophecy is coming true.  Any choice i make, hospitalization or not, is equally as terrible.  There are no options.  Without my medications, ill slip further into this psychosis, and there is no way out but to move on and see what the next stage after this is. Ill give it a try like they wanted. I have everything i need. 

I apologize if this is rambling. I havent slept in 2 weeks and am quite drunk trying to just sleep.  Otc and antihistimines isnt working.  I just cant sleep and am just looping endlessly in my head, all roads leading to a rest i can truly invest in with the hope the next stage, if it exists, is one worth living.  Idk where this night of drunkeness will take me.  I have all the means, now i have to stop saying one more day.  There are no more days, just one long night before the dawn.

Thank you for caring enough to read, and im sorry this isnt something i can avoid.  Please take mental healthcare seriously. 
 if you have people who love you, please please appreciate them and let them know.  A text once stupidly saved me from doing it, but it may not be stupid to the next one who needs that text. Dont be afraid to love and show love. Sometimes its all one needs.  

Have a blessed life.",3.3609374999999986,5.1917448854166715,4.188263888888892,86.40812500000001,74.10416666666666,6.9527777777777775,24.5,7.720077496677588,1.1655666666666664,2298,72,463,31,48,737,253,576,0.14800000000000002,0.68,0.172,0.9764,0,2,1,0,0,2,64.0,0,3,11,8,24,34,3,3,27,1,58,20,6,5,4,93,103,37,2,15,23,0,0,2,1,4,7,6,1,0,25,30,3,5,10,7,2,8,23,15,0,7,18,9,68,19,50,75,10,59,1,6,3,4,40,22,0,14,24,306,93,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529044472844828,0.05471887804871304,0.05830234137454768,0.04225039484417488,0.04396114668205743,0.0,0.0,0.03592813592883665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047919409673646,0.0,0.0,0.043476917215937716,0.047032419666803806,0.049391563886358215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348705403259962,0.11904901394642195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053948226215073836,0.0,0.0538665910295202,0.0,0.0,0.045510804670786734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681456088450695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483213602785384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476787318435254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044135049875715315,0.0,0.0,0.16377130863873945,0.0,0.0348955857559603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748274067750369,0.0,0.049806089864555925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040818513189066166,0.0,0.027602972937379015,0.050682064453108834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054221725570965315,0.05615882742459618,0.0,0.0,0.03541273209730888,0.0,0.0,0.1574247627818317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994796558447925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710662455919208,0.0,0.0,0.0559423382217961,0.0,0.0540251479289075,0.037317390088110636,0.051622903829954464,0.0,0.046652356590665606,0.046755391755612316,0.08873254136387829,0.17731926704791956,0.0,0.0,0.19073476623763605,0.0,0.07053264819195051,0.0,0.0,0.17265132014023976,0.11737072703414415,0.1064470353073839,0.15972919784993056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04217066063296387,0.11230587362628563,0.0,0.11752462139916932,0.0,0.05102627617189502,0.16856494136802913,0.09916006340825466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056265239381516584,0.25060624922861696,0.04018174774536522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662763185859324,0.0,0.0,0.23197832655405576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561942177355142,0.052847127040387264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511894791261331,0.15076835899804553,0.12604436025868085,0.0,0.0,0.04210092500236565,0.0480970239205424,0.0,0.05968605932366532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586129548923414,0.0,0.04476508517811136,0.040673293501856334,0.05225301953130389,0.0591420273911543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04417061134873039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779054060535465,0.059954069076087385,0.0,0.0,0.1191711384822545,0.042465027262007606,0.0,0.048641371297474964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161449576757647,0.0,0.0,0.10096806580938264,0.0,0.2869601867692486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348651547203086,0.04193624107096367,0.08475861835860811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534682241407193,0.0,0.0,0.05092896251226204,0.057294950140582675,0.038462929276737376,0.0,0.0,0.07506185277930093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gammsel,2018/03/31,"I don’t want to do something I regret Hey guys, soo I’m having a really really bad day and I’m not sure how to cope right now. I find that my lowest points are usually in the middle of the night...and here we are. I have developed some really unhealthy coping strategies and I don’t want to do something I regret. Does anyone have any words of advice, or even a light in this dark? I feel so pathetic right now, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to make it through the night, I just really really want to make it tomorrow, I just don’t know how.  

Thanks so so much advance :) ",0.4992490842490831,2.4726663730158727,2.8931746031746037,91.583021978022,83.6825396825397,6.734065934065933,17.62881562881563,7.882392219407189,0.4580141636141639,457,10,104,9,13,157,68,126,0.123,0.778,0.099,-0.2115,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0,5,0,13,0,0,5,1,26,25,10,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,2,13,2,11,25,2,13,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,6,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836313528908494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102063425912381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331610498540855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531331272128086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451527918597768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181977920820474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353803168780752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703908731475936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194239444085903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811988430131787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046485765792926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671917776962027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635258800806545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913273099035683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041646229847376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319906201026984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190988597570024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767966721603692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495233778261147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273961174895073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920305467377798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848617055567406,0.0,0.2867615222837785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2Waynez,2018/03/31,"I just want to venti Almost a year ago I tried to kill myself. I took 26 vicodins and washed them down with some vodka, took three tabs of lsd because I had them on hand and thought ‘fuck it I’m gonna die anyway why not.’ I locked myself in my bathroom and when I started feeling the effects, went to my family room and gave my sister a hug. Following that I fell asleep. I have no idea why I didn’t stop breathing in my sleep, but I woke up hours later and I thought that I failed. I knew I would have severe liver damage if I lived, so I had my mom take me to the hospital where I stayed until I was put into a psych ward for kids who have severe depression. After being put on meds, I was doing better until school started up (I’m still in high school) Since the meds stopped working or whatever, I’ve started cutting a bit, and am having fairly common suicidal thoughts again. I’ve also stated using drugs and alcohol again. 

Thanks for reading this if you got all the way through and I really just wanted to put this all out since I have t talked about my attempt since it happened. ",3.634259049773757,4.725153339366513,4.586920248868784,86.77820842760185,72.16742081447964,6.972963800904977,25.124717194570128,7.1686216300943375,1.0423233031674208,852,25,173,8,16,277,141,221,0.17600000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.063,-0.9803,0,0,3,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,2,5,11,9,3,0,8,0,14,11,5,2,2,34,39,17,3,5,6,2,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,7,11,1,2,7,2,0,8,2,6,0,1,15,2,33,3,24,21,4,41,0,3,0,2,9,13,1,5,17,113,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742992781654272,0.11746198505742178,0.11006050722545116,0.0,0.0,0.08789620014401657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700104037960151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720780460004302,0.11999490933347914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466662822381952,0.0,0.1140708014777916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746246470090122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361479601011236,0.0,0.05557456528281466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161142603956556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790628046208201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719439117301673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612755188713254,0.0,0.0,0.10824070389761857,0.0,0.0,0.1240767238064622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160080841194636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705388286207994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441738344100756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872703988931267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314742959518763,0.0,0.0,0.10994126025353748,0.0,0.07041213200237001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224726454632717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483374574589961,0.0,0.2727598270671667,0.0,0.10999089341901733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23338781155968086,0.11715105254154155,0.08777547916414799,0.18378189883954904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022535983896245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263978185338952,0.08834271369790872,0.0,0.10119175744062274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617724009207458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24423147830393785,0.07462270501453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492826075549562,0.0,0.0,0.12965732044244208,0.08724264594581298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188907707810446,0.19835609624270095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001689315098487,0.0,0.0,0.07807798790287243,0.0,0.0,0.07077941312307594
suicidewatch,newguy208,2018/03/31,"Something strange happened and I don't have an explanation. I should tell that I used to be suicidal three years ago. Now I am not. I do the work I love, etc. I woke up few minutes ago and I remember walking up to the terrace. Then next thing I remember was I was climbing on the ledge. I backed out immediately. So I woke up and tried to jump all subconsciously? I don't even know why my body did that.",0.9429183400267752,3.1643507349397595,2.934377510040161,90.45034805890228,83.81927710843374,6.5804551539491305,24.88487282463186,7.793537801064563,1.299967603748326,313,13,71,6,9,105,55,83,0.083,0.847,0.07,-0.25,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,0,10,2,1,1,1,11,16,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,0,14,1,8,9,3,15,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,7,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889992135780073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871784740993398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243722415921052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447075465621353,0.14492261708404966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402940440276686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058564355158387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198032078365036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333520789947061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971125461634136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891764422409475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400061843294757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177980889149165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457706616488652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896949128595716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950552262415785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798938369354172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973792245488838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129711814132406
suicidewatch,Apqlejooce,2018/03/31,"I jumped, but I missed. Hi..
In November 2017, I jumped from a 7 story bridge. I fell into the creek below and when I came to I swam to the side and laid in the mud for 4 hours until help arrived. 

During the hospital stay, I thought everything had changed. I was grateful. It's been four months now and I am back to where I was before. I have tried many times to overdose.. suffocation. Then I jumped. I found a new way to kill myself online, I want to order poison under a false identity. 

I have mental problems. I suffer from borderline personality disorder, depression, ptsd, and panic attacks. Not to mention that I now have a metal rod in my thigh from the incident and can not walk very far. 

I don't know what to do. I just want these thoughts to stop.",1.6579000000000017,4.013837373333335,3.327583333333333,87.90337500000004,81.93333333333334,6.416666666666668,22.041666666666664,7.6454224807358475,1.0311666666666666,586,19,119,10,16,194,100,150,0.261,0.675,0.065,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,1,9,0,11,2,1,0,0,19,19,9,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,7,3,8,0,1,8,0,21,0,20,11,0,30,0,3,0,0,4,9,0,0,11,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522119623638467,0.0,0.14546884793795345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097946941211486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637316595085665,0.0,0.0,0.200128876275371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629416948789998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681831724688674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700240775047357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742768152585606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680432975975872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630560820519665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930123099402434,0.0,0.1039691705091822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180028438956284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065039301654188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100281848899175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271261116860274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219636554483095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518593412690796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102108614354506,0.22114297662480087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016422409473174,0.0,0.15816415270541034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003778591524053,0.11031321754311577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844177784356467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609449859218266,0.22316822667869496,0.15016341938924624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,klithood,2018/03/31,Why isn’t suicide understandable if life sucks and I don’t see it getting better ? I’m just sad and want to sleep and lay in bed . Don’t want to eat or do anything ,-0.1833333333333336,1.817857333333336,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,86.77777777777777,4.711111111111111,20.11111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.20742222222222212,128,4,31,1,4,43,27,36,0.249,0.616,0.135,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,11,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,11,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683941258498448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884536711330799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337334524233206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040020927861405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303697900647048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598997741113437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263861078692526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567557826404088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395342413477438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847441079940201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29430015618729605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scaredlittlet,2018/03/31,"Phobias and mental health worries too strong. My hypochondria triggered a manic episode a few days ago, and I can't see a doctor for the problem I'm anxious over until April 16th. I've lost 6 lbs from not eating, I can't sleep for longer than 3-4 hours, and I'm getting all the other fun side of agitated mania with soaring levels of anxiety and fear + delusions and hallucinations. 

I'm so terrified. My body is tense all the time. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday out of manic frustration and energy with the notion that I was going to die soon. The worst part is I don't even know if my death will be a suicide or from my own body. I'm just scared, scared, scaaaared all the time. Massive panic attacks are becoming the norm for me and I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it April 16th just to quell what might be a minor issue. The mania isn't helping.

My therapist highly recommended I go to the ER/psych hospital if my symptoms become strong again, and I can feel that tonight is going to be a very hard night, but I don't think I have it in me to ask the person around me for help when it's midnight and they're aware I lose my shit over small things due to severe anxiety.

Thanks for reading. I know to them and everyone else I just look like a neurotic girl that's crying over spilled milk, but it feels like the end of the world to me.",4.819866024701696,4.861460637010675,5.595972367594726,84.38291396273813,68.9644128113879,8.604647268159935,28.62905589281977,8.313332769828598,1.7572229851371155,1073,34,229,14,17,351,161,281,0.222,0.698,0.08,-0.9858,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,4,10,18,3,4,19,0,19,9,4,2,3,38,41,19,3,4,10,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,10,15,2,0,6,1,0,4,7,12,0,0,2,5,26,6,33,33,7,32,0,3,2,0,6,12,1,5,18,140,36,2,0.1171714687361462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386543731271818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927170574147724,0.1323704081392517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430744896912496,0.10953950628268187,0.13329946110980972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25881336304861263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603021746981078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870735645835354,0.07556590398105797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160548555893927,0.0,0.0,0.11992996323169346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989566440631555,0.0978817270145738,0.0,0.10377914296576114,0.0,0.0,0.07739065002978421,0.0,0.0,0.11196235965036773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185047793553875,0.11849083040342084,0.08370732067706932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121725634060837,0.0,0.2663649836012342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496262116565043,0.0,0.0,0.12454779208162822,0.0,0.0,0.1570751312505611,0.1237980898797755,0.0,0.0,0.11539029431009927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229657125725155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193183124756254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448812212996964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839452334988147,0.13108490221478775,0.12790649941518667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782128652327435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808128146247206,0.12430041187538655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995748599589976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747547255859524,0.0,0.12688528236497273,0.0,0.0,0.10230960698616756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211727122798906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172031769996464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346181618657431,0.0,0.09337049034151132,0.0,0.0,0.1323704081392517,0.12027482885840407,0.0,0.0,0.11725608856956447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281665690984174,0.0,0.0,0.12178602017094975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078757459289447,0.0,0.1360451061928296,0.07784351736992641,0.0750787459895782,0.0,0.0,0.1366472513760762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667873289622707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899331413999835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontTrustMe_Really,2018/03/31,One last memory... for my family. I'm at my parent's house for easter. We are having brunch with a lot of my family to celebrate. They deserve to see me at least one last time. Back at my college house I have a belt tied to a ceiling fan. It's all set up. All I need is one kick of the chair.,-0.7731428571428545,1.004366938461537,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,87.30769230769229,6.175824175824177,15.439560439560445,7.447530270364453,-0.10042857142857152,221,4,55,4,7,79,45,65,0.0,0.902,0.098,0.7184,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,9,0,12,7,4,9,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305698207282388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42433242460333465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193772480077556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669073131742019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133766989803336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668788819617407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575187390815269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499021121139227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934340592565054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123409431892338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jepepp,2018/03/31,"gonna go jump tonight just wanted to get a few words out hey gonna go jump and kill myself tonight, it’s been okay so i’m just gonna vent it’s okay nobody cares about me anyway so it won’t make a difference 

nobody cares 

literally all my friends barely even acknowledge me anymore or try to help me and they’ve just given up on me and they literally just plan shit without me and i fucking hate it they used to be my rock and now they’ve just gone and left i feel so alone i’m so alone

and the tall man is back i’ve always been hallucinating of the tall shadowy man who stands at the foot of my bed and waits for my awareness to dip for me to feel safe but now even with the lights on i can see and feel him i can’t move anything other than my fingers please help i’m so scared i’m so sad i just need to die

it’s so overwhelming it’s like a blanket smothering me and choking me and i can’t breathe and it feels like i’ll never be happy again because nobody fucking cares, nobody is going to respond to this or even acknowledge i’m there and even if they do i’ll just be a burden to them like i’m a burden to everyone 

i can feel the tall man looking at me with his eyes and it scares me so much i just want to die i want to run away and jump to my death but i’m so scared if i move the tall man will get me in this isn’t bait or whatever i’m legitimately scared

i want to fucking die im so alone no one cares about me i’m a burden i’m so useless i’m so stupid and bad at everything and i can’t ever accomplish anything i’ll be left here in the middle of bumfuck nowhere as my “friends’” failed charity project i don’t matter to anyone i want to fucking die 

even counselors and teachers think i’m a fucking burden like they have to talk to me like i’m stupid and braindead and i am i’m so useless i’m a pain in the ass i want to fucking die im so alone please someone help ",-0.7762449219102656,1.308509858851675,1.572451927417173,97.83612575607116,91.55980861244021,4.494429899792363,18.891577141825408,6.065201188426455,-0.2737206463844002,1483,46,357,14,53,499,163,418,0.273,0.589,0.138,-0.9979,0,6,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,5,3,37,42,12,5,16,2,20,13,6,2,3,63,74,42,7,9,16,0,6,5,2,5,1,0,1,4,12,23,0,2,8,1,0,10,9,27,0,1,4,10,44,15,42,61,3,37,0,5,3,7,20,18,8,5,13,202,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948696773858362,0.0,0.0,0.05922457478070759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058799204127947,0.049768284702476434,0.0,0.11714443908902278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687269290928352,0.054730358093700866,0.05942942949208405,0.043388552042373935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902768639482909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693500039994382,0.07436432468246652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350571338672532,0.06438324630495064,0.0,0.06801222460413907,0.06396887566164257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994496088002782,0.05084852724324337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998162101125653,0.3948093302885285,0.07437359842876337,0.0,0.12135378676327405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576873969155178,0.0,0.07027208763796908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431243831368648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376573267598964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874628474847956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546670161774947,0.0,0.0,0.1738662864270927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597703589205068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751088646000273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129877432445002,0.0523229392157018,0.05277649510956523,0.05489572781855434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823105878111551,0.0,0.07573684622285509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626091202611336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850404934453482,0.0,0.056718479141883736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306168519569335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060307642879976885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720899868314928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04560704643226522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832419170988567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061473669046724765,0.0,0.0,0.2518905690338078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861163496543607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,queenieree,2018/03/31,"Why do I want to kill myself? I am fortunate, but I am not a good person. I have no mental illness, no abusive family, and yet I want to get my life over with. I get angry thinking about the fact that if anybody was asked who they want to be with the most, it wouldn't be me. I'm not good enough for myself or for anybody. I feel like im constantly about to throw up. I feel like I'm not supposed to be here. I'm out of place even when I'm alone. I'm stuck with no plausible way to kill myself. ",0.90920202020202,2.0371778999999997,3.122121212121211,94.44762626262629,79.0909090909091,6.343434343434343,20.404040404040398,6.937597516519254,0.13901010101010106,379,9,94,4,9,130,66,110,0.326,0.579,0.095,-0.9876,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,2,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,1,20,24,5,2,5,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,2,14,4,17,18,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,5,62,17,0,0.0,0.21906590077387827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149157748294188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284836276299873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980176031659366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104208855646512,0.0,0.12211892863832716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429901811821402,0.0,0.18697314542212312,0.2641726957025044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319609683122804,0.0,0.0,0.31015602126890063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997142803830392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091095543249398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059415964554258,0.18065705367437954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863268958057369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143991024433488,0.19317200694415246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847084913006715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271609535777696,0.14675807039089395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683559754096575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xF23,2018/03/31,"I keep coming back to this I planned my suicide for the first time when I was 8. I've tried a few times. The only thing really holding me back is that I don't want to end up permanently paralyzed or disfigured if it doesn't work. 
I am stretched to my limits and it's not enough for anyone. I am not successful. I am not worthwhile. I let people down. I've disappointed everyone I care about. The love of my life thinks I'm a terrible partner. 
I hate feeling like this. I don't enjoy anything. I'm in pain most of the time. I can't even have sex anymore. 
I'm ready to be done. ",-0.1365853658536622,2.054837455284556,2.3819837398373984,92.5900487804878,89.08130081300811,5.881626016260163,21.20813008130081,7.3011,0.730023739837399,449,16,102,8,15,154,81,123,0.212,0.677,0.111,-0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,5,5,9,1,0,6,0,13,4,0,0,0,14,24,4,1,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,2,1,16,5,12,20,3,13,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,3,9,67,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659971517338468,0.13861324446589873,0.0,0.16313371929874165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048669469522965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021177650877364,0.0,0.0,0.17076525452228647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028672163636293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558082029275535,0.2048337708334263,0.0,0.13093492032114898,0.0,0.0,0.18942575923767052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002355415782644,0.14162190599162616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686219025708899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957198670020906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620383814625287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271270093815694,0.14002199395507864,0.09684951052250096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891834223997966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507696124145235,0.2109401608539346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743388898804015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269969121489518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684117533937072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170111299526074,0.1270234791951471,0.0,0.0,0.34678408110304204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459119676604067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692643629327312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432027636353414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pandawaters,2018/03/31,"Torn Constantly torn between wanting to end it all, and keep pushing on. Just feels like I’m too weak to end it all, and I care too much about making people sad. What a shitty feeling. ",3.0674774774774782,4.683971783783786,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,74.4054054054054,6.014414414414415,25.84684684684685,6.42735559955562,0.8998360360360359,144,5,29,1,3,46,29,37,0.29100000000000004,0.556,0.154,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,10,7,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,7,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270023296701971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34659171117304466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681374643759003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324338195582345,0.22912727721629314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850767004357258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566909051984054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408761753585276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357710881398317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235156743998252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917296582681306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesarcasticbluejay,2018/03/31,"Ugly, gay, depressed teen. I need help. I’m sorry if this seems like a “woe is me” rant but I have no one to talk to, and reading these posts (and crying while relating to them) has helped me cope for some reason, so I thought maybe I should post something, idk.

So a little bit about myself. I’m 17 (male). I’m gay, in the closet for 5 years now. I’ve always hated how I look and battle with body-image issues. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety (not diagnosed, but whatever). 

One side of my family is drug-ridden and criminally-infested. My father, who was on this side of the family, sexually-abused me when I was a kid. 

When my parents had suspicions I was gay and they were furious (over just suspicions, I never confirmed it). Mother told me it was “unnatural, disgusting, etc.” My dad also told me it was disgusting... but... he said it was ok if you were fucking a girl with another guy (this horrified me, idk why the fuck he said this) as long as you didn’t “think about the other guy.” Guess who wound in jail for sexually assaulting a girl my age a few years later... this same man who happened to be my father, and also thought it was ok to do drugs, have threesomes, and abuse minors but it was disgusting to be gay. So there’s that...

Other of the family is super conservative and religious, so they obviously don’t support the LGBTQ+ community. The type of family who would probably make me go through conversion therapy or throw me out if they knew for sure I was gay. I love them dearly and they care for me, but I feel like I would hurt them and myself if I ever came out to them… which hurts.

 So I’ve never been able to come out of the closet like all of those popular, attractive, charismatic gay teen guys who are surrounded by supporting friends and family, the kind of “Love, Simon” guy whose only struggle is figuring out which guy he should date. In reality, I worry if I’ll be thrown out into the streets or cry myself to sleep thinking I’ll burn in hell for eternity for something I can’t control. Or maybe I can control it and I’m just crazy. Maybe I need to try harder, maybe I should just be celibate, maybe I’m just a worthless faggot, maybe I should just kill myself… etc. So either way, whether I come out or not, I’m screwed. I'm just tired of feeling like something is wrong with me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth being gay. I’m ugly as fuck, so what’s the point of coming out when you’ll just worry about being alone forever, and being rejected by another cold, biased community? People are always telling you to be yourself and love yourself and to not deny yourself happiness, but it’s just not that easy for everyone.

I’ve tried reaching out to people, but since I could never really open up to anyone I know they usually they just tell me I’m not really depressed, I shouldn’t be so down, other people have it worse, I’m just choosing to be miserable, etc. (although I’d probably get the exact same answers if I was completely honest and vulnerable)

So, conclusion? (ish?) I’m thinking of killing myself. I’m worthless, have no future (I’ve screwed up my education, but that’s another story), a burden on everyone, blah, blah, blah. And I’m not blaming all of this on other people. I’m a pretty shitty person. I have TONS of flaws. And a lot of this does have to do with my horrible decisions. Maybe it would be selfish to take my own life, but idgaf. 

That’s all I really have to say. I’ve written and deleted, written again and edited so much of this fucking post I’m just done. In my mind I thought this would all be really poetic and story-like, and super deep or whatever but it’s just a bunch of stupid words jumbled up. There’s so much I’ve left out and so much I probably shouldn’t have wasted my time writing… My brain feels numb and I just felt like I’ve rambled on. I hoped maybe this post would reach out to someone I could confide in, but I’ll probably just get replies on how I should stop complaining and how I just need suck it up and get a fucking life… but whatever, I’ve never been good at explaining things. It probably all sounds really stupid. I’m sorry this is so long, I've just been repressing so much. I’ll probably just go cry myself to sleep like the weak faggot I am. I’m sorry. If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading, I guess… I thought this would make me feel better but it didn’t. I’m sorry...
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suicidewatch,InterdimensionalTV,2018/03/31,"Nothing's wrong with me I'm over the sexual abuse as a child and subsequent drug use later in life. I don't care about that stuff anymore. There's nothing wrong with me I just don't see the point. ""Life is beautiful"" is not a good enough reason to get out of bed. I have no motivation and I have no energy.

Every time I wake up I have to convince myself that it's worth it and the side that says yes is losing now. I tried once I'll probably try again. There's just nothing to make it worth it for me anymore. ""My family will be sad"" is only going to work in my head for so long.

Hopefully soon I stop caring completely. Nothing is wrong, I just don't see the point anymore. There isn't one.",0.8249543378995448,2.8665281164383565,2.8347671232876728,92.07484474885851,82.90410958904108,6.359086757990867,19.322374429223746,7.554174236665415,0.4788516894977168,539,14,121,9,15,181,85,146,0.194,0.6609999999999999,0.145,-0.8297,0,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,11,10,0,0,6,1,14,5,2,4,0,16,24,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,8,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,7,5,0,1,0,3,15,5,16,22,1,16,0,2,2,0,2,8,0,1,7,77,23,2,0.0,0.14218860292851512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570439197611913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447101514080817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258249957592723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391699533692007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399925125922892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111102473295476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131318648429103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269867424056451,0.0,0.06820271086221763,0.10065612949870477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316174478914825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919397162337475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952890472707802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620236752488976,0.0,0.13425707183105606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010556584509981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605995909142866,0.0,0.0,0.1278034769317156,0.08131980989708744,0.09127068732845013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268907002640284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938778108367446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338712379804605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543433723181392,0.0,0.0,0.1912599913015316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003311773062802,0.0,0.0,0.1373792375081075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997701311724604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629536726992591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364746714856396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736648326000983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39362625715306704,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biggestllama,2018/03/31,"I’m in a bad place. I’ve struggled with depression since seventh grade and usually have it handled at this point in life. I took off from home after high school to a college 8 hours away because I needed to be free and independent. My heart is in English but I’m going to school for nursing like the rest of my family are. I can’t do it. I can’t pass my classes and I feel so incredibly stupid compared to my peers. I don’t belong here. There’s nothing I’m good at. And I’ve never been so unsure of my future before. I’ve never been a bad student. But now I’m rethinking everything. My parents have worked so hard to get me up here, and, if I’m being honest with you, we really cannot afford this university. But they believed in me and bent over backwards to make sure I had a chance. I can’t do it. I don’t know what to do with my future because I’m not good at anything, not smart enough to keep up with classwork, don’t know how to properly study, and tutoring has never helped me. I wish I wasn’t alive right now. I really wish, with all the times I’ve come so close, that I would have gone through with my attempts. I wouldn’t be dealing with this incredible stress and pressure to meet expectations I know for a god damn fact I cannot meet. I feel like I’ve let everyone down and won’t amount to anything in life. And I just wish I wasn’t here. I’m having my thoughts again. ",2.170662100456621,3.635577732876712,3.824178082191782,89.31528538812788,76.46575342465755,6.921461187214612,24.15296803652968,7.6454224807358475,1.0090269406392696,1086,35,241,15,24,363,148,292,0.171,0.745,0.084,-0.9762,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,1,2,13,16,2,3,7,0,30,3,1,3,6,51,54,19,0,8,7,1,3,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,20,0,1,7,0,1,5,17,8,0,0,8,3,34,9,39,39,4,38,0,1,0,0,8,21,1,1,14,153,42,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454940597244416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110598401635773,0.0,0.1973966548455588,0.14411639325761774,0.0,0.10058587860650832,0.13317937671297972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182529697372117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186674505534527,0.10181194906960199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213994939256632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129523347287905,0.10623728157714912,0.0,0.11143551357187156,0.0,0.11953853044732235,0.0844474637180933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175854145049594,0.0,0.06718004801280683,0.19829369029530144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589070431291894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007646012881494,0.07923199751231666,0.1248927168965697,0.11857176349777986,0.0,0.11641057930601748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050682599182382,0.0,0.0,0.19489125666485035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087518055775845,0.16698691027298762,0.1155004300880908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890442610761472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764936562691404,0.2735067405822469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342328714327744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312554430981448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350168138601413,0.0,0.11174429831821184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145350651674766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094856163448028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23926460754189055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778246795318744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540629523435296,0.12357614767161282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140917259100744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384355342679768,0.06892774556287695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133288518253972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018886425630635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407798383982642,0.0,0.0,0.08605646998364343,0.0,0.0,0.0839712185484187,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JonashuaMorbins,2018/03/31,im gonna fucking do it and you cant stop me this time ive had enough ,-3.293684210526316,-2.2040990526315767,0.5360526315789471,108.13986842105264,92.15789473684212,3.8,14.76315789473684,3.1291,-1.7018631578947372,54,1,18,0,2,20,18,19,0.0,0.8809999999999999,0.119,0.2235,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085565507069343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550152014784192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316420393325879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114869802929567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869958331061445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SubstantialAttempt1,2018/03/31,"how do I kill myself without hurting my mom I want to die.

Nobody loves me but my mom.

I've tried to stay alive for her but it hurts too fucking much.  Every day I'm in pain and wishing God would just kill me. 

But I don't want to hurt my mom. I love her so much and I don't want to cause her any pain, I just can't take this anymore. I don't know how to get her to understand. I wish I could just perfectly explain to her everything but she'll never get it cause she doesn't have my pain.

I can't bear leaving and having her hurt over me but at the same time, I really can't do this anymore.",-0.4960150375939847,1.288444022556391,1.778157894736843,99.23460526315789,86.21804511278195,5.003007518796993,17.77067669172932,6.18269132825596,-0.4839684210526318,457,11,116,4,14,154,69,133,0.183,0.574,0.243,0.6764,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,3,0,1,0,14,6,0,4,2,29,29,11,3,7,9,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,0,0,27,3,12,26,3,7,0,4,0,3,14,3,1,0,3,76,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543424996932395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200198052401095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790543068784225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856628440061556,0.0,0.0,0.07153881991140079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512484431894185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346088844301892,0.0,0.09969414880276477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255034112395656,0.11590969064351092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749991332755649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24544886081489156,0.0,0.060962647807065624,0.0,0.0,0.11745581050043848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002321253558602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897495301577391,0.0,0.0,0.1630884030402309,0.0,0.08555383850619487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541028510707865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106275777781591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823355767576442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340339418299818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468249959685167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531223754159956,0.0,0.0,0.11547905088880492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628307994732624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25512144243367724,0.10692979163844696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879944811121911,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway09473,2018/03/31,"I have a friend who is not mentally stable and is contemplating suicide I have a friend who is claiming that her parents neglect her and only care about one sibling. She has disorders such as anorexia, body dysmorphia, and depression. She has done things such as cutting herself and has been on the verge of suicide 3 times. Tonight she told me that she wants to run away from her parents to get away from everything. She claims they don’t care about her disorders and they don’t do anything to help her. While I don’t 100% believe this, she is not in a stable position right now and needs help. This has been going on for around 2 months now and i don’t know what is left that I can do at this point. 

She may kill her self tonight and I don’t know what I can do or say to stop it, since she won’t talk to me anymore. Someone please help guide me to what to say or to someone who can help. Thank you.

UPDATE: she tried talking to her parents and her mom “slapped her harshly”.

UPDATE 2: she told me she was going to try to kill herself earlier and wants to cut herself / drink away her feelings",3.430997326203212,4.871051677272732,3.777967914438502,91.0260695187166,73.13636363636364,6.81283422459893,27.94117647058824,7.285733465282438,1.3058101604278076,859,33,183,9,17,267,106,220,0.142,0.742,0.116,-0.8061,3,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,2,0,7,11,4,0,4,0,28,2,1,0,0,24,42,15,4,3,4,4,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,14,11,1,2,3,1,0,3,8,6,0,1,6,3,38,5,28,34,0,25,0,2,0,0,47,12,0,3,10,132,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641870783722968,0.0,0.0,0.08830368648877705,0.09552508105481736,0.0,0.0,0.3024525289587553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089710445787127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919276419147275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188112162076775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242249172147933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459639215818433,0.0,0.0,0.1098112833424684,0.0,0.10511901812304247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643970444337664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054257132594095835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658086829700062,0.0,0.056062950744975984,0.0,0.12196893366745355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876997720239002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374363578727418,0.0,0.11794513132822952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658827181982652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813919901442656,0.0,0.0,0.125675478272786,0.08565061724736958,0.0,0.0,0.07956603171901191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271331574506631,0.0816110405863174,0.0,0.0,0.357451808377942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778975334474315,0.10143884466033652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163872892345633,0.0,0.17066805996816686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194354986005717,0.0,0.0,0.08876462357803491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184003376220464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971261226235451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347506726057147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249697974018666,0.0,0.09879293833330698,0.0,0.0,0.07128933148921478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257098554620699,0.0,0.0,0.20507094337731868,0.0,0.1457074465593875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265837058956921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LumionaDaisysprite,2018/03/31,"A friend refuses to get any help, including posting here. > no, I'm not going to post on r/depression or r/suicidewatch, because those people would all just tell me things I already know
""You have so much to live for"" and ""think about the people in your life that love you""

I don't know how to help anymore. I'm trying as hard as I can.",3.1315714285714265,4.009263300000004,4.367142857142859,88.68785714285715,73.14285714285714,7.885714285714287,25.42857142857143,8.238735603445708,1.3443714285714283,261,8,58,4,5,86,56,70,0.05,0.77,0.179,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,1,11,12,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,10,11,2,5,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,0,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493610837085017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366585114113815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409933587115827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377478720661303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946257329681209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745821598965635,0.0,0.11805884777461355,0.0,0.12842270681202267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242276206030965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029229030832313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24837198399665175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596077381140401,0.0,0.0,0.19953370521209352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394475971537976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611233143179266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133152377280736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43282937368470026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975058150454796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012296396106822,0.14479104052908626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341730166177447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052104008970178,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PotentialWalk,2018/03/31,"Calm My body and mind have calmed down now. Would be a nice time to sleep and not wake up. Googling ways to kill myself. How many of my anxiety meds would I need to take?

I don't want to die. I don't quite know how to live either. Live how I want. 

My soul is tired. Unable to please my parents.

I want off the dreadmill. 

",-1.6379841897233192,0.27489982608696195,-0.14653491436100194,107.28557312252966,101.46376811594205,3.0888010540184454,12.069828722002635,4.851557810540192,-1.7795333333333332,244,4,63,1,11,76,48,69,0.17,0.657,0.173,0.2914,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,7,4,3,3,0,15,13,5,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,10,10,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563215883672453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269786480580239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212075436869627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22607489588546545,0.0,0.11230139109326427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36087665452015705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717140132544687,0.0,0.0,0.2269786480580239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632785192085068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151750555857316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689836015321235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430689606568102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734358971082693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449025054023204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536402621207177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915385806575893,0.23486184684794045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36157981516676097,0.16219770539810424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29031834930390804,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheNiftyFox,2018/03/31,"there really isn't an easy way to kill yourself, huh? the only thing that's stopping me

I've tried slicing my wrist, but it was hard to control and hurt like a bitch, and i eventually gave up and called for help

I've tried sleeping outside in the cold, but i had insomnia and couln't bear it any longer

I'm too afraid of overdosing on anything; over the counter drugs are too mild and will probably end in kidney failure and it'll take me weeks to actually die

I'm too afraid of heights to jump from anything

I don't really know how to choke myself to death in a house where 4 other students live

Shitty ol canada. If i lived in the states I could have shot myself already.",8.448491484184913,5.9507018905109526,8.129598540145988,77.44602798053532,62.94160583941606,11.17712895377129,36.701946472019465,9.2995712137729,3.080762530413625,537,19,111,7,6,172,97,137,0.269,0.688,0.043,-0.9894,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,2,7,1,9,5,3,2,0,14,14,10,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,2,10,1,17,8,0,15,0,1,0,0,3,9,1,1,4,63,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.18026503270492253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038487209993921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561938996472213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040260050802845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862496179149374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718488648012606,0.14748794642184102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171547034682726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142224482963476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361159296739433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547738938845316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381732834287125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131479424746373,0.19775202040224835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437093346617247,0.0,0.10152007385600073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024734403380966,0.0,0.3262312627041911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404917485696166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916488130052595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366792348274223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485848782082995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443843963924822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388902720251887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272313602821515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508324094347397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662617151032806,0.1481753179952107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leah128,2018/03/31,missing him I had a nightmare about him last night. I thought I was over him but I guess not. I know I shouldn't want him back but I do and it hurts so fucking much. I thought I was over these feelings but they came back full force. I have no one in this world. I wish I just had someone to hold me while I cry.,-1.7339130434782604,0.19240959420289985,-0.2439275362318831,109.10106521739132,97.9855072463768,2.76,17.044927536231885,3.1291,-1.4385663768115942,238,7,64,0,10,74,47,69,0.194,0.733,0.073,-0.8361,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,16,17,6,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,7,1,19,0,5,9,2,11,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,1,5,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38320645911050605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284994333652534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27371137303858945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599236273140774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230361921538798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744987031052839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26675121669844193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369422328293744,0.20311409949941975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831751971435668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338375621718848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688501034747402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111285134090573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956405011541845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469721991061446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865434920091286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jhftop,2018/03/31,"First miststake: waking up That's all. It just hit me one day that the worst thing that I have done for myself these last few days is open my eyes in the morning. I get filled with so much loathing, resentment , and hopelessness when I realize that today is another day of living hand to mouth: literally going to work so that I can afford to shovel food in my mouth so that I have energy to go to work to pay for more food to shovel into my mouth. I've recently discovered that society is ill and most people are untrustworthy parasites with friendly faces that, when possible, will utilize and deplete you like an inanimate resource for their own benefit. Kindness is a two faced deed, loyalty IS a secret society, and lies flow rampantly like the waters of a biblical storm. There is nothing for me when I wake up, no passion, no joy, no trust, no lifeline. Just beer cigarettes razor blades liars abusers and degrading sex.  'But what about the children in Syria, they have it worse' - everybody always says that. It's easy to trivialize another's emotions and at the same time put yourself on the moral pedestal. The fact that someone else has it worse will NOT make me joyful by comparison. It will not make the abuse that I've suffered any less relevant. If my life is too pointless and screwed up to live then that is on ME, that is my reality, that is my existence, that is my truth. Selfish familial possesion over my life or hellishness countries over is not a reason for me to stay here.",9.258281505728313,7.605679503546098,8.85439716312057,70.21730769230771,60.70212765957447,12.790398254228046,39.777414075286416,11.661520659325953,4.571209165302784,1188,51,217,29,13,382,169,282,0.196,0.6890000000000001,0.115,-0.978,1,0,2,0,3,1,30.0,0,1,2,3,12,19,4,0,13,0,22,19,9,3,3,29,28,17,0,1,8,0,1,2,1,3,3,1,0,1,23,11,4,0,3,1,1,5,7,9,0,3,1,3,23,10,33,23,9,31,3,2,1,3,7,13,1,3,14,155,46,3,0.0,0.31879099869763894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193934921796224,0.0,0.0,0.0914846963291322,0.2821318924744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602812602233247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767042093080778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238216319790184,0.15132761856122298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682247182613315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443075288950433,0.325347293007328,0.0,0.10393718424760234,0.0,0.07028612900928594,0.0,0.15291246880443432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400918076906527,0.0,0.10965952562153496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004437673964872,0.13144866991891,0.0,0.23758408642124226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959901715777785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889468665099768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908471614731862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116069388496584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326584002230898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516618361425319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523933896899365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831876680644972,0.13283168505360068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698328505088624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398643758693495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339058351185172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937544462883493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784452531288318,0.0,0.1275182680992816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131415806804758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587820597099065,0.0,0.2741941766357947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DopeFlavoredRum024,2018/03/31,"My life just seems like one big mistake, and it seems like there is no way out. Doing this right now, exposing myself to a community, is terrifying. All my life I have been hurt by people and they scare me. Everyday I wake up in my apartment alone; feeling the nihilistic and cynical thoughts. ""I am worthless"", ""There is nothing I can do to change my life"" ""No one would love you if they knew who you truly were"" ""Life is meaningless"" etc. I am torn between wanting to reach out to other people and wanting to avoid them. Everything just seems hopeless.

I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective and Major Depression, but I also think that I have PTSD as well. Life is hell for me and I don't know what to do. I can see my illnesses consuming every aspect of me and it makes it impossible to live a functional normal life. The self-loathing is extreme and I fear the notion that a man becomes what he thinks most of. Have I become fundamentally loathsome and unlovable? If you knew what I really was would you even consider me worth saving? I just spiral and spiral and I can't help but feeling that suicide is the only way out of this mess, but I don't want to die because this may be the only life I get! So I'm torn again, and everyday there is a raging torment in me that I have to conceal from the rest of the world because they wouldn't understand.

I was abused by my parents and bullied as a child so it's hard not to see everyone and everything as hostile towards me. Sometimes I get so detached from reality that I think everyone in the world is trying to kill or harm me, I feel so sensitive and fragile and I don't know how to defend myself against everything. Anything can set me off: A smell, a look, something someone said or didn't say. All of these put me into fight or flight mode, and I have to deal with delusions and manic highs and lows on top of that. I can see all of my flaws and I when I look into the mirror I wonder if the person looking back is lovable or has a soul at all.

To you reading this, I've put my trust in you and I dole that out very rarely. Can you blame me when I've been hurt this much? I can never seem to turn off the negative thoughts and feelings so sometimes I'll use street drugs (or OTC) to try and make myself feel better. I feel guilty every time for doing this. I can't hold a job, I can't form healthy relationships or focus much on anything. Can you blame me for wanting to die? And yes part of me hates myself for this too. I don't like to whine, but I don't want to keep it all inside either. ""I am stupid"" ""I am worthless"" These are my daily mantras of self-loathing. I don't know how to make the black hole that sucks everything down go away.

To top it off I live in one of the worst states for mental health (Iowa) so there aren't too many resources out there for me. I'm just tired of being alone, and Reddit is the closest I come to when it comes to meeting other people. I'd really appreciate your feedback because I need help. I need to see the light in this ever pervading darkness. Where is hope? It seems only to be found in an overdose or shotgun blast to the head, and that just sickens me. I feel like a genetic mistake. Sometimes I wonder if things would be different if my mentally ill parents never had me. ""What if"" is the most torturing question of all. I hate the fact that others can love and prosper in life so much, and I seem to just wither away in my neurotic death spiral. I feel like I've been dealt a bad hand and death is the only way out.

Thank you for taking your time to read this. I'm sorry you had to go through the ravings of a weak and overly sentimental person. I'm just in so much pain. It all just seems futile. 
    ",2.9659098979138925,4.4778808095872185,4.13970239680426,87.67652208166889,74.45938748335553,7.030634709276521,25.432778517532178,7.675431598112923,1.2421674922325794,2892,97,604,38,60,945,306,751,0.232,0.6629999999999999,0.105,-0.9989,4,3,2,1,2,3,84.0,0,12,4,3,36,45,11,4,33,1,66,21,3,6,11,138,134,64,6,21,27,2,11,5,0,5,16,2,0,4,39,42,0,3,30,2,1,6,18,32,1,3,16,23,93,13,91,109,20,66,2,8,8,2,35,42,2,27,18,433,132,4,0.0,0.06514988089617403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138986343521498,0.0,0.04397259634331822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049822791191613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332304718944214,0.042281139924196826,0.045911338998879975,0.10055757922528832,0.1214562957364835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048630993673152816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058168309852019866,0.09473181258678903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668855380861,0.047359697270739916,0.055810028555951685,0.1141343835051594,0.05744907445854351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376675555978198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061324360021981626,0.03631799211036353,0.049738337928159015,0.09265681050335504,0.10508370437190596,0.1976728877244273,0.0,0.0,0.06187497605418304,0.2224221681604016,0.07856457623135307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602897386695963,0.0,0.0,0.05745623875599114,0.0,0.06250006537730142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049257005153853686,0.10857535282702116,0.0564318998760542,0.058447961458431286,0.0,0.0,0.07371243651909795,0.05809614016423709,0.0,0.054613892357525166,0.0,0.0,0.11772813583942388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054565507692627635,0.04887443004444813,0.06083429379835016,0.0,0.0906572460375104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107081080747576,0.13431786380675034,0.0,0.0971079798137656,0.0,0.13852415716945266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925472785920098,0.0,0.11011152722034936,0.05574756916501322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082669668455382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168529432508516,0.0815434231442766,0.08481778778655788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053874987638775636,0.052760924347745874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117806030900726,0.1672785099871876,0.05850939595687521,0.0,0.1221117581398104,0.059544902156511564,0.0,0.11436191851009225,0.09602398992405486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427614757707235,0.110553018903322,0.06159734120352215,0.0,0.11000254051218153,0.0,0.0704513790844103,0.0,0.0,0.05903480494763271,0.0,0.04695807675440178,0.05230464879690617,0.04372738444574092,0.055050969001479856,0.0,0.1752681353759777,0.35040281118820504,0.11472559404178395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465897899432942,0.04233120953559611,0.16314883759385762,0.06155276197981498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060146186180595175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413429222581284,0.0,0.0,0.05062408040298404,0.0,0.0,0.03653051432693615,0.10569917568037353,0.0,0.08730610349214132,0.06412601257993382,0.06319876666186401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466429903167572,0.059809402752489985,0.0,0.05724277135368128,0.0,0.04749058645237489,0.0,0.04536953052098442,0.16216198781716848,0.13093691130489946,0.0,0.0,0.049439368352029334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926078912797378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718226179491595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gldmdlrbbn,2018/03/31,"i'm scared to die. i don't know what to type. i've never reached out like this before.

i don't want to die, but everything is too much. i'm scared. i don't want to be gone forever, only almost gone forever i guess. sometimes i think that maybe if i end up in a hospital gown people will finally understand how much i need help. i can't do this much longer.",-0.208455988455988,1.893133753246758,2.305108225108224,93.77448773448776,88.0909090909091,6.53910533910534,18.94516594516595,7.793537801064563,0.6504239538239536,277,8,65,6,9,95,49,77,0.222,0.728,0.05,-0.8072,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,8,0,0,1,1,13,19,3,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,7,15,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,4,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927787326726006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381843854640948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39960609119837415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051359763028598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302255370723296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089380153703505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120800229667632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904059988536878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058027289565526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405445560847096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934099712480149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42456812630822105,0.14274948348122632,0.14848156883393265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641843558572884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346757811359306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854877358385133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040499240818956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335761038686753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004177830335659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22710393170747797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Saunders16,2018/03/31,"I tried to kill myself Hi Reffit,

It's ony a sjort post because im hi;oing someone will reach out to me. Tonight i am drunk and i was at a party/I repeatedly trided to end my life and it drindt work because everyobody deicded theyd stop me. Ive never done this before and im reall  ywtroied. Im 16 and my parents had to collec tme. An dthey k nw i tried to end my life. I need help becuase ive hit rock btotom. Thank you redit.

-Susnders",-0.5652456140350886,1.5674257999999988,2.2785526315789504,92.82695175438595,91.0,4.4298245614035086,20.54824561403509,5.985473137389443,0.11645614035087748,341,12,75,3,12,119,66,95,0.105,0.8240000000000001,0.071,-0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,1,8,11,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,15,1,7,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,38,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283793132629567,0.0,0.15939709120420445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916952818032527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318231050692361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555788256488787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070192040106944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724386487135504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646219144818353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889677279132398,0.1444741530902869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799873823649764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940254473530404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587171894096145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660944818670594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246078524473918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543584700847584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363725324541445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeorgeWithA_Q,2018/04/01,"Fed up. I never thought I'd be posting on here. I've been contemplating on it for over a month now. I subscribed to reach out and help people. I've been off my medication for roughly a month (I've called in refills but they love to drag their feet) and I've informed the pharmacy I ran out weeks ago. I've been sober for 5, almost 6 months and I'm fucking miserable. I can't go a single day without the involuntary thoughts of using miscellaneous objects to take my own life. The moment I get a glimpse of a gun I think of how easy it would be. Sometimes, it's also been occurring more often recently, I have the desire to act on the compulsion. I'm running out quickly on the will to live and I have nobody I can talk to that I fully trust here. It's just becoming so difficult to even put forth the effort to breathe

My mind feels so scattered and I feel like I'm rotting on the inside
The only reason I'm posting this is because I know healthy me would want me to do so",2.0280021893814997,3.820646876847288,3.8635057471264393,87.45012452107281,77.76847290640394,6.678598795840178,26.54871373836891,7.594959193182576,1.4302503557744943,768,31,162,11,18,259,123,203,0.07200000000000001,0.784,0.14400000000000002,0.9286,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,12,6,1,1,14,0,15,7,2,3,1,29,34,11,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,8,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,8,3,19,3,28,21,3,30,0,1,0,2,7,12,1,2,12,104,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394930452986915,0.0,0.1626105430473111,0.0,0.0,0.12986355594323934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899168953077807,0.1793474546384179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581876971702875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472838323968824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725733735044712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642189458884658,0.11601174468888895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012732164007805,0.08484228924897867,0.0,0.0922902149467304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884687191168027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924552502755277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470115233801635,0.07933575395210818,0.0,0.14339371128578082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656368938666225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359125844404154,0.0,0.0,0.16396802651528264,0.0,0.3888554390890368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524549884663774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350522795047444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258106667357212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110502567983565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324721927895802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669643923682924,0.16034094356310208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060827242286055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220973820969587,0.1305232640738557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405322068432783,0.0,0.2578397001286181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025317910236093,0.0,0.0,0.09578207396417124,0.0,0.13025979541114674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653856482844533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23071498274889815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommercialChicken,2018/04/01,"I Highly Doubt It'll Get Much Better I've had semi-frequent suicidal thoughts since my sophomore year of high school, and as a college freshman, I don't see how the whole ""life gets better!!!1111!"" thing works. I'd say that in my life so far, most years are worse than the previous. Elementary school was ok, middle school was the only outlier in that I enjoyed it for some reason, the first half of high school was not great, the second half was bad, and now college is the worst. I am getting terrible grades and feel consistent stress.
 
I know the freshman year of college is supposed to be the easiest workload-wise, so I'm sure life will get worse when I am pulling more all-nighters than the almost weekly ones I have to pull this year. After college, I'll have to leave my friends yet again to work for a company that doesn't care for me and have adult responsibilities. I'll have to worry about money, way more frequent stressful social interactions, constant monotony, keeping my job. One of my high school teachers confirmed that life doesn't get better when she mentioned that she wishes she could be in our place when my friends and I were complaining.

I also just experienced my first breakup a month ago. I was with him for 3 years. I imagined living my life with him, experienced so many firsts with him. I will probably find someone else, but I will probably fall out of love with them too. They'll cheat on me once I'm no longer attractive; it happens to plenty of people. Love isn't worth living for. The future isn't worth living for. What's the point in staying alive then? The good days have never and will never outweigh the bad ones.",6.545567954696871,6.963009762658231,5.982391738840777,81.794453697535,65.29746835443038,8.677948034643572,31.82145236508994,8.371475516178862,2.2583,1319,48,251,16,19,404,175,316,0.141,0.747,0.112,-0.5252,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,2,7,14,22,1,3,16,1,31,7,0,2,3,31,48,17,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,6,5,1,0,1,11,11,0,1,6,0,3,3,9,9,0,9,8,5,32,13,33,31,7,44,0,0,1,2,19,14,0,4,25,162,43,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021267502417868,0.0,0.07931487582919862,0.0,0.0,0.06334221398780662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322699181384902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015780716932292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075733134257218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559517508031265,0.0,0.06324074842397719,0.0,0.0,0.051082288742076466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616770763683202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04004969498858375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239422558360266,0.20212159260153809,0.0,0.0,0.12239104541492388,0.0,0.20691326376328006,0.0,0.0,0.06643549811738048,0.0,0.08732655506994061,0.0,0.0,0.07004293603146057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33474831582992404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860122785642437,0.07040327076065267,0.0,0.0,0.04353037388118505,0.0,0.0,0.08386931226778373,0.0,0.0,0.27973301990968896,0.0,0.0,0.2098250370274696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297573339251668,0.0,0.0,0.08030397904596077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322267566189739,0.0,0.05822663069437604,0.0,0.12217942333907456,0.0,0.0,0.0743308787836821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435340891188277,0.1610191680595033,0.06024087759364219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054912511554279314,0.0,0.08275498538551611,0.0,0.07487669536526319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079817651258092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814385082321247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298898798387842,0.0,0.4008111241520855,0.06311812730791826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552126752941598,0.0,0.0,0.08074207760257084,0.06711226285558032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442466257727355,0.0,0.0,0.1814638611793786,0.0,0.0,0.08664015574283067,0.0,0.07465213708924727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262194748555105,0.0,0.0,0.06288191225580353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287123151293954,0.06353548364675217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843235186475362,0.09108472297161324,0.0,0.0,0.11532801555253967,0.08043906723857475,0.16143843114507575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550351849469821
suicidewatch,BaconDblCheesebrger,2018/04/01,"I'm too weak for this I just want to die. I don't see why I should be made to keep on dragging myself through life's challenges when I'm a lazy fuck who just wants the easy way out.
Things do get better, I'm aware of that, but then they just go back downhill eventually and I'm fed up of that inevitability.
I want to be killed, find myself in a dangerous situation, have something happen that doesn't scream 'she killed herself' but says 'she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, noone could have seen that coming'. Maybe that would make it the tiniest bit easier.",5.173763975155282,5.3552146000000045,5.079751552795031,87.90434782608696,68.21739130434783,8.310559006211179,25.99378881987577,7.957251820313856,1.1387267080745342,449,11,99,5,7,139,81,115,0.25,0.644,0.107,-0.9753,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,6,10,4,0,6,0,11,4,0,2,0,18,29,5,3,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,9,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,4,4,10,2,13,20,1,16,0,0,2,1,6,8,1,0,5,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704146844601844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762259004620466,0.194571911991253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352219368637554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229550684761982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496596288286085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289138378308612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476306832093196,0.09311347026857192,0.0,0.10128748601188817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760084015566886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841161507853094,0.3943517591507219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258832409231036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863765975191006,0.11896435313841296,0.0,0.1790476289075198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620371964375335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172903063851713,0.0,0.0,0.14201960192405932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032863185207603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720375387831715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840256283125138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392249292825703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153592875182483,0.14146407146054374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081734264994885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660356572687734,0.3897148516168409,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MotherGoose1972,2018/04/01,"Anybody else just over it all? I am 45 and have been fighting off suicidal ideation for the better part of 30 years. I even started seeing a therapist and I swear, she's only made things worse. She refuses to give me any antidepressants or help for my crippling anxiety or PTSD. She is condescending and seriously pulled up Google last week during our appt to tell me how to best help my fibromyalgia and anxiety. I almost walked out right then. So on that end, yes, she's gone...finding a new therapist who doesn't suck, but between the chronic fatigue and pain, and the financial difficulties we are facing, I just feel like 45 years was good enough and I would have no qualms with saying goodbye.

Main reason I continue to stick it out is my two adult sons and my husband of 24 years. I know when I've told my spouse about my depression, he just says he'll hate me if I commit suicide. It's rather funny, in a black humor sort of way, as I'll be dead, so why will that really matter? Truth is, I have a life insurance policy that isn't much, but would at least give my husband and boys some money to start a new life. I am sure to pay it every month and have had the policy for over 15 years, so well past any suicide clause. Because of my COPD, depression, fibromyalgia, and other health problems, I cannot up the policy or start a new one as I am ALWAYS denied. 

I do work 40+ hours a week and while I like my job, I have 20 years until I can retire with a pension. 20 more years of this life is unbearable and there is no way I will hold on that long. I am a victim services officer and the coordinator for the entire county I live in. The work should be something that stops me from feeling suicidal....I.know...but it doesn't. In fact, often times, helping victims of sexual assault and extreme violence just triggers my own PTSD. 

I have been reading through some of the posts I see here and while I think many of you are amazingly kind for your words of hope and your willingness to reach out to help, that is not really what I am looking for. I just want to know what some other coping skills maybe some of you have tried. I feel like I have tried everything and have run out of options for continuing to keep up this facade of loving life. I don't love life, and every morning that I wake up, I wish more than anything that I hadnt. 

The depression is just too much to bear and no doctors are even willing to try any antidepressants or anti anxiety medication for me. Even my quack therapist tells me I'm just negative and don't need medication. She doesn't have any idea how close to commiting suicide I am....and she would just tell me suicide won't solve anything. However, as anyone of you who has ever felt suicidal knows, that is not true and often times, when one is suicidal, they have a damn good reason to be and their thoughts are extremely valid and deserve to be heard and respected. So any options for trying to us in a better outlook on life is welcome, but please, I am not here for sympathy or anything like that. I just want to feel certain that I really have given life a fair chance before I end my own. Also, I am not religious, in fact, I hate God and could list a million reasons why and with all due respect, I want to hear nothing about God. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and know I don't sit online, so may not respond for a while and do.t want anyone freaking out or thinking I am being rude by not responding right away.",6.032583137386631,5.807886903930132,6.480873362445415,79.97285186429292,66.4235807860262,9.899137834509014,31.298062926883887,9.532500598960619,2.6166824095845933,2721,94,548,49,39,885,313,687,0.201,0.648,0.15,-0.9952,2,0,1,0,2,6,81.0,3,6,2,7,33,42,9,0,24,1,65,18,2,7,11,127,107,57,8,15,26,4,5,4,0,10,14,4,0,2,25,39,0,4,17,1,2,4,20,17,1,4,12,13,77,24,80,79,17,69,0,4,4,2,49,26,2,19,39,376,102,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532971344851118,0.0,0.0,0.04418725380957363,0.04597643059583823,0.0,0.0,0.18787583726110985,0.0,0.1268093415911316,0.0,0.0,0.07727089965507684,0.0,0.1364100086849245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191371547511756,0.0,0.0,0.0336828210082809,0.0,0.047017775958455785,0.0,0.05798651705161985,0.09773678332159257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044116471872227316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277266782074485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056555642217521476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615830592705815,0.0,0.09787872723472227,0.05709299213443698,0.0,0.10948584814314108,0.049981141548669734,0.0931091257593993,0.0,0.049659462867251626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175397423255362,0.07894809856739124,0.053053285371453235,0.0,0.05050189784692352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601090256516044,0.0,0.09269023081015912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910537634334186,0.0,0.058733282143534925,0.062276189789852075,0.0,0.14814454511446656,0.0,0.0,0.05488049657766906,0.054414860344523856,0.0,0.0,0.06237595797899501,0.0,0.0,0.05483187571726714,0.049113016395731734,0.0,0.05753938466082554,0.15183300030243893,0.04504004716959733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731967583713811,0.10797884196511376,0.0,0.04879101199146995,0.04889877053435702,0.046400126447040224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973925163464016,0.05228343984894997,0.0,0.05601970756351556,0.05551088617960614,0.0,0.0,0.11132682153034393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410386439176865,0.0,0.08123729017315319,0.04097074353815278,0.0,0.1600963274649102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301848308385861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488418227820183,0.042023774989206036,0.05879501654179994,0.0,0.0,0.05983557768828024,0.05274697100185091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065319171317441,0.0,0.0,0.052918836793170235,0.0,0.0,0.052871393495927364,0.12917983849372058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526976550758381,0.0,0.10619294382342166,0.17043345061250936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437461639771866,0.0,0.08788168976182638,0.0,0.0,0.08806186382676331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253785437665788,0.0,0.0,0.11732892262181133,0.0,0.0,0.04619549762289329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230785786635891,0.0,0.052077007122369436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488542544768493,0.05087120788087894,0.0,0.19246528917270006,0.03670884238346491,0.0708101058635971,0.0,0.0877322986346327,0.0644390513478519,0.0,0.0,0.052798341495216096,0.0,0.15005756340006904,0.0,0.053975923238488085,0.0,0.06646473641728537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036288069955698,0.08771739695481783,0.08864415577117304,0.0,0.049680712516946425,0.0,0.09971774837810322,0.0,0.06354030777794012,0.0,0.0,0.08045232355717014,0.0,0.05630937476388213,0.11775430096245985,0.0,0.0,0.2134937269441171
suicidewatch,throwaway2k17,2018/04/01,"I’ve prayed nearly every night for death for a few months now.. I can’t take my life. Would tear up my family but I’m tired of being here. I’ve been praying to GET cancer which I already know is shitty as it ruins a lot of people’s lives.. but please... don’t make me hurt myself.

I just wish I could give someone my life span in exchange for someone dying.

I’m actually extremely healthy - scary healthy for someone who feels so shitty and it’s a curse for me. ",0.5961363636363615,2.8584280833333366,2.4407196969696976,93.1080681818182,85.875,4.74090909090909,19.14393939393939,6.11248444174946,-0.0828833333333332,360,10,77,3,11,119,68,96,0.326,0.5529999999999999,0.12,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,1,0,11,16,5,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,0,12,12,2,7,2,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.1924884529501029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767130514579627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748881638070786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204715322433436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619241507525775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595062101158735,0.0,0.0997359964476485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103055469189208,0.18922106483030005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111611991733021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840395204048993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786483291616131,0.0,0.0,0.1741761841429316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676956861060474,0.0,0.0,0.13166652680979288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744380967253932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510663475547395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674895798507875,0.0,0.0,0.2165222867387408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013902162050778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483081504537262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671092614249985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268288337606916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401214005812199,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justasadteen,2018/04/01,"I really want to but I know I can’t I don’t know what to do really. I’m fifteen and I just want to disappear. My life seems great, my grades are improving, my family is amazing, my friends are cool, I know so many people who act like they love and care about me and I’ve lost like 10 pounds In the last month but that doesn’t stop the pain. I do nothing with my friends outside of school and that’s what’s getting me down to the point where I’m considering writing my note. Everyone I know is always out having fun with friends, going to parties, hanging out with girlfriends or boyfriends, enjoying their youth, and I’m alone every weekend with nothing. All I want is to go to a party or to be with my friends but instead I sulk in silence and I’m to sad to do anything. Worst of all, because my life is so “perfect” whenever I get emotional my dad likes to remind me of how privileged I am and how I shouldn’t be sad, how I should “be a man” and not cry about shit. I would end my life in a heartbeat if it weren’t for the the thought of how sad my family would be if I were gone. I can’t picture my grandparents or my brother or even my dogs in a world where I kill myself and that’s the only thing stopping me from killing myself. My friends tell me they’ll “never recover” if i kill myself, but I know they’ll be fine. When I miss school no one knows it, when I don’t show up to things no one worries about me. I could kill myself and no one at my school would know for a week. I started chocking in class on Thursday and it took my table mates over a minute to notice. The worst part was when I was choking I was low key hoping that that was it and I would die. The big idea is that I’m a loser no one gives a shit.

Sorry for the incoherent ramble and for wasting time in your day. I’m fifteen I’ll be fine.",1.404258641600972,2.989150229381444,3.032753183747726,93.64484232868405,78.92268041237114,6.111097634930261,23.26743480897514,6.923569853693429,0.5628924196482723,1411,46,327,15,34,466,175,388,0.213,0.561,0.226,0.6695,3,1,0,0,0,5,29.0,0,1,4,3,17,36,6,0,17,1,38,7,2,4,4,65,69,33,5,14,13,2,0,3,7,8,4,0,0,1,15,20,0,2,10,2,0,7,13,16,0,4,10,1,59,20,43,44,5,42,0,7,0,1,20,19,2,9,19,223,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843390194782731,0.0,0.0,0.07104779691817084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026520957986764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052050370061656366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705647848129337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817358576348301,0.0,0.09379225387774053,0.055066754890468805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861694380430013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604749345749246,0.07562644430047454,0.0,0.0,0.0563964927498577,0.0,0.07194119000161177,0.08158975795976435,0.0,0.0,0.16098820094833458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298441526710792,0.0,0.08922107650085924,0.08190980660037685,0.09705339637735083,0.0,0.0,0.09413810778420438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480733117136653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639013593780699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778667938156591,0.0,0.32848048540586383,0.06960079508173148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809314737628333,0.1251455159084996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320864941891698,0.0,0.07706398695019287,0.0,0.0,0.08656776428286382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815410330911087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585476613668027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385988952315214,0.09721225983316906,0.0,0.0,0.23143841772556256,0.06493972221145593,0.09085647452241367,0.0,0.0,0.09246446313871057,0.0,0.059195738653127085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071714741495042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094006154766922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592448593190301,0.0,0.0777319939488706,0.0,0.0,0.1752945222993438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558237372208088,0.060436484223409886,0.0,0.0,0.14277264638035034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463092248358584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345301690286674,0.0,0.0,0.06778676003963134,0.04978912645489477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948667271015663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108821009337312,0.0,0.06849131060843047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671338948045101,0.0,0.24262239159207574,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nottono,2018/04/01,"How to help my friend who is severely depressed and has talked about suicide? He's been depressed for years, I've talked to him about it loads but he insists that after 5+ years of seeing countless therapists he can't be fucked anymore. I've got no idea what to do, I feel completely lost. he says he genuinely doesn't see himself getting better and no longer wants to. He has cut himself off from family, is 21yo, is a genuinely great person but I don't know how to make him realise that. 

Thank you to anyone who can offer help.",2.5766981132075486,4.760936292452833,3.4609811320754718,89.12883018867926,77.58490566037736,6.504150943396226,24.75094339622641,7.554174236665415,1.2366596226415094,421,15,84,6,10,134,72,106,0.163,0.639,0.197,0.8092,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,2,4,9,2,0,1,0,12,1,0,3,0,11,23,6,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,4,8,4,13,19,0,4,0,3,2,1,21,1,1,0,3,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337066381857955,0.1292860604062558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635286211087661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938636541922895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185074129006831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430683459743784,0.0,0.09349076513773838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428529291560224,0.17093664914574333,0.09660238037712852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788105636076032,0.20385240019078354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478685338726713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087290793084633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161595393033293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018396943578219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342188149629008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144715005393304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703953884151286,0.0,0.0,0.2946819953440613,0.0,0.0,0.20888385533967987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225009090229012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972304994535208,0.0,0.17023065822670005,0.0,0.2146826219026196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905854172845192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381384885406453
suicidewatch,atwasoa,2018/04/01,"Is there anyway to make low-suspension hanging less painfull from what i read low-suspension hanging may last over 15 seconds to get unconscious. Is there anyway to make this period less painfull? Any easy way to become numb before hanging?
Many thanks.",6.121363636363636,9.037836590909098,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,69.45454545454545,8.036363636363637,31.45454545454545,8.841846274778883,2.998063636363636,206,9,32,4,4,60,31,44,0.052000000000000005,0.821,0.127,0.5418,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314591446963321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759052208182013,0.2896246363427559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782610597489534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27744203158144504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543911339016352,0.3450756038619653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404560383721113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133613783823942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27016504583734313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sbnyng,2018/04/01,"Pathetic I’m a 17 y/o Korean boy, I feel pathetic, unwanted and I’m on the verge of suicide. It’s an on and off thought that won’t go away. I do have friends, and I feel happy for a moment, but then it all goes away. I go to church, and there is a youth group that I am forced to join, and I’ve known the people for years. But they blatantly make plans to do things that day, and while I’m there, and don’t invite me anymore. They used to, maybe out of pity, but it adds to the unwantedness I feel. If I get hurt by my parents, I let my feelings lose to them. But they always tell me to just let it go and forget about it. Side note:  I’m not without my flaws, and I said that I don’t like to interact with people because their all fake. My dad calls me a wuss, which is true. He points out all my flaws and says your not much better than the others. I’m sorry this is all jumbled up, and full of random comments. My emotions are going crazy. Main point is i just feel sad all the time and I don’t know why. It seems my parents don’t understand me, or I’m just not going the right way of solving my issues. ",1.4655077527844504,2.5314593900414977,3.2132736405328686,94.61695785105921,77.50622406639005,6.401485040401836,20.982965713037785,6.8360192770164,0.14223153526970966,847,20,208,8,19,283,130,241,0.168,0.7559999999999999,0.076,-0.972,2,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,5,3,6,10,0,0,11,0,16,0,0,2,7,51,40,20,1,2,13,3,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,14,16,0,0,10,0,0,5,9,5,0,0,2,7,30,5,27,35,8,27,1,4,0,0,19,14,0,4,8,134,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876480151177367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963350048374456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456208490400281,0.0,0.0,0.07968224792234943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156062106236505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347395505016793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429993504876056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703603791739506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304654870993786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098957420568176,0.0,0.06829284719031767,0.0,0.3714398563682384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914784468884656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993240359898054,0.0,0.0,0.136431809460742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183718234240956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26732853597425005,0.0,0.06386042349093249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623591011826895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725283642144327,0.0,0.1313201229156325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609007948778413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902856093382386,0.0,0.0,0.18124172864545327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471346022817588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162933145550454,0.12433926985023465,0.10394928901167837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899742510947615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632400098035225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298027127588392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142500939179968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684079872711906,0.0,0.0,0.1037725843818684,0.07622058235737128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607823698343355,0.0,0.11289522021600915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375495819573073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794935980227167,0.0,0.0,0.12600395842512402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417574879909458
suicidewatch,lawsclsrewup,2018/04/01,"I keep saying that I want to kill myself but I know I'm not going to actually do it I've been really feeling crappy about my life in general. I just don't know how to climb out of the hole I'm in. I'm seeing a therapist about my ADHD and depression but I'm really scared to tell him about these thoughts because I feel like I'm going to get myself involuntarily committed. I know I'm not going to kill myself but the sentiment and ill feelings are real.

I'm trying to take life one day at a time but it's really hard to see beyond what's in front of me right now.",1.836829268292682,3.161965081300817,4.84439837398374,82.23830487804881,77.04878048780488,8.172032520325201,21.243089430894308,8.841846274778883,1.3358689430894315,447,11,97,10,10,163,71,123,0.226,0.7040000000000001,0.07,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,1,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,23,27,7,2,1,7,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,7,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,2,7,13,1,19,25,0,15,0,1,2,0,3,7,0,0,4,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1622661896680027,0.0,0.19983735016972293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013633042558596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072374360400044,0.0,0.1432175110291091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25222988498686555,0.11879112105159892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687491666897985,0.0,0.2835038329528323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489550416370875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779812007490925,0.3679303984232227,0.0,0.2741509317515735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348982598043484,0.08123645736660808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126762534282758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189264088222366,0.3195714418323975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200299543794398,0.0,0.13223326002975,0.16647620686975315,0.0,0.2650087263835703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502255642873955,0.0,0.14533685146980208,0.0,0.0,0.19306496191147549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320084751420006,0.09695974048796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289382836338654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807679363295364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nifprty,2018/04/01,Everybody leaves. I can’t fucking do anything right. I’m trying to cut deeper and I just can’t fucking do it. I can’t even do that right. ,-1.4740000000000002,0.43544626666666986,1.3033333333333346,96.40500000000002,103.0,3.733333333333334,19.333333333333336,5.6839178017228535,-0.1134666666666666,108,4,24,1,5,37,19,30,0.087,0.913,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,9,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27382657703730323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21977958450475188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152477991330642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523363653097761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.568336848957004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259167930960265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mega_Mad_Lad,2018/04/01,"Anyone want to chat? I have a few hours free and am feeling quite lonely, so if anyone wants to chat about anything in the world just send me a message.",4.400322580645163,4.861380161290325,4.5388709677419365,90.12830645161293,69.96774193548387,6.2,25.177419354838708,3.1291,0.3346645161290325,119,3,25,0,2,37,27,31,0.085,0.73,0.185,0.3197,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535980457950814,0.0,0.3257643544635617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001619691925989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389848707384132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42105269272596896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466984571951664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El_Pollo_Mierda,2018/04/01,"Does it actually get better? I've tried so hard to be better. I went to college, I managed to pass a semester, but its not what I want to do. I suck at what I want to do. I've always been terrible at science, but I wanted to be a vet, I wanted to help people and animals, but I just cant pass science class. I'm just too stupid to do what I really think I was meant to do. I don't want to work another poitnless job, that only helps a company make more money, but I am just too stupid to do what I want. I should die. I need to die. I'm a useless thing and I need to die. Why can't I just die?",-0.17477777777777706,1.0816099851851853,3.132314814814816,92.6429166666667,82.48148148148148,6.5740740740740735,20.13888888888889,7.492282038375204,0.4008888888888893,448,12,114,7,12,164,66,135,0.331,0.596,0.073,-0.9909,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,3,0,4,0,14,0,0,1,0,23,30,7,4,9,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,4,5,0,0,4,1,17,2,15,23,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,73,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.14102192858405624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024476140210805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153242506552694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25561654174559273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5999185746015344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126462584509266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550105366561488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945350653120466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372540722990944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434049082846733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646224101294287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430620939321407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990715745668096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018575915260156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257747232042744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600671336471446,0.0925968390116498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981135098668159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114181314945959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339631814107634,0.13039873589453732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052057578742618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ziggystardust417,2018/04/01,A mother shouldn’t want to kill herself I am 24 and a first time mother. She is a little over one and she is my world. I did suffer from depression when I was a bit younger but nothing like this. I have been more sensitive to little things and have been lashing out on my partner and other family members. I sleep about 2-4 hours a night. And really I feel like I’m just feeding an unhealthy relationship. I don’t want to put the blame on anyone so I won’t and I’ll just say that I’m the reason I am unhappy. I don’t think my daughter deserves to have a crazy woman as her mother. Last night I had a whole episode and literally destroyed everything in our bedroom after an argument with my partner. Even made a huge hole in the wall which caused me to sprain my wrist. I have been losing my mind lately and I don’t understand why. I have never had an episode while my daughter is around(she was at my in laws for the night) but I’m scared I am a danger to her. Right now my partner is with his family at the park celebrating Easter and I’m at home staring at all the nice things I destroyed. I want to get help but cannot afford it and in my head I can’t get the idea that I should just take my own life so I don’t have to deal with myself and no one has to deal with me. I know she would hate me forever but at least I saved her from meeting a lunatic. This was just really a lot of rambling in one paragraph because my mind is so scattered at the moment.,2.1876699029126208,3.574171870550164,3.7799145631067965,89.97697864077671,76.24919093851132,6.756297734627832,24.0104854368932,7.404127859558343,0.8913978252427177,1144,36,254,14,25,381,155,309,0.196,0.733,0.071,-0.9918,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,11,13,5,1,22,0,34,5,3,3,2,45,50,21,1,6,8,5,1,2,3,4,1,1,2,4,9,16,1,0,6,0,0,1,10,9,0,4,10,3,47,4,35,36,7,36,0,3,1,0,24,21,0,1,16,185,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384495247280829,0.0,0.0,0.10674671321266056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309697542531123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091236925601815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231822056861385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472471109528651,0.10327965293775286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920045601456585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776878029156836,0.0,0.2260838982421444,0.0,0.06063088885985472,0.08566484409718654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101996713671968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252976843138237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838784244612224,0.12306385745032525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037419261115174,0.0,0.12028107402104846,0.0,0.11808873456286577,0.0,0.0,0.1353655581995313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266437735632794,0.0,0.0659002587053506,0.09774392769244317,0.13526546530274125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469708268894678,0.11716546478748045,0.24036577473052115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415036607187564,0.0,0.1019445222258324,0.0,0.11346321962907605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421529900446419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248318919212982,0.0,0.0,0.3375866346802456,0.0,0.11505837810067347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376553393739706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205442399503068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363683469571884,0.12328905733094382,0.0,0.12874014230674544,0.0,0.10240381905513826,0.0,0.09535848727272188,0.12005239264636458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199981610390891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015857170375212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593278276149179,0.07683448733261572,0.0,0.0,0.06992139630534916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483216530727155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121808388137732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820153396399856,0.13387697706701174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518173345755377,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fraeewilder,2018/04/01,"Want to know... I have been struggling a lot with self-punishment lately, I have thought of taking it to the next level. I have done some truly bad things in life, but also genuinely want to help others and make the world a better place. I want to know - is it possible that someone could deserve to die? If so, how do I decide whether or not I do? ",3.5352857142857133,4.5132505285714295,4.535714285714288,87.47928571428572,72.28571428571428,7.314285714285713,25.42857142857143,7.554174236665415,1.1613714285714285,267,8,56,3,5,87,52,70,0.126,0.691,0.183,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,2,0,19,17,8,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,8,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,2,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603050551266622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837916540028068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467893896988786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574852871759458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284506135130981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22525997875423864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754231660235845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419452443179656,0.0,0.2483058237812188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554778142512236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871388126645145,0.0,0.0,0.14693232764057695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234100943120678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299793612188853,0.0,0.0,0.24815310185232764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296339765423572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186507619686942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301180290378343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550342962805425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623846300550322,0.0,0.0,0.17475130888419885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894988114987561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DracoCynical,2018/04/01,"Overdose A few hours ago I wasn't really in control of myself and I ended up swallowing 7 times my normal dosage of Prozac, it's been 5 hours after sleeping and my body is starting to feel Ill, I've now starting to vomit. What should I do?",2.6237999999999992,4.058050379999997,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,75.2,6.6000000000000005,24.5,7.1686216300943375,1.0602,189,6,38,2,4,64,41,50,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,1,0,6,8,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24668294596352736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30911200567091485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121203971143549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647799478555976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070930556801026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481095246402676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27266030758841864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827655775978332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848606917634017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39394324514557977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622702768091151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeavingNewVegas,2018/04/01,"I dont know why. My mind is just... Contempt. Like its used to it all. I dont know what I'm going to do. All day I hear it. And they've just been getting louder and worse. While yesterday and the day before it was ""I wish I was dead,"" ""why am I still here,"" now its ""I wont be here much longer."" ""Might as well enjoy it while it lasts."" ""I should say my goodbyes."" But I dont want to say goodbye, because... I dont know anymore. I dont want a coward's way out but my mknd is flooded with it nonstop. How do you ignore something that is there all the time? Its like trying to ignore the fact that your surroundings are on fire. You can try all you want, but everythings still burning. And I'm afraid. Because I dont know what happens next.",-0.5884210526315812,1.4789328598726144,1.386771706335903,99.83770365403956,89.828025477707,4.06959436808582,17.81729802212538,5.399115186594226,-0.6754382165605093,557,15,134,3,19,183,86,157,0.117,0.8140000000000001,0.069,-0.7274,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,4,0,0,10,8,1,1,4,0,21,0,0,2,5,31,36,11,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,13,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,3,4,19,4,8,29,5,16,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,13,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064346037046408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084501225782558,0.0,0.0913231327938264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384276463377133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7546836357781584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964541097372028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607132492325561,0.0,0.06099357614372147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490450620149683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095971436627227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359254978177851,0.08748176886000951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048642340337055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385170128469098,0.10836464424931908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889403195983427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413818382967453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706935528247115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262173284071181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141500463425738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258033183606747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572921102447442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269176546957343,0.0,0.0,0.18990392074314516,0.08518722256781862,0.0,0.0,0.0964953831607398,0.0,0.19368285699181706,0.0,0.12341502435361056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937030525737856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_MK_1_,2018/04/01,I am going to call it a night after 19 years. I am not good enough for this. I am too tired to try anymore. Leaving is the only option here.,-1.4498387096774188,0.4867794193548427,1.5163709677419348,97.99455645161294,93.51612903225808,3.1,14.201612903225806,3.1291,-1.379522580645161,106,2,25,0,4,37,26,31,0.175,0.825,0.0,-0.6492,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324803543857803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423302441942179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464054088624283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905316983919617,0.28119385673236674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354983947533608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146117222235671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549746021858619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853233840851431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276144131669501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589159196484706
suicidewatch,throw_away299,2018/04/01,"please help me... I really don't like having these thoughts, but it escalated this time. I have a super close friend where I talk to them about my issues, and I feel so bad because I talk alot about my feelings and it's so much weight for him. Today was the last straw because he says I was emotionally manipulating him, that I was making him feel bad for what I say. I don't know if I was, but I felt so terrible with what I say. I feel paralyzed, I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to say anything anymore. I had bad thoughts, thinking about what would happen if I didn't exist anymore, thinking if I was gone, people don't need to hear about my worries, they can move on...
I feel like I'm so insignificant that no one would really miss me... ",3.9172077922077935,4.3082948766233775,5.127688311688313,85.72867532467534,71.01298701298701,8.237922077922079,26.43896103896104,8.238735603445708,1.3976722077922077,577,17,129,8,10,192,82,154,0.264,0.6579999999999999,0.077,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,9,10,0,1,3,0,17,1,0,2,0,27,37,11,0,6,5,0,7,2,1,2,0,5,0,0,10,4,1,0,12,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,11,12,28,4,12,24,2,8,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,4,5,85,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614228491452913,0.0,0.0,0.10846119907430743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33014561680294696,0.1606896380984029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825866699565252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33321336251557565,0.09415883978536313,0.12654986980119953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182931928976838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655141065198747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854958848337754,0.0,0.08834360004631008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756626261799926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448690408917672,0.10743561054221472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287828670392024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797835824915486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008387089746724,0.09688908445947576,0.09772895729472424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931193847021271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137439186187347,0.0,0.0,0.14467819401924373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887051223524752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192545784639652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187370542785894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689058390051954,0.0,0.20927094131566695,0.07685436916006108,0.0,0.124932174481719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604984158039539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338505677999412,0.0,0.1872556537701732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway8888812,2018/04/01,"Just need to talk to someone I'm lonely, going through some hard times, and just got some bad news. Looking for someone to talk to.",3.7288461538461526,5.216507269230776,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,72.46153846153847,5.2,28.384615384615394,3.1291,0.6528307692307691,103,4,21,0,2,31,19,26,0.252,0.748,0.0,-0.7506,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,4,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,11,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707103024439041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842617964318772,0.0,0.2593084910707329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904375923996897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722632890612945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040515069966584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494214022664344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211917889297968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905539065696803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nsparadigm,2018/04/01,"Need help on next move all money taken away by child support services...
dont know what to do...
life in shambles... ",2.6959090909090904,4.761581318181824,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,76.72727272727272,4.4,24.63636363636364,3.1291,0.2060181818181821,87,3,17,0,2,27,21,22,0.0,0.779,0.221,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,9,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34069836277852555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249940966868133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430600637670592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928935598372394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25613294081666405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854132565938716,0.0,0.2688820308374566,0.0,0.0,0.3856560712422156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41150284063611897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sisenoryosoyderancho,2018/04/01,"Friend just committed suicide. what now? one of my friends commuted suicide yesterday. the whole town is in shock. things like this never happen here... until they do, i guess. We live in a good town, with good people, he was a nice young boy, athletic, sweet, and quiet. He had plenty of friends, i just don’t understand how this could happen. ",2.956666666666667,5.737758000000002,3.2787301587301587,87.5857142857143,80.1111111111111,6.774603174603175,23.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.475038095238096,266,9,49,5,7,82,50,63,0.139,0.5529999999999999,0.308,0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,1,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,2,11,10,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,5,8,6,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,6,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549278980290508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804221026169187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34770606608515203,0.0,0.0,0.2283375651681619,0.0,0.36658645505333626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126444295142754,0.0,0.1830282511067832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986380718754628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045538674558578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369888021053914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534519732977412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770477281296747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578132609622208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314159301343991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sunsteal,2018/04/01,"So Lonely and Losing Control I've suffered with mental health issues for approx 16/17 years but it's usually stable. These last three weeks I feel I've lost control.
 
I have no friends so no one to talk to which adds into the depression.
 
I'm so utterly alone right now. These last three weeks my depression has hit like a brick wall. I'm sweaty, dizzy, stomach churning, can't think straight and constantly wishing I wasn't here and always considering self harm. Thats's not something I've really had before.
 
I'm so scared right now and can't see a way to begin to get out of this and can't even see that I will get out.
 
Please, anyone, help.",2.2254919499105554,4.5546151627907,3.098604651162791,90.52121645796066,79.54263565891473,6.139773404889684,21.55098389982111,7.321109707123232,0.7059989266547402,512,15,104,7,13,162,86,129,0.277,0.598,0.125,-0.9723,0,3,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,8,10,0,1,3,0,8,2,1,2,0,17,21,10,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,3,3,3,5,2,10,16,0,18,0,6,2,0,4,7,0,0,11,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179836378543308,0.0,0.0,0.12998880563589338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092337076454519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329329933030714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881994668174832,0.3504314001347744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26910670426785605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318282976530133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899028614929607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069634615434804,0.0,0.16323857564863048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605615307607496,0.0,0.0,0.10471198085267072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630546621337407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25468275207472163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632193560423196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747719026112867,0.17053422538709254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574345319353413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058597338811804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714842985117267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007949548404503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668246209829849,0.0,0.0,0.1564049781616002,0.0,0.24897662460008,0.0,0.16297309889494838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202669457605924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556492702536756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010043155670012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720559154035987,0.0,0.0,0.12400135804233628,0.25062293409832265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964701936951044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060152639286377
suicidewatch,BB770M,2018/04/01,"Daily Anxiety, Pains, And Suicidal Thoughts I feel so empty right now. I feel like I'm doing everything that leads to a healthier mind and body, but I still end up with the same results.  Every day I have bouts of anxiety or attacks at random. Whenever I start to get anxious, I do my best to notice that it's anxiety and just observe the thoughts. I accept them as much as I can. When things get to be too much, I use a CBT thought record to help reduce the attack significantly and It works. I meditate each day and do yoga each day. Yet, I still have physical pains that I know are produced by anxiety. (they go away when I'm calm and they never get worse) This morning, I was eating with my partner and my stomach started to feel discomfort and some nausea. It wasn't anything I hadn't eaten before.

 Quick background: I had my gallbladder removed back in February because it stopped working. January was hell for me because I got really sick and lost 18 pounds in a month and doctors could not tell me what was wrong and why everything I ate made me feel sick. I had awful panic attacks daily.

So I was having thoughts such as: ""Is it happening again? Am I dying? Why can't my stomach function properly? Why won't this stop? Will I be at the doctor's all over again despite getting the all clear recently?""  I began crying and my partner gave me a hug and just held me and I felt better soon after. He went back to his house, and I'm feeling so low right now. I don't know what pains and sensations to report to my doctor about. They all come and go when they want. These panic attacks come at random and I don't know how to overcome them. I've done it once before through meditation, but it's back now. I am on medication for the major depression I had back in early 2017, but I'm not on anything for anxiety. I really don't want to add on another medication. The doctor referred me to a psychiatrist, but I can't afford it. (No insurance) I've been looking for a job and applying. Last week I scored 3 interviews after months of searching and two of them haven't called this weekend about the second interview and the third one is tomorrow. My parents will not pay for any of the psychiatric care. They are also a huge source of stress, so I don't talk to them. I feel like I can't function or handle stress. I cry at least once every day. I have suicidal thoughts every day. In my head, I know that things always get better. Despite knowing this, I still have suicidal thoughts.

Thank you for reading this. I don't know what to do with myself right now.",2.9972942018611337,4.9244320078740165,4.382806012884752,84.2037652111668,75.37795275590551,7.531567644953473,26.89978525411596,8.367750914986694,1.926462992125984,2012,78,393,37,44,666,232,508,0.215,0.688,0.097,-0.9972,3,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,9,8,31,27,5,5,17,1,42,19,4,6,5,83,92,39,4,3,11,1,7,2,2,3,11,0,0,2,23,29,3,3,21,3,1,7,17,17,0,4,27,8,65,10,51,59,12,67,1,3,1,1,22,19,1,5,43,274,88,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048800438746402136,0.05077640703220842,0.0,0.0,0.04149804524038274,0.06398841832264575,0.23341389855162376,0.06893913992475346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100434215741834,0.0,0.0,0.2776919805724596,0.05733354924158542,0.1876930952986456,0.0,0.07439866937666564,0.0,0.10385293938115503,0.0,0.06404035620067611,0.10794058232970276,0.0,0.06778330707174597,0.0,0.0,0.06231177527678729,0.0,0.0622174842556772,0.0,0.0,0.10513261444430763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872226711770787,0.0,0.13406281027544045,0.19677541609641255,0.0,0.052559416498045436,0.0,0.06333271689958163,0.0,0.0,0.2498403875193187,0.0,0.06244818625724555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244223388797807,0.0,0.0,0.05404867265092386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424469037838795,0.0,0.10968790168659401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513176891594288,0.0871903437332004,0.058592091154215535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941119544766558,0.0,0.06936207696898003,0.0,0.04880603539271325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396284395868203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262767501248412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040902738777498886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041287943040493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055636776664961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122138559340685,0.04974226442103046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059625960078156036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051244337072006624,0.0,0.06661431496979896,0.0,0.0,0.05774187313824612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294943148845602,0.0,0.0,0.061616298554344785,0.0,0.0974166868122416,0.0,0.08971852878894515,0.0,0.047065054166538986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947561343098263,0.0,0.12997598617083295,0.04135107565283952,0.0,0.1947997910691721,0.14319576364784609,0.06775933045653326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061039973604254165,0.0,0.07818638187214402,0.0,0.06025330461697431,0.0,0.0,0.1563411037008448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638543784990058,0.0,0.14620024144505733,0.10203668966715186,0.1398043340239824,0.0,0.0,0.20024928150383195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904834545113397,0.0533371935737893,0.056182203013676636,0.0,0.0,0.08108255027143066,0.0,0.0,0.29067486411700344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961105315871989,0.0,0.0,0.052704676273953914,0.0,0.0,0.07198643529420827,0.0,0.04894933856469277,0.0,0.0,0.05656935859264176,0.1651925426037827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885161102514078,0.0,0.06218811890540402,0.0,0.06671957365648618,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fragilealiensss,2018/04/01,This is me venting. At times I feel like just ending it. Like right now. They’re usually passing feelings but one day I’m just gonna do it. I can’t go on for very much longer. I don’t even know what to even do with my life anymore. What the actual fuck do I even do???? ,-1.0517857142857174,0.8368375833333346,1.322857142857142,100.84500000000004,89.83333333333334,4.761904761904762,16.9047619047619,6.18269132825596,-0.6045238095238092,205,5,53,2,7,69,45,60,0.1,0.8390000000000001,0.061,-0.6381,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,7,14,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,6,2,5,13,1,10,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,7,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.24793594467071056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519694485323147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385431286112395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250308573590766,0.0,0.0,0.503433074221597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569311365740201,0.1815078598732184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488388121792186,0.0,0.0,0.14439399603154762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963038220357266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945735357826492,0.2482518119159801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677089060785865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216459813873816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169746321893195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815042432497585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27982252029937754,0.20963459063450532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sailax,2018/04/01,"im done. i’m absolutely done with my life. full on one hundred percent. i’ve tried opening up to close friends and have had them call me an attention whore, become distance, and some even stop talking or stop having any form of relation to me whatsoever. these are the people that say that they’d never judge me no matter what and all, so i have wicked trust issues which led to the end of a long term relationship; in which my ex then said that if i died, “everyone would get over it quickly and it would be just be a minor incident everyone would forget about eventually, as you’re easily replaceable”. found out that he also had a side chick when we first started dating right before the breakup. the friends that i’ve made through him have cut contact with me. he called me that i was going insane and our whole relationship was bullshit. i eat lunch at school alone, as most of my friends have disowned me. i’m the last pick in gym class. i’m rejected from groups. i’m not even finished high school yet but i don’t think i’ll make it out alive. i have terrible social anxiety which makes talking to people a nightmare, let alone getting new friends. my grades and extracurriculars are suffering. there is really nothing good left in my life. people will see that i’m visibly upset and will whisper to their friends and ignore me. people have stopped talking to me after seeing the cuts on my arm. even some adults. and i try to be as kind as possible to evreyone, in which i only get pushed aside. my parents are allowing me to be a guinea pig for psychiatrists and i have attempted many medications he therapy for years. nothing helps. and they just tell me to stay positive. my extended family barely acknowledges me. 

i’m done. i just don’t know how to kill myself and just needed to let this out somewhere. sorry if i wasted your time. thanks and best wishes to the rest of you. ",4.242263167866614,6.055969431318682,4.865611974232664,82.53456043956044,71.71978021978022,8.207502841985601,27.66161424782114,8.841846274778883,2.155736187949981,1499,55,286,29,29,480,213,364,0.16,0.728,0.112,-0.9356,1,3,0,0,0,1,36.0,2,2,4,3,16,19,3,1,13,0,33,7,1,7,2,58,56,26,2,7,9,2,0,0,5,5,3,3,0,2,17,21,2,4,5,1,0,3,5,9,0,2,10,5,40,10,41,34,11,43,0,2,2,1,35,19,0,6,20,189,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875828699427662,0.0,0.0690128204059015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058685889244830876,0.0,0.06601805997972568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530983182553962,0.07343360467906689,0.0,0.09056487430726347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624068417486755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956414182917301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649397571141701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830483462348042,0.0,0.0,0.07643479105217206,0.0,0.0,0.17099789019369488,0.0,0.0,0.16492368930831114,0.0,0.0,0.08135447603791303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340539740238063,0.0,0.09462177021884736,0.3333697507848651,0.0,0.13526209785887505,0.0,0.04904538446586662,0.07238302565543384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578440161169483,0.09117902559419404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321710938630437,0.09007313611685054,0.0,0.0,0.09547642262573244,0.08986653112629703,0.04742735824551805,0.07034473560597915,0.0,0.0,0.09376349277931237,0.17649197576358264,0.12191026141488567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637139170268638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165765765956193,0.11520973946814665,0.08749305928657633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693658553373229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639891896853336,0.06655866656176017,0.0833475579676963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561133520666588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058478047143185885,0.06563384202617582,0.0,0.0,0.09582418977668768,0.0,0.0,0.23931385149638001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728850917871046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528498174340003,0.0,0.0,0.18530442731828745,0.0,0.07369838461108982,0.08208956563837609,0.06862797243111357,0.0,0.17467722952102765,0.13753734547695828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797037788824746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966040229881868,0.06108247037491939,0.0919826401615168,0.0,0.2164480459511552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208090218619722,0.07542862842261036,0.07945199646133554,0.09868977156023244,0.0,0.0,0.055296547053446,0.0,0.0,0.05032130642199417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718193348363765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963491111707676,0.0992389313921249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391177825547536,0.0,0.0,0.05557335719057778
suicidewatch,PeeboSenpai1,2018/04/01,"I don’t know what to do My friend wants to kill herself... I don’t know what to do... I’m slowly giving up... please anyone help me... she’s been verbal abused by her parents and she never told me what happened at her old school but by the way she says it, it sounds like hell... she doesn’t want hugs because it ‘reminds’ her of what happened at her old school. I’m running of things to say, I’m getting desperate please, anyone. I don’t want her to die. She cuts herself. She’s 12 please anyone...",0.1926375404530738,2.387702495145632,1.619635922330101,98.73845064724921,87.15533980582524,3.82168284789644,18.292071197411005,4.7782277997778095,-0.723070550161812,379,10,86,1,12,121,56,103,0.139,0.657,0.204,0.5499,1,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,20,2,2,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,3,19,3,12,18,0,8,1,0,0,1,20,3,1,0,4,50,27,2,0.0,0.1783984788503153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31584197469370656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178486552288284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626582982007178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632847628388535,0.0,0.0786655743152041,0.1444385616262742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662936000053457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009225678272096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658120208775656,0.0,0.1654964886850663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355992752691362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161273367842747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159916107416469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718796413915693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958354031770698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947546064297495,0.0,0.30476574290006314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003069994756923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387419250834854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664267521842096,0.11951388337597853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beugmon,2018/04/01,"Nearly died 3 days ago I ate 40 pills of my antidepressants (mirtazepine) last Wednesday. Got driven to the hospital and had a seizure in the ER and ended up in ICU for a couple days, but after I'm actually glad I survived. Recovering well now and I'm pretty much back to normal. Anyways, I've come to realise life's a gift and things might seem like they're constantly declining, but there's always a chance that things can take a turning point. Since then, I've been meditating every morning and it's made a huge difference. I've started focusing on school again, rebuilding relationships with my family, music, and I'm actually happy for once. 
Just keep in mind that things can always change (also I'd definitely recommend meditation) ",6.636950527169503,7.792085233576647,7.400681265206813,69.11583130575832,65.27737226277371,10.760421735604217,32.74047039740471,10.746095033038511,3.815265044606652,595,24,100,16,9,198,98,137,0.016,0.7140000000000001,0.271,0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,17,18,10,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,4,4,14,11,1,23,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,14,55,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.3035049848233364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378476568289453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435896757344668,0.2587887206682165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957535706441247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450588685306794,0.1339555926795354,0.0,0.16804792463214446,0.0,0.0,0.1720656426663209,0.0,0.20057842280272026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161391813056886,0.16247181612691233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773312909158258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102143438246894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659824925353174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437322960008007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554019411724966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822185102772036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675903756338253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983925998819012,0.07597291158003894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714457315731871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649684530601475,0.15701783571526806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431560759506855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236393567668885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656099808194558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700446897432554,0.0,0.0,0.15820662127865226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669564229700749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573814821221783,0.0,0.14156781871918225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286370758311398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100687221299399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692198223522372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30993601181671576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914706421728762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981955392715728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badparthel,2018/04/01,"Not sure if I'm happy or numb, and I genuinely don't know if I'm at risk of suicide. I'd appreciate someone to talk to. I've started a new job recently, having dropped out of college due to anxiety and depression. I'm still struggling with those problems, and spent Wednesday dealing with obsessive suicidal thoughts. Everything I said about the future felt like a lie. 

I have been staying at my parents home for a week, over the holiday. Generally when I've felt suicidal before it's been very emotion driven, and have been pretty unresponsive when talking with family and friends. However I've found it fine acting normally around people, even talking to people more than usual. I spoke to two people I generally don't talk to for long, for two hours. I want to talk to people, I can joke around, etc. I don't know if I'm happy, or if I feel empty and am just mimicking being okay and interacting with people to fill the emptiness. I don't know if I want to commit suicide, but I can't even think about going back to work on Thursday. It's like where you hold two magnets together at the same side, like an invisible field just makes it swerve away the closer I get to it. It doesn't feel like I'm going back. I've spent a lot of time researching mental hospitals, suicide, mental health, though I feel numb to it all. I want to get help, but I can't see how I can. 

But I can function normally, in fact better than normal, so am I happy and just thinking of it all as a habit. I think I'm going to go and make myself throw up in the shower to see if it provokes an emotional reaction, but I'd really appreciate if someone would talk to me. Thank you, and sorry for the long post.",5.140308040130002,5.508482044510387,6.3902331496396805,77.83034619188925,68.31750741839761,9.623795393528331,30.884414299844565,9.606745405546679,2.7696455842871277,1327,50,259,27,21,449,166,337,0.12,0.721,0.159,0.9056,4,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,2,0,3,18,21,0,3,14,1,20,3,0,4,5,69,59,29,5,15,17,1,5,4,1,1,3,2,2,0,10,17,0,1,13,2,2,8,8,7,0,3,12,9,25,14,46,45,6,44,0,1,2,0,15,15,0,10,22,162,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710956962059297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291452757054814,0.0,0.0,0.07013923211783057,0.11480755815930853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352445921916199,0.0,0.0,0.06602477658460995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076964273551013,0.06429877728658477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679498272802343,0.0,0.0,0.08325816241506846,0.09861560021596497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709357172792614,0.0,0.07037648659565117,0.0,0.11324085360270655,0.05333233192809806,0.14335774903514306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185348941784322,0.0576769538447352,0.0,0.07800653535382271,0.0,0.16970876148631708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23840947579502095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935296619795831,0.0,0.0,0.05003853288903157,0.0,0.07488334604427734,0.0,0.0735184620371318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408188035072881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308250280945955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588732459412754,0.0,0.0,0.13213164133588856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346756542778821,0.0,0.0,0.09966331393480976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504659340787352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210062164693046,0.0,0.0,0.21943314871926045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289365423748098,0.0,0.0,0.2587759899980773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714972246403898,0.07594924372190001,0.0,0.07143312527074733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782481513115552,0.0,0.07371112680620519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101238305683029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897802827529465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650699645596944,0.0,0.0,0.0835682565977781,0.052839989474782564,0.07957048410394572,0.059618221245348386,0.0,0.0,0.07804383738532633,0.0,0.4082929635038956,0.0,0.07035985109385035,0.0,0.0,0.3600209649079971,0.0,0.06873072799772091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435044594477779,0.07334648751539165,0.05926638078057345,0.04353093916102094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877627756848286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222006222753853,0.061596790238944675,0.13209735036183967,0.0,0.05988237367159239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054348490998489686,0.0,0.0,0.05303156190671497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaysAreOver,2018/04/01,"Bridge I'm thinking of that bridge again. That bridge of memories. A beautiful view. Crossing that bridge at the crack of dawn.

It's a long train ride away from here. I want to go back to that memory and make amends. 

I think about dying constantly. Many different methods. Jumping especially, from that bridge. It would be enough to kill me, guaranteed. Probably won't be as nice and peaceful as it looks. Still very nice to look at though. 

I don't know why I'm so hung up on these memories. It's been a while now, almost a year. Guilt? Regret? Reconciliation? What is it? ... 

Going back wouldn't help me find those answers. It wouldn't be the same anymore.

I'll die one day... That thought gives me solace. I won't have to think about anything once I'm gone. I do wish that would happen sooner, by my own hand. I'll get to it eventually. ",0.3261678321678332,2.7356427939393946,1.6886363636363662,94.25910839160844,96.8181818181818,5.205128205128204,17.861305361305362,6.8449194561589275,0.21486480186480209,651,19,139,11,26,207,103,165,0.124,0.7909999999999999,0.085,-0.7608,1,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,1,6,0,14,1,1,1,0,19,33,7,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,0,7,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,3,4,9,2,21,21,3,21,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,1,10,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952812655896592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799486507351435,0.0,0.0,0.1311003423723908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967902879467285,0.24500245133428944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215986005518188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274317066216293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33068176248825604,0.16644731072132568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461205936532072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456084380174712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323403392685043,0.1528267510076919,0.18108155614353488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408792265886006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678358999651108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625531303682418,0.0,0.08755380275235003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140986257983099,0.267564199517633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634211115371356,0.1615175362566285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696622626196073,0.10795405003189207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176546539274148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722690547108442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062424191038076,0.15652339903523865,0.12647606835085892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314492255111331,0.09396644603167514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437544548124279,0.0,0.1832011342373513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263415906329481,0.0,0.0,0.10259181480363294
suicidewatch,cBvOh76Zo2i9,2018/04/01,"I just broke down in tears in front of my family and it’s made it worse. Dad sat there and belittled me until I cried, and cried, and asked him to stop. I asked him why he would want to make me like this. He says it’s not his fault and the fact that I’m crying just proves that I’m a weak shit. I suppose he is right?",1.6662500000000016,1.9890209027777777,2.9732222222222227,99.394,76.08333333333333,6.871111111111111,17.177777777777774,6.742157984588678,-0.6124588888888889,243,2,67,2,5,79,49,72,0.332,0.596,0.07200000000000001,-0.9672,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,2,2,15,10,6,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,10,1,7,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,0,3,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929251894283662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6925222342163087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811143599081354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026690474556402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198849732755246,0.14027726584782724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794676029712504,0.0,0.16712032121170367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157167378073365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569544741789628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395236456898664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962837633892715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416158071775815,0.14928507219376086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,traininsane,2018/04/01,"I don't know what to do from here My boyfriend, thought he was my forever person, just told me he feels trapped. That because of my tendencies, I trap him into loving me. I want to relinquish him of this feeling before I kill myself. How ever, we live together and have pets. I need to know how to let him go, let him be free,before  I can free myself. ",1.4407738095238116,3.4537607361111142,3.1714285714285717,90.64500000000002,80.5277777777778,6.336507936507938,22.785714285714285,7.447530270364453,0.906854761904762,271,9,58,4,7,90,49,72,0.134,0.735,0.131,-0.3127,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,1,14,18,3,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,18,3,8,12,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,0,1,43,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485295931446799,0.0,0.4146642665090465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039955077709986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246398190949942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847453399621934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695677335331249,0.0,0.26781241102475345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983067084517004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515149097602548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990780496392925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806668113416264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127498135709196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343454959793785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328224283551053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371380611731813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catchpresent00,2018/04/01,I always have a tied up noose in my closet I really want to use it today and end it all,-1.152857142857144,0.14088442857142702,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,85.66666666666667,6.104761904761905,10.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.8451142857142862,67,0,17,1,2,26,19,21,0.0,0.914,0.086,0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224493452344965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496739274540071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32524737135487103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812428269444887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438492151849279,0.0,0.0,0.29945622616143075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alex10288,2018/04/01,"Done I have vodka, clonapin and Xanax. I'm a fat dude. 190 lbs how much would it take to just drift away?",-1.214057971014494,0.7916412173913088,0.2260869565217387,107.0968115942029,93.34782608695652,3.066666666666667,12.014492753623188,3.1291,-2.014872463768116,80,1,21,0,3,25,22,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499334956216194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5438798532975689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39069269421851016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39960041514767697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37754209510420494,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,volzclan1,2018/04/01,"if i died why would you care? let me make it clear I'm not going to commit suicide but would you honestly care if I did? would you miss me? NO you wouldn't my ""friends"" wouldn't miss how I act how I laughed anything they would cry cause they don't have there human there to make them feel better after a breakup or someone always down to do anything with them talk so much shit about someone and one day they'll be gone you won't care you were saying how insufferable they were and how you hate talking to them now your crying and for what? guilt ? ",1.7960981496379738,3.9018088672566407,2.2004344328238155,97.58340305711988,79.79646017699116,4.817055510860822,20.007240547063557,5.565023196281405,-0.35934690265486724,434,11,97,2,11,132,71,113,0.252,0.58,0.168,-0.9026,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,8,7,1,9,12,2,1,1,0,16,1,1,7,2,25,28,12,2,8,5,0,1,0,1,8,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,4,2,22,7,9,14,1,7,0,2,0,0,20,1,1,3,3,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527282235923132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477858990580939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315260163015835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604988994902144,0.15466022473284766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33075256006124193,0.0970947461078661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625107520223275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612452500412273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631749255050396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556319415324773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864070842347815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395146101117302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099166137271574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067436607103584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201915136168307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197264246863794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454131236359078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551274926457832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468142152109386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420188834084536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358513875124901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277964001796168,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EsmeQ,2018/04/01,"Can't get help I've suffered on and off from depression my whole life. Suicide runs in my family like diabetes runs in other people's family's. 

I fought against medication for a very long time. But finally broke down in such a way I was sure I wouldn't survive without it. 

And it helped. So much!

I didn't feel ""okay"" but I was much better. 

Then my husband lost his job and with it our health insurance. 

And with that, my medication. Because my doctor has refused to extend my antidepressant prescription unless I get therapy. Which I can't afford with my husband out of work and no insurance. 

I contacted the sliding scale therapy/ health coverage people and the wait list is 1 to 3 months long (depending on need, based on their evaluation of my self evaluation compared to others').

I've been off my medication almost a week. I feel the depression getting worse again. And I'm so afraid of getting back to where I was. 

My husband wrestled a loaded gun from my hands 3 months ago. I was trying to shoot myself inn the head. 

No one will help me. And I don't know what to do. 

I don't want to sink that far again. I was going weeks without showing or leaving my bed for anything other than going to the bathroom. 

What do you do when no one will help you help yourself???",2.4845783132530137,4.866058855421689,3.9803437751004016,84.26535903614459,78.91967871485944,7.196851405622491,25.62265060240964,8.238735603445708,1.8413963373493984,1001,39,193,20,25,331,138,249,0.206,0.758,0.036000000000000004,-0.9909,2,0,0,2,0,1,31.0,1,2,1,4,8,11,1,1,9,1,19,10,2,1,1,29,34,16,1,3,6,3,3,1,0,3,8,0,1,1,11,12,0,2,3,2,0,5,11,7,0,2,9,3,33,4,33,22,3,32,0,5,0,0,17,12,0,3,15,133,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785554890775117,0.0,0.11054130480206907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084293295756486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488437504525954,0.0,0.06729373335964932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763245534951036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901603557693488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299054513379247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813487119945606,0.0,0.11163468377600726,0.0,0.0,0.1209286712978056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307003514095144,0.0,0.1254762525171174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329369459251908,0.23468235198782197,0.0,0.0,0.3699660249348076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954669216156393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066837118563161,0.0,0.0,0.11688883218953484,0.0,0.0,0.07797289649328727,0.053931790614402994,0.0,0.0,0.19538629648298825,0.0,0.0,0.12050554094773384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33362396109867515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622714497578168,0.0,0.1623011487793327,0.08185401960617265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960849608902407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306335952010933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516258040100576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075056241267206,0.0,0.10404283627549248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524849755386569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437026664549578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494869311540406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108468341381286,0.06511186319307269,0.08762376405807605,0.1770990672334125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324834981645233,0.0,0.2128272482669845,0.0,0.08036644567700292,0.0,0.1124985359770686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Ba_Dum_Tss_,2018/04/01,"PLEASE. Anyone. Help me. Someone. 

I hate myself so fucking much. I'm not good at anything and can never achieve anything because I lose attention so quickly. 

I'm short, not good looking, I fucking hate the way my voice sounds, and can never practice/stay committed to anything I try. I'm not talented at anything. 


No one wants to talk to me and I don't fucking blame them. People want attractive people. 


I don't know why I'm here if I don't have anything good to offer anyone. 


I hate myself and just want to die. 


Someone please talk me out of this before I cut myself ",1.237307206068266,3.7927488938053138,2.8038748419721884,89.33630530973456,86.61061946902655,4.644500632111252,24.885587863463968,6.18269132825596,0.9094986093552468,447,19,84,4,14,146,61,113,0.267,0.609,0.125,-0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,2,5,13,7,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,3,18,21,7,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,0,3,17,5,9,21,1,8,0,1,1,3,5,4,3,1,3,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919893059815844,0.0,0.4978249184665365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375476821895488,0.0,0.10295411916757516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556917737215256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355616778554062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044436133133269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583596104524616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109747239649066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664932889234056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160166129168033,0.13535757257465228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894203822749666,0.0,0.18663087339324744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819863856687791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775934460175793,0.0,0.0,0.2656227692713277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205029945138535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289599187990906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449537904806788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214469926191967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409023418764306,0.09603673456540512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917522937189447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ahorora,2018/04/01,"Online friend sends last message implying suicide and then never replies again I don't know what to do. She has been suicidal and depressed for years, I always told her to reach out but she kept on telling me that mental health care wasn't a thing in her country. I don't know where she is located because she didn't tell me, I don't know her full name, nor anything about her family or friends. She mentioned russia a while ago but when I mentioned it she said she wasn't there anymore. I had to talk her out of multiple attempts throughout our chats but this time she just left a message saying that she is tired and will leave forever. I spammed her with suicide hot lines and messages but she didn't even read them. It's not the first time I am facing the suicide of someone but I don't know what I will do if she genuinely went with it. Is there anything else I can do? 
My guilt is killing me.",4.631025641025642,5.315494098901098,4.5887362637362665,89.17709706959705,69.54945054945054,7.605128205128205,30.551282051282055,7.492282038375204,1.6874600732600729,714,28,151,7,12,220,107,182,0.17800000000000002,0.762,0.061,-0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,1,0,1,2,8,6,1,1,5,0,22,3,1,0,1,24,31,15,5,1,9,0,1,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,4,2,0,2,11,3,0,1,10,3,34,3,13,19,1,20,0,1,0,0,35,7,0,2,11,108,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884766536492875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115595142555081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296443467183852,0.0,0.0,0.2206613854281724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172968413905495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669640542625033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547691766287363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200082566970454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855398210495824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639213513790906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140424640435262,0.0,0.0,0.2071690048004524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251337786882418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833196031367685,0.0,0.2947321580589122,0.10928742660462812,0.0,0.14196399660539602,0.14567075626966594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351140955856298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340539806012156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341093276083946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275341687253038,0.10662026710997076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135996564010196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866166035316758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776283540688483,0.23437150261811845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907217398368569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635814208036475,0.1540972429043825,0.0,0.12811254058586966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428705643425456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633864556911948
suicidewatch,therainwomen,2018/04/01,"God I’m so alone I’ve started smoking weed again but it’s triggered all kinds of feelings of when my boyfriend dumped me and the hell of 6 months I went through. I attempted suicide 2 months after we broke up. Now I’m back in the same spot. I’m being bullied at work, today I had a meltdown and just bawled my eyes out in the manager’s room because of how awful they are to me. I have no one to talk to. Literally nobody. I feel like I’ve lost all my friends now, I’m just so stressed out.",0.4063893653516288,2.373939896226417,2.194596912521444,96.49182675814754,84.0,4.986620926243568,23.78730703259005,6.11248444174946,0.3428037735849063,383,15,90,3,11,126,73,106,0.324,0.606,0.07,-0.9884,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,1,3,10,8,2,1,4,1,4,1,1,2,2,15,13,7,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,3,12,3,15,9,3,18,1,2,1,0,4,7,1,0,11,54,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26196066105935845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944886420787323,0.0,0.15418464015960726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557794416806141,0.18069425013281687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954141802569252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633891418047648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356951106581228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27610451286696125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037748773608453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713928696081069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902615411687045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897320760551393,0.0,0.0,0.2766659105561185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032966868135708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397494025722441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446995145861724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413707917482516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zakafiend,2018/04/01,fuck tbh like fuck being trans and fuck having a job and having to go to school and having to like present to people and be fake to get along with others and fuck being happy I’m just waiting to build up the courage to finally kill myself. been waiting a while but we’ll see. about to just munch a bunch of aspirin and hope I barf at work or die or something ,2.6552000000000007,4.097249386666668,3.4450000000000003,92.62750000000004,75.13333333333333,5.533333333333334,21.833333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.02393333333333336,284,7,61,1,6,90,50,75,0.219,0.647,0.134,-0.8151,1,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,1,0,0,1,3,11,5,0,4,0,8,5,0,0,0,16,19,10,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,3,5,14,14,1,6,0,0,1,4,1,2,4,3,5,42,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718116260543665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868146632946475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7382072575328449,0.10429679452260483,0.0,0.11345254436144354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125065034312044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827451405174054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980988546085844,0.0,0.22085754228221932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950551995115707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839612865149764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020330388577195,0.15907676083097536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536825089291816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533073088228987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ben72313,2018/04/01,I’m having surgery soon I’m tired of this life and I can’t continue living. I’m planning on taking some medicine right before the operation in hopes I’ll die during the surgery. I’m not worth the trouble anymore I’m just done,0.9258156028368808,3.4410875744680887,2.528829787234045,90.88416666666667,88.14893617021278,4.835460992907802,24.854609929078013,6.42735559955562,0.8915418439716309,184,8,37,2,6,60,34,47,0.17800000000000002,0.715,0.106,-0.528,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359829120869137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28828041848228225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516045331066343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466938803075414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364891723909926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392933135419537,0.0,0.0,0.29915267296996506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893198726932376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547235711344777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893826235817066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NrlTA,2018/04/01,"Going downhill A couple years back I was actually kind of happy. But now that I have made my way on up to high school everything's gotten worse, and I still have no friends. Honestly I haven't had close friends since 4th grade and I hate talking to my mom because she always yells at me. My dad is better but I still don't really feel like I can talk to him.

Everything is stressing me out. My parents always want be to be the fucking best at everything and I never reach their expectations. I don't reach anyone's expectations. I don't know how to communicate well and just feel so lonely. I'm fucking sick of everything.  Especially my sister. All she does is smoke and drink. My parents don't even help her and she doesn't listen to me. She's so lazy and never does anything, yet my paarents don't give a fuck. And I get treated worse than her but I don't do anything wrong. I don't understand. 

I've been thinking of ending it a lot, especially lately. The furthest I've gone is cutting. I just want someone to love me and understand me, but no one really does. I've been wanting to go further and I honestly might
",1.1992117338577517,3.689512703539826,3.181524090462144,87.16119796787943,85.68141592920355,6.180006555227795,23.41461815798099,7.526774132740827,1.2846586692887585,885,34,177,16,27,297,118,226,0.163,0.677,0.16,0.0779,3,2,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,12,20,5,1,5,0,24,6,0,2,3,36,47,17,0,5,6,5,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,12,1,0,6,1,0,3,13,8,1,1,7,4,35,12,17,37,3,22,0,1,0,4,21,8,3,2,11,117,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.10176755641287157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354769803828668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291881180582509,0.0,0.17163608026873278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801890743423875,0.0,0.0635714427334419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094411464868852,0.09223200637428663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538986753021148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737827017198935,0.0,0.0,0.10216003968662153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236595565577156,0.0,0.0,0.06887955657121528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749001544808665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545971448491087,0.07450154673441929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114136085988784,0.2892306558946015,0.05448484370689139,0.10004010679338204,0.1185356496520643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101380132672918,0.0,0.1029602921681675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990033928349379,0.1101833042105302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859724890572177,0.0573125563408134,0.0,0.1176385306132381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094860349375875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865976080350257,0.09412169072787954,0.09867741485927617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063038297650958,0.0,0.12213785932584352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086273696894268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066652024438462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315933030450079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361586005136114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554244352548524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626600237918589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883607238607346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166564991094762,0.0,0.11945863130019994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764138983350094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682190587228322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712966376375836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453078209187773,0.08277693658540143,0.0,0.0,0.09376514425413447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125515670007564,0.0,0.11401976920929338,0.0,0.06715641104328489
suicidewatch,screwitgarbagetime,2018/04/01,"Well, clock's run out. Five years ago, I was the sort of person all of my friends looked up to, the sort that people said ""I want what he's got."" 

Job, money, location, success, friends, girlfriend, social life, etc. Amazing how much that can change in five years, isn't it? 

Now I'm nobody. I serve no purpose. I'm getting older, due to a few crippling injuries I can't do much. I've alienated all of my friends through ignorance. I turned to painkillers to survive the day-to-day, but that gave way to alcoholism, which gave way to unemployment and homelessness. 

I'm in my later 30s, living in my mother's guest room, no longer even have a bank account. My retirement's been spent, my savings is gone, my immediate family's robbed my mother of everything she had to the point where now I'm the one causing her hardship. 

I used to be fit. I could run 10 miles, I could dunk a basketball, I could lift weights. Now I'm happy if I can lift myself out of a chair to use the bathroom. 

I used to be reliable. I used to be a good friend. But as this.. depression consumed me, I sunk so low as to miss my best friend's funeral. 

My dogs have died, between steroids to prop me up and meds to make me ""happy"" I've gained 80 pounds, and even my mother's said ""if you didn't drive me places I don't know what you'd be worth."" 

That's where I am, five years out from making a disgusting, unearned amount of money and living a lifestyle I didn't deserve but happily accepted. Now I'm living the lifestyle I deserve and I don't want it. I've contacted government programs, been institutionalized six times, gone through countless medications, therapists, social workers and hotlines. 

So what's left after that? When the hotlines say ""there's nothing we can do for you"" and you don't have insurance and you can't afford a taco much less an inpatient stay at one of my fine state's torture wards? 

When your family doesn't care, your brother doesn't invite you to his wedding because he'd simply rather not, when your father won't call you because 39c a minute is a bit excessive and your mother won't speak to you unless she wants something you can't give? 

My best friends are dead. For different reasons, but they're all dead. My dogs are dead. My family doesn't care. I serve no purpose. I have no job. I contribute nothing. 

So. Why? 

More aptly to the topic, why not?",3.005444325481797,4.882181104925056,3.972243576017132,87.37802275160603,75.20985010706637,7.1539400428265525,26.66429336188437,7.993328176185818,1.5969743468950748,1844,70,375,29,40,594,225,467,0.159,0.728,0.113,-0.9817,6,0,2,0,0,0,79.0,1,13,0,6,18,25,2,0,20,0,41,4,0,9,3,47,72,25,5,9,10,6,1,0,8,2,3,4,1,1,12,13,2,1,3,0,6,5,20,6,1,6,14,6,60,19,43,47,14,44,0,3,1,0,47,18,0,4,17,231,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511442676114477,0.0905583106910227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033100373427469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785295478979907,0.0,0.09251109008118802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652616887738022,0.0,0.17279047261675234,0.08704845990789306,0.08964073582429777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029673088588488,0.0,0.0,0.10929698477339098,0.0,0.0729840375724394,0.0,0.08794384903294399,0.08853235240958078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945043920015788,0.11193626030105397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615634334747723,0.0,0.2396481095909545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39280656436491257,0.0,0.044271696503527816,0.08128765625103439,0.0,0.07107355411198453,0.06777209029700806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040867829151008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817721789190598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656935631148562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206723009207136,0.0,0.05985239966842006,0.0,0.0,0.22447353517049287,0.0,0.07115791748519817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312549562788628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094123941240719,0.08536382750365233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868748050975756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626152829034904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484025737690046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874611423071442,0.07398926610963184,0.08853235240958078,0.0,0.08010405597271149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712396814438811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120898878148618,0.06738643304851084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275783532054426,0.0,0.06523484661591214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903185946385206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838643565872868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941095046226306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216975507083283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927429815408665,0.0,0.0,0.1499406114529597,0.13452091130940122,0.0,0.1031870973534976,0.07618893120736803,0.0,0.15292430978604465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637039612686871
suicidewatch,ParkingWheel,2018/04/01,"Total isolation I've become increasingly isolated from the outside world. I don't want to talk to people anymore. I've tried multiple times to make friends. Every attempt left me more scarred than before. These ""friends"" I make end up using me or just cutting me off. Every single time I try and get close to someone it breaks me. No one really cares. One of these days I'm gonna end up hurting myself. I don't want to.",1.5600000000000025,4.153867469879522,3.1433855421686765,87.3092951807229,85.144578313253,5.729638554216868,23.96265060240964,7.1686216300943375,1.2278202409638554,332,13,63,5,10,109,59,83,0.16399999999999998,0.76,0.076,-0.5348,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,10,11,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,9,3,11,10,4,13,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924237209881527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428877316380165,0.1651036074061791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782456145316304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513206170172173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437025811058552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269540558212593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29981123054072323,0.0,0.10137166491839106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771107535361386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081207940866145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590305035092384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629569004437242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451464202594907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429935805428426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439936469936006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595242310023888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262786705343725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634646634266973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757796614822926,0.0,0.0,0.22888558036407294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lamorphe,2018/04/01,"13 years of suffering, 2018 takes the cake The past 13 years have been tainted with mental illness. I've had diagnosis upon diagnosis and treatment, upon treatment. 

From Anxiety to panic attacks to agoraphobia to major depression to general anxiety to adhd to borderline personality to obsessive compulsive personality to adjustment disorder. Nothing has ever lasted.

I'm exhausted

Ever since high school I feel like i've been stuck in this wheel of life repeating itself every 2-3 years for the past 13 years, but 2018 takes the cake.

In the last 3 months, my dog died, my boyfriend for the past 8 years dumped me just as we were finally planing to have kids, his idea, I was taken advantage of at work and I haven't been able to go back without crying all the time and now my mother has cancer (we just don't know how bad yet). Somehow the fact that I was to celebrate my 30th birthday this year makes it all worst, i'n not getting any younger and time feels like a waste...

My world is falling appart.

Then it doesn't help that i've been having these crippling neck pains. My whole face is painful from all my nerves extremities flairing up, the pain runs so deep that i've had tinnitus going on since October. I even did physio to the point of emptying my bank account without any lasting results.

I've been to the emergency twice, being scared of commiting suicide. Scared because I don't want to hurt my parents, they're helpful as much as they can. Because I don't want to hurt my little sister who is also struggling and looking up to me. 

Because I don't want anybody find my me and have my mutilated body seared into their retina. Because a part of me still has hope, but to which price? 

The price of living this life with all that emotional baggage of the past 13 years (and pilling up) is incredibly scary to me.

The price of wondering, will I ever be ok again? And if i'm not, it'll be only to die with a lifetime of regrets and lost moments because of all the crippling diseases that have taken over my life...

I'm slowly accepting that I am probably done here. I've had my best years and maybe it's time to cherish these memories of better days all while saying goodbye to these current terrible ones...",6.011805664488019,6.752043778823534,6.430300653594774,76.99650108932464,66.50588235294117,9.496296296296297,33.62309368191721,9.53975657930432,3.1466871459694983,1766,76,322,34,27,572,228,425,0.211,0.6779999999999999,0.111,-0.9924,2,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,2,0,2,5,16,29,2,5,18,1,38,14,4,3,11,54,60,21,3,6,9,3,2,2,0,2,10,1,0,3,19,16,0,0,8,0,5,4,10,20,0,2,17,4,34,9,56,38,12,54,0,6,1,0,15,16,0,4,36,210,53,2,0.07781174358918139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351459468075443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622260232356597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582930783805274,0.0,0.11905154173123154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852209160072456,0.0,0.05983242778779056,0.06496955569826543,0.2371665833473617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165862429376194,0.06881816390035961,0.0,0.08643130572565373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547254657472145,0.050182137410085134,0.0,0.06701914073469713,0.0,0.1615126099111711,0.0,0.08917899944651975,0.0,0.0,0.07962842935207542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752773836346735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051393922780622665,0.21115553064842044,0.06555974996686773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868791107997686,0.1111774503352654,0.0,0.08523896169396945,0.07111852396191938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04065342446406614,0.0,0.08844441410813295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431114305333633,0.08221237926314273,0.0,0.07728461854505843,0.0,0.0,0.1665981617059568,0.08783998723420393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276329932371805,0.19028086926076493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488220699105038,0.07602977498937752,0.07798780895486906,0.06870919516647499,0.0,0.06534226722651658,0.0,0.08494070991203677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193994306386982,0.0,0.07817235504451828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841593602048441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210859136554839,0.0,0.057200584672014915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466246656814925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272725123978152,0.059179337331027086,0.2483915439441749,0.09129531562516784,0.08640073285676844,0.08426253560802524,0.29712045535273457,0.0,0.13588442632641912,0.0,0.0,0.07355724866998163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389422022986184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061879021636819076,0.15580625940238346,0.07874963868297903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873335676268471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214055894384704,0.0,0.0,0.08134572914023784,0.0,0.0851134181295333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117009494776184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611796029695353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768614720497674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687403289975752,0.0,0.15001548820285115,0.08438351669571216,0.05664787606631744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008656937056636
suicidewatch,thrwawayy0000000,2018/04/01,"plans ive been thinking about plans to kill myself ever since hours ago and you know what? ive got a smile on my face. im going to either drown or shoot myself by my birthday or summer, whichever seems fit. for the first time in a long time i feel happy with myself. im proud of what im doing. my next step is to teach myself in the coming months to stop fearing the process of death, ive already detached myself from the idea of hurting loved ones because i dont give a fuck i want to get rid of myself already. im only scared of the consequences if i survive im not scared of the absolute pain im gonna leave all of them with. im so, so happy with myself and im not joking. ive researched the methods and how to make it lethal so now im teaching myself to accept death at any moment so i dont freak out when im doing it. i really dont think im gonna be alive much longer when i have this much hope for myself in my heart. i am happy and im smiling",0.649206819866567,2.1256310938967147,2.9642648875710407,93.7774425500371,80.78403755868544,5.047590808005931,19.19174697306647,5.399115186594226,-0.3488159624413152,745,17,173,3,19,256,114,213,0.179,0.652,0.16899999999999998,-0.0396,0,0,1,1,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,5,10,16,2,3,10,0,14,5,2,2,2,29,31,14,5,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,7,1,0,3,5,8,0,2,2,1,27,8,28,26,4,25,0,1,0,2,4,7,1,5,15,104,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839476489448589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453907756967728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044797682467629545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040157168216524916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056746016006131016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23161721787671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958827226289711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741283901505184,0.033308694222928516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056033771091432365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090095176244607,0.034417293990997105,0.06319390003064435,0.03743863453510212,0.0,0.05268675339673642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037747623217928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780629301832855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542935736689222,0.06487421881310174,0.0,0.07052121666726735,0.07436555972000024,0.8538837231041747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288161633010437,0.0,0.03620351948826216,0.0,0.0,0.06975277284411856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829785318298215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945532152277067,0.0,0.043972489744005694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258129361978429,0.0,0.09685232499189823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700594721783559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463902687609452,0.05010137960000603,0.07009630722385053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220161080012392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190598101346368,0.0,0.0,0.059970692871407424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449299591065843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507497036642305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442087828377927,0.0,0.0,0.07682521081155268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038855149099268266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lilwest,2018/04/01,"I can’t keep doing this 
I’m drunk as fuck
My boyfriend of five years wants to leave me
My parents find me a disappointment 
I feel like I’m letting my friends down
I’ve been raped, I’ve been used. I’ve let people down. I can’t. I really can’t. I’m so sorry. 
As soon as its summer break from college, I’m ending it

I’m leaning on liquor like the rest of my family. 
Scars all over my body. 
I give up. 
I’m sorry. 
I tried. I really did

Remember you’re loved
Keep going
I’m sorry. ",-2.2148805815160952,-0.5008602710280385,1.0647819314641749,98.01634215991696,104.98130841121497,4.2469366562824495,13.421079958463135,6.139981653823899,-0.7576309449636551,369,8,90,5,18,130,64,107,0.192,0.6940000000000001,0.114,-0.737,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,2,0,9,6,1,1,1,8,25,4,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,3,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,1,14,4,12,20,2,11,0,1,0,3,4,5,1,0,6,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689683110290697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902674537676305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861877319042536,0.0,0.08507635690264682,0.12020362866966725,0.0,0.0,0.15378486590714238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999579977296016,0.15555191305836796,0.0,0.1614085126572276,0.09562496242988618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911108147287163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816104581339345,0.0,0.3441106382459828,0.0,0.1644048287328386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185951510975004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683072111805354,0.0,0.0,0.11664898903085975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215580909793003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060364067935207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5650535419036394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423621314083902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532098543790964,0.0,0.0,0.09924299374063747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835270742245053
suicidewatch,thefatesallow,2018/04/01,Who pays when I go to a hospital? Last time I was in a hospital I had health insurance but I just lost my job and am currently without insurance. Will I have to foot the bill if I check myself in? ,0.8657142857142865,2.6608205714285766,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,81.38095238095238,8.961904761904762,24.785714285714285,9.516144504307137,2.3120285714285718,152,6,35,5,4,54,32,42,0.091,0.909,0.0,-0.5122,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,5,3,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,27,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095927220303745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506740327311599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207376405650888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456026796309125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628274571594825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472278585192552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087044187137466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dondonchacha,2018/04/01,"Genital herpes destroyed my life I have had a blessed life with perfect health, job, family friends, wife and everything else.

2 months ago I became infected with hsv2 (I’ll spare you the traumatic story) and the primary outbreak has been beyond what I’ve read other people go through and still ongoing.

I think this is it for me and trying to think of how to end it peacefully as I can.",5.573783783783789,6.672948810810813,6.127945945945946,77.48867567567571,67.64864864864866,10.244324324324324,32.36756756756757,10.355215969177356,3.495370810810811,308,13,56,8,5,100,60,74,0.121,0.7090000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,3,0,6,4,0,1,1,10,9,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,3,9,7,0,6,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,36,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381566351858811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244363799459922,0.0,0.2379587679083865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146011973664985,0.0,0.2532748584162449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757106564351124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268935910513085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855799181077462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666100378787519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795341781188939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444703107951288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625951762797055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687391974607627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145574079550179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443012802231559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824069126705392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rchleb1,2018/04/01,"Not interested in going on So over the last couple of year the suicidal thought have been growing and growing. After spending lots of time in therapy and having spent two stays in the hospital I have still come up empty. I have been on just about every medication in the book and have yet to really have any complete success. Im surrounded by an extremely supportive family and friends and truly care about them all so much. I myself can have really good day and can enjoy doing thing and constantly try new things in hopes of it helping. I try my best at exercising regularly and eating well enough, but have yet to have it change how I feel. 

The problem for me is more often than not,  I do not feel depressed or unhappy. I just don’t feel much of anything. I don’t feel weight down or a failure or anything. I just don’t have any desire to keep going. I just would prefer to stop. After working through this for so long and diving back as far as I can, I can honestly say I felt this way since I was 5 or 6 years old. I’m 24 now and really feel like I’m staying around because I don’t want to hurt my family and friends. I had a sibling take his own life around the same age as me a few years back and I watch it completely destroy my parents and other siblings. I just can’t bring myself to put them through more of that. I feel very trapped in the situation and don’t really know what to do next. I have spent every bit of money I have traveling and trying new places hoping for the best and the feeling has just stayed. I don’t know really where to go from here. ",4.823934169278992,5.163176996865204,5.870625391849532,81.38180015673984,69.0,9.264012539184954,28.802664576802503,9.255337874911486,2.2502726018808783,1238,41,254,23,20,412,170,319,0.103,0.727,0.17,0.9337,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,4,24,19,1,0,13,0,33,5,0,1,1,58,60,28,1,7,14,1,9,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,10,19,2,2,12,3,4,9,10,4,1,1,8,11,32,15,43,51,13,53,0,2,1,0,8,18,0,8,23,188,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131110021640258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679950754833493,0.15880463675935236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717065323081462,0.0,0.054372346844526014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720896427657094,0.0,0.09737766447942707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094008433447953,0.0,0.09435631435243952,0.07683345717242866,0.18703818635871847,0.09638793544834152,0.0,0.0,0.09869239441369647,0.0,0.057523293166991736,0.0,0.07682338535678009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126858926778082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092162113439436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030099999450824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816991482424334,0.0,0.3156971392563094,0.06372081181927565,0.08564103442372266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782342490496402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207444992276745,0.0748124003252298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978542138816102,0.0,0.0,0.17718120428138934,0.0,0.0,0.09548492144306003,0.0,0.09634573356696112,0.0,0.0,0.07928047242222094,0.0,0.0,0.09803830329840386,0.07270569962050058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300095359469939,0.04357609362465535,0.0,0.0,0.07893462697531475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583026368890076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985441795178548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113694119973374,0.0,0.0,0.17228986537512875,0.09485972468194204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359498083549428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904031479065678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318962408667623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534741625730298,0.0,0.0896654504040985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857024936929929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709313171221363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378289371092661,0.10025873775137227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852094964153393,0.07123111477848826,0.07457088047316217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756467851299494,0.10121724790393076,0.0,0.0,0.06706341956230957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200207342970233,0.0,0.11851417729198445,0.0,0.0,0.07081074013451889,0.05201022873583305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816723252298358,0.0,0.08713039857484227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359508458731596,0.05260942783938186,0.07079871264870853,0.0,0.10861528640378798,0.080196873408866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493490613246207,0.0,0.0,0.06336145551062465,0.0,0.0,0.17231565859169287
suicidewatch,JailbirdBlues,2018/04/01,"How much jail time would make you off yourself? Im facing charges that MAX at 6 months. Probably won't get any jailtime due to the nature of the charges. But if I do, even a month, I'm done. Im surprised that Im thinking like this, Ive got such great friends and family, Im truly blessed. But I wouldnt be able to face anyone again. My record would be stained, and I'd have lost time Id never get back. At that point its better to just end it. Selfish and I'd cause a lot of people pain, but this way I wouldnt have to face anyone.",-0.34435897435897544,1.6168367863247894,1.4345299145299144,100.80769230769232,87.11965811965811,4.283760683760684,18.401709401709407,5.369823440869387,-0.6707982905982908,412,11,102,2,13,134,77,117,0.081,0.79,0.129,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,6,9,0,0,4,0,12,4,3,3,1,18,19,8,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,6,6,9,9,2,14,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,10,53,13,0,0.14810953050280976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071955963412317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712325489135355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388708670094665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130990843736405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214928647424306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156747223502387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311810827877858,0.0,0.0,0.09782494804285573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396244839473939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442905586489513,0.0,0.15476223338456158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845672160619995,0.1632912802519228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6399348346642931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723588353023143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167904850028667,0.1259174263865565,0.0,0.0,0.09886426169997818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643922839999715,0.0,0.1088775466205624,0.0,0.11423120058669638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759898295332544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026804997215937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400113795561334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968712429510132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490260674547443,0.0,0.0,0.17272771660296354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175624513819484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104255219983347,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohmygoshlook,2018/04/01,"I hate myself. Want to end it so badly. I hate who I've become. Growing up, hell even two years ago, I always tried to be happy.  I won most likely to brighten your day in high school, and was told multiple times that people loved how I was always smiling. Now I just walk around in a shell that's no longer myself.  Always tired, irritable, and miserable. 

I'd do anything to be like my friends. They're outgoing, funny, charming, and good guys. All I am is a lonely, awkward, and shy loser compared to them. And to make it worse my anxiety doesn't help even when I do put my self in social situations. I absolutely loathe who I've become. I can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore.  I'd do anything to just be someone else and have nothing to do with myself. 

I don't see this changing any time soon. I'm moving to a new city and I dont know how I'm going to meet people. The loneliness will only get worse, in turn making my anxiety worse. 

I dont know how long I'll feel this miserable. I just want it to end. I'm mentally exhausted and can't keep living this way. I want to end it so badly but I don't know how I would go about it. Even if I did, I dont know if I could do it to my brother. I feel like he's the only one who actually cares about me even a little bit. ",1.083750000000002,2.794236757352941,3.53334705882353,89.1087117647059,80.32352941176471,6.263764705882354,20.80647058823529,7.24861992348623,0.5356065882352952,986,27,218,13,25,343,145,272,0.16899999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.13,-0.7532,0,2,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,1,2,19,21,3,3,7,0,25,3,0,6,1,36,52,18,0,7,6,1,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,2,14,10,0,1,6,0,0,6,8,11,0,2,5,4,33,10,24,41,3,30,1,4,2,1,15,10,1,3,16,135,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0907083875194723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239692459462879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320321780583433,0.0,0.0,0.06321099624202696,0.0,0.14221706086363572,0.0,0.0921840615361043,0.0,0.0,0.15298423810213765,0.08274757445530614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522317683013515,0.0,0.20531781996923776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148023012710518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477143177931796,0.0,0.09833158913411824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421513533566289,0.0,0.0,0.05994677587988916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268194755247221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765001995542851,0.0,0.2469854006881831,0.0,0.0,0.2455774209329829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399931556163696,0.06640539883426974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181499449094117,0.0,0.04856392833932184,0.0,0.10565427747808157,0.0779642810489606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203774733741306,0.0,0.09894983495428628,0.0,0.18354301528511466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062304208600097576,0.09820958868223907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262059507180257,0.0,0.0,0.20433740392479569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623592328006276,0.0931629848002765,0.08207890169908273,0.08226017899766408,0.0780568236243481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389340471038942,0.0,0.124093244598954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367441852102112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879396707095682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897742581951628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919058415995372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298712800938919,0.14138937298396034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288833411426504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934430969370892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407305436539763,0.07407123535107837,0.0,0.09696989653974457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448268433683644,0.0,0.09475353100478907,0.0787584871247518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084028870335209,0.10683540871287027,0.0,0.0888202499718203,0.0,0.06310875452671193,0.10110580198696673,0.09080124221206227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447766145974066,0.07378149487053713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841801049416344,0.06603090267958701,0.0,0.0,0.059858465428976174
suicidewatch,LowerOstrich,2018/04/01,"I've Destroyed Everything. I'm 33 years old and I feel like I've run as far as I can.
Life has been a series of crashes followed by pipe dreams followed by another crash. I've run out of resources and lies to keep me cocooned and I'm living in a very ugly reality.

I'm almost completely withdrawn from the world and have become a recluse. I still have a job somehow but I hate it and am terrible at it. Every day it causes me massive anxiety. I'm so hyper defensive and unmotivated it makes me sick.

All I'm doing is the most basic of human operations. I'm alive and that's about it. There is no pleasure, no joy, no warmth. Time has changed. I feel like I'm living the same day over and over again. Like the world has left me behind. I barely know what's going on around me and have an extremely hard time following conversations. I hunger for social interaction but have lost the limited social skillset I had. I'm afraid of nearly everyone and I feel coldness and hostility from people. I'm living in my own head nearly constantly.

Every day I'm on the edge. I have no more tricks or tactics to hide myself from myself.  The booze stopped working along with everything else.

I've created this situation myself through the years. But even if I deserve this it doesn't mean I can accept it.

I think to myself what would happen if I won 10 million dollars. And the answer is nothing would change. So what else can I do but end this? It's insane. But I'm cornered. All I can think to do is confess in a letter. To try and explain myself. And then go ahead and do this.
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suicidewatch,justifiedanxieties,2018/04/01,"I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I can't take the pain anymore. I feel like I've been treading water for years, but I don't have the energy to fight anymore.",1.84,3.2930430000000044,3.84,88.90500000000002,77.33333333333334,7.022222222222222,25.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.3736222222222216,132,5,29,2,3,45,24,36,0.16899999999999998,0.722,0.108,-0.4624,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8493354389971131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443433724109718,0.20394146822800951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688811038665354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394673460636152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037626545948872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463964220542325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383480168424168
suicidewatch,LostGodRose,2018/04/01,Why just why Hello everyone i have a few words  all that ive tried for months to get help for this crippling depression. Consoling and medicine everything even being open with my fiance. But nothing is working. To the point even while on the medicine I just want to die. Ive cut into my arm and face a few days ago and it was easy for me. My body is now allowing me to finnaly get closer to ending it all. Even with the supposeit love from my fiance and family i just want death. Im tired of the wicked world. Im tired of hate and im tired of living myself a loser to the world a faliure to society. Just a walking mistake. Nothing about me is good and I should just end it all like my body allowing me to. Maybe ill just goto to the walmart and buy some pain killers to get rid of the pain. Use all my medicine to make me emotionaless and allow the process to take full effect. Because living in this world of regret of hate of lonelyness is just getting harder and harder. Fuck should I even be alive right now? Should I have even gotten the help i did? Should I just do what my parents couldnt pull through with and just end my miserable life? What do I need to do? What should I do? Why am I still here? WHY AM I STILL HERE? A FAILURE TO THE MAX A DISGRACE OF A HUMAN JUST A CONPLEAT FOOL. JUST WHY. JUST FUCKING WHY CANT I DO IT? WHY CANT I JUST FINNALY DIE? WHY? ,0.8594277898096436,3.0855409999999988,2.230393252023255,95.33157642767586,84.2296819787986,5.489068733614499,21.14316653368289,6.828538100315305,0.3599961016755957,1065,34,237,13,31,342,130,283,0.23,0.6809999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9939,1,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,25,16,5,1,19,0,27,14,4,6,4,52,43,12,3,11,14,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,1,10,15,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,13,0,0,3,0,30,3,34,32,8,24,0,4,0,3,6,11,2,1,12,162,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735017888987273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050546032788299014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842063730684084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347523936797705,0.0,0.07141713721233044,0.0,0.1721115504779358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203221645924611,0.0,0.0,0.2738327285956534,0.0,0.0,0.07923168607905172,0.07452133649139167,0.0,0.07816769481201302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533126782259749,0.17328489510747788,0.0,0.0,0.06954767007985274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372868319653033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115635226815647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686969511439409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058567423532360864,0.04050953811936785,0.0,0.14643619614217102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483671694490042,0.0,0.0553483974865794,0.0,0.08330225880581939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618434290551152,0.0,0.0,0.061482633706105815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912408189823224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764611600186204,0.0,0.0920706073822154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838429534662593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081150438155792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243681658383433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623440039067069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859060710125532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629586754244415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161451454333398,0.0,0.0,0.09781434934735628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5985646603478719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060365279134663385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnpetrie00,2018/04/01,"I can’t take it anymore. I’m in the home stretch of my senior year in high school and I have lost all motivation to continue living. I’m tired of being treated like trash by everyone around me, and I don’t think I can handle the stress anymore.",2.8614705882352967,4.245117058823531,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,74.49019607843138,7.452941176470588,26.47549019607843,8.07648339933343,1.5464078431372543,194,7,41,3,4,65,39,51,0.157,0.747,0.096,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,6,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,7,8,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,24,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117835826795457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969724596151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24655425779470386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726179250064585,0.2588204415145453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260581416210415,0.0,0.22784109136646535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28166512503764024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26113540667697016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29556714079790425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400293458139933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533221121297398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965621568251903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615985117418042
suicidewatch,imtl,2018/04/01,lol i'd post a sob story but i already know there is no one on earth who actually cares about anyone else but themselves. bye. ,1.0187179487179492,3.4000906153846167,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.15384615384616,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.1736820512820514,100,3,21,1,3,33,24,26,0.147,0.6509999999999999,0.202,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.3655987619525271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134292652584349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619599827188848,0.3838673254206989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819747994037386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31296721215774553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058946916002166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25386865149856863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588056469828241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway235773,2018/04/01,"I’m killing myself in the inside and some part of me doesn’t care. (18/M) My heartbeat skips a beat like once every couple of days. Just recently I collapsed on the floor due to dizziness afterwards I laid on the bed sweating like I have never seen before and a little later on I checked my heartbeat and it was 64bpm.

I feel like this is my depression and stress causing all this along with my lack of exercise. College is right around the corner and I don’t have a support system, I’m feeling stressed beyond belief. I’m constantly fighting with my body, do I die now or wait and pray that things get better. It’s so tough right and I have been fighting mental illness for 4 years now.",1.9079075425790748,4.393279547445257,2.872729927007299,90.73400973236014,81.99270072992701,5.1131873479318735,23.73187347931873,6.42735559955562,0.7216553771289536,546,20,106,5,15,173,92,137,0.207,0.659,0.134,-0.8999,0,0,0,0,5,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,13,3,2,7,0,10,4,2,1,2,22,20,9,2,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,11,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,7,0,0,3,3,15,6,14,17,4,22,2,1,1,0,2,11,0,2,13,69,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651817275154628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496109185918141,0.0,0.0,0.15549959174879702,0.0,0.1952977526996239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926146390138065,0.1806168374579314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000029016192987,0.0,0.0,0.19454284904180508,0.0,0.11339014931651635,0.0,0.1514345694937397,0.0,0.18247468023001534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813697107295054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778009954787257,0.1256067232761174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185933696960794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945201431323445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25769211865457786,0.17621906436538834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718644826735044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560417315847514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724387390256048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903972606089528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360225537484758,0.0,0.0,0.3003007429251551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028052544507998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951985050500146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680781401240653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322310888659742
suicidewatch,pm-nudz-for-puppies,2018/04/01,"What does someone have to do in order to have full control of their death ceremony? How does one legally establish parameters for their own death? What branch of service do I need to contact in order to specify the process?

Like, can someone say exactly what they want to happen? such as, ""I do not want a funeral"" or, ""Do not allow such-and-such at my service.""

I'm ready to be suggested to another subreddit. First try here.",3.7190476190476174,5.814991345679015,5.238906525573197,78.11222222222223,73.81481481481481,9.073015873015876,32.55908289241623,9.606745405546679,3.469249029982363,333,17,61,9,7,112,55,81,0.107,0.757,0.136,-0.5132,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,10,13,3,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,6,1,14,12,2,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,43,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28506765048042965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049127553411839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758109272540187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23124295224353295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404038346904944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281647517379233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157985186560795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421855532912415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161930254864858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606901497673128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845742766013747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32069872195167176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessRoomful,2018/04/01,"I think I'd die before I'd tell anyone anything about myself For some reason I've always thought this way, information is power and I can't give others any over me. I want to die because of who I am, I guess, and hope I can be someone better or someone who can enjoy life",3.1982758620689644,3.853316586206901,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,72.79310344827587,6.4896551724137925,24.84482758620689,5.985473137389443,0.7440551724137934,214,6,44,1,4,74,44,58,0.13,0.6990000000000001,0.171,0.128,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,11,12,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,5,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,0,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171167022262955,0.0,0.0,0.1566802385005618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161101384345188,0.0,0.18959997735910572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045000426570578,0.0,0.1960538528618376,0.0,0.0,0.2037705160007119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782386799780495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210211507199412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253812122656032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288396799229695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273868454530194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368900837181552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39043518628947455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013801893964792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476313350973817,0.0,0.18291225836525066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589618240290136,0.18288118999076605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Grndmstr-b,2018/04/01,"When all I do is fail, why should I go on? All I do is fail in life. I’ve been from one dead end job to the next. I have really tried the best I could at my current job and I’m still not good enough to be anything except a low level employee. I get turned down for promotions everytime I go for one. On top of my professional life being shit, I have little to no personal life either. I’ve been on Tinder for over a year and gotten one match. She went out with me 4 times and then decided she wasn’t interested. I don’t blame her one bit, she is smart. I’m just a worthless piece of shit with not much of a future. 

If you look at my posting history, you’ll see that I have been suicidal for a while now. I wanted to kill myself at the start of this year, but I held off to give life another chance. But what has the new year brought me so far? More rejection and more failure. How long am I supposed to put up with this shit? I am hoping to get a terminal disease at this point so that I don’t have to feel guilty about killing myself and how that will affect my family. I am 33 years old and I know my life isn’t going to get any better than this. There is no way I can do this shit for another 40+ years. I have been really trying these past couple of months to turn it around and find even moments of happiness, but I just don’t see any light. How long can I go on being this fucking miserable? 

My nephews birthday is in two weeks. I think I’m going to buy him and his siblings a big gift so they will have something good to remember about me. After that, I think I am going to take a long walk off a high bridge. I have a bad fear of heights so I think that’s one last way of saying fuck you to myself. ",2.048792701863356,3.05473766032609,3.772670807453419,91.42326086956524,75.92934782608695,7.322360248447206,21.838509316770182,7.83500028581142,0.6680835403726704,1321,32,313,19,28,444,186,368,0.206,0.726,0.068,-0.9951,4,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,3,1,6,17,24,8,2,14,0,39,11,4,4,2,42,72,22,4,5,10,1,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,14,13,0,1,8,0,1,10,9,16,0,6,9,6,48,8,53,55,10,66,0,6,3,2,14,26,6,2,27,214,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169275836723426,0.17222601461376352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067580138568425,0.07310678037507598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856918025900273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618290318784852,0.07263101978860133,0.08965692281798013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556844276349579,0.09086741231650558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273650240029599,0.08485489496543795,0.0,0.05424139225652528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741814898882134,0.092411079247422,0.04152379911681745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505883081526521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184257119668398,0.12871745667317494,0.07877975620174314,0.28003397477648284,0.137761562420796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742134013922329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676733883477113,0.0,0.08156655657113968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629885868931446,0.0,0.1817136136016405,0.0,0.04513259092328991,0.06694111359263133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900291182837138,0.0,0.08230870709762073,0.0,0.21802851186332395,0.06896254179104018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554970479951626,0.0,0.06036977102800866,0.0,0.0,0.0793147958766334,0.08733862184731833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617415521082962,0.0,0.2782429674918364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839558791327306,0.0,0.07170653718520173,0.0,0.0,0.07763267255255246,0.0,0.0786510247563135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825561837952902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052200484079132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930292219207289,0.0,0.0,0.06530741580827923,0.0,0.0,0.13088261669462406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33719185292716336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322221047176853,0.0,0.0,0.05812700200892455,0.0,0.06558344353476303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898291091490357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174619060491132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786308978338312,0.0,0.0,0.04788651574714283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151209899018524,0.17865223746224548,0.08022212754727635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048438206405022895,0.13037065017920338,0.06587402626885451,0.0,0.0,0.07612873888007607,0.07410313199989167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26442223318998004
suicidewatch,socknsoles,2018/04/01,"Really low? I’m in a lot of physical and mental pain. I refuse to cry about it because it hurts a lot when I do, so I’ve slowly built resistence. Perhaps tonight can be the night. I think I know what to do. This will be the least painful, maybe. That’s what I want. To not feel anymore pain that life causes. I don’t handle it well and I’m not wanting to be a burden anymore. Sixteen years wasted, huh? I’m sorry.",-0.7431060606060598,1.412210295454546,1.4836363636363683,97.48712121212124,93.77272727272728,3.8424242424242414,18.69696969696969,5.46131890053228,-0.410684848484848,318,10,72,2,12,106,58,88,0.274,0.6629999999999999,0.063,-0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,1,8,4,0,1,0,13,16,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,6,1,7,12,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655206618180537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233789061871237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893105572156064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242745526149333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317958945939064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972799646018357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127773428533764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301653256577877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133435417908385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513817053088505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571505140188885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293816522681466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882738980420578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805712774455315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629098758661765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808182463767758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739110018674945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165693557769889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867293290415094
suicidewatch,alreadywritten,2018/04/01,"I feel so differently this time. Thoughts? Hey ya'll,

Like so many of the people in this community, I'm not a stranger to embracing the idea of nonexistence. But every time I've felt like now was the right time to end my life, it's been a driven, passionate experience. A kind of push to escape the pain of what I was feeling.

Again, just like everybody else, during some of the darkest parts of my depression I found myself convinced that the pain was never going to stop. That the only way it would ever be any better was if I took matters into my own hands and stopped feeling anything at all. Suicide was the ultimate painkiller, something I carried in my bag next to the ibuprofen, something I could use to cure lifelong agonies rather than just headaches. 

But these past few weeks have been a very different affair. I've come to feel that there is something that sets me apart from other people, namely that there is a lack of vibrancy, of color, of depth, in my life. I see a passion of experiences in other people that I haven't been able to feel for a very long time. 

This realization has encouraged me to get my affairs in order, but I find myself at a crossroads. As I care so much more about handling things responsibly now, I've had the time to really examine how I want my life to be handled when I'm not around to life it.

As with any suicide, there comes a point when I have to make a choice I can't take back: quitting my job, leaving the keys to my apartment with the landlord, things that would put me on the street if I didn't follow through. 

So in a much smaller way than pulling the trigger, all the pressure of following through with my choice rests on something much less significant than taking the final step over the edge, or kicking the chair out from under me. I'm struggling with feeling completely at ease with making those choices, though I'm not sure anyone ever really does.

So, like the title says, thoughts? ",8.976711229946524,7.081192339572192,8.292139037433156,74.79644385026737,61.43315508021391,11.15294117647059,38.04278074866311,9.627879704456738,3.4693358288770053,1541,60,292,22,17,485,198,374,0.079,0.8190000000000001,0.102,0.1241,3,0,4,0,0,3,40.0,0,0,0,3,24,17,0,2,30,0,22,10,1,5,6,57,52,18,2,8,12,0,8,4,0,2,7,1,1,0,20,11,0,2,13,0,0,11,7,5,0,0,16,11,30,12,57,31,13,59,0,1,2,2,6,22,0,4,26,204,50,1,0.08720591558359238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860602603021984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097640381457967,0.0,0.07176303809973635,0.0776317535971561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705596618386153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712654562012651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891224290707797,0.0,0.0,0.15024034907157965,0.09143374332742127,0.0,0.0,0.06962682758356457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511032730806826,0.0,0.0,0.18222324190373232,0.0,0.0,0.07631448439749637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284935245141233,0.0,0.07723855711998813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776548655649636,0.0734747450394748,0.0,0.0,0.17060823788799748,0.0,0.0,0.26456358698189186,0.062299923517484236,0.08373135467401845,0.09552981793034727,0.07970462697503576,0.0,0.0,0.0956167852785037,0.0,0.0,0.04556149160099547,0.0,0.04956113148726881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844486395334877,0.0,0.0,0.08653841512319588,0.0,0.0,0.09081154147246714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233847306283773,0.0,0.0,0.2463844686480307,0.17041762165280722,0.0,0.0,0.07717449108135294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642125163416038,0.08841311089208104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231914598557084,0.0,0.0672585781722323,0.0,0.09274448055269267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632402845037931,0.185586485310302,0.0,0.0,0.09443550842259442,0.08324791397956673,0.18137280485064755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243777766943129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766603159701572,0.0,0.09275422561147677,0.0,0.0,0.11173268511587718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447337542336037,0.0,0.06934964426122944,0.0,0.0,0.06949182413217117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26854149724723264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581610050059382,0.0,0.0911665574022126,0.0,0.19077823511121167,0.0,0.08219054339791698,0.0,0.13113599121751854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587147072088465,0.0,0.08567936929226208,0.13846351195615156,0.2542523533409444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688898093513404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531791160104813,0.0,0.1439080265975396,0.05143630843856619,0.13843999337800728,0.06995132530141854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389716074126655,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineedcuddlesnow,2018/04/01,"I wish I wanted to kill myself I'm just so tired of living because all I want is to be happy and it just seems so unattainable now. It'd just be nice if I wanted to kill myself so I could just end it all, but I don't want to kill myself. I want to live and be happy, but I wish it was the opposite. If I could just want to kill myself I wouldn't have to endure all this pain. I could just die and be done with it.",0.17444736842105255,1.2658768000000011,2.5801973684210537,97.71450657894738,81.0,5.171052631578949,15.032894736842106,5.148860815047168,-1.0987631578947368,316,3,82,1,8,109,43,95,0.274,0.552,0.174,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,4,0,1,0,14,2,0,0,3,30,24,10,5,14,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,15,3,9,13,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049595369435672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162915727378185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704619960543188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513215629731173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695637804820105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811376123238437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843714060359247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332036880759245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050963628741545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202126128607046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177110568731295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673161612120296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037000773397684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theantisocialburrito,2018/04/01,"I'm so tired of fighting. I'm outnumbered by depression, anxiety and BPD. I'm just so tired of the fight against my demons that I face everyday. ",2.080919540229882,4.455093413793102,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,80.3793103448276,9.383908045977012,30.356321839080447,9.725611199111238,3.3874735632183905,115,6,24,4,3,38,21,29,0.474,0.526,0.0,-0.9446,0,0,0,0,3,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671917066097507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398951699763434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30082699187296863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8028723138277429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miasmicivyphsyc,2018/04/01,"Drained, Sucked, Exhausted: Goodbye I hate my father.

I actually hate my father. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I'm around him. Y'know the close intimacy that can only be achieved after years of inhibition and openness? A closeness that you can only attain with the people who raised you? 

Yeah, I have a more meaningful connection with the Chinese delivery guy who yells at me for tipping too little.

Being around my father is exhausting. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells or disarming a nuclear power plant.

Small, insignificant things get under his skin. For example, when I was using my phone at the beginning of a move, he screamed, ""SHUT THE HELL UP!"" (this coming from a man who used his laptop all throughout a movie that I begged him not to and had selected after skimming for 2+ hours to find something family oriented and free) And then he proceeded to berate me and call me ""a nightmare.""

For all my faults I'm the farthest thing from a nightmare. As a teenager, I stayed away from sex, drugs, and social media like the plague. I got into good school and managed to snag some scholarships. But of course, they're worthless, seeing as I was rejected from the top tier schools he made me apply to. I'm majoring in comp sci, and he insists on that I switch to ""Computer and Electrical Engineering,"" because of prestige. I lost 70 lbs and he still points out my weight, like I sit on my ass and eat Cheetos 24/7.

In order to make him like me, I don this fake persona. I enjoy Star Wars, plan vacations in Europe, major in STEM. Meanwhile, in my hamster hole, I harbor vivid fantasies of beating the shit out of the man.

I feel so exhausted when I'm around him and it shows. I'm so tired of looking for reasons to stay alive when my dad can just shatter them in seconds. I want to stop living. I feel like a wind-up toy with a broken key. I feel trapped, I'm sorry

I can't

I can't

I'm sorry, I feel so trapped here. I'm trying to reach out and yet I feel so alienated, it's like someone else is typing on the keyboard and I'm just peering in. Please, I need someone to see this, please, anybody, I know I'm not trying to be an attention whore, but please, anybody, please.
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suicidewatch,amalockhthebest,2018/04/01,"I don't want antidepressants and no one will listen to me No matter where I go online or offline, people keep telling me to give them a try. One person online even got sarcastic and told me that I was being self destructive. I don't need antidepressants. I know what I need, but no one will listen to me. Go on, tell me how great antidepressants are, and how they saved your life. Go ahead. ",2.7876623376623364,4.876123870129874,3.8714285714285737,86.89857142857143,76.53246753246755,6.997402597402598,20.090909090909093,7.957251820313856,0.7243298701298699,306,7,63,5,7,99,49,77,0.153,0.718,0.129,0.4659,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,14,20,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,3,2,14,2,5,14,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,1,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361736226174046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858868687973692,0.37072924502809945,0.0,0.17390698630172385,0.2397288566905247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327105704796466,0.0,0.0,0.1194995812383724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358461578572186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224586674887281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420298159391304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074582528040129,0.1898606082741762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226837804663361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380105063546884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077736620560464,0.0,0.14762778803224644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282520073172025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karkeyes,2018/04/01,"How can I help? I’m new to this subreddit and I’d rather spend time reading people’s stories and being supportive than wasting all my time on the front page. To people who have posted on here, what are helpful things to say and what is not helpful?",2.2216000000000022,4.524677960000002,3.1780000000000013,90.089,79.4,5.6000000000000005,24.0,6.742157984588678,0.8361999999999998,198,7,39,2,5,63,39,50,0.049,0.7509999999999999,0.199,0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5678853389074914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727557050897137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915784690892145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27047306213589906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28248887591381483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458571631553706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204783027622277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762228364402075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293539426670721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReeferMandela,2018/04/01,No friends I've learned over the last couple of days that my only friend doesn't give a single fuck whether I live or die.,9.323076923076922,5.223739000000002,7.711538461538463,86.08346153846158,62.84615384615386,10.4,37.53846153846154,3.1291,2.076046153846154,98,3,23,0,1,29,25,26,0.189,0.527,0.284,0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,2,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708419142551158,0.0,0.21614682954074715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478373019254369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.517878839849689,0.3098447965694334,0.0,0.3215105927375357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731955282339575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959474319351197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548999863017629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YouLivedYourLifeNow,2018/04/01,"I’m so fucking done I am doing it now. I am tired of it all I have lived a pretty long life. I just turned 16 last week. I am ending it for good now, I don’t want this life anymore and I don’t want to be here. I’m done, thanks for commenting, I appreciate it, I’m going now. I hope all of you have a great life and don’t struggle or have to go through great pains",-1.2315476190476176,0.4186389404761925,1.5357142857142885,100.67595238095241,88.16666666666669,4.685714285714286,16.476190476190478,5.82211442006289,-0.8469666666666664,277,6,75,2,9,96,47,84,0.09,0.622,0.287,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,1,2,0,13,6,0,0,2,9,24,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,10,5,7,21,2,9,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,7,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810041309141966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735489052616091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616525932108489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873058632007462,0.0,0.0,0.20745300601446795,0.1530834799255434,0.0,0.402443070913584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127686861322712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877268286998116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867435815310327,0.0,0.0,0.16116256998088094,0.16151850938447662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942069979938412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856816204024204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080250806963348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680337067316298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977216649715952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852203856158215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530212252335185,0.0,0.14640114413250338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrianRbsg,2018/04/01,"I’m considering suicide I know this isn’t the place for stuff like this and I’m sorry. I don’t have anyone else to go to and I know it’s all cheesy and i know I’m gonna be blamed for wanting attention. Sometimes it’s just best to rely on a stranger. I’m tired of living and I’m tired of putting up with the struggles of life and even though I’m just 15 years old I know what this means. I’ve lost my faith, I don’t have anyone, I feel like shit constantly and I’m tired of everything and everyone. I want to be done with it all.. I’m not asking for help I’m not asking for sympathy I just want this to be my open letter. ",-1.1570396825396827,0.848598835714288,1.35047619047619,99.23341269841272,92.78571428571428,4.825396825396826,16.349206349206348,6.42735559955562,-0.4831269841269843,487,12,122,6,18,165,70,140,0.214,0.6829999999999999,0.103,-0.941,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,3,0,9,5,1,0,2,27,32,8,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,1,11,4,17,26,3,9,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,5,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974876876268241,0.14469589909497715,0.0,0.0,0.26404203342363525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820098144548285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260793400731176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451641186712194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117970635038508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327404009429884,0.0,0.0,0.13494112814741308,0.1269188340529346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140473985941438,0.10088712243681186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025820351223653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946563446904992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104418172328238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974739394361644,0.13798526940608447,0.0,0.1246992616648662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415758816061206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382925765755098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818593833679294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754414996685536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419644385405289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144959619863074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396695350780449,0.1580834857657726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763311284320285,0.16166235422160544,0.15447103364855716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874728140992615,0.0,0.0,0.4869325603917536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498844711590809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909406228503258
suicidewatch,kaileekat19,2018/04/02,"Worried I have finally reached my limit. I’ve dealt with severe depression/anxiety since i was 12. The self harm started then, too. That didn’t stop until I was 17, and cutting stopped giving me the temporary distraction i was looking for anymore. I always thought finally becoming old enough to move out would be the answer to a lot of my problems, as my mother was extremely abusive and was often the cause of my breakdowns. But it has been almost 4 months now of me working what I thought was my dream job, living in my own apartment with my best friend/roommate, my own pets, doing everything EXACTLY the way I always wanted it. 

But every singly morning for the last 2 weeks I just wake up and instantly feel more dread than usual for my day, I sob uncontrollably for at least an hour each morning while trying to get ready to go to work. I sit through my meaningless job for 9 hours each day, to then go home miserable with nothing to look forward to, except doing it all over again the next day. I haven’t felt this deeply submerged in sorrow this consistently for as long as I can remember. I feel I may finally snap and end my life, finally. 

I texted a crisis help line this morning while I was at work, trying not to start sobbing again. It provided temporary relief for about an hour, but all my normal feelings have resurfaced, and all I can think about is driving over the bridge instead of to my home once I leave this building in about an hour. 

Not sure what I thought posting this would do for me but, I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. I’m hoping I don’t make it to tomorrow. ",7.447064696485622,6.525504111821089,7.345445287539937,77.2423212859425,63.79233226837061,10.50870607028754,35.85642971246006,9.673873057562805,3.2687253993610224,1269,51,243,21,16,406,174,313,0.113,0.828,0.059,-0.8879,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,5,11,14,1,4,13,0,24,3,2,2,5,52,47,17,0,7,9,1,4,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,14,11,0,3,10,1,0,5,5,10,0,0,13,6,39,4,47,30,13,51,0,4,2,0,4,12,2,6,33,173,53,5,0.0,0.1102365139300774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316555241636937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483252262205213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117491142071426,0.0,0.09227011688175822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275474377449503,0.0,0.0,0.09763914463144127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557712636190037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800082115590746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240532188116194,0.09613460507541048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838973487954201,0.0,0.08361784297027063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113059821540686,0.0,0.08933244600542438,0.4076806035394917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188203497571775,0.0,0.09721852713880594,0.08925190177274306,0.10575290749303956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249342457153236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236237060898971,0.0,0.18665227411086174,0.09240914983774937,0.36650039970836457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465456163906305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583955552778629,0.0,0.09851532548617496,0.0,0.0,0.06571650287925247,0.0,0.0,0.08215552371094584,0.08233697023488272,0.15625938191965144,0.0,0.0,0.07909879863255583,0.0,0.0,0.06210454384729847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426318760135077,0.09888619287271848,0.0,0.06898756051201109,0.0,0.0,0.098948492276638,0.0,0.09115888998767778,0.0892738450449816,0.0,0.097629233791103,0.09908395943786294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891060581337614,0.0,0.0,0.08902617192578023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539554039239198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970604195415054,0.10510807642586327,0.0,0.07696318024306284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317075787936947,0.0,0.0,0.15557026367725527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768856432379198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961591176125215,0.0,0.22158875107837864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633533518505852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024697907010756,0.0,0.05487706802541868,0.07385037111593297,0.07463062092838522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032014454862298,0.09448606023512718,0.0,0.13218508723804215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JuliArtzy,2018/04/02,"I don't want to die but I don't know how to live either I'm almost turning 18. That means I will have to pay for my own insurances and bills soon. It's not a problem for normal students, they earn enough by working in a supermarket three days a week. But not me.. I have crippling social anxiety. I have a small job, delivering newspapers all day every day. It's just enough to pay for my insurance.  My parents want me to go find a better job but I'm terrified. I used to work as a help chef in the kitchen for a good restaurant but my social anxiety made me feel like I wasn't worth it and the kitchen staff bullied me so I quit. I tried.. I can't do it. I can't find another job. I can't earn money. I can't afford school.

I feel so guilty, I should have been successful by now, Instead I'm a pathetic loser. I don't want to be a burden to my parents anymore.. So I think I will kill myself on my 18th birthday and do everyone a favor. I have never even accomplished my dreams, but I feel like there's no other way to solve this problem.

Maybe you guys know another solution. Please don't suggest therapy because I can't afford that. Thank you and I'm sorry. ",0.5579857316332735,2.7336574549180352,2.926247723132967,90.17880085003037,85.10655737704917,6.237765634486946,22.561627200971465,7.526774132740827,1.0322630843958711,905,33,196,16,27,310,125,244,0.222,0.607,0.171,-0.9122,7,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,2,1,9,10,12,1,0,12,0,22,2,0,3,2,35,41,14,2,7,9,2,3,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,8,4,2,0,9,1,5,1,14,5,0,1,3,3,36,7,19,34,5,13,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,9,126,44,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360762734755984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793247637129356,0.1735837464268469,0.0,0.11251571833300017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916040475583382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034069730075083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195050132575708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177471686458812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445627928661586,0.0,0.07493518798750855,0.0,0.0955897491839943,0.10841000126884116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209700359783425,0.16210288474002474,0.0,0.0,0.20738949954175856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447842895674853,0.0951596939900944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233713380446307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604571407459075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377562749743079,0.0,0.12551985880755412,0.0,0.12470252124817804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085562598123117,0.0,0.10018181484701677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735276184532447,0.0,0.0,0.11397962645684367,0.12358448641115576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750259173409326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116066973824623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25195411475076385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453824124722332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711999557782424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067211879664468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482133799839735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130379434229026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700227964396776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044530482347303,0.12974434788522865,0.0,0.0,0.07269663638217581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702770663769179,0.12340519335592715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979876864511527,0.0,0.0,0.20075403405421288,0.09005437335595917,0.09100582298119107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519148617015356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saltymango9870,2018/04/02,"I just feel depressed and lost There are days in my life where i just feel useless and lately i've felt like my life isn't real and i don't know why i feel this. I've tried to cope with drugs and just this year i was smoking about half a pound of weed a month. I thought that it would help but it didn't. I don't really know what to type here but my life feels meaningless. I have attempted suicide twice now, with my second attempt landing me in the hospital again and then ended up in a mental hospital just a few days from my birthday.The odd thing was that i actually enjoyed myself there during my last day. I had cuts on my wrist and i had to wear bandages for a few weeks until the cuts healed and all throughout those weeks people at school would ask me what they were for and obviously they knew but i never said anything. I just started community college again after failing misriably at my old college which was up in northern california, I just recently moved back home from there after certain situations forcing me to move there for a time, and Im sorry for all the rambling i just don't know what to write about since i just feel so depressed and anxious lately. My hands actually shake sometimes because i'm  so anxious at times. My memory lately is shit and the smallest things get me so angry idk why. ",5.163202862894206,5.828471068441068,5.608548423171551,82.40687765600536,68.35361216730038,8.31751286065757,29.919257436815034,8.313332769828598,2.0295530753746367,1053,38,208,14,17,338,143,263,0.2,0.7609999999999999,0.039,-0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,4,23,12,3,1,10,0,16,9,4,0,5,44,33,19,1,2,11,0,7,1,0,2,5,1,1,0,13,13,0,0,11,0,0,3,6,9,0,3,12,8,33,3,29,19,4,41,0,5,0,0,6,12,1,0,27,145,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.21345705908033613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471120542693597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000150494329441,0.0,0.10224540666479344,0.0,0.0,0.0840981378685021,0.0,0.06667042860065278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160219298224625,0.0,0.18839900521252884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683351040459173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686861878375627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765016830864207,0.0,0.10501155094812097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057140875304803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330784671511037,0.0,0.109706191136786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813746736224025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031930051342135,0.08915046777858733,0.3701195498498461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175202959800034,0.053432250165792367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938936454603614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021839564872282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872974250351947,0.2324842304281841,0.0,0.0,0.0843522433851551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476454207531607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582280899561814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448605511759905,0.07006468843897179,0.0,0.10798885724908656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403512236358788,0.0,0.0,0.11068743515714947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226587744909522,0.09047130448810348,0.12293552522126208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816890195528264,0.12242982739931192,0.07741205877150115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963211651220343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532002854141718,0.0,0.0,0.08682690132535835,0.12754808069444495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425448468369568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545869619276186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737732245840475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553854354579814,0.0,0.0,0.07043015723760028
suicidewatch,alicesasari,2018/04/02,"I can't stop the thoughts in my head.... I feel like I just feel so shitty about life, like i feel like it just doesn't stop. I wanted to just not be here anymore. I was sexually abused by my exboyfriend when I was 19 which was 2/3 years ago. He would hit me and make me his punching bag in life. for months. My other exboyfriend who I want to get back together with attempted suicide last fall. I don't have any real emotional support at home, and constantly feel like I am getting judged at home. I drove just an hour straight yesterday aimlessly, and didn't even notice I was speeding, and got a speeding ticket. I feel so lost... like I feel like nothing matters. I been bullied since I was young. I been diagnosed with childhood major depressive disorder when I was younger and as an adult I still have it. I been clinically depressed since I was 7. I suffer from PTSD from being assaulted by my first boyfriend. I also suffer from generalize anxiety disorder. I have barely eaten in the past 4 days, and can't sleep. 


WHAT DO I DO?",2.819056800416881,5.052070712871291,3.744434601354872,87.15285825951021,77.01980198019803,7.2229286086503395,26.968212610734767,8.20500826718156,1.8358673267326733,812,33,162,15,19,260,118,202,0.174,0.6859999999999999,0.14,-0.9066,0,0,0,0,2,1,29.0,0,0,0,3,14,13,1,0,5,0,24,7,2,1,0,29,42,12,1,3,5,0,6,6,2,1,4,0,2,1,6,8,1,2,7,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,16,6,32,7,17,22,1,28,0,5,0,0,6,6,0,0,26,105,38,0,0.0,0.13611117356161068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183206294198667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186757689362893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812070874746427,0.0,0.08788105117113895,0.0,0.1139277127486925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883337850421621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241418768521094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408654976630008,0.0,0.19788782071040065,0.11659834797493375,0.0,0.0,0.2633193690659987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922184025771485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587557274925417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485134038388707,0.32827432756974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771482965930092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003761139605262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918781126664322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178975619415464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046320290287325,0.0,0.11313129773576347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364057821916903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228289539224075,0.33674036215956943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540247300861826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668169143960853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169420599836284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022815747908417,0.13078891139218282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966366987415437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342857693428012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075586109527013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900558791356856,0.0,0.1149605653283565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174140142890372,0.19208563846486976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565745130589642,0.13036174149962462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119998411313017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551557218686866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160575253098976,0.0,0.0,0.07397740934097416
suicidewatch,hopelesspos,2018/04/02,Ill be alone forever I hate my stupid fucking autistic brain. Ill never attract a female ever in my life. Im a genetic failure and need to die,1.7560919540229882,4.049586448275863,4.455862068965517,80.33367816091955,81.06896551724137,6.625287356321839,30.356321839080447,7.793537801064563,2.5040252873563213,113,6,20,2,3,40,25,29,0.585,0.415,0.0,-0.972,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,2,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480686725077581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751668881790707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487891104234506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039958706066754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31069264384977874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33180098374769856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630148404827831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237377206781533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919272480312266,0.2591990234811337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prettykittytimmy,2018/04/02,Laying in bed crying I have reached out to friends and strangers yet I’m still alone. I have tried different medications and therapy and I’m still broken. Beyond sad. Everyday I think about hurting myself. Everyday I think about dying. I resist. But I don’t think I can anymore. I am tired. ,0.8520000000000003,2.9771142000000026,2.4509090909090894,86.39636363636366,107.0,5.636363636363638,23.181818181818183,6.980632752743323,1.640636363636364,231,10,41,5,11,75,37,55,0.294,0.627,0.078,-0.9081,1,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,10,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,6,10,0,8,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474009911241951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689840674432375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623914139038533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791306551773826,0.24957205222088916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455313740535495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25571911072986103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064000374637026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815295033428668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27317275980166045,0.0,0.0,0.4591816394125406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745500435348596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217948254689676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nomore267,2018/04/02,"It has been a year since my fiancee walked out on me. I do not feel better. No one can give me the life we made together except for her and I'd rather die than live this inferior existence. I screwed up the most incredible, wonderful relationship I ever could have hoped for with a girl who was so perfect for me. We travelled the world together, she was so adventurous. Countless countries, I have photos of us everywhere, doing everything. 

I don't believe in anything supernatural, but being with her was so perfect it was like I'd found a soulmate. 

Unfortunately a couple of years into our 7 year relationship I developed terrible depression and anxiety due to a really messed up childhood. I tried to beat it a couple of times with sustained efforts over the years but allowed it to consume me too much. When you're that depressed in your worst times you don't realise how much you have to lose and take it for granted. I took her for granted. She worked out multiple times a week, studied hard and got an amazing job, met lots of friends and came home to me at the end of the day. 

I put a lot on her, leaning on her for support and not giving enough effort to find a decent job, make friends or take care of my appearance. I'm quite naturally good looking and every time we did anything together we had incredible fun so I guess that was enough for her to stay attracted for a long time but eventually she just saw me as needy and not the man she wanted to be with for life.

A month after leaving me she met a doctor who loves travelling and they have been enjoying the life I always desperately wanted to have with her. I spent the first six months unable to leave the house, a wreck. The next six I worked like crazy, meeting tonnes of new people and going to the gym every single morning, desperately hoping she'd see and have second thoughts. I got promoted at work, although its still not a particularly impressive position. I am in a better place but no matter what I achieve I have to live with the fact that she is gone. It makes everything I achieve not worth it. I have my apartment full of things I want to enjoy with her, it feels so empty. I break down every couple of days. It's not depression. I know depression better than most. It's just pure fucking sadness that she's gone. 

I spoke to her a few days ago about what I've been up to, I pretended to be happy hoping that she would see I've changed. She just seemed happy for me and felt comfortable telling me how happy she's been too. 

I just can't carry on like this. I am so full of regret, so full of pain. I can be in a room with 10 friends and feel lonely because I miss her. Why live like that? Why?",4.540841465283812,5.626938257088847,5.421862770142544,81.65556838502019,70.02079395085066,8.592264854646707,29.042098809584626,8.918530864059932,2.2216706789965768,2114,78,420,38,37,692,254,529,0.171,0.631,0.198,0.9737,3,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,6,3,1,17,20,46,2,0,31,0,37,8,0,6,5,83,82,30,1,10,17,0,5,4,4,1,5,1,2,2,24,29,0,0,10,4,2,10,11,16,0,5,26,10,71,30,69,49,14,64,0,10,4,3,49,25,2,12,31,296,95,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300270685107286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591391623176297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437132416588341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697549578946308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043325977965429634,0.0,0.0,0.08007592488942905,0.0,0.1885772150540284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128958517531973,0.07246455815704123,0.0,0.07518674167628868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674671037139978,0.2359256913049977,0.0,0.13751031968760472,0.0,0.2448633170618905,0.0,0.07376346700476548,0.0,0.0,0.07274712851202829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295036241788214,0.14687663593194453,0.0,0.0,0.06429039411195106,0.17964842953802992,0.0,0.12775324213091646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078112687761168,0.0,0.06824207130489833,0.0,0.06496023930983265,0.06045540657989688,0.0,0.07792884164270561,0.1647345116708077,0.06570665739940383,0.0,0.1363610852993654,0.0403929242763716,0.05961339901880895,0.11368855017011285,0.0,0.07829589248534652,0.0,0.0,0.2269784027228119,0.06366823673701458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129289731035361,0.21177720104305015,0.0,0.08200971571787273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105971934746447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039060346067280184,0.0,0.0,0.15051395471796658,0.0,0.0,0.15060475144010468,0.1388924320371792,0.0,0.18827861626557948,0.06289814781806127,0.05968415933877315,0.07951349246212201,0.0,0.12084894341943585,0.06414695220374313,0.067251824373486,0.09488473447437412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346098691426618,0.0,0.10449496029884003,0.0,0.0,0.06864359682923245,0.0755878783957678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816150094059739,0.0,0.07562762010167824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049273679812356364,0.0,0.07425707798361267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144888079921834,0.0,0.07559582073706878,0.0,0.0,0.04553174790047565,0.0,0.0,0.15261349833954715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327336183673588,0.06470299160310149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879304853781706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575530010108635,0.05675969290364505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065379750752161,0.0,0.0,0.10687742600301277,0.0,0.062121704403510065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721832817540489,0.0,0.0,0.05642472221323287,0.20721875686450345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896569655866326,0.04825449955497409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549312733590317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576364881916413,0.0,0.057011179953747736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826624491843472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707659176523189,0.15522789481536967,0.0,0.0,0.0504888456104456,0.0,0.0,0.18307699558110452
suicidewatch,throwawayhhhgggg,2018/04/02,"Bye reddit! I'm gonna be able to do it soon, I know it. I'm not leaving a note so I guess that's why I felt the need to write this well no one's gonna read it but bye",-4.799415584415584,-3.670116136363632,-0.8022077922077901,112.00954545454547,108.0909090909091,2.5142857142857142,8.558441558441558,3.1291,-2.6506194805194805,126,1,42,0,7,46,32,44,0.045,0.899,0.056,0.0975,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,21,8,1,0.34941073551414664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354891010140285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849153180834723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202700235841266,0.0,0.0,0.3699755179820595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590836330163861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367697572052965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495052910214812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31416221376961256,0.0,0.31528884143821473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fancy_cat88,2018/04/02,"Job search has caused me to consider suicide I know this sounds extreme, but I am hopeless and just want out. I left a job in December at a shi**y non-profit with a verbally abusive boss, and thought that I could get back on my feet. I'm 29, live in NYC, have a master's degree and a about five years of professional experience. However, I have applied to 150 jobs and have had ONE interview. It was a long process that led to rejection. Aside from that, I haven't even gotten rejections!!!!! I spend time carefully crafting cover letters for each application and tweaking my resume for each one and don't get so much as a rejection email or even a confirmation that my application is being considered, even when I follow up. 
I used to be a very driven person with so many goals and now every day I just wake up and want to die. However, I don't want to hurt my parents or bf by taking my own life. But then again, I don't want to continue living. Anway, I just needed to put this out there. Maybe someone can relate. ",4.42454157782516,5.4530234975124365,5.625206112295665,80.30429104477615,70.24378109452736,9.12594171997157,28.785003553660268,9.424239791934726,2.4629272210376687,797,29,158,17,14,266,128,201,0.14300000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.056,-0.976,6,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,0,3,14,6,0,0,9,0,16,3,2,4,0,33,32,17,2,6,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,7,14,0,0,2,0,1,4,4,5,0,3,5,1,19,1,25,24,4,23,0,5,0,0,6,9,0,2,10,109,26,7,0.0,0.17168798383060288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142251632375984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773966285911613,0.1488567040119382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156943486837487,0.0,0.0,0.09345133118394636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038785888939665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871239098107192,0.0,0.12208818162574313,0.0,0.0,0.1417442790915924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141310551628598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512312535626613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313856851420881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963565232308874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574390222815625,0.0,0.10235024205222472,0.0,0.0,0.255906427437036,0.12823580781331634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691028781236465,0.14557591640618647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652138505813323,0.10744475447773788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638190289749194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089915490747614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265249068966392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566891497581025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277700269633525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158501862143126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895005287078367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503788401823435,0.08449490359383957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515085103432647,0.0,0.11956128108510868,0.34187340770936003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331366357673744
suicidewatch,xanax2275,2018/04/02,"Not temporary I feel like every time I talk to someone or I seek help on a website, I’m told that my suicidal thoughts are a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But this isn’t temporary. As long as I can remember I have hated who I am as a person. I’ve hated my personality and so had everyone else. I’ve tried to change it for 22 years but I can’t. I’ve tried therapy, medication, treatment... it all just numbs the feelings. When I want to cry and I can’t get tears out and I know it’s just because the medication stops the tears but not the underlying hatred I have of myself. No one likes me and I understand why. I don’t like myself either. And i can’t find a way to fix that. ",0.31043002028397737,2.5466172275862107,3.3612981744421937,86.15557809330629,87.06896551724138,7.2738336713995935,23.01217038539553,8.313332769828598,1.659255578093307,538,21,117,14,17,192,86,145,0.209,0.698,0.093,-0.9249,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,9,0,11,3,0,0,1,26,22,14,1,2,9,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,3,2,19,3,13,19,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,8,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077190145108654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748768586060959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815861011832772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809592298955747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928144027657685,0.15796150995276392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717216879431632,0.11809803588939152,0.0,0.0,0.15109103455651313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863680461623439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264202909237293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080431399377763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085046730342776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24228745311970196,0.0,0.0,0.1462948155131088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330663867305065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201884537712743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886859486112268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818006614242128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726485919537852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006726564908525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820719270495854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082313416288176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328705224314333,0.0,0.0,0.18904725449604715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123827350911252,0.09639403021544392,0.0,0.0,0.15796150995276392,0.0,0.22447030174854254,0.0,0.0,0.17209432520397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750456592921512,0.13121598216645164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916724329610018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645470583134203
suicidewatch,GarboxBarbo,2018/04/02,"I'm a failure so I'm going to hang myself in 2 hours I really thought by this point in my life I'd have done something with my life. Anything at all. But instead, I've spent the past 3 years since I graduated college living at my Mom's house working the same minimum wage job every single day. I have no connections, no friends, no car, no prospects. I have absolutely no future to live for. I can safely say that at 23 I'm a complete failure and I will always be a failure. So I've decided I'm going to hang myself in my bedroom 2 hours from now when nobody's home. ",2.702916666666667,3.784597458333337,4.851666666666667,84.02666666666667,74.41666666666666,7.333333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.733083333333333,445,18,93,6,9,155,76,120,0.17800000000000002,0.75,0.07200000000000001,-0.8859999999999999,2,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,1,8,15,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,3,1,12,2,13,10,3,20,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,8,54,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344161669871218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164131682555027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20594822996753875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266780932843829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010113184123536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654968191995471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175772904899235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223266092659915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970306297704504,0.0,0.3868787825364012,0.22664846772669225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492183924917872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774820507339801,0.0,0.0,0.34689434464161945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300509821101955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875102113142941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856854348911376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258351014172803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562053128825071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248506957296072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121782182988094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559397776176709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299998563331318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264914777512781
suicidewatch,KRIENXG21,2018/04/02,"I need something to say At this point I don’t know, I’m typing this after an emotional break down in the bathroom, and I just can’t say anymore, I give up, I have so much that I can’t say or can’t express but all I say is I give up, and knowing that this blood on my wrists, and pain in my chest is temporary makes me feel so much worse, I’m a failure, and at this point I just don’t have any other place to turn, maybe I hope someone will care one day, but here, I will just say, I’m sorry, to whoever does",6.041842105263157,2.9652103771929847,6.8616491228070196,86.4772105263158,68.03508771929825,10.17263157894737,31.571929824561405,7.554174236665415,1.7156687719298236,389,10,100,3,5,131,65,114,0.134,0.7809999999999999,0.085,-0.7556,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,11,4,3,1,1,17,24,9,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,14,2,12,22,3,14,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,2,2,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048279472279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287634292236166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716718988633194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941462454346947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489855466714387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339909568687248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794336331470877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29575131804304283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153106697565619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943468596270056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289697101395424,0.0,0.15486537097695915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266374029613359,0.11430099272255755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044566882908141,0.0,0.16402750298170254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610549566943104,0.0,0.2914449896471413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6129352017103683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061161859324585,0.11867294961371355,0.0,0.17255939296686154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767199229930047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709301026242595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IFailAtLife-,2018/04/02,"I'm too lazy for life. I'm 20, still live with my parents, don't work, and don't attend university. I was recently given an ultimatum of either get a job or leave. If my options are either be miserable for the rest of my life making minimum wage just to barely afford to stay alive or to be homeless and slowly starve to death, wouldn't quickly kill myself be the best option? I think this is just natural selection right? I fail to adapt so I die. Honestly I have no idea why I'm writing this, if the choices are: starvation, making 7.25/hour, or a quick death, a quick death seems like the only appealing option. Am I missing something? ",4.335238095238097,5.51189188888889,5.696984126984128,79.15357142857142,70.58730158730158,8.774603174603175,28.285714285714285,9.150863307647796,2.3888952380952384,502,18,95,10,9,169,84,126,0.238,0.634,0.128,-0.9443,4,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,8,7,1,1,8,0,12,2,0,2,0,22,22,8,5,3,9,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,10,3,10,16,4,8,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,9,6,62,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274546724496064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494132188455732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132374127705622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344469137604466,0.0,0.0,0.2446724482212437,0.0,0.0,0.21508045258117686,0.0,0.2397900797754925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294957742031329,0.0,0.0,0.3061789550360452,0.10588794335068913,0.0,0.19138489799491412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893505208744058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484011217222788,0.0,0.0,0.2406635007791024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400405117539867,0.0,0.0,0.18509429908672795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731144768651912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685661125910806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23101540690052985,0.17308839822676175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887788277565213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195573634596494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577888950134374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meouchhh,2018/04/02,"i can’t i don’t think i can do this anymore

i don’t think that i deserve to live 

i am such a shitty person

i keep hurting the people around me

i can’t",-2.7089189189189185,-1.0471278378378344,1.0095135135135145,101.00508108108109,97.64864864864865,2.9600000000000004,15.508108108108113,3.1291,-1.3258281081081082,118,3,31,0,5,43,23,37,0.223,0.777,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,2,10,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651325164852754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32775546651397264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941409471569111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272525129548886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251069157545837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552474793379282,0.3214778359361294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718257355595394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yeahlmao,2018/04/02,"I was just reading a text I sent to a friend telling him I was going to commit suicide (Sorry for the mess, I can't seem to organise my thoughts)

Its so weird how everyone reacts in the same way along the lines of ""people will miss you"" ""people care about you"" ""I care"" blah blah blah but it lasts for such a short amount of time...I'm curious as to whether they care. The only time people seem to give 2 shits about me is when I express my suicidal tenancies or show how miserable I am (i'm reluctant at saying i'm depressed since I don't really fully believe in self-diagnosing). before telling them they literally show no signs of caring about me or even attempting to talk with me, I always have to be the one. 

I find it hard to believe anyone cares, only 1 person in my life ever made genuine effort in my friendship with them and I had to push them away because they of the toxicity they caused in my life. No one ever reaches out to me, no one ever starts convos with me, i'm never going to be anyone's first. If I were to stop starting conversations with people or assert myself in social situations (like ""oh can i come??"") I will surely be forgotten and pushed aside, in fact its actually true.


I also find it bizarre how my friends just seem to have what feels like...forgotten me...
When you tell someone you're suicidal you get gushes, ""you matter/I care"" kind of talk...but that literally only lasted a day?? ""i'll take you to the university counselor!"" lmao I had to walk myself there since they all seemed to forget their promises, not exactly a surprise tbh. The only reason I went is because of them really..I wouldn't have went if it weren't for the fact many of them kind of made me promise I would seek help


I expected a different reaction I suppose, maybe a desperate attempt of feeling loved and receiving care...I feel a bit manipulative and guilty which makes me feel even worst but I really just want to feel loved and I want to know that there's at least someone who gives a shit about me.  I usually never tell people how I feel or about the fact i'm suicidal I keep it to myself because I tell myself people won't care...and I guess I was right.",4.3419876256767225,5.34538660556845,5.591190255220422,80.56513031709207,70.41531322505801,8.62369682907966,27.35970610982212,8.936278230431713,2.062419891724672,1701,56,335,31,30,569,207,431,0.17800000000000002,0.665,0.157,-0.8503,1,0,0,0,0,2,63.0,0,6,11,4,26,26,2,1,19,0,24,6,2,11,13,74,68,23,4,7,13,0,7,4,2,5,2,1,0,1,12,12,0,2,15,3,0,10,11,8,0,4,13,8,65,18,53,47,6,40,0,3,0,2,39,13,2,11,17,220,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.06027740728356756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939646142650274,0.05139656314110092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638031751536895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803379080818751,0.0,0.0,0.11296100290651198,0.0,0.052560672054904035,0.13918449867642796,0.0,0.0,0.06743549664895716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038190049168251,0.06345353969198653,0.0,0.05320832422278681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03983574533582277,0.0,0.05320134933902832,0.06269399926381629,0.0,0.06453521571306849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159537737371762,0.16762016086366469,0.0,0.05902270483454888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739287016657827,0.044127620177370624,0.0,0.0,0.11291106977190125,0.052540482477857565,0.0,0.0,0.09544479381398677,0.0,0.03227163185070276,0.11850846132950067,0.07020922859454698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680452617877603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533268347565065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140230313830941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490291907222662,0.0,0.12864533320635418,0.03394649948164303,0.10069958012094644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872582150686934,0.06035419993505638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149744940726132,0.11689420351277778,0.04123113226009442,0.06262383572670954,0.06205502970921914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527976355930227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556834728748065,0.18791172578374601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569361177693123,0.05393410565604702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617854834725145,0.0,0.07914130887829188,0.06350858104351162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275019034471972,0.0,0.04912100350390415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249278659366858,0.06443829625696776,0.0,0.12680950535347438,0.10219152632572624,0.06943068320446043,0.0,0.0629654802176451,0.10467295330185787,0.0,0.0,0.06914507865516671,0.08744050377782232,0.0,0.0,0.051641455842475335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27026002671525,0.0,0.058216332805241876,0.0,0.04644242629291229,0.09929479186452374,0.2699431288576105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049037502127198485,0.07203573066527506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802957128947701,0.0,0.07286563944066905,0.04902917291245097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452053347981195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387876053098903,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smiggy086,2018/04/02,"I don't know I'm not sad sick depressed love sick lonely financially troubled etc. Just sometimes like now I think it and I don't know why I think I just want know what's next or something...  hard to
 put in words as I don't myself what's wrong",0.13817610062893235,2.2612254905660407,1.6587735849056635,98.90312893081764,86.54716981132076,4.2880503144654085,18.26729559748428,5.46131890053228,-0.6475006289308172,193,5,46,1,6,62,36,53,0.119,0.516,0.365,0.9234,0,2,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,12,11,3,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,7,2,3,11,1,4,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279881128732283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952135659703215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371216941403927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364211689154032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932040557355473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389045897929103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815144049884189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26609940101727475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037811289732296,0.2617978136406225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392217009308273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612855534467002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885308322355095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894109315352523,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-000ooo000-,2018/04/02,"Does anyone else experience urges of feeling you need to tell someone you're suicidal? There's times I get an overwhelming pull to tell someone, anyone, how I'm feeling. I already tell my partner a lot of my thoughts, but as they also have depression (not suicidal though), I've been worrying that I've been making them feel worse lately.
Unfortunately, telling my family isn't an option. I have a few friends, but only one I feel like I could actually tell.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?",4.045376344086023,6.688816763440863,4.934623655913981,78.08860215053762,74.91397849462365,8.004301075268819,29.68817204301075,8.841846274778883,2.8095075268817213,401,18,69,9,9,130,62,93,0.232,0.645,0.123,-0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,2,0,15,16,6,2,2,3,0,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,5,11,3,5,12,2,3,0,2,0,0,10,0,0,2,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.11965404138768787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530812345184484,0.0980547522909693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25720467799259283,0.2512660414820197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789768198822817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560766865346458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146015087553762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048573225823712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199404855641714,0.11559001572086172,0.0,0.30998781651288776,0.17519161254577345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473164012788796,0.0,0.06406100307112733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383144698264845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980647911707272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424244290160672,0.0,0.0,0.08184611495815783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091708043508227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830867423380132,0.09325383434453786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077816955137416,0.0,0.1212688521727174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682406715827661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358522831066732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046810028589865,0.09734219790631587,0.07149748709219046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452095239540258,0.12495462646143332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirwriteheart,2018/04/02,"I wish I had died in Summer 2016 That's when I got extremely ill and ended up in a hospital bed weighing in at about 125 pounds. For months leading up to that I had known something was wrong, but I thought it was all mental as it had been in the past. I sought out doctors and therapists while trying to hang onto the job I had only recently started at the time.
Some of my issues were indeed mental, but most of it was due to a physical illness that culminated in a 109 fever and ambulance ride from one hospital to another. 
In my hospital bed one morning a doctor came in and rather coldly gave me bad news regarding my health. For several months after that I was diagnosed with a host of other ailments at follow up appointments. In those months I lost my job, my home, and most of what little connection I had with my family. 
Today I am healthier physically, but mentally and emotionally I have not recovered at all. 
Anxiety keeps me homebound 27 days out of each month. I have no close friends. My family is more distant than ever. I turned 30 in November and I still can't work, or even go in a store without the absolute misery of social anxiety. Most of my possessions are long gone, and a guy who acted like my savior in the last several months completely cast me aside and left me with less than I had when we met.
My memory has gone so dark that I barely remember the final months I spent in my own apartment before I spent 3 full days packing everything up with a body that was still frail and sickly.

Since then my life and my world is empty except for my dog. I feel very regretful at age 30 for not following through with suicide attempts in my teens and early 20's. I could have spared myself this lonely nothingness. I still can spare myself further years of a detiorating mind and body. And I ask myself why not? I will never have kids or a family of my own. My phone receives 97% junk emails and little else. I won't get married. I'm too terrified of social situations to connect with anyone. And I have a chronic illness for life to go along with my depression, anxiety, and supposed Borderline personality disorder. 

Deep down I know it's time to stop this slow, pitiful crawl towards the grave and just roll in. I was never meant to be here in the first place. And now I'm not truly here anymore at all. I died in Summer 2016 in that hospital bed in every way but physically.

It's up to me to put things in ultimate sync at last.",5.029196058091287,5.864089002074689,6.172756742738593,77.63494424273863,68.73029045643153,9.925414937759337,29.792790456431533,10.05249126169394,2.930628423236514,1937,71,370,47,32,649,255,482,0.159,0.8140000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9966,2,2,1,0,0,1,40.0,1,0,0,5,15,10,0,0,19,0,30,15,2,1,6,71,55,31,4,4,14,0,1,1,1,2,12,0,4,3,19,33,1,2,6,0,3,13,11,8,0,3,25,2,56,2,78,26,13,100,0,6,0,0,14,46,0,6,41,267,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623257155902292,0.1887330354837048,0.0,0.08155691800159745,0.05750196027939676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688041062441799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866438565263604,0.0,0.0,0.06997755423211431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269333828815532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940571180287469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622383656795489,0.0,0.0,0.06565948176060267,0.0,0.0,0.10607200861900476,0.0,0.07083053094725711,0.08346873359855575,0.17069786018254252,0.0,0.09425062468567157,0.16834592618355926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869838673626875,0.09250545609707174,0.07283749394367414,0.0,0.0,0.05431670412523212,0.0743879941576864,0.06928814437214298,0.0,0.07390923294630669,0.0,0.23257692239876476,0.0,0.04158145314775576,0.0,0.0,0.09008651629952967,0.0,0.0699506744916647,0.0,0.0,0.06353603344639941,0.0,0.042965391797738166,0.0,0.09347426335107943,0.0,0.06577237021695355,0.0,0.0,0.08142747116549275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874139908289331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249032692772489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583396927088742,0.16321488962148825,0.07309594506068831,0.0,0.0,0.04519525560833227,0.13406811696973334,0.0,0.0,0.08935064443087562,0.0,0.11617272455703448,0.040176800771112096,0.16484597848109345,0.0,0.0727770783963739,0.0,0.0,0.08977130288678416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24862639190097136,0.0,0.0830358370087927,0.0,0.3938443066785376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268523510264366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145171841242714,0.06254487655783021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850443685646015,0.0,0.0718060986656367,0.0859200687678629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267080954909689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119902848437856,0.0,0.09315838904302656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858086032632849,0.0,0.06802722259764016,0.09243773356317957,0.0,0.16766034886611667,0.0,0.06330999182501787,0.0,0.0,0.05820770888169278,0.0,0.19702351007941055,0.06875373992682772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899538330507064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954833920882925,0.05463454951499197,0.0,0.0,0.06528692138732428,0.09590600827960566,0.0,0.07795097592486283,0.0,0.0,0.0558334644010251,0.08945014425196768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785406412668367,0.0,0.06527583214409513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420602105040769,0.0,0.09456838914254063,0.07927344757957193,0.0,0.059869450649855674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899131524194011,0.0,0.05295787444536125
suicidewatch,muffin_1234,2018/04/02,"I think I'm finally at peace with the thought of dying I've been through a number of depressive episodes over the last couple of years and have considered suicide a number of times, but I think I'm finally ready to die. I just finished rewriting my suicide note. I plan on spending the Easter holidays with my family and a few old friends and when I come back to the town in which I currently live I'm going to finally put an end to my life and be at peace after so many years of trying to find a purpose to exist. I'm going to try to be as good and as helpful to as many people as I can over the next week. I don't think I was a good person during my life. My depression made me bitter and angry and I regret that now. I know one week can't fix that, but it's all I can do with the time I have left.
 
The purpose of this post is not to ask for help, I feel like I am finally ready to take the long nap at this point. I just wanted to wish all of you a lot of luck in finding your own purpose in this life and if you do find it, I hope you live a long and happy life, much longer than the one I had. :) ",7.232851239669423,3.6532472438016574,7.988495867768595,80.89183471074381,66.23140495867769,11.33289256198347,33.704132231404955,8.841846274778883,2.4469838016528933,851,23,204,10,10,290,125,242,0.118,0.659,0.222,0.9797,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,4,0,1,6,11,1,0,17,0,15,4,0,1,2,37,34,18,4,5,6,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,8,13,0,0,9,2,1,4,3,4,0,2,5,2,28,7,40,27,6,39,0,3,0,0,9,12,0,4,23,135,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942957124038869,0.0,0.0,0.07755941397102686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688677601664824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160585874361352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375077269672765,0.0,0.20936511916365408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933697576988645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508710306553927,0.0,0.051000673845401405,0.07205839887843991,0.0,0.4419733018309606,0.2765679704925735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792850595470882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464848044553867,0.16920254559776945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737329797365966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521615994856268,0.0,0.0,0.10018229152573777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543309134602738,0.0822189196027356,0.0,0.0,0.10959076053217412,0.0,0.2849774015261777,0.049277833196403116,0.0,0.17813233086357094,0.1785257492337062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575231909238103,0.0,0.09544146171314304,0.0,0.2045237570462617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414781565769728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727170108907244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584147109098542,0.0,0.13669827074257745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992750113602475,0.08807194412238828,0.0,0.0,0.09535058681555034,0.0,0.09660135504264948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139777894165172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206611723866786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583837209542957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938917951996564,0.0,0.08007601302950128,0.11763107534269825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369622315726693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059493139333637785,0.0,0.16181658711765526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599045260889412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990826811829975
suicidewatch,akainu26,2018/04/02,"My life is just miserable and I want to end it Im turning 27 next week and Im convinced that my best years have already gone by. Although I still have a slim, fit body and a youthful pretty face, my hair has started to grey which looks incredibly gross. Thats the reason why I gave up on dating a while ago...who in their minds would want to date a guy in his mid-20s with silver hair? Im doomed to be forever alone. Im so ashamed of my hair that I wont leave my house without a cap. I have also given up on my dreams...I wanted to become an actor (Im very talented) but I think Im too old now to pursue an acting career. On top of that, I live in a third world country that offers no jobs but Im not allowed to get out of here. Sometimes I just lay in my bed all day and cry my eyes out.",0.7133904761904724,2.0242274628571444,2.917714285714286,94.92361904761907,80.08571428571429,5.5809523809523816,20.80952380952381,6.079149491110277,-0.06170476190476215,606,16,148,4,15,207,112,175,0.105,0.7959999999999999,0.099,-0.7113,2,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,0,2,9,0,8,7,6,2,1,22,19,10,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,7,7,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,4,0,1,3,6,18,3,24,13,2,29,1,2,3,0,5,14,0,0,13,87,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359696114095907,0.0,0.0,0.10935682187087424,0.11651844825245397,0.08443829748912778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661311457770042,0.0,0.0,0.11080758261791382,0.0,0.0,0.11728392601271348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598292707051447,0.0680952120502022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351919813482544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516511855254522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454824016092963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183381570209667,0.0,0.0,0.7983684447324771,0.0,0.10477931608183276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111801932607517,0.0,0.0,0.07457958434232598,0.0,0.0,0.09323571007797583,0.0,0.08866691959072286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066132903957602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229351992224357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079633511811504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742046201362146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085615508560951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442875206639053,0.0,0.07473538647678897,0.0,0.08432232576344886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765621608794807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484889595401848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712075778202408,0.18683475583513096,0.0,0.08469593548329085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527630907752843,0.0,0.0,0.10178259642976838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500634110568043,0.0,0.0,0.06799489774984321
suicidewatch,hockeychick23,2018/04/02,"In a reallybad place right now So I’m in a horrible state today. Usually I just act like everything’s fine and try living my life the best I can, suppressing every single memory and thought. I know it’s not healthy, but I need to carry on somehow and therapy didn’t work the slightest.
I suppose I just need to get it all of my chest at this point and this sub seems like a good place for this.

Idk how to start this... You’ve gotta know I look like a happy, blonde chick who’s got everything she could ask for. People think I’m arrogant and rude when I’m actually just scared to talk to them... There’s still a lot more than what I’ll write here, but I want to keep it short.

I’ve had loads of family issues. My dad cheated on my mother for 12 years. Starting when I was like 3 maybe. They’re still married. But it left him with severe depression and burnout syndrome, he’s drinking as well.
Meaning for me that he never actually was a dad to me. I barely saw him growing up and we never bonded. If we talk he usually just tells me to shut up or hang myself. I can barely bring myself to say hello at this point. So that’s that.

I was a pretty outgoing child and got along with anyone, but after transferring to middle school at 9 I became extremely shy, insecure and basically ate my feelings.
I became fat and was bullied in school for every single day for over five years. By now, I understand why they did it. I was ugly and too scared to talk after all. I’d rather spend my tome with books and video games than with actual people. That was when I started therapy.

At 14 I transferred schools and it became much better. I found some friends and my looks changed for the better. I finally felt like being in control at 16. Even though that was the time when my dad‘s cheating was revealed, I handled it quite well considering the situation.

At 17 I met my first bf, everything was going great. He was a quiet nerd and I really loved that. He was smart, ambitious and made me feel like I was worth something. I felt loved for the first time in my life.
Until he started to make me dependent on him. It began slowly so I didn’t realize it. After about half a year, I felt completely worthless and anything I did was only for the sake of pleasing him. To shorten this: there was verbal and physical abuse, blackmail, rape and other stuff.

I finally managed to build up the courage to leave, but couldn’t handle it all.
I dropped out of school, started cutting a lot, drank until I passed out, had tons of one night stands to get over my fear of men and took very strong meds. I did anything to simply forget. He proceeded to stalk me and my friends to get me back. I never was so terrified.
I got back into therapy. This was 3 years ago and I still wake up screaming from the nightmares. When I do, I just want to end it all. There’s still mot a single day going by that I’m not terrified of him coming back.
But things only get worse from here.

In that summer at 17 I made the mistake of telling my dad. He said it was all my fault. I fell into a very deep hole and the alcohol/medication thing got way worse. I didn’t really tell anyone after that.
Except an Internet friend. We’d been talking for quite a while. She proceeded to ask me for very specific details about the physical abuse and rape. Later on she said she used that to get off and blamed me for being mad since „she (mtf pre-op) would never be able to experience this“. She also called me a whore, a slut and whatnot. Needless to say I’d stopped talking to her. She hit me up un Saturday rambling about how selfless she’d always picked me up and what a disgusting person I was for not answering her texts etc etc.
I guess this is what makes me write all this.

So about the same time of the breakup, my best friend killed himself. I still remember exactly how he told me he knew I could do this all without him and how he’d watch out for me from above.
I still think about how I could’ve saved him. I still think it’s all my fault.

At 18 I then met a guy I felt like I could trust. We became a couple and moved in together a few months before my 19th birthday. Well a few days before my birthday I found out he hadn’t been paying rent formonths, which got us thrown out. I immediately broke up. I lost all my savings in this.
Haven’t trusted any man ever since. Or anyone at all really.

Then later that year there was a horrible car crash. Rolled over two times and crashed into a tree. I still get terrified to drive in the rain.

I’m 20 now and as I said, I try my best to suppress all of this. I’m also completely clean from alcohol and medication, but still cut when I get a panic attack. It’s the only thing that’ll bring me down. Believe me, I’ve tried anything.

But at this point I’m so scared of people. Scared of being addicted again. Scared of him coming back. Scared of talking to my dad. Honestly often just scared of myself. I’m worrying I’ll just snap and end it all.
It just all terrifies me and I can’t handle it anymore.

If anyone actually read all this. Thank you for caring enough and sorry for wasting your time.",2.382824400118082,4.291394182347241,3.716527959347197,88.3769662737739,77.1086323957323,6.926837599628898,23.03969341711298,7.856488526724738,1.0802241302239284,3986,122,831,63,92,1305,411,1031,0.194,0.6729999999999999,0.133,-0.9979,1,0,4,0,3,1,119.0,5,2,2,15,65,67,11,10,40,0,50,17,3,13,20,160,132,74,1,13,26,6,6,7,5,3,6,7,2,6,54,53,5,5,22,5,4,15,15,32,3,6,57,18,128,35,130,60,32,148,0,4,5,6,83,54,0,12,82,553,182,13,0.04212275291129548,0.09981714847271256,0.16442292224506722,0.04592001822516333,0.0,0.0,0.03733927891438647,0.09003282503000835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737110056926307,0.03504950480557878,0.0,0.0,0.028644916430426305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177445216665214,0.11781283295346405,0.0,0.10399030966453686,0.0,0.07875817563678457,0.047920712474650434,0.0,0.12955918762568092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168672048032779,0.047457917972344034,0.13261569123920844,0.0745083037616682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04301204032854376,0.0,0.04294695392738456,0.0,0.04456028730243456,0.07257004365928167,0.088329810017164,0.0,0.04724424916039833,0.13452636256027922,0.046608024908783435,0.0,0.08149707269814689,0.0,0.036280265359424316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126426155355198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461651276791093,0.04352406387898145,0.09395600828592904,0.027821681028766462,0.0381024415813825,0.07098047213440509,0.0,0.11357164267765599,0.041204135069821804,0.03970958261576315,0.04739980784760439,0.042597059038125655,0.030092503096353487,0.16177779409842338,0.09228683374085617,0.0,0.07165918421585928,0.0,0.09237084877798356,0.1301757376370419,0.0,0.15405179890547702,0.0,0.04787866239742199,0.03533056664151908,0.1684470674493637,0.046440483791084335,0.0464029612929462,0.04170814791196127,0.0,0.04484045374348171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043965210204612484,0.0,0.037440638211146564,0.04660258509128859,0.0,0.04629912678978166,0.0,0.0,0.04460191328768112,0.045766494287634164,0.0,0.05950509219809452,0.14405334559017333,0.0,0.03719516254528197,0.0,0.07074500711815639,0.0,0.045981960700238224,0.07162251640256921,0.07603485816903739,0.0797151345804491,0.056234529313653206,0.0,0.04231796698219891,0.04588402662856143,0.0935777651790993,0.042434242019766574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0336219794992919,0.044769820107601895,0.030965070095870705,0.06246697509652298,0.12995065532215053,0.0,0.0,0.039529350133712886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02854346751810758,0.09610875513894718,0.0,0.049421974687280434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760783935843312,0.03677996309182245,0.08801862284271822,0.046238133471305835,0.11945885033443,0.0,0.0,0.042853983113812964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960546542661142,0.042134151926457385,0.0,0.08095474238912513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771686770856223,0.03597260083143464,0.12020515209599872,0.06699540759713384,0.29520556826505856,0.17052189909072413,0.0,0.038346972230483965,0.0,0.04758672102483388,0.0,0.0696887529854832,0.04734773914645897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032428153122627125,0.0,0.047152973243620604,0.14907350657617174,0.0,0.30275356398424835,0.03521650756586277,0.0,0.0,0.04822047430309472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031400392514664,0.11045142803988428,0.03878097151038648,0.14451311696515132,0.0,0.08395345598944466,0.08097167767002596,0.04138539086644975,0.03344076065440992,0.12281057982391072,0.0,0.03992744447568816,0.040250095537661804,0.04679992838152994,0.08579575264994982,0.0,0.041147808918950465,0.04385127131932706,0.05066848531451768,0.0363805340375632,0.0927845225481711,0.10426704781012837,0.04969018205995546,0.03343508060822633,0.0,0.0,0.11362024081953714,0.0,0.03800923272734656,0.0,0.0,0.04060483065254585,0.0,0.030665865798988994,0.04277770026850453,0.08585336772813652,0.029922795107361688,0.0,0.0,0.1356283591308576
suicidewatch,curbstomp1993,2018/04/02,"In pain help So I've been in physical and mental pain for a bit and in staring at my pain killers thinking I could just end it , i know it cowardly but god i need the pain to stop just wondering if any tips to help me through the night so i can maybe get some help",1.0986206896551742,2.5321771379310363,2.56503448275862,97.33341379310345,79.3448275862069,6.708965517241379,23.66896551724138,7.554174236665415,0.6990027586206891,206,7,52,3,5,67,41,58,0.257,0.58,0.16399999999999998,-0.6757,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,13,8,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,8,6,2,7,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106539605722448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436087046114092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421411666800907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768029368486522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301247517098353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35798599003195536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783973598810652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885342571970678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941072365408375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320057801342446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706756472640294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7577389479767341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488396884162237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140733906526269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930641724521323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ModerateArtist,2018/04/02,"Suicide attempt by pills If you attempted suicide by sleeping pills or something similar and realized you cant go through with it: call poison control BEFORE going to the hospital. it’ll save you thousands of dollars. theyll ask for your weight and height and how many you took so please know that.
I tried to kill myself a week ago and went to the hospital without calling poison control; they called poison control themselves and determined i would be okay and it still cost my mom almost $2,000.",6.9709057971014525,8.153717467391306,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,64.54347826086956,8.742028985507247,37.072463768115945,8.841846274778883,3.4243855072463774,405,20,66,6,6,124,69,92,0.221,0.684,0.096,-0.9494,0,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,5,2,5,3,6,4,0,3,1,5,7,1,4,0,19,11,10,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,4,7,1,3,2,0,2,4,2,4,0,1,2,1,11,2,10,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,3,3,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417465030604148,0.0,0.15156872637006205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415044824384097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287992287436621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46367731015353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509301260846705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720467821305453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746133668832075,0.0,0.08318544609200447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345887765941174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772751550694238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661517193072038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147285841301786,0.0,0.0,0.11652705225710315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087912293716305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311343028948002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817046840506036,0.10276591161053313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141470606827814,0.18432002080674592,0.0,0.1403155230978091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590905641303795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752431987010568,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ans1995,2018/04/02,"I just want to die I tried to kill myself a short time agoand woke up in the hospital I hate my life. I’ve lost more in the past year than in my whole life. I lost the person I loved more than anyone in my entire life. I can’t stop drinking alcohol I’m drinking almost a half a fifth a day. I’m gaining weight. I hate the things I once loved. I’ve always been smart but never been successful and I never will be. Time is just passing me by and my mistakes are catching up with me. I hate this world. I hate this life. I hate myself so much. I’m a burden to my family. I let them down so much. I can’t escape these feelings they only get worse. I’ve struggled my whole life and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of living. I’ve tried medicine, counseling everything and nothing helps. I’m hate myself. Especially for losing the person I loved the most. I just want this daily pain to go away so bad. ",-0.2925614035087705,1.9078382263157887,1.843815789473684,95.94379385964916,90.42105263157896,4.640350877192981,16.337719298245613,6.21433560688645,-0.4482807017543857,693,16,157,7,24,231,97,190,0.35100000000000003,0.564,0.085,-0.9965,0,0,3,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,2,5,6,20,7,1,11,0,9,15,0,0,2,18,32,8,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,6,5,4,1,1,2,0,3,4,15,0,1,5,2,29,5,19,24,7,21,0,3,0,3,8,10,0,2,8,95,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212886979416133,0.09569355742125896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951691644565638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682058167549035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897855384230756,0.0,0.07979196130715749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163088424264655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918036057151504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723270735757944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588677521018484,0.0,0.09008924891991453,0.0,0.048320037660363684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992825388717903,0.0,0.05431123233415288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660980843030514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405454524787059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105727424264943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772068060227657,0.3374984518792565,0.0,0.0,0.08438477658106684,0.0,0.0,0.10691168911819478,0.2086388237032281,0.0,0.2587507654183321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050109439237107,0.0,0.1474097203174323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916962503356285,0.0,0.0,0.1017725577326892,0.0,0.07268074013666997,0.10168685035324357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912266661756753,0.0,0.16688562467685775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989579610770461,0.0,0.09990425826836404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348848561738878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114482919935138,0.219673555775254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976338719955094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273226474806068,0.0,0.0,0.11637122589453852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133876212399356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973878961498171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061540092851487524
suicidewatch,freak18,2018/04/02,"why? I feel so depressed and suicidal. ( I am diagnosed with depression a few years ago). I really want to cut myself again, and honestly I want to kill myself but I don't have the courage to do it. I feel hopeless. I have no friends, no job, no privacy in my parent's house.. I just turned 21 and I really don't want to exist anymore. I really feel so low. I look at all those people around me with jobs, friends, optimistic and mentally stable. I am jealous that I am not like them and it really hurts me, I just want to take the razor blade and cut my arm again..I am so desperate for... for having someone. I hate myself, I hate the way I look, my body. I've gained like 15 kg because so many guys turned me down ( and yes I'm a guy as well ). I don't want to feel that way, but it feels theres no way out. I don't know what to do. What to do? I really want to cut my arm right now but my parents are not supportive at all.. I have no friends, no one to go out with, no social life at all. I play pc games just to forget how depressed and mentally unstable I am...",-0.4157793522267213,1.5852081710526311,2.2694736842105283,94.41054655870444,87.90350877192982,6.3147098515519575,18.856950067476387,7.61054688173877,0.4894609986504723,805,23,193,16,26,279,108,228,0.321,0.528,0.151,-0.9945,4,0,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,1,1,13,23,7,0,5,1,17,5,3,1,3,39,39,17,2,6,8,2,5,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,8,14,0,0,6,2,0,1,13,13,1,1,0,7,35,10,25,39,4,18,0,6,2,0,10,10,0,0,6,127,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090604002596927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136597927535916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098957864899117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230695816567669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353352723738655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641028980002059,0.1037421487644488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25840510046812765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369042041083541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058088942506627037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202410183142148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182466658014547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793792469011763,0.1094191321705774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285755671245148,0.0,0.11308147514888885,0.0,0.05617256580550329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219474618682689,0.0998703936859167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166321886798497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362604648688092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060095640874802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926090916392875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22698673529844754,0.0,0.0,0.07086033024314198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32739534626416394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728774935966319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419137864018713,0.08660316155108316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180239028378222,0.11598798280361625,0.0,0.0,0.07685005190348378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235272471294812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36172064769044215,0.24339132021285675,0.0,0.0,0.09190008389360783,0.0,0.0922296498717026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582061871673983
suicidewatch,TreeBeard_the_Swole,2018/04/02,"I'm tired of everything Things are stagnating. I don't have anyone who wants me around, people just blatantly lie to me about that not being true. I'm not really needed for anything anyway, and I don't think anyone is gonna notice if I stopped this nasty living habit.

I'm tired of getting up every morning to deal with the same shit, get the same results, and keep failing at being happy. I think that today might be my last day going through the motions. 

Y'all don't need to comment and try stopping it, its not like anyone's gonna care or miss me, I just wanted to tell someone how I feel.",5.588928571428569,5.50268775,6.042380952380952,82.275,67.33333333333334,8.19047619047619,28.809523809523807,7.447530270364453,1.6424523809523808,470,14,92,4,7,152,84,120,0.21,0.736,0.055,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,1,0,3,0,10,3,1,2,2,29,28,6,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,0,1,11,4,13,22,2,10,0,2,0,0,5,3,1,3,6,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489127574749324,0.0,0.13687830013884114,0.14807208209897585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958809148713114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727134877470304,0.17148253754104864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014314987836352,0.0,0.14948982692562168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410321669675068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380477993328602,0.0,0.09453116270672317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706510651795493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478448597081954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558400488751754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126214755958791,0.0,0.14687553020112729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645356083434427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24666836920507595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893717952053476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115314707388629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106557501003193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073895018210491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093383701326806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781245122545757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538281275224074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050458820332792,0.21315958447699415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823517852732748,0.1576647116356435,0.0,0.0,0.11292952987390173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962156188176748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RickyWicky,2018/04/02,"The silver lining I've been suicidal since my teen years. I recently turned 27. I still don't feel better about life, the universe or anything. However, I've used my suicidal thoughts and depression as a way to not feel anxious about taking risks or trying new things. This is a realisation I came to last year and it has helped me a lot.

My reasoning is that if the results of my actions are bad enough, then I could always just kill myself. It's a safety net, basically.

Maybe this can help others as well. Just know that you don't have to give up and die, you can let suicidal thoughts work for you and at least stand a chance of feeling a little bit better during the darker days, by knowing that you always have a way out. So please get out there and live a little. It has kept me alive for over a decade.",3.840185185185185,5.12770048765432,4.607098765432099,86.07694444444445,71.90123456790123,7.622222222222224,24.61111111111111,8.07648339933343,1.2540518518518518,637,18,131,9,12,205,106,162,0.201,0.6990000000000001,0.1,-0.9725,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,4,0,3,8,7,1,1,13,0,14,1,0,3,0,27,28,12,5,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,5,3,15,3,17,21,4,20,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,4,8,88,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638697322769565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689432255196322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070017416705332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856772223403016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299979189542058,0.14195660289496245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871708189362298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381656094438266,0.0,0.0,0.08385712811013597,0.0,0.1119926922301892,0.0,0.13494825369875088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343534023887638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723777963749586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793412156879959,0.1247344456601188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430969141183705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438564166373755,0.0,0.14291967839059933,0.10598995349090908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329621622823384,0.09184243018414316,0.0,0.26064388741014244,0.1148168666937149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054492513711714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306303304315168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558159066882765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273139955976696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369016122988306,0.1283866954662935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756028088120824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384031213350416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266876926536877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977646698601643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638464525310004,0.0,0.0,0.20645498475880925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828029256854489,0.1414328304642559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230220923895104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641991755862246,0.0,0.0,0.11691054383754662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946617351437408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746718836092578
suicidewatch,BagOfCuriosity,2018/04/02,"Did I try to kill myself? I hung myself using my belt and a wardrobe doorknob. I lied down there, waiting to lose consciousness, but after a while I got up because it was uncomfortable. Does that count as a suicide attempt? Or do I have to wake up to people crying and screaming at me?",2.9258928571428555,4.9718812321428585,4.1601428571428585,85.18485714285717,75.96428571428572,5.908571428571428,27.271428571428572,6.742157984588678,1.3206757142857142,223,9,42,2,5,73,44,56,0.3720000000000001,0.628,0.0,-0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,7,7,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,9,0,10,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110424566008679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802883177399784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30296503933934793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768905866872302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38302290809982303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873131910723489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001393440355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786904672283667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23504946931037465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29900869056933155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,krazy_ideas404,2018/04/02,"Years since I've been happy. I'm 22 years old guy from India, and my life has been a constant stress. Ever since my childhood, I've been blamed for something or the other. As a child, most of you must have lived a decent life, but mine was completely Outta fear for my parents who would hit me, trash me and would abuse me. Though they said loved me, they always kept hitting me, I remember once or a few times being hit with a steel rod on my head a few times for leaving home and playing. I wanted to pursue cricket, they put me in arts and dance, they wanted to make me a singer, and TBH I have a horrible voice. I was good at cricket my teachers encouraged me yet my parents didn't bat an eye cause in India, it's all about engineers and doctors. I've had a hard time having actual friends due to the nature of my dad's work. And he would always take out his frustration out on me, like I was a toy. I've been bruised enough physically and mentally. And then I feel in love with a girl for the first time, she loved me for who I was, this was when my situation was on the worser side of things, she was there when I was troubled and to make things worse, my parents took the liberty of breaking my relationship and ever since I've lost my will to live on. It isn't about love, it is rather about my parents destroying everything I hold dear to me. I took to gaming to move away from reality and they broke my laptop. And then hours of struggle and my university recommended to get me a new one for my project. But now I've even lost the interest to face away from reality and find happiness. Also, the people I've had interaction on the university is either them asking for favours or you remain anonymous. I'm done living, I'm not able to find happiness. I just don't know, but I've a strong feeling to die. Maybe, I wasn't a good son, or they weren't good parents, I'm the victim now and I don't have my will to live. ",4.402272727272732,4.69256369191919,5.397195959595958,84.5801272727273,69.9090909090909,8.659232323232322,27.45616161616161,8.608573733854374,1.7037005252525246,1506,46,327,23,25,497,191,396,0.13699999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.182,0.9732,5,0,1,0,2,0,42.0,0,2,7,5,16,28,3,3,24,0,35,10,3,3,4,52,62,30,1,7,11,7,3,1,1,6,3,2,1,3,9,20,0,2,6,5,0,5,7,10,0,2,24,6,54,18,47,28,6,42,0,3,1,4,36,14,0,5,23,216,63,4,0.07827284038405825,0.09274051658553134,0.07638300122187311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259476217593306,0.13025854701209166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317453970232532,0.0,0.1470798202503363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040776832062707,0.0,0.0,0.08206758393957772,0.08458513351918676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123485063087225,0.0,0.0,0.08011556883731749,0.0,0.08010029146262226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087676776584866,0.0,0.05169847286493138,0.14160453066412526,0.0,0.0,0.07034658187530815,0.0,0.0,0.08807870657702617,0.07915419986777338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307991615792812,0.06657883804498091,0.0,0.0,0.06047340231654779,0.0,0.040894328508320914,0.0,0.0,0.19695463465316795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750241801865257,0.0,0.2499686821991484,0.07011709063144023,0.0,0.08033051594904128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851404088252159,0.0,0.07708298091528187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043016706063459434,0.0,0.0,0.08287963626076551,0.0,0.0,0.11057284393231452,0.03824015609776685,0.0,0.27646540833614464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088810306463395,0.0,0.2825771776893361,0.0,0.10449545750985084,0.0,0.07863558875059365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888061313859672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319164207251126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559639699186403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213417907409101,0.08335802045986189,0.053039702361268926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345636314017624,0.0,0.0,0.05426453205258909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786858236895579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403573777969955,0.08866786977681054,0.0,0.07445539550533133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424430724472191,0.08798195209513505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025825659263944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966127420361626,0.08182776762509067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885143479363525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400199426962163,0.0,0.0769026682644199,0.0,0.18256609072581093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392801139597647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923346984757666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056983560024624125,0.0,0.0797667113871881,0.16680834015399834,0.0,0.0,0.10081028586291277
suicidewatch,maddie_mj_lewis,2018/04/02,"Locked up for reaching out A few weeks ago something happens where it made my boyfriend, my mom and basically everyone mad at me. My boyfriend was saying things to bring me down and was breaking up with me and when my mom drove me to school that next morning she didn’t say anything to me. After being clean probably two months or more from any real self harm, I didn’t have anything to use to take the anger out on myself with. I broke a pen thing and cut up my legs in the bathroom while I was texting the crisis line (which I thought was confidential). I ended up saying that I was gonna kill myself that night and that I was thinking about it which I was. It’s the closest I’ve been, but apparently then they called the school police and I was locked up done there until the social worker and my mom were there and they basically gave me no choice but to go to the hospital. I cried so hard and begged to go home but no one listened. 
So I’m definitely not going to reach out for help again:) fuck that, I got attacked for that shit. ",6.4395974025974,5.524806414285717,6.352597402597404,83.52058441558442,65.80952380952381,9.16017316017316,30.51948051948052,8.00094639256281,1.811428571428572,817,24,175,8,11,258,123,210,0.185,0.767,0.048,-0.9815,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,1,8,9,7,0,9,0,15,3,2,2,0,24,32,19,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,13,14,0,0,2,0,0,5,5,9,0,2,18,5,28,0,30,12,2,32,0,1,0,1,15,14,2,1,12,124,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741742023596632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900770525817415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180058863008679,0.0,0.0,0.15069188795917055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525603496636074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550062226407542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555213322805693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731986651778252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657079942865535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245674177783505,0.0,0.0,0.2258394853825646,0.0,0.10594002177475144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171335638719758,0.0,0.11865776063089464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878486035319633,0.0,0.13286775285888905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146546893160219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533645169822635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654051566232117,0.10572796826326364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087225971608955,0.12430433718195125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975803545241984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281382428605924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076799435248134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160115094515787,0.0,0.2681123212218249,0.0,0.0,0.13818422408677594,0.0,0.135967849260159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502585470958509,0.0,0.1019738514877621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995931148831302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600051043257275,0.08487474656372744,0.0,0.10515810591233364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293937567113577,0.0,0.0,0.11440254278321335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625108045914866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cinatnoot,2018/04/02,"I cant go on This time for real 
I have said this so many times, but I cant take it anymore
Though I have everything I need to be happy
The pain is just too much 
This life hurts so much",-0.3915116279069792,1.0008139767441904,1.7745930232558145,101.48654069767444,83.65116279069767,5.230232558139536,15.401162790697676,5.985473137389443,-0.9901581395348836,143,2,39,1,4,48,32,43,0.184,0.7070000000000001,0.108,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,4,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,3,8,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573113060199095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23318293190004305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745520902128806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27619645780708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27775373950558224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326192438436825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630483476787257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38146102290370615,0.19238383882423074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760801979469177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953185013237085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468027153115233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950791317199868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549148683388716,0.0,0.3025825503251388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Manoftheworld123,2018/04/02,"Lost everything, cant go on i miss her so fucking much she was my last thread connecting me to this world.. Used to ive in australia found a thai firl we were mad in love for 4 years, i helped for the visa and then i was on her visa then i got anxiety depression made her go through tough shit had to go back to france to heal, she then broke, and never talked to me again .. nothing worked all the pills all the therapy , ETC, sports..but i 
mustered the courage to go back and she was just so cold not even to meet some explanations.. then i go out yesterday with our old friends but she wasnt there and after around the end of night some dude tells me she is with him its been almost a year (i had some suspicions saw a few pictures a bit close to him ask a friend to ask if she had a boyfriend and she said no..why...
I was like almost dreaming about her everynight or having nightmares while she was getting fucked.. Im not hungry, girls dont interest me, she was my only small meaning.. This existence man i dont want to give up on her but yeah im a worthless piece of shit. I could get girls but i just want her, maybe my BPD is strong.. BPD MDD OCD anxiety alcohol and benzo addiction sprinkle some mdma. I really want to fucking die i have suffered too long made my mom go into depression.. And lost the girl of my life. 
And i learn it on april fools day FU GOD ",0.9283627797408728,3.0862053992932843,2.182286219081273,96.2184705535925,83.34628975265015,5.893474676089518,20.74075382803298,7.1686216300943375,0.3750801884570079,1060,32,244,15,30,338,162,283,0.194,0.735,0.07200000000000001,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,2,0,0,4,12,23,6,0,13,1,21,11,2,3,3,43,50,20,1,5,9,1,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,4,4,15,1,0,3,1,3,6,7,16,0,0,20,3,43,7,32,29,11,39,0,8,1,4,35,13,5,8,21,153,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790175966830648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577848859958824,0.19822641517800044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143738405034107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811232728285508,0.18506407592882373,0.0,0.0,0.1522175389550112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805947254113818,0.0,0.2493212631591707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079026706668838,0.0,0.0,0.06383329022814695,0.0,0.17050099824959564,0.0,0.10272461313986683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320053873031181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766604782789812,0.0,0.11038778965364476,0.06537472013217091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895597582482324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085254047192183,0.15294191618438374,0.27451357302517243,0.10342492275194544,0.09494971090366952,0.3375124045845193,0.0,0.07916257741723752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634356179511003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138286886729429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068112532505409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991182065647332,0.04835615762255562,0.0,0.0,0.08759333263724005,0.0,0.0,0.21609462122712256,0.0,0.08933244486468253,0.18731271514855172,0.0,0.0,0.09943774587751296,0.1078171874761184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592305131514585,0.0,0.0,0.07276098052082207,0.0,0.07633873483322066,0.0,0.0,0.09288512075622234,0.0,0.09497305502647192,0.0,0.10386184876839176,0.0,0.0,0.07527801744454342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340850530190148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415172970791758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320111725478016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955560030066497,0.08651204060171767,0.0,0.11319115437652287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548610806462338,0.0,0.0,0.17514120060506475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931318526079025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720579174258653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747850873565286
suicidewatch,AlexST301,2018/04/02,"The pile of good things is not worth the pile of bad things I'm not going to do it. But I really wish I could. I know it will hurt my parents tremendously if I do, and I'm all the family they've got. And I don't want to do that to them. But I don't enjoy life -- the pile of good things does not outweigh the pile of bad things, to me -- and I want out. I don't want to have to get up every day and do this anymore.

Ever since I was a little kid, all I've ever truly wanted was a successful relationship with a woman and that's been comically out of my grasp. I just wanted to feel validated and accepted. To have something work out -- be it more serious or casual even -- with someone I can trust. And it never has. The people I've been the most serious about in the last six years or so have just let go of me. Suddenly, without warning, because they had a change of heart after giving me every reason to believe they were all in as I was. They always tell me it isn't me, but if that's true, if I've done nothing wrong, I can't fix it.

It's gotten to where I can't trust that anything will work out. I was carrying on a more casual arrangement recently that even suddenly blew up in a way that felt very similar. I got desperate and started hunting around and met someone online I liked a lot. Even though it was going extremely well, I just kept waiting for the shoe to drop. And this weekend, it did. She wasn't as ready for all this as she initially thought she was. A complete 180 turn from where she was before. I could see it coming and it still hurt like hell. It's almost humorous. 

I'm pushing 40 and getting further and further away from the days when I was more attractive to the kind of people I'm compatible with (who tend to be younger; the women in my area that are my age tend to lead very different lifestyles with very different priorities). At this point, I just don't see it changing or getting better. I have no reason to believe it will. My therapist and friends always tell me it ""might"" change but it's getting harder and harder for it to do so as I get older, and the only evidence I have suggests that it won't. Why do I keep wanting to suffer through this for year after year after year?

All I have is my work, and I hate it. I'm burnt out on it, but have very few other options based on my skill set. Mostly, I resent it -- going in to do things, often things I don't care about or object to philosophically, when I get no reward outside of work. I don't want to get up each day and do this shit again, time after time after time. I want to be free of all that.

My friends would be fine if I were gone. They don't like me talking about wanting to go, it worries them, but they have their own lives that are fully formed without me. They might miss me a little but it wouldn't impact them much, and frankly, there are some people in my life that might like to have me out of their hair (my ex to whom I'm frequently in close proximity for social functions, for instance). They'd never say so, but I bet it would be easier for them. The only people who would really be devastated are my folks, and so I'll stay for them -- but that almost makes me feel worse, like my agency is not my own, that I'm bound to them.  And I feel like I'm a sucker for staying in a situation (life) I don't want to be in for someone else when no one else has done the same for me (in relationships ... and no, I wouldn't have asked them to if they didn't really want to be there, yet everyone insists I have to stay alive).

It's just tough. I get little momentary bursts of hope, but as the disappointments build, it becomes harder and harder to even enjoy what I have for the brief time that I have it. And it always comes back to this -- the wishing I wasn't here on this planet anymore so I didn't have to worry about any of this. The heartache. The disappointment. The chaos in general of the world which irritates me every time I see something related to the news (which is hard to avoid, since I work in that field). I just want out. I want to not have to deal with it anymore. I believe I will be in a better place anyway. I'm soooo ready to be done with this shit.

But I won't go. Not anytime soon. Because I just can't do that to them.
 ",3.2466107087996505,4.0454755680272125,4.634481749689126,87.17335747202108,72.79818594104309,7.731138907175772,24.656645453880486,7.996032779217251,1.1557543851949381,3289,92,725,45,62,1097,304,882,0.139,0.7490000000000001,0.112,-0.972,3,1,2,0,0,0,113.0,0,0,18,11,41,49,6,1,35,0,96,8,5,4,11,143,164,58,0,28,35,2,6,6,2,14,3,1,0,3,68,42,0,5,10,4,3,12,34,19,1,2,29,10,99,31,119,107,20,98,1,6,3,0,44,42,3,22,44,529,167,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999359919358091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245632747096744,0.0,0.0,0.033933951555581154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846322622659708,0.0,0.0,0.04106373916848555,0.04442189412989011,0.04665009449679907,0.0,0.0468830247594463,0.03837029169860347,0.08332942171468467,0.06083758470557265,0.05511102000083135,0.042461525518259775,0.16866183149604316,0.0,0.08826561517391536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087673610678271,0.0,0.15836387244796946,0.08596947217149987,0.05231957128093325,0.0,0.0,0.07968274372796143,0.0,0.0,0.09654479961837452,0.051445073370965023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042704973773707,0.0,0.0,0.043668135645552685,0.1531961600778091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337068459951001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183485153717264,0.09027545323180768,0.12612960009770224,0.047681926229386516,0.0,0.0,0.04704161228916527,0.0,0.07569335424598796,0.03564882253149718,0.04791216480800692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710577870625822,0.0,0.20856700126103467,0.04786896607425314,0.17015712518690318,0.08370809806734683,0.07981974240196936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470091533344304,0.04926626820753498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913215919239705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956231038972346,0.0,0.0,0.10683872103236153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044353726999097405,0.0,0.05196353932690038,0.02742392929241264,0.04067544823739239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051026492335529715,0.1057382862783837,0.146272753019571,0.15003979058713304,0.044062926382738295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242349611660971,0.0,0.0,0.03330887346303242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880916821955554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668250145189246,0.0,0.07697245780116686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788073503080737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03381377098237713,0.07590293490931782,0.0,0.0,0.05540843728497046,0.0,0.0,0.1383784883854852,0.0,0.05213524868868535,0.0,0.047171963304317895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590233272627638,0.1026117486393872,0.04927057908613005,0.1071486100077684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968276397959314,0.0,0.0,0.1192923634255765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244399161981534,0.08255617619000517,0.056090088109163334,0.0,0.050867126322856136,0.1268412228364124,0.07683146011425245,0.0,0.0,0.03531972706335548,0.159561412225016,0.03985048678696981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04010801397460808,0.08723021686247152,0.0,0.0,0.05793815651628464,0.19890946551642855,0.0,0.04902684398405823,0.03961530677824507,0.1454864871531202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427725539204208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469207059600668,0.3826227780028253,0.03960857796084754,0.0,0.0,0.044866410613883315,0.0,0.04502730755620475,0.0,0.1147658878010314,0.09620432020688297,0.0,0.18164025839634101,0.10135246245848448,0.05085272335225873,0.1063433383072028,0.05455820309495014,0.0,0.1285367665006238
suicidewatch,dreamcoat,2018/04/02,"Need help with books for a young kid with suicidal thoughts A 19 year old, who is fairly geeky and intellectual (loves physics, astronomy etc) has become suicidal. Says he finds existence meaningless and with no purpose. Can you guys suggest any books that are not religious, that can help him give a purpose or meaning to his life? He will reject self-help books outright. They have to to be in the realm of physics, quantum, science etc. Asking desperately.",4.91472222222222,7.845211135802473,4.674799382716053,79.58034722222226,73.44444444444444,8.000617283950618,32.34722222222222,8.841846274778883,3.1082703703703696,366,18,62,8,8,112,63,81,0.217,0.693,0.09,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,11,14,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,9,11,2,4,0,1,0,1,16,1,0,1,3,35,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333312723940631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329478800527446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165389553176564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373297497395987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792003270991978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880839060082493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941356835097885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39425574197641017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138486870366127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695678063161666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357282252186768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538009374991406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573777440371588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591916564288955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045390906363954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289276975857958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565411680314128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625976228318195
suicidewatch,NinjaTuna96,2018/04/02,"Nothing Left To Live For All my life I've done my best to excel in whatever I do: Eagle Scout, Vigil Honor, JROTC Unit Commander, scholarships up the butt, etc.....
But the thing is, everytime I succeed, I feel empty. I do everything to impress my dad and when I thought I've done something for myself, it's been nothing but more emptiness...
I find happiness when I'm with somebody, romantically, but the problem is that I've been unable to find anyone who is even willing to hang out let alone be in a relationship. The girls who DO hang out just use me to help out with their homework..
I've battled depression in the past and this is about how bad I felt when I got put on Suicide Watch my junior year of high school. I can't tell my dad how I'm feeling because I'm 22! What college kid feels like this at 22? Who feels lonely? 
Am I bad guy for wanting companionship and not being able to find it...
Anyways....I just don't see the point in trying at anything cuz there's always someone better, always someone more productive at the same things I do...I really just want to do the one thing that I know I can do better than anyone else: jump in front of a train..
",3.7086349924585242,4.8403972692307695,4.8560130718954255,84.76382352941178,72.03418803418803,7.5571644042232275,27.43991955756662,7.928766900206844,1.6071853192559078,907,32,185,12,17,299,136,234,0.134,0.716,0.15,-0.2707,0,3,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,1,6,11,15,1,0,10,0,21,2,1,4,1,34,36,12,1,3,7,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,13,8,0,0,10,0,1,5,3,6,0,1,7,7,21,9,30,25,6,26,0,2,2,1,13,16,1,0,6,120,34,7,0.11988921710085244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416907222039575,0.0,0.0,0.1995148655056967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765865632011845,0.12284067077202547,0.09865861045067438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020497700653603,0.07308335397319786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581633677044254,0.21206453966363456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326040701357347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453765874825655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001520570394326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370816835075186,0.07918569719297737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774869782890124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24247836173642964,0.08564888065184725,0.11511244955669722,0.0,0.3287297173616424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958863590039638,0.0,0.0,0.11870917388570568,0.0,0.12762430093479082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803592150664663,0.12666954024182706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658879783447339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025998517119108,0.12259484722859472,0.08468129958370506,0.05857181563720785,0.0,0.10586437517233152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007387447666766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124003626486352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444782347044336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333406177988453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471778937307905,0.0,0.12052177681031405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680410241366084,0.0,0.0,0.1287161518793263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133428828588835,0.09553618392011523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316348918867527,0.09229657658143696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113934470099695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047884600772928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894720586475174,0.0,0.0,0.09517864662257408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139690867658224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354579038695183,0.0,0.0,0.14142753293717875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720472509056478
suicidewatch,ssj4GohanBlanco,2018/04/02,"Is there a reason to be attached to the idea of life? Wasn't asking for now, but I made a thread in another subreddit doing research on painless ways to die. (I don't really get into anything without doing some research first, so this is more of in case I need it in the future).

That said, I'm pretty indifferent on life in general.  Whether I'm 30 or 130, I'm going to die at some point.  Is there really a reason to go out of my way to prolong it?

It's less of a reason to die rather than it is lack of reason to live.  I'm just living every day just for the sake of it; so it's just like what the point.  Existence at all just feels like a big chore stuck on repeat and I get no benefit/nothing out of it.

I think there's some fun to be had in these mid years, but I honestly don't see myself having any desire to live a day beyond 50.  

Honestly, my idea of a fun life is to just rack up as much debt as I can, have as much of a great time as I can until the money's gone, and then end things; rather than just do the 40hr grind just to stay afloat for 40, 50, 60 years just to hate every miserable day in existence.",3.319753086419752,3.157972991769551,5.150222222222227,86.992,72.1687242798354,8.455308641975309,24.018930041152267,8.238735603445708,1.0850391769547318,859,19,202,12,15,297,123,243,0.142,0.71,0.14800000000000002,0.412,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,17,9,1,1,14,0,18,3,0,5,1,37,36,14,3,5,15,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,12,5,0,0,8,0,2,3,5,2,0,1,6,3,11,7,49,28,9,39,0,1,1,0,2,20,0,4,15,138,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758094287030312,0.1168952756340869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173758033084638,0.0,0.10421765961892823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568387316548265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34709228291764793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873715670434538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878514484289104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636704715045905,0.0796405000349587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482383776409424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648617746452015,0.0,0.1267119787983911,0.0,0.0,0.12290580611207212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006226731437828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516920647235741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23622238811982504,0.10892585284947423,0.0,0.29531355379474344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548396652171968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389953724730333,0.08266014157129463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696694614599696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107670592411469,0.0,0.0,0.11341404976335473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283238903784098,0.4584752253111278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604189786684394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883419609133747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882160244943865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740615826390823,0.07143113438877065,0.0,0.0,0.06500420357484091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697341625735105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746161615899046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357742598569476
suicidewatch,DesolateFate,2018/04/02,"Last call of sorts I used to think nothing in my life could get worse, that it was as bad as it possibly could get. That was summer of 2017 to winter 2017. Now into 2018 I have been brought the brunt of my wishes, everything has gotten somehow worse. I’ve been kicked out of my house, struggling to find a roommate or even a place to stay, I’m giving up education to avoid homelessness atm, as well as cut off from health insurance. I already am employed constantly since I was 17 & now 19 with 3 part time jobs and full time school. I am barely making half 1k a month on part time, even though this is somewhat of a headstart against my financial costs that are being dumped on me at once, I am also 2k in debt thanks to ONE trip to the ER last fall. My relationship with my significant other, who I depend on since I’m isolated from others due to me never being able to enjoy life as a person, is falling apart. I’ve relapsed in nearly every realm of the word I could relapse. I’m lamenting this on a forum for some sort of condolences that I am unable to get anywhere else. Trust me I’ve tried to reach out. 
I’ve contemplated suicide more often than I have actually done anything in my responsibilities. I just want a confirmation that somebody even if I don’t know them, cares about me, somebody that wants to help me. If not, then it ought to be my time to leave.",6.9206777893639195,5.863492204379561,7.2019812304483874,78.28678832116789,64.91240875912408,10.01835245046924,31.98018769551616,9.04235418022936,2.4405180396246093,1080,34,220,15,14,352,165,274,0.123,0.787,0.09,-0.8807,3,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,0,12,10,2,2,10,0,24,3,0,3,1,33,42,12,1,9,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,14,6,0,1,3,0,3,4,3,5,2,2,8,0,26,5,49,27,6,38,0,0,0,0,7,18,0,10,15,149,40,3,0.11655360442573268,0.0,0.11373950485994708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861980077277194,0.09320787534960097,0.0,0.12628578169969978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591368543167006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731739124817752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190142615928701,0.0,0.1188341676025704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259530399576631,0.0,0.2791757072425147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927480387465045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736558066583992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309476694399195,0.0,0.0982014386444188,0.0,0.10475086423805052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652788289854008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268334321947885,0.1118088378446743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389103121229635,0.0,0.0,0.07812342420203107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448721072081615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566146787634375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405481285229574,0.1900134876186588,0.0,0.1234134380749175,0.0,0.0,0.16465051541096345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780043600774747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303197506637136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989332503491904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183632691458507,0.0,0.0,0.12412578481526085,0.07897973878986783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524323910544648,0.0,0.0,0.10177011170245193,0.12177370945474167,0.0,0.0,0.13139667648914574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513495218444345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795847017880555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282869202536174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423063436730244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184713384641715,0.0,0.12749072582626053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730689948460402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746828434877326,0.11451332457330995,0.0,0.2718533761596112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913224662554244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066489201074952,0.0,0.0,0.1374926713801187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479568790390924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403089299381538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755616072564145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheEternalLoser1,2018/04/02,"Is it worthwhile? Should I kill myself over a failed driver's licence exam?
I live in a shithole country where my next turn could be in 6 months.
However, I can't help but look at others so happy to have theirs, (women, respect, family everything).
So envyous when I see the beginner's sign on somebody's windshield I even laughed my ass off at dead people especially in my country (where roads are shit) 
It's horrible to wish someone to crash however I'm rotten from the inside, even the qualified psychiatrist told me. I wish I can be happy although I have nothing (or at least I think) nothing to show off for myself.
I'm just a loser without the right to drive and I'm 25.
Besides, I'm short and I have a small penis, on top of that being psychologically and physically screwed.
Nothing makes me happy, only extreme edgy content, besides I've never fucked more than 1 girl.
The rest were dudes (so I'm also a degenerate faggot) 
I carry my story around like a wrapper over my face, never to let anyone see what's inside. I'm afraid I'm gonna be left alone (and I will be if people find really who I am)
Until recently, I danced alone and I imagine I drive helicopters and cars.
I even took pictures of my coworkers and highschool/college classmates in bathsuites to jack off to.
Even though I don't lack cash, I'm still very upset at my state of being, just a loser who wasted his years, thinking he's gonna bust in some game being clan leader and making movies about how he rules there. 
Real life loser with a very hard shell to crack If people could see who really I am (I don't think they have the slightest idea) they would dump me instantly
I always like and I drink even though I take psychiatric meds, I hate myself for being such a loser, nothing is going my way even though I train for it.
I'm fed up with this positivity bullshit, even though it comes from Nick Wuczick (or however it is spelled) I don't like it I always look upward
I used to write my goals never realizing my problems lie beneath
Never talked and even dated one woman since I moved to study
I have nothing to show for myself, no travel, very few friends, and a lot of failures.

I think of leaving myself to hang from the office or somewhere in the public I work in or slash my throat somewhere in public for a brutal display, somewhere in a store never to be recovered. I thought maybe I can kill someone, however I dropped the idea, my life is already fucked up I don't want to destroy someone else's.

It may not be logically ordered, I just put it in as I was doing my work (as much as I could)

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suicidewatch,sodamouth,2018/04/02,I'm at work but I wanna go kms My psychiatrist discontinued her practice and I messaged her on facebook and she ignored me and I tried to add her and she marked me as spam. Wtf I told her everything about myself and now I can't get any help,-0.1477310924369739,2.158815235294121,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,92.72549019607844,5.2672268907563025,21.01120448179272,6.868970318607317,0.5686616246498595,191,7,42,3,7,65,37,51,0.263,0.737,0.0,-0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,15,0,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,29,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33105843910887783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43752790415962417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434654203918194,0.0,0.2766744891438237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263092701479753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651831969922495,0.0,0.3305229629307393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35441519579900305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwccnt99,2018/04/02,"On the edge I've been thinking about suicide for years.
I came up with a plan long ago, now I took the next step and assembled a sort of kit that has everything I need.
I currently have no intent to go through with it, but the kit is right here in my room and I feel like I might just do it one lonely night.",3.676044776119405,3.3194261194029835,4.503694029850745,92.6068843283582,71.38805970149255,8.491044776119404,25.70522388059701,8.07648339933343,1.02515223880597,238,6,60,3,4,77,54,67,0.117,0.833,0.05,-0.5187,1,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,12,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,3,1,7,1,10,8,0,16,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,8,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24450338342281502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154718202725019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478949040878493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394660711386994,0.19705037260066385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675844968470964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475480365148554,0.0,0.0,0.2440976066139045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926081288511556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045217155680516,0.0,0.0,0.2933444122838163,0.2588443090815568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690704763737664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23555416359193115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017092172048253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767383635263064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306453181901719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762310178305285
suicidewatch,Inkspent,2018/04/02,"I don't want to do this anymore I haven't felt like this in a while. It's not even emotional pain, I feel like I'm just existing and drifting and being numb even when I know everything is about to come crashing down around me. I'm running out of options and I don't want to face the inevitable consequences. I can't even bring myself to do anything to fix the situation I'm in so I'll just have brought this on myself. ",3.6623970037453226,4.270505595505622,4.7792696629213465,87.21736891385768,71.69662921348315,8.18052434456929,29.44007490636704,8.344100000000001,1.8678299625468164,334,13,74,5,6,110,55,89,0.133,0.833,0.034,-0.5867,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,9,3,1,0,0,15,20,6,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,2,0,0,2,2,9,2,13,17,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,4,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850439085453466,0.0,0.0,0.2062029718935045,0.22306606198569875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584932367147835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28186464841245523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965099148892218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520185119658515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669892313889325,0.17901178264205178,0.24059257567183626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771019969444673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24483787879070296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666308856731296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816582974683003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29559282728589664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kovis,2018/04/02,"I just want the pain to stop So, if you look in my history you'll see that my ex and I divorced in January and we had a child together. She meant everything to me until my son was born. I was abused as a child so I don't speak to any of my own family, her family basically adopted me into their family. I believe they still care about me, they invited me over for Easter so that I wouldn't be alone.

I probably shouldn't have gone, it made things worse, but I had my son for Easter and didn't want to keep him from them either.

I still love my ex, deeply and I want her to be happy. The problem is, she was giggling while typing on her phone half the time. I knew what was going on. I tried not to let it show but I'm pretty sure it did, it killed me. I'm so conflicted, on one hand I want her to be happy even above my own happiness so I'm happy she's happy, but on the other it kills me that she's moved on so fast.

I've tried to go on dates. One girl made fun of my teeth and left, another I went on a couple of dates with and she was nice and it even progressed to her initiating an intimate relationship. I couldn't perform, I felt this massive amount of depression and guilt. It felt like I was cheating on my ex. I'd rather be alone than feel that again.

The only thing that's keeping me alive is knowing that my son needs his father, but I'm beginning to wonder if that's the case. If I weren't in the picture, my ex could freely find someone else and it wouldn't hurt me since I wouldn't be here. My son is 2 and wouldn't remember me if I were to die now. My ex could find a nice man that could replace me as a father figure, which is what I want, I want my son to have a great father figure in his life that can teach him to be a good person with a huge heart.

Edit: I was thinking about trying to find a way to make it look like an accident so my son doesn't grow up thinking I didn't want to be with him. I love him and don't want him to feel that way, I just feel like everyone, including him, is better off without me alive.",2.0262592137592144,2.8842067815315384,3.8225880425880447,91.62052825552828,75.77927927927928,7.363800163800165,21.562653562653566,7.793537801064563,0.5863567567567571,1577,36,380,22,33,533,191,444,0.08900000000000001,0.6709999999999999,0.24,0.9972,0,2,0,0,2,0,41.0,1,2,4,3,19,27,3,1,18,0,43,7,3,3,1,74,83,30,3,24,14,14,6,3,0,6,2,1,0,5,26,16,0,4,17,1,0,6,14,8,0,3,22,10,77,19,50,43,4,39,0,2,3,2,50,18,0,5,16,257,103,3,0.0,0.09451977024061464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524470346832507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424941427385426,0.08365054773558002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898785744028777,0.0,0.07055408675089572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133544746292505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910804066494538,0.08826899732467056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870968362673219,0.0,0.08279336475422007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664138126863371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538064606265786,0.0,0.0,0.07622797967270355,0.0716962014108951,0.0,0.2256129742807893,0.0,0.1210091941559584,0.05699093837387841,0.15319211340120242,0.0,0.21873741864734764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067540474709976,0.06691108877629423,0.0,0.08795169817932172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246073395371983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453319916725827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854002816070512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418145308908314,0.17651739016173024,0.0,0.04384199402077273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866752575278817,0.08157485924142302,0.056347107974618726,0.11692141368414788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339810227158871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399925131862126,0.15096917354443368,0.05325011655455845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478769780607387,0.0,0.05915180130960813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811456880756387,0.06067212292904532,0.08488572176477703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696560403515777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115937391098878,0.0860104332421094,0.07633344901639066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564798773373397,0.09036898852401247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356996996141563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659903135015275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759269825859764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741608139447685,0.06669507704304305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518654806039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599730263378754,0.10223259211430602,0.0,0.0,0.046517168505353736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248500287124032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764246655717888,0.12664261343550282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395178620394544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689979773339048,0.08651207210228727,0.0,0.0,0.0812970588341827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sedapSfOecA,2018/04/02,"I don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I'm on this sub so obviously I'm depressed. I wanna cut but I've done it in the past and it doesn't relieve the mental pain, yet my arms are longing for a blade on them. I wanna kill myself, but I'm too scared. My girlfriend broke up with me, after 2 years, and she's already getting over me after 2 months. She said she finished me because she felt too much like a mum, but I can't help it. I'm supposed to be getting tested for DCD/ASD in the next few months, so at least I'll finally know what's wrong with me. 

All my goals in my life where with that girl. She's my everything, and she's seeing another guy tomorrow. I don't want to go on anymore. I don't have enough of my antidepressants to kill myself with them, there's a big bridge near me so i think I'd rather get drunk and jump off that. I hate life.",1.0876537433155065,2.4829654224598983,2.9766811497326238,94.53796290106956,79.26737967914437,5.958422459893049,21.31316844919786,6.6274283507984215,0.15059385026737934,662,18,160,6,16,222,106,187,0.256,0.727,0.017,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,2,1,9,11,4,1,6,0,10,5,1,0,2,22,27,10,2,4,4,1,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,8,8,1,0,5,1,0,2,5,9,0,0,3,3,30,2,26,23,5,27,0,2,1,0,14,13,0,0,13,101,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428353644158145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560703755379722,0.0,0.0,0.31325517349364657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962747912543228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602788582628594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162079635292628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318751622603922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194043961374406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164092025537154,0.1730084215068956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754119438818195,0.0,0.08975724347093296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637898802524464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592662695320475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585949105076016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494600197217614,0.0,0.17359223452264985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310619306157844,0.07715832699641666,0.0,0.0,0.13976617114792325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203587332248926,0.0,0.0,0.15915981427128933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521220141734915,0.0,0.11609928918311742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796406118556087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805237135466242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076538931381495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502309179481454,0.0,0.1581189778969783,0.0,0.12585254595070725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119740503680348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315326590056447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267548143462516,0.0,0.10170399123536923
suicidewatch,hDeadRoses,2018/04/02,Im ready ... please let this work. I want to go. Please,-4.122500000000001,-4.088108249999999,-2.229999999999997,118.175,131.5,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-3.4762,39,0,12,0,3,12,10,12,0.0,0.455,0.545,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980678876764823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764536898329859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35637800796189595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7651249193843751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556191226021292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25372151010230737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyperson74893058,2018/04/02,"Well, I tried A little bit of backstory, I am visiting new your for the weekend and we are in the middle of the city, like a couple blocks from time square, so everything is tall... including the buildings. So last night I tried to get to the roof, I was going to do it, but the door was locked. I had everything planned out, I was going to jump, but the fucking door was locked. Why is my luck so bad when it matters most ",7.009883720930233,4.906669872093027,7.2019767441860445,81.72180232558141,65.3953488372093,10.925581395348836,33.127906976744185,9.516144504307137,2.615265116279069,323,10,72,5,4,105,57,86,0.087,0.8170000000000001,0.096,-0.3042,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,1,5,5,1,0,9,0,10,1,0,0,0,9,14,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,5,1,9,3,10,9,2,15,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,2,7,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686424037720855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704831990588715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27413508740945713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453306378548495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904457971407785,0.12944123874800942,0.0,0.28160861411854576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195257637670225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104008931715368,0.2483145941932704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392823559756489,0.0,0.2325003446370513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446734913450188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364174044860932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276059905639106,0.0,0.22355944832397154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PiplupFanRose,2018/04/02,"Why am I even trying to live? I honestly don't even fucking know anymore. I am only 16 years old, and I have had major depressive disorder since I was in fifth grade. Off and on I have thought about killing myself. I tried to hang myself twice in fifth grade and I was sent to a mental institution against my will last year. My parents don't understand my feelings of worthlessness. They really don't. My brother doesn't give a shit about anything except for video games and his friends. Hell, even my ""friends"" (I use that term very loosely) don't even talk to me unless I message them first. That's another thing, I don't really have many friends I can see face to face. I guess a lot of people see my loud obnoxious laughter as a sign of true happiness and don't see the fact that I am easily amused because I don't really know what true happiness is. I just want to fucking die. Maybe then my parents will be happier. I'm the reason my mother smokes, even though she has COPD, and I'm the reason my dad often just sits down in the basement or goes to the bar. I know it. As I mentioned earlier, my brother doesn't give two shits about anything that doesn't involve his friends or gaming. I happened to be walking downtown earlier this morning in search of crafting supplies, and as I was walking home I saw a truck turning my direction as I was crossing the street. I knew he had to stop, but the first thing that crossed my mind was ""Hit me and leave me bleeding in the street"". I fucking wish I could cheer myself up by watching anime or other stuff I feel a lot of you will find cringy, I mean, I'm 16 and my username on here has a fucking Pokemon in it, but I digress. I don't even fucking know anymore why I am even trying to seem like I'm happy. I've pretended things were fine for far too long and it hurts. I honestly want to fucking die. My life is so fucking meaningless to the world it wouldn't matter anyways! I am so easily forgotten by friends that I don't think I will even be missed...

EDIT: Honestly, I am just meaningless. I know damn well that my ""friends"" don't care. I tried reaching out to some of them but they aren't responding. I know one of them is online, but she's just ignoring me. I guess I annoyed her so much that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore... I just want to fucking die right now but I am too much of a fucking pussy to do so...",3.2551262190025056,4.576417560824744,4.266079687935356,87.82387851769295,73.3917525773196,7.470047366954581,28.778211200891608,8.00916892397051,1.7833354694901091,1867,76,392,27,37,606,213,485,0.124,0.733,0.14300000000000002,0.4055,2,0,1,0,1,2,58.0,0,1,5,2,28,40,15,0,17,0,50,16,4,3,3,66,97,29,4,7,15,6,2,1,6,5,2,1,1,0,19,12,1,2,17,6,0,6,16,20,1,5,12,8,77,20,51,75,7,35,1,4,5,9,35,17,13,10,12,268,96,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474353068800437,0.0,0.0,0.18369913112847372,0.0,0.0,0.15242912466331038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037638315340497705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062951698242122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049297227201630864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317965788475375,0.0,0.19224027445721134,0.0,0.07076349575779138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262484359981034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062438821880219125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056432516622903925,0.1050381209494111,0.0,0.0,0.2862176361108841,0.5137285311431184,0.0,0.11846014261386628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360350362353306,0.0,0.054599646864758836,0.19718157785106016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193384838643196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609778301115145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831012692844254,0.0,0.20359595212308784,0.05032926125467412,0.0,0.0653775397215554,0.0,0.0,0.04361131891050765,0.030164796046815327,0.0,0.05452071531257642,0.05464112832717572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498437322328977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259830250084139,0.06202972839908005,0.06725686304408403,0.0,0.0,0.06222300979342666,0.0,0.06234341808887388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077727617270946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478950436050251,0.0,0.041839050029529014,0.046958777427015284,0.0,0.0,0.1371178849488337,0.0,0.0,0.042805226468147516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186635616292074,0.12696537417190973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272868283868739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760492593697028,0.0562090393752745,0.0,0.0,0.12675780210494536,0.051074930206104666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051620400393844884,0.0,0.0,0.07068163093831975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962715350923885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305907973745428,0.039562795128306835,0.06066275717393298,0.049017508372371836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767936061798355,0.06715928859270713,0.06031450926112319,0.06427724779492434,0.0,0.05332663183731875,0.0,0.050944922593255185,0.1456718607761302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055514896557913834,0.0,0.1114279607867978,0.0,0.07100207373932332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952168669765178
suicidewatch,violetsylph,2018/04/02,"Don’t call anyone. Tried to kill myself last night. Drank a bunch and took a bunch of muscle relaxants. Wrote a note. After all the sexual abuse after all the anger after everything I just wanted to end it. But then woke up with puked up blood all over the pillows and my cat on top of me. And residual feeling of overwhelming guilt and anger and feelings of wishing myself dead. 

My cat needs someone to take care of her. I can be that person. 

What’s with the blood on my pillow? Why did that happen? That’s the part I don’t understand ",1.6042211838006215,4.07068910280374,2.7753504672897202,91.046265576324,83.2056074766355,5.809657320872272,18.26246105919003,7.1686216300943375,0.3153993769470405,422,10,85,6,12,135,70,107,0.214,0.703,0.083,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,2,8,0,5,3,2,0,3,19,18,7,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,7,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,2,10,2,18,12,6,14,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,60,15,0,0.0,0.2705937865583537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159689096822675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332022310431563,0.0,0.2328493462731022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022775148216982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205253848715855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23095228981675855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195630037339524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526694091387917,0.0,0.0,0.1861607535429056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934139659214398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143198177174228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473140445253425,0.0,0.0,0.1994132197678132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350622752181632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171386543350656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25373936292880384,0.1550555052272769,0.0,0.0,0.2377523648642051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470485506859653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607806103942314,0.0,0.2626265361523428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RuthieCRC,2018/04/02,"I'm tired. I have a chronic illness, I have had it for almost three years. It doesn't sound like that long of a time, but it feels like a lifetime of suffering. Physical and mental. I told myself that I could handle one more year, and in 2019 I'd put an end to my pain. I lost my insurance recently so I know I can no longer manage my illness, in America being poor is basically a fucking death sentence and I accept that. I personally just don't want to wait for my end to come, 10 or 20 years from now when I'm in some hospital bed with a damned tube in me just keeping my sickly body alive because everyone else can't bare to see me die. I'm so sick of being alive because no one else can bare to handle me not being around, never once thinking about how I physically feel, let alone mentally. Any time I argue for it I'm told to stop being selfish, or think about others. So it's clear that my suffering means nothing to anyone else, they just don't want me dead. So the bare minimum of sympathy or empathy, however you'd look at it. So like the title says, I'm tired. I don't see a point anymore, or why I need to put up with this any longer.",4.094827109266944,4.19362523236515,5.658572614107888,83.10990594744122,70.53526970954356,9.082268326417704,28.099861687413554,9.029198982220553,2.0108487413554634,895,29,195,16,15,306,134,241,0.281,0.634,0.085,-0.9949,1,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,14,12,3,0,9,0,18,10,1,1,2,35,42,15,3,4,9,0,2,3,0,0,8,2,1,1,12,7,0,3,7,0,1,3,9,8,0,3,4,7,26,4,27,31,2,24,0,3,3,1,7,8,2,6,16,119,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805960904995386,0.1221086256765024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035180025011472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169249110161444,0.08243827444277192,0.12080226756085782,0.0,0.10495580926643266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437412352998267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096008803426412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156022948486272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413338868536268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236136799639186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954704378088526,0.0,0.20884843877588025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265830178592574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192273525865234,0.08422763350091261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899645600093437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479475047959212,0.0,0.0,0.0647946412130562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056052318353028,0.0,0.17279964606988812,0.0,0.0,0.10433760401961617,0.09900612974082544,0.0,0.1287015480603986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842743476812665,0.0,0.0,0.2376305158949787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742120034837078,0.09093158630432978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312802823616225,0.0,0.0,0.12555942846854476,0.15978389788729114,0.0,0.12545368906473614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294554898128452,0.0,0.0,0.1114534100868021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370437060893213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641181904332595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375864512280184,0.0,0.0,0.1879017361127812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856950360500387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109084963582195,0.0,0.0,0.13749663129480755,0.2710169295856711,0.0,0.2253166035718515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139080701586659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638622229460792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277707977025343
suicidewatch,forthenofap243,2018/04/02,"Urgent help, this is my first time and im losing all shit I have Im mentally fucked up; my emotional strength is brittle it gets broken time to time because of my depression, my childhood is fucked up im not fcking gonna hide it anymore when I was a child I have this ""practice time"" with him and I was pretty mentally abused by my parents blaming their mistakes to me, my psychological health is fcking messed I have depression I dont even need a doctor to say so, my OCD doesn't really touch me as before.  

  Today, I just had it idk whether I should keep going, im trapped whether I should just close all the doors in my heart it feels so cold and lonely, it causes me stress and pain like it feels hurting my self. If I did open my heart all that happened from my past and time to time pain, happens again. I'll see my self lonely, no one will love me!! And I fcking hate it I just want to sleep. If I didnt make it till this friday. All I plan is to help my groupmates with our project which they partially rely on me. Fuck it, no one will love me anyways, im a fucking ugly retard anyways",1.9438105726872263,3.6871576872246727,3.2876013215859032,91.70770154185024,77.8546255506608,5.9496916299559475,23.244273127753306,6.742157984588678,0.5679622907488984,853,27,186,8,20,278,124,227,0.29,0.604,0.106,-0.9942,1,5,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,2,4,10,21,6,1,4,0,19,14,4,2,4,32,38,15,0,7,8,1,3,1,0,5,4,1,1,3,14,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,17,0,3,5,6,37,4,17,28,4,20,0,6,1,6,13,6,5,2,14,121,51,2,0.0,0.11114882244507884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930337369411226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718535150576098,0.0,0.07982490672448099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636811496550078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615958313534626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601791604829968,0.0,0.0,0.10994394116345986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552297069373033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196023693534685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486572245660756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979424442429467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469011873339957,0.04901154992154981,0.0,0.053314055021054164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591071995680698,0.0,0.0,0.09261738047161236,0.0,0.09971502635243493,0.0,0.22232922789928566,0.1257569531356811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042492393853857,0.0,0.506651354948986,0.0,0.0,0.08338212245962537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583054393990613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494874505833984,0.0,0.0,0.16933332758103034,0.0,0.06261851605262518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907566157483915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955849600915685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271353811115658,0.0,0.1996396731083339,0.0,0.1041642589152857,0.0,0.08955170580467284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543790487029856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009671634966809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460101573313513,0.0,0.0,0.07475396190758275,0.0,0.1957273675201037,0.0,0.09629402118417364,0.0,0.0,0.09387716768222226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745837325012324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282061619291398,0.0,0.08892036097238766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533122622267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WaffenPig,2018/04/02,"Why to try to prevent suicide? We know that life is sucks for 95 of people. And also we know that human life has no objective value at all. 
 So why to try to prevent suicide and prolong the  nightmare ? 
  ",1.939,4.171886900000004,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.0,5.0,27.5,5.985473137389443,1.1797499999999994,156,7,29,1,4,52,28,40,0.272,0.639,0.08900000000000001,-0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213973377459933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915755969010181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747421167376912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390777411509301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5803339800219816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602076255716384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787375265432323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ComeWatchTVSummer,2018/04/02,"Shit - I'm really down, this could be it So I've just been feeling so down since Friday , it's a huge accumulation of stuff though and man.... I'm really sad that I'm just out of control. 

Christ , I can't even explain it. It's just hurts.

I need to rest but I can't. I need to relax but I have too much in my mind. I keep getting worse every year and I just really do want to end it all.

I fantasize of getting a gun and just like that stopping this struggle of feeling so insecure and powerless, of being be belittled, patronized and taken advantage of. 

My kids , parents and wife would suffer though and that keeps me trapped in this loop of suffering. I really want to end it.

In the past I've gotten like this and then a month later I'm glad I didn't do anything about it but in the moment right now, there's nothing more satisfying then jumping in front of a train.

Thousands of people do it every day. ",1.5465834818775974,3.550018278074866,3.606051693404634,87.71273767082592,80.12299465240642,6.936304218657161,22.6883541295306,7.984000788550335,1.1794553773024354,706,23,150,13,18,240,100,187,0.25,0.648,0.101,-0.9887,2,1,0,1,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,15,12,1,2,6,0,13,1,1,1,1,32,30,18,0,6,8,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,16,9,0,4,3,1,0,2,3,7,0,1,4,2,13,5,22,21,4,24,1,4,0,0,5,10,1,0,14,102,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396608272177692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895856503666454,0.12027591496172706,0.0,0.0,0.09715206049748366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668493869487478,0.0,0.0,0.09949806351179064,0.0,0.2538458951212788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233892162046822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574091561978422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126609507045328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677962553594703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719279968121918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210615440522635,0.0,0.12024154285119383,0.0,0.11073969642094607,0.22339926365760865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454570576865114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727085889013452,0.0,0.14380547513141384,0.10443666045440496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860222101118646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286480180155048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463253708319588,0.12461317422620395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594401836570213,0.0,0.15748442785651562,0.17244981745773078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960113189877132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770590085487353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351775160679398,0.10701223139479632,0.0,0.0,0.09700894116965113
suicidewatch,PolyamorousPleb,2018/04/02,"I'm having a depressive episode and I want to die So many things have gone wrong in my life, but I generally have a good life now, apart from my depression. I'm not on medication because I take pleasure in some things, but sometime she I have these episodes of serious depression, usually triggered by something. Well tonight it is because,for the first time in my 17 year of life, my father has refused to hug me goodnight. He was away for almost all of my childhood until I was 12, and I've always softness of subconsciously wanted to make him happy I guess, and I've always tried to make his life easier. Tonight I came out to him as bisexual, and I tried to give him a hug goodnight to try and make the night have a good happy ending, burn he didn't believe hug me back. I could tell he didn't but want to touch me or be near me and I feel awful. I don't feel loved by him anymore, I feel like I should just go kill myself, I mean what's the point right if I can't get the person I've tried to make happy for the past five year to love and accept me, I want to die",4.784804258241756,4.4527703169642905,5.669285714285714,85.10648351648352,69.04464285714286,8.678021978021981,28.83791208791209,8.139509932561175,1.6600024725274722,837,26,186,10,13,276,122,224,0.152,0.613,0.235,0.9733,0,0,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,20,1,0,9,1,16,10,0,5,1,38,39,15,3,7,7,1,5,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,6,1,2,6,5,33,14,29,30,2,27,0,3,0,5,16,10,0,5,15,114,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501394336649952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745234514282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400463022359284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985304936003651,0.08063992884528301,0.0,0.06392886637808404,0.0,0.0,0.11815458860368835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994538317748887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373158633888621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709777426692092,0.0,0.2176807101501328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288527337284412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907897569304716,0.07492042372100817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920388622647553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479117891934096,0.10060257160530096,0.05960105183879881,0.1759229542727324,0.0,0.0,0.11552809385266274,0.0,0.0,0.3349138936911173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602509137755199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962961709608745,0.051235056573430436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893017597556161,0.0,0.2800109216863974,0.10632352909178466,0.0,0.11423611741538404,0.0,0.10564728969940576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841506543843252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011198468789127,0.0,0.09156999703412147,0.0,0.0,0.09913773380281456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895599308574751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073542319353824,0.1037208763241044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885053040501419,0.0,0.09166256196593274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393443072389767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061151580833068285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848042305383344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115501454329048,0.0,0.24742438226463254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429232875960863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466083317952484,0.0,0.13506798157844488
suicidewatch,ZestycloseSpeaker,2018/04/02,I'm on the edge. I'm tired of being alive. I drag everyone around me down. I can't work. I finally got some booze and some pills. I'm trying to work up the courage to take them now. My kids will be better off without me.,-1.6853061224489778,0.25192781632653194,0.8665306122448975,101.31775510204085,97.36734693877553,4.4326530612244905,15.16326530612245,6.18269132825596,-0.7256204081632651,169,4,43,2,7,57,37,49,0.095,0.733,0.172,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,9,5,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,26,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854779474701001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836201286054595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30642859108132464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512951219222099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564813666193245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411154706519839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685806308794313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772429981510874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091292301732065,0.0,0.466925502936039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_hh__,2018/04/02,"The cycle feels never ending I’m not sure where else to go so I’m going to give this a try. I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember, it’s put me in the hospital/psych unit once already before about 2 years ago and since then I’ve held just about everything in and been able to compose myself on the outside. Inside my head has become an absolute hell. The last 3 weeks I’ve been in the worst depression of my life, which climaxed 2 days ago with me trying to drink myself to death and start cutting. I have never cut before but my friends found me alone after a night of drinking with all of them, and I went into a complete manic state. Telling them to take me to the hospital and saying how if they didn’t now I was going to end it all eventually, there was no stopping it. The next day when i woke I begged them not to take me anywhere or tell my parents, partly because i wanted to sober up and because I simply could not put them through that again. I’ve got cuts on my wrist and have a doctors appointment tomorrow because I’m trying to switch up meds. I’m considering cancelling because I’m scared of what she will say if she sees these cuts. I feel like I can get through it for a while if I stay sober, but obviously can’t make any promises at this point because I don’t have any real motivation for living. I’ve never made an attempt sober but I’m still scared of myself at times. I just really need advice on what to do, there is counseling available at the college I attend but I’m super anxious about going to anybody right now and then finding out about the cutting. Other than that my friends are pretty mortified by what they saw, and are going to be checking to make sure I make some type of move tomorrow in the right direction. Thanks for letting me talk, I’ve never posted before but just really needed to get it out. Any advice is helpful. Thanks. ",6.147649043869513,5.671122685039375,6.599625046869142,80.0609448818898,66.24409448818898,9.251893513310835,31.26621672290964,8.563005593585519,2.2764909636295463,1497,50,297,19,21,488,197,381,0.113,0.785,0.102,0.5971,1,1,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,6,3,17,20,6,2,17,0,22,6,2,6,9,58,58,26,1,7,15,1,2,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,15,15,2,2,6,2,1,10,11,11,0,0,12,6,38,9,55,42,5,62,1,2,2,0,18,19,1,5,31,194,53,4,0.08455501154444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525235735660299,0.14990583195337634,0.0,0.0,0.08757349150279584,0.09330855783285084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725009220953464,0.0,0.0,0.09552309541805944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577197511312477,0.09338436710096726,0.21585026116035105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865432087793314,0.0,0.0,0.06751029641432871,0.0,0.0,0.10906197476917934,0.0,0.14565421508711335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654563721835615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566344176892014,0.0,0.0,0.07063486228327978,0.0,0.14978128594261314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599259223752718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550710886140096,0.060406117142240284,0.0,0.0,0.07728174870842919,0.0,0.0,0.0927102058267658,0.13065398434292347,0.0,0.08835300730513856,0.08111287180956495,0.24027280815856344,0.0,0.06762636697939636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677783596601972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667544189509205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892361981577808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646322808149652,0.059723705242610274,0.04130930760200857,0.0,0.07466362431336701,0.07482852442579105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000799637800082,0.16932338035902236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392155626300654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986859581596357,0.0,0.12539293933508708,0.26085615021676045,0.0,0.08992521403320675,0.07934915042089137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004832771778486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938883339091265,0.09156483767690847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993181650452716,0.0,0.08098032789556431,0.08602284481606504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000228170612408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624211458542893,0.10833621110036433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578434506544824,0.14441903571644082,0.0,0.13448307793960135,0.16930863459402934,0.0,0.0673793968266721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994477931694312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059848472373412814,0.09012439190410486,0.06752574144355332,0.0706917757739427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938419542635876,0.0,0.12714969136079446,0.06796211539251179,0.14780961400567694,0.15569378861209845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930470720495533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222190750584487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987273655372056,0.0,0.06782492998127962,0.0,0.0,0.07838334282210968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544506551896721
suicidewatch,SadnessMyMiddleName,2018/04/02,"I have decided to end it at 19. It has become too hard to handle. Every day I find it harder to keep on living. Others around me seem to have it all. People have ignored me for a long time and this is just too much now. 

I don't know what to do to be honest. Please help.",-1.0517857142857174,0.8368375833333346,1.7161904761904765,98.02500000000003,89.83333333333334,4.095238095238095,11.904761904761903,5.288315135182226,-1.4120238095238091,205,2,50,1,7,71,45,60,0.06,0.8059999999999999,0.134,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,10,11,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,10,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563494142144123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180341129232894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571324878111672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25505103201997903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262247054422664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631942921353404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579595869340863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930165020891847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559560360303058,0.0,0.0,0.15825773185203068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25427788679518154,0.25483947823284714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116870057727821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963829285268,0.0,0.0,0.31609849410185104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621520218359097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791438766101646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MichaelJordanOfDumb,2018/04/02,"Nobody cares That includes you guys. Everyone in here, looking through posts trying to find someone in the same situation they're in so they feel a bit less alone. Everyone half heartedly commenting bullshit about ""talk to me, I'm a good listener *hugs*"" and then stops responding two messages later when they realize how heavy your pain is. Everyone in real life that asks how you're doing, then acts like they didn't hear you when you say ""bad. I'm doing real bad"". Because that's so confusing. And you know what? This shit is anonymous so I'm going to jerk myself off a bit here. I have *never* left a single person who I have thought was suffering until I know I've helped them. if it's a long term problem then goddamnit I'll keep checking in on them, making sure they're ok, forever. I've been checking in on the same friend for three years, someone I barely talked to, because he seemed to be in a bad situation. I've skipped classes and labs to console friends in bad situations. So what did I do to deserve all these sympathetic passers-by's? Why do I even hate myself enough to need to fucking talk to anyone? I considered seriously killing myself a couple times so far this year. and it showed. there's zero chance people didn't know. I'm literally breaking down. I'm non functioning. my mind is frozen. my body is broken. my will has degraded to nothing. I was already a husk, so I don't know what I've become now. Dead. I'm dead. All that's left is that final, technical switch keeping me alive. so why then. why is it that even as I walk to deaths door I get stabbed in the back. by people who are like me even. what the fuck is wrong with you people. what the fuck is wrong with me. 

I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired of being sad. it's been nearly 10 years with this shit
i know because i marked the anniversary of my first depressive episode. it's in 4 months. I've effectively been refused from going back to 3 therapists (think uni counselors) because they said I'm just too fucked for them, and to try to find someone else. the only people I talk to are gonna stop talking to me when I shave my head (crown thinning+manbun=nobody notices) because that's what people do. they leave when you show weakness. and then I'll go back to being alone. and I don't know if I can do that again. I can't go back to being alone after knowing them. did you know they took care or me when I was drunk? these people sat with me all night, said they loved me, gave me a place to stay and breakfast in the morning. my family wouldn't do that. but they're human, in the end. when I break down, really break down, there won't be a person who can say they didn't know. they'll leave me for someone lower maintenence. and I'm close. I'm Leonidas, walking towards Xerxes in that last scene. I've faced all the arrows and I'm still stumbling on. but there's a final volley coming, and I don't think I'm doing to survive it. I don't know what the arrow that kills me is going to look like, but it's already left the bow. better start preparing to leave a pretty corpse. 

Now try to pretend you care, you depressive philistines. tell me about why I'm wrong, or why my attitude is all turned around, or why life is worth living and send over those Internet hugs that seem to mean so much to you. tell me I don't exercise enough or how going bald at 19 isn't bad. Tell me that friends don't mean anything, as long as you learn to be happy on your own. Send over that tough love^TM that simultaneously lets me know how stupid i am for feeling like this and also doesn't even try to give an alternative. Give me those same garbage coping mechanisms you give to all the broken people that post here, and pray to God that I decide not to take you up on your offer and send something to your dms, where you'll have to pretend to care for *even longer*. or maybe you won't. maybe you'll see all this hateful garbage I'm spewing and you'll decide that I'm not worth the time it takes to comment. I'm not worth your effort, to try to fix this cynical mess. I understand that. I wouldn't comment on this cesspool of a post either. the vile writings of a pouting child who comments on suicide boards, insulting the people who try to help others. I get it. and in a sense I'm sorry. but in a much more real sense, I don't care at all about how this comes across. take it how you will. comment or don't comment. delete this post or ban me. whatever. but at the end of the day, as angry and angsty as I sound, I'm right and you all know it. and shame on you if you pretend to care about people just to make yourself feel better. Happy Easter. ",2.0157942184384297,4.070430333687568,3.11733011737454,91.54460351765397,78.8193411264612,5.9720402631673215,22.368995450691948,7.0065112034254815,0.5831194187393285,3628,111,772,41,89,1163,363,941,0.161,0.7390000000000001,0.1,-0.9936,2,3,1,0,0,2,122.0,0,26,13,7,51,60,16,2,35,1,67,24,7,9,11,117,158,69,6,7,21,0,3,4,3,11,7,7,1,5,56,28,2,6,30,7,5,15,22,37,0,5,17,13,96,23,105,123,24,111,1,4,3,8,90,45,7,13,47,471,152,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312754136254046,0.094563919432745,0.034264172242921484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02995913059631485,0.0,0.035258855818326516,0.038142292738523764,0.04005550856012336,0.0,0.0,0.13178464602624113,0.17887436246413746,0.1305935401223305,0.04732037431460935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578814453218123,0.09355412941490997,0.04759258253333579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621079627750212,0.0,0.0,0.07381659063329618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740861823194048,0.0,0.02763232021473213,0.0,0.07380691428759957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03579258741767561,0.0,0.0758982122614244,0.08854336704374548,0.0,0.1414978919451104,0.0,0.0,0.12282443314506553,0.0,0.0,0.04039168031824575,0.0,0.06499313306112721,0.03060940672192384,0.0,0.09387205909749446,0.07832148763435948,0.03644504260747748,0.0,0.0,0.09930883996008058,0.19805357899226314,0.044770848775793286,0.12330623127567725,0.1461032449775133,0.03593744530269197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042424575282675056,0.0,0.09122137044134183,0.0,0.08460370548864186,0.04397266702770522,0.0,0.04829089634735436,0.05077307418685203,0.05743794616120217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616752380244905,0.09480616994770184,0.0,0.2825664847302271,0.03492545476347361,0.0,0.13610414195461648,0.1396578975236413,0.043813246737991536,0.06052722046035994,0.08373015566046005,0.0,0.03783406966150868,0.07583525798081132,0.07196020515446751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734092080302496,0.0,0.05720047860645204,0.0,0.08608973862064895,0.09334436744036832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043262550929278186,0.0,0.0341995094922735,0.0,0.0629939238821407,0.03176999004196262,0.033045709506118216,0.0,0.0,0.04020835195470239,0.0,0.041112182356310124,0.04878079882954586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032586543412117634,0.045591486234819484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26733807869338033,0.07482347652438145,0.04476526623707238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641396540812756,0.04359009267474692,0.0,0.040998124510630535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630541583329473,0.027448438214251584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036590507814161385,0.08151328984489385,0.06814619817685527,0.0,0.0,0.03414295537799602,0.07801132832312889,0.0,0.0,0.08796222660475596,0.0,0.14448311596981814,0.0,0.0,0.14521413062944016,0.03298517657348348,0.0,0.04796292722943585,0.03032683309622299,0.045668457068063335,0.034217112137470126,0.07164285403295845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046866900170198636,0.0,0.04038213258571211,0.0,0.09664526048574873,0.17219117286029242,0.11234866946976577,0.0,0.0,0.04974785901998645,0.0,0.05490836054908039,0.0,0.03401517782299001,0.04996804653370161,0.09849104244540974,0.0,0.0,0.04760381806061007,0.17453895938580916,0.046604472968969454,0.04185461125926688,0.04460451145552483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319727395253985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053711539070987,0.0,0.08277484118295175
suicidewatch,Naos210,2018/04/02,"I'm really feeling close to ending it... I just don't see a whole lot of reason to go on. First, there's my ongoing problems. A 19 year old who is depressed and never leaves home. I have no motivation or aspirations. They've all been drained out of me over the years and has been almost entirely depleted. And even then, I always wanted something outside of my abilities. I'm book smart, and that's it. Math, memory, etc. Stuff in the brain. But I never wanted that for myself. I've lost a lot of interest in video games. And I can't shut myself away and listen to music because my father won't let me. Complained it's too loud, but if I can hear anything, it defeats the purpose. Plus, he goes around with his monotone singing and he can hear his music and he doesn't care.

Which brings up a more recent point. My father has begun drinking hard liquor, a LOT of it. He's become emotionally abusive, insulting his kids, and his girlfriend (my mother), despite her making the sole income. And I don't like confrontation, so I just shut down whenever he gets in my or anyone else's face. My older brother kept him in check, but he has moved out. 

I have nowhere to go. I didn't have any real friends in high school. Can't go there to calm myself. I can't get a job. I'm too anxious to go asking for one, and I'm prone to screwing things up. I usually just listened to music and kept to myself, but as I said, I can't do that anymore. I can't even go for a walk because I know I'm going to get scolded about that.

So, to sum up. No support, nowhere to go, terrible home situation, no longer any suitable escapism. I've been depressed since age 12, maybe earlier. I've getting the urge to just literally lay in bed and sleep. Because sleep is the only time I feel safe and okay. I've never committed major self-harm, but my will to live is getting consumed day by day. I don't think I have the courage to end it, but who knows? It's becoming more and more an attractive option... Can someone just... I don't know... What do I do?
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suicidewatch,depressedteen2,2018/04/02,"Thinking about killing myself I have had severe depression and suffering from social anxiety and mental health problems for about 3/4 years now on and off and I think now I have finally reached the point where I may be ready to successfully commit suicide.I'm not enjoying anything in life anymore properly. I'm not liking college really it's boring and monotonous and my mental health problems mean I can't put all my effort in.I'm struggling with friendships due largely to my severe social anxiety which in turn makes my depression worse.I have violent mood swings where I frequently drop drastically from being ok to feeling so low .I have no confidence or belief in myself and I'm useless.I fucking hate myself.My family don't understand me at all or get me and what I'm going through.I want an easy way to end all this pain I don't want to go on at all. I attempted suicide twice before and failed and ended up in hospital in A and E. I don't want to fail this time,I want it to be successful and for me to go to sleep and never wake up .I have too much pain and sadness to deal with and I don't want to deal with it anymore 
P.S Nobody knows I want to commit suicide ",3.769176788124156,5.567489700854701,5.097773279352229,80.44985829959515,72.93162393162393,8.345119208277103,28.55510571300045,8.99025400887824,2.4847982905982904,946,38,176,20,19,315,126,234,0.277,0.585,0.138,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,7,14.0,0,0,0,6,8,23,4,1,3,1,15,8,2,1,7,46,38,18,3,8,4,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,18,0,0,7,0,0,4,9,17,0,1,1,1,22,5,33,33,5,31,1,7,0,1,4,16,1,3,10,113,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674698931252148,0.0,0.21710552643332054,0.0,0.0,0.09007447436061587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314055828949937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256924496485833,0.1885517511654211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938943115336388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318710828151603,0.0,0.055345171793575766,0.0,0.0,0.11990571140372308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119200756193757,0.0571872027120931,0.0,0.18662223558158592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806695401739023,0.0,0.2326971268848248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109888035197985,0.0,0.060155165261046716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731330811708118,0.053475570776522485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306395689921688,0.0,0.0,0.11923167437760646,0.0,0.0,0.22061551213358416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046410539855378,0.0,0.0844206326199068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329417142223948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347303692342734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094727369540265,0.0,0.11003535976846203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012149392787359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473124022815902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095368872617493,0.22315696322572826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442909824774244,0.0,0.23945821835477055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402723259071524,0.0,0.0,0.06382574564445395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905869626522375,0.0,0.11394946972102743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873664132682295,0.08688253705675376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048725903316165
suicidewatch,XXnoir,2018/04/02,"I use to be suicidal assuming killing myself will end my suffering. I use to be suicidal assuming killing myself will end my suffering. Lately I've becoming doubtful because no-one knows what will happen. If there is a punishment after committing suicide or your suffering will continue, well then you're fucked, cause once you're dead, you can't undo that. I would like to write more, but too tired: (.",6.7101369863013725,8.188997000000004,6.914958904109592,71.48997260273975,65.30136986301369,11.867397260273972,36.51780821917808,11.602472056035307,4.9505035616438375,323,16,53,11,5,104,52,73,0.383,0.5660000000000001,0.051,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,2,0,0,3,10,4,1,1,0,9,2,0,3,1,14,14,4,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,0,9,2,4,7,1,6,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,5,7,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835438039929013,0.19631023993679292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825975903336444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148664074538792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432644997192358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718320154689355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933067360410918,0.0,0.09768641805798474,0.0,0.2005090579606263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683937514086436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929730284590865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832869594185525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429677970778395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30703681072019645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981805150006734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262680691838136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,need-to-talk12345678,2018/04/02,how are you supposed to deal with your sister trying to kill her self ? i don’t want to go into detail on here so if you want to know pm me but she is currently in a mental hospital she’s coming home in a few days and i don’t know what to say to her i’ve cried and cried but it doesn’t fix anything i honestly wanted to slit my neck and wrists the other day but my famils been through so much i don’t want to disappoint them even more NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ASAP 🙏,0.923354700854702,2.3313108653846157,2.985897435897435,94.23688034188037,79.76923076923076,6.160683760683763,19.247863247863243,6.937597516519254,0.03208888888888861,366,8,88,4,9,124,71,104,0.127,0.7979999999999999,0.075,-0.8151,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,1,0,5,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,2,1,0,18,16,10,1,6,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,1,15,1,16,15,3,9,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,3,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666371960186467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443262688625433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448653405549314,0.26118671483826256,0.2087647873550265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374689228586412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508331031180632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031202932488494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403214679956895,0.0,0.2225733347053992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406863654278687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885807548632776,0.1501484360528024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103318045873488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124779726409634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157445263579668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627588505562748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748169130390184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777502423930637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0xf34ea0170760bc6d28,2018/04/02,I keep getting screamed at This week I got screamed at for a solid hour. Today I went to look for my knife in the house to cut. My mom noticed so she asked what I was looking for. I lied and told her my iPhone charger. Then I got screamed at for another 30 minutes for losing the iPhone charger. Ffs.,0.6990552995391752,2.955556048387102,1.757834101382489,98.23532258064516,85.29032258064517,4.188018433179724,24.98617511520737,5.288315135182226,0.26736589861751137,233,10,52,1,7,73,42,62,0.27,0.706,0.024,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,5,5,11,0,11,5,0,9,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,0,4,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474920703866912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065087070484404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331296143382768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775404069468579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243640376382615,0.2723403667246456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978925309631072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964019555412572,0.2640508323573221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764288215211129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687152434792101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372345010148065,0.2255313446389736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893244662549742,0.0,0.0,0.21879690177597727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScottyMengele,2018/04/02,"Empty I feel empty inside. I have no ambition in life and have no motivation to move forward with confidence. When I think about my future, I am 100% uncertain on what I will be doing and whether or not I'll be alive anytime soon. I'm almost at the end of my first year at university and so far it hasn't been great. I have friends and have fun, but once I think about the bigger picture, everything gets crushed. I feel so left behind. I was always sheltered and reclusive so I didn't really learn much about the world. It doesn't help that I get severely self-conscious and anxious to the point that everyday life is an obstacle. I sit here looking up to my peers who already know how to do their taxes and have their driver's liscense. I admire them, but what am I exactly? I've failed my road test 5 times and have a thin understanding of taxes/the adult world. I have poor work ethic and am currently struggling academically to the point that the stress may kill me. I always feel tired and don't put enough effort into studying like I should be. Should I just end it here before my parents waste their hard earned money on someone like me?

Thank you for reading.",4.740847826086957,5.839306421739135,5.253641304347828,83.00002717391308,69.56521739130434,8.184782608695654,27.85326086956522,8.472884824447931,1.866891304347826,927,31,182,14,16,297,143,230,0.235,0.6779999999999999,0.087,-0.9889,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,4,6,12,12,1,3,8,0,26,3,0,2,1,34,38,19,1,2,6,1,5,2,1,4,3,0,0,1,9,12,0,0,9,1,3,3,7,5,0,1,3,6,30,7,20,28,2,30,0,1,1,0,10,17,0,4,13,122,39,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568175220169466,0.0,0.16054580824241374,0.0,0.2421095845874671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435612033766028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379662859864067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577122417251514,0.1503244208976859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075212418420493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068406512964944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374907590432628,0.0,0.0,0.11240099516917723,0.0,0.15201933560972258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603972196050939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032557229188138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751522087441436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095708883393522,0.0,0.07995449875836985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806937903214147,0.0,0.2055200670142776,0.14215279564773284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221703728770513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462704264200994,0.10694787699881823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493628762569658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154336538965886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750598312320213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625214639184572,0.0,0.0,0.14552391077200227,0.0,0.09320112204598494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517721048338216,0.16435612033766028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326857912601527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665204970392786,0.15209202990412174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394261851002806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644123840250784,0.0,0.0,0.08483320557322208,0.1672130777667491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514545375412083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591447826142317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368727424138994
suicidewatch,shinatsu,2018/04/02,"Currently drunk and feeling like shit I guess loneliness really does have the ability to kill. Fuck. I feel too lonely. I feel like shit because I'm only lonely because I push people away. Idk. I'm sorry. If I may end up killing myself tonight, I hope it won't cause too much trouble to my family.",0.9378389830508488,3.507448440677969,3.08625,86.0714088983051,90.01694915254238,6.339830508474578,22.62923728813559,7.6454224807358475,1.537761016949153,234,9,44,5,8,79,44,59,0.442,0.412,0.146,-0.9741,1,4,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,1,0,3,4,2,1,0,9,11,2,2,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,3,8,3,4,9,1,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,4,5,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220539368979985,0.0,0.0,0.23643815921202796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992214711391664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697111030660275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176609173934992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828217255803935,0.0,0.2941733704439125,0.27708996069501746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792869065285318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363783995677216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261812400267736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291138038562212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949065030658627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256225260342306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749394059282578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444795362417708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423773408974716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981365946420105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709087244907999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CalebGodwin,2018/04/02,"Application I'm confident I'm a strong candidate for a completed suicide. I have a number of risk factors. For instance, I'm over a white male over 50, with low career success, numerous setbacks, and low ability to cope with stressful life events.

Other factors also point to an elevated risk of a successful suicide. I often feel a thwarted sense of belonging. In psychological testing, I score low on Openness to Experience (OTE) and high in Neuroticism. My reaction to stressful events is rigid and uncreative, often exacerbating the problems I'm trying to address. I see myself as a burden to others. I live alone, and I have never had a partner for longer than four months. Those relationships have been few, and years apart. I do not have many confidantes, and none nearby. I spend most of my days alone, and I rarely have the desire to go out. 

I don't plan on commiting suicide tonight or the next, but I doubt I'll live past my 50s. It's reasonable to think that I'll be dead, by my own hand, within the next five years. ",4.892711571675303,6.729089082901558,5.874632124352335,75.86134369602766,70.08808290155439,9.084490500863557,31.519516407599312,9.558583805096642,3.1607108117443867,815,36,144,19,15,269,120,193,0.211,0.6990000000000001,0.09,-0.9507,0,2,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,0,4,3,15,0,7,13,0,11,2,1,1,2,26,19,11,4,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,5,11,0,1,3,0,1,1,4,12,0,2,2,4,16,3,28,16,4,27,0,3,2,0,3,15,0,5,11,93,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136619572495413,0.0,0.12109478496244047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876658180468695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765681338201744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812303298247878,0.0,0.0,0.07656519873756652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605850696092494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998917929268702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695619164615452,0.0,0.0,0.2674226884824784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352152162017724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086625698781785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167885527251093,0.0,0.3220851213730476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445526155215676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314588570743894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489359428502752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569046329718556,0.0,0.16257413946218996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066638616477213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34691441717211,0.0,0.0,0.4969042145010947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702723979717122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280786202639143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950259009573369
suicidewatch,watch117,2018/04/02,"Girl asked me if I was depressed A girl in my class, don't know her very well and I'm not sure about her at all. Just randomly asked if I was depressed. I was taken back from the question, I said no. But anyone could tell from my hesitation that I was. 

Gonna be a shock when she hears of my death, huh?",0.6263636363636387,2.1780104242424265,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,81.12121212121212,5.612121212121212,18.575757575757574,6.42735559955562,-0.3900424242424237,232,5,59,2,6,76,49,66,0.278,0.688,0.034,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,0,2,12,15,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,6,2,12,2,6,6,1,4,0,2,0,0,11,2,0,4,2,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021213125530156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818890550196887,0.0,0.0,0.19817991589211625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577794370319052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439682013596808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904825733513127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164270741781956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887187034402999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24516204903466665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429092578140601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252690333558874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126558025359174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317319230117859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alt-848,2018/04/02,"i am always scared I had a date and a plan turns out the plan was Terrible and won't work at all. like, pills. terrible death and something like 40:1 failure to success ratio. I have everything for the new plan (plan 1 + a plastic bag) did some research and its not too pleasant either. dying isn't supposed to be pleasant i guess but i wish it would just be like falling asleep. I would just shoot myself but I can't get a gun.

I don't want to find out what happens if I fuck it up. but I can't go on living like this and i really just want to sleep forever. I'm scare of failing and I'm scared of succeeding and of not doing anything and living and I'm scared to Get Help???? fuck


I'm sorry this doesn't make sense does it. First time trying to articulate anything like this. I don't even know whats wrong with me by all measures i should be alive and happy but i really want to be not forced to experience anything if i could just be unaware. I'm so sorry. It really is selfish but i'm not a good person and i don't care how anyone around me ends up feeling as long as I don't have to be there to deal with it. see? im shit. i know people will be sad and itll tear a massive hole in the lives of my close friends + family but it doesn't matter if i dont have to experience it. problem is, all these shit suicide methods i keep coming up with probably will make me experience it! maybe even with brain damage! 

I'm around people and sometimes I'm so tense and terrified and i can't even choke a word out to my friends (who are genuinely good people. except for like one of them) and it's just so obvious that im tense and freaking out and every single noise and pair of eyes is just tearing chunks out of me and i'm terrified and I don't know why! its all normal really theres nothing out of place. gotta rehearse every single word i say and can't open my mouth without breaking a sweat. Sometimes i don't and just go with it and i say stupid stupid nonsensical things or sometimes just straight up lies and i dont know why and people just look at me and try to gloss over it. 


I don't know. It feels like I'm ready to kill myself. I've been falling apart for 3 years or so, its gotten better at times but always downhill.  my life isnt going anywhere, i need to just end it. I have a plan and everything I need but I'm most scared of failing and dealing with repercussions. 

Sorry. Long post. I don't know how to communicate these things. i read it over and its a very very long stupid nonsensical thing. I'm sorry.",0.4003158736505412,2.611506499061917,2.3850595146556763,93.52570417986654,86.26078799249531,5.296207670777843,19.61950604373635,6.712420376136187,0.1753063636084029,1976,58,439,24,61,658,219,533,0.269,0.62,0.111,-0.9985,0,0,2,2,0,2,48.0,0,0,1,12,24,41,8,5,13,0,47,12,8,4,5,114,92,51,4,15,30,0,2,7,2,8,2,2,0,1,31,47,0,1,9,1,0,6,24,23,0,2,5,7,44,18,58,71,9,43,0,4,3,2,10,24,4,8,18,272,75,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941442994906486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459722042786034,0.0,0.16231385457920938,0.11705848858280248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814835065271095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339599163887826,0.0,0.0,0.0670339924640761,0.0,0.0,0.05663567860946798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249405574451707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556564058767753,0.0,0.0,0.06823555979746374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753610981727227,0.0,0.1541112396996871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646559993607415,0.0,0.0,0.13027687781352065,0.0,0.11079026564257287,0.0,0.11817928775203625,0.19294111180243725,0.061980923404194074,0.0,0.06648785707553473,0.046970051221721036,0.0,0.0,0.060092054696903985,0.05592481858934351,0.0,0.0,0.10159276290608897,0.1215650709525035,0.06870074547157927,0.0,0.11209751568523936,0.11029182381612317,0.0,0.0,0.07242832082763273,0.0,0.05814032692805851,0.06998947220817155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406918594945832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203723748747102,0.0,0.0,0.058439428881028516,0.07273990474616532,0.0,0.21679875049349293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643942744723712,0.2248464675525988,0.0,0.17416883045835793,0.1745534951459815,0.05521136937962935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777397858311538,0.0,0.06605223468412114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750192632879376,0.0,0.06349937775906707,0.0,0.0,0.06441862351579818,0.06308653181864918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044552230403641764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232424596093932,0.05740821043780999,0.06869217908112127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296796300033389,0.0,0.07088696151098957,0.06291151036519606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576532592960979,0.0,0.16847821463409413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457015544309343,0.3291237549847538,0.0,0.0523922720075711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497779707839908,0.0,0.0,0.0657950157957908,0.0,0.0,0.050615663586329566,0.1950779760074514,0.2943959246484459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191713062575686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103921981626562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667583127170761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927651921966732,0.07151443680043422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084972019043689,0.1163387965317966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186538456030346,0.0,0.07560641903050172,0.06337827629335682,0.0,0.047864987592590016,0.0,0.0,0.09341032312198402,0.07188460689467947,0.0,0.042339256093763177
suicidewatch,ArcaneUnderdog,2018/04/02,"Toughts on death all the time. I made this Alt account just to post this. I think of death all the time. It's either that, or thinking about all the massive fuckups my life has been up to this point. Sometimes listening to sad music of dubious quality. I don't find comfort in anything or anyone. It's fun to think that just 3 months ago I was the luckiest person from my point of view. A loving girlfriend, a caring best friend, and just about a good life. When my gf told me she never loved me and we should part ways, I collapsed. Then, who the fuck knows why, I told my best friend I liked them. And I didn't. I really don't know why I said it. I was really close to my GF, but now it seems it was all bullshit. With my best friend, it's just fucking hillarious how she used to comfort me and talking to me everyday, to just no contact at all. My life's a mess now. I got no real friends. My ex and my Best friend hang out everyday at college now, while I suffer alone and cry myself to sleep everynight. I cut myself on multiple ocassions. And my family found a suicide note I wrote the other day. I just can't stand life anymore.",1.9266748416104635,3.7649292660944234,3.22126302881668,91.72955650929904,78.2274678111588,6.32650725526262,23.54159002656857,7.2636822038024595,0.82737702840793,881,29,191,11,21,286,127,233,0.197,0.63,0.173,-0.659,0,1,0,0,0,3,30.0,1,0,1,4,13,23,3,0,11,0,10,9,1,3,6,42,30,14,3,1,10,1,0,1,8,1,4,2,0,1,13,11,0,0,8,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,12,3,36,17,23,17,11,28,0,2,1,4,24,10,2,4,15,130,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345090655795947,0.0,0.0,0.10918617461030286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045510395336434,0.07371403762848726,0.0,0.08675394021110976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425386859962293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748551913975683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580194001877843,0.06798895199988622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938318581325044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635448311888656,0.0,0.0,0.11559060336466308,0.4072467736296314,0.1949232662457576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842360050462186,0.0843162033003681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587517212818935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29785282267914226,0.05150423028091351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902962947461935,0.0997535545613136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414743283302592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130852349546124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416256430104522,0.0,0.0,0.0920510784897565,0.0,0.0,0.19931714778103515,0.0,0.10096585245002343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999416887076993,0.13507302562494458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028117631002607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597291171337838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549888451607606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426579487579056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531537711249648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473481267896507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026519232235994,0.0,0.0,0.12294570600324282,0.0,0.0,0.201471909817184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105140714335204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367967150199429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025526786884192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Timothy2019,2018/04/02,I'm committed to life but sometimes i wish i was dead Hi im 17 and a junior in high school. For the past 4 months ive been trying to kill myself because I hate my life and I feel pretty worthless. I've taken aeound 34 pain killers at one point and woke up in a emergency room. I've contacted the suicide hotline multiple times and it helps but something in me doesn't feel quite right. If you have advice could you help me get through this.,1.5995893719806773,3.6737865434782613,2.7618840579710167,93.46814009661837,80.30434782608697,5.828019323671497,23.265700483091784,6.937597516519254,0.6658946859903381,350,12,76,4,9,112,70,92,0.335,0.5329999999999999,0.132,-0.985,0,0,1,0,0,3,5.0,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,12,14,7,3,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,2,11,0,9,9,0,12,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,1,3,39,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791476413785192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234633976173501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170764042882144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048154659106604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581612802008056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999612867692543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27150975379722725,0.2139892460137912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187724514839579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407486323340933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861127847277272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166142807705802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372428925948745,0.0,0.21551141762841936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334248317002026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914609493462871,0.0,0.0,0.2060508099802701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542080091805016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296370138403547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049761356704103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592126405929835,0.2003121988600275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215403122308218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809973126491892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750790507569638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23290514419763006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mustang1891,2018/04/02,Suicidal I’m really suicidal. I don’t even know what else to do. I have no one. I am so alone. I’m too much of a fucking coward to even go through with killing myself. I wish I had a gun or an easy way to just end it all already. ,-2.1812668463611864,-0.4048961886792437,1.3892722371967672,98.58773584905664,95.7924528301887,5.292722371967655,18.892183288409704,6.868970318607317,0.11641455525606448,174,6,46,3,7,63,40,53,0.379,0.5329999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9618,0,1,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,11,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,6,0,6,10,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25598345451130816,0.27274745541873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064706539150287,0.0,0.21891059919377595,0.0,0.0,0.3264939964980298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284956462496498,0.0,0.0,0.1404668522451187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27344617023432466,0.0,0.13583279641096355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816912047296716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748216569413804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833716967452546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407063430308271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618428303678945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842220621702444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saddestlifeever,2018/04/02,"Bye. I'm gonna commit suicide on the 6th this month, 3 days to go.",-2.71125,-1.1246796249999989,0.8049999999999997,103.54,95.25,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.588025,50,1,14,0,2,18,16,16,0.254,0.621,0.124,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40209295292242775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543379922980932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497655703660937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6819858099975514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Infinikey,2018/04/02,"Death can't come soon enough. Sort of a vent but, living is painful. I came to the conclusion that I might never kill myself, but I don't really care if I die, either. If someone were in the act of murdering me, I might night even defend myself. I just came back from walking outside and a car nearly hit me; I honestly wish it did. Only thing I do is frustrate the ones around me. I'm never validated, but maybe I don't deserve it. Whatever. I really can't live anymore. I don't want to live. It's painful....",0.9715844155844168,3.1070185047619105,3.304155844155844,88.37493506493506,83.0,6.484848484848484,21.926406926406926,7.686295010490155,1.0319523809523807,393,13,83,7,11,135,66,105,0.251,0.639,0.109,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,1,2,20.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,5,0,12,2,0,0,2,20,20,6,4,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,6,7,5,0,1,4,0,16,2,8,13,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877873823294525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252523966634328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310900126006152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662293987651451,0.163235250299275,0.0,0.0,0.13791419597512736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616120080896715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654287629651186,0.0,0.10574624393981688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712978328642612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241205333165575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084456057525046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396870725581368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24696195897772585,0.0,0.0,0.15024542541839964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848965150370248,0.12176522637347675,0.3407208657805466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513162445538047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565439624187145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636503988228052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944326496320078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411006537153174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9231746,2018/04/02,"How do I actually get help? I lived by the idea that it'd get better or i could make my own change for the past 5-6 years of depression/suicidal thoughts. I've quit and upgraded jobs 3 times thinking it'd help with my hopelessness, I've exercised, I go out riding on weekends, but I can't remember the last time I've felt happy. I cant afford any therapy and I'm just spiraling downward at this point. I haven't got any friends anymore after relocating, and can't imagine myself finding any fulfillment the way i'm going. 

Everything just feels so empty, and i don't even look forward to my hobbies anymore as I just do em to make the time pass. It's been six years of this shit.",5.487142857142856,5.187919571428573,6.659285714285716,78.48821428571429,67.57142857142857,10.428571428571429,33.92857142857143,10.125756701596842,3.2477142857142844,540,23,111,12,8,183,92,140,0.112,0.8079999999999999,0.081,-0.7274,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,5,0,11,2,1,3,0,23,25,9,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,2,0,5,5,2,0,1,4,3,13,3,12,18,1,20,0,1,1,0,3,6,1,1,10,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.15102309950133572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31572561819563466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069599863588298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687233895408696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637151952099081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123562992076084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221729294019713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390879994787536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825113187066131,0.0,0.14859353891556187,0.0,0.1414475214962734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956692600631935,0.0,0.16171106514688502,0.0,0.1759069574121658,0.0,0.12377543413416207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474453111333248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074642698889253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470481374438132,0.0,0.0,0.15357507836057707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614977479708486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366556112090508,0.0,0.12995913347536392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660654366155848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773560267502153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629789726829925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460594345619128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531252118488516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885856250102676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928194470043886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769811535980935,0.0,0.0,0.09916373837725684,0.0,0.12286187971246365,0.2707247991457415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228410111336002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932028840303045
suicidewatch,VoidLands,2018/04/02,"Everything Feels Empty I want to get my story out there, so maybe this community is a good place to start…

I'm a 20 years old trans girl from Brazil. I've been suffering through depression and anxiety since I was a little kid, I've been told I was a mistake and worthless by my parents countless times even as a child… I had problems in school but instead of solving any of them my parents just beat me and threw me in a public school where I was beaten and bullied every day. Maybe the only friend I had back then was my brother, but we were distant in a sense since he has Asperger's… but we got along and watched cartoons together while our parents shouted to each others and shut doors down around the house.

When I turned 12 I was finally back in a particular school, a good one, but I didn't really perform well in it as my depression was already piling up on me even then… and all the matters and teaching system were way more superior than what I was used to… so I was basically performing extremely subpar… which obviously destroyed my self-esteem and I'd feel like a worthless disappointment.

Around 12, also, is when my gender dysphoria started to peak as a child… I'd cry every night wanting to be a girl even if I didn't know why it happened… it just did… and it stung even more that at school the girls wouldn't really even try to socialize with me… everyone deemed me gross and hideous.

15 years old came by and I was still in the same school, just high school, and my (late) puberty hit me… which obviously just made everything go even more downhill as I started to get more and more masculine… it was also very fat since 6… so I just got fatter. I was also doing extremely subpar in highschool… which, once again, still made me feel empty and worthless.

At 18 I miraculously entered the top university of my country for Linguistics (I'm not sure how, but I was called in the 4th wait list). It took me a semester of happiness, but things started to go back to as they were before… I got unmotivated quickly and noticed I chose my course wrongly as I was hating it… around that time I was also living by myself with my brother in São Paulo and even started my hormonal therapy at 19 in 2017. 

Even if things were shitty in uni, I was still losing weight and becoming more feminine and I started to blossom socially. I'd attract people that were romantically interested, even went in dates and made friends in bars… but then… I was date raped one day.

I couldn't do much about it, the guy didn't leave any marks or bruises and there was no way to prove it happened, and I was also terrified to go go the police because I was still presenting male… and I know they'd not take a ""man"" seriously in a rape claim… and with how homophobic and transphobic Brazil is… I even feared worse…

So with that… I started to just stay home crying things off and spent months just in bed… I started to grow nearly obese again and my friends started to abandon me as ""I am too much of a bummer""… I also gad dropped uni…

After a few months… my really anti-LGBT parents caught up that I was on hormones and I was met with the ultimatum: stop it or you're out. The only thing keeping me together was over… in 3 months, most of the progress I had of 7 months of hormones were over as Testosterone is a really potent thing… so my gender dysphoria went even more severe…

Nowadays I'm just bed struck and have some social gatherings I go to… I can barely look at myself in the mirror and acknowledging my genitals literally throws me in panic attacks…

I'm now back on my hormones because I really don't care anymore… I'm just making things more bearable until I finally off myself… that is, if Brazil doesn't kill me first as my life expectancy as a trans woman here is 30… since this country is literally the most violent towards us in the world (even more than Iran… in Iran it's actually socially acceptable).

I still have some shallow friendships but they all feel empty as I have to be a man around people… and I just can't take it anymore…",7.217008253732729,6.412132193916353,7.543765804197968,75.25300936659558,64.19645120405576,10.790083155584409,34.95999876348573,10.097256963172876,3.3281064700608987,3187,124,615,61,41,1045,339,789,0.155,0.767,0.078,-0.9968,4,0,0,0,1,2,45.0,4,0,4,8,62,37,7,2,35,0,58,6,1,7,6,110,113,73,1,10,25,6,5,1,3,1,3,1,3,8,28,47,3,4,9,0,1,14,11,23,1,3,51,8,82,14,93,56,20,114,0,9,2,2,35,48,0,9,48,424,110,8,0.0,0.0,0.047686572227583685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392530437863792,0.23447072776577055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646167615372632,0.0,0.037382673919832264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400587944850154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030102796131153,0.0,0.05957702636036868,0.0539691164142416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989807357214462,0.05589016089466862,0.049822567132348214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735492514372948,0.06302959044869892,0.0,0.08417714371573852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38730967690073226,0.0,0.08234412489373806,0.04669395390414152,0.08783596622018798,0.0,0.0,0.05498830283844286,0.09883331130566454,0.03491017682496146,0.0,0.10706153868933252,0.0,0.04156574785583846,0.0,0.0,0.1132622136320293,0.0,0.051061370171774416,0.0,0.13885954959319882,0.08197366133566833,0.11724880894370154,0.0,0.0,0.04838543387321784,0.04321240962966999,0.052019207710446,0.0,0.04824546822300868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163005067344542,0.04901699882868271,0.0,0.0,0.056385282278320015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343471515830534,0.054063448322261384,0.0,0.05371140771830467,0.0,0.05512344488331911,0.051742478005866704,0.0,0.0,0.03451579424898088,0.02387366215754354,0.04897698575737521,0.04314993994787771,0.0,0.041035481496341016,0.054669019129824095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871575097551275,0.032618711639278715,0.0,0.09818576444047704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170141193406813,0.0,0.07184487571425484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045857820418765766,0.0,0.0,0.055634737656728,0.10255416519685913,0.05204113742350964,0.06622629530445588,0.07433022161886645,0.0,0.057334209449023836,0.21704148477880947,0.0,0.0,0.03387781948506111,0.0,0.051055003259287364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675855984927574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652538455477885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967325265727117,0.0,0.0,0.05097832848424498,0.0,0.0,0.16169121469520314,0.0,0.0,0.1992526258548467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31129110210905997,0.05208509678259615,0.1951239117455753,0.040854511249708535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605601807128537,0.0,0.07348292554862244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055883004598921794,0.0,0.1947880496530235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698879942158476,0.0,0.0,0.04669395390414152,0.05429238538128522,0.03317708828508127,0.053152627457347966,0.0,0.0,0.058780280793494975,0.042204893098167065,0.0,0.04031991029364136,0.05764535560977569,0.07757577177629077,0.0,0.05950612909647601,0.043936775938338765,0.09059931303341304,0.04409433908652057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342775390727268,0.0,0.06293673855680508
suicidewatch,nottherealryan,2018/04/02,"I just need to get this off my chest I was dating this AMAZING girl for about three months now. Things were going great and I was enjoy every second we spent together. 
Fast forward, and my 50 year old co worker comes up to me and says ""isn't this your gf?"" And shows me his POF app. She's on there basically selling herself to ""rich daddies"" (She's 18 and gorgeous). 
I confront her on text because I'm still at work. She comes clean that she's been fucking other guys on the side for cash. Sometimes in MY BED. 
She had my credit card from earlier for a small purchase. Once all this is out in the open she maxes out my card (about 10k) then jumps on a plane to a different province. 
I still see her on POF... I made an account to try to contract her. Not sure why. 
I really don't even care about the money. I thought I was going to marry that girl though. 
Oh. Also my childhood dog was run over this weekend. So that's fun. 

Tldr: 
The girl I was going to marry breaks my heart and my dog dies.  


Not really sure why I'm posting this. I'm just feeling really really down and I desperately need the support. I'm at the point where I really don't care if I wake up in the morning. I think I'd actually prefer that.",0.4428053304025283,2.6837759402390446,2.5002582772358863,92.55278884462153,86.41035856573706,5.215057013326007,19.41214452534689,6.647476241863616,0.17067072400054872,935,27,203,11,29,313,142,251,0.057,0.826,0.117,0.9526,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,0,2,14,14,2,0,11,0,12,4,3,1,3,28,34,12,1,4,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,12,13,0,0,4,2,8,8,5,2,0,2,11,3,37,12,32,23,1,43,0,0,1,1,19,23,1,1,12,129,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.1314885601186509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775296882581692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213735068741722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747564904595046,0.0,0.0,0.2321362597919123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984071547385493,0.14077650273075382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899568815837994,0.0,0.1135257779153715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812950264761933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245666229535344,0.0703970292677949,0.0,0.2297306102975389,0.0,0.0,0.14855331024470758,0.0,0.13341556613342653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966968182565627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274959491356709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075496192948443,0.0,0.0,0.1998186748722828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138885315083746,0.14349561956554266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273745534538234,0.0,0.12904539838222606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315952368918855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715208754627924,0.0,0.0,0.10737176956686867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326308559664654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520995115940586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152903397943681,0.2539851039026435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951646477112192,0.08633710484198334,0.13238313443587513,0.10696993844123726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914808375555943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431670336127207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809363520959594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676930155415366
suicidewatch,mark_prothero,2018/04/02,"I wand to die, but I don’t want to kill my self. I’m 18 years old, have about a month and a half left of high school, and my life has completely fallen to shit. My life has lost all meaning and nothing brings me joy anymore. I’ve spent over half of my life in Scouts and I have worked towards, and achieved, a goal that I cherish, but one which society doesn’t care about or admire anymore, that of Eagle Scout. The only thing that I have ever been truly good at, my instrument, I am getting progressively worse at, even though I practice every day. The last time that I experienced true happiness and elation was on New Year’s, three whole months ago. My friends don’t really acknowledge my presence anymore unless I initiate contact first, or I’m visually distressed and broken down crying. Wherever I am, I always have something on me, just in case I do decide to do it, but I don’t know what stops me every time I think about ending it all, why I don’t. I have nothing left, and do not know what to do, or where to go anymore.",7.259420289855073,5.664351101449277,7.361260869565218,79.1549347826087,64.55555555555556,10.405603864734301,34.22657004830918,9.120678840339163,2.746378164251208,806,28,166,11,10,261,120,207,0.181,0.664,0.155,-0.7959999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,6,8,12,2,1,5,0,20,4,1,0,4,29,33,16,2,1,9,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,6,0,1,3,6,4,0,5,4,1,26,8,22,29,3,31,0,1,0,0,3,13,1,3,15,111,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635169500797932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982984014796872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759367534804157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232376945681013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579280168475285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317882625201828,0.07737474737625412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451639203639035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062633350077142,0.0,0.0,0.07924317291088942,0.10852537499221077,0.20217030814304526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020517257673841,0.0,0.0,0.09269334296972252,0.0,0.06268263191305565,0.0,0.06818526025041609,0.10063037522854276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771693506670198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676148137540375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273593010663434,0.0,0.13187160423672392,0.09779664604074068,0.0,0.0,0.26070906474776906,0.0,0.2542282925997456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309682351250885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068929415930974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915277752134373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587379716065185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302408700526001,0.0,0.12589487838966926,0.0,0.0812990030931298,0.09124733445415388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685984948770704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142235690905885,0.0,0.0,0.1251613808705488,0.0,0.12315388301282013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236356862909063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030550617965443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970688067050602,0.07687592813983607,0.117876043544024,0.0,0.13991821705108856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076509296615298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825989263945293,0.13394918383496818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734412933060492,0.0,0.1222660351980273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452152590081333
suicidewatch,TrickyNobody,2018/04/02,"Found My Roommate - Called 911 Not sure if this is the right place for this, but wanted to reach out looking for help.

I got home the other day to find a note from my roommate. He was sitting in the backyard, so I went to talk to him. I didn't know why he was sitting out there, but the note concerned me. I tried to get him to go to a hospital with me, he called the note a joke and that he should have thrown it away. The note concerned me enough that I called 911.

Once the police arrived and shined a flashlight on him, they saw the cut on his wrist that I had missed. They involuntarily admitted him to the hospital.

They're holding him for 72 hours, and then I don't know what happens. I don't know if he'll hate me or what. He doesn't have any family, and the hospital won't tell me what's going on. When they took him, they left his phone, wallet and keys at home so even when he gets released I don't know how he'll get home. There's so much running through my mind right now that I don't know what to do.

Any help/advice would be appreciated.",3.3248648648648635,3.865452387387389,4.054972972972973,92.35083783783787,72.42342342342343,7.181261261261263,24.259459459459467,7.03164865440522,0.56428972972973,818,21,195,7,15,261,113,222,0.057,0.879,0.064,0.1454,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,4,0,10,5,2,0,14,0,17,1,1,1,1,29,40,17,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,12,8,0,1,8,1,0,5,8,3,0,0,9,3,30,2,23,25,2,25,0,1,3,0,28,12,0,3,6,120,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771352792221588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777540055144573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279214561816057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003622670178398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842873879849015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504275199313126,0.0,0.08632273819021971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320750497567627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945275612925793,0.0,0.0,0.14330019432013782,0.0,0.0,0.20484804778536525,0.0,0.1485538287480619,0.0,0.10452863784404047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557305418898445,0.0,0.0,0.12903413998654376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520405147027804,0.0,0.393292874224658,0.0,0.1287081341426856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591324510709581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420003737441595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975078611194558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196457579586507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960757775981936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918578591308234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654833666699778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232254334583528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317838134688995,0.0,0.0,0.1050475970288795,0.11423308912168866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452068248795878,0.08873324711732122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708722870035843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115546673317247,0.11793180441330585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284189568925176,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadtoseeitend,2018/04/02,"The end is fast approaching I'm in my early forties and a dad to a wonderful little girl. I've been depressed for a long time now, but have somehow managed to pull it together for her. Her mother and I share custody and do not get along at all. she is always threatening me with court to take my daughter away. She has done everything in her power to attempt to alienate me from my daughter. Most of the time it seems to work. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I'm lost. so so lost. I'm going to be evicted in three days and subsequently homeless. I'll lose my daughter because of this. I'm broke. unable to pay rent or bills, my family has disowned me. I've lost my friends. I'm totally isolated and alone. I'm so scared and don't want to die, but am unable to find a way to live.",1.654,3.4608870060606094,3.5036363636363674,89.53545454545458,78.93939393939394,6.581818181818183,25.54545454545455,7.554174236665415,1.2703818181818185,616,24,133,9,15,207,97,165,0.194,0.703,0.103,-0.933,3,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,7,5,10,0,1,6,0,11,2,1,0,3,23,27,13,1,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,7,0,1,5,0,18,3,24,21,4,18,0,6,0,1,15,6,0,5,8,83,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775854204849066,0.0,0.0,0.14267212700490373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610964598942323,0.0,0.0,0.10452311444142193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105803612254095,0.0,0.14768204731689988,0.0,0.17795298953175515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546762525493556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186657622323874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410115794924625,0.0,0.16164138825054428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671536677005887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247297983331932,0.0,0.08958307864708201,0.0,0.09744717707541796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318615449140776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718523867354142,0.15140621769309118,0.15174060947421475,0.0,0.1918248187931724,0.561520983535951,0.0,0.1547533267826094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166578921400094,0.0,0.0,0.15609476147150314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891989926033665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999645557262648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113415303696877,0.13610046970468995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594584127472688,0.12482813449884468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,datboidid711,2018/04/02,"I thought maybe tonight... I would do it. I've fucked everything up so far. I can't think. It just hurts too much. It hurts to think about staying. I'm apprehensive still, mostly because if I fail, my life is ruined forever. The shame and stigma will stay with me as well as the physical reminders.",1.035,3.6375958620689666,2.089224137931037,92.99693965517244,90.3793103448276,5.658620689655173,22.767241379310345,7.1686216300943375,0.9780620689655172,232,9,48,4,8,73,47,58,0.306,0.6629999999999999,0.032,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,2,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,10,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,0,6,1,6,7,2,6,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,2,2,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459944100608742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152433723844532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140999775589984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5127703910095953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691629585096095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406057104823703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605696166092702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105412903116642,0.19126164647260896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069184623628272,0.0,0.19013290453460974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533547660786226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013093704273807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WiseTension,2018/04/02,"Does anyone have any scientific articles supporting personality over physical attractiveness? I found some scientific articles supporting the existence physical attractiveness. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201709/reasons-not-date-attractive-masculine-man

http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-11095-001

Then I read some  comments on reddit that personality is better.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6qifhe/what_matters_more_personality_or_looks/

What’s true? Can someone please share scientific article that personality makes people attractive over physical attractiveness? I believe it will give hope to people not kill themselves and that it is not hopeless if you are born ugly. 
",24.81651651651652,33.20157224324325,15.840990990990989,-3.8646096096096016,36.02702702702703,15.180780780780784,44.70870870870871,12.06081838636515,9.172998798798798,662,27,41,22,9,177,54,74,0.034,0.5820000000000001,0.384,0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,1,0,1,0,12,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,12,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,10,4,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,2,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858055789092702,0.0,0.12107112351697745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448746433802743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058649717634167,0.0,0.15745907427727054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558011962102093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520815270887595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078911351403478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683070576536095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697133170214956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884094095698974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685658892349396,0.4663645780139185,0.0,0.19543093387253588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808497101261386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084999588016834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040680828436965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141563393571692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cle_bron,2018/04/02,"The fact that my life isn't that bad makes me more depressed So I just tried to get on the suicide prevention online chat thing and while I was waiting for it to like load or whatever I just thought to myself ""what even do I say is my problem?"" 

Like I go to one of the best colleges in the US, I'm in a fraternity, all my family is alive, I have a decent amount of money, and yet....I think about killing myself every day.  I've already tried before and ended up in the hospital.   

And then I come on here and it's like ""my entire family was murdered when I was 12 and I've been on the streets since then struggling with drug addiction"" and then I'm just like...fuck...what the hell do I have to feel depressed about? 

I just feel so alone.  I feel like my entire fraternity just pretends to be my friend, as well as all my friends who aren't in my fraternity.  I have a ""best friend"" who I try and talk to about my problems and I'm like yeah I have depression she's like oh damn that sucks anyway and changes the subject.  I literally feel paranoid just walking around outside, even tho I'm a 6'1 190 pound white dude.  I feel like I'm losing my goddamn mind.  I want to get a dog so I can have someone who I know actually cares about me, but I don't think I can because if I kill myself I dont know who'd take care of it.  So I'm in a weird situation there.

Idk I'm all over the place.  People would kill to be in my situation and here I am wasting my potential by wallowing in self pity all the fucking time, which in turn makes me more depressed.  I'd kill myself right now but my mom and dad would be torn up and I can't do that to them.  I go see a therapist and everything but it doesn't help.  I just don't even really know what to do anymore.  I'm not a guy you'd think would be mentally ill as fuck at first glance, so it's kind of hard to bring up to people, especially when you don't trust them because you think they're pretending to be your friends.  Idk. How do i cope w wanting to kill myself every time I wake up?",1.0817923433874697,2.830832466357311,2.985799883990719,92.84733091647335,80.48491879350348,6.3517633410672865,22.14390951276102,7.365786028017652,0.6043990255220426,1567,49,367,22,40,525,193,431,0.214,0.69,0.097,-0.9958,0,1,1,0,0,5,45.0,1,4,2,4,30,40,11,1,18,1,37,7,1,3,5,61,77,35,7,8,13,2,6,7,4,3,4,1,0,2,17,17,0,2,13,3,1,5,9,22,1,2,5,10,58,18,47,62,9,38,1,6,3,2,24,21,5,2,19,234,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.07303156278565688,0.08158499188163247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751009717719498,0.08258612578964364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421966437740532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662211559979744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062487006408451486,0.09124168792117998,0.0,0.0636820360102067,0.0,0.15707673924221915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260564010780292,0.0,0.07916919065637854,0.06446672553309021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048264629613551484,0.0,0.2578330993074493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771014345737115,0.0,0.08678887939660092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628468175421859,0.0,0.0,0.14829033449434392,0.0,0.1261092975713705,0.0,0.06726000194807394,0.0,0.14110212062393088,0.0,0.18920292555015308,0.1069292528925283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365757450082643,0.0,0.0,0.2312801019857567,0.2075609118470656,0.07820003593096518,0.0,0.08506486787186375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410186320289038,0.0,0.0,0.06704058003590509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016265691209544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139884600756103,0.07793276247718484,0.12338781742472535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052860633026023424,0.29249841627722256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837251183405583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991053564102764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541958758950776,0.0,0.0755655326991245,0.08764992553887123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071249219283524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376716065715663,0.0,0.0781902850609125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322064010396615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479434478750357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391165466013621,0.0,0.05951456462972018,0.0,0.0,0.059636580729562474,0.0,0.07807285832239877,0.0,0.0,0.06190716561438728,0.16824317860399834,0.0,0.0,0.06341040288165098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078237430492724,0.0,0.08186115245740172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626922464950987,0.06015233694631385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689324569953047,0.04971936198390936,0.19181390950845986,0.0,0.059413395115131065,0.08727784130034888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243125011629516,0.08140277793186712,0.0,0.0,0.09002147914597948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828335128440351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728878299799566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594893310324577,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lemonsandrosemary,2018/04/02,"Have you come to peace with it? I won't discuss the details but I think I have. In the process of setting a date. And deciding how to do it. But I feel so much better. I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. In the meantime I just want to drown in my music and fantasies.

Anyways, I feel better. I try not to post here because it feels like I'm guilty and seems like I'm asking for help or whatever. But I really do feel better. It's the end of my story, which wasn't a good one to began with. And it doesn't matter whether I get my revenge or not, because I'll be dead and literally without a care in the world. This is the answer. And I haven't felt so good in such a long time.",0.5090196078431362,2.319910359477128,2.578849673202616,94.74082352941177,82.66013071895425,5.125751633986928,21.31111111111111,6.079149491110277,0.06311973856209141,547,17,127,4,15,184,87,153,0.174,0.654,0.172,-0.3112,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,3,7,9,0,0,11,0,12,2,1,1,0,32,28,15,2,1,10,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,10,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,7,16,9,18,22,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,8,87,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821070868743856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632664295591427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490204900985592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725450840342926,0.0,0.0,0.14577988817012238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989086871741636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278483372635968,0.24180124552450336,0.16249093663774358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841764800869356,0.0,0.0,0.2838904756992778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343381340514873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480371815589451,0.0,0.0,0.14976654073221862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440627642308667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467716685726552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620791492194554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084154718875136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540640474096712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843815179997117,0.0,0.0,0.09868155889167787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489860550452707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981844875088272,0.0,0.0,0.20608111216414146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313529311037714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kobathesealion,2018/04/02,"Someone please help. I want to die but my religion won't let me kill myself. There is no escape for me. I've gotten so much professional help. So much. More than most people could ever afford. TMS. Ketamine. Counseling. Antidepressants. Therapy animals. It hasn't been enough. I'm in so much pain and there's nothing I can do about it. I just wish I spend the rest of my life asleep or high, but I can't. 

I feel like the world is holding out on me. So many people suffering, such a huge industry, but where is the help for me? Where is the treatment THAT WORKS?!",0.016468253968252355,2.333517392857143,1.7973809523809552,93.25873015873016,98.28571428571428,5.346031746031747,17.829365079365076,6.937597516519254,0.3668734126984132,436,13,92,8,18,142,79,112,0.135,0.662,0.203,0.7738,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,12,4,1,0,5,0,12,3,1,0,1,14,17,9,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,13,1,9,12,7,9,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,2,2,66,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134353157268654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672723801048725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586006520881533,0.0,0.0,0.17146254342183676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584425278058722,0.13541749307087456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381162370131083,0.2002743229968706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971353640731655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383191874493103,0.13388767269735133,0.09260656272253416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217811444411745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180322406268858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188227952084413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169893612712608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628259036542229,0.0,0.0,0.20807348923125887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060858110507462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167716430082132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118039244400693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179778701293368,0.0,0.0,0.1379976486519053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvenRainbowsScream,2018/04/02,"The choice of what I should and shouldn’t do I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression throughout my childhood, ptsd being the catalyst to my fall. Some time in middle school I was introduced to self harm and since then, in one way or another, I’ve harmed myself. Starving, cutting, bruising, scratching, punching, etc. It was an outlet, it was the only way I knew how to cope...

Therapy helped with some aspects of my illness from when I was five years old to now sixteen, but that didn’t mean the pain has stopped. I’ve learned ways to conceal the pain, how to make it go away in a healthy manner but the problem never went away.

I’m going through a new hurdle in my life, something I’ve never experienced and now I don’t know how to handle the situation. A silly teenage relationship that bloomed into the biggest problem I’ve faced in my life. The panic attacks don’t stop, the crying continues, the bad thoughts hoard my mind-

“Let’s go to that bridge up the street. The police still haven’t found that girl those two men threw over, maybe they won’t find you either”

Stop

“Remember in the 6th grade when you wrote a suicide note to your family and parents? Remember that park on the beach side of the lake? Hang yourself on the play equipment like you said you would”

No-

No? 

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to handle my emotions. The crying isn’t stopping and the occasional thought of killing myself is a constant flicker in the back of my mind and I can’t focus on anything... 

Whatever happens, I’m sorry.",4.773929370405881,5.969018077181207,5.030862895493769,84.26857941834453,69.57046979865771,7.689613294982423,30.96899968040908,7.957251820313856,2.080097283477149,1209,50,234,15,21,381,169,298,0.249,0.718,0.033,-0.9969,1,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,5,1,0,10,16,3,1,26,0,22,6,1,5,2,47,41,18,2,5,4,1,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,3,11,10,0,4,12,2,0,7,14,13,0,3,13,3,24,3,35,22,4,49,0,2,0,0,14,19,0,3,21,151,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075649320999923,0.07847404516955964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441527295075409,0.0,0.0,0.11670048978385952,0.1927561109614159,0.07887831728250094,0.08565069841803483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108534220028275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253604240020486,0.0,0.0,0.08835270842796655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153896135075794,0.0,0.0,0.11440472834063665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670406596779207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375700945359502,0.0,0.0,0.11247457244968828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748971289272122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071187878203693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875776014842233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349047675833912,0.0,0.16912720493640607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489583670278706,0.14491173118147596,0.05011580622968676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847349272133296,0.0,0.10305621971067808,0.11174058364932167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071547678153927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823330185095605,0.099073193467638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107641312780936,0.0,0.06951141724478582,0.078017334732278,0.2183064461633741,0.12035648792037718,0.11390385902253973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963119784071394,0.11991148704530764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013340897900084,0.23240814023733744,0.0,0.09757784890731083,0.0,0.0,0.10381726457681666,0.0,0.0,0.1070141654585858,0.0,0.0,0.08485591288041064,0.1153051376578158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897172551844835,0.0,0.11483082759269612,0.0,0.0,0.08192117394716399,0.3430486292195436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122067656026065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731010565244702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287542257135126,0.059815700042738985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020655383440667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442716362996624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509344621203372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287047008281478,0.0,0.0,0.06605868369559434
suicidewatch,Idkwhatsoriginal,2018/04/02,It doesn't matter Life and death just happen. We aren't brought here by fate or divine intervention nor did I decided to be born in any way. But I can end it by my hand. And that is the way it should be. Fuck life. It doesn't have enough randomness. Too rigid. Death could be anything. Life is done with. Too simple. Goodbye,-0.4463636363636354,1.7183228484848527,0.8742424242424249,99.48136363636364,100.8181818181818,4.218181818181819,15.090909090909092,6.11248444174946,-0.6372545454545451,252,6,57,3,11,79,49,66,0.18600000000000005,0.723,0.091,-0.7248,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,1,0,14,5,1,0,0,13,17,5,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,1,4,1,5,9,1,6,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,2,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630446400282333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254484834519127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187374322762975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035961215066874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426502002676393,0.2830773625014065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532746907959565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422648744429757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5805252216914705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349186904933899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PernellWhitaker,2018/04/02,I'm probably gonna kill myself tonight I'm 19 and my moms dead my dad doesn't give a fuck I'm going to school and just got sent to collections because I can't pay my car just got repo'ed and my life is falling apart I have nothing going for me. I'm gonna jump of my building tonight just wanna tell someone ,-0.6131045751633977,1.554458147058824,1.586078431372549,97.1484640522876,92.52941176470587,4.1986928104575165,22.26143790849673,5.82211442006289,0.1718183006535945,246,10,56,2,9,82,45,68,0.159,0.779,0.062,-0.8153,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,17,3,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,2,0,0,3,0,9,0,5,12,0,9,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,2,25,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480846401942384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499427315982774,0.0,0.2593531880358468,0.3073027370578218,0.0,0.4324619133832796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911240697681096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096270432084053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166414372333199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594169520285233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914929536245018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736179526273628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290744798760315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363058646519267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,autopista77,2018/04/02,"unrequited love bringing me to suicidal thoughts this is probably going to sound really stupid

so there’s this guy. let’s call him E. 
E is my best friend and i’m his best friend. we hang out decently often, and our friendship is honestly the best thing i have. 
but...i am also in love with him....it hurts like hell because he’s literally the cutest, nicest, most amazing guy i’ve ever met in my life, and i honestly want to spend the rest of my life with him, and i care about him deeply, but i know for a fact he’ll never feel the same way. 
i forgot to mention i’m a male and E is also a male 
he’s very accepting when it comes to homosexuality but he’s straight. that’s the problem. i’m in love with my straight best friend. 

the fact that i can never be with him literally hurts like no other feeling i’ve ever felt in my life. i just can’t take it. he’s so AMAZING and it just hurts man. 

i often find myself thinking about suicide. if i can never be with such a beautiful person as him, then i don’t really see the point in living, because that’s honestly the only thing i want in my life...so i’m already a failure in life. what’s the point of living with all this pain? what’s the point of living if i can never truly be happy with the one person i love?",0.5140100736148767,2.633137621722849,2.8943226139739124,90.71022471910116,84.76779026217228,5.780136897843215,19.69378793749193,7.0983637204850245,0.3692620173059539,983,28,218,14,29,337,122,267,0.149,0.5710000000000001,0.28,0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,2,0,0,4,15,28,2,0,16,0,15,9,0,0,9,47,40,17,2,5,6,0,3,2,3,1,5,1,0,7,14,16,0,1,8,0,1,4,7,7,0,1,4,5,29,21,27,31,8,26,1,3,1,4,30,13,1,5,10,139,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844877796044613,0.14268722808347492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876684901975382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744942113835621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109646060160356,0.0,0.09095861220534963,0.0,0.0,0.07684911099970859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139655509621942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021755956635348,0.0,0.08565848268142548,0.0,0.0815390773975987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067772569789232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070181104440411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666981728864525,0.0,0.09496891095143743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865131257978599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049029138669981216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122634987443563,0.31506894613769365,0.08716994338493801,0.0,0.2363301740741605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220729083594597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752263008748938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604530462711131,0.06785051626714035,0.09492893552092456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579472320447693,0.0,0.0,0.2530053996480965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618671670121763,0.08536480469408621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430428075848788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109122069146827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951691121192076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707708287026504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185383230291389,0.05716409628846979,0.0,0.07082516691077526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361007863789208,0.10524029266538393,0.07081313697451957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,porphyrophilia,2018/04/02,"I’m trying really hard not to just end it. I’ve called my few friends, they’re phones are off. I called my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend now, I guess, but his phone is dead and I ruined our relationship with my self destructive behavior, anyway. My anxiety prevents me from talking on the phone, so I can’t call the suicide hotline. This is my last resort. 
I hate myself; I’ve always hated myself, and I just really want it all to stop. I have regular suicidal thoughts almost constantly, but now I’m really just thinking of taking a fistful of pills and lying in bed. I had a wonderful longterm significant other who cared about me and tried to help me, and I destroyed it. He supported me emotionally and financially until I started drinking recklessly and hurt him. It hurts to think about the people I would leave behind, but living hurts so much more. 
I guess I really don’t want to do it, because I’m posting here, but I feel like I have no choice. I’m in heaps of debt, I can’t work a full time job because of my mental problems, all of my family members live in a different state, and I had to stop seeing my psychiatrist due to the cost. Furthermore, I have no discernible skills, no ambition, and no hobbies/activities that I enjoy. 
Please just tell me it’s going to be okay, or that I’m worth a damn, or something. I don’t believe in an afterlife, so I’m scared. I just want it all to go away. I don’t want anyone to have to tolerate my existence anymore.

Please help.",3.9173225404732257,5.328329561643837,5.346637608966375,80.37003113325031,71.87671232876713,8.870734744707347,28.683686176836858,9.339509955726095,2.5350561643835614,1160,45,226,26,22,390,159,292,0.275,0.5820000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.9953,3,0,2,0,0,1,42.0,1,0,0,2,14,17,5,1,10,1,17,2,0,0,3,44,43,20,3,6,13,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,12,10,1,3,6,1,3,2,10,11,0,0,3,3,41,6,29,38,7,23,0,4,1,0,18,8,1,7,12,149,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012929383166228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416974276753722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738392276159332,0.0,0.10031938860837313,0.07073049890015523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095039219465708,0.0,0.0,0.12332729371160152,0.0,0.0,0.11396796531571185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30987419569342034,0.0,0.10313509662315863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931350139514223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568629834458126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990941897673265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378667838349615,0.08959402879903268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536070117724048,0.0,0.051147420224350114,0.07226573553325169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815273291493295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497836332921105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228690726071313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061574257401432,0.19974085291879315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560522307953127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248681812147037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038153929682636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245549155018378,0.0,0.10710940394703038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941962237365852,0.0,0.1786448784939642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194127094946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436116427908425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012870646934542,0.0,0.0,0.2220774200331301,0.0,0.0,0.09687931017510552,0.0,0.0,0.09679245501751227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592120252198385,0.0,0.0,0.10860349043415822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127461911065576,0.0,0.08060808907814065,0.0,0.10552757789343413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787468958258685,0.0,0.0,0.07159860757846699,0.0,0.0,0.1691415841354709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129609003738407,0.11479042183540378,0.0,0.0,0.07605658502579406,0.0813052136039586,0.08841464226093211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129633125465389,0.0,0.08030641910194551,0.05898477008591201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373563187487907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23865728575958856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969916799690756,0.07364263918598599,0.0,0.0,0.07185818975312523,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chicksan,2018/04/02,"Notes I debated about forming a throw-away account for this, but Ive talked about suicide a bit in the past so I guess it isn't really that big of a deal. 

Ive had a rough go these last 10-14 months. I lost my company, the woman of my dreams, my life savings, most of my belongings and  my support group and friends when I moved 900 miles away, back home to my parents house. Suicide has been on my mind the entire time and Im getting to the point of no return.

My question is to the parents and the exes on here. Would you want a suicide letter left to you explaining that there was nothing you could have done, that it wasn't your fault, thats this is all on me. If you were the ex, would you want to hear that I still love you as much today as I did the first night I said it to you. Would you want to know you aren't to blame and this is all on me, that Ive though of you nonstop since the moment I left. 

I want these people to know they couldn't have done anything. I just don't know if that letter would help them at all or just hurt them more.

I haven't decided to do it, but deep down, I feel my days are numbered. 

Thank you for your input",2.7099644212523692,3.2009866330645167,3.659895635673625,94.8061669829222,73.79838709677419,6.8030360531309295,23.05597722960152,6.522977012572876,0.26931423149905065,887,21,217,6,17,285,129,248,0.11,0.757,0.133,-0.0023,2,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,13,3,2,11,8,0,0,14,0,29,2,0,0,3,36,47,15,3,12,7,3,2,0,1,4,1,2,1,1,16,5,0,0,7,1,1,2,7,3,0,1,10,4,42,5,29,31,8,29,0,2,0,1,32,14,0,6,13,155,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300212748778873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123635662013673,0.0869019439670469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338365594853133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023368111168008,0.0,0.0,0.0728856483782488,0.11651401867312193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130819061131536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057144032862991315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961309271163804,0.0,0.0,0.08731549545283558,0.0,0.059045934545309674,0.0,0.0642293134609496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124499315442924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737668294561816,0.0,0.07575190781920288,0.0,0.1133637618696648,0.0,0.0,0.1304047139951159,0.12098543088484205,0.0,0.12207613425608768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633109063480788,0.09212271700527737,0.0,0.0,0.2455833442638107,0.0,0.07982619037243427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336976930766096,0.0,0.10200090175369864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411343855577928,0.0,0.09020789438570108,0.1201175916491902,0.08307939670574614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605739147727668,0.0,0.10844142091574674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509806779715145,0.0,0.10788608333805448,0.07835071817005343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683617794953136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660322553707107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240062364178211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750362140457713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348759000519402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090254324804803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708618436495673,0.12824865083999054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090837578469016,0.0,0.1040494888844217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103715557468244,0.0,0.06590024727387257,0.0,0.10712548005776036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666378816491233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211318763461509,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cheez12,2018/04/02,"Why can’t it all just end Ever since I started high school my parents have been telling me I won’t amount to anything if I don’t get a 4.00 and I’m getting kicked out the day my senior school year ends. I just want to die. I have a 3.1 right now and this semester will prob bring me to a 3.0. I wish I could just wish I could end it and die. The stress has gotten to me. I have tried everything to bring my grades up but I just can’t at this point

Goodbye reddit",0.1821359223300973,1.8775800776699043,1.7163203883495155,101.1028300970874,83.1747572815534,4.8966990291262125,18.066990291262137,5.6839178017228535,-0.6905099029126216,360,8,92,2,10,116,63,103,0.075,0.871,0.054000000000000006,-0.4497,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,0,12,0,0,0,2,17,22,5,2,6,6,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,16,0,8,16,2,17,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,9,57,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642042482147673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647190433805363,0.0,0.0,0.10691251247402933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441009054821729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404879052192212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995487418113698,0.0,0.0,0.14898976444766213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322338084598962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751526036378821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840758466270132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671293954099724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157273412845478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355505429837376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713252684159485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733788174505555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989710327863052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448964887588777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255176623804143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977796263124413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958804409363005,0.0,0.3812709579269434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675501455948364
suicidewatch,sonicdv,2018/04/02,"Proof that suicide is a perfectly reasonable option https://archive.ashspace.org/ashbusstop.org/std.html
This should cover all bases you can think of.

Some people just don't enjoy life, and it is a bad thing to forcefully keep them here through fear by banning painless ways to catch the bus.",11.322536231884058,13.586188500000002,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,55.30434782608695,9.611594202898553,32.72463768115942,9.725611199111238,3.1389507246376818,245,8,35,4,3,62,43,46,0.242,0.647,0.112,-0.8140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,3,12,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055243525586083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117569300036063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252427161047358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584571034743896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536798960202303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762223164742151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002524211316108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24309815356599396,0.2344640265339283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29044687670315483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,candyrain3,2018/04/02,"I wanna end it right now I don't want to believe it, I wanna live in denial... but... Tony Ferguson got injured and fight against Khabib didn't happen again... 4th time... I can't take this anymore",0.4646153846153816,2.8700011025641032,1.9750769230769265,94.79492307692308,89.25641025641025,4.1456410256410265,20.620512820512825,5.6839178017228535,-0.011096410256410394,149,5,31,1,5,48,32,39,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.6728,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,5,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690519770252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192619542519057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32959584300313377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29762555840725424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290724484628829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32859672745314844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177961353656512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797946983023356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699141428744526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194913275560298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaychep,2018/04/02,"Back to where I was nearly a year ago About a year ago this May I posted on another account about how I wanted to die because I messed up my relationship among other things. I then sorted things out with her and everything was great which I updated on.

Now we are taking kind of a break because yet again I cannot be a good person. I always just do shit my own way without thinking of her feelings and opinions.

We have been talking all day and she says she loves me still but she is not sure if she can believe that I can be that person again. I had already promised her this but I just took her for granted.

We had an abortion a few months ago which I was always for but I did say it was her choice. We had it but she told me how much she regretted it after and I do too as I know we would be a happy family by now and would be getting married in one month.

Now all of that is gone or in doubt and I have nothing to show for my life.

I just want to end it but I am also scared to end it. I live near a large bridge that connects Wales and England so it is always an option for me but I don't know what is left for me in life if we end.

I am a bit of a loner and so is she but I don't blame her for wanting to end it. I have fucked it up so many times",0.9798811385674072,2.1827522086330937,2.9188770722552384,95.66386143259308,79.07194244604317,5.698091961213637,20.720050046918985,6.046907544983943,-0.11621914294651248,966,24,238,6,23,325,137,278,0.109,0.8190000000000001,0.071,-0.8871,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,6,0,0,0,21,13,2,2,11,0,34,5,1,2,3,51,48,26,1,8,15,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,20,16,0,0,4,1,1,2,5,6,0,1,12,3,49,7,34,29,6,42,0,1,0,2,27,13,2,8,24,193,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29918035100292584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414943755130918,0.0899683037174721,0.2808335740562893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179688052390079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650756958996576,0.0,0.13716110458431344,0.0,0.0,0.12675192602932506,0.0,0.0,0.12282372195585622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255488210461716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675995658326585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985757113253864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111009968941384,0.0,0.10605745665668907,0.0,0.0568847044597879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400685836377882,0.05877797501998179,0.0,0.0,0.0943618591133651,0.0,0.12403453454666692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197611298356425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715416525296747,0.12365699433971375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122234424652768,0.0,0.15892785370517826,0.0,0.0,0.0993418736644894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015380059857273,0.0,0.0,0.11405999761737552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959703419510292,0.0,0.08270236963559764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794929708201917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623468618206046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964658948541616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774641034496137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207857098080452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893319620563547,0.11263474779603005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548232163227985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984473680827591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603238693388037,0.0,0.08458796831659751,0.09042534357772447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948348204236367,0.07208713555788099,0.0,0.0,0.06560118182399056,0.0,0.0,0.1075010735876787,0.1249945491466827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907087847335087,0.08929934234595127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844850998950292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983726526937758,0.0,0.0,0.14489599610375908
suicidewatch,kinakona,2018/04/03,I don’t know what’s holding me back at this point I’m so so tired of living. I’m only 19 but life feels so unbearable. I’ve been in and out of hospitals for previous attempts since I was about 14. Now I’m pregnant and the baby’s father left me. My mom is kicking me out this weekend. I have no money. No job either. I wish I had friends but I push everyone away because I’m “too sad”. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like a shitty person too because I have nothing to really be sad over there are so many more people in this world that have it worse off but here I am still feeling sorry for myself and hating my life. People have told me it gets better and I’ve waiting a few years seeing if that’s true and it’s just gotten worse honestly. I don’t want to even try to make things better at this point I literally just want to die. I don’t know what’s holding me back. I just wish I had a gun so I could just put a bullet through my head. That’s my ideal way of suicide. If I try hanging I just pussy out. Idk why I’m even posting this at this point just hoping someone will listen.,-0.3189915966386536,1.7672178991596643,2.1031512605042018,95.12346638655464,88.49579831932773,4.576470588235295,18.58403361344537,5.985473137389443,-0.2422453781512601,852,24,194,7,28,290,126,238,0.194,0.645,0.161,-0.9,1,0,0,1,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,4,23,11,1,0,5,0,19,4,1,1,1,38,43,15,2,9,12,2,3,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,16,8,0,3,6,1,1,3,6,3,0,0,6,5,28,8,23,34,3,27,0,2,1,0,6,16,0,3,7,127,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065562161955296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430508361287027,0.18710053045267253,0.0,0.14832757148789585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519960741361907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713689262863076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262655390499724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071268657863827,0.0,0.0,0.11625287814593445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454729041950246,0.08691507557524078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399545493572813,0.0,0.06356316769329365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011564816158178,0.12485990704355893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083742595987053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073037117747425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005861106560368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321856908043507,0.0,0.1718663804386471,0.059437715285274924,0.0,0.10742942696741932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812100666665135,0.12334577285429188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248860244131628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673759210767187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252913358073923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868967783417704,0.10623022157859924,0.0,0.0,0.3450286262895329,0.0,0.1165181880930564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230351710620775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793954007299557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694854833351324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063973762972757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030834838854516,0.0,0.0,0.13619020724012856,0.0,0.0,0.09715911564089884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307805039398227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082656499484793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398321188547526,0.0,0.11625287814593445,0.0,0.16520048867827286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435183346250729,0.09656931989417657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978067608654857,0.0,0.2798096852391977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479671405395365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834608537721036
suicidewatch,IssueThrowaway15,2018/04/03,"What will happen if I ask for help? For the past month or so I've been getting recurring suicidal thoughts and self harm urges, as well as been very depressed with heavy mood swings. I know I need to get help, but I'm terrified of what will happen. 

For some background, I'm a minor (15) and I live in Canada, and I attempted suicide last year and was in inpatient for a week.

What will happen if I just walk into an ER and tell them I want to kill myself? I'm worried they won't let me go because I've been admitted before, or that it will be put on a record that comes back to haunt me in the future.",6.509868766404202,4.4688541732283475,6.973661417322834,82.76500656167981,66.32283464566929,10.356430446194226,31.40288713910761,8.841846274778883,2.1765863517060366,468,13,106,6,6,154,84,127,0.233,0.7070000000000001,0.06,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,2,1,4,5,1,0,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,20,27,13,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,3,2,0,5,0,12,1,16,15,1,17,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,5,8,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369885047908353,0.0,0.0,0.134644371278594,0.0,0.10674193471258096,0.0,0.1490008325150196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083681954528222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081704690071585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829695026482938,0.0,0.0995157891046102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645323698665039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347373956407291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937269254173668,0.0,0.09623272469674526,0.1427333468668424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905597468573456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462027409384282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397665537670167,0.0,0.0,0.12983759379299706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167156834446312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602815049304835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267193726343986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830712907745869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530488456824836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390132271097529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447935706451911,0.1032810323187824,0.0,0.14045807929288598,0.0,0.15743976345255214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782688091678786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127614056703264
suicidewatch,satiricalmanner,2018/04/03,"my mind is made up i sit here at 12:47am, typing my bullshit feelings out to complete strangers who do not know me...then again, does anyone?

i’m seventeen years old, a girl from england who has already made plans to kill herself within the next couple of days. i don’t have a particular trigger or event that caused me to feel this way, it’s just how fucked up i am. my anxiety and depression have lead me down a dark route that i’ve given up fighting my way out of.

i’ve felt hopeless for as long as i can remember, even as a child with a great family. i am the problem not them.

i attempted suicide at fourteen, clearly unsuccessful, where i was frowned upon by the organisations meant to help me. “she didn’t know what she was doing” they said. no, because every fourteen year old swallows a ton of pills as if they won’t know the consequences.

i feel that there is no helping me.

i’m a closed book and my story is finished.

i came here because i cannot be open with anybody in person, but please don’t try to convince me not to take my own life because there is honestly no changing my mind.",3.8260690045248857,4.964604285067875,4.747101244343892,85.62979213800904,71.76018099547511,7.5159502262443425,30.102092760180998,7.8658589789855275,1.8913730769230768,861,36,177,11,16,280,136,221,0.115,0.795,0.09,-0.341,0,0,1,0,2,2,25.0,0,0,3,3,9,9,3,0,11,0,20,4,0,6,1,35,37,10,2,2,7,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,8,9,1,0,9,1,0,2,11,6,0,0,10,5,28,3,29,25,2,29,0,2,0,1,15,14,1,2,10,118,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247094657871876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569753372515643,0.0,0.0,0.09660972235704178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526763374313697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580264744768467,0.0,0.14193577955125358,0.1461625826836256,0.0,0.14486568581164996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528793844665887,0.0,0.0891064170051221,0.0,0.1190032112986627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091105227986698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912581358859947,0.0,0.11641182940376762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302517444067655,0.0,0.20958447108348735,0.0,0.1326621844120913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277333547230143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523298314014929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852211302845692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286154127430898,0.0,0.22779924762361445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759158305545274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122273628649658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26147430042747194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27901898022695354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694239010207633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899664790645056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064227414026317,0.0,0.1516661003724502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220735539697706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651650929717648,0.0,0.13142865202658674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511324969401826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388454311822448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380646273284576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193413925168552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795030019589103
suicidewatch,kingmatt119,2018/04/03,"I want to tell someone how close I feel like I am to committing I want to tell someone about the noose, but I don't think I'm doing it soon, and I don't want to be committed",4.466250000000001,2.5643291250000004,6.0749999999999975,87.13000000000002,70.25,10.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,1.8722499999999995,135,4,35,2,2,47,25,40,0.0,0.7290000000000001,0.271,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,11,11,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562359118884523,0.22074433157729745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095814672302182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236167510952563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5401461969083521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979899423978479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467554156092245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelygirl1721,2018/04/03,"idk what to do anymore.. i really can't do it anymore. my life is going so downhill. like i literally wanna die all the time now. i have no friends, my family stresses me out so much. i just want to be happy. i want good grades, i want to be skinny, i want to have actual friends i can count on. i miss having people there for me. god it's getting so bad.. i never thought i would be back at this point.",-0.4259302325581373,1.6117745465116293,2.445395348837213,92.84786046511627,88.41860465116278,5.300465116279072,19.06511627906977,6.742157984588678,0.15861767441860494,305,9,70,4,10,107,59,86,0.129,0.617,0.255,0.87,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,12,2,1,0,2,11,20,3,1,6,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,15,5,9,15,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.19528127427016892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969163491150293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538744288660756,0.16708587042816445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076855438065825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864858471217005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092133819022108,0.0,0.10455070439469663,0.0,0.11372874384733528,0.16784516368489386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130238491401676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413456234853702,0.0977650300669733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710596949916804,0.0,0.15433936592934136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873305313210846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917132475715784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281974154301015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292285927376636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886724950487405,0.11668741167913932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721269729981778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215442660923933,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Devils_Butt_Nuggets,2018/04/03,"What I stuggle with most, is what’s the point of living? I feel so pointless and such a drain on the world. If I died, if wouldn’t matter. It would be a good thing. Live space for others who want to live. Right? Edit: ‘Leave’ space for others instead of ‘live’",-0.13730458221024475,2.1467372641509432,0.9439892183288447,101.7801886792453,91.45283018867924,3.0285714285714285,13.231805929919135,3.1291,-1.6513212938005388,197,3,45,0,7,61,40,53,0.07,0.8190000000000001,0.11,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,6,4,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,7,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,0,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409690589924149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739858514730968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947438921759696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24584802956233184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8200865610430086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948776635861386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828281750153368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425191588252302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694741377168296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493597861359194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gots_to_go,2018/04/03,"I wanna give up. I wanna die. 

I wanna die. Or just completely give up. 

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of things going wrong. I'm sick of being the bad guy. Sick of never catching a break. 

Sick of seeing other pepoe get away with fucked up shit, but if I do it it'd be a problem. Sick of being punished for calling them out on it, but they'd be praised if they do it. 

Sick of always being punished for everything I do. Sick of always being wrong. Sick of always being blamed. It's always me. It's always my fault. 

I'm always the shitty person. 

I can't take any of it anymore I'm so tired. 

I've been tired for weeks now. And every day it gets worse. 

I can't catch a break. I'm so ducking tired.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I can't take it.

I'm home alone. Maybe it's a sign. 

But I dunno what to do.

I can't take it.

I just can't.",-2.430476190476192,-0.7110323809523766,0.9146190476190484,99.7262142857143,102.96825396825398,2.943280423280424,12.649206349206347,4.604124745555138,-1.475132063492064,636,12,155,2,30,225,80,189,0.411,0.57,0.019,-0.998,0,1,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,3,1,5,10,4,0,6,0,22,13,1,0,1,19,40,9,2,6,8,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,1,2,16,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,1,1,18,1,24,30,0,15,1,0,1,1,9,6,2,4,4,97,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147205260414472,0.0,0.0,0.5373398830785513,0.0,0.0,0.07319198055674199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202196345913356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112177566512352,0.0,0.08986641894558015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990209823369083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284783729530967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941234145148667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340555836152776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068278046801104,0.0,0.09673075829295336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995020508149046,0.11246429609053964,0.20649669570249815,0.06116851720943859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657046106049876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796150301477583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059150544146680875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812863860450984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301076615789911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397822297833436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298721914366177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576704592460542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048048192252674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236969736103017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150448182053781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711139970335598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633416383203428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968399989489984,0.0,0.2353526634583529,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blssnow,2018/04/03,"Cant live for myself, can someone talk to me? Please. I just feel awful and alone. I thought I had someone but now I dont and everything sucks and hurts now. Im on campus rn, unable to move. Dont care to study. Dont care about my future. These thoughts are just a part of me and Im really tired and just want to end it. ",-1.6271830985915483,0.3216001549295804,0.8071690140845078,101.92145774647888,96.74647887323944,3.966760563380282,14.14225352112676,5.6839178017228535,-1.0849222535211265,245,5,62,2,10,82,47,71,0.249,0.675,0.076,-0.9332,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,0,13,14,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,1,8,2,8,11,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877189902013645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322863035934265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5729449973771081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432947477836858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645315475380907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239478005624255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444635018440088,0.0,0.35203802490674097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389196373072194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319503102887066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764640334993269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788752990749696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439293767036308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27614193509531243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097679536796442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25873561989971555,0.0,0.1872924276207875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611488948380773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,temp_user_3,2018/04/03,"Anyone here that got rid of suicidal thoughts? I want to preface this by saying that I hate to create any drama. I want to make it clear that I've got no plans on actually committing suicide, since I could never put that burden of sorrow on my dear family (and I'm of course scared of dying.)

However, I can't get rid of the thoughts of really, really wanting to die. The times I've actually ingested too much of some substance (by accident) and feeling like I was about to die I was very scared, and wanted nothing more than to live. But in my day to day life, I think about suicide very frequently. Once again I wouldn't do it, but the thoughts are very tempting. 

I'd just like to hear from someone who used to be suicidal, but isn't anymore, and how you overcame it. I personally don't think, once the thought is there, that it is possible to remove it. I would be very happy to be proved otherwise though, as I'm not here to argue but maybe get some new perspective on things.

Thank you in advance.",4.772607692307695,5.383837230000005,5.690999999999999,81.6626153846154,69.2,9.353846153846154,29.884615384615394,9.466822959209583,2.5099576923076925,786,29,160,16,13,259,111,200,0.139,0.73,0.13,-0.7066,1,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,2,0,2,10,11,2,2,4,0,15,2,0,3,4,33,37,11,7,7,6,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,13,4,1,0,8,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,8,3,15,5,31,23,4,15,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,2,9,101,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.1956217219341699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816042192010731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940208036829573,0.07008374785466012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002618591816134,0.0,0.0,0.12928122572466935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31207142506713265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448873456955983,0.0,0.05067973445910233,0.07160494647144146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047329750359235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032755014579786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669761434522304,0.0,0.09895722347438957,0.0,0.0,0.11296746387225975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079602065637176,0.09793547076197427,0.0,0.0885056857690983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690487741178935,0.0,0.10069537089813466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368121487268149,0.0,0.07730421833369264,0.09680358924763452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961742134923255,0.0,0.0,0.2134851896171941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751772094128897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299523478181295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075969833424113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842091105597372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970760291134571,0.2006971527190052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291200321902947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492528248816414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385451712222591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227910952506364,0.0,0.0,0.06658892972964589,0.1284477759948036,0.098476311133151,0.31828842804551793,0.05844542055049867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656728169209145,0.0,0.33080382637823524,0.2364750326795145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120112724016565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScaredSchwifty,2018/04/03,"I don't see the fucking point anymore. I wrote tons here on why i'm suicidal. My anger. My sadness. Just generally a lot of self pitying. Somehow expecting my ramble to end with me picking out something that'll make me want to stay. It didn't work. I've had Depression and Anxiety for about seven years now.

Back in January of this year, i attempted to take my own life via overdose. However an online friend of mine convinced me to go to the hospital and i can honestly say it's been the worst decision i have ever made in my life. 

I suffer from so much self-hatred. There is nothing i like about myself and there will never be. Even from when i was a kid, there wouldn't be one thing i could say i'm proud of. And over the years, there's just been more and more flaws that take over. I try and sit myself down and say ""No, Calm down, This is just the depression talking. You're not a terrible person"", but at this point i just don't give a fuck anymore. 

I haven't got any hobbies - or hobbies that actually make me happy. I used to feel as if i could get somewhere with my art and animation career, but now i literally couldn't care less if i tried. Whenever somebody says ""Why don't you try do something that makes you happy?"", i smile and nod but what the fuck is there for me to do? I've tried quite a few new things, but i just get more and more depressed and frustrated, leaving it better if i just do nothing. Which i know is wrong. 

I think the main thing affecting my mood at the moment is my friends. I'm a really compassionate person, and i go above and beyond to try and prove to people how much i care and am willing to try my hardest to make somebody smile. I don't usually get the same kind of response - which i usually say is okay. But i think it's really affecting me mentally.

I have one real life friend, Who is only really friends with me because they haven't got anybody else to hang about with in the day. In freetime, they aren't very interested to talk and hang out. 

Online, i have (or had.) quite a few friends. But there's been a cycle that always happens to me, without fail. Six times. The 'cycle' goes as follows;

* I meet a person/people and become friends with them. 
* I become especially good friends with 1/2 people involved.
* The other person shows me the same kind of effort that i put in.
* The other person meets a few other people, i try to get involved however am not usually as welcomed.
* the small things the other person used to do to show me that they cared no longer happens. 
* the other person tends not to enjoy conversation/respond much/excessive anger/disinterest
* The other person only really speaks to me out of pity. 

I know this sounds selfish and stupid. But i can literally give you six examples of this happening. Pretty much to the exact same formula. 

I fight to try and keep people in my life, of course, but i'm not the type of person who gets aggressive about it. I try desperately to prove how much i care and that i'm good enough, though it usually falls under deaf ears. Until I eventually give in and just say ""Well, they're happier and better off without me. It's okay i'll meet new people.""

The thing is. Everybody is better off without me. And after the sixth time for this heartbreak and genuine emotional turmoil, i don't want to try again. I don't want to be lulled into another false sense of security only to be shot in the heart again and again. 

I wish i had somebody who would go the extra mile. Who'd tell me ""hey, it's going to be okay"" rather than ignoring me until they can be like ""are you better now?""

I think i'm going to end my life before the summer. I've been staying for my friends and stuff, but it's really clear to me that i'm just going to hurt myself more and more watching them fade. I'm going to wait until i know for certain that they'll be okay - i'm sort of at that point now but. Idk. 

I'm sorry for this post. I just needed to talk. It sounds so selfish in reptrospect, and i understand that. But i don't ever get to say. I just want to talk about why i'm done with my life and why the only thing i'm looking forward to is ending it.",2.546558752997605,4.346481443645082,4.080737410071944,86.43690947242209,76.29016786570743,7.127338129496403,23.693645083932854,7.984000788550335,1.243304076738609,3220,101,662,52,72,1071,303,834,0.118,0.731,0.151,0.9846,2,0,2,0,1,3,113.0,0,4,7,11,43,65,8,1,37,4,60,12,2,12,8,127,130,57,1,16,34,0,1,2,8,6,7,12,0,10,50,40,0,4,11,3,0,13,23,25,1,5,14,16,92,39,102,99,24,81,0,10,3,3,59,31,3,8,37,456,142,4,0.0,0.0,0.04229336057148562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03606215786348689,0.0,0.0,0.029472527615739725,0.045445524365722856,0.033154802984627314,0.0,0.08596280586849878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033325605473880755,0.0,0.026419519583108977,0.09573073482147662,0.036878949431915525,0.0,0.0,0.1533220071038629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675112283340752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920655442009678,0.0,0.0,0.02795056418395628,0.0,0.11198543294504758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435162869378936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03620481393358471,0.04875140428978543,0.11515850841197875,0.044781564566198674,0.0,0.02862550723190986,0.07840660065892836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0219138883141746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26787357063690403,0.12020074814855725,0.13585943625655195,0.12472636046375465,0.17241691770999326,0.07270268032032846,0.06932554136437898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149756379788535,0.09227197534102888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135783234445044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639611674607198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852237608404553,0.0,0.09026339566231638,0.07145520722031483,0.0,0.0,0.04589055528504634,0.0,0.0,0.18367295404876616,0.04234724177582107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036394488722453884,0.0,0.0,0.0368459198983964,0.0,0.04100913526874846,0.11571852354188235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043676291324033514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929857671961867,0.03213588793452452,0.033426299976890506,0.08371563370742534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317135027118826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058736295266885924,0.13184738249929132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027802392916836,0.3405835141834776,0.0,0.0,0.1229102648624348,0.0,0.04150751638732366,0.04409212377470008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356843616945808,0.0,0.09219435360271756,0.0,0.04933014291393337,0.1388228219879571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24125865469550906,0.0,0.0,0.03453618293022826,0.0,0.09042565767260884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673013976182446,0.0,0.04851532066648667,0.0,0.09238884976315627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961366405078658,0.047406670562966616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517222188341379,0.13933945152752988,0.03788086647078565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275809172600712,0.08331111776914688,0.0425811008442684,0.0,0.0505435331138978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942485676798778,0.0,0.0,0.045118225709724236,0.0,0.07486328659409416,0.1909305205868601,0.03575984652703849,0.1022516694402084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038967655260276034,0.0,0.15642959391145667,0.0,0.04983859295049403,0.1253339658692573,0.0,0.0315518664128922,0.0,0.0,0.030787326864221337,0.047385231417783134,0.0,0.08372816662957555
suicidewatch,MarcSpector03,2018/04/03,"I want to finally stop suffering. I'm afraid of committing suicide someday. I'm 14 and these four last years I've been depressed. I know it looks pathetic that a stupid teen pretends to depressed, and honestly I also think that I'm really pathetic. I thought that I was feeling better but I can't escape reality and I can't escape the truth that I'm a shit and that my life is shit. I'm always having nervous breakdowns, where I think about killing myself. It would be so easy: no more problems, all I have to do is to grab a knife in the kitchen and I already know which artery to cut (I'm so pathetic and stupid). While I'm having these breakdowns, I can't think about anything and I'm afraid that someday I will kill myself without realizing (so pathetic). I just don't want to hurt the really few people who still care a little about me.

I just wanted to talk and to be finally free of this pain. I want so much to kill me, I need to commit suicide, I want to die, I have to die because I hate myself and I'm so pathetic. So forget about me, just like everyone.",3.0655720453318978,4.467322270642208,4.621268213707502,84.7704937938478,74.0,7.8817053426875345,27.502428494333515,8.4952907291091,1.9243693470048573,837,32,172,15,17,281,104,218,0.379,0.494,0.127,-0.9976,0,0,0,0,0,7,25.0,0,0,0,1,16,24,9,3,7,0,17,5,2,0,4,36,42,18,7,8,5,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,13,9,1,1,8,1,1,0,6,18,0,1,3,3,26,7,20,35,4,10,0,4,1,0,2,3,2,0,8,112,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457974929706007,0.09752691593125523,0.1014758577408586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003581070876903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434229035727953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785878538044677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434067218104645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007834871478992,0.0,0.25313889446204474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653268688080368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061663825596243164,0.0,0.0,0.2671902403183394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040475418705067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055474274376758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047735328626221,0.0,0.1340459338785878,0.09940913985691914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614002258013928,0.05958077575984325,0.1222303803474558,0.0,0.0,0.10241100862936313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896505404402789,0.09042766671824087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976811503516725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454784827949341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166939219818281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562542650782169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25036894568437434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739296765094857,0.10195936666456272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667967111799561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802235361526496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344304288993656,0.0,0.09681819728228727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596594212816681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175597213639822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663293009036144,0.0,0.0,0.07853465635610547
suicidewatch,throwaway93578437,2018/04/03,"Feeling hopeless about life Been thinking about suicide for a long time now. I just don't see the point in living, I really don't. All there is to life is a bunch of hurdles to overcome with some good times in between, but is the occasional happiness worth all the strugge in life? I've been asking myself this question more and more often. Maybe I'm making it look worse than it actually is, I am just 16 after all. 
Also, sorry for rambling I'm really not the best at speaking my mind.",5.347663230240549,5.7066079072164975,6.164484536082476,79.66088487972509,67.8659793814433,8.52852233676976,30.59965635738832,8.344100000000001,2.2028089347079045,385,14,74,5,6,127,68,97,0.147,0.752,0.101,-0.7048,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,1,3,16,17,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,5,3,15,15,8,10,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,3,5,55,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.19684780151998227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613139196404098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857922623122314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116907376096228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199474998229434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919160114360274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147327055872866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274384526865505,0.0,0.0,0.17812080880801404,0.17851420173084115,0.16939242934714804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464842144582098,0.0,0.202652979316963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367781292269385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068883859059066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225970476507416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25845160507347503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074323701982826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258069371690839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064689945668794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925283585437905,0.0,0.0,0.23524693332672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055680127759958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaycat17,2018/04/03,"Work, relationship and life is just to much. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to have someone constantly disappointed in me. I try my best at everything and it's just never enough for anyone at all. Everyone is constantly disappointed or upset in what I do. In never happy. I don't even remember the last time I had true happiness. I can't focus on anything, I have no hobbies, I have no life outside of working and sitting at home with my girlfriend. I have nothing to live for anymore. I have tried changing my life style and it all ends up worse then before...",2.467870813397127,4.7089540964912295,4.288660287081342,82.77380382775121,78.21052631578948,7.303349282296653,27.90749601275917,8.296473431620573,2.1653438596491226,453,20,87,9,11,153,68,114,0.184,0.727,0.09,-0.7988,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,1,0,14,3,0,0,5,16,16,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,15,4,16,15,5,17,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,1,8,68,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30632303178489423,0.10798700611770526,0.0,0.12708974536882114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314158080915542,0.0,0.1620737017311609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337547945852085,0.0,0.0,0.3337863560263704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136786691547142,0.1595762782216933,0.0,0.10200518786081564,0.0,0.0,0.14757262699151166,0.13879938616957793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32880535889537243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549144306613747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258880088353024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327253488137498,0.0,0.0,0.13637204520539645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353008428882345,0.0,0.2382250194563421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481879279957867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580917663924252,0.17494874050597164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085525931940334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900543446909695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970723893760887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218368439430774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486616811587565,0.0,0.15738604893315708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sRand45,2018/04/03,"when shit doesnt work out for me and this last road is closed off im killing myself and none of you can stop me. im basically on the last road out of hell, and it is likely unrealistic for me to expect that there is not a brick wall at the end.

I am sacrificing everythign I have left and giving everything my absolute all to the point where I do not eat or sleep in order to work 24/7 without rest until my body fails me.

my health is in poor condition, and I cannot even take showers, eat, sleep, or use the medicines im supposed to because every second is a mad-rush to work harder. I cannot afford failure and every minute counts, every second of wasted time is a second I will not sleep for days. Its destroying my performance and ensuring failure in the end at this point since I cant keep it up indefinitely.

and its all for nothing, because in the end even if I overcome every possible odd in front of me, there is going to be a wall/hurdle that will be insurmountable at the end.

nobody can help me, and the few who do right now by also sacrificing everything from food to clothes, will not be able to help much longer or will die imminently leaving me on my own with nothing, no bank account, no property, nothing.

not a single family member... pretty much everything.

why even continue? why even fight?

sometimes I say its because im destined to end capitalism and become some kind of communist hero of the people and the most legendary thief of all time who literally steals the future out from under the elite and drives them to be a new underclass.

but thats just the last bits of my sanity failing me and trying to justify my continued existence for a false purpose that can never be won.

I'll probably end up a criminal, if I dont kill myself. probably even a successful one -- I was VERY good at crime for years, being heavily involved in drugs for many years and a highly successful kleptomaniac before that (never got caught, hundreds of dollars of shit) Police who had ideas about me because of association or watching my vehicle loathed me because I was so skilled at defending myself and hiding any and all proof.

im also a good hacker and highly intelligent in computer science, so I can probably be a great cyber-criminal.

but in the end those roads will just lead to more pain, so why not just end the pain once and for all?

why not stop the lack of sleep, the endless nights and the continuous destruction of whats left of my mind and just off myself already?

why keep trying for a better future I know cannot exist for me?

let me tell you something -- unless you can be an exception to the rule, if your starting from nothing in this world there is no equality. you are nothing.

everyone will have unfair advantages over you unless they are equally as impoverished. your intelligence, determination, all dont matter.

all that matters is how many continues you can buy with money. thats what this game is and im fucking sick of it. seems to me society was intentionally designed to pit us against each other like dogs to limit how many people can become successful.

sure, they give you little catch-22s here and there ""oh we'll help under X circumstances"" but if you dont make every decision perfect and meet all criteria thats worthless to you.

Id rather what little social programs and help we get wasnt there at all so that way people would hurt and would be under no illusion that things are ok so they would fucking stand up and fight about it instead of being pussies.",7.9437083260603965,7.0024860816023775,8.230493978006635,71.361892127771,62.81305637982196,11.430895444231105,35.55053237912376,10.65453281929,3.6939451562227275,2785,106,511,59,34,919,305,674,0.123,0.7390000000000001,0.138,0.8952,2,0,2,0,2,2,67.0,3,11,4,18,31,35,11,0,33,1,59,17,7,6,14,101,76,51,3,10,27,0,0,2,0,10,5,1,1,0,30,34,3,5,4,1,6,5,24,19,0,4,8,2,58,16,87,47,24,85,1,4,1,2,35,45,5,12,34,372,88,11,0.052235439197472866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576431060708912,0.08354532370814935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03552188988381593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921119451480764,0.11537987732715628,0.044448511435161465,0.0,0.0,0.046198001102223794,0.057027570743500386,0.05802179731156017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368753695230373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421213897469542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836586371305605,0.0,0.060576525814695664,0.10689978978141282,0.0,0.0,0.3701207586335599,0.0,0.0,0.17250507472885393,0.0,0.2200530520994505,0.049913200653754375,0.1408375337703768,0.0,0.04924292324033977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316330042035527,0.0,0.0,0.0965816436548204,0.027290861042433088,0.10021798604601796,0.029686603862092518,0.08762521621042715,0.04177745252440216,0.057589756122513686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055523829227655724,0.0,0.0,0.1400492552730566,0.11037921887350037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055919118019944966,0.058967452734435315,0.3385394278778441,0.0,0.0,0.09285851686433746,0.11558154829563792,0.054395171718217006,0.028707231308179808,0.12773656415141565,0.0,0.05530978790811353,0.11350791505377325,0.053414275638698806,0.0,0.05103919415587221,0.10470726563625253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486756127914596,0.15887561000959144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274290293957893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679811619361677,0.0,0.08057438184354394,0.05044931267654347,0.0,0.04901942116113399,0.0,0.25060656353780475,0.0,0.0,0.055629037964995576,0.03539608546399955,0.0,0.1111643803568174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864042945308684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875874805531112,0.058887609176189924,0.0,0.053142220643201114,0.16895591478992264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044608779665051015,0.0,0.041539717826841925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047553182019485,0.0,0.0,0.10723785538554917,0.04320969509028416,0.0,0.20909265202782265,0.053247452097852366,0.0,0.04021339308687728,0.05166218502302247,0.0,0.03697251271830137,0.0,0.0,0.08734233223444811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049231283262587695,0.0,0.039274549495882084,0.0,0.04565607622877139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470290474595575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060917809324642115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092886878160508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283280177456797,0.04511464807850042,0.0,0.04309970787565709,0.0,0.0414620602753928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235671795864451,0.0,0.0,0.050353099360369184,0.0,0.11408406557051552,0.0,0.0,0.11131967189375416,0.0,0.0,0.06727582047405213
suicidewatch,atrociousamosa,2018/04/03,"I can't handle life being in a constant state of severe anxiety, depression and unemployment. I want to be permanently sedated knowing that the future is only going to get worse. No one believes me. I find myself crying for no reason almost everyday. I'm constantly tense. Every second of every day is filled with overbearing thoughts that can't escape my head. I'm terrified of living the rest of my life feeling like this. It's been 12 years since I've been struck with horrible anxiety (phobias, OCD, social anxiety, health anxiety) that disables my drive for life. It's only getting worse and I have no one to turn to anymore since my dad uses the ""stress I give him"" as an excuse to cheat on my mom and my mom's advice isn't helpful. 

I'm the reason everyone in my family is going to die of cancer because I'm a big stressful burden to all of them.   I've been thinking about ending it for so long. Why can't today be the day?",3.5945289855072464,5.370504902173913,5.4831304347826135,77.5995507246377,73.34782608695652,8.167536231884059,26.94057971014493,8.841846274778883,2.328541014492754,738,27,131,15,15,254,109,184,0.317,0.6509999999999999,0.032,-0.9953,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,2,8,0,14,6,1,3,1,16,30,5,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,7,5,0,3,4,1,16,1,23,23,2,19,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,11,80,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162986193712794,0.0,0.0,0.11439061168345598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34956017295082475,0.0,0.11329117722650672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696370586113218,0.0,0.0,0.12870458179456076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689654575453426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125482617565166,0.1473452286045414,0.0,0.09839109215034457,0.0,0.1185586827211096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117897582821564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924971084269388,0.10915716353980646,0.0,0.0,0.10769130720771744,0.0,0.057761032335795374,0.08161004931621116,0.0,0.0,0.10440941450493696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936693872292993,0.10958534965872176,0.1298456292232239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723884612654155,0.12142727030075998,0.0,0.0,0.07656982151634098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278098582416458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206428557819,0.055809821754973114,0.0,0.100872268416009,0.1010950522489027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675830814222154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548182139817212,0.17376288531610126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349067731335067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905389216705174,0.0,0.1889940012540768,0.0,0.0,0.11644897062488994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617133527820413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319766196371924,0.0,0.09069043267818792,0.0,0.0,0.1082821426419009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242557025657562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866301807626653,0.0,0.0,0.06737921062033342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030800045917743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328319964551256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356408366499327
suicidewatch,LeHark2,2018/04/03,"Peaceful way out, or unhappy life It's been years since I was normal or happy.

My goals were what kept me hopeful enough to keep my depression infrequent enough, but I only seem to have wasted time.

I moved due to health reasons, so all my friends are distant. And, I'm not gonna be a college grad any sooner than years.

Medications don't prevent me from getting mad at people in my head, and I'm living in a shelter. The only jobs I can get are low pay, and I don't have the luxury of believing in God.

I can't move back to my friends, because I'm living on disability support for mental illness. It only applies if I live here. I don't work well. Not for long.

Approaching or online dating doesn't work for me, either. So, I'm sorta stuck in this lonely poorness, where my head won't leave me alone.

Nothing quite brings me joy or take my mind off, either. I researched a painless and surefire suicide method, but live on in case I become rich through one my business plans. Then, I could start moving back, benefit the world, and improve my overall time spent.",3.414981879007528,5.083991379146923,4.406038472260941,85.58018678561474,73.59715639810426,6.6708670197937,27.57764148313354,7.285733465282438,1.4820006133258987,835,32,162,9,17,271,136,211,0.14800000000000002,0.6509999999999999,0.201,0.9317,1,3,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,5,7,13,1,0,6,0,16,6,2,1,1,28,33,15,1,4,11,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,4,5,8,4,1,1,6,0,25,9,21,23,5,30,0,3,0,0,2,13,0,8,11,100,29,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952941919239647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848240631717998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774855379672532,0.0,0.07035254992920667,0.12746070722636196,0.0,0.13002696692515608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214508159302537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940201899870138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849769464133025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833016128155085,0.0,0.12059338352117226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285554118093375,0.0,0.0,0.2368868513472537,0.1226748841343593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462765766177654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452610436527012,0.10258125165066184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220197917733365,0.0,0.0,0.08151713123644479,0.0,0.0,0.4076347532034226,0.10213376114338557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626291289924733,0.11630561473423474,0.0,0.11653067875584965,0.0,0.0,0.3679860495630262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307679004386315,0.11073851199728632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820445281794837,0.2633223381807909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001040442665906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275219170096005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186601704261024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506445927102567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546791733235444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168742640708616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623924319543153,0.1309653141737633,0.0,0.0,0.08677356867953027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459239581583493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160667610659287,0.0,0.0,0.10376698575834108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680389569681526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863984700802227
suicidewatch,ThatOneNiggaFromMars,2018/04/03,"Pissssed off and suicidal Im pretty depressed cuz I have no friends and am a senior in highschool. No girlfriend (in fact I havent been with one ever) and really nothing to do with myself other than lift weights and do my work or play a video game. I've had this strong sort of hate towards the mainstream and hate all the trends that have circled around, I'm sure you know what I'm on about. I'm talking about the shit heads that smoke Juuls and listen to trap music or anything that's bound to get old quick(Drake). I'm a metal head, and I grew up in a town with no one else who shares that. I love Pantera, or some Slayer and not the bullshit people listen to now. 

ANNNYYYWAY The reason why I'm depressed is because I've never found that group that I fit in with. All of my previous friends left me because they wanted to smoke and drink and use people for their money. Fucked, am I right? I feel like shit for not going to parties or being with a girl at least once. Shit pisses me off that I live in this place, especially when I'm in a town where every one is preppy. So I'm not going to give you ALL the details but I'm sure you know what's good so what are your thoughts of this and what the fuck should I do to improve on myself because I'm tired of being alone and I can't do much about it since I hate a lot of people in my town. I just don't know where I belong.

Thank you",2.7187837418554146,3.811338416382256,3.6593810114799865,92.54776217809494,74.3924914675768,6.009866583928018,22.874495811355878,5.852544927426893,0.20947918088737216,1088,28,243,5,22,349,151,293,0.14,0.727,0.133,-0.4688,0,1,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,5,2,2,12,22,9,0,14,0,19,12,6,3,8,50,49,21,1,2,9,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,0,1,17,18,2,1,7,4,1,3,10,11,0,3,4,4,27,11,39,42,7,33,0,2,0,3,20,24,6,7,7,159,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370618330512453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903453158176259,0.09773367295938036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077534030405875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911870014147605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075494270782459,0.0,0.0,0.09171291975104616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930859315249953,0.09250025111792587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555115870524318,0.07843182806417072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037573787562762,0.16964227003290186,0.20299255580002987,0.05735915670255284,0.1053176584844628,0.12478892184785124,0.09208409547603022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251756890990717,0.2253461944670609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858875921531215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100813051029116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928385616756965,0.0,0.0,0.05363636440431065,0.0,0.09694389942337314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933369496386338,0.0990870201741408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070604980841957,0.0,0.0846744737586177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534355164758594,0.0,0.11520294916170902,0.11691953217911245,0.22318346163168484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833736933192336,0.0,0.11470400902079997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169281015558796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033233953888555,0.11287928261217547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375746624992501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380842184829625,0.0908169100234505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008911801014616,0.0,0.20694582607238804,0.0,0.0,0.08824260193369426,0.0,0.10107708487808427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715858503308051,0.0,0.1261839632684949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482068611509528,0.0,0.0,0.06475519506178977,0.0,0.0,0.13369094374572266,0.0,0.0,0.09906565753526632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992621637635354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madforpeace,2018/04/03,"Lost the will to continue I tried to get motivated every single day and hype up about what to do every morning. 
But I just cannot keep up with 'Life'.
It's making my mind blow up.

Okay, I realize that it's hard to dedicate oneself to keep up with life so I tone down a bit. 
Now it seems I've tone down too hard and it is very very difficult to grasp back what you have in your life.

What is the purpose of life? Am I even needed in this world?
I have upcoming exam in a month. 
I don't think I can excel.
I've been thinking of vanishing from this world. 
Sometimes I think that I born in a wrong world.

Is it worth it? To go on with life?
My head hurts so much.",-0.2950961538461563,1.6943577202797222,1.9235970279720287,97.19001092657344,87.18181818181819,5.5330419580419585,17.329108391608393,6.9077264865688965,-0.1805800699300697,506,12,124,7,16,170,82,143,0.128,0.8220000000000001,0.049,-0.8753,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,8,6,0,0,5,1,12,6,1,2,0,19,23,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,13,5,0,2,7,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,15,2,25,20,3,21,0,2,0,0,2,14,0,1,6,82,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953774218460897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972006587289734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002576633740319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267865968927677,0.0,0.2619604378088116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122048113679703,0.0,0.08835046447408414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785199828303432,0.0,0.1595449391966595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664211936466021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27635674102199265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490235389865369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970096414029628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037695402411718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569684425362516,0.0,0.12408523365349995,0.0,0.11427964727728306,0.1152702683767126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152328565973005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375211202108782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988339679171079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105545897580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565385536992334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996911221962518,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreenGorilla57,2018/04/03,"Can't handle life Fuck life and fuck anyone saying it gets better it doesn't. I wake up to go sleep if I jumped off a building no one would miss me I hate the world no one even cares, I haven't showered or shaved in months I haven't changed my clothes in weeks and I can't get out of bed I hate this",-0.2956512605042008,1.4735198970588248,1.0397478991596645,104.91029411764707,85.32352941176471,3.8857142857142857,15.596638655462186,3.1291,-1.4693008403361345,235,4,62,0,7,74,48,68,0.236,0.642,0.122,-0.7992,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,2,0,6,6,2,0,0,6,15,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,0,1,9,2,7,14,0,10,0,1,0,2,1,6,2,2,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694149604324306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850884435687066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288429547408073,0.0,0.23743960578974194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824789909999825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150030306632164,0.2345329736258463,0.0,0.12756078801990706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431981785153217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170730372114517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915480445626508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30418788053915835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849260106450707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461329347190293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004121194807565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944369088551644,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wonderfulwaffle1,2018/04/03,"Bucket List before I kill myself :) Okay so my life is beyond repair, I'm gonna try to be optimistic about this. I'm happy to find out the next mystery in life. This is what I want to do before I end it all.

-Have sex with someone gorgeous
-Try heroin
-Pop molly with some friends
-Skydive
-Try cocaine

Hahah, writing this I realize I don't really want much in life. Not much drive nor dreams. 

Anyways, I'll update you once the list is done and I'm ready to go. Bye!!! Have a good day :)",0.12575384615384874,2.4610893600000026,2.041999999999998,94.12330769230772,90.4,4.276923076923079,17.69230769230769,5.873414542411696,-0.2946461538461533,376,10,79,3,13,124,72,100,0.08800000000000001,0.655,0.257,0.9495,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,3,1,9,4,0,0,1,12,16,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,5,11,13,4,10,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,5,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367182896716583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759943426201376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247329151140506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523987980011674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808349323372311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286147643593126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124449633502955,0.16595051207465214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210619216382616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188960889977215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419250303350014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29089084763211703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041992795036607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070800702715387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267503112404958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676410157668183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402989548131323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333987802007625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExcellentFinance,2018/04/03,"I'm out soon. I have no desire to be here. I don't think that I objectively could be any less worth. I would make the world a better place by leaving the gene pool. Actually, being me is a-okay until you reach a certain age. I'm about to be 18, but I don't feel mature enough. I'm not socially skilled enough. I'm bogged down by sleep deprivation. I like the opposite sex. It does not even sound that bad, but it's a bad ground foundation of traits to have in life. I'm unhappy with the person that I am and I feel lesser worth. 

I only wish the best for everyone else. I want all of my peers to have a great life with a partner, house and a nice job. The thought of that makes me happy, but only if I can be dead at the same time.

I want to give away my money to my peers. Literslly",0.3182213713887947,2.167755420118344,2.4610233205708347,95.1245875391577,83.55621301775146,5.869961712495649,18.22520013922729,7.048011613610866,-0.04739150713539875,602,14,146,8,17,203,102,169,0.146,0.644,0.21,0.7944,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,3,4,10,0,0,13,0,15,4,1,2,2,26,30,7,1,7,6,0,2,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,4,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,3,18,7,21,22,6,12,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,5,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.15990373357391596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114304264294972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395187420754566,0.0,0.2736325293734774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196097210848812,0.14492086372230406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082888531469503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339499979526416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688401307207287,0.0,0.0,0.3386223876588493,0.0,0.10822799181665343,0.0,0.0,0.15657526250715995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657050899341782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718945356706815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065624052357085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443202859621507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890724523434547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260577683048932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350409205378853,0.0,0.0,0.23147834326781935,0.08005372445003177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187556593750964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492458442495942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430762411661171,0.1711988355930981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397834866712774,0.16703464576222382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499487862471092,0.0,0.1300865453351296,0.0955480900987814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932977598223625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188430925827815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640145038908613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lurklurklurky,2018/04/03,"My sister attempted suicide last night I hope this is the right place for this. My sister attempted suicide last night. She lives in another state and I’m flying to her in a few hours. Our mom is with her now. I don’t know what to do when I see her or how to support her over the next few days. Googling has mostly returned resources for people who attempt - any advice here?  She’ll be in the hospital for the next few days. I’m thinking of bringing some games with me in case she wants to do something, she likes games. Is that okay? Otherwise I just plan on telling her I’m glad she’s okay and offering my support. My family hasn’t ever been great with communication so I’m not sure what else to do, or how to support her from across the country when I come back home.",1.1411111111111083,3.5399508853503217,2.392558386411892,93.44436482661007,84.73248407643311,5.527105449398444,22.09801840056617,6.937597516519254,0.5965402689313515,607,21,130,8,18,194,92,157,0.067,0.7829999999999999,0.15,0.8964,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,1,0,0,4,10,10,0,0,6,2,12,0,0,2,2,20,26,9,2,2,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,22,10,21,23,5,27,0,0,1,0,20,9,0,5,16,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132664547954082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835049476986596,0.15165274810219767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120830318981996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458230968654475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654333638631826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081628728434468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082230456390662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634032086813289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594504410337046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507145669285362,0.1436460395949749,0.1424272678098368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948255038983221,0.2357786391355684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065685432705981,0.0,0.12770721982237693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938397409189473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076223310005333,0.2714430082576486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002653108047789,0.0,0.15110316566238158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350963210255855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524802768652173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133999681338526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163942751058668,0.4923588884861062,0.13630809292151266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640931270934996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267036474616618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530403645392319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xd_meme,2018/04/03,"this is the best my life has ever been but I still wanna kill myself (Now that i’m rereading this it’s kinda hard to understand my writing and I went off on a tangent like 3 times so sorry about that I just felt like I had to get shit off my chest)






I feel kinda bad because my life is a lot better than most people here, asian dude in high school with decent social life and with really close friends to lean on, but I guess that still isn’t enough to make me feel like someone gives a fuck about me or actually loves me. It’s not like I have abusive parents or anything, they aren’t super affectionate but they’re good parents. I don’t get bullied at school either but every day after I get home, I get into bed and just cry my eyes out for like 3 hours.





It isn’t even the feeling of thinking everybody hates me but just the feeling that nobody loves me, that i’m never anyone’s first choice just hurts so much.




Everyday i’ve just been thinking about it more and more, I tried talking to one of my friends about it a couple weeks back and we had a really heartfelt talk, but he thinks i’m better now since I act like everything is ok at school and when we hang out, but it’s only gotten worse since then.





Nothing makes me feel better than when I get a hug hello or goodbye from one of my friends, it feels so good to know that someone is happy to see you or sad to see you go, but I haven’t been getting those lately.




Thinking logically I know that my friends still love me but it just feels like everyone hates me, I guess I’m just that fucking irrational and needy that I need a hug to keep me from killing myself lmfao





This should be the happiest time of my life right now. I remember in middle school I had zero friends, I was so ugly, and I had no social skills especially with girls (im cringing just thinking about it). I have everything that middle school me thought would make me happy: friends, not hella ugly anymore, and still no girlfriend but I at least have female friends now, but i’m even more depressed than I was in middle school








If weren’t for $uicideboy$ and those hugs that I used to get I probably would have already killed myself ($uicideboy$ is a band btw, could talk about them all day if ur into that)


It makes me feel a lot better typing this out, but tbh I’m probably just gonna cry myself to sleep again later tonight when I’m in bed
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suicidewatch,Nightninja43,2018/04/03,"I want to do it but I’m scared of what happens next. I’ve lost all hope, I’ve always been a fuck up. I have no one and literally this is the only place where I can vent to without judgement I hope. Basically everyone I’ve ever talked to or known as a “close friend” has always betrayed me, left me for someone better, the 100th choice, my family house hold has so many problems to the point of me not wanting to be there anymore. So much danger and hostility to me. There’s a lot of physical and emotional hostility to me. I’m tired of feeling this way. People are like “oh I’ll never leave you.” Then they leave me very soon after. So yea I’m alone. I don’t really know how to do anything. People always bully me, and I don’t want to speak up in fear of being labeled a pussy by everyone else. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I’m sorry that my problems probably seem very baby to you but to me they are destroying my sanity. I don’t want to kill myself because I’m too scared of what the afterlife is like. Maybe it’s better or maybe it’s 100x worse. Why do I have so much bad Karma. I always try to be nice to others and they all treat me like dirt. People say it gets better but for about 10 years (I’m 20) it’s been all bad. I’ve had dips of good things happening also but the bad significantly outweighs the good things. How do I make all of those go away. Thank you for letting me vent here. ",1.4446485260770956,3.2414454149659915,3.5872789115646277,88.73787981859414,79.54421768707482,6.5324263038548755,20.75283446712018,7.526774132740827,0.6308943310657598,1088,29,238,16,27,372,152,294,0.257,0.568,0.175,-0.9918,0,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,3,3,4,15,30,6,3,10,1,24,2,0,3,6,37,47,20,1,8,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,14,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,15,0,1,4,3,31,15,34,39,7,18,1,1,0,1,10,9,1,6,10,150,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723695591828148,0.0,0.07508011727388926,0.3124806819492793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621817017818845,0.06564685183835911,0.0,0.077259681366737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820842007499165,0.0,0.2351711522324732,0.057231665998425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910200978029545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842920126022249,0.10560843388882127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492471573655351,0.0,0.1794230385264998,0.0,0.0,0.08850679577732487,0.1056471722114508,0.047471277166049146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253562406892898,0.08679553576739052,0.04905124444137917,0.0,0.05335723414551776,0.15749323163103718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604509127078848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649876441101373,0.0,0.1083311417075484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387028041268713,0.0,0.051596958335001684,0.0,0.0,0.198822156799186,0.1020067574760102,0.09600417835623676,0.0,0.13760298647621005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024870002920012,0.07981800631900783,0.0,0.0,0.062669230872522,0.0951850556643206,0.1886409987053487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803313732730396,0.0,0.07241020525837423,0.0,0.09984818376928356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361917411337926,0.07140407430790657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526493697044134,0.0,0.09809025634846916,0.0,0.08875204567663876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122433615281863,0.17967128897465534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014538876061285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466143519554856,0.18799131970293168,0.0,0.0,0.0854697384438113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954879137446981,0.0,0.0,0.10509701432898297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754615250018192,0.0,0.08643705875048685,0.0,0.0,0.12474657071999902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790745162035276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374202109540401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493056837406485,0.2215041562271556,0.07452185735178148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084716966964963,0.0,0.0,0.09050217145095696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567723939376543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045911688048498
suicidewatch,jw8nbszp,2018/04/03,Delivering myself Will post again on dday. Hopefully the life insurance is worth it to her.,4.353750000000002,7.6950968750000035,5.230000000000004,71.81500000000003,80.25,10.7,26.75,10.125756701596842,4.0701,74,3,12,3,2,24,16,16,0.0,0.753,0.247,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6407729869504339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556838788779076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178690651953724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fellay,2018/04/03,"I am sorry I can't take this anymore. For the past 2 years I have been struggling with depression, anxiety and constant suicidal thoughts, but today things became so much worse.

My overall problem is that I just feel so utterly worthless and pointless. I cannot describe how much I hate myself. I know for a fact that I am never going to achieve anything in life whatsoever. I am an unlikable person and because of that I don't have friends. Nobody likes me, and for a good reason. I am so annoying and negative. Sadly, I can't seem to find a way to fix myself and that is why I certainly won't achieve anything in a social aspect.

But that is not where it ends. I have no chance of success in terms of career aswell. I am so stupid. I have no talent. When I was younger people used to tell me that I am good at math and physics and naturally I started believing them. I thought my life's purpose was to become a scientist one day. I was so naive. 2 years ago I realized that they all lied to me. I was never even mediocre in that field. Yeah, I won prizes on a few competitions, but for me that was sheer luck. I have never deserved them. 

The situation became a lot worse today. I am on a competition again feeling like shit, because I know that I failed once again. My stupidity started becoming apparent. I feel worse than I ever have. I haven't eaten anything today. I am basically living on self-hate right now. I can't get out of the bed in the hotel room. The good thing is that my room is on the 16th floor. Maybe I will finally get the courage to finally jump and end all of my pain. I have everything prepared. What makes things worse is that I have told all these things to a girl that was concerned because my depression became more visible recently and is on the same competition and she knows that I failed, but she doesn't seem to care at all. She was telling me about how much she cared and how everybody would miss me if I were to kill myself, but now it seems like she doesn't care at all. I completely understand her, but it still breaks my heart and it hurts so much.

I am sorry that this post turned out to be such a mess. I just needed to vent because all these thoughts have been killing me from the inside.",3.2453861484803213,4.88214929596413,4.295926756352768,86.32888764324865,73.97757847533633,7.646138515196812,26.962879920279022,8.344100000000001,1.741444643746886,1750,65,361,30,36,569,208,446,0.255,0.624,0.121,-0.9974,1,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,0,3,8,22,36,7,1,20,1,47,6,2,6,12,65,78,30,3,4,10,0,3,3,1,3,3,0,3,2,28,16,1,0,16,1,0,2,16,19,0,1,16,3,67,17,40,58,15,52,0,8,0,0,16,20,1,6,30,265,95,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679384348970053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863085654144301,0.0,0.07600818712620261,0.0,0.0,0.1892093015310348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688080436361776,0.16928995121845122,0.0,0.08634919484932133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442462615121265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035759154689807,0.08282268447526102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049427695881099715,0.0,0.13202314119770814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357639794423324,0.0,0.0,0.0506212631912888,0.06932700153982704,0.0,0.0,0.06888081288244541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625736783379212,0.054753000645436666,0.0,0.167914947161398,0.07004932343108995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921335476845758,0.0,0.08008447645481473,0.0,0.043557367507031264,0.1928508105755896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566802557313326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908210403742444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820467570348787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958585089530415,0.0,0.12636117927215168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826890475335167,0.1123301075850991,0.0,0.06767621664200234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515821688646549,0.0,0.0,0.051159074569961334,0.0,0.07699710675682128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253625093953247,0.05682901014958861,0.17733291308336244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162114002531486,0.05193454630337231,0.0,0.08155240308704009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316338175881174,0.05313385496246582,0.06692076549623148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340177047123914,0.0,0.0,0.07333596362011292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880065512006397,0.07567464664843777,0.0,0.0,0.06545177814670547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209315767641209,0.07995423415917427,0.0,0.07867182617777874,0.0,0.08614872560601902,0.0,0.07812678239024799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158870208806698,0.10849508630967568,0.0,0.0612063337250507,0.0,0.0,0.08012277213927395,0.0,0.08383381744640424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057625183197517936,0.0,0.13397682675080194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366993578692874,0.0,0.0,0.1825353627611661,0.0,0.0,0.21794272674640688,0.07323463587911153,0.0,0.0,0.08336439715189096,0.0,0.0797869382670688,0.0,0.06619400843000678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608347861346329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915740898619835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124186435126554,0.054444218700609684,0.0,0.0,0.09870976317594833
suicidewatch,MyTopSecretAccount1,2018/04/03,"Tied a rope in my closet tried calling the suicide hotline as a last resort, it was completely unhelpful. I don't know what to do or who to talk to anymore. I really need help. I'm crying. I'm on my last leg. I'm burned out. I called the hotline and sat on hold for half an hour just to hear someone tell me ""take it one day at a time, It'll get better""

like what the fuck. I feel fucking worse after that call and this is my last resource. I have no one that understands and no one to talk to help me figure things out.

I want die right now. I have no one to turn to anymore.",0.9063781818181836,2.386668496000002,2.813018181818183,95.1345090909091,80.03999999999998,5.825454545454545,20.96363636363636,6.574015621080383,0.11636000000000025,442,12,106,4,11,148,79,125,0.18600000000000005,0.72,0.094,-0.9237,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,7,0,7,3,1,0,0,14,22,5,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,5,2,2,12,2,17,19,0,15,0,0,0,2,10,7,2,1,9,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746233025130024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245352950436493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241387241557848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516901406922555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208797228236084,0.08929299323991184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436959955203137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000777044139098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560016206046697,0.07233781068718663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605054688077333,0.0,0.18560895713535602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635177013651434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609207567674635,0.3385815999374189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676428559497162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026637460771962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752868515773295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869878420866673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824110105502147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731374965864386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144894701393932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410206265900834,0.2225721924862347,0.1210170904399644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919843514612909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073510307264423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940028801986567,0.1506009215812855,0.0,0.1441381074378361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166523552085475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410990100079964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,defcon330,2018/04/03,I need help Im a freshman in college who has been having suicidal thoughts everyday for the past couple of months. My grades are plummeting and my parents just found out. I haven’t told anyone about what’s happening because im not an open person but I might have to soon. I know I need help but I’m not a person to ask for it. I’m scared of how my parents would react if I say I’m depressed but if I keep it to myself then  the thoughts of jumping off a bridge on the way to school is becoming more realistic. I need help and advice from anyone at this point.,2.1125423728813573,3.716326016949156,3.7119999999999997,89.46647457627121,76.96610169491525,6.753898305084746,24.51186440677966,7.554174236665415,1.0702481355932203,442,15,96,6,10,147,76,118,0.097,0.825,0.079,-0.4767,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,7,0,9,0,0,2,0,24,23,9,1,6,8,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,1,12,0,16,16,1,14,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,3,5,63,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723281637458793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070370003908487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085595430468495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184693132704727,0.16640299229092287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671330369712067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977170581493558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652016942921637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323683514263854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029724378992755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254985479983769,0.0,0.0,0.1339222698435479,0.0,0.0,0.08280419949700288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598368819555383,0.0,0.0,0.12026322269896254,0.0,0.0,0.3351593146466246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33460203647996123,0.0,0.14383140361449245,0.0,0.26311817198417026,0.0,0.0,0.14243169235404635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198186981202514,0.1508467867361342,0.15248591420553986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480834187554758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239230033787196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397148161375467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959469980729635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703152596496747,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paulsenTylerL,2018/04/03,"I feel completely normal, but still want to end it all. I am not depressed, sad, or any of those negative things. I appreciate life-everything about it. I feel happy, sad, anxious, excited, everything. Nothing is wrong with me. But one question always pops into my head: what is the point of living? What is the end game? Because of this, I am contemplating of suicide because I really dont see the point of living.  ",3.1400324675324685,5.790022402597407,4.714399350649352,78.40588474025976,78.22077922077922,8.005844155844157,27.806818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.72468961038961,323,14,56,8,8,108,53,77,0.14,0.5870000000000001,0.274,0.9053,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,1,12,10,3,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,3,8,2,9,10,1,6,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,2,3,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626854263011846,0.0,0.0,0.11954092371008615,0.0,0.0,0.19858883517636985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431577339535146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843089175392484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140475078872762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060205993330841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113895228832672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159713430230871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777659850088392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712811654013334,0.0,0.0,0.18040777770231145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416328223702545,0.0,0.0,0.3104455967961526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722335561091978,0.16867199459884913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911755725630653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323503339939789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692123538824693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261340451586326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007917009110502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038341491141348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922820215151927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678481359869132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368349785897814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921950640864916,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thegeneraldisarray,2018/04/03,"I can't do it anymore. I was a crackhead over 12 years. I fucked my entire middle age up (started late 20's got clean in mid 40's). I was born with a birth defect (PE) that I had to have corrected to live. My parents would have done NOTHING if it weren't for my life on the line.  
I ran around on my own since age 14. I met men just by talking to calls with the wrong number. I came and went as I pleased. Until my cop dad moved us to a different city because he thought he'd be appointed Chief. He was not.  
He rolled up on me all the time out of protecting his rep, which ruined mine.  
I had SO much potential. I had SO much love inside me. HAD.  
There's nothing for me anymore. I've traveled a bit, and done every drug imaginable, and had my fist up a man's ass. I have LITERALLY done just about everything other than harm another person or animal or child willingly.  
My dad died. I found out he shot himself in the head this last Christmas.   
I just want to not exist anymore. No throwaway, check my history, I hate this world and what it's become in the name of tolerance and diversity. I USED to be a coveted employee, now I am barely getting calls on my resume. I USED to like running around my city at all hours and having fun, now bars are empty because of smoking regulations and I get stressed just walking around due to arrogant blacks who turn left and try to run me over, who overtake our property with no compunction, who bitch me out when I don't give them money.  
I am fucking DONE.  
My dad had the right idea. I cut, but when I go at least I will go into some ghetto alley and make someone else clean my shit up other than those who I care about. Let the nigs hoot and holler over another dead white woman. No one will care. 
  
I suck. The world sucks. You, however, dear reader are an awesome person. Thanks for listening to an old racist bitch. Edit: if anyone wants to talk please comment! I need to feel helpful.",2.3361402714932105,4.129067853846152,3.7091704374057315,88.90004524886879,76.87179487179486,6.947209653092006,24.29110105580694,7.827709963407826,1.1973182503770738,1493,50,316,23,34,490,228,390,0.138,0.742,0.12,-0.8008,4,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,2,1,1,1,16,21,9,1,16,0,33,9,3,3,3,49,64,21,2,6,11,4,1,1,0,4,2,1,2,6,15,21,1,1,5,2,2,10,8,14,0,1,21,4,52,7,51,35,8,56,0,1,2,4,36,29,8,5,18,205,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952230309296089,0.0,0.0,0.2769566378056738,0.06508971475154403,0.0,0.0,0.2486057744238196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349189520209102,0.10280904701730828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162864335913932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010774060395788,0.10646856129941434,0.1898200669996856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661127180703824,0.09725777591511199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810478369921411,0.0,0.0,0.10795322433858112,0.0,0.07776358188187141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843116184097329,0.0,0.0836620328525431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706839403720076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206684700794602,0.0,0.17211782459020353,0.0972699046333258,0.08929906911038096,0.10580879518836972,0.0,0.07445145861381001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190572202146463,0.09553576144329172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239532752006938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167352143899768,0.0,0.0,0.10508570057629267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587963478493195,0.10500799741219544,0.0,0.10114103815963578,0.09518940222069304,0.06575123236308555,0.04547838872126768,0.0,0.08219894079504968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840160974883209,0.0,0.062137364503556884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893845168574447,0.13686166637537106,0.06902401866578546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864204795815056,0.0,0.09768082833353957,0.0,0.06307924568819928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336387593443512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256275288208488,0.0,0.20436666144713905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949715725498611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555411196275676,0.07700385330701005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887367016690361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588859143307876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663267877492676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964218388351866,0.0,0.08570347763034895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073901951680594,0.0542807122709125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320105008238054,0.1012536676237661,0.0,0.0,0.1119741261910732,0.16079732733015145,0.0,0.0,0.10981213829268817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629406642397856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612747183072648,0.10177777270469626,0.0,0.0599460074882304
suicidewatch,leigha6-9,2018/04/03,"Bulimia Isn't Killing Me Fast Enough So I've been trying to commit suicide via eating disorder for the past year and three months. I went from 152 lbs to 111.6 lbs at 5'10"" very quickly, and have plateaud in the 111.6 lbs - 120 lbs range. I do everything I'm supposed to - binge possibly to the point of nearing stomach rupture, purge, rinse my stomach (the most dangerous part of bulimia. Bulimics call it ""flushing""), and repeat 3 - 4 times daily.

Around June 2017 (5 months in), flushing directly caused numbness in my chest that traveled through my arms and caused my hands to sieze up. This happens almost every time I flush out my stomach (flushing involves the use of water to thoroughly clean any food from the stomach, which also rinses out stomach acid/bile, causing a rapid loss of electrolytes that can result in sudden heart failure). But in the last 3 months, a new symptom has come up - now, flushing causes a brief loss of mental functioning and temporary blinding. Writing becomes impossible, it's just scribble. This really terrifies me - I'm trying to die, not to have (and survive) a massive stroke which leaves me disabled.

So I've been trying to aggravate a cardiac response by exercising in FL heat, drinking tons of coffee and black tea, and completely fasting on some days. It's not working. My heart tightens, my left arm hurts briefly, but it always passes. I pass out when standing too long, but falling over only brings me back into consciousness thanks to blood coming back into my head. I am too scared to kill myself a more direct way, like hanging, gunshot to the head, cutting, or anything painful like that. So I'm going the more indirect and unpredictable route of starving myself to death.

What the heck else do I need to do? I don't even know what my body is surviving on at this point. It just won't give up. ",6.559501206757844,7.6023296283185875,6.152878787878787,78.39477272727275,65.40117994100295,8.641512469831055,35.17310270850093,8.710501217029153,3.0616064896755155,1460,67,249,21,22,452,208,339,0.134,0.81,0.056,-0.9776,0,0,1,1,0,3,57.0,0,0,0,5,15,13,4,1,16,0,14,26,15,6,1,40,28,18,5,1,8,0,2,2,0,1,6,1,1,0,15,17,5,0,2,3,0,11,5,10,0,1,3,5,22,3,47,24,7,58,0,3,2,0,4,24,1,5,23,151,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028684972313604,0.0,0.0,0.08215253817284779,0.08547895929114163,0.0,0.0,0.06985940768740427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084537413541178,0.09145080575669956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798489288622178,0.0,0.0,0.11345637739833316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410902985178635,0.0,0.0,0.10489804248781656,0.0,0.0,0.4221249207904896,0.0,0.17698429242060934,0.10770965633513968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625186288322199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661673493799548,0.0,0.11773661203610605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063554829321486,0.0,0.1051176615386108,0.08581710024362386,0.0,0.0,0.10614676883835268,0.0,0.06785169585878217,0.0,0.08655381754604838,0.0,0.09232641920736667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422060789502053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854725026875827,0.0583833959521752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084312994128346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085968054002915,0.0,0.0,0.24346929414878216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099737788741706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730937261322826,0.0,0.05645730511789177,0.08373804378867129,0.0,0.10877543495615632,0.11161562264035943,0.0,0.0,0.10037663773616284,0.0,0.0,0.09091214697888128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352691434073027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459925039896819,0.0,0.0,0.07617243169248065,0.0,0.09921654262617684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813021813588979,0.1093111570508356,0.0,0.0,0.11124575881802852,0.09806668609473072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422467851962374,0.11581178565193084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581098332667883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028498930796829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236911774720308,0.0,0.0,0.10677501736076107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457928445481524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980449494531695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092392371532341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872508200149745,0.0,0.08476238380169514,0.0,0.08154169110405557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523103706804573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478811209458701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615426410832265
suicidewatch,Guts1019,2018/04/03,I can't handle life. I'm not capable of holding a job. Whats the point in living as a homeless person I cant fucking do it. I'm too retarded to work fast enough to keep a job. I'll never be able to live on my ow nand my parents baout to give me the boot. I have no future I should just eat shit and die,-1.5357394366197177,0.16126702816901786,1.831813380281691,97.73673415492958,89.98591549295773,4.676760563380283,17.325704225352112,5.985473137389443,-0.5133535211267604,233,6,60,2,8,84,55,71,0.227,0.773,0.0,-0.9391,3,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,5,0,6,4,1,0,1,7,11,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,9,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,3,35,9,3,0.2271492470200019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357450561656524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243038757314766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347058929928101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999581863578898,0.0,0.2179022558052443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450821155927104,0.20190068762883934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044223077153644,0.0,0.0,0.4011538933715685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519150260871724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522223575146822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983379609429708,0.0,0.0,0.21472945955901235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23316543784364144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536735716503645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tastyf,2018/04/03,"Strong urge to kill myself. But i can't man-up enough There is no point in suffering anymore. But i am afraid to kill myself, in case if i fail i'm fucked",-0.5564705882352925,1.4707548235294112,1.26029411764706,101.16632352941177,89.0,4.576470588235295,14.382352941176471,5.985473137389443,-1.0070352941176468,120,2,30,1,4,39,26,34,0.482,0.448,0.07,-0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,5,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33631468422727345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350400329401146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135098274890689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7503693226963712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205768393890002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lakenlulu,2018/04/03,"I want to die and i dont know why I just want to be happy but everything i do takes me closer to the edge and im almost over it 
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suicidewatch,zeemanchoo,2018/04/03,"A poem ,I’m not sure if this is allowed but this is my goodbye I have all these”friends” yet none of them talk to me , they all say I’m “im here for you” but never wanna walk w me.

I’m heartless and that’s a fact I dumped my gf and my grandad died but to no surprise I felt nothing now this deep nothingness is going to be my demise 

I smoke weed to numb the pain the anxiety still gets to me fucks up my brain , my life is a one way lane and it slowing down now like a train 

The last stop is the bridge I’ve already bought the rope it’s in my bag , I tried to talk to people but they just call me a fag and say “man up” deal with it or think I’m havin a laugh 

I’m sorry mum you mean the world to me I’m sorry I won’t be , there for you when u need , a hug a kiss or a cup of tea 

This numbness to world it has to stop , soon there will be a noose and slipnot on the bridge I hope it don’t snap and I hit a rock, or maybe I do then I will feel , because pain is the only that is real

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suicidewatch,htmnnew,2018/04/03,Can you buy antidepressants without a prescription? I really don’t want to have a few hour talk with the doc. Just wanna try and see if it helps.,2.080919540229882,4.455093413793102,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,80.3793103448276,8.004597701149425,20.011494252873558,8.841846274778883,1.3785080459770116,115,3,24,3,3,38,28,29,0.0,0.846,0.154,0.4902,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044015068812123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472379451516177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909347047509108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618920160296501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650217738859294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30833230060958594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678644515439927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377762464084901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AvatarSeeker,2018/04/03,"I don't know what to do anymore My mom passed away nine years ago and since then I've suffered with severe anxiety and depression. I've been in and out of therapy/counselling the entire time to try and come to terms with it but I'm at breaking point and I don't know what to do. I'm so lonely, I don't have any friends that I can hang out with and I haven't been in a relationship for 4 years. I struggled with being bullied at university, so I locked myself in my room. I didn't talk to people for over five days and was constantly inside my own head.

It's sounds sad and weird, but I spend my time creating my own friends and relationships in my head to help me get through it all. I haven't had any friends for the past 4 years and when I do try to make some, I'm constantly conflicted because I struggle to get close to people. I hate moaning, whining and feeling sorry for myself but I'm at the point now where I want to just kill myself. I try and think it'll all get better but it never does. I'm never happy, my positive outlook is now constantly negative. No matter how hard I've tried losing weight, getting a better job, being more trusting and talkative, I just end up being the one who lands flat on their face. 

I spent the day contemplating who would get what of my belongings. I considered writing a will as well. All of these thoughts are normal now and I feel like I'm that far gone that no one can help me. 

Thank you for reading until the end. 

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suicidewatch,deadshine,2018/04/03,"Today I have always helped others overcome their depression or loneliness. But today was day I felt so tired of life. I been struggling with depression and loneliness. Even though I am married, today I have caused that marriage to breakdown as I took pictures of myself naked on my laptop to see how I looked. I am ashamed of weight I have put on. I struggled all my life with it been my comfort as I was bullied because of my dyslexia and I was abused by a teacher when I was 5.
    My wife thinks I am pervert and that I am having an affair. I hardly talk to anyone nowadays and never cheated on her.
   I tried to reach out to her to make her understand and I tried reaching out to my mum but no one listened.
  Just so tired that when I finish work in an hr I am going for long walk and than just end it. It is scary as I am atheist and I know after I do this it is end just total darkness. But today I am so tired of life that it doesn't hold fear for me anymore.
   I am sorry I cant help others anymore to over come this ",1.40823943661972,3.2841555868544603,3.133453051643194,91.56609507042252,79.98591549295773,5.1989671361502365,23.326056338028174,5.985473137389443,0.42483492957746494,792,27,168,5,20,263,114,213,0.218,0.738,0.044,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,11,8,1,4,3,0,23,7,0,3,3,30,34,21,0,0,7,2,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,13,12,1,1,4,0,0,5,4,7,0,1,8,6,38,1,30,26,2,25,0,2,2,0,12,7,0,1,13,134,51,2,0.0,0.14134457361581546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926264951446333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661634177593796,0.08341354614448314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272087052155886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122548397907581,0.0,0.10276172015779816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693513701609919,0.0,0.20549649900280764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131918399297084,0.0,0.0,0.07879294695262201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423957170090373,0.0,0.0,0.11454150753264568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779786064224441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686451449019199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992128867555022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556118297323693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527838757187718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557195194007543,0.1001774045799077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963006046498401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200733665832206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083709678335907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992400526206395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506233749926704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354051883498752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494251994862597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588446698664492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643915185813192,0.11720632206882435,0.0,0.0,0.4113347225194005,0.4523092635953698,0.0,0.13254067108812262,0.1619863822586927,0.0,0.0,0.12418986801323285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526866390037196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868478771882137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Omar-Medhat,2018/04/03,"My Mother is stressing me out beyond reason Im studying at a university abroad
And I have failed or got a really bad grade my first semester subjects due to starting a month late and searching for accommodation for atleast 2 weeks or I would have stayed on the streets. I have been doing my absolute best to pass but the subject were very difficult on my own....I have tried studying and watching old lectures and everything but the syllabus was too long in several cases ( mathematics was much more difficult and longer than abitur according to our professor) and exams were just too hard for me in my situation so I failed.
The thing is she linked this with studying with my friends which I only recently started doing it because they were very helpful and my progress increased significantly. She now commands me to just cut all relations with any friends that I have made whom for the first time in my life are ones who i looked forward to seeing them the next day because I enjoy there company. On top of that she demands excellent grades in future not knowing how hard it is or how hard I have worked. I dont know how to deal with her anymore she just shouts or demands things I cannot fullfill atleast as of now which gets me so much stress, fear and tears. How to deal with that?
Please note that I by no means hate her but appreciate how hard she works and sacrifices for me but I just still cant just accept this.
Also I have got in high school pretty competitive grades that allowed to be offered places at different universties",7.166555488174652,7.485353312714777,6.697566201738429,77.53275318374773,63.98281786941582,10.00857085102082,35.330705478067514,9.773937934552695,3.3053867394380427,1238,53,229,23,17,385,167,291,0.147,0.715,0.138,0.2083,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,10,20,16,2,3,9,0,24,1,0,8,1,44,36,26,0,1,14,1,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,15,15,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,10,0,3,9,8,37,6,35,25,6,38,1,2,3,0,19,17,0,4,19,166,52,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973950422108319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631107632798864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128862657330713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369610035573048,0.13681228849735474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177643062894377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237036689425794,0.23138059322566595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172423711262884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315169164910715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008529653550663,0.0,0.0,0.12627477421258798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909026158124649,0.0,0.0,0.1733963978390404,0.0,0.058628496030964025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949959187453549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020958132570081,0.11079057348869302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521636266944101,0.11856290619713215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212130895687042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233425207211076,0.0,0.12658511350881094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926184116581157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930808200221238,0.0942336077525325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061819770750507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223667912566867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957014938759762,0.0,0.1649840964505367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934353373669092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775235264890155,0.0,0.07604081281682958,0.08534571415734002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172423711262884,0.12318003235103292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416453541763215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188877114925306,0.11537726412061175,0.11080026784406362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356910124621515,0.08942203146019104,0.0,0.0,0.12677271756560524,0.0,0.0,0.1261360613405481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885484974544026,0.11960787106644533,0.08961625155640897,0.0,0.2570872710482722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491033287661926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543435065408232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761876456623583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518074956995856,0.0,0.0,0.09001331724849157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338991467015276,0.0,0.0,0.07971539058006111,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marvbeans,2018/04/03,"i think this is it everything is too much. everything i hear is so fucking loud. and my nose is bleeding from the screaming. im sick of my family. my sister told me to kill myself. and out of all the bullshit ideas that have come out of her mouth, this one is amazing. i want to die. this isn’t the first time. and if i pussy out again, this wont be the last. thank you everyone on reddit that has given me spurts of happiness to get through the day. i love you all. i give thanks to my boyfriend who has showed so much love and understanding for whats been going on in my head. i know i never said it but, izak i love you. thanks to everyone who tried. but i was a goner from the start.

i can’t deal with this anymore
goodbye guys <3",0.1658136200716811,2.3479971548387084,1.6999462365591391,98.21214157706095,87.12903225806451,5.250896057347671,18.288530465949822,6.691623216298621,-0.15425448028673827,569,15,135,7,18,183,95,155,0.073,0.775,0.152,0.9144,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,3,0,1,4,11,2,0,7,0,14,9,3,0,3,20,34,9,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,12,9,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,3,0,2,5,5,23,8,20,27,4,15,0,0,0,4,16,6,1,1,7,94,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411716688243398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517924892213353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937185817112453,0.14981726612150492,0.0,0.0,0.15081793553012887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27771661552827,0.26120627212683384,0.0,0.13699359890675433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360806754684625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434485690488676,0.07592305706994111,0.1394030012863241,0.0825880032048062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388842465260945,0.0,0.15469452787682866,0.0,0.0,0.14913897768527734,0.0,0.1637848099641632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404719778773405,0.15696920337318931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607736830625759,0.0,0.07986339300698814,0.11845418917474472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934675779797621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365202620635604,0.0,0.11207879043411118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847175626145653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823142348372575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285737004655744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013699847501697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311439710382992,0.0,0.0,0.08473654068186649,0.0,0.0,0.138858307764135,0.0,0.0986619026794191,0.0,0.0,0.1512819596418138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571277286635255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dont_be_a_frog,2018/04/03,"I don’t know what to do Hi, I am sorry for mistakes, English is not my mother language.

I am a girl and I turned 14 few weeks ago. I started thinking about suicide about a year ago due to bullying at school. I love my mother and I am pretty sure she loves me too, but sometimes she probably doesn’t know how to make me behave better.

I find it very hard to talk to people and I am not good at anything. I can’t even do what I like (horseriding) because we can’t afford it. I am one of the top students in my class, but now I am too tired to learn and I cheat in all the tests. I have been struggling with depression a lot and I don’t think someone noticed. I don’t have friends and I will never find someone to love, neither to marry- I think I am gay and my country is really homophobic. I am also quite ugly.

A year ago, my mom started coughing. It never stopped and she acts like nothing is happening. I think she may be really ill and it makes me very worried and depressed too. I am scared. I love my mother but she sometimes beats me and shouts at me really bad words. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her for example that I fell bad or something hurts me(for example: once I broke 3 of my fingers and she refused to take me to the hospital). She says that not having friends is my fault because I don’t talk with them and I don’t want them as friends. That’s not true, I really try but my classmates don’t like me. They already have enough friends.

When I come from school, I am just home laying on the bed playing games on iPad. I used to read a lot but I lost all interest in doing something. I think about suicide all the time and I really want to kill myself but I am worried about my mom (I live only with her), grandparents and my two guinea pigs. 

I think it would really hurt my mom if I killed myself but I just can’t live like this anymore.

sorry for the long post",1.2867014865407818,3.2419064936386803,2.9457111289674565,92.36371735636808,80.7557251908397,5.765340832998527,23.064751573590463,6.8360192770164,0.6295180661577606,1464,50,320,16,38,483,178,393,0.239,0.616,0.145,-0.9941,2,0,2,0,0,3,40.0,1,0,3,5,15,33,3,2,11,0,38,9,1,4,7,67,62,29,4,5,15,6,2,4,4,3,3,2,2,1,11,20,0,2,11,3,0,3,18,15,0,2,2,4,77,18,34,56,8,30,0,6,0,5,36,9,0,5,21,222,88,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857082542860155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239998451910031,0.05971341457318781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405238031492614,0.0,0.0,0.06144688568365865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469233328165162,0.09103603783705536,0.0,0.0,0.08412729810609113,0.0,0.06603937287756509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432142366690191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862598401552378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715386711379521,0.0,0.0493187007294246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649369457817512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075881863914866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262948816760723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603026029331736,0.0,0.06688947694653594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489990072742607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987113718329055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522214778886854,0.0,0.08207314201532152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591957633716054,0.0,0.13186960832858036,0.06608042603463651,0.0,0.0,0.08151091073118233,0.12696319278099455,0.26956965045826803,0.0,0.09968534679886963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623571128363418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517991081845687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164768994406404,0.0850120657539511,0.0,0.07952090335816996,0.050598191060060985,0.05678975001875172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176663967455978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151303074364851,0.07596603404620599,0.08050667698798428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942052689998415,0.0746900098236513,0.0,0.2870123274282932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938042446307491,0.07475749917006187,0.15113965436475704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653496373244752,0.1149689249480776,0.1477006891642726,0.16717346255966312,0.10570334193558392,0.0,0.0,0.0624272988961555,0.0,0.07806109076765863,0.0,0.16335329041555516,0.0,0.07037540575456971,0.0,0.05614239917042848,0.12003351860308532,0.06526469912684672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28707236880750764,0.0,0.0,0.043540562674699815,0.08582195430831069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069589486012231,0.08121930381481521,0.07294154769609343,0.0,0.0,0.0644907354347156,0.0,0.12322081524768128,0.08808436900961128,0.0,0.059895612045338935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166161924249055,0.0,0.05304328575120942,0.0,0.0,0.09616981012012216
suicidewatch,ponely,2018/04/03,"A reason to be proud Seeing this subreddit makes me smile, anyone that posts here should be proud of themselves, instead of taking the easy but unsatisfying way out, you've all decided to seek help, maybe some people are too shy or scared to talk about suicide with people in real life, so it is understandable to talk about this anonymously on the internet. I've seen some poeple here say that others talking to them won't make them feel better and that this subreddit is useless, thing is, you might not feel comfort talking to strangers, the point is to see some light, a bit of hope, some ideas of motivations and goals. I hope you can all find a reason to give life another chance.✌️🙏👍",7.653684210526317,7.089772263157894,7.168872180451128,77.50639097744363,63.21052631578947,10.306766917293233,32.53383458646616,9.606745405546679,2.7603714285714283,553,18,106,9,7,173,90,133,0.126,0.723,0.152,0.2347,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,2,5,7,8,0,1,6,0,11,2,0,5,2,29,23,5,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,6,6,18,17,7,6,0,1,3,0,11,4,0,8,0,66,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526759582320682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353618089183923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095865743690802,0.161657515980656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497404552447631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533616546980942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420452464444997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925030308679013,0.0,0.0,0.29414007324689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715654916515982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917687268384574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976799387104337,0.0,0.14875936940331422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708219950828012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531053934655366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399769767836431,0.0,0.14181313491264394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853964826597298,0.0,0.30448769461562303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775370247890125,0.14824704260597207,0.0,0.2359902396255131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196797962015408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113325717716503,0.4760623173339789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837321326165577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414935863390505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753356462802082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tychxn,2018/04/03,A reason Can someone please give me a reason on why I should continue living. I feel like I’m on the brink of actually attempting again. Everything just does not seem like it’s working for me and I feel like giving up....,2.6959090909090904,4.761581318181824,4.522727272727273,82.22909090909094,76.72727272727272,8.036363636363637,24.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,1.9651090909090918,174,6,34,4,4,59,34,44,0.0,0.7240000000000001,0.276,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,8,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.2154091336919774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316992787651696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983857143284464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322424294472587,0.3153915492608573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235053586506228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235253432896184,0.0,0.19491632023105812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230481099813506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539123044968466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009522262490181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870311880342004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918234713992525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607004058918028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,James_lg,2018/04/03,"no one wants or likes me, not even the people on Reddit I’ve tried everything. No one cares about me or even wants to be with me. I think it’s time I just remove myself from this world. I can’t do it anything more I’m not build for this life... ",0.367777777777782,1.9302254074074088,1.9516296296296325,100.30633333333336,81.96296296296295,5.060740740740742,14.503703703703707,5.6839178017228535,-1.1372029629629627,188,2,48,1,5,61,40,54,0.083,0.8079999999999999,0.109,0.34,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,8,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,7,2,6,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611775467722332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32359111452630696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41925435677306105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852416067721204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241756090190853,0.1550563407313518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301312024245984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200320456344836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033649500622783,0.0,0.0,0.18506743210722248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548088733341705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743991115407917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,killmeplz888,2018/04/03,"I'm going to kill myself. See ya Reddit. You all made it worse. I need you to know that. I have answered hundreds of posts on my main username helping and encouraging people. I've never treated others the way I've been treated on here. Thank you for reminding me the world is evil and that no one fucking cares about me. This will be my last post so go ahead and send all your hate in the comments and PM's. I'm sure my bfs will find them when he goes through my phone after I die. Thank you for reminding me that the world isn't ever going to be fair, that there's no such thing as karma, and that people are basically bad. I needed this last push so thank you again",2.1173501199040783,3.810667683453236,3.2742625899280604,92.21892386091127,77.20143884892086,5.784412470023981,20.93585131894484,6.42735559955562,0.1261937649880096,524,13,115,4,12,169,90,139,0.172,0.6940000000000001,0.135,-0.8387,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,7,1,1,10,13,4,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,5,16,25,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,5,0,1,2,1,20,8,14,19,3,21,1,0,1,1,14,5,1,0,8,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146005598732694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273673067743492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583299281592255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325164156518298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484837895632655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662764628079714,0.0,0.0,0.2888587963324379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672688689185136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135598048796645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744002667563345,0.0,0.09310974427207733,0.2762026216705239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603109239856756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124811114023626,0.13066847178319496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480453933035728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349113711778323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245183425983271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500717243122148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967796216765798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679422602957256,0.0,0.0,0.11255625983943322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344790721122335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265520255616695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VapingWax,2018/04/03,"I guess in the back of my mind i always wanted to be a well known musician so people would actually care if I killed myself. And now it's blatantly obvious that it's not materializing without effort, it's possible it still might happen of course. Idk why I romanticized it so much, I just wanted someone to give a shit about me. I still have a handful of followers on my SoundCloud and late last night I had a weird thought about putting out a clear ""I'm going to kill myself"" message on there somehow. I decided against it mainly because I don't think a single person would actually care, let alone do anything. Anyway, I'm going to work. I wish anyone cared who could actually help me. All my friends are multiple states away, my family is a fucking Trainwreck which I need to escape as soon as possible, and I'm chronically fucking ill and nobody fucking cares. Down a bunch of drugs and get to the next thing seems to be the same of the game.",6.1246044226044205,6.3407520648648665,7.042604422604422,74.52562653562656,66.18918918918922,9.97051597051597,33.03439803439804,9.800150414767053,3.116891891891892,752,30,141,15,11,252,118,185,0.11,0.737,0.153,0.743,1,1,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,14,14,6,0,12,0,13,8,2,0,4,31,37,10,2,8,4,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,1,0,4,3,7,1,0,2,1,19,7,24,28,6,20,0,0,0,3,7,6,4,5,9,103,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.3253248880936898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150916249015478,0.0,0.0,0.09246461156731037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770093969310922,0.0,0.0914461192650502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440526752977483,0.08544799723445798,0.0,0.06774055577302374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531959506900328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872399145650336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288693153139038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475843103729487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585462963646012,0.3081988473826116,0.058058043599655274,0.10660089094079048,0.1263093999614899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241633128129885,0.0,0.09826716180492813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448451109787209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458859234902889,0.0,0.0,0.0905814221012436,0.12535344647559113,0.0,0.0,0.11363248448093308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178856937325555,0.11220421934204597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168940458506836,0.0823975205944349,0.0,0.0,0.11818232692447594,0.10428295708874606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703984104258041,0.09702975889702346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25055269423085125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171096699909383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116370863846744,0.0,0.0,0.1140678572549843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941555561029308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748857952459796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382628029371098,0.07120418928639388,0.0,0.0882205600785905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108839649430373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991440670216983,0.0,0.10027271311251737,0.0,0.12778786437776246,0.10712019798483627,0.0,0.0809000693506934,0.0,0.0,0.15787952736895874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbyssalBlack2,2018/04/03,"I've given up I have suffered from depression for a long enough time now to have completely given up. I'm only 16 and I feel like my life is already doomed to fail. I'm not even able to try anymore, my body has just given up.


School is impossible for me, even the smallest tests and school days stress me out to the point of being sick or crying. I go to a therapist and I've tried medications, but nothing works. The medication has even made it worse for me at this point. (I have stopped taking the meds, since me, my parents and the therapist agreed that it was making me worse)

I've ""quit"" school like 3 or 4 times and just sat at home staring at nothing the entire day for 4 weeks in a row. I don't know what it's called in English (I'm norwegian), but i was once held in a place since I didn't go to school for like 4 weeks. It completely fucked me up and i now basically have some sort of ptsd (self diagnosed, so it's probably complete bullshit) thing or whatever. I basically just get horrified to the point of freaking out completely and just losing all control of myself when a person that could make me go back tells me that i might have to. I currently go to a school that's supposed to have a lot less tests, but I'm not able to focus so it doesn't help.


I don't want to kill myself, because i have friends, i have family. I have all these things that should make me happy, but since I just don't function that well (My entire body hurts all the time) I am 99% sure I'm never going to be able to get a job or anything like that in the future. Even the smallest tasks like making rice or something stresses me out enough to make me cry.

I know that I'm young and ""i have my whole life ahead of me"" and all that garbage, but I really just feel like that i won't be able to work or anything because everything just stresses me out so much.


I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting this as I can't help myself, so why would anyone be able to help me?",4.107576370997421,4.204313997607656,5.077129186602871,87.2968273831432,70.50717703349281,8.344644828855357,27.08170776591829,8.139509932561175,1.4203581891792414,1553,46,351,20,26,510,172,418,0.158,0.753,0.09,-0.9833,3,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,0,7,22,22,2,3,18,0,35,9,2,7,6,63,69,26,1,4,21,1,2,6,1,4,6,0,1,2,23,13,0,3,6,0,0,5,12,12,1,0,9,3,46,10,46,51,11,43,1,6,1,1,9,19,1,10,24,224,69,11,0.3202432474241229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067927737706645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703809980686212,0.044784304925065625,0.0,0.10541316245479372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924945796663895,0.0,0.07808692449575481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228722168636207,0.0,0.0,0.0654008321923163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26861516163315224,0.0,0.07183600656443914,0.051137634927590735,0.0,0.14070886793239304,0.08261216061028402,0.0,0.05516500794987396,0.06500803101361688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235875240207626,0.0,0.2115176446376346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756279627620078,0.0,0.06037936655046312,0.0,0.06476984325223631,0.09151273597896792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049483827712430976,0.0592119443825323,0.06692555169060073,0.0,0.182001617519662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818097835639354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879137898627094,0.0,0.06424601764095438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856540395918154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355840174494604,0.0,0.07086034105805684,0.0,0.14079785095987812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047891054945564,0.18774560949621644,0.0,0.0,0.0566810393006102,0.0,0.07165405576346953,0.0,0.05445187139061766,0.0,0.060604380774098125,0.21376485438517226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114361084318102,0.1290445521925721,0.0,0.06794549557924921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708312690340853,0.0,0.049398266956691264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291281316463645,0.0,0.0,0.06820972137954907,0.0,0.04871188407589088,0.0,0.0,0.0711184456062559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592481025857224,0.06691720665149724,0.0,0.1816400283486295,0.0,0.061340901524482475,0.0,0.06905527697302727,0.0,0.07486944377634681,0.0,0.0,0.06812362263121012,0.0,0.0,0.041031204919380164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324103263364219,0.0,0.0,0.06681670990408914,0.0,0.0,0.15894511414298476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930777950731728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354753887799133,0.2201025347612057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060365094154815516,0.0,0.0481566134598107,0.0,0.0559813427082371,0.0,0.0,0.14873083720221822,0.08510215349300661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120418477405894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869696574728508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037777552909436914,0.0,0.10275192652349044,0.0,0.0575874278204362,0.0,0.11558788805981067,0.07150802984066927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325635928137206,0.0,0.13054209130848687,0.045498322948491515,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bilmby,2018/04/03,"What should I do? this may sound unusual, and apologies about any long windedness but:
I recently moved to a new city. on top of the usual stresses of getting a job (still looking), trying to make friends, and getting ahead in life, i've found myself more and more anxious and depressed. in high school, i had untreated depression and anxiety issues that went away in college. but now i have them again, only worse. I feel sometimes like i will throw up with tears from panic or sadness. 
the reason i'm posting this in this thread over, say, r/depression is that i often think about killing myself, and envision myself doing so on a daily basis. the thing is though, i do not have any plan of going through with this. on the contrary, i find it soothing. there is somethign i find comforting in the thought of my problems not 'mattering' on a cosmic level. 
i know, however, that this is a short term solution that could go south real quick. i don't know what to do to make myself feel better. i don't want to pay a million dollars for a shrink, and i don't want to burden my friends or family with my problems right now. i'm having trouble motivating myself to stay healthy (which would realistically help) and i'm worried that if i don't find a job in my field soon i might try and do something i regret. what should I do? i know i need help but how can i do that while also keeping it from people?",5.038300892133009,5.796369383211683,5.634987834549879,81.77495539334956,68.67153284671535,8.278669910786697,30.55068937550689,8.344100000000001,2.1874913219789143,1097,42,212,15,18,355,152,274,0.196,0.6659999999999999,0.139,-0.9614,3,0,2,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,5,14,16,1,2,13,0,27,1,0,5,0,52,50,20,1,11,8,0,2,1,2,6,1,2,0,0,18,12,0,1,13,0,2,5,6,11,0,1,4,5,31,5,34,39,3,39,0,4,1,0,7,19,0,6,14,156,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121229669880616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512696656504274,0.0,0.08725420637692685,0.12885329407905627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107161428023117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008752039347662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106618707411726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947144666167143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075239145785076,0.0,0.11534250011212425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127413694988461,0.0,0.0,0.1250589228002299,0.17624215582063618,0.0,0.1191813977890176,0.0,0.1296438004792831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290160666606925,0.12050874440851694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904712150236316,0.22637031656363504,0.10138016366815347,0.1261884927620523,0.0,0.1880502019691766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056267566955351,0.05572307238734516,0.0,0.0,0.1009379126706505,0.09578015684316166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522694606183945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099771958607144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122580988887145,0.0,0.08457270577795034,0.0,0.11015811470618236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674639635307801,0.0,0.13382271569046508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907359059678147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923622145281536,0.0,0.0,0.21827657591995486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982319552347724,0.0,0.11727082000964875,0.11261870669579163,0.0,0.0,0.0974050746489216,0.0,0.09070365399367064,0.0,0.1154329818132964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780757027932093,0.11280647053065153,0.0,0.0,0.12157085909843995,0.09108702122824544,0.0,0.13065327610107427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577519610926506,0.0730838853794636,0.11206159670275276,0.090549465775995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487605377935434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561898689810025,0.0,0.1345489561777521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573308872952727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583163273314817,0.11623504416051067,0.0810236686747988,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mileena_irl,2018/04/03,"Maybe when you die You can reroll everything in your life and get to build a new body for yourself in the next life. On the likely chance there is no next life, that's fine too.",2.4309909909909915,3.889397324324329,2.2956756756756747,100.57072072072071,75.75675675675676,6.014414414414415,17.738738738738736,6.42735559955562,-0.5936774774774771,139,2,34,1,3,41,31,37,0.149,0.758,0.093,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908353270055423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717393444693257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353169101192294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679594330590408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548171485439509,0.12791745008099709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304453289565144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528781083891736,0.5569206914790504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eaurdien,2018/04/03,"Not sure I can make it through the next day It’s so difficult for me to be writing this, I recently went through a breakup this guy was the love of my life and the reason he broke up with me was cause I’m pregnant with his child. This has made it even more difficult I have paranoia as he was chatting up another girl online while we were together all this and being pregnant has caused me to seriously self harm and push him away I’ve pushed him away so much that there’s no point in me going on anymore, he doesn’t want me he doesn’t want our baby and I can’t deal with all these different emotions coming together. I just want to go to sleep and my heart stop beating I can’t bear feeling this way anymore.",2.717409909909911,4.2469558310810855,3.651081081081081,90.85315315315316,75.14864864864866,7.095495495495496,26.52252252252252,7.793537801064563,1.333687387387387,565,21,124,8,12,181,95,148,0.17,0.768,0.062,-0.9478,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,14,4,2,5,3,26,26,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,10,10,0,1,2,1,0,6,6,5,0,0,6,1,18,2,18,18,4,19,0,1,0,1,17,7,0,0,5,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173592954663708,0.0,0.0,0.32484832287244153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30775039081492483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364910574830858,0.0,0.14108058724176673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562351713351878,0.1688483360091542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111356660006705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422865285992926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817408670773136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281127860534704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861580747861286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216636241291207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407818922267706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156815254321392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781639779212472,0.1549710794094008,0.1093233518789517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203959665125314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418018342825625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482352319307327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839146955642798,0.16171140884397647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085658700182613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389667598155547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692607355516145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435920110613627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898022260293432,0.1299996684260247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518242150130815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bignigga89,2018/04/03,Life advice Does anyone else have that empty feeling and your heart hurts and you can't do anything but watch yourself slowly die from the inside out the depression is eating away slowly and I can't deal with it anymore I want it all to end ,2.504375000000003,5.00408235416667,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,79.625,4.673333333333334,20.016666666666666,5.6839178017228535,0.03178666666666663,195,5,36,1,5,61,40,48,0.254,0.6970000000000001,0.049,-0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,0,1,9,7,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,7,1,3,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343679582693496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572085323183371,0.1813456806766689,0.26573784551151064,0.2134254593169488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436707249770341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673816032374061,0.22338039929262307,0.0,0.2691675161546229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269615991234299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653829145751382,0.21665619125930072,0.0,0.22970981952298936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311366932182071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073346093559291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776428008127744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318872703203426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297314668886028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kcbear27,2018/04/03,"Sorry if im in the wrong spot. Just a quick question. I suffer from depression and anxiety pretty severely and am thankful for a decent support system. I don’t want to end my life, but sometimes in my really dark nights I yearn to speak with someone anonymous just to get through a really rough few hours or something. Im curious if there is a hotline esque thing akin to the suicide hotline that is for what might be considered a “non emergency” relative to someone close to putting themselved in danger. I don’t necessarily need something immediately but if such a resource exists I would love to have it on deck. Again i am sorry if this post does not fit here and will remove it if need be. Thank you to everyone and im sending my love. ",5.9006250000000025,6.481879479166667,6.793055555555558,74.85750000000002,66.70833333333334,9.733333333333334,34.75,9.725611199111238,3.4147833333333337,591,27,107,12,9,197,94,144,0.181,0.664,0.155,-0.3105,0,0,2,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,0,0,7,10,1,0,8,0,12,3,0,0,0,24,21,12,1,10,11,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,0,2,10,5,17,16,1,16,0,3,0,2,6,6,0,8,5,74,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793995275026094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152791604493005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234762327000914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497137506284238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482564647313794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371813337275641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895358293329516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572317204911941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966203082108052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546937782431248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496831921041177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924547353507664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241136735822187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351333428132799,0.14354788231154628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184294636630998,0.15806259207229928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078260157945453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940112290433595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391045723291687,0.21724901023388205,0.13955000686616853,0.3158963980472101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433883841766172,0.16011688561290618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980905063202964,0.0,0.0,0.09373956199134824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322354059175736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023231350738933,0.1542690403760572,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charliewiz,2018/04/03,"I want to attempt and fail, and I want people to know about it. I’ve come very VERY close to attempting suicide multiple times in my life, but I’ve never quite been able to go through with it. For the last few years I’ve been less actively suicidal, and instead I just really want to fail an attempt and be admitted to hospital so everyone will finally take my mental state seriously instead of just assuming I’m a bit anxious or lazy. I don’t want that kind of attention, but I need everyone, especially my school, to understand.",6.496343042071196,6.623014378640777,7.602087378640776,71.13510517799355,65.40776699029126,12.69190938511327,37.555016181229774,12.161744961471696,4.949538511326861,423,21,79,15,6,144,69,103,0.209,0.7070000000000001,0.083,-0.9588,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,23,17,8,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,14,13,3,10,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,48,11,3,0.17508533978120136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977965978921589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911478443356387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082051710602667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346030905566755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917974316265088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950503344089537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232443852413469,0.0962223238665402,0.14271792025068825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236679533761113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644484198804603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982356094947595,0.1350366077080832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121382129304081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622481053777415,0.0,0.0,0.1121641519801899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719571121875274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830298884401488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164238587607782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209366962542364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227001342837687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889274834792629,0.4130794788307434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274921842074205
suicidewatch,kimchikat,2018/04/03,"Saying I want to die is becoming less painful when I say it   About 4 years ago I realized I hadn’t known what I wanted to do with my life, and ever since then the anxiety of falling in a rut in college and not knowing what I wanted to major in would lead me to drop out and I wouldn’t amount to anything. This only becomes worse with the fact that I’m failing several of my classes right now and I’m so stressed about one of my classes that it’s consumed almost every second of my life and has caused me to feel depressed. Every time I try to study I just can’t grasp the concept and it leaves me with even more stress. 
  Failing a class doesn’t usually hit me as hard as this has, because I can usually bring the grade up to at least a B+ but I’ve hit the point that it feels like nothing matters. I don’t know what I want to do with my life and I’m certain I won’t ever amount to anything that would make me successful, much less happy. I have constant anxiety and I stay up until 5am trying to study but I can’t do it. 
  Even trying to study feels like such a chore, my GPA is already dropping, my class rank is just getting higher, and I’ve realized I’m not smart enough to simply get by on good grades alone, so I’ve had to resort to trying to figure out what I want to major in and get by on hard work, but I can’t even figure that out.
  I’ve been feeling depressed for about a month or so now and I can’t tell if I’m subconsciously faking it to get attention or if I’m truly depressed. I just don’t know what to do anymore. For years I’ve had suicidal thoughts, but when they first started I would break out crying because the thought of doing such a thing was too much, but now it just feels painfully easy to say and I can’t even tell If I would actually do it or not. It’s just an empty feeling at this point and I’m sure if I didn’t have family or friends who I’m scared to disappoint, I would have already attempted it. It feels like I’m just not trying hard enough and I’m weak but I can still work myself to exhaustion and fail at everything I do. I just really don’t know how to handle myself anymore.
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suicidewatch,Brbkms88,2018/04/03,"Noone loves me I'm 15, fat, and ugly. I've never kissed a girl and my longest relationship lasted 2 weeks. I've been told I give a pedophile vibe when I'm around people. I barely talk, I keep to myself, but when I do talk and somehow not seem like a social retard I'm nice. I hug my pillow at night and dream that it is someone who cares about me. I try to be optimistic and think that things will get better but I know deep down they won't. I work out to try to improve myself but my gym buddy always has work and I'm deathly afraid of going alone. I don't feel like my life has any meaning.  I dream of killing myself almost every day. Why shouldn't I go through with it?",1.2476282051282084,2.9242465833333355,2.9063888888888885,93.95442307692308,79.69444444444444,4.986324786324786,18.71581196581197,5.369823440869387,-0.4430079059829062,524,11,118,2,13,173,93,144,0.14300000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.191,0.8214,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,3,5,10,1,1,3,0,10,5,1,0,1,23,27,11,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,6,9,1,1,5,3,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,1,21,8,13,21,0,15,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,3,10,67,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668021456909208,0.18273970546635326,0.0,0.0,0.14681307956443512,0.0,0.0,0.11998595752906036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706993315232629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604776143130816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989339932094142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378987410969227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865918592565835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921389121565952,0.12604951413392732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218316099394146,0.16925832291997575,0.20055101808093484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568289032078244,0.1952058686953745,0.0,0.09696738117781004,0.14382299676161814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462552443789993,0.17240035939343665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924492719601335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219601787593385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608220718873526,0.0,0.0,0.16557796346918666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232200104341814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943164559883768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062529603080533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798594203979684,0.14949792050454305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836332487508832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721958681259137,0.11305629396836413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859697480536992,0.0,0.2395837683481869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153035942000078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921059482971245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569023568482862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gavalar09,2018/04/03,"Coming close now... For the last few days I’ve been thinking about commiting. Literally it’s the only constant in my head making any sense.
I had everyone I wanted at one point and it’s all gone. 
A girlfriend I loved but lost due to my anxiety and overthinking. 
I could’ve been a dad but she had an abortion because I freaked out about being a young dad, and when I tried to make it up and say we should keep it my behaviour had already ruined it.
I had a great job but I thought it was too demanding. I was wrong, I could have turned it into a great career. 
I’m completely impotent and for a young man, well, I don’t feel like a man anymore. And that not down to my depression because even before this my manhood was failing me! I’ve had all the physical test and nothing apparently. 
I’m at a point where everyone around me is successful and I’m just completely broken, I’m tired physically and mentally and just want this to be over. 
I don’t feel I have a reason to live anymore",2.0373078947368413,4.114028515000001,3.8552631578947367,86.1707894736842,78.85,7.610526315789473,26.02631578947368,8.532816995589336,1.9241000000000008,773,31,160,17,19,260,113,200,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.9309,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,0,3,11,12,0,0,13,0,19,3,1,3,3,37,37,14,0,4,6,2,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,10,16,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,6,1,1,13,3,22,6,18,20,3,23,0,4,0,1,9,13,0,0,9,108,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067456649797634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285143921374514,0.0,0.10445222799033932,0.0,0.2708206892807946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154896831879665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646623924561704,0.0,0.11618492910039944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761655883923873,0.2863178185731681,0.14755052939516528,0.0,0.21803111917345733,0.0,0.0,0.08805658425884423,0.0,0.11760114091661175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018295204809122,0.0,0.0,0.2609383977949361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807679444865376,0.09754373795528368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010702278191712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012876331488192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549423516504902,0.12136244668158598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129779281142713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670622888003576,0.0,0.12056674637214924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904882823648188,0.0,0.12323209300602313,0.0,0.1822821509346094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759954903866276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101318751341365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252259630933866,0.10384432734475092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581476357782746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038519100554225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858157033228208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748890139575212,0.0,0.10839699123249052,0.0,0.1569318955201551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927012550530916,0.14851560306698874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106889088910564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276527215023812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928434343947622,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jackthekiller90,2018/04/03,"I’m Deaf and I want die be freedom... Sorry horrible my English not so very good
Well I grew deaf be have great memories back in 90’s... after few years later so bad thing happened and changing be different life . I can’t hear outside any world like music , motor , talk and.. more 
I can’t talking and I can’t read talk lip so hard and confusing or upset 
Screaming around on people trying leaving me alone be have own problem myself maybe so have mentally ill when I 22 years olds... after feeling bad hater any colors people trying bad jokes really shitdog! People is a crazy animals in world so can’t be my imagine...why lots change thing in future so very awfully and very weaks too... of course some dangerous, I wish have going die be disappeared will finish end my journey of my storyline what I Learn thing skills and making smarts too... I can’t holding staying here make worst my bad depressed hard heavy my stomach too
My brain keeping think about want ready for suicide so After I die, is it possible to be reborn?
Ahh yeah death is never pain again... maybe sleeping time be sweet dream peaceful my life will end time. I’m trying plan get gun ready reload one only bullet shot my head? or I making rope? Or what?
I’m 30 year old now so very tired sick of life need out here of world! Never begging me trying save life? You can’t be understanding so I trying telling you about deaf people have hard time can’t understand and confused too be very scary never feeling any hide safe here 
Hey guys I want said thank you so don’t please said back thank me... I want be freedom if I believe in any god up heavens? Or nothing proof? Okay I don’t care and I not afraid of death so neve pain again really walking away gone 
I love you all best my man and children too.. I’m very sorry can’t holding stay more time...
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suicidewatch,styliane,2018/04/03,"Are people >25 still struggling with suicidal thoughts? It feels like everyone in this sub and r/depression is...  a teenager or in their early twenties.

I've been suicidal, on and off, since I was 14.  I'm 27.  It's...  tiring.",1.9290697674418595,4.5517000465116295,3.4058604651162803,85.96181395348837,83.41860465116278,7.1609302325581385,27.20465116279069,8.238735603445708,2.266408372093024,174,8,33,4,5,57,37,43,0.249,0.698,0.053,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,7,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566083461854385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27254133797810304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442165454404959,0.20376227552842285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934480340241698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773665492525944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593814781032504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22777823479173664,0.0,0.0,0.29817540920662683,0.0,0.6239719908588214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264339880443382,0.0,0.3278201225878223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedarksideofthegirl,2018/04/03,"I hate myself and want to die I fucked up big time.

My BF is pretty much don with me after seven years of borderline bullshit.

I've been drunk for a week.

I don't have any will to live.

I thought I was fixable. My therapist told me I was fixable. I'm not.

I said and did inexcusable things. Any humane society would either lock me up or kill me.

Is it better to live as a monster or to die as a good person?

Edit: I'm not dead, obv. Still feel like shit, but talked to my therapist. He'll call tomorrow to make sure I'm okay and I have another appointment in person the day after tomorrow. I am gonna stay at my friend's house over the weekend so I wont be alone. Sorry for having anyone worried, and thank you all for your concern.
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suicidewatch,tokwando,2018/04/03,"Failing school and wanting to kill myself Well I am currently 19 years old live in austria and go to school abroad, which means that my parents have to roughly pay 3000€ a year for my housing. I am currently senior in a higher technical school (equal to high school) and failing it, due to laziness and procrastinating. My parents constantly compare me to my older brother, because he is a straight A student and I can't handle the pressure. They would kill me, if I had to repeat the whole year, but even if I graduate, my grades will be complete shit, because it's too late into the school year.
I wish I could turn back time, because I would have chosen another school in my hometown, but 5 years in it's way too late. Currently the only things in life that bring me joy is watching netflix, browsing the web and partying, but those aren't really things that will get you through life.
I just want to die.",7.6435936507936475,6.835352280000002,7.29961904761905,77.3606031746032,63.34285714285714,10.063492063492065,37.73015873015873,9.150863307647796,3.330911111111111,719,32,135,10,9,227,104,175,0.118,0.782,0.099,-0.6604,5,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,1,1,2,6,8,3,1,9,0,15,3,1,0,0,20,23,11,3,8,6,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,6,1,0,1,2,21,2,16,16,2,29,0,2,1,0,6,8,1,2,18,90,31,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904663110758334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996486028639822,0.0,0.19018107808599607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090355851497567,0.11238041971632927,0.0,0.08303063629921817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792920965739122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868696468908887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054332500412026766,0.0,0.0591021079936222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098752242664488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999495361417195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301075994132711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346192107074194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690787959237528,0.0,0.0,0.09182848490395397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327980194908255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912406392677453,0.0,0.0,0.0790920177650368,0.0,0.0,0.2309457525620835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662113055098721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6314840384438256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674820433222873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817780124097304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063965689987995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311545865343968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267654772612725,0.08254548669217866,0.0,0.0,0.09350297059174907,0.0,0.0,0.11610543245852804,0.11958780839797405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477485108691378,0.0,0.0,0.3348431859609068
suicidewatch,_cutie_pi,2018/04/03,"Rant and hospital visit I was in the hospital recently. I didn’t try to kill myself yet. I was in a car accident (rear ended and not my fault) and ended up with a concussion and they almost had to remove my pancreas. I was in terrible physical pain. I already suffer from CRPS chronic pain in my arm. So it was miserable. But not only that but in the hospital for a week I was alone. Only the nurses. My mom and a friend came to visit me once but I wanted to just die there so bad. It would have been so much easier on my family. They would have a reason. They would have a stranger to blame. My suffering could have ended and I wanted to so bad. I still have a plan in place. I still know it’s going to happen but that could have been so much better. I just wish I was gone and I wish that my family could have had the health problem to grieve over instead of a suicide.

Sorry for the rant. I just want to pain to end. ",0.16110054347826264,2.3980854270833376,2.6000271739130447,91.29008152173914,87.95833333333334,6.047463768115943,17.201992753623188,7.423996415210882,0.35648568840579703,710,17,154,13,23,243,93,192,0.285,0.622,0.093,-0.9917,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,3,2,13,15,1,1,13,0,24,6,1,1,0,33,34,16,4,12,9,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,0,7,3,13,0,0,13,0,26,2,24,15,2,26,0,4,0,0,7,10,0,1,9,121,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150691457559928,0.11901560033193175,0.12680976670010893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189573620700384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163154175938392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143028760894862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27524693780474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926194066017864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407116568245534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166602056474614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878178838989997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530791913330884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161751791351507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214754392305867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271346234897697,0.0,0.0631533855986061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345851558308598,0.0,0.0,0.1689491053022611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223789938976744,0.0,0.1747935996071967,0.3668277986548889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200600187015034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995658038545328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118150088188919,0.11346309445721454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863611509979286,0.0,0.0,0.1835399392636236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569658094104375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801863844252521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333665745008567,0.0,0.09217657787385948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642894199654372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489349350152725,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LackOfWafffles,2018/04/03,I hurt I'm 5 days off my meds and I can't stop thinking about hanging myself or walking into traffic. Oh my god my head hurts,-0.1101190476190439,1.8186034642857152,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,85.78571428571429,3.733333333333334,23.619047619047624,3.1291,-0.03089523809523786,99,4,22,0,3,34,24,28,0.22,0.644,0.135,-0.5442,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256253473083504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541746822745396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7388786341994988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833310312232991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28852110617235466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112771940161854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ranzransley,2018/04/03,"I just don't feel normal. It's my first time to post something here but I've been reading for months. I was suicidal and attempted to kill myself multiple times. My bestfriend really tried tk help me and I decided to go with him to get help from a professional. I'm on medication for almost a month now and it's been great. However, there are times that I just feel so fake. Like, one day I'm super happy. Another day I feel so shitty. Right now, i believe I'm really depress deep inside but I just don't feel it on the outer layer. I just want to freaking cry but I can't. I just want to be wanted and loved. I know my family and friends  do but I just dont think that way when I'm not sane. Is it normal to feel this way if you're on medication?",-0.0574111842105296,2.110413581250004,2.739210526315791,90.42263157894743,88.1875,6.36842105263158,18.421052631578945,7.669130373188453,0.6039374999999998,583,16,131,12,19,204,92,160,0.192,0.602,0.206,-0.0752,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,13,10,1,0,3,0,11,3,0,0,0,32,28,13,2,6,12,0,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,8,1,0,1,5,4,0,2,3,5,18,6,14,24,0,21,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,2,12,79,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404290859478147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470528033822125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580013124566576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404593985193274,0.1808850872217175,0.0,0.12078763224306115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643590459157001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220483406062833,0.0,0.3545452225032132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928720895717734,0.0,0.0,0.10834829189436866,0.0,0.07326908148561892,0.0,0.07970104695564516,0.0,0.0,0.15461397599425789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928700721238622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799847100183315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515365871270598,0.0,0.0770716785621072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851368430172343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657115921272208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28255204689483826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238748396579342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27480885938991684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502956561543867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431018194594402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027693561078616,0.0,0.17968136956656042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976332689432975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079628220712582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533986878267669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985947895380347,0.0,0.0,0.2453234396888053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521306525217042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481497603706016,0.22263035733141226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chewypeanutbutter,2018/04/03,"I almost jumped today My father called the police and they showed up before I even made it out of the car. I had to call my husband to have him come pick me up. 
Now I’m mortified by my foolish attempt. I’ve never actually come close before and have not had these thoughts for long. 
How do I deal with the embarrassment? That feeling certainly doesn’t help when I’m in this mental state. ",2.6795054945054915,4.686417756410258,3.883919413919415,87.06346153846155,76.56410256410257,6.508424908424907,22.68131868131868,7.447530270364453,0.8777010989010989,307,9,62,4,7,100,60,78,0.065,0.8490000000000001,0.086,0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,3,2,16,13,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,1,10,1,10,9,0,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2238069121761161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296551453441451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39031014254378604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468372258606528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39511954090347706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23644385918214436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514797191918624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596334770035548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372462154473954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296245099241397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701108191670127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23112506938327376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688443013781682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207372258544255,0.0,0.0,0.2173915397481674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Outofcuntext,2018/04/03,"Reach out to someone please!!! I have always gone through my ups and downs alone, never wanting to burden anyone. Never seeking any kind of help. I have been severly down these last couple weeks, suicidal and negative thoughts constantly on my mind type of stuff. Finally this weekend I brokedown to an old friend told her everything and even though the factors of my situation have not changed, I do feel a hell of alot better getting of my chest. She just listened and didn't judge and thats all I needed. A little bit of a break. Thanks NC",4.13872549019608,6.433806401960787,4.3319607843137256,84.19049019607843,73.21568627450979,7.2784313725490195,28.98039215686275,8.167268648758528,2.136109803921569,431,18,78,7,9,134,79,102,0.13,0.711,0.159,-0.3534,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,6,0,6,1,1,0,3,17,15,6,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,2,11,4,15,10,3,16,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,8,55,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500297585272066,0.0,0.0,0.14863139099523012,0.0,0.0,0.1214720093083517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489966217850028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798044637465464,0.19501365571608506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188962940322448,0.0,0.0,0.19303157206731253,0.0,0.0,0.19764660334459813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798098643815855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053780048561903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031882436374417,0.0,0.0,0.19567638038734447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800623622322933,0.0,0.0933248691841067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972944356141432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601180362014105,0.0,0.1456042753765665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903047934132876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803616422938411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244913803151362,0.2755352289342278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743825359728988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960780368505925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179687496461407,0.0,0.0,0.20078344526845865,0.0,0.0,0.15134948426534667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044843774505466,0.19538817990036544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445509777409675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549943274470015,0.14180932939207705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068508444379973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535841974580287,0.0,0.14328324323049915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pineyclimy,2018/04/03,Overdose on risperdal? What will happen if i take 60mg? Will my heart hurt will I pass out will my liver stop working? Will it be painful?,-0.4628571428571426,1.5951784285714297,0.07971428571428517,104.46528571428571,104.0,2.24,19.88571428571429,3.1291,-0.8886799999999995,108,4,24,0,5,32,22,28,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,0,3,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534708644988397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736698412819816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279082712802016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42533000797199744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341836184066168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30053951448406896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910007465990698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McNuggiesGotSweg,2018/04/03,"Lost license = lost job = homeless = why live? Title is pretty self explanatory. Losing my drivers license due to getting anspeeding fine. Loss of license means my employment is about to be terminated as I can't get there any more. I have rent and bills overdue and I'm about to be evicted. I'm 60+k in debt at the age of 25 and I'm honestly ready to end it.

I've been looking into methods. You can't get guns here so either carbon monoxide poisoning, hanging or cliff jumping seem to be my most painless options.
Really just want a fast and easy way out.",1.246988416988419,3.827956099099101,3.1291698841698867,86.74966216216221,87.1081081081081,5.333590733590733,26.847490347490353,6.868970318607317,1.5052517374517378,441,21,83,6,14,147,82,111,0.132,0.721,0.146,0.1708,5,0,1,1,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,4,6,7,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,14,21,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,5,0,0,3,1,6,2,14,15,3,11,0,4,1,0,2,4,0,4,4,44,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796584718504153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057408804456599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640873837859618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305129767268893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511721082941728,0.0,0.19506593797671365,0.2598742138745689,0.5071461384699398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530329999826025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363234594965157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881156424625472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211469004285013,0.24233017621959546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701125162896835,0.1843817853966077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960649905234685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mrcoulrophobia,2018/04/03,"I want to kill myself but am scared of what comes after. Really young single dad, going through a divorce with a women who is a meth addict and just want to die. I’ve taken anti depression meds, anti psychotics, anti anxiety (benzos), add meds (amps), and nothing helps me feel better. Everything is so foggy and I don’t even know if this is real. My child would be better off with my parents. My child loves them and would have a two parent home instead of a dad who could never be good enough. There is a reason I have no friends and no one talks to me. I fucking suck. Anyway I’m ranting. I just really wish someone could tell me what the fuck comes after this. So I at least know before.",2.6480434782608704,4.506678804347828,4.029782608695651,86.65380434782612,76.17391304347827,6.049275362318841,20.92028985507246,6.816661863887847,0.5063507246376813,537,13,104,5,12,177,90,138,0.279,0.586,0.135,-0.9777,2,0,1,0,2,2,20.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,4,1,7,0,14,4,0,1,1,27,29,9,2,8,4,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,6,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,1,1,14,5,12,22,3,9,0,1,0,3,16,2,3,1,4,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249879689955506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156881681624687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701409756562197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903456324124527,0.0,0.0,0.247439507252952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410026122969657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337870535158047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204855100749284,0.0,0.14518187621738338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454191514425174,0.0,0.09239484322079598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572250287680933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073168201851661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080772838428594,0.2586487915651246,0.0,0.0,0.07950169332430453,0.11733159338466374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376411827653708,0.0,0.1403192801637387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476557792253298,0.0,0.15375780336847958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262545708970618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31076853097897394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078904111915029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422651005817024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479187125992157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106586045411916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922340811874022,0.17923193841257212,0.14382837796839582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005250165229244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852682616427272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243684412346806,0.12226846114134805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665045437099038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501938097469274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086453751543656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874514123097645,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BuriedInDebt123,2018/04/03,"don't see a way out from beneath my credit card debt I've buried myself under a mountain of $40,000 in credit card debt. It's no one's fault but mine. I did it to myself with my own bad decisions. And I don't see a way out. I feel totally hopeless. I can't enjoy life anymore. I work several jobs and the hole keeps getting deeper with most of my sizeable monthly payments going to interest. I'm constantly exhausted with nothing but a bigger pile of debt to show for it. I feel like I deserve to be culled from the herd. ",1.822935779816515,3.7095245504587204,3.8169633027522964,87.11094954128441,78.72477064220182,6.5618348623853215,25.578899082568807,7.554174236665415,1.3964708256880738,412,16,84,6,10,140,70,109,0.232,0.674,0.095,-0.9395,4,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,6,0,5,2,0,0,1,15,13,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,1,5,1,4,4,0,1,1,4,13,5,18,11,3,11,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,1,3,54,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450905447004268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634658706444872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670640837399413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499167759433753,0.1765525959708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911732734638934,0.0,0.14045196092217746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452423852000333,0.2196640754615772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455806961990966,0.12073720079907285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972600199881552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371317610620881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746441039474616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938676408116201,0.0,0.0,0.2791911029726013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923269698753584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991651266666356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ratsamore,2018/04/03,"I dont think I can do it anymore All I ever do is break my promises. I promised my mom I would get straight As that I would do my best and get better. Its April now and I have two Ds in my classes and a paper due two weeks ago that was a good portion of my grade. I wanted to prove that I could make it. I lived only to see the world change and for the love of my family. 

I'm 17 and yet I feel like I've reached the end of my line. I won't get into a good college like I have always hoped or get a good job. I wanted something a cause to die for but I might have to settle for this.  My first suicide attempt was April of last year and I can't stop thinking about it. I'd have to clean my room first. All I can say is I'm afraid and I'm sorry to my family.",-0.04020952380952282,1.0834513028571455,2.3108571428571416,99.27447619047621,81.68571428571428,5.123809523809523,18.52380952380952,5.2151,-0.6914190476190479,578,12,154,2,15,198,94,175,0.061,0.758,0.181,0.9049,1,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,5,4,12,0,1,8,0,20,1,0,2,4,27,36,10,2,6,2,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,2,0,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,2,3,27,11,17,29,4,20,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,3,16,99,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203133930837567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454795426893445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652626657463668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444704779680089,0.12175312917101434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141943971789078,0.14563086641148235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991396106734876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287409415437566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134185633162393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192995221555285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452548930460915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595558184767797,0.0,0.06960734534990733,0.09834759970617923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341948339082061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876962336387853,0.0,0.0,0.3463995415396658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673198486191954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661084844437568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221500226511054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345119150305675,0.0,0.12156034163382486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424765349331712,0.0,0.09189217262678856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604035885456945,0.0,0.1612310861245278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470011249867016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094763952905209,0.0,0.0,0.10970084258104973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598091532310183,0.0,0.15410422066490445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150937487003796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058270090895975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764198016923903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26895657216615315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623962659042427,0.0,0.11042621806317178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955859282217988,0.0,0.0,0.08865147262690717
suicidewatch,damimrite786,2018/04/03,"I can't believe it. After more than 20 long, grueling years, this is finally going to be the end. I have decided once and for all to end it thanks to today's event which acted as the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Long story short, a girl I've been speaking for many months now, whom I like and who likes me, a lot, has spent that last four months trying as hard as she can to avoid seeing me and talking to me so that she can get over her feelings for me. Whenever I ask her why she can't just let me take her out, she'd always have a reason why a relationship is not the right step for her and that based on her past relationships, we would focus to much on each other and begin doing bad in school. Because of this, despite the fact that I live one street away, she refuses to see me. It's been 4 months. We haven't had a decent conversation in 1 and a half. 

After all this time, she met another man at the bar, one of her drinking buddies, whom she is falling for and is over me.... which is what she wanted from the beginning. She didn't want those feelings for me to be there. I don't know why. Why am I poisonous? She has no problem seeing this other guy almost every day and violating almost every reason she had for not wanting to see me. I am a fool. I am a fucking fool. On top of that, the emotional abuse and trauma as a child, the family ostracization from childhood to adolescence, my grades spiraling out of control at that time, my brother passing away, my friendships being facades that were manipulated only to use me, my relationships that were only to toy around with me.

I've decided a long time ago that I wasn't meant for happiness in this world, but I think now, I realize that maybe its not just that I wasn't meant for happiness in this world, maybe I myself wasn't meant for this world.

I don't want to die, I just want to not exist anymore. I wish I can one day just be walking down the street and have a car just come and hit me. I can't think of anything more beautiful.

Anyway, I am still working out the details, but I do know that I want to go on my own terms. The day before my birthday in July so I do have a little bit of time to get things ready. Thank you for listening. I hope you guys don't get to the point I'm at....it really feels terrible. I don't wish this on anyone.",4.882986337986338,4.602702174636175,5.878042025542027,83.51683731808733,68.83367983367985,9.033590733590733,27.781482031482028,8.634040054169528,1.7398558954558951,1810,51,394,26,28,602,219,481,0.102,0.8320000000000001,0.066,-0.8025,0,1,1,0,2,1,58.0,2,2,0,3,14,18,3,1,25,0,46,4,0,5,3,68,88,19,1,11,11,1,4,2,0,1,1,2,0,5,35,20,2,3,15,3,1,9,17,11,0,5,15,10,65,7,65,65,10,72,0,1,4,1,40,31,1,4,34,279,100,3,0.0,0.09263356078241686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930413091960849,0.0,0.15657710054335233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505416120334824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198124136802734,0.0,0.0,0.07753610102355545,0.05466707068538873,0.0,0.06433759341279012,0.06959906284784348,0.07309014895328117,0.0,0.14691019600328675,0.06011757030469055,0.06527918014973147,0.04765936892575079,0.0,0.06652760853734406,0.08808498331927186,0.0,0.0,0.08535511718527608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734736118145522,0.0,0.0,0.08768840010323077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126386904223452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114116408468942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658915405317285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794486801269437,0.1384931021696702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174437419687546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370356879884804,0.0,0.11859436934243192,0.0,0.0,0.08564518375404638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227852602368945,0.12254149766476514,0.0,0.08886591234540962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482607202632714,0.0,0.16645359884202615,0.07003622597792472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765293270954049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593419149469142,0.06372922932913846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994697471884504,0.0,0.07639210896447046,0.07835947430349535,0.06903664156249001,0.2075673422074361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646802506465896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926485460424694,0.15708979976343354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721374408472075,0.0,0.05747318465307163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326188530391745,0.15893559816542252,0.1189227348487774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463410947898495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739077993629334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481016057477631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008575623508213,0.1607694062211186,0.0,0.2518164630773318,0.0,0.0667674874830005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791249346722822,0.2492055434060655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624367012872877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878356259813172,0.06284018815493579,0.0,0.14396001234559966,0.0,0.0,0.05194102541353862,0.10019246779226,0.0,0.0,0.1823555408650385,0.0,0.07410793458473404,0.0,0.0,0.05308083290013699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752463805328368,0.0,0.0,0.2766846320839498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821904351318325,0.0,0.17981219383614555,0.0,0.0,0.056917842012139966,0.0,0.0,0.05553865446507618,0.0,0.0,0.05034701167726652
suicidewatch,Chrispydude,2018/04/03,"I think about killing myself every morning I wake up, and I'm constantly thinking about ways to do it through the day I'm 20 years old. Diagnosed schizoaffective along with major depressive disorder that either shows itself as mania or reclusiveness. I was admitted to an inpatient psychiatric facility for 9 days when I was 15 for suicide watch, as well as uncontrollable tactile and audio hallucinations. I'm a poly substance abuser, I will take anything that anyone gives me or that I can get my hands on no matter the situation, time or place. My binges along with the recent doubling of the dose of my antipsychotic have caused me to drop two of my classes because I've slept through alarms no matter what I've tried and still feel tired all day. 

I took lsd the first time a month before my 19th birthday which was about two years ago. Since then, without exaggeration have dosed myself once for 9 days straight doubling the dose each day. I have taken acid over 150 times in the span of about a year in a half. The thing is it is the one substance that makes my depression and manic thought silenced and allows me to experience and love life like when it was better. It reminds me of being like 9 years old again. 

I can't go a day without using drugs because it seems that that's the only control that I have over my emotions. Take stimulants to stay awake, benzos and booze to forget pain, opiates to feel happy. Everything I guess. 

My schizoaffective disorder causes me to be baffled and confused about human normality and makes my emotions intense in every way. My ex cheated on me for months until I found out and the worst part is I have class with her twice a week because we signed up together before everything happened. The hardest part of my week is going into that class and trying not to cry and act civil even though I wish she'd just leave me alone. 

I hate who I've become, I hate that I can barely seem to control my life and can hardly make it to work to pay the bills let alone take care of myself or make it to class without wanting to scream FUCK EVERYBODY IN HERE. I am so depersonalized that sometimes I have no sense of self. I would rather be admitted to the hospital forever sometimes because at least there I have a regime I can handle. 

I don't self harm in the traditional way but try to get as trashed as possible with any substance, that's like my form of self harm. Like slamming a pint of vodka in one gulp and then lay comatose crying in my bed. 

Anyway I hope that wasn't too much text. Mental health services suck where I'm at and it often takes months to become a patient at a outpatient facility and care, and I have Medicaid so I have very limited options. Working on getting some help though. 
Thank you. 

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suicidewatch,whereisthewill,2018/04/03,"I have everything but the will to live I have the most amazing and supportive family. I live with my best friends in the world who understand my problems and are there for me whenever anything gets bad. I have my dream job of owning my own brewery and investors that have put nearly two million dollars into a project that is based 100% on my ideas and work. For some reason all of this is not enough and I still wake up every morning dreading the day that follows. 

I feel numb and find it impossible to cry unless I'm intoxicated and then it all comes pouring out. I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but stopped taking the meds (klonopin) a couple years ago because I was abusing them and nearly killed a man for calling my ex girlfriend a bitch while on it. 

Five years ago I was in an accident and broke almost every bone in my body and somehow made a recovery; even after a MRSA bone infection inside my femur. Doctors thought I was drug seeking the whole time I had the infection and it wasn't until I sought a third opinion that I actually got treatment that saved my leg/life. I wish every day that I would have died in that accident or from the infection so that my family wouldn't have to go through the pain of having me kill myself. I have constant intrusive thoughts telling me to kill myself and sometimes even find myself saying it out loud unknowingly. I don't know what to do anymore, I've worn thin. I don't think I'll ever be happy. ",6.848873239436622,6.7556368098591575,7.079683098591548,75.91945422535214,64.70422535211267,10.05774647887324,35.3556338028169,9.673873057562805,3.320018309859156,1170,50,216,21,16,379,168,284,0.239,0.662,0.099,-0.9943,1,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,7,16,4,1,17,0,24,13,4,2,3,50,41,20,4,4,5,1,2,0,2,3,9,2,0,1,16,18,0,1,10,1,1,4,5,10,0,4,10,4,35,6,30,27,9,33,0,1,0,0,9,14,1,7,15,160,51,4,0.0,0.1284875546727649,0.1058249986834388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225685022510527,0.0,0.10859028086927272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295881279680993,0.0,0.10754659472475024,0.0,0.0,0.08923957992456985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054560957861794,0.0661060172878427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380453251625698,0.0,0.0,0.1204560379010588,0.0,0.0,0.1107327141250031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341428396770847,0.0,0.11718866109103808,0.0,0.0,0.11999042730205856,0.11911985157767654,0.13987388932922742,0.0,0.0,0.11006764704296684,0.11254700422270984,0.0,0.12428539459308548,0.1109962927759932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257597769725696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205089752208924,0.0,0.14325152809786382,0.09809315575052856,0.27410442294575993,0.0,0.09746182809333122,0.0,0.20446134739143945,0.0,0.054832181001006994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982303876101606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378300954609702,0.0,0.056657138254917215,0.0,0.061630815411736165,0.0,0.08673199793634165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543988863781698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241926397707165,0.0,0.0,0.10761322287107038,0.0,0.35992926815251863,0.0,0.05959759095231627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151480699354104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026116541032253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204560379010588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539129632270648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037655738993725,0.0,0.10901544918567896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149775360608227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623844928623793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725317734934832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660294392742615,0.0906634383066877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306014965470885,0.0,0.0,0.08153585103921647,0.0,0.09478420702991207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948607542732403,0.0,0.1721837030460534,0.06323414896522488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059333276703142,0.11289327950803098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107304999888535,0.12470442079096315,0.0,0.0,0.07894799979208811,0.0,0.0,0.0770349951114887,0.0,0.0,0.1396678344404313
suicidewatch,Emeraldwolff,2018/04/03,"Help I've been stress vomiting lately. About 7 times over the last few weeks. I'm pretty sure I had this weird sort of hypomanic thing that was off and on for two weeks and doesn't really fit criteria in length and consistency especially since people didn't notice and I'm fucked. I have my final exam for my incomplete this Friday. It was already extended but I'm a fuck up and have made no progress in my essay or notes. I also fell further behind in my other classes. I really would like to self harm and I've noticed myself telling myself that if it all goes to hell I can try killing myself. Idk if that's just now a fucked up coping mechanism or... i can't do this. My therapist hasn't been much help.

Right now my thoughts aren't too serious but I know from prior experience that I can go from not too serious to really bad and writing notes and holding stuff.",2.636521428571431,4.711084920000001,4.2516250000000015,84.06143750000003,76.94285714285714,7.803571428571428,23.50892857142857,8.660442795831766,1.6642071428571428,691,22,138,15,16,231,112,175,0.245,0.6759999999999999,0.079,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,5,1,3,0,16,4,0,1,2,26,26,15,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,11,0,1,8,0,17,2,18,17,3,22,1,0,0,3,5,11,4,6,10,92,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620233930592962,0.12044309532252526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575340642279653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732588679606418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498634903309195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177107082771052,0.0,0.0,0.08559537027481247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019019743298458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662811059930893,0.0,0.08277154587312023,0.12276759080700128,0.16989510946253325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735806416691274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251121729932548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071598527298414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429419138849724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441429888769747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322493857200528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28945466741662074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286204724082044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571195108792751,0.0,0.0,0.12458649254377588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252372275642813,0.0,0.17241289318152356,0.0,0.0,0.14194853475126815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316401420738765,0.0,0.0,0.17487030136190138,0.10005886813932964,0.0,0.0,0.11956784701820415,0.08782214479123017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225458618874723,0.0,0.14712449195758825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416211821930192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698931835697567,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chicken_is_tasty,2018/04/03,"I’m so tired of not caring I need some help. I’ve been to a therapist, I’m on 40mg of prozac a day, but nothing is working. I have no reason to be depressed, my brain is just fucking stupid. I’ve got a family that loves me, a bunch of cool friends, a decent path to go forwards in my future, but I just don’t care.

Anything that used to interest me is just boring now. I can only concentrate on gaming for half an hour. I used to not be able to put a book down once I started, now it’s hard to finish a single page. I don’t feel terrible, per say, I just feel nothing. Excitement is gone from my life. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. It’s spring break ffs. Nothing to stress about, just a week of relaxing. I don’t care, though. Fuck man. I know there would be tons of people devastated if I died, but again, I don’t care. I mean, I’d be dead. Apathy fucking sucks. Help.

I’m going to bed. Hopefully I’ll be able to feel something in the morning.",0.2111790293040308,2.0459138221153883,2.569010989010991,94.28551282051285,83.85576923076924,5.8849816849816845,20.000915750915755,7.07126945348624,0.2696338827838831,737,21,175,10,21,252,121,208,0.246,0.5710000000000001,0.184,-0.947,0,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,1,13,20,5,1,10,1,19,8,1,4,0,26,47,7,2,4,11,0,4,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,5,0,0,1,7,3,0,5,8,9,0,1,3,6,20,11,24,38,6,22,0,1,0,4,7,7,4,3,11,103,25,2,0.2353321673796155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968291610766274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135426390810487,0.0,0.0,0.479873657420605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588488970769547,0.0,0.10134562546423,0.0,0.12211881779120964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092511168947766,0.0,0.1784865221513946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090852437540477,0.3263411949756447,0.0,0.0,0.13374469395376093,0.0,0.09410831612804928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054056990118533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773819120536825,0.0,0.0,0.1168689708544466,0.11587739040686072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458702161347162,0.0,0.0,0.12933240472397034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311103470961838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619823452067748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817286013265058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649811034512059,0.0872479101144597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33871134231659034,0.0,0.0,0.12531053892410535,0.0,0.08949035888289951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157484688889159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182869136986458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098033129168714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357279252091846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905850998691432,0.0,0.0,0.083284659659655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478610131447635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661939227647488,0.0,0.0,0.11560632980189794,0.0,0.0,0.1352398538212714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032514338157561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438463482720784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566231032247314,0.0,0.0,0.08358660984837102,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomdude69420,2018/04/03,"Dark thoughts 23m Hi, I'm not sure whats wrong with me. I've been having some pretty dark thoughts recently. I own a gun and found myself yesterday honestly entertaining the idea of offing myself. I honestly didn't trust myself. Something in my mind was urging me to ""just do it, let's see what it feels like, let's see what'll happen"" it feels like, my hands were getting really sweaty, and i started panicking because a part of me was legitimately considering it. Once I snapped out of it i was/still am to an extent terrified of MYSELF..

had to take it to my friends house and leave it there. 

I've heard of ""call of the void"" before and that sounds like that's exactly what it is. I've been having this a lot more recently. And i think i might know why... See, I was always a bit of an anxious/depressed person, a recent cancer diagnosis (it was caught very early i will be fine) turned it into overdrive. I've been a mess lately and I've been having more destructive thoughts than usual. Thoughts of like ""you know you could straight up kill this person"" or ""you know you could just drive on the oncoming traffic full speed, why not"" every time i have thoughts like this I picture it happening, think of the aftermath/consequences, then I go into a mild panic attack. Feels like I'm going nuts.

I have a girlfriend, a great job, amazing family and I've never told them the thoughts that i have.

Where do i go for help? The episode with the gun... That was worse than hearing my diagnosis. not trusting myself for those 5 minutes terrify the shit out of me.

I've never been to a psychiatrist, or a therapist; and feel like i need help, this needs to NOT happen again. Does anyone have any advice on where i can start to heal? Should i see a psychiatrist first or a psychologist?



Thank you everyone.",2.7059527400703867,5.020112792022797,3.866945701357469,85.72584841628962,77.77492877492878,7.092374727668848,23.99874308697838,8.124751697461798,1.468188134741076,1414,48,278,26,34,459,179,351,0.131,0.7140000000000001,0.155,0.7952,1,0,1,2,0,0,56.0,0,5,1,1,6,25,4,1,23,0,33,4,2,0,4,53,73,12,1,5,9,0,5,7,2,3,2,3,0,2,23,14,0,0,17,1,0,5,7,7,0,1,23,12,37,18,32,42,9,33,0,0,4,0,17,12,1,6,23,180,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082737082696667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882485061665974,0.0,0.0,0.05624850066175527,0.0,0.0,0.09344351607927856,0.0,0.05783570034530874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409935734632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504218160087544,0.0,0.07038370236077475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030249688841976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446045862133213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320811357902569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124162973331688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238376446472247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969029118170074,0.07903697436104508,0.0,0.0,0.07797559785052365,0.0,0.16729116381361214,0.236364198784143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035666661092466,0.0,0.09069186431796444,0.06390479513534279,0.0,0.043214761951744,0.0,0.14102517876530254,0.0,0.0,0.09119271091607672,0.0,0.0,0.21943171394249467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322492859307134,0.0,0.11088318574364392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544109541292446,0.0,0.0933742775230572,0.0,0.0,0.08208109255905931,0.0,0.09151102062781756,0.0,0.13637270352310293,0.0,0.09330523409689126,0.08758240769077172,0.0,0.16916177199115698,0.0,0.2828699020448263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032066529241635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774670788594803,0.08351777511284546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266308050116835,0.12758859917844648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808793645330464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704730620020084,0.0,0.08957143133095245,0.0,0.0,0.14444571924896488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415009006539748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298884232980537,0.0,0.24501091738095296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636500721937402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490495014973137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367744157354649,0.0,0.0,0.1170910901927904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795716608074925,0.0,0.062190793635553826,0.0,0.0,0.07615213355443615,0.0,0.09603757551811312,0.0,0.10599985460056743,0.0,0.3939950711396471,0.04823132228208064,0.0,0.0,0.07903697436104508,0.0,0.0,0.08996931084895729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910980189212194,0.06824788756720641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927342220807066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842928486665188,0.0,0.09043500630523384,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Britanniafanboy,2018/04/03,"If I write a will to give all of my money to someone, and then kill myself, will the money still go to them? Don't worry, IF I kill myself it will only be decades down the line from now. I just want to know if the money will still go to them even if I kill myself, or if for some reason it can't because of suicide.",6.452523809523813,3.174656728571432,7.332857142857144,84.04880952380952,67.42857142857143,9.333333333333334,29.04761904761905,3.1291,1.0580476190476182,241,4,58,0,3,82,42,70,0.18,0.727,0.093,-0.8691,0,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,3,3,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,12,8,4,6,7,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,0,10,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,7,4,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305047714409672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140171122076609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053706933590212,0.24333988974127005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7105629533031567,0.0,0.11765600628756485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282196638769228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011595082463184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139427982082612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34193853652236805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417521606080394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627340466746484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174146132220162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JandCompanions,2018/04/03,"Not acutely suicidal, but noncommittal and detached about living or dying. I'm 25/male. This is a bit of a ramble so apologies in advanced. 

I've attempted several times, especially during my first and only semester at university. Since my early 20's though I've just been 'meh', Taking a detached feeling towards life. 

I've never held a steady job, I'm legally unable to drive due to vision issues. I have many 'minor' disabilities, and I'm very overweight, I can't recall ever being at a normal weight at any age. 

I guess part of my problem is that I judge myself before I let others judge me. I've always felt self conscious since I was in elementary school, that I have this awkward aura, or that people tend to overestimate my disabilities. I've always hated thinking of myself as 'disabled' since I'm not that disabled. The resources I'm eligible for should go to someone that needs it more. 
Another thing I'm self conscious of as of late is how much I might be like my father (In prison since I was 8 for violent crimes I won't go into,) especially as my temper seems to be getting shorter the more I realize just how much of a general failure I am. I didn't have the best start, and I've made some shit decisions. I was a horrible person when I was a teenager. 
Often I'm asking myself if I'm a decent person that's made mistakes, or if I'm a sociopath with a conscience, or something resembling a conscience. 

I don't see the selfishness argument as one that often works, but I feel like I'm just here until my family ties all but disappear. I have a hard time seeing myself marrying or starting a family, let alone reaching old age. 

Part of me just wants to go several thousand miles from here and do something new, though lack of driving ability, a degree in which to secure job opportunities abroad, and being broke in general seems to put a grinding halt on that. 

So I'm at a point where there's nothing really stopping me from suicide except for the idea of who it effects. I've got my whole life to make it as 'clean' as possible. ",6.748184090909092,6.399991777500002,7.843909090909094,71.20945454545455,64.975,10.472727272727274,34.68181818181819,10.018931242160765,3.490475,1621,66,289,32,22,554,210,400,0.18600000000000005,0.732,0.08199999999999999,-0.9939,2,1,2,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,7,19,14,4,1,22,0,26,5,1,6,3,62,63,30,3,9,17,1,5,2,0,3,3,0,1,4,17,8,2,4,12,0,0,8,7,9,0,3,11,7,33,5,45,43,12,40,0,1,2,0,8,15,1,14,19,194,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956578289880338,0.0,0.0,0.15370299981978608,0.0,0.0,0.06280844207879954,0.09684824532459888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634478520350294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859215163087756,0.0,0.09692685474306832,0.0,0.10083396141514676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585582304029734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354553943062384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413889307397407,0.0,0.09340068845449596,0.06598250137416391,0.0886807545323633,0.0,0.0,0.07856196285591399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048254652854075264,0.0,0.15747214002017546,0.0,0.07386928780144145,0.0,0.10174572209807677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273704425466802,0.09118706815159094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426398628335776,0.0,0.09640057304148866,0.18330748329672486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418689071668047,0.0,0.0,0.18889014343590727,0.13047418538626973,0.09024554381461117,0.0,0.08155618879220827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478785198275876,0.06165148335837853,0.09363925156816014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798010533651667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579148092864718,0.06848428754744644,0.07123426444381029,0.08920253802722326,0.0,0.0,0.09049387437515248,0.08862258107332614,0.0,0.09691701620356173,0.0,0.06258599953305835,0.07024447304721118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000352717131337,0.0,0.06403127895726977,0.1612915986069599,0.0,0.0,0.0873107135810481,0.10412280996870156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837671476080149,0.0,0.09284801206367788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059168628410341075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347395765859502,0.14719903725105887,0.16816342195206338,0.1927047030514711,0.20868259947398907,0.0948069296237905,0.30560689650211337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825692001196388,0.14220755589019926,0.0,0.0,0.13074675537649916,0.0,0.0,0.07721767948042077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020552265502109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944375074781531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136034399722407,0.059181006157624005,0.1814878344265572,0.0,0.10771253193590258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620724895481228,0.0544767328851877,0.0,0.0,0.11247044850463137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311742134581356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723968842814232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarthCasanova,2018/04/03,"I don’t drink, I don’t smoke weed, I don’t do drugs, and I’ve tried to stay healthy. Not a single one of those things have curbed my depression or stopped suicidal thoughts. What HAS contributed to me wanting to kill myself on basically a daily basis?

Bad luck, constant rejection, feelings of uselessness, a family that basically hates me and wouldn’t care if I was dead or not, shit luck finding a job, and loss of faith in humanity.

Feeling unloved, unwanted and unneeded will destroy your soul and will to live far faster than substance abuse or a shitty diet. I’m living proof, if you want to call what I’m doing living.",5.577249999999999,6.579093558333334,6.091666666666669,78.10500000000003,67.58333333333334,9.666666666666666,32.5,9.827888789773867,3.14225,497,21,93,11,8,161,83,120,0.33,0.535,0.135,-0.9856,1,0,3,0,1,1,16.0,0,2,0,1,0,14,4,0,5,0,11,4,1,0,1,26,20,10,3,7,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,5,2,2,4,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,2,2,10,4,11,15,1,7,2,4,0,0,4,3,1,7,3,56,15,1,0.0,0.22072923642151154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555486312624566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902281314166402,0.0,0.18994027563536184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131882613660693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045570109919058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824982797761052,0.21604317721192365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562244531139806,0.0,0.1883928054277748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027035110197206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839278475573697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848691460716564,0.0,0.2061079319508056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935059728402388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623838461617576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122924832102506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985657947552358,0.0,0.1557510496619786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037766081332696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376618993854875,0.0,0.0,0.14789750413718344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648214767632074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976335953412354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PoopMasterMC,2018/04/03,"I dont know what to say other than that i dont see a point. For months ive told myself that it (life) is too hard, and with EOC tests coming up, its either study and kill myself anyway, or kill myself now. No point in waiting right? I have friends, sure, but I dont want anyone to know about my depression, not even my best friends. I need to say something but cant.",3.3380769230769225,3.4851156282051288,4.1093846153846165,93.3856153846154,72.2051282051282,6.752820512820513,22.01025641025641,5.6839178017228535,0.003961025641025184,281,5,67,1,5,90,55,78,0.231,0.6759999999999999,0.093,-0.8906,0,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,15,15,5,2,2,5,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,4,11,4,9,14,2,8,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,1,2,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485397562820344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238008217686324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414949087774351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414763607296332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775322995575253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849176934997516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538127744344103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714413797390244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36345732722684737,0.0,0.1805453157049927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602125571114184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111026760587152,0.0,0.0,0.12179624673209567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105564091998555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027661047107354,0.0,0.2612512989786829,0.0,0.0,0.13089345674608974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264548934116554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481251890482986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695687391683394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688443637594933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,23enoughforme,2018/04/03,"I wanna die on my 23 birthday Which is in a month. 
I've been unhappy for so long and I just don't believe it gets better. I did all the work to get better and I'm still miserable. And unloveable. I feel guilty hurting my family whose been through so much but I just don't think I can let that stop me anymore ",-0.2302611940298505,1.9040572238805995,1.941921641791048,96.05676305970152,88.70149253731344,5.141044776119403,20.315298507462693,6.6274283507984215,0.2072402985074624,242,8,56,3,8,81,51,67,0.2,0.74,0.06,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,11,13,6,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,9,2,6,9,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550065695886401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897005282957945,0.0,0.4548259992096042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668631725417756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24240184891583194,0.0,0.1300140317405357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26868247211495905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752659002720032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26293563260098474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275543701415904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052408879161402,0.0,0.18902213895514008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534652634731845,0.2149744717521872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647602676239971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719568624548866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paintedoddity12,2018/04/03,"No more, please... I'm ready... I'm ready... the burden I am to my family, my friends, or just anyone that I encounter. I'm just an ugly background decoration. I cant change anything. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be melodramatic I have a good life and some very good friends. I'm only 11 I'm always told: ""you're too young to be depressed"". Am I wrong to feel this way? I'm way too selfish making other people sad for my death. But in the long run, I know that they will be better not having me to bring them down and be worried about me. So I've decided to try to kill myself. No more, please! No more life! No more right or wrong! no more pain! I know it will be over soon. No... more.",-1.0540540540540562,1.018765756756757,1.3284324324324324,98.71859459459463,94.13513513513512,4.0410810810810815,14.832432432432434,5.6839178017228535,-0.9346794594594594,524,11,126,4,20,176,86,148,0.228,0.625,0.147,-0.9301,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,2,1,7,14,1,0,4,0,13,3,0,1,0,15,27,6,2,0,7,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,1,1,16,5,12,19,7,11,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,3,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798930317538115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755346244172456,0.0,0.12657950846747956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603995166456198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271956345088234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248363730467144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500637987809162,0.0,0.07777524866403378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376795627060372,0.0,0.08036381073894913,0.0,0.0,0.2580312977500123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017736556027033,0.0,0.16906923530941229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172930923865348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612452044921758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267503437173263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169858905522422,0.1636737149849809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663837120652507,0.0,0.0,0.3376930154049277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136014729339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698015590188546,0.0,0.2088653112787415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691636080070348,0.0,0.2441879103512156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562101398916126,0.0,0.0,0.5045291055175776,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWAYMILITARY,2018/04/03,"i just want to cry endlessly and then kill myself never felt so miserable in my entire life

started in december of last year. just a random week out of nowhere where i felt like absolute horseshit. took a load of drugs, went away for a few weeks. came back again, took acid, vanished for a few weeks, repeat, now it's back again.

acid is such a bad idea when im like this in case it goes bad but i dont understand what im supposed to do. i feel completely nonfunctional and just wish i was never born in the first place.

want to cry more than anything, but unable to. someone please fucking kill me already.",3.8597428833792478,5.177736553719008,4.378953168044081,87.61368227731865,71.89256198347105,7.691827364554638,26.66758494031221,8.167268648758528,1.5319193755739209,477,16,99,7,9,151,82,121,0.2,0.7290000000000001,0.071,-0.9491,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,12,8,3,1,6,0,4,3,0,0,2,20,17,7,2,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,7,5,8,2,16,10,3,30,0,1,0,1,0,8,1,1,20,61,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448304057592812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800217303615604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330753738115682,0.2018362169347077,0.21916559001375774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010753807692875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760625566698118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28832952447799104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538163407554929,0.0,0.15220072982257846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636062950348015,0.0,0.25202857893186986,0.0,0.0,0.11163560775437782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133245059888978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815787503914885,0.28353088540350074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904028543735341,0.0,0.0,0.10698092496723982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927011269344648,0.12823783628402624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024460722476003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371214668750801,0.14406589156662145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120214552867004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289478627932278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29163259419730764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662905538496975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482156919283294,0.0,0.3158267266561002,0.0,0.0,0.12166398891333224,0.0,0.0,0.15092348534163202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451647596039133
suicidewatch,throwaway1993040404,2018/04/03,"There's no other way out There is something wrong with me and nobody can tell me otherwise. My relationship of 10 months with the love of my life is crumbling, his dad passed two weeks ago and was sick for two months beforehand, and his anxiety is taking over his life. I haven't seen him since the funeral 2 weeks ago and when we do call or text I walk on eggshells because I never know what I might say will set him off. I can't do anything to help him, even just existing makes it worse for him. I am useless. I can't express my suicidal feelings because nothing could compare to what he's going through. He says he isn't sure he can continue our relationship because I've become a trigger point for his anxiety, even just me calling him yesterday to ask if I could stop by to see him and his family on Easter was enough to set him off. I'm a toxic presence without even meaning to be, it's just who I am. 

But I am not ready to lose him, I can't go through another breakup that I did not want. I can't be abandoned again. I can't explain to people again that he left. I can't be faced with people's sympathy and empty ""well fuck him, you deserve better!""'s when I know that I don't. I can't dodge reminders of him again and try to suppress happy memories with him, because remembering the good times hurts so bad.

And by ""again"" I mean I've done this before - I've been left before. Again by someone I truly loved and was so happy with, and it came out of nowhere, he blind-sighted me. I still don't know why he left to this day. But obviously it was something irreparably wrong with me. It look a full year for me to feel just OK. At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could and would ever happen to me. But I was wrong, the worst thing would be to have to re-live it. Because at least with the first go-round, there was hope that something good would present itself to me after the heartbreak I'd endured.

And it did, but now the cycle is happening again. And I have no hope that if he leaves me, I'll be OK. I won't be. Because now I know I am worthless, useless, a burden. I know now that it really is me, not them. Nobody will ever truly love me, maybe I could find love again, but I know it would end just the same way. I can't do this again. I won't. If I lose him, I will end it.

He was the only thing driving my life forward. We had plans, to get married, to buy a house, he was living with me. If that gets pulled out from under me I have nothing to look forward to but the whole thing happening over again with some other poor soul. 

I have friends, but two of my closest ones moved away this year for their master's degrees and will likely stay there. They are happy and have their whole lives ahead of them, I do nothing for them but bring them down. I like my job but I don't make enough money to have a very bright future, I only make enough to live. My debt is years if not decades away from being paid off. The only thing I would ever consider staying for is my family, it would devastate them and I love them dearly, but they too will be gone one day, and even now I can't keep burdening them, showing up at their house in tears and having them console me week after week. It would be fairer to them for me to leave.

What a testament it is to my weakness and uselessness that I can't even deal with the thought of this breakup without feeling suicidal; I can't even wait to see if it actually happens. If he stays with me, I don't deserve it. ",3.5978085991678235,4.248045147018029,4.468959778085992,89.23009708737865,71.87101248266295,7.494590846047157,26.503467406380025,7.523968598718282,1.1668235783633842,2705,85,601,29,49,875,275,721,0.107,0.7709999999999999,0.122,0.9678,3,0,3,0,0,0,83.0,3,1,14,6,38,40,1,0,21,2,85,12,1,4,6,113,133,41,3,21,29,1,3,2,1,15,5,2,0,0,42,36,0,5,16,1,5,12,28,19,1,6,20,11,106,21,82,85,11,90,2,9,6,6,66,27,1,12,50,435,148,1,0.0,0.0,0.0512262286133994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306490417811457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055044167433312974,0.08031499480643313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319779994757656,0.0,0.04907447520402193,0.0,0.09863902145813926,0.0,0.04383000381685586,0.19199784529768102,0.057975110525976085,0.08933645702748849,0.0,0.0,0.046426366226517135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072037684728518,0.060038749389789016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676476274462677,0.0,0.0,0.06770812115252743,0.054118646591074786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371922779710318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298758321997436,0.16271991393942944,0.0,0.20802935843669568,0.1424505310957142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897267993745464,0.0,0.0796270977823821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479782437050482,0.044651070577860816,0.0,0.0,0.04055646259694831,0.04852953214529695,0.05485152946723485,0.0,0.08950005043768243,0.0880583635958919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567983993992365,0.16764139475651973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03518538605529045,0.0,0.0,0.1042760748294481,0.0,0.12114124481983705,0.0561955363937344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052091846210255185,0.04665876670351686,0.0,0.0,0.17309481825161566,0.0,0.0,0.11116638850460836,0.17110350799272597,0.0,0.11123344902206714,0.051291490178192484,0.0,0.13905855999936118,0.0,0.0881628877143976,0.11745393058026375,0.0,0.0,0.23688783619531856,0.0,0.10511975393410933,0.0,0.05273692552072238,0.11436194446293554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055687465531262616,0.0,0.0,0.08379985879091385,0.05579244082268665,0.0,0.0,0.04048633783598419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110721442467356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114210950818131,0.11977135536270117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278497257395147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049623465257109436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033628775390843996,0.0,0.0,0.11271706652882442,0.059465070698863025,0.0,0.0,0.08349011241883855,0.0,0.0,0.08366128292064971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342328847429521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0444776980059526,0.12123652561489648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785373432185774,0.041921495482276916,0.043887040636477116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483906273912513,0.0,0.049474642452447565,0.0,0.03946869073929533,0.0,0.04588176251982237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437223758823278,0.0,0.0,0.08334818658607886,0.061218937138967186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03563974154207362,0.0,0.1538360008087645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043312757572856166,0.030962113935073074,0.08333402956513006,0.16842895375967262,0.0,0.04719809421426918,0.0,0.047367352885479344,0.1172145677358755,0.0,0.10120400778258684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053495512455578056,0.2610298723303036,0.17218069205472902,0.0,0.1014125656413114
suicidewatch,LilMsChris,2018/04/03,"So broke id rather not be around to see myself struggle I know its cliche but when it comes to bills and money sometimes i feel like i would rather die than struggle the rest of my life. I feel like i never knew the value of a dollar until i was deep in debt. My job runs me ragged and my body is breaking down. Im suppose to be the positive one but I keep thinking ""wouldn't it just be great if i was hit by a car right now?"" 

How am I suppose to stay happy when im living in the red and i cant get ahead?",0.3831578947368435,1.7191002982456176,2.4156491228070216,98.0482105263158,81.10526315789474,4.910877192982457,18.417543859649122,4.935628992294339,-0.7000603508771932,390,8,98,1,10,131,76,114,0.141,0.6809999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.8253,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,2,6,0,10,2,1,1,1,22,20,11,1,5,7,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,4,3,4,3,0,1,3,4,15,4,14,11,1,17,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,1,8,66,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725787978475334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869837328805316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184667406994016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499542828244334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000105230334272,0.2684507984286583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816239015490326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714436604378814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000754956804576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058970430979595,0.0,0.18644731263636968,0.16700121603840207,0.0,0.0,0.10325692676237257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327090460039289,0.18358267561183236,0.0,0.1659062898655085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490883770061808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731603982267214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045314316050086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972037379235112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582350899810987,0.0,0.0,0.20026088506553005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928373221477168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203894064635013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334684291975994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsaltbecauseitsawfu,2018/04/03,"A concerning post on r/teenagers https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/897457/im_sorry/?st=JFIZH86G&sh=31dddb4a

I’m attempting to pm him and help and would like others to help who may be able to relate. ",15.516666666666666,21.417360666666667,7.58666666666667,56.700000000000045,53.444444444444464,8.044444444444443,23.814814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.036837037037037,186,4,22,3,3,45,23,27,0.0,0.727,0.273,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,13,3,0,0.4213895374036082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565753877221204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648970488228257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586964276770603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40357469400578655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993430371150521,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jasmoonmoonrose,2018/04/03,"I've never really opened up about this before and I feel like I need to tell someone. I'm 19, female, and an engineering student. I've been depressed and contemplated suicide for years but I never really talked about it to anyone, I was always afraid of what others would think of me if I did and even if they were supportive of me I didn't want to burden them by putting my problems on their plate. I just need a place to vent out without feeling guilty about it.

Back in high school, I was extremely anxious about the future because I never really felt prepared for the real world and doing things on my own despite the fact that I mostly kept to myself. Since starting uni back in September everything has just really spiraled down. I wasn't doing well enough in class and I was stressed to no end. Cue finals week: I didn't pass two of my classes, my childhood role model committed suicide, and my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me saying that I was too distant. I felt like I was kicked to the ground and I've been barely crawling through life since.

I've lost any motivation to go out and I've lost passion for my major. I'm almost positive I'm going to get kicked out of uni. I haven't been keeping up with my friends and family, and even the people I still talk to don't know any of this. I blatantly lie to them and I hate myself for doing it but at the same time, I feel like they'll just abandon me if they see how pathetic I am. I especially can't face my parents. Back in seventh grade, one of my best friends attempted suicide and my mother's immediate response was to tell me I shouldn't talk to people like her. I'm afraid of being shut out of my own family for how I feel and because I feel like I've let them down.

People get along fine without me being around. I've never had much to add to the conversation in the first place. Even now that my boyfriend and I are back together he tells me about what he's gotten accomplished in the three months we were separated and I even though he tells me that he missed me I can only think about how he was more productive and how he managed just fine if not better without me.

I feel ashamed and selfish. I don't have a real reason to be depressed. I'm not poor. I have an otherwise supportive family and my partner. I made it into a great university. So why do I feel like this? Why can I literally not imagine any future for myself? I feel like I'm worthless and I don't deserve what's been given to me in life.

The only things that has truly kept me from killing myself are my younger siblings (9, 7, & 4). They mean the world to me and the excited looks on their faces when I visit home make me feel guilty for wanting to leave and never come back. They look up to me, how could I ever want to leave them? But at the same time, it feels like it's only gotten worse and worse. Ending it feels like the most realistic option for me. I don't know what to do.",3.2446425201422677,4.602269338898168,4.460097626478916,86.27903661900271,73.47412353923204,7.3455904768817595,25.041772519416426,7.893859768569023,1.2745887058140373,2310,72,480,32,46,760,250,599,0.146,0.705,0.149,0.3333,1,0,0,0,0,4,52.0,1,0,11,8,33,38,2,4,19,0,46,5,2,9,9,111,98,38,4,13,17,2,13,9,3,3,2,1,1,1,22,36,0,4,21,0,1,6,22,17,1,4,28,17,87,21,79,62,11,66,0,8,3,1,35,32,0,8,37,331,109,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937905295014314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934124427283329,0.0642500848414383,0.0,0.1209753883778348,0.0,0.0,0.06699061910443238,0.0,0.041463009259877774,0.0,0.0,0.05278838889954012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279850870892711,0.0,0.07229583843849541,0.0,0.050458801143678025,0.0,0.06223029637785271,0.05244485530753885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051080554075515205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734516331287767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214771622665764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504204278179903,0.06127137828370699,0.0,0.15666485074022707,0.05363904248824405,0.0,0.0,0.053293821552396745,0.0,0.16770452764041005,0.0,0.3298150854997118,0.2965408749727286,0.11387204613601135,0.06495879516747344,0.0,0.05043941893615415,0.0,0.0,0.09162801164773084,0.0,0.06196221587256755,0.0,0.06740160210285474,0.0,0.0,0.06537699370062779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854516059499777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265230123237125,0.059481401549367874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270738305589172,0.06560519321142512,0.0,0.06517799715646433,0.0,0.0,0.12557746026773642,0.0,0.06063690831622826,0.08376880945708311,0.2607330165579748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959189713700843,0.0,0.12946300768809446,0.0,0.0,0.05610983592198526,0.039582323100198616,0.0,0.0,0.06459363630554582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047331633146118005,0.0,0.043591345897776426,0.08793842578717245,0.2286739521439835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040182313873389185,0.13529793331955767,0.0,0.0,0.06584415619834433,0.0,0.0,0.12333069542573258,0.0,0.1239089794372696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056740819322406974,0.0,0.05961154237526031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498973859213284,0.15195298731221374,0.06096890957642768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047156682950939416,0.0,0.060013420471803934,0.04725336305892595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810494622390672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024357118439042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041971904273020985,0.0,0.04735599495589882,0.0,0.06792642684527175,0.0,0.0,0.19458936328189813,0.1345828573957981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298607575055053,0.20731860726438409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879080370277515,0.07599238751511937,0.058260642807802465,0.0,0.0691550634109429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792618476135064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492767692076957,0.0,0.04756581673024059,0.0,0.05331662637092475,0.0,0.1070156538316894,0.0,0.0,0.1714854071974278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086082277673466,0.04212407424607245,0.0,0.0,0.07637279939126601
suicidewatch,Thetirefromrubber,2018/04/03,"I'm guessing a lot of you guys are late teens mid 20s? 22 male here probably going to off myself at somepoint.

I'm socially emotionally and sexually starved, I'm 22 and I've never had sex, my dick is also laughable.

I know they say people with a plan are those most at danger of killing themselves, have been forming a plan for the past week, I'm either going to go out in the woods climb a tree and hang myself, or get a gun at some point and shootmyself 

Getting a gun is easy if you aren't a felon, just apply for a FOID card and lie on the are you suicidal part of the form. Wait 3 days and wammo 

I've seen a good amount of suicides and deaths because of the internet, can't say I like it. Wish we could go back to simpler times",2.4401397849462363,3.6450493096774252,3.91201612903226,90.02135752688173,75.25806451612901,6.973118279569893,24.52956989247312,7.492282038375204,0.9432473118279576,573,18,129,7,12,190,103,155,0.166,0.773,0.061,-0.9564,0,0,0,3,0,2,12.0,1,3,1,3,4,4,2,0,14,0,11,2,1,0,1,23,26,10,4,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,10,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,0,3,3,10,2,18,22,8,22,0,0,1,2,10,9,1,6,8,76,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398164084441641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443820971978251,0.0,0.1065784961414626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959244167978602,0.0,0.0,0.1127548548966058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666713990180545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268934776678836,0.0,0.3974536595634787,0.14664427015069684,0.0,0.0,0.1926017338096832,0.17311527924093026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934302992416972,0.0,0.0960853773673043,0.0,0.19722279599067247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541611307518743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863944514080238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348444195551556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893305161169468,0.1669008912291675,0.1212093746146282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527667669074791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850294381404492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780734526625109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822344041975832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824847488070908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194836685068773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402430160392222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105294760417008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LegalizeSlimyDicks,2018/04/03,"The whole world wants me to commit suicide Its so obvious. People like me (ugly, stupid, anxious, shy, small penis) are not wanted alive by the world so a lot of abuse and jokes are directed at people like me. The whole purpose of this shit is to make sure that people like me know our place, to keep out of everyones way to work to death in some factory for our betters. Suicide prevention is only a thing because attractive, popular and succesful people with big dicks sometimes kill themselves too.

I know society wants me to kill myself. The normals can act like theyre against suicide but i know the truth. They wouldnt go through so much effort to communicate that my traits are bad if they thought someone like me had something to contribute to this world.

I cant live in a world that doesnt want me. Id rather go somewhere else but thats not an option. Suicide is the only solution.",4.647975708502023,6.29451686549708,4.928304093567252,83.15753036437248,70.40350877192985,8.068556005398111,30.11291048133153,8.617729084823388,2.3575979307242463,708,29,132,12,13,223,106,171,0.206,0.665,0.129,-0.9532,0,0,1,0,1,6,18.0,2,0,2,3,5,16,4,0,10,0,11,2,2,1,4,30,23,8,7,8,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,2,0,16,11,21,20,5,15,0,0,0,1,4,11,2,4,5,83,24,1,0.0,0.13914480593173809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267149308995546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805581019013884,0.07158910425109627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038643522265566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810436525651364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221702519087544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348542388749415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438427499809004,0.2598554560078365,0.0,0.19362253211634048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868713316965321,0.0,0.10369989031248604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984157329341704,0.0,0.0,0.07839076539188049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863304298926244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150642886288447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786337556457791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256668416105019,0.0,0.12269769655037766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054840164122455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950482166485153,0.09040949660480753,0.11614916779952306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138323685945267,0.0,0.1106839088997868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780205774237511,0.0,0.0,0.09323264033613647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770718597049637,0.09321680440140996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26223062752753074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549625010567267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nao1998,2018/04/03,"Im so depressed, i can’t take living another day I am 20 years old, im living with my mom and stepdad. When i was 5 my mother started dating my stepdad. And ever since then he has abused me psychologically. Always told me i wasnt good enough. Told me i would get nowhere in life. And i guess thats true. I feel like a burden to all of my friends. I feel like my dad is the only one who ever loved me, and we just found out he has an inoperable tumor.

 Last year i started talking to a girl from my school. I’ve always liked her, but when we started talking i fell in love with her. We talked all day everyday. For the first time in a really long time i was getting happier. But in december i told her how i felt about her. And she rejected me (really no suprise there). After that i fell deeper in to depression and started having anxiety attacks. I just cant take it anymore, i feel so alone even tho i have close friends. The loneliness and depression has destroyed me. I see a therapist but its not helping at all

I will be gone before next month, just preparing the last things",0.9348868778280559,3.2541848778280564,3.074794570135748,88.76285248868778,84.83710407239819,6.250932126696832,22.86714932126697,7.554174236665415,1.1167584072398191,842,31,177,15,25,285,128,221,0.196,0.6940000000000001,0.11,-0.9664,0,2,0,0,1,1,25.0,3,0,0,1,14,16,2,0,9,0,15,3,0,1,6,35,36,17,0,1,7,3,4,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,14,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,7,0,2,9,5,39,9,17,24,4,36,0,4,1,2,26,8,0,1,28,118,45,1,0.0,0.12345854337282372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791853565841332,0.0,0.0,0.17340350332361884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926153067748308,0.07971179943394067,0.0,0.10333721396784798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185411815510957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866550713072609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439921614554898,0.0,0.269238830180278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766521805887364,0.0,0.06882232695585018,0.18850756642768915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805813754289433,0.1488792920079709,0.10004719186563428,0.0,0.0,0.08863144898387228,0.0,0.11424860973020864,0.1610074741370271,0.0,0.10887914831034504,0.0,0.0,0.08739701265441065,0.0,0.0,0.11478672947622375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984226153546197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251051766590758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698718640802052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359869640085588,0.1527188162411933,0.0,0.1840189049123668,0.09221266210738407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808697661153506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203637924875405,0.083170490798548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108166095778338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933911609450672,0.0,0.0706078059033799,0.07924788540099742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335048433047665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545475199916986,0.08303295568442018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619432697386963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950097975584548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566890649853565,0.2512531536957333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098284192654925,0.06922505498745214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151832047157166,0.0,0.0,0.29869926611188513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401984036056163,0.0,0.0,0.1342012262585875
suicidewatch,sinisterelvyren,2018/04/03,"I'm messed up. For as long as I can remember I have lashed out at people who probably care about me (excluding family, my family doesn't know) out of fear of being someone that is disposable in their lives. In other words, I give people a reason to leave so that I'm not surprised when they do. I regret every word I say but they just keep coming. 
As a first year student in university I made a large group of friends and had a particularly close relationship with one of those friends - we spent countless nights getting to know each other and so many personal details about each other, and we were basically inseparable. This person has since become the fourth person in as many years who decided that they were bored of me after I became emotionally dependent upon them. Since this happened, I have spent the last couple of months of my first year at university personally attacking all of my friends that I made here. Now I know everyone is sick of me and no matter how badly I want to apologize, every time I think to do so a fear so strong grips me and I can't help but to lash out again anyways.
What is wrong with me?
I care so deeply about all of these people and yet I continue to drive them away. Why do I do this to myself?
I hate who I am. I hate having to live with myself. I thought I had gotten over my depression and had recovered completely from my first suicide attempt several years ago, but I'm back to regretting every morning that I wake up, every night that I survive instead of passing away in my sleep. I don't want to deal with me anymore, I haven't wanted to in years but the fact that not even going to school in a different country has changed how horrible I am convinces me that I don't deserve to be here anymore. ",5.6963192137320044,6.032047898255817,6.509036544850497,77.57228682170546,67.11046511627907,9.808194905869325,30.91583610188261,9.725611199111238,2.7765115171650057,1383,50,268,28,21,458,174,344,0.181,0.731,0.08800000000000001,-0.9896,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,2,0,6,6,21,20,3,2,9,0,27,3,2,6,3,52,53,23,1,5,7,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,4,20,20,0,1,8,0,2,4,8,12,0,4,11,2,50,8,56,40,4,45,0,3,0,0,25,19,0,1,22,202,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769865057618344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226198233765674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880341330371684,0.16319521651889354,0.06678161332140818,0.07251538850627459,0.0,0.09591803096920072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770969344943578,0.0,0.09187485444010862,0.07481282776137486,0.09105965119760362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609690070381306,0.0,0.0,0.08953763041828272,0.07480302082261289,0.0,0.0,0.0907388467539317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976935717704446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057363025454671986,0.0,0.2926965215092929,0.08298805713761871,0.0,0.0,0.16374724417458508,0.19545881367106194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162145436063987,0.0,0.0,0.20129824678638625,0.0,0.04537508125826618,0.08331359082638225,0.04935835701299345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680039104769766,0.0,0.0,0.17149105349877408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821313523503303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719548939276975,0.0,0.0,0.1431900171214646,0.07079362537041536,0.0,0.0919606793206687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337873032686916,0.0768587392736988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435747679419233,0.0,0.17610275476304307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932213994762533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300403383837875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885121219357189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806307359339828,0.3033332107972414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363804181843614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929536128752569,0.0,0.09324345378543986,0.09838312408776942,0.0,0.0,0.06906590704147153,0.0,0.08789594730101315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811478632903256,0.0,0.14368498105047328,0.0,0.08691184259006225,0.0,0.07358697855111834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499884240281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055649410046918514,0.0,0.06894850108658443,0.05064242099000417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367758558902336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836782336038457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495588022153152,0.0,0.27963993294131034
suicidewatch,SofistikatedApe,2018/04/04,"Don't know what else to do. So my wife told me she's filing divorce papers as soon as she has the money. We have been separated for 2 months now and we were working on our marriage. Things were really looking up last week and we were doing great. Then I screwed up my dosage and missed a few doses of my Zoloft... I had severe anxiety over the weekend that lead to us fighting and me becoming very insecure. I accused her of cheating and hiding conversations in the secret messages on FB. Today she walked out on marriage counciling after I got upset when she said she didn't want to go any more. I just think I'm done with life. I just fuck up everything I touch. I can't make friends. I'm already screwing my kids up because I'm a shit father. I'm just so.tired of feeling this way. I thought I could be better. I thought I could fix things. But I can't, I never could and now I never will.",1.9687463837994241,3.941884196721311,3.4388363870138217,89.58095467695274,78.61748633879782,6.054516232722597,24.972356155576982,7.048011613610866,1.004640244294439,700,26,146,8,17,230,118,183,0.21,0.7440000000000001,0.046,-0.9787,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,5,0,0,3,8,12,6,2,5,0,19,7,1,2,2,29,37,12,0,4,4,2,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,5,11,0,0,6,1,1,3,6,9,0,0,12,4,32,3,21,20,2,27,0,1,1,3,24,10,4,0,13,102,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171345872530484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197879349716684,0.0,0.1259693394899767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037910444136372,0.18186109324707667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563404262352486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944181459645032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851089039653802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375576413373894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799153575730406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832602756793225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272208463114614,0.15223142639389148,0.0,0.0,0.09358370555109513,0.0,0.13169875657992913,0.1815452789670772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049634287613363,0.13422508755336895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630874273039613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827829734257904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991609559620266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143514342105392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540017463916203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548950750855528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566354474163737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602615301007028,0.16902768550004094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879406850307925,0.10551157532557286,0.0,0.2614534443347735,0.0,0.0,0.1560844860787796,0.15734579458104533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807339524377046,0.0,0.0,0.13586701900664644,0.09712450460874966,0.13070451771375555,0.1320854474760817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987909484942125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,that_guy1988,2018/04/04,"I don't get it I dont know how to start this really.  When  I was 15, my parents split.  It wasn't messy or anything, it just was. I lashed out anyways, and got myself in a stupid situation, where I let myself get raped.  I never told anyone, I never spoke about it, I did a pretty good job holding it inside.   Almost 3 years later, I meet this girl.  She was everything I ever wanted, and I fell in love hard.  We did 4 years at different universities, and still, through all that, we stayed together.   9 years into our relationship I proposed.  She said yes and it was amazing.  My life was going where I dreamed it would.  A few months later, I find out she's sleeping with my best friend, regularly.  I loose it, I break it off, I move home, I quit my job. I fall apart.  I am fighting depression already, and then I see in the news... the man who raped me, is missing and presumed killed.   I see his face, and it all comes back hard.  I'm spiraling, I cant sleep, I have night terrors, I've put on 75lbs.  I live alone, I have a job, and it's a struggle to force myself to go... I'm so tired, I dont want this anymore, and i think about how easy it would be, to go for a drive, and put myself off a cliff or into a wall just to make the pain stop.  I dont know what to do anymore. I'm just so tired...",0.8169230769230786,2.4461301501831545,2.8893128205128207,93.79735384615387,80.83150183150181,5.833201465201466,20.443809523809524,6.742157984588678,0.12793022710622726,973,26,231,10,25,329,149,273,0.18,0.713,0.107,-0.9518,5,1,0,0,2,0,56.0,3,0,0,2,16,15,5,2,11,1,22,10,3,3,5,44,46,18,1,4,5,1,2,0,1,2,4,2,1,2,18,18,0,2,5,1,0,10,8,10,0,0,12,6,45,5,22,30,4,43,0,2,2,3,19,15,0,3,16,151,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031648575447736,0.10670303818788884,0.11369087196183852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434663278127432,0.07203761648513471,0.0,0.08478096268446778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922002074248559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081185930361784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887470887912827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873545526143063,0.0,0.0,0.10763940798194714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622343073084419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931921932433652,0.0,0.0,0.0925924081861993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416316789652132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959701526972755,0.0,0.10765283136157752,0.0,0.17565478903146836,0.0864126511898604,0.08239866533219521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458068902574107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334267746837178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067098469187973,0.0,0.1139821212294647,0.0,0.1132399130270078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535024891103632,0.07276974677914957,0.0,0.0,0.09097314061186017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298426690827956,0.0,0.06877012213973592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223373308059767,0.10949948490904426,0.0,0.0,0.15891877370925672,0.0,0.0,0.0966821726785508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962607842749657,0.0,0.11439729427920488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481366835929318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071375669238638,0.0,0.10957998363257992,0.0,0.0,0.06600058232121707,0.0,0.0,0.11061051052229627,0.0,0.0,0.09800055935218598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641954940769668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158046432995319,0.2061992105406414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292176803231831,0.10981115707482036,0.0822760591621147,0.0861336817858389,0.0,0.10770430998819114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601438927517976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368246274735451,0.0,0.09844499527406902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215338665092797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463722947029944,0.0,0.0,0.19903455624606425
suicidewatch,quirpel,2018/04/04,"who cares anyways I have no friends and my family doesn't seem to care. I harm myself to make myself feel better, but it's just not enough. I'm constantly spied on by my parents, I have no trust from them even though I've done nothing to make me lose it. I don't leave the house. I'm nearly an adult and yet I'm still treated like a child, though I don't feel as if they care. They know I harm myself, yet nothing is done. Therapy doesn't work. Nothing does.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, I don't know if I'll ever get the guts to end it. Maybe. I'm not sure. I'm just numb. I hate myself. I'm a failure as a child. I don't even see any possibility of it getting better or of me having a decent future. I don't see a point in going on. I just wish someone would care, because I sure don't.",-0.7199720670391088,1.1607740279329626,1.8759189944134107,97.55410195530727,88.05027932960894,4.473854748603352,17.329888268156427,5.6839178017228535,-0.6360460335195532,617,15,152,4,20,212,91,179,0.223,0.6559999999999999,0.121,-0.9629,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,4,13,17,1,0,8,0,16,2,1,2,3,25,42,10,0,4,9,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,2,4,24,12,14,39,1,13,0,1,2,0,10,5,0,4,8,92,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802258990174785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994036509896305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294459028327413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679130528370288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398595586960558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040389884055473,0.23482403560135004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016196641684984,0.11855018656225515,0.0,0.22734082131714345,0.1037828537911803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081603602204384,0.0,0.11602522480470567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864267607030063,0.0,0.11988684533079826,0.0,0.06520558805523972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327539718002022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238684337481893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916329138725305,0.0,0.0,0.1214860164710305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056052903259992806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835723402554972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317075997109775,0.0,0.11526503808615488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302691359758697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739777070468938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846006960682897,0.1293445758678958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285519807930545,0.1044489026728236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721316713137047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162617512646823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626958683207476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120754704452944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254498027487173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352897292504752,0.0,0.13193765223515724,0.0,0.0,0.08352722120966387,0.0,0.0,0.08150325650438503,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigmilkies,2018/04/04,"Indecisive but I know I'm in a bad place. Not even sure why I'm posting or what I want. I'm 17, female, austitic, and have been in and out of therapy my whole life. Now I'm just exhausted of it all and don't know what to do with myself. I know everyone keeps telling me that it'll get better, that the future holds a lot for me, and I know that if I wait long enough it will. But right now, things are just getting worse and worse and I'm sick of suffering through it. I brought this on myself I guess. Putting myself out there has only been an epic failure and the few people I thought I could fall back on are either turning on me or giving up on me. The thought of dying doesn't scare me, it's the idea of pain and more self inflicted suffering. To be honest I really wished I could have died in some freak accident so it would be easy and quick but unfortunately fate has also let me down. ",2.7714133738601845,3.8263985425531963,3.957781155015198,90.60500000000002,74.21276595744679,7.499088145896658,24.06686930091185,7.957251820313856,0.9789273556231,698,20,161,10,14,228,112,188,0.26,0.65,0.09,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,0,2,7,0,19,4,0,0,2,43,40,17,2,6,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,13,12,0,3,7,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,5,0,21,3,21,27,8,23,0,2,0,0,3,13,0,7,6,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413236645209987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097421339000424,0.1191644388249316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262233948502662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789908402064546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29623966666172913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746692175567205,0.0,0.09426458133110302,0.0,0.0,0.13637416087372956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912961803435962,0.1369091099395649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722111522593674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111242677672385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685524221537334,0.0,0.0,0.3137386125821691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145939890119183,0.10080668018086973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630186120494347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213346259628868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854426272875756,0.15186312329851334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894341383022434,0.0,0.1491110228571433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668539120184914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347205663439486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142947293740533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218812822007405,0.0,0.0,0.14288665874001386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888708683904442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451100822498105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474273344395112,0.0,0.1632116627974138,0.0,0.0948161899582512,0.0,0.0,0.2266059552061033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523733506506218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417938878863755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878173702211548,0.15934071378041822,0.16411985508408874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290885793579125,0.10138351274085064,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilessthanthreemath,2018/04/04,"I'm so tired I'm so tired.

I'm so tired of looking for jobs and being rejected by literally everybody.

I'm so tired of being told that I'm not good enough.

I'm so tired of worrying about money all the time and whether or not I'll have somewhere to live in five months.

I'm so tired of having to sit in and audit classes despite having already graduated.

I'm so tired of being used as a free IT guy for one of my former instructors, but if I don't help him, he won't help me by acting as a job reference.

I'm so tired of coming home to an empty apartment every night.

I'm so tired of taking medication just to be able to function on a basic level during the day.

I'm so very tired of everything.

Every night, I go to bed and hope that my heart will finally give out so then I won't have to wake up in the morning and feel tired anymore.",3.130036630036628,3.4416954285714283,5.301923076923078,84.06391025641027,72.73626373626374,8.264468864468865,26.155677655677657,8.344100000000001,1.5261413919413918,656,20,146,10,12,231,98,182,0.235,0.7340000000000001,0.031,-0.9877,2,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,7,0,12,14,2,1,1,19,32,23,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,3,12,0,2,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,3,3,5,1,0,2,1,2,7,4,29,24,2,20,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,3,8,86,10,4,0.07182775049042292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926370877634481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123382779418905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618732469838196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046322956904783504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421726702459631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210359553873153,0.0,0.06455415066070412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036318268830381216,0.0,0.0,0.07868378974955144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890372328595566,0.04082136587486696,0.06024570926682685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112076572836397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511623016828601,0.09628925417946256,0.0,0.07204909021869628,0.07134116319138467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255591831605186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342521962843553,0.0,0.060317220130732575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723589019564931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733222516474365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481095618000402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867234264910415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400552929495542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041883338934434015,0.9081097618977418,0.0,0.06863449370422316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062036114473840574,0.0,0.05926541656516951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294456722500436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcgriddleandacoke,2018/04/04,"I want to stab myself I've wanted to kill myself for a long time, but I keep living because of my family. I want to make sure they're well-off before I end my life.

The thought of stabbing myself makes me feel calm. I don't know why, but it's always been the way I wanted to go. I sometimes hold knives up to my chest for hours, just thinking about what it would feel like to die.",2.3478455284552844,3.1873955731707326,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,74.97560975609754,5.954471544715448,19.764227642276424,5.46131890053228,-0.3146894308943091,295,5,69,1,6,96,58,82,0.127,0.732,0.141,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,3,2,1,2,1,18,16,2,2,5,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,14,3,12,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531563874747626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111199146253232,0.0,0.1690599632099635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061959315322602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596934019126315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729551390054688,0.0,0.20091467947161526,0.1419352826374956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129130311613526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956573678867528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765937366397166,0.21980727443612072,0.0,0.1091879865515942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403318303642581,0.09706381617351678,0.0,0.17543591809921305,0.17582338124319807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652376170424683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964971788105682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872512412320819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730455288624115,0.0,0.15772778355788125,0.11585047812319565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687406702198213,0.15770099286659572,0.0,0.0,0.17863497919980276,0.0,0.17927558809968228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113483239557764,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sudden0,2018/04/04,"I'm too lazy and it's killing me I am thinking about suicide a lot more lately, i mean, i always think about suicide, it isn't something that pops in and out of my mind, it's just that i'm starting to convince myself that i should actually kill myself for good now.
The reason is that i'm lazy.
I am a shitty person,
I'm so lazy that i only want to stay in my bed and watch youtube or play videogames, i only like the good stuff. But when it comes to work, i start to feel really depressed and sad in general. I'm such a piece of shit that i only want to have fun. I'm such a fucking idiot because i could never get a job, because i'm too lazy.
And i'm thinking about suicide despite having friends, a loving family and being ""happy"" in general. I'm a spoiled little idiot. There are people that are going trough far, FAAAR worse situations than mine, but i still have the courage to post this. I'm useless to the world, someone like me could never do anything good except live off of someone else.
The fact that i'm like this is ruining me. I was a curios kid, i enjoyed science stuff, i enjoyed my life. i was constantly asking questions to my parents about black holes and the universe and gravity, particles, atoms or whatnot. I was active and full of energy. I think that from when i started middle school, my life went really downhill. I started loosing interest in everything i liked, i started to not enjoy the things i used to enjoy so much. Sometimes i would just start to cry for no goddamn reason (i still do, by the way) and now that i'm in high school, i really feel like shit. I could never do something productive with my life and i know that. The reason i haven't killed myself yet is because of my own lazyness and because of my parents that i love more than anything in my life, and it would absolutely destroy me to see them sad, but now i'm starting to loose interest in that as well. I know people go trough much worse but i really needed to talk about this (or, well, write about this). Thanks and sorry for wasting your time

Sorry for typos",5.257681159420287,5.392232033816427,6.031685024154591,81.31355652173914,68.03381642512078,8.459748792270531,30.811207729468602,8.109356740369918,2.118517990338164,1618,59,318,19,25,532,182,414,0.197,0.638,0.165,-0.8722,3,0,2,0,0,4,50.0,0,1,1,2,25,40,9,0,17,0,25,9,2,4,4,61,69,26,6,9,11,2,2,5,1,3,4,0,1,2,25,17,0,0,14,1,0,4,7,15,2,0,4,5,50,25,47,58,8,44,0,5,3,3,13,16,3,5,26,217,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.0690151147561925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884691898856724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639744721777995,0.0,0.06611614068578102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244750960376976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060921309786020186,0.0,0.07642607128695622,0.0,0.16939886889966824,0.0,0.07768552165038231,0.0,0.0,0.06091332383531831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059079707892438486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356096701055007,0.0,0.06667103013928143,0.0,0.07151900422766623,0.05052428277367441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054640152047060346,0.0653819599984357,0.03694967112749425,0.0,0.08038663550343778,0.17795643657505164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528558715709054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472237373427212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018132783490343,0.0,0.2347324361417252,0.0,0.07773464927829793,0.0,0.0797782414769234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981402644131696,0.17275759784012942,0.07088268530449017,0.06244940489773786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012587686871485,0.1276599245495861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703771031453888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140972631448511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397858580398388,0.05243995661788683,0.1636370270137873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136331052681402,0.0,0.0,0.15705828998754756,0.0,0.0,0.09806037591851208,0.06175229922570735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773275918506794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922556537207609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122698902743253,0.2181440214291924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315021620464194,0.056356803904051525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519158932922274,0.0,0.07949523353608118,0.0,0.0,0.11984616143180835,0.10889151845890566,0.06994651958252222,0.15833645650227607,0.3504050416371829,0.07538094611587498,0.11295841602142695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192105198889098,0.23207733541878914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684419556222795,0.0,0.0651119238753525,0.0,0.0,0.046984993091207565,0.18126490070345566,0.0,0.0,0.041238952058953664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108167151418736,0.0,0.0,0.08342811501701812,0.05613635601537336,0.0,0.0,0.1271763304323883,0.06556061479940467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051486939127885926,0.0,0.14414486605782714,0.1004786977369298,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadWorldWideWeed,2018/04/04,"Killing myself? Its more likely than you think Wooptee doo Im new to this reddit stuff so yeah, instead of making the 76 pages long homework i have due tomorrow I decided to submit a post here to ""give me some time"" or something like that.
Honestly, I know youll think im delicate as a flower but ive been trough some stuff and honestly its haunting me. From bullying, to a very premature suicide attempt,to my dad dying ,then doubting my sexuality, then getting an ed and being in rehab just to be forcefully removed when things were getting better, and finally, changing cities because economic problems. I honestly dont care what the future has for me, even if I imagine myself doing what i love i just feel...eh.
Probably because I cant believe myself being happy or something like that. The future just seems very unclear and bleak to me. I keep thinking about my friends in rehab and my old school, and the surroundings, and all the things we would talk about and how everything would have turned out. It hurts, and honestly i can't live stuck in the past, but moving on seems just way too hard and boring. But guess this is my punishment for not being grateful enough. Its like theres a big guy in the sky that keeps giving me poison and expects me to kiss his ass when he throws me crumbs. It sounds dumb and obnoxious but thats just how it feels to me.",3.88871759419288,5.869610144486692,4.5513601797442105,83.72395005184931,73.03041825095056,7.519460767369512,27.924127203594885,8.296473431620573,2.0202638783269964,1080,42,201,18,22,345,160,263,0.2,0.635,0.16399999999999998,-0.9385,1,0,2,0,0,2,30.0,1,2,0,1,17,22,4,1,12,1,18,6,1,3,1,51,37,27,3,5,13,1,2,4,1,3,3,1,1,1,18,14,0,2,9,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,3,3,31,14,22,27,6,28,0,1,0,3,12,9,2,10,18,141,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314406651577827,0.0,0.0,0.13228084000586082,0.0,0.1038395849429054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970729825354022,0.0,0.12420418946114585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185302124962505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760362061710552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131589366679592,0.0,0.07754818361406036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552051821995666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873202601568315,0.0,0.0,0.12861689271572893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071065829860687,0.0,0.12268373590927277,0.2252607001719704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934032846041416,0.11625433808744105,0.0,0.12498510556000984,0.1051762792486473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568981053348904,0.0,0.25364584930747736,0.0,0.0,0.20871876746940976,0.1298967457003209,0.0,0.0645254537594675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294423399505489,0.0,0.1036751622460907,0.10390413647640943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059670897719112,0.0,0.07837207248829545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247882263650082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133952890601356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320202216549897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208110988890314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244630448258568,0.0,0.12658781510635492,0.11234549305567768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882516666797585,0.0,0.2137712700032843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077587547770474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881267104939305,0.12842746029143207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436969347126586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600394558888248,0.22569472063895946,0.0,0.0,0.06846270276829569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770834170575945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937510571968566,0.0,0.0931945761105077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668093604288205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jvsiii,2018/04/04,"Up and Down I'm 21 and I'm selfish. This isn't my first time considering suicide. I've thought about it many times before. But I've noticed a pattern in my life. Things always seem to go well for a couple months and then something in the universe has to kick me back down again. It feels like an endless loop of happiness and satisfaction straight to a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. But every time I go down, it feels worse.

Recently I've lost my job as it was in sales and it was a performance based job, and I couldn't keep my numbers up. Now I should also mention that I used to be an avid pot head. My personal opinion is it's better than alcohol. However that point is neither here or there. But now I can't find a job. I could go in and find some position that doesn't require drug testing but I'm already miserable with my thoughts alone and I'd rather not be miserable doing my job. I understand it's me being picky, but regardless, I have some standards. But often those standards seem impossible to meet.

Maybe I can see more negative things when I'm depressed but it seems like life has to kick me when I'm down. Car now needs fixed, I need rent money but can't find a good enough job. And it's all falling on me. Because there's no one to blame but myself. 

Here's one of the big reasons I'm selfish. I grew up in a very strict Catholic household. However for about 10 years I've been an athiest, meaning I don't believe in any after life. So when I die, I'm dead. Which makes suicide a hell of a lot easier to consider. Once I'm dead I won't have a ""guilty conscience"" of leaving anyone behind. And honestly it seems like the more I think about suicide the more enticing it sounds. I know it would tear my family apart if I were gone, but then again, here I am thinking to myself that it won't matter to me because I won't have any consciousness. So I end up asking myself almost every day ""Am I ready?"" And I feel like I get a little bit closer to saying yes every time.",2.169369808833224,4.073333590243909,3.6399143045484514,88.70282465392222,77.73170731707317,6.773895847066577,25.22742254449572,7.730073105063049,1.3212445616348043,1572,58,329,24,37,518,205,410,0.198,0.718,0.084,-0.9954,8,1,3,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,0,5,23,17,1,2,18,1,30,6,1,3,1,67,65,33,6,9,14,0,3,4,0,5,5,2,1,1,22,13,1,2,19,0,3,7,13,8,1,3,8,6,39,9,41,47,10,51,1,5,1,0,5,22,1,12,26,211,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841075027760313,0.08283983975733841,0.08568094596815226,0.09129207211964896,0.0661573103628719,0.0688360720811959,0.0,0.0,0.11251534326104423,0.0,0.06328646268831402,0.0,0.0,0.05784513009712852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733923039982965,0.0,0.0,0.06361249344072784,0.0,0.10086007394553684,0.0,0.07039517798640835,0.0932057865150717,0.0,0.07316592626394935,0.09031722014981852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605133539965542,0.09153662455375196,0.0,0.05335252144811259,0.0,0.1425064904773628,0.0,0.08585828971380774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959378656075858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732721857246019,0.08547982674959985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910496125284164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798831128757619,0.0,0.12548882969932826,0.11820136824954455,0.0,0.0,0.22683485225206004,0.07036813782854713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322180785034509,0.0,0.14104817204502695,0.06938806826217989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806517305056308,0.0,0.0,0.08490248529602526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104723768576583,0.07353217926942701,0.0,0.0,0.045464979415209314,0.0,0.0,0.08759668745851679,0.0,0.0,0.17529905936478188,0.16166629841481106,0.08291488694381023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030705508548333,0.07033213064024736,0.0,0.0,0.05522138094046082,0.08387290135043088,0.0831110922015838,0.09011471579696716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603245943598518,0.0,0.0,0.12268307995478732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418603271765252,0.0,0.08810229864437542,0.11211685862169384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223463511328793,0.0,0.0,0.07820441475537157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505785202959773,0.08168362162989196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578838605633261,0.0,0.0,0.06592326467522963,0.3012487576295869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368782378500018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714720237503568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992121343818208,0.10601713721867093,0.0,0.1313531031965157,0.19295674439877628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612245137651181,0.0,0.07145016961733212,0.0,0.06825901496149991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438213588010151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430659209209095,0.05876738322857431,0.0,0.0,0.05327392530749833
suicidewatch,aphyrodite,2018/04/04,"Perfection She has attempted suicide numerous times. No one would’ve guessed her true desire is to die. She loves to read Foucault, Kafka, Dostoyevsky and Gibran. Her romantic encounters consist of only women, but even then she hasn’t found a true suicide partner. She’s intelligent but problematic. Her looks would turn heads whenever she walks past by. Life must not go on forever. Dying young is the goal. 

That girl is me. ",4.214266666666667,7.4608429600000035,4.337333333333337,78.8086666666667,79.4,8.133333333333335,29.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,3.2092666666666667,342,16,55,9,9,106,61,75,0.18,0.628,0.192,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,4,12,13,4,4,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,9,4,5,10,0,7,0,0,1,1,12,1,0,1,4,32,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442329543672068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413566047004791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465924907730276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121631132696516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357645122031453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964379911300555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511669583662923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972088019041593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931592375483098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450238628847148,0.16277002690077494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204304013409336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407551370098624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682010304058469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479538218596907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327896893794123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30406392159778806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BelgiumSyrupWaffle,2018/04/04,"I’m Considering Killing Myself Tomorrow I go to a school right by the interstate. It would be easy for me to sneak out, run up the exit ramp, and jump in front of a truck.

Nobody I know really cares about me. All the people I know at school couldn’t care less, even my friends, about me. My extended family hates me, and my father’s been dead for years, with my mother just barely taking time to interact with me.

I am terrible at everything I try to do. I’m supposedly good at math, but I can’t really do it. I have terrible memory, and I have little to no social skills.

Since I was nine I’ve wished I didn’t exist. Now, at thirteen, I have a death wish. For the past two months, I have had suicidal thoughts, ranging from jumping off of a building, to strangling myself, and I settled on this.



I don’t know if I’ll go through with it, but I don’t have much to live for. I’ve considered trying to get to see a therapist, but I think that will only prolong the inevitable.

Please don’t tell me to contact a hotline, because I did that. They didn’t help much.

I also generally just hate life. I didn’t choose to be born, but here I am.

Edit: I’m giving myself until Friday, because I need a plan, but also in case I don’t want to do it in the end.",2.4913218390804563,3.649122298850575,4.464250957854407,86.29959482758623,75.0536398467433,7.82536398467433,24.16111111111111,8.395991825355821,1.3648527203065135,964,29,211,17,20,331,143,261,0.128,0.775,0.097,-0.9164,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,1,2,9,9,3,0,13,0,27,1,0,0,1,30,49,13,4,7,8,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,6,10,5,0,2,8,2,36,4,38,36,4,29,0,0,1,0,10,14,0,1,9,145,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480816035759084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374280347051615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27386686837984064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895483155641252,0.0,0.0,0.08870753289388307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070514620382725,0.0,0.12661129650821668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376411580310048,0.0,0.0701690937912766,0.12883809806333862,0.1526578503701127,0.11264910266462927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651978020453272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002216266989407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485891648909023,0.0,0.2214324131825141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486396451131428,0.0,0.13460941982802468,0.11859423956328848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720138906441687,0.0,0.1974600291945503,0.09958584534174483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214540414318392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282098210286143,0.0931105407040268,0.0,0.0,0.14742713575131072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207911738508272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469618490103492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718487239695828,0.10702411518833324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109891852691428,0.0,0.0,0.13690756970222742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690844617299956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009810406092262,0.0,0.1173889489986101,0.0,0.0,0.1559390666444555,0.0,0.08605755768867228,0.0,0.10662358513421084,0.07831463194608722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823692714680972,0.0,0.1311969830081418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921687864635066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30888945217449204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540679186562072,0.0,0.0,0.0864883550099228
suicidewatch,AmberHarten,2018/04/04,"Feeling left out and very betrayed I'm leaving school this year, and since I've been there for 5 years and my depression began around it I decided to let it out for the last term. My friends took it as a joke at first, then just ditched me later on. The thing that hurt me the most is that I've been trying to communicate to a friend of mines on discord for the past 3 weeks, and she ignored me all the time. Meanwhile today she just said ""I called (anon) yesterday and his voice was low, I'm afraid he's depressed"". She knows of my cuts, and my attempts yet fucking just lets go off me immediately because she's ""Busy with stuff"", yet is afraid (anon) is depressed because he just toned down his voice a little? This really hurts me, and I can't fucking handle this bullshit anymore. Oh she's just over there tying a noose, let me pass onto (anon) instead, just because he toned his voice a little last time I called him for 4 hours! And I will just ignore her over there hanging on that stupid noose she made. I've been trying to tell her I want to talk face-to-face in private, she just doesn't care. Nor does anybody, and I'll fucking just end it on July if it stays that way, I've had enough of this bullshit. I tell them what's wrong they ignore me later on, I try to communicate better they let me go off like a fucking helium balloon. My own family tells me to ""get over it"", and my big sister encourages me to just end it all. And the fucking friends I thought were decent didn't give a damn about stopping their hurtful jokes until I've told them I hanged my fucking self. This world is very fucked up, and I just don't want to be there anymore. I've built up my trust with you for 2 years to tell you this, now you just let me go? That's why I hate people, they don't give a damn till you're dead. Or at least I'll watch their fake-ass cries from below hell on my funeral.",5.174636363636363,4.677608715384615,5.392867132867131,87.97258741258742,68.25641025641025,8.21911421911422,28.240093240093238,7.1686216300943375,1.2313589743589741,1469,41,330,11,22,465,189,390,0.189,0.73,0.081,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,3,7,3,22,36,13,2,14,0,22,7,0,1,2,45,49,19,2,3,14,1,1,1,3,1,0,4,0,1,21,17,0,4,4,2,0,7,6,26,0,1,13,6,56,10,47,29,7,63,1,7,1,7,43,28,10,3,27,203,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037190640897005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674894895832359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386443876273135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705028491603185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548267461878475,0.0,0.07729623013074899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832768309342227,0.0,0.0,0.19589243128872247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634431609675152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429532516355705,0.07833491668590732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146958644503201,0.0,0.03833324342246988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448635220435195,0.0,0.0,0.17571840701751432,0.4906141606938326,0.03960907322483462,0.14545314424378744,0.12925853064972934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484947141774577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466036359640155,0.0,0.24347759898923674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166474722801874,0.1235951457668172,0.0,0.08027483764239726,0.08237085872762888,0.3876187621444315,0.0,0.03703831798332037,0.151968739473263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173593030430392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237192209394977,0.052559068750695985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856763849085082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211535976081927,0.0,0.0,0.07672662871932152,0.0,0.0,0.07908931307637737,0.0,0.0,0.0627131542017941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080638672421889,0.0,0.06338291832791611,0.0,0.0,0.08678754924151301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093547887509425,0.26505501071472404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036667377624357,0.0,0.0,0.06018691653105515,0.08841413858231066,0.0,0.07186169575480868,0.07244240540840631,0.08423084068774164,0.15441579983261006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510704463018174,0.08943273961267031,0.06017669354393241,0.060812477130963286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684092847412123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288942539663413,0.0,0.14646292555267726
suicidewatch,DrunkenPandaFR,2018/04/04,"Here's why Bohemian Rhapsody is my favorite song ever. Just for this line that echoes to me so fucking much :
Mama, I don't wanna die... I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

I feel like I hate my parents because it is their fault if I'm alive. I also feel sad because I feel this way about them.


I wish you the best. For real.",-0.00996478873239326,2.0660074929577483,2.1642077464788763,95.3536355633803,86.74647887323944,4.113380281690141,20.142605633802816,5.148860815047168,-0.2823676056338029,256,8,57,1,8,86,55,71,0.121,0.652,0.226,0.802,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,2,1,6,6,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,12,12,3,1,4,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,13,2,6,11,3,5,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,1,4,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296020498529344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636863404628687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269740481916624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244660084748684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563896242368214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280752132925464,0.15451151784925662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994872415252665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353316432230302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566419629089012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899175836261273,0.0,0.1668095948602241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24015496553895785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461756508964251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390789370293667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167415544156936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516037672850192,0.0,0.4974260091139708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSweetestAssassin,2018/04/04,"Alone I don't even want to post this, I'm being prodded to by a friend. They're basically all I have left anymore... I feel abandoned by basically everything, even life itself, and dismissed as another useless peice of garbage. I don't even like myself anymore, I just hurt everyone that knows me. I don't expect anyone to actually be able to help if it's any consolation, all the anti depressants and therapy never did anything so I can't ask any more of anyone on a random sub Reddit. I can't even blame you if you don't want to try and save me, I'm not worth it anyways.",3.306153846153848,4.688828333333333,5.4150427350427375,79.39384615384617,73.35897435897436,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.295010256410257,453,18,89,9,9,158,76,117,0.192,0.713,0.096,-0.8011,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,3,18,17,7,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,1,1,13,3,11,14,3,4,0,4,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,59,18,0,0.17623184515725165,0.0,0.1719768591241888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825230428392612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23968739590880864,0.1847944555850241,0.0,0.0,0.3495492709731368,0.2464508074568943,0.0,0.14502379263805562,0.0,0.1647529856716406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178822999888847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655978865769933,0.0,0.0,0.16839708029756228,0.15838581893236334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910811608597675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615628640649918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812449100104327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865983515455514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685241323751152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147641541077354,0.0,0.12447776402940774,0.08609797772949265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592086333390765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878139267917186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015364736949168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964985469963835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078922165668206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unafilsyntax,2018/04/04,"Suicidal thoughts, I don't believe this is wrong Hey guys. I have a lot of physical and mental problems. I hope to see a therapist soon. I have made mistakes, really bad mistakes. I'm 23 years old and I feel like an old man. I am agnostic. I feel that death is not a bad thing. It is quite interesting. Perhaps something good will happen, maybe nothing? Maybe I will be in peace. Recently I've been contemplating suicide, but not so much. It's kinda like a last resort if anything goes really wrong. Is this wrong? Am I noble for being optimistic about death? I have considered the pros and cons. The benefit is that I won't hurt anyone anymore directly, and I won't hurt myself by not existing. But on the flip side, my parents and siblings will be heart broken. I am generally happy, but sometimes these mistakes I make, I can't tell anyone. It's not like I killed anyone or ever physically hurt someone. I consider myself to be a really kind and good person, many people say the same. But I have no friends and society generally sees me as a problem. Im all alone, constantly dealing with anxiety. For the past 3 years, there hasn't been one day that I haven't been anxious. I have been trying hard to stay optimistic this whole time, but in the end I just secluded myself being a shut in. Any thoughts on my views on suicide? Is it okay if things go really really wrong? The probability that such a terrible event may occur is hopefully only 0.00001%, but there is still a chance and a chance of something bad happening means that I need a plan. A backup plan. I'm afraid of pain, my physical condition has made me want to stay away from any pain. Is there even a painless way to die?",3.0508105369807517,5.217262495440735,4.5757537993921,81.78954761904764,76.02127659574468,8.277244174265451,26.77213779128673,9.029198982220553,2.3661038703140838,1327,52,254,32,30,443,176,329,0.222,0.574,0.204,-0.8784,1,1,2,0,0,4,46.0,0,0,0,3,11,33,1,1,21,1,37,3,1,3,2,48,56,19,7,11,14,1,3,3,1,6,2,1,0,3,15,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,11,20,0,1,8,7,30,13,22,37,5,28,1,3,3,0,9,9,0,8,18,163,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828498308379168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879755178371413,0.0,0.06119531791824385,0.0903706379715116,0.07933271744528501,0.16780134214878134,0.0,0.06582838254629146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515715205888072,0.0,0.2003753613676755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012603162386873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644527483106862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158961921820365,0.08247047245480578,0.0,0.0,0.08302131469773764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085108741287865,0.0,0.0,0.05283539209809012,0.07235930275979356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089490761459749,0.05714784806370565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180329409822296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045462527916344836,0.1341906220276387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920680085200865,0.14147715334499555,0.08515527702813906,0.0716590601422281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947934716839591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890451255917995,0.0,0.0,0.2569062270493007,0.0,0.08640742618105504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850169238648667,0.08330161389432511,0.0,0.06520592184327606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724332631234476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800817918351025,0.0,0.15138482780229004,0.053396726866833465,0.08110152858666363,0.16072978307721214,0.08713709769918737,0.0,0.0,0.08061530434378815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058804916143225285,0.059314660372137035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675655958346203,0.0,0.16788084117579502,0.0,0.05420611704228063,0.0608391678007669,0.17023886493558507,0.0,0.08882405450028953,0.0,0.07636348282818613,0.055457882392552345,0.06984782009758675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862472405449369,0.15308722653237647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508364205332816,0.0,0.0,0.25623155504195805,0.0,0.07898458820448168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361457141115953,0.0,0.0,0.12748998659879698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777879713011936,0.12316683405861585,0.07911627546684886,0.0,0.0,0.17052627445799226,0.06388344417699382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625019015698553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991842683466122,0.0,0.0,0.09287939209656623,0.10628913857040047,0.0,0.0,0.12701286449278731,0.046645241400625835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054310787654226284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04718263159312112,0.06349564542632569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931062941028647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34984425063063207,0.0,0.10302724018566843
suicidewatch,410757864530deadpigs,2018/04/04,"A few thoughts before I test hanging myself My wife will be gone from the house for a couple hours on Friday. I'm going to test hanging myself (with the easiest, cheapest way of doing that possible, to leave the exact method vague). I'll try to not kill myself right away, but it's fine if it happens. I'll leave a note on the stairs before I try it warning my wife not to come upstairs.

I feel at ease as I think about what's led me here. I don't enjoy anything anymore: hobbies, home life, vacation, it's all anxiety-inducing or cripplingly dull. Work sucks and I feel stuck in a field I didn't even study for, and I'm not even 30 yet. My wife has zero libido and I'm so fucking sad that we share basically no intimacy. I tried to rebuild my social life after neglecting it for years, but it hasn't worked. I don't do anything in my life that benefits anyone else. All I do is consume and take up space.

Medication barely helps. The ""counselor"" I got referred to likes to hear himself talk more than me. I can't even live in a good state where I could just use weed to cope. 

Things could get better, but having to stick around just for the chance of that happening isn't worth it. To exist in such a state of misery is worse than nonexistence. My dogs have helped me not kill myself for this long, but I didn't socialize them well so I basically fucked up their lives. Maybe someone else can be the better human they deserve.",2.9193749999999987,4.640508854166669,4.003888888888889,87.73,75.04166666666666,6.883333333333333,23.805555555555557,7.6454224807358475,1.0475805555555555,1122,34,231,15,24,364,168,288,0.158,0.71,0.133,-0.8316,0,0,1,0,0,4,34.0,1,0,3,4,14,17,5,0,13,0,21,6,0,2,3,33,42,13,2,3,12,3,2,1,0,1,4,1,1,1,14,8,0,1,5,0,1,6,12,8,1,1,6,3,33,9,36,31,4,29,0,3,0,2,16,15,3,2,6,149,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118618568703192,0.07839216818943691,0.11487323989138198,0.18451925008914305,0.0998045326407732,0.0,0.0,0.10533405804850383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080018052236372,0.0,0.0,0.1983100595603701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657560938714216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902656230843988,0.12405114234270302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731241374051666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214916767664045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133756224268414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072937253631945,0.05857452865550685,0.0,0.06371652495321163,0.0940352473650838,0.08966718148759821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828269532224707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635974386206392,0.0,0.15029425241327396,0.0,0.11245869794871773,0.0,0.11040893539932714,0.12936359997585728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248073327630234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374234181703903,0.0,0.0,0.23756664255226964,0.05477285483936824,0.0,0.19799604949555397,0.09921666917551264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126327956620462,0.0,0.0,0.11294227136423347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639080700978514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574407486502552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285706122565282,0.0949931650652288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429518663049004,0.09011235716740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448303977330595,0.07183762261277396,0.0,0.08900537124469944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283525454083884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682982308797226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899025332843902,0.0,0.0,0.10080324646883146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323951468605186,0.0,0.11425294637014775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219723606472139
suicidewatch,GopnikGarrick,2018/04/04,"I just wanna kill myself I should have been an abortion, I’m a disappointment. ",0.8520000000000003,2.9771142000000026,2.879999999999999,83.32000000000002,107.0,4.666666666666667,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.5823333333333336,63,2,11,1,3,21,13,15,0.471,0.529,0.0,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VendorTrashCash,2018/04/04,"I know there are people who care about me. I know I'm loved. I know I'm not worthless. I know that suicide would absolutely destroy my family. I still want to die. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like everything I need to turn my life around is within arm's reach and yet I just stand here and do nothing. It's like someone placed a magic curse on me, like I'm physically unable to tell anyone anything about what's going on in my head or how I feel. People look at me and say I haven't tried anything, and while they're not wrong I feel like I'm giving 110% effort and literally can't get off of any starting block ever.

I don't know if I'm actually capable of suicide, but I'm the closest I've ever been and if I have it in me I don't think I can last until my college graduation. That's less than 4 weeks now. I'm scared. I just want it all to end and nobody knows. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have so much and yet I'm so helpless...

I'm sorry if I'm not in immediate enough danger to warrant posting here, but I want to thank you if you read this whole thing anyways. The people who respond here are amazing and I really appreciate you for doing such a thankless job.",0.9327445302445304,2.6386024208494234,3.3345801158301183,90.37643902831405,80.77606177606178,6.015508365508365,21.21637709137709,6.996647511020387,0.4140384813384812,933,27,213,11,24,323,133,259,0.1,0.735,0.165,0.8502,1,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,3,0,1,20,16,2,1,4,0,17,4,2,1,3,46,53,21,3,9,12,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,12,11,0,1,13,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,1,6,34,9,24,51,5,26,0,2,1,1,10,11,0,5,17,133,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.10387163465828726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723839292880023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442643261357786,0.0,0.1751847135989538,0.09475557947533654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852429204202192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046956248472448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427565266297766,0.10998261313816657,0.0,0.0,0.19256501891536384,0.0,0.0,0.09566283512199646,0.0,0.10034365529034668,0.0,0.21528025866519584,0.22812567334758574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055611336062504686,0.10210846944050164,0.06049320691503149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923977679710653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562685102318807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679801008025399,0.08676410008279642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518284084375715,0.2600099145047517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938412519298876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606768814456927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824681386875257,0.07892508814267864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213357359960963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137958281699596,0.0,0.11120880361702352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194161730112684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064703917381702,0.0,0.06818920631002015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464662234065483,0.106566597605159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018761136179912,0.0,0.0,0.1191526422943208,0.07533990322459161,0.0,0.08500438898063054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285964030969786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303463875712056,0.09799711255384068,0.0,0.0,0.07071506080998234,0.06820347111192285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226685065403628,0.11577788132953945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883460176924444,0.0,0.08538102074054528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883823078579325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756130495409658,0.2327543320993408,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HonestConsequence,2018/04/04,"I'm lost and tired and alone I don't want to live since I can remember, but lately it's getting too hard. I've found myself searching for quick and painless ways to kill myself and it physically hurts to think about having to live another day. I can't stand this anymore. My mother passed away two years ago and since then my life got a lot worse. She was the most important person to me and we did everything together, she was the only one I talked to about what was going on in my life and she always made me feel secure but now I feel like I'm lost and alone. My siblings don't care about me, whenever I try to ask for help they blame me, judge me and then ignore my problems. I don't have friends, they all left me and found people who are more interesting than me. I have a kinda abusive father and he's the one who takes care of me. He left the house and went to live with the woman he was cheating my mom with, and I am left here alone. He doesn't give me the key, I spend my days locked inside this house, I can't leave, and he doesn't even clean the backyard. The house looks abandoned, it's full of trash and cockroaches and I have phobia of insects. Since I can't open the doors, the air doesn't come in and the house gets really hot, to the point I sweat all day and feel weak. I ask him to help me but he doesn't care about me, he says it's all my fault. I want to find a job so I can save money and move out but I'm too afraid to do it, I get very anxious every time I think about it. I'm trying to get into college but it's hard to study for the exam when I can barely get out of bed. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to stay in this situation, I don't want to be isolated from the world, I'm so fucking tired. I just want to end it but I still have a girlfriend and I know she would blame herself if I did it, she would probably kill herself too, and I don't want to be the cause of that, I don't want her to die. I'd move in with her right now if I could, but she lives on the other side of the country. I have no options. I can't stay in this house anymore and I can't leave. I want to kill myself so badly and I don't want to ruin her life too, but I feel like I will soon. ",1.2824553383774706,2.3779706618852465,2.9518852459016403,96.18571668768392,78.03688524590163,6.0707019756200085,19.480033627574613,6.42735559955562,-0.22498755779739368,1705,34,427,13,39,565,198,488,0.252,0.6779999999999999,0.07,-0.9982,1,3,0,0,0,2,43.0,1,0,2,2,21,25,5,1,21,0,43,8,1,2,3,80,88,39,4,16,11,3,7,2,2,3,6,1,4,2,19,32,0,3,11,0,2,6,19,16,0,3,13,9,74,9,52,69,7,47,0,5,1,1,38,21,1,6,18,271,93,3,0.0,0.07598499477179503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684844651453608,0.0,0.0,0.1992617718569984,0.0,0.0,0.05336230257336933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724716338354599,0.0,0.07245001091705919,0.19080277756153805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990804497151475,0.0,0.060253381069164384,0.0,0.05354687999131666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961581223007356,0.06588041646090807,0.0,0.055243357202764666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120355125455146,0.0,0.0,0.12407797132329774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655806898359876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680121521513159,0.0,0.0,0.042358058106444316,0.0,0.054033308770654216,0.0,0.0576369946255278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970666294642402,0.09163069574449877,0.0,0.0,0.05861476235784304,0.0,0.0,0.14063311903525494,0.04954761228462285,0.059288268481044584,0.16752954654048258,0.06152049849722496,0.03644724346080876,0.0,0.051291585605506035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489793158807302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597159390737821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699940185649663,0.06865378465163957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636403284198197,0.0,0.2128550397619348,0.0,0.035244834789304534,0.0,0.07234279608232315,0.13581137909997468,0.20903623569971727,0.0,0.13589330657357301,0.062662537758923,0.0,0.226516126720406,0.0,0.05385406293662312,0.0,0.14001357870324815,0.054522059762905306,0.0,0.060682499720819336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510969582058566,0.0,0.1363226499198305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691393265858406,0.04877467361401022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04446050481622151,0.05599689724662791,0.0,0.0,0.06062472068172235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914428911099109,0.061364905031595335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041084094074752484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264815713209295,0.054767701300376566,0.0,0.05099971070997028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914999413259506,0.07208616488345235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367106697865919,0.05121526562091533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048218687255023034,0.051546235814328725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218537727649564,0.0,0.0,0.037395423165758085,0.14741877923118782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708176121769079,0.0,0.06264687167319771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291496303622939,0.3782624811274228,0.050904367918407294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945027240086485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535517992428752,0.09111394042325056,0.0,0.0,0.04129839538456732
suicidewatch,linkmat1,2018/04/04,"Bye, lil world Hi I’m just a boy who just entered high school; I have friends, good family, but I feel worthless anyway I want to kill myself and end my suffering, I think that would be better from everyone. My friends wasting time with me and my family paying for many things a nice school, but that’s just a waste if I’m gonna suicide some day and all that will become worthless. And I just feel I’m becoming a shame to my family from straight A’s to C’s and B’s, my friends are the reason I basically live for. Anyway I’ll maybe suicide now, tomorrow, in a year but before ending high school I’ll suicide for sure. Thanks for reading this and bye",2.6924762550881947,4.280565276119404,3.95493894165536,88.4047829036635,75.34328358208955,7.260786974219811,24.86838534599729,8.00094639256281,1.3025462686567155,513,17,109,8,11,168,78,134,0.282,0.541,0.177,-0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,1,1,7,0,5,0,0,1,2,24,14,10,4,3,8,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,13,8,11,10,2,13,0,3,0,0,8,5,0,2,9,61,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28352478794331865,0.10922402650261967,0.0,0.0,0.11352307498796704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278091459269217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273758909178125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226524933009028,0.0,0.0,0.36301623020031737,0.0,0.1298043005493789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975094575898777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766141124463408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27123659124477656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201017859363008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334331916411162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301358454086135,0.12895383457997867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839370237179926,0.0,0.0,0.13197439583334014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897183809100328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42121162791226596,0.0,0.12097680696629888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817569088573887,0.0,0.0,0.08527599384783288,0.08224724289737384,0.0,0.0,0.0748471456672087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570944417419602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911825270828455,0.0,0.0,0.0826589660844135
suicidewatch,AltruisticRegion,2018/04/04,"Can't handle it anymore 22 years old. From singapore.Suffering from OCD, severe social anxiety, borderline personality disorder and severe depression. been bullied and outcasted for as long as i can remember, I have 0 friends. everyone i knows goes away in the end.  Currently a bartender but managers are really toxic.the only reason to why im still alive was my girlfriend and she broke up with me one day after my birthday. Everyone comes to me for help, i do my best because i know how it feels like to be kicked when you're down, but when i need somebody nobody is ever there. My life is a mess, im not good enough for anything or anyone and i just want to die",3.8537286931818215,5.956860835937505,5.265369318181818,78.03815340909092,73.453125,9.029545454545453,29.60511363636364,9.573946990214177,3.090600000000001,529,23,95,14,11,177,98,128,0.189,0.675,0.136,-0.6817,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,20,16,12,1,2,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,1,14,4,17,13,2,16,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,12,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069207121100516,0.0,0.15646344048838404,0.11031503838784833,0.0,0.12982960305225744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822820857676305,0.0,0.0,0.09617389493653712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556775922323005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590314317021265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174729388203428,0.0,0.13588532812642254,0.0,0.16373825263751762,0.0,0.18081577097127124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973560034178673,0.163016495138574,0.0,0.0,0.14271016833560896,0.0,0.3015081276319428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977222998884019,0.11270947488621855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189114831207792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323282945538918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574854993408224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34083297835746723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341030925403764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143618849566488,0.07707746479999934,0.0,0.0,0.13961969571197472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169829564911261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555095330350367,0.0,0.10690766484585264,0.1199896564380684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775691284770988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107020647869218,0.16221175743018654,0.0,0.0,0.17872036385364412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564658161597684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082458520907775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599371089328718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305564095226153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142361060753581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159740509702436
suicidewatch,BonesMcHurty,2018/04/04,"I just needed to talk about this. I'm in my second semester of college right now and things aren't exactly going my way. I barely made it out of a pretty depressing first semester. I'm in a STEM major and I enrolled in ROTC last semester because it's been my dream for the longest time to go to space one day, but I'd settle for being a pilot, too. Anyway, in my first semester, I was depressed because the shift in difficulty of academics was incredibly jarring to me, and I had trouble making friends, which made me think something was wrong with me. I was failing a math class, and ROTC was inherently stressful, and I just felt alone, ashamed, and just shitty a lot of the time. But I just barely passed the math class and I made a lot of friends. Second semester rolls around, and things are starting to look up. I finally feel comfortable in ROTC, I get a 92 on my first chem exam. There are still things I'm sad about, but I'll talk about that later. Anyway, I'm feeling generally happy about the semester so far. Then I get a 52 on my first math exam. I dug myself into this hole again. That's okay though, I'll just do better on the next one and the final. My academic performance starts slipping across the board, but I'm only in trouble in my math class. Fast forward about a month or so. I'm told that I don't medically qualify for ROTC because I was on ADHD medication 2 years ago. This is devastating to me. I was finally feeling comfortable, I had finally made friends, and I thought ADHD wasn't going to be an obstacle for me anymore. I had never identified with a certain group or felt like I was a part of something worth being a part of before, so to have that dangled in front of my face and then ripped away felt horrible. It's okay though, it's not the end of world because I'm still eligible to apply for Officer Training School after I graduate. Two days later, I meet with cadre. They review my case and tell me that because of a certain skin condition, I don't medically qualify for military service. Which means I can't be a pilot. I went back to my dorm, and for the first time in my life, I seriously considered suicide. It felt like I was in a nightmare. Like I was presented with a puzzle that I couldn't solve. I wanted to hurt someone, or myself. I didn't do anything, though; I didn't really know what to do. A week later I take my second math exam of the semester. A week from that, I find out I failed, and I'll have to drop the class. I studied really hard and I thought I got at least an 80. It's incredibly frustrating to go from high school, where I never studied for anything and almost never got below an 80 on a test or quiz, where I was good at math and science and academics in general, to college, where I can actually study for quizzes and exams and almost never get above an 80. It's even more frustrating when my friends and people on my floor talk about how they got Bs and As on the same exams I took. I'm running out of ways to convince myself I'm not a fucking moron. I just feel like such a fraud, in more ways than one. I've also never had a girlfriend, so that's always a reason for me to feel like a waste of skin. I've never experienced mutual romantic love. I have friends, yeah, but they don't need me. I've always had a problem with comparing myself to other people, and that's all I've been doing recently, and I just start to feel awful if I'm alone with my thoughts for too long. I feel like I have nothing to be proud of anymore.

Sorry for making this really long, I've never talked about most of this stuff with anyone and my friends and family aren't very good at comforting. I'm pretty sure nobody knows I'm unhappy, and I'm too afraid to change that. I just need to talk to someone.",4.568762101424014,5.056310751642581,5.895322481160664,80.45776234278206,69.60446780551905,8.998053045133952,29.328246936093755,9.070445807138313,2.3107985250341927,2946,105,593,53,49,995,290,761,0.155,0.71,0.135,-0.9601,1,2,2,0,0,1,85.0,0,0,3,10,42,45,4,3,42,4,45,9,3,8,12,113,106,50,1,7,20,0,14,6,7,0,4,0,1,0,30,39,0,0,20,1,1,10,19,18,0,12,38,16,80,27,101,62,11,104,0,6,1,2,20,42,1,11,56,402,110,32,0.0,0.0,0.05284143514620432,0.0,0.1301527126555188,0.0,0.04799965985812614,0.0,0.10844443856269607,0.11216368969634403,0.0,0.043302790059321236,0.09011230842036108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740215414209804,0.0378621124530454,0.0,0.08911972660003707,0.04820392808930851,0.0,0.0,0.050874596826184684,0.04163709850815964,0.0,0.16504308380568228,0.0,0.04607665572880865,0.0,0.0,0.047890229018162304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728226939254433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984301576744943,0.0,0.09327659491270804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047959780381287793,0.0,0.0,0.035764783490436984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104668633358124,0.0,0.19165488501160327,0.1160517788425783,0.20796542716121924,0.2372695326602999,0.049491038512757886,0.2302947839431089,0.0,0.0,0.2510114540248085,0.05005970954614793,0.08487156722644773,0.0,0.1230960841427953,0.09083491865368493,0.12992326863419518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764242347866792,0.04850670486852756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721119901920761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057967429424990925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059517548336519364,0.044138513682070765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038246911407741405,0.15872626339083185,0.0,0.0,0.0958399996403224,0.045471369253248684,0.0,0.0,0.09207077708674788,0.0488714222071986,0.2049476827969524,0.07228951275481613,0.0,0.0,0.058983936892353324,0.0,0.16364771167298262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322106978614156,0.0,0.0,0.1204519869226995,0.2923403453822706,0.0,0.057587882072601335,0.0,0.0,0.05195725111449639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007792104250506,0.04118261600279573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727578590332888,0.0,0.0750799446297456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101776291794628,0.0,0.051813105710630636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406735779471817,0.05567400320738481,0.0534654250501289,0.0,0.0,0.04624279456708355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960298903312334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176023526429346,0.0833728108827304,0.0,0.060615168337411936,0.11498043589841425,0.0,0.08648663174002229,0.0,0.06202728788037856,0.0,0.061987441430056064,0.05923001800285836,0.0,0.05103461998466975,0.0,0.04071317210848775,0.2176138432755492,0.04732845349365752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792220547823402,0.03469637603531402,0.15960281578333976,0.12896433863833162,0.09472383339876007,0.0,0.0,0.051741515938072115,0.060161329008220125,0.0,0.0,0.05289552689395434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467844563694241,0.03193837570665114,0.1289424335325515,0.08686983092199352,0.0,0.0,0.0501964966269535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920323187887825,0.0,0.03487006334709188
suicidewatch,Throw33335,2018/04/04,"I think I'm done I hate almost everything about my life. I'm a 20 year old male in college and I think I have anxiety/depression but I've never been diagnosed.  First of all, I've never had a gf, I'm really short (5'2), I have shitty grades in college, 1.94 on probation and my grades are even worse this semester. I feel super bad because my parents are paying for a big chunk of my tuition. I started out in computer science but switched to IT after getting a D in the second intro class. My only support are a few friends here that I don't want to leave because I have no one back home. I feel like a failure compared to my perfect brother with a 4.0 at Stanford.",3.366131386861312,4.4430603941605895,5.08438686131387,83.01125182481755,72.7956204379562,7.8157664233576645,31.21824817518248,8.238735603445708,2.33534802919708,522,24,104,8,10,178,91,137,0.16899999999999998,0.677,0.154,-0.2871,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,1,0,8,0,10,2,0,0,4,16,22,4,0,1,2,2,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,2,0,3,3,2,16,5,16,19,2,17,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,9,68,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562940403468929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022330097962036,0.16312126184798326,0.238184866299336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826722435017738,0.1982909337939568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992579193873602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903646092683385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558108509713646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756440088892926,0.13956849321823336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617700983915862,0.0,0.0,0.15093818797160474,0.0,0.1020699283802735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288207385070769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959666003097281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686287917891025,0.0,0.0,0.13799177872156607,0.09544526433183394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013544120600644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500226025130164,0.0,0.13238409380469926,0.14858356467138858,0.0,0.0,0.2169292435004732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515555095724806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828005350685427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216974073982944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25036346560189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523108954482515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909319495889505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258083826456366
suicidewatch,Dahak4,2018/04/04,"Suicidal ideation Hi there, 
I'm not *exactly* suicidal, I'm *kinda* suicidal, in the sense that if a car was starring at me, I'd think twice before moving out of its way. What I'm trying to say is that I don't want to live anymore, but I'm not taking action upon these feelings. 

Have you guys dealt with the so called passive suicidal ideation and how did you manage to get out of it? ",1.39357594936709,3.5315638481012677,3.347325949367093,88.65238132911396,81.40506329113923,6.481645569620253,23.799050632911392,7.6454224807358475,1.2404037974683546,300,11,62,5,8,101,59,79,0.048,0.8029999999999999,0.149,0.8493,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,14,5,4,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,11,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,0,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622773620117344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597873218956881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917448221181596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949474315288623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810752840528526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593215623276768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581356688555365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958088775196609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493305411034072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8216052838741762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118751967118265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032212230850428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749059104303145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075776744520344,0.14905137107565194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RCVLocke,2018/04/04,"I’M LYING TO EVERYONE I have been struggling with depression for the last six years. My depression ended my marriage and makes it difficult to maintain friendships. I’m, yet again, taking an SSRI. It’s strange; I feel as though the antidepressants make me tolerable to be around-for family and coworkers-but I don’t think I’m any less depressed. I think about suicide every single day. I have a plan. I’ve been asked about suicidal ideation, by my primary healthcare provider, by my partner, my boss. I always deny wanting to end my life because I know what such an admission would yield. I worked as a behavioral health RN; I know how inadequate the mental health system is and an involuntary admission to a local psych unit isn’t going to help me any.  

I’ve tried making positive life changes. I left my job as a registered nurse to work in a more creative field. I quit drinking alcohol-March 25 marked a year sober. I took up yoga. I left the city and relocated to a quiet suburb. I got a dog and started tending plants. None of it matters.

I feel so hopeless, like there’s nothing to look forward to. It all just keeps getting worse and worse.",3.464696373962425,5.947320917431201,4.480589777195282,81.42860856269115,76.06422018348623,7.638619484491046,29.188291830493668,8.563005593585519,2.526475054609,912,41,164,19,21,296,142,218,0.206,0.728,0.066,-0.9841,1,0,2,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,0,4,10,7,0,1,15,0,9,5,0,5,1,25,32,12,2,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,5,7,1,2,6,2,0,3,3,6,0,1,4,4,24,1,22,26,5,18,0,4,1,0,4,6,0,0,11,95,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313584360432682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227487883041082,0.0,0.0,0.1671724250188428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942014450425308,0.1149086544137744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492766168759905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002745715766553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926981452349904,0.0,0.31759875902552004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040961416790599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773188649647374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356093798101457,0.11745026547055785,0.0,0.0,0.11587304222874308,0.0,0.12429873334366545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421785885038757,0.0,0.06985525790480021,0.0,0.0983061159253786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613051616532455,0.0,0.0,0.08238713404134887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197387601322993,0.10925223502070047,0.0,0.0,0.13510141180725171,0.10019188760607113,0.0,0.0,0.2670943674511169,0.0,0.1736365785511429,0.060049914897209025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321739309872276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246139554761568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238691101025348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179399719138846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073491579816224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699965894796696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849713451881653,0.0,0.2688974689720248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241655922902528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575175563503511,0.12076307096759975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656275690751055,0.0834510145493872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249827604460328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896673440715946,0.0,0.2505211651429741,0.08731507794043111,0.0,0.0,0.1583060767679436
suicidewatch,Docinghton,2018/04/04,"please i had a long post typed up on my laptop earlier but there's no time for that anymore

i'm sitting on my bathroom floor crying with a noose around my neck i made with my tie

why shouldn't i let it take me",3.0386524822695016,3.077779531914892,4.07744680851064,93.73333333333336,72.82978723404256,7.117730496453903,24.177304964539005,6.42735559955562,0.4074453900709223,166,4,41,1,3,54,38,47,0.156,0.807,0.037000000000000005,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,7,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,25,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209419455292792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880884948111513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554790090224987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309211743527216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28639161094846194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30621503159772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552352154068393,0.0,0.0,0.30993644120492303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243320346217242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887041690601949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920147713948437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,edintw,2018/04/04,"Feeling like I would be a burden to other people I have anxiety problems, and I am becoming a burden to other people. 

I thought I became better, but I didn’t. 

I had anxiety attacks again, and people are tired of me I think. I feel like a burden to other people. 

I am gay, and my anxiety is that I will get HIV. Having sex with my boyfriend gave me anxiety. He says he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

I see a therapist regularly, I feel like I am trying, but it’s so hard sometimes. 

I don’t like myself. It’s weird that I searched all day on Wikipedia, looking up suicide. I don’t think I will kill myself, but the thought of it gives me serenity, like my suffering will end.

I cried when I thought how sad my parents would be. I think they would just want me to live, even if I have HIV, even if I am not outstanding at anything. 

I think this anxiety is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend, I am trying hard to fight it. Sometimes I think he will be better off with someone other than me. Someone better.

It’s hard trying to stay strong and positive all the time. It’s hard to tell people and watch them go away. 

I don’t know, I feel ... disappointed, that I am not like everyone else, that I am not normal. 
 
Maybe I am not the person who can make my boyfriend happy, and he deserves to be someone that makes him happy. Not everyone has this anxiety problem. 

Haha. So stupid. I am so stupid.

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suicidewatch,addy-Bee,2018/04/04,"this is never going to be better i can't hold down a job.  i'm too much of a fuckup.  I've started self-harming again--scratching myself deep enough to bleed, beating my head against walls and desks.  there's no point.  i've been fired 5 times since 2011 and it's never going to get any better.  there is no magical 'right fit' for me, because at the end of the day i'm just a useless piece of shit fuckup.  
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suicidewatch,wakedashbake,2018/04/04,"I hate this place and I want to leave. I feel like every belief I hold no one understands and those that do are just unreachable. 
I feel like an alien on earth.
Like the only one of my kind.
All ive ever wanted was to feel like i belonged to something or someone.
But the more time goes by the more I feel myself slipping into psychosis and the further  away that goal gets.

Its not worth it anymore",0.8203703703703731,3.2673510987654346,1.991222222222224,95.21350000000002,87.39506172839506,4.227654320987655,19.21111111111111,5.6839178017228535,-0.2258651851851852,313,9,65,2,10,99,58,81,0.101,0.7290000000000001,0.17,0.7126,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,19,13,5,0,2,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,10,5,8,12,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,6,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909186320046508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808698998158398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413671862731822,0.16219835253474355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893562604501319,0.4125885003948303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057876176006728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006420854281045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004700038096246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203840764582708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762035167338656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609001190242545,0.14641286801797496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011324409118133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311347504171764,0.1482039455098252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122543884101308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041016213813928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270952960700195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SocialPsycho6,2018/04/04,"I just had a wonderful time... so why am I in pain? I just went to a show. It was about a popular youtuber. For once in my life I felt happy. But once it ended, it felt like a knife went through my heart, and I forgot what joy even felt like. Why does it hurt for me to feel emotions, even happiness? I don't want to live. I have no reason to live when all I feel is pain. I'd rather feel nothing. I wish I could remove my emotions.

Thank you for listening to the ramblings of a madwoman",-0.3399358974358968,1.703979750000002,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,88.03846153846153,5.38974358974359,19.243589743589748,6.816661863887847,0.07781666666666665,370,11,89,5,12,124,65,104,0.13699999999999998,0.64,0.223,0.8952,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,6,0,7,4,1,1,1,18,21,4,0,4,4,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,8,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,8,7,15,7,13,12,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965122314766378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201832231696284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30896790948973585,0.12163849131576075,0.0,0.0,0.18141760747966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832286863911004,0.0,0.39559085661907467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923923909570281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274323095461984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470204951868339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700412646052034,0.13419037825412178,0.0,0.24253952849955795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177711799838246,0.0,0.0,0.2925156546805236,0.0,0.0,0.2922693137142747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120376911269902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264400785106533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800814355602995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810040372401028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546227722686393,0.2478478585245477,0.0,0.1579290494309964,0.0,0.14893449343224635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweedish_cookie,2018/04/04,"I Don't know? 7? Months self harm free and the urge just gets stronger and stronger every day. The past few days I've just been shit... 
My family stresses me out especially my nephew (he's 12) My mum has full custody of him and he's told me to go kill myself numerous times.. I wish it was that easy.
My partners family stresses me out especially over the past few days. 
Stress is my trigger 
I just want to scream and cry. 
I live near the woods so I could go out and scream till I can't possibly scream anymore but the cops will probably get called...
My OH knows about my depression but he doesn't really know how I'm feeling at the moment. He would want to come over and make sure I'm OK but he's fucking annoying. He annoys me all the time by doing small stupid things. 
I don't even know where I'm going with the post? 

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suicidewatch,Hybrid67,2018/04/04,"How many of you Have had suicide attempts and can you tell me what you did, how long its been since then, and how it affected you and those around you?

For the past 9 years ( im in my mid 20s) ive just been hanging on, recently had a gf and thought finally things may pick up. A person who saw passed everything and loved me for what i am; weither i blew the whole thing and other 3rd party circumstances pushed that aside and i slip back to what i was before, empty.

I know shouldn't let a relationship be the thing that keeps me grounded but its the only thing i ever wanted / looked forward to.

Last night i just couldn't stop thinking about hanging, or OD'ing; i also havent been eating for the past 2 day so far, just cant seem to.
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suicidewatch,imdonewitheverythin6,2018/04/04,"Should I break up with her? I'm ready to die, been depressed feeling like shit and had no motivation to live for months. But I have a girlfriend that loves me and cares about me a lot. I just don't know what to do at this point. I wanna end this, I'm too tired to keep on fighting. I still love her but she deserves much better. Should I break up with her or hurt her in some way so she hates me before I do this?  I don't have a motivation to do anything anymore. I'm too weak.",-0.4305128205128206,1.5909056923076967,1.405384615384616,100.42294871794874,88.23076923076924,4.235897435897436,17.320512820512818,5.46131890053228,-0.8241064102564106,368,9,92,2,12,120,64,104,0.219,0.605,0.17600000000000002,-0.7862,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,3,0,3,0,11,5,1,2,0,18,21,6,1,3,4,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,17,5,15,17,3,12,0,2,0,2,10,6,1,3,4,65,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138727261023623,0.0,0.0,0.17746644869179726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350730577270027,0.0,0.0,0.19073013787469556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987558514470887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574412957427966,0.0,0.2238167993079703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910071367813674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090421138748032,0.15406463373321327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291557554502355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308641247524036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168489222277507,0.0,0.0,0.11851885481569785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053585902647882,0.0,0.19042813008402076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183342952915572,0.3892757786635922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721344994252639,0.0,0.15853191632375985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038645523995962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136770482573864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222309784566422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24786475801711835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117763288927107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,urdead9103,2018/04/04,"Lethal Dose Of Methylphenidate or dexmethylphenidate? i have adhd add odd ocd and I'm severely depressed right now. 
my father constantly hits me and yells at me even when im right about something or trying to help him with something. noone loves me and i have ZERO friends. i used to find joy in this game i still play called war thunder. but my shitty laptop is getting worse and worse and cant maintain anything above 15 fps on minimum settings and used to get around 30-40 but its also partially the developers faults for putting in a new graphics engine. but enough about that and more about me. i find NO joy in anything anymore. and have thought about opening up to someone about my depression and suicidal thoughts. i have half opened up about it b4 to my dad but he just screamed at me and beat me all day that day. called me selfish for wanting to KMS and shit like that. im just wondering what you would do in my situation? ",4.090333333333334,6.102305144444448,3.7088888888888896,89.845,72.55555555555556,6.8000000000000025,29.222222222222214,7.554174236665415,1.643955555555555,746,31,148,9,15,223,116,180,0.243,0.6709999999999999,0.086,-0.9901,0,0,4,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,14,13,2,0,2,0,8,3,1,2,1,34,19,19,3,2,8,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,7,16,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,7,0,2,2,3,20,6,26,15,3,24,0,2,0,1,11,14,1,3,9,93,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623956534212585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806051972592318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340090624689501,0.0,0.0,0.22239499951479885,0.1202911293943389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27595829031151875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460236155779224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429067671430154,0.0,0.2327683114811661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396216752763806,0.0,0.08924970161431478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700613222094656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439830836889974,0.0,0.1411959160426644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057236623381933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29191936305130056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601592527359931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195683641216355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050590280042504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358393371486476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307943856574895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526543506799153,0.13870529040903667,0.0,0.15188771615074595,0.0,0.0,0.11449214587846306,0.2080537827391016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791210407422214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780633118551034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455050879750034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174194417974844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341161909409605,0.0,0.0,0.07970104174198835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653879834014913,0.0,0.0,0.27541065704827955,0.09598990557173803,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissingPieces18,2018/04/04,"Alone in the world I never thought that I'd be that person. But I've become that person. The person who truly has nothing and no one to live for, no friends, no motivation. I often jokingly say I want to kill myself, but only half joking, because there will always be a disturbing truth to that statement. I push people away and I've attempted to kill myself before. I don't even have the motivation to finish this post really. I just needed someone to know that I'm not kidding, not fucking around anymore. I've already started cleaning up social media and such, and nobody even notices. I just want someone to care and I'm afraid that even if I try to kill myself and don't succeed, people won't even care. They won't even care if I do. I am worthless.",3.5657999999999994,5.234020579999998,4.939666666666671,81.91150000000002,73.2,6.6000000000000005,26.5,7.1686216300943375,1.4286,597,21,109,6,12,199,84,150,0.179,0.624,0.198,-0.5725,0,1,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,1,4,12,15,4,2,4,0,11,1,0,2,2,26,23,10,3,5,8,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,4,8,7,0,0,5,2,0,1,10,7,0,2,1,1,14,8,13,17,0,10,0,1,0,1,9,5,1,3,3,78,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965876636473164,0.13814993889439034,0.0,0.10416785303419873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415453564945525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114453682277126,0.0,0.0,0.1176198372511493,0.0,0.0,0.0763144746796727,0.13826217989351364,0.10652720780109116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829177053818654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41343305656455503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967212460062734,0.11573585358866602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155115396121437,0.0,0.06880098109520304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105447922044068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928265708380256,0.09655400868274873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012288649644452,0.1425292948504363,0.0,0.0,0.08483177568430005,0.09521240253509594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358154008270782,0.3279324325297508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989711994542457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019972278628364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955586835329093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276151261618951,0.2121456406777537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860990881587369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938663215138868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499558365206843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768024857344467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HinameHureni,2018/04/04,"60 day rule There is a 60 day rule at school. You can't cause trouble, get suspensions, etc.
What the 60 day rule means to me is that I have 60 days more or less to live. 

I've always knew I had to kill myself before graduation. There are many reasons:

- Waste time after high school

- No college because I don't know what to do

- Waste money and time at college costing thousands of dollars in debt

- get yelled at constantly for not doing anything with my life and mooch off my family to keep living

- I see no future in myself, at all.


No college, no job, no dream, nothing. It's not just because of my depression, I just don't see myself after high school.

I decided to kill myself before my high school graduation so that I feel like I haven't wasted 4 years or longer trying to survive for nothing. If I were to live on, living for a meaningless piece of paper with my name on it does nothing for me. Crossing that stage is like commitment, even though I know it's not. It's like taking a step into another direction. I don't want to put my foot in.",4.941770682148039,5.127701566037737,5.853962264150944,82.13835268505079,68.71698113207547,8.598548621190131,28.571843251088534,8.384062270229773,1.8858442670537008,820,26,166,11,13,271,112,212,0.174,0.746,0.079,-0.965,2,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,1,0,1,7,8,2,0,4,0,14,2,1,2,2,26,26,7,2,2,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,5,0,1,7,1,4,3,13,5,0,1,3,4,24,3,31,23,5,29,0,1,2,0,2,14,0,3,14,108,33,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755206780134017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033309891208223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658768688207667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828314814523062,0.0,0.17907016509261456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809066345732384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370621759153822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714346379141311,0.0,0.09062645164942093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207936083187956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734891624608075,0.06949729296575143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919273007773964,0.0,0.05320275738175414,0.07516970313899056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994696637967047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33351440197222915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044153284249818,0.09352501022114286,0.23282227308277356,0.0,0.11565311151547585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432050603213278,0.1542165861451561,0.0,0.371647292720445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667729467576653,0.0,0.11461621020514072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028863549556875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577588540171526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081844242819022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42595594299032863,0.16769458117027192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911288629344533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337882281713848,0.0,0.12271009557605506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143796177000297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206190662188325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677586936550345
suicidewatch,canasiannn,2018/04/04,"I feel empty I just can’t do anything anymore. Nothing feels satisfying to me. I’ve tried over and over looking for things that could help me, but no matter what, I’m always empty. What’s the point anymore?",2.535,4.832036097560977,3.6611585365853685,87.07027439024392,78.26829268292683,5.0756097560975615,24.88414634146341,5.985473137389443,0.736360975609756,164,6,31,1,4,53,33,41,0.203,0.722,0.075,-0.6298,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25278594532357473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.60257595306401,0.0,0.0,0.25000152288273425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242559587641659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072208265619433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036307429478945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551154945053563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29150430323289017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871892063959567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183122750895446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062602649088223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,keyboardguy28,2018/04/04,"I will never be loved. I have a huge crush on someone and not that they don't like me, they hate me. They said I wasn't attractive at all. Idk why I just can't move on.",-1.0965384615384617,0.4625756923076949,1.2227564102564124,103.66182692307692,86.94871794871796,4.925641025641027,14.878205128205128,5.985473137389443,-1.101979487179487,128,2,36,1,4,43,30,39,0.353,0.59,0.057,-0.8768,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,5,9,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,1,9,3,3,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968439950233513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963732515278832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627770180158069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272109457910112,0.0,0.0,0.31000985838734124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38234802367949255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405722917217047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36269880520433856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluecrystal89,2018/04/04,"Finding life too much right now. Ending it would be so easy but i never could Things are so tough right now. I live in ireland. Its impossible to buy your own home. so im stuck in a one bed flat paying some other guys mortgage for him.

I dont know what to do anymore. My gf is pissed and so am i.

Along with a hundred other stresses going on right now.

Im so so lost. I hate this world and what it has become",-1.051441947565543,1.0206084157303401,1.223848314606741,99.49809456928841,94.05617977528091,3.4161048689138584,15.281835205992513,4.7782277997778095,-1.153023220973783,315,7,75,1,12,105,66,89,0.253,0.723,0.023,-0.9781,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,10,5,2,1,2,0,9,2,1,0,1,11,14,9,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,9,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,8,0,8,9,3,13,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,1,5,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909501259875561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264773398632106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372928038083966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565802586235226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053524073690485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598008372835608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094261700959139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906470506596924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009556157981847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313552676543308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159572354725517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581615838256432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599825087829384,0.0,0.0,0.17001829122295384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101825573639594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154067209384244,0.0,0.1485004154389534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047157858494446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932899634537323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055644097704746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279164829764257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677645544833122,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sheraff33,2018/04/04,"It's so easy Here's what I've been looking at today:

- Downloading Tor, 1 minute
- Finding a darknet marketplace, 1 minute
- Creating an account, 30 seconds
- Wiring cryptocurrencies, 30 minutes
- Shipping heroin, 2 - 4 days
- Intramuscular injection of lethal dose, 10 minutes
- Delay before effect, 5 - 8 minutes

I even wrote down a couple things people will need to clean after me such as preferred charities for donations, people who knew me best for understanding, passwords for clearing my bank accounts...

The path seems so simple.",9.95659090909091,10.714658750000002,9.108090909090912,61.10963636363637,58.09090909090909,11.130909090909093,42.6,10.793553405168565,5.208288181818184,422,22,56,9,5,133,75,88,0.061,0.767,0.172,0.8748,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,10,8,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,1,9,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546373044306138,0.0,0.3140414469708415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311113061969229,0.0,0.1929896710929113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764993612275916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735064956652444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25129225878641503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188798773237112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149206233594955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724233882208525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988065254629022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836513308453623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31152686159420945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RyanCMH,2018/04/04,"Jobless, deaf and depressed $0 in bank, dropped school years ago, jobless for months, partially deaf with medical appointments coming up with no money to pay for them.

I feel like a complete failure to my fam.

Maybe it's better if I just disappear because nobody wants to hire a deaf dropout like me, especially in the IT sector.. ",9.043715846994537,8.094916868852463,8.395737704918034,71.08519125683063,60.639344262295076,11.4120218579235,41.6448087431694,10.504223727775694,4.462602185792348,263,13,45,5,3,83,49,61,0.181,0.701,0.118,-0.4939,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,3,10,3,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,24,7,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710991406335667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186430646881592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27048108194813664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634447831314653,0.32065610644067843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26341024912262434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546364369439366,0.2184844476413056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988254064606445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072465461515269,0.0,0.0,0.30809075267286873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24410995642300826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095154864177609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038599091945995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969439832527115
suicidewatch,lokiinthesky,2018/04/04,"They’re either going to find me swinging from a tree somewhere or beaten to death in my own home. It’s only a matter of time before he snaps. I’m worthless, I relapsed, he hates me for it. Hates me because the alarm didn’t go off this morning so he was 4 minutes late to work. Hates me because I forgot to tell him that the customer doesn’t want hot sauce. I’m a piece of shit that pressured him into a relationship he says. 
“You’re lucky you have a fucking pussy or else I’d beat the shit out of you”
“There has to be something wrong with you because I’ve never gotten this angry at anyone ever. Even my mother doesn’t piss me off as much as you. I don’t have fucking anger problems, you just always FUCK ME, Sky. You FUCK ME.”
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.
When did the people in my life get so hurtful.
When did I get so useless.
I hate that I’m like this.
I want to jump off the interstate bridge.
I want to hang myself from the tree in the middle of the lakes. 
I want to be GONE GONE GONE. 
I’m such a useless piece of shit. 
I used to be talented. 
I used to be happy.
I used to love performing.
And drawing.
And writing.
And now I’m nothing.
",-0.8486944045911038,1.2869214715447193,1.526073648971785,97.00824964131996,94.4471544715447,3.5445241511238645,17.39789574366332,5.0885558068054335,-0.6777791487326636,886,25,199,4,34,298,126,246,0.282,0.636,0.08199999999999999,-0.9954,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,6,0,4,11,27,14,2,14,0,14,10,4,3,2,25,47,12,1,5,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,6,0,1,1,0,0,7,5,22,0,0,9,2,30,5,31,34,5,25,0,4,0,5,18,11,8,3,8,119,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865956018812447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074503434585676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948588042473978,0.0,0.09066765913484813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901028308387897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037640096165086,0.09638212383991752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738633455767068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940213637233952,0.11133774367680764,0.0,0.12111158699952508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342627890423855,0.0,0.4207910251143379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688005498158386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406581161102715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019497237060416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526062539972221,0.05205578442140179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616708027156333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832776842705545,0.0,0.08217924911443103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022392415230668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103737849377485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738695410927673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195559840407667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143966629835215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473419817390104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281214039968149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202871365839258,0.0,0.3578277547028045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313089287553213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213116022057692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760794052644689,0.0,0.0,0.25138784194190755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757091546964343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649757046754093,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackWidow221B,2018/04/04,"I just can't cope anymore. I live with a lot of illnesses. EDS3 (which causes almost daily dislocations and unending pain), POTS, seizures, sacroiliitis (which causes intractable pain in my hips), migraines, a bulging disc in my spine, I could go on for hours. It's so hard to keep fighting and I just can't do it anymore. I have no family bar my dad in Scotland (I live in London and we don't get to see each other more than once a year) and it's so hard to keep going. I've lost almost everything to these diseases. My dream career, my university degree, my job. My friends (who never call because god forbid they be near a sick person despite being paramedics). I cut off my nmother four years ago on the 9th of this month. I don't regret doing that but it's left me alone. Now I'm housebound and can barely get around the house. I haven't been able to leave the house myself since July 15th last year. It's soul destroying. 


I've been feeling low for several weeks and told my SO about it. Thing is, it'll take at least six months for a referral to psych (thank you NHS...) and I don't think I have that long. Not to mention that we're about to move into a new city and it'll take a while to sort out doctors as I'm under about 10 different specialties right now. Urology, gastroenterology, two different rheumatologists (soon to be a third), two neurologists, a urologist, gynaecology, orthopaedics, all sorts. I can't cope and I know I need help asap. 

Yesterday I spent most of the day crying my eyes out and wanting to die. Today I don't feel like that but I've been looking up the fatality of various medications if I were to take them. Right now I Don't particularly want to die, but I don't want to live either. I just feel numb. 

I don't know how to get help and I don't know what to do but I'm scared I'm going to do myself harm. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I'll ever get well enough again to be able to leave the house on my own, that I'll never get back to work or get a degree (which is something I'm desperate to do). I have my SO but that's all I have. I'm just scared. I don't want to keep fighting and face surgeries and pain. 

I don't want to be here any more. ",2.037449893628932,3.6457487096069885,3.6755895196506536,89.62704680326954,77.18777292576421,6.79350576643153,22.22393908856791,7.61054688173877,0.7344234016347553,1711,48,382,24,39,570,216,458,0.197,0.763,0.04,-0.9966,3,1,1,0,4,1,64.0,1,1,2,2,23,21,4,2,16,0,41,14,4,3,5,69,83,27,3,9,14,1,6,2,1,2,9,0,0,1,24,20,1,4,9,2,1,4,20,16,1,5,7,9,47,5,53,68,12,48,1,3,3,0,15,20,0,8,26,240,71,5,0.1568987375409722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954063205097986,0.0,0.15711142167160233,0.08124988695449316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053348260907412716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560138769220516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983657043775894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032272219396032,0.0,0.047822007061772726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010557667991634,0.0,0.0,0.16117822320094102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263543747999831,0.0,0.08617294789581277,0.050593352902611535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283611845149287,0.16392578653630951,0.0,0.08029625312097459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105916877804079,0.0,0.0,0.07096194536402747,0.0,0.0,0.07050523420641344,0.0,0.07395508306178937,0.0,0.15866543196059654,0.11208848944912066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060978771000435,0.0,0.24591934382573405,0.0,0.13375375241604004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055045078394166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516591649026948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725682581697775,0.2715601162418119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784889356852667,0.2091882104819148,0.0,0.0,0.17245488579209614,0.0639467060457176,0.0,0.16613310866661155,0.08523546870888826,0.0,0.0,0.07665279790116457,0.0,0.20781668965020567,0.06942522270421239,0.06587771178880708,0.0,0.08563675311913622,0.06669484795269211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902948574408224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523507540393347,0.08337926381036165,0.0,0.05816921291497312,0.121009978891954,0.07576688920749403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354601743014428,0.0,0.0,0.25042697839065325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849896287717508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399066457985306,0.0,0.0,0.15708300748457993,0.0,0.06251399003606319,0.0,0.0,0.0886254569856086,0.0,0.06489412852035444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039415676890825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695248651300075,0.0,0.0,0.0722256387587669,0.0,0.0,0.05211827475079877,0.05026718786145168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436082875049763,0.0749617337340409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532672682992962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135735126945614,0.0,0.06292735163470614,0.0,0.07053540391510604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711207479238652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515564642738163
suicidewatch,getswoleinayear,2018/04/04,"Anyone else from the UK here? 21M. Been seriously struggling recently. Is there anyone else from the UK here? 

Don't care about gender, age, background etc. Just looking for someone to talk to. To Vent, discuss our situations and support each other. ",3.84124031007752,7.145401069767447,3.94453488372093,79.54687984496125,84.81395348837209,5.657364341085271,28.096899224806204,7.1686216300943375,2.106522480620156,198,9,30,3,6,61,35,43,0.155,0.789,0.056,-0.5842,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,2,7,5,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,21,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33037140441332435,0.4841151159477477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408641763137772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394699283236834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634719633874965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838354422805468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332601962353751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655455893126701,0.0,0.0,0.2001668411341067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469711373606409,0.0,0.0,0.2680843021374267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898821443517782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toodeepinmyownmind,2018/04/04,Please fucking help me... I am a 21 year old male and I'm hanging on by a fucking thread.  My entire life I have fought depression and from my early teens up to now have had suicidal thoughts and have even planned out my suicide multiple times. I joined the military out of high school in hopes of it giving me a purpose and I'm nearing the end of my enlistment. I feel empty and hateful all the time and I don't want to. I don't talk to family or friends nearly as much anymore. I try to go out and have fun and have even planned out my civilian life in hopes of giving me somthing to look forward too. And it was short lived. I can't go for professional help for personal reasons but I don't know what else to do. I'm on edge right now and I truly don't know of I can keep going like this. Nobody knows. I always put on a smile and joke around. I'm not one to cut or anything. So if and when I do it...it would come as a surprise to all. ,0.3541772748703451,2.3140407920792114,2.2980622347949087,95.71919141914196,84.14851485148516,5.431777463460631,21.995285242809995,6.655083550727371,0.3366710985384249,728,25,171,8,21,242,113,202,0.07,0.7559999999999999,0.174,0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,5,0,8,0,17,4,0,1,2,36,41,20,2,5,5,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,18,0,1,6,1,0,7,6,6,0,1,4,2,21,7,32,36,3,32,0,1,1,2,9,17,2,5,11,110,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157163959033654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379188970679295,0.0,0.0,0.11444178655309445,0.12380073099135976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197954714251102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197797678768367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617415126975103,0.0,0.12317369361243845,0.0,0.0,0.1837072834255541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110170339387098,0.0,0.0703173721756863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074442226571981,0.2571337598689529,0.0,0.26681496176029,0.23710803978699044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730166479338068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864297925178792,0.14693384004613946,0.0,0.2762534275520595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236107539364182,0.0,0.0,0.2292857537633625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645683570299616,0.06794199910743544,0.0,0.12280031283337277,0.0,0.11678278048835625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223158159481066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459293290297974,0.0,0.09423662919353036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142952643847528,0.0,0.15265579894146308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398025716530996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298590524655352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876400943677423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407450668335492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30423742694992684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177824687414868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040510616798953,0.16218429053255598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441859769051177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202639112386112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879049716638563,0.0,0.0,0.08955575827942702
suicidewatch,0Spartan1,2018/04/04,"Suicide by masterbation, Is it a thing? So some kid in Japan beat his meat like 40+ times then died. 

Just thinking if anyone would actually do that to end it.
",2.154583333333332,4.209811125000002,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,78.375,6.7666666666666675,23.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.9800291666666668,124,4,27,2,3,41,31,32,0.215,0.718,0.066,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.38470417797752376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756494559135318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091405932623587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491640194199231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259714310768525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43121530148335335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619038337947673,0.2526017846512507,0.0,0.0,0.22987424144028945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800442696769501,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ghostlights27,2018/04/04,"I'm on the brink and I don't know how to get out of it I'm so scared of myself right now, I'd hurt so many people if I killed myself, I have a loving, supportive family, but they don't know I'm like this.
I'm sick to death of myself, and right now I feel as though I could finally do it. 

Months ago I thought about how and where, all that's left is to have the courage to actually do it. 

I know that I almost certainly won't, I'm not strong enough, too scared of hurting the people I love, I feel so selfish for even thinking about it when I have so much love in my life, I just don't feel like my being alive is benefiting anyone.
",3.771357142857145,3.04597385,5.226428571428574,88.76107142857146,71.21428571428571,8.714285714285714,24.642857142857146,8.07648339933343,0.9571428571428569,489,10,122,6,8,166,77,140,0.22,0.603,0.17800000000000002,-0.7784,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,16,16,1,2,4,0,13,5,0,2,2,22,31,14,2,2,4,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,3,18,10,15,27,3,14,0,2,0,3,4,8,0,2,8,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.1481563449324453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458101853033058,0.0,0.15202777518481414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615745346324808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121749146558468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687268254009187,0.0,0.1002769812095845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312424420667272,0.0,0.2302972536598236,0.10846164774954986,0.0,0.16631355027317318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932071460062681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32505712401541553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679685186774066,0.0,0.2503121573954522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495501774189972,0.0,0.10723634934304103,0.14834509423462966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41107577410616497,0.0,0.0,0.15392365108325606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118285027398334,0.0,0.11160661891517504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050847962959815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593102705694839,0.0,0.0,0.3040005607884669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228577563436004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728138990871188,0.14916431749668044,0.1205296877751299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MariaAnnalise,2018/04/04,"Fucked up coping mechanism I've wanted to die for a long time now but when I'm at times when I'm especially suicidal I go onto Liveleak or Bestgore and just look up suicides caught on camera. I'm not sure what it is about it but those videos give me short bursts of happiness, at least enough to get through the night. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.",2.81372807017544,4.222265197368427,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,74.65789473684211,7.171929824561403,23.192982456140356,7.793537801064563,0.8298403508771934,289,8,65,4,6,92,59,76,0.26,0.685,0.055,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,10,15,6,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,2,13,14,2,16,0,0,1,2,1,7,2,1,7,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352577582605476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342207430947322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41912349162164253,0.11843079633584945,0.21745183994287776,0.12882730707645978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413047739683869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457724434340735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006044164581048,0.19035387163672726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272355881366187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959016378488157,0.0,0.21364295074305306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643575319274571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370157022740387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478386858945588,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsmeharrio,2018/04/04,"Gf is leaving and I already kinda hate life so this could lead to some baaad stuff I live in Shanghai, I go to an international school and have been going there for half a year. Being in an international school means that all my friends come from different countries and nationalities but all speak English. Because if that, anyone could have to leave at any time because of their parents' business. I'm not exactly in the best position with mental health, I haven't been diagnosed with anything but I tend to feel sad all the time so the fact that quite a few of my friends will be leaving soon isn't exactly helping. Recently, I got a girl. She is cute, kind, pretty and perfect for me but she's leaving. She's the best thing that has happened to me since I got her and is really helping me with my current mental state. She's sort of working as a really hot distraction for all of my depressing and Nihilistic thinking. When she leaves I feel like I'm going to give up and I don't know what's gonna happen to me. What do?   ",3.8233559113300513,5.473491985221678,4.7620658866995065,83.51876385467979,72.49753694581281,7.833620689655173,28.943657635467982,8.472884824447931,2.095808128078817,815,33,161,14,16,265,116,203,0.08800000000000001,0.737,0.175,0.9763,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,6,5,12,1,1,10,0,17,3,0,1,8,35,36,15,0,3,5,1,3,1,3,2,3,1,0,1,9,11,0,0,5,0,0,5,4,4,0,1,4,4,24,8,24,26,8,19,0,2,0,0,16,6,0,4,8,110,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063738940721165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434138016649977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764391181272811,0.0,0.08996108335871912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328097099451267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294492879717442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416953995096464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456632289014615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415719561190973,0.11095754573363027,0.0,0.11421618070304307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055100012665693,0.07809826285516216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892079304254132,0.0,0.0,0.10486974967458633,0.18638730462673966,0.0,0.17486645505984202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334271165592315,0.0,0.0,0.10793091303269456,0.0,0.11620209708474967,0.0,0.0,0.14654984521295164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138400055051238,0.060079438430480865,0.0,0.0,0.5787707218357931,0.0,0.0,0.07721598161554367,0.053408252609079464,0.0,0.096531603638978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908157859174175,0.0,0.0,0.2203377884595648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138697416028375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121778826098393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627532561415008,0.0,0.0,0.14006644180299652,0.0,0.10794035716312432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127544616523734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043067190658936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514529831784008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726273811173637,0.07004787146097577,0.0,0.0,0.12749079614643152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958629563589817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039852556033861
suicidewatch,Flashycats,2018/04/04,"Told to ignore it. I was brave, and told my key worker that things had gone to shit and I needed some support, ANY support. It took a lot of courage to ask. 

And he told me there was no point, to ignore my problems and eventually they would go away. No point in offering therapy. No point in offering me support. 

His job is literally to keep me alive and even he can't give enough of a shit about me to help. I'm not even angry. I'm not anything. I'm empty. I'm nothing. 


Honestly why am I trying so hard.",-0.4039083557951493,1.8139155094339607,2.1685175202156337,93.00094339622645,92.01886792452831,5.292722371967655,19.8355795148248,6.868970318607317,0.39301832884097054,388,13,87,6,14,133,65,106,0.203,0.606,0.191,-0.1412,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,1,5,11,2,0,2,0,7,2,2,0,0,15,24,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,1,11,6,12,15,3,9,0,0,0,0,12,6,2,2,0,53,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625261204620084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647603577428198,0.0,0.13232156119998062,0.0,0.13298226074060682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462495045287628,0.0,0.1869727549765556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577885301837286,0.08044091048796084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679277432964664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487182888668963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045742491741106,0.1258079852755926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033294462235848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495072545016727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581223530241207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014054781640688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543545036695745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905792378967597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818565396324994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186426442795926,0.0,0.09403343229523899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057449607177741,0.15725706029683625,0.09609692659993012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277185758514919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054653836404916,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-outrun,2018/04/04,"How do you keep going? What keeps you from giving up? I've reached a point in my life where I just don't have it in me. I don't even feel like the same person I was a year ago. I've tried taking online courses to get back into school, to feel like I'm learning something that will truly benefit my life but I can't retain any of the information. It just passes right through me. I can't hold down a job and at the moment I can't even manage to get one. My girlfriend and I just broke up. She told me she didn't want to be with a ""depressed person"" and that she was worried about passing these things onto her future children. It makes me feel like a disease. I've lost all creativity and usually when I get into these hyper depressive states it's when I feel the most creative. 

I want to make my family proud, my sister just passed her CPA exam and has been doing great and I'm 25 just moved back home with my parents with no college behind me, no skillsets. I feel absolutely fucking worthless. I have bills I have to pay and I can't even find the energy to get out of bed and apply for jobs. I've been a consistently depressed person ever since I was young but this feeling just takes the cake. It's never been this bad, never this hopeless.  I'm lost and I'm scared.

How the fuck do I keep this up?",1.9337990196078432,3.681229095588237,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,77.89705882352942,5.85686274509804,21.259803921568626,6.6274283507984215,0.2907789215686276,1022,27,221,9,24,336,141,272,0.22,0.6829999999999999,0.097,-0.9894,3,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,0,3,18,18,2,1,13,0,22,4,0,4,4,49,52,15,0,2,8,2,6,3,1,1,2,0,2,4,15,15,0,5,9,0,2,5,11,12,0,1,10,6,34,6,28,40,3,33,0,8,0,2,17,14,2,1,16,148,49,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937718342229352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193728515761039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268394861011382,0.08832588155979319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733368555387864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096095696342724,0.09568839943724393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972448602033952,0.0,0.3209278117823022,0.22671802673328004,0.0,0.0,0.09668538220179816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955926687265874,0.22107274803536767,0.10147841040685282,0.060119934338329024,0.0,0.0,0.11662810514566747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611077018741426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995016371997288,0.28207914734399064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943785212923086,0.15504331594749024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309531903877747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412243383835931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243249123654524,0.0,0.0,0.16317550395082014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168251187690884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746149123180795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771015966601764,0.0,0.0,0.10000081983110302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033963321754028,0.0,0.0,0.1059090297474264,0.10705985571908444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750627197623784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143830002028613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907399497959626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027871441166211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010819007744875,0.0,0.07182092895589097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650700173924683,0.0,0.12478922063056595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742958982186142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812193688854194
suicidewatch,TheRealWhiteSnoop,2018/04/04,"Dont want to continue on anymore I lost the girl of my dreams because i didn't think a,long distance relationship would work and she thought she was a v
Back up plan and we are going to be living a lot closer in a few months. But she has found someone else and it is just the final,straw of my life. She was the one good thing going for me and I lost that and at the same time my will to continue. I have wanted to die since I was 12 and am 31 now. When I met her she changed all of that any time I wanted to die or felt down she made me want to live again and now she is gone And is talking to some fuck boy how likes to claim her raps and wears facepaint like icp.  She was the last reason I had to live and she is gone. I love her so much. She is not the reason I want to die but she was the only reason I had left to want to live.",-0.17373522458628798,1.3828853617021295,1.7897163120567399,100.83388888888894,83.68085106382979,4.816075650118204,16.29550827423168,5.46131890053228,-0.9831569739952716,640,11,168,3,18,212,105,188,0.097,0.848,0.055,-0.5448,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,4,8,7,1,0,10,0,21,4,1,5,1,36,41,16,3,7,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,11,0,0,7,2,0,4,3,3,0,1,17,1,31,4,21,21,6,22,0,2,0,2,21,7,1,3,13,116,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772182983029938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334600575415955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788275886623997,0.0,0.06967076024182123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090477119459785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558481815502313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339482535849874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547550261963156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973732646225552,0.1252002533329996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125314231714376,0.0,0.10566022947290578,0.0,0.0,0.12990846946239126,0.09586190607292099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316245592558488,0.0,0.0,0.12417755484092133,0.0,0.08072714509552767,0.11167366308023056,0.0,0.4036843466974229,0.10114397832596793,0.0,0.0,0.24952435336912884,0.09716615940176902,0.103152130363833,0.10814495025337507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122602174625682,0.0,0.08401706859644477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744656999077933,0.08692348990036829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35253068832599105,0.0,0.12270581013732852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454273350349733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683843156915724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186281273078138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592989185271687,0.07323308678788783,0.0,0.0907343233236704,0.13328805492755053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044709172408269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320524198479393,0.0,0.0,0.08118907922213367,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,good_dit,2018/04/04,"Not struggling with thoughts, but I'm pretty annoyed Doing nothing at all for already very long time. 
The reason for that I don't find interesting doing thing I'm sure I can. And the problems that I'm not sure about my ability to solve I divide to lesser problems, which are solvable so the latter cases also become uninteresting.
",5.129354838709677,7.229255161290323,5.994387096774192,74.17158064516133,69.96774193548387,6.895483870967742,30.14193548387097,7.554174236665415,2.2205380645161297,268,11,42,3,5,88,46,62,0.17800000000000002,0.597,0.226,0.3877,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,1,3,13,9,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,7,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931761838621536,0.1879216427430084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25952830301489405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147768595426328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795900389127284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254795122547863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390695962150574,0.0,0.4497079253978897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416091463501247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456628634657957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429511175213467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561171009545809,0.0,0.0,0.18655603437238646,0.13702472253962236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389159192274966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spiiriti34,2018/04/04,"im physically unable to do anything. i havent eaten in about 3 days, its hard to get up for school, and honestly i really just want to die. life isnt fun anymore and i miss being a kid. ive already started cutting and i just cant do this anymore.",-0.1833333333333336,1.8178573333333323,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,86.77777777777777,5.822222222222222,23.814814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.082948148148148,192,8,42,3,6,70,40,54,0.215,0.6970000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.6729999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,6,12,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,5,2,7,10,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140550668370045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.564478874236986,0.0,0.0,0.2341955026197121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835387159067821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29536223998991945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486879138362194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25493911528911994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074088990462048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010162055587786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823173394177902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802295613443274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143614292050965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678601188947825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zzZera,2018/04/04,"I need help... My depression started around 3 months ago and has been on and off recently. The reasons i want to kill myself change almost every week, and recently they have been getting dumber. At first it was over my apearnce, next is about how im failure, and now its just that i want a girlfriend. I feel like no cool boys, or even nerdy girls even like me. I used to really want to loose my virginity, but now i just want someone to cuddle with. My depression gets worse every month and i really need help. If any of my IRL friends some how see this, please dont talk about it.",3.4078065134099664,4.8654630948275885,3.9832183908045984,89.46139846743297,73.22413793103449,7.569348659003833,24.09578544061303,8.167268648758528,1.1668325670498083,453,13,97,7,9,143,81,116,0.175,0.66,0.166,-0.49,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,1,0,2,1,7,2,0,4,0,25,19,10,1,7,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,3,15,4,13,16,1,16,0,2,1,2,8,5,0,4,13,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129194459656876,0.0,0.1483123136878759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072092687113607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318506729994471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668237153514813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25513650654260994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358562302647138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565255197281486,0.0,0.2495807226560559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488964540576018,0.10581091451598093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598360114928453,0.0,0.0,0.1144306092040985,0.0,0.15476433423423214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855208780911965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998588039566328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163863475614815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471963510245195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364424379897287,0.0,0.0,0.2196456619393367,0.0,0.0,0.1575183041891847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258199500538445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897680916112063,0.1522833321356481,0.2924845569431733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802572214627445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549442808653738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483411107692282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904644632577685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279208168482601,0.0,0.0,0.34944009738203496,0.0,0.1188061442751328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093831384687514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_User_51_,2018/04/04,"Today reddit made me want to kill myself. I've been tipping over the edge of wanting to, and actually attempting suicide A LOT lately. Have completely lost faith in humanity and dont want to experience this world anymore. [This interaction](https://imgur.com/gallery/hsmk7) really set me off tonight. I just can't seem to shake off life's injustices the way others can.

Edit: [Better screenshot](https://imgur.com/gallery/HoLds) ",7.594658385093169,11.278564739130434,6.210807453416147,68.09086956521742,68.27536231884058,9.160248447204973,31.596273291925467,9.606745405546679,3.794418633540373,353,15,49,9,7,105,58,69,0.166,0.733,0.101,-0.8223,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,11,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,4,2,9,8,1,11,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,3,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.22359365458152486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272311500256911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264308293841388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023396203593494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685336417770735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241289235913365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534936655115995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846379638616995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618382747260982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25011779373356224,0.19479449670535331,0.0,0.21680429982548166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678380572356328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085874535272076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506263531553592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718439513230006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054328649036069,0.18186933457559268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oldnoname69,2018/04/04,"I am tired of hurting myself and everyone around me. I can’t live with myself anymore I (20f) have hurt so many people I care about. I binge drink about once a week and every time I do, I take it too far and cause damage to myself and everyone around me. my family and friends are so disappointed in me, and I am too. I don’t know who I am when I look in the mirror. I go through life in a fog, nothing feels real and everything seems so pointless and it’s been this way since I was about 12. I attempted suicide twice when I was 13. I went to the psych ward and they didn’t help me at all. They didn’t care. I didn’t see one single therapist while I was there, just a doctor who kept asking me the same painful questions and was very rude. I can’t keep a job because my anxiety hinders me from going out into the real world and being normal. I’m toxic. I neglect myself and the people I love. I’m selfish and a liar and I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up and finally be at peace. I feel like I’m drowning every single day and I can’t stop being toxic. I want to try to change so bad but every time I try i get knocked down even harder and I feel so weak. I can’t bring myself to even do the fucking dishes. I used to take care of myself but I have gained 50 pounds and I have worn sweatpants and baggy t shirts for two years. My boyfriend hates that I can’t take care of myself and he is tired of taking care of me. I don’t blame him. I’ve pushed everyone out of my life. My friends and family are tired of me fucking up. I’m just a fuck up and I haven’t been happy since I was a child. I’m just so tired. I’m so fucking tired. ",0.11676561807708907,1.93219717486339,2.356908876089204,95.78325431989369,84.08196721311475,5.1589425491064835,18.361837247083148,6.243973517019112,-0.2838352385172063,1290,31,307,11,37,437,163,366,0.173,0.708,0.119,-0.9524,1,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,2,2,24,26,7,0,13,0,34,20,3,2,1,56,76,35,2,3,7,0,3,1,2,0,10,0,0,1,7,29,2,4,7,1,0,6,13,16,0,3,13,5,61,10,36,60,4,33,0,5,2,5,14,16,4,2,11,203,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058182363910362626,0.0,0.15085353564356505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541130608161747,0.07110176578886533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635032907220117,0.046362818184566494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877190189844723,0.07813010281985955,0.0804567928509118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904960218297532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784618030650417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450558209885212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046807876722592,0.0,0.19224049558582185,0.21802329798215656,0.068353913928159,0.0,0.14339699567143815,0.0,0.11536806524027805,0.05433417140145897,0.0,0.0833152467662493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752081271596627,0.281248890719086,0.03973593793032296,0.0,0.12967253542408122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809626534428357,0.0,0.0750892083106912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050978498865109384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283829222567006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547349683013234,0.06760175607295897,0.0,0.0,0.08359639218708638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074407093487238,0.037156948764607914,0.0,0.06715853216229697,0.0,0.06386759071267041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864319333978429,0.0,0.0,0.07710849147348225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451838864367294,0.07297744719880002,0.0,0.0,0.08099678483077906,0.051537276628502375,0.0,0.08092857369089985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545482251999616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519973390986578,0.0,0.0,0.1731359603071356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060650591870746,0.06923820711180986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582803887543714,0.0,0.07611057626347653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358592876496974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319253653089395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287375335770106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830647138650824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869732202335158,0.4370739059362697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327358755708237,0.0,0.07429531851963672,0.0,0.0,0.06568766199821714,0.0,0.06275387626280171,0.08971918555164934,0.06036943469847491,0.061007254649675824,0.0,0.0,0.0705043493175909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897734487768572
suicidewatch,violinviolinviolinvi,2018/04/04,"Don't want to live anymore Hello.  This is my first time talking about this to anyone.  

My parents describe me as serious during my infanthood which has persisted with me through the years (age: 18-24).  During my childhood I had brief instances of not belonging with my family.  They were fleeting, but occurred regularly.  One day I told my father when this feeling came on, but he quickly and somewhat harshly quelled me.  In addition to these feelings I found myself never being able to be genuinely happy.  During birthday parties, christmas, etc, I always had to force a smile to please others.  Growing up I had few friends and always found myself leeching off my younger brother for friends causing him to get upset with me on numerous occasions.  I never had a birthday party where I had friends over.  High school and my teen years were more or less the same, but I had a small friend group.  This lack of genuine happiness has constantly been there overshadowing my entire life.  I have never been suicidal before only sad.  Now I am suicidal, and I think about it daily.  If I were to do go through with it I would OD on an opiate.  At this point I am open to ideas and am willing to try almost anything.  Sorry that the writing is sporadic, and the transitions are non-existent.  Feel free to ask me questions so I can further clarify my circumstances.
  
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suicidewatch,RunAwayForever37,2018/04/04,"Took a few extra sleeping pills this night. Dont think it's my night to exit but who knows followup to earlier post
i  don't know anymore. I feel lost. 

Chose a date but even that's too long to live.

I'm sure i'll wake up in the morning embarrased but thanks for hearing me now. Be back probably",-0.5852380952380933,1.6252263492063506,1.3749206349206349,97.67285714285715,95.03174603174602,4.704761904761905,19.698412698412696,6.42735559955562,0.11286031746031755,232,8,53,3,9,76,52,63,0.049,0.8370000000000001,0.114,0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,8,12,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,4,2,6,9,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228374693998764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707018461131954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698850411234517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209697702625688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643588148410244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25954094620611484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531104147301554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20334040122479508,0.2037894934746112,0.0,0.0,0.2513765150644624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322021126569406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205434375444791,0.0,0.24827949680751024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304451067731072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170350458133648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200978211102356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755335818399629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25584822227370724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,usernoname3,2018/04/04,".. ""It gets better yada yada"" thank you but please don't tell me I don't have legit reasons to die. I'm wierd, ugly, depressed, failure. I literally haven't done anything with my life. Not doing this for attention, I just want to end this pain. I'm too chicken to do it myself.",2.0848214285714306,3.9219078392857165,4.1601428571428585,85.18485714285717,77.75,5.908571428571428,23.7,6.742157984588678,0.8574614285714284,213,7,42,2,5,73,41,56,0.333,0.555,0.112,-0.9679,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,7,12,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,5,11,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455018591351789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638504561651887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569529591090473,0.0,0.30962156926472423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052972677196465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264233648295688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558661838908033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107207509493211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31744633714309056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32747900549864234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067350364359219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607553628352568,0.2746640711691747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596397369866768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FruityMentos,2018/04/04,if youre feeling down listen to any song from the super mario galaxy ost strangly enough it always helps me when im feeling depressed,4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,5.364615384615386,79.75538461538463,69.76923076923077,6.7384615384615385,28.384615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.7743692307692314,110,4,18,1,2,35,25,26,0.104,0.597,0.299,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35152475614096595,0.0,0.0,0.28729071405543005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36386851979635465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43651931820981205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272220356253385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28316941104433585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563347384249335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,runningoutofthrowacc,2018/04/04,"I’m resenting my parents I’m 15, male, and I’m (guess what?) suicidal. Shocker, I know. Saying that I’m on this subreddit it’s pretty obvious.

I’ve recently unsuppressed memories of my neighbor tying me up and raping me. It took me a month to come to terms and tell my parents and when I did they said I was being over dramatic and because we were kids it didn’t count as rape. It was just “discovery” and every child does it but I promise you this was not ordinary discovery. I’ve heard of people just being curious so they ask their friend if they can see their genitals but this was nothing like that.

After I told them I was suicidal they said I was being a coward. That that was a selfish thing to think about and gave me a rant saying how hard it was when my cousin killed him self. That just made me feel shittier. They’ve gone through stuff very similar to what I’m doing and are expecting me to react in the same way.

I’ve looked up to my parents for years. Always told them everything. Now I feel like their love is holding me back. I know many people who care about me which makes me feel shittier for wanting to kill myself. It doesn’t help that I was followed home and assaulted a few months ago either. That’s just added to it all. I’m not allowed to say rape or depression in my house.",1.5712175324675322,3.890118102272728,3.1500216450216456,89.2718181818182,81.99242424242424,6.953246753246755,22.68614718614719,8.07648339933343,1.3342601731601729,1025,35,212,21,28,337,143,264,0.237,0.6779999999999999,0.084,-0.994,5,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,1,1,9,0,12,15,7,0,6,0,20,4,0,5,2,40,51,18,4,3,11,4,4,2,2,0,0,6,2,4,24,11,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,9,0,0,21,12,38,6,24,27,5,22,0,1,2,4,36,6,0,3,13,141,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048434713576894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841410600377357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057096938711426,0.0,0.0,0.09094601832097124,0.0,0.07209921853992615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205890382701231,0.0,0.0,0.10188326495623204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186990945330301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350307200316744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965161772729764,0.0,0.106297761252274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794098735580355,0.08449553869793999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137881486482603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029302345082294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595098668555232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079277103386619,0.0,0.11863926505306127,0.0,0.0,0.1364732360030754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617070782976625,0.0,0.1300014706925752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155661831682225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932104131547924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067476221609626,0.11191447280385967,0.07894934549924505,0.11991208032046015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888116293142804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348785772957433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939904959835411,0.0,0.0,0.1639937042802399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032798923240215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678209338229074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250128334422269,0.2821705976277117,0.0,0.0,0.09424970021837067,0.0,0.12338640817530648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353963457099016,0.2587468625549772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337738585924497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857651972506861,0.07578571427018606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603327441447715,0.1314076514991391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758909436625587,0.06976153973817192,0.09388102871852723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616509155642934
suicidewatch,Earlx0373,2018/04/04,"I’m Sad and Lonely I’m a 14 year old boy that has been battling with anxiety and other problems ruining my life. I feel like no one cares about me not even my friends. I still haven’t even gotten close to a relationship yet but all my other friends brag about their relationships and it hurts inside every time. I feel like when I have a chance to get a girl something bad always happens that ruins that opportunity. But it’s not just that people always tease my about certain things. When I feel like I’m doing something good, I always find a way to screw things up whether it’s teasing from other kids or self doubt it always affects me. Also my OCD is also ruining my life. It’s about hygiene and it’s gotten to a point where I thought if I just end it all of these problems will be over. Depression has also affected my life every week thinking what if I just died. It would be easier after that. I haven’t told my parents yet and I plan not to. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. Please tell me there is an easier solution to my problems other then killing myself.",3.495224598930484,4.951231463636368,4.582513368983957,85.2578877005348,73.0,7.1764705882352935,25.668449197860962,7.724431198458867,1.335582887700535,862,28,173,11,17,282,116,220,0.255,0.605,0.14,-0.98,1,4,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,20,26,5,1,7,0,15,5,0,2,3,38,30,17,2,6,13,1,3,3,2,2,4,0,0,4,22,8,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,17,0,1,5,3,27,9,18,21,2,18,0,7,0,1,14,5,1,4,15,124,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266006618962145,0.36903658258412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482115266100712,0.0,0.10996090495728847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925782652129182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304722561470387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549881815559856,0.0,0.11507356849591485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820475007050347,0.0,0.0,0.1464673772932621,0.0,0.18683852319732974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818932089157984,0.23763319693847865,0.0,0.0,0.10134022777492432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132770355608046,0.0,0.057929032627633235,0.0,0.0,0.09299897135830168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804880201744166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869689297267645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266976978043788,0.0,0.06093549545816385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31326485199931425,0.1625077606902815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634751597544316,0.0,0.07513361291702644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311658706968745,0.0,0.0,0.07686865055524912,0.0,0.0,0.12171044110303048,0.10481528467469486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182850123313532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380823538763775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566964396495785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071817240031412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854709078049057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096912014809424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732446134084246,0.07104596622026332,0.0,0.08802452487825635,0.06465369045125073,0.0,0.0,0.10594841345332502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800957356265186,0.08893941930653394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876435137271859,0.0,0.0,0.07140161670297941
suicidewatch,misselainebenes,2018/04/04,"I want to kill myself. But I’m scared. Which makes me even more depressed knowing I have to live. I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately. I’m so fucking depressed and want to die. I mean I’ve pretty much felt that way since I was a kid but lately it’s been so fucking intense. My “best” friends visited recently and it made me realize how much they don’t even know the real me and if they did, they’d head for the door. The only people that ever really knew me are either dead, dead to me, or in love with someone else. I feel so incredibly alone. I’m currently sleeping with a man 20yrs my senior cause I couldn’t take the Loneliness. I think the whole thing has made me feel more alone though. I wish I could just run away and go traveling again, instead of being stuck in adulthood like I am right now. I’m so fucking stupid for convincing myself I am a normal person that can live a normal life. I need to be able to run away at a moments notice. So many people are terrified of not knowing the future or having no plan. The plans scare me. The responsibility and bills. I just want a full tank of gas and the freedom to go wherever I want on a moments notice. To owe nothing to anyone. To disappear. 

Instead I’m stuck in my bed broke as fuck and miserable and missing people who are never coming back. I wanna die. But I can’t. ",1.6166545893719793,3.6950903514492737,3.4459420289855096,88.56379227053141,80.26811594202898,6.1178743961352655,21.816425120772948,7.2427474758485975,0.7366193236714977,1051,32,218,14,27,352,151,276,0.246,0.624,0.13,-0.9911,2,2,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,3,3,17,18,6,3,16,0,21,8,2,5,2,52,59,22,5,12,10,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,9,12,0,0,11,1,2,9,7,13,0,0,10,3,33,5,28,44,8,33,0,5,0,5,10,10,4,3,14,148,42,1,0.09661311829507213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012410712344456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755413867880397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154240989519252,0.07428952439702019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138950709495433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992482857973005,0.0,0.08322364670107574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713771347762974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642547443791314,0.0,0.20053832709209926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070786321096689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762410690775106,0.08739209670330085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977009910187761,0.0,0.09276374452342333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464305553557067,0.3572690842429863,0.0,0.0,0.1647223847318229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915293225604692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688810096914336,0.0,0.21238417265459528,0.0,0.2179676112161381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682407026411616,0.047200289481867684,0.0,0.17062230697785813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719711128928108,0.18283533707654012,0.06449000667511913,0.09795053792267147,0.0,0.10524000892949016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420435167894894,0.07163740303541913,0.07451399283897697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189320686043732,0.09270289267433132,0.21998935105275225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734786300172489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009381144992136,0.08435884835356416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829027434908222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099668799231689,0.061892837500104825,0.0,0.09539379882294696,0.0,0.0,0.0825070751388817,0.0,0.0,0.19345317141624954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991936982610047,0.0,0.09668289113366782,0.0,0.08185998160999555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726410413069695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418546283738047,0.06190578513674575,0.09492189819331392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793968132005935,0.07668699633213254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786509632308523,0.11110031803655424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,azureshades,2018/04/04,"Life is good at 22 I don't know how much longer it will take for me to finally figure out how i will off myself.
I don't want to be in distress any longer. I've tried everything from exercise to meds and right now i feel like it has all been a waste of time.
I'm worse than what i was two years ago, when i tried hanging myself but failed. Whatever makes me human is gone now as i have drenched myself in lust and drugs over these years to try and ease my fucking existance. Every now and then i remember when i was a happy kid and loved my family (i cried today because i can't connect to anyone anymore). However i've changed. I still empathize with how everyone feels around me but my mind cannot distinguish what is really happening or what is just happening up here.
I even have a minimum wage job and a place to live and family overseas willing to take me in. But i've killed my whole sense of being in this fucking shithole of a city and now my anxiety is so severe i am willing to destroy myself, since that is all that makes me feel alive. I'm fucked up and i blame myself for not having the balls to man up when i should have. I still picture how 'perfect' all this anxiety could shape me up and end up being like a fucking hero in a tragedy movie, but the pain is just too much for any normal human bean to endure. Fuck the last ten years of my life. Everytime i gain something i manage to throw it all away. Maybe suffering is my drug of choice. Maybe deep down i want to feel normal. And maybe, i won't muster up the courage to end my life for now

Tl;dr Fucker turns himself schizophrenic and is too much of a pussy to take life by the balls. Fucker thinks taking his own life is inevitable",4.586058869497265,4.910027461318052,5.203121906746549,86.01363831727016,69.51575931232091,8.637718155769733,27.324954415212297,8.575989854853784,1.6931020057306585,1340,40,286,20,22,432,179,349,0.193,0.71,0.097,-0.9906,3,0,3,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,4,22,21,9,1,13,0,33,19,0,6,5,50,59,27,1,6,8,0,4,2,0,6,10,0,0,4,11,15,0,0,9,3,1,3,6,13,0,2,4,4,42,8,47,45,9,46,0,2,0,9,7,22,7,1,23,197,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695388079272394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180707045446052,0.0,0.13282236930849245,0.0,0.08609449099391424,0.060701190318520525,0.0,0.0,0.0772813671365566,0.0,0.0,0.08156302921961887,0.0,0.0,0.0529199824931503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183592015859428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931257089671486,0.0,0.09535925349471353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134945255444398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537798906582053,0.0,0.0,0.05733871642914835,0.0,0.07314312099821685,0.08295288886008931,0.07802131255301083,0.0,0.16367785215931888,0.0,0.17557966295259975,0.0620187363912706,0.0,0.09509864958446627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012829395373806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281405245946812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353568989876148,0.09241332538797482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614782895740795,0.0,0.09604496610581434,0.0,0.047709778916155215,0.07076362479020888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065905331267599,0.08482422575323519,0.0,0.07665686611512998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078351505194405,0.0,0.11589579100228628,0.0,0.2616439214591141,0.0,0.0964289134098326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765569245009489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191451124567208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011527671774188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923744256845824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090700393884261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561419302983323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834143176321734,0.07413724412122727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807320771935822,0.0,0.07181204546202706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683236265618844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865685650185178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108823290753463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055625827209045436,0.0,0.0,0.0506209599897402,0.0,0.0822879255270347,0.0,0.0,0.1768195935728812,0.09442687177750536,0.0848030190859064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240830722998426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692285134097232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846916729368591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771285708970846
suicidewatch,AnaNur313,2018/04/04,"Flowers. Sometimes when you think life can't possibly get any worse and then it does. You lose all hope for anything. Then one thing just makes you forget about the pain. One insignificant thing that nobody really cares about but you do. It could be a game, a girl, a celebrity, a dog, bird, whatever. Anything. For me it's the flowers. I'll have such a bad day and I'll come across a flower and I think to myself ""If I die, I'll never see another flower again. I'll never hold a rose, a tulip, a daisy."" And for me that's enough to change my mood. I know it sounds crazy but it's true. The simple things keep me sane from this crazy life. I've thought about suicide more than the average person should. But I fight it. And when I'm done with my flowers, my demons take over my brain and tells me horrible things. I think there's something wrong with me? Mhmm... ",0.3041379310344823,2.725205189655174,1.3432471264367831,98.3452155172414,91.93103448275862,4.5091954022988485,16.445402298850574,6.21433560688645,-0.4730873563218396,669,16,148,7,24,208,104,174,0.238,0.72,0.042,-0.9893,5,0,1,0,1,1,31.0,0,4,0,1,9,9,1,0,13,0,7,4,1,1,4,30,21,14,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,13,9,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,5,0,2,2,2,19,3,14,16,3,11,1,1,1,0,9,2,0,2,8,91,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992391996124922,0.15407891031688545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24183742817340698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268837085178558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403311259718648,0.0,0.0,0.1498146450258492,0.0,0.15544254048265255,0.12657539518062585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731925905422586,0.0,0.0,0.09476384159524373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250003458581904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285877739277173,0.15037015669407552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518278151027203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676984032654488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594410934917426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060660676024252,0.0,0.0,0.08075412352580251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075754727555566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643877496936184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808327805466002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665764993347556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914005828038311,0.0,0.15635402116340344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283019308885542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656522433146738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941332262639816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709178201072233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312122990432835,0.14532695355310266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607279978400417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048024058338918,0.0,0.12843162685741535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904803812634561,0.28245875523077346,0.0,0.1166535744375645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974393564921873,0.0,0.16065531037138334,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TranscendentalHoot,2018/04/04,"My mum passed away recently. Don’t really wanna keep living anymore. On top of that I’ve been comfort eating so have put on a bit of weight. Don’t really know why I’m posting, guessing some of you have lost family members and are still around",2.1177551020408174,4.459495877551023,3.885061224489796,84.66351020408162,80.0204081632653,7.185306122448982,22.044897959183675,8.238735603445708,1.4621314285714289,194,6,37,4,5,65,41,49,0.048,0.861,0.09,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,8,9,2,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367814512352716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125431494255908,0.0,0.0,0.22431879441776784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606593348219352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443066374189152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507758000506264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630162682379581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122169936650187,0.0,0.0,0.13121386234433666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108256149301286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606299980143625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866191646645345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400153750224658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059059687294805,0.0,0.2357424026622575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906705721075116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29074006299962896,0.0,0.0,0.21543983987190995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0riginal0username69,2018/04/04,"I want to break the cycle I just want to break the fucking cycle that controls my life even if it means that I have to commit suicide.


Every fucking day I wake up tired, eyes hurting and mom screaming in my ear to “wake up” and every time I tell her the same thing “my eyes hurt” but she just turns her back on me and tells me to get ready for school.


When walking towards the bus I stand there being looked by everyone that goes on the bus  with a face of disappointment on their face, once we get on the bus I sit in my seat and sit there trying to go to sleep so I don’t fall asleep in class and I have a paranoia that everyone just stares at me when i sleep. 


Once I get to class I get looks from my class mates that signify disgust and embarrassment for me an once class starts the teacher always looks at me to check on me if I’m sleeping or if my mind is somewhere else and most of the time trying to embarrass me, after class my class mates make fun of me for having sleeping, and concentrating problems and always threatening to put photos of me doing something that isn’t work.

(I’m going to skip all day for the sake of me sleeping tonight)

When it’s after school and I’m riding the bus I always play on my phone and listen to music making people stare at me for a sec and once it’s my time to get off the bus i walk home tired only to complain to my mom that “im tired” and all she can say is “if only you did the things I did” while giving me her back.


A few hours later my friend calls so we can play online only for me either to realize that I’m bad at everything or just get pissed off and get off. 


At night I spend time playing a game that I know is eventually going to die while thinking about tomorrow and how it’s all a cycle no matter what I do.


I’m sorry this didn’t really had anything to do with suicide but I guess I just wanted to share my reason for depression and eventually suicidal thoughts.",4.977488643737836,4.5631459203980125,5.785725719229938,84.71247566515251,68.65174129353234,8.583344148821112,27.179753406878646,7.893859768569023,1.3996040233614535,1508,39,329,16,23,496,178,402,0.193,0.737,0.07,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,2,1,1,2,17,20,4,2,19,0,18,20,14,5,4,57,52,32,4,8,14,2,0,0,3,0,4,4,1,0,17,20,0,1,6,4,2,8,4,14,0,0,5,11,54,6,59,46,7,54,0,4,7,2,24,20,3,8,21,217,71,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042747574829136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277664273732858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731801060819713,0.063695384814172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789624334668298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556091506515864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839594926515303,0.0,0.06570477376876466,0.0,0.07917252727116894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372692535859689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038599469303436,0.0,0.1285480086043448,0.14578853794332866,0.06856068089869463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058938153476061135,0.1410498268611905,0.2789929592707974,0.07318020819095124,0.1300647879780387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403731460475049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652079119572783,0.0,0.075126061798147,0.0,0.16333086943794328,0.0,0.08240166191848465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192463342366007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388285590294978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218236037904224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184261305538524,0.0,0.0,0.08309750657450647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702682462489739,0.1786898127152664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158897494356985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249671832655999,0.0,0.17405616940896382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288690888733034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299512577962389,0.0,0.0766882129225997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887058185756786,0.07843441945894453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066546173390094,0.0,0.15441043073112085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817040336344438,0.0,0.0,0.05872846969427136,0.0,0.08539561132763074,0.05399542107791923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503325686474513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335415309859686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136167745273496,0.04888080531090882,0.0,0.06056233579566836,0.17793125345252786,0.2630376188161292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358598469147272,0.0829769509427417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498587200644613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553690842072277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JMoFlow,2018/04/04,"I’m lonely and scared I’m 18 and never had a legit girlfriend. I’ve talked to girls but nothing ever got serious. I feel l’m never going to be able to have somebody to Love and I’m terrified. I’m painfully shy so it’s hard for me to just go up to a girl and have a normal conversation. I don’t see myself ever finding the love of my life, and I’m the only one to blame. It makes me sick to my stomach especially watching so many movies about love knowing I’ll probably never have that feeling. I just want to love someone unconditionally, man. ",1.6710539018503638,3.745706628318586,4.184505229283992,83.35862429605794,80.06194690265488,6.232984714400643,24.432019308125504,7.348242739294969,1.2178212389380532,431,16,86,6,11,151,72,113,0.201,0.608,0.19,0.3737,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,5,0,6,8,1,1,5,20,24,8,0,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,2,5,8,4,13,21,0,8,0,1,2,4,10,1,0,0,5,51,11,0,0.16203311501742304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931364582083254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385762300634732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480953316485408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417430663800485,0.0,0.12959268408618804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514984450832796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904916248153427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444878102531025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5849648499936173,0.0,0.10815836248188823,0.16427614652463007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749097819783723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875804982927533,0.1554751439164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979783218578257,0.12323348546255175,0.17241465856257393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746991033586378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222341503789994,0.0,0.1291194141707649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729013253692995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023608014569488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557132937052656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ianjames92,2018/04/04,"Tried to help And now the admins hate me as well.

I'm close to jumping from Wratting Road bridge.",0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,95.5,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.242833333333333,77,2,17,0,3,23,19,20,0.151,0.653,0.196,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6015841964335248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084189987496205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136929898519712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5478580894804096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RashEatsAss,2018/04/04,Feel like a letdown Current age 18. I overheard my parents discussing a divorce and my name was brought up several times on how my dad hates who I am. I am overweight and he hates that about me which I can understand but he went into more detail on how he hates me as a person and can’t stand to even look at me anymore. My dad and I have a bad relationship ever since I could remember and has made me feel sad after many times he yelled at me but what he said at this current point was too much. His hatred is affecting my family and I don’t want too see that anymore. I’m highly considering jumping as of now because the pain I’m feeling emotionally is too much to handle I have vomited and have trouble breathing and don’t want to deal with it anymore.  Thanks for giving this a read I hope the afterlife is better,3.8324650698602767,4.923602820359285,5.099775449101799,83.28682884231539,71.69461077844312,7.961876247504987,29.48552894211577,8.344100000000001,2.064740918163672,649,26,131,10,12,216,101,167,0.175,0.711,0.114,-0.9343,3,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,3,0,7,0,16,4,1,4,1,27,36,14,0,4,2,3,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,8,10,1,0,5,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,6,7,20,4,17,29,3,21,0,1,2,0,18,9,0,1,9,89,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127925633927457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584608010315985,0.08457751855300047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270846617420055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077640193346333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430397563792406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606918164554065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163960613968893,0.12550257965606507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079621274923786,0.0,0.21046055999959745,0.09911928501573618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309661735756725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109451813570972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659145766397266,0.0,0.13780485358855588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778368197983384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651065551995475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128364761229774,0.0,0.1406654108520798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039867270952796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763420798885904,0.0,0.15405963780916146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114657371285173,0.0,0.0,0.13115864546105008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878230735152533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895994958902667,0.15717076759348353,0.0,0.13197803998793964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105616112110796,0.0,0.0,0.15674208785896562,0.0,0.1147711000883202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773753502715227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161806371846669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443818934854413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367050963870705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861778351646433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maalecc,2018/04/04,"Hospitalization So, I'm about to voluntarily admit myself, I know when you arrive to an institute they take your pissesions and search you for anything that could be dangerous. I have piercings in my ears, gauges, and a nose piercing. I know they won't let me have the metal jewelry, but would they make me take them out if I put in plastic retainers in all of my piercings?

I'd also like to know a bit about what I should expect...",6.090357142857144,6.307443511904761,6.835809523809528,75.97585714285717,66.26190476190476,10.053333333333336,31.08571428571429,9.888512548439397,2.8300314285714285,341,12,66,7,5,113,61,84,0.026,0.914,0.06,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,4,0,5,2,1,0,4,0,8,2,2,1,1,16,16,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,17,1,11,10,2,6,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23715525374239915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440398337651169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237616998704197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367753634603715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889372922115357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30324799833952715,0.0,0.1448819934330179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197953038554758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981200955852761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459455221623991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210664454236503,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alyssa6133,2018/04/04,"I need help I guess My brother died by suicide a little over a year ago. He was my best friend and I've been fucked up ever since. I had suicidal thoughts before but now I've tried 3 times since. I don't know what to do. My husband is sick of dealing with it. I've been going to a therapist once a week for a while now, he has control of my meds and I'm being good. He's still pissed. I don't know what else to do. I'm trying. What else can I do to make him see I am trying to be normal? I'm not currently suicidal, but if I had to say I think that's probably how I'll go eventually. ",-1.0959899749373427,0.7123080225563925,1.974766917293234,96.69698746867172,89.07518796992481,5.351177944862156,17.88922305764411,6.742157984588678,-0.15219258145363398,449,12,114,6,15,159,81,133,0.202,0.72,0.078,-0.9618,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,5,0,16,3,1,3,1,18,30,7,4,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,2,14,3,13,22,1,15,0,0,1,1,10,3,2,2,10,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310216947309308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577258961763488,0.0,0.1551139811235108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577774856013053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238218650794907,0.0,0.0,0.15339998770273305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469470131440814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369959502500078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419506652204515,0.1366448846066992,0.0,0.0,0.16800387343161405,0.12397322208041844,0.0,0.0,0.16282571077699914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907169520968204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624613606081768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814111345509942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866209990242007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417988964129054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959677288663264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481915418414626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740927956612016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936058935174285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754179643763728,0.0,0.0,0.11778277932407875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453440948280436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180385975196576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850295206642535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716149359634127,0.0,0.0947085459064744,0.0,0.11734198574317092,0.08618725785418095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30105307975246104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856159504078355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518264938990864
suicidewatch,throwaway86247,2018/04/04,I have BPD and I feel like I don’t deserve to live What’s the point of living when all I do is hurt people who are close to me? I’ve been in therapy for years and I still can’t hold back the tsunami of rage towards myself and others. It’s pretty evident from r/Borderline and the whole internet that dealing with people with BPD is a fucking nightmare. There’s rot inside of me that I can’t contain and I don’t want to hurt others anymore...,3.9405673758865234,4.2037084468085135,5.332765957446809,84.73333333333333,70.91489361702128,7.9687943262411345,28.43262411347518,7.793537801064563,1.6493602836879435,350,12,74,4,6,118,61,94,0.118,0.8029999999999999,0.079,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,13,13,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,10,1,12,12,2,8,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193195517025688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979403044543566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490703464801088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083675535566697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849992540672936,0.13916966932574495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009529781177802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170883754750148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517252475456496,0.0,0.3440350877671914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27010833882927143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841549332718559,0.0,0.0,0.1981880550163706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557257364426158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277799708537044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490181099055942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174942921463658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544887895166215
suicidewatch,dddeleteddd,2018/04/04,"idek what I want but this isn't it I wrote this earlier.....


For some reason I just cannot get past leaving LA.  I try and think of ways to make it less destructive to my life.  Its not like I was doing big things but when I think about where I am at now I can’t think its not good enough.  That I gave up on a dream for this, for this!  I hate my life, I was this close to leaving so many times.  I so wish I kept my month to month place because right now where I am in my head I just want to throw away all meaningless possessions, pack up my car and leave town for an unknown time period.  I’m so fucking unhappy its like what is keeping me from just doing that.  I feel like suicide is the only answer, every time I think about pulling the trigger and leaving this shit of a life I confide in the wrong people.  My family are the wrong people.  They seem to want what’s best for me and not what will make me happy.  I’m so fucking alone right now.  Nothing makes me more miserable than existing in this shit of a life.  I just want the pain to be over.  I just feel like I have screwed myself over time and again and have nothing to show for it.  I’m so incredibly sad and feel so worthless.  ",1.760980952380951,3.2341191400000042,2.976857142857142,94.92366666666666,77.6,6.361904761904763,21.504761904761907,7.07126945348624,0.3093161904761903,915,24,216,10,21,295,124,250,0.292,0.63,0.078,-0.9972,0,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,1,20,20,7,1,9,0,16,11,3,5,1,42,43,16,1,5,10,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,20,8,0,2,10,2,0,3,6,13,0,0,5,3,33,7,31,36,6,35,0,3,0,3,3,18,5,2,17,145,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312985811694393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355416118434214,0.0,0.0,0.06070010664642995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449801007531456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288778099886904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389638537048189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387061950573418,0.0,0.15104461156350313,0.14227305965243714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841113022171893,0.0520239227146342,0.0,0.0,0.08351893824266741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599963269691877,0.0,0.098309876986128,0.10219286404248636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885069968520707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42174296032954667,0.0,0.0,0.2813315829798536,0.19458961650596407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940162134279885,0.1009536054765492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589599203369501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109014512952827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573141284405062,0.10595501408532458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505577826457444,0.1380657868523391,0.0,0.10403487156029298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023798711886887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007332250018722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064950579500154,0.0,0.0,0.2044249865178876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891908726319156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661533262607517,0.2552150234986929,0.0,0.0,0.23225235725046645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760501220524473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349280886910725,0.07903814452767566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450654496901345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773965960865707,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gaillee7,2018/04/04,I want to die  I’m going to kill myself  not sure how or when but very soon  I just can’t do this anymore  I am at big failure  going to be 59 years old and I’m gonna lose everything  and my health is bad eyes have COPD can’t breathe can’t do anything shower hardly at all I hate my life I just want to die and I don’t know why God is leading ,-0.17271428571428515,1.013817300000003,2.289642857142855,99.00250000000004,82.25,5.071428571428573,18.92857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.6107678571428572,264,6,70,1,7,91,53,80,0.325,0.617,0.058,-0.9804,1,0,0,0,0,4,0.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,0,0,11,4,2,2,2,15,20,7,3,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,2,9,1,6,18,1,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043740621045427,0.0,0.0,0.18291366249419289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855906211660051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613734121681429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997667396574375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526483916439961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991150417874729,0.21945087655771275,0.0,0.23626828817215756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459147265233647,0.0,0.12215671169825362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699964332426478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24866924522599435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233240574462516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949187371926675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340043080871452,0.2622075043312211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056891808037475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313802884171856
suicidewatch,TrueOffMyChest,2018/04/04,"Miserable no matter what I do When I'm unemployed I feel like a useless sack of shit, yet when I'm working I feel like my life has no meaning other than work. I don't even have time to do anything I like anymore. Lately, all my mornings consist of are me driving to work for an hour thinking about the least painful way to die. What is the point of living if you get 2 fucking days to enjoy in the week and the other 5 are you on auto pilot doing the same shit day in and day out, I seriously don't understand how anybody can live with this, and the weird part is I actually enjoy the work I do for the most part, which makes me feel even more stupid.

I'm at a mental low I haven't been at for years. I don't really need advice or anything I just wanted to say this out loud, ranting sometimes helps.",5.433267587113743,4.438137165680473,6.396055226824457,82.65129520052598,67.87573964497042,8.931229454306377,30.612097304404998,7.793537801064563,1.8550586456278768,627,20,136,6,9,210,102,169,0.171,0.7140000000000001,0.115,-0.8796,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,4,8,15,4,1,11,0,16,5,2,2,1,23,30,8,1,3,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,1,5,17,5,21,29,7,22,0,3,0,1,4,9,3,3,14,93,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.1320744091367222,0.0,0.0,0.1322547766573035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422303925963386,0.0,0.0,0.22275010511276036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26185345877595634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046377763053852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878441924723412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529916364229928,0.19337690933248725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512163118904884,0.07071068416244472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071698618633812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328474917227706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526718334419053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559615880048364,0.19836400538536195,0.0,0.23901918534645605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034193202225793,0.0,0.0,0.14742727164886366,0.0,0.0,0.13639304826947787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035448481002927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401358347219068,0.0,0.0,0.2931247057611285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279420724608066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670364303522997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762950508904214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778535316505883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385684103644674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672178095410406,0.0,0.0,0.07891909251828362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408959449282131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982830308395955,0.10742829419339432,0.10856330414838664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941227707928293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871559033244397
suicidewatch,whaw11,2018/04/04,"Fantasizing about suicide Usual stuff: I’m depressed and I have suicidal thoughts. But I don’t see myself doing that in any time soon. Instead, I have just been _fantasizing_ about it.

I try to imagine how I could leave my body to be found... What I would write on my suicide note and what other people’s reactions would be. I picture people discussing the reasoning behind my decision, wondering why I would do it. I think about people telling others of what they have noticed on me that could indicate I was depressed. I think about the message I would leave behind to those who would see me dead. A song. Yes. What I ache for. “What Else is There?”.

The meaning behind these thoughts are quite obvious: they are just attention-seeking thoughts. I have come to accept that. I normally don’t seek for much attention around others. They just occur in my mind. My fantasies. 

But I would like to ask people around here what they think about it. If there is anything else that it could mean.

EDIT1: English
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suicidewatch,supremegent1999,2018/04/04,Is it over? Is it over? https://imgur.com/gallery/mcHgb,11.944285714285721,15.224687000000005,4.317857142857143,70.33964285714289,107.57142857142857,7.114285714285713,17.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.5244857142857153,47,1,6,1,2,11,4,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imnotok909,2018/04/04,"I just can't do it anymore. Every time I think my life is under control it all turns to shit. I try to keep it together for the sake of my daughter. She is the only thing keeping me alive. She is a year old and I think how sad it would be for her to grow up without a mom. Of course I also think how sad it will be for her to grow up with a mom who is as mentally fucked up as I am. 

There is no winning in my situation. I want to end it so badly but have always been too chicken-shit. I have prayed to get some terminal illness so I won't have any guilt for dying. The guilt of ending my own life also keeps me alive. 

I've been drinking a lot more than ever and have considered taking up weed again. Maybe that would help. I don't want to be happy, I just want to feel ok. I have always felt I am not cut out for this world. I'm too sensitive and weak. I was sexually abused from 6 years old until 17 years old. I never did anything to stop it despite having multiple chances to do so. I am haunted by it. There have been other traumas in my life as well and at age 35 I am tired. I'm so tired of everything. 

I tried therapy but I kept getting switched to different doctors. I can't heal if I have to keep telling the same things over and over to different people. 

I am plagued by nightmares and never want to sleep. I feel if I stay up that tomorrow will never come. But it does and I live the same day over and over. I am stuck. I wish I could disappear from this existence and start over somewhere else. Again, the guilt keeps me here. I can't abandon my girl, she is truly the light of my life. She is amazing and keeps me hanging on, hoping for a better day. 

I want to go but I want to stay. I hold on to that small sliver of hope and fear that someday it will slip away. I just needed to vent. I hate these bad days, I hate my brain, I hate myself, I hate everything. I hate that I posted this, I just don't know what else to do right now. ",0.5018671957054508,2.3126383779904316,2.500930096860777,95.29077897070835,82.6842105263158,5.609149258956705,20.003734391410894,6.697824305789354,0.07314113665538535,1494,41,354,16,41,500,196,418,0.184,0.675,0.142,-0.981,2,0,1,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,0,3,22,27,8,4,12,1,44,15,3,3,5,68,84,29,1,15,12,3,3,0,0,6,10,0,0,1,24,14,1,11,7,1,0,6,12,19,1,0,8,4,59,8,60,66,7,54,1,3,0,1,13,21,2,6,24,250,83,1,0.0,0.08600599792083741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609866288794225,0.120799589391559,0.0,0.0,0.049362953373313416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198870136370204,0.0,0.0,0.05973449448077817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819967787747411,0.0,0.12121742886294115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419899903434913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103323900778199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252892533572539,0.0,0.0,0.08141464382087697,0.05795634435409741,0.0,0.0,0.1404415408029273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533583650048747,0.15167993894907295,0.0,0.07429783335845709,0.06352305124972724,0.0,0.0,0.07110950468295296,0.0,0.0,0.12127745305011385,0.0,0.12858447150955138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566083206280071,0.06115929409144144,0.0,0.13047647775232862,0.0,0.0,0.08168271359311796,0.07340627591797733,0.0,0.06969674467644384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710728494520513,0.07584942724395846,0.0,0.041253954872602534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727225292326549,0.0,0.35833264163508843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048654821580600166,0.0,0.0,0.14419434841441098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38712219309967494,0.0,0.0,0.039892970930812816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508679777674188,0.0,0.0,0.06409734442392445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061712502220883286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292532467565008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315255617899964,0.0,0.0,0.17003052673704658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382376287518642,0.1679551454202839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285095757956357,0.0,0.0,0.05520714306863651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032401589639531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952011794791813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061990539294182766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902296225130712,0.0,0.08159298511116922,0.07264134077966376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137880972485268,0.15474025650372691,0.0,0.0606875857071143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457783248200453,0.0,0.06344591375798668,0.0,0.0830117538413172,0.0,0.0964497032391075,0.13953614279491788,0.0,0.0,0.042327181790329765,0.16686056580155514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985662208272156,0.07895589827669605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568889470592041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526615479878575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347367324860627,0.06997312654415302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313016924112724,0.0,0.0,0.1402346496797071
suicidewatch,SomeNoob1306,2018/04/04,"The pain of existence So I've been looking for a place to vent. I don't feel like I'm in immediate danger but at the same time I do. 

I don't know where to start so I'm just going to start venting. I am 25 and have battled with depression for most of my adult life. I would say a huge factor in this is my father. He's a good person and loves me I know, but he has his own demons. There is a very personal past with my grandfather that gave him his own issues mostly anger. This led me to spend most of my pubescent time doing what my dad wanted me to do. Spending time with him, trying to make him happy, trying to keep him from getting angry. I think the main result of this was at the time I should have been developing social skills I wasn't. This left me with crippling social anxiety and I have no true friends and I often feel I have no clue how to communicate, especially with the opposite sex. I'm extremely extremely lonely. There is much more to this but I don't want to get too personal in public. This started me down my path. 

Couple this with the fact that when was 21 I was diagnosed with a chronic back condition. While we were diagnosing this and figuring out what treatment works for me I spent months in bed and slipped into a deep depression that i spent years ignoring. I spent some of this time contemplating suicide very seriously just to escape the pain. Eventually we were able to control the pain but the depression stayed. 

Fast forward to last year bad I finally sought help for the depression and anxiety issues I have been having. I have been fighting for every inch of progress and I feel like I have a mountain left to climb. I still battle with a certain disregard for whether I wake up in the morning if not actively suicidal. 

Now I have had a massive resurgence of back pain that hasn't responded to treatment and I am spending 24 hours a day in near unbearable pain. I don't want to live if this is what existence is going to be like. The pain has consumed my mind and I can't help but pause for a second every time I see a viable way to stop the pain. The pain has become everything I am, consumed me and my mind. All I can think about is ending this pain. The loneliness, the emotional pain, and the physical. 

I have no fight left. I have lost all will and energy to resist and I'm scared of what every passing hour of pain is bringing me closer to. I've admitted that I will be alone forever and I'm afraid I will be in pain forever. I don't want all that pain to last for another 50 years. I enjoy nothing and have no one. I love to go be miserable and in pain in a shitty job just so I can barely scrape by. Overcoming my lack of courage will be my final act. It's just a matter of how long I last. 

",2.7266988807823083,4.4619547001795326,4.200317048015588,86.05643951258646,75.6068222621185,7.828396806600711,24.956988425837498,8.593345894127513,1.6641818938844108,2156,73,449,43,47,716,243,557,0.278,0.622,0.1,-0.999,1,3,0,0,3,1,42.0,2,0,0,6,20,44,6,3,31,0,59,23,1,6,6,83,96,32,2,9,13,2,3,3,1,6,19,1,1,4,22,29,0,5,9,0,6,9,13,32,0,2,16,6,66,12,68,69,14,68,1,7,2,3,30,26,0,7,36,312,88,2,0.05143692054170803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327313711762232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393609605570175,0.07869820685072786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910363376990212,0.04294768013071984,0.0,0.05680803754471045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576908801576551,0.0,0.05691397423353524,0.0,0.03317255847913559,0.0,0.1772101771652605,0.1044147832223245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057859612389190074,0.04555784431308122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001347203774302,0.0,0.046228187511104316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802415759726977,0.07349309262515781,0.0,0.11269326447325605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039740037215725416,0.0,0.05374733600487613,0.0,0.08769836192445518,0.04314284854221905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547555583822992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895416719071168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131001110992977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737356262808387,0.05104320679060295,0.04571949836120895,0.0,0.0,0.0565367726760768,0.1257838663074748,0.0,0.0,0.16765909401289222,0.0,0.03633141814906922,0.07538844359239402,0.0,0.04541974320639773,0.04552005605391729,0.04319405853556385,0.0,0.05614947493747161,0.0,0.09284765804069887,0.0,0.034334543875823936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038732534586745,0.0,0.041056459239544665,0.0,0.03781205500608712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049355112521187336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03485498855702805,0.0,0.7662551404049303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910236086593616,0.0,0.1347382050075161,0.053740634175614525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040904703741585696,0.05149733070558906,0.0,0.040988566111188916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486692577625127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922195131139416,0.05482491339741122,0.04107759118838698,0.043003568765706116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125272850452016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591740350261023,0.0,0.0,0.1799596920757659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698445852793588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848816927140245,0.12135531368062848,0.04082823333443067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744669076513042,0.0,0.0,0.036539312555482185,0.0,0.0,0.09937107120952804
suicidewatch,HalfMoon75,2018/04/04,"Done Before I say this, is this the right subreddit? 


I feel as if I am too young to die yet the pain I feel is like a burning knife through my chest. I am 14 years old and have a great life on the outside, I have friends live a middle class life and I can afford therapy. However through all of this I'm still depressed for no reason. I know the ""hormone"" bullshit but I know that doesn't take it to the measures I'm put through. I stay awake at night praying to Whatever god there is that I'd die painlessly and drift away. I don't know what causes this- I am becoming anti social and suicidal. Somedays I feel like putting the noose around my neck and Letting go. It is probably what I will do if this hell doesn't stop. ",0.7541647058823528,3.032608706666668,2.1685098039215696,95.2311176470588,85.26666666666667,5.662745098039216,23.490196078431374,7.048011613610866,0.787760784313726,566,22,126,8,17,182,93,150,0.202,0.6729999999999999,0.125,-0.9483,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,9,0,17,5,2,2,1,19,27,9,3,2,3,0,3,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,7,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,1,4,16,4,13,24,1,18,2,1,0,0,3,6,1,2,9,80,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658845982693804,0.0,0.0,0.14415594538126944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945538880882824,0.13056071754803575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761860245041445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215216002130958,0.0,0.31847976617506984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701587371341835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23274195929969665,0.21922603074886451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854244132915118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719986736682962,0.0,0.0,0.16916111788670207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529693299547801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568962813269913,0.216749419783465,0.1499198420128146,0.0,0.13548470563834705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398706714673526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100278355504713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326419936852635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542740320363186,0.0,0.0,0.3084863520438296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775532517615176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103148100937362,0.0,0.12201658033310725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640626264034554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635398337577973,0.12253229449582267,0.1282773843335914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783148708427778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153629941249704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546472688993164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880622670050472
suicidewatch,MindlessReplacement,2018/04/04,"Think I'm going to kill myself Not tonight, but probably soon.  I just really don't feel like I can do it anymore. I guess, more importantly, I don't want to even try. I've been having these thoughts for years and they've only gotten worse the past nine months or so. Life isn't improving. I'm not improving.  I just want it all to stop.",0.6411428571428566,2.90923275714286,2.488214285714289,92.80803571428574,85.71428571428572,6.357142857142858,18.75,7.6454224807358475,0.5110000000000006,263,7,59,5,8,87,50,70,0.306,0.649,0.045,-0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,15,17,4,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,1,6,1,4,14,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26107974464263994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173878459244471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311041461220166,0.18807052197145435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961475619934952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900067542883495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912543524636149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859458768488298,0.12861384592383332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101288554793437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021845847710806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25130815177931826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28383507161637944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864887807701542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009425200411653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686841584823327,0.0,0.208996283601262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787339073804633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105510514346295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682809008931269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952857802622073
suicidewatch,ermac78,2018/04/04,"39m, married, kids, ""successful"", almost jumped from 5 story building today I have dealt with depression for at minimum 24 years but that was when I was diagnosed. In reality I have likely been dealing with it my entire life. Depression, anxiety and PTSD now as an adult due to multiple traumas in my life including molestation by a family member over the course of several years as a young child into my teen years. I've been on countless meds, been in counseling, been to the hospital, done heavy counseling from that for over a month and still I continue to find darkness and despair in my life. I've been married twice and my second marriage is failing. I struggle over our lack of a sex life as she has zero sex drive which also causes issues for my mental stability likely due to the sexual abuse. I have gotten to the point that I just don't really care anymore. I'm not a very religious man but I do believe in God and that Jesus died for our sins. I also fear that by committing suicide that I'll go to hell. Honestly that's about the only thing from stopping me. It's not my kids or my wife or my parents or friends.

Today I was very close to jumping off the roof of a parking ram at my work. It's 5 stories down to concrete so I'm pretty sure a header would do the job quickly and painfree. For some reason though I just couldn't do it. I have so much pain and can only suffer so much and honestly believe that THIS IS MY LIFE. I do not believe it will get better. I'm ruining my family with my depression and hurting my kids. Why can't I just check out and at least let them live without me? Why can't I just find peace? Why do I continue to suffer day after day after day? When will the pain end?",3.8731304347826097,5.029216718840583,5.320115942028988,81.49930434782611,71.66666666666666,8.650434782608697,28.29275362318841,9.065960079200117,2.3146788405797105,1348,50,265,27,25,454,177,345,0.26,0.669,0.07,-0.9979,2,0,0,0,1,1,31.0,2,0,1,4,16,26,2,2,16,0,30,10,0,2,2,41,37,26,2,3,13,2,0,2,1,3,8,0,0,6,16,16,0,1,3,0,1,4,8,17,0,3,10,0,36,9,48,22,5,45,3,9,0,2,15,18,1,5,25,187,52,4,0.0,0.11374303853333392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612906505004352,0.0,0.0,0.15354062513973074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343892149445119,0.0,0.09520514651446653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244737728076336,0.0,0.0849032555576717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787731086682423,0.09861734899910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573411126432526,0.09897068531141948,0.2480512226957492,0.09743689691010422,0.09963173686913088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824023925898344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502656123565433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809985019494762,0.10802548966737033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548257240823265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416853801530386,0.0,0.05015548063102384,0.0,0.05455840629912618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276884398746107,0.0,0.0,0.10019794544213888,0.0952641287858126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816541380103268,0.33903442937301137,0.09380045979229716,0.0,0.08476881720976406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663317389335472,0.0,0.09674434594594628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662543296957391,0.0,0.14114052404792346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460230298624285,0.20429926769906864,0.0,0.10659545512910727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075002191265992,0.0,0.0,0.09766542777875063,0.0,0.0,0.11221761621152156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149937510012536,0.09870289240927528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845147003337552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666487243316931,0.08025940709312912,0.0,0.10035892907167007,0.0,0.1050072521740292,0.0,0.09047785888022772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377742586134515,0.0,0.09431846491440364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819915285108458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841834819350073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25987231786595744,0.0,0.0,0.09253954632484028,0.0,0.06988836705119841,0.0,0.0,0.06819488813291692,0.0,0.0,0.1854604974981982
suicidewatch,NDeto,2018/04/04,I wish someone cared I don’t have many friends. Certainly no true close friends anymore. I just wish someone would ask me if I was ok. Maybe they have and I just say “yeah I’m fine” afraid they’d treat me different. I just want someone to really care. I feel like I show the signs but people just ignore it or don’t pay any thought to it. ,-0.3667605633802786,1.8950814084507075,0.9733661971831004,100.72990845070423,94.07042253521126,4.530140845070423,19.77605633802817,6.2581,-0.08168281690140766,264,9,62,3,10,83,49,71,0.08800000000000001,0.5720000000000001,0.341,0.8905,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,12,0,1,1,2,7,0,0,0,2,19,16,4,0,5,7,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,12,10,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,32,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290778796553569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882413489504232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774475122210898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870496019122511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831192795268252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597406355766223,0.1356009015642907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932947672857173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092731988395128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243839912107047,0.1906905004472497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159093659823226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159768407789348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094519790776936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824783246890667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150688604374793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119553508833932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365461956252864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483617434182374,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tthsv1,2018/04/04,"I'm heading out I've had a bag in my room with a noose laying inside of it for weeks now. I've been really hesitant to go outside and set it up somewhere far away, but now I made sure to intoxicate myself enough so that I don't have to rationalize anything anymore and just get it over with.

It's currently 3 am where I live and I think I'm finally ready. Just wondering if anyone would be willing to try a last minute effort to change my mind, (really drunk sorry if incoherent)

(Edit: I'd like to thank the people that reached out but I guess I can't bring myself to respond to anyone, this was a pointless effort)",3.6867366579177614,4.649604795275593,5.4298687664042005,81.26655293088366,71.91338582677166,8.479090113735781,26.70953630796151,8.841846274778883,1.9405982502187231,487,16,99,9,9,167,87,127,0.051,0.83,0.119,0.8444,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,5,0,10,3,1,1,1,20,20,8,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,10,3,18,13,1,18,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,7,64,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083672259009909,0.2938199294645291,0.0,0.1728981169235767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974001116491272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226272204645267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709413241906045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015923053945875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977093933918072,0.0,0.11940723990588747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314538148730229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562785146436814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126322511479486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264645510622958,0.0,0.1855261394112008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880597582212986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214566994243306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566001872366627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691966695794208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351948073085712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802102250291384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343601249701767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462649201115506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264717665588414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685331716881179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784938820146064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925222197652038,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kimidzonga,2018/04/04,"I'm ready do vanish I'm 20 but i wish i killed myself earlier. I always help everyone, do anything i can to make other people's lifes better but noone appreciates that. Only my parents care about me, I have no friends at all. People say that you should be a kind person but it's bullsh@t, the nicer I am, the worse people treat me. I am Christian and I believe Jesus was kind to everyone but nowadays only ''cold'' people can make friends, have gf or success in their lifes. It's time for me to go but the only problem is that I can't do it the way I want, because weapon access is not available in my country. I feel sorry for my parents, I love and respect them so much but I have to end this asap. I've quit my job yesterday and now I'm ready to end my life, I have to do it, there is jo place for people like me on this word, I'm just a parasite, a useless and worthless piece of crap. ",1.3360075093867323,3.04150306382979,3.410175219023781,90.31029411764708,79.53191489361703,5.700125156445558,23.29286608260325,6.522977012572876,0.5866948685857327,688,23,149,6,17,234,107,188,0.135,0.5710000000000001,0.293,0.9908,3,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,2,3,5,17,3,0,7,0,19,5,1,2,1,22,31,12,1,4,9,2,1,1,3,1,3,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,3,27,11,15,28,3,13,2,2,0,1,12,5,1,1,7,98,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647679776469487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530396204890634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800603209436151,0.0,0.0,0.1441722832406593,0.0,0.11317428927211047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046843752291584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667730639752265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24455131713536304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470274638304373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977302641953889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272523080729752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577197362687188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698511968292772,0.0,0.14157386974800595,0.2665108771880297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711555428425434,0.06251703954496468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549304706643433,0.0,0.17083472757565488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406870438417256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919685325402209,0.0,0.0,0.28417908817829285,0.0,0.0,0.4435727050312468,0.11173375240661268,0.13369577053852327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244483966776334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610610297869388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176258559789836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432458924573999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461718699771241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547683619836205,0.10157234277391948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715297411083966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040685915128464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwwwawwayyy99,2018/04/04,"Why I can't break up with my depressed girlfriend? Hello,

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. The whole relationship I have felt I want to break up with her, but I haven't been able to. There is a lot of reasons why, I can tell you some.

Before we started our relationship, I wanted to just have sex with her, we were like friends with benefits. Then she started to want to have relationship with me, but I didn't want because I just got out of a relationship and wanted to be alone. One day she cut herself and was suicidal, and told me that she doesn't have reason to live. I thought I can save her from this, and I told her that we can start an relationship. I did not want a relationship, but I went in because I wanted her to be happy.

Then couple months passed, things were pretty great for first couple months, we had a lot of fun. Then we got some of our first arguments and she cut herself again, she said because she felt shes worst girlfriend in the world, because shes so needy and ugly etc.

Then the relationship became pretty manipulative, she once hit me drunk because I did not want to have sex with her. She is of course very sorry about her behaviour, and even cutted herself again, because she felt so bad person after doing that.

I think we are codependant with each other. I feel depressed and no-motivation when not being with her, though shes abusive sometimes. When I am with her and she has everything allright, I feel so good. Like if shes happy I feel happy. I feel like its my lifes job to keep her from negative thoughts. Also I don't know is it weird, we talk to each other like people talk to dogs and babies, in cute voice. I feel like shes my baby. I allways want to hold her thight and hug her when I hang out with her.

Good traits is that she is very caring, and pays for everything for me. She even bought Playstation 4 for me to her place, so I would spend more time at her place... And when we still had sex she did every my fantasy I could think of. She is my almost only friend too, we do everything together, go play soccer and ice-skating, swimming etc. And those days I really feel good. She also cared for me 2 days when I was sick, came to my place and took couple days off work because she felt like I was the most important thing. Though then she got sick couple months later and have been accusing me that I did not do the same thing. I feel like shes dream girlfriend, but not for me, now, with her abusive behaviour...

I once called cops when she was in apathethic suicidal very scary state. I got her in therapy for some time doing that and she took SSRI drug, because I told her that I will leave her if she does not try to get better. She stopped using those couple months back. She has borderline diagnosis.

I know I am in abusive relationship, or atleast have been, I think she has been not-abusive for couple of months now... She still tells me a lot that shes not getting enough sex, not enough attention and stuff. And that is true, I rarely see her couple times a week anymore. I make excuses why I can't see her because I have become anxious of faking my feelings, and I know I am about to explode soon.

I haven't given her single clue about that I am thinking about to leaving her. I live in constant fake feelings 24/7 with her. I think about breaking up with her like 20 times a day. I think about other girls. I think about going on vacations with my buddies, without her bringing me down. But theres a lot of reason why I am not able to do it. And I really think that I can't.

**One reason** I have delayed this, is that I allways think this is not the proper time to do it. I was graduating from school, I can't put up with the stress and depression now and fail everything. I was in my first job, I can't put up with the stress. She moved to new house I can't put up with the stress now on her. I got new job I can't put up with the stress now. She got a job I can't put the stress now on her. My step-father was diagnosed with cancer, I can't put up with the stress now.

Also, I am diagnosed with OCD, bad obsessive thoughts (harm-ocd, schiz-ocd, you name it) depression, anxiety disorder and depersonalization, which was so bad at one time I was becoming suicidal too. When I got with her, I forgot about all my OCDs, she assured me that I am okay and that I won't kill anybody (my obsessive OCD thoughts) that I could'nt hurt a butterfly. (read about harm-ocd if you don't know, I thought I was going to kill my whole family, still get it sometimes...), and that I allways helped me to assure that I am totally sane, that I am not going schizophrenic. (read about schiz-ocd if you dont know) She was allways there for me when my depersonalization became worse, holded me in her arms. She is allways there for me. Now when I leave her, I am going to lose human being who I was able to tell all my darkest things. I am going to get panic attacks, and there is no one who is to calm me down. I am going to get my schiz-OCD, think I am going insane and no one is there tell me that I am okay, calm me down and totally sane, its just my OCD talking.

**One reason** is that she is also depressed and suicidal sometimes, and I am her only one too who she can tell everything, I am there to calm her down. She has threatened to kill herself once if I leave her, that she can't do it on her own, and told it in very scary calming voice too, like she could really do it... If she really would kill herself because of the break up, I would have to live that for rest of my life, with my own mental issues too. Its too much.

Though it is so hard, I have decided to try to break up with her one month from now, once for all. This is where I would like some advice, how to make it better for me and her surviving it.

**One of the biggest problem** here is my feelings of guiltiness and pity. I feel guilty and bad conscience 24/7. I always feel like it, I know that I am not responsible of her happiness, but I feel like I am horrible person not to make so lovely person happy. I would feel so guilty to leave her, she has told me that she can’t live without me and that I make her life complete, and that I am the one for her. I feel so much pity towards her, her parents and her friends do not care about her, they’ve all ditched her, she is one of the greatest persons I know and cares so much, if I could wish one thing from a magic lamp it would be her to be happy and get over her mental issues and be happy without me. How I can shake this feeling of guiltiness, its eating me alive to feel so guilty and depressed all the time about this.

I have had seen so many emotional breakdowns from her, I know how it is going to probably go. Here’s example of her borderline seizure/panic attack whatever. She gets upset about something I say or do. It is like being in a haunted house first she become apathetic and will not answer to anything I say, then she will start shaking in bed and breathing very fast, ask me for to leave and let her go (probably meaning me to leave so she can cut herself) I try to calm her down by holding her and then she will punch me away from her, then she will start crying and shaking together, then her breath comes normal and she goes back to the apathetic mode, and is all blank, wants to kill herself, she will begin talking and blames me for her feelings of depression, until it goes to the part I am starting to leave, because I can’t take it no more, when I step out of the door she will start to realize what she has done and apologizes and is crying and begging me to stay with her, and then rest of the night she will try everything to make it out for me for blaming me. I am myself little manipulative because the part I am leaving in that episode, I am just doing it to get her to apologize to me and treat me better, I could not really leave there since I don’t want her to hurt herself. And I can easily always forgive her blaming on me, because I think it is because of her borderline, and she has no control over it and she is always very sorry and caring after those things. We have had fights and every time I have wanted to leave from her and go home she would physically grab me and not let go, tell me that she will kill herself if I will go. So I feel like it is not physically possible to leave her. But I can’t even get to that part because I am so emotionally unstable and codependent on her too that I will burst in to tears and beg her to stay with me, I will feel like it was the worst mistake of my life for couple of days, then I will again feel like I want to break up. 

**I really need help how to break up with her. In this part is where in need the advice.** I have decided to really now do it, I took one week away from work like 20 days from now, and keep all of this inside me until then, so I can focus on it and recovering. First, I was thinking I maybe should write her letter why I want to break up with her, and go to her place and hand it to her. Then she will have emotional breakdown and become suicidal. I know it. Can I just leave her and drive away then, or do I have to comfort her? If I leave her she will really physically grab me and not let me go, I have been there before, with her. If I just force myself out of there, is it wrong thing to do? And then if shes really suicidal, should I tell it to her friend and sister? Her parents hate her, they are alcoholics. Maybe I should call the cops to check on her? What if she does not let me go, and is all out of control, how I can leave her alone?

I don't really know anymore what is wrong and what is right, this relationship and manipulation is making me go nuts. Am I doing the wrong thing, causing someone to suicide? I am really going insane about this, you probably can see it from my writing. The worst thing is no one has clue about this, and thinks we are perfect couple. I have been therapist about this, and he said that I should stay with her. Never gone again. Tomorrow I will probably see her and she will be perfect and I don't want to break up with her anymore. I am so mindfucked, please give me some advice. I dont want anymore to do things I dont want. I do things that make her feel good I feel bad. Help.",3.7007292830168574,4.477209527525133,4.641188467368759,87.62600907199085,71.72379128769747,7.813309132492952,25.27764813041859,8.007285818006526,1.202681742992394,7929,225,1736,105,144,2580,468,2089,0.183,0.675,0.142,-0.9987,6,2,3,0,2,1,268.0,13,5,1,17,107,119,14,13,40,2,230,24,4,24,16,350,393,159,13,50,51,3,31,17,8,29,12,6,3,6,104,134,3,10,67,8,4,42,56,56,0,19,66,42,399,63,243,280,47,221,0,13,5,6,244,68,0,27,115,1310,503,12,0.05901040373140455,0.09322357195878353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766428356558104,0.0,0.02102139179304453,0.039393596867895474,0.04074465443941571,0.0,0.06292079805884343,0.049101383129410425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01504759911198223,0.022221653190953962,0.07802995191074358,0.0,0.0,0.01618684475289721,0.0,0.018388920556635224,0.044755235508636144,0.05544221680935989,0.03025023864973965,0.08211870374918709,0.17986097199949475,0.0868964729458338,0.03347567150254733,0.0,0.0,0.052189906670833335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017081331228629,0.022497393772599704,0.10027506573568858,0.02020664659865779,0.0,0.01694407922545631,0.020623761864154648,0.02125642753455243,0.04412345702749771,0.07852500943212169,0.19588166799894585,0.043213438389239536,0.08879926672833507,0.0,0.11859300661848993,0.03992954508542365,0.0,0.0,0.02254367836593716,0.0,0.034426934646296946,0.020129376997265615,0.0691597536866518,0.0,0.022811111255057533,0.020127458326889537,0.0,0.0663787616146296,0.0,0.04064901435318126,0.043874799237516936,0.03897581512422036,0.0,0.03314587349436792,0.0,0.1060694917219768,0.0,0.018543252282176,0.0,0.22875365446312396,0.11241878457747093,0.07554565553227828,0.0,0.0,0.08365703211408998,0.0,0.0,0.060788388721663485,0.0,0.0924915011551898,0.018869385448471217,0.212400824793684,0.06599350256034707,0.11012402465627713,0.02168639281296641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465745681541839,0.017620576972935467,0.019420185574380928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955342973523535,0.0,0.01973074878560827,0.0,0.0,0.04539338867838392,0.04211457178444546,0.0,0.0,0.04106102007425293,0.07807829366499967,0.034967438800496034,0.13057253722021733,0.0,0.10810191545133106,0.0,0.0,0.31241748560946725,0.0,0.0804561811900463,0.055574391067278336,0.16336718101771558,0.019714642376057,0.06947635682072524,0.0,0.0,0.02200584916624852,0.0,0.0668913800272441,0.01775306442919199,0.0,0.09190977299934998,0.019942429111513036,0.03952258805703026,0.021426543052047747,0.0,0.0,0.03964573837744925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420308253263228,0.02090624011125591,0.043379436566658505,0.029170311099150525,0.015170820411218415,0.037995077093927236,0.0,0.0184590888091816,0.01927255552057701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379220544361347,0.18660589159170896,0.029920047432244145,0.0,0.023078664759013733,0.04368271328884616,0.08520335562566261,0.0,0.013636794614867064,0.06870081120117846,0.08220441623349235,0.021591900935140882,0.0,0.02217512124369036,0.0,0.04002319681195028,0.08483092788038281,0.018821662280617484,0.0,0.11864350906587567,0.0,0.0,0.03935091518981032,0.0,0.13861311081963984,0.10112087200791127,0.0,0.1900652687412826,0.0,0.016798187453083785,0.037421604796699086,0.031284961034259616,0.0,0.019907226330426436,0.06269820222827066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016271338587768053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016666441195206994,0.015143030593305866,0.05836279818247545,0.0440382104829307,0.0974583574672617,0.06289723879362502,0.04712578464674568,0.016445113276807054,0.13519243619796287,0.0,0.022517598052353288,0.15061154244748848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014789493223553085,0.06324043632658369,0.12034795231684695,0.0,0.022494513158180414,0.02283854231954364,0.1437475971799261,0.16384976389346306,0.0579774220539204,0.07807944839445789,0.0917585092396751,0.0,0.0,0.09397828266775468,0.06556272981992915,0.05341892078532035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016988680725922068,0.0,0.09737952629567116,0.19723323515653293,0.0,0.031556390947100464,0.0,0.0,0.018234411819649517,0.08874618481073432,0.04392200558873631,0.02261968401296257,0.056883923405906124,0.0,0.02864018448465262,0.0,0.020045547600710627,0.09781169467905376,0.06451861287191912,0.0,0.012666921756980185
suicidewatch,blissherxx,2018/04/04,"hopeless. everyone seems to be concerned about being a burden to their loved ones...that seems to be what’s stopping them from killing themselves. 

I don’t care about hurting anyone. I mean, I have family, sure. But for some reason hurting them doesn’t sadden me the least bit. I’ve never been close to my family. I was raised to show no emotion, to be cold and distant. My mother was emotionally and physically abusive growing up, i’m 24 now and never had a good relationship with her. I have siblings and grandparents...people i’m related to by blood who I have fond feelings for and would probably be hurt by this....but they’re feelings don’t matter as much to me as my own. 

I’ve been in a lot of pain for a long time...i’ve been hurt and wronged by people who I thought loved me...and these days instead of trying to fix my life, I conjure up ways to die that won’t be too painful. All I can think about is dying. I hate myself and I don’t know why. I don’t know anything, really. Except that everything hurts. ",2.044162561576353,4.25326616256158,3.4236724137931063,88.59481896551728,79.49261083743842,6.2274876847290646,23.943103448275863,7.365786028017652,1.0661194088669954,793,28,161,11,20,259,122,203,0.256,0.6579999999999999,0.086,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,3,0,6,18,2,0,5,0,24,6,1,1,4,30,39,10,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,10,1,0,1,9,12,0,0,7,3,23,6,29,24,7,12,0,6,0,2,10,4,0,4,6,107,29,0,0.0,0.12994467136962554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668597077508985,0.0,0.09025160386930202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973460329792145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181901907258077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707300665358935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276466933253245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24673491715162166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479733226735727,0.0985670966727126,0.0,0.20678004700328476,0.0,0.11090801375747522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198857995407307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827946534877668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5870365268584461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133701868508084,0.0,0.12054691818898255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746534306792477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705722865591496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324013457609197,0.1979684815402772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946614089048085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062233632421041,0.0,0.1691732879418073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333997890730737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206701545805934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824613468222865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025938633142019,0.1127621969901567,0.0,0.11774784884895433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968451436468812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091691609557109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336558430319204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027408420344508,0.0,0.0870681785660414,0.06395125759495689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446082530969234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705338968966123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896290028996144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779086126218025,0.11991030123543335,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smalllittlefairy,2018/04/04,"i’m going to kill myself tonight i don’t have anywhere else to go so here i am
i am currently running my bath water in which i will end my life
i’m sorry, to everyone
<3",-1.8761538461538445,0.0006371538461564796,1.7706410256410263,93.94519230769232,100.53846153846158,4.651282051282052,19.320512820512818,6.42735559955562,0.26769743589743644,135,5,31,2,6,49,29,39,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.7184,1,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32361844391365074,0.0,0.3431165936852688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701721016994083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44033050976553545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42859468126544337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736282330084787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336564913401191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,earthsneighbor,2018/04/04,"Not sure I can fight anymore I woke up today with only racing thoughts of I want to die, I want to kill myself, I want to fall asleep and never wake up. 

For the last week or so I’ve just been having these intrusive thoughts, painstaking physical symptoms of anxiety, and feelings of sadness and hopelessness and nothingness

I’ve been googling up easiest ways to kill myself and have only been comfortable with suffocating myself, trying to overdose on medication, or inhaling carbon monoxide. I hope I can make it through the rest of my days right now, but I just feel so defeated already. I’m ready to go. 

My fight is over. ",5.970448717948719,7.253447358974358,6.2505021367521385,76.29831730769233,66.86324786324786,9.610683760683765,34.28311965811966,9.827888789773867,3.507650427350427,499,23,87,11,8,160,75,117,0.165,0.701,0.134,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,2,4,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,4,0,2,0,8,4,2,1,2,24,20,10,3,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,6,3,13,3,19,14,1,15,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,3,6,61,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034194214265306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458154817184109,0.0,0.18903306337536202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292713615806038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978222094003921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275543168429685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832757527487598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931789909974736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217615774288802,0.0,0.0,0.1553719014446981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723309094783725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920186703827416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700953088016624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899337028387692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277917674701475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964687265277487,0.19811589480164685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026447553584753,0.0,0.0,0.18067519142750446,0.0,0.0,0.12941110421041496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372786540802748,0.15129667497161348,0.15289516663099775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeawelll,2018/04/04,"It's just frustrating I can't justify not killing myself, but I still can't bring myself to do it. I have no idea why. Maybe it's too much commitment. ",-0.7146875000000001,1.4418794062500029,1.6559999999999988,94.589,98.6875,6.3100000000000005,18.9,7.554174236665415,0.8713299999999999,119,4,27,3,5,40,24,32,0.215,0.6759999999999999,0.109,-0.314,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813529284383285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471747668973429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283754268232349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134525608120493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34052304610044515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847590622595334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rach_lizzy,2018/04/04,"Where do I go from here? As of right now, every morning I wake up and immediately think about killing myself. My last thought before falling asleep is in regards to my own death. In between those two points of my day, I am wracked with anxiety to the point that I cannot breathe normally, my heart feels like it will explode and I cannot think clearly. At least 4 times a day my thoughts start to race and they feel out of control. They often enter paranoid and irrational territory. I have been drinking more lately, a lot more, in fact I spent from 9:00AM to midnight this past Sunday intoxicated. I have been going out and drinking so much that I do very embarrassing and dangerous things, and sometimes only have vague memories of doing those things. Speaking of vague memories, I feel like I am losing the ability to remember things. Each yesterday seems made up. Or I have a thought, and I cannot remember if I have already expressed it. I wish I had a better way of explaining that, but just imagine that literally every 10 minutes, you can't remember if anything you did before ACTUALLY happened. This is all starting to take a toll on my ability to keep myself together for work. I work as an administrator for a preschool, so I need to be on top of my game and at least seemingly cheery for 9+ hours a day. Recently my coworkers have been asking me if I was okay, implying that it seems like I am on some sort of drugs because I talk... Weird? I guess? Like if my guard is down I don't make sense and slur my words, or I am talking very loudly and very quickly. If I am focused I can talk fine, but if I just clocked out or am not around students it's like I cannot will myself to interact regularly. My sleeping is all over the place. I either go 3 days without more than a couple of hours of sleep from staying out, or I come home after school and sleep for 14 hours a few days in a row. Regarding medical background, the last medication I was on was lamictal, which was months ago for mood regulation. I was hospitalized once back in 2013 for a suicide attempt, and have since tried most of the major antidepressants which either caused me to rapidly cycle or didn't work for me. I don't have money to see a doctor right now (or at least I dont have the mental capacity to make money management happen to visit a doctor) and I am terrified of having to go on new meds, or worse being hospitalized again and risk ruining everything I have built over the past 5 years. I live a state away from my family, currently don't have any friends close by, recently split from my SO, and feel super isolated. I WANT to die, but I know I'm not supposed to feel that way. So what do I do with this? Where do I go from here? I am physically in pain from my anxiety and depression, I cannot remember to do things like shower, I am getting paranoid thoughts, the only things that make my life slightly less terrible are drinking and whatever drugs I can get my hands on. I just want this all to stop.",6.102436689930206,6.0335020033898354,6.797647058823532,77.23430707876375,66.25423728813557,10.331006979062812,33.62412761714855,10.056822442137396,3.18832701894317,2362,96,467,50,34,781,276,590,0.129,0.7859999999999999,0.085,-0.9753,2,0,5,0,0,3,62.0,0,2,2,9,19,22,2,2,23,1,60,20,8,6,5,99,103,40,4,11,24,0,6,6,1,2,9,2,2,0,25,28,3,4,21,4,3,9,14,10,0,1,17,9,72,11,80,82,20,81,0,3,1,0,15,35,0,22,39,333,97,8,0.0,0.0,0.06361433244351115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577854539896922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193685936343977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433024816103831,0.0,0.09973767185505596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364437869186845,0.058031366825521326,0.0609422177783142,0.0,0.0612465105551355,0.05012574354108077,0.0,0.03973815461925853,0.0,0.11094080572594722,0.0,0.0,0.057653713248477075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669662938502662,0.0,0.056153908709892925,0.0,0.0,0.07311416999764013,0.0,0.07212956321658487,0.0,0.21020515489382333,0.0,0.05614654770028479,0.0,0.06765511581589245,0.0,0.0,0.13344588058576254,0.0,0.0,0.07640014826111705,0.19157901465279936,0.15119535761651465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098478311831826,0.0,0.058586999385918985,0.0,0.06145368432139061,0.0,0.1648056997021589,0.0931410034508738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036428338002311,0.0,0.06811634440039585,0.0,0.1852399352299928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718122112354421,0.0,0.11529151555485162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724839492988103,0.0,0.0,0.0653891339471732,0.0,0.19259189722479927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057942315427557324,0.07212114467362689,0.0,0.035825759611054525,0.10627425523795248,0.07353518997976237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046044391688032184,0.1910861288858464,0.0,0.05756242263884195,0.0,0.0,0.07292898178312869,0.0,0.05542072244748172,0.0,0.061682702177275714,0.13054099733969776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240945462034122,0.13134061562586422,0.0656944276511322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203264245818471,0.0,0.04792086739048189,0.04833626438785619,0.0,0.0629592219845241,0.0,0.0,0.06387064820158024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694233630590592,0.0,0.09915720941517596,0.06936489843310645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445912940924875,0.0,0.0,0.0681078508797113,0.0,0.12324794158432588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873107302865675,0.0,0.2953823366356413,0.11134082556872993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597399334314302,0.05194659853382947,0.17803481458889694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053924397394965504,0.0,0.19570599671132852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447285012432563,0.0,0.09228116349103302,0.06948200525438386,0.0,0.054500299330653215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130536945947494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901345427453375,0.15718754797788995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654089694112744,0.08354000203017141,0.0,0.20700876849886704,0.03801179517222941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425854543711712,0.0,0.06367945199248441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613614099963722,0.07689944242760065,0.10348680361815488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496327503014953,0.06283915066522343,0.0,0.14237347603133307,0.0,0.06643240007512441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041979098333545836
suicidewatch,AsatruSkitz,2018/04/05,"Is This Normal? So, recently, when I have cut myself, I don't feel any emotion? Yeah pain is there, as expected, but I don't feel... relieved, I guess you could say. Is it normal to feel emotionally numb?",0.7035000000000018,3.1382123500000034,2.870000000000001,88.73500000000001,88.0,6.2,20.5,7.554174236665415,0.9190999999999998,154,5,32,3,5,52,30,40,0.248,0.7120000000000001,0.039,-0.8184,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866865459095762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803147824823292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579999027016986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762337021444743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732326019985892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48603275401833795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639210151057376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448993384034023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724311800013888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Andyyy22,2018/04/05,"18 male struggling with mental health issues. I would like someone to talk to. Hi, I think this is the place to post this. If it isn’t I am sorry ",-0.5382258064516137,1.6248150967741957,1.1357258064516138,100.72358870967743,91.58064516129032,3.1,14.201612903225806,3.1291,-1.4850064516129031,112,2,26,0,4,36,25,31,0.134,0.784,0.08199999999999999,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343432387432287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282999324030008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366924178582336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169841666341128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286292479324711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012441096125673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665102575576768,0.0,0.0,0.3521038079071228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288273974568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528167947801701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154569322661256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344147941831205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nsndmsndnd,2018/04/05,Will my bf care if I commit suicide? I have been dating him for 2 years. I love him very deeply. I'm not using suicide as a way to control him I just have really bad mental issues. I've gotten help before and I'm on antidepressants that I have been on for 3 years. No difference. Im ready to do it I just want to know how it will affect him because I don't want to hurt him. ,-0.8233734939759003,1.1785211807228926,2.1482048192771117,94.44423493975908,90.20481927710844,4.765783132530121,15.528915662650606,6.2581,-0.5292881927710842,290,6,68,3,10,102,53,83,0.16399999999999998,0.614,0.221,0.2921,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,4,1,13,18,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,13,2,9,13,0,6,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,1,3,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802017092188765,0.1315626164577165,0.0,0.18364796771613612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004412408647106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420618571040049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254872464234727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466041876663005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310410866249599,0.0,0.2331239596637637,0.2252612882885473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860970183882845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478708308549647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749703455747388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826060407590654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721467850460397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640024528000693,0.0,0.17807511444043975,0.2545939021791307,0.17130884389699402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27796358770120005
suicidewatch,Mads-William302,2018/04/05,"Finally committing suicide because I fucked up Dear those who care,
I am writing this post, not out of desperation, but because I have no one else to inform about my fatal plan and final decision. And I feel I have to write it down, in order to wrap my mind around it. 

Okay. My name is Mads. I am from Denmark, and currently eighteen years of age. Would’ve turned 19 in July. I have for a long time been struggling with depression and anxiety. I’ve sometimes been suicidal but haven’t had the guts to do it, nor actually having a legitimate reason to do it. I’ve been on antidepressants for about 9 months now, and they haven’t helped much. But this isn’t the reason I’ve decided to end my life.
Today, Thursday April 9th, I fucked up. Bad. I’m too humiliated to admit what I’ve done. But a police report against me have been filed. I do not think it was necessary, I haven’t done anything technically illegal (just know that), but it puts me in a bad light. But the person filed it anyways. Out of revenge. I informed the individual that it would destroy me and I would most likely commit suicide because of it. And the person responded, that he would gladly destroy my life, and didn’t care that I was suicidal. That was my own issue. Which is true. 
I’ve been told by the same person that in eight to ten days the police will be contacting me and or my parents. But I can’t live with that. If my parents find out, they will never forgive me. They might say they will, but deep down I know they won’t. I won’t be able live with that every time time they look at me, this thing will be in the back of their mind. Nor the humiliation. 
So, I’ve decided to hang myself. I will be alone from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon. During that time I will have committed suicide. I’ve decided to do it with my dog’s leash. From the top of the stair railing. I’ve tried tightening the leash around my neck, to see what it feels like. Doesn’t hurt that much. It’s uncomfortable, but I have a high pain tolerance. 
It will definitely be successful. I’ve researched it. As long as no one stops me, it will only take a few minutes until I’m dead.
I will most likely be doing it in the middle of the night, since the neighbors then won’t be able to notice and stop me. Èdith Piaf will be playing, since I enjoy her music, and think it will be perfect to die to. 
These last few days I’m going to make sure are perfect. I want to be happy when I leave. Will be eating my favorite meal, watch some of my favorite movies and tv shows. Might play some video games. Just have a good time. I’m kind of looking forward to it.

So dear strangers, now you know. It was nice to write it down, and get it off my chest. 
My time is over. And I’m at peace with that. I’ve had a nice enough life. We are all going to die. I’ve just decided how and when",1.8181422924901192,3.8659295652173973,3.3450118577075116,89.70120158102768,79.43478260869566,6.407905138339922,22.106719367588934,7.486611883883027,0.7826000000000004,2200,67,471,32,55,724,254,575,0.188,0.657,0.155,-0.987,3,1,0,0,0,6,80.0,1,1,7,5,17,35,5,1,23,1,71,11,3,4,9,91,99,38,9,5,16,2,2,3,1,20,4,1,1,3,42,26,2,2,19,6,0,5,17,12,0,4,15,8,56,23,67,53,12,69,0,2,4,2,32,27,2,8,40,322,98,3,0.1496608973239494,0.0,0.07302372347209535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750177713127539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724508840646572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157908328136425,0.1332299285711313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057539996013122034,0.12496059792564028,0.1368478408596787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258925919770827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651889763682503,0.0,0.06445135578242828,0.0,0.15532438301382356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315505911610552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765702304231885,0.06251123782363191,0.0,0.06627756666062375,0.07731985690762544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304788040850025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567304649380606,0.05345888747594536,0.0,0.16394619765151866,0.06839367440916401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835908797242052,0.03909582091301101,0.0,0.08505573688593272,0.06276423003107467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796584040672109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015727237996148,0.07906247748809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010754297279535,0.0,0.0,0.07810354684218572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792439706176071,0.12337457279796987,0.06099680314644816,0.0,0.07923464046920534,0.0,0.0,0.1585648766676954,0.10967513215283728,0.0,0.13215331425179286,0.13244518457790866,0.1256774606919542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049949905549824855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876656134521971,0.1511148427711361,0.0,0.05972895019786473,0.0,0.11001797973665432,0.0,0.057713855158945074,0.0,0.0,0.0702233069156508,0.0,0.0,0.0851949617745325,0.0,0.0,0.10141409728117423,0.05691192819659184,0.07962487331525582,0.0,0.1661807153051464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960171842800361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716668847716236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522526921389043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387632843627075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950817625028785,0.0,0.0,0.05963017925274555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380104081941055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400922713631079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512321153419556,0.0,0.07822903237379451,0.0,0.4092618268145811,0.0,0.07052681228192742,0.0,0.056263184629564165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971402503569404,0.09589665996301402,0.0,0.0,0.2618054183119495,0.0,0.07093051563685038,0.0715037004849441,0.0,0.0508049626418248,0.08139404003996606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413693741090433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126296149560328,0.0,0.0,0.04818835552568055
suicidewatch,Rezist4real,2018/04/05,"I need HELP ! please save me i'm gonna try to keep it short, lately,the taught of ending my life has taken over my mind, my motives are simple, i'm incompetent in everything I've failed school i'm broke and my social life is a nightmare i have no reason to live i'm numb to feelings i rarely laugh and can't remember the last time i was happy my existence doesn't mean anything to anyone not even me, but i fear death...
i tried jumping off of  a cliff but i got scared and couldn't do it, i was incompetent in even killing myself.
Living is hell,my job is terrible and i get bullied on the regular.
Please give me reasons not to do it, but don't tell me that i have people who love because i really know that in year or so they would forget about me,don't tell me to seek help because where i live mentally ill people are considered psychopaths and made fun of,don't tell me to give it a chance because i did countless times and failed on each... But still help me with logical reasons or something that is true and not just to keep me alive and suffer 

Thanks, Reddit. ",5.101844046364596,5.049423863013704,5.635707762557079,84.66218124341414,68.36073059360731,8.747593958552864,28.26167896030909,8.384062270229773,1.7214486125746404,842,25,179,11,13,272,124,219,0.215,0.621,0.163,-0.9375,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,3,7,16,1,2,5,0,19,5,0,5,1,39,39,15,2,3,10,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,9,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,7,1,28,7,19,29,1,16,0,4,0,1,12,9,0,2,6,104,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124879821043894,0.0,0.09562158862735996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250085655605608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291751479130147,0.0,0.0,0.15349622557157794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443185457269412,0.0,0.0,0.13075578700479254,0.05875352909158716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070899898446901,0.2229366674665685,0.0,0.0,0.0929346757852062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369562420446133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336565182826573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115309230914575,0.20656539921005626,0.12855659055962235,0.0,0.06385973947928718,0.0947174090170136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414908655685256,0.0,0.0,0.30781661185312154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048738188101404,0.10994997270633844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265743952392337,0.0,0.0,0.117100909529569,0.0,0.1173275125331618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615982702730987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111502701911365,0.0,0.0,0.25510244898508805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443983097212271,0.35841469683767996,0.0,0.0,0.13163041948812382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163351202085565,0.1175992378958892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118449890983941,0.0,0.08945539813776547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279639242078806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30468822670318474,0.10698010563575117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551273514879394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778251247319752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254418744113069,0.0,0.0,0.07482812122505357
suicidewatch,eskeebit,2018/04/05,I don't want to do this anymore The past six months I have been rejected more times than I can count. The one person I had to talk to about this stuff has given up on me. I see no reason to live like this anymore.,0.9801063829787218,2.323159723404256,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,79.42553191489361,5.5510638297872354,18.132978723404253,5.985473137389443,-0.5233787234042553,165,3,41,1,4,54,35,47,0.145,0.8,0.054000000000000006,-0.4976,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,6,1,8,7,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5711725599229903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140686325012322,0.0,0.25428048850272955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985282995068285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513416174025672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748974658638941,0.0,0.25144202477177474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960784463508115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294727331772197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296537754525705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314572867391984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791610571890697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985063249303858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Solitude432,2018/04/05,I can't fucking believe I pussied out After about 40 days of pure pain I decided I was going to kill myself. This was about two weeks ago. I can't believe I pussied out. I want to die so bad. Why couldn't I fucking do it? I don't have anything or anyone to live for. I just drift threw life. Nothing interests me. I get maybe half an hour of sleep a night from the pain. I just honestly can't fucking believe myself. I think I actually will this weekend. I just can't believe I didn't earlier.,0.006057692307692264,2.267542105769234,2.2800000000000007,92.965,89.48076923076924,5.123076923076923,24.34615384615385,6.67199483983844,0.8718307692307694,385,17,84,5,13,130,62,104,0.219,0.737,0.044,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,4,0,3,0,12,7,1,0,1,11,20,2,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,7,7,0,2,4,0,19,2,12,14,0,12,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,7,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.13987121406902722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705504081561106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002209652590388,0.0,0.11794990354214825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967611148539906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6459436690060857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243718856808042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875583573171292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975239694449635,0.07488497814299695,0.0,0.08145879596455602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115300462418431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857546056159422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012395276205058,0.0,0.0,0.12656465343558815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399611289990305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450723582983784,0.0,0.13753078002076086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050303975516451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343536699537568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918412648412611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001439485902614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454084135152241,0.0,0.11497216799100465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933470479212728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacebetweenchairs,2018/04/05,"I've become bored with my own pain I've been severely depressed since I was about 11. I remember being a really happy younger child with lots of friends, and then I started being the target of a lot of bullying from peers as well as from one particular family member who had a lot of control over my immediate family (she owned ""our"" house and frequently invoked her ownership when I or my parents were not ""acting right""). At the same time, my dad kind of lost interest in being involved in my life at all. I'm guessing that combination of things is what started the depression, but it morphed into something else entirely after a while. I  no longer really know how to interact with people and I feel sort of like a nonperson, like I have no real personality or self. I feel like I've tried on different things, but none of them fit. I used to talk to my few loved ones about how I feel, but I've found that people get very tired of hearing it and that it in fact really hurts other people to hear it, so I try not to overshare. I'm tired of hearing it, too. I'm like everyone else who has had over two decades of this feeling under his or her belt. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of struggling, of rallying and getting knocked back down. I'm in therapy and I've tried many many medications. I have small stretches of improvement. But the depression is still unrelenting, and as I'm beginning to no longer be a young person, I'm thinking more and more that maybe it makes sense to commit suicide. Maybe this isn't going to improve if it hasn't in over 20 years. I can't imagine being able to tolerate it much longer.",5.752038247793398,5.8084230465838536,6.7039457338999675,77.1837316116378,66.98136645962732,10.381431840470745,32.164759725400465,10.186864033877496,3.1158670807453417,1279,49,252,29,19,428,172,322,0.187,0.718,0.094,-0.9883,2,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,1,0,1,2,10,18,0,1,10,0,18,8,0,5,4,47,47,25,1,1,10,2,4,4,1,0,7,3,0,4,21,12,0,1,9,0,0,2,9,8,1,3,7,7,25,10,49,35,13,33,0,5,0,1,22,18,0,9,17,170,46,0,0.0883734326477111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795371473964132,0.0,0.0,0.0976015132114168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991183192599113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834772413384255,0.0,0.0,0.09233142779053016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147649326291932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844446020551437,0.0,0.0,0.16662121453234036,0.0,0.17873705148491897,0.06313399794137159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689690747757423,0.06827709484384355,0.0,0.09234294215901546,0.0,0.05022465834024878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973532993703475,0.0,0.0,0.09407516235079123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988098441382569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197107603126672,0.0946055874321833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202733083238043,0.04856772741825493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624207689919763,0.17269918110866153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647004115589336,0.2253957965196785,0.07976047329373179,0.0,0.058989952523298014,0.17919357989209636,0.17756598258261375,0.0,0.0,0.08902693603591401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496464137355268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119768250169005,0.0,0.09403556312744682,0.0,0.09812823866463412,0.0,0.0,0.18380103283510374,0.15432854533155946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058831375971423,0.16984285165558818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010987181874277,0.07547042861691289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219276378106517,0.09983682439439684,0.0,0.07310341671204137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803418598748971,0.0,0.0,0.125102340967223,0.0,0.07057513746907881,0.0,0.0,0.0923870997327614,0.0,0.09666619172806427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103121763609797,0.0,0.0,0.10106272205368247,0.0,0.11742276363955699,0.05662612727784112,0.0,0.0,0.05153125925720003,0.4062890422857058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999927934996965,0.0,0.08632800253481628,0.0,0.0,0.07632627148626392,0.0,0.07291733714894612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945832917289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056909593188323226
suicidewatch,Suicidalbtw,2018/04/05,"3 months and back into the depression Alt account for reasons ill state  below. I know its hard to read large ammounts of text from people so ill try and cut to the chase on the parts that matter.

* Diagnosed with moderate-severe depression in mid december, plan to kill myself end december
* Met an amazing girl, on this subreddit actually as i was sending pms to help people, we kicked it off from the start.
* On the date i want to commit suicide (when i already had to promise to her i wouldnt do anything) she asked if we were dating and we talked and yeah, we were official
* visited her in her country, now shes over at mine and is doing better with my friends than i am. Im now off my anxiety meddication because its a  benzo and they all think im going to get addicted. Anddd ive basically become a narcissist to my girlfriend
* Weve had a  rough last couple of weeks, since i started getting off my anxiety meds, and today, as we are drunk and had a fall out shes said maybe we shouldnt be together
* I have full intentions of killing myself if we break up, however do not want that in any way to be an inpact on the relationship and theres no way i can go back onto the anxiety medication as my mum simply doesnt understand depression, dispite claiming to go through it some years ago.

I dont know, help. The date ive set if we break up is a month away and i feel i cant wait that long and cutting alot hurts too much, its one of the reasons she convinced me to stop",3.0090663322185094,4.557099130434782,4.699519230769232,83.55902243589746,74.4180602006689,8.194035674470458,27.84294871794872,8.841846274778883,2.1755918617614265,1156,46,236,24,24,391,177,299,0.159,0.7509999999999999,0.09,-0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,9,0,1,2,8,13,4,0,17,1,27,7,0,3,2,46,45,19,3,7,4,1,3,0,2,2,6,1,0,1,9,23,1,2,7,2,1,6,7,8,0,1,9,4,40,5,45,32,6,53,0,4,0,0,30,21,0,5,20,163,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.10878602952777952,0.12152700828691565,0.0,0.0,0.0988181414869192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230182728679271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580857175075831,0.0,0.25584011256639794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173654332622416,0.0,0.1042164815390797,0.0,0.10473684859682987,0.17143874367632814,0.0,0.06795569324929826,0.12311822002655505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859285338574222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334781318145588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880464084770456,0.11314738908797416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306508842490948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873604057628184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056366409975506036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612729566548359,0.0,0.1164848607009428,0.0,0.1900658196630292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986200816693698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494421334525467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933904655747248,0.0,0.2408298150115321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24666683348471494,0.0,0.12253031646175355,0.09086909996756516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986541433059792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199420476956523,0.0,0.12382645177348466,0.11230192584634616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796066897002727,0.0,0.08194884226077458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554008791114826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071934716452826,0.0,0.15456902430520478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150773950526968,0.0,0.0,0.2292350213460585,0.0,0.11968519310908204,0.0,0.0,0.1060406991657463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593792563355544,0.0,0.09221539961117373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780879859594227,0.0,0.0,0.09320024190337982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193837032552099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960144975141908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143032692888054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566770361195912,0.0,0.0,0.0756859538698171,0.0,0.0,0.11605208401453528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150472060722002,0.17697141574403896,0.08942058410796237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178790149087699
suicidewatch,justwhyox,2018/04/05,Im a toxic person. I'm toxic. I do nothing but bring shit into peoples lives. I deserve death.,-1.7385000000000022,-0.2568038499999989,2.2900000000000027,87.55000000000004,112.5,2.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.21899999999999986,73,3,13,0,4,27,16,20,0.241,0.585,0.175,-0.3536,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753395870773311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885804474765303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222487921516044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050817282929182,0.3842428299376664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517145747326543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hanson93,2018/04/05,"Girlfriend Ignoring Me, and I Just Want To Leave I'm in a long distance relationship. Two weeks away from seeing my girlfriend she starts ignoring me. I feel like its over and I'm about to just jump in this traffic and end all this shit.",1.426879432624112,4.066603638297874,2.2777659574468103,92.6841666666667,87.08510638297872,5.686524822695036,22.72695035460993,7.1686216300943375,0.8881375886524823,189,7,39,3,6,59,34,47,0.214,0.711,0.075,-0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,1,8,6,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,5,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991452840353981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28200601124078906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099153209283038,0.2274635051050869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33713737598779114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555311854412293,0.0,0.0,0.2817720994655673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418401600497602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25372188280157004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268308425924985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253636542998724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31102845828843656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779931573782904,0.0,0.2553995693966035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nooperso,2018/04/05,I’m too much of a pussy to do it If I had the balls id do it right now.,-6.267142857142857,-5.467927238095237,-1.0599999999999987,115.13000000000002,107.09523809523807,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.9746,52,0,21,0,3,21,17,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6523859820154789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7578868850096954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theserottendays,2018/04/05,"I seriously want to end it but I'm so scared of death I'm going crazy, I don't know what all this is. I don't have a answer to what life is and it's killing me. How is everyone okay with even not remembering their first years of their own life? Seriously, this is driving me crazy.. Thinking about not being and in comparison with that thought the fact that I am is so fucking crazy, so odd fuuuuxk this is a fucking dream isn't it?? ",0.666043956043957,2.8519068681318664,2.871087912087912,90.68641208791209,84.71428571428571,6.277362637362637,22.286813186813184,7.554174236665415,0.8298167032967037,339,12,78,6,10,115,55,91,0.298,0.6409999999999999,0.061,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,6,7,3,1,3,1,12,4,0,1,2,16,21,7,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,6,0,1,1,0,8,1,8,19,2,6,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,3,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23496146620949296,0.0,0.0,0.1752165231110364,0.0,0.0,0.25348870140895396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256490737258807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904986077698314,0.0,0.0,0.15076610122532466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934956704894637,0.0,0.14579226918018948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747536085821501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005132452276646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655939610598751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998225013961987,0.0,0.21060459308679816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647043261508156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170833167827584
suicidewatch,UsualRaisin4,2018/04/05,"Roller coaster of feelings, still a month of waiting... Hello, I'm gonna keep it short I've had a very bad phase around 5 years ago when I was 16 where I barely could leave home for 2 years but I'm somewhat very fine now cause I'm fully focusing on work.

Still I had some sort of audition a few weeks ago, and I feel like I wasn't very good and I have to wait a month before the first results. I'm fully focusing on work (around 80 hours a week) and suicide is an ever-present thought if I can't even succeed in my work when everything else in my life is a mess.

I know I probably won't ever commit suicide, but I just have to get this out cause it's driving me insane.",4.5885,3.73425794482759,5.557370689655173,87.5015732758621,69.55172413793103,8.629310344827585,29.15948275862069,7.6454224807358475,1.5026034482758623,522,16,122,5,8,173,92,145,0.217,0.737,0.046,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,5,11,6,0,0,8,0,11,1,0,3,2,26,24,8,2,2,4,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,3,4,1,1,1,3,2,0,1,5,2,13,4,13,16,3,26,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,17,67,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404169957716004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508024790135044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149342893371216,0.0,0.0,0.11713234435542028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828145672874298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990451312818024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499120225270185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091833748211203,0.2490295707873829,0.0,0.0,0.12371340809934735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920272414055027,0.098339145983555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708735154238074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191787599099347,0.0,0.0,0.11545658862333312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807692317510614,0.0,0.13556022227760442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235208134645227,0.0,0.0,0.07565034676100409,0.0,0.0,0.14575437768999114,0.0,0.0,0.0972282021488336,0.06725017635528227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974620985501286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841293707459627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198593142422631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30113951436587605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928090073682284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407337835288621,0.0,0.0,0.2208334521832532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300638505596862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728770471999236
suicidewatch,strawberries2292,2018/04/05,Why not to do it Killing yourself doesn’t stop or end the pain it just will transfer it to other people. Do you want to put it on other people. I decided I can’t do bring this upon everyone else so I’m just gonna live with the pain. I walk through life every day emotionless like a zombie I have to sacrifice myself. I have to deal with the pain so others won’t. ,1.3510439560439522,3.0279982435897463,3.4300732600732613,90.31730769230772,79.38461538461539,6.508424908424907,21.399267399267398,7.447530270364453,0.6694959706959707,285,8,63,4,7,97,52,78,0.205,0.747,0.047,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,9,4,0,0,0,9,13,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,10,0,8,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,44,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653893464568814,0.21826930726273816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686107124716044,0.0,0.18751702649570026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837937716688068,0.20230316189839564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423175002864585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954086617590906,0.1034334627236774,0.0,0.18694859949324835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758404192309141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29355363712058924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128324787866392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770035756791319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487524329761987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910402412555585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newMrVii,2018/04/05,"My issues are miniscule... I think about killing myself at times.  About ending it all and I feel so much shame.  My life doesn't suck.  I haven't been abused and my family doesn't suck.  I just feel as if I suck.  I feel so much shame and inadequacy when it comes to myself.  I try to be better but I can't.  I've seen a lot of counselors but nothing comes from it.  I don't get better. I'm too hard on myself and so many other things and I don't want to even think about it.

But I think about it so much about everything.  About how I struggled through college. About how I lost the girl I love and miss her.  About how much I hate myself and hit myself. All I've done really is hit.  Punch myself.  Hit in my face. Mouth. Eyes.  I never used to understand that pain but I get it now.

Told my parents I hit once and they were scared.  Said i'd be sent somewehre.  Then we never talked aobut it again.  Idk....I just don't like me very much.  

Working a stupid job that doesnt put my degree to use.  DOn't know where I""m going.  I keep trying to be a better person but I'm too stupid for that.  I feel as if im better off alone and forgotten.  Abandoned.  I feel shame for even feeling and thinking this.  Like some stupid cycle.  I'm just tired. Idk....idk what to do for myself.  Tired of feeling bad.  I won't kill myself but I thik about it  at times.  idk.  Soryr if this post isn't for a place like this.",-1.205626947618338,0.8259099249146757,0.6272362368303916,101.91050563881883,99.92150170648465,3.3669387149428704,12.512909927288915,5.192301501255418,-1.4405547707374984,1060,18,253,6,46,341,139,293,0.246,0.636,0.118,-0.9919,2,1,0,0,1,2,49.0,1,0,1,6,27,27,9,5,5,0,20,8,3,5,4,52,60,30,2,4,12,1,8,3,0,1,4,1,0,2,17,13,0,2,13,0,0,5,13,19,0,0,8,11,41,8,31,44,9,22,0,3,2,1,11,7,3,5,12,163,58,3,0.0,0.11537148161520724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084941076176206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130266902068717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444752140948823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775701542186275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964673094450306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624387455174884,0.0,0.0,0.12862834133924292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751287653260688,0.0,0.09179491601995614,0.0,0.3446441941302053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017470991831862,0.0,0.055339511327103866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872273837857734,0.09613601092003636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517991319557128,0.10163246533168227,0.09662801191635233,0.08654989586723735,0.21545834042937256,0.0,0.05351383942497314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877766752093142,0.14271508166963767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629449978745824,0.0827833289250177,0.08788323825702249,0.0,0.0,0.09872128026240982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579030326894157,0.0,0.15020064057913068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343234292458656,0.0,0.0,0.10369942587170597,0.0,0.0,0.10361209578745254,0.0,0.10812156726486898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502264191240085,0.10173441219742513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325674026941376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788709827602536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237985300200576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262434165733843,0.0,0.09748769714829304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017957537411911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826499976010295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469051829550901,0.24957161007830103,0.0,0.0,0.11355835159871874,0.22383265312956854,0.0,0.09304439624626534,0.0,0.13222020799659176,0.0,0.0,0.10136907776331153,0.0,0.16819859826044106,0.0,0.08034320069953846,0.0574333169570924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708889489707204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itistimetogiveup,2018/04/05,"Finding it hard to not just give up entirely.. No job. Job hunting for over 6 months. Despite several interviews, it appears I am unemployable. No employer seems willing to take a chance on me. The well of money has dried completely. I have a family who are dependant on me. I am unable to provide.

I can see no way out of my current situation other than just ending it all. Every day is a struggle. Applying for jobs is a struggle. Existing is a struggle. I don't want to struggle any more....

I'm fucking done.",0.9932900432900418,3.593932636363636,3.854725829725833,80.02113636363636,91.32323232323229,7.273015873015874,29.29365079365079,8.192908349453996,2.994413564213564,397,22,71,11,14,140,71,99,0.189,0.769,0.042,-0.884,7,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,4,6,0,12,1,0,1,1,10,20,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,1,2,8,1,14,18,2,11,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,3,4,54,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472968756171316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147286426810833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993214390134648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760209902977768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364040298059196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975710171252364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518360319381174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075913273060056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237650920671474,0.0,0.14773704891537265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379595561962812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584830036694218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292650309242885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272322533766485,0.14020171538606604,0.0,0.1739834862888126,0.0,0.0,0.17310973622862635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440040454860532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579370667732355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083701212156636,0.12224317547600973,0.0,0.0,0.13847032102675072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,volfmont,2018/04/05,"How can I help my parents get over my suicide? **This is going to be a long blabber... sorry... you can skip to paragraph 5 for my point**

My whole life I've lived as an underdog, trying to achieve things that were deemed too big for me. The mindset of ""*my struggles are meant to lead me to a greater destination*"" was the only thing that pushed me live through my struggles. But now it seems like it was bullshit... I'm not an underdog competing for survival... I'm something else... an extra character in other people's lives... leaving a minor influence before fading into shit....  

Recently, I got to realize that I just had enough... for 10 years of the 18 years of my life, I studied outside of my home country as something between the lines of an immigrant and expat. It's been 4 years that my family has managed to settle a bit... but prior to it, we lived shelterless, sometimes hungry, sometimes angry and fearful, but always in oblivion. For all these 10 years, I've been mislabeled by my Iranian nationality as a ""terrorist"" citizen of a ""terroristic"" country by public and private institutions... I've lived through institutional discrimination for as long I can remember. I couldn't register in certain institutes and were always discriminated against when I was in the position of being compared to a person of another nationality. Although I tried to never make my nationality a scapegoat of a justification for underachievements, it's now clear to me, that it is perhaps the right justification... My friends and teacher really adore me... I've not once faced any xenophobic discrimination from them... so this bitching doesn't really apply to them.   

Back in 2016, a University in Spain encouraged me to join them to develop my full potentials. Despite the costs being unaffordable for us, the person luring me to joining the university told me that my profile could 100% grant me a 50% scholarship **at minimum**! After that... I invested 2 years of my life strengthening my application to apply for scholarships and finally get my shit together because my life was *going to bloom*! But nope... fuckers granted jack shit of scholarship to me... I'm 18 years old and I've worked with Amnesty International, 24 Hour Race, Walk Free Organisation; have had my own business and have done charities for 6 years... but when I apply for a personal excellence scholarship, I get nothing... what the fuck did they expect me to do?? Be the fucking mannequin in Elon Musk's Tesla 3??... I see no other justification for the jackshit grant besides the institute discriminating against me, because of my nationality... oh boo hoo fuck you! From their tone in an email to every communication I'm reflecting back on, I realize I've been tricked, ridiculed and humiliated... this is condescending, hypocritical and fucking disgusting coming from a university that runs with the motto ""diversity is our strength""... yeah right, shut the fuck up.

End of the line, I'm not going uni now. fluent in 8 languages, experienced with programming c#, Python, Xamarine, had the history of running my own company, top student in my high school, and can't get a job... aaaaand still not going to uni :) is this what fucking underdogs go through? just try to achieve things despite the disadvantage and still get shat on over and over again?  

Coming from a Nihilist background, I don't see any point for me to go on. There is not ""greater destination bullshit"". The stigma of being discriminated against by the institutes that are supposed to support you against ""discrimination"" is the fucking edge for me. There is no justice, there is no support. And I can't achieve anything of actual value. No matter where I go, what I achieve, what struggles live through, I'm always going to be shat on. I choose not to live like that. Sunday after church (one last call for forgiveness even though I lived as an atheist for most of my life) I will be taking my life by sitting in a hot bathtub to thicken my wains, and then taking aspirin to make my red blood cells thinner, and then cutting my wrist vertically. I've been in this position before... This time there won't be bailing.

My mother and father invested a lot on me and they really, really love me. They lived through these struggles for me to get an education that would lead me to a better life path, which turned out to be a fucking joke. They are always proud of me and what I have done... so my suicide will be the heaviest toll on them. Is it selfish and narcissistic? Yeah, form the surface. It's not them dealing with my shattered sense of being 'just another human being', anxiety and weekly panic attacks. I'm not just doing it because I can't afford my university, I'm doing it because I'm in fucking pain. And It's not bearable for me now... I'm sick of looking for the bullshit ""collectivist good of everyone"". Where did 6 years of charity taken me? no fucking where. Life is pointless and there is no reward for the virtuous act. Pro tip: If you do charity, do it for the virtue signaling. It works better than genuine charity. Fucking lies over lies. Here's a tad derail-bitching: meanwhile I don't get a jackshit scholarship for 6 years of charity, some Megan fucker goes to Ethiopia, takes a picture with a black kid for virtue signaling, the goes to the uni with 70% scholarship despite being from a rich family. This wasn't a fucking joke btw... back to the topic, I don't deserve to suffer more from anxiety, panic attacks, and discrimination, but nor do my parents deserve to suffer because of my decision. Yet it's something that has to be done now. I'm done. I don't want to leave with the guilt of hurting my parenst. I need help to push my parents to get over my loss, before Sunday. Any ideas of what I should do/say before ending my misery is highly appreciated.  

Edit: This is regarding the DMs: no. I can't go back to my country. Apostates like me get executed within weeks.. so no thanks..
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suicidewatch,N0_th1s_1s_p4tr1ck,2018/04/05,"I feel utterly alone I have nobody. I was living in a different state, had a good job with friends that I loved seeing everyday, for the first time in a long, long time things were looking up. I was managing my mental illness and I always had someone to talk to or hang out with. Then my house caught fire in January and I had to move across the country back in with my mom. Lost most of my clothes and possessions and now I have no friends and nobody to talk to.  At first everyone was sympathetic and hit me up to say they were sorry about what happened but then a little time went by and everyone forgot about me. I understand, life happens and people move on. I just hate being left in the dust to stagnate. I don’t have a doctor here so I slowly ran out of my medications. First I ran out of my anxiety meds, I can barely leave my bedroom without wanting to die. Then I ran out of the meds that stop me from hearing voices, sometimes I hear them whispering to me in a language I don’t know, other times they just just keep saying “do it” over and over. For a long time I wondered what it was they wanted me to do but I think I’m finally realizing what I need to do. Then I ran out of the anti depressants and everything seems so hopeless. I can’t afford to go see a doctor and I’m not even sure I want to. Why should I live the rest of my life pumped full of pharmaceuticals that make me feel terrible? It would be easier for everyone if I just died. I don’t have the energy to fight just to continue to exist and not really live. I’m only 21 but I feel like I’ve been suffering through two lifetimes. I don’t even know why I’m posting here, I’ll probably be gone within a couple of days anyway. I think I really just want to be heard before I end it, I left my life and my friends behind and it’s like I stopped existing when everybody forgot about me. I’m still here though, suffering in silence just like always but hopefully not for much longer. Sorry for the cry for attention, have a good day.",2.6175483039931287,4.226637364963501,4.312246314584228,85.6763900815801,75.59367396593673,7.9496493487906115,24.740303420638327,8.671277953709913,1.668148074996422,1571,52,330,32,34,529,193,411,0.153,0.745,0.103,-0.9601,3,1,0,0,2,1,33.0,0,0,4,4,23,19,2,0,18,0,30,8,0,1,1,67,75,28,2,9,17,1,4,3,3,2,7,7,1,0,13,22,0,5,12,0,0,11,10,8,0,4,21,14,54,11,62,47,4,64,0,5,3,1,17,24,0,6,30,233,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186141288319786,0.0,0.0,0.13153491839342882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046524339228061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077674016363846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725706240770916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745605375685551,0.08682152716116884,0.10194828587086388,0.0,0.06807687825855173,0.0,0.16406170180053176,0.0825797856270722,0.0,0.16180120308084606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000581728737587,0.0,0.0,0.10441010690411588,0.0,0.0,0.2265777959449818,0.07103589068413589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989471853011968,0.05646606080441451,0.0,0.08658425569937944,0.0,0.2016936829833426,0.0,0.0,0.183197898820606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492014927290093,0.13258969636701176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978929765314396,0.0,0.0,0.07803545527360313,0.0,0.0,0.17816723559665304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850437218790952,0.0,0.0912013363199345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843482197683067,0.07025422069468425,0.0,0.0,0.08687643231712101,0.0,0.0,0.08369175337895401,0.17175398410533627,0.0,0.1674844799452917,0.1158445858728524,0.07921866078362222,0.2093808185235155,0.20984325147974406,0.06637353929568293,0.0,0.08628129672338476,0.0,0.07133652044299628,0.0,0.052759691365075405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559083608383969,0.07962429985984554,0.07965354481534181,0.0,0.0,0.09257047797677327,0.0,0.16801363291742122,0.05810335967227224,0.058607022532724026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060113342229413814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479625682092349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569829572301448,0.0,0.08521829069389429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126986094650654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571126924482068,0.0,0.0,0.12596900109373718,0.0719548805461147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697018014979353,0.0,0.07817239970523251,0.1769572072989734,0.0,0.0,0.06312129967295305,0.13216165176861575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449409179053289,0.0,0.0,0.12705842128914838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251054208265758,0.10129104603698184,0.07765621854709012,0.0,0.23044376353666174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721041592806004,0.08228323661676541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647892683409714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327070189637362,0.14264228133096488,0.0,0.0,0.07619156270378324,0.08571530953915063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614761798180441,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2Hard2FindUsername,2018/04/05,"Possible suicide of my brother Happened like 25 mins ago, Idk how to x-post so just check my recent posts on r/depression. Not sure if I should do something, feels like I should but my whole body tells me to let him die for what he's done. I'm unsure",2.613113207547169,3.7105483773584913,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,74.66037735849056,6.809433962264151,24.57075471698113,7.1686216300943375,0.7624754716981137,196,6,45,2,4,63,46,53,0.234,0.7040000000000001,0.062,-0.8683,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,9,8,4,2,3,4,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316647313949784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545826415034038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974042823520993,0.0,0.2378669772605925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23454482971210724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158872707576115,0.16373609506609868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267531862226976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343661867810072,0.0,0.2239450253261664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583815702121929,0.43900860687898896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263012253512853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644458307450955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25070081532239163,0.0,0.2160124421911823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032548155287125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558866904530569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreenEggzN_Sam,2018/04/05,"Watching myself throw my life down the drain. I am currently laying on my bed before I go to work tonight at my dead end, stress inducing restaurant job. It’s what I do every day, I lay here, smoke weed,or play video games until I force myself to  get up and get ready for work.

I am completely lethargic, I can’t bring myself to get out of bed some days. I worry my mother, who I live with again, because she will come home from work at 4 in the afternoon and I will be laying in my bed, sulking or doing absolutely nothing. 

I started taking antidepressants for my anxiety and depression about 4 1/2 months ago, and for the first 3 months, they worked like a charm. Still, I’m almost completely relieved of my anxiety, but my depression has worsened.

I wouldn’t kill myself, but I have been putting myself into positions to make myself think there is no other way out.  For example, My car broke down a month ago in front of some random lady’s house, it’s still sitting there. Even though it’s most likely a belt or pump problem, I just can’t bring myself to fix it. I don’t want to have transportation, I want my life to go down the drain until I have no other choice but to end it myself. 

I want to get better, I really do. I want to be able to enjoy my life and see a reason to keep going, but I just can’t. ",6.8677700950734675,5.265012786516857,7.402022471910115,78.57497839239413,65.32958801498128,10.462575626620573,30.650821089023342,9.265573868473778,2.361277960242005,1022,27,212,15,13,339,142,267,0.162,0.753,0.085,-0.9737,2,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,6,11,13,1,1,8,0,20,3,0,3,0,34,41,14,2,6,8,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,4,0,9,10,0,1,3,3,0,11,7,6,0,1,1,2,42,7,37,35,3,45,0,3,2,0,5,13,0,7,21,143,51,5,0.11461763371781378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320323331710813,0.0,0.11477300368550257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536435214373627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986984567196547,0.0,0.09753116430624108,0.0,0.0,0.10136998272019923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987329425090214,0.24034881652278065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783778333546654,0.0,0.19743999994057815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303440631582315,0.0,0.0,0.07570386608596731,0.0,0.09657029982526512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749370068792708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395319317967317,0.0,0.19541952781871735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497083196959275,0.0,0.0,0.1322533604522805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113740315673915,0.10187741921054796,0.12680742969351874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428734730230685,0.11199277254843418,0.0,0.10120947046522367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650816052715267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27446010515264524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997871080691816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967359601839782,0.0,0.1152223794892598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734269911118791,0.11784601700185147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133541447803482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112695107919178,0.0,0.18306758068935872,0.0,0.13129411217119458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617819621528029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344235162916918,0.11261124318223975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704178000290293,0.09097814263349396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33377200974399035,0.1163997707127799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadsosadsoad,2018/04/05,very sad sorry this post was pointless,3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,86.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.1874571428571428,32,1,5,0,1,9,7,7,0.499,0.501,0.0,-0.6087,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5671941310163199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629547499211457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886530643489643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jckkenxnnckrsc,2018/04/05,"18 years old. going to go soon just can't go on anymore. every day hurts. waking up hurts. going to class hurts. falling asleep hurts. nothing gets better. antidepressants don't work. therapy doesn't work.

i can't make it stop. i want it to leave, but this pain just don't go away. it's been getting worse and worse and if it doesn't get better before my 19th birthday, i am certainly going to do it

i can't place my burdens on anyone else anymore. i have to go... my state of mind only pushes people away and hurts them.",0.14352201257861452,2.5332554905660416,1.860339622641512,94.31138993710695,93.15094339622641,3.95874213836478,16.500628930817612,5.6839178017228535,-0.5135476729559745,406,10,84,3,15,132,63,106,0.275,0.654,0.071,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,4,10,0,0,0,0,11,3,2,1,1,12,23,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,9,7,7,0,0,1,0,9,3,11,22,0,21,0,5,0,0,1,6,0,1,5,45,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379769503303426,0.07889463264267801,0.1156095343581274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120184198609528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601156912825952,0.0,0.0,0.19958115280795605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276719013582772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425650809759498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506567550344397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684990837325468,0.0,0.4488744681883044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039439895748835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194726067026034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753161166031383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392797437087153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826517524306424,0.0,0.11839801567765032,0.0,0.0,0.08581368418981877,0.1200610126707828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822337775978927,0.0,0.11788523780993587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433245454556877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290330205880314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655113133755955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428581886909038,0.0,0.229970529975238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265999332201674
suicidewatch,SkyrimTrash,2018/04/05,"Make it stop We went to the mental health clinic. They didn't see me. I haven't been able to go back. They only do it two days a week, and I am unable to go those days.

My hallucinations are getting worse. I keep hearing them, they keep touching me. I can't go a day without seeing or hearing them anymore. I can't keep doing this. My fiance just left for a trip. I don't want to be here when he gets back Sunday. I feel like leaving, finding a secluded corner and just disappearing. I don't want to exist anymore. I can't keep doing this. I keep trying to distract myself and it's hard",0.4243205574912885,2.630010113821143,2.706347270615563,91.30774390243904,86.07317073170731,4.489895470383276,19.3548199767712,5.773587663045528,-0.14204483159117265,456,13,97,3,14,155,73,123,0.105,0.872,0.023,-0.7044,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,5,0,6,2,0,1,5,0,14,2,0,1,0,19,33,5,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,4,0,6,2,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,3,7,21,1,8,29,0,17,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,1,10,65,27,0,0.13187205310350292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615632832019036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280293772108826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551396942470049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667847236098409,0.0942094210864246,0.0,0.0,0.12052866747292534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779540985661584,0.0,0.22483778031413115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181314572697637,0.0,0.0,0.14017382583381208,0.29725877603307244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5860696997661532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963346341529567,0.14327937154937576,0.0,0.0,0.06442602403167698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880256194498625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289601289042388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029463876751332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016990558244086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102509412341858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953246774836858,0.0,0.12881983412336628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555631072150561,0.0,0.10577980660000856,0.0,0.0,0.1222467143965122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711995332658774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343888882571515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redwingblackbird22,2018/04/05,"I'm so lonely I could die So much. Trauma, ptsd, 5 active attempts, four hospitalization, lonely, 43, the only reason I'm alive is by of my kids.  But I'm not sure they wouldn't be better without me. I'm a failure. So tired of fighting. Tonight would be a good night to die. ",-0.005939849624063243,2.2282793333333366,2.4909774436090224,91.70684210526319,89.0,3.9588972431077702,18.669172932330827,5.288315135182226,-0.39035639097744346,210,6,45,1,7,72,42,57,0.373,0.478,0.149,-0.947,0,4,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,3,7,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,1,8,10,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,4,3,5,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232277114278146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969069024701728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451421663038974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202836905683448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930651152198053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464628213177216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974386006645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070033521515475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700299637410216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752803445197996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018574377652434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25316836952550137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865666012450525,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TerribleSilence1,2018/04/05,"Better dead then disabled I hate being disabled. I should just do myself a favor and just finish the job. My only goal in life now is to get back to work so I can become more independent and I can put as much time and distance away in between myself from my friends and family so when I finally do kill myself blow blow will be a lot lighter. Or I can just drive my wheelchair into the river and drown myself.

We live in a cruel Society. I wish euthanasia would be legal. Would have checked out many years ago.

I hate it when the anniversary of my injury rolls back around. I have to do math to recount my age these days. I don't remember how old I am. I just don't know how long it's been since I was able to walk.",1.971171915332988,3.6770622348993314,3.5310067114093973,90.16127000516263,77.65771812080538,6.4638100154878675,21.52865255549819,7.321109707123232,0.6006309757356734,559,15,121,7,13,185,95,149,0.16899999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9501,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,3,14,7,4,0,6,0,21,1,0,3,0,24,26,14,3,4,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,23,3,16,17,3,25,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,15,92,26,5,0.17889015207866346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585753262035977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592501622646973,0.0,0.0,0.1680731865816122,0.2751109694367949,0.0,0.0,0.19757011828543303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582138021595672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536934887770145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864171456394128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596541752062266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382100877397665,0.0,0.09346272104235928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35323397887020497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752087273478168,0.0,0.1979154484939639,0.0,0.09831334920078748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635540482347635,0.0,0.0,0.15796328170497673,0.15831215524482387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208601012490333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813665362881403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150484514252564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877151220439526,0.0,0.0,0.13605402175480716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983401263060306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264766975410956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797978239929438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431228627356376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571484639225024,0.0,0.0,0.1302341612846953,0.0,0.0,0.2541568628549539,0.0,0.0,0.11519939279463635
suicidewatch,PM_ME_YOUR_LEFT_HAT,2018/04/05,Why does everyone leave? I keep losing the people I love and the only person I thought I could trust just cheated on me and ditched me when I found out and the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t want her to think it’s her fault wether it is or not...,1.5858620689655183,3.1404375862069003,2.971931034482761,94.41617241379312,78.3103448275862,5.329655172413793,20.220689655172414,5.6839178017228535,-0.1899627586206898,212,5,48,1,5,69,42,58,0.227,0.634,0.139,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,14,11,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,12,2,3,8,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283588977449564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001786082776651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194057636732603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395726147478903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27490028871505423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228504423220861,0.27738327114986105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26547507145890303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804902725847925,0.0,0.0,0.2262835595818249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38136598122701626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381688885578078,0.21891803759804634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778074492133995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065052170108365,0.0,0.1990427690199902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788047934275522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262347740400043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,labprofess,2018/04/05,"Cancer and Autism and ruining me Alright , so where do I start? Well first of im a 16 year old boy with high functioning autism since birth. Im currentlyy 153 centimeters , which makes me a center of bullying. I am currently in grade 11 and have been bullied ever since grade 6. There wasnt a single year where I didnt visit the school director and/or counsellor because of me getting bullied. Nothing changed that I even had to move schools. Its highly noticeable I had cancer due to the multiple scars on my head, my height being another point of my bullying. I hate myself. I cry almost every day because no one understands me , in fact im crying right now. I dont know what to do , I am embarassed of having had cancer, specifically I had brain cancer. Since birth I was in hostpital till the age of 3. When I turned 8 it returned but was able to be controlled. I hate myself so much I dont care if it returns i would die any day of the week . I used to have a twin brother at birth but he sadly didnt make it (due to the cancer killing him which does make me sad , I wish I would have died not him)
A small background story, when I was born the doctors said everythings fine, only my parents knew it wasnt. Uncle? Aunt ? Everything bullshit they always told my parents that Im not worth it, Ill never be normal I shouldnt deserve to ruin their life. Only my parents believed in me. And the only ones right now to. I have no family except them, and when they are gone, my family is gone. I managed to enter hospital a day before it 'would be to late' according to doctors but I wished it was to late!! I feel like I ruined my parents life, their family and they sold their house and everything for me to be alive because the health insurance didnt want to anymore. My mom almost got sentenced to prison for life due to illegal cancer treatment in Germany (so we went to Asia to do it but due to my german citizenship she almost lost everything for me to live) . I cant stop crying knowing what my parents did for me: Now to my autism, first of I dont have the autism where I cant really control myself. I can like i dont scream or so. However autism is difficult, I feel left out from everyone and everything. Even if I regonize it and remind myself of it,I will still struggle to speak and so on without even noticing. No one understands how I struggle with Autism everyday, especially with all the jokes people make about it or people with it ; I always hide my autism because I hate it. Im embarassed. 
Lastly my height, nothing that can be done. Doctors said hormones impossible now its to late. Before the risk is to high I get cancer again and if I do they will end up in jail and my parents aswell. I will always be small. I wake up everyday thinking why I cant be like others. I just want to be taller. Like normal people. But im not normal. And no one accepts that. As said before it does cause alot of bullying the older I get. 
Not trying to trigger , but I just dont commit suicide because I believe in god. And that he forbids it because there are millions in even worse situations. Normal people at age 10 do what? Well Im sure they didnt try to stick a knife into their chest to kill themself. (I remember exactly taking the knife it just the pain that stopped me)
I legit dont know anymore. I cry for years , I know im not normal and not even my family accepts that. Its fine. I just want to die but my parents did all this for me I cant. Whats the chance of all this : cancer , high functioning autism and so small. wow . Im a burden and a mistake in this life I just want to die thats it. 
I can atleast be thankful for me talking and walking, because the doctors never thought I will be able to do that. Heck I could just walk at 6 and overcame full blindness at 5 . Right now I have a lazy eye which does ruin me alot aswell. Efforts to fix it for 3 years proved unsuccessful. Does anyone understand me? Anyone , please? ",2.4385641281316204,4.386408696586603,3.9412759744306562,86.6486604583252,77.07838179519595,6.7825074339844384,25.047292605188645,7.727372210726945,1.3701513185306529,3073,110,616,46,71,1018,303,791,0.23,0.6779999999999999,0.092,-0.9991,10,0,0,0,0,4,90.0,1,0,10,6,37,37,5,3,28,1,71,25,5,10,11,113,115,43,7,20,26,10,2,4,0,8,20,5,0,1,40,26,0,5,16,1,2,8,30,21,2,7,30,9,104,16,80,65,8,96,0,7,2,0,34,39,1,10,53,415,144,10,0.08033725510611801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066923444448055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002705478974223,0.0,0.0,0.027316044177011684,0.04212030835653824,0.0,0.0,0.07967296980085822,0.05617367670441879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140495767236275,0.0,0.10254163046531428,0.09051257573260467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0448414729119426,0.0,0.0,0.040954592889034414,0.0412642454546948,0.042493081781196165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901050628169685,0.03207138055014557,0.0,0.1764934047743831,0.07771632511223152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667547743666386,0.0,0.0,0.16445716956417494,0.14060734665314484,0.04110645223638587,0.28246399399114497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035577481331693264,0.0,0.0,0.1326549982972323,0.036334823319069516,0.0338438011721527,0.03838284501566437,0.1805048617831644,0.0,0.15146962856288398,0.0,0.04062093004608212,0.02869647554997665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833482815295819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295934999253254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03212652092814227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897461071599187,0.04122460051876816,0.04269737271919514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976144168198065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046349203053059236,0.0,0.0,0.3905010965555938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888126982031762,0.0,0.08830250881118866,0.03274279269104514,0.1359358845063425,0.0,0.043643331368216604,0.0,0.11348915827268917,0.07849744970669964,0.0,0.035469634052722965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384880203382843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725148322468668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470450111105049,0.0,0.042692894106583335,0.029528563113021426,0.0,0.06196104377251719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967836319741316,0.07708576298207223,0.091464497410057,0.042150217526478864,0.0,0.10887720640881912,0.09165015396534736,0.042742251815273496,0.0,0.3122175508276609,0.0,0.0,0.1113914745736212,0.0,0.0,0.044093090640793885,0.03797233668547488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02573305138698255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550322461165267,0.10291136535798072,0.11462868997833706,0.0,0.0,0.08130559116874382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968371140910236,0.0451512203691582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02843156132884655,0.0,0.032078717851804425,0.06716554253287148,0.0,0.08398594212507889,0.0,0.043937958910977945,0.0,0.03785845609257759,0.0,0.030201808872521024,0.03228602126658023,0.0,0.03698187542554415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025738434597907728,0.0,0.031889403397890835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838284501566437,0.0,0.054543722741129515,0.043691932065958165,0.0,0.12545087371641214,0.0,0.034692797144898625,0.0,0.0,0.09476998905619054,0.0,0.03222085008880088,0.0,0.0722328404568734,0.0372367201739444,0.03624593853629424,0.0,0.09238387860759856,0.03872112354033192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093526317842541,0.0856039215583981,0.0,0.0,0.10346911665593506
suicidewatch,throwawaylkjhgg,2018/04/05,"I’m tired Girlfriend cheated on me after 4 years, I have no money left, the pressures at work are piling up and I don’t know where to turn. It feels like it’d be easier if it was just over, I can’t get any help because if the nature of my job. I keep coming so close to doing it only to chicken out. I just want a fast way out ",1.945810810810812,2.143874391891892,4.214432432432435,91.20759459459462,75.35135135135134,6.460540540540541,21.556756756756762,5.6839178017228535,0.04185729729729727,251,5,61,1,5,88,59,74,0.14300000000000002,0.733,0.124,-0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,13,16,4,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,11,13,0,14,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,4,40,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996221469978265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179248475598049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329567091276584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486791257647637,0.2100674156135898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362755284017862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709367479497986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29179652541826817,0.2613627082717502,0.0,0.0,0.16160067972334793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194831997163581,0.0,0.0,0.14365663444824633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363618545604275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379640601262726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198389724297636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343668775709928,0.23340102189947956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406990157383746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935678959842686
suicidewatch,Eulalia88,2018/04/05,"I'm so tired of screwing up. I found out a few years ago that I have bipolar and PTSD. Sure explains why I've spent my whole life screwing up and destroying relationships. Yet again I've ruined a wonderful relationship with my issues and now I'm living alone with my cat. Everything that I love I've had to send away because of my bad choices with relationships. I keep trying to improve myself and be a good loving partner, but I continue to have issues and can't get any better. I'm so tired of being a disappointment and a burden on others. I've attempted suicide more times than I can count, been in ICU at least 3 times for overdose, but I've become very serious about really making sure I die. I see myself hanging from a tree in my yard. It would truly be a gift to those I love to release them from the burden of dealing with me.",5.553431952662723,5.585161177514795,6.641236686390531,77.5489556213018,67.40236686390533,9.363550295857989,30.50946745562129,9.120678840339163,2.4792598816568043,665,23,129,11,10,224,105,169,0.24,0.606,0.153,-0.9515,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,6,16,3,0,8,0,10,9,0,1,2,21,24,10,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,5,11,0,1,3,1,1,2,1,9,0,0,4,1,18,7,26,16,4,18,0,2,1,5,11,8,2,1,8,84,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943942085926987,0.0,0.0,0.13955063617499966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162823515839497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659323835478462,0.0,0.11250278111554622,0.08213662515461083,0.1488104175602458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916711984321984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891165232716254,0.0,0.0,0.13983948023768164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109617201908285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773612403734385,0.0,0.0,0.07039640743918976,0.0,0.0,0.11301403082711932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812683799724771,0.0,0.1197636450022022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951712774986063,0.0,0.0,0.1189784270703526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648259830746563,0.0,0.08994040336071574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575045624783526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631828490795204,0.0,0.0,0.43398296917790896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737082113426584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738435790285848,0.0,0.25398286041020457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713666633136214,0.30972901978335315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148002949022273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117511431417676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158244283904313,0.150433079046085,0.0,0.0,0.14612044374548808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571586334884633,0.0,0.0,0.08676853510655899
suicidewatch,aimzee13,2018/04/05,"""/ i've felt depressed for years and it comes and goes in waves but each wave keeps getting worse and worse and closer together. i'm having less full days of happiness or content and more where my mind is just cramped with how to commit. all the reasons in the past that made me not make a plan are gone. i'm graduating soon with no plans and i know i'm gonna lose the one person who makes me so happy. i don't know how to handle it all anymore. i don't know what to do when i graduate and have nothing left. i used to always see my future of getting married with kids but i couldn't picture college or that in between and now i'm in college and i can't picture life beyond it. i dont want to make it another day. ",2.215,3.4380786862745083,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,75.86274509803924,6.4071895424836605,25.16830065359477,6.816661863887847,0.8068653594771238,561,19,126,5,12,186,95,153,0.115,0.794,0.091,-0.2074,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,8,3,39,31,17,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,14,0,1,5,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,3,2,12,2,17,26,6,19,0,2,1,0,3,9,0,2,8,81,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750907445599667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328890903739594,0.0,0.0,0.16389293615435951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235635556298562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131573061161864,0.0,0.1423376945912892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368280714194172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867495744523435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268245017831144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518434469562989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689016395567214,0.0,0.0,0.27246676272457754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955484123092474,0.0,0.11672761425542777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488301705232027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156372457144502,0.3309358343840961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686490204472054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585708686698756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198405860373364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577588140015021,0.0,0.1442981494699239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699142056509088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169035996004838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427310768431722,0.0,0.0,0.09747428647732093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368269309570189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064216469677554
suicidewatch,I_Cant_Reach,2018/04/05,"If a person knows how they want to kill themselves, but not when, are they still considered a threat to themselves? There is a method in place but no date set, other than ""It felt like something that would happen a long time from now, if ever. Now it feels like something that should happen sooner than later...""",5.634482758620693,6.894618827586211,4.5098275862069,88.55543103448278,67.6206896551724,6.4896551724137925,23.12068965517241,5.985473137389443,0.4076758620689653,244,5,46,1,4,71,43,58,0.156,0.728,0.116,-0.5574,0,0,3,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,7,4,2,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,13,10,6,1,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,2,6,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,11,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339226349334048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307582385413451,0.1847471533026425,0.24830093754220206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573663265275105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28610763633029346,0.0,0.1421223061342274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526822562159887,0.0,0.0,0.2288569027032391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258035317977204,0.2701867298267656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981728576772019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652194010369854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079440181673565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253167297637038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370526364133508,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lexexmachina,2018/04/05,"It's My Bday and I Want to Die Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday, and I want to commit suicide. I've had these thoughts since I was about 8 or 9, and I'm feeling tired and very meaningless. It's getting harder and harder to fight the thoughts. I have a young son (2 years old) and he's the only reason I haven't done it yet. Now I am thinking that if I want to do something this traumatic, maybe I should do it before he is old enough to remember me and how much of a fuck up I am. 
I am considering doing it on my birthday because I am tired of living and seeing new years come and go with the same depressed, meaningless life. I am ""successful"" I guess by other people's definition - I'm a librarian and actually like my job, I have a boyfriend and a son, and we have a home. But my boyfriend is emotionally withdrawn (he uses affection and emotion like currency) and treats me differently from day-to-day. I am starting to buckle under the pressure of being the primary caregiver (financial and physical), and all I see stretched out before me is a numb life of catering to others. I feel very disposable and like there may be something better - more peaceful - in death. Just wanted to share just in case I actually go through with this.",5.388907103825137,5.7069278360655735,6.519573770491803,77.29318579234977,67.77049180327869,9.78535519125683,33.47978142076502,9.725611199111238,3.130483387978142,968,42,189,20,15,326,135,244,0.17,0.723,0.107,-0.9684,2,0,2,0,1,3,31.0,1,0,0,2,7,12,2,1,12,0,24,6,0,4,2,47,45,21,3,6,5,2,2,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,11,22,0,0,7,0,1,3,1,5,0,0,5,4,27,7,24,36,5,20,0,1,2,1,8,7,1,4,13,129,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.23596871312818346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737016396102392,0.0,0.2057599141184249,0.0,0.0,0.10692930350550377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414764304221293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594548582979118,0.0,0.10413399071027893,0.0,0.12547872470241395,0.12631840427063235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372623748263273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27200028510404994,0.0,0.12492561503467893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226486510548952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177331963535514,0.06316707852523051,0.0,0.13742446853461585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318881469961125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212760489452779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997804881823655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079540782799246,0.17720200070431896,0.0,0.10675998845613642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146379683128415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887796960032214,0.0,0.0,0.1167693349956326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537357295461054,0.0,0.0,0.09195254514325857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381925030516957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430891454018947,0.0,0.0,0.13696007483573355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926888412811514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001260856428834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615481240662776,0.0,0.0,0.08557610588104084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224878438693935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774700685230414,0.0,0.19196771715047006,0.0,0.2779215307414405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442178842880176,0.0,0.1995160671232092,0.2852480215213936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557157551066733
suicidewatch,EllaNicoleE,2018/04/05,"How do I tell my parents I'm suicidal? A few years ago I explained to my parents that I was suicidal and I'd been cutting. They told everyone I knew, I was humiliated. For so long, they were so disappointed in me. They looked at me as if I was a failure, or as if they didn't even know me. I was so ashamed of myself that I never wanted to tell them how I was feeling again.
-
Recently, I've been feeling the same way. I've been leaning on my friends and boyfriend for emotional support but I'm starting to feel guilty doing that because I don't want to make them worry. I know I need to tell my parents because I'm afraid one of these days I'm going to do something I can't undo. I've started cutting again as well. How do I explain what I'm doing and how I feel to my parents without seeming like a complete disappointment?",1.9787475915221573,3.6577754682080936,4.050196531791912,86.56681695568403,77.55491329479769,6.463044315992294,30.03044315992293,7.3011,1.7766103275529872,648,32,136,8,15,222,88,173,0.201,0.738,0.062,-0.9731,4,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,6,0,11,10,2,2,4,0,17,0,0,5,1,29,42,17,2,6,5,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,10,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,12,5,30,4,18,30,2,15,0,2,1,0,17,3,0,4,11,96,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482982655320975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579333582215365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358207370180487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354289811880351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457156132851145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556027057397374,0.0,0.0,0.12378148758408528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619982518805519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008265966096573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362084457096149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238412881581625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632869390758215,0.0,0.0,0.11463925544562745,0.10878138428315398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646928161352642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605263042283456,0.0999096102346603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777998717775523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753575271979009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790560398232814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792879504083414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972659640937752,0.0,0.0,0.1833788482425689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833925371185843,0.14700101061592236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396722886227873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378148758408528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528126721575136,0.10282320973145392,0.0,0.0,0.11647245586572275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487240773302187,0.0,0.0,0.13155465357112084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341982709629797
suicidewatch,veritablefool,2018/04/05,"Endless guilt for teenage behaviour leads me to want to end it. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I don't feel like I can turn to anyone else.

I'm from the UK, and when I was 17 I was self-harming and falling into a depression. I had no direction at school, I wanted to be with a girl I had liked for years and years but it had never happened. 

I then went out to hang out with a friend of mine because i was deeply lonely and pathetic. She was 3 years younger.

We kissed on a bench in a public park for a while, and i rested my hand on her leg. 

We then ""went out"" at school for the next week, hanging out on the walk up to school from the train station, with at least 1 of her friends and people I knew from the train. Every interaction we had was always in a public space or at school. I never, ever, ever touched her or even hinted at doing anything beyond a kiss.

I called it off when I had a bit of a moment and realised that this could end up with me turning 18 in the not too distant future, and still being deeply hung up on the girl I truly cared for, who I then had a emotionally destructive relationshp with for a grand total of 5 weeks.

I get it if you think I am some sort of monster or freak. I feel like one, even all these years later. 

And here I am. Every achievement in my life feels hollow, because I feel like a piece of scum not deserving of life. I barely feel like I can judge someone who did what the guy from brand new did.

I don't feel like I should live anymore. I just wanted someone to know, so that theres no mystery. I hope people suffering can find the peace they probably deserve more than I do.",3.709130781499205,3.9757221725146223,4.791440723019672,88.39846889952152,71.42690058479532,7.504731525784157,25.486975013290802,7.1686216300943375,0.9301064327485372,1261,34,283,11,22,415,175,342,0.14,0.735,0.125,-0.4956,0,2,0,0,0,1,35.0,3,1,1,2,13,19,1,1,22,0,28,6,2,1,6,57,51,22,0,7,9,0,8,6,2,1,2,0,0,3,12,22,0,0,11,0,0,7,9,6,0,1,16,8,43,13,53,31,8,55,0,3,0,2,20,24,0,7,30,203,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776737459149465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268859825607073,0.0653503862807708,0.09576225244956306,0.07691077149712311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394640796175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203564612415056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543454239164967,0.0,0.09529012955135886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746213255200632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080498169721248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807500976083318,0.1051314991636654,0.1655581250383189,0.0,0.0,0.12346075086257888,0.16908238012185994,0.15749052649322515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835413622893746,0.3338442259985005,0.0,0.0,0.08542202942997937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441609671376346,0.0,0.04882972575272187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254148325857912,0.08264761028670757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928282617813563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272788606551037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202910628095607,0.27396312443892457,0.0,0.08252813141571312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416639189206665,0.0902656057124282,0.09939726271752884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333186568352081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295887383351245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076720030519347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37835171926681976,0.0,0.0,0.0975006268278268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583790874630308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463839741301362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059886293435491414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033183373691441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537787152249805,0.0,0.14993820046194767,0.0,0.0,0.1732793144376691,0.08433437949663627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407443179187021
suicidewatch,_xNova,2018/04/05,Next week I’m on vacation now but I think I’m going to shoot myself when I get home next week. I’ve lost all reasons to live,-0.6801149425287356,1.0082842068965512,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,86.24137931034483,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5159747126436782,98,2,25,1,3,34,21,29,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.7227,0,0,0,1,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,5,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995414240782032,0.0,0.16311794692806406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879006966727788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534406036526495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31331213737306274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104900676269317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951005034382839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390842126737972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604542400730136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BCWallaroo,2018/04/05,"I just feel like I am being taken for granted and worthless I know its a sickness that you want to get some attention from people, to feel special. It's what I see with everyone.

I just keep havjng hnrealistic expectations kf my fiance, I'm unemployed and just don't have a passion for my relationship or my future anymore. I just keep asking for help and nobody will help but I understand people are busy with their own lives, but it's just too much for people close to me to handle that I have no problem taking my own life.

I just wish I could be felt special now and then like I'm worth something, but it seems no matter what I do, how hard I try to better myself I am always the butt of a joke or get no respect from anyone or any luck in gettjng control over my life.

I have a fiance whom I love very much and I know he loves me; I can trust him with my life, he's my best friend too but I keep feeling like I'm bejng taken for granted.

I'm unemployed but I have money coming in so he's not supporting me. He works and I cook and clean, take care of things around the house (which is hard sometimes as he works the night shift). And he is sweet that he calls me after he finishes work to talk about his night.

But I feel like crap: he's never been one to give compliments in any way but I give him constant  compliments. When he is at home, he's on his computer and I want us to cuddle or watch a movie together and he's not up for it or too tired or gets awkward being affectionate.

We have sex regularly, but of course it's not ling enough ( and I don't care about the length of sex, but he never wants to be on top, always sex on the side becausr it's easier. I wish he would go fown on me but he doesn't like that and ge doesn't care much for me to go down on him).

He has no problems going to the pub with his friends and I don't mind, I just wish he would put in effort or go out of his way to do somethung romantic or caring and think of me without me complaining. 

I feel like an idiot because I have talked to him about it and I'm alwayd complainjng about these things and now I feel like crap and worthless too.

I'm unemployed and have no friends or money to do things to meet people and don't want to leave my fiance because I love him and know he's a good man who loves me but I have unrealistic standards as we've been together for so long we are just at a comfortable place, but I always want to go back to romance....

I'm",2.7345925624873004,3.6865301081081085,4.191566754724652,89.29045315992686,74.17374517374517,7.305913432229223,23.477138792928265,7.669130373188453,0.8442772200772195,1908,51,433,24,38,635,211,518,0.086,0.632,0.282,0.999,6,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,3,1,1,8,24,44,3,1,14,0,36,18,3,2,2,103,93,48,0,14,33,0,9,7,3,3,5,0,2,1,21,30,1,4,14,3,3,7,17,9,0,1,5,12,65,35,62,80,8,43,0,2,2,10,53,20,3,12,21,278,86,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734490541596268,0.0,0.0,0.0945031641939808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890957286971514,0.0485849100127465,0.0,0.0,0.061855595389305386,0.06495826948822643,0.0,0.0,0.0534289967766467,0.0,0.08471374527630493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729192936922261,0.06145305469214748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095105198437475,0.0,0.2833747515716211,0.0,0.0,0.05985441402975133,0.0,0.07508764551425451,0.07793234528141398,0.05547741324508314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179566687050512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639505122414592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079954313559007,0.2481973344231752,0.06671564863767605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104976869803592,0.0,0.10890774944085456,0.13331099248201794,0.1974471240351427,0.058279980472265736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244882410602373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314747758074957,0.0,0.0696982344816088,0.0,0.0,0.08017534160509238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528202668993213,0.0,0.0,0.11455996018560093,0.0,0.0,0.0735736469161815,0.0,0.0,0.14723605963468686,0.2376250076355661,0.0,0.061355748091918474,0.0614912567797335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508485128056505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015915021510638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532364622526834,0.0,0.10718086878392953,0.0,0.0,0.1304122731599127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708423576799267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926861507329751,0.0,0.07259611305584175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297383137582608,0.0,0.06985072896832922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459993767698664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536984490508552,0.06325573024172225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053492267755405935,0.06872156816288788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884975225568587,0.0,0.0,0.1044868167711142,0.11169740205259013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384864790109034,0.04452261636311728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986177066934701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047175154211145216,0.0,0.0,0.07233541601823923,0.08358083708793886,0.0,0.0,0.05733167327819385,0.2049176616314396,0.1103065153020302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397099153254605,0.06698020899356516,0.0,0.1517557936217711,0.0,0.0,0.0987190458747574,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,masterbillyb,2018/04/05,Good online chats for help I can't seem to find any good online free chats to talk about my issues. Anyone know of any as I am at a real low.,-0.05322916666666799,1.4536309687500015,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,83.0625,4.266666666666667,10.666666666666666,3.1291,-1.8505958333333337,109,0,27,0,3,37,26,32,0.057,0.623,0.32,0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,7,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177590765634207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477362493577368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28073895127755955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5152629762587073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588307571623288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32059555245353266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688072689998075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496156695338994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27962720273454994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468838156584987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neganswife12,2018/04/05,"Death: I don't think you truly get over it, but you learn to live with it My oldest brother would have been 40 years old today.  Depression is a bitch.  A real bitch.  

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suicidewatch,Lewis-Bee99,2018/04/05,"Help. I’m lewis. I’m 19. Recently I’ve been having a really tough time. I do graphic design for makeup companies and it gets very stressful at times. It’s been going downhill because of my ever deteriorating mental health (generalised anxiety, bipolar 2, ADD) these health issues also have been what I feel the cause to my mum and stepdad splitting up (my real dad died in a motorbike crash when I was 2) the majority of my friends all moved off to University and I’ve been left to fend for myself, none of them reply to texts or pick up my calls they all seem to be too ‘busy’ dispite one friend however he cannot constantly be my wall to sit on. I’ve been sat on a waiting list to see a therapist for months and it’s getting nowhere. Lately I feel like I’ve been spiralling down, getting into drugs (weed, xanax, coke, mdma) essentially whatever will give me a quick up to feel better. This however I know is not a solution but will just create more issues in the future. My panic attacks have got ever worse over the past few month and I can no longer control them as my prescription for Diazepam hat I used to calm myself was taken off me as the doctors found out I was abusing it. My mums recently gone into hospital for major surgery and is never available to talk to me, I spend most of my time at home on my computer doing artwork that no one appreciates. I’m starting to feel like I don’t want to be here anymore and this just won’t get better. I don’t know what to do but I just want a way out ",3.065841584158417,4.772863610561057,4.675413861386139,83.12923960396044,74.61056105610561,7.620277227722772,26.64145214521452,8.364918446050245,1.8398468382838282,1186,44,235,21,25,399,174,303,0.12,0.8,0.08,-0.9041,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,3,10,11,1,2,12,0,27,7,0,4,5,41,54,14,1,2,7,3,4,2,2,3,6,0,1,0,10,12,1,2,8,0,1,3,9,4,0,2,14,5,31,7,43,34,8,42,0,0,1,0,13,20,0,3,19,155,41,2,0.0,0.13378783401835515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090299450129639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863809721111612,0.0,0.1119830321381629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845905587760836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883297678942511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973130327160826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530058312253108,0.0,0.0,0.11599656286090525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202284632788934,0.12664568887621758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718971505496865,0.0,0.0,0.11557503473692485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094753192744726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042792529332829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22837632015988846,0.16133543668811126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238073414591866,0.17447833610436764,0.0,0.2359772766509216,0.10831999484098616,0.06417316699442957,0.0,0.09030980606285284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400503595324619,0.0,0.0,0.07568568880288436,0.0,0.11326466420977364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357114117338177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241121387441646,0.0,0.12737496427752826,0.0,0.12268433300375975,0.0,0.0,0.11033079920631353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137934827882887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025807715192346,0.12001259008565808,0.0,0.0,0.0870883258580022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303056651292107,0.0,0.0,0.1324834268959064,0.0,0.0,0.10779177402600186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852393365944093,0.0723373341720324,0.0,0.2229832524121538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997999643988969,0.102795129581987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992302669234948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129345706846096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075817221689453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110500037133124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752792044951295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752378070882706,0.0,0.09316810921735114,0.13320239921693508,0.08962802651142791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507177160714775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hslamwhakahav,2018/04/05,"Everything is a mess In the last year, a friend of mine was almost murdered and two others died. My friends essentially decided they were sick of me. I have one friend. I’m so tired. A teacher at my school told me everyone would leave me because I was too much for anyone to ever love and I understand that. My dad seems to want to forget about his old life and move on with his wife, and I’m a part of his old life so we barely talk. My mom tolerates me sometimes. I don’t care anymore. I’m graduating in five weeks and I want to be dead before then. I knew when I was a kid I would die before I was 18 and it might just be a self fulfilling prophecy but I don’t care. I just want to go to sleep",-0.06223529411764873,2.013434533333335,2.1685098039215696,95.2311176470588,87.0,5.662745098039216,18.823529411764707,7.048011613610866,0.13889411764705928,540,15,128,8,17,182,93,150,0.125,0.746,0.129,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,1,0,8,8,1,0,7,0,14,6,1,0,1,24,28,11,4,5,3,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,7,0,25,6,16,16,2,14,0,0,0,1,16,4,0,3,8,85,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371724887919612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585409247862826,0.09578435307408953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350587955854256,0.0,0.23313134819272285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793343370369266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843413342653393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391239989475868,0.0,0.13089675430411166,0.12311489955414152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317506977031058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785275319881793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166252236802862,0.0,0.14504923794896515,0.0,0.0,0.1935156508140295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363593198167393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532134302958055,0.0,0.16043728019777626,0.0,0.14559528529269355,0.10070105718273883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874891981132038,0.0,0.09282579841851886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483433511262293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863795123084624,0.0,0.12470763448657,0.14290710425027126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137085726525245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548344428326042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010479789771063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744617077417275,0.0,0.13089675430411166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381619502434808,0.1426080860463552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423950849884024,0.0,0.10988254507507564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462297949557264,0.0,0.0,0.08821500552817324
suicidewatch,majestyalphaq,2018/04/05,"20. 6month+ illness. Suicidal and going insane I've been isolated at home for 6 months+. My illness causes me trouble to think, speak or move properly so that's why i'm isolated,. This feeling of FOMO is insane. So many opportunities that was brought out to me, wasted.  

I was such an optimistic person whom spent everyday not wasting time and self-improving. But after seeing how people really are once you're really on the lowest lows, its like i lost interest in people and life in general. People always crave the positivity, and run like mouses from any negativity they sniff. Whats the point in getting people in your life anyways?

Recovering soon probably but really... Its hard to get back up from here. Why me god, why. Such a selfish world we live in, everyone's out for themselves... ",3.5653879310344827,6.481331517241383,5.440926724137932,72.19518318965517,78.65517241379311,8.590517241379311,27.68318965517241,9.188382445141503,3.2022500000000003,630,27,100,18,16,215,107,145,0.183,0.71,0.107,-0.8709,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,1,2,9,8,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,2,0,16,15,10,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,1,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,4,0,0,6,5,9,4,19,9,0,23,0,2,1,0,6,13,0,1,8,63,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295631824808491,0.0,0.0,0.10588813038046888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973136825705485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599570484819883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878756495833956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873164776390397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270408256476354,0.0,0.08849357369734909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948556339514862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561898123311125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199651367905869,0.1521440684312625,0.0,0.1374947708674092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699758441118957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786548671815706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428622570840885,0.16549507345144435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582605385704002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317987958465308,0.13595995424580712,0.0,0.0,0.1471962672101116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678817014179356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992554137079526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240806994445477,0.0,0.16243947506326778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032145253787226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997726720908597,0.0,0.0,0.09079574534685914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215121311807884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ultimatecaissie,2018/04/05,"I'm here for how long ? I can't take it anymore, everyone seems to be on my back. I lost the only thing I ever really loved and that was my fiancee, even she couldn't take my PTSD anymore and decided to leave with my kid. 

How much is enough ? 

When is it ever over ?

I never did anything but treat her like a princess and when I needed help she just left, I'm back at my parents now, feeling like shit and even my mother is on my back for some reason, she knows people who yell are a trigger for my PTSD and she'll yell every chance she gets, my ex does the same, she'll take any chance she has to hurt me and do it. 

I'm just so tired of everything, this sickness, the memories, the flashbacks, the pain, the numbness. 

I just can't. ",4.344581529581532,3.9658881623376665,5.1054112554112585,88.9360533910534,69.97402597402598,8.143145743145743,26.85137085137085,7.3871296695380915,1.117146608946609,563,15,130,5,9,183,91,154,0.146,0.72,0.134,-0.6194,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,17,9,1,0,8,0,14,6,1,4,3,26,27,12,0,2,4,3,1,2,1,2,4,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,3,24,4,12,20,4,15,0,2,0,1,16,5,1,2,12,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671991348521876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821039055404131,0.0,0.0,0.11704152088654365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280936457470561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446467646954595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695953828752611,0.0,0.18788049800399415,0.2573067275150065,0.11983321963347528,0.13590494381890933,0.12782535056830432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191474750675253,0.10160770770975057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430825689721722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953324266950871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225800977224946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816478620954058,0.0,0.0,0.15059891010460685,0.15453113220885234,0.0,0.0,0.13897082782637524,0.0,0.0,0.12586729950386166,0.0,0.0,0.1552586572074556,0.0,0.12836631801373927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455394094133784,0.10546025577860448,0.10969499745821766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817079887791577,0.15134061399767956,0.0,0.15792735637568553,0.0,0.0,0.0986029832315403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325138289545627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911148952509829,0.14623406641447032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947902450896756,0.0,0.0,0.1459949925124381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32081325417964424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448995973167124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347015712745006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Meekandalone,2018/04/05,Bye bye What the title says. I wish you all the best but I’m checking out. Noose tied. Sign written warning room mates not to open door. Waiting for room mate to leave for class then I’ll be free. 😊. ,-1.8266666666666684,-0.5814817619047616,-0.5652380952380938,107.42690476190478,116.61904761904762,1.866666666666667,14.190476190476188,3.1291,-1.740209523809524,154,4,37,0,9,47,35,42,0.093,0.7190000000000001,0.188,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,5,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134635671997141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180712166100181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38909084569156255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626417096854669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,olusola1,2018/04/05,"I can’t take it anymore This entire sophomore year has just been hell. I failed out of my honors Spanish class, basically dashing any hope of taking AP Spanish as a senior. So now I am in an A-Level class.  And as of now I cannot keep my grade above a D in math or chem. Everyone else seems to get decent grades without even trying and it seems that no matter how hard I try I can never get straight a’s. One person in my math class consistently gets 100s on math tests, and I just feel so annoyed. I study, I do the homework, I stay after school for tutoring; I am the perfect student but my grades can never reflect that. I nearly failed out of Chemistry the FIRST SEMESTER, and to add the cherry on top. I failed the midterm despite agonizing over my grades nearly every school day. No matter what I do it is never enough. It’s never enough. Whether I study everyday before a test, or don’t study at all I can never get the grades I want no matter what I do. Today, our teacher gave us a pop quiz on a topic that we learnt two weeks ago, and my mind went blank. That grade will certainly drop me back down to an F, undoing everything I had worked so hard for this semester. It’s the 4th quarter of the year and I can’t take it anymore. I just want to kill myself so I won’t have to see the rest of this miserable semester through. I hate myself so much. Putting effort into school is nothing more than a waste of energy. If I go to my school counselor, she’ll just start going on about how I shouldn’t give up and that I still have my junior and senior years ahead of me. I feel that my life is already over. If I can’t pass high school math or chemistry class how on Earth am I supposed to excel in college or living? Cheating is not even an option because my teachers space the desks 3 miles apart. Dropping out is entirely off the table, because of my parents. Everyone keeps on saying that I should keep working hard and I shouldn’t lose hope. As my grades drop, I can literally feel myself losing the will to live.  I just can do this anymore. Everyday hoping for some kind of improvement, only to fail hopelessly.  
",3.1758933479934015,4.7087860560747625,4.262402418911492,86.92429631665752,73.95327102803739,6.904452996151732,25.205057724024183,7.5105763829236425,1.1879772402418909,1664,54,338,20,34,542,209,428,0.16,0.745,0.096,-0.987,1,0,0,0,0,4,42.0,3,0,0,15,20,21,5,1,22,0,34,1,0,3,8,65,62,28,1,11,15,1,6,0,0,7,1,1,1,1,19,15,0,3,6,0,0,5,18,13,0,4,4,8,54,8,53,51,7,61,1,8,1,0,9,28,1,13,24,237,73,39,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335638124212007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132103871272834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627552195469461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462090373794244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363267741913341,0.0,0.10089207642562197,0.0,0.07041751408228325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336944998026948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691303042599233,0.0,0.0,0.17101389828301194,0.0,0.1093164035128977,0.0,0.06972376979447964,0.15814988607907296,0.07437391187671485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552864678071887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703904653446929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294208779760786,0.07938512692363127,0.09406195069382624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239384689299888,0.08170239040973153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743408888680486,0.0,0.24658002607452334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206665321681093,0.09155498173018424,0.08617550164898671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584515603413153,0.0,0.0,0.14614650327288795,0.0,0.0,0.185160998899035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355789632924085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083367309662965,0.0,0.31912472909332723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940464437275198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607621641626378,0.06293810599862981,0.0,0.0,0.091888465267548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225755486122422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319057388469972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580926043637457,0.0,0.4187570637247208,0.06594418185169383,0.150672171300906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857366986960215,0.08820469711662678,0.0660874092547746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666200866383825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844106592678927,0.0,0.0,0.11236899628359744,0.0,0.08083858194630153,0.0,0.0995428094424301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762084446081867,0.0,0.06638022492646309,0.0,0.0,0.0767137382737559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977185216804605,0.0,0.12049171853737126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598724867042845
suicidewatch,Wendyh0406,2018/04/05,I'm so alone I'm so fucking alone and I want to die. I hate my family and I hate my country. At this point I don't care what happens after I just want the suffering to stop. I'm so scared of the things that are going to happen in my future and I don't want to face any of it. I can't see how my life will ever work out and it's worse because I know if I was born to better people or at least not in this country I would have had so much fun living. In this version of life I just want to die.,-0.6802055335968369,0.7470520782608716,2.1342292490118595,98.38189723320158,84.73913043478261,4.8774703557312264,16.541501976284586,5.565023196281405,-0.8160434782608692,379,7,99,2,11,133,65,115,0.268,0.631,0.1,-0.9728,0,2,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,3,1,2,0,9,4,1,1,1,19,25,11,2,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,1,15,3,16,21,3,13,0,1,1,1,0,7,1,2,5,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425055268075608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244369002380586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079584314290284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623866389565693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858537488166908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432144500383376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956856797725987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558772918561847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286343768072155,0.0,0.0,0.09397223214887288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29243696968108485,0.0,0.0,0.32649784283944544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087205183104136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358323136364445,0.0,0.0,0.14600710523226745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155129695987345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463289081213104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563092235490824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554422488352402,0.0,0.13176256541831635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824002838600544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985121222274126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901109254304749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037679064584485,0.0,0.16850580611344326,0.11745991669656823,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DevoidofEmotions,2018/04/05,"I'm staying with an abuser hoping he will kill me because I'm depressed My husband has strangled me twice in the last month, in addition to other forms of physical and emotional abuse.  I'm a disabled person and I truly do not want to live anymore.  I believe suicide is wrong though so I'm staying with him hoping the next time he chokes me he will end my life. It would be an act of kindness.  I'm 38, sick, and I have no friends and no hope.",4.001557971014492,4.446854880434781,5.1400000000000015,85.52166666666669,70.84782608695652,7.4376811594202925,31.63768115942029,7.1686216300943375,1.8752550724637684,347,15,72,3,6,115,63,92,0.318,0.525,0.157,-0.9671,0,0,0,0,2,4,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,0,13,17,6,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,9,5,8,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,5,43,11,0,0.0,0.39286171974885703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441646922265896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106240913212136,0.0,0.0,0.1867855329028174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142792372454366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864884162863329,0.14683835381090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808686919073062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939926377137006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341910186615995,0.17264197771241388,0.0,0.1351387899862906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117100484297788,0.0,0.0,0.14639323750940894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232985403368416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763166915229809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447590897319909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35341444058580546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181344415478672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628851963519756,0.0,0.09667191726312536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778565445618066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177705527100331,0.18126240446196293,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,REAL-DAD,2018/04/05,"I can't stop thinking about it I decided to do it today. You guys all say everyone is loved bla bla but you don't know how expensive I am. My parents aren't rich at all and are funding my education. I live with them, they pay for my food too. Water. Electricity. Clothes. Rent. This cost like $50k alone. I have 2 other brothers who are much better people than me, and they could really use the money. I'm useless, my stupid anxious depressed ass is going to make my parents lose a lot of money. I have no one, I know a ton of people and have a 'friend' circle but I think I'm just a burden. I'm almost sure of it. I'm always asking people if they want to hang out, no one has EVER messaged me since the beginning of college. They act like my best freinds when I'm with them, but it's always me that's trying. I just failed one of my midterms today, such a waste of my dad's money. I like a girl but I'm almost certain she doesn't like me back, I'm probably annoying or something anyways. No one even tells me if I'm being annoying, they just act so nice, but I feel the subtle disliking they have for me. I try being nice but everyone just ghosts me or ignores me. I had my best friend but he lives 6k km away now. Sure some people love me. But they'll get over me when they realize how much better the world is off without me. Honestly, I've realized how I never actually impacted anyone. It's such a waste, I can't take it anymore.",1.1664660881479776,3.0667547582781483,3.436279972596484,88.97427152317883,80.88741721854305,6.417172870518383,22.00319707695821,7.503015589744147,0.8490670015985375,1115,35,241,17,29,383,157,302,0.201,0.617,0.183,-0.6477,3,1,1,0,0,1,37.0,0,2,10,6,19,28,3,0,11,0,22,5,1,5,7,51,45,21,1,4,17,4,1,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,10,6,2,2,8,0,9,4,10,9,0,4,1,2,48,19,21,40,9,21,0,4,0,3,29,7,1,8,14,161,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.10395586578313834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334461240425284,0.11033077961975338,0.0,0.0,0.17727949692578926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034620760587265,0.10564705415289884,0.07448678616590537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958920841486306,0.0,0.1000864708689508,0.08191338127243256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235889223710288,0.18843054532342496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505386171014696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917523261302846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703606747622928,0.09636058644281636,0.0,0.2035839515483223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053863708194210234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881396227835876,0.0,0.16460638608341413,0.0,0.05565643216026445,0.0,0.060542261797830475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054793715425333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708989828708488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817660847227054,0.0,0.18813217877620336,0.0,0.0,0.11917747386062826,0.0,0.09056621303809093,0.19229118185551636,0.0,0.07110820196949118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662053085537486,0.0,0.08216088546927425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887442541740161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365732574922617,0.0,0.0,0.29541213728734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148550961798748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824450199848303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471526360386449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812098158863023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201038365165095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890620963033647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008025743714453,0.0,0.08009572494776916,0.0,0.09311008199336504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651755673587113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195199074697728,0.0,0.0,0.14465090593549676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092005904332266,0.0,0.0,0.06283291680299045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268909633345856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flyest_of_the_Lords,2018/04/05,"I cried I cried for the first time in 4 years. I thought I couldn't do that anymore, but they proved me wrong. My condition was becoming unbearable, so I tried to tell my parents that I was suffering, but they just told me to fuck off. They told me that I was just an attention seeking manipulative little shit, that I was terrible compared to my younger brother who is studying so hard for his tests right now, and that I should grow up. I'm trying my best not to fail at school with my assortment of mental disorders, and they refuse to listen to my cry for help. That pushed me over.


I just sobbed for thirty minutes straight on the floor. I just felt so overwhelmingly lonely. I forgot that my hands and feet tingled so much when I cried. I couldn't stand up, because I was out of breath, and my arms and legs felt weak. The thought of killing myself just felt so intensely comforting.


My hands are shaking right now, and my thoughts are a mess, but I just needed some place to vent, because I don't have any one to talk to about this. Everyones polite to me at school, but they don't really care about me. I live in the high school dorms, so my roommate's coming back soon, and he's going to be less than sympathetic if he sees me crying. Or anyone else in the dorms for that matter.


I'm sorry if you had to read this mess. It's night here, and I'm just so fucking tired. My assignments can wait. Not really, they're due tomorrow, but I don't care anymore. I'm going to bed.",4.322617449664431,5.062021026845637,4.832409395973156,86.95512416107384,70.2751677852349,8.376107382550336,26.980536912751678,8.548686976883017,1.6196021476510063,1158,36,249,18,20,369,157,298,0.246,0.6809999999999999,0.073,-0.9958,1,2,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,5,3,23,19,4,2,7,0,19,12,7,1,1,46,43,24,1,6,17,2,6,0,0,1,3,1,3,0,12,11,0,3,8,1,0,6,7,15,0,2,15,8,46,4,36,24,4,36,0,5,1,2,19,18,4,4,11,164,58,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581210672958038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919548071462497,0.06766916876227914,0.09916011810893048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744160233852369,0.0,0.1179894894131337,0.1068832883883286,0.0,0.0,0.10156215149088234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973424864020341,0.0,0.0,0.08336535856676394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5315284085796492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091554786681176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084529124163725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247517233412934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787651033353809,0.0,0.0,0.08231900224291573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893871810084336,0.0,0.0,0.11000191421126754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669374699895918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648680050918966,0.10225087906345026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707010828087067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699660918879173,0.08545641992706476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752908822908207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114269308440961,0.07175938603471825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081924942142862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557902639711248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746010473743324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111202479478562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968038189351806,0.0,0.1239964552248826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529513367644585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938323833989919,0.07711924089682279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934084598495062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833463296230757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778619274813788,0.08458791385958146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304918830521048,0.05643181404647288,0.1112316485851402,0.0,0.1849503446682587,0.0,0.13141131560655406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105811145488844,0.0,0.06232162044080378
suicidewatch,IndecisivePuppy,2018/04/05,"The Struggle of life It's always a great feeling when your depression hits hard, and forces you to skip classes ,skip eating, miss work, and lose your friends. Life is great ",4.215208333333333,6.782245937500001,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,74.0,5.516666666666668,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.8828416666666672,138,5,26,1,3,39,27,32,0.257,0.462,0.281,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,2,1,7,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,3,2,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343527652948628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128118836805495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27476929958886925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357748949424749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746264531911984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921020793636119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054669569167844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793359365259161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30041208701401034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807218459976448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549024281001035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zee-the-Sidequest,2018/04/05,"Do you think is worth it?... Worth living?...
Why?",-2.66,-4.103776999999997,-1.3088888888888892,109.79000000000002,152.33333333333334,1.2000000000000002,3.0,3.1291,-3.280066666666667,33,0,8,0,3,10,8,9,0.0,0.617,0.383,0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6236839129757135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525743789753091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6373341417109364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Significant_Mess,2018/04/05,I currently feel down and worse than ever. every time I think I am getting better it's the complete opposite. when I talk about how I feel it's a waste and I want out!!! I have already started my goodbye letters but i don't know what else I should do. I want to do this the right way but it feels like i'm drowning ,-0.6823692810457516,1.467989750000001,1.586078431372549,97.1484640522876,92.67647058823529,4.1986928104575165,20.79084967320261,5.82211442006289,-0.01891699346405317,245,9,56,2,9,82,48,68,0.066,0.7879999999999999,0.146,0.5756,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,15,16,6,1,3,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,11,2,5,15,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884374690464518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116787802070995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405018926420777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834804198700172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364316491743215,0.22022250267170998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964821872444385,0.1867287197241096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655938105585347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364668572299275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127696241475825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321565198124668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850049159328676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008598793236846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748066959651245,0.0,0.0,0.15241179682306502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30833540331305137,0.2074699394681809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663668321067771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mf_dk43,2018/04/05,"I can't remember the last time I was happy this cycle I'm living in of not being happy with who I am, what I've become and this empty life. Ideation is just a habit now and I don't want to feel this way anymore. on the outside im fine and i make sure i look fine, in my head, the way I feel just makes me want to end it all. 

this cycle of thinking is driving me crazy.",-1.3617857142857126,0.4863987738095261,1.4526666666666692,99.609,91.0238095238095,3.836190476190476,15.542857142857144,4.935628992294339,-1.0776628571428564,283,6,71,1,10,98,55,84,0.083,0.755,0.162,0.8154,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,7,2,1,2,2,17,16,3,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,10,5,8,14,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130523379979665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353157868558033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887141405571245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546617734990234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536276154696829,0.0,0.0,0.21866823522945147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23014894710771885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736780612579861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504955393434725,0.0,0.0,0.18814208470042804,0.0,0.1789226368503246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284447784421904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413634018975996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081314744352036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136524744940362,0.0,0.0,0.12424109443376935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513449008462441,0.3382453704887213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trashdev,2018/04/05,"I’m on the roof about to kill myself. I have nothing to live for, I have no one and nothing. I want the suffering to end, I’m so lonely and in pain. Please help me, I need to talk to someone, I don’t want to die alone.",-0.9812000000000012,0.5263792800000004,1.7620000000000005,100.241,86.2,4.800000000000002,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.6559999999999997,164,4,44,1,5,57,33,50,0.361,0.514,0.125,-0.9221,0,3,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,7,0,10,8,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658984221710413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664487828331332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273896296667521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208301641450932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28403751856864223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267003354304067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036459634319988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492685329061156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396922658488825,0.0,0.2731824864381296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181622690476904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175294147408424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635261812871988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028560750843866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karjoshie,2018/04/05,"I apparently have a normal life As the title says i would be consider to have a normal life live with normally wealthy parents and just recently unemployed, 
Im 19 male and live in perth Australia and i think im ugly well im pretty sure. 
but it is anything of a normal life i don't have any friends my last friend was a complete stoner who i let into my life and my home (he can't stay with anyone else including his family due to legal reasons) he walked all over me and used me to have a place to stay. <this hasn't just brought on the feelings, ive felt suicidal for a very very long time like my lifes going no where, no girl likes me i haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years, i try clubbing it doesn't work. I get a job and i just feel depressed more. I try to be kinda active like run to the beach but no one talks to me, i just don't fit in, no one likes me or my looks and definitely everyone hates my personality ",1.3645464852607674,3.1414479489795966,3.3464625850340157,90.46441043083902,79.71428571428571,6.600453514739229,22.62358276643991,7.594959193182576,0.8341426303854873,722,23,163,11,18,244,115,196,0.16,0.6779999999999999,0.162,-0.3494,5,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,11,0,18,5,0,2,2,31,28,11,1,5,7,1,3,4,3,1,5,1,1,3,3,10,0,0,5,2,0,4,10,2,1,2,4,5,24,8,18,20,2,21,0,1,1,0,13,9,0,2,10,97,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265645119755616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470664444701443,0.1094725976746034,0.08792213768553989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202215489769493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202314609378563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925306071398095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020924291830994,0.0,0.0,0.10072144418382517,0.0,0.10804538908954796,0.0,0.10258539617587442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509224510575488,0.0,0.055820709989088516,0.0,0.060720960843640814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054846856206392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717157283271964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346224166288824,0.0,0.10602453088699416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709076262333365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925352575241498,0.3773295025836274,0.2087910711664172,0.0,0.18868747750200568,0.0945521038453793,0.08972065199833079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187312118945468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479826183298444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863576845550672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329060533025073,0.11162749925594537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869706463595744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985171436786792,0.10549391570219184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496531268234347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22775942537179064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116868172662508,0.0,0.10069763578066168,0.0,0.0,0.08587582130551273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846025380344639,0.0,0.0,0.06230062441405245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507786353666122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922774727676838,0.0,0.17631223069149432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606408990823764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778249195687709,0.0,0.0,0.0758977289283766,0.0,0.0,0.0688029604144956
suicidewatch,thfrowawafy,2018/04/05,"I want to kill myself after my baby is born Long story short my boyfriend and I were looking at c# videos to use to make a video game, I'm a little spacy without my ADHD medications and I'm unusually tired from my pregnancy. I was paying attention to the video just ripping my nails while I do it, he looks at me kicks me out of the project. I told him your being unfair without even giving me a chance we argued I walked back said fuck you to him but in front of his cousin's room, he got upset. When we were away from them he hit me three times on my arm and I cried. He doesn't sit down and talk he just shuts me down. Whenever he sees me sad for days he would sit down and take me more serious. I feel there's like no point and I have nobody. ",0.6731874999999974,2.5916769437500022,2.4700000000000024,95.165,82.6875,5.5,17.5,6.6274283507984215,-0.2841250000000004,581,12,136,6,16,192,107,160,0.173,0.7909999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.965,0,0,0,0,1,2,11.0,2,2,1,0,6,7,3,1,5,0,9,4,1,2,0,20,25,9,1,2,5,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,1,2,4,6,0,1,6,5,31,1,22,16,1,27,0,1,3,1,22,15,1,0,9,85,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033625405277836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006945564636853,0.1473735445742068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105278461568812,0.12360386729858362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658862175235033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969082886969412,0.13692085996194814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771851810165233,0.0,0.18385628289924885,0.0,0.0,0.15328679877101994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204171705883484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363465471520106,0.19209215243644945,0.0,0.1696117280628605,0.3218897139136921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279335269739293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930757601179388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811792177992424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231110856350716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527269984180803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410332850911167,0.1540478303292374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175760386614676,0.22028323437767472,0.0,0.18313789573839206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553139465828254,0.0,0.0,0.1130451401388958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36950388033553455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361486887762954,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chelowl,2018/04/05,"Everytime I get the urge to, i get closer to actually trying it I feel like i shouldnt be alive. Im weak. Im dependent on people who cant help me. Not exceptional at anything. At this point i feel like i just want someone to kill me or convince me to do it myself. ",0.0507471264367787,1.9206748793103439,3.438620689655174,87.6267816091954,84.6896551724138,6.625287356321839,21.735632183908052,7.793537801064563,0.9912666666666664,205,7,47,4,6,75,39,58,0.2,0.6629999999999999,0.138,-0.6948,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,9,1,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,10,3,8,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2441045677266656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058472889450215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529607561026271,0.3574060044596533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137994640978673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766632418213773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403971276851399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767473958819129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444155538463584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341842985601158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364670377572436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194629273138174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698314308608369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475414771418057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Destridd,2018/04/05,"I cant decide whether I want to die or not. I want to be happy like my dad, step mother and mother are but I just can’t and everything is so fucking melancholy. But I don’t think it can ever happen which makes me want to die.",0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.4699999999999998,95.165,84.0,4.800000000000002,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.4597999999999995,175,4,41,1,5,60,36,50,0.297,0.628,0.076,-0.8993,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,15,14,7,2,3,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,3,13,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772443973490491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515558942076873,0.0,0.0,0.2499368801987159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25709745889444785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459214673322814,0.2960408826827393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586481473014544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856328193119844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819420432917527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920888660666246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BossingtonDC,2018/04/05,"Knife If I stab myself in the stomach with a knife, what are the chances I can be saved with immediate help? Will it hurt?",0.6346666666666678,2.992156200000004,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,87.0,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.0288666666666666,95,3,22,1,3,30,21,25,0.226,0.534,0.24,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5306839623639908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8475697800710301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spacey_Lacy,2018/04/05,"I looked in the mirror I just started crying... I was filled with so much hatred of what i was staring at that i couldnt hold it back. Not hatred of how i looked, or my body. Just me. My face turned so red and i just wanted to break the mirror! I didnt. Its still covered with a sheet... I dont understand why i have to feel this way! I thought that if i cut my hair shorter, changed the way i smiled, the way i stand... Maybe if i changed so much that i couldnt recognize myself... Id be happy.  But i just hate myself more and more every day. What did i do? Why do i feel this way?",-1.026902887139105,0.8905805354330738,1.1844409448818893,101.65078215223095,90.1023622047244,4.016587926509187,15.553280839895013,5.2151,-1.09354656167979,436,9,111,2,15,145,69,127,0.132,0.807,0.061,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,2,0,5,0,11,3,3,1,0,22,21,10,0,5,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,7,25,1,8,13,4,13,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,4,79,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266680719474564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829791512221368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485273893091497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180949412874542,0.10623795200961098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306365937104367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879308316075115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658601949806692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535935274142098,0.0,0.16263788805446727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27666532388135145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549456305200674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24219267185243235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659754280649548,0.0,0.1315544944803423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077811783718965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791801674356279,0.0,0.17149091754147247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716268944874168,0.5230236186151984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972884479445945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princezesa,2018/04/05,"Too many too often... I’ve been having dreams and thoughts a lot recently of being dead. Overdose, driving my car off the bridge, putting myself into situations where I could die and it’s really scaring me. I haven’t been this bad in a few months and this is the worst it’s been since my last institutionalization. I don’t know where to turn to get help because I can’t afford it or insurance. I don’t want to talk to anyone because I feel like I’m bugging them and I don’t want to talk to my gf/ex/Idek what we are because she’s part of the problem. I’m just so tired of being an addict. I’m so tired of being strong. I’m so tired of faking that I’m not suicidal. I’m just so tired of life. I want help and to be better. I just don’t know where to turn. I’m not going to kill myself but I really do wish I could be at ease. This is seeming like the best option. ",1.2478373015873032,2.631699931216932,3.5015310846560865,90.99769345238096,78.78835978835978,6.206481481481483,20.278108465608465,6.9077264865688965,0.1810552910052912,673,16,158,7,16,232,97,189,0.133,0.6809999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.8445,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,1,3,13,11,1,1,7,0,21,6,0,0,0,29,41,11,4,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,1,0,4,8,6,0,0,4,1,20,5,19,30,5,14,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,5,5,102,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464392483833418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636093167143452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312553326522067,0.2258713034207196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296159268059045,0.10923439100488448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722506816662205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818368424360166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245027154976781,0.0882354337325254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452877862340252,0.0,0.07019347193623128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557204581848828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664530648781587,0.0,0.1357555242464561,0.100676980686253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723863220319841,0.12068130996967287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500362464964576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521956283004534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985843528724464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337490894845268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181822088640666,0.0,0.1241614738002221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582470952878823,0.0,0.12195103813250115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365486737782228,0.0,0.0,0.11243869332677307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021685920620218,0.1388302025413275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509968689639915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854501539695624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805299383835507,0.0,0.5678254353564351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686864154964139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854785985747466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203018737680956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeaway364,2018/04/05,"generic sad post everyone hates me. i have no friends, no jobs, no life. its been this way for 5 years and im just sick and fucking tired of having to live. i want everything to just end. ",-0.7892307692307696,1.3575258461538482,0.8629487179487221,100.45288461538463,98.23076923076924,4.651282051282052,19.320512820512818,6.42735559955562,0.01615897435897473,144,5,34,2,6,46,32,39,0.386,0.525,0.08900000000000001,-0.9286,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,5,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25575929821765603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27592648881691256,0.2595225690325163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309844073370844,0.2669577733825041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28509478283701284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31191479888060986,0.0,0.2865538294092381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396263583503388,0.0,0.0,0.2549840060004536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27655620262120784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318918739455777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032055801765106,0.2292075154680307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595462405280427
suicidewatch,shadykaty94,2018/04/05,Not much to stop me at this point I have my method ready. I don’t think people not wanting to deal with my suicide is a good enough reason to stay alive.  ,3.9472727272727286,3.7873038787878777,4.075303030303028,95.23295454545456,70.81818181818181,6.6000000000000005,22.560606060606066,3.1291,-0.2037757575757575,120,2,29,0,2,37,28,33,0.117,0.625,0.258,0.5248,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332812547432355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335586560725653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707655323729642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730934673495216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380227207239367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051686049991363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319120298935861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440824462210665,0.0,0.269891409219056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531119440564084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684958753432525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040720087634105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,assl0w,2018/04/05,"It’s getting worse and i can’t stop it I’ve always dealt with trauma. Having been molested for multiple years when i was 5 by my best friends older brother, not realizing it until i was 12, and then getting my virginity taken from me by two different men in the same night just shy of 13. None of those things made me wanna end my life. And here i am, at 21, having been raped for the third time in my life this year and i feel all those feelings and more. I’ve been through therapy multiple times and was diagnosed with PTSD but no anxiety, and yet as each week goes by my anxiety and panic attacks increase by the day. Tonight I’m feeling weaker and more alone than ever. Called suicide prevention hotline, and i hated it. Scripted and not caring. God i wish someone cared",3.3253996983408736,5.243078503267976,4.501960784313726,83.74805429864256,74.42483660130719,7.5835093011563615,28.109100050276517,8.384062270229773,2.0813121166415285,613,25,118,11,13,201,104,153,0.295,0.634,0.071,-0.9908,1,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,4,1,3,0,10,5,0,1,2,30,22,16,1,2,4,1,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,8,14,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,8,3,14,4,19,14,8,20,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,16,84,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656864708153052,0.0,0.0,0.1338212512410101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24606498794928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296434541060008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877839724379026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422272118031034,0.0,0.32794843427504505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372034546985172,0.0,0.0,0.16323639002386325,0.0,0.16803036600175156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244530924518656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547755912792554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439574441046809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425482320250665,0.0,0.1680513205520836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878372668526547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271942481736064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217874134848355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092558725096364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869626056459152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187998583168678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362685044084681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445887846187596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591903390589672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392010805182468,0.0,0.1068465549783016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875594596709258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571049664154882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900601119712815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184943532607608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638968247392342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713510017713616
suicidewatch,gurneyhallack,2018/04/05,"Can a failed suicide be helpful?. All I know is that nine months ago I jumped off a bridge, and it put a desperation in me that has helped a great deal. I had always been desperately depressed, and had been shoving it down, all my life. Once I finally went through with it, I realized I didn't have to worry about becoming a failure, I was already failing, hard. So fuck it, I have a freedom others don't, because I know I have the balls to do it, and can if I really want at any time. After that working on myself, actually working and making progress, actually happened. I do not regret it whatsoever. The anxiety, PTSD, and autism remain, but the drinking problem and all but the residue of depression, are gone. Am I foolish, or is the idea of such thinking being freeing, or liberating, silly?. I do not know, but it is where I am at.",5.444417177914112,5.759138625766872,6.693380368098161,76.10645092024541,67.65030674846625,9.46478527607362,35.318404907975456,9.3871,3.2539796319018404,648,31,124,12,10,220,102,163,0.189,0.716,0.095,-0.9305,0,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,5,4,10,1,0,11,0,24,3,0,1,3,28,34,13,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,7,1,0,6,2,1,4,4,7,0,1,8,1,18,4,14,24,3,16,0,5,0,1,3,7,1,3,5,99,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.318701515258767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474970528680906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019827609166114,0.0,0.13587315123810256,0.0,0.0,0.11104507992177468,0.0,0.12491896844478455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995421126362593,0.18034467959144326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834827723212198,0.2812886521212664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159965319963721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887988700144353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509620740014772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800314986679154,0.0,0.0,0.14439977318177008,0.0,0.14627877061851527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189041854986876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433831992318014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692252697175962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533892470831755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899958142948343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033919682381753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390209211838176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562496860139387,0.19088119178786095,0.16415492215606428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460990359297404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786164251035766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463178740175501,0.0,0.0,0.0952176675739926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631465065672684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513745746252769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377590122694221,0.16583232688855545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,feelinglikebadrn,2018/04/05,"Suicide Prevention Lifeline website chat is really discouraging Throwaway.
I know its not perfect and they may have a shortage of counselors, but I feel like the website chat is very discouraging. Some people may not want to call or talk in person and will resort to the online chat. Clicking on the chat option, it puts you on a waiting list to speak to a counselor. Someone who is in need of urgent care and help, waiting a very long time might discourage them. Just my two cents.",6.361385767790264,7.6398584157303375,6.105112359550562,77.7117509363296,65.96629213483146,8.18052434456929,33.934456928838955,8.344100000000001,2.7814254681647936,385,17,65,5,6,120,64,89,0.172,0.6990000000000001,0.129,-0.3331,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,2,1,1,6,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,1,24,15,5,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,6,2,4,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,6,3,10,11,1,7,0,3,1,0,13,4,0,6,3,44,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561894251956406,0.0,0.25580175589249515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685885145932171,0.1792377439448441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816804030679758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788402722507898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257346521831107,0.0,0.0,0.2220320811089139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661574306255673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603370499804456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739373582872059,0.2190697658431654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522163886707936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072824230232854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258050996697705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744358140786162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016579911598868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629750931462612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450856419385041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140253882600465,0.14798297270449107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artemis_irelia,2018/04/05,"Adults with issues, how do u deal with it? Because I can not take on the world and my internal struggles at the same time. My internal struggles just wreak havoc to everything else in my life. 

I know people here deal with all sorts of things and with age you get good at hiding. But you have to deal with it alone and you have to keep moving on. I know people say there are others that help you, your parents, your friends, you guys. What I have understood is others - they may be supportive and try to help you in many ways, but eventually it boils down to you and you alone..May be this is what 'adulting' is like. And I don't think I know how to 'adult' with everything thats inside. Does it go away, does it fade, do things normalize... How do I adult with everything that's within?",2.9269230769230745,4.649931692307696,3.461794871794872,91.61653846153848,75.02564102564101,7.107692307692307,21.615384615384613,7.882392219407189,0.7279384615384616,608,15,132,9,13,190,86,156,0.058,0.858,0.083,0.594,1,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,10,1,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,15,2,0,3,1,31,25,11,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,5,15,13,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,21,4,23,21,2,16,0,0,0,0,24,10,0,2,4,93,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695607330692506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331107421464833,0.0,0.0,0.08649531265674608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438849542834984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24833918467202404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853155357400387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825668965802777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962447751856233,0.0,0.07413208492439008,0.0,0.08063980961244034,0.1190112682690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049419672547725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021282013339888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809712731915287,0.0,0.12611905955324626,0.0,0.0,0.23393841322630146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022166588520698,0.0693206760635469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385499716471234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080746157414004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902285445100526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755293803918002,0.0,0.0,0.19673842536313071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283725657781968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966701369126134,0.0,0.0,0.16101599455950774,0.0,0.0,0.10668422055533357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853188089230427,0.09091789319581273,0.0,0.0,0.08273766458376929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633453697069733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262630990999208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BBoyPen,2018/04/05,"Someone please I wish someone would just kill me, so I didn't have to do it myself. My life is already out of control, but not enough for my death to be at someone else's hands.",5.174736842105265,3.995113842105262,5.483157894736844,89.59210526315792,68.47368421052633,7.6,32.1578947368421,3.1291,1.2546947368421044,138,5,32,0,2,44,33,38,0.197,0.7190000000000001,0.084,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,0,7,7,2,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,6,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28068259113084826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285276211179004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247757580132196,0.0,0.0,0.2628125170611577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28140163389735745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965559353580582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792009559491538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6465321874090638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924910325708537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068361266854788,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,supaflydaguy,2018/04/05,"I've made my plans, not today though. I've been planning my last day for a little over 2 months now. August 9th, I get paid that day so that makes my plans a little bit easier. I'm going to go to DC, watch a baseball game, eat barbecue for dinner, play chess with the hustlers at DuPont Circle, and then I will put a bullet in my head somewhere off of the highway late at night so even if I survive, I'll just bleed out before anyone can get to me. I'm pretty excited for it, truth be told. 

It kind of really started when my kid's mom took him out of town on my birthday, so I didn't even get to see him, and honestly, he is the only reason I have been getting out of bed for the past 2 years. I've lost my ex, which hurts a lot, but I'm not going to off myself over that. However, She has been systematically reducing the time I spend with him and implanting him with ideas that I am a bad person that he should be fearful of. We still live together, but that's about to change and I'm going to be relegated to backseat/part-time maybe 2 days a week having to watch someone else raise my kid. Eventually he will come to loathe the days he has to be with my sad and pathetic existence within my miserable apartment so it's best I do this before he can formulate any real memories of me. Well that's my tale, or at least the parts I could organize and put down. 

If anyone has read this, and want to help, first of all thank you, but I encourage you to help those who have more immediate needs. I know that I've tried to help some people on this sub, and I hope you don't think I'm hypocritical for being this way. ",4.955565905915229,4.343191241887908,6.196739636702375,82.41375873311598,68.73451327433628,9.614718211457847,27.28163328675672,9.134995656068208,1.8206483775811209,1257,32,281,21,19,426,186,339,0.087,0.7809999999999999,0.132,0.9021,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,3,0,7,13,16,0,2,14,0,25,4,1,3,2,42,53,21,0,7,9,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,18,17,2,0,4,4,2,8,4,6,1,1,9,3,35,10,46,35,8,48,0,4,3,0,26,19,0,6,20,175,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398997226347145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215558864833584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084620739352976,0.0,0.0,0.18516718220775574,0.0,0.11418234645953546,0.0,0.11878501936033466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509946030275027,0.093724405350434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687057840364444,0.0,0.0,0.280676499237868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133293451964256,0.09089119242421116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372710164062746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243395704980703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254802794471814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273809257537128,0.0,0.24734168182348196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166357138649326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878566738141966,0.0,0.0,0.10806622285184668,0.0,0.0,0.11647617862749395,0.1228256775340169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330188961965472,0.05979544599683636,0.08868920797389256,0.12273485695876793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809897236745826,0.09607530368416466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877165028894544,0.09250067136584868,0.0,0.1029523093724478,0.07262704491165888,0.0,0.10930753492907992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742910520441847,0.086845752775638,0.0,0.0,0.08067626529825263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210452270266726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274980942696646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356467333993396,0.10386505732466927,0.07543050579250325,0.095002841276397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106920674623559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218754728184186,0.0,0.0,0.10883273965750152,0.12384197085307926,0.06970217744704266,0.11186790939008487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670214005428897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921886795702636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701153287410882,0.0,0.08689045268495361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017145671809764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971675875407457,0.10689868583694,0.0,0.06344407683577781,0.0,0.10313280251603436,0.1039662119338692,0.12088446518223328,0.07387029590761457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417500294184372,0.08636299194093272,0.0872754410897521,0.0,0.09782722980096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006575532943843
suicidewatch,yabyat,2018/04/05,"Death is pointless, but so is life. I have always been at an impasse. Neither for life, nor against it. I always viewed people who killed themselves as to be unable to maintain a precarious balance between the two ends. Most people are for life, and hence love life. Some are against it, and kill themselves. I thought of myself as being able to draw a partition, and remain on the fence. But it's interesting how changes to ones life can tip the scales. I no more find myself with the kind of aversion to death as I did before. Would it not be great, I find myself thinking, if this constant state of mental tug of war was over. There is no other side to death, that would be the end of it, and I would exist no more, not in any shape or form. It's not particularly comforting, but I never asked to be born, to be put in this strife, to not be able to have any peace of mind. I'm not sure I would be able to muster the strength to take the final leap and end this conflict, but I also didn't think I would be finding this proposition as appealing as I am now.

I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest. As a reader of such stories, I always thought to myself that one should be self-sufficient enough to not put their miseries to others, as no-one really cares, and why should they anyway. But it's amazing what a moment of weakness can do. Perhaps I need just a tad more weakness to do what I can't do now.",5.030171568627452,4.910488847222227,5.521225490196077,85.65220588235296,68.5138888888889,8.026470588235295,28.74673202614379,7.285733465282438,1.4252035947712414,1100,34,235,9,17,354,146,288,0.194,0.6970000000000001,0.109,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,1,9,15,3,0,13,0,37,8,0,1,2,46,49,24,6,9,14,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,0,19,7,0,2,8,0,0,2,15,5,0,3,6,1,22,10,43,25,8,20,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,4,10,178,41,0,0.30747001852087485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196122090842853,0.2558396863190053,0.0,0.0,0.13939343746026175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581432063848977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872114465081119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449539189485653,0.0,0.10842083684184738,0.0,0.0,0.11075528643194574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723271744729739,0.10589957368294103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227279209128203,0.2810220266390342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299559362792795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267800133467656,0.10672756984275847,0.0563258270478057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619586117500306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092501232048697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032858203162978,0.0,0.10348568961881854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599504093159014,0.07904661106956247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388997612909122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210733117106722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060615282682917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656577223614204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691942867888184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659561789924036,0.0,0.07705972960392057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134291518198088,0.0,0.1627312333141514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001178436512751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849625785420058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36402979901905175,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoyRogers313,2018/04/05,Feeling extremely down I've felt so depressed this past couple years and I'm just done. I started my chemistry course a week ago and it's the course that decides if I'm accepted into the program I want or not. My work is giving me more and more hours and between that and the schoolwork I'm getting completely overwhelmed. I know it's just one course and I know most of you have it much much worse but I also have an undiagnosed pain in my abdomen that has ruined my life.  It's always there and I can never sit still and feel comfortable. Just want to hear someone's advice or anyone who has experienced balancing work and school while battling depression. I think about suicide most days and have for the past year and a half. Thank you so much. Also I'm 20. ,2.9588174077578024,5.170105529801327,3.698547776726585,87.75637417218546,76.48344370860927,6.433491012298959,25.355250709555346,7.447530270364453,1.2661859981078532,609,22,119,8,14,193,93,151,0.16899999999999998,0.732,0.1,-0.9529,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,0,2,10,9,1,1,7,0,8,3,1,0,1,33,25,20,1,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,12,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,2,5,14,3,8,23,7,16,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,5,12,82,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042231663156735,0.1364530157373171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462015902153926,0.12808524347207248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763408410963612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139664860670966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032480918942228,0.0,0.09927455900548454,0.0,0.2651658930743929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752771038082528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566709739146262,0.0,0.14780057707244112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042405114696959,0.14766731659875576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349456728961993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515937741447475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919596896757386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872798723261727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33947713935131835,0.0,0.11872322746514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430951897534604,0.0,0.1637964041815516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938944383297985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155789212169405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304275995245288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089551278453747,0.0,0.12293172239939207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837858023482094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172155086198893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863455614411104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815882735754932,0.0,0.12347640005088585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413126284855334,0.0,0.15687168148814232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982566258480035
suicidewatch,FreshOutaCompton,2018/04/05,"Thought i was fixed, now i feel more broken than ever Now the fun part, Finding the motivation to pick up the pieces.",8.91,6.4321965217391375,8.25826086956522,76.8204347826087,62.04347826086956,10.93913043478261,36.04347826086956,8.841846274778883,2.802339130434783,92,3,19,1,1,29,19,23,0.125,0.664,0.21,0.3197,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694844937018978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624327715717299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743760787968417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5620495055917845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120449486500423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,undecided99,2018/04/05,"Can’t kill myself but I want to so much I’m 18 currently and don’t want to live anymore. It’s been like this for a few years but it seems everyday I want to snap more and more. I’m fat and ugly. Everyone I talk to about it doesn’t take me seriously. It’s like I have to do it for them to believe me. I’m pretty smart but wasted my high school career and not going to college. Can’t afford it anyway. No girl wants to talk to me at all. Everyone says I have a lot of friends that care about me but it all seems so fake. I can’t talk to any of the guys cuz they all think everything is fine and would just call me a pussy and move on. Nobody truly cares about me. I want to die but I can’t because I don’t want to leave my mom ,grandmother and about 2-3 friends that don’t even care about me anyway. I’ve already decided to kill my self when my mom and grandmother are gone but everyday I want to do it more and more because I can’t wait. I drive myself fucking crazy sitting in my room alone all day everyday. Anyone got some advice on how to just get it over with ? ",0.5945920745920787,2.273367666666669,2.6274125874125893,95.1698601398602,81.73504273504274,6.1348873348873365,19.610722610722608,7.1686216300943375,0.16814358974359012,830,21,201,11,22,279,116,234,0.155,0.657,0.188,0.5891,2,1,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,2,0,14,14,3,0,4,0,17,2,1,2,4,40,40,20,3,8,9,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,3,12,10,1,1,4,0,0,4,11,5,0,0,3,1,28,9,30,36,12,19,0,0,0,1,14,7,1,4,9,130,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009515141309334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166871923765426,0.12432887454158445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766162147024748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173362659486913,0.07877814311479096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735934773607372,0.0,0.0,0.12693512447602678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504378882051325,0.0,0.3446091090099388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265974790128459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692871333003173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441431683911595,0.0,0.0,0.2153128963736848,0.10125623721796448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174089742731084,0.10415718266649723,0.058862928630244435,0.0,0.06403024227383995,0.0,0.09010867053530193,0.0,0.0,0.11155628339942217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903699323943588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929475173835444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929620297165182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008507347097056,0.0,0.09948545552172733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578394315722392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639042936499652,0.0,0.1197453013307378,0.08282190190725945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146210350823935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895959069213704,0.0,0.11402322000083967,0.0,0.20513237416743785,0.11753439835878153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471022590187217,0.2716681143015623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219132530611666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651700706808042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003414148587434,0.0,0.0,0.07255270936574695
suicidewatch,rosyrin,2018/04/05,"I'm an idiot and I don't deserve to be here I've felt like this for a long time but tonight compounded every insecurity I've ever had. I left a long comfortable relationship and found someone new that I had actual chemistry with I thought. But now I'm alone because I destroy everything pure thing in my life. I'm a virgin still and I told the new guy and I feel embarrassed and shunned and hes fucked 474874975 women. He went to bed not holding me after I told him and didn't want to make a move anymore. Nobody loves me and now I'm alone because I'm a fuck up laying next to him crying because I feel like a disgusting loser.

 I'm socially stunted and my mom doesn't care about me and didnt want a kid. She thinks I'm just like my father and let me abuse drugs at 15 . I was kept away from everyone my whole childhood and now I'm ruined. My dad is gone. I've built multiple webs of lies just trying to be accepted 

I dont thibk I should be here I have nothing now my relationship was the one constant and I let it go for a stronger passion but now I wish I could blow my head off. Whatever, at this point it wouldn't matter if I did all I do is take up space and waste everyone elses precious time I'm a mistake and a regret and a horrible example of q person and if u fkild eject myself out of earth instantly I would ",1.4729208869422372,3.307007971530254,3.532473309608541,88.98618874897349,79.60498220640571,6.885354503148098,24.33082398029017,7.882392219407189,1.2606226663016695,1044,38,229,18,26,355,155,281,0.252,0.631,0.116,-0.9922,0,2,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,12,20,5,2,14,0,24,8,1,1,3,50,54,22,0,11,8,3,3,3,0,3,2,0,1,4,6,19,0,2,7,0,0,4,7,11,0,1,15,3,35,9,22,30,2,33,0,3,0,5,18,11,2,2,21,137,41,0,0.0,0.13467642317869666,0.11092227836286156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354487908263633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272679863404993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679358301186803,0.0,0.0,0.2078704505254982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158907508350955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283329504586553,0.0,0.09075359099149084,0.0,0.12485750531182932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321649676837785,0.0,0.13181725643041092,0.0,0.09495392172558273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281801524231396,0.09576907624455047,0.2172267584299907,0.10215627838428386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494657254719785,0.08120349546187768,0.10913783348996144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462964239856975,0.0,0.21016601921118264,0.0,0.0,0.0645993909556323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254787907964614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665480157357636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349917516972166,0.2324637530534281,0.08028613420417176,0.16659538790554046,0.0,0.0,0.20118286130924695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258861219527668,0.0,0.07587338832035231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312503619347704,0.0,0.1208096871269331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955996638581154,0.12088579857664172,0.0,0.0,0.10906624044455478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702348082017042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099249356441098,0.0,0.0,0.10745174836351498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244070941160112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586886096636892,0.09630940501962072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907743536297779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546319374478913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551508826655143,0.07283301579760502,0.0,0.09023864340388388,0.1325599047639205,0.0,0.0,0.2172267584299907,0.0,0.07717221117223277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408710004899588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537014667163766,0.0,0.126904783569997,0.13071106683811726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074554479324055,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whorica_Slutstein,2018/04/05,"Everything I do is wrong. I’m literally good for nothing. Everyone hates me. People can only stand me for ~4 before I do something that absolutely fucks it up. I’m always doing the wrong thing. I’m such a fucking idiot and now I’m alone. I deserve it. I try to make friends, but everyone thinks I’m stupid. I’m a mistake of a human being and there’s nothing good about me. I’ve always said I’d kill myself on my 18th birthday because I know it would only be downhill from there. My birthday is on May 2nd and I can’t wait. For a second I actually thought I was worth something, that I could have a great future. I was just being stupid. All my dreams are unachievable and stupid. I hate who I am.  
",0.2182236842105283,2.5897538194444465,2.6074561403508767,89.86736842105266,90.66666666666669,4.976023391812865,21.46783625730994,6.5966054737557815,0.5908805555555556,546,20,112,7,19,186,88,144,0.243,0.624,0.133,-0.9612,0,1,2,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,16,9,0,6,0,18,2,0,1,1,16,34,5,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,12,0,1,4,1,19,4,10,24,1,6,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,1,2,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.15078395381977774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003051923774514,0.0,0.0,0.2571370386488321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419066177129484,0.0,0.13148053814888752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233673295843662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952906304753146,0.1388677530757748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937759130119155,0.28569250292135784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25919901951195085,0.0,0.17035288432317294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051023427657387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094750396939706,0.0,0.08491717943513089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313969068702898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965218386281309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350306214190416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712096361993137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697876147728908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237905765261368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265262984079213,0.09900671220127204,0.0,0.12266732743497535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490526607736993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976273366318803,0.3378749027881999,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,432370,2018/04/05,no more fake why can't I have anything real ,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,35,1,8,0,1,12,10,10,0.482,0.518,0.0,-0.6801,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929351258818603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6818058130093724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405143800293043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpoobyHead,2018/04/05,"I feel like there’s nobody there. This is probably going to sound so stupid but honestly it really just has me feeling like maybe I am worthless. 
FaceTiming this person I like tonight and for some reason “nice guys finish last” was brought up early on but was never expanded on. 
Fast forward to the end of the conversation, she proceeds to tell me that I am a super nice guy and that I won’t always finish last and there’s someone out there for me but it’s just not her. And that just really broke me. She isn’t the first to do this, it happens oh too often. I guess just hearing it this time just really made me feel worthless. 
I just wish I could disappear. 
See how the world wouldn’t change without me. 
If I don’t know, I just know that later in life I will just pass away alone. 
I could be in a crowded place and just feel like the only person left alive on earth. ",3.0661743341404346,4.547875734463278,4.007380952380951,88.84995762711864,74.14124293785311,7.0910411622276035,22.812348668280872,7.7094869923839395,0.8814280871670697,683,18,144,9,14,220,99,177,0.099,0.71,0.191,0.9582,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,17,12,1,0,7,0,15,1,0,3,1,38,29,11,0,5,15,0,4,4,0,3,1,2,0,4,12,6,0,0,7,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,4,7,21,8,16,19,1,29,0,3,1,0,11,12,0,4,18,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470926376087193,0.0,0.0,0.11625942265813415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127288288713174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780674660022716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311238532915745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123751715513251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825894127850098,0.2994510526519605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884697703008112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940690858322783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391890754151227,0.276692365457493,0.12355519916263155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747620631889528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357448785692998,0.22778322773523466,0.0,0.0,0.15180774257672935,0.0,0.09868937810311627,0.273043332495985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322077954431379,0.0,0.0,0.14036895632925864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776178041319068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626444364740834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399872683862586,0.14597915621948682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064333329878962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685273775993438,0.14365690067030096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133988996119974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838551427443918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212268834146747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147268947643431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606727491031492,0.13468647260445468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hdkaowteu,2018/04/05,"Telling my parents I’m suicidal Hi. 14F here. 

I want to die - why else would I be here? I burst into tears at sports practice, there’s a voice in my head constantly harassing me, I fantasize about my death and how it would affect others every day. I want people to miss me. I want everybody to realize how much (or little) I mean(t) to them. 

I know this isn’t healthy or normal. I’m seeing a therapist now, which is neat. My parents brought me to therapy at my request but I didn’t tell them what for. I don’t want to give them the burden.  I don’t want to explain why I feel so bad to them. 

My parents lead very busy, stressful lives as it is. They work in law, which is a tiring field to be in. The family dog is sick and lethargic right now.  They’re redoing the house and have to make a lot of decisions. There’s so much stuff on their plates right now, I don’t want to distract them from it and add more to worry about. I don’t want to break my mom’s heart. 

I’ve told them before I felt like I want to end my life but quickly took it back saying I would never do it and I was being hyperbolic. But that was months ago, and now it’s getting worse. Sometimes I really do think about doing it, ideas like hanging myself on a basketball hoop structure at school or tying my feet to a heavy concrete block or rock to drown myself in the pool pop into my head often. I’m starting to get scared I will really do it someday. It gets overwhelming sometimes at school and I spend my lunch period crying. I used to blame it on just being a dumb angsty teenager but it hurts a lot now. 

I told my therapist (my first time going was two days ago) and she listened. It was nice, the thing is I can only see her like once a month since her schedule is so busy. It got worse after I talked to her about it and it kinda sucks that I have to wait until May to discuss it more. 

I have a meeting with a psychologist for medicine, which I’m kinda worried about. I don’t want any scary side effects, who knows maybe I’m just being dramatic and I don’t really need it. 

I don’t want to tell my friends, I’m sure they have a lot to deal with too in their lives and I don’t want to scare them away. It’s not like therapy anyways where they’re bound by law not to tell anybody. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel good. ",0.8379491055681498,2.82396383127572,2.578986310573616,94.23822751322751,82.49794238683128,5.778046527252878,20.000671873687747,6.956979308442209,0.2284950533299739,1786,49,407,22,49,589,225,486,0.183,0.726,0.092,-0.9956,3,0,0,0,0,3,51.0,0,0,11,4,27,21,3,5,17,0,42,8,4,7,2,76,87,26,4,16,12,4,3,4,1,5,3,3,0,0,30,16,1,3,12,3,1,5,15,12,0,2,11,8,67,9,56,66,7,49,0,3,2,0,37,20,2,11,27,265,97,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699415253658056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048711932746531635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730023013369077,0.05508026572224424,0.059809379696386736,0.0,0.0,0.06095320116116621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740829356523794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868393029261701,0.09239289011841488,0.07384901667235012,0.0,0.0,0.07434227391668569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059838995977108525,0.0,0.0634443210989864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035269806644618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675278813422291,0.0,0.07243816123901095,0.0,0.06877755294857534,0.0,0.0,0.06092978785035871,0.0,0.0,0.05534238328472025,0.0,0.1122736367948392,0.06871554149052564,0.04070987933167455,0.060081173227319436,0.057290320541680616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702933960422035,0.0,0.0,0.08488377066901005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265322926501997,0.07668309105011806,0.08086333810585887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810053395782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059550542362337,0.13998229268149154,0.07179366439157543,0.12650400016371233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826958307216497,0.0,0.0,0.04781463783657424,0.0,0.0719635529959946,0.07802779333286704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389404418972682,0.11435129218496368,0.0,0.10531491098361312,0.05311391110481603,0.05524669270545069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018374244986149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628529802238157,0.0,0.0544790466637969,0.0,0.0,0.23861518746454224,0.0,0.0,0.04966032034877925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376670787764337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234596087404916,0.0,0.0569643098300617,0.14343142149453966,0.14498997231311853,0.11416219485163885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059254385623075674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169093427244212,0.0,0.050701203086177406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205373623264989,0.0,0.08200102475297219,0.07835332545305515,0.0,0.06751191919001016,0.0,0.0,0.05757475300593829,0.2504366430953556,0.0,0.16383391567798564,0.1663395775794993,0.04758884078587472,0.045898625987338834,0.0,0.0,0.0417689520545469,0.08232996715070721,0.0,0.13689409439431735,0.07958532430704165,0.0,0.0,0.06997364805009558,0.0,0.0,0.061866688688898,0.0,0.059103557786510226,0.4647517987704921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292727240352588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052148645503738524,0.1454906990978203,0.14599740533346692,0.15265506391666114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_saved_latin_,2018/04/05,"anniversary   Yesterday was the four-year anniversary of my beginning to self-harm. April 3rd has always been the day of relapse for me. 
  Last November I was hospitalized after an overdose. The EMT taking me to the hospital told me that I need to think about what my death would have done to my family. As if that wasn't the one thing preventing me from a serious attempt this whole time. The doctors and nurses kept asking me why I did it, and I had no reason to give them. How is it that being done with this fucked up world isn't enough? I ended up lying through my teeth to get released.
   I have been diagnosed with MD and anxiety. I have a support network of family and friends, and three different counselors. It seems like none of this helps me in a time of crisis. I'm awful at asking people for help.
  I just want to die. How is this such a big thing to ask for? Death is inevitable, anyways. It's the final goal. How is it that the one thing I'm willing to fight for is the only thing my body is fighting against?",2.707254901960784,4.646792862745098,3.869215686274512,87.50813725490197,76.25490196078431,7.2784313725490195,24.568627450980397,8.167268648758528,1.4516980392156866,800,27,163,14,18,260,119,204,0.17800000000000002,0.752,0.069,-0.9753,1,0,0,0,3,1,22.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,3,0,14,1,23,5,2,4,0,20,40,10,3,4,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,18,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,11,0,20,3,30,26,3,16,0,0,0,1,11,6,1,2,11,124,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480863650397005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055526887390417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386972033209448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326230266156346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889843080279401,0.0,0.0,0.14004462813397126,0.14319923953502042,0.14415750139102146,0.0,0.1412261910168328,0.0,0.2823985207063792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220743401489352,0.14256801791568244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601465020145945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511480063388774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660135590295483,0.12755831245533614,0.0720877394149027,0.13236094038108087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496730835421105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247037529016096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674090151009599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230883827234184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699474386455173,0.10493838353117202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565647826403917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418642249655931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256098658243159,0.14394100460747028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657564560980386,0.0,0.0,0.10374218260445298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666654489760453,0.08841064431867017,0.0,0.0,0.16091200484636728,0.0,0.0,0.13184376251438376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138291941045463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450356169637394,0.15404735832610902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801551621685264,0.0,0.0,0.08885322100531404
suicidewatch,wannabeheretic,2018/04/05,"Not gonna kms but wouldn’t mind death rn this past year in its entirety has been a night mare for me. my birthday is next week and i want to completely forget about it, my age is my biggest insecurity because i feel that i have accomplished nothing going on my last year as a teenager... everyone around me has their life complete and i’m struggling to get by everyday with a smile on my face. life fuckin’ sucks",3.2097038327526164,5.121151085365856,4.088327526132404,86.61573170731708,74.73170731707317,7.612543554006969,27.567944250871076,8.418075326091056,1.883872473867596,327,13,67,6,7,105,65,82,0.203,0.7040000000000001,0.093,-0.905,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,2,2,3,0,7,4,1,0,0,11,14,4,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,11,0,11,11,0,15,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,9,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645591208275954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413748702675166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863225677410234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216072898820175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726455160274755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211674201402955,0.0,0.13180416686391191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890438696889194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276206438779884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417075298438544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24664709266401735,0.21763904002992493,0.0,0.2225312768760751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213916756128536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245072264615905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679106139943414,0.0,0.18603038057652785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986947752212004
suicidewatch,Kleopatra08206,2018/04/05,"tired of the same shit so fed up. i never catch a break. everyone in my family is either very sick or dying, even my dog died. significant over is a waste of time although i don't even know what he is right now. i have no friends, haven't for years. i turn my phone off for a week and i turn it on and all i get is reminders of apps that i need to turn the notification off on. sometimes I say how I want friends, but I am never in the mood to have a real conversation, it seems to tiring, schools a bust, am not cut out for post secondary school. i am not cut out for anything. ",1.5968548387096784,2.8193669112903237,3.4250322580645154,92.59254838709681,77.46774193548387,6.572903225806452,22.07741935483871,7.1686216300943375,0.3856187096774195,443,12,108,5,10,149,78,124,0.105,0.8,0.094,-0.3081,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,8,0,11,5,1,1,3,19,20,7,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,1,14,2,20,19,3,20,0,0,0,0,6,11,1,2,6,75,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503579680926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153848183368061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200713281875602,0.0,0.0,0.1451876463326848,0.0,0.0,0.14323794167001044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23478092045096716,0.0,0.0793837267345264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350366820343512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126634976468613,0.23437496897316734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455189906175371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294392024974853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975813292900756,0.0,0.12083083796689773,0.0,0.30754800512207725,0.0,0.13832281806435226,0.0,0.0,0.1559668746670686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027509656069554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859894015755529,0.34927128759338605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.495809686160198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536854102988187,0.08961967024869613,0.0,0.12187917246160668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784603974292697
suicidewatch,mylifeispointless17,2018/04/05,"Idk what to do I have no friends at all everyone that ever meets me ends up hating me...

The world would be better without me... think about it no one wants me here including my parents so being alive is just wasting everyone's time...

I have been cutting for a while now and normally after I cut I get tired fast and fall asleep but today i still can't fall asleep my arm now just feels strange when I move my fingers 

Idk if to tell people but if I do I will have to go to a hospital and it's just wasting more people's time..

I really don't know anymore ",1.3192074592074619,3.1779601282051324,3.08125874125874,91.91601398601401,80.19658119658119,6.305827505827506,22.602175602175606,7.348242739294969,0.7645965811965816,433,14,96,6,11,144,77,117,0.181,0.767,0.052000000000000005,-0.8611,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,3,0,3,0,13,5,4,0,2,19,20,10,0,5,8,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,1,2,16,2,10,15,2,19,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,12,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663659352526356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842770075982849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454463457217735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847305769475556,0.0,0.3981927804960317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535280197952428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609779996494476,0.0,0.1088592165828166,0.0,0.11841548108017096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571182703323015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450890851744078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214531284065214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414802899552856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118976047396584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135851936120755,0.0,0.0,0.2889004252154932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348040352725382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663961315392946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182115349265884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350832688370928,0.0,0.0,0.2429921499622541,0.2394785449506428,0.19750040244002331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289580616829708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085108125990533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801258015480434,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dannydaft,2018/04/05,I told my parents I'm suicidal and now they won't talk to me I told my Dad about my plan to off myself and now he and my stepmom won't speak to me. I'm in my college town and I've called them a number of times now to just talk. I feel like they really just don't care. Any advice or thoughts because I just don't know what to do and it's making me feel worse.,-1.5300000000000011,0.27640409523809595,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,91.38095238095238,4.312380952380953,15.542857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-0.9640914285714284,280,6,74,2,10,96,49,84,0.131,0.8220000000000001,0.047,-0.8267,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,15,6,1,0,4,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,16,2,9,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,5,45,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337567712652203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267345787294565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582239643508332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442638416282044,0.0,0.2438942182794057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190717769347614,0.17089425087435287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314655441513471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686768676358013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967694228621893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656184050277497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324636406414685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616608635427281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845416771447491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990888602405506,0.13948737977197614,0.0,0.0,0.4571577115074461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437791053134114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iactuallywishtodie,2018/04/05,I’m starting to feel hopeless I’m not quite at the stage of being suicidal but I’m damn near close. I have problems that no one seems to understand and I can’t talk about them to anybody I know for fear they will think it’s dumb. Fucking hell.,-0.14379120879120674,2.1526601153846165,1.3763736263736277,98.42576923076923,92.07692307692308,4.509890109890111,20.89010989010989,6.18269132825596,0.09032637362637352,194,7,44,2,7,62,43,52,0.457,0.5429999999999999,0.0,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,2,1,1,7,4,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,14,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,5,0,8,12,0,5,1,1,0,1,3,3,4,1,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585203619176592,0.16109678199622232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945461411298351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509754202498354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589569176901385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048629423818307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388767312921993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900469640451164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22551098815361476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34850328537583475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560834586311657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041498795147889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33168011386251184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway69789,2018/04/05,"I'm seriously considering suicide in the coming days. Throwaway
I'm a junior in highschool. I have depression with borderline tendencies. It's struck me recently exactly how pointless everything I do is. I'm normally a good student but I have a 50 and a 30 for this quarter because I can't muster up the motivation to do my schoolwork. None of my friends actually care about what I'm going through. My girlfriend is just using me to get to one of my friends but I'm so starved for affection I don't even care. I've started self harming again. I've attempted suicide before but this time I want to do it right. I've done so much wrong and I can't deal with it, I can't cope with it. I'm sorry if this didn't make any sense.",1.1917489143308335,3.5930904093959732,3.429577575996841,86.085132254244,84.50335570469798,6.995815238847218,28.227793130675092,8.124751697461798,2.2134118436636405,577,29,118,13,17,197,87,149,0.234,0.643,0.123,-0.959,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,5,1,19,28,9,2,3,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,2,0,14,5,16,26,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,73,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.17823635230897425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242056848775599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133943334414599,0.0,0.1554184707696981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724399642716237,0.0,0.0,0.15733353588564405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177916944364309,0.18830022083196196,0.15731291161039868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691048454240566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063609803212565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415063496181453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822240149822234,0.0,0.09542510541417128,0.0,0.10380204928398126,0.15319497396616566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191776233898348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342659786730623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895450471272872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237657976932061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034109613444801,0.0,0.0,0.15597886396168914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053982895807126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044574767729561,0.12927792633896876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39957061449276976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650247288581152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774768124466362,0.0,0.0,0.10772946587988276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969495653926464,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fawlow,2018/04/05,"I kinda want to kill myself tonight. But then I really don't. I tried to overdose in Feb 2018, it was scary, it was painful. 

I just want to die but I don't want to try again.",-1.5884615384615373,0.3069891282051316,0.7648205128205134,103.47184615384614,93.6153846153846,4.1456410256410265,15.492307692307696,5.6839178017228535,-1.0116092307692308,132,3,35,1,5,44,25,39,0.248,0.6709999999999999,0.081,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34948662971113065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725568344526266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583188688880597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157265346213464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572535186497031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5958601940869228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aug-00,2018/04/05,"tonight fuck it. i typed my whole story but i decided to give the basics cause i know nobody will care anyway. tonight im hanging myself from my bathroom door while i listen to my favorite song. i just cant do this anymore.
edit,
why am i so scared. i thought this is what i wanted. i pulled the song up with the belt around my neck, but as soon as i saw the cover i started bawling. i dont want to go on, but im too scared for it to end.",-0.14499999999999955,1.6966661666666667,2.043583333333334,97.50975,85.25,4.256666666666667,20.016666666666666,4.935628992294339,-0.4422758333333329,336,10,80,1,10,113,63,96,0.14400000000000002,0.77,0.086,-0.6712,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,4,0,6,2,1,1,0,12,17,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,4,17,1,12,14,1,12,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,6,54,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294924216433495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115054140127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189261813803957,0.2205814549156094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516557941355817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018238448087185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850956055713773,0.0,0.2059835349356624,0.12203301712610047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638791286915631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800710064876722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299538442022721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519832749716697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046745724747595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533004279855613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375567804567467,0.2397325020822239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onogomo,2018/04/05,"i dont get it I've failed. i wanted to get into a program that'll help me get into the grad school i want to go to... now my parents r telling me i have the tiniest chance to get into med school. i fucked up. i have a broken leg... 
what if i threw the future i wanted away? my parents are right.. i just always forget to care and i end up doing other shit 

if i threw away my future.. What's the point of working day by day and not getting a decent break? What kind of life is that? 

I'm so used to enjoying my free time as a teenager.. And i'll have to give it up to sustain myself. I dont want to live that life. I want to read but wont even get myself to do it. 

This is such a pathetic post i hate being the ignorant teenager but here.",-1.0600032092426162,0.8130886158536619,1.8068035943517344,97.48248395378693,89.67073170731706,4.18433889602054,16.558408215661107,5.399115186594226,-0.7614341463414633,559,13,136,3,19,195,87,164,0.152,0.763,0.085,-0.9388,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,3,0,10,0,13,5,2,1,0,20,33,9,0,7,6,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,0,1,1,3,4,5,0,0,2,0,22,5,23,28,0,23,0,1,0,1,5,11,2,2,7,92,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042109338580243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24936121182929866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530147249032365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116734221095656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110582689797466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175371374028226,0.0,0.0,0.08765032362278759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268352591469872,0.41599694491428457,0.1273026159312201,0.07541924316904391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101859794213566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894928574643672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381917144209482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874667667627287,0.0,0.0,0.11718084291618733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740520878958793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947061359167968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544900840214945,0.0,0.1270945948539038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274079478185394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133292449571441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268608852653807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621965533378147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598991690790875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738128443596226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461441092165504,0.0,0.0,0.3913638911616328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661073529939508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smoking_rapunzel,2018/04/05,"26 years old, 5’4”, 88 pounds. I can’t force anyone to hire me, so I’m starving to death. I commented on someone’s post just now and related to the empty apartment, job rejections (300 for me), etc. My apartment is so bare that I’ve had neighbors ask where my couch and wall decorations are. Well, there are none because I can’t afford to live. ",3.6956521739130466,4.807657115942033,4.670260869565219,86.1584347826087,72.04347826086956,7.838840579710146,28.29275362318841,8.238735603445708,1.7798962318840583,267,10,56,4,5,87,54,69,0.17,0.8,0.03,-0.8683,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,7,1,6,7,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,32,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370299159670251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169101919529785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066453546875616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37806381852149584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363955888075202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993346660620741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557133199902225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246590241384289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872254008645587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30479301174540024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829865396908732
suicidewatch,eman_5064,2018/04/05,"Where’s the off button for life? Honestly, if there was a button that would erase me from existence without anyone having any memories of me, I would have pressed it long ago.  ",6.801818181818181,7.350849939393942,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,64.75757575757576,10.236363636363636,31.65151515151515,10.125756701596842,3.130769696969697,140,5,25,3,2,44,30,33,0.0,0.906,0.094,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628885365557827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783908020032769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862463321533317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891555013005833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622862882339296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946253918395967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5816201941695927,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissionHendo,2018/04/05,"Life is just crushing me.. I can’t escape it, waking up to the same shit everyday, feeling like a burden to people I love. My fucking anxiety kicks in every time I want to do something productive, My depression making me feel worthless.. the thoughts of just ending it all just seem more and more appealing. 

I can’t hide the fact I’m not enjoying life, I want to just disappear and have everyone just forget they knew me. 

I just don’t fucking know what to do... ",3.139666666666667,5.2192829111111125,4.530833333333334,82.61625000000002,75.44444444444444,8.055555555555555,27.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4170000000000003,362,15,68,8,8,120,59,90,0.233,0.642,0.125,-0.8941,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,6,9,3,0,4,0,7,7,2,1,2,22,20,2,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,2,12,3,8,18,4,6,0,2,0,3,2,2,3,1,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132069358605726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414615224372126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099305755416231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199700720586342,0.2264840692330101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396902451892642,0.1693281087567082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382448607112297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302607422070975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348303958309755,0.11579666532490855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392103362295206,0.0,0.15821359999558196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432076901154133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215775346555358,0.0,0.0,0.243299022557406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824706246983081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881684863125637,0.13820906257158416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796026812740726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EnlightenedFixture,2018/04/05,"I think I’m ready Is it possible for life to be over at 23? 

I haven’t celebrated my own birthday since I was about 11, because it seems wrong to me to celebrate another year I shouldn’t be living, if that makes sense? 

I just feel like I am constantly drowning. From finance stress, to relationships and self image I really cannot win and I’m exhausted of losing at my own life. 

I have a job with the military and and I’m lucky to have it but it meant I had to move away from my entire family and everything I knew.

I am surrounded by so much debt that even with a steady pay check sometimes I can’t even feed myself. My mother opened up a few credit cards in my name when I was a child, and that has basically screwed me over since I was about 18. Recently got a letter from my power company saying that if they don’t receive $500 that I’m getting disconnected. I’m so fucking useless that I’ve been trying to pay off everything and not eating and sleeping because of it and I’m STILL not able to catch up.

I had a boyfriend that I met after basic training, he turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing and ended up putting me in the hospital. He got an assault charge, but he’s still in the military and I get to have panic attacks when I see him on the base they refuse to transfer me from.

I’m ashamed, I can’t talk to my family about it because they either don’t care or overreact, can’t talk to my coworkers about it because it’s humiliating. I tried a couple times recently to go to Mental Health on base, and all they did was schedule for a tentative appointment with a trauma specialist for July. 

I don’t think the world will necessarily benefit from me not being in it, I literally don’t think it will make a difference. 

I have friends, I go to the gym, I am a functioning person at work... I come  watch gore videos in the hopes that I can desensitize myself to blood enough to be fine and not chicken out when I’m ready to go. 


I’m just writing this so to get it off my chest before I take the plunge. At least I know my creditors will mourn me. 
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suicidewatch,azuvix,2018/04/05,"Am I just kidding myself? I think I've hit one of my lowest points yet, but if I had to give reasons for it, they would all come out in a garbled, incomprehensible mess. Reasoning through my issues isn't helping very much, either.

I guess a little background might help. I'm 28 and married, and I have a little girl. Not too long ago I was in graduate school for school psychology, but the pressure of that program was so intense, and they frankly didn't know what to do with me. I'm hard of hearing, deeply depressed, and have struggled for over half my life with intense OCD tendencies and high anxiety... All of this translated into a clumsy, humiliating few years in grad school, and it felt like every kind of embarrassment I could suffer, I did.  After another person in my program committed suicide, I took it as an exit call. I collected a useless Master's degree and left. 

Now I've taken a much lower-paying job locally, and more often than not, I flounder at it. Sometimes I think I'm inherently not good enough, other times I feel like I've failed everyone, and I'm not up to standards even when I'm feeling less depressed. It's never been more clear to me that I'm immature, moody, have no useful talents, and am not nearly as smart as I make myself out to be. And I genuinely don't believe it when people tell me otherwise. What is there to be happy about when you really think you have no worth? 

How many times can I mess up before I have to recognize that I'm not worth anyone's time? How long do I have to stumble all over myself to realize I'm not useful? And does my daughter really deserve to have such a loser for a father? Doesn't my wife deserve much better than what she has with me?

These are the questions that I ask myself every day, in-between thinking about all my worst and stupidest moments, and planning the least intrusive way to end my life. 

Sometimes, I wish it was obvious that no one cared about or valued me. I wouldn't have to think about any of this, I'd just kill myself quickly and stop my bitching... Instead I have to think about what it would do to the people I leave behind. I know it's delusional to think they'll ""get over it"". But I also can't see a future where anything gets better. It feels like nothing has been truly ""better"" for years...",5.717848246476564,5.87316711061947,6.4459685349065925,78.66527204195347,67.05309734513274,8.99718125204851,30.900032776138968,8.735056554316923,2.384892559816453,1802,64,344,26,27,594,226,452,0.204,0.6729999999999999,0.123,-0.993,4,0,0,0,0,3,62.0,0,2,3,7,24,27,2,3,14,0,39,2,0,7,8,77,76,30,2,6,15,3,5,3,0,5,2,1,0,3,24,22,0,1,17,0,2,2,17,15,0,3,11,7,50,12,56,56,15,46,0,6,1,0,20,22,1,6,24,250,74,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761402986419668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868980690472389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841121079460668,0.09006788077382366,0.06570906341112315,0.0,0.0,0.06005943704416804,0.0,0.07068386128436784,0.0,0.08029976994508575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308989976145927,0.0967736965575949,0.0,0.2279001361834284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770789610920511,0.0,0.08757517533457111,0.0,0.0,0.07399051290395099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685797752284035,0.0,0.0,0.055394851695901165,0.0,0.14796162751884573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516686266325319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760770391254383,0.0887519876711079,0.0,0.05673251235271285,0.0,0.14473965494762442,0.08207588319078339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029253204924954,0.12272610715885394,0.08247219760547274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975267038605174,0.08239783873396853,0.0,0.07204423795765136,0.0,0.0,0.09462248424286697,0.0,0.0,0.09143630082139988,0.07694460764396792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968093529835986,0.0,0.11514655608328525,0.09075226349234222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896515501145972,0.08523704531343539,0.0,0.09502954661963874,0.0894459121356941,0.09441075037145463,0.0,0.0,0.0909498816384132,0.09332463411642693,0.0,0.12133966221117985,0.12589115352715774,0.1721777243499806,0.0,0.15202787303136978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733525097993105,0.08708354929636468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112049904547527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942703928280485,0.0,0.06624713969192092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241809688165272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640868298978507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909687324926665,0.07499977115982538,0.0,0.0,0.08119807348846128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622150668747716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005244238244744,0.17662771958524395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607894829369738,0.06844680196690445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990372918556926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718116546744227,0.0,0.08979558931487082,0.0,0.09395465035869867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507558582541593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852641265900307,0.0,0.0,0.15025733483968612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954319587039325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837055277503153,0.0,0.07087196458705235,0.0,0.06817906228091966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877444501852707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203398790323627,0.0,0.0,0.1106264938026386
suicidewatch,kotufo,2018/04/06,"trapped in my own mind I'm 19 years old and i've been suffering with social anxiety since i was a kid. As such i've never had friends irl, just a couple internet friends that i used to play some games with. I stay from 7:30 am  to 6:00 pm at school and im always alone. No one ever talks to me, i dont have and ever had friends, colleagues, talked to girls irl or anything. I just feel tired all day long and lay at my bed . To make things worse i will probably fail at school due to the fact that im always missing classes.
I come from a rich family and i always here that ""i have no reason to be sad because there are many people that would do everything they could to have the life that i have"" 
One of the internet friends i had was a girl and i started liking her a lot, something that wasnt mutual probably due to the fact that she has a life outside of the internet. 
Nothing gives me pleasure, i see no point in living in this world anymore, everything just feel empty and my head seems its about to explode. I've been feeling like this for a long time and my mind wont rest when i am awake, i wish i could die in a non painful way.",2.6440416666666664,3.7110993208333376,3.77,91.78166666666668,74.54166666666666,7.166666666666668,25.0,7.594959193182576,0.9884999999999996,887,28,203,11,18,288,134,240,0.213,0.726,0.061,-0.9872,0,2,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,1,10,14,0,0,13,0,24,5,1,3,6,36,37,11,1,4,4,0,3,2,4,3,4,0,1,3,11,11,0,0,5,2,1,1,7,5,0,2,8,4,25,9,26,23,5,25,0,4,1,0,15,9,0,4,15,128,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018089946172284,0.0,0.0,0.2655580042313244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138284777272489,0.0,0.1055035366573598,0.0,0.0,0.08754429943556831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485020410037136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163969680427313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698766385629557,0.11771097427858986,0.0,0.06860835551335913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040895358962073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246803042441964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924593685192766,0.0,0.0,0.19122069981396989,0.0,0.10028860195311036,0.0,0.1613716092001396,0.07600017089086537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32876554916624684,0.0,0.0,0.10205244784166184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091798426213559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298241973583841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028318386980216,0.10394690424293476,0.0,0.09393830419170053,0.18829154770799428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904431822902873,0.0,0.0,0.0710116041879366,0.10785585531104884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148333872439888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204927303854093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020775382274253,0.0,0.1116312604145616,0.0,0.14417600305618386,0.0,0.1131992127940544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737527077901696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005664989136241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939813982055104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937963554215076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153309319273668,0.08477362750021304,0.09684725904430344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800127259453239,0.0,0.0,0.10844426319687316,0.0,0.08189897567189937,0.0,0.0,0.07529856814378781,0.11339032386436328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101355386816536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706762631393255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203289253764002,0.12227182521164776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188091781872383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444202304603163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233541623448888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108413557323607,0.07557156459900509,0.0,0.0,0.0685072852769227
suicidewatch,RagingRufus,2018/04/06,"i’m not gonna put too much effort into this this is a cry for help, loneliness has driven me crazy and i just want to die, i don’t know what to do.",2.5265714285714296,1.4920132285714305,4.720714285714287,92.38678571428574,73.85714285714286,8.142857142857144,20.357142857142858,7.1686216300943375,0.07814285714285685,113,1,31,1,2,40,30,35,0.311,0.5870000000000001,0.102,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945233274222725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672363026185414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30175942812737383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474180297720769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330948644870143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525751330086333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26553949926769155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snowbears94,2018/04/06,I would do anything to smile.. All I want to do is smile. Smile back at people that smile at me at work. Smile at pets walking by trying to get my attention. Smile at myself in the mirror. But I can't. I won't. I'm too ashamed of my crooked teeth. It is my own fault. I hate myself every waking day. I just want to be normal and smile like everybody else. People want to talk to me but I act like I don't care. Truth is I do. I'm just too ashamed. I was also overweight at one point. But I figured of I lost weight I would feel more confident. It didn't help at all. Made it worse. Yes I feel healthier. More confident  in a way but now more people want to talk to me and I hate it. I think I will kill my self someday. Maybe not now. But someday. The liquor helps. Thanks for ready,-1.9487500000000004,-0.2597745654761869,0.2904285714285706,102.95457142857144,107.15476190476193,3.4304761904761905,13.933333333333335,5.46131890053228,-1.1237395238095234,595,14,146,5,30,195,86,168,0.17600000000000002,0.5760000000000001,0.248,0.7282,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,3,2,3,1,15,5,2,1,3,26,31,8,1,7,8,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,5,2,3,0,5,1,0,2,5,7,0,1,4,3,26,5,21,22,6,17,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,0,6,93,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591877197236787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957417428088158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107516179575592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053849952860516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154711468055702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153560580406012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326648044883042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592305697366733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226508812237703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109135286827911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108099719898246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420348594127252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385164280451016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188355171081365,0.0,0.0,0.14899017188627742,0.0,0.0,0.15818730552835272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542749996051111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669733305063604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274837861918289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884831041046329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426259894632048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531168811238856,0.0,0.144965787028011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089246111562716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690336284492416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714902473733727,0.12498250007528534,0.0,0.19174091637083185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463099549363255,0.0,0.16046272871711406,0.22370669809831045,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_mintaka_,2018/04/06,"I don't know if I can do this any more I'm twenty-one and I've been dealing with a messed up head for eight years. Years of therapy and medications haven't done anything, neither has diets or vitamins or exercise or anything else that I've tried. I had to move back in with my parents because I can't take care of myself with day to day life, much less hold a job. My dad is always working and my mom tells me to get over myself and shape up so that I'll stop being a burden on my family, then turns around and says she loves me and wants to do whatever she can to help me. When I tried to take her up on that, she told me that what I said would help me would be an inconvenience for her and she won't do it. I've always had a history of self-harm, and it's been getting worse and worse. I've tried to overdose before but it didn't work, and I've started taking too many pills and cutting a little too deep in the last couple days. Not enough to be dangerous, but close. Nothing has been able to help me, I've isolated myself from everyone, I'm not interested in anything any more, and I've only gotten worse over the years. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There's no light anywhere. I just want to be done with all this. I can't keep living like I am and there's no hope for things getting better.",4.080901260504201,3.9692789178571455,5.162100840336137,87.38878151260504,70.53571428571428,8.30252100840336,25.756302521008397,7.928766900206844,1.1680609243697475,1027,26,235,12,17,340,146,280,0.142,0.7909999999999999,0.067,-0.9535,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,10,10,2,0,10,0,29,8,1,0,1,38,49,22,0,6,9,3,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,11,19,1,3,1,1,0,1,12,4,0,1,11,4,28,6,34,31,7,30,0,0,0,1,18,16,0,5,14,154,39,3,0.1058212232518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610346981389255,0.0,0.0,0.14392412115118192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612455505509915,0.09420332409627304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136998872634564,0.0,0.06450763549721357,0.0,0.09004606688590767,0.0,0.0,0.09359027249572434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789178972003607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170891707762825,0.0,0.20473780387810706,0.10909703457828562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165837034611245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840005334409218,0.0,0.09372619439797487,0.1093416114151512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111671368599053,0.0,0.0,0.09975883143410706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586166461743165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860310447999406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278920599008924,0.0,0.0,0.10510435180794372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501123559479764,0.0940587654177079,0.0,0.0,0.05815657683511784,0.0862584207207405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474465948811418,0.05169890444437785,0.106060665931143,0.09344207886602302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550778552114814,0.0,0.0,0.10728611107957184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066037494688646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393653771297515,0.0,0.11247121332563828,0.07779077503607522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153831772427574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048180876994128,0.0,0.0,0.11750194532366745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066021612875356,0.08415328408272829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039461460286774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490080647647103,0.0,0.0,0.0884712809992184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386931708148829,0.0,0.09249241338129223,0.0,0.1210157911994871,0.0,0.07030291861287533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111671368599053,0.0,0.21553699290133427,0.11510310356874855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248321984145318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407822170399307,0.0,0.3235226011608249,0.1503447216777174,0.0,0.0,0.2044361948672132
suicidewatch,Heyitsalexis23,2018/04/06,"Looking for someone to relate to. I'm alexis, and I haven't told anyone abut my depression. Well that's if it's actually depression. Anyways I just want someone to talk to. No one else would understand just comment something.",3.18,6.156255095238098,4.5431428571428585,77.45185714285714,81.38095238095238,7.1695238095238105,32.20952380952381,8.238735603445708,3.2025752380952386,182,10,29,4,5,60,33,42,0.218,0.705,0.077,-0.802,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,3,1,5,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2604472861876438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866165143025152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597459539587097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295332904541296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412136779550693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808523666157942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522720510599463,0.20546586477224546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145170159030066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550259540078672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27784312442700004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741932926354618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23996721765536574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959183243916736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fl333r,2018/04/06,"seems like life has been a series of failures with nothing to show for it I just spent about 10 minutes typing and deleting this section. Parents will be devastated if I kill myself but each day they try to encourage me to do better and say how well other people's children are doing and it's the truth and each time I hear it I fantasize about my own death. I think they know I'm depressed but they think it's a phase. I'm not sure if I'm depressed either. Sometimes I'm full of passion and hope and other times I eat my lunch and think that I'll amount to more than the cost of all the expenses I incurred over the course of my life. The only joy seems to come from escapism. Drawing, writing, singing, procrastinating and evading responsibility. Even in college I like to think I have an above-average work ethic when it comes to academics but lately it's been so hard. The one focus of my life right now is schools
 and I can't get that right. Constantly blaming myself or blaming the world. Then again luck is such a huge factor when it comes to happiness. Physics determines chemistry and chemistry determines biology and each of those determines how we react to the world as a person since decisions, instincts and hormones are all physical, chemical and biological reactions to external stimuli. In that sense it makes no logical sense for souls to exist and consciousness is merely a biproduct of biology. Make your own purpose, Camus says, and pursue it. A good ideal. Who on earth isnt chasing their own happiness? Better to try than to never find out. You try, you get discouraged, you try, you get more discouraged... there's a breaking point for everybody. Some are weaker, and in a perfect world that would be fine. Finite love and finite resources is the norm. Natural selection, blind to circumstance.",4.630314311870613,6.904659377581125,5.154806225205982,78.92575221238937,71.7433628318584,8.09769097752009,30.27372596887397,8.841846274778883,2.7143776014647547,1455,63,252,29,29,465,195,339,0.122,0.685,0.193,0.9856,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,5,4,5,14,24,1,0,18,0,19,8,0,5,6,65,42,30,2,5,9,1,1,2,0,2,4,3,0,2,18,26,2,2,11,2,3,3,5,5,1,1,3,5,27,19,37,35,15,30,1,4,1,2,20,15,0,8,13,173,45,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060743426491851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30107028253412305,0.0,0.1258980311714453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513460395781016,0.0,0.20068721089118985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192113478015844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694893508430592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648135786398298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260355801559575,0.0,0.0,0.09771693795853044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480385826212586,0.1043635364122907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130701090716584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571346909680275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889297707218386,0.0,0.06402683752508173,0.0,0.13142012094999586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468679088083752,0.11383466961852172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514823599882732,0.0,0.15553291482202916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985406498449933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178748346784734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894524514391779,0.08860555373551647,0.0,0.0,0.12936246202126125,0.0,0.0,0.08076830364417492,0.1017256645789852,0.0,0.0,0.11013270921247216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898533976646926,0.0,0.18529524742980769,0.0,0.11790695294451865,0.0,0.21211936646044002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963722379686835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522415001119456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098024167069994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986009058789272,0.0,0.0,0.13586732339810845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31639074549301194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474991938895804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084815353688751,0.0,0.0,0.08276017598924536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whiskybottlebaby,2018/04/06,I hate being aromantic I want to just die because 95% of people move the other way and I'm the bad guy. I went to r/aromantic and they are just bullies.,-0.4631818181818197,1.6377807878787929,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,89.6060606060606,5.724242424242425,20.37121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.6728848484848484,118,4,26,2,4,42,25,33,0.305,0.659,0.036000000000000004,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30390100605899145,0.2218736530000964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777449615876687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360389016414112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593465108711668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38684411179495787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523320153430309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467982558019336,0.28890364155128506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337405234367226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,disturbingthings_79,2018/04/06,"What is wrong with me? There are so many good things in my life, and I appreciate them, but at the same time, I feel like I don't deserve these things. I have a good family, a good life, I'm in school, I'm the citizen of a very privileged country, and I get good grades. Yet I can't stop complaining. I can't stop cutting. I can't stop feeling like I don't deserve good things. And I've tried meditation and I'm taking medication and going to therapy, but I don't feel like I'm sick enough to be treated. I don't feel like I'm deserving of anything. I've tried to strangle myself a few times, and I've slit my wrist and worried the hell out of my parents. I feel like I should kill myself because I can't really cope with anything. And as I'm writing this, I feel like I'm complaining about nothing but shit I do to myself. I've tried taking a bath earlier today but all I could think about was drowning myself. I'm thinking about ending everything right now. I don't want to hurt my mom because she already lost my brother seven years ago to a car accident, and now she might lose her daughter to suicide. I haven't made a plan yet, but I don't know. 
",3.2584168482207723,4.027514497942388,4.795405470830306,86.14128540305012,72.7448559670782,8.022173807794724,27.874364560639076,8.313332769828598,1.7267048656499642,905,33,198,14,17,305,115,243,0.157,0.601,0.242,0.9561,1,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,1,3,9,23,4,0,10,0,20,6,2,1,1,37,44,16,3,3,5,4,6,6,0,2,4,0,1,1,6,12,0,3,9,1,0,2,11,10,0,1,3,6,34,13,20,37,4,20,1,3,0,0,12,5,2,1,19,115,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474888905995302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055035219521008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735106967432458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656097598110225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633355616213736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467847728269604,0.09878648351982283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592444583369506,0.0,0.09012876278185747,0.0,0.29004738728187873,0.40980537609683937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995015281690486,0.0,0.05433505367312653,0.4009485935163213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234812621484687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577379715511663,0.0,0.05254251921785375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505859255507938,0.2802493710740983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695858143636316,0.1043651671763314,0.0,0.0,0.09046464331097157,0.0,0.09692940781554467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631291695595096,0.0,0.101422784024072,0.0,0.11197251057331868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173646904118866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615907187604484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124760735510287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164694246108263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675830605531753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813811399971437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397925171202257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457737074762737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376752320743225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933371392869301,0.0,0.19054899651818846,0.1225208400263874,0.0,0.0,0.11149717410182756,0.0,0.09062324342353012,0.0,0.0,0.19473045368169348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888490551491575,0.056390855008524324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709246347814704,0.0,0.0,0.10453007678229,0.0,0.061567084826246364
suicidewatch,OutrageousVegetable,2018/04/06,"Monday. I'm finally ready. Everyone says to hang on, that it gets better. I don't think it does. I never asked to be born. I never asked to be abused and left scarred. I have tried so hard for so long. I've given all I can to the people I love and I'm simply tired. I'm tired of the voices that scream in my head and the nightmares that leave me afraid to sleep. I'm tired of everything. 
  
I'm done.  
  
Monday is the 25th anniversary of my fathers suicide. I have a gun. Everything has been taken care of. I've said my goodbyes. Now I just need to have the guts to finally just do it. ",-0.8041508538899436,1.3387898467741977,1.5288994307400363,97.09276091081594,94.08064516129032,4.853130929791272,16.165085388994306,6.522977012572876,-0.3111493358633779,447,11,104,6,17,150,71,124,0.188,0.715,0.097,-0.871,0,0,0,1,1,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,6,0,12,7,3,0,3,10,27,5,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,5,12,3,14,20,1,13,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,9,61,18,0,0.0,0.17982595860246686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837741740446125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342307143892072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474249219129255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281740646565138,0.1553162762827467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450254214761423,0.2728072257063055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33251938364824635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792950276336965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595862414229773,0.0,0.1557626867674875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070548868973114,0.16490159923568656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343141584675125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698088421337354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125376135223852,0.23411309100572855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522015461787404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437069538559005,0.12069582809622198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188241582749734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601481748592326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972498866140416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233215460013552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304377354234584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeHowYouAre,2018/04/06,I want to be dead before the end of 2018 im on a cruise ship rn i could get it out of the way pretty easily,-2.6255555555555574,-1.2309542962962965,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,91.96296296296295,5.0814814814814815,9.0,6.42735559955562,-1.5602,82,0,24,1,3,31,23,27,0.142,0.629,0.228,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596233892033173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374322755802308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37432097649790586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080451348012425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565083377800638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299623290056993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492756198469821,0.33546065229517896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlpacasAreCool42,2018/04/06,"Lost I have no one, my depression has pushed away the only one I ever trusted, I don't know how much longer I  can carry on.",8.642222222222221,3.7917354444444484,9.362222222222227,76.03000000000002,64.92592592592592,12.281481481481485,34.407407407407405,8.841846274778883,2.652362962962963,95,2,22,1,1,33,23,27,0.28,0.614,0.106,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,5,1,2,5,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578822999198569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280816399401061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445595393500841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093409915073936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158138570581569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001644633160416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162358951977896,0.2897031180837005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeattleSkald,2018/04/06,"Lost the only source of joy in my life yesterday Last night I was kicked from the community orchestra I've been a part of since september last year. 
The entire duration of my time with them, I carpooled with a girl and we became good friends. Last weekend we had a huge performance at a convention. The night of Friday, after a long day of con and a rehearsal that went until 11pm, I opened up to her about my frustrations in life. She seemed to empathize and then under the context of another topic, it came out that she had broken up with her boyfriend weeks ago. Up to this point, I had firmly respected her boundaries to remain just friends, but immediately after this revelation I found myself considering the idea of asking her out. I'm only human.
On Sunday, I was prepared to give her a plushie of her favorite pokemon and ask her out after our performance. Before I could, she was informed that her friend had managed to get her a job interview that same day, so I kept quiet so as not to add to the things on her mind. The next day, I sent her a couple fb msgs asking to meet up. No response. I was prepared to write it off as her being busy, but then she started talking in the orchestra's group chat, while the sign next to my message remained delivered but not read. Clearly she was ghosting me, and I am still bewildered as to why. We had a great time at the con. Sure I may have been the stereotypical nice guy for driving her around, but I always made her laugh with jokes and kept the social awkwardness to a minimum with the rest of the group.
So the next day, Tue, after still no response, I assumed she was upset with me and asked one of her friends if she knew why. Well the friend was unhelpful but must have prompted carpool girl to respond because she did, trying to reassure me that nothing was wrong. Problem was I could sense passive aggressiveness in her writing, which stuck out immediately because she had always been polite, if not sweet, with me. I tried to call her out on it, because it seemed at the time that's what a self-respecting man should do. Well now I know I should have let her have her space or just gave up on her.
On Wed, she actually had a brief exchange with me. I tried to make my worries about her known in a humorous way, but probably came across resentful.
I think the situation might still have been salvaged at this point, with me retaining my place in the orchestra if not repairing my relationship with carpool girl. Well, I threw it all away last night. My friend, who recently landed a job, invited me out for drinks to celebrate. He knew I was feeling down too. What a great guy. Well I got way more drunk than I've ever been and sent a few pitiful texts. When I got home, our conductor had messaged me on fb warning me that she had received complaints of harassment. Normally I would have probably taken a step back and reined myself in. Well drunk me decided sending a few nasty messages accusing carpool girl was the right course of action. And almost immediately, conductor replied back that that constituted repeat offense, so I was out of the group
Anyway thanks to anyone who read this far. It is already helping with my thoughts to have my side of the story out, even if you're complete strangers. God knows how they are maligning my name at this very moment. Certainly I'm not innocent, but I just know there's no one in the group who feels a shred of sympathy for me. I had been having near constant dark thoughts today, and I feel like the painful reality won't even set in until the day of their next rehearsal. Fuck I'm so mad at myself.",5.613956639566396,6.382017888091824,5.9244112864658085,80.17489685955685,67.39311334289813,9.179773633030447,31.701227482863054,9.270117722386633,2.6901367702853496,2856,113,548,52,45,914,321,697,0.113,0.735,0.151,0.9812,2,0,1,0,0,0,72.0,5,0,3,3,30,40,7,2,46,0,52,7,0,3,6,106,94,38,1,12,20,0,3,1,6,7,3,1,1,8,27,38,3,4,19,11,1,12,9,14,5,2,49,5,94,26,104,34,7,115,1,2,0,1,90,51,1,11,50,393,121,6,0.0,0.0,0.0636225726061921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779293911958633,0.0,0.06528507550091088,0.0,0.07194617756896267,0.0,0.10849775123107762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836442255983895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045587047208363436,0.0,0.0,0.058038883809271226,0.2438004472546288,0.0,0.06125444400646996,0.10026447296963112,0.0,0.11922990607870874,0.0,0.05547758811708242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657311818517654,0.1491353080495042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683574975359224,0.07045446909184623,0.0,0.10410851665416207,0.07213890638363826,0.0,0.21023238342246087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386794349315304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612360841711607,0.05897414601040951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988962284987502,0.04657653414762245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148481431699114,0.3022248433353986,0.06027329682535058,0.03406258386135611,0.06254261360242447,0.0,0.05468389712761944,0.10428751060024463,0.14375917963365806,0.0,0.12910996265318667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043699972447201835,0.0,0.06539760400542256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359913638247678,0.0,0.0,0.12939532569202816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749120069995163,0.21257604254669213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666804101592244,0.0921007119230908,0.03185181347791285,0.0,0.0,0.057697026195661874,0.0,0.0,0.07116989756125673,0.0,0.0,0.06169069212987,0.04351930224060077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916339373246047,0.0658300795888191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773497122675397,0.18354805385657388,0.06387892156563993,0.06255799018902408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835793986906917,0.09917005355744997,0.06937388348451674,0.0,0.0,0.07060167066751917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811667310183549,0.0,0.12326390627419585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058613510350887,0.06238443507270443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042868249943346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643738739828131,0.06999685457335507,0.0,0.05567762394638204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870525066208235,0.06801437498699267,0.0,0.0,0.05393138239016923,0.07328382029592599,0.0,0.06645982329639741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614655847882758,0.0,0.15619850195551946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144711638546985,0.0,0.0,0.05240263632357327,0.0,0.06002436015534941,0.0,0.0,0.04331378923163446,0.04177541161345759,0.0,0.10351779149480804,0.11405015687546775,0.0,0.06179884654641904,0.0,0.0,0.13279283515320425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379410388085118,0.0,0.10350020858625547,0.052296858609442685,0.0,0.2930983069907052,0.060437992313958376,0.117659758670239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621041164083807,0.0,0.046313863743665286,0.07128235462025911,0.0,0.04198453601694487
suicidewatch,nicko11762459,2018/04/06,"Help Hello Everyone, I have a request for you all. Someone close to me is going through a very hard time and I would like to request so help with it. if you wouldn't mind giving a bit of assistance please DM me and we can discuss it. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I love you all",0.2432488479262673,2.386538209677422,1.9481566820276512,96.8708064516129,86.25806451612901,4.833179723502305,20.147465437788018,6.18269132825596,-0.04811797235023052,227,7,52,2,7,74,44,62,0.054000000000000006,0.679,0.267,0.9409,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,2,11,10,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,8,8,3,4,0,0,0,1,13,1,0,1,3,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828082923374485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475270620499563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484980258290493,0.14722032929122386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320519978618607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472626504208816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265555165099403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337967749462424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26155998087928634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28435185506868865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591134927509382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948662535485086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476839238358984,0.0,0.0,0.23849235171198466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021005700125122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137379275610592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840169933091869,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pidgeonboy69,2018/04/06,"i feel like nothing is going to get better people always say “it gets better” but what if it doesn’t? i’m at a point where i feel like everything would be so much better if i wasn’t around and i wouldn’t be a problem. i’ve tried to make things better. i’ve tried for months. i guess my tunnel vision is ruining things for me as well, but i always seem to ruin every relationship with nothing than my own words, and i hate myself for that. i’m hopeless, and i don’t know what i am capable of doing. please tell me what to do",1.3699107142857159,3.0294304553571467,3.4226428571428578,90.47235714285715,79.26785714285714,5.908571428571428,18.34285714285714,6.742157984588678,-0.012538571428571732,409,8,90,4,10,139,67,112,0.161,0.617,0.222,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,4,12,1,0,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,19,24,9,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,3,14,7,13,19,2,6,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,4,3,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549126321285719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636084130551007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5418937566358685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905902010511414,0.0,0.13766645458910484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490273686572092,0.2188607004344236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005830186665446,0.0,0.08705455271210769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874276922540707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123150222092954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418258931691935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496700073429244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224746371861013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226516949496533,0.0,0.11260341003345292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939567273757425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619429599093162,0.0,0.0,0.16814337853364938,0.14480266382610796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465706004760218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445578122640309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181324519307925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944744269080264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338842702637603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203529232545707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079955314135139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772536307836022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881321296510058,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WabashLynx,2018/04/06,"nobody would give a damn if i died right now I have no friends.
They all ditched me. They all hate me. Every single one. And I don't know what I did wrong for them to stop talking to me but it doesn't matter.

My best friend since first grade, who is also my crush, won't even talk to me anymore. Just out of nowhere he stopped talking to me. They always go everywhere without me and I know that he has parties and goes to places and doesn't even fucking tell me because he proudly posts it on snapchat.

I've cried for help so many times and nobody will answer.

My parents didn't want me. They should have never had me.

If i died right now, nobody would care

The only reason I'm still alive? Because I may not have a ""real world"" life, but I do have an internet life. Yes, I have friends on the internet, but it's not the same as someone who can physically talk to you and hold you. 

I don't care if people on the internet ""cared about me"". Bullshit, if I stopped messaging you right now you'd move on. Internet relationships are not the fucking same.

I will never find love, romantic or platonic, in the real world

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but obviously I keep doing something wrong, if I can't figure it out I'll just kill myself",1.8418098958333324,3.8193522695312514,3.0434375,92.24114583333336,79.0390625,5.985416666666668,23.166666666666664,6.996647511020387,0.6531932291666669,975,32,212,11,24,314,135,256,0.203,0.645,0.152,-0.9251,1,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,4,5,3,11,18,6,0,10,1,29,6,0,1,5,52,45,19,3,9,16,1,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,5,7,0,0,2,15,9,0,2,3,0,39,9,20,34,6,27,0,0,0,4,28,13,4,7,11,146,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814238252357235,0.08130642927418287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690669124703342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913190600371015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254551269885878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988798407915898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073349714863058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20282479081559854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129079229701084,0.0,0.08232881989998224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930943381834823,0.0831160443722593,0.0,0.0,0.22648232401808574,0.2710069005033068,0.0,0.09373681079634236,0.055533496115740426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647300203743987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549608040252958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685328422130291,0.10810679950365062,0.0,0.1611042737410072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380375157108645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819130045325724,0.0,0.0,0.09906733367391247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038552251276668,0.0,0.0,0.15072714756874964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621398607125419,0.07431640613926528,0.0,0.0,0.10850057204590066,0.0,0.0,0.06774304548354748,0.0,0.10209102771451077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358363851293396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224413631097804,0.0,0.10046695026556564,0.0,0.10490898182143332,0.0,0.2503433707437642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083058087768358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279331879831077,0.07522552324156054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803505791827595,0.2450815066492861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141573863553351,0.08540692440565711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697820712710808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057634641283661976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419345037696243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882738929283386,0.3205069409458445,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllllllIIllllI,2018/04/06,"I’ll never be able to live a happy life with autoimmune diseases and herpes. I’m a 21 year old guy with lupus and autoimmune thyroid issues. I also have genital herpes. All this happened last year. Prior to this I was so healthy and so in shape. I had so many ambitions from business to relationships, now it’s all ruined. I don’t necessarily want to die but I don’t want to live like this. 

My autoimmune issues make me have herpes outbreaks. I’m so tired of this. People don’t know how lucky they are to hard a healthy body. ",1.8727101200686107,4.204459547169812,3.753087478559177,85.31824185248715,80.88679245283019,6.496054888507719,22.84391080617496,7.686295010490155,1.1974264150943403,416,14,82,7,11,140,67,106,0.102,0.727,0.172,0.7698,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,9,4,1,2,3,15,16,10,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,8,3,11,13,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,8,50,13,0,0.19610451829860476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682471243278318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178279112306816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352552908340427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417430462406526,0.17341457788633882,0.2087569062775652,0.17567112954263892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093643351007313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777391468069793,0.15985135613475784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851442077391166,0.09580676201886433,0.0,0.34632776491798833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090128874085938,0.1988192017335441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124789397195754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577870362369566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595418112665714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105428625854781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253932956442181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313350515707746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25256976049022434
suicidewatch,Why_not24,2018/04/06,Don't know what to do with it Been thinking about suicide for more than three years...feeling miserable and depressed most of the time...I definitely think this life is meant to be depressing and full of sadness that I even feel sorry for normal people although I'm in an extremely worse situation (which shows how terrible my mental state is)....just fucking worthless needing a painless method to ctb...what a depressing world we live in really!,13.039458333333334,9.4755043625,11.330000000000002,61.32833333333336,55.375,14.66666666666667,47.91666666666667,12.45797560212912,5.904041666666667,359,17,58,8,3,112,68,80,0.321,0.624,0.055,-0.9756,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,13,13,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,1,3,0,12,10,3,5,0,6,0,1,1,4,1,1,0,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5676351248957563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509783054339762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215555011109608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030923870885686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073143327150122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551678307162876,0.0,0.0,0.1939831524360172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138769685220566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289135364865825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152416301865996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229977676234768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407338576548321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693167261110305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459159140760076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402963551438551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815265967869268,0.0,0.0,0.12809828911345458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387463556420245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dbivtui_AKAThrowaway,2018/04/06,"Wrote this apparently It sounds very pre-teen angsty but I just needed to share it somewhere. I found this on my phone this morning, I apparently wrote it while high. I've never found more suitable words to how I feel.

I feel like I'm floating just under the surface, I'm not fighting the current but I'm using everything I have.

I just want to push past the surface and break hold of the current, but no matter how close I get it always drags me down.

I am tired

The current makes me forget the times I was free of it. The fleeting moments shrouded by its strength.

I don't like this

I just want to hug

I don't want to cry

Please save me

From myself",0.7890671641791052,3.176562291044778,2.029981343283584,95.42541977611944,86.53731343283579,4.245522388059702,21.061567164179106,5.602791699666715,-0.08037164179104472,513,17,110,3,16,163,78,134,0.075,0.649,0.277,0.9816,5,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,1,0,7,0,5,2,0,4,1,30,21,7,0,4,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,5,3,18,8,12,16,1,17,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,10,67,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802164624865662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379089702381089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946530561624151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902424398762196,0.15472870402801436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749495804859449,0.0,0.0,0.11315696955914925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288344418780164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116254423207688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457248395832706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059538268198215,0.16704406759722196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675533958687795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377458081762712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629273009452874,0.2489331383386673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870603075276026,0.0,0.17870569655207724,0.38324316766380906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theaveragehousecat,2018/04/06,"Sad things in the world I feel so sad looking at the world we live in, it makes me feel so depressed and makes me think of just wanting to you know... The amount of racism, animals abusers and trashy criminals and murderers makes me so disgusted by the world. We have fucked up the planet beyond repair. There are people killing children and cats and dogs. It all makes me want to end it all. 

Especially because I myself have a cat it makes me sick reading a story on r/rage about how a 17 year old girl ripped a cats heart out! Fucking makes me want to kill that girl! I can't handle all the negativity in the world it makes me feel so shit I don't know what to do to suppress my emotions of anger and sadness, plus on top of all this I'm living with an unstable single mum and I have final exams in 2 months...

Edit: Just to add I don't feel like killing myself now but I have planned maybe later in life depending how everything turns out. 

I feel strange emotions which I don't know how to control from my anger and sadness which I'm worried could change into serious suicidal thoughts...=_= Thanks for reading (^^)",3.3721126058794217,5.040351565022423,3.951980568011958,88.79480692575987,73.7085201793722,6.9286497259591435,26.738664673642248,7.594959193182576,1.3432832087693076,881,32,182,11,18,278,125,223,0.273,0.696,0.031,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,1,1,27.0,2,1,0,3,13,18,10,0,12,0,11,6,2,12,4,50,38,17,5,4,3,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,11,16,0,2,10,2,0,0,5,16,0,0,1,6,23,2,30,36,6,25,0,5,1,2,7,18,3,1,8,113,34,4,0.0,0.13020228116789076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698823299830123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624958526759865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325154759213902,0.08773862783385067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464853251072006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472240586574831,0.09733037182314364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987625017602919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778197104740713,0.0785058000383201,0.0,0.12037967882949685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318400562927355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022077969870802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647326925312005,0.0,0.18117884601038095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761891482419563,0.053686950854468826,0.0,0.1940706616410756,0.0,0.0922803491079564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134693663713821,0.0,0.1103997844012954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771355413713511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531160134778776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618424093248483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984048952866853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280102609457485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020237852379632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117241443617617,0.0,0.0,0.07300636980723509,0.07041339959409643,0.0,0.0872407875363001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952931558038556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944488042840456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159914390057356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076588349835754
suicidewatch,eljefedelguano,2018/04/06,"Today is my birthday Today is my birthday. I am 36 years old. My life is in shambles, I moved across the country thinking I might have a chance at a new life. 5 months later, and I'm still living in the same wretched condition.

I'm tired, and I'm done.",1.1992452830188682,3.0413572264150983,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,80.50943396226415,4.994716981132076,23.807547169811322,5.6839178017228535,0.3841124528301885,195,7,42,1,5,65,35,53,0.062,0.8959999999999999,0.043,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,9,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,8,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26311956760694544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632181400752721,0.0,0.0,0.22703868291674306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727600982474032,0.0,0.0,0.20522803021172006,0.2732742726765895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483248303587518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698006372899503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533366202497855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474994590475886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955177272226228,0.4874329770682231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557467109192595
suicidewatch,KitCyanide,2018/04/06,"Help, please. I'm 20, living with my bf and his parents, and was previously clean from self harm for a year. Previously. Last night I had a breakdown of sorts. I started thinking about where I see myself going in life, and the answer was.. nowhere. I haven't even finished highschool yet because I lack the motivation, i lose focus and I feel like a fucking failure for it. I don't want to work a dead end job, live in my shitty hometown and just scrape by. I'm so tired of this. I've been actively suicidal since I was 13, in and out of the hospital until I was 17 for numerous attempts and self harm, and because of it i missed out on a fuck ton of school and social interaction. I have social anxiety, so I'm sure the isolation was detremental to my development. I can't even make eye contact with the people close to me, I'm fucking awkward and can't hold conversation, and I feel like puking when people so much as glance at me for more than a second. I absolutely despise myself. Today i broke. I cut myself. And I feel numb. I don't want to tell my boyfriend (I'm not sure if it's because I'm scared he'll be angry at me, break up with me or pity me. I hate when people give me that look, like I'm some small hurt animal that they want to fix) but I'm not sure i can hide it from him. I don't wear clothes to bed often, so it would be odd for me to start after 3 years. I want to die. I've been thinking about it a lot, how much easier everybody's life would be without me burdening them. I don't want to go to the hospital. I hated my last therapist. I just want to end it. I'm unstable, useless, worthless. This sounds so fucking dumb but my childhood cat died last year and my heart is still broken. I miss her. I just want to be with her again. ",1.6102245892164149,3.359895787465941,3.569616051523408,89.27830484683348,78.86376021798365,6.737313186359508,23.38279250268351,7.686295010490155,1.0000797456857409,1362,45,301,21,33,461,184,367,0.256,0.6679999999999999,0.076,-0.9958,2,1,0,0,0,2,48.0,0,0,2,4,20,29,9,2,13,0,24,12,3,3,3,57,62,27,4,11,10,1,3,3,1,3,5,1,2,2,11,20,0,1,7,0,0,2,10,23,0,1,8,8,52,6,45,47,7,36,0,8,4,4,19,12,5,6,24,190,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945168570783256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602844886354295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884448174006252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082039026683212,0.0,0.0,0.11992770594472828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377136656072071,0.12971627626486076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357238903869893,0.0,0.08709101152380035,0.1031925090918837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926642182083147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075828450036686,0.06085250655149271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718919216036838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009193213931717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201018039642845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825086291458046,0.13306159568064385,0.0,0.1603328897231169,0.0,0.07623808210898156,0.1015672539289845,0.0,0.077183726580608,0.0,0.0,0.06060092206950855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347755001488962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519730123640759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080804424761998,0.0,0.0,0.18882049553669608,0.0,0.0,0.0996566898428302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089346682932224,0.09188113107788234,0.07234535893730293,0.0,0.1894209523583656,0.0,0.0,0.07509981394596905,0.0,0.0,0.18509150491759768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851878822369853,0.0,0.07250248937086927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930606995072527,0.0,0.25669657276796976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793517015827006,0.0,0.0,0.1054105210670402,0.0,0.11634508520437335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434611970372026,0.08605531087883908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748390217134371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751527604315135,0.0,0.06609390231091852,0.0,0.0,0.12898473564446344,0.0,0.0,0.17539124923609262
suicidewatch,WhatIsMyPurpose-,2018/04/06,"I don't want to work, am I just meant to kill myself? Working doesn't seem worth it. I'll always be struggling financially and hate working. I honestly don't see any option other than suicide.",2.407894736842106,4.913615315789475,3.951842105263157,83.65039473684213,80.05263157894737,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.3702421052631577,154,6,28,2,4,51,30,38,0.408,0.526,0.066,-0.9391,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,16,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379839045972813,0.0,0.0,0.1944971575715561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823764604846762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164285836810631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791358450414664,0.26037349832804263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990005967453388,0.0,0.3128494031677148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686965851924923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.624657825083282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dotarion,2018/04/06,"Tired - of everything. I've been typing back and forth for a while now, but TL;DR, I've been depressed for a long time, and recently even more. I am having a lot of suicidal thoughts, and I feel like there is a hole in my chest that I can't fill no matter what. It's like my mental state is crushing, and I don't want to talk to anyone close to me about it because I don't want to burden anyone. So here I am. Very tired, mentally and physically, fed up of appearing happy everyday, even though I am aware that my life isn't as bad as I think it is. It's hard to explain, but I am exhausted.. I don't know how much more I can continue this.",3.130235198702355,3.414385948905114,4.902871046228711,87.02386050283863,72.72262773722629,8.716626115166262,25.441200324411998,8.841846274778883,1.5218343876723432,493,14,115,9,9,169,82,137,0.177,0.679,0.14400000000000002,-0.4216,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,0,16,6,1,1,0,19,25,13,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,2,15,3,15,21,4,14,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,10,80,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553360747921444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039699068550254,0.15245127840311293,0.1113024352320422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726063650386793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411920212736187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640960876786839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232072245287974,0.13043912838134372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436567585607295,0.1635607579686776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034422400721214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896554892290588,0.17840411973359213,0.0,0.0,0.1615824351228989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522767551300345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680065090492448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422136206615612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028116875839356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199718918555764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146755320721526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699342551681532,0.17938934142687102,0.14495250389120787,0.10646708209646752,0.4197103801017977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065217175743575,0.2153873347211281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StephenDuke,2018/04/06,"I feel completely fine I feel completely fine, no emotion, no sadness or whatever.
However I just made a suicide doc in Word and I'm in a queue to talk to some suicide watch web chat. I don't understand what I'm doing because I don't feel anything? It's confusing, like am I bored? Am I just going to passively suicide without resisting?

I can paste my suicide note if that would help anyone. Me I guess? 

Thanks for reading. It's been a hard life.",0.7413333333333334,3.2509759111111163,2.9372222222222213,87.3625,89.88888888888891,6.555555555555558,27.5,7.793537801064563,2.1860000000000004,352,18,69,8,12,119,60,90,0.332,0.5479999999999999,0.12,-0.9706,1,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,16,18,3,4,2,5,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,5,11,4,7,15,1,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,5,2,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119808032890919,0.0,0.13179003926356062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762612756902664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358290546837773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014751552888425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429303889531125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101709790457777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642359496199406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346319907059804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073453605358995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311888284302855,0.07824133998344683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153807239560632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288156887573193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601936244243622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.700713675499526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872273308597434,0.0,0.1474448660030045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672209519062506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543791602290277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376616787072165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asymphonyofjustice,2018/04/06,"i felt like i was drowning i went to my room and dropped all of my things after school and just started quietly crying. it was the ugly crying where all your makeup runs down your face but you can’t make a noise because you don’t wanna worry your family.
i was so ugly crying but i couldn’t stop and the company of my two dogs couldn’t help. i felt the urge to cut and just suffer so i ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as i could.

i went in and got a razor to my thigh and i couldn’t stop crying but i knew that it would be ugly and scar so i stopped before i could and just threw it and fell down in the shower. i couldn’t stop crying and i just stopped breathing and let the water devour me. the hot water helped me calm down and i just sat there for a solid hour just drowning myself. 

i eventually finished my shower routine and here i am in bed now. i’m calm but still crying and hurting but at least my two dogs are here with me. ",1.4272249322493238,3.0268918878048794,3.0692276422764238,93.34259485094853,78.90243902439025,5.336043360433607,18.705962059620603,5.82211442006289,-0.3239972899728998,747,15,168,4,18,247,98,205,0.269,0.674,0.057,-0.994,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,0,15,6,1,0,11,0,16,5,3,1,2,46,29,25,2,8,11,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,5,16,2,5,3,0,0,6,6,3,0,2,12,5,33,3,20,8,3,28,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,0,12,125,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498479026089321,0.0,0.09071212617383616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022919018347427,0.0,0.7025967276453352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049673480432053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047130566449644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526093275684189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290878709642835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498343608735504,0.0,0.11412175403791355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900978131269357,0.0,0.052081314655859225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115897734262028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788890830879028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545483820214538,0.0,0.08513406763857008,0.4456284589825879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082294034763824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595450656560015,0.20827317580845592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764589523635034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826150556707362,0.0,0.07572840121756479,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shatter_Me_Still,2018/04/06,Saved my life. My bro saved my life today. I was ready to do it but he came and we talked and I feel much calmer. Nothing compares to connection with a loved one. ,-0.7138235294117656,1.4652246764705907,0.5972941176470599,102.8918235294118,96.35294117647058,3.896470588235295,15.623529411764707,5.6839178017228535,-0.9098047058823528,125,3,30,1,5,39,27,34,0.0,0.648,0.35200000000000004,0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,3,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085088589231983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059656019405726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045613574114465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223610772725164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26256202995032785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427155315918069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420285421661287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870807919209099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385566652944114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Austinhotshot98,2018/04/06,"I’m so Bored and Alone Away at college and everyone around me here seems to have tons of friends and I feel like I am the only one without anyone to go to or talk to about anything I am feeling. I got to dinner alone most nights at the dining hall and sit alone while everyone is chatting with friends and significant others. Seeing other groups of people and friends together just makes me even more angry that I don’t have the luxury of having a group of friends myself. I literally sit in my room all day on the weekends and do close to nothing besides go to my classes and get exemplary grades. I have tried dating apps, almost nobody ever swipes right on me and when they do I’m usually ghosted within the week. I’m not sure what to do and I feel extremely powerless and like there is ultimately not much to live for. I’m just a sad pathetic loser.",5.164978609625667,5.8387163000000015,5.985508021390379,79.6756951871658,68.35294117647058,9.005347593582886,30.16042780748663,9.095868883498916,2.4624117647058816,681,25,131,12,11,224,106,170,0.15,0.738,0.112,-0.8023,1,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,10,10,0,0,7,0,12,2,0,1,3,30,26,15,1,0,6,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,14,2,0,4,2,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,4,15,7,25,25,5,25,0,2,1,0,9,12,0,4,11,92,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700232585053466,0.4561319182396153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264829927621123,0.0,0.12080662930257235,0.13068608474861562,0.0,0.0,0.13792655777057025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467600089325756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969622126559393,0.13279201352012324,0.0,0.2805537392876705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268451856135735,0.10487632582521586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536795437470461,0.0,0.07669867904232369,0.0,0.1668634271329861,0.0,0.11741203098696235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344138006688115,0.0,0.1296300269117046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979923604235004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791733642684932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776497724393938,0.0,0.14086175113932675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947773337516956,0.11165054505806483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177494237218143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536923876017245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698324457539372,0.13364423495040118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836039793423438,0.0,0.0,0.11799495307556933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996698223089558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616831239850938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775677352410152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151316811229772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alyssad067,2018/04/06,"My life doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere I was sexually assaulted and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m a senior in hs and i haven’t heard back from the program I really want. All my friends are moving forward and making uni plans and I feel like I’m getting left behind. My marks are dropping, I’m soooo depressed I don’t wanna get out of bed, and it feels like no one sees me suffering. I barely see my mom anymore( she leaves before I wake up) and my sister’s never home. Everyone around me is walking past me and I don’t know how to reach out to them. I just feel like a giant burden that brings people down if I don’t act like I’m okay but if I act like I’m okay it hurts more. ",-0.5256862745098019,1.509185222222225,1.9929738562091508,95.91338235294121,88.93464052287581,4.70718954248366,16.99673202614379,6.139981653823899,-0.4337346405228759,541,13,127,5,18,185,92,153,0.098,0.7609999999999999,0.141,0.2724,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,14,1,0,3,2,10,2,1,3,2,28,30,12,0,4,4,2,4,6,1,0,1,1,2,0,5,11,0,0,6,0,0,7,8,5,0,1,2,7,22,9,14,28,2,20,0,3,2,0,7,9,0,2,11,73,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032817492895167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493972429053594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655686197480478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289847418400415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627393096939934,0.13055697428808224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484267510569138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065767621318598,0.4331595829404924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171115361425866,0.0,0.1583902161171617,0.0,0.08614729293792545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204866245797258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227119354147196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666105207878253,0.0,0.0,0.16050298388422415,0.1646938069160012,0.0,0.10706653762247813,0.4443305570438853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118186740050797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753048938507812,0.0,0.16110720786533392,0.0,0.0,0.11690904268156276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271558705361723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470174947299538,0.10508756681941096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710702789232152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24158175371128315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940673059171182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dnrdnrdnr,2018/04/06,"will hospital workers honor a do not necessitate when it comes across a suicide? i am currently lying in a hospital bed. underent back surgery and have some major complications including I cant move my feet. i also cant urinate or use my pecker. I am thinking of offing myself while I am here. I'm over 40 years old and figure I've lived a good first half. I've got a nice stout extension cord from this laptop, a plastic bag from a trash can, some surgical tape, and a several painkillers I've been stockpiling. I'm planning on writing Do Not Resuscitate on my forehead, chest and arm. I have my own hospital room with its own bathroom. The nurses seem to let me sleep uninterrupted from 1-4 am. They do come in to take blood pressure readings and ICP - to relieve my bladder.

I was thinking of wheeling to the bathroom, locking the door, leaving the DNR notes with the sharpie, taking the pills, placing the bag over my head, secure the bag with surgical tape, and then using the laptop cord as a noose and hang myself from the shower head.

My fear is that a nurse or ordely will enter my room and find that I have locked myself in the bathroom and they will find my dying body and attempt to intervene. I don't want to survive with brain damage. will my do not resecuitate request be honored?

Are my fears valid. I don't want this to be unsuccessful . Any advice reddit?

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suicidewatch,kurotori,2018/04/06,"Hope is slowly fading... I haven't felt the urge to kill myself that bad for a hell of a time. But now it's like all my hope is gone. I can't imagine ever finding friends. I just can't stand all these evenings spent all alone. I just can't imagine it being possible for me to find someone to simply spend time with. talk to. have fun. 
I'm 23 now. Never had real friends. It's not getting easier finding friends at age.",-0.0351136363636364,2.216144806818185,1.7436363636363659,96.81045454545456,89.56818181818181,4.1090909090909085,20.5,5.565023196281405,-0.15183181818181835,325,11,72,2,11,106,59,88,0.17,0.624,0.207,0.4153,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,5,19,16,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,2,1,6,3,0,0,4,1,7,7,9,11,3,11,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,9,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943330833652092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666723521008258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393102741897928,0.16972643484302552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015884999421455,0.0,0.5144844720694337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348985839596131,0.0,0.09803144787054807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727274223007637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075901252973236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166889409364146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471553867640086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115300642292303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356950095311736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898237208051105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508137589310038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188227421594106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lottielovecraft,2018/04/06,"I want to die and I want to do it now I want to know how I can overdose on Zoloft quickly. If I can’t do it, maybe how I should go about doing it. I don’t have a gun and I’m probably to heavy to hang. I just want to get it over with. I’m in a terrible situation with my family and school and I think I should take myself out before  something worse happens. I’ve hit a low and I don’t see myself bouncing back for long. I just want to do it now and do it quick. ",-1.0717841971112991,0.500574242990659,1.9886830926083263,98.1300424808836,86.94392523364486,5.386236193712829,17.20390824129142,6.574015621080383,-0.4282261682242994,352,8,94,4,11,125,57,107,0.15,0.7829999999999999,0.067,-0.9022,0,0,1,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,2,0,23,27,9,1,8,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,15,0,15,24,0,13,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,1,6,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163407168319642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083046389046828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055195827174048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033563251860148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102776905076704,0.0,0.12077440108530055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879220013231155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679000683839826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806477293214255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349498342283652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291218570432737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507159142899507,0.16934305549589695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887028383084186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360067619176394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978116645794746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616790703543066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.626719887065371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165659721746961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amialonenow,2018/04/06,"How to tell someone I keep trying to kill myself? So, I'm 16 and I have tried or come close to killing myself every day for the last week and a half. I took an od last night and then got scared and threw it up. I don't know if I will do something tonight, I probably will try or come close to it. I feel so helpless.
If I had left the house in the last 9 days I would have jumped off the bridge very close to me or just ran off. I can't go outside because of my eating disorder, as I am so ashamed of how I look currently that I avoid all my mirrors, and can't stand the thought of someone seeing me. This means I might not go to therapy next week and I am scared something bad will happen, or if I do, I will likely end up lying. 

Someone knows, and has been there every time I have said things like this, and refuses to leave,but I'm finally pushing them away as I feel them getting more frustrated that I know nobody cares about me or something of the same variation. 

I don't know what I am supposed to do. If I talk about this I will probably end up sectioned and I cannot miss school and I haven't been revising for my gcses in a month. I am scared I will be forced to eat or open up about my ED (not an option) and my parents will be told and have a conversation (not so supportive) and I can't stand that.
I can't go on pretending I am not a risk to myself, but I don't know how to start the conversation. Any help greatly appreciated. 
",3.771951469583048,3.717102162337664,4.984053315105951,88.20209501025292,71.20779220779221,8.432262474367738,27.57416267942584,8.20500826718156,1.4593935064935053,1118,35,263,15,19,372,144,308,0.105,0.843,0.052000000000000005,-0.8722,2,1,3,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,2,0,13,17,3,6,13,0,36,2,0,3,1,55,67,34,3,5,16,1,2,2,0,9,0,1,0,0,10,19,2,3,9,1,0,10,13,12,0,1,10,5,45,5,32,46,4,46,0,2,2,0,11,16,0,12,20,179,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745282233438576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931925754186862,0.0,0.08281977813490561,0.06046550142674442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113114695597,0.0,0.0,0.17088736403324514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279391075395505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368070581789165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299293059275197,0.0,0.0,0.17570637328162098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671442535963297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030721724201133,0.0,0.0,0.1086581525773424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051822850846862,0.0,0.16911644250099556,0.0,0.07933156405610173,0.10935768340924827,0.0,0.0,0.08771367675557505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648518395906441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445231742264647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816491831897792,0.21947879653416055,0.0,0.27256204265542217,0.2425600607257081,0.0,0.0,0.10777057826471463,0.0,0.0,0.09691876492908134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329489122050897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080473424902402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522525983492413,0.0,0.0,0.07917277102917858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549003585402532,0.09308340061103758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013911745254336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138878935391449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435271336541946,0.0,0.2979204574446427,0.10038590434908012,0.07904184675549973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521309212882865,0.2290846743985705,0.0,0.0,0.0702074225160988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256000527338693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972542591696312,0.08669671598040721,0.0,0.11343278108135378,0.0,0.0658976444094704,0.0,0.0,0.07874603832855591,0.057838676134841616,0.0,0.0,0.09478060617974544,0.11020410068392496,0.20203115881304892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184240611942124,0.0,0.0,0.15912899118327078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046196092166633,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ifeelthrownaway,2018/04/06,"I feel broken I can’t get away from negative thoughts of myself, embarrassed from past actions or interactions. They come flooding in when I ask myself why I’m struggling alone despite every effort to be a part of the lives of others. 

Saw the post on the front page  today about friends, something to the effect of not finding any if you’re looking for them, but if you’re just concerned with being one then you’ll find many. The thing is my life is pretty much me setting myself on fire to keep others warm.

But nobody is inviting me out. Nobody has conversations where they mention something because they “thought of me.” I’m good for helping everyone else get what they want and need but I’m practically invisible in every other aspect of my life.

I feel this anger and sadness constantly. Medicine doesn’t squelch the feeling that I’m broken or better off dead. I know it would hurt a few people but I am just so tired of feeling alone and unimportant.",6.028498168498168,7.060065274725275,5.950274725274728,79.41555860805862,66.58241758241758,8.044688644688646,32.1996336996337,8.07648339933343,2.38339413919414,768,31,136,9,12,241,120,182,0.221,0.653,0.126,-0.9742,0,2,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,5,3,6,9,1,2,8,0,11,3,0,1,0,31,31,14,1,5,11,0,6,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,10,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,3,8,20,4,23,24,4,18,0,2,2,0,12,8,0,4,5,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007957817261612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875048719984102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575547050369552,0.0,0.13643331602022268,0.0,0.0,0.08852109545651772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842996618211774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508898716590086,0.0,0.15692472607586766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130764831353424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446980853294437,0.13875818258496825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936982094894313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26544589712030103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219196209281153,0.0,0.1517366239723234,0.0,0.0,0.12179859827381373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733387099774124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545457086648032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290728591721949,0.0,0.0,0.07980580670435745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051378596165742,0.0,0.0,0.12822660634200386,0.0,0.12194317160677072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722418527406064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674898513219197,0.10767432747909354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984007522113763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725259125231655,0.1386231768992595,0.10067309081040927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390748536788068,0.14773482482384778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358563535196996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518091830765317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647371697062047,0.0,0.0,0.2305673619245471,0.0,0.16690211019923287,0.13764587528804068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565096880955317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103303195294938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315584625320584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kinkyxkyttin,2018/04/06,"Why can't these thoughts just go away Out of nowhere these thoughts of slashing my arms open came while at work. It doesn't help that we have an endless supply of fresh box cutters. I can't shake this. No matter how much I try, it keeps coming back. I tried to kill myself once, when I was 16. I can't even manage to feel bad for wanting to die right now. I should.... I have a family and kids. I should feel horrible.",0.35241379310344456,2.5605663678160937,1.3662183908045975,100.76312068965521,86.47126436781609,4.3995402298850586,17.895402298850573,5.6839178017228535,-0.6394404597701153,322,8,76,2,10,100,65,87,0.246,0.7,0.054000000000000006,-0.9614,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,0,1,6,3,1,1,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,17,18,4,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,4,2,11,0,10,12,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,48,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161522145429937,0.1769046166681618,0.19209339769174105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631313337694077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817931850928455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23876957195142065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519547600646491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168833756812424,0.0,0.2326540182422997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075037862187666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420670243832066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449099355857134,0.2545311560655588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912313069573331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501009984445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647295656183447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652894126969666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123960049959913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569740240861428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759650839766075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748895492123705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,m00ching,2018/04/06,"Here we go again Ok so I’ve been depressed for so long. My depression came back after only like 4 months at uni and it all went downhill. My gender issues cropped up again - questioning if I was transgender. It’s hard enough dealing with depression while at uni - let alone thinking you might be trans and having to transition. Anyway I jumped off a bridge 11 March and have been in hospital ever since. I’m still so depressed and now I’m extra depressed about my injuries. I’m still able to walk and hopefully my bladder and bowels will get back to normal. It’s horrible - I feel so trapped. I feel like there’s nothing to leave hospital for and I dread being in the outside world so much. I actually can’t stand being seen and it’s been a constant problem for me. Now every time I wake up I’m reminded of my attempt and also the uncertainty of whether my bowels and bladder will get back to normal is eating away at me. Im so depressed I feel like damaging my chances of physical recovery. My time in this hospital is nearly over. I have nothing to recover for. Everything is so painful. I was sure I would die and wouldn’t survive and so I neglected everything. Everything is getting to me now - trienfships I’ve neglected - the fact I cant go back to uni this year. I didn’t even want to. The urge to die is overwhelming. Loneliness is killing me. Even though I have people that could maybe visit I can’t face them. I honestly either want to die or just nap all day and not face my issues. I’m so so tempted to end it. I can’t keep on like this. Me surviving has changed nothing about my outlook and I’m just as pessimistic as ever. I still feel like my situation is terrible. And now I have the added stress of physical recovery. I’m so alone. I have no motivation and I can’t keep pretending I can stay in hospital forever but I feel it’s either kill my self in here or as soon as I’m out. All I can think about is ending my life and now things are getting so bad I feel like I need to. I miss my friends but I can’t reach out to them because I wanna die. Every day I wake up and just count down the hours until I can kill myself. I don’t want to ever be in the outside world again or basically start anything again. I’ve given up hope but I stay here and idk why

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suicidewatch,hyene,2018/04/06,"Reasons to live? I can't think of any.

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suicidewatch,confusedfuckingmess,2018/04/06,"If not for my family I would be dead Honestly. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is my family. I know how it would crush them. My mom probably wouldn’t make it through, it would hurt her so much and she’s been through enough. I don’t want to fuck up my sister any more than the world already has. I don’t want to create that pain and emptiness in the hearts of my aunt and uncle. I don’t want my grandma and grandpa to live long enough to have their grandchild die like that. 
They are the only reason. 
If they were all to just forget I existed, or disappear, I would be jumping of a building by now or something. 
So I guess I’m not suicidal. Because I know I couldn’t do it. 
But that’s the only reason I have my ended my life. 
I couldn’t be so selfish as to leave them with so much pain. ",2.4886390532544382,3.668262479289944,3.793609467455621,91.01869822485209,75.09467455621302,6.8568047337278095,24.242603550295854,7.321109707123232,0.8493692307692307,625,19,140,7,13,205,96,169,0.226,0.691,0.083,-0.9801,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,5,0,7,8,2,0,6,0,21,5,1,4,1,33,30,15,4,12,8,4,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,2,0,29,2,18,18,6,9,0,1,0,1,11,3,1,5,5,106,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481939253589384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091322773127053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186280540544802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937329586098413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118942341542282,0.2775178779691368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531960051618371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241502572157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793714329283106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913598360612655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376174649218154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857356333235394,0.0,0.1476061088212072,0.0,0.0,0.14219522748814578,0.0,0.0,0.0948540039889738,0.06560800627063393,0.0,0.11858178741058005,0.1188436840202782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964056807235961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728049232033167,0.0,0.0,0.19743929629515827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064040372537033,0.2857910860131437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478886798441076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761478994220973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338409880649592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122736433382769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468930210864807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921725469366272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376256831081146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815870973900711,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dprithrwy,2018/04/06,"Back in the hole This time I'm actually considering killing myself noone likes me except for my family that I don't like back. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in life. I have little to no chance of becoming anything
I hate myself over anyone else
I don't have the balls to tell the girl like that I like her. I don't want to exist. I wish my parents didn't migrate here so they wouldn't have met each other. They might care for me but I don't. I'm just a big burden. I wish I had a gun. Shooting myself in the head would be so easy. I hate everything I say and do. I can't sleep at night. I hate this. What is the easiest and most painless way to die? I'd also like it to a guarantee. I can't do this anymore. Fuck fuck fuck. I hate this so much. Fuck. I just want to not exist.",-0.9374876847290636,1.0388346436781646,1.7471756978653552,97.2939655172414,90.4942528735632,4.923481116584567,16.33169129720854,6.42735559955562,-0.467789490968801,604,14,149,7,21,208,90,174,0.319,0.556,0.126,-0.9905,1,0,0,2,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,0,9,17,9,0,8,0,19,7,2,0,1,18,37,7,2,6,6,1,0,5,0,3,1,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,0,3,1,27,7,16,30,3,13,0,0,0,4,8,7,4,2,10,98,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.11910718403778985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976066106205262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104485905864765,0.08534305670402119,0.12505883753762342,0.10044011530135936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877041204914052,0.0,0.0,0.13479915164440612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244422778879284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266728741944607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019605294536172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969434481257884,0.0,0.1150617322718558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513481529253765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820125745421741,0.12526270759119093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503476530679154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621041240296683,0.29814731269463696,0.12233026161703404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294801000418606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972379890329027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453949405552848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355266213516576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097062310210801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214223468322083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503453413016095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668065325810837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711707206423309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398132763180366,0.09688085444404816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28071235685826096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670372269544135,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeebee098,2018/04/06,"I just can't anymore With any of it. I can't stand myself. I can't stand to be in my own thoughts and body. I'm just not normal no matter how hard I try to be. The only time I feel like a real person that can genuinely connect to other people is if I'm on something. I can't keep faking it. I'm so fucking tired of faking it. The thought of spending another weekend alone and in my head is too much to bear. I need to just do it already but don't know how.

Don't tell me it'll get better. I've been waiting my whole life for it to get better and it's just gotten worse. There's nothing left for me here. I've tried it all and nothing works. Nothing. Can. Fix. Me.
",-0.993010510510512,0.9815779121621659,1.6490990990991001,97.88403903903904,90.82432432432432,3.8294294294294287,18.35735735735736,5.033348758259628,-0.6197714714714717,513,15,122,2,18,176,86,148,0.073,0.825,0.102,0.6253,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,6,1,0,3,0,15,5,2,2,1,25,29,9,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,5,0,2,4,1,1,0,8,3,0,0,4,2,14,3,15,22,4,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,3,78,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288930154481385,0.17355669567042106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695228367155778,0.16491638168725448,0.0,0.0,0.15597437923072371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781936284980789,0.0,0.17469689100148128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952288415442074,0.11235717637248246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453980543183588,0.1643392241459094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408873637745962,0.0,0.16140935855713948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979310320309835,0.0,0.0,0.0864341383957819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087957270158216,0.0,0.11108786992153374,0.07683654205309631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561510290480352,0.11661730026084127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409594956306874,0.45272834910162607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196146020988524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903457058047533,0.13732632299976574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901319857180714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107785477886668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746514141339558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497173087161903,0.09170822336380552,0.18076429131216165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355858371401493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559174108188275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449795589152575,0.0,0.16027649725772944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,upupupandthrowaway0,2018/04/06,"I really truly do not feel like being alive is worth the pain I am in My life isnt anything. I love my friends and my family and I have a job and a dog but I am just in so much pain sometimes. No therapists have worked out, I cant find a psychiatrist that works with my work schedule. I am just in so much pain constantly. Its just not worth it. The happiness I feel always turns to a manic episode and then very quickly to a deep painful depression. I just want to stop the cycle and i cant.

I really just want to die. Im tired of doing this over and over constantly. The good is starting to not feel worth this horrible feeling. Im biologically not happy.",0.8077615571776171,3.0198836934306605,3.1311240875912425,88.88145498783457,84.32846715328465,6.865012165450122,21.542092457420924,8.021203637495839,1.1180057420924574,514,17,113,11,15,176,75,137,0.29100000000000004,0.555,0.154,-0.9829,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,9,0,13,7,0,0,0,26,22,10,1,2,10,0,4,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,0,3,0,8,5,0,0,0,4,15,6,13,21,2,14,0,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,8,78,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566255159006706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449868474839097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27445357680503324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937288362577173,0.0,0.13179145311515172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971112987280386,0.0,0.2568318139253528,0.09071884691468173,0.0,0.0,0.11606293306139948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981090936244815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650985915988223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27035798555639035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743334117943514,0.0,0.1260140428839712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969399010242353,0.06203896111504195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460985210054347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866986900182513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404883665892175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627010080285074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559243306127474,0.0,0.08988136732139966,0.0,0.0,0.1061660091388134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744057105604913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595176383593386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381243382866074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477677577751966,0.14979930400027136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773420319356983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PsychoanalyticalBuzz,2018/04/06,"any advice for writing a note/ last will? Tonight is the night folks and I'm writing my note to my boyfriend, who is my biggest, and only, support system and will be truly heartbroken. I want to try to ease his pain as much as possible with this note and let him know that I am finally at peace and to let him know that I want him to move on. Any advice?",3.4733783783783783,4.050853094594596,4.3738918918918905,90.06435135135138,72.10810810810811,7.541621621621622,26.962162162162162,7.554174236665415,1.2217221621621621,275,9,62,3,5,89,48,74,0.091,0.7340000000000001,0.175,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,14,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,1,11,9,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205433266408294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29265991637280114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571946099501684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23651489099892556,0.17540063467237993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44007279715873204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287025664839953,0.15818225280471832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193210080577328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365428696556858,0.22896697195215185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425834159340423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441840132865616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609327427353086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25383778936022894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Punisher7980,2018/04/06,Nothing feels good Me and my girlfriend who I loved dearly just broke up a couple days ago and nothing feels right. I had a future planned with this girl. She was my everything. Now I cant stop thinking about her and I’m in such utter agony. I want to die and I go from feeling okay about things to this sadness where all I wanna do is pick up a knife and end it. I know it’s not the end of the world but it feels like I’ve lost everything that I felt good about. ,1.175755555555554,2.8214014200000013,2.313333333333333,98.26722222222223,79.8,5.2444444444444445,20.11111111111111,5.82211442006289,-0.30782222222222266,362,9,87,2,9,115,70,100,0.162,0.7090000000000001,0.129,-0.6492,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,5,1,5,1,0,1,1,21,17,6,1,2,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,5,13,6,12,13,1,14,0,3,0,1,6,6,0,0,8,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937785171772368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114225920097849,0.0,0.12322858123519535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198307314097658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384742556029223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434546035182033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864562229985056,0.1365051408452742,0.18346347343002398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859321893424337,0.3205319251842709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501068660217563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335036117542128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858264936054727,0.0,0.17245406588946416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666862474002233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317834802053552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974856960102088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269427836959096,0.1224341516715328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127019124830376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SPammingisGood,2018/04/06,"Here I'm again.. Trapped in my own mind. Got no idea what to do with my life, no goals, nothing. 
I don't care about anyone but my mom at this point. Not like there are no people that care about me, but I can't take it anymore. I know it sounds dumb.
It's not just having a depression phase or anything. I'm quite calm actually. The point is that I don't feel like i have anything to do here.

P.S.: maybe I edit it later ",-0.6792407592407592,1.3637244725274726,1.2517482517482499,100.8227972027972,89.98901098901098,4.188211788211788,15.965034965034967,5.565023196281405,-0.9435582417582418,321,7,80,2,11,105,61,91,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.6351,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,11,17,3,0,0,6,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,2,10,5,7,16,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,4,50,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.19698353342243166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018812662406305,0.14114326518957293,0.0,0.3322225937797488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41161378809397203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385933217635066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206507813098613,0.14420684192949898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144366290421067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278722369684359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093545188098576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257772770073587,0.1972344879427544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027927140470811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038182543034015,0.2364127423581683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368745158287493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399423836749272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816406474418387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147000059686021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177151181787285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apanwithapxiecut,2018/04/06,"I felt determination earlier I felt determined to kill myself earlier, I still do I just don’t want to leave my boyfriend who’s already had enough death in his life. I’m definitely not doing it tonight, it’s his birthday. Should I break up with him before? I don’t think I want to leave a note for anyone, I have a big competition next Saturday so I’m gonna do it after that. I’m starting to not give a shit about the people I’ll hurt after I kill my self, they’ll make it through. They’ll live. I’ll just be a vague memory of that one kid that killed themselves, and for my family. I just constantly let them down, and I’m chronically ill so it’ll just be a relief to them in the long run. I don’t want to keep on sucking from society with my medicine and I have this pressure that I should give back and I just can’t. Everyone will be fine eventually without me and I’m sick of trying to get help because I’ve tried and no one has done anything. And if I get admitted it’s costing more money to get myself better, and honestly I’m not worth that much. ",1.4733803117659612,3.3766982556053864,3.5263164638052547,88.69433482810166,79.89686098654708,7.1175742045697215,23.17510143070681,8.11559375814309,1.2045854793935509,833,28,185,16,21,283,121,223,0.16699999999999998,0.701,0.132,-0.8988,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,4,1,10,11,5,1,7,0,22,5,1,1,0,31,45,11,4,6,10,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,13,10,0,1,4,0,3,1,9,7,0,2,4,2,29,4,25,30,3,18,0,1,0,0,14,6,2,1,10,120,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908956161672854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944671852397065,0.0,0.11117828847609024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038858965540326,0.0,0.08235755778148472,0.0,0.11496273424673754,0.0,0.0,0.1194876577856347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599838748589902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382573143073737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959755322969392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909674220546385,0.0,0.0,0.12736312005115666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594402062940547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117572830281992,0.2592062889070689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055671829919533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446305960913117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008578748911986,0.4484144819986012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28610921910396603,0.0,0.13815200952660234,0.09542727097656004,0.0,0.0,0.11929845746342628,0.11956193689171075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018232673581396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993162778408888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436836132706914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309862963615844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366343526026108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094193316561945,0.0,0.1386813266836028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562662543308106,0.0,0.1078934604015446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656857131622847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345218836082186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390618160471558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023450714901688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayhuman333333,2018/04/06,I don't know if I'm strong enough to hold on I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know if I am worth helping. I have amazing kids and had an amazing husband but he is leaving me because I'm a fuck up. I hurt him a long time ago and it's coming back to haunt me now and there's nothing I can do to change it. I thought I was being a good wife and a good mom. I've been through a lot of shit but I finally let my guard down with him and now I find out that I'm just not good enough. I don't want to leave my kids but if I am this hopeless of a human being they will be better off without me. I'm sorry. I'm probably the least of anyone's worries. Just thought I'd let someone know before I make everyone's lives easier. ,-0.7327521008403366,0.8747466071428569,2.0307843137254906,98.1044117647059,85.90476190476191,4.905322128851541,20.596638655462183,5.900188976854957,-0.17517058823529386,562,18,144,4,17,196,94,168,0.16,0.6559999999999999,0.184,-0.233,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,6,11,2,0,8,0,19,2,1,1,0,31,35,11,0,4,10,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,2,7,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,22,7,15,24,4,13,0,2,0,1,12,5,2,4,7,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124987454420171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859005393921023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841982979376752,0.0,0.08595192122402047,0.0,0.11998009829153836,0.0,0.0,0.12470250485672475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915866187273627,0.12145849207387305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29138012883043857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347309623454654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445794296422455,0.1288708907230523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303516667342989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547908033685367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450892094457064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094276635554013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30995831561717435,0.0,0.0,0.2985959968256694,0.0,0.2883628645540096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450504719008093,0.12478002575518292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987264168718295,0.0,0.0,0.09411818966222647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651367848809715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529272029562284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202119342813236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473385063187805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946832807335417,0.0,0.0,0.15783727660021446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238755364104537,0.0822178799073792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316509512126354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723002107104187,0.0,0.0,0.1359183832141025,0.0,0.0,0.14319172779872358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wtwtww,2018/04/06,"I feel trapped I don't want to commit suicide, but I feel like it's my only option. I've failed 4 semesters at college now, I'm an obvious fuck up. I just can't do school. I absolutely hate it and I don't think there are any professional fields I find interesting enough to go to school for. I don't want a minimum wage job, I'd kill myself if I had to work one anyways. So what can I do then? There really isn't anything else. I'm not good at anything, I have trouble focusing on things, I've been told at a previous job that I was incompetent so I guess I don't belong in the work place anyways. It seems obvious to me that killing myself is the best way to go since I have no where else to go. But if you have suggestions I'd like to hear them first.",1.85880132137801,3.086297834355829,3.923312883435585,89.26674374705051,76.79141104294479,7.7147711184520995,24.808400188768285,8.384062270229773,1.3301424256724874,589,20,139,11,13,202,96,163,0.277,0.635,0.08800000000000001,-0.9872,3,1,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,1,1,5,9,11,4,0,5,0,17,1,0,0,3,19,33,8,3,4,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,0,1,3,8,6,0,2,4,3,21,5,15,29,2,15,0,1,0,1,5,8,1,5,5,86,28,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229879192872822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475851303159868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578689077055472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513329549266176,0.0,0.0,0.15543627664136758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212569008190038,0.1074685178553569,0.0,0.0,0.13749195253533894,0.1279572239927023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390717878566554,0.0,0.0,0.2564815995003482,0.12617506824861202,0.0,0.0,0.16571760276255362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852027215906793,0.0,0.0,0.16954758723368876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29856072642629844,0.0,0.3328610273431077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469867712624259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193649025478567,0.1144101731322096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571692276692467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096370471964004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044900535273436,0.0,0.13694747348385322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443875091676057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454798825482295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994021274038242,0.09639063212961124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374404472498645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745716269755432,0.11940577179091102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190323041999108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkmanhonestly,2018/04/06,"Idk I'm kinda hoping someone disagrees with my points Okay, so, I'm smart, I've never, ever been unable to not understand something, a quick read and I can get philosophical about any subject you name. I'll get to why this is the issue in a bit.
I was bullied, took comfort in a teacher, was raped by him for 4 years straight, from 9 to 13, when he was caught by my principal he was fired and I was told not to speak, so I didn't. I eventually repressed it all and started hearing voices and noises that didn't exist.
My mom got into an accident in 2007 (I'm 18 now) and had to have a lot of surgeries and homeotherapy because her spinal cord was exposed and so she was pretty much always on pain meds, my father worked abroad to pay for the whole thing and my sister was in an abusive relationship so I told no one.
My family's great, they're nice and awesome and supportive, it was just shit timing.
15 I got raped again, a very close friend of mine, long story short I went to his house early in the morning and fell asleep on his couch, fought him for 3 minutes and when I eventually got away from him I yelled and we fought, but he seemed in shock himself, a couple of months later I repressed it and forgot about it, when friends would ask why we fell out I'd say ""he tried to make a move and I rejected him"" and I believed it. So eventually, when he texted me to tell me he wanted to apologise about what happened in person, I was okay with it, so I went, and remembered, and snapped, I lost control of my wording and my temper and I told him I'd never forgive him and that he should just kill himself.
He did, right after I left he texted me ""I'm sorry, goodbye"" I freaked out, stopped the taxi, turned around and went back into the building, when I entered his apartment (he lived alone, his family was rich) cooling water was filled with blood, I killed him. Eventually I forgot that too, I have a habit of repressing what I don't like.

4 months later my family travels for a week, leaving me alone at the house, a friend of my sister's got cancer so my mother and sister went to visit and my dad was abroad, I stayed home to watch our new puppy. Months later I got sent pictures and videos of someone going into my house, petting my naked body very lightly while I was blissfully asleep, it was during their travel, he threatened me; rape, murder and everything in-between, when I tried to call the police he sent me a message telling me to close or he'd come and rape me and my family (he wasn't good at English, which made it scarier for me tbh) I listened to what he said and sent whatever he wanted until I figured a way to contact the police, he got probation and a restraining order was issued, if I pursued for more I would've been evicted from the country I was living in so I just let it be.
3 months after that was over, at the start of 11th grade, the pictures get spread, I become public property, when I'd go out I'd get guys telling me to strip and trying to touch me, I was just a body walking, a scared, cold body.
I got an eating disorder after, random people telling you you're not good enough and pointing out every mistake in your body does that. I'm 4 kilos underweight, and that's my highest weight in a year.
I'd wear padding and make sure no one from my family saw me naked but eventually they found laxatives and we booked to go for a psychiatrist.
She diagnosed me with bpd from the first session, I brushed upon the whole rape thing and she said I should have 2 weeks of in-patient and take 3 meds as a starter, I still didn't get the meds, my family is scared of them so now we're jumping between psychiatrists.
I attempted suicide many times, always resolving not to last second because I'd hurt many people in the process, I'm extroverted so I have a lot of friends, I'm good with advice so I have a lot of friends that consider themselves close to me, and I try to be nice, I don't have people that hate me (that I know of).
Now, why I'm typing this; I'm not going to kill myself now, it'll be a bad time, I'll hurt too many people and I'll scar my boyfriend, but I'm not not suicidal, I'm just waiting for the right time.
Finally, why the smart matters, like I said, I've never not understood something, I can't understand my calculus homework, I'm in advanced calculus, I used to understand what I was taking easily, now I just can't, I know this seems like the stupidest reason of all to be frustrated or see as the last straw but I can't understand it, I am obsessed with control, it's how I could hide and be fine, if I didn't talk I was fine, if I learned the right coping mechanisms I could handle everything fine, if I could depend on myself I never have to feel alone, it just feels like with everything piling on, this is the last bit of good I had in me, my intelligence, I'm worthless, I'm nothing and I'm broken (not in a delusional way, I genuinely believe that I'm nothing but the product of the bad that happened to me, I read because I had nothing else, I let my teacher rape me because I craved love, I didn't tell.. because I was stupid) this is all simplified, if you've read this far and are curious for the rest (because this is too long lmao) just reply, I'll fill you in.
I'm not telling you to rescue me, or give me hope, I know that the future is better than the present, no matter what, it's a law of life I made for myself.
I'm just asking that you objectively assess with me where my life is going, how I am (like as a personality) and maybe argue with me and my points, maybe you'll change something in my perspective.
I hope I didn't tire you out with all this reading, have a good, merry day, hope everything turns out alright :) for you and me.",4.830275882096707,4.944005264604812,5.726139586660861,83.20915129954987,68.94845360824742,8.653966410144717,29.53869609409032,8.42427940485282,1.9695658632205608,4464,153,931,61,71,1472,428,1164,0.183,0.7170000000000001,0.1,-0.9988,1,4,3,0,0,2,148.0,4,9,3,9,47,74,18,6,54,4,75,26,10,11,10,174,174,83,6,18,32,7,5,5,5,5,6,9,4,3,43,72,3,10,19,8,2,27,29,35,0,4,67,21,160,39,121,91,15,139,0,5,3,7,100,51,1,20,62,586,203,14,0.0,0.048734473825994884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019353273102833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780046421337465,0.0,0.0,0.0684499287225588,0.0,0.0,0.0279710440818303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03661603503118089,0.07690538765898046,0.0,0.038644693356389606,0.03162782615447581,0.06868669345145928,0.1504414327501253,0.04542685714963104,0.0,0.09268293861917652,0.0,0.036377747061016784,0.08981057597799129,0.18275269200111932,0.05180408001566212,0.0,0.04200018104438419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351200547094319,0.035431415817607746,0.0,0.0,0.09226565412317447,0.09852121998194258,0.04551157000080745,0.0,0.026526617367013557,0.0,0.0,0.041747925529174376,0.0,0.0,0.04714062249200895,0.0,0.03599472773197282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042088114428796265,0.03436035279071005,0.0,0.0,0.04250015922847186,0.0,0.0,0.03720608072593886,0.034655327409363716,0.0,0.14786648939953256,0.0,0.2326524823727816,0.0,0.041594962198813035,0.02938457623659373,0.0,0.04505789187773892,0.0,0.034986700091063375,0.0,0.04509891116841717,0.1588916878442559,0.0,0.10744837616266464,0.03945738408983955,0.11688078927984415,0.17249707105381593,0.2302780845856181,0.045347970291935435,0.0,0.04072696272829045,0.0727454547994176,0.0,0.0,0.04060915091256413,0.0,0.0,0.046358543899379885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041258563260572735,0.16341268908074488,0.0,0.14238177314625913,0.08806491547993768,0.0,0.0,0.0858618551523454,0.0,0.0,0.13651877446545033,0.0,0.06781490807623694,0.10058375493046738,0.0,0.04355265220388477,0.044689836407778905,0.08412013343748254,0.058105233471665865,0.1004746336909732,0.0,0.07264029090200713,0.07280072233359662,0.0,0.0,0.04490023396783953,0.10490639247004056,0.03712306815011029,0.07783983412045838,0.05491161065781342,0.12510361091825373,0.08264487158044112,0.0,0.13706451900083952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048173083594203116,0.13132408648875116,0.04371660901182488,0.030236616076441968,0.0,0.12689356302738958,0.0397253624001733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840125498118215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574396351523212,0.0,0.043767150248198786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406248377138525,0.07182942714936359,0.0,0.0,0.11664857800457483,0.0,0.0,0.04184584212943485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457177995236133,0.0,0.0,0.04229035542478594,0.0,0.04416017522930076,0.04659432724702823,0.1053790335927158,0.1173773229992369,0.032709669510314066,0.08236024290432215,0.0,0.032776730511694316,0.07488971757126724,0.0,0.0,0.042221216129561284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970170527766563,0.09499584011931923,0.0,0.046043698412949,0.058226619498125916,0.043841041105934,0.032847919900368915,0.034388038377607434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998305740030191,0.04667589524638719,0.03876624804724453,0.0,0.06185201062423496,0.033060194156312867,0.2157061110726886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546522992775187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593716638170337,0.04727496961392973,0.0,0.11790963321358842,0.04569895893973788,0.11170320733799352,0.08947920496231578,0.0,0.17127867642362588,0.0,0.035524681098539464,0.0,0.06787610866691351,0.04852121933080125,0.06529703906406753,0.06598692053268528,0.050087468641228185,0.0,0.15251841514075656,0.14846025844975178,0.09184440316000103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02994445056784715,0.0,0.0,0.0584377212642567,0.0,0.0,0.052975079486926896
suicidewatch,ChickenNRiceLover,2018/04/06,"What to do about girlfriend cutting herself due to depression? Hello Reddit,

This website has become a savior for me, not only for entertainment but genuine advice. My girlfriend has a history of being depressed (not officially diagnosed). She has episodes of closing herself off due to internal pain, and just last night she told me she cut herself because of how depressed she was. I don't think she is suicidal, I believe it is NSSI (Non-suicidal Self-Injury). I've been telling her to seek professional help for awhile now, but she always turns a blind eye to that advice and refuses to go. She's in college right now, and I think she is beyond stressed because of the workload. Besides maintaining her grades, she is also in a sorority that requires her to be at every single event so it takes up a ton of her time. She's told me she has trust issues and generally doesn't open up to friends that she doesn't consider to be her closest. I'm at a loss for what to do here. I want to handle this properly and make her get better. I've pretty much become the only person she feels comfortable enough to vent her frustrations and thoughts. I don't believe she was ever abused when she was young; her parents also love her and care about her. ",6.144683544303796,6.8879862531645575,6.454700421940931,76.92711392405063,66.21518987341773,9.189198312236288,33.94345991561181,9.21078282632365,3.0795870042194102,990,43,176,17,15,319,131,237,0.166,0.7020000000000001,0.132,-0.8056,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,13,16,3,1,8,0,21,5,1,2,1,25,36,14,1,1,5,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,4,1,0,1,6,9,0,0,7,3,37,7,31,26,4,24,0,4,2,1,40,12,0,0,11,131,46,4,0.0,0.15060707795315226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484249871599382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330303460829624,0.1057674674791226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497273839787545,0.2807707020836611,0.0,0.2864236641065364,0.0,0.11242034143921044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959927902088408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32844445088360363,0.1290161272081079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134080028847378,0.0,0.0,0.11498019082405385,0.10709744431158852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427170771046249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820650943194732,0.0,0.0664108369055104,0.0,0.07224074771032413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520057535209186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267202964274094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361334410983501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472365206417015,0.0,0.08484832786337798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344203470265472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192861148233072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933489919473284,0.13525625890110324,0.0,0.14114296775513302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098940118487707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931872477181588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855305687436208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260566441102534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560650523128232,0.0,0.0,0.27808005866109475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557249575427412,0.0,0.11110159651834008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289662925244944,0.0,0.10091282557662422,0.0741201000109432,0.0,0.0,0.2429221579263863,0.0,0.0,0.13826148657172327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497402237508206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpymorph,2018/04/06,"It doesn't matter It doesn't matter.
Everyone suffocates, everyone loses their breath, everyone had experienced drowning, feeling something wrong, ""pain"" perhaps.  But like they said, ""It doesn't matter"". 
Everyone loses their tastes, loses the sense of feeling an empty stomach, an ache beyond the wall. Everyone loses hope, loses courage, loses confidence, loses love. Everyone loses sense in communication, in learning, in getting over small things. Everyone forgets to sleep, some overdo it, some merely a minute. Everyone feels empty, destroyed or wreck. Everyone is reckless, sick of trying, sick of living. Everyone is dying the way they knew; sickness, tragedy, accidentally. Death is inevitable.
But you know what they said? That's right, ""IT DOESN'T MATTER"".
But because no one tried to understand, so my family said that it's all just happening inside my head, nothing  really serious. And they thought I didn't care, but really, I give a f***k about everything. I just want live but they aren't supporting me. I just want to be happy but they keep on pushing me. I just want to be loved, even just a small part of me. I'm born a mistake, a hindrance, a messed-up big time. But not like this man, not like this. 
I just want to feel like I matter, I know, everyone who I described does too. 
",4.108471615720525,7.133196737991266,4.7291248908296994,77.4720978165939,77.25327510917029,7.856139737991268,28.373973799126638,8.726425361277474,2.8632768908296944,1019,44,162,24,25,325,127,229,0.21,0.631,0.159,-0.4658,0,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,1,8,8,12,24,1,0,11,0,12,11,4,0,1,43,38,10,3,6,16,0,4,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,13,1,1,1,10,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,7,9,23,11,16,29,4,15,0,8,0,2,17,11,0,4,6,101,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038808992047731236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490970529281356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607319531679595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571280770626219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204948084051164,0.0,0.0,0.6691706303902604,0.05721711073534975,0.0,0.06001676648006196,0.0,0.12876175354277106,0.045481584347286885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033261819698018114,0.061072323390203215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629787735752946,0.06777152676780512,0.0,0.0,0.06533764546842014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323273085513463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056587500859071486,0.0,0.0,0.06997615431168147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244120858557864,0.0,0.11243298154345173,0.0,0.0,0.5697899766485711,0.0,0.0,0.11491851655132407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610873384945514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043140383547760286,0.0,0.06774299957999265,0.0,0.0,0.06894192318704456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156959520215834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054368720131640784,0.18167716877945933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370999142456726,0.0,0.0,0.04901166834646672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224516867423683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229554204474335,0.0,0.0,0.05054211580442704,0.03712299855625671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644737302827872,0.0,0.0,0.0662764838424961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020273982231566,0.05053353102506294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069606605202934,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anononn,2018/04/06,"Summer depression Mostly I get  depressed  and anxious on holidays and sunny days. I can’t stand hot weather because it makes me sweat a lot and there’s more people outside watching. It feels like I have nothing to do. Sometimes I don’t want to wake up at all. Going to the beach is a huge struggle. Because the sun is shining like a laser, it burns everything. Eventually I turn red and sweaty + I stink.

And holidays is just a waste of time. If no one’s waiting for you to wake up in the morning, so what’s the point? No one waits for you like in college (you have to wake up, do stuff). I feel like I might kill myself. I have no one to talk to. No one will notice if I’m gone. I can’t sit at home all day anymore and lie to my cousin that I was outside. 

I want to die. help
",-0.2348181818181807,1.9228644727272768,1.8590151515151518,96.42852272727276,89.12121212121212,4.512121212121213,20.977272727272727,5.985473137389443,0.02639999999999976,598,21,137,5,20,199,97,165,0.192,0.664,0.14400000000000002,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,3,0,0,3,9,1,1,8,0,14,4,4,1,2,21,26,9,2,4,3,1,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,2,3,0,2,7,5,0,4,2,7,18,4,20,22,5,18,1,2,3,0,6,10,0,5,8,90,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731095303511527,0.1556540935510861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913528220125703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244196025664904,0.0,0.2703648534173767,0.0,0.16289127488426708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105823198331374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587191756835172,0.22425291292678307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200088083531074,0.0,0.08919937197714355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520153866585433,0.0,0.15743553556568024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364400400952568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067150480447306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343487814053534,0.0,0.0,0.10476660054893733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665011447958715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059956460339036,0.17869075888664473,0.0,0.0,0.4254186310438421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881067347817812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837026061831518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522942538081802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408018585460474,0.1796723554460718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261519781974162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151990505926534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707185786652851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851485739675388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xnoybisian,2018/04/06,"I am so tired of everything. I just want to end this shit. I wish i never existed in this place. I just want to drown in my  own blood. I can't overcome this. Just take my life and set me free.
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suicidewatch,DVGaming15,2018/04/06,"Tips for affected family member? Hi! I'm not depressed or suicidal but I have an 18 year old sister that's been caught in the cycle since 2013. She'll stay clean for a few months and then self-harm or make a suicide threat, rinse and repeat. Not really having many friends myself (autistic and socially awkward), I get kind of lonely when she's gone to a facility. =( Any tips to help me cope?",2.1642307692307696,4.533241769230774,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,80.02564102564101,6.976923076923077,21.28846153846154,8.07648339933343,1.1828923076923077,310,9,61,6,8,102,65,78,0.181,0.6459999999999999,0.173,-0.4019,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,9,8,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,2,6,5,1,10,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,2,6,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636525085716127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727435013240186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268665305826702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859281564951048,0.0,0.12573142603846418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613048462791963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506033979325417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063795844675596,0.2439846923869222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208718243485434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525251749611882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416867777018714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510538951782556,0.0,0.0,0.1990709114652505,0.0,0.0,0.24531575148062515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25650441701022864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264713404841636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497284664192762
suicidewatch,dinoplu,2018/04/06,"Someone please call me I’m done. 

I’m panicking and looking at everything to hang myself. ",2.768235294117648,5.621237882352943,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,81.94117647058823,8.105882352941178,32.029411764705884,8.841846274778883,3.5662000000000003,72,4,12,2,2,24,15,17,0.159,0.7140000000000001,0.126,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343910966923508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353420520316736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38233100963560734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572371944323963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669723490024418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604484486018735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,St-Thomas-Aquinas,2018/04/06,"Bipolar disorder is causing me to witness my own decay. I, for a long time have been dealing with bipolar disorder. While the up's are divine, the low's are too horrible to even describe. My depressive phases tend to last from 2 up to 4 months. 4 months of ineptitude,tiredness, boredom, sadness, psychotic symptoms with the cherry on the top emotional numbness. On the top of that i have unconsciously spiraled into nihilism and i feel as nothing but a disposable commodity in the eyes of time. Life became a chore.
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suicidewatch,brokenjack21,2018/04/06,"Envy I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years... sort of... I wanted her to talk to me, all she did was work and sleep. Sex had stopped years ago, going out stopped, we stopped hanging out or even doing things together months ago. The same day we broke up she started dating a guy who was physically and emotionally abusive to her (former ""friend"" I kicked out of our life). She admitted to having sex and a relationship with him days after. They have literally been doing everything I told her I wanted us to do... I'm physically ill and when I tried to talk to her about the fact that he was physically violent with her she told me I needed to ""let her go"" and that ""she didn't care about her friends or their opinions"". It's been almost 2 weeks since then and I've been thinking a lot about how I envy those who can just let go of... life. It sounds terrible but I'm far too scared to do anything but I can't imagine moving on with my life. I feel more stuck than before and terrified of the future. I'm also being forced to move into a new city with no connections or friends... feeling very isolated and scared. I'm sorry if this is not the correct place for this but I don't know what to do, just felt a need to be heard. I'm sorry.",2.4941666666666684,4.1096889722222265,3.9336507936507945,88.23357142857144,75.94444444444444,7.022222222222222,23.507936507936506,7.793537801064563,1.0129079365079363,959,29,207,14,21,317,142,252,0.2,0.78,0.02,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,4,0,2,1,10,10,1,2,9,0,24,7,1,1,3,52,48,19,0,5,10,0,3,0,4,0,4,2,0,1,11,19,0,3,7,0,0,6,5,6,0,0,14,5,34,4,35,30,4,34,0,2,0,2,34,9,0,8,19,142,45,1,0.0,0.13623638613467773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385148235571693,0.0,0.11513914692093655,0.0,0.0,0.09195208851294193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462144329903073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784230346708926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723311851888606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830940821737834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934071513544707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759453728652055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033395590672652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627800377219183,0.0,0.11040198183398504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665073937110327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604294565989014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385152613229715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319180432964823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23515639096890434,0.2436482761244793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775467391983436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177855812881594,0.2444180621339508,0.0,0.1705172922715117,0.0,0.1110515695852911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013305601413014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234490128239572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302366471529259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511535849543848,0.0,0.11506632085017993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574287391899266,0.08138575831952874,0.0,0.0,0.2883935153308412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483841203860216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638978286812365,0.0736766438353492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197429055639921,0.0,0.07806610030158763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831072988535534,0.0,0.0,0.0948732490955154,0.13564023684914553,0.0,0.09223265257389578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370919823034971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809092656391035
suicidewatch,daveR96,2018/04/06,"To kill you or to kill myself? I'm tired of this world. I get abuse on a daily basis and try my hardest to be positive and polite but people... in this crappy town want to make me feel absolutely miserable 24/7. And you wanna know what the worst part is? My family members are to do with most of it. And, I am literally on the brink of getting a knife and killing as many people as I can get away with until I either get killed myself or arrested. I feel as if no one truly cares and I'm stuck. I know I need help but I swear this now... I will go berserk on the next person who starts being a passive bullying cunt to me. It's either gonna be me or them DEAD.",1.4143617021276604,2.865273645390072,3.7215780141843986,89.30875,78.5035460992908,6.68581560283688,20.26063829787234,7.492282038375204,0.4870468085106378,508,12,115,7,12,176,90,141,0.35600000000000004,0.551,0.093,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,2,1,0,1,8,5,1,6,0,9,1,0,1,0,25,27,16,5,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,1,2,19,1,21,21,5,13,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,5,4,82,26,0,0.0,0.18443097826511534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462471642952809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870516935273304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467418631043487,0.0,0.15741217596024748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32530252321071484,0.0,0.08846484475957266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433523891768784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6888564131177742,0.0,0.1710927105675511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390388237178144,0.15781423658150326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541949958091452,0.0,0.0,0.16554557630526973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547886245983576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856400049184012,0.0,0.21582930740584413,0.13591581561627258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017655010960588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890762347166211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568253941888432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181196846145716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anewtmrw,2018/04/06,"When your hopes of a fairytale ends For me it was being medically discharged from the military. The diagnosis they gave me, screwed me over really really badly for getting a job in the future. Also, I’ve reached an age (35) and an attractiveness level (too low) to know I’ll never be married or even have a proper gf. My life seems absolutely pointless. I failed, the journey is over. There is no fairytale for me, no happy ending. I can’t stand watching movies now, I remember in the past I would always think “someday” when you saw others succeed in the movie, whether it was their career or love life. Now I just know, it’s over. ",4.560404040404038,6.052425132231406,5.549201101928379,79.22359963269055,70.40495867768595,8.022405876951332,29.14692378328742,8.515128840125781,2.2296053259871447,495,19,91,8,9,163,86,121,0.113,0.748,0.138,0.5024,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,2,2,9,9,1,0,11,0,9,5,0,0,1,13,18,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,2,14,5,12,11,0,20,0,2,2,2,7,8,1,4,10,66,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798077349390054,0.18518735550302534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582790889496803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942433638648085,0.0,0.0,0.14699846870720634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627816715666164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369187551827949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210518280388503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208559892483347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446257914301325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314400751858122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008686626027657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242053092049716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716516277368616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245825184854036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28515466417439994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521165589315214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026098348123012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260715847040778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580999025786285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sdfgregre,2018/04/06,please help me everyone hates me and no one will be my friend people are lying and making people think im a liar and idk what to do please im crying so bad i wish i was dead,1.2506666666666677,1.9716434000000047,3.4750000000000014,93.89666666666668,77.5,6.333333333333334,15.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.6171666666666664,136,1,34,1,3,47,31,40,0.414,0.363,0.223,-0.912,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,9,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213579045926008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25276970301242924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988403131060832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777857020468556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271901854171764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424073405504926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971257648903354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360305160978693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593137411542893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31906449968579803,0.0,0.0,0.5051926984091487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744792254723976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26462003595692857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,medicatedlipstick,2018/04/06,"I just tried to kill myself I stopped because, after five seconds of feeling floaty and feeling like my body was losing its strength, something inside me panicked and scrambled to untie the knot. I tried again after that but my brother came home because he forgot something and I had to untie myself again. Started bawling after he got his thing and left. I couldn't try again after that. I was too numb and frazzled to stand up for a while. Right now my throat kinda hurts in the way it would hurt after running a lot.

I read a lot of stories where the person trying to kill themselves realized that they didn't actually want to die and were just trying to call out for help. I don't feel that way at all. I still want to die. But now I'm scared to try again.

(Sorry if this was too explicit, I'm new to Reddit. Feel free to delete or tell me to delete this post if it is too explicit)",2.9728838951310865,4.762829696629218,3.688561797752808,89.75325468164795,75.06741573033706,5.6455430711610495,24.22621722846442,6.079149491110277,0.5750617228464421,698,22,140,4,15,221,103,178,0.217,0.711,0.07200000000000001,-0.9848,0,0,2,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,2,13,10,2,1,6,0,10,3,2,0,3,32,22,12,4,6,7,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,8,0,2,5,1,1,2,3,7,0,2,9,4,18,4,25,11,3,29,0,3,0,0,9,7,0,6,17,99,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.12095451094341315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111402959495887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767731004738396,0.0,0.0,0.1265638691146289,0.14176248704353264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572750866669184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506855551882156,0.08854784832634317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913183580485188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307914281161105,0.0,0.12432906884021575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265375914085113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742582511708018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466891011472396,0.0,0.0,0.06055430272724944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866512445151333,0.0,0.2107508205236084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970890225529153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822584558271063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870708019568675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398066329667155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585016447873836,0.0,0.0,0.1240926913169275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908410991941558,0.0,0.1387486547577421,0.08773041051133115,0.0,0.09898433129525716,0.10362534351299624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833524733373227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234495995700325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049117561518367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462144471752663,0.1967669114793604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804847885811054,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonclaude,2018/04/06,"I believe that I'm one of the most unlovable individuals alive I'm not doing so swell due to recent news. My uncle I never got to meet is dying and has been in critical condition after a heart attack so severe he had to be on various forms of life support. This especially hurts because he was a Vietnam vet and I'm really into history and would have loved to learn about his experience. This is my mom's brother and she doesn't deserve this as my other uncle a few years ago was diagnosed with cancer and told he had 10 years left. It luckily went into remission which was a miracle. Death is very cruel on my mom and she reacts the worst to it out of everyone in my family. Back in 2016, my sister's boyfriend of 7 years drank himself to death and very similarly was put on life support with absolutely no chance of ever waking up due to the severity of his poisoning. The plug was pulled and even the sight of his body in the hospital comes into my sight every now and then. Because of all this death material, it's made me feel very lifeless and gone at the moment. And I don't want to imagine what this is and will do to my mom. I care about her with as much love possible.

Talking about me as a person, I've endured nothing but abusive relationships (accept literally one) which is not my fault and I've learned to accept that. I often fall in love with idealized versions of people and then I see how insanely off the rocks and broken they are. I've been told everything imaginable from how they hate the way I talk, that my feelings don't mean shit, and that I am not loved. I've gone through relationships with cheating, gaslighting, suicide manipulation, lies, yelling, abuse, physical harm, you know it. And very unfortunately, it has all been to me. Somehow I'm still here and stable. Somehow. I was on antidepressants for a while and they honestly helped but started making me develop anxiety so I stopped. I have other mental illness but have seen a therapist and known how to cope and get a lot of stuff virtually fixed. So, I've been severely tolerant throughout all of this which is remarkable and terrifying. I have no clue how I've done it.
I've recently been sweet on this girl who I've loved for a year and I've been so excited to ask her to prom but now it's just...gone.

I know that she will never love me and I think I have to accept that I am, well, unlovable. I have no clue IF a healthy relationship will ever occur to me and it even scares me to think someone will...love me one day. But it's been proven that love is just going to forever be unobtainable and that I may never feel as if I deserve any form of it. This has been a really bad night and I've never felt so lonely and my heart has just been in so much insane pain as I think about my uncle, and my abuse, and my trauma, and this girl who I will never have a chance with. It's all so painful and I feel so lost. I know that there's beauty in the world and I know that there ARE good things out there. But do I deserve them? Do I seriously deserve something good out of any of this? 

And what scares me most in the world is thinking that I'm going to die unloved. It feels like this closer and closer reality and god I am terrified.",4.075515297906602,5.1464285000000025,5.364098228663448,81.69507246376814,71.09876543209877,8.721202361782073,27.66720343531938,9.085049710711278,2.1207712292002148,2540,88,518,50,46,849,271,648,0.207,0.64,0.152,-0.9928,0,2,1,0,3,1,60.0,0,1,4,2,35,43,6,2,23,0,57,21,5,8,11,116,107,65,6,5,13,5,6,1,0,6,8,1,0,3,45,49,1,1,23,1,0,9,14,22,1,3,29,12,64,21,75,70,15,66,0,3,4,7,44,27,1,9,30,370,109,3,0.0,0.2302248414131189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574145137589251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880913609654261,0.0,0.04954871457812501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055101343941295,0.07368499032939935,0.0,0.0498039730332326,0.05408007195452298,0.07896612962662526,0.0,0.0,0.07297337719457822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194463903177843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603712093159095,0.0,0.0,0.05579344180313405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041771158395679464,0.0,0.0,0.06573997678794513,0.13444163919058685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628198611955201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555967520878326,0.11717597232870244,0.05457134433848992,0.061890313129607626,0.05821091382161692,0.06335728617885561,0.06105919674242773,0.0,0.1637477679899644,0.04627155326238503,0.062189158810815666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033839543715290625,0.0,0.07362033228543624,0.10865165924607936,0.05180232052095583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394676153440294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350503378748862,0.04341382714837912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933740330926984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238313804576133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037256991491407,0.0,0.09149764093106996,0.031643249349029366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070388052590383,0.05506496205875802,0.4092008705309371,0.06128674447165557,0.04323433996152293,0.0,0.0,0.07055329279980854,0.0,0.0,0.06527271761044671,0.0,0.0,0.2275727972452347,0.0,0.0,0.09522650114062392,0.0,0.2497722875514701,0.0,0.0,0.06078206336917201,0.0,0.062148363505208325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166906455023175,0.0,0.1378392533243554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044903219384314914,0.056554485206584376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301821008535568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511153178550559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298637620377901,0.0,0.12790471396008107,0.2086155556996774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969172451445485,0.0,0.051613139472468775,0.0,0.0,0.2195142912604381,0.0664852620371881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054879235662042614,0.049862951234397115,0.0,0.0,0.045844393053402696,0.0,0.05172524058167827,0.054150447383237606,0.0,0.0,0.07414591727078662,0.0708476412878325,0.14699998771961664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411901280805744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520272213195796,0.04303017264176578,0.1660074729823008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378062625921525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376745079707826,0.038202902205291336,0.05141124712165114,0.0,0.0,0.058235822700120725,0.060042247273344965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601060281148559,0.0,0.0,0.16683849325046904
suicidewatch,kayleighhhh,2018/04/06,"I would’ve done it tonight if I wasn’t so afraid of what comes after. I’m just going to vent, you don’t have to read if you don’t want to.


I’m a 20 year old girl in college. I lost two good friends to suicide. The last one I lost two years ago on March 19th and it’s not gotten any easier and the idea of being with her somewhere makes it sound much less scary. I’m just so tired of not being enough for my family and friends. I’m so alone. I have friends but they only want to talk if they need help but if I come around basically pleading for help, no one is there. I just don’t feel that anyone would miss me because no one really knows I’m here at this point. I know how ridiculous that sounds. Ever so often, more often now than ever before, I have these fucking breakdowns and anxiety attacks where nothing at all matters to me and I just fall apart. I used to self harm and I’ve been clean for several years but no matter what, whenever anything goes wrong, it is always my first thought. I’m so sick of living my life as this anxious lonely person. If I could, I would do it right now. I’m scared for my family but I know they’d be able to move on. I’ll also have random bouts of recklessness where I just want to wrap my car around a tree or drive off a cliff. I don’t even realize it’s happening until I’m about to do it. I know I need to talk to a professional but I’m scared they’ll lock me up or diagnose me with something that’ll go in my file and ruin my future. I don’t know what to do anymore.


TLDR; I’m sad and want to die but I can’t go through with it.",1.3326852317281563,2.7314002478134114,3.0933125565497166,93.95128279883384,78.59183673469387,6.247069468181362,20.573941892027744,6.953978226594392,0.18656658288931327,1227,30,292,13,29,409,173,343,0.21600000000000005,0.713,0.07,-0.9952,0,3,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,2,4,3,26,18,3,3,6,0,27,5,0,3,3,64,63,30,2,14,20,0,1,0,3,4,4,2,1,3,17,15,0,0,9,1,0,9,12,14,0,6,7,3,38,4,42,47,5,40,0,6,0,1,17,15,1,10,16,187,55,3,0.09741082647381513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634882023608986,0.0,0.0,0.10088823865870077,0.0,0.0778994027375477,0.08105361104482431,0.0,0.0,0.06624270236176681,0.0,0.0745190156273117,0.1100465070260143,0.09660536479212968,0.06811191478502009,0.0,0.08016081024763014,0.17343257571240622,0.0,0.11081887779746727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938073568383461,0.0,0.08288943868283533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782160332630705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777461854825075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886993838913367,0.1010970586937056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968509579929168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065142330272056,0.0,0.06433893218257028,0.17622733884125805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366051571593567,0.0,0.049253840733009466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285759923628339,0.0,0.0,0.2257780886870005,0.09005473941789616,0.0,0.0,0.16608245255533846,0.08170357962087743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861400721466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305848473066037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996496620238752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676722135840742,0.07940282482597806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880414751884134,0.0,0.0,0.08601554442545048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267084818170007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502248307873561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353229255811723,0.07160816569160025,0.14445778708446688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934683151861438,0.0,0.10221627611951392,0.0,0.19802429109198347,0.07408532303329017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505537636620375,0.0,0.0,0.0920847169793928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743718722688002,0.0,0.06240386978589293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318831356492479,0.0,0.0,0.19505046151272687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162073652404817,0.1100465070260143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499161328193893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655163374544893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659026492625314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773333153253047,0.0,0.11195941532019486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903124462364734,0.0,0.0,0.0841316780890521,0.0,0.0,0.2298217171269749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759356882155086,0.10650344694139208,0.0,0.188188135529216
suicidewatch,Oneredbluee,2018/04/06,"I'm just so done I've been thinking about how I'll finally do it all night, I can't stop.

My life sucks, I'm 27 and have never been with anyone, ever. I'm probably the most unattractive woman ever actually, it's sad but it's something I've accepted. The one thing that gets to me more is how in my entire life, I've never really had friends either. Maybe in grade school but nothing irl since. How fucking sad is that? It's my fault too because I have so much social anxiety I can't even pretend to be a normal human. I did manage to make a few online friends last year but even then I do not fit in. They are really nice and normal while I am a shitty person who can't even give any advice because I've never actually lived. Once they realize how actually awful i am I won't have them either, even though they know I don't belong.

Maybe I don't actually have a problem, maybe I've just wanted excuse to explain why I am the way I am. Maybe I don't have depression either. But for someone who thinks about dying all the time has to have something wrong with them. This can't just be who I am. I can't do this anymore.

I am so tired of dealing with myself and I am tired of everything. I'm tired of being alone and unable to connect with people, of not even being able to do adult things. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing myself. I am tired of going to work at my awful job, and I am just tired of waking up every single damn day.

Thanks for reading if you did. I figured it out and just need the courage now.",1.7704037267080748,3.4110543944099416,3.8465527950310574,87.96746894409941,78.03726708074534,6.214906832298138,21.43788819875776,7.021680442328713,0.548669565217391,1193,32,253,13,28,408,154,322,0.227,0.698,0.075,-0.9957,1,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,5,1,24,15,3,0,10,2,42,10,1,5,7,53,62,22,1,6,15,0,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,4,14,12,0,1,7,2,0,1,14,9,0,1,6,2,33,6,30,51,10,25,0,3,2,1,20,8,3,2,15,181,47,6,0.08054095051722042,0.0,0.31438539813207705,0.0,0.0,0.07870368469949605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341613485605917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477060821858628,0.0,0.061613606695397775,0.0,0.07987498091408207,0.0563161052720158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819403176244414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194225009701448,0.0830341834419848,0.06936980266267108,0.0,0.08358879086068563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242135559986569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659826910841444,0.14570780159852706,0.06785922451347022,0.0,0.07238501301440868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882286744810555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445147715827685,0.07445881093358392,0.042079322440104636,0.07726221870704901,0.0457732782458694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992446571580251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044263200076441,0.0656516243290031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137769104583904,0.0,0.0,0.07111913488532229,0.0,0.06763411367774019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376170988097498,0.0,0.3236568409363088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920686579069751,0.05972009427784055,0.1863544386929494,0.0,0.0,0.07558222606679425,0.15782606208780434,0.07728121422272059,0.0,0.0,0.08577348372857264,0.054576632486651226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583695403722487,0.07032525138235464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683676690099963,0.07706681235202076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056274604226678,0.0,0.1031931905404728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151174179955846,0.0641807098902088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662430655506245,0.0,0.0,0.08210135629124131,0.0682420860079776,0.12400871716596608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733584101742983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415128621828983,0.0,0.0,0.10701565744978198,0.10321477798077933,0.07913107495442759,0.0,0.046964075939758126,0.5554198474025684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750513935912959,0.06392965764790545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267568049831398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058634771214627485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805888586035024,0.0,0.051865731494301084
suicidewatch,whereisvicsage2,2018/04/06,"Worried about a friend I hope this type of post is allowed here. I have a friend (well, ex boyfriend now) who is constantly talking about ending it or being worthless. This has been a recurring theme before so I’m not sure how to react. He’s recently used a lot of phrases like “last wish” and how he wants to make me hate him so this is less hard on me. I have no idea how to tell if this is genuine or not. He’s struggled with issues with drugs and alcohol and I’m really worried he might actually go through with it. He doesn’t have any real friends anymore and his family is pretty toxic so I don’t have anyone really to turn to. I really don’t know what to do I’m so stuck. I feel like if I call the police it’ll be a mistake and he’ll just hate me and get out of whatever they do and just be worse off than before. I’m also afraid I won’t do or say anything and he’ll go through with it and the guilt of it all will eat me alive. I love him and I really can’t stand to lose him like this, I know he’s hurting but I don’t know where to begin. He won’t listen to my advice or pleas to get help, he says it won’t work or just dismisses it. I know this post is messy and just me rambling but if anyone has any suggestions please help me out here.",0.3697310083806471,2.1635699525547487,2.579456609894568,94.64411868072456,83.05109489051095,5.957069478237362,19.272235739389025,7.0931098945946705,0.15447110029737754,973,25,232,13,27,330,132,274,0.105,0.7709999999999999,0.124,0.7933,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,19,19,2,3,7,0,30,4,0,7,2,55,57,29,0,7,16,1,2,3,3,8,2,3,0,0,15,17,2,0,6,0,0,2,11,9,1,0,2,5,25,10,27,44,3,17,0,3,0,1,30,5,0,11,10,147,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.10868577837534127,0.0,0.0,0.10883420519395166,0.0,0.11902583330969756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906641975940709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147742157737432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045391452583216,0.15575175623100135,0.0,0.09165200403171107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954357234856134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372616466825007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035663601134346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915945588111855,0.11396426665511808,0.0,0.0,0.09864505093452426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499428757558447,0.0,0.056314465828050886,0.07956620835177176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581437766246226,0.0,0.11637751473402433,0.0,0.12659377705203406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976998089609172,0.21991919410250252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930441589665755,0.0,0.0,0.11062034689588104,0.0,0.0,0.11922907033166295,0.1257286384031548,0.0,0.11624639745550225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24483479867829686,0.0907853600605907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632363640153818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459995800881715,0.0,0.09468690664445867,0.10052014197197408,0.0,0.074343570915444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815110541696427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222561297009806,0.0,0.0,0.21333262081921334,0.11330825283025825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676895161607024,0.2853982991211155,0.0,0.10996921869483207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771394869485405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643316542663913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496946916329183,0.0,0.0,0.08951887804035738,0.09734651969665142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114384444170233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619210279427516,0.0,0.0,0.06569176658652531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013935724654792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807557013117174,0.0,0.0,0.0810822103976288,0.2262131137097677,0.11350047755226368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spiderman1216,2018/04/06,"I need help URGENT!!!!   I have a friend who lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma Homeless living on the street I fear she might be suicidal No car because of this she doesn't have a job it's because her car busted. I don't know what to do I just fear for her safety

I want her to get the help she needs not just made to stay alive longer, not just to prolong her suffering I want it to end and I think this is fixable 

Please pm me if you want more details I just don't want to be sharing her info with everyone but I fear for her safety.",-0.07782845473110811,2.0252541238938093,1.8973451327433644,96.94151123213072,87.4070796460177,4.8928522804629,18.426820966643973,6.297961479604792,-0.22323907420013667,408,11,95,4,13,135,68,113,0.128,0.679,0.193,0.3855,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,21,20,3,1,7,8,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,1,0,21,2,12,16,1,7,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,2,1,64,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494888651428406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488899649710151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606302704958283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5674901279839256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298764864363271,0.0,0.08782723475739182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253527069252197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668169639202833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238538642727538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968772590959182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906376692059818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783314396430786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929349788553445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452736043243512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791761563427541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387814196745034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771405063678398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966076243376426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ApprehensiveSlide,2018/04/06,"When is it okay? I've heard too many people shaming those who struggle with suicidal thoughts, calling them ""selfish"". I know that my death could hurt those around me, but I still have constant thoughts of doing it anyway. It's not my fault. It just hurts too much sometimes. So from a community that understands, when is it okay if ever?",3.7814285714285694,6.300728333333336,3.4891269841269827,88.74892857142858,75.19047619047619,6.104761904761905,27.96031746031746,7.1686216300943375,1.4713936507936505,267,11,50,3,6,80,49,63,0.193,0.7120000000000001,0.095,-0.7829,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,12,10,5,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,6,2,4,6,1,6,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474802066487208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348548642440657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485473900730941,0.0,0.18363561909068365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080474136221009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924377289671546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640152680244987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331830548349301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690758512761747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945246231891808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274750565374097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367763131184364,0.0,0.0,0.2404450667930973,0.0,0.25158175756053736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651872937772648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394372434779805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mercilessbandit,2018/04/06,"I just don't know anymore I'm in a dark place, i mean i just want to feel loved but the only person i have any feeling for won't even let me say i have feelings for her. I've had a lot to drink tonight and i say let's just see what happens, i mean hey there's a reason I'm here.",0.3841791044776137,0.8593686119402975,2.668835820895524,99.79519402985076,79.29850746268656,5.36,20.86268656716418,3.1291,-0.59496776119403,215,5,60,0,5,74,45,67,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.5187,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,1,0,14,19,2,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,5,15,1,3,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,1,1,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970167582625936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373461338523316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124640631316734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568674474797476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116197186689278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816639721150703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290075880540275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201388971239248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465202931617976,0.18541155693761585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475541361229479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562412675340071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793764172164874,0.21463405461337226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211219627942617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32673758140350123,0.0,0.0,0.16370372758319135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116987184703748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babyelectroshock,2018/04/06,Why can’t I catch a break? Why do bad things happen to me continuously? Why am I always making horrible decisions? I want to fucking die so bad. I just want it to be over. I can’t do this anymore. I just want to stop being in pain everyday.,-0.701848739495798,1.4670680588235283,2.7533893557422964,88.29882352941178,93.90196078431372,6.0515406162464975,19.050420168067227,7.447530270364453,0.7578773109243695,185,6,41,4,7,67,34,51,0.36,0.573,0.068,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,8,13,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,6,11,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442685065009934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198128245595808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701295469909407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003308433176775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490773653222066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600042510116167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795012364136154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358464890422833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530560181362926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725145262594933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39219685854544506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6000018938711613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,practicalmailbox,2018/04/06,"So tired of everything I hardly ever leave my house anymore because I don't have a license/car and I have an infant and it's been too cold to take him outside for walks. The only time I leave my house is when I go with my mom to the store.

I have no job because I'm unable to get one due to my really bad anxiety. I babysit for my sister almost every day of the week and that's how I get money even though im seriously underpaid. Her children and mini Satans and I can't stand watching them anymore. It makes me so sad and angry and irritable whenever I have to watch them and i can't wait until they leave. Having to watch them is making me start to resent them and I don't want to not like them but i can t help it anymore. 

I have absolutely no friends. The only person I interact with besides my nephew/niece and  son is my mom and she's hardly ever home anymore. I'm left home alone most of the day when I don't babysit. I feel like I'm trapped all the time and I can't take it anymore. I'm so fucking lonely and I can't really do anything about it.

I keep thinking I'm over my ex and then I have random days where I cry a lot because of him. He basically has nothing to do with our kid so I'm raising him on my own which gets to be too much at times when I just want ten minutes to myself and can t have that. I love my son and love being with him but it would be great to have like an hour to myself for once. My ex has a new girlfriend now and that depresses me at times and I can't help but think of what he's probably doing at the moment and that it could be me instead of her with him

My thoughts are a mess all the time and are all over the place. I feel like I'm losing my mind and every day it gets worse. 

The loneliness and being trapped in my house and watching my sister's kids are all getting to be way too much for me and it's killing me. I don't know what to do.

If I didn't have my kid, I'd probably have tried to kill myself by now to be honest. 

I'm only 20 so I'm hoping that things will get better and won't always be depressing like they are now but I honestly don't think anything will ever get better 

I'm so fucked up from my kid's dad because he always beat the shit out of me and mentally abused me so bad and cheating on me and so many other horrible things and I can't get past that either 




I don't think there's any hope for me anymore.",1.8131405353728447,2.7912273671128105,3.8136477055449336,91.00861687380498,76.47609942638623,6.683154875717018,22.826434034416828,7.066338657993696,0.55907499043977,1855,51,435,19,40,634,208,523,0.195,0.693,0.112,-0.9924,1,5,0,0,1,2,24.0,1,0,7,4,28,31,7,0,17,0,53,6,1,3,7,74,95,49,2,7,8,9,4,5,2,4,1,0,2,7,21,35,0,2,8,0,3,2,17,16,0,2,3,9,77,15,48,79,10,44,1,5,4,4,42,13,3,7,32,293,98,2,0.0,0.07965446648307375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731936731085209,0.06962817757817251,0.0,0.0,0.11187855587950513,0.0,0.0,0.04571750587208165,0.0,0.05142941657056668,0.0,0.4000340724059478,0.0,0.0,0.110646220113207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122655379618379,0.16392683483764992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189158230926008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367627607883913,0.0,0.07384706051203252,0.17342660240998048,0.0,0.11580716240794264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04440361586996202,0.1824353652036378,0.11328537681335095,0.0,0.060420403664860976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798523226412274,0.09605573054155364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519403684095113,0.12430284186361025,0.2809918287664189,0.0,0.03820735582556172,0.0,0.0,0.07411936758754277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044658906858086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012333903500656,0.0,0.13487080443766256,0.1335456150790341,0.06620627041762296,0.2327170745163531,0.0,0.0,0.07261803136300297,0.0,0.06671365079793347,0.059755545156851525,0.14875616500679473,0.0,0.0369468803657563,0.0,0.0,0.21355498497489853,0.07304367518129871,0.0,0.0,0.16422160153636084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752111998291378,0.0,0.0571550421897843,0.12135221561105908,0.0,0.0897507392055054,0.06815887947123099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775024969391766,0.0,0.06788135380008113,0.15747379508975046,0.0,0.0,0.09884097776132493,0.0,0.0,0.06492944930790921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450730565065878,0.0,0.0,0.07159587730667592,0.0455555926315277,0.15339030882129487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641769583482998,0.0,0.058701102609581425,0.07023919787718898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496681814688478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613625898884858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900881821510252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475844915018068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010945337128254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932690556108944,0.17230855642828502,0.06605140058798044,0.05337170996110705,0.1960066253951306,0.0772689676725821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456435593042663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930591089795724,0.05336264456392277,0.05392643581891315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851131600928627,0.04775701002139544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eggsthrow,2018/04/06,"How do I save myself? I'm 15 and am a NEET and its a shit life.  I have no friends and I'm disgraceful in the eyes of society.  My entire days are spent trying to find something to pass the time, or else I'll have dark thoughts.  I contemplate suicide every day. How am I supposed to talk about this with anyone without getting thrown in a hospital?  I was put in one when I was 10 and it was disgusting, you get treated like a lab rat for university students to study.  That fear is so big I can't bring myself to talk about it.  I have a psychiatrist and a counselor, but they don't make me feel any better. I don't even know if talking will help.  ",1.7092222222222233,3.4335503851851854,3.39453703703704,90.7629166666667,78.48148148148148,6.5740740740740735,24.583333333333336,7.492282038375204,1.0257777777777783,502,18,112,7,12,167,93,135,0.085,0.809,0.106,0.5733,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,1,7,8,2,1,8,0,15,3,2,3,0,18,25,12,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,1,3,5,3,0,1,5,2,15,5,14,19,0,11,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,2,5,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966062537600665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360151798280985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163565469520876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648970814066753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156271839019493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356468740597222,0.0,0.173035539339985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311016275009065,0.10384271706452257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770712452432364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867060540505884,0.0,0.21459774424741032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765713647875538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286758363441485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506096412652605,0.10033483294119702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370880161362248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391660029332231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064565048988731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108123469234552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810610430283614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464463666436246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952129113323461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304315487837998,0.11975459884937145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943472889043726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979721622157653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karchean,2018/04/06,"I don’t want to live I’m a 17 year old female and I’ve been suicidal since I was 10. I’ve been hospitalized for a suicide attempt before, and I’m addicted to self harming.  My last suicide attempt was in January and I hung myself but unfortunately I survived. I see a therapist and psychiatrist but nothing seems to get better. I was molested as a child for a couple of years by my brother, sexually assaulted for a year by someone who claimed to be a friend, and I was raped in January by someone I liked. I was also beat up as a kid not only by peers but also my family.  I’m diagnosed bipolar with ptsd and anxiety, before my bipolar diagnosis I had major depressive disorder. I also have schizophrenic tendencies.My therapist suspects I have body dysmorphia as well. I’m rapidly losing friends and constantly getting in arguments with family.  I feel like I have nothing to live for. The happiest I’ve been was actually in an emotionally abusive relationship that I kept up with for over a year. I’m still not over him unfortunately. I just don’t know why I’m still here. I’ve come so close to death. So many people dismiss me because I get good grades and my life on the outside seems great because I appear so happy. Sometimes I want to die just so I can make others feel bad for putting me down. I wish I wasn’t here anymore. Life never seems to get any better, I’m always under constant pain",3.8997818181818182,5.65095546909091,5.933727272727275,74.78459090909094,72.49090909090908,9.21818181818182,32.13636363636364,9.688023934748609,3.400418181818182,1114,54,202,29,22,388,142,275,0.233,0.59,0.177,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,7,14,18,3,0,12,0,18,10,1,1,1,34,43,21,5,3,7,1,2,2,2,0,8,0,0,3,3,13,0,1,7,0,0,3,6,8,1,0,12,3,31,10,36,30,1,26,0,2,1,1,9,12,0,4,13,128,34,1,0.0,0.1116147447481314,0.0919282046117657,0.1026948012731958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260014929847847,0.07838415727719435,0.0,0.0,0.06406103729936982,0.0,0.07206477497767064,0.0,0.09342372301586137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865528398388599,0.11485013104482565,0.0,0.16031904598897204,0.0,0.0,0.16662919013857175,0.0,0.10463791577276972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114724797619094,0.0,0.20359921283215165,0.0,0.0,0.1042334485207328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113661068155288,0.09561371419213577,0.09776748557848718,0.0,0.10796440658208313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596531011261948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761176292968867,0.0,0.09526338799111707,0.06729839718573105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556147867448,0.0,0.19686800143679925,0.0,0.0,0.07901271951438335,0.0,0.10385876221937218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028048036930856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177131683055,0.07678773874702535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307624548541375,0.09204531997715516,0.0,0.1663653445075853,0.0,0.0,0.10538867739342343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628810052321879,0.0955067087934946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265489670644802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807799806459801,0.0,0.09884984222615607,0.0,0.0,0.07164536579822106,0.10023826913055008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530826133948286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011786524431638,0.09469968951819116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113839956187397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506732139559258,0.2572756835588756,0.09827391638258116,0.0,0.0,0.07792541156810016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963521163383187,0.0,0.09316883680883876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046072758586496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30912725207368513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187530915500461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112633594469558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469950218197031,0.0,0.08500324591209635,0.0,0.10832840683283124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265369093988
suicidewatch,Bennybooboo226,2018/04/06,"I’m writing this with a noose around my neck The only reason I came here is because I am afraid. Not of death but of the pain. My mom constantly screams at me, I’m autistic (aspergers), and my dad left last year. I am 15 years old and failing all of my classes. My mom also just took my tv that I paid for so I threw water on her that I was holding. She threatened to call the police on me for assault. I am now lying in bed with a noose around my neck. I am going asleep with it around in the hopes I won’t wake up in the morning. Please convince me otherwise. My brother now fears for his life because of me also because when I get mad I scream and he thinks I’m going to hurt him ( he’s 10 years old ). ",0.4005482456140364,2.2070262039473723,2.3356842105263134,96.36545614035087,83.01315789473685,4.842807017543858,21.31754385964912,5.6839178017228535,-0.08037771929824533,541,17,127,3,15,180,92,152,0.24,0.696,0.065,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,2,2,7,0,7,7,4,1,1,19,19,8,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,10,1,1,2,1,1,5,2,9,0,0,5,2,27,2,22,13,1,26,0,2,0,0,12,11,0,1,10,81,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436174102156499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067861253484378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785550441137673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553377908912402,0.1742112934536156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460172108946966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140017507478764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079579904590928,0.0,0.17313173807896645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128621146290672,0.0,0.0,0.1630596436630174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241595562233231,0.0,0.0,0.16549402813362302,0.0,0.10758675703271077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35678616403414354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196643824602919,0.0,0.0,0.11584475553148615,0.16207716511674528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671994999978416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660834393280973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759926856920904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923097966708672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942635283443675
suicidewatch,why_me_385396773001,2018/04/06,"Legit never thought I would, but honestly what’s the tucking point. I got fucked in a comedy of errors. But honestly it’s fitting. This is fucking it for me, the only decision is what sad way to go out. Fuck you I hope you die. But I hope you see me do it first.",-0.5244642857142843,1.6052511964285756,2.4907142857142865,91.45428571428572,90.60714285714286,6.057142857142857,20.5,7.447530270364453,0.8383142857142856,201,7,45,4,7,71,40,56,0.28800000000000003,0.479,0.233,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,0,8,3,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,10,13,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,1,9,4,5,10,0,8,0,1,1,3,3,4,3,2,2,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892771855254094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958214947701394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6384925648277386,0.0,0.0,0.13083697980730094,0.0,0.1841246556099124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457312592455285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755666527606695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508953711700934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762840210911685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834522360146066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276567921485634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273463573742332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353874328162885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Affen320,2018/04/06,"uhhhhh I’m superrrr depressed lol does anyone wanna talk, I’m so bored of life and litteraly I read an article on ways to kill myself every week so eventually I think I willl, I just want someone to have a convo with LOL I’m 19",-1.0027083333333309,0.8235191458333342,2.9608333333333365,83.33416666666669,107.54166666666666,6.3000000000000025,17.833333333333332,7.3871296695380915,1.2011083333333334,181,6,36,5,9,67,37,48,0.205,0.649,0.146,-0.6259,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353635857580401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899192942969204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29456723534712714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836060897873691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724060022226077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377556250792881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33669829785698074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28520619430029104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27055212266584305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568430674881672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853965197866968,0.267183133272745,0.2700059977550264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuckyDuck99,2018/04/06,"I feel if I can't beat my parents in terms of age at death then they have somehow beat me. Meaning I have to go on for decades to not let them win. Does that make sense or am I just being an arsehole. People die every day and they don't beat their parents in terms of age, but still it kills me to think they'd win one more victory if I check out now at this time in history. 

On the other hand I hate my life and scream night and day so yeah maybe they'd still win if I don't die. 

It just feels wrong to let them win but fuck I don't want to get to their ages either. Son of a bitch. ",0.12681818181818372,1.5543898636363664,1.8409090909090933,101.45636363636366,82.18181818181819,5.3090909090909095,17.060606060606062,5.985473137389443,-0.7826939393939392,450,8,120,3,12,147,81,132,0.329,0.622,0.05,-0.9933,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,8,7,7,10,4,0,3,1,12,3,1,1,0,21,22,11,4,4,10,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,6,0,1,0,4,20,4,18,17,4,22,0,0,0,1,11,8,2,5,13,77,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315120035479608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725639226287793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707263800538154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151227805851516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815107614912802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659353269143767,0.09377595529510216,0.0,0.10200812764047554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720890982957005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985787492937254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670807393454314,0.1267788767743087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981076238959575,0.0,0.18032151949332706,0.19551689252025956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684389158792353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162685973640168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986041209887288,0.0,0.0,0.12443555176209375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28668139790691666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500974640806726,0.0,0.0,0.1046618821410754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586767006931533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624380015934909,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,violeddit,2018/04/06,"What’s the easiest way I can kill myself while making it look like an accident? I was thinking about letting some disease just take me. Get bitten by as many mosquitoes and hope one of them gives me dengue. Things like that. 

Or maybe just throw myself to the middle of the road, but I don’t want the driver to feel guilty.

I don’t want people to mourn. I want people to just shrug it off and say “well, it happens”.",1.9871428571428569,4.0607850952380975,2.8335714285714317,93.44892857142858,79.0,5.628571428571429,18.833333333333336,6.6274283507984215,-0.0335666666666663,324,7,69,3,8,102,60,84,0.136,0.706,0.158,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,17,6,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,1,3,10,4,10,15,1,6,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,3,3,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714413512400408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104299588870104,0.22224812280713133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048734494804586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011005562589396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563190815673749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369080234031541,0.0,0.2263738384350026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455246114011068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464789000238974,0.23488668702812204,0.2327532348136484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569920502190587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212348396334393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424086679838791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419417898794193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391758984663428,0.14845089253235602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099517806868703,0.18389643271599795,0.0,0.0,0.20830772740238454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DisembodiedFish,2018/04/06,"Trying to figure out how to face another day So I've been trying to convince myself I'm OK but I can't keep up the charade any longer.  I've been living a ""good, respectable, responsible"" life for about a year now, but I don't know how to do it any more.  The problems in my life are so complicated and confusing regarding legal and family mess that I won't begin to try to explain my current situation.  Just know that it's killing me inside, and I've been trying my hardest to figure out solutions, and I just don't think there are any.  I've seen a ton of different p-docs and therapists, been on just about every combo of meds you can think of, and even been in inpatient care 7 times over the course of my life.  I finally just had to stop taking any meds, because they weren't helping.  Toward the end of my time on meds, the combo I was on was sedating me so badly that I kept falling asleep during the day and had no motivation, and my family berated me over how worthless and lazy and selfish I was.  Then, my doc changed my meds and I suddenly started having homicidal thoughts.  I gave up and quit all the meds.  And p-docs and therapists kept using my same-sex attraction as a symptom of mental illness or as a sign of downright moral failure.  (Yeah, I'm a lesbian.)  One doctor mocked me, one told me I was on my way to Hell, one told me he was good at ""fixing"" people like me, one ""crisis case manager"" even prayed over me and insisted that I study the Bible.  For my own safety, I have to hide my sexual orientation from my family and most people I know.  I'm 40 years old and haven't even so much as kissed a woman in nearly 20 years.  My life has been a jumble of abuse, rape, suicide attempts, self-harm, a home invasion involving two dudes with a shotgun, hallucinations, panic attacks, a few life-threatening health crises (aside from the suicide attempts), and the list just keeps going.  I look back and realize that there are large chunks of my life that I can't remember.  I see photos that I'm in or that I took and can't recognize them. Lately, more and more, the people around me seem strange and alien.  My surroundings grow louder and more chaotic every day, and everything seems to move faster and faster, and it feels like it's all coming toward me.  I start to twitch sometimes because it physically hurts me and makes my mind kind of short-circuit when all the sounds and motion and lights get to be overwhelming, but I have to try to suppress it because years ago a p-doc supposedly told my mom that I do things like that on purpose to try to get attention and pity, so my family can get really disgusted with me if they see it.  I don't recognize my own face in the mirror, I don't recognize my own voice.  Nothing seems real anymore, and sometimes I even feel sort of like I'm coming out of my body.  No, it's not drugs ... I have smoked marijuana ONCE in the past 16 years, and I can't remember ever doing any actual bad drug.  (And before those 16 years, back when I was younger,  I think I only ever smoked week 3 times altogether.) When I try to remember things in the past, my chronology gets all out of order and there are discontinuities and things that seem impossible.  In life and reality, in general, there are so many contradictions and absurdities, it just feels like reality can't be ... real.  I just want to escape.  I don't really want to be dead, but I want to be somewhere that makes sense.  And maybe there just isn't such a place.  And being where I am now makes so little sense that I feel like there's this unspeakable and eternal scream of wordless horror inside my chest.  Like, all the assumptions that we make about how reality works, about how things supposedly have some sort of order and reason and logic, I feel like maybe all those assumptions are just wrong and i feel like ""Reality"" could just BREAK any minute and then where the hell would I end up?  Maybe it's slowly breaking already.  Really, I think it might help to just have some quiet alone time for a while, get some rest, but I can't miss work, and even when I'm not at work, I'm dealing with my insane family,  and my home is so effing loud, and at work it's utterly insane because my company is falling apart and I'm expected to do the work of several people while still also being super peppy and convincing all our customers to buy a ton of stuff they don't want, and my boss is a terrible person who makes her employees miserable and I'm just so so so so tired.",6.880166240409203,6.006053613122178,7.4156423372024385,76.12437045052137,64.90497737556561,10.990123942553609,31.773952390320677,10.325701417094166,2.9752745229195363,3510,111,700,73,46,1162,356,884,0.185,0.725,0.09,-0.9988,3,1,4,1,1,3,112.0,2,1,4,10,60,43,7,4,34,2,62,22,5,14,9,161,127,88,4,9,22,1,6,9,0,3,14,5,2,2,35,62,0,6,29,0,1,9,20,23,0,5,24,16,89,20,87,93,23,97,4,6,4,3,22,37,2,15,55,457,124,10,0.0,0.056682424165927774,0.0466848130000632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424071590475003,0.0,0.0,0.04954767848737235,0.05279248713607453,0.03825752746319233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519651620793532,0.05016427585879734,0.0,0.0,0.04744429696179417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042587627729855686,0.0,0.05442475952043769,0.0,0.07357181546414795,0.07988858783356706,0.1166509650330797,0.0,0.04070820655071171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313931182707877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048775936728187634,0.0,0.05060824005652065,0.08241962547266737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819624413647564,0.0,0.0,0.09255827708243244,0.049320806241433215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499824828780364,0.0,0.048966135000372515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109581241471419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474385195744823,0.0,0.0,0.15798891765704945,0.08654780420075106,0.08061430907576055,0.0,0.04299539121934834,0.0,0.22549586315761755,0.0,0.14513565688245453,0.17088406659786542,0.0,0.05240624016082462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497179009951047,0.0,0.027188501094577287,0.0802516279031805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085154565823859,0.0,0.0,0.06413211406691767,0.0,0.09597458224593056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121357123084218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504455070492879,0.0529277290684234,0.04981786372973878,0.07887462575414791,0.0,0.05396545811712751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365350091972389,0.2103492998656389,0.047948118612459935,0.042243482459101915,0.0,0.04017344276458819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596674264943149,0.04850212031341169,0.14418474126099468,0.0,0.26569655913539386,0.0,0.04821133779502742,0.05075054293757697,0.04830463198031999,0.056029478586692716,0.0,0.05084621173815848,0.03516780962705319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590364636324274,0.0,0.050199896962016925,0.05094790116874468,0.12967013847085013,0.03638437755568856,0.0,0.056129780808314586,0.0,0.0,0.0913371399091702,0.1326645714824628,0.04177192998751658,0.0499824828780364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577629552188744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088359141300302,0.0,0.10890449309701078,0.09194233889777444,0.04918735498970221,0.0,0.0,0.16257974366392067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624436649381376,0.1742064868576406,0.049907418821899335,0.054045437022931735,0.0,0.0,0.05377401928749683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462971113649596,0.0,0.06772261368666735,0.0,0.038204982686567884,0.03999627418802764,0.0,0.0,0.05476520657524967,0.10465810804733393,0.0,0.0,0.049723943409605696,0.03596962916062412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109155471195332,0.12713073789827886,0.122615430296833,0.0,0.03797951371777993,0.11158325372591388,0.054984894053760884,0.0,0.13713914029162388,0.053151856811099164,0.22736092427834,0.0,0.04673260245017123,0.0,0.0,0.04131828835530931,0.0,0.0,0.11286878134670594,0.037973062746338916,0.038374258767948026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413997887436095,0.0,0.0,0.033984071684221524,0.052305388784720526,0.0,0.18484385015151625
suicidewatch,RelevantGrowth,2018/04/06,Noose's are Suprisingly Easy to Tie I learnt how to tie a noose yesterday and today my girlfriend and I found an apartment for July. Too bad I'll kill myself before we get there. Too bad I can't stop crying all the time. Too bad I can't stop cutting myself. Too bad I can't feel better. Thankfully noose's are surprisingly easy to tie. ,1.1081521739130444,3.5212536376811627,2.823025362318841,90.18497282608696,85.08695652173913,5.7688405797101465,18.769927536231886,7.1686216300943375,0.3981144927536233,267,7,55,4,8,88,42,69,0.285,0.524,0.191,-0.8942,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,1,0,0,1,6,9,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,9,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,9,3,4,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7168905486594388,0.0,0.0,0.18265017144801388,0.0,0.0,0.18983926681516908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357814369773635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853279497741704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353511396957703,0.0,0.0,0.11214504799864104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374769022717496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589117259992531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976196162366345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516334021235015,0.0,0.20346179962205885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emptypackages,2018/04/06,"Tomorrow's the day! My mental illness finally won: I'm hanging myself tomorrow. I thought I'd be scared, but I'm looking forward to finally being at peace.

Bipolar disorder is no joke and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.",3.035,5.088619555555557,5.841944444444442,73.21625000000002,75.66666666666667,9.833333333333336,35.694444444444436,10.125756701596842,4.5037777777777785,180,11,31,6,4,65,37,45,0.385,0.454,0.161,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,3,5,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,6,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266076347843733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423786830601739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6545039444561024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086398748616795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30105680790604633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990880265409934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371639470846221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435330072530268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,broken_bottles,2018/04/06,"I set fire to everything I touch I have lost all hope, and I have no where else to turn. I have no friends to talk to, and I haven’t spoken to my family in almost 2 years.  

Basically I have suffered from depression in some form since I was around 13. I will be 31 on Sunday and I can’t take it anymore.

I can’t remember a time in my life where my parents ever hugged me or gave me any affection, and the have never told me they loved me. However they have told me how much of a loser I am, and been overly critical of everything I have ever done. So realizing that they were toxic for me, I ceased all communication with them, and forfeit any ideas that they would ever change.

They last 3 or 4 years, things have just gotten unbearable for me. I think the depression flared up in a major way when my wife miscarried our first child. The whole situation really sent me into a downward spiral that I have yet to recover from. That event brought a lot of stress and problems into our marriage. During that time, I began seeing a physiatrist and also began taking medication. This seemed to help somewhat with my mood, but it also introduced side effects and I began the carousel of medication changes.

About a year later we got pregnant again, and later my daughter was born. I really feel like my depression robbed me of that euphoric feeling of endless love for your child that everyone describes. I really felt nothing, although I know I was “supposed” to love her.

Soon after (2 months) my daughter was born, my wife could not take living with a depressed person any more and she decided to move out with her mother, and we separated.

I continued to go to therapy, and my phycologist, to try and improve my symptoms, and get my family back. For the next six months things just seemed to get worse between us, and it all led me to a suicide attempt. It failed obviously, but it led me to be hospitalized in a psychiatric unit, were I was once again but on diffent meds. 

Through all of this I continued therapy after getting out, and eventually convinced my wife to do couples therapy, all in hopes I would get my only friend back, and be able to bond and build a relationship with my young daughter.

She eventually decided to file for divorce. She said it was to protect or daughter, from me being able to get her at anytime. She wanted legal print in place for protection basically. Obviously my condition continued to deteriorate, but we were still trying to work on things. I voluntarily checked myself into a different, highly acclaimed, physiatrist hostpital to try and address my suicidal feelings and depression I had been suffering from the past several years.

Once again, things got momentarily better, but soon after I was still feeling the same and having the same thoughts of harming myself.

This pattern continued and eventually she finalized the divorce, I was hospitalized again, I lost my wife, and my daughter. She got the courts to agree that I am unable to see my daughter without supervision. So basically I can’t be alone with her. It makes it very difficult to do since I have no friends, and the only family I have that I speak to and that cares about me is my 80 year old grandmother.

During this time I also was looked over for a promotion at work that I told I was going to get but didn’t.

I have never given up hope that we could get back together and we would be able to be a family, and I would get better and get to be close to my daughter.

But to top it all off, I just found out my ex wife has now began dating someone new. She was my only friend, and now that she is seeing someone, she keeps conversation strictly to our now 2 year old daughter. 

So the only 2 people I have in this world is my daughter, who won’t even hug me. And my grandmother, and when I lose her I don’t know what I will do. 

I have thought about suicide multiple times a day for as long as I can remember. It’s really the only thing that could end the pain. I am not an easy person to get along with and I have so little self worth, and no redeeming qualities, that I truly believe my daughter would be much better off without me. Especially if I were to go now while she is young and has formed no memories of me.

I’m really just rambling at this point, and it is probably a wall of text, but I have no where else to turn, as I have since given up on meds and therapy and have just become a, resentful, bitter, depressed and suicidal person who is literally unlovable.",6.837217710750196,6.630384619489561,7.566882250580047,72.79754688708431,64.75406032482599,11.081245166279972,34.199632637277645,10.686352973137794,3.6274129156999217,3530,140,657,84,48,1180,335,862,0.135,0.757,0.108,-0.9815,3,1,0,0,2,3,90.0,9,1,6,15,42,40,2,1,32,0,79,10,0,6,13,139,144,66,4,14,21,18,7,1,4,8,5,2,1,6,40,60,0,3,20,0,2,8,19,21,0,2,43,14,130,18,108,81,18,119,0,13,4,5,78,42,0,13,68,509,170,6,0.14645327656273965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888393378187155,0.05056047550724814,0.0,0.11711863235511147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959325015950786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484140990602972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434581553461873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261352965548715,0.0,0.0,0.05391537923799219,0.0,0.05500089702535189,0.0,0.1295260217204618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049772958684979184,0.0,0.10328543172793747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693102432377345,0.05401592164361059,0.0,0.03148341586856316,0.0,0.25227998500679866,0.0,0.0,0.05100416767236576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049957516471748835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156194672945284,0.0,0.043238044466366005,0.0,0.0,0.032243669311980784,0.13247537325931685,0.0,0.04664746062432814,0.08774850774186897,0.0,0.18408415351402893,0.0,0.0987349027449577,0.03487541667972318,0.046872704146972935,0.053477468631625835,0.0,0.04152436074285845,0.0,0.05352615284074263,0.15086591757241669,0.0,0.2550526412265153,0.0,0.08323277208768777,0.0,0.11713206402864905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032721514725809274,0.05157864251045996,0.0,0.14546114881557504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055109307628413935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339146711018297,0.0,0.0,0.05365792714321042,0.039792989085690116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03448142679140182,0.023849891095938013,0.048928219257371626,0.04310697545110269,0.04320218038072562,0.04099462237082333,0.05461458505879331,0.10658070111593926,0.041503112838303435,0.13217980001554752,0.0,0.032586233111319585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084510498222345,0.09835751231388312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793173873774595,0.051885551890765325,0.07177333960239338,0.0,0.0753025302955318,0.047148495704141286,0.051918240366890495,0.0,0.0,0.04684195624288672,0.0,0.10245205177317446,0.10397863988095897,0.0,0.18564052710559398,0.05194553732883517,0.0,0.054206344015382484,0.0,0.046602074670931824,0.033844087260456186,0.12787735212836945,0.05100416767236576,0.0,0.04614856141139439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263380080607618,0.04671200224117071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563695318609388,0.0,0.0,0.052412003473220184,0.11060200865703268,0.0,0.04643686782468038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670430005086685,0.08888370838821709,0.05092756924257737,0.055150172082691615,0.0,0.12114766377909952,0.05487320633608883,0.0,0.0,0.08272625731517565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797185056294234,0.0,0.05592057782954926,0.0,0.0,0.21359481897464708,0.0,0.0,0.05074034343558383,0.11011463764002774,0.03923786538320402,0.0,0.0,0.2233094470388075,0.0,0.1621617489445668,0.031280448699093494,0.0,0.07751169506738455,0.11386411107971404,0.0,0.0,0.1399423818729844,0.0,0.0994321613405448,0.10619940652214968,0.0,0.0,0.05872175312954834,0.0,0.0,0.04027976366405455,0.02879397899675297,0.03874926469886531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545032843780909,0.0,0.09411715493941293,0.0,0.07107981972518664,0.0,0.04974946689029474,0.17339367620064766,0.0,0.0,0.18862221689423933
suicidewatch,8654321790,2018/04/06,"Looking for a way out, again... A little bit of information about me, I'm an eighteen year old Male, 3 previous hospitalizations, been depressed since I was 12, I was raped when I was 9 by my neighbor. The rapes continued on for about 2 years.

I keep having flashbacks of what happened to me when I was little, I never thought anything of it at the time, he said is was a ""game.""  He always let me play on his phone or something like that afterwards. When I was around 12-13 I realized what actually happened to me, I never said anything to anyone because I was too scared. I can't even fall asleep without drugs anymore, which I can't even get ahold of on my own because the last time I tried to kill myself my parents locked up all the medication in the house. I'm thinking about taking a car in the middle of the night and parking near the train station and just walking down the tracks. My therapist doesnt help me. My parents say they care about me, but I have a hard time seeing it. After my last attempt most people at my school ignored me. I'm just sick and tired of being ignored.",4.812718894009219,5.376205824884792,5.51767281105991,83.11079493087561,69.09216589861751,7.8589861751152075,30.707373271889402,7.7094869923839395,1.9147105990783408,852,33,171,9,14,277,130,217,0.14300000000000002,0.831,0.026,-0.9732,2,0,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,1,14,10,3,1,15,0,16,7,1,0,3,21,31,8,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,4,3,1,1,6,5,0,3,4,2,0,3,6,7,0,0,11,6,31,3,31,18,4,37,0,1,2,2,15,15,0,2,19,118,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.12512574174491134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066906055848658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716132865097485,0.0896554927323327,0.0,0.2110308295768222,0.114144368723232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632533994517722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998472924427754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073042109880745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043703765425256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486962964435168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937825591622074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699047046999823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677179570352124,0.0,0.1148613282262829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594420569148982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479504594060543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396920973317955,0.14185815328319334,0.0,0.0,0.20903536206789566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311152275220256,0.0,0.06264257517553637,0.2570233667487934,0.0,0.0,0.10767381298837024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916972732530718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778473603803395,0.0,0.0,0.1203272436382823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454695305049175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847497262201678,0.0,0.0,0.08889268181277445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439361229720181,0.1019669271733252,0.12837214523910606,0.12976705933784666,0.10217597863566892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606619551001313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871121757192862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640665218057944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887510832387552,0.0,0.08215919524643879,0.0,0.10179359238392616,0.22430105999482186,0.14737181561020465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870540193326358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177630233744936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360100366671928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514095534781592
suicidewatch,glowlikedat677,2018/04/06,😞😞😞 Anyone know how to stop feeling numb?,-4.2203333333333335,-5.2734796999999975,-0.12999999999999726,101.93166666666669,146.0,1.3333333333333337,13.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.6366666666666667,33,1,8,0,3,12,8,10,0.414,0.45,0.135,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292322891954411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827043031321612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159647509432995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6327905865369352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ulmac,2018/04/06,"I've never considered it seriously until today. I've had an amazing life, I'm so fortunate it is really incredible. I've also gone through more hardship than most, not even counting the time when I was fighting overseas. I grew up in a wealthy family, until they lost everything. I've been going to college on my own dime, I've spent 10 years in and out of school just trying to make money and take classes. I was going to give up on school until I met my now girlfriend a little over a year ago. I finished my last project today to get my architecture degree, I presented and it went really great.

Here is the thing, She doesn't know it, but every decision I make is to be better for her. Being completely honest, I'm a really great boyfriend. I also am pretty certain she is going to break up with me tomorrow. Don't know why, apparently it has nothing to do with me. I just never realized she was this important to me that I don't want to be alive without her. I'm not going to tell her I'm thinking of killing myself, I wouldn't put her in that position. I have nobody I can talk to, I've lost any friend I was that close to. I'm not even sure I want to talk.",2.8034144736842066,4.2248028458333335,4.9221491228070215,82.27144736842108,74.70833333333334,8.052631578947368,25.964912280701753,8.6894789155246,1.896958333333333,913,32,185,18,19,317,132,240,0.078,0.75,0.172,0.9779,1,0,0,0,2,2,26.0,0,0,1,3,10,13,2,0,7,0,22,1,0,2,4,29,47,11,1,3,7,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,5,0,3,8,10,5,0,0,12,0,31,8,34,31,3,38,0,2,0,0,16,12,0,1,17,126,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290081457630835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370645481966115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661212783140723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264342044042898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353910134651886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682459084564553,0.0,0.10730996093094967,0.0,0.11446686834773045,0.0,0.12006777726169535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840138350684136,0.0,0.06654261788907004,0.12217949336049565,0.2895363886317743,0.0,0.0,0.2808392985495563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090978645388386,0.0,0.1399922355416493,0.10381894712634454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996120942783865,0.0,0.12765254193719144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27806647422280545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700333898087292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646248223265864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220953213649399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957533573377913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803635345169212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447785984433119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577990506268745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003939579763714,0.0,0.09576214307809366,0.20474128559668292,0.11132205869509393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461521703402629,0.08160993492060514,0.0,0.0,0.0742671787127954,0.0,0.24145302942734054,0.0,0.0,0.08647203555248376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150245591080564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806803162378095,0.11492651869837045,0.0,0.0,0.12277469168370005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640369355887281
suicidewatch,theriseingwrath,2018/04/06,"I feel so worn out I asked another guy out, and like normally I only got blocked.  Do you know what it’s like to be blocked on a dating app because of your face?All I want is a boyfriend, sometimes I think if I kill myself I’ll be born again only lovable. How do you guys deal with rejection, I feel like ending my life tonight, I can’t keep asking out guys and dealing with this. How do you deal with it?",3.1080392156862766,3.900718176470592,3.956176470588237,91.93112745098044,73.11764705882352,7.0784313725490176,28.284313725490193,7.1686216300943375,1.237784313725491,315,12,72,3,6,101,57,85,0.16899999999999998,0.688,0.142,-0.5351,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,4,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,2,0,20,17,6,1,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,14,3,9,13,0,9,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,1,8,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740716282342378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103861572201702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119563708823236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134342857318066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703192700914106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787511082912046,0.11859462616666787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327700585695014,0.0,0.0,0.4931157299097382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475536441044827,0.18366089851699374,0.0,0.09123248431504977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725485483295114,0.2433062473157204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265050548836674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250988816166703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418404945415627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636985799660617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791456275148107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chocolate_shits,2018/04/06,I’m finally decided on when I’m going to kill myself I’ve been thinking about it and planning it in different ways for years but I’ve finally come up with a way I can’t chicken out of. My 18th birthday is in November so I’m just going to wait until then and then buy a shotgun and shoot myself in the head. I feel awful about how I’ll affect my family but I’m just so fucking done living like this. ,1.9460098522167504,3.242894931034485,4.583579638752052,84.33724137931036,76.70114942528734,7.730049261083742,25.072249589490966,8.418075326091056,1.6591490968801317,317,11,67,6,7,113,59,87,0.118,0.8390000000000001,0.043,-0.7434,1,0,0,2,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,2,0,3,1,4,2,1,2,0,16,15,12,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,14,13,0,18,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,8,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525492275472434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489492181840334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24384055726481724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462677163839226,0.0,0.12048023704517442,0.0,0.0,0.5220425943159758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202836609417567,0.0,0.0,0.270837129384184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445414044907055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636186922524883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164103251375087,0.0,0.2104033518548068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526785673301801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782670943266954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344286415180447
suicidewatch,Err401-UserNotFound,2018/04/06,"How can I piss off my family so that they don't care when I kill myself. Title just about sums it up. The main
 reasons I haven't already committed suicide are in Cons section of the list below. I can take care of the first 2 but just need some final help taking care of the last.

Pros:

- It'll all be over
- I won't have to front anymore
- Won't have to try (& fail) at having any type of relationship 
- Won't cause pain to others by my actions anymore
- Probably better for society as I have very little emotion and am at best mediocre.
- Maybe it'll raise awareness for an issue... Depends on the note.
- People are probably glad to be rid of me once and for all.
- Maybe I'll finally feel something


Cons:
- Won't have paid my family back financially
- Funeral costs (unless theres nothing left)
- Cause pain to family",2.4841200828157355,4.596812981366462,3.987304347826086,85.59284057971017,77.57142857142857,7.026252587991718,23.77681159420289,8.021203637495839,1.3945822774327126,634,21,125,11,15,210,106,161,0.079,0.753,0.168,0.9606,0,0,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,5,8,11,2,0,6,0,20,3,1,5,3,17,28,8,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,6,5,0,1,1,1,12,6,25,19,6,19,0,1,0,0,3,11,1,2,6,83,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346181158933943,0.0,0.0,0.1321752474688715,0.0,0.08295683933567033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241961014279212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380216502313972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802013949246902,0.1078895342449781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731283593265614,0.2506330241897614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722143094697484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450016836121765,0.0,0.061681404995205004,0.0,0.0,0.2672664121060585,0.0,0.10376395138660507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176678948366227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273250312376189,0.0,0.0,0.1349629758367355,0.0,0.0,0.09943747985874517,0.0,0.0,0.13254162297165542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226522633050355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451090961623889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904534462415685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705192767540225,0.0,0.0,0.12991451693460118,0.0,0.0,0.25961021981860816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084571951557905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304998080305125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542521509596774,0.0,0.13097074784962534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391324618035406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334363853893149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344139364021486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282265936612329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065386592181852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idcfml1234,2018/04/06,"Can someone.. anyone talk to me please Can anyone talk to me? Do you have an ig or something.. or talk here.. i just wanna talk and tell someone about the pain. It’s pointless to keep trying I think. 

I’ve tried for far too long and that last flicker of energy I’ve always counted on is about to go. I guess they’ve won

If u care to talk my instagram is @thatsright7x",1.6610714285714252,3.523493039473685,2.928496240601504,93.40447368421052,79.13157894736842,5.395488721804512,21.383458646616546,6.18269132825596,0.14715639097744404,285,8,62,2,7,92,54,76,0.043,0.812,0.146,0.7906,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,12,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,11,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,4,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461085294351342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555924351715674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790300980529074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997942908610669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934369251022536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607628753924085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431327959207566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539543547357704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684472225676396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274981837240232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975609718607215,0.13518107577629052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7056802601792865,0.15347716336684056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251374131045372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384340153733913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeriousStop6,2018/04/06,"Feels like I'm losing my mind Some time around december, I started getting depressed. I was doing super well in life, and then suddenly my progress paused and I just sort of fell into this. I started feeling sad, anxious, the whole works. Then my life started back up again, and great things happened in my life, but I'm only getting more anxious and depressed as it happens and that's affecting what's happening in my life. I got accepted into a prestigious and exclusive improv comedy group, but as I feel like I'm spiralling out of control, I can't perform anymore and I feel like I'm a burden and the group regrets accepting me. My schoolwork is getting affected and my grades are dropping because my mind is always elsewhere. Worst of all, I just can't seem to talk to people anymore and I feel like all the people/friends I have, new and old, see me as some sort of freak right now because I'm really struggling to talk and be social. My mind is just constantly racing and miserable, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think I could ever commit suicide, but I certainly have started thinking about it a decent amount and that scares me, because I don't want to think about it, and I'm afraid I might actually consider it if my life continues in its current direction. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks",7.005521235521238,6.550627988416991,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216216,64.48262548262548,10.17992277992278,37.03281853281853,9.606745405546679,3.5173505791505795,1055,48,194,18,14,343,134,259,0.183,0.67,0.147,-0.9383,1,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,6,13,23,0,4,6,0,16,6,1,4,5,61,48,26,1,5,8,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,12,20,0,1,12,0,0,1,5,12,1,0,2,6,32,11,25,43,8,30,0,6,1,0,5,11,0,7,21,130,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.09379083776275893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997236331769918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715699345859366,0.1906333161966728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555950054049184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739037147701566,0.0,0.17576580637056474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386225217827076,0.10779707957317282,0.07673711227987717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556117289991515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693824116318813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429839951062764,0.2746479420020244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425540990668991,0.0,0.20085690633703734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686904652483029,0.10596313023512877,0.0,0.0,0.2549729144866002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282029816774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394315325506221,0.1878206521982628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752404428197897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019589805152217,0.2911352714157708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126536673610369,0.0,0.09282496487821514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085272038393664,0.0,0.0,0.07309703162824993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663152587095486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157140789431236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207858910223917,0.0,0.0,0.0962242531350906,0.0,0.07658832228947708,0.08749618610479946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797344321671417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272112503616438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047647716172592,0.0,0.10513024473731426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545013651738683,0.0,0.08848644112507753,0.0,0.0,0.06385212688364607,0.18475286486901374,0.0,0.0,0.05604331566688393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668897913200852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641566863276783,0.0,0.0,0.10730491784702433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699702256774311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PhysicsIsWhyIDrink,2018/04/06,"Dealing with suicide in the Army I feel like I'm just wasting so much time. I do nothing all day. My daily routine involves:

wake up
go to PT
go back to my room
report to my sergeant
I'm told to stay out of sight and out of mind
go back to my room 
and repeat.

I joined the army for experience, and I don't need all the other benefits so my time here has been completely wasted. On top of that, a few things happened in my personal life that I cannot control so I just feel so stuck every day, unable to do anything about it. I feel like if I stay here one more week, I'm going to finally kill myself.

I've told my sergeant and my command about it, I self referred myself to a consular and have been seeing him for the past month or so. I've reached out to close friends back home, I've reached out to my family but nothing seems to work. I've done everything that I could ever think of to help me through this but I come much closer to just accepting suicide each day. Yesterday I even bought a knife just so I had the ability to just end it at any time now. I have a plan and I just know I'll eventually follow through with it.

I dont know what else to do and I don't want to live with this pain much longer.   ",2.211949806949804,3.3452722316602355,3.62961196911197,92.10542181467184,75.71814671814674,6.8788416988417005,24.919111969111967,7.365786028017652,0.8868423166023169,944,31,220,11,20,311,132,259,0.096,0.818,0.086,-0.7611,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,4,22,7,1,0,9,0,15,3,1,1,3,44,39,17,3,4,10,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,3,2,12,17,0,1,9,0,1,6,4,2,0,1,8,5,30,5,38,30,8,40,0,0,2,0,9,14,0,3,20,144,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763808093006261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395044663843496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633641832717528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983455290645028,0.11970286168064018,0.0,0.12804899775860368,0.09115377111545712,0.0,0.0,0.2208865346516132,0.11770208262618558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168333908378316,0.13380391808811515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953726233080996,0.0,0.1011188646869427,0.0,0.0,0.07540681532683431,0.10327139373275288,0.09619137227036033,0.0,0.10260673893026476,0.1116781045940181,0.10762732704456156,0.0,0.17318014830051134,0.16312312842366927,0.0,0.12506534421481624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882058294561836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595369740430325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095828905221596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652433084675532,0.0,0.11451970345158632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630985611898835,0.0,0.1254873743977197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064015782778362,0.1115533294945597,0.0,0.10081233949176714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527702440108957,0.0,0.09112772144876118,0.0,0.2517796088475961,0.08465404463265665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909434126608854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736311769587068,0.0,0.12148268556250184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898617041865513,0.0,0.09968699884543984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097702783797053,0.10393416020899418,0.11910200950648825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433755627772033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976228532410116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584807384931108,0.07315417471784494,0.0,0.0,0.19971664623833146,0.0,0.0,0.21818462500218455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733918015733155,0.0,0.09157859573733504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311558445195695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whythehelldoitry,2018/04/06,"I can't fucking do this I'm done I'm done I'm so fucking done this shit is fucking insane fuck this fuck it all fuck you fuck me fuck all this shit i cant do it i cant do it i cant fucking do it i hope the people who wronged me and dont regret it burn in fucking hell. if somebody fucking reads this then bless your fucking soul but im done its fucking over i dont know if or when im gonna commit but if i do it'll be soon and i cant take more help ive been in hospitals ive been to therapy and every day i fantasize my own death

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suicidewatch,cIassick,2018/04/06,would really apreciste someone is actually online please I feel like everyone is fucking disappeared am I the only one even alive in this reality is everyone just gone I'm so alone and hearing people talk is just background noise,3.813495934959352,7.117440146341469,5.206707317073171,69.90404471544718,86.56097560975607,8.5869918699187,31.22357723577236,8.841846274778883,4.1092406504065035,190,10,27,6,6,63,34,41,0.106,0.73,0.16399999999999998,0.3799,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,9,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.2585532500334313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27440858131967466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499715862389334,0.0,0.0,0.5063426862056409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396682051128975,0.1892805302561568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449422609941331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986182172758507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944132179545825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953716411950707,0.20150662416606396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836831611654779,0.0,0.0,0.2908358401918469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973393137266127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244915092272957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129569958706944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821307441699905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qsbm,2018/04/06,"a I'm sick of being a disgusting scrawny little shit. I'm 18/m yet look like a fucking disfigured 12 year old. I've been almost completely socially isolated for the past 6 years with no one to talk to. If you guys know any buildings (preferably not in the CBD) in Sydney, Australia that will guarantee a 100% death if I jump please PM because I can't fucking take it anymore.",6.596599999999999,5.905417693333337,7.141166666666668,77.25975000000003,65.4,10.7,37.41666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.7002666666666655,297,14,58,6,4,98,62,75,0.233,0.682,0.086,-0.9122,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,6,0,4,4,1,0,0,7,11,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,1,3,1,7,8,0,9,0,0,1,2,4,3,3,3,6,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22847626842018165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516136827161078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262803304983577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908847117016832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392287339137933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218733864785357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592117920165025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253946032611344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147085961090204,0.2286832521754707,0.0,0.0,0.19160279502820365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394228601320838,0.0,0.1546118483565057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781119680269567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504588230570867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23421012263927826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325874989056829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155317067768386,0.18339197298504828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938641043731485
suicidewatch,lecollecteur,2018/04/06,"Thinking of suicide, only option left. I’m not in immediate danger, I don’t want anyone to panic. But I’ve been thinking of suicide. I just got out of hospital a few days ago and nothing has changed and I’m back to my only option being suicide. 
I’ve had depression since I was a child and I’ve been through so many medications and therapies, I’ve exhausted all the resources provided and I’m still the same. I can’t have a normal life. I’ve tried researching other options but there’s nothing. 
The only thing left to do is to kill myself, I don’t even want to die, I just don’t want to live like this anymore. ",1.5085347985348,3.7326344444444466,3.736031746031749,85.54016483516487,81.53968253968254,6.416605616605617,25.56532356532357,7.61054688173877,1.5414268620268614,484,20,96,8,13,166,73,126,0.209,0.7190000000000001,0.073,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,5,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,1,6,0,13,3,0,0,1,22,22,8,5,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,8,1,12,16,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,5,60,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918460449747154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452919922800747,0.10190076423754912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206062957732074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416749489612627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398652402430648,0.0,0.12552068137863126,0.0,0.15124912543675342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962560864765714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655697924482812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612333365457227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166813412406765,0.0,0.10293639867580084,0.0711983849472866,0.0,0.12868599775717898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775163841932026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468119077779359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142788606080522,0.2796718541690125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325123538094237,0.0,0.17098772228835046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205528635541349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638354676550645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782287919972829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665979635586894,0.0,0.09681934880656044,0.18676122409474816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894397799396444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578734794882224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anycae,2018/04/06,I don’t want to do it anymore My paycheck was less than the amount my account is negative. I’m sick. I’m having panic attacks. My fiancé isn’t helping me. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t even bring myself to die no matter how much I want to. I just want everything to be over because I’m not strong enough to do it anymore.  I’m sorry... I just needed to get this out. I don’t even know if im breaking any rules ,-1.2287588652482242,0.7513685000000017,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,92.72340425531915,3.9843971631205686,19.5354609929078,5.46131890053228,-0.2796283687943264,325,11,76,2,12,114,53,94,0.233,0.677,0.09,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,1,0,12,1,0,1,0,13,24,2,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,2,0,0,1,0,12,1,10,22,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304991482140614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5709421884435945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831490327234165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698096772599804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916276927268267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828486065989706,0.0,0.253497383031695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246809646781575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026026576047828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862708446063262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728583191676173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054636801576352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106919396028042,0.14229203742668964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515428227594292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481727338945286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527523373423448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bleeeeeeeegh,2018/04/06,Stupid Rambling I'm a weak person. Every negative comment I get about myself I take it to heart and those comments pop up in my head for years to come. I can't brush them off like most people. If a teacher were to slightly raise there voice at me I immediately feel guilty and want to cry. I don't know why I'm like this and I wish there was a way for me to not be like this. When things get hard in my life I just start crying and complaining instead of doing something about the situation. I'm useless. I don't think I'll do any good in this world. I'll just spend the rest of my life crying and complaining. I'm complaining right now. I know that my family loves me and would be devastated if I commited suicide but I feel like i'm the long run it could help them. They wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. ,1.953157894736844,3.6790506315789484,3.4162339181286576,90.87452631578951,77.77192982456141,6.665263157894738,21.92631578947368,7.554174236665415,0.6610800000000001,642,18,144,9,15,211,99,171,0.158,0.711,0.131,-0.1633,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,0,10,12,1,0,6,0,13,6,2,0,1,25,31,10,1,7,6,0,3,4,0,2,3,1,0,1,8,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,2,5,23,6,19,24,2,16,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,3,9,89,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376477325214233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151325858022083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144067191630768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182875049930035,0.0,0.5028308091090129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285616003496739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384597162535875,0.0,0.15430571016099298,0.10900858335428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944140456411915,0.0,0.0,0.12798320586241524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668848251111054,0.0,0.15659885807477464,0.0,0.0,0.1808169932835156,0.10227622506200812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771626493596242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155542123601583,0.2981862972875821,0.0,0.0,0.135035188951794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771623031842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578500154023816,0.13323357181769654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030894251794084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151481061104912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746935844368515,0.0,0.0,0.1080022603336881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690602467968113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472685536579492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137239471020963,0.09777194723402162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000009629688092,0.1211169027637506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768653942560394,0.0,0.17546816357725656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496007395904346,0.0,0.10839382467486186,0.0,0.0,0.09826138586199476
suicidewatch,AbleKnee,2018/04/06,"Unsure what to do I've been dealing with a lot of depression lately. I've been through counseling for it before with kind of mixed results. I've always had a lot of thoughts about death, but I've never really had suicidal thoughts I don't think. Lately, however I have been having them - to the point where I have a plan now. Actually 2 plans, but regardless I have plan. I don't have a time frame or anything. I just know how I would do it if I decided I wanted or needed to. A few weeks ago I finally got an appointment scheduled with a counselor again. I'm suppose to meet with her next Monday. I had decided that I was going to tell her when I met her, but now that it's getting closer I really don't know. I'm really scared about what will happen. I'm scared that she'll want to hospitalize me. I don't know if I can take that. I don't know if I would be able to look at my family and friends again if I go to the hospital. I honestly am fairly good at hiding my depression, so I think it would really catch everyone off guard. I think it would really hurt a lot of people if I ended up in the hospital. I just don't know if I should be honest from the go, or just ease into things. I don't have any immediate plans to kill myself. I'm wondering if it would be ok to try to get some other coping skills out of counseling before I tell her I'm having suicidal thoughts. I'm honestly just scared of what will happen if I do tell her, and I'm scared of  what will happen if I don't.",3.0888051948051967,3.804233622222224,5.165519480519482,83.53061688311689,73.09523809523809,9.155844155844157,24.794372294372288,9.457814108942452,1.889190476190476,1161,33,255,27,22,405,137,315,0.135,0.7440000000000001,0.121,-0.6767,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,5,14,15,1,4,12,1,40,0,0,2,1,59,74,20,4,19,19,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,1,14,0,0,4,9,8,0,0,12,1,40,7,34,49,5,30,0,3,1,0,14,10,0,17,16,176,56,0,0.0912202921662668,0.0,0.08901784646893532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086128508791486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590259058758035,0.0,0.0,0.06203292675016719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750665279802251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552434998830158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404411575383342,0.1571358079528042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079410324214108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716489832460814,0.0,0.0,0.0859943730562557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992737125548996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047657144593931,0.0,0.0953176753563192,0.0,0.15552778263164202,0.07651125315161676,0.07295720077764138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419974093089656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765320942694623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092173787128464,0.09499189693441047,0.2506614347892239,0.0,0.20580092567960864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660207100201583,0.0,0.0,0.2326566909937273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763869079316175,0.07035471287125708,0.0,0.09701381559047632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324066488215871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623266110124002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921902749539352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36530970386826395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956038795473388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858630720360051,0.0,0.2391916681513437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060270878506103,0.17535083971854742,0.0,0.21725616772351086,0.05319128593630766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061932590523655816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076081835118768,0.0,0.07317141605257728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892451565717314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32400139158437125,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cafe_girl,2018/04/06,"Is it ever going to get better? Medication after medication, doctor after doctor, and I'm still crazy. My mind is driving me to insanity. I hear voices all the time and I'm getting to exhausted to keep going, keep fighting. There's only so much one person can take before it's to much.
I'm holding back because of my mother and my husband. I've been married 12 years to the best understanding man I could have ever asked for and I don't want to do anything to hurt him. My mom has had a hard way to go and I don't want to make it harder but I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I don't know how much more I have left in me. Nothing is the same. I'm slow, and exhausted all the time. I can't think straight half the time, and the other half I'm scared of all my hallucinations that haunt my every waking minute. 
I know how I would do it. And I would never be home for it. Although I almost did take all my medications a couple of days ago while I was at home, but I couldn't bring myself to let my husband find me. 
I'm losing hope. I'm losing hope in medication, in life and in myself. I can't handle anything stressful anymore and I'm nothing but a burden. I can't work, I can't drive, I can't even think. When will it be over? I make make that happen. The question is, when and where. I'm starting to plan, and I'm starting to scare myself at the same time. There's like two of me, one that wants desperately to live and be happy and the other half who's given up. What self will win this battle?  ",0.9360328591464652,2.7884487763975163,3.192644760569028,90.67346323382091,81.4223602484472,5.39707473452214,19.39330795431777,6.3737218528115,-0.019768102584652336,1174,29,261,10,31,402,146,322,0.138,0.762,0.1,-0.7542,0,0,0,0,2,0,37.0,0,0,0,7,14,18,2,3,12,0,34,10,1,6,7,54,74,25,0,9,3,4,1,1,0,4,9,2,2,3,15,14,0,3,8,0,0,6,11,11,0,6,5,3,36,7,30,59,12,39,0,3,0,0,13,11,0,4,21,179,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074159349146053,0.0,0.09120873773605004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033210959702627,0.0,0.0,0.14991082767000272,0.0,0.08515242910789345,0.0,0.0,0.07003894802268222,0.0,0.055524733386040616,0.0,0.07750685353391337,0.0,0.09558836828081392,0.08055751676212736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272417408375502,0.10078411554902662,0.0,0.058742461967242164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864592609290153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060160959857428774,0.1647836775985934,0.07674326598604918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325028395781041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517658528186257,0.0,0.1552975690185892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054640086071436,0.0969619605250036,0.08159450832945546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265971586910393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273189902992204,0.18093644471283632,0.0,0.0,0.09750866227409684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192154098297276,0.0,0.0,0.15017424209669816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896440918888927,0.09314085679984634,0.06433621784644701,0.044499660598294064,0.0,0.0804299595866821,0.0,0.0,0.20380223029587632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240036918377164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670352956878512,0.0,0.0,0.09197015425487452,0.10667796393806997,0.0,0.0,0.267832606821133,0.0,0.07025057319684437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747975406834133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344346855052912,0.06927445006987308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953214188736417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203634496665863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823844845907939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502179851784692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894124169797294,0.0,0.07274081194573635,0.0,0.10433786568942653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369695702781056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672752255955435,0.0,0.0,0.21245020687900326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897707072533012,0.09482297531955496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117335137620098,0.0722992453339396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631115925089995,0.0,0.0,0.1294087207322043,0.0,0.0,0.058655925648517376
suicidewatch,prettypinkdeer,2018/04/06,"I don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I just moved to a new city two months ago after being pretty transient for the last few years. I have lived in several different cities and haven’t ever really felt like I have had a true circle of friends or reliable people to surround myself with. The lack of support weighs on me heavily.  

Last year I was hospitalized involuntarily for suicidal thoughts which only led me to further problems and thousands of dollars of bills. Obviously, as is the case with most hospitalizations, I was given a prescription and sent home with nothing but total shock and a hefty bill which has only made my life more unbearable.  

I just feel super lonely here. I am trying to make friends but the people in my new town are very flaky. I have a job that seems great on paper but I feel like I don’t belong here, or anywhere really. I usually get so much joy out of being active and exercising but couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed this morning. I feel like a failure and I have felt this way for so long and it never seems to get better. 

I just wish this suffering would end and I am really, really sad. I wish my life was over because I cannot imagine going through any more heartache. ",5.21371835443038,6.217336455696207,6.069575421940929,77.92942642405066,68.40928270042194,9.13175105485232,28.736550632911392,9.354420925462401,2.4477259493670886,968,33,182,19,16,319,141,237,0.09,0.696,0.213,0.9854,2,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,9,16,0,0,10,0,21,5,1,3,5,47,42,17,1,7,9,0,5,3,2,1,3,0,2,0,7,13,1,0,9,1,3,5,6,5,0,2,10,5,25,11,30,28,7,32,0,3,0,0,3,11,0,5,18,126,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491012196590868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048204903232431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214505312271502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467094521337812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365054610284792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482295966535457,0.0,0.0,0.07816904972152315,0.10705433821223616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952392717566504,0.16909850762445033,0.2272690930796478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287381156739985,0.0,0.18549894927343027,0.0,0.06726102455265691,0.0,0.0,0.1304812776339207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871468585964155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744409963369172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294206948410425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671881906024031,0.17345947555403354,0.0,0.10450520611590784,0.10473601355923637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198561855651668,0.07899953481316126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944658298863657,0.1257873056051618,0.08700085740512445,0.0,0.09127880542802776,0.2286063083783457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113560003707242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800209951694916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640979576018141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040448358693165,0.0,0.11324495331011257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032721268215519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548276510360606,0.0,0.13370179745890848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945567595873,0.13430216186629934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939566692471718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803518719550065,0.0,0.11561073962394515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034578947542022,0.09765113325538123,0.06980588822257107,0.09394071033325543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721932868358117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407243459285724,0.0,0.0,0.15242702175453227
suicidewatch,HermoingoBoingo,2018/04/06,"Im in so much physical pain im going to kill myself tonight I've been struggling with the worst migraine I've ever had. I've never been in so much pain before in my life. I've been suffering for like 2 weeks. I can't sleep. Even laying my head on my soft pillows is excruciating. I don't have insurance and I can't afford to go to urgent care. I've tried every migraine tip/trick I could find online. I can't handle it anymore, the pain is unbearable. I'm so tired and I feel like my head is going to explode.",0.01367832167832006,2.190700200000002,2.7281818181818167,90.5738111888112,87.9090909090909,5.202797202797203,19.37062937062937,6.67199483983844,0.24795104895104905,402,12,87,5,13,140,64,110,0.278,0.639,0.083,-0.9786,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,2,0,13,10,3,0,2,8,19,5,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,4,2,11,3,10,14,3,11,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590460750425557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646488384317526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351009056766752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804410857148366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592428958873548,0.14506578707200352,0.13512044936709644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108897540226985,0.1145698927801054,0.0,0.0,0.14657723558914726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734295581741857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291761772704376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34645887424956595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774280178717225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132755891255868,0.15669945915040448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357839591776763,0.0,0.12368888522908675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119418096268761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048796433296475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676557869893931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432418954218435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888215968187233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864086161134064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12123345790,2018/04/06,"i want to die i hate school all the classes and homework and i can’t tell my family because they would probably say something along the lines of oh suicide is selfish but i want this endless struggle that we call life to end i have been suicidal most of my life and i thought i was getting better but nope after my last class today i had somewhat of an existential crisis and i seriously debated wether or not to kill myself my friends think i’m happy but i’m truly not but if life is an endless stride towards death that is unavoidable why not make my death quick and easy 

but if you took the time to read this then thank you ",1.7602812148481457,4.225519881889767,2.9998256467941498,89.71253937007873,82.46456692913387,5.8332958380202475,24.81946006749156,7.1686216300943375,1.150246794150731,503,20,101,7,14,162,83,127,0.226,0.5820000000000001,0.192,-0.7574,0,1,1,0,0,3,0.0,1,2,1,1,1,9,2,1,5,0,9,3,0,1,1,27,20,14,6,5,11,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,1,19,4,10,14,3,9,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,5,7,69,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631672103854213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424857563224229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808876650679226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100664572739308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544725920739118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441513893605725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347462034340414,0.0,0.091120315665998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565920230206145,0.0,0.1721905338280372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295520118416104,0.0,0.0,0.1421647589824975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695658839764129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164178435161624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880399481882459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744539223686398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869522823677322,0.0,0.17650891726769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426681797909426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232777718125528,0.0,0.3815453005308494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243916531501334,0.16057028049507568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175278742179673,0.0,0.13845945857259367,0.10169796414103144,0.0,0.16531718286623492,0.0,0.19377228921042125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057392107642667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573749424714148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238935337733591,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pretty-Visitor,2018/04/06,"Everyone keeps attacking me for something I didn't do As the title says, I've been getting harassed for something that I didn't do. Someone who's mad at me, an ex friend, started saying that I called my ex a slut and bragged about how I was gonna sleep with her. This wasn't true, I didn't even sleep with her at all. Of course, she believed him and now she's pissed at me. She told all her friends that this happened too, and now I'm getting messages and threats about it. I still really care about this girl, and I'd still literally die for her. She doesn't realize that she's really hurting me. She's blocked me on everything, her friends won't listen. I'm starting to think that a well written suicide note will leave a message. I haven't felt this bad in years, I want it all to be over. Nobody will listen to me.",4.167566844919784,4.5935713823529465,4.666684491978613,89.13098930481286,70.47058823529412,7.828877005347593,30.16042780748663,7.686295010490155,1.6624705882352946,645,25,143,7,11,205,96,170,0.229,0.682,0.09,-0.9785,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,5,0,5,0,14,4,3,1,4,18,31,7,2,1,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,4,0,1,12,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,9,5,27,6,19,17,3,13,0,1,0,1,27,6,1,0,7,93,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805240343255509,0.0,0.0,0.1324930996421853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878062262931968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620323789799549,0.0,0.1617871893926088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468718377738215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480816836119466,0.0,0.0,0.1516277461920304,0.14261342721059594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235990110948744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677926743364015,0.0,0.16580991390271654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032224157167605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987269346295955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104412702909958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802165305012662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331190055658926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252381081919786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175938144322196,0.0,0.13445100526072545,0.24432278758460016,0.0,0.0,0.2246323097338996,0.0,0.2534477934928537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735726905921309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167721613650624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516277461920304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359493701788607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426744525458498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218620423145404
suicidewatch,Ashley321123,2018/04/06,Depressed I m arranged married for 8years with a drug addict tried every hard to make it work but its not scared to talk to anyone dont know how my parents will feel dad will be so upset he will end up sick if he knows i m suffering feel like killing myself but what will happen to my parents,4.18565573770492,4.718149491803281,4.672254098360657,88.7267418032787,70.47540983606558,6.755737704918031,26.72540983606557,5.985473137389443,0.8536524590163932,233,7,49,1,4,74,48,61,0.298,0.619,0.084,-0.9534,2,0,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,2,1,0,6,3,0,2,0,11,12,5,1,1,4,3,3,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,5,1,7,7,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114460779805694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467072147508953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905223625567647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25924900715349386,0.0,0.25652598352513833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959207596396004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637359887623545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369440370715246,0.15802791761209425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560963964796807,0.0,0.19815500383658427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447290427697645,0.0,0.2431354603643496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806892028784296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476551408315671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912409073005343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146342311358472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779509890863984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018274471687065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610388773067336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CactusCare,2018/04/06,"Seven pounds Does anyone remember the movie seven pounds? I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I think this is what I want to do. 
My plan is to quit my job, sell my car, pay off all debts, become an organ donor and kill myself. What always stopped me from suicide were thoughts of how it would affect my parents and the burden I would leave behind. But now I’m an adult and I can afford to tie up my loose ends. I don’t think my family would understand but I know they’ll come to terms with it and move on. 
I think this is a responsible way to handle my suicide. I’m excited and scared by this decision but for some reason having finally made it feels good.",2.210857843137255,4.027102683823532,3.4932352941176497,90.20372549019608,77.30882352941177,6.5921568627451,20.15686274509804,7.492282038375204,0.4914039215686277,519,12,111,7,12,169,90,136,0.161,0.762,0.077,-0.875,4,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,1,1,6,0,13,0,0,4,1,33,26,10,3,4,3,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,11,0,3,3,1,3,0,2,4,1,17,2,15,18,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,75,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330424869904112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179981273957904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658753381150724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773231808822586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139922076921788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161635783816476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073141996891867,0.0,0.08084591643085877,0.0,0.0,0.17515325744915822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410935415041847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586675828730971,0.0,0.17689618883689415,0.0,0.08787215408270885,0.0,0.0,0.1693019488075411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593398479616514,0.0,0.15129314685310782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699392970676328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754052260972308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006422821688755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643950305405555,0.0,0.0,0.18112583291987344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007922505716493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367640358026586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497905685792677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40980791531911664,0.0,0.12693594357446214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645262825755988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430811415073888,0.12691438299965008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34074687510172097,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brkn9,2018/04/06,Think I’m gonna overdose I can’t take this pain. This time I’ll do it right. ,-3.3896491228070147,-1.9045292631578936,-0.6989473684210523,111.35403508771928,104.78947368421049,2.533333333333333,11.596491228070176,3.1291,-2.231329824561404,60,1,18,0,3,20,16,19,0.23,0.77,0.0,-0.596,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969397988029217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790879213760012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42179952964959705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594638868532173,0.0,0.0,0.32712155391002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsertANameHeree,2018/04/06,"It's not worth the effort. Been struggling financially in the military ever since my mother essentially stole thousands of dollars from me, got separated from the military for being autistic and because I've had a history of suicidal thoughts, and still struggling to make ends meet as a civilian. So tired of this, I can't do anything. I just live to work and sleep, I don't have any friends and have never known what it's like to have a half-decent life.

I'm putting all this effort into life, and for what? Something I hate? Something I don't give two shits about? I don't care anymore.",5.154736842105262,6.4159642543859645,5.493815789473686,81.0554605263158,68.73684210526315,8.156140350877193,32.671052631578945,8.472884824447931,2.560757894736842,471,21,88,7,8,150,76,114,0.211,0.745,0.044,-0.9603,1,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,2,2,6,0,11,5,2,1,3,14,18,7,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,6,4,0,2,4,0,8,3,14,13,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,5,59,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831989194898868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871359339194701,0.0,0.0,0.15528090103184208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502745683876238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238835975958773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167128832078184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706865229853593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578622203818134,0.0,0.0,0.18101459667309802,0.0,0.0,0.15091759507643066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862984392715391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665634239087379,0.09218743570044274,0.0,0.16662220853142218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595618393331134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553414818070792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896918070462872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936939456335691,0.1560914529961483,0.0,0.18883248190971114,0.0,0.0,0.2905351192004748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069303527008562,0.0,0.0,0.3945324933905978,0.0,0.20640302466125945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980371139459495,0.0,0.21687853249252875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432877635519695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373730866140248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twixieshores,2018/04/06,"Better off dead than sober [xpost from r/stopdrinking] The title should say it all. My fiancée thinks drinking is no good for me, but after I gave up benzos and opiates, booze is the only thing that keeps me from killing myself.

""Oh, but there's so much life has to offer! Sobriety is freeing!""

...

For me, it's really not. I have so much social anxiety, that even with an advanced degree, all I can manage to hold down is a minimum wage job that is so stressful that I'd rather be dead than continue working where I am. I've literally tried jumping into and hiding in a cardboard baler, hoping that someone would turn it on and crush me.

What is there to enjoy from being sober? I'm better off dead than living the rest of my life in this state.",3.310714285714284,5.023318931972792,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857143,73.96598639455782,6.8047619047619055,23.814625850340143,7.492282038375204,1.0808870748299322,581,17,113,7,12,189,100,147,0.205,0.691,0.104,-0.9665,2,0,2,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,4,8,8,1,1,6,0,14,4,0,0,2,17,20,8,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,11,5,2,2,1,1,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,11,7,22,15,5,14,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,84,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966330966324244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36917575878469816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044572792644894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785161768432047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505684721930814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729707156288146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711341866965516,0.18551188690587805,0.23090774912065626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948374403214721,0.0,0.0,0.18429559743700727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068531337132802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873408650650864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370558241993144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659753288296323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275453550554455,0.17684011527231716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907769432373424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386582848386986,0.13373355288255614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170103861338326,0.2270175866856662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194406131354954,0.0,0.0,0.1482622745520408,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depresso_ALT,2018/04/07,"Suicidal thoughts are apart of my life now. The voice is always there, like a manipulative predator, slow and steadily  feeding the phrase: “I want to die”, I can’t concentrate in class anymore, my life is slowly grinding to a halt. The nights feel even more darker and lonelier, and your by yourself to begin with. ",8.562631578947368,8.224480350877194,7.760350877192984,73.26578947368422,61.280701754385966,10.40701754385965,38.29824561403509,9.725611199111238,3.6958350877192987,248,11,43,4,3,77,46,57,0.179,0.76,0.061,-0.8505,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,9,8,3,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,7,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,28,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815440603997861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33556391022402826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35116604963300896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348472788522356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710858545535628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779897851580648,0.16530644729343572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175295572175653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701128083033156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686214139037251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995745117765216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Panda32567899o,2018/04/07,"Dealing with daily thoughts  I'll be finishing College soon and starting a job, but lately, the last few months or so, I've had suicidal thoughts daily. I'm just curious to hear about others and how they're dealing with their thoughts. Most days if I just leave my apartment and try to walk or just distract myself that helps. I don't have any sort of active plan to take my life, so at this point I'm not really interested in doing therapy. I kind of just want to see how I feel after I graduate to decide any sort of plan of action. I've done talk counseling before and it did help and gave me some strategies to deal with anxieties, but the underlying depression has always been there. Basically I'm just trying to see what other people's motivations or grounders to their life. I don't want to die I just don't want to feel like this anymore",6.855476190476189,6.273563595238098,7.212619047619048,76.59904761904764,64.83333333333333,10.561904761904763,32.95238095238096,9.994966539143718,3.0269595238095244,676,24,132,13,9,221,105,168,0.116,0.746,0.138,0.2315,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,3,13,5,0,1,3,0,11,2,0,3,0,37,28,15,2,4,13,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,8,5,13,3,22,19,3,15,0,1,2,0,10,5,0,8,9,83,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830204792961302,0.0,0.0,0.1933694809835184,0.0,0.10876445903853092,0.0,0.14100065806538858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120981535819454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169193358498598,0.4397324809317582,0.1224562148668799,0.0,0.14755652374959016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549568895325496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377719023256486,0.10157075722964844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602429917658647,0.0,0.19059551654526186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410880119467538,0.0,0.0,0.14805470876639978,0.0,0.11589263781368996,0.16038102774381155,0.15054414357009238,0.0,0.0,0.20084661133798784,0.06946014496989522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134837439866082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098567125444252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344025326108725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910817605685866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659216255356354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006330972025756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551776558556651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068988625988104,0.11427590200991618,0.0,0.0,0.16259095798454692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386162365219235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305671218377296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515777469166575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shim_Slady72,2018/04/07,"Just don't want to be alive I've never had anybody care about me and I'm done with it. Every friend I've ever had has left me, it's almost been a year since I've had a friend and I'm just tired of life. I've never had a relationship but I would love one. I had one girl interested in me in my whole life and I feel like I loved her, her depression took her away from me and I have cried every night for 3 months. Fuck this I don't want to be alone forever if I just kill myself I can cut this shit short.",-1.267900621118013,0.6398888000000049,1.2605279503105606,100.65576086956524,91.43478260869566,4.6770186335403725,12.562111801242235,6.18269132825596,-1.1933975155279506,392,5,103,4,14,133,69,115,0.27,0.555,0.175,-0.9191,0,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,4,0,3,0,15,7,1,0,3,18,25,6,1,4,5,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,8,1,17,7,10,14,1,12,0,1,0,3,9,5,2,2,7,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639722505279643,0.16959590432474578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384877725139362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695432260891505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987199212849336,0.0,0.0,0.14103787517494026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757338808314867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812150204462418,0.2759333447419249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279706110085153,0.11698323188538967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530261183838018,0.15138449410317134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811654218572944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791515703060404,0.0,0.23132332915883974,0.0800001148700126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29558203968878416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307039102602301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525886197724047,0.0,0.0,0.15366854389494936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192285359528569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580651758779886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808730802170566,0.13545592276257515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820685682830784,0.0,0.0,0.1819325848882131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931683141058276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828213384078241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632349982636275,0.0,0.0,0.1054498107760444
suicidewatch,JackIsntWell,2018/04/07,"Become very apathetic in the past year. Hi!

Twenty years old. Young, you don't have to remind me. People do all the time, haha.

These past years have been very well to me. I have soared in my studies to the point of gaining work in my industry before having graduated college. Family's fine. I'm happy in my work; very passionate. 

Through my entire life I've been extremely anxious. Middle school, high school, college... everything's been tightly strung. I've wanted to die in the past for those reasons but stress has kept me through it; no time to think about it. 


Now, I've reached a point of certainty of success. There's no doubt I'll flying higher through the years to come if I keep the same effort I've had to this point. Everything's become unwound but I guess my mind hasn't.


People (friends and peers) have come to respect me and love me. I try my best to be positive and nice through all situations, and found myself close to a lot of people. Far more than my inner introvert would have guessed. 


I'm finding some odd peace that I ""made it"". and don't want to stick around to see the rest. Why would I? I'm feeling okay with that work being wasted to get here. This specific point is quite literally all I've been fighting to get to the past eight years.

Everything is starting to come in. I've been really out of it lately. People have been starting to pull me aside and ask what's wrong one-by-one.


The only thing making me really hesitate is the countless that'd be really, *really* hurt if I died. Though I'm unsure how much longer that'll keep me onboard.


Feels odd asking about this at all. I don't have any apparent external forces or dread pulling me out of it. But I'm feeling pretty damn sure that an attempt will be made after I complete a promised favour mid-April. Hm.


Thanks for taking the time to read! ",2.236190012727409,4.620957994459836,3.218459234858128,89.36568690574232,79.85872576177285,6.340375832896607,22.499139028224892,7.534196372845213,0.9704294527214201,1440,46,289,22,37,459,188,361,0.145,0.6759999999999999,0.179,0.9348,1,0,0,0,2,0,54.0,0,1,0,9,9,23,2,3,15,3,33,3,0,5,5,51,66,14,2,6,6,0,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,17,14,0,4,7,1,0,5,6,7,2,1,11,5,27,16,45,46,11,43,0,1,1,2,7,19,1,8,19,167,44,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054932608752826295,0.0,0.0,0.0912574744016521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191059155901282,0.15103524769743848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842850366048427,0.06873712790336914,0.0,0.08477276004653872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087523186806963,0.08469542766287161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676720596618705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779734033368306,0.0,0.07615141663505583,0.0,0.12253313343638765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383070213134076,0.0,0.0,0.08857019549021493,0.062409789901940425,0.0,0.08440756936498219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797473585717286,0.0,0.0,0.08599093342696926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534763303209159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647577710645077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360048389768848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112242742356948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057056719932454265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867556554042048,0.07290635889130798,0.15287041629960638,0.0539207262951732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156393877534703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938198788995357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476415520579553,0.0,0.05473805927936773,0.06143620231990087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084514499769723,0.22400843443878699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054497204729561,0.0,0.0,0.08218146118907277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591859547487768,0.08080103457553636,0.0,0.20699683082913065,0.08305444522454583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635056745459716,0.06437054362819876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079917674679004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435183107690915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253227156125722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613341606284986,0.0,0.060735886194606875,0.0,0.0,0.07437061093226792,0.0,0.0,0.05366609420927015,0.051760033353107165,0.07936512889018896,0.0,0.1413089589259639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484375705803392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995383673321385,0.09529130017139374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263017913959227,0.0,0.07289064066490544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642460351672276,0.0,0.0,0.11476641591299774,0.08831934647997719,0.0,0.26009569991307313
suicidewatch,sebastiansokay,2018/04/07,I wish I had the courage. I wish I could just go through with it. I wish the thought of the pain it’d cause my family didn’t weigh so heavy on me. I wish suicide wasn’t such a violent and sad thing. I wish I could just disappear and be forgotten. I’m so worn out. ,-1.0101210653753014,0.9195145254237324,1.2971428571428592,100.77491525423729,90.1864406779661,6.083292978208232,20.292978208232448,7.447530270364453,0.3920537530266346,203,7,54,4,7,68,39,59,0.298,0.466,0.236,-0.659,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,4,0,7,2,0,1,0,15,16,4,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,0,10,1,5,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989445461922605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485462097001821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673207630217056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845894468499907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562156820980284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702548029108205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340631571033844,0.0,0.0,0.1235679632149465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8949436565966655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsniamhalice,2018/04/07,"Can someone please tell me whats wrong with me?? I don’t know what happened but I somehow ended up sat outside my old high school, I can't really remember walking there, I originally just walked to this field next to my house because I needed to get out and then I was meant to go home but I think I just carried on walking or something because I ended up on the floor outside the school gates. I stayed sat there for about 30 minutes, 3 cars stopped and asked me if I was okay and stuff. I just didn’t want to move because I was so tired and really confused about how I got there (obviously I walked but I can't really remember it) and why I went there of all places?? I haven’t been there for 2 years and I have really bad memories of that place so seeing it made me feel shit. After a while I got up, I didn’t want to go home so I just walked around for ages, I was in a really low mood and I kept getting these huge urges just to jump in front of the cars that were going by. I don’t know how to explain how I felt but my head felt fuzzy and it was like I wasn’t actually there. I was going to call the crisis team thing because I felt like I was going to do something stupid again but I didn’t want my mom to know. Another hour went by and I started walking home, I crossed this bridge that went over train tracks and I just stared over the fence looking down for ages, I don’t even know if I was going to jump or not because I was so out of it at that point. I managed to get myself home somehow and its been like an hour and I’m more myself now, hence why I’m writing this, I still feel low, but I’ve been trying to distract myself by listening to music and stuff. I don’t want to have to feel like this and to fear what’s going to happen when I’m low, because I don’t know what I’d do, there’s no reasoning with myself when I’m like that. I’m scared, and I need help, but I don’t know how I could get help, I’ve been trying to make it better since I was 13/14 and it just keeps getting worse. ",1.8823068582271643,3.0162467834101427,3.3361615613987543,93.87928435890484,76.55760368663593,6.396204933586339,21.75088099756032,6.794906146795322,0.24610214150176235,1560,39,372,14,34,513,174,434,0.142,0.765,0.093,-0.9825,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,2,33,19,2,4,8,1,34,3,2,8,2,82,90,39,0,9,19,1,6,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,24,21,0,4,18,1,0,23,15,11,0,0,32,10,57,7,50,57,2,67,0,3,3,0,10,23,1,7,25,236,81,4,0.0,0.0,0.07231440726309131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770406779836987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596789958270874,0.06927684668939009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187339634692325,0.2710371376990413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553859704150873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566804333762861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059165681019260466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312675585416982,0.0,0.0,0.048944717565823415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338713269613521,0.11240699411369487,0.052939614374012935,0.21345318150569892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935803175572606,0.0,0.2948034168449005,0.0,0.11853480934636185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105910711577368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605165485864329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993401390570384,0.07829450381954531,0.2973277424256955,0.0,0.14595420409756174,0.08550558523810689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586666926538311,0.0,0.0,0.24435234685428175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101633724927652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222834610550944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011860181502971,0.049464716956856836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678922058124695,0.0,0.078760381098958,0.0,0.10989373539756232,0.0,0.0,0.0788100010170921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775924460641187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548449438089393,0.0813434810493279,0.07005183816069219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373632634295091,0.0761908250744146,0.0,0.0,0.16788982741240827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419061387849837,0.14999356403291667,0.05905096128523185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606626286879307,0.06129924947493615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278772524912994,0.11409711685840793,0.0,0.0,0.052450897329845085,0.07898455949189613,0.05917921696445656,0.061953913377255726,0.0,0.0,0.16966174640667706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476979763329672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492311276689756,0.047482583700251525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517116737548483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062293689723947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483285242212385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060842910616508,0.13373391484217675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551788174092815,0.0,0.0810206348395888,0.0,0.04772027775541078
suicidewatch,Nekoooochan,2018/04/07,"I want to go home I am home...physically. I have such a great boyfriend. I know I will hurt him, but I hurt him more by existing. I have no money, no future bc I fucked up my studies bc of my depression. He supports me so mich he suffers from it. I don't want to be a burden. I am going home for real monday morning. ",-1.3505797101449275,0.6212107536231883,2.1072463768115948,93.6098550724638,93.63768115942028,4.8057971014492775,19.26086956521739,6.42735559955562,0.09802608695652193,238,8,56,3,9,86,47,69,0.383,0.516,0.101,-0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,5,14,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,15,2,7,12,1,5,0,4,0,1,4,1,1,0,2,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354400509038896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970088979418731,0.0,0.0,0.2422209806828402,0.0,0.0,0.2349451501775389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6412745231348502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562591150079711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711500837984898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425561547781205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24182505077374375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251385565640183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LukeVinscotti,2018/04/07,Hoping for a heart Attack I've been eating like complete shit this year and gained massive weight hoping to get a heart attack I have felt chest pains regularly and I just wished it happened already,8.569459459459459,8.503010945945952,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216219,61.16216216216216,8.481081081081081,32.013513513513516,7.1686216300943375,2.10765945945946,163,5,27,1,2,49,30,37,0.266,0.507,0.226,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,2,0,2,7,4,0,0,7,8,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175710883064852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485961848760455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671862822097326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174401752286494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930462810993645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300802199175156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434803752720918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672713683512618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916489590563391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963224726745492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097922619350524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202382023577921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24008790339911865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267244007543801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269646491572634
suicidewatch,Ajhbdbdsjbdd,2018/04/07,"My story I'm 16 years old, ever since i was 10 i hated my life, i would think about killing myself but not in a serious way, my mom had breakouts in front of me saying that she would kill herself, and throwing shit everywere, screamming at me, i think thats why now i can't show compassion to her, i like her but i just want to get as far away from her as possible, thats why i live with my grandma and my aunt, i know my family loves me, but i can't show love to them, and seem to hate them. My best friend is rhis girl that i really love, and she really loves me but only as friends, we dated about 2 years ago and ever since then i have liked her (she knows that i like her), and for those 2 years she has made out with lots of guys, sometines she would tell me that and i just got miserable, today she told me she had a bet to make out with 10 different guys, and she made out with 5 this month some of them guys that i know, the guy she likes is a real douchebag, and even knows about the bet, i love her, i fell my happiest when i talk to her, and she is just a bitch, i can't stand this, i have liked for 2 years recently i got some hopes that she liked me, just to have them thrown away, i am miserable, i regret almost every single life choice that i made, i don't have any female friends other than that girl, the only sexual encounter that i had since her was with this ugly girl that i lost my virginity with, i regreat that soo much, when i look baxk at my life i see nothing good, i just failure and losses, i am miserable now and i cry every day, the things i loved before are just boring now, the only things that make me happy us talking to that girl and talking to my real friends, i am now addicted to tobacco i started smoking to calm myself and now i can't stop, i keep thinking today is the day i stop, but i just get depressed and end up smoking, sometimes i smoke weed or cheap hash too, my real friends are the string that holds me from ending it all, every time i leave the house i hope i get runned over by a car and everything just ends, i don't want to stop writing this, i don't to go back to miserable life i have, i have nothing to hope for, i'm not a good student, i love exercise and i'm really athletic, but im so depressed i can't even go to the gym or exercise, i don't have the motivation and will probably start crying once i get there, i want to die but i don't have the guts to do it myself, i don't know what to do, i'm scared to tell this to anyone, because i fell like i can't trust anyone, i never thought this would happen, i can't take much more of this, theres is a shotgun that belong to my grandfather before he died, i just need shells and i can end it all, i'm so ashamed of myself for letting things get to this point, i love a total bitch, my life is full of bad decisions and regreats, i hate my family, nothing makes me happy anymore, and the only thing that keeps me away from doing it are my friends who have no idea i'm like this 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suicidewatch,pieceoffilth,2018/04/07,"I think I might have sexually assaulted someone, and the guilt is killing me. I'll try to make this as short as possible.

This was about 4 years ago, I was a 16 year old high school junior I went to a party with my friends. The party was at a rented house with no furniture, and the guy that got the house didn't care that we walked around and explored the upstairs part. While I was upstairs with my friends, a drunk girl walks up to us and asks to borrow a cellphone to call someone. I oblige and give her my phone. She thanked me and went downstairs. We hang out upstairs for a bit and eventually go outside to play beer pong. While im watching and talking to friends, the drunk girl walks up to us. I put arm around her and say ""what's up"" and she gets close to me. I start feeling her up a bit. One of my friends, who is a girl, says I better not fuck her. I say I wont.

Some more of my friends arrived, and I excuse myself to go talk to them. We talk for a good 15-20 minutes, before I notice across the room that the drunk girl is sitting against the wall crying (she wasn't balling her eyes out, she was just sniveling). I say to my friends, ""im gonna go hook up with that girl"". They laugh and I walk over to prove them wrong.

I sit up against the wall put my around the drunk girl and we talk for a bit. She also cuddles with me a little. I eventually asked her if she wanted to go upstairs, she said yes. We up stairs find an empty room. I ask to kiss her (remember it's my first time, I have no idea what im doing) and she says yes. We make out for like 10 minutes, she bites my neck etc.

I asked her if she wants to take it further, I don't remember exactly what she said, but she didn't give a definite answer either way. Soon after this, the cops show up. We clear it out of the house through the back door and I lose the drunk girl during the commotion.

I find the friends I got to the party with and we walk back to our car. As were about to leave, the drunk girl walks up to me and says she doesn't have a ride. I offer her a ride and she accepts. My friend who owns the car, is pissed about it.

We ask her where she wants to go and she says her friends house. We get to the neighborhood and realize that there's a gate with a key pad. She doesn't the code, so I offer to leg it with her to her friends house. As we're walking down the sidewalk we come across a little park that's flanked by a chest high hedge. We're walking side by side, I had got my arm around her shoulder, and we walked over behind the hedge. I get behind her and start fingering her. Her head fell back in ecstasy, as I recall it ,and she seemed to enjoy it.

After about 30 seconds I stop fingering her and guide her to her knees and pull out my penis. She sucked it for approximately 10 seconds before slumping over and sitting Indian style on the floor. I helped her up and we walked to her friends house. That was the last time I ever saw her. I never asked for her name, she never asked for mine.

After that I tell my friends what happened and they congratulated me.

When Monday came around a bunch of people already knew that I hooked up with a girl, mainly because someone took a picture of me sitting with girl on the floor, with my arm around her while she crying. The way the picture was taken, at the moment it was taken, one could easily come to the conclusion that I was doing was sexual assault. It started out as a joke, ""haha you sexually assaulted that her"" and ""lol dude, that was sexual assault you're a rapist"".

Eventually it got to the point where my nickname was the ""rapist"", especially at parties, for the rest of high school. A drunk snapchat video I made with a friend of mine where I exclaimed ""we out here raping b*tches everyday fam"" was hilarious at the time, but now when I think about I cringe at the thought that what I did was very wrong. To this day, my one annoying ass friend pulls the video out to embarrass me. I cringe and I feel guilty every time he does it.

When people ask me who the first girl I ever kissed was I reminded of what I did that day. For four years this eaten away at me. The only thing keeping me sane is the fact that the person she called had received call from me and thus had my phone number saved in their recent call list. If she felt she had been raped or assaulted she could've called the cops and given them my phone number. But she didn't. I never heard a thing from her to this day.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I did something incredibly wrong and shameful, but my friends tell me to forget about it. Another times they'll hold over my head when I criticize them for drinking too much or doing hard drugs, ""shut the fuck M******, you raped a girl lol"" I want to believe their joking but it still hurts. 

It has come to the point where this is all I think about. It's first thing that comes into my head when I wake up, last thing I think about before going to bed. I wish I could say fuck it and be done with it but's it's like a specter haunting over me.",2.9734117234117217,4.06660925096525,3.6897051597051593,92.57323095823095,73.76833976833977,6.771779571779572,23.493155493155488,7.035267151848704,0.5461444015444021,3888,104,888,36,77,1232,363,1036,0.123,0.741,0.135,0.6324,1,0,4,0,0,0,127.0,17,2,9,6,37,57,17,3,73,5,53,39,17,4,10,147,125,61,1,10,14,0,7,3,15,4,1,11,6,14,56,82,10,3,23,16,2,36,15,25,0,9,49,21,176,32,140,69,14,160,0,2,3,12,156,70,6,8,51,594,232,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035320773722417785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439706769861268,0.03186456016053856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178164905064461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282651272195488,0.2980025090292254,0.0,0.03743630950777855,0.0919165597763554,0.0,0.024289544695861583,0.0,0.1017171664774291,0.04489241438972686,0.0,0.03524024852811347,0.1305034233954414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343437098334832,0.045572820398871214,0.040625306268348885,0.0,0.0,0.13729403275261856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544055247932537,0.0,0.0875371737027177,0.07709146366781082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486920585952984,0.040775944623186906,0.0,0.03903357771041792,0.0462083158090751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044438443979300926,0.0,0.07208536192963956,0.03357168734723138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044148925488815,0.02846574769278517,0.03825808253932773,0.0,0.07283642333147268,0.1016780949342152,0.0,0.0,0.4617698748048719,0.11051001269898222,0.06245313884166675,0.07644717630604755,0.13587124201424838,0.03342064941026733,0.12747285810688685,0.0,0.0,0.03945346824070349,0.035235385826975794,0.0,0.03569388515971556,0.0,0.12267942887893107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026707706200745942,0.1262973834138664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585925335791817,0.04265560347806719,0.04498090046868405,0.12912045207954134,0.0,0.0,0.035416653688223644,0.04408331951624598,0.0,0.021898132856782836,0.06495906257737072,0.0,0.042190801017694735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839973084812735,0.07987163893857557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044577101770762406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037702927220741,0.05319457533790062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226994884000999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02929114503423522,0.0,0.09219428893306343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536454836740751,0.04181131774231888,0.0,0.08100135193600262,0.030304420186129968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043148967193242765,0.0,0.055247927656094604,0.03479169367099398,0.0,0.0,0.0753340565123927,0.044919995088173965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011178812982121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934278254783895,0.0,0.09027473138627236,0.0,0.07580469505381447,0.2534949469811845,0.0,0.0806518710003775,0.0,0.036273992655249374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128329605039596,0.030675135995701343,0.0,0.0,0.08460889037290355,0.0,0.031820795800766945,0.03331275619648884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029958977705595056,0.12810572974758452,0.06965372677316768,0.03668453058760411,0.0,0.0,0.1058867447696616,0.10212596093834804,0.0,0.0316330034891182,0.11617162480896168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426999472537988,0.02705258781814906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585884659182277,0.0,0.0,0.032876842737555895,0.09400801128428912,0.06325526099535635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387465262292166,0.0,0.0,0.04582054292250767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306949234438591,0.0,0.07697789656068754
suicidewatch,arcissis6741,2018/04/07,"Narcissist Losing I havent been diagnosed officially as a Narcissist, but a psychologist friend of mine pointed out that I exhibit traits of vulnerable narcissist of cluster B personality. I have done few research and I believe she was right. 

I have been lying about my success to everyone around me. But truth is I was terrible, I was unemployed for 2 years, I used to lie to people that I am at work. I got back to school to finish my undergrad. My course is getting over soon, I am going fail real hard. People are going to know I am a failure and shit person. Its killing me every day, I have anxiety attacks thinking about it.  I stopped using any social media, stop meeting people. But I know I cant run for long. Only way I can end this is by ending my life.",2.5347203579418363,4.9373252013422855,4.756483221476512,78.65333780760628,78.86577181208054,7.7317225950783,27.382997762863532,8.648137234880735,2.475047964205817,601,26,109,14,15,208,97,149,0.274,0.652,0.07400000000000001,-0.9866,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,3,0,3,0,19,3,1,2,1,16,28,6,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,7,1,25,3,19,21,1,20,0,2,0,0,6,6,1,0,10,79,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042228367722613,0.0,0.11724435938225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643491573420205,0.0,0.17435668232395082,0.0,0.11784836322576382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267283185819252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884076203499292,0.0,0.0,0.15555683996916236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568393664162058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271487775138522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912912801212256,0.14644759559618714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840918342707325,0.0,0.08007262465772885,0.0,0.17420368560127275,0.0,0.12257694141424202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729188581934715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695607536831799,0.0,0.16845663857424034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825288190914203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356312938923492,0.0,0.17146002288862913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656200991847505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187559497197868,0.26764344724965616,0.0,0.0,0.1448813240521179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444474053611492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088418372015218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510846486665816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573203668809809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562304406292784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562663660507245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820355577433112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647368491993339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165156624430447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115759417001914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986951550004898
suicidewatch,SirAnonymous23,2018/04/07,"You have the steps for grief, you have the steps of recovery, what are the steps for suicide? Wondering where I am on the steps. ",1.5766666666666684,4.1681263999999985,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,85.0,6.533333333333335,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.7451333333333334,100,3,22,2,3,30,16,25,0.259,0.741,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7101451972435847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7040552526839567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bananagirli,2018/04/07,"I don’t want to do this anymore I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety   Since my freshman year of high school. I made a plan to kill myself after I graduated high school but I backed out. I didn’t go to college right after graduation so I took a gap year. For that whole year I was depressed but I managed to workout everyday and I lost 40 pounds but I ended up developing an eating disorder I starved myself and only ate about 500 calories a day and sometimes less. According to my doctor I’m a healthy weight for my height but I feel so disgusting still. During my gap year I decided to go to community college because I felt like such a piece of shit for not doing anything even though I’m a horrible student and  it was part of the cause for my depression in high school . I’m 19 now and I’m finishing up my first semester in Community College and I fucking hate it. I’m only going because I feel like I have to. My heart isn’t in it at all

I’m on spring break right now and I go back on Monday. I’ve been drinking and crying for the past three days about it. I want to drop out but I don’t want to feel like a fucking failure. But I can’t do another year and a half of school. I knew my mental health would somehow get it in the way of going back to school. 

I’ve been having suicidal thoughts like crazy my depression hasn’t been this bad in a while. Everything seems pointless. I feel disgusting in my body I want to starve myself thin. I want to get blackout drunk and down all the pills I can find. life is fucking hard we all die anyway so why not take control of how and when you’re going to.",1.5962946833605542,3.703836520958085,3.3722427871529668,88.9122690981673,80.49700598802394,6.563454908365087,24.49246960624206,7.686295010490155,1.2642127744510976,1274,48,269,21,33,425,161,334,0.274,0.66,0.066,-0.9982,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,4,18,19,8,1,14,0,20,15,3,4,3,48,56,25,3,6,8,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,16,5,1,10,3,0,7,8,15,0,3,14,8,40,4,44,41,7,55,0,5,0,3,1,21,4,2,28,173,48,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417870519104782,0.0614126126843695,0.0,0.07961441521024172,0.0,0.0,0.06606212858236789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851869699592379,0.06702895405387994,0.09787370621486594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917099644651517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246783769147296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003884129819109,0.0,0.0,0.08818184664572172,0.1035456113755105,0.0,0.2765740265117105,0.0,0.08331611008036463,0.0,0.0920057862829336,0.08216815197619454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864208582706554,0.0,0.08214465266859605,0.0,0.0,0.0711026682689451,0.0,0.0,0.0530230021074776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214888085327703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162364304932945,0.1147015418261354,0.0770796731203494,0.0,0.07337283168692695,0.06828460637890676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226477410781625,0.08388410513964836,0.0,0.2737437484000519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191350997996229,0.07925811460436546,0.0,0.08533198570478875,0.0,0.0951300681093151,0.0,0.2544550166488119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881594771194372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670287546181936,0.15687951809791667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763315187870165,0.0,0.0,0.07596118553164964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090155636926066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211039586981147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693348087471284,0.07663463731689815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711430935639454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40622918352372056,0.0,0.0730822694462645,0.0,0.0,0.08240443130509069,0.06640696679320301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939720468102941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411028404863706,0.0,0.0,0.08392421777275505,0.0,0.08781133458367603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060359224908705524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788729359977082,0.0637319334090952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919204769251445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23675084777963,0.06372110828675798,0.0,0.0977572355146384,0.0,0.0,0.07243860013066432,0.08962775714146633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702733872905754,0.0,0.0,0.25848268350836023
suicidewatch,guipassos,2018/04/07,"I don't want this life anymore I never was a person that talks about problems with others. I keep them to myself, i lie almost everytime to everyone. For everybody they think i'm Ok, but inside i am suffering. With this lie problem, I just got dropout college because of my grades, and my mom hates me because of that, she cries everytime when she talks to me, so I can't see her face anymore because i don't want to see her crying over me and my family disappointing. She thinks that I put my future on the trash. I'm poor and I manage to get a pretty good university on my country, but I get dropped out. I'm alone, the only time i feel OK, it is when i am at my PC, to avoid all the troubles, but i know i can't live a life in this way, so i'd rather die than face my reality. Sorry telling this, but I do not know what to do.  It's like the Biggie song, Suicidal Thoughts: ""I know my mother wish she got a fuckin' abortion
She don't even love me like she did when I was younger"". So this is my thoughts right now",4.0143005366726285,3.851142716279072,5.294418604651167,86.56101967799644,70.67441860465118,8.475849731663686,28.63148479427549,8.139509932561175,1.6210214669051872,784,26,180,10,13,263,115,215,0.244,0.6579999999999999,0.098,-0.9887,0,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,1,11,14,2,1,8,2,14,6,2,0,2,31,37,13,2,6,7,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,12,6,0,2,8,1,1,1,7,8,0,0,7,4,42,6,20,30,1,17,0,2,2,2,17,7,1,1,9,116,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325601369369491,0.1371064691058804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26257214199451473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420941165420372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29082793986057426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739025419380266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874361960806632,0.0,0.0,0.12649542067776562,0.0,0.0,0.12479673130761584,0.0,0.06693565357654227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832689160402914,0.0,0.0,0.1110346405493876,0.2117538592076696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069852279363228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766603824657992,0.0,0.0,0.2182588926331848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870087901536558,0.12934903494944652,0.0,0.11689457305612735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947873963761226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504266212639606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210014779310056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006814787204828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558971082340555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346787516722138,0.0,0.2533408805158394,0.0,0.13307915548808366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130523844542905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109805383080801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818934233530293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480298669622554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280516545663167,0.11570655645021564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964839947225266,0.0,0.21019095881677946,0.07719224389899848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561631195967583,0.10507762852327092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223125830748865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alamhigo,2018/04/07,Too weak to leave an abusive relationship reminiscent of my traumatic childhood. Things aren’t bright for me if I leave or stay. I want to die. I’d write more but I can’t think anymore right now. ,1.3099999999999987,3.9253589743589785,2.580205128205129,90.45646153846157,87.46153846153845,6.196923076923077,23.18461538461539,7.554174236665415,1.1460830769230768,156,6,33,3,5,50,33,39,0.29100000000000004,0.631,0.078,-0.7543,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.3396763941482205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843157813382105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975351244244516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6071188091217736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077938040410603,0.0,0.2448285394948017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30556945811579345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046164340236396,0.18369700944793296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909501147799708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleBlueBabies,2018/04/07,"Closer than I've been for a while Hello boyos and girlos,
I won't go into it just like I don't irl but I'm closer to killing myself rn than I have been in a longo time due to a very recent incident. I'm not gonna do it, at least atm, but I guess I'm just surprised how quickly the urge finds you after you thought you were clear for years. If this is on the wrong subreddit lemme know and I'll delete and move as appropriate. I don't expect any replies but feel free if you want, I just kinda wanted to get it off of my chest and out of my mind and I don't want to worry any of my friends.
Tldr: Fuckin kms but cba",1.7843478260869574,2.4216306231884097,3.558666666666668,94.12799999999999,76.10144927536231,6.389565217391305,20.321739130434786,6.2581,-0.12090086956521695,478,9,119,3,10,161,88,138,0.073,0.769,0.158,0.8342,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,4,0,0,5,7,2,0,5,0,10,2,1,1,1,30,23,14,1,6,10,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,2,2,5,3,0,0,4,1,15,5,19,17,1,17,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,4,8,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236462958575145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032135270492088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749406962343226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384979145897107,0.0,0.12432595951447133,0.0,0.13523998030483586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621433121607845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327104285351394,0.0,0.13077836099945678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625680802829814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402750138717195,0.0,0.0,0.252917240642426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349599690720077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891621385499036,0.13875826570715108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963445758674663,0.4210706130855021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24166319826471303,0.0,0.0,0.2601754221196564,0.0,0.15324051006589548
suicidewatch,jatinisback,2018/04/07,"None of it means anything. Love doesn't mean anything. It's all a lie.

No one really cares about you. Unless you get very lucky, you're all alone and on your own.

At least that's how I feel.",-1.1262601626016249,0.950767146341466,0.3140243902439046,104.98209349593495,97.04878048780488,3.7089430894308943,11.711382113821138,5.46131890053228,-1.5788081300813013,147,2,37,1,6,46,35,41,0.094,0.67,0.236,0.8119,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,9,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,5,7,5,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934006546518145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662433305757038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888307223304718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323878885494742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480061474022456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556782379070518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6171667763430169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196309836108186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148137475099574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337420467210555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KrysiSenpai,2018/04/07,"I dont wanna do it, I don't even know how, but i just see no other option, I feel like a horrible person, like a parasite Idk why am I even writing here ",-1.4447142857142836,0.3052987428571434,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,90.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,17.32142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.1894285714285715,116,3,28,2,4,44,26,35,0.25,0.573,0.177,-0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432208357574322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871524880289158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864666559119988,0.2634570811743725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026722862817644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603353475123189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32200517487184005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29387055581547444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33276731682840965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liam_inwards,2018/04/07,what should i do... so lately (last 8 months) i have been very depressed/stressed because of a couple of reasons... besides depression i have been developing a tinitus thats making my depression way worse... normally i would just think for a moment or listen to music to release my stress for a while. now i am not able to do that anymore without getting crazy from that stupid hissing. i think i am done with all of this i just want to leave or be relieved... i just dont know how. the only solution i can think of is of ending my life. i just cant think straight......,2.0803733766233776,4.2877197321428575,3.3416233766233776,89.23974025974026,79.35714285714286,5.858441558441559,26.25324675324676,6.980632752743323,1.2064178571428577,438,18,88,5,11,142,73,112,0.142,0.804,0.054000000000000006,-0.8797,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,5,0,16,1,0,3,1,22,25,5,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,14,1,14,19,1,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,66,19,0,0.17274480669860715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131643033077815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530363080414328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113884295327374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29756969776813097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767779129685311,0.20245562691457947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153000625359893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025203172105674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493602809457452,0.14081007340158475,0.19486366619019205,0.1829118079127833,0.0,0.0,0.12201476564208845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530849985672767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788325662523954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925323336934614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313802096734058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761043189309614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957571848589523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427515880115469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253255682603733,0.10188936265445064,0.1371167869484524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651982924465486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760417160275917,0.1227129543880576,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happily-ever-after-,2018/04/07,"Keep thinking about it I dunno, I just posted in r/depression. This is my throwaway. 

The only thing that’s stopping me right now is my daughter, but she’s so young she wouldn’t know any difference.

Seems so appealing right now, more than ever before. 

I’m not a selfish person, but if I was I probably wouldn’t be in this position I’ve been too kind, too too kind.",0.8846246246246245,3.325572567567569,2.7653153153153163,89.88133633633635,86.83783783783785,5.991591591591593,21.735735735735737,7.3871296695380915,0.996917717717718,286,10,58,5,9,95,54,74,0.018000000000000002,0.807,0.174,0.9221,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,12,5,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,4,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,5,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035125116011872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006473879668287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309313720410893,0.0,0.0,0.24635953001470184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132934894283819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958878326535066,0.0,0.4910962716575262,0.12958883867569326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793355919586731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589039293311515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258300432197059,0.0,0.2542309583947557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027417266036845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146623464688851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971383321501923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566542268191572,0.15109033225794471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,geopr08499,2018/04/07,"I'm getting help, I have support, Why do I feel like this? Hi, I'm an 18 yr old latino male who have had suicidal ideations and thoughts of self harm since I was in 7th grade. I've had many lowpoints in my life including a point when I was 17 where I plunged a hair-dryer into a filled bathtub with me inside of it and it didn't electrocute me, I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the outlet I used inside the bathroom. I trusted my mother with my thoughts when I was young and she talked about it behind my back when she was with my father, discrediting it to me making excuses for my grades. I couldn't trust anyone anymore with my thoughts until I had flunked out of my number one school by isolating myself in my room for 2 months, ifinally told my parents the day before I planned to commit it, they helped me find a therapist and a psychatrist. Nevertheless I was hospitalized a month later for self harm, my parents were not sure I was safe and they work during the day, it was a particular bad day. Coming out of the hospital i felt a renewed sense of hope, I was feeling good, and ready to work on myself. Sinve then I have had tge most intense and vivid thoughts of killing myself and self harming. I've given in a few times and have cut up my face and hands, othertimes I talk to the many friends I have that are going through some of the same things. Lately I've been isolating myself from my friends and my parents have become frustrated with my lack of progress, I don't know what to do, I feel like its going to be any day now until I give into these thoughts that I have.I just don't know what to do, therapy is slightly working, but im not sure that it will be enough. My pills are barely working as it is, I feel like I am hopeless.",5.302301143921255,5.194673385474864,5.7591300877893055,84.13613594040969,67.9385474860335,8.718488959829742,31.01409949454642,8.269060116576782,2.0476524075552,1384,50,291,17,21,446,181,358,0.085,0.805,0.109,0.3166,3,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,2,6,8,23,3,0,17,0,37,4,2,2,4,52,63,19,2,3,4,5,6,3,2,1,2,0,1,4,19,22,0,1,13,0,0,4,6,9,0,1,24,7,52,14,43,35,6,36,0,2,1,0,24,13,0,3,22,197,71,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288322822489949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170605946594616,0.06465764423181793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110423924508738,0.07720914899861668,0.0,0.10212659267645162,0.07868573147364459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796552964083759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23854373530633602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955469236164346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870238017073599,0.1981832006383335,0.08878634689614763,0.0,0.08451651937776948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288522431295705,0.0,0.04831210977226818,0.08870629503925688,0.10510642828903488,0.0775600128151814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396228509895885,0.0,0.0,0.09184424249812104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988419430009253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230509840318584,0.0,0.10163892653018533,0.0,0.10431094626993018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531477063870726,0.1355294990645028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172489191125957,0.187501496049906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761841706622142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703241550170506,0.0,0.06266052081634409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080332157899925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741467463414619,0.0,0.0,0.094075917695103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935852572995768,0.0,0.0,0.2894012354293238,0.0,0.0,0.07649269582158746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118844136532886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114790706995937,0.10493462327660116,0.2614575433344096,0.0,0.0,0.14864884758744942,0.0,0.0,0.10574827285303366,0.10736557789846464,0.061433405889846124,0.0,0.0,0.3670569242806136,0.0539203927388402,0.0,0.0,0.08835969027580533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986497116807137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344039899897454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26927900347493045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AncientGuy18,2018/04/07,"I'm a survivor of sex trafficking. I want to die. I reposting this to this sub because I haven't managed to find a person to actually talk to and open up to. But yeah, I feel weak and like I can't manage things anymore.
 I just feel defeated. I'll start with the basics. I'm 18, I've been through a lot in my life and I recently got out of it yet today I seriously feel just as defeated as I was in my lows of lows.

I was grabbed off the street while walking home from school when I was 15, forced into sex trafficking and was abused in every single way imaginable. I've seen things that you don't even dare to imagine are true. I was getting raped, used, drugged, mutilated, beaten half to death, treated like an object and shit that's even worse on a daily basis. I had to survive being sold to the worst people on this planet. I had to not fight back when these disgusting freaks put their hands on me. I had to just lay there and take it. With every monster I had to deal with, I lost a part of my soul. to the point where I literally just feel empty now. I had to feel the pain of being raped 5 times a day. having thoughts about whether I was gonna make it through the week every day. And the thing is, After all of this I believe them. I believe that I am a piece of sh*t worthless loser. I see myself as fat and ugly. I can't look in the mirror. I hate waking up in the morning, I hate going to bed at night.

I've been out of there for a few months. The first few weeks were fine, But then it just went downhill. I literally hate my revolting ugly reflection. I hate my past. I hate that I can't close my eyes without feeling like someone is gonna walk in and rape the shit out of me till I bleed out again. I just don't feel anything. I feel empty. worthless. pathetic. I don't know if any of this makes sense but after everything I just started feeling like I don't even have ownership of my body. It just been used by so many freaks that I don't even want it anymore. And I don't think anyone will even find me decent looking. I'm disgusting and I'd rather just be dead.

After I got out I honestly tried getting my life put together but now I'm just back to thinking about giving up. I honestly don't see the point in trying anymore. I put all my energy on doing the state test, which I failed and I'm redoing in 2 days. I put all my energy on finishing my high school diploma and I managed to pass everything except math. but that only means I have to retake math hence I won't be able to apply to colleges this year. which only makes my parents more disappointed and pissed at me. My parents don't know me anymore. They expect me to be the same kid I was when I was 14. and in addition to that they expect me to be able to pick myself up and move on in life flawlessly. and they're right. I did want to go to college this year. I don't want another year to be alone with my shitty thoughts.

I got out of all of it, but everyone that's still stuck there couldn't. I had to endure living in a place where if I wasn't something customers wanted, I'd be offed without a second thought. I was getting raped to the point of passing out. I had to deal with the worst of humans. including pedophiles and fucking cannibals. And I got out. and I'm aware that others didn't. And I know I should be grateful. but all I feel is bitter, disgusting and suicidal at this point.

I hate myself. Everything about me is disgusting and I should honestly just slit my wrists the way I was dreaming of doing throughout my time in that hellhole. And I'm sorry again for this not having some inspirational or happy ending. It's just honestly where I am right now and What I'm feeling. This took me a bit to write and I don't know what the reaction is gonna be. I just honestly need a friend to call during the shitty nights. I want to feel like it's all gonna be okay but it's not.

thank you for reading this mess.",1.6447010647010636,3.5044780024570064,3.3275665847665863,90.53655708435713,79.17199017199016,6.454355446355447,22.646945126945127,7.454721666304161,0.8200458837018836,3050,96,665,43,75,1013,315,814,0.199,0.715,0.087,-0.9981,2,1,2,0,2,2,81.0,0,2,4,8,41,58,21,0,32,2,68,23,9,6,7,132,145,48,4,15,32,2,14,5,1,8,8,0,2,3,40,43,1,0,28,2,1,13,23,39,0,3,37,21,102,19,111,88,18,106,1,10,6,7,19,51,4,5,44,454,142,13,0.11163958011246372,0.06613732349701715,0.054472062993362866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781246813038285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037959371380400286,0.058531916891112784,0.0,0.0,0.2214329300430243,0.03903049508208191,0.0,0.04593493106192825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584394600646061,0.0,0.03402722591771914,0.0,0.0,0.1257795768144938,0.0,0.0,0.06094075354253185,0.062003203081581776,0.0,0.0,0.05699824667408355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799744019076543,0.11509550501843753,0.0,0.0,0.057932129270067766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473323485477289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049439765798355975,0.0,0.0,0.1843422244158152,0.0,0.1410917418305384,0.0533382015032801,0.15050168406510184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386899565935269,0.1196330075084804,0.0,0.0,0.10203655370126884,0.047480284906277856,0.0,0.0,0.04312623133046863,0.05160449643887261,0.08749060928252587,0.05354742897631977,0.06344734611304642,0.0,0.17857674137133656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942120447963727,0.0,0.33066291764219513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058976672913546975,0.055991800693888816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270838720512245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828150551208365,0.13635364927485266,0.0,0.049289897285614136,0.0,0.09374913014773964,0.0,0.06093389475436978,0.04745598937122601,0.0,0.0,0.11178042993092442,0.05659250585453239,0.0,0.06080411550342996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455482387102334,0.05932760293526475,0.0,0.04138966703670433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476618326298624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490693134767757,0.05939619220765406,0.0,0.12396254206132297,0.060447393032067816,0.053286305749571945,0.03869841405796368,0.04873968760742956,0.058319799972067876,0.0,0.21107097661506652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244572261439158,0.0,0.0,0.05583489568416945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055115308530880106,0.0,0.0,0.09533959142774164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298521522654008,0.08896229132447091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459642468156955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729592697257989,0.042972801493488984,0.0,0.062485684934429214,0.07901906940936723,0.0,0.04457775644426907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105779040298216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196953526370057,0.04486583283113193,0.0,0.05139136305846696,0.0,0.0,0.11125256456277936,0.07153413512739508,0.0,0.1329440345207807,0.06509793694529895,0.0,0.05291063413657175,0.0,0.062017840628910234,0.07579594668186038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642075276451438,0.0,0.0,0.19754375049634054,0.08861430229855237,0.08955053717055447,0.0,0.0,0.05174550461667292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761657136070836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568851348853788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783834401752332
suicidewatch,this-is-a-problem,2018/04/07,"What happens when you go to a hospital? Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Recently I started being open about this kind of stuff. The doctor told me that if I got in a bad spot and couldn't get out, I should head to a hospital and they'll help me out.

What exactly does that entail? What sort of things do they do? I've had quite a few bad times but I've never really thought of going there.

Edit: I'm in Canada.",0.7789534883720961,3.1159224767441884,2.857023255813953,89.8966976744186,85.86046511627906,6.2306976744186064,21.390697674418604,7.554174236665415,0.9862920930232559,327,11,68,6,10,110,63,86,0.065,0.912,0.024,-0.4922,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,7,2,1,1,3,15,16,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,11,8,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,5,46,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38845411592586737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380952924277905,0.20356635960350988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121533769854374,0.0,0.2644053535668043,0.0,0.18604657772828045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057041175792148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387340933021413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591953962324184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422367792101569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794100296781746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474188248094933,0.0,0.0,0.1490216184865594,0.23917096315511924,0.2296830920726929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646488487357506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662929772648633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454165524919014,0.0,0.0,0.1846734161238436,0.1356419463457433,0.0,0.0,0.2222773195582455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jacques1993,2018/04/07,"Killing myself 22:00 gmt+1 approx 2 hours AMA Saw another guy doing an ama before he killed himself yesterday, thought id do it to
",11.040399999999998,7.946273040000005,10.208000000000002,66.40400000000002,58.6,13.2,45.0,11.20814326018867,5.092599999999999,106,5,18,2,1,34,24,25,0.298,0.7020000000000001,0.0,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438422083669537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790272439784478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32468243728665525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229252810005369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7255676249752133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603238987478438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imarobot555,2018/04/07,[17m] It's as if I don't even exist. I'm 17 just finishing highschool. I got into my top choice university but that's about it. All throughout highschool I never had any friends except for one. And now he's leaving me for his gf. I never even had a girlfriend. Forget that I never even had a friend that was a girl. I don't get it everyone at school can have fun and party but I have to cry alone in my room because no one talks to me. Ive tried everything from dating apps to meeting people. Nothing works. Everyone leaves. It's time I leave too. ,-0.06727536231884201,2.223257113043484,2.1756521739130434,93.11942028985509,90.91304347826087,4.8057971014492775,19.84057971014493,6.42735559955562,0.2111275362318845,428,14,92,5,15,144,76,115,0.174,0.7440000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.8581,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,0,4,13,13,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,0,14,3,12,8,1,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,7,63,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146939643618064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125859301667383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092334887606233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185900213125572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280508614888655,0.0,0.0,0.3163978122550449,0.14879392954400555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558212474210652,0.0,0.08649784641423085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241281271466204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259098493346575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830683737747192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885851318202773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22437439107322946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477790027215876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675547445701009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307021002477692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653889825354732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240382611356832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052906608169713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polarbeat,2018/04/07,"Site/community to help you die? I'm curious if there's a community/website/message board/whatever that helps people get to the final stages of being able to kill themselves? I can always get to the precipice, but haven't managed to get all the way. I feel like I need someone to give me that little extra bit of courage to allow me to finally get some peace.

Any help will be appreciated. Thanks",3.399350649350648,5.639740883116888,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,75.23376623376623,7.5168831168831165,27.883116883116887,8.418075326091056,2.156148051948052,316,13,59,6,7,105,57,77,0.058,0.59,0.35200000000000004,0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,14,2,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,10,11,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,33,8,1,0.1999430082140896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636859993455927,0.0,0.0,0.13596810192348113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828598018467327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750927559627552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109719256824894,0.14283932501864766,0.0,0.4380555847230077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178478777941061,0.1918035524832718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020527513645266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120731456767345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976820543019554,0.20039542114347675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482552071220895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386153067231008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694110620202122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408065877319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870545333936825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mytimeissoon,2018/04/07,"Eternal Peace I think the time to go is approaching very very soon. The only time I feel at peace is if I'm asleep or distracted by video games or watching something. Nothing makes me happy anymore, I want to go. I wish I could just go with the flip of a switch, why does it have to be so hard?",2.090645161290322,3.4358029032258086,3.1395483870967773,94.6393225806452,76.41935483870971,6.250322580645161,23.690322580645162,6.742157984588678,0.4915058064516127,228,7,53,2,5,73,46,62,0.11,0.7240000000000001,0.166,0.5769,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,5,1,1,1,0,11,14,4,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,7,12,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,4,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405248924908755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364071348510534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223990408357185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263060930995985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135066839346809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25817801925605377,0.21725951526359785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618908617099574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327143685014276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445522560860544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671167756746726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554036263495352,0.0,0.0,0.28284274217215194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40022580252039175,0.14305065749448276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884587687552587,0.0,0.2788978812453328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CandidNegotiation,2018/04/07,"Some thoughts before I leave. Please hear me. This will be stream-of-consciousness. Thanks in advance for your patience in reading.

Can there really be free will? Do we really have choices?

I’m starting to think that everything we are and everything we will ever be has already been decided since we were born. Poor kids with abusive parents pick being gangmembers not because they chose to be “bad,” but because they were dealt a shit hand in life. You could even argue that the kids who grow up in terrible situations who try really hard in school and end up defying all odds to go to college had that in them all along. It was in their genes, in their biochemistry. Conversely, someone with privilege and financial resources who is beset by neurotic genes, an unattractive physique, conditional love from parents and peers, and a history of failed connections and lonely nights is forever screwed. And telling that person that they just need to try harder, or that they need to “choose to be happy” ends up doing more harm than good, since it puts the blame on them and compounds their neuroticism and self-hatred.

I have been given this analogy by a therapist: you are a cup, and your love is the liquid in the cup. If you seek external love and support without loving yourself first, you can only give a small amount of liquid, since there isn’t much there at all. But if you learn to make self-love a habit, your cup will fill and eventually overflow, allowing the people around you to receive your love without sacrificing the love you need to give yourself. But to that I respond, what if your cup is so empty that you don’t even have enough love to motivate yourself to start trying to love yourself? The way I see it, at a certain point, external intervention is the only solution.

My problems are a Catch-22: in order for me to receive unconditional love from other people (which is a human need, like air/food/water), I need to have already received love in order to have the confidence to show my true and relaxed self to the world and to give people the attention that they enjoy. So, I can’t get what I need without already having what I need.

I have several friends who, when I confided in them about my problems, tried to empathize with me by saying, “I used to be where you are.” But how did their story improve? For one friend, a beautiful girl was interested in him in early adolescence, and they had a long and intensely enjoyable relationship. He then had lots of love in his cup, and he has never wanted for sexual/romantic partners since. She “saved” him. 

Another friend hadn’t ever even kissed a girl until college. But that changed when he discovered alcohol and went out to bars and got shitfaced. He ended up in sexual situations without remembering how he got there. And he also eventually met his longtime girlfriend that way. They hit it off while he was sloshed. My conclusion, then, is that for some of us, there is no way to realistically solve our problems by ourselves. They are just too insurmountable. Some outside intervention is necessary.

Now if you’re thinking, “well, it’s only insurmountable because you’re telling yourself it’s insurmountable,” trust me, I’ve been there. I have spent years trying to resist the entropy within myself. The problem is, it never gets easier if your external world doesn’t meet you halfway. It never get easier. Every day is hard, and there is only so much hope one can have before they are completely overcome with despair. I am rounding the cusp and peering over the cliff into the void.

Death terrifies me. The idea of my consciousness and my story being silenced forever is so confusing and horrifying to me. But I am between two piles of shit, and I want to pick the one that will smother me sooner.

I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go through with it. If nothing changes by the time my parents die, I’ll go find a cliff. Somewhere beautiful and quiet. And I’ll call everyone I can think of to say goodbye. And it will finally be time to end my story and face the unknown. But I really don’t know if I’ll be able to go through with it. When I think about that fear and the possibility that suicide might not be a solution for me either, I feel so claustrophobic and like I’m backed into a corner with no escape. Life is truly hell.

One more counterargument. If you’re thinking to yourself, “you just need to wait. It’ll get better, I promise,” you may be right! It’s hypothetical, who knows. I’m sure that there are plenty of people out there who have had sad endings, but maybe I would be one of the lucky ones! But here’s the thing: how long do I have to wait? This argument worked when I was in high school, but it’s almost a decade later, now. I’m rotting. And if you gave me the choice between 40 more years of suffering in exchange for 20 years of happiness when I’m old and my body doesn’t work anymore and the people who I’m attracted to are even less interested in me than they used to be, I’m not so sure what I would pick. As of now, I’m thinking I would pick the cliff.

Here’s another way to look at it: would you tell a dying plant that they need to try harder or change their mindset? No! You’d give them some fucking water!

Thanks for reading. I want to love you. But I don't have it in me anymore. I'm a shell.",5.091392169728785,6.403143036417326,5.638923884514438,79.76773403324584,68.93110236220473,8.872790901137359,30.25284339457568,9.225670689056813,2.603491951006124,4199,164,788,82,72,1354,397,1016,0.128,0.6859999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.9976,3,2,1,0,0,1,126.0,6,22,20,8,46,65,7,3,45,0,98,25,5,12,12,164,177,77,4,32,34,3,5,2,5,13,3,4,0,8,50,51,3,2,21,5,4,12,22,22,1,8,23,11,102,44,124,123,17,103,1,5,3,15,115,45,5,23,42,553,152,11,0.08471384873019558,0.050186029117112514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045266670583032215,0.04241434130659743,0.0,0.14022575792559835,0.033872817111633424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882985673014965,0.0,0.0,0.08401337465015468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037706642874389185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032569860299852996,0.035366262594943965,0.07746116385061623,0.0,0.07208524579961423,0.0,0.0,0.037461257501980885,0.0,0.04704899428454863,0.0,0.0,0.04325115556481403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442402895159206,0.0,0.04441042932259537,0.0,0.0,0.03381855749122633,0.0,0.0,0.027316712114563758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791960039009056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875783139312721,0.043766025588734575,0.0,0.13988174532739656,0.07662852613583085,0.035687535616762966,0.0404738563969671,0.07613534485820067,0.0,0.0,0.04766331583667143,0.021416933642170198,0.0,0.0,0.04639994025185826,0.038713461509314366,0.03602877822690734,0.05121816107338048,0.0,0.09817456408074217,0.03915829404514674,0.0885189790527238,0.1625304858230799,0.09628966492956044,0.03552697854677908,0.06775340358689573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017946722090953,0.07588696896660736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773933216696062,0.0,0.0,0.04475241614824615,0.0,0.042069983158089935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781581190564186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983477370536398,0.0,0.0,0.044849867045569064,0.0,0.0,0.05983589664428093,0.041386907427791095,0.0,0.0,0.07496909033686729,0.03556914860268444,0.0,0.0,0.036010342397256895,0.458745335570871,0.0,0.02827357592061078,0.0,0.04255322368232599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044934003142115236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227442611705643,0.28266410442672163,0.09800481387576654,0.0,0.0,0.039749104179897035,0.0,0.04064261130087871,0.0,0.04444646691956799,0.0,0.17221288893365333,0.12885739862307558,0.0,0.0,0.14109705571018658,0.0,0.0,0.14682479060304227,0.03698443257286859,0.0,0.04649518340721298,0.04004098449288945,0.04775106797681502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211942475924895,0.0,0.042580408047934205,0.0,0.0,0.08473677350076153,0.0,0.10853972143726764,0.0,0.0,0.04547548513168411,0.04798213831672351,0.03617258197349072,0.0,0.0673678526751689,0.0,0.08573493757149245,0.033752984749498546,0.0,0.13256252944425073,0.04785126811337618,0.08695754835082832,0.1401523421567516,0.09522191534386414,0.0,0.0,0.035888884561132456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996089815101896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046331600448403634,0.048066135817249916,0.07984179988099026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110654565563278,0.07799313024624123,0.0,0.049179653847538765,0.0281400584384242,0.16284364101305776,0.0,0.033626666631523736,0.04939732644530244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254542757418265,0.0,0.041376560402872284,0.0,0.050950164740671225,0.07316556597504385,0.0,0.0,0.07494963426181048,0.13448382003388248,0.0,0.0,0.038083961866341685,0.03926529324231196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332225431033384,0.0,0.06167269081265125,0.0,0.0,0.12035657515774245,0.0,0.0,0.08182941169442254
suicidewatch,friend-in-need-2018,2018/04/07,"Need some advice in a difficult situation I've got a close friend who is apparently contemplating suicide.  They're not threatening to do it *right now* - she's saying she's going to do it later this week because she's ""not in her right mind.""  The thing is, she's in a rough spot and we're afraid she might change her mind at any time.  

Some background:  She's my partner's closest friend, but about a year ago her boyfriend - which is underselling it, they'd been together almost 20 years - began to become really abusive.  He got so bad that one time he came over to our house while she was here and threatened to kill my partner, then punched the glass out of our door.  The next time she came over he showed up in the morning and I had to run him off with an expandable baton, then as he was leaving my upstairs neighbor came out to see what was going and he pulled a knife, then threatened to kill her and her grand-daughter.  But she stuck with him.

Well, his health was deteriorating - in fact during that last confrontation he actually left his colostomy bag on our porch.

Well, he died a couple of days ago.  She's devastated.  Because he was doing his best to isolate her from everyone, she's pretty much alone, and she wants to stay that way.  She doesn't answer the phone - and only a small number of people even have her number.  She's gone dark on social media as well.  She's corresponding with my partner through text messages though - and a few people have been able to get in touch with her.  She's been presenting as coping pretty well to them, but we are seeing a different side of her.  She's been very adamant that she doesn't want to leave the apartment they lived in, and she's been pretty clear that she doesn't want anyone to come over there either.  Some of the people who have gone have had to end up leaving the things they brought for her outside the door.

She says that she's only telling us how she really feels because she trusts us not to call police, that kind of thing.

We're thinking of just going over there regardless.

...but at the same time, we're pretty much the only people she trusts.  If we do something to betray that trust, and the outcome is *NOT* something that resolves her suicidal tendencies, then we may have just cut her only lifeline.  In this state (NC) with the kind of money that we - myself, partner, and the subject of this post - have (which is basically none) we don't trust the police et al to solve this issue.

If the only thing on the line were our relationship with her I wouldn't hesitate for an instant.  If I thought that she had someone else that she would contact if we burned this bridge I wouldn't be posting.  When it comes to these things, I've lost too many friends to not take action... but we're trapped.  If we go, we risk alienating her and it's likely she won't have anyone to talk to in the future about this kind of thing.  If we call for assistance (or really, tell *anyone* about this) the same issue exists.  If we respect her wishes, we have to continue texting with her and hoping that the texts keep coming and when they don't, we have good reason to think that maybe it's because there will never be any more of them.

Any help is greatly appreciated.  Thank you in advance, and thank you for helping all of the people like myself who come here.",4.7627622979016175,5.876013040247681,4.859131062951498,85.79383247334023,69.52631578947367,7.5378878568971475,26.120261437908496,7.715138304826218,1.2825244306845551,2608,76,521,29,45,813,282,646,0.121,0.736,0.14400000000000002,0.8716,3,2,2,0,0,1,84.0,18,2,6,4,22,33,4,2,32,0,49,1,0,2,4,98,85,41,5,17,21,0,3,2,8,7,1,2,4,4,40,44,0,1,7,1,1,18,15,9,4,1,26,7,85,24,79,49,13,82,0,1,2,0,108,32,0,15,29,356,125,0,0.061821243655145325,0.07324806464677472,0.060328615985812926,0.0,0.0,0.060411003807621766,0.1096016048397784,0.0,0.06190504546048384,0.06402816411515162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261216968788233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968055293756628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161815617697376,0.1507426253125536,0.0682767065686699,0.0,0.0,0.06487758114843878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625280360262486,0.21212110012277635,0.0,0.0,0.06539867858276603,0.2130141095275821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840403024557133,0.0,0.03986958781368562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641606905984125,0.06459004163864694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164371634515205,0.0,0.05475527236119115,0.0,0.0,0.04083234838418846,0.0,0.0,0.05907284760368575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031258678312575484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328881848121952,0.0,0.03229904823207829,0.0,0.14053774976135278,0.05185272608889717,0.09888819205821033,0.0681581393779601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571309111373662,0.0,0.0,0.08287495297231222,0.0,0.0,0.061402444071865125,0.0,0.07133341489898055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905063342525205,0.0,0.05494956187525802,0.136792093050292,0.19313193587265096,0.0,0.05039256475041955,0.0,0.19637931224366856,0.06716896211783305,0.0,0.0,0.06040547387653816,0.0,0.05458929076518168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748519030028703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267703783844115,0.06210774859150711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558256998798404,0.12484366567229464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908914546599895,0.045839668836156235,0.04768035426562888,0.0,0.06574759397396503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189167464708767,0.23508920785834514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429533164985293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841532490298046,0.2515777197422528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881281512670505,0.0635625347910805,0.0,0.06637287973104918,0.0,0.10559000859191513,0.0,0.09832546855520337,0.0,0.0,0.09852705433950534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948966807695475,0.0,0.06301897257362904,0.05238093913148622,0.09518602735685433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589322015818043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352448131297169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648188147996767,0.049689573902916666,0.10806898367242278,0.11383339042325273,0.0,0.0,0.2464277237218852,0.07922511340361196,0.06073905800758191,0.04907916196225865,0.1441938573143492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872668853635065,0.0,0.0,0.05100900045989255,0.10939131372299099,0.04907082567142248,0.04958927266022501,0.0,0.22233888991547293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710913792320094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391603775448268,0.0,0.0,0.07962170804964544
suicidewatch,hydrochloricspastic,2018/04/07,"I fucking hate you You're a fucking piece of shit, I don't want to fix microwaves, I just want to study and play and enjoy my break after what I had to do is that too much to fucking ask of you you bitch? Fuck off, you and the others are the reason I'm going to kill myself",2.564180327868854,2.69393849180328,4.0919262295082,92.88739754098364,73.91803278688525,6.1000000000000005,21.807377049180328,3.1291,-0.20864262295082006,212,4,51,0,4,71,41,61,0.31,0.612,0.078,-0.9493,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,4,0,0,2,10,8,0,3,0,5,5,1,1,0,7,15,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,0,10,2,9,14,2,4,0,0,0,4,5,1,6,0,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345652484535007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8047890412768894,0.0,0.0,0.12368527060031985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486652556066727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077754302512944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998454769579615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237619238682013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339610188446613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25672996305743395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iwanttodie1998,2018/04/07,"My last weekend alive Im 20 years old, i have been depressed for as long as i can remember. My heart is broken, i have no will to continue living. I have thought about killing myself for so long, so now im finally doing it. Im never going to be happy. Im addicted to xanax and painkillers, it has been my only way to cope with everything. 20 years without one good day. I have no choice any longer, the xanax and painkillers are killing me anyway. So why not just do it now, everything is prepared. Im ready",1.1862150349650342,3.4018985480769253,2.733811188811192,92.30209790209793,82.75,6.08951048951049,23.87762237762238,7.348242739294969,1.020223076923077,395,15,85,6,11,129,65,104,0.19,0.7170000000000001,0.092,-0.9063,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,1,0,15,4,1,0,1,9,17,7,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,0,10,2,11,12,0,15,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298943979015075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919684075773847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459070952821372,0.0,0.11297240331536572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235765666626358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368507642904868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454421163924499,0.11001515519371144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962780522598134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543140557934798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7084046751970489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902297426060085,0.0,0.0,0.10691715267046764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582128363222245,0.2321541669320927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116269615663456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763582370310373,0.0,0.08888094098895692,0.09975705285990914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858461398539174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413052557349203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411283858961948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835620072899955,0.0,0.0,0.1264385819559596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893218984962394
suicidewatch,InvalidBits,2018/04/07,Holy fuck trying to fall asleep is the worst Throughout the day I maybe have one or so ideation. But holy fuck when I try to sleep it's constant new ideation and repeating on different ways to where I actually might turn permanent mute on....,5.9981884057971016,6.939400413043479,5.268260869565221,84.60210144927538,66.6086956521739,9.611594202898553,32.72463768115942,9.725611199111238,2.854602898550725,193,8,39,4,3,58,37,46,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.9022,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,5,1,10,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,5,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.25004425210038306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768944151353868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524763751861882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677065997745754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737624025235466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574182300130012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27182033593018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247469256836446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362858877496698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256415798660352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347927722190649,0.27870547952815805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033840442791616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,What_If_Circles,2018/04/07,"My perception of my life and myself doesn't seem OK. Ever since I was about 14 I struggled with low self-esteem, lack of self-worth and suicidal thoughts. I'm turning 23 in two weeks.
Throughout the years I tried to rationalize that it's just puberty, a phase and it will get better. It didn't.

I feel bad about wasting all this time, not doing all the fun stuff you are supposed to do as a young person living in the best point of civilized world's history, not acquiring any useful skills, barely making any friends. I have trouble believing that people genuinely like me, it feels like they just pity me.

I don't know how to carry on with my life. I've been getting some crappy, unsatisfying jobs just to live on my own, I don't think I could enjoy any job ever. My interactions with people, even friends, feel shallow and dishonest, like I'm only taking their time and energy without giving anything in return. The future scares me, I'm afraid everything will only get worse with time.

There is a certain emptiness stemming from never having been in a relationship, let alone having sex. After lurking FA and Incels subreddits for a while however, I realised it's best not to think about it too much. I seem to have bigger problems.

While I know that suicide might not be the way to go, I have no idea how to improve my situation and, well, stop feeling miserable. I don't talk about it to anyone, it's not my intention to put this burden on other people. At least I can leave it here for you to decide if it's worth reading and replying.",5.703738778384086,6.3694282842809375,6.333321598310157,77.68484773807428,67.16053511705685,9.104101390600249,30.11811300827319,9.134995656068208,2.5197785953177263,1223,43,225,21,19,400,175,299,0.201,0.669,0.13,-0.9672,3,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,2,2,5,16,23,0,4,10,1,24,3,0,5,6,53,47,14,2,4,10,0,4,3,2,3,2,0,0,1,17,12,0,1,14,1,1,2,13,10,1,1,5,4,29,13,36,36,9,30,0,3,0,1,11,12,0,5,18,156,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072880783205356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113344132172608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243259021240392,0.0,0.08524580667107949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649338707755144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671054294000326,0.2174227889771229,0.0916170046759162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270824703742494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842026867388391,0.1874063100237292,0.0,0.0,0.09310008140420037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951302123637874,0.07400477148714824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006687257211946,0.0,0.16236461864671564,0.09937304079317584,0.05887262781840321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694058755796635,0.0,0.0,0.2055943338118145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386079407091558,0.0,0.0,0.10968693399069272,0.0,0.10592787186014817,0.14633746938038172,0.15182663680469669,0.0,0.18294387115470495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914718058213867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098927011662948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761506255957193,0.0,0.07989505327064557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756984254402634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544894791385005,0.09045085931206223,0.0,0.0,0.0979261057458992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099121713248945,0.0,0.1041366388467799,0.0,0.0,0.10361810963808156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121697486339728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371173820383332,0.0,0.0,0.188609030498687,0.2161340842923384,0.0,0.0,0.0856907819100623,0.1164395864560498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660594257122167,0.0,0.10829483997564253,0.11858585410380346,0.22662146110282716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788684572838643,0.08326177972278627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275267672072166,0.0,0.08223894976971552,0.1812126203055673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033086224274926,0.11267625680171267,0.10119245270137628,0.0,0.0,0.08946856628741298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822249811570512,0.08309371106534054,0.0,0.09313991961432527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985713731072568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556713809714208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670861305567008
suicidewatch,pleasehelp17091997,2018/04/07,"maybe someone to talk to Hi,

I’ve written a note and I’ve started laying out the pills, I’m smoking cigarettes to keep busy and try and delay the inevitable. I’m 20, female, work full time in a good job. I lost a parent figure when I was young, and was gang raped in an alleyway when I was 13. I had to have an abortion. No one knew until I came out about it when I was 16. Then it made sense to my family the reason the way I was acting. I’ve built this personality of strength and being a Phoenix from the ashes of how far I’ve come. But when alone I cry and I don’t feel any emotion behind it. I don’t feel sad towards my past, I just cry. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried before and failed, and feel embarrassed about my mental health. I don’t feel good enough. I love going to work and working hard as it takes my mind off of everything and I feel as though I have a purpose. I work myself so hard that I come home with a headache and fall asleep straight away. I go all day without eating/drinking as I forget. I feel like I’m in a loop. ",1.66141458639256,2.8081317665198284,3.363575624082234,93.40917156142929,77.14977973568281,6.1017131669114075,21.86221243269701,6.42735559955562,0.17908438570729324,809,21,192,6,18,270,126,227,0.14400000000000002,0.768,0.08900000000000001,-0.8759999999999999,2,1,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,7,10,10,1,1,14,0,14,5,1,3,1,37,37,24,0,0,3,1,8,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,17,0,2,10,0,0,7,6,5,0,1,11,8,26,5,28,25,3,31,0,3,0,2,5,11,0,0,13,115,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834547204059402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427098160199974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642848344608993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544820958682573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417333715626837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134950831126104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722442600076992,0.07991922209121234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139605415311495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939519363728126,0.0,0.12804420621363707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137280191691826,0.0,0.11682231694282735,0.0,0.3759511032842375,0.08852966218108058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085507590225696,0.20787922622620614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201894214925674,0.0,0.0,0.13172293497391208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243035338718452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229731310086208,0.11014726963934464,0.0,0.0,0.06810410620968038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054186595587116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527513594271576,0.0,0.1118441408170352,0.11725767564981485,0.0,0.0,0.12449596861811628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488389155484478,0.0,0.12512555547564924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397252726912298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376003437557019,0.0,0.11829725119682305,0.0,0.10820361792855374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741211066408514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049984245475082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771239225318414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317366977994704,0.0996035401951602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175240660132207,0.0,0.07225971936771804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682693521007895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836324953646534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194560628299966,0.0,0.3608657918528317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mike235457,2018/04/07,"My friend confessed she used to have suicidal thoughts So, as the title says, my best friend today confessed to me that about a year ago she used to have suicidal thoughts. It was during an argument and I didn't really get a chance to react to it at the time. But now that we've talked things out, I keep coming back to it and thinking if I shouldn't do something.
She did tell me before that she is often under a lot of stress and she feels sometimes pretty down but this is the first time she mentioned suicide. And that makes me feel like it might have been a hint and I should ask her about it.
However, she did say it was a year ago, at a time when we didn't know each other that well yet plus I know why she mentioned it now. So maybe it wasn't a hint. I know she doesn't really like to talk about serious things, so maybe I should just leave it be. Don't open any old wounds.
Anyone here who has some experience with this or an idea what I should do?",2.8756166666666694,4.0001919950000016,3.5340000000000025,93.47366666666667,74.05,6.933333333333335,21.333333333333336,7.3011,0.33738333333333337,749,16,173,8,15,236,107,200,0.098,0.812,0.09,-0.1464,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,2,15,8,0,1,12,0,24,1,0,4,0,41,39,15,3,5,5,0,2,2,2,5,1,2,0,0,21,12,0,1,11,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,10,4,24,6,19,23,4,22,2,0,0,0,24,6,0,6,17,126,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191945425011738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407780672931643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864502836249606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558446479720764,0.0,0.0,0.09506968159303797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052064900283919,0.0,0.12975003184673778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065028435314645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094129557904135,0.0,0.0,0.1250297694442081,0.08832672510955936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516607816809456,0.0,0.0,0.19104420389001156,0.0,0.06459554228976254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957179954506846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989477839758498,0.0,0.0,0.20384397228503864,0.0,0.0,0.13091436500670472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208061709524249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511226496660596,0.0,0.0,0.08252905709519376,0.0,0.24842117153657636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115995377606038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973686159771142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578388624647607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841082310820728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966431616368924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951822637519332,0.12228074637320654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162645141355548,0.0,0.0,0.4057183968651044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875043681431745,0.10806471068225752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642786534004596,0.0792219808847438,0.0,0.19630888559314,0.216282233948826,0.0,0.11719398686241728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213566376913604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116504937698016,0.0,0.11156370209497213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923711969927162
suicidewatch,Funnyfigure,2018/04/07,"I will never accept myself. I will live in agony my whole life, Is it really worth it? Suicide will be a great release for me. I think about it every day actually. But I don't have anything to kill myself with. Don't know what to do...",-0.04462585034013955,2.1757164081632645,2.5256122448979603,91.50093537414969,89.0,4.899319727891157,16.329931972789115,6.42735559955562,-0.26361496598639444,180,4,39,2,6,62,37,49,0.255,0.634,0.111,-0.8464,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,1,6,11,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2992485730884667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25234885223410736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977654727845316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583679296455714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338085427950408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339265520898996,0.0,0.16852817645989526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659770655622987,0.0,0.0,0.2707797468987785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365092874283309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644942293859025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354280276892278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649051906294426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423665287255517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackPhanter85,2018/04/07,"Afraid my sister might commit suicide 

I have been really anxious these last couple of days. I’m afraid that one of my three sisters might commit suicide. It all started while visiting my oldest sister, when she told me she had beed suicidal some months ago. I know she have been suicidal before, so it makes me really anxious. She currently seems happy and I regularly try to keep contact with her, but I’m still really afraid...",4.6626039783001785,7.106511607594937,5.391175406871611,76.51164556962027,72.16455696202532,8.564918625678121,26.475587703435806,9.23628265651192,2.623616998191681,343,12,56,8,7,111,54,79,0.168,0.7659999999999999,0.065,-0.8291,1,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,13,15,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,13,1,4,9,2,11,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,4,10,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460750580781206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430987428231811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292147428117691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802118750028894,0.0,0.09793188304187993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164912160033926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497290445834814,0.0,0.0,0.08345380735045406,0.12377952790433536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013622912823667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221816389807034,0.0,0.0,0.12120670061942025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289874580942726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918405569989605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382402241634636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748152340195057,0.0,0.12126908626699626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6644051241931295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451009533760254,0.0,0.10309744062986444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rualtan,2018/04/07,"Yesterday could have been my last day... And it should've been my last day.
Last night I attempted to OD myself for the 3rd time but I forced myself to vomit a couple of minutes later, I still don't know why I did that (the vomitting part).
I've been in a dark place for quite a while now and at first I thought I could fight this alone. Recently I opened myself to a very good friend of mine and I have to say that the support I received was amazing, it really helped me but only for a while.. I honestly tried a lot of things to get out of this dark place but I keep falling here everytime and I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know if I should've included my friend in this because it only made her feel worse. God I'm such a bad friend.
Probably next time I will attempt to do end it, I will go until it is finished.
I guess I need to talk to someone at the moment.
I will give any details you guys need to help me get better..
",1.2228555555555545,2.8801999300000034,2.9033333333333324,94.03722222222223,79.7,6.2444444444444445,21.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.3873777777777776,726,20,169,9,18,240,109,200,0.1,0.722,0.17800000000000002,0.9602,0,1,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,1,0,5,4,10,1,0,11,0,18,2,0,1,0,23,34,11,1,5,4,0,1,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,12,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,7,2,30,8,23,22,2,32,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,3,21,111,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351894471228407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766785734216259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785084299296562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764015860814724,0.07858649600937309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401644967004068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585917906828893,0.14264400765935056,0.0,0.16628136585091713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418203667298175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651842169625506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096565799790362,0.0,0.0,0.298802442598149,0.0,0.13470743366629626,0.12366875935567932,0.07326639885624353,0.10812931096061736,0.0,0.0,0.1420164098144432,0.12764791861175698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282045201300386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458719167383755,0.0,0.0,0.21254793598360325,0.3152532401860292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960046899975702,0.0,0.1219842107653532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911803748724324,0.0,0.0,0.13710449902932922,0.12097970111966437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609409940314174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396043516088667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269381273622176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389941346342047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711890518476447,0.0,0.0,0.08258741505005586,0.0,0.12728980565124207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251982843222693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923080198420684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295313780163654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629327792722982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361845544702247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564660586972925,0.0,0.0,0.10234555375941737,0.15034486720547427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752605745534643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106369876543463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632737698919116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137725174753606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,martinezz_55,2018/04/07,"Was drunk last night and wrote notes to my friends and family, woke up to find this one and cried. Dear Me,
I know how hurt you are, I know how sad you are. But one day, one damn day, you’re gonna look back and think, wow, times sucked back then, but I got through them. I’m happy with my family of four and I’m happy with my beautiful wife. The Godfather of my children is my best friend and they always ask to see him and we always do. We wake up every Sunday morning to eat pancakes and head to Church. I work at a job that helps take care of my children and wife, plus I make enough to hand over some money to my mom and dad. I’m happy with my life and don’t wish any bad upon myself or wish to die anymore.

At least, I wish that’s how my life could’ve been.
",2.113534136546185,2.8169389277108468,3.2399397590361474,96.47247991967873,75.3855421686747,6.497188755020081,19.255020080321287,6.42735559955562,-0.2883317269076309,586,9,147,4,12,189,102,166,0.104,0.612,0.284,0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,2,2,5,14,2,0,2,0,7,7,3,4,0,33,27,19,1,3,3,4,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,3,17,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,5,0,4,5,3,24,9,22,21,4,15,1,2,2,0,18,6,2,2,9,86,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068314671752226,0.0,0.0,0.08451859912545315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325810706881313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619043627976748,0.0,0.0,0.19113620157612254,0.10377344320957682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043026875658806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671764609487118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923209006957116,0.0,0.1365221042782439,0.16030810525612646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898902780010035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271753911275829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284204447317182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471613845748437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343311632758567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359496041171492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192045786063436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940269996730486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39691360354501337,0.0,0.0,0.12755307696730644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833061451893263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305050870984006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333446893981374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660843963390287,0.10130950703437493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557345805595814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436876140430414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296172990438122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556201509761355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663379454276301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526578034890875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990396832759068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344744650502353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963731577678385,0.0,0.0,0.07247204361522447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428767574347089,0.0,0.0,0.09048153533960657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lostchicka,2018/04/07,I’m really fed up with my stupid life I’ve done something stupid and selfish. I stole meds from my cousin and I just want to die now.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I behave like a normal human being and not do stupid stuff that gets me in trouble. I hate myself.,0.4085792349726773,2.2058187377049236,2.1094262295081982,98.04698087431696,82.93442622950819,4.722404371584699,15.084699453551913,5.46131890053228,-1.0075923497267762,217,3,52,1,6,71,46,61,0.379,0.5670000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9747,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,10,11,3,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,10,1,6,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30906028214007153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047438197606763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555836270831674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29400718826032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636582723973988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103387528711966,0.14548575323119667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307789249148618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29177217887509205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077268767128971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292542380414297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34089971305330796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564498328377395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687102671094478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32558796255707634,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coolmemz,2018/04/07,"if I fucking die will people care about me Like my parnets will deny my depression, my friends will probably dont care anyways since they don't console me when I cry, I bet nobody will miss me, even if I kill myself everything will still be the same, the sun still rises, there's still stars, my school will still run as normal but better since I'm not in it anymore",9.425090090090087,6.1218284459459475,8.70027027027027,76.61995495495499,61.83783783783784,11.488288288288288,36.828828828828826,8.841846274778883,3.003996396396397,291,9,59,3,3,92,52,74,0.161,0.69,0.149,0.0009,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,9,9,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,14,5,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,13,5,3,7,1,8,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,3,6,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797729813441876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871885691257634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659453291024132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971297128675042,0.0,0.0,0.15456967762283802,0.0,0.18625240321134154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032720212997155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185324369857392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128816425742545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865128604720864,0.16590899729309913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854724001019966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767568250663058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583388305154654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441580707594227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348953796173612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162432598663855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29690433562679563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5732718180482835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,autisticnoodle,2018/04/07,"Never thought I’d be here I’ve had a plan since I was in middle school to kill myself after my senior year. One last summer with my friends. But now, I’m registered in my dream college for the job I want to do for the rest of my life. I never thought id be here. It doesn’t seem real. Things get better. ",-0.12413646055437155,1.7313456268656715,2.0562899786780378,97.36776119402988,85.26865671641791,4.425586353944564,17.03411513859275,5.288315135182226,-0.7510750533049042,235,5,56,1,7,79,50,67,0.07,0.7909999999999999,0.139,0.3818,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,12,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,8,2,9,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,8,36,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252205273219847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674483778965104,0.0,0.13304606191612744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527045303396673,0.0,0.2817366188445539,0.0,0.0,0.2075767756908104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986945839039334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39280930634404426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255995591013307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289851692129721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25772316704461834,0.0,0.23182718894197346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106521944991149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691806208063954,0.0,0.0,0.4043332282922907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502013660392318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639886510420452
suicidewatch,throwoffabuilding,2018/04/07,"All Alone ...and that's ok.  Not everyone has to be alone, some people like to be alone.  I might want to be alone, but I never like feeling lonely...",-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,1.495000000000001,97.7025,92.33333333333334,4.333333333333334,14.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.8363333333333327,110,2,25,1,4,36,21,30,0.227,0.54,0.233,0.2948,0,6,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,9,7,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8865787294998334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449098806824725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820737907761244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910410685827988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270255300179752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165053880940965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836414997795705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262257181131857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stupendously-stupid,2018/04/07,"Wish I'd just do it For every day that passes, my wish to die gets more intense. If I had a magic insta kill pill on me now, I'm not sure I'd say no.

I don't have the guts to do it. I'm too afraid of regret if I do anything drastic. That's why I constantly wish I'll die suddenly and unexpected, out of my control. I'd be so contempt with that. Every time I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up. Passing away while dreaming is a dream.

Life would be so great if I could make all my problems go away, but, as everyone knows, life is not that simple. So I want to die. I don't want to face my problems. 

My life is going nowhere. I'm a bad person. Every waking moment when I'm not distracting myself with Reddit or video games, I am wishing I was dead. I hate myself so much. I wish I never existed. I don't want to live my life anymore because it's fucking terrible.

I'm sorry, family. I don't know how much longer I'll keep putting this off, but eventually I hope I'll do it. When I absolutely have had enough and I can't distract myself any longer. I want to do it so bad.",-0.26491525423728746,1.594599491525429,2.691600000000001,92.57882372881357,85.86440677966101,5.640406779661018,20.033220338983053,6.918507183188421,0.2911646101694916,824,25,194,11,25,292,122,236,0.177,0.65,0.173,-0.7851,0,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,0,1,11,17,4,3,4,0,24,11,5,3,3,40,50,18,5,19,10,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,10,5,0,2,2,4,0,6,11,13,0,0,3,1,31,4,19,43,5,22,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,6,10,118,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602015475794551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628081141969393,0.0,0.0,0.07989150365830114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242641415159092,0.0,0.16212144667215342,0.05918124140041282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049128464542266,0.1088874756736728,0.07751332855887952,0.0,0.0,0.06261086924934135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022722453598371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031327687634302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539127735739685,0.0927675087784844,0.0,0.0,0.09152174683538043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975219339009746,0.050722156827582236,0.0,0.16552448540521975,0.0,0.0,0.10703497545081224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584992322749272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285177541032386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629233514923393,0.10740858285692713,0.0,0.10670917903507514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742919781487769,0.0,0.0,0.08572656839306088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648040348982152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273518477774735,0.0,0.07487683195116528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476962609443732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579172456424792,0.0,0.09759579958568472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720474919829587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715367968017002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867710500752076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150011304463664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661020869500887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290496128705183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760281891500851,0.0,0.5582065546615458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896538059646604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omaewamoushindeiruu,2018/04/07,"I’m starting to lose my mind. I’ve been suicidal for a while now, I had an intervention type thing with my family and it was kinda eye opening. But recently I’ve been spiraling down this dark path where I’ve been getting really upset, thinking about regrets, I had a ex gf who I blew off for a couple months and I finally decided to try to get back with her and it didn’t work out she didn’t want me and I just can’t take it anymore. I constantly think about her. Get jealous of her new bf and am just overall really depressed, certain things trigger my depression and then which trigger my anxiety which doesn’t help. I sometimes really feel like I have a demon like sitting on my shoulders,  just waiting for things to get good in my life and then he just directs things down the wrong path. I’m losing hope, I’m losing motivation, I’m losing the will to live anymore. Idk ",3.454862012987011,5.06439216477273,4.800357142857145,83.03750000000002,73.375,8.21038961038961,28.48051948051948,8.841846274778883,2.284158766233765,695,28,137,14,14,231,105,176,0.195,0.698,0.107,-0.9497,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,6,9,15,1,1,7,0,13,3,2,3,1,30,29,11,1,3,5,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,11,11,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,8,2,19,5,19,20,0,20,1,7,1,0,10,8,0,2,13,87,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575373397550427,0.0,0.24826748778259036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624702528312903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352629274787342,0.0,0.0,0.13849681628918167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156152832582284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799793660466835,0.0,0.06328906954981182,0.08942056397313418,0.0,0.13711622283428818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615819759890935,0.0,0.0,0.1049855900806692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389795963465188,0.0,0.0,0.12432078907921415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841037394911386,0.12230223553065438,0.0,0.11052627962592268,0.0,0.0,0.5601271568411573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263847332343641,0.0,0.09990848415279067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088873704555468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405588759950169,0.0,0.12358901798991966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379507210513015,0.0,0.0885950696013009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691427223547115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411130567885488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326261630915213,0.1604061330474021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498134971683018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382775852015046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112432441029901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368523542622136,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Practically_Satan,2018/04/07,"I will kill myself tonight I just can‘t do this anymore. I have zero friends, I dropped out of school this year (I’m 16) because of my social anxiety and panic attacks. People don‘t even know I exist. I have no future. The last time I left my house was 9 months ago. My family abuses me, fuck, I even got raped when I was little. Everything just hurts so much. I never had friends/a girlfriend or anyone I could talk to. I lay in bed all day, if I‘m lucky I maybe even manage to force myself out of bed and sit in front of my PC. My life is pointless and no one cares. I will do it tonight.",0.6090619136960598,2.679342439024392,2.2024390243902445,96.12422138836772,83.95934959349594,4.760225140712946,19.21763602251407,5.873414542411696,-0.26742101313320843,452,12,102,3,13,147,84,123,0.236,0.6970000000000001,0.067,-0.9707,0,1,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,4,1,1,0,13,3,0,0,2,14,19,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,4,0,22,3,10,12,2,20,0,1,0,2,4,6,1,3,11,68,25,3,0.0,0.2106599507899723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760599814746332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601394676612094,0.0,0.17632649644586354,0.12431954815453725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226935123256864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838318453678088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127552909198386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195615357941044,0.0,0.0,0.11466412726875118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522990215263346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597921601226788,0.0,0.1676108533998813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736524687521146,0.1643701333157895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220021903069613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515345688333614,0.1903349857388967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670564491631712,0.0,0.09771238630224358,0.14492799586850666,0.0,0.0,0.1931765750070131,0.0,0.1255830284275271,0.0,0.1781989471340254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862062738525827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419155857516516,0.0,0.13070099161142465,0.0,0.1371277334313583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047960805819867,0.0,0.0,0.2086060544679237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326180695032622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993969683918967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124128910728649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290620842531745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367465349609957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449521008122912
suicidewatch,Justdewith,2018/04/07,"Why do so many of us want to die? I might be asking on the wrong subreddit but I also have suicidal thoughts. My reasons are probably way less severe than any of yours. I feel worthless, That I have nothing to contribute. No special skills or talents, no interest. No one needs me since they have others. I can't study since I hate myself so much and I can't find work unless I get a degree in something. The competition for low-end jobs is tough since even those need certain degrees. I still live with my mom when most others live on their own. She is a bit tricky to live with. I don't think she is noticing how bad I feel. She wants me to do more when I already feel like I'm at my limit. I wrote a will yesterday but I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna do it or not. Sorry if it's not convincing. I get that. It's just another thing that I'm apparently worthless at. 

So what are your reasons? 
Hope I'm not breaking any rules. I'm only asking for the reasons not the methods. ",0.6028632025450698,2.8215305121951246,2.6216967126193005,92.14143160127254,85.34146341463416,5.711558854718982,22.08377518557794,7.079830092131019,0.6979437963944849,765,27,167,11,23,256,122,205,0.163,0.69,0.147,-0.6612,3,0,2,0,0,1,22.0,1,2,2,3,11,13,1,0,7,0,18,0,0,4,1,36,40,15,2,7,12,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,10,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,2,3,29,7,17,34,6,12,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,7,6,113,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559758999283994,0.09826452217950006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671208575857374,0.12884702500672346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297464174188844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259698458836894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341496266085109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752670517589887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088323615301678,0.0,0.0,0.08115895894298293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639058664315766,0.08778320119346232,0.0,0.0,0.1123071572284647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839609932304252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131538791476285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220443749778795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193625091033865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060031391387909576,0.0,0.32550736241662226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245777757560376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035285296231408,0.0,0.14391180785493649,0.0,0.0,0.0903285768382912,0.18222316120687065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790359114348282,0.13989603643525628,0.0,0.0,0.08326449095571313,0.09345333356286714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248195908789578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790134064455736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881579383691578,0.0,0.3049348439705304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459655385865616,0.0,0.13755050298943966,0.0,0.0,0.09812956083436354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440726128179864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163387731944152,0.07873448357022171,0.0,0.09755044341739068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780564535594484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495182521514505,0.09753387408663987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108771880169088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945576440035549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434647707666222,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway32618,2018/04/07,"I never thought I'd get this far. Every day is a struggle and I never thought I'd make it as far as I have. My ex committed suicide right after high school and I always thought that if one of us did it the other would follow suit shortly after. I didn't but after 8 years I still feel like I should have.

I feel like I've lost control of everything. I'm going through a divorce that I initiated. I insisted it was the best decision for myself, but I feel so alone. I started talking to a friend of mine that shared mutual interest, but they seem to have lost interest and I'm not sure how to process it. I work all the time, but I can't afford to make a life for myself. I got drunk last night and was kinda hoping I'd just fall asleep and not wake up, but it didn't happen. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Everything around me seems to be falling apart and I feel powerless to do anything about it. I keep telling myself I have a gun and I could just end it, but I'm scared. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to be alive anymore.",1.999680432645036,3.2547107477876125,3.7694985250737454,90.39996066863328,76.47787610619469,6.792133726647003,24.059980334316613,7.3871296695380915,0.8813685349065881,823,26,186,10,18,277,118,226,0.14800000000000002,0.679,0.173,0.8986,2,1,0,1,1,5,20.0,1,0,1,5,7,14,1,2,8,0,21,4,2,4,5,49,48,19,2,7,12,1,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,13,9,1,2,11,1,0,4,10,5,0,1,11,4,32,9,24,32,2,25,0,2,0,0,8,8,0,5,15,125,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053156674482838,0.0,0.0,0.10486906086048912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499805683976991,0.0,0.0,0.10371393427290908,0.11219556478191664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226323807582752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135606388713742,0.10062662354953336,0.0,0.0,0.0812804776571654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162730632088737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618774064654378,0.0,0.2265396058908676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549030921564417,0.1800751569051356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737232685984436,0.0,0.06584673211178756,0.0,0.07162712267585124,0.0,0.10079963107100184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145004339748722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331601601827614,0.0,0.12517862002489613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202339630759432,0.1394361877379957,0.0,0.06926411616994224,0.10273323497660462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902041797517406,0.12314613817269306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751585257427304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682552238545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440792755037625,0.0,0.0,0.11827287854543675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540282234884458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763098899192863,0.0,0.0,0.12618042833361706,0.12755152685456062,0.0,0.2294703441295996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892063880533614,0.0,0.10064964494366203,0.0,0.0,0.13175643886703295,0.0,0.13785899998775622,0.0,0.1187840543202638,0.0,0.0,0.10130007664698584,0.11015788091247553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001669653030455,0.0734905114426365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160147053807166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867436089381872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175309507659286,0.0,0.0,0.08952980758605159,0.0,0.0,0.08116073951400474
suicidewatch,depressingThrow_Away,2018/04/07,"I feel like I’m spiralling. I haven’t felt like this since withdrawing off pcp Idk why I keep making these fucking reddit posts being on the internet is just making me more pissed off again because it’s just like looking into a world that I can’t seem to become a part of. I just feel like I’m freaking out. I’m pissed off. I don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do with my life? How am I supposed to pass the time? I hate this, I hate being stuck here alone not being able to talk to anybody or anything. Idk. Sorry.",0.9028733766233756,2.8177569821428565,2.4987662337662364,95.2825974025974,81.85714285714286,4.7870129870129885,20.003246753246753,5.565023196281405,-0.2392964285714281,410,11,92,2,11,134,69,112,0.237,0.677,0.086,-0.9489,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,5,0,4,0,11,4,2,3,0,17,27,2,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,4,12,4,14,22,2,11,0,0,1,1,1,7,3,2,6,58,19,0,0.19022782475075853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701865673153834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565412913087644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596111633722797,0.2100916869960592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236980780117466,0.27179759202251697,0.18264854346726925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586255869174575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37562118790634624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908323107905573,0.0,0.0,0.1045442375956152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436353832659226,0.3717428255785746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974346268872494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25395710032879754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599819663887586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218567228365265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317626719564658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573584223939281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294447562707508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289791983272702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092337438381084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165102379216998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsthatguymanperson,2018/04/07,"I'm not 100% but it sucks nonetheless. I'm not a good person, I don't make good choices in life. The choices I make are because I want to see how it plays out. I'm a coward. 

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember back to high school or slightly before. Suicidal kinda so so. I don't have the courage to do so, but here lately it's been getting worse. 

Maybe this is just a cry for help, or maybe I just want to not feel anymore? More of a question to myself as I'm just typing my thoughts.

I'm married, I do love my wife, I have a child that lives with her mom and moms boyfriend in another country . I cheat, I have flawed senses of morality. I'm sure there aren't much, if any, redeeming qualities in me or my life.

And I'm 100% sure my work is not helping me in anyway. Possibly influencing my suicidal tendencies. If I wasn't such a coward I'd take the easy way out.",1.5062234042553193,2.9799515904255363,3.5542021276595754,90.50875,78.30851063829788,7.040425531914893,25.04787234042553,7.8658589789855275,1.2331106382978727,681,25,156,11,16,232,104,188,0.245,0.64,0.115,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,12,10,2,0,9,0,15,3,0,4,2,32,33,16,2,4,14,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,2,20,7,19,29,2,11,1,1,1,1,10,7,1,7,3,95,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686687313443837,0.14936505957879018,0.0,0.0,0.14126627208412962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953072093629214,0.0,0.08683260170610904,0.0,0.12120943824461547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646815602726447,0.0,0.0,0.1226868952608361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202401731155778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442116348464302,0.0,0.0,0.2389507070089865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095455629584326,0.15050001317876352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068315008773068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122496188131128,0.0,0.0,0.12578075066965805,0.12605854671983574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285613623266128,0.0,0.1901650867102716,0.0,0.2862084900075241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33365761845447856,0.0,0.0,0.10471280388829048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437669446019288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058432098961284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595699927172367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136139834530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416103469863442,0.11350950600733575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116214532408535,0.0,0.26850375842279856,0.0,0.10710023638587846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308470484449015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803444245751695,0.11306549695765965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370100185571292,0.0,0.14516270801635428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cold-footed-bitch,2018/04/07,"I can't do this anymore I can't fucking do this anymore. I've been depressed since I could remember and I want to end it I can't do it. My childhood was shit and I'm still fucked up over it, I'm married but I can't provide for my husband when I'm like this-- he deserves better. Im a lazy shit head and no matter how hard I try im back to wanting to end it all. Maybe that's what I should have done all along. I was going to drink myself into oblivion tomorrow and take the entirety of the pain killers I have. I was never worth it, my family knows it, my husband knows I'm broken beyond repair. I just want this pain to end, these thoughts to be silence. Permanent silence.",0.28462931034482963,2.385711165517243,2.42989224137931,93.78276939655173,85.6206896551724,5.004310344827585,22.85560344827586,6.322622252153567,0.4579051724137933,529,20,117,5,16,178,83,145,0.263,0.6659999999999999,0.07,-0.9859,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,4,0,3,0,17,8,3,1,3,22,31,7,0,5,2,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,6,1,0,4,1,1,1,6,7,0,0,6,1,17,2,13,22,2,14,0,1,0,2,3,4,4,0,10,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921450594490643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325724996967206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026641704997582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759942425712007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686103264710116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072924935967072,0.0,0.14428854861569687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913668120320354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885231011168725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723352606506035,0.0,0.0,0.08370854641394034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194329565071214,0.0,0.15116247579853262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31819788192576604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189393812371955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195866480339444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479730354147793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359946078132213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134548072896222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685134610298158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023830222067012,0.1218401668240642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762632869453067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074407381305988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693214994694046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000053445107623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606271376228063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IndividualEnd,2018/04/07,"i dont know what to do. im horrible at this type of thing. 

ive been in a strange situation in life these past few months. ive been suicidal/depressed since 2009, and over the past 2-3 years ive gotten so much better, but ever since august ive completely fallen apart, and suicide is the only option i see as a solution.",4.45544117647059,4.162335426470592,6.310588235294119,80.09764705882355,69.73529411764707,9.741176470588236,28.764705882352942,9.516144504307137,2.3193117647058825,251,8,54,5,4,88,51,68,0.198,0.7290000000000001,0.073,-0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,1,6,12,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,7,9,2,12,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,6,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358629471124434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135214232583346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826420473326686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269783544259075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208222023838263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864707740207534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265076131869616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259155859743868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373721804252768,0.0,0.16921775340523812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750715411142736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43948900377349975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343338047934413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808347335014955,0.2587456777063609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517929053191433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529294693359861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823622978475412
suicidewatch,New_Pulse,2018/04/07,"Trying to get better, but can't. I must not be trying hard enough. Or maybe I'm not trying at all. I've been seeking treatment for a real long time, and I feel like very little has improved. Medicines don't even help me. I'm such a parasite to family and friends. I tried to seize opportunities and options, like going back to school, volunteer, so on, but it's just all overwhelming to me. I've been so depressed with suicidal thoughts that I barely leave my room these days. I can't talk to my family about my problems, because they'll just say it's cowardice, I'm selfish and seeking attention. I was told by them one time that no one likes a depressed person. Also, I've been avoiding them, to avoid any further injury and such.

Life has never been kind to me. I've faced failure and disappointment so much that I'm too scared to even try, because I'm afraid everything will just hurt me again. Everything about my mental illness and what caused my mental illness convinced me that I'm the ultimate failure, and everything about that just makes me feel worse and worse. As if my family making me feel worse isn't enough. I really don't try hard at all. All I do is nothing, and yet I just want to die. I may or may not have attempted already",4.2520422852001785,5.538636878542511,4.953569500674764,83.98872582096269,70.90283400809716,8.079982006297795,28.297121007647323,8.515128840125781,1.9815822762033293,987,36,195,16,18,318,129,247,0.299,0.594,0.107,-0.9969,0,2,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,3,20,19,0,5,4,0,21,4,1,3,6,46,37,20,2,4,13,0,5,3,1,5,3,1,1,1,9,11,0,2,5,0,0,1,10,11,0,2,7,6,26,8,20,24,7,15,0,5,0,0,9,6,0,6,11,125,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266706225234645,0.08164728472076392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942975928359804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850662814532489,0.0,0.1244753018104872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029688753616023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488219342352027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584440155368514,0.0,0.17587274843464454,0.0,0.10596102210701766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098789277331145,0.0,0.13486879051534062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752757834607205,0.0,0.2887451358736836,0.0,0.1548705978453223,0.07293843049936444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888022775923076,0.0,0.053341697725422514,0.0,0.058024327163732514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829185019182948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684337609376862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929741959604368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063187710715374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810644571692077,0.0,0.0,0.07211444022705643,0.14963895400250973,0.1023284553854911,0.0,0.09035302029674767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630166606198313,0.0,0.10257059985081596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578040896692446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505336481528173,0.0,0.07874383871634544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796524587081096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836773332642016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914754525911002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769346013103547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162092370425257,0.06540623348875077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119198102520547,0.10221734702960672,0.10332805853358512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116780266876677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206205372336675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105396181327047,0.11906767492742625,0.0,0.0,0.09755847782307854,0.0,0.4159047535369251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424107931159458,0.060219714509558535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121380369285668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unbearable1110,2018/04/07,"Please help My anxiety ruined a relationship with the best guy I could ever ask for. I am devastated and hopeless and all I want is to fix it.
I feel so panicked. I need someone to be here for me right now. Someone who will help me know I'm not alone. Someone I can be completely real with because I'm terrified of the headspace I'm in and I just want help.",1.5111428571428576,3.3891602666666683,3.6925714285714304,87.67200000000004,79.66666666666666,6.9523809523809526,26.714285714285715,7.957251820313856,1.6220285714285718,280,12,61,5,7,96,51,75,0.222,0.564,0.214,-0.5756,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,16,16,4,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,1,8,12,2,4,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744519462013744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532251123146708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724876949920424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122097961411458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019722545249134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100054769182272,0.0,0.0,0.1599192442622489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117827751451632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127516063803567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832352162707867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402760511395197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007688344961013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485161905616597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198637418004942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279795386505799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504185140376747,0.0,0.171050819471399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091278625281727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362783386407543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mylifeisajoke1,2018/04/07,"Heartbroken and depressed. I am ready to end my life right now and i will I dont have much left to say, im so broken. I have bought some fentanyl and im ready to do it",-1.9507692307692288,-0.1453071025640984,0.7648205128205134,103.47184615384614,94.3846153846154,4.1456410256410265,15.492307692307696,5.6839178017228535,-1.0116092307692308,129,3,35,1,5,44,26,39,0.266,0.619,0.115,-0.8220000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,3,5,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795646523201593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510084412285198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652655884799088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6470166539966327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254045408858245,0.0,0.21154370144013232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016487333981152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25576893839528403,0.0,0.2381721627353749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HerdierGaming,2018/04/07,"Looking to help my friend Not really sure if this is the right sub to post this in, so please remove if it isn't.

For a few months now, my best friend has, unbeknownst to me, been depressed. I found out around two months ago when he came over to play some games. He had a hospital band on and, when I asked about it, he opened up by saying that he had tried to kill himself a few days prior. Thankfully, our mutual friend managed to talk him out of it in time for help to reach him. 

He is going to therapy and seemed to be doing well. However, more recently, he told me that he's been having near daily breakdowns. 

Beyond listening to him and helping him through the breakdowns, I'm not sure how to help him. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",4.5122818791946315,5.298793550335571,5.1095906040268435,84.96787583892619,69.8724832214765,8.644563758389262,26.309395973154363,8.841846274778883,1.717286711409396,585,17,122,10,10,188,97,149,0.071,0.705,0.224,0.9742,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,9,12,1,0,5,0,13,0,0,1,2,19,23,9,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,3,0,3,3,2,1,1,7,3,13,10,27,13,5,26,0,1,1,0,28,12,0,4,10,84,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858934991784833,0.1347902715286523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340467667909588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536388747566386,0.14215373445646934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595755243165273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739138809405976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980648517874932,0.0,0.1309673609429079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672378457902348,0.3524389771178537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641808428832141,0.0,0.0,0.16764451810852785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076851768874096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822968415631834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769045086029648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427425423201857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691405797807404,0.0,0.0,0.1456295628167062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741226955829993,0.0,0.15013896309270686,0.0,0.0,0.12985672928441902,0.0,0.12092265094213035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842792227187692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28662579299218266,0.0,0.0,0.12221848700679508,0.0,0.1399946070735687,0.17389161263529007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866626181513207,0.0,0.0,0.14529796676082318,0.0,0.10323742300261866,0.0,0.14853860326846027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671843303250994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801766382969752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nekurself99,2018/04/07,"what should i do? A bit about me: I did extremely well academically in school, and got into a top university. I had things set for me. But shit happened, and I ended up with a criminal conviction. My future career is shit, because of that record. I may as well drop out of university as I won't get a job with a record.


Second, I'm the most anti-social guy you'll ever meet. During school, I never attended a dance, or social outing. I even skipped the semi-formal and then the formal the following year. (For the Americans here, a formal is like a prom.) Even when my mates arrange for one of their female friends to go as my date to social events at university, I create excuses and never show up. I just don't know how to communicate with people. Give me a job at a computer and I'll do it no problem. Give me an individual written ask to do at university, and it'll get done. But give me group work and I'm the most fucked up mong you'll ever meet. My interpersonal skills are dog shit.


I have't talked to a girl (with the exception of my sister and mom) face to face for like 5 years. (I went to a private catholic boys only school and I just never had much of a peer group. Apart from interacting at school and the rare weekend drinking session at a mates place, I never associated with anyone outside of the 6 close mates in my peer group.) As such, I've lived in isolation from girls for an incredibly long time, and literally have no clue of how to communicate with them.


To compound my already fucked up life I was diagnosed with ADHD and suffer from depression. The terms of my parole (12 months of parole due to my criminal conviction) state that I must seek psychological help. I've been there and done that. Psychologists are useless. I've begun seeing my old psychiatrist after a year of not seeing him. I hope I'll be able to use my ADHD condition to get back on Ritalin. (I was on it during high school and it made studying and life so much easier. Since I got off it, my life has gone downhill.)


I recognize that I need help. I come from a very well off family, and my parents have the attitude that money can solve everything. And they were right. I have a speech impediment, and chucking money at a speech therapist solved the problem. My poor grades in the first few years of high school were solved by chucking money at a private tutor. My ADHD was solved by chucking money at a psychiatrist and at Ritalin. With my parent's attitude, I feel I cannot get help from them.


What people don't  know is I've attempted suicide before. Thankfully a dog walker saw me throwing the noose around a tree to hang myself and tackled me. I ran off before he could call the police.


In my opinion, to get my life back on track, I must: (1) get back on Ritalin (this will become a reality next month); (2) get a real social life and start associating with people; and (3) stop being a mong (I can laugh about it now, but sometimes I feel like ending my life).


Any suggestions/comments on my plan?",3.75324312333629,5.343950363945582,5.3091629695356435,79.7657542147294,72.57142857142857,8.37834960070985,25.707778763679386,8.964715089967882,1.9767589766341311,2346,76,457,48,46,793,271,588,0.076,0.861,0.063,-0.8617,4,1,1,1,0,2,86.0,0,2,4,6,23,20,5,0,42,0,40,18,5,4,8,72,78,35,1,8,8,4,2,3,4,9,10,2,0,4,15,36,1,1,4,4,5,10,11,10,3,3,19,7,64,10,83,47,7,84,0,3,3,2,39,36,5,6,38,303,79,16,0.0651047425793383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347297464343734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184470236828075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427345749070149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552274977213715,0.0,0.0,0.05795702390258953,0.06086414581745194,0.0,0.0,0.15018458510275107,0.0,0.03968724679599127,0.07190307315903223,0.1107986814882936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107751691614415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647922132010144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608197096422359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198083932848273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607461938467026,0.0660799432739633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324951108497418,0.0,0.06377786209338862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532695562782358,0.0,0.0,0.08600213691240408,0.11778193395973327,0.0,0.0,0.05851194465227386,0.0,0.061374957130092216,0.0,0.06583782805350258,0.04651084110722195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537806077921201,0.0,0.0,0.050299762617500084,0.12037657086150565,0.23810178628984136,0.18736320447157392,0.03700052554721946,0.0,0.10414042014423487,0.0,0.0,0.06446393090659214,0.05757190885119464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091500980556758,0.13757347006695309,0.0,0.06466369938043587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921282236682627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155972777098761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759124303585971,0.09542066597007827,0.0,0.057488680471733035,0.05761564845594326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061603681595389766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624988765040051,0.10393196878270547,0.0,0.09571895368701,0.04827434168338153,0.2008511642290174,0.0,0.0692396323303274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831647554051269,0.0,0.0441166584957409,0.04951509046364602,0.0,0.0,0.1445822240150438,0.0,0.0,0.13540629315880567,0.0,0.06802059915730703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459289212177127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410345029735046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559909443648504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953368515996665,0.10376010139259133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048724803220155,0.05385531583547491,0.0,0.0,0.19909825867822173,0.0,0.0,0.06439025513492277,0.0,0.04608147188992672,0.0,0.0,0.054430479993723226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121402145448504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232872596145431,0.0,0.059939699869030076,0.0,0.07559162408220768,0.0432526980715049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037963098956483116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622959421484693,0.0,0.05371823094817756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561094703225774,0.06035274862755136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739702799150007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677012787130482
suicidewatch,Mytimeisup1,2018/04/07,"Got a gun in my mouth, i have never been more ready So see you guys, thanks for trying to help me",-0.08727272727272606,1.2871239090909121,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,82.63636363636364,4.4,11.0,3.1291,-2.0085272727272727,74,0,20,0,2,24,22,22,0.18,0.608,0.213,0.2199,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,3,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725898693451778,0.0,0.0,0.4612734913244612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122553588780861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592990547487207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712291785222665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289002274402178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162875708697568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway619724,2018/04/07,"Drugs and depression don’t mix All I ever heard from my friends was that you can’t get addicted to weed. If you believe this, that’s fine, but if you find that you relate to a lot of posts in this sub I hope you listen. I found that when I smoked I was able to escape my anxiety and depression for the night. It was really nice, and I started doing it every weekend. Then, my work would pile up or I’d have a fight with a friend and I’d smoke on a weeknight. 

I’ll be honest with you - it worked for a while. I started to enjoy life more and I started to get really interested in mountain climbing. I kept this up, and I became more social. Things were going well, and I just kept smoking. Eventually, I went on spring break and didn’t smoke the entire time (because I couldn’t bring anything on the plane). This is where things started to go downhill. 

Over the break, I had multiple mental breakdowns the likes of which I had never experienced. At my lowest I remember crying in my car so hard that I was literally screaming unintelligibly. Thoughts filled my head of driving my truck off a bridge. I hadn’t thought like this in a while, though I have always battled depression. 

When I got back from break I smoked immediately, and I felt better. To make sure I had fixed myself, I smoked the next day. And the next day. And the day after that. Before I knew it I was getting high three times a day. 

Not only did my use increase, the effects began to change. Whenever I smoked, I felt like I was a total failure that had nothing going for me. It was like my intrusive thoughts of self loathing had finally figured out how to get into my high mind, and they didn’t leave very easily. I had terrifying dreams sometimes, too. I had a recurring one of me falling off of a mountain, which really killed my newfound enthusiasm for climbing. 

I went on a trip with my friend to a different part of my state today. He’s in the military so I didn’t bring any of my smoking stuff, because I was gonna be around him and other military members that can’t smoke anyways (they get drug tested). 

The anxiety attack came as scheduled. It felt like something terrible was going to happen, but I didn’t know what. I was shaking and I couldn’t stop fidgeting. I was able to hold it together on the outside but I lost control of my emotions. I texted my best friend a few states away and said some terrible things to her. Still, I don’t even understand it. She told me that she had been smoking and it’s like a switch was flipped in my brain. It was like I hated her immediately. I told her she was a bad friend and I was sick of talking to her. I still don’t understand it. I don’t feel that way, and I don’t know why I did what I did. Luckily, she’s a strong person and things will be fine between us, but I legitimately thought about killing myself over this. Not going to lie, writing it down really helps though. 

I don’t feel like the same person anymore. Smoking doesn’t give me the relief that it used to, and whenever I stop I get worse than I ever was before I started this stupid habit. 

I’m not going to demonize people that like to smoke... I know a lot of folks can handle it better than me. 

But please, don’t make the same mistake I did. Substances won’t cure you. They will just make your mental illness go away for a little while and come back with a vengeance. 

Having tried some other drugs, I’m making a decision now to cut all of it out of my life before I become dependent on something that will really screw up my health. I know that my problems are pretty small compared to some on this sub, but if sharing my experience helps one person steer clear of this path then I will be glad I took the time to write this. I hope you all find yourselves. ",3.1518096090458627,4.798634292942744,4.27965117548187,86.3076940036236,74.24633821571237,7.214869791098208,25.49389884525551,7.925487318751,1.3799367444500228,2938,99,602,43,61,959,310,751,0.154,0.667,0.179,0.9671,2,0,13,0,1,1,84.0,1,9,3,11,23,51,9,1,37,0,64,12,2,10,9,109,130,44,2,10,15,0,6,9,5,7,9,4,0,4,50,31,0,6,23,2,0,23,22,20,1,3,57,11,112,31,80,60,17,103,1,4,0,1,46,33,1,12,49,423,162,3,0.11440550897470897,0.0,0.0,0.062359445834901314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047597274150599035,0.0,0.0,0.03889983461743477,0.0,0.08751990122400392,0.0,0.05672976161280159,0.0,0.0,0.0470729929525359,0.05092257918196134,0.0,0.06507639128712943,0.10748774168080094,0.08797077457092765,0.04776191063628983,0.06974053639743946,0.06317594813911039,0.14602599266037675,0.06444791573736468,0.06003076170498042,0.10118237562305747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385719209462684,0.0,0.06542471214585918,0.0,0.0,0.060512929433052816,0.0492751079128225,0.0,0.0,0.06415775320650936,0.0,0.0,0.06283453976993962,0.1475641775141457,0.0,0.14780594585982354,0.0,0.0,0.0597647034536164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901110359818144,0.0,0.0,0.0643453995180099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778187984687135,0.1034863327066226,0.0481957877901671,0.0,0.0,0.05595527023664136,0.0,0.0,0.05784686283853585,0.04086565923541684,0.1647708446929939,0.062662821492347,0.10456456257233472,0.0,0.0,0.06271986775843705,0.22097353109681184,0.0,0.1793164695781097,0.054874094475737,0.22756750529210615,0.0,0.045750268334608005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058420687816978,0.0,0.05124243225463367,0.05647587733342226,0.05870652909909485,0.060803853098665,0.0,0.0,0.07668360110111863,0.12087570153008835,0.0,0.11363048445804225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657274509416871,0.0,0.12574855153992473,0.0,0.0,0.06056945757639064,0.0,0.0,0.08080799436169397,0.2515173877780683,0.05733218769913718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244356379845203,0.09726347255058082,0.0,0.0,0.1527331312279092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529384458362214,0.0,0.05775847535994421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044118290698602784,0.0,0.12167155669680448,0.05368091006552187,0.0,0.054887585697436576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752413371910694,0.04350527244247155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061945008742073635,0.0,0.039657187463042885,0.14984171641578306,0.0,0.06279144676233582,0.0,0.0,0.05478442649706981,0.058195766075092616,0.0,0.05473531064365944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322774642420425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479956982361702,0.0,0.05441291881644533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967494838750645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831100448712179,0.0,0.08807495015619232,0.056574986858638474,0.0,0.20244202023555533,0.0,0.09136438725082316,0.0956481282424404,0.0,0.0,0.0654834682489151,0.0,0.0,0.05391291913753935,0.0,0.0,0.04597740725510671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520118732170625,0.0,0.11240283169915546,0.18165038981311574,0.1000661584618273,0.0,0.0542215227114895,0.10931936656571292,0.06355436499774812,0.038836915409492995,0.0,0.0,0.11910016956964788,0.06880787045889546,0.09880962723647248,0.0,0.04719826320915068,0.0,0.04540488394300572,0.0,0.0,0.051432146058773096,0.10605505299930268,0.051616588605539374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832885730966238,0.0,0.05829449379064953,0.04063519556061182,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatMixedGuy22,2018/04/07,"It's been 4 years Last time I self harmed was 4 years ago and a few days, but today I was fine for most of the day  but right now I'm the worst I've been since then and I'm really struggling with how to deal with it. My girlfriend has an important day tomorrow and I don't want to wake anyone up but I don't know what to do.. help...?",-0.13616541353383482,1.2798656842105274,1.9969172932330816,100.08342105263156,82.94736842105263,5.9218045112781965,16.1203007518797,6.868970318607317,-0.5820541353383457,256,4,69,3,7,86,52,76,0.177,0.764,0.059,-0.8681,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,8,1,1,1,0,12,12,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,8,8,3,14,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,12,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308332992278213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208121388992785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038190001327174,0.26846609584324976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454396626687246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431117645945589,0.2122648111749032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682209563345524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238442661853866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27165918211356244,0.0,0.0,0.2154096870429091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722318208275773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518442355881303,0.0,0.246833468830264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359360166582214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33538453357725845
suicidewatch,Tamakeri_Action,2018/04/07,"I've wanted to die from impulse since I was little. I'm 27 and have had suicidal thoughts and impulses for about 18 or 17 years. I have these sudden bursts of overwhelming desire to die at the spur of the moment that are overwhelming at times like,

I'll be sitting in the passenger seat of a car and have to stop myself from opening the door and jumping out on the highway.

Jumping into a wild animal exhibit at the zoo.
Plunging a knife into my chest that I'm holding in my hand

And I try to put myself into situations where I can die without it being technical suicide I think.

An example i have is about 2 years ago when I was walking home from work late at night I saw this guy who was breaking into a van, I yelled at him and he pulled out a gun and instead of me running away I just sprinted towards him swearing and telling him if you shoot you better not miss and than he just started running. I caught up to him and slamed his head into the asphalt and called the police

Too this day I keep thinking about that night and I wish he just pulled the trigger I don't even care that I caught the guy to be honest I just wanted him to end it.
I find myself looking for moments like that again but I'm just never around during the crime and I live in a pretty low crime area town.

My question is do i have some kind of mental illness? Idk if there are even meds or therapy that is designed to help with these thoughts or action?
Do you know anything about these tendencies any input would be appreciated.


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suicidewatch,Zaidsmommy,2018/04/07,"I want to kill myself I don't think I can ever go on. Please help My sons father went out tonight and won't answer my calls or texts I'm at home with our son. All he does it drink smoke weed and talk shit about me with his mom. I can't anymore I love him but all he does is call me a whore and tell me how I don't really love me and he's constantly rough with me, I hate my self tonight I've just had enough I want to kill myself but I don't want my son to find me dead please someone help me please please ",-0.25079254079253843,1.2180097948717972,1.4675835275835285,103.48524475524479,83.5299145299145,4.938306138306139,14.909867909867911,5.565023196281405,-1.2300188034188029,394,5,108,2,11,128,69,117,0.258,0.597,0.145,-0.9733,0,0,2,0,0,2,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,1,0,8,5,1,1,3,22,18,8,3,3,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,8,1,0,3,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,1,25,2,10,15,3,9,0,0,0,3,20,3,1,1,4,58,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365997394728066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27523942943873564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564322960139384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588394329256146,0.0,0.0,0.1320275871530009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925796611136398,0.0,0.0,0.12191114628573978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318134531058232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659538829067701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306180174978274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806728573145684,0.0,0.135189695959899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982157747672388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432782869639049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578461296245513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917672064725883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633992147060829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059907568833396,0.0,0.1383439683918198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419389818378392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083265446772885,0.11779875201679592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635798330095829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384802706594613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249372041928824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Monster716,2018/04/07,Tonight might finally be the night I'm drunk. And high. My girl might leave. I already started trying. Hopefully I'm gone by 3am.,-0.7856410256410236,0.4384699230769229,1.0769230769230802,95.05974358974359,119.0,4.810256410256411,23.56410256410256,6.42735559955562,1.1910717948717946,102,5,21,2,6,33,22,26,0.142,0.7509999999999999,0.107,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187475249705317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31641546459476405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051804909752749,0.0,0.286888155333946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058450386187467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6128375770805253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27106136770950034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044459038415913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610672389246125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sabhor,2018/04/07,"I feel like I'm too far gone I've been a shut in for nearly 10 years and my social anxiety has become so bad I can't talk to my own family. No matter how much I want to fix it, my efforts are too small to make change. Anything besides these small efforts is too difficult for me to do. I don't want to interact with people because it's draining and I'm horrible at it, I also am absolutely hideous and short so I feel like everyone is judging me negatively, which makes my social anxiety even worse.

It's hard to see a future where I have a job, a friend, am able to get in a relationship and don't have my entire life dictated by my social anxiety. I don't even know what the point of posting this thread is. Any advice I get I'm too incompetent to do and if someone messages me I'll have an anxiety attack just looking at the message.",4.232499999999998,4.39943225,6.204545454545458,79.0768181818182,70.25,9.581818181818182,30.772727272727273,9.573946990214177,2.69145,660,26,138,14,11,232,103,176,0.172,0.76,0.068,-0.9538,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,12,6,1,0,8,0,17,1,0,3,0,17,32,10,0,3,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,5,18,3,18,30,2,16,0,0,2,0,9,12,0,1,4,91,26,1,0.1409852785070344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377691824547791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274587628549725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587482397598536,0.0,0.4314134086568176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601887148703754,0.0,0.0,0.1603911075973958,0.0,0.0,0.11771681859435633,0.08594331719984362,0.15570716346023925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914373067963832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623889358013385,0.0,0.0,0.1347174754048493,0.0,0.0,0.13290837320796753,0.0,0.14257278589359018,0.20143982227123208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892487644543028,0.0,0.14731797813429126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262951172114349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990613453288087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774818219839031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958207163954688,0.13775657127409344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183921258961783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821753634414956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364040167672674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977414404147053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327665865837782,0.0,0.1350249248791857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136542684897994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234701354456456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311502102294306,0.1194563689644888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331862643652127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631354013211885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436760435079777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907898969746038
suicidewatch,Proxzys,2018/04/07,"I sexually committed a crime and I can’t get over it. Let me start out by saying that I came on here for support and to see what I actually did was wrong. I 100% feel like what I did was wrong, but I want other people’s opinions as well. I’m scared to tell my friends about this or even a therapist, so I decided to go on here to see if I could get some advice. Could be bad, but it’s worth a shot. I’m running out of options.

A little backstory, I’m 19, and I recently dated this girl that I used to go to school with. She moved back into town and we started talking again. Right away, I knew she was into me because she kept on dropping hints about my looks and all that. I figured, what the hell, I’ll go out with her. She is my type anyways. So we started dating and we took things at a very fast pace, which I was nervous about, but she assured me that everything was fine. 

It was my birthday the next day, and she wanted me to come over and spend the night with her. I said no at first, due to the fact that it was 11 at night and I just wanted to go home and sleep. But eventually I gave in. I drove over there and we started to lay in bed and talk. I don’t know why I got so horny, but I did. So I wanted to get rid of it. With my girlfriend being right there and us already doing sexual stuff (dating for a month btw. This is the fast paced part I mentioned), I wanted to have sex. She said she wasn’t in the mood. So I went down a notch and asked her to talk dirty to me. She laughed at that fact and said no. I kept on asking her, joking with her, and eventually she gave me. I do my thing, clean up, and we talk afterwards and then sleep. 

The next day, we get dressed and I leave her apartment. Throughout the day, we’re talking and then she says that she’s in big trouble. Said that something went down with her grandparents and that she is screwed. We didn’t talk for a day, so I got worried and asked her the next day if she was okay. She responded and confronted me about my sexual assault. 

I first, I was shocked that I could do such a thing. I thought nothing of it, but as she told me and made me remember, it hit me like a brick wall. I started to ball my eyes out. I told my mom about what happened and she tried to reassure me that it was just a huge misunderstanding, but I knew what I did was wrong.

I apologized and everything to her. We eventually broke up and it still dawns on me everyday of what I did. 

I’ve done some recent research on this topic and see what I can do to get some help for myself as I don’t want to be the same person that I am. I also see if this was an actual crime or not. Judging from what I read, it seems like it could be to me, but again, want peoples opinions on this one. 

I posted it on here mostly because I saw a similar one on here and I want to die over this. I feel absolutely distraught and disgusted over myself for this. 

Any advice you guys have will help me a lot, as I’m stuck at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. Thanks ",2.2206132075471667,3.2205607940251566,3.6781289308176106,92.29191037735852,75.4937106918239,6.99811320754717,23.47012578616352,7.413659706084162,0.6750069182389935,2299,65,547,27,48,760,246,636,0.13699999999999998,0.767,0.097,-0.9886,1,0,1,0,1,1,74.0,9,1,0,2,28,29,5,3,25,1,46,5,3,2,5,110,114,57,1,15,16,1,2,3,2,1,0,6,3,3,47,53,0,2,11,3,2,12,9,15,1,4,43,15,109,13,82,60,8,90,1,1,7,2,68,42,2,14,37,393,156,4,0.0,0.0,0.1247123947664625,0.0,0.0,0.12488270834633625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051412518679905,0.0510999997769292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345350486593515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921079172516166,0.0,0.06003520518904296,0.04913437959919497,0.05335298817209325,0.07790446328378008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308342247574251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504332248496618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407257826385125,0.0,0.0,0.20604781385030407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631706399728919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539085274208006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220468071178825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485658522137822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646184992957989,0.04564945172388847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870489769365486,0.0,0.0,0.04936820170672178,0.0,0.16692292653652205,0.0,0.14526107587110734,0.0,0.1022117202937778,0.0,0.0,0.06327004697826517,0.05650566644658326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566029306693819,0.0,0.06409589767760562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702344283717774,0.0,0.0,0.06765980486567702,0.0,0.06534104728009092,0.0,0.09365345758036646,0.06404357554884259,0.0,0.0,0.05365905881617675,0.0,0.0,0.05432463684383044,0.0,0.060462770013545976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483772562239051,0.05100356474501712,0.06791451462662787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038719045839154,0.11992974827170648,0.0,0.06131280494220968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659921963474837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919638001719602,0.0,0.088599029036606,0.0557941339804997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611975697783796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063916282674633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618508896966146,0.0,0.07238510009960378,0.10913877783973863,0.2431302915103307,0.1016300842450752,0.0639740369600172,0.06466918999296421,0.2036768902315722,0.05817124125526438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789027557429944,0.0,0.0,0.04919256486329352,0.0,0.0,0.2261401725197245,0.0,0.05102981651491962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314905665221534,0.0,0.0725118174093574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081575296447281,0.05585053433405053,0.05882960553664957,0.0,0.07419165321728091,0.12735495030016794,0.0,0.0,0.05072866102948336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211644789037444,0.07099412981677053,0.043383220245567324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768626181372033,0.055188211725672856,0.0,0.05272335937138658,0.30151424224620704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057452866599816015,0.118470009111471,0.0576589002547715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489252678693583,0.0,0.0,0.2095905458973736,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoBorkToday,2018/04/07,At least the sky is beautiful. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I'm so overwhelmed with school. I space out for hours at a time and can't convince myself to do my work and that just makes it worse. I just wanted to feel less alone tonight. And he doesn't want to talk to me. Why am I so fucking needy? I would rather die than keep feeling like this. I would rather die than do my work. I would rather die than fail another class. I would rather die than keep burdening the people in my life. I'm just crying walking around campus in a thunderstorm now hoping I get struck by lightning. Or maybe I'll go lie down in traffic. Or maybe when I get back to my room I'll figure out some sort of death there. I don't know. I don't know.,0.8357692307692304,2.8748222564102583,1.827884615384616,99.3233653846154,82.84615384615384,5.182051282051282,18.083333333333336,6.322622252153567,-0.4155051282051279,576,13,137,5,16,180,93,156,0.247,0.665,0.08800000000000001,-0.9791,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,14,8,1,1,4,0,13,2,0,1,0,35,30,8,5,11,9,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,2,19,3,23,26,3,20,0,2,0,1,2,12,1,5,7,84,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895752910052006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068678967939718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119437917179142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316686876604056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737718861832594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5569805821640653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356786895670378,0.09584960741658104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403610410560817,0.14019442839423948,0.0,0.07625073560231711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325904352987938,0.13212840071628948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850927006464304,0.0,0.0,0.14747038863207207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476678806366816,0.06554768132140967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955814577324123,0.0,0.26957947027032897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301516042310942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578512421717026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783911278775904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823440825134248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967356345257964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582714614219748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106570275847538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535172521283747,0.0,0.13672859924255382,0.3812362374328315,0.14669158689279835,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anoughnymoughs,2018/04/07,I can't keep doing this I just sat in abar for 3 hours trying to talk to anyone. anybody. i'm fucking invisibe. i havent had a friend in 6 years. Everyone i try and talk to looks at me like I'm some psychotic rapist. I'm sick of walking down the street and seeing people cross the street. I can't keep living liem this i'm so alone all the time. i havent seen a movie with someone else since 2008. there are 6 different pizza shops in this fucking city that know my order because i keep eating the same food all the time alone. i keep hearing it gets better. it hasnt it never will i feel liekt he most disgusting repulsive peroson alive. im not ft. i have a job i have money i'm in college my grades are fine. why is everything so shit,0.04157894736842138,2.2654097452229323,2.138364063023804,94.44916862219245,88.49044585987261,5.343479718404291,18.45424069728461,6.8360192770164,0.12755541401273884,578,16,129,8,19,193,101,157,0.16,0.775,0.064,-0.9483,2,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,5,0,8,0,13,8,1,0,3,17,32,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,7,3,3,4,2,1,2,2,7,5,0,0,3,5,14,4,12,28,5,16,0,0,3,3,5,8,3,2,6,67,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029889891527163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227733422814296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916653377632361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936639406021638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528239306551851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967357894139338,0.12219214487679188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397699171072884,0.1314605499336967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395991650755418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687363559827662,0.0,0.1130099929942081,0.27045367059033765,0.07642149442885876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486006261151329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404923155489446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799971133980956,0.0,0.1451531716111569,0.5200558984332714,0.0,0.0,0.08038769880052242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146149558586233,0.0,0.12916155145226232,0.0,0.1228323019930111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281459136798558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140713358571872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656047385972584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014691466068278,0.1209983615936669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393645841364435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513705220717396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058567769931993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986192426105816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198843969555152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419487958919136
suicidewatch,SolidIntuitionn,2018/04/07,"I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be alive anymore. It scares me a lot to be writing this to be honest. I’ve never felt so low in my entire life before, and I feel like it’ll just continue to be this way till the end. I’m in a community college taking courses my dumbass can barely comprehend. I’m gay..AND black in a predominantly racist state. I can barely look people in the eye when talking because of anxiety and low self esteem from having MAJOR skin issue that literally can’t be fixed. Everyone I talk to just thinks I’m weird I assume because minutes later I’m left on read or just straight up shunned. I can’t do it anymore. I have no place in this earth. 

What’s the easiest/painless way one can kill them self? I’ve been planning for sometime now and it’s getting to that point of execution. ",1.315595475715238,3.614125952095812,3.5732435129740523,85.96895375914836,82.89221556886227,6.106320691949433,24.84664005322688,7.3871296695380915,1.3282803725881571,642,26,129,10,18,220,103,167,0.157,0.773,0.071,-0.9347,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,1,1,6,0,17,3,2,0,1,15,29,7,1,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,6,12,2,18,21,2,23,0,2,3,0,6,13,0,3,8,77,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104215542236077,0.0,0.4707518536591006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290572150560034,0.0,0.13463833674478648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014092296947148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119134703607126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000362048486456,0.1130364044618894,0.15192139474164895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266634855581713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514642424487355,0.0,0.0,0.1750531898420523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191258375999455,0.0,0.11175942472630157,0.07730103875317662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286965880940946,0.0,0.0,0.13451775192539833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203334156059427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721776546107864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969371266152196,0.0,0.16531208155019875,0.0,0.14957434060036934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826842398480506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841143417475392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33012762932876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648917004223398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379319284174425,0.2543514970678896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138457938355963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332556183727153,0.2511842423175039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaorAharon123,2018/04/07,I will kill myself one day I want to kill myself in the must horrific way possible so my abusive mom will need to clean the mess she made.,10.773103448275863,5.2790745862069,10.368275862068966,72.3793103448276,61.75862068965517,14.358620689655172,39.3448275862069,11.20814326018867,3.9438,109,3,24,2,1,36,23,29,0.464,0.447,0.08900000000000001,-0.9627,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,6,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.3386536762805858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433227621790552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324419002876296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27045276081244396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33475260069899443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193423260681954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368115312260506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222226384744698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858589017152506,0.2268731002230336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Finallysomepeace,2018/04/07,"Killing myself in 1 house AMA So im finally doing it in 1 hour, im eating my last meal. Thought i would spend my last time on reddit. Ask me whatever you want",-1.3777142857142834,0.6359180857142874,1.6371428571428588,95.79285714285713,96.71428571428572,5.085714285714286,18.42857142857143,6.742157984588678,0.17397142857142844,123,4,29,2,5,43,28,35,0.131,0.831,0.039,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,3,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352360603309221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574759071208178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756436524092667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780062604887626,0.2903422711758996,0.0,0.0,0.5435978652982442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278386553001645,0.0,0.0,0.410217055239409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976269707137834,0.1467249678203057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841535587133126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874767611700693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadboi_123,2018/04/07,"I don't know what to fucking do!!!! ok. Let me start by saying my hand writing is bad and that is because I am fucking incapable of doing anything right ok. my brain is completely on fire! It feels like I have all these issues fucked together and know way of know how to express them. I can't seem to fully understand what is wrong with me, I feel like a 5 year old in the body of a 15 year old, I have basically 0 friends, my family does not understand me to the point where I am breakdowns because I am so tired of being misunderstood but like I said I don't know how to explain myself. I have been diagnosed with adhd but I am pretty sure I have OCD and BPD and probably more because I'm so fucked up. I'm also in high school and I just wan't to be normal. have friends, be smart, have hobbies and interests, confidence in myself, socialist etc.. but I can't and I feel like positivity is just being unrealistic, I can't take this anymore each and every day is hell. I doubt anyone here will be able to really help me and I understand that sadly I'm basically unfixable. killing myself is becoming more and more on my mind. anyway thanks 4 reading this I know its horribly written but idc anymore lol. ",2.242687747035572,4.3720538760330605,4.263065037729072,83.23890585698886,78.42148760330578,7.679770032339205,25.810995328781893,8.587818076936951,1.9925405677326624,946,37,189,21,23,323,130,242,0.161,0.636,0.203,0.8651,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,0,10,22,6,1,4,3,32,9,3,2,2,41,57,19,1,1,7,0,5,4,2,1,2,2,0,0,9,13,0,0,13,1,0,0,6,10,0,0,3,7,32,12,20,47,6,17,1,1,0,4,9,10,5,2,10,128,41,2,0.1024453854666116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311944517531433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192553774515096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319658897325324,0.07163219549211056,0.0,0.08430382332647453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553761771801102,0.18734926835026866,0.11314287952270854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379372859443597,0.1290263767244664,0.11436293090389008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741203755671908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606879853068111,0.0,0.0,0.10397990979018784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965064718910179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425368500992553,0.0,0.0,0.08631465568886502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657639201210036,0.0,0.15539839509401798,0.21956101154070967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829810136947567,0.3788364323237347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866698242222442,0.1082391743874368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692636628040393,0.0,0.0,0.11334064047218027,0.0,0.2815065233708173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475734752683148,0.0,0.20019856249075135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034406354246688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037472654240344,0.0,0.0,0.21499839775694876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684400254086313,0.0,0.0,0.1042237868004343,0.11045345256938767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247310864284036,0.0,0.06562913719392913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748779943640997,0.09744902133596517,0.08146868237973923,0.0,0.1036801993903122,0.0,0.0932624313492088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251137111677294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655356341094463,0.0,0.07702618038536202,0.0,0.0,0.09431794696604122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177459002688678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31994777760392595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131637854320935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200794686170372,0.0,0.1319429388731983
suicidewatch,12345TA54321,2018/04/07,"Fuck it I thought I had come so far, but the nightmares, the people around me constantly reminding me how I'm bad, stress from work.. I'm having suicidal thoughts",2.0446774193548407,4.849249516129035,2.6583064516129045,89.80745967741936,86.09677419354837,6.970967741935485,27.10483870967742,8.07648339933343,2.166606451612904,129,6,25,3,4,40,25,31,0.424,0.5760000000000001,0.0,-0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,8,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27745477979909106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602336843745324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684784320659785,0.0,0.3368074629412057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881363872089407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607460564188266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570200226940082,0.0,0.0,0.34091934524572903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948666162992638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22690143625413864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaiKarooba,2018/04/07,This has to be just a bad dream or nightmare and I can't get out of it. Every time I wake up from a nightmare I get a wave of relief knowing that it was just an awful dream. I've been feeling like I'm trapped in a nightmare for 3 years and I want to shake out of it.,0.3433870967741939,1.254567854838708,2.5685806451612905,98.73287096774195,80.12903225806451,4.960000000000001,22.07741935483871,3.1291,-0.3946232258064515,205,6,54,0,5,70,42,62,0.181,0.625,0.194,-0.29600000000000004,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,1,5,1,1,0,0,10,11,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,11,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768792560768431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38030289003125534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282287532316788,0.32246237737465144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716495966249139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480638856661369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051901640487434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632003819022717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662326591431693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906706895383457
suicidewatch,RedditAprilFools2,2018/04/07,I am 19 stories up That should do it.,-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,91.22222222222223,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.8357555555555556,28,1,8,0,1,10,9,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darkest1122,2018/04/07,Im alone yesterday my mom was mad at me for spending 65 dolllars to go shopping when she gave me the money and all of my friends are calling me a feen for weed and were all talking shit about me. today ive been playing fortnite all day inside my house and now im starting to cry and my phone cracked which makes everything worse so i feel like i cant call anyone for help and im starting to lose my mind because i have a lot of things going wrong today and yesterday and i have no one left to talk too because my parents didnt even buy me food and i havent eaten anything ive just been playing fortnite solo.,5.427637362637364,4.5424019615384665,6.175934065934067,83.86192307692309,67.84615384615384,8.65934065934066,33.956043956043956,7.447530270364453,2.204912087912088,485,20,104,4,7,160,82,130,0.168,0.7440000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.8962,1,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,0,3,0,12,3,1,1,3,16,20,10,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,1,3,4,2,4,4,0,1,7,1,19,4,11,13,4,13,0,1,0,0,11,2,1,1,10,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108104509875986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019982052041806,0.0,0.12004153456524724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784637188872673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29790648816087584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023528789193486,0.09407639712604213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634812981089397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110177586836275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375806964223561,0.10421212117500664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639092292648276,0.0,0.11270157305658925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580664464771594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777599186702728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831853641811872,0.0,0.0,0.472705524671509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849208133955875,0.0,0.0,0.07126646725759872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631952331448059,0.0,0.1240165089342119,0.0,0.0,0.0973717534279165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729074106989004,0.17084538447898215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988477191886488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619753576813745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973714291549134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065001542949968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449533059431324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691193075142544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27654221176522675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865764958666952,0.0,0.15948987002300244,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moepengy,2018/04/07,"I'm a coward I deserve to die I care so much about what others think. I dropped out of school recently (Technically I can always go back but money-wise I don't think that's going to happen) I moved back with my parents. They were taking care of my rent, and with me not going to school obviously they weren't going to pay it any more. The lease doesn't end until the end of May and I have no other way to pay it, I have two roommates who still live in the place and we used to split the rent three ways. Now I don't have a job and I can't pay for it, my parents won't. I could ask them to pay for my half (the advice from my mom) but that seems so stupidly unfair. They won't pay for it and the person who previously agreed to the take my place bailed on me. I just can't bring myself to ask my roommates to cover. 

This all just sounds so pathetic. I feel so fucking pathetic. Why am I so scared to ask? I wish I had actually just jumped in front of the train when I had the adrenaline and nerve to do it this last summer. I'm a pathetic scared coward who doesn't know how to deal with basic ass life shit and honestly I don't know why I exist. It's fucking hopeless. I went from a promising fucking student to this and life would be better if I just fucking disappeared. I wouldn't have to deal with my shitty self, no one would. And they would have to sort this fucking issue out without me, and that should probably make me want to stay and sort it out cause I'd be fucking them over blah blah blah but frankly fuck it. I would rather die.",2.214883556810165,3.51403139755352,3.5327370030581062,92.13547812279465,76.00305810397553,6.498659139026112,21.751235003528574,7.010146845296331,0.367861538461538,1205,30,276,12,26,394,152,327,0.247,0.6659999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.997,5,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,6,1,17,17,9,2,13,0,31,11,2,4,2,54,64,23,2,11,11,3,1,3,0,9,2,1,2,2,21,19,0,0,6,0,7,10,15,12,0,4,5,2,43,5,40,47,3,34,0,1,0,8,20,9,9,5,11,189,64,9,0.0,0.0,0.08296848299643521,0.0,0.0,0.08308178897041059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707444972705411,0.0,0.0,0.05781737070090135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23845019661229824,0.0,0.0,0.13075219815801264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519439320667658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733696770751703,0.08734025178341444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788255598583158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530636671961344,0.0,0.0,0.17647728461749485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060719725222949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042989302467635764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502054787414461,0.0,0.0,0.19327816013836807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751840173473491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874010376386009,0.0843704792161483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345091940605113,0.06930367261574774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010605730216616,0.0,0.0,0.07507532816107587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675234967808568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957586938203762,0.0,0.09036414163262976,0.06250040703943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761260454684462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888120900517928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423728275173469,0.1776582367709329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166729575734564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394823488225114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702422219594128,0.1720921036075678,0.0,0.07740015978374648,0.08869571416972624,0.0,0.08727309918300284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062134820994412,0.06789808618073115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785080944405974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895637778038868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305341464602095,0.0,0.0,0.07343106857565533,0.0,0.0,0.05014774058310922,0.13497183380762054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881555762728311,0.1534369216256165,0.0,0.09777025036329644,0.08195745837791668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415866482042588,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poorfromthegutter,2018/04/07,"I want to get killed in a shootout this year. I am tempted to attempt a heist with some family members ot on my own and I hooe I get gunned down I’m 16. I have been really thinking about this. You can read my recent post, it says it all. I want to be on tv. I want to die, I want to get gunned down to not have to sufer anymore",-1.5340240240240277,0.3061896216216198,1.0112612612612608,102.45701201201204,91.97297297297294,4.3699699699699694,16.33033033033033,5.82211442006289,-0.8421363363363366,248,6,66,2,9,84,47,74,0.119,0.807,0.07400000000000001,-0.802,0,0,0,3,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,10,15,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,11,0,14,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408341244064696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520317754915369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289299335790693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806249463664077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686688201383048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325756183603469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24290783147404105,0.0,0.15557087716401086,0.0,0.2397772918210109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931177967761645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560342172442826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5729382848764475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563823601356112
suicidewatch,ljdachiguy,2018/04/07,"I wish I was stronger I'm just not and I think about suicide daily. I sit up at night and cry. Today I didn't eat. I feel like I will eventually take my own life, I just don't want it to be a burden to anyone else. I feel like I've been a burden enough already. This hurts and life sucks. ",-1.3534999999999968,0.5491780153846157,1.1941346153846162,100.9727403846154,91.92307692307692,3.8653846153846163,14.278846153846152,5.148860815047168,-1.2881923076923076,221,4,57,1,8,75,45,65,0.35600000000000004,0.5670000000000001,0.077,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,11,14,3,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,10,2,5,9,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952900319920415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810833644072916,0.2316866248283019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248382162774142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137717417200945,0.18889421491470676,0.0,0.0,0.2336423685784375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866609597431106,0.3230802950494397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420660982795613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31943043559301154,0.22094158538477485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121982685092776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24733853995600635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700140720167432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488854266302928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433528644113695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337141338481864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600267993396393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnstoppableHeart,2018/04/07,"This might help your thoughts, worth a shot This is gonna be really like, anecdotal but here goes.

I suggest going to watch Ready Player One. 

I went to see the movie last night, and as gamer since I've been aware of myself, this movie has impacted be deeply. 
The whole theme of the movie is kind of wrapped around the idea that the world is sad and there is no place to go, so everyone just goes into the virtual world to escape. 

This movie really helped me to escape in the moment and even now thinking after, it has helped me be thankful for reality. 
Don't pay attention to reviews, don't read anything, don't google anything, just go see it. 

This isn't a movie about video games. That is NOT at all the theme of the movie. There is so much more beyond what the trailers have shown, and you will see once you watch it instantly. I shed some tears at the end. I don't want to spoil it but this may make you feel hopeful, thankful or actually maybe more depressed because you'll want the Oasis to be real.",3.80537313432836,5.130305159203979,4.019084577114427,90.11459701492538,72.03482587064676,7.350049751243782,23.84776119402985,7.793537801064563,0.9338382089552236,791,21,169,10,15,245,118,201,0.078,0.79,0.132,0.893,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,5,0,0,12,7,0,0,14,0,23,0,0,1,1,26,40,10,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,0,5,3,2,4,7,2,0,1,3,6,12,5,22,28,6,19,0,2,5,0,10,9,0,5,7,108,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.14693703310708028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478166647384145,0.13404144224986708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178759434580627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968786783404393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336253677053633,0.0,0.0,0.09945171173458156,0.0,0.0,0.14387846998037376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613397680428463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567214536423473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30277670495965064,0.0,0.0,0.14955246047025186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997801717675254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567980810412742,0.0,0.12273667867375508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356211451074084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050830848518423,0.0,0.1512703078277576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597336206061477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068810766076786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130208489158494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603547911985415,0.1020318182995892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157316207765771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061324034440954,0.17138446187718054,0.19292118966034905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599603473954595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455512242212673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27725384353664106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648077384898304,0.0,0.11953774056099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762311548162665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958220980044522,0.0,0.16810881150377455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Puzzlesque,2018/04/07,"hurt myself in my confusion i don't know what to do.

there's a group of people downstairs. i left right after they came in. i can still hear them talking. i can't stand it. they aren't my friends.

i don't want to live in this house anymore. a year ago, i did. a year ago, i lived somewhere else i didn't want to live anymore. i thought i'd be happy here.

i like the people i live with, but they aren't my friends. i talk to them, as well as i can, but how long is it supposed to take?

can you make someone like you? if you can, what am i doing wrong? if you can't, what am i supposed to do?
i never know what to say. my head feels like a cloud and my chest feels like a cave. i'm not interesting. i'm not funny. then what am i?

i go outside my comfort zone. i talk to people every day, and it's anything but comfortable. when does it start being comfortable?

how did everybody get to be so automatic? i work so hard to form every word. is it like this for anyone else? does it get easier? it's only gotten harder.

i know i need help. i was getting help for a while. i felt good. but ""you're not supposed to be medicated all your life.""

how else am i supposed to feel good? if i didn't make progress then, how will it ever happen?

i need help. i need someone to help me.

i don't know how this works. i don't know who i am, and i don't know how to be anyone else. it really hurts.

i hate myself for all my self pity. it all goes in circles. i can't find my way out.",-1.5247026338147798,0.4391791401869192,1.150554375531012,99.80768372982159,95.60436137071648,4.039677145284623,15.706669498725574,5.712786715810287,-0.8333308411214952,1108,27,276,9,44,378,137,321,0.12,0.703,0.177,0.972,0,0,0,0,0,3,54.0,0,5,5,3,14,21,1,1,7,0,35,4,2,8,5,48,66,24,0,8,10,0,5,5,2,1,2,2,0,1,19,6,0,0,12,0,0,2,16,6,1,0,9,7,55,15,27,51,4,26,0,3,0,0,24,7,0,4,20,178,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534812405994391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171179868257636,0.1210659410542694,0.17740594769359827,0.0712411621295107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990150027205489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055831607655546456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515190186969531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892783062951177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830909130820222,0.14588084234970308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131981234927054,0.12369373063043487,0.08312244257782096,0.0,0.07912499809315565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377021657468569,0.0,0.13569047643291388,0.0,0.04920071247122252,0.14522452915212133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655510001316515,0.09215722249713428,0.07755127080710009,0.0854716660479509,0.08884757682237296,0.0,0.09757263802851768,0.0,0.2321088384682885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989215970783397,0.1853536672719115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28546537151907303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406044419415446,0.0,0.06114817718820975,0.21147288589252636,0.0,0.30577771492786576,0.07661326188208498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155746117027932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721191595616593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257553532885655,0.06676945958599229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584170610710408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005382350578827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546007071525458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393178930766346,0.0,0.06884531900073347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031320097770637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146703901524376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127592014371772,0.0,0.0691362999964999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509117129599097,0.20874924574213696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872828802607422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212450547934304,0.06871661425303592,0.0,0.0,0.07783838728368637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260505093758337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465260278014427,0.0,0.11149871890991407
suicidewatch,Kai_Love,2018/04/07,"Done?. I think I've reached my limit. I've said those words before, things have turned around before... Things are just different now. I'm a burden to everyone I constantly hide behind this show of happiness. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I want to get off the ride. I don't have anyone to talk to. My friends have their own battles. My significant other doesn't seem to care. My co-workers all think I'm happy. This mask I wear everyday is wearing thin and I'm tired. I should have ended it in high school. 23 years is a good life right? ",0.13083333333333158,2.51865328703704,1.7925000000000004,94.23375,94.83333333333331,5.292592592592593,17.86111111111111,6.9077264865688965,0.2541555555555561,417,12,89,7,16,135,73,108,0.165,0.677,0.159,-0.1749,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,1,0,3,0,11,6,2,0,1,11,24,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,11,5,10,21,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127263575992495,0.0,0.0,0.15439755033800615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951677613955118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768326987838839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742602759028526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120692152970289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774883932086943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536155433619523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572847127338405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399860116658333,0.0,0.09061475964388163,0.0,0.0,0.1454724695806652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692582465131616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324790801488625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250514975479307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481160246673951,0.16498028000467,0.0,0.0,0.1755296060632758,0.0,0.1578924223862898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940376086834197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045043303030546,0.22226551560419247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986854117043936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886519122101731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229886165595596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262657141865863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168907959009684
suicidewatch,feelingsupercute,2018/04/07,"I can't do it anymore I'm ready to leave
Everything is a mess and I'm a piece of shit and i cant do anything right and I have no more in me

No more pain please",-4.3290000000000015,-3.4907218999999987,-0.6600000000000001,108.70000000000003,118.0,3.0,12.5,5.148860815047168,-1.60725,124,3,37,1,8,44,28,40,0.35700000000000004,0.527,0.116,-0.8583,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35716815194222257,0.0,0.0,0.29636954962018586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236760876910837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813427134483235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832208371011645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39533226229565294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30756279719151713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696847909184021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,not_me_please_help,2018/04/07,"I don't know if this is the proper sub for this kind of post. I had a daydream/vision/hallucination in which I killed all of my friends and then myself. I haven't had suicidal thoughts for almost 5 years now, but this last week has been really rough. I'm pretty shook up and I'd like any advice. If this is not the right sub for this, please let me know where I can post this.",2.545916666666667,3.588602425000005,3.6224999999999987,92.83916666666669,74.75,6.833333333333335,19.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.02933333333333321,294,5,70,3,6,95,57,80,0.054000000000000006,0.7490000000000001,0.196,0.9077,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,3,0,10,0,0,0,1,11,14,6,2,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,1,8,3,7,9,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771081761168055,0.0,0.0,0.2333423983647918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846602387376116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003571068429322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578093177402654,0.24266126065672985,0.2561305615613781,0.18994771478072767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23828540390859476,0.0,0.11384498665549506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557931415278721,0.0,0.0,0.44634998182249214,0.2370717445691699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928275518261386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900337415892974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254893190266947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499702692760106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691981775683947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500614382882993
suicidewatch,feuquedecissetheme,2018/04/07,"I think I need someone to talk to. Hi, I'm not feeling really well right now, and there's no one irl I could talk to about that kind of dark stuff. Just chitchatting with someone who knows what is deeply going on (I mean, we're not on r/KnittingWatch, right) would be helpful I guess.",2.316724137931036,4.052828258620689,2.768482758620692,95.8747931034483,76.75862068965517,6.019310344827588,21.944827586206888,6.742157984588678,0.25451999999999986,221,6,50,2,5,68,46,58,0.103,0.846,0.051,-0.2025,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,12,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,5,2,8,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675027994917096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826697085958612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293087594342584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576674444176768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567783760745714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435710685259224,0.1285454348848476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25478589192477386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734340372375165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849683135045425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984245978907762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994989917465441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963657669664803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677597729991297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37600024735769466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987380599650796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103043733298797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615599371929915,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopeingidie,2018/04/07,"I want to end my life 
I want to end my life I don't want to live anymore need  to  find  a  way  to  end  my  life im 55 years  old  lived  55 years time  to  end  it",-2.8887500000000017,-1.854960375000001,0.4050000000000011,109.97,90.25,4.0,12.5,3.1291,-2.067,115,1,39,0,4,41,21,40,0.0,0.888,0.112,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,4,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940678310781036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6409040850618334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534171187090488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540586616688516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38333059858709423,0.0,0.0,0.31948064490708755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341369960739934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898268623002569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548576900501597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32010314629097186,0.14359207467143528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299070458458185
suicidewatch,plaweebo,2018/04/07,"I feel so stuck. I can't really believe im writing this right now, but here i am, and i feel like im moreso just trying to lay it all out in words for myself, because my mind is so messed up and confused and i really dont know how to feel and/or what to do

im 17, and my a levels are going to shit. i havent even done my coursework thats overdue for 3 months. My teachers have given me so much extra time its crazy, now its due in a week and i still havent even fucking done the shit but at the same time i cant be arsed, i cant deal with it, its just too much but at the same time i have nowhere else to go

sometimes i have to ground myself because i feel so out of it sometimes, like i need to stroke a rough piece of metal or wood because it brings me back to earth and makes it all feel real again. Sometimes i take a look at my surroundings too closely and the 3D image of life overwhelms me. Its so surreal that i need to close my eyes and just listen to my own breathing to calm me down.

(I just want you to know that im not mental. This is only occasionally, i dont constantly feel like this, but moments like this do put me into existential issues and really make me feel strange.)

Moments like this cause numbness and the numbness leads to shit, like right now i have a strong desire for someone to beat me up so bad theres blood or for me to harm myself, i dont mean to be explicit but the sight of blood from myself is something i crave because it makes me feel human.

Im writing this slightly intoxicated because i know sober me would cringe at me writing about this. but now i just cant hold it in. i cant tell anyone i know so im just spilling it here. to be honest i need to hurry before i sober up.

sometimes i take moments where i just listen to music and think about things in too much depth, i think about how much i want to die but im scared of what happens after death. I am not religious, but i feel like there is not nothing, and i am terrified of whatever is to come. and even the thought of nothingness is not comforting to me. The idea of my ""soul"" or mental character just disappearing forever is something that is so horrifying to me for it is all i am. The idea of my mere presence not existing anymore is such a foreign concept for it is all i know. I know myself over anyone and everything, not that i think i am superior but i am the only one ever to know my thoughts

Anyway this is nonsense, i cant write anymore despite me having so much more to say. I just needed to write some jibberish thoughts. For anyone who reads this, please tell me what to do
Thanks

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suicidewatch,jr357159,2018/04/07,"The only thing keeping me alive is family The only thing keeping me alive is the thought of what my family would go through if I were to kill myself. With each passing day, it seems more and more likely that soon this won't be enough to stop me from acting. At a certain point, the constant sense of dread has to be more painful than the knowledge of what my death will do to them.

I can't enjoy anything in life. No matter what I do, depression looms in the background making sure I know that happiness is unattainable. I laugh at jokes; I watch tv shows; I play video games; I talk with friends; but it's all a show. I'm not actually happy. 

I'm convinced depression is the psychological equivalent of cancer. It slowly destroys you from the inside. Some people respond to treatment, others don't. I am one of those who's unlucky enough to not be treatable. I've tried meds, therapy, groups, etc. None of it works. ""It gets better"". Does it? I'm tired of the generic one-size-fits-all bullshit advice. I don't think it's going to get better for me. I think I'm staying alive - I use 'alive' purely in the biological sense, I can hardly call what I do 'living' - just for the sake of others. At some point I need to do what is right for myself.

So, I don't know when or how, but I do know that my life will end soon. And honestly, I think that's okay. It will hurt people around me, but they will move on eventually. And I won't hurt anymore.

Thank you for reading.",2.439050235478806,4.322057588435378,3.5900680272108865,89.46381475667191,76.85714285714286,6.155729984301415,22.872318158032442,7.010146845296331,0.6582311878597591,1137,34,238,12,26,368,156,294,0.187,0.703,0.11,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,2,2,3,7,24,2,1,13,1,28,5,0,3,4,39,50,11,2,3,8,0,1,1,1,7,5,0,0,0,24,7,0,3,9,8,0,5,10,8,0,1,2,2,33,16,34,38,11,24,0,4,1,0,11,11,0,5,8,161,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.11007537639206323,0.0,0.0,0.11022570091629667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186611898218904,0.0,0.0,0.09282381735388492,0.10041486408015787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952277867135054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518020635829193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189545134855442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274590695433679,0.0,0.1943069158734588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871100706918276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990627360033306,0.23310266710624974,0.12580050074714846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267337634527386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714808812456648,0.0,0.11786545516268783,0.0,0.12821233712631844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401528816546856,0.10104558631249504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415069384388051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005215471019724,0.12479518122469432,0.0,0.18597384373498946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934628411936486,0.055107805511935816,0.0,0.09960342417545656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529408790344735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529405977427807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198872938653682,0.0,0.08363889537949984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287079867890302,0.17157717025568614,0.1200258968401744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640099747003489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326268842777926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282934444754555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632957551793926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268780883179207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022853321054952,0.0,0.09430486388627808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631155244544792,0.0,0.0,0.09066341835872783,0.0,0.1038499979824739,0.1289952805957303,0.0,0.14987704700814414,0.21683078672790893,0.0,0.08954966292071248,0.0,0.12964564962137165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658299412136382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742196338197433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211888401256003,0.0,0.0,0.08012904500593113,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fallof_troy,2018/04/07,"Almost time I’ve been contemplating it for nearly 4 months now. I thought about overdosing on narcos mixed with alcohol for the drug-drug interaction, but from my research and lack of money, drug overdose isn’t very successful. I don’t have a gun, so that’s not an option. I didn’t think I had anything I could hang myself from until I discovered my coat rack in my closet can support my weight. I’m going to
finally follow through with it today after I get some more liquid courage. I just felt like like telling someone because I’ve shut out all my friends and can’t talk to anyone",5.9928944099378825,6.377797382608701,6.31105590062112,79.07652173913044,66.47826086956522,9.006211180124225,32.08074534161491,8.841846274778883,2.5775093167701866,469,18,88,7,7,151,88,115,0.051,0.742,0.207,0.9662,0,0,4,1,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,1,17,17,5,0,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,3,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,5,2,14,6,17,11,4,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,9,57,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780826127971987,0.18534402904214292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942141732859858,0.0,0.15231587174141256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283105163719408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778179994610113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6439477889443311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777184274380571,0.20276047225225727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300249000409412,0.0,0.09670351889784568,0.0,0.10519268897844856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808543038971543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477395672816133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682880500973342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004148593179314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877084347563793,0.16177955043359274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186002014078107,0.0,0.14694326694103696,0.10792929024997308,0.0,0.17544664107665175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272121347013567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22539356308929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BowDownToDaddyDahmer,2018/04/08,"It's the anniversary of my favorite musician's suicide I think I'd like to join him.  Today feels like a good day to go, it would be fitting to die on the same day that he did.  I wouldn't be alone anymore.


""What will be left of me when I'm dead?  There was nothing when I lived.""",0.1769398907103792,1.916645737704922,2.1094262295081982,98.04698087431696,83.42622950819674,5.3781420765027335,21.642076502732237,6.42735559955562,0.10650601092896128,214,7,53,2,6,71,45,61,0.18,0.61,0.21,-0.2168,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,12,2,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,6,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28255925326762066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705641420666842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518926746193232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831440987753106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794599492575474,0.1949026704269627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550498994359052,0.2288284814354397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964197402980787,0.0,0.0,0.26657215348444435,0.0,0.2409050680772003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26177815862683546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984208116409868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748120471102949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586014704964472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380350828211276,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,etherealfairy101,2018/04/08,"I just can't do this anymore. I know my problems probably seem stupid to most people, but it's too much for me and I'm tired. Exhausted. Waking up every day feels like torture. Every night, I wish that I didn't have to wake up. 

I'm 22F, I've been battling depression for three years now. I'm unemployed, I wasted my chance to get a degree from a good university because of my anxiety causing me to have to stop school. I tried going on meds and therapy for over a year, but that didn't help at all. It just made me feel worse. 

I hate my family, but I have no choice but to be stuck and dependent on them. Yes, I know that if I just get a job and try to fend for myself and be independent then I could make it. But I can't even get myself off my bed on most days, so that's out of the picture. I'm weak and tired and I know it and I hate myself for it. I hear them talk shit about me all the time, and how terrible of a person I am, and how selfish I am. I end up hating myself even more. My parents are divorced, so I live with my mom and brother. My dad is even worse than them, so there's really no win as to where I could possibly stay. 

I ended my engagement six months ago, mainly because I didn't feel that it was fair to be married to someone I didn't truly love. Someone I couldn't truly love. I ended up dating this other guy a month later, which made me feel like I could have a chance at happiness, but he screwed me over so hard. He gave me hope of a dream that I could really want, but after all the promises, he just dropped me. It just made my depression even worse. Waking up feels like I'm drowning, realizing that I've just been given up on again. That I'm completely worthless. 

To make it worse, my family (with me) just moved to another country less than a year ago. So I'm stuck here in a new country, with zero friends, no job, and no will to live. I've been dreaming of killing myself for years, but I'm finally at my limit. I'm just trying to find the easiest and fastest way to do it. ",2.147917110212191,3.2700827939110084,3.9645603576751154,89.68512170889221,75.86182669789227,7.330324320488255,23.47803562557661,7.898369717300924,0.978981889149102,1551,45,355,23,33,525,187,427,0.275,0.604,0.121,-0.9979,5,0,0,0,1,1,53.0,0,0,3,2,26,29,9,0,14,1,29,11,4,10,3,71,69,31,2,10,17,4,6,3,1,1,4,1,1,2,21,17,0,2,11,2,0,2,11,17,0,3,15,7,56,12,53,45,9,49,0,3,0,3,20,19,2,6,28,237,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866906266257262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820172026224919,0.05983568750171521,0.0,0.07757011240728871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953605496285608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035026600171112,0.0,0.0,0.08200889463028688,0.0,0.0,0.2497992079923625,0.0,0.0,0.10088681418395354,0.0,0.13473614212197324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783077871696967,0.0,0.0,0.20664600614285944,0.0,0.13180216416060025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747179806753755,0.0,0.19774398504530571,0.16763443157712365,0.0,0.08568275220501455,0.0714887974315464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060430155738032225,0.0,0.1225952507661632,0.0,0.04445244678808067,0.0656045952407154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744699341415544,0.0,0.08326330704229701,0.07006694752473352,0.2316688821797501,0.0,0.0,0.0881560912857156,0.0,0.05242711575106603,0.0,0.0,0.07768699534175352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552363385560264,0.0,0.08653537213558632,0.0,0.12895783007932493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463842780030135,0.0,0.13813384927872885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118754858867516,0.22203206610464354,0.10442072926843214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688130408996975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160664675021822,0.12486391054088325,0.08313214891117239,0.05749839539376925,0.0,0.0,0.07554233544756905,0.0,0.07340122908199276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685057204564592,0.0,0.0,0.05422572564752296,0.06829594939957398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817776278964902,0.0,0.0,0.08433100944138709,0.07484297621864887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021545292763878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915964300144092,0.0,0.07120569611616301,0.0,0.0,0.0802884877357272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254579148483844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083368770817826,0.0,0.06539280131258833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286775314369579,0.0,0.0,0.0894478015940975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045608882882489855,0.1797975599000972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593123507778104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461343334025377,0.0620849066022528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994553442810843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188386700392034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014763860251459
suicidewatch,I_loved_a_bad_boy,2018/04/08,"I have everything going for me and it still isn’t enough. The guilt is immeasurable. I have a great career, an amazing wife, pets that love me unconditionally, but I still think about killing myself every single day. I haven’t. I don’t know if I ever will. But living with this pain every day and burying it is getting to be too much. I don’t know what to do. ",0.7558295281582943,3.184848205479452,2.7678538812785405,89.66523592085238,87.4931506849315,4.888280060882801,17.700152207001523,6.42735559955562,-0.12279482496194838,281,7,59,3,9,94,49,73,0.172,0.728,0.1,-0.8132,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,3,0,11,2,0,0,1,10,17,5,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,10,3,5,15,3,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30685172597010685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581436511158866,0.0,0.0,0.21519423169149435,0.40088213595021294,0.0,0.21380924138206145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429296665318045,0.0,0.1352040911475866,0.0,0.0,0.2622856650133097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632011775974347,0.0,0.2614873116787977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007011872129427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471409975801428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488392323420204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531424457298753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799746034897774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243675769662088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Corprustie,2018/04/08,"Withdrawing from my medication Hello…

I’m not really at risk, but I do feel quite awful to the extent that it’s overriding my fear of posting. So…

Basically I’ve been severely depressed for years, with no drug or treatment making any real difference, until recently having to work and function independently pushed me so close to cracking completely that I came urgently under the care of a psychiatrist (I live in the UK so that is uh… serious? I mean that the waiting lists are huge and it’s uncommon for them to be too involved in a “mundane” condition like depression). 

So, through a combination of them being extremely reasonable and kind, and my being a pharmacist, I was able to get on Nardil, which changed my life (it was like a genuine happy pill and felt like it gave me therapy too—it’s indescribable how effective it was and how thoroughly my thought processes changed). 

Anyway, it’s a few months later and I have to come off it due to bad liver results. I’m down from 75mg to 30mg and it feels like a negative dose: I’m crying before I’m conscious, all I can do is be cocooned in bed, and I get into a terribly upsetting state when I’m Skyping with my girlfriend where I want to talk and be happy but I can barely say a word. The most minor and irrational things cause rumination and a plummeting mood, and I’m already stuffing myself with eBay lithium to take the edge off hahaha (it does stop the tears). 

It feels like Flowers for Algernon in that I’m watching my capacity to be a happy or content person flow down the drain in front of me. I have hope, in that after a fortnight of no drug, I’m being started on Parnate instead, but in the meantime, this is ridiculous. 

I’m not sure I’ll be able to respond to any comments but I am very grateful and, again, am really more just very sad than actively at any form of risk. 

Thanks for your time!",6.3095787545787525,6.302403401098903,7.346373626373628,73.26529304029306,65.8131868131868,10.889377289377286,35.46520146520146,10.608840637214634,3.8270893772893775,1474,66,274,36,21,499,200,364,0.151,0.674,0.174,0.8673,1,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,2,3,13,25,1,4,21,1,25,7,1,8,2,54,53,27,0,2,9,0,4,5,1,0,6,1,1,1,19,21,0,2,9,0,0,5,5,11,0,0,8,6,26,13,49,37,6,39,0,3,1,0,11,20,0,4,17,182,45,1,0.21962712426550676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118199650070036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240309637533188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168973746529444,0.0,0.0,0.09344325322394616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559746041311792,0.11196224528460658,0.1128087778482048,0.2323363759554785,0.09459466022006087,0.11513743060574128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206250415552033,0.0,0.0,0.1891645203071032,0.0,0.0,0.11473179980345395,0.0,0.0,0.09609858824290878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254697737150844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357078738692034,0.16657510962803468,0.15690166145885245,0.10543824071362567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474610765346273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35069573659561953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906964513366718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435392639503635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756456650721909,0.2682467978039272,0.0,0.0969673872409438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330140543989762,0.0,0.0,0.1196191621114413,0.0,0.11062561087607266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765213761186957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588496674777287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517103725089283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680024054672895,0.0,0.1249918749553898,0.14069875967841194,0.11290663129541675,0.10842764459924673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732815220161176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405806802226595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772660448486526,0.0,0.0,0.09180905506879686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034979827199942,0.0,0.08256613225740045,0.08826398157850439,0.0,0.10110157409446932,0.1255813786456408,0.0,0.07295525116770532,0.0,0.0,0.08717970203948475,0.06403317117688223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812153787322216,0.06477088411718586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994558110585717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707163336344332
suicidewatch,ThePropeller,2018/04/08,"i cannot do this anymore i'm so isolated watching people just go about their day interacting with people is like watching some kind of higher evolved species. i'm so jealous of other people and i hate myself beyond the way which words can convey. i'm so fucking ugly i can't look in the mirror without getting emotional and i just wish i had something, better looks, money, social skills, so people would like me. all i've ever wanted was to be popular. to be the kind of person who could post on social media and get tons of likes and have people just message me out of the blue to see how i'm doing or if i want to do anything and that is something i have NEVER had and never will. i'm a virgin fucking loser who's never had a real girlfriend and barely any real friends, i was pulled out of school at a young age and was like home educated so i was basically alone just doing my own thing. i just want to be *loved* by other people and it's all i've ever wanted and i don't think i'm asking for much but the truth is i don't deserve it. i'm not getting into this incel mentality. the world doesn't owe me shit, not even my next breath. so as far as i'm concerned i should just fuck off and die and leave a fancy tip in my pocket for whatever unfortunate person has to deal with my dead body after i'm gone. people wouldn't even FAKE miss me. i've heard in the news about local people dying and people who i know would've never known them personally acted all sad and shit like they knew them and hey if that's how they felt but something just tells me they're just going along with the fucking crowd.

i cannot, and i WILL NOT go on living like this. and i know it'll never happen. people whose faces probably look like rotting avocados are not exactly social media darlings, most of the time anyways. so i don't think i'll do well there, and they probably don't get invited to that many parties either. i guess i don't know what i'm asking suicidewatch. but it seems like the further and further i go down this fucking hole the more i just wanna fucking jump off a cliff because that's exactly what's fitting.",2.7741794087665643,4.4125161834862405,4.370489296636084,85.29956167176351,75.23853211009174,6.4040774719673825,23.120285423037714,7.054809383877858,0.8348401630988787,1680,48,333,17,36,563,202,436,0.091,0.779,0.13,0.9039,1,1,3,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,6,3,28,30,10,0,16,0,39,13,5,2,13,88,90,36,3,12,21,0,1,8,2,6,0,1,1,3,22,26,0,0,9,0,2,8,20,14,1,0,11,9,38,16,41,69,10,42,0,3,7,8,28,19,8,7,21,224,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997153643508554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594295354431935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700112810220292,0.0,0.0,0.05559592604131863,0.0,0.12631851146448908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041183802648191915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059751117562213324,0.0,0.07504366313734434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053940970997460064,0.0,0.0,0.043570456140831035,0.06965114605338714,0.0,0.0,0.14023272920438756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599563674035859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924516865909153,0.12222334163552985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648679644154203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219650301112009,0.3747474570340131,0.1411887447608164,0.0,0.1535830741647705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442469242941158,0.0,0.05974287267633757,0.0,0.0,0.06670127609080312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776794779774338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070618739370153,0.11138723181887636,0.0,0.0,0.07153603101411449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640502894088509,0.0,0.05965650586001255,0.0,0.17019954919835126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060975321137583915,0.0,0.0,0.0684949927483226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808434788662647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966419714878561,0.0,0.2605312593170029,0.0,0.07185057124228636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683743103875161,0.17697172967429367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470357486761563,0.0,0.14568169598371095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537955952593034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837408399534348,0.053836381753501916,0.0615038681655602,0.0,0.0,0.13869824562502864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660600205279986,0.0,0.15603241183050925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905020808450904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488370257920273,0.08657913256930012,0.0,0.0,0.039394639375576516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939398751845682,0.053625792865036256,0.0,0.0,0.060744337869338826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769038986041914,0.06512519779472456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598503028435924,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustAnotherOnion,2018/04/08,"I keep pushing away help, how do I get better? Ive been going through depression for a couple of years now and for the past year I’ve been suicidal. Very recently I’ve considered self harm, but don’t have the guts to do it.

I tend to push away people’s support, and even tried to get professional help, but saw it as pointless. What are some of the best ways to get better or at least help myself? I just seem to be running out of reasons to stay alive and as much as I want to end it all, I have not figured out a means of doing so yet.

I would just like some advice so it doesn’t hurt as much.",3.57015625,3.5725782031250013,4.754687499999998,89.4715625,71.65625,7.9625,25.375,7.6454224807358475,0.9873875,462,12,109,5,8,153,80,128,0.086,0.688,0.226,0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,0,0,5,0,13,1,1,2,1,22,24,13,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,3,1,9,5,23,19,7,18,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,4,8,76,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595887571888039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068781550484456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138818910982634,0.2888762966741988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070406855611287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066229091608387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446479170166427,0.0,0.0,0.1078674963336855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559748046309544,0.0,0.0928152298790959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283982200258497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748312409788611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451611748691937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978707433877509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789705334532474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401094730102827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590189410735114,0.1132215109627026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791420919575653,0.1612530813199465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486751243464696,0.17037233992832307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407121963574332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863924023126773,0.18532703166187087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087962927000956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475132799912745,0.09632695317063047,0.1296312193068169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601373001867335,0.0,0.0,0.21033799526584845
suicidewatch,hightimes141,2018/04/08,"Shit I'm nearly killed myself Fuck man I'm only 18 and I've tried to kill myself 3 times, nothing seems to help. Just a minute ago I tried to hang myself with a belt but I backed out cuz I was scared, I don't know anymore man my life wasn't supposed to go like this. ",-2.1020000000000003,-0.3485338666666635,0.12333333333333485,104.86500000000002,104.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,11.0,3.1291,-2.0573,208,3,52,0,10,68,43,60,0.26,0.6659999999999999,0.073,-0.8815,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,2,0,3,3,1,1,0,8,9,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,1,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,1,4,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828653068563186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421468490753276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935171224183928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22765495331128024,0.0,0.0,0.13995003937495815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505676163689928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448801860305815,0.0,0.1353330333974621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393426589507746,0.12030573225826993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362843429155158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728487656745266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246540071050382,0.0,0.0,0.2241775356638043,0.0,0.0,0.25277297048547953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359085756700835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343763410904079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,facelessfailure,2018/04/08,"The inevitable truth I am going to end my own life. I don't know when, where, or how. Like many people before I feel as though I will continue to live my life and maybe even be successful, but I will never feel happy again, that was taken from me in some way or another. I am not even sure how it happened. I might do it tonight, I might do it in 34 years. I don't know how long I will last, but I am trying my hardest. I wish I could be strong enough to not feel this way. I wish I could believe others when they tell me positive things. I make myself unattractive, I make myself fail at things. The more effort I put into something, the more disappointed I am with the results. I can't see anything positive in myself, only in others. I feel doomed to commit this attrocity. I need help. I have been reaching out, but nothing seems to make a difference for more than a few minutes at a time, now I spend all my time at the bars whether I am drinking or not. ",3.322008701957942,4.213143568527922,4.453187092095722,88.19818527918783,72.70558375634519,7.252936910804932,25.2389412617839,7.447530270364453,1.0395195068890497,741,22,161,8,14,243,110,197,0.121,0.7090000000000001,0.17,0.8058,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,11,9,0,0,8,0,22,4,0,7,5,41,39,15,0,5,10,0,4,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,10,4,2,0,7,2,1,2,7,3,0,0,3,5,35,6,19,27,8,27,1,3,1,0,3,10,0,7,14,125,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064570145664326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037654229889723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141336970852076,0.1511171831507217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418180398757608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013600803714713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139512303091885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879827126621442,0.13859086562745154,0.0,0.17718156409790775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712781279658231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622846622495254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860962093007715,0.14278256085452334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990368159831881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742731922810365,0.10933284264445918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894782219763672,0.06552853782018063,0.0,0.11843815385984192,0.11869973324426628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859596971694416,0.13598551193713646,0.13475036917426084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28457883976448306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945477719896888,0.10344836973420107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870016424335062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201096728252164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929879949185182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483645203672084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688325729872214,0.12210578705131225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325887363047437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641477047448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723444961694728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782183785402774,0.0,0.1317808272788962,0.0,0.15642311906654927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106462469418293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293033558180444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30848291280455786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637452489657689
suicidewatch,BrianLopez331,2018/04/08,"I Hate my life This is my first post on reddit I’ve always read through reddit but never thought it would come to the point where I would actually create an account and post on reddit so anyways I’m a 17 year old male turning 18 in 3 months and I just hate my life right now I have no job I have some friends but there not really my friends cause they never include me in their plans and even though they act cool around me I could tell they could give 2 fucks if I’m out of their life my brother was recentally kicked out of my apartment by my dad because my dad drinks everyday after work and one day he snapped about it to him and my dad kicked him out it’s not just that though my dad has never really been a good dad he has always been in and out of me and my brothers life and whenever he was out it wasn’t for nothing serious and it would be for his own selfish reasons there’s been multiple times where we needed him where we lived in the ghetto with no water and electricity dirt poor and even then he didn’t show up and he even had a kid with some 20 year old in Brazil that he denies is his but I’m pretty sure it is his and life has been getting even worse because I don’t think I’m gonna graduate high school cause my gpa is low and I overheard my dad saying on my 18th birthday he’s gonna kick me out to so that just makes me paranoid and feel worse there’s even been multiple friends that my dad kicked out of his life that claims he’s been doing Cocain so now I really can’t trust him and my mom can’t help me either don’t get me wrong she’s one of the few that cares about me but she’s suffered with anxiety and depression her whole life and recently lost her job after not having one for years before that so I don’t think she will be getting one anytime soon and my grandma also lives with us but she has disabilities and only gets her retirement check which is only enough for one person to live so if she gets kicked out to she can’t worry about us so now you can see that after high school I basically meet a dead end to my life I’ve envisioned what my future will look like and I can only come up with either homeless or dead and I’ve just been really depressed lately thinking about it and I never thought it would come to this point but I’m actually contemplating suicide it’s crazy that I’m even thinking about it because i have always been strong and told myself no matter what happens in my life I will not resort to suicide but I’ve reached my breaking point I’ve even given up my belief in god because I ask myself if he was real why can’t he just make everyone have a good life or atleast just pop up for 1 second to let us know he is here so yea as time keeps going I have No Job,Dead Broke,Dad doesn’t care about me,On the road to not graduate high school,friends that don’t care about me,on the verge of being kicked out and being homeless, and one big thought of suicide so there you go any responses will help but I don’t know how much longer I can make it.",4.018220202485047,4.378261344339624,4.745919619573557,88.66559364933273,70.77672955974845,7.777205092805643,25.57508820371223,7.590005382236693,1.0388434269059663,2389,64,534,25,41,770,248,636,0.16899999999999998,0.74,0.091,-0.9961,3,0,1,0,0,4,7.0,5,2,5,5,46,24,3,0,11,2,59,13,0,7,5,107,107,53,5,10,26,10,1,1,3,10,10,1,0,3,26,46,2,1,12,3,3,6,25,11,0,8,20,5,80,13,64,70,9,76,1,5,2,1,64,39,1,7,29,348,106,9,0.0,0.0,0.10721982576434852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393254642331658,0.13713422971936975,0.0,0.0,0.03735857393565785,0.0,0.042026125983232215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890496214374771,0.05135803301627147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395465615416502,0.0,0.04674675267030107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803368487784512,0.11286944439895788,0.0,0.1419682973143262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772434498473611,0.0,0.0,0.03542937450848403,0.0,0.09463312480784003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381666830458101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486572637736872,0.056763892551493285,0.0,0.2539943976364378,0.0,0.0,0.052493997450236314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02777744845900596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672879633283788,0.0,0.0,0.16977462409269287,0.05078773239694479,0.14350977008208332,0.05269991340028177,0.06244314077364794,0.09215593903174353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857999657889901,0.0,0.0,0.10847646318764392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364529976959455,0.17412967987063274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354742947870973,0.04882991557006678,0.0,0.0,0.06038311738606505,0.0,0.06197054935835158,0.0,0.0,0.056176097955224366,0.3880313967453887,0.026839105615229102,0.0,0.14552930186112412,0.0,0.04613266345917828,0.0,0.05996947076800385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001123844453993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434074108558982,0.04384963768486636,0.0,0.0403845081345974,0.040734576994638144,0.1694810727282509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052712870082702215,0.0,0.1152928299326896,0.0,0.22335758826427146,0.12534461545534906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047968265987228316,0.0,0.0,0.15579770684012678,0.0,0.10522759636083832,0.05588997616674103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054951175500335465,0.06252954667934722,0.14077442496446274,0.056483675235005124,0.10848595505459947,0.0,0.0,0.04691530768061862,0.0,0.04368755786294695,0.0,0.166795432715846,0.04377712560918246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027421641883268,0.0,0.05177682104551135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480167554424432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080387418954915,0.10794928924268833,0.13083987859487206,0.06406760707542827,0.0,0.0,0.052493997450236314,0.0,0.0,0.05975492878472876,0.0,0.0,0.19824484663040415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957147403557882,0.06133442705948404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039994287207471585,0.05579048841562822,0.11196958433050233,0.15610071072750914,0.06006422979595796,0.0,0.10613154542800722
suicidewatch,Livlafluv73,2018/04/08,"Confused about life So, my question is, if you were not suppose to be born, does that mean you're doomed for life?
My mother had me at 28, against her Dr wishes because she had heart disease. Well, she wanted a child, and thus had me! At 3yrs old, I lost my mother to her battle of heart disease and have lived a shitty life since!!!
I had an abusive stepmother, with a jealous streak! My father was no better and at age 12 I went to live with my grandmother. Every decision I've made since has caused me sadness, loneliness, anger, and grief. The only good thing out of my life are my 3 children. And to this day, I don't know what to do. I'm 44yrs old, and wish I could grab my mother by her shoulders and shake her!! And ask her why she would do this to me!! Leave me in this place called a world to suffer!!! Why couldn't she have listened to the Dr and not had children!! Then she would be alive, and I, non existant. I'm so confused, angry and upset!!! Also, helpless, because I don't know how to change things!!! And I'm to much of coward to commit suicide!!! Idk, I just don't know.",1.4227413127413122,3.3306543243243247,2.6715958815958807,94.73743243243246,80.08108108108108,5.12947232947233,20.93178893178893,5.916634753146586,-0.023448133848134045,828,23,183,5,21,266,124,222,0.258,0.675,0.067,-0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,1,0,2,7,16,3,4,7,0,23,9,3,4,1,39,38,18,2,8,4,4,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,3,7,15,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,13,1,0,10,2,32,3,25,22,1,15,1,6,0,0,22,7,0,4,6,118,39,0,0.0,0.15094231159782925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187778162781698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909718189449135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553176894893165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267057589902925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300845975479712,0.0,0.0,0.13086981685663446,0.13476707908023627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017145873549337,0.0,0.0,0.08215927309576139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148427350621044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733583062835468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106852930193451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192751355023106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100389761541155,0.0,0.0,0.1348929717255741,0.0,0.0,0.3599315871331565,0.0,0.0,0.2249843398953305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390667544824101,0.0,0.0,0.12054428389320684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387705649921418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936500256834581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26735936583229075,0.0,0.0,0.0968896820331311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331007206559238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271162036899218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107650164114752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934951608523347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927123121384474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514090573221559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454345641681912,0.1180964948179226,0.22990844910757824,0.0,0.29299605846800764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099558771539603,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wraith_Of_Night666,2018/04/08,"Life really pisses me off... İam bored from that bullshit called life. Why everything should go wrong ? my family behaves so weird , school issues ,social life proplems and depression... iam really tired . Why i should try something doesnt working its called living. İ dont want to live as a human i prefer be a ghost. İ have serious anger issues now and it increases everday and depression too. İ know there are people worst than me but i hate failure , i dont want to lose...
İ would prefer to die than failure...",2.3103333333333325,5.157229568421054,3.396447368421054,84.81221491228072,84.89473684210526,6.535087719298246,21.600877192982455,7.793537801064563,1.4435087719298236,399,13,70,8,12,128,68,95,0.371,0.629,0.0,-0.986,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,3,0,2,0,9,5,1,0,0,12,14,6,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,10,2,4,0,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,38,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090643723636959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606929910055361,0.0,0.15706410475155086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35473210694583784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601210341092138,0.0,0.1426672291551425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600840968274469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941413854562902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31591340457079314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317095895108582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320681787567573,0.0,0.0,0.26726701359001603,0.0,0.0,0.16930759922693914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491814880450684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390095157266665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316131051380785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426920155196214,0.0,0.11650675851695758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393983131646065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027480144384546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852518520036767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731165405586965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101752729440299,0.0,0.0,0.10750559399860626,0.1654634542581953,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4cuts,2018/04/08,"Suicide as a plan B? Like I’ve chosen my method and bought most of the required materials, but I don’t have an exact date set. I am just waiting for something particularly bad to happen for motivation.

No one would be upset except maybe my parents, but I refuse to make fear of disappointing them my only reason to live.

I guess I’m kind of looking for a reason why I shouldn’t just go on for a month or two and then kill myself?
",5.514204545454548,5.16889019318182,6.8285454545454565,77.4528181818182,67.52272727272728,8.85818181818182,28.963636363636365,8.238735603445708,1.8571518181818176,339,10,69,4,5,116,66,88,0.314,0.639,0.047,-0.9843,1,0,2,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,1,3,2,7,1,2,5,0,6,0,0,4,1,20,14,7,2,2,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,3,5,0,2,1,1,10,2,13,10,1,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,3,4,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823453115310107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457478268026353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411524190364595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405796017488427,0.0,0.19312026757029815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416145661684972,0.22741806127637615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669361100803118,0.0,0.19284108476688253,0.0,0.18339137378277967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577604844444336,0.0,0.21940064512532956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431565168615626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798572885651615,0.16609432811794667,0.0,0.0,0.24249463275451802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490795900745711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812617010453712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23888162043739025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333387367377776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706169213200947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513695526228408,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puszle,2018/04/08,"How does one go about preparing (what to leave behind etc.) What if I forget something? To make it easier for myself I’ve decided not to directly have letters for everyone. Just one letter. Nothing too direct or too cryptic. Should I delete social media beforehand? I don’t like the idea of having said something out of context that I wouldn’t be able to defend later. I feel like I’m forgetting something important. What clothes will I bring, does it matter?",3.1561176470588244,6.1054609058823575,4.245000000000001,79.76750000000001,81.11764705882355,7.164705882352942,26.14705882352941,8.238735603445708,2.386435294117647,367,15,59,8,10,119,63,85,0.038,0.826,0.13699999999999998,0.7987,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,15,13,3,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,2,7,2,11,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,42,13,0,0.21749236741774589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380658072764939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425614811816865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782327749830076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997067588086218,0.1553765907402675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360592451707897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455224095526861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302930136766421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125115695129768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517784410725632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868979233891397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29475691381794944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688504666526986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170607912271964,0.0,0.5023087504616112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A9KS49MA36VV7,2018/04/08,"I'm sure I'm gonna kill myself Hopefully today I will but I'm a coward so I might not. But it doesn't matter. Ill kill myself one day. Tomorrow today a year from now, it doesn't matter. I've excepted that ill never change and I'm to sick to ever live a life that makes me fill fulfilled. I'm not happy with any thing in life. Money means nothing to me. Objects mean nothing to me. My own life or feelings mean nothing to me. I've only stayed around this long cause im just a fucking pussy. To scared of not existing. Just as scared of living. I will either kill myself or live a life of nothing. Just pain. Day after day of this fucking insanity. I just really hope i can bring myself to do it. I don't want to live this monotony. The same thing over and over till I die a sad old man. I would rather die than that. I want to go walk a couple blocks to the highway and walk into traffic. My only options left in life are to live with my parents till they die cause I'm to fucked up to even work or to kill myself now. That I truly believe. Those are my options and i hope I have the balls to choose the right one. I think my last thought will be what evil being makes a person to just have them be born so sick in the head they can't even enjoy existence. So sick nothing can make them happy or whole. So sick they can't work or live a normal life... So sick they just burn and break everything they touch. ",0.3762253406548695,2.5085139664429548,2.1076571079926802,96.03568537726255,85.51006711409396,4.685946715476917,17.419564775269475,5.941861826196647,-0.4679521252796421,1094,25,247,8,33,358,137,298,0.319,0.61,0.071,-0.9985,1,0,0,0,0,4,30.0,0,0,7,2,18,19,8,2,14,0,20,18,1,5,3,57,46,20,7,8,19,1,2,0,0,6,14,0,0,2,14,9,0,1,7,1,1,5,9,12,0,2,1,2,34,7,37,36,4,35,0,1,0,3,10,10,3,11,18,158,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985466474437654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526321096228523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259750366959343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506232095498483,0.07755436081552959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111831856338804,0.0,0.14184049888511852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282588023187112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684375122427198,0.06631488891216662,0.0,0.0,0.06588808621493566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03706874311538293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332725034989005,0.0,0.0,0.04166489136091951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608394556127772,0.0,0.0,0.07523924858101019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184460331172365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791895257394165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32443540362081563,0.0,0.0,0.059759053757148274,0.0,0.0,0.07965368775912565,0.0,0.31069454463146445,0.0,0.0,0.3884149629086615,0.06487880099276601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680896064748644,0.0,0.0,0.23957473608746696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777243220015402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654272347183654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718301810882806,0.35172414105168104,0.0,0.07692859734989033,0.0,0.09935619866188433,0.11151413848222744,0.07800912243594474,0.0,0.08140428503669757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401319877148136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696553576478279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260803583736496,0.0,0.0,0.14679617558243527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814082305924952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909567959417598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741045239565962,0.04697536069309905,0.0,0.05820152819338259,0.0,0.0,0.13898238197132826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648261808349235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185021472193807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067439985184056,0.0,0.0,0.05207873173292362,0.0,0.0,0.04721051563003759
suicidewatch,KaasStok,2018/04/08,"Still wanting to end it all. Hey reader,

I have not done this for years, but I've noticed that some thoughts just won't go away. I have some deep questions and wonder if anyone can shine some light on it.


Who am I:
I'm 24 and living in the Netherlands. Had a nice youth on a small school and lot of friends. When I was about 12/13 I started getting these very negative emotions.
The darkness in the future, the helplessness, the sadness. But it was mostly at night and could very well hide it from others. My parents aren't very good emotional helpers
and didn't notice anything. 


This continued growing older. I have to add that I have a brother who was very difficult at home. He was like depressed 24/7 since I knew him. (Now I know it's probably he's a bit autistic, just like my father.) I always tried to be the happy one, but that changed on my 18th. I started smoking a lot of weed and just didn't accept my parents anymore. 


What is going on now?
I just feel trapped inside a sick joke. On the one hand my social anxiety prevents me to get actual help. The depression just pumps these negative feelings in me all day. Also suicide related of course. My autistic side keeps me angry for years, it feels like the first day I was angry. But then everyday. 


I want to keep doing my job, it's going very well. But I also want to put a knives in my wrists or heart. I want to have a girlfriend to share this with, but also wants to just disappear and never come back. I want to tell my close friends how I truly feel, but I also want to punch some of them to death.


Yes I'm afraid of death, who isn't? But the situation I'm in keeps giving me stress and I can't tell anyone about it. On top of that, 3 of my friends are in the same position.. but did tell everybody. All of them have been hospitalized and 2 of them have now been alienated from our friend group. We just can't recognize them anymore. The other one is babling for a year now how it all comes because of his OCD/ADHD and his parents. 


I don't want to be a pathetic person who thinks he's important. Man.. the circles I went threw. How can I break this? Do I need to search for help? I only want to do that if I'm 100 procent sure I have something. But on the other hand I can ""play"" the human role very well. 


I think I can never unseen the emotions and deep depth I have been in. It will always be with me, doesn't matter how much weed I smoke. 


Sorry for the long text and English, but just wanted to write this off of me.


PS: no I don't feel like committing suicide right now, but It's something that has been following me for years. It's so scary.",1.8091962616822383,3.7664730691588773,3.0738411214953274,92.08253738317758,79.05607476635514,5.9996261682243,22.662616822429904,7.003673034542,0.6203390654205605,2032,64,438,23,50,657,242,535,0.181,0.652,0.166,-0.9696,4,1,3,0,0,2,71.0,2,0,4,2,30,27,0,2,27,1,48,5,4,4,8,94,90,38,4,14,24,5,7,4,5,2,1,0,1,3,33,19,0,4,13,2,0,11,16,7,3,4,18,9,58,20,57,66,14,66,0,4,1,0,43,26,0,12,32,302,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.06478660142480584,0.0,0.07978730986242033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236672262159856,0.11048280942684552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078780634261529,0.0,0.13168114252228985,0.0928422016476148,0.0,0.05463292386314954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237514590786955,0.051049448185308884,0.0,0.040470439377184975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248016860988718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023131649575759,0.11437739774329285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300663504405758,0.0,0.0,0.08563150513063242,0.0,0.11436240443039468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793953594368113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224037845842262,0.058801415354951925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678426978483387,0.09485738252832583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647089764406488,0.0,0.0,0.2051695351065723,0.0,0.06937157533016591,0.06368688365694221,0.1131920942095168,0.05568438531228714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067288586579168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786719089990024,0.08899900086518404,0.0,0.06659410852594541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588136135056633,0.17703018570079054,0.0,0.0,0.036485947733922164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297382774647475,0.0,0.058623168542410314,0.05875264212706679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288400327294583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880394112938313,0.049226992958557765,0.10240739181973844,0.0,0.0,0.06230207362152108,0.0,0.0,0.15116983274613155,0.0,0.0,0.1349617847531966,0.05049222681446439,0.0,0.0,0.22115313876889173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057968774103100036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157913872158075,0.0,0.0,0.06673981141890672,0.07437146405606823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669629320433059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718974556434233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491810268075562,0.07462460981870407,0.0,0.06767576201795507,0.0,0.10221980257311697,0.0,0.07431763994501396,0.09398169765311644,0.0,0.053018761920561416,0.0,0.0760489787275665,0.0,0.0,0.14523873388820704,0.0,0.06257134339112913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408211817462171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507945625873267,0.0,0.05270586855597823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450741308245646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32866987526946817,0.3915826304371564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907647316459602,0.0615437565405649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199660990742786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710107145633079
suicidewatch,TocTheElder,2018/04/08,"I've come to the end of the road. 23M. I'm tired. I'm so tired of all of this. I can't keep going when everyday just hurts me more. Everyday, I go to sleep and there's just one thing less to wake up to, and everyday, I just seem to be more exhausted than the day before. These last few months, I've just been grinding down to what I know will be my last day. 

I've always been a social outsider. I've tried so hard to make friends, but I always seem overbearing to people who just never seem interested in being friends with me. People don't like me and they think I'm a complete prick. Everyday, there's just one more embarrassing that I've done to make a complete fool out of myself. I've only ever had one girlfriend, and she wound up cheating on me. It's been nearly a year since I last had sex.

Yesterday, I discovered that my boss and his fuckbuddy have been guessing what variation of autism I have. For months now, I've suspected that I have some sort of autism and I feel disgusting. People look at me like there's something wrong with me and now I know why. People see me as some charity case, and they look down at me. I know I'm weird and creepy and nobody likes me but it's got to be too much now. Nobody is interested in anything I have to say anymore, and I'm tired of rattling off whatever new fascinating thing I've learned about today only to discover nobody except me actually gives a single shit.

I feel completely trapped. I have no money and I am thousands of pounds in debt. I am addicted to painkillers. Nothing makes me happy except the brief fleeting joy I get from films and TV and my dog. I love her. But I can't leave, and I think I've seen too much of this wonderful world to be satisfied with this place. 

The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I am too much of a coward. Years of self harm have scared me out of anything so drastic. So now I'm trapped in this endless misery with no exit. I try to fill my time with writing this book I'm trying to get going, but that's not enough. It's not real. It doesn't need me.

Ultimately I think that's what I want. To be needed. But nobody needs me and nobody wants me. So I just wanted to put this here, just to show that I tried to reach out, or something. I don't know. I feel like a shitty person just posting this but I feel completely trapped. I'm sorry.",2.1975044091710783,3.915533306584365,3.636437389770723,89.60111111111112,77.04526748971193,6.768489124044683,22.682539682539684,7.62386473244151,0.8581379188712526,1841,54,398,26,42,606,211,486,0.214,0.6970000000000001,0.09,-0.9965,1,3,2,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,2,0,29,24,5,2,12,0,31,12,4,5,3,83,78,30,1,6,20,0,5,4,3,1,6,1,0,2,24,25,0,1,18,4,2,7,11,13,0,4,9,10,57,11,60,62,13,54,0,1,4,2,16,20,2,9,30,257,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.07578801232726677,0.08466427575420134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924389208023546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702095675084089,0.0,0.0,0.12782027814873648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047342723510013014,0.0,0.06608560389611252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689991016267721,0.3257132589076968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017258852473028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947634656503237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878648198507792,0.08024677447044834,0.0,0.0,0.07025074783587025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570752491881894,0.055482555947412575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000468394598378,0.0,0.08115156051805948,0.07450155151724733,0.1324132404330038,0.0,0.062114300123271585,0.0,0.08555469406509701,0.0,0.0,0.08267384655786779,0.06957091033503332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313998746789815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903055879417662,0.08592274714876717,0.0,0.1707265018270738,0.18991745075366115,0.0,0.08223404152927641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176913058526142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043493932244024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009400744779509,0.0,0.15552222801960525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397993963209185,0.0,0.17127401085666574,0.17275868160058985,0.05989859402214225,0.07500753538701875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451986830148011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787964149434225,0.17719893114105786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153673439559637,0.06781244994648143,0.0811414416183459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437981094738562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807289685362162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839764513268822,0.0,0.07985063293067388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176083854383836,0.07775434207369816,0.0,0.061887459929527634,0.2121047915534999,0.08101958281146061,0.0,0.07972008740962977,0.06424374409869242,0.0,0.07771921788458079,0.0791677811966554,0.0,0.11957774427315368,0.0,0.08693751622120949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319186596073797,0.14929019437493926,0.0,0.0,0.0452859959452159,0.26778703140703897,0.07361556680301605,0.0,0.0,0.21091267067236347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742317965463655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007889554952887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422235214048987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491244143986428,0.0,0.10002501951318804
suicidewatch,grandtim43,2018/04/08,"My friend told me he wants to kill himself He basically feels like everyone would be better off without him. He drinks a lot and is under a lot of stress and pressure from parents. He told me not to tell anybody but obviously his safety is most important. I have absolutely no clue how to handle this situation and any advice is appreciated. I was thinking of offering to pay for some therapy sessions and talking him into it or something because I assume the last thing he wants to do is spend his own money on something he believes won’t help. I’m really lost and I know this is a very fragile situation and what I do means life or death with him so please advise me how to handle this. Also if anyone is going to suggest telling his parents, I don’t think that would work because as soon as he realizes they know and I told them he will realize the only person he thought he could trust has betrayed him and that would probably be the final nail in his coffin (plus he blames his parents in the first way for how he feels).",4.857454031117398,5.959078168316838,5.926251768033946,78.2731683168317,69.29702970297029,8.543705799151343,30.76520509193777,8.841846274778883,2.5206254596888256,818,33,153,14,14,272,124,202,0.127,0.748,0.125,-0.1034,3,0,3,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,4,6,8,1,2,7,0,20,2,0,3,1,42,36,20,3,7,6,3,3,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,8,11,1,0,11,1,3,1,5,4,0,1,6,3,23,4,23,22,5,12,0,1,0,0,39,6,0,8,5,107,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587354189434973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948271869397999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063744906261053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829128471999649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456871106663108,0.0,0.0,0.1335973680498354,0.0,0.10487305075432568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467528675533432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616179077403108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330684230015428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991370918280425,0.08471250706883422,0.0,0.12989695524165198,0.0,0.10086281506719304,0.0,0.0,0.09161345817145483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739089655987142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948067181444449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118954599194232,0.0,0.13033528958697688,0.09665730735688872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375550427497579,0.0579314675035909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944244479714956,0.20162240766789374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916675351574844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018429576979363,0.0,0.0,0.3950021881672781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353817605106516,0.0,0.13016358911706286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784768319160142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596442614445759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665744138528481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825750514560997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358312758864674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530890997420537,0.20728567839931167,0.0,0.135604853732192,0.0,0.07877828918814325,0.1519606349580278,0.0,0.09413808695984384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399205269004628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978396844819942,0.13988134803966226,0.0941220972314075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430544653161215,0.0,0.08632656329554611,0.0,0.0,0.2527043015267299,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenMind18,2018/04/08,"My best is not good enough, which causes me to hate myself. Title pretty much says it all, I'm finally at breaking point. I'm going to make my death look accidental or I'll just hang myself in a quiet park. 

I'm 19/M/UK. This is my last 'message'. Bye.",-0.8261904761904759,1.2699447407407405,2.27783068783069,92.47166666666668,92.33333333333331,4.567195767195766,15.121693121693122,6.18269132825596,-0.5116529100529106,192,4,43,2,7,68,44,54,0.189,0.687,0.124,-0.4416,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,9,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,4,9,4,8,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116083347386149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050275511645919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30680670453821923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252708594839194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875141380059427,0.24904969239297234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29315560204377616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420365079449935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24934531109968544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982022022110816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182767477394709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806935821444907,0.0,0.0,0.3020832193437433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361296073044045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlwaysSighing,2018/04/08,Almost over the edge I almost walked into the ER yesterday.  feel like I'm about to be kicked out of the house soon. So I've been freaking out a lot since yesterday. Also been drinking. Don't know what to do,0.7241860465116297,3.0475521162790757,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,85.97674418604653,5.300465116279072,17.902325581395353,6.742157984588678,0.007803720930232848,163,4,35,2,5,53,33,43,0.07400000000000001,0.866,0.06,-0.14400000000000002,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,8,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,8,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,23,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6445209178274722,0.0,0.0,0.25736270447274656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152652060529959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272399031638954,0.2299112799343349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37134192940547023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768661693910508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722705304191162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27360343480745497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26621631215951697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hook9907,2018/04/08,"Writing Normally I’d write to distract my self from my
Deepening depression but , in this moment , at 3:45pm , I’m writing my last note , to everyone , trying to , I’ve tried many times but I think it’s the last, it’s hard to tell people not to blame themselves, they just take all their selfishness and turn it against them , how are you supposed to make them realize it’s your decision, your death",5.5677631578947375,6.468366565789478,5.553789473684212,82.3175263157895,67.55263157894737,9.764210526315793,32.305263157894736,9.888512548439397,3.0426242105263164,313,13,61,7,5,98,56,76,0.181,0.787,0.032,-0.8978,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,15,6,4,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,11,0,10,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,0,4,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283697642498337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25335825793736605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751863510302096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322585734758321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698693869563145,0.26881631347717583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25978667379766546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183818773305688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766049866721941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993567094720679,0.0,0.23174919231926736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698947784902197,0.0,0.0,0.15460869915873685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600333057508262,0.2884025868752369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ecnerolfycul,2018/04/08,"I am not sure how much longer i can cope for. The voice telling me to end everything is getting deafeningly loud. Please excuse the word rubbish that will follow here. I cant think straight really. I guess I should give context but I dont know. I really think I want to die but I cant tell if i do or not. I am under so much stress....
My Mum died last year. I really miss her and want to be with her. 
I have just had to move out of my home because my siblings are selling it. I’ve moved into a house share but all i want to do is go home. And i can never go home again now. 
Things are not going well at my new job and my depression is getting in the way of me being able to do my job properly. 
My boyfriend is potentially about to have another manic breakdown. He said he was feeling really manic today. I don’t think i could cope with him going into hospital again. 
And my friend who is back visiting said he’d call to see me at 7pm. Its 8.30 pm now and so I guess i am not worth seeing. 
I feel like I have been sitting on my hands all week. I just want to make it all stop now. Everything feels awful. I miss my mum so much and I can’t cope without her. I don’t feel like I can tell my family that I am not coping. 
The suicidal thoughts are so so so loud in my head and they are there all the time at the moment. I really really don’t know what to do. I just want to go home to my Mum and thats really not possible now. 

I am just in so much pain and the temptation to hurt myself or end my life is really big. ",0.2909082326283965,1.99821035951662,2.810829871601211,93.33367683157101,82.86706948640483,6.675264350453173,18.500849697885197,7.756953410329674,0.3541728851963737,1163,27,282,21,32,403,152,331,0.128,0.777,0.096,-0.9424,2,1,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,0,1,0,23,12,0,1,8,1,41,4,2,2,6,60,74,23,3,8,17,3,5,2,1,2,2,5,4,0,9,14,0,1,10,0,2,9,15,6,1,0,6,12,54,6,31,62,8,42,0,4,2,0,23,13,0,5,20,194,63,2,0.08240585663740417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640972578332015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336501714419915,0.0,0.05023384534265329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414559315390231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579437109938457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097604357131163,0.0,0.17104853796546285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657905025224207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597425925328486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812214077077804,0.0,0.0776849077043169,0.0,0.16666750853928775,0.11774152089446052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366656042149275,0.0,0.08610731783347815,0.0790512065896162,0.2341657368537411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155868320905225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457218300019215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306391726806994,0.0,0.0,0.09508529453746467,0.088217173888807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635501945606998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057620741717108,0.06717177172265702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820569357370719,0.08051867814487379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500654919743099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516876853887245,0.24231114547152374,0.0,0.06355647679868437,0.0795880898437999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768564150708766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045688457355867,0.0,0.092900221651192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42233041507581204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677368082692408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133359723557184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889498603887176,0.09439563035781973,0.0,0.0,0.0901386321495684,0.0,0.07766654464749884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607905265874847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054746789484926436,0.15840703659178404,0.0,0.0654210453465896,0.04805151769561502,0.0,0.07811111662835245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430255465343272,0.06540993332187257,0.06610100754987865,0.0,0.07409276166255645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794363051386059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306666989235052
suicidewatch,thatdudetoki,2018/04/08,"Any good pills to take to off myself?! I know this aint exactly the right place, but there is nowhere else i know where i can ask this. I just want to know what pills to mix to off myself.",0.2374390243902447,1.9638160975609757,1.3587195121951223,103.57759146341465,83.14634146341461,5.0756097560975615,15.128048780487804,5.985473137389443,-1.08729756097561,144,2,38,1,4,45,28,41,0.0,0.902,0.098,0.4003,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,9,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376210074568336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326665240684671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918997811742207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930811426791661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5761045862473054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365074792339663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984070723742312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627241413435247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609994011465116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jannacoin,2018/04/08,"My Misanthropy makes suicide seem like a good option. Why keep living if most people are extremely hateful, hypocritical, and ignorant of things they can easily know.

source of why I feel like this: Being a transgender bisexual who's been abused to all fuck and seeing how most other christian's dont give a shit about loving other people as one myself.",10.358072916666664,9.179749078125,10.06125,60.92541666666668,58.21875,12.908333333333333,35.39583333333333,11.855464076750405,4.384120833333334,287,9,44,7,3,94,54,64,0.245,0.547,0.208,-0.6184,0,0,0,0,1,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,8,3,0,3,0,5,3,1,2,1,14,15,5,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,4,4,5,13,3,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,5,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.2593121707198787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565011613567273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066170507243916,0.15635293974448347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023316530351252,0.0,0.20994953091720228,0.0,0.18356857651729455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160779884856626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945319680280025,0.0,0.0,0.12027920306274105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138469409372681,0.0,0.19325653933166667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752882569653088,0.0,0.14609010664856334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483045475701252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034585986304637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744023166934115,0.1992410474907544,0.0,0.0,0.22465565636516208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393962641906844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540021926867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949724790473147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peaceoutie,2018/04/08,going to mental hospital i seem like i have no problems but i do that's why I'm here i`m getting help today ,-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,1.9916666666666671,91.47,103.16666666666666,4.066666666666666,18.5,5.985473137389443,0.10319999999999974,86,3,18,1,4,31,21,24,0.145,0.632,0.223,0.431,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217756233081318,0.0,0.2368720803618237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793663987615414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036231587125088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200275638884871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988129508798026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37943111327608464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950693842690437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760892881405173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingawaySW,2018/04/08,"Suicidal - relationship breakdown I guess this is a scream for help.

My partner/ex-partner is asleep in bed next to me. 4 weeks ago, she told me she wants to leave me. We live together and there's been no arguments, cheating, abuse, anything like that.

She says she loves me but just isn't in love with me anymore. That her schedule (an insanely intensive postgraduate programme that regularly sees her busy 0800-220 or six days a week) has left her not having the headspace for anything else. I admittedly overcompensated for the feeling of distance this term and have got too clingy and anxious about wanting attention and time from her.

We've been talking around and around for a month. We had a week apart and she's abroad for 2 months solid on her programme at the end of this coming week. When she returns, she wants to move out. We live in an expensive city. I will lose her and my home that we worked so hard to build. I would be reduced to living with total strangers in rooms I can barely afford again. Back to square one.

But the real point is losing her. I don't care that it's a cliché. She is everything to me and I cannot ever replace her. I intend to kill myself if she still doesn't want me after having those two months away. 

I have calculated everything I would need to do it, and intend to use 3 methods at once to ensure success. I've written a will, advance decision (but I need to figure out someone to witness the signing that won't give it away) and letters to everyone but her - I'll get to that last. 

I'll be dead in our garage with instructions on our bed for her to call emergency services to collect me but not go in and not touch anything but her letter so as to not get her DNA on anything.

I don't know if I'm asking for anything. I don't want to die but living without her is more than I choose to so.

I'm already seeing a counsellor but that doesn't solve the actual problem. I guess, does anyone want to tell me anything or ask me anything? ",3.1764736194431613,4.986778408629443,4.070932164282418,87.14138824796188,74.55837563451776,6.907737271189048,26.66020612213505,7.686295010490155,1.4475610829103216,1559,58,315,21,33,501,202,394,0.147,0.797,0.055,-0.9871,1,0,1,0,1,3,42.0,6,0,0,5,14,11,2,0,15,0,29,3,1,3,2,68,60,28,4,13,18,0,3,1,0,5,0,2,4,0,15,23,0,0,7,0,1,4,14,6,0,3,6,8,56,5,56,47,3,47,0,2,3,2,43,21,0,6,23,215,71,4,0.0,0.09646888134728897,0.07945375929653054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217353976346044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984852452057958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198094344492726,0.08074633930289933,0.056930459231074274,0.0,0.4690096039577769,0.14496136560099845,0.1522326216864617,0.0,0.15299273985846962,0.06260662666560603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313848829479265,0.0,0.08301268200986425,0.0,0.0,0.07013575360799502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052508889548293504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450066330552411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125081787281967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680156065345665,0.0,0.07211357594255326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364866602979027,0.0,0.0777998921037345,0.14634932627009306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116818299228195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850767338783994,0.07810507440026586,0.046272620211610924,0.0,0.0651186711370091,0.0,0.17938568014115586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293594585817521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457382419250152,0.0,0.08167047125521222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007869530309144,0.0,0.044746068557423684,0.06636781972515712,0.0,0.08621157279377957,0.08846260536729553,0.0,0.0,0.0397774911884932,0.0,0.28757990202493894,0.0,0.0,0.18217535394191886,0.0,0.0,0.1469686887112792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496498150504804,0.0865361218985412,0.0,0.12074316489531688,0.0,0.0,0.08659064062006508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670918904868241,0.05517201048870413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696781454972848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790753635187464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267330021037948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741415203704495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474811317684533,0.0,0.0,0.12976171807966191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898654082265107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502177695994138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905979901013952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544196945207455,0.07116429637759794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747640835066885,0.0,0.0,0.0777998921037345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953509305844991,0.0,0.0,0.07032037029950068,0.0,0.0,0.2881402454756037,0.0,0.2612394843973942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848556385916079,0.0,0.059274419564956424,0.0,0.0,0.11567625863727975,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tokeepmyhead,2018/04/08,"anybody i'm planning on bringing things to an end soon, but i have nobody to talk about it with. anyone i try to go to will freak out and get me hospitalized or something of the sort. i'm sixteen, i just want someone to talk about everything with. anyone's appreciated. ",2.8877358490566034,5.1492283396226455,4.3515471698113215,82.74392452830193,76.9245283018868,6.504150943396226,27.581132075471697,7.554174236665415,1.6654332075471707,214,9,41,3,5,71,40,53,0.07200000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.11,0.2617,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,8,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,12,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588467664463607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906096453905264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948857080972841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714248609934517,0.0,0.18647348401775346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780080436055529,0.252596475768006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5274476348607401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179828849260114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276635853306528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352882696019685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wealth_Of_Hate_InMe,2018/04/08,"I feel like i really just need to talk to somebody on the phone (uk) So I'm happy to give you any information you need. I can call you. Or you can call me and withhold your number if you're worried. If you feel uncomfortable you can hang up. I will respect any boundaries you give me.

I'm 20, from England. I've been disowned by mum and sister. My dads not around. I honestly have nobody. Went through my phone book and there was nobody there who I'd feel comfortable talking to about.

I just really need to hear someone's voice. I don't want to be alone right now",0.9782625994694952,3.28763998275862,2.5382758620689643,92.75738726790449,84.51724137931033,5.638196286472149,20.9920424403183,7.010146845296331,0.4769384615384613,442,14,96,6,13,144,74,116,0.09,0.7879999999999999,0.122,0.6885,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,8,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,19,22,7,0,6,6,3,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,19,5,13,17,0,7,0,0,0,0,22,4,0,3,2,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894716357923529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24881221721492486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285621722010682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736062958003703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277501299362842,0.1306930399873272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35098722779787866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474402629061746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618772865101728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937569977499599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069451541487024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439329391219216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623055828415094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500525993113368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940819865544987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790330286160656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958807886406768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578539890339096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joonie10132017,2018/04/08,"I thought about jumping out the window of my mom’s hospital room It’s my spring break but my mom suddenly had an emergency health problem so I’ve been staying over at the hospital with her. Her bed is near a big window with a breeze and I’m small so I thought about how easy it’d be to just open the latch and jump down. It was only three stories high but I’m not that physically fit so maybe I’ll die very easily, is what I thought. 

I haven’t been this close to going through with my ideations for about a year, so it was. Interesting. But I couldn’t because my mom was sick and school’s opening and this is only the beginning of my misery.",1.1498730158730126,3.3001014740740766,2.5929365079365105,93.64750000000002,82.4074074074074,6.227513227513228,22.97619047619048,7.447530270364453,0.8277301587301586,509,18,115,8,14,165,82,135,0.172,0.7490000000000001,0.079,-0.9385,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,8,0,13,2,0,1,0,22,20,12,1,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,8,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,9,0,13,1,17,8,0,22,0,0,0,0,5,13,0,0,4,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217818719394662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098592572653625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458402172482367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956069272580388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944294921416709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848749717141207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6465735112087448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799142563609192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760843331778183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862402279645008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614311401012136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43827906591188537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518375360732001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185042233644987
suicidewatch,litsax,2018/04/08,"Why shouldn't I? Honest question. It's not even that I'm sad or hurt. It's just gotten to the point where I don't even remember what it's like to be happy. Or to be anything. Everyone dies eventually. There's no point to life, as it culminates in the same end for everyone, no matter what. I could see wanting to live if I at least enjoyed living. But every day for as long as I can remember has been the same. Struggle to wake up, struggle to get up, struggle to do basic life things. There's no more enjoyment in making music, playing games, doing things outside, solving problems, or maintaining friendships or relationships. 

Literally nothing I've done for years has brought me happiness or fulfillment. It's not even that I don't see a future for myself. I'm doing ok in school in what should be an interesting, rewarding, and challenging field. But that too only brings tiring indifference. I am certain that if some deity told me for an absolute fact that the rest of my life would be like how the past 10 odd years have been, I would kill myself on the spot. The longer I live, the more it seems that I don't need a deity to confirm that for me. At what point do I just cut my losses?

I don't need encouragement or some kind of emotional appeal. I *want* to want to live. I need facts and reason. I can't feel, but I can think. I just need something to convince myself that it's worth it to keep putting myself through this. So why should I keep going? Why is life going to be any different in the future? How can I suddenly find happiness in things? I don't care how pointless that happiness is. I just want it. Otherwise there truly is no point.",2.7187093495934964,4.815256216463418,4.0355853658536605,85.60291056910572,76.77439024390246,7.300162601626017,24.65284552845529,8.238735603445708,1.5662240650406505,1301,45,259,24,30,427,154,328,0.104,0.745,0.151,0.9413,1,0,1,0,0,3,44.0,0,0,0,3,16,28,2,3,13,1,34,6,1,5,3,56,60,20,2,17,17,0,1,2,0,5,5,0,0,0,26,2,0,2,8,2,1,5,13,9,0,0,6,3,30,19,37,43,8,30,0,3,2,0,5,16,0,12,11,183,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729574272809796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933402468609064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590276844254285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727011997156207,0.0,0.0,0.05433698648004316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744255380537108,0.0880277026104561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622129531416173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947746306064808,0.0746242100095112,0.0,0.0,0.16694730623764822,0.0,0.0709877942916951,0.16101699052315324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260145323778354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700680908467668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044019340137303034,0.0,0.0957672028665549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587606349263097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019585979609293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977800195241986,0.09321478498078574,0.0877377801297004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238044922342476,0.08232468900075735,0.0,0.2975919959969727,0.07456231245860069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624033031858292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24989367609613355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808441737610179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407911297552038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043016399198456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185897957137799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061988714409711,0.0,0.08469873851259681,0.09438398240812862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662734638040738,0.0,0.09045747564386863,0.1908871602164265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526974483883497,0.13427937215158472,0.07670185600491303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486299664983029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642423387657885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792423281069874,0.05398668699572391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683780442925548,0.0,0.08050849526157662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987812318695032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807892195404525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970352745424075,0.0,0.0,0.10851388015419733
suicidewatch,az_zs,2018/04/08,"I have no excuse to be depressed yet I am. By reading the title you may think I’m just looking for attention but I’m really not. 

I’m 19, raised in wealthy family, have a nice car and money in my pocket and I’m never hungry, so as much as I like to, I can’t relate to most of your guys’s problems. 

Even though I seem to have all this I feel this extreme emptiness coming over me at times I least expect it .

What kills me more is that I feel guilty for feeling this way and say to myself I shouldn’t be depressed since most people would wish to be in my shoes. 

I hate the way I think and I hate my depression and I hate that I feel guilty for feeling this way which seems to only be fueling it. 

I really hope I don’t come across as pretentious or spoiled since I’m willing to trade everything I have for day of pure happiness. 

Here goes nothing. ",2.3819632881085404,3.6307012625698363,3.899221867517956,89.87984636871509,75.4804469273743,7.125458898643258,23.40023942537909,7.7094869923839395,0.9269613727055068,662,19,147,9,14,220,105,179,0.232,0.633,0.135,-0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,6,12,4,0,3,0,16,1,1,0,3,33,38,12,1,6,4,0,5,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,10,1,2,3,6,8,0,0,0,7,25,4,24,30,6,16,0,3,1,0,5,6,0,7,5,100,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293475812303755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858534070818144,0.0,0.3439762753477105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879265731142289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964248713410387,0.0,0.12549664111202755,0.0,0.3365552769883205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181283018263154,0.0,0.1417120493357281,0.0,0.3942945965902153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222130741242946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728102162858187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503723794345556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178990288921832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978608192997644,0.0,0.10267276611189396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277352354210295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012461405777348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229081790282248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738085856885392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315915692287486,0.0,0.17056417423186818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586485766830983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24238059907643514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202416607494692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170599855306466,0.13079280120124262,0.0,0.07762516876620736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170008372218434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308503187279715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945668534215878,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NewAcc8163,2018/04/08,"Soon. 22M. I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe I want help? Maybe just someone to talk to? Or to just vent? I don't know. I plan on doing it either tomorrow or Tuesday. 

For those of you that are wondering how:
1,200mg of Lamictal
1,050mg of Propranolol
Hell I might even throw some Paxil in there 

Why?
I guess it all goes back to when I was a child when I was molested by my mother (that feels so good to actually say considering I've never told anyone). My mother was also a drug addict and an alcoholic who would ""spank"" me and my sister on a daily basis. My father? Well he was at work a lot of the time. When they got divorced he turned into an alcoholic, narcissistic asshole who would verbally abuse me most days.

Which leads to now. I have debilitating social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, bipolar II, and body dysmorphia. 

I just thought I would share my story. I have been on this sub reddit for a while and would like to thank all of you and I hope that all of you that are struggling find some peace.

-S",2.1867647058823536,4.414367088235295,3.8321176470588254,85.75552941176474,79.09803921568627,7.413333333333332,22.454901960784312,8.395991825355821,1.4196066666666671,802,25,163,17,20,267,128,204,0.103,0.7809999999999999,0.116,-0.2775,0,0,3,0,2,0,31.0,0,3,1,3,15,10,2,1,8,0,17,6,1,2,4,38,30,14,0,6,6,4,1,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,12,6,2,0,6,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,8,2,24,6,22,17,8,20,1,1,0,0,21,6,1,10,13,115,36,2,0.0,0.16495484433548174,0.13586021018990854,0.15177210677952874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29757112610702696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133547268334293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300830397163445,0.0,0.0,0.09734698805723488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705282586222177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546438254805528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978642211560353,0.0,0.1199113702682029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614528697896708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195456158530113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039463008407049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272460310030609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677248268075607,0.11134824111900653,0.0,0.1533683014171826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331731174592936,0.0,0.0,0.1382784740120587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302511380727327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801664718628238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183612357683316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797336434851565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769212914576424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737628978561348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071461367581023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191890067258858,0.1179620199147625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455446569404018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119010579703138,0.0,0.12817655516222964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105264085903292,0.08118124145027654,0.0,0.0,0.1330322163173861,0.0,0.0,0.15143313518190168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211651376659443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517694888115233,0.0,0.2512517002853294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097989923636926,0.10135499153570517,0.0,0.0,0.3955961543314744,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaym23s,2018/04/08,putting a date on it has really made me feel better NYE of 2016 I decied that i would end my life on jan1 2019 if my life and depression has not gotten any better. I dont know why but the closer i get to the date the less down i feel. Knowing that there is and out for me from my depression really helps me get thru my days.,2.387183098591549,2.9849150422535264,4.074760563380284,91.14030985915493,74.63380281690141,7.933521126760564,19.833802816901407,8.238735603445708,0.5106484507042253,252,4,61,4,5,85,49,71,0.1,0.7959999999999999,0.104,-0.1681,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,13,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,12,2,9,10,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295613505317682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978542650118401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505746931086216,0.0,0.387453681811884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636094287823279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921603597353946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274568170212228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350271700620144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076191662174376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722486125251394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177411580414245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282866927337515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261108953285845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881843401461533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029590607615233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597796628496583,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImpossibleRegret,2018/04/08,"Has anyone been to a hospital or ‘mental institute’? Sorry I dont know the word for this, but has anyone gone to a mental health ward thing? I guess each place is different but if you have what was it like? I am talking about where they take you when you are at risk of harming yourself. Did it help or make you worse? I think I need to go to one. ",1.0112720156555781,2.8678159589041097,2.540156555772996,95.42534246575345,81.1917808219178,5.815264187866927,18.647749510763205,6.868970318607317,-0.04737025440313092,267,6,62,3,7,87,56,73,0.173,0.741,0.085,-0.7912,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,1,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,1,0,12,18,6,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,4,0,10,1,8,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,4,2,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204833444307921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943488933815196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685866725794491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024314471802567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524576627833093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359802687402365,0.0,0.0,0.15360847191308458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259463729530682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119613611178849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297340344960347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619008766717011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992737203184322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529218171789713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943488933815196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25653814081425763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230805037484254,0.1841989465692812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522510107912622,0.14684350543324518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335447992412512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fernandito_chiquito,2018/04/08,"You dont want someone to die because of how it would affect you. When I read any article about someone who committed suicide, or why you shouldn't commit suicide, i read that you would be selfish and inconsiderate of how other people feel. That's bullshit. So you're basically telling me that I have to stay so everyone else doesn't feel sad? Depression often times goes to far to be reversed, and the only way of alleviating it is through suicide. If it got to that point and your ""loved ones"" have done absolutely nothing or haven't even tried to help you, then obviously this life isn't meant to be. I'm not gonna be around just for the convenience of ""love"" for others. Fuck you. Selfish fucks.",4.71822222222222,6.223820859259257,5.408333333333331,80.33250000000005,70.03703703703704,8.362962962962964,30.537037037037038,8.841846274778883,2.4334592592592594,556,23,107,10,10,180,89,135,0.25,0.6609999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,4,17.0,0,7,0,0,10,8,2,0,2,0,15,5,0,3,3,23,26,12,4,5,5,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,2,11,2,16,15,0,8,0,2,0,4,12,3,2,4,3,72,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172760704080662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316848710213186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911898206152533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884326567276982,0.0,0.15525275227464838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308442880114764,0.17532056739075655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496481919841555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880402485317698,0.0,0.0,0.14294145043694398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512762969111583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27659056219160066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196422906401902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026828283470716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566116767624724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27002502143826945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435374418467292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136732827678432,0.1137713643966857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037081731133094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414126774627211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992647201874565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534974262604112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944503854903908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908877056985395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074989525660438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722822728510557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156306596952018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882331656763374,0.11873907015063065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498340273400244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253155683924324,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rephase7,2018/04/08,"Would anyone miss me? Here’s my story. (Long) I’ve lived a somewhat decent life, hopefully so far. I was never good at much though and my parents have shunned me for it, but I still love them. To the person reading this, you may or may not know me, but here’s my story in a faster pace. My mom and dad always tell me they do the best they can to make me a better person, but I’m not very sure. Let’s start with the 7th grade. I wasn’t the fastest swimmer at the time and my father expected so much from me. He pushed me to my breaking point every competition we went to along with the fact I had to be the fastest or else I don’t belong in the family. My mom didn’t care much about swimming or me, just my grades. She always told me how I had to always get good grades or else I’ll work at McDonalds and no one will love me. I lived through that hell with mostly A’s and 1-2 B’s, but of course I get yelled at to do better and swim faster. This is where I began to feel a sudden burst of sadness and loss. I didn’t know at that age cause I was just a kid. I still loved my parents through that hell because they were my parents that’s what I’m supposed to do. Skip to the 8th grade, I was at mostly A’s and B’s like your typical kid. My civics teacher hated me and only me for no reason whatsoever. I tried my best to somehow make amends with her, but it was no use. 
My grade stood as a solid B+ and my parents would scream at me when I mentioned I didn’t enjoy her class. This I where the story begins to kick in. It’s nearly the end of the second semester and my teacher accuses me of lying about not turning in assignments even though she had them. My parents were disgusted with me and made me feel like I lost their trust. I was heartbroken begging to see what I could do to make it better, but it was no use. My swim career took a bad turn as I wasn’t dropping time and I was pretty much slumped, to make matters worse my dad didn’t understand what I was going through so he continued to yell at me. I felt even more depressed and suicidal, but hey I was just a kid I can’t possibly be sad. My dad would threaten to beat me up and throw away all my stuff, and my mom, she didn’t care about swimming, would yell and raise her voice at me telling me that I had to be more serious about swimming and school. Of course, she doesn’t care about me or swimming whatsoever. My dad is from Europe and English is his 2nd or 3rd language, he doesn’t understand emotions like most people. He isolates himself from me and doesn’t want anything to do with me. One afternoon I spoke to my mom about my feelings of depression and being suicidal, but she (to sum it up) told me it was “too late” to express these feelings because it was the end of the second semester. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel, my own mom and dad don’t understand my true feelings. I was an only child with not too many friends at the time. I simply looked past it because hey, I’m just a kid I can’t possibly feel sadness and defeat right? 
Moving on to freshman year, things turned up better for me. I met an absolutely beautiful girl who had the personality anyone wants. She was gifted, talented, smart, and I thought I stood a chance and coincidentally homecoming was pretty close. I made her a poster and everything, bought flowers and such. I asked her, but she rejected me instantly and took off.. In my head all I thought was to think I stood a chance with her and actually having someone to trust. My heart was shattered and I couldn’t get over it. I tried to talk to my mom and dad about it, but they simply said get over it and move on. This year in swimming I’ve racked AA times to almost AAA times as a 14, now 15, year old swimmer. This year I was at peak performance and my dad was finally happy with me and my mom was, even though she didn’t care. Here’s where this story takes a bad turn. My grades as a freshman are A’s and B’s due to having a rough schedule with swimming and waking my dog, etc. My mom screams at me to study and by study she means 4+ hours. I try my best to study, but I simply don’t need to study that often. I have photographic memory so all I need to do is look and bam easy A. Of course, it’s still not enough. Everyday, and I mean every single day, I have my mom coming back from work tired and defeated, she calls me over just to yell at me that I’m not trying hard enough and that I’ll work at McDonalds and be treated like shit. She says I don’t take any part of my life seriously and that I will never go to college. My family isn’t the wealthiest of the wealthiest kind of family in the world. They can’t exactly pay my college fully, I actually need to work and I do, really hard.     My day consists of waking up at 6:00 am, walking my dog, dressing up, rarely eating breakfast, and biking to school. Going back to the girl I truly liked, I had found out she had feelings for me. I didn’t know what to think, but all I could think about was the night where I felt abandoned, forgotten, and lost... After my school day I bike home (1.5 miles back and forth) and walk my dog. My dad drives me to swim practice from 3:30-6:00. I come home, take a shower and it’s already 7:30. I take my dog out one more time to make her happy and then I get to studying/doing HW. Any remaining time I like to play on my XBox and simply feel like a teenager. My mom tells me I’m not trying hard enough and that I play games too much, let me remind you I rarely play so I can take care of work. Around the house, I usually clean up everything, I bring my parents food when they need it even if they didn’t ask. I make sure they’re ok and I walk the dog 4 times a day. I would die for them, but would they die for me? They’ve only yelled at me for doing good things. I take everything seriously, but when I have fun I get bashed at for doing so. In high school, a lot of people know me and I have a lot friends, and I’m pretty sure some girls have an eye for me, but truthfully would they remember me, miss me, love me? I feel abandoned, forgotten, lost. Quite recently I was yelled at by my mother and father because I didn’t perform so well on a swim meet that’s considered a joke and it truthfully is. Keep in mind, I had a stomach bug and nearly passed out in school the previous day. I still love them so much even when they don’t appreciate me or yell at me when I try my hardest. They’re all I have left and I can’t stand losing them, but at what cost will I lose myself? The point of this story is that I’m contemplating ending my torment, my suffering, my hatred for not being good enough, and pain inside me.",2.7919870269359564,3.8527203318872054,4.031851399448225,90.0714836888992,74.16992046276212,7.279767495735316,23.69471881164487,7.702069356759794,0.8776897401877157,5141,142,1162,66,103,1686,440,1383,0.145,0.706,0.14800000000000002,0.7614,8,1,0,0,0,0,157.0,1,3,16,24,60,85,5,0,56,1,107,19,7,14,15,211,219,108,4,19,38,27,16,7,2,12,4,13,4,11,46,79,3,3,31,19,3,28,40,32,3,5,66,33,222,53,155,130,32,155,2,19,4,5,110,64,3,22,67,773,268,23,0.0,0.0,0.06682173783377697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03428391859114814,0.0,0.03778194136704629,0.0,0.08546504791459594,0.0,0.0,0.04656535888910883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787932320858089,0.0,0.028174551799211137,0.03047864082826095,0.06401489637586909,0.0,0.032167265727287966,0.07897959072193872,0.05717377803481893,0.08348346820503476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779045684911924,0.12112117391955615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03496032357636826,0.0,0.17453710570948605,0.03517135179667049,0.0,0.058985162966007934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467172829671743,0.0,0.0,0.1104018010728674,0.0,0.058977430817680136,0.0,0.07106625564573572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035033518012577064,0.057202089223946775,0.03851258817532744,0.09097280937781654,0.14150599180554893,0.03818387161513232,0.11306775542088222,0.0,0.057693154160264576,0.0,0.09231139343268063,0.0,0.09682822624029257,0.0,0.17311512729916506,0.04891856500809713,0.06574675353634228,0.03750551641789629,0.0,0.0,0.04140013048734898,0.03753966026297804,0.05290362738922743,0.0,0.1073261087450772,0.0,0.058373894275834726,0.11486718904652975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289292766439516,0.0920102465121437,0.03380245086478361,0.03513756065440999,0.0,0.0,0.040571611740705324,0.0,0.03617380689453264,0.06868602401315346,0.034005570599267565,0.033717048687345944,0.03950548733198732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030431870164010364,0.0,0.03565309589633492,0.09408019484255356,0.0,0.038621400222567936,0.0,0.037199152540315465,0.07002034303504236,0.04836592874452564,0.1170870187887543,0.0,0.060464693519582974,0.030299117123879477,0.0575017674439849,0.07660602750997833,0.1121228529832872,0.0582150097893842,0.15450343812850764,0.06479271565773212,0.1371228143993961,0.03471145924865028,0.0,0.07458936640383806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457012298990736,0.4009855548824983,0.0,0.07277810517530274,0.15101104646712055,0.10154671322402338,0.05281215357747828,0.0,0.0,0.032129581877125224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035926505200673836,0.0,0.06960066433507757,0.07811750273910563,0.03643112235815342,0.0,0.2281002049024533,0.03707588466418344,0.032683575371124,0.04747195418464832,0.0896846139589209,0.0,0.0,0.0647310230631882,0.07719529181526448,0.0,0.10449556250421982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03641580405855016,0.034246773082914614,0.0,0.021933424279551198,0.03520186039788093,0.033805408634210755,0.0,0.03878442227803456,0.02923864469911946,0.032567710349031914,0.027227040496520638,0.0,0.17325092937733605,0.027282861072749374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035144309880888125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02900932936166078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02423348433023881,0.0,0.10936847222767593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919375532444586,0.07490055339954542,0.0,0.09680533811089156,0.0,0.15445407030415767,0.02751881197799736,0.08977527302241889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549175787874477,0.08775205051865194,0.10091453311495656,0.05436151385463174,0.15971332962397733,0.03935097882124364,0.0,0.06543081208089413,0.07607826213644496,0.13947012284045496,0.14896230830685947,0.0,0.10692735960782276,0.0,0.0591404282205252,0.03770777794293863,0.028249529681697864,0.040388338477211384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030783631385805726,0.031738512859271734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462656768815007,0.0,0.03489094556977744,0.17024940316489884,0.0,0.0,0.0881913303368689
suicidewatch,Chlorotard,2018/04/08,"I wonder what's gonna finally tick me off I've been having suicidal thoughts ever since I remember. Lately a lot of shitty things have been happening, but I still manage to keep myself from dying.

 I wonder if there's going to be a particular thing that ticks me off enough so that I'd kill myself.

I don't know why I posted this. ",3.5866176470588265,4.764849132352944,5.505176470588236,79.81629411764708,72.38235294117645,8.381176470588235,22.423529411764704,8.841846274778883,1.5136258823529407,263,6,51,5,5,91,52,68,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.9185,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,10,14,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,10,0,6,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,38,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020787137972886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192371960492269,0.0,0.0,0.1919276765643617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243126742327505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058597887118988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876288209864612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885940743614543,0.23474416618052976,0.0,0.1166078007460745,0.0,0.23934668445491936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038664442903696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032084317704453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403569737827041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551631717095612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694460911615134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320889327770191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28192404613909033,0.0,0.0,0.16844609501565028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145816967588228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601972465510473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Born2life,2018/04/08,"Need some advice Hello,
I just need some advice, or something, I don’t know what I need. Just help.
I am constantly wishing I was dead. I think about killing myself quite often. Every time something goes wrong in my life I turn to suicidal thoughts. Right now I’m in debt, sick, and alone.... I’m gay, never really been happy about it, I find out if I have HIV tomorrow when the labs come back. If I do.....I’ll probably just do it. 

I try to stay happy but things just keep happening to me. I figure dying would be easier then dealing with all this. It really would be. I hate feeling like this.",0.20202891326022154,2.6089285847457653,2.117058823529412,92.24733300099705,93.66101694915254,5.488334995014956,17.110667996011962,7.048011613610866,0.3114969092721833,455,12,94,8,17,150,81,118,0.193,0.7090000000000001,0.098,-0.8933,1,1,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,2,0,1,0,10,4,0,0,2,30,25,7,4,8,8,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,16,3,9,18,3,14,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,6,9,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928069988270212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551695336388053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115203220847588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905765958881593,0.0,0.16190344440240442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445903293175536,0.0,0.0,0.1554907059367553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126230785435167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575407795863975,0.10703226358849954,0.0,0.0,0.13693382209724342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248635321921376,0.3189748123732404,0.0,0.14791737371273952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042196259074447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316792707824576,0.16575491096321282,0.0,0.08233778902695804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582311302937424,0.07319504893031452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33327146578830796,0.11555131147950352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153254578362908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593532409684029,0.0,0.0,0.19195853749992384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794644838370214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067929055923814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596894176680669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388002740999602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953451863471602,0.09599934707803716,0.0,0.1189412624633558,0.08736192073541471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171873022105953,0.16296239520529746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228693518888386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285730090189095,0.16380591447064402,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perpetual_novice,2018/04/08,"I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself soon. It's not something I truly want to do, but it seems like my only option. Here's some context as to who I am so you can truly see how pathetic my existence is and how desperately I want to be free of it.

I'm 24, female, never had a *real* job, don't have my license, have never had an actual relationship, don't have a single friend outside of family, live at home with my emotionally abusive mother and younger brother, am disgustingly unattractive and over-weight, have no interest in the things I used to hold dear, I lock myself in my room all day only leaving to eat or use the restroom. I'm not working. I'm not studying. I'm not living. All of this because of my crippling anxiety and depression. I'm too scared to work, I'm too scared to get my license even though I *can* drive, I'm too scared to form meaningful relationships with anyone; irl or otherwise, I'm too scared to stick up for myself in the face of my family, I don't see the point in forcing myself to workout or pushing myself to partake in the hobbies I used to enjoy, there's no reason for me to leave my room as there's nothing for me outside these four walls.

I'm too afraid to live, and that's why I think I'm going to kill myself soon. These issues have plague me for years, even before I graduated high school, but they've gotten progressively worse these past few weeks. All I can think about is killing myself. Everyday, from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep, I fantasize about taking my own life. Overdosing on my anti-depressants and Benadryl then topping it off with a bag over my head. Slicing my forearms and climbing into a hot bath. Laying my head on the train tracks. Every. Day. 

My years of therapy haven't helped. My years of medication haven't helped. My stent in a crisis center hasn't helped. 

I don't see any other option. ",4.591781914893616,5.329137295212767,5.778791489361705,80.41940000000002,69.66489361702128,8.462808510638299,27.80595744680851,8.608573733854374,1.965698638297872,1477,48,289,23,25,494,186,376,0.217,0.7290000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9968,1,0,1,0,0,3,50.0,0,1,0,5,19,17,4,6,14,0,23,9,6,6,5,42,52,19,3,2,9,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,12,11,1,1,5,2,1,6,15,11,0,1,3,4,43,7,51,48,8,42,0,1,3,0,10,21,0,7,16,189,55,5,0.0,0.1077647930903951,0.08875730506317614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618513660117316,0.0,0.0695790290261321,0.0,0.0,0.0635966653069343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544429025206191,0.0,0.07739456313965343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731471410365392,0.0,0.15667589585738614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306793706603664,0.0,0.10231022563205897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014759970073155,0.0,0.07663208186230458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148536177482632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027029747138275,0.0,0.04751934766511092,0.0,0.15507257697649734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668866098258685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289224846770136,0.09609715993382983,0.091233580336944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493161953371193,0.0902571204349462,0.0,0.30187906687475635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192612833783633,0.0,0.0,0.06424300880830679,0.04443519037140207,0.0,0.2409403027628083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162588555528638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029759111563045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727214873429988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834817323739335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682522076831757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598027150031305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352477278369801,0.0,0.0935151453228661,0.0,0.1952996215128024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642404991238365,0.0920495999638615,0.2174340238729522,0.08280047248977339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101898993294216,0.0,0.0,0.07002029741450487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838556573878768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401303040532477,0.0,0.06042533407239389,0.1165584100368345,0.08936115991947624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23566335743288735,0.0,0.0,0.10729323107800544,0.0,0.07295725468655971,0.11075662197186796,0.0,0.0,0.08207121046955039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243017791353928,0.0,0.09268918768868144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757128383156203
suicidewatch,r0nnie0_0,2018/04/08,"(17F) I am going to kill myself tomorrow I have nothing to live for anymore. I lost my friends, it hurts to be around my family, and I may not graduate high school. I got nothing. I am so fucking alone. I'm not even scared yet. Maybe tomorrow but right now I am calm. I think this is it. I got no hope. I don't care about anything. I don't know. I just know I don't want to live anymore. ",-1.7703021978021989,0.1296924642857178,0.9776190476190472,99.56225274725277,100.54761904761904,4.4893772893772885,18.366300366300365,6.297961479604792,-0.13201172161172092,293,10,72,4,13,100,53,84,0.193,0.679,0.128,-0.52,0,1,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,0,12,22,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,16,4,7,17,0,8,0,2,0,1,1,3,1,2,4,46,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491055596674152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541215894057441,0.0,0.0,0.14692079261862934,0.15893584041155873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203043721829265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792204798452526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683088560256241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793729397753102,0.16505464020970997,0.0,0.0,0.10146672875061004,0.0,0.28558480201218994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863421213773415,0.0,0.17732759056820327,0.0,0.0,0.19112762128201105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975248105840824,0.0,0.1962386041771222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31530299969451026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489429738302394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793644793757334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426222591676486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246967848515675,0.0,0.0,0.17874674867652368,0.18068904199388244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439934260525955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530578700789707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Curious-Curry,2018/04/08,"My dreams, the things that kept me sane, are now gone. I don't know if I want to kill myself. 

In a rush of emotions, I'd want to. But when I take it in, the closing distances with suicide, I falter.

17 years old; a lifetime of wanting to study in a prestigious US university.

Why?

I hate the Philippines, I love the West, I hate being poor, I want avenues to wealth. Most especially, I think I despise my family

Countless hours to study for the SAT. Sleepless nights to get a respectable mark in school. Methodical and draining hours, days, months to prove that I have extra-curricular. Yet I'm an average student.

Do I think I'll get into UCLA, the school of my dreams? A resounding NO.

However, I can't do this anymore. I have no one to support me and my dreams but myself. And to finally face and accept the gloomy environment I'm in, it's heart breaking. It breaks my heart that 'family' is just a word. 

It's a blot on the dictionary, a pixel on the internet, and a wave from the mouth.

My family doesn't support me and my dreams.

My sister diminishes the existence of my depression. My mom's dead. My dad? My dad just wants for his own gain.

Like I've said. I don't think I'll even get considered for UCLA. But it hurts that I'm still managing to fall.

This isn't suppose to be edgy, and may seem like a minor nuisance in one's life. But my dreams. The only thing I wanted. I never asked for expensive clothing or gadgets. I never asked for a car. I never asked for those things.

I just wanted a way out. Away from my dysfunctional family and a shell of myself. To start anew.

Tomorrow I might say I love my dad and my sister, because I don't want to jinx their deaths. I don't want them dead. I just want to be the person I want to be; that includes their distance.

Then again I might regret that.

But I digress, I don't mind if you think my problem is petty. Just know these are my dreams.

And even if I kill myself. I'm already dead.",0.8568888888888893,3.1719270151898766,2.770042194092828,90.83694796061887,85.17721518987341,5.941490857946555,20.929676511954998,7.3011,0.6870495077355843,1501,48,321,24,45,500,181,395,0.175,0.703,0.121,-0.9647,1,0,1,0,0,3,65.0,1,1,3,1,12,18,5,0,27,0,23,7,4,0,4,60,63,21,7,16,14,6,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,1,18,14,0,1,9,6,3,4,13,9,0,2,4,2,61,9,40,52,2,39,0,3,0,2,20,13,0,9,21,210,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066684731436148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148176117341514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23042868995945434,0.0,0.0771930839096667,0.0,0.0,0.05008466076084922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052987130247546185,0.0,0.07076525876465255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242020990533018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853329972995124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30981679559417824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000349922393427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877739420401854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223420716446568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472266346802933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182432107063946,0.0,0.08795518633629598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179822889471306,0.0,0.09030721400182018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058032834179902515,0.08027955360155996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483072507921415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431994502482845,0.08295931731815256,0.09622611958078486,0.06558022814541474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010317991209294,0.0,0.0,0.07710265245576836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621428237166208,0.0,0.11134901274555553,0.06248723982196129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173992747192202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861710296016687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815404700642227,0.06533782633184372,0.0,0.166302894902345,0.0,0.07479640476296122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815406895901665,0.0,0.06561398259116838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987093824618718,0.1864709477746414,0.0,0.0,0.06177494283712216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375260705574368,0.21058213204566067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882972020664776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330683792372299,0.06521567876138863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074137638265589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290907238211368
suicidewatch,Lisa_Nucar,2018/04/08,"I think I’m a failure and it looks like my best friend does too I’m losing my best friend and my fucking will to live more and more every day and I just don’t see life turning up from here. Everyone says I have “so much potential” but I’m not motivated or happy by anything anymore, I’m so lethargic and my family hardly even knows I’m here so I doubt they’d care if I was gone.

Long story short, I found out from a mutual friend that one of my only two closest friends is talking shit behind my back about my housing/social situation.

My anxiety has been crippling me, I can’t go out, can’t get a job, it even fucked up finishing my college degree. Now I hear my best friend seems to agree that I’m a lost cause because she’s saying that just because she’s not “jobless and living with her mom” doesn’t make her life great... I get where she’s coming from but she knows how bad my depression hits me and it feels insensitive. She’s lived with me and watched me sleep for weeks not leaving the house and missing classes because of anxiety issues. 

I listen to her drunken and drugged up calls about her threesomes at 5am where she’s basically just bragging about how amazing it is to live on your own, but I can’t even afford therapy let alone my own apartment, is she just keeping me around to compare her functioning life to my own miserable one? 

Last time we spoke all she talked about was how she wanted to die and I can’t even tell her how much she’s hurting me because I don’t want her to feel abandoned by the only close friend she can be honest with.",4.777093749999999,5.079290021875,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.09375,8.275,29.75,8.07648339933343,1.84395,1237,44,259,15,20,400,169,320,0.194,0.6629999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9637,3,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,6,27,27,3,2,6,0,20,8,2,7,1,52,54,23,1,3,12,1,3,1,6,1,4,5,0,0,7,20,0,2,8,0,0,3,10,12,0,3,7,11,53,15,32,42,11,25,0,7,3,2,37,14,3,4,9,172,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110528859013216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458608286632626,0.0,0.0872377172577681,0.0,0.0,0.07238776143109263,0.07830756623010013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763971274324597,0.07344716313490025,0.2144907724862358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769417568928637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982217643195324,0.0,0.0896862562997394,0.09036436289068844,0.0,0.0757741229600865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673019606189038,0.0,0.0757641900086683,0.0,0.09129385972394764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697882972325143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201155967803223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324004090864755,0.0,0.07411436940191916,0.08405439860958197,0.0,0.0,0.08292564380828248,0.0,0.08895556972371116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644916414950057,0.40776959139396535,0.16264458836142073,0.09191624189248776,0.0,0.049992579151531324,0.0,0.0,0.09698180548528447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364045780369552,0.07879942889838111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914303238022157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149988587527484,0.0941684318853868,0.0,0.0,0.09181268402294172,0.0872917634821508,0.07818740021255803,0.0,0.0,0.09668660922363502,0.07170327648512842,0.0,0.09314231303438404,0.0,0.08995024877531202,0.18639700125327147,0.0429752922483327,0.0,0.31069909049074945,0.07784632307788941,0.0738685082422126,0.09841041808039153,0.0960242703009614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871737047343434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302363242903938,0.0,0.0,0.12932890270417285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921482244541495,0.13380280645149265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990671624398418,0.0,0.0,0.07009677572039043,0.08008010033953107,0.0,0.0,0.09029488516617153,0.0,0.09887642964114472,0.08802860210167295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414059900953698,0.07688535257243524,0.0,0.10059572923941776,0.0,0.0,0.05636446804285295,0.0,0.0,0.05129314249867515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956807415499306,0.0859290962315389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037681603995722,0.0,0.07056027701433731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ribnume,2018/04/08,"Am I worth it? Hello everybody (: . I am a high school student. Currently I'm 18 years old. I started to be religious at the age of 15 (an abrahamic religion- all abrahamic religions have 89.9% of the same rules). I decided to be religious cause it requires me to be positive- and I was negative every day of my adolescence life, until I decided to add faith in my life. But for my more positive attitude I had to sacrifice my romantic/sexual life: I couldn't talk to women in a certain way, I couldn't touch women in public etc. In my first days of high school at the age of 15 I denied to a 19 year-old female to be my girlfriend, and later two 16 year-olds. I told this to two of my buddies and they called me queer (as in gay). I stopped talking to these folks immediately and wish them no good. Now I understand that I am only an object to other people because I am practicing religion. I stopped having contact with almost everyone except my homosexual classmate- since we now had common label ""QUEER LOSER"". I never hung out with other religious abrahamists because they tend to radicalize everything and they are dangerious- I cloud live with the bad reputation I had as a ""QUEER LOSER"" but not a ""EXTREMIST"" tag cause that is not my intention I am a nursing school student and I want to save lives. I do my homework and I was proud of myself until now when I realized that I have thrown every teenagers dream in the bin. I feel like a loser and that I am odd. I am embarrassed of myself and recently I had to alter myself mentally. I wanted to be tough to protect myself. I started to watch prison documentaries and act the part. I also started to exercise more since my bullies used my weakness to ridicule me. I practiced talking like famous american criminals to scare people. I have built my reputation up and now they don't bully me cause otherwise they will have to face me with some good consequences. I have abandoned religion but I have no friends. I am always angry towards women and I can't control it. I don't want to be angry towards them. Also my school has abuse staff members all teachers are behaving as they want calling students stupid and making fun of them. One 17 year old girl attempted suicide. She had the luck that she didn't have any consequences from that  dangerous attempt.

***I feel that I don't deserve to live because I denied romantic/sexual relationships with these females. I mean I am like so insane for doing that, am I not. I feel like I'm not accepted by society I feel buried. Everybody hates me because of that and thinks I'm stupid. I'm a fool. Do I deserve to exist? What do you think? (I feel like one a guy who gives away his golden castle to spend his time meditating in the mountains- so stupid why did you throw away all your good stuff?)",3.254397031539892,5.541212712430428,4.902140630797773,79.11704768089056,75.86456400742117,8.393632653061223,28.4052319109462,9.120678840339163,2.7611822337662337,2208,95,400,55,50,744,248,539,0.188,0.688,0.124,-0.9935,1,0,0,0,1,1,68.0,1,3,9,9,9,32,6,2,19,0,48,10,1,7,5,71,75,27,1,7,8,0,6,5,2,1,5,0,1,5,20,22,0,6,13,2,2,2,15,16,0,5,10,7,90,16,65,56,9,47,2,4,1,4,36,17,3,3,32,290,110,10,0.0,0.09089930085958717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682285367094291,0.0,0.0,0.1227040850913726,0.06383623517702103,0.0,0.0,0.0521714538342851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415978391687242,0.0,0.06405704138088099,0.18706841357143175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566770621774604,0.0,0.0,0.23643419919762315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604672211188928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989546324616378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556180571601173,0.0,0.0,0.1292778924347786,0.07330815596090172,0.06894996217138638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395679722801826,0.1644239011689226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525702091330197,0.0,0.0,0.059272798918529324,0.0,0.0,0.07359571871691167,0.0,0.1930444130588494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596373054840286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574398852921625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211537000307413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625663934851056,0.1874047925343768,0.0,0.2032324699186803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121043304674685,0.0,0.0,0.08356932661323441,0.0,0.0,0.0773145637922039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059170312395058475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32201414136508205,0.0,0.1039733665488794,0.058348148137450276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307904636702539,0.0,0.10637439183345143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575061625140296,0.08236734161761214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680895997111781,0.3105743180558456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692526326553244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629060064143045,0.0,0.0,0.12828080006025822,0.0,0.0,0.08782473689813439,0.08391797802208617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499113456036387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831669210152888,0.0,0.0,0.044735382707133904,0.0,0.0,0.07330815596090172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988635198926714,0.07986703619009072,0.0,0.06626046044216435,0.0,0.0,0.18100307924826484,0.060895858035907725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922683594932896,0.0,0.08822289981989265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761771535837072
suicidewatch,Nepenthe666,2018/04/08,"It's back. I've tooken the route of confiding in this thread. My numbing depression is back in full force not to mention my anxiety. It took me months to improve on myself. However, I find myself back at square one. I no longer have any  meaningful friends anymore. I lost the two that meant the most.  One became toxic/disrespectful towards me and the other turned a blind eye to it. I couldn't let them be in my life any longer. In this bleak world. They helped me gain hope. Now that they are gone and that fact that I'm jobless...it sucks. Not to mention that jobs in my city are mostly hospitality. I can't fake a smile. People say I look older than I am. I've just lost my nativity and sense of hope in this world. When I was  alot younger. Hopefully things get better. *sighs*",1.1546893039049202,3.6744923806451615,2.2844821731748723,93.21409168081496,86.48387096774192,5.5857385398981325,19.770797962648558,7.0608816371341465,0.3761612903225804,609,18,130,9,19,193,100,155,0.13,0.716,0.154,0.7222,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,4,6,12,1,0,7,0,10,4,1,0,1,17,23,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,13,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,6,1,3,6,5,21,5,16,14,4,21,0,3,4,0,8,12,1,6,7,85,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451225259819035,0.0,0.12628132204298306,0.0,0.16370926373219036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807956439140193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599472785539375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217817881382494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087484121678904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753592841468256,0.0,0.08624446373801219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064576617015284,0.0,0.0,0.4918678243826888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638106862347422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879956815035113,0.1165967993213166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862076493354186,0.0,0.3603960095595332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131760662882895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237171194064552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444167535157007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127364073394315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966797292737378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340352585582487,0.0,0.17955334280705676,0.1612535210621313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soitis,2018/04/08,Anyone got a link to a pdf of ...or Not to Be : A Collection of Suicide Notes? Would really appreciate it. Thank you,0.21942028985506928,2.581161086956527,3.817391304347826,81.34898550724641,90.30434782608695,8.284057971014493,20.71014492753623,8.841846274778883,2.063388405797101,87,3,18,3,3,32,19,23,0.165,0.624,0.211,0.0661,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458403063254713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955819341298837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316857535289766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5410191413692265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553671354986997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513542070627206,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisawaylater20,2018/04/08,"feeling ungrateful A mental health talker came to my school a while ago. He cut off his legs as they were useless to walk on and got bullied for it when he was a student. He didn't suicide because his brother wanted to help him do it and he realised the impact on his brother and family. 

I have an average life. Married parents, siblings, school. Our relationship is a bit rough but I guess somehow they do care for me. I tried improving my life. Doing hobbies, cleaning, studying but it all seems so pointless. School, job, marrying, kids, retirement- I don't want this :(

I won't come to a revelation suddenly like what suicide survivor stories or mothers who have their newborn baby, and be cured. Depression comes back to you. 

Yes I'm young but I know life gets even worse when you hit thirty. I don't know anyone genuinely happy at this age and over. There are more bad things over good things. I want out of this, I don't want anybody to remember me after my death. Yes I feel guilt but I'd rather take my own life than to slowly waste away.",2.1014671235810667,4.713924000000006,3.197986720925253,87.85484686228317,82.39901477832512,5.894966802313129,25.574855429428144,7.255503002510835,1.387864596273292,824,34,157,12,23,264,135,203,0.17800000000000002,0.652,0.17,0.0333,2,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,1,2,3,0,8,9,1,1,7,2,15,6,1,0,1,28,34,15,3,5,6,4,3,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,10,9,0,0,6,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,5,3,26,4,21,26,4,21,0,2,0,0,24,8,0,4,10,101,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611077203952128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158813043601216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306522029838173,0.10071978983929304,0.10936744902096136,0.07984756532484852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430022773880879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981255513020975,0.13354848090901614,0.0,0.0,0.2256648773411219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281764788067213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865147093786735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348150336419456,0.0,0.13246044260442852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843453491124862,0.0,0.0,0.1098644507502788,0.10476109672167892,0.0,0.14429533234955175,0.0,0.0,0.13943653584461976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923149671892687,0.0,0.0,0.08779684190228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998293038288236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397244704813986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700758234375868,0.0639929152266614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200260942188136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544393361672026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406294427773088,0.14838107510464493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976930579953056,0.0,0.11924431002721028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28655382719602085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984848196771985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404193606543053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893057898215316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090346449911136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334854488213762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chuck_lives_on,2018/04/08,"I just feel like a worthless piece of shit... I am super drunk as I write this, if that matters. I am a freshman college student at a prestigious US university, so by all means I should be a happy person with few worries. But it seems as though the people I have thought of as friends over the past several months don't really think of me as a valuable member of the friend group. I was not invited on a spring break trip I would have loved to go on, and just a few minutes ago one of the people in the group told me how they really felt about me, and apparently I'm too much of a basic ""bro"" and not really good with the group. I'm just really hurt and wasted and will strongly consider suicide when I am sober. Sorry for the rant and I hope everyone has a good night.",5.233853727144869,4.8423927088607615,6.2680590717299625,81.39206047819972,68.1139240506329,9.8070323488045,29.58087201125176,9.444778638647367,2.3180104078762307,600,19,128,11,9,201,101,158,0.165,0.6659999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.2017,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,1,2,9,14,1,0,16,0,12,3,1,1,1,28,24,16,1,4,7,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,6,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,4,2,15,11,21,16,5,14,0,2,0,1,12,5,1,3,7,91,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426641324808351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378564153093008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137640375759471,0.11497599774922315,0.15452821613557108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486846187177705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146625261473963,0.269978681244786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132426279651805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985033117939054,0.0,0.0,0.17229024237888033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786274483871644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525517624296755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531149620484876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846125252051396,0.0,0.11830986004214405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510318519350013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090575166382434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363601478027464,0.22315189730450613,0.14052712531495334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124106813322945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651427894663613,0.0,0.1818170695845906,0.16520321448898426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015982679036951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604289614088764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312423883705728,0.15812332366888568,0.12776886021820022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378564153093008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359172730913385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344299289561315,0.0,0.11432758557500587,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ayad106,2018/04/08,"Suicidal I'm feeling really miserable right now. I'm having suicidal thought because I was obsessed with this one girl and we were good friends but I was late and she got a boyfriend, he treats her like shit and I would be much better than him if we were together. Really mest me up.",1.5782142857142851,4.230184678571433,2.9121428571428574,88.43285714285715,86.14285714285714,7.485714285714287,25.857142857142854,8.418075326091056,2.224207142857143,226,10,45,6,7,73,44,56,0.211,0.603,0.18600000000000005,-0.3912,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,1,1,8,1,2,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,11,12,5,2,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,1,9,5,3,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,8,2,1,1,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632758815425699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268063534058423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966720672040094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813016043026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150954076033479,0.20510393167615312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28928315882162703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528695215244853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188517904094707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377498760535853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285727717171649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219004164776036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632389534910926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610223492686145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035901126780522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217244788499354,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CollegeStudentLife,2018/04/08,"Where do you find hope? #AnotherDepressedStudent Where do you find hope? I can’t think of a good reason to live, but can’t talk myself into death either. Instead, every day death and heartbreak swallow my soul a little, suffocating me into a homebound life that’s not very far from death, or at least not living. I’m barely functional and haven’t been for years. I’m not sure I could actually work the full-time job I need to find to survive. I can’t seem to find one more classic to get my college degree. I keep telling myself that there are things to look forward to in life, but I can’t find anything more to look forward to. I don’t get any more family memories, my siblings and grandparents are dead. The rest of the family is lucky to see each other every few years or less. I don’t believe I can ever get my college degree. I’m not sure I can even get a fucking job, let alone have a decent career. My head is hell and my health is shit, so I”m not sure I could have a baby, let alone raise a child of my own. I think I”m destined for lifelong familyness, not having a family ever again.

I basically have no religion anymore, I don’t think I believe in a God or eternity though I did as a kid. My childhood family was extremely religious, so I feel alone in my agnostic views. I don’t get to see my dead siblings or grandparents ever again, and coming to that realization this year is crushing. I’m feeling the loss of all my grandparents, aunts/uncles, 2 siblings, and friends who have died over the years now that I think I’ll never see them again for all of eternity. I don’t have much family to speak off, haven’t seen one relative in over a year... we’re just not close. No siblings (that are still alive). No close family or even nearby family, they’re all 1000+ miles away. I can’t affrod travel or to relocate. I can’t find a fucking job here either. I can’t graduate college no matter how hard I try. I’m running out of time to have babies, but I haven’t found anyone I want to spend life with. I don’t date. I don’t/can’t drive. I”m insecure and feel unloveable, like no one would want to marry me anyway. I’m on the autism spectrum, and I have one friend. One. I can’t afford to Uber/Lyft to go places, so I can’t “go make new friends.” I can’t physically drive. My city is very surburban and very spread out, there’s no bus and it’s not walkable. I can’t afford to move anywhere. I don’t have health insurance so I can’t get treatment again for depression, anxiety, ADD, OCD, etc. 

I am, was, a college student. I just graduated a certificate program at one school this semester, but lack my bachelor’s degree from my old tier 1 school by one class. One fucking class that I can’t do. So I have no idea. I can’t find a job where I live, partly because I can’t drive. (My eyesight sucks, austism spectrum, blah blah.) There’s no public transit. I can’t afford to move to a more urban area without a job. I don’t have a family. I’ve maxed out my credit cards, on top of defauling on $200,000 worth of private student loans (yeah, I know I know... I had plans to go to law school for patent law, and could’ve easily paid those back had I not flunked out.)

I haven’t had a steady full-time job in the better part of a decade, mostly taking random shit classes at random schools here and there. 

I stay up all night, and sleep the day away because I dread every second of my life. I don’t want to go to sleep every night, fearing each next day more than the previous one, wondering what else is going to break my heart or if I’ll choose to be fucking done with life itself.",2.30415027605245,4.003631809782611,3.8604839544513454,88.19271135265701,76.69021739130434,7.009972394755003,23.503191856452734,7.848740169899961,1.0939728088336786,2796,87,596,43,63,929,301,736,0.168,0.753,0.08,-0.9974,12,3,0,0,0,0,109.0,0,2,1,6,32,29,8,3,29,1,69,18,6,3,11,106,120,33,6,11,26,1,4,3,3,1,7,1,1,2,15,27,1,1,22,2,5,15,48,16,0,10,11,12,77,13,74,103,24,80,3,4,7,4,14,36,8,16,32,373,92,26,0.0,0.0,0.04753239145247922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134169967137992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03312339574807489,0.0,0.037261807827530004,0.0,0.048305664100499184,0.03405805965255308,0.0,0.040082879270503406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152632757374947,0.03745376823622181,0.0,0.05938440123187709,0.0,0.0,0.1097554187107281,0.0,0.04307863906689678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041957990720967966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666912931451387,0.0,0.0,0.09423870367528854,0.0,0.04195249060209947,0.0,0.05055164968648255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984562465933535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068963461644525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432276356824258,0.06434290379801426,0.13217866296102726,0.16415577783957327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673437060059099,0.05481051402374574,0.07388532172807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31163029289960115,0.0,0.0,0.053406268213246,0.11289601293711475,0.18012059691878632,0.15268883388314625,0.0,0.13841058729654307,0.04085431157438196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043633176833698266,0.0,0.0499888910960472,0.10354954508172687,0.0,0.05771971198696985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675690251038424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498587714693909,0.1578403553780747,0.0,0.2900135449245851,0.043294281536496886,0.0,0.0,0.0535377473756313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996153186873915,0.17202098692541326,0.02379647355781644,0.04881863280236905,0.12903128119368834,0.0,0.08180561020893838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251324844474563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353868356334728,0.03580629301689815,0.03611667610085039,0.03756693612994079,0.047042895365904114,0.05180195704413454,0.09141910477018647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511112929437991,0.0,0.29705477257329704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054929440888698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088993163413656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008036793205999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718208503117932,0.11644291284486905,0.044342316027202136,0.0,0.0,0.09999698593538872,0.0,0.0,0.09748719288001004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191669464718985,0.03889860697290738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772132766803308,0.0,0.03662266985327718,0.03914998279449596,0.042573305817235764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03235970978086248,0.12484155459668128,0.04785577514906291,0.0,0.028402271289135656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03306981974073947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056864248449575,0.08618846397213772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046953178524871735,0.05282220351291656,0.035460309730153065,0.0,0.0,0.034601063914325735,0.0,0.0,0.15683312692026466
suicidewatch,donglynogg,2018/04/08,"Best way to go I just can't stop thinking about dying, and it's kinda got to the point where I started to think everything through, not just methods but the pain felt through them or the way that I'd just end up as a number and well

What's the best way to go, painless, easy, quick, or long, hard and painful, or somewhere in between? Is it better to go out a way commonly done or to try to go out in a crazy ball of glory? 

Just, would it be better to be completely forgotten afterwards or go out in an insane way that gets talked about by desensitized people online for years? Maybe it's my way of keeping myself from doing it but I just wanted other people's opinion",4.2647607461476085,4.830700423357669,5.161265206812653,85.17130575831307,70.31386861313868,7.840713706407138,27.63098134630981,7.793537801064563,1.52533803730738,526,17,109,6,9,172,83,137,0.119,0.6729999999999999,0.207,0.9354,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,4,10,8,0,0,8,0,7,2,0,0,0,28,20,11,1,2,13,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,3,1,0,5,2,2,1,0,3,2,6,6,26,14,2,28,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,7,8,77,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672138961129916,0.2251956833488108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348506758732126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213060512286506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028521501893356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276136842159368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442055176226565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224027072604095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651569283299925,0.0,0.3617740423571901,0.0,0.10182369091021533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404727826342642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316148242945814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266783774915208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790283782290912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270939629434482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652535583275475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203517642775148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011266795177086,0.0,0.0,0.10643921665189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232922069345912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315382638985906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864370464811237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509239869768276,0.6063299346722523,0.0,0.0,0.11446951315859275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043937322024327,0.0,0.0,0.08198528076454377
suicidewatch,Taytooooon,2018/04/08,"I don’t know what to do anymore I broke apart a razor for the first time in 2 years. I wanna cut so badly. No body can explain what’s going on with me. Everything’s so much worse out of nowhere, my PTSD, my depression, everything. My own girlfriend says she doesn’t think I can be helped. I don’t know what to do, I’m lost I’m confused I wanna cut and down some pills. I’m feeling exactly like I did before when it was bad. 

Edit: I can’t take pretending to be happy for her and everyone else anymore. it’s too hard to pretend",0.0055343771272973186,2.129322283185843,2.419469026548672,93.19814840027227,87.23008849557522,5.600816882232811,21.08168822328114,7.010146845296331,0.5503892443839349,410,14,92,6,13,140,75,113,0.268,0.655,0.077,-0.9654,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,1,2,0,12,2,1,0,1,14,23,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,3,14,2,14,18,3,10,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,2,5,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897527590253889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281405723837435,0.0,0.0,0.1672080401032388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182685246025744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924618742573086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415153016528578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877653083786258,0.35320519906979536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935690610761744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714381224091374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167615492236786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917917119238347,0.17602646990418708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317106059124481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159838306771249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600055601075802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450426180120405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445098472068574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296993761941579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626563365119311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774444036722406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259100284902522,0.0,0.0,0.11458142439049727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025150066704125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654032412551072
suicidewatch,AngryIkeaDwarf,2018/04/08,"Breaking point It's been 3 months since my girlfriend broke up with me, 2 months since she blocked my number. I tried killing myself twice since then. I made mistakes after she broke up with me like bombarded her with texts about my emotions because I was in love with her and still. I have been for 9 years. I invaded her privacy by going on her tumblr and reddit. Telling her horrible things like ""I meant nothing to you"". I left everything she gave me and everything we did together on her car and wrote things on the back of her drawings and paintings with stuff like ""You never cared about me"". I found out she got into another relationship a month and a half after she left me and i did all of that. 3 days later i tried to kill myself because of the guilt. I still love her. I'm sorry for everything.",3.6061635832521897,5.433060531645573,4.086708860759494,87.41023855890946,73.43037974683544,7.3931840311587145,26.077896786757545,8.139509932561175,1.5593382667964946,636,22,127,10,13,200,90,158,0.168,0.731,0.101,-0.8842,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,1,2,0,0,5,12,2,1,4,0,6,2,0,1,2,23,17,8,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,2,11,0,37,6,25,6,1,27,0,2,0,2,23,11,0,0,16,92,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393675967685092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219949292197723,0.0,0.16204125724000318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551047963046078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571587660192233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495057247063479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583524875289269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572882215280786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755357471511214,0.0,0.10630017179333846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940901777768743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28881394486827744,0.0,0.0,0.19479916004190628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23991270991050226,0.1257625411463173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182621921762937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250829232715812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275306135099871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564279593451386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269546992376894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298332761112299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878172806036868,0.0,0.0,0.21228400212920454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215001305725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616909249536884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659883565510653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180474166829292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558960446131074
suicidewatch,girlexperiment,2018/04/08,"3am i just need to vent cuz i can’t sleep not sure if this is the appropriate sub for this, sorry

to start off, i am a lesbian. 
my girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for 5 years, almost 6
she visited me in october of 2017 for what would be the last time; stayed a month and then went home. we had a long conversation about loneliness and family the day before she left. i thought things would be fine.

shortly after arriving home she became very distant with me and blamed it on a sudden depressive episode; i believe this still because she’s had problems with that in the past. she expresses that she is suicidal and of course i’m worried for her. after a few weeks of sparse interaction and me freaking out a lot, she says she’s going to get help and then pretty much drops off the map for me. i am convinced she has killed herself and lied about going to the hospital.

what i don’t know is that she’s blocked me on pretty much every platform, and decided to move on with her life; i did not find out about this until february, so around three months later (after effectively failing to get in touch with her or any family, and pretty much grieving someone i thought i had lost to suicide)

i also struggle with mental issues (bipolar and ptsd) and i felt i could not cope with this, so i saw a counselor and a doctor to medicate me and help me move on. i was beginning to feel like i could move forward with my life, however after finding out she just ghosted me and nothing happened to her, i had a huge nervous breakdown and relapsed. 

since then, i have lost a lot of weight from just not eating and i find myself crying constantly, like, inconsolably. i’m unhappy, i’ve withdrawn a lot from my social circle and i’ve dropped so many hobbies that used to make me happy because they remind me of her. i have nightmares about her damn near every night. i have no idea what to do. i really just want to lay down and die. 

i don’t blame her at all. i respect her decision to leave me in whatever way she’s chosen. i just don’t understand why i wasn’t even worth a text or a phone call telling me that it’s over. i don’t know how to pick myself up. even when i try, if i manage to get through the whole day without thinking of her, i still have this stupid recurring dream of carrying her body to a train station to go to her funeral but fucking up over and over and taking the wrong trains or not having the money, losing my ticket, etc etc 
i can’t even tell anyone because i’m not out to my family or current friends.
i figured i’d feel better writing it SOMEWHERE at least. 

i know this is like a first world problem, and i’m being dramatic but it hurts so much. its been months but i still haven’t gotten over it. it’s just a stupid breakup and EVERYONE has those. i don’t wanna die but it feels like i’m kind of wasting away anyway. i can’t force myself to eat or take care of myself or talk to anyone. 
anyway thanks for listening",4.190726405090139,5.050926429765892,5.134413084264622,84.22951586589446,70.65551839464881,8.108393833102209,28.464964515865887,8.331364938255728,1.8775527693939145,2327,83,473,34,41,762,280,598,0.136,0.777,0.087,-0.9743,2,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,1,0,1,7,26,32,5,2,26,0,39,12,2,6,2,102,79,47,8,11,25,0,6,4,2,2,5,2,2,0,25,36,3,1,19,2,2,9,18,18,0,2,17,9,84,14,85,55,13,79,0,7,1,2,44,34,2,12,38,341,109,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984739898778121,0.0,0.0,0.05578132534309544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047434326865082636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975456228121526,0.0,0.0,0.062094820954523997,0.0,0.0,0.06553509446787598,0.0,0.0,0.12756206157775,0.0,0.0593545339782839,0.07858757063942128,0.0,0.06169072343740185,0.0,0.07747968669398007,0.0,0.0,0.07122545408829101,0.0,0.07111767476784661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537804583011967,0.0,0.11138394257762428,0.0,0.0766202254373723,0.08996962967351364,0.0,0.060078023616885676,0.0,0.1447848821440434,0.0,0.0,0.07139499304751451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274914952119194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558572212273142,0.13821328978842512,0.0,0.117539561493884,0.06665183306509091,0.0,0.0,0.1972703246714356,0.0,0.1058074035656527,0.09966289352094293,0.0669736703841943,0.0,0.19125851131526966,0.05933173474665384,0.0,0.0,0.053890875401715985,0.06448538167977594,0.1093289484892624,0.0,0.1189264486530284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168221091085699,0.07425320108065245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350772401977736,0.0,0.1399355826661466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467186376740885,0.078742472220795,0.0,0.07280384834087013,0.0,0.0,0.07717118879879069,0.07263685472826613,0.11500301907226003,0.05685787886848347,0.0,0.0738581918657199,0.07578667072677048,0.0,0.0985369952227606,0.13631086783043547,0.0,0.0,0.12345814654194985,0.0,0.07803559202447645,0.1522869413181963,0.17790412456905794,0.0,0.0,0.04656056600909761,0.07071843719214098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026865346688937,0.07029446221681923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167028167384685,0.22240870757988102,0.2051054692228149,0.05172085110107179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545832031177372,0.0,0.0669297364992019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658698372605329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128911614137759,0.0,0.1334881056265217,0.08153734366295391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468545894918935,0.0,0.0,0.07488845179028115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547026241358443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770027460129368,0.0,0.06980322016800633,0.07110424180142272,0.05910135963323147,0.0,0.0,0.07808259978453386,0.049371423058837946,0.07434725238859655,0.16711413755244367,0.0,0.0,0.07292081908012066,0.0,0.1525965832579717,0.0,0.06574123139008484,0.0,0.10489091793031644,0.05606469501981582,0.12193412289132545,0.06421904854346795,0.0,0.0,0.046340691113889006,0.044694806898143966,0.0,0.11075193571264108,0.04067344514693708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047357603395562685,0.0,0.0,0.07261517212879602,0.0,0.06024406275561806,0.0,0.057553402644124035,0.04114203550815376,0.055366562027962266,0.05595152523106692,0.08494017428959441,0.0,0.06466158659975213,0.06294109370013341,0.07787656097989397,0.0,0.06723925392319681,0.0,0.0,0.07083740048609312,0.0,0.09910084026859674,0.07626378656604724,0.0,0.044918545563319486
suicidewatch,kramdenireba,2018/04/08,"I am afraid and scared. I’m okay now. It’s just the thought that scares me. I wrote this... Today on April 8, 2018, I am in the middle of killing myself. It is 12:19 am and I’m in bed deciding how to do it. I ask myself, “Do I overdose on the drugs, I have been stealing from my father?” “Do I get into my car and drive and find a place to crash?” “Do I hang myself?” “Do I drive to a place where I just have to jump?” All of these things come into my mind and I think, “Am I going to do it?” “ Am I going to finally go through with it?” I recall and think back of memories of my sister and my girlfriend, while it is comforting, I find no solace in staying any longer. Will they miss me? Yes, but it’s for the better. I don’t do anything with my life. What have I contributed in society, nothing. I feel worthless. I’m not worth anything. I’m sorry. ",-1.1871777163904262,0.8392565690607725,1.4330179558011091,98.22109231123392,93.80662983425415,4.342633517495397,16.933931860036832,5.985473137389443,-0.5004974217311235,633,17,152,6,24,216,97,181,0.105,0.8240000000000001,0.071,-0.4118,0,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,1,3,6,2,20,2,0,1,1,27,36,10,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,12,12,0,0,7,0,1,9,3,7,0,0,3,1,30,3,23,32,1,28,0,2,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,109,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745178199223565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842586329919923,0.0,0.16146474187601878,0.0,0.0,0.13280678874611196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275193892224748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487782477519018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200293985683353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732964021396288,0.0,0.0,0.18920029150043885,0.3157158463047787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023619722994068,0.0,0.29447289006621313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108300342613985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219933584594938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439240867979405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657242199823161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608997822175144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458346876908228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333974135155216,0.0,0.1840906756009038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147438386879392,0.22133695418159824,0.0,0.13711601985559824,0.0,0.0,0.163713150131045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ffence,2018/04/08,"I don't want to kill myself and I probably won't but I'm sure that is the only solution I've been severely depressed for more than 3 years now and have been getting treatment for it. I've tried SSRIs, TCAs, Stimulants and everything else that had the potential to help me and nothing has worked enough. I don't want to keep living such a life. Irreversibel MAOIs are not approved in my country, I think or I wish that they could work if they were available here. 


I don't want to kill myself at all and I have no intention of doing so, I wish I could fix it all but deep down I know that it cannot be fixed and that death is the only possible solution. Since recently I've been feeling like my cognition is deteriorating and I don't even know why I'm writing this post.  ",2.8907205452775067,4.539918607594938,4.310759493670886,85.80390944498541,74.9493670886076,8.15267770204479,26.077896786757545,8.841846274778883,1.8853509250243428,612,22,129,13,13,203,96,158,0.151,0.679,0.17,0.6379,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,2,3,5,5,2,0,4,0,22,1,0,2,3,30,35,12,3,8,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,1,18,2,11,26,4,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,86,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548804573691896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747685512781388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333851990872705,0.0,0.0,0.1649257899628382,0.0,0.10542473089189848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345238944959127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070654467710675,0.11402955980684493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339266788901785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698710655309772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418738574333394,0.3531824685241696,0.0,0.17544133933876213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274136032965408,0.07798021764402867,0.0,0.14094367618413572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315566549125628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279001776594195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994283240725736,0.1528678150459696,0.0,0.17209282951356167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760134685109864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032042179204688,0.0,0.13203583964049734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043600304452376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227535998995088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836865111824953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28243660400446924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402843334825322,0.0,0.3671005867088801,0.0,0.0,0.23240440763322395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027873423456784
suicidewatch,kat_og,2018/04/08,"I'm not getting anywhere Diagnoses: major depressive, panic disorder, generalized social phobia, and ADHD. I've been suicidal for about 10 years. I'm on all my meds and it's been 5-6 months on them. I've been depressed (the kind of depressed prior to meds) for about a month and feel like I haven't made any recovery. I can't provide for myself and tired of living like this.",3.7039639639639645,5.478546243243244,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,73.05405405405405,8.176576576576577,27.1981981981982,8.841846274778883,2.25361981981982,298,11,55,6,6,100,53,74,0.303,0.637,0.06,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,9,10,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,1,5,3,10,6,2,6,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250722605756149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735574394338495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839078720863426,0.19008364858696133,0.0,0.0,0.21463728811338725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469359348240984,0.13379173677336775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784524197002653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502164957326612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829895471004623,0.0,0.16537027114583955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720736404831355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160481993337137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989676875044618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197308680839488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909067591052184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485218899926524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152489877556608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060115880515344
suicidewatch,estoytriste14,2018/04/08,"narcissist mother makes me want to kill myself she hurts me so much and doesn't even realize.
her abuse has shaped me, my personality. i can't escape it. it's with me in everything i do, everything i think.
death seems like the only way to escape this pain",2.4176470588235257,4.702595078431377,4.121333333333337,83.68200000000002,78.6078431372549,8.00156862745098,20.003921568627447,8.841846274778883,1.370243921568627,203,5,41,5,5,68,41,51,0.364,0.575,0.061,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,1,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,8,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,11,1,4,8,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,27,14,0,0.0,0.3242051907762018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807291340948632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918395505443219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292511524597786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302729545401024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368113052890224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264923996828944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201148532320068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810690862805464,0.29116016203665884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892197149241834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491012343650036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533018195870662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139325958461007,0.2171936756973384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrwitawynw8,2018/04/08,"My dad found my note. Ever since I told him how I felt I've been getting a wierd vibe from him. He told me he would always love me. But I just feel like jumping off a bridge or something.

I know what I'm feeling/have done is wrong. (Read other posts)

I've ruined his relationship and our own. Now I'm sure I need to leave.

Dad if you read this I'm so sorry and I love you. ~A",-1.8374999999999984,0.06193263095238066,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,97.6904761904762,3.276190476190476,12.952380952380953,4.7782277997778095,-1.5829333333333335,287,5,74,1,12,96,60,84,0.108,0.735,0.157,0.7235,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,15,17,7,0,3,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,16,4,3,10,1,5,0,1,0,2,15,1,0,2,3,40,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307904869884854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056540828775496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728381501145435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909823125661574,0.14001501034443628,0.1881807525421144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489248178794645,0.0,0.0,0.10239647751784164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771075931525256,0.0,0.0,0.20752468913471886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575061938838306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35377653427459704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453238060044456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770386153598034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920852777814851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041948475821914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212462351355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508823702826434,0.0,0.21939431277408392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847178798035688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37455292602450013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922538956220562,0.21428386208167075,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckubitchh,2018/04/08,would kill myself but im a pussy and i wanna live and make my shitty life better but i fucking cant! i want a fucking GIRLFRIEND but i cant get one!!!,-2.5272549019607844,-0.9614205882352956,0.8494117647058843,99.06568627450982,107.8235294117647,2.266666666666667,14.490196078431374,3.1291,-1.3798862745098035,116,3,27,0,6,41,23,34,0.3,0.591,0.108,-0.7794,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,9,8,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107941811088555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5876252554438564,0.16604396637375032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432921451332233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516125542683847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448043835725787,0.0,0.0,0.280634348574347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121423784895366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21535804295102404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745410583916286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257649526939161,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacc13373737,2018/04/08,"The greatest illusion of life: hope I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’m the way I am. You don’t know how much you mean to me and I know it’s pathetic. You keep me sane, wanted, heard, but above all you listened to me. 

For my whole life I’ve kept everything inside me because I had no one to express to. But for some reason I trusted you and confessed my entire life to you. All the shit moments, all the times I’ve broken down and cried. You listened to all of them. You listened when no one would.  You don’t know how much you mean to me.

You said you’re as fucked in the head as I am.  When we were still talking we built ourselves up. Not by saying everything is going to be okay but just by listening. Listening as word after word come out, years worth of pain and hopelessness. I was feeling hopeful, maybe something more. You listened when no one would, but you don’t know how much you mean to me.

Now you hate me. Ignoring me. Because I’m more fucked in the head than you are I guess. I always believed I would know when I’m losing my mind, when I’m going insane, so that maybe I can stop myself from doing dumb shit. But I realized staying insane is comforting, losing my mind is relieving. Losing you is losing myself also. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no one to tell how shit my day went and try to make each other forget about it. You don’t know how much you mean to me.

The one thing I ask for you is to remember me at least. The little time we had together. At least I was apart of your life. That’s all that matters. Give coco my regards.

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m losing my mind and myself. I just wanted someone to listen then being the one to listen to others. Someone please save me. I just need hope again.",0.3949822904368361,2.6268908732782386,2.2787859110586366,94.11869834710743,86.54820936639118,4.889649744195199,18.560212514757968,6.307378622147532,-0.09007957497048392,1349,36,293,13,42,446,155,363,0.207,0.655,0.138,-0.9832,0,0,1,0,0,1,46.0,3,21,1,6,20,24,7,0,9,1,28,12,5,7,5,71,77,28,0,9,9,0,1,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,9,12,0,4,16,0,1,4,11,15,0,6,10,12,64,9,40,62,18,31,1,6,0,2,42,9,6,5,16,210,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746253170898361,0.05978923497632791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126099357049362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717485875442536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876044561889933,0.0,0.0,0.08095613974791838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189684300327902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892950027028092,0.04634062265607063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424557056711761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291575381424716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036332119187681484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285784325663028,0.0,0.06893000045217433,0.08167386707204198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915654077657072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094207726472837,0.14748821337308615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141051097035467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386815243431389,0.0,0.0,0.2764279510269588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030136493770745,0.0,0.07201773007430738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019376246042196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796386576026677,0.0,0.14437629779102926,0.3130852621140013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176596317833479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112871907651941,0.053279677887374366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921454261814874,0.0,0.0764589380666921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078875369062067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387905422001233,0.0,0.0,0.0813978694303116,0.0,0.0683506954320694,0.0571420935813383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127481438776572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217652585728308,0.05531759942549858,0.0,0.2413078483762145,0.0,0.0765880215570092,0.057383609831561475,0.060074116812225485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775444193043777,0.06280456192062467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773736400434357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379862318057217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878492524229402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476404981123471,0.05703526774562364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661043722944389,0.0,0.08022370080254218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313149538744414,0.0,0.0,0.046272356077555296
suicidewatch,Stephanson1997,2018/04/08,"Frustrated and hating myself. Hi all,

Writing this is super difficult for be because I've been through depression and spates of wanting to commit suicide myself but in the end this isn't about me. It's about my girlfriend.

Starting off I'll give a bit of context and backstory to the situation. We started dating a year ago and while she had depression then she was high functioning and her risk assessment was very low (I have training in risk assessment and prevention) however, after a while she had to move a good distance away for post-secondary. It was around this time she started to degrade. I made it a point to visit her as often as I could (about once a week for a weekend) as my job allowed it. I recently lost my job and moved down to be with her, initially I hoped that that would help her but it seemed to have to opposite effect. Recently I got a new job and have been working longer hours. Tonight I came home to her in the worst of her episodes to date. She shut me out of our room and broke down. I've been trying to get her to agree to go see a professional but she insists that doing so gives her depression power and that she wants to die. Her risk assessment was vastly worse that when I had previously done it and to be honest I'm running out of ideas. My biggest fear is coming home to find that she's hurt herself or worse. I need help. ",3.8036825396825407,5.373812659259257,4.5894708994709,85.05833333333338,72.4074074074074,7.957671957671959,28.41269841269841,8.563005593585519,2.0500476190476187,1078,42,215,19,21,347,146,270,0.226,0.691,0.083,-0.9932,6,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,2,0,0,5,7,20,2,4,12,0,23,0,0,3,2,39,43,23,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,15,18,0,1,4,1,0,7,1,16,0,0,15,1,37,4,43,23,3,45,0,7,1,0,28,17,0,4,21,153,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059090052249507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101897700019316,0.0,0.0,0.10661578693663208,0.0,0.0,0.06917479196350006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238879701388876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978795649549513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775076347057347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060249921390658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932138490462497,0.0,0.11777166319552125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612681595076314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050732675344354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769366454333678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037163210428248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592872769050017,0.21771579432153165,0.06449184218865005,0.0951794897429348,0.090758272241709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120354751283235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212306722024768,0.1198951418890002,0.2276542421663941,0.11270869897389252,0.11175241655471603,0.0,0.12147994265102804,0.12810221316261486,0.0,0.0,0.3378265372824274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387402673823013,0.0,0.0,0.10737509408128612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412171124771588,0.0,0.0841420812153727,0.0,0.10959721518755662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084976625184217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072728565368951,0.0,0.1086800160003818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409055682922455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904268248291435,0.10330559617446952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755339301990262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409597406247544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412589727680025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616960572003554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770437304538531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363076933980652,0.13386386416294238,0.0,0.09102475461813984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261292520123567,0.0,0.2312864046588424,0.08061111498433121,0.0,0.0,0.0730757485308846
suicidewatch,iguessw,2018/04/08,"I just dont know This is my second time around these parts. I'm just so tired of waiting for things to get better. I am in my Freshman year of college, and I have nobody. All my friends go to other schools. I sit by myself in my room watching anime and playing games all day. I dont even have fun, I just do it to kill time. I only ever leave my room to go to class and get food. I really just want to sleep all day. There is no reason to get out of bed. Nobody would miss me. Normally, my constant mood is just shitty. But I guess today, it's worse than usual. I really enjoy making lists and stuff, and I recently made a list about the biggest anime of all time. I was really proud of it, and I just got destroyed. Completely ruined. Everyone just ripped me apart. And this just relates back to my real life so effortlessly. I cant be passionate about the things that I like. I am so scared of judgement and failure, and whenever I try to talk about the things I like, I just look like an asshole. I hate it all. I am just so tired of waking up every fucking day and being myself. I just want it all to end so fucking badly. I dont know if I am actually going to do this but I think I might and I dont know. ",0.6036237980769243,2.5546340859375007,2.9078125000000017,91.75209134615385,83.140625,5.657211538461539,19.221153846153847,6.8449194561589275,0.17455817307692326,930,24,207,11,26,318,128,256,0.134,0.794,0.07200000000000001,-0.9222,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,24,20,5,1,5,0,21,9,2,3,7,49,44,19,1,5,14,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,15,13,1,1,5,2,0,3,6,9,0,1,3,2,38,10,29,37,7,27,0,2,2,3,3,9,2,3,17,151,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.1009844674162082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921217978277731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957202914661426,0.08640397140494938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915222922779899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849994270583843,0.11182834561517466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021389645747567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851251588323615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916552108360091,0.0,0.0,0.06834953674223225,0.09360628598044594,0.08718887947703953,0.09888242845517768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251320382785127,0.0,0.0799506988216365,0.19133670739792344,0.16219676833961574,0.0,0.17643529831920912,0.0,0.08276479781252115,0.0,0.11399817662208415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216802521461077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448859250045325,0.0,0.17061462952469325,0.0,0.0,0.10957354114865216,0.0,0.0,0.0730930938597549,0.15166968051812382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689964596949266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791810412686563,0.06907569717896538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097790956049814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013913554448136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870347450522024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206199024966894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778629417042827,0.1988815533346938,0.10639774539185418,0.10217696508298364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036045224369226,0.10473030723058922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355772087263128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184632616806824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831757048413704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062484944333481,0.06630771941572366,0.0,0.0,0.18102528519387756,0.23787694049232494,0.0980897714409417,0.0,0.0,0.07025815516577376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139718898807653,0.0,0.12207389341152684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545800424336932,0.07351134467778002,0.0,0.0,0.06663965061002812
suicidewatch,iuopkizt,2018/04/08,"Friends I'm lonely, always was, always will be. Even when I do get to know good people, they don't have time for me. I should've passed that point long ago, at my age some people have kids, all have a life of their own and surely no time or motovation for anything besides their daily routine.

One day they are going be the ones who'll have to remind me that they exist, or the ones to regret that I had to remind them. Meanwhile I'm contemplating how primitive our minds are. Wish me luck, either way.",4.157949080622348,5.08583297029703,4.757934936350782,86.64940594059406,70.78217821782178,6.9595473833097605,22.34936350777935,6.868970318607317,0.517061103253182,394,8,81,3,7,126,72,101,0.071,0.792,0.138,0.7964,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,6,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,14,1,0,1,2,13,20,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,2,0,14,4,8,14,4,12,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,4,7,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467352333153531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654709351603833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807226470651251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163210739135595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505220315835596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696723278734807,0.0,0.11473863961728815,0.0,0.1248110324074316,0.18420082254866812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069346813052095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511903672445698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435044395336484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174635396606107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44644601219454544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30450376931441364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760510972069088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069824934940592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25611601478996915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431844251200804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525439165571545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ensemaine,2018/04/08,I want to talk to someone I'm going through so much pain this year and I just want to talk to someone,0.7026086956521738,2.0780446956521783,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,80.30434782608695,4.6000000000000005,24.54347826086957,3.1291,-0.10393913043478252,80,3,20,0,2,26,15,23,0.154,0.733,0.112,-0.4549,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678589226510406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416040030065723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497189855313741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5569476084524198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283312939613571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877061107448149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116472165945328
suicidewatch,markswell5,2018/04/08,"Mike Call Hey Mike remember that time you told me I had to call you before if I ever was going to kill myself.  I think about that phone call all the time but it's because I wish I could kill myself but I'll never have the courage to.  I hate my life so much and I wish I could text this to you mike I really do but I won't bc I love you and I don't want you to feel bad even though let's be honest how bad would you really feel for me.  I mean  you're a nice person so a little but come on in general like who cares and I don't blame them for not caring duh like people got to worry about their own life but I don't want to even moderately bug you.  So I want to send this to someone.  Maybe I'll post it on reddit.  Then I'll at least have the false hope of upvotes somehow linking to magical fixes.  Maybe I can make enough false hope to be ok again.  Nothing will every really be ok.  Im in pain, a waste, worth much less than everyone else, and people are trash a lot of the time so that is saying something.  Life is terrible and I feel like all my hope for a better future is gone.",-0.4584329287270457,1.52095535714286,1.8788702147525669,97.29216464363523,87.86554621848741,5.038530967942733,14.697167755991284,6.42735559955562,-0.6956167444755681,837,14,203,9,27,283,126,238,0.196,0.61,0.194,-0.3881,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,7,2,1,13,22,3,0,9,3,22,5,0,2,4,40,45,18,2,12,7,0,3,3,0,3,4,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,7,0,1,4,6,7,0,0,5,4,33,15,24,31,9,19,0,0,0,1,20,6,0,6,11,130,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253797128238846,0.06298371707630714,0.0,0.08791883250504844,0.0,0.0,0.09137931034876967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165078561837708,0.0,0.2106859414767018,0.0,0.0,0.0890021676345943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498733179872938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631170413299774,0.0,0.0,0.10675854206959537,0.0,0.13648551352259142,0.0934600483040996,0.08705266748011631,0.0987279480544513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672709005324156,0.07381277094722123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058719886635626675,0.0,0.08263549739654369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200841184625856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078641484873271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116047545610342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286194623210658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565304892398117,0.2189367095791776,0.15143273252452655,0.10355510513511826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784009061923227,0.09325152434254788,0.0,0.06896778274414242,0.0,0.2076003045547665,0.11254720608737293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190611555528047,0.0,0.07968777077983852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991395921840324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099411681241044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325998647214727,0.0902161904727997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895326296360048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985708479592675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117042913153933,0.0,0.0,0.08216525989295649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754381830907508,0.07954179919888227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620412929130398,0.10151267133895034,0.0,0.1807424760129619,0.0,0.0,0.0987279480544513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828247727502101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376288356039637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049278147935334,0.0,0.07339650059313149,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakoSipper,2018/04/08,"Nothing to lose Each day, I lose more and more of the little hope I can muster. I just wanna say ""fuck you, assholes"" to everyone I know and vanish. For a while, I thought for a while it would be cruel to my adoptive mom (she didn't choose to adopt me, but rather sister died and my father was out of the picture), but I'm more and more convinced I'd be setting her free, rather than making her sad, just like when you have that very sick relative with no hope of getting better, and when they finally die people are more relieved than sad.

I deserve to die, and make room for someone who's worth it. Don't tell me otherwise, because it won't be true. You don't know me. I won't be missed and I know I'm the only one to blame.",4.3707843137254905,4.056651830065359,5.0766013071895415,88.94470588235296,69.91503267973857,7.845751633986929,27.45751633986928,6.937597516519254,1.0939359477124175,562,16,128,4,9,182,91,153,0.243,0.5820000000000001,0.174,-0.9439,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,1,3,6,15,2,0,5,0,14,2,0,2,1,28,27,13,3,6,6,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,5,0,2,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,20,9,17,17,6,10,0,5,0,1,13,3,1,2,7,86,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002959076637248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455133373918111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610818246427796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122682203436426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721538234876814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023447719210986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210525308121015,0.08596008865823943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268306544716094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712640115546592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038100461290397,0.1649021960732473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681337743542467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964998863112226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269544522615825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787088862129822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114897269056175,0.12513241260173388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140643252105072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084079031737406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940566110157085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380639563956504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306183725054112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357544089347428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687732938039624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HippieBarbie420,2018/04/08,"Blood Soaked Sheets The thoughts of leaving this world come and go, but tonight they are consuming my mind. 
As I lay here I contemplate taking the sharp razor to my wrists, cutting vertically to make sure that I can feel the blood pour from my arms, surrounding my body and soaking into my bed sheets. As I gaze up at my stars on my ceiling, feeling my body become lifeless finally taking my last breath. ",6.1255263157894735,7.164664710526317,5.553789473684212,82.3175263157895,66.36842105263158,8.71157894736842,32.305263157894736,8.841846274778883,2.5764399999999994,322,13,60,5,5,98,56,76,0.023,0.915,0.062,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,2,7,7,1,1,11,10,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,14,1,10,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27211061795786123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473518428766228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122371006537812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915725141563794,0.0,0.0,0.26990048557276464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002511198862136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083499371673533,0.0,0.2608839758794351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644625365556513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487765500232924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322130205331433,0.0,0.3704986408691818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956005460950623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tehaupal,2018/04/08,"viewpoints on suicide if i make this an analogy like by comparing this to lgbtq+ rights maybe that'll help. it's my right to die if i want to, (imo as long as it's non impulsive) just like it's lgbtq+ people's right to get married. 
altho it can be argued that coming out will make other ppl sad bc it """"""harms them spiritually"""""" or """"""mentally"""""" or smthg weird & dumb like that we'd say no bc it only matters how the lgbtq+ person itself feels bc it's their desicion.   
so altho you may think suicide is harmful for them, it's my choice. 
i won't force you to marry the same gender if you don't want to, i just want you to let myself do it. in the same way, i don't want to kill everyone, just myself. 
i rlly don't care if you want to do smthg that takes a lot of effort & is completely pointless. like have fun!!! i totally understand that you want to take full advantage of life bc why not? i have a chance to so might as well but i just want to be allowed to leave. i had a right to life, now i ask for a right to death. 
i'll prob wait until i'm 18 tho if i still feel the same way then. ((tho i may purposefully be more clumsy in the meantime )) & i'll try not to stage it as a suicide bc i don't want others to feel bad despite the fact it's MY descion like i already argued, so altho i don't have to & this part is just optional i'll make it seem like an accident. maybe get into a car crash or smthg. but it doesn't rlly matter if anyone feels bad bc they will die too. this is just my opinion tho.  
you cld also make it an analogy to women's rights or aborting or literally anything like that. & like i said before as long as it's NON IMPULSIVE it shld be allowed. 
i'm not the only one who recognizes the fact that they just don't want to live. life isn't BAD like there's no problem but i just don't want to. it's useless. nobody gains anything from it. so you can if you want, but i'll pass. at most our society that we've created is just a solution to boredom. & why am i being forced to??? stupid peer pressure to live & my own cowardice to go against society are the only things stopping me from doing it rn tbh. 
but at least once i'm 18 it can be a car accident or smthg & i won't feel bad. 
i cant wait until society realizes this, & instead of shaming us or telling us that we're selfish, they help us & give us painless quick ways to do it or let us do it without worrying about how others think it'll affect us or smthg. i'm not scared by the pain bc i'll be dead haha. & we're all gonna die anyway, i'm just gonna choose when & make sure it's my own choice. i'm only shaving off some years anyway. i guess i'll miss out on some experiences but i am totally cool with that, but thanks for wondering. i'm really not curious at all. i'd rather just skip out on that. it's pointless & meaningless anyway. & even if you believe that there is some sort of a purpose, irdc about it. irdc about anything tbh. bc it'll all go away. anyway, i tried to explain my viewpoints to the best of my ability. btw, i'm not saying everyone shld die. just those who want to non impulsively shld be allowed to. i have the right for my life, & i also have the right for my death. my way.
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suicidewatch,itsabitofathrowaway,2018/04/08,"welp. I discovered last week that I got into a top-choice college. It was amazing! I'd gone on a string of rejections for a while, and was really beginning to doubt myself, but to see myself get into THIS particular school... it was a euphoric feeling, to say the least.

But then I got the financial aid package.

I've pretty much accepted that I won't be attending this school. But it's a gut-punch. All of this work, and even more continual work to raise the funds, and it still won't be enough. I'll admit, I spent three days straight crying over this. It's all been for nothing. I've asked anyone if there's any sort of way short of a miracle to raise the money I need, but there really isn't. It's as if everything I've been doing these past few years of my life were just four years that I was pursuing the wrong thing.

It's just... I know this is extreme, but I've just lost a will to live. I HAVE grappled with suicidal ideation before, but never has it felt this intense before. They come and go in waves, so to speak, and usually in very stressful situations for me. I've always been able to work through it. I just get the feeling this is going to be a longer wave than usual.

Special thanks for reading my vent. I do believe I will be able to get through this as well, but at the same time I wish I'd just been rejected altogether from the school rather than accepted and unable to afford it. I'd probably have been able to move on easier, considering that this was my final decision following a string of rejections.

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suicidewatch,letysdsgoo,2018/04/08,"This is my suicide note. I'll just start and say thank you to my two most caring friends, I loved you guys. You all helped me through my suicide attempt. I could say anything to you all. I opened up to one of you about being molested as a kid, and it felt so good to tell you. I can't express how grateful I was for you all. When I was with you all I felt cared for, and I didn't always have my guard up, I felt safe for once....

Red I'm so sorry, I know you had so much hope for me, you wanted to see me get out of where I'm at, you wanted me to get to California. I was so close to 16 and I could go get myself help, im just too fucking weak. Two years of serious depression has took all hope I had left. I hope you make sure you kids have a good life, please make it a million times better than mine was.

Lastly, thank you Reddit. You all on this website have mostly raised me since I was 12, y'all were my parents in a sense. You all made life not suck as much. I would get lost in here for hours just to escape... Special shout-out to r/drugs, you guys helped me to not overdose on accident, I would have died at 13 without you all.

Well, I guess this is the end. I hope if you are feeling down you can get help before you end up like me. Please stay alive like I couldn't. I love you all, goodbye for the last time.",0.34519809007613844,1.9644712369338,1.9590398761130488,99.94975867853915,82.27526132404182,4.94871596335011,18.295134856110465,5.5874745759252304,-0.6604088527551943,1003,22,254,5,27,326,144,287,0.109,0.662,0.229,0.9877,1,0,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,23,0,3,14,27,3,0,6,0,25,6,0,4,10,50,60,13,3,12,7,1,4,2,1,2,3,2,0,4,5,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,7,1,4,15,8,58,20,38,39,13,28,0,2,2,3,39,15,2,8,12,169,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638507633531194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554369917559244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811516377324727,0.0,0.0,0.0811897700412554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719273623462096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658989521077614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906733217251903,0.0,0.09527405930531116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645902600657256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261536518896716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641691265448517,0.0,0.2644276121755549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092456592160107,0.08486775673681564,0.23980893971582906,0.0,0.05217213912645057,0.15399521590117915,0.0,0.0,0.10112821165969932,0.18179315683527436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461268141214275,0.0,0.0,0.36471303805689853,0.0904046531521748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915991184150053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050450960059396435,0.1496587445614869,0.0,0.0,0.09974112841685907,0.0,0.12968231748506054,0.08969782972724293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021070476225263,0.0,0.16570643373147165,0.08686351881122845,0.12255462204476085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496734154286208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977641606181279,0.06220615547464482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193319952845056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015379888760009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600632310810474,0.0,0.0,0.07315283182559687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593803030936899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276274887848316,0.06497661660304571,0.09784674239967947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082892229927446,0.0,0.08652055222218255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023737481190597,0.1690344834034246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705880801077904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199334118242084,0.0,0.0,0.17935080924764346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829221042692468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825393569883424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849206589884405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304243812356468,0.0,0.0,0.05911628493989265
suicidewatch,GetOffMyLawnTS,2018/04/08,"Fuck this bullshit Every day, I used to be hyped to go home from school to escape the pain. The standards are too high for me and everyone thinks I'm so smart when I'm actually just some dumbass kid who tries to hide his failing grades. My friends are all jerks, and they think I don't know that they don't like me. I spend most of my freetime at school trying to find people I remotely know so I don't have to look so fucking alone. I used to go home and just be able to sit and think about if everyone's life is like this, just sit in my room and cry. And I guess that was tolerable for a while. Now I don't even have that. My parents don't understand why I'm always so down and they always ask ""hey, are you okay?"" And I say yes and it just ends there, and they think they're taking care of me. They think I'm doing great, and I'm popular and smart. But I just live my life trying to fit in and achieve, failing, then coming home to my clueless and tormenting younger siblings. It's sad that I have to talk to online strangers about this, but my parents would just say it's bullshit and I'm overreacting and I'm perfectly fine. I'm fucking not. I'm a wuss so I can't end my life. I'm only 13 and everyone would probably think that I'm to young and immature to understand this shit, and I'm just complaining. I'm fucking not. I believe in God, and I'm praying for him to show me a sign that I'm just complaining, or that my life has a purpose, or that things get better, or even that he cares about me. I'm starting to question my faiths, but at the same time not because if he is still looking down on me I'll be punished. My life fucking sucks but I'm too worried about death, and at this point I don't think I can make a turnaround. I just want to fucking leave. 13 years old and I'm already at a break in point. Am I too weak? Is this a phase? Did life meant to be like this? There are so many people who go through this daily that it's hard to think this shit isn't twisted. It is twisted. Fuck this bullshit.",1.7459718999742186,3.1872784663573093,3.0968000773395197,94.1838905001289,77.5614849187935,6.3666151069863375,23.805168857953078,7.054809383877858,0.6175212168084556,1573,51,370,17,36,512,179,431,0.19,0.718,0.092,-0.9923,2,1,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,1,5,5,29,34,12,0,10,2,31,17,2,3,2,73,87,40,1,5,21,2,1,3,1,2,8,2,4,1,28,23,0,0,15,1,1,4,11,19,0,0,3,5,42,15,41,78,4,36,2,3,2,7,24,16,10,9,16,217,70,6,0.07253811339391862,0.0,0.07078673492381042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512760912571424,0.08004761190464489,0.0,0.12071504250169755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781334409778413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044218560650505945,0.0,0.0,0.08172561376903857,0.0,0.06415406654966177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791488203386796,0.0,0.0,0.06248516172535104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967971143582186,0.04678108221068147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849447602856204,0.0,0.0,0.09582147954688504,0.0,0.06111648907755358,0.20793982770134026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629852150331564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604276646957127,0.4694222187836356,0.03789817034810078,0.0,0.12367524444972933,0.0,0.0,0.07997352609883139,0.07990890992261662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497990166345073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664049941945825,0.21828492639105995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973010017149205,0.0,0.0,0.07680738840741727,0.0,0.0,0.30741488818197554,0.10631537448790136,0.0,0.06405248308667391,0.0,0.12182749212040005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048419753958122334,0.07354226167433907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611654778285347,0.0,0.0,0.055168503928651864,0.07718566696839063,0.0,0.16108998123397208,0.0,0.0,0.1005775888541878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714392709507794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820835492721442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125928812831491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537043847505815,0.0,0.14682488675938818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891866199631662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051342850011836284,0.0,0.05792903105768436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453963379263005,0.05830338785113194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819109934242268,0.3718359528174236,0.0,0.0,0.04229755725604949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477458524029609,0.0,0.0,0.15102946847407314,0.0,0.12529927988825335,0.0,0.0,0.04278485867744602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545436475622107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366597523534013,0.0,0.10305798906978612,0.0,0.0,0.04671216677021642
suicidewatch,Liestheytell,2018/04/08,"Im just waiting for death. My last words if things go my way. As I write this I am waiting for death. I took enough pills that will definitely fuck me up but hopefully kill me, and am cutting myself until I bleed out as a precautionary measure. 

I can’t be happy. I don’t know how. The meds. The therapy. It doesn’t work. It’s not enough. 24 years of suffering. Years of therapy and meds and treatment. It’s all for naught. 

I want to leave him but I’m so selfish for leaving him. He has no one. Im a horrible human for wanting to leave someone who has no one. 

I want to meet my unborn child in heaven. I want to play with the child I should be 9 months pregnant with if he or she was not taken from me. I want to hold him. I want to feel him in my stomach. I want to feel him kick. I want to complain of being tired and swollen and wanting to get this baby out of me. I want to hold my child in my arms. I want to introduce him to my family. 

I want to be with my father. I want him to yell at me and tell me to make good choices. I want to see him healthy and breathing. I want to hug him and roll my eyes when he annoys me. I want to laugh at his terrible singing and stupid jokes. I will take the bad with the good. The screaming the fighting the “fuck you”s. I just need my father. 

I want to be with my friends who died. I want to explain to a that I’m sorry for not staying in touch. I’m sorry for not making up with her. I’m sorry for being so close to her boyfriend. I should have kept away knowing that it might be misinterpreted. I want to tell her how her mom wailed at her funeral. What an impact that had on me. How everyone turned up. How we all cried. 

Im ready. God be willing, I will pass shortly. I will meet my maker and accept whatever comes. I accept responsibility. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. I am sorry. ",-0.5915721649484561,1.5568966365979406,1.8214515463917529,95.82509484536085,91.65463917525773,4.753484536082474,18.327010309278354,6.360717304075467,-0.15652284536082514,1397,41,326,16,50,473,174,388,0.207,0.613,0.181,-0.971,0,0,0,0,2,2,50.0,1,0,0,1,9,25,7,0,12,0,27,11,4,7,2,79,72,25,5,25,11,3,3,0,1,8,4,2,0,4,14,21,0,5,7,3,0,4,9,13,0,2,5,7,69,12,59,51,4,28,1,1,2,3,38,16,2,5,6,217,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317814335153549,0.0,0.056146101680759807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792492767451515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386460072445766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978886742671396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896247681083085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425471876130502,0.0,0.0,0.06339185110050774,0.0,0.0680013801704499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195270532704093,0.12433236637326868,0.03513232127107629,0.0,0.03821643086704254,0.11280249613838457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158270572850665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678866746976132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790583896634744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439574884458736,0.0,0.07391131203621093,0.0548130013542302,0.0,0.21360570872442808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977205687231653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938630340065426,0.0,0.0,0.07133547409958603,0.0,0.07875559919527345,0.0536736822128513,0.0,0.0,0.049860725335929175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911328260640939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358492457852778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056975795968513376,0.0,0.0,0.3010975247691736,0.0,0.07167337450779107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055927288335573,0.0,0.11754879668706428,0.0,0.1537992156934028,0.0,0.04467406127929848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728732065911198,0.0,0.0,0.07471078505616663,0.0,0.07314238446604092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7535851031581579,0.053375319301613454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895458150260145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660612558155223
suicidewatch,annalimo,2018/04/08,"suicide notes i continuously re-write my suicide notes, it has gotten to the point where i have a pile of them at the corner of my desk and i have several text versions, yet i have never went through with it? strange.",2.675465116279071,4.8295541627907,3.695523255813953,87.71444767441862,77.13953488372094,6.16046511627907,27.02906976744186,7.1686216300943375,1.2721674418604656,171,7,35,2,4,55,32,43,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,6,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659521579252542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259733622320181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895568241273628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7543704415379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31965846542797965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myheadrealyhurts,2018/04/08,"I’m dreaming about killing my self I don’t know why. There’s no reason for me to be suicidal right now. The only problems in my life are of my own creation. I put off my work and procrastinated and missed a few deadlines and let some people down, but no one is mad at me. No is disappointed and saying that I did anything terribly wrong. 
I’m upset with myself on a cognitive level but I don’t feel upset with myself. I don’t feel anything actually. I just feel numb. And I can’t do anything. Anything that requires more movements than my thumbs. Settling up this account seemed like much. 
I google how to kill myself and think about it, how I want my lifeless body to be found and for my problems to all disappear. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up. My head feels cloudy and foggy and I just want to sleep and when I finally do I wake up feeling more tired than ever. 
I feel like I don’t belong anywhere that my current life is meaningless that I just want to move on and that death would be the easiest way forward. 
I think it’s stupid but also it just seems to make perfect sense. I don’t know what to do. I want to talk to someone about this but I don’t have anyone. Like I said I don’t belong anywhere or to anyone. All I had was the responsibilities and obligations that I made and now that I can’t maintain those I have no more value and no more meaning. No ones calling me and asking about me. They want to know why I can’t provide what I said I would. If I’m gone that’s all they’ll care about, the services I could’ve provided. Me, I’ve no inherent value. I feel so tired thinking about this. The struggle to be needed and wanted and cared for. I worked so hard, and I got nothing and now I can’t try anymore and I still have nothing so where else am I supposed to go?
I have money and comfort and safety and the basic needs are taken care of but it’s all so empty and meaningless. 
I’ve tried buying things that I thought would make me feel some kind of joy, but it hasn’t helped and now I feel like enough is enough and I just want it all to be over. 
I want to wake up with some sort of desire or hope, or I don’t want to wake up at all. 
If there’s anyone out there I just want to know that these words can be seen",1.3113060840967847,3.2131299450317137,2.8289950669485577,93.50152877613348,80.41649048625793,5.472943387361993,21.08193563542401,6.42735559955562,0.14328230209067438,1756,50,394,15,45,574,194,473,0.194,0.655,0.152,-0.9817,2,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,2,4,31,26,4,3,8,0,43,13,8,6,9,112,96,46,4,23,18,0,10,4,0,4,5,3,0,1,24,31,0,1,22,1,3,8,21,14,0,2,12,14,64,12,50,72,18,36,0,2,1,0,10,18,0,12,15,279,88,5,0.0,0.0,0.07257548967017133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947456165685941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375617171379849,0.15600605908737766,0.0,0.24480439561771,0.0,0.06952696235199624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260955391598006,0.0,0.0,0.0759412336414881,0.0,0.22747895501892995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875858308621165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212753170101312,0.0,0.0,0.15369050520801872,0.0,0.0,0.06727294023582267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384384778460562,0.10626149287695302,0.0,0.08146993201920495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154409968848032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226682412403075,0.0,0.05948138245795573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662191986987974,0.0,0.07632623014542778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984939729739875,0.0,0.0,0.07386730778821249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456126125066792,0.07744608197322682,0.16348970093410725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604951393635928,0.10506104976552226,0.14533589984492418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037175653254471,0.09928660665030664,0.0,0.0,0.08101195758201359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904473591369145,0.05467133400121566,0.11029049341642053,0.057359596303170994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272220014908107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079159784904923,0.0565625917243133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155957375908387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423262448446759,0.0,0.07476352189648082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646590281840371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351253424774365,0.14148794105875756,0.05914290350304944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354093577219257,0.07758530293714072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442483476673607,0.0,0.063014412724884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059392876358192286,0.0,0.0,0.07774884737452993,0.0,0.08134993964181321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977669301007003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940887069144576,0.14296204144963642,0.0,0.05904236577961953,0.0,0.17095733511490285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098622382119936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386601631402912,0.05903233719899353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421674494086233,0.0,0.08552312322736283,0.0,0.0,0.10828612926386083,0.0,0.0,0.1584933398018693,0.08131315002664015,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catscatscatsilovecat,2018/04/08,"I don’t want to live anymore but I can’t kill myself I don’t even know where to start. We all have bad days but today sucks, not even for any specific reason. I just got caught in my usual self-hating bullshit loop and realized I don’t want to be alive anymore.

I have a number of issues I wish I could fix, or go back and make never happen. But they did happen, and I have to live with it. As a child I was often neglected, mentally, verbally and physically abused, my dad liked to point guns in my face but also touted that he loved me, I had a tumour at 11, developed a drug and alcohol abuse issue, dad died last year, I’m only 21 and don’t have much besides myself. The few people I care about probably don’t care about me as much as i care about them. I love my older brother and two younger half sisters, so I could never kill myself because of what it would do to them. I just wish I was dead so I didn’t have to live with these things over my head everyday. I’d love to have someone who puts me as their first priority and I could put them as mine, but I feel like I’m too fucked up and emotionless to ever try and find someone like that. Every time I’ve tried in the past I make someone else’s life worse and I can’t keep doing that. You’re born alone, you die alone, and I was made to live alone, miserable. 

I’ve heard all of the usual bullshit prepackaged answers to my problems like “why don’t you go talk to someone,” or “everyone has bad days, just give it some time,” and whatever else is said every time I open up but I think I was brought into this world to suffer. I don’t think everyone was made to suffer, but some people are and given that life has just been a steady decline no matter what I do to make things better personally I think I’m meant to suffer. Killing myself would be dumb because that ends my purpose. It gets better for some, others just see a progression of worse and worse things and learn to live with it. I don’t want to live with it, but it seems meant to be. I bet no one even reads this entire post, but who cares? It’s just another tick on the checklist of people who don’t give a shit. The final check mark is me when I get to see that deathbed but that isn’t my choice to make. ",3.8519414703783,4.143356781584586,4.807766595289079,88.31920164168457,71.11991434689507,7.8540756602426836,24.560242683797288,7.675431598112923,0.9576396002855097,1735,42,389,19,30,567,213,467,0.245,0.627,0.128,-0.9976,0,3,2,1,2,6,43.0,1,2,5,4,21,28,7,1,12,0,43,11,3,7,5,85,92,37,6,11,19,4,1,4,0,2,4,2,0,2,27,23,1,2,13,1,2,6,18,15,0,4,19,5,57,13,49,65,8,43,0,5,2,4,26,13,4,8,27,251,84,2,0.0,0.1525539195776937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880010378544936,0.0,0.2000274160054612,0.0,0.05148276431135347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043778993332309314,0.06750555412586201,0.0,0.0,0.12769061255994182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049502420656212784,0.10750525743095687,0.07848800664480865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138735573380482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625491212999824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420088789185482,0.0,0.0,0.08303648597755284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336276238942307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465760770077405,0.0,0.10755849165440656,0.0,0.0570194684086556,0.0,0.0,0.12756244458352675,0.058233248471419065,0.10848185310101256,0.1230311611100682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03255126207359537,0.04599138892960458,0.0,0.07052254260915558,0.0588399839314273,0.05475957585012475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951607793697768,0.06726930506892899,0.12351377016359268,0.07317457696019647,0.0,0.05148866857841275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385784425145128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607001729617587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438703157512846,0.0,0.0572217920266698,0.2136729147318588,0.0,0.035380259669192365,0.05247635761655396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094364233549487,0.12580662503851753,0.0,0.3410797396499494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743099630028751,0.12183133275175985,0.17189026121598205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487750530204635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464992509607677,0.0,0.09930398796406938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043623945532928976,0.04896208559523335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061455728566633214,0.13389402005924406,0.056212059925898485,0.0,0.0,0.060857665326395416,0.0,0.06165597015815207,0.0,0.06940996937602177,0.06160069376327507,0.0,0.12943459084542286,0.0,0.0,0.06439504757261508,0.0,0.0,0.0661909216812312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061237864723182676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260126596121463,0.058606972922057965,0.06715990423238538,0.0,0.06608270803229534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181878146324696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455668150840897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517442972561132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830890252073682,0.12375174999835772,0.0,0.0,0.11261733442246274,0.0,0.061022462038695775,0.0,0.0,0.08741636449002348,0.0,0.06288758623810937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180571983317994,0.0,0.11391477547339025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809079423144031,0.0,0.14806218570178736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681890270767596,0.09146403695545703,0.0,0.0,0.04145708048744691
suicidewatch,IntelligentBat,2018/04/08,Are text hotlines as good as phone ones? People keep wanting me to call a suicide hotline but that's not possible. Are internet text ones OK?,1.6572222222222237,4.424160555555559,2.7758333333333347,87.18375000000002,91.59259259259258,5.662962962962964,28.972222222222214,7.1686216300943375,2.146933333333333,113,6,20,2,4,36,23,27,0.08900000000000001,0.711,0.201,0.5361,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687297106545156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028786710762501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209677008778132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893896889631559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503455079938389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070928799150759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949914725838829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298973861022027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Poisonduckyprez,2018/04/08,"I really don’t understand anymore I’ve been given the most privileged life. A life with friends, love, and all my material needs plus more. But when push comes to shove, I fail to prioritize what is important. My parents always tell me that with the upbringing I was given, I should be in a much better situation then I am currently and they are correct. I am a spoiled brat that can only think about how to have fun. I’ve never truly worked extremely hard for anything and when I need to, I fail. I keep on telling myself that I will change because I have to to do well in this world. I don’t know if I can. It’s so strange. My mother has given me everything and has sacrificed so much for my well being, but I hate her as a person. I know that I should love her because she loves me and gives her all, but all I can think about when I see her how much I want to avoid her. She doesn’t even beat me up; the worst she ever does is go crazy with anger and threaten to take my life but I know she would never do it. Yet I resent her so much. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a wonderful life. Why don’t I feel so blessed for having it? I don’t understand, why do I feel so empty inside? I have everything I need. I should be ecstatic and motivated, but all I feel is wanting to lay in bed and do nothing. I just don’t know anymore. I am the sole reason my family is strained. I know that I should be appreciative but I can’t feel it. Why is it so hard to change myself? I just don’t understand anymore. Thank you for reading this if you made it this far. I’m just a random spoiled brat that wanted to vent my frustrations about myself. 
Oh and feel free to rip me apart. I honestly deserve every bit of it. 

Have a nice day ",1.811615569181552,3.3776936859504123,3.6048733671021047,90.0736443615036,77.70523415977962,7.10811339198436,23.00444325957523,7.941651935203635,0.9910123344885804,1340,41,303,22,31,450,159,363,0.126,0.696,0.17800000000000002,0.9719,2,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,1,6,24,23,4,2,11,0,45,7,0,5,8,70,84,31,0,13,11,2,7,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,18,14,0,2,19,1,1,3,11,9,2,0,7,8,65,15,31,67,12,21,1,2,1,3,23,8,0,5,10,221,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531525077189051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692979565539225,0.0,0.0,0.07448565767834114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035350409185574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005265143582058,0.09881830672412543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915045151859701,0.07797016059205328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058374314668005925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920978140349813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059783922631727826,0.08187547751791248,0.07626230510764596,0.0,0.16269705371095053,0.0,0.08532894228728942,0.0,0.22883405923974795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993121856452814,0.0,0.0,0.08682968216297593,0.05144143241234267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216628806129954,0.08936425330725987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045337791714813,0.0,0.0,0.2984661578559821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573205475876604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24507840162814595,0.08564693544951188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661540620760457,0.20134589292145533,0.13962060588087752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685102991373803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884029731486051,0.0,0.0,0.10050555491711093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903370273010457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053891734005252,0.0,0.05798585703309074,0.09306390184743693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212827607101273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174200369101984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805558132560392,0.0,0.1582271903142215,0.08333351956565731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599597470238758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826861190537259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016325523737912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276667297781566,0.0,0.2450255640175213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815903049594864,0.0658955778576472,0.0,0.0,0.0642988490082215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Merry--Happy,2018/04/08,"I feel so broken The only thing that makes me feel better is fantasizing about my death. Every day is something different. Pills, but what pills? Wandering around in the desert until dying of exposure, but what terrain would I prefer? Guns are easy, but where would cause the minimal amount of clean up? It's the only thing that makes me feel better.",4.435989583333331,7.0578639531250005,4.42625,82.32708333333336,73.53125,7.3916666666666675,21.604166666666664,8.344100000000001,1.3862791666666667,279,7,48,5,6,86,45,64,0.063,0.7490000000000001,0.187,0.8777,1,0,1,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,3,0,13,10,5,2,3,3,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039891521426112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053232838299399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539679059637664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778066989778188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378181054202679,0.2394095385859093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306598460048252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475903821282553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30591441403564995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485527945299673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640833099954958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30446978168913275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32555849380444285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XenBlade,2018/04/08,"My friend is suicidal. My friend is really depressed, and keeps telling me he does not want to live any longer, he drinks a lot, (i fear this adds to his depression), but no matter what I try and say he still feels the same. (and no, therapy is not an option, i've already suggested it.)
What do I do?",3.7995901639344254,4.236194491803282,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,71.29508196721312,9.378688524590164,26.72540983606557,9.516144504307137,1.9616852459016392,228,7,52,5,4,75,45,61,0.206,0.7140000000000001,0.08,-0.818,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,14,8,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,7,2,2,8,2,1,0,2,0,0,9,0,0,2,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25773196911039803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882431135857533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023183782443444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043841419664272,0.0,0.0,0.2287934035653772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26281249094265635,0.11809160944949905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360885533319918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075929805958389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062319187236241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855873681871705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496202795400314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573102668401625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865160357430731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554694970222029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041359536355352,0.0,0.2670886512564797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856741823882675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775583821518605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vhyumi,2018/04/08,"I Brainwash Myself to Believe I Don’t Have Depression (Long Post) I’m a high school student, grade 10 specifically. Mentally, I always believed I was a very healthy person. I lived in a good home and have many friends. Though starting second semester (Feb of this year) I started to go through episodes of “anxiety” and “depression”. This happened because of the amount of work I have to go through and several health problems (Sleep problems, type 1 diabetes). I often feel like a burden to everyone because of how much I make them go through because of my diminishing body and my lack of ability to be logically-mathematically intelligent.  

Let me start with what happens at home and how it leads to everything. Like I said before, I live in an amazing home and a loving family. But the problems with them is a lot to do with their background. They’re immigrants and though I’m sure they know of depression, I believe they won’t take me seriously. When they watch the news and a report of a teen committing suicide comes up, they always tell me to talk to them if I ever had the thought. They always try to ask me how my life is going because they want to know I’m not going out of control. When I started to experience a spiral in my emotions, I wanted to approach them, but I always stopped myself. “They’re not from here, they don’t speak perfect English, they can’t comprehend what you’re going through, they’ll just tell you off.” Those are just some of the thoughts I have whenever I think about telling them. Stripping the connection between my episodes and letting them know what’s going on severely influenced me to keep everything under the rug from my family. This made me think this is only my situation and that they shouldn’t know or else I’ll just be told I’m “overthinking.”

Secondly, I’m extremely young. I always tell myself, “you’re in high school, not even a sophomore, and you’re seriously going through this?” I make myself believe that for someone my age, I should focus on doing my homework and having a social life. To add on, people my age (my school specifically) shun those with depression. People at my school make it seem you’re one of those weird kids (the tumblr SJWs) if you come out with depression. As much I say don’t judge people, obviously I still want a reputation of being healthy and caring. I hate myself for that so I bury my emotions in fake smiles towards everyone when I really think of just leaving this place...

Lastly, I brainwashed myself to make my reasons sound stupid. If you read before, I said I have depression because of my inability to keep up academically and disappointing everyone. I also gained it from feeling like a burden to my family (and even doctors) because of my illnesses. I make myself think others always have it worse. “You’re being scolded by your biology teacher because you don’t know how to dihybrid crosses? And you have depression because of that? Seriously?” Is what I’ll say. I just feel like I’m never good enough, I will never be good enough. My family won’t have to waste a dime on me if I’m dead. My doctors won’t have to care if I’m dead. My teachers won’t have to worry about failing a stupid student if I’m dead. My friends won’t hear me complain and annoy them if I’m dead. 

TLDR; I need help and I have no idea how to make myself stop thinking the world would be better if I’m not here. I continually say others have it worse and nobody would think it’s a legitimate reason why I should be depressed. I can’t stop saying nobody will understand/care and that I’m just an over-thinker because boys my age should be doing school work and not complain until they get to the real world. ",4.371438717532467,6.208624532670457,5.286436688311691,79.55255681818186,71.42897727272727,8.153571428571428,29.75892857142857,8.790609847205072,2.492155925324675,2917,121,533,55,56,953,274,704,0.203,0.698,0.099,-0.9982,0,0,0,0,0,1,79.0,0,6,19,8,27,42,4,0,28,0,53,10,2,17,7,119,122,46,5,22,22,0,3,4,2,14,7,9,5,3,26,31,0,6,20,1,1,13,20,26,0,3,8,13,101,16,80,90,8,60,0,10,1,1,50,23,0,13,27,362,127,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381972086740596,0.2384630628270216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653966898426491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465330748892355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262050855999337,0.0,0.08128804778930196,0.21525668789244265,0.0,0.04224376925249613,0.0,0.0530555296498892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739806814603,0.0,0.0,0.08228967844422788,0.0,0.0,0.05357188552898058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291155655703061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777786493760686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039901064029349655,0.10745714134345996,0.0,0.0987068779509914,0.0,0.06309592967544672,0.043205674236506016,0.0,0.13692291965653308,0.08585520494016992,0.04672279158859929,0.1801122678083281,0.0,0.07245341426363103,0.10236878518389078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380538202296008,0.0,0.024954950627138383,0.0,0.21716507442225771,0.12018764857713247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447588031111544,0.0,0.0,0.047157499825724584,0.0,0.05077137049107485,0.05383399989236109,0.0,0.03201550003563978,0.1009315152412182,0.14373489566127354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392024345834845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491046508411093,0.0,0.0,0.13125044659155236,0.038934396960732885,0.0,0.05057564963957669,0.0,0.09768476042405227,0.06747487883244578,0.09334117880915106,0.0,0.08435375841586859,0.04227002995151316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060762228424016,0.043109275630718924,0.04519587188455907,0.191298823922831,0.04842564937130782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813532531562547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022472449253585,0.03541673006434117,0.07367776771833835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323664234622232,0.03632701207121969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934155426234163,0.04170607021027383,0.049903677920033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045745134116917656,0.0,0.0,0.13711236676681862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777736981704252,0.0543663943307811,0.03059912595622082,0.09821960734259784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908698485356738,0.1519368122276997,0.0,0.241700837155278,0.0,0.0434829559834868,0.0,0.10792045240413513,0.0,0.0,0.05368923639781995,0.04779893899040702,0.048689835621410466,0.04047065846761237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523167744863487,0.0,0.038144746742237515,0.11979964200364313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052246549340681216,0.0,0.04501742327654345,0.0,0.03591291758984606,0.03839125086662161,0.16699291771649855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423868985977126,0.09385664759079312,0.07583926651888744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564097321884436,0.0,0.0324289221899524,0.0,0.0,0.04972447079100647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941066866335927,0.08451811995759828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04309998149829046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954616832423241,0.048507111504659695,0.09735209829653746,0.06786098129134517,0.0,0.0,0.0307587359687886
suicidewatch,fluffyberrybunny,2018/04/08,Does anyone give themselves a deadline? There came a point in my life when I gave myself one year to live but I calmed down. Lately I've been getting these suicidal thoughts  again. The problem is I'm Christian now and that goes against my faith. Sometimes I question my faith as I've only recanted converted. I can't fight off these suicidal thoughts. If I have say less than one year to life I just don't feel as much pressure. As it is it's a combination of logic and emotions that have driven me to this point. I can't say I can think of a better reason to end my life than the simple fact that I can't escape myself.,2.6264280601288483,4.461451614173232,3.5930422333571954,89.86596993557625,76.16535433070868,6.192984967788117,24.931281317108088,6.980632752743323,0.9270535433070868,493,17,102,5,11,158,79,127,0.154,0.716,0.13,-0.6371,0,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,6,0,10,3,0,1,1,15,20,8,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,6,3,16,4,15,14,2,14,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,7,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649218875910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734617899143987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905486264173147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579477905125582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874051423733493,0.14756017102719104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423911924793584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870428157073509,0.1598200891573572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793462995575244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530283548247936,0.0,0.0,0.14711286665560538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247184623671248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257880349772851,0.12670854229121262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31498601283049715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941588304465235,0.0,0.0,0.1866326837442668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712948927150507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649776419817059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164773916184108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644717101271556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675201473174876,0.0,0.2645272033439868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145728137334603
suicidewatch,Juuzou-L-Suzuya,2018/04/08,I used to be happy that I failed. Now I'm not so sure. I've tried many times before and I've always failed. I seriously think I'm ready to try again.,-1.9605882352941184,-0.0912064705882365,0.9443529411764722,100.40358823529414,99.0,3.896470588235295,9.741176470588236,5.6839178017228535,-1.6727458823529413,116,1,30,1,5,40,24,34,0.284,0.5529999999999999,0.163,-0.5534,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,4,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978154472735567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045608324832181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810090859097863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628714549596293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373323454609491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933863151138115,0.0,0.0,0.20870416265830516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860040218608979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091251952502106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fauxfires,2018/04/08,"Why am I still here? I have suffered from depression for well over 6 years now. Finally, I felt I was on an upswing.  I was getting somewhere. I felt like I was regaining aspects of control in my life and I was beginning the (gradual) process to reclaiming my mental health and confidence. And then I felt the walls close in. I tried to push against with all the strength I have, but for once I realized I wasn't only fighting my own demons. I am fighting other people. People who are supposed to be my rock, my life support, but instead back me into a dark corner and turn their backs and walk away. As if it were that easy just to leave someone you love behind. These are the same people that call me selfish for wanting to die. But is this really living? Groveling on the floor desperately grasping at any semblance of hope and strength while the person dearest to you, who should love you the most, tramples your reaching hands and steps on your chest while you gasp for air. They scream ""fuck you"" and ""I don't give a shit what the fuck you do"" and ""I hate you."" And my favorite, ""do whatever you want, kill yourself, I'm going to keep screaming fuck you and I hate you until you die so that's your last memory."" Lol. So what am I doing? I have always wanted to die, but I always felt like, what's the harm in living another day? What is the rush to die, if in death nothing means anything anymore, it's not like it would remember the extra memories of pain and betrayal. I would just be nothing. Nothing. That sounds blissful. Life is empty promises and uncertainty. Death is certainty. I know what I will become: nothing. I know what I will feel, nothing.  I'm not in a rush to die, but I know when death it worth infinitely more than the life I am living. 

I would love to feel nothing. ",2.4897731092437003,4.7604092142857155,3.4949915966386564,88.34018487394961,78.28571428571429,6.403361344537816,25.72268907563025,7.5105763829236425,1.3743478991596638,1395,54,276,20,34,447,178,350,0.26,0.565,0.175,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,4,0,54.0,0,14,2,3,13,28,9,0,16,1,31,15,3,1,1,53,62,28,9,10,11,0,7,3,0,6,6,3,0,1,19,16,0,2,13,1,1,6,4,16,1,1,10,10,52,12,37,44,6,38,1,2,0,6,26,17,4,4,18,199,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992348986403746,0.0,0.0,0.053091299437022614,0.08186477840076971,0.0,0.0,0.07742595284521482,0.0,0.0,0.06424619510129796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335074731689263,0.12006433395885545,0.0,0.0,0.08622384163988266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971973379731813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756382951732991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034966094091136,0.0,0.06724287140198751,0.0,0.40512947267740496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895059571992621,0.0,0.2998435456986446,0.08552351577165339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652754034917274,0.04078913819723664,0.0748932999278376,0.04436983448982286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541588926516113,0.0,0.08298635723091509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754261855951425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939353931121348,0.08637455115745668,0.0,0.12871816941965455,0.06363869526274889,0.0,0.08266644937058225,0.0,0.0,0.2205768465472641,0.11442537892057615,0.0,0.20681570327809512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113877395580081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504275455053298,0.0,0.0,0.07867771272337461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494702781587318,0.0,0.0,0.08314360304738969,0.0,0.0593768963042656,0.08307358397256621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623748508293318,0.06816902533241305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050014604155763226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843979412071791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013927623051774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614973140333161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062348003392789474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859461676751566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053005425999718095,0.08491937680522525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814578624619867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019565748670717,0.0,0.07044738849213683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637926791263166,0.0,0.0,0.050275488457141485
suicidewatch,-hhhhhhhh-,2018/04/08,"everything has gone wrong in the past few months, it seems as though my life has fallen apart. i told my parents about my depression and stared seeing a therapist. which has helped. but then they found out about my girlfriend. it makes me so sick how much they treat me differently and i’m so scared that my mom will cut off whatever communication i have with her or something. The lack of support is hard. my girlfriend is amazing, and i really do love her so much, but i don’t think i can do this anymore. There’s no way i could live without her. I’m so scared and it would be so much easier to die. There’s so many easy ways i could do it in my own home. I just wish I had a more supportive family. it hurts so much and it’s so hard. i miss how everything used to be. i’m so jealous now of how so many people’s family’s unconditionally love them. i miss that. but i “changed” and my parents just can’t have that. i’ll never get to be a kid again after this. there’s so many things i wish i could have with my family before i grow up. things i can’t do when i’m older. i feel like i’m stuck in limbo, and death is the only option. i don’t think i can make it ",0.4203892493049111,2.4094623534136552,2.504036144578315,94.16743512511586,84.10040160642569,6.079765214704974,17.609051590979302,7.321109707123232,0.03248643805993145,902,20,215,14,26,303,124,249,0.211,0.628,0.161,-0.8863,3,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,0,25,16,2,2,6,0,28,4,0,6,1,37,54,29,2,7,7,3,3,1,2,2,2,0,1,1,15,10,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,5,5,36,7,18,41,8,21,0,4,2,2,16,7,0,3,10,148,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220047251752666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769015901266461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901596984821753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468373091682332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875903980745302,0.0,0.10695231254352232,0.10766801691356187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523403570430508,0.0,0.2914464149486413,0.0,0.052106482978952165,0.07362078677688938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299183953740745,0.0,0.0,0.05384072193046207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846297477897081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907397496547334,0.0,0.10337014439380368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103199228205857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278908788059428,0.05034628727595812,0.0,0.09099731990090806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601796144874508,0.0,0.1375768004025186,0.31343743705113697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069394117235735,0.08225558956689981,0.0,0.3030220272152466,0.0,0.07948050596153625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837613404708871,0.0,0.0,0.22885539871019897,0.0,0.0983753523066604,0.0714436863863804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601812428081681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634722899971245,0.0,0.08211956738174597,0.09381520231402267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933491404703208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388570275009235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196519930879269,0.13692711576239355,0.13206386980891935,0.10124864079606344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847116046942277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890043453890468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359668934450433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701077216771935,0.0993390137739994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320559912593537,0.11267182340832445,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeetleOfDung,2018/04/08,"Messed up   I feel a bit hopeless at the moment.
I’ve had depression in the past, and have been on sertraline for about 4years. I started college this year, met an incredible group of friends, and have generally been feeling great about things. I even lowered my dose from 150mg to 100mg. But then I went and messed it all up.
  I betrayed my girlfriend of 3 years. I slept with my close guy friend who I work with and go to college with. I told her, and we went on a short break to think about everything. I kept messaging him, even though I KNEW I shouldn’t. I constantly changed my mind on what I wanted; I told him that I wanted to be with him. We sent nudes and talked about what we wanted to do to each other.
  Then I changed my mind again. I realised that what I have  with my girlfriend is worth trying to save. She’s my best friend. I feel sick knowing that I’ve betrayed her trust again. I haven’t told her this time. We were technically on a break but I still feel like a monster. Her friend threatened me, telling me he’d hurt me if I upset her again. He’s a big guy with violent tendencies, so this was a bit worrying...
  I’ve been feeling suicidal. I know I won’t do anything too drastic, but I really need some support. I hate seeing councillors because I feel like they never help, so I came here.

I guess these are my main problems:

1.  I have college in a few days and I don’t know who I’ll sit with because my girlfriend (understandably) doesn’t want me seeing him.
2.  I don’t know how to deal with the guilt of betraying her twice, and if she ever found out idk what I would do.
3.  I’m going to miss him. He was a good friend. Plus I really hurt him by telling him I wanted to be with him and then changing my mind.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I really need some support. Thanks guys
",1.6095513963160997,3.628625911764708,2.94348484848485,92.46300505050509,79.98930481283422,6.294592988710638,22.6883541295306,7.3871296695380915,0.746621152703506,1417,46,314,20,36,459,179,374,0.16899999999999998,0.688,0.14300000000000002,-0.9261,1,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,4,0,1,2,17,27,2,2,12,0,28,4,2,1,3,71,71,23,1,14,6,0,6,2,8,4,2,0,0,3,17,27,0,1,14,0,1,6,7,12,0,1,19,8,73,15,40,45,9,39,0,5,2,1,49,13,0,6,19,209,90,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122860333830194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056527722006560276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812280065621778,0.0,0.06840463682704455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134422659719856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723436083659564,0.0,0.18150152912707251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507263917473792,0.0,0.0,0.26380508450242224,0.0,0.0,0.08982839014880879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360862640343801,0.08569803022668351,0.07159527798040273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980630750095696,0.07519115060834332,0.0,0.0,0.07470722028117285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25218241262312185,0.1187687632913027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114206483921944,0.32111011420727503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944834914991282,0.06972114770510154,0.0,0.09164539767356952,0.09157135098019213,0.2469198955042045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820685415600571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571680867202422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797365898167786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827328890748183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122116779593108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517970889166465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327198829235415,0.06411097878800423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793520379455929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953921795391783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300753004463965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247942445255767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058836169124446364,0.0,0.06638358150627573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092505162023584,0.18865810108311504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681257443532213,0.14530949751894612,0.07653015787314119,0.0,0.0,0.05522443087109743,0.05326302250817812,0.08166970483972519,0.0,0.04847074581356836,0.0,0.0,0.2382879576712989,0.0,0.05643629026834384,0.0,0.0,0.0865358598896174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451458363269109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411506532854616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051585247895716,0.08441728062747908,0.0,0.11809896164972195,0.0,0.0,0.10705930596483072
suicidewatch,lnnaija,2018/04/08,"Killing yourself in multiple ways at once - higher success rate? Someone posted a list here about suicide methods, pain, how long it takes to die, success rate, etc

If you combined for instance overdosing on otc pills, rx pills, co2, and hanging. 

I just want to be sure there's no failure. Guns was the best way on the list, but civilians cannot purchase guns here. ",5.445671641791044,7.178014462686567,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,68.55223880597015,6.554029850746268,35.78805970149253,6.742157984588678,2.357718805970149,287,15,51,2,5,85,58,67,0.182,0.685,0.133,-0.5719,0,0,1,2,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,3,6,6,1,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,7,5,4,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,8,3,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,28,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27233677979164983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693274865904973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28941910832233075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710625043989263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296556920506677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27636668207378706,0.0,0.0,0.2761339409045138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485361483212117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198795952779546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838587401016019,0.0,0.24458245023179434,0.0,0.19511710666198506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530640610060947,0.41196944795141177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chronim,2018/04/08,"I am a human parasite I live of the Money my friends and family give me.
I should be working on my thesis to finish my education, and i tell everyone i know that I am working on it as hard as I can. The truth is i am doing nothing. In 6 months i have worked 2 hours... Truth is im probably expelled, but i havent checkes my mail for 3 months ...

I feel like Im so far out with my problems, lying to everyone I know, living of pity from people, and spending All my money on alcohol....
I have no idea what to do. I cant bring myself to tell anyone the truth...
My patents are paying for me to see a psycholigist ... But i feel like they're just wasing money...

Im scared of the reaction people Will have if I come clean..


Suicide hans been a consideration for awhile.

Iunno if this kind of post belongs here.
Just wanted to share this with someone.",1.8294827586206883,3.4445678103448287,4.056988505747128,86.63686206896553,77.79310344827586,6.708965517241379,23.66896551724138,7.554174236665415,1.0560717241379305,645,21,137,9,15,223,103,174,0.152,0.765,0.084,-0.9313,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,0,1,7,0,18,1,0,0,4,26,27,10,1,5,6,0,3,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,6,2,3,3,0,0,1,4,26,8,23,23,1,13,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,2,6,92,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888824116766622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741416799692144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000985372046137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662480458404179,0.0,0.0,0.13133631897460768,0.0,0.14088641996933635,0.1990571708420913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763650153720464,0.0,0.0,0.1336462228094339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248012852663682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719986102898166,0.0,0.0,0.1572727139623903,0.4514610360176796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507793512977102,0.15313071766951147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361271720434994,0.0,0.2460401450011892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224041016398811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336790807697968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317068873090085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342783584978893,0.0,0.15020803300129731,0.13330821386147054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948131164458671,0.0,0.11101816123838436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804342645379708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523909404512646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24353960309971026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217318303343263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042748122925186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nartana,2018/04/09,I'm in the hospital for trying to jump off a parking garage What up? I'm bored.,-2.206666666666667,-0.4791972222222203,1.1722222222222245,97.345,104.55555555555556,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.08068888888888859,62,2,15,1,3,22,16,18,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iiElectricAvenue,2018/04/09,"No Point to My Existence I just can't do it anymore. My teachers and parents expect me to be some sort of prodigy, but they are so wrong. My grades are average. I'm the class freak that people socialize with out of pity. When I die, nobody will miss me, because you can't miss what you can't love. I'm giving myself to the end of the week for something to change my mind, but I already feel certain. The gun is only a few feet away.",1.6482692307692304,3.3083355164835173,3.239656593406597,92.09596840659344,78.45054945054945,5.868681318681317,23.46291208791209,6.6274283507984215,0.573493406593407,336,11,74,3,8,111,66,91,0.31,0.665,0.025,-0.9841,1,0,1,1,0,1,11.0,0,2,1,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,9,2,1,0,1,12,16,5,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,13,2,11,14,2,6,0,3,0,1,7,3,0,2,3,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27500131386745075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471420595582314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341340867741433,0.0,0.0,0.15191161843406698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26362335368269546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25863299988156896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207195748366465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600434423183052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390578831917089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249151152377624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25162363020010986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895298398477336,0.0,0.0,0.2767100444107985,0.0,0.0,0.17276573543174592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355770474765397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540307121721547,0.0,0.1918483698702695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998953289068307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272463970130268,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmNotOkayAnymore,2018/04/09,"Life is pointless The meaning of life is to just reproduce and die. We want it to be something else but what if I don’t have anything to give to this world? My parents don’t care about me, I don’t have friends, shitty hobbies, no fancy career. Life is boring and too long, and nothing changes the fact that I’m on a crash course to die alone. I want to kill myself, I want it to be over. ",2.635040650406502,3.5459230731707336,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,74.3658536585366,5.954471544715448,25.861788617886177,5.46131890053228,0.476164227642276,300,10,69,1,6,96,55,82,0.3,0.579,0.121,-0.9704,1,1,1,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,1,12,17,5,3,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,11,15,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144131213009165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800082076473516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081479572208563,0.0,0.21596718572541293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237579132490187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705439363786036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772837996079112,0.0,0.0,0.1958425061253472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586544564637046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43259866833213534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806692997828316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223828592814956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958906555243228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22668814700416626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571672310062487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612448245060688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cocohead781_alt1,2018/04/09,"I've had a hard day. --Posting on my alt--
I had a hard day today, got messed with by my bullies. I went home to play online Chess, only to lose two games in a row (and lose 200RP). Compiled with my bad day, I almost feel like cutting. Please give me a reason not to.",0.011578947368420243,1.922112175438599,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,85.14035087719299,4.5017543859649125,16.517543859649123,5.46131890053228,-0.7332666666666667,202,4,47,1,6,68,41,57,0.25,0.637,0.113,-0.7517,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,0,1,4,3,7,2,8,2,0,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205690710015772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151065983021013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974217496052737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386261230310406,0.14674656198819347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705016038382736,0.0,0.0,0.16428695177692162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680180817816532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604524844300712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035405610383982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596075605570825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562252825169009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22548098102505684,0.0,0.0,0.1967281671054604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119801809894945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947068074404128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065793373416008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041922607277093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poopiedoodie710,2018/04/09,"My ex married the guy she left me for. I’m going to shoot myself in front of their house. 29/m -I can’t even get over this and it’s been 7 years. No one will ever love me, she’s happy with someone else and I’m worthless. I’m gonna die alone anyway",-1.0049425287356328,0.6027772413793073,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,86.93103448275862,3.866666666666666,14.839080459770114,3.1291,-1.4068367816091958,192,3,50,0,6,66,50,58,0.212,0.664,0.125,-0.5423,0,1,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,10,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,8,2,6,7,0,7,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30240273152746194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030286493730173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439114271793989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284972256665955,0.2641121965450036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254725082467852,0.0,0.16593869275294051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891056347484677,0.0,0.31081763374587085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33690516997860964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172366082801784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635229209933958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785288265888676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473933040598729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880252412031685
suicidewatch,daff00,2018/04/09,"logic I'm going to die someday anyway
Life is pointless
Why not get it over with
I don't have any desires. I don't have any dreams. I don't care. I do not enjoy life.",-2.726503759398493,-1.2905456052631568,0.5008270676691708,101.14078947368424,110.31578947368422,2.1714285714285717,13.323308270676687,3.1291,-1.6110270676691731,129,3,31,0,7,45,25,38,0.305,0.695,0.0,-0.8863,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009127891453676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755060436171019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38223689432305896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924213684527542,0.0,0.2093131811039914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.520281875733442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33233315281219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PleaseIgnoreThanks,2018/04/09,"I found the ammo box :) No more messing around with drugs and knives, I can actually kill myself now. The best part is that I won't be missed by anyone.",1.5131182795698948,3.5276065483870984,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,80.29032258064517,5.423655913978496,16.78494623655914,6.42735559955562,-0.428879569892473,117,2,26,1,3,38,28,31,0.177,0.59,0.233,0.2933,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3391586982324453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430150645298615,0.0,0.0,0.30939321491223043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647323182741141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030476993022094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381070673095969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38451261850875856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763628180338805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Roldeen,2018/04/09,"Tired of Fighting Well I have only posted a few times on Reddit, I feel this will be my most important post I'll ever make.
I have been struggling with major depressive disorder and a slight bi-polar disorder for the past 10 years of my life. My mom was a severe alcoholic and often beat me. My father hardly showed me affection, and often just screamed at my mother. On top of this, I was severely bullied in grade school, resulting in my arm being broken. While I understand that other people have been through worse, and I sympathize with them, I feel like my life has no purpose. I am currently in college, about to finish a degree that I have no interest in. My girlfriend emotionally abuses me, and I'm starting to hate the relationship and I have little to no friends. Suicide has always been on mind, but I have tried to hold on and push through for years. Medicine, therapy, weight-lifting, non of it helped. I've reached the point where I don't think i'll ever make a bounce back. I just don't feel like my life has a purpose and I feel better knowing I can put a hollow point in my brain and be rid of it all..",4.734042232277528,5.657202253393662,5.533375565610862,81.6327028657617,69.45248868778279,8.608265460030166,29.212971342383103,8.841846274778883,2.2495898039215683,882,32,171,15,15,288,126,221,0.161,0.743,0.095,-0.8579,2,0,1,0,3,1,27.0,0,0,1,3,11,11,2,1,10,0,22,7,2,4,3,33,34,11,1,0,3,3,5,2,2,1,5,1,0,0,7,11,1,1,7,1,0,2,5,5,1,0,5,6,29,6,26,25,4,30,0,1,0,0,9,15,0,3,13,120,36,3,0.0,0.14531384677360348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106982458612154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205016770642167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430615994754396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108469219987225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369119824362009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056336511713976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112277227305155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795871568554885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218782019873396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480512659311042,0.1752347147112954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475494683060977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986551012826233,0.12108619361284385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822061188624077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740228827435607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598826148280593,0.11983595494995344,0.12292215203671195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373250290362354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383612721812452,0.14363992341466753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327677746461688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707818912832045,0.08502635294961731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187765948511616,0.0,0.23491933147418456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329174073916105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316744479416792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412292624642228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771070740154959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680850945580977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282148097108352,0.0,0.13415333324388168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025483768246252,0.0,0.0,0.0785857349629015,0.0,0.0,0.07151507752633436,0.14096197519713566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326766188750312,0.0,0.0,0.1276773984996456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934813432882116,0.11027226294917801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498536888633716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795825786215126
suicidewatch,Andie6492,2018/04/09,My mom took her life My mom took her own life and I have missed her every second since. My heart aches. I think of her often. Every moment I get. I wish she was still here. She was my best friend. She was my everything. ,-1.7750966183574874,-0.2432040652173875,-0.0010144927536206438,104.17330917874399,111.3913043478261,2.9140096618357485,7.2850241545893715,5.033348758259628,-2.1612917874396134,167,1,40,1,9,53,28,46,0.08199999999999999,0.721,0.197,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,10,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,16,2,1,5,2,4,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,2,28,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212527707045502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552662429062037,0.0,0.1894801465881838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628865089129179,0.0,0.11014982041510953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498342183152273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29783051455299364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4938424103041317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440051257401099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836887662955488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509116353941902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684791245936647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424437586891833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Albro-17,2018/04/09,"Nobody will understand I have had 2 seizures about 3 years ago then a year later another one, I was about 14-17 when they all happened, because of this I’m unable to get my drivers license for a long time, by the time when I did all my friends were driving regularly but I still could not, even now when I have my drivers license nobody can teach me to drive or come with me to show me how but my parents say it’s up to me to learn but every time I asked they say there to busy or tired, now I’m looking to go to college or get a better job for myself but I can’t get myself to work and back I use Uber but for those jobs that are too far it’s not worth the money everyday, and every time a family member brings up the fact I’m not driving my parents say it’s up to me and it’s my fault I’m not driving, they call me lazy constantly but I want to learn nobody cares enough to show me they just blame me, 
I need to to change my life I can’t take this everybody I know has it easier, I’m also a 19 year old virgin witch even just saying that makes me depressed, my life needs to just end but when I really think of the thought of jumping off a building or shooting myself it’s too much I don’t believe I’m able to do it, i pray that someone else could kill me so I wouldn’t have to, Ive asked god so many times to just help me change my life I’m stuck doing the same thing every day I have only ONE friend and when we hangout it’s the same thing over and over, I’m going to go crazy if I’m not already I can’t speak to girls I’ve NEVER been able to I just freeze up I’m not funny enough or just too awkward, I hate my fucking life, I’m always going to live in my parents basement because I can’t make more than minimum wage due to not being able to drive to any work areas, I truly hope that a contract killer see’s this so that maybe I could pay you to kill me I have 3000 dollars in my bank account for who ever would do it, I can’t believe I went though my whole life to just end up no where with no one disappointing everyone I ever befriend or known, I’m a waste of space on this planet and shouldn’t have been born I don’t understand why I was put on this earth if I’m just going to wanna end up killing myself,   If anyone has any super easy ways to kill yourself that’s not very painful please let me know I just want this to end , I don’t wanna wake up again when I sleep I never wanna wake, please god end this I’m so tired of suffering everyday.
",1.78012698412698,2.8476544518518523,3.4531746031746064,93.20500000000004,76.7037037037037,6.253968253968254,21.93121693121693,6.5431188927421005,0.2338439153439156,1924,49,455,15,42,642,230,540,0.174,0.731,0.095,-0.9945,6,0,0,1,0,3,23.0,1,1,4,4,38,19,6,1,14,0,38,13,3,4,7,79,87,36,4,17,33,3,1,0,2,4,8,5,0,1,26,10,0,0,9,3,7,15,22,13,0,3,10,8,70,6,62,68,9,73,1,3,2,2,22,18,1,10,39,292,96,10,0.20255704808535094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059851533844911285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450891315408828,0.05399493272400311,0.056181230171272266,0.0,0.0,0.09183049245012373,0.07079957539728783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721086590240997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624233117882458,0.0,0.0,0.051917955625744486,0.0,0.08231793096418791,0.0,0.0,0.15214161956600514,0.0,0.05971508280252616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894446444359853,0.0,0.06884013674753467,0.0,0.1428523325121344,0.058161653766252916,0.0,0.07296406975686749,0.0,0.16172532067914044,0.0,0.0,0.043544179629519605,0.0,0.0581540295687209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640347404086635,0.0,0.2990090374775021,0.1395303850561112,0.0,0.08919134659957068,0.12214963106870386,0.1706630492257566,0.06451731327904947,0.0,0.0,0.06365091927308048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043300485908396,0.06242024233137281,0.10582769739074367,0.0,0.19186306392651645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059706842888983876,0.0,0.0,0.06666104982303071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525657320409548,0.0,0.0,0.06706161766335207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400441010630468,0.0,0.2987991498439945,0.0,0.07421337086884094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904276844238437,0.2384533889771114,0.0,0.0,0.05962052815883896,0.059752204485652535,0.056698968365179535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013893498548496,0.06845368472423602,0.06783192677315081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963424561846572,0.10012898970950057,0.1041496551528932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084984940084824,0.0,0.13725789800024152,0.0513512542130239,0.07184499349885645,0.0,0.22491563088828254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482312080385208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787525998595452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043254410591040834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147753262427654,0.0,0.0,0.05380391405820077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675677774543377,0.0,0.057208643173417326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053920773418188996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050765897208172026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971326814800971,0.04326345917265497,0.06633709043518361,0.05360255677931268,0.19685440609866556,0.15520635295240395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405793537432171,0.0,0.058314751316909275,0.0,0.05571025938686477,0.07964893002192823,0.053593452171878296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259080430244886,0.06092541005454155,0.0753825701526933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830929563262324,0.0,0.0,0.047963571771402834,0.0,0.0,0.13044009787327768
suicidewatch,severinasty,2018/04/09,"Worst I've felt, in a long time. About a 6 weeks ago I started sertraline for my depression and it has worked very well, after about 2 weeks all suicidal thoughts had gone, up until 3 days ago. 3 days ago my grandmother, whom I am very close to, tell out with me as I made a joke about where she lived. She did not see the funny side. Anyway since I received her phone call from her saying she hadn't eaten her dinner because she was so upset by what I said, I haven't been able to get through to her via phone and appologized again. Ever since that phone call I felt the immense sadness that 2 months ago had caused my second suicide attempt. I tried to tell myself that I was just sad about what happened but I think I knew this sadness. Its not nice, I haven't felt like this for so long. Thoughts of suicide regularly cross my brain. Although I do think it is passive suicidal ideation as I haven't actually considered suicide seriously yet. But never the less its horrible, for six weeks I felt I could go far in life and succeed. But now I see no future for myself, just a black wall. I regularly think to myself the only way out is to end my life. As I can't get a hold of my grandmother. This numbness is crushing.",4.618841463414637,5.19667823170732,5.228201219512197,84.96352134146345,69.52845528455285,8.263821138211382,28.789634146341466,8.278499904357787,1.7863097560975607,959,33,201,13,16,309,136,246,0.238,0.725,0.038,-0.9945,0,0,0,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,0,3,15,13,0,1,9,0,18,6,1,2,3,31,39,13,5,1,7,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,13,7,2,1,10,1,0,4,9,8,1,2,18,9,37,5,30,20,3,38,0,4,3,0,19,10,0,0,24,134,50,2,0.09552155500695632,0.0,0.0932152585368242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33869638029134763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822905333322125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066336462627007,0.19507637522440635,0.0,0.0,0.0981269496154594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626618901338242,0.0,0.0,0.12320700135681195,0.0,0.08227257535838581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846037454365427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640471521602247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668626903473992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981213996868596,0.0,0.05428710100555225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446939562787159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349393984188077,0.046667006796285715,0.0,0.08434728310715632,0.16906714058623584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038480496215877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624439387775987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736721119384399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264844694891122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908628730276116,0.07596257449601558,0.0,0.0,0.15223662424625334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803283478853464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761064828066914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224253870093635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698009871808894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836190663713448,0.0,0.15166688962857902,0.055699386888553214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485286565017588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763057341451447,0.0,0.0758205642021151,0.2298648889656102,0.0,0.08588534962883597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954082970129359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slowentropiclife,2018/04/09,"A new update from my shitty life... I posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/64lvvz/how_do_you_guys_managed_to_hold_on_when_life/

And later this: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6h27k1/and_update_from_me_things_are_not_better_but_i/

So, I did get a great job... and was recently fired from it. I have a new one now, let's hope I'll keep it. At least, the great job I lost allowed me to clear all of our debts, and to put some money aside.

My health is starting to get better... as time goes by, the medication is better (I can now use a threadmill each day!) and the side effect less horrible (I can diet! I lost 20 pounds since about the last update, only 10 more to go to regain my good figure).

I now have severe ostoporosis, but I am taking medication for it... brooke 2 bones in two stupid accidents, so I've had a cast one and off for a while.

My concentration is getting better, my child is doing better. My wife isn't much better, but now, instead of being gone 100% of the day, 7 days per week, she is gone perhaps 50% of the day, 4 to 6 days per week, and no longer needs to sleep 14-16 hours. It's an improvement!

I am now able to follow audio-book. Reading isn't really back yet, but I am starting to be able to read longer and longer.

I spoke to a few FTD specialists on the phone, and it's not clear cut I will get it. My medication DOES cause speech issues, and as a proof, it seems to be getting better rather then to worsen.

Suicide seems less and less like a valid solution. I feel like perhaps, there is hope somewhere.

Plus, in 2 months or so, my child will have 1 year of high school left! That's something!

So who knows! Maybe I won't get sicker, maybe this new job will restart my hope.",4.690050925925924,6.9126304125,4.187847222222224,86.14724537037037,71.4375,6.4907407407407405,20.28935185185185,7.2427474758485975,0.31912962962962954,1372,27,267,14,27,411,176,320,0.097,0.743,0.16,0.9658,5,0,1,0,0,3,87.0,1,0,0,9,15,18,2,0,17,0,28,9,2,4,4,37,54,23,1,5,6,1,2,2,0,4,6,2,0,2,12,12,1,1,6,2,2,5,5,4,0,3,8,4,27,14,32,38,10,44,0,2,0,0,8,8,0,7,32,161,39,6,0.16700804137108247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420943751159526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431151224845894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578163148518322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692659261345121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307493122558234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042222141873697765,0.059655289062642926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617644258410465,0.0,0.047457259306504934,0.0700392107296049,0.0,0.18412695520179773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887608691646826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882265825431461,0.0,0.2488150022598132,0.08223463977121549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715650257003159,0.2485945669459005,0.07422221036329922,0.0,0.0,0.04589162594997071,0.06806692199189178,0.0,0.0,0.09072736280430756,0.08538851872146018,0.058981359317475626,0.08159169311189597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230900556572135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778202496371028,0.0,0.0,0.2523645473164451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665211263637158,0.0,0.06138506329963653,0.06191717326272465,0.0,0.241946110573752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131689710351282,0.06350857056663853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799737691734432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394460475424266,0.0,0.0,0.16705323611891287,0.0,0.05349481389381065,0.0,0.08245014642685461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451052700066558,0.0,0.15203784848086402,0.0,0.09433577490015474,0.0,0.06907538881781967,0.0,0.08356432629062056,0.0,0.0,0.06428547476106716,0.0,0.0,0.11820915126812367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913398453789929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278463135192927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048691865983285086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815712946010077,0.0,0.0,0.07212066298755787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339637770181199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377385153462818
suicidewatch,maylx,2018/04/09,"Exams are making it worse My GCSEs are in a month and I've done no revision. I try, but I genuinely can't find the motivation within me to put pen to paper. I'm so terrified of failing my exams but I've got no motivation to study for them, I'm really struggling to push out the thoughts that killing myself is the answer to this sitatuion. ",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,5.311428571428575,77.76190476190479,76.14285714285714,8.666666666666666,25.952380952380953,9.2995712137729,2.387666666666667,270,10,53,7,6,97,51,70,0.39,0.61,0.0,-0.988,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,3,2,3,1,1,4,0,5,0,0,3,0,10,10,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,10,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,35,10,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324978379867903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969637308001681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598618506218198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594670476891353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168813188256561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25934170141849755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266263552760769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081469814464081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396686244933848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794387760619714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059395667237225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311131407297387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blanketshaun,2018/04/09,"Hopeless I’ve always been the type to overcompensate to try keep people around me, id be anyone but me because my opinion on myself is that low that no one would like me for me. I’m currently 21 and feel all I’ve had to offer, I’ve given and I’m reaching my limit, I’m not saying that my reason for wanting to end things revolves around the lack of company in my life, but it’s definitely contributing. I grew up with a turbulent family life, my dad died 8 years ago and that’s probably where things really went downhill for me, because it left me with loads of regrets. I don’t talk to family about my problems because they have their own lives, own families, own problems to deal with, so there’s just no time for me really. I feel super useless in life and maybe I’m just a waste of oxygen, a waste of resources, I don’t know I’m just not what the world wants or needs",4.0669152854511985,4.652509977900557,5.41736187845304,83.0878476058932,70.76795580110496,8.685267034990794,27.23802946593002,8.841846274778883,1.9047233885819528,690,22,144,12,12,232,105,181,0.202,0.723,0.075,-0.9755,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,2,9,8,0,0,6,0,8,3,0,1,1,33,22,8,1,8,8,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,4,3,20,2,24,16,5,17,0,4,0,0,7,10,0,2,6,90,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131783701572761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370226784941495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395093096856046,0.0,0.0,0.2646890454112589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718767828836692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532684234699313,0.0,0.0,0.1542921440773411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316742119411662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204480592954119,0.0,0.1503402925650706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214143486874896,0.0,0.0,0.08170310843353179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152636581605911,0.0,0.31502220477824805,0.07263084290000996,0.0,0.1312750632398847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935527664406395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023417489058038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074012982100712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306649095463068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028741188791515,0.2845071352884471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904788723311907,0.15285371283315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182254057686754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949233750860215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753456256225246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866885128585399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093465640972447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753744666226619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781514600388653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560827137805534,0.0,0.0,0.09573622053862248
suicidewatch,rom1bki,2018/04/09,"So tired and lonely. I’m a 36 yo french dude and I live with my mom. 

I’m unemployed, broke, constantly tired. 

People say I’m handsome, kind, smart and I have good social skills. 

Haven’t had sex in 6 years. Haven’t had a real gf in 18 years. Have no friends. No driving license. 

I love working out. Lost lot of weight these past few months, gained muscle, and recently stopped smoking and fapping. 

Still, all these new habits and victories of the will are but a short a respite from my ever looming depression and self loathing. 

It seems I can never find the strength to do anything with my life. I’ve spent years living in my bedroom fantasizing about life’s possibilities, occasionally taking actions which mostly result in failures. 

These days I don’t seem to be able to find the strength to keep going. I don’t feel that it’s worth it. 
The loneliness and sexual frustration are just so painful I numb myself with xanax. The only thing that keeps we trying is knowing that it would be a huge waste of potential.  On the brink of saying fuck it though. 

",2.8490782649693536,5.428615331683169,3.2911315417256013,88.59938943894394,78.85148514851484,6.223856671381424,24.47053276756247,7.447530270364453,1.1865720886374351,835,30,162,12,21,259,132,202,0.267,0.647,0.086,-0.9923,2,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,6,7,16,2,0,11,0,17,11,0,1,3,32,32,12,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,2,7,2,1,1,13,13,1,3,6,0,2,3,7,8,0,0,4,4,13,8,19,24,4,25,0,4,0,3,9,9,1,4,13,95,26,2,0.13275380925928387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924507366277307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345970615452686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856152245236136,0.0,0.11434066138895893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008342077403633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712431476715502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266915324989904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256526372366052,0.12272875749382472,0.0,0.0,0.07544704911478595,0.11134759674486797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359953706774737,0.0,0.13824266363698018,0.07295802175685771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875358829527885,0.0,0.0,0.23444809147696136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491646481468246,0.112862541311099,0.11981549591126492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547965693662952,0.10596282400554237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238792171350244,0.1282144562239622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096525405743886,0.14125941289136684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672853234461065,0.09203477607695074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965997331346992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110289844462618,0.0,0.0,0.13107837110466125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114231494145602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24170816413053656,0.1384911755874262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532579045842758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601736355955038,0.11098812886284573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981434314757093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881957320196245,0.0,0.13042994356934134,0.0,0.0,0.30516194973858285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013112229814964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165837559336688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664635423099603,0.0,0.0,0.09430449720493247,0.0,0.0,0.2564673019751184
suicidewatch,thr0waway2044,2018/04/09,"Do I even have another choice? I have absolutely nothing to live for, nothing to distract myself with, and no one to support me. If I don't kill myself like this, starvation or dehydration will probably do it since I don't have money and feel too much emotional pain to leave bed anyway.

I've been stuck here for a year. If there was another way out, surely I would have discovered it by now, don't you think?

I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's the only way ",3.4821428571428577,4.581219000000004,5.123154761904762,82.75875000000002,72.54166666666666,8.81904761904762,27.255952380952376,9.23628265651192,2.1640702380952392,368,13,77,8,7,125,64,96,0.113,0.75,0.13699999999999998,0.5229,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,1,2,0,14,1,0,0,1,13,20,5,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,1,10,3,9,15,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080862454401839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188859938819474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570478816809911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838984729453444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528346483068328,0.0,0.10694081041228028,0.0,0.0,0.20604124024108256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506616516277293,0.0,0.1718253065147152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304501705014105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734260362716773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185827725099605,0.1479934054183615,0.20705599917867504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979943180650965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096570794362355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208168471786121,0.18339746084247088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468452331424415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308910760470997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755859530339353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823016460380053,0.0,0.0,0.12530868416760574
suicidewatch,Imdonebyebye,2018/04/09,"I'm done I have spent most of my life trying not to hurt anyone by ending my life.   I am 54 have enormous amount of student dept that I can't pay because I can't find work and basically I am a burden on my family.   I'm alone in this life my children are grown the last time I tried to have a relationship he like the others abused and tried to kill me.   And basically I live in my dead parents house and have to bow down to my sister and ask permission to do anything.   I can't even choose where to put the cats litter box.   Just because I'm not as pretty and successful as my sisters I am apparently stupid to. 

So I am going to take myself and my unwanted cats out of the equation. 

Yes, people will hurt for a day or two.   But reality is,  once your gone everyone goes on and you are quickly forgotten.   And when you are like me and everyone forgets about you on the regular anyway.   It won't take anyone any time at all to get over me. 

No there is no help to get the dept off my back because if you are in default there is no option other than to come up with $$$ and make 120 payments on time.   You don't go into default if you can make the payments so.....  The most ridiculous thing ever.   I can't go on disability because of the loans and I can't work because I am a sick broken mess. 

And so we go to sleep now and the unwanted are crossing the rainbow bridge..... 

Good bye ",2.4951022334067328,3.6148401349480963,4.395465555206041,86.94657360805286,74.98615916955019,7.330670022019503,25.247090279962247,7.84624498591911,1.237489965397924,1065,35,235,15,22,364,150,289,0.155,0.767,0.078,-0.9693,2,1,0,0,1,1,29.0,1,7,0,3,15,11,3,0,15,1,28,5,1,2,2,38,45,24,2,4,7,3,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,19,0,0,2,0,3,9,12,7,0,1,3,0,34,4,39,40,4,37,0,2,0,0,17,17,0,6,14,163,40,7,0.0,0.14242739499258836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449973477190727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174589014795047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810513174343,0.0,0.09892133857835417,0.0,0.1123787040799156,0.0,0.0,0.09243290292913066,0.0,0.3663898756428813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354896359031417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752452654025893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230150129759814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646903562738047,0.0,0.0,0.07939656890369269,0.10873545438491752,0.0,0.22972871268504144,0.0,0.0,0.11332185891389696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986837514182528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256079412505662,0.0,0.27326900298533824,0.10082517177375057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805732118582292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870444917529506,0.257371333213403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299287539329352,0.0,0.0,0.09798595715816802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547204182922121,0.11745558505902455,0.0,0.10614629226958197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048019085553264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280181105621452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347729397644648,0.0,0.0,0.08333742602796608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229524231751245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208427266049784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905892331540192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202952955157764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076363725024475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986117429157863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102835983133382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448410065471136,0.0,0.11742622031686348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502641370831454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,belbb22,2018/04/09,"Still Suicidal, But A Friend Shed Some Light For Me I'm still depressed, and I still feel incredibly suicidal. But one of the most important friends in my life just texted me that they miss me already. She came to visit me from out of state this weekend, and knowing that she cares enough to let me know that may help me make it through the rest of today, instead of thinking of tools I have in order to off myself. 

For everyone in the same situation as me on here, no matter how confident you are that no one thinks or cares, I was just proven this afternoon that it is never the case. Hopefully this can also help you survive through another day. Hopefully longer. ",5.998750000000001,6.604376375000001,5.9531250000000036,80.87937500000002,66.5,9.8375,32.40625,9.827888789773867,2.959653125,528,21,103,11,8,166,86,128,0.151,0.691,0.159,0.0676,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,1,9,8,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,2,1,24,20,8,2,2,5,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,2,0,2,2,2,17,6,20,16,5,18,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,6,8,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468430913974875,0.1265897879953462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598785825913204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810492171734904,0.3227880053480314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208825513142504,0.0,0.13634068796435175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635627731350993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125924967387755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003955148866519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445992256378423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122058392622281,0.0,0.0,0.3144486170960569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399141754148795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186906768471362,0.11180961780869286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566425490577834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208814883597564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145318376121528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793208690266635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792477699959761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463017238229156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286022588845898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004673186767886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeirdAltYankovic,2018/04/09,"what's the point of living with mental illness as severe as bpd? shit like this doesn't ever leave, it's constant mental anguish, anger and sadness boils in me every single second of the day. how can i even begin to imagine a lifetime of this shit? i have serious doubts anyone ever makes it through or recovers from this cancer. i absolutely hate my life ",5.110441176470586,6.6671538676470625,5.852235294117651,77.32805882352943,69.14705882352939,7.2047058823529415,28.30588235294117,7.554174236665415,1.8998023529411765,285,10,47,3,5,93,55,68,0.411,0.547,0.042,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,4,2,3,0,3,6,2,2,2,9,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,5,1,10,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,6,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471359990670221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26502642722214537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739767836210284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570851224349573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389855665556748,0.38068795518627535,0.17729448346038662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775387142533813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281263958658384,0.0,0.0,0.1486313667306557,0.10280438600790423,0.0,0.18581158824088614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404621796319315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241234256945945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892227188636852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377234997168184,0.43200219212110746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gyndemia,2018/04/09,"I just tried to commit suicide and it didn't work help I need to commit suicide. I'm 15. I dont have a future. Im a disgusting trans, parents and siblings dont accept me and are hyper religious, I have no friends, not in school, bullied in my past, have anxiety to where i can talk to no one, not even my parents, depression as well, the only person I have is my boyfriend who is leaving me for some random girl irl because he doesnt like long distance. He's all i had. I tried to hang myself and let myself dangle for some time but i didn't pass out. I could barely breathe, each breathe was a tiny wheeze... I was trying to get a therapist but my parents are gatekeeping me from it. I dont find fun in anything anymore, I have no one to talk to, i'm stupid, retarded, and a waste of space. My heart is physically aching right now. I dont know what to do, Im going to try it again later when my parents are sleeping/not at home and this time ill kick the thing that was under me to make sure i complete it. ",1.7345539906103298,3.2307112112676117,3.484154929577468,91.15937793427231,77.73239436619718,6.2356807511737085,24.509389671361504,6.937597516519254,0.8031107981220669,780,27,174,8,18,261,121,213,0.218,0.727,0.055,-0.9874,4,0,0,0,0,5,28.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,7,0,26,5,3,1,4,26,33,10,2,2,5,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,12,3,1,2,6,0,27,6,22,25,4,21,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,3,10,117,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190267031377521,0.0,0.1061774270165198,0.0,0.0,0.08810347746180493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526442649250525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225320106013617,0.0,0.0,0.08548085194247228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221294421702438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019067350236419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071390176761913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785336563562283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271637427547343,0.0,0.055935840436628165,0.0,0.06084619807903841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686981166764874,0.07176186914771568,0.0,0.10739261464938893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312921700520814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058838858449171215,0.0,0.0,0.11336393770066842,0.0,0.10947886160567837,0.0,0.052305425905727024,0.0,0.0,0.09474711795454524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146518173582629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938563338657627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509690885289964,0.08142600564977433,0.0,0.0,0.4755218208941555,0.0,0.10220345887318252,0.0,0.09348301759345938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914309584273394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835316537003624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342184275136661,0.0,0.10090532507511664,0.0,0.0,0.17210588109139124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430804330474875,0.07112769873911705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485823942432593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29075417447251656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626222249497443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779429186714691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Venexion,2018/04/09,"Help I want to kill myself and the vyvanse I just took is making it seem like a really attractive option


Get ready for a stream of consciousness wall of text:

Help. I'm sitting in my shitty busted car in the parking lot of the shitty community college I go to since I'm too dumb to go to a good college and I'm fighting to the urge to kill my self. I don't want to kill myself. However killing myself is the only option I have if I don't want to have a shitty life. I just got a bunch of etizolam so I don't have to be me when  I don't need to be sober but when I'm sober I just want to cry and kill myself please god why do I always feel like this. I just want to stop being so negative, my own thoughts scare me. I just played super hot vr and I keep pointing the gun at myself wishing it was real, I want to fucking die. Everyone says it's fine it gets easier blah blah blah but as far as I'm concerned if I plan on having any happiness at all in 50 years I need to work my ass off and I don't want to fucking do that, why can't I just be happy with who I am and where I am why do I always need to push and push and push and push and push. When can I just stop and say I'm in a good place. I took so many classes this semester so I have a chance of not going to a shitty college but I'm not gonna make it, I have so much homework it makes me want to cry. I haven't showered in 4 days and frankly I'm too afraid to go to class because I don't  want everyone to know I'm a smelly piece of shit that should die but then at the same time I'm so fucking charismatic. When I'm able to go to class I put on a show for everyone and everyone fucking loves me. But they don't fucking know. They all think I'm a fun guy ""oh archy I wish I could be as chill as you"" like no I want to kill you and my self. Why do I want to kill myself if I'm so fucking awesome. Why don't I feel awesome. Why do I always feel like garbage. I can't remember anything I've done the past few months because I'm so high all the time everything is a haze please someone help me I'm so tired of being alone and having to put up a front. I don't want depression memes but I just want to be myself please god I don't want to die why do I want to die. I'm not going to call the depression whatever hotline because I just don't want to, why should I trust some fuck ass I don't even know with my life. They don't fucking care about me, they just want a way to feel better about themselves help
Help
Help
Please
Help
I'm so alone
I hate being alone
Everyday it's a fight to be with someone but there is a void
I can't fill this void I want to put a bullet in my head that will fill the void,
The void is a perfect circle, the size of a bullet. Maybe I already killed myself and now I'm trying to fill in the hole
Inb4 ""le edgy teen""



Look at all these dumb fucks posting to this sub and yet no one gives a flying fuck. I bet if I start spam posting this to reddit it will either go viral or get suffocated in the disgusting fucking void 



I want to die





I want so badly to love someone and to be loved by someone but I don't feel like I can trust anyone to love. Every one I have been with I've always had the overwhelming guilt that I'm only it for the sex because it's true. Fucking a girl brings me momentary pleasure and helps me convince myself I'm hot shit when really all I am is shit",1.440307947630462,2.4058660106951884,3.463986723215936,93.19767379679146,77.39572192513369,6.5489950212059735,21.987460815047026,6.953978226594392,0.35698526645768025,2608,68,635,26,58,889,255,748,0.225,0.556,0.219,-0.9824,2,3,0,1,3,8,37.0,0,2,4,5,40,62,29,4,38,0,62,26,6,3,7,111,158,53,13,32,27,0,7,8,0,5,3,2,2,4,21,23,0,3,13,2,1,23,24,36,0,2,8,10,85,26,79,134,14,67,0,3,1,19,29,22,19,11,23,373,106,8,0.03828450294892851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118953597159331,0.04224790100861636,0.0,0.12742309344438302,0.0,0.0,0.026034774836817258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02676941462092227,0.0,0.031504883875909266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0319659608175988,0.09335151061503046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03385953170119525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909275797489471,0.0,0.039033602284801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03056706036636175,0.0,0.084107457575268,0.0246903372041525,0.0,0.06594877258216084,0.0,0.19866634858742227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039178338612269985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025286553128020608,0.0,0.03225634493154491,0.14632993285612642,0.03440764265149618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678897505791297,0.08205136966895976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247208728162723,0.060006217968683724,0.036725983750320164,0.15230575704814925,0.06422244935524339,0.03061961436416093,0.0,0.0,0.03790767700041851,0.0,0.08150913057314806,0.0,0.03779802059694004,0.03929094510496882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052903625918388,0.040449679330612325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034029025287661864,0.3388490415357818,0.0,0.06312048478344681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408295328018125,0.09351937157953284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03214934027864478,0.0,0.0,0.032548115340397754,0.1382130345527954,0.0,0.0766656090073417,0.03881447699986849,0.038461928999142116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03055832499837122,0.0,0.028143514738830037,0.08516242150636517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188514001783588,0.05823417931686981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654689004655685,0.0,0.0,0.03999915714054687,0.16809955046983335,0.03619122993167985,0.0,0.07333194202199078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154594991430242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357614590023812,0.04905206583961751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043368878723313686,0.0,0.0,0.06089074674483936,0.03832946623741645,0.0,0.0,0.03485277361933208,0.07987817223115358,0.0,0.11789547634195398,0.031669336460490936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975334044287692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027097968236506863,0.0,0.0,0.06401511746373517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024531163629198004,0.0,0.030393618920971775,0.04464800309067482,0.044002404261897,0.0,0.0,0.08507098289161757,0.025992664441547342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516238351309248,0.030388456443929405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763664731032141,0.0,0.08805057798686759,0.0,0.0,0.027871574113049417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024653964692375373
suicidewatch,weddie86,2018/04/09,"broken heart i can not even describe how much my soul physically hurts, dealing with so much and then this? girls are heartless, anyone want to talk?",2.7038888888888906,5.730794111111113,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,89.37037037037037,4.181481481481482,21.564814814814817,5.985473137389443,0.34841481481481473,119,4,21,1,4,35,26,27,0.295,0.665,0.039,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520842886522564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716807645999429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812036415478985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42721848178916105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859446096601343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300480412871904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28977269005278683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264430849452173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidal_Veteran,2018/04/09,"I just need an ally I just need someone to help me and be there for me.  I can't do this alone.  I need someone to ask me to do my stuff, to remind me to pay my bills or take my pills, to be there for me when things get tough.  


I don't want, or would even benefit from, a fake online relationship with someone... But everyone in my actual life has no patience for my depressive episodes and has either left me entirely or distanced themselves enough to not be too involved.   Not even professional therapy is enough, I can't afford it and i only see her once every 2 weeks, which is just... 


God.  I feel like total shit.  ",3.4124444444444464,4.412345640000005,4.741866666666667,85.80337777777778,72.6,8.115555555555558,25.88888888888889,8.515128840125781,1.5737022222222223,475,15,102,8,9,158,78,125,0.139,0.78,0.08,-0.6779999999999999,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,0,2,0,13,3,1,0,1,21,22,8,0,5,10,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,2,20,2,13,18,4,4,0,1,1,0,5,2,1,3,3,76,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.16316495131251266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317076000773945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563112213038629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401076565595713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34552855121511505,0.0,0.22087057782490546,0.0,0.14087482598913387,0.1597685964719216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454231282488367,0.11944908253777145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873561003532201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207192014759663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166537147554546,0.0,0.1180996583539306,0.08168641069432445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719343073737357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806458416491194,0.0,0.12716459188563026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951228472296876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323827972492522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163036450477914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42500892371387305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140619165505093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571503265343326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120996327988785,0.0,0.11108152376806346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862002238882794,0.0,0.13411929193156508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877544420600845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asncx,2018/04/09,"Let it happen. My last days, my feelings are killing me.. Hi dear reader.
First of all, english is not my native language, sorry.

I decided to kill myself at Friday.

I'm 18 years old and I'm an idiot, i made a lot of mistake. I'm a shame of a family. I have a brother and tomorrow he will be 25 years old. He living far away from me with his girlfriend in another country and we speak at Messenger. But he don't know my deepest problems. I live with my grandparents because my parents have long since divorced. I'm not talking to my parents. Nobody knows my deepest problems, I told my classmate how I feel right now and I try to mark i feel suicidal, but he didn't get notice. 

Let me tell you why I'm going to kill myself.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me at November 2017. Since that I'm going through depression yet I guess. I have very few friends, because I moved to another city when my parents divorced. I made a lot of mistakes. We met and discussed the past a couple of days ago. Everything was okay, I felt like she could be a friend of mine after broke up. On Saturday I was going to the party, she too. And I'm drank a lot. Very lot. I do not remember for this, but she said I tried to beat her and I said she was a bitch. I do not remember anything. They made videos and made pictures of me after I fell. I'm disgrace. I never drank it before. 
She blocked me on Facebook, and when we meet random at the station she did not say ""Hi"" or anything. Nothing. She is very important for me.

What I will do:
on Thursday: 
- I'm going to buy flower for her ( white rose )
- I'm going to her house and apologizing

On Friday:
- Impact.
- I will end up with killing myself using a plastic bag.


I'm really sorry for this. I'm worst among the people. 

Please learn from my story...


Edit: Please share your opinion if you have read it. Really hurts what I did. i'm shaking. forgive me
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suicidewatch,whoopsieoopsie,2018/04/09,"It's unbearable. I have done so many mistakes, told myself so many lies, isolated myself, my only friends and partners are legitimately fictional, I have become detached from reality.

And it hurts, way too much. To think about all of your wrongdoings and lies, how much of a sick and hopeless being you are. Everything hurts, I hate myself, I am finally aware that everything is my fault and I can't take it no more. There is no motivation, joy or hope left. I am afraid of the future, and my whole body aches.

I just want to go. I need to. Dunno when or how, but it's been too much. Noone can help me, I am terrible. Falling asleep to my devastating thoughts is horrendeous. I'm so lonely, even surrounded by other people. I have already left this world behind, and now I am breaking down.

I'm so so so so sorry. I want to change so much.... I hate myself so much. Why am I so sick??  

I don't know when I'll finally do it, but it's my only option. I'm dead and done, and have been for long. There is no waking me.

",0.6928821138211383,3.0213887170731724,2.93734756097561,89.21691565040652,86.21951219512195,6.34349593495935,20.2489837398374,7.6454224807358475,0.8395569105691059,777,24,166,15,24,264,110,205,0.256,0.659,0.085,-0.9911,0,2,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,2,0,1,22,13,2,1,2,0,24,5,3,3,1,28,39,27,1,5,5,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,6,0,28,3,14,32,8,17,0,4,0,0,6,5,0,5,8,122,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912759270309946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924062800471151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004160314221822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337129943993453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580382838958242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327176452489407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266172935651807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762193801327378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740571894413994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165168590644637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24894716608628334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450583718562693,0.0,0.0,0.1252215477762057,0.0,0.0,0.2699331388085684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928786905005092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739630816347371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157296512432134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556418008042659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634004722529358,0.0934834820987579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177239550301775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740496739511887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113134574907807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947931834058491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078417295193152,0.0,0.10008996738436228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047066725591273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872534608593296,0.10007296670536656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376364620710455,0.1407589384028114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ggmyfriiends,2018/04/09,"I'm a worthless idiot and deserve to die Ever since I was 12 I was bullied, I was called ugly and told to kill myself. My bullies would beat me up, while their friends would laugh. The girls at my school told me that I'm so ugly that they would rather die than be my friends. I was told that I would die alone almost everyday. During my final year at high school my best friend moved away and I was alone in the last year of high school. 

Now it has been threeyears since I finished high school but I still don't get over it. Everyday I think about them and think about how weak I am. They were right. I am 19 now, I have never had a girlfriend, I never tried talking to a girl after high school because I fear and know what they would say ""you are ugly, fuck off"", I never went to parties because I am afraid of getting beaten or bullied there. I feel like I'm just to ugly and worthless to live. 

goodbye reddit and goodbye world",3.874850202429148,4.642023294736841,4.145789473684213,91.37091093117412,71.31578947368422,6.2672064777327945,25.141700404858298,5.369823440869387,0.452797570850203,726,20,156,2,13,226,105,190,0.287,0.647,0.066,-0.9935,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,5,3,11,15,4,2,5,0,21,2,0,1,4,26,35,12,4,6,4,0,1,1,4,5,1,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,12,2,31,6,19,17,1,31,0,2,0,1,18,13,1,2,17,105,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343119456355208,0.19327109170151371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766285145478388,0.0,0.0,0.11375537688271445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791754229405658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527454644323408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905066907894631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439945681063081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499374499981667,0.04717766756323613,0.06665690727403269,0.0,0.10221075494420642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162609748319484,0.08625870582928992,0.09749572549834208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943262181167436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322784326760318,0.0,0.0512778314155782,0.07605579620740734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558397090641833,0.0,0.0823897730569269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916814623337736,0.0,0.0,0.21588704554436056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796817170824613,0.0,0.0741996546064876,0.0,0.4721467660686105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436524940855506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451326618816521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499479586146031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195717882067846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26746996194709943,0.0,0.06334777702586157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649440588970635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314049636324506,0.0,0.0,0.12017035511293556
suicidewatch,20kevin20,2018/04/09,"I'm not sure where to start from I've had 3 days of fear and doubts after I argued with somebody and I feel guilty but I just don't think I have done something wrong, I actually did everything I did because I love her and I don't want to lose her, I lost food appetite and I keep crying whenever I'm alone, sometimes I have even tremors and fever, but today I started having negative thoughts about myself and I'm afraid this will turn into something bad, I never had these kind of symptoms before and I want to do something about it before it worsens.... I don't want to talk to anyone besides that person about it, I'm trying to hide these feelings when I'm not alone, but if I'll talk to the person I argued with I'm afraid they'll leave me thinking I'm crazy or something and that's exactly what I'm scared of, what should I do? How do I stop this anxiety, how do I make things better? How can I talk to this person and make her understand what I truly feel and why I did what I did? I don't want to hurt or kill myself, but at this point I just feel like I'm worth nothing and I am afraid I'll lose everything I have..",3.020499630814669,3.842729573221757,4.210932808269753,89.91257445237507,73.35146443514645,6.9624415456559205,24.519074575436875,7.048011613610866,0.7846729510214123,884,25,197,8,17,290,111,239,0.258,0.63,0.112,-0.9841,0,2,4,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,4,11,20,3,6,1,0,24,4,0,5,3,49,53,22,1,6,11,0,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,16,14,1,2,8,0,1,0,8,15,0,0,9,4,34,5,21,41,0,12,0,4,0,1,13,4,0,4,9,125,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.10630648409448157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256510910744873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333626102337288,0.0,0.0,0.07617105864245749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095757641621263,0.06640678821439333,0.0,0.18539417999563354,0.0,0.0,0.09634563965407454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966182626620735,0.07025514564706442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148004430462437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195164886701269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958105250540247,0.0,0.0,0.1225840497232498,0.22032663170206124,0.07782438502114902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172666428133992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166189676172796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682792535576404,0.12052229465633213,0.11344078722558786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153482135157117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322095860267974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374455705683398,0.11891725331404272,0.0,0.09831960568764833,0.0,0.1454321578625727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401868233725604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452768123942502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853579178398583,0.0,0.0,0.10298037280628712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906461952374798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335459109673854,0.1077411607259054,0.0,0.15421188373847994,0.0,0.0,0.09107594124458264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026715304506243,0.11322692026593302,0.0,0.26267752764364016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237268877078283,0.139604450065706,0.0,0.08648355453303093,0.0,0.0,0.10325923376453988,0.0,0.0,0.0739608540376297,0.1184918244575781,0.0,0.11340692437232708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25701470216836625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829840849928907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191051569788025,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ApartShip,2018/04/09,"don't know what to say I don't know what to say to my mother. She knows I don't wanna live, but I just feel like she gets very disappointed in me whenever I'm sad. I haven't told anyone else, I don't know what I would say, but I really need someone other than my mother to talk to. I just wanna fucking die. ",3.4410869565217403,2.765216550724638,5.502717391304348,86.33494565217394,71.89855072463769,8.63913043478261,23.047101449275363,8.07648339933343,0.8536927536231884,238,4,58,3,4,84,38,69,0.211,0.742,0.047,-0.9228,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,16,2,1,4,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,4,13,1,9,14,0,1,0,2,0,1,9,1,1,0,1,36,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195987399794014,0.22267687528996952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255507916514571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815485618504322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098869038600105,0.15525822999641375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091502196133415,0.1135442251382828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47774825861077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617484261673217,0.0,0.19190344793581365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114498610604858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922504189727655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5184807176781376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414019827968967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467896037427838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766496460446246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931727866038533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543826444094404,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoeBeck55,2018/04/09,Anyone interested in teaming up to help people? Noticed some others on here trying to support those in need. I do what I can to help but I'm thinking teaming up and being more organized would expand our reach. If anyone is interested in trying to put something together let me know. ,4.0430188679245305,6.591455943396228,5.687396226415096,73.16656603773588,74.47169811320755,7.258867924528303,29.467924528301893,8.238735603445708,2.6454332075471703,227,10,35,4,5,77,40,53,0.0,0.736,0.264,0.909,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,10,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,0,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867149037420706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707068492769239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197463562330785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827724830071355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504481265680247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148332669932277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171231925093435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27799081980612994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128876761380204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138049895085105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719040023631746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375493856322758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964402440642072,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,agnosticmanator,2018/04/09,"Talking about Suicide on Social Media So my primary account on Reddit got suspended a few days ago because I was talking about suicide (someone reported it to the admins), I talked about it because I feel like there is no one in this damn world who will even listen to me (""free"" therapist was a bust, suicide hotlines don't help me at ALL), and so when I got my account suspended I deleted it... 400k karma, 4 years of interacting with people.. and then I go onto Twitter to rant about it.. and GUESS WHAT? Also suspended! 

Here's a hint to social media: When I talk about it and I get suspended, suspending me/banning me is not going to make me think about it LESS. It just reinforces that no one wants to hear my stupid shit of feeling worthless and wanting to just kill myself even more. So thank you Reddit and Twitter for reinforcing that my entire existence is worthless! 

What am I supposed to do anyways? I have been told now SIX times in two years that I do not qualify for Medicaid in the state of Oklahoma (thanks local government and Trump), which means I can't afford better care, better meds for my anxiety, depression, bipolar, ptsd, fibro, etc.. which also means I can't see a proper psychologist .. which means if I don't get the care I need and PROVE I have these issues, I will get denied again for disability when my hearing for social security is next month.. plus there's no chance in hell I'll be able to see my kids again (also been almost two years).. and I've had tell me I should set up a crowdsourcing campaign (like GoFundMe), but why should I expect OTHERS to help me? Why should I resort to begging? I'm not worth anyone's time, period. People don't need to feel bad for me and I would be absolutely too ashamed to even ask for others to do anything for me. 

What am I supposed to do? Just keep struggling with these issues and continue to get worse? ",4.929504132231409,6.004867272727277,5.74111955922865,79.76331570247936,69.11019283746558,8.562820936639119,29.396033057851238,8.841846274778883,2.337537388429752,1472,54,275,25,25,482,186,363,0.207,0.7709999999999999,0.022,-0.9957,1,0,0,0,0,4,56.0,0,1,0,2,29,21,5,2,8,0,30,2,1,1,2,44,64,24,4,10,8,0,3,2,0,6,1,3,0,1,22,14,0,2,8,0,4,2,11,11,0,5,8,8,39,11,45,48,5,33,2,3,2,0,19,11,3,3,20,197,61,3,0.08682359813299102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696388110875375,0.0,0.08694129188742468,0.0,0.0,0.20829840017535275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641981492509955,0.0,0.0,0.0607090785637957,0.0,0.07144842341344937,0.0,0.0811683439301285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724940778169307,0.10585371910873786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357683380753534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704488957213502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055994038058717215,0.0,0.07478103784808056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683126269995007,0.17203850314195354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170185991981154,0.06202679585438399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814469860505085,0.0,0.0986877033391659,0.0,0.13888152582717408,0.0,0.09564598192249517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957130104855757,0.0,0.11639205533128565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124255794374447,0.0,0.07717280332396302,0.09605744734788084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483524883687668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057955425950060126,0.0,0.0,0.2837290547304228,0.09644144454664563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930176768430979,0.0,0.0,0.12875719575559114,0.0,0.0,0.09233788160668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766783421459134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203851016697838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149213997741338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837433324569814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912317579488427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655171730291466,0.07356535294485791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090766876192826,0.0,0.2849127729518434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27914207743941594,0.07588765167323086,0.1598710080851273,0.0,0.10080888936064407,0.0,0.055633055900383414,0.0,0.0,0.10125507657645548,0.0,0.0,0.08296366875962967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696280788273952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242161540139584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566895855364442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848066404502213,0.0616769930229496,0.0,0.0,0.16773465172249216
suicidewatch,DustinScarsdale,2018/04/09,"Does Climate Play into Depression? Im sure i could spend days Googling this, but just wanted some personal opinions on the matter.

I find less sunny, wet amd cold drab climates to be very challenging for me to not think about killing myself....

",4.836818181818182,7.434240863636365,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,72.18181818181819,7.127272727272729,29.181818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.1892,194,8,33,3,4,58,41,44,0.046,0.664,0.29,0.8891,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,4,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,3,6,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679748205394719,0.0,0.0,0.2164548570271735,0.0,0.28907932731652597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937138021466992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30676154366169217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625401265514045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713270511099325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930608936835901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632916336256395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505941665208272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27693152869403603,0.1979644341327326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,666NAIBSEL999,2018/04/09,"Attempted suicide with 100-200 DPH pills, booze, probablyl benzos and other gabaergics and ended up with a grand-mal Seizure, ended up tortured in the hospital. REAL THREAD HERE:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OutcastswithinAliens/comments/8apw8o/attempted_suicide_with_100200_dph_pills_booze/",22.024408602150537,29.13340929032259,12.040000000000004,27.146666666666675,36.74193548387096,9.29462365591398,36.13978494623656,9.725611199111238,4.692410752688172,252,8,19,4,3,62,27,31,0.238,0.762,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7465651562916542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797061853564192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610015652272895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamslowlydying,2018/04/09,"I hate everything about me Hi, this is my first post on reddit. I am an 18 years old programmer from Turkey and i hate everything about me.

I have no friends (i've only had one in my entire life), i am online 12 hours everyday (can be more at sometimes), i only go out when i have to.
I think i'm very good at what i do, i make websites, games and stuff. I've only earned $3-4k in 4 years with my skills, i don't make enough money to live. (especially in turkey!) I thought it'd be very fun if i learn programming, it was fun at first but now i don't like it anymore.

I hate my gender, my country and my life. I am uneducated, almost everything in turkey's education system is about islam. I learned english on my own. I won't say much about our government because i don't want to end up in jail, but living here is hard. Our economy is fucked, most of turkish people are uneducated and thinks we have the best economy, army and we rule the world. I am ashamed of being a turk, i wish i was born in a country that values it's people.

I hate myself because i could be anything i want, i could be much better. I am smart and stupid at the same time. I wasted myself, ruined my own life. I know it's never too late to do things but i won't be able to live my childhood or my youth, i won't be able to do things i would love to do. I think life and existance is worthless, nothing makes sense, i don't even know what i am and why am i like this. I could born in canada, united states, europe or somewhere else in the world, why turkey? I could born as a billionaire, why am i poor? Why do i have to live this life?

The world is a bad place, people are evil and life is worthless.

I'm trying to live because of my family and my dog, i don't want to hurt them but when they're gone, i won't have a reason to live anymore and i will probably commit suicide.

I'm here if anyone can change my mind, prove life is worth living even if it's 18 years late.

(sorry if i made grammar issues)",1.5523392010832782,2.9099516137440813,3.652570074475289,90.35055450236969,77.88625592417061,6.4342315504400815,21.298849018280297,7.110495986334442,0.4147694515910629,1519,39,349,17,35,520,187,422,0.182,0.711,0.107,-0.9883,3,0,0,0,0,3,60.0,4,0,1,6,12,23,7,1,11,0,56,9,0,5,3,54,81,24,1,13,10,0,1,2,1,6,7,1,0,0,15,15,0,0,10,1,3,2,11,13,0,3,6,2,66,10,37,57,9,46,1,4,0,2,10,20,1,8,23,227,81,5,0.14245022097934704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132165970951397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412723416952889,0.049802253320685545,0.0,0.05861219716028139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059469992184024725,0.13025449880079149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474635921879773,0.06299282218090625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534672278545261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274698203440637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059499440407564004,0.0,0.06308430716102907,0.07359457880799562,0.0,0.09408702747682793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920376100594464,0.0,0.06714469529716131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116808519430347,0.0,0.0,0.05502834368279605,0.06584646694156314,0.0,0.0,0.040478871674596816,0.059740243426259436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380370896130051,0.28128020331352976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014238662639027,0.0,0.07624795389196924,0.0,0.0,0.07434051048656734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828691605513073,0.0,0.1606900539595926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521588134093301,0.06959398253191619,0.0,0.4402515422682801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428344303090551,0.06739492169645406,0.14262994297171228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191705759792634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471730295231776,0.0,0.054933196098418256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834241446669441,0.0,0.07473877210571025,0.0,0.04826397818815055,0.16250971816138982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481355706073215,0.0,0.07441508096970081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682139674100798,0.0,0.07679271572251087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323127610878509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664106662799566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044345549564655,0.07973067990750674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153571105228974,0.07790871057248297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463759711100103,0.13691452457361386,0.0,0.056544781806755415,0.04153193470369453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048357174683445435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753635090196934,0.12603124663737014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570783354387095,0.0,0.08190536199673687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059627494361104,0.0,0.0,0.1375999078451213
suicidewatch,EmotionalHumanoid,2018/04/09,"There's nothing to fight for You should help the people who are at a dangerous level. I am at a mild level. But if you want to hear what I want to say. I'd rather do it over PMs. If that's not your thing, I understand and let this thread die.",0.1933333333333352,1.7124531481481462,2.170148148148151,98.7396666666667,82.33333333333334,5.801481481481483,16.355555555555554,6.742157984588678,-0.5386844444444443,186,3,48,2,5,62,42,54,0.128,0.7340000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.3645,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,9,4,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,0,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35000057965104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800925813232656,0.0,0.2260440256201017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448494707783302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32358967626615265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379888712050784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681857899892428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224046440638115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510774323973059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978243049312703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkwhyiliveanymore,2018/04/09,why am i suicidal please someone explain to me why i want to end my life please.,4.524705882352944,4.248803823529413,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,69.58823529411765,9.15294117647059,34.64705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.7015176470588242,63,3,14,1,1,21,13,17,0.21,0.514,0.276,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598013635718702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071860975414442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6439716721808262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248535690257668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32085300055987936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301233435372654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5293654245997894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmilyandMomo,2018/04/09,"Another Monday I'm sitting in the hallway of my high school. I'm suppose to be in the common room for lunch. I never go in there though. The school year is almost over and I haven't eaten lunch in there once. No one questions it. My teachers are always saying ""oh, I tried to find you during lunch but I never could"". 
The hallway I'm in is the only one in the school that doesent have a security camera. It's funny because there's an exit door too.
I think about just walking out. All the way. Past the parking lot. Walking onto the highway, and just laying there waiting for death.
I use to have friends. Along time ago. It's just a distant memory. Now it's just unhealthy relationships. I never speak my mind with piers. It causes too much pain. Too much conflict.
They don't care
I don't care
I use to get angry and frustrated. I used the analogy "" I wake up everyday just to bang my head against the wall"". Now I just don't care. It's like I've broken my brain from hitting my head against the wall too much.
I'm tired.
",0.28577922077922224,2.6856900574162696,2.056956596035544,93.60994617224884,91.00956937799043,4.325427204374574,19.90447710184552,5.985473137389443,0.03738263841421752,798,26,166,7,28,261,115,209,0.218,0.733,0.049,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,0,18,8,1,0,15,0,11,10,4,4,4,30,27,5,1,1,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,7,6,4,3,3,0,0,3,8,2,0,2,1,2,20,6,24,23,5,32,0,0,0,0,7,15,0,3,13,109,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002595766209332,0.0,0.12428945581339045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327878427052674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015190396525625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756631334676055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385603122060205,0.0,0.0,0.3796495169629278,0.1275066665266834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910068098415972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344453115194032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589573375750528,0.0,0.06484820579960665,0.0,0.07054094019778648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547683270648183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114086599135066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060639350318039666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552340841169064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532703233424844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737300979365742,0.0,0.2871897713950099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321850306144297,0.16821547924786667,0.09439976820941462,0.13207371148451588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848773313683485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904415414446453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332597212581909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987061627078833,0.0,0.3768518526998189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953185526674607,0.12194845202398318,0.0,0.07237607178834167,0.14265906420275487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427014949676992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216026030057345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852163379652222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992998543826392
suicidewatch,andyroo5000,2018/04/09,I don’t want to live I fell in love with a girl. We dated for a while. She died in a car accident. I fell in love with another. She hates me now. I’ve been diagnosed with GAD and depression. The only thing keeping me sane at this point is the copious amounts of benzos I’ve been taking. I’m 19 and don’t have a job or even a drivers license. I’m living off of my dad who has enough trouble as it is paying for his divorce with my mom. I dropped out of school in grade 11 because the depression and anxiety were so bad I couldn’t go without having a panic attack the whole day. I want to die but as an atheist. I’m terrified of the void that I believe awaits me. And I’m left considering if it’s any worse than what my life is now. Idk if anyone will read this. Or care if they do. But I’ve pushed all my real friends away and just need to get this out to someone who might understand. Thanks for your time. ,1.0392820512820506,2.7561383897435903,2.976538461538464,93.01762820512822,80.48717948717949,6.384615384615388,22.628205128205128,7.3871296695380915,0.7082820512820516,706,23,164,10,18,237,122,195,0.14800000000000002,0.73,0.122,-0.6617,1,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,1,1,1,0,6,12,2,1,12,0,15,4,0,0,1,30,32,16,2,7,9,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,10,12,0,1,1,1,1,5,4,7,0,0,3,0,20,5,28,26,4,23,0,2,0,2,15,11,0,6,6,106,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979169496493214,0.15098423790191115,0.1101506194787712,0.0,0.0,0.10067993443415127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638074246764393,0.13528170355460895,0.0,0.12022417691289874,0.08777390261556679,0.0,0.0,0.16222545371519095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468056203100906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286051137361473,0.0,0.24803374274741435,0.14614504592837846,0.2988741477285963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877835589861588,0.0,0.09510288316148052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124496713691237,0.0,0.07522791932858397,0.0,0.08183184242537264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421585899180008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428861234114875,0.12798337518154654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644365825512505,0.0,0.10170316137578507,0.0,0.0,0.2542885308805557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599100401292435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527487822231664,0.0,0.16863730173770045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676546517647884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950955481235447,0.0,0.16893919096528692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611544025938382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402721832756227,0.16389015502416068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572379926406198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200077955935976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826124674296043,0.0,0.0,0.13256503798701316,0.0,0.0,0.09565939728457702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396070828294519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989684945537046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985600452519325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075774242606192,0.0,0.13879953771837145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673633113014306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sillybammy,2018/04/09,"My life was going well, then I fucked up my knee, and now despite my successful past of coping with mental health issues, I've lost a lot of my hope in life. I'm 19, and in August last year I got a meniscus removal for a tear I had. I kept going to places to figure out why it still hurts, and now, 8 months later, one possibility that I've heard is that I have another tear, or a tear that was originally there anyway. They're going in to fix it, but either way there's still a piece missing. Because of my knee, I don't go out much or walk a lot of long distances or get to the gym as much as I used to, and I now have a very different perspective on how easily humans can be ""broken"". As dumb as it may sound, mortality is kinda staring me down lately.

I had to cancel a job I got over the summer because I have to take a few months to heal on crutches. I'm staying with family, which I don't know how I feel about. But my real fear is that the surgery won't work, and I'll just keep getting worse. 19, unable to do all the other shit I used to do and that my 27 year old friends can do, hell, shit my Dad can do. Which is kinda why I think about killing myself, because maybe I'm already practically dead anyway?",6.419504504504503,4.122952285714291,7.406650579150579,80.40282014157016,66.68339768339769,10.177734877734878,30.849742599742605,8.344100000000001,1.9934630630630623,938,24,213,10,12,320,142,259,0.203,0.757,0.04,-0.9936,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,3,15,14,6,1,13,0,23,9,4,5,1,36,47,18,3,1,7,1,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,11,10,0,2,4,1,0,6,3,10,1,1,9,4,25,4,33,35,8,38,1,3,1,1,4,11,5,9,19,139,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264290388150918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603943443454765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198171119881992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255826734410515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331319180094172,0.13525761703250164,0.06077637188544908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286567218185626,0.11112230541731498,0.12559833447015042,0.0,0.27324810275180217,0.0,0.19226870296661355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277662229776405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938501488355754,0.0,0.0,0.12867582443486553,0.0,0.0,0.12545682851137244,0.11927924685111055,0.10683865050460653,0.1329827037963543,0.0,0.06605838551503776,0.0979784629697841,0.13559003301930828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980062446435312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637258793331104,0.0,0.0,0.13121172243550974,0.20437827354973945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075634125089806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113261170404285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918838507367361,0.0,0.17672061481251455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261289336573884,0.0,0.08145014871698407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474382177294085,0.0,0.0,0.1255826734410515,0.0,0.0,0.13550663758755485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681310536570973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467656848135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128116448591245,0.19198261423930169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037490601851116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701885068102347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762718516122894,0.0,0.0991770013579964,0.0,0.09540860045041008,0.0,0.0,0.10807359577855527,0.0,0.2169223242618905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750651364548466,0.0,0.12249334396520893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480880190104224
suicidewatch,Bastard_Orphan,2018/04/09,"I'm not sad as much as I'm just tired. So. Fucking. Tired. I've been feeling more down than before, even while being on meds. It feels like a relapse and it worries me and I really don't want to go through all this bullshit yet another time. I don't know what to do. I find myself thinking about pulling the plug, and actually doing research about it. I think the only reason I am not taking any further steps than that is because my gf is going through a lot of family issues and the last thing I want is to hurt her. How fucked up is that? I really don't want to live for my own sake, and I kinda wish I had no one whose sake I have to live for. Few things make me feel better, and those that do are fleeting, as warming and lasting as a match in the middle of a blizzard. I don't want to go on like this. It's so tiring.",1.3940677966101729,2.819399593220343,3.2786666666666697,92.57325423728815,78.4915254237288,5.8499435028248605,21.969491525423727,6.42735559955562,0.26626508474576305,636,18,146,5,15,214,107,177,0.162,0.75,0.08800000000000001,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,2,0,8,0,17,5,0,3,1,28,37,15,0,5,3,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,14,7,0,0,8,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,2,4,17,4,25,34,6,17,0,2,0,2,3,7,2,2,7,105,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.13068531305974007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910692942362581,0.14042541190029434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163558395343777,0.0,0.11395493256389652,0.0,0.0,0.11844018911342437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845202470427825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262466124492762,0.0,0.2031399242810388,0.09567153129748332,0.0,0.0,0.12239924679933688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761132227454,0.0,0.0,0.2283272149230913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433627160336028,0.0,0.0,0.1397763080931846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359820390367422,0.2183231951430971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085180448916225,0.0,0.2365052947687248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385287221991253,0.0,0.0,0.08939175837257539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875346297074246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844563821494937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907467629812502,0.10185119026486199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158347037160462,0.13769070651308166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069018049815376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793923991652102,0.1716193646772738,0.0,0.0,0.07808905888396576,0.4617594650938832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159548272142731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399987218285693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600091946384216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whoturntonow,2018/04/09,"Can't focus at work. Live alone. Never been great at socializing, nobody at work has ever liked me. Just kinda over it. 30 female. Single but not pressed about it. History of all sorts of crazy stuff, parents love me but in their own way. I can't remember the last time anybody in my family asked me anything about my day or what's been going on. Nobody knew my major for almost two years. I asked my dad once and he couldn't even answer me.

Sometimes I'll talk to my dad but when I was a kid he has always used me as his therapist, and after I put my foot down a few years ago we barely talk at all. I barely talk to the rest of my family and I've told them how tough its been lately. Still nobody talks to me or answers my calls even though they are on their phones all day. My extended family hang out a lot but my mom is the black sheep so we don't get invited anywhere unless it's the holidays and then my mom will often just cause some underhanded drama. I'm 30 and only just now in school, i don't even have my associates degree. I think I might have a learning disability, I've always been really inquisitive and I know a lot but as far as putting it into school work I'm often frustrated and don't get things finished. I plan things out but don't always follow through. It will take me hours to study snd when I'm done I just kinda go ""I didn't even get anything done what happened""

Moved around a lot when I was a kid. A new school every year until 10th grade. No matter where I've gone I haven't made long term friends or any friends at all. I've always been bullied. I have high self confidence but low self worth and self esteem. Sometimes I think I am prettier than I maybe am. The friends I have made are great, but will say things like ""I've stuck up for you a lot,"" without telling me what I'm doing. Sometimes I think I'm just totally unaware of what I'm doing. Some people automatically dislike me especially some other women. Guys I do date are generally great but I run them off.

I think I've been suicidal since I was 10-12. Attempted three times as a teenager and kinda rode the ""I'm still here so there has to be a reason"" thing. Lately though it hasn't been working.

I'm easily frustrated with myself. I complain a lot, like way too much. I was super duper entitled though my 20s. Now I've calmed down but I have no idea how to act most of the time.

I have a therapy appointment on Thursday. I'm hoping to get some sort of coping techniques. Maybe advice. My last two therapists were awful. I'm medicated but I'm just totally stressed out and I don't know if it will end soon or not.

Sometimes I just don't even know. I'm trying to hold out bc my grandma but I barely see her since I work so often. I work 5 days a week and take 12 credits and live alone and my plants are all dying, I don't know why. Even though I'm in school full time I will probably be 35-36 before I have my bachelors. I have a job in my field but I'm not doing as well as my boss likes. It's such a great company and he knows everyone else in the field in the area so if I leave then I think I will have trouble getting hired.

I'm just so lost. ",1.1064713702837778,3.127596877458397,3.0078909365974447,91.33558187777932,81.73827534039334,6.184578003942604,19.8487369917022,7.348242739294969,0.432664952092789,2460,65,545,36,66,823,287,661,0.125,0.7709999999999999,0.104,-0.9285,2,2,0,0,0,0,63.0,2,1,5,10,46,25,2,1,25,1,59,3,1,8,9,113,108,57,2,4,32,5,1,4,3,7,1,1,0,7,19,23,0,1,17,2,2,11,20,8,1,3,22,4,79,17,57,76,25,83,0,2,2,1,42,32,0,27,42,349,98,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054197461737455134,0.04916429466710938,0.0,0.05553783452074832,0.1148851618424064,0.0,0.0,0.18459747829075676,0.0,0.0,0.03771650532751972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912820739181692,0.049373519139504884,0.10370018562299957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719463192493003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663356889656915,0.0,0.0,0.056975421603610035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730646689309173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756147646262814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113515098652084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633192902256051,0.0,0.04912344757868739,0.0,0.0,0.219795351812044,0.050169144126713534,0.046729676483949024,0.052996940887106166,0.0,0.0,0.15685575706796284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855092230831733,0.0,0.14488473294441648,0.0,0.06304140665841731,0.0,0.0,0.2445910789892932,0.0,0.054916745410768734,0.0490454400891914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859933706098495,0.0,0.05508692793400132,0.054619540224008035,0.0,0.0,0.06261058329055545,0.0,0.0,0.055038124187678436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524041156192267,0.09041892793605652,0.1251285747174992,0.05872694040557765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838500116905787,0.0,0.09794907586513152,0.049082701806008336,0.0,0.0,0.060544036493616935,0.2357618172869345,0.05005720893225566,0.1049602049072103,0.0,0.0,0.1114393774553704,0.0,0.0,0.055872787029945206,0.0,0.05883710919432356,0.0,0.129914375645639,0.0,0.05894802181398218,0.040771430912516296,0.0,0.04277621646826032,0.0535661750137196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590659143878344,0.0,0.04218184616950132,0.0,0.0,0.06158471160145265,0.0,0.0,0.0384508195711949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059798119611436336,0.0,0.0,0.1115105685078395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03553079514153295,0.05702484365672163,0.0,0.0,0.06282837303832753,0.0,0.0,0.044106127062613465,0.0,0.2245246597641535,0.04419655295477636,0.0,0.1735789263048498,0.0,0.0,0.09175855791477573,0.0,0.0,0.0565371892456798,0.0,0.0,0.21941592443704935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858509123189914,0.0,0.06353228059878184,0.0,0.06349146733821116,0.06066713945135869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340202394311602,0.17831511549980275,0.048476802556067115,0.0,0.06342637630137075,0.1287928277574095,0.14738768641108618,0.1776911399292158,0.21796709637985956,0.0,0.129362873847571,0.0,0.0,0.052996940887106166,0.0,0.03765550011593265,0.0,0.1083579041381942,0.0,0.0,0.047901923860677986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804734333570907,0.04448879406390019,0.0,0.04986758504011887,0.0,0.0500464168620571,0.0,0.0,0.0534640174409121,0.0,0.24226482774137945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071483886255266
suicidewatch,KooniieeTrades,2018/04/09,I dont feel like living. Im just existing Hi my name is javen im 14 from singapore and im autistic recently i have have few problems and its made me think. Why? Why me? Why am i always wrong? Why cant i be like others? I dont really feel....alive anymore i... just feel like a ant when someones sees me i just get smacked and its all over..i dong feel like im living life like the way most of the people live i feel like im just... existing if i cant go back on track and not feel like im alive again i might just.. be a bitch and end it all. Im like an canvas that is empty im a canvas with out any contents no life just a plain old canvas waiting to rot i have no life no colors no friends. Im really depressed every night i cry thinking why? Why am i born? Why tourture me? My parents dont seem to care about me anymore they just ignore me i havent went school in 4 months already and i feel that no one... no one loves me anymore i am in a mess i just sleep at 3am play games till 9pm and repeat it everyday for the 365days of my life. I feel like no one will ever love me not a girl or even my parents i just want someone to love someone to talk to someone i can trust someone that loves me. Well thanks for passing by probally planning to leave home or something cya have a nice day!,-1.3300588884799431,0.6624671608391637,1.249458962090543,99.50977548767023,94.17482517482516,3.989547294810453,18.01582627898417,5.580996634294187,-0.5494321678321681,992,30,242,7,38,337,138,286,0.208,0.6709999999999999,0.121,-0.9536,2,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,1,16,26,1,0,11,0,20,9,1,1,3,44,43,12,0,3,14,2,7,9,1,2,4,0,1,1,8,9,0,2,10,2,0,3,15,6,1,3,2,9,34,20,20,37,4,23,0,1,2,4,13,5,1,6,23,134,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404577119502468,0.0,0.048291809136487056,0.0,0.0,0.03946745737670418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267267101235956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044627217955029684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917305004904505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637514155148471,0.03742935505796256,0.0,0.049987572146227656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405838361985554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140395581915127,0.0,0.0,0.03833318951437968,0.052498197811610615,0.0488990562312714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23476383546707466,0.2487718027451745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04483959125129237,0.0,0.030322173130110423,0.0,0.03298402130118798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058216296186400875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642136644673634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061453281453152174,0.0,0.0,0.1639742741599052,0.2551875060461505,0.0,0.15374439956294048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095242645388001,0.05491644012950068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061568564720684914,0.0,0.0,0.046324940274541294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446421689937223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090054265782435,0.0,0.11798303797364082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888744379047648,0.0,0.0,0.04023586144441114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055534003192421535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436055544550513,0.0,0.05730498190940991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873699963922052,0.04624833490782468,0.052835116335850335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058079365700147975,0.0,0.2458747226311847,0.04468006580787485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046648305294310737,0.0,0.05343308799070492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437611125925052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034231992738663695,0.04606742777542823,0.0,0.0,0.052182639137937616,0.053801299221437525,0.3665884113720273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345484261308683,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PROshenobe,2018/04/09,"Found on r/schizophrenia. They need help [This is a link to the post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/schizophrenia/comments/8axlh8/i_have_gotten_the_perfect_combination_of_meds_to/?st=JFSDY6GY&sh=f9e57b29)

They seem to be in a really bad place.",16.09892473118279,21.73617738709678,8.6141935483871,51.70795698924732,49.322580645161295,10.58494623655914,32.913978494623656,10.504223727775694,4.370797849462367,213,7,24,5,3,53,25,31,0.155,0.735,0.11,-0.2716,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40046261458855387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30860146264807153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052485059640997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24773581234149686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740545168184733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38615446188831465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539756664275024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367759153305588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364709410000439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyslexic_gandalf,2018/04/09,"I hate being myself I THINK I can call myself a neet, 20-year old engineering student that goes to school without talking to anyone. I have had a group, which I devoted myself into. I poured and shared everything that I am to my friends, while getting away from others. I never had a group when I was younger, I only had the chance to be in one in my uni, I thought that they will be my friend forever, too cheesy for a guy I think.

Everything went wrong when I did a group project with some of my friends, I was harsh with them (since I am the most knowledgeable with the subject/matter), I have been too straightforward with their mistakes because I want them to learn. But they were telling those to our other friends without me knowing, just to feel like everyone was avoiding me day by day.

Now no one even wants to be my friend anymore, life is so unfair. I have been like this to them before but why now? I know that I have been wrong but why didn't they talk to me about the matter? Now their friends are also avoiding me, everyone is avoiding me.

I started to be a neet sort of, playing games and reading mangas. I envy the life of the characters of the manga that I have read, I feel like I will grow old without having anyone to be with. I feel like a background character, one that no one even notices even if I suddenly disappear.

I tried carbon monoxide, I just can't. My family is holding me back. It hurts to be hated, it hurts to be avoided. I want to have friends, I should have lived my life withouth knowing one, but I got the feeling of being loved and cared, now I can't deal with the thought of dying without anyone noticing.

*I apologize for any sort of bad grammar.

I always ask myself ""If I die, would I be given the chance to live again?"", I just can't anymore. I have wasted enough, killing my self would not matter.",4.7474816849816825,5.460875030219784,5.0425824175824205,85.92325091575094,69.30219780219781,7.715018315018318,30.276556776556767,7.6454224807358475,1.8127897435897435,1437,55,290,15,24,454,167,364,0.16899999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.149,-0.9567,0,7,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,8,0,19,29,3,4,17,0,46,4,0,0,1,56,70,14,3,9,14,0,4,4,7,5,3,0,0,2,13,10,0,5,13,4,0,3,12,13,0,5,17,4,66,16,42,38,3,23,0,2,0,1,31,4,0,6,20,224,79,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061792117094768985,0.06429412869197197,0.0,0.0,0.05254567656703298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326048219727526,0.16208517393097727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223623141075558,0.0,0.07259691673276082,0.059415212344933126,0.0645165187255883,0.047102561041593764,0.0,0.06575036163326911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890044870897897,0.0,0.07878105548287094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996644281498216,0.07966110819396771,0.0,0.0,0.16038637189004076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983969473335993,0.0,0.15310664875976704,0.0,0.0,0.14766798199960252,0.13888907229132708,0.0,0.07284248462751451,0.0,0.1562784302311088,0.16560330402436052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178857142379176,0.0,0.04036994546917054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617992036831907,0.0,0.0,0.0765086138657404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257459130026144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543646179864385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548687406165492,0.0,0.1273953240991728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373247254849918,0.1509992287644781,0.0,0.13646016288507068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697384311606282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059594737523642374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594289521319906,0.1621619648162935,0.0,0.2617979032948032,0.05876667593075525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458013465888196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820051228793266,0.0,0.0,0.08060858273466565,0.0,0.0,0.06391784531173368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054691507167007714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242120433044098,0.06753664916713348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902191188148426,0.0,0.12268615953340628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052460685656843364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672605267086896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162928284922865,0.1394467918454677,0.0,0.0,0.29793884073078003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977958462625716,0.16896338696129498,0.0,0.04975880386676609
suicidewatch,hurtedand,2018/04/09,"Pitiful, Suicidal, Rottened and part of Earth's unwanted. I'm an only child who was abandoned by her dad at a confusing age and thoroughly abused by her mother after the divorce. It wasn't until my first relationship did I feel loved. And then when we broke up after their infidelity, I shut off into a mute, pitiful and 'sleep, eat, sleep' life isolated from school, work, or life.

It seems everyone has family or friends that are always there to pull them off their feet. I know I can make my own family and friends but based on my experiences, people just want to use me or hurt me in some way.

It's pushed me into feeling worthless until the point where I reach for help. But then I have people who ask me to do things like let them own me or stream my suicide.

I feel sick. I feel disgusted. And I feel that I should just die.",4.071016260162601,5.3385605731707315,4.849756097560974,84.63406504065041,71.3170731707317,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,1.755737398373984,650,20,133,12,12,210,108,164,0.247,0.66,0.093,-0.985,0,0,0,0,2,1,20.0,1,0,4,2,6,13,1,1,5,0,10,8,3,2,0,32,23,17,3,3,8,2,5,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,8,9,1,1,7,0,0,2,1,9,0,1,3,6,26,4,20,18,4,23,0,6,0,1,19,11,0,7,10,93,34,2,0.0,0.17561510137686528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332995750371137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856461750649945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538277664834662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166488733549535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416294638031529,0.0,0.1449864771364604,0.2794550829552762,0.0,0.3747195224366572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260748788480153,0.0,0.0,0.2290270330472012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934797143119058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586713454111927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145720419042629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156381716774753,0.20938271546927315,0.0724122437207147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337732997770559,0.0,0.0989372339062286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272711509782694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605065716905308,0.0,0.2055125774244465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011472265596234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591315764976451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500053901258241,0.0,0.13493287513804833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966517855397464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242547319578394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847001849623742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801349809943208,0.0,0.0,0.08742331847197107,0.11764922481556367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790508872473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TlFF,2018/04/09,"It's probably a good time to die Why are people still reproducing instead of fighting for our rights and our future? The world will be soon inhospitable for the human race. The US government is turning into a dysopian government slowly under our noses and nobody gives enough shit. Every branch of health care from primary care to mental health care are crumbling. Profit before the People. You're SOL if you were born into a low-income family with a disability.

Why even carry on? Why even live when there's not many years left on this planet and you're already suffering.

Fuck this shit.

EDIT: just to clarify, I'm not telling anyone to kill themselves. It's just how I see things and I don't want to live through this anymore.",3.6436600625651714,6.368908532846718,4.160735140771639,82.66162408759126,76.81021897810218,6.833993743482795,23.65432742440041,7.957251820313856,1.5616093847758084,587,19,101,10,14,185,95,137,0.174,0.7240000000000001,0.101,-0.9018,1,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,4,1,0,0,10,11,5,0,8,0,7,6,3,1,0,14,16,7,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,2,7,5,17,13,1,15,0,1,1,1,9,8,3,1,7,63,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963034681527745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134471910567541,0.09480984139196977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153797328909831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147385769153264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072422028066262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010390853533444,0.0,0.1791159145888454,0.0,0.11424302660896507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782509800197875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535362700864328,0.0,0.13007324753416485,0.0,0.11372905092245646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882582286120695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001366456253887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732228928544755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394623657244313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374701113259908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664594312642273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800635201989369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619228473113707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157957581966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805013762445713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783687172119489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828481701814913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185143373768614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900820241409072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906542132950864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748634564475127,0.0,0.0,0.1631017924214858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997631771919728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670550213558109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731750452026887
suicidewatch,Hendrik_Lamar,2018/04/09,"I'm not really aching to kill myself but I'm struggling to find a compelling reason why not to kill myself I know the usual ""think of your family and friends that'll miss you"" but i keep thinking that they'll probably move on eventually, its just what people do. The argument that things get better doesnt hold much water considering how munch constant suffering there is in the world. Some volunteer probably told a whole classroom of impoverished African kids that one day they will grow up to be whatever they wished only to leave them and have half of them die of malaria a month later. Things didnt get better for them and neither did things get better for the girl that kept getting back to her abusive family by a social worker. You cant tell what the future holds and assuming its going to get better is just as naive as assuming its going to get worse.

I cant stop thinking about the afterlife and what would happen if i took my turn to die early. If there is a God like I believe (faith is very shaky at the moment) then i just get to meet him earlier than everyone else. If there isnt a God, then my suffering from depression isnt part of some grander plan and doesnt hold a higher value. People will forget who i am in 200 years whether i die now or live my natural life and end up on a deathbed 60 years from now.

I dont know what to do with myself. I keep assuming my friends dont want to be ny friends because i dont even want to be my friend. I know myself better than anyone and i cant find a way to reconcile the bad with the good to a point where I'm worth redemtion. They only see what I'm brave enough to show them and I know for a guarenteed fact that most of them will quickly turn away from me if they knew everything there is to know about me.

I'm just tired of feeling like I'm just on the verge of drowning, constantly gasping for air, too scared to let myself drown and too cowardly to make a swim for it. I'm going to see my counciler tomorrow morning (its midnight where i live) and i dont know if I'm  going to be able to really figure something out in the hour long session i get before he lets me go and talks to the next schmuck. I keep feeling like a passing memory and that my friends and family and acquaintences dont ever really think about me until I'm physically with them or actively talking to them. They're pleasent enough but I don't believe their love extends further than the immediate interactions i have for them. 
Maybe one or two of them actually care about how I'm doing but i dont see them showing it outside of a simple ""how ya doin"" to alleviate their conscience to pat themselves on the back to say that they've done their part. Hell I even went out of my way to call my best friend on the night i was last planning on killing myself and straight up told him that i dont think he's ever gobe out of his way to make sure i was okay, and despite his promises that he's sorry amd is going to make the effort to check up on me from now on i still havent heard a goddamn thing from him in the lines of a checkup. All the promises of tackling life together from my friends get dropped days after making them and none of the concern extends past the momentary release of feel good chemicals they get from extending a helping hand.

I'm just so very tired. Of all of it. My past digs its claws into my to make sure im always dragging it around and my future is so amorphous that all the promises it makes lost their meaning, and as for my present? Well that's a castle built on shaky ground that is ready to collapse any moment.

Idk, it feels good to get this out of just my head but I'm so self defeating that im not sure I'd accept any real help because i dont feel I deserve it. Fuck it. I'm going to get a drink and have a shower. I gotta get as much rest as i can before tomorrow.",5.4486234021632285,5.098765833122633,6.0787340918668376,82.78900435454419,67.65992414664981,9.306711616800113,30.47284731001545,8.841846274778883,2.183283837617643,3038,102,642,45,45,993,326,791,0.163,0.6729999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.7086,2,0,2,0,0,3,43.0,0,4,21,12,38,48,5,4,41,1,50,11,2,11,9,119,131,49,8,9,24,0,6,3,7,7,5,2,1,3,38,30,2,8,27,4,2,13,23,16,1,4,13,11,87,32,111,105,17,90,2,6,3,2,59,34,2,16,42,419,125,3,0.046491056948534615,0.05508430021012239,0.045368565166179216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038684283702102085,0.0,0.0,0.06323102594255428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03250762798933148,0.0,0.0,0.04138689736065395,0.0,0.0,0.04367987839515842,0.0714975061434816,0.038818090619280335,0.0566810336028743,0.0,0.07912093047011874,0.10475900147160036,0.04878949599720977,0.20558780907654936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047472567156235636,0.0,0.04740073102555255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048063262160174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599657712452502,0.0,0.040042679225759784,0.0,0.14475113136387904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047576492608558056,0.4358973799708623,0.045543536479330536,0.0,0.0,0.03883731247837168,0.0,0.041177277179618665,0.09607537934144736,0.0,0.061413809293812675,0.08410764534638232,0.0,0.04442419724480071,0.04178316422468553,0.0,0.13148289267890634,0.0,0.11753637646570687,0.06642644074677108,0.0,0.0,0.084983967588898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514321269066932,0.042980233002009136,0.3157655593039581,0.0,0.18495357335476026,0.11698347844552195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041111888120515735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047713237099450884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062323950966363624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045784326184041976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043663881968867,0.0,0.0,0.12397016265267374,0.15430639887121714,0.0,0.15330161431642506,0.03789641649176826,0.0,0.04922731652980685,0.0,0.09508051119070944,0.0656760168532948,0.06813954621317997,0.0,0.08210491008240814,0.04114312241120964,0.0,0.0,0.05075048057808218,0.0,0.04195999402810343,0.0,0.1861988491327229,0.0,0.04670651552757475,0.05064239033732521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03710871810576469,0.04941263598277382,0.06835255237349189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944376649430823,0.0436287075556309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300708677267576,0.07071708755324309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069056830967332,0.08876194886024302,0.06446209023625314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043949076053978894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025044525288587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052917000995106905,0.0893500846583442,0.04780054961769418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036971554499865264,0.04654565843594258,0.0,0.11114205951164327,0.0,0.048500311720089236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047391777802174365,0.0,0.03579108698651983,0.0,0.05204293197499075,0.0,0.0,0.03712781813404623,0.03886860534070143,0.0,0.048602547013285036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145181292480462,0.0,0.0,0.07473550105058904,0.04063523294930271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354636971459446,0.14894796033009286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068692617031639,0.0,0.08884839448960143,0.051653274897652784,0.0,0.10113783943386312,0.04541500722393105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051203331021758586,0.07671998183981267,0.0548432598599927,0.11070731107551128,0.0,0.0,0.04180104354821524,0.043097675565259896,0.04195094767472613,0.05190560479167882,0.053462421087191084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737835887266945,0.03302591296265068,0.0,0.0,0.059877432811359724
suicidewatch,plshelpIneedhelp,2018/04/09,"I’m about to mess everything up And a part of me doesn’t care because it would give me more of a reason to kill myself. I’m drowning, and it’s only a matter of time before I’m dead. ",-1.3057142857142845,0.5563970000000005,2.0145714285714327,95.58042857142858,90.90476190476193,4.312380952380953,15.542857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-0.7305199999999998,142,3,34,1,5,51,30,42,0.257,0.647,0.096,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619657506534972,0.0,0.28782934681866584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448726239377246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040009968373729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244841787917429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742280728428032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725750441036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36629625479845584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34778157668988025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723870048058986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24028602544607025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sherpawrpa,2018/04/09,"Yep I'm not going to live through 2018. I used to believe I was a survivor, and for awhile I probably was. Also for any mods who think they're smart, I'm behind over 9000 proxies, so good luck.

Eight years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. Four years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, and had to drop out of school to get a full time job to pay for insurance/healthcare. Cancer went into remission two years ago ironically only to lose my best friend shortly after. All the people who I thought cared or were my friends disappeared and dropped out of my life the second I reached out for help. The only resources that I have to reach out to now is a mental health system that honestly doesn't give a shit about it's patients. So as someone with way more experience than the vast majority of people who would recommend me to get help; fuck off. I have, and probably ended up more fucked up than when I first started getting help.

Mental health facilities are a fucking joke in the United States. The VA is useless when it comes to the treatment of PTSD, or any health treatment as far as I'm concerned. The vast majority of civi mental health units outside of the VA that I've been to (And yes, I've been to a lot -- over 10 at this point with some having multiple visits) are just glorified drug and alcohol rehab facilities that have a psychiatrist on staff that allows them to also accept mental health patients, as far as insurance companies are concerned, at least. While I'm sure this great for people with drug, alcohol, or dual diagnosis issues, this doesn't really help anyone else. Anyone who knows me will tell you I don't drink or do drugs (Probably the reason why I don't have anymore friends, to be honest). These places are not going to help people who legitimately only have mental health issues and need help. All they're going to do is take advantage of you, and your insurance, especially if you're there against your will. All you do at these facilities is sit around for 3-7 days being bored, watching TV (If you're lucky enough to have one in a group room), and going to one group a day that is patient lead since all the intern social worker does, who hasn't even graduated yet, just sits and listens, and doesn't really add much value to the groups. I've been to the one (And only) mental health unit in my state that is specifically for trauma patients, and while this unit was far more valuable than the others, didn't really help much because I found out that talking about my problems doesn't really do much for me. It also sent me off to yet another outpatient facility that was literally a drug and alcohol rehab facility because they had no where else to send me, and didn't want to release me without some sort of care. Thanks.

I have one of the most recognized psychiatrists in my region, but drugs only do so much. The only medication that has helped with the nightmares unfortunately also had the side effect of causing me to have more suicidal thoughts. Nothing has really helped with the flashbacks and panic attacks. The regimen of medicine that I've been taking consists of over 15 pills daily, and this is on the lower side of what I have taken in the past.

Last year I managed to break my neck, and pretty much destroy the right side of my body. That's not even the worst part. I somehow made a pretty good recovery. The worst part was when I realized the sad truth of where I was at in my life. When I was in the hospital, I had people I hadn't seen in *years* coming out of the woodwork to see me in the hospital all of the sudden. Where were these people when I actually needed them though? Where were they when my closest friend passed away? Where were they a few months after I got out of the hospital, and reached out for help to everyone I could think of? The worst part was realizing that people seem to only care when they can see you physically in pain. Apparently they could give two shits about me when it concerned any mental health issues.

I can't even remember the last time I had more than 3-4 hours of sleep. I'm having more panic attacks each week than I've ever had in my life even though I'm on more anti-anxiety meds than I've ever been on. The only people who seemingly care about me anymore are medical specialists my insurance is paying for me to see. I'm in more medical debt than I'll ever be able to pay off in 10 lifetimes thanks to said insurance refusing to pay for any of the surgeries required after my accident last year. I probably won't have insurance by the end of the year because I can't afford it anymore, so bye-bye psychiatrist and psychologist. And at this point with all this stress, I probably wouldn't be surprised if I died from some cardiac related issue before I could kill myself.

All the friends I ever had are either dead or not returning calls/texts, my family is pretty much fucking worthless. I'm mostly writing this in the hope that anyone recommending mental health units as a form of help to stop doing that, and do some research before continuing to spout of useless information to people who are already in a vulnerable position. And if you've gone to a mental health unit, and had nothing good come out of it, you're not the only one. So don't think it's you that's the problem as much as it's just the mental health system failing to actually help it's patients. There is far too much research being done in the pharma field, when there is an increasing need for far more research to be done on the neuro and psych side of mental health. Pharma is just a bandaid.

tl;dr: fuck this big dumb earth and it's big dumb pharma. goodbye forever~",7.681895604395603,6.852825541208794,7.791556776556777,73.93260989010992,63.27655677655678,10.840293040293037,33.6025641025641,10.083985243481736,3.1728542124542134,4489,154,839,83,56,1460,396,1092,0.124,0.7559999999999999,0.12,-0.9673,5,0,9,0,0,1,105.0,0,7,7,9,50,59,13,3,61,2,97,46,5,7,13,132,158,66,4,16,21,0,0,0,5,5,35,2,1,0,48,50,4,3,16,3,5,16,22,30,0,11,43,7,73,29,158,101,48,148,0,6,5,5,55,72,9,23,50,582,121,17,0.03278352090449757,0.0,0.06398397464609061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718183971212387,0.10510684122466613,0.0,0.0,0.036177430532002834,0.10486787929186736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917567363956844,0.0343763801162108,0.025079303759497948,0.0,0.09753733062722957,0.06876900021375855,0.03359059134391968,0.0,0.02918428411505625,0.0,0.07459197562321926,0.030801197057291764,0.0,0.0,0.059953590173225636,0.0,0.0557927233386376,0.03693580163686462,0.03440428260676149,0.0,0.0,0.03641510120914384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369993787707588,0.03367770660537007,0.0,0.08472030122370247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852492146859953,0.0,0.0,0.042285317740769136,0.0,0.0,0.06654916726074266,0.03402411884842423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028689080067774618,0.06709784816129027,0.0,0.03211536966964873,0.19009238085089072,0.0,0.05477285005237267,0.0,0.05807293771370664,0.033874140681879585,0.0,0.08661282547468503,0.11861828620044328,0.0,0.0313260591311713,0.0,0.032068574109053886,0.03090538585011744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027885646133896217,0.0,0.03594543854073657,0.12664233463887534,0.15153918404795008,0.05138410974802112,0.06289788103677373,0.07452652170624674,0.08249178579323507,0.026219976498956174,0.03614394753320434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181681963391631,0.0,0.0,0.26368923618387186,0.0,0.0,0.03256143341350743,0.032285164353532424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686991359266462,0.03253258591745309,0.0,0.03627010859810632,0.0,0.01801696572597193,0.08016883528624041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946791101622793,0.0,0.0,0.028948449580617267,0.0,0.0,0.0366763741922508,0.0,0.027871377123202062,0.0,0.0310205601522094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03641510120914384,0.0990778449298704,0.363418861358582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02616749361293645,0.0,0.1927972798805356,0.07292569605659972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291334496862733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110748110453862,0.22440010436910526,0.034883977652470415,0.07692879635450105,0.0,0.10650407522634188,0.03129558023605485,0.20455169008444987,0.0,0.03425180172846157,0.0,0.06198204765032276,0.0,0.0,0.10005787994515948,0.17673090177705486,0.06273880398879253,0.07664436314871953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500981480725342,0.03370691957751983,0.0,0.0,0.03713733841933467,0.027996947726325955,0.03118463573092464,0.0,0.0,0.03317867338400088,0.0783726649923737,0.059689772337037664,0.0,0.0,0.06730362619322483,0.027118867267757737,0.0,0.03280719677122285,0.03341867103599714,0.02777737087583436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02320434483205945,0.0,0.0,0.02740849142505277,0.03755341243214689,0.0,0.0,0.035859850888764186,0.0,0.030898080475455614,0.0,0.049298255521330665,0.026350152285334445,0.028654242262706468,0.06036532288783776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301906936513887,0.06441928567528335,0.052052907286701415,0.03823266935500794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404947258359031,0.0,0.0,0.0283144361587396,0.0,0.0,0.019336570021210656,0.026022032946697974,0.02629696299809087,0.0,0.0,0.03039065232251052,0.029582028465825562,0.0,0.0,0.03160214426926402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023288472645389115,0.0,0.0,0.14778058828779905
suicidewatch,VegasMomofTres,2018/04/09,"Life insurance is keeping me alive, today. Suicidal thoughts are common in my head.  I’m sure that’s not “normal” per se, but it is normal for me.    My thoughts get bad at work?  I work graveyard audit.  The lack of sleep wears on me.
I know I have “a lot to live for.”  But tonight,  it is realizing that I just got new life ins & it won’t pay if I let myself die.  ",0.02042207792207762,1.8955756363636385,2.262451298701301,95.98510551948051,84.84415584415585,5.40844155844156,20.01461038961039,6.6274283507984215,0.03287142857142912,272,8,66,3,8,92,58,77,0.241,0.7170000000000001,0.041,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,5,3,0,1,15,14,3,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,11,1,8,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,40,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214064770820016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061858005762354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207665550636207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067612281166332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343244473505505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971574423131584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163020371749175,0.0,0.0,0.11230203640420933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895543227021024,0.28866821012015703,0.0,0.0,0.18043936410233266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372583463447944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973565645515312,0.0,0.0,0.4004271751592418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449142559065256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351900654138965,0.0,0.19259166116816367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32445238437843155,0.0,0.0,0.19369407735894467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975295143652449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WarmPastry,2018/04/09,"Tired I woke up wanting to die just tired. 
It's not a bad feeling, feels like a warm blanket. I prefer it to waking up feeling lonely.
I've been waking up feeling like this since I was 19 trying for my first degree (i stopped going to school). 
I'm 23 now I've had a ton of friends work experience and I still want to die. 
My family will be okay I just don't want them to have find my body. 
I don't feel like I'm in pain or everything is terrible I just feel tired you know? ",-0.8091346153846146,1.2498755865384652,1.7126923076923075,97.0323076923077,91.21153846153842,4.7384615384615385,17.615384615384613,6.297961479604792,-0.3129769230769233,367,10,88,4,13,125,66,104,0.268,0.563,0.16899999999999998,-0.9111,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,1,2,5,10,0,0,3,1,9,7,3,0,0,19,23,2,2,4,5,0,7,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,7,13,6,11,17,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,49,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207583276083916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064908895041444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002020323352817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998230859540788,0.14147392272700154,0.13634239410642374,0.0,0.4387695333401916,0.30996678735045075,0.0,0.0,0.13218735949964328,0.12302049142950605,0.0,0.0,0.1117392236008956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219541767843214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948375902910981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197378627920974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389437466203731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637124365274895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963776497313558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550009683858735,0.12091547272246338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49868578451954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819290919981633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559160008502217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529089667945142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CampbellCKJ,2018/04/09,"*not urgent* I don't know anymore First off I put not urgent so people who are in a much worse place might be tended to first. 

I've  been having mood swings the past few days and now I'm just plain depressed. I don't want to die, I just don't want to be here right now. I lost most of my friends recently, it was great I became happy for once not needing to deal with people who didn't care about me but at the same time I'm back to square one; alone. (that's not to say I want them back, I don't. Its just... yeah)

The thing that's been keeping me going over the years is video games. I love playing them, analysing them, and noting the mechanics, level design and script work. But now I have no one to play with, no one to talk to about it. Just sort of seems pointless to log in. It sounds pathetic but games are in a way my life. I'm going to Uni studying games design. 

I'm just stuck, I don't know if I can make friends, and I'm not sure anyone would be willing to get to know me. I don't know anymore.",0.031790985241325835,1.953770467889914,1.5303749501396098,100.97236338252891,85.1467889908257,4.341763063422417,16.358994814519345,5.192301501255418,-0.9965191862784204,774,15,191,3,23,248,116,218,0.138,0.75,0.112,0.0496,0,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,4,14,12,0,0,7,1,22,2,0,1,1,37,46,9,1,6,14,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,6,0,3,14,2,0,5,6,3,21,9,26,34,4,25,0,2,1,1,14,9,0,5,12,121,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079094538041342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696282702271293,0.0950511278791774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905612066548385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385980222166601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766887256240856,0.14014628232128568,0.11708334502171855,0.0,0.14108235665425042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312578727415755,0.0,0.0,0.2100509829823407,0.0,0.07102208220906607,0.0,0.1545135872938028,0.0,0.0,0.14987231027169454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447087077386742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082808981909192,0.0,0.0,0.2988322484650268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601714832233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839256869003564,0.0,0.12268950412142325,0.0,0.09073978280666133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420891425966093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993019482462948,0.1007964292051329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476971252091125,0.2763456625052509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976836320830348,0.1884848191450949,0.0,0.14202645273587405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665540534870896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422254132958752,0.0,0.0,0.1160904528329572,0.0,0.10810348745875807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123753002788711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812011470421508,0.0,0.0,0.10926195029986904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031127856055812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926663902476158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405395608058787,0.10790139046392162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896460541736564,0.0,0.1385326068512166,0.09656657438585536,0.0,0.0,0.08753972337042314
suicidewatch,lukalap,2018/04/09,"Im tired of living I want to kill myself... And not because my life is so shitty and ive gone through a lot of shit...
Im just tired... 
Im tired of people and dont tell me i just dont know the right people... Trust me i know a lot of people everyone a different type of personality... I came to a conclusion that I just dont like people... I just want them all dead... I enjoy being alone...
The other thing is... Im tired... I find myself extremely introvert... I go out with friends... And just the thought that i have to be social makes me tired... When i actually go out... I come home and just fall on my bed and sleep...
And the last thing is... Every single day of mine is basically the same... And its not that i lack in having fun... I go out pretty often and i got my schedule pretty filled in... But every day overall is the same...

CONCLUSIONS (!FOR THOSE WHO DONT LIKE TO READ!) 
-I dont like people
-im always tired of everything
-ive got nothing to live for

Also im afraid to do it... People seem to like me... Its just dont like them... So im afraid of what will happen after i die... But what do I care if im dead...

Idk its just a constant thought that it seems i cant get out of my mind... ",-1.3027893845285163,0.720433300395257,1.5477199322416733,96.8410830039526,95.44268774703556,4.472456239412762,14.73845285149633,6.18269132825596,-0.6805330547713161,887,19,213,10,35,307,118,253,0.125,0.792,0.083,-0.8868,1,1,0,0,0,1,85.0,0,0,2,2,13,14,2,2,11,0,21,9,2,1,1,49,41,16,4,4,13,0,0,5,1,1,7,0,2,1,16,16,0,0,9,1,0,8,9,4,0,0,6,0,34,10,28,32,7,23,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,6,12,142,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.06150239193437317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527391984550862,0.0,0.050400318589219034,0.052441067272737216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038418882447797405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072082735664334,0.06425723023928835,0.0,0.0,0.05428964778007543,0.0,0.06810661993245437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129061063014738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540902481322595,0.06584672946668822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431823787230888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062009787270522,0.06022219085642135,0.0566419619618159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760284972255215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869223297568337,0.0,0.0329274705049366,0.0,0.10745407829466272,0.0,0.10081219743340124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055731968756088365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321827157173109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.544614404500885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972678539717156,0.0,0.06927275110219168,0.05137302119755928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451575793068005,0.15395186300188124,0.0,0.11130280054325103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071616053277884,0.0,0.0,0.04206904992162132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363633518881771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047328603083828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621576894109777,0.05503017887088811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282362546256864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304111592764611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382220349875881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474947572580335,0.0,0.0,0.06469329265078984,0.0,0.0,0.06306957594467387,0.06424509309870953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055085806968733816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837407709988624,0.0,0.0,0.10006812871434836,0.0,0.4346213195147393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434644782159437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nochypoisonivy,2018/04/09,"I need someone to talk to I'm feeling very isolated from my friends and family lately, so I got no one to talk to about what's going on in my head.",0.4836363636363643,1.9998331212121239,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,81.42424242424242,6.824242424242425,23.12121212121212,7.793537801064563,1.0335939393939395,115,4,27,2,3,41,26,33,0.146,0.721,0.133,-0.1208,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,8,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977913745275013,0.0,0.1597226151246059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440545158593395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952659971055288,0.0,0.2526447292899037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241925280812181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563357598820504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342271707633669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405408634600392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676511302590147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077980974651967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26064092879667833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sofrustratedandsad,2018/04/09,"I just can't fucking take it anymore. My friend died, and nobody told me for months. my partner is so fucking selfish and doesn't even care about me, all he cares about is himself and making sure everyone pities him and doesn't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do because hes a delicate wittle twauma baby, which includes actually giving a shit about me and physically being there for me. He made me cope with my mother's death all alone and screamed at me for cheating after I got raped. All using the fact his mother never loved him as an excuse. All he fucking cares about is being able to tell people he knew in high school that he has a girlfriend so they don't think he's a complete loser. He never spends time with me. Right now he's in another country and keeps lying to me about coming to see me. He's pretending he's 30 minutes away from me because he thinks I'm stupid. Nobody else will ever care about me because I have a personality disorder that makes me fundamentally unloveable. I'm also fucking ugly, which even my partner admitted to recently.  
I work a deadend nightshift job that's really hard on my body and live with someone who doesn't respect me and eats half of my food every week. I'm broke and my only family members who are still alive don't give a single shit about me. Everyone I love keeps fucking dying.  
I have fucking no one. No therapy, no friends, no caring family, no loving partner. Absolutely nothing. I can't go to a hospital because I would lose my job and my life would suck even more.  
I can't fucking take it anymore. I've known for years I was better off dead. People spent so long screaming at me that it gets better WHEN IT DOESN'T. all it ever did was get worse and worse and worse and worse and all I want to do now is die. I have no drive to do anything but kill myself. I can't even afford help. So fucking fuck it.",4.141614107476176,5.287688647214853,5.223725316828767,82.48062972787112,71.0159151193634,7.494999508792612,28.021318400628747,7.793537801064563,1.7088116514392384,1488,53,288,18,27,491,189,377,0.226,0.701,0.073,-0.9942,3,1,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,1,5,24,38,16,0,10,0,33,19,3,4,12,48,78,23,6,4,2,2,1,0,6,3,1,2,0,4,14,19,2,2,5,1,2,3,19,24,0,2,8,4,45,14,34,65,8,27,0,4,1,13,40,9,12,0,15,186,59,4,0.06570170675346046,0.0,0.064115388206237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804715359856738,0.0,0.05254163115336948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889396816834631,0.0,0.0,0.13031687704835854,0.0,0.0,0.10813381301975336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061728916262807576,0.0,0.0,0.16020460246285995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162156408617388,0.0,0.07297978481355004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33493634412184203,0.0,0.0,0.05659620274140944,0.06888698950372213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204563995945052,0.0,0.07529984806839482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722924845786257,0.05488534533364518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358143065242604,0.11886191050440816,0.05535652163116691,0.12556159277543724,0.0,0.0,0.12387544365000727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944676460190807,0.0,0.1015219513151864,0.546661522713386,0.06865286008147987,0.12605412784461512,0.03733979404441788,0.0,0.05254765685587807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885582412071199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403846910430522,0.0694174604590441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303976120262924,0.11679739154709977,0.07268920400499207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640705851027668,0.0,0.0,0.05801581077437356,0.05814394296467434,0.0,0.07350340401139953,0.0,0.0,0.1778950665326807,0.062168543530934026,0.0877127988800979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244247549976661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134641326002268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304255961477544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452117686968034,0.04996910861830185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910985816929444,0.057368196104153876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04209019573461882,0.0,0.06487250910608013,0.0,0.0,0.05610889857942854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649363488121893,0.052355753853858863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488371564706245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566884292210992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246946788366801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192308106737561,0.0,0.09879901360061896,0.0,0.057426187622473326,0.0,0.07513562763310297,0.0,0.0,0.08419800153794765,0.0,0.0,0.038311193567072466,0.0,0.0,0.06278079638771862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056745179592222236,0.0,0.0,0.07750513783143073,0.0,0.05270194609176758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047831625020070004,0.0,0.26782260894246723,0.09334521480720076,0.0,0.0,0.04230974503415746
suicidewatch,QuestionKnife,2018/04/09,"What's the best knife? I'm not sure jf im trying to kill myself. Idk, i just need to hurt myself. But the only knives in this shit hole are dull. What are the best knives?",-1.3928947368421056,0.5761455000000026,0.4161052631578954,105.61573684210528,94.0,3.04,7.6,3.1291,-2.5300694736842098,131,0,34,0,5,42,28,38,0.353,0.489,0.158,-0.8545,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,4,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,4,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6196467584158758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160474835081997,0.0,0.31889670306476103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266258372117809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189076850460306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453405785071426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030471110017376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782487230837678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044030807597898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Josephinejager,2018/04/09,"Suicide seems like the only answer 36F ... Tried last fall with pills, spent a few weeks in psychiatric care. My life fell apart about two years ago and I am in the darkest place I have ever been. Only the thought of what it would do to my family keeps me from trying again. But every minute of every day I fell myself I am going to do it. It feels like my soul is in the pitch darkness.  
",2.9797890295358616,4.206180417721519,3.73487341772152,91.73665611814349,73.9367088607595,6.279324894514768,19.495780590717303,6.42735559955562,-0.05328016877637198,299,5,65,2,6,95,59,79,0.112,0.794,0.094,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,1,10,15,2,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,9,3,10,11,1,16,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,9,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924934126056358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140239348098573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004599711209725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642770888597136,0.3659222595283312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047129267916468,0.0,0.10979929848154217,0.15513445313564714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341329805811978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930159453780922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700902779551567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533818889605144,0.2121803932260546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303099362719149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268791146541828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976883261367795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753060600351825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239556642898846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948658480617621,0.0,0.2121273465996589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741873823280664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425956559370038,0.0,0.0,0.1398396886831284
suicidewatch,writhingmaggots,2018/04/09,"I'm not worth the resources it takes to sustain me? So I want to kill myself to sacrifice myself for the planet. I get so heartbroken thinking about all the disgusting toxic waste my very existence necessitates. I mean sure, I can reduce reuse recycle, limit my use of plastic, and whatever-the-fuck, but I can't shake the feeling that my meager existence could never, ever even begin to justify the destruction my body's rampant consumption does to the planet. I'm what, here to marry so I can help make more destructive abominations, just to make my mom happy? It's not a good enough reason for me to keep fucking shit up at the rate that I am. I can't bear the thought of the elephants. Why is it shameful to want to go back to the void? Why do I have to suffer and languish here for godknows how many more years for the sake of other people? Why can't it be noble to opt to leave? I think I should be free to make this choice with honesty to everyone in my life, but I know that will never, ever happen. I'll never be able to talk about it with anyone in real life without them completely freaking out, so here I am here. What do you guys think? Life is amazing, and weird, and beautiful, and profound, and I love you all truly and deeply. But I just want out now. Can't that be okay?",4.5966073871409066,5.267667899224809,5.604792521659828,81.90995212038304,69.62015503875969,8.551208390332878,27.9671682626539,8.671277953709913,1.9865756497948013,1010,33,200,16,17,334,142,258,0.17,0.6659999999999999,0.165,0.5394,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,2,1,1,18,18,6,2,12,1,20,7,2,6,8,48,44,15,1,5,8,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,13,11,0,2,8,0,2,2,10,11,0,0,1,1,28,8,35,36,5,17,1,1,0,2,8,6,2,0,9,144,41,0,0.12397881447996717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668886973541155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533205557958838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377125138641927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129989428186591,0.0,0.0,0.0989869951143034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849469602990663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810325698393502,0.0,0.08188683769197119,0.22429187123642466,0.0,0.11846707023098164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268741374764017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292328324374571,0.06477381352892056,0.0,0.07046001736186623,0.10398754745078452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227585182566133,0.10963405619831244,0.13197775339061274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310038598467394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019806679222456,0.13716418923252324,0.0,0.06813551411208421,0.0,0.0,0.13127566340665686,0.0,0.0,0.26270970946901057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189572052426176,0.0,0.24827046412995,0.12569505863829766,0.0,0.13504927460358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520248910603134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868603143352739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595129957185492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111503329492248,0.0,0.1274708699277995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726247144024938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684856541836765,0.0,0.09321663913509938,0.09964947484497257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23832185482093435,0.0,0.09842533012913106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707788946329012,0.0,0.10229550605779887,0.2193777508818172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33561478919146953,0.0,0.0,0.11951115296437645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983829171999772
suicidewatch,sadahgreen,2018/04/09,"I need help I’ve been overdosing on pain medicine for four days, I can’t stop drinking alcohol, i can’t stop smoking cigarettes, I can’t eat anything at all and because of all of this my stomach hurts so fucking bad and it doesn’t stop, it’s been like this for days now. I can’t sleep and I can’t stop crying and I get terrible headaches every night. I’ve tried to hang myself with a belt in my closet but each time I give up right as I’m about to pass out. I hurt myself every night and I don’t know how to stop",1.6870698131760091,2.8644551504424816,3.195162241887907,94.51765978367752,77.14159292035399,6.438151425762046,23.17502458210423,6.937597516519254,0.4795986234021629,404,12,97,4,9,133,69,113,0.232,0.7340000000000001,0.034,-0.9519,0,0,3,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,0,9,7,2,1,2,19,15,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,8,3,5,1,1,0,2,7,6,0,1,2,0,14,1,15,13,3,19,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,0,12,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621525009120486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486030346600625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668764576275265,0.09249278612097726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666753507116547,0.19570572030235936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863697117061858,0.0,0.15525697522026394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25567699488882056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027131284645486,0.07927230811713767,0.1455525909638111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170096592334946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248587537361524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338646706359412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412728236906516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250536937984293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28477537971170663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145069585006153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957601157541782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518388986592163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6342625340579297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847458757522475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030142495634894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Klutch237,2018/04/09,"Matter of time I have to talk myself out of suicide every night. I cry myself to sleep all the time. I've been clinically depressed for years and it's only getting worse. I'm posting here as basically a last resort. I know I'm going to do it one day soon but this small part of me wants things to get better even though I know they won't. I've done countless hours of research on suicide and I know how I'm going to do it as well. If anyone is going to waste their time and comment with things like ""stay strong"" and ""things will get better"" please don't waste your time. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm posting here. I guess this is as close as I've ever gotten to talking to someone about it.",2.2854081632653056,3.7433513673469383,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,76.14285714285714,5.716326530612244,21.773809523809533,5.985473137389443,0.1561931972789119,549,14,119,3,12,180,85,147,0.14,0.6990000000000001,0.161,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,2,3,10,7,0,0,2,0,11,2,1,1,2,19,28,12,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,3,0,13,6,21,23,2,21,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,12,74,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379262541664267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372688696114439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734463518932736,0.08650811314303923,0.0,0.11553313008666866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372700632398224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719417769866502,0.12133578120861373,0.11301731174613858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024519229521585,0.0,0.22870167884674006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776847165678145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320992155177405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29487562923315325,0.1093406260774241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553320281350812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587971741649331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908955905703566,0.10201822946931127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525871834692844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472435837054167,0.0,0.0,0.2569348439830238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423518336032608,0.0,0.11365495500231435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297359108504204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934510798282867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563058546330915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673465989281791,0.0,0.131790208789615,0.0,0.3128685097366162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911825080507316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060645030234785,0.0,0.1210389611453678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669839792856994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638067392104336
suicidewatch,lordmrlord,2018/04/09,I can’t live without her Idk wat to do without her she dose the love me anymore idk why and I can’t live help wat to do,-3.4255172413793105,-2.045985275862069,-0.3073103448275845,107.59627586206898,108.65517241379312,2.32,16.144827586206898,3.1291,-1.4952400000000003,93,3,26,0,5,32,19,29,0.046,0.6859999999999999,0.268,0.778,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152342722709047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305659058832135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613569724473848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28688339330601503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868215427597021,0.0,0.0,0.6128163783153892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TickleMeSmallz,2018/04/09,"I like you just the way you are It doesn't matter what you are going through, if you have done something bad, what you look like, or who you are as a person.

At the end of the day, it is you i like. I just wanted to say that you always have a warm welcome into my heart. I appreciate you for coming here.",0.6263636363636387,2.1780104242424265,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,81.12121212121212,5.006060606060606,17.060606060606062,5.46131890053228,-0.7311030303030304,232,4,56,1,6,78,44,66,0.065,0.722,0.214,0.86,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,9,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,8,1,1,0,0,8,12,3,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,14,5,7,11,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,2,5,45,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409537474604851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178719389000974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494475181613937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867551356536568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29634086734906256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648191712824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645749803320757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34315367959087795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244224640879275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431742570086931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285007556005057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028562903694186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229328220601777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080177945102246,0.2298551153257155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rumin89,2018/04/09,"I CANNOT stop ruminating about past humiliations and failures and it's killing me I've always struggled with rumination, I have an inability to just let things go or forget them, but lately it's been ridiculous, they come every 10-20 seconds and I cannot get a moment's reprieve. Every time I start to almost enjoy something my brain creeps in with 'remember that time you humiliated yourself in front of everybody' and the depressive thinking comes right back. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it feels like my brain is on a mission to make me miserable. I cannot live with this constant 24/7 feeling of embarrassment, humiliation and shame.  ",7.874249394673122,8.504713906779664,8.284285714285716,65.69279661016952,62.474576271186436,10.810653753026635,37.19612590799032,10.608840637214634,4.193768523002421,523,24,85,12,7,173,87,118,0.28800000000000003,0.636,0.076,-0.9812,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,3,9,2,4,4,0,8,2,2,1,0,23,18,8,1,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,7,0,1,1,2,12,2,13,15,0,17,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,2,10,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810033629051621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040541570790356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899200275232698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035721664456252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114146018627247,0.0,0.1953355455205692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568688983328305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045933880589149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279369161140424,0.12913379127621832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443876997673896,0.0,0.10272912786311916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999823170854771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390327616154988,0.0,0.0,0.18483764519829465,0.0,0.08830939245907365,0.0,0.15961292223608628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206575928172893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255428483794155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476395783038304,0.1543666312023109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915659802052208,0.0,0.0,0.12794168050017762,0.0,0.0,0.15112206262557648,0.0,0.1889678595134188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008780645404706,0.11582264293586805,0.0,0.0,0.21080327855364056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272304477973905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dj000nt,2018/04/09,"Hoping on Death It's been a long time since I've felt true happiness - almost to the point where I can't remember.  Along the way, especially the past two years or so, I've discovered a part of my mind I never knew existed.  The best way I cope is with words and music, so I might be able to turn this into a published novel by the end.

The first and only girl I loved that ever ""loved"" me back destroyed me.  Best I can say is that I battled her mental illnesses with her, and in return I got used, cheated, played, and abused.  It's almost like she's the person I used to be and I am the person she used to be - depressed, anxious, bipolar, suicidal.  Not to mention that in the midst of all of the pain, one of my best friends was killed.  I think the pain of her leaving was honestly worse and I can't explain it, but they were mostly all I had, and gone in an instant.  I've been waiting for them to call for years, and have finally deleted their phone numbers and given up.  

They're not the only ones I'm waiting on.  Some of my other close ""friends"" don't talk to me anymore because my coping mechanism in writing, must have scared them away from me on social media.  Another friend of mine (who I even thought could've eventually been my girlfriend) will say she misses me, yet never makes an attempt to talk to me, let alone meet up in person.  She's starting college soon and I've come to realize that we'll probably never speak again.  My other friend hasn't reached out to me since I told him I had to be with my family (dad was diagnosed with cancer). Nobody gives a shit.

I have persistent anxiety around people to the point where I don't go out.  My heart races behind the wheel and in most public situations.  I'm very paranoid and afraid.  Bipolar.  Depressed.  All the things the girl I used to love was.  I'm literally haunted by her when I sleep some nights.  I wake up in a sweat or sleep into the afternoon.  I just want to feel wanted by someone who wants me back, and I've made that impossible.  It's to the point now where I'm thinking about deleting all my social media because it doesn't matter regardless.  I don't want to see everyone's perfect life and I don't want to relapse and lose my mind on a stupid website for everyone to see again.  I hate everyone who is happy and I hate myself because of it.  The only thing I have left is my passion for music and desire to become an artist someday, but even that is slowly becoming a spite filled goal... just to show the people I probably wrongfully hate that I am something.",4.20950322761718,5.094970921414539,5.196841987089535,83.70622003929275,70.63064833005893,8.096121246140893,28.09884928431097,8.329178653251315,1.8474890934605663,1985,69,400,29,35,652,244,509,0.158,0.7290000000000001,0.114,-0.9748,0,1,1,0,1,0,60.0,1,0,4,9,20,38,10,2,30,0,39,18,6,6,11,85,82,24,3,9,8,1,2,1,5,4,8,3,0,5,21,29,0,2,9,4,0,4,13,19,0,4,18,7,64,19,64,55,12,58,0,4,2,4,47,28,1,10,25,277,85,3,0.06939899178358923,0.08222645705643697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898613121534226,0.07187642584695694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277089389465674,0.05309003876105206,0.078401107077805,0.06882515178394287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177981612807376,0.0,0.0,0.06520263725579427,0.10672708187493676,0.0,0.12691494375936765,0.15329146804620414,0.0,0.0,0.218489880898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086412988348567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059781086414875416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554094478918391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954649986373315,0.07043851582304238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614669080081864,0.0,0.0,0.09167475911116194,0.06277536123551826,0.0,0.1989411320330273,0.0,0.0,0.06542319310146792,0.0,0.03509021545217224,0.0,0.06663391532746324,0.07602320330300283,0.0,0.059030746958629615,0.0,0.0,0.2144699556014345,0.0,0.0,0.06657383662346944,0.039441046331007014,0.0,0.05550471344788735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477530344452786,0.0,0.2055514100059429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223813940667084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892885777914957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677970209247864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348351187545744,0.07540220763157914,0.07096517102426826,0.04901856026876515,0.03390484190698405,0.0,0.0,0.06141592386956352,0.0,0.07763972023122956,0.0,0.0,0.18790589880669006,0.06566700402305396,0.04632436590754868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993786090078936,0.07362136325065605,0.14014639654541533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057434232691628,0.0,0.0,0.06512625257226554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405310578516853,0.15834318146927714,0.1476908405009408,0.0,0.0,0.07515234521924763,0.06624919031703723,0.09622504550952624,0.1817895683445918,0.0,0.0,0.19681343691601455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964770179580705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861552916588042,0.0,0.0,0.1103777274757589,0.06948049752737545,0.0,0.11060402266752987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123706777554488,0.11481512630555625,0.07800737446852628,0.1388982218109671,0.14148706500450733,0.0588015405299946,0.05342673440298088,0.0,0.0,0.04912096357907488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591123309908622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115605616171248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221121285978494,0.08893614345290812,0.0,0.05509504753356335,0.04046711020091915,0.0,0.0,0.06631371067767577,0.0,0.0,0.07548617463838783,0.06779273090466012,0.0,0.0,0.2397537870397263,0.0,0.057261436271842985,0.2046666170991865,0.1101713788412781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072350154921497,0.0,0.07587690307910926,0.0,0.08938135074661811
suicidewatch,Assholitus,2018/04/09,"Is there anyone here who has felt suicidal for decades and managed to find meaning? I always believed I would grow up to be some sort of rockstar. Not even in the traditional sense, but throughout my entire life my friends , family, teachers, mentors, and bosses all believed I would amount to something greater than myself.

Pretty sure it's not happening before my 30th birthday looming around the corner. Or ever... I'm dead on the inside and have been for a while. 

While I know that part of my behaviour as of late is to seek attention, I have a feeling it will never be enough. I will never be what I wanted to be. I'd rather drown than accept the mediocrity presented to me. 

Seems pretty and childish to say this nonsense out loud. But here it is. For all the non-gloriousness it is, the only thing keeping me going is one day I'll be accepted and loved the way I want to be. ",5.497449197860964,6.253764605882356,5.916096256684494,80.17334224598932,67.64705882352939,8.299465240641712,31.33689839572193,8.296473431620573,2.331235294117647,693,27,128,9,11,223,110,170,0.122,0.706,0.172,0.8629,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,9,0,19,2,0,1,6,36,31,11,3,5,6,0,2,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,9,7,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,4,15,5,22,19,7,17,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,4,8,101,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618490412172954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444048531552355,0.0,0.0,0.14569923776694482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392694306177581,0.3687956246304434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555233322280964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911281626448765,0.0,0.108101183866222,0.14804709459799426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542916435264684,0.0,0.08275546877414723,0.0,0.15714696613068796,0.0,0.14958960552434047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644950654377174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301630770874307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447310898935288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454756565984288,0.0,0.0,0.08994766370825613,0.0,0.1846246558574421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560356302754846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771677841239433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782824551100341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246173424946844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090568636611564,0.1244769046568005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772365167313437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330184328686959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015537895359433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899721880623715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599963817882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902624989296131,0.0,0.15425517226969082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873376022505704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307127781586286,0.12991205645247375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23253013161553096,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moriartythetanker,2018/04/09,"Contemplating I've been thinking about death and dying for some time now, sometimes even taking my life, but until recently I haven't actually seriously thought about it. I always thought that I don't have that in me. However, last few days were the worst ever. Last night I fell asleep trying to finally make my mind and decide to go through with it. 
I feel like I'm a burden to everyone and whatever I do I mess things up. I've started seeing a therapist last week, but since my sisters give me money for the guy, it feels even worse. They were always my biggest support and I just dont want to hold them back anymore. The more I think about it, I'm more certain about doing it. I couldn't ask for a better life then I have right now, and reading some post here and listening to some peoples life stories makes me feel so ashamed, but fuck im so misserable all the time.",3.4889408866995097,5.1690530172413816,4.380131362889983,85.7958620689655,73.42528735632183,7.50016420361248,27.37110016420361,8.192908349453996,1.7521376026272577,691,26,139,11,14,223,105,174,0.187,0.75,0.063,-0.977,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,1,14,10,1,1,7,0,11,5,1,2,3,31,32,13,2,2,4,1,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,8,7,0,1,8,1,1,2,4,6,0,0,5,5,20,4,17,26,8,24,0,0,1,1,7,4,1,3,18,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.13218536473161255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254202279403573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433579991679967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663292964259545,0.0,0.0,0.10415718341939298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979968697540115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735781387874769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058178112651787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158753241219859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893461588051351,0.12252756656625123,0.0,0.1294338644875336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205471635289012,0.09676968255192296,0.0,0.1483852568898949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522674576130374,0.0,0.12994158915070622,0.07698267815033724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412258263614565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631555666537582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312437775563459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870294071481021,0.06617688360390865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083565639969792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367717890727391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271161342635781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939080272654658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972925581281214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549250102135396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374630517183522,0.0,0.0,0.11567855129495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794077073524816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205047453599444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396929405080754,0.0,0.09587634409864833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371368739341354,0.0,0.0,0.10184593756114026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572746760084651,0.08999084433336102,0.17358927169193694,0.0,0.21507362032733116,0.15797078475691895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196562702738416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989536677113153,0.0,0.10865450808466603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380410781127744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Walelu_,2018/04/09,"Does anyone else answer ‘No’ to being asked if you’re suicidal or have had suicidal thoughts recently? Sorry if title is weird. It’s late and I’m typing this on my phone so I’m not very good at articulating. 
Anyways some back-story: I’m 20F and have probably been suicidal since I was 16. I’ve been to a mental hospital once in high school and hated it, I went in for suicidal tendencies I guess, like I didn’t attempt suicide but I was afraid I would try something so I told my mom and she took me to a hospital which I was thankful for but at the same time it just wasn’t the best experience. I have a very supportive family especially my poor mother, just writing this out makes me cry because I put her through so much and she never asks for anything from me except that I live and I’m trying really hard just for her. Ugh okay back to my main point sorry. 

Recently I’ve noticed that during my therapy appointments I find it easier to just say I’m not suicidal or have no suicidal thoughts, but this isn’t true at all. In fact I think my suicidal thoughts are returning at full force and there’s no one I can tell except strangers on the internet. I want to tell someone in my life what’s happening but I’m afraid I’ll get pulled out of college and referred to a mental hospital. This can’t happen again considering I took a year off for my mental health last year. 

I really want to talk to my therapist about what’s going on but I’m really worried that as soon as I mention the thoughts she’ll pull me out, is that what happens? If I do tell her I’m struggling and suicidal can she really just snap her fingers and have me sent away?? I know she wouldn’t but I feel like I have to be careful with what I say. I don’t know what to do but I don’t want to leave college again, I just want to finish out the year that’s all I want. 
Thank you for reading ",2.343329408070339,4.0466594170984465,4.134512482336316,86.25376746742033,76.59067357512953,7.994850054953682,25.168472287643272,8.754623652393294,1.7805519861830748,1469,52,313,32,33,496,177,386,0.187,0.711,0.101,-0.99,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,2,16,16,1,3,10,1,30,3,1,1,5,65,70,27,9,10,22,2,3,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,19,15,0,0,11,1,1,8,13,6,0,1,17,5,51,10,45,48,8,43,0,0,0,0,25,20,0,7,17,206,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046441748124035835,0.06805417169143144,0.05465722363978865,0.0,0.1241857024888587,0.0,0.062402889290544626,0.1021443081882814,0.0,0.04048843992644746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970270131504812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771865396965722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295821397997107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812376330656556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548459840031853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497058137417959,0.0626139746484261,0.0,0.033583470273645576,0.04744978672313728,0.0,0.0,0.060705813703788365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470121530162908,0.0,0.03774748002970313,0.055709152760735715,0.0,0.0,0.07316807809647112,0.0,0.17620245503207488,0.0,0.05949842795023193,0.0655750668069607,0.0,0.07060035040316158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017537909484536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300435210086735,0.05414039529712402,0.07492358793461919,0.0703281899205249,0.0,0.0,0.04691374334497199,0.06489799139978575,0.0,0.058649243110650985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433523548814047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080435890443812,0.0,0.0,0.07778919539068267,0.0,0.0,0.04882564827563661,0.0,0.05122647042541269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561853523245085,0.0,0.07073412672631847,0.0450072711378111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278747625181487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161097588056772,0.0,0.0,0.06676949612907304,0.0,0.0,0.06643702972362342,0.0,0.1701989915690323,0.0,0.13116160946391586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563819805002736,0.0,0.06721963039741005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494252929998488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627665042767336,0.051132634083880885,0.0,0.14870139028366286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943561822838533,0.0,0.6538650010070008,0.07537155740209188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338512112994145,0.17415954688041646,0.1222994857683929,0.0759559787669413,0.07711764301332713,0.0,0.04255864906236311,0.0,0.21091724484740648,0.03872948555546068,0.0,0.0,0.06346625412757315,0.14758802969971518,0.09018835803181532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096053539758272,0.19587839979855795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157113013567421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745177520619068,0.0,0.04718219157303993,0.0,0.0,0.1283150828715495
suicidewatch,anonymoussealion,2018/04/09,"I can't talk to anyone Hello, a lot has been happening and I don't know how to deal with my life anymore. The worst thing is that I cannot talk to anyone. A suicide is bad for a prestigious boarding school's reputation, so when they find out I'm having problems, they will make an excuse and expel me. So I need to suffer in silence. And I think I'm about done suffering. I've been cutting myself although I had stopped for 3 years. I can't do this anymore. But I never cut deep enough, eat enough pills, etc. Maybe unconsciously I want to live or something. I really don't know. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm so incoherent. My English teacher would be ashamed of me.",1.4769908814589667,3.5715248297872364,3.3179989868287763,89.21250000000002,80.84397163120568,6.014387031408307,24.255825734549138,7.1686216300943375,0.9886591691995944,535,20,113,7,14,179,92,141,0.228,0.74,0.032,-0.9811,1,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,0,7,8,2,1,5,0,18,3,0,2,1,22,30,11,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,5,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,18,0,12,23,5,7,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,2,4,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33532806537092225,0.23642410194004704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411596720730077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742954538117839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300907870188384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299258800800174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493723886406847,0.18854877116524893,0.11166382790042484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545195655547465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950092992239433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787360900541179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194134597319395,0.0,0.0,0.14928480507307582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373042982382356,0.0,0.0,0.11285016884581067,0.0,0.16984545891782266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535729867339954,0.1303910033009552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176946018994864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083054185033584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109972590829875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015215384252454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134336584559934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849263406998869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271771193590682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231725180514587,0.1083280753932614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971712227141534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525521199637519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200967633736204,0.0,0.0,0.10887035716314927
suicidewatch,Kacpereek,2018/04/09,Thinking about suicide makes me happy. And that encourage me so much to do it. Anyone feel the same way?,1.2143333333333324,3.8684931,2.3500000000000014,90.08833333333334,93.0,4.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.7001666666666666,82,3,15,1,3,26,19,20,0.158,0.596,0.246,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30959595145723856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387844671213145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713382266589262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295553246130451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254878130995422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843198804917541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837099373177516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514512072565837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisamegathrowaway,2018/04/09,"My week was horrible Monday to Friday had to be some of the worst days of my life. I went through my day, got home and put on some music and just sat in silence thinking about how fucking useless I am everyday. I can’t reach out to anybody either for fear of ridicule. I feel my life slipping into shit. Help.",2.962380952380953,4.437093492063493,3.933523809523809,89.30314285714289,74.39682539682539,6.309841269841268,28.473015873015875,6.742157984588678,1.309497777777778,242,10,50,2,5,78,50,63,0.276,0.6729999999999999,0.051,-0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,1,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,11,11,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,5,1,8,0,13,5,4,11,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,2,5,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706700261519042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233801061703581,0.1453069337177733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656762976617528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298424108848524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262339210238916,0.0,0.2882635300082413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059671105537887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288894228897184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29498935108045443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841401959962333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23051726894841346,0.0,0.0,0.2664022524370773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MsDoodleydoo,2018/04/09,I got fucking put on hold. I just needed someone to calm me down.,-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.4210285714285713,50,2,11,0,2,17,13,14,0.0,0.8270000000000001,0.173,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759672978903206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41176978229627403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817521599765196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175629392403107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362277730783061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YetAnotherSmith,2018/04/09,Suicidal Canadian on the brink I wish that the rope would have broken last time. I bought a stronger one this time,1.9330303030303035,4.7530347272727305,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,88.0909090909091,6.56969696969697,20.96969696969697,7.793537801064563,1.0547696969696978,92,3,19,2,3,27,19,22,0.272,0.5379999999999999,0.19,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473476140622433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887523845988911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661100639307111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969522046419928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4900211187688554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027059846752482,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stingpin678,2018/04/09,"17 male and finna die Im 17 and am very lost. I have lost most my family in the past 2 years and have a not had a truly happy.day for years. No one knows how ""depressed"" I am. I just put on a happy face and play the day. 

I'm thinking I'm going to put it to an end soon, but I don't want my mom or dad finding me dead. 

I feel as if I'm to cowardly to do it. But I'm so lost and I know I need help. But I don't want my parents to know. I probably average 9 hours of sleep a week. My gpa has dropped from a 3.89 to a 2.23 and I am taking the SAT tomorrow, which I think I will blow off. It seems like I'm starting to care less, a lot less and becoming reckless. I don't know what to do.
",-1.0859259259259275,0.11545658024691365,2.170148148148148,98.7396666666667,85.04938271604938,6.048395061728398,18.824691358024694,7.03164865440522,-0.11917827160493788,514,13,145,7,15,186,94,162,0.177,0.728,0.096,-0.8676,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,11,0,13,2,2,1,0,29,37,15,2,4,7,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,9,1,0,3,5,4,0,1,5,1,18,4,15,31,4,17,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,5,11,85,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989353227559575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760860979608278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673686960839686,0.0,0.12469521218646615,0.0,0.15025445673340768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282284156418371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364817699389386,0.0,0.07320301081947196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323224878535126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822794418357232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411656554018088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704018862267036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257503190897355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638274250215226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182600447876951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073015873420056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741197692020079,0.12308323535769107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955970498054249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734944517549178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098103850769751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075642866401496,0.0,0.1382049136224132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609283375017627,0.0,0.0,0.29107939755605544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179848029271954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488038763814728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247307923323994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885340828753468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553301504514766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945522376913024,0.17078507376299404,0.0,0.11613043989821535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646177863119004
suicidewatch,Sam_Vimes_AMCW,2018/04/09,"Girlfriend left me because she's depressed, now I'm even more depressed than I was before I met her and it's all piling up So yesterday my now exgf said ""I need to focus on myself"" because of mental health issues she's been struggling with for years. Don't get me wrong I understand that she doesn't want to waste emotional energy on me, she needs to take care of herself first and foremost. But for a good six months, she was a big reason why I didn't start cutting again, or try to kill myself. Now that she's gone, wtf do I do? There's a physical pain I have and I don't know how to deal with it.

I contemplated cutting again, I'm in the process of giving myself a stick n poke tattoo, just doing some outline work on a rising sun.

Definitely contemplated killing myself. My girlfriend left me, my GPA starts with a 1, I'm probably going to be evicted because my job hasn't been giving me enough hours, oh and my best friend has POF and cancer. 

All I possibly have to look forward to is a dance show in May, that I've working on for a few months now, and my motorcycle license later this month. Have no money, so it's kind of pointless.

I've been working on being a dickhead to my family so they don't miss me when I'm gone.

There's a ringing in my ears I can't quiet down, and these problems don't have solutions.",3.662562174667436,4.496364564102566,4.96899556583767,85.02907460960094,71.85714285714286,7.652130325814537,27.188933873144396,7.85451343220497,1.5124183150183148,1038,35,217,13,19,346,149,273,0.149,0.7290000000000001,0.122,-0.9137,2,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,5,15,16,4,1,11,0,25,4,1,2,2,25,48,14,2,4,3,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,0,0,8,10,0,0,3,2,1,6,9,11,0,2,10,5,38,5,30,35,7,36,0,3,1,0,18,14,0,3,18,146,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281996660871901,0.0,0.10618113776994408,0.0,0.13095205441655852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722457942582144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864578831107412,0.21495082094130968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403640736818863,0.0,0.12893419010038787,0.0,0.0824179911289864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176343019811706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614035152848107,0.0,0.0,0.09640703215134468,0.0,0.06519396449156839,0.2394064376914249,0.0709170515012805,0.10466205564760896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263848822781493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288611413860495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302410268050015,0.12382786788690145,0.0,0.27610779094694776,0.12994228683354295,0.0685774705183087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711541776575589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478628813003124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575190936279698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988017875605481,0.0,0.0,0.1850500188696941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277790419366398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067407751102634,0.0,0.0,0.13453717335787718,0.11940047359620724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829770110836305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869720295792563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664409177660045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304502793312526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382128256326376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847194624161044,0.0,0.0,0.12990349816943875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360024327754837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259724394449795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725305188536792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643061591874034,0.0,0.08035615740205053
suicidewatch,guitarmannnnnnn,2018/04/09,"drunken idiot bad self hatred Got real drunk and made an ass of myself infront of work crew, even fell over at one point. Ran around with my shirt open, pants half unbuttoned. Although I did bump into a sober mate who saw and said I was just having a ""good time"".

Sprayed my beer on or near someone in a mock jerking off motion, and acted a bit silly cause even though she’s flirted with me before she’s not into me and was kissing another dude right infront of me, its almost as if she did it on purpose because she grabbed the guy by the hand, moved him and made sure it was in my vision before she started up, maybe not though.

I’ve spoken to some people who said who cares we all get silly sometimes especially working in bars like we do, but I’m older and acted like a teenager.

Saw her sister at work and got a bit of a funny greeting at first but it seemed to smooth over and go back to normal by the end of the night. We all work in hospitality and crazy shit it common place, from married guys getting drunk and hooking up with staff and then going home to their wives like nothing happened.
I actually still remember my first staff party, people were so wasted on ecstasy the girls started giving the guys foot massages and sucking on their toes (I was just a shocked 19 year old kid watching it all)



I spoke to my workmate and he didn’t even know about anything happening and no one cares, but I always over react about stuff.
Perhaps it will just blow over, none of the managers have called me in for a meeting or anything to discuss, and I realised the next day I didn't even really like that girl, it was just a nuts situation.
I guess I'm just wanting to vent, as Ive been going in and out of panic attacks and anxiety, I even considered walking up to my manager and telling him I have to quit and find a new job.


I just hate myself for what i've done and feel like such a fool, haven't slept properly and have been drinking to try to forget and have had many anxiety attacks too in the process.",7.160247524752473,5.817260569306932,7.1840396039603975,79.53497029702973,64.5940594059406,9.565148514851485,34.061386138613855,8.07648339933343,2.444791485148514,1586,56,318,15,20,510,227,404,0.149,0.735,0.116,-0.9507,1,1,2,0,0,0,31.0,3,0,2,7,21,25,8,1,22,0,23,13,7,4,4,67,55,35,0,3,14,2,4,5,1,1,0,3,1,7,14,33,5,0,5,5,0,10,7,12,0,5,25,10,38,13,57,29,7,58,0,0,3,2,35,31,3,7,22,214,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.0845411793979995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675030030768173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208548377854603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908421127175465,0.1325478093560844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258293276002368,0.07712161717430621,0.0,0.19711478155879408,0.0,0.06661532573540165,0.07233482370253139,0.0528105904686713,0.0,0.14743637477866212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891613019509176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846184140358808,0.0,0.17665595949747515,0.08899581658019877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558710310323336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886554992871166,0.0,0.0848672263232317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767310044832186,0.0,0.0,0.28610095172754163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380417962164513,0.06189053613855229,0.0,0.0,0.0791808692160571,0.14737974159777475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052419275174177,0.08310613827752904,0.14770636107696866,0.07266353697866479,0.138576432568965,0.0,0.09543586798483827,0.2573404705503001,0.1532183129995915,0.0,0.0,0.08553201863023767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689982730883264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596975094282544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761115701461247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162220946766394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394822330810635,0.0,0.08783212764703466,0.08703435724292459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207702531138992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367056095854783,0.09213503486383537,0.08129907522649728,0.08488181390052604,0.08312657056614918,0.0,0.09090661870748457,0.0,0.11740934293784938,0.0,0.0,0.10164500110302872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012064113272165,0.0,0.09051290516562192,0.0,0.08189605973753701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214471588555732,0.0,0.09860716683335674,0.05549923174529224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813814809221208,0.07398399344271911,0.1648153868759666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886730668551194,0.09037697222665488,0.0,0.0889273910789312,0.0,0.09737897014880624,0.0,0.0,0.07340374546619888,0.0,0.08568211878197464,0.0,0.12263837563145452,0.0,0.06918511797826475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991739038097982,0.0,0.0,0.08165045010028679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572094259677936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702327002062183,0.0,0.05051632032371112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881802867327725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109830841698205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522790303452433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578872475529005
suicidewatch,iced_milk,2018/04/09,"I am alone and feel like I have no other options All I want out of life is someone to share it with and I can’t even hold that down. I’m always the one who gets left behind in the dirt to be sad while others continue their happy fucking lives without me. I just want someone to stick with me through the hard parts and keep their promises. 

I quit my job that I hated. I thought that would fix everything. But now I’m broke, have a job that is paying way less and my boyfriend broke up with me. He said we could be friends and talk and he’d always be here for me and now he’s saying he doesn’t want us to talk anymore. I’m so hurt. I love him and I was prepared to stay with him for a long time. I feel like he’s putting me on the back burner until he feels like talking to me again. It hurts so much. 

I feel like I have nothing. I don’t have friends. I don’t have money to do anything. Most days I know that no one is thinking about me. I’m an artist but even that seems so fucking stupid. No one is ever going to care about my art. I don’t want to struggle anymore - with feeling loved and being happy and making enough money to survive. I don’t think I could ever go through with killing myself but I think about it daily. I know it would hurt my family but I don’t feel like anyone understands the pain I’m constantly in. I wish someone could help me ",0.8994679802955687,2.7532608827586245,2.283768472906406,97.13629310344831,81.55172413793103,4.832512315270937,20.701970443349754,5.543175910156928,-0.2305270935960589,1056,30,245,5,28,340,141,290,0.158,0.674,0.168,-0.3946,3,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,2,0,2,2,16,27,5,1,8,0,29,6,0,1,3,56,65,19,1,10,6,0,7,5,2,2,2,2,0,0,13,18,0,2,14,2,3,3,11,13,0,3,3,9,43,14,33,52,6,25,0,6,0,4,24,7,2,3,18,165,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857249674514282,0.0,0.0,0.14231828795696067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962489329525646,0.05979728093985666,0.0,0.07037533015880353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575928060275582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719291456207648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241628795340487,0.0,0.20484128496455534,0.0,0.0,0.055153056247355337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836459017817705,0.0,0.11296975617950705,0.15471471802304454,0.0,0.0,0.07685948696471072,0.0,0.08062025190811503,0.0,0.25944762477825445,0.30547603630700176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214443554056626,0.1581229530819725,0.044680452484346406,0.0,0.09720549976195142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820743729015496,0.07660874870854574,0.08443288314714154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057321973883184836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27465144743201103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972998069703746,0.07601373485565212,0.09461474793083384,0.0,0.09399865269387746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291727727593148,0.0,0.06040501066512901,0.208902742732725,0.0,0.07551535867751874,0.07568213990800657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154369525328434,0.0,0.05708498579636698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286673359519418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205834646995035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738508483386164,0.0,0.0909988660079626,0.0,0.0,0.09260937468558722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597080169289475,0.0,0.09096060345103772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134870732508248,0.06800860499379452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785381657242317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173813957426835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115249685265156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940363655877323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621220443874025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439248718239718,0.0,0.06789299635920379,0.049867156641707114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902890202758948,0.10286952873278236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176666341707997,0.06788146446377688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834330005637013,0.08243782634459415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215013163292625,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkfloyd52998,2018/04/09,"Can't figure out what today. I had made such a fantastic turn around, loving everything and doing great these past few months. This past week has just. Gone. I don't know what to do. I'm a junior in college. And I can't get myself out of the rut. Not the first time, it's a time of many. Constant thoughts and self destructive actions. I feel like tonight may be the night. I have all of my pills ready. I'm ready to go. I just can't bring myself to do it. I have one person to talk to, but they recently got a new GF. So I'm stuck alone, contemplating. At least [some tunes help sooth the heart](https://imgur.com/a/dfKDE), if the actions come though. ",0.75,3.1522878636363667,1.6623484848484864,97.83852272727276,87.03030303030305,5.118181818181818,17.340909090909093,6.6274283507984215,-0.2610545454545452,506,12,114,6,16,157,88,132,0.066,0.805,0.128,0.6991,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,0,9,0,13,2,0,1,1,20,29,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,6,1,11,3,13,21,4,24,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,3,14,69,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113324990682745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642844214366969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896941444702878,0.0,0.1994278823559088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585739444611736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331163646875196,0.1318391819889961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697411742000422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641728984126242,0.0,0.1048813331511848,0.0,0.1475977156826176,0.20346181820055095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186870405125077,0.12369680839970472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142125736807343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015950007109899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655931664371826,0.17462120219076524,0.0,0.18709994425343174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730227857231926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823497745504274,0.0,0.17318324000826754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505265503064086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523386951920159,0.0,0.1611378166876032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822161962600652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925209706105984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833050233127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813147966009106,0.14650833517074405,0.21521966892200076,0.0,0.1749273432565888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073226668769084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148031088741176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManatombiGreatLizard,2018/04/09,"Loneliness and Frustration Im in a situation right now where im seeing a girl who is not quite ready for a relaitonship and wants to see how it goes before we do anything as she has just recently left one (partly my fault). Shes kind of my escape for everything getting hectic right now and im not entirely attached but im worried if our relaitonship doesnt evolve im just gonna be back to constant self hate and not feeling confident enough to have a relaitonship. Most of my worry comes from what feels like most people having a lack of care or interest in me, i just feel like someone who doesnt really exist.",7.69829268292683,6.323121715447158,8.138333333333335,73.2275,63.552845528455286,12.102439024390245,35.134146341463406,11.20814326018867,3.812843902439024,493,18,95,12,6,164,85,123,0.191,0.69,0.119,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,1,8,8,2,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,0,23,20,9,0,3,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,0,5,9,5,12,18,5,12,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,4,7,62,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415347752244283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732185609212897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769880271957236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904302184394764,0.0,0.0,0.10902586647908537,0.0,0.13677346519501155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077706827285607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374984429773348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919875352244637,0.18083832166386615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612579284558864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495825422313525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835679058491209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179957390301375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751491507560198,0.0,0.0,0.12366803577612913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576476247114086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370592280408107,0.0,0.08774530200788573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461909373053746,0.0,0.0,0.08108176587761724,0.0,0.12496918827361253,0.0,0.0,0.21617426571035625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171429009693034,0.0,0.13203650343198028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226609289377667,0.0,0.0,0.10723941786699424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465222399514497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570689283117057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,typicalteenagedude,2018/04/09,"How much can it cost to see a therapist? Info: 16, Male, Australia, parents not very rich.",1.66,4.237743529411766,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,84.29411764705883,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.4726705882352946,68,3,13,1,2,22,17,17,0.173,0.8270000000000001,0.0,-0.4838,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489785734398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271275576884478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782955284108188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511940137262152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916990498100306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeanraval,2018/04/09,"How IRL Streamer, Ice Poseidon helped me go through Depression. last year I was pretty suicidal and most of the thoughts I had was about how I wanna kill myself, I had a girlfriend at the time aswell so I was happy from time to time but this summer she left me and that’s when I started cutting myself. I could not take the pain mentally so I had to make myself feel the pain physically to atleast let it out. Throughout the rest of the year, all my thoughts were about killing myself. And then the beginning of the year, I saw a video and it had Ice Poseidon included in it, I don’t remember exactly what it was but he caught my attention. After a few vids, I saw the video of him where he cried on stream and expressed how he truly feels and god damn I have never felt connected to someone. I related to the fact that his relationship with his parents weren’t the best and he couldn’t talk to them how he feels. A video online never hit me so hard and so close to home. Ever since then, I’ve been watching his VODS and recently just started watching actual livestreams. Ever since I started watching him, not a single thought about killing myself have crossed my mind. I just wanted to say, Mr. Paul Denino, thank you for helping me go through this and for saving my life. lets have a moment of silence and Cx in the chat/comments.",2.99417302798982,5.165410064885499,3.6652099236641256,88.22862913486006,76.21374045801527,6.809414758269721,26.56552162849873,7.793537801064563,1.5530910941475824,1055,41,209,16,24,333,140,262,0.112,0.78,0.108,-0.2742,2,0,0,0,1,4,24.0,0,1,1,1,17,12,5,0,18,0,19,3,0,5,7,48,40,24,4,4,6,1,5,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,9,14,0,0,9,3,0,4,7,8,0,0,18,11,36,4,29,17,6,34,0,1,5,0,22,8,1,1,22,150,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.11310445445382808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216328818782076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925389881123752,0.0,0.1273138293874843,0.0,0.0,0.09982694784615803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968151202168095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581187798123749,0.0,0.11128490416301948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174051200399192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338073034754775,0.10382618065402313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553744635219933,0.0,0.11626000050964473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846879661972262,0.0,0.0,0.09447628544911013,0.0,0.0,0.12592877679066786,0.23703701688659676,0.08186560484868326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773660469312011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680280393943995,0.0,0.11702883007627413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878283362732578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24665759095997436,0.0,0.12869638969120742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179148579791596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444007369794615,0.12443627671278333,0.1312953259005669,0.0,0.0,0.09217059183380376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917520569605891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820410177550158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461098840175549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267788971849097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714451278006383,0.09315831395260593,0.0,0.10670776473207473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760417298532629,0.2027516374356392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836249905868909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391289037083745
suicidewatch,rockysunny,2018/04/09,"I want to kill myself 20 I had a lonely and depressing childhood and was an only child. Was raised by my mom who has borderline personality disorder and is very manipulating and neglectful. Never met my dad either. I felt so alone in my life, desperately wanting to be in someone else's shoes but instead, watching my life pass by as others lived theirs. 

Since dropping out of college and moving in with my uncle, I've been thinking about suicide more each day. I have no support system and am extremely empty and emotionless. Think I might have aspergers too, not sure. Basically I'm almost ready to give up. To be done with trying to fix my broken self. 
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suicidewatch,Convincemekillme,2018/04/09,"Need some advice on how to man up and commit suicide. I have been depressed all my life and have been wanting to kill myself for sometime. I have thoughts about hanging myself or maybe getting N to kill myself, but I'm a complete wimp who cannot for some reason go through with killing myself. I just hate living and never had a traumatic experience to ever hate living. I almost hung myself a few years back but the cord broke so I am sadly still here existing. ",4.309571428571431,6.005352211111107,4.895396825396826,82.86500000000002,71.33333333333333,6.476190476190476,27.301587301587304,6.868970318607317,1.3951587301587305,369,13,66,3,7,118,65,90,0.342,0.607,0.051,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,6,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,5,0,4,0,8,1,0,2,4,20,16,8,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,9,0,0,4,0,11,0,11,12,4,9,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,4,5,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085830026950044,0.0,0.0,0.17508384530683754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444642087410594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833235763658569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505953198789756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815896938106974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103375181252506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135025299081788,0.0,0.09936948376321984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452500951702647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5803263404621203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349948801672946,0.0,0.0,0.30878591134682426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756571433857146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296467101788881,0.13485265551977405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977166361627026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292798730584852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396329056000881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125405501616796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388088537351049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312919142168954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259562699238305
suicidewatch,DragonForce92,2018/04/09,My parents died and I am homeless and mentally disabled. 😭 I cannot take of myself. Can someone help me? 😭😭😭,-1.7487499999999976,0.09245495833333807,1.9916666666666671,91.47,103.58333333333334,4.066666666666666,26.83333333333333,5.985473137389443,1.1840333333333333,85,5,18,1,4,31,18,24,0.161,0.7170000000000001,0.121,-0.2263,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614611890638545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29802963454355696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480877511355855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937148243966941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767380031363797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33431037131326874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AustinTheGeek,2018/04/09,"I'm not built to be around people. I need to either shut myself off and live as a hermit or die. I'm 20, I have autism and I'm extremely socially inept. I make people very uncomfortable when I'm around them. I cannot hold a conversation and I have no idea how to formulate my thoughts into words when I'm forced to talk to people. I'm not made to make friends or be social. If a higher power made me, they forgot to add a personality. I read this book about a man who decided to seclude himself in the wilderness of Maine and live in complete isolation for 30 years, only saying one word (""Hi"") the entire time. If I were able to replicate that somehow, I feel like I would be happier and the general population would be better off without my presence, even if I were to just live off grid in a mobile home or something along those lines. I'm destined to be the weird hermit that everyone's scared of. And if I can't do that, then I'm comfortable with leaving the planet and doing a solid for the population. My presence in society has no purpose other than to make others afraid. I cannot live with myself if that's what I'm here for.",4.539090909090909,5.0846388398268445,5.94500432900433,79.86893506493509,69.69264069264071,8.757402597402598,28.387012987012987,8.841846274778883,2.1068929870129867,896,30,179,15,15,304,128,231,0.097,0.828,0.076,-0.5709,1,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,10,7,0,2,13,0,17,0,0,6,0,46,35,20,1,8,13,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,10,14,0,2,4,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,2,21,4,34,22,2,16,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,9,6,125,31,2,0.13701503220007089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439448550635615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117866157247392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436576544416985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219997153985772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049713654860224,0.0,0.0,0.13092373491737802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927891712144044,0.09788356638062858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585747399729203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743724881954544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467329382684106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507913569100228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693862383635157,0.0,0.4839471346576758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592938727051804,0.2743757937981264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159491026518347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284493179567237,0.10420610612196718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28496691457826145,0.11963624120094304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370521104136612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895985298620713,0.13717594969789546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793391412362026,0.0,0.10548086573643976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012749284524118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087746308392436,0.0798945671215628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305175094004954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207760164804222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466309544321728,0.0,0.0,0.08823318852255763
suicidewatch,xtropicalxtree,2018/04/09,"i've lost all hope day to day, for the past 2 years i have been thinking of suicide, but never really started considering it as an option until recently. i don't know when or if i ever will kill myself, but if my life keeps heading in this direction, then i will have no choice. i sit here still procrastinating from overdue assignments that i wouldn't have done anyways. i've lived a lie for too long and i'm tired of it. i just want it to end now. i hate feeling this way, when i should be doing something with my life. it's only gonna get worse when i start highschool next year.",4.046499999999998,4.668141983333335,5.108333333333333,85.15500000000003,70.83333333333334,8.0,26.666666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.443166666666667,458,14,98,6,8,151,89,120,0.218,0.74,0.042,-0.9768,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,2,0,3,0,12,4,1,0,3,20,25,12,2,6,6,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,13,1,11,16,1,23,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,20,66,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380368316595815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885703171730145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345505765476492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693454449805314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093313188766369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641889380337182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220328445708733,0.1893998451370756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832981483445927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403504935883367,0.2041754016741872,0.0,0.10142294457432216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607039089656979,0.0,0.0,0.16295957055050228,0.16331947876218467,0.0,0.0,0.20145632001630734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233506143623614,0.0,0.19626925956619864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403573331569595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761722782836351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182263960418491,0.0,0.18221922754081368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207433292369245,0.0,0.0,0.26124853824779826,0.0,0.14738054746125773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018659370535261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825112834495788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121111755035983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885139592021682,0.14648588699148227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880705309226579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768616826477484
suicidewatch,acidspits,2018/04/09,"Jetsetting life but wants to die. I'm living most peoples dreams now. I have a loving family who is always supportive of what I do. Have a loving partner who has sacrificed so much for us to be together. Graduated top of my class, travelling every few months. Have a freelance job that pays me enough and my parents or partner always chip in so I can afford the travelling to see him so we can work it out. Planning to get my masters done in a foreign country soon too so I can live near my partner. My friends are really supportive and they always want to hang out now and make the most of the time we have.

But everynight I still feel like I should just kill myself.",2.486923076923077,4.804701212121216,3.835151515151516,85.65157342657344,78.54545454545455,7.0918414918414925,25.305361305361306,8.139509932561175,1.726965501165501,528,20,102,10,13,173,87,132,0.077,0.703,0.22,0.9648,3,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,3,0,1,4,10,7,1,0,7,0,14,3,0,1,0,18,25,10,2,3,4,1,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,1,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,18,6,14,22,5,15,0,0,1,2,14,6,0,3,7,79,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168483013139864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330972525910907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088921071131866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254577675086072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069665843506204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742373680776964,0.0,0.08443539026447715,0.11929801260229896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901640933135958,0.0,0.08724561913257685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571225701509326,0.0,0.1847501939509296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795029506550846,0.08158310005743723,0.0,0.29491125785473826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30143080617188694,0.0,0.11146742371786088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329018597016634,0.0,0.1227571967243858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542313546697908,0.0,0.0,0.11577015367557343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697835987954102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330697702823002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335879104335766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37899757304599935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737347572993298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008689533149272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699059086638174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215710382361482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,colelynnie,2018/04/09,Life is questionable. What's to live for? I don't know how to feel better anymore. All I have been doing is thinking about taking my life & ways to do it. I'm not afraid of dying anymore. Its all I want. Everyday my life gets worse. And all I do is cut now. And my parents hate me so much. Especially my mom.. I keep ducking up my life and digging a bigger grave for myself. I'm 16 and have big dreams.. but they keep getting crushed. I'm turning 17 soon..still no licenses or permit bc I keep messing up my life. Theres so much I'm not explaining. But I find no peace or will to live anymore. Ive lost 2 friends to suicide in one year and I see how it effects families. But I can't take this pain anymore. Please help me.,-0.8638961038961064,1.2773563766233769,1.4685714285714262,97.00142857142859,95.62337662337664,4.358441558441558,20.63636363636364,6.11248444174946,0.10001038961038987,558,21,128,6,22,187,95,154,0.198,0.6920000000000001,0.11,-0.9282,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,3,7,9,2,1,1,0,13,6,0,4,3,29,33,14,3,1,7,2,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,7,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,2,20,2,12,30,5,9,0,2,1,0,7,5,0,3,3,76,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439893094234767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920634123497413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970464092233158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873551015098395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693530202949345,0.0,0.06271911760429945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337169857459432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583416769191247,0.0,0.12961314514437958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246531681995546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314241360342678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33076139679640976,0.0,0.0,0.06816997331918295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380709560590348,0.0,0.0,0.21906186264179453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540596773374874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527592456342187,0.0,0.0,0.18236957356422667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840537415740551,0.0,0.13198891877825325,0.0,0.1377334243790911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616033578254896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389548863409979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884502867542208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568128593334827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865275660000226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948079498255815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492155017106486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731629000398364,0.09845838187559773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640890213680572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987866955033543
suicidewatch,obsa214,2018/04/09,"The world is hopeless There's a time and place for politics and it's not on here so I won't get too deep into that but it seems to me like the whole world is pretty much fucked. Life for the vast majority of people is just going to keep getting worse in this country for at least our entire lifetimes, if not longer. There are people who recognize that things are bad of course but nothing is ever going to change. Am I wrong about that, and if I'm right, why not quit while I'm ahead?",2.7431930693069333,4.152509792079211,3.470383663366338,92.66814975247526,74.84158415841584,6.238118811881187,20.54579207920792,6.6274283507984215,0.08599900990098996,383,8,85,3,8,121,72,101,0.184,0.75,0.066,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,2,8,5,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,1,15,17,9,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,14,16,4,16,0,1,0,1,2,10,1,3,5,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836240762347044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326462785799336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893029814988766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331256523540467,0.2297983242385257,0.0,0.2499712929260368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547506703362333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533605250886906,0.10744183986415666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166655916909947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101924286896329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049297784345681,0.0,0.2297696703693645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373777857601915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339120698486285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781054209714346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020697630786446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610512552957616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282371640575832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844366095935556,0.2455329095074478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241173443288625,0.0,0.2404480779582839,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Doublewide,2018/04/09,"I need some help please I have had suicidal thoughts for years. They ruin my day, and I feel they make a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts as they make me feel hopeless and unmotivated, making my feelings of having no future worse.

I don’t have any friends. I don’t think I have never been close to anyone, including my immediate family while they were still around. 

I’m terribly socially inept, and no matter how prepared I try to be and make my best effort to make good first impressions, I fail and end up falling into my rut eventually. 

I have constant suicidal thoughts all day, and have had serious contemplations close to a dozen times now. I feel I need help. Do any of you have any advice?
",5.6134001670843805,6.733269571428572,6.231979949874687,76.7032247284879,67.57142857142857,9.820885547201335,30.567251461988306,9.994966539143718,3.0026865497076027,555,21,103,13,9,181,81,133,0.231,0.621,0.14800000000000002,-0.9313,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,4,4,4,9,0,0,2,0,15,0,0,6,2,30,30,9,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,6,4,22,4,12,23,3,18,0,3,0,0,10,5,0,2,12,69,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135311650454585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951067485889731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114465440839124,0.0,0.0,0.12877172803726886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518042692323444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563183703311697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865782766716781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281195130932934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636585793533385,0.0,0.2925633622223071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304166262708005,0.0,0.0,0.11175845334995717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132796957426907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391554757323914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827845906646421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451654967234612,0.1115652157171594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587854196593882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090449753016738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745539075238967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551997381470387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164535369721579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268772226239462,0.0,0.2296764516904569,0.08434825539856175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820980769743146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741363892147324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931517096626402
suicidewatch,DecentAlternative,2018/04/09,Fear of surviving stopping me from kms If there was a 100% effective method of suicide id have done it by now. Even guns to the head theres still like a 10% chance of survival and I won't risk that. Id rather live like shit than be a damn vegetable . Also you'll never know if you actually were successful which is also terrifying,2.38401960784314,4.24327367647059,3.927058823529413,87.09343137254903,76.94117647058823,7.47450980392157,24.568627450980397,8.344100000000001,1.4664039215686273,262,9,56,5,6,87,56,68,0.232,0.5529999999999999,0.215,-0.5245,0,0,1,1,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,4,8,7,2,2,4,0,8,3,2,1,1,8,9,5,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,4,3,7,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,6,37,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.2652841252459717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347929896231126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781945644016426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955283153496396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30590422284155977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789941520129288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940037778641346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562209385301033,0.0,0.2400464855988869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966569290682774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790477412400391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709791173480625,0.2272768364961553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29735724381286244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cherrypitofdespair,2018/04/09,"I don’t hate my life, I just hate myself I don’t have a bad life (which makes me feel guilty for even posting this)- I’m in college, middle class, in good health besides severe anxiety. But I’m basically ruining my own life. I used to be a star student, overachiever. Now I do the bare minimum...all I can bring myself to do is watch YouTube videos and scroll through social media mindlessly because everything is so overwhelming. I’m about to graduate and I’ve done nothing. At the same time I have impossible expectations for myself and really want to succeed, but I don’t think I’ll ever be the outgoing, smart, attractive, successful person I want to be. I’m just disappointing everyone, especially myself. 
I don’t have many friends and I feel so alone. My social anxiety makes it extremely difficult to even talk to people. I’m already seeing my 6th therapist and I’m on medication, nothing works. I just hate myself so much and I want to give up.
Sometimes I wish I’d killed myself in high school like I had planned to. Because now I wish I could, but it feels like I’m in too deep and it would be a bigger inconvenience for everyone. If I could kill myself without it impacting my family I’d do it in a heartbeat. I don’t think I’m ever going to get better or become someone I’m not ashamed of.",2.462268781801857,4.862607105058366,4.472782101167319,80.60055896438195,79.11673151750972,8.15618078419635,27.005237952708768,8.950670267944501,2.5500034121520505,1034,44,195,27,26,353,134,257,0.171,0.653,0.17600000000000002,0.1342,0,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,5,14,20,5,2,7,0,23,5,0,3,2,37,53,15,2,10,10,0,3,2,1,1,5,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,1,0,2,7,11,0,0,2,5,32,9,25,44,3,20,0,3,2,0,6,12,0,2,7,123,39,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128147568048398,0.12020283854261228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666565842976228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094887876757833,0.1328008763782009,0.12030049827958685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633642678194036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393751330702606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146938423326692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388953724951908,0.1970600799266313,0.0,0.2081674222048211,0.0978959005188492,0.0,0.10268598545583717,0.0,0.1652291725340643,0.07781694320945214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415615967966565,0.0,0.056909476035834565,0.1044919958072709,0.061905304799589674,0.09136218044400593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226263974239356,0.0,0.11578352269413528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150865760807006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410215398732921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081352016941936,0.1064317388955112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541825118366747,0.11043413283371377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973174916075562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800733356547885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903537194964286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551575485129276,0.09511021034035927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432124882473834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978095253890383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023919225847616,0.08680012794071512,0.0,0.0,0.12305567123003015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207321303789954,0.09229286816189296,0.0,0.1077308581783182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755080319829317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647178546513185,0.0,0.1395911006504918,0.0,0.0,0.0635157792296461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407731693391932,0.0,0.0,0.19274259421254905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505196508385249,0.10500102935277156,0.0,0.07929961591123916,0.0,0.0,0.07737809115054296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ms5153,2018/04/09,"If I tell a psychiatrist about suicidal thoughts, will I be hospitalized? Even if they aren't strong suicidal thoughts? Please tell me the truth.

After 3 years, I've finally recognized that I need to seek help for how I've been feeling. A lot of stress has hit recently that has just made everything so much more hopeless. I don't think I would commit suicide anytime soon, but the thought is constantly lingering in the back of my mind. I'm just afraid that I'll be hospitalized if I voice this.

There isn't a way to afford hospital treatment right now, I can barely scrape up enough for this first appointment, so if I were to be hospitalized, that would be even more stress. I know I shouldn't hold anything back, but I'm just scared of all the consequences. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I need help, but if there are negative repercussions to seeing someone, I would rather find an alternative method to seeking help.",7.307262569832402,7.2482191955307265,6.750776536312853,78.54471229050282,63.74860335195531,11.182346368715084,34.101117318435755,10.793553405168565,3.4612878212290497,752,29,148,18,10,233,108,179,0.168,0.758,0.075,-0.95,1,0,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,1,2,16,7,0,4,9,0,20,1,0,2,4,36,34,11,3,12,12,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,7,4,15,2,17,17,7,16,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,6,11,100,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794359493507738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017267452270137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299328883309084,0.0,0.14175061530418842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553601108902313,0.0,0.17327608372761175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788917095117535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663246368974666,0.0,0.0,0.14369280125186035,0.11988907098229876,0.11157505895493076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175045817961813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26376600645836823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208884468417415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151796629508044,0.0,0.1241183658136792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244659150115914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096426705363629,0.1945251402286611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398775326513236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295167838775765,0.0,0.0,0.11202039494167808,0.0,0.0,0.13132631733879052,0.0,0.10452730979696744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114183182999324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30051476562219315,0.0,0.0,0.43044349316676817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930067708806864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404988891582853,0.0,0.31240837157237034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411843592269343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795430339935103,0.0,0.0,0.08447063600613446
suicidewatch,vivid-dreams2699,2018/04/09,"I can’t do this anymore I know a lot of my struggles aren’t as severe as others and I probably don’t have a place to say anything like this but I seriously feel like I have no place being alive anymore. I feel like I’m constantly ruining everything and I feel like whether I’m here or not wouldn’t matter to anyone. I’m not diagnosed with anything and even if I try to talk to someone about how I’m feeling like to my mom I just don’t think she would listen. I’ve been to counsellors and therapy before and my mother just told everyone how she thought I felt because even when I flat out try to tell her how I feel about things she cuts me off to explain how she thinks I feel. It’s not just that it’s just I don’t know how to seek help without feeling like I might be imagining how I’m feeling or feeling like no one will listen or care. I’m ruining the one good relationship in my life because of all of this and I just don’t know what to do anymore and I just don’t want to be here. 

I don’t think any of this makes any sense and I apologize I don’t even know why I’m writing here I guess I just would like some advice to keep going idk I just feel worthless and hopeless lately and like I have nothing left to live for",2.801835153922543,3.622505437735853,4.276643495531282,89.24294935451839,73.86792452830188,7.54121151936445,26.777557100297926,7.85451343220497,1.3432641509433965,971,34,221,13,19,324,117,265,0.109,0.695,0.196,0.973,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,23,18,1,1,3,0,23,2,0,7,1,70,59,25,0,5,18,2,11,9,0,5,2,3,0,0,10,12,0,1,21,0,0,1,16,7,0,2,4,14,34,11,27,47,3,10,0,4,0,0,18,6,0,8,12,144,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461789243733955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177727180795558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576316179818818,0.06054799284928316,0.0,0.14251768375578558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055728464224802,0.0,0.0736844523676964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828755897316923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357650806544293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878902955744084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158201548215207,0.0,0.0,0.08274353262551451,0.0778244026148864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43784133890739935,0.3711732822209098,0.08314307087508271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921292249406198,0.07263028458764925,0.0,0.0,0.09539219448735813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058041610090543885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696803269560777,0.0,0.0,0.1903574765172186,0.0,0.09768092394782438,0.0,0.09408378694904997,0.0,0.061163352184720125,0.3807456599007792,0.0,0.07646339976254476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361845908082659,0.0,0.0,0.05780164678852609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186172225642404,0.0,0.10141693274954272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308853006683993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735561390754645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094296904276091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336213710057924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296871172218144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886240417847109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782569087259199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337015433992376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052603499655863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960035018063644,0.07568629107146163,0.0,0.09902689379732607,0.0,0.057528687670545677,0.1664563167747861,0.0,0.06874534416051549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274353262551451,0.0,0.11758222456688178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107492473649575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078136912378337,0.0,0.0,0.08347277403872704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302667808059554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Callcat,2018/04/09,"Everyday im losing my will to live a little bit more I feel like im at my lowest, but i know it will get much, much worse from here. 
Things that used to make me happy are now nothing to me, in the past when i was feeling suicidel i was always reminding myself of the things that i love, but now it doesnt work anymore, like i got numb, and empty.
Suddenly every time something good happens to me, i dont feel anything, But everytime something bad happens to me, it adds a brand new reason to kill myself, i cant take it anymore, everyday this feeling of emptiness gets 1000x stronger.  ",4.226186440677964,5.015073271186445,5.162500000000001,84.32137711864408,70.52542372881356,7.594915254237289,30.00423728813559,7.6454224807358475,1.8678101694915248,458,18,91,5,8,150,75,118,0.198,0.611,0.191,-0.2601,1,0,2,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,3,0,13,22,5,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,4,16,5,11,17,4,12,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,11,59,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235507172732818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945127788548249,0.0,0.0,0.12218981333015587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239780727523391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210624741162769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402233154836028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251043102213256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30031221422877663,0.10607711471892596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515369196136514,0.0,0.0,0.12454146997067918,0.11875634832157278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626081074610991,0.15806415107995406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207767490862388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642757250567887,0.0,0.08160301202163704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508372227068622,0.14882013811678907,0.1311142350528854,0.0,0.0,0.16611579605804275,0.0,0.0,0.13401275305694996,0.0,0.09911433086953872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183058871720969,0.0,0.0,0.14340692854118128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247455769968007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417449335847656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526664481318106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286207237661561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164161044480936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729255829440054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658230870968929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824264137422384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809823808604094,0.0,0.1513180460319906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wolfelover101,2018/04/09,"There is a teacher at my school who has, at another school, had a student who killed themselves. I now suspect they are trying to push me and others to that point THANK EVERYONE WHO HELPS PEOPLE HERE. IT IS HARD. I HAVE READ THROUGH THE COMMENTS PEOPLE WILL HELP I WILL HELP THE SITUATION I FACE I WORRY THE PERSON COULD GET ME EXPELLED BUT TO EVERYONE THANK YOU. I WILL TALK TO THE OTHERS THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE. HERE PEOPLE SUPPORT EACH OTHER. THANK YOU Deleting in a half an hour.",0.6982446808510652,3.120328478723408,1.8906117021276607,91.97187500000004,99.31914893617022,4.052127659574468,19.70478723404256,5.985473137389443,0.2197468085106382,383,13,72,4,16,121,61,94,0.093,0.664,0.243,0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,5,6,1,0,9,0,10,1,1,0,0,5,16,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,13,5,9,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,2,57,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904117867546693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993094755650505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177513605580835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29147957423805504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968561876466221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662832859102556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30669364590434783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020188017536631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874123501261418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172153429079218,0.13317493833604158,0.0,0.0,0.14418108565674695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256168339915896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087175935937929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143933030706626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307835292327609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259012755285598,0.0,0.5616812041506152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355134615122122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489187906994925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skyfox3,2018/04/09,"I want someone to talk to, who has been here before. After a failed relationship a year ago I'm still having suicidal thoughts. I'm really low at the moment, I just need someone who understands.",4.467747747747747,6.4320355945945975,5.803783783783783,75.41936936936938,71.43243243243242,9.257657657657658,28.54954954954956,9.725611199111238,2.9960522522522526,155,6,27,4,3,52,29,37,0.265,0.701,0.034,-0.8718,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,7,0,7,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619525553607676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514579842089526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911756504069727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189311829740356,0.0,0.0,0.31726808156902137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.500770800856364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599536179847586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323240927451829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237520442838126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460262118922154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076372364944158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429996702389428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029931100264166
suicidewatch,blabout,2018/04/09,"Going home for last time. Choosing to end my life soon.  So going back to my hometown to check things out.  The house I grew up in, the high school.  Visit my grandparents graves .Haven’t been there in almost 18 years, sure things are different.
Kinda sad to have only one thing on the ole bucket list, but this is important for me before I go.

Leave Tuesday, will give updates.  Don’t know why I’m posting this but I guess I just want there to be something out there in internet land from me when I’m gone.",2.174500000000002,4.465879450000003,2.7059999999999995,93.473,79.5,5.6000000000000005,21.0,6.742157984588678,0.3163,395,11,82,4,10,122,75,100,0.05,0.897,0.053,0.0937,2,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,12,18,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,6,2,2,0,1,2,0,9,1,15,14,0,25,0,2,0,0,2,9,0,3,9,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781586605828366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190227937385342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809886572088426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639569732075416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496896323742034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950611882404236,0.33681337857191035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176214815566824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872039234495945,0.1981568310247087,0.0,0.0,0.2279439606605925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085672582743614,0.16102805134624434,0.0,0.20917489271106765,0.0,0.0,0.13953405088270526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338636913890205,0.15024421646904298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919645301939692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999292032447481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208216307879965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861867272314984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937264985931825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519187391248398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651897570115415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825641529079062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721448645841385
suicidewatch,Depressed-Teen101,2018/04/09,I don’t know anymore I can’t seem to be happy I lost all my friends me and this girl had a connection and were going to go on a date I canceled it and said I didn’t want to anymore I’m a fuck up my teachers tell me I’ve given up on school my parents yell at me for my shitty grades and all I  can do is sink my time into pointless video games that make me a worse people I don’t know why I’m here if all I ever do is disappoint the people I love and yet I can’t get anyone to love me back ,1.2493103448275846,1.4202747931034525,3.797758620689656,93.66060344827585,76.93103448275863,6.4896551724137925,22.25862068965517,5.985473137389443,0.09853793103448316,380,9,99,2,8,135,68,116,0.131,0.726,0.14300000000000002,0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,5,0,13,3,0,1,4,16,29,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,3,0,0,6,2,20,4,11,22,3,13,0,2,0,3,8,6,1,2,5,65,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943039928271826,0.13900263208273822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286168441076822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798221648971971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358912701817642,0.18378349588500695,0.10386259041140206,0.0,0.22596044682063798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162180512509146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185059242045105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700907805800146,0.0,0.3588419071361657,0.0,0.13269772727762688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073918854928248,0.0,0.0,0.2756399271990819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891003112012387,0.0,0.0,0.2011919432471367,0.0,0.18097621248260504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375627459198215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159194183871215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725490206542358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793822713569228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258988411036766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,red-batman,2018/04/09,I just wanna do it The title says it all I guess.,-4.907499999999999,-5.068083416666667,-0.26333333333333186,104.07500000000002,133.16666666666669,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-2.9312,37,0,10,0,3,14,10,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8108081407315846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5853120184340921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hurtingdudeplzhelp,2018/04/09,"Don’t want to kill myself but don’t feel like living. Fell for a girl who I thought was perfect. She’s a whore. I know it’s the heartbreak making me feel this way but in today’s day and age (instagram, facebook etc. ) don’t feel like it’s worth pursuing anything in life. Girls are sluts and guys are fake douchebags and I rather end it all than die alone or with someone fake. Am I alone feeling like this? 

TL;DR: feel like dying young and alone is better than living searching for something impossible to find. Am I alone?",2.046695804195803,4.4761020961538485,2.506888111888113,93.92902097902099,80.92307692307692,4.935664335664336,21.954545454545453,6.11248444174946,0.2126269230769231,414,13,85,3,11,127,68,104,0.306,0.5,0.194,-0.9626,0,4,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,1,12,1,0,3,0,9,3,0,1,2,21,18,7,3,2,4,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,5,8,6,9,16,2,9,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,9,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5587485998662152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109885083868048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928369369629772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698155208728026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799525531751812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945693035992015,0.0,0.15041839831913312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409777357782871,0.3854115303316848,0.0,0.0,0.12327094690711547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354489872925482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921634783866292,0.0,0.07412235387969751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526437769717576,0.26356740365123155,0.0,0.23818963267382715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002838651731909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142769623487824,0.10383137687818672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707363473556893,0.0,0.0,0.12784328233128167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795512467377138,0.10705544785290112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Turbulent_Mode,2018/04/09,"On the verge of ending it all Today has been exceptionally hard for me. I was doing spring cleaning around the house when my dad started yelling and raising his fists at me for not doing things quickly enough. I locked myself in my room and barricaded the door. He yelled at me ""I'm gonna kick the door in!"" and I heard him say to my mom ""One day I'm gonna murder that girl!"". It was all too much so I let the mood die down they called me out for dinner so I came out. They expected me to apologize for locking my door and said it's my fault for being scared and always wanting to kill myself. I couldn't take it anymore I grabbed my fork and started stabbing myself. After that, I ran right back into my room and barricaded the door.
For the past 2 years, I've been managing my depression and anxiety. I've been in college full time, been living with my parents, and I have a loving boyfriend. I've been having panic attacks from nothing and when I drive home my brain puts thoughts of cutting myself and letting myself bleed out onto the pages of my coloring books. These thoughts are so vivid I can feel my wrists burn in pain. I've never cut myself before but I do keep a kitchen knife in my bedroom. I've been saying goodbye more and more. I just don't want to be causing anyone including myself any more pain. I think I could die peacefully knowing that the only pain left to cause is the pain of losing me. I feel guilty and ashamed I haven't done anything with my life. I called the helpline and my counselor. I'm not on any medications. I'm just so tired and helpless I don't want to do anything with my life except throw it away. I'm tired of being told to look on the bright side and to practice self-compassion and self-awareness. I don't think anyone can help me but I'm too scared to die. Maybe I wanna have someone push me outta a window. I don't really know what I want. All I know is can someone tell me the easiest way to kill myself besides cutting cause I can't do it.",2.215651105651105,4.162038771498775,3.370270270270272,90.49162162162165,77.74692874692875,5.874201474201474,23.530712530712535,6.766488616294105,0.6672958230958228,1568,51,328,15,37,506,197,407,0.214,0.738,0.048,-0.997,1,0,0,0,1,5,37.0,0,0,2,1,14,22,7,4,16,0,37,15,2,3,4,59,69,25,6,8,8,3,4,0,0,2,10,6,11,1,12,26,2,1,9,1,0,6,10,19,0,1,16,14,62,2,47,44,10,47,0,3,4,1,20,25,0,0,15,218,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717398000261413,0.0,0.0,0.11726160400173324,0.0,0.06595609017705335,0.0,0.0855045131525002,0.12057044919004717,0.0,0.14189918062794707,0.0767517827968574,0.0,0.09808476179938624,0.08100410402751125,0.06629587396008138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336467405625133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624715433502963,0.1760752506491853,0.0986097596946678,0.0,0.26570711951828924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883759415327384,0.0,0.0,0.05560310319658082,0.0,0.07425893735783018,0.0,0.26844020940313057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823035452761085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636304327708965,0.08908564204610787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718823601212378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723387333419904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057789719122070815,0.0,0.08648310182108082,0.0,0.0,0.09948332670324324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663400418973207,0.19077360172107968,0.0,0.14214851746301507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367547890633303,0.1763263063556256,0.1217958267458583,0.0,0.0,0.07613156127996501,0.0,0.07240091823917387,0.0964552392199213,0.0,0.0,0.07781458754296776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661698662095171,0.0,0.0,0.08685497993895741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097680006938448,0.0,0.0,0.06337972387329224,0.0,0.06649618930274602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272793961673194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842315499635156,0.06557223288103832,0.3669656538865115,0.10115756558130258,0.09573424156958316,0.0,0.08230428292534718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667232033314623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055233086861750484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362920544476748,0.08201250984204357,0.1371271055140045,0.1726373559864131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988714439169778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610348005966034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220502670185285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648247698165245,0.0,0.07535782511180984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057279022700368026,0.11048928263135292,0.0,0.13689400152024808,0.05027407084084954,0.1981884819831815,0.08172403285380535,0.08238443940712496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341307211144166,0.06843537476484647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552119161679396
suicidewatch,Perplex404,2018/04/09,"There’s No End to This Nightmare Life is jacked up. I’ve given this life far too many chances. I’m genuinely on the edge of killing myself and finally getting it over now. I’m not there yet but I almost am, to where I don’t talk about it because I am committing to it. ",0.5379885057471263,2.528935327586204,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,83.65517241379311,5.935632183908046,23.459770114942533,7.1686216300943375,0.7685080459770117,211,8,49,3,6,70,44,58,0.081,0.865,0.054000000000000006,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429522727618715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877751388629465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033427237195509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375178877596164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789358511384571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37891224260062417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838188243585578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34722908959652354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27527889166081315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXIAMVERYSADXx,2018/04/09,"i hate being alive so much i hate being alive i hate being alive every moment is agony that would be resolved by putting a bullet in my brain or laying down in front of a train
ive been completely misarable for 5 years despite therepy and antidepressens exercise and great people around me. if it werent for my frinsd and family i would have killed myself already. cant they see how awful i am and let this pathetic animal end its suffering. i hate being alive so much. i wish i was drunk i waish i was dead i wish i was dead i widh i was dead i wash i was dead why the fuck am i pprolinging this horrible existance for them when i have to die anyway. they dont even know how bad it is. i dont think they couod know. i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself. will anyone read this? will anyone care? does it matter? of course fucking not nothing ever has

edit: i want to kill myself i awant to kill myself i want to kill myself i want to kill mysel i want to kill myself i want to kill myself IWANT TOKILLMYSELF  WANY o kll myself ahhahahahant to kill myself i want to kill myself

nothing matters

so many people feel like this
 i do too

it doesnt matter for them or me
we live as we live then we die /

its almost funny in a macabre sorta way

no its not

edit; how emberassed am i gonna be reading this back later huh?
that is if im not DEAD lolololo

ediet wow half an hour and youre still at it? WHATS UP WITH THAT?!?!",-0.08341216216216196,2.2304918074324327,2.0061351351351355,93.85981081081086,92.07432432432432,4.446486486486488,15.508108108108113,6.124889420169582,-0.4741727027027025,1109,24,236,11,40,369,149,296,0.336,0.534,0.13,-0.9982,1,0,0,0,0,7,20.0,3,1,5,1,14,25,18,0,5,2,32,6,1,3,1,41,56,18,16,12,7,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,17,10,1,0,5,4,0,2,8,20,0,1,6,2,57,5,25,38,2,20,0,1,1,2,9,7,2,6,11,165,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734534328038035,0.0,0.07421665654695289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405136839715547,0.0,0.0,0.059870476119629285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171431065337447,0.05615442846993126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750779036683641,0.0,0.0,0.06857011556551901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051472487429715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959843503271666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058854583388793964,0.0,0.15764278879579033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059567238601399765,0.0,0.0,0.044420749527315874,0.06083525334489179,0.05666454465409468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340125247591047,0.0,0.034005732582736765,0.04804639738738184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435080557689968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414796741714333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647970318236495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623181688562534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264605188436611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6696610394507153,0.0,0.0739222735080547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877195245006848,0.0,0.03285699367450004,0.0,0.11877334064346627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681851793763987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887911671492823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906439310625326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932511562893827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067609023473406,0.0,0.0,0.13454475359241222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535928715304332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370927251680389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04309376092776726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23800953604885794,0.05338323516785312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606864338988426,0.0,0.15467796859018587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555087525063463,0.0,0.0,0.043309484883558035
suicidewatch,iamtheorb,2018/04/09,"I want to overdose on thorazine I have probably a weeks worth of pills sitting on the counter that I've been watching.. lithium, thorazine, and cymbalta. I was wondering if anyone knows how much it would take and the consequences of surviving.. just wanna sleep and never wake up.",4.6708,7.582200480000001,4.594000000000001,79.93700000000003,74.2,8.0,34.0,8.841846274778883,3.4904,224,12,36,5,5,69,41,50,0.0,0.931,0.069,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,1,1,12,8,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,7,5,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25830996713123083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030258609263252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715692692608471,0.0,0.2849226918955913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983017343908141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36969096075124813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777609982061558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789594516790825,0.0,0.2963297834739652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40062475057054026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624283289651557,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LegalPresentation9,2018/04/09,"Any good reason to live? Is there any good reason to live if you're a forever alone? Why does society force me to live when I am not mentally ill. I was just dealt a bad hand, why do I have to suffer to make others feel happy. Because of this, I can't go peacefully without pain I am going to have to jump at beachy head and leave a mangled corpse. Suicide should be legalised for people who have had medication and therapy and no improvement in the quality of their life. ",3.7990827067669137,5.0433392842105285,5.104962406015041,82.63473684210527,71.94736842105263,8.796992481203008,27.25563909774436,9.23628265651192,2.2168796992481203,372,13,75,8,7,124,71,95,0.207,0.612,0.181,-0.4592,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,12,6,2,3,0,12,16,5,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,2,7,3,13,12,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518892378979214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300563056699696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123361732493478,0.1031125859327304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480247584142417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552758443647981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226427520435715,0.2837508588484152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006387202849722,0.0,0.0,0.17359723166009394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910597543020196,0.0,0.0,0.1194760134219112,0.0,0.0,0.4480890198132571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290928441361253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040135160952186,0.1704639377792351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998807742653705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726767132475174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478298094998954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850232127360017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934383592437437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052640660984926,0.0,0.0,0.16305506345197626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmmoniaBologna,2018/04/09,My last message  I want to leave something good in this world. I hope you all recover. I'm sorry you feel like this but it will get better. There's so much in this world you can enjoy. Dogs. Friends. Food. Love. Experience it all for me. Please. Goodbye.,-0.9776666666666678,0.02966770000000452,0.43100000000000094,99.39383333333336,122.0,3.2666666666666675,16.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.5947333333333331,195,6,42,2,12,61,40,50,0.035,0.5379999999999999,0.428,0.979,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,8,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,7,4,7,3,5,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24246575489987354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681739137870561,0.0,0.0,0.13861982564025524,0.1958547198557448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315064927701329,0.0,0.21180967021323696,0.0,0.14323345310718574,0.0,0.0,0.22994624972749256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722954568332858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223471014014632,0.0,0.29028808949587004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393714495462308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474334853150293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015337544212184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30093730151588866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105611669907745,0.0,0.3068914651408253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170234585957113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccount9222,2018/04/09,"Obsessed with my weakness after being beat up by a girl I'm a 19 year old man, my little sister is 11. I had to look after her. I'm formely anorexic, 6'1 and 102 lbs. She's something like 4'10 and 95 lbs.

Anyway, I kept pulling her hair to mess with her, I kept doing it because she was getting really angry and it was funny. It got to the point where she threatened to beat me up if I did it again. I inevitably did it again and she pinned me, telling me to apologise. This went on for like 20 minutes and my arms didn't leave the floor for the whole time. I eventually apologised to her and she kept milking the apology (telling me to say it louder because she ""couldn't hear me"") until I was really embarrassed.

Not proud of this but when she let go, I stomped on her phone on the ground cracking the screen. She then wrapped her thighs around my waist and squeezed until I was submitting. She wouldn't let go and I threw up on the carpet.

I'm getting really insecure about my strength now. It felt like she had an insane amount of leg muscle. We've done body measurements before and her calves are larger than my thighs when tensed and her thighs are only a few inches off my waist size lol. I chalked it up to her being fat but storing it in her leg area. I'm not sure anymore. Here's some pics, is it muscle or fat? How much stronger is she? A lot, a little?

Her: https://imgur.com/a/mdEpJ

Me: https://imgur.com/a/1zeoI

My therapist says I'm not ready to go to the gym, I'm having really negative thoughts rn. I know this will come off as sexist, but I really hate the idea of a girl being stronger than me especially a child. Idk what to do, I'm paying for her phone replacement and she said she wants some really expensive phone (costs 4 times the amount as her old one) and she threatened to beat me up again if I didn't get it (I wanted to buy a cheaper one). I ordered it and now she's treating me like her bitch. The whole thing is just so typically pathetic of me, I'm really considering just driving into a tree tbh lol. I always knew I was weak from anorexia, but she's a girl... and a child.",2.2824355957767715,4.284114889411768,3.4030588235294097,90.07386726998492,77.7529411764706,6.711915535444947,22.89743589743589,7.702957570686157,0.9564395173454,1648,51,349,25,39,531,202,425,0.13699999999999998,0.7829999999999999,0.081,-0.9815,0,0,1,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,0,5,16,16,2,3,23,2,29,15,12,1,1,48,60,30,0,6,12,1,3,4,0,2,4,4,1,6,17,19,5,3,5,1,5,8,8,8,0,2,22,9,66,8,47,30,10,48,0,0,2,0,47,22,1,6,21,232,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257739886799056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103402214147226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904516610340247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356463698930563,0.0,0.09467423508918046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358499984829635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584081023369348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385781282343208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682723946680073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438658645879224,0.0,0.18969520613568627,0.0,0.08898494536745016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984641275408284,0.0,0.0,0.12539833100213948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255992226181463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114569594967637,0.0,0.0,0.11780848658529275,0.0,0.2275421842332429,0.0,0.2174244540595747,0.2230238980410488,0.0,0.0,0.09343054599809833,0.0,0.0,0.09458944292808463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178904840859336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334977268288197,0.0,0.15078558126041072,0.08461839531028262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517685101941712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4989329295416455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583392807124123,0.17695715262876574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565353727074289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486142133563517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944926367416176,0.0,0.0,0.12918166701989162,0.07391633276602927,0.0,0.0,0.0883281705326561,0.129753434139905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312482966565439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031393196217178,0.0,0.2484360788628181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164792068086469
suicidewatch,4Everlonley,2018/04/09,"Hey, fuck me and kill me? I’d just like to clarify I’ve lost my mind. I literally can do anything. Especially now that I know I’ve got total control over my death. I’d just like to be fucked hard not by any of you fine laddies and gents of reddit, but by my life. It’s got a boner and it’s going up my ass. Better load up with protection cause I’m gonna infect this mother fucker. And no you ain’t my dad so stop acting like it I’ve left the groceries on the table.",-0.7022435897435919,1.2516835192307705,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,88.80769230769229,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.38804871794871776,362,8,86,4,12,128,73,104,0.257,0.642,0.101,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,3,4,10,4,0,3,0,4,7,1,2,1,15,13,6,2,0,4,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,1,11,5,11,8,1,9,0,1,0,5,5,5,4,0,5,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535979449894808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858700699661388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997618385489197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320285932439877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533301013893093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176225431025158,0.0,0.0,0.12836595580494942,0.0,0.361294451147284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233330984514736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24988941121909264,0.0,0.12413111322894588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454061784061138,0.0,0.15953720619566286,0.33104300032609635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465615386694479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280622323529567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883571208737931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sick_of_talkin,2018/04/09,I hate myself I want to die. I'm a failure and a disappointment. I'm disgusted in myself.,-1.7023684210526326,-0.3670961052631547,3.03092105263158,81.79269736842106,115.31578947368419,6.110526315789473,20.539473684210527,7.1686216300943375,1.5944631578947366,70,3,14,2,4,27,13,19,0.68,0.27,0.05,-0.9538,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6699579472314642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6373269672642934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807501618372619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justcruising_,2018/04/09,"sorry everyone that is closest to me has left. I am alone, girlfriend left saying i was the problem she left shes happy. Family is mentally draining feeling as if i failed them. School i was never good at. I tried killing myself with pills but failed. i want to end it all. I'm not happy anymore. I wont amount to shit.",-0.13707692307692199,2.171659061538463,2.0126923076923084,92.20980769230772,96.84615384615385,4.446153846153846,20.346153846153847,6.2581,0.3853384615384616,249,9,50,3,10,83,49,65,0.214,0.593,0.193,0.1238,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,8,2,1,0,2,9,11,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,2,12,3,6,8,2,7,0,2,0,0,5,5,1,1,2,33,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139892295502836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327371969930425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367953541808966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765860315297782,0.0,0.0,0.17421468232939336,0.0,0.09344133858445057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500297506341384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934498873994973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044558019147876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023630623973217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623674024487405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253053447140754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683035668347802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469618022052659,0.0,0.18702927935398828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969638356455507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687047592544625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254682858942037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900088482708536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saphiremoonlight,2018/04/09,"Went off the grid Today I decided to delete all social media and cut myself off from everyone. I’ve been struggling for months and it’s only getting worse. I’m in college, but I’m doing rather poorly. Right now I have no money for gas to make it to school, it’s a 50 minutes drive and my car only gets 17 to the gallon. 

 Another thing is my boyfriend, we’ve been together for a few months shy of a year. Friday we celebrated his 20th birthday and we got drunk (including his parents). He started saying horrible things about me, he called me suicide watch and started going on about how bad my mental health was. I had to brush it off and pretend it didn’t happen because his parents were there. I talked to him about it the next morning, he felt bad but that doesn’t deflect the fact he did it. 

I’m just 18, I have no family nor a stable home. No money for food or gas, no one to help me live. I start a job at Walmart sometime next week and I know that’s going to take a toll on me as well. I really just want to kill myself, I’ve been depressed and suicidal since the age of 7. I think it’s time, it’s way overdue. ",1.6730952380952355,3.4300393376068388,3.4805006105006133,89.95576923076925,78.7008547008547,6.166544566544566,22.68131868131868,7.07126945348624,0.6983421245421244,871,27,187,10,21,292,139,234,0.235,0.706,0.059,-0.9935,3,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,2,0,0,0,10,7,2,1,11,0,13,3,0,2,2,25,32,14,3,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,13,10,2,0,4,2,3,5,7,6,1,1,11,4,24,1,27,21,2,27,0,1,1,0,17,8,0,1,13,114,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381565233882034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131067041706564,0.07779303455806287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303093759093951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991477504210484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194178164400075,0.0,0.0,0.12030424245763402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253059389846148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431279274602155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334733795969564,0.0,0.14505330527750654,0.0,0.10206552428310496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284968992323788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564897804661832,0.0,0.0,0.08553777098157013,0.0,0.12800843938558218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663838345096132,0.0,0.14118729854766454,0.0,0.0701339702911353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268654965218433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518412941408156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860609480994686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203722452221533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27144040191796803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647535457894467,0.1941142031536993,0.0,0.0,0.2834031296527221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175355766318676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898267388332328,0.0,0.10148472016316494,0.0,0.12915338402728024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556460284233353,0.0,0.0,0.13008761393319518,0.0,0.0,0.12621468474904374,0.0,0.27098006220841464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334111034708664,0.0,0.27918060733741634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595074000595308,0.1025722547100446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956372172160394,0.08177066005179066,0.0,0.0,0.07441344279268966,0.0,0.12096427724753095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527074469843269,0.1012949968022547,0.102365206756017,0.0,0.11474138062099487,0.11830055845877978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005077976908938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217999750283286
suicidewatch,cc28132,2018/04/09,"Help 23 y.o female. I have been battling with suicidal thoughts most of my life, but it has been intensifying over the past few months and I know that if I continue on this path I am going to finally give in. I have struggled with self harm and especially cutting but it is at the point now where it doesn’t even do the trick anymore because I just feel so... numb. The logical side of my brain knows that I have a good life- a dedicated husband, great job, loving family, decent home and two sweet pups. I have so much to live for... why would I ever think about killing myself.. right? Yet here we are... 

I have never had any big trauma happen in my life to make me feel this way. Just gradually over my life since my teens I have become more and more numb, emotionless, and hopeless. I feel like I have no one to talk to even though I have so many people in my life who would listen if I opened up. I just feel like they don’t understand and would judge me.  I’m from a very rural/conservative area in Virginia where you definitely don’t talk about these kinds of things and anyone who does just gets a “bless her heart, I’ll pray for her” kind of response (if that makes sense), yet everyone is shocked and heartbroken when a suicide rocks the community. 

My husband and high school sweetheart helped me through my depression in high school and I temporarily stopped cutting which was amazing because at the time I was severely into cutting. But now, it’s like he’s numb to hearing me say I want to kill myself and doesn’t really know what to say so he just doesn’t say much other than reassuring me that he loves me. And I think because I have been talking about it for so long he’s subconsciously thinking “yeah yeah okay I’ve heard this 100 times she’s not really going to do anything, I have nothing to worry about”. Definitely don’t blame him for anything because it would get exhausting listening to the same depressing shit over and over again. I guess that’s why I’m posting because I need to talk to people who I can relate to on these things. 

Anyways. I have made several appointments to get myself checked out by a psychiatrist but always cancel my appointments because I’m too scared and don’t know what to expect. Plus I am very anxious about talking to a stranger and honestly just want to go in, get prescribed some drugs and maybe get a formal diagnosis- I don’t want to do talk therapy because I honestly don’t think it would benefit me. 

I guess I’m looking for some advice on what I could expect if I were to go seek professional help, things that have helped you, and ways to get out of this rut of constantly thinking about ending my life.",4.899239709959481,5.990181090211134,5.342074536148433,82.53916853273621,69.1919385796545,8.70635529963745,29.059554275965024,8.998388855275968,2.2119724461505648,2112,76,420,38,36,675,243,521,0.17,0.6659999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.6186,1,0,1,0,0,4,49.0,1,2,1,0,32,38,8,2,15,3,44,16,3,3,2,80,91,33,4,16,15,2,4,3,1,5,11,7,1,1,30,25,0,1,16,1,1,4,12,20,0,2,10,13,60,18,64,75,9,54,2,3,1,2,40,29,1,9,21,278,90,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327213634549986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387649366324662,0.0,0.0,0.044031653716900696,0.0,0.0,0.07314812828228799,0.06421377477161955,0.04527412286760854,0.0,0.1065660944571312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762934373909462,0.07151036756468418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228148390080834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997084666740992,0.0,0.05169694094269255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153672484564237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666243213845167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508847690169806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734854314794832,0.0,0.0,0.08553242791656343,0.05856932826300111,0.0,0.061870603570831184,0.0,0.0,0.061039751860568474,0.0,0.13095649676484045,0.09251363529243707,0.0,0.07092954723355932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297260314473686,0.0621133007311351,0.14719377438102058,0.05430852904597213,0.0,0.07138618489954285,0.1426570140675635,0.0,0.057257474297985014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297701672577911,0.0767280743248436,0.17360000640907935,0.13682209924293182,0.06494869355007303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425355701476917,0.0,0.14327071918928125,0.1348525865488431,0.14233779478142514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744055079115921,0.09489951676606599,0.0,0.057174700478374425,0.057300975014648266,0.05437299255510479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687730189209307,0.06126722712505804,0.08644114314963038,0.0656454922761202,0.0650492408553237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168216713723968,0.0,0.09519617535575717,0.04801068669327279,0.04993854903824635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212857176783579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043875711094829385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181040616045375,0.08977783905416875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120889133586495,0.0,0.062011803400233885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295994840309869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529543460017178,0.0,0.15447340866421128,0.06482521147572481,0.13105922703854972,0.0,0.0,0.06754750216328506,0.14629625656457598,0.06646408917323532,0.05356117981479059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413320265831215,0.0,0.06768988761285008,0.0,0.14165015836544456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122575653548543,0.0,0.0,0.07404631509648536,0.0,0.12904940782224775,0.20744325790480367,0.06361572755836385,0.051403605827968615,0.07551151963333204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325052746894892,0.0674061660632931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684968725975033,0.11457220838335408,0.1027897494421961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685210376232233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575592180912952,0.0,0.22997975148735875,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JawjaBoi323,2018/04/09,"Gave it one last chance, this is the right decision I was going to end it a couple days ago even wrote a suicide note and packed all my belongings up. But I gave it one last shot. 

I went to a club for the first time with my only friend bad idea. I looked around and asked why anyone would love me a ugly, anxiety ridden introvert who can't keep a conversation over these 'perfect' looking guys who can make a girl laugh and the looks she wants. 

I then went to a church picnic with family feeling dead inside praying for death to take me while the pastor preached. After the service I saw everyone having fun and laughing talking with friends like it's nothing. 

Feeling and seeing everyone look at me like I'm a piece of useless trash.

I just need a girl to hold me and tell me she loves me and it will be alright, im pathetic I know.

I've lost 5 pounds in 2 days and lost my appetite completely 2 1/2 weeks ago. Now my teeth hurt. And sever stomach pain after forcing a couple bites.

Now I'm just waiting for the cold numbing grip of death like my first attempt to give me the courage to do it.",3.7958783783783794,4.897552225225226,4.4915202702702715,87.57349662162164,71.7927927927928,7.351801801801803,27.388513513513516,7.6454224807358475,1.4326027027027024,862,30,179,10,16,276,140,222,0.182,0.649,0.16899999999999998,-0.6564,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,6,6,20,0,0,17,1,9,6,2,1,2,31,38,12,4,3,3,0,3,3,2,2,2,0,0,3,10,13,0,3,5,1,0,4,1,7,0,4,9,10,22,13,22,26,2,27,4,4,6,2,19,6,0,0,20,103,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051431881582173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851926640341892,0.0,0.0,0.08090843228868974,0.0,0.0,0.10300809963256516,0.108174981637298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966145809677962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132169770791355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560659739966632,0.0,0.1492491714260927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248637469375384,0.0,0.0,0.07642660104990841,0.0,0.0,0.22113530743860785,0.0,0.0,0.10908285611122423,0.0,0.1170147998476484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684892073792104,0.0,0.0,0.17879741264514193,0.0,0.0,0.111001372707489,0.06576172421191151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457294682165955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387195364224955,0.13062462052631466,0.12498867948644632,0.0,0.0,0.10285002968219724,0.0,0.0,0.06359221947198522,0.18864124129354984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959292947428894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886753233711408,0.0,0.2526263572856069,0.0,0.20886896680193293,0.0,0.07723857398552215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857988879169498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102866325583358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568187200717216,0.08800409386733259,0.12312559154918727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881730761088928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220738180153144,0.0,0.0,0.1307214808220205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657000865932094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700092824673865,0.09300482071926827,0.1011372775243022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674725238867143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824986089925547,0.0,0.09281708517714664,0.0,0.0,0.2145321317455779,0.10441196787722766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219839489942847,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thelostones92,2018/04/09,"Tiniest notions Sooo my life has been turned completly upside down lately because of choices I made, i keep fucking up at every turn I don't know what to do anymore and all I want is for it to stop I'm tired of struggling and fighting ",3.017500000000002,4.763005750000001,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,74.83333333333334,5.633333333333334,30.75,5.985473137389443,1.5139,188,9,36,1,4,61,40,48,0.214,0.76,0.027000000000000003,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,2,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,8,13,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,8,11,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815744962693084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525357515701011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26235772395584983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082661799991995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23133036668149504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241280995899534,0.0,0.0,0.13751794013085808,0.0,0.28226639052275426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674237666583306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367703640401463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920055797376585,0.0,0.26159106726369435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875985513575265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443491541917899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759007254366874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wiiiiilber,2018/04/09,"I want to kill myself Ok, so I'm 22F and honestly, I just want to kill myself. I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, and I go to a therapist once a week, but nothing seems to be helping. Before I never really thought that I would act on these thoughts, but I am getting closer to really wanting to with every passing day. I've contemplated suicide in the past, but I have never felt so strongly about it as I do now. 

I am currently in university, and I am not doing very well in my classes. Three out of the four classes that I was taking were extremely hard for me this term and I am trying to just get through my exams now. I just want to be done... I only have 3 more semesters left, but I honestly don't know if I can do it. 

I have multiple diseases that cause me chronic pain and struggles. These will never be cured, and I am so sick and tired of living with them. People don't and can't understand what it's like. 

I also have ADHD and OCD that is currently under control with medications. 

I have no friends, but I do have a great boyfriend. He's honestly the only person that keeps me going. He is aware I feel this way, I just don't know if he understands how serious it is. 

My mom and I get along usually, but she is so hard to read and sometimes will absolutely snap at you for the littlest things. She doesn't know I am feeling this way again, because the last time I told her she freaked out at me. 

All I want to do is either lay in bed for the rest of my life (or until I am ready to face the world again), or kill myself. I want to end it all now because I honestly don't think things will ever get better. 

The only thing keeping me going honestly is the kids I babysit and my boyfriend. Without them I think I would have been gone from this world a long time ago. ",4.3841809635722715,4.5445056108108135,5.704994124559345,82.8132256169213,69.91891891891892,8.921269095182137,29.60047003525264,8.841846274778883,2.1454418331374843,1396,50,297,23,23,471,178,370,0.132,0.733,0.135,-0.407,2,0,0,0,0,4,41.0,0,1,2,3,18,19,3,1,13,1,45,8,1,3,6,68,77,31,4,10,17,1,5,1,1,5,7,0,1,2,20,19,0,3,13,1,0,6,12,7,1,2,9,5,54,12,39,60,6,46,0,0,0,0,16,15,0,5,24,223,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117537027038406,0.0,0.08200182460589517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397776996515963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076755921583261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278274929990692,0.0,0.07871659617313559,0.0,0.0,0.08181487476975646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950301140455852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037544041000624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596593261893663,0.0,0.07967609560645772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466672178271247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193369516758793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367782727611983,0.07794109039645274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354858115981204,0.0,0.08882117359044824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147063572204454,0.0,0.19332424133285805,0.0,0.1577214848717484,0.0,0.0,0.10198923271070856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573610382222412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062005454826979674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444884512969518,0.30703568359736844,0.0,0.15251819202749706,0.0754055063727564,0.0,0.0,0.1005090656947665,0.0,0.06534039054120208,0.04519422029723885,0.0,0.08168532665612913,0.08186573471524577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863820283925363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834301516589236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404117503677333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876290801827598,0.0,0.0,0.09851687661977783,0.0,0.21106709907454485,0.09843391100002373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883083457494351,0.06413266749333453,0.08077349563665186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253197803078864,0.0,0.11852463463706114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421484780735078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149173334659956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670834363292727,0.0,0.10118758262100767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955370951081087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107407692348384,0.18437250994830304,0.1185494293300218,0.0,0.1468803613566355,0.10788308632910933,0.10632312419513526,0.0,0.08839434961284656,0.0,0.06280614289011059,0.0,0.0,0.1926059829766835,0.0,0.0,0.10188332990551363,0.0763279171896949,0.3273779552565646,0.14685541314314865,0.0742034908149782,0.0,0.08317485259714427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891733932237039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314285582074599,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway49384234,2018/04/09,"No matter how hard I try, I can't make friendships. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm so fucking alone I've tried so hard to get over Aspergers. I've read countless articles and books on social skills, I do everything that I'm supposed to. When I talk to people, they seem genuinely interested and it seems like we're hitting it off great! ""Finally, a new friend!"" I think to myself.

And then I see them again. And they don't want to talk to me. They give me uncomfortable looks and terse responses. I have no idea what I've done wrong. Why don't they like me? What the fuck did I say or do that made them not like me?

If I killed myself I know that those people would care. They would feel guilty about not helping, or not trying to befriend me more. I know how they would feel. But it's like that's the only way to get someone to care about me

I don't want to die but I do but I don't but I do

What the fuck is wrong with me? why can't I be normal?",-0.4523188405797072,1.6456102028985526,1.4913739130434784,99.11775652173914,89.48309178743959,4.857893719806763,16.009468599033813,6.360717304075467,-0.5995211980676327,740,16,181,8,25,243,101,207,0.179,0.728,0.093,-0.9345,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,8,1,8,16,4,0,4,0,20,3,0,4,0,36,46,18,2,7,10,0,4,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,9,2,0,0,12,7,0,0,3,7,34,9,16,38,1,9,0,0,2,3,15,3,3,5,9,111,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832965914981468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329731742822349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857457970640572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691851860107312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026815007951392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553755449082045,0.08162099203018383,0.0,0.12515646998747154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827009845422107,0.3168698382036635,0.1193829440835342,0.10960004345129952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596221541468575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469304706764155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765800884094848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897555891691864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640188867449034,0.0,0.18836821150835886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326922014315104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594212956758072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081071312586206,0.0762634808781829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034440183019538,0.0,0.0,0.11194179737549198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689309218877027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841462207736798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428199467410415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085704190236008,0.0,0.0,0.09104331600123164,0.20801977853316464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646458472865096,0.09680456653776222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366137541152056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320747669958877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327069443456748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347764903739587,0.09068718674264377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061876522254534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24348206061410144,0.3747468508441971,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,auntymedusa,2018/04/09,I feel so empty all of the time I just feel like my life has amounted to nothing and I haven't achieved anything. I'm just treading water all of the time.,1.4827272727272742,3.247074242424248,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,79.30303030303031,4.4,26.15151515151515,3.1291,0.25389696969696995,122,5,27,0,3,39,24,33,0.068,0.85,0.08199999999999999,0.1045,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,7,5,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,3,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598858408623187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422550079805829,0.3124290854239953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088995533870029,0.2136576526381146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196305289434628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100220079654922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alone_n_afraid,2018/04/10,"Often we hear “I’m only hanging on b/c I don’t want my parents to suffer.” If you had mean parents, would you still hang on for them?",-0.5730000000000004,1.035966366666667,2.4700000000000024,95.165,85.33333333333334,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,101,3,24,0,3,36,26,30,0.122,0.833,0.045,-0.4939,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,4,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664941373991361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35420924039236645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473090793912721,0.0,0.0,0.7221333210277698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596839558932447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179573955982426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309939058137824,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onuha,2018/04/10,"Back again. I posted a couple times here about half a year ago. Managed to get to a point where I felt I didn't want to do anything to myself anymore. I was wrong.

Could really do with someone to talk to.",0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,2.0337674418604657,95.79902325581396,87.13953488372093,4.370232558139535,17.902325581395353,5.6839178017228535,-0.4421962790697673,158,4,35,1,5,52,32,43,0.116,0.884,0.0,-0.5142,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,5,0,8,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561320753807268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286555537290116,0.0,0.0,0.2377768988248991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218066722239949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069886080947224,0.3197118556213946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774322600601962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096169930354705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731461716129031,0.0,0.2767291862981517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185105397344722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448219379588825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322428345304469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684859997491225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042709215467552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159157105530264,0.0,0.1860709371721937
suicidewatch,throwaway3827294,2018/04/10,"I need to die, to escape, and I can't I have to die, I can't live anymore it's too much and I hate it. But I can't die because I have no access to anything that could kill me effectively. People who say they care are selfish as fuck. They don't care, they just want me to live for their own interests. If they cared they wouldn't be so okay with me living in such emotional pain. I'm sick of being in bed almost 24/7, I'm sick of being bored of everything and most of all I'm sick of other human beings. I don't give a shit how privileged my life is, I fucking hate it. Whatever, angsty edgy teen stuff. I'm done. I need to die but I can't. If I don't die I'll do something else but I've asked for help before and got the exact opposite, so to be safe I'm not saying it here. But it's getting difficult to think of anything else because it's my only other option

I can't talk to anyone except strangers by text (such as reddit and things like that) because of my selective mutism and it's impossible for me to be helped because of that so don't suggest a hotline or therapy please",0.9367715617715646,2.700536329059833,3.182113442113444,91.19293706293706,81.008547008547,6.1348873348873365,21.32012432012432,7.1686216300943375,0.5295965811965813,847,25,191,11,22,290,121,234,0.174,0.6890000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.8749,0,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,6,1,9,18,6,0,3,1,23,8,1,2,2,31,43,19,6,7,10,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,1,1,15,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,10,0,0,2,2,26,8,28,33,4,2,0,0,0,2,16,2,3,6,1,123,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539828295854516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043852758394944,0.07359716541714971,0.0,0.1732327869621158,0.0,0.0983997809913106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566513562573563,0.0,0.08956476630160737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321945308651216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403803482280334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5461934945854975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771302654346193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585510156362744,0.11839838713819392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459694967917444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461421909679946,0.05499170866499641,0.10097076605729463,0.0,0.0,0.08418252155604464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783623502470056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110122492564306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644973057171575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434514566669942,0.051422571298719286,0.0,0.2788278793001283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737497957967318,0.15609139289957444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005162960802853,0.11199938340168146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729709826845831,0.0,0.0,0.11553904519084512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740696141525555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804336462766616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103090604675844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049248404645653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460046723739564,0.0,0.0,0.12036895594028944,0.0,0.06992714611134823,0.06744354081176583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062082482137058186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__wolfman__,2018/04/10,"I’m just really sad but scared of actually ending it all. To make a long story short, I feel like shit and college doesn’t make me feel any better. Aside from this, I’ve never loved myself. Middle school dropped my self-esteem to the ground and now I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with me. I’m struggling with my sexuality and my parents are homophobic so I can’t imagine coming out going well for me. I tried talking to my mom about how I was literally about to end everything and kill myself last semester but I just got yelled at and called ungrateful. She told me that people go through tougher shit than I have and that her and my dad are too busy to deal with my issues now. I’m always there for my friends when they’re down and I don’t talk to them about my issues because I don’t want to drag them down. I feel like I’m at a dead end right now and just want this semester to end already so that I can have at least some of this weight off of my shoulders. I tried therapy for about 2 years a while back and it was working but my parents made me feel shitty for going because each meeting with my therapist cost $60, so they took me out of it because it was expensive. I want to end everything but I don’t want my family to have to pay for funeral expenses and have them traumatized for life. I don’t want to leave my friends behind because I know that my death would definitely take a toll on them. Last semester, I was in an even shittier place to the point where I actually walked around my campus looking for big buses or trucks driving around so that I could jump into them and get killed, but the guilt of scaring the driver and those around me at that moment was too much for me to handle. I do feel better now but I can feel myself sinking again. I just don’t know what to do right now and I’m lost. There might be grammar errors in this but I don’t care. I just want to talk to someone, please. I don’t know what to do and I feel like a lost cause; it really seems like I will only last 18 years if I keep this roller coaster of emotions up.",4.3773115773115805,4.636634268065269,5.239766899766898,85.79588966588967,69.95571095571097,8.406837606837607,27.077700077700076,8.285830014693849,1.5191746697746695,1627,48,355,22,27,532,195,429,0.187,0.7020000000000001,0.112,-0.9926,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,6,5,32,22,4,4,10,0,32,6,3,5,2,73,73,31,5,10,14,4,8,4,2,3,1,1,0,0,19,27,1,1,13,1,4,8,11,11,1,0,11,10,62,11,62,56,5,57,0,3,1,1,22,26,2,5,26,241,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.14664000302426702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829123003371789,0.0,0.0625175543715083,0.0,0.0,0.05109373528499744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253547967856936,0.0,0.0,0.20065572049396266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057773452161781536,0.0,0.18320409535764146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289993560215801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672027279087938,0.0,0.0766041786364573,0.07718337327085048,0.0,0.06472133736807803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059988430880946735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745991374532513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451570147054271,0.33273236810736034,0.0,0.0,0.049625336108766335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505129170007066,0.0,0.07082970227458762,0.0,0.2659302575711348,0.16102735621545347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160967722756472,0.0,0.0392544437912078,0.0,0.12810124834586048,0.0,0.06009156909007474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684087034428867,0.0,0.06678260215239219,0.1662494042902279,0.0,0.12387513857140785,0.18373285363797795,0.0,0.07955611796809399,0.0,0.0,0.05306940650818928,0.14682682052611454,0.0,0.0,0.0664912762031225,0.0630936849686691,0.0,0.16403539759729455,0.0,0.06781141996271665,0.07109366149407187,0.10030513308030847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970536124712985,0.0,0.08799609960298654,0.0,0.0,0.05523217700433914,0.0,0.05794801670366654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057142836095273875,0.0,0.0,0.16685495778802345,0.0,0.0,0.05208849493349985,0.0,0.07849909820122565,0.0824746323625466,0.07102596943349572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626560179224007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832814847676946,0.0,0.0,0.15044459679984049,0.07603967700165881,0.0,0.06839922374653394,0.07838120768489287,0.0,0.15424805981667228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366084276209327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854642983428757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649146039086143,0.18116972720984725,0.0,0.0,0.08592234229252182,0.0872364312507223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179381135888839,0.08347670197923293,0.1020221856845174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31021209473953354,0.0,0.0,0.0914930403156786,0.06755454057093804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054698488411525865,0.0,0.0,0.05337307846284407,0.0,0.0,0.0967677388119016
suicidewatch,lfjeifsnjdsbfhbah,2018/04/10,"Why live for other people? I've been depressed since I was 12. I'm now 19, I've dropped out of college, I don't do shit with my life. I've tried 5 antidepressants and therapy, none of which worked. Why should I keep living for other people, I'm probably going to kill myself sooner or later, so why not now? There's no guarantee that I'll get better, in fact, it's unlikely that I will given my treatment resistant depression.

Please don't respond with standard ""people love you!"" ""it gets better!"" etc. You mean well, but it doesn't help.",2.0095242141036533,4.347205738317759,3.642888700084964,86.27022939677146,80.4018691588785,6.507731520815634,21.876805437553106,7.686295010490155,1.0871009345794391,422,13,82,7,11,140,75,107,0.099,0.77,0.131,-0.3664,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,2,0,3,5,8,2,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,1,12,17,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,3,0,9,4,9,12,2,7,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,1,3,46,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29602890922135583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28829021299333524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866482877978587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748751814656798,0.0,0.09511334635816866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217646674801288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875538336841315,0.18515671052716906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820982794659005,0.0,0.0,0.2955601682145803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104703093617095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823018062118956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34807466839500184,0.0,0.0,0.18370870795456248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804401127337577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717904703646015,0.13844017706589115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138833402253502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136250224942769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047484310323392,0.0,0.4530433979791815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218385380486072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,divided_valley,2018/04/10,"My nearing end The suicidal thoughts and depression started around 6 years ago when I was in highschool. Childhood consisted of moving house alot. Overall it was good, and I don’t remember ever wanting to die as a child. I dropped out of highschool and went to college, college didn’t work out it lasted a few years til I dropped out again. Now I have zero qualifications. I feel useless for society sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. Parents are divorced. I’ve never had a good healthy relationship with either of my parents. They constantly show they’re not interested in understanding my depression and I’m always arguing with them. My mental health has never been important to them. I have alot of emotional pain from the bad relationship I’ve had with my parents. I don’t feel I belong in my family because I always put emotions first, and nobody in my family does that. I feel completely out of place and lonely. 

I’ve been to counselling on and off for many years and I’ve tried medication. I’m currently talking to my psychologist once a week and I constantly lie to her about the suicidal thinking because I don’t want anyone to interfere when I do it. I say I don’t think about killing myself when all I think about is killing myself. I want it to be permanent. I’ve cut all ties with all of my friends. It broke my heart to have to distance myself from friends who have been there for me and listened when I needed a kind ear. 

I have no hobbies/purpose. Depression is driving me insane and draining me of energy, and I’m afraid of what it might do to me if I keep living. I can’t sleep. I feel nauseous all the time. Head hurts. I don’t have any motivation to live anymore. As long as I’m alive, I give my mind the chance to mentally destroy me. I won’t have to feel a thing when I’m gone. If I stayed alive for other people even though I want to just end it, what could I possibly do for them in my state of mind? I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to be of use to anyone? I’m never going to find a partner to start a family with if I keep distancing myself away from everyone. It’s futile to keep existing. I’m going to die anyway so if I can at least control when, then I will. 

Whoever read what I typed, thank you and I appreciate that you read it. ",2.975723684210525,4.95559723026316,4.563456140350876,82.64952631578949,75.60087719298245,7.8056140350877214,27.84736842105263,8.623443432112703,2.2029878947368418,1811,75,353,37,40,607,214,456,0.16699999999999998,0.746,0.08800000000000001,-0.9917,4,2,0,0,1,3,43.0,0,2,4,4,20,23,5,1,15,0,38,7,4,4,8,69,75,31,6,10,7,3,5,0,3,3,3,3,1,2,17,23,0,5,13,3,0,7,13,15,0,2,11,8,65,8,68,58,9,60,0,7,0,0,23,17,0,7,31,251,82,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850920570264807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286159671163968,0.0,0.0,0.052556999736573115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664675429760183,0.10808006798587112,0.0,0.0,0.06880075473257773,0.0,0.0,0.07261256078285135,0.0,0.0645304215150735,0.09422542252726944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879803216498947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103269934613233,0.16703700449276287,0.08668260550553457,0.0617064289471337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996984597496718,0.0,0.16042093385973047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763333146924587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387226340556355,0.13690457262851702,0.0,0.0,0.05104654733594343,0.06990943810289585,0.0,0.07384990162941983,0.0,0.0,0.21857454478651786,0.0,0.19539013371562491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063782843315702,0.0657392688699827,0.0,0.0,0.11942164721121515,0.0,0.0,0.07413958946790461,0.08784661156616021,0.12964733803160636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931753604457145,0.08215119993998328,0.0,0.09158405468951836,0.0,0.0,0.07752396700221477,0.0,0.0,0.08917744593121017,0.08273605601099096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608553186528608,0.17101059158719487,0.08048127605304284,0.0,0.06299824878326091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648956894967526,0.06839550810680363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835567890421967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778573207595621,0.15577183345386475,0.08198802899616732,0.15607326890366274,0.0,0.0,0.08214258293671832,0.0,0.057306447405188275,0.17882273912691227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415781726096039,0.0,0.0,0.0823068632675467,0.0,0.0,0.08223754885000419,0.0,0.25745023113683,0.0,0.0,0.05358024813077783,0.0,0.08074721999615593,0.0,0.0,0.08712813620230611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776935836021826,0.0,0.0,0.15461344543127334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595206893982425,0.08754975458490721,0.0,0.0,0.061460776609111034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734162296466422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094065854914737,0.08237638820756134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907626008697246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810930933743892,0.06211940499901049,0.0,0.07115438840276966,0.0,0.0,0.051345256729217366,0.14856487545738334,0.07593291403551161,0.06135629870568522,0.04506597620649863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247199051152776,0.0,0.0,0.08045725183998971,0.0,0.06675012379500743,0.0,0.0,0.18234068804343745,0.0,0.06199401343238446,0.0,0.0,0.07164471838202087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626498875058037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930857946314302
suicidewatch,ThrownFlower97,2018/04/10,"I wish I could The only thing keeping me from suicide is how much of a fucking coward I am. I wish I could so bad. If I never do my next best option is moving far, far away where I can be a whole new person and leave all the trauma and people behind.",4.17884848484848,3.1113696727272715,5.934545454545454,85.16848484848488,70.45454545454545,7.333333333333332,23.787878787878785,3.1291,0.34124242424242324,192,3,43,0,3,67,42,55,0.247,0.601,0.152,-0.7172,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,2,12,12,5,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,4,9,4,8,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,3,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988633412346532,0.0,0.17672886199599128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212612643709448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379896399132025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567803427701014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813483968892125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411941161032065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249631237946676,0.15559586526248065,0.0,0.16324672117384267,0.20442440119271205,0.2251048530706072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097842793880354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467397245406699,0.18481502427980528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315237862558292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061877448804486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363129746904881,0.4868015241119005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BabyGingerSpice,2018/04/10,"i'm only 15 and i'm about to kill myself i'm fifteen. 

i have a narcissistic mother. at first, everything was fine. then when i was 8 we moved halfway across the united states with my other scapegoat brother, my golden child brother, and my enabler dad. i was badly bullied at school. i was shoved against bathroom doors and called names. i have autism(but it's pretty mild, i can pass for nuerotypical sometimes), a severe stutter and a math learning disability. i failed math because of the bullying and the disability(and the fact that i couldn't focus because our class was so fucking loud). mom screamed at me, called me ungrateful and stupid, she threatened to lock me out in the garage. she created rules that only me and my other scapegoat brother(who has adhd) had to follow. we were humiliated and emotionally abused as our golden child brother was treated with respect. i still wonder every day what i did wrong, because it wasn't just math. i got bullied for the next six years as her abuse and gaslighting continued. she'd say i was overreacting. i stopped speaking at 10, began thinking about suicide at 12, and became a bulimic cutter at 13. i also attempted at 13. 

on february 21, i tried to kill myself again. the only thing that keeps me alive is the song ""hold on"" by derek hough. but i don't think i can hold on any longer. 

- jenna",3.608809523809523,6.2299839761904785,4.215009523809524,82.79665714285716,76.30158730158729,6.412952380952383,27.93714285714286,7.554174236665415,1.8516855238095244,1070,45,187,15,25,339,154,252,0.18,0.777,0.043,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,2,3,39.0,4,0,0,4,8,12,4,0,12,0,20,1,0,0,1,28,31,17,3,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,9,15,0,4,4,1,0,3,3,9,0,2,13,5,36,3,28,16,0,28,0,1,0,1,21,13,1,1,11,124,45,7,0.0,0.33809372817045524,0.0,0.0,0.17146794809490018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140973615802884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702407589555112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912789059557978,0.26092056031732663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913748046984285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201374568428178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160490474773557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021006820176085,0.0,0.12822733259381944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135951146619105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190098773927786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411044676136872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268163351846125,0.3156980935034812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709955141799088,0.0,0.1516412322060837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517367678729105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255329152548473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515204190453895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346110098009035,0.0,0.14439498994015484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118244378711868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110948986662622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139406546320037,0.11928291399088115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606358784783236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478710943816457,0.1828411036149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686714263178108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472524380008132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559930098072741,0.0,0.09187819585274702
suicidewatch,bean8109,2018/04/10,"It’s been on my mind more and more. Like an echo. I feel like I want to buy a gun but scared that when I go into the store, they will see right through me and start an interrogation.  ",1.7216666666666676,2.5596285000000023,2.8850000000000016,98.1266666666667,76.5,6.333333333333334,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.6199166666666662,140,2,38,1,3,45,34,40,0.13699999999999998,0.741,0.122,-0.3862,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,2,4,5,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178748251479714,0.2851037409388768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268070840924604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899419029100879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029583201186811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34081322632100164,0.0,0.0,0.3995499742380967,0.0,0.3180161050950287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824717788590541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353884744626621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mxfox2106,2018/04/10,"Snowball Effect The Curdy sweat all over from under the duna awakens me early, A ritual which does not cease, caused by this bloody Strattera for ADD which gives nothing but issues. The bright rays from my phone show ""3:30"", great I recall. Taking a drowsy piss and attempting to fall back to sleep with the aid of music to be abruptly awoken
by my obnoxious mother, who, with the distortion created from the door recalls the same gurble of words over and over until I have to almost scream so she discerns me, I wake and ask for a shower, or if my little sisters birthday is urgent, She states I can have a shower. The shower,
the only time where time is not a thing, worry is not a worry, all that is needed is to refresh and get on. The sweet idea of a shower is soon gone as my mother is yet again profusely spouting because, I am taking a shower? It seems obsurd but I conform, scurry to the safety of my room where
a card has been left for me to write a message, only recieving this in the morning. Snatching a pen lingering on my desk I haul to get the generic birthday message printed on the overly enthusiastic card, but where my pen goes ink does not follow,
A wave of heat coarses through my mind, hurling the damn thing on the wall out of anger I wonder, How can something so simple be so disappointing? What have I done where things just always bite a part out of me, one piece at a time. Mum is once again pounding on the door, claiming My other sister needs to get to
uni. Simply a pen, has broken me. With mind racing in anger, I leave the card blank, My little shit of a sister only gives a damn about the money anyway right? I exit and the wall of safety breaks away as I am exposed to the ridicule and mockery of my own family, The thoughts, my own of
death and freedom give way once again, How can I keep living as a rock for people to dump shit on and get moving. It just doesn't seem fair, I have nothing to outweigh the burdens of others. Back in the present, My anger is seen as unjustified, therefore I am in the wrong. Why do I have to hold on where others can break down?

This is my morning, variations will occur. But this is my life. I have not mentioned nor stated any other events which have or did occur prior throughout my life. Please help.",5.286773729626077,5.7337177852349015,5.656653084052415,82.94131711409398,68.01565995525725,7.549025247682966,27.14996804090764,7.021680442328713,1.3058840524129116,1778,50,342,13,28,569,225,447,0.16399999999999998,0.741,0.095,-0.9888,5,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,2,21,17,10,0,43,0,35,8,6,5,2,51,55,26,1,3,14,6,0,0,0,1,2,1,8,0,19,14,0,2,7,2,1,4,7,14,0,1,6,4,40,3,66,46,7,59,1,1,2,0,19,34,5,7,16,252,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048919715933104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716037281682754,0.0,0.0,0.07123357688595443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792708896963784,0.0,0.09841605223541518,0.16109253408770355,0.0,0.06385461416985211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107607081837699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333482281771896,0.10719559563290107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874895649423356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189101598713947,0.30145717067901834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548722024684553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021170203741876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182499746456634,0.0,0.10933176185114823,0.0,0.093106593176862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091510171291576,0.11381115729756255,0.0,0.1479760141906509,0.0,0.2099739929833036,0.09249614944383636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153523328986376,0.0,0.0,0.11133264886811704,0.0,0.1553415624087735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102085750824167,0.0,0.0,0.2231106152252676,0.07098129586034194,0.2390012348345215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343401807039885,0.0,0.07262044530552461,0.0,0.0,0.11498401971921092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945590863696619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907208911820928,0.0,0.0,0.2150486936837148,0.0,0.0,0.10482562691081676,0.0,0.0,0.08064165047716931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751789391424129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877369206472832,0.0,0.0,0.08315978163128672,0.18324166317349586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314565661166876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452056208422606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359688251291568,0.0,0.21275737413875787,0.0,0.0,0.1145276567203813,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SimilarTonight,2018/04/10,"Editing My Suicide Note? Hey! This may sound like a trolling post but I really want someone to edit my suicide note or at least read over it and tell me their thoughts (if it's too honest, sounds harsh, whatever.) Obviously couldn't ask friends and this site is what I thought of. It's really long so if you're interested just reply and I'll send a link to the google doc. I'll return the favor for anyone. ",1.5634823848238495,3.9692771097560993,2.9291869918699187,90.2896612466125,82.78048780487805,6.083468834688348,22.52574525745257,7.3871296695380915,0.8963046070460701,321,11,67,5,9,104,64,82,0.173,0.6629999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.4382,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,7,8,2,4,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,5,6,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,4,3,36,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659326034894374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361060788739074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951243964800866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338626725222784,0.0,0.0,0.2235044073322011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418791541160886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526246784565436,0.0,0.3235881081500717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139901614813932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525112737765419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220745367023125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010030353717787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896426878668173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Matiseba,2018/04/10,"What is really the point? I'm beginning to seriously consider giving everyone the middle finger and taking my life, it's mine after all. 
I didn't ask anyone to bring me here, nobody asked me if I wanted to be born, I was forced into a meaningless life because my mother just wanted to have me.

Thing is, recently I've been thinking about the future and what do I want for myself, and I just don't see what's the point of continuing. I have many hobbies, in college studying what I liked since childhood, relatively good financial situation, I know a lot of people, only thing missing is a girlfriend and I would pretty much have everything I hoped for in life.

So what's the point? See, I don't need anything else, I'm bored of life, what is there to live for? 
Knowledge? Experience? Money? When I die, it goes with me. I already gave up on trying to find a girlfriend, so having kids in the future to ""keep my legacy"" isn't a thing.
Having fun? What for? Same thing, it goes with me when I die.
Helping the human race? We showed ourselves that we just simply do not give a shit about eachother or the planet, no matter what.

I will probably find a job and give money to my family for a while, just to help with debts, and then just finish it. 
Now I'm not sad or anything, I actually feel pretty calm now that I reached this conclusion. I just don't see the point of living a life I know has no meaning for me.

So what's your take on life? What is your own meaning? What keeps you from giving up, knowing that no matter what you accomplish, you will end up just like everyone else?",3.0789304029304034,4.79115426666667,4.493730158730159,84.42359890109891,74.58730158730158,7.258852258852258,23.86141636141636,8.012643519586192,1.2979621489621491,1234,37,245,19,26,410,155,315,0.091,0.772,0.13699999999999998,0.8843,3,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,2,5,0,2,18,11,1,0,18,0,24,8,2,0,1,48,56,16,2,7,12,1,2,2,2,3,6,0,0,2,24,12,0,2,11,1,3,1,10,5,0,0,4,5,38,6,35,48,5,31,0,2,3,0,21,14,1,5,18,176,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0868296026332903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818933364994384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062215421857084716,0.0,0.1464424731474111,0.0,0.16636466500631236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424010663059976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469004064829692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865924886493107,0.0,0.07880801612153453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700444076174784,0.07996760605282538,0.08703746718790319,0.0838804524863374,0.0,0.04498990358673327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626483912135121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414228670292658,0.0,0.07463044739515612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928003182653366,0.0,0.0,0.08837513893450938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829684381035623,0.15817530518598585,0.0,0.0,0.1466997931869809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37708636530740336,0.0869402224445002,0.0,0.15713824518329858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564583519033002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020963270603384,0.0,0.19384605236173266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540900004025067,0.0659759910756294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767170825372627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061686077790021276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33645153166201563,0.0,0.0,0.1810450403979604,0.09593323365235693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700152603987268,0.0,0.08785494941380538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271161712726064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133454353939986,0.07360344466716306,0.10001489620879317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380062620705266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364518725644159,0.05701345044141817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041015862022608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744442578186413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320735268229978,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shivvyshubby,2018/04/10,"Trying to help a suicidal friend I’m not sure if this was the right place to post this, but it seemed appropriate. A person I met online a few weeks ago has been saying some very concerning things about wanting to kill himself. He’s bulimic and eats less than 1000 calories a day, and a couple of days ago he started uncontrollably shaking due to low blood sugar (at least, that was his assessment). I’m not certain on all of the details, as he doesn’t want to talk about his personal life beyond the obvious cries for help he makes on a daily basis, but I have made a few educated guesses- everything from here on should be taken with a grain of salt. He lives with his parents (who don’t appear to like him very much by his account), has no job, and essentially no education. He feels like a leech with nothing to contribute and genuinely believes the world would be a better place without him. He said his parents would get over his death in a year and would have more freedom and money without him leeching. He used to be extremely overweight and lives in fear of becoming that way again. Unfortunately I can only talk to him online (and he doesn’t like to show his face at all and he hates his voice). I don’t know much about him or what his specific thoughts are but I want to help him any way I can. I genuinely believe he may do it.",5.731363636363637,6.014520166666667,6.176060606060606,80.17159090909092,67.03030303030303,9.47878787878788,31.272727272727273,9.354420925462401,2.5789136363636365,1060,39,211,19,16,343,151,264,0.17,0.7170000000000001,0.114,-0.9559,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,2,3,15,0,23,6,2,3,5,44,43,15,3,8,9,2,1,3,1,5,2,3,0,2,9,12,3,0,4,1,2,2,10,6,0,0,8,6,23,7,37,27,10,28,0,1,0,0,41,14,0,7,12,137,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975406210536977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577187811623089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305862709576912,0.0,0.2510725129873956,0.0,0.0985451314719058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328810912066025,0.12239360747316455,0.14371802583335824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401417363295108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014035925400447,0.0,0.0,0.12538254289150294,0.05633912693350303,0.07960105180852374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608560745744855,0.0,0.058214239258040625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227456723730079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000775031309053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405469843090556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105707435373625,0.0,0.12327371964987245,0.0,0.061235504047009816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870179346272921,0.16330784812035226,0.0,0.19677818434135036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543171728427414,0.07437612728644169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381835310035447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069139623461618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474267907162011,0.0,0.0,0.24744547358069705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458160314636785,0.23282792177787076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067130214826946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515515719319992,0.10598937226998292,0.08860852973907045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143587302940783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886620718956465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187934847756553,0.0,0.10501543715944038,0.0,0.0,0.17911615989610566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402489781062446,0.0,0.0,0.08845790304797507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564931958604125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623422702569227,0.0,0.1838723008646759,0.1971616025359216,0.17688575624273006,0.08937730184902108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481677466978816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374564145731267,0.0,0.0,0.07175315398198764
suicidewatch,UnsociaBull,2018/04/10,woohoo nitrogen arrives tomorrow. woohoo,12.79,13.523241000000002,8.985000000000003,35.097500000000025,139.0,17.0,62.5,8.841846274778883,13.757,35,3,2,2,2,10,4,5,0.0,0.312,0.688,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaysanol,2018/04/10,"I gave up on everything, why live? I am 18 and I already gave up on everything. I don't get why I should live, I am wasting my time on doing nothing, I am in bed all day or playing video games, I stopped eating, what can I even do anymore? I'm boring. I'm not important to anyone. I have 1 friend, which I had feelings for and they rejected me yesterday. I didn't feel happiness for at least 5 years... I tried making new friends but I keep on driving people away because I'm depressed and boring as hell. Hell, even my dog hates me. I am considering killing myself, but I don't want my family(and that friend) to feel bad that I did it, I don't have anymore hope in my life, I don't think I'll ever be happy in any way. I am suicidal for at least 3 years now and I harm myself for around 2 years now, 2 years ago I was in an abusive relationship which is what got me to start self harm, my brother, until 2 months ago, used to hit me whenever he wanted to. I'm about to drop out of highschool(last year) because I can't get myself out of my room, I have a therapist for 3 years now and nothing changed in a good way. And meds don't help. I just think I'm worthless and nobody cares about me, but people WILL care if I kill myself, right? Maybe that's the only option for me.",1.8716969696969696,3.217170903703704,3.6622895622895615,90.66484848484848,77.0,6.686868686868688,24.124579124579125,7.348242739294969,0.8734074074074076,984,32,223,12,22,331,141,270,0.302,0.635,0.063,-0.9974,0,1,0,0,1,2,38.0,0,0,1,0,10,23,5,0,4,0,25,2,0,2,2,33,51,14,3,5,7,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,8,10,1,2,5,3,0,1,8,13,0,0,7,3,43,10,35,40,3,43,2,3,0,0,12,19,2,4,20,138,51,0,0.0,0.12014796859340918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797782677205079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119025902601712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895866236019642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011323963356013,0.0709045127524504,0.0,0.0,0.09027166770383578,0.0,0.0,0.0952730385530256,0.0,0.08466867537194121,0.123630708190583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677766698817687,0.0,0.1072727097747096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539763210906617,0.0,0.08733970564499352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376230732688316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395367467841038,0.0917263421065097,0.0,0.0,0.1822719825377127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381976513434764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503502168539986,0.0,0.10595952401742056,0.0,0.0,0.08505343773455981,0.08110258920125626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589434322736076,0.0,0.10011613146514088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796942209268372,0.0,0.0,0.10071773168999157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013314230549843,0.22437851674155967,0.0,0.0,0.08265835167347786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162512712451452,0.0,0.0,0.17908438739016774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768841391706353,0.0,0.10187463468372092,0.0,0.11263774375255207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094025122413705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793727559385183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946010581844203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712283156864977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406024795382191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887068085465597,0.0,0.08659904597655355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578720083739973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177475718461196,0.0,0.0,0.08477885633347933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109202655298157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773865376198925,0.0,0.12995205379048305,0.0,0.0,0.05912988665131165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884712398325736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758108857721034,0.0,0.0,0.1196222197265514,0.16098063614523986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830039094428045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39180775045325206
suicidewatch,annielillian1999,2018/04/10,I don’t know if I can go on. So my birthdays tomorrow and it just means another year of suffering. I think about suicide every day but I don’t have the courage to go through with it. The emotional pain is so unbearable and all I want to do is self harm. I need some light on my life I’m turning 19 and I feel so alone. ,-0.9215396825396844,1.1425913857142866,1.6033333333333353,97.42055555555555,92.28571428571428,5.968253968253968,22.063492063492063,7.3871296695380915,0.8108730158730162,247,10,61,5,9,84,49,70,0.226,0.675,0.099,-0.8951,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,15,17,8,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,9,1,8,17,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727264155148705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761203664739953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698235444159602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962064099049229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186358901803335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314558378699104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29930857199034977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471713316489665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599500570973312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28683931003263324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525296005036016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801975269329934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27470654243396864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880360042458078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687287266152707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864231712619115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531655114812254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695733692637041
suicidewatch,oscoot122,2018/04/10,"Suicide does seem like a relief I used to have suicidal thoughts because I couldn't be straight when I was a teenager, I discovered later on that the constant low-mood status I was in is called ""depression"", I'm in my early 20s and I still have suicidal thoughts, I have lost my appetite most of the time, I used to be passionate about my major, living in an Islamic country while being gay _and_ atheist kills part of me every day and the fact that I'm not doing well in university makes it hopeless for me to get out, I feel like I'm in a well-sealed box chocking and the only way to end my suffering is death ",9.278225806451609,5.861710370967742,9.307806451612905,72.50170967741937,62.225806451612904,12.500645161290322,40.92903225806453,10.355215969177356,4.053898709677419,482,20,97,8,5,160,80,124,0.241,0.675,0.084,-0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,0,8,0,12,2,0,3,1,16,24,6,5,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,5,1,15,5,15,15,3,18,1,4,0,2,1,8,0,2,11,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255857874177976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717935862242402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180950871410734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085019781953249,0.0,0.14490632966152053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722944540896296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901220939569668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141750888433988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506805860484798,0.12019190407844685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789934431686673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861345139407348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438879278256918,0.0,0.14856050340878746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836556896621753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230264115154713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795539409236942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218936603898694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316092494092642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343580389267272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520873391194513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671302339998552,0.09810308821935512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290613621828975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354243043364647,0.0,0.0,0.30253898658692074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ritzy09,2018/04/10,"I have to kill myself today... Today me and my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend idk) fought again, he doesn't understand how I feel and how he makes me feel, all the shit he does makes me feel like I'm not a priority, that his friends matter more than me, that I'm not enough... I'm tired, had to go to work and pretend that I was okay, when all I wanted to do was cry... My parents don't want me to kill myself but I feel like a burden... I really love my boyfriend but he thinks that I am my past(had a few partners before him so he thinks I'm going to cheat on him)... I changed for him, I did everything for him... I really want to end everything... I can't go on pretending that I forgot him or that I'm okay... In my job I deal with lots of people so can't really look like I'm sad... I'm just so tired... I'll have to end this today... For myself...",0.6064549180327852,1.9829613224043712,2.7984938524590177,95.370199795082,80.5846994535519,6.323633879781423,19.087773224043715,7.1686216300943375,0.03434453551912586,634,14,159,8,16,216,85,183,0.093,0.775,0.132,0.8318,2,0,0,0,0,2,48.0,0,0,0,1,8,14,5,0,4,2,12,4,1,4,2,30,38,13,2,3,7,1,4,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,7,2,0,3,6,7,0,0,6,5,32,7,17,32,6,13,0,1,1,1,17,3,1,3,10,95,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883038182979526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352973897836526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404881452406833,0.0,0.1318555306218639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192296598145313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265564255395941,0.13215112810283472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298900020316075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586729686549248,0.1827383694077156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881241000487836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805934524405526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691740196360513,0.0,0.28299674448810946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874511027114372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740073036725616,0.0,0.0,0.1087329111371666,0.1154314577576674,0.0,0.17074362605004775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201377159005887,0.0,0.12209154681345988,0.08866723194828498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458010483980482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128377499482946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639016457382557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29399610161096706,0.3636923825217697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314462063343904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630975934773026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311007287496358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ultimotramonto,2018/04/10,"So yeah, fuck this shit Boy did my life go exactly opposite of how I imagined it.

I don't even know how to phrase it correctly lol.

I turned gay, I don't know how, but it did. I went from straight to gay. Not born.

I remember having my first sexual fantasy at 7/8 years old about a girl in my class. I remember being fascinated by breasts when they were shown on movies (like Titanic, Friday the 13 (2009),etc...), or even when the nudity was implied (Charlie's Angels). I was so fascinated with this I remember drawing girls either nude or in sexy outfits. I was looking foward to grow up cause I really wanted to have sex. I thought about holding and licking breasts so much as a kid. (There are way more memories than just this, but just to give an idea)

Now I'm not sure if those memories are even real. For the past 3 years I've been reliving those memories as a way to prove myself that I'm not gay, because I really don't want to be. It's not that I live in a hostile environment, that my parents are homophobic, that my friends won't accept me, or that my faith condemns it. No, the exact opposite: my parents are open minded, my friends are too (and some of them are gay), and I'm an atheist. It just isn't who I want to be. I don't care about not having a traditional family, I care about who I have sex with, who I cuddle during a movie. I would rather have everyone think I'm gay and be straight.Even if being gay was the norm, I would choose to be straight (straight guy). I would rather be a lesbian, I just need to be with women.
Nowadays, the fantasy about women come and go, but for the past 3 months I haven't been able to get an erection by thinking or looking at women. And if I think about it hard enough I can get an erection about a man. I keep testing myself with porn, and I've got precum by watching gay porn.

I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for the past 3 years, and their intensity comes and goes. But lately, man they are strong. 
I just feel hopeless, I keep rewatching the movies that remind me of my sexual awakening, how much I wanted to be with a woman, and cry, just cry my lungs out.

I've decided that I will do it in a few years, I've decided where and how. That idea gives me some kind of peace. I wish so much reincarnation was a things, just to get the life I wished for.
",2.7324119090098087,4.227872502118643,4.079210526315791,87.93991971454064,75.03813559322035,7.765031222123105,25.55664585191793,8.452757503120043,1.5495118644067791,1799,62,391,33,38,593,204,472,0.115,0.789,0.096,-0.804,2,0,0,0,0,1,74.0,0,0,4,2,34,15,3,1,25,2,45,21,5,6,5,93,83,35,1,15,26,2,2,1,2,5,2,0,0,11,25,21,0,3,19,2,0,6,13,5,0,1,15,6,52,10,50,54,9,37,2,1,3,17,24,14,2,9,16,262,77,2,0.08754479485187812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053366494380296566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851550581242914,0.08993261963648283,0.0,0.15082417803799386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923276927158318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045717528076642,0.09763558768125216,0.23129004538016476,0.0,0.0,0.08365280313073267,0.0,0.0,0.0825294412991341,0.0,0.044265278703876636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446555777872835,0.0,0.0,0.1352737826766158,0.08093375216253093,0.1372156260958463,0.16796188878012702,0.0995074487698228,0.0,0.07001756981225513,0.0,0.0,0.08668311067639907,0.0,0.0,0.07842294063714822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765483479743406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562767220939494,0.0,0.09116443208223994,0.09622465951283128,0.0,0.09875434177577952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367095522209695,0.04276996470623319,0.0,0.07730365774920159,0.0,0.1470311579111647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839528658469369,0.0,0.06987742002470741,0.0,0.193066491747986,0.0649133561065999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918635355774464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441626891006653,0.0,0.2507142377584018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964514253615572,0.11216687458940404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975135601880452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986347386294655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152082759200236,0.0,0.09575979647277952,0.0,0.08250993309780487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058160871688352586,0.1682855089115972,0.0,0.1390015765278261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522359767816396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065447528442408,0.13897796655727454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115490190145917,0.0,0.0,0.20134438722457956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656793143970676,0.0,0.0,0.2255039104630564
suicidewatch,Xconstantxdeclinex,2018/04/10,"Attempting to dehydrate myself to death.. again. The will to live doesn't exist in my life, and hasn't for a very long time, but it is getting worse lately. I'm a 32 year old female with 3 kids, no money, no friends or family, and no way out of this hell I'm trapped in. That is, of course, the shortened version of a life that really isn't a life at all.

Recently, I found my narcissistic husband cheating on me and kicked him out. Of course, being narcissistic he will never contact me again and never loved me in the first place. But when he went, he abandoned me with 3 kids and no way to support them, so I've resorted to selling everything I own just to get by. All furniture, all electronics, everything. Gone. I have nothing left to sell, and live in the middle of no where with no business within 65 miles to apply for a job at, and a crappy vehicle that can't transport me anyway.
The thing that gets me about all of this is, I have good credit. I have always taken care of my bills, I have always treated people as well as I could and if I ever did treat them poorly I feel awful and apologize. I've been a slave for years and only stayed because I didn't know what else to do, but I couldn't take it anymore. Because I stand up for myself, and try to improve my life, it gets worse?
So I sit around all day wondering if I'll get to eat tomorrow, or if my kids will be taken from me, or if my kids would be better off with someone else. I keep looking for just a small break, or anything at all to indicate that things will get better, but they don't. The number of times I have thought about being a prostitute would disgust you.
I have a gun, but will not shoot myself because I do not want my kids to find me all bloodied and be traumatized for life. So I decide to dehydrate myself to death, try, make it three days with no water or food (didn't want to risk getting water from the food and surviving) and I can't take it any more. I drink like 3 oz of water, but can't get up out of bed for the next 2 days. I was almost there, I know I was. One more day. I can do one more day, and I'm going to try again. This is all a shortened version of a horrible life filled with homelessness, starvation, rape, and torture at the hands of others. I just can't do it anymore, I believed once that things had changed and life crushed me harder than it ever had before. I feel like I lack emotion now, where there was so much. Money is always the problem, and money is not going away any time soon.",4.600684622611965,4.5447213553398065,5.553109927967429,84.8389226432822,69.4271844660194,8.509238960225494,27.875039148136548,8.155646560271837,1.6237259630441585,1938,58,416,24,31,640,222,515,0.193,0.718,0.08900000000000001,-0.9964,1,1,1,2,0,1,67.0,0,1,3,5,24,21,5,1,22,1,48,17,1,1,12,82,82,40,2,12,21,1,3,2,1,7,7,0,1,5,21,28,7,2,9,1,8,6,23,8,1,4,15,4,53,13,68,53,16,64,1,1,1,2,18,25,1,11,29,296,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834267025421753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529739721068048,0.0,0.0,0.10640716425165736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517940169301464,0.0,0.0,0.06438206925785521,0.0696471758867636,0.0,0.0,0.07350587667371775,0.0,0.0,0.14307694591293352,0.0,0.06657359831490496,0.08814587546432823,0.0,0.1383878590767845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976744480576514,0.0,0.08276396654197937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062465572171842974,0.0,0.0,0.2522807267182265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664209926247653,0.0,0.08005559055939293,0.13071330810711493,0.08800566329763622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141538997664271,0.0,0.0,0.14062805252122046,0.0,0.07375451923595268,0.0,0.07911756818555198,0.055892254520875546,0.0,0.0,0.07150685018304875,0.06654802610016929,0.18920805465273627,0.08578241187975448,0.0604454158993999,0.0,0.3270032245479592,0.0,0.08892734433780143,0.06562116208052589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763776985282192,0.0695402995763088,0.0,0.0,0.08599359682187224,0.0,0.08825431125524892,0.0,0.08500431283706054,0.0,0.3868258521802658,0.07644491795875008,0.0,0.13816873161197107,0.06923694371514699,0.06569905353616619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061160102958472,0.0,0.052223549087899064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057512915210595386,0.0,0.12068180368984233,0.0,0.08320552931341411,0.0,0.0,0.07507014366670846,0.0,0.08209616829067859,0.08331944329628507,0.10603031235535426,0.05950247239000279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054239419031456106,0.0,0.08174061251651568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486187598616371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012037994753571,0.0,0.07724922034212421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628963134521525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338982356674196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878198535502219,0.0,0.0,0.11764839800998883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559307949572918,0.0,0.0,0.0621111344537653,0.13686120087908735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935258122486193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455340228410775,0.09229196700557016,0.1242011692611524,0.0,0.0,0.07034411415001537,0.07252612739359261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848442733360159,0.0,0.0,0.15945959248291314,0.111154095407858,0.0,0.0,0.10076363198525944
suicidewatch,pinacollado89,2018/04/10,"Hopeless Failure I honestly feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve been depressed for years, and I had to drop out of college because of it. I tried going back this year but I can’t even start college again until I pay back my loans and it just seems insurmountable. My mom keeps “borrowing money” and on top of that she stole money from my bank twice and then plays the victim. Tells me I’m ungrateful and need to find my own place but I can’t because she’s taken over $1000 from me. I just feel like there’s no hope in sight and this string of events on top of this never ending depression and anxiety has just sent me over the edge. I have given myself a week, and if there’s no change I’m just going to kill myself. I feel like I’ve waited so many years, and I can’t keep continuing on with this burden. I feel like no one in my life cares, I have a narcissistic mother who steals from me and a junkie/alchy for a father. I don’t want to be in my thirties ten years from now still feeling this way. I feel like there is no “it gets better” for me. ",1.4440666666666684,3.1025365511111147,2.9575,93.89625000000002,79.04444444444445,5.9222222222222225,18.805555555555557,6.742157984588678,-0.10191111111111084,824,17,191,8,20,270,121,225,0.179,0.6509999999999999,0.17,-0.5212,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,3,14,17,2,0,7,0,11,1,0,0,1,34,35,16,1,4,7,3,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,3,8,1,6,3,9,7,0,3,5,7,30,10,29,29,1,36,0,3,1,0,8,13,0,3,23,124,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369541900774787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883562131260394,0.0,0.149323038262091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832193532688257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487459600985015,0.0,0.1295656004936423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098043356222612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695850428207872,0.0,0.0,0.08089563661852238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37157167520571693,0.4374919317253606,0.0,0.0,0.11194277377554566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398975744236425,0.0,0.13921426498557216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164839887215975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177283436153868,0.13550388221080828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650991128881746,0.2991830899920941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417357996649755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344488230222815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081596674265838,0.09446266906383292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299433717861887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796355694296813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114994715010338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669063673734151,0.0,0.09781117695667788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705126668985113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315459710009107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722407626497147,0.09721742292988983,0.09824455217598473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154875492698513
suicidewatch,awakeningthecat,2018/04/10,"Can't fill the void. I feel like I'm just wandering in the desert right now. No sense of direction, lost, and suffering. 

A little background - I'm 27 years old and got out of a very toxic relationship a couple months back. I've history with mild drug abuse but have been clean for 3 months now. I quit my career in IT just a few weeks ago because I'm tired of sitting in front of a screen answering phone calls with no fulfillment. I have a fairly healthy physical lifestyle. I run, yoga, climb and have a healthy diet. 

I literally have no idea what to do. I'm emotional wreck from my breakup and the loneliness is unbearable. My past relationship isolated me from majority of my friends and support network. I have have a couple of months to find income again or I'll be basically homeless. 

This is some serious pain and I've set myself up for a way where I can no longer escape from it. I'm trying to not go the self destructive ways with drugs or shit relationships but I feel backed into a corner and it's crippling.

I should probably see a therapist but honestly don't have insurance and can't afford one.

Anyway I guess I just needed to vent. I feel a little bit better after writing this out. Any suggestions? Thanks everyone.

-Danny",2.8803354080221277,5.3332964854771765,4.33703838174274,81.85349671507608,77.92116182572613,8.166044260027663,25.80930152143845,8.959647251330699,2.3325558782849245,987,38,186,25,24,327,146,241,0.18,0.68,0.14,-0.8877,2,0,2,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,10,12,2,0,16,0,17,6,1,0,0,34,33,13,0,2,9,0,3,1,1,1,4,0,1,1,6,14,1,0,6,1,0,5,8,6,0,1,3,5,18,6,26,28,4,35,0,2,2,0,9,12,1,4,15,114,24,1,0.0,0.14203229986111196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626197483122136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815191261660821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435298611684245,0.0,0.07307470123439841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601971609029766,0.13087247749457806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240580106838132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26527886524781663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780339372000004,0.0,0.0,0.1348432658673733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454572137785354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183724004573756,0.08563874021148081,0.0,0.0,0.10956359908294967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261514522106506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812773795515324,0.0,0.09587500649243023,0.0,0.13205585239905024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532430945744844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856488099896035,0.2402925302067347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085774799835098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870492984763872,0.0,0.0,0.08888581044520051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578867123668316,0.0,0.08123041781174606,0.0,0.12755547603353262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443427336540825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924554952185205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750184241284127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861027374060861,0.0,0.10237261445053507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552487286772897,0.0,0.12505579250908327,0.0,0.12304998821216362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360327552440827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036481523962267,0.0,0.13918414079024086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777870433370892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138727165048024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890944810449767,0.0,0.1903024266867839,0.0961565125076878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719558440005217
suicidewatch,Im_Confused_-,2018/04/10,"I don't know what to do after today. I failed another class in college. Studied for 20+ hours on the test. All my friends passed. I can't afford to do this. I'm bleeding money, my hobby costs money... It's all just too much to deal with right now. 

I wish I never went back to school.. None of my friends care. 

I have so many other things going to too... Not even sure if I'm depressed or if it's just how life is now.

Only reason I'm still here is my girlfriend who's stronger than I'll ever be.

Parents don't give a damn other than them thinking I'll go to hell if I kill myself. 

I just want off the ride. Every thing I do is a climb back up before I get kicked in the face by life and my friends leave me. ",0.16442307692307878,1.8206696730769245,2.157025641025644,98.1213076923077,83.03846153846155,4.4164102564102565,18.092307692307692,4.604124745555138,-0.7813123076923079,543,12,132,1,15,181,101,156,0.12,0.745,0.135,0.0762,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,2,15,10,3,0,5,0,11,4,1,2,5,21,24,7,1,5,8,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,3,6,6,5,0,0,1,0,18,5,18,22,4,22,1,2,0,0,9,6,2,4,10,87,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384315516735518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549614504090347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107336240435436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903189753878184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092013042394774,0.1427929465564194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950139898076627,0.1499647218811239,0.13968352579048424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842621525062808,0.0,0.08661737830708195,0.15903893975761285,0.18844226229265945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326776750027847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341983930949252,0.0,0.09111273955421642,0.0,0.0,0.1755455357701099,0.0,0.0,0.2342019102092957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808299299134555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187324308439415,0.0,0.12786591275280818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608923152574428,0.0,0.0,0.1840879350884408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704576581513039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158203136417075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778628947676522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323984971305508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625321166189532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202843379739032,0.10623024508020576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714762250685502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778604760704754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368712090916015,0.0,0.0,0.1906479982031026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gomeznuke,2018/04/10,"If things continue at this rate, I'm going to check myself into a psych ward. I really don't know anymore guys. I've self harmed for years and the will to not live has just been building up and it just feels like my mind is everywhere. I feel so pathetic and anything just tears me down now. I thought getting a new job, being more social, even picking up a new instrument would help but it isn't helping. I thoufht I opened a new chapter in my life but I feel worthless. I feel empty and that life down the life will just continue to spiral down and I'll be alone at the end of it with regrets and constant struggling. I understand I'm a weak and useless person who messes up and says the wrong things at the wrong times and I've had suicide on my mind daily. I just sit in my shower floor after work contemplating suicide and how and where I should go through with it. I'm scared but at the same time I feel like this is the only path I can take. So idk..
I feel like the psych ward might be the only place to help or something..",2.397934272300472,4.058859239436623,3.373356807511737,91.95374413145542,76.32394366197184,6.2356807511737085,23.570422535211268,6.937597516519254,0.6506225352112679,810,25,176,8,18,259,120,213,0.239,0.703,0.058,-0.9926,2,1,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,2,14,0,16,4,0,2,0,44,32,19,2,4,11,0,6,3,0,5,4,1,1,3,10,15,0,0,9,0,1,2,3,10,0,0,3,7,19,3,24,21,2,33,0,3,0,0,9,18,0,3,15,113,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201876285384901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150854634080826,0.0,0.0,0.09549515199664636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540342539298546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027814310470506,0.0,0.0,0.07664663180295278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520550497945899,0.2487077257269905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606287258851012,0.0,0.13190210196855914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149028001897456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333475635440881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151567620960132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377530028083928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458980581039853,0.1700811843419738,0.0,0.10246986605559566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123105412582806,0.2343447500418725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33623096881430115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651491201073158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132602289237362,0.12124233201173867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434140213869593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228364621959603,0.1161812948973064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106024939614465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829326939524552,0.0,0.08933711481595455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131543600531122,0.0,0.2538688026874942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725140228973824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541902907341724,0.0,0.0,0.092126772154388,0.13533355203860986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080694345638768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448214622199207,0.0,0.0,0.08243504253886683,0.2537539933145992,0.0,0.07472917897083946
suicidewatch,Evergreen776,2018/04/10,"Constant decline At this point, everything just seems to be getting worse day by day. To the point where I started preparing a suicide note. I feel exhausted and ready to give up, my body's scarred and broken down, my mind is just done and instead of a heart beat, I just feel pain at my chest, yet something deep inside of me is just not quitting and while I'm still here I felt like posting about it, hoping some of you could help me through even just a single day. A quick background of me: As of right now, I'm 18, turning 19 in a few months. I've been neglected by my family, the times when I wasn't neglected is when I would be physically and emotionally abused. I've always kept a small circle of friends, people who I cared a lot about, but would always turn their backs on me and completely forget about my existence when I needed their help the most, including my ex, who acted very cold and aggressive towards me and merely a couple hours after treating me like shit, she had something troubling her and only then she started showing love and affection once she needed help herself. It's like a never-ending cycle, I keep thinking I've found people who actually care about me only for them to prove me wrong over and over yet to this day it still amazes me how quickly they forget all about you. Now here I am again, completely alone, I feel like I'm not even living anymore, but just existing, just killing time while waiting for time to kill me.",10.650781049935981,6.9866878169014095,9.60303457106274,72.1985595390525,59.915492957746466,12.580793854033287,40.254801536491684,10.018931242160765,3.836729577464789,1156,41,223,16,11,364,161,284,0.172,0.682,0.145,-0.8323,0,1,2,0,1,3,29.0,0,2,4,2,32,21,4,0,12,0,13,7,4,2,2,50,38,21,3,6,11,1,4,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,5,8,1,0,1,3,10,0,0,7,5,38,11,33,26,6,46,0,2,0,1,21,15,1,5,33,155,46,0,0.0,0.11837525115713705,0.09749629705195943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347508899807084,0.0,0.0,0.16626377322040606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908239902347253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682347978061732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097583556825126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037267758246144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950435081407687,0.10796560978026534,0.0,0.07976881827916825,0.11054686972997647,0.0,0.2577309035391355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102241096650599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123836301989594,0.08848928840905351,0.0,0.0,0.13197726161429327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979132965962869,0.0,0.0941848547551141,0.0,0.15155023879204454,0.07137466189893381,0.09592784056180348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954452807957063,0.0771890695793769,0.0,0.05219807465284482,0.09584134976639463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839206935887585,0.2008997115495532,0.0,0.0,0.09923169675158296,0.09838976061096108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880327718317024,0.22106793468503985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524101219283035,0.0,0.0882210476956663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493864528676709,0.09017133398593967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087911776646682,0.0,0.07974602217206844,0.0,0.0,0.1481617934236823,0.07705560465895005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639930605516354,0.0,0.15196985290335235,0.10630970227689576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852796700189834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888916767996937,0.0,0.09568473852408817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626500192827074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532132450889661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909529582512615,0.0,0.0,0.10255465322846448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382890932823964,0.0,0.0,0.14143151994892805,0.0,0.15957413563462478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092836977955242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401734122485224,0.0,0.0,0.17477237272972151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734354614300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824349867785916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181531052535008,0.14194428273517812,0.10923427544555947,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnwantedCityRose,2018/04/10,"""You look so innocent it looks fun to destroy you"" I was told that phrase when I was explaining one time to someone who I looked up to as my mentor when I asked, ""It shouldn't be such a frequent phenomena to occur everywhere I go.""

Having Asian family and being the middle child, I was ignored and abused. I was bullied in school for not being a ""gangsta""-clique in a school in the middle of nowhere/valley at the time. My 1st relationship ended up abusive verbally, physically, and I used to be a sex before marriage mentality until he deflowered me against my will. I finally was able to leave him when he cheated on me. (thank GOD).

My next relationship after that had pride, ego, and anger issues. I didn't want to look for a relationship but things happen -- and the worse happened with him. We never made it official but he kept me down when I was coming up as a freelancer. I left him too.

In the industry I'm in, every company or entity I've worked with was full-force sexism. Because I never had a career before and only one job I was taken advantage of and severely underpaid. Because this is a form of the music industry I've even had people offer me ""have sex with me and I'll give you access to all my connections"" to ""I'm taking your gigs and doing them for free"" to push me out. It's a full on boys world.

Now I'm stuck day after day with different companies being a freelancer in the city. A female freelancer. I tried having a part time for a few months and even ended up with a manager who is male dominant  suppressed LGBTQ who is too focused on his pride than his business to treat any of his workers well with a turn over rate of people leaving within a month or so.

I can't go back home, my family recently committed fraud and charged 500 into my name without me knowing. I have nowhere to turn to and my boyfriend cannot help me. I can't go back to school either I don't know where to go neither have the funds nor direction to do so. I'm constantly telling myself I need to kill myself because I can't escape being who I am and taken advantage of constantly.

What else am I supposed to do? I know my thoughts were everywhere. I know no one can really help me. I've been suicidal for years with very good reasons to be like this. I have so many more horror stories and every time i keep pushing through my career with 4 years of experience I keep getting cucked out of my main income for being female... my experience doesn't matter at all. I might have to become homeless soon, especially living in a high rent city. I have no where to go once all my independence slips away from my hands.

edit//: My depression keeps getting worse with each situation that eats at me with the same reoccurring theme that it's getting in the way of me trying to advance/work on myself*

My passion and self-worth is non-existent simply for being a female. I have no respect and cannot defend myself. When I do it worsens every situation. I am pushed into a corner. I am pushed into the ground. It feels like the only safe place is drowning in the waters of my depression. But it hurts all the same. if the pain is all the same why can't I kill myself?...
",4.086440477844146,5.3847783594249226,5.457007917766359,80.17712598972079,71.31629392971246,8.382775385470204,27.50645923044868,8.841846274778883,2.138345159049868,2487,87,476,46,46,835,286,626,0.159,0.748,0.093,-0.9933,5,0,0,0,1,2,75.0,1,4,1,6,25,25,5,0,35,0,58,7,1,4,8,78,102,35,4,4,9,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,2,3,20,34,2,7,8,0,4,10,19,10,1,3,21,6,80,16,88,69,17,83,0,3,4,3,35,40,0,4,34,351,100,12,0.07177499120939444,0.17008325569942964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880945529171148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709992786917665,0.0,0.06743496692945658,0.1103810756684414,0.0,0.13126010534959215,0.07926983871610963,0.122150462082598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061827799534839564,0.0,0.1551265339291706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925778630663731,0.0,0.1236393895114531,0.0,0.0,0.07498958928566392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344373465340961,0.059958795189737984,0.0,0.1271426765309144,0.0,0.0,0.09481340953548208,0.0,0.1814205771717061,0.0,0.0,0.14041942788758752,0.13532614780316676,0.0,0.03629159215265418,0.05127606806131275,0.0,0.07862599453603802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249841151018057,0.06885311177611536,0.20395690779810186,0.060201457285047284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269407753718378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621852731155163,0.07583421893319316,0.07199616835809587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683661257533403,0.0,0.0,0.0749144430944599,0.07122560371249577,0.1913907301456462,0.15881678684706,0.0,0.15778263236200318,0.0,0.0,0.15199870440030222,0.07798373795979699,0.0,0.0,0.07013127042013145,0.0,0.06337863221669253,0.0,0.24109166248973246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791523212901356,0.0,0.07276857555599463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233230948097198,0.07614192316535959,0.0,0.0,0.11458022641995926,0.0,0.0,0.053220246524154656,0.11071459601707624,0.0,0.07633351742071294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764380231557007,0.14590977478457495,0.10917623023943716,0.07637365115994238,0.0,0.0,0.0777253210579409,0.0,0.09951948318077752,0.0,0.07498958928566392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045980897272426526,0.07379664507116274,0.07086914481981889,0.23117843855483905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792036896341985,0.0,0.0,0.07487696937533314,0.08108531012761655,0.0,0.0,0.1613561947472097,0.0,0.0,0.0608147171330698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851019083060537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396586088159554,0.0,0.06273450592780785,0.06608076863141943,0.0,0.0,0.04768411487199538,0.0,0.0,0.056981325675941386,0.1674102982935496,0.0,0.0,0.06858407995025112,0.0,0.09746101519403502,0.1561411594565066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199054739461155,0.0,0.0592218846329221,0.042334749441199616,0.0569716471711733,0.0,0.0,0.06453433692716316,0.0,0.0647657656807508,0.0,0.0,0.06918853022932199,0.0,0.1045060968729174,0.0,0.14628969590284055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244148220665294
suicidewatch,GoldInkOnBlue,2018/04/10,"I'm really kinda done now. I have never felt this oddly calm when contemplating suicide before. It's always been a very emotionally turbulent thing. I don't know whether I'm just desensitised to it or if it's because it's become a logical option now instead of one connected to emotions like it was before. I have been like this before, with other things. This is how I felt when I first started self harming, for example, and I don't know if I should be worried about that, but either way I'm not. Everything just seems to be building up and all my energy goes into looking after other people, and right now I'm just too drained to care, I guess. I'm taking these notes in a very casual manner and if this goes away I suppose that will scare me into asking for help again, even if it did absolutely nothing last time. Anywho, I'm rambling. Just wanted to get this off my chest. ",5.3732288401253925,5.915724264367821,6.515872518286312,76.52092476489028,67.85057471264368,9.0858934169279,29.036572622779516,9.095868883498916,2.3943977011494253,698,23,129,12,11,235,109,174,0.083,0.8109999999999999,0.107,0.4748,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,15,7,0,1,3,0,14,1,1,1,2,34,33,14,1,6,13,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,7,3,12,5,17,22,2,20,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,9,14,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481308299052693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023095000149402,0.0,0.14093114219547467,0.0,0.0,0.09143938925615894,0.16566463098586434,0.3829201286406922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293630407799047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153503390836405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33746250529764443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990744320766176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348114801386152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880495081576297,0.0,0.0,0.1275910138556921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783694787794174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524332343608014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054269744484856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487356344852416,0.12227106524848542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656609907243087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596329810626064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569023597742305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393027565251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164475075858752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399200202798506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609466226260187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810027524966072,0.0,0.0,0.15017745123450058,0.0,0.0,0.13655553349435656,0.15648405120803568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617167946417913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407705633364447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278229618710114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930837307358587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746695382262122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24753353413866944,0.08847464253298737,0.11906403568033512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233358312403047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClearEmergency,2018/04/10,I'm depressed right now. I just made a HUGE mistake and told something my friend told me to the person they were talking about.  That person told everyone and now everyone hates my friend.  My friend hates me now and I don't know how to live on.,2.021632653061225,4.339498918367351,2.440163265306122,95.02269387755103,80.22448979591837,5.5526530612244915,22.044897959183675,6.742157984588678,0.40539673469387694,193,6,41,2,5,59,32,49,0.191,0.599,0.21,0.2808,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,0,8,3,4,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160277890885849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35563138013567835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313149132098666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674480530105376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226946134773893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431969680633882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608159030343326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249708817074767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891869956908075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326014256860733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495710166538973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334470702035176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PairOfMandarins,2018/04/10,"I finally reach a point that I want to kill myself but haven't because I haven't found a painless way to do it yet. I am 26 years old illegal immigrant struggling in the U.S, I thought things were going to turn up but now things keep stopping from wanting to achieve my dreams. I feel alone and I dont even want to talk to my mother about this because it would crush her. The last couple of days have started to really drag my morale down and I feel like actually killing myself. I havent done it yet because I am a punk when it comes to pain. I am just rambling at this point but I just made a throw away just so I can talk to a bunch of faceless redditors. ",3.916231884057975,4.340335840579712,4.584202898550725,89.50644927536234,71.02898550724638,7.872463768115942,28.3768115942029,7.793537801064563,1.4493855072463775,518,18,117,6,9,166,84,138,0.231,0.6970000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9776,0,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,2,1,7,0,13,1,0,1,0,20,26,7,2,4,6,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,4,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,2,19,1,18,20,1,22,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,12,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.14953342452499854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587033033948397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439675637820839,0.0,0.0,0.28022846973038085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199676782446434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954953676274073,0.0,0.09882268808524572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568106868839094,0.17958807968074122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012090329856291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495854290123015,0.10946977414304793,0.0,0.16785939696742508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680122108943608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708591542110941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620064092449793,0.33905949585454903,0.0,0.0,0.1249054475159849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486196410454896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499288660639648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079238667020684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630508472873101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28970966231747514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981650627596572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845919359618296,0.0,0.0,0.12810975268485025,0.0,0.1601925313025237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463259608222555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360255700600016,0.0,0.0,0.1216499838610493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667363651693198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711425993617031,0.12162932112751565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885241455798056,0.0,0.0,0.0986771076763389
suicidewatch,chronicsucc,2018/04/10,"I don’t know what to do anymore I’m totally clueless. I have no idea what I want to do with myself. I can’t keep living like this it is hell. I just want to kill myself. I’ve tried searching for reasons to live but I just can’t find any. There’s no friends to stay alive for, my pets would be fine without me, I doubt my parents would care very much at all. I just want to not feel anymore. I’ve already tried killing myself before but I couldn’t do it properly. I’ve been in programs for depression for weeks on end. Nothing is seeming to bring me out of this depression. I so badly want to be happy but just can’t. I’ve fucked my body up so much from cutting myself from all the times I’ve wanted to end it but decided that to just cut instead but I just can’t keep cutting anymore. Please can someone just help me get through tonight. ",1.0227683615819207,3.0819687062146883,2.378333333333334,95.52535310734469,82.2768361581921,5.0632768361581935,23.95762711864407,6.139981653823899,0.43190169491525454,659,25,147,5,18,212,95,177,0.225,0.606,0.168,-0.9516,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,0,11,16,7,1,1,0,18,2,1,1,3,37,33,7,2,8,14,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,7,0,0,1,10,11,0,0,1,1,21,5,25,27,5,12,1,2,0,1,3,5,2,2,6,97,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999748275885335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627181124583218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37744473728588457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592606831566076,0.0,0.0,0.10795184606547532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409172080139651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293462144253716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853540488687526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472754357550886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641462062891774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595131822488908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801474454888742,0.11728364338797667,0.06628115847129297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135048994502427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503420676345617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321391594287095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255249499869081,0.28071224674916234,0.0,0.06972108885282319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061979299788902036,0.0,0.22404631901499714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865191465308222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172934614242199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086736214749204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925848004775365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043723180488254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549214179600402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749138186682074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352200515664274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397536793164211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226453883567086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467601455780873,0.37413811433693495,0.0,0.10176257876243423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229228506334595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802409679022826,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blvehydrangeas,2018/04/10,Fantasies of ending it all i sit in school anxious and depressed as fuck. is it weird to have fantasies of my wrists being slit? i dont think ill kill myself. at least not yet. i just want to be fixed im tired of this cycle. my grades have dropped from all A’s & B’s to mostly B’s and C’s. my parents know about my drug and alcohol use. they dont trust me anymore. i have realized im alone in this world. i guess im okay with that but my brain doesnt know how to fucking act. ,-1.277636849132172,0.7151100280373868,0.9552002670226968,101.8270327102804,93.57943925233644,3.804806408544727,16.98865153538051,5.288315135182226,-0.8654320427236315,371,10,93,2,14,123,72,107,0.136,0.809,0.055,-0.6342,1,1,2,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,3,0,1,1,9,8,2,2,2,18,17,6,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,13,2,14,15,4,9,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,2,2,54,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735753818439096,0.0,0.1682160016341014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597976854437103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834860401155264,0.1610749520239976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131213424151127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989033246622004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807052286729272,0.0,0.1883532444169848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385408534314312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003055340142555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789216704557859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263177340255505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969138476855712,0.0,0.17852130284476514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034589987515184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437562487657018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040708568638326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667552770117388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027695088209535,0.0,0.0,0.09579830825118957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Q_kog,2018/04/10,"Please give me a tangible reason I just want to be valued and liked like everyone else around me is. But I don't have anything to prove it. I'm alone again and again.

I'm tired of the cognitive dissonance please give me something ",3.16,5.145793043478268,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,75.08695652173913,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,1.7208434782608697,184,6,38,4,4,58,35,46,0.096,0.627,0.276,0.802,0,1,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,1,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517318252011689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001367197523404,0.21637060679153186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304138273207425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322496037893948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663212786777685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374889300860672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336031149850915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24990116643974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871157226771017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793561305233249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336021991362902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SecureEntrepreneur,2018/04/10,"18 YEAR OLD FAT FAILURE, NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND. Where do i begin, from a young age i have een bullied and made fun of,i was always called names for my obese looking body. i am currently 5'10 weighing in at 237 pounds and a receeding hairline that makes my balding head look even worse. to top things off i also just got rejected by my crush of 4-5 years in which i always made her laugh and smile, but because of my disgusting body and teeth she rejected me after i offered to take her out on dinner. a failure in school as well, with terrible grades and a low self esteeem. in the hallways the teachers usually stare at me for some odd reason, maybe its because of the things i mentioned earlier, same as the kids in school. well alright guess im blowing my head off :L ",6.818578431372548,5.979400686274513,6.830841503267976,80.1525367647059,65.01307189542484,9.741503267973856,35.46486928104575,8.841846274778883,2.8890398692810453,607,25,120,8,8,194,106,153,0.223,0.688,0.08900000000000001,-0.9778,1,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,9,1,5,10,7,4,1,18,14,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,5,3,17,5,24,9,2,24,0,3,3,0,10,14,0,2,10,75,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081671317657215,0.25141735452120245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419102224694506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356263418533472,0.0,0.0,0.15426713518418236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978533907092216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208305689620833,0.0,0.166429024246376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100984353119864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318974795748564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537342914528062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28590658217128523,0.1008454803513609,0.0,0.15177776927802092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652036940544508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853054169767286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533294893201166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057972216379031,0.0,0.0,0.15760690000130334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135915637399158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007385070998088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663906475210814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271673837004426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396099538835994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945780600318453
suicidewatch,stonedlurker710,2018/04/10,. I'm sick of felling like this I doesn't get better for me. In fact it's only got worse. I don't know how long I can hang on any more ,-3.5718181818181804,-2.1096403030303,-0.5008484848484844,110.40872727272726,103.54545454545456,2.64,9.630303030303027,3.1291,-2.450267878787879,102,1,31,0,5,35,29,33,0.264,0.6609999999999999,0.075,-0.7435,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117983041469754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39169948960978745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23139131750914885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542189367629965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434003113390737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163732826525654,0.0,0.0,0.391942988298086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368371795209669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513419125465748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Utkar22,2018/04/10,"How do you help someone self harming? There's a person I know through Instagram DMs only. She is really depressed, because of negligent parents and her breakup.

I really don't know how to help her. I don't know her in real life (she lives in another country), and only found her because she runs a meme page.

I told her to do what she loves and not indulge in self harm. She sent a photo of red lines on her arm. 

I don't know if this is the right sub, but Reddit, I'm scared for this stranger",1.9222549019607875,3.666817696078432,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,77.92156862745098,6.494117647058824,25.058823529411764,7.3871296695380915,1.0877764705882358,383,14,83,5,9,126,63,102,0.108,0.83,0.061,-0.6855,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,0,7,3,1,2,0,14,16,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,1,17,1,10,13,1,7,0,1,1,1,21,5,0,1,0,50,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740846513712085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22952477205853855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214924530662805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641887909720025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523752608247557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138541101033503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329745757953222,0.0,0.0,0.1662382420862902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991323997997276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286362516164115,0.0,0.0,0.20904197626352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438256993606715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428265893174286,0.2412101134017619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077418449803368,0.0,0.0,0.18848247753694036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927953421003616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951325100565736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798918103352896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andosing1,2018/04/10,"I miss her so much... The only person I've ever loved is gone now, before her I wasn't happy but I did not intend to kill myself.

But now that I know true happiness I want to end it.
She was my happiness and the only thing I lived for, she now hates me and doesn't want to talk to me. I hate myself.

I hate being alone, no one that cares about me, no one there to listen. I hate it.",-0.7491895424836592,0.9887438588235328,1.9756862745098047,97.719477124183,86.88235294117645,4.718954248366012,11.797385620915033,5.82211442006289,-1.3053006535947709,288,2,72,2,9,100,51,85,0.266,0.49,0.244,-0.3489,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,5,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,2,11,18,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,4,1,19,6,7,13,1,6,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,55,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118718483139974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243085072324146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586765751443784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784321834847682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077750298647834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497017528179017,0.0,0.6146151115439841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721830751410983,0.0,0.08553094223631816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742536931962646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046340639491034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440697936869018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109197162702685,0.2367293713484023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589132740857102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509061666173246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339458059868856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359085305341788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Johngreen54,2018/04/10,"Regretful goodbye In about 30 minutes to a hour I’m gonna have to commit suicide. If you wanna know why read my previous post. It’s just so unfortunate it has come to this I have no other option left. I really don’t want to do this but it’s something I’m gonna have to do. Everyday it seems like the universe wants me gone, it just keeps giving signs. I’m so sorry for all the others that are going through similar troubles, I wish you good luck. ",0.1742198581560288,2.502813478723404,2.6543617021276624,89.9841666666667,89.7446808510638,5.686524822695036,20.599290780141846,7.1686216300943375,0.7513290780141841,353,12,74,6,12,121,67,94,0.142,0.66,0.198,0.7779,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,2,18,23,4,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,10,20,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,4,3,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160479392840395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059683547594266,0.14253934302706248,0.21036493108575816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469942786065928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229286995878197,0.0,0.0,0.13783691491969272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725024343521525,0.0,0.0,0.12253158423585188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402036839876681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250874775270374,0.0,0.16067332457046404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283251851707747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930834075234792,0.0,0.28075779444833593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27434204466861273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29586481956950195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263142197644361,0.0,0.2884155611663276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tenxtae,2018/04/10,Help I have no more friends to talk to. My girlfriend doesn’t understand either. I haven’t been to school in three weeks because I have just given up. Dropping out is my only option right now and I don’t want to do that. I want to end it but I am afraid of pain and death. I also don’t want anyone to be sad about it. I have nothing.,-0.7281430745814319,1.3322924109589067,1.3130593607305947,100.09537290715376,90.64383561643835,3.792389649923897,16.330289193302892,5.033348758259628,-0.9649866057838664,258,6,62,1,9,85,48,73,0.206,0.69,0.103,-0.9145,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,0,0,11,17,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,10,1,11,14,2,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994454007785355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231012363067054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765813524229262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435984338133096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124905375001186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434945052629967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26390248028897045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917570261706456,0.2926555003369366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487747946584114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27834902763799185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106186048634024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863200280435633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.486666425836062,0.0,0.22061563449611885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jadedsunrise,2018/04/10,"Tomorrow Tomorrow is the day.

I’m going to finish work today, drive home, and sleep. I’ll get up early in the morning and just drive. And drive. And drive. Until I’m somewhere far into the country, away from cities and people and buses and pavement and street lights. And then I’ll kill myself.

I wanted to wait. My fiancee’s birthday is this weekend. I wanted to make the day special for her. I especially don’t want for her birthday to remind her of my suicide every year.

But I can’t do it anymore. Not even one more day. I work seven days a week. Then after work it’s people, people, people, how do you do?, oh, is that right?, so nice to see you, can’t wait to get together. Tonight’s the first night that I have no plans, the first night in a month.

I used to look forward to the future, but I just can’t anymore. I can’t look forward to being depressed, years from now. It’s better to end it now rather than later, when I’m married, or have children. Now, only a few people will be hurt.

I just want to fade away, out of everyone’s sight, out of everyone’s mind, just turn into dust and float into the wind. I don’t want anyone to miss me.

""As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.""",1.4768029739776942,3.329489126394052,3.1261026022304854,91.81471524163572,79.66914498141264,5.493591078066915,20.42542750929368,6.360717304075467,0.1274177249070627,1001,26,216,8,25,331,138,269,0.081,0.845,0.07400000000000001,-0.5828,1,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,2,0,7,12,9,1,0,14,0,19,1,1,3,0,38,40,22,2,6,9,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,11,17,0,2,1,1,0,8,9,4,0,4,1,5,21,5,36,36,3,55,0,3,4,0,10,17,0,1,36,140,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157562150504184,0.07811129269509676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991330203053785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879976191798584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602234459372255,0.0,0.09621696908570766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894324960344383,0.0,0.0,0.07378440584536337,0.0,0.0941217742674382,0.21349029064022465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004352487772888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672931768467502,0.0,0.06348823160634791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205576366192946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195894933810972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359224621486405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915321249350103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876190842437606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456830752087623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279679053133312,0.0,0.08916707003200919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966738926045814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569861754264291,0.08496164540564116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872335133029539,0.0,0.11671476254547936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654737609268646,0.0954010282957194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901961865790342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179219742342232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219427213140058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588945953755713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151005575000498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964828863332574,0.0,0.0,0.3294517462703712,0.0,0.08960824356982779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24398195264037634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438771134483902
suicidewatch,Throwaway12332145728,2018/04/10,"I just feel I have nothing worth living for. I feel useless. Im 21M, my ldr relationship is falling apart after a year and a half together, I live with my grandparents cause my job doesn't pay enough to live alone. I don't have a diploma or degree, I have absolutely no drive to get those things either. I don't have any hobbies really. I feel empty and broken. I have no idea how I will survive this break up if it happens. I wanted everything with her. She got me to travel and I even got a ring. I have nothing. I am what feels like literally nothing. Part of me just wants to blow all my savings on a trip to go around some parts of the world and die somewhere out there. I just don't know what to do.",0.9430630630630644,2.9718253783783837,2.9282702702702714,91.64195495495495,82.37837837837839,5.838558558558557,21.353153153153148,7.03164865440522,0.4841661261261256,548,17,122,7,15,184,93,148,0.162,0.8109999999999999,0.028,-0.9463,2,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,6,0,14,0,0,2,1,27,26,7,1,3,6,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,1,2,5,6,1,0,1,2,5,23,2,16,23,6,14,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,3,3,86,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577941221948701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360681492668307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562850044946415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651084081609834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812072690676085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742373143658187,0.0,0.10062922558345608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369271017937029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30814162945130963,0.10884264251763896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959934559961099,0.0,0.08658701668750189,0.0,0.2437048707690573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347272709969478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199056644050004,0.1645698467632556,0.0,0.15118910665522126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373047748676138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443309407537682,0.0,0.4035975107160999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385670007896124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299718427849201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760269368701813,0.0,0.0,0.1635725534136969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121807823830536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972618313840108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811180519524623
suicidewatch,CraftyAdministration,2018/04/10,"What happens if you go to the ER in Canada with suicidal thoughts? I have been planning an attempt. If my husband realizes what is going on with me, he may call 911 as our marriage counselor has instructed him to do so if he is concerned about my safety. 

Does anyone know what happens when you end up in the ER with suicidal thoughts? My greatest fear is being prevented from carrying out my plan and having to deal with the embarrassment of my family and employer/colleagues finding out (e.g., if I miss work). ",8.138437500000002,7.586310135416667,8.123000000000001,71.02200000000002,62.22916666666666,11.43,41.075,10.793553405168565,4.602115,407,21,70,9,5,132,68,96,0.155,0.772,0.07400000000000001,-0.8738,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,4,3,3,0,2,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,19,18,9,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,3,0,12,0,17,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,5,2,55,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756133942877035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300949570886412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231324499981806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719451504633495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995822933798708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124283023588252,0.2535675282873433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595454961636134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612918349482394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985307178266023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383969128833293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929656781561805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35778588176770104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404850877120195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ajmajmajm,2018/04/10,Tip Piece of of advice - if you’re thinking of jumping off a bridge to end it - don’t. I survived the fall and I’ve got a spinal cord injury. Google long term outlook :) to all you on here thinking of suicide my heart truly goes out to you. I hope you find what a will to live. A last shred to hold onto. And hold on for dear life. I hope it gets better for you all. I really hope it does,-0.745000000000001,1.2563792619047618,1.3121904761904766,100.61614285714286,89.71428571428572,3.836190476190476,15.542857142857144,4.935628992294339,-1.1165914285714278,294,6,72,1,10,97,56,84,0.077,0.6759999999999999,0.247,0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,4,0,2,1,5,0,0,5,0,2,3,2,0,2,14,9,3,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,5,16,7,4,11,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,4,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176535969726093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916613486777504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896433567154917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193969998932905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806794378077192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322141887472315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332184735504008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568010058891321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.645722294066348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766466194540166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530678548308067,0.0,0.0,0.1913578663801077,0.19178049431934172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882922506454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370442857629685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777165347293151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rule34bastion,2018/04/10,"Cleaning before you go I'm getting rid of **everything** (books, games, dresser empty, my computer) before I go, and have my living space vacant as possible without sleeping on the floor. I think getting rid of everything will allow those affected to move on easier. Thoughts?

",3.027494089834516,5.806047021276598,4.272198581560287,73.73444444444449,100.06382978723404,7.195271867612293,30.75413711583924,7.793537801064563,3.762198108747045,218,12,29,6,9,71,37,47,0.071,0.8320000000000001,0.098,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,6,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,17,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444404329577515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694112540897727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728811765762283,0.0,0.29683619647780746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306010657872889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775621216697101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944084478092223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613395415139182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733497845372625,0.0,0.2073246766499944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517401883427761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,keatonsfav,2018/04/10,"Due to recent events, I seem to have given up on school because what's the point? My life is REALLY fucked right now and I've started to notice that it's affecting my work ethic hardcore. I haven't done any important work at all the last couple days because I think I've lowkey decided there's no point in life anymore. I can just kill myself easily and everything will be okay. Even though I know this is false, I still can't seem to shake the feeling of ""nothing matters anymore"".",5.459062499999997,5.930643447916665,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,67.64583333333334,8.9,29.541666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.211241666666666,385,13,75,6,6,123,70,96,0.156,0.768,0.076,-0.8649,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,2,1,3,1,9,3,0,1,1,12,17,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,9,1,9,13,1,16,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,2,8,44,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023148313466495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506803277526585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155538245376781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956281483442625,0.0,0.11402272075548155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092992113932124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677611214236595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588983170811503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939644836751426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345068207496122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560531576498175,0.0,0.09716580418895122,0.14411729977096166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497610878502189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964637250992526,0.2012903498492752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33427024266022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326394531317995,0.0,0.17457073305260007,0.0,0.0,0.15098801774058102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893315280229216,0.0,0.32190796270556843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514142839460618,0.0,0.14119437644000887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328763949925487,0.17370715449865315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574280525883993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miscellaneousbean,2018/04/10,"I’m not sure if I’m suicidal or something else? For a tiny bit of background, I’m in my first year of college and it’s been very hard. Had a few self harm incidents, was in the health center for a few days, breakdowns, anxiety attacks, one week long depressive episode where I missed a shit ton of class (which made stress worse). Part of it was my fault because I wasn’t taking my meds consistently (and lying to my mom saying that I was), but even now that I’m back on track (for two weeks now!) I still feel “off” a lot of times. 

I kinda just want to go away for a bit, but I’m not sure what that means. Being dead sounds nice in some moments, but not in others. I just feel empty? I’m not sure what to do. I can only see my counselor once every two weeks so I feel lonely most of the time.",2.6157142857142865,3.365279619047623,3.7771428571428594,92.91785714285713,74.23809523809524,6.790476190476189,22.333333333333336,6.816661863887847,0.319669047619048,608,14,144,5,12,198,104,168,0.234,0.7390000000000001,0.028,-0.9825,0,2,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,2,1,8,0,9,2,1,1,3,26,25,8,2,2,11,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,8,0,4,7,7,13,4,20,17,9,24,0,3,1,0,3,9,1,6,14,90,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271418057733993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274853176261494,0.12614862624895412,0.10324332978484303,0.0,0.08184815052239189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29317041482948336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659135444600763,0.0,0.1156443003334238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216316977867316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868234024191382,0.0,0.1131260611795262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036688695599339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420776748748765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630724801757527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202772024697164,0.0,0.0,0.14271994962584364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882240890903994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414932767770848,0.0,0.1270470443533579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625654204488348,0.14914079422645768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725233634387142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299038100462658,0.09098305366622426,0.10211639517931256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539849165307753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677481215156724,0.0,0.0,0.10699372068632987,0.0,0.1400701632176125,0.0,0.1378235392938809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336559123311913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722610559625742,0.0,0.15380283371662767,0.0,0.0,0.1468667246502039,0.0,0.3796362587913399,0.0,0.10095236232082644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658478168863765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623194469799737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078465268815656,0.07919438130944224,0.0,0.3231035875545697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682993417810593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646379259728346
suicidewatch,AWastedMindd,2018/04/10,"""La tristesse durera toujours."" Don't cry for me. If you were able to ask me, I would say I cry for you. My fight is over. My battle was fought for too many years. There's nothing where I'm going. All my problems end at the barrel of this gun. But you, you still have a battle to fight. One you've been fighting, and will continue to fight. While my fight is over, I've lost it. But I'm okay with that. I tried, and tried and fought and fought but gained no ground. Don't cry because mine is over, I cry because yours still continues. 

If someone is trapped on the top floor of a burning building, Would you fault them if they jumped to a quick death opposed to watch the flames creep closer knowing it will eventually devour them? I've been trapped for so long. Watching the flames get closer and closer, feeling the heat. I can no longer sit and wait for the fire to consume me. To be burned alive. I decide to jump rather than face the fire in my head... I'm sorry I couldn't suffer longer for you.",1.649729064039409,3.760864847290641,2.086726600985223,98.18004064039414,80.33004926108373,4.651133004926108,20.00221674876848,5.341637118332708,-0.4169840394088665,776,20,174,3,20,236,114,203,0.234,0.653,0.113,-0.972,0,2,0,1,6,0,32.0,0,7,3,3,8,15,10,0,10,1,18,2,2,0,1,24,31,14,1,8,7,0,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,3,5,14,0,1,8,6,26,1,24,17,1,26,0,2,2,0,20,13,0,3,9,107,30,0,0.15735457908353168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471052901363178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184378179384293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6913864652858293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936945175450652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956320316072221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822112730003995,0.0,0.08942823353086904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149119493686814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647796148655253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392538508290931,0.0,0.0,0.17177111112985316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595328454129157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098596250711493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662753515551612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056708098284635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513467703756992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332602422256676,0.0,0.0,0.1761455684748777,0.0,0.0,0.2513271402386091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21366686034374305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235603565150201,0.0,0.0,0.10133118985726712
suicidewatch,k0000p,2018/04/10,"I'm not sure I'm strong enough to keep living I just bought half a gram of heroin and about half a gram of coke, so I could do all the heroin at once and then all the coke and enjoy the feeling for an hour and then pass away.


I just dont know anymore, I don't think I'm strong enough to keep living. I tried to do the same three days ago, but a friend came over and I ended up just doing a regular speedball. Two days ago I was almost raped, I'm just so tired. The only thing that gets me up in the morning and the reason I'm still here is because I've been through so much worse. I've been trying to reach out to my friends, but its tiring on them and I understand that. I guess I'm writing here as a call for help because I don't know what to do. I was at the psych ward today, but they don't want to admit me because they're worried I'll be a chronic psych ward patient or something. Whats funny is that I feel so close to being a chronically dead instead. 


Please let me know if this violates any guidelines or rules here because thats not my intention. ",3.778615096693698,3.650264593886465,4.753477854023707,90.11634279475984,71.18340611353712,7.41621958827199,25.964129756706186,6.5431188927421005,0.7724907049282592,828,22,193,5,14,271,122,229,0.177,0.725,0.098,-0.9638,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,2,14,8,2,0,16,0,18,7,0,2,3,43,39,20,1,3,12,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,9,10,2,2,9,0,1,2,6,2,0,4,6,2,19,6,24,29,6,22,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,5,10,126,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920769991561696,0.0,0.1294608149571498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879186154658627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821653731325985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146804120206706,0.0,0.0,0.3152451141353372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201501366681204,0.14786824071839375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322400109531754,0.0,0.0,0.16675698376347006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152171564894576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450863383349665,0.26717309125211963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074132936103264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977140879593394,0.0,0.06754637001493388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242262218850302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866573869021689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732023585369046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298298954145904,0.0,0.0,0.21315589109097585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220324638205538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283230395139426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503976376557456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768490397265226,0.0,0.09832749563652214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191672321323207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292709008748305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953034185249107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324761671838954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185011203546467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589158256746414,0.08284096772735051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971894694018486,0.12254759569359193,0.0,0.0,0.17555281997199507,0.0,0.12629320802505,0.13459082941216152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625597406731406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129576375463733,0.1317530327252382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,witch-bitch-,2018/04/10,"I’ve made up my mind. This will either land me in a psychiatric hospital or I’ll be dead. I don’t know which one. My car breaking down to a state where the repairs are about 1000 dollars did me in. My car isn’t even worth that much. I have no money, I don’t live in a stable home, and I don’t have anyone. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve hit the breaking point. ",-0.9392592592592592,0.8741775432098784,1.6138271604938268,99.52222222222224,88.38271604938271,4.587654320987656,17.641975308641978,5.82211442006289,-0.5974839506172835,275,7,70,2,9,94,55,81,0.091,0.852,0.057,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,0,6,15,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,2,0,10,0,7,10,2,13,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,0,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549900862997873,0.25028687133064764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642251273593354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35905290430907594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671988694360135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160762924959368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387008211528705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614273279079652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26313434014072057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425560952212059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33837832606651763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notunique2838,2018/04/10,"Can't sleep and pissed Suicide is the easy way out my ass. Been trying to get access to painless and quick methods. Can't go and traumatise some train or truck driver, would make suicide look even more selfish. My only option is a knife, I know I need to cut the jugular or carotid artery. No idea how to locate them, I don't want to fail. Plus it's painful and you have to have the balls to do it. Wish euthanasia was allowed...",2.9204926108374387,4.459415827586209,3.362889983579638,93.08896551724138,74.63218390804597,5.890968801313631,25.072249589490966,6.18269132825596,0.5815628899835792,335,11,72,2,7,104,64,87,0.229,0.611,0.161,-0.8034,1,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,1,1,3,5,2,0,4,0,11,4,3,3,0,19,19,8,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,1,7,0,9,16,2,4,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,4,1,45,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012392930781906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345707806576145,0.0,0.14638414854641674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29076752600534583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415548788165334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629567561726887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719313631646251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098643328571985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589517312313734,0.27407485279920657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257758095002986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5634840987259675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487453452386795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519226859678242,0.2044487277355333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961951798869599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829718151923926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,High_Af_Osrs,2018/04/10,"Want to shut my eyes for the last time. I feel nothing...except cold. I have no passion(s), no hobbies, no talents or skills. No future. No hope. Want to go to some deep woods, sit down at a big tree, and finally put a bullet through my head. I can save people from the disappointment of knowing/meeting me.  ""To know a life of pain and strife, too many years spent under the ice. I'm so alone. I've been living my life so cold, and I will die cold and all alone.""  Trapped Under Ice - Reality Unfolds. ",0.5875666666666675,2.933357690000001,2.056000000000001,95.16466666666668,87.1,4.533333333333334,20.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.05886666666666685,379,12,83,3,12,122,70,100,0.243,0.654,0.103,-0.9415,0,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,4,5,2,0,1,13,12,7,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,2,5,8,3,13,9,2,15,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,3,5,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786794839017218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398351310463263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684614270060545,0.0,0.0,0.25314800571137297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133387950083808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371652027428668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22952469936327125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700112397314214,0.18836934668182004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264516683261228,0.0,0.0,0.20405687005989454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342891799227301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458962534480106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020883961660504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323094668053877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475054719064186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726059608293605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488145046921575
suicidewatch,blah8699,2018/04/10,What to do I was snooping in my brothers room which I know I wasn’t supposed to be doing.  Then I came across multiple pages of how he doesn’t want to deal with life anymore and how no one likes him or how popular people get praised for doing dumbass shit.  There is 2 pages of this stuff and he wrote it this morning with the date of 4/10/18.  What do I do.  Me and my brother are not close at all we haven’t had a conversation in about 3 years and we live in the same house.,3.03874115983027,3.688640653465349,3.940113154172561,92.51277227722773,73.15841584158416,7.355586987270155,26.309759547383308,7.447530270364453,0.9956749646393208,370,12,88,4,7,119,72,101,0.092,0.81,0.099,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,2,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,3,0,13,2,1,3,1,20,18,9,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,0,11,3,15,12,4,11,1,0,0,0,11,7,1,1,4,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301150591567711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473078364113309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130616518180225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865058996679948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503845771786554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688440779771227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144850834339916,0.14835366043726034,0.0,0.2681386498925935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057688774512235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052063546327296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117041451575778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476197438597401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910740831220934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955480369804647
suicidewatch,EKUSUCALIBA,2018/04/10,"There really is no reason for me to stay Think about it. I kill myself. Worst case scenario: hell, eternal punishment, all that jazz. Best case scenario, there is no longer a ""me"" that can contemplate the nothingness that comes after death. ""I"" would no longer exist. That sounds like a hell of a deal to me.


I'm only living right now because I know my parents would be devastated if I killed myself. That guilt is what keeps me alive. But what if, like I mentioned earlier, there is no ""me"" to experience that guilt? No ""me"" to see/be aware of my parent's anguish? Maybe I'm not making any sense right now.",2.768438228438228,4.987145051282057,3.5855322455322463,88.30062937062941,77.11965811965811,6.647707847707848,21.747474747474747,7.686295010490155,0.8750239316239309,469,13,94,7,11,149,71,117,0.35600000000000004,0.5660000000000001,0.078,-0.992,2,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,5,3,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,13,15,3,3,4,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,0,1,15,3,9,12,3,8,2,0,0,0,4,2,2,2,6,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285840052783587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526421112629505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198432611754022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628796317070792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949379097522092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849610116397649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806707162369405,0.4183881675422456,0.0,0.10391594574870408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475435941633064,0.0,0.16696515727907008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621543218070386,0.0,0.1899608854864267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380735127526606,0.0,0.0,0.419912121383603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113243022782452,0.19441045065231302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229544136684809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067593747280886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201539014578153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115777045708802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26864053545929506,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No_Still,2018/04/10,"I'm really tired So, when I was a teen I struggled a lot in life. One day, I sent some dick pics to a guy I met in internet. Separately, I sent a pic of my face with my username written in paper. I was 15 at that time and the person I was sending them was also 15 (he sent me the same pics of himself). Then I asked him if he deleted my photos and he said that yeah and I was so worried of having done so that I got deeply depressed and attempted suicide. I thought that everybody will hate me, and I'll lose my job and my career will be ruined, etc.
Throught years I tried to forget about it just for the sake of not suffering. But... was I right about everything that would happen to me if that came out? Was I right about attempting to kill myself?",1.9484615384615367,3.3961338216560537,3.6257324840764333,90.57819696227342,77.02547770700637,6.868985791278785,23.541891229789318,7.61054688173877,0.9096118569328752,578,18,130,8,13,193,94,157,0.22,0.7509999999999999,0.029,-0.9856,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,3,9,7,2,1,7,1,13,4,2,0,0,20,26,15,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,7,0,1,17,1,26,0,18,5,4,17,0,4,0,1,15,7,1,4,5,93,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226624672540295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800231407566616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177717903484696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279501916994212,0.0,0.1639949411484468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948497017744684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235112115010185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112310391096655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228370928004248,0.0,0.0,0.1885301883674352,0.16837389013890544,0.0,0.0,0.18798482278348602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889468839218318,0.0,0.21065414278801808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448818519355854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301370369882372,0.0,0.16187492354286045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902287867607073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662536870370117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197786760255484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252084568766946,0.1811180876474549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905191139110304,0.0,0.20827139596359429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115974266309146,0.11102627619231087,0.21884172865627952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292720185223261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193364805039304,0.0,0.13525774891704587,0.0,0.0,0.12261412397827255
suicidewatch,x1xannax1x,2018/04/10,"Advice? I’m sorry if this doesn’t follow the rules for this sub but I’ve posted in three different ones hoping for advice. Last night I found out my friend committed suicide. I’m in denial, and I just want some advice, if anyone else has lost someone please just give me some tips on how to deal with it

Thank you ",1.4662723214285691,3.839382546875002,2.5413392857142867,93.126875,82.90625,4.9071428571428575,15.392857142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.5367830357142861,249,4,51,2,7,79,51,64,0.133,0.631,0.236,0.7876,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,15,11,5,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,5,3,8,9,2,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,5,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708572461224928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361582027181047,0.1995216390267392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007558073666016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203449101282898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267008676215794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135089775512656,0.15044621226589394,0.0,0.0,0.1868006458605792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934086392587138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872914383877262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256839240499295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273884546845587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319525942693616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375264451809375,0.0,0.0,0.18649540098158715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499222976624636,0.0,0.0,0.2179818251956392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300060339294427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792791921946899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485549939523818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OddSightYT,2018/04/10,"I fuckin' hate life if truth be told. It's just a load of bullshit and bullshit on top of each other. I really fucking hate life, it's shit. Nobody 'has your back', nobody is 'there for you'. They always leave when you need it the most.",0.9343750000000028,3.0441320208333345,2.1665000000000028,96.62850000000002,82.95833333333334,4.673333333333334,15.85,5.6839178017228535,-0.7811299999999997,179,3,40,1,5,57,38,48,0.336,0.594,0.07,-0.9493,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,1,4,6,5,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,1,7,8,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,4,6,2,4,0,0,0,2,5,2,3,2,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393942003931562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122793387012452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659792951437901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680996543188153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046388080726834,0.0,0.0,0.40643010636248667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133301402853354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431164652949064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953257794009026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27491513761566755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_end12345,2018/04/10,"I'm ending in the stupidest way possible I have a disorder that has drained the life out of me and I can barely go to the store anymore.
It's treatable, but I can't afford it. Banks and credit agencies won't help me out, because of being currently unemployed.
I used to have a good salary before this, but now I can barely walk up a staircase.
I have no one to get help from and i'm about to become homeless.
Also my health is deteriorating.
I'm imagining jumping off really high, however I have a hard time imagining nonexistence, I'm trying to work up the nerve.
I just rather die quickly than wither away slowly.
Funny thing is I have health insurance, but in my country the healthcare system is so bad, they don't cover half the things.
This is so pathetic I'm so ashamed that I ended up in this situation. If I had attended to this years ago, I would be fine now.
If someone robs and shoots me or hits me with a car he would be doing me a huge favor.",2.8655412371134013,4.5206992010309275,4.770708762886597,82.45492912371138,75.03092783505154,7.9427835051546385,26.042525773195877,8.660442795831766,1.9251865979381444,751,27,150,15,16,257,118,194,0.202,0.7040000000000001,0.094,-0.9749,6,0,0,1,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,10,6,0,1,12,0,22,3,0,1,0,20,31,14,1,5,8,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,0,3,5,4,2,0,2,1,1,20,4,22,23,0,28,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,3,9,108,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455811231875952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943426910703774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291658161990936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381536189369214,0.0,0.14558189712186534,0.10628720103296548,0.19256504314917666,0.14836607076915312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095638724369373,0.0,0.1998297169084804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088594021234173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109501510931856,0.0,0.09909183968790504,0.14624346923746825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619078888146692,0.0,0.0,0.3706694379892373,0.0,0.0,0.2337373856638584,0.18421911634452146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315442331624295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814969616166796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656278485738876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169839135175699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598603395145334,0.0,0.0,0.1477332213425411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167181330444694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016697265840484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837784017332605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058958901929126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839750242316468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693491862495507,0.0,0.0,0.24771826674526054,0.0,0.0,0.11228102830919698
suicidewatch,GoldCoaster4Cx,2018/04/10,Going to attempt Have had depression ever since my mom killed herself when I was 11. Dad abandoned me. Raised in a foster home. My fiancee just broke up with me. Don’t have anyone I can leave a suicide note for so I thought Id just leave a message here. Hope you guys get better and dont follow my suit. Bye ya’ll.,0.4580384615384645,2.810659169230771,1.9202884615384617,95.76658653846157,88.07692307692307,3.8653846153846163,20.43269230769231,5.148860815047168,-0.23850000000000016,246,8,52,1,8,79,53,65,0.284,0.638,0.079,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,12,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,0,10,2,5,9,0,6,0,3,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779390297480568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223560759532864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668740995385607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812452307570958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706828451651156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537539150934526,0.0,0.13638153724815058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376098680782193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071134002417824,0.23834620171547424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654933064642134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081910975616726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810521401780973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850720101943772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26249026401505554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051085040510515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,p4r3sh,2018/04/10,"In the process I'm 24 years old. I've had Ulcerative Colitis for 6 years. Forced me to drop out of college, but I ended up in an IT apprenticeship. That started 3 years ago, and I still haven't completed it. Late last year I has emergency surgery, which led to most of my large intestine being removed, and now my small intestine stick out of my abdomen, and excretes waste into an unsightly bag.
I've always been skinny and struggle to gain weight no matter how much I eat. Imagine a 173cm man who weighs less than 45kg. I don't have the energy or health to gain muscle.
I've never had an actual job, and applying for any kinds of jobs has been unsuccessful.
I don't see myself ever being successful, in a relationship, or healthy.
Yesterday I stopped eating, drinking, and sleeping. I've tried to OD in the past, but nothing happened. I've tried to hang myself, but my parents pulled me up and saved me.
I don't want to be saved. I argued with my mum and stopped talking to my family completely. I've tried to think of reasons to live, but they don't matter when I compare them to a bleak future. I used to be able to deal with depression on my own, and then with talking to someone, and then going to a therapy session. As time goes by I think putting in effort to improve myself will still end up with me being lonely and miserable. I can't be optimistic anymore. I don't feel sad, or cry anymore. I just want my existence to fade away. I've decided that I'll continue to stay silent until I do. If I pretend that noone is talking to me, I'll wither away without any drama. Yesterday they tried to ask what's wrong, but the lack of response makes them think I'm angry, not depressed.",4.117228796844183,5.20022383431953,5.368180473372785,81.65935157790929,71.01183431952663,8.59191321499014,30.059664694280077,8.959647251330699,2.448342800788955,1328,54,262,25,24,443,186,338,0.17800000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.105,-0.97,4,2,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,4,4,7,12,1,2,11,0,23,12,5,5,2,53,38,26,1,4,12,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,18,6,2,7,3,0,6,11,8,0,0,4,3,37,4,51,27,5,53,0,5,1,0,15,15,0,5,30,167,45,5,0.10325890479851016,0.0,0.10076579580725503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153278881807707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859196806907575,0.0,0.0,0.1404391923234203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481017412940905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653313705907267,0.0,0.19403028026698066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652999419672347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342505825653405,0.0,0.10645539676396952,0.1778734867924028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115441562691548,0.0,0.21131927644543835,0.0,0.0,0.18291348156954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340359107411833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734330563684793,0.0,0.052210804849068176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868441519938821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131150849555254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975938719674083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049370598042617,0.0,0.0,0.10752825943926818,0.0,0.08416978919322098,0.11648054225403202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117950472791783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892612077154195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590717614876731,0.0,0.0796396330901706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907970406223328,0.0,0.10835285056862053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465679391123408,0.0,0.0985723086187972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380371962338072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061673518791773,0.0,0.11086142018724908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228397814894059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333347714463888,0.0,0.08749093494796625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308718428705177,0.11006025348075517,0.16492538951411034,0.1726581360784854,0.0,0.10794862720728272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24898678889773998,0.0,0.0,0.1180855567398827,0.0,0.0,0.19849241034915344,0.0,0.0,0.060211097774127025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804240730626464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918254010165459,0.0,0.0,0.12180955479226716,0.0,0.0,0.12574152793366944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953789942315312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289740254273058,0.0,0.2659813968562513
suicidewatch,under_cross,2018/04/10,"Oh... Fuck it Some of you may know... I'm psychotic, depressed, anxious and fat all at the same time.

Now... I'm having a bad fucking day.

So I'm here to vent a bit. It might sound funny to you... and that's fine. I would love nothing more than to make someone's shitty sad face turn into a smile... even for a second.

Today started like every other day... I woke up. Now I got a book yesterday called altered carbon. I had plans today... to read it. Well I've read fucking none of it. I've spent all day THINKING about reading it.. but actually reading it? I just go.... nahh... fuck that.

I've been for a shit today and I've put some clothes away. Normally when I go do bullshit tasks like clothes and loading up the dishwasher and emptying it for the millionth time... I listen to some music and usually things go alright. This time I just didn't. So that made everything worse.

When I went for a shit I got even more upset because... I'm so fat now that when I look down to admire my flacid 5 inches of my dick... Well I couldn't see the fucking thing unless I held a mirror there. I tried holding in all my fattiness to sort of push it out the way and I only managed to see the tip of my penis.

Now I don't wanna have a shower that I desperately need because I don't wanna look down and NOT be able to see my dick! Plus there's always that shitty feeling after a shower. You think it will make you feel better and you get out and dry yourself and sit down and all of a sudden..... ""hmmmm... I felt better before the shower""

Then I spent some time googling quick and easy ways to kill myself and all I get is articles with people responding with things like... ""I'm worried about you... please go get help""... no.. don't tell me that. I came here to find out how to die fast using a fork and bleach. I just want one simple answer... not a wall of text trying to make the original poster feel better. That ain't helping me!!!!

So I decided to come here and tell you about my crappy day. Also the weather outside is damp and 100% cloud covered. I can't see the fucking Sun or the blue sky which is pretty much the last nice thing to look at on this crappy planet and society of ours.

I just wish I could beat my mental illness and get off all the fucking meds and go back to drinking cider all day. Only then... I might be able to tolerate that awful fucking cloudy grey British sky.

Who knows.. maybe I am ready to get off the meds. Maybe I'm ready to live again. But every time I try taper off meds by day 3 I am FUCKED. So fucked that I overdose on all that I missed and fall asleep for about 18 hours and wake up not remembering anything.",1.704100185528759,3.523430875695737,3.1708719851576994,91.92120593692024,78.83302411873841,5.735807050092765,21.204081632653054,6.591547111509431,0.2766118738404453,2018,55,438,18,49,661,256,539,0.18,0.7090000000000001,0.111,-0.9945,3,0,1,0,0,1,108.0,1,7,0,5,35,31,13,1,27,2,25,22,9,7,8,89,88,39,2,9,11,0,4,3,0,5,3,2,3,0,29,31,3,2,12,6,2,11,12,18,2,2,13,15,51,13,64,66,18,72,0,3,9,13,17,23,14,9,38,276,80,6,0.11845308728094382,0.0,0.057796563061468575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736344555132453,0.04928122884836159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690913614832887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873839898754029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556452873688194,0.0455415562231619,0.04945169004541347,0.07220790256465663,0.0,0.0503974263969808,0.0,0.0,0.15714319456794,0.06466004611507946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047692298147776,0.06773938779344339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101842306969498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728757578919884,0.0,0.0,0.2291773257503868,0.0,0.05101173525203392,0.0,0.06146780163348304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801946498700791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823714699139064,0.0,0.09980183487395797,0.0,0.05322899847447636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984016006943302,0.0,0.05686676985717736,0.0,0.05413198790808483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475398523180663,0.154717122833526,0.0,0.16829904813556992,0.0,0.09473775479402707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939660752049893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058326215207164335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552539539569999,0.0,0.06509871895375158,0.04827753792846298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680529272337954,0.0,0.05229812311511711,0.0,0.14920614021544928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053454267994174735,0.056041587630530035,0.11860253334499048,0.0,0.11900204735076375,0.0,0.19736201494815733,0.0,0.059686425757864627,0.1256600066189176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043538324269199694,0.0439157316526004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802943778176911,0.056829465971748025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013343876578078,0.09008891057769854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106022804299594,0.0,0.0,0.06501295951998208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060254687209146875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059539034839794,0.0,0.0,0.23697028473724735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670921284199815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887835487800053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159039187728544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050182458229173235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192085242607319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353321931470852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738993556596145,0.07589995540359579,0.0,0.0,0.17267736942003226,0.0,0.16841951457957088,0.0,0.0,0.12063280619835227,0.06442147215069435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115271766251574,0.06522967035692015,0.0,0.03493334994598333,0.09402254714623827,0.0,0.0,0.10650355110946434,0.054903599320067095,0.0,0.0,0.06810760226748537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014742999174245,0.06035690783482055,0.042072837309638976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shinnieshine,2018/04/10,"I hate myself more than anything else in the world Hello everyone, I have a depression for about 7 months right now and it's killing me everyday.

Everyone around me is cheering me up but it's not work at all

My brain is full of bullshit about ""You're an useless piece of shit who's can't make anything work and make everyone worried about you.""

I'm tried, I'm so fucking tried for this shit, I want to live for everyone who's loved me and even for myself who's a little bit believe in myself but man... It's so though.

For real... I hate myself and I wanna go away from this bullshit.

Reason of this post is I don't want to throw my bad feeling to everyone around me, I know they have enough shit to go through, I just want to drop it down a bit to some place that no one is known me.

Thanks Reddit, I love you all.",2.101519933554816,3.4985184709302324,3.3339867109634547,93.04174418604653,76.5,6.542192691029903,23.332225913621265,7.1686216300943375,0.6427179401993359,635,19,145,7,14,206,94,172,0.267,0.619,0.114,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,2,11,14,7,0,5,0,8,7,4,3,2,24,25,9,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,10,0,1,0,1,24,4,29,25,9,21,0,2,0,3,10,13,4,1,3,99,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831264855672135,0.1981024017532406,0.0,0.0,0.10453898903033934,0.0,0.09290327946236827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535978244484774,0.0,0.0,0.2429494453581772,0.0,0.0,0.124210746258163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958340855818657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929492831095972,0.0,0.0,0.11496853237776546,0.0,0.07349078994676024,0.0,0.0,0.5316018312187669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625992755225392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102864528734963,0.0,0.0,0.12647117611414846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197062112838848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231004261884372,0.0,0.06114942152683294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151874338868886,0.09825078056299306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084558458400897,0.0,0.1485431443654162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881224072772331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539738427582797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116250310612955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656300841482036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664618102872524,0.0,0.114400985435944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502139172712767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34264186358870496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243968465651944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093192414896174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108594935492567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968844403259825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200737113180538,0.11299701774265945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sadman_cry,2018/04/10,Im way over my head I'm so confused right now it feels like I'm being strangeld it feels like I will kill myself the first second I get time to think,-0.6950000000000003,1.297818029411765,0.9132352941176478,103.65455882352943,89.29411764705883,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.5761529411764703,119,2,30,0,4,38,26,34,0.204,0.6629999999999999,0.133,-0.5706,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,4,2,2,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110566224183528,0.4394891377307356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616385298746733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607046969474052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156792565647004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33225332635019994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403061864314557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005488986406842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626828228731644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970932355137704,0.0,0.0,0.1793600075680065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441530819057661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,powerranger1204,2018/04/10,"I'm scared There aren't any available suicide prevention hotlines where I live. I don't have a therapist. My school councillor won't do anything because she already hates me a lot.

I'm having waves of suicidal thoughts and I'm scared. I have no one to talk to. My sibling is too young and innocent to understand, my parents will be deeply upset, and there are no hotlines I can use.

My friends won't care because they're already dealing with their own problems and I don't aant to be a burden.

I'm scared. Please help me. I just want someone to talk to. Please.",1.6756387362637355,4.231863473214291,2.625357142857144,91.5850274725275,83.91071428571428,5.589010989010989,28.258241758241766,7.010146845296331,1.5512958791208789,447,22,89,6,13,141,67,112,0.254,0.603,0.142,-0.9317,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,4,3,0,15,0,0,1,0,13,25,4,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,1,0,14,2,8,19,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,1,54,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372008889295608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038980518377149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572784203424167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627086559806655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577300971560026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751312932526615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804019021905793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508421228129962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240759171165953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491067204291454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298911089514911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353008622061943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964804938356212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335420911417155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619322160458526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588889546778826,0.15462510733994464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945300445220556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342408075630505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24560325715183326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739347506437164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129307105514887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905306170995656,0.0,0.1319559308367736,0.0,0.0,0.09011569511871516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jordyshores,2018/04/10,"I dont see the point in living. I feel like no one likes me, I just want to die. I say that a lot but no one notices..or just doesn't care. Everything is falling apart, I just don't feel anything. Everyone thinks I'm so happy, imagine if they had an assembly at school tomorrow saying I had killed myself? Nothing would change, no one would care. I'm scared to talk to someone, they would think I'm just saying it. I want to just be done with it, there's no point. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who my real friends are, I don't know what I want in live anymore. I feel so lonely, I'm in my room crying my eyes out..I'm sure they can hear me, they just choose to ignore me. My silence is treated like rudeness. I am sick of life, no one would care. People would be happy, one less annoying, useless person in the world. I know I'm only 15 but there is no point..just get it over and done with you know. I have no parents, or family apart from my disabled  brothers and , my uncle who hates me, my dog got rehomed, someone I consider to be a grandfather has terminal cancer and I'm sure he's wife isn't far behind,people at school hate me, the one place I felt like I was happy is changing and my ""friend"" is becoming close with everyone there and spreading rumours. I just want to die. I'm so tired, I just want to leave this earth for good. ",1.2877165991902828,3.0181970982456154,2.969210526315792,93.29851214574906,79.77192982456141,5.928475033738192,21.838731443994604,6.8449194561589275,0.4075937921727397,1043,31,236,11,26,345,138,285,0.275,0.5770000000000001,0.147,-0.9932,1,2,0,0,0,5,45.0,0,1,4,0,14,25,5,1,6,0,31,5,1,0,2,49,63,12,3,11,12,3,4,4,2,5,4,4,1,1,9,9,0,1,13,0,0,1,14,9,0,6,7,10,40,16,21,48,2,18,0,2,2,0,22,16,0,3,5,145,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066868415472932,0.0,0.0,0.06665950659664058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946271030555289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24776736323576504,0.0,0.17138328224814206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897924596624833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813902030370914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657907219373717,0.0949362507533008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480585744941758,0.07280129935841782,0.0,0.07636349558524311,0.0,0.12287438379587713,0.05786937499653045,0.0777766791517553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516719783408092,0.0,0.042321320701450366,0.0,0.0,0.06794243081977883,0.06478641196500738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586912452301677,0.0,0.15994963912552826,0.0,0.0,0.09129755486708074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961908099902448,0.0,0.2225887891106052,0.0,0.0,0.08577168995690226,0.0,0.0,0.057215620840659225,0.15829812777660032,0.0,0.1430562823237296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886682451480212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772565862895371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32934301680742795,0.06160729992868126,0.0,0.0,0.0899455131339237,0.0,0.0,0.11231614492676988,0.07072969203340015,0.08463208719550926,0.0,0.22972529020011076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220044728729412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325323417946624,0.08109927710136762,0.16396103195545422,0.06454981327174428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726909274218796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269088976418488,0.0,0.0,0.06510806069434574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380836636025204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310234466240556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889170751816596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877150906104071,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IwannaDieNowPlease,2018/04/10,I want to die. Soon I’m not sure why I’m doing this but I need to tell somebody. I’ve always been alone. I’ve never had any friends and my parents never treated me as an individual. At this moment I have nothing to live for and all I’m doing is just prolonging the inevitable. I’m going to kill myself. Thank you. ,0.05093283582089825,2.255093104477613,2.8225186567164187,89.74333022388063,88.10447761194028,4.544029850746268,20.315298507462693,5.985473137389443,0.11365820895522386,246,8,52,2,8,86,48,67,0.227,0.711,0.061,-0.9171,1,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,4,11,14,4,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,4,7,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676569259966255,0.0,0.0,0.21503557462803247,0.0,0.0,0.17574217093669933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682109264371029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996634096593127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687248419287896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859159842584127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281996049780054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162356158335456,0.3986363572822892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479718374848386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28695741610643954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435684764201885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258803790884837,0.23792885347817985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524294981042547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331940849388163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway84836252839,2018/04/10,"Everything I want to say but can't I'm a shitty person
I have no friends
Whenever I have a friend I fuck it up
I'm a fuck.up
 A shitty person
They will never like me
They will never forgive me
I don't want to be here anymore
I don't want have anywhere to go
I have no one anywhere
I have no one anymore
I can't let myself be happy
I can't be happy 
I can't feel anything
I'm a shitty person
I don't have anyone I can have a conversation with
I fucked up
I'm always going to fuck up
I will succumb to depression again
I wish I had never treated people how I do
That won't stop me
I'm a shitty person
I seek happiness but it's never there
I need someone 
I NEED HELP
Would anybody care?
HELP
I can't get joy from life 
I'm crippling myself
I am the reason I'm depressed 
I want to die.
NO ONE WILL EVER LIKE ME AS MUCH AS THE PEOPLE I FUCK OVER THE MOST
I want to get away but it won't change Anything
I will still be a shitty person
Even if I had someone to talk to I wouldn't have the ability to have a single fucking conversation
I'd fuck it all up anyway
It's for the best I don't talk
Death won't solve shit
Nothing will solve this
The damage is done
No one will forgive me
I am afraid
I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
I need help
I'm afraid of what I'll do to myself
I'm afraid of what I'll do to others
I do not want to hurt anyone but I do anyway
I can't communicate how sorry I am
I can't tell anyone anything
I will continue to pretend to be happy
I will put on another smile and crack another joke while I slowly die inside while moving from brief friendship to brief friendship leaving a path of destruction
I AM NOT OK.
But I can act the part


Help.",-1.047040816326529,0.983447484293194,1.9687327705951496,94.83313762154076,92.48167539267016,4.374911849556576,17.220002136980447,5.9561762281905315,-0.3864700929586489,1337,36,309,12,49,470,135,382,0.2,0.495,0.304,0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,1,10,31,8,3,17,1,55,8,1,3,6,42,92,13,3,19,8,0,1,2,2,14,1,1,0,5,10,2,0,1,4,2,0,7,26,15,0,4,3,2,58,16,32,69,6,25,0,4,0,6,27,7,7,2,13,212,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142202015496717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960403971019022,0.0,0.0,0.12257672302031405,0.12963465327652512,0.0,0.15256682880837602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806253527916039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485461811414854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300856867161513,0.0,0.0653755311091357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645540054779484,0.0,0.12827596260654414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324220400872975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040817896017138096,0.05590106136505101,0.0,0.0,0.055541282073250084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031247614489152163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549206817030732,0.3999276029769375,0.06457523235180941,0.0,0.07024400363000922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26314628168877074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142280993761023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615749560689319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543660165105042,0.0,0.06319403508210189,0.043650717282695525,0.06038409371803979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568294201808318,0.045429642084883114,0.4124109974201065,0.1906539123503736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929815495443765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750738935120785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692268716809363,0.0,0.08568779323629556,0.2698040976467101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062125428303741785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354003720963332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049145333419970516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343615741607057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047247984187446,0.0,0.0,0.06917932661103246,0.0,0.0,0.049353050636818094,0.05166703415310763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934397314706207,0.054015366648944435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187051906351882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106621686081509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390049393390557,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,girlinblack101,2018/04/10,. i wish this pain could just go away and stop killing me inside because soon I'll be dead on the outside too. ,1.9313043478260887,3.6119188695652182,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,77.69565217391305,4.6000000000000005,24.54347826086957,3.1291,-0.10393913043478252,86,3,20,0,2,26,22,23,0.4320000000000001,0.486,0.08199999999999999,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659233215581525,0.0,0.0,0.2374195264198811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109630234547504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213468547683403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308948962862464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144274311160394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256174168328022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478754845831713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iaintaboi,2018/04/10,are there any good reasons to live dont you fucking dare say family my family is directly responsible for everything thats made me suicidal and they never do anything to help me i just want a reason to live all i can think of is my dogs and smash bros is coming this year those are my only reasons to live,2.1366666666666667,4.2474470317460336,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,78.6825396825397,8.009523809523811,23.198412698412696,8.841846274778883,1.8271079365079368,245,8,49,6,6,84,47,63,0.067,0.795,0.138,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,4,2,12,13,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,6,12,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169201752264673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726045854847858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414942902790507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972786227477094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082856405339727,0.0,0.33739593796556383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654362297508738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500946230814607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994629566772645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740479222425279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693266513404833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801713702806584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609940578060728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5519706727788959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423080834438646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574206393339488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466382225029538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055492432772584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523782026739544
suicidewatch,Noneedformyname900,2018/04/10,"I was a crazy mistake Life's been flushed like shit down the toilet.  It's crazy how fast it happens.  My few friends want nothing to do with me.  I was laughed at for being a ""crazy motherfucker"" for trying to reach out to them.  I came out to one of them I was molested when I was 11 by my brother and then they wanted nothing to do with me.  The person that used to stare into my eyes and tell me I was the only one they loved is somewhere in another state far away, with a new phone and life.  Maybe i'm just destined not to know what it means to love and be loved.  Maybe i'm just a terrible person that deserves all they can get.  

Now I'm in the company of a new dependable set of friends, cheapass vodka, and best friend oxy.  True friends to the end

",2.6016666666666666,3.7718442356687945,3.717595541401277,91.71210456475583,74.79617834394905,7.016772823779192,25.82218683651805,7.492282038375204,1.0573740976645438,583,20,133,7,12,189,92,157,0.13,0.655,0.215,0.9393,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,1,5,15,2,0,10,0,12,7,2,3,2,25,26,8,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,6,12,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,2,7,2,17,11,26,17,3,19,0,0,2,3,17,9,1,1,8,88,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108693423905398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353737193546061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512095679119621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479621736199146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761759806818498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452825345956897,0.0,0.07527908779406936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274149427389787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918600232557768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035446755000991,0.07039323478699429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39013023829601856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28950789046895764,0.15695210217735808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783186820102899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27650917234160666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952730638339175,0.10958404093300954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516210084175066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790240435918378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259376816808557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782506553828467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444420673350776,0.0,0.0,0.16997153704533474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slushy05,2018/04/10,"I don’t want to live anymore Here I am again. Turning back to my old ways. I just need help. Someone, please help me.",-2.162399999999998,-0.7859904400000008,-0.4239999999999995,107.00800000000002,113.4,2.0,17.0,3.1291,-1.3602000000000003,89,3,22,0,5,28,21,25,0.0,0.654,0.34600000000000003,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154091493681627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445522983690221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263495686598017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808341934016588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358218295741628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33372834698993525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34911122923589794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694733451271532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459350181528434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758759531969374,0.2524444914711557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aramil_,2018/04/10,"Reasons to live, and love? Not sure if this is the right place for this, but yah.
What happens to unrequited love when the recipient basically doesn't exist anymore??  
My best friend and Only reason for not killing myself for a long while left because my problems were getting too much for her (being suicidal and my love for her) I don't blame her but yah.  She doesn't live near me and I'm blocked everywhere online, so besides a Few pics I have of her, she literally doesn't exist anywhere else.  It's very difficult to move on considering the mention of love and romance and anything of the sort is Constant in songs and everything else pretty much.  I have no clue how she's doing in her life, of course I'd love for her to be happy but I can only wish for that.  What happens to the strong love if that person just disappears from my life?

I'm 18 and I still don't have a reason for living, plus I have a lot of other problems, that I don't see as problems cuz I'm indifferent.  Dad had ALS and was given till Christmas to live and it was very drawn out and he passed a 2 weeks ago, college drop out cuz I stopped caring, and Literally no friends except for older coworkers and I don't see any other people all day every day besides my mom.  I am Honestly fine with my dad's death and that, surprisingly, is the last thing on my mind. 

My life is really shitty right now but I'm fine.  I play games all day, apply to other part time jobs besides papa johns, and nothing else.  I'm totally fine with that but I can't get over Her.  And I don't have a reason for living, games just make it tolerable and me living gives no promise of ""things getting better.""  I'm not really suicidal right now but I wouldn't mind dying.  But that eliminates the Tiniest possibility of ever seeing her again.  

The hurting loved ones by killing myself isnt an issue.  I'm not thinking irrationally, and I don't need to be talked down.  I've gone to a mental hospital on my own volition with no success of finding answers of ""why continue living,"" etc.  I've been depressed for many years.  I've been significantly suicidal since the summer in terms of thinking about ""reasons to live"" daily.  So this isn't something new.

This got longer than I expected but any advice would be appreciated.  I'm more or less looking for a whole hearted conversation elsewhere so yah.

Thanks
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suicidewatch,nerdette12,2018/04/10,"Too much of a wuss to finish the job I don't have family.  I've tried to alert my friends to the fact that I've got a real problem over here, and I hear things like ""It will all work out!"" or ""You're being dramatic!"" 

And I guess, if I can't even off myself, perhaps I am just being dramatic.  It feels like the only exit, and I'm too chicken to do it.

I can't help but think, the world would go on just fine without me.  I'd only be missed by a few, an only for a short amount of time.  They'd be ok without me.  Maybe some of them would even be better off.",1.374130824372763,1.919938330645163,3.5817204301075267,93.92313620071684,76.98387096774194,6.478853046594982,20.229390681003586,6.42735559955562,-0.06175878136200685,419,8,106,3,9,145,80,124,0.053,0.8059999999999999,0.141,0.8521,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,2,7,8,0,0,9,1,15,0,0,0,2,21,23,6,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,2,12,6,16,13,5,11,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,4,4,73,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686548592065135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25190543657009856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797709443670471,0.0,0.09642148098911138,0.1362330536773835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473310328839768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837676685625576,0.0,0.1525167800641202,0.0,0.2100728243300412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492792506514166,0.0,0.12781931504887908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892360678312132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863285834667461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157947243352594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401832889403566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350980427180645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247004092138575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170534671425393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668975657703258,0.1221901113271536,0.0,0.0,0.11119620232142677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946986982801564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36764771984153494,0.0,0.13882874841220327,0.0,0.0,0.2709295228107845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redtassic,2018/04/10,"Would someone commit suicide if they’ve planned for the future? I’m asking because of my best friend. I suspect that he’s suicidal, he’s been joking about suicide, he’s losing modivation to do school (he loves school), he’s swearing a lot (he believed swearing was wrong just a few months ago), and he’s dreading church (he loved church). He’s just not himself, and looking into his eyes he looks tortured. He even said that his mom would be mad if he killed himself. I wanted to say that I’d be devastated but I was too shocked to say anything. I’m getting really worried because he hasn’t been on Snapchat or Facebook in days. I texted him and he hasn’t replied, and not being on his phone at all is very unlike him. He plans to go college next year because he wants to be a veterinarian, and he’s been working very hard to keep up his perfect 4.0 gpa. I’m planning on calling him tomorrow to see if he’s alright, since it’s 2 in the morning. I just wish I called him tonight like I planned, I’m so scared I can’t sleep. I’m especially worried because his parents are emotionally abusive. He is Christian so maybe it’s against his religion to commit suicide, but idk if that would be enough to stop him. I don’t know if I’m just getting really worked up over nothing or if something really is wrong. I just have a gut feeling that he’s not alright.",2.717939560439561,4.643686293040293,3.8447847985348,87.75750686813187,76.1794871794872,6.161721611721612,30.42261904761905,6.996647511020387,1.7017717948717943,1070,52,215,11,24,347,141,273,0.22,0.6659999999999999,0.114,-0.9846,1,0,1,0,0,5,32.0,0,0,0,9,10,18,3,2,6,2,23,5,3,0,4,40,45,17,5,12,18,2,2,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,2,3,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,9,24,9,23,31,5,20,3,1,4,2,45,10,0,9,10,115,31,6,0.0,0.12060347056056965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022991929157702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376377834943555,0.0,0.0951590930230968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481988276656268,0.0,0.0,0.11468148911523365,0.10682140867214343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787615831088035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656455659728015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449906719266935,0.0,0.10517537791895698,0.0,0.06723075824622805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146764092420306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864202685624354,0.0,0.1063612351091216,0.0,0.05784910648399748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118306417845627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047485281552332,0.11261458747522017,0.0,0.05594064206610741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049729025780390415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709544605076415,0.11387599622358947,0.0,0.0865374755800859,0.18373732207494284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022608592453631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921419506465207,0.08124710987590353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825389110968853,0.0,0.0,0.0976694124193785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130247793651675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562616323655893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968247690492563,0.16189359827370994,0.10190867316981858,0.20603206113970146,0.08111275536600404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420101753743409,0.0,0.10186263767631874,0.0,0.08624559680782437,0.07836224276688403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510026780872612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453631346416129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797337963685333,0.12007572848778512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705247235764965,0.0,0.0,0.14820739320614024,0.2067435984265503,0.0,0.21692422558878466,0.22258086203197724,0.0,0.06554886036275982
suicidewatch,frankencries,2018/04/10,No point When my depression first started i never thought id digress to the point where im at now. I said to myself id never self harm but i just smashed all then knuckles in my right hand and cut myself on my arm and legs because i wanted to feel something thats not utter sadness i keep fantasizing about taking a hand full of pills or just taking my dads gun and shooting myself I feel like every second of living is agony  and i can quiet all the sadness if i kill myself i dont see a point in living anymore,4.077619047619049,4.494272370370371,5.395661375661381,83.85833333333333,70.66666666666666,6.912169312169312,27.46560846560846,6.18269132825596,1.1414164021164022,408,13,82,2,7,137,71,108,0.166,0.667,0.16699999999999998,0.0111,0,0,1,2,0,4,1.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,4,0,3,5,4,0,4,19,13,9,1,2,6,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,2,7,17,1,10,11,3,17,0,3,1,0,3,10,0,2,8,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778679971884426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093307038422406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447475196568675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019803418328228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511109513497719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813705071942888,0.12812838896803558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255586746877042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937298548689245,0.0,0.0,0.15941540790305986,0.1984253064749592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762183836393636,0.0,0.31674043459074663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766530929390394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086339940654167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316477252703029,0.17060387027740398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429195249333863,0.0,0.18710220614807327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807316073066953,0.0,0.0,0.1269455596582478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696992603162929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238465888982238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057858655772968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dootdoot5005,2018/04/10,"Lost, confused, and finished The only thing stopping me from killing myself is the stigma that would surround my family for the rest of their lives after my death. I have no real passion in life, feel like I am headed nowhere, and ultimately feel entirely trapped by everyone that knows me and everyone around me. I only care for three people, one of whom is likely going to be gone from my life within the year and I will likely only seldom talk to. I cannot stand this life any longer, and I feel utterly lost and hopeless every single day. I want the torment to end, I want to be happy, and I want to feel the joy that thousands of those my age are feeling. Sadly, I feel as if I can't. 
Thanks for reading my emotional regurgitation.",6.610996503496505,6.392310265734268,7.059571678321677,76.28628059440561,65.22377622377623,9.387762237762237,31.86101398601399,8.841846274778883,2.56342027972028,580,20,107,8,8,190,90,143,0.192,0.6659999999999999,0.142,-0.8822,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,2,1,14,1,1,6,0,11,5,1,0,0,23,27,9,2,5,1,0,6,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,7,1,0,2,3,6,0,3,3,6,21,8,19,20,2,14,0,4,0,1,3,4,0,2,10,78,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515737507585993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456759815827766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266822572723378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024344142828852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740270817493515,0.12393667667968684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789727902262008,0.2674187196334913,0.0,0.0,0.13191379546355986,0.0,0.4245176627271257,0.09996620555923784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952559133743213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895836354781553,0.0,0.0,0.14360881643390505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481210007392676,0.0,0.07690201129266272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29651064217470835,0.20508857036092332,0.0,0.12356098304303198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055008166425222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482036546286288,0.3192698042266437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701002328125877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399681269138023,0.15927127028290725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169879628535816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247064236177637,0.0,0.1288289829988924,0.0,0.0,0.09296344687553568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476034780910292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940244176536933,0.0,0.0,0.09011049951627577
suicidewatch,Maverick_Kenmore,2018/04/10,"Struggling to find a reason to keep going Hey there. I've never done something like this, but I'm at a breaking point, and I am struggling to find a reason to keep going. I cannot find any joy in anything and struggle to see a future where I'll ever be happy as it seems like most of my life has just been misery, where the good times were just getting by, and my existence is to be alone. 

I just don't understand why I can't connect with people. I try to message people or talk to people, to socialise and organise actually having human contact and its just failure. Am I that uninteresting, repulsive or just not worth the effort? How do you get by or make things okay if everyone you know just wants to keep you at arms length?

How do I keep going? ",4.514210526315793,5.153136736842106,5.63142105263158,81.7609473684211,69.78947368421052,7.922105263157895,27.7,7.908726449838941,1.6617689473684203,592,19,117,7,10,197,94,152,0.191,0.741,0.068,-0.9594,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,1,12,9,0,3,6,1,15,2,1,5,2,37,31,13,0,2,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,4,8,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,3,1,12,6,18,26,1,14,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,6,6,81,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.12576438258117073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347666602597946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764009737261254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605396466471156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188488982132032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165757176648515,0.0,0.12314653808627432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533709796849661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346647786457435,0.0,0.21972959729724326,0.10809507188519407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719089534981688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582036308588817,0.0,0.0,0.070826877606342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910289280660624,0.1259246048076482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602572880116192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993971139148702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26803916815836243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182947366080556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650119785666654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269748405518953,0.11732386751370485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921503887727467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041875224360035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358564473104016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561948592813276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514863030092185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749834238663756,0.0,0.0,0.13416445803474386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601440215010832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629054200153477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yellow-Head,2018/04/10,"Not feeling great of course, that’s why I’m here. I’m not too great at titles. I really don’t want to be here. I have thought about taking my life in the past, but that’s all it’s ever been, just a thought. I don’t think I’m capable of it. But all of these feelings and thoughts I experience are so painful. Also Knowing that people close to me can treat me however they want with no remorse or consideration of my feelings. Just reassures me, I don’t matter. Im not a lovable person. 
On another note I feel so bad for hating life. When there are people happy with less than what I have. People who are fighting much great battles than I can even imagine. People who love life and want to continue to live it but are dying. I just wish I could give them my life. At least they’ll be enjoying themselves and putting this life to good use. Unlike me, I’m a mess. ",1.348938826466913,3.4713787752809004,3.0498127340823977,90.81013732833958,81.47191011235954,5.9780274656679175,22.81023720349563,7.1686216300943375,0.7689278401997508,674,23,145,9,18,223,102,178,0.215,0.601,0.184,-0.821,1,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,14,15,3,0,4,0,16,7,0,1,3,37,38,11,1,5,10,0,4,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,11,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,4,20,9,19,30,5,10,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,4,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986015339730866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928892373103093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294885516205916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844358780087116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796407568041324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143730483743536,0.11153028988094883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060930843015688,0.0,0.0,0.2493731186465173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827887806564168,0.0,0.10341668868569737,0.0,0.4078101353453904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312532372426076,0.0,0.12173145584613808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331832248554305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776147167721466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43544586034408056,0.0,0.0,0.10887457833860394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112814483887712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063837120778688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311979885868905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770209290737997,0.3419178164254925,0.10765924111923324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394875622211908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898799054309022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270490925198598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900451439046667,0.0,0.293655018536776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649006569741004,0.0,0.0,0.21817343637468573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125745669549812,0.0,0.14178685652262749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whipilash,2018/04/10,"I don’t think I can live with myself anymore I wake up everyday and I feel like shit, I feel fat, useless, and depressed. Then I go to school for the day, and I talk to my friends and make jokes about depression almost like a weird cry for help. The only thing that’s keeping me from trying to comit suicide is one girl, that I’m pretty sure likes me, and I want to ask out. Will I ever ask her out though, of course not I’m not confident enough to, and I’m also to scared to face rejection. I go home and I take a nap and when I wake up I feel even worse because I think I’m too lazy and that’s why I’m fat and un-confident. Then I eat my feelings like that’s gonna help. I also have a pornographry addiction that I keep trying to stop, but I can’t, it’s like I’m just a passenger in my own body and I can’t take it anymore. I just want to change, but I feel like I can’t turn off this road I’m on, and I’m scared to death that I’m going to die old and lonely without any kids or a wife. So damn scared, so scared that sometimes I convince myself that suicide is the only option, because no one likes me, no one fucking cares. I feel as if I’m trapped in my own head all the time, and I have no one to talk to, and that just makes me all the more sad. I just wanna change, but I don’t think I can, and if I can I’m probably gonna find some way to end my life. I don’t know when or how, but if theirs no change in my life soon, I think I will end my life.",0.6094747474747457,1.6630055636363643,2.5857575757575764,98.29308080808079,79.72727272727272,5.858585858585857,19.7979797979798,6.238725200709706,-0.2831414141414141,1116,25,293,8,27,375,143,330,0.233,0.653,0.115,-0.9931,0,3,0,0,0,5,34.0,0,0,1,0,17,26,3,4,10,0,15,14,8,3,4,63,55,36,4,6,16,1,6,7,1,4,6,0,1,2,13,19,3,3,12,2,0,3,13,14,0,4,0,6,47,12,32,51,7,27,0,6,0,1,12,10,3,8,20,177,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112381364411584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370181807761037,0.0,0.0,0.13369140193216195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056843052933003374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579468133717193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628794580364894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190955928226313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928479905386922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522405646862087,0.0,0.2652766793012873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181805283467086,0.053907673618310316,0.0,0.14398932175334495,0.0,0.08675167609125273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553191326456268,0.0,0.0,0.14806921832864148,0.08636927508381433,0.0,0.05520942228071885,0.07561059250941443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25358917219138943,0.17914694398364478,0.0,0.0,0.07639838348504945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458027520404436,0.07727623024259066,0.0,0.0,0.14251582899333767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578592618481452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205523209423994,0.0,0.08384609056777623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859461607093674,0.0,0.0,0.045938058874347806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712310911160822,0.2858598651682848,0.0,0.0738101854319727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159195853136396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771207977513806,0.0,0.22656694970139316,0.12714565646013135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850395649240248,0.09012255109135983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347467211655873,0.08459603434166865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580240395486101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826711733948659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698837369117107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286452518236296,0.0,0.07878118111418264,0.0,0.125696313074346,0.13437055555773106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055532491594769515,0.2142405673062678,0.08212528632744999,0.0,0.04874113217693545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135022223146904,0.0909202954526099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098605337388397,0.06634866823398719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542562859664975,0.0,0.0,0.08057634043807721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518383249782165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RandomWeaboo,2018/04/10,thanks to my little brother I'm still alive i love you buddy and i don't want to let you ruin your life as much as I did,-1.32977011494253,0.19727027586207235,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,87.6206896551724,3.866666666666666,13.114942528735632,3.1291,-1.6304574712643682,94,1,25,0,3,33,23,29,0.149,0.563,0.28800000000000003,0.6886,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,4,5,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269107775050032,0.2948848198978911,0.0,0.4184336457687513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768001128793525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069024441790145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33340724630472546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38436777011402623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462458227719981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CasperTheGhoul,2018/04/10,"I'm sorry, to everyone I've let down. I'm a 19 year old kid living on his own, attending college 3 hours away from home. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to my upbringing under an alcoholic father and complacent mother. I'm so desperately trying everything to survive being an adult on my own, but whether it be money, or school or even friendships I'm a fuck up. I'm trying to land a fulltime job in this new city, I'm trying to eat healthier and lose weight, I'm trying to attend all of my classes and get the grades I need all the while keeping in touch with my family and friends. My folks are always on my case about when I'm seeing them next, but I cant just up and drive three hours when I work two part time jobs and have school. They say I'm inconsiderate, and try to guilt me into going home when that atmosphere is toxic for me. My father, who is playing the loving act after so many years just wont leave me alone. After abusing me and my mother up until I moved out, he calls me all the time letting me know he misses me. But that is mute at this point. Nothing I do, whether it be going to school, working my ass or being social is ever enough. If I just ended it then I would have no more expectations to meet, it would be my choice and that would feel truly liberating. But I'm conflicted, because I want a future. I enjoy life when its good. However I keep letting everyone down, even myself. I am so alone, I feel like I'm suffocating. ",4.929120059656974,4.984358765100673,6.230425055928414,79.88077554064135,68.73154362416108,9.172557792692023,27.96495152870992,8.998388855275968,2.0498674123788208,1144,34,233,19,18,388,169,298,0.106,0.774,0.12,0.6656,3,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,4,14,10,1,1,10,0,23,8,1,0,4,42,48,29,0,7,13,4,4,1,1,4,3,1,2,2,11,13,3,3,3,1,1,7,3,4,0,2,1,6,34,6,33,35,8,47,0,2,1,3,18,17,2,4,24,156,45,10,0.0,0.11601072567501028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463906779663046,0.0,0.20281638343503894,0.0,0.0,0.08147134133282774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919923530060086,0.0,0.0,0.059686769326251186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997997513706312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993794896269599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018929751064873,0.0,0.0,0.08672172994313126,0.10117015587369696,0.0,0.12934103828975682,0.08856778550539868,0.0,0.18711986320022536,0.08799776314146858,0.0,0.092303528321405,0.0,0.09901536572115464,0.06994896518286788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564723106010897,0.09051885929791367,0.05115542700117675,0.0,0.11129226699142168,0.08212465968635489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964291594183289,0.0,0.19284888379778448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432680634781732,0.1740588936899169,0.0,0.0,0.05381034600953589,0.0,0.0,0.10367557891943367,0.0,0.3003675927272154,0.06915874709791478,0.047835276556133774,0.0,0.08645884729231157,0.0,0.0,0.10953944274952336,0.0,0.0,0.08837017694607763,0.0,0.0,0.09926826978790083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406587241755176,0.0,0.07260114341626904,0.0,0.09456484820584378,0.10413143507732894,0.0,0.0,0.09395002779238797,0.0,0.10274307355532994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060300834691174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255929886228068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445489111321028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667713479148972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786423446429458,0.0,0.2972791182629872,0.07802387085356582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980982807963087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096054280737582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141875495658786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323820164185957,0.0,0.09564663478498547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775154037058775,0.0,0.0,0.11923148293423852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256345324333686,0.0,0.0,0.20866345479175805,0.0,0.0,0.12610534046007588
suicidewatch,completelydone123,2018/04/10,"I'm just done. 17M, had depression since age 6, funny how fast 11 years goes by when you can't focus on the long term.
Tried overdosing on prednisolone ~6 months ago and got put into the mental health inpatient system for just under 2 months. Since then I just can't focus on anything else, I just want to die, and I've stopped being quiet about it. Nothing can get me out of this mindset anymore, I'm just done. I feel ready, and every day feels as if I'm nearing the end of my third act, that I'm nearing my end. ",3.815952380952382,4.167613981481484,4.740105820105821,88.55833333333334,71.22222222222223,7.282539682539682,25.61375661375661,6.868970318607317,0.8987312169312167,402,11,88,3,7,131,78,108,0.08900000000000001,0.847,0.063,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,16,16,8,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,4,3,7,0,15,11,1,25,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,1,14,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928642666497085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939433054917876,0.0,0.0,0.15715486428520287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316206616592372,0.0,0.16448513896682426,0.0,0.1982002737941662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908642553187833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595337990269489,0.0,0.3382915574144629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090335485825774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312381279603988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977573718708213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273890101669446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029958301434779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900547960795126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924563041564825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048663462349326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832441606149965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198104850165099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315950396329289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966234214415534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129658425938391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264107939187712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298063025984132
suicidewatch,Rhyzo,2018/04/10,"I've always thought hanging was the most blissful way to die. Keeping your beautiful body intact, no pain or frothing at the mouth or organ failure that overdosing causes. No mutilation or closed caskets that guns cause.. just a warm caress of a rope or belt tied around the nice breeze of fan blades above you as your beautiful life flashes before your eyes. I've been fantasizing about it a lot lately. Maybe soon.

It sounds conceited, I'm actually quite ugly on the outside but at least my heart is beautiful. I wish more people realized that. The pain caused by family members, loved ones, past loved ones, friends. everything and everyone. The only person who would miss me is my grandmother because my dad never knew me, and my mother is always too drugged up to care, I was never close to family members, and I've lost so many friends and refuse to ever get close to people on a personal level in fear of getting hurt again.",7.44849710982659,7.7417190809248595,7.254109826589595,73.8674075144509,63.39306358381504,10.38820809248555,34.06300578034682,10.125756701596842,3.4500455491329483,743,29,128,15,10,236,119,173,0.154,0.633,0.213,0.9418,0,0,1,1,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,2,8,13,0,1,10,0,7,10,4,3,3,29,19,11,2,2,6,2,1,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,6,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,6,4,12,7,18,12,4,20,0,3,1,2,14,11,0,6,7,78,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.12354630956171556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068775139470106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112703551773994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717604136397746,0.0,0.1077298668457701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406274427805016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908024239435556,0.39016860599327297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139397303974318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681933880994125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145197026885195,0.0,0.12097463529501955,0.11378265375734685,0.0,0.2387001675642959,0.1424636237708432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562639758414996,0.0,0.13228973170435496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500252183205332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355311785234747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253060377380032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281374960566734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942347503405673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382021794372214,0.10763338179663487,0.2285283826991428,0.0,0.0,0.1283556168605028,0.12718977566917813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952881468223615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715790000959036,0.09628732094737852,0.2694291328811285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085693222852567,0.1755412216840464,0.2210897918010744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465792261638088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005086763177976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049160451942443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455872541122542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993517100434098,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NarcMILThrowaway,2018/04/10,"I don’t have any friends or reasons to live and my depression has gotten so bad my boyfriend keeps telling me “I can’t help you” Every time I come to him needing comfort he asks me what he’s supposed to do. And I just feel like shit saying I need someone to be next to me and hug me. I get it’s tiring. I get I’m tiring. But I do this to everyone. Every single important person in my life said I am exhausting. That I need too much. Or that I’M too much. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore and he’s tired of my shit. I’m not mean, I’m just depressing and it sucks to be around me.   
And I feel the same way.   
And I’m tired of myself too.    
    
I know I’m a compassionate person. I know I’m funny and nice and empathetic. But it hasn’t made me not want to die. I know my siblings need me and my dad would be destroyed by me killing myself. But it just doesn’t motivate me anymore. I’ve wanted to die since I was 11 years old. Guilt kept me alive for this long but I can’t just go on like this. I can’t keep staying alive being miserable because I care about everyone else. If I want to live it should be because *I want to live*. And I don’t.    
    
There’s nothing that makes me happy. And what does make me happy I can’t afford. Including therapy lol. I’m fucked. I’m in a tiny town where there’s nothing to help me and I can’t afford to move out.     
    
I don’t even want to eat anymore. I feel fat and disgusting and I haven’t eaten anything since this morning because what’s the fucking point in fueling my body if I don’t want it here anymore. I want to starve myself to death because I’m too much of a pussy to do anything fatal quickly but I’m great at doing fucking nothing so I’ll just whither away. 
    
Edit: What the fuck is wrong with people PMing me for extremely personal information. I’m weak right now but not weak enough to be preyed on. Fuck you. ",-0.5223356980983347,1.6373734045226165,1.8329263966893308,95.82105478372256,91.33668341708542,4.830111341018821,19.612966794758105,6.42735559955562,0.06843377672677109,1437,47,331,17,51,485,171,398,0.194,0.6559999999999999,0.15,-0.9619,2,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,2,0,1,20,34,11,2,6,1,30,21,4,5,0,68,83,27,5,15,18,1,4,3,1,2,9,2,0,3,17,19,3,3,11,0,0,3,16,21,0,0,6,6,57,13,35,69,6,25,0,3,0,7,21,13,8,4,10,197,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842642055827482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824916168461972,0.0,0.0,0.117202377648902,0.06339354034868977,0.06657335770297867,0.0,0.06690576752684572,0.0,0.05945882274016302,0.17364004648124592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910018209466821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260510805244562,0.0,0.0,0.06134260266934976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226691229858229,0.0,0.14781307244287986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231786764661425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286738113425165,0.05948826543284098,0.0,0.0,0.07358075653416755,0.0,0.04703467819183893,0.0,0.119997913184851,0.13609172564714953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402716799933318,0.10174735291231664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055018008453666285,0.3291704994536829,0.07441038292506134,0.0,0.04047126907590545,0.0,0.0,0.07851118729772204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161242842371925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546344742507916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659252097222573,0.0787852319351292,0.0,0.11740831872464395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029895316927893,0.10437136745392364,0.0,0.18864379533374775,0.06302014301573848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427136954170866,0.06738226382032515,0.09506876981309716,0.0,0.0,0.07757045393442356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568680265187187,0.15704645297756706,0.2112103915104689,0.0,0.0,0.07573448618131924,0.0,0.0,0.20498873590746092,0.0,0.07472473493353872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493692494359068,0.18653801610437226,0.0,0.0,0.06731810557909201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321752206918666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060814431093527,0.06773866563503178,0.056630428502939076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619564166359572,0.1178141632374284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033747048430323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759022326123212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224219363684445,0.0,0.08143682312519175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152413432242485,0.3273896467655946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940176770855714,0.0565245592133742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058677212997615,0.0778588512938831,0.0,0.0458580214388281
suicidewatch,bossvadim3,2018/04/10,"My Mother said I'm ungrateful and wishes I was never born... Before I start my story, I want to say that I'm not suicidal in any way and wish I never will be, I was recommended this Reddit page by my friend to get help and I'm hoping I'm not breaking any rules. 

The story starts off by me waiting for my mother to pick me up from school (Grade 11). She stops by a Walmart before she picks me up so I'm in a grumpy mood because I'm all alone waiting for my mother to pick me up. When she arrives, I tell her what took her so long and clearly she can tell I'm not happy by her actions. But then we go to the store before we arrive home to buy some meat and all goes well. After we arrive home, I go eat some left overs outside because of the nice weather and the nature looked beautiful . At the same time, I'm waiting for my friend to arrive so I can help fix his computer. After 3-4 four hours later after fixing my friends computer, he leaves and then I begin to do my homework (8 o'clock?). Later my Father arrives home and goes to take a shower, he's clearly drunk and is drunk most of the time when he comes home. My mother than calls me to her to room and calls me selfish, a terrible person, child, and wish that I was never born. She tells me these things because I was suppose to finish plowing the field in my backyard for the garden but I told her before hand that I couldn't today. She also tells me this because I didn't tell before hand that my friend would come over (definitely my fault, should of told her beforehand). Generally though, she doesn't get mad if a friend comes over which also blew my mind. After hearing this, I just stand there with my mouth open, feeling a sense of shock from hearing my own mother not wanting me to exist. I don't know how to react to this, even if this just from her anger and she doesn't mean it, I still feel broken and sad from hearing this. May I please get some comments that tell me how to fix this whole in my heart?

",5.205962276214834,4.710429453431374,5.81796675191816,84.94595907928391,68.19117647058823,8.07604433077579,27.29795396419437,6.8959733430537185,1.1762031969309454,1539,39,328,10,23,501,189,408,0.081,0.779,0.14,0.9581,1,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,0,0,16,17,2,0,14,0,18,7,4,6,7,69,59,29,1,11,10,6,4,0,5,4,0,5,9,2,17,21,3,4,4,3,2,7,12,7,1,1,9,10,64,9,50,44,10,52,0,1,1,0,53,15,0,8,27,215,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962286872694609,0.0,0.12295930626883522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455993809372037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874575108108775,0.0,0.32708941016507964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570029462281873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867188190885965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786658271725907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077747831969784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774408884764697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969804236838308,0.0,0.1204974207645363,0.0,0.08738356748995542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183851886774389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599427357477282,0.09110131035547132,0.10305998293811333,0.0,0.3084613364978862,0.07635762810651671,0.0757097681099676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225037488493761,0.0,0.0,0.08140315758205229,0.08352863973446087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803499181251241,0.06455851933344385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374314855177953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762529927719389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778801551322972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712728021586067,0.0,0.08438943058311041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312899243530696,0.06113681364661976,0.0,0.07780507605884993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882989766702114,0.0,0.06139521394414312,0.06427381032699431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409252514612961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780301213392314,0.0,0.4031708211215555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051074613200163634,0.0,0.07553266768102783,0.0,0.08965686218586677,0.0,0.07287176300126984,0.14692126988417314,0.08541476506396099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068978037820226,0.0610225197731999,0.0,0.0,0.06912294179166273,0.0,0.0,0.08583202222063795,0.265219203194442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461223131189729,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jerzeypipedreamz,2018/04/10,"Tried but failed I have tried numerous times to end this now pointless life and have failed every time and can add suicide to the things I'm terrible at. Even using fentanyl, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, methadone and whiskey all at the same time didnt work. I'm not exactly sure how people OD on opioids when I have taken so much and woke up with nothing more than confusion, disappointment and a stomach ache. There is no purpose left. Everyday is so lonely and filled with constant physical pain from a fractured spine and a painful nerve disease. Not sure why I'm here anymore. Contemplating trying a different technique seeing pills don't work. ",8.153656174334145,8.853518627118646,7.0842857142857145,74.296186440678,61.88135593220339,10.13268765133172,38.89104116222761,9.957137785484203,4.030209200968523,530,26,87,10,7,161,88,118,0.327,0.634,0.039,-0.9928,1,2,3,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,0,1,6,0,8,9,3,2,4,21,15,12,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,8,0,0,3,1,2,3,10,12,4,14,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,1,8,51,4,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800568898523947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939647499965639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875286782953596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897472110395305,0.0,0.0,0.11855134522162745,0.0,0.15122792988855308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501623421916994,0.0,0.12677898075833569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319456833306316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222534047461635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819796853148761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443565382412568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303016229646734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961946346229604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633275044479448,0.0,0.3383340963702407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924507285358475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139859039542342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655854540362589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502159073619234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619616609797869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613414796249808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaybenotNASA,2018/04/10,"Do hopeful words from loved ones do anything for you? I want to know if it's just me. It's at the point where I try to share some of my blackest issues and every word my friends tell me is the same old, ""right now it seems the worst,"" ""your pain won't last forever,"" and the most common, ""it gets better"" tripe. I just feel frustrated because it seems as though they think platitudes, however well-meaning*, can help. I don't reach out to anyone because I know I'll hear the same things.

Does anyone else have this same feeling?

*it's worth noting that I love these people very much and I know they only want to help",2.9642741935483885,4.526420427419354,3.329870967741936,93.27480645161293,74.56451612903227,6.250322580645161,22.07741935483871,6.742157984588678,0.33505419354838706,479,12,104,4,10,148,85,124,0.058,0.708,0.234,0.9665,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,2,1,5,9,1,0,5,0,7,3,0,0,0,25,22,6,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,8,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,15,6,10,21,7,9,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,6,4,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264379766875465,0.1659072877898323,0.13324725739541074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741118253546305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320604239164236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169823372553986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526429028397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642549874672946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374433276285166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509982955754884,0.0,0.08459708450803442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249683224565946,0.0,0.21706458189795866,0.0,0.0,0.16082417391446435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900354560368636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26696278316691,0.1319872965957527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29228020428508256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763795316958883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903062925694376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990894193836956,0.0,0.10972191857910744,0.1231482825203955,0.17229545203258528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225569342476796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306776400628325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827972291738874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948137511435338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415261663245158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075731748039472,0.10375249396834496,0.15908664510128145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993378876993053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336018538865234,0.1910105037765548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558650246016505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Camiracundus,2018/04/10,"I was once a star shining bright I'm usually the one who comments on posts here, offering support. Tonight, I'm the one in need of support. I grew up in an abusive home. I was raped when I was 9. I was beaten and threatened every day of my life from age 6 to 18. I was a household slave, not worth respect, love or affection in my family's eyes. I'm now 21 years old, have tried to kill myself 13 times between age 10-16 but failed every time either due to being interrupted, prevented or the method failing. I self harmed from age 9 to 17. I've been clean for almost 4 years now, only small morbid thoughts about doing it again popping up. But lately, I find myself longing for peace from all of the voices inside my head. My usual outlets no longer help. I feel lonely and unappreciated; worthless. And I guess it all just kind of hit me at once, tearing me down earlier today. I've been trying to pull myself together since, but to no avail.. So now I am turning to *anyone* out there to help me. I'm not suicidal right now. But I don't want to feel like I do, and give in.",1.903772727272728,3.772697286363641,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,78.4090909090909,6.218181818181819,23.272727272727273,7.1686216300943375,0.8492454545454544,833,27,174,10,20,280,139,220,0.21,0.6579999999999999,0.131,-0.9476,0,2,1,0,1,1,33.0,0,0,0,3,11,15,3,0,7,0,13,5,2,1,2,27,29,12,2,2,10,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,5,0,1,4,0,1,2,5,8,0,2,8,6,23,7,30,19,3,37,0,4,3,2,8,12,0,4,23,105,26,3,0.0,0.16358821325244335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825533585122154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965404799473632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904255238693745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326567887371873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015838998624218,0.0,0.13962283804893091,0.09863593358754078,0.0,0.0,0.12619181291166384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244757675888313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209766345129633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169778277686176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508837804109524,0.0,0.13849363941547005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275198189242922,0.14377676035423456,0.0,0.0,0.15574691803737464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752163692363246,0.06745313742951657,0.0,0.0,0.12218599232816485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461192072799107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237580415472038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448793267104033,0.2940762059420503,0.1871171406020624,0.10500707057294878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223114846788714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179094691863788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403522067469154,0.0,0.0,0.11421142317847932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102417680413868,0.3133562632717649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961071056348652,0.1610173292207987,0.0,0.1308724883740704,0.0,0.0,0.18747845896760887,0.15017852983596444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30412518276427725,0.0,0.08143618830785287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782275912354373
suicidewatch,FreeWifiHotspot,2018/04/10,"I have a life insurance policy and my spouse is entitled to military survivor benefits. My life insurance policy isn't much ($10,000), although my suicide would be connected to my PTSD disability rating. My wife and I are separated, and she will be filing for divorce. If I take my life prior to that point, she's entitled to $1,200 a month, indefinitely. I also have some money to give to friends and family, from savings so that most everyone would get a little bit to help them along. I've lived a difficult but okay life, and think that this could be a gift to a lot of people, but my (soon to be ex) wife would have to process the claim with intent, determination, and actually claim the money. I'd have to mention it in the will, but it seems like the best option. Yes, I'm in therapy. Yes, I'm on meds. Etc.",4.494144551101073,5.4049423105590115,6.242405420666291,76.37660643704123,69.99378881987577,10.326595143986447,28.92207792207793,10.436869588844218,3.008970186335404,636,23,127,18,11,220,96,161,0.027000000000000003,0.758,0.215,0.9831,0,0,0,0,1,1,30.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,0,10,3,17,4,0,1,0,25,24,13,1,5,4,4,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,14,6,19,14,7,8,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,7,4,86,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.16604882140472227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607460192918155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785694186622956,0.0,0.18576752458385928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585662902709342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897701880826277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259243745819565,0.0,0.0,0.1604090062818169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146298286746105,0.0,0.08890008172393862,0.1632302318319457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405274296579568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807480753733828,0.0831301827473686,0.17054215434389813,0.15025187043922475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446615140066798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900622134081385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581780430419627,0.0,0.12508507509604722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796553483461344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085349523087605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890458882172612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490466794699007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861242915515625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127936991596785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458951685435136,0.0,0.0,0.10902982350381502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626242467560664,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awtbridge,2018/04/10,"Bridge May 6th Got rid of my things and put the time in at work. I'm relieved at the idea of my suffering ending but my stomach twists up thinking about jumping. 

Never got over the childhood abuse or my brother's death. I've tried a hundred times to ask for help but I can't.  My friend today said I'm a depressing person and asked me if I liked being depressed. I went away and cried twice over it and hated myself for it because I was just proving him right. 

My friends are normal and successful and whenever I think about asking them for help,  they'll say something carefree and heartwarming about their family and life. Here's how I picture it going:

""Me and the kids played ghostbusters today! That's where I'm slimer and they chase me around.""

""That's great buddy.  I want to kill myself, can you please help me?""

I know I'm burdening them every day they have to put up with me. I'm gonna do it soon and I won't say goodbye so I won't inconvenience them when they're putting their kids to bed or having dinner with their girlfriend or whatever things happy people do.  

I hope they know I love them,  I never was good at communicating.",2.9240789473684217,4.8911251798245665,3.6577543859649104,89.14294736842106,75.71052631578947,6.314385964912281,23.242105263157892,7.1686216300943375,0.7910800000000009,903,27,183,10,20,286,135,228,0.166,0.604,0.23,0.9515,0,0,1,0,1,1,22.0,0,1,11,2,11,18,2,0,6,0,14,4,1,1,3,34,36,20,2,4,7,1,0,1,3,5,1,3,1,3,8,14,1,0,6,1,0,6,5,6,0,1,6,3,39,12,24,24,0,29,0,3,0,1,30,12,0,6,12,117,47,2,0.0,0.14360532301714302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789605643500376,0.33992435445057473,0.0,0.11387388098530432,0.0,0.0,0.07388401149181284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313542161443542,0.07816568347784705,0.0,0.2087833325558117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734957452103452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021184614541169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425907322871505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872817360382991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888226005664892,0.1016590337946,0.1938736652167077,0.13362635134210873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290224764500921,0.0,0.11966252585536415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24371874770366656,0.0,0.0,0.12038158083089386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682304089078182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409277639899553,0.0,0.1332196152623187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560901725827492,0.05921349342044231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939012519389138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869579137389248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118752864870783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402665782650945,0.10582948042847906,0.0,0.1330441150534743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655264239569209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350640228070893,0.1152914768600756,0.19277042664230526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330772267647593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104331236651914,0.15532353047496444,0.0,0.0,0.1413484817419454,0.0,0.22977188384609934,0.0,0.0,0.08228864452860432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148846420363618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235607236959813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823697392774256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,basketball_is_life,2018/04/10,My anxiety is unbearable. I feel like I'd be better off gone. I have yet to tell anyone of my problems. I want to tell my family but my anxiety is telling me not to. All of the extra attention isn't necessarily something I want to deal with. And it'd make things so much more difficult. I think offing myself is the best choice and the urge is becoming stronger. I know I need help but I'm too afraid to get it. Depression and anxiety sure are a bitch.,1.1990322580645127,3.4623605698924784,3.516569892473118,86.41485483870967,83.08602150537635,8.021075268817205,23.27849462365592,8.841846274778883,1.9013578494623653,355,13,76,10,10,122,62,93,0.197,0.602,0.201,-0.1618,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,1,1,4,0,9,0,0,1,2,18,19,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,13,4,10,16,5,3,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,0,2,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447044288212542,0.0,0.0,0.13548966844418406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140056035981814,0.0,0.0,0.20335142995946232,0.17137530980168406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977010004060927,0.16689526943323993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826707005608421,0.0,0.09797678675722364,0.13843053137652722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123770843575627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298810767635133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649185119723938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466705811725976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934410523565285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244448505190052,0.14367925008444749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185413334306236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917491090558802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826275210997019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080949838536433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873329819393894,0.12416107239313084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22858312200654204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bestfpos,2018/04/10,"ill be gone soon enough i dont know how much more i can take of living anymore, its getting harder and harder to see my future. i want to die, breathing isnt good for me anymore. im done",0.3523170731707346,2.107227097560976,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,82.90243902439025,4.1000000000000005,20.006097560975608,3.1291,-0.5277853658536587,145,4,33,0,4,49,34,41,0.22,0.7490000000000001,0.031,-0.8319,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,4,11,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,4,8,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336733021752716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792432970434401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27534327088013005,0.31533800567422104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780123938157318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057349812743128,0.0,0.0,0.22567597166905046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29063252808851264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478691317313003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375861823549249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977911181722677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440713344209547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230071896342308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869940938923918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brofistt,2018/04/10,"Post got removed from r/stopdrinking I'm a hardcore alcoholic. I spent the last 2 hours calling helpline after helpline who all just passed me off to another call centre. Legit no one wanted to talk for longer than 3 minutes.

So I made a cry for help post on stop drinking. As an alcoholic I figured they would resonate with my cause. But it got removed due to the fact that I had admitted to drinking tonight. A fucking joke if you ask me.

So here I am. Contemplating suicide. I've tried the help lines and I've tried reddit. Bit sure what the point is anymore.",2.2074242424242385,4.758162681818185,3.003181818181819,89.85810606060606,81.27272727272728,5.848484848484849,28.25757575757576,7.1686216300943375,1.6029393939393932,445,21,87,6,12,140,83,110,0.111,0.785,0.105,-0.399,0,0,5,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,1,0,8,0,4,5,0,2,3,15,13,6,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,4,1,2,3,1,3,1,1,0,1,5,0,10,2,13,7,2,14,0,0,0,1,10,3,1,1,6,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472957332194754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703804909193067,0.0,0.0,0.16114221663291967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190225534791693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739237081342848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331832264025668,0.0,0.0,0.16691763836278567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848298197947218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183483794321568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021547053132184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599094176107372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782156507494285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001574724766826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324475843231424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374795861164406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010455883199706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360156699375455,0.0,0.3112328933428464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584537431141386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773305327862554,0.0,0.1531409096035052,0.0,0.0,0.13059990222928228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206343357825309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958383134516192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542522478133488,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,broccolichefdad,2018/04/10,"I just keep fucking up I broke a promise to my boyfriend in a (obviously failed) suicide attempt. He called me and I answered and he talked me out of it. But I’d already self-harmed and thus broken a promise I made to him. I’m certain he’s going to break up with me because I can’t be trusted. I wish I would’ve ignored the call and kept going, it would have saved so many people the misery of having to put up with me.",3.1830000000000003,3.5901692999999995,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,72.66666666666666,6.4444444444444455,29.44444444444445,5.46131890053228,1.1054444444444451,327,13,72,1,6,110,60,90,0.175,0.66,0.166,-0.4312,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,9,1,0,5,0,5,1,0,2,2,20,13,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,0,13,5,13,9,0,9,0,2,0,1,7,5,1,0,0,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573804051025527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217777123490447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763176226010558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562181728008104,0.0,0.0,0.2651054271346016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730980959260348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069241018709104,0.0,0.23646348281379495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616956455513367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446539711963985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24331476637753915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25512101918080304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746530004981735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682085132129041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331366624746201,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brittneylove8,2018/04/10,I hate my life I hate it I hate it it’s so bad and I’m done people are just like be happy well I ducking can’t I’m miserable all the time I haven’t smiled in month I act fine but I’m a wreck at lest for tonight I see no way out but ending it I’m ready to put myself out of my pain people will say oh he is to young well fuck them they don’t even know my gender people call me retarded and a faggot because I feel more femme then they do but who the hell are they to judge me I’m done life you suck and I’m leaving,-3.2791796008869163,-1.9235674878048776,-0.17052106430155156,106.24315410199556,110.0569105691057,2.8867701404286765,10.468957871396897,4.851557810540192,-1.917273170731708,401,6,110,2,22,138,77,123,0.334,0.563,0.103,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,1,4,0,5,14,6,1,4,0,11,4,0,0,1,12,25,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,9,2,0,2,3,19,5,9,21,2,13,1,1,1,1,9,4,3,0,7,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415964962872414,0.10337751852379996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173165373975016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470889243409445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020208573542354,0.0,0.0,0.11200937605284407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574733495818103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567787159441328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052651960680208,0.0,0.5022906065917271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319954998680556,0.0,0.0,0.17956616183438856,0.0,0.0,0.2395659788559886,0.08285072628479295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536122930470434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045053026178406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35270691996395753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704798909379385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486089851296168,0.0,0.0,0.13513738883025053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988864504955051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460877915075506,0.0,0.0,0.3049547885097605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,floflowers,2018/04/10,"Help. I feel like living is to hard. I know I have family and friends that love me, but I have thought about death for awhile now. I just can't get over the fact that every would be better with out me. Please take me out of this .

I have a gun, I'm afraid...",-1.1132142857142853,0.8702698214285718,0.3835714285714289,106.56142857142858,91.85714285714286,3.9142857142857146,11.571428571428573,5.288315135182226,-1.7650785714285715,194,2,52,1,7,61,44,56,0.154,0.606,0.24,0.5267,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,11,14,2,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,9,4,8,11,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27546005486288355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624175261173445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936156979471524,0.0,0.1574829599821891,0.2225062747475285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406323457987755,0.0,0.16272440150320885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790059654806602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087643113370827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116964635796875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216306860576664,0.0,0.27502388319376353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811037850187891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418883034434569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341783042714796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726354780497214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125144086732404,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DraconicDepression,2018/04/10,"I'm trash If my boyfriend doesn't love me again I'm going to kill myself.

And even then, I might just off myself anyways.

Me being there didn't help him when he was feeling suicidal, it was the people who hate me, who joined a secret club that was set up because no one wanted to talk to me when I was depressed, and a few of these people even promised not to do this very thing, yet my boyfriend doesn't hold it against them that they broke this promise.

I went to see a therapist, but they just told me I needed thicker skin and that there are 'other fish in the sea'.

He says he doesn't see our relationship as 'doomed' or 'over', and that going to another therapist might fix me so we can be together again.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to live with myself anyway, what with how I wasn't able to help him, and it was the people who helped beat me down that did.

I want to go jump off the nearby mountain, but I'm lying to myself that things will get better.

He's currently playing with those same people, doing a thing that I told him hurt my feelings even before the brunt of this mess started, when the others were just starting to gang up and bash me.

I don't care that this is probably toxic of me to still love him. I do. But he doesn't care, and says that I love him to much. Every instinct of mine tells me to tell him I love him, but he says that will just make things worse.",5.804531963470317,4.527377969178083,5.984191780821919,86.83112785388128,67.25342465753424,8.88255707762557,27.685844748858447,7.3011,1.2099294063926944,1085,24,247,8,15,346,143,292,0.194,0.767,0.039,-0.994,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,2,0,3,2,20,18,2,0,10,0,27,5,1,2,1,37,57,21,2,5,13,0,3,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,29,11,0,1,3,2,0,6,10,7,0,1,12,8,41,11,31,38,3,25,1,4,2,4,38,7,0,5,11,180,70,0,0.20263461726120935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624003211806607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176209094795705,0.0,0.08621356727225696,0.0,0.0,0.08960692602001652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20659949718710627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726444946183316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075738041265728,0.0,0.08536420230097423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245815097627564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293411204179002,0.0,0.23032384541226514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002986648552814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373256889366445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084622743834816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209259059162686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946503973996653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657713069238091,0.0,0.06763009025272372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496330683110684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447987956243844,0.07512550056263723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865523044065462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809626590623773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092371949436001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877687252500012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417147712061732,0.0,0.0,0.16147355476484646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434258250521353,0.0,0.08091213354930386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082469117726594,0.0,0.09549036434324913,0.0,0.0,0.08143501484583994,0.17711158696858958,0.0,0.0,0.2352744087020251,0.2692428714714111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936260605088352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835973904271894,0.1195191473425617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392216015524983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325099327441946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ahremanes80,2018/04/10,"Help or something? Dunno honestly... Gf just broke up with me. It was actually a nice conversation believe it or not, just sucked balls. So she still has feelings for her ex of 4  years. She was honest and I can't fault her. But now I can't go upstairs even though I know she's waiting for emotional support, I can't. Usually this would be a trigger for depression and kill myself bullshit. Tonight it isn't. I'm scared cuz I feel like I can't feel. This has usually been a precursor to wanting to die. Just looking for words or advice or anything. Dunno how long the ""I can't feel"" stage this time before I implode.  Anyone got anything? Please?",0.8265179352580958,3.386233125984255,2.49237532808399,89.76022528433947,91.75590551181101,5.341907261592302,24.378390201224853,6.937597516519254,1.2213030621172358,505,22,99,8,18,165,84,127,0.13699999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.3987,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,9,11,2,1,4,0,13,0,0,3,0,26,26,11,2,2,9,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,5,15,5,9,20,0,11,0,2,1,0,9,1,1,6,9,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.17241500410362584,0.0,0.0,0.172650462789411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353934475666264,0.0,0.2907865387256261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034237364263847,0.19905879326863046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217494046243762,0.0,0.1833668078083906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874215378259366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669602226373148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35734054637050033,0.12622082064964188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100411787614671,0.0,0.14130780029435747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842543644768205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547116156415711,0.0,0.09709916386909348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631732931478132,0.0,0.0,0.15635697521800415,0.14836739946037428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394249568966931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688833360375938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601753520418286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109753950764756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049531274910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735880189608578,0.0,0.10302401312512123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891779471490525,0.0,0.1042109315026988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550899280425598,0.0,0.0,0.11377666216763227
suicidewatch,YourTiredTA,2018/04/10,"Nothing. The only thing that is providing some contentment, some peace right now is the probability of killing myself sometime soon. I wanted to tell you all, because I can't tell anyone I know. I recognize that the presence of individuals who would stop me makes this a particularly selfish action. But this is really the only thing I desire, anymore. There's nothing else.",5.621818181818185,8.414216030303034,6.578787878787877,67.48818181818183,70.51515151515152,8.642424242424243,32.21212121212121,9.2995712137729,3.5381393939393937,302,14,45,7,6,100,49,66,0.141,0.736,0.123,-0.3167,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,1,10,8,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,3,7,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085917309161507,0.15571745119409386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575623060813616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860377912638031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463852396228441,0.0,0.12239043634685814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865439280762427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273745013374238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387477127914263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010893413963716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266771941998788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018511222817816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025660711481376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861876897665224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893003147212283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959047919853391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135459534876148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820013049213275,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lonelysuicide13,2018/04/10,"I can't do this anymore. I really don't know why I'm even writing this. I've never posted or wrote anything on this site before. But I don't know what else to do.. I don't know if this'll make sense. I really just want this to stop. I'm losing my mind. Every single thing is broken and I can't fix any of it.. I want it all to stop. The loneliness, the sadness, the memories... I want it all to end. I held on, I kept fighting, kept hoping, for so many years but now everything is worse than ever.. There really is no hope left in this life. Nothing brings happiness or release anymore. Every fucking day is the same lonely hell and I'm sick of it. It's just the same cycle over and over and over. Things are just going to continue to get worse.. My twenty first birthday is coming up really soon. No one's going to visit me, no one's going to call. Barely anyone knows I even exist. I want that to be the day. I don't want to continue. I know exactly what my life is going to be and I fucking hate it... I don't want to do this anymore. I tried.",-0.7570270270270285,1.3895671711711692,2.0725765765765765,93.38345945945947,93.50450450450451,4.941981981981981,16.40900900900901,6.588339656340683,-0.11762990990990962,800,20,177,11,30,278,107,222,0.215,0.718,0.067,-0.9893,0,2,0,0,2,0,39.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,5,0,6,0,19,5,0,1,5,43,50,11,0,9,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,17,6,0,5,5,0,0,7,11,8,0,3,4,0,21,3,23,44,5,30,1,3,0,2,5,9,3,5,13,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732366182567139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32041492740709593,0.07530318244871942,0.0,0.08862420236410758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164091985824284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996912438669182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277011851747924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389093481148857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996575290994936,0.0,0.09538622803287723,0.0,0.0,0.14226369538991215,0.0974167257747843,0.1814761706152892,0.0,0.0967897516216472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160571879745437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912546855162444,0.05626644242744296,0.0,0.2448232885691049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464383920425825,0.0,0.10632698852470346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393181987589352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959330918767121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701145224956265,0.0,0.15213700246698733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048369274404573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188756801216327,0.10918631148879496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874173251960728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306139205497158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333671596007717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595448650889625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031424983997397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759699243120809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800764842306356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309618072638672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311816042627932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38112950025221065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971784181756766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950178607189744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935235706884756
suicidewatch,Wheredwelltheghouls,2018/04/10,"I just want to tell someone. All I really want right now is to tell someone, “I’ve really been wanting to kill myself.” I want someone to know. I want someone to tell me what to do. I want someone to talk to that knows what I’m feeling. I want to stay in bed and never get up. I want to stop being a failure. I feel like I’m coasting through life, never really contributing anything meaningful or making any sort of impact. I want my life to mean something. I don’t know what I’m saying. I have so many things on my mind, but the words that keep coming back are “I wonder what it would be like to stop existing.” ",0.6476827896512916,2.8365787007873986,2.721085489313836,91.71096456692915,84.8267716535433,5.518335208098988,20.88245219347581,6.868970318607317,0.4872546681664796,473,15,101,6,14,159,73,127,0.079,0.777,0.14400000000000002,-0.0434,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,9,2,0,1,3,33,32,4,1,10,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,8,2,0,3,8,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,16,2,17,28,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,8,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447703938464223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012524563556087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421376217728145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434138187983346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075273517930803,0.07824077768678736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721943678520694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734599482635684,0.12116713880803552,0.0,0.1805672167575841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547137728953848,0.10701142551087003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310514004539265,0.1110356187189093,0.0,0.1192988803664834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058350983969108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893643411379705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104830555862337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352908448512794,0.0,0.08709433002398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639777330043933,0.08431348868310055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167332522718154,0.0,0.18312647043971692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880276537064653,0.2871747025758041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727599126054266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5813771336649074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876926391653905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779953539478313,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EroEdellabrina,2018/04/10,"I wish i could say goodbye. Hi, my name's Lucy, i'm a trans girl, i should've started hormones soon, i don't think i'll be here by then. I lost the most important person in my life because of me, i honestly feel like a mistake that's worth erasing. My anxiety has gotten so bad i can't even leave the house anyways, i'm not missing out on anything. I thought that i could not take my life, but as time passes, it feels more and more possible. I hope no one that knows me reads this post, and if by any chance that happens, please ignore this. I don't know when and if i'll do it, but it feels like a real solution right now. Goodnight.",3.235333333333333,3.655500977777777,4.332592592592594,90.7166666666667,72.55555555555556,7.481481481481483,27.592592592592588,7.3871296695380915,1.2215925925925926,492,17,114,5,9,161,90,135,0.104,0.6940000000000001,0.202,0.879,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,0,26,25,11,0,7,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,9,4,0,1,7,1,1,1,6,5,0,1,3,4,17,4,7,19,3,12,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,4,8,68,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071444649609113,0.0,0.13579641838519596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607749223265187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482153500845835,0.1082098462930762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834582435427776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172451954655034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692666471887553,0.2536296353861737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697353458683433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630976032848494,0.0,0.20482535303532606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511222793250296,0.0,0.0,0.1879598876912817,0.0,0.0,0.25076436462429386,0.17344707987903882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377563723098856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028692389088715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499688740791806,0.0,0.1948551919345921,0.0,0.2001184388114618,0.17000770790515202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756033049487302,0.20204785198838385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515945284371295,0.0,0.14116490033250326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564411474043988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346715276933455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374270981656365,0.0,0.14092493244342408,0.10350884565025603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041303766206302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gloomyhorror,2018/04/10,"made an account just to post this (rant) okay, so...i don't really know how to start this, and i don't know if anyone will even read this but i feel like i'm really close to killing myself. i don't even know if ""life stories"" are within the rules of this but i just have no one else to talk to and i feel like i have to give some context as to why i feel like this. basically when i was 15 (i am now 18) i was raped, by a former classmate. the fact he was a classmate caused me to drop out, and lose all of my ""friends"" who would not stand forward for me when i finally had the courage to go to the police and get them involved. the school ended up sending out a home tutor for me to help me get me my qualifications but even then they eventually crossed me off the exam register alltogether which obviously meant i couldn't get the qualifications i needed to get a job. i have not had a single job since then, and i've been struggling with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and OCD which has worsened since what happened to me. what i used to enjoy (writing, making music, drawing, playing videogames, even getting a cheap high out of horror movies ect) just became static to me. i was lucky enough to meet a few friends online but 2 of them have since parted with me and the other one (who i have met in person and is now one of my closest friends) has started having health problems so i do not want to burden her with my internal issues. i lived with her for a while as we decided to go to college together but i dropped out as the enviroment caused constant flashbacks and triggers for me, so i had to move back home because i missed so many days that our teacher eventually emailed me telling me i couldn't come back. i can go on into the rest that has happened but this seems super long sorry, i just feel worse than ever and i've even gone to the lengths of making my passcode my lockscreen wallpaper so the police know it when they take my phone for evidence after i kill myself, and i'm in the process of writing my goodbye notes to my family (i have a big family so it's taking a while) i've been to countless therapists and have been on meds but nothing has worked, i just feel like this is truly the end and i've been waking up in constant pain for so long at this point that all i can do is just end it. i don't know when, and guns aren't accessible here so it'll probably have to be a painful method (which i read most methods are) but honestly i'm not scared at this point. i just don't know what to do. i have four nephews and a niece, two of my nephews and my niece are old enough to ask where i've gone so i've written in my suicide note that i want my sisters to tell them i've gone away to play music. i want to leave before the rest are old enough to ask where i am. sorry for the long rant, i just really feel lost.

(ps. i know i mentioned i have a big family, but just as with my friend i feel like i don't want to burden them with my problems. they know what happened to me and helped me a lot, but they all have their own lives and most live on their own a far bit away from me. i feel like i'm closest to my brother but he is struggling with alcohol dependancy and just general depression, so i can't load all of this on him. as for my parents my mothers sister died 2 years ago and she is still in the stages of depression and PTSD from it, so i don't want to make her feel any worse. as for my father we were never the emotional type together, and although i do love him i don't think i can talk to him about this)",3.0179674796747946,4.0239597398374025,4.2101897018970185,89.21943089430893,73.5528455284553,7.309485094850948,25.59078590785908,7.662118739084242,1.114226558265582,2760,88,617,34,54,905,288,738,0.152,0.748,0.1,-0.9916,3,0,3,1,0,3,65.0,3,0,10,4,40,37,3,3,34,1,62,8,1,10,8,123,124,61,4,13,27,8,9,6,4,3,5,0,2,1,30,38,1,0,21,4,2,11,18,18,0,5,20,9,104,19,95,98,19,82,0,6,0,2,56,34,0,9,40,432,134,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099273671162992,0.061477086270010736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039119198981118604,0.0,0.044006722193815725,0.0,0.0,0.040223050275165866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755684177359667,0.0,0.10809388770402988,0.08846686030435844,0.0,0.035066908988330404,0.0,0.048949821333656406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280276456634178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818872588487055,0.0,0.04955298062871072,0.0,0.12432889717285933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037099080750806826,0.0,0.14863945473154755,0.0,0.05970221344302376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048055034125607264,0.06470825678360158,0.15285111150531866,0.17831713904463845,0.0,0.18997469914024293,0.052034956970770485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268929262644266,0.0,0.2617788306894155,0.2465766557899489,0.0,0.06301619034592927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777757179185998,0.0,0.15027306077701172,0.05518354105657161,0.0980789170300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526083856368604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114673883778679,0.0,0.0,0.07711603608512221,0.060778672539889216,0.11540519840043108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060041501968359764,0.11417003314325334,0.0,0.12728651547289555,0.0,0.2529153482350799,0.0,0.0,0.0609110215097747,0.0,0.0,0.040631843834156085,0.16862383154865732,0.0,0.15238776851850785,0.15272432812690942,0.0,0.06435613307421112,0.06279569621170036,0.048905980882954836,0.05191885885651087,0.054431860868459636,0.11519581915206906,0.05832165857484824,0.0,0.0,0.06389767666351501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611403250343537,0.0,0.04265430542422244,0.04436708303566789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519710835811298,0.0,0.120726320094577,0.0,0.11694196296546798,0.0,0.12242202002806099,0.0,0.06387507449090744,0.06229432969831247,0.0,0.0,0.050228901808871074,0.0,0.0,0.10876006679087354,0.0,0.05509336742127949,0.0,0.06202203834801416,0.11008794918644582,0.13448807148524874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508180008938765,0.0,0.11055660377565472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759289358097883,0.058218707998068574,0.0,0.05236890254685258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275664940792612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878980096512044,0.08143345337704748,0.0,0.04593980514059857,0.0,0.0,0.12027593601465228,0.0,0.06292337742334089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650378240844636,0.09247336708430734,0.10055935292475283,0.0,0.0,0.06679134522978829,0.0,0.03685991053365652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619389145878945,0.0,0.0,0.049683417771926544,0.0,0.0,0.1696496587913486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051907665424408674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041879127454695686,0.0,0.11724645744781236,0.0408643459902984,0.0,0.0,0.037044428327862096
suicidewatch,lalliesaurus,2018/04/10,"If your friend thinking about killing themselves, would you want to know? I feel like telling my friends that I'm suicidal would just stress them out and be an enormous burden on them, but I don't want them to blame themselves or feel like I hated them when it happens.",11.134615384615383,7.485220153846152,8.392307692307693,81.20269230769235,59.0,11.169230769230769,43.30769230769231,7.1686216300943375,3.3222,216,9,44,1,2,61,40,52,0.28,0.539,0.181,-0.8573,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,4,0,3,8,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,13,5,2,5,4,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,10,4,5,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,3,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468508095521923,0.3487733152722166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771855023018924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21585876581216226,0.0,0.0,0.24100038197124904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700629131864054,0.0,0.13415218312827554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851200582924895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796182408465596,0.0,0.0,0.2670081830953049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335607859248468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641083081780588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879555994069293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346806392887617,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gfh_dgh_f,2018/04/10,"I think im going to die tonight i dont even have anything to say this time

bye i guess",-2.6785714285714306,-0.9880407619047596,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,99.4761904761905,2.8000000000000003,16.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.4279333333333333,68,2,19,0,3,23,17,21,0.206,0.794,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29751717806744965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752221505814913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237229896005458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879421233017334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547190270051036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982778244161295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905259799354928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875116634820717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316606722442396,0.0,0.0,0.21081728055569546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlaneTough,2018/04/10,"I wish I could give my life to someone who wants to live Sometimes, I wish I could trade places with a terminal cancer patient who is holding onto life as tightly as he can. I do not have any enthusiasm for life, and it seems like a waste. I feel like I am going through the motions, just waiting to die... and it's going to be a long wait. I have been in therapy for 10 years, and it's constantly like this. I wish euthanasia for mental illness were a thing.

See, there is nothing in this world that brings me joy. I do not have any hobbies, and I do not have a job. I am going to be evicted if I do not find something before May, and while I have been applying, I also don't see the point. I have this black-and-white image in my head-- like a flipbook-- of me going through the motions until I am older enough to retire. I think I would rather cut to the chase because being alive hurts. There mornings where I wake up and take a handful of sleeping pills to make myself fall asleep again. That's really what I am doing... I am waiting to die.

It kind of feels good to type this out. I have not been out of my apartment for almost two weeks. It's almost like I've forgotten what the sound of my own voice sounds like. My boyfriend recently moved away, and we hardly talk anymore. My therapist dumped me (it's a long story + it was kinda my fault, so dont blame her), so I am without support (or structure). I do not have any friends. My family thinks I am being a drama queen and won't ""play"" this game with me anymore. If I were to kill myself tonight, I wonder how long it would take the world to notice. I imagine it would take a while unless my decomposing body starts to smell and a neighbor complains.

I have prescriptions for a whole cocktail of drugs, but I am not 100% certain that an overdose would be successful. I'm 80% sure since I have stimulants and relaxants and sedatives and with some alcohol-- I don't drink, so I image I don't have a lot of tolerance-- it almost feels like I can pull it off. My biggest fear is failing. I am afraid I will only have a seizure and then have to deal with the aftermath of my suicide attempt. God, I don't want to spend more time in a psych ward. 
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suicidewatch,Douga10,2018/04/10,"Feeling deeply hopeless Don't know exactly how it has started, but the thing is that I feel completely angry and bored all the time, I have thought about suicide for several times, but I won't do that since I know a few people love me and still believe in me. I'm not being able to deal with job, college and relationships. I don't feel like doing anything in my life, I don't expect myself to getting a good job in the future, becoming rich or traveling around the world. It seems there isn't any driving force that makes me go on.
Recently I started drinking a lot, I'm getting low grades on my University and I'm wasting a lot of money due to the alcohol addiction. I get drunk almost every night and I throw up all the mornings. I'm just feeling completely lost, don't know what to do about anything of my life.",6.262635501355014,5.7722330548780505,6.914227642276423,77.94676151761519,66.01219512195122,9.97181571815718,35.29539295392953,9.444778638647367,3.1517555555555563,647,28,127,11,9,214,98,164,0.18,0.721,0.1,-0.9341,2,0,2,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,10,0,13,7,0,2,3,30,35,9,1,1,5,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,9,3,2,4,7,4,0,0,2,4,16,4,17,31,5,22,0,3,0,1,3,9,0,5,10,81,23,4,0.13764352559398027,0.0,0.0,0.15005175984488905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709906879083862,0.137830108316293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360231740151832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265377871507908,0.12253191990069745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201645991596324,0.0,0.15507711855441628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28863323561525056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190443098046668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483825364462268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159706068295088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783868090620583,0.09833256218681637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573918328751976,0.0,0.07822598759135106,0.11544885881539113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731799208152163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269358459318319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944433854593641,0.06724567396218813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025416780885284,0.2340392065618941,0.1242286558106001,0.0,0.0918781221534745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916912454181245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542468971072557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590637608539996,0.14777763483647546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530549617147374,0.0,0.15549800524929358,0.0,0.1138601467402872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484959172551505,0.0,0.10992229734074302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055967655160485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914442422801819,0.0,0.0,0.10927358439061433,0.1605220933475227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sapphorainbow,2018/04/10,"I feel guilt and shame I feel preassured to lose my virginity. There I said it. I feel unlovable and ugly. I can’t talk to anyone. I’m insecure. I lashed out and now I feel guilty. I just want to stop existing, idk. I’m such a fuck up. ",-2.065490196078432,-0.3849646078431341,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039221,106.84313725490196,5.403921568627451,15.47058823529412,6.937597516519254,0.04050588235294138,179,5,44,4,9,63,34,51,0.485,0.4920000000000001,0.023,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,10,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,9,0,5,9,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,2,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294880575458613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6637997637956571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034195601025285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671766280610048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121974199241025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743934667297667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26379816102616016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935833826276578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fallingsilver,2018/04/10,"I am ugly and I really want to kill myself. I know it's a dumb reason, but I can't help it (20F). I'm an ugly female and I can't cope with it. I'm not even ugly in a way that I can physically improve on. I'm not fat, I don't have bad teeth, braces, glasses - things that people can do to improve on. I'm genetically, bone-structurally ugly. 

I don't know how to cope with this. As a girl, attracting a partner is almost solely based on physical attractiveness and femininity. With men, personality traits, like humour, confidence and success play such a huge role, so at least there's something to strive for. I literally CAN'T change anything I want to change. I have A-cup boobs. I have thin thin lips. I have small half-lidded eyes that are uneven and make me look like I'm asleep/sad. I have a big nose. I have NOTHING going for me and it's not even in my control. 

And when I laugh or smile, I look 10x more freakish and ugly. It's almost like I'm meant to be sad and depressed, like my face was designed for that reason. All the signs clearly point to it. I mean, I also look my prettiest when I'm asleep, because of my stupidly shaped lidded eyes, so it's like I'm 'meant' to be dead. 

I just can't deal with it. It feels like everything that's 10000x easier for other people is a GIANT mountain for me to climb, and not even in being ugly, but everything. I don't have anything going for me. Everything's a struggle. What's the point? I can't cope with it anymore. I just want to die. 

Every bone in my body says 'lack lack lack'. I'm constantly never enough. I feel like a whiny bitch saying 'it's not fair, boo hoo' but I drew the worst genetic lottery in the entire world. 

I just wish I was born as someone else. Not just in looks, but in everything. I lack in so many ways, but being ugly on top of it just makes me unable to cope with it. ",1.4063802083333314,3.2757722942708365,3.442916666666669,89.37708333333337,79.96354166666666,6.245833333333334,20.5625,7.279313950308263,0.4925031250000002,1427,38,312,19,36,484,173,384,0.2,0.594,0.206,-0.3401,0,0,1,0,0,3,59.0,0,0,0,4,17,22,4,1,14,0,28,11,11,6,3,60,56,25,3,8,17,0,4,7,1,0,1,2,0,4,22,16,1,1,9,1,0,3,15,9,0,0,4,13,39,13,40,48,9,34,0,2,6,1,9,24,3,3,12,192,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015563785337336,0.0,0.0,0.0804831825443715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998095869300286,0.0,0.0,0.1656391935584137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403166937548506,0.06135028539002616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179031206801857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129312840008847,0.0,0.0,0.10875799355911953,0.11287829639769535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037572398212067,0.08668260411387622,0.0,0.1044502620508884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407327999780513,0.0,0.0,0.10398984575422282,0.0,0.1994188084216403,0.0,0.08479502706068807,0.0,0.3618013133130724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177499994657836,0.14379699304041665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439406787634135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745805316836195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111345200872464,0.0,0.11062016329200536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441793769523445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380549389208663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435831832358228,0.10203495264373924,0.0,0.10962838545945122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776211329908496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656848716267936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954465476194855,0.08787650664697379,0.0,0.0,0.1902779951001346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447369128585592,0.20695299111108184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006874086111358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527344029072438,0.07747894706461014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521262370896477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668619162275447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808336035491582,0.1597694960147563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573306211461183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fideliowalkabout,2018/04/10,"What makes life worth living? Hello, I was wondering what the point of staying alive is, in anybody’s opinion. 
I have been suicidial all my life, attempted multiple times, been on countless medications and inpatient stays, and nothing has ever seemed to help me. 
I don’t have anything wrong with me or have had anything traumatic happen to me, but I still feel this way. I’ve tried every single possible thing and nothing seems to ease my desire to end my life. I don’t want to hurt anybody around me, but every help line or therapist/psychiatrist has never given me any peace. I know what I want and can’t see any other way, how are so many other people able to be swayed or convinced otherwise? 
I have only stayed alive up to this point because of seeing how my family reacts after a major attempt, but I don’t feel like that will stop me anymore.
This is not a plea for a help, I just don’t understand where else to go when I am at the same time highly motivated and not motivated at all, I am unable to achieve anything, especially not to the degree of others and I have never been without the suicidal ideation. 
I’m not really sure what else to do but I think I may end this by next weekend.

If this is the wrong place to post this I’m sorry, feel free to delete.
I am also sorry if this isn’t legible or reads as ranting.",6.085113636363637,5.881599405303035,6.917939393939395,76.81190909090911,66.31060606060606,9.918787878787882,31.236363636363638,9.558583805096642,2.726924545454545,1049,36,202,19,15,350,146,264,0.085,0.732,0.183,0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,5,10,7,0,0,8,0,29,4,0,6,6,52,48,22,1,5,16,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,16,8,0,1,11,2,2,1,13,3,0,0,6,5,26,5,28,39,5,31,0,1,2,0,4,11,0,11,14,142,42,4,0.10118952221565257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092122435708994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762469008642908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003528156021975,0.0,0.0,0.2498110646322574,0.09008012819645796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168419353547287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906172291057378,0.0,0.17924776408330034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153171605353493,0.17051307346998834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953924759080633,0.0,0.15349338851155758,0.07228981488948477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750833738860992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948156031177253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034756112727033,0.10691228591112152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832547638333387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055611115075097785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441945621183128,0.04943608927437236,0.0,0.08935220199440817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754479182846541,0.10259029320314196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019377979546088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560871953377625,0.0,0.10761620484644717,0.0,0.0,0.19418815132484912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695919141950902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701520737552767,0.0,0.10572151362341314,0.0,0.1913136116756613,0.11407598229305252,0.09691159091512852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121690553744997,0.0,0.06482459903714836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126989630853858,0.18423828122492156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654677122443925,0.0,0.3235637009626288,0.08081008315325468,0.08459897153915555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068491357988276,0.0,0.09536992715944688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748883447411605,0.06722582225188704,0.06483815998196245,0.0,0.0,0.11800884829705775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870104332974161,0.0,0.0,0.10534186126666398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936840386582047,0.16063906550044146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754308845936807,0.10973572038684974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126971509099205,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,24hrsoftherapy,2018/04/10,"2 reasons The only 2 reasons I haven’t killed myself is because of my mom and my cat. I’m thankful for that. 

",-0.7487499999999976,1.3252582916666709,2.2800000000000007,92.965,91.08333333333334,3.2,24.66666666666667,3.1291,0.17176666666666707,85,4,18,0,3,30,20,24,0.179,0.675,0.147,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760507134139333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767843657726106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988652437093109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590147898397199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7003144355529879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31354620620215506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2032a,2018/04/10,I can’t take it anymore People have told me it gets better for the past four years but it never has. I go to school with kids who make jokes about Suicide and think it’s funny while little do they know I have tried to commit suicide three times this year. I have also gone to hospitals that were like jail where I was under close watch to make sure I didn’t kill myself. The kids also make fun of my depression sometimes too. I am surrounded by friends but they are all fake and I don’t think anyone of them would be sad if I disappeared. I was diagnosed with ADHD so I have tons of problems in school and work. My teachers like to tell me how stupid I am and act like I am a burden for them. My parents care about me but they make me feel depressed by telling me I am a failure and I should be doing better when I am doing my best. Our family is split up all the time and when my parents fight I am the one who causes it. On top of all this I hate myself and I don’t know what to do. I feel I am a burden and people would be happy if I died. I was camping with my Boy Scout troop on an outing and I saw a tree fall and kill an eleven year old kid and to this day I think I’m a failure and I could’ve saved him. If I did it would’ve prevented the lawsuit and all of the people traumatized by it. I am in high school currently and honestly I don’t think anything awaits me in life. I think I’m a failure and people would be happy without me. I don’t know why I am saying all of this but I guess I’m saying it because I need help and people never know because of the facade I put on on a daily. I hate myself and I really want this all to end. I feel like I sound like a crybaby saying this. I don’t know what to do.,1.5346187943262422,2.683831593085109,3.451723404255321,92.6386666666667,77.4840425531915,6.289929078014183,20.512056737588647,6.742157984588678,0.15086588652482247,1333,30,313,12,30,451,162,376,0.224,0.596,0.179,-0.9854,3,0,0,0,1,5,19.0,1,0,5,5,10,30,6,0,17,0,41,2,0,6,10,68,73,31,5,10,8,2,3,5,1,4,2,4,0,4,19,21,0,1,13,1,0,6,10,13,0,4,9,9,63,17,36,56,8,36,0,3,2,0,24,15,0,4,20,223,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109552455682226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454097687253705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342413223661442,0.058818445519471275,0.0,0.06922334022217018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255716867598323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827842847150043,0.14879406583101062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576563372524648,0.08641409697820734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716273031402194,0.0,0.0,0.05425024320721532,0.0,0.1449043373614939,0.08537971811554068,0.08730296098300712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450508032220705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793005604952659,0.0,0.1276003335212232,0.06009512578707056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499066646827631,0.0,0.043949067899577206,0.0,0.047807160309612434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266732604008868,0.0,0.0,0.17909395568960734,0.0,0.16610156379642013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638365733230855,0.08887707458975194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613195479926772,0.0,0.23114991791764686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059416227177343774,0.2054831657755702,0.08431003184310784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246021942315728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623736867940747,0.12975658676002932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882694677886391,0.0,0.0570016812960865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680992929644824,0.0,0.08030176571098481,0.2915900188008665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049118599007822,0.0,0.08456352590220167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388922961262834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068606957426996,0.0,0.2554008620310397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319652772725086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402658284525855,0.0,0.0792818155325555,0.0,0.06324754062673357,0.0,0.14704863954909173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695025146955394,0.0,0.0,0.09810173941157199,0.0,0.0,0.08037997193295959,0.0,0.057111750070400986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961597464514858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590493933011237,0.0,0.0,0.08108838263850278,0.0,0.061240138670384685,0.0,0.0,0.2390248667742819,0.0,0.0,0.16251097376975324
suicidewatch,HopefulbutLost,2018/04/10,"I survived cancer twice, in the process I destroyed my life and now I want to die. I managed to beat a very aggressive form of cancer...twice....after I beat it the first time I became an alcoholic and cheated on my husband. My marriage is shit. I have no one else to blame but myself and all I can think about is killing myself. I feel like its a wasted life....so many others who have died of cancer are more deserving of this life than I am. My husband says he wants to work it out but every discussion leads to him making snarky and mean comments about me cheating on him. I know we need therapy...in the mean time we are fighting like cats and dogs. Every time we have a big fight I get a little closer to getting the courage to take my life. I really don't want to be here anymore. ",3.164104166666668,4.360332868750003,4.212500000000002,88.60916666666668,73.4375,6.833333333333335,25.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.0852083333333336,609,20,128,6,12,198,98,160,0.271,0.643,0.085,-0.9881,0,0,1,0,3,2,24.0,3,0,0,6,4,11,8,0,9,0,11,7,1,2,1,23,24,7,3,4,2,2,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,9,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,8,0,3,0,2,26,3,18,23,3,13,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,0,7,86,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544863612570834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353347256553587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32134411004617336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293268815658642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26087423786340075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827839811174604,0.11059885310143044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168435279514082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176741261155367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712782896841475,0.0,0.085081495317152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373976421789663,0.151268191346851,0.15516387901128229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333926737291704,0.1569566720422936,0.0,0.33727474943148383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479230857382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490568899943624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991775441288559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311397326405416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891391602448365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164005460207865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919829151831462,0.0,0.0,0.2708191319363946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773741760141358,0.2739391832229285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270613068879427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nebitno001,2018/04/10,"I am giving up! I am thinking about suicide every day for years.I reached a point where nothing is making me happy.I never truly laughed for years,only fake laughing every fucking day.By knowing myself and other people I started to feel disgust towards human race.I was too good,and now I'm not half the man I used to be.
 I don't know what is keeping me alive.I got nothing.I don't have looks,I am poor,I am not much of a person,actually, I am terrible person and I am not that smart.
Even though it won't matter what you say to me,I am curious about what you have to say.I know I will hurt my family,but if I'm dead I don't care.
Tell me,why should I live?",1.275321839080462,2.5531008482758644,3.770775862068966,89.54972701149427,78.44827586206897,5.936781609195402,23.117816091954023,6.42735559955562,0.516850574712644,513,16,115,4,12,180,88,145,0.239,0.6940000000000001,0.067,-0.9754,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,0,0,7,9,2,0,3,0,19,1,0,2,1,17,34,4,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,2,16,4,11,28,1,8,0,1,0,1,8,4,1,1,4,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872759412765523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23691926287539225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132016420461285,0.0,0.3095198498524651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287508888833168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169810958978622,0.0,0.17620441807971962,0.0,0.15406366502294544,0.14690719702819036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663527554247973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326491454650954,0.0,0.0,0.30284030962356684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219448504729506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260909618019597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502733299091893,0.0,0.1416668067781323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762477393024472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273419034311996,0.3207679045076982,0.0,0.0,0.17363876902672176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29214244251579696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001099594002827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091818847079934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054607882461294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769594632202425,0.1804665365258981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864218839706698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574434704377322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thinhdo95,2018/04/10,"Hope this help... These are the contents of the Voyager Golden Record on the Voyager spacecrafts...

The record attached to the spacecrafts so if some kind of intelligent life may finds it, they learn about Earth...

There are sounds, greeting in languages, images, etc... and i hope it's something can help you guys value life a little bit more...

Hang in there.
[Contents of the Voyager Golden Record](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contents_of_the_Voyager_Golden_Record)",8.282288732394367,12.417857845070422,3.9923767605633813,82.24659330985915,69.14084507042253,5.240140845070423,28.59330985915493,6.6274283507984215,1.6350971830985919,381,14,51,3,8,97,51,71,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.935,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,8,5,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,0,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28502192524892345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911631862637225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23861417270959245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585013446345814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499807886534778,0.0,0.0,0.5186048385138011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718652813935445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688043491713235,0.0,0.2616617370344198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009852176584224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway1253050,2018/04/10,"My life is sucking more everyday. I wish it would get better I hate my life. I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up. My job has been down hill. A little over a month ago, my job was removed and I was placed in a new role with half the job roles as the last. I thought that was the worst of it. Now my new job is being eliminated and I will be placed in a role with a horrible schedule. I just started seeing a guy, and our schedule was aligned really well, we had the same days off each week, and that will stop in 2 weeks. I don’t see that causing him to lose interest in me, but I think it could put a strain. I just wish I could quit, but I can’t lose my pay, losing my job while screw me and my family(I pay my moms mortgage so  without my job, me and Mom, and my brother and sister would be homeless. When this first started to happen, I wish I would have followed thru on ordering Nembutal. That would solve my issues and I could just never wake up from that ",2.1849817073170748,3.372912678048781,3.394192073170732,93.54836128048781,75.87804878048779,6.685975609756098,23.056402439024392,7.1686216300943375,0.5435914634146335,749,21,176,8,16,243,113,205,0.116,0.787,0.097,-0.224,8,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,2,0,0,6,8,11,3,1,11,0,25,6,3,1,1,40,40,16,0,12,8,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,2,0,2,4,5,8,1,2,7,2,34,3,19,20,4,37,0,3,2,1,11,13,2,0,19,127,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908420421864296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890390604734139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164894784013994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28492543613126003,0.0,0.0,0.057536650660908475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588670327113478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661144387780743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833742329662526,0.07889301832294303,0.0,0.0,0.08808188761367755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311785774731453,0.5311960172569654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072722582623662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260311661141946,0.0,0.08941742124248746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994281479465467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089763533487763,0.0712110027366531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880853395299358,0.1723298728347501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642252733100528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968627163394077,0.0,0.09489172170615186,0.0,0.0,0.05715376734375448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218648892664384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262944543164903,0.0,0.0,0.07458819659029396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057165723593332225,0.0,0.0708271831088083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312666942598876,0.0,0.08021549593879647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103739292203299,0.08600060882140133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25350467474094074,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whateverissuewhateve,2018/04/10,I FUCKED UP I'M SO DUMB I DO THIS ALL THE TIME I LET AN OPPORTUNITY SLIP I FUCKED UP IM GONNA KILL MYSELF,-4.00416666666667,-6.806543083333335,-0.2916666666666643,101.90333333333336,167.33333333333334,2.733333333333334,6.833333333333334,5.033348758259628,-2.0799666666666665,82,1,22,1,9,29,19,24,0.49,0.43,0.08,-0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6893029206457171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026924916566538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124525934642285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812175358447925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738511738777466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MilkTeaBaby,2018/04/10,"I'm terminal My doctors have given me 5-6 months. Waiting to die is the most gut wrenching thing I've ever been through. My heart is failing. I am on the heart transplant list but chances of me living long enough to receive a heart is slim and holding out hope just makes it hurt more. 

I have no real family anymore that's keeping me here longer than I can take.

I have ran through all possible ways I could end everything. So it's on my terms and not a guessing game of when and how painful. Because every morning I wake up is another morning in limbo, with my friend and the man I love (only two people I really have) trying to keep a brave face whenever she and he interact with me. I can tell it breaks their heart.

Are there anyother terminal patients that struggle with suicide contemplation?",4.211923076923076,5.819568910256411,4.759487179487183,84.09384615384619,71.43589743589743,7.764102564102564,31.58974358974359,8.344100000000001,2.4137282051282054,634,29,121,10,12,202,109,156,0.147,0.733,0.12,-0.5744,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,1,6,0,14,10,7,2,2,25,25,9,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,9,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,3,0,19,4,16,21,5,15,0,2,0,1,10,5,0,3,6,81,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191098383529493,0.0,0.0,0.13421636700535286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249921348300412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805431736875723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045679514789772,0.0,0.0,0.13852153297446854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986700893605184,0.13983766221138094,0.0,0.0,0.12241863191132996,0.11402592498639125,0.0,0.12163074546308032,0.0,0.12758218570347254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455980672221188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908721862308436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6414924785109289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441860472735614,0.0,0.0,0.1448793619496297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405846721347731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950365182733645,0.11976758444248385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214549682786807,0.0,0.09033744110664448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802343791179053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292868234949493,0.14400642452798745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382453716743168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257034707061268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404133215221702,0.08669933297969394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148196131918864,0.0,0.1480349793261605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175539016536418,0.0,0.1182891187730962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991083685546644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918838638444075,0.0,0.13220303647071344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074229539112804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pookoos,2018/04/10,"I've Got A Serious Problem I am considering taking my life, I don't know what to do and it scares me. I have a huge gambling problem and I just blew all the money I had left, I am thousands of dollars in debt, my work is seasonal and it's about to end so I will be out of a job. I have so many calls from debt collectors, I have no reason to be here anymore, I failed",-0.10719512195121794,1.533583097560978,2.797743902439024,93.26051829268292,83.87804878048779,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.6128243902439023,282,10,69,4,8,100,55,82,0.248,0.722,0.029,-0.936,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,4,0,12,1,0,1,1,10,15,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,13,0,9,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,51,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626096987213934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27038963687687123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23453353570563965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178414719555494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26277239283064235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455267407077353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877051559757935,0.0,0.18703553875692486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26846487393649743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067542337181143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722577275230732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26511024022083585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990960785992546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277700510293905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,staticrank,2018/04/10,"Anyone else feel so...disconnected from everyone else? I wrote a big suicide note. I don’t know. I’m nearing 30. I use my looks to keep people around and satisfy my loneliness. The only reason I am still here is complete cowardice. I’m writing on here as some stupid last gesture, one I’ve made so many times before.

I’m not...happy. I don’t know what happiness is. I don’t know what friendship is, not really.

When I was in middle school I used to hate gym class. I tried my best to not participate. I got quite good at it. The problem came when we would play dodgeball. I was so good at being ignored by my fellow students that I almost always was the last one left. I hated that feeling...being on display, being so visible because I was inherently invisible to my classmates. I would pretend to catch the ball and then drop it. After this happened a few times I would pretend to be hit in the beginning, so I could at least pretend that I am visible to someone, even just for a moment. 

 My brain isn’t working, or maybe it’s my soul. I’ve tried all I’ve could - therapy...years and years of therapy, since my teen years, and medication. Oh good, the medication made me better able to go to school, to get my degree, to work in the corporate life. And what am I doing now? 

I forget things now. I know I’m getting worse. My brain is deteriorating. Something is wrong with me, something I assume will be discovered long after I’m gone, and they will look at the descriptions of those suffering and think “how terrible.” 

It’s all so stupid. Every last minute I am here.",2.1652301910429053,4.464867168284791,3.916189581375928,84.73910115878486,79.58252427184465,6.834993214322997,24.530848731600376,7.941651935203635,1.5183054807391176,1221,45,240,22,31,409,164,309,0.152,0.757,0.091,-0.9467,1,0,2,0,0,1,54.0,1,0,1,5,17,16,4,0,11,0,29,5,2,6,2,43,59,18,1,6,4,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,13,11,0,2,8,6,0,4,6,9,0,2,10,3,37,7,31,37,6,37,1,1,2,0,5,14,0,4,18,156,50,6,0.09791372404775253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804645102568896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147206211262491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846355246166813,0.10032418119550304,0.0,0.08716397331748461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968729737718032,0.0,0.08331736747809954,0.0,0.10275441259139408,0.08659673204585114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860819610006094,0.0,0.11198721579691467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266067677751184,0.0,0.0,0.1563522826797835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635887048544927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467109128721595,0.0,0.0824965354945219,0.0935607593280894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049508120856773606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023117591500458,0.0,0.05564662579899391,0.24637615873824695,0.07831054970990455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658478281038809,0.20846195989426614,0.0,0.19333906271250853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703021679750887,0.0,0.0,0.21524328828617229,0.2394382604087464,0.0,0.0,0.10638354766957314,0.0,0.06915935894776147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665056461705288,0.16444573599713516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852966662975756,0.0,0.09926914801774453,0.09836749630496774,0.0,0.0,0.19727555186379134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269774688370528,0.07446779929970218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788104776710993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369021037642587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414329796330768,0.0,0.0,0.06272603884918558,0.10067161582880156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818783220114053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099524434480672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296198064361647,0.15075753680741685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819402650484869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071017220677573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197287671426978,0.0,0.06504952750766459,0.06273916078690481,0.0,0.0,0.11418855978711065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295398280555326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691320402522228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142564714507178,0.0,0.09978244980812734,0.2086653008446174,0.10705328649230887,0.0,0.1891596841776292
suicidewatch,CrazyHandfulofNothin,2018/04/10,"Suicidal about stupid mistake Hi guys, I’m beginning to freak out a little. A while back, I got talking to a group of guys on kik. I started out anonymous and was quite trolling and silly. I eventually opened up as I was in a dark period, I sent images of my face. They don’t have my real name as it’s a throwaway account but they are making memes of me and sharing the pics around the group still as I logged in to check. Some of these pictures include images of my face superimposed on to men’s head in gay porn. 
Is there anyway they can track me or my social media accounts down with just the images? I’m really panicking. Someone please put my mind at ease.

I don’t think the images are on the web. For now it seems they’re constrained to this one particular group/messenger app. 

My suicidal thoughts have been intense today, very persuasive. Would simply deactivating my account and ignoring them lessen the chance of spread? ",3.2536176470588245,5.610228394444443,4.141633986928107,84.2279411764706,76.16666666666667,7.124183006535947,25.588235294117645,8.124751697461798,1.6950196078431383,741,27,140,13,17,238,117,180,0.132,0.785,0.083,-0.8813,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,1,8,6,1,0,11,0,12,5,3,1,0,24,22,10,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,2,3,0,4,2,2,4,0,1,6,0,20,2,29,15,1,24,0,0,0,2,15,14,0,3,8,91,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049888606396646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472717929008655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318096438723594,0.0,0.0,0.3792820152170504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965610928761284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919595255256792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278451973454084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933868210884334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978308104692327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023820669153231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925366881508551,0.0,0.20371164390471724,0.0,0.21799869762861035,0.12269656079165815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435822055382055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523679809696332,0.16227949171013248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556320004674088,0.0,0.1529530367709688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189970606680031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539414705035585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272222822831785,0.0,0.15205037536272634,0.0,0.0,0.18154440272883576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802913816597716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360546871225642,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halfwaywanttodie,2018/04/10,"I don’t want to die but not being alive sounds like such a wonderful option I have tethers here. I’m in love. I have a close friend and a good father. I have a future I want to see. But I’m in such a dark place and there’s this constant voice telling me just to give up even if it would hurt everyone I care about. I hate it. I want to be okay I want to live. I want to be happy and grow old with the love of my life. 
I hate absolutely everything about myself, from the way I look to my mentally ill brain. I hate it all. If I could keep all the people in my life and my relationships with them and just be a different person who I actually liked, I would do it in a heartbeat. I feel like I contribute nothing to the world. I’m in college on my dads money trying to become a vet but failing miserably. I don’t work. I don’t do extracurriculars. I want to, but I can barely handle classes and caring for myself. I have one friend who lives near me, my roommate, and she’s going through the same thing so even though we understand each other, it’s hard to motivate myself to do anything when I see her sleeping all day and isolating herself too. My girlfriend, who is also my best friend, is going through something that actually warrants a depressed response while I’m just plain sick in the head. Yet she does so much. She’s in theater, she’s got tons of friends, she goes to parties and has fun, she’s an artist and she’s constantly improving the world or creating something. I love her so much and I want to hear about her life, but every time I do get to hear about it it reminds me how empty mine is and what a failure I am. This ends up making her feel like she can’t even talk to me, which in turn leaves me even lonelier. We’re long distance. We grew up together and are extremely in love, so I don’t buy into that “long distance never works” shit, but it is damn hard being apart. I feel like she deserves so much better than me. 
I can’t talk to her about my suicidal thoughts because she goes into a panic and has an asthma attack that puts her in danger. She feels at fault when she’s what’s keeping me here. 
I feel like if I just wasn’t here, if somehow she never had to grieve for me and could just forget I existed and I could disappear, her life would be better. I want to stay for her. But I don’t feel like I can change or get better. I’m trying so hard but every day I take one step forward and ten steps back. 
I have no plan to end my life. Im going to keep working on staying alive, on becoming someone I can stand. I’m trying to set goals for myself and keep to them. I’m working so hard on myself but no progress is happening. 
I guess I’m coming here because I have nobody else to talk to. I’ve tried suicide hotlines but they don’t seem to care unless you’re literally two steps away from shooting yourself. They’ve only offered information I already have, things I already try. They feel so generic and distant and like I’m wasting their time. I just want to be told that I belong here. I just want to feel like I mean something and like I’m not a burden. ",1.8750836202656167,3.635467182242994,3.4699212985735386,90.24588539104772,78.11214953271029,6.249811444499098,23.412690605017207,7.133030437378802,0.7691345794392523,2409,78,522,28,57,798,265,642,0.15,0.628,0.223,0.9948,1,0,3,1,0,3,60.0,2,0,5,13,41,44,7,2,21,1,46,16,4,3,5,103,112,52,4,20,26,2,12,10,5,3,8,4,0,1,23,30,0,4,15,1,2,12,15,15,0,4,5,19,102,29,69,94,10,63,0,5,3,4,55,28,2,11,30,355,125,9,0.0,0.0,0.10540774280650853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191980121275782,0.0431900585662371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044443859229274935,0.0,0.0,0.061441726818404575,0.05074215341428414,0.0415287033614246,0.0,0.0658453688157712,0.11929485548546732,0.0,0.0,0.05667790712463226,0.14329666470992458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029062267385471,0.0,0.0,0.16519380918750945,0.0,0.05713314468840808,0.046522981060349966,0.0,0.1167265995917878,0.0,0.12936262199786844,0.0,0.0,0.06966119128366494,0.0,0.04651688253366764,0.0,0.05605162212303902,0.05642670883175267,0.0,0.0,0.04726263396211328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045116628992137114,0.0,0.09566985040243647,0.0,0.0,0.1426867036922725,0.0,0.09100788684288667,0.05160681564882642,0.048538773621179004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184639359085038,0.2314993153125024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690532542708775,0.0,0.056433745633126274,0.05180925148890933,0.09208171822390504,0.04529922264982951,0.0431950117897769,0.0,0.05949573627133345,0.0,0.04775896387095538,0.05749236117425668,0.19352170345207748,0.15996471339228072,0.05542763592173388,0.0,0.1217415454645454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781652102254441,0.0,0.058337746379447136,0.0,0.0,0.19201863629159385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057186515606368025,0.0,0.0,0.19073671019986072,0.26385507733099395,0.0,0.09537984299721282,0.09559049640411436,0.045352992230856426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497677488703533,0.0,0.03605065961486676,0.0,0.0,0.05883038218456783,0.0,0.0,0.054427210564697716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910595311472034,0.0,0.08330836763330561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182198919519139,0.0,0.05667215404588152,0.0,0.07319423452334067,0.04107540402442792,0.0,0.06336657597001097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037442243343515626,0.04715757191369351,0.05642670883175267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054292806863499424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057984219608676314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607452892458001,0.04916671874076781,0.0,0.0,0.05543828246807962,0.0,0.0,0.054046854366132525,0.0,0.045760676502453634,0.1247336457970964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151303654099986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118151645329009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060718224793386,0.13022839345482445,0.04720524186640684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176083217450865,0.0,0.05306243894504722,0.042876200595197735,0.06298482394177413,0.0,0.0,0.05160681564882642,0.0,0.18333892674926885,0.0587450326454109,0.05275782233228385,0.056224077103759436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185522954504906,0.042868917902017564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856921009254362,0.15727343370097352,0.0,0.0,0.11509688239310893,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,actual_mall_goth,2018/04/10,"I don't want to accidentally kill myself. I've made this account to post here, I've never done it before. I've been dealing with off and on depression my whole life. I've been to therapy but never gotten a solid diagnosis for anything other than depression. It used to just be complete sadness all the time. However, it's not like that anymore. I have fits, or like moments of feeling like the scum of the earth, sometimes lasting a day or more and sometimes less than an hour. During this time, I have almost killed myself twice. When they're over, I feel completely fine, and sometimes regret it. I don't want to do it if I'm not completely sure. I really don't know what to do. ",3.4765858585858602,5.220675688888889,4.842289562289565,82.20484848484848,73.59259259259258,7.575757575757577,27.08754208754209,8.296473431620573,1.8935925925925927,538,20,103,9,11,179,85,135,0.265,0.695,0.041,-0.9856,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,2,0,6,0,11,1,0,2,4,24,20,8,2,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,5,2,9,5,15,14,4,14,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,4,12,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142489851686524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006563131642172,0.0,0.0,0.11622309504580346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017926316573473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442417540782261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108389095778988,0.1456054848658467,0.24328832615795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453085401633173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282375128693664,0.10089720452269227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908649841816156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31250777272906194,0.0,0.07761821025610749,0.11512411149721083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975736213150604,0.20699858830502976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336385047725083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178558859978275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526260406298993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047776422102964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41905047857376976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311085469829675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151275808859186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164708720313068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198035409947618,0.0,0.0,0.16660629546236294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768210259841822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FailureThrowaway932,2018/04/10,"I'm done with all the pain, I feel like I'm drowning. Its been a year of hell. I thought that after graduating with a bachelor's degree in IT I could lift myself up. But no company would hire me, no experience they said. A year of getting rejected from all the applications I sent, even KFC. I think I am not even wanted to clean the floors at a BK. A whole year of this, I worked hard to get certified as a substitute teacher. And now I can do it, today I got the letter saying I can start in two weeks. 

And today I got another letter from the landlord, he wants the unit empty in 60 days. See my mother is sec 8, so she pays very little rent, recently her portion of the rent went from 140 to 540. Because the department of housing cut the budget to section 8. We can't afford it, and the landlord wants us out. 

I've tried looking for a place and I am better off making my own house from scratch. No one wants to rent to sec 8 people because the gov is not willing to pay up what owners are demanding in rent. My mother is 70, without me... she needs help to live. And I am dragging her down. She would be better in a home for the elderly.

My sister and brother don't care, they have their own lives. My brother just said to me. ""You have always been a failure and disappointment, this is what you deserve."" He's right, I've never accomplished anything. I'm terrified of speaking to strangers face to face. I don't have ambition in my life, I'd be happy living in a tiny room forever. 

I am nothing but despair to my family and to my mother. I'm 27 years old and I've never lived so why continue this existence of mine. All I feel like is as if I am drowning, seeing a precipice, I think its best to jump. End it all.",1.4232361226180643,3.3776592647887327,3.5062841756420897,88.5211495443248,80.29577464788733,6.542667771333886,23.68061309030655,7.618777277803332,1.1257787903893957,1329,47,283,21,34,452,187,355,0.08199999999999999,0.846,0.07200000000000001,0.3662,5,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,2,2,3,5,6,13,2,0,23,0,29,4,2,1,6,40,57,16,2,9,7,6,4,2,0,3,2,4,9,0,12,13,0,0,5,0,7,4,11,6,0,2,10,11,43,7,46,41,10,40,1,3,3,0,29,19,1,1,19,189,55,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629188172330711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874501266024476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534138168017705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264366967546628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883327840195256,0.1834394457573832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057354016621745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280097701173962,0.0,0.0,0.06688193168561679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061274678006872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185292816675328,0.0,0.0,0.1369939588017097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144458159050214,0.097764993410575,0.0,0.10487396043591464,0.14817548677808814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083644379502105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588667373885194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039719825759324,0.09290040201337403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951209238787588,0.0,0.10402579308403513,0.0,0.0,0.2393261051240521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732507692530246,0.1013312401454312,0.10394087577828497,0.3662979645322441,0.0,0.08708710466264262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692247063006612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689684713867839,0.1599692583551194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950891385282136,0.0,0.10882223130347783,0.0,0.07027401775598137,0.0,0.11035072857100264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189683424332917,0.0,0.10835092583937572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239737979389292,0.0,0.0,0.08856454416245603,0.1972967250129604,0.08247134760455224,0.0,0.0,0.16528085889209715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340379539685901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329015149894973,0.0,0.08233115358218858,0.0,0.0,0.19660273863050945,0.0,0.0,0.07040971506919531,0.0,0.10130590660562347,0.0,0.1247458121338009,0.0,0.0,0.08556849145400673,0.2446744589923439,0.0,0.08318687321021485,0.0,0.0,0.09613670375974373,0.09357873194202128,0.11578428966016716,0.0,0.0999690940999171,0.0,0.07549936237752418,0.0,0.0,0.14733984463165475,0.0,0.0,0.2671336189054137
suicidewatch,RunicApe,2018/04/10,"I wish I was dead I'm 26 and have nothing to show for it; no job, no friends, no significant other, no goals, no ambition, no accomplishments, severely depressed for 14 years, severe anxiety attacks everyday for 3 years, live at home with my verbally abusive alcoholic mother who's kicking me out at the end of the month, soon to be homeless, can't hold down a job because of my anxiety, deadbeat dad who hasn't been in my life for years, abnormal fear of death but I still want to die, in debt, feel like crap mentally, emotionally, and physically every single day, and I hate myself because i'm a selfish, lazy, cowardly, toxic human being. After everything that I've been through in my life if I become homeless I will kill myself. I absolutely refuse to struggle and suffer anymore than I already have and the day I become homeless is the day I will be dead.",11.794654471544714,7.53245728658537,11.618780487804875,60.44532520325204,58.45121951219512,14.835772357723574,47.455284552845534,12.45797560212912,5.8200113821138215,681,33,119,16,6,230,105,164,0.401,0.55,0.049,-0.9969,3,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,2,2,11,4,2,6,0,13,4,1,0,0,14,19,7,5,3,2,2,1,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,5,7,1,2,1,1,1,0,8,9,0,0,3,1,17,2,22,11,1,19,0,2,0,0,7,7,1,1,13,79,22,4,0.0,0.16514126260305145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895370814204095,0.0,0.0,0.1538081355886555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324902826902825,0.0,0.13822646470886987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585636753601506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699282267201167,0.30786619642447244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26966367382261713,0.0,0.12004688414169574,0.0,0.144653343484238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678255721150894,0.12344837854086875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743277550791592,0.0,0.12526481173935727,0.0,0.0,0.15684006675937648,0.07047418424957166,0.09957234868468696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768382989592963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760785596830638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980844964831754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766241997985363,0.0,0.15420215584790886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689494655501394,0.0680935139529751,0.0,0.12307416509965285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046119784761904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125094697019627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337378601931183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149170784147801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130820834547264,0.0,0.0,0.14570913942595815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220931503167338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027891225769506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692664194201812
suicidewatch,eggstogo,2018/04/10,"Preparation How much should I prepare before I go?  Is it possible to get all my obligations tied off in such a way that I can go with minimal inconvenience to those around me?  That process will take a long time.  It could be months, and it could be years.  I don’t know that I can wait that long.  But, I don’t know that the people around me will understand.  ",2.755833333333332,4.436347361111113,3.512222222222224,91.255,75.3888888888889,8.133333333333335,23.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.3237611111111107,278,8,63,6,6,88,48,72,0.045,0.955,0.0,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,1,1,14,20,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,7,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41605417774939857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884671096901266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731531384683332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208953196815794,0.0,0.26561445354263946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685172989359456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41360355707921104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652324991032126,0.0,0.17178362470015632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200611582174942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634420596648149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570025946623646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626222377899674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432718644466608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548639874672695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504839554472071
suicidewatch,Exrobite,2018/04/10,"i feel so alone Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped inside my head, I don't think normally and something about me is just inherently wrong.

People pretend to care about me but I just make everything worse, I'm out if place in whatever I do and when I'm alone o can't help but wonder why I had to be like this. I don't care about my university prospects because whatever happens I'll still be me and I'm just fucking disgusting and repulsive.

What's the point in living when I'll always just think wrong, all the decisions made have led me to this point and even if things get better I'll just make them again because thats who I am

sorry if this isn't the right place for this",3.691702127659575,4.6610867163120595,4.554390070921986,87.52350000000004,71.90780141843972,8.193191489361702,26.86595744680851,8.548686976883017,1.6367753191489354,541,18,118,9,10,175,78,141,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.121,-0.8254,1,3,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,14,9,2,0,3,0,11,2,1,4,1,28,28,13,0,4,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,2,15,5,10,24,1,13,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,4,6,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071604236639466,0.0,0.0,0.1233863423478147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078828783825213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114746023785298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023761727576049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794191042495654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327044763457435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499563357212303,0.105935987105825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708858574746138,0.0774736358289532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311293635747834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218484727831202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939339202481204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448906993035918,0.0,0.1309397974365758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031238016349762,0.1979649334320476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528939808753616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280326754394384,0.0,0.30985590213891395,0.0,0.28035756255048444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663595865189525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415828055462175,0.14665925352734155,0.16599472465096482,0.0,0.0,0.11842188197647563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851503770125576,0.190032150180916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380560517727125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608105080601153,0.0,0.0,0.15111672876660134,0.0,0.3242562693046616,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fighter_man,2018/04/11,"I’m gonna do it this year. This place sucks. This world sucks. Nobody should have to live in this shit-hole of a society. Blessed is everyone who makes it through day to day and you are all my heroes for going through this life and eating the steaks even if they’re tough. But yeah I’ve lost all my friends, my family is shit, my siblings are better than me. I could keep living and rebuild my life. But I’m tired. I love you too, death. I’ll be searching for the easiest way to end my life, and thanks for reading. ",1.0851316907391677,3.193216289719629,1.9886830926083263,98.1300424808836,82.3644859813084,5.386236193712829,20.00764655904843,6.574015621080383,-0.0340205607476638,401,11,93,4,11,125,72,107,0.152,0.648,0.2,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,3,2,11,3,0,3,1,9,7,1,1,2,13,20,7,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,6,11,15,2,9,1,1,0,1,5,3,3,1,4,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583047530912332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497052645054007,0.0,0.0,0.24184683888954125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918615797972667,0.0,0.0,0.16607131223644564,0.0,0.0,0.1238434471319352,0.0,0.0,0.17916640528010427,0.0,0.0,0.17676040460034406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486374911390862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656183192582952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666058726263902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973150866816466,0.0,0.0,0.3311357887740544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046808211593948,0.0,0.16922807302882215,0.0,0.1251591870175619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589991081734465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755295954827156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38493666620698497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726268513396358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550621780268128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883053376162067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207452813958036
suicidewatch,TChronic,2018/04/11,"I want to write a book before I do the deed. I am going to kill myself, but before I do, I want to write down everything everyone's ever meant to me and all the memories we shared. Best friends, ex girlfriends, family, pets, etc. I want to do this, not for pity or sincerity, but because I do love them and want them to know after I'm gone. The reasons why I am doing this, will be in the book. Whether it gets published or not, doubt it will, I will share my memories on here. Of course, I will be changing the names of the ones I love when I post here. I just thought I would let you guys know, the next time you see me post on this page, I will be gone. Thank you for reading this. ",3.578333333333333,3.5827862777777786,4.580555555555558,90.72,71.6388888888889,8.066666666666668,25.722222222222214,7.793537801064563,1.0288805555555558,520,14,125,6,9,170,81,144,0.018000000000000002,0.718,0.264,0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,3,2,1,5,11,1,1,8,0,17,2,0,1,2,27,34,8,1,5,8,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,5,3,0,3,2,3,0,1,4,1,25,8,15,20,4,14,0,1,1,2,17,4,0,3,5,89,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199001239897697,0.0,0.28473526916265685,0.0,0.17558047146984018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699073571800264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865937591334245,0.0,0.15134056749613142,0.0,0.1598709176532047,0.15036653943897274,0.0,0.15772403338689292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926251698423713,0.0,0.08741204613717145,0.0,0.09508555931651952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656622125048549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851026176219772,0.0,0.18389729980885544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108478619468534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30200580611644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793501766879913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337290717371025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32047154360069635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735427439468858,0.0,0.0,0.1720215154276694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332360999930098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540356468731115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132824655977258,0.09755922231587984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947327278687682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097034762884726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885151199421565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neonchicken1,2018/04/11,Done I want to die so fucking bad i am so done with this shitty fucking life im not strong enough ,0.5549999999999997,2.088921772727275,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,81.27272727272728,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.6807999999999996,77,2,19,0,2,25,17,22,0.494,0.463,0.043,-0.9395,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365110155330237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29398008791139124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5797484833919467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926842249742199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237402660965617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059703744440441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20007554717827475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670746149243348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apprehensivereveal,2018/04/11,"So long, and thanks for all the fish. Does it hurt to disappear?


Is it fast or is it slow? 


Does it happen in a spectacular burst of light, harrowing and wild and frenzied?


Does it happen as calmly as an exhaled breath, hushed and simple and unremarkable?


Will it feel cold, like shards of ice are in your blood, around your lungs, behind your eyes?


Will it feel warm, like dappled sunlight on your bare feet, your shoulders, the nape of your neck?


I wonder.


I used to wonder only a handful of times a year. It turned into every month, then every week, then every day. Now, every hour.


How easy, how simple it's going to be to just stop, to just let go, to just give up.


To close my eyes and sink down, down, deep down,

where it’s dark and quiet and calm,

where I can stay forever,

where I can finally go to a place that I belong. ",2.5606753246753238,4.281642145454549,3.4524891774891806,91.30159090909092,76.03030303030303,6.1688311688311686,19.058441558441558,6.868970318607317,0.04720779220779248,634,12,136,6,14,202,101,165,0.044,0.847,0.109,0.8757,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,6,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,0,9,9,9,3,1,24,22,16,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,10,12,6,25,18,1,34,0,1,2,0,7,15,0,3,16,86,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046700053696436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451728455358076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847596408242565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939231258519271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820747115044844,0.0,0.0,0.16054627429762588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059104288196556,0.2498755419817904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259200136833364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443293430958356,0.0,0.1568925385479975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498646902239923,0.0,0.1432009126771773,0.0,0.0,0.12969853059869146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698057727887536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146337232508773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531211050742808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621049981621946,0.0,0.1225284009493632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493020049031235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545869539928216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594121738184428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657838523509735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755936421351006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31787011358179323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437804663968992
suicidewatch,FailureSinceBirth,2018/04/11,"Life is suffering and I don't want to continue I am 24 yo and practically nowhere in my life - I had to take a break from university for 1 year because depression wouldn't let me concentrate, then I hade to take another year becaue I had an accident that destroyed my knee to the point that I will have problems with it if I will live old enough. Earlier I had to repeat one year because I was drawn into drugs. I am virgin, I am not only shy but also I am not well endowed and little guy also bears scars from phimosis surgery, I am too stressed to even talk to women - now I am crying even going into the internet and reading what women think about people like me - that we are failures; maybe they are right. I am also fat which wouldn't be that much of a problem if not aforementioned thing. I live with my parents and because of this leg I can't even get a job - so I am 24 yo unemployed virgin living with parents without education who is also not attractive physically. I think there is no sense in even continuing it anymore, every day all I feel is despise for myself - how much I hate myself - shame before normal people that achieved something and wondering why I was ever born. Those might be my last words, I just wanted it to be known.",6.852392120075045,6.131142719512197,7.523333333333331,74.82807692307695,64.89430894308943,10.496060037523453,33.96372732958099,9.851270322608157,3.16983277048155,983,37,187,18,13,328,145,246,0.188,0.7929999999999999,0.019,-0.9906,6,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,1,17,12,3,2,6,0,31,8,3,1,2,38,42,16,0,9,9,2,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,14,12,1,0,5,1,0,1,10,9,1,1,5,1,33,3,23,28,4,22,0,2,0,2,9,7,0,4,14,143,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538759673030698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600286806739615,0.0,0.0,0.10971302638756604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231299478073253,0.0,0.09413608853947757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151941633180267,0.07134576296992401,0.0,0.09528354063979612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282930971900932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430806440738273,0.0,0.2922744085479289,0.10006915619077833,0.09320867190809626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055936727113004826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057798446527430436,0.0,0.06287231404081749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953889028123273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922202463026894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978099669935587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017640204687197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312439536094322,0.15627933849329265,0.05404714291781682,0.11087809366843718,0.2930590567800163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114046953061983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735858708112945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626482874733223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839173115490633,0.0,0.0,0.1160852404343138,0.0,0.07496424351691841,0.08413740808672883,0.0,0.0,0.2456781047986161,0.0,0.0,0.15339073991834493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457900558204547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171168043915448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065771260587187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447551552570983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516666610131987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672374267215405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663566382458324,0.08891841516698876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349617812303415,0.1417716227359445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050225611094488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946765572943954,0.0,0.09982436003111587,0.0,0.0,0.10664122749170772,0.11997110309476335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372198038452814
suicidewatch,Sorygon117,2018/04/11,"I don't want to die but I just want to dissappear. I feel like a loser, I'm 16 and I think way too much to get to the point I feel like a loser because I'm really introverted and can't talk to people very easily, meaning it's hard to meet people and to try and get into a relationship. This all stemmed back from several years of being bullied horrendously even horribly injuring myself to try and end. This has lead me to be not very socially intelligent. It's just while having no friends back then and everyone going to party's, having friends, losing their virginity etc. I feel like I've missed out on everything. The point is I'm at my wits end (I have friends yeah) but I feel like none of them care about me and I'm being left out, I'm contemplating to commit suicide theirs a large bridge relatively where I live and I'm thinking about whether to go to it or not I need help yeah I'm seeing counselling but at least I hopefully think someone will listen. ",2.2517327935222653,4.473899835897433,4.1459649122807,83.61789473684213,78.84615384615384,7.592442645074222,24.109311740890693,8.532816995589336,1.7245384615384616,768,27,155,17,19,260,112,195,0.235,0.605,0.16,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,3,4,9,13,0,0,6,2,11,2,0,1,2,35,38,15,2,4,9,0,5,4,3,1,1,1,0,0,5,11,0,0,8,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,0,7,18,9,24,34,5,21,0,4,1,1,12,10,0,2,11,94,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889854154503954,0.0,0.07491092529927088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529173853336134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753756120677162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768325231622898,0.0,0.1370517644127114,0.08116586780307362,0.0,0.0,0.11742403092369105,0.11044313397431983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485419381462531,0.3511626958352061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28482714707167883,0.0,0.12840702936327422,0.0,0.13967930905106218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008283598233827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236873145093694,0.0,0.0,0.12205476431163335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351735365377151,0.0,0.0,0.240146006843126,0.0,0.10851169068262603,0.0,0.0,0.13747939628430025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386023783954107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033626628512112,0.09111933670542613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038908853200385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232336338558557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872471726868596,0.0,0.0,0.13193491423201453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792522575854637,0.0,0.0,0.1388276108797966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526807297170736,0.10412196577440508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441870303728026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877211441889364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23622355812228235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668647486457502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278969747905892,0.14496416460309852,0.09754217690248353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913535818472478
suicidewatch,BagusSalvador,2018/04/11,"Overthink I want to stop overthinking, nothing good ever come from it. It just killing me slowly and make me want to kill myself. How can i stop overthinking",3.867471264367815,6.685381724137932,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,76.58620689655173,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.8312666666666664,126,5,22,2,3,38,22,29,0.413,0.519,0.068,-0.9361,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,10,5,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415891574358221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536897125517024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352343031989639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6205689675147734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872074463599681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691063732582829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689497738551177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308420006761801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CriesAloneAtNight,2018/04/11,"Someone please help me die I don't have a gun to kill myself I need one so I can end this pain and suffering once and for all. I don't care I have heard it all before ""it'll get better you have so much to live for"" No some people's lives are just not meant to be. Please if you have a heart help me end this pain. If you were to kill me that would be even better because atleast I wouldn't have to do it myself.

If you really are going to help me

Pm me please.",-0.15259615384615444,1.4249104711538507,1.7410000000000032,101.104,83.71153846153845,4.929230769230768,14.246153846153849,5.6839178017228535,-1.1892930769230765,355,4,93,2,10,117,57,104,0.23,0.588,0.182,-0.8791,0,0,0,1,0,2,7.0,0,4,0,2,4,8,2,0,2,0,17,3,1,0,2,14,23,7,3,6,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,1,17,3,8,15,4,3,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,4,2,65,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917488236391994,0.0,0.12807198165673825,0.0,0.0,0.2662257681395169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345384636782672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620446768994295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666124099546189,0.0,0.0,0.09940970373595501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863468408658952,0.0,0.08553767184808668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835376178736914,0.3026488133106859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330315786788413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658042183154962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064135345419372,0.111600436386391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028705798680545,0.10198872047444132,0.0,0.3203041456789626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434391493171767,0.0,0.0,0.4956406995968484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641985026716528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275256958399315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691719862286103,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ticcitmaster,2018/04/11,"I’m insanely bored with my life I know this sounds selfish... i know things could be worse.. i know i should be glad. I’m sick of my life being so boring, but i don’t even have the motivation to fix it. It’s like i’m paralyzed, i find it hard to do anything, get out of bed, even just do the things i enjoy. my grades have been rapidly going down. i feel uncomfortable. i feel annoyed by the things i have to do to live. my throat is sore and the air is heavy. i dread every single second that goes by even if i’m just in bed doing nothing. it feels like there is weight on my chest and my whole body aches. i’m too embarrassed to tell anyone. my mind is completely isolated from the words i speak, the sentences that i write, the pictures i draw... so i can’t even begin to describe how horrible this feels, how hopeless i feel, how everything i have ever done in my life will soon be worth nothing, all the effort i’ve put forth.. please someone guide me , i don’t know what to do anymore and i fear life is just too much... it’s a pain.",1.3373502304147458,3.1220317096774224,2.8341267281106006,94.06833294930875,79.82949308755761,5.998986175115207,20.52741935483871,6.961326702584282,0.2240969585253456,799,21,184,9,20,261,118,217,0.206,0.698,0.096,-0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,2,17,13,1,3,9,0,26,11,3,4,2,31,43,10,0,3,5,0,7,2,0,2,7,2,2,0,13,5,1,0,11,0,1,2,3,9,0,1,2,9,28,4,18,34,4,11,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,121,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994417176939566,0.09161754498222388,0.0,0.1078245511354934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554212636612487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737994647349436,0.0,0.0,0.104614877379527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408672737031185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461699781572597,0.11852196634279225,0.11039640479916217,0.0,0.11775915883838373,0.0,0.0,0.14744247867605415,0.3312574593701062,0.09360614415059146,0.0,0.0,0.11975685331299743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845651342287498,0.0,0.07446600503388613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737499382114715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880373707999039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37019467740216205,0.12802693452550326,0.0,0.1156997719920562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230052497906744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632036277429096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514490334916425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942260532215867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382895876461058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171892881180752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101926090800644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452389832373147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611467473518535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955631866251904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462876369629873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133528319157131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrCag094,2018/04/11,"I'm 15, and my life has no joy or excitement. (English isnt my first language)
I live in a country called the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus, most of the people here are close minded and homophobic people. Since i came out to my mom when i was 12 my life's been going horribly. I just want silence, peace and to be alone. As i am writing this, i am in my bed, alone, the only time i actually don't hate anything in my surroundings other than my self. My  grades are always horrible, even though i seem to understand what we are supposed to learn in class i always find a way to fuck up my grades... I have a dream, in which I went to university in england, i had a happy life and a great job and i even had a husband. I was happy in that dream. But thats as impossible as the moon becoming green. I hate every moment of my existance, i have great friends, really really good friends who i love deeply from my hearth, but i want a fresh start, an escape from this torture. Thats impossible though, there is no way in hell i'm getting out of this country with grades like this. It would honestly be world if i was dead. I dont want to live anymore, i dont want to feel pain anymore, and i dont want to stand this anymore.  My mother is a homophobic and close minded bitch who find everything i do wrong. My dad in the other hand isnt that different from my mom. Just a little bit more dumb and stupid. In the past 3 years, i dont remember being actually happy. Not having that thought locked somewhere in my head. ""Just kill yourself"" and i really do want to die after all the things i went through and all the shit that was thrown right into my face by my mom for being gay. I want to end it all. I feel disappointed in my self. There were many times where i was just one step away frim taking my dads pills, i even wrote a note for my friends and only for them. Because they were the only ones who actually cared. Since my own mother bullies me... the thought of suicide is always in my mind, in school, at home, on the streets when i see tall buildings, when i go to a cliff. The only thing i think at those times is ""would i die if i jumped from here?"" or ""would overdosing these kill me?"" And the answer was yes, most of thr times. But i didnt. Im nervous. I do want to die but i cant seem to get my shit together and just, end, it, all. ",2.3500455605001065,3.7552021694214894,3.8537190082644655,89.5373500741683,75.85950413223141,7.112862894681077,23.56728120364484,7.793537801064563,0.9570196651833012,1806,54,404,26,39,599,221,484,0.174,0.662,0.165,-0.9776,2,2,0,0,0,5,69.0,1,0,2,1,18,31,12,1,25,1,43,13,5,0,4,70,77,29,7,13,14,8,3,1,3,3,5,0,2,2,25,21,0,0,13,2,0,7,12,16,0,3,18,5,66,15,57,52,9,56,1,1,2,3,23,31,6,8,16,269,91,7,0.0,0.0,0.18878926021586198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357762358437986,0.0,0.0,0.16097439439289693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918605462737243,0.0,0.0,0.05306709027650067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060587412586487775,0.0,0.0,0.03931051659139431,0.0712205350227489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040281535199415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584816896270038,0.07375564815390268,0.06574852662283534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007811569199865,0.0673749153090657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023119039703073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423221736561685,0.0,0.0,0.1277786456453782,0.0,0.054332857572636735,0.0,0.057956521470778614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521286410575601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787941946550815,0.05485238591255327,0.0,0.0,0.1494668801100728,0.05961694962604901,0.06738331742760864,0.0,0.07329859795470606,0.05408841580144263,0.0,0.14219371134344902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059419933519509,0.0,0.1273346049578453,0.06618199702455607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468545556671397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965674240113072,0.0,0.06399313642972422,0.0,0.14269004091644252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664666923278634,0.03150496255602813,0.06463265217589041,0.11388594120011855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820179825841855,0.0,0.0,0.06537943015756416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953396650973355,0.2265782624565269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739576442117285,0.1961802787884148,0.06861843527564117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061559887700744664,0.08941396818916461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393556581954115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305090256690472,0.055071321413323916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526402105897673,0.05138758060347759,0.11741260760258278,0.13454746234293666,0.0,0.1323894185395079,0.10668819117475592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564404466242314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053802412439486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048486001071797034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568424581844286,0.041320497483048994,0.1267157842104462,0.10239053255753144,0.15041094072973718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713296790870993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042875882267703,0.10237314111839224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955970332007256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742858416029896,0.07050612407905947,0.0,0.04152734462241163
suicidewatch,Ayylamo66677,2018/04/11,"My grades have me feeling trapped. I'm failing half of my classes and my attendance is poor, so I probably won't pass the 11th grade, and I won't graduate. It seems easier to just drop out but that's not a life I want to lead. I get fucked up on drugs and alcohol often to make the pain go away but it only ends up causing it's own problems. I feel like suicides the only option because if I don't graduate im going to be a fucking failure the rest of my life and I always end up feeling the world's passing me by. I have an amazing girlfriend that I'm deeply in love with and I think she feels the same way so I'm scared of what might happen to her if I leave her behind because she's depressed too. I have not told her any about how deep my feelings of depression goes and have never mentioned my suicidal thoughts to her because that's just something for her to worry about. I know my mother would be devastated and she's also depressed to the point that if I did it, she'd probably kill herself too. I can't go to her because she's already got too much on her plate to worry about. I feel fucking trapped.",3.5751923076923084,4.263266722222223,4.838536324786325,86.42139423076927,71.94871794871796,7.559401709401709,30.009615384615394,7.6454224807358475,1.7794025641025648,879,36,187,10,16,292,125,234,0.266,0.644,0.09,-0.9942,0,2,3,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,13,14,4,1,10,0,15,9,0,4,1,40,41,16,3,6,9,1,6,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,10,0,1,7,7,11,0,1,4,6,37,3,29,30,4,23,0,4,0,4,18,11,3,7,4,129,46,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198963920073484,0.0,0.0,0.12380383642998412,0.08971785436174609,0.09335060110426316,0.0,0.0,0.07629266610739847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540567160941346,0.0,0.0,0.273558564443665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524945853243845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898857999544719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010413221376474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873308789457486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403581096401015,0.08014815810833853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111519875024198,0.058614351773056274,0.0,0.19127953189324465,0.0,0.08972814359503073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920875097844492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211838466353745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241209927334528,0.0,0.0616563820288365,0.0,0.0,0.11879241772176302,0.0,0.0,0.15848543813299662,0.054810093309516486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012553494597058,0.0,0.07488732213713438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901526632722795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247214683116094,0.0,0.08652741212398525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065024861968245,0.1193774737399676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060552833085797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191838208492905,0.10735014223813223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232120070386234,0.0,0.0,0.10213305232416256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636891172900386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454340758064004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718864629219569,0.0,0.08906588340660608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720181736623836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617223823856701,0.08905075521211432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278676435558249,0.0,0.07969615906092091,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ryku999,2018/04/11,"How Secure Are The Hotlines? I've been wanting to call, or more likely text, the hotlines. If I do it will be on an Amazon Fire, if that matters. As a 15 year old I've been wondering how secure it is. In short, who can see the chats? Are they deleted? What are my odds of my parents finding out? I'm honestly worried about everything, even the Internet provider seeing it. 

If anybody knows please let me know. I have been wanting to use the text chat, but I'm just too paranoid someone will find out. 

Thanks.",1.5812061206120624,3.9722758514851515,2.7117011701170135,91.97486048604864,82.56435643564356,5.2568856885688575,26.013501350135016,6.574015621080383,1.0195069306930695,395,17,80,4,11,126,73,101,0.056,0.807,0.13699999999999998,0.755,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,3,0,19,25,8,0,5,6,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,6,5,9,18,1,7,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,5,3,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253902253857749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579022315115356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983780816179372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034868294777504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426151036454857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22571159651573397,0.0,0.10783763198177737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23161922648727015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450947785671025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229548854019695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35178680156795994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870239921787968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321872300497906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906400325059595,0.0,0.0,0.2603847957084981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393724989987604,0.0,0.2241622446030519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214301948805871
suicidewatch,A__Bubble,2018/04/11,"I don't know anymore I keep thinking about ending it. I'm always on edge and terrified and im just so sick of it. 

I'm 19 years old and in my first year of college for a degree that I don't know what to do with if I get it. 
I'm terrified of going to my shitty part time job where I do everything wrong. 
I'm really lonely and I can't tell anyone in my life about how I feel.
I've never seen a doctor about my mental condition mainly because im too anxious and don't know where I would start to find a professional. 
I feel like a fucking loser and a waste of a life. I can't deal with it anymore. ",1.5792537313432824,2.3512711044776107,4.253910447761196,88.43101492537315,76.76119402985073,7.151044776119402,22.35522388059701,7.554174236665415,0.7334650746268649,464,12,109,6,10,166,73,134,0.236,0.7440000000000001,0.019,-0.9817,1,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,6,0,8,5,0,1,1,21,24,9,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,3,14,1,16,22,2,14,0,2,1,1,2,5,1,1,9,67,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138541797384546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809823131561307,0.3302476151960663,0.1164210573221867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014971911258285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716547581461373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042037025297016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747006913187394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963996016260836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837536379396206,0.11894802765102812,0.0,0.0,0.1521784881594712,0.1416252845146508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392707741364642,0.08698966638789449,0.0,0.09462610073525092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596983356986916,0.0,0.16522610645037472,0.14799334089796146,0.0,0.0,0.2745130471188727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352085278347488,0.08134375946260844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677933951159731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841549017238002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471432096616962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803038725069572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666451713184756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178499477127704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455288212983044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066868307543293,0.0,0.0,0.09708781086079536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827721504024058,0.18204221596925732,0.0,0.21444179316695972
suicidewatch,Bolvar_Cthulu,2018/04/11,"I wanna talk about suicide so bad with people There is nothing else going on in my mind right now. I'm trying to write an essay right now, but I keep wanting to write a suicide note instead. I can't focus.",1.5801162790697667,3.4621469534883715,3.4211046511627927,89.68188953488372,79.46511627906978,4.3,22.377906976744185,3.1291,-0.0029488372093027237,161,5,32,0,4,54,35,43,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.9144,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246249618749425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257265469056856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142142288700453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23682009596135364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690238818627628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556520281807817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847128139823771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550688870652634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828743402242914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141507458545545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808922011518908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157150548788888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CatJongUn,2018/04/11,"Going to get really drunk tonight and end it My life is filled with endless hoops I have to jump through. Im on probation and because I have mental health problems (Depression, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, Cluster B Personality Disorder) I have to see another probation officer every other week, on top of therapy I have to go to every day which I can never make it to because of doctors appointments, meetings with my PO's, job interviews and whatnot. Im constantly reminded by these PO's aka shittiest people in the world to make my appointments even though all of this conflicts with each other and im threatened that if I dont make it work and do what I'm told I'll be sent to jail. Like, hooray, that'll make someone with anxiety feel better, right? Im sick of being made out to be a bad person and its coming to the point where I'm starting to believe everyone. I dont have anything serious or violent on my record, just misdemeanors but this is all becoming too much. I feel like all I am doing is living for probation. My family doesn't help, they make me seem as if I'm a burden for having to go to take me to doctors appointments or something. Theyre just all negative people that choose to see the worst in everything and its coming to the point where it's starting to wear off on me. I really can't take this anymore and refuse to live like this, I just don't see a way out and have little to no direction. Im just gonna make tonight the night I end it. Im sorry for sounding scatter brain...my life is just a mess and needs to end.",5.7611396927474114,5.646933733118974,6.85637191854234,76.67940603787068,66.9742765273312,10.769632011432657,33.35494819578421,10.504223727775694,3.4316257949267595,1225,50,241,30,18,414,158,311,0.153,0.799,0.048,-0.984,1,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,3,10,12,1,0,9,0,24,8,1,7,5,50,54,17,0,4,10,0,2,3,0,2,6,1,0,2,19,19,1,2,4,1,0,8,8,8,0,0,3,6,21,4,43,46,7,38,0,1,3,0,9,17,0,5,15,150,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542725268776596,0.12464698215770288,0.0,0.08079526467315314,0.0,0.0,0.06704196909051292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802313462011307,0.09932537942142998,0.08997600740358097,0.0,0.09178756020822806,0.0,0.07205262798846797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094624390957254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035649974303027,0.0,0.0880389464099311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052540705440938855,0.0,0.07016905046254335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337042587778634,0.1667737574681446,0.0,0.0,0.1909619051663589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216471811791358,0.0,0.0,0.05380944490675235,0.0,0.13728213621680227,0.07784703217918243,0.07321900071762906,0.0,0.07680163523633697,0.0,0.0823862547748908,0.05820140363895551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425641415485561,0.0,0.13890197237646754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659763878058628,0.0,0.0,0.05460689125879623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280023999812606,0.0,0.08084531961659785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508779706711167,0.11940477883037327,0.0816532477442562,0.14387707541529438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708784990392807,0.3262867693542457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210149684656065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988902078327634,0.0604081624592052,0.06283384369301404,0.0,0.0,0.07645305062697197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296056483150685,0.14227101486897847,0.0,0.0,0.1540289009147982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795474165052327,0.09523279291863193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438213626808772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957400167841324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476051386108315,0.07416623342937073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902834076158844,0.06271874503469207,0.0,0.0911977717420717,0.1153282237816318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250895868761935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316679556013806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004278776218059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784703217918243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466622653321917,0.06534944329113271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059310334789706314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oceanbreeze1281,2018/04/11,"Boyfriend tried to take his own life when he was younger My bf and I have been together for about two years, and when we fight, he gets so angry and abrasive. I always knew there was something else internal going on, and it had nothing to do with me. His dad took his own life when my bf was little, and I thought it had something to do with that. He has never been physically harmful to me at all. The other night, he finally told me everything. He said that after his dad died, he tried to take his own life. As he got older, he developed an abrasive side to him and jumped from relationship to relationship in order to not feel lonely, and that I'm the only one who he has ever loved and saw a future with. When he told me about his suicide attempt, I sobbed. I wish I had known earlier, but I understand. I feel awful for him, and I just want to make him feel better. I don't know what to do. I know I can't leave him (not saying I'm staying with him only because I feel bad for him), I love him to death and want nothing but the absolute best for him. I am so sad for him, but also scared. He said he wants to talk to a pastor and get more involved with his faith, which is great. Does anyone have any advice as for what I can do? Not to sound insensitive AT ALL, but in a way, I'm relieved to know that none of our fights and his anger is about me--it's all internal and things he needs to work through. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. ",3.654,4.178154400000004,4.773999999999997,87.55200000000002,71.66666666666666,7.866666666666667,25.333333333333336,7.908726449838941,1.1403333333333334,1120,31,251,14,20,369,149,300,0.118,0.73,0.152,0.8575,0,2,2,0,2,1,38.0,2,0,0,4,13,17,3,1,7,1,24,5,0,1,5,50,58,26,3,6,8,2,4,0,2,1,3,4,0,0,12,19,0,0,11,0,0,3,7,9,0,2,17,9,41,8,41,39,9,25,2,3,1,2,50,7,1,0,12,167,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935134353059865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975504898882626,0.09338930177115363,0.0,0.0,0.15264859001972336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847798613872516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937123304890603,0.06841799363021536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778470554175785,0.0992635773751028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648319674864613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821843654378787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375873476044627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015238427703864,0.0,0.0,0.1008704352077945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269994753501895,0.0,0.0,0.12294899761832424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727730343676428,0.0,0.06378627709342599,0.0,0.08976534248775231,0.12374053154878305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504582935606567,0.0,0.0,0.11884166588656304,0.0,0.0,0.2378267129464685,0.0,0.11248990774753767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202594654448438,0.0,0.07491836842150817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322153508844686,0.08656328407889388,0.0,0.0,0.1053258363829242,0.0,0.2153868428670699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605398468338367,0.17072099565664292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409988152053126,0.0,0.0,0.21352418121760627,0.08925453258292979,0.11236776607485896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280943594776094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962858966292195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276791311074572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877493353577738,0.09021100551297748,0.0,0.10333178375705697,0.0,0.0,0.0745645782978516,0.0,0.0,0.08910280774393492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144925207551668,0.12469827059569223,0.15240168592689304,0.0,0.1096382150238535,0.11684158258457153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859901444551012,0.08908767327769762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906580395223574,0.0,0.0,0.08170910861826629,0.0,0.0,0.07972919896069426,0.0,0.0,0.07227627226038295
suicidewatch,Nightthinker55,2018/04/11,İ want to commit suicide but... İ want to commit suicide but i fear ended in a silent hill like place...,1.3142857142857132,3.2208063809523857,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,80.42857142857143,4.2,20.02380952380953,3.1291,-0.3755904761904767,78,2,16,0,2,26,15,21,0.35600000000000004,0.327,0.318,-0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,4,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28647960360019864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36396978789786105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802072992424754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33793511980181057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7076009082523605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815569270473773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TOV-LOV,2018/04/11,"Can't find work and want to die Graduated with a Physics B.Sc. last year and left my masters program a few months ago as I was not enjoying the research and wasn't doing the work needed to get it done because of my disinterest. Been looking for work since. I've applied to 60 places so far, each with a tailored resume and most with a cover letter. I've have had 5 interviews, and none of them have given me offers. 1 place gave me a verbal offer so I rejected offers to local part time jobs as I was expecting to get the job, but then they sent me an email saying they were pursuing another applicant. They can go fuck themselves. Another company had me go through 3 rounds of interviews where the last round they had me meeting with the team and team leader I'd be working with and the HR manager and I thought it went really well, only for them to send me an email saying they as well were pursuing another applicant. I'm fairly close to just giving up at this point. I don't think I'm meant to work and be self sufficient. God is just up there laughing at my misfortune. Well fuck you God. I tried praying, fasting, reading the bible, repenting for my sins, in desperation so that He'd guide me to a job and it lead fucking no where. I'm just an inside joke up there in heaven and God and all His angels are just laughing at my inability to find work and complete lack of understanding what's wrong with me and what I need to do to just fucking support myself. Am I in hell? Is this world designed specifically to make me struggle in such a way that I think I have control and can succeed only for everything to backfire? Why the fuck can't I find work. I feel entitled to it after all these years of working hard for a degree that I was originally interested in. I have programming experience, personal side projects on a github page, a lot of internships. What the fuck is wrong with me? I just want to end it. I'm so close to being done. If I can't support myself and I have to leech off my parents and eventually society, then isn't the world better off without me? What the fuck do I need to do, prove to the world, to show that I am a hard worker and can provide value to a company? Why can everyone else find work so easily, all my friends, siblings, peers, colleagues, but I'm struggling so damn fucking hard to get anything? Why won't anyone hire me? Do I need to suck a CEOs dick? Because I'd gladly swallow anyone's cum if they'd give me a job. Do I need to cut off my limbs? If it meant I'd get a full time job with benefits and the ability to support myself and a family, I'd gladly remove every non-vital organ from me. I fantasize about going down to the lake late at night and just swimming as far as I can until I can no longer swim. Or taking my car down the wrong way on the highway and closing my eyes. Or covering myself in black clothing and laying on the train tracks late at night. Anything to escape this waking nightmare.",4.420037815126051,5.195905623529415,5.620661764705884,81.25922794117648,70.07563025210084,8.773529411764706,29.496848739495807,8.982922981607832,2.3188899159663863,2326,87,465,42,40,777,267,595,0.153,0.711,0.135,-0.9491,6,1,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,1,8,17,22,37,12,2,36,0,46,12,3,4,4,81,93,44,1,12,16,1,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,18,35,1,1,12,7,0,11,12,19,3,0,19,11,63,18,80,68,12,71,5,1,5,9,33,39,12,7,19,308,81,30,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248726702352968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862647110427857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280387037207157,0.0,0.09745175071960847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218934830538455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052367605223117605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062081947741125965,0.0,0.0664105358513654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145200710839804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118748645732486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946346422313756,0.0,0.052443659115562015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049888095093064334,0.0565789585024328,0.05321532095991896,0.057920037632276176,0.05581916755611025,0.0,0.029939025031489368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647231345962492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045746522830599164,0.4379193269010935,0.1237418938630487,0.1136017967076318,0.10095348160357784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591251507859339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937905181263036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965302654435522,0.13358590737323825,0.0,0.06433327788449528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497226002637335,0.0,0.0,0.05033935111519218,0.0,0.0,0.039524019234487694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726191472216789,0.0,0.0,0.21952223619268396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111316348926809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006576168477924,0.0,0.0,0.06574716924709542,0.0641200948954248,0.0,0.0,0.05170104512040419,0.1237264643160828,0.0,0.05597384093573821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922734844571044,0.0,0.0379322910005986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417444444933122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061770325506267765,0.0,0.0,0.04898021992969651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380106613627248,0.0,0.0,0.2015769298410815,0.0,0.0,0.04451954747490456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588045244891524,0.0,0.04700717809688852,0.06905319956833479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020060295529334,0.0,0.0,0.061641077545607624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984874721894561,0.0939983874815034,0.0,0.0,0.15971427656239684,0.054889491506648166,0.16028703329493607,0.0,0.0,0.05707760435845567,0.0,0.3879589483639439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942148662803424,0.0,0.07626030398698153
suicidewatch,murhalee,2018/04/11,"How to convince my friend to not kill himself??! My friend has made up his mind on killing himself despite the past two months of conversation we have had.He was showing some progress and was willing to meet/listen/get help but now is convinced that he wants to kill himself. No one else knows about this because he has confided in me alone. I cant approach any mutual friends , as if he finds out, he will stop contacting me too, and based on our last communication, he is certainly prepared to kill himself in next 24 hours His parents are not very understanding and I am scared that contacting them can lead to something worse as he is already on the edge I feel helpless What do i do?? (location, india)",4.9535820895522376,6.563701671641791,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,69.59701492537313,8.046567164179105,33.549253731343285,8.548686976883017,2.6673456716417907,560,27,107,9,10,174,96,134,0.13699999999999998,0.644,0.219,0.9124,1,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,1,2,4,12,4,1,2,0,16,0,0,3,1,21,21,8,4,2,4,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,6,0,2,3,1,17,6,17,16,1,16,0,1,0,0,23,7,0,2,7,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402709390565975,0.1641141143614602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113340338666513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065716948734112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423488408673004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519633658648864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359256432653116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34469769053732874,0.0,0.07769906577609477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996826032754605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645736518537736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.658138144455188,0.0,0.08173157491057928,0.1212250953970919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072065598668734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016287974031492,0.0,0.11870536343224612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581633796790789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077522905588683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513384330697012,0.0,0.14196824811327532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889275574230726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144904541369746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433498537789026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527596783132604,0.15482078022908727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270800221195917,0.08771778473908287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155644268751858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeeUrPantsNews,2018/04/11,"Every time I read r/SW I realize I don't have anything positive to say This is very depressing, I struggle with a lot of the feelings people write about on here and I have actually been helped by reading posts many times....it's just lately I read all the posts on why should I live, or how life is pointless, etc.. and all I can do is agree.",5.024577464788735,4.478229732394368,5.957852112676058,83.96241197183102,68.5774647887324,9.353521126760565,30.426056338028175,8.841846274778883,2.1097014084507046,265,9,59,4,4,88,54,71,0.129,0.8320000000000001,0.039,-0.7091,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,1,2,13,11,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,7,9,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,39,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.19121018463415354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124277596349906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876372571975085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185260479078917,0.0,0.0,0.16508877225780072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907367430694476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133514502561386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103002127112864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383989471846445,0.0,0.0,0.17301952308523905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658206043663484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865345460980693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135840841900439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37531469549271257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5879821761532832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558201749655699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484011240073804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425479281122275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616718738953555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680630676946835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway122,2018/04/11,"It’s too late for me, I’m committed. Writing to you in the comfort of my own room with a gun on my nightstand after I’ve written my suicide note.

 I’ve been seeking help for more than 7 years and nothing has worked for me, talked to all my friends, family, therapists, and hotlines. 

None of them understand what am going through since I don’t even understand it myself.

Guess growing up in the shitty part of the world and cursed with being gay and plagued by a destructive family really isn’t helping, but none of which is the reason for my decision to take my own life. 

It’s an unforgiving world out there that don’t give a fuck about a teenager REALLY seeking help and just think it’s a phase (my community at least)

The point of this post is that there is really no point, and just wanted to get this off my chest so at least I die feeling I’ve said it all. 

Going out on my own terms, with my own hands. So FUCK YOU world for not listening to me when I most needed you and fuck you god for not answering my prayers to make me normal and creating a fucking mistake within me, FUCK. YOU. 

Goodbye world, I won’t miss you. ",4.410921052631579,5.024192635964916,5.29501754385965,84.17278947368423,70.00877192982456,8.887017543859649,28.796491228070174,9.029198982220553,2.1345101754385962,883,31,185,16,15,289,125,228,0.182,0.7340000000000001,0.084,-0.9858,0,0,0,1,0,2,22.0,0,6,1,1,10,10,6,0,12,0,11,9,2,2,3,36,34,12,2,4,5,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,11,13,0,0,7,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,3,4,28,2,36,29,14,27,0,1,0,6,16,18,5,2,5,132,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236711840902973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423943450543778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404680565879641,0.0,0.06448841393257734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853763431417324,0.5895466450679807,0.06663475567297357,0.12234866836613577,0.14496864661288295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050046848908246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25646354358677004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387147345619106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008577360545757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513441269353167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456981862374672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496281399276075,0.12237874873512128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811415758072168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411343869657441,0.0,0.12214874237391984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24511752946711346,0.13113308928874273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213204194567682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550299129690163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950883342106102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589473947909156,0.10251238961359216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808459172400826,0.0,0.08172293556269936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655487491546744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522681380889383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285115413606668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213203410872717
suicidewatch,fxckdxp,2018/04/11,"I jist wanted to enjoy naptime Xpost    
I'm on my throwaway. I just got a knock at the door and it's my complex handing me what I'm guessing is an eviction notice. Or intend to file or something. What the fuck ever it is, it says I haven't paid my rent this month. My mind goes ""uh, naw"" to ""I did right"" but no, I fucking did.    

So I tell the lady no, I paid it on the second, I remember spending all weekend for the stupid balance to show up so I could pay it. I happen to still have the tab open when I checked to make sure it went through before the 4th when it becomes late because a couple months ago they tried pulling the shit saying I had a late fee balance (but not the rent because I paid it on the right day they just waited to process it). So I show her the tab where it has the date I checked 4/6 and shows my balance to be negative $3 and change, cuz I always make the payment a multiple of ten just cuz.    

They say they'll call me.    

So now I've checked and it didn't come out of my acct, no fucking clue why. But having thought I must've got my tax return I went and got new tires which I fucking NEEDED, driving on a donut and one with a fix a flat can. Just literally old fucking tires. I drive for work so I definitely needed a safe ride.     

So now I decide to check on my tax return and it fucking says it's been taken to pay off a govt balance. I know exactly what the fuck it is. My goddamn military star card because I just got out of the army reserves two fucking weeks ago. So now what I was *going* to use to pay my late car payments and suddenly needed to pay rent to not be evicted is actually NEVER coming to me.     

And here's where I want to give up. I just went through all this same shit not 8 fucking months ago. And then I got moved (not evicted, just they let me leave basically) to here, and working non-stop to catch up and my ex fucking sues me for custody etc. (Which btw he claimed her for last year despite her mostly being with me because I worked way too few hours last year).      

I just can't help feeling like my daughter would be so much better off without me. Because I can't fucking do this shit anymore. Right when I get a handle, fucking 15 things come trying to fuck me in the ass. I don't really see any point for me being here. It's usually her that makes me want to stick around but if I'm fucking homeless I won't be able to have her. And if I ever we're to get myself back together he'd just use that in court to take custody. (He's trying to say I'm unfit because I had PTSD) I just wanted to take a nap while she is but instead I'm bawling and just considering my options here and I don't really have any good ones.",1.8645767398986024,3.194740487632512,3.5313104931633137,91.66022123214016,76.98586572438163,5.981809801812878,25.025195882624054,6.391308007922933,0.6585060377938241,2060,72,465,15,46,687,253,566,0.102,0.8240000000000001,0.075,-0.8815,7,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,5,4,38,24,18,0,28,0,36,21,5,8,7,86,95,39,0,11,25,2,2,1,0,3,2,5,4,0,27,24,0,2,6,5,18,14,17,18,1,5,20,8,74,6,54,63,7,75,0,0,1,15,25,23,18,7,38,303,101,9,0.05279378915600634,0.0,0.05151912262062037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039552607551584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043928661800068665,0.0,0.0,0.0718031740045092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052357252728429934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699766528212927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040595165094845315,0.0,0.19309562313159945,0.05830659232545,0.0449236261254558,0.0,0.0,0.04669181626671854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539083614277703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584882872042669,0.13643152402900946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042151544771349435,0.0584153235472028,0.0,0.034047626484418225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887903031685743,0.0,0.09551000958615599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02669412607315266,0.03771589352174878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6832981031372021,0.05516515170144426,0.05064461318063377,0.03000392701070693,0.044280925559697086,0.21112007996240392,0.0,0.058158310779759075,0.0,0.04668537339649022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035386564025957135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051991247819680286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029014085843276888,0.08606796891063911,0.17866108111071244,0.055900999894830834,0.0,0.053985226300666336,0.0,0.02579237866432977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572079263637656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330667723001646,0.0,0.12641849646658765,0.056111442865341817,0.03880950956090011,0.11743777713451585,0.040717824830976065,0.0509885705457939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010607886899171,0.05539820084799647,0.0,0.07154887569222465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049907195213125435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171311433963095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764210639113928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980507157962496,0.1352568224365987,0.0,0.2099187006219705,0.0,0.0,0.04206981472241297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162576197704514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064323816346722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216118821650425,0.04413797168381417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975752149070515,0.0,0.07938871835437908,0.0,0.04614409870280025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507384764839108,0.0,0.0,0.04191237146639505,0.0,0.12135738870941573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075305520847787,0.0,0.051571860767822206,0.0,0.0,0.0911937663431767,0.058144900104989475,0.0,0.12455657873649535,0.04190525248342533,0.04234799318867689,0.0,0.0,0.14682111439787435,0.047638183164686126,0.0,0.0,0.0508913287956307,0.0,0.11530352182970033,0.0,0.0,0.0375031930886173,0.0,0.0,0.06799493860819827
suicidewatch,EmotionalProblem,2018/04/11,I need to die I need to die right now please help I can’t fucking live this is urgent please how long does Panadol or ibuprofen ove dose take to kill me,-0.8599999999999994,1.275728454545458,-0.143272727272727,107.84509090909091,97.78787878787878,2.64,15.690909090909093,3.1291,-1.5651163636363634,121,3,30,0,5,36,26,33,0.287,0.505,0.209,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,4,6,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964850784016022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093176935775164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211282649468108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032471416776484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646294499379729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121007311998655,0.2116765461196952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35471425515774635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251198749039999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042678437733334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984189661610908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qluw,2018/04/11,"Don't get in a long-distance relationships if you're depressed and suicidal. Because going from a few weeks of spending every single hour with your loved one, then suddenly having to go back to instant messages and video chats, it fucks you up real good. I'm suicidal as fuck, but the guilt of hurting him is stopping me from doing anything stupid ... so what will I do? Eat. As if I wasn't fat enough already. 

Someone put me to sleep for a few weeks until I get over it. 

",3.951566820276497,5.365152021505376,4.817235023041476,84.18870967741938,71.79569892473118,7.034715821812598,29.414746543778804,7.447530270364453,1.774113364055299,370,15,71,4,7,120,72,93,0.244,0.713,0.044,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,2,8,3,1,4,0,7,6,2,0,0,8,15,10,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,2,1,3,2,6,0,1,1,0,8,2,15,13,4,14,0,2,0,3,7,3,2,2,8,50,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003439122779461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939941490287922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139600027798335,0.0,0.11067062745825586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636794720693933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857700214849572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875887195266098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529629208810781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356783779181597,0.1897037909078205,0.0,0.20635703956212045,0.15227474564094445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878926280851842,0.0,0.194352033380542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066521315551666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385512303005678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302234776281845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250695865535813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066425868084613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491575739287173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168018168689198,0.0,0.15382593711671336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178315101383774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397170430022857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912554247546913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xAcedia91,2018/04/11,"Suicide is becoming a casual thought I think I'm in slight denial about how often the thought comes to mind. The tl;dr is I'm trans (mtf) and job hunting with little luck. A better job would speed up moving out of my parent's house. They're super bigoted and controlling, so hiding hormones is difficult and even dressing more androgynously at home is risky. I worry about physical harm and more verbal abuse than usual if they find out. I just keep thinking as time goes on, life is slowly coming to it's natural end if I can't get out. The last few days I've thought about letting go pretty often, though I'm trying to stay positive. I'm still applying anywhere and saving every cent at my part time job. Positive vibes appreciated.",5.295106382978722,6.662738120567379,6.228148936170211,75.52350000000001,68.50354609929077,9.044255319148935,28.993617021276588,9.3871,2.6723072340425533,589,21,103,12,10,195,100,141,0.141,0.688,0.17,0.5696,4,0,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,1,3,11,7,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,2,0,29,22,11,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,11,0,2,6,1,1,4,1,2,0,0,3,0,7,5,18,17,4,22,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,5,8,58,8,3,0.0,0.17097441718842388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937035564580448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762349963174702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486070000963028,0.0,0.0,0.1618470992068459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306293037037584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780884826231773,0.0,0.0,0.09531019012020686,0.0,0.12158076082745138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188952454189176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539190248712649,0.0,0.08201022093311329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474679325963025,0.0,0.0,0.1665052735144212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295927673853355,0.12826235562245886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762548854200025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755869571545965,0.1019248557385298,0.0,0.14462863499007825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570400652167187,0.0,0.0,0.1533703179793872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023042861029949,0.1562651351423906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680713482993807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380686121253673,0.1152398604090798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784309943285862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849259452272201,0.14177610143693334,0.34367929663638913,0.1682874546608048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797166806848782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892839967389447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654580869073966,0.0,0.1025080866846918,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,refiloe77,2018/04/11,"I'm exhausted and alone I've been searching ways to kill myself and I ended up here. I don't know, but I thought writing on this platform would actually expose to people who understand. 

I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for 9 years now and possibly BDP.  I can't afford to see a psychiatrist or a therapist. i go through things alone and no one is ever there for me. 

I  really wanna die ",3.2317179023508125,5.320227759493669,5.391175406871611,76.51164556962027,75.20253164556964,9.577576853526224,29.00723327305606,9.957137785484203,3.3176676311030757,319,14,59,10,7,111,59,79,0.355,0.645,0.0,-0.9823,1,2,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,12,7,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,1,8,0,10,8,0,9,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.22151178600287186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701912270279015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364852365620767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550817530042544,0.0,0.2355822180468096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104784397264172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532757283518807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900498147422584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113339952773744,0.0,0.12474905719400844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538158884982512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736791196071734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558997642885095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541710954623696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808835112467875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635556095517317,0.15080362862154234,0.0,0.0,0.18020656771474305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363070378706169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017595891257532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124885012201598,0.0,0.0,0.1461756288162139
suicidewatch,throwaway24721254,2018/04/11,"I have no options. I'm trying to find a place to stay to leave my abusive home, and I have 0 options.

I've tried contacting huckhouse and Lys for their transitional living programs that try and get you work aswell.

I've tried Cps multiple times

I've tried finding a person who will let me stay with them

I've tried contacting countless different churches and religious groups

I've tried asking everyone I know and trust

I need a resource that will help me get a place to stay, or a person, or a church, I'm 17 nearing 18.
I have severe trauma issues and cant drive because of vision problems and it makes working very hard, SSI/welfare isnt an option due to my dads income and how long it would take to get on it according to a disability lawyer

Any comments saying ""XDDD why not just work lol"" will be ignored, if you aren't here to help then leave.

I desperately want to get into a safe place so I can be there for my girlfriend, I'd just kill myself if I didn't have someone I love relying on me, but I do.

I'm also trans (mtf), which makes shelters dangerous for me.",5.99586021505376,5.513419211981571,6.633928571428572,79.70898809523813,66.55760368663593,9.44531490015361,32.36904761904762,8.841846274778883,2.5096854070660526,847,31,170,12,12,279,130,217,0.13699999999999998,0.812,0.052000000000000005,-0.9208,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,2,3,7,8,2,0,9,1,17,1,0,3,0,33,32,17,1,6,8,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,7,10,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,2,22,3,18,24,0,15,2,0,0,1,18,7,0,7,4,96,29,5,0.0,0.12689940292215374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565013694801178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283363324629158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012673790494303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528892346619593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118997171896234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023413946289048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578018970648664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22382734371863333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959431461389603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357760986728088,0.0,0.1074329244199182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178758379052482,0.0,0.0,0.11849347157678178,0.0,0.05886094358873165,0.0,0.0,0.2268129776093412,0.0,0.10951995444808227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457380802416084,0.09478268124346906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966645336052574,0.0,0.14298401232052382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941543074904465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703621280574076,0.3356991515688702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248299460006867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851725114640672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099577231912916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907479253184605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424722687902161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052803899940225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062452552454704525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090107906163529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837109530785739,0.06317205541315646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664369324170874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23391652353481698,0.0,0.0,0.076082815247406,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fdwcDUSTwwb,2018/04/11,"I turned 22 today The first thing I thought when I woke up today was that this is another day I am still alive. After all this I still couldn't kill myself. I really am a coward. I know wishes don't come true. But if they do, I wish I don't live until my next birthday. I hope it's not some sort of an untreatable disease which will kill me everyday for the rest of my days and drain my family out of money. I really don't want to kill myself as it will hurt my mother a lot. But I wouldn't mind If I die in an accident or something. It's funny so many people die everyday. People who don't want to leave. Yet their lives are taken away. And here are people like me who wish to die every single day. Yet we don't die. Life's unfair.",0.3940330188679225,2.263590584905664,2.831536949685536,92.46164504716984,83.40251572327044,5.987578616352201,15.597877358490566,7.1686216300943375,-0.17929905660377354,569,9,130,8,16,196,97,159,0.08800000000000001,0.649,0.263,0.9823,0,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,1,0,2,1,7,7,3,0,6,0,16,1,0,0,2,27,28,11,7,10,6,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,8,4,0,1,4,0,24,3,14,20,5,21,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,7,17,91,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980467247093017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734484877950462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841920436291912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105201122702448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743080453459658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626343378779287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770795577789784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718390041120904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347942546893318,0.0,0.0,0.1223106488100873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792134424617976,0.0,0.0627906914696395,0.0,0.0,0.12097787454689088,0.0,0.0,0.08070056919318902,0.05581844969123218,0.0,0.2017757255896536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713417166877254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583503476956696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536338388539033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150980800369975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762680607147826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638733254271166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795786438471226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824858570830592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590489523741388,0.0,0.0,0.09070445299303304,0.0,0.0,0.2165977651049276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427491191364247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477925425952048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941573821524311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mmimz,2018/04/11,"I really want to kill myself I'm sick and tired of everything. Or better said I'm tired of myself. I hate myself so much. It's not like I had a tough childhood or a terrible family, yet I'm still constantly unhappy. I just want to be gone, there is no reason to stay on this planet. No one is going to love me anyway. No guy will be ever interested in me. So if I don't love myself and no one else will, why should I stay alive?",0.449569892473118,2.1998982580645148,3.5389247311827963,88.09505376344086,82.54838709677419,7.1440860215053785,16.78494623655914,8.167268648758528,0.5088623655913986,330,6,75,7,9,119,60,93,0.299,0.518,0.183,-0.9248,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,2,0,9,5,0,1,1,12,20,7,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,3,1,12,5,8,12,1,11,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,6,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260606511070486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986834769510744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358844938202235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630866048105006,0.0,0.0,0.16523829776114576,0.0,0.17332347269619625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448984210017596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820467645247448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815201536890965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340989133025386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982296127643677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318751997808435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351556256138278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24917174078105864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778313241482112,0.1890350239728504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488956086368368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39193296784626863,0.14682797681537654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226318234746883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688656355000047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590182461919115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PreconceivedNotion07,2018/04/11,"I think a redditor suicided? I began talking to this guy back in January, you won't find anything in my post history because I PM'd him. He was dealing with legal battles and jail time so I PM'd him because I went through a similar situation- to tell him it will get better.

We have been emailing since end of January, every day. Every day. I have also talked to him on the phone, maybe 8 times or so.

He was really nervous about his court date, April 2nd. Two days prior, and he didn't even tell me till after the fact, that he tried to hang himself and it failed. I was so mad at him but I didn't let it show. He went to the hospital the day of his court date and got it prolonged. He is now due in court April 30th.

Before anyone speculates it is for a DUI charge (no accident/no injury).

I am pissed at him and his lawyer. His lawyer was saying he was looking at 4-6 years and that's not true.

Today marks 1 week, 7 days that he has not spoken to me. You have to understand, we email eachother EVERY day. Talk on the phone once a week. Phone calls go to voicemail, emails unreturned now.

I have sadly been looking at obituaries, I know his full name and address. Damn, I should have asked for contact info for his Mom and brothers.

If he suicided I will be pissed, we talked about how he can change his life around.

I think he killed himself...this is the longest we have gone with ought an exchange. ",1.918443920952754,3.981603519434632,3.174809579897922,90.96944117262142,79.17667844522968,6.312733935348778,22.848972647559233,7.3871296695380915,0.8380337390393926,1088,35,231,15,27,352,158,283,0.128,0.861,0.011,-0.988,0,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,4,2,0,2,12,11,6,1,11,0,28,3,2,1,2,32,42,17,3,3,5,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,9,15,0,0,6,1,1,5,6,9,0,1,14,3,37,2,30,21,1,42,0,2,2,0,52,11,3,2,25,140,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927933731916289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780620441472889,0.0,0.09187110255501396,0.09938423713803313,0.10436934635036016,0.0,0.0,0.08584510507541797,0.0,0.13611074141963353,0.0,0.0949983426868298,0.0,0.0,0.09873746945513777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399803253412995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810146746891363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319955935089326,0.11509705904330712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888086667275313,0.0,0.0,0.07373788536524617,0.0,0.28218729371561657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203793140356952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832786038987167,0.0,0.06344820278206885,0.0,0.0892895762614081,0.0,0.0,0.11054222878729084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351432228816435,0.0,0.061355022009740974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416057585856162,0.07885540170298687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875007919057229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215847795096398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075269235239664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188941145902318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069213013543636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152013937008575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878147370548063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235066122671223,0.12548925990040966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24423445923244835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589315088935724,0.19515846246701612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307020196923886,0.0,0.0,0.13019763180135135,0.0,0.1058226970768366,0.0,0.0,0.07579697008226285,0.0,0.109057120378867,0.11622230929617595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910349257215674,0.0,0.0,0.2069848131475457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189320003724471
suicidewatch,gengar-ears,2018/04/11,"I need to get this off my chest This is my first and most likely last time posting something like this, so I’m sorry if this is worded badly. I’ll try to keep this post short. 

I’m a 16 year old trans male. I have depression, anxiety, and god knows what else. Lately I’ve been contemplating suicide. The only reason I’m still alive is because of my best friend and the person I love. He’s suicidal and is close to going through with his plan. If he dies, I plan on killing myself too. I can’t afford to be alone again. I’ll blame myself for not being able to save him. Failure is all I’m afraid of at this point, not death itself. I’m ready to die and I can’t help but finally feel at peace with myself.",0.8593512304250552,2.8458345771812112,2.539033557046981,94.55132438478748,82.42281879194631,5.315615212527964,17.987024608501123,6.42735559955562,-0.2415963310961975,548,12,124,5,15,180,99,149,0.147,0.6940000000000001,0.159,0.4374,1,1,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,4,4,10,1,1,3,0,11,2,1,1,1,22,23,9,6,3,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,14,6,16,20,3,19,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,3,11,70,22,0,0.16326380645718086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909206570183086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489636506705387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631845885799446,0.0995241010564325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133529230040292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061887726877076,0.0,0.33888411014347003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638596074090306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825510860732555,0.0,0.0,0.17884751970202814,0.0,0.13887211036912386,0.0,0.0,0.1261372118754354,0.0,0.08529860040876565,0.0,0.09278658362551212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943228801490973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451163726979203,0.18062721229951167,0.0,0.0897255183114635,0.1330817927925768,0.1841686849545604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952489812314888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735195957218758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210580437798196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131790094847427,0.0,0.0,0.1241694817595678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255565841983042,0.0,0.0,0.1543370686278815,0.0,0.31272319260299003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786238458654956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568845455864566,0.0,0.1827604647241072,0.0,0.0,0.13038268673316095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571682109521901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520043847793457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084540766670717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513653854426744
suicidewatch,requiemhypershade,2018/04/11,"My ex threatened to commit suicide in April He always talked about how his thoughts on suicide were ""different"" from other people's... That he didn't think dying was that big of a deal. He told me several times and seemed extremely serious about killing himself this April. I eventually coaxed him into going to therapy last year, but after a month of sessions he said the therapist had judged him to not be a risk and managing well. Now I'm pretty sure he was either lying to me or to his therapist. After therapy he still talked about committing suicide and had picked a date- the 15th, IIRC. There is a no-contact order between us imposed by the school as there were a lot of issues between us at the end of our relationship ( he was also my boss on a huge project), so I can't contact him or his friends or family. There are professors that I think I could tell. Maybe the Dean of Students as well who worked on the sexual harrassment case between us. He really did screw me over last year and fucked me up emotionally but I don't want him to do this to himself. I know it sounds like he was a manipulative person in general and people often use suicide in their manipulation, but I have a terrible feeling he actually meant this.
I don't know where to turn.",6.045218579234973,6.526251336065574,6.809737704918032,75.2128579234973,66.37704918032786,10.277158469945356,32.66010928961748,10.203070172399654,3.2888850273224044,1002,40,187,23,15,332,142,244,0.172,0.718,0.11,-0.9621,1,0,0,0,0,5,24.0,4,0,1,1,15,11,3,1,15,0,19,2,0,6,3,36,35,16,6,2,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,9,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,14,3,28,5,35,19,2,29,0,0,0,2,36,13,2,6,15,132,37,9,0.0,0.0,0.10395874817389048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519268703713832,0.08864220618270985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505622000385729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982863475921947,0.0,0.0,0.11056220945217478,0.1113020705602172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983287431413735,0.09435471836331326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042781001275553,0.0,0.05386520167659535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230547506745625,0.09848605973639828,0.0,0.0,0.06054394045688648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119053605582273,0.0,0.0,0.1178606082803134,0.0,0.11709314484597265,0.17367373221216606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052045595149508316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056872417310917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702456355024212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503191287805874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771016409901624,0.09301863435339758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838017906376654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824639421803183,0.0,0.0,0.1143742712605689,0.0,0.0,0.10133523935571204,0.0,0.0,0.10781491366078663,0.0,0.09698169026331488,0.0,0.12034954445265128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850756791956172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661098631297453,0.0,0.10040407101845307,0.0,0.0,0.17125093343616596,0.09311266366239593,0.0,0.24365463613420416,0.2473810693111333,0.0,0.13652134196665228,0.0,0.0845736000345157,0.0621189988192729,0.0,0.0,0.10179479816660053,0.0,0.0,0.11587498019878212,0.0,0.0,0.3844305088299162,0.09200845538569423,0.0,0.0,0.06283465897518016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191568066731554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755573192841875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372047569971546
suicidewatch,Fluteflairy,2018/04/11,"I don’t know how to help My closest friend in the whole world is suicidal again. Two years ago she made an attempt and was hospitalized. Five months ago she had a round of suicidal ideation. Now she’s planning, I believe. Her parents know, her therapist knows. She’s getting on antidepressants to help stabilize.
But how can I help more? I’m trying to see her more and text her good morning and good night daily and I talked the the suicide prevention lifeline and they helped, but I can’t lose her.
My friendship with her is easier than breathing. No matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other, it never changes. I will never have another friend like her. Losing her would irrevocably destroy me. 
Please help me, I don’t know what else to do. I’d give everything for her to just get better.",2.515791271347247,5.156364890322582,3.2678178368121458,87.87349146110058,80.74193548387099,6.485768500948768,24.601518026565465,7.724431198458867,1.4149544592030359,638,24,124,11,17,201,102,155,0.128,0.6579999999999999,0.214,0.9081,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,5,6,9,1,0,5,0,13,1,1,4,2,23,24,10,3,1,3,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,5,3,25,6,11,17,4,14,0,2,3,0,24,4,0,0,11,80,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231524433974112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319857422730637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418124648090368,0.0,0.11132184740320912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315384334052682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514829144509816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312390196521227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449380631701169,0.0,0.1315238320266493,0.12074603969320576,0.0,0.21114768420534166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218402704789812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27669959277991263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614937578233149,0.0,0.0,0.11139105026035008,0.0,0.2816328220298048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910130280078128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046828829136664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415751387916946,0.0,0.0,0.11812053318537892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976381602584942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816753780804847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030214862615956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412102187140436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130442781952191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116959367539956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461448516689238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545751459588588,0.0,0.12295676788198175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052943707958535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941448570549583,0.0,0.0,0.08105619769312508
suicidewatch,whothefuckcareshaHa,2018/04/11,"I can't do this anymore, one last goodbye I can't be like this anymore.
 
I pretend that I'm normal. I go to work. I work 8-4 like everybody else. But there's this everlasting sadness inside me. Some days it worse, but I still put up my shell towards people so they don't worry. I smile, I laugh, I crack jokes. 

But then I get home.

I just break down. Crying, smashing things, punching the wall. I don't know what to do. I just get overwhelmed with this hopelessness. I wish there was something I could do, but I've tried for too long.

The last time the knot untied. This time I made sure it's nice and tight. I guess this is my goodbye. 

I'm sorry for the times I let those near me down.
I'm sorry for not being normal.
I'm sorry for giving up so easily.
I'm sorry I can't take me anymore.

Goodbye and thanks for everything",-0.5376830443159903,1.6767142947976907,1.5449494219653168,96.82490004816955,93.91329479768784,4.039402697495183,17.034922928709054,5.7366,-0.5200556840077071,635,17,142,5,24,210,95,173,0.173,0.669,0.159,0.368,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,0,1,4,0,14,0,0,1,1,20,29,9,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,12,3,0,1,1,2,0,2,6,3,0,1,2,1,25,7,14,23,1,19,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,2,11,87,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37586355057643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008661866594202,0.0,0.1387702712258884,0.0814739831462078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553455668453507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353946583675123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200698856463222,0.12118960370449075,0.07179764629728654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916944355726274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672175427496274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942901415109197,0.20595562664736414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291834959414164,0.0,0.12343931378358572,0.0,0.0,0.11180024845186236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953882482430946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755796867785684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560614195744626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758301851898248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699901192744414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725689697204218,0.0,0.5656753677384567,0.0,0.0,0.10088926286088093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190668450614628,0.0,0.09498628493477844,0.0,0.0,0.11630995254026975,0.0,0.0,0.08392967050098038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209964137737464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577144520648737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452760901481205,0.0,0.0,0.183943065723943,0.12829674178428188,0.1287435659419659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtremeEquipment,2018/04/11,"story time Bear with me. Im sure you can write a drama series with this. 
My mother told me (recently) that when I was 5 years old my father was on the binge and called me a ""whipster"". She told me she never saw me cry so hard as a child. I become quiet and withdrawn.  I don’t remember ever hanging out with my dad. I do remember vividly my mom asking me not to tell kids at school that hes got a drinking problem. My mother tried to shield me from the abuse, she would lock me in my room along with my sister and we would blast loud music, or if it became worse we would run away to my grandparents house on the other side of the town. He wasn’t drinking all the time. He was an on/off alki.When he stopped the binge he would apologize to my mom and beg her to come back and she did because she loved him. I was bullied in school and my father would never step in, it was either my mom or my sister which seemed to make the matter worse for me. I never had any self esteem. When I was 10 I witnessed my mom having her head slammed against the ground by my father, in a delirious state, from an alcohol withdrawal. He denied everything after. It took my grandparents and my 15yo sister to pull him off her. Alcoholism is so common, I always tried to rationalise what was happening but it doesn’t change the fact the ordeal left me broken. Some days I would clutch my chest and chant “I don’t want to die” , must have been a sign of something.  My mother had been given an opportunity to work abroad for a better pay and she took it, promising to bring us over (lying to my father that she will come back) and left us. For one year everything seemed normal, but the next year we had found out that my father was cheating on my mom and had thrown us out. It was the very first time I stood up to him. I was so angry that he did that, that I demolished my room with spray paint before we left. I was staying with my grand parents after that. My father would often meet me and give me a lot of money. He tried to use me as a bargain chip in the divorce. I was 12. Something broke inside me about that time. I started to skip school (whole 2 months) and go to my fathers place to play computer games at his. I was found out and my grandparents were furious with me and with him. He didn’t care I didn’t go to school. I even met his lover at some point. I was really resentful with my grandparents that they argued with me every day and beat me from time to time. I think that was onset of my anxiety and depression. About that time I had my first and unrequited love. The pattern of humility and abandonment would continue despite my genuine feelings. I become a laughing stock of my school because of the school skiving, so leaving the country was a clean slate I needed. It turned out my mother had a serious car accident and needed a face reconstruction surgery. She was stopping tears at the phone when I begged her to take me over to her. The accident, the hopelessness, being away from family, the divorce and everything in between must have taken a toll on her and she was depressed too. She was very irritable and would somehow viciously take it out on me.  (break my xbox games etc) Moving country was everything I ever wanted, a dream come true. Everything was so different. I didn’t know English very well at the time  and because of my upbringing I found it I could not fit in very well. I insisted I did not need help from school, that I wil learn English myself. I eventually did but there were a lot of awkward conversations where either side was misunderstood. When I told my mom I couldn’t focus on my studies she would mock me so I stopped talking to her about my problems. She would often cry that I hate  her etc. On one hand she gave me a horrible childhood and upbringing. On the other hand she sacrificed her health and herself to provide for us. When I was 17 I fell in love with a girl who had a boyfriend, a typical friend zone scenario. She was the only girl in school that thought im not a total weirdo so naturally I started to like her.  I did love her sincerely and tried to do anything I could so she could change her mind about her boyfriend and me. She seemed to enjoy the attention and would sometimes fuel my jelousy by telling me about him. That driven me to suicide. I oculd not handle the rejection and humiliation. One day I told myself that I will tell her that I love her and if she doesn’t say she loves me back I will kill myself. She was late to class so I attempted suicide. I was quickly saved and admitted to a mental hospital. She did visit me and everything but after a whil ei decided to cut all ties with her realising how toxic that relationship was.  I failed my exams and was on the dole. History likes to repeat itself as I soon found out. .I didn’t  find any reason to live so I thought that by living for someone else, someone I fall in love with, I will find some kin dof newfound energy to carry on, to start to take care of myself. I know now it doesn’t work like that, which makes me even sadder, as it feels like a lost cause to carry on with my unhappy life. Fast forward a few years I started working and fell in love with a girl at work, who was emotionally unavailable. Noticing the pattern I decided to spare myself the pain and tried to commit suicide. She saved me from killing myself, but was very distant after that. About that time my mother was going out with a guy and it turned out he had an emotional baggage as well, as hi sfather was a heavy drinker.  He tried to be a father figure to me, but I didn’t need a father figure since I was 17-22 at the time. Especially  since he had such a twisted idea of being a father. He used intimidation tactics and was very manipulative. He would tell me im worthless and have no job and just a parasite, and then tell my mom we “talked things out”. Worst thing is nobody would believe me at the time since I would lie about the smallest thing just so they would leave me alone. But they did eventually. Funny how he moaned about me not having a job but when I eventually got it he found some  other excuse.  I was playing computer games when he pulled the internet plug demanding to know why I didn’t help him repair my mothers phone. I explained to him why but he wouldn’t take that for an answer and kept asking the same question. It was some kind of weird abuse tactic. When my mom came back from work she noticed what went down and slapped him. He shoved her on the ground so I threatened him and then he went for me. I was surprisingly calm. Like I was ready for this moment my whole life. Deep down I promised myself I would not let my family be hurt again this way. I kept him at an arms length without punching him and my mother and sister pulled him off me. Eventually he calmed down when he realised I told my mom to get the neighbours. Police came round and he got done for assault on me. We had to sell the house. Worst thing is I felt more distressed about the girl than having to fight my stepdad. I loved her so much, I tried everything in my power so that she would like me back. I never had any friends, so I would buy my  work colleagues souvenirs and stuff as a token of good will  but that only seemed to make them jealous that I get to go to usa and stuff. I feel worthless, empty, humiliated. I don’t belong anywhere. My genuine love was perceived as lecherous manipulation by the girls peers. Nothing bring happiness anymore in my life. I wish I were dead. I’m going to a therapist right now. But I’m not sur eif it will help. In the media men are often portrayed as fantasising about money, cars gadgets. I wish I had friends and someone I could rely on. A girl to cuddle. It gets worse every day. I no longer shave or shower. Im horrible to my family. I lock myself in my room and sleep after work . I didn’t ask to be born. Ill be patient and see what another day brings. 
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suicidewatch,Emotional-Less,2018/04/11,"I've managed to screw up just about everything in the last month. I can't believe how much I've managed to ruin everything. I've started falling behind in classes, and haven't been able to do any assignments, thanks to extreme depression and laziness. I don't have any more mental energy to do my remaining coursework, which consists of 5 projects and 4 exams. My anxiety also prevented me from calling back for a job. My BPD makes friendships difficult and nobody really likes me anyway. Damn it, I've managed to completely ruin any good thing I still had. I have no hope for my future. If only I wasn't too lazy to end my life. It feels like the only way to be truly happy, and not ruin anything.",4.625588235294117,6.061875088235299,5.852235294117651,77.32805882352943,70.17647058823529,8.675294117647061,31.24705882352941,9.120678840339163,2.920537647058824,556,24,97,11,10,186,90,136,0.175,0.636,0.189,0.2835,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,2,0,3,0,11,2,0,2,0,13,16,8,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,1,12,6,17,12,2,12,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,2,9,64,16,8,0.17535057296001014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022778984370304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577332079205064,0.0,0.13414270835878356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442985807089835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483376686133305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975600484959793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084790820532427,0.0,0.17905254036154716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385173956431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102919154674518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553085608350935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151875766124841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886625183837847,0.1252704843593324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147075741147272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666394554658586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416268441973354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400838662553605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293412069161826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385529541418093,0.17133486529739714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170478690703208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767121346487758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399631543946312,0.0,0.12890284722112227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667240246710552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233406714621852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411403806554115,0.0,0.14003519407543322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143924848911206,0.0,0.0,0.11649512905549368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918512291831828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRevenant46,2018/04/11,"Can't shake it Basically im 18 in New Zealand and ive only recently come out of treatment for severe depression and drugs/alcohol addiction. Pretty much everything seemed way better when i started recovering and started enjoying life in a new light again and got a part time job while I studied as well as getting a new girlfriend who I love very much but recently those dark thoughts have been creeping in again for the last couple of months and im starting to feel really suicidal again. I just keep on making stupid mistakes on the most basic shit yet wondering why I keep on fucking up. And those thoughts of low self esteem, hopelessness and everything keeps creeping back in even though I know its the depression speaking not me but its getting harder and harder to fight and I just don't want to be a burden again for anyone to have to look after like a fucking baby. Even though im studying its only to try finish highschool since I missed half a year last year due to going into treatment. I keep on trying to do good but keep having a foggy mind and forgetting to do basic stuff like not burning or forgetting to put food away, taking ages to do everything from cleaning to things I actually enjoy doing. Something in my brain just seems to have changed after my episode, my cognition and focus is rapidly going downhill and ended up losing my job because of making continous stupid mistakes. I wasn't always like this and I know that im competent but I just want to return to normal and wish that this cloud would just blow away.


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suicidewatch,throwawayperson72,2018/04/11,"suicidal + bipolar 1 + college freshman + procrastinating on 2 assignments due today/yesterday My head hurts so much but I had to get up after 4 hours of sleep to finish my assignments because I'm an engineering major with too many expectations around me. I can't write too coherently right now but I want to die. I'm not taking meds, I'm not going to therapy because ubering in this city is too expensive, and I've pretty much used up the short-term therapy this campus provides. I know that summer will be better because I will be able to sleep, but I don't know how the hell I'm going to survive 3 more years, plus actual job-finding/job-doing, while I'm such a self-destructive person. 

A girl on my campus killed herself recently. That made me really sad but it still sounds tempting to follow. ",7.552500000000002,6.622931980891721,8.523622611464969,68.90670780254779,63.5859872611465,11.671656050955415,35.54856687898089,10.9516,3.9250898089171984,639,25,115,15,8,219,106,157,0.17600000000000002,0.763,0.062,-0.9674,3,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,2,0,5,0,8,4,3,3,0,18,23,9,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,3,4,4,0,0,2,1,12,1,17,17,4,20,1,2,0,0,4,7,1,0,10,66,17,6,0.15176592254199348,0.0,0.1481016479034634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510384730645322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27754529322370325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422462536151564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750906684953184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929143062073818,0.0,0.17250414245534468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557556209977987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945886278680728,0.0,0.16246855897867396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30120852051382796,0.0,0.1679065073005848,0.0,0.16681316401463644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360458545572474,0.0,0.15386682485412534,0.0,0.0,0.16857772676599805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313083095844516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251614967914574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440050405923986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722513616894833,0.0,0.14985053933290055,0.0,0.0,0.1296072686159499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832495612912945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30375105215244136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120046178607018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660072866549545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410908624947673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34711511791614097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385634904626826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107702913929434,0.0,0.0,0.08951547323473383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977322782758187
suicidewatch,Lalaloey,2018/04/11,Life is bullshit I want to kill myself. Everything is so fucked up. Ive already cut so much and life is pointless,-0.12456521739130365,2.0616946956521787,1.5307608695652206,94.3291847826087,102.04347826086956,4.039130434782609,23.14130434782609,5.985473137389443,0.6242260869565213,90,4,18,1,4,29,18,23,0.484,0.477,0.039,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174490088974727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399798801941924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497201501581949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185184150513236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343904597877059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780844031096346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312341899711172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gohst666,2018/04/11,"Cut myself I know this sounds cliche but I’m in love with this girl 
But when I confessed my feelings she didn’t feel the same way and I have been in depression my entire life and I thought she could save me and I never felt this way about anyone in forever I’m 19 btw but I guess I’m always gonna be alone, and that’s why I cut myself because I feel so empty without her and I tried to distract myself for months but nothing works.",0.1685630498533719,2.3855273225806464,1.7911436950146644,97.2794428152493,87.60215053763443,4.242033235581624,18.131964809384165,5.565023196281405,-0.4975290322580643,343,9,77,2,11,111,62,93,0.18,0.716,0.103,-0.6704,0,1,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,23,17,11,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,5,18,2,8,10,1,8,1,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,3,49,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434798170629476,0.0,0.0,0.19561168528521194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437869044147044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330719669191502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769829018752035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248057394585764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35660200705525336,0.0,0.22572092759124815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589754551765563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919797681622824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604929844926766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121757044695836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764465030143607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131402164230806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255728575031631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866332658653524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960902404816668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37320313092589263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121299605069076,0.0,0.0,0.2266160220728963,0.0,0.17114654609087632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antheiazia,2018/04/11,"How to die? I’m planning and preparing my suicide. I’m either doing it on winter. Hypothermia maybe. Swim on the river but I have to check how cold does the water and the weather have to be. Or i could buy ice, pour it all in our bathtub and just sleep. I still don’t know. I’m thinking of doing the assisted suicide but too much paperworks it will take me a long time to die.",-0.37035673187572016,1.886996797468356,1.998250863060992,93.52773302646723,93.68354430379749,4.898043728423477,19.84004602991945,6.574015621080383,0.33959746835442983,293,10,63,4,11,99,55,79,0.2,0.8,0.0,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,0,8,2,1,2,1,14,14,8,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,8,11,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,44,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990600302204741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175051690233641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817974619328206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701857989099814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063846738480605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504733087559981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832773196792909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494979221344441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991055712438069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454265627867099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745600855806413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975282264124274,0.0,0.0,0.14537925364740273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minecraftnunobin,2018/04/11,"How do I kill myself without a gun and without traumatizing people Pills? Where do I get them? I want to die alone, so nothing as intricate as CO poisoning thanks ",2.0446774193548407,4.849249516129035,3.8002419354838723,81.62036290322581,86.09677419354837,6.970967741935485,27.10483870967742,8.07648339933343,2.377574193548388,129,6,23,3,4,43,26,31,0.379,0.415,0.206,-0.8601,0,1,0,1,0,2,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,5,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281651238487212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328844365091908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554310606521894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505519389611236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040299011736875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966662646957028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917165374223701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688866330405296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6108717826942519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nos-urprises,2018/04/11,"If this is another rejected resume, I'm legitimately gonna kill myself. Today marks the day of my 1 year unemployment. It's already hard enough to keep coming up with reasons why I've been unemployed for so long. I've been called to 12 interviews. No call back. And countless of resumes that I can't even keep track on. 

You may say that 1 year is nothing. But to me, it reads 1 out of 40 years of unemployment. Might as well end it now. I'll post update... Or won't...",1.2287500000000016,3.4116227083333364,3.395666666666667,87.81600000000002,82.33333333333334,6.756666666666668,22.1,7.908726449838941,1.0713700000000004,364,12,79,7,10,124,75,96,0.18,0.7979999999999999,0.022,-0.936,6,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,12,13,6,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,2,5,1,13,7,1,15,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,4,10,44,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706493342842144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967564516218624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428324841018905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832019643273667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163487635754414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101200077278232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661929662340757,0.19388183688262803,0.0,0.12393416749911355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808820015962328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335653458564349,0.20759538507481512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605511636488268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905593323798476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004522980376142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970684141045898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876903497271599,0.0,0.0,0.19292473113097847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492185187916861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778603739416421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871050964963288,0.0,0.16931552807586106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625011966913252
suicidewatch,Turtlewithatophatt,2018/04/11,"16F heroin addict. Let me start from the beginning. When I was 14, my dad injected me with heroin because I was depressed. I instantly became addicted and fell in love with the feeling so I asked him to give me more. Soon, I had my own heroin and I loved it but I lost so much energy and I felt like shit everyday. I was diagnosed with major depression, on top of anorexia and dyslexia. I cut every day now and take heroin a lot. I need relief from the emotional pain. My parents do not care how I feel anymore, they do not care if I cut. Every day I think of suicide but I'm terrified of surviving and being trapped in a hospital forever. Someone please help me. Right now I'm in the hospital because I cut too deep into my wrist and I cut into a nerve. They're probably going to find out about my heroin addiction, I'm honestly not sure if that's a good or bad thing.",1.3228099910793958,3.6124183728813577,3.776491228070178,84.57947368421053,82.78531073446328,7.568123699078205,24.57002676181981,8.532816995589336,2.0254813559322042,680,27,135,17,19,236,107,177,0.326,0.51,0.16399999999999998,-0.9914,1,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,3,9,19,5,0,8,0,8,9,2,1,1,30,27,16,1,3,8,2,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,13,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,6,3,27,9,18,19,5,21,0,3,0,2,9,10,1,4,10,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508464304261077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367149765344292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887568328990456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510304831611293,0.16807008395612366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811044307647298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780995805926564,0.0,0.23746837456966546,0.1399197791542534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506816061109766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229732716888898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940711666548133,0.0,0.13236228230907635,0.0,0.1259968428563225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224294136475828,0.0783460927273243,0.11562611449873784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240120553185263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096593236439614,0.0,0.06734892035208394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048486220864107,0.11719927062419636,0.2488387833049033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133918249018628,0.10221763053203352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466872885135213,0.0,0.15307150590265925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132323716196305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863085303226445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772729559522335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150603081688135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680397391614668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757437810153202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507908400176231,0.0,0.12992657231840027,0.0,0.10364969704592462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915846422098115,0.08833182673825699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShNV,2018/04/11,"A rant about what a miserable little shit I am. Time drags on forever. I feel dead inside and nothing besides something visceral, like food and masturbation, brings true joy to me. My only parent doesn't understand me and believes I'm just spoiled and that's the internet's fault somehow (that's common for people raised in USSR — they treat everone younger and their problems as soft and spoiled). My psychiatrist believes that depression is a teenage fad. I haven't made any friends since I was 12, and it was the only close friend I've ever had. We're parted now. I am truly alone. Entrusive thoughts about self-harm and suicide make cold run down my limbs.

I dream of going somewhere like Iceland, a remote small country where everyone knows each other, but I can't make myself work for it. I have no power left to do anything meaningful, I abandoned my studies and barely go to classes. I would love to hear anything in response, but I know that won't change anything for me, I act like I have no future.",4.787713787085515,6.65715859162304,4.821026178010468,83.17768237347296,70.413612565445,7.3969982547993025,31.58150087260035,8.021203637495839,2.3305578359511347,805,36,145,11,15,250,130,191,0.16,0.6940000000000001,0.145,-0.2454,2,1,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,2,7,15,1,1,6,0,14,3,1,3,2,29,28,12,2,2,3,1,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,8,11,1,1,6,1,0,5,6,6,0,0,5,4,23,9,15,21,2,19,0,3,0,1,7,9,1,1,8,86,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149022561355008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946770861947103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610999475625552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32958939629132794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473285405331208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598098766227053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230838240050566,0.0,0.13976597853130596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395783239133769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686865147674666,0.0,0.2260136169720585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625570725625324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648554170204125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077086711170446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892133354250915,0.0,0.0,0.21437844561791952,0.14659962944980412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201318173941803,0.13840294836028652,0.1952709406469829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403487298769111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224878231630811,0.0,0.0,0.16241404381963934,0.15839471145786296,0.0,0.10140427603447266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399593593094504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525901186076018,0.0,0.15014268367132425,0.12099495198127852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260476509692023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999418019573428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612098240416527,0.08529043538306627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152270839706523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106485330870705,0.0,0.0,0.10390506364535028,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayis-suitable,2018/04/11,"Help! How to buy helium tank without raising suspicion I've read stories of stores reporting people.
Not looking for preaching. I know I'm going to kill myself someway. Help me leave peacefully. You can PM me from an alt account if you want to discuss it.",2.587500000000002,5.490152750000004,4.000833333333337,80.62750000000003,84.0,6.533333333333335,30.91666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.799266666666667,204,11,33,4,6,67,41,48,0.104,0.6729999999999999,0.223,0.6884,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,7,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,19,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980956158355754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672670474451892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856318172199271,0.0,0.1915603647808889,0.0,0.0,0.369076454426758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927039948617685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416487570973777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486559713928303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559068953185192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360009879661311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emanresu-esoohc,2018/04/11,i don't know what to put here I'm not quite sure where to begin. I'm nearly 19 but I've been experiencing depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts since I was 10 and 11 respectively. It's just.. so hard to go on like this. I don't want to die but I don't want to be alive even more. ,-0.8953571428571436,1.1615560317460378,1.716170634920637,96.78473214285715,91.85714285714286,5.68968253968254,17.398809523809526,7.1686216300943375,-0.05306190476190453,222,6,57,4,8,76,45,63,0.225,0.5820000000000001,0.194,-0.0608,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,14,5,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,2,4,3,7,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614305933140046,0.0,0.31501700091859336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047920009091172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250352214399522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190393571622096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681256416759854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828979428195485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30513224313203346,0.0,0.3228423188003421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510837759842265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320133794115766,0.0,0.2860741431359701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409695136500161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580606053764871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LizzieMills,2018/04/11,"63 years is long enough Up until five years ago I had a fairly nice life. It was far from perfect - there were hard times and times of sorrow. But I was always able to weather the storms.

Five years ago I moved to Maine and my life has been a living hell ever since. One crisis after another. I'm the head of my household (which consists of me, my estranged, abusive, disabled husband for whom I'm caregiver, and our animals). Two years ago the manure really hit the fan. I had a couple of TIAs, then a few months later I tore my left rotator cuff. Shortly after it was diagnosed but before it was treated, I lost my insurance. So here I am with failing health and no way to fix it, a ""spouse"" who is nothing but a burden, no money to leave and nowhere to go, and too sick to work.

The way I see it, I had a good life. There was so much joy and there are so many incredible memories. But it's clear to me after five years of misfortune that the good times are over. 63 isn't a bad age at which to check out. It's not like I was cheated of anything - except maybe the kind of pleasant twilight years we all hope we'll have. 

I really want to die. I don't have the guts to do it, so I just hope I'll get sick and have to die because I have no insurance to get treatment. ",3.3160606060606064,3.919512424242426,4.611818181818184,88.12106060606064,72.48484848484848,7.684848484848485,25.65151515151515,7.793537801064563,1.1937060606060608,976,29,217,12,18,324,144,264,0.17,0.675,0.155,-0.5747,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,3,0,0,4,11,18,2,0,16,0,25,9,2,0,4,25,36,18,2,3,7,2,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,13,11,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,7,0,5,12,2,24,11,31,22,5,33,1,3,1,0,7,7,1,2,23,146,37,2,0.11528355003933567,0.13659215549100553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065757338954746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592514880537062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088485397414175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948685388873123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625694888574317,0.07027578208075337,0.0,0.0980978100488016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755905539035886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701037659026155,0.23929224803114435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191187244260642,0.0,0.0,0.10428057111837707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046179348499104,0.0,0.06551829819780766,0.1933887443640199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327141683833158,0.0,0.11831418164534994,0.12254102278997693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900515470646696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200500770553243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206863386109965,0.12525591443285314,0.0,0.2442845421971971,0.056321719352180034,0.0,0.10179748677728008,0.10202231402305646,0.0,0.0,0.12584561314061676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687942527121715,0.11581782117680788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201822977217487,0.12252816921760985,0.08474667397418825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061767547728092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811911706837933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770718831841592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091866063569811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536374389987336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166829534106365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261527703344397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679972247069879,0.18301343202732928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392779744909064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454329590340445
suicidewatch,GotDaGibz,2018/04/11,"Saturday I will finally be free from the world and its money.

Sorry mom and dad.",1.1156250000000014,3.6526993125000047,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,87.125,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,2.0501,63,2,12,2,2,22,15,16,0.07400000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.187,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601303902012361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988564263955044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723852955289965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alabama_Coon,2018/04/11,"I'm not sure what to do. I sought out help before from a therapist and have talked to friends, about me being suicidal. It didn't help at all. I tried to kill my self a couple of months ago and I honestly feel like I should've died. My life hasn't gotten better since that incident it's gotten worse and I'm afraid it's never gonna improve. I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna hold on. ",0.7586046511627913,2.436591546511629,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,81.2093023255814,6.16046511627907,17.726744186046513,7.1686216300943375,-0.08643720930232535,307,6,74,4,8,102,60,86,0.26,0.5920000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.8918,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,4,13,14,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,1,7,6,9,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116001683184075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350159794273696,0.0,0.0,0.19072420538502552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386117537644551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380983768740698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090387222177669,0.15405984169112533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666100479260092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890902451343567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23858390438883484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231941747253866,0.10535531318044612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721291453362297,0.0,0.15852698533085838,0.0,0.16632196831953208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22496916172436596,0.0,0.0,0.17838725841813505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358852390171636,0.0,0.4064936645014352,0.0,0.0,0.17333066970203953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503853588120061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641166083459825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976497266605632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Newfyhobbit,2018/04/11,"Maybe sumone can relate. I dont want to sing 
I dont want to read 
I dont want to be here 
I dont even wanna breath 
But my pen wanted me and i wanted you 

Even when the darkness is on my mind i still think of you as my sunshine
And theres no amount of clouds that can take you away 
Ill love you always!
You'r the only thing that gets me through my day

Drop by drop getting happyier with my thoughts 
I try to be happy but my body wont let me 

Its hard to find the words i want to say
So let me paint a picture to help explane 

Brother, sister down the road Yet ill never get to know
Mother, sister million miles
My niece and nephew just want to see your smiles 

Please lord come take me away i just want to be in a better place 

I didnt want to sing
I didnt want to read 
I dont want to be here
I dont even wanna breath 

But my pen needed me
And i needed you, i needed you
Yah, i need you",-1.7974714285714268,0.10726871000000317,0.470714285714287,104.41,96.9,3.0571428571428574,12.142857142857142,4.208707567591113,-1.813064285714286,682,10,176,1,28,225,100,200,0.128,0.762,0.11,0.8447,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,8,0,1,12,4,0,0,6,1,18,6,3,0,1,35,44,10,0,17,5,5,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,4,0,1,11,0,0,1,3,4,38,4,26,34,1,16,1,0,2,1,16,8,0,0,5,114,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076717184143494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981174599002276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521849402957259,0.0,0.09446971969647792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326175902718317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054849251843406936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980573085799388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852121248516974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773279562888329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333030057192238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053571835365293,0.07618675803709046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057006222240508435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674043584660508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739357235103409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675959908470592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544265769292053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587474858673216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25224956447125924,0.06559465252862827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646832228501909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885758932271215,0.09335772231710056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014304688824824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763398724621518,0.0,0.0,0.06777264969618707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791984843826439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789178736254705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650244969834526,0.054495649888629816,0.0,0.0675190154287786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774235427598062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5518019497554051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrustratedChicken85,2018/04/11,"Meditation I have been carefully meditating and I've finally come to to the conclusion that I want to die. Truly, not sure if it's a broke switch in my brain or not, but I'm trying to decide how.

Personally, I would rather be given a large injection of ""Belladonna"" the pretty lady. Opium mixed with nightshade I believe, should be a helluva trip before my heart stops.

Or perhaps something violent, bloody, gory. All I know is I keep taking the doctors pills and they are robbing me of what little life I feel I have.

Gas bag with helium sounds good too since faking a license to get a firearm seems like a hassle.

Honestly I just want to get away from everyone for a bit, take enough opium so that the hunger doesn't hurt too much, and then od and fade away.

Unless anyone here wants to make a few bucks and shoot me in my home.",4.230562372188143,5.576468042944787,5.199524539877302,81.97797801635994,71.02453987730061,8.62351738241309,25.853271983640084,9.075114841892004,1.962943149284253,653,20,128,13,12,214,117,163,0.152,0.7070000000000001,0.142,-0.4142,0,0,1,2,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,1,0,12,0,10,6,2,2,2,33,26,13,2,7,9,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,1,1,4,8,1,2,5,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,2,2,15,5,18,20,5,11,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,4,5,82,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524126309083994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30969496510568784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024394470263102,0.1856881045532516,0.0,0.0,0.17993339303484812,0.0,0.0,0.18398610453851436,0.0,0.0,0.16803810221424212,0.0,0.0,0.1419720294334391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105014262781726,0.0,0.0,0.16869335475978486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029615434988982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574861323000125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333453605088516,0.0,0.0,0.18054486969431455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221625126885515,0.0,0.0,0.13823754249562975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195304505966454,0.0,0.0,0.16532113725753264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764360029660141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649359769097486,0.0,0.0,0.09057705714223728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641247924076285,0.08051943351696396,0.16518618394313567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001413046376818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115670933586913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390858098829776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676743362740476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500398014296421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633523133163042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688129915459553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779126473059888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533454652558115,0.0,0.2478381196524866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189738452476773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916333917238864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707861077384865,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,threshforever,2018/04/11,"I wrote this and it feels okay to go now Title: Gentle poppies 

“Scarlet red, the field of the dying and the dead
You said you’re my always, so I followed and you led. 

I said I would never hurt you, and instead I gave you dirt. Some for me, some for the poppy seeds. 

Dark skies like dark eyes, there’s no sleep when you’re among the scarlet red.”


I want to say goodbye now. 

",0.6546153846153828,2.648674141025644,1.827884615384616,99.3233653846154,83.23076923076924,3.9,17.442307692307693,3.1291,-1.0140307692307693,285,6,66,0,8,90,52,78,0.11,0.7509999999999999,0.14,0.122,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,1,1,2,2,1,1,12,9,6,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,7,12,2,6,4,2,9,0,1,3,0,9,2,0,2,5,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576039374694524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32130586226043145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653816214677746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594730685586424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314228283932453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125018674309032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23877513158469316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5889825577814339,0.24619863939768935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098138909602826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260438518636435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992407260832766,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zerrrrrrrthon,2018/04/11,"I tried to commit suicide. But failed. I just reeeeeeeaaaaally wanna kill myself, But I'm so fucking coward... I wanna Cut myself, I think I can't kill myself cause i'm coward, that's the reason why I live.

Sorry for my poor english.",0.49093167701863294,2.960542130434785,2.3641614906832302,89.8171739130435,95.08695652173913,2.6285714285714294,15.267080745341616,3.1291,-0.9232136645962736,182,4,32,0,7,60,32,46,0.48,0.481,0.039,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,5,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,9,5,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,10,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,21,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873770578084998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586214397832931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189968466354261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470215791733564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876263365994998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131536768841369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059976310922948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792504752198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899297368769044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524280053903873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dangolthroway,2018/04/11,"i'm too much of a coward i put the belt around my neck and around the pole in my closet but i couldn't bring myself to tighten it. but strangely i felt very peaceful right before when i figured i should just end things right here and now. but when i had the belt around me i just got scared that it would hurt and i just imagined how horrific my dead body would look. So I couldn't do it. I should do it, but I can't. I almost sent a goodbye text to someone i haven't spoken to in 6 months. would they even care? I doubt it, and I'm being completely serious when i say that. 

I keep staring at the belt because i know it's my real only way out. I've already reached my peak and now it's over. The rest is just more of this, more pain and more failure and more delusion. I need to get out.

I wish I had the courage.",0.8656567796610197,2.4529228361581943,2.324375,98.1014777542373,80.52542372881356,5.102966101694915,20.6670197740113,5.602791699666715,-0.2782878531073445,630,17,153,3,16,204,98,177,0.213,0.6890000000000001,0.098,-0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,17,7,0,2,8,0,15,3,2,1,0,38,28,16,1,9,8,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,1,0,11,12,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,5,4,28,2,15,15,6,22,0,1,2,0,3,11,0,2,7,108,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148824402398593,0.0,0.17796505236005375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306924986863463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830847259787984,0.0,0.13722858124884282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913420876170685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442514086082946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690881439326211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283702917734256,0.0,0.0,0.10651707289589794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484413998117205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425672808808214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898205930872633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264247964203558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433438614108955,0.0,0.0,0.08862957378787564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542587653912852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287238839927584,0.0,0.11855173758976445,0.1195793908546149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265282444632992,0.17160226191180394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621205260687643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183560150957644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754467741223219,0.0,0.12824808657923675,0.16145903827230476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366432383297516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714037950287868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306433833321274,0.0,0.12800832971754367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545212126124375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34368396479037394,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daisy9222,2018/04/11,I want to kill myself but i dont have the courage College is stressing me out but I really want to get a degree. I dont know what to do..I am questioning myself,-1.4758333333333304,0.5060008611111115,1.968,93.77700000000004,95.94444444444444,5.102222222222223,18.31111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.21078444444444425,125,4,29,2,5,45,24,36,0.312,0.616,0.073,-0.8605,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,21,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6863761535726969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298869023521064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239668704775119,0.0,0.16092866074430415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280304021542165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875908420870025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354294203031173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454308971034048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liamdenow,2018/04/11,"suicide I'm 16 and in grade 10, the end of the school years coming and I'm failing all of my classes but my mom thinks I have high 80's. I was loving my life all up until this year. I have great friends guys and girls. My father killed himself and I cant get it out of my head that I killed him. im the reason why he killed himself. My parents separated when I was only 8 years old. my dad was a horrible alcoholic and he beat me. when I was 11 he moved away and I had a restraining order on him. my mom manipulated me to make me hate him and all I wanted was to see him. he would always message me on facebook saying he loved me and I was always too scared to message him back. Just last year i came back from a football game and i got a phone call from my grandma (she thought my number was my moms) she told me my dad had been found dead inside his house. i didn't know what to do I hung up the phone and went straight for the gun we have in my house. and I was ready to take my life. my mom walked in just in time to save me. I'm sorry I rambled on but this, but this is my reasoning behind my death. I cant cope with the pain of me driving my father to death. I'm sorry, mom and dad I love you.",-0.006683053788314908,1.6656376954887229,2.19624060150376,97.53873915558128,83.69924812030075,4.994563331405437,18.501445922498554,5.873414542411696,-0.4826860613071138,921,22,230,6,26,311,134,266,0.21600000000000005,0.665,0.12,-0.9863,1,0,1,1,0,1,22.0,1,1,0,2,7,13,4,1,10,0,20,8,1,4,3,37,42,18,7,2,5,11,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,6,17,1,1,6,1,0,6,3,7,0,0,18,2,56,6,28,23,3,33,0,1,1,3,42,13,0,0,13,145,62,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073337100055196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156860779156456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855870010786167,0.14495750532406265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624818091538896,0.1078062925496035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119510999482847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348480524644374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334927262903457,0.07282366664764778,0.0,0.049246029378017135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538690886874275,0.10392001987304483,0.0,0.0933304566631369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306047751847524,0.09673612680968284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958898414592428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175226601420784,0.0,0.0,0.10181505196292304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31284826342087263,0.0,0.051801852428402434,0.07683302945342271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315473610463355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25521516983488396,0.0,0.06291809351206712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5519704379520726,0.0,0.10018157037777924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890814553414172,0.0,0.0,0.07168762344612223,0.10029739135619507,0.0,0.1046625981608895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382629687236286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495791947621233,0.09436892130195344,0.0953943504444037,0.07511159737075268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102871962289652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310319351756822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087045056128295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039686114150195,0.0,0.07483049761947523,0.054962725855026984,0.0,0.0,0.09006776817791855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559594006810429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737831390466551,0.08505338226350148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066958334805527,0.0,0.0,0.24279681218881796
suicidewatch,suicidalamy,2018/04/11,"Please help, bf is asleep I'm a little drunk and my only support of my bf is asleep. Wanting to break my safety razors apart and slit my wrists. Please help. ",0.6740625000000016,3.101463281250002,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,88.0625,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.3836499999999998,123,2,26,0,4,38,23,32,0.052000000000000005,0.5660000000000001,0.382,0.908,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42745259184543627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195832208746875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24250871369426366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7000288530762188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618405118790791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807290944262214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chocobi,2018/04/11,"i just want to fucking die already ive slept for 28 hours and the 9 hours i was awake today were spent crying. same as the last time i was awake

im fucking tired. everyone in my family hates me, calls me useles,s a bitch, a leech, worthless, too old to be here, etc

my therapist cancelled on me for th nth time. its way past the point that hes cancelled more times thne ive actually seen him. i cant get a new therapist. im broke. cant hold down a job. plagued by my mental illnesses .

i spent hte last month calling every day for a spot in he shelter and evven whne im this desperate to leave the universe tells me no. 

my dad tells me to go live under a bridge allthe time. to fuck off and whore myself out for a living

i already know ok. i know im a worthless leech. ive been fucking. trying to kill myself since i was 13. im an adult and im still a fcking burden on everyone and have no friends  i have LITERALLY no reason to live. if anything i have reason to die so i stop burning a hole in my parents wallet


i want to kill myself i cant take it anymore


i just got told to shut up bc im crying too loud so im taking some sleeping pills to peace off for another day. all i do is annoy people",-0.863144016227178,1.2285230383141794,1.8712564796033355,95.31924442190672,92.5632183908046,4.603155285102547,18.4044399368943,6.2272716619740125,-0.13984660806851454,927,28,214,10,34,320,145,261,0.278,0.6809999999999999,0.041,-0.9964,2,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,0,8,16,9,0,15,1,18,10,2,2,1,20,37,9,4,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,6,0,2,4,0,2,1,6,14,0,0,11,2,33,2,29,25,5,32,0,3,1,5,12,13,5,2,17,117,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.07290053412024257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487590984891204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833387923941272,0.0,0.0,0.0740865040943725,0.0,0.0,0.061475200775838235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256270455423432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411813678001275,0.09635607246335973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506235433108026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331494288419572,0.0,0.0,0.06294152007580395,0.14276615075423246,0.0,0.0,0.07042448200905589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771628842049498,0.276251358709021,0.039029867157033785,0.0,0.04245612490127787,0.0,0.059747782220994035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375494270280324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471372004349926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6455469410044662,0.0,0.07413240277157174,0.0,0.16529828314207154,0.0,0.082110961809698,0.12178780586839252,0.0,0.07910097344238741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789556194838728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528427447924399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059628188824548366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214979288735572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838950326966547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295018611902566,0.0,0.07131362274477589,0.05179049405152135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706196263137419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361674258849084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061796095647093235,0.0,0.07475816189409461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965887972822442,0.06245606576860314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233653984703766,0.0,0.13058954698055855,0.0,0.0,0.17347469453799852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424250570485644,0.08586150157779772,0.07081085747875568,0.07138307537711623,0.0,0.050719255831473735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881249588133147,0.059296725819290415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayThinh,2018/04/11,How young were you when you first attempted? I was probably about about 10 or 11 when I first thought about how I was gonna kill myself. When did you first try?,2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,78.0909090909091,6.824242424242425,20.090909090909093,7.793537801064563,0.3432909090909089,126,3,30,2,3,38,21,33,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,3,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,7,0,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8073796139167434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35004563681314843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34112873353977824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118332675878025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481232434771094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,winter_bone,2018/04/11,"Trying to figure out how to live a life worth living when nobody seems to want to care or even acknowledge that I exist. No matter what I do, I can't seem to find anyone who will care about me. In my early 20s I had this same exact problem but I was in college, so people couldn't ignore me completely. My professor had to give me assignments and my classmates had to work with me on group projects. Sure, my professors barely gave me any feedback or praise even though I got As on just about everything, and my classmates did the bare minimum of interacting with me even though I always did most of the work on the project and compensated for group members that neglected to do their fair share - but at least they had to acknowledge that I was a living human being that could be talked to and would talk back in return.

Back then I was so annoyed by all that. But things were so much better than they are now.

I feel absolutely invisible. I cannot find anyone to care about the fact that I exist. I can go on a depression forum and post about how I feel and some well-meaning strangers with no intention of actually getting to know me will show up and say those same canned phrases - you matter, you're important, people care about you, don't kill yourself. And it's very nice of them to freely give up their time to respond to strangers on the internet like that, but unfortunately it doesn't help me feel any better. They don't know me, they don't want to know me, they won't ever know me. What I need is proof that one other human being will get to know me and care for me, at least to the point where they would miss me if I were gone. I have no one like that. It's probably been over five years since I had anyone like that.

I keep trying to figure out if there's some way for me to have a fulfilling life, even when no one will care about me. Maybe I could start caring for a bunch of animals, and make their happiness my goal in life, and maybe that would be enough. Or maybe if I make my life all about learning, the pursuit of knowledge would be enough to make up for the fact that I don't exist to anyone else. I ended up getting a cat and watching a ton of documentaries over the last few months. I love my cat, and she's probably the main reason I'm still alive, but she's less of a reason to stay and more of a reason why I can't go. And now I know a bunch more about Greek culture and World War II and the development of the computer, but it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm completely alone. I feel like a spaceman observing a planet from orbit, learning about all these other people and societies but never having a chance to interact with them.

So I have yet to figure out what I can do. It's gotten to the point where I fantasize about killing myself for attention. I used to think that sort of thing was just completely nonsensical, but it makes perfect sense to me now. I've been ignored and abandoned by so many people that killing myself might kill two birds with one stone. I'd be putting an end to a pointless, go-nowhere life and also possibly getting someone to actually acknowledge that I exist(ed).

A lot of people say the world doesn't owe anyone anything. And maybe that's true. But if it's really the case that this is just the way things have to be for me, then I don't really want to hang around. If the world doesn't owe me the opportunity to make a single friend, then I don't owe the world the ability to live guilt-free for abandoning me. Killing myself is really the only option left for getting at least a single person to take notice. At this point even that might be wishful thinking.

Growing up, it never crossed my mind that this is what life would be like.",7.14881588971522,5.838758910067114,7.119615454380558,79.88132777072376,64.59731543624162,10.416470161436608,31.27607473245057,9.358847034038227,2.4063328496281526,2928,83,609,44,37,938,286,745,0.09,0.747,0.162,0.9951,3,1,0,0,0,3,65.0,0,2,11,8,42,39,7,0,40,0,68,7,0,13,14,136,124,54,6,19,20,0,4,5,1,12,6,2,0,3,44,30,0,6,29,1,4,7,21,15,0,6,19,7,81,24,102,81,25,70,1,5,1,1,37,35,0,18,29,444,125,13,0.0,0.0,0.1019237514641653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408702470080015,0.0,0.041762518367446544,0.043453515701677686,0.0,0.0,0.071026528493758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825768229465697,0.05350838397597415,0.04297487776119294,0.04648932388548208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031215027170717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237356605670753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727120548556382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642636953559519,0.0,0.0,0.08339124104932055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044979382424993566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362541078919298,0.0,0.09250772092645287,0.10792013203365496,0.0,0.17246318601884286,0.04723847177622116,0.0,0.0,0.04693444492044428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562157634043746,0.03730794666154735,0.0,0.0,0.09546130409064237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04034717102827886,0.0,0.13642117056479475,0.10019365051755902,0.08903818555222008,0.0,0.04176730787447492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559209385755996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03500381191962345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641798420301605,0.2888837052386479,0.0,0.17220156268343498,0.042568515465956185,0.0,0.0,0.056740176192786373,0.0,0.22131885792704112,0.12756700128665405,0.0,0.18445459799256345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044397918862998265,0.04713307536940168,0.0,0.20915456718107536,0.05294567696246876,0.2098591067604891,0.056885889904014775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108001808861062,0.05273009559365098,0.0,0.041683704868247434,0.0,0.038389733808744136,0.038722511177405015,0.08055481629209177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059455952785156925,0.0,0.0,0.14154996150256546,0.03971775848346372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181023414561233,0.04559889540759635,0.0,0.0,0.1481021503015726,0.05887330973608415,0.0500149636608522,0.0,0.11260992527204895,0.0499701237714792,0.0,0.05249829287403692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036570242701984,0.1610810697199309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305926181014067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508326974502124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319920265468392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424817090742373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03696353483248513,0.05566250845332904,0.04170515966330647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049219328629071545,0.0,0.039265012615780234,0.08394934473603947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408343393960824,0.06692446558171483,0.1026171834273164,0.0,0.030451508449620288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091164541110148,0.0,0.05101404344704612,0.0,0.0,0.045103693070866105,0.0,0.043089242147807606,0.0924070019678774,0.08290398442178105,0.0,0.0,0.0469545285149013,0.0,0.04712291372697473,0.0,0.06005359106689946,0.0,0.0,0.07603757533200929,0.0,0.0,0.1854877343129918,0.0,0.0,0.0336297420792515
suicidewatch,skyeblu_43,2018/04/11,"I had it together for so long and now everything is falling apart... I am the survivor of two OD's and some days not matter how much progress I've made since then, I am one step away from trying again. I try and stay motivated by remembering how bad the last one was- I couldn't see or walk on my own for almost a week from the cocktail of drugs I took. I can't help that despite all the progress I made I just wanna fucking die. I have PTSD and I am one second from a meltdown 24/7 and no one understands. I am petrified of having a flashback in front of  my friends and having to try and explain and just being so fucking embarrassed. I hate myself. I hate the guy who abused me. I hate that I feel like I will never have a meaningful relationship again because I can never heal from what he did to me. I feel like I should just seek out other shitty guys, because that's all I know how to deal with. I am scared of being loved, scared of being respected, yet it is the one thing I really desire, I hate life and everything in it, but I guess I'll put on a happy face until the end. Is this my last night on earth? Maybe. Is this a shout into the void? Yeah, but what do I have left? My friends are sick of my shit. Hell, I'm sick of my shit. Whatever. Goodbye.",1.7396986166007906,3.3814194356060625,3.3683399209486176,91.3572924901186,78.12878787878788,6.561001317523058,22.08432147562582,7.423996415210882,0.6476121870882743,977,28,220,13,23,324,145,264,0.215,0.6729999999999999,0.112,-0.9819,0,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,0,3,12,20,9,3,14,1,27,11,3,6,4,44,45,19,2,4,7,0,2,2,2,2,5,1,0,2,13,12,1,0,8,1,0,6,6,13,0,7,6,4,35,7,29,33,5,32,1,0,1,3,11,10,5,4,17,159,48,1,0.0,0.12089933188625165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217715201967564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586884275016982,0.0,0.0851981635977751,0.1244038513164304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580660598337154,0.10519755656930536,0.0,0.0,0.10590019905802568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183326513830096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037611952808416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341184764401272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318780002889932,0.1457931257224274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766989889939356,0.1886665142131896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240727878325324,0.20206897487750072,0.0,0.10862223539766458,0.0,0.4029688906728845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839447904032951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607787420747326,0.16635053607873476,0.0,0.0,0.11086549088633882,0.0,0.07207304557038233,0.0997020394895506,0.0,0.0,0.09030115645029922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209403086900976,0.1931032224314357,0.0,0.0,0.10251172294970833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501028317644512,0.0,0.15739727739190565,0.0,0.0,0.0957565327037984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457207709754918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927793560627235,0.10257721072982567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536868943278792,0.0,0.0,0.10955151994181338,0.11559010678905356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431734580072025,0.0,0.08131173908695967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094827919847675,0.0844075773035553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087598195443718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677900667635309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133688982349194,0.2078330093128768,0.0,0.09967711326164012,0.10622602400465704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184939714458864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pengusdangus,2018/04/11,"Thousands of miles away I am thousands of miles away from my partner

I fucked up

I am mean to my partner during fights 

I had a blog that I used to get all of my negative thoughts out mostly intrusive thoughts

I forgot to block a mutual friend

My partner saw a post about them and is going to end our relationship most likely, and to top it all off I am on the other side of the country for a conference for three days and they are leaving the state as soon as I get back

We have a whole life together, our cats just started getting along and I love them so much but I fucked up so bad posting something I don't even really feel just to get it out of my head

I am so fucking stupid I am so horrible and I can't spend three days across the country I can't do this I am hysterical I didn't mean for any of this

The one good thing I ever did",1.1341176470588223,2.9642954444444456,2.9616339869281063,92.68794117647059,80.66666666666667,6.235294117647059,22.810457516339866,7.285733465282438,0.7049084967320263,660,22,151,9,17,220,99,180,0.17600000000000002,0.77,0.055,-0.975,0,0,1,0,1,0,2.0,3,0,3,1,11,10,5,0,10,0,16,6,1,1,3,25,34,12,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,7,9,0,2,5,1,1,1,5,6,0,5,7,2,29,4,29,27,6,24,0,0,1,4,13,13,3,2,8,119,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289882148064323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28432927932328583,0.11635125338078793,0.1263410079881239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951702379752604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401943841347658,0.0,0.0,0.09994157938717484,0.13687232580280098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650898867536476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690494909244248,0.4196625239218633,0.3162216253294341,0.0,0.08599532742101616,0.12691514316285746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529198817746312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602198534679379,0.0,0.0,0.10687767014703453,0.07392445820223352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365669422713231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32965097149666617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123332224304154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253439474044157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28983428734243577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693572918767374,0.0,0.0,0.16245478624895154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648903732069685,0.0,0.0,0.10710094531385377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052640813857132,0.0,0.0,0.24025309126753386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068685630115376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893686229782606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thowaway33333,2018/04/11,"I have no reason at all to live. My family is judgmental, my mother is dead, my father is a meth addict, I was forced to drop out of school, my dog was taken away from me, I'm ugly, fat and useless. My life is nothing but pain and the occasional glimmer of nothingness that's only slightly better than the pain. Everyone would be over it in a few days if I offed myself. It makes me happy to think about blowing my brains out and dying. Not having to deal with it anymore. I tried talking to my family and they basically gave me the ""Oh well, my life sucks too"" line. All I want is a fucking hug, I can't even have that. Life fucked me over so bad and all I wanna do is die. I miss my mom and my dog.",1.7945045045045056,3.0948228648648666,3.969999999999999,88.56666666666668,77.1081081081081,6.825225225225225,21.11711711711712,7.492282038375204,0.5902414414414411,536,13,120,7,12,185,95,148,0.198,0.6629999999999999,0.139,-0.8566,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,5,12,3,0,6,0,15,11,2,2,3,21,25,9,3,4,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,4,0,24,4,20,19,4,9,0,2,0,3,7,7,3,1,1,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367816062625532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799884873516562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149682802781927,0.0,0.13302236214972493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090222139347597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784955458255627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102745761214892,0.16424799404471846,0.0,0.0,0.3306901002545207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052268394780097,0.0,0.0,0.15223344476334394,0.0,0.0,0.3003782461115318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945704968205268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959504435795306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375892048927001,0.0,0.0,0.14067911261235524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634479244965267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865891936191585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286817895054872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116713986453807,0.3390473128360284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638035751053305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123648751267208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805231694284858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208338021989916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816523370935904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396881528922912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324438591385302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131736487899533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hyliasdemon,2018/04/11,"Stuff Starting to feel like nobody listens, or really cares for me. That I’m just an annoyance. That it would be better if I wasn’t around. Not like I’ll succeed in college anyhow (or even get accepted tbh...) ",2.4201219512195142,4.688625097560977,3.9489634146341466,85.00685975609757,78.51219512195122,7.0268292682926825,24.88414634146341,8.07648339933343,1.6802634146341466,163,6,31,3,4,54,36,41,0.102,0.622,0.276,0.8108,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,9,3,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,6,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,20,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31934849194674164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172702520757081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36575227754507256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369398122765438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813862210840291,0.2562789799512498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742322515506146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35051771958148864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298135932757202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539131163716767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106635439263296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25483368342110946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imissulots,2018/04/11,"just found out my ex is with another girl my ex and i broke up months ago. i have borderline personality disorder and became extremely attached and dependent on him. i’m the one who fucked up our relationship. i know it’s better in the long run for us to be apart but i am still so deeply deeply in love with him. i would do almost anything to have him back. i’ve attempted suicide 6 times already and i think about trying again every single day. now that i know about this i don’t think i’ll be able to make it through the night even. 
he is still a part of my life. he is my best, closest friend. actually, he’s my only friend. a couple years back i tried to kill myself and was in the hospital for a couple weeks in psych. i told a close friend of mine because she wanted to know why i was gone for so long. she ended up telling others stuff like i’m crazy, i was in a mental hospital because i’m psycho, etc. rumors spread and slowly all of my friends stopped talking to me. even some teachers began to avoid me. 
my ex is the only person i have left. he is the only one who texts me and hangs out with me. i do not have anyone else. i can’t cut contact with him because i will be completely alone. i have my family but they don’t really understand me. 
i never thought it was even possible to be in this much pain. the thought of him with someone else instantly brings me to tears. i am sobbing as i type this. 

please don’t tell me that i should tell him how i feel or any of that because i have plenty of times. please don’t tell me to seek professional help either as i am already seeing a therapist and a case manager weekly, and i am also on meds. i’m not completely sure why i’m posting here. i guess i’m just desperate for anything...advice, comfort, sympathy, a friend, etc....anything that could possibly make my pain a little more bearable.",1.6741282179276884,3.7596578390501314,3.41172502317621,88.84655137987595,80.10817941952506,6.6302788276403035,22.90815089495829,7.730073105063049,1.0741082649932259,1447,48,305,24,37,482,187,379,0.132,0.73,0.138,0.7529,0,2,0,0,0,2,43.0,2,0,1,3,18,19,3,1,16,0,34,5,0,4,3,51,61,18,2,4,8,3,1,1,5,3,3,0,0,3,14,17,0,2,10,0,0,4,8,8,0,2,10,2,56,11,43,43,9,44,0,2,1,2,39,18,2,5,22,205,70,4,0.07962714442349304,0.0,0.07770460660365511,0.0,0.0,0.07781072396069995,0.07058465910445402,0.0,0.07973508302294703,0.0824697073324561,0.17574106785140772,0.06367779862697248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054149188739105486,0.08349600374665317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055677150804231634,0.08158741936244811,0.13105271037625504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245671794274055,0.0,0.19415987267250948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835637754680411,0.07042373841132428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697509191642496,0.0,0.0,0.06357579550244723,0.1762118415442055,0.0,0.05135292076385228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125960608159328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303652326764773,0.0,0.07052601537059802,0.0,0.17761062903446614,0.1577789337306974,0.0,0.06708930346737126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506538512809549,0.0,0.04026187674850824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730705388195062,0.3075986712895934,0.0736140119248082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771827682611798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337239643890003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809563756164372,0.0,0.13128298843626707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651512540200534,0.0,0.05624300696073875,0.038901800642895314,0.07980731751376083,0.0,0.14093503418937028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186660669348388,0.0,0.1063034744351827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844780679975141,0.0,0.08024543307463741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355762699156171,0.0,0.05853511316793115,0.0,0.061413362637141825,0.0,0.0,0.07472468095075356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791482765610792,0.1816800944118472,0.16945779159541655,0.0,0.0,0.08622843780206492,0.0,0.0,0.13905470229691208,0.0,0.17481338598860272,0.0,0.17953528227837864,0.07626079338198255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510111876872523,0.0,0.0,0.08548975348391448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345252474438187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746782107017524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718068079035436,0.06657185820554545,0.0,0.0,0.0911540297375063,0.08709917199079177,0.0,0.07504764127059586,0.0,0.0,0.06400128246498107,0.2783905357383704,0.0,0.0,0.09245325193729567,0.0,0.10204371788680404,0.0,0.1264301164678208,0.0928624565157435,0.0,0.0,0.07608714884295581,0.0,0.10812320840103314,0.0,0.0,0.08289466554693055,0.09578165050976133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696615284914968,0.0,0.12774418444243216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370222526434118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565648387840661,0.0,0.0,0.0512772703302503
suicidewatch,ReverseCinderella,2018/04/11,"Need to Change Depression meds....but SCARED..HELP!!! I have been on Celexa 40mg for over 18 YEARS. It's NOT working and I really need to change but I'm so scared that I'll get even WORSE!! My Dr. has given me a month of Prozac but I never took it because of fear. This month he gave me a new drug Trintellix but I haven't started it yet either.  I'm SO ON THE EDGE that I'm too scared to try something new because if it doesn't work (or God forbid, makes me WORSE.....) then I just know I for sure won't make it. What should I do? Has anyone else been too scared to try other new or different meds??",-0.7494476744186045,1.3140454263565928,1.0923594961240326,101.59109738372095,90.86046511627909,4.46531007751938,14.2640503875969,5.985473137389443,-1.0123763565891468,456,8,114,4,16,148,80,129,0.249,0.73,0.022,-0.9874,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,4,3,0,10,3,0,2,2,19,23,10,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,11,1,11,16,1,14,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,10,63,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692890641978798,0.1420363510378064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900742815418335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932909639602753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939638009715872,0.0,0.0,0.14483225032183716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607594689817025,0.0,0.11580230424833185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155963910803158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599018965925945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242515595324288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291653658816136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618395408074588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850647775037192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397966786182968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212962118191096,0.0,0.0,0.205575417606663,0.106915134736521,0.4016508675909651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880588475307045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163594869732304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671928823343887,0.0,0.0,0.09811856047497948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306511862167799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401601896248146,0.18823277049073495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018393929962505,0.0,0.2825387638248625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926911067664127
suicidewatch,thrwaway66000,2018/04/11,"i dont want to get better ive gone to the hospital, therapy, group therapy, talked to my 2 friends and sister, reached out to one person in my environment for the first time in years, done self care methods, taken my meds, been avoiding my abuser, and i still want to die. hell, its gotten worse, or better if i really think about it. nothing is convincing me that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live. the mere fact that im ""trying"" makes me angry that im getting out of my toxic mindset. ive been in it for so long i call it home. and it is my home. all these people care about me and i just dont want to have them do so. i do not want more consequences if i survive anything. i cant risk another hospital visit because my selfharming is going to be found out and i love it too much to want to stop it, and everyone is going to do their very best to restrict me for the freedom ive been so depraved of. i dont want to live to go through another hospital visit. i dont care that people love and care about me, ive hurt them so much for being like this in the first place, everything is my fault. its not a matter of i ""think"", i ""am"". ive been studying the methods and i have a plan that i need to touch up on. ive already gotten past fearing death and permanent damage, all i strive for is to make it lethal. im buying rope soon. i just dont care if i matter anymore, because i dont. everyone should know and accept this. the worst part? i cant talk about it, or all i fear would happen is going to kill me instead. why help someone who doesnt want to be helped? who doesnt try enough and therefore hurts and disappoints everyone? i look at people who dont always get help but still want it and im alone. i get ""help"" but i dont want it. its stopping me from killing myself and it makes me more upset. living is not worth it. even writing this isnt significant or helping at all, but i felt like getting my thoughts out because it really doesnt matter in the end. might as well be an even worse person by whining. i dont know if anyone else doesnt want help even if theyre getting it. im a bad person. im a bad person.",1.4772308821868307,2.988206301762116,3.5050660792951547,90.66693606687001,78.49339207048456,6.41852479385519,22.87450581723709,7.2200825789825185,0.7158067999548172,1647,51,370,20,39,560,185,454,0.179,0.701,0.12,-0.9402,0,2,2,0,1,3,56.0,0,0,3,7,19,34,3,5,14,0,49,2,0,4,5,75,93,31,5,18,17,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,2,6,29,19,0,4,8,0,2,7,20,18,1,3,12,3,55,16,47,74,12,33,1,5,1,2,29,14,1,9,14,248,84,0,0.0,0.059685952328647686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052173145727421516,0.0555898925792338,0.0,0.0419159053324464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564483158816937,0.0,0.0,0.049958308742025226,0.035223261929214975,0.05161498030739387,0.04145420408047839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618267078025264,0.0921241113163299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052865290493298966,0.08910491101883262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051438347576301384,0.0,0.2568025518652491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228113451047451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155095479050557,0.5313504739030014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208171788176621,0.0,0.04461715939734494,0.052050679499025525,0.0,0.09981632733416056,0.0,0.0,0.14440596552251594,0.0452736612526914,0.0,0.0,0.1133714082145947,0.0,0.0,0.04836774970100425,0.0,0.0,0.08569763249020873,0.0,0.0552334159117622,0.0389194792169156,0.0,0.15791265986373626,0.0,0.11451673806102215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454630784346216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025911749149054,0.0,0.1010601509195126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785462393477777,0.0,0.3264808528260085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146460161244914,0.0,0.05536939326990226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922120811751962,0.0,0.1334457294664694,0.044580151395586166,0.04230218140822207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093052625588248,0.0,0.10087679784068974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055955095060925115,0.0,0.0,0.05343974840522114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406261252196031,0.03735230824335901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048336021065847855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03413529774487208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545510466426079,0.04808848826309303,0.10477072133537707,0.21992685198255893,0.05263098983898408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454282948300122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255194823583957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042682441522628616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045883036590404,0.08423124979700895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097878226550217,0.0,0.0,0.11521604777031234,0.0,0.0,0.06455633148319505,0.0,0.03999199890584868,0.029373976415795405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840242424630738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415645216629648,0.29712387931449485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529303418559227,0.0,0.04545546105703599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026725385743964,0.035784843579379964,0.0,0.0,0.03243974768407683
suicidewatch,twoyearstwoyearstw,2018/04/11,"It's April 11 Two years have passed since the things in my life really started to come apart. Fuck, man. I don't even want to admit to this but, shit, I'm not proud of myself for living through it all. It feels like walking through mud. I can make it to the end of the bog but I feel so horrible the entire time that I forget what my motivation even was to begin with. It's 12:25 now, ten minutes after I started writing this potmst because I put my phone down in the middle of it and almost fell asleep. I'm exhausted. I'm not any happier than I was at midnight on April 11th, 2016. A lot of days I just feel like a horrible person. Like the only real purpose I'll ever serve, the only thing I'll ever amount to is making people upset and making them hate themselves and me. It doesn't feel like two years, because two years is a long time to me and I really expected something to change for the better by the year 2018. If anything's changed at all, it's a change for the worse. It's fucking 12:31 now and my last recent Google search (aside from this subreddit) is ""reasons not to kill myself"". It's a good life. I think I can keep telling myself that for another two years. ",2.883131796433233,4.27797410743802,4.005467594606351,89.03107220530666,74.45454545454545,6.747629404088732,23.48064375815572,7.273561745256523,0.8127404958677689,922,26,195,10,19,300,134,242,0.171,0.716,0.113,-0.956,0,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,3,8,14,5,1,15,0,10,7,2,5,4,37,31,9,1,3,7,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,18,7,0,1,8,0,0,5,5,7,0,5,2,4,21,7,30,29,4,35,0,0,0,2,7,8,3,3,26,121,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203846409891598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929572080022177,0.1068513840796266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385529164712023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423499447189584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012256375938456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32339112266433145,0.08777811406934252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065717284827167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025344948046664,0.0,0.0,0.1346084178981517,0.18434937033544332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060954806543724,0.2183928549216948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841043184980405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546916475217309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060548241740777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905736980718123,0.11273762075368887,0.0,0.0,0.08306237190990014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395043759913828,0.19913342221721295,0.0,0.08997986100315418,0.09017858815217447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663201918735494,0.0,0.0,0.20405779078368946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499959021213428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064486050358168,0.0889754403593301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024379797981326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159848878578502,0.13055992534605573,0.1047705138744449,0.10061428556074456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459922755119593,0.08429300852608207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784478547986103,0.0,0.0,0.1442511604528872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890653825438501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539610680050393,0.06529361887737657,0.0,0.0,0.11883780735002016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39816727485506337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060103456592413215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384514498929504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281023678233244
suicidewatch,NationalCardiologist,2018/04/11,"I Don't Know What To Do Anymore 2018 is the year I started becoming very careless to my body. I’m legit putting anything into my system, and I consider myself very lucky to be alive typing this. I do fear this luck will not carry on, and sooner or later I’ll be in my demise. I really want to stop this from happening, I really do, but there’s so much on my plate right now, I don’t know how to handle it. My grades are dropping because I haven’t attended a single class since January. I take full responsibility for my grades dropping, but now I’m scared of the outcome. I know this is going to have major ramifications on my future. Being an international student, my family can’t support my fuck-ups at all. Sooner or later, I would be forced to travel back into a country I can’t even function in because I can’t speak their native language nor have I ever lived in a third world country before. This past week, I’ve been trying to keep myself sober, but when I am, I feel so fucking depressed. I really have no one to talk to. I spend so much of time crying at night wishing someone could comfort me and tell me everything is going to be fine, a physical person. I don’t know why I typed this, but I believed this belonged here. I really don’t want to die, but this fear of impending doom has been going on for more than a couple of months. I’m going to die as a failure and no one is going to notice me passing away in this country. I know I’m the maker of my own problems, but I feel like I’ve created so many that I will never be able to handle them. It’s exam season, and I’m probably going to be end up failing my coursework. I have no one to reach out to personally here. All these vices I tried to keep my loneliness feel occupied with have finally deteriorated my life. Sorry for my thoughts being a mess right now. 
",4.458645276292335,4.892380938502679,6.199799465240643,78.36871880570412,69.82887700534761,8.693226381461676,28.417557932263808,8.72156446121922,2.1020039215686284,1437,48,284,23,24,498,189,374,0.185,0.7440000000000001,0.071,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,2,1,15,16,1,3,11,0,37,3,1,2,4,44,67,21,2,6,9,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,2,14,9,0,3,9,1,1,10,14,10,0,4,3,4,48,6,46,52,9,53,1,3,0,1,7,19,1,4,22,202,62,8,0.09755841662033916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967517345588261,0.0,0.0,0.08028226436272394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165934384150268,0.07501640045936721,0.0,0.1189414105345469,0.1077456063816432,0.08301502702699934,0.10991492752692997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083654078944916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789245727073067,0.10794653239966498,0.10716333966711647,0.0,0.0,0.08402692128134989,0.0,0.20250046792863705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640780025344302,0.0,0.0,0.06443641408239358,0.08824717315785538,0.0,0.0,0.08767921425534307,0.0,0.09196939271292404,0.21956068310438412,0.14798540023703918,0.06969575232666365,0.0,0.10687047678985044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038236826024334,0.0,0.0,0.3326681783995921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627058562574726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342880646126746,0.0,0.0,0.2680777720076433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890839480409043,0.047662114494730415,0.0,0.08614586922880803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890892205405327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787019738476876,0.0,0.14343332286247065,0.0,0.07524306518321616,0.0,0.0,0.0915519652098023,0.0,0.0,0.11107090393508776,0.0,0.0,0.19832432380082654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313054762905074,0.0,0.17036849277866242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518447359867797,0.0933502291537075,0.0,0.09807315451891918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24999367925207164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662870948727493,0.0,0.0,0.09767299424034326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070133036920474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266092981338531,0.0,0.0,0.10920866018125992,0.06905234941429071,0.0,0.0,0.0815632046713279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070813506121878,0.0,0.0,0.0733517880037422,0.07841375983228722,0.08527035618745082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745048541566542,0.056887097275323935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247152196511006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099182171140589,0.11508496354818484,0.0,0.07825547717986059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880312967588486,0.0,0.11218736445871644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693027000793728,0.0,0.0,0.06282442172516711
suicidewatch,ParableAligner,2018/04/11,"Never thought I'd post here There's this girl who was interested in me and I fucked up big time with her; now she's with someone else. Somehow it fucked me up more than anything else has ever fucked me up before. I'm obsessed with it, it's been on my mind for the last 6 months or so, I keep thinking about it, and I hate thinking about it. I thought I was a perfectly balanced individual, but I'm not feeling healthy at all right now. Yesterday I saw her unexpectedly with her bf, it felt like a knife stab in the stomach. Every joy I have is dulled out by that single fact. I'll never be with her. I've had my fair share of relationships, and I always thought that guys crying over girls were weak, but here I am. What kills me is that the way I acted probably hurt her just as much. I know exactly what I did wrong, but as much as I try to rationalize it, the pain won't go away. Today I looked up ways to commit suicide and I can't help but think, what the hell is wrong with me? I've been seeing other girls, but I don't give a shit. How can I be obsessed over this single stupid thing. I realized I can't talk to anyone about it, just hoping this will help me get it off my chest.",2.8434971226206294,3.6758955298804814,4.186978751660028,89.8805920761399,73.7808764940239,7.171403275785747,23.904603806994253,7.3871296695380915,0.7312919876051351,922,25,214,10,18,305,144,251,0.273,0.628,0.099,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,1,14,22,8,2,8,0,21,8,3,1,8,43,44,15,2,1,9,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,21,11,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,16,0,0,12,5,34,6,32,28,6,30,1,2,3,3,18,15,5,3,11,146,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104388320905611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772081004685013,0.0,0.10323848964058877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786877580944045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675266917009613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780604495768764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096025284750692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348091566907292,0.10570095560977356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343364183278494,0.0,0.12045614038932215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479424142705164,0.06554487802093797,0.12034753430235998,0.07129877016233872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421983000226315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386049646149765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817921830174154,0.0,0.0,0.12460477714265145,0.0,0.0,0.13430180029706235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150985950232196,0.13879698542177854,0.0,0.0689465961329648,0.10226228605857396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612908062891841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053503116018973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667343600004874,0.0,0.10013670677867367,0.0,0.18444720928085664,0.0,0.19351672420067856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133492595551158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015087829843732,0.0,0.13526133417096176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346913467731639,0.0,0.10713758782701974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997111543416007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877739803709307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629732001160347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722702780368348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083569760252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334649665355921,0.2411588272008623,0.0,0.2987909421731382,0.07315361679644619,0.0,0.11891634161420996,0.0,0.0,0.08517547403918299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991601275622568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743299367803225,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ironknee1993,2018/04/11,"Trapped. I just don't know why anymore, don't care either.
Just want to go for good.

Close family and friends care, and I can't ignore that.
I never say specifics, to them, never put up a show either. People know I'm in pain mentally, physically too.

One of them gave me a mental health card with several numbers in it today.

I've been dealing with my own feelings mostly alone, and I don't know how to reach out, worried that I'll find an even darker place if I open up to talk and poke around to figure out why I'm like this.

I can't drink anymore for medical reasons, only 25 years old, living alone.

I just want to go.
Wishing for a peaceful death.

I don't know what's stopping me from making the choice, but something just keeps pulling me up every day.

It must be survival instincts that get me to work every day.
Need to eat. Need to pay rent. Rinse, repeat.",2.1071590909090894,4.026599943181822,3.2488636363636374,91.36204545454548,77.97727272727272,5.536363636363636,22.93181818181818,6.322622252153567,0.44175681818181856,674,21,141,5,16,217,111,176,0.1,0.8079999999999999,0.092,-0.4941,1,3,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,2,8,7,0,0,5,0,9,5,0,3,3,41,29,7,1,7,8,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,7,11,2,3,8,2,2,4,8,2,0,1,2,2,15,5,24,25,4,24,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,2,10,80,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599334228329323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488988158410743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111710055688859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25588476741390764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185749772102348,0.1293716110885287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292950959910287,0.0,0.12840455288717445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288299551054312,0.0,0.2114564589813704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829799767543965,0.0,0.06345000953337154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146928660692672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695096305464823,0.0,0.06556179048106853,0.0,0.14263433458363822,0.10525256160137217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338683791875153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153863224719446,0.0,0.0,0.2758575453360864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130662107668594,0.0,0.11080734075942396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376356259389685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641497424907938,0.25292280960469243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609407573643927,0.19356665707081971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167752195012666,0.0,0.08503325473800588,0.09543853601643697,0.13352704047299094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699690178947868,0.0,0.13110723098245247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614911834327874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902155996905373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979231774958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176461806835852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660604141420838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491277056409504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086171610719848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894702544408572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480309954073239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264650408609425,0.0,0.14430388402560307,0.0,0.0,0.09135604763481156,0.12743816362641333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080952886579484
suicidewatch,danny-sf,2018/04/11,"I feel like there's not a place in this world for me... I just wanted to put this out there, I feel completely alone and that nobody irl understands what I'm feeling. I barely have the strenght to write this post in a more detailed way. I just want someone to put me out of my misery, I don't have the guts to do It myself and Im afraid that if I try it I might fail and live with permanent damage, which would be even worse. I want to die!",3.3435087719298267,3.374202947368424,4.2481578947368455,92.80627192982458,72.15789473684211,7.596491228070175,23.201754385964907,7.1686216300943375,0.4821228070175438,340,7,83,3,6,110,63,95,0.207,0.725,0.068,-0.9467,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,20,15,4,1,5,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,3,13,1,12,12,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,2,1,56,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398891346994625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166299581475431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144318310289752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646603781180602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134094519679527,0.14760447656461906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231776583876424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094074928675638,0.0,0.18244319791720975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918390271281285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158667677301388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978782857853572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154065679629069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506265260274176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027676728225744,0.0,0.0,0.215091577096712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655973693784774,0.16399990244318088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055645261953865,0.1467720546552896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Firefly1089,2018/04/11,"How to let online friends know you won’t be around again? I have a couple online friends that I don’t want to just leave on offline, where they’ll have no idea what happened. But also don’t really want to drop the ‘I’m killing myself’ on them, especially as one also suffers from depression and anxiety and I don’t want to upset her as much as possible, but just don’t really know what to say to them :/ ",6.9905421686747005,5.300924891566269,7.572379518072292,77.73037650602411,65.14457831325302,11.191566265060242,32.798192771084345,10.125756701596842,2.916207228915661,318,10,67,6,4,106,52,83,0.225,0.6859999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8567,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,3,0,8,6,1,1,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,14,17,10,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,1,9,2,13,13,1,6,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33628444418952913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084581441663973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717305678292864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326450602526265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109380384694065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248876388268971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592932208903115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23735424303751454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326179072747578,0.0,0.2311031879753151,0.0,0.0,0.22263150658073752,0.0,0.2150017403450914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456288079744504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247539417439686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370328588425061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939167604310416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720458191039128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720445810113195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustACoffeeLover,2018/04/11,"Just want to put a gun to my head I dont want to have to think about dying. I just want to pull a trigger and be gone. Im not even sure I know exactly why I am feeling like this. Probably just a bit of everything; the trans shit, being a fucking NEET, just all of it. I feel like when the only thing that i like to think about is ""oh what game would be fun to play?"" then there's no point in living. I dont contribute anything to anyone, and besides my close family, everyone would be over my death fast enough that it might as well not have happened. Maybe there's even an afterlife. Who knows. I want to know. I want a gun. ",1.1101629072681725,2.750181864661656,2.750545112781957,95.0831610275689,79.97744360902256,6.5385964912280725,20.10588972431077,7.492282038375204,0.3393363408521304,480,12,115,7,12,158,82,133,0.123,0.722,0.156,-0.1436,0,0,0,2,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,12,9,2,0,8,0,13,3,2,1,3,28,28,5,2,7,6,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,7,2,0,3,5,2,1,0,1,2,12,7,16,20,3,10,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,6,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982554731089363,0.0,0.1174845367526546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558638716503062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816892532641382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33464218414564456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751579735392034,0.0,0.1885916476961558,0.0,0.0,0.1364193599503697,0.12830918449291512,0.0,0.13458740338317784,0.0,0.1443739064994723,0.2039846095703225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198518465830178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624780663669422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465194571867952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542121505071425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538194724332104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092452730318852,0.0,0.12606529748307016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434279817972282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145252996239325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858023802215984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496034138007115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392626568777093,0.0,0.0,0.1435196081972568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654760066009245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455558978889867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484761529725376,0.1829578173550222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210364436336349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836408893741924,0.0,0.12882441970895456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028342294319666,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cockatiel4400,2018/04/11,"There is something severely wrong with me. I am at a breaking point. I don't care about life anymore and I don't know why, but I don't really care enough to try and understand why. I already attempted suicide twice and I have had severe mental issues since I was small, I don't understand why.

I just failed a year of highschool, I'm supposed to be a sophomore but I'm a freshman since I was too much of an idiot to pass 5th grade math. I can't get enough motivation to do even things I want to do. All of my teachers despise me since I have an F in every class. I haven't had any close friends in my life, ever. The only people I've been close to is my family members. 
I was raped when I was a little boy by my babysitters son and nobody believes me.

I can't even kill myself without screwing up. Everyone I try to talk to shows obvious signs of discomfort, so I stopped trying to make friends in the sixth grade and completely skipped middle school since my family moved out of the country. I have severe abandonment issues and have had extremely weird and unhealthy habits when I was a kid and I don't understand why. 

I am physically unattractive and nobody even looks at me anywhere I go, I get emotional when people are nice to me since it is so rare and I don't even know how to handle half of the things people to say to me.

At this point in time I just want to end my life so I don't have to be in this place anymore. I don't enjoy life and I know it's because I am lazy, ugly, and slow. I can't even talk to people over the internet without them getting uncomfortable. I want to kill myself more than anything but I know that if I do my mom would be mortified and I don't want to hurt her. I have nobody to talk to, I can't talk my mom because she is deeply religious and assumes every mental problem is ""demons"". My father is divorced, one of my sisters left the country 5 years ago and I even have a hard time talking to her, while my other sister is in rehab after almost overdosing on heroine. I never talk to them.

I am contemplating on whether I should just end my life here so I don't have to keep living like this. I know I need help but I have a hard time talking to people in person especially about things like this. please help me.",2.782170880557977,4.226307634408602,4.2326416739319965,87.10085440278989,74.80645161290323,7.091543156059285,25.47079337401918,7.730073105063049,1.2895876198779423,1770,60,371,24,37,588,198,465,0.171,0.7070000000000001,0.122,-0.9799,0,0,1,0,1,6,37.0,0,0,2,3,23,21,6,1,16,0,53,8,0,3,4,59,77,30,3,9,11,6,2,2,2,2,6,1,0,3,11,19,0,3,10,1,0,3,18,13,0,3,9,4,72,8,54,63,5,45,1,3,1,2,27,24,1,3,19,258,83,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728755456475779,0.0,0.0647141741188112,0.0,0.07131702654331461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043948283435615916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818438263883494,0.0,0.0,0.05318216020161639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787915139148907,0.0,0.0,0.07281201309763242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178218958895008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775972860449811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269619224879692,0.11447991688389784,0.13355304423870246,0.0,0.2561114380928212,0.05845843210172265,0.1089013443391724,0.06175345671879326,0.0,0.0,0.12184835631455138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986065464719443,0.0,0.10129414568462827,0.0,0.036728768796913405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157854247353351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663565460366249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918407934511049,0.0,0.0,0.1349066962071069,0.0,0.0574430644303099,0.14299944797527056,0.0,0.1775853624779244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021695691424676,0.0,0.22823828655043102,0.0631465549390623,0.06477280070122239,0.05706644492903935,0.0,0.05427004180715517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04313873701023925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025676355631294,0.0,0.0,0.15137971436260542,0.0,0.06868781580247547,0.04750796464993519,0.04791978244334322,0.049843994540996715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379263607795485,0.0491514183298992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401963042074444,0.056429427770784725,0.06752101011884135,0.07094056637471385,0.1221859947620316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061838899053464964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140143531361426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139364202920168,0.0,0.0654055386356307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902888512003854,0.0,0.2672988308343845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975269061050497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403070593262736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069097777441624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36361072017092205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880506348081222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305281725857502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316315955813691,0.0,0.0,0.20183561424953333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247370055642226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326170800727386,0.0,0.0,0.12459541368937503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590886078366617,0.07065900855747546,0.0,0.08323478385378175
suicidewatch,Fuckeverything1928,2018/04/11,"Fuck you I want to die. I fucking hate everyone and everything I want to break everything and cannot not fuck up. I ruin everything I do and can never seem to do anything right. I want to fucking break everyone's back across my knee and burn them alive. I can't do wellll enough in school for anyone to be truly happy. I have insane anxiety on where I will go to college and how I will do in life. I hate myself more than anyone else because of my inability to ever to anything right. Why the hell was i born? I didn't want to be born. I want to break everything and am often filled with rage because of how much of a failure I am. I fucking hate how my family never shuts the hell up and argues about everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I hate that I don't have many ""friends"" and I'm unsure you could even call them that. My only true friend was my girlfriend and she broke up with me because I'm to much of a fucking bum. She was my everything and I, for some reason, am unable to let go of her. I am currently drifting through the motions of life and I am watching everything slip away from me. That maybe my one and only, my grades, my 'friends', my conscious. I will do anything that will spike my dopamine level so I am able to escape reality. After my girlfriend broke up with me all I ever want to do is drugs because I makes me fell gooood and allows me to forgettt. I have quit vaping(gayest shit ever I will come to your house and beat you to a bloody pulp if you do it) and am trying to quit jerking off and smoking. I am just a disappointment to everyone around me and don't feel able to maintain what is expected from me. Sorry if you read this. Utter waste of your time",3.2175648479427537,4.473889276162795,4.52581395348837,86.1801878354204,73.38953488372094,7.501610017889089,26.312164579606442,8.012643519586192,1.4884927549194993,1317,45,275,19,26,436,154,344,0.198,0.727,0.075,-0.994,1,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,7,2,3,14,25,16,0,7,0,38,11,2,6,7,54,63,24,1,10,4,0,1,0,5,5,3,0,0,0,7,23,0,0,5,1,0,7,8,20,0,1,4,2,61,5,49,50,6,37,2,4,1,6,19,16,9,5,11,204,68,4,0.14334055377984714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482756565061712,0.0,0.0,0.10022704803674948,0.07343466827520398,0.17693559353115498,0.06380174141311731,0.0,0.0,0.0673365843793291,0.05511001898617681,0.0,0.17475814229055114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318336592195164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061737597420654926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057222884233095926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438243213430112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311476738533641,0.0,0.059871319812468085,0.0,0.0,0.07405455469993369,0.0,0.0473375419473148,0.19448960594317213,0.0,0.20545206279168945,0.5153009883402535,0.0,0.06756435856052204,0.0,0.03623864544641647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661168344180387,0.3975480966316711,0.0,0.0,0.08146373999744529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629434245270715,0.0,0.2830382419421795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269787689540001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328771392976917,0.10124567221849944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047840466352844765,0.07266241167161352,0.07200242627588421,0.07806994239476184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537180000369034,0.0,0.11055307173985833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856563446195698,0.10901695032230607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246032308238816,0.07168967188470576,0.0,0.0,0.07368898131060142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241204972850975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725341465060714,0.0,0.06524592833323607,0.0,0.0,0.07356850929795307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022900724627667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417915148116137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048659413447725265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536379173351275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467127729469886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,areddittoshowoff,2018/04/11,"I don’t get how this sub works and I’ve never posted here but I think I need to What the hell do I even write here. 

Currently downing a strong drink mostly to keep myself busy. Excuse the shit grammar because I’m just going to stream consciousness here. I might delete this tomorrow so that I don’t have to look at it later.

I don’t know if it’s something I’d go through with because I’m scared of it not working and having to deal with taking off work or whatever. Which is probably a weird reason but who cares.",2.518089304257529,4.185864588785051,3.713956386292837,89.61076843198339,76.00934579439252,6.6247144340602295,23.10384215991693,7.3871296695380915,0.8433829698857735,409,12,86,5,9,133,76,107,0.111,0.75,0.139,0.4767,1,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,7,6,2,1,4,0,8,2,1,2,1,21,20,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,1,4,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,1,8,2,12,19,1,10,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,4,4,57,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590586180736225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166433301339167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906342401126827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815508949933265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034479926531648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101500697293032,0.0,0.2415210373632829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888670511560989,0.0,0.0,0.1167765824206101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784344700946572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254137463186253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575554523748657,0.16388206931786686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035025618301371,0.0,0.2290955206501473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184706865770974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273525172855476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811351508621105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358187112541392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597628004248315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361522552264886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640763556385718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Im_Futur_AMA,2018/04/11,"maybe I should do it Waited almost a decade for mental problems and life to ""get better"", and they didn't. All the people who talk to me about suicide do it in a very limited way (platitudes etc.) or they eventually ghost it makes it look so fake. Sucks that (a certain subreddit which I think got my post autodeleted) got banned they felt more real in a sense. I'd prefer to talk to them, if anyone knows where I can find such people (specially on Reddit) PM me.",2.890467032967031,4.859065450549451,4.017678571428572,86.51794642857145,75.8131868131868,7.187362637362638,21.26510989010989,8.07648339933343,0.9982186813186816,360,9,72,6,8,117,70,91,0.218,0.7609999999999999,0.021,-0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,4,2,4,6,1,0,5,0,5,1,0,1,2,19,15,5,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,10,3,9,10,3,6,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,3,0,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046916324444864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696571317583235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589088684728294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23441099613231856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180983929890872,0.0,0.19210459479407666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981259450551537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33620708752299466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551176586622396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845935019559314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650183200086586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029961759688406,0.0,0.21115832772298426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181628604496205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914305856916086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129840921899408,0.0,0.0,0.2011179392608122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392356893257302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299074529452809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33787627368744433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346775792019137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342401681268985,0.0,0.16683447273083993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaynumber9109,2018/04/11,"Anyone else terrified of surviving a suicide attempt and ending up with permanent brain damage? I was planning to hang myself and then literally a day later I saw that news article about that guy who tried to kill himself by hanging himself from a tree, police found him and resuscitated him, and he now has permanent brain damage and his mom has to take care of him for the rest of his life. That sounds worse than death honestly, being trapped inside your own head for the rest of eternity, having to have other people take care of you because you can't feed or bathe yourself. ",16.89277777777778,8.74779531481482,14.729629629629633,53.57833333333335,54.185185185185176,17.733333333333334,52.66666666666667,13.023866798666859,6.526422222222222,466,18,79,9,3,149,78,108,0.228,0.684,0.08800000000000001,-0.9657,0,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,3,0,3,2,6,1,0,5,0,7,5,3,0,0,9,13,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,2,13,3,17,9,3,9,0,2,1,0,14,1,0,1,6,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063506909012954,0.2060818880489696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260723974471865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490561423819459,0.0,0.0,0.4101317441487259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971248448035558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680186608959368,0.0,0.1781418571357958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205291286890095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915074160170415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641784132011048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252101438493774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420643667196951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355615219094719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943851143252947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000403924561274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024500959610334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655435545895492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496908527504795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dinosaur202,2018/04/11,"School makes me want to die! D: My teachers hate me (at least so I feel), some teachers give me a new thick packet EVERY SINGLE DAY, I barely have any friends in my classes, I take 16 exams in a year, people call me gay and stay way from me mainly because I don't like the ""cool"" stuff like Fortnite, I'm under a ton of pressure to get good grades, my teacher threatened to give the class assigned seats at lunch if I keep sitting with my friends, my entire class thinks I'm weird so It's either sit with them and tolerate them or get beaten up because one of the kids in my class beat up one of my friends and they broke their jaw. My teachers give detention for the littlest things! (Like being late to class a few times, the hallways are crowded and teachers like to hold students back because a few students are being jerks, and also talking in class will get you detention in my homeroom.) It's just so stressful sometimes and I contemplate suicide. I've talked to my parents and they do their best, they have suggested talking to the teachers but the last time they did this my teacher hated me on a cellular level. PLEASE help! ;-; I really don't want to kill myself but lately I've been considering it a lot.",7.388040446304046,6.257648079497908,7.087960251046027,79.71916492329152,64.02092050209205,9.30557880055788,35.816248256624824,7.793537801064563,2.63376959553696,957,38,185,8,12,302,135,239,0.139,0.752,0.109,-0.5767,1,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,1,8,3,6,19,5,2,14,1,12,3,1,1,0,24,29,15,3,3,6,1,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,2,3,34,10,26,24,10,26,0,1,0,1,25,13,0,4,13,121,40,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972336919243797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268384977716682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349348629548564,0.0,0.22235631943845466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759885823778916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415470262490225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841404986720871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261889040741849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244293624190166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061478427402852635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818152174109747,0.0,0.19057376694505426,0.3499141908117272,0.0,0.10198204878079548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400854915397235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149771607223354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807279235499667,0.1345188474986378,0.0,0.0,0.09911025676366678,0.27431259033491884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376065618206035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336956997721228,0.0,0.0,0.0811607774341583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743022131852107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478203286917567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500882434378805,0.0,0.0,0.08429364708171645,0.0,0.0,0.1334668540997082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789223583772029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305330967171547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025340880159582,0.0,0.0,0.12959637996610826,0.0,0.0,0.13927837426649353,0.0,0.13918890156809166,0.13299728066657665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141886766736887,0.2931829200827249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077750852308238,0.07790853045931967,0.0,0.0,0.141797607374704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343122832368768,0.09651070859336093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829853439535812
suicidewatch,snazzeropath,2018/04/11,"Over it! I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. What's here for me? I get to grow up and get sadder. That's my legacy! I wanna carve a hole in a tree, crawl inside it, and sleep until my body decomposes in the dirt! I'll provide nutrients to the forest and not have to worry about anything anymore. ",-1.4924242424242422,0.4767794545454542,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,95.36363636363636,4.1454545454545455,14.90909090909091,5.82211442006289,-0.7553818181818177,228,5,54,2,9,81,42,66,0.108,0.8540000000000001,0.039,-0.6451,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,14,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042271624198392,0.0,0.0,0.33541798567189457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527488994114656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259057069399349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078918288772142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139350128495001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4got2savepass,2018/04/11,"I tried to kill myself last night and couldn't do it, but now what? I went to the top of a parking garage at night and tried to jump off. The key word is tried because I got on the ledge and no matter how much I tried to force myself off I kept holding on to the side. I cried and begged myself to let go, but nothing. After an hour I got down and screamed at myself for being such a coward.

I'm still alive though and have no idea what to do. In still jobless, my house has no running water or power, and I had to ask a friend to get me dinner tonight. My life is still fucked and I'm too much of a bitch to follow through on my one means of escape. I can't live like this, but I can't bring myself to kill myself either. What am I suppose to do?",2.509545454545453,2.7941618170731712,3.6794235033259435,95.23763858093128,74.12195121951221,5.963636363636364,21.006651884700663,3.1291,-0.40274878048780494,574,10,141,0,11,187,93,164,0.231,0.6970000000000001,0.071,-0.9865,2,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,4,0,9,0,14,4,0,1,0,21,27,14,2,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,8,2,2,2,0,0,6,6,5,0,1,5,1,21,2,27,19,3,27,0,0,0,1,2,11,2,1,11,103,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443425410710277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412040493968124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960042560161204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192885475342962,0.14273970241593525,0.08066728285954401,0.0,0.08774870339045736,0.0,0.24697451463309816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520522491006219,0.17815610898646642,0.0,0.17429806197171568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416399883906716,0.0,0.0,0.1258560699848342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578837866267785,0.1090568203883984,0.07543171879944219,0.0,0.1363374464664049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818614561823167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270025614962529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897866436876463,0.0,0.14815033146759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462498906888587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699105385184154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169656819960706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193080688818832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431297355860345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BaconMoon,2018/04/11,"Getting your family used to the idea of your suicide. For reference, I'm a ~30, male. 

Suicide is a shock to a lot of families, is there any way to broach it and get them to understand it from your side before it happens?

I would love if there was less stigma and that we had assisted suicide services in my country.

I feel the only reason I have never actively attempted my suicide is the hurt I would cause to my family, but if I could find a way to explain it to them, so they would also understand.

I know here, your first thought is to talk people out of this, but maybe breaching the subject with family will help. ",7.391951219512192,5.940692382113827,7.850528455284554,75.29091463414636,64.20325203252034,11.452032520325206,35.94715447154472,10.504223727775694,3.6036569105691054,485,19,95,10,6,161,77,123,0.131,0.82,0.049,-0.809,0,0,0,0,0,4,14.0,1,4,3,2,5,3,0,0,8,0,12,1,0,3,1,27,24,8,4,6,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,10,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,17,1,16,16,2,7,0,1,0,1,13,3,0,3,2,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122084314767972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607437220063482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770479075150116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002592904117613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105870120039563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477289211480543,0.0,0.06399940323103041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156859555620552,0.10766341924527537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225893885293724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192859540729384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483960006226325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354996311661026,0.1428861609274794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956152728787593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760832816102348,0.11423759427192025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716016992568185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762134496955772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626490831467344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775018062915875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301387171204933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538037945073276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173504601797194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004852810875241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26353511333700946,0.0,0.10931893047105937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093642652584764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26974271085168466,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idkwhoiam98,2018/04/11,"I don't want to live without her Ex gf of 2.5 years and I broke up 2 months ago. People keep saying time heals all wounds but it just feels like it's getting harder and harder. I think about killing myself everyday and the only reason I haven't yet is my mom. I know it's incredibly selfish but I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this. I know it sounds dumb since everyone is saying it's just a girl but I honestly think she's my soul mate. We were so happy and we had the best times together but now life just feels pointless. I gave up everything to be with her and now I'm just left with my family who I was really excited to move away from to be with her. It's all my fault we broke up and I feel so guilty, ashamed and just broken and hopeless. If anyone can help or feels similar please help me out here. I don't really want to do it but some days the urge is so strong and I'm scared it might become too much to bear in the future..",0.8680582524271827,2.7338690582524308,2.6328252427184458,94.53195631067965,81.71844660194175,6.255922330097087,17.581553398058254,7.365786028017652,0.03104349514563154,750,15,176,11,20,248,117,206,0.195,0.634,0.171,-0.5943,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,3,0,0,2,15,16,2,2,5,0,16,3,0,2,2,48,33,20,1,3,13,2,4,2,2,1,3,3,0,1,10,16,0,2,10,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,7,26,7,19,26,6,19,1,3,0,0,18,7,1,4,13,112,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259856559386056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937743489677288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353155982154086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696641805485032,0.0,0.0,0.1491519148582697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916591719628907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358069795490904,0.12773321030628812,0.0,0.13398324655293828,0.0,0.2874516369894901,0.10153446589371316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074254693326063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129520820180176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905274165713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25265530031293204,0.15724077759033894,0.0,0.2343253282168192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544197416361054,0.0,0.1003874243186804,0.13887065357743633,0.0,0.2509987920096074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507726663337494,0.0,0.16645563556228435,0.11344319612826252,0.15105688477386275,0.20895715078793847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809282619325812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853190730904024,0.0,0.0,0.15601108923704507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209843392387426,0.14612865661011445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226047760331738,0.14229239187994155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175676594686031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213652790131266,0.0,0.0,0.16574901181987767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765857195277029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700388365202165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152414447079384
suicidewatch,AutumnLittlebyte,2018/04/11,"It’s gotten so much worse My suicidal thoughts and tendencies were for a long time only held back by the thoughts of my family grieving over me, but at this point, the thoughts have become so overwhelming that i could not care less what my family thinks. I am scared i will hurt myself or even someone else simply on impulse. What else can i hold on to? I’m running out of options/distractions.",5.691710526315787,6.623099486842108,5.553789473684212,82.3175263157895,67.28947368421052,9.237894736842106,30.989473684210523,9.3871,2.6603873684210533,315,12,60,6,5,98,61,76,0.234,0.7659999999999999,0.0,-0.9583,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,14,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,6,0,9,1,10,6,2,10,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506354105080053,0.0,0.0,0.22271683466408032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560507904900766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100852842292662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33692090942065955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331940546206781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802128498576054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158804334190087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846211973227993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824277632318866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533709719441046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906332046089756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189612217058686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086525619631596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058252513022752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921512599182622,0.0,0.4802848357604776,0.11758914970055186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550803775528687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccount6754,2018/04/11,"Here's a different one. Most of what I've seen while lurking here has been a more pessimistic outlook on life, along the lines not having a job and friends. I'm Having a different issue. I don't know what is real and fiction anymore. I have these confusing delusions about killing myself and waking up in a new dimension where I can be something better than I was here, or waking up ""matrix-style"". I've been looking for help but at this point I don't know how to tie myself back down to this reality. Trying anything I can includes posting here so please. I don't want to kill myself if I am just crazy.",3.937594123048669,5.274924173553718,4.7690358126721755,84.81698806244263,71.72727272727272,7.03067033976125,28.320477502295685,7.3871296695380915,1.5886135904499539,479,18,93,5,9,155,84,121,0.104,0.767,0.129,0.7021,3,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,2,1,6,0,15,3,2,1,0,16,21,9,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,2,11,2,14,16,2,12,0,0,2,0,2,8,0,4,3,71,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860891862664565,0.0,0.0,0.16480090804247546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399130819137527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711798565037276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184682885142384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472412648512066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423330768636113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902447316596465,0.19873196244894994,0.0,0.4431267700777045,0.0,0.22012064858188726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145298623062147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681720361755904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341704025123016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570464538973875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983066711240906,0.18931501475793697,0.0,0.1917983681727417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794524308156555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417366573835328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596668755493815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181213973305806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,8Petrich0r8,2018/04/11,"Patience is wearing thin It really is. The people who say they'll be there is busy right now. I'm home with my grandmother but I don't feel close to her at all. I feel so alone. I want to get in that bathroom and just ""go down the road"". I am so tired of missing him. I'm tired of putting myself down. I'm just tired. Might as well put myself to sleep...",-1.4144155844155826,0.590101064935066,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,96.79220779220779,3.838961038961039,14.792207792207792,5.565023196281405,-1.0791454545454546,270,6,68,2,11,88,56,77,0.251,0.6970000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9659,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,8,5,2,0,1,11,17,5,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,4,10,1,11,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,1,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646047017669145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158883237412967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414911588377854,0.0,0.11329190167439482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995848423611184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114726920916166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382001671937018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007919566737404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770499780877428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023885598719588,0.0,0.15852650742680674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948816210518866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6873504930315703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175783728749776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792343743760779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SolaceInDeprecation,2018/04/11,"Things to do before you go? I'm drawing up a comprehensive list of the minimum I need to do before taking permanent leave. It can be hypothetical, anecdotal- I don't really care. There are probably some logistics I'm not aware of myself, and I'd like the extra perspective. Much obliged.",3.2183333333333337,6.0644163888888905,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,79.55555555555556,10.266666666666667,27.51851851851852,10.125756701596842,3.8949851851851855,231,10,39,9,6,81,43,54,0.078,0.8340000000000001,0.087,0.1167,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,12,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,11,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584078980943274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345378071622879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864768192335507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34742920980454345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030170757565074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412042229121598,0.2432950763421545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537663174842617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020056543891533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24670363443541804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217986783710684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no2dchances,2018/04/11,"Idk The constant feeling of melancholy is getting old. I want to be happy but it’s like my brain won’t let me. Today I had a good day but here’s some background:
- I work directly and only with the guy I dated (he broke my heart making me feel used and not good enough for him). 
- I feel static in life. I don’t make the amount of money I wish I did and I know it takes time. I have a lot to be grateful for. I feel like I’m not good enough at anything. 
- I’m away from home and my family (mother, grandfather, and grandmother). This has been the norm for over a year and I’m still struggling. 
- I have no friends here where I live now. I mean I do have people I could say I’ve hung out with but no one ever reaches out to me or asks me to do anything. I’ve been told I’m an alright person so sometimes I don’t get why no one wants to be around me. 

So, basically I don’t see the point in trying. It’s more bad days than good and I can’t ignore that I feel worthless. I’m just a spot in someone’s peripheral. Things would be better if I wasn’t here because no one is looking in my direction anyway. I keep thinking of ways to do it and I’m scared. I’m scared of myself, scared that I won’t succeed and the consequences will follow suit. I just don’t think I deserve to be here when my entire life started from being an accident in the first place. ",-0.03394974226804237,1.9797180996563601,2.149002362542955,95.85226643041241,86.21649484536081,4.874613402061857,19.059385738831608,6.158741222570753,-0.1941469931271476,1041,29,243,9,32,350,153,291,0.16,0.677,0.162,-0.1128,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,4,15,19,0,4,13,1,31,4,2,3,1,45,63,17,0,6,9,1,5,2,1,4,2,1,1,2,8,14,0,2,9,0,1,1,14,8,0,4,6,8,37,11,30,45,6,30,0,2,2,0,9,14,0,4,16,162,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541411341947966,0.0948796594391582,0.09963881922096222,0.0,0.10013632938854808,0.0,0.08899065774225276,0.0649707698312858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426220641786938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897961053837065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517616457560548,0.0,0.08509623166878455,0.0,0.0,0.13747181636197686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202532650120943,0.0,0.0,0.09640858889655314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004750526939307,0.0,0.26945270319733744,0.07614146599209433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065771831147937,0.0,0.0,0.08234419274254136,0.0,0.1113683153178412,0.0,0.0,0.3575802424681152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553191655953212,0.0,0.11345742402509265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629896216653286,0.0,0.0,0.10690940260950088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473406289760494,0.0,0.0,0.058574113569751625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898626251761433,0.150562581632057,0.10414015628678257,0.0,0.09411294882794882,0.0,0.0895011713773041,0.0,0.0,0.0906113289990036,0.0,0.0,0.1422872496716901,0.0,0.0,0.11609792119759928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183879876685346,0.0,0.2166660700541521,0.08105963011810098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738898245386054,0.09306239165215327,0.1113544286494053,0.0,0.1007534663043244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847574648883529,0.3201184313689636,0.0,0.08493123370213053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030570969032918,0.0,0.10541130422207576,0.0,0.07543855886596065,0.0,0.08511570001442716,0.0,0.0,0.1114215706558414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013562498857682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080766034064356,0.13658556356255602,0.0,0.0,0.06214822048661552,0.0,0.1010262970136651,0.10184268389859512,0.0,0.07236148221308861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205173748178548,0.0,0.0,0.12572843459863411,0.08459901274821795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617274747229493,0.0,0.12256285513124555,0.0,0.0,0.07759221525625729,0.0,0.0,0.07571206286032321,0.0,0.0,0.06863465004064176
suicidewatch,AlwaysFalling_,2018/04/12,"I’m afraid of failing I want to kill myself, I’m goddamn sure no one else would miss me. My parents have another smarter, more successful child, my boyfriend is popular with women and could replace me in an instant. And friends? What’s that? However, I don’t want to fuck it up and end up in some mental hospital being treated like a psycho. 

I’ve already failed pretty much everything. My grades are shit, and I’m headed nowhere in life but the drive through window at a shitty fast food chain. There’s not a single college that would want my uninvolved, lazy ass.

 At one point I had dreams. I wanted to travel, and teach English to grade school students in another country. But I think I’d be doing the future generations a favor by leaving the world before they’re born.

But back to my main point. I’m going to fail my suicide attempt, just like everything else. I’ll survive pills and hanging and probably be the “lucky” .01% to survive a bullet through the brain (though I don’t have access to a gun). I’m going to end up not getting what I want and revealing to my peers who I really am. What I really think about when I’m smiling and awkwardly trying to converse with them. They’ll all know I’m a fucking mentally ill freak. 

I can’t talk to a suicide hotline, because talking to strangers is my worst nightmare. I especially couldn’t let a stranger know my darkest thoughts. My failures. Things not even my family knows. Besides, years of therapist after therapist haven’t done jack shit. Why would some phone call do anything?

Honestly, I’m home alone for the next hour or so. I could slip away pretty quietly. I’m not even scared of dying at this point, I’m scared of surviving. I don’t want to be fixed anymore. I just want to pet my dog one last time, and peacefully fall asleep.",3.3359377021905914,5.4611531289398325,4.150788427765972,85.3553424530918,75.01719197707736,7.253942138829838,28.73657454478233,8.155646560271837,2.0751707366669745,1418,61,270,24,31,454,199,349,0.21,0.636,0.154,-0.9864,2,1,0,1,0,3,45.0,0,0,2,8,10,25,5,4,16,0,27,12,6,0,2,47,56,17,4,13,10,1,0,2,1,4,3,1,3,2,9,12,1,0,7,2,0,6,11,15,0,3,3,1,31,10,38,41,8,34,0,4,0,3,12,15,5,4,15,159,40,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291187304718264,0.09899654257024522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188136234527488,0.0,0.0,0.08896760919384962,0.0,0.0,0.07382318418981329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428492490640925,0.06898098343798086,0.0,0.054686011458372714,0.0,0.0763360834349113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001453478558127,0.09160331724552824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325129630409966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310418347741738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918038523492576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498813680840805,0.0,0.15891178466830394,0.0,0.0,0.1185044119792991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125003037646451,0.0,0.08457002890944744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108476950413651,0.0,0.06930925213819264,0.1658697708936776,0.04686945362804083,0.0,0.10196782731955276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206771524379223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998583257198328,0.0,0.08834567851590579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925014842288382,0.0,0.14790580383258795,0.07312512615842671,0.0,0.0949892909390221,0.0,0.09173392921648134,0.06336439514041307,0.08765495306219012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081193038289534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594672370470406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540695393796524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236821297315772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961166114403187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544131104078074,0.0,0.0,0.18253340136501375,0.09672189530305736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494026467870674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796294985302725,0.09079069198067967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417079924113086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962550243545811,0.0,0.08455003835668938,0.0,0.0,0.1442100190139259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083190321548916,0.0595989324858576,0.11496430954144984,0.0881390201420825,0.07121923498069507,0.0523102667010721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090678709403684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703904573603594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094877102288169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118093018760504,0.0,0.0,0.05776990588707105
suicidewatch,lux-caster,2018/04/12,"Does anyone else hold funeral rituals in their mind of themselves? I noticed that i make funeral rituals in my mind when im feeling really down. 
Ive struggled with ideations ever since i could remember. 
Sometimes I lay down on the ground and pretend im having funeral rituals. My room is filled with bright colors and flowers because i imagine that when i die it could be a beautiful moment too. 
Ive always wanted to be beautiful inside and out side, so i want the last time people see me to be beautiful too. 
I just need words of encouragement please. The ideations wont go away but i safe at this moment.
This is my first reddit ever.
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suicidewatch,xgrape01,2018/04/12,"i wish i were dead i would never actually take my life, but i wish i were dead.

i wish i would get into a car accident, get run over, get sick etc

my life is hopeless. I'm wasting my time and everyone else's. theres no point in trying, I'm a realist. nothing good will happen, never does

im 25 ",-0.4832967032967019,1.3662039230769238,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,86.69230769230771,6.175824175824177,20.05494505494506,7.447530270364453,0.5988021978021982,225,7,53,4,7,82,43,65,0.385,0.502,0.112,-0.9742,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,2,10,16,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,10,1,3,11,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.17482577148919176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677646110315036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965787636721842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998009938073002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711866912180855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280797392743152,0.0,0.0,0.15026356388551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842285361505076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351408627446487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25307964386040965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27634496774554906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190045057286787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935583259533565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469944001227396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446453120568737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163193503451905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6180452684372619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545278075990143,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MediumRareBeef,2018/04/12,"I feel miserable Disclaimer:
Writing on my phone, but I'll try to make paragraphs. Also, I'm not a Native English speaker, so please excuse any mistakes/weird sentences.

So. My dad passed away from cancer 6 years ago.Mom was diagnosed with cancer shortly after, but thankgoodness she beat it and is alive and well right now. Ever since then I've  not developed any social skills whatsoever, I'm 20 yo now btw. My social skills are worse than an introverted 12 yo with no friends. Never talked much to begin with, now, qI, mostly, just speak when spoken to, and answer with short answers. The two exceptions are my mom and my brother with whom I live. 

 My coworkers always point out that I am quiet or ask why I don't say much during drinks after work, and it is true, I always keep my mouth shut during those after work drinks, I mostly just listen and laugh along when something is funny. I like my coworkers and I know that they are not trying to make fun of me, but I can't help but to feel like shit after they point out I'm quiet.

Anyway my hardly existing social skills, caused me to push away my old high school friends and make it next to impossible to make new friends, heck I can't even have one decent conversation with even my own cousins or other family members. This eventually led to me thinking I am nothing or at least a failure of a human being. 

Oh I also withdrew from university last year and just dropped out of another degree programme last month.

I usually have episodes once or twice a week where I feel like shit, want to die and cry myself to sleep. In a good month I only have this once or twice in the entire month. I'm not sure if this clinically classifies as depression or if I'm just a overemotional 20yo. Most episodes happen if I haven't been out of the house in a couple of days or after those after work drinks I mentioned earlier. I have good days though when I talk during those drinks, but they are very rare.

In bad weeks I feel like shit and think about suicide for 2-3 days. Those are rare too though. Don't worry I love my mom and brother too much to actually go through with anything I think of during my episodes. I can't bear the thought ofmaking them cry/sad. My life has been mental torture for the last couple years though. 

I have thought of and wanted to tell my mom on many occasions, but... I pussied out everytime. It's been 6 years since the start of my mental health decline, but my mom and brother will get me through it all. I hope I have more good days ,or at least less bad days in the future, though I don't know what  the trigger for my good days are or if I even have triggers for good days. I hope, that, when you read this you also find someone or already have someone to be your anchor. And I wish you the best of luck getting rid of your negative thoughts. Just like I'm trying to do :)",4.722488801791716,5.589602299645391,5.094874953340798,84.97026315789476,69.44326241134752,7.8517357222844355,27.25345278088839,7.94452939551167,1.5162453900709219,2243,70,453,27,38,712,262,564,0.14,0.695,0.165,0.8356,0,0,5,0,0,2,62.0,0,5,4,8,32,31,4,1,17,0,35,16,5,8,5,98,72,51,2,9,31,9,5,5,3,1,6,6,0,1,19,28,4,1,15,5,0,4,14,8,1,4,7,11,64,23,67,62,13,71,0,2,0,1,41,24,4,20,47,293,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.05691662290521174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170144475002279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436290282555332,0.1399270420493289,0.0970618656228576,0.0,0.0,0.07932577206926708,0.061158672143858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799636741768392,0.0,0.054525844963879834,0.0,0.10959619983821096,0.0,0.09739759754734087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612083131841833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059915669127232736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907063525539686,0.06406708960188663,0.2633028423622363,0.0,0.0502350926298616,0.05919847709659254,0.06053196766500628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854452478882445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556900505708345,0.052758150010813805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054983461152602116,0.0,0.1179631507840702,0.12500181563173396,0.0,0.0,0.05330784011494229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518486235365956,0.0,0.06094463525749569,0.0,0.03314734631486898,0.24460051081753875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157645661716903,0.0,0.05224759361167156,0.0,0.0,0.0619965693848491,0.0,0.0,0.03909390568251647,0.06162338762226375,0.0,0.1158594374357454,0.0,0.06729902567798117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184179084758291,0.0,0.0,0.06410760505538081,0.14262756860528267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041196553951654516,0.14247283490019272,0.0,0.05150189551630795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264043833995527,0.0,0.15572911394564626,0.0591322255479084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175554257026431,0.0,0.0,0.3415466935992769,0.13966297416627027,0.0,0.12862638813242447,0.0,0.04498370631214033,0.056330486518595776,0.062029120873934036,0.0,0.0,0.055964249659248816,0.0,0.061202100247541615,0.12422808585008198,0.03952241585182089,0.04435866321184948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640231512904185,0.11027163762549512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583406158675305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049809088136527034,0.0,0.046382247663785466,0.0,0.05902784414183763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796088067386337,0.09649380804696632,0.0,0.05836695383595901,0.1783644646525928,0.09883688234017347,0.04490130542849916,0.0,0.0,0.04128261652621549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379790007614411,0.0,0.054970464234010905,0.0,0.0,0.09375858185833527,0.05097847423583563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211659252906836,0.2292154065691343,0.1389102057918881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879619784807745,0.0,0.05697488626616048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423656275179483,0.04812409495073144,0.06880299451635978,0.0,0.0935693248063072,0.0,0.0524410288040517,0.0,0.05262908933912271,0.0,0.06707067877226318,0.0,0.0,0.12738351776583262,0.05923169839557312,0.059437986983854614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023711908777235
suicidewatch,_Not_Not_a_Cat_,2018/04/12,"My younger brother wants to take his life. He’s already attempted to do it twice. I don’t know what to do, or how to help him. He tried to kill himself yesterday and called me just before he was going to do it. In the end I sent me his address I went to pick him up. I’m losing it even though I’m suppose to be his rock. I’m falling apart, and it hurts. ",-0.3354113924050637,1.3731375316455718,2.003022151898737,98.29035601265824,85.07594936708861,4.9626582278481015,21.26740506329114,5.985473137389443,-0.0711151898734177,271,9,68,2,8,92,52,79,0.149,0.818,0.033,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,8,15,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,3,0,1,3,0,12,0,10,11,0,9,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,1,2,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31089706930892025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397322573724743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28767876262347186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495299676600793,0.0,0.0,0.18608061164559586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011417093153782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888382930377756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015987703604976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116935144604161,0.0,0.1548319424478993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899487634841764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31518482881644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182658550150352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767991926030096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127679731968555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617219248788656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26116737984188115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,let_me_go_away,2018/04/12,"First time for me that suicide is a realistic option. First of I'm not a native english speaker but I will try my best here. 

For the last 6 years life has been pain for me. Depressions, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Mental Breakdowns I've had it all. Today I woke up and I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm done with life and I lost the hope that there will be a day where all this pain ends. I can't find an answer to my problems and I don't have the strength to continue searching for happiness or peace. 
Suicide comes to my mind more and more often now and it feels right to think about it. I am scared of doing it but I really don't see another way out of all this. 



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suicidewatch,kaijuthrowaway,2018/04/12,"Out on the edge. Not sure how to start this.
Been dating a girl for 4.5 years.  Things were good. I was happy, and a year after we started dating I got hit with a medical illness. Random pains in my body. I went from loving Disney songs to dreading the next day.  My anxiety and depression got worse. Feeling your body fall apart everyday is a shitty Feeling. Through out our relationship I contemplated suicide as a amazing option. I wrapped a belt around my neck, to amazing relief. It's hard to explain this feeling. Just amazing. It wasn't an attempt I was wondering were my state of mind was. Look in the mirror and it's a genuine smile. Comfort smile. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I kept getting worse medically and wanted to run away. I choose to drink the pain away and forget it. Through out that. My depression was numb and my gf stuck by me. On multiple occasions I felt so bad. Id say the wrong things when I drink. So if break up with her so I could suffer alone. She always came back. Me, I'm the kind of guy that  Doesn't like to deny people who want to be around me. In 2016 I tried to kill myself. Took 2 2mg Xanax bars, drove down to rite aid bought  2 pints of whiskey. Started drinking at as ideas driving home. This is it for me. I'm done crushed up 4 or 5 more bars put them with rum and coke.  Rook.2 10mg valium pills. Decided to play my favorite game till i fade away. Spark up a joint listen to music and proceed to piss everyone off because I suck at the game. I remember getting lethargic and needing to throw up. I don't and just go.lay on the bed to watch tv. I fall asleep after downing more then a pint of whiskey. I stay asleep for 2 days. Woken up by my girlfriend, parents were gone. Came to the realization she could have found me dead. 2 weeks later, I decid that breaking up with her was the best thing to do. I'll be happy knowing I'm not being selfish keeping her around. So I do. I keep it a secret why I was breaking up with her. I don't like pity. She comes back a week later telling me she misses me. Wants to be there for me. Not even  a day I found a fentynal dealer. Tested it will a kit it was the real deal. I decided I'D try something different. Started anti deprsssents. And those reacted badly. I'd say things I regret.every now and then. I tried to leave a couple times during this. Anti deprsssents numbed me. I started drinking with it. So I decided to move with my parents to go cold turkey off them, stop drinking. Force myself out. Force myself to bring my mind and body back. I was done feeling like this. 
When I go cold turkey  I knew I would have a badd day because on detox in off 30 mg off lexapro.  I quit drinking  I just need a month or 2 to bring myself back. 
  I have a badd day and she leaves.  Saying that she was thinking about this for years even though a year before I tried to break up with her and she came back promising me that she wanted to be there for me. I'm crushed.  I tried to leave her because of how depressed I was an anxious only to have her say nasty things to me in the end and throw me away when i trusted her. 
 I'm at that point where I want to kill myself again.
 I honestly after 4 months am over the relationship.   But the words she said sting.  Why after me trying to let her go and her coming back And the and do I have to feel like I was abandoned feel like I did the right thing trying to let her go what I felt so bad.  And she leaves after me trying to feel good but just needed to detox off everything.
 After that a friend got upset.  Hacked my things  And posted naked pictures of her on her social media.  All because I told him I'd give him back his items but I just was too depressed to log on.
 Now hes threatening to post these pictures to all of her friends and he lives in another country and there's nothing I can do and he wants me to give him all of my items are he does it.

 I really just want to go home right now. Find a place to jump or find a place to take the fentynal I have
  And have all the pain stop food I don't know what to do and I don't know how to feel",0.683657332166522,2.934846131828984,2.2032111513939263,95.0529089886236,85.3064133016627,4.922935366920865,20.027053381672708,6.2854280297806415,0.02221691211401433,3161,94,695,29,95,1023,339,842,0.134,0.792,0.07400000000000001,-0.991,3,1,9,0,0,3,87.0,2,1,2,3,42,48,4,2,42,0,54,32,7,4,5,128,133,51,4,14,16,2,11,5,4,2,12,7,3,2,36,47,12,6,30,16,1,25,9,24,0,0,41,22,120,24,123,80,9,135,1,8,2,1,66,49,2,7,58,458,156,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047888858500344175,0.0,0.0,0.03847390896969309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848481264336989,0.03537211713085548,0.05223603537429223,0.0,0.03233084344312739,0.0,0.0,0.12348547543394005,0.0,0.0,0.17376934551757198,0.24888039738246925,0.11582096463497403,0.11274557615896096,0.0,0.039345325610092026,0.0,0.04852416661321953,0.0,0.0,0.15408073975905048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586526412103253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966027677599169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383492371544567,0.051161718761638594,0.0,0.1490991562590203,0.04766958177103782,0.15929966880589153,0.0,0.0,0.04830910595845962,0.0,0.0,0.04046338408216362,0.09463551967588704,0.0,0.2717751565711598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095334493016299,0.0,0.0,0.061079825762001785,0.0,0.03895770052491961,0.04418260743846416,0.04155593701115718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703549518321647,0.09909779592221486,0.0887918981735484,0.0,0.08452180368848185,0.0,0.05591144768193549,0.1013956587133226,0.07144707903423825,0.0,0.04831513043853658,0.08871184131149548,0.15766949994476498,0.0775648621772894,0.1109428023341493,0.0,0.0,0.04578311433957489,0.0,0.09844290497432953,0.0414203693201542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276142352413892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219733019897566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219732143397274,0.10231149492698263,0.048149998138679914,0.10164528140225307,0.0,0.0,0.19583842467654528,0.0,0.0945634397812169,0.0,0.11294831075889117,0.0,0.04082920160550568,0.0,0.03882846532386682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173180517023231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931602984819668,0.0,0.0,0.09337485655988086,0.0,0.0738138233799382,0.04914391780893999,0.0,0.10285517841723567,0.0,0.0,0.049174879025029136,0.0,0.0,0.04436682590284061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03516625524304908,0.14760220084411507,0.0,0.10268415841941578,0.0,0.0,0.03205576469819677,0.0,0.09661821191691924,0.0,0.04371007007455641,0.0,0.08856688016780384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648218926557423,0.0,0.04918004603964761,0.0,0.05262922521489705,0.029621392243354423,0.0,0.0,0.09928510334871246,0.05237889763982916,0.07897438651238414,0.043983142368518816,0.1470819760551563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047134049556505,0.0,0.035596446175657236,0.0,0.0,0.16363827545123186,0.049283797839526036,0.0,0.07731445644298242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050577115620763606,0.0,0.0435789817842333,0.0,0.0347653923204896,0.037164535426935146,0.0404142484708536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503036433203648,0.02962758887351482,0.04542882330872527,0.0,0.02696188202869158,0.0,0.0,0.04418260743846416,0.05137237157349349,0.2511417680602114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090753012158615,0.0,0.07417903337942294,0.0,0.0,0.04286329971292899,0.0834456160263382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050143384841041534,0.0,0.0,0.094241407204936,0.032846309854174284,0.050554242676684666,0.0,0.1191036089520761
suicidewatch,Wolf161,2018/04/12,"I failed I have to confess 
I have cheated on my gf two months ago and I don’t know why.
I’ve failed. The only promise I gave her.
She was the best thing in my life but since we broke up my life started falling apart.
I can’t live without her
I miss her so much 
I can’t sleep because I’m still thinking about her. I sleep 3 hours at night. My grades dropped and work efficiency too. I can’t do anything about it. I don’t have the strength. Everything hurts 
I miss her so much and I can’t take it any longer.
I just wanna hang myself and end it all.
It’s too much 
I have no one to go to.
No one to ask for advice.
My family hates me and I have zero friends.
I’m hopeless.",-1.3938590604026828,0.5901860402684598,0.8577818791946328,102.18197483221479,94.63758389261744,3.7853691275167782,17.51711409395973,5.341637118332708,-0.8090244295302012,516,15,131,3,20,171,85,149,0.193,0.682,0.125,-0.8852,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,5,8,13,2,0,3,0,13,4,2,0,1,14,25,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,9,9,0,4,2,0,30,4,13,23,5,16,1,7,0,0,12,5,0,0,7,87,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742361572019032,0.15187545161015925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651161312411085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409916108234996,0.0,0.1601722614978013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444237714271133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980232954979086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174926918360246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539821248407564,0.0,0.16151653080521342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237065308386256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737190547749357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691548469403328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872747579169545,0.0,0.1834144147817348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941595686204436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420336710682369,0.0,0.0,0.15128926625043798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675554185689012,0.0,0.3778461294659852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078344515380155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321979505695407,0.13030568179856575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172757401243194,0.0,0.3429114027975663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126964843792372,0.0,0.13682593056473175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882031703422386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138253461532694,0.10978260669293294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673664367397928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546004516867424,0.0,0.0,0.16515790267533526,0.0,0.12473171289452893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tragiciannn,2018/04/12,"Someone I know attempted suicide, and now I’m getting thoughts again. Title pretty much sums it up, but someone I know recently tried to kill himself and I’m finding it hard not to think about taking my own life.

I’ve been having such graphic and intense thoughts for a few months now, worse than any I’ve had in the past. When I got the news yesterday that someone I know attempted suicide, my thoughts have intensified a lot. 

I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve been alone in this for so many years and I just don’t want to fight it anymore. 

I feel stuck. There’s so much I want to do but I feel like I can’t do it. I feel like it’s pointless even trying anymore. ",2.1512350119904085,3.8529687697841735,3.2742625899280604,92.21892386091127,77.12949640287768,6.072182254196644,26.691247002398075,6.816661863887847,1.0118772182254192,525,21,115,5,12,169,79,139,0.205,0.705,0.09,-0.9672,0,1,0,0,1,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,11,4,2,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,0,23,29,9,3,2,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,11,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,4,14,2,13,21,5,12,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,11,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738089889803704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676954568053947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822486682437282,0.09950015343852008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939884548018054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21585495250745915,0.20331969619092494,0.0,0.0,0.13006051714515549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434638846482691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381109264455637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747372675523533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743495002947594,0.0,0.2346146903099651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051139006940583,0.1390421412407696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097920392973655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442708580599424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358328410310775,0.0,0.20921518639591108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358423865007118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447712541454768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050504981043727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617134741098232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113083500958587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699262691132734,0.11437613695282127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118072171899258,0.0,0.3389132473399311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932260482221051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678656090480911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501685509145712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163716519381596
suicidewatch,MetalGear777,2018/04/12,"To the person who scammed me for my game account. I hope you are glad you piece of shit!!!! I hope you die happily with my account and all of my items you son of a bitch!!! I hope you and all of your fucken family members die and burn in hell for all of eternity you son of a fucken bitch!!! I hope you're glad that you caused someone to commit suicide!!!
",1.8581531531531537,3.1742803108108157,3.4118918918918912,92.56801801801802,76.97297297297297,6.5549549549549555,23.144144144144143,7.1686216300943375,0.634025225225225,269,8,62,3,6,89,41,74,0.251,0.519,0.229,-0.7405,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,8,0,0,0,10,4,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,4,13,5,3,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,16,6,12,5,5,2,1,0,0,0,13,1,4,4,1,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237453854060686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089123663843947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571523509975627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7826667223508051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201388286178268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022189404487465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669185101806162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154873804438762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ntzi,2018/04/12,"Need help.I don't want to kill myself. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

So,I'm 21,been facing really hard times since childhood from being bulllied to messed up home enviornment to resigning from my first job within 5 months last year because of same type of toxic people at work.I was still doing okay.But 2 days back we had some glass door repair work at home and called a man who takes work for installing glass door.To give an idea, where I'm from only rowdy people or corrupt politicians could survive,either you yourself have to be a badass asshole type criminal or should know someone who is involved in those type of acti ities ,especially a politician,otherwise there is no justice for a simple/common/mango man.
Coming back to that day when the incidemt took place,I'll have to go back to 2 more days back from that day.Before calling in this man, let's call him(Y),we had called someone else to perform the job,let's call him(X).But (X) did not make the glass door as per our expectation and was not responding to our calls afterwards,so I went to his workshop and took back the advance money deposited with him.Now we call (Y),someone who we contacted through another shop nearby our locality.He comes in, took the advance money ,took the reference picture with him, which I had clicked of the glass door which got shaterred which is why we are getting a new one installed.He promised to install it by the next day.Next day he sends his people who were to install it but to our surprise the glass door was exactly the one which was made by(X) and which we had rejected.Upon inquiring with the people who brought it with them,we got to know that it was indeed from the same workshop i.e. (X)'s because they get their work done from X's workshop.
After this my mother called that person(Y),to inform about this because it did not match the reference picture we had given him and how he  could send this glass door without even checking it and he started giving round answers and told my mother he will come within half an hour to our place to look at the problem.He then called his people on the phone who were infront of us and called them back and instructed them to leave the glass there itself i.e. our home.After this when again my mother called him to know when he was coming as it was already late ,his tone of talking had already changed and stared saying something rude and started lying,upon which I took the phone and asked him strictly whether he was coming or not and what he would do in this regard,to which he told me he will get a new one installed as per our reference photo.After this he sent his worker to our place to take the other glass door with him for proper size reference and design(mind that glass size is not too big),and we indeed gave it to him in a hope for the satisfactory result.Next day his workers came with the new glass along with the old one they took along with them.But we were shocked when we noticed there was a crack in the old glass which they took for the reference purpose.We immediately called (Y) and he arrived few minutes later and asked his people(workers) whether it was during the time  they were installing the glass cracked to which they replied no.Right after this he started shouting loudly that he isn't going to pay for it,and started behaving really ill mannered way and became aggressive while walking towards my mother,to which I came forward and started shouting on him as well and that went  for several minutes and I don't remember much of what he said bevause I literally was not into my senses,meanwhile my mother kept telling me to calm down and not to stoop to his way of cheap talking.Even then my mother did not raisd her voice and talked to him with patience telling him not to raise his voice as this is someone's home not road.After that I told him to finish that work off and leave that old glass and leave the place.I paid his full amount cause that way he got to know his real value because it was not at all about money,we were really calm while talking and would have had even paid for the glass that cracked due to their mistake.


What really hurt me and kicked my nervousness,anxiety and fear is,after all these years of coping with the bullying I had at school,someone dared to shout and get aggressive in my own home where I thought I was safe.I feel guilty for not being able to protect my mother's dignity and respect because of the way he talked.What if he would have had caused her any harm ,what I would have had done then.I feel powerless,feared and isolated today.The person(Y),had mentioned about working at a property dealer's place nearby our house who has two wives and is involved politically.These are the kind of people due to whom these (Y) type of shameless creatures do crimes in the broad day light.

Now again I have gotten into depression and extreme fear that if in future he becomes powerful(Y) and tries to harm my family in any way,what I will do then because I cannot be sitting at home forever.My mother has suffered for very long in family for different reasons.After he went away I could see her sad although she did say while smiling that don't mind these type of incidents or people and not to get upset about it.But I fear for my mother,family, even myself.Also this incident has literally shaterred my self esteem and confidence that someone really dared to behave that way in my home,took out his frustration and I could not stop him from doing that.Why is these type of things happening with me ,I am lost.What should I do.I don't want to live in fear all my life.There is no rule and law .I don't want to go down the path of becoming a criminal,because I feel that is the only way dealing with these type of people.
I have no more motivation left to live.

Please I need answers.",9.118670654702557,7.269450348795723,8.140247678018575,75.85050410172991,61.123104371097234,11.075832152664814,36.61018698291093,9.528655866942456,3.2324230851305735,4655,164,881,64,51,1440,414,1121,0.093,0.8490000000000001,0.058,-0.9898,5,1,1,0,0,1,113.0,19,1,9,12,29,28,5,5,45,0,86,2,1,6,4,150,157,63,1,20,24,8,5,0,0,9,1,9,11,4,68,71,0,3,20,1,9,28,25,20,1,7,63,19,101,8,137,76,13,133,0,5,5,0,135,42,0,8,58,551,169,18,0.035163115414366536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760674449201838,0.02811993069278523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047824248552751435,0.036871592440475866,0.026899687046311117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574553248153395,0.0,0.033036904430774894,0.16222959158440045,0.0,0.15004576149052198,0.07766979669899149,0.02992122133180012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43086566772070667,0.08043447294640754,0.0,0.0722444113129618,0.03719791364568362,0.15144955187227693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229954563851734,0.0,0.0,0.18141840376246354,0.036251627984995365,0.030285939781376142,0.0,0.0,0.03673797152040072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196815088361695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029374270896283538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289962439979753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944596732660173,0.19784140384580215,0.05333858306071945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029909728008374336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185638249969387,0.06746332880650867,0.05995202647289166,0.0,0.08436946682578153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031094626832952336,0.0,0.03149924467152829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023569095055588324,0.0,0.24690030250056974,0.03492490768492458,0.03462858561294155,0.04057351409793231,0.03764284231193057,0.039694877233701256,0.0,0.0,0.06978793258208336,0.0,0.038902777357018185,0.03661697365807707,0.07729891454729293,0.028662632221205124,0.039665525784906654,0.1116979862122738,0.03820482778359637,0.0719133357702952,0.0248367483140333,0.0,0.0,0.062099350258047935,0.03111825062300235,0.029528160891151605,0.0,0.03838469424081182,0.0,0.0,0.03327219001363562,0.02347165258515569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100944538216387,0.0,0.028066863248057992,0.0,0.025848935749474132,0.05214600905907038,0.0,0.1018822679473088,0.11218911648007712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003343995881605,0.1106933236640813,0.0,0.09530974813341764,0.05348626756658257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950214142335282,0.06140615215047297,0.1836898576020036,0.07719708287918772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03364635256908261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002332352720888,0.11263196068736282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398329551247896,0.030029108435870543,0.03344817503146973,0.05592624144322799,0.0,0.035586950068475995,0.028020450401350355,0.0,0.03668279816770236,0.03972431163535826,0.0,0.029087292436372512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876156149182162,0.02707028416036684,0.0,0.0,0.12444317036925215,0.0,0.028081309391961,0.02939793898649205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287657337579218,0.08478834064478738,0.06146822549841119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023360811425030496,0.0,0.0,0.027915585880900567,0.0410077907448014,0.0,0.03333052189765238,0.10079959098190054,0.3125401203533473,0.023873447198838733,0.0,0.034349254359331415,0.0,0.04229689832327548,0.0,0.0,0.029013252796207614,0.0622203495488976,0.1953759101533725,0.0,0.0,0.03161586367791072,0.09778968081988884,0.0634584847774661,0.0,0.0,0.03389598846074958,0.0,0.1791941676863953,0.0,0.0,0.09991547324519266,0.0,0.0,0.045287786917655434
suicidewatch,Seprevec22,2018/04/12,"Gonna do it soon I don't even know wh I'm posting this. Attention, probably

Anyway, I already ordered some highly toxic seeds on ebay (colchicum autumnale, aka meadow saffron) that should arrive in 5 or 6 days. Soon this will all be over. I'll make a final post once I recieve and consume them.

Until then, do what thou wilt
",2.6697395833333317,4.852919828125003,3.8731250000000017,86.29270833333338,77.28125,6.141666666666668,26.291666666666664,7.1686216300943375,1.3895604166666673,255,10,48,3,6,83,56,64,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,6,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312321457015184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357727070411213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982517249385123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288087437872841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31713372162286924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649591507380614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035799465190302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196587912142645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749373560463863,0.0,0.3236214122813071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pixiis_,2018/04/12,"How do I help my suicidal friend living across the country, and what are you supposed to say except for those ""just keep holding on"" & ""it will get better soon""s you've already heard a million times? I have no idea if this even fits here but I'll give it a try. I am trying to help and support my friend (who lives on the opposite side of my country) who cuts herself and has suicidal thoughts, but I just don't know what to say. 
I feel like those ""it will get better""s and ""just hold on""s won't quite make it, they're just meaningless since the person obviously just can't/don't want to ""keep holding on"".

TL;DR What DOES matter when trying to help a suicidal person (who you can't help by physically preventing cutting/similar since they live far away)?

Edit: Me and a couple others did help her to get involved with a psychologist, so that helped her a lot, but her appointments are just once per month and in between those I can tell she gets ""very low lows"" if you get what I mean.",4.871538461538464,5.735947216494846,5.071237113402063,85.28395321173673,69.10309278350515,8.237272006344172,27.80967486122125,8.384062270229773,1.7254992862807297,776,25,158,11,13,244,120,194,0.146,0.7020000000000001,0.151,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,1,2,11,8,1,0,9,0,13,0,0,2,1,36,29,14,3,3,12,0,1,1,2,3,0,3,0,2,17,7,0,6,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,4,20,5,18,23,1,14,0,2,0,0,28,11,0,3,4,102,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304330205297352,0.0,0.0,0.12081047777490783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475815826004978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722582599465535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337290941447245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757462297601456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364486566504337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637787823361753,0.0796558031761071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228963809224096,0.0,0.2912714015098446,0.10696120289766878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484176164361473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587021402306933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821309637059192,0.0,0.0,0.0612776231838184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054473391625860484,0.0,0.29537029910642243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479352799720883,0.0,0.0,0.07442728483514195,0.0,0.0,0.1214564631712155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899843834231383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187441307001286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471544068540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859424413236233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733895329920335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844683233437188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658895393837577,0.1265291660114069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745613588312746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851874635412993,0.0650166943113645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271040585938665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199938615413003,0.06576573821857264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dickgrayson1899,2018/04/12,"Dealt a shitty hand - life fucking sucks So I want you guys to at least understand my background:

- I am coming from a Vietnamese family (immigrant background)
- childhood was kinda rough, I am culturally adapted but people obv. still point out that I am not a true part of this society
- my father is addicted to gambling and used to steal my saved up money to feed his addiction ($1000 to be precise, I was ten)
-somehow I inherited that trait, I can't drink or play video games in moderation, so I have to completely abstain from it
- I also inherited scarring alopecia (folliculitis decalvans) from him
- But the worst of all is that I have body odor, like ridiculously thick body odor and shit breath. I smell like shit or mold and bathing or changing up my diet hasn't worked. I consulted doctors all over the country and nothing helped. I am a very clean person usually.
- Due to this condition I can't hold any jobs (gotta life by the financial aid of my parents), not even talk about having a girlfriend
- oh I also have a small dick but that is the tiniest (yikes) problem of mine
- *My life has no future due to this*. I can't ahve any financial foundation I luck out and win the lottery or rob the bank with my body odor or something lmao.
- I can't have kids because of my conditions. At least I am definitely not intending to forward those genes.

Now the contras:

- I have really good friends (like more than you would think), they are loyal, smart and winners in life. I don't even know why they are friends with me, guess I have a personality.
- Due to wanting to escape from real life, I joined a music forum back in 2010 and also happened to make friends there through IRL meetups. 20 of us meet several times each year. Hell, I even travel with some of those guys one by one and some of them are very important friends of mine now.
- I am not dumb. Got my A-levels.
- My sister looks up to me. We are really good friends and we love sharing time together. I can't do this to her.
- My mother would go through fire for me
- Which is why I just can't off myself. I would sadden so many people and some of them lost loved ones already and I don't want them to experience that pain again.


It's a tough situation for me. And I know this sounds like a pity party, but my life just has no fucking future besides being a financial burden. It is like God created me with -50 on every stat on my character. Some people like me, strangers don't because I stink. I can't have jobs but have supportive people around me. I just can't keep living like this.

",2.9338755020080365,5.033243672690767,4.0091325301204845,86.03004417670685,76.12851405622492,7.237911646586348,26.12690763052209,8.167268648758528,1.6883587148594383,1991,75,396,35,45,645,249,498,0.13699999999999998,0.6409999999999999,0.222,0.9944,3,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,3,2,5,3,21,42,8,0,18,0,46,25,8,3,4,71,70,28,0,7,17,4,4,7,6,4,10,1,2,5,17,23,3,3,4,6,5,4,18,17,0,4,4,11,69,25,56,60,12,38,1,2,1,5,37,20,8,13,23,269,86,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956106183433747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582087745986999,0.18657737612589254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577222383237997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923158538240205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059800154358841374,0.0,0.09481546256644033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25915405482936194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227010705435182,0.06699177252007865,0.08154012649067473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960065720561335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618476946722963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540986031665639,0.0,0.06552438723781408,0.0,0.0,0.07607376003365685,0.07331441987143504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004236653197458,0.14379380241549536,0.0,0.0,0.04419835373054102,0.13045919027231592,0.06219959120996795,0.0,0.08567217188927446,0.1540086027932016,0.06877155269322352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212743897055762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434899761632503,0.06912534681180105,0.0,0.0,0.08548046586113997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32958654006359017,0.2659606766627289,0.0,0.0686721336362923,0.0,0.06530702180698934,0.0,0.08489489315233648,0.0,0.1403805114400014,0.0,0.051911926817094035,0.07884634253416016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462219386154101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580964309641352,0.0,0.08275252076780833,0.0,0.08635412856514751,0.08421708465347483,0.0,0.21566307158661333,0.13581113068155745,0.0,0.0,0.07351757211453468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441516893160742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851902670182454,0.09964261492462624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785770626898007,0.15965910710613074,0.0,0.08741648234722857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987097010543035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210704051599635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825221584747027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250839700536928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983172980215167,0.0,0.0,0.09069635912305388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096107552954132,0.09354746038362,0.06716811338425302,0.08565241681697937,0.12833641350290872,0.13761187971737174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403502461422294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661732037484805,0.0,0.0,0.16573624448199525,0.0,0.0,0.05008118349673255
suicidewatch,TenDuct,2018/04/12,"I’ve started having suicidal thoughts again I’m so fucking pathetic for feeling like this but I’m fucking scared and honestly don’t have anyone or anywhere else to turn to

Sometimes I’m so utterly miserable I fantasize about jumping to my death, but i feel so weak and selfish because if it. 
I mean, I have a mom and a sister, but we’ve never been close. I have a boyfriend who I love with all my heart but he doesn’t love or care much about me anymore. I have no friends besides an old childhood friend I haven’t talked to in many months, much less seen in about a year.
The one thing and only one that makes me hesitate to do it is my cat, funnily enough. I don’t want him to stay somewhere or with someone who doesn’t really care about his wellbeing, so whenever I want to end it all, my fucking cat is the only thing that stops me. How fucking pathetic is that? I literally feel like I’ve got nothing else in this world but my pet.

In the meantime I alternate between wanting to make myself hurt and bleed and a deep apathy where I just give up and let myself wither away

I’m so scared of being honest with myself, it disgusts me. Why can’t I just fucking face that my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore? He sometimes treats me like shit and I know I’m no perfect partner, but it hurts deep down in my soul when the one I love treats my like dirt. 
Why can’t I just accept I’ll never get my shit together and get an education? I’ve struggled with this my whole life and recently went back to finish high school (and did so in the end), but I have no drive, no passions, no interests, no talents. I cannot see a future for myself.

Why can’t I just do what’s right and what’s good for once? I hate myself for what I am, and deep down I know I’ll never shed these feelings completely. Why am I not even able to end it all when I have close to nothing to live for
",2.2326796313651966,3.88373588402062,3.5933926897844417,90.24126679162762,76.75773195876289,6.764885973133396,25.41736957200875,7.576466943178032,1.179913058419244,1465,53,318,20,33,480,175,388,0.209,0.598,0.193,-0.8057,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,21,39,9,4,13,0,28,17,4,3,7,58,67,33,2,4,16,2,4,4,3,0,3,0,1,1,21,19,0,1,9,0,0,3,20,17,0,3,6,6,48,22,37,59,8,42,1,3,2,10,17,19,7,4,23,209,69,1,0.08015915917743427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899269299081514,0.056049147890146526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531216872536252,0.06163744547784016,0.0,0.04886427942414754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345521021860862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404535330571561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339253833881992,0.0,0.21299166759673488,0.08282583932420368,0.0,0.05294436863766002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212351757342286,0.11453143866583278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386153507418805,0.3705292549602767,0.08375970444584564,0.07689596966472231,0.0,0.06723369959248415,0.06411060227274347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914057428573341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498898957656328,0.0,0.08469255271419096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162407558121426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810675508160133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196817120812018,0.056618784714992924,0.15664686471427114,0.0,0.07078200613754954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893870831206345,0.0,0.1070137223940188,0.08126880592838934,0.0,0.08731682380697875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388143842180993,0.0639822760924408,0.0,0.11785241045296024,0.0,0.18547105563915167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382975027045284,0.0,0.084113553334764,0.08536688841202178,0.1629537623819238,0.12192930532898208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135200996164342,0.0,0.07914749921469802,0.0,0.0,0.0684554839553242,0.0,0.0,0.16050660442998646,0.08112534858082805,0.06387647162309065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456444995513292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791859544473652,0.0,0.15855891618175075,0.0,0.05673706544271605,0.08543899816764193,0.0,0.06701664636188409,0.0,0.08379975759164683,0.0,0.0876811097821148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442889577183834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065083670469066,0.0,0.0,0.06363741852191508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719014690304175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418398468051536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430834363773223,0.28932469279200435,0.08949483857299834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161987038899959
suicidewatch,Aggroslothkid,2018/04/12,"Same thing everyday I wish there was somebody, but anxiety makes it so talking to people is impossible I'm 18 and still in high school sadly I've given up on that I live with my parents still and don't know where life will take me. I want to end my life every waking moment it's been the same for about 4 years and people always tell me it'll be okay or it'll change over time but those people could not handle me. I Fucking despise the people I live with who get angry at my depression.. what am I supposed to do when I have no friends and nothing soon I'm just gonna be homeless then that's it for men could give a shit less to what happens to me.. ",1.332988378527947,3.1747986906474845,2.9267625899280567,93.12331488655231,80.07913669064749,5.4280022136137225,20.764250138350857,6.297961479604792,0.09404881018262312,514,14,114,4,13,169,95,139,0.151,0.78,0.069,-0.9279,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,3,1,14,5,2,1,0,19,27,10,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,14,2,15,16,3,17,0,2,0,1,7,7,2,1,10,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697420360296172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593125324401522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414254208232455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628659303107271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417840417910921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458014523844005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386965906637408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718238167821286,0.15218539992767213,0.08600538249187101,0.15791524879063185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556992129637664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392648263477056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046898172629073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325471546421813,0.0,0.0,0.290718958557827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988286297413008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795407347924914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278726023419228,0.0,0.0,0.4564977105786881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166600794036745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897658076272692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629260688701979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377120114815228,0.13231259257769945,0.1438821696768064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936395856525888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598926694519584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970951394649266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930097316772235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600769728974163
suicidewatch,FilthyCriminal,2018/04/12,"For many years now I have occasionally had suicidal feelings.
Any time you want to do kill yourself, wait 24 hours 1st.
It may pass.
Do not forget that most who try and fail find new reasons to live.

I do not really know why I started to post here... I know recently I feel like killing myself again.
But I will not. I have responsibilities.",1.606363636363639,4.221351681818184,3.182045454545456,86.94306818181818,85.21212121212122,6.330303030303031,21.88636363636364,7.6454224807358475,1.0139454545454551,265,9,55,5,8,87,52,66,0.226,0.7,0.07400000000000001,-0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,16,15,2,3,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,9,1,4,12,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508625691103471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434353329831405,0.158486492327651,0.0,0.0,0.20276279710057968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847316155793145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908784238300342,0.0,0.2438410051583525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083825210435219,0.0,0.19589366908041925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491654932977667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142597971315188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246669580648087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421199284249169,0.22809415513085246,0.2190456991227003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570234093228583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426630049292941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935991369475114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061855384781878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085024254361555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018108668907889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286124906245692
suicidewatch,Jesse_James281,2018/04/12,"How to over it I lost my left eye in accident , it's cross-eyed and it makes me ugly and depressed .
",0.34090909090908994,1.8216558181818208,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,81.72727272727272,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.1987454545454552,76,2,19,1,2,26,19,22,0.444,0.556,0.0,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565180540282021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5758841812455557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785954157532409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35380223431568913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,necessarilyvariably,2018/04/12,"Only thing stopping me is likely failure of an attempt I very much want to end it. Fucked up my final year of college, have no prospects or opportunities, am in terrible health and completely isolated from my friends. I've come to see ending it all as a pretty viable logical option in the face of all this. I would feel some guilt for my mother, but ultimately I feel it's the right choice for me. Only thing I'm worried about is my attempt will fail and that'll just add  on to all my problems. I wish I could be 100% certain that I'll successfully go through with it.",6.70342105263158,5.903486535087719,7.242807017543861,76.9763157894737,65.2280701754386,10.056140350877193,34.78947368421053,9.2995712137729,2.956273684210525,451,18,90,7,6,149,82,114,0.189,0.6609999999999999,0.15,-0.6003,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,2,10,1,1,4,0,9,3,1,0,4,23,18,5,0,5,3,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,3,12,5,17,13,5,12,0,1,1,1,2,5,1,3,6,61,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613718854971824,0.2143882464037091,0.0,0.0,0.16325672476123052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622084848130868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067775032543252,0.0,0.0,0.22399247148848386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797695087814462,0.18903393010498376,0.0,0.0,0.11620790840084355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173474638906268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989620279354508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503127217489015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110250469126791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802468134821653,0.0,0.19565505058307245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462061356937789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294017692944113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709503348878748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716883342193772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871336742270382,0.12060470857171365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351362676551071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765438404013487,0.0,0.1452532405383459,0.0,0.0,0.13167525695357826
suicidewatch,musubisexual,2018/04/12,"I wish I hadn’t been born My head keeps suggesting ways for me to end it. I have pills in the bathroom, vodka in the kitchen, and a belt in my room. Honestly though, I just wish my parents had used a fucking condom. It feels like nothing has ever gone right for me. My parents never even loved each other, I’ve been depressed as long as I can remember, I can’t figure out if I was meant to be a boy or a girl, I’ve never had real friends or a relationship that lasted, and I’m failing classes to set me up for a future I don’t even care about. I feel like I’m finally ready to end a life that shouldn’t have even started. ",2.247089552238805,3.184981320895524,4.07779104477612,89.69370149253733,75.34328358208955,6.852537313432838,25.34029850746269,7.1686216300943375,0.95182328358209,483,16,110,5,10,164,82,134,0.094,0.759,0.146,0.7003,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,0,9,0,14,7,1,1,3,22,28,8,0,4,4,2,2,2,1,1,2,0,2,2,5,4,1,1,5,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,8,2,16,6,15,18,1,21,0,2,0,3,8,7,1,3,13,73,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776837471871566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332778690148346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274108519232263,0.0,0.0,0.3066141597799451,0.1399717495977395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564830135242035,0.22109345928267732,0.0,0.16951078523344645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955221893927212,0.14305520946719708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880851849502345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375405727025857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261342580211845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929787592682506,0.15119690108195474,0.0,0.0,0.13694057904234705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965945076780015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386910107579808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847779799185806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34364229174631605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761287022659237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613351551104574,0.17529095725337496,0.13214764374620191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952620707819632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203187320661715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364621239983726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282590134490495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35588815197414586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinybabyfawn,2018/04/12,"Bye After months of going to my doctor, taking several different antidepressants, counselling, seeing a psychiatrist, and just waiting for something to happen, I know that for me there is no getting out of this

I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm ready now. The idea of dying isn't scary to me anymore

I have a lot of left over antidepressant pills because I stopped taking them. I've got lots of different kinds. So I think I'm going to take a lot of different ones and hopefully that will kill me

It's night time where I am now. I hope I don't live to see the sun come up. Bye",3.0037815126050447,4.787579336134455,4.321588235294119,85.27414705882354,74.96638655462183,7.449075630252103,25.345378151260505,8.238735603445708,1.5488816806722692,467,16,95,8,10,154,78,119,0.078,0.828,0.094,0.233,3,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,0,0,16,26,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,2,12,3,19,23,3,16,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,5,10,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392013196826314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846385844491184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500810565654694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061173942160527,0.4548588129170427,0.0,0.14853655892307485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758192561601885,0.0,0.16495018015344856,0.0,0.1160657910258944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832921419809565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28827398271895344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382291482245456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605538755994649,0.15112023955449544,0.07975420492671341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576733997928796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814369607391995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701277268018429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158334693958028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618537150811832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833712709504323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312838421119969,0.0,0.0,0.16394439219715748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172053336036757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132689128084602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273367363720386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597418488333986,0.0,0.0,0.08462069010430133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quiet_acid,2018/04/12,"Is it all? This probably won't make much sense, but I can't find any good reason to keep living. My sister has schizo and now she's drinking medication and I am supposed to feel alright, but I am not alright. My sister has found a cooking job. I took  care of her for 2 years when she was at her worst. I am so drunk. I am sorry. I can't even write a comprehensible post. Sorry. You're all beautiful. THIS POST SHOULD BE DELETED AND IT MAKES SENSE. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DIE SOON. :( SORRY. GOOD LUCK. YOU WON'T READ THIS. THIS IS THE END. BYE.",-1.2418910107126209,0.7144185044247813,1.035668374476014,98.23027945971128,102.89380530973452,3.7948765719608772,14.796925943176525,5.750287758089431,-0.8259097345132744,413,10,96,4,19,137,74,113,0.207,0.613,0.18,-0.4106,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,2,15,4,0,3,2,18,22,7,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,3,3,1,4,4,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,1,15,6,7,15,4,10,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,7,62,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347346875186015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012930885321914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731788336160385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634635208428108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477922714577859,0.0,0.0,0.11021231849322476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437162069269749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251097774957842,0.0,0.0,0.1829581288507066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799157721070204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558710333681462,0.14831668650251362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734426351194624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227664765700077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809826090901922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266448472479105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196198117211317,0.0,0.17990797392878544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669094892849661,0.0,0.0,0.1715643259779773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603728796604819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729993470844253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853924141719619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074551598646252
suicidewatch,wokefn,2018/04/12,"I cant live for life  Everything I do to try and get better just ends up making me feel worse.  About a month ago I was extremely depressed, slept till noon every day, didnt go to class ever.  Now I work out and go to class daily and everything in my life has gotten worse.  Now to reach the level of happiness I was at when I wasnt active I need to work out and go to class every day.  If I don't do that I feel worse than I've ever felt in my life... way worse than I felt when I wasn't active.

It's like I improve something in my life, I try to appriciate and enjoy the progress I make, but after a few days my rotten mind gets used to this new lifestyle and now I need to maintain that lifestyle just to feel ""normal"".  And by normal I mean as depressed as I've always been.

I want to kill myself every day.  The only thing stopping me is that I know that whatever I do to improve my life (including ending it) will always make my life worse.  I don't believe in a higher power because if I were to believe in god I would also have to believe that he wants me to suffer more than most, and I don't want to believe that I deserve that, but its probably true.

I'm probably not going to do it tonight but I'm almost positive that that's how I'm going to go out. ",2.683596491228069,3.3499234259259265,4.592846003898639,87.44464912280705,74.0,7.165692007797272,24.21052631578948,7.273561745256523,0.8986666666666667,975,27,216,10,19,335,124,270,0.153,0.741,0.105,-0.945,1,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,5,12,10,1,0,6,0,20,7,1,5,3,46,49,20,1,10,8,0,5,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,15,11,0,1,7,0,0,6,8,5,0,0,11,6,34,5,39,36,3,39,0,3,0,0,1,11,0,4,22,142,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277028477760049,0.0,0.08220404790450188,0.0,0.0,0.06564955613426035,0.1366155169661371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004298882372018,0.0,0.0,0.3699617460442032,0.0,0.07260438123971799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211772173475654,0.0,0.14141275990174554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541965032806956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485152153557409,0.20750009056330754,0.0,0.14755937126803353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452570886545727,0.0,0.1576438604268066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857801650379025,0.0,0.2799312679888349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738927701179476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082348366290492,0.0,0.04511603784812945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34790729474727417,0.04010637930482403,0.0,0.07248941729633783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643926783590957,0.0,0.0,0.08942308961453824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289029268260484,0.0,0.06552566343233357,0.0,0.0,0.12174149311752842,0.0,0.07928570594958458,0.0,0.0,0.16086696348835552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624352485677595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770197751336961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631990227490976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686332291075114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453878666147975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114712002046707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090179294422945,0.0,0.0,0.1452613228329073,0.06516141736430843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952902423535065,0.0,0.4182977149222223,0.05831634634126622,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sick_little_girl,2018/04/12,"I'm a white girl in my 30s with so many loving and supportive friends but I don't want to live. I hate myself and I hate my life. Nothing is working out for me. I've lost all motivation to look for new, fulfilling work, I'm no longer interested in the things I once enjoyed, I can't commit to plans with friends, and I actively avoid them. If there's a knock on my door I freeze and wait for them to go away. Many of my friends are neighbors in my apartment building, so I move around the house silently. I ignore their texts to talk and their offers to take me out to dinner.

Every day I wake up and make coffee and drink it out of a beautiful ceramic. It's the happiest moment in my day.  All downhill from there. To pass the time I sleep or take several baths. I used to read or do household projects but I no longer have the focus or energy. 

I cry all throughout the day. Little things set me off. That's one reason I can no longer be around friends. 

When night rolls around and I hear people home from work, chatting with their partners about their day, making dinner, being together and seeming content and happy, it hurts and I feel like something else. Not a normal person. Not a healthy person. This is when I obliviate myself with weed and try to go to bed at 7pm. Or 6 or 5.

Weekends are even worse. 

I don't want to kill myself. I want to die. I want to cease to exist. I want to become terminally ill so no one will blame me.

I don't think I would (or at least anytime soon) take real action against my life because I have a mother. I think if I didn't have a mother I could take my life. 

The only person I have talked with about suicide is my boyfriend because to him I can be my worst self. He calls me a baby or a pussy and tells me to quit being pathetic. (Anyone else getting that response from their partner?) 

I have taken action in finding a therapist and have jumped through the hoops of the intake process and am still waiting for a response after 3 weeks.

I feel for everyone in this group, especially the really young people. It is so hard to be a human. I'm here to chat...

",2.2011376802662395,4.0527792388758765,3.466373104893381,90.22445303833356,77.4543325526932,6.087242696906201,23.414828053740912,6.950104931194217,0.7192800936768156,1633,52,344,17,38,531,213,427,0.182,0.688,0.13,-0.9712,0,1,2,0,0,4,50.0,0,0,7,7,17,18,3,1,22,0,29,10,2,5,4,67,62,32,3,10,13,2,4,1,7,2,4,1,5,8,10,26,3,4,8,6,0,7,11,8,0,2,3,7,59,10,59,51,5,44,0,2,2,1,34,20,0,10,17,230,69,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053602977846838,0.08870745677054595,0.0,0.2312132818689689,0.0,0.0,0.08134110615874453,0.0,0.0,0.1055519873422954,0.0956165126163515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840388908022938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912397983974161,0.0,0.09509979258919396,0.22333771722640786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985233457191999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481162887167061,0.0,0.0,0.14464646300726527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718270477070075,0.0,0.07294410748131915,0.08272718416054177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755096604546353,0.0618499909689488,0.0,0.0,0.07912899695945669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675539542671985,0.0,0.04523244467968812,0.0,0.09840639801229224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216187999375763,0.07755519013943382,0.1709519713318775,0.0,0.0,0.09757756921263798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868428982780538,0.0,0.0,0.09989720811732301,0.09268151739299643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957836394598608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345380259367267,0.04229671468704836,0.08677200754291324,0.07644829212605588,0.0,0.0727021284561471,0.0,0.0945080522194552,0.0,0.07813832029895396,0.0,0.1155804526813857,0.1755491757121406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201670464136896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361574745560306,0.0,0.08124581530988764,0.08482620689248295,0.08307211343728194,0.0,0.0,0.09220073263439987,0.11733242678847572,0.06584503365447975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200419487821383,0.2267847620834652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208435087069816,0.08659953968573295,0.09854256819594266,0.05546287358935482,0.08901466129837418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881563984716729,0.0903177652800714,0.09780636247519446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663863519249526,0.0,0.0,0.06665051994352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913979404802466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470021351943483,0.09824554474471124,0.0,0.0,0.2603778436495646,0.1391731970906024,0.07567133697608723,0.0,0.0,0.10052153767837918,0.1150346423079354,0.11094895222676694,0.0,0.0,0.05048322652774393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877949633704151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477396261999496,0.0,0.0,0.2553241667711321,0.0,0.06944613402205099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908531968737746,0.0,0.08822845347289399,0.061501185236408275,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Potato_Empire,2018/04/12,"Give me a reason not to. I've been suicidal all my life.. Just don't know why, I don't feel like I fit in the world.. I'm broke, there is no point in trying anymore. I give up. Give me a reason not to kill myself.. Before it's too late. I get harmed, insulted, made fun of. Why should I exist if I don't belong here?",-2.224225352112676,-0.42373307042253217,0.9733661971831004,100.72990845070423,98.01408450704224,3.966760563380282,11.325352112676056,5.6839178017228535,-1.4042180281690144,236,3,61,2,10,83,51,71,0.268,0.639,0.094,-0.9018,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,0,6,1,0,3,1,11,14,1,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,10,2,6,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640484168283615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685194928533382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013618614508307,0.14148152758296784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346897823812452,0.5699409374336629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910456923172064,0.0,0.1088389218238476,0.0,0.22340044929681127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988320141058527,0.09675351138965994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873925039703736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721407758940373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072411348967577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166262381168231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445778733415129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574049185142838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fawnbab,2018/04/12,"I am tired I have fought very hard for years. But it's so tiring now. Trying to move and speak to people. I've done so much to make it better, but my medication doesn't work anymore. I can't get back into therapy for several months. I'm so tired. I've heard that it gets better so many times that it just feels like an echo. I am done now. I want to sleep. I don't want to wake up ",-1.3307165775401089,0.638446152941178,1.1671657754010702,100.45770053475937,93.35294117647058,4.502673796791443,12.433155080213904,6.11248444174946,-1.1749999999999998,293,4,75,3,11,99,55,85,0.105,0.752,0.14300000000000002,0.486,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,4,1,0,1,0,8,6,2,1,0,9,17,7,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,4,7,3,9,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446766524592227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751990747208522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29334212959225514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394216253145658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838531504661584,0.1184753711651028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328800176612572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855911526587742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102052875202995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069877954980163,0.16813465470565125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670652839115551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237105892220635,0.17626054692956908,0.12191070184541265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497183923992907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735079690431505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595870590865616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965127976505788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967020189782912,0.5718223934964469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259375363409455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683449274216278,0.19563220593397995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073272273168616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067948394794008
suicidewatch,cuckcuck_moose,2018/04/12,"My brother tried to kill himself Tuesday and I don’t even know how to begin to process all of this. I don’t want to talk about everything in detail, I just want someone to hear me out. My whole family is incredibly supportive of him and each other. 

I took off of work yesterday and tried to go in today. I cried three times in the first hour, explained everything to my boss, and left. What if I can’t go back to work without crying? I can’t risk my job because of this.

I just want to know it gets better. Of all things i’m worried about, being worried about crying at work seems like a stupid thing to focus on. i’m all out of sorts. ",2.268181818181816,3.827574909090913,3.661212121212124,90.18681818181818,76.42424242424242,6.618181818181819,23.363636363636363,7.348242739294969,0.809354545454545,496,15,108,6,11,163,78,132,0.11,0.753,0.13699999999999998,-0.0989,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,8,6,2,1,2,0,6,0,0,2,3,24,22,6,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,1,1,15,3,28,20,5,20,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,9,75,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843061830909176,0.0,0.08596047402862306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247149136096916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646898721753469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313803618662113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25346754459944343,0.0,0.13293490565140553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994594585603235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367369358059317,0.0,0.1602823562791676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893237664731455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886981699860074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399340639365108,0.0,0.15601046004857352,0.0,0.1549945792958016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321149705832318,0.0,0.0,0.06889203578065065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837332451469494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948021598989705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600203617212541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334124818693345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736610520531355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222606114930693,0.0,0.1336642370592525,0.0,0.15667110188716987,0.19147771616692788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952011185276954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743645127913894,0.0,0.1359319080237516,0.0,0.30797835495926584,0.2864119527119067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Happyfamily-_-,2018/04/12,"My Thoughts. Just rambling. My mind, my body and my eyes. it feels like im walking in an empty vessel, just me and my thoughts. like im a spectator. often the thought of me being dead occurs in my mind and it freaks me out. its pops up from no where. When i work, when i go to train and even when im with my friends. i cant remember not being like that. it feels like i have become comfortably numb 
whats weird is that i got no reason to be like this. i have a perfect family. Got friends i care for and a good job. 
It feels like my whole life i have put on a charade. What could make these feelings bearable, cause i dont think i can sustain this for much longer. 
Note: i just needed to write my thoughts down. So sorry if this is hard to read, my English is not that great",-0.10334928229665152,1.9952749393939442,1.4562360446571,100.08961722488041,87.48484848484848,4.443381180223287,18.98724082934609,5.750287758089431,-0.4516060606060606,595,17,143,4,19,191,95,165,0.125,0.685,0.19,0.9262,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,10,16,0,0,6,0,13,4,2,3,1,33,28,10,1,3,6,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,14,7,0,0,11,1,0,3,6,3,0,0,6,6,24,13,15,18,2,13,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,9,94,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333187332301885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408564294764294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307560282028067,0.12400616209324812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638002031133984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414754890034669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973022184247675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379807812307913,0.0,0.2441457770603604,0.2587135491762979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865261202149864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860434440536672,0.10124887540893568,0.19309145328157584,0.13308721609260962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081357123565239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911743426903792,0.0,0.11978966293236044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526361503472134,0.3538475270166885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057729316839238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437727329818354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873841611363899,0.08950763573783717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213505512051993,0.0,0.0,0.1207463084911232,0.0,0.0,0.1241137284605806,0.0,0.0,0.1367450242887233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512903887292274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734842737592035,0.0,0.383332590550584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477246998666198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788096882488834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kffsnubben,2018/04/12,"I want to talk about Hope The last thing one loses during a depression is hope. It may feel like you’ve lost everything, thrown it all away. At times it may feel like you fucked up your life on purpose, and sometimes it feels like you had no choice but to just stare at the monument of life as it falls down. 

Either way, the fact that you are here means you have hope, at least the slightest amount, deep down inside. It isn’t your survival instinct, it isn’t the fact that you don’t want to hurt your family, or don’t have the courage to pull the trigger.

Your integrity keeps you alive in the end. Hope gives you the strenght to keep going, or at least stand still instead of laying down to die.

I have bipolar disorder, and I’ve pulled the noose around my neck a number of times. Even though we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, hope burns quietly in all of us. I stepped off the chair every time and I’m thankful I did.

As long as you’re alive, hope stands by your side. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do things that supposedly will make you ”feel better”. One day, you will wake up and find that you want to live. 

Hope is beautiful. You are beautiful. Peace out.",3.4182612738261287,4.703008903765691,3.4619735006973507,93.891109948861,72.93305439330544,6.984751278475128,22.90120874012087,7.3871296695380915,0.5569691306369138,924,23,208,10,18,281,130,239,0.091,0.659,0.251,0.993,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,16,0,4,8,19,1,1,16,0,20,6,2,2,4,38,45,11,1,10,5,0,4,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,13,7,0,2,6,0,0,6,7,6,0,2,3,8,23,13,36,38,6,38,0,4,2,1,20,20,1,11,12,129,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717304515506116,0.0,0.0,0.09200274131514556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660574484618459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315282393564844,0.0,0.08434172423843737,0.0,0.10162956326225914,0.0,0.11222928997184373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346304612599014,0.0,0.0,0.06467782211434242,0.0,0.08250512155527788,0.0,0.08800770035838938,0.0,0.09231395177026028,0.0,0.1980530942191012,0.20987059267506208,0.0,0.0,0.08950068399094659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052908121160963,0.0,0.09393754190029363,0.05565241737929617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6808237974435615,0.0,0.0,0.1048295759927569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407854942799295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982106020811705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833311380813212,0.1435220351775859,0.0,0.08646861072594438,0.08665958302016376,0.0,0.1095518125776318,0.10689552049582073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653649734513094,0.0,0.0,0.1066678504833475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327115577778246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844058103630968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803268176082066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684925554246307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820216476978673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787075333407667,0.0,0.0901551841593149,0.0,0.0,0.13011259544322665,0.0,0.09620974900205184,0.0,0.17130066642768188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177904123258092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327418602672304,0.07772744550272208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KindaStraightish,2018/04/12,"Trying to work up the courage to kill my self. I’m posting this here because I don’t have anyone else to say it to really. 

I desperately want to die, but I can’t work up the courage to do it. If you knew the things I’ve done you would want me to die as well. I have literally zero point in living, I live in misery and I cause lots of other people overwhelming misery as well. It makes me sad for myself when I see other people who are actually good people talking about suicide - I wish I was more like others! 

I am not one of those good people. I have a very evil core and have done absolutely evil things. I don’t possess empathy and am sure I am a sociopath. I am manipulative and selfish. 

I really wish someone would help me die, give me that push to just do it. I know it’s in the greater good of everyone involved. I’ve been fantasizing about methods, but I can’t bring myself to actually execute because I’m so fucking weak and selfish! 

Where do I find the courage? 

",2.7886500000000005,4.263845165000003,4.743000000000002,83.32150000000003,74.85,7.6,26.5,8.278499904357787,1.6888999999999998,763,28,159,13,16,262,106,200,0.253,0.5479999999999999,0.199,-0.9715,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,2,0,2,10,19,4,1,7,0,22,2,0,3,1,24,35,12,5,7,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,14,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,9,2,2,5,2,27,10,22,28,3,11,0,2,1,1,9,7,1,2,2,113,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.2281287629568945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172977184428834,0.11976405174365275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425058741837972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007465290494775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36392925821764144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392309821759398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764368808897292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169007798338262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683216080457347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805970334782336,0.0,0.1121281998570388,0.0,0.2941165995267794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783465698356582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931761511479922,0.0,0.06423777400571151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710484902604205,0.0,0.2064258755063053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937273856758852,0.0,0.0,0.078022659083179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920533033345396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241375796070959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049554153375307,0.0,0.1119449748010478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976099426655412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929528514044251,0.0,0.0,0.09314342230867606,0.0,0.12193813133830175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903756825282088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278548803559252,0.0,0.1101641608792888,0.0,0.0,0.0939489564039832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530841887752808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935827378057254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964436195363694,0.13788539468414165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019003620750187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882745669006625,0.0,0.0,0.17018955591358553,0.0,0.0,0.16606565894457767,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSmoukr,2018/04/12,"I have get this of my male boobies ehm... I mean chest.. *cought* Don’t anything stupid boys and girls, if you’re in Prague in Czech republic, hit me up.

If you’re not we can play some games or hit me up throw messages.

I don’t like myself either but i know that we’re never alone. There are always some people who wouldn’t be exactly happy with u gone.

Sorry i had to ger it of my mind, for some reason i feel bad when i see those amazing people type things about sucide.

Believe me, you’re VALUABLE!

Yes, YOU ON THE OTHERSIDE",-0.39365825688073386,1.8650925871559672,1.248526376146792,98.24508314220188,95.60550458715595,3.8259174311926607,15.069380733944952,5.602791699666715,-0.8324637614678898,408,9,90,3,16,131,82,109,0.085,0.7170000000000001,0.198,0.9458,0,1,0,0,2,0,18.0,1,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,1,8,1,1,1,2,20,16,6,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,2,15,5,11,10,4,9,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,6,3,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699355945161006,0.0,0.0,0.21686625691898254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214477487750454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176163859766065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29364240918440004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317830993704203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361691828481941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774470400035392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323623659183865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733136837693246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839040711845721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631634811066326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101505256786084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36137808135116795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26797255324896035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768953285325306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917555858968168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731519637422996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TanGuapoComoTu,2018/04/12,I want to talk I want to talk to someone. I’m very depressed. My wife just lost our baby. Can someone please talk to me. ,-1.5138461538461527,0.4529333846153882,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,99.76923076923076,2.6,18.03846153846154,3.1291,-1.0585846153846157,92,3,22,0,4,30,17,26,0.205,0.625,0.17,-0.4576,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310453946990442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928291773440065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29446057497619305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545787674637217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6468333415296045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133631949981852,0.3164444254465052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,starfishbuddy,2018/04/12,"It hurts to much to be alive It feels like I can't get a break. My whole entire life he's just been constant non-stop pain and it doesn't go away. the last 3 months were the only time my life I was truly happy and now that's ruined. I don't know what to do, im hurting so much. I'm the type of person that takes my meds on time, I exercise, i goto therapy, I take care of myself. everything hurts. the person I love completely broke me I still can't believe it don't know what to do",-0.21035353535353352,1.5473829814814868,2.2242760942760955,96.6028787878788,84.92592592592592,5.4087542087542095,16.2996632996633,6.574015621080383,-0.4616407407407408,374,7,92,4,11,128,69,108,0.162,0.67,0.168,0.1796,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,0,11,5,0,0,0,6,21,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,1,13,4,8,17,3,11,0,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,8,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589809862837302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495629212428793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832636866932293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281641404550753,0.1678110583990626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956275610269053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785182307097084,0.11093771044791198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811315211548805,0.0,0.08825369509261873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653068625703708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987167425252791,0.0,0.16773758507122405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068434305215255,0.12658036867590627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936887959474685,0.07586582654806598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015339721817402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724898554394365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394932433620184,0.0,0.2283089558416473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810344938709767,0.1652372796623246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271182818039482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401312162484847,0.12982764201499086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23351435766861225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758525298335734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109925253903045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337340041910707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Big_Smoke420666,2018/04/12,Planning to an hero Its cause I am a ugly and worthless bye whoever reads this,1.1156250000000014,3.6526993125000047,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,87.125,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.6513499999999994,63,3,12,1,2,21,16,16,0.298,0.529,0.173,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7164611776572061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6976269640073051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exponentialguy144,2018/04/12,"I can’t do this anymore I can’t pretend like everything is ok. I can’t watch my life be ruined by my mom who says she “cares” about me but destroys my life at the same time. I don’t know when, but I’m ending it soon. The fact that I haven’t even had my 18th birthday is pathetic. I have so much potential, but it’s all gone now. My life is in ruins. Hopefully people will learn from my mistakes, and at least something good will come from my life. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t face the pain, shame, and suffering anymore.",1.801491228070173,2.958613008771933,3.3236842105263165,93.79412280701756,76.80701754385966,6.821052631578947,23.192982456140356,7.3871296695380915,0.6457614035087715,409,12,98,5,9,135,70,114,0.257,0.644,0.099,-0.9729,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,1,1,3,1,17,6,1,0,2,15,24,8,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,7,0,0,2,2,17,5,8,19,4,10,0,3,1,0,4,3,0,1,6,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052663663690333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832057707585586,0.0,0.0,0.17600588622749708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096923736991324,0.0,0.0,0.13495319497938565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363203889512755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713761596136199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029385116201156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458078929796896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772765708421908,0.0998217346842499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393002389166589,0.0,0.0,0.15020067040081586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741372421415014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165161113541716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248558623814185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729757187045515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914219063449928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeadlyTissues,2018/04/12,"Do i ask for too much? I'm sitting here typing this as i avoid bathing myself before going to work, looking at calling in. Ever since I was a child (23 now) I can remember how much pressure was put on me to succeed. I'm above average intellect and have always excelled through schooling - barring motivation issues. I've reached a point where my existence is altogether meaningless. I used to have some faith or belief in God which always got me through. Lately I've admitted to myself that I was forcing belief because reality is so much more difficult to face. I don't see any meaning to life, i am just a tiny random clump of cells in an ever expanding world. This leaves me in a position where I deeply contemplate suicide. I don't know if it is just a mental bubble I've created but I certainly have an ""overqualification"" mentality. I learn rather quickly and so in my 2 attempts at uni I have become extremely disgruntled and cannot get myself to attend class. I show up and learn 5 minutes worth of material over the course of an hour and cannot handle having so much wasted time in my life. I am not getting younger and my early 20s are being stolen by school and work. The fields which I've pursued in school have not been true passions of mine. The only thing at this point in my life i can seriously consider as meaningful is playing music. When i reach this point i start feeling suicidal. I've always played music - started begging for piano lessons at age 4 - and i consider myself to be talented. But what makes me deserve to make a living doing something I love. I would lead a happy life if I could just be left to practice and enjoy myself. I just feel so greedy for wanting that. I know that there are millions of other people like me who would want to make music for a living and i don't feel as though i deserve that kind of success. I'm not chasing fame and fortune, I'm chasing a more enjoyable way to afford a roof and a bed. My heart and mind are not invested in a life producing for the messy, materialism driven society we have around us.

Lately as I weigh my options and the actual purpose of me being on this earth, suicide becomes a much more appealing option. A simple solution to the suffering that i am feeling. I have no belief that there is any sort of afterlife, and so it feels as though i have nothing to lose. I'll be too dead to worry about losing my life. I didn't ask to be born, and now I'm suddenly the one who has to be responsible for that. I didn't ask to be born

Everything would leave me to believe that these feelings are invalid, and that I am asking for too much out of life.",5.087728663719826,5.836965578034687,6.232984812422077,77.56328884733085,68.55684007707129,9.111662699761986,31.64235520797915,9.247498795725024,2.7982607503116856,2081,85,390,39,34,698,253,519,0.131,0.731,0.13699999999999998,-0.6909,1,1,1,0,0,2,44.0,2,0,0,13,29,23,0,2,24,0,50,13,2,8,4,77,85,36,4,9,14,0,6,1,0,3,7,0,2,1,24,20,2,1,19,5,2,5,12,7,0,2,8,8,56,16,63,65,10,50,4,3,2,2,13,26,0,8,18,283,80,15,0.0,0.0,0.07213588524421474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452369209836025,0.0,0.0,0.1005371453683597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580504513834184,0.2764232938913962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045061338401643336,0.16327908702724825,0.06290102342781058,0.0832832521898587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548124222326799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059019619159341764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337309088494302,0.0,0.0,0.06643510828724603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242589916704238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724097092877014,0.0,0.042010805417984194,0.0,0.059121091688863175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868989995731221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759631890989178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727969440404035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715394702280573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697697538416827,0.08124970536740926,0.0,0.1667714121028317,0.1565425771376159,0.08031499586273365,0.0,0.3654863580511334,0.03611389272302442,0.0,0.13054656566715386,0.0,0.062074723467938915,0.16539658466295246,0.0,0.0,0.06671626715485375,0.0,0.14802781137605586,0.0,0.0,0.08052125176286846,0.0,0.0,0.1489892454168109,0.0,0.07463877791031681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260410720133845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092885145208595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009054137328352,0.05621998066128656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051247266988190064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096367051860688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431066411660002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373767954586968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244349141192156,0.05890518263303481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114792049104404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056907723093477185,0.0,0.0,0.10464282440915228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425715597908324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910959116420885,0.0,0.1452533145897791,0.0,0.043103721899548586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891743297685806,0.06384370238951009,0.0,0.0,0.08720062195461,0.05867476638789496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763021826814537,0.075070002051927,0.0,0.1575333135729291,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneAddendum,2018/04/12,"Too many games I never agreed to play I have a date set, and a plan, and the situation is unlikely to resolve itself any other way, almost entirely because other humans refuse to leave me alone, or listen to me when I say  I'm in pain.
For years I've been sharing my brain space with various individuals, most of them I'd known since I was a teen. 
I spent my twenties assuming I was insane, because obviously it all had to be a figment of my imagination.
It turned out it wasn't. 
As I finally broke away from them, I found myself caught up in something else.
It was the people I lived with, and their friends, and they pulled my mind apart over and over again for years until they had themselves and other people convinced this was the way I should live.
My face and body are covered in marks from self-harm - too many times people knew what they were doing, laughed, continued, and I had no way to distract myself from the horrors they had swarming around my head except to cut at my own skin.
Half of the time it's impossible to even get outside, to get into the city centre, or shop, or speak to someone, or perform most of the normal tasks of a functional human being. 
I forget what I'm doing - people are pulling the memories from my mind, they push their own thoughts and feelings into holes created  by vicious trauma they've helped cover up.
It's a constant nightmare, and it doesn't matter what I do, or how many times or in how many different ways I ask people to leave me alone, or try to explain they're wrong to play along with what was done to me, there are hundreds of people in this city that have knowingly and enthusiastically decided to torture my mind.
Others have tried to help, one way or another.

It's become a game. Something people compete in, and through.
And every second of it I feel torn apart - pulled in multiple directions at once - sick and dizzy and terrified. Not alone, never alone, never at peace, day and night stuck suffocating on other peoples mental shit.

I have a flat of belongings to organize, so the job doesn't fall to someone else once I'm gone, a package to send, a phone call to make, then I'm done.

I've told the professionals working with me, but then I've told them I wasn't ok with this bullshit for years and they haven't listened, so I'm not really worried about them interfering.

God bless and good luck to anyone reading this, I hope you find a way to help build a better world than the one we live in.

Do no harm
Bear no ill will
Tell no lie
Believe no lie
Accept no falsehood
Make no compromise

Do good, be good, do better",5.6457567257427,5.998902624505927,6.073830167027925,80.58852926176209,67.22134387351778,8.821522376641592,29.761315823026905,8.654491914285503,2.134076195333418,2032,68,398,29,31,656,253,506,0.152,0.735,0.113,-0.6599,2,4,2,0,0,0,58.0,1,1,12,7,13,27,4,1,23,1,37,9,6,4,5,77,64,36,0,3,12,0,3,0,1,2,3,4,0,2,24,29,0,1,14,6,2,8,17,10,0,4,24,7,48,17,71,35,6,60,1,1,0,0,36,25,1,14,20,264,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064666459906506,0.2922783564079241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047977119106555936,0.07397890550078805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933091996111825,0.0,0.0,0.06280537361284792,0.06595568854806448,0.0,0.06628501426588558,0.0,0.0,0.08601450505384438,0.07791806876169127,0.0,0.07948685026323972,0.0,0.1247933039945617,0.0,0.07836628877286891,0.0,0.0787582811357507,0.07204048882008976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762405987777009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549957724809989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737108094201773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439639518907746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787266385626508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659828935803502,0.0,0.05944228488330847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071345440299151,0.0,0.0,0.07728520390530752,0.06448236248553811,0.0,0.0,0.0773555619294406,0.0545075500967624,0.0,0.07372000166859502,0.0,0.0,0.17752456789105528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240570986020052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186660302274345,0.0,0.0,0.07007309080609472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001101020955361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877300054126622,0.0,0.0,0.14940670616936486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868935538307811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418671956454017,0.28611068046540794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109884358431187,0.0,0.21370928275220452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323990899507645,0.0,0.0,0.06620736158110943,0.0691250291459766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502690869747726,0.09561440642750572,0.0,0.07507126921216307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912896031681679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057012124085589,0.0,0.04519679582329072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056105010075466935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360010999074468,0.0,0.07241961755683785,0.05836054035089613,0.07930231271482878,0.0,0.0,0.1195553160709116,0.1086272580720363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061664709122465584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600963650312096,0.1234166173268729,0.0,0.0,0.13482906346408335,0.0,0.09579903537673998,0.07673926045588006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360007382617385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136198946564214,0.07164799471038458,0.0,0.0,0.07713647506800844,0.0,0.13629764896090624
suicidewatch,icriedwhenATLAended,2018/04/12,"Sometimes I feel like I want to die (not really urgent but please help nonetheless) This is my first actual post here, I've recently discovered this subreddit and have been lurking a bit, commenting here and there a few times.

Anyways,

Sometimes the thought of suicide crosses my mind, I kinda want to but at the same time don't really want to, does that make sense? It's like, not wanting to die because you recognize the blessings you've been given, but instead just wish your parents never gave birth to you in the first place. I know this sounds selfish since I'm middle class, not poor but not rich, my parents love me, I have a decent amount of friends, but to go with this I have several physical deformities that make me feel insecure, and even putting these aside I'm just insecure to begin with. I have social anxiety due to bullying, I've made friends but sometimes I grow distant because I feel like they're just talking to me out of pity, or that I'm just a hassle or burden in their life whenever I try to talk to them, like I'm just some waste of time. I know this sounds somewhat selfish in a way, knowing that there are tons of people who have it way worse than I do, but I do believe there is genuinely something wrong with me and I need advice on how to cope with all of this, sometimes I just isolate myself completely from my friends, thinking they all probably hate me.

I need advice.",7.574065934065933,6.718213567765571,7.27287545787546,77.65129120879124,63.50549450549451,10.730402930402931,36.71611721611721,9.957137785484203,3.4726161172161163,1116,47,214,20,14,353,144,273,0.208,0.628,0.163,-0.9629,2,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,3,3,2,15,18,1,2,9,0,13,2,0,4,3,55,41,14,3,7,19,2,3,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,14,9,0,0,8,0,2,4,6,8,0,2,6,5,32,10,30,35,9,25,1,1,0,1,19,8,0,5,14,140,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.09895251422405048,0.0,0.0,0.19817529760565444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757130361837036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362592388095685,0.0,0.0,0.1142439323929016,0.0,0.0,0.11070336701726333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631676730697827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104759588901338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873648813421578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697424544328949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538138125567575,0.14488144596972874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250286878699236,0.0,0.0,0.2350259262079639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762838851444321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011225713182582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067966791785334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718161700344422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162235534725793,0.1981571569413854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151814457209664,0.09594785058846177,0.13537158896855678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238586118174377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503747569346594,0.07820651703309305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518708733442155,0.0,0.0,0.07029851922416498,0.0,0.1059422118266932,0.11130758406527956,0.0,0.0,0.0971138980261312,0.0,0.10932716930233276,0.0,0.0,0.101935770568314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299198463472076,0.0,0.10012101711714792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455399587333545,0.0,0.08387975626384109,0.0,0.0,0.10336530480731608,0.0,0.07806325880387313,0.4011517765847849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091597309388387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300417929599592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064973512427473,0.0,0.0805008766207557,0.1773827952593124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688444597102557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923518107796735,0.16097440645345526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660586936582586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333603703550442,0.0,0.11086581256537413,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrostyRate,2018/04/12,"Reason's I'm going to kill myself 1) I have put my entire life thus far on achieving my dreams, mainly my dream job. I guess I set the bar too low because I've done it all. I have nothing left that really keeps me here and I feel like I'm just coasting.

 

2) I was raped as a child and can't form healthy relationships as a result. Platonic or romantic. I have gone to therapy and it just made me realize that I was actually hurting people in my life. I'm broken in that way. At best, it would be something I had to work on every day of my life for the rest of my life and I don't want to do that work. But I don't want to hurt other people.

 

3) I have herpes, also, so it is difficult for me to get emotionally and physically intimate with others without unintentionally harming them.

 

4) I am very successful so I can't tell who is using me anymore. Even close friends and family have started to treat me different. It's fake and exhausting. I can't be vulnerable with people because they could use it against me.

 

5) I'm not straight. One thing you learn is the world was not made for us. As much as things change they stay the same.

 

6) I can't experience love because of my childhood sexual abuse and because of physical and emotional abuse from parents growing up. It's like trying to learn a language later in life. You could try but you'll never be as good as someone who started when they were 5.

 

7) People will get over it. I have joked about it often so I think people wouldn't be surprised. I think I have a right not to be here if I don't want to be. I miss the nothingness of before I was born.
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suicidewatch,Robotgirl69,2018/04/12,"What happens when you're gone.. ""Fine, just go!""

These were the last words yelled to me by the love of my life, as I walked into the forest after a minor fight. 

After a 15 minute cry, I returned home to find him hanging in our garage. I didn't realise what was going on for a second. I cried out his name, tried to loosen the noose around his neck, but it was too tight. I ran to the kitchen to grab a knife and cut him down. 

His head hit the concrete as I tried to support his weight, falling. My love..

His lips were blue, fuck, fuck. I started CPR. The breaths coming out were ragged, like sleep apnoea. I ran inside and called the emergency number. The guy gave instructions, the ambulance was coming.

I'd found a noose in our cupboard a week earlier. I'd heard him tell his sister she could take his computer, his prized possession a day before. He'd cut his arm that morning. But I didn't realise how real it was.

'Jewelry shine' was on repeat on his computer. I will never forget that song. It was the shitty soundtrack to the suicide of the person I loved most in the world. 

The ambos came 7 minutes later. They cut his favourite t-shirt off. 'He'll be pissed they ruined that' I thought. He was still alive. Just.

I stayed in ICU with him for 10 days. He was brain dead, the doctors told me on the first night. He probably wouldn't make it. Only his brain stem was keeping his vital functions going. Every so often he would start convulsing,  tonic-clonic seizures, or something. Oh my love...

He had tubes down his throat, in his veins, up his nose. I'd put a cold cloth on his forehead, held his hand. Talked to him. Played his favourite music. Told him I'd swap my life for his. I thought he could understand. I hoped. 

Eventually I realised he would be a vegetable if he ever even came out of the coma. He had begun to respond to pain - the doctors told me of this. They wouldn't let me see the tests. He wouldn't have wanted to live that way.

I gave the OK for them to switch off the life support. 

That night, I went to the hospital chapel. We aren't religious, but it felt right. They had a tree you could hang a note on. So I did.

I got back to ICU. His Dad came out and said 'its time'. Fuck. I went in, held my Love's hand as his heart gave out. He went cold, and I knew I was holding the shell of the person I loved most in the world. A last kiss.

Nine years later, I think about the person he was, and who he could have become. He was only 27. I think about him every day. 

I don't know what I'm trying to get across here. Suicide is a very personal choice. Its a final choice, and there's no going back. I wish he'd just thrown everything else away before taking his life. ",0.7780609712867772,3.0665972893772917,1.8921351766513084,97.18216589861755,85.26373626373626,4.694741817322463,17.780810587262202,6.0311780096671335,-0.4205100082712989,2064,49,459,16,62,650,267,546,0.127,0.764,0.11,-0.916,0,0,1,1,1,2,94.0,3,1,5,2,19,26,8,0,41,1,41,37,16,2,2,66,102,18,3,13,8,2,6,1,0,7,8,4,2,5,18,20,3,5,10,2,0,20,9,10,0,3,46,16,79,16,60,39,2,79,1,1,3,10,85,30,4,6,28,271,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238439322682096,0.0,0.0,0.06584071007202041,0.10777151278395627,0.0,0.0,0.07739578895060417,0.1192626544557641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646073887015582,0.07155760604989875,0.2404521354667357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207322079010672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380673834312445,0.0,0.15395507062701194,0.1355837895112333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345587127030102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058541285480052135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628594401696489,0.06338968073575599,0.11808769413012266,0.0,0.06298170468153289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728599462668501,0.0767671661467108,0.0640501413507921,0.059608421674577985,0.0,0.07683705256552645,0.0,0.19435830619621194,0.036612930615818585,0.0,0.1593080651771452,0.0,0.05604788241028039,0.0,0.0,0.06938836647966283,0.06196985902223229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192037903683181,0.0,0.0,0.0830429215967923,0.0,0.0,0.07029407832468497,0.06960339537844715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622886619399001,0.0,0.0,0.03851310760860247,0.11424605849084107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165963597898757,0.1979930230209711,0.03423663459006865,0.0,0.06188027278052515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794894907584204,0.0,0.04677769601593925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404857412273017,0.0,0.0,0.1315271557764071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659515158464478,0.07456807131563778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447580807002888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555607688250612,0.0,0.0,0.07044787647284946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797642541236066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059846340215993436,0.06666034946766157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584319665386593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012873970034378,0.0,0.0,0.0539495682685581,0.0,0.0,0.09920332236809144,0.07469396250841423,0.055964485231749114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330820040541662,0.1590476631773428,0.0,0.0,0.10538006502795663,0.05632614647233573,0.061251374537265285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898064722909069,0.0,0.11126841501304977,0.04086312122220863,0.0,0.0,0.20088796936541226,0.0,0.14273535089209574,0.0,0.0,0.07295380488549515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057821796518619385,0.041333896802314564,0.055624757815135054,0.05621244892889843,0.08533628331930479,0.0,0.1948893860921188,0.0,0.0,0.08058639116862065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995629859848092,0.0,0.0,0.045128018190941206
suicidewatch,throwkillme9,2018/04/12,"Really considering suiciding over my lack of social connections, feeling alone and helpless. I'm 29, never had a true relationship, never had sex, unemployed even if I have a degree, lived pretty much in isolation from 20 to now, only had 1 friend I don't even go out with anymore.

The worst thing is not even my situation, it's the fact that I don't know how to get out of it.
I go out and see couples, people socializing and having friends, meeting people while I can't figure out where to make friends since I have no hobbies or even a job. 
The only thing keeping me alive is the hope to change this situation, I keep myself groomed, I diet and lift and I'm above average looking. But what's the point when I don't go out or I don't know where to meet people? Especially in the winter. Where am I supposed to find a partner?
I'm going out only maybe 4-5 times a month right now, what's the point of going out when I can't connect with people and form friendships? Just today I went out in a public place full of young people and now I feel even worse: seeing what i could have but I don't, made me want to kill myself once and for all.

I feel old, alone and done. I feel I lost my best years, never experienced happiness and rejected by life.
I feel so close to getting finally happiness but yet so far. I don't ask much, I just want a partner I like and a social life. I feel stupid for wanting to kill myself over something that appears so easy to get for most of the people, but incredibly hard to get for me.

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suicidewatch,EastSmoke,2018/04/12,"Being born with this curse makes life a road filled with sadness, bitterness and pain. Hello reddittors... I am a dude from Badalona, Spain. recently 27yo. Never had any job,  love, too old for university (I always wanted to go, but six years is too much), 0 networking, no money, uncapable to be productive in any way, and the country I live is a shitty place corrupted beyond salvation where you just cannot have a decent salary if you are not lucky enough.

   I was born with Simplex Schizophrenia. Thanks lottery, less than 0,001% of all people have this shit and it had to be me.

 It's a mental illnes that reduces the social skills of the person, the willpower to even clean the bedroom, and self-esteem to zero. I'm not even capable of tying shoes (I have never learnt, no idea why), and it is not a joke.

 One thing that does well is make the cursed procastinate a lot. I feel like if I had a coma when I was  a teenager and wasted more than ten years. Nothing has changed since, except my slow approach to the end of this hell.
  The doctors have tried many medicines that it is known that works, but on me it produces horrible symptoms, so I cannot receive a treatment available in Spain. 

  I would write much more, so many things, but right now i just want to get this right off my chest because while in bus I was thinking about killing myself. Tomorrow I will come again to see if have any response... Thanks in advance.",5.363827614379083,6.257811518382358,5.096715686274512,85.43619281045754,68.00735294117646,7.956209150326797,29.08169934640523,7.984000788550335,1.7795924836601302,1111,38,217,13,18,341,171,272,0.18600000000000005,0.743,0.071,-0.9896,3,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,2,0,4,15,13,4,0,18,0,26,9,3,3,3,38,40,16,1,6,12,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,2,1,15,10,0,0,4,1,1,6,9,6,1,4,6,3,20,7,28,29,8,34,1,1,1,1,8,12,2,5,16,152,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775059901248804,0.0,0.0,0.2641840666076817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893923240751123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698902953520914,0.11154887519845068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254409373453002,0.11332235246384642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146945440679329,0.13380342976119836,0.0,0.17106106422974654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547679707585763,0.09251158475429123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765603477176832,0.0,0.07359525593665109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618461566311505,0.0,0.0,0.1285042657062777,0.0,0.14326754363495406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146647526411657,0.06326494223036187,0.0,0.11434686643513076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009241197510757,0.11687471134027708,0.0,0.17287845441305635,0.2625761490505789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050096920499424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903881307197631,0.0,0.19974976865861974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425438941178588,0.0,0.1358837051024489,0.0,0.08774947720459812,0.0,0.13779230290882016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977584915416051,0.11307044355646005,0.13529519729544914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786114741916824,0.0,0.0,0.221176835971004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319111830256801,0.0,0.13509200998461385,0.0,0.13292523203158965,0.1071199852932577,0.0,0.0,0.13200431694108214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459536914814912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384440484229188,0.0,0.0,0.1720620633056014,0.0829754639938374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791891917864234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275955856436452,0.1027874711369326,0.0,0.0,0.11643197315871565,0.0,0.1168495137690156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942742394623418,0.0,0.0,0.09198986162089733,0.0,0.0,0.16678166519607618
suicidewatch,purushothamkvn,2018/04/12,"How to help someone who is suicidal? Hello guys, One of my classmates who is kind of a loner,tried to kill himself last month and I unfortunately live in a country where mental health is not taken seriously, so the victim blaming is rife out here. I don't know him very well but i want to genuinely help him. From what I've  gathered he has been neglected by his parents and bullied a lot through out his life. I made a move and I'm kinda like friends now with him. But I still don't get how to make him appreciate this gift that we call life. Professional help is not advisory because again, mental health is a taboo so even he won't go to seek help. But i want to help him. The terrible part ofcourse is people including teachers making fun of him after the suicide attempt it's gotten outrageous. ",4.082763713080169,5.5831075506329135,5.22854430379747,81.02779535864978,71.59493670886077,8.051476793248945,29.62236286919831,8.59863814320734,2.262289451476793,635,26,123,11,12,210,105,158,0.185,0.599,0.21600000000000005,0.4462,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,1,11,11,3,0,8,0,12,4,0,5,0,24,23,10,3,2,5,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,6,1,1,4,0,17,5,17,18,2,12,0,1,0,0,25,4,0,2,7,82,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787498715247545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719742967911192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521240809561908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137308205092852,0.0,0.07531455532358168,0.0,0.08192608380748573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273519978178573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064580851180471,0.0,0.0,0.4831171947950317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948512763965486,0.15011428783201694,0.07922331058683249,0.1175048124799941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364057499884333,0.07042640036066734,0.0,0.1272906907308214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225546409921396,0.0,0.13640207285144462,0.1924479311131688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905468077792781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506240869339204,0.15321297005903595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768253309309836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006604266488986,0.15610481732886575,0.0,0.09993828607679456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214128137068135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512163184558832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153623254622482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787115554150727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894221029465868,0.17005161865475724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961182714117653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rightarmshit,2018/04/12,"As close as i ever have been Its 207am. I dont have any friends that i can ring at this time of morning. I dont want to ring my parents by upsetting them. I cant afford to drink because i have work in the morning and thats how id normally get through it.

I just dont know what to do or who to turn to. 

Im thinking about drinking some vodka really quickly to get my blood alcohol level up and putting my car into a tree. That way it might be deemed an accident rather than suicide and my parents wouldnt have to live with the fact i killed myself.",2.9872478991596623,3.407245067226892,4.490241596638658,89.36376575630253,73.11764705882355,7.6306722689075634,28.320378151260506,7.6454224807358475,1.448570588235294,429,16,99,5,8,144,80,119,0.165,0.835,0.0,-0.9582,3,0,4,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,1,4,0,14,4,1,1,2,19,20,7,2,4,3,2,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,9,6,3,0,2,3,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,2,14,1,19,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,3,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514271727759395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144709717022183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990248561500664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762143299634961,0.3210888869713288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824293586810924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661677785722902,0.0,0.17124580096402972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702341025049248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131394593756456,0.0,0.0900666492564179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471303850770365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385558308368174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160572038996676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639487422520716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474921332295547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498862352934936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792630713466897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050105865642302,0.0,0.0,0.09556238473524477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825930310244012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666333923319904,0.1300839081339133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930988640898076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wanttodie456,2018/04/12,"Opioids If a person has no opioid tolerance and they buy something they know is fentanyl or something else quite strong, what are the chances of it actually killing them? It's not something a person would want to survive and end up becoming addicted to opioids...",7.748652482269503,8.957630531914894,7.090212765957446,72.13333333333334,62.829787234042556,9.670921985815603,43.326241134751776,9.725611199111238,4.682764539007091,213,13,33,4,3,66,38,47,0.123,0.71,0.166,0.0754,0,0,6,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,6,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2385371536040365,0.26647453509067065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699636147160832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419737627337228,0.0,0.2165003556011266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27043548056388805,0.0,0.13433725380851802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268693238529546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599909109798106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645431357298033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417642538893305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364241616259155,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Khanelo,2018/04/12,"No Mas I haven’t slept in 4 days coming up on 5 now, my sister had been on the phone till now 1:13am talking loud. I don’t know if life is better here or dead. 

Im sick as a dog, waiting to see if my cancer is going to relapse no money no health no sanity. What’s the point anymore legit. 

I think if I cannot solve this now then there is no point pretending I want to be alive

It’s against my own religion to kill my self, I go straight to hell but if I’m living hell on earth why does it matter.",0.2765178571428564,1.66446504464286,2.579785714285716,96.51521428571432,81.58928571428572,5.551428571428572,18.34285714285714,6.2581,-0.3604849999999997,383,8,96,3,10,131,79,112,0.25,0.675,0.075,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,0,3,0,9,5,1,0,0,12,19,9,2,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,1,1,3,8,3,0,0,3,2,10,1,13,15,1,17,2,0,1,0,4,8,2,5,6,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639911938841954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081901117597365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533476233984335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372901553736018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859930922260933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27094247898435264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533763040651243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574806475261525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263721234041677,0.0,0.13100199085668007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836787396563002,0.0,0.0,0.21048519406396934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506736463321915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995013364809574,0.0,0.24867203470096225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159288313344974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273795588616992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059688005437115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509196840041575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-normkonform-,2018/04/12,Mental illness can be lethal. Suicide is not always a choice. It doesn't even have to be due to suicide. In a lot more cases secondary problems like drug use or bad eating habits can lead to health problems.,2.998750000000001,5.494853375000003,3.0599999999999987,90.935,77.75,4.0,25.0,3.1291,0.29000000000000004,165,6,30,0,4,50,33,40,0.394,0.5589999999999999,0.047,-0.9619,0,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,2,0,7,8,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,19,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472730069716816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054354417391341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853315081273228,0.25176318571099565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250893384862794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26153196667293105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020407283381462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091767705931004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479532495277013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708594179339719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382617277721397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250196180364467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ciggypopculture,2018/04/12,Been depressed for most of my life. I've been depressed for most of my life and for the last year I've been spiraling down into a deeper depression since my best friend left me. Now I spend most of my time in my room playing video games and watching TV by myself. The only time I go out is when I want to watch a movie or get something to eat. I dont have anyone close to me: family or friends to talk to nowadays. I stopped my medication and my health has been on a steep decline as I lost self esteem of myself. I also quit my job out of being mentally unstable lately. I really need someone to talk to since I cant even talk to my therapist anymore.,4.801764705882351,4.594677411764707,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,69.0,9.15294117647059,29.5,8.841846274778883,2.106076470588236,512,17,109,8,8,172,83,136,0.122,0.7809999999999999,0.097,-0.5267,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,5,0,10,5,0,0,0,15,15,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,7,1,1,0,4,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,22,4,24,9,4,18,0,4,2,0,7,9,0,5,8,74,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939994361043912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807141907760024,0.10439821742831563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668742158013696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857910826586708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498550442363056,0.0,0.0,0.15277729866074422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861519606814627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075239635551812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307068698889764,0.0,0.0780062156663591,0.0,0.08485403299176011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870528198506634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816315349468134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217043067540958,0.16842365629341366,0.0,0.16222139139832,0.0,0.21091846779857887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162985121760374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504100738002023,0.15046531743716013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070849727876328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355393086052926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880529527828055,0.0,0.0,0.0956492382696715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557587065397905,0.0,0.0,0.2470149101451596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650647800324438,0.11494304298181116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482649034945435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600194894650922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335575830096284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412304304769258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806453933243254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961481602370559
suicidewatch,wooaahhnice,2018/04/12,"2 Hours. Then I'm gone. 2 Hours, and then I'm going to do it.  I'm going to hang myself.  I know I'm a burden on everyone around me and that I'm not wanted around.  I'm so tired of feeling depressed and alone.  I feel like I've lost a close friend of mine because I feel depressed.  There's no point staying around any longer or putting it off.",-0.6841333333333317,1.3457979200000023,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,89.8,3.8666666666666663,17.666666666666668,5.033348758259628,-0.8035333333333332,264,7,64,1,9,87,47,75,0.256,0.648,0.097,-0.9058,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,16,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,2,3,6,2,9,14,0,17,0,3,0,0,1,7,0,1,5,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593702555794928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286512505148762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50524020646601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532449054535973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258868999557433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807729178348441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869705481680113,0.1351527124846649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616268365085114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150346573839262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726152299290084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397029039549496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242548995705548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651611114243007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883953356868093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901816454040724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164441290256727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174385747307741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158531524872732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sl3Ep_W4Lk3r,2018/04/12,"How can I change my friends mind about suicidal people? My friend believes that people who commit suicide only do it for attention, how can I change his mind? This doesn’t make much sense to me since if you’re dead how are you going to enjoy the attention killing ones self attracts but you know I’m sure you awesome people can help me.",4.438181818181818,6.011671303030305,4.397393939393943,87.04609090909094,70.81818181818181,7.098181818181819,26.83636363636364,7.554174236665415,1.4038581818181814,270,9,52,3,5,83,49,66,0.132,0.597,0.271,0.885,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,3,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,2,13,10,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,5,4,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176523437953404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976710352155953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29043304857264624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682133348408948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259848404285192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794859480139705,0.0,0.103297256338968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254639772362981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379569670549078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817136542424854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736576628791624,0.14295115846832804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909209554037844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960820499357182,0.0,0.0,0.15548148486189686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111929018318669,0.0,0.1771489710198149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ni2Ro,2018/04/12,"I need to let this out My whole life I've been a failure to everyone around me and myself.  
I've never been happy, nor will I ever be, lately I found a slivver of hope for my future, an amazing boyfriend, the first person to ever care about me, but I blew it with my stupidity, I did stupid stuff, made him upset, started to hate myself, which made him angry, which made me start to talk about what a piece of shit I am, and now he broke up with me, for obvious reasons. I really hope he can get a worthwhile girlfriend instead of me, he deserves all the happiness the world has to offer.  
Now My life will return into eternal darkness and pain, I've atempted suicide twice already, and failed, like I do everything in life.  
I trust no one, and no one will ever trust me.  
Is suicide the answer to happiness? no  
Is it the way to stop feeling? yes  
And if all I feel is pain, I want to stop feeling
",5.601270718232048,5.011926613259668,6.333088397790058,81.89554419889504,67.39779005524862,8.786961325966853,31.359668508287285,7.908726449838941,2.054027182320442,691,24,142,7,10,228,104,181,0.308,0.517,0.17600000000000002,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,0,2,9,19,4,1,10,1,15,6,1,4,7,35,31,9,2,5,2,0,3,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,7,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,9,0,4,7,3,25,10,23,19,4,22,0,2,0,0,9,6,1,3,16,107,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057923385921225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533809074977027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064452338294852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32110665488069057,0.0,0.1130686381266965,0.10634667070010426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949242315971708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065077188420453,0.0,0.1297418792976653,0.0,0.0,0.061822132240696576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778909567815501,0.0,0.11682560442320065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350552245401917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348051130140204,0.0,0.0,0.12099964185601425,0.2507382770115373,0.05780967858904916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358978997949469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877396153687294,0.09126278723487016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036588020846748,0.0,0.2518212603181961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332050847559576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580472666846301,0.12166214320536363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146324123936572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750805824614487,0.0,0.0,0.19785704838016,0.0,0.0,0.13545864392229,0.2588659164844888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510854272662622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979363823533861,0.09392422501186648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211034546323816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Diogenes_Tub,2018/04/12,Would really like to kill my self I moved away from my old city kept contact with a of my old friends and have told them I'd like to kill myself. But it seems like they're getting tired of me telling them cause half the time they dont respond. My sister sexually abused me as a child and now I hate being touched by a woman and fear them and have never been in a relationship. I can't figure out what career I'd like to go in and even if I did the local college offers very little and nothing I'm interested in. I have no car so I can't even go where I want. I've told my mom about this a lot and when I told her again last night she just said not this again. When I told my dad he just saw said forget about what happened and get confidence (just get it out of thin air I guess) I've seen a therapist yet for about a year yet it it didn't help whatsoever. I mainly can't go back seeing one because they're all an hour+ away and my parents won't drive me that far. I'm at my wits end and just want to end it all I'm so fucking tired.,0.9342576419213984,2.3872041179039343,2.736635371179041,95.8359574235808,79.87336244541486,5.802707423580786,19.310262008733627,6.508806274219699,-0.20549449781659448,809,18,200,7,20,269,128,229,0.149,0.764,0.087,-0.9466,1,0,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,4,0,20,11,4,1,10,0,13,3,0,1,3,33,39,17,2,4,7,4,2,4,1,2,2,2,0,3,10,13,0,1,2,0,0,6,9,5,0,2,12,7,29,6,23,24,4,38,0,0,3,1,27,14,1,4,22,123,39,2,0.0,0.1317688244253584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897592254843486,0.08551567595425462,0.0,0.06779420938974283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424604365346605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303404171192036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700282607923264,0.0,0.0,0.1469098349849195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514516901420308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592263042770706,0.10281431831936044,0.17431208467238216,0.0,0.18961416417014565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251329061155188,0.0,0.09834499388905243,0.0,0.0,0.10979948394982612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745435062354872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952207462680523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608067638159625,0.0,0.0,0.09065316672819312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733156554925048,0.11146430866253124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945490322370058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025093113382102,0.0,0.11820146448936443,0.0,0.0,0.0857740646126844,0.0,0.0,0.10436555395772834,0.0,0.10671155313356863,0.0,0.2333979714627409,0.0,0.07536058117133325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348850525328765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124568205959064,0.0,0.0,0.11940078387137493,0.0,0.0,0.2115774269774392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862209661795949,0.10124383492009044,0.11601906596328515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720477260408696,0.0,0.0,0.1291264777696181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484900030906919,0.25564520068540586,0.0,0.4250738758345482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917620971711034,0.13119222449662174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900228758580095,0.0,0.0,0.07161731111282572
suicidewatch,therantingirishman,2018/04/12,"just wanted to say goodbye. I am going to shoot myself. I am tired of being broke,i am tired of having no where to put my stuff,and I am  tired of living with my parents. No matter how hard I try I can't get ahead. ",0.5643749999999983,1.700583354166671,3.1025000000000027,94.1925,80.04166666666666,4.800000000000002,16.166666666666668,3.1291,-0.9850583333333334,163,2,39,0,4,57,32,48,0.338,0.64,0.022,-0.93,1,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,5,10,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,8,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966357828786665,0.0,0.13016830945087987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517422024390367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224589350811675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543210319089772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302477523577581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214124019390124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621951953817075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7897409290144323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550264663911673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350933102800949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gothkittyscratches,2018/04/12,"I think about suicide everyday I realised today that i pretty much think about suicide everyday. Sometimes the future looks possibly promising, but i feel too screwed up to actually ever get there. I feel like im wasting away.
I was really upset last night and i realised i didnt have anyone i felt i could talk to. I have alot of friends but i couldnt think of anyone i could feel safe enough with to talk about it. Not my mom or my ""best friends"", noone. I just sat there crying and feeling stupid and alone and worthless like i do most of the time anyway. ",2.452818181818184,4.81332519090909,3.2209090909090925,89.78136363636364,78.9090909090909,5.8181818181818175,24.54545454545455,6.980632752743323,0.9768181818181816,441,16,87,5,11,139,67,110,0.242,0.563,0.195,-0.8068,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,1,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,25,19,7,2,3,5,1,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,6,17,7,12,12,5,11,0,1,1,1,5,2,1,3,11,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.15044796812595093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967392980181733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155989091422744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484806668382544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179221255472645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461848704574547,0.0,0.16934882925853426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929912656380368,0.0,0.0,0.13945585781556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118125328474725,0.1101392892147334,0.14802765987658054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822317423113895,0.0,0.08054761574608311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653037384447136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566936687456778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063963692698526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294642186217667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805623856416215,0.0,0.0,0.1133329055387508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467837763137212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380384256671969,0.0,0.15684661475527073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876543842997383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247836341137555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372745587222617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478324857475961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29635829882765163,0.0,0.0,0.08989793854333025,0.0,0.14613541255216858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoxiousQuadrumvirate,2018/04/12,"I'm an arrogant prick and I'll never be better than that The only reason I ever got out of the gutter and tried to do something with my life was because one person figured I might be worth the effort. But now they're gone, and there's no one left with any expectations for me. I don't have anyone to make proud anymore. 

And I've gotten so damn arrogant about it all too. I'm not a smart person, I'm not a hard worker, I'm not a charitable and responsible young adult. It's all a fucking farce, a scam. I bluffed my way through school. I'm completely unable to keep a partner satisfied without them cheating on me. I'm a piece-of-shit schizophrenic heroin addict, and I used it to get an advantage. I got leniency where I didn't deserve it, extra time on exams when I could have finished without it. All of these things I never earned. People think I'm clean and on medication, but I'm not. They think I'm working hard, but I'm not. I only help people so I can convince myself I'm a good person, and even then I'm shit at helping them. I'm a shit teacher, they're just all too polite to say it. I'm dragging myself along all day and convincing people that I'm somehow better than they are. 

I'm not better or stronger. I can't keep pretending that I belong anywhere but in the ground. I was going to kill myself when I was 8 but just never got around to it, that's how unorganised I am. I was too curious; I wanted to see what would happen next. But I can't keep being curious because this game isn't fun anymore. I've made all of the moves I'm capable of making. Now I'm just prolonging things because I'm scared to die, and that isn't good enough. I knew this was coming, I've had 22 years on Earth to prepare for it. 

I'm bored of the game and I think I'm done hurting people. ",2.348847517730494,3.700295196808512,4.299063829787237,86.5636666666667,75.75531914893618,6.9282269503546114,24.235460992907804,7.554174236665415,1.0817169503546111,1398,44,297,18,30,478,177,376,0.189,0.706,0.105,-0.9859,0,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,4,9,20,22,7,1,17,0,25,8,3,6,10,65,69,24,2,4,18,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,1,5,19,17,0,3,6,3,2,4,18,10,0,2,15,4,32,12,34,48,8,31,0,1,1,1,14,11,5,3,15,184,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381178489700506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475781190432063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887973524968232,0.06658512423003453,0.0,0.0,0.08477246334796336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414898736257015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526623562697693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202986468105675,0.09984398517148604,0.0,0.0,0.07603122969489277,0.0,0.0,0.061413713870867526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883087611995836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745056365877604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839523005181164,0.0,0.0628967164662121,0.08613852133293902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803608047975148,0.049752320382537636,0.0,0.054119854412795335,0.15974423905907045,0.2284858509442255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420916403787468,0.0,0.1706098661909574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765766911580936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194276651482302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539271300802044,0.1053548697524285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034647119951353,0.0,0.06726183993716249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901063492998206,0.1271298898939522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593146028869616,0.0,0.10102108923171907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121152200112066,0.0,0.0,0.22033543319896984,0.0,0.10127528638831444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290569309304274,0.14484926619266858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26407440665417065,0.24944634810156216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790949790623436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572855054693414,0.09533911395636492,0.096375085381252,0.07588380838074232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29324828538658754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331060802429235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652953913333528,0.18305337649940498,0.0,0.0,0.05552778935427325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465306826535319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224578996086078,0.0,0.0,0.05616751354722233,0.07558697775544862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835913881746468,0.0,0.06932658973250541,0.0,0.0,0.06764672335213424,0.0,0.0,0.061323242403727336
suicidewatch,LiteraIly_Satan_,2018/04/12,"My laziness is destroying my life I can just spend hours doing nothing but browsing the internet and doing jack shit. I'm still young I can still do something. But what IS WRONG WITH ME WHY WON'T I DO ANYTHING. I'm fucking worthless, how do i fix my retarded brain. 

I'm literally too lazy to get a job and buy a .45 ACP to end it. But maybe if i destroy my life enough I will do something desperate like jump off a building.",1.002068965517239,3.3715802988505814,2.722540229885059,91.03898275862068,85.09195402298852,5.778850574712644,25.94137931034483,7.1686216300943375,1.2968813793103453,334,15,70,5,10,110,59,87,0.321,0.647,0.032,-0.9855,1,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,4,0,12,5,2,1,0,9,17,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,1,4,15,1,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,6,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875484687896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560566847341883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315683962646167,0.23700414123766805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120521049754847,0.11983818687791725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588669404738834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22761780616123944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240265733202414,0.11206030615596163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304365109707388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009005979972987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544860189824865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531658534516287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36635594730737947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069739072779399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25078391495049923,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShockterDockaloo,2018/04/12,To those who hurt... I consider you all my brothers and sisters though we come from different walks of life. You are loved and you matter.,4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,70.53846153846153,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.141292307692308,108,4,21,2,2,33,23,26,0.0,0.821,0.179,0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756504193414236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556181988253882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668402555461191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30802121247319003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935856300413212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284533576025261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Galdravakr,2018/04/12,Just Took 1250mg of Zoloft In truth it's somewhere between 1250 and 1300mg as I took 50 last night at around 10pm as part of my actual medication. I just don't want to live anymore. Life is shit. Don't know why I'm posting this.,0.3858823529411737,2.1661887647058826,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,82.92156862745098,5.648627450980393,20.003921568627447,6.742157984588678,-0.024461960784313508,181,5,45,2,5,60,41,51,0.105,0.846,0.05,-0.3658,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,7,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,9,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2431128958318667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470679367415095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217766515205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691418002623734,0.20307249129915975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175966405212762,0.0,0.0,0.21998450225432045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097015231196523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337896602284001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697812412080589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385956654036692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25572621198236384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535805328456409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694209165073832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479918275433292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,txnnix,2018/04/12,"My boyfriend wants to kill himself and I don't know how to stop him. It's terrifying. It's killing me emotionally because I feel like he's fading away and I can't grip him anymore.

It's scary. I don't want him to die.",-0.5524999999999984,1.5702520833333369,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,90.66666666666666,4.866666666666667,22.583333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.29905833333333304,172,7,42,2,6,58,32,48,0.425,0.529,0.046,-0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,7,3,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,10,1,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,23,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27640336542870764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618552651929409,0.0,0.0,0.16989776106079765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892548184876825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135088967590386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409230985068698,0.19910899362184264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6166980385773994,0.0,0.15317058390201835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616261155278778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330123007003902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287783043891342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NewAndExistingUser,2018/04/12,"I'm done I read over some posts to see if anyone felt the same way I do, I really don't empathize with the other posters here. If you've, for some reason read through other posts here and don't find the answers you're looking for,  I'm sorry you suffer the way you do and I sympathize deeply with you.  I want you to know, I care for you. Don't kill yourself because you're feeling helpless or lonely or think you, as a person are hopeless. A lot of your problems have answers and ends that can be achieved. 

I'm wondering if maybe someone out there can offer some guidance on what to do next for me. I'm bored and unsatisfied with life, I don't think I'm going to hang around much longer. I'm definitely not interested in changing my life for the better, I'm minimizing my impact on others taking care of debt, friends, and so on. I'll probably be ready within a month.",4.839392236976508,5.064350814606744,5.702931562819206,82.99697139938716,68.9438202247191,8.270480081716038,29.664964249233908,8.00094639256281,1.840375280898876,687,24,142,8,11,226,101,178,0.139,0.728,0.133,-0.0403,1,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,7,0,2,5,12,1,0,8,0,14,2,0,1,0,33,34,12,1,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,10,2,1,2,5,7,0,0,2,4,17,5,24,30,6,17,0,4,2,0,10,8,0,10,3,89,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843453684675328,0.0,0.0,0.13805279943216545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453445247896924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715438644659364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31622586038207096,0.0,0.1640525567297524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869921184329594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735357686041236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841238092725362,0.0,0.14889973982784327,0.0,0.14173899688906766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981331290906765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813472101052408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715714529072176,0.0,0.08522712244500806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907315020843016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022693519487252,0.0,0.0,0.13184224840734088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579726028058352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378222926926245,0.0,0.11400058720595475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492781083654784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354086193539812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970447909239182,0.0,0.1672009197848125,0.1483892407559578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102410584681085,0.0,0.09934729832564647,0.15944659082834273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357753644051887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139756298822766,0.0,0.0,0.1735977545549383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659977943969502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198736162453474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914693542702674,0.24618828963184064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817608611824378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matt_m_31,2018/04/12,Suicidal but not sad In some of my previous attempts I cried or wrote notes you know. But now whenever I'm suicidal it's completely emotionless. Almost cold. Like those thoughts became so routine I stopped thinking they were bad. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not because I think I'll just do it and have nothing to stop me. ,2.9230348258706433,4.981233865671643,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,76.01492537313433,8.048756218905472,30.56965174129353,8.841846274778883,2.605947263681593,267,13,54,6,6,86,55,67,0.267,0.585,0.147,-0.9004,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,20,11,7,2,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,7,3,3,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,5,4,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378369151959223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831506369007404,0.14478691004175978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24902990797996105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26089902163470163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992162726922588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053200591930886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603780807264286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279020020005441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971462697269813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196056139164562,0.0,0.2238550311334335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779438006707314,0.3043799812729337,0.0,0.18856034099766275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iplanonsleepingin,2018/04/12,"just venting Hey all 

I dunno how to start this rant/stream of consciousness off, but I've been felt completely empty as of late...Well, I've felt depressed for years but I feel like I've been in this terrible depressing state for a month now. I would've thought it'd last a few days, but no. I'm still in it.

I don't enjoy anything anymore or not as much as I used to by a far margin, so every morning just feels wasted. I don't think there has been a morning where I didn't think of dying or how painful this day will continue to be and that I should just close my eyes and think I'm somewhere else. I'm mediocre at everything and seemed to have a haze over my eyes regarding how good at things I actually was. 

I'm in my final year of high school education and I realize how important it is, but I'm not doing anything. I seem 'satisfied' with  just seeing my life wither away, apart from those times where it all comes to me and I cry in the dark. 

I have no purpose and don't know what I want to do. I'd like to have a purpose in the world. I don't want to be an aimless person wandering around this world that will be forgotten but I'm  certainly not doing anything to change that. I opened my maths book open a few days ago and simply couldn't think. Nothing came to my head. I didn't know what to do. My writing seemed alien and the mind fog was real.

Late last year I said to myself that I'd change myself. It was an on and off routine and it's barely evident in my life anymore. I thought having the stride to change myself would, well, guarantee some progress but I've come to realize that these thoughts/hope materialized because I'm getting older and realize I need to be something in life. 

The school break starts tomorrow and I haven't thought of it at all. I've been thinking of nothing. I used to dream about what I'd do in the school holidays but it hasn't occurred to me at all. I don't care about anything and it won't get better. 

I don't trust the statement 'it gets better', because that's dependent on me. I'm not a great person and isolate people - and while I could work on myself, I'm still surrounded by toxicity myself. It won't get better but I just wanted a place to vent because I've got nobody else to talk to and when I did, I realized that some people don't care for emotional talk - unless it's about their own strifes in life.

I don't think I'll kill myself this year, or the next. Regardless of my successes, but I think it's inevitable. I don't think so many years of sadness and depressing feelings fly away just like that - regardless of what you do. I feel like it's stuck with me forever.

If you gave me the option to kill myself with no pain done to any party, I'd accept. I really would. Maybe I'd struggle with my words, but whatever.",2.8568888888888893,4.227103539130436,4.127942028985508,88.22590338164255,74.47826086956522,7.476328502415459,25.299516908212556,8.094773233980128,1.3454444444444444,2185,72,472,34,45,718,231,575,0.151,0.753,0.096,-0.9824,0,0,1,0,0,3,55.0,0,2,1,7,24,27,2,1,20,0,48,9,3,7,5,113,101,43,3,12,25,0,6,4,0,7,6,1,0,2,34,28,0,0,29,3,0,3,23,10,1,0,21,10,58,17,70,66,10,65,0,4,3,0,11,34,0,12,30,298,92,7,0.0,0.0,0.06563657090266015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962239800763198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045739464123722116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340873664656,0.0,0.0,0.22139872763199164,0.05987612817605125,0.0,0.0,0.126386956466529,0.0,0.0,0.12300417703151828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784594080647922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769281233051605,0.1371531778181919,0.0,0.21345815415759506,0.11587797494444504,0.07052138179820021,0.0,0.0,0.053702056951062574,0.0,0.07388252947095103,0.1301324247853561,0.0,0.17379417738959108,0.0,0.06980580689297901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883087042676457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237507753741864,0.0756590387009379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056669894055406775,0.0,0.060449423761267884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360357715396152,0.09610186638957303,0.12916130558719205,0.07368061853547841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056339498136622,0.0,0.0,0.05641493803256613,0.05379438698702258,0.0741549673363452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902870431106663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106443855017361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488276130274595,0.0,0.07392925212068295,0.10965261162250532,0.1517456059209054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190032394500724,0.13144038212110018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819161638017678,0.06757223876956997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791395741263621,0.0,0.053686710129232366,0.0,0.049444225685860745,0.04987282775435092,0.0,0.0,0.07153233242689176,0.0,0.0,0.12907657739605988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431398837110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932599596400644,0.1174585938413366,0.07027293396914308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655720376100182,0.043088815242850034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398016270630433,0.0,0.0,0.20421372945998145,0.05359793095125858,0.18369437015287035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178043894641924,0.0,0.0,0.0952146929441998,0.0,0.10742868585286702,0.0,0.0,0.0703153055734166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812292598818228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468490476740576,0.3447826334627223,0.0,0.16019203364800294,0.03922015358999376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161829978072803,0.0,0.0,0.11901600263799733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604752905146521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048966463977736234,0.0,0.0,0.14333984355851254,0.0,0.0,0.21656786751996948
suicidewatch,KILLERCROC77,2018/04/12,"Done I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have enough money to go to college or get a car and I'm 19 now. I keep disappointing my family and friends and I'm not sleeping anymore. They don't know how I feel which I want to keep it like that. I think I might just end it and stop being a burden to everyone around me. 
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suicidewatch,TopOfBullshit,2018/04/12,"I think I'm just gonna kill myself soon. I've already failed once before and no one seems to care then. I'm a burden to my family, friends, and the person I love the most. They all say they care, that they love me, but I know the only reason they put up with is because I'm suicidal. I needed a place to vent and no one else is awake. I'm currently trying to find a way to do it with hurting people on my life the least.",2.7290322580645174,2.774981419354841,4.538870967741938,90.12830645161293,73.51612903225806,7.490322580645162,21.951612903225808,7.1686216300943375,0.4349870967741931,324,6,78,3,6,111,61,93,0.21,0.6759999999999999,0.114,-0.8934,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,4,1,2,9,1,0,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,15,16,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,12,5,9,15,3,8,0,2,0,2,9,3,0,2,3,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641878819441628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402640863354845,0.0,0.1591692136819967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814281273215519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625965094126482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633790465629642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709640068225665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451748985956067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002452221152337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694758456872933,0.0,0.10280001032150604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212180264048415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376471543431523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386982029668233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920645134968232,0.2535053214973923,0.1422630289210466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296797213359027,0.163328375614135,0.19543166284322167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880409782076244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923227103374138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875288304570944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028697577779295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046067632897027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985667804668595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699741686277008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484747929364679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,616940125,2018/04/12,"I don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm so tired. I have too many issues that seem (and probably are) insurmountable for me and I feel as if my only way out is to just end it all. I've had these thoughts for years but now they're daily. The only thing stopping me from doing it is the fear of hurting my friends and family, but I don't even think me being gone will matter in the long run. The world goes on with or without me, so why shouldn't I just fucking kill myself? I don't know what to do anymore.",1.4550450450450467,2.671049819819821,3.2524324324324314,93.71126126126127,77.82882882882882,6.014414414414415,21.34234234234234,6.42735559955562,0.10938558558558542,394,10,94,3,9,132,76,111,0.107,0.797,0.095,-0.0998,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,1,4,0,15,2,0,0,1,23,24,11,1,3,8,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,1,14,1,12,18,1,12,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,4,5,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883106017333238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733977435333042,0.0,0.0,0.12930694648507113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455839778092145,0.22030029064079826,0.09898926717924032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512545838161558,0.18099000054265013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958022286192948,0.0,0.0,0.2043372964147878,0.0,0.0,0.21659503501008995,0.0,0.21518465055802047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325391761331455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848420917069834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977900495336496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107759164396067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822538763724535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636759135618636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006361273472875,0.12544413809813434,0.0,0.15542276700997662,0.0,0.2250135281112144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539636783491828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665567429702966,0.0,0.0,0.18871924592893352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607210152297105
suicidewatch,LiIkingtrashmouth,2018/04/12,"I'm schizophrenic (or something like it) and I don't want to be on meds. I'm only 21 and I've been on so many medications. So fucking many, it's just one after the other and I eventually quit them on my own because I *hate* them. I hate the side effects. I hate not being able to cry when I'm sad, I hate that I don't laugh as much, I hate not having a sex drive, I hate that if I miss a pill I feel like shit.

So I quit taking them, and eventually, the psychosis comes back. I get delusional, I hallucinate more, I get paranoid and anxious and I stop taking care of myself.

Usually, my delusions are nonsensical and they don't hurt anyone but me. Things like thinking 'They' (random shadow figures idk) are everywhere, watching me from wherever i'm not looking. Or thinking aliens are surveying the earth, but especially me because i know about them and that they want to hurt/kill me to keep it a secret. Or that everyone around me, especially cops/doctors/celebrities are lizard people wearing human skin. (Yeah, idk, that's actually a common conspiracy theory that I read about and then got carried away with).

But not the last time this happened, but the time before it, I thought my mom was trying to convince me to kill myself. I thought she had been doing exactly that since the day I was born, and everything she'd ever done was part of her trying to convince me to kill myself. I cut her off and I really hurt her. Things are okay now, but it made me realize that I'm capable of hurting people. And what if i have a delusion that someone is trying to hurt me, and I ""defend myself""? What if I hurt some innocent person because I'm crazy and I think they're scared?

I don't want to live on meds. I'm unhappy. I'm miserable on them, I hate it and i hate who I am on them, I hate my quality of life. But if I'm not on them, I go crazy for random periods of time and there's a chance I could hurt somebody. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do. There are no solutions to this, there's nothing that can fix it, this is just what my life is. Miserable and medicated, or miserable, crazy, but unmedicated.

I'm also thousands of dollars in debt with shitty credit due to hospital bills, including bills from my last suicide attempt. I don't work because my mental health is shit (I'm also autistic) and I can't even take a fucking shower regularly, how am I supposed to go to work? But I'm not 'disabled enough' to get SSI according to the social security office and the judge at my least SSI hearing.

This SUCKS. I hate this. I hate my life, I hate who I am, I hate what my life will always be and I hate every single medication they have ever put me on. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't keep doing this. I am literally, *literally* only alive because someone is co-writing with me and I want to finish the story. But the story is just fucked up, will never be published, and is basically just a mixture of us venting our past sexual trauma.

I feel like everyone would be better without me because I'm a financial burden and I could hurt them, one day, because I won't stay on my fucking meds.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I'm just... looking for something, anything at all that I haven't heard before. I know there's nothing anyone can say, but this is like a last-ditch effort before I say fuck it and end it all.",2.723339469808544,4.343177926362298,4.640370029455081,83.38939156848309,75.33284241531666,7.442047128129603,26.410714285714285,8.192908349453996,1.7162617083946985,2608,97,528,44,56,892,264,679,0.235,0.674,0.091,-0.9988,2,0,2,0,0,5,100.0,2,0,12,8,25,53,25,4,21,2,59,20,4,3,6,96,131,51,3,12,30,1,3,5,0,4,10,4,1,2,40,29,0,4,15,1,5,5,22,40,0,3,12,11,102,13,55,107,10,47,0,12,4,6,30,17,8,11,29,362,142,5,0.044838523528981766,0.0,0.04375593092950728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171470213282873,0.03730924351534199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065476880944634,0.08893553374012603,0.06270427639812863,0.0,0.036898284374548285,0.03991579225982144,0.0,0.0,0.04212726884941484,0.03447805687690508,0.0,0.1913320343699688,0.0,0.11446284302957235,0.0,0.0,0.039656030297419285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571586306873941,0.0,0.0,0.038624417746013134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159982498805181,0.0,0.04925301264172529,0.05783427655538469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588537717300699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971362306780018,0.046330180898297685,0.0,0.029615421908705555,0.08111802317176374,0.03777838994282953,0.08569026148930815,0.040297973743161464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534340948628377,0.0640653003365304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072624624210065,0.07027883370624607,0.0,0.05096553245140111,0.0,0.035861463343203816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03965055827518059,0.0,0.0,0.619762626513393,0.0,0.04766125376742028,0.05053627478179148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840045344814123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970907983653712,0.09921436580973232,0.0,0.09856831961133514,0.10964814358240588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668310080479175,0.10952918857476852,0.0,0.039593237755923175,0.0,0.11295920068088022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242729511326576,0.0,0.09091845034767176,0.0,0.0,0.14941647455741508,0.1355102856105774,0.045186685583928715,0.0,0.0,0.05251433683695626,0.0,0.0,0.032961473980442364,0.0,0.03458223355284523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604754525544991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076748794669566,0.06820343529008753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048555751499667066,0.042803444293104315,0.06217077303674179,0.03915126924303017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507510062992589,0.0,0.09538257811205607,0.04485065747024198,0.0,0.028724706328679257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131478719360422,0.044891184196184285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205220011120567,0.037090890011690913,0.0,0.0,0.045707228089380963,0.07598307095919536,0.06903777204933975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047791900126503584,0.0,0.037487013406406984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904606715384994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113896841206983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957744530846521,0.0861921461314321,0.0,0.07119355834066222,0.07843711095481143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132724259458098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393522298357769,0.0,0.049383298928284115,0.0,0.13223461451739776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043222736615494944,0.0,0.06528595830667312,0.0,0.0,0.03185200063490043,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AffectionateSeason,2018/04/12,"Failing out of college in my last semester I was supposed to graduate last semester. I failed a bunch of classes because I didn't do any work. I am now on academic probation and 1 month away from ""graduation"". I probably won't be graduating though because I am very behind in my classes, haven't attended any labs and haven't even been put in a group for a project that was started 2 months ago. 

I'm going to kill myself in 1 month, to the day. The day before I should've graduated. There's really nothing anyone can say or do to stop me. The only way I'm not killing myself is if I manage to pass my classes with a C average: highly highly unlikely. I've disappointed and let down my parents 1 too many times. I have given my parents ~$100k in debt up to this point. I hate myself",4.074442538593484,4.969057553459122,6.003247570040022,77.76740994854205,70.94968553459121,9.303830760434533,31.43567753001715,9.573946990214177,2.9595358490566035,617,27,121,14,11,215,102,159,0.154,0.8220000000000001,0.024,-0.9615,3,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,3,0,7,0,16,0,0,0,0,9,22,6,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,6,0,0,5,1,19,0,22,14,1,30,0,3,0,0,4,13,0,2,12,78,21,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331398945264313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427717209054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502069542671838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111430113324505,0.0,0.0,0.18311645403450025,0.0,0.12780592825025408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937282843289114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992031926007762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853599781114589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828768073776086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173811241855469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33233974753179313,0.0,0.0,0.24485994582269785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358582007357244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227540179248475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596555906638708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441173323668092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142310001183579,0.0,0.0,0.3335502751570413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198398394571754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193693801269485,0.0,0.0,0.15098869444015808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621955017588517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194420695923104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630966381404686,0.0,0.0,0.1255707726348652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756703222705475,0.0,0.08758062887060986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392761859749628,0.0,0.11921877537776565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093446434089012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScoobyJeew,2018/04/12,"I can’t even kill myself Tried to overdose but I still somehow fucked that up, honestly don’t know what to do with myself just tired of being used for my money I guess. My mom said once I get out of here I can finally get a tattoo which is good. Thinking about getting a rose on my hand. I honestly feel so selfish for what I did but I can’t help it, I just feel like a burden on everybody and everything around me. I’m finally able to support my family with my business but being in hs at the same time is just too much. I don’t know why I’m posting here honestly, I just want to die. thanks for your time. ",1.6524755244755267,3.1344982615384644,3.632937062937064,90.06569930069931,77.92307692307692,7.18881118881119,23.356643356643357,8.00094639256281,1.0968461538461542,474,15,107,8,11,161,80,130,0.17,0.601,0.229,0.8026,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,0,13,11,2,0,4,0,11,3,1,1,0,22,28,5,2,1,7,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,4,20,7,19,24,2,13,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,2,6,76,25,0,0.1746450594931294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547112985167946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125399885492935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153514146784276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569597182939806,0.0,0.16463981907786485,0.0,0.17661157915324396,0.12476646539762455,0.0,0.3826302521833128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145654330840173,0.27373450612845857,0.0,0.0,0.14648398992411213,0.0,0.0,0.1923912226897881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706090201838845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932188825108632,0.0,0.19196071466908016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532275440564238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454218291118498,0.0,0.0,0.128384213645545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599128856204256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726169064101346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661274448941734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947177010943335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981851438752137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607897064775319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190550226477168,0.0,0.0,0.2036738772976172,0.2007288045612412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857253139304592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083725759239885,0.0,0.0,0.10301018098651207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759000189124833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leafystormclouds840,2018/04/12,"im an awful person for wanting to kill myself. i'm even worse for wanting to get caught before i can actually die. i want to kill myself. outright, i'll say it. i want to hurt myself so badly that i die. but i don't actually want to *die*- i just want to be caught and saved. i think it might be because i want people to know just how much i'm hurting and words aren't cutting it (i know it's selfish of me). i think it's because i want to be convinced that i'm worth saving. 

i keep isolating myself, i'm addicted to drugs, i'm doing nothing with my life, my relationships are falling apart. i'm argumentative and i guilt trip the few friends i DO have into feeling sorry for me. 

i don't want people cooing and going ""aww :( but youre not awful :("" but i want to be hugged by someone who understands and isnt just hugging me to make themselves feel better. 

i'm getting off topic, sorry. 

anyway, the whole point of this is that i needed to get it out there, somewhere. i want to try killing myself. but i dont want to actually die from it. what does one even do in a situation like that? how do i convince myself that i'm not worth less than the air i breathe daily? i dont even know if these are rhetorical or not. i dont even know what i want out of posting this. just needed to get it out there i guess. ",0.4399999999999977,2.542640971014496,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,84.94202898550725,5.1292753623188405,20.79420289855072,6.42735559955562,0.24972550724637665,1012,32,221,10,30,348,127,276,0.201,0.639,0.16,-0.9648,0,0,1,0,0,6,38.0,0,1,0,1,14,18,4,1,5,2,21,6,1,3,0,56,63,14,7,16,13,0,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,19,10,0,1,9,0,2,5,10,9,0,1,2,3,37,9,31,56,4,15,0,2,0,2,6,9,0,4,1,146,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.22721138741875566,0.08460743314676465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480193348446928,0.0946218763150624,0.0,0.06604123479230789,0.0,0.0,0.06864061223237627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221918109760501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679178989428943,0.0,0.2728785010959853,0.0,0.09000410666319728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050453034343147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848489534880153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996205710030302,0.0,0.16219415261333825,0.0,0.044108113242500635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549725364118993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616833649968307,0.0,0.08383318556328563,0.0,0.0,0.06898421248199575,0.2575951788549352,0.0,0.17061187804465855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054818936322672165,0.03791680864020707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180593740310703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233299390879273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057053006494357586,0.11509512895758177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744698365309091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259121431471396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076113744163591,0.06776692145837603,0.0,0.0,0.07336747010784896,0.0,0.07432987320968887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332515641894997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171937303705838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723800271249196,0.0,0.0,0.06575953859752161,0.0,0.0,0.17375829477326488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945997511957988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526927665912032,0.0,0.0,0.08079577600249102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951006331155784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664989687851575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909222765184427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,usershmuser,2018/04/12,"I really want a reason not to I don't care about attention. I'm a failure, I live with my parents yet I'm in my twenties. I feel as though I'm a burden. I know I will inflict pain if I end it, yet I know I inflict pain simply being. I've been suicidal literally since I can remember. I feel like ending it will hurt at first yet it will overall benefit my family. Shit I don't even know what I'm asking here really. I guess I'm just trying to justify it ",-0.6370333333333313,1.4045964300000016,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,89.7,6.933333333333335,20.333333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.2656333333333327,353,12,78,9,12,132,58,100,0.246,0.659,0.094,-0.9517,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,0,3,0,8,3,1,1,0,14,22,3,1,2,3,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,2,16,3,7,17,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,2,7,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305910034763092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873878551023696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32791685348945643,0.0,0.0,0.12226781664425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451152434907927,0.0,0.18720110401211199,0.13224738818431697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746014749292464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392688555554933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981712271281751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052058467963632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043865582692834,0.0,0.1634614137599187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939543835508331,0.0,0.2055501582930999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371809618233085,0.19033077098962853,0.0,0.0,0.20970110417828974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900196046436944,0.15313042485437112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248759461791813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818761913407689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568206959425346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918660994719004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FEdart,2018/04/12,"I want to kill myself I’m in a relationship with someone who I don’t deserve. We recently went on vacation together and on a couple of the nights, I became super moody and depressed. She told me she still enjoyed the vacation after I apologized, but I know she’s lying to spare my feeling because she knows I’m sporadically suicidal. I ruined a vacation she needed after working a couple of 80 hour weeks because I’m a selfish piece of shit. I need to end it all to get her out of this so she can be with someone else who is competent at life.

Twist: I’m way too much of a coward to actually do it now even though it’s time :(. I can’t picture my poor mom having to go through this. Once my parents are dead, I’ve made a promise to myself to kill myself no matter what to atone for my past deeds like this. Can’t wait.",3.4682156862745117,4.3503538411764735,5.483235294117649,80.98289215686276,72.3529411764706,8.254901960784315,28.87254901960784,8.59863814320734,2.1332549019607843,643,25,131,11,12,224,106,170,0.274,0.627,0.098,-0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,3,6,11,3,0,9,0,9,2,1,1,1,17,25,5,4,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,3,1,24,4,25,21,3,19,0,2,0,0,15,5,1,0,12,89,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.15251204587949685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054030837596533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458537355343404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460842124603076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055643176816392,0.0,0.13842251266725794,0.0,0.0,0.1032250597560768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902261477473717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165269243029243,0.0,0.08882061766693396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390967798884245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458133694985579,0.0,0.17178078221038698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038902882230878,0.07635317214468995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478810630102209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303961951837308,0.0,0.0,0.11488778150006268,0.2317673482940451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466632992252485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643889396110764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353648699241586,0.0,0.14919213741212298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431301847973716,0.1677920753407732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604247592090588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648402938304108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480975499058625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709509061989251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354965218675284,0.0,0.09113129740718398,0.0,0.0,0.14933743625221746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218120226318788,0.1240521085036115,0.12536275370324498,0.0,0.0,0.14487816947776164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377766233102485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plantodie,2018/04/12,"Long Term Planning? Is that contradictory to the ever present thought right now that I no longer wish to exist? 

What difference does it make to wait for certain conditions to be met as apposed to just doing it now? ",5.489666666666667,7.263509300000003,5.540000000000003,79.09166666666668,68.5,8.333333333333334,33.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.865333333333333,172,8,31,3,3,54,33,40,0.102,0.779,0.119,0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,7,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071054868999551,0.0,0.0,0.3409888332968513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352464342910339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448315202791584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260097064660204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327623792230346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093417440271776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480828595614267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Optimistic_Nihilist,2018/04/12,"[Question] Suicidal Thoughts, what are they actually like? TW: Violence, and suicidal thoughts?

Hi everybody, I just found this reddit and hoped I could ask a question? Specifically, what suicidal thoughts are actually like?

There are periods of time where I think about what it would look like if I killed myself. I would just think about how I would do it and imagine me doing it. I don’t think I would do it, but at the same time I feel indifferent about it. I’ve had a lot of thoughts like these over the last couple years, but for whatever reason I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

Depression runs in my family. I never saw a professional about it. Instead my Mom would say I have depression and give me her medication. But I never actually talked to a professional about it. I guess I’m wondering if these thoughts and fantasies are what suicidal thoughts actually are? Or if I’m just being dramatic?

Strangely Reddit is the only place I ever felt like I could be open about personal things. So thank you for any information you could give me. I already know you are all really wonderful people :)

TL;DR Idiot is being paranoid and asking a stupid question.",4.336388888888892,6.884544305555552,5.284037037037038,76.41466666666669,73.53703703703705,9.134814814814817,29.31851851851852,9.642632912329526,3.19413962962963,934,40,163,26,20,305,112,216,0.195,0.693,0.112,-0.9729,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,0,16,12,3,0,9,0,27,1,0,2,4,57,54,15,5,12,10,1,2,5,0,5,1,1,0,1,16,7,0,0,22,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,11,5,28,7,15,32,4,16,0,2,2,0,18,6,0,13,14,123,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.3254654229932987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201134187143213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567009132019978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558971376849836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997152171512905,0.09225782107928987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362926713970875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542152333163599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860276369290976,0.0,0.042159176010296236,0.0,0.0800573871760538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091421308413944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997041110876434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185190981364816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281464818193217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922470532831834,0.0,0.04582318778642412,0.06796541381816804,0.0940556977977735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036750386309358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001777292358474,0.0,0.0,0.14177252343236466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399606538909858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976530523335674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286148075498912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341386026058426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578048407221129,0.07280375559507507,0.0871138218553719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28021233721913463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341503709910414,0.0857280037601484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630671798823286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648145212154729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701727664559991,0.0,0.07676463308386228,0.0,0.0,0.05539362900716971,0.21370484490861116,0.0,0.3971640144693405,0.09723850364577867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084300289158708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961519912729641,0.0,0.0,0.05369365861119877
suicidewatch,jeremyspokeinclass22,2018/04/12,"it'll (probably not) get better what's up reddit? how yall doin? im guessing not well if youre reading this ahah. i havnt been doing well either so just know that some random internet stranger can sort of sympathize with you

like that really matters or helps though...

now lets cut the bs. im tired of people popping in and out of my life and only interacting with me when they want something from me (drugs mainly). ive tried quitting weed and i dont know if you can get addicted to psychedelics but i love shrooms and acid and spend most of my weekends tripping in my room playing video games and smoking weed. ive never really had a bad trip because i keep a clear mind and have xanax on hand if things do get out of control since i like to take large amounts (3.5g+ or 200ug+). what really sucks though is i broke my hand in a really dumb and just in a fit of anger and impulsiveness way; i punched a door. so i cant play video games or trip now (i feel like tripping with a broken hand would freak me tf out so if any of you have done this how was it?) and doing anything now is awkward as fuck and hurts like hell...

great

so why am i posting here? i really don't know. im just trying to share whats going on in my little bubble and why im almost at my bursting point. 

school sucks. im in trouble almost everyday i decide to go and rather than my principal seeing my behavior and going ""hey, you doing alright? do you wanna speak to someone in private? take it easy, we've all been there"" they just hand out punishments and bark orders at me like im their little minion. and they wonder why i dont treat them with respect and miss a lot of school. they just all have such a big inflated ego that builds upon eachother and i know its a battle that im always going to lose but i sort of like losing it. i like getting into trouble because it just shows that i really dont care what punishments they hand me I'll just stop going in total.

i dont really feel like im a danger to myself but i have percs and booze; enough of each one to rest easy for eternity.

impulsive impulsive impulsive

thats the real danger. im impulsive and have a temper. not to mention im self depreciating and dont care about my own future or well-being. ive never seen a shrink but maybe i should. i wouldnt be surprised if im diagnosed with a whole host of things. but then again, 90% of people would probably be diagnosed with something too.

life is just shitty. no other way to put it. my parents work their asses off for me and my siblings. they're all doing well, so why cant i? im defective. defective things get scrapped for parts and remade. im an organ donor so maybe i should die and get reincarnated.

reincarnation is a cool idea. i hope its true.

thankyou for reading. even if you didnt i just needed to get this out there. i guess im just looking for advice on how to be less of a shithead. but for now, take it easy reddit.",1.1962276414309478,3.4329949484193034,2.954872868136441,90.60334923564896,82.87687188019967,5.8860336938435935,20.37232217138103,7.1686216300943375,0.527192366888519,2288,66,482,32,64,758,270,601,0.182,0.654,0.16399999999999998,-0.934,1,0,3,0,0,0,67.0,0,8,8,6,38,51,13,1,18,2,45,17,6,4,8,113,83,54,1,16,31,1,7,8,0,6,8,1,2,1,26,37,1,3,9,10,1,10,16,25,3,1,7,13,63,26,64,66,17,56,1,5,3,3,27,28,6,22,22,313,89,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050471407194156735,0.0,0.045241648676933616,0.0,0.0,0.0927210654195243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038523456596246335,0.0,0.0,0.03148407376742705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038099122969200615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865670722086405,0.05644538631361695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094661853204981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440733184334467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192689003877633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398253158890084,0.048049779675347695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737869678863479,0.2713032301282557,0.0,0.05369071897813808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783797645743962,0.0,0.03057924291631361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681909099959046,0.06615027763360942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428015457982871,0.16932073139487575,0.0,0.13156045877000794,0.0,0.0,0.051043459003442426,0.10200443488271944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031032421828568437,0.0,0.0,0.045984135795040494,0.0,0.0,0.04956272435131705,0.052264551177894455,0.7001335654104484,0.0,0.0,0.041151588562052685,0.0,0.0,0.10177618264360562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047342610428187576,0.06540297357308343,0.1809500293018632,0.0928050643155481,0.0,0.0,0.038878469556631885,0.10359073262582827,0.0,0.0393607116170889,0.04178554839397378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302467314862853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674755347447078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03432921259770085,0.07141539456443065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031372569687922215,0.035211543193473645,0.0,0.0,0.05140819877580536,0.05013597728472735,0.0,0.06419409376797304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043766360955484994,0.0,0.044340469364537234,0.0,0.09983366129237804,0.0,0.0,0.04654205014835903,0.0,0.04924338128735959,0.09262060516758996,0.05269700239861884,0.20761677569968226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371163750772042,0.036893331484740735,0.0,0.04829867518916338,0.0,0.0,0.03829799687291847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03922795345531997,0.07128457627265053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038707011930991866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443049208996504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922745509773784,0.0,0.09097465528292444,0.0,0.0,0.05321248024648071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286629861936598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02730762649093955,0.07349803563547007,0.0,0.0,0.1665090349567433,0.0,0.16710615860062009,0.05168981100160576,0.0,0.0,0.05020796069966242,0.03370533069287851,0.0,0.0,0.06577722024610982,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,msfeelstoomuch1996,2018/04/12,"Life has been hard since I was born I come from a fucked up childhood. I have all sorts of emotional issues. My mom, my only friend, died when I was 12. My stepfather abused me horribly. I grew up to be clingy, overly sensitive and emotional, and obsessive. I've been raped twice in my life. Once when I was 17. And once again a month ago. 

A week ago the love of my life left me. Now he is ignoring me. 

I am unlovable. I have ruined every good thing in my life. I found love and I used to think ""its okay that these bad things happened to me, because it led me to him"" but even he has realized that I am unlovable. I cant be fixed no matter how hard I try. My emotions ruin everything. I feel everything to the extreme.  I can never just be sad or lonely. Every time I am sad or lonely, it is the saddest and loneliest I've ever been in my life and it is devastating. Is that why I love him so obsessively? I want to die. I hope that if I die maybe something better is waiting for me. Or at least this pain will stop. I am so tired of hurting. It's a lifetime of guilt and shame and heartbreak squeezed into me. 

I hate when you call me strong. I am not strong. I am just barely surviving. Dont tell me my rape wasnt my fault. I turned to prostitution, I put myself in a bad situation. He told me to be careful and I didn't listen. Dont tell me it gets better. It wasn't been good since the day I came to this earth and I doubt things will change 22 years later. 

I want to go out quietly. But then I want to go out loud and ferociously. But no matter how I go, I want him to be the last thing I see. ",-0.14273152337858264,1.9382371823529423,2.1782352941176484,94.97334087481148,87.47058823529413,5.487179487179486,18.42383107088989,6.900799576094004,0.03911161387631967,1222,33,288,17,39,414,167,340,0.285,0.545,0.16899999999999998,-0.9958,0,4,1,0,1,1,45.0,0,1,0,5,13,37,4,5,10,1,36,13,0,4,3,49,63,26,3,6,10,1,4,0,1,2,7,3,0,0,18,16,0,3,4,0,0,8,10,24,0,1,13,8,60,13,29,43,2,40,0,8,1,6,17,12,1,7,20,192,78,0,0.0,0.1043700415806968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616964229159955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709983485541472,0.0536977125188364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581360278666695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994783974995925,0.10074936517307764,0.08981172946231303,0.0,0.09318557201369636,0.07588013272391551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680956292819726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27426474588352395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064772879882911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972619033674047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818138566863688,0.07968076574061027,0.14843611426368425,0.0,0.15833588049112196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044540010319368654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658409877775596,0.06805667842580237,0.08143606596536926,0.046022417428436144,0.0,0.15018755980431026,0.14776830498030027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789605125655548,0.0,0.15781934227143649,0.0869688012726705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749139887642282,0.0,0.0,0.09430017571605544,0.0,0.0,0.09194113210745346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718035910398737,0.0,0.0,0.09570802181568858,0.0,0.3110962916695684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850895653027746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849637644678007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316776489162642,0.07031111291113944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793900400350253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876219883562236,0.0,0.06699499984790093,0.09373199159968278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855291077353969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019484274312864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457348393155141,0.09901476007038686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781455374311837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364562933754455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398583394477516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23408738415609096,0.05644332324713844,0.0,0.0,0.05136490280034433,0.10124435860227116,0.0,0.08417199267200466,0.0,0.05980606477967643,0.09581460113706217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607987020920436,0.0,0.0,0.2078266689482804,0.0,0.07065899248618697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948584508578754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056725874055114076
suicidewatch,SoFlyKight,2018/04/12,"I'm Just Tired Honestly. Honestly I'm just tired of living a meaningless life. I graduated college with a degree in a field I could give a shit about now, even have a job interview but dont want to go. My parents are no help. I talked to them about my Depression and it always ends up in some Conversation about how its a part of Gods plan and how everyone will miss me. Well if this is a part of Gods plan he can go screw himself and isn't a God worth worshiping in the first place and all they do is yell at me when I say I don't want to hear about God anyway. I could give a damn about my family they will be okay. I knew the Depression was really bad when my Grandpa passed away and I saw everyone crying and I just didn't even care and we were close. I'm hoping that this will help me not want to end it all tomorrow but if it doesn't I really hope there is no afterlife, I can't handle existing for eternity. ",1.6477556561085969,3.269705015384613,3.648657616892912,89.33389140271494,78.33333333333334,8.28054298642534,21.21417797888386,9.007467420416297,1.309087481146305,718,19,166,18,17,244,110,195,0.276,0.633,0.091,-0.9881,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,3,3,18,15,3,0,11,1,21,5,1,2,2,31,38,15,0,9,8,2,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,9,7,1,1,5,4,23,8,20,27,5,19,1,3,1,1,17,8,3,5,8,115,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117288494468393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552948201439385,0.0,0.11155742614810428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622265975449124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133508577353749,0.0,0.1467625443905331,0.0,0.0,0.2301534237895363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658803987546938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366747557471951,0.0,0.0,0.17649416510366436,0.0,0.0,0.2553370876446036,0.0,0.0,0.12595410074498362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113647229629213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633868747578464,0.15186545588988562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058636767960035,0.0,0.17910977707221087,0.0,0.0,0.26540655952046016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258571253612586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437155824678888,0.0,0.0,0.11797865758968645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835630736918165,0.289369736089953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395923321108595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118591377683262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625075563739296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714709395889882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738936416094164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30712638307953344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23641707309453394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012998975862985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,55642,2018/04/12,"Still alone When does it get better it's been 10 years.

When I graduated from high school the song that was spammed on the radio went like ""does it always feel like nothing's changed at all."" Five years later and it's still exactly the same, if not worse.

While I try to sleep all I can hear is my roommate and how socially successful he is.

Just fucking kill me already. Litterally nobody would miss me",1.5984810126582296,4.271088658227853,2.4277088607594948,91.7278924050633,86.46835443037975,5.6916455696202535,21.8240506329114,7.1686216300943375,0.7860065822784814,320,11,65,5,10,100,61,79,0.098,0.74,0.162,0.6869,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,0,3,0,6,2,1,1,3,12,12,7,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,3,6,4,4,8,3,12,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,1,10,39,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205239226662436,0.2186800585653262,0.0,0.16488919491710208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526088157378006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209632345430561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468311384832319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019820265070957,0.1415691501526819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320039403148225,0.10353305881396926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223346411713024,0.0,0.0,0.2093722536218531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219240265429805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936268658633133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901447084544832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055360848015066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198308160800662,0.20200431130294108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165097272212799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454105994963372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370098517212596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194711400546103,0.14077076473094535,0.0,0.0,0.2552235881113517
suicidewatch,LeavingS00N,2018/04/12,"I think tonight's the night I think it's finally time for me to move on... I can't deal with life anymore, and I'm not one to say, ""I can't."" I don't see myself going anywhere in my life. When I look around me at people my age, they're all doing something... Following a passion or working or raising a kid. I don't feel as if I'll fit in anywhere... No matter what I do. I'm going on a drive now",-0.7823333333333338,0.774639655555557,2.338888888888892,96.10500000000002,85.77777777777777,4.888888888888889,21.11111111111111,5.82211442006289,-0.05688888888888855,299,10,75,2,9,107,60,90,0.029,0.882,0.08800000000000001,0.5267,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,12,16,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,4,13,1,11,16,1,19,0,0,2,1,3,7,0,3,7,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510126675251677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531757712941394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609406805864053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797775749675233,0.0,0.0,0.2772647289583886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28769140330002285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35755183250250583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254489322772316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269011115334314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375223876788618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715108529384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547150082502236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127967095540925,0.0,0.0,0.20169233230276715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485299737151696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243595986187673,0.0,0.0,0.1475878659949062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426383535719565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BadjaTF2,2018/04/12,"So my so called ""friends"" at school make fun of my suicide threats I don't even care that I'm posting this on my main account. I'm just some hopeless and forever alone 16 year old kid who has no point other than living under the bridge in 2 years anymore.",3.1463207547169816,4.376191886792455,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,73.52830188679245,6.054716981132076,28.34433962264151,5.985473137389443,0.9485132075471694,202,8,44,1,4,63,47,53,0.279,0.667,0.054000000000000006,-0.9157,0,1,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,6,6,2,9,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851929622417261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730860457056256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117635066030955,0.0,0.28075087080360506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187462582918526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274472551007545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431505221982921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380690165748928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889470860370533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603069848546626,0.0,0.2637215805778961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786819976904051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012023647509616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35464941235213016
suicidewatch,dubhlainn,2018/04/12,"I almost killed myself, now I don't know what to do I've always struggled with depression but this is the first time I actually almost put a bullet in my head or a mistake I made at work. I had the gun loaded and everything then I started crying. I don't know where to go from this. I'm already seeing a therapist. Do I tell them? What do I do?",0.2528378378378377,2.295166648648649,3.1661486486486474,88.83814189189192,85.21621621621622,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.5567351351351357,268,8,58,4,8,95,50,74,0.25,0.75,0.0,-0.9465,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,2,4,1,1,5,0,8,1,1,1,0,10,15,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,1,12,0,6,13,0,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,3,5,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.21155237700891533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341607809829437,0.0,0.2392293215747492,0.0,0.1803837555825472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812981869803115,0.0,0.0,0.18671791671141366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483375060041636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439850780403674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320477826182008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248551802787525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398421708167424,0.0,0.2382804098619968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051286520615956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179303349193823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275079333918894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344261850905974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266323458034527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948097849795745,0.0,0.0,0.2517058648697797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640996634212734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782317244412433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EnterpriseSpaghetti,2018/04/12,"failing geometry again im failing geometry for the second time and i am not retaking this goddamn class. i am much too stupid for it and now i probably wont be able to graduate because of it. and if i dont graduate, no college, right? the only thing i've been working towards for my entire life. so whats the point of trying anymore. ",1.105882352941176,3.5459963529411773,4.036764705882355,81.26044117647061,85.47058823529412,6.929411764705884,29.088235294117645,8.07648339933343,2.519435294117647,264,14,50,6,8,94,50,68,0.196,0.777,0.027000000000000003,-0.9142,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,7,3,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,38,10,7,0.3005440386812534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29805892777952203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320885643117887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522353749992265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32463913539172656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228314266373588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093444947102514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22857728445015899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841112609720677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240373060269379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566629668890621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966810476870586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524964586617486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404967403574145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879963962217736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pol_pots,2018/04/12,How is everything in the past so nice? The future offers nothing. That is all. ,0.2240000000000002,2.1931340666666688,2.0933333333333337,88.96000000000002,108.33333333333334,4.666666666666667,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.5823333333333336,61,2,11,1,3,20,13,15,0.0,0.795,0.205,0.5598,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531645069083861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.590581157321656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5875567418670437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nikoli2142,2018/04/12,Dark I’m a waste of space ,-4.472857142857143,-3.2279839999999957,-1.0599999999999987,115.13000000000002,103.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.9746,20,0,7,0,1,7,7,7,0.412,0.588,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beach_space_song,2018/04/12,"aaaaa i want to fucking die

i cant fucking take it anymore

my pills dont work anymore, i cant be fixed",-1.5337499999999975,0.3452831250000017,1.2966666666666669,100.015,92.75,3.2,24.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.10073333333333244,81,4,20,0,3,28,17,24,0.195,0.7440000000000001,0.06,-0.5984,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,10,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5914410075985919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094701126988057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34947190921842153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5513365218893964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419885082119173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758778979797019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708304509515214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isquirttequila,2018/04/12,"Tired of being depressed I’ve had severe depression since I was 7 years old and I’m now 20. At points I feel like I’m finally free from it but recently I have started to feel at my lowest point again. I started to think about suicide again and I have no interest in seeing what life holds in the future. I don’t even understand why I have depression when I have a family that loves me and friends that care. I wonder if I’ll ever be free from it. I want to be happy and enjoy life but I never seem to be able to for long periods of time. I don’t know what to do for myself anymore. Therapy doesn’t help, meds don’t help. I go to the gym, I eat healthy, try to put positive thoughts within myself. 
I’m in school and I’m about to finish my associates and go to cosmetology school which is what I’ve wanted to do all my life. I do a good job at work and even got employee of the month today. But none of this does anything for me. ",0.7045477386934706,2.6471677336683466,3.055324120603018,90.87946859296484,82.71859296482413,6.593065326633166,20.50276381909548,7.7348632917899725,0.7265294472361807,725,21,164,13,20,249,109,199,0.113,0.642,0.245,0.9865,3,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,0,0,5,0,18,6,0,0,3,25,40,12,1,3,4,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,9,7,1,1,8,1,2,3,7,3,0,0,4,3,22,12,29,32,2,31,0,3,1,1,4,9,0,3,20,105,31,4,0.12621047792972892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516688033919895,0.0,0.0,0.103860469506511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867999373677572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261146991085517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044763975370774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914482740246966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667216607064391,0.1141646029736655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189800061472617,0.0,0.12763161968364742,0.09016479065104424,0.0,0.13825740945259446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750990216988152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434566462581404,0.10585936087188944,0.10094204874698268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343534006304973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919244590720528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524442474903386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936197798103201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674385791470977,0.061660064378979175,0.0,0.0,0.11169230135568647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390988391763004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019138886436608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073999936531383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734130120856856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324366656996676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386193929504765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268763898872912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461762081009913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25546348344144115,0.10057341038433132,0.11489727897317945,0.0,0.14258191567632394,0.0,0.10440261156656384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866485176085398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805377806563895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433268086486378,0.0,0.0,0.08087057810163148,0.0,0.10019702162901556,0.07359434463860258,0.1450603780688915,0.11963277567354835,0.0,0.0,0.08568862984093085,0.0,0.0,0.13138955857641427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488844197673628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138853255475217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686987953625335,0.09188273109238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127540981368399
suicidewatch,Jgross12,2018/04/12,Why does depression hurt so bad? I’ve been off and on meds for so long. My head Is starting to spiral out of control again. I literally feel pain in my whole body and my mind is trying to kill me everyday. Are their some ways I can help with this without meds? I don’t trust psychiatrists anymore,1.9390000000000043,4.1718869000000005,3.256666666666668,89.525,80.0,6.666666666666668,23.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.0913333333333342,234,8,50,4,6,76,50,60,0.302,0.6609999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.965,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,6,3,2,1,0,9,8,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,8,1,10,7,2,9,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101970752170492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769690835482149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354282525061641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377195266313677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255190124880044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547854494688634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716809866162216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175214624908579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420653657826116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689645697167374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449085686783205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756874826314626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708565050123281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400870097992145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255293443238593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001903531687685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438998824857609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823574670611133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125156970724386,0.2366341869076076,0.0,0.20431187484637056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jerelo91,2018/04/12,"Wondering I lay here, each night wondering the same thing over and over. Is it worth it? Would anyone care? Does it hurt? How can I make it painless? How much longer do I have to deal with it?

There are many things I can live for. I have a career. I have a ""lovely"" husband. I have a ""supportive"" family. I have a few friends I can turn to. However in reality, I feel like I'm alone.

10 minutes ago, I was crying. Why? I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in so many years. Since I was really young, probably since elementary school, I have been contemplating suicide. In the 7th or 8th grade, I told a counselor that I felt suicidal, which meant she had to tell my parents. My own parents didn't take it seriously, even though I tried to overdose on some medications I found in the prescription cabinet. 

After I graduated from high school, I felt alone and severely depressed again, and I tried telling my boyfriend at the time that I didn't want to go on. Next thing I know, he's down an alley cutting his wrists.

Two years ago, I tried overdosing on whatever I could because I didn't want to feel any more pain, but all it was was muscle relaxers. My husband just didn't seem to care at the time. 

I went to the doctor, after I finally got insurance, that I felt depressed and I wanted to talk to someone. He referred me to a psychiatrist while prescribing Cymbalta and escitalopram (I could be wrong). I didn't feel any different. I felt the same.

To this day, I haven't seen that psychiatrist because I've been busy working and trying to stay safe. I feel that if I don't work, then I can't support my family. 

Tonight, I cried. I was wondering how it would feel to finally end it, but then I wonder about other people. Why do I care though? I should care about me and me only, not about, but this person would be extremely upset. That should not matter, and that shouldn't been a guilt trip.

I have friends that I've spoken to, but I feel limited to what I can say.

I don't have a gun. I don't want to drown myself. I don't want to hang myself. I want to die peacefully. No pain.

I honestly can't deal with this ""superficial"" pain anymore.
",1.9550044503782795,4.128276845794397,3.6305473965287054,87.18372274143304,79.60747663551402,7.4406764574988875,23.508233199821984,8.418075326091056,1.5096653760569647,1662,57,350,36,42,553,200,428,0.158,0.721,0.121,-0.8406,4,2,0,1,0,3,72.0,0,0,0,3,14,26,1,2,16,0,49,7,1,4,1,65,90,23,4,15,10,4,10,1,2,6,5,1,0,1,26,11,0,2,19,1,1,4,18,11,0,1,25,12,62,15,40,55,9,38,0,3,1,1,19,13,0,8,21,235,88,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168930188414362,0.0,0.0,0.1421793522729212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933542367259046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680718009098165,0.047994236270509937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368383321249538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27992960728871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960588702388016,0.0,0.1507942272231962,0.044266708635776336,0.1415283318828428,0.1182379599210417,0.0,0.07123681864639694,0.07171352177885322,0.0,0.0702552931862963,0.0600667662555697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079409948284995,0.0,0.0,0.0453356497509848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294141592209787,0.0,0.20823673598059092,0.04903597230865079,0.2636181977339793,0.15038212704605658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752595151074794,0.10606119812614864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390093299314094,0.0,0.05489716630399779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613574956077008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252125212116001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347985422808466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03772239703538579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03353372405797552,0.0,0.06060981217634985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619497020193197,0.0,0.04581730561570427,0.13917907479321506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914693370496004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050457827150329065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299873777350166,0.06441338935246603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052203326085596746,0.2191113545744996,0.0,0.152431772127724,0.0,0.0,0.04758588953806483,0.059933241376067224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400483906838527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043972131456756235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458477384252418,0.0,0.13893339306234942,0.0,0.06248669518762865,0.0,0.07754293908225951,0.0,0.11355837534281588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058157906759344735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316042471886279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016063785987155,0.155782264025506,0.0,0.0,0.05160825624613369,0.0551697173413279,0.11998765161925007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680282194978968,0.0,0.13487564487487466,0.0,0.08004832528782728,0.0,0.0,0.06558784970082797,0.0,0.18640647861349854,0.07465991310209938,0.06705068077091303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429116365330592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362937414159217,0.12387269198068675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977458306891931,0.09994054275413483,0.0,0.0,0.14627829538645,0.07504636468174991,0.0,0.0884029944775765
suicidewatch,gorgeousgrim,2018/04/12,"If only If only. If only I could muster up the strength to talk to somebody. Yeah, I have my therapist but I only see her on a weekly basis. Talking to somebody once a week about the dark thoughts that wreak havoc 7 days a week doesn’t help that much. If only it did... if only i didn’t get the short end of the stick maybe I’d be normal. Maybe I wouldn’t have tried to take my life and get bakeracted, in other words, punished for wanting to go to sleep and never open my eyes again. If only the reassuring remarks, like “push through it” and “you have no reason to feel like this”, rid me of this illness. But then again, that’s all hypothetical ",1.946590909090908,3.82615047727273,3.450000000000003,89.92000000000004,78.31818181818181,5.612121212121212,21.60606060606061,6.42735559955562,0.2754878787878785,501,14,107,4,12,165,83,132,0.115,0.763,0.122,-0.2588,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,8,1,9,4,2,1,2,22,17,12,0,10,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,3,11,4,15,11,2,16,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,6,11,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673868036945604,0.0,0.0,0.08621745040122758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184075441428623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759647377385992,0.09550645712521301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396925196201892,0.0,0.07597775105032785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960798868532213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442751436383208,0.13062602934975362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26861435130674205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827577752576036,0.0,0.10310812838648707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098547574143746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142372944285172,0.0,0.7117281748271952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745313135254314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653171861710907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337841601553859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051644701677152,0.2149060779586132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522162215448698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613303132174227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907651134431634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078852417614742,0.0,0.3217084166504706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rottenflowerss,2018/04/12,"i can't stop thinking about hanging myself i'm really trying to do things to keep my mind occupied but i just can't. i'm at my boyfriends house (can't leave, too dangerous and it's late) but he wont talk to me or take care of me. i feel so lonely.",-1.1973214285714278,0.765272482142862,1.6478571428571451,97.49714285714286,92.03571428571428,5.342857142857143,16.92857142857143,6.868970318607317,-0.14561428571428525,193,5,48,3,7,67,42,56,0.078,0.737,0.185,0.604,0,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,12,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151944902129322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563132781290346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567124563456777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27478276792721185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348729644191651,0.3273404988163313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31214887654144274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804655452245631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584595212053953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324389788680212,0.2484794816956505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538256571854271,0.19808798475783596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988953461565188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justwantingtoleave,2018/04/12,"i just want to disappear i really just want to die honestly. i have no friends irl, my very few online friends give off the vibe that they want nothing to do with me, i don’t know what i’m doing with my life, i really wish i could just disappear.",2.4607692307692304,3.6334704615384577,4.23,87.89000000000001,75.15384615384616,9.046153846153846,24.538461538461537,9.516144504307137,1.888792307692308,192,6,44,5,4,65,34,52,0.168,0.5589999999999999,0.273,0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,12,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,6,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171418753130707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28225667091851714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202388773888645,0.0,0.0,0.26089355301689016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494648190162134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920968807103766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609576957202435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34845541039059785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243995587080949,0.4812359055190484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127462601459165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MattPeart,2018/04/12,"I should be committed, but that is the last thing I want to do... All I could think about at work today is how much I want to die


I've been committed before


It honestly was traumatizing


It's tough because I always felt confident promising people that I wouldn't commit suicide, using the hospital as a safety net


Now that is my worst nightmare


I'm a claustrophobic, agoraphobic, smoker who lives thanks to escapism.


If you take away my music, my tv, my smokes, my friends, MY DISTRACTIONS, and lock me indoors? You might as well kill me. I can't do any sory of healing in what is hell...


Doesn't help that I'm poor and unable to pay my last visit 


I'm not sure what to do


I'm calmer now I'm home but on track to go through the five suicidal mood swings again tomorrow


Fuck",2.498351648351644,4.4602696410256435,3.883919413919415,87.06346153846155,76.94871794871796,7.277655677655678,23.96336996336997,8.192908349453996,1.374175457875458,608,20,126,11,14,200,105,156,0.253,0.544,0.203,-0.9363,0,0,2,0,0,4,18.0,0,2,0,1,6,13,3,1,5,0,16,2,0,2,5,21,30,8,4,6,4,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,2,1,2,2,4,6,1,1,3,1,18,6,15,22,3,13,1,0,0,1,6,4,2,2,7,79,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156909317087711,0.0,0.0,0.12823731176987516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771722062178481,0.0,0.0,0.11495343099721557,0.0,0.1604632421659133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056161133172005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571084168517774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106135402446205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569240141422868,0.17433433847579524,0.0,0.0,0.10717138889016173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639769498703046,0.0,0.1891558722135828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086300460379724,0.0,0.0,0.3074272165712459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651497892254527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004803334431392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862415544150058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307340034380326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125403882704838,0.0,0.1777294913425167,0.0,0.1417847604617309,0.0,0.0,0.17361431465143445,0.0,0.0,0.12528069958504542,0.12083109986980245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874683481235773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286805713191307,0.0,0.0,0.22245257318872666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955136735148366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372846802576473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Icy_Diamond,2018/04/12,"I thought i was done. I thought I was okay. I thought it was a thing of the past. I assumed my struggle was over. I paid my time and I'm able to walk free, but here I am. A prisoner again. It's just the start of it, but I've been here before and I know what's going to happen. I don't want it to happen. I need anything but this to happen. Part of me wonders if it's my fault that this horrible nightmare is coming back. 

All I wanted was to be done.",-1.8741442715700136,0.007979386138615041,0.8928783592644969,101.51051980198021,96.72277227722772,3.6777934936350776,17.115275813295614,5.288315135182226,-0.8181773691654879,342,10,87,2,14,117,58,101,0.171,0.79,0.038,-0.9251,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,1,12,0,0,0,1,18,28,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,6,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,12,0,16,3,9,15,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,64,26,0,0.18622472388388167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532470803816238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319531770051175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846352392616536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041611016200955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811450967527003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583580213365594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49403372494176395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023442380493116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808327311498994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166322849937995,0.17777257071389285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181081805840505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468251512590465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371943174160024,0.0,0.0,0.4435248877808639,0.10858913407625052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968033412587384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019527692371973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drogon_x,2018/04/12,"Not sure why I've been holding on by a thread for a couple years, but I don't mind admitting I'm a coward. I have a 9mm. I have razors. I have ever poison you can imagine. 

I am a coward.  I can't seem to do it to my self.  I dream of car wrecks. On the job accidents. Anything. Just anything to get it over with.

Today I accidentally sliced my hand open and I've been bleeding for 3 hours now. It's a relief. ",-1.5932783882783887,0.3278383076923106,1.8905769230769245,95.01483974358976,94.49450549450547,4.352014652014652,16.374542124542124,5.985473137389443,-0.5239897435897438,310,8,75,3,12,112,61,91,0.222,0.6579999999999999,0.12,-0.853,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,7,0,10,3,1,0,2,13,14,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,11,2,11,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576855837484379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307699166728411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25154658554732945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528954202628566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738607382420633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27595950569482697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807896827188224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531609400949708,0.290106511980586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620947205537495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26359498002346965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509312347193401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907960344160345
suicidewatch,godfuckingdamnit562,2018/04/12,"I need some convincing not to end it all. Hey folks. I live in Australia. I am 20 years young. I want to lay down the fundamentals of my life and the difficulties I'm exhibiting so hopefully some of you nice people can give me a reason to continue going.

Let's start with the basics. I genuinely do not believe I belong in society. Here's why:

* **I have debilitating anxiety**

This isn't your 'run of the mill' type anxiety that comes up once in a while. This is constant. It's a never-ending battle that makes even the simplest of tasks feel like I'm climbing a mountain. If I have to go anywhere in public, or speak to anybody, I freeze up and start shaking and cannot control my emotions. I've had this my entire life. It doesn't seem to be getting any better. I've actively tried remedies to try and contain my anxiety but nothing has worked. 20 Anti-depressants later and countless sessions with a psychologist/psychiatrist has yet to prove effective.

* **I have moderate functioning Asperger's**

I've yet to come across a single benefit more than ""critical thinking"" from having been diagnosed with the disorder. While I don't mind having Asperger's due to giving me an explanation for who I really am, it's quite clear that the world isn't tailored for people that suffer from it. 

I can't work. I can't hold a job. I can't even study because I have horrendous information processing. The funny thing is, I haven't even resigned myself to giving up. Those are all things I genuinely *WANT* in life but feel I can't do, due to the barrier that surrounds me. I want to study so I can land a kick-ass gig and eventually find a partner, so I can pursue things that I enjoy such as travel, painting, etc. 

I can't find but see myself becoming homeless though. The world looks down upon folks like me. ""Loser"" ""NEET"" ""Leech"" (Funnily enough, the same people that seem to be for Universal Basic Income, but I, for whatever reason, are just lazy and are somehow undeserving of any financial compensation for my INABILITY TO WORK.)

Seeing all these wants whisper past my vision, gives me nothing but a feeling of intense sorrow that cannot be alleviated because of my inability to fit in.

Disclaimer: This is NOT a pity party for me to wallow in my sadness and exclaim ""woe is me"". It is merely an explanation for my foundations of who I am, and want for a reason to keep going.",2.6236222242200853,5.250527171806169,4.501883484671403,79.28886406544999,80.14537444933922,7.670880158230692,26.445922862537085,8.603709575120403,2.407551254158052,1872,78,335,45,49,634,226,454,0.124,0.752,0.124,-0.7377,2,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,2,0,9,13,17,1,1,25,0,42,4,0,6,5,61,74,23,0,8,11,0,4,2,1,0,4,2,0,1,25,14,0,5,14,1,0,9,15,9,0,0,2,9,46,8,55,68,10,43,0,7,3,0,13,19,0,8,17,237,71,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245440926906838,0.0,0.21015680652990087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116427860786814,0.10113399219096812,0.0,0.1031701968691434,0.0,0.08098792252071449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776220304256686,0.0,0.09895671496942494,0.10270569580514642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788707612874593,0.09294357213727986,0.0,0.0,0.10494935476783103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300608576621473,0.16221108385834426,0.09461827300465328,0.10212689774493484,0.1814471703525456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890454390258886,0.06541899858618581,0.0,0.0,0.16739015347038064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047842549177344484,0.3513765225953144,0.1561272987655668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095157940907313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087100171168433,0.0813933307694066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363849330526107,0.1940398675002403,0.08947483014836564,0.0,0.0808596838279501,0.0,0.07689735057638312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061124968266772224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246153588629114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789941904197948,0.07062591062609078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757314556192369,0.0,0.0,0.0975211071717577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741576007559297,0.1904533199108525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973980096851488,0.0,0.0,0.0586633173600522,0.28245355789388826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594193019765545,0.1667272751687129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963015385883386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250894586912628,0.058675589399079776,0.08996894734586225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434264670144017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27005745746034737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262941550892793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999634708931752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058969314754700075
suicidewatch,AidenCharming,2018/04/12,"Why do I do this to myself?.. I'm part of a group of friends. In the bigger circle its me, k, e, c, and p. in the smaller circle its me, k, and i. I've known k and i for a year now, and e for 6 years now. Recently, like the past 2 months, I've felt unwanted and like nobody want's me there. I feel like I am third wheeling everyone because I introduced E to C, K to P, and I to an ex of mine. Ever since I did, everything has been different. K and P have been distant to me, E has said some really mean things to me several times, including tonight, which honestly... are making me shut down... They are making me want to leave the friends group and possibly even not be alive.. but yet I stay in the friends group. I help them, Im there for them, I love them.... regardless of how I am treated. Hell, I even got K and I to see each other before in RL.... and in May K, P, E, and C are all going to see each other and meet because of me... or they are supposed to.... but I don't know what to do. I love them but I find myself more pushed away. 

I've asked K and E about it several times and they said if they didn't want me here I would have been gone a long time ago... so it seems that they care.... main thing being is, I love all of them, I dont want to lose them but its looking like im going to. The way that I'm treated it hurts a lot... and I'm tired of losing people and I know K is too, so I dont want to leave them, also because I have a hard time finding people who will like me for me....

It seems like I cant do anything right to be honest, like I will never make someone happy or find friends who will be around forever. I honestly dont know what to do, and its killing me.... literally.",0.41388308625336734,1.6798933153638842,2.8943657345013487,94.96114428908359,80.80592991913747,6.362567385444745,20.758170485175203,7.1686216300943375,0.2661165094339628,1264,34,320,16,32,439,160,371,0.087,0.733,0.179,0.9862,1,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,0,0,12,2,17,26,2,0,12,0,37,4,0,4,4,59,70,28,1,9,8,1,3,7,4,5,1,2,0,0,20,20,0,0,12,0,0,4,8,5,0,1,10,8,53,21,36,51,9,34,1,3,3,3,30,11,1,8,24,208,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741732576065722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691524505896236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885778418503458,0.0744889106794713,0.0782252713493097,0.0,0.07861586076177693,0.0,0.0,0.15302337400913238,0.0,0.07120166403520191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531272080474307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742305925695368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942010914630695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053372073553797,0.07568925531034695,0.0,0.0799554997258893,0.07520211918077213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230883301953522,0.0597777742122494,0.08034157558451152,0.0,0.2294335976342616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25858984968661697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510939855064514,0.0,0.06692291918995455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907409632459164,0.07495678774586474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056085905356349885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957632383727686,0.0,0.18076773798218101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257451267428007,0.0,0.13795755400948606,0.0,0.0,0.17720048700557647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861572644733561,0.0,0.0,0.07405015997349756,0.07026632262215472,0.1872229005503684,0.0,0.07113789438381284,0.2265611422886201,0.0,0.167562082762618,0.0,0.0,0.0911471197649674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678896377088338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453568275550564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061238250991653,0.07987770649693815,0.1160200736957202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433152267687674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360465026181607,0.0,0.08261943432536037,0.0,0.0,0.07145839624718517,0.15918907151361644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335703602924806,0.15235001491085934,0.0,0.18905893310473884,0.0,0.06921721545995684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089795623984882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891869202182601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118053158524993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951673634614667,0.09617264638150973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467698079347811,0.06641769523018191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550409896714406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944065483685266,0.0,0.0,0.10776852165394946
suicidewatch,mozixin,2018/04/12,"Looking for a way to die painlessly I know, it's stupid, but it's something I've been struggling with, I want to kill myself, cuz life is not good to me, even if I tired, but it's always too painful. This world is big and full of amazement. I love my family. 
And now it's time for me to go. Please tell me how. ",0.6524019607843137,2.081563750000001,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,80.61764705882355,5.7098039215686285,20.15686274509804,6.42735559955562,-0.15183137254901924,237,6,60,2,6,78,49,68,0.29100000000000004,0.521,0.187,-0.8809,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,1,1,0,3,4,0,2,0,11,8,7,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,9,3,8,7,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,2,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419131175221687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671578889177498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700212995236025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426695508762091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462958401371344,0.21590891100668494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847934339477061,0.0,0.14146948373585985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182102464137795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161651920421135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232328617771622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27390951307823724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28256623071081755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981719483218403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691078211358642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499353783549825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501017451484613,0.2958626237785008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518310363536758,0.2043253910074421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HaroldOfTheRocks,2018/04/12,"I just don't think I can do the divorce The relationship has been broken for a long time (14 years  total; 6+ years unhappy) so no heartbreak over that that but the details kill me, as does the bleak future.

I just can't deal with the asset reallocation, the shitty 1-bd/1-bath that I'll have to do for a bit, the maybe re-invest in a property in a neighborhood I like but has priced me out, the prospect of dating in my late 40s... I just don't want it. Nothing sounds good there.

Even my best friend, trying to cheer me up about prospects says how good a catch I am since I'm not hooked on opiods - that's the BEST thing I have going for me? Either prospects are grim or I'm a serious loser. I just lost 85 pounds... I was feeling pretty good, til then. I thought I might be a decent 45yo guy. Guess not.

I don't hate my soon to be ex either. If I just offed myself and she got the insurance, I'm fine with that. There's no one else in my life that could benefit. I'm not bitter.

I just feel like... give it enough time and I'm eating a bullet... why not let someone benefit?",0.5902999999999992,2.6810711466666675,2.383583333333334,94.671375,84.2,5.527777777777778,18.26388888888889,6.816661863887847,-0.05594444444444413,828,20,190,10,24,273,134,225,0.188,0.601,0.211,0.8522,0,0,0,0,1,1,41.0,0,0,0,4,13,20,3,0,18,0,20,2,0,1,1,31,36,11,1,3,16,1,2,2,1,1,1,2,0,1,9,5,1,0,4,0,1,2,10,8,0,1,5,5,24,12,21,26,7,21,0,4,0,0,9,8,0,4,13,124,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106237571262651,0.0,0.16157247660477536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181621602820826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257659867076934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951163581880668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143608221713772,0.12363103647769293,0.0,0.0,0.15291864923178464,0.0,0.09774946324189844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966168479737094,0.10572783226981522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434075881308473,0.0,0.0,0.14197052403502078,0.08410910802350552,0.3723941685985608,0.11836531668106184,0.0,0.1630334469915813,0.1465385598732343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611466443257104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373481076317015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694508205958938,0.0,0.0,0.15133516452615692,0.10453341795755088,0.1446060019068256,0.0,0.0,0.13097113427864324,0.0,0.0,0.16155429187082584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868111505272796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156999566961769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420054285893986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002854078469494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505643689474188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889150696121745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769175855191652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242319562367325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125395890435536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832146437383946,0.09482937691480414,0.0,0.1174916929350727,0.1725944344743406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047905637927963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729142965392217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354268900908522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060817053740156
suicidewatch,TheAtami,2018/04/12,"Lost my job and my entire reason to wake up. I went through heavy depression the last year and a half dealing with suicidal thoughts everyday. Every fucking dya i wish the cat that almost hits me would run me off the cliff and id fucking die, or that id take too much medidince or the wrong combo of durgs and never wake up. The only thing that kept me going was my job. I lost that this week. I dont have any motivation left. I have no reason to wake up. People love me and i dont care because i have nothing to love myself. I have nothing to motivate me to keep going. They said theyd continue to be apart of my life and then they betrayed me. My boss i told about my dewpression and suicidal thougghts new my job was my only motivaiton and only thing keeping me from killing myself and acted sympethic in an attempt  to get rid of me. Im drunk sad fucking feel betrayed by the world. I want nothiong more than to not wake up tomorrow if anyone knows how please tell me",2.2915151515151533,4.256745626262632,3.7777777777777786,87.57000000000002,77.58585858585859,6.824242424242425,25.141414141414145,7.793537801064563,1.3947050505050511,766,28,156,12,18,253,114,198,0.228,0.706,0.066,-0.9887,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,5,3,12,4,0,8,0,11,11,4,6,1,31,35,14,4,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,10,1,3,7,1,0,5,5,9,0,1,9,2,32,3,23,22,2,23,0,4,0,5,9,9,3,4,9,101,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122813793482788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625182506510086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840347126348553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835303072137504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432337831753756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560046959809253,0.09657687269646856,0.0,0.11637259591266268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628296019905708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447384071405324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669598481727167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31098542140726354,0.058582974298101616,0.0,0.12745142400210907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111897441555647,0.0,0.3338133303464892,0.1993314940985213,0.12405454819857298,0.0,0.06162337609216085,0.09140041230865993,0.0,0.0,0.121828901988236,0.0,0.0792002987998292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448049329786596,0.0,0.2024022907533024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082427997785008,0.0,0.08648109221043704,0.10829525617720656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151823329845644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558383440174885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773639530206491,0.0,0.0,0.12308438997733626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305753603160248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666071996649364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24530268986876425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430734083872835,0.0,0.0980060224594447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489875584094465,0.0,0.0,0.08901820459687143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071444300159094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613681487065083,0.0,0.08994342696545103,0.0,0.0,0.10394506079658647,0.0,0.0,0.12894325592631925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796534960584433,0.12259587721307265,0.0,0.07220764591463616
suicidewatch,Screwedup09,2018/04/12,"Cannot see a future Hi, new to reddit. I'm a 34 yr old man in the UK, and I didn't have anyone else to turn to, so just wanted to put this out there. I'm not sure why, but I couldn't handle anther night of being stuck in my own head.

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety most of my life, but managed to continue due to achieving the milestones of a normal life. I did well at school, did university and qualified as a doctor. I was getting on with things and from the outside probably looked successful. I got married, and got a mortgage and all that.

But then at 30, I had what I can only term a breakdown. I think it was a combination of hugely antisocial work, a few traumatising experiences on the job, but whatever triggered it, I fell apart. I quit my job, and took 6 months off where I began to feel better.

I then decided to retrain in a less stressful branch of medicine, which I've been doing for the past 2 years. And again, things are going well, had a baby, bought a house.

And I can feel it starting again.

My whole life has been dominated by trying to achieve. But because of this, I've neglected everything else. I've got no friends as when I was breaking down I retreated into myself, started drinking, basically shut down. I have no interests. And hate my job, which is not well paid and still has shit hours.

I had my first breakdown episode at school after a relationship broke down, then had another at university during finals. But I always had family to pick me up.

I first started having suicidal thoughts a few years ago. They became really bad last year, to the point I wrote goodbye letters and practiced hanging myself, but didn't complete.

Now I'm lying here, and can only think of my daughter as a reason to live. I don't like my life at all. I'd happily die in an accident or of an illness, but I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I hope I will die soon, but have a horrible feeling I might live quite a few years more.

Sorry for long post, thanks for listening ",3.8078030303030284,5.224721547979801,5.1423434343434336,81.70518181818184,72.15656565656566,8.31030303030303,28.35151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.219767272727273,1567,60,308,30,30,523,218,396,0.227,0.687,0.086,-0.9968,4,0,1,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,1,9,15,20,3,2,24,0,33,9,2,3,3,51,65,31,4,4,13,1,3,1,1,2,6,1,0,1,11,17,1,1,8,1,2,5,9,9,3,2,25,6,37,11,50,36,11,64,0,3,2,0,9,23,1,4,35,212,48,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970931642048516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482126463488778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942897432236522,0.06878912508289113,0.0,0.0,0.06287467683704552,0.09213443131131913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508006748198891,0.054814852559221264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952759310255711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094280192075519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744860734949298,0.0,0.18664707678840772,0.0,0.0,0.09203769449071247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808809855624873,0.0,0.0,0.15023449093845692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081496898877029,0.08795974468717996,0.08476927722419758,0.0,0.13639989400587366,0.0,0.0,0.09850378269169477,0.0,0.15297308237238133,0.0,0.0,0.06947254582347581,0.0,0.04697987879602377,0.0,0.051104032560137104,0.0,0.21575350659893305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887781209924238,0.09228462822516137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931159084158054,0.0885538223203569,0.10375646867303824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676973982299717,0.0,0.09948398332949283,0.0,0.0,0.0732974101027607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25405473059741296,0.04393073475331848,0.0,0.15880333347792366,0.07957703116698579,0.07551078008871158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539170216499547,0.0,0.0,0.0717738821024621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868460174708879,0.0,0.08438452935657184,0.08810323975977419,0.0,0.0,0.09435669733827697,0.0,0.0,0.13677755966157934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583952744638428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500417056229162,0.0,0.08611921892498184,0.0,0.09694977360565564,0.0,0.0,0.09039518668581524,0.0,0.19128356530588272,0.0,0.0,0.05760553287267167,0.09245350386167896,0.0,0.09654123002952376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820091925504168,0.07165519302209741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230235426660367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006589139833201,0.19093910194949884,0.0,0.07181082445046037,0.0,0.10300391150635613,0.09400468831255543,0.0,0.09835870213529427,0.0,0.08474923957338362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278694230552494,0.0,0.0,0.1194786970114306,0.11523516725816027,0.0,0.07138702861551684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990525816989278,0.06105028443986756,0.09780795099058097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303758615545275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425486509265928,0.0,0.08113948759724486,0.10039330240826104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654633745307267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162405076628115
suicidewatch,visiblesign,2018/04/12,"I tried my best I tried to kill myself 3 years ago. Since then, I have seen countless psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. During those treatments, I have been demeaned, shamed, and ignored. I have tried many different medications. On those medications, I have felt overwhelming apathy, debilitating stomach pain, and increased suicidal ideation. I have tried diet, exercise, self-care, self-help books, acupuncture, marijuana, and everything in between. I still want to die. Every minute I still wish I would have been successful in my attempt three years ago. My mental health and my life have only gotten worse. 

I'm exhausted and out of hope. I will never be free from this. Guilt over hurting the people I love is the only thing that has kept me here. I just hope that if I'm ever able to die from this, they will know that I tried my hardest not to. ",5.51108597285068,7.971636810457523,5.350326797385623,77.66570135746609,69.78431372549021,8.62926093514329,28.762694821518348,9.265573868473778,2.714710809451986,684,26,116,15,13,212,98,153,0.232,0.633,0.135,-0.9545,1,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,1,3,5,14,1,3,2,0,15,10,1,0,2,21,27,8,4,6,3,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,8,7,1,2,2,2,1,1,2,8,0,1,6,2,22,7,13,17,2,15,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,3,9,77,30,2,0.12802884168009215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269796866622583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435837059142505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657474490332694,0.13376289000579875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158094170891584,0.10786982095414112,0.0,0.1150640675546992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292776561635578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608867180739473,0.0,0.0,0.0858150338460083,0.0,0.0,0.25432305550822565,0.0,0.0,0.13705752297402496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416449442680101,0.0,0.07036130314391133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043055714131894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555102819599357,0.0,0.0,0.12980115054231942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795117735083106,0.12902295970859962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874373543141814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474340659654005,0.1362317142521228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875907848643996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671240078503805,0.0,0.0,0.10590678085131684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448799669463685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004277287615713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865135301269738,0.08505667351169198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346158973344805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551472793582589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722684951610146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047232748195842,0.0909480158026173,0.0,0.0,0.1648927529030411
suicidewatch,couldgo-,2018/04/12,"13, addicted to opioids and i hate myself I can't even look in the mirror without crying about the disaster I've become, and the only time I feel somewhat good is after I eat my pills. Recently I realized how easy it would be to OD myself, but I'm also scared of that. Sorry if this is dumb or something but I really don't know what to do right now.
",2.1763963963963997,3.5715675405405456,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,76.29729729729729,7.636036036036036,23.144144144144143,8.344100000000001,1.422133333333333,274,8,56,5,6,97,57,74,0.192,0.735,0.073,-0.8784,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,3,0,7,3,0,1,0,13,12,8,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,9,1,8,10,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,4,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27259025930300695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999640514476196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761594150555311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27466702533598697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558624961256215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651549702940046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264322600201545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972919206849028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468715659763969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742036115104886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997813785888075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017349075773826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601877574137313,0.0,0.24689316763993305,0.0,0.0,0.21354043328909092,0.0,0.0,0.2503426159262021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924998946008825,0.0,0.2799093227785968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458055510135129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410382605307163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776275966919536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway90451,2018/04/12,"I just took a risk and told my mother how hopeless and suicidal I feel. She got up and walked out of the room without saying anything. Thanks, Mom. Love you too. ",0.9684375000000004,3.468953968750004,1.9112500000000023,95.60875,87.4375,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,0.031662499999999934,125,4,26,1,4,39,29,32,0.299,0.597,0.104,-0.7786,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,6,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,2,5,2,4,3,0,5,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668206349978351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394471338134142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593231252720641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926378794920272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797441788646416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578474463823347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35466426160354264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985152215898161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30982375429193165,0.36024087193015003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125543158869896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aninterestingtowel,2018/04/12,"Hurt I hurt myself today. My boyfriend and I got into a really bad argument that culminated in me scratching up my arms and legs, slapping myself, screaming, and finally going to kill myself. My boyfriend saw all this happening and stopped everything to take me home and be with someone. At least he had a decent response. Not like before. Before he would've left me. Wouldn't have cared. 

It's not my fault I have this mess in my head, but I'm the one that has to clean it up. That doesn't seem fair to me...",2.180198019801981,4.439868257425747,3.3034554455445537,89.3676584158416,79.29702970297029,6.4162376237623775,22.971287128712873,7.554174236665415,1.0101556435643566,398,13,81,6,10,128,67,101,0.211,0.74,0.049,-0.9005,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,0,7,3,3,0,1,14,15,6,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,3,15,2,11,10,2,11,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,1,4,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503296151469486,0.0,0.0,0.3567607411144708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137325715150736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884026457516973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296402944638181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913801444691023,0.0,0.1676609007055513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537582391083815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151416790402796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027678440928085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488282136594043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319254205467635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277644773099669,0.0,0.0,0.10241501990171313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205125520467002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429485822924475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084000691868355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761949635843266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526073524465854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761627254409946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870548668581328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891570554756114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw_ing_awaymylife,2018/04/12,"I'm less depressed than I have been in months...and I still want to die just as much (maybe even more) I'm sorry this will be rambly, but my mind is going crazy and I really don't know what I'm doing anymore. 

I'm sitting in a library, surrounded by other students who are better than me in every way. I can't stop thinking about what a complete piece of shit I am. I've never really connected to another person, because I don't know how. I have some people who ""care"" about me...my bosses, my co-workers, some students in a club I'm in, but they don't actually know me - they just see the facade I put on. They don't know how shitty my grades are, or how fucking lonely I am when I'm not at work or doing club things, etc. I'm a junior in college, so I don't feel like I can leave school (and forever regret wasting money without even getting a degree), and when I do graduate, it'll be with a shitty GPA with no direction in life whatsoever. From Nov-Feb, I was in possibly the worst depressive episode I've had, and I thought I finally was finally free in March, but even though I feel so much more functional and active these days, I still see no fucking point for living another day. Not when I've already screwed up at so many things. One of the ""friends"" I know from a club was talking about graduation earlier, and I remembered once again that I am technically a year behind in college, because I took a year off for mental health shit. She started college a year after me...and she's graduating at least a year before me. And it's not just her - everywhere I look, people are just so much better than me. I know I don't know the full story for anyone's life, and that everyone is going through their own struggles, but that makes it even worse...even with how shitty life can be sometimes, people are still achieving and advancing in their lives, and I'm here, a complete waste, sucking up oxygen and resources and an education...none of which I deserve

I know I can't kill myself now. Even the biggest piece of shit human being would make some people sad by committing suicide, and I don't want to cause anyone pain. but I think the only thing I can look forward to in life now is the day I finally decide that I'm allowed to die.",5.186410193379217,5.209732595132742,6.2371189773844655,80.16261717469679,68.18141592920354,9.085676827269749,30.67879383808588,8.841846274778883,2.3483660111438867,1751,63,351,27,27,586,211,452,0.182,0.7340000000000001,0.084,-0.9938,1,2,0,0,0,3,67.0,0,0,5,5,31,22,8,1,20,0,39,12,3,9,2,66,78,33,4,4,15,0,2,1,1,3,6,0,0,2,18,16,0,1,15,3,2,6,16,16,0,1,7,6,47,7,49,64,16,55,0,5,4,3,14,24,7,5,26,243,65,15,0.0,0.0,0.07257745113275878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207260368141689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155973433148256,0.0,0.0,0.07375816508610736,0.10400685025835482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906743453622277,0.0,0.06328605989345037,0.0,0.0,0.13155398776302804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758283676608018,0.07640169648523001,0.0,0.0,0.15595763370587862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389355767310225,0.0,0.12811494408462312,0.0,0.15437514388347331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294570497704035,0.2947365247218131,0.0,0.06266257377467918,0.07106671751325504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521058325750697,0.05313218237741205,0.0,0.24441640160272596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057460499473069526,0.13751352942073258,0.03885689330664484,0.0,0.08453593289800564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905516447138959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228285438406266,0.0,0.3269882389820466,0.0,0.0,0.07875041114375611,0.0,0.0,0.21012777839919825,0.03633495694196399,0.0,0.1313456812539389,0.0,0.12490940379594685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928929002130783,0.07540268538458232,0.07471781035762204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495062715274863,0.0,0.07509566477288503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401843473059394,0.0,0.05736114653318241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920496130907036,0.050397160947359104,0.05656412041406823,0.07913825914667875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624386893878727,0.06493975262117686,0.0,0.0,0.0703066519285776,0.08384453474314456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476554249395488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529066920007782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425026357735564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526958303220124,0.11853151866208456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290288623728704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355693205525766,0.08325463541518649,0.05264168762355488,0.0,0.17818344462203514,0.06217927091986141,0.0,0.07775094865494896,0.0,0.08135213824720773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977830856578276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823061812314756,0.0953106034769652,0.07307122734974965,0.059043961489026076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263128932995231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773440371918699,0.059033932637362486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169304795706498,0.0,0.10828905586059834,0.0,0.0,0.0528325411081848,0.0,0.0,0.19157544162587373
suicidewatch,sla342,2018/04/12,"Why is it that I want to die, and I'm in no rush to do it? I'm divorced and hanging on by a thread. I lack motivation in nearly every aspect of my life, and I don't feel like fixing it. Simple things seem to set me off the deep end, most times it's just anger and I can't get a hold on it. I'm holding on to two things.. I have a dog that needs me, and an ex that I want the best for. I don't feel a need to continue my struggle when those factors have taken care of themselves. It's sad and I know it, but I can't find the will. I just don't want to be in this world. I would slip off like a sick cat and no one would be any wiser to where I've gone, and that sounds really good to me.",0.4907556935817787,0.9847560000000009,2.9083385093167697,98.107766563147,79.06211180124224,6.112008281573499,18.385610766045552,5.985473137389443,-0.5717333333333334,520,8,145,3,12,181,88,161,0.14800000000000002,0.741,0.11,-0.7167,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,1,9,0,14,2,0,1,0,28,30,10,1,8,3,1,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,15,8,0,2,6,0,0,3,7,3,0,2,2,3,16,5,21,23,3,20,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,2,6,95,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798250875296225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129365120409009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068753965678864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105835856442091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971380107043589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095640061235787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518995354217373,0.14495553100935835,0.0,0.0,0.18545169680387574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600960379585736,0.0,0.0,0.17018727328812705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151140348134857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143317958790554,0.19825848448354674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009033019510464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749382953248013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998628078193375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471729335618128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212059329132416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696024267584753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831566656280824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820891843460006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35903627076432976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309040280263167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882760958889753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charcoal-in-the-car,2018/04/12,"This evening I'm going to kill myself. My head hurts so much. I've been experiencing feelings of depression for as long as I can remember now. It wasn't always like this, but ever since I've hit my twenties I've found myself contemplating suicide and feeling depressed for atleast the last five years. I'm so tired. Yes, the issues in my life aren't worth letting go of life, but if it isn't these problems, what will it be next? There is always a different reason for the season. I've felt sad over the thoughts, and I've felt happy and calm and even excited about ending things, and this time, now, I've been calmly living out my last few days since deciding tonight would be the night. In this very last moment I can't understand my own thoughts anymore.. everyone is calling me..I haven't cried out for any help or let anyone in on my plans, but it's almost like everyone can sense something, and it's starting to make my head hurt..I can't figure out what I want anymore, WHAT DO I WANT?! I feel like part of me has already died and I'm living in a dark cloud right now. Is it common to be on the fence until the very last moment you take your own life? Am I waiting now for some kind of answer that isn't going to be there? Is it common to feel a subtle pain of not wanting to miss out on what life could become? I almost wish I could speak to someone who did kill themselves to find out \- how did you feel in that last moment? Last night I hung myself from a short suspension until my vision started to blur \- no that's not how I want to go. Today I've gathered all the material to kill myself via CO poisening and have rented a car for this evening to do it in.  I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what I want or am doing anymore. And if I don't do this, how do I climb back up from here? How do I feel the kind of life I used to feel, when I've opted to end it all? How do I remove this black veil and breathe again?",3.581484211484213,4.051084083538086,4.640240240240242,88.64292292292295,71.80098280098281,7.307270907270907,24.902083902083906,7.0931098945946705,0.8385792883792882,1510,40,336,13,27,495,185,407,0.157,0.75,0.093,-0.988,2,0,1,0,0,3,44.0,0,3,0,2,22,20,3,0,14,1,40,10,3,8,3,72,78,30,5,12,9,0,10,4,0,2,7,1,1,0,27,16,0,2,21,0,2,8,12,10,0,1,10,13,34,10,49,57,8,61,1,5,1,0,8,18,0,8,39,215,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533800536709068,0.0,0.08008349428586986,0.0,0.12076915458663763,0.0,0.0,0.0493505166434882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591169259616025,0.05074307152900895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055802334602437005,0.0,0.0,0.08014855874759794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410272664819201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588348513153934,0.0,0.07971542890088554,0.04680205243810062,0.0,0.1250099537765551,0.0,0.07531685604286316,0.07582086200332877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855207534557414,0.0,0.0,0.1437966491535886,0.06564428917035486,0.0,0.1386886929524065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935511264109328,0.10368894449441488,0.13935836991517156,0.0,0.0663282406762757,0.0,0.0,0.07956994954170944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062178058060372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725278459596902,0.0,0.0,0.1489568050804921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864256326076027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537671973865266,0.0,0.0,0.07574488280344742,0.0,0.0,0.24086594807457615,0.1511422864034222,0.039882920111980316,0.3549284937121844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484167710405783,0.25629390908041993,0.1418173756462878,0.0,0.12816239088751066,0.06422272348274513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048441458741425726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334776279919151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717968781689304,0.13620523951733085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722026644564378,0.0,0.0,0.07858691984095435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944029159691431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461469379348827,0.0,0.0,0.0822083764756677,0.0619749211122014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006234936754685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148885891283935,0.055868416103875385,0.0,0.0,0.10273173022178753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938049003237231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456408189151835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821270162832615,0.0,0.0,0.11522594728141095,0.04231651768520201,0.08340926309104632,0.06878847134762175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554858469700063,0.0,0.06267772345855754,0.0,0.11975673917148028,0.2140201877289344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345264250691098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155209307564956,0.0,0.0,0.0467331061053947
suicidewatch,KynValkynaz,2018/04/12,"I have no reason to suicide myself, but I want to Rip lol",1.0115384615384642,1.8242855384615453,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,78.23076923076924,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.21909230769230748,44,1,10,0,1,16,11,13,0.264,0.424,0.312,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6374577302475646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6781734860699993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656888909158817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatever44443,2018/04/12,3:30 tomorrow I have the symptoms of HIV. im getting a test tomorrow at 3:30 and if it comes back positive im going to kill myself. i dont want to hear anything about how the disease is manageable with medication or not a big deal anymore. i would much rather not be alive than live a long life with HIV. i guess we'll find out tomorrow afternoon what my fate is. ,2.906400000000001,4.410841440000002,4.546333333333333,84.73150000000003,74.6,8.733333333333334,28.5,9.2995712137729,2.4366,288,12,61,7,6,97,58,75,0.113,0.8370000000000001,0.05,-0.5432,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,5,0,7,5,0,1,0,15,13,4,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,9,10,1,11,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,6,38,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752165622409814,0.0,0.0,0.18049424322189106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865528815889516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893791863563214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612503813859205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570593094504586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046846828235185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145936287584853,0.0,0.12465329169290125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416225341239057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720679637573684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738394714873508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266198519950466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154922991653615,0.0,0.0,0.1936770667415955,0.19410481680561065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209572149008885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612366645881711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279733332999048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936962831539991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558094867322657,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbradolfLincler08,2018/04/12,Each and every day I think about it Today my girlfriend of almost 3 years (may8) broke up with me says she wants to be with other people. Never have I felt more like dying and I think I'm actually going to do it. It's just one second. One trigger pull. I want to have the will to live but I don't. I love her so much.,-1.1906825396825411,0.8065998999999984,1.6033333333333353,97.42055555555555,92.85714285714286,3.6825396825396814,12.063492063492065,5.033348758259628,-1.4516984126984132,243,3,58,1,9,84,53,70,0.097,0.857,0.047,-0.6455,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,15,14,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,2,10,2,9,11,3,7,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2465365660044108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529787411294775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292950048628416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621965724578184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285696196672466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425704474060367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357901989786645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342532522951423,0.0,0.22308246370228468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280141062289053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571673446220752,0.0,0.19484867362589975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34238576313753843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514618663937234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009065098897268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237582543652201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23946965340261744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980228469832568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626894812785156
suicidewatch,NoxiousSpoon,2018/04/12,"My girlfriend said she's going to do it, please help I don't know what I can do, I'm freaking out. Someone please help. I'm in another state. She said if things don't go well today, this is it. She didn't explain anything. What the hell cam I say? ",-1.3955555555555534,0.6131460185185205,0.8091666666666661,101.28375000000004,98.07407407407408,3.4407407407407407,17.86111111111111,5.148860815047168,-0.7325111111111111,191,6,46,1,8,63,37,54,0.161,0.664,0.175,-0.0552,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,15,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,3,7,1,3,12,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,2,1,1,1,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25353407075563583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896956533433569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748255104750355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241285888650767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287945524596848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308176126218882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599883766216901,0.1922782109025332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486479056933346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606321079379534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918518940465385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173949669154159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Henlo123455,2018/04/13,"I need some positivity It's my last few days before I do it,just give me something positive,I keep getting verbally attacked,I just can't keep going,think I'll do it Sunday or Monday ",3.2475438596491237,4.763830421052635,5.807894736842107,75.98359649122811,73.73684210526315,8.224561403508767,28.456140350877188,8.841846274778883,2.408919298245614,148,6,28,3,3,53,29,38,0.0,0.895,0.105,0.5106,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064363262403136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224816153421465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814828501011446,0.34546074182870096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401839307833822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29354656418748937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670250533385277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772386306159216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075090494179384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HeartUndone,2018/04/13,"I’m so tired. I have a good manufacturing job. I work loads of overtime. I have a good car and a roof over my head. I have two children and am 7 months pregnant. I have everything to be happy in this world. But I’m miserable. 

I am bipolar but cannot take meds because of said pregnancy. 

I don’t want to be pregnant. 
I don’t want to keep existing. 
I want out of this fucking world. 
The only reason I can’t allow myself to finally rest is because I don’t want to fuck my children up anymore. They have my dna so it’s a toss up if they’ll struggle like I do but I can’t burden them more with offing myself. 

But I want to die. 

I wish I would get t boned and die so at least they’d get my sizable life insurance. They’d be better off without me. 

I need to hold on. But my fingers are slipping and holding on hurts. 


I feel so alone. People everywhere and it’s like I’m a ghost walking through this world. 

Can it please stop. ",-0.4854545454545445,1.6665273838383854,1.980618181818184,94.96892727272729,90.8181818181818,4.784161616161616,21.05131313131313,6.360717304075467,0.24220379797979816,714,26,163,8,25,243,108,198,0.19,0.65,0.16,-0.9235,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,5,2,4,12,2,2,6,0,24,8,3,2,0,29,42,15,3,9,7,0,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,6,7,0,4,2,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,1,3,31,6,23,34,3,17,0,2,0,2,8,12,2,1,5,106,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942035973170115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307721644427135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589148160327084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759521850431074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994592646013577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966070296184642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294731971078466,0.0,0.0,0.15804089103815475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667508470414987,0.15075039156672146,0.0,0.0,0.2420139041106421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357825113112974,0.0,0.0,0.14806278982684234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444417316964326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316585681207405,0.12823393292573687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190226938223663,0.14096621012221625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025160676540584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515505263633875,0.0,0.0,0.10697448384061474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972394568134156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001875264253594,0.0,0.0,0.1583652947562596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833373633610902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372339446092138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061630049177673,0.0,0.15082247906336385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084731937534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581730769517913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093096755446965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254713446262091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659035458140822,0.13907127066037306,0.0,0.10503038318418607,0.0,0.0,0.10248537108551814,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_hiding_lividus,2018/04/13,"So I made an attempt this week I kinda have a background of mental health issues and I'm also a borderline.

I have been going through a rough breakup recently and on Tuesday I got to the point where I just couldn't take it any more we got into an arguement over text and the abusive texts from my ex just kept coming and I felt o couldn't cope so I took a tonne of quetiapine and I responded to him saying ""I can't take this any more I've jusr taken an over dose!!! Leave me!!!""

They kicked in not long after that and next thing I know I'm being woken up my mum shaking me and screaming surrounded by ambulance crew I spent the night in hospital.

This was like Xmas to my ex as hes since apparently been posting about it on Facebook and had been lashing out at people who tell him he's out of order. Friends have fallen out with him over it but he sent me abuse telling me it was my fault they have fallen out with him.

I feel like the shitest person on the planet I want out",2.301764705882352,3.8694989803921587,3.608627450980393,90.56382352941178,76.35294117647058,6.564705882352942,23.27450980392157,7.285733465282438,0.7544392156862747,768,23,168,9,17,251,123,204,0.113,0.8440000000000001,0.043,-0.9309,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,0,2,1,7,6,0,1,12,0,15,2,0,1,0,31,34,13,0,3,4,3,3,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,10,18,0,1,3,0,1,7,4,3,0,0,16,5,29,3,30,15,2,35,0,0,0,0,21,19,0,1,9,113,39,0,0.0,0.3914496498529019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321035219476952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246716657072481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229778457356704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352574733086111,0.1180127861845824,0.15860967234281118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762648426911755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388209299537216,0.0,0.2642373443069353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559075882257247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241692838991093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078488640310996,0.0,0.0,0.17491386606786527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614083710757172,0.0,0.0,0.14618921181069597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630811938103126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647410177410646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568295328955574,0.1550209608821354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452293373752652,0.14423877955031406,0.0,0.0,0.15615929009775445,0.0,0.15820772089345012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310660218144996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313668505207791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366480528258645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484067847741914,0.0,0.28876917105270977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974584178453456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835337500459548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743418173187933,0.0,0.13250659599618445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,philiphasadip,2018/04/13,How should I spend my last night? Tomorrow is my time ,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727258,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,105.36363636363636,5.836363636363638,14.590909090909092,7.1686216300943375,0.01005454545454576,42,1,10,1,2,13,10,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5936904591559365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6834933172826227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42469815626773016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemiseBehindBlueEyes,2018/04/13,"I know when. So far, I haven't gone through with it. I know how I will if I decide to go through with it (asphyxiation in the garage). I know exactly what I'll say in my final letter because I've been saying it and writing it and basically just shy of screaming it to everyone for the last 3 years, and nobody will truly listen.

Very recently I've received some good news, and I know when part of this hell I've been living will end. 13 months. I can try to get everything in order by then so that when the time comes and it's at the ""make or break"" moment, I'll be ready for the permanent break.

Basically I found meaning in life and that meaning was ripped away from me 3 years ago. In 13 months, I'll be able to try and make that meaning happen again, to try and become whole again. If I can't, I can honestly say it will be THE most likely time I'll kill myself. Not when I was in jail, nor in the years after, nor losing all my friends and having no career or income and becoming the fattest I've ever been in my life... But all hinging on this one thing.

And that's okay. Because if it doesn't happen, I know it never will, and then there is no longer a reason to live. I know I will hurt others. I know it's a selfish decision. I know I could keep living and struggling and being unhappy. I've accepted my life up to this point, and accept my fate should things not work out. I used to believe that ""there's always hope"" as my ex used to tell me, but should everything count for nothing, then that's where my hope, and thus my life, will be.

I know I'm being vague, but frankly even here I would face judgement should I say what I want to say openly, and I don't want to explain myself or my situation.

I don't expect this to be read until after my death, if at all. I just wanted to get this out into words as it's been something on my mind lately.",4.073692307692308,4.0735828435897465,5.240320512820514,86.43509615384617,70.56410256410257,8.038461538461537,25.48076923076923,7.6454224807358475,1.092,1439,36,321,15,24,479,179,390,0.08,0.858,0.062,-0.82,1,0,1,0,0,1,49.0,0,0,0,2,17,16,2,1,10,1,34,5,1,7,6,87,67,42,2,15,14,1,0,1,1,11,4,7,0,0,27,24,0,1,19,1,0,4,12,7,0,1,8,7,41,9,46,40,7,56,1,2,0,0,13,21,1,11,29,220,68,3,0.0846636466619215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504921445366489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044693628604481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795442829956989,0.0,0.0,0.10322034637109936,0.18700869210638896,0.0,0.09538693748203593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293023496764472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759703271591529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498686144078133,0.0,0.0,0.055919540138330566,0.0765831154909543,0.0,0.08089974256633595,0.152180452952568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274488659177997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282931862584748,0.06541092339374452,0.0,0.0884665220354053,0.0,0.04811630147247295,0.07101184998051085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973556627430054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681802086699404,0.0,0.0,0.09063418480677676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525293921270114,0.09366778106857697,0.0,0.4187603345377505,0.06901217193585901,0.0955042811235266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392017497552296,0.0413623812330368,0.0,0.2242786533371643,0.0,0.0,0.09471696449258267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302728314164633,0.0,0.0,0.2766705936400239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548614823586216,0.0,0.13515543005448227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529782365393205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123705236329118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737027809051552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168247892272273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800345118045174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468655784709482,0.0,0.0,0.0870483294788949,0.08359513718020993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366396498775693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516548611573986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517821149188399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850882593952067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399975888380128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249352970678417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873610643115496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244317584715926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462444150131654,0.0,0.06985637519045121,0.14981043708194458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452393798490633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163614310904397,0.0,0.0,0.06014262546993701,0.0,0.0,0.16356183793075796
suicidewatch,ShanklinX,2018/04/13,"Life just isn't for me. No matter what I do, something always has to go wrong. For some reason, I keep convincing myself things will go in my favor for once, but they never do. I can't get a job, I'm about to lose the best therapist I ever had, I have absolutely zero passion for school that I cannot even afford, I'm dependent on other people despite being a capable adult. What am I doing wrong? What am I still doing here? There is no future for me. I don't want to be here anymore. I just wish I had the fucking guts to hang myself already. 

Maybe I will by the end of the year. It honestly feels like life just isn't for me and it never was.",0.6182586027111583,2.592069934306572,3.127158498435872,90.07184306569343,83.23357664233576,5.666110531803963,18.544838373305527,6.868970318607317,0.16686485922836305,499,12,108,6,14,173,86,137,0.115,0.695,0.19,0.8982,2,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,10,10,1,0,6,0,21,5,1,2,3,16,31,2,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,3,1,19,6,15,24,2,12,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,2,8,87,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677109901816853,0.0,0.14836939551288247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768370266635398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712684676363436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579310029637294,0.0,0.0,0.11777301902802575,0.16129289861164658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015961759190544,0.12738572252709415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484604545396864,0.09316036359781568,0.0,0.20267699179419466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694658218519546,0.15849139352519911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189327519298826,0.08711395873342978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199484881919038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913779995783569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750495375555425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989585544251653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361869532729708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333384964745897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804606886041688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727285173049186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239973979307105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070333157061168,0.11846219212383532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051727023827623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504934666609045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38991111781544063,0.0,0.11482671592807504
suicidewatch,KuribohGirl,2018/04/13,"Well, everything arrived and I've done test runs.Going to kill myself now. Well, see ya later I guess. It's my 20th birthday in 23 minutes and I have to die by then. Cutting it a bit close, I think haha. I've commented here a lot before on a few different accounts. My first (and last) post here though. You're all so kind and sweet, I think I just wanted to say that. Whelp, goodbye guys. Blessed be. Thank you to everyone I've made friends with on reddit. etc also go learn how to solve a Rubik's cube or lock pick. It's fun and anyone can do it. I guess I'll die then (shrugging guy emote). 


See ya later alligator ",0.048515625000000284,2.320545570312504,2.0034375000000004,94.9478125,89.390625,4.7625,18.9375,6.322622252153567,-0.045368749999999736,475,14,105,5,16,157,89,128,0.101,0.6859999999999999,0.213,0.925,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,3,0,1,10,11,2,0,4,1,5,0,0,3,1,20,15,12,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,2,4,12,9,10,12,5,13,1,0,2,0,8,4,0,4,7,59,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515603124694386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943109491922028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133173205612143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086161401071048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248524684963934,0.16351315946651018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015772298979628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604570865963212,0.0,0.0,0.1745431054192511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954608644473802,0.14065552281444582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312205119211534,0.0,0.0,0.12091444662200353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788943082243516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448131572415087,0.30992673233562285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314826525291166,0.1629746228533429,0.0,0.1275714841934944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305393299385065,0.0,0.14808767839777254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988737747270844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244581022987486,0.0,0.0,0.2494265298374027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408767085972696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005626296727145,0.15376418757248236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230999532460422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814314206959936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,endlessvoid90,2018/04/13,"I don't know how long i can take this anymore Im almost 28, no friends or a girlfriend. In general i can't connect or relate with other people. I work a shitty wageslave job in a warehouse because im too stupid for anything better. I have no useful talents, im not intelligent and im not good looking. I literally feel like im good at nothing many have atleast one thing they have an aptitude for. Everyday after work i come back to my small lonely apartment and cope with videogames, tv or anime.

I don't know how long i can take this anymore.",1.5258108108108104,3.884315567567569,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,82.51351351351352,5.501801801801802,27.268018018018022,6.816661863887847,1.3761045045045055,432,20,85,5,12,144,70,111,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.6704,2,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,4,8,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,3,0,18,16,7,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,2,0,1,0,2,11,6,9,16,0,11,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,4,6,50,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360470143858186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26464119189882795,0.0,0.0,0.10979645081386252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025946962090702,0.0,0.08133393368480664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800254276935992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493282289811416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746310179163352,0.09531801703668376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308292681835768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381917132444096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7206032072844195,0.0,0.13240257228767605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665250484486148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518414809728709,0.0,0.0,0.23615179731722566,0.11204242086737333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527083075651744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802377170699114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904114461487484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249929013633168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006362438227693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864086981695292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523535785948988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942682873082028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fourfuckingfriends,2018/04/13,"I tried making a list of people who care about me I got one item down. 

I don't think I can even fucking call it a list. 

I have no one that I can honestly say that I love. ",-1.2402499999999996,0.20298747500000047,1.5850000000000009,101.51000000000002,86.75,5.0,15.0,5.985473137389443,-1.0137500000000004,129,2,36,1,4,45,29,40,0.057,0.674,0.269,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,8,3,3,9,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386035417477716,0.0,0.33809116228881586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902052685153467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065614520430068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652130575518382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992844802951621,0.0,0.22134744886172816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494052884526775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298916339475093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637038619878128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124776894322697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513653922860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1000asses,2018/04/13,"Alot of these stories I read... Make me sad. There's hope for EVERYONE here.. Yes I dont know anyones problem... But I can say this...

ARE YOU STUCK FROM IT?
WHEN YOU LOOK AT SHIT DO YOU GET STUCK?

WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE DO YOU FEEEZE AND ACT TRAUMATIC?

Ive done drugs. Coke meth weed... BUT I did that one Drug... That one time.. Only once. Nbome. A research chemical like LSD....This was November 2013...I was 19....

I can say that at first, I was fine... Had multiple jobs....( ADHD)   But late 2014, Ibegin to question my self.... Why cant I socialize with society correctly... Why do I act stupid... Also, Why was my character so childish and happy?I had a tremendous Joy for Life.... Chakra meditator. Loved Life... I Still do... 

But I have slowly degrated myself somehow... And Now I think Im stuck on a Trance..... 
I was fine... But throughout the uears of lack of confidence and NOT WORKING, Ive developed a traumatic responce to something that is long gone... But I feel like it came back. Ive been actively sharing this feeling since 2016..
Just a year ago my family found out..... 

It hurts me more, knowing they are affected. And they are sad because they dont know what to do... The days pass by... Amd im still a typical 24 year old.

I had friends who are married, woth  children, graduated from universitied, became freelamcers.. Or doing something for themselves...

And I cant move on..... Without thinking im in a Trance, LUCID DREAM.....

Life is soo fucken beautiful.. Theres alot to admire. We can sing play have fun enjoy eachothers company.... We can work hard foe what we want......

We have a pine tree. It was small when we first git it it 2015... Someone broke the main stem were its growth was leading.....

Now in 2018, It not only developed a new center point, but It is surpassing the other pine tree...

Nature regenerates.... And so can you...

But I feel like im stuck..... Dont know what to do.
I feel like homelessness is my only option....

But this isnt about me its about you, the reader...
Hope mybexperience can help you realize that you can move on and heal... just like the pine tree..... ",0.1525157035175866,2.502868087939703,1.8966190326633168,92.54105920226135,98.02010050251256,5.4020728643216085,20.037845477386934,6.974610023878497,0.7050262562814065,1561,55,324,29,64,508,211,398,0.073,0.8029999999999999,0.124,0.9639,1,0,5,0,0,0,178.0,5,9,3,5,19,25,3,0,17,1,48,9,1,3,1,57,73,24,0,5,15,0,5,5,1,0,6,2,0,2,24,16,1,0,13,4,0,9,9,8,0,4,21,9,45,17,26,52,5,39,0,4,2,1,28,11,1,8,24,201,69,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464189198154653,0.0,0.07718279733929204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696302948656974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060881759598680876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695188560606777,0.0,0.05307740482860608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099585524050781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615330762215191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891034124819335,0.306138141320904,0.0,0.2019484115784377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831996507991895,0.0,0.0,0.08208237428707939,0.0,0.17610196396817765,0.18660967502157508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481243466300758,0.0,0.0954683741702172,0.06727049817679738,0.0,0.04549077356290211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779981187893895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058361560573096674,0.0,0.0,0.17296142347054205,0.0,0.0,0.09321083463534888,0.0,0.3762045819846713,0.0,0.08640409496109899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914068093385205,0.0,0.09821938348925603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450153318353985,0.21269138600718007,0.0,0.0,0.0770547050864623,0.0731173405850593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858457928765086,0.0,0.05812027448947176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508445008830865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409328880478882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913659052079576,0.09272730404705784,0.11800252885772484,0.1986632518380782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060363762657183434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230982229095919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331476617549183,0.0,0.0,0.09753895352135494,0.0,0.08709412189397488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384840071252836,0.0,0.0,0.06938396274981799,0.0,0.09083358280009286,0.0,0.08937667794962942,0.07202566646826893,0.0,0.0,0.08875747021754374,0.07377460239450755,0.13406234096218275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390693223635006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158259737076627,0.0,0.0,0.050771543368062916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513564718333164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357029106006489,0.0,0.0,0.08393291210677938,0.0,0.12677680844475864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214117102003718
suicidewatch,4oclocksomewhere901,2018/04/13,What's the point in doing tomorrow? If its just going to bring more panic attacks and blackouts and suffering?,4.7650000000000015,7.6997975000000025,5.4200000000000035,74.01500000000001,74.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.2005,90,4,13,2,2,29,19,20,0.39,0.61,0.0,-0.8815,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5769971163672509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882454027937022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.595073307702195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794545587775154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rudewa,2018/04/13,"After 23 years, I’m finally ready All my life I’ve felt like a screw up but I still kept trying. I did all the things I read I should do, I saw a doctor, then a psychiatrist, got on meds and tried to get a therapist. 

And I realized that there was no point. I’m not good enough, or smart enough or even pretty enough. I’m just as ugly on the inside as I am outside. 

I hurt so much on the inside and I feel like no one noticed. I don’t want to cause anymore pain to my family or friends. So I’ve decided to end it. I just wanted at least one person to know that. 

It’s not for attention, I spent the last month crying over this day. And now that it’s here, I know it’s the right thing to do. 

I’m sorry. ",-1.3771153846153863,0.5708285961538522,1.4455897435897431,98.59107692307694,93.16666666666666,4.914871794871795,14.21025641025641,6.508806274219699,-0.7009682051282051,535,10,135,7,20,185,93,156,0.179,0.6970000000000001,0.125,-0.8692,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,0,9,0,7,4,0,1,2,26,22,13,0,3,8,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,7,1,1,0,5,3,0,2,7,3,15,5,16,14,7,18,0,1,1,1,2,8,1,3,12,88,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661813460504405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518730056021295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239594082405026,0.0953449469315651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132110353231126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309428771096833,0.4582765344887911,0.0,0.09764731223143627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937094628653926,0.0,0.07475264200851202,0.10561734363343664,0.14195014632750033,0.16195213473669054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422126941987072,0.0,0.07724060389133194,0.0,0.0,0.1240016686479473,0.11824162150871373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582664042081882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624986385621399,0.12050980898841795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442417751860338,0.14445488446102314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421756192437864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800494465491575,0.0,0.10867984090513663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831748617340964,0.0,0.0,0.20036121340235835,0.0,0.15731280622871804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290886965519612,0.0,0.0,0.13975713934938666,0.0,0.0,0.15040702483608068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788059299923514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625505200537707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654954312861133,0.0,0.0,0.1180656823439366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165431427255815,0.1964374312113691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007481057304076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744004151808261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520448974880233
suicidewatch,Mp1918p,2018/04/13,"Am I in danger of suicide Hello all. I've been severely bi polar for 6 years which began to manifest itself in suicidal thoughts. After months of getting into better shape, seeking help, trying to repair and improve my social life, I still want to die and my symptoms are worsening, so after realizing this I've given up. I have stopped showing up to most of my university classes and completely isolated myself. Ive lost 17 pounds in 3 weeks because I'm too anxious to eat regularly. All I think about is walking into a hospital or something and shooting myself in the head. These thoughts make me happy until I think about my family. I hate myself which makes me want to die but I hate myself more for wanting to die. I feel like nothing matters anymore. I feel like my fate is already sealed and it's over. I'm in so much pain.

Am I actually in danger of killing myself or will this pass?",3.6394990366088606,5.7310177283237005,5.277942196531793,77.7645048169557,74.02890173410405,7.387899807321773,30.03044315992293,8.238735603445708,2.4886334489402717,709,32,122,12,15,240,109,173,0.266,0.649,0.086,-0.9887,0,0,1,1,0,4,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,5,0,2,0,9,6,1,2,2,27,28,11,6,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,7,1,1,7,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,6,2,23,4,29,21,5,23,0,1,0,1,3,12,0,3,11,86,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.13041467753704972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747655059088885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097668360982894,0.13253630659795165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146652525498045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181949119530628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012041062167535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160958595626052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674846248279354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259851690081722,0.0,0.1351461619251324,0.19094681126001448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698220884253449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226369987160598,0.0,0.263886326360366,0.13715457845716394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957697844687776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785435081891465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439483625355312,0.13058082418025246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458853180654443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841327490718215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667124886692,0.0,0.09824176766414992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823247762026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220381656251305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097668360982894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623052431434404,0.0,0.1028836387254117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672615305047004,0.11173015089313924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292363887429779,0.0,0.0,0.1389045308080265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126395904388034,0.0,0.2121926046704534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073370276369612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647538852694724,0.0,0.10719902814944272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860606464325779
suicidewatch,GuruIsHappy,2018/04/13,Why I don’t do it... Because I don’t have a gun and I am afraid of any other options. I hope something else kills me... maybe a truck.,-2.8870000000000005,-1.3285090333333294,0.12333333333333485,104.86500000000002,106.0,2.4000000000000004,16.0,3.1291,-1.4087999999999998,99,3,26,0,5,34,23,30,0.212,0.6829999999999999,0.104,-0.4588,0,0,1,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740250329032751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456392548830411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366194260213096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002278871961368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458129575638626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048251396669964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102165002995645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636066201846614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vuloee,2018/04/13,"LSD/Mushrooms I've read a bit about these two and people from forums say that it changes your perspective on life and in some cases cures depression... I know that people usually don't recommend drugs, but lets be real... Whats worse than wanting to end your life? You can't fall more than you've already fell. Try to be open-minded about it. It's not really expensive and no deaths were ever recorded related to these two. So... Get yourself the cheapest ""trip"" possible, it may change you, give it a shot. ",2.7455670103092795,5.274535154639178,3.5208350515463955,87.09671649484541,78.89690721649485,7.178969072164946,24.13298969072165,8.238735603445708,1.6526131958762886,398,14,76,8,10,126,74,97,0.097,0.903,0.0,-0.836,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,1,11,11,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,1,0,2,1,1,5,0,10,6,3,8,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303408276974985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008660064961453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38926741882731497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846761887979974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133663536631598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295775389599634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642665457627084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612554418793197,0.17649696781485616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111437038710602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881390369175527,0.2599107304876838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857742868294014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551066548309868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741754791782294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403665637938912,0.209417334406536,0.11786669820208295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631374126707744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491500542370483,0.0,0.3594568692873825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263554044386772,0.0,0.1085202210449024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874983358295028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hdisuauwww,2018/04/13,"Writing to you guys from the hospital 14F here. Last night, I tightened a belt around my neck, tied it to a rack in my closet, and leaned back until I was lightheaded and saw double. I wrote a suicide note to my big brother. I’m completely fine, it was more of a gesture than a real attempt, even though the doctor’s are using that interchangeably. 

I told my parents right after, and I scared them so bad. I feel so bad, they have so much on their plate right now in terms of work and general life stress. I could have just said “I want to see my therapist more often” instead of “I think about killing myself and death every day”. 

I’m such a burden to my parents, they didn’t sign up for all this mess. 

The hospital is so boring, there’s a guard always watching me outside my room, my mom is sitting next to me all the time and won’t let me out of her sight (she even made me sleep in my parents’ bed last night), and I got my blood drawn and passed out for the first time. I want to go home so badly, it’s my fault I’m here. I’m waiting for the therapist or whoever to come in, but I don’t know when that will be since they come see people in the ER in between patients. 

I hurt myself because I feel like I’ve ruined my life. I’ve had sex with people in the double digits, manipulated and lied to a lot of them about my age (I look much older than I really am). I hate all the people I let crawl inside my body. I gave myself away to whoever would have me, I had no self respect and couldn’t even comprehend the consequences. I did just about every drug I could get my hands on. I was a humongous slut. All this happened from when I was 12-13, and then I came to my senses a few months ago. I’ve been trying to change so much, but I feel like nobody will ever want a disgusting slut like me. That someday everybody will find out what I’ve done in the past and abandon me, which has happened with a guy I liked before. He found out I had sex with two of his ugly, horrible friends and dropped me. That sent me even further down into this awful dark place. I wish I was innocent and pure and happy again. I wish I wasn’t such a reckless fuck up. I don’t want to tell my parents what I’ve done. My mom knows I’m not a virgin, but she doesn’t know the extent of it all. I got tested awhile ago, it’s an absolute miracle I’m 100% clear of any STDs. 

I feel so guilty about even kissing somebody now. 

I have this secret I carry around with me every day. Everybody will be disgusted and hate me. My brother knows a lot of what I did, he called me a massive slut. And it’s true. The worst part about this is that I did all of this to myself. 

I feel like there’s no way out of this except to die. I already ruined my life. If I ever wanted to be successful in the public eye (I used to do acting and stuff) then somehow everybody would find out. Or somebody I lied to in the past about my age to have sex with me would find out (the oldest I’ve ever been with was 22. I was 12. A majority of all the people were older than me.) 

I don’t deserve to live. I am in constant guilt and shame for what I’ve done. This would be so much easier if it was just some chemical imbalance in my head or something I’m not responsible for. I know everybody makes mistakes, but I did this all to myself. Me. And I should pay the consequences. ",1.6949044890162348,3.2630656489971384,3.401154727793699,91.39822683858644,78.0401146131805,6.487144221585481,21.51872015281757,7.3011,0.5315116714422157,2565,69,578,32,60,855,287,698,0.193,0.71,0.097,-0.9975,4,1,2,0,0,4,78.0,0,1,6,4,43,38,6,4,36,1,59,21,7,5,14,118,111,43,4,18,15,8,6,5,1,10,5,1,4,3,27,39,0,3,16,0,1,7,12,26,1,2,34,14,103,12,87,58,25,79,0,4,7,9,35,34,1,10,40,406,130,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262805483242072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010508684679446,0.0,0.05286065590799297,0.0,0.0,0.04320143977329368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310735684435436,0.0,0.0,0.05968695296855087,0.048849360888189634,0.15913049446896435,0.03872627753513391,0.0,0.05405792586090867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705656481198558,0.0,0.0,0.06486952315931081,0.07265948015592873,0.0,0.0,0.06720454475238069,0.10944805435569888,0.06660824053914324,0.06865155094159495,0.0,0.10144439702213648,0.0,0.0,0.08194102867362497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593237196998873,0.0,0.0,0.06502393300593844,0.0,0.19503460044318974,0.0,0.0,0.0736726885933867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979929899173286,0.17239502225725706,0.160576062393603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606091507567049,0.13615394514789525,0.0,0.0,0.17419121559831244,0.05403716115953649,0.0,0.0696555298037343,0.049081826640426415,0.05873091318067011,0.033190928003612896,0.0,0.036104611354198735,0.0,0.10161881054289844,0.0,0.0,0.12580606017480386,0.11235577674911924,0.06762708372744786,0.0,0.12544213810977164,0.06519838981621122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372409019197492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800838629971111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028467958672746,0.0,0.17456753124266952,0.1035681284804815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992403386119972,0.13461580502656098,0.15518365433358866,0.0,0.056096675249890184,0.0,0.05334779334580138,0.0,0.0,0.10801902097681504,0.0,0.060112037575004024,0.042405650531813256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488072138816369,0.05070770326474843,0.0,0.18680251542317616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756309481074238,0.1192340597834742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28216274928998336,0.06879498565342025,0.12128995001060892,0.1761701675713545,0.0,0.06637357876228497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230914246276372,0.04069787200788662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850568561318924,0.06042998532657513,0.0,0.06360293636404163,0.0,0.10124770065957314,0.0,0.06627389843919282,0.0,0.0,0.052551287281473964,0.0,0.06357420482949719,0.0,0.0,0.04890720863120604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277148214327316,0.0,0.07272473360166823,0.06948967695884446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055526556552409616,0.0,0.0,0.14752256454508084,0.0,0.040706385775878214,0.06241625718663474,0.0,0.0740877548820553,0.0,0.0,0.06070403739745645,0.0,0.04313156285995429,0.0,0.062057942920958974,0.0,0.0,0.10973615189008648,0.0,0.0,0.18735326151161125,0.05042582772827494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610887805812825,0.0,0.0,0.0462493775336601,0.0,0.0,0.1805147986825604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itachirko,2018/04/13,"I’m so worn out with everything ..... I had a long distance relationship for a bit ....I got to love her more than anything else in this world . She told me that she loved me the same . Got dumbed yesterday , she honestly told me that she needs someone who is close and not far ..... I’m devastated....
I started antidepressants and seeing a psychiatrist  ....but they ain’t helping at all....she was the main reason for me getting a bit better  . But now it’s over.
I’ve been actively suicidal for about two years and now after all this time it’s getting so so worse ....I don’t know what I will eventually do. Life is a bitch , it’s hurting me so much . I’m too weak to stay , too weak to take life’s shit any longer .",0.8524295774647896,3.142599929577468,2.82899647887324,90.58743838028171,84.91549295774648,6.366901408450705,21.551056338028168,7.6454224807358475,0.8753084507042259,538,18,119,10,16,180,90,142,0.187,0.696,0.117,-0.9028,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,3,0,7,0,9,7,1,1,1,14,26,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,8,1,16,4,14,17,7,16,0,1,1,2,13,7,3,0,8,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144814615147768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853490854343567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488888880220722,0.36758177375735496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063198335163565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129906990595654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590830152074094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692843111107565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283917804032978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021851817229076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251888925258207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378163657399792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489814443053896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038787601423846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375412192571132,0.12482687151185183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308834389038152,0.0,0.1807412474918306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415044507016513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280536669645685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263952870180538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191565906461878,0.17943507741268092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414385770902084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657569294114418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816425683675296,0.0,0.0,0.3217247831357938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445016743594362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155956864728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840969156858192
suicidewatch,PenguinBond,2018/04/13,"Does everyone experience suicidal thoughts on the regular? Not just the people on this subreddit, but literally everyone **TL;DR** *I have thought about killing myself everyday for years. The reasons are pretty dumb though. I don't think much of it and feel like if I did kill myself it wouldn't be too big of a deal. I feel like it would be normal. Does everyone think like this?*





Ever since a young teen I've always wanted to kill myself. I thought nothing of it, and figured it was no big deal. I even told my parents, and they were heartbroken and I couldn't understand why. Back then, I definitely wanted to kill myself because things overwhelmed me too easily. Every time I stepped outside of my comfort zone I thought it was the end of the world, so I made sure to never do it and thus never achieved anything. I dropped out of piano and never tried to do anything after school.

Nowadays, I still think about killing myself on the regular, but for a different reason. I basically live outside of my comfort zone now, and only feel at peace when I'm at work or with my friends. So many things scare me in life, but I face them anyways. I've never told anyone besides my mom and dad I am suicidal, because I don't think I am I think I just have these thoughts because it feels normal to want to kill myself.

I have nothing to look forward to at the moment, but I know that will change and I am too stupid to reassure myself of that. I think, ""It would be great if I killed myself,"" because then I wouldn't have to deal with things that make me uncomfortable. The people I live with, my tiny social circle, and my failing ambition is really what gets to me.

I care way too much of what people think of me. If someone even thinks remotely bad of me I take it incredibly personally, and I'm not sure why. My brother and cousin think I might be autistic, so I feel like the chemistry of my brain is just difficult to live with. I can't afford to see a specialist, however. I remember a few moments in my life that really got to me. One time the people I live with, my friend's parents because I didn't like living at home, had a talk with me about my habits and they are not approved. The talk was nothing more than if your dishes are dirty put them on the counter instead of in the sink, but months later I still can't shake the feeling that I disappointed them that badly. I remember when I made my dad incredibly angry one day because I took a shower before he wanted to and he had no hot water. He thought something was wrong with me for thinking that that was an ok idea. I remember when this girl I used to date broke up with me. I asked her why, and she didn't even know she said she just felt like she needed to. It's been months and I am still trying to figure out what I could have been like to make someone go from having me as one of their favorite people in the world to hating me. I think it was because I started to be myself around her more and that wasn't ok. Even today I called one of my friends because my car is in the shop and I have nothing to do so I was thinking maybe she could distract me, but it was clear she didn't want to talk to me and ended the conversation almost immediately. I couldn't help but think, ""wow I'm that uninteresting.""

These things are just normal every day experiences that everyone has. It kind of makes me mad that I'm forcing whoever is reading this to hear me talk about myself and wasting their time. I do not struggle with depression I feel like. I feel like if there's a situation that warrants enjoyment I will enjoy it and if there is one that does not I will try to make the most of it. Last night my tire got flat and I was pretty mad about that, which is probably understandable, but only for maybe 10 minutes or so. Instead of something terrible like having to spend $200 on a new tire, what gets to me is when someone just displays something that means they don't like me. Everyday I have some kind of suicidal thought, but I think nothing more of it. It's the same kind of thought as ""wow this food I'm eating is good,"" or ""i should probably shave today."" Lately those have been my only thoughts. I haven't eaten in days because I can't stop thinking about how I want to die. I'm a little scared to though. 

I have 2 cats and they are the most precious things in the world. My life revolves around these two and everything I do I wish I could do for them. I will not kill myself if it means anything to my cats. Because of this, I'm not looking for ways or advice on why I shouldn't do it, but instead I'm asking why do I feel like it all the time and do other people feel suicidal for seemingly no reason?

If it matters, I'm 19, work full time, and study computer science.",3.762452405936141,4.97772288352571,4.714114975266078,85.51324711437567,72.00104931794334,7.628295607854893,27.3603507719982,8.052868069273773,1.6185068925198618,3720,131,764,52,70,1211,324,953,0.166,0.6940000000000001,0.14,-0.9935,6,0,3,0,0,8,100.0,0,1,10,5,46,61,13,6,33,2,86,12,2,12,9,173,172,64,13,30,35,7,12,12,3,11,5,2,2,2,59,39,5,1,51,2,2,7,30,28,0,6,39,17,137,33,102,112,12,84,0,5,3,0,52,30,1,18,58,537,196,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03494361868541783,0.0,0.0,0.035807819220538835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029754640184671437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025003765909904968,0.0,0.08828068367654529,0.06366679806245293,0.06686032201232929,0.0,0.0,0.02749672949592485,0.0597151198624827,0.21798565189112584,0.0,0.03042856932991192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03991925604746325,0.03651429002160085,0.0,0.03645903610408762,0.0,0.037828646155322734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565278316064777,0.0,0.0,0.06918545890130236,0.1105989454673015,0.03079947199146295,0.0,0.03711255509018932,0.037360905193424096,0.0,0.0,0.0938797330134046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036590737908756624,0.0,0.0,0.0633443325821467,0.0,0.0,0.09447484213379036,0.03234637538248603,0.06025758196050623,0.13667834872590287,0.03213819407531118,0.06995900341097007,0.0,0.0,0.18080999598072708,0.15327890197391733,0.03433457961795704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324034267717775,0.0,0.08288274518391753,0.0,0.03736556435704407,0.0,0.02032286019533,0.02999324252283387,0.057200030755597216,0.03942480479740866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03530495052831659,0.0,0.0,0.04030338143381428,0.0,0.02396873560037621,0.0,0.03586953930458248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036794857248409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164993420040822,0.11171356702831396,0.03930480233989389,0.0291486394238118,0.040338099436826286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577365004147726,0.20964251999938566,0.03584025863729851,0.15788078665937044,0.0,0.060057688213835024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767271491768381,0.09547856353255994,0.03625436381644217,0.07185013813386125,0.07790482120246223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037935014709699455,0.0,0.041880913411651816,0.05708553703381259,0.0,0.05257446712052328,0.0265151016787836,0.11031924737086156,0.03453659883894897,0.0,0.033557723468187466,0.1051096988649496,0.17156028282892638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115729028630465,0.08158978118574996,0.0,0.0,0.07941304297523498,0.0,0.0,0.1487461664252536,0.031223681300869117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276022044274551,0.07710924544508581,0.0,0.0,0.03594801915455046,0.0,0.0,0.03576902261564826,0.0,0.04581670496046085,0.11029968905124676,0.0,0.0,0.12152510318906265,0.0,0.03401532650080745,0.0,0.07160268648556266,0.03619036687676508,0.028495568688123207,0.03255396523342681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029580500231082482,0.04019500274469868,0.0,0.03645214958805018,0.09089633252363566,0.0825878739259922,0.0,0.0,0.025310648888455783,0.0,0.08567237883433536,0.029896414143238344,0.0,0.03738343223763221,0.0,0.1564596805653201,0.0,0.06740552012147448,0.0,0.026886577607436683,0.1149680299061903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878460143170462,0.34369717169831954,0.07026675104049962,0.255500334644893,0.10425781002616907,0.08220021477627458,0.06779135685126438,0.06833917436295144,0.03972994875063601,0.07283474513072145,0.0,0.034931684643262316,0.07445347984142127,0.0,0.03088459326368532,0.0,0.0,0.12655073126763186,0.056768208199330164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133623709822326,0.0,0.04112148269567986,0.0,0.0,0.05206645901913602,0.0,0.0,0.050804826298001184,0.039097230849047065,0.0,0.023027846168792245
suicidewatch,breakfastdots,2018/04/13,"I'm starting to ""believe"" in it, should I call my psychiatrist? I started Wellbutrin like 2 or 3 weeks ago because I have depression and anxiety and finally wanted to get help with it. The first week of Wellbutrin I felt very energized, I still felt shitty and sad but I was very energetic and easily distracted so I thought maybe I could direct my new powers into not feeling so sad. That feeling wore off after the first week or so. Now I feel very differently. Just like overwhelming despair. I have been crying heavily every day and having suicidal feelings.


The thing is I can't tell if it's the medication or if my life is actually shitty. My dog of 14 years died recently, I spend so much time with him whenever I was depressed or lonely. Now I don't have anything to fill that void.


I have a boyfriend but I don't think it's a good relationship, he doesn't think very highly of me (puts me down a lot, calls me stupid, fat, ugly, bad in bed, etc.) and doesn't like spending time with me (I begged him just to go see a movie with me and he stood me up). The worst thing is that I overheard a conversation he had with a friend, his friend got to sleep with this girl we know before he did, I guess he really wanted to be with her because she is a model and very pretty and slim. I felt so low ever since I heard that. I can't even describe how much that hurt me. I have been carrying that hurt around for a long time. My boyfriend has never called me beautiful or pretty and I'm pretty sure he's only with me because of my money. I guess that's the only thing I can offer someone.


I don't have very many friends, and the ones I do have barely talk to me. If I try to hang out with them, we make plans and then they will cancel at the last possible second. I've even had a friend stand me up twice. That really hurt. I have a hard time making new friends, I can never get people to be interested in me. It's almost impossible for me to make it past the acquaintance stage. It just kind of fizzles out.


I have a great job and make pretty good money, I'm independent and finally getting somewhere in life after being down so long but I feel so crushingly lonely and honestly pathetic. I feel like I'm not a person worth spending time with. I feel like I'm very ugly and gross and men aren't attracted or interested in me. I feel nobody would really care if I died, and maybe that is a good thing and I should do it because it feels like nobody wants me or cares for me.


My psychiatrist told me to call her if I start feeling this way, but the more I think about it, the more it feels like ""the right thing to do"". Imagining my own death actually makes me feel a little good and I don't know why. I think I will call her soon, but I am sad to stop taking the Wellbutrin because the energy boost actually makes me feel like a functional human being. But also a worthless one.


I just needed to write this out, thank you for reading if you did",3.1624391304347803,4.489866203333335,4.620623188405798,85.16686956521744,73.63333333333333,7.884057971014492,24.3768115942029,8.456263369488248,1.4225528985507254,2302,68,485,40,46,769,250,600,0.213,0.625,0.162,-0.989,3,4,0,0,0,0,61.0,2,2,2,4,22,47,1,2,30,0,49,5,2,8,4,112,106,49,4,14,25,0,17,8,5,5,4,1,1,4,28,37,1,1,24,1,6,4,13,19,0,6,17,19,84,28,52,79,8,63,0,14,1,0,42,20,0,17,44,321,112,2,0.0,0.0,0.1528244886237631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462738092536435,0.0,0.052272633592622325,0.0,0.0,0.041745817642838336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039934288684887874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295769221715448,0.04647073292339972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358638208719304,0.15910888121354674,0.0,0.044419947652602564,0.058813632926938676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665197357368088,0.0,0.10644657378721438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167894655232883,0.0,0.057341304445316925,0.03366588845498895,0.0,0.08992279056930236,0.0,0.108354601656542,0.054539844938235535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582188854748036,0.06895768737220165,0.047219581231807486,0.04398232804404155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431328502594688,0.1864651365440299,0.15036594847111542,0.1143691968701013,0.0,0.08880577017245965,0.0,0.0,0.20165518148731354,0.0,0.08181996965192125,0.0,0.02966752646961638,0.17513781188344166,0.04175060523455506,0.05755274743047002,0.11501249312271444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467626232194857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03498981398449024,0.05515414314209685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676495487716643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051802302414454944,0.0,0.0,0.05436021595013736,0.057377566572533664,0.042551492425163435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374345102669318,0.20402558010898006,0.052319988996641566,0.0,0.09239402686047854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438016424845169,0.0,0.0,0.20907092680296632,0.05292450412125345,0.10488759231939936,0.0,0.0,0.05258789344989381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674876370416192,0.03870702614392063,0.08052260262645691,0.10083378524254058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074667801694381,0.0794037509062387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498325929496499,0.03619020475186545,0.04558066052559187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058849766449637075,0.0,0.21243228021775248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247729894057783,0.0,0.0,0.05221599789806655,0.0,0.10032556643853384,0.0,0.05154305025800703,0.056045273803780916,0.0,0.044580112889912114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159813285119829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318192740369255,0.0,0.05223957089748818,0.0,0.04423047617670275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084625962746802,0.0,0.041688481876297805,0.04364310187721265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057100374528802685,0.0,0.04919964594505325,0.0,0.03924931063735393,0.041957886803567664,0.04562673643331405,0.048060469578355636,0.0,0.0,0.17340301873294986,0.13379540531714815,0.0,0.04144245483066093,0.15219665484518588,0.0,0.0,0.04988112511816817,0.0,0.03544164401245678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30150407608819785,0.09237004864341172,0.04143541566490055,0.12561957723852668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471040693939303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037082711648200116,0.0,0.0,0.033616293631143816
suicidewatch,StrikingLeg,2018/04/13,"The impact of those words ""I want to commit suicide""
My family is in shock, some of my friends know.
I feel bad I'm the cause of so much sadness. They love me.
Still feel like a loser, there's no hope, and no future.",-0.8044927536231903,1.302932608695656,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,92.47826086956522,3.936231884057971,14.18840579710145,5.46131890053228,-1.099002898550724,164,3,39,1,6,54,38,46,0.32299999999999995,0.434,0.243,-0.7490000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,8,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,6,4,5,8,2,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662372631870644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32756010768546184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005956324683641,0.0,0.3224533993911773,0.22779577132129825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463527416396795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167028788599511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523875074152462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557803420105628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877862819929429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344009736884161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25464438179259385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34878433844527906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807364268103896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inkblottings,2018/04/13,"Psychiatrist Told Me My Suicidal Breakdown Was A Tantrum So I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today and told her that I had a huge break down last Saturday which lead to a lot of suicidal thoughts and very nearly many attempts. In turn, she told me that my 'breakdown' was really a 'tantrum to get attention' and that I sound 'spoilt' and 'am clearly unappreciative' of my family having to deal with my mental illness. Now all I can think about is clearly I don't deserve any kind of help, I'm just overdramatic, I'm not sick, and I'm a huge problem for everybody around me. Aren't these people supposed to help?",8.041638418079097,7.2107469491525436,8.180000000000003,71.44451977401131,62.5593220338983,11.934463276836158,38.31073446327685,11.20814326018867,4.249707344632768,492,22,92,12,6,161,75,118,0.159,0.7040000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.6982,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,6,0,10,2,0,1,3,19,20,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,8,1,15,1,15,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759496855608296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703065587340213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934384950241391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688105174053292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802903415238017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515291328996831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538797760168733,0.0,0.1529436538021184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951648437323349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190227570753382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908710819767605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007915424662875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953675919627116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020070919849064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104739653615547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022585451690786,0.0,0.14895741848486269,0.0,0.0,0.17785148840541964,0.5378660838806498,0.0,0.0,0.20408777574031306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481456333426552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Omegastory,2018/04/13,"Should I go to the hospital Hey guys, 
I‘m afraid of asking anyone I know personally about this, but since I can stay anonymous, and I really really need another opinion on this, I thought I may post on here.

So basically, I‘m a teenager who‘s had depression for 3-4 years now - I was never diagnosed, but I visit a psychologist sometimes - though I only told my parents about this recently and I’ve only had two visits. I self-harm and often feel like this is not real life - like i‘m a character in a video game or movie.
Today I had a very bad day.
I don’t want to go to in-depth but it felt like I had no control over anything at all and that I was just going to fail
everything and everything. I hated myself and all I could think of was to kill myself after school.
I often fantasised about how people would react to my death and today all I could think about was how to kill
myself, what to write in my note, etc.
I was so close to doing it but managed to convince myself not to. My grandmother lives at my house so she would notice if I did something. She might try to stop me.
But now, my grandmother is going to go on vacation, and so no one will be home.
I’m scared that I’ll do something.
I don‘t like therapy and even if I‘d wait until the next session, I could already have a chance to do something.
What should I do? 

Thank you for reading.

 
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suicidewatch,bangcount,2018/04/13,"See you, world! I wish to I could say it was fun while it lasted. Clearly this universe just doesn't want me here, so i'm on my way out. ",-0.6139784946236553,0.8721899677419387,1.3819354838709683,103.55956989247312,84.80645161290323,4.133333333333334,16.78494623655914,3.1291,-1.264040860215054,103,2,28,0,3,34,28,31,0.037000000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.271,0.8303,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,3,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618110163212919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36938550500566586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603706522684989,0.0,0.0,0.36110948017996897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672852358473104,0.3596969475845635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211111033785288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IntrepidWeird,2018/04/13,"It hurts This pain just doesn't go away. I cut myself to alleviate my tension, but then I just feel sick inside. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If I tell my doctor everything, I'll be hospitalised. I'm so alone and scared. I feel like this self hatred will kill me. I WANT to get better. I disgust myself.",-0.03500000000000013,2.1723126969697013,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,88.6969696969697,5.118181818181818,17.340909090909093,6.6274283507984215,-0.11241818181818176,242,6,54,3,8,82,47,66,0.407,0.467,0.126,-0.9811,0,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,3,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,9,13,5,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,2,12,2,4,11,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,32,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277124765789044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251393490500126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366464323021373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738721390757249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047721478427875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27058573444862044,0.19115408987358304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979576488287285,0.0,0.1520678108038938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864422585648439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29602970249294264,0.0,0.14705103485583398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072257366544215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28471636632404346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26788709061825683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791368268783657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23387045531571898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782139320398414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fact98,2018/04/13,"Half way through  I don’t know how to explain it. I’m very aloof, weird, anti-social..
I’m a complete loner/introvert, mostly I avoid people but I don’t feel lonely. It became a problem because some people think that I’m weird. I’m just not interested in having friends currently, but other people are trying to exaggerate it. If I try being “normal” they would ignore me, but if I’m being myself they’ll be rude and laugh at me like my opinion is a joke and isn’t important.

Another thing is that I have no friends (I’m completely alone, have no one to hang out with or have no phone numbers, just closest people to me)...I feel like I can’t communicate with my peers, I can’t even keep the proper conversation... They don’t get me. Almost no one does. 

I don’t use facebook and don’t post pictures online. Because no one wants to see me anyway. 

It feels like a waste of time and energy to socialize… 

I used to have close friends but they never thought of me that way...they had their other important friends.

I’m afraid that I have some sort of mental issue. I already have social anxiety, depression but I don’t want to get treated for it, because it disappears after a while. Sometimes it gives me a push.

I don’t know who I am anymore. I can become anyone and change.

Help..
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suicidewatch,DucklesMcFuckles,2018/04/13,"I cant do it anymore To other people my life looks easy.. quit my job (and money/insurance), live with my mom (ashamed of it), enrolled in a nice college (havent done work since spring break)... it looks like i have an easy life but i hate myself. I've been depressed since I was a kid but learned to hide it really well. I'll be four years clean in may but every day I think about dropping everything to go buy some heroin and just die. I dont want to die, I'm terrified of killing myself, but I cant live in my head anymore. Every thing I do, every thing I say, is followed by a loud, intrusive voice telling me what a fat, stupid, lazy burden I am. I stopped talking to the one friend I had, I've been sitting on this couch in the garage every waking moment just smoking and drinking myself to sleep for 16 hours a day. I'm clearly depressed, I need help, but I have no means of getting it. I'm in chronic pain every day, it all hurts, and I can't take painkillers for it because of my addiction.

I don't know what I'm doing or why but I just wanted to say it to someone. I can barely get it out without my family getting enraged. They react to every problem I have with anger (whether its mental or physical). 

I just feel like a burden. That everyone would be better off without me.",3.615828092243184,4.266670358490568,4.75694968553459,87.17949161425577,71.83018867924528,7.247379454926626,28.307127882599573,7.1686216300943375,1.4020272536687632,995,36,211,9,18,328,148,265,0.275,0.626,0.099,-0.9961,2,0,1,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,1,3,6,19,5,1,9,0,24,10,4,1,2,38,44,13,3,5,15,1,1,2,1,2,6,4,2,1,17,7,2,1,5,1,1,2,9,13,1,2,5,7,32,6,29,35,2,21,0,3,2,0,9,8,0,4,10,134,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032024397152998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007215124438545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168907442218504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950099070722728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957921031071869,0.0,0.1743225669544822,0.0,0.21005411623143014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035602072410706,0.11860275035675424,0.09913505215898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115796969865489,0.0966985757239744,0.0909498138481475,0.0,0.095400024030871,0.0,0.05116851132890609,0.07229553496746093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818495990612849,0.0,0.15861459645058926,0.0,0.05751288785224915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991160893931963,0.10385786028440126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783057056414814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996591814159767,0.0,0.10833404785599103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042293253878294,0.0,0.11196007222309104,0.0,0.05561551541717996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429576150569749,0.0988800020100696,0.0,0.17871854433662415,0.0,0.16996087429176707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023377619839936,0.0,0.0,0.10198330736096882,0.0,0.0,0.1185213229360099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503668551502835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857406469114853,0.0,0.10768130585644828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701576246801571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683236826787857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763602878569097,0.0,0.0,0.06482972841480457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095267373038175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674232835390572,0.0,0.10127061268669717,0.0,0.08574433795845794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846056656040753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760879476513168,0.08133874054927756,0.08845110084390709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446228326238427,0.06484329043265588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937784913247453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909887319429575,0.0,0.09131502969120653,0.0,0.0,0.19510161350749697,0.0,0.07367300639895663,0.0,0.0,0.07188782113212028,0.0,0.0,0.06516789081139908
suicidewatch,DreadedDragon03,2018/04/13,"Concerned about friend, what should I do? Friend is 15, also is transgender (pre ftm). Family giving him shit lately, other people giving him shit, etc. Recently, many, including me, have helped friend with breakdowns that seem to lately be increasing. Today, he has posted numerous stories on Instagram (private account, only people close to him can follow, and also he posts actual stuff that’s happening to him in his life) that are saying he probably won’t be cosplaying anymore, not to talk to him, a bunch of other negative stuff. Last night, I closely monitored his feed, as he was saying suicidal things. One of which included “Stop loving me or you’ll be hurt”. He seems to be posting stuff like that more often lately. If needed, I’ll say more.",6.043999999999998,7.8788900296296305,6.5446296296296325,72.18583333333336,67.22222222222223,9.844444444444443,29.055555555555557,10.125756701596842,3.3213111111111098,594,21,92,15,10,193,96,135,0.134,0.733,0.133,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,2,0,1,0,15,5,2,0,0,13,23,6,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,12,4,1,1,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,1,1,3,12,5,13,15,5,17,0,1,0,1,24,4,2,5,9,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.11162029210793067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294242244315845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343616789733535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756611969880235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078291311341406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651136531697523,0.0,0.0,0.21945119518215228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114758851887656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766678159944519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244825272555301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323656287477897,0.3870834953605095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079136026011023,0.055881247471372034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323418369323684,0.0,0.0,0.11596535338440113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481277320908226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073397199980509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750817559113132,0.08699263400553188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859609656384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328638895648654,0.0,0.12332309763478044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112938385289082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728833740615374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825807902582694,0.0,0.0,0.2348228742326103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956284393404444,0.0,0.0,0.3928199319512489,0.1251152981130177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193588586660878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599029099722135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842072272275773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaxcup,2018/04/13,"No friends, no therapist. Homeless in two weeks. If you're always kind of on the edge..? Fight with brother/landlord. Can't stop crying.
Been calling around all morning for drop in counseling which doesn't exist. Not willing to get committed and can't afford the bill. Trying to make a plan but am undiagnosed adult autistic and I can't see all the things at once. No one to speak to and afraid to go home without a plan to show. ",1.7782142857142844,4.4062994404761895,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,84.35714285714286,5.2647619047619045,23.87619047619048,6.742157984588678,0.8499561904761905,339,13,67,4,10,106,64,84,0.114,0.8029999999999999,0.083,-0.3672,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,1,5,0,7,0,0,1,3,14,11,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,9,2,0,2,1,2,1,2,15,9,2,9,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,2,43,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365094756941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285773185346883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26218810291506234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282046802080712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837776489979192,0.0,0.13415030700759256,0.0,0.14592676339234484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575585190658852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738361147285217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139415436290906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734487750290437,0.17399215526690415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046102797399352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146689447759129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981266043859301,0.17058477262724567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743281296247672,0.0,0.25082432447203945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059632254131084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475144967934333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,astrofissures,2018/04/13,"Paranoia is a leech Every time i try to reach out people will lie to me and tell me things which are so far from the truth. I cannot trust anybody and i feel like my only call is that of death’s. I will never be loved, i will never be truly happy- thus what is the point. I don’t know who i am anymore",-0.43418067226890505,1.3005831029411787,1.7338655462184889,99.9338235294118,85.61764705882355,3.8857142857142857,14.126050420168069,3.1291,-1.4676831932773111,233,3,58,0,7,78,52,68,0.194,0.7190000000000001,0.087,-0.8101,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,1,3,9,15,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,10,5,5,10,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28244301776768005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908105275031462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995453814975504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400238996264544,0.2034596971567776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031726908795037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651749349514413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913788225569645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704124989033383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393074396721324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660165824994249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744302434567007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692260974316131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248925942646178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920708895706212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606796249959666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335909894904296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HydriXRe,2018/04/13,What’s the quickest way to go? What is the most painless form of suicide?,0.532,2.9896492000000023,1.495000000000001,97.7025,90.33333333333334,3.0,27.5,3.1291,0.3570000000000002,58,3,12,0,2,18,13,15,0.251,0.62,0.129,-0.5215,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876366861554341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7460750050479499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413962378786309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovedcraft,2018/04/13,"No matter how hard I try, everything comes crashing down I try so hard. I'd do anything, for anyone, without even being asked. I don't know what I did to deserve a life like this. I don't believe in god, but I don't know how else to explain the constant target on my back wherever I go. 10 years ago I first contemplated suicide. 8 years ago, 5 years ago, 2 years ago, I tried. I'd give anything to find something worth living for, every chance I get I try so hard. And it always, always, always shoves me back down. I'm just not meant to have anything good in my life. 

I'm going to wait until this semester is over. My birthday coincides pretty much with the end of finals week. If I don't find some sign of hope before then, I know I'll find peace in death. ",2.175277507302823,3.6467766835443065,3.713291139240507,90.08745374878286,76.46835443037975,6.127361246348588,22.913339824732233,6.67199483983844,0.5365534566699122,588,17,127,5,13,195,97,158,0.116,0.731,0.152,0.7778,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,2,0,23,24,9,2,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,8,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,2,3,17,3,19,21,2,27,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,18,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927997461164831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27653392732971344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746007056585505,0.0,0.27348792225247304,0.0,0.10356450463886346,0.0,0.0,0.17036622521256534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426576524535812,0.12481131580965825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542730722782193,0.0,0.1197140082925363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254261695593803,0.0,0.09811834924067092,0.0,0.0,0.0731692574305623,0.0,0.09333707105575656,0.0,0.09956207356535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135426124061913,0.3037532050275758,0.094229555930373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787806649323715,0.10627043337275023,0.12591784697573594,0.092917150587991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977118183798828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002970475486397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264565268660785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564946203275756,0.05412159529378205,0.0,0.0978209196142168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143617141097761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127032589848714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528398702342528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117552552853525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30084985426065064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886117014213613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067881305902615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28535518939692106
suicidewatch,CyanCircles,2018/04/13,"Thank you, I'm going to finally do it. As of recent I've spent a lot of time on this sub reading thriugh, but a certain type of posts gave me hope and happiness. There's people who have killed themselves here who are now just accounts never to be touched again or to be remembered, and to those people I thank them. I am going to buy a gun off the streets and I'm finally going to kill myself, I've tried before but have either chickened out or failed at ODing. I will have the strength when the time comes and I can't thank this sub enough for making me feel not so alone. ",3.8975840336134446,4.543686857142858,4.490241596638658,89.36376575630253,71.18487394957984,7.2945378151260485,25.79936974789916,7.1686216300943375,0.9864697478991592,452,13,98,4,8,144,80,119,0.14400000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.19,0.5258,0,1,0,1,0,1,9.0,0,1,1,2,7,10,2,0,6,0,10,0,0,1,2,20,24,11,2,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,1,3,4,3,3,0,0,2,2,9,7,15,19,3,19,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,4,9,66,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286605561575513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202617180957194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437762171281036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724602864493806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439355552876104,0.0,0.0,0.3656784859683208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284572501829044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767636585184676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577702107436407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693173135887488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189897029557444,0.0,0.0,0.11141219557007137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872951905098665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314255873559491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985145305448725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695288222034954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480123229285712,0.0,0.18907390395270285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609985965967918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465046126517008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331938211845133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zwschlei,2018/04/13,"My friend passed away from mental illness. I decided to create a free community on Slack for anyone suffering and looking for support! If you're interested in getting support, the site is https://18percent.org. It's free and always will be!",6.3259756097561,9.564599097560977,6.251402439024389,68.49954268292684,70.21951219512195,8.978048780487804,34.640243902439025,9.516144504307137,4.208556097560974,197,10,27,5,4,62,37,41,0.107,0.515,0.378,0.9298,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,8,7,5,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657222492909382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329481644166613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30003697691022385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467266656112362,0.0,0.16684560366645046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681710129974192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218266198945172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7247822812385579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mattt_MSI,2018/04/13,"I Should Be Dead Here's my story, I've been suffering with depression for most of my life at this stage, my dad left at a very young age, I've had pretty much no male influence in my life. I've spent pretty much my whole life with my mom and sisters, they haven't always treated me very well and I think that's one of the main causes for my depression.

I've never really been very interested in having relationships with people because it's hard enough just to keep myself stable and happy so having someone else I have to make happy is out of the question. My depression always comes back whenever I'm at a good point in my life which ends up with me getting fired from my job and isolating myself from friends.

It's a vicious cycle that doesn't seem to end no matter what I try to do about it, and last year I decided to give up, I was planning to kill myself on Christmas Day 2017 but my mom found out earlier in December and I was forcefully sectioned from Dec 3rd through to Dec 29th when I was finally discharged. It's now April, I'm not working yet because I don't feel ready, my new meds aren't exactly giving me the desired effect and little things keep chipping away at me and I feel like I'm even more easily depressed now.

I'm just so bored of life in general, I mean I know for a fact I'm going to build myself back up again and then the depression is going to drag me back down again and that's what scares me.

I've been thinking about planning suicide again but this time I'm definitely not going to let anyone close to me find out about it because I can't stand to be sectioned again.

I'm not really looking for answers, I just needed a safe space to get something off my chest. ",6.012980943738652,5.410461462643681,6.608330308529947,80.30654264972779,66.55747126436782,9.74010889292196,30.959467634603747,9.134995656068208,2.4015091954022982,1351,44,276,21,19,444,177,348,0.14800000000000002,0.752,0.1,-0.96,1,0,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,1,4,22,19,2,1,9,0,22,6,1,4,3,55,51,16,3,3,8,4,4,1,1,1,5,0,0,1,14,19,0,3,13,0,1,4,11,10,1,1,9,5,39,9,51,38,9,56,0,6,1,0,11,26,0,3,25,183,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195557258760506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384653859204456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578937357618159,0.21063679054295484,0.0,0.16698639780256588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380120349813337,0.0,0.078656050906591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888782364047099,0.0,0.39322870086912615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627834214097158,0.0,0.16174828981226475,0.09434832367471033,0.0,0.06030983168702295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233882950118204,0.06523235583449437,0.0,0.10002636799847743,0.08345629167637746,0.0,0.0,0.1001174288646971,0.07054639166578912,0.0,0.09541210533372037,0.17518701638047496,0.1556818619767819,0.07658705185190012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944037971855809,0.08179641873395413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061174348127772,0.16232222534894644,0.10102171972030526,0.0,0.05018195236047657,0.07443037735130775,0.0,0.0,0.0992093024335378,0.09337133932197733,0.3224771079861468,0.04460977762277783,0.09151727241729864,0.0,0.0,0.07667795967435873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060950576537749775,0.0,0.0,0.09946408055754033,0.10142556198821928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388388965422586,0.0,0.0,0.13424768717087324,0.06770569956167362,0.07042441236740679,0.08818840724050345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187446833285039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330331658377998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631809067354748,0.0,0.0,0.18579154193021624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228883989686396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699189761889354,0.0,0.0,0.09803347991399516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141790285645653,0.0,0.0,0.0831257981333405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736722837747492,0.07029540935087636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987904491374516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060662747097993325,0.11701637167181282,0.0,0.0,0.05324398184931778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061993946333076075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260225792046766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820992519344917,0.0,0.0,0.1019450942579673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647525011021446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880107318254156
suicidewatch,dokoro,2018/04/13,"It's all my fault Last year around this time I never would've thought that I'd be in this situation.

Back in September I was a college student, struggling with a class that was causing me stress. I wanted to drop it but I couldn't because my dad (who pays the tuition) said that if I dropped under 12 credits, he'd ""jam me up"". That, combined with an upcoming exam in the class, pushed me to suicide.

I took 200 pills, where I regretfully texted my mom 'I'm sorry', and the university police were in my dorm room. 

I had to do inpatient.

I thought I was ready to return to class after missing 2 weeks of classes, but I wasn't. I was overwhelmed and ended up dropping all of my classes one by one. 

Since I left in the middle of the semester, I had to pay the balance I owed to the school. 1K. My dad made it clear that he would not help. Neither would my mom. They said that if I paid for my own education, I'd be less likely to kill myself. Just yesterday, my dad said he's not going to help me return to school because he is still affected by my suicide attempt six months ago.

But that's the thing. I need to go back to school. I'm a shut-in living in an area where you need a car to do anything. I can't drive and my parents refuse to teach me because they don't want me to kill myself. Yet my dad says things to me like ""you're in this situation because you don't do what I tell you."" and yells at me when I try to tell him how I feel.

I don't have anyone my own age to talk to. The only time I leave the house is to see my therapist and psychiatrist. So I've decided to get a job.

However, when I did get a job at the end of December as a pharmacy technician, I had a break down on the first day on the job and quit. Ever since then, I haven't been able to find a job. I've gotten a few interviews, probably because I went to school from 2013-2017, and it looks like I graduated. (I didn't. I dropped out in 2015 and returned in 2016. I even say no degree but they ignore it) As soon as I clarify that I don't have a degree, the tone of the interview changes.

Since then, I have not been able to find a job. I've been searching for 6 months. At first I was only looking in clerical and administrative, but for the last two months I opened up to anything that doesn't explicitly say degree required, including minimum wage jobs. Yet I still don't get anything.

My aunt and cousin believe this is because God is punishing me for not going along with his plan of me being a pharmacy technician. I'm not religious in the slightest, but I believe(d) there is a God. However, I believe that they are right. Especially because my prayers are going unanswered, and things are getting worse. My belief in a god now is wavering.

I've opened myself to jobs in cities where my family lives, using their addresses. However, still... nothing. I need to get out of this state. There's nothing here, but I can't. I can't leave. You can't leave when you're balls deep in debt and have no money. 

Yes... Not only do I owe 1K to the school (which I am to start paying on April 30th, I arranged the payment plan for two months ago because I thought I'd have a job by then) but my student loans start being repaid next month. I am going to defer them but at the same time... The stress of it over my head is...

It doesn't help that my sister, who is 18 months younger than me, is doing so well. She's a compsci major and will be graduating next fall. She has a car and an apartment and will probably get a nice job. People say that I can't compare myself to her, but it's hard not to when you have nothing going on.

As for my therapist and psychiatrist... I had to see them when I left inpatient thanks to the social worker. The psychiatrist is more helpful because the meds did help, but the therapist... I've been through 3. The first was a horrible one that pushed for a family session and then completely ignored everything I said for my dad. The second one was great and we were actually making progress but she left the practice. The current one... she is giving me job seeking tips like I haven't done them already. A lot of people do that, and it makes me feel worse.

I think I'm at the point where therapists can't help me, because my issues are external. The only way I can feel better is if I get a job. But therapists can't do that. Unfortunately, I have to see a therapist to keep my psychiatrist.

I've planned to do it on April 30th. At this point, nothing can change my mind. It's like... if you don't have a college degree, you aren't meant to live. It's like some kind of natural selection... where the ""uneducated"" die off... I'm just stuck. I've always felt stuck no matter what I do. I'm 23, but my life feels like it's over before it began.

Before, I used to tell myself that if I killed myself, I would go to hell. However... Now I don't care. God clearly hates me anyway. As I was typing this up I got another rejection email. Nice. That's clearly all I deserve.

People keep telling me that a job is coming and that it all works out in the end and that when you're at the end of your rope it always turns around. If that's true, why isn't it changing for me? What am I doing wrong? Why is everything getting worse when it should be getting better? I don't want to know the answer to that question. But what I do know is that life is bullshit, and I'm giving up. It's all my fault.

Thank you for reading. (I'm posting this from the app so I'm hoping the formatting isn't weird)",2.314360727991186,3.812685932862191,3.9696409438048548,88.28196645009312,76.15547703180214,7.130301303241005,24.80455184467495,7.868173544957509,1.2118882062388383,4244,143,928,64,93,1421,392,1132,0.14800000000000002,0.769,0.083,-0.9973,22,0,0,0,0,4,170.0,1,9,8,14,39,39,6,4,66,1,104,4,1,8,12,127,185,63,6,19,30,11,6,7,0,6,3,9,3,0,60,35,0,6,18,2,12,16,37,19,1,12,41,20,144,20,122,130,15,144,2,4,5,0,69,60,1,10,67,614,204,44,0.07557493587142591,0.0,0.03687511779747433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699262071931983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041699410511974434,0.0,0.06288440082691132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03962345488061921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026421876183042276,0.0,0.09328759923048192,0.06727771574243155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581124607227371,0.0,0.23034889723013616,0.0,0.06430870406953877,0.08514707276858713,0.0,0.06683988924625603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852684196318058,0.03881813860707629,0.1199223919096258,0.03255055769554235,0.039619441193932035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02436979073930919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039217425845475135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866969922687977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338739227053731,0.0,0.0,0.02495826618944059,0.034180928121219194,0.0,0.0,0.06792187926124142,0.0,0.07124532354253227,0.0,0.0764259166986786,0.026995374643566442,0.0362818950845759,0.0,0.0690741222310794,0.0964260027671415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768153138567785,0.07249836495064532,0.15032842188284185,0.0,0.030222090059079887,0.04166081680060416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033850149055286584,0.03730730142286631,0.03878084378680488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196885939001928,0.0,0.0,0.03753148188805322,0.0,0.04360166455525183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944029903250168,0.449978774690891,0.06717447546107301,0.12541870377514053,0.03934983296281287,0.04153400829961512,0.061603659587535074,0.0,0.1200344173928208,0.12316858343037332,0.0,0.05338081222236968,0.12922733680260404,0.0,0.10010107945721973,0.0,0.06346391209802113,0.0,0.0,0.03212555394630217,0.0,0.03575541582352295,0.050446856543171464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197335830171575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815457061883345,0.08851245149091899,0.1809695783568792,0.0,0.0,0.08405678601319053,0.029144024795527232,0.0,0.0803748016782157,0.0,0.0,0.14503237847185024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802883110297916,0.11495628853451595,0.0,0.0,0.04195851129727378,0.0,0.0,0.07859121714208184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144274237655435,0.0,0.03618994886150263,0.0,0.0814825631890431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233061215629836,0.04019162350099805,0.03779769376119108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03227029114988183,0.14377814099980218,0.12020044472154405,0.0,0.19121467463786448,0.09033515875439133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937745518840228,0.08494939438516838,0.0,0.03851956487241237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229997664846464,0.05349232859185545,0.0,0.0905313621165678,0.0,0.08657083369966377,0.03950366602530808,0.0,0.08266671353489216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030372135362880682,0.13211165010352827,0.0695792471375517,0.0,0.2632449764531967,0.07531294388507864,0.024212683662123688,0.0,0.08999708591948508,0.06610252929624517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198326725783642,0.025655210293809128,0.041101914169482535,0.07382573087870219,0.0,0.0,0.06527247952305089,0.0,0.0,0.0668640828840557,0.029993933185514438,0.03031082747309987,0.0,0.0339754717666687,0.03502936135284724,0.06819462469465115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027509726703770058,0.0,0.11552597430057752,0.10737253218444157,0.041314664211606685,0.0,0.02433389043979758
suicidewatch,XmiteYT,2018/04/13,"help The only thing keeping me here are my cats. I love them so much and I don’t know what I would do without them. School is too stressful for me and I don’t want be here anymore. 

My great grandma recently passed at 102 and all I keep doing is thinking about being with her. 



somebody help please",0.9950117096018758,3.359428360655741,1.9298829039812655,96.74737704918032,85.0655737704918,4.141451990632318,21.82903981264637,5.288315135182226,-0.08010257611241256,234,8,50,1,7,73,46,61,0.049,0.695,0.256,0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,12,16,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,12,2,5,13,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24383923419027784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710750570197493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296060134197715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370851597325869,0.0,0.0,0.13512497512907176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190933245205874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074441643672406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869969485861158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698939296930255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427692145286512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24883587414311195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816458663508881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633466178038449,0.15754502931915984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502184124328696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370121042220764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746606134942022,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jfjghjjkffk,2018/04/13,"I feel extremely depressed by the school Hello, i am a student of HighSchool, 1 for be more precise, i know that i am not the only that is depressed for the school, and that i am not in a big grade, but i just cant be well in the school, i feel very sad and angry after classes, and i start thinking ways to kill myself and im so extressed too. I need an advize to continue at the schools with any sucidal feeling, i just want to pass high school, 
with a council I'm satisfied. thanks.",4.520924092409238,4.3308820990099015,5.578960396039605,85.04619636963696,69.5940594059406,8.317491749174918,31.684818481848183,7.793537801064563,2.0096323432343235,376,15,81,4,6,125,64,101,0.212,0.688,0.1,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,9,0,7,0,0,0,1,19,17,6,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,3,11,2,13,15,1,10,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,56,14,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685610139244844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706775370218027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383541074724472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602006596698246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697310379082525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384482757210926,0.0,0.08635640810206242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651242622414365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950703258607832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7951369566362575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121983038296593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466732461505175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068473894882277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965151262530125,0.09268135142415568,0.12472518019785153,0.0,0.0,0.14128179896230872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomusername_1234,2018/04/13,"i need someone to talk to, i hate my life i feel like my life is falling apart.

i'm only a teen and i don't want to be alive anymore just to suffer. i have a lot of family problems and for the past month, i have been feeling so down that i dont know what to do anymore. i want to die, but at the same time i just dont think that i have the strength to kill myself.

i really just need someone that can hear me rant about my problems...",1.6193961708394724,2.188882309278352,3.4390279823269516,95.08752577319588,76.42268041237114,6.36759941089838,23.135493372606767,6.18269132825596,0.2125328424153161,332,9,84,2,7,112,58,97,0.225,0.682,0.093,-0.8995,0,0,0,0,0,6,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,0,18,22,4,2,6,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,3,16,2,12,20,2,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416006729678485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178741746688448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40369145134892015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235784601917105,0.0,0.1741636727613494,0.12303715280325647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003594898936827,0.0,0.0,0.19410942678088675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905407923210763,0.0,0.09465003159178864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432943879047401,0.08414014725788341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641903444457047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374678808192467,0.0,0.0,0.2554044353006795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309844244140474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440768679245266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295910016085633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103313670029001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918503671397445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842745688637892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035444770993744,0.0,0.0,0.10042543837094126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031648382109236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhyNotGiveUp-,2018/04/13,"I hate working and will never be rich, why shouldn't I kill myself? I'll never make enough money to justify being miserable working. Being poor isn't appealing. Why shouldn't I kill myself? Being realistic  I'm not going to suddenly have $100 million in my bank account. I'm pretty sure all I want in life is to be rich, but it will never happen, so what's the point?",2.201942857142857,4.2515384133333365,4.6365714285714335,80.90400000000002,78.2,6.9523809523809526,22.714285714285715,7.957251820313856,1.4084285714285711,291,9,54,5,7,102,50,75,0.149,0.72,0.131,-0.3239,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,1,1,0,12,1,0,1,5,12,19,3,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,4,0,1,0,0,7,3,5,10,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,37,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600014193865555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880551759173345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485846697180988,0.0,0.0,0.20638939995419706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625563009196731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765519594630727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395396618681605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836869106361358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976158039822984,0.0,0.0,0.2126746817796686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970231460926935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330059995949982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37726255006490816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043755924846969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Phoenixturningtodust,2018/04/13,"I’ve given up on this life Hi, this is my first time posting on this site (I made this account specifically for this post). I don’t know why I’m posting this, maybe just to tell my story. 
I’m a 24 male and suffered with depression since I was about 10. Throughout my shitty life I’ve been bullied, over weight, and abandoned (I know sounds like a generic teenage loser film lol). I was suffering through my depression alone until I was 22 and I never told a soul about my plans of suicide until that year. I told my father first and I expected some kind of shock or worrying reaction. What I got was him telling me “ get a job” and ignoring me for the next 3 months until I left to go live with my mother. A little background on my father; when my mother got pregnant with me, he came out of the closet as gay and left her. Since then he has only used me and my fragile state for his own benefit while mocking and berating me in private. I don’t want you all to get the wrong idea, I don’t hold any resentment towards him for leaving but what he told me was the last straw of a long line of issues. I no longer talk to him and I don’t regret it. 
I later told my mother who sent me to see a psychiatrist the next day. I was diagnosed with depression (shocking I know) and was prescribed medication and therapy. I also went to a support group where the teach how to act in normal society. 
Throughout this entire process, I’ve lost most of my family, my friends who I made in college stopped talking to me, including my “best friend”. People who I thought would support me are now gone and I have no one. I haven’t been accepted to any job that I’ve applied to, part time included, and I’m running out of places to apply. My degree is useless and I’m broke. My mother is still supporting me and keeps telling me how much I have to give. Her saying that is just making me worse. I’ve been told that all my life. School came easy to me( I don’t mean to sound entitled or anything) and I was treated as an outcast because I wasn’t allowed to move up to more advanced classes so I was treated like shit by almost all my classmates in high school. 
I internalized this into college so I never went to class and never took any internships or had any serious clubs. ( IF YOU READ ANYTHING IN HEAR READ THIS.  DONT YOU WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN ME MAKE THIS MISTAKE LIKE I DID) If you want to be successful you need these and I just thought they were useless things and another reason to be made fun of. After 6 years ( there was an issue where my abroad credit didn’t transfer) I managed to graduate with a 3.0. ( I also retook a couple classes I failed so the grade replaced the failing grade). 
I’ve lived my life thinking things would get better but I’m just toxic. I’ve somehow pushed away anyone who I thought cared about me ( including a girl I thought I loved). The only people I have left are my mother, little brother and sister (who resents me for “abandoning” my father). The world is just full of people who don’t care, are sadistic and there’s no hope for someone like me. Yesterday I had an argument with my stepfather and he told me how useless I was and how much of a waste of money and space I was. I told him I was going to kill myself to relieve everyone and he told me just not to do it in the house. I left to go I don’t know where and ended up driving 100 miles away. The entire time I was considering how to kill myself without pain. My mother called me, concerned for me, and I decided not to do it that day. When I later told her what happened, she was upset but was defending my stepfather. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t think I want to die but I don’t want to exist in this world. My dreams are gone and have dwindled down to winning the lottery and moving to the woods to be left alone. There’s no hope for that though so I don’t know what else to do. Anyway thanks for reading if you made it this far. ",2.9068655778894485,4.4385400226130685,4.099569723618092,87.82324905778894,74.6532663316583,6.934798994974876,26.38222361809045,7.588611131419004,1.3526278894472368,3062,111,635,39,64,1001,327,796,0.155,0.72,0.125,-0.9676,3,2,0,0,0,4,78.0,0,6,1,12,35,57,6,1,29,1,61,11,1,14,6,119,132,60,4,16,20,11,2,4,2,2,7,4,1,2,36,40,1,6,17,6,3,18,25,30,0,3,54,7,119,27,92,73,12,94,1,16,1,2,65,40,1,12,36,433,155,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051990230714188485,0.10754661432815103,0.0,0.08304057176525838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412291156565064,0.05444249048128479,0.0,0.0,0.05149054065894081,0.03630356683754389,0.0,0.0854512266102535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756081774375157,0.0,0.0,0.03164985911150349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054486680156610526,0.04591888876201089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530159725979328,0.1187649552923794,0.10587149622232253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057448327317968235,0.0,0.0669680170168447,0.0,0.1341554741032271,0.0526975556018749,0.05388460798599111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084967839423669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043372373087690735,0.0,0.04598557713189515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049611642363144366,0.0,0.0,0.04894541453397554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832599704081134,0.0,0.0,0.08022629578561498,0.0,0.0813779373043042,0.04980625182263937,0.08852174301539367,0.0,0.08305009521876784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045912552545839036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851744520939897,0.0,0.0,0.0548561729096753,0.0,0.10313625359500292,0.0,0.059908536867100515,0.0,0.05861119178512099,0.0,0.1083816699540887,0.1030448809999805,0.04614874891517302,0.1148832445668934,0.05406653490899749,0.1712027528882203,0.042321608007321175,0.0,0.05497562530429104,0.2820553487492288,0.0,0.14669010413431144,0.10146166600413184,0.10407466056131953,0.09169235884714368,0.045947434086879235,0.0,0.0,0.056676650302154775,0.0,0.046859692383649725,0.1965112725774615,0.0693138070730351,0.0,0.05216046857557759,0.05655593828708266,0.0,0.052303787380229116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144192952036757,0.11036516928325693,0.07633412854429593,0.0384979114533572,0.12013136895537845,0.0,0.11043470057028576,0.0,0.050870430101973806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03518223456109204,0.07897477217926041,0.05524638181430812,0.0,0.0,0.05622413880428556,0.0,0.10798406156307164,0.0,0.05424519345157183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917459512402942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580170298183785,0.0,0.0,0.05338225380476247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04128874922262075,0.0,0.10509132164490567,0.04137339895800661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053294980681411,0.08589727412234974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399152104993135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146325987254047,0.043407320039818384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679188978222852,0.1767540940419816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346241867963454,0.13614071403348618,0.04780082291403059,0.05937487418673615,0.0,0.06898648360227412,0.06653628785138023,0.051010989745454906,0.1648742479516084,0.09082464749331916,0.0,0.0,0.44650478126829934,0.05768486455672426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484208098246505,0.0,0.0,0.1224946926653308,0.0,0.0,0.06322439091814888,0.0,0.0962604436066312,0.04684958968115244,0.0,0.0,0.050048883353959135,0.0,0.0,0.052727128681049534,0.0529107635460691,0.07376474463187385,0.05676620627491138,0.0,0.06686936324117951
suicidewatch,throwaway432984,2018/04/13,"I miss having friends. I don't expect anyone to read this, I guess this is just for me to vent. Throwaway for obvious reasons. Mods, feel free to remove this if it doesn't fit here. Idk.

I used to have lots of friends before I became depressed and isolated myself. I miss them. I miss making them laugh, the nicknames we gave each other, having people run over to hug me whenever I walked into the room, just feeling loved. I don't even remember the last time someone hugged me. I miss my best friend most of all. I guess my fucked up life just became too much for her; now she has a new best friend, whom I've never met before, and has completely forgotten about me. I tried to reach out to her recently on her birthday, and she never replied. I don't think she even thinks about me anymore. I guess it's my fault though for isolating myself and making her feel abandoned. Sometimes, I feel hurt and angry, but I mostly just miss her, and the others, too. I just miss feeling loved. I miss having someone who wanted to talk to me, someone who would text me as soon as they woke up, and right before they fell asleep. Who just wanted to know how my day was going, or what I was doing, no matter how mundane it was. 

I attempted suicide multiple times last year, my most ""serious"" attempt being in early 2017. I haven't told a single person about any of these attempts, because I don't want to hurt or disappoint them. But it physically hurts keeping it all inside. 

I just feel so alone. It's Friday night here, and I'm lying in bed crying. Fuck.",3.5729057017543866,5.170004338815794,4.332894736842107,86.55859649122809,73.04605263157895,6.777192982456138,24.179824561403517,7.333567415737692,1.0250377192982458,1205,35,236,13,24,386,165,304,0.207,0.684,0.109,-0.9865,0,2,0,0,0,1,46.0,1,0,5,5,22,29,2,0,6,0,19,8,1,6,5,60,55,19,1,6,12,0,6,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,17,12,0,2,11,1,1,5,9,17,0,0,7,6,51,13,31,46,11,30,0,13,0,6,29,11,2,10,14,170,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170771836717962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678076855404036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739005622127796,0.06866516393292907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986306453221572,0.0,0.2506881613927461,0.0,0.20611400757710532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296299194144302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078703521195766,0.06333220489466272,0.0,0.08458129071283962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297230694374023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979234742349912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034826730112893,0.18157244483830076,0.0,0.0,0.05581049398424948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324541922737271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153820101168717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728650338244075,0.0,0.0,0.053969284181929165,0.1600955721365961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936301942998273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348788000054136,0.17726238712403194,0.0,0.13110127571716515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218981365697086,0.0,0.15147896586803303,0.09484416185574712,0.0,0.09215598128145136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808094387852959,0.08574625129826527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822863525734672,0.0,0.0,0.10096807360599366,0.09696268744549524,0.0,0.1112437910687887,0.08386402300197475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496188612598156,0.0,0.0971243487410939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741711522198708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893109630964837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584783013879408,0.09648302572931422,0.0,0.11452482226126047,0.0,0.0,0.09383627705485342,0.0,0.06667275284897413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481505014461438,0.0,0.0,0.17376635862843548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975992614285148,0.0,0.0,0.06323890720701449
suicidewatch,joogajooga,2018/04/13,I’m getting admitted and I’m terrified. Glad to get help. But I have severe anxiety and panic attacks. So. I’m anxious as all hell. I hope they don’t keep me too long. I don’t want to get stuck in there. I don’t know what to think. I’m just so anxious. Especially because I’ll have to talk in group. ,-1.8736363636363607,-0.06345018181817963,1.4106060606060602,95.6359090909091,103.84848484848484,4.8242424242424224,19.63636363636364,6.574015621080383,0.3445636363636364,232,9,55,4,11,82,42,66,0.333,0.52,0.147,-0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,19,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,7,18,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845585135180235,0.5450962974644603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744610511003592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706609067710966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781354938910634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170735149950002,0.0,0.0,0.2396194809250692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144374819705665,0.0,0.0,0.13258679125935682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350204068824688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830593791213301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27254814873223016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391068362147496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458570775932462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229775490877725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trappedlimbo,2018/04/13,"i wish my brother didnt exist so i could kill myself guilt free I know its a horrible thought. I love my little brother with all my heart.He's only 9 and our parents are abusive. I live in a different country now to which my mother has moved too and she is aiming to move my brother over this summer, with which I am supposed to help. Over the last few months, I have discovered more ways in which my abuse has affected me/my ingrained behaviours which has just left me feeling weak and horrible. I find it all overwhelming and I dont feel that I can change it all in time for me to be a successful adult, I just want to die. But I feel responsible for my brother. I know if i attempt anything, even if I don't succeed it will affect my brothers chances. Im not even talking about the emotional damage, but financially, my parents arent very well off so its all about money. I just hate feeling responsible to stay alive just so that he has a chance of having a slightly better life. Im barely functional and im supposed to be a model to him and be a good sister. I dont know how to do any of that, I just want to die.",2.1949137931034493,3.900763146551725,3.9383103448275847,87.48772413793104,77.01724137931033,6.881379310344827,26.255172413793105,7.7348632917899725,1.44202,878,34,185,13,20,295,125,232,0.155,0.69,0.155,-0.5979,4,0,0,0,1,3,20.0,1,0,0,4,16,13,2,2,9,0,21,3,0,3,4,38,34,14,3,6,10,9,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,9,0,2,2,6,6,1,0,2,4,33,8,24,27,6,17,0,2,0,1,17,8,0,2,5,131,46,2,0.0,0.2846704431314121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169298741228734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988573205657448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624583136935782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270823393228352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591457938051784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24935337626113985,0.12551100062382053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815845436966367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513085504243785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586903731132908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429667418478323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097972726362761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075992167492744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860418383448122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235544388791807,0.08052106803398615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892852732589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329068076176625,0.0,0.1980620535876305,0.09792254448774684,0.0,0.0,0.1305223441941309,0.0,0.08485185774084639,0.0,0.12040250901029073,0.106077598550162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842263628844843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588716918351152,0.255359819909676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136480164926038,0.0,0.0,0.2667818254081953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804332969233514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655649668128928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537034767873354,0.07004917033721042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991203988435167,0.14171238472270156,0.0953541486459137,0.0,0.0,0.10801191578030804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814436276502004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MathTactics,2018/04/13,"If you want to die then Before leaving everything behind please deposit some crypto here
BTC-- 1Hsx1SWqixp46uE97eFY5VEJc1862whD6o
ETH---0x8c1803E3aC50Bb86c79a9e3Ab6B92755cCd1ab27
LTC---LSot5CqbSs8kgbM4heC1injur8FF8YLagf
GRLC-Gah5uaHQws5eKuPJo7WEQwHDKLk8A6nyee

All dat cash will be going to a poor kid in Africa",20.91558823529412,28.275957911764703,7.507352941176473,56.37808823529414,43.411764705882355,9.282352941176473,29.088235294117645,9.516144504307137,3.8500235294117653,275,7,23,5,4,57,33,34,0.18600000000000005,0.718,0.096,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593920012336537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383365941443023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379584388589954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400334145585857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472117225590877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636176745209481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491152315594161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Matt0013,2018/04/13,"Why do I care about the hurt people will feel if I kill myself? I'm been suicidal since I was 13 (I'm 20 now), but recently it's been just outright awful. I've had 2 suicide attempts (the first one, I took around 15 pills of Tylenol only to wake up the next day perfectly fine; the second one I attempted to tie a noose and hang it on some tree but I failed miserably). These attempts were when I was 15 and 16. The problem now is I think too much, I really want to kill myself but the pain it would cause to my family holds me back.

My family is really supportive, and I fucking hate it. I wish I was born in a crappy household or was kicked out of the house when I was 18 so I wouldn't have a problem killing myself. If my suicide attempts were successful people would have been over it by now, so fuck you Tylenol.

I find no meaning in living, I don't want to live and I don't want to try to be happy. I have virtually everything I want (loving family, enrolled in a university, upper-middle class, etc.) but none of this helps. My parents try to keep telling me to be thankful for what I have, but honestly I wish I was that kid that didn't have a loving family. I'm not here in really looking for help with my problem, I'm currently on anti-depressant medication called ""Bupropion"" but that isn't doing shit, nor is therapy.

I become very anxious when I think about my future too. I've been a programmer since I was 13 and am pretty good at math, but when I think about what a programming job would be like it makes me feel even worse. How the fuck can someone program for hours on end non-stop? I have no other real talents, and I have no motivation to do anything. I don't have confidence and I'm also lonely. I cry pretty much every night angry that I can't leave this world. I want to be able to erase all memories of me so I can kill myself in peace. I'm a waste, why can't I trade places with someone who's terminally ill and wants to live?

Why the fuck do I care about how my family and close friends would feel if I killed myself? Like I'm going to be dead. Once I'm dead I won't be able to feel shit. I don't want to be alive and I don't see why suicide is so ""looked-down upon."" I understand it's fucking permanent, THAT'S THE POINT. I know what being dead entails, why must I ""try to get better"" instead of ""convince my family suicide is my only option""? There's no inherent value in life. People kill other people, we kill animals, animals kill us, environmental disasters wipe us out, etc. So what's so bad about a single life? Why is it fucking impossible for people to accept the fact that suicide is my only choice? And how the fuck is suicide selfish, it's MY OWN LIFE. I wish I wasn't here and the fucking OD on Tylenol killed me. Next time I make an attempt to kill myself I'll be sure to jump off an extremely high building and keep my neck up as I'm falling.

I've tried talking to my therapist, saying that the solution would be having the ability to convince my family that I don't want to be imprisoned anymore. It's selfish that they want me to stay alive ""for them.""

I need to die, but it's very difficult for me to actually kill myself when I'm imagining my mother crying profusely. If God was real, my prayers would have been answered by now. Half a decade of praying to God to let me not wake up the next morning should have been enough. And I really hope God is not real, because if Heaven and Hell are real and I'm forced to be alive ""eternally,"" then what the actual fuck.",4.27929423100084,4.611962146814406,5.763437311815008,81.6972648440323,70.19113573407202,9.159147296158016,28.299530290256534,9.20300075937882,2.182498639046127,2738,91,573,52,46,932,294,722,0.29100000000000004,0.528,0.18,-0.9993,4,2,0,0,0,14,90.0,3,1,2,11,34,59,24,1,29,1,80,26,5,7,5,101,140,48,23,31,18,2,4,2,1,11,10,1,0,1,31,23,0,3,15,0,1,5,22,36,0,5,20,7,85,23,71,96,10,57,3,4,2,11,19,26,12,9,27,378,116,9,0.08089222611484252,0.0,0.0789391438441843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032344741999241616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045692595226516565,0.04011167595817719,0.0,0.0,0.03328370481408112,0.03600561569503447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031100564351592763,0.033770814967675714,0.02465557511255514,0.04466955418220482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03577130018077486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04130000357816453,0.0,0.0824750157083423,0.04154929950457487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885631198084447,0.026084396898587804,0.0,0.034836177910086905,0.0,0.041976679735876425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035823251126497015,0.041791646715845385,0.0902162150123303,0.026714276218049608,0.0,0.03407759467742957,0.0,0.03635035843558506,0.0,0.26690297045059386,0.0,0.08180308012621254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03696701459136363,0.034403443104736094,0.0,0.0,0.03124856661724224,0.336526018034427,0.021131424720748283,0.0,0.02298645813157368,0.03392428067972845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043055639442041216,0.0,0.03993216305955361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422035402983403,0.04273353909086525,0.0,0.0401721163809998,0.03983127411251472,0.04666938406917631,0.04329840055437683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013652627186428,0.07190072734415058,0.49222394658621604,0.0,0.022228125979121795,0.0,0.0,0.042826593770111915,0.0,0.04135889090921233,0.08570485735837394,0.039519855655544174,0.0,0.10714397651053484,0.0,0.0339645483543614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300839231201367,0.0,0.053996189070087464,0.0,0.0,0.04405767430387653,0.0,0.04074520375844709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946509377323805,0.0299902803412402,0.0,0.0,0.1290447002631478,0.0379559372095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043073790387822435,0.054814665922683886,0.09228327465547699,0.043037515956097665,0.0,0.044910622075493234,0.0,0.0,0.14020121076723366,0.0,0.042257579628662674,0.0,0.03823465017833854,0.0,0.0,0.08229647523902986,0.0,0.11610440348720913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841461257615249,0.10364326282599773,0.0,0.0399356571887672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03216437249136998,0.0,0.0,0.032230315530854335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303470765436106,0.06691488535939732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685397206819104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043110174992629716,0.0,0.03381476157306098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30969038110521313,0.04589776978943706,0.03811998289653296,0.0,0.0,0.032509053604022516,0.03535168554678237,0.03723734679660766,0.04625365519486645,0.04696105464355764,0.0,0.07774870831418841,0.0,0.0,0.02358445378280755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493711981229488,0.10984102325359936,0.0,0.0,0.04210583010156374,0.0973033880190545,0.0,0.0,0.06674455826399914,0.21470548863529804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189779562632316,0.0,0.13953310181846598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041218044613620414,0.17239054956190153,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Allalone467,2018/04/13,"Can't take it anymore I don't know what I want anymore. Ever since I got acne life has hit a new low. My grades have fallen and became more nervous. I'm trying to treat it, it keeps getting worse though. I can't afford a dermatologist and don't recommend me to the acne commmunity already been there. People have said straight up I'm ugly and disgusting and I think so too. It's not just people I know it's random strangers. I thought really hard but even if I get my skin back to its original state. How can I trust anyone ever again? I'v never met a genuinely nice person irl, they do mean stuff and then act innocent. Are some people not meant for this world? I keep getting crushed. It's hurts so bad I have none to lean on.",0.8534526472781501,3.276131798657719,2.764507829977628,89.98607568978376,86.71812080536913,5.458762117822522,19.68717375093214,6.937597516519254,0.4161585384041757,574,17,119,8,18,191,102,149,0.212,0.698,0.08900000000000001,-0.9437,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,12,8,1,1,4,0,12,2,1,2,3,26,31,12,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,2,6,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,6,3,15,3,7,24,3,16,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,3,8,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371304601560032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302036628224673,0.11640556294290652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280116078352023,0.13900250403963765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995740823754864,0.30117847440487183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609342670220381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314797867746808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913194010843445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821856249931792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959472891807456,0.0,0.0,0.18298434160762012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758861206613705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134377438813504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839839946425602,0.16078586899538233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462454675971792,0.14536251107429232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665032124218472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835907456023318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771264672446376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905779299558268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517103276678798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667263189496548,0.1635641755028235,0.13216524793197004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302790066763685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981932692800858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696557047377961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mushroomimpersonator,2018/04/13,"I have no purpose except to die I keep feeling like I can see into the shadowy heart of things. like, I'll be riding in a car past some beautiful mountains, but all I can think about is how there is a dark shadow version of that mountain somewhere.

I just got home from work and all I can see in my mind is an image of my body upside down hanging from barbed wire. the word ""garotted"" keeps running through my mind. 

whenever I'm stressed out by external things, my thoughts shift from being these dreamlike images of violence, to vicious self-hatred. the following thought has become like an automatic reflex: ""kill yourself, you fucking whore."" I'm not sure where this comes from...it's not even a bad thing to be a sex worker, but apparently it's the worst insult my mind can come up with for myself. 

Anyway...the ""funny"" thing is that all these self-hating and suicidal thoughts are so unpleasant that I want to die to escape them. 

I wish very much that I didn't hate myself and I'm not entirely sure if I have great reasons for hating myself (though I can think of at least a couple decent ones) but at the end of the day I do hate myself and I have for years and years, I hate myself with the kind of passion that I've never felt for anyone else, good or bad, and I can't think of any reason why I exist on earth at all. I wish so badly that I knew why I was here, I wish I had something that I lack...a purpose I guess. I wish that the same vividness that runs through these suicidal thoughts could be turned toward something more positive. but no. that's why I sometimes feel like I don't have any purpose except to die...to free myself from this self-hatred and aimlessness in life.",4.747636903156191,5.3857907032640995,5.125337199892098,85.59980509846241,69.26706231454006,7.670299433504182,27.78108983005125,7.520522993642371,1.4486035608308607,1325,42,268,13,22,421,176,337,0.18600000000000005,0.627,0.187,-0.7559999999999999,1,0,2,0,0,1,47.0,0,1,1,2,10,25,8,1,15,0,26,7,2,3,7,61,60,17,5,7,12,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,20,13,0,2,13,0,1,8,9,14,0,1,10,6,39,12,42,45,11,27,0,0,3,4,3,13,1,4,10,181,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708250930769486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505206225660764,0.08067143568266205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972167217635745,0.0,0.08695459917966683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874548014053593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135643306805926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286202870402757,0.0871167537393615,0.0,0.05077638043819167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451377965249853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577145970602119,0.0,0.06973421830697449,0.0,0.0,0.05200251543680738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961971161635945,0.11249398303303594,0.07559618904980407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278754585867184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603764651269915,0.06297010749467892,0.0868035965455011,0.08673346188014286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109308160146224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329918410375224,0.0,0.0,0.07897578780840596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399633159855398,0.08710658597872342,0.0819884795102561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055611565534098385,0.15386019722288244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849416852883346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057877938216508024,0.0,0.06072387351815769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053351632803771344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515971845555151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619016210175032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254802838187314,0.0,0.246407598347886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122527978111453,0.07786911713703802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018857883943728,0.0,0.0,0.17224261549574876,0.0,0.14841015963505055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922727549785736,0.1513471063673685,0.07735493858784566,0.2500213657616843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563907884695715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496310985774317,0.04643886285948788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313331602084146,0.0,0.36215703404098704,0.0,0.0,0.057318684587970535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140315866720996
suicidewatch,Zarackaz,2018/04/13,"I feel done. Ive burnt out on LoL the only thing I found that felt fun. I feel so lost. I basicly quit school, unemployed, no summerjob, barely any money, barely any job experience. I just feel so done.",0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,2.870000000000001,88.73500000000001,87.75,6.2,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.5948500000000005,155,4,32,3,5,52,29,40,0.117,0.7340000000000001,0.149,0.3197,4,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,6,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,17,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320958299291741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997532322917755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388507829262083,0.0,0.0,0.3703878585621126,0.0,0.2344470568002779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677261579789689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230680137424598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665467263206294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857066964444357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597110160830514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471189422788889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221954955459725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ionnus,2018/04/13,"I just want it to stop. I'm a 28 year old gay guy with no job. The only thing that keeps me here is my family and my online gaming friends. I wish I was straight and that I was someone else. I feel like I dont fit in and that everyone in my life would be better off without me. I just feel so lonely and depressed. I have no active plans to end it, but I just want it to stop. I wish I was never born in the first place ",0.3231842105263141,1.4515563052631568,2.5801973684210537,97.71450657894738,80.68421052631578,5.592105263157895,18.190789473684205,5.985473137389443,-0.5199210526315792,319,6,83,2,8,109,60,95,0.142,0.68,0.17800000000000002,0.3596,1,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,21,16,6,0,5,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,2,16,3,9,11,0,15,0,2,0,1,3,7,0,0,9,57,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602049092138815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168043457267942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200030042490375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681352198577653,0.0,0.1662616038099059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937170176817818,0.0,0.0,0.17696294419049904,0.0,0.1898307784844581,0.13410511003151426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967204112709465,0.0,0.0,0.14502974015947218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586940896990425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862802235831328,0.1668515540524893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259011573596624,0.09170907688451986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477897430835632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697748419998248,0.0,0.0,0.14276728815847134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612438126782844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905206153704726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313879746521848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471087806533718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22144077916349164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43173072540680496,0.18095255369868213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334881839089854,0.0,0.0,0.1208836364751685
suicidewatch,kriegkopf,2018/04/13,"When I kill myself, I’ll be in my favourite suit Navy blue suit. White shirt. Dark red tie to match the speckles of blood dotting the walls around me. Maybe I’ll decide to put on my favourite pair of brown oxfords too.

That’ll be the outfit I’ll be in when I finally resign myself to the pull of Glock 22 trigger mechanism at 21 years old. A single pull to end all the bad thoughts. A single action to rescue myself from the torment of my dismal situation. That dismal situation you might ask? The ephemeral case of unrequited love.

Right now I lay with a night where the moon shines baleful and bright. Its gentle light haunting my room. Had it been a year ago, I would be perfectly content in the company of only the moon. But I want more right now, I want a girl that can’t want me back. When I confessed my feelings to her, she said she has a crush on me, but she’s afraid to date. Reason being her religion. She’s a witness and she’s never been in a relationship before.

We still hang out a lot, and when I’m with her I’m the happiest guy in the world, but there’s an inarticulable feeling looming in the crevices of my mind. People tell me I need to cut her out of my life. Easier said than done. I just can’t rationalize myself to escape her presence, or form a healthy, cordial relationship with her where we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. I presently have the opportunity to, but my desire for me forbids me. And thus I am sad, and have been since the leaves started falling last year. 

Depression crashed itself into mind because I can’t call her my girlfriend, with it the endless tides of sorrow, and thoughts of a future that I’m not a part of. A future not being with the girl I really love, I’ve told myself, that’s not one I can endure. My heart flutters then aches when I think about her. Sometimes moments of delusions are maliciously cast into my mind. Delusions where we can be truly together. Only after they fade is my sadness exponential.

Thoughts have parsed my rotten mind with the idea that not existing wouldn’t be so bad. That’s where it started; a simple idea that not existing wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Then as I lay in bed, hopelessly forcing myself to fall asleep to escape reality, the thought crosses my mind that not waking up ever is seriously inviting. After hours battling with my thoughts, I am forced to waken in the early grey dawn, forced to meander to the subway to monotonous legal lectures, forced to deal with my thoughts of her all over again.

I’m weak-willed, I don’t want to endure these thoughts anymore. I know time heals all wounds, but I don’t want to wait. I can’t anymore. I want to forcefully remove them from my mind. I think the power of ballistics firearms can aid me. I’m taking the easy way out and I will wear my favourite suit whilst doing it. ",3.4566495122513254,5.399529888086647,4.236263153852061,85.68503686919121,74.12635379061372,6.808756432905753,26.22766725554958,7.616502295504843,1.4022515246946767,2234,80,437,29,47,715,265,554,0.13699999999999998,0.753,0.111,-0.969,1,0,0,1,0,2,62.0,2,1,2,3,21,21,3,1,40,0,39,11,6,3,6,84,73,23,1,11,14,0,2,0,2,6,3,2,2,3,17,24,0,2,17,0,0,9,16,16,0,1,15,13,74,5,70,43,10,77,1,6,7,2,36,30,0,3,37,293,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071432679957912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822760097532884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710152599832162,0.07457738247821953,0.0,0.0,0.061340838655834874,0.13321495319438853,0.04862913861782088,0.0,0.06788130792320733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814575847349166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224289692853201,0.06870873288378651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163590911983573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065557533412961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215962879266083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067167982621118,0.0,0.0,0.08738788629813257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789882313585668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453189110167716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856075314810068,0.0,0.0,0.18010897045910654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825747383624118,0.0,0.0438413873746009,0.06502598747964328,0.0,0.08446853725652344,0.0,0.0,0.056346328293901425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782051204995419,0.14399725878619865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801431263183831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462699598725967,0.4832905021480464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059150982820061225,0.06152618218297622,0.0,0.0,0.07486195408164033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370878877080805,0.0,0.05405653640758845,0.1213425668053042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638684393345228,0.0,0.05530484753782382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019432432075041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511048978959141,0.08202036574184843,0.0,0.17129360522747114,0.0,0.13625213581962275,0.15176558761439665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659894003867854,0.1793373410826051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788979557762947,0.0,0.11292807968099272,0.0,0.06370715916253937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997968664854422,0.0,0.06972548841307219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299791796911496,0.10223117751143433,0.0,0.4433183131187724,0.04651652484251794,0.0,0.0,0.0762269248983237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823145927087872,0.06332043053433016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566687513390506,0.0,0.0,0.154114408039758
suicidewatch,Chance738,2018/04/13,"Being at peace Hi, my name is Chance. I live with many mental illnesses. I can’t drive. I can’t work. And due to my depression, I can barely live anymore. There is very little that can be don’t to help me. The medicines only work for a very short period of time but as a result of anxiety combined with the physical affects of the medicines, my family always tells me how “good I’m feeling”. Little do they know that I am mentally crippled and literally dying because of everything going on. The anxiety has made me physically and mentally exhausted. The constant waves of severe suicidal impulses are crippling me and the OCD is just making things much worse with intrusive thoughts. The manic highs and lows of Bipolar are actually driving me insane. I have been hysterical, infuriated, and suicidal many times. The constant nostalgia that I experience as a result of my Autism makes life unbearably. I am constantly reminded of how great it used to be when I was younger and didn’t have a thousand things to worry about. On top of all this, I am a Christian and I have scrupulosity due to OCD. Which makes me feel like I am literally doomed anyway. No chance of Heaven no matter what. Just eternal torment. The fear of hell that I have has actually caused me anxiety attacks and insomnia. Even though I try to be a model Christian and the light of the world. I feel like the biggest hypocrite ever. Telling people they will be okay and that God loves them when I don’t even know if I believe it myself. To be honest, if I knew I was saved, I would end my life. I may do it anyway. I have been using massive amounts of caffeine, B12, three lorazepam, a day, Prozac two clonidine, four amytryptaline, and another pill for depression and I still feel like this. Stabbing waves of anxiety. Constant pounding waves of depression. Doubt, fear, confusion, anger, mania, pretty much every emotion and I can barely stand it anymore. I’ll just slowly poison myself with all these chemicals. I really just want to be at peace!",4.576076203208559,6.837828328877009,5.3745421122994665,77.34651905080216,71.86096256684492,8.632219251336897,30.40407754010695,9.271962702966755,3.0165831550802142,1601,70,275,37,32,520,195,374,0.236,0.62,0.14400000000000002,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,2,49.0,0,0,3,3,17,24,4,4,19,1,40,10,0,12,3,56,58,24,3,4,7,0,4,3,0,3,9,0,0,0,16,18,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,14,0,4,8,5,42,10,36,40,5,32,5,5,0,1,9,12,1,5,19,196,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.16611406847531907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082000200217957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892473528276934,0.26044178749830826,0.0,0.1688164670224593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968271869239202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051883485088584425,0.0,0.0,0.09589207791847937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743346895968364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679033407076076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489019872196954,0.0,0.2199205220997936,0.0,0.0883328183261723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573954399737733,0.07538396923054398,0.0,0.0,0.11243134629666024,0.07698867656047273,0.07171053067023796,0.0,0.07649317735431749,0.08325586750310925,0.08023601862433281,0.1915493246076312,0.1721407376852213,0.18241208896011024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837111088524425,0.0713879073091002,0.0,0.09383628023592758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704877937266512,0.08992550074706306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355065842270058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023424501958077,0.12474427176695507,0.1706091670205921,0.15031091027049193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681690280128549,0.08053503211966699,0.1704387622881901,0.1725804178530034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573186316851825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513422590998466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473151113092528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900594405148644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658950209871552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452492648028536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615233359072974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797055297283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619742705886635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487832785525908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308926149347508,0.0,0.083622107652615,0.06756942072752947,0.0992589830556902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057785460956363575,0.0,0.08314205653375005,0.0,0.0,0.14701888130359514,0.0,0.14045262694646904,0.05020126264971637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239250990466088,0.08643536721756835,0.08673639910360048,0.060461122665472426,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,subcultura,2018/04/13,"I just need a hug I feel the relentless need to end it all on a constant basis.

I have depression, ptsd, and anxiety due to abuse and my mother's murder. I feel very overwhelmed easily and lately work has been extremely tiring and stressful. Also, my relationship isn't going so great because I have outbursts of rage. I've been trying to take control of my emotions but at times I lose grip. I am very disappointed at myself.

I have not many friends. So I usually spend my time home alone because my partner is borrowing my car and I don't really have a way to get around and do things. No one calls me. No one texts me. Not even my family, and I don't live with them anymore.

Sometimes, I feel it would be best to leave it all behind. I feel like I'm too useless and I'm just a burden. I've tried therapy and it has helped to a certain extent. But I still struggle. Right now... All I want is a hug.",1.2855021337126615,3.4403702216216234,3.3241251778093925,88.57264580369845,81.91891891891892,6.4893314366998585,22.709815078236126,7.669130373188453,1.092405405405406,701,24,147,12,19,237,109,185,0.224,0.644,0.132,-0.9548,0,1,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,10,17,2,3,7,0,17,3,0,1,4,30,29,14,1,4,6,1,5,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,5,11,0,1,4,0,2,2,7,10,0,2,2,5,26,7,14,25,5,17,0,5,0,2,7,5,0,0,10,99,31,1,0.0,0.16077482475706295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053773181273044,0.0,0.10851418872855108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380529556679513,0.0,0.13457167088382346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079614599832827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543521856118112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424021479625764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855842111450015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466366645268575,0.15219200299272273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687276975049565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526371287425217,0.12018432651904047,0.0,0.0,0.08962439741643474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791992726521811,0.0,0.2744432116849393,0.09693959376409604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483660235965496,0.0,0.070894348463321,0.0,0.07711784672603073,0.0,0.0,0.14960276380137116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095261496072868,0.0,0.1361118271560894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306838406059525,0.14368001695854854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629307903014604,0.0,0.11982000751429946,0.0,0.0,0.1518065214192049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757209590944305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012302921475026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838991018436957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586186531826767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692884753112917,0.0,0.0,0.14568423287141302,0.0,0.1158816632857577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420452149545614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836514998544856,0.0,0.15543665463936324,0.14185649902060274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020247618194159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551775515574911,0.0,0.0901488530509876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824815476391033,0.1559599264826959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842542062595169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944742041922787,0.2239229978162508,0.08003564953590976,0.10770732900660633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878661683475927,0.0,0.0,0.0963928986799845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,praiseLron,2018/04/13,"20 I'm twenty years old as of two weeks ago and I have 0 posessions or dependents. I've always felt a little off but my mind broke over this girl. Never have I been as happy as i was when I was naively in love, she could do no wrong. Well she did lots wrong. She continually cheated throughout the relationship, even with my friends. So I know that I could live a badass life, I wish I could. But I feel like a million and one perfect coincidences would have to occur for me to get into the headspace of being in control of my life. I've been on lexapro and now zoloft as well as lomotrigine and trazodone. The first two weeks of each of the antidepressants was like rolling on molly 24/7. But very soon the effects dwindled down to nothing as I now feel as awful as the day I found out what was happening. I'm simply uninterested in whatever the remainder of my life may consist of. I have felt just about as worthless and ugly a person can for a long time. I don't deserve to be here still. It's been two years. 

On the other hand I do love myself and my family and friends. There are so many amazing possibilities... But it just isn't worth this unending surrealistic melancholy which removes any chance of self initiative to make myself happy. I just want to fucking od on oxy and be done with this shit. Every day all I can think of is how much I love her and how much I fucking hate her, she's a terrible person. I still can't find any other females attractive, at least not like her. Sex with other females has been really just... pointless. I'm not interested in anyone but this girl and it's ruined a good bit of my life. No way this gets good enough for me to look back and think that it was worth getting through this. You can't convince me otherwise.",3.911617132867132,5.19909346590909,4.842272727272729,84.45937062937067,71.72727272727273,7.688111888111888,27.174825174825173,8.139509932561175,1.6091137237762236,1388,48,285,20,26,452,183,352,0.161,0.64,0.199,0.9643,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,4,21,30,5,0,15,1,34,13,2,6,3,56,59,31,1,6,12,0,5,3,2,2,5,0,0,5,17,17,0,1,10,0,2,1,9,11,2,6,14,6,38,19,48,37,8,37,0,3,1,6,19,15,3,4,23,207,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844699576873921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928996686517649,0.0,0.0,0.12960265699746712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662986875984253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327310150958484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403338215735024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687725750413113,0.2282469657360067,0.0,0.0,0.12290996653047175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751604945159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846135065089334,0.0,0.06293898242332026,0.0,0.08028700141172543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898321247988843,0.0,0.0963642544572942,0.06807609940955021,0.18298911788824504,0.0,0.08709449069918794,0.0810547021074701,0.0,0.10448195458882463,0.1472435913309691,0.17619047967025875,0.14935726031539776,0.0,0.0,0.15985158557150678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426575174412244,0.20287864900015568,0.0,0.09408039687903988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236958766481738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692281568523161,0.13966349753446816,0.09550688236030958,0.08414393361959396,0.08432977169323791,0.08002066364975374,0.0,0.0,0.08101322663275347,0.2580122637222726,0.0,0.06360765994686253,0.09661038708189963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621701408746433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010008960176015,0.0,0.07349449879361239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143453966479943,0.0,0.09999215386117602,0.0,0.06457182794113997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640931568247638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742658454301214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610460250172678,0.0,0.0,0.10230715783163936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994095726018998,0.0,0.0978151150891432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521994561044364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211759101091416,0.0,0.0,0.05556510346691726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792571613085008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862527408831324,0.0562052575480516,0.07563777143974951,0.15287381127242355,0.0,0.1713565841565619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958025303451972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769218126581159,0.20837208040836067,0.0,0.12272890200437025
suicidewatch,nickronomicon999,2018/04/13,"Losing Friends I'm losing my best friend and he says it's my fault. It's so hard to think of why I should go on. Work is incredibly drama filled and I have mental illness to deal with on top of it, voices and what not. He's getting sexual harassment accusations because he made a gay joke in front of a homophobe (my friend is gay and so am i) and now it's all my fault. I tried to console him, told him I was there for him. He told me to stop because I was the reason for all of this. I really like him, I don't want to lose him as a friend. And the thought that all his unhappiness is my fault hurts all the more. It's hard to think of reasons to stick around when all I do is hurt people. ",1.5182229580573967,2.6415342384106,3.4618708609271533,92.65496964679913,77.47682119205298,6.887637969094922,21.19260485651214,7.492282038375204,0.40568830022075103,534,13,131,7,12,181,82,151,0.222,0.628,0.15,-0.861,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,6,6,16,1,0,6,0,11,3,0,3,5,23,21,10,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,1,1,2,0,0,8,8,0,1,5,2,0,3,2,9,0,0,6,4,21,7,20,14,7,11,0,5,0,2,18,5,0,0,4,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254863873327157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718586941931752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793130152090986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532600488652025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356286827406437,0.0,0.07364701578386393,0.0,0.08011215841821323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252549175830168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018062464963162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886708945805575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47310247663132005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338199461023345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420569055114098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772555252418076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030409821045801,0.2898655693743885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209892753819592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785084594194987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064597864897472,0.0,0.11190836924115452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939115410500725,0.0,0.09570419032526006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314325291659264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719660580041106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102622277896074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Donniedunko,2018/04/13,"Nothing interesting left I've lived my life without experiencing much, I feel as if I have some mental problem that I can't explain. I've never been on medication as my family could never afford for me to see anyone or deal with anything. But I have become so desensitized and disassociated from the world that I feel as if I am just someone onlooking my own life, just to see it fail. I've never prepared for my future and the only real enjoyment that gives me euphoria is playing counter-strike, I am able to be empathetic but I am also unable to fully comprehend my feelings. I smoke so much weed it's going to kill me (I have a heart condition) but it doesn't stop me because my entire life I never admitted to having a heart problem. I don't like living, as each passing day I feel like my future it bleaker and bleaker, and I don't want to drag my current SO down with me. It's not normal to think of killing yourself everyday, but yet everyone thinks I'm fine and am joking. I'm sorry if any of this comes off as edgy it's not suppose to but it always has. 

I see everyone on medication and always think what if I got on it, but then I realize I'm so far down the rabbit hole it doesn't matter. 

I have days when I feel okay and days when all I can think about is throwing myself into the darkness (i.e. Crashing my car or slicing my wrists open when around sharp objects) and although I've never answered those calls they still exist. Whenever I would self harm is the only time people took interest in my problems, as if I had to show physical symptoms of my mental state of mind. And with the new era of ""everyone has depression"" I've been left out because I don't take medications or see a weekly therapist, I'm sorry I'm not rich so I can't relate to how everyone acts when they're off their pills, I've never been on them. 

I'm sorry I've wasted your time with this post but everything feels so bleak and I'm lying anytime someone asks me how I am or what my interests are, I don't reveal anything to anyone and the only one I share my interests with are myself because they aren't just waved away. 

ive done too much wrong and I feel like no right will ever fix that. My own SO even made a joke that Xanax wouldn't work on me because it's for people with ""anxiety"", I've just given up, I've been living a lie for the last half decade and it gets less doable everyday.  ",5.157169452083778,5.110214435582822,6.478231436429024,78.65006134969327,68.2433537832311,9.280614907270287,29.95000352584444,9.035553425615538,2.340800098723644,1885,64,378,31,29,642,226,489,0.152,0.777,0.071,-0.991,2,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,1,4,2,25,24,2,0,13,1,39,12,3,3,8,89,74,51,2,13,24,0,8,3,0,3,9,0,0,1,21,25,0,1,16,4,1,7,21,9,0,2,10,13,58,15,51,59,9,59,0,2,4,0,13,21,0,10,32,256,79,2,0.07094028594743977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673092104214821,0.11805600163218075,0.0,0.0,0.04824182709031924,0.0,0.05426912457769008,0.0,0.0,0.09920619475651048,0.0,0.11675562166129362,0.06315189470723946,0.06631959112617683,0.0,0.06665073385903318,0.0,0.0,0.17297815947852244,0.07834797233374254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724379635517954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110877486152056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566400458654262,0.0,0.0,0.1372518470780076,0.07313631983430753,0.061100764336710585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259654246543745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468553898145128,0.06416955004747725,0.0,0.27114593320778113,0.06375655475351492,0.0,0.06687618806747843,0.0,0.2510867806448609,0.10135950891078067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03706337145521142,0.06805238642968084,0.040316999323461215,0.0,0.056737427190620075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681291608237516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696983144610102,0.0,0.0,0.05782580132100116,0.0,0.0,0.15415365650073726,0.0,0.15032166575452938,0.10397352114499807,0.0,0.1879247165336317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712541382782315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143946243863284,0.14298224580338906,0.0,0.07162946600462024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564478179958556,0.0,0.3282811311154292,0.0685145702249391,0.0,0.0,0.06950641817961513,0.06806911763666074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048070973707015865,0.1618598524642272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836212412188668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794118423139535,0.0,0.0,0.20364081887043692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074557621327992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058261658797645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261208929213029,0.0,0.07400618974466104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021494814667312,0.0,0.0,0.2382355264542143,0.0,0.0,0.0566530039949285,0.05930925554779099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373411964974913,0.0533382664049572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823671397070393,0.0,0.1818226831676754,0.0,0.0,0.08273170244523946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881726791923795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041842418651231145,0.0,0.05690401833495193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838390414332443,0.0,0.05164537306446402,0.0,0.0,0.050393943760823526,0.07756206629086848,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopScotch4321,2018/04/13,"Do you ever feel suicidal when you hear about a success story or when you see someone close to you achieve something? It happens when they meet a similar goal that I want. The r/GetMotivated thread also triggers these emotions. 

Also, I could be completely normal and someone would bring up a hypothetical positive outcome in conversation, “Hey man, you never know, but [blank] can happen!” And then I just feel anxious and I want to end it. 

I’m trying to recover, but those are serious triggers. I try to stay away from “feel good” content and just be “realistic” if you call it that.

What are some methods to combat this (besides therapy and meds which I can’t afford or exercise which I do already)?",4.588054968287526,6.836542294573642,5.723171247357294,74.91786469344609,71.79069767441861,8.411839323467232,32.65750528541226,9.095868883498916,3.2430093023255817,552,27,93,12,11,183,89,129,0.076,0.8320000000000001,0.091,0.2387,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,6,1,3,9,3,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,2,2,27,22,16,1,6,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,14,2,10,18,1,13,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,4,7,70,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905028121028876,0.2761062022729135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502410840505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219268669063275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627574741656798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100051940114745,0.0,0.0,0.13783195894922742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418685444151024,0.15289999564439058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615479565374335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26186255159035937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479485264621708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053143842969241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456789879956066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487358792169537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917543363732392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331438169359708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691419141856385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756470865481854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925396959847795,0.13289992489002075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400188038004456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883050386501884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741881195705366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344104938681625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364469843740945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226322451121348,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flaunty_Skink,2018/04/13,"Can't really put up with anymore. I haven't been happy for a long long time now. Thinking back, the last time I was happy was around 1999. I'm just tired of being miserable all of the time. I'm pretty good at pretending like I am doing fine, I've had a lot of practice.

Really, I am just trying to think of things I could include in a letter to my family to lessen any negative feelings toward my death. I know there probably isn't much one could say to achieve that, but I need to at least put something to that effect. 

I don't have any money to leave any of them, but my car could be sold to pay for cremation or something.

I will be getting my tax return soon (I hope) and I am going to build my younger brother a computer. He has had to go without more than myself or my other siblings, and I at least want to do something for him before I go. 

I may try acid, I've wanted to for a while but didn't want to risk the consequences of being caught with it.

If you read this, thanks I guess. It isn't really intended for an audience, however, this is the appropriate sub I'm assuming.


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suicidewatch,sslsh,2018/04/13,"Welp (22/m) Have no passion for *anything*. Working graveyard shift at an entry level dead end job even though I have an engineering degree (I never had interest in engineering so that's that). Basically, the only reason I have not killed myself yet is because I don't want to hurt my parents. ",2.2805714285714282,5.128916381818186,4.4233766233766225,77.34363636363638,85.18181818181819,6.051948051948052,26.038961038961038,7.447530270364453,1.9448961038961032,231,10,38,4,7,79,47,55,0.198,0.653,0.149,-0.2584,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,1,4,7,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,4,6,0,6,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,28,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489019979198425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437917111863866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26789321763234475,0.0,0.0,0.19977453714353435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32379383439786513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30014872546288285,0.0,0.3346314644567374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332787870693288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300374068395599,0.0,0.0,0.33585033952362475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31098323927102434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971692219568165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840103032130988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201973036699137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Falloutfan2281,2018/04/13,"I just wrote some of my suicide note and now I can’t stop crying like a little bitch Not gonna make a fake account because I don’t care about Reddit enough for that bs. I’m really not sure what to do. I’ve finally become resigned to the idea of dying. It scared me so much but now I just feel calm about it, like after all this time I’m finally ready. I recently turned 20 and I feel like two decades is a good enough amount of time to decide this whole living thing isn’t for me. People didn’t even used to make it to 20, the life I’ve had has been plenty. I know it will hurt people, my family and friends. But they’ll be alright, they’ll make it and live their lives to the fullest. Their existence is not dependent on mine. I don’t know why I’m posting this I don’t even care if anyone reads it I just can’t tell anyone else but I want somewhere to understand how I feel. I want it said somewhere that I understood that I’m a fucking loser and that I’ve come to terms with it. I understand finally and am resigned. I am unfortunately granted life for some reason, my worthless life continuing to use up the world’s finite resources. Even the air I’m breathing now is too good for me. I really do wish I could just pop out of existence and everyone just continue on. But I’m finally okay, I’m not scared anymore. I am but not nearly as much, I’m calm about it now. It won’t be tonight, I need to stop crying and think about what I need to write in my note. If somehow you read this garbage, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for wasting your time and I’m sorry to everyone in my life that I’m such a fucking pathetic husk that’s void of redemption. It is what it is and that’s okay. ",1.3282505729564562,3.122512036414569,3.2055614973262045,91.34866310160429,79.89635854341736,6.680213903743317,22.302775655716832,7.686295010490155,0.8411669467787113,1315,41,297,21,33,441,157,357,0.152,0.703,0.14400000000000002,-0.4603,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,4,1,21,25,3,2,10,3,27,7,1,8,2,64,67,20,2,8,17,0,3,3,1,5,4,1,0,0,27,13,0,2,12,2,1,1,13,11,0,1,6,4,36,14,36,53,10,31,0,5,0,2,11,10,3,6,22,182,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383295813628219,0.1182133789990056,0.08661294972291267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152987869147927,0.09335887310287648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237186863933962,0.0,0.0,0.07281677097483638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749186605578664,0.0,0.18570870711563944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773079535911192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061557891605144,0.0,0.0,0.17468815679647673,0.0,0.16749762354711173,0.0,0.0,0.16154775941664154,0.0,0.0,0.0796891785380246,0.0,0.12822564804054915,0.06038962622965069,0.0,0.3704023807978644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530915785651804,0.15629681055165048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180274117653208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904931772192149,0.09542625741270916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291307381913767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882960251580254,0.12389409039568235,0.08472319915687163,0.2239297232737879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927715495674564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428138684755426,0.1253587069741979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720759057946573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095822020892625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910960701374206,0.0,0.10830663523831484,0.08691290072243532,0.08346508085928847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040922111300777,0.0,0.1692624132173569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838797178833579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134495373858255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924642091084202,0.0,0.07967034171428983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388463093839512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056159256805109366,0.05416464619137601,0.0,0.0,0.14787374095532824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194646367353812,0.08257541065387873,0.17600143638367244,0.0,0.1460168896903596,0.0,0.0,0.09971824252292352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627691688958935,0.0943768787655785,0.09720754538378913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guidorealmsmc,2018/04/13,"Ending it all at 25 Waiting for that special someone had just completely drained me mentally. It has never happened for me and most likely never will happen as pretty much the 2 times I do truly love someone end up in a disaster and the 3rd time doesn't go as badly but they ended up finding their special someone. I have also never had a girlfriend or even touched a girl for that matter. The first time I ever truly loved someone ended up in a massive disaster. A few months after I met them 4 years ago I absolutely fell in love after getting to know them and I always wanted to talk to them. On Facebook I started to like all of their pictures and then she thought I was a creep. Eventually I started cutting myself saying it was because of my grades but not even about that.Now in my formal for my 8th grade when she had a date and I had flowers for her I was absolutely devastated but she still talked to me and even offered to dance a little bit and I thought I was having a good time only to realize they just blocked me and completely cut me off. This was the moment I should have realized I was unlovable and not worth any love or affection but no 2 years later fell for someone even harder than the last time and it ended up way worse. This time a freshman girl was starting to talk to me and be all nice to me. At first I was a bit surprised a girl would actually talk to me but eventually started to fall for her. In fact she even invited me to sit with her and her friends at their lunch table which I did. Some days she even walked with me to class. Eventually she started to be quiet and suddenly ignored me which i started cutting again(this time my legs so no one could see) fearing I made the same mistake last time and eventually it turns out she thought I was creepy which caused me to look up suicide methods on a school computer. However I got caught and sent to a mental hospital for a week and lied and said I had the flu. This time I SHOULD have learned that I'm worthless,not worth love or affection,a complete waste of life with no redeemable traits. I ended up falling for this girls younger sister and I still love them even after 2 years of never mentioning to them only ever texting them about it(but they said its fine and we still talk to each other a lot which does say that this one wasn't a complete disaster but they eventually find someone and I was devastated as I had always wanted to tell her in person but was scared of this time it ending up horribly. I even heavily trusted them with things I never regularly tell others but soon they blocked me on social media(I learned it wasn't her and that her boyfriend removed all guys on her accounts and even started ignoring me in person for whatever reason) I don't even know why I try anymore. I'm nice to people,get good grades,and I try to stay in shape as well being pretty tall and rather skinny. I just quit. I should have learned no one cares for the nice guys. I should have just realized I was worthless and unwantable a while ago. Now all I really have is my old blankie to keep me comfort and warmth. All I'm going to give life is 7 years to prove me wrong but that is it. At 25 if I'm still forever alone I will commit suicide and be free from the life that I didn't want.In  2025 no more will I have to suffer the cold truth that i'm completely unloveable and just someone everyone steps on and replaces. Then at last may I be free of my ugly appearance,voice and my personality. I don't about my ""uniqueness"", myself just gets stepped on and replaced by someone a million times better than me in every way so it doesn't matter if I was to commit suicide. If love is a reason to live and my life is completely absent of it why move on?
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suicidewatch,SuicidalModerate,2018/04/13,"I've set a date The day after my 30th birthday, almost 4 months away. I've planned a trip abroad with friends before then. I'm starting a new, better job. I'm going to be meeting with a therapist soon. In other words, I have given myself every opportunity to change my mind between now and then.

I don't know why I'm posting here. I guess I just wanted to tell my story. You can't really talk about suicide with most people, you know? It weirds them out. I have enough trouble keeping friends without that baggage.

So, here goes. I am estranged from my parents. They are not awful people or even awful parents by most standards, but they made me deeply unhappy growing up and I decided to remove them from my life years ago.

I am alone. I have friendships, but they are superficial. I have had long-term girlfriends, but they never worked out. I have been in love once, and it ended badly.

I have spontaneously developed chronic medical issues over the past year. My body is starting to break down.

I spent the last decade trying to improve myself. I made progress, but it has become increasingly clear that my best self just isn't all that great.

I'm not depressed. I don't have any of the symptoms. I'm just unhappy with who I am and I can't be fixed. I'm not likely to ever have the life I want. I gave it a real honest shot, but I'm tired. And I want to be done with it.

So, one day after my 30th birthday, I am going to kill myself. It's been a long, long time coming, delayed by years of hope. But I think I'm finally ready to go.

Thanks for reading.",1.5806031561622618,3.885326587859428,3.113563752541392,89.63343789331013,81.84345047923324,5.327485719817989,22.26440120050344,6.574015621080383,0.5506430244941427,1214,40,245,12,33,398,170,313,0.114,0.703,0.184,0.9663,3,1,0,0,0,2,47.0,0,2,6,6,12,16,1,0,11,2,28,8,1,2,4,51,58,16,2,4,14,2,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,1,11,13,0,2,4,1,1,8,10,5,0,1,9,0,42,11,35,46,6,46,0,1,0,1,20,8,0,6,28,162,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953268821102188,0.0,0.10768482777722092,0.11137802701450193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313024383468295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103648043317506,0.0,0.08979061749729739,0.0,0.11876843532465114,0.09150781363192673,0.0,0.112855601681642,0.09510955347057247,0.0,0.11945164514048452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376205909643383,0.09263537215733944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387075856363313,0.0,0.09262322892670476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004978816645446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524768183674974,0.1111165889374131,0.0,0.07102853040141281,0.09727523032964897,0.09060629042674276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780377629293742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661688114517378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833507664844928,0.0,0.0,0.1185621857788082,0.11846639113947685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681054453307813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224283199832512,0.106715916734515,0.09558565158873976,0.11897602910904267,0.0,0.1182013024786906,0.08765868138914973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191602713945074,0.052538149377086237,0.0,0.0,0.28550603402691777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970581941012576,0.20351210461171698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833428239815936,0.0,0.0,0.10858378777525997,0.0,0.08583664626705757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294074738590777,0.10386188768094498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452558194327525,0.07287124556835352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388187843382588,0.0,0.10265819455924223,0.14910807809297094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029926864079347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756815477654888,0.12240298581547902,0.06889227116290057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218668586432803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223339068466474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176302698859383,0.0,0.0,0.11177425222362486,0.0,0.08643581744035198,0.0939938724562661,0.09900751184206713,0.0,0.12486112931551738,0.0,0.06890668304205191,0.0,0.0,0.06270688671628794,0.1236003219983372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301195806139064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028795942171914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703726886658257,0.0,0.0,0.1036638097269008,0.0,0.07828971150007137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775487332758724
suicidewatch,jen7en,2018/04/13,Therapist just dumped me. Said cancelled our next meeting because I have 'real problems' and she's not qualified to help. That's all really. When your therapist abandons you what else is there? Mega-therapy? I have no other options left.,3.377142857142857,6.57176766666667,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,86.61904761904762,7.561904761904763,30.809523809523807,8.344100000000001,3.4292095238095244,190,10,29,5,6,60,38,42,0.319,0.6809999999999999,0.0,-0.9103,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,21,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625903202283061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281072419769804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877710587480272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897925663029289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283660241057972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25521546420670044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30358628240963226,0.17086796004004365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537122411707602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050180973484348,0.6193660361113948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phlibbertigibbet,2018/04/13,"Tonight I want to die tonight. A drive to the bridge, a walk to see down. And a drop. Not even a jump. It's not worth the effort. Just limp drop down. ",-2.6945454545454552,-1.2244515151515143,-1.287424242424242,114.08886363636364,109.6060606060606,2.2,11.56060606060606,3.1291,-2.340248484848485,112,2,32,0,6,34,23,33,0.295,0.665,0.039,-0.8159,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6568803495995874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180436187861342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043624475977286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733179081631975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hellogoodbyeall,2018/04/13,"This might be the last thing anyone ever sees from me. Where to begin, I'm some 20 something Hispanic guy that lives in the New York New Jersey area. 

I grew up rather poor. 

I grew up somewhat alone. I mean I had friends but I never had much of a family to speak of. My mom is a very cold and damaged woman. She was a bit warmer at one point but only when it was easy. My dad was even worse off emotionally speaking, due to scars from his childhood.
Emotionally speaking I've mostly been alone I've never been very good about broaching these topics.

I'm a failure. 

This would be easier to stomach if I could say I were stupid. But I can't because I got accepted and went to some smart highschool(less than 10 from my student body got in). I got an 1800 back when max was 2400 on the SAT having never studied for it or for much of anything. Mine is a story of disappointing people, my teachers, myself. Academically all I've ever done was coast by. In the sense that I've always done the minimum.

Maybe I could make the excuse I were poor. That one is somewhat flimsy in some ways. Sure it is true I grew poor. But that highschool was a real opportunity. I essentially get paid to go community college. 

I have a therapist who tried their best. Can any therapist really replace the people who should've been there as I grew. The people who are supposed to guide and nurture. If you heard some of the stuff they told me as I grew HAH.

My point is I harbor a deep resentment for what my existence was compared to what I feel it could've been. Maybe I'm just weak I've seen some do more with comparatively similar financial and possibly familial situations. 

My mantra after all this is ""no one cares"". If you had a chance to save someone what would you do? What would you give?  The answer to me is nothing. Everyone has their own lives, their own problems. 
How can anyone afford to care in this world? Why would they stick their neck out like that? Most would rightly call them foolish. 

My current existence is that of a leech and I can't bear it any longer. I had a job once worked at it for nearly a year but I didn't like trying to trick people to get stuff they didn't need.

I actually intended to end it yesterday but turns out the place I needed closes at night. So I went to some hotel to think for a bit and try again tomorrow.

Anyway I don't know what I hope to gain from this post. Maybe an opportunity, maybe some words as empty as they are, maybe a hand. I guess I just tire of the struggle. What am I fighting for? Myself?

My phone is getting somewhat low and I have no charger since this was kind of spur of the moment. So I'll check on this in some hours.








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suicidewatch,NeitherBother,2018/04/13,"Not sure what im doing I'm very new here. My friend has used reddit for awhile but i never had until tonight I googled ""why am i not good at anything?"" and ended up here. I've been looking for somewhere to vent a bit about how I've been feeling, and i guess this would be the right place. So im 19 about to be 20 this month. I come from a decent middle class family plenty of friends I guess. Ive always been considered smart and relatively attractive. But i absolutely hate myself. I feel useless. My life feels like its slowly unraveling and theres nothing i can do. I guess i just could use someone to talk to. I dont want to go to therapy cause it legitimizes my problem which i guess this already does. I'm terrified of getting medicated. The more i type the more disjoint this feels. I don't really expect people to respond and i might be too nervous to answer if people do. How do i validate my own life? It feels so wasted. ",1.239704260651628,3.5819225894736846,3.278571428571432,87.67166666666668,83.6315789473684,6.1453634085213045,22.731829573934842,7.447530270364453,1.0703408521303257,732,26,149,12,21,247,119,190,0.16399999999999998,0.726,0.11,-0.9177,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,1,1,5,0,20,3,0,5,2,35,39,13,0,6,6,0,5,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,4,6,23,7,18,29,4,13,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,6,7,97,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401923384354944,0.0,0.10105321773209734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999401224339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325881247551686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124759010534673,0.0,0.1046154070279753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969651488795583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627865146360196,0.0,0.14233439471910375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756555268001038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448895270790566,0.0,0.3070349998954595,0.08676140460094603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876585308671545,0.0,0.06345078426793226,0.0,0.06902084527023276,0.10186356307252384,0.0,0.0,0.5351480515301098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990327661891358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623661228700612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156251055237334,0.059332625902825564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198447378109513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234457296633335,0.0,0.12883554555986326,0.0,0.0,0.09693743845377424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366702853251024,0.11729378747441065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653119316712812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839142454526626,0.0,0.12688574500471722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116207899776086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780173837427032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371464830596376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290122621268843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446188995909455,0.0,0.0,0.09761409721504263,0.0,0.0,0.1388846580936484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978156739736245,0.0,0.10020608225505108,0.07163229287697374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958657738340292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627210986033286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blastmcsass,2018/04/13,"I can't go on My 24th birthday is on Monday and my long term girlfriend just broke up with me. She said she was lying about loving me for the past few weeks and didn't want to drag me along any further. She was my anchor in life who helped me get through depression and now it feels like my light has gone. I can't go on any further, not like this I have already started to self harm again but it's not enough",3.1376515151515143,3.696790795454546,3.5390909090909086,95.81196969696973,72.86363636363636,6.321212121212121,23.75757575757576,5.46131890053228,0.1149939393939392,322,8,77,1,6,100,63,88,0.11,0.8079999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.3670000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,11,17,4,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,5,3,14,3,12,12,3,18,0,2,0,1,9,7,0,0,10,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839333866778752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499412569304137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216093332386264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658563458811898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009697914066218,0.18381286577144298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442694416230153,0.0,0.2924553705750056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724606031052936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173631967244186,0.2514044130821829,0.0,0.0,0.2276995471131678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222038282800014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24561888320431524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244748151131537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26841664818572275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182115979961033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176030282193356,0.0,0.2063879510952474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tenoin,2018/04/13,"I hate my life I’m 13 and a borderline genius (134 IQ) and I constantly have feelings of sadness, loneliness, depression and anxiety. I have resided at the same home for 9 years yet I only have 4 good friends, and a friend that I thought I could have trusted that I had been good friends with for years is causing me great deals of stress and attempting to suspend me from my current school for reasons that are all fabricated. He is also constantly verbally abusive towards me. I don’t know what to do and I feel as if i may want to commit suicide. Please help.",3.1240909090909064,5.2961132272727305,4.147272727272728,84.92090909090909,75.81818181818181,7.672727272727273,31.90909090909091,8.548686976883017,2.7027454545454543,445,23,86,9,10,144,75,110,0.214,0.5539999999999999,0.231,0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,11,1,1,3,0,13,1,0,2,2,20,20,9,1,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,15,7,13,15,2,8,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,6,59,19,1,0.0,0.204821645305322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824337677206924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224440742836008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758421032269078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373620222393134,0.0,0.13802192978929465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822047717267034,0.1488919240176934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481564742839692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006747713636867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899888405873877,0.0,0.19058882054650905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067247168937105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587053053378935,0.0,0.1734018272185933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500435015808148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210257530438735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314747593107671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975838757864244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777382517677091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749527834984098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980209985742241,0.0,0.0,0.18909076490841567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723877554707276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196268878411582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226440974705871
suicidewatch,waybackteria,2018/04/13,"I'm so done. Anyone ever feel like they can't talk to others about what's going on?  I have an irrational fear that I'll be locked away and forgotten about if I tell anyone my thoughts,   even though I have found people that at least sort of get it in the past. The problem is that I didn't want to deal with the issues at hand... to the point of completely ignoring anything that had to do with my issues,  then to make it worse I tried to express myself and I couldn't spit it out.  I made up some crap that sounded similar but still not addressing the main issue. To this day I have a really hard time talking about it. Complicated... yes.  Hurting me.. also yes.  I need it to end.  It's becoming unbearable.  I need to talk to some one. Soon. ",1.47637969094923,3.5723444966887428,3.1055364238410625,90.72726710816778,80.8543046357616,6.675673289183223,20.662693156732885,7.793537801064563,0.7786102428256072,573,16,124,10,15,189,100,151,0.132,0.8079999999999999,0.06,-0.7001,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,10,6,1,1,7,2,11,3,3,2,1,23,22,8,0,6,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,14,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,6,4,15,1,24,14,4,17,0,1,0,0,7,8,1,4,9,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859308641239955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207385471825202,0.0,0.12203582521182794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393299473160617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378242557191486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548662117203926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956393201554083,0.15288773280361484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175935584491346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313471573375778,0.0,0.0,0.09794879390431216,0.13414315956850714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687539495433742,0.07498343741956445,0.1059434324188386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260004599230074,0.0,0.0,0.07747908077249699,0.0,0.08428062327956236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328450160872664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875504459377962,0.0,0.0,0.4643507315936921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245044120112934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032224149219752,0.09898942332697057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992074681715984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048990980648542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156630138122622,0.10281049268552787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140188633214446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419002358605049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500287886571164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843020481371967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35758662134367003,0.12961814624991713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457010852951691,0.11773128194358624,0.08647319448457245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068395322681754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874694342988469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112734943836734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StopBeingASwine,2018/04/13,I’m going to kill myself and I need advice Save the “no don’t do it” comments. I just want to know the most lethal method. I bought a Glock 17 just for the occasion. Where should I shoot myself in the head for the least pain and most foolproof method? ,0.03736263736263723,2.378808230769234,0.9225274725274736,101.6796153846154,91.69230769230772,3.740659340659341,13.197802197802195,5.288315135182226,-1.3423659340659342,196,3,45,1,7,60,36,52,0.162,0.662,0.17600000000000002,-0.0529,0,0,2,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,6,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,9,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,5,7,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027410524277479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423018025390646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229772881114158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559748062977755,0.0,0.2265028359303737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055985715583127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385488648305728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430924281915505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenLifeooo,2018/04/13,"No matter what I say, I say I'll wait. I think I will sometimes, but every 2 minutes there are images in my head of me sitting in a certain spot against the wall on the floor and shooting myself in the chest. The gun is right there in my closet. I don't even have the safe locked.

I just keep seeing it over and over. I'm going to end up killing myself tonight, right in that spot on the floor. I know it.",1.6753201970443357,2.904972459770118,2.8203612479474565,96.97862068965513,77.27586206896551,4.971428571428572,21.623973727422005,3.1291,-0.38567848932676574,312,8,74,0,7,100,59,87,0.124,0.79,0.086,-0.6428,0,0,0,2,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,7,0,5,2,2,0,1,11,12,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,12,2,13,11,0,19,0,0,1,0,2,15,0,0,2,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24477073777942496,0.0,0.0,0.1825315372980988,0.0,0.2328431320063241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706034876436778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28362254735137826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456392639623877,0.305748653001343,0.0,0.15187886705624293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720156286446904,0.0,0.4395411883262381,0.0,0.0,0.22022116539600373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733246563109314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707874166474927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoCatsup,2018/04/13,I've taken 500g x32 Paracetamol. I needed to tell someone. I feel worthless. I can't cope with life and I think it be for the best if I was gone. I don't contribute to society and I might never have a job. I have a 2nd year college project and I cannot figure it out. I hate myself and I don't see that changing. I don't want to be here anymore and I think the people in my life would be better off without me. ,-0.5497826086956508,1.307020108695653,2.2349565217391323,95.42526086956524,87.04347826086956,4.984347826086957,20.069565217391304,6.2581,0.0026965217391308194,318,10,76,3,10,111,60,92,0.098,0.813,0.08900000000000001,0.0716,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,4,0,13,2,0,0,1,18,22,6,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,2,16,2,9,14,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,54,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24121818676382434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552542277078588,0.21511662032740184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257304432428892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298408249205907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401386563061131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241367628228558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436002077532181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25802793441201377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035150293883345,0.1875934920733876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862462629896918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382232443453135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608746392730803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125931984375568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311703130402437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346298987536618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344644421615696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278317259334808,0.0,0.0,0.15663174579900258
suicidewatch,LoserGodsThrowaway,2018/04/13,"I need to kill myself cuz it's the only true solution for my loneliness Sorry, I'm just fuckin sick of spending my life alone. I won't actually kill myself because I got fuckedd as an only child so I can't end my miserabke existence so long as my parents are kicking. But boy do I fucking want to. One reason why is because I will be alone for fucking ever. I will never have a girlfriend, from now until I die. I just got too fucked, I'm lonely, and the only way to get a girlfriend is to be perfect and happy and not lonely. I wish I had the balls to fucking not give a shit and end my life",2.140000000000001,3.4104528412698443,4.401777777777777,85.94600000000004,76.14285714285714,6.627301587301588,26.092063492063488,7.1686216300943375,1.2321168253968255,462,17,97,5,10,161,76,126,0.255,0.624,0.121,-0.9588,1,6,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,8,0,7,0,12,9,1,2,4,18,25,11,3,3,5,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,10,0,1,3,0,18,3,12,17,0,8,0,2,0,5,6,0,6,0,7,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.13465740993808786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285830085837364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823369109470038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321085068241904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444346861312541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481899787716964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102746215038381,0.0720935845672282,0.13237167271732492,0.0,0.0,0.2207249014157764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689191212758732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053288833029744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493149699844645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211596907167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231713386808117,0.1064256639311917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350495306029312,0.3148406770217899,0.0,0.0,0.15322051273652804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418757278648544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164377928614105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446744678098304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138951825187356,0.10952928689746642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451365692600788,0.0,0.15868060024052216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,literateplatypus,2018/04/13,"Feeling like there’s no reason to live. I’m 27, all I do is work because I went to school for a useless journalism degree and now without 2 jobs I can’t afford an apartment and health insurance and all the other shit I pay for.
I don’t usually have time for other things and when I do I’m too tired to want to do anything besides sleep.
I have no friends where I live, and haven’t for a few years now.
I have tried finding a psychologist near me but no one near me is taking on new patients.
I have gained 15 lbs in the past 8 months. 
My dad died of cancer 6 months ago.

I can’t find a way out of this loneliness, shame and pain. There’s only one way, it seems.",2.6496503496503507,3.264724769230772,4.097489510489513,91.15546503496506,74.03496503496505,7.118601398601397,24.789510489510487,7.1686216300943375,0.7860998601398599,514,15,121,5,10,171,89,143,0.254,0.6809999999999999,0.065,-0.983,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,1,1,7,0,13,6,2,1,2,17,20,8,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,1,1,8,4,0,2,1,1,14,2,16,19,3,21,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,1,12,77,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478706403183633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137273796067473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168833093650297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731267058712319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434622438865412,0.11917203092868665,0.0,0.0,0.3049301422773868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888016478866796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731559450232645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553726074297234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149694627113753,0.0,0.2945998242187437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662988564257264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111010342599796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260751113317704,0.1268696448332794,0.17750197045698288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924293994899255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715126842085084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688247814363492,0.0,0.15186129734839127,0.0,0.0,0.17123228301563226,0.0,0.0,0.1669345775323195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254234477258406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108238799733545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727064691350663,0.19172827593708505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325582826628484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837221708577968,0.0,0.09839128194720784,0.26481854617334977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463834785299144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080284577475534,0.0,0.1214426561908342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742281529320953
suicidewatch,SaltyJay270,2018/04/13,"I’m so tired of fighting... Life hursts, it hurts every moment I’m alive. I just can’t fucking take it anymore, nobody cares there like 3 people in my life who will willing start a conversation with me, everyone else just tries to get out of it... 

Today I was talking to some body who I thought would be helpful and nice about my suicidal thoughts and cutting but instead they just made jokes about my wrists.

We live a cruel dark world and I’m tired of it I can’t take it anymore...",1.7744329896907232,4.062194742268041,2.6692886597938137,93.20187113402064,80.95876288659794,5.1171134020618565,24.13298969072165,6.2581,0.5540564948453608,378,14,79,3,10,119,67,97,0.172,0.7120000000000001,0.116,-0.831,0,0,0,0,2,2,14.0,1,0,1,0,8,9,4,0,2,0,7,7,2,1,0,15,19,5,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,10,4,10,11,1,6,0,1,0,1,8,3,1,1,4,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626428099220284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308646762974372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641063188198334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273367737279342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404485594284562,0.1747049570773288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902634661942967,0.09552280047308466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254923953344413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572672129856167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828099137362953,0.08932306591715634,0.0,0.16144506464282654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300119390101534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675351954905112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941027950300318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999898450069328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749356240048453,0.14695440000014787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29029827515789786,0.0,0.4202797334941651,0.1733044948130761,0.0,0.0,0.12413174083940184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987945904311787,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blues2008,2018/04/13,"It's been one year since I lost my friend I met one of my closest friends back in 2008. We worked together, and started partying together on the weekends. I was one of the few females his wife would allow to hang out, get trashed, and stay the night. We were always there for each other, and spent our time joking and laughing.

Four years later, he was getting a divorce. I was there for him, even though he relapsed. He got another place to live, found a new job, and his life was back in track. We hung out every weekend, and he finally got clean again. We were so proud!

In 2016, he became engaged to a wonderful woman. They moved in together and had a baby on the way. His life was so beautiful; his wedding was set for June 1, 2017. I took his fiance shopping for baby stuff in February, and she was due in May. She was having a boy, and they had just agreed on naming him Michael.

On April 12, 2017, I called to invite them for dinner. No answer. Strange, I thought, but I knew they were busy getting things ready for the baby. His little sister called me late that night, and she was crying so hard, she was almost incomprehensible. She was finally able to tell me that Dave was gone. His fiance found him hanging that morning.

My heart was broken, and it still is. I cannot imagine the pain of his fiance. That sweet, loving woman was about to have a baby, and she had lost the love of her life.

We spoke for about an hour this evening, and she's still heartbroken. Not a day goes by that she doesn't cry for Dave. Michael is a beautiful little boy, but he's never going to meet his dad. We have no idea what drove Dave to this point; life was finally looking up for him.

His sister and I covered the funeral expenses. We were in complete shock, and still are. This was the saddest day of our lives.

I miss my friend so much, and I still think about him every day. I just can't believe he left us so soon; I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I could have helped. His fiance and sister probably feel at least ten times worse.

Please talk to someone if you feel like all hope is lost! There are people who really do care, even on your worst days.",2.8632983682983664,4.605277794871796,3.525565268065268,91.01091200466202,75.24708624708624,6.444988344988345,22.87237762237762,7.1686216300943375,0.6596111888111884,1670,47,353,18,36,526,220,429,0.109,0.7290000000000001,0.162,0.9715,1,1,0,0,1,0,65.0,10,2,4,5,25,20,0,0,19,0,40,10,1,1,2,54,71,26,1,5,6,5,3,1,3,2,6,1,1,4,15,27,1,0,11,4,4,7,7,7,0,5,39,6,62,13,44,29,7,64,0,4,1,2,74,22,0,5,33,238,77,2,0.08141174092242133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152209863219351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774109020604331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536730877761467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252012070449566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917231532995541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626097972020926,0.0,0.08300469567851579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535866143396953,0.0,0.0,0.0650006505929027,0.0,0.17885394920486752,0.2100153514787049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613150612005325,0.0,0.13718580597346838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232844471898301,0.05816056398181279,0.0,0.267547748418163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785275436611077,0.18869552725832286,0.0,0.12760282345882062,0.0,0.046268168500517834,0.0,0.13022481263945926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292892897091494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647330497531888,0.05456857385445195,0.0,0.0,0.08086022818737157,0.08017416566220575,0.0,0.0,0.09190394603025036,0.0,0.0,0.08078859082780064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183598980632636,0.0,0.0884540947197498,0.0,0.28751760122360165,0.03977366434882063,0.16319190407201836,0.14377611753346892,0.0,0.06836535830394125,0.0,0.26661159679064456,0.0,0.14695454941813169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652779659057186,0.05984699693294835,0.0,0.06278975347399972,0.07862796669154233,0.0,0.15279880774623095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550010780434452,0.0,0.08662783229597654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056440650461453974,0.0,0.08505794165815489,0.08936564404585391,0.07696040977186468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777562623839827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052154445901670766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734463337674439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897990389248264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762364924882073,0.08677408364649379,0.2600620858579143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931969657678076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543567353150571,0.07115744993393065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408634317694983,0.052165356321066905,0.07998662210629309,0.06463182851269612,0.09494368165548342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904514396912386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792830036640067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462085053959687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361948426885536,0.0,0.08828756023800602,0.059268717000677415,0.0,0.08296551919955529,0.05783256493432981,0.0,0.0,0.10485298393053114
suicidewatch,LavaCouch,2018/04/13,"How do I tell people to let me do this? I need advice. So I've been planning my suicide for awhile now. I'm going to do it in 2 months. The thing is that I'm not doing this because I feel cheated out on life, I'm doing it because I've realized I don't belong here. Every single night I have server breakdowns where I can't do anything but cry and scream for 2 hours. My therapist implies that this is me being immature and I have to grow up but this isn't the case. Other reasons include 
•Being physically and mentally abused by my sister. She takes videos of my meltdowns and sends them to my peers to assure I'm a loser.
•I have a really bad back. My limbs and other body parts ache too, but it's my back that causes me stress and hours of squirming in my bed.
•I have little friends. The friends I have only talk to me in class. I haven't spent time out of school with someone for a year.
•Girls have no interest in me. When ever I try to talk to one I always mess things up. I get intimidated by guys so all my friends are girls. I just wish I had one person that really cared about me.
•I'm super awkward. I have no filter and can be rude sometimes. All I do is talk about video games and make sex jokes. Nobody likes that.
•I have more problems that I'm just not comfortable to say or that are similar to the other ones.
But here is why I need advice, I don't want people to feel like this is their fault because it's not, not even my sister. I need to do this to be happy. How do I convince the little amount of people that care about me to let me do this? How do I talk to my friends and family to get them to understand that I need this? Last time I did this the police came to my house and made things worse really. Thank you for reading this. It means a lot.",1.6093703793971912,3.288135911528152,3.2439190835973686,91.93722317003821,78.62466487935657,6.022552603785847,20.15021528962548,6.850034144686104,0.1972259159964249,1377,33,307,14,33,456,176,373,0.16399999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.142,-0.8264,0,0,0,0,1,1,34.0,0,1,3,3,20,26,2,2,10,0,40,3,1,7,4,49,66,21,1,7,11,2,2,2,4,0,1,2,1,3,30,14,0,0,6,5,1,4,11,10,0,3,6,4,48,16,41,55,7,29,0,1,0,1,22,12,0,2,15,216,78,3,0.0,0.1092059933989153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013427972058998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766925533137156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584778931301643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174558184745994,0.07695782885063551,0.16855733551667373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237973096604384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054175541314618,0.1879462532784984,0.09468364572182962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124406023760144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087720118762537,0.08337274801947538,0.07765692658993151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688936687459484,0.0,0.09320751432610706,0.0658460343694471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848402496486064,0.0,0.09630970224355002,0.0,0.05238215045935854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126246933010283,0.0,0.09811633312393617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815371277825357,0.10635143022749023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513058699948935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884994751290322,0.06510216736519404,0.09005889525178112,0.18475645675825705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835936182459573,0.0,0.08721317523076702,0.06152397389609615,0.0,0.0,0.1003997967440266,0.0,0.0,0.0928853540488032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356895538369124,0.0,0.0,0.2733705850916384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649499641728947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873696718284885,0.07009919130379401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998107763574581,0.0,0.19169654258928734,0.0804790052225534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819393136673573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219461760936752,0.0,0.17713876219123853,0.0947657769292162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329702512800519,0.0,0.09328063199262247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809506668343005,0.0,0.09115816553171843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055800515170524,0.0,0.0,0.10081866491015698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930012508247238,0.2963299743579377,0.08056035865568596,0.0848574535251237,0.0,0.10701609686836018,0.1837003100345183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748975762002144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257715927510356,0.0,0.0,0.09595188240709193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436406245880538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316879577971867,0.0,0.10599057775204236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392877329045922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059354248918458
suicidewatch,timetogetchewedout,2018/04/13,"Thinking about ending it all, because I love myself, but not my life I don’t have low self esteem.  I don’t hate the person who I am.  I just don’t want to continue this life anymore.  I hate my family.  I hate my “friends”.  I’ve always felt this way, ever since I was I child.  

I always thought that once I got older this feeling would go away, but it hasn’t.  I’m tired of being full of hatred, resentment, anguish, and every other negative emotion you can think of.  

To be honest, I really don’t give a fuck who I’d hurt if I actually go through with this, because I’m doing it for myself.  I honestly view this as doing a compassionate thing for myself.  The cruel thing to do would continue living a life that I don’t want to live anymore.",2.6278070175438586,3.990165815789478,4.798684210526319,83.21912280701757,75.05263157894737,7.435087719298244,24.508771929824558,8.07648339933343,1.4289850877192984,572,18,116,9,12,199,88,152,0.306,0.562,0.132,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,0,3,14,6,1,5,0,17,6,0,0,2,18,35,5,0,5,5,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,15,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,4,3,22,5,14,27,2,11,0,2,1,2,10,3,1,1,5,83,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.13559619753294114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123683788884186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756042425460397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054910150652113,0.0,0.0,0.16940656158365971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563012481572073,0.12306940256683599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256891952681857,0.11707226692118912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309906997101605,0.0,0.07025783452561556,0.0,0.13341481482927126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735324973922976,0.12845802248330346,0.0,0.1332945248968978,0.15793818709480095,0.0,0.11113186176153768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115562348252979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874999115826446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443574383926624,0.0,0.0,0.2453926758578197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540876304717624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797835156277728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132671217750875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901561161375518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449562670610746,0.0,0.0,0.11494175856526495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846258294805663,0.17806846636713994,0.0,0.11031162627285593,0.0,0.1597038110751672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391387891785675,0.11029288940444873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741370269860972,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fernsplat,2018/04/13,"When your family isn't enough. I am two years out from an abusive relationship which lasted 18 years. I have three young children. I work full time to support my family.  
I always was credited with being the rock of our family and friends. But I cannot do this anymore. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not even sure why I'm here. I've never threatened to take my life. I just know I am tired. So very tired. I've cycled through, began again so much. I'm exhausted. I can't.
Everyone says think of your children. How wonderful they are. How much you love them. But it isn't enough to keep me here any longer. And it's killing me to think that they aren't enough. That my thoughts are preventing me from being the person they need. That I will cause further damage to them beyond what they've already experienced. I should've left sooner. I should not have stayed until the point that I had to keep a diary just to remember what was really happening day by day. The first time. I should have. But I thought I could save him. I thought I could save us. I spent so much time trying to help, I lost. I have no joy. No empathy. No happiness. It's not a cry for help. It's not something I will dare speak of to anyone else. I just want peace. And if I'm dead, I will feel nothing. It won't matter what else happens. The thoughts of others reactions have no bearing. I won't be sad thinking of what I will miss. Because I will cease to exist.  ",0.33050581955018643,2.7368383208191145,1.9188395904436888,94.68662028528924,90.70648464163824,5.325947317756191,19.45821300428809,6.900799576094004,0.3411777194364229,1120,35,243,17,39,362,153,293,0.14,0.7,0.16,0.8078,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,2,3,5,3,14,15,1,0,8,0,32,5,0,3,2,45,61,14,2,7,12,0,1,0,1,9,4,2,0,3,16,5,0,3,11,1,2,0,17,6,0,3,10,5,43,9,25,37,7,22,0,4,1,1,21,6,0,2,15,164,59,2,0.0,0.11908272003163628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091044636686323,0.0,0.08362872375884862,0.0,0.0,0.06834726529072478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967456429986778,0.07027586350338685,0.10297988068515193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061267290588131185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324695306676514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049111214612105,0.0,0.11040069967680144,0.12963561525588832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791909095699967,0.0,0.0,0.3115475041820108,0.0,0.0663830114053758,0.0,0.0,0.0960374230579889,0.0,0.0,0.2842432496756065,0.0,0.050818659250668835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549002553409371,0.0,0.0,0.07765038952290526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775356841613044,0.10699009701096224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347335915293897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786680187171485,0.11119457283822397,0.0,0.05523525804510463,0.08192549125752971,0.0,0.0,0.10919964574170757,0.0,0.07099008880843287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439940436277417,0.0,0.10971375232321076,0.0,0.0907102423434176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164957601416188,0.07452364068160093,0.07751612695029927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643784909945907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775762711423776,0.0,0.0,0.09501029330355963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438647113355038,0.0,0.0,0.10790541829085744,0.11385327040631148,0.0,0.0,0.07992609975705553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737413337349561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712561384275536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405258186837598,0.0947253535427444,0.0,0.07556771507227003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319982127334687,0.0,0.31916092972683474,0.17581689861346833,0.2310328409880921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823671582851316,0.0,0.09817938268894102,0.0,0.12089588098752894,0.0,0.0,0.08292765891018601,0.059280816263593564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069068569365668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899405315192624,0.07316928538520688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944464285629562
suicidewatch,greendays343,2018/04/13,"I have no other option I’m 14 and had unprotected sex with one of my best friends ex boyfriends, she doesn’t know and I think I might be pregnant. Its like my worst nightmare coming true. I’m taking a test tomorrow and if it turns out I have no other option except suicide. I can’t talk about it to anyone because I know I would be judged.. it was such a mistake and I feel horrible. I can’t tell him because I know he wouldn’t know what to do. I can’t tell my parents either because I feel like I’ve already put them through enough and I know they wouldn’t be supportive. I really just have noone to go to and I feel so alone. I am not even remotely ready to have a kid and I don’t know what else to do. ",0.3134068627450972,2.2802510392156883,2.3302246732026157,95.38788602941177,84.359477124183,5.393627450980394,20.67361111111111,6.6274283507984215,0.16672581699346398,551,17,129,6,16,184,84,153,0.173,0.713,0.114,-0.8328,1,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,1,5,8,0,0,3,0,21,1,0,0,1,33,38,9,1,5,5,2,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,10,0,0,3,10,2,0,1,2,3,24,6,12,29,4,6,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,4,4,88,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662368358502367,0.17712345534820584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223021977682436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935307150301388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684421841041239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382625601119703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408299481030492,0.0,0.0,0.16584662747726595,0.0,0.10601335349104192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24347147137613945,0.114666226130817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400730275611176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121982162343123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292626663662078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683121613811174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027255228061827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876369076075834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782240183013074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613538578466088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282488817265492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556859633993774,0.1821414307998536,0.0,0.0,0.12068128156382707,0.12900943911981788,0.2805803687724854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284639856615886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458551499267755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401956092720693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadbwoy,2018/04/13,How do i kill myself with a belt Please dont talk me out please just help me,-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,0.3755555555555557,108.40000000000002,89.0,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.458533333333333,60,0,17,0,2,19,15,18,0.204,0.478,0.317,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016909362002329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297326605913481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791931139291489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7524553317765861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754829440489992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,science_love_fun,2018/04/13,I’ve told a bunch of people but It doesn’t matter. It’s all a big joke at this point. Everything will be better when I’m gone. ,-0.5177011494252888,1.2110376896551749,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,85.89655172413794,5.2459770114942526,13.114942528735632,6.42735559955562,-0.9632160919540232,99,1,25,1,3,34,26,29,0.0,0.7190000000000001,0.281,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491548355740321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564256592207176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520814253393067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480085373673725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852754426106883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoriokaaMorikoo,2018/04/13,"Just want to let it out before i go I’m 15 nearly 16. I’ve stolen 3-4 thousand dollars from my parents, and grandparents i’m worthless i know, i’m failing nearly every class. I’ve got no friends. My family knows i’m a theif. I texted a family member to get hold of another family member because i couldn’t reach them. I was concerned about that family member but the text i get back basically killed me inside. It said “what do you want from her”. I know they have the right to ask but it truly made me think this is what they think of me now. I guess i’m really meaning less. My parents said if they didn’t have me there lives would be so much less stressfull everyone would be happy. I had 1 thing holding me back from that i thought someone would show up and save me from this hole. I knew 1 person who liked me i think but its probally just in my head. Me knowing that i’ve not loved by my own parents why such an amazing person like me. A obese kid who has no friends and fails everyclass. So i’m deciding to end my life soon. sorry you had to read this i have no one who cares and i really just wanted to let it out. Ty :)...",0.21533613445378208,2.434259819327732,2.2023109243697507,94.41254201680674,87.36134453781513,5.248739495798318,19.004201680672267,6.7097532225279775,0.1099815126050414,879,25,196,11,28,292,132,238,0.113,0.721,0.166,0.9391,4,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,4,2,12,13,1,0,6,0,18,4,1,1,0,37,48,10,1,8,8,3,0,2,2,3,2,2,0,3,17,6,1,2,11,2,1,1,6,4,0,2,10,2,36,9,20,30,4,13,0,3,0,1,22,7,0,2,7,126,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463374354739833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220139694321866,0.0,0.0,0.1681238786337351,0.0,0.06664173149732365,0.0,0.09302504681108506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146115689822374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968269234051464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921085760198492,0.10446194208505144,0.0,0.0,0.4122365489093582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689239514126812,0.0,0.11423256005729199,0.0,0.06213026319141714,0.0,0.08743486229903433,0.0,0.12043060744099338,0.0,0.0,0.1163753978580276,0.0,0.0,0.1121960039729588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094869539538665,0.0,0.2403222470255823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235784880633588,0.07721742534929761,0.10681850240307884,0.0,0.09653340852355732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866745462836347,0.10344320504846054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908380510095508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036431506076147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740794776000751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641677313228118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909116648328572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935167431406384,0.0,0.1400690606734116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336046770835298,0.2079806845812764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262825226614796,0.0,0.0,0.12237712965188198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262873905647664,0.2101475435103295,0.0,0.08678952822589912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934430037197969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864618244560748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329778288304897,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xironitee,2018/04/13,"I’m scared I’m going to kill myself I’m only 17 and I feel like life is too heavy.
Life to me is dull, repetitive and too painful. When I was younger I used to literally slam my head against the wall(a form of self harm you could say) but now I don’t even have the effort to do that.
I feel like I’m not even a person but a ghost or a husk of the person I once was. Truth is I hate how the world is, the way it’s structured, how people are scared of expressing there feelings because of the risk of persecution - we’re forced to put on a mask of positivity to hide the true anguished face of our being. 
I do believe in God however so I’m not scared of death even if that means going to hell but I feel like death is the only option. Those brief feelings of “happiness” to me are fake and emptiness is my natural state with violent waves of hate. I would like help but I don’t think all the help in the world is going to save me. I wished the fakeness was real. 
One day the urge will become too strong and it will overcome me - just wanted to put this out there before it does.",1.3098872180451124,3.0850830964912284,2.9802506265664164,93.03342105263157,79.87719298245614,6.0972431077694225,20.06766917293233,7.07126945348624,0.21557744360902253,838,21,193,10,21,277,123,228,0.23,0.5720000000000001,0.198,-0.8106,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,1,0,2,14,24,5,5,16,0,22,5,2,3,3,35,42,14,4,5,9,0,5,4,0,3,3,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,6,4,15,0,1,3,6,21,9,26,34,2,18,1,1,0,0,9,6,1,3,8,121,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395616797807436,0.1339895353291749,0.10323525264953733,0.1366872447021879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686496281235783,0.0,0.0,0.07824202152382087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061688425246116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24039416931572924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30671776602857165,0.26001528365590804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684859522104174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914848217665487,0.0,0.2395587809636089,0.12451036805107728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263784528064507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342237338738624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713852492021884,0.2370852896343397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215415769724098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920292724187968,0.08221026323932136,0.18454020590558268,0.12909411947918498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410871980796714,0.2118656708960157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439222691960304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138089881772784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647934489549996,0.3643905181465233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265642834141259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777376111476224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478240872864536,0.0,0.0,0.07155828115429996,0.0962989789690574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395131860911706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618297202580298,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,S-c-i-s-s-o-r-s,2018/04/13,"Extreme suicidal thoughts I don’t want to go into the details of what has been giving me these thoughts (to the extreme) because it gives me anxiety and I can’t even play some games and be around some people because it reminds me of the person who caused this so if I’m being honest this is really affecting me.

So I guess I’ll say this, my name is Morgan I’m a 13 year old girl and I started self harming.

I don’t want people to say “you’re to young to know what depression is!” Or something like that because I’ve been going through it for YEARS

I am FULLY aware that self harm isn’t “good” but that doesn’t mean just because you say stop it means I’m going to magically stop

Ya I’m 13 but that doesn’t mean I should get judged for my problem! I’m saying all this because many many people seem to not understand how mental health works

But off to the topic I suppose. I started to self harm last month or maybe 2 by now? I can’t remember but not that long ago. It started out with just scratching my arm without stopping into cutting. I started to scratch myself with a way to help with my emotions (at the time I wasn’t actually as depressed as now I was with the said person who caused said problem and they made me happy, foolish thinking back on it.) then after said person decided he wanted me to hate him he did a lot that mentally just destroyed me. I wasn’t myself at all. I started to want to kill my self and I started to cut myself with scissors. Even just thinking about this all is already giving me anxiety, but if i also got into a relationship with someone who I’m not saying ANYTHING about but he is the only reason I try to not cut myself a lot. 

Even today I had a breakdown in school and I’ve had way to many over the past weeks that I know I’m definitely not ok.",2.3001689189189207,4.047295864864868,3.8766722972973007,87.8628462837838,76.83783783783784,6.138513513513514,25.616554054054056,6.9077264865688965,1.0590878378378386,1410,52,289,14,32,469,172,370,0.161,0.757,0.08199999999999999,-0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,2,1,1,17,19,6,0,14,1,25,2,1,6,3,75,67,23,2,9,20,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,0,8,24,17,0,3,14,2,0,3,15,13,0,0,15,10,41,6,46,49,7,42,0,2,0,0,33,11,0,10,27,193,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0705904741918229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412238314603609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982567480127138,0.057847870249148864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067520919580102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952718489889579,0.06439526353358788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556226854840402,0.0,0.2204798093709752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862004382288949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460749878705002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136938516665003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333371258591804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037793095256538616,0.20817671640150304,0.12333234695586175,0.06067284095518995,0.05785450449420796,0.0,0.07968735737932417,0.0,0.0,0.07700407825159758,0.0,0.07141780841816807,0.0,0.07689084502485499,0.0,0.0,0.048485964192484465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003016940072735,0.0,0.07950904338962553,0.058964307126004464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03534020277979979,0.0,0.0,0.06401596590285323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229966558588069,0.0,0.06844701545824397,0.0,0.2200150832066914,0.07267223609260345,0.2363885876724261,0.0,0.0,0.1457973579702903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057738700753300023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590550980518282,0.0,0.0,0.05501554573704509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905384859852033,0.15044809662281433,0.18948562645345265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843347332806835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463409324790512,0.07437448047526515,0.0,0.07766286325536459,0.08194371618028927,0.0,0.20642714703998785,0.28762641646201564,0.0,0.073208902703744,0.0,0.06585288514787327,0.3018530553242668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061290902691587726,0.05568855424377951,0.0,0.0,0.30720299213654423,0.0,0.0,0.18143090521762711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912493378810723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270125348768272,0.0,0.11485499076152662,0.04218028458402568,0.0,0.06856701487413355,0.0,0.0,0.04911207253838152,0.0,0.0,0.0753053648257598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066493972475294,0.1148354821845931,0.058024375575532486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973028361507225,0.0,0.05266219523886074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316530862417094
suicidewatch,Def1gotgame,2018/04/13,"Stopping it before it gets worse, I am determined to beat this demon Ok, unlike some of these post in this subreddit this isn't a cry for help or a pity party. In the last 6 months I've had a lot of shitty things happen and suffice it to say the most negative thoughts are winning and the demon is telling me I should end it all.
 
I have a mother, father, sister and brother I love a lot and friends that i'd lay someone out for at a moments notice. I am conscious enough to warn them and I am actively taking steps to not isolate myself so I don't destroy myself. I told my mom yesterday and my dad today, it didn't go so well but I know they love me, and I want to get better for them but mostly i don't want to wallow in a pit of misery for the rest of my wretched existence if this continues to get worse.

I wrote all that because I want to make it clear that i don't want to lose this battle, I've had a decent life and I want to have kids and to run my own business, and have more good times with my friends and family.

My question is this, how do i find a therapist? How does therapy work? I live in Minnesota but I don't have health insurance because my financial situation isn't good, in the coming months I have to pay Taxes and legal fees for a DWI i got recently and I have to get my license reinstated so i can keep my jobs.    

Finally how can I talk to my family about this in a positive manner? I don't want to cause a riff in the family because their crazy son can't control himself or their brother is too volatile to get through a conversation at dinner. Specifically I mean until I am able to get into therapy how can I control my temper and ease my mood swings, I had a fight with my dad today and i don't want this to become a repeated event or a theme.

All help is greatly appreciated and please be thorough with responses I want to have some action that i can take in the coming months.   
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suicidewatch,Hwchit,2018/04/14,"Considering my options I don't know. I am afraid I might impulsively do it. Soon. My grand plan is in 2032 when my youngest is 18. On my birthday. It may seem odd to post here 14 years in advance. But lately life is getting to me. I am not like everyone. I react to shit. I feel unloved. I have it ""made"", girl at home, couple of kids, banking over 100kUSD a year. I feel shitty to feel sorry for myself. But I do. Noone likes me. I am just here. Fuck this shit",-1.5817830882352943,0.21299326041666689,0.7477696078431357,99.75948529411768,105.97916666666666,3.5088235294117656,17.105392156862745,5.5289334501034215,-0.633103431372549,347,11,82,3,17,115,66,96,0.223,0.72,0.056,-0.9443,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,3,1,1,0,12,4,2,2,0,14,20,3,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,17,3,11,17,0,13,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,4,8,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441925146764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107734648850798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33507774589884354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421648777420887,0.11541000089702888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157853812998649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213996724352846,0.0,0.24918237806896296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560266726817495,0.2158390471504041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901887135238528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343376933821085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155906290300575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010970914765998,0.0,0.0,0.4534969038535796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472770396779345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28450192499190163
suicidewatch,Howshouldikillme,2018/04/14,"I'm stuck, and I don't know what to do. I have an absolutely amazing, caring and loving girlfriend and family, but I think about killing myself pretty much daily. I know I'd already be dead without them, because I feel like the only reason I haven't killed myself yet, is because it would crush them. And they have there own issues, I fully believe it would be the tipping point that leads to my sister's own suicide. I want to believe I'll get through this, and I'll thank them for it, but I'm worried it will actually lead to my resenting them for keeping me here to suffer day in and day out. I don't know what to do, and I wish no one loved me, so I cutoff disappear without anyone caring.",5.522112676056337,5.09934075352113,6.456443661971832,80.38776408450707,67.52112676056338,8.508450704225353,31.13028169014085,7.6454224807358475,1.9994901408450705,545,19,109,5,8,182,84,142,0.213,0.5720000000000001,0.215,-0.1604,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,5,2,5,11,3,0,3,0,13,2,0,3,0,25,30,10,4,4,4,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,4,0,1,1,1,22,7,14,24,3,9,0,1,0,2,9,3,0,0,4,78,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.14480020746742406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374410860368144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375270321835167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090555421141244,0.0,0.0,0.334353204506366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30257230580103023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138926006258744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988209728172066,0.0,0.0750268016405815,0.10600470134137424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752388826730436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487309122235934,0.0,0.13188944963783925,0.328327164976625,0.0,0.2446419175567992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249234054654675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678425389185803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907843049869946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054802486240699,0.11285180511764413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026970672993144,0.0,0.0,0.1509586512867555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256223061819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623066987371409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661094557418238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507770624284634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752001938819066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063289607640034,0.28607144660304323,0.0,0.0,0.15068993518133555,0.0,0.2108137663722216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Talks-Like-Thunder,2018/04/14,Why am I like this? Why is it that the first thought when I wake up is either the utter disappointment of not being dead or just simply killing myself even though I have a relatively good life. There are many others in horrible situations and are fine meanwhile I want to die.,4.834811320754717,6.484063000000003,5.3850471698113225,80.0541745283019,69.9433962264151,8.318867924528304,26.45754716981132,8.841846274778883,1.9224754716981136,221,7,42,4,4,71,46,53,0.229,0.591,0.181,-0.7317,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,0,7,9,4,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,5,3,4,7,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29480242999640505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876144943866358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161555157138745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382503914838331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142628380352736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063521277942406,0.13877407114698684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28798541423751833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192877573115889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790808784837299,0.2255065535254536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754196796231047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512627757667975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mono_chr0me,2018/04/14,"Trans. I want to get high tonight and then finally kill myself. I'm a 17 year old trans guy, so transitioning to male. I've always had a lot of issues with friendships, and I've always felt lonely because of it. Even in elementary school, I struggled. I only had 3 years of high school because the summer before my would-be senior year, I graduated early. Any friends I had pretty much vanished at that point. I came out to my parents that summer, and they resent me for it. I started on testosterone about a month ago and that's great, but that only helps with the physical gender-related issues.

I just feel lonely. I don't have friends. And when I say that, I mean no one. I mean, I have a few online friends I talk to sometimes, but that's it. I want to hang out with people. I'd been talking to this really cute, amazing guy for about a month and a half now and I fell really hard. I just get so much hate from my parents and our society in general that when someone showed romantic interest in me I latched on. We hung out once about two weeks ago and it was really, really nice but we haven't hung out since and it seems like he's losing interest in me. He's too nice to say so, but I can tell. I'm really good at reading people. Its my fault, too. I'm obnoxious, and he's gay and I hardly look/sound like a guy. I keep asking him to hang out because I just crave being around someone who doesn't dislike me, and it ruined it.

So now I feel more alone than before, and I feel hopeless. I texted him earlier asking if he wanted to come over and smoke tonight, but he hasn't responded and I'm telling myself he's just sleeping. He works like 4/5 AM - 11/1, so he sleeps during the day a lot. I don't expect him to come, or even reply to the text. But if he doesn't come, I want to kill myself tonight.

Now, obviously I'm not going to tell him that. That'd be manipulative and awful of me. But I need someone with me tonight and I don't have anyone else.

Its not his fault, either. I've felt like this for a long time, but seeing him drift away like that made me realize how shit I am. I don't see how anyone could love, or even like me. I'm trans, I've got a shit personality, I'm bipolar... I just feel hopeless.

So, plan is to get high as fuck tonight with the weed I bought today, and take my stash of pills. I've been saving up leftover SSRIs/SNRIs for about a year now whenever I switched dosages/meds. Parents are out of town until tomorrow so I have plenty of time to die. I just wish I didn't always fuck everything up.

Edit: Changed up my mix. Got a handful of aspirin, handful of benadryl, a good mix of celexa, Zoloft, pristiq, Prozac, hand full of motion sickness medicine and some nyquil. ",2.2744619623450184,3.9061833021582766,3.7311709781111295,89.38208250420941,76.58992805755395,6.602418490739324,23.520434716056943,7.378060373470096,0.8598469003520592,2100,65,453,26,47,693,245,556,0.142,0.693,0.165,0.888,4,5,1,0,0,4,86.0,3,0,1,3,31,37,8,1,18,1,28,17,7,4,1,88,73,46,3,10,21,3,11,6,3,0,6,2,0,5,22,38,0,1,10,2,1,10,12,17,0,3,14,15,64,20,63,55,9,71,0,6,2,4,43,26,4,8,41,268,86,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035896262117896,0.0,0.0,0.0703125052110672,0.0,0.0,0.1694672002822261,0.0,0.0,0.04616683190162142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493910146372583,0.06956027897557486,0.0,0.060435582212910885,0.1269340570196139,0.0,0.06378392800979067,0.0,0.0,0.12415346950394646,0.0,0.11553703715743605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764690306668025,0.0,0.0,0.07181753517682841,0.17544102536564066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420382340564363,0.0,0.0,0.043782773403766725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704580391206156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567125283821482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452008572571095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610142343991509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730682502726527,0.0,0.1303681273376625,0.07436905515844756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573525640689776,0.12552452929667718,0.10640756432026603,0.0,0.03858286973789868,0.11388410471294015,0.10859403225900943,0.07484783604868966,0.0,0.2016622801036556,0.0,0.0,0.1216303760360769,0.06702630900595423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550454978103703,0.2151852924984808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171690631150416,0.0,0.06034284145257333,0.15021818739224782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900274771657875,0.0,0.0,0.0600796076910663,0.05700964182310812,0.07595039916102407,0.0,0.11543355984855724,0.06127245168055346,0.06423819086938687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790199506955173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837666638083257,0.0,0.09981241798419252,0.05033881571427276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712380604801983,0.07229954411150201,0.04600332732680458,0.10326525135331163,0.0,0.0,0.22614802221399785,0.0,0.0,0.09413133630531226,0.05927803551224173,0.0,0.0,0.06417702626742026,0.0,0.0,0.06906749543276228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790734802912418,0.0,0.2174570830974135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797607764818526,0.0,0.1374145368862846,0.10819744900413604,0.06180357429915359,0.0,0.0,0.13937411717867734,0.05615846274728579,0.0,0.1358760098295159,0.0,0.17256632795309204,0.0,0.0671439334852227,0.0,0.04805216685343251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709722983141697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051044061296254384,0.10913317513527657,0.17801387286279766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917321606773864,0.0,0.06435081149032297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631766519882124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017070867668698,0.0,0.05445644179433843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806897233103302,0.0,0.0,0.04942398330601576,0.0,0.0,0.048226380939302586,0.0,0.0,0.17487309965927822
suicidewatch,negativehollow,2018/04/14,"Here's the thing. I'm in love with someone who strung me along for months only to choose someone else. And when I tell people this, they say that I shouldn't throw my life away over one person. But it isn't just one person. This is just the latest in a repeated cycle of abandonment starting with my mother and continuing on throughout the 25 years I've been on this Earth. Family, friends, lovers, they always leave in the end, and apparently the majority has accepted this as normal. I can't and won't, but I also don't want to live on this sorry excuse for a planet without someone PERMANENT by my side. I can't see any othet solution but suicide. Nothing interests me, and I have no hope for the future despite searching for a psychotherapist and having a psychiatric nurse to talk toi n the mean time. My experience with the psych ward is awful and I refuse to go back. Everyone else has others to carry them through if someone as meaningless as me disappeared. I doubt I could ever be happy in society as it is anyway. I guess I'm just waiting for the right moment to end it. I wouldn't even be writing this if I hadn't beemn drinking for several hours.",5.237236842105261,6.055745442982455,6.174842105263162,77.86489473684213,68.25438596491227,9.237894736842106,29.673684210526318,9.3871,2.590124210526316,923,33,173,18,15,306,138,228,0.14300000000000002,0.764,0.093,-0.898,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,3,0,10,9,0,1,13,1,19,4,0,0,1,36,30,18,1,8,9,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,2,13,11,1,3,3,1,0,3,10,2,0,2,2,2,22,7,33,22,1,29,0,1,1,2,16,11,0,5,15,125,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833670389923784,0.11272334255644585,0.0,0.0,0.09212543073572214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728016196649358,0.1041694081633638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816316331622833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271073346803616,0.0,0.0,0.22633851577473202,0.0,0.2399755082350227,0.0,0.0,0.08947780855958443,0.12254194740952548,0.0,0.1294490559107516,0.0,0.13251735960270405,0.12771070258481046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466513255746968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769917134707989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923739808802403,0.0,0.0,0.14421218946603848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345540081128531,0.13341237810949494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344501521744535,0.0,0.0,0.09568769842692698,0.0,0.0,0.11962403098965173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222685371899314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756844298402644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813225275357484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327335447247029,0.12998879106169473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359831812974994,0.10303236511039793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391904908414828,0.23657740112510975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156921282814436,0.0,0.10773256743813396,0.0,0.0,0.10795343955215483,0.0,0.0,0.1530445090444351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591390727449115,0.0,0.0,0.15164952500697104,0.09588759693518814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818409884286274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888705541154158,0.1184082745044164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000140639922705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899466275393972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990474394869307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305899258914741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723936084964531
suicidewatch,throwawwayysdafdksaf,2018/04/14,"The suicide hotline hung up on me. I feel so sad. I ran out of my Zoloft so I haven't been able to take it for two days since its the weekend. the withdrawl is making me feel like shit. I have been doing fantastic for months now but today was awful. I just feel like such shit. I can't find a psychiatrist to resubscribe my medications. Every phyciatrist I call says they only offer counsiling. maybe I sound like a drug seeker to them when I call. I'm not. I just want my prescriptions redone. I was diagnoised years ago. I take zoloft which i ran out of two days ago. xanax which i ran out of two months ago. but my panic attacks have come back so I'm trying to get that repruscribed. the only meds I have enough of are my adderall and my thyroid medicine. I feel so guilty that I havn't gone outside today even though I didn't even want to. I told myself I'd stay home and enjoy today. I still like shit for not going outside and enjoying the weather. does anyone have advice for calling phyciatrists. my insurances website is almost zero help
",1.676992753623189,4.231380570048309,2.9940398550724647,88.95888586956524,83.87922705314008,5.575603864734299,20.702294685990342,6.996647511020387,0.6026555555555557,826,25,162,11,24,267,116,207,0.16699999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.116,-0.9082,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,0,14,12,4,1,7,1,15,9,3,1,0,22,34,11,1,2,6,0,4,4,0,0,6,2,1,0,6,7,0,0,5,1,0,6,5,6,0,4,10,6,32,6,18,24,1,28,0,1,0,0,9,5,3,1,20,104,38,0,0.10572789172908216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331607214902427,0.28116419028564665,0.0,0.10587121120435763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739274001929021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028074021585827,0.0,0.08129822254638673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238799956270472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107521693727932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363714870300138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252319053980912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261078802166835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924517500309504,0.0,0.13966455068712713,0.0,0.08908030878833069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138367953036885,0.15106405395337594,0.0,0.0,0.09663337761812324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055238459670640366,0.0,0.06008759736985843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086717717769604,0.0,0.10605369592963762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066132295069409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057418871969648,0.0,0.10621787803638584,0.0,0.11743985306397445,0.1065097277787006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878198895045712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082165188246975,0.0,0.12404890059721226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407906310981005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255844845278196,0.08745920460018332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269186503958073,0.08443443090913043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564915322039587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898843316359024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387711681399636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006530367638311,0.1010275314163991,0.0,0.0717822983229614,0.0,0.3098423620673532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472209971406108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808529584843495
suicidewatch,Monday_123,2018/04/14,"Endless suffering I'm in pain all the time, which I take large quantities of opioids (prescription) to help, they make about a 30% reduction in pain. I'm not able to have a life. I know the drugs will catch up soon. I'm barely able to get out of bed because of the pain. I'm out of distractions in life. I used to think keep your head down and you'll get through it. However it's been almost half a decade, been passed around by doctors because nobody wants to take me as they don't have the answers, they can't diagnose the pain and I require high doses of medication so they don't want to be involved. I've either scared off everyone one I know because they can't understand. I'm tired and this is only endless suffering. ",3.6112059369202214,4.9046010544217715,4.552430426716144,86.22601113172544,72.46938775510205,8.33865182436611,28.32962275819419,8.841846274778883,2.079059863945578,573,22,120,11,11,186,89,147,0.17600000000000002,0.79,0.035,-0.9622,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,5,1,4,8,0,2,8,0,12,13,1,2,1,21,30,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,1,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,0,2,5,8,0,2,2,0,13,0,24,25,2,14,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,1,2,70,17,2,0.28185717126903354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111962142095055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545631980994826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577262732528833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303954789561193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442463790524134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343241747129536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134663302935639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725873876233436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446333867589541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944614603037267,0.14889878823913227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252638021893297,0.0,0.0,0.15490133012762822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990840555741604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407092523944187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197072358760424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549685688641184,0.10718253986033507,0.5998318052768151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109409941069234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192151523654695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030134722771764,0.0,0.0,0.08217659160115122,0.16197667775443675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146711627759045,0.0,0.12171704962728885,0.0,0.0,0.16624666228197366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,broombraised,2018/04/14,"Meds. Therapy. Fucking 7 rounds of ECT. Nothing works. Sure my meds have stabilized my bipolar disorder, but nothing else. Can never find the energy to do anything except sit around and fantasize about what it would like to be happy. Going back to a time before the insomnia, before the betrayal, before the cyclothymic unipolar hypomania, before the xanax, before the drugs, before all the mistakes, before the nervous breakdown and full manifestation of my bipolarity, before the memories, before the guilt, before the isolation, before the slow tick tock to my impending death.  

I cared about all my friends so much, but I was so fucked from my mental health issues they quickly grew to resent me. And left. There was an amazing girl I fell madly in love with and we were like two peas in a pod, before I ruined it. I started getting better until I found out the only friend I had left had been lying to me for years.  

No matter how much I desperately want to make amends with people, I know I never can. And I'm too afraid of going out into the world again because of how spectacularly I fucked everything up before.  

What's the fucking point",6.044322169059013,7.676972124401917,6.4995023923445,73.28118341307815,66.99043062200957,8.635534290271133,29.244338118022327,9.029198982220553,2.637524146730464,910,32,146,16,15,295,130,209,0.239,0.609,0.152,-0.9762,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,1,2,12,21,6,3,18,0,12,11,0,3,5,30,27,12,1,3,3,0,1,2,2,1,6,0,0,1,4,12,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,11,0,1,7,1,21,10,26,18,5,27,0,1,1,5,6,12,4,0,12,106,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608384332234708,0.06581374454461499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568479265780578,0.0,0.0450672954964093,0.0,0.8178214060032488,0.0,0.0,0.06538544520573022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537698648339627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847306619551033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573581139681878,0.0,0.06175937616142565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644389098766931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757106101170178,0.0,0.0,0.08106088538398384,0.11423691227233687,0.27338991377995525,0.03862559108041822,0.0,0.08403271846649807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870030273734044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858457524047398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716414675033904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063022327645385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065122695985906,0.0,0.0,0.07223733393657086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672508702439092,0.0,0.04934912686872283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424005187836516,0.0,0.0745044708741007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869472484685748,0.0,0.11403938922290355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418764564478849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622741292505012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125404186076984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988813969752285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052328329078815725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967854230426349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454587398347027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431094201980286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221927408284502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043606074924704925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053822223474576616,0.0,0.0,0.05251804647581431,0.0,0.0,0.04760876410586664
suicidewatch,LeHommeBurglar,2018/04/14,"I’m not meant to survive When I talk about being suicidal, people dismiss me with “you’re so young! things will get better for you!” But then I hear stories about people who live to be 40, 50, 60 and are still miserable. Why should I spend decades just hoping things might get better when I know they won’t? 

I’ve also heard it said that people who die young weren’t meant to survive. If I’m not meant to live, why fight to keep suffering? Everything in my life is awful and on a downward trend, so it’s not unreasonable to want this pain to end. And don’t give me that BS about “suicide doesn’t end the pain, it just gives it to others.” No one cares for me now, and although they’ll pretend when I die, within a month they’ll have forgotten me. 

Honestly, the only thing keeping me from walking into the woods and blowing my brains out right now is knowing that someone would have to cover my shift at work. But I’ve asked for a week off next month, which will be plenty of time for me to die and be replaced without incident.",4.821249999999999,5.134413624999997,5.116346153846155,86.87865384615385,69.0,7.938461538461539,27.538461538461537,7.61054688173877,1.3683730769230773,806,24,170,8,13,255,126,208,0.208,0.728,0.063,-0.9866,1,1,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,1,3,5,14,10,1,1,6,1,20,4,1,0,0,30,40,17,5,5,9,0,0,0,0,8,3,3,0,0,15,9,0,2,5,1,1,1,9,5,0,1,6,3,18,5,28,22,0,26,0,2,0,0,14,9,0,3,16,112,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611479202809796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236013079613492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125941259652312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417024315109516,0.0,0.0,0.12254030318911333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742104212429737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290287811690176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108017777395318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255871815171536,0.23059174251181344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546130419757227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937441366447978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365832676958876,0.0,0.0,0.1321050392492075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489277320551879,0.0,0.0,0.21225749808350972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275011273128219,0.0,0.0,0.1918668117244184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278219556098845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814429160599265,0.09140885764772301,0.2557783206694468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249970957541652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264042054852666,0.11432689582318115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018354235003668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598278322846288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629336749140853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660305610890864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954392593512036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700829479636593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089035913285785,0.0,0.09640805732315802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169030618688288,0.0,0.0,0.11585753596212242,0.0,0.08749874319185785,0.0,0.0,0.08537854374775028,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jaymez82,2018/04/14,"Looking for the courage to end it. I've been battling depression since early childhood. Started with the shrinks in preschool. Managed to keep it at Bay for a good while. Only those close to me could see it. At some point in my early to mid 20s, it kicked me in the ass again. I sat on my bed with a knife to my neck and realized it wasn't sharp enough.

I battled dark thoughts into my thirties, but, I was able to keep the worst of them at Bay. Last fall, I finally went to my doctor for help. The meds did nothing but make me sleep. I didn't give a shit about anything when I was awake because I was mentally numb.

I'm tired of looking for reasons not to end it. The goal in life shouldn't be to live for as long as possible. It should be to make the best of what you have, regardless of length. Quality, not quantity. I can't see the quality in mine.

Objectively, it's not a bad life. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a dog by my side. It's a chemical thing for me. It's not situational. My brain is broken and I'm tired of denying it.

I've started looking at firearm prices the other night. I find it amusing that they seemed to be too expensive for a one time use device when I wouldn't have to pay any more bills once I'm gone. Maybe that means I'm not 100% there yet. Maybe it means I need to choose another method. I had a friend who just walked into the ocean one day. I wish I knew where to find a good cliff.",1.3973269980506835,3.040571164473686,2.813611111111112,94.94435185185186,79.13157894736842,6.345808966861599,22.772417153996106,7.2427474758485975,0.5521863060428851,1110,35,264,14,27,361,164,304,0.095,0.78,0.125,0.8481,0,0,1,1,0,0,37.0,0,1,2,2,9,13,3,0,20,0,20,13,6,4,0,39,47,10,0,7,8,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,20,8,1,2,10,1,4,4,10,7,0,2,13,6,32,6,46,27,5,41,0,1,5,1,7,19,2,2,18,164,52,4,0.11165899834112264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593194782216807,0.11708419548808098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188584167150247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323059961536086,0.06806628900739528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717922994625245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464836999656945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915062439999905,0.0,0.0,0.07201081661156533,0.0,0.09617173165567587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114287716199016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779346076733625,0.11537359361806822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231697483397933,0.2041086032209444,0.0,0.135018504012071,0.0,0.08626746513623013,0.0,0.0,0.10711348568697733,0.0,0.1873085403664788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459434591979313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484267291738514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849529629332166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910169865760004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577361053544456,0.0,0.0,0.09859694122289253,0.09881469982812822,0.28129630970762176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906649687806225,0.0,0.22435294364618527,0.2432587663010365,0.1240279754376773,0.0,0.11252600785116222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279373244391176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478440595515573,0.0,0.10713982036814562,0.0,0.0,0.11891318907781286,0.15132605406706987,0.08492169978559158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555384481014213,0.12587874355682604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480404707458686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795553027725106,0.1016501584710646,0.0,0.0,0.11461635721424047,0.09236547728002777,0.125509392464059,0.11173963713434756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806562746311412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418127698346748,0.0,0.0,0.08864477225170513,0.06510925987058723,0.2566711857818217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643752387940714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350901012585556,0.0,0.0,0.12840233755268984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Weak_Kaleidoscope,2018/04/14,"Invisible I'm feeling incredibly depressed, and to be honest, kind of suicidal. I'm lonely and I'm tired of exhausting myself trying to speak to anyone. No-one replies. I wait weeks for a reply from anyone, and I'm fed up of it. I'm fed up of the fact that so-called friends read, but don't reply, to messages. I'm fed up of having to go to so much effort to elicit some kind of response from them.",1.2582142857142848,3.150808154761908,3.8169047619047625,86.39892857142858,80.54761904761905,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.8157190476190475,311,10,65,4,8,109,51,84,0.13,0.8029999999999999,0.067,-0.6183,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,1,7,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,1,9,15,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,2,3,4,19,11,2,5,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,36,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824053147183305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552215739206145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826457915653395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126685723382452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540798488065308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5695123674796351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010172759357016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735240843277444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991100100825676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31429064640402304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565465787901908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934516381283636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Demogorgon_,2018/04/14,"The only thing that keeps me from ending it all is the pain I'll put my mom through if I do it I literally have nothing to excite me. I haven't been out in the fresh air for already 5 months now because i'm recovering from a fracture. I have the brittle bones disease, and I fracture my legs easily. I don't have friends to come by. I also have OCD and ADHD, so, learning anything is very hard. My GF broke up with me. I feel like I can't stand up for me, or for anyone I love (well, I don't just feel like it, it's true). 
So, that's that... I also forgot to mention that I'm 20 years old.
People keep telling me to ""look at Hawking and see how he could do all these things yet be paralyzed on a wheelchair"" 
This actually angers me bacause there's a lot of difference between me and that person. 
Anyway, I just feel like ending it all. I don't fear death. I just want to stop existing. This idea has been around for a long time, and it's only reasonable. It's not like I'll lose anything.
But then, I can't do this to my mom. She's gone through a lot to give me a good life. 
I don't know, but I think probably some day I'll just stop caring, and I'll do it. 
Oh, and the GF I was talking about, I've never even seen her. We'd been chatting online for a long time. My stupid self was emotionally connected to someone online. She made me want to live so I can go and see her one day. She helped me a lot actually. I felt like I could beat anything with her.
But then we broke up, and I don't have anything to fight for, again.
Sorry for writing so long, I just had to put these thoughts somewhere. You can ignore me. Thanks",0.7401405990743157,2.498660282420751,2.6913125491223475,94.49583879137195,81.62247838616716,5.589345908654266,21.46616016068466,6.574015621080383,0.2020958693563885,1246,38,294,12,33,417,168,347,0.097,0.799,0.105,-0.1241,0,0,0,0,1,0,50.0,2,1,0,2,21,22,3,1,13,0,32,5,2,3,5,58,58,23,1,5,11,2,5,5,3,0,2,0,0,2,20,15,0,6,10,1,0,5,10,9,1,1,12,9,49,13,36,42,7,35,0,3,4,1,26,9,0,6,25,194,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.18296396084838668,0.0,0.11266374463869105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345037206682847,0.14993631348426142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554895832530977,0.0,0.3085778825528241,0.08345327475747234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714632132940649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557967574880748,0.0,0.0,0.08075335510125847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496961360160549,0.0,0.0,0.12091604596896333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794398277219006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054509490999624,0.16606118580428975,0.0,0.0,0.06191794780166358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548962965545784,0.1422014619803144,0.2009151820137908,0.09001027831583347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242745792139127,0.0,0.0,0.08992912293361166,0.053277667084023914,0.07862918774932726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839774584650643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283556071675768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105827137727593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666504248986085,0.0,0.0,0.051520016221669115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662151433057773,0.2289963182640847,0.0,0.08277889932574184,0.24888516786188564,0.07872251956021614,0.10487711538535624,0.0,0.23909694174047705,0.08460887705436551,0.08870415732340946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958694204210025,0.0748266781390118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230222613713899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995123270592477,0.0,0.09837002005704806,0.0,0.06352430430200445,0.14259519108672256,0.09975170746652827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499125171244785,0.0818548610528566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107338899245083,0.0,0.0,0.1884800248034334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638587705769958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494058815879299,0.0,0.0977968897868528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943016709275026,0.0,0.0,0.10494029217619807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567506920207589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534899570946749,0.08193760529089511,0.08630816258712518,0.0,0.0,0.1245605468710762,0.060068262424569065,0.0,0.07442337041053636,0.10932738482863832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734976686067066,0.1105869230497714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428836648418801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036895939110736
suicidewatch,ineedhelpsbu,2018/04/14,"I feel one whole grade will take away everything I've ever worked for. I want to die. This account only has one other post. I will be ending my second semester in college with one A-,B-, C, and one A. I was trying to transfer to a better school but fear I will get rejected. This may not seem like such a big problem compared to other posts, but the thought of not being able to transfer is eating me up.",3.5540650406504035,4.693211073170737,4.705853658536586,85.66577235772358,72.41463414634146,6.930081300813008,25.861788617886177,7.1686216300943375,1.1873837398373983,316,10,63,3,6,104,62,82,0.199,0.7659999999999999,0.035,-0.9461,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,0,1,13,15,3,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,5,2,1,7,2,11,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,48,11,6,0.1911212341693436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956469082840798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903120032043056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983536669163304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556473602365576,0.0,0.0,0.1692766856863194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728800982033246,0.0,0.0,0.1717674417030859,0.0,0.0,0.21506452330646772,0.0966366385465734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985295661544304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337218110871147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180347781182583,0.14535631083843698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660826230909675,0.0,0.0,0.18287720961358908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342489245509495,0.0,0.17398959357621532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369938276428051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172891148143836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297587724736851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272825569350935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338003261731686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913853471819512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Punk_Panda,2018/04/14,I'm done I've tried. And I've failed. I'm a monster that hurts people I love. I can't change the things I've done but I can prevent it from happening again.,-1.7374999999999972,0.17934247222222233,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,96.5,3.9911111111111115,15.533333333333335,5.6839178017228535,-0.9594933333333332,123,3,32,1,5,41,25,36,0.14,0.735,0.125,-0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,6,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444239733414597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6663695366755962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287912247589675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34854366942285725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938516507455666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257184738127671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216303085386167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210496970314815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kdvanessa1995,2018/04/14,"I tried to kill myself yesterday night I tried to overdose .I was really sick, threw up, and had a high fever with hallucinations all night. But I survived and I don't know how to feel about it. I feel like something should change in my life but I don't know what to do",2.000714285714288,3.8169105000000014,3.1065714285714314,92.73842857142859,77.92857142857143,6.622857142857143,20.128571428571426,7.554174236665415,0.3310328571428567,212,5,49,3,5,68,39,56,0.099,0.826,0.075,-0.3064,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,1,12,11,5,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,9,1,8,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899886251074822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772123640103509,0.1958354428849795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28962883489546115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30327945341454016,0.0,0.30130461301384465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936230769373498,0.13392396221167166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144967678896175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561193207769255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103534353315914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37222668968535816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hmiwtfd782341,2018/04/14,"My BDD is so bad i can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do, it’s making me want to die. I’ve suffered from BDD for a year now, it started when I lost quite a bit of weight and ever since I have been obsessed over how my body looks. I hate my legs, my hips and my thighs so much. I pinch at them until they’re sore and will spend hours every week just staring at them, trying so hard to convince myself I’m skinny. I hate it. People tell me I am slim and that what I’m seeing isn’t right, but I can’t see myself any other way. I just want to be like the others girls my age, they’re all so thin and tall and look like models, and I’m just here all chubby and short and sad. I’m so jealous of my friends, they’re all so much thinner and taller than me yet talk about how they need to lose weight to fit in their prom dress. It makes me feel ashamed of myself — I feel bad enough because I know I stress my mum out a lot with my condition. She gets nervous and I know she really wants me to like my body. I feel awful that I despise it. Whenever I think about it, all I want to do is curl up and die. I stopped self harming when I was 13; I was bullied when I first went into secondary school, luckily I’ve grown out of that. I was happy for so long and I’ve fallen back flat again. I’m repulsed by myself. I don’t know who else to vent to, I’m sorry if this was tedious or didn’t make sense. ",1.2356739811912227,2.2110883291536076,2.9249579937304087,96.81902319749216,77.93416927899688,5.6055673981191205,19.65655172413793,5.414198509911553,-0.4336283134796237,1103,22,276,4,25,366,166,319,0.234,0.6729999999999999,0.093,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,4,4,23,21,4,4,4,1,20,9,6,5,5,50,54,30,2,6,6,1,7,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,17,18,3,1,8,0,1,4,7,15,0,1,8,12,49,6,31,44,9,36,0,4,5,0,14,14,0,3,20,168,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501110054826235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939280061899223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481764359083963,0.1841999338223467,0.06724083070591545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204243596569677,0.2450477092499109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289580999697872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214557277581124,0.0,0.0,0.11397442683503345,0.0,0.0,0.09977707854506172,0.09293661835545726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732038403724314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382527411936803,0.0,0.0,0.08522127624768085,0.0,0.057629746851821866,0.0,0.06268880497403984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742159529602635,0.09881150590977301,0.21780646395396067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862808704213413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24248270811753056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166817716838516,0.0,0.0,0.09761634722993527,0.1852566355051708,0.1234029452202491,0.12041080608034735,0.0937772639770402,0.0,0.0,0.22088809071284848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217355649033613,0.08178967045150758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647151473796591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732281700165817,0.0,0.12555110163680247,0.0706641302999136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419976436318377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163442690993906,0.1757974154174026,0.0,0.1150720458770629,0.0,0.0,0.09124533614845147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347728176193215,0.07807436141785838,0.0,0.0,0.09221981835407504,0.12635386674009846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865888383534334,0.19282265306474186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067891284212083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488977255086204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602427032254609,0.08755487904579641,0.08847992081501811,0.2686432537493792,0.0,0.10225372835668108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103272588468283
suicidewatch,oneofmany185,2018/04/14,"Info request about getting help Hello everyone, first time here, hope last one too.  
  
Long story short i've had suicidal thoughts for years but i've never attempted to kill myself. I'm always mildly depressed and to be honest i'm a bit optimistic about my future, in these last months.  
Anyways, i'm not here to talk about myself and i hope this subreddit fits my request.  
  
Everytime someone says he wants to die, usually there's someone who answers: ""get some help"". I guess they refers to therapists and antidepressants, and my question is: do they really work?  
I've never tried any of those so i wonder if some of you can tell me your experience. When you are depressed and you get a pill, do you really feel better? Do you feel happy? Or are you just a bit high so you won't feel any pain?  
Also, talking to a therapist, does it really help? What can a therapist can say that you guys in this subreddit aren't already saying to all the depressed dudes who pass by?  
  
This help you are talking about is really expensive and i wonder if can really fix someone's suicidal thoughts.  
  
Thanks for the responses.",3.1950000000000003,5.739847166666667,4.380476190476192,81.46785714285716,77.33333333333334,8.0,25.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.325428571428572,875,33,157,21,21,286,119,210,0.113,0.7040000000000001,0.183,0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,10,2,4,14,11,1,0,7,0,16,2,0,0,3,32,34,14,4,5,6,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,10,6,0,0,11,0,1,1,5,5,0,2,3,6,22,6,18,29,5,18,0,3,0,0,31,5,0,11,12,101,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559455797312066,0.0765220000188213,0.07962043620275429,0.0,0.0,0.13014282249254294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462863711111676,0.2089339570818756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472489043276804,0.0,0.0993094793464145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373758677339697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914343920602574,0.0,0.09360164218623238,0.0,0.0,0.14514883050631028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139252661127609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997976019565112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054115896854506,0.09474658624651328,0.0,0.10186210921921994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565517407551892,0.10110007614814684,0.0,0.1900803964078634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586506638900567,0.0,0.0,0.15599767775624498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468124622263125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637758902966267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476016268842766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484095416289992,0.0,0.10181923222265137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719293689037544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065022809622216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828583197055935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432294794978173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093352152376556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073219757547006,0.08363590230955227,0.08809704688130385,0.0,0.33330491469702644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193184411736532,0.05579669093833565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496616037064352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538728291781467,0.0,0.05643951309089824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075400332662456,0.06966231406105335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162020933170996
suicidewatch,throwaway242351,2018/04/14,"I've put off my dissertation for so long that I can't possibly catch up, I've thrown away years of my life and I'll have nothing to show for it. I feel like I can't possibly do enough work to catch up and I'm gonna fail university, these past few years have been for nothing and it's pretty much all I had going for me. ",2.254999999999999,2.7240022777777817,4.120444444444445,91.169,74.83333333333333,7.982222222222222,22.73333333333333,8.238735603445708,0.781846666666667,252,6,64,4,5,86,48,72,0.093,0.8690000000000001,0.038,-0.5615,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,5,11,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,11,8,4,12,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,37,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547202630669984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369690281370051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596095104797792,0.16384019729362606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033893305969446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619892837510849,0.11204370397850673,0.0,0.0,0.20295825630115708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685909336778696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440114905174224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189305199847828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170916946994862,0.0,0.2333207385807544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054955932286705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696190033108427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953742604589539
suicidewatch,BauxitePrincess,2018/04/14,"I have no Self Worth No pride No confidence and only one thing drives me to get up from bed. Everyday I feel like committing suicide. I search up ways to painlessly do so and people notice and get worried. I say it's a, ""joke."" because I don't need anyone to be worried. I'm venting here so I can get help without worrying people around me. Because let's face it, I'm just a random person on the internet, who watches anime in bed, plays video games without improvement. Why would you care? I'm just venting here about my emotions and want to commit suicide. I've started cutting myself but unable to continue as people have taken my knifes and scissors. People think I'm always joking, I'm lying, looking for attention. I do want attention because I never felt like I ever got it from anyone, and when I did get attention It was always negative. Kill yourself, You ruined are school, You jew you know that? It's all I ever heard from people. I was discriminated for who I am, my likes and dislikes. Why do people care and I don't want to hear Look at this, and that. Who would you hurt? because I have no one to hurt and nothing to look at. Sure I have many material possessions but I don't really need them. I want to find someone who cares. Which I did but now he can't deal with me anymore. ""You so Fucking dramatic."" I question myself why do people care if I die Why do they stop me. I'm just a worthless bag of meat with eyes and emotions I never asked for.",1.8753811149032984,4.167424143344714,3.7241194539249136,85.75801080773608,80.60409556313994,6.2274857792946525,24.44243458475541,7.42949916751922,1.3176794994311725,1146,43,221,17,30,385,149,293,0.199,0.652,0.149,-0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,6,2,1,14,19,3,0,4,0,24,3,2,0,8,50,58,20,4,9,9,0,2,3,0,2,0,3,2,2,14,14,0,1,9,5,1,1,13,7,0,2,8,10,39,12,29,46,1,19,1,4,5,1,23,7,1,3,13,147,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687192765758838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156677001010455,0.11501781293765552,0.0,0.0,0.07321712953433393,0.07688969771468647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005476536826344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33542456041359703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479288591097674,0.0,0.0,0.0853592401717149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503326135992249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148793960332198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158647615304074,0.05875716261452376,0.07896986937929287,0.0,0.07517212644711845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603588304050231,0.17188232792668784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578031546509175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269817201162256,0.0,0.055128326620273366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609389762255806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099394828334616,0.0,0.045200715157977404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410297156823238,0.0,0.12054496228664145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071999066061836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338539183734306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196998707723225,0.1268676746859382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891806613871681,0.09363857834072556,0.0,0.0,0.1114651816881962,0.06255243192739324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991372461224966,0.07181477278320085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213528965165584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268943505900537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654059924162324,0.0,0.08323819824932746,0.0,0.0,0.08580139687014311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968748500121567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821474032497353,0.0,0.0,0.06876204532197079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992939879926792,0.0,0.07751667820992042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054641149323564835,0.05270045739515143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940452808657109,0.06528371741084317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968599403064753,0.0,0.0,0.15856604749346634,0.0,0.0,0.2505769908442533,0.0,0.11685159804585195,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DBandJ,2018/04/14,"I’m getting nowhere in life so why keep trying. I’m 18 years old, I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD.  In the last year, if that, I’ve had 3 jobs and I’ve quit them all. Today I quit my 3rd job, and I’m starting to finally realize that I’m useless. I’m useless at everything that I try to do. I can’t hold a job because I give up way to easily or I make one tiny mistake and quit. I’ll never be able to hold a job and make ends meet, so why try. Why even live anymore if I know I won’t amount to anything. Please just give me some kind of reason or motivation to go on because I can’t see it.",-0.2832433983926492,1.293953947761196,2.783731343283584,93.46373708381172,84.14925373134328,6.212629161882894,22.247990815155,7.321109707123232,0.6503864523536174,455,16,113,7,13,163,82,134,0.109,0.8340000000000001,0.057,-0.743,5,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,4,4,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,4,2,23,22,11,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,12,1,12,19,3,16,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,5,9,55,16,5,0.1226459230447094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739656578480298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382379543254908,0.0,0.1216317997177298,0.0,0.0,0.10092714455589966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952763265950708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563475380357668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862788457902248,0.0,0.0,0.08100647546978193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022624737781447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343526138101218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640774327670636,0.2353062900041688,0.06970250444271403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868286161819747,0.10901333164190533,0.0,0.1277168555879387,0.06740299183738897,0.09997279661472967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866284425173315,0.0,0.0,0.10829859702595138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637342119870876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945920967334033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869626497051193,0.0,0.08310805155653157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346283936236296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913471078293621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261004355395994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977329216454475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680941558614688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625399443501265,0.0,0.0,0.24980559317259135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735062501507492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33200660758451084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795990667250798
suicidewatch,justathroway123,2018/04/14,"I feel like I will never at over this even by trying hard I’m a man, 5’3-4 tall. I can‘t even grasp how amazing it must be to live life not being discouraged ecery single day bc of your height. I get up every morning and I hate myself. actually I dont really hate myself as a person but I truly hate the way I am, my height and the situation around it.


—



so I get up and go to the train only to be towered over by a fucking school class. these people were like what, 13 years old? at this point my day is basically ruined. I cant help it, it‘s this void that just pulls my down and drags my mood to absolute zero. then I arrive at work and I‘m by far the shortest (person!) I can find. in conferences having to stand next to other people is literal torture for me. in these situations I really want to sink into the ground. it‘s just not fun or enjoyable anymore, in fact it never was. so then when work is completed I go hime. that‘s it, my life for the last 6 years. I don‘t enjoy going outside anymore, I hate this insanely strong feeling if inadequacy. I am not just a short guy, I am THE short guy.


—


believe it or not but I have not seen a man my age my height or shorter in 2018. it‘s absolutely insane and I have said it numerous times, I would have no issue with being normal short. I am not though, I feel like a freak. and I look like a freak with my small frame and my tiny arms and my slim shoulders. I hate it.


—




and I know what other people think of it. I know what women think of it, if it‘s closely related to what I think about fat women, as in, being friends is a no brainer, why not if they are nice people but sexual attraction? oh god, no. if it‘s just related to that then I am fucked. I sometimes try to comfort myself in thinking that maybe it‘s not like that, maybe other people don‘t see being short the way I see it. but that is evidently wishful thinking and I know that very well based in personal experience.



—




I feel so pathetic seeing other people enjoying their lives to the fullest, having families, people who went to school with me outperforming me in every way possible. feeling comfortable in their skins. but it‘s not just that, it‘s that they dont have a reason to feel uncomfortable.



—



when I walk around I feel like an outcast. I feel like other people are not even playing the same game, it‘s lile a swimming race between michael phelps and my grandmother. hell, in these meetings I feel like a different species.


—



and when I compare myself to other people, to other men, it‘s so perfectly clear why no one who is not desperate would not want to date ne. there are people just as funny, just as successful but without being so incredibly short. it really hurts, seriously.



—


my youth, my childhood, everything I have done has been influenced by my height in some way. from the age of 15 when I first got rejected for it in a rather brutal way, which totally opened my eyes to double that age. college was terrible and I look back at it with lots of grief, I was anxious as fuck with good reason.


—


I don‘t have a true friend who I could share this with. I feel so pathetic and it‘s a mixture of my own failure to get my life in order and the fact that I am so short. even if I did get it in order(the best years are completely wasted at this point) I am still 5‘4. and every morning I am reminded of it, from getting up to getting to work to being at work feeling emasculated and unable to attract anyone. I am serious this is my life and this is why I have so much time for reddit. I am not proud of it, I dont mean to discourage anyone, especially young ones(which I have been accused if) but I cannot help it.

-


fun fact I am also balding aggressively these days(even thiigh medication helps) and I have a small dick. do I feel like a sexual being? no, not at all. like really not at all and how could I. it‘s a fucking joke, seriously I am so mad and frustrated to be locked up in this body. it‘s like god gave everyone in life a sports car and I got a rosty bike. I honestly very deeply hate my life and have no idea where I‘m heading at, like an airplane with a passed out pilot. genetics is the worst about our existence",2.181123188405799,4.355735481884061,3.809301932367152,86.18627173913046,78.84299516908213,7.038550724637682,22.91038647342995,8.07648339933343,1.2960514009661832,3241,104,656,60,80,1078,333,828,0.195,0.6509999999999999,0.154,-0.9939,2,1,0,0,0,0,98.0,1,1,4,10,38,67,16,0,35,0,73,20,9,5,12,131,130,65,1,16,40,0,14,12,2,4,8,1,0,10,70,37,1,2,26,6,0,9,33,29,1,3,14,22,94,37,94,100,12,101,1,6,7,5,29,56,6,11,41,481,164,9,0.0,0.0,0.04757066109736558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898346713677989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507095355556891,0.09668911265722437,0.0681709614794043,0.0,0.0,0.08679146281147107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037483923302404194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549218929191409,0.0511576368063042,0.0,0.0,0.05414763456093896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222193839514383,0.0,0.0,0.0778420419079781,0.0,0.0,0.06287638524386209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093090452761862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049885756752347306,0.17139560006915402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098677012999754,0.0,0.1232159581522613,0.04658045551835798,0.04381123224037545,0.04768454223907028,0.04595493307476428,0.0,0.2957792353881521,0.2089519266761728,0.0,0.0,0.04455445643997025,0.04146471453372553,0.0,0.0,0.07532460576271112,0.1802656170002542,0.15281176789240314,0.0,0.0831132152964009,0.04088720451219242,0.07797587586028114,0.0,0.0,0.09653564805819424,0.0,0.0,0.04366830711289658,0.28876919154942904,0.050029138536835466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802353916671368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521853528813511,0.05503014779960092,0.0,0.050879867263295867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037127814835703,0.03973582984454665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206591382943844,0.2857875930933653,0.0,0.08609011190134676,0.0,0.08187147417152774,0.0,0.0,0.04144349714997652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979471055812638,0.05310046678957567,0.0,0.04910811506043442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03583512165515053,0.0,0.07519436462145775,0.0,0.05184366423453501,0.0,0.047762333470440406,0.0,0.0,0.05115244406140272,0.0,0.03303265995537418,0.03707477405849119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379547311033957,0.12769366719856048,0.0,0.0,0.0921645458633421,0.054955635460889635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491593627244445,0.10024137804676524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637016521733861,0.0,0.0,0.09867042089464348,0.11653666425917696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958877129336468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821265877416878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892992531877508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561775849876061,0.04789430515912031,0.0,0.05685027748884437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619289033712752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044381042533925,0.05750523779445725,0.1934680233947431,0.0,0.0,0.04382997938913729,0.04518954723142838,0.13196147865187902,0.0,0.056057375975366364,0.04699098182938735,0.0,0.14195543923071366,0.0,0.0,0.06925784437849163,0.0,0.0,0.09417563856877936
suicidewatch,AboutAGir1,2018/04/14,"I practiced suicide to see if I could go through with it...Turns out I can I'm slowly removing obstacles preventing me from killing myself. I still have to write a note which is basically all that keeps me from impulsively doing it a couple times a week.

I thought I would chicken out or it would be too uncomfortable but it wasn't. I passed out and woke up in my bed. Why am I doing this? I know every step I take brings me closer and I know I don't want to do that to my family but I still keep taking the steps. It's like I'm compelled to do it and have no control. Like light being sucked into a black hole. 

I'm going to feel so ashamed when I tell my therapist",1.3966939443535191,3.1975487021276625,3.3690780141843994,90.22615384615385,79.70921985815603,6.60796508456083,22.193671576650306,7.61054688173877,0.7947180578286965,521,16,117,8,13,176,90,141,0.175,0.767,0.058,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,5,0,16,0,0,2,1,27,34,9,2,5,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,4,4,0,0,7,3,3,0,0,3,4,21,2,16,26,1,19,0,0,2,0,2,7,1,2,7,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369806972520752,0.15212446232706048,0.2108202613803046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605316007013705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796168063920755,0.0,0.09633880794160778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656768637843854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387075573087342,0.21079565566598032,0.0,0.2094230345654956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616882288565767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518294994777066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043185308295109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084113081639904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865130129869668,0.0,0.16653354563417036,0.0,0.0,0.22122257582774546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126128849519888,0.11110086123329542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724432685933036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238083130980897,0.0,0.15283344250852354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719256800545936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270697224270255,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PasLagardere,2018/04/14,"I feel so suffocated I feel like I can’t breath anymore and everything is going to hell. I saw a shrink for 1,5 years and felt so happy and relieved afterwards but it’s all back. I can’t even think.


It feels like everything was in colour, but now it’s all grey again. Whatever I do it’s never enough, for nobody. They only care about themselves.  

I just wish I could go away for awhile and not come back.",0.7087951807228947,3.0912437951807274,2.1482048192771117,94.44423493975908,86.95180722891567,5.729638554216868,17.938554216867473,7.1686216300943375,0.170711807228916,317,8,70,5,10,102,57,83,0.034,0.732,0.234,0.9401,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,3,19,17,8,0,2,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,7,9,5,7,13,3,12,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,9,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523342327928312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443125229643132,0.3182552279515911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109937992429492,0.0,0.0,0.17826443813440224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522841400417065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382907881770616,0.0,0.1366849484019369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719769030315586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31391220451490875,0.29568250953329045,0.19869925738903652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522275640278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029636167239816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220534470180865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960842372483308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573906841880937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326017357099105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379760627706757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326552950177775
suicidewatch,uhmmokayy,2018/04/14,"I put myself out there and applied for a new job. I want it so bad, and if I don't get it then I know it'll send me back into my depression. I have anxiety and troubles talking to people. I've been unemployed for two years but I'm a mom and really need a job. My anxiety has kept me from turning in applications, answering phone calls from employers, returning phone calls, or showing up to interviews. 
Finally, I turned in an application. She seemed to like me and told me to come in the next day for an interview. I pulled myself out of bed to go to the interview because this job field is one that I've been dreaming of for years. This lady is interviewing me and I might finally have a chance to start what I really want. 
Well, I went to the interview and it went great. She was laid back and sarcastic, much like me. We talked for an hour. She said she wanted to go home and pray about it and talk to her husband about it but that she would let me know. 
That was Friday. Today is Saturday. Right now I'm scared of two things happening. 1) my anxiety kicking in and I don't answer her calls or return them if she does call and want to hire me 
Or 2) she doesn't want to hire me. It didn't go as well as I thought and she doesn't like me 

And I'm terrified and aware that either or those things will probably throw me back into my recent depression slump. It's been bad lately. Like going for a drive and wanting to drive off the highway bad. Drive into water bad. Constantly thinking about how I would kill myself and what would happen after. 
I pulled myself out of this long enough to turn in that application and go to an interview but I don't know how long my ""good days"" will last. 

I'm just hoping my mind can hold out and be good for awhile. Maybe this could be my turn around ",2.0932414307004485,3.9745282595628453,3.5660556383507216,89.24985842026827,77.87978142076503,7.496472925981124,21.746646795827125,8.391295532112219,1.1257114754098358,1397,39,304,28,33,460,168,366,0.134,0.7559999999999999,0.11,-0.9241,6,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,0,1,0,15,19,1,1,13,0,29,1,0,2,0,66,66,34,1,14,11,2,0,4,0,7,0,1,2,0,22,29,1,2,8,2,0,16,6,9,2,3,12,1,49,10,49,43,3,58,1,2,0,0,32,16,0,9,30,207,71,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572936403740053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816424858529528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663466312261691,0.2557336884204005,0.04667685077851351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127494037952344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595896670580846,0.0,0.08274583572116273,0.0,0.061135555538777024,0.0,0.0,0.0987636667264685,0.0,0.1319006407743342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670076256698154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911810812113364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677591437777527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040005084202050914,0.0,0.21758475947852693,0.1284479132875512,0.0,0.08441958057954102,0.0,0.0,0.1354226163530613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680675856823131,0.07605208449662812,0.07540681689964614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795412060037865,0.0,0.08471424856440099,0.0,0.126243932418165,0.06241542417945481,0.08637520092570053,0.0,0.0,0.07829883385486595,0.0,0.14963450633791034,0.0,0.0,0.13552550214982406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692566338643399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122952155446159,0.07731468310500546,0.0896787989862694,0.0,0.0,0.05628835052341425,0.05677628016801042,0.0,0.07395255863941706,0.08143391762232996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188635775209121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308455360764769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255627634340107,0.0,0.0,0.07697480597017248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810643416433372,0.0,0.07560443035022664,0.0,0.0,0.0653910473501132,0.07283636815021224,0.0,0.0766607316452316,0.0,0.0,0.06970718321444895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419720844121735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846341329007921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017404781959155,0.04906347874177888,0.0,0.060788664506722365,0.0,0.0,0.07258016801490788,0.07316668359575089,0.0,0.0,0.3331481830335781,0.14959709663368212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709806607932752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769269528544695,0.14196380294366492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318110449245393,0.0,0.0,0.09861817326473657
suicidewatch,ks788,2018/04/14,I need someone to talk to There’s are too many bad things going on in my life that is causing me to want to kill myself and I have no one to talk to.,11.545714285714284,2.6733555714285733,11.208571428571426,77.04142857142858,64.71428571428572,14.0,40.714285714285715,3.1291,2.821857142857142,115,2,31,0,1,39,28,35,0.262,0.705,0.033,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,8,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650123736693025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32605308745268946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038344166491535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35115160985371835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418615704390166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32178969189014905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353450868108232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507572058839308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689285716961512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102217088684937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086377623135727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720836397914128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thenepenthe,2018/04/14,"struggling with suicidal ideation for over 20 years. i can't take it anymore. i've fucked up the relationships i had and the ones i didn't personally fuck up are just done and over with me. there is nothing i've got to offer and i've known that and people's response to me has turned into barely a puff of smoke. i have been miserable and when i'm not, i know i'm just fooling myself. 

it's too hard to find a reason to survive when you have no one to fucking turn to for comfort. and strangers who don't know me? everything they're saying is a guess at best because they don't know me. the people that ***know me*** leave. 

i've also lashed out too many times and apologies don't cut it. i can't cure my fucking self. 3 years of consistent therapy and medication trials is showing me that i am barely improving and when i fuck up, there's no mercy anymore. 

so why not just give in? i don't have pills or a gun or anywhere to hang myself. i'll keep looking. maybe i'll empty my account to get the gun. drive up to my last favorite spot and just be done. 

i'm tired. i've tried. i have tried really really hard. it's been 20 fucking years of wanting to be dead. i am 32 with nothing to show for. so why the hell not. ",-0.1805353142318112,2.066272486381326,1.9562221436151401,94.90851314703457,90.67315175097276,4.827213771960853,19.85013559721731,6.42735559955562,0.12238625162127105,947,31,212,11,33,316,128,257,0.172,0.7440000000000001,0.085,-0.9674,0,0,1,2,0,3,31.0,0,1,1,2,14,13,8,2,9,0,25,9,0,1,0,34,48,18,2,1,9,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,15,0,1,7,2,1,2,12,11,0,2,7,4,24,2,30,39,1,20,1,1,1,6,10,10,7,3,8,130,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266684329470904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050352190659322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301483450442466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848291996081584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115716399269924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092904416568587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448046926357093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5733965167733021,0.05400779440519258,0.09916419232174667,0.0,0.0,0.08267632388741396,0.0,0.1138763148353416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520267006426336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188210807608016,0.0,0.0,0.2272429944989756,0.08426227475916842,0.0,0.10945640920935504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680675197382604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048033536215192,0.10385143527443416,0.0,0.0,0.10413678285606702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837714521498173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400955802395512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333076480245385,0.09026076224392386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244596860271735,0.10628400831514803,0.0,0.1109832344544111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220585406057887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783992182878784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806724090438488,0.0,0.1130725897771825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772315396103209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821530887125893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027725758642233,0.11881132738365276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403661011865343,0.2248788989527804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097169942196229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865549625328351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970524244107832
suicidewatch,LastEasterEgg,2018/04/14,"I made up my mind, but I don't understand why people don't understand I've seen a lot of blogs and articles about suicide, especially about debating whether or not it's a right. The ""best"" are the answers provided by Quora users who fancy themselves as gurus. Their advice is shallow, meaningless, and all fluff but no value. Let me make it very clear that *I* know my situation far, far better than *you* ever will. Do not pretend to understand, because you do not. Do not pretend that my problem is temporary, because it's not. Do not tell me to just wait it out because it won't get better.

Someone tell me why I should have to continue living? Is it because *you* don't want to feel the guilt? Or is it because your fairy tale religious beliefs dictate that suicide is wrong and that's that, or because life is this precious gift that you can't explain how it's so? If you're a mental health professional, why can you not understand that locking up someone in a hospital ward and treating them like a prisoner isn't helpful? Why do you feel obligated to interfere with someone's right to decide their fate?

Like I said in my title, I made up my mind. I don't have immediate plans but I do have a method in mind. And when the time comes, I will act. But until that time comes, I just want to know why someone should feel they have a right to interfere with anyone's choice to end their suffering. I guarantee none of you know what pain they're going through, so don't delude yourselves into thinking it will magically go away.",3.610535117056859,5.520057906354519,4.7024936454849495,82.65011505016723,73.61538461538461,7.860923076923077,29.35130434782609,8.608573733854374,2.3425046421404683,1210,52,231,23,25,396,147,299,0.151,0.737,0.111,-0.9436,0,0,1,0,0,2,38.0,0,8,5,4,9,12,0,1,11,0,32,3,0,4,3,63,57,20,2,6,18,0,3,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,20,11,0,3,15,3,0,5,17,5,0,0,4,5,32,7,29,46,4,26,1,1,1,0,19,14,0,5,9,157,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767941397999901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273865228469913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430072792057143,0.0,0.0,0.3281775889199113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416212174937014,0.15871108248020765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458237006230094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947078992815493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811624938861002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610480327212193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046878241423014604,0.0,0.10198694579205547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537476546515823,0.0,0.0,0.06014158722947376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793353545262833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917511288827819,0.06337627565682681,0.08767138794026784,0.0,0.07922988730856065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628201511987877,0.0,0.1698022188209757,0.05989294192418911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904229158709417,0.0,0.2717936821606169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547501363009596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622048564448389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585586520036204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987707930572734,0.0853501728249375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085601944398308,0.0,0.0,0.30409890631158604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962918212187026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684932480159586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749293239563143,0.0,0.0,0.1046401492441568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736325959847812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740335201558861,0.10584568679217984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40481974262194936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810152520110113,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thruthefield1900,2018/04/14,"My game plan 1. Work 

2. Save up $600 for Nembutal and anti-emetics

3. Order the Nembutal to a P.O. box 

4. Send emails and Facebook messages to the appropriate people

5. Ingest around 2/3am on a Friday or Saturday night 

6. Fin 

I live in a New England sober house in my own room, so it’s very unlikely anyone will be able to interfere. I’ll set up the emails and Facebook messages to be sent around noon so as to ensure I’m dead and not merely in a coma where my family could alert my housemates. ",1.1228342245989325,3.3749029411764724,3.4126381461675592,87.11141711229948,83.31372549019608,6.454188948306596,22.01782531194296,7.686295010490155,1.1237333333333337,388,13,79,7,11,133,75,102,0.043,0.875,0.08199999999999999,0.4522,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,6,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,15,1,1,18,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,4,42,6,1,0.2910990241092017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035432060465908,0.0,0.0,0.5182796960684629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23241888380802386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744222527804597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358891901189013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704577146977625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811452514375005,0.0,0.2731767145377885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181141053197812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24018718124614594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192355652414308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dj_thrives,2018/04/14,"What do I do? Man, my mental state has really been deteriorating rapidly these last few days. I've tried everything, called the hotlines, I see a therapit, talked to my support people. But everything has failed. I understand that people would hurt if I died and I really am fighting as hard as I can, but what do I do?
I've been depressed for most of my life. No one would be shocked if I did it, I know they'd be upset but I'm tired of being guilted into life. I wanna be alive because I have something to live for, not because I'm too guilted. 
I guess what I'm asking is, what the hell do I do? Where do I go from here? Am I too messed up to live? Would it be better to just do it already? If you have any suggestions please tell me, I'm out of solutions. 
-Sincerely, Tired",1.1247903726708088,3.134812577639753,3.3592197204968954,88.90106560559008,81.6086956521739,6.509472049689442,22.484860248447205,7.6454224807358475,0.9598102484472042,599,20,131,10,16,205,93,161,0.236,0.6829999999999999,0.08,-0.9806,0,0,1,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,1,2,5,13,2,3,3,0,28,4,0,0,0,19,39,9,1,7,8,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,0,1,3,2,21,3,16,27,2,8,1,3,1,0,9,4,1,5,2,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939889426346125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439008718694844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350840997176162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871529981191819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357645490906469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674790502149852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899937562631617,0.0,0.1322154342197034,0.0,0.15931612683529553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759245538937912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724161849452056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910536942457247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751220341525602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433251790972087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843634837267521,0.12512876907114098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685319898606684,0.0,0.0,0.2710991509062621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469904443769172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402037897614967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284497980877046,0.0,0.0,0.1685046907417192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668114903211475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232527844899062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817725982914935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419802993569186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338318656602383,0.13417196533529194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528676430755198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422123964126168,0.0,0.0,0.15980629747695013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271411034891464,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gtimmons,2018/04/14,"I'm a sex offender, and I can't find anywhere to live in Florida for my job, and the end is coming soon. It's been 18 years since my crime for having porn on my computer. The past 2 years I've traveled from state to state working and living in my RV. Then I get to Flordia....  I get an RV spot, register, get kicked out, get an RV spot, register, get kicked out, and if this keeps up a I'll don't know what to do. I've been having thoughts running all through my head with no answers.

Even though I can program computers, weld flat, horizonal, vertical, overhead, and I can create music, do surveying, operate a skid steer, operate a forklift, and many other tasks... to the public I'm worthless.

I've then called RV Parks, been honest with them about my past and you know how well that goes. Worthless.

I'm just totally worthless.  Nobody in Flordia believes that I'm reformed. I'm getting tired of trying so hard.

I thought about wearing a shirt that says ""sex offender"" with a bullseye on it and maybe someone will kill me.

My job starts soon and if I can't find a place... I'm might just go to hell early.

I still have hope for a few more days, but after that... I will have no hope.

I could have went to a sex offender support group, but I want to hear what non-sex offenders have to say.
",2.47561128526646,4.143301118773948,3.685094043887152,89.77271943573669,76.1264367816092,7.04430512016719,26.42302333681644,7.84624498591911,1.4404007662835243,996,38,213,15,22,324,142,261,0.125,0.8109999999999999,0.064,-0.9097,2,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,1,1,1,12,14,6,0,14,0,21,8,3,1,2,37,47,18,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,10,15,0,1,7,1,0,5,5,9,1,0,6,4,21,5,29,37,4,30,1,3,0,4,8,9,1,5,14,126,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557017547580264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193310043325446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129896170249666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315995223090722,0.0,0.0,0.08332675684274599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144375830324776,0.0,0.0,0.08533890997387357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23618268407988904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40502675134695104,0.0,0.0734303735237712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574260811648353,0.0,0.1326019568632213,0.0,0.145623811043884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666011650967396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25643273089048785,0.11484364479492673,0.14294656780599246,0.0,0.14201575414860246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818136866952266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099393743405194,0.12980413264163373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706644994797956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24668223808266515,0.0,0.0,0.1349920826680561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054985481173227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687999425826472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947526717860356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145220624188588,0.0,0.10318355320085762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662069120240276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694359272302086,0.20514921869701785,0.0,0.14850253401199576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772194610819815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620865843827733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617111959653358,0.1197746466939144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406302796674827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640800845649875
suicidewatch,Breathingroom95,2018/04/14,"I’m breaking I’ve had suicide attempts before, my last one landed me in the hospital my grandma saved my life. I’m trying so hard to be happy.

I finished a nursing program but I haven’t been able to find a job.

I’ve gained so much weight with my binge eating and my family loves to bring it up. I don’t drink and I don’t abuse laxatives and other stuff to help me lose weight.

But I’m slipping through the cracks, I can’t even get up because I’m so sad and just want to lay in bed.

I can’t stand myself.",1.4974774774774782,2.7240214504504543,3.35873873873874,92.9490990990991,77.73873873873873,6.014414414414415,23.144144144144143,6.42735559955562,0.4019981981981986,395,12,92,3,9,133,70,111,0.162,0.688,0.15,-0.5139,1,0,1,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,0,8,6,0,0,0,11,16,9,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,3,14,3,11,13,1,10,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,53,17,2,0.20086344161816336,0.23799033288448496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224444896633712,0.0,0.17091999452553194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196769703274923,0.0,0.20553344638855425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326684088005616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893561763690926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358554669093785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494285791266728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138228686430549,0.17993419008916184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463453089702274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932597206853825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637305138052325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187578905259862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247148122921846,0.0,0.0,0.18128709829274148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476577412331566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611026642719531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299405844954289,0.219712003674479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637309183614146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184744620587146,0.0,0.0,0.4891951179293872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,harlet_of_saints,2018/04/14,"It's all just a circle. Remember that time I USED to be suicidal? Well hello darkness my old friend... Whenever I try to find a grey area and settle there, some situations drags me away. Life swings between these extremes. And we survive by finding the spot in between that's right for us. It takes strength to stay there. Consistent effort. I will be honest I tried. And I learnt that I need much more strength just to keep myself on track. ",2.226785714285711,4.9662852499999985,2.7169523809523817,90.54471428571428,83.40476190476191,5.740952380952384,23.87619047619048,7.1686216300943375,1.0803133333333332,347,13,67,5,10,107,64,84,0.094,0.757,0.149,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,14,7,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,5,11,4,4,8,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,2,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189309376751314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122611251373277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424411160811856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004616485856068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929868521468324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579068350760962,0.1672278226052916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366560589813379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554818086234424,0.1926016011242701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535054502162498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403852386213618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466934883319128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957068032658176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315085023733707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062404709531472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712851218027561,0.19478572423008292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277877973954345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,proximuse,2018/04/14,"im too fucking weak to exist i swear to god i wasnt meant for this planet

i just called the suicide hotline. no hygiene for nearly a decade because of my depression has turned my teeth into rot but i dont have dental insurance, or any insurance for that matter. the anxiety wont go away. the pain wont go away and i have the worst pain tolerance so im sitting here, sobbing, scared of everything, alone. ive had 3 panic attacks in the last 24 hours and i can never fall asleep anymore. im terrified of getting a job. im terrified of social situations. 

iwalked to the store to get some orajel for my teeth. did nothing, just numbed all the wrong places and sent me into the third panic attack. nothing works. nothing works. im going to die like this. i would rather die than go through life as someone scared of their own shadow",1.5230596068484488,4.013316993975907,3.0294166138237166,88.90445466074829,83.87951807228916,5.663411540900444,23.79708306911857,7.0608816371341465,1.0667638554216865,655,25,128,9,19,214,106,166,0.39,0.56,0.051,-0.9975,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,6,16,3,4,10,0,12,9,3,0,2,16,22,7,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,6,6,15,0,1,5,0,13,1,23,14,4,17,0,2,0,1,4,7,2,2,4,78,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720380050457357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038946802212064,0.0,0.07918387506132324,0.0,0.10265282051243213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355121870593947,0.19449966896310775,0.0,0.0,0.06309794507960337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056939595067667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915189487649147,0.0,0.21485138517411306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131142991519887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302694866056793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569212870993958,0.10815805110176306,0.0,0.23530552682538156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193522296392388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.55903581122269,0.0,0.10271641682771096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437340868780882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311125858237978,0.050569124231005534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983229344959904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297958178711344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028111741571774,0.2428903233346671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814456472558832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726053940809933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634811987195535,0.0,0.1055140883258249,0.0877025887981883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322172177200936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258774641936008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071113824132418,0.0,0.0,0.07352961334196349,0.11317051849402825,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l-_-ll-_-l,2018/04/14,"help I just tried to hang myself, but chickened out before I lost conscious. I don't want to live anymore. I can't seem to do anything right, I can't even kill myself. I just don't want to be alone right now...",1.1509999999999998,2.7366791555555565,2.4330555555555557,97.65625000000004,79.66666666666667,4.5,20.13888888888889,3.1291,-0.6024444444444446,162,4,38,0,4,52,27,45,0.184,0.6579999999999999,0.158,0.2122,0,1,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,5,8,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857507293955606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736201347142317,0.0,0.0,0.2270434126091663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347718413732669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223032777780998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493094865152468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30524411331213264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436260646999509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117906109292725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712367188564017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511703484639331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731899666281548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254676866851497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForbiddenGhostChild,2018/04/14,"Just letting some thoughts out Death. 

I still think of it from time to time. 
There are days were I just can't help but to yearn for it. 
And I feel guilty, ashamed... Of wanting to end this suffering because of what I might be possibly missing.   

I have scars that will never heal 
I've been cursed with this low self-esteem
I feel unworthy of love, unworthy of kindness
I've been accustomed to abuse and manipulation 

The presence of others can be easily overwhelming
All of my energy depletes after a simple conversation 
I'm having a hard time indexing through this troubled past
Poker face on, I hide my exhaustion 
Isolating myself, so you do not have to be under my dark cloud

Unable to relate to your common sense, 
I freeze and cannot comprehend. 
All of these mixed signals that are being sent, 
Confusion settles in as my brain tries to process
I try to do my best, but it comes out wrong
I am yet again misunderstood

I'm death tired
I've been endlessly running trying to get out this dark world 
But yet here I am again at square one
Wishing death would come to me faster, 
For the grim reaper to take all of my pain away 
For my soul to be set free 

",3.0602095238095224,5.322977928888889,3.745015873015877,87.29600000000002,76.37777777777778,7.307936507936508,24.49206349206349,8.269060116576782,1.5203396825396824,914,31,182,17,21,289,142,225,0.285,0.612,0.104,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,10,16,0,3,4,0,25,7,2,1,4,31,40,8,4,4,6,0,4,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,12,9,0,0,4,1,1,4,4,12,0,1,6,5,22,5,38,25,5,30,1,6,1,1,6,10,0,3,15,125,34,0,0.0,0.19916101956353316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579275598020993,0.0,0.0,0.10246705866464748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640172843676447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764577924181347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895920010959593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840515441387953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887923554733745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699842930448036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878209056833516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057702688239005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126682336921808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504149970452373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188501512345475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170920134483584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783185885851087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964257846928978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390319558846065,0.0,0.17886127791067147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046242001821473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949798481401006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535616308958982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423814200306886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638393862586908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077062884636547,0.0,0.13344592765506744,0.2940466322490295,0.19319652822686625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423694191515779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991447609231566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329700570659664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194074259374784,0.18378174032460992,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CosmiCurry,2018/04/14,I think I'm gonna walk into the range and kill myself I'm just sitting here in my car after a long drive. I'm posting here maybe because deep down I don't want to but I still kind of do really. Can I talk to someone please pm me and I'll give you my phone number I think I'm gonna go through with this,-0.6364587525150895,0.9092484929577472,1.8276861167002032,100.02450704225357,85.19718309859155,4.620523138832998,17.185110663983902,5.288315135182226,-0.8486917505030179,237,5,62,1,7,81,51,71,0.065,0.8640000000000001,0.07200000000000001,0.1126,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,14,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,1,9,12,0,13,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423860775776034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741930681155835,0.16244311657074068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31622726214213004,0.2976467520958441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529495286893551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715348755842585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137542332802193,0.0,0.0,0.2737450181128021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310927382380984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218184838934434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282632806622459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297383944048779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662951585266426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858925526752594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymouse986,2018/04/14,"The day I took my life                   The day I took my life 

                     


Ever thought about suicide ? I have. Ever been to a point were you just can't help yourself anymore ? You've tried your hardest but failed at life , never being able to get married , have your own kids , have your own house , Owe how I wish. I grew up switching schools my whole life , I didn't graduate , of course, didn't have the same friends for more than a year because my parents got divorced when I was 6 and I moved back and forth my whole life. I don't really have any good childhood memories , I have a few good times , but they didn't last long, I was always that quiet kid in school, I stayed to myself. I tried to focus on my school work but I was always missing a lot of days because of parent custody reasons. But somehow I made it to high school , 9th grade, I lived with my dad , we had a lot of fun , we would race go karts on the weekend, that's really the only good memories I have with my dad, he did buy me things I wanted growing up , but I think that's because he just wanted me to live with him so he wouldn't have to pay child support , and because he wanted me to forget about the night he tried to murder my mom when we was in our driveway when I was 6, when they was going through the divorce. He was hiding behind a building and jumped in the car with a knife to my mother's throat, that was a bad day , but I'm not gonna tell my whole life story, it's pretty boring and I'm sure y'all don't wanna hear it. When I was 16 my dad kicked me out of the house , that was the 1st time I was homeless , he locked the doors on me and put my clothes in a trash bag and told me not to come back, I slept in a broken down car in the yard for about 2 days,that was the 1st time I thought about suicide, my brother. Which is about 4 years older than me let me stay at his “house” for a couple weeks, wasn't really a house it was a camper he was renting from a guy and living there, he couldn't afford to feed me everyday so he had to take me back to my dad where I wasn't welcomed , when I went back to my dads I wasn't aloud in the house, so he put a small hunting camper in the yard and told me that's where I live now , I lived in that camper for about 2 weeks with no water or bathroom so if I had to go #2 I had to do it in the woods , it was one of the lowest points in my life, and my dad was wrong for doing that. I would never do my children like that, If I ever had any. My aunt and grandma found out how I was living and came and got me , they lived 6 hours away, so I moved in with my grandma and my mom , the 1st day I was up here I seen my mom smoking crack in her room , I was already in a bad spot so you know how that went for me , she later got locked up for violating her probation because she failed her piss test, she went to jail and been locked up ever since. My grandma doesn't have a lot of money , we live in a trailer , sometimes go without food , well I do , because I feel bad if I eat her few items she has in the kitchen. But I did find a minimum wage job when I came up here , and I have a vehicle I saved up for , it barely makes it around. I make just enough to get by at this job. But today I overslept and got fired. My grandma can barely support herself , better yet me and her. So I know I am screwed. I'm not gonna be able to find another job , I'm lucky I had the one I had. I smoke weed to decline my loneliness so I know I can't pass a drug test. But today , today is the day I took my life, I don't want to be homeless again , you may think I'm a coward for taking my own life , but I feel like I have no choice, I have nobody , besides my grandma and my aunt , but they will understand. They know I had it ruff. I don't know how I'm gonna do it yet. I'm not gonna make a bloody mess in my grandmas trailer, and I may not do it today , who knows,  But i'll find a easy way. This isn't my suicide note, I just want people to know how my life went , I didn't tell everything. But I don't have time. I have to go. Today is the day I take my life. 

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suicidewatch,Huplia,2018/04/14,"I'm a completely useless person Not being melodramatic, it's just the truth. I can't do anything. I have no skills, people don't like being around me, I don't have the willpower to even brush my teeth or get out of bed. I am a drain on resources. 

The only thing stopping me is my mother, she is an amazing person and I love her. I could pretend she doesn't care either but I know it would destroy her. 

Apart from her and my sister, I have nothing. I have one friend who would maybe be a bit sad for a couple days but she'll be okay. 
 
I'm failing university because I don't care about the work, I don't leave my room for days at a time. All i do is take ketamine all day because it makes me feel like I'm just in a dream, but it wears off too quickly. I wish I could just take enough to die peacefully but the lethal dose is too high.  

Ive always been a depressed person, but this is the worst it's ever been. I destroyed my relationship with the only person I have ever been in love with because of a misunderstanding, and now they hate me and don't even give me a second thought. It happened nearly seven months ago and I'm still as cut up over it as if it were yesterday. I never got closure. All I want is for one chance to see them again. That's the only thing in the entire world that would make me happy.",2.5429276259240154,3.65000770397112,3.952841670964413,90.2163417569194,74.84837545126354,6.287020801100223,22.937768609248753,6.42735559955562,0.39210826886711336,1022,27,228,7,21,338,147,277,0.21,0.672,0.118,-0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,15,20,4,0,19,1,36,5,2,2,7,41,59,14,2,8,12,2,1,2,1,4,1,0,2,4,14,9,0,1,3,2,0,0,10,9,0,4,6,3,38,11,25,43,7,30,0,4,1,2,20,15,0,2,17,168,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877967458893648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272216228751254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917008330790942,0.09920004318039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378772049218827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216572603708474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272291408337069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168366147348966,0.0,0.0,0.17794224612379628,0.12329979762809035,0.0,0.2155974768428686,0.0,0.09597809358935994,0.0,0.11565108280991912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514129334451058,0.0,0.1472024462411285,0.20159718612042016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634446824588477,0.07960859850132443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609376892792261,0.0,0.05821975834315728,0.10689781682162876,0.0,0.0,0.08912409126196529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854087493545546,0.11862375380513318,0.0,0.11001817975690367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773632643781053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124130956750279,0.0,0.0,0.11799270389508255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888222050466476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20114739131878764,0.0,0.14876635724543813,0.0,0.11195060883075576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894569714618493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594490720330501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069240984789339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102136490333845,0.2542521396714811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772544276418042,0.3892001014731445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963860330235125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879861184596936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899147790654886,0.09316396188289654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675692662925793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480638316961672,0.0,0.0,0.08846628942736237,0.06497816489118367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572676490889942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281438044065553,0.0,0.0,0.08112540822112717,0.0,0.0,0.2374789269718152,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smkbear1,2018/04/14,"I have no more need to do stuff I am sick of this bullshit 
I always feel alone (I am nearly always alone) cause I don’t go out and do stuff with peoples because I’m afraid since I was bullied in my favorite sport 10 years ago
I have an aching back and issues with my feet and knees which will eventually lead to arthritis and is already painful as fuck sometimes and I’m only 22, but it’s my bad 
I always sit in front of my pc (15-18h per day) since I’m 11 
I’ve got my heart broken couple years ago and I lost one of my best (platonic) friends since birth, he decided to ghost me for no particular reason 
my family is somewhat broken too, my parents don’t talk to each other, everything, every meal, birthday, fucking everything is done twice since they don’t talk no more
I don’t live with my parents, but I grew up within their rather toxic relationship

I recently quit my job because I don’t want to work anymore, I’m in so much physical pain at work due to my back
I’m always tired, I smoke so much weed and tobacco that I wake up every morning to spit blood and tar out of my lungs 
I have no motivation for change, I’m full of self loath  
and I want to do (hard) drugs again, cause that was the only time in my life where I felt free 

I have no need to live like this, so much potential, wasted, for a life of loneliness, sadness and anger and if I’m going to end this I might as well have a good time before everything comes to an end 
so I’ll get a loan like 5-10k and then I’ll waste this money to have a somewhat good time before end
I’ll do things like shitting on the middle of the street, because I have no reason to care anymore 
I don’t even know why I am writing this, maybe it’s a call for help, or I just needed to vend this 

thank you if you read so far, I don’t know what to write in a tldr so there won’t be one ",3.2299060481503226,3.5917611323155216,4.567086513994912,89.24097621843805,72.53689567430025,7.572871403405753,24.784595811313373,7.468242284971852,0.8991370914073199,1427,38,330,15,26,475,196,393,0.19,0.685,0.125,-0.9792,3,2,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,2,7,16,21,4,1,11,0,31,18,8,6,0,47,57,26,1,8,7,2,3,3,1,3,7,0,0,1,16,19,1,0,8,2,3,6,14,10,1,3,6,3,43,12,44,47,10,43,0,2,0,2,16,18,3,6,21,198,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409326314577276,0.0,0.0,0.16466287458740844,0.08772320877415367,0.0,0.2645803072344441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767266114190825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222514050383657,0.06637386917510374,0.14537575582858173,0.0,0.1352864657755158,0.0,0.0834236710970429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117189463897254,0.0,0.08104906423016213,0.16332373217960638,0.08409373092666826,0.06847673224592048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795820096717706,0.0,0.051266821630319336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134959360011065,0.0,0.0,0.09218738515443947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122331095410773,0.0,0.0,0.052504799676927866,0.0,0.1339536409226073,0.0,0.21433127428944376,0.0,0.07493952929513195,0.0,0.04019437303789367,0.0,0.07632636092810535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141658928123584,0.14698117897503735,0.041532146062835534,0.0,0.09035613539586893,0.13335098781898125,0.06357832600733347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121068754102453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420034646864517,0.05328291141994468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297070734728176,0.07888517189951565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737525150980968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229741805995387,0.11650973177331385,0.0,0.1403886815014202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677669882068301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986204632415463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433019005222323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531091676502536,0.17683058100310614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773389591905497,0.12091699109414708,0.16917367593442303,0.0,0.1765365601667904,0.0,0.0,0.05511088098147834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455127149430036,0.07951515237948846,0.0,0.0,0.1634654036923215,0.07849037958385581,0.0853464199871742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292920372188659,0.0,0.08159907938435618,0.2630318427886838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862124287560078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820023988480533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277879537692622,0.0,0.07318706365457052,0.0,0.0,0.05281204233434498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906014273964276,0.0913662455051638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377481728262453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147432940645472,0.0,0.07173064590021087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574463376463046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238259606690403
suicidewatch,Tasukete1,2018/04/14,"Like listening to the rain Death just seems so peaceful. 


I don't want to sleep, I'm scared of waking up. My kidney stones hurt. My RLS hurts. My heart hurts (literally, I overdosed on oxycodone yesterday) My fucking ridiculous fat ragdoll cat is sleeping on my bed with me, and he could not care less if I dropped off the face of the planet; but the idea of missing out on all the hugs I could have make me sad. My dad wants to take me stargazing for some event in June and my mum wants to see a movie this weekend. So many reasons to keep holding on.


Yet giving up is all I can think about. Being done once and for all. No more. Just, no more.  ",1.5136523781561948,3.615464381679388,2.3018320610687013,96.50768643570171,80.7557251908397,4.946799765120376,22.290663534938346,5.873414542411696,0.06635008807985887,498,16,111,3,13,155,91,131,0.194,0.726,0.079,-0.9172,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,2,1,6,0,9,9,7,2,3,26,24,7,1,6,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,1,2,4,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,2,15,3,21,20,7,15,0,5,1,2,5,9,1,3,6,72,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314004191462606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27117057116194165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378204399328914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569933455131035,0.0,0.1629042156932129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012343028370692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453787542155839,0.19170304689058296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094140739641146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296414866846492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335435778376432,0.17216807522959016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808498685115144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460045415519534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001672923986355,0.0,0.13532239149047642,0.15459528027321795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398798542026752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276814658676761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881206064416267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004879072152403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ivan0x32,2018/04/14,"Can't abandon relatives and cant take their shit anymore either That's pretty much it. Some of my relatives are making my life a financial hell (and then wondering why I only fucking work - I fucking have to pay the bills and shit for fucks sake). Make no mistake though I am as well not helping it, I'm not living frugally by any means, I buy games on steam to ""fill the void"" and generally eat take out and all that (mostly because I can't cook, also I work a lot - 70-80 hours a week for past few months, with chronic insomnia its easy to do that), but the whole thing with supporting my relatives makes it impossible for me to live normally. There's always this next fucking thing I have to pay for and its not like they're taking vacations 24/7, its just normal life - groceries, healthcare, occasional emergencies. 

But now they've come up with an investment plan and its a sound one, no jokes. But in order to execute it, they'll have to risk pretty much all my liquid savings for about a year. I will be literally penniless for a while, i.e. have no money saved up and I'll have to either negotiate a raise or lower my expenses to deal with this shit and while the former is definitely on my list since I've been busting my ass at work for the past I don't even fucking know how long, the latter I'm definitely not looking for. 

I've been living a reserved life for a long time now, I didn't buy myself clothes, didn't buy that dream fucking PC I always wanted to have, didn't go on a vacation to Ibiza, I only recently started taking care of myself somewhat - I'm losing weight right now for example and I've started being really active, even thought about buying that gym membership finally. 

And now I'll have to cut down on all expenses potentially for a year because not only will I have to pay the loan percentages until my relatives can cover it, but I will also have to save like crazy to restore my savings in case I lose my job suddenly. 

If I didn't love them I would just told them to go fuck themselves, but I do love them and I don't want to stomp on their dreams and hopes, they lost a lot financially because of economical crisis in my country, pretty much 80% of their net worth went down the drain and that was in their 60s, on top of that they lost a lot of their health as well. 

I'm just so tired to be honest, a lot of people depend on me, but it feels like I'm about to get crushed by this weight. I think about it all the fucking time, in some parallel universe I could've been a happy person - successful young(-ish, I'm pushing 30) engineer, but I'm stuck here, in this shitty country, with those people. And worst of all - I'm completely alone in this, nobody gives a fuck or understand my struggles with life, nobody ever did - people just dismiss it as whining if I try to explain. And maybe they're right - fuck me and my life. ",7.348939849624058,5.966039440350883,7.668583959899753,76.3409210526316,64.24561403508773,10.949874686716793,33.86591478696742,9.957137785484203,3.057117794486215,2251,77,450,40,28,740,258,570,0.187,0.68,0.133,-0.9865,4,1,0,0,0,0,67.0,0,0,11,10,25,43,15,2,26,0,37,29,4,5,6,87,90,40,0,9,22,0,3,3,0,5,9,1,0,1,27,25,4,1,8,6,14,6,17,25,2,1,15,5,51,18,75,67,21,57,1,6,1,13,20,23,15,15,30,296,78,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365150959164624,0.0,0.09829519568294907,0.10227524574614548,0.0,0.0,0.041793256189361916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060949396930921836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239189574094058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266009022576133,0.0,0.0,0.05294025614792831,0.06443709459183193,0.0,0.0,0.049068870111389086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336005777433955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288643869366639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118429290433382,0.055591892066386296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03107479481774255,0.04390530146386434,0.0,0.0673237657160665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681653467281612,0.032109044617424407,0.058955702797662976,0.0698555085136845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654227278163043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532652477432077,0.0,0.0,0.04119371480445165,0.0,0.0,0.061041235709364525,0.060523328386459525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060987156800002135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03377547412241301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704650185023716,0.09007519549347537,0.0,0.16280448515556653,0.10877603389982264,0.05160888169788491,0.13751060486823205,0.13417639868503728,0.2089961186802319,0.11093571574902597,0.0,0.1230702188991539,0.0,0.061742391177703165,0.06694531242723659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049054847348579546,0.0,0.13553515967639504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536082466670592,0.0,0.1204307430706126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164524108193556,0.14022375786358313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733641241100255,0.1278208258486781,0.053662381032435584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875733342801224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039371294107631315,0.0,0.0606819377039564,0.0,0.0,0.10496886077481404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925594237743326,0.050838338350776495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699997106316222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642487977540373,0.0,0.0,0.06974132399895856,0.0,0.0,0.18483378155518865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165935952768899,0.03937953036291993,0.060381752105278234,0.048790447009731015,0.0716728085112224,0.0706364378333202,0.0,0.05872534341433781,0.0,0.04172565696683043,0.0,0.0,0.06397949950139126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249853613543418,0.0,0.04929755691102401,0.14967753099779912,0.1105154753351871,0.056971784633110416,0.05545589929694317,0.0686151839665935,0.0,0.0,0.06664811484584092,0.13422553234378534,0.0,0.0,0.04365769559360312,0.0,0.0,0.07915332234906236
suicidewatch,Avsimavsi,2018/04/14,"Chronic illness making me suicidal I have Hypothyroidism and it has destroyed everything for me..

Been on meds for 8 months.. feel worse

Would rather not be here anymore than Like this ",5.834270833333331,8.80344471875,4.42625,82.32708333333336,70.5625,8.016666666666666,32.541666666666664,8.841846274778883,3.1072166666666665,149,7,24,3,3,43,30,32,0.329,0.61,0.061,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,6,7,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660113936544291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316900885597185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866093764907636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030557312775167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463524639830192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099458696864812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29458262013499664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036950954767812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761067966462305,0.2621718148592324,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silentbunny95,2018/04/14,"Never thought I'd be here today I was in a relationship with a girl since January and everything was going good. Then a few weeks ago she wanted no contact with me for 6 weeks as I had self harmed and she didnt want that in her life as she has a kid. 

I agreed and after 4 days she called me to let me know she was pregnant, and so we started dating again. 

This past Thursday she had called me up and let me know that we are done and she is aborting the child at the end of the month. 

I took some pills that night in an attempt on my life but sadly I woke up.

I feel like nothing is worth it and I feel I may try again to take my life. ",3.805,3.0879727857142854,4.805000000000003,91.78250000000004,71.14285714285714,7.857142857142858,25.357142857142854,6.6274283507984215,0.6117857142857139,490,11,123,3,8,161,89,140,0.079,0.871,0.051,-0.4039,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,8,0,15,4,0,0,1,22,27,12,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,5,11,0,0,5,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,10,2,25,2,16,13,2,26,0,1,0,0,18,7,0,2,18,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811823840715502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34124213584139546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776143509240296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099458620128774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479951775797376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017279511469006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897491139342274,0.11937157538884345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496304344624973,0.14015003623575967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836603517602948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34172869363509445,0.3540690804251672,0.08163340668069312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333723767567948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887274945979355,0.0,0.0,0.1568058590689417,0.0,0.16033064672341688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595095800845871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939580425203644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431488280240162,0.0,0.0,0.13822140690863874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826958542968855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563345970576928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326535140242915,0.0,0.0,0.15838502809329352,0.0,0.18564694206728316,0.11344546649712553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971120612619992,0.0,0.2680645313930231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redstring2920,2018/04/14,"Why do ppl always guilt trip depressed people? i have a whole body, family and shelter. I feel so ungrateful I wish someone could replace me. So what if i fix a temporary problem with a permanent solution, I don't want to live a life that's always about fighting. I'm tired, unmotivated to make achievements. I am a lazy coward. i was not built strong enough for this world.",1.9333333333333336,4.6735067777777815,3.427222222222224,84.74000000000002,85.3888888888889,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.738850000000001,296,12,55,6,9,97,57,72,0.3720000000000001,0.561,0.067,-0.9679,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,5,0,6,3,1,1,0,10,11,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,8,1,5,9,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,34,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098755678091894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735790409155321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966471050930615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213415777125624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544893357940034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321857015154064,0.0,0.12453452521727433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396596319636218,0.0,0.0,0.2174836485218466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440431727046406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707504528274084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356717577806913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086855790876564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830807186404806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527160725480834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222435942038345,0.274980395143166,0.28322794301055765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Benlovesboys,2018/04/14,Thinking about crashing my car. Idk why. Just wanted to tell someone. It would be easy. ,0.5874999999999986,1.7917427500000045,0.7199999999999989,97.025,121.5,1.6,22.75,3.1291,-0.22682499999999986,68,3,12,0,4,20,16,16,0.077,0.765,0.158,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491177776296089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632954523382549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396407877965664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126428845164992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782963420741069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765391305620075,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ggyujjhi,2018/04/14,"Got a question for all you’all. Why is death such a bad thing? Isn’t it just instant blackness with no consciousness, no regrets, no nothing? And if that’s the case, why do we not more easily take the plunge to escape the shit?",2.8256666666666668,4.827292844444443,3.2197222222222237,92.01625,76.1111111111111,6.277777777777778,26.805555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.194888888888888,178,7,37,2,4,55,38,45,0.339,0.561,0.1,-0.9117,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,3,1,1,0,1,10,5,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809908098763245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26915600276746554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229122736467841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769937267878034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34544605710545273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530307645405163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357742182546406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6073369696522775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NovaBehemoth,2018/04/14,"I need a hug (First of all sorry for my English. Now let's continue.)

I need someone to hold me and make me feels special. Make my life better and give me willpower to continue going forward.

I'm so tired of everything and all i want is to die, wanish in a thin air like I never even existed in a first place.

This day is specially bad for some unknown reason and i want it to stop. Make the pain go away. Make me me again. I wanna go back....",-0.43693548387096826,1.7512635053763468,2.1507795698924745,93.44616935483872,91.36559139784949,5.250537634408602,19.577956989247312,6.816661863887847,0.3581118279569893,338,11,75,5,12,116,61,93,0.17600000000000002,0.688,0.136,-0.7304,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,5,3,21,17,5,1,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,2,0,2,13,5,12,16,3,20,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,12,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345977861824254,0.13377975117331542,0.14526589203402535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387102250718335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220259822778317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180563597067328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491203776316256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636185413221773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796943023909341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959743113356849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689730744399167,0.2966302425673128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790616504858894,0.12288710007669652,0.08499775753640433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645315536040202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258007680909727,0.1341839714527556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512680704552792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177189404022945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888024292679056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741254651613628,0.0,0.0,0.19475617725664665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454549293089407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996422266860614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052356243833046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamiroquat,2018/04/14,"I'm done I'm fucked up, I keep fucking up, and I will fuck up again. Maybe I'll have to do this again because my life keeps fucking up and I have no control over it. 

All the advice from those books I've read-- even the stupid profound ones like Siddhartha, Fuck Feelings and Mans Search for Meaning-- do not help. None of this bs has helped me because I am unable to know how to correctly put effort in. I can't do this anymore. I have to die. ",0.3711436950146627,2.6384241397849486,1.5373802541544492,99.09879765395893,87.1720430107527,3.8119257086999037,20.282502443792765,4.851557810540192,-0.461830107526882,347,11,78,1,11,109,64,93,0.232,0.743,0.025,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,6,0,2,0,11,6,0,2,2,13,23,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,3,3,2,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,1,8,1,13,21,2,9,0,0,0,5,3,6,5,0,3,51,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542511153261832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773820329553714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391491512484507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839187810000556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507228590381307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276681880512697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505325026482223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042216246837673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7352113842017186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322024129910272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28274788514780386,0.0,0.0,0.08741157208762161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112344098407538,0.07770544207756652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979048755115913,0.17325574711262332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777867927912656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989256684523878,0.0,0.0,0.1590964112646367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elena1099,2018/04/14,one of my closest friends is very suicidal and I can’t see him living much longer he’s getting the help but if he kills himself I won’t be able to live. i’m so scared I love him and I just want to be able to help my friend.,-1.3362820512820512,0.4601651153846191,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,90.15384615384615,4.235897435897436,18.28205128205128,5.46131890053228,-0.7622794871794873,174,5,47,1,6,58,38,52,0.19,0.521,0.289,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,10,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,9,3,4,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,10,1,0,1,0,27,9,0,0.4652766004717013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35947154735592635,0.0,0.12154391008148326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31186509768636994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737981097922835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108477624789909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996514876851186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710159183792478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764173296634476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291152261569464,0.0,0.1853826055057056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544685417339865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195096154833624,0.13721609692962586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NightwolfXVI,2018/04/14,"I can't handle being alone anymore Everyone has abandoned me, not that I blame them. If I could abandon ship I would. Now I'm just sitting here wondering if this combination of Buspirone and Vistaril will be enough to put me down and keep me down for good. I'm so tired of suffering from my depression and anxiety and no one having any clue what to do so they just leave me.",4.784399999999998,5.589318640000003,5.678666666666667,81.06600000000002,69.26666666666667,9.733333333333334,31.0,9.888512548439397,2.898200000000001,298,12,60,7,5,98,57,75,0.253,0.669,0.078,-0.9306,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,15,13,8,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,11,1,8,8,1,5,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813602975001188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473973469563745,0.0,0.20782097779747707,0.0,0.2694160839696351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690030576033745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339824105776812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28069985937673564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595850467625553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785751614439725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414660062549752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28765123639641244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408545995923029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27309572643342084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122359436662907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946062637186685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929811609998,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cigarettecarnival,2018/04/14,"A different kind of save my life plea I really hope it is okay that I post this, as I am not considering suicide. Though I have before due to similar actions from the same person. 

Around a month ago, someone I live with and can't easily get away from physically assaulted me while recklessly driving and refusing to let me out of the car. 

Ever since he has been telling me I'm garbage every chance he can get. I am emotionally dying inside. 

Currently I am very ill. I seem to have caught the flu, but it's the worst I've ever experienced. I started going deaf, temporarily blind, and fainted earlier. His reaction was to scream at me for ""being ridiculous"". When I asked him to please stop yelling at me and that I think I need to go to the ER he told me I'm being a little bitch and that this is normal. He told me something is seriously mentally wrong with me and that I did this to hurt him. 

I'm honestly worried from what I've googled that fainting like that is truly a bad sign. I feel very weak and bad. I am scared and very hurt. I don't want to die. I cannot afford medical attention easily and he will possibly attack me if I call for help. 

How do I emotionally feel better? Is this a death sentence? I can sort of sit up now. but I'm so worried and have no where else to turn. ",2.0832731305449954,4.012561920152091,4.117970532319394,85.05677835868191,78.08745247148289,7.881432192648924,24.646546261089988,8.72156446121922,1.7889063371356144,1007,36,212,23,24,344,152,263,0.274,0.61,0.117,-0.9945,3,0,1,0,1,2,27.0,0,0,0,1,9,21,4,1,10,1,26,9,0,1,2,36,47,19,4,5,4,0,2,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,13,14,0,2,5,0,0,6,5,14,1,0,6,7,33,7,27,37,2,27,0,2,1,0,16,8,1,4,12,135,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038042948684496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424604632595126,0.1094750236854736,0.13322099174518942,0.110021647358918,0.0,0.1955513812847232,0.0,0.0,0.099645596905528,0.0,0.0,0.10356763920853694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957473863903526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306780016869836,0.12234718164254756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782410699973784,0.2634490870954328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118518191093296,0.09866390130665732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842107843219997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236243918341184,0.0,0.13310409129229445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849133293369928,0.0,0.0,0.11630919856323264,0.0,0.0,0.2507212823833835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219442266935556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974523347218614,0.08271295424408139,0.05721036321607637,0.11736746234899155,0.10340364711871143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796844232687775,0.11801177058033667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347009303548064,0.0,0.0,0.0868300150804628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473558035104332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224938041219707,0.0,0.12854337257093829,0.0,0.13201546637305464,0.11215181859007804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501885587406949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724002462185308,0.0,0.0,0.10660571195957738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686839267177784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922056267405473,0.09015122055513136,0.0,0.0,0.0828857475752941,0.0,0.0,0.09790292801276694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809112131221492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235274076200764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503454940059545,0.11505260523635312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237929015851947,0.0,0.0,0.12737388602790548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28986546314302697,0.06907008464792838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378465327435723,0.0,0.0,0.1280331935118882,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h3adY,2018/04/14,"Future awaits me, but I just wanna die - Not gonna lie even though I really want all this to be a simple lie and nothing else, but oh well... Have been here reading other's threads for a long time, always checking up for new comments and new stories of random people, people just like me, who want to end their lives in order not to suffer more. 

I am 18 now and I have been suicidal for about 6-7 years, had tried to kill myself more than 15 times or so and never actually succeed. For the past 6 to 9 months I have been doing therapy, trying to figure out if there is a little chance of not hating everything and measures escalating in ending my own fucking life, but I guess there wasn't such a thing. Did that shitty ""therapy"" help me? No, it fucking didn't it and just made even more hopeless, miserable, let down. Now I am abusing all kinds of medications, faking prescriptions just to get myself the needed medications. Every day I ask myself If I am really worth it? Do I deserve all these people, who are next to me, when I need them, a lover and a chance to study abroad, to study what I have ever dreamt of? Even before doing drugs and abusing medications, I was still miserable and suicidal, but now I depend on these useless medications, to which I have build a tolerance. 

Even my suicidal attempts have been a failure: a huge amount of zopiclone and zolpidem (belbien tabs, 10mg; zopilcone, 7.5mg tabs), tramadol hydrochloride (tramadol tabs, 300mg), every other fucking benzodiazepine, oxycodone (roxys tabs, 40mg and 80mg) and a lot more, but it doesn't even matter, when they don't even work. ;[

Is it really worth it, fellas? Is it?",9.063714285714283,6.907597006349209,9.030714285714286,70.39178571428573,61.47619047619048,11.793650793650794,36.150793650793645,10.290406445055957,3.5590317460317458,1287,43,236,22,14,423,174,315,0.214,0.677,0.109,-0.9939,0,0,1,0,0,3,59.0,0,0,3,3,25,16,5,2,12,0,29,10,0,2,5,45,42,24,5,7,15,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,18,13,0,0,1,1,3,0,9,11,1,0,10,0,27,5,29,29,10,30,0,5,0,4,9,8,3,7,22,173,45,3,0.0,0.221593565560559,0.09125451427349532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778097236781251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742137610337992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957207873415469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060307696617438386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705100241959837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844457836568734,0.0,0.07811752637360816,0.0,0.165648281552107,0.0,0.0,0.3705839483526202,0.08458722790392696,0.1575762897067189,0.0,0.08404282441305327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593518400853346,0.048856316521626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301433974828036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923240351094343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267932270073617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345750357255576,0.0973786690929733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562266112894277,0.06605050209779467,0.045685385682974096,0.09372388991473628,0.08257307302529081,0.08275544173763619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950081236994905,0.0,0.0884835981146592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768152120110044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464062470677434,0.0,0.0,0.13867636927341492,0.07212244965011877,0.18062952169895646,0.09945139059971292,0.0,0.0,0.0897275726959503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892680702986893,0.194488960980477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353760451097627,0.0,0.17971911930490422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467904258040682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068618315327573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387892660770147,0.0,0.0621254161183144,0.0,0.09187535873879464,0.0,0.10905554681991199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697742509211893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103119532514895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407878695624292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807806721965462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060218854476995674
suicidewatch,TheDarkReshiram,2018/04/14,Wanting to kill myself soon I don't know if I'll have the courage to do it and I'm scared. I don't have many friends and I'm not close to the ones I do. I don't feel like anyone cares about me that much. I hate how everyone around me is happy. The only person who I can talk to who knows how I feel lives tens of thousands of kilometers away. I'm gonna try to talk to someone but honestly every time I see someone having fun and giving absolutely zero fucks about me just makes me want to kill myself more.,1.154454545454545,2.8372664454545493,2.9672727272727286,93.38090909090911,80.0,5.854545454545455,20.090909090909093,6.742157984588678,0.1120181818181818,399,10,92,4,10,133,68,110,0.17800000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.161,-0.4853,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,4,1,3,0,10,1,0,3,0,18,26,7,2,3,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,4,0,3,14,7,13,25,2,5,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,1,3,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545988083260473,0.0,0.0,0.15972851703000152,0.0,0.0,0.16857804389904174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293829583000806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117540852178687,0.17145066672492834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814478717391894,0.12818304280704554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862524244443514,0.16587783373057308,0.0,0.17212320889430796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100391161493507,0.0,0.1771475105807547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39701989166859947,0.0,0.1972173246014409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765921392048764,0.0,0.15843777094550307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976925042037374,0.1819113240966196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189985867620085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158471852673695,0.1364627000802775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666917332682534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963823021984113,0.0,0.14298048800932914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040566792385632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884340579647666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462561894782377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181949547786047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116619781906074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hereforshitsandgigs,2018/04/14,"Sober and still wanna die I almost died last August. I crashed a vehicle while blackout drunk. I'm lucky I didn't hurt anyone or else I probably would have killed myself already. I guess I told my brother-in-law to just let me go while he was pressing on my wound to keep me alive. A lot of times I wish I would have died. I'm sober now and I still want to die. I have been trying to be a better person and save up money to move out of my parents house. They told me they want me out by July. I desperately want to move out, but I don't have any savings. My mom told me that she feels like her happiness is wrapped up in me. I told her that's a terrible place for it. I had an interview for an apprenticeship that would be good to get me some financial stability. I spent the night with a girl and went on a date with her. There are good things going on in my life and people say they like spending time with me and sometimes I believe them. I still imagine killing myself most every night. I figure I'll probably do it if this apprenticeship thing doesn't pan out, which is likely. I don't talk about this with anyone in my life. I have an appointment with an addiction medicine counselor next week, we'll see if it helps. Thanks for letting me vent.",2.0876491405460094,3.918678135658915,3.283232221098753,91.50283619818,77.72093023255816,6.502460397708124,22.457701381867214,7.423996415210882,0.6957416245365691,981,29,216,13,23,317,143,258,0.098,0.745,0.157,0.9115,3,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,0,4,1,7,15,2,0,11,0,24,5,0,0,0,40,44,12,6,10,5,2,2,3,0,4,4,1,0,2,11,15,1,1,3,1,3,5,4,4,0,0,10,4,46,11,32,26,3,33,0,1,1,0,22,13,0,9,18,144,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378981382460856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533617797193028,0.0,0.10506342431998908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474410634502405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331420638645255,0.09755094542725136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726582133963453,0.0,0.08420296065532994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952398368948326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953333199240037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021610479213301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048139580491501376,0.06801598550271211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974179063551419,0.0,0.10821680061260557,0.15971043025552492,0.0,0.0,0.10488137635072274,0.0,0.0,0.10134974953682926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381532561047211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985623364893334,0.10192119100771062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462446269849243,0.21066514419281315,0.0,0.0,0.07760650986961523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471146122042085,0.13449520883404287,0.1395401691041925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094168872736973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150542818731744,0.0,0.20238020251407207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125385214892224,0.17869086509802812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571623968148516,0.0,0.0,0.06600462926649638,0.0831311848148259,0.09947117652642948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529875616712664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757125231039208,0.0,0.0,0.07586774807844321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416227605251386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22809758688526802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652387661974618,0.0,0.08765392455342702,0.0,0.0,0.12650275999966226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103207453546768,0.0,0.0,0.3638979324261161,0.0,0.06463938487434971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684668782019632,0.0,0.07636940880451518,0.0,0.0,0.08825795401629423,0.0,0.0,0.10948348930717126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289721912195066,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImperialDragonKnight,2018/04/14,"I hate myself. I don't know what keeps me going anymore. Help me. My whole life I've been afraid of social interactions. I am an only child. My whole life I've been lonely. I could never keep a friend. My family treats me like shit. It always feels like they're against me. I've was involved in several sports programs/karate programs when I was younger, and dropped out of all of them. I feel as if I've failed everything and always will.

I just turned sixteen today. When I was a child, I was really cute. now, I have acne scars and look ugly and horrible. I have only had four girlfriends, and we never even got close. They all either cheated on me or broke up with me. I tried so hard to make myself look nice for girls, but they treated me like I was some kind of creep and made me feel worthless. I was so desperate at one point I attempted to date other boys just to feel appreciated and loved in the slightest, but they also weren't interested in me. Everyone always talked about looking for girlfriends/boyfriends, and didn't even consider me. Hardly anyone ever did.

I've since dropped out of school. I sleep my days away. I'm only awake at night, and I try to stay away from my family. They feel like they failed me, and honestly, I failed myself. I'm six foot tall and a decent build of 162 lbs. Where did I go wrong in life?

I can't stand it anymore. What should I do...? I hate my life but I kind of don't want to die. I just feel like I'm trapped forever.",1.4577938947824194,3.6936384966442968,2.7704416540376684,92.3215273868803,81.81879194630872,5.858584109114528,20.01558778956484,7.1029339738359605,0.35610292271054345,1144,31,246,15,31,369,157,298,0.173,0.7090000000000001,0.118,-0.9393,0,3,0,0,0,2,45.0,1,0,6,4,14,27,4,1,5,0,23,8,3,2,5,45,48,22,1,4,9,0,8,5,2,2,4,0,0,4,5,16,0,2,7,1,0,2,7,12,0,3,15,11,51,15,31,30,6,32,0,6,3,1,19,16,1,3,15,155,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713920104096443,0.24078788454442776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132523214440228,0.0674472268495868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125509913226995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701563459081667,0.0,0.0,0.06220886029759187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011047660401408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742212776941006,0.08725378913102763,0.0,0.09217187148087827,0.08669222364919342,0.0,0.18186821653601773,0.0,0.2926391054738041,0.2067335958499556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452492471839589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964112900160088,0.0,0.0771480476996429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281881622695272,0.19046898901365197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646552504595291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147654668947568,0.0,0.2008969455423885,0.053012012855368086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725308169968729,0.2356279492501745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24300686558273424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705911230279832,0.09127299005731623,0.06438794417066404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879213255533275,0.0,0.0,0.09052137967816808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536393975104758,0.2200870260932763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118608418354232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179488530055065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762288981996887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897258940400008,0.09901502703712477,0.07979288866321249,0.0,0.0965298798608241,0.0983290441639572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281375735646907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753106893451124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914330073410509,0.0,0.0,0.13098031166090796,0.1049210173318637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689473544734994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538877596964626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546410519791828,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sarahthegun,2018/04/14,I Nearly had the courage tonight. Had the belt around my neck and I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Fuck I hope I can eventually. Everyone hates me and thinks I am scumbag (which I am). I'm usless to the human race and there is no point.,-0.6199714285714286,1.57723146,1.3557142857142848,98.065,94.4,4.457142857142856,17.142857142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.4219142857142853,183,5,43,2,7,60,37,50,0.233,0.6559999999999999,0.111,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,7,14,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,2,4,11,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688253409227527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958926795418602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38302458267808864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090471269528644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115051009071923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916585681114374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26547427206138896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soryeguiton,2018/04/14,"long read sorry hi all, throwaway acc for reasons, anyway long time sub first time poster. Was hoping I would never want to post here but for the last few years i've slowly feel like i'm becoming less and less happy. I really am unsure if I am unhappy or if i'm just a lazy prick but either way I wish I had someone to talk to about these feeling I have. I haven't really thought much of the future because I just go with the flow. it's my first year in college and i really enjoy it significantly more than high school due to all the phony idiots. I have had the most beautiful and privileged life and i feel so rotten and selfish for thinking such awful thoughts. I hate being patronized so I never vent my feelings to anyone but I feel like it's got to a point where I want to tell someone just in case I do feel too low one night and make a poor choice. I never speak my feeling to my friends because I have built such a solid reputation for myself and it would be a shame to tarnish it. I am nearly 19 years old and i have had a document since 2014 that I just write my thoughts in. I never intend on showing anybody the document because it has my true feelings in it and my image would be completely changed if someone had seen it. It may seem laughable but i've had a resolve for a while now to try and perish by my mid 20's. I don't think that i am sad, instead i believed i'm just not interested in living. I never talk about these things because they cause unnecessary problems for my friends and family and I don't want to do that to them . I find it much easier to keep my thoughts in my head and avoid venting. I recently met this wonderful girl and she treats me so well for no reason. I know I don't deserve her yet she sees something in me that I can't. I have never felt this way about somebody before and i'm almost certain that i'm in love with her. She makes it seem like all my issues are so insignificant and I am unbelievably happy every time we're together, her lips are so soft and her eyes are so beautiful. She makes me extremely happy and it has been a  self proclaimed duty of mine to keep her smiling. She has a hard time in her home because she moves around so much and her father is a dick. This summer she is moving across the country and she is heartbroken because her and I have built such a strong relationship and we connect with one another so fluently. She insists on a long distance relationship, but she is so beautiful that I have no concern that she would be able to easily replace me. I love her and only want her to be happy but she's so hinged on me that it hurts her to think about moving. I lie in bed at night and think about her moving and it feels like heart is being squeezed and crushed yet I can't show and emotion. I don't know when I became this empty and cold. When she moves I don't  know what i am going to do. I frequently have suicidal thoughts and I have been getting less and less sleep and getting sick easier. I was hoping I could receive some advice that might help me because I really can't see myself looking so far into the future. As I write this I have a straight face and lump in my throat yet i can't cry or show emotion. I wish I was just doing this for attention but I can't say I am. Sometimes I see other people posting their problems and wonder if they really do feel that way or they are just fishing for attention. I just want all my loved ones to be happy but I don't think that's something I can offer them. I am a very comedic and outgoing person, but in reality I feel morbid and lonely. Sorry for taking up your time but I do appreciate you reading this though I probably missed some stuff. Be well all",3.4322107048624204,4.601885224274408,4.758057859027517,85.05825527704486,72.7467018469657,7.630644553335848,26.33254805880136,8.07648339933343,1.5273798718431966,2912,97,601,42,56,968,305,758,0.138,0.6679999999999999,0.194,0.9952,0,4,2,0,0,0,40.0,1,2,6,4,42,41,3,2,23,1,74,15,9,7,13,149,139,68,1,20,27,1,15,4,2,6,3,2,2,3,38,41,0,4,35,6,1,9,21,14,2,5,19,25,120,27,63,105,18,78,0,5,6,4,57,28,2,19,40,439,158,5,0.052196581507280806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100589534838221,0.0,0.0,0.052267336598964334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473266681416457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649706342086048,0.0,0.0,0.04646602385938936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227298613097914,0.05764702339765467,0.04441544640281213,0.05880767310782864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362026741808343,0.05521706221498338,0.0,0.054727122628863034,0.0,0.0,0.041674723059070766,0.0,0.05733549382310196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742825745577762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397787113998485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920629166827256,0.0,0.2903137593606245,0.1118677447745146,0.0501169037640348,0.0,0.047706729876850464,0.08879677113091408,0.0,0.0,0.0806538987866129,0.0,0.05454111900619951,0.0,0.0593290402825611,0.0,0.04174637447983801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778211580299484,0.04675788457707186,0.051533317946792806,0.05356875134059953,0.0,0.0,0.06185320040286917,0.03498626832761336,0.05514855415362704,0.05235742710092305,0.10368596577000794,0.0,0.0,0.055877520058920487,0.0,0.0,0.054479669995984886,0.0,0.092789439863446,0.0,0.0,0.0860576284135999,0.04254718051336518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036867989154897036,0.10200245269314404,0.0,0.04609053775663256,0.1385769963099382,0.043831982421141856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413283581027695,0.0,0.10452487040762352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537232442184699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27738352823636386,0.11511147967048226,0.0,0.2415433288535714,0.0,0.0,0.09796591170236173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054771531881798716,0.0,0.10610926346244144,0.039697852304331316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03618653745462257,0.04557604165615413,0.0,0.0,0.04934264095050863,0.0,0.09997979323237262,0.0,0.056276743101109306,0.09989015840031568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442141328705704,0.0,0.16719233341710124,0.10733355823571733,0.051537827195927186,0.11207918902700084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04150881663196771,0.0,0.05282572712785901,0.12478175264134098,0.09503561487545384,0.05445241816353152,0.0,0.0,0.04317755160741298,0.0,0.05223427725420445,0.0,0.1326779823804294,0.08036695707710488,0.05162375377383395,0.11685959920066295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975259790312255,0.057094588320973465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039245333348756864,0.08390727008837122,0.04562211289482149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03467708942321508,0.1672273091213938,0.05128287631438387,0.20719127651024344,0.15218123215342394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0354380525698479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430676462117421,0.1539344806989444,0.1242936505487848,0.0,0.0,0.09386199066496308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004698550705226,0.0,0.11320993217509955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831581563874882,0.0,0.0,0.10083866147562537
suicidewatch,TheTomiestTom,2018/04/14,"help for someone on reddit Ok i don't know if it's a troll but it seems like an emergency. I just thought now about this sub so please don't be mad at me for taking so much time. But i'd like to bring to your attention this :

https://www.reddit.com/r/BannedFrom_Offmychest/comments/8bp0r7/can_someone_please_kill_me/",6.9062179487179485,10.74990436538462,3.9015384615384616,82.5267948717949,72.65384615384616,5.7743589743589725,18.28205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.04483589743589755,265,5,46,3,6,71,41,52,0.058,0.6459999999999999,0.29600000000000004,0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,7,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622275660758307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500513887182712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822621871675456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28759286223116864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294437928953033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561534163339318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33148075949569106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941499261227775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31058621995729635,0.2281244386302091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostrainspirit,2018/04/14,"help. i just need to say something, to anyone, even if to the void. It is 00:33 and there is no one around.  The few people I speak with, are long asleep, or with loved ones or their friends.  And I am alone, as I have been, for many years.

I never thought I would get to this point.  I thought it would be some emotional outbreak where everything overwhelmed me, and I would want an exit.  I thought it would be a violent emotional, regretful thing I would think or say.  I never thought it would be quiet resignation.  I never would imagine that it would feel like accepting that you would never be with the person you expected to be with.

I was a happy young girl, once.  I had a lot of dreams.  I didn't have the best of friends.  In fact, many of them always had someone they preferred over me.  I was always everyone's second choice.  For a little while I was upset about that.  Over time, I only grew to accept it.

My family scattered when I was 17, when my mother died.  Life wasn't really good as a teenager.  Her sickness made my family stressed out, and her subsequent death drove my father to solitude and detachment, and my brother, to drugs.  My last real Christmas was when I was 16.  I am now 31.

I made a few friends through my life but many fell through.  Many of them seemed false, or perhaps, my inherent issues drove them away.  I wish I could say.  I don't even have many online friends.  I spend time on Twitter, desperately trying to connect with people about my hobbies.  Instead, I find myself slowly finding less and fewer things to say.  I see others make connections and I remain, just as I was as a child, on the fringes.  

There was a time in my mid-20s I was a vivacious, funny, young woman.  After my mom's death, I had made myself determined to build my life by the time I was 30 and never have to endure these lonely nights again.  I worked rough jobs, lived in rough places, gave where I could and always tried to have a smile on my face.  It didn't really get me anywhere.  The people I wished to be friends with, once again, preferred others to me.  My love life stopped when I was 27.  I fell in love with a person whom I now know was going through his own deep seated and toxic issues.  Those issues ended up damaging me even further.  

He really was the only kind of happiness I had ever known.  So I went after him, by trying so hard to keep up with his creativity, his ambition, his intelligence.  I failed that, as I failed absolutely everything.

I lost my job 4 months ago.  Nothing due to my fault - it was a layoff, from a startup that had hired on an unscrupulous employee, and appointed him in a very dangerously authoritative position.  He has since wiped out my software engineering team since my departure.  Some say it would be karma; however, karma has not even delivered me a simple helpdesk job offer.

I realized I don't want to live anymore.  The past decade has been one survival scraping away after the other.  I kept thinking I was paying my dues for a better future; a future where I could have those love-filled holidays, friendships that I could enjoy and enrich my life, even find love, again.  I worked absolutely hard and put everything I had for years.  Nothing panned out.  Nothing worked.  Each and every time I felt I was getting somewhere, it all fell apart.

Now everything is getting older.  Opportunities are closing.  Life is becoming different in a way that I don't know if I have the money, the mental stability, or the energy to continue further.  I reached out to my father, pleading for me to come home because I am finding days I do not eat - sometimes two days at a time - and I have lost 20lbs in 2 months.  I was not overweight - I was simply 150lbs, and now 130, and still losing.  He's told me he is going on another business trip, and we just ""simply needed the money for things"".  I have been waiting for him to come home for the past 4 months.    I told him I was thinking of killing myself.  He thought I was being overdramatic.  I pleaded and started to cry.  He said that life is tough and sometimes that's all life is - just scraping to survive.  Asking for help from him only made me feel like I was a petulant child, so I simply remained quiet, until we parted amicably on the phone.

I've started to look up lawyers about writing a will.  I will only delegate whatever belongings I have to an old friend who lives far from me, and the rest to charity or my father.  I don't have many people to give the things I have once I am gone.

I wanted a wonderful life, and I tried very hard for it.  I understand now, after so many repeated failures, and clear abandonment from everyone possible in my life, in nearly every turn, I don't believe I ever will.  I truly do not believe I will ever be happy.  I am only here as a last stop and means of keeping myself from going.  I don't even recognize who I am anymore.",3.4772632317616257,5.389688492537316,4.551720331435053,83.5768712045559,73.98933901918977,7.4359342527867005,26.37235162343796,8.230644330588731,1.776866573101941,3778,136,721,63,79,1233,373,938,0.1,0.757,0.14300000000000002,0.9913,7,3,2,0,0,2,136.0,2,2,5,15,41,41,3,3,44,0,98,22,2,5,12,141,161,50,4,27,17,6,8,2,6,14,15,9,2,6,34,44,2,7,28,3,4,15,19,18,0,5,54,19,141,23,106,80,13,121,2,11,2,4,69,42,0,13,65,523,175,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036240775696079496,0.0,0.0,0.04234299921650067,0.0,0.0,0.10205509684560916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286993776967221,0.0,0.0,0.0810909366658892,0.028586709340154982,0.0,0.0,0.03639500260456168,0.03822057442552036,0.0,0.07682282989737065,0.0,0.0,0.024922215690986297,0.04515263825998565,0.0,0.09212345874070932,0.042904734279062766,0.03615815305797988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043506867234682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056866314786073,0.0,0.044908629439442835,0.05273297927208879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243064141043878,0.04271457912771511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741190614030701,0.04183404983507108,0.0,0.09197691949896768,0.03621066583323365,0.0,0.0,0.16201908515103894,0.11094445947844664,0.06889226155981494,0.07813191505228295,0.14697389442195485,0.0,0.07708269245704882,0.0,0.04134387451490327,0.05841439291578479,0.039254592743812704,0.0,0.14946719464331726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951904720466048,0.0,0.08543981186310294,0.03921919988048983,0.06970514355211928,0.034291158750185534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305638089546902,0.10987081675737914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480672634097493,0.0,0.08201901249276744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801532604121474,0.12171176217969908,0.07267830610437598,0.0452315599619179,0.04257389708810827,0.044937029254368835,0.06665105455489824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887724082822057,0.03994724772096568,0.04097602977216185,0.10830269747898773,0.036180630653877915,0.034331861904259006,0.04573820378770919,0.08925838807032878,0.03475770860071703,0.1844948751089573,0.15473990906662985,0.02729006856162797,0.29014632240882393,0.0,0.044534141135702116,0.0,0.0,0.04120097451188488,0.0,0.0,0.04788228712878872,0.09789851220366362,0.0,0.0,0.060629227416960974,0.1576594637073343,0.0,0.0,0.03836641609743893,0.0,0.11768652667482772,0.0,0.042900379243254114,0.13061885067856285,0.08311119823314335,0.1554688047317925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427287051685689,0.07805589609202515,0.11337394642558213,0.07139582933977083,0.04271457912771511,0.0,0.038648143239973655,0.046090028464644564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410992319568298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465343988523637,0.07857309369002821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888959188359115,0.16256108915239895,0.0,0.0,0.0325788740186176,0.037218823170506135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763854415285206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034640475722764484,0.031474132809309496,0.08086969777063377,0.0,0.05787513493704372,0.0,0.032649633673070146,0.06836091047285774,0.046831936596075416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864478214840886,0.07858953074329547,0.0,0.16228474962806658,0.14303706357186186,0.0,0.0,0.07813191505228295,0.0,0.11102891174705802,0.044469532199272695,0.039937260621341765,0.04256118848774422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746637503531355,0.07234248201985352,0.032451436983594394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037899434711899466,0.0,0.0,0.0940280658276312,0.0,0.04433643589607913,0.08929107333556792,0.0,0.0,0.29042481194456626,0.0,0.0,0.05265529580856385
suicidewatch,jeff420dunhamblaze,2018/04/14,"So bad my Dad couldn't stick around Within the past 2 months 2 of my best friends stopped talking to me my older brother won't even talk to me and on top of that my girlfriend of 8 months just left me today and I'm going threw that same feeling I had sitting at the front door waiting for my dad to show as a little kid this feeling is absolutely horrible when I am under the influence of this feeling I just want to hang from every tree I see and jump into every big rig that drives by I don't give a fuck about anything anymore we are all gonna die anyone what's wrong with wanting it at a certain place and time we plan out every other aspects of life so why is planning your death so bad such a ""SIN"" ",2.9407818181818186,3.94170686,4.124181818181821,89.78209090909094,73.73333333333333,6.254545454545455,26.303030303030305,6.11248444174946,0.7970666666666659,559,19,121,3,11,183,105,150,0.16,0.716,0.124,-0.8698,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,2,1,0,4,10,8,1,0,7,0,8,2,0,1,2,24,21,9,2,3,2,3,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,8,10,0,2,3,1,0,6,3,5,0,0,2,4,16,3,23,16,3,28,1,0,1,1,12,13,1,0,8,77,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639431460917498,0.11731683226659965,0.0,0.1380700037557045,0.14936124214563665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801813425197517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607649257445265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413086557397014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081819882612924,0.0,0.4240898347747205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450633373022336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962768821269305,0.15511143376966433,0.0,0.16095144912487944,0.09535417941857327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822952559300051,0.0,0.1185091427717364,0.0,0.1681612932265482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678434279530498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016657181986801,0.0,0.0,0.17529611594103767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370025396060928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027297392132804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697130730051936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783483060427978,0.0,0.15903738799791078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792393096352204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513968442543985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344289776721928,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pufffinn_,2018/04/14,"Getting closer and closer to the date I set at 15 When I was 15 I was horribly depressed. The only thing that stopped me from killing myself is talking myself into believing that because I was 15 I hadn't even given life a chance. I wasn't allowed to kill myself until I was 25. That would give me 10 years to figure out if life really was worth living or if I should just end it. This is the only way I talked myself out of killing myself, and it actually helped me force myself to get help when I kept trying to push the date closer and closer to my age at the time and I realized I really needed help or I would kill myself in a month.

The problem is now I'm 22. 7 years have passed and I have nothing to show for it. I'm an absolute fuck up and worse than where I started. I blew all my college money failing and dropping out and then reapplying etc etc. I have no friends I can see in person on a regular basis that I actually like or look forward to. I don't trust my actual friends much with telling them my actual emotions and shit because I don't want to be a joke or someone pitied. I had to move back in with my parents after my first major college fuck up and I've been here longer than I can stand and I feel pathetic. I have no money saved up and my parent's constant financial issues of their own cause me massive guilt. I got a job recently where I make decent money, but it's dull work and a soulless office job, but I guess that's okay because it's not like I have any passion or desire to do anything in life anyways. I'm also horribly obese and ugly, and the only relationship I've ever been in is when I was 16 and emotionally manipulated by an older man online. I've really tried to put myself out there and find hobbies, but nothing is that interesting. I play dnd with friends and video games on my own, but even these things aren't that great.

I'm ranting, but I guess what I'm getting at is I'm just in disbelief at how close I finally am to the date I set. I'm less than 3 Years to 25. My life has gone downhill since I was 15, and my time to become happy is coming to an end. At least the date has a calming effect. There's something comforting to be able to go ""fuck it I'm going to kill myself in x years anyways"".",3.3363636363636364,4.135070889596605,5.083370005790389,84.03862767805447,72.58811040339701,7.747307469600464,26.586952325805825,8.00094639256281,1.5257524416135886,1763,58,370,24,33,603,217,471,0.133,0.746,0.122,-0.3195,5,0,1,0,0,5,32.0,0,0,2,4,20,31,9,1,19,1,38,10,1,6,2,68,69,38,5,9,15,2,1,2,3,3,5,0,0,2,18,29,1,2,5,5,4,9,8,15,0,1,16,3,60,16,54,48,9,73,0,4,2,4,18,30,4,9,33,252,78,6,0.07611588577220726,0.0,0.2971124986605997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060869846352122066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051761412450041504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263688849674565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852841780559333,0.0,0.13919861245388426,0.0840640157139714,0.0,0.08575653806332917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819198177376319,0.0,0.06556709583163016,0.0,0.08225423185594011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555850088190213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712402531511867,0.13483216480468346,0.0,0.16977866592348487,0.10054764937305448,0.0688511763976614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038486478872900236,0.0,0.0,0.08338123234834953,0.0695685406402598,0.06474413355402124,0.0,0.0,0.17642083360196692,0.21110372964408786,0.119302226245942,0.07301729338736386,0.0865168239512427,0.0,0.06087682717052852,0.08391803277654067,0.16770045911785214,0.0,0.0,0.08102677577365941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305662133729694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944520921822262,0.15106654351013665,0.0,0.4210547505012295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150516045403228,0.07437275405280458,0.0,0.06721172164453135,0.0,0.06391817377296355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080794480248784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075497383546698,0.08089914067412958,0.055953934048637625,0.05643896483920509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607049051044868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366868312881492,0.0,0.0,0.16903536688452114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646145552971308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283262300909071,0.0,0.07651748854978632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628535645296706,0.0,0.07515525451117447,0.08171997574430087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606545062034972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813186293050102,0.06296384727063023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449274300940581,0.058597727553168624,0.0,0.0,0.053875215715882364,0.0,0.0,0.06363628874931583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235813153038275,0.06652863910837907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011360246678944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876757020302585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335538012272943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044895121523046616,0.06041724722312381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055413271377991166,0.0,0.07756859036392415,0.10814108276224994,0.0,0.0,0.19606453951983674
suicidewatch,DR-orgasmo,2018/04/14,Signed a no harm contract in coucling today So I finally decided to make a commitment to keep figuring and push on no matter how hard it gets.,4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,6.305714285714287,74.78928571428574,69.71428571428571,11.314285714285715,35.42857142857143,11.20814326018867,4.5568714285714265,114,6,21,4,2,39,25,28,0.29100000000000004,0.594,0.116,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,9,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216708124216486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488029481639254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265955574311439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232822248087813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178775498526528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513966197180594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuhcThisLpPlayer,2018/04/14,"The idea of suicide is becoming more real, has this happened with you? I've always had this idealization of suicide on my mind since I can remember.  

I've recently (a year ago) started medication for OCD and Bipolar 2 (depressive kind), I also have severe anxiety Ann's ADD, lately after my most recent panic attack it seems to be more palatable than previously.  I'm having clear thoughts about the what's and how's (I never have before), thinking I should (and actually saving)  save these extra side pills incase I want to use them to kill myself.  

I'm making conscious thought about this vs. In the past it was a resting calming thought.  

My most recent freak out is about the OCD leading me to think I'm very contaminated and have been raped while drunk 2wks ago.  (I can connect almost any dot to mentally fabricate a false obsessive truth.  Even if I know I'm doing this,  there is always a what if,  then I'm back to believing these false memories and feelings)  I'm in a frustrating spiral.  How can I explain to someone that I'm at very real risk,  without getting myself admitted?  

Anyway,  I'm starting to worry on a real practical level, has your ideation of suicide ebb and flowed this much before?  I'm kind of scared.",5.1065035496957405,6.640366521551727,6.109939148073021,75.5642697768763,69.1293103448276,8.562271805273834,31.319472616632858,9.007467420416297,2.8604520283975665,971,41,166,18,17,322,142,232,0.215,0.7140000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9895,1,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,2,1,2,10,17,4,4,10,0,18,5,0,5,3,46,44,13,4,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,9,1,0,13,1,0,2,2,10,0,0,6,1,17,7,26,36,7,25,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,6,15,108,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.10453288183214834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899094056794645,0.0,0.107264400089276,0.0,0.0,0.0856631812468573,0.17826350214873646,0.0,0.0,0.07284472562409648,0.0,0.08194589069606452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186354812399702,0.0,0.08236804859944488,0.0,0.0,0.11830473454437335,0.1823010898622845,0.12068665034449985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226160537405154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075121778986672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054162683378083824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596535801399264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472515004732954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209245321473976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851151783227612,0.2230963145288299,0.0588699079613043,0.0,0.12083511732965073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715028942116609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791131908184096,0.1079509534865346,0.0,0.10815985032942872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874493334770909,0.0,0.0826169265897969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568129478192394,0.0,0.0,0.10225739206665306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657752846054379,0.0,0.0,0.3173018452322732,0.0,0.12134516588009453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724500092215908,0.0,0.0,0.0975172916782316,0.0,0.12101419966868647,0.0,0.08861010473957609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076174599755857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163903460131772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515130383388285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372753092745548,0.0,0.25512202562519243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925165910838356,0.0,0.17676910800353404,0.06318167635713691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325908106877256,0.0,0.0,0.10878474183918838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898124930285725
suicidewatch,unknown-0428,2018/04/14,"I’m exhausted.. So.. I don’t know where to begin but I will try to keep this as short as possible. Please bare with me as I have barely talked about my experience even to the mother of my child.. For aslong as I remember I was abused physically and mentally  by my father, at a young age he would beat me without holding back as if I were a man, he’s ex military with combat training, he was big and and powerful. At a young age he would beat my mother and do crazy things, he’s tried to kill himself numerous times throughtout my life and only 4 years ago he succeeded, but the damage he has done to me has ruined my chance for a happy life. He would be triggered by everything and anything big or small, everyday I would get a beating or two, he was a ticking timebomb. I had nobody to run to, my mum left him since I was a kid and would hardly visit me because she’s terrified of him and my family were too far away, If my mother didn’t visit or listen to him I would suffer the consequences. He has nearly killed me a few times that’s just how badly he would beat me. I didn’t realise I was being abused until when I turned 15 and my first girlfriend left me and I went home crying, all I wanted was to hug my father. As I entered he said why are you crying? And so I explained, he got up from his chair and walked towards me, before I knew it I was dazed and my ears were ringing I had no idea what hit me until he threw me agains’t the wall and beat me like a man. His punches were so fast and powerful I had no chance to defend my face or body, that moment I realised my father doesn’t love me. I was always so terrefied to go home after school, I would find any reason to stay in school a little longer.. when I was in college my father decided to take his life again but succeeded this time. I remember the moment I got a phone call by the police and my heart sunk, I weeped like a baby and my heart broke. After his death I spent my life as a zombie, I don’t even remember the 2 years of my life after his death. I was just so depressed and exhausted I felt empty. Until I met the mother of my child, she saved me, she gave me a will to live as she made me feel like I’m worth something. I tried my best to change and accept life, be happy. She gave birth to my son, I have never been so happy and satisfied with my life until after 3 years of being together my past came back to haunt me and I suffered from anxiety and depression, I couldn’t stay happy no matter what I did. I know I put her through hell with the way I was acting but I couldn’t help it. My mother who got in contact with her briefed her of my childhood but she failed to understand me.. I felt so hopeless and I was bringing everyone I loved and cared about down with me. The other day we got into a huge arguement and before this arguement a few days earlier I lost a friend of mine due to an accident and was feeling down so I wasn’t feeling 100%, the arguement continued and something she said triggered me and I ended up being rough to her, I grabbed her throat and tried to choke her and put her against the wall. I quickly realised what I was doing and snapped out of it before it got worse, she was in shock and crying, I felt at the moment as if I died, I looked at my hands and couldn’t believe what I have done. Whoever that was it wasn’t me, I tried to calm her down and comfort her but I understand she was so terrified, the look she had cut my soul like a knife.. today she has left with my son. Maybe she will forgive me and return but I will never forgive myself for this. I have turned into someone who I didn’t want to be and I am now thinking will I continue to turn into my father? I stooped to his level. I will not allow myself to hurt her ever again or maybe my son in the future. They have been the best thing that’s every happened to me, but I’m ready to go, I’m just so exhausted, I spent my whole life in a dark lonely place and when I found light to my life I go and hurt them. I hate myself. I just hope my son will forgive me when he grows up. I’m just too exhausted to carry on.. I know this has been long and I missed out on alot so the story may be choppy, but if you read it this far thank you, I just needed to take something off my chest for a long time..",3.1773192436040034,3.827154846496111,4.58201890989989,88.03785595105673,72.83759733036706,7.535261401557284,24.288654060066733,7.659967840391812,0.992225361512792,3313,88,733,39,62,1106,337,899,0.191,0.672,0.13699999999999998,-0.9967,2,2,3,0,3,1,79.0,1,3,2,14,36,53,5,0,39,0,79,24,8,6,4,135,143,86,5,19,26,16,10,4,2,16,13,5,2,5,25,53,0,2,26,1,3,17,18,27,0,2,58,18,172,26,104,58,7,117,2,15,2,3,97,43,1,12,58,524,197,7,0.0,0.12862531983415548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811574730621215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045165122773255566,0.0,0.0,0.036912109731260016,0.0,0.04152388087790935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044667631580728236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099763732554267,0.08347559613147154,0.04532134657434246,0.03308844828694259,0.0,0.13856427714168634,0.06115472112013521,0.11392655444926846,0.0,0.0,0.0602925958099154,0.0,0.0,0.05542572121754171,0.06208160465498935,0.055341850266567336,0.0,0.05742080688414345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887135894364756,0.07001193149499914,0.0,0.09350218488358647,0.0,0.056333838913001824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110941149296579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807577138063415,0.0,0.0,0.07170256164204555,0.04909916592345192,0.04573305323765632,0.05186665308619163,0.048783163638117855,0.0530960374338326,0.05117014303238344,0.0,0.08233645861368928,0.03877748357474788,0.15635129453980368,0.0,0.049610732868531536,0.046170350635388616,0.0,0.05951497387579936,0.041936421107012935,0.0,0.0283589431968208,0.0,0.09254534453741946,0.0,0.2170624813202618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047999427589311715,0.2311273280198225,0.04862401860783098,0.0535900422663014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128643594317686,0.03638259039235117,0.0,0.10889408418026704,0.0539120661100652,0.0,0.0,0.1162152479599857,0.06127526133957325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482463598528879,0.12010506218987252,0.0,0.08949223779427729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692540977698662,0.0,0.3450547060082501,0.1060734291693748,0.05440259641965807,0.04793003759247022,0.0960717892199922,0.09116268403249436,0.0,0.059252788645696164,0.0,0.0979792360348852,0.05136083748092656,0.0,0.0,0.10906266350224557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054701248533099066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04024776691080797,0.08372782061610963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04128221639186936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181618908518736,0.0,0.0,0.0567108141623657,0.059582895296863225,0.0,0.06119229294479112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913233623352872,0.0,0.0,0.05429446593500952,0.0,0.0,0.055808651098144466,0.0,0.0,0.18446521858443285,0.0,0.10326499584913776,0.0,0.0,0.1098680644802632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044900792492843504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599107895540496,0.12536167274411214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571004037608484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162327428971063,0.043628028716571586,0.0,0.04997352599554959,0.0,0.0,0.07212214396057781,0.034780289416443746,0.0,0.0,0.12660389803210595,0.0,0.051450881881782436,0.0,0.0,0.1842620280159695,0.17712243182122114,0.053023455024079305,0.1130143243898559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403123769686163,0.043084760511762715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050317897137155135,0.04897905611421383,0.060601432640947826,0.0,0.052323768104066935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055315730071620765,0.3084703700641956,0.0,0.0,0.10486319037589427
suicidewatch,typical_bye_felicia,2018/04/14,"My dog saved my life Not sure if this is the right subreddit but I need to get this off my chest.

For a long time I’ve been severely depressed and it’s just been getting worse. I decided to take a bath to try and calm myself down a few days ago and thought what if I just drowned right now? So I sat there for ages just thinking about it and I really wanted to, so so bad.

I started crying and the urge grew stronger but I couldn’t decide if I wanted to. I started crying more and more and louder and louder and my dog came to the bathroom door and was whining and scratching the door. It sounded like he was crying with me and it broke my heart. Then my partner heard and came to see what was wrong. He started getting really worried and came in to see me crying.

I couldn’t do it to my love or my puppy. My partner helped me out of the bath, wrapped me up and comforted me. I couldn’t do it. I’m glad I didn’t but I still don’t know how to feel about what happened.

My dog saved me. ",0.9438625592417084,2.740524274881519,2.4496184834123227,96.29073104265406,81.13270142180096,5.35744075829384,21.45047393364929,6.2581,0.07891260663507138,766,23,179,6,20,249,104,211,0.23,0.6559999999999999,0.114,-0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,0,8,0,13,4,2,1,1,47,37,27,1,9,11,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,4,2,11,20,0,0,6,2,0,4,6,5,0,0,12,6,30,8,21,22,3,22,0,3,2,1,7,7,0,4,12,120,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104082466165248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459194713041077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298130838540679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.550395641550217,0.08078626067973503,0.0,0.10789149393299836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333829550645315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963390749644272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077238370391708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844091176186147,0.0839632150942857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884296335287489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847913914451994,0.06119868083258504,0.0,0.0,0.11085654176601636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305753083074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288321347529152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049732107880652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395310127469727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996417001618832,0.0,0.0,0.14151501847845405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659919353564899,0.0,0.10003765588137688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806180098237495,0.0,0.09418450503358958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026544811191652,0.0,0.09944727772843852,0.07304366049537474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504744783244853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777036284434542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721378808184694,0.12765684059366394,0.0,0.13695879741432648,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheProphesizer,2018/04/14,"I just discovered this sub in a depressive whim. I'm not comfortable talking about why, but I do have a question I would like help with...
Is there a difference between wanting to die, and being suicidal?
I desperately wish I would die, but I know I would never so it myself. I wish it would just happen. Don't wake up one day, hit by a car, randomly shot etc.
People say they worry about me,  but I don't think it's me they need to worry about.",2.823076923076921,4.085766692307693,4.651428571428571,84.86857142857146,74.38461538461539,8.276923076923078,25.08791208791209,8.841846274778883,1.7316769230769231,343,11,73,7,7,117,60,91,0.295,0.5760000000000001,0.129,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,10,1,1,0,1,21,19,5,3,8,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,14,2,10,13,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987845523689968,0.0,0.14674463933361592,0.0,0.3536468750482692,0.17800670606645752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001432889965586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506629753857231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419947270313377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363421952567094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323713037144326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633167977119067,0.13140451053414373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545121858342275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811729840900133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908601646490067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354898706976546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636374189446034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369418125752008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917009121635507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049220661110372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373788181163528,0.0,0.3918480906889366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460502912662725,0.0,0.4841210208781286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZakWillWin,2018/04/14,Not sure what to try and hold on for Hey guys. I didn't really know who to talk to since my parents and girlfriend don't know how to handle me so I guess I'll just talk to you. I'll say that I have had a lot of trouble with knowing what is worth fighting for and right now if feels like i'm the only one on my team. I don't know what has been causing this but for a long while now it feels like my options boil down to dumb things I don't want to do and I don't really know how to get these thoughts out of my head. I have set an appointment with my doctor to seek medical help but it feels so far away. I'm sorry if this seems like rambling but I didn't know where else to say this. Any help would be really appreciated.  ,2.3878091473743623,2.77544372670808,3.82377188029362,93.7169791078487,74.46583850931677,7.34522868435912,22.08977978543196,7.348242739294969,0.3556161490683234,564,12,143,6,11,187,91,161,0.076,0.79,0.134,0.9077,1,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,8,7,2,0,4,0,15,4,1,3,1,35,31,14,0,4,7,1,3,3,1,1,2,2,0,1,12,7,1,1,11,1,1,0,7,3,0,1,5,5,15,4,22,24,1,13,0,0,0,0,14,8,1,6,7,89,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898862461394847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367623258104166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495344961672803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899109217249698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160018246197228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208048484113068,0.20798213881573446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605126889241495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035534010230212,0.14413141008904418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939082976906926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513718446613207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799895534216884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334589660427689,0.0,0.0,0.1288197064368063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375344866689104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466405833047005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863804623738376,0.1107081077564583,0.0,0.0,0.1616317801911094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279756396725391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431100257314663,0.0,0.23151693493673275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325161498873464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041218248706048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294716653061822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719250394849042,0.0,0.0,0.23399792581424195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670636393915877,0.0,0.0,0.11556168827597513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882851375699482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585751665358386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034046072180717,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeatBallsdeep,2018/04/14,"Can't breathe. I don't think I can do this. I don't want to see tomorrow. It's just going to be the same pain.

I have a boyfriend that is far too good for me. I don't want to make him have to emotionally support anyone anymore. He needs support too, and I am incapable of being that person.

I'm a failure. In every way. My body is giving up on me. My mind is tricking me. I just want to fade away. I want the deep sleep.

I'm so ashamed of who I am, and I'm so guilty that my parents adopted such a waste of a person. I want it to all go away, but I'm too weak to do that. All I have left in me is the energy to fall asleep crying.

Please, let me go.",-1.4831399046104927,0.2677313378378372,1.5188076311605734,99.6796104928458,90.35135135135135,4.563434022257551,17.48966613672496,5.900188976854957,-0.6073494435612083,490,13,129,4,17,172,79,148,0.183,0.72,0.097,-0.8541,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,7,0,19,6,4,1,2,17,38,5,0,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,1,20,3,18,35,3,16,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,2,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425195072029987,0.1087558206057323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922662348900433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276770938058028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085124380177694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495937076686596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104751495125747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920626980005475,0.26518757361143697,0.13045793641450468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689925458108717,0.15904819357400876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382285577156453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570490910170032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532949284164455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655034508482247,0.0,0.17270659721199555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716196507713014,0.0,0.17073407108156244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394368782168895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565037715558785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530054705823688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966250172769027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587018570475514,0.12345886394236115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway27160,2018/04/14,"The person I was meant to be with is gone forever and nothing else fucking matters It’s not worth living life to go through literal fucking torture everyday like this without her, I’m putting a bullet through my worthless fucking skull ",6.986434108527135,8.662667023255812,6.465116279069767,74.2401550387597,64.81395348837209,8.524031007751939,46.89147286821706,8.841846274778883,4.888975193798451,194,14,29,3,3,60,38,43,0.215,0.726,0.059,-0.742,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,6,10,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,6,6,0,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444322656471524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7451562601438771,0.0,0.0,0.15269401702121874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977287806257245,0.13126088146339934,0.0,0.23724467219460554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578006097041875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345963746340972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700922702762752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25899281192690066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifelessb,2018/04/14,"I feel like I should kill myself Ever since I was young, I've always had this feeling that I was going to die at a young age. Depression has been something that has haunted me before I even knew what it meant, I've always wished that I was dead or that I was never even born as I am too afraid to actually commit suicide because of the possibility of failure and how it will affect my family. I'm barely 20 and I'm in college but I really don't see my life as worth living. I'm smart and getting through it but nothing makes me happy, I have no passions, hobbies, or friends. I'm drifting through life and the thought of living like this forever terrifies me I feel like I should just end it. There is no scenario in my mind for a future where I will be comfortable with existing. I sincerely feel like there is no solution to my mindset, I am extremely self aware and think about how much I hate my life every single day. Even in moments where things should be ""happy"" I can feel how fake it is and am aware of the depression lingering inside, no one in my life knows I feel this way and I'm just tired of it all. Maybe this is what I'm destined to do. Maybe things keep happening to push my suicide forward and I should just submit to what the world wants for me.        ",3.9559689922480636,4.879507077519381,5.0015503875969,84.73317829457369,71.24806201550388,8.058914728682172,27.89922480620155,8.344100000000001,1.7950992248062017,998,35,206,15,18,328,131,258,0.206,0.659,0.135,-0.9732,0,0,1,0,0,5,19.0,0,0,0,0,17,17,2,1,6,0,27,6,0,5,4,44,53,17,5,6,7,0,6,4,1,6,5,0,0,1,19,9,0,1,11,0,1,4,6,6,0,1,9,7,31,11,24,36,3,23,0,2,1,1,2,9,0,2,15,143,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.10990816952997093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874301642867756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865666378846308,0.0,0.09583768637630913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263540435847403,0.0,0.1940117594928863,0.0,0.11688953814403193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975451382389998,0.0,0.0,0.22316815636405055,0.10187799977403787,0.09489350582199152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617516045828866,0.0,0.341687014607061,0.24138327333452456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701570830602512,0.0,0.058843207501772986,0.0,0.06400878991556752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995961047631998,0.23978808426693124,0.0,0.11119631487037476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001084752815104,0.12460561466275498,0.0,0.061897115156686784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31820846737935554,0.2200963822847204,0.0,0.1989042488676153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517971456596635,0.0,0.22629887491287504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372164392665934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279415368939515,0.0,0.08686525248827481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806910047017404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631929232537417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697055621111042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215204489552063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897495161680949,0.0,0.11749502024723005,0.0,0.0,0.09316661172150577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670613323933875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463923563737273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964938055310853,0.07216713870116825,0.0,0.08941363505844957,0.0,0.12944871509370856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643060321821459,0.08939844779695681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295160386670995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brownie556,2018/04/14,I think I am gonna do it I feel so broken and down and beat. I called the help hotline and it didn't make me feel any better. I am just so frustrated with my life. I'm sorry all,-1.9785714285714284,-0.2835817142857113,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,92.33333333333334,4.312380952380953,13.16190476190476,5.6839178017228535,-1.2729009523809522,136,2,37,1,5,48,31,42,0.218,0.655,0.127,-0.6196,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,10,10,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,7,1,2,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26949501050421204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504917906406152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046627361717872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007585395059701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656289941523867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799157310500299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645307956281032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436211587650719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25393060786460997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lost_login,2018/04/14,"talk me down So i just turned 25 on the 13th and my life is horrible severe social anxiety, bisexual, small town where everybody is in everyone else's business, and my family acts like i have to do everything. For the ast 8 years i had to spend most of my free time driving my grandparents back and forth to either chemo or doctors appointments that are a about a 3 hour round trip. My grandpa was the only person holding us together as a family he passed 3 years ago.Just recently i had to spend 3 weeks in the hospital with my grandma and as a stroke survivor almost drove me crazy hearing the same thing over and over. Yesterday was my birthday made plans with friends and they all flaked as usual, had to remind family it was my birthday , my own mother didn't even tell me happy birthday. Only reason im still here is because of my dog i would have ended it sooner but conversations with my dog while high are amazing. At this point im thinking my best option is killing him and myself or killing him and doing suicide by cop.",8.958657865786579,6.807869277227727,8.818778877887791,71.81230473047306,61.67326732673267,12.146094609460945,37.79097909790979,10.746095033038511,3.9078596259625966,822,31,154,16,9,268,133,202,0.117,0.785,0.098,-0.738,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,1,2,8,8,2,0,9,0,18,3,0,2,1,26,23,16,3,1,5,2,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,5,11,0,1,2,0,3,5,1,2,0,0,9,3,25,7,23,13,6,29,0,0,1,0,14,12,0,5,13,105,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219817900008484,0.0,0.13779521324332067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527026183412158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581257911991472,0.0,0.08388497272431758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441181752732193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084831266528128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495439270778575,0.0,0.1218804440749936,0.0,0.0,0.090889233841471,0.0,0.0,0.13149098868905734,0.1236738065110263,0.0,0.3891756435974777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631612308352002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648699629742215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550949809284632,0.0,0.0,0.14539112329305934,0.0,0.0,0.1355168284353538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29728197149476404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044872270370484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719707867326333,0.06722864907024942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020865813419907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209315200640454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015458960502425,0.0,0.0,0.1300846795376726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148463942916986,0.13587196805243212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545863711480895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027471750588258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989446781471383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505215586761701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060464265861517,0.12027604970935793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142109092706864,0.08817408431309184,0.0,0.0,0.08024072662094611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967872607523866,0.0,0.0,0.16552629603447505,0.0,0.15155651734398204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038138087078417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775325649414948,0.0,0.0,0.17723095359814894
suicidewatch,dickmoncher,2018/04/14,"Does this even count (old account I used just to follow this subreddit)

I think I just tried to kill myself.
And it didn't work.
And I'm not sure where to go from here.
I don't really feel anything, and that was the issue in the first place.

I went to school and I decided I just couldn't see anyone today so I skipped most of my hours. I just sat down in the computer lab attached to the counseling office for 3 hours. And I started writing stuff down and trying to process everything. I'd been feeling like shit. I've been feeling like shit for a while. It's not like suicidal ideation was new. It's an obsession. An honest obsession. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and my therapist agrees that this is just an obsessive thought pattern.

1.) I am a bad person. I may not have ""done anything wrong"" to deserve to die, but I've never done anything good to deserve to live.

2.) I need to hurt myself in order to make up for my actions. As in, saying some embarrassing, taking up someones time, taking up space, making a mistake, asking for things. Usually, after cutting or hitting or burning myself, the compulsion is finished and I stop worrying about whether or not I'm a bad person.
I've suffered, I'm physically hurt, I've made up for everything.

3.) If that's not enough, and it never is, the compulsion to do something worse rolls in. I figure I'll either end up actually dying, or I'll survive the attempt. I'll survive and I'll wake up in a hospital and it'll be like my brain reset itself and suddenly I'm able to form relationships and interact with people and create things and get out of my own head and just be a normal person and everything will just suddenly be better. Because I wasn't willing to just hurt myself to make up for being a bad person. I was willing to die and I would be rewarded with a second chance.

The few times I've made or really attempted to make a real plan something intervenes. 
There end up being no pills (other than a handful of ibuprofen) in my house since my dads anti medication.
A train stops all traffic from coming down the street I walked to for 20 minutes, and then I get a call, by the time the cars start coming I'm talked into walking back home.
I'm considering just walking in front of a car when it turns out to be my dads car and he leans on the horn. Snaps me out of it.

And now I broke the curtain rod.
The closets in my house are weird. Theres no rod to hang clothes on, they all have shelves with hooks.
The shower curtain rod is flimsy.
The only thing in my house that looked sturdy enough was the curtain rod in the family room. Which is more just a junk room.
And when I got home I decided to start calling people. I decided a letter was a bad idea. I had made a list of the people I'd call, thought over what I was gonna say and just. Nothing came out. 
I called the person I was the least close with first. I figured I'd call and try to honestly tell him I appreciated him and that I loved him and I sat there silently for about 30 seconds when he picked up. We ended up talking about a video game.
At this point I had been sitting in the family room. I was messing around with the rope, tying and untying and retying a noose and messing with the curtain rod to see what part was the sturdiest and just tugging on it and the rope and just sat on the phone and let him talk.
Another friend called. I tried to tell her the same thing I tried to tell him. Just sat there silently for the most part and let her talk about the book she was reading and her college plans.
Same thing. Just. Fucked around with the rope. And I stood there for a while and when she hung up I looked at my contacts list and I couldn't call the other people. I couldn't get myself to. 
I realized I got the knot right and it freaked me out I think. The fact that yeah, that'd work. That'd do it. And I took the rope down and I just sat in bed and I didn't do anything. Fell asleep for a bit and then sat in bed for a few more hours just. Not doing anything. 
I woke up feeling so much worse and I went right back downstairs and I did it again and I called my friend who was practically my sister and again I just couldn't fucking speak. I had been crying so when she picked up I put myself on mute and kept crying trying to calm myself down.  Let her talk about her boyfriend. She asked if something was wrong and I said no. She tried to make a joke about how upset I sounded. I tried to make a joke and just changed the subject back to her boyfriend. When I hung up I tried to tell her I loved her and I couldn't do it. 
I think it's because if I tried to say something like that, to anyone, they would have known what was up.
Called my boyfriend. Told him happy birthday at midnight. Just. Held the rope in my hands. Call dropped I think.
I'd talked to enough people on my list and I looked up at the curtain rod and I looked back at the chair and I thought I can just back out of this if I want to. I can kick around and prop myself back up on part of the chair. I can shove my fingers between the rope and my neck. I can find a way to get out of it if after a few seconds I just change my mind.
And the first time, the rope slipped and nothing happened. I think it happened a few times and at this point I was just angry and crying and I don't know what I was even thinking and i just kept trying and trying and thought after a minute if I'm not meant to do it, the rod would just break. And I kind of prayed to just. Anything, because I wanted this to work, I wanted to either die or have some miracle happen that would instantly make me a person who deserved to live and deserved all the love around me and I thought it's just not gonna work and I did it again and the thing holding the curtain rod snapped off the wall and I fell and I looked back up and the curtain rod was actually in two pieces. It was split at the middle, like that's just how it was made.
Why the hell would they design it to not be one piece.
And I just. Sat there. And I wasn't even crying I just didn't feel anything.
I think it's been a little over an hour.
I don't feel anything. I feel like tomorrows not gonna happen. 
I can't call anybody.
I just have a headache, honestly.
I don't think I'm gonna actually tell anyone about this. It's just embarrassing now. I just needed to write this out and process it I guess.
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suicidewatch,Gxnxxv,2018/04/14,"I’m slowly giving up, and I think I’m very close to ending my life. I’ve been going through a lot of shit. Lawsuits for my car accidents, illness and problems from accident - essentially in rehab every week, I see my doctors often. My girlfriend is close to leaving me. I’m struggling to stay afloat in my job and work. I don’t know how much worse things can get but I’m scared to see it go on any longer. 

Things doesn’t seem to get better and i feel worse and worse everyday. Wishing I wouldn’t wake up. 

I feel like every good in my life is lost. And I’m not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I want to be able to kill myself and not hurt the people around me. I’m stuck. I’m unhappy. I’m alive but barely living. Im struggling so bad. ",0.1677987421383662,2.2982056855345943,2.2524842767295645,94.64652515723272,86.48427672955975,4.7911949685534605,18.26729559748428,6.139981653823899,-0.2395761006289305,580,15,130,5,18,194,96,159,0.279,0.597,0.124,-0.9822,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,12,2,3,5,0,8,7,2,1,0,26,33,11,1,4,4,0,2,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,9,0,0,3,6,16,3,20,28,2,18,0,2,3,0,2,10,1,3,5,68,19,3,0.13100803806802805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908995834330805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166249291975502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938623957739756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586596341588233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409227824851847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320684729648961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075984480532748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248320079660186,0.093592168572443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368925854663556,0.12567484769662873,0.14890977423096474,0.10988332669719574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024681432451566,0.0,0.1415111622056734,0.0,0.13000526291062228,0.0,0.14494098366659394,0.0,0.07199859156600441,0.0,0.0,0.1387185962466504,0.0,0.0,0.18506970331084496,0.06400390992842915,0.0,0.1156824977925909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301074933409694,0.11137834907366187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630598195805867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082447814602652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535699940909453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116190064312144,0.0,0.31318933401705223,0.11926479753932948,0.0,0.0,0.13447786844073667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963713740639666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739160925667131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407183842532994,0.08394466092126562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809535167779624,0.0772719351537473,0.0,0.10508674585513414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065277833440266,0.0,0.0,0.09537541201172724,0.0,0.4005251493633992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nicekicksbro,2018/04/14,I'm tired of being me. I really just want to end it all. I really just want to die. ,-3.4956666666666685,-2.0113579,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,103.0,6.666666666666668,6.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,-0.6048333333333331,62,0,17,2,3,25,14,20,0.29600000000000004,0.5660000000000001,0.138,-0.6852,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41627796292976493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35525511065407833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5139092299828341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610048792962558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731577628409988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cujububuru,2018/04/14,"Feeling it again I’ve been keeping clear of any thoughts for about a month, but now in the last couple of days I feel that dullness coming back, I don’t want to do anything, I can’t study, I tried reaching out to my friends but I just got frustrated talking with them and felt like I was being a burden. I’m going to bed, the idea of not waking up puts a tiny smile on my face, it would be so nice to rest.",6.429659090909091,3.901513556818184,6.667272727272728,86.4459090909091,66.8409090909091,9.254545454545458,32.22727272727273,5.985473137389443,1.5628318181818175,315,9,75,1,4,102,68,88,0.118,0.654,0.228,0.8282,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,5,0,8,2,2,0,1,17,18,4,0,2,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,5,3,9,3,14,10,1,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663375716284044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137458857570494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972589325641849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374510151118496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874000548604551,0.0,0.16751237732310134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626671507409068,0.0,0.24939346276786856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006763546170755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476176069099112,0.0,0.20773974662421948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932175838862383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308710033723427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172474519171008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689702963161906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073239269744849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26111288026110546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877112378353568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620647335865888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634805784802945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532028130134936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845135676155469,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad304,2018/04/14,Everyone hates me I hate being so emotional. i love so hard. i bought new razors and have been drinking a lot more lately and going out hoping someone hurts me. I’m so alone. always. i’m hard to be around. i’ve attempted twice and i know i could do it this time. i just need one more push to do it. anything. i feel like it’ll happen soon ,-1.2908333333333315,0.6641071388888875,1.1722222222222245,97.345,102.61111111111113,4.066666666666666,14.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.6642999999999999,262,6,59,3,12,88,51,72,0.203,0.6459999999999999,0.151,-0.4644,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,12,20,6,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,3,0,2,2,3,9,3,4,14,3,8,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,5,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093589132458396,0.0,0.0,0.16819895112255426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634624948824464,0.17994989334390935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139452758666276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802292644800665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273833722966415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931560485539225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220944191453804,0.14441081223644664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488237624280853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875415540298056,0.0,0.3621603762823653,0.3991482075697021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077334934053004,0.0,0.0,0.2163979815736496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109236217642518,0.0,0.2280258128964633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875673103907824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185452693974435,0.18244171299602294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988627869803045,0.0,0.19523071574712733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697715059250212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127488571500885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178710559690796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dallasaboo,2018/04/14,"It's been One Year I kind of have a weird tradition I've been technically doing for nearly a decade now, though it's also sort of off and on. See, every year after my most recent suicide attempt, I celebrate it's anniversary. Whether it's a treat to myself or, as was with this past Wednesday, spending the day with myself, I look back on the day I last attempted. I refect on the year and whether or not I think it's been worth surviving.

However, this past ""anniversary"" was the first one I could actually celebrate in about four years. Since my first one, I've attempted seven times, and four of those have been stopping said celebration for just under half a decade. You'd think I'd have gotten better since it's finally been a year, right?

There's not that urge to go and jump off something or to slice myself open, but rather a void that's growing inside. Not necessarily something that is sucking me dry, but rather attempting to fill me up with the emptiness. I'm constantly trying to fight this, but I'm thrown a curve ball each time.

There's nothing I can do, is there? There's no point in celebrating if I keep losing. I'm just hurting so much, and I know I'm too broken to be fixed. If I can't even appreciate the year since my last attempt, what's the point?",5.750250329380767,5.848210849802372,6.239383399209488,80.37066930171281,66.98418972332016,9.592516469038207,29.91014492753623,9.3871,2.3768457971014496,1007,33,204,18,15,327,135,253,0.123,0.802,0.076,-0.9255,1,0,2,0,1,2,32.0,0,1,0,10,16,8,2,0,14,0,19,0,0,0,0,35,33,19,1,5,17,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,2,3,1,2,4,5,5,0,9,9,3,20,3,27,21,3,42,0,2,2,0,3,14,1,7,24,139,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.1203256602568522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860513421778172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481217448602512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090512286526375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324642755325036,0.0,0.09844718227846666,0.0,0.0,0.15904009728910168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144027836343351,0.0,0.10388785284068408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350720939788674,0.0,0.20976244763219076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007577272709077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199810337580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959711582012817,0.0,0.12840080018867367,0.06776394585656167,0.20101633450554632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354322347683803,0.13794419508696745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064168069296387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831227763184485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25065932619910103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354127811442345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331218355486281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174655272458315,0.0,0.0,0.1052998423114553,0.1172891151244602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982562973875588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059918325605545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984890340653088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308658834045252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487315405988007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801479817563474,0.1211442884726582,0.0,0.14379760585268142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371444762794521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764174232393248
suicidewatch,GeorginaSech,2018/04/14,Girlfriend disappeared I don't know if this is breaks the rules or not but I really need some advice. My girlfriend who I currently can only contact online disappeared four days ago after sending me texts about how much pain she was in and how much she no longer wanted to be alive. I woke up about an hour after she sent those messages and there was no response when I replied. I do not have her phone number and none of her other friends have been able to contact her. I have researched online for the obituaries of her home town and suicides in her area and I haven't found anything relevant but I am still very concerned that she might've hurt herself very badly. She is one of the only reasons that I no longer want to commit suicide and if something terrible has happened to her I will probably take my own life too. I don't know what to do from here other than continue to wait for a message... someone please help me.,6.0276042189854335,6.407758480662987,5.886941235560019,82.16347061778005,66.40331491712708,8.570768458061275,31.924158714213963,8.296473431620573,2.297415469613259,739,28,141,9,11,231,114,181,0.179,0.7240000000000001,0.097,-0.9612,1,0,1,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,18,2,0,3,1,25,29,14,2,5,7,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,0,4,9,4,0,2,6,0,28,1,20,21,5,19,0,1,0,0,24,5,0,4,9,109,36,1,0.1681170589034431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428204424672374,0.14902562911501174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834601497576998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403707219301333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084215950154461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433167767633096,0.12988682267640436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866535997320146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126853208274684,0.0,0.16863511750727986,0.0,0.16556143841723628,0.0,0.1799727886358518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478547786482544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874605051560247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783456321780328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471707641815017,0.1246566689733846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392047001665508,0.25572119788176256,0.17888840380723714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845420460706949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125862387182234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770009281686843,0.17285233640936065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424450384484106,0.12942472540023994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425850040594775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677855518751182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264031058692589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774283604761413,0.19831959420810386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BussaNutt65,2018/04/14,"Yo, I'm out Im tired of my mind playing tricks on me. Let me see where do I start. I'm 20 years old grew up a screw up in South Los Angeles California in the hood. Did all that. I moved to Portland 2 years ago. Came here had a blast was dating all sorts of chicks. Tried meth here for the first time. I over did it fried my brain. Now I hear voices, I have trouble breathing and I'm not saying I'm gay because I don't sleep with dudes but I picked up some fruity behaviors I can't shake off. And I got PTSD from getting in a shoot out when I was high (nobody died thank God.. I was stupid but self defense). I hate this it's embarrassing living like this. because of who I was. I was the man. I was the one people came to for back up. I was the one who people wanted to party with. All the females wanted some of this.  Now everyone switched up on me, even family. I kinda think some one did witch craft on me. I just want my old life back. But it doesn't work like that. So ive accepted suicide as a way out. 
",-0.9159980430528378,1.1434934063926931,1.2539644487932158,100.00309931506851,92.10502283105025,4.4071102413568175,15.583985649054144,5.985473137389443,-0.7938781474233529,772,17,191,7,28,256,127,219,0.165,0.742,0.093,-0.9596,0,0,1,1,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,2,11,14,5,2,10,0,18,7,3,1,3,30,35,8,2,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,3,10,9,0,1,2,1,0,5,4,9,0,4,14,4,26,5,29,20,6,39,1,0,1,2,7,19,1,5,16,119,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265129364596895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278667435497906,0.0,0.1686907598588742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544599283766363,0.0,0.31650299741136795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435999356874009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138808431217367,0.0,0.0,0.13221268408496206,0.0,0.0,0.13043721838153385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769230554561655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228945333399296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066229093981804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660575546449852,0.0,0.0,0.15594622811110234,0.0,0.0,0.1461891103287652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494568098287592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148651375085033,0.09773055009113944,0.13519527428609812,0.0,0.12217790316762694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970814679763174,0.0,0.0,0.1470589821802645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29037938129216195,0.0,0.2812769810791977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184828315292804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174005369528696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003256689782354,0.0,0.0,0.11025815444520863,0.0,0.1443437763463655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846387521214806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793471626396967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134770438367465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738693576548207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865803253890793,0.0,0.0,0.08068113218442792,0.15902900685062146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394003988823252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448319285355459,0.10982686353314093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007306038138438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782036952627968
suicidewatch,FIREMISSIONOVER,2018/04/14,"I'm going to kill myself if I don't graduate college in 3 weeks I'm in my 30s and my wife and I have sacrificed everything for me to return to college. I have done AMAZING the past few years, but one of my final classes is giving me trouble to the point that there is
 a better than even chance I don't pass, and I don't graduate. 

I am pleading with my wife to cancel the party she wants to have with family and friends. Our entire lives our riding on this. I've done everything right! I have applied to grad school!

If I don't make it, I'm going to kill myself. I'm too weak to deal with another failure. This was my last shot.",2.528283582089553,3.536017201492537,4.430029850746268,87.16832835820897,74.74626865671641,7.44955223880597,24.59402985074627,7.908726449838941,1.2170471641791043,491,15,107,7,10,168,77,134,0.165,0.6990000000000001,0.135,-0.7519,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,2,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,4,0,14,1,0,1,0,12,23,7,2,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,3,0,20,3,18,20,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,6,72,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849071219506487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741469490104802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515325975108344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874258901975065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502655424727194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402495372705453,0.0,0.17844904051314842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736174807481966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624766837891776,0.0,0.0,0.18158754878123887,0.21515968698400065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188503654365585,0.0,0.0,0.15429944589881112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714960547838542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263548637218165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827015687398774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070203984866334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894351790140026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165559243586192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915751014916254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165019533600934,0.0,0.1518398067630419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189879096672605
suicidewatch,blueish_flowers,2018/04/14,"Never thought I would be posting in a suicide watch forum, but here we are I am a female... was never suicidal, had boundless optimism and ambition, and never scared of a challenge. Then last year knocked me out cold. 

A long term job I gave everything to came to an end leaving me with no viable career options. I am one of the #metoo - I was coerced and forced - sexually, mentally, emotionally abused there for several years and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I can't take him to court or go to police. I can't even share this with anyone and have kept it to myself. I can't even seek therapy - there is nothing to do.

To get back on my feet, I decided to start a business, poured whatever savings I had into it - and someone I trusted to help stole from me, leaving me at the door of bankruptcy with business about to shut down. 

I could have dealt with this if I had a partner in personal life, but he left me last year as well. This was a long term relationship that I believed was for keeps - well, the guy decided to hold out for someone better and walked away from me without an explanation. He vanished from my life. I wanted to get married and start a family with him. 

In all of this, I lost valuable years. Now, I am a 40 year old woman, childless, single, broke, and ashamed of my life choices. Money and career can be still be worked out but my personal hell is here to stay. I will not be able to trust any man for a while, cannot put myself out there after all the hurt I have received from a man who was supposed to be with me for life, and most importantly will likely not have my own kids at my stage. This last one is the one that is the worst in all of this.

Little to no emotional support from family or friends. With one loss after another, life knocked me out. I was never a mean girl, always helped others, and worked hard and never cheated anyone out of anything. Was always there for anyone who needed my help. Was a good employee, a good girlfriend, a good friend. But it was all a one-way street. Now I am crushed in mind and spirit and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. It is not going to get better. I am now considering ending my life.  Life was never a bed of roses, I had to struggle for everything - but this series of trials is too much to bear. I no longer want to try. I simply do not want to live in this kind of world.  ",4.127853947368422,4.846468671578954,5.203694078947368,84.1930148026316,70.70526315789473,8.126973684210528,27.685855263157894,8.278499904357787,1.729422368421052,1829,61,378,26,32,604,216,475,0.129,0.716,0.155,0.9336,2,0,0,0,1,2,64.0,1,0,0,7,17,28,2,3,27,0,47,8,1,0,10,72,69,26,2,8,13,0,1,1,4,3,7,0,2,9,18,31,0,3,4,0,1,6,20,10,2,4,19,5,48,18,75,40,11,67,2,4,2,0,26,24,1,5,35,283,66,6,0.07163581604552169,0.08487672803861683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119213475150898,0.0,0.0,0.04871481140775828,0.07511639916559314,0.0,0.0,0.07104348039917087,0.15026828458414318,0.0,0.05895017283836314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730420728163188,0.055083520723972726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070903364102414,0.0,0.12671211573884195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193228955693123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057195370052945435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116130226794376,0.1903442111389294,0.0,0.0,0.09462956176919064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876330471526265,0.0,0.13506374388671305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847353494684367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106913075528903,0.0,0.1122802716735392,0.0,0.08142457021339712,0.18025417128213525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093072045202131,0.0,0.0,0.06417162046854799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404793243135533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668762268391903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108749383743214,0.06367320476818612,0.0,0.0745976787950368,0.0,0.1751782535463105,0.0,0.15170397159383422,0.0778325237370282,0.0,0.3541894677700429,0.03499764125500656,0.07179790708174084,0.06325573799718567,0.12679088590523832,0.0,0.0,0.07819895544508389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803240443266543,0.0,0.0,0.07219205365013613,0.0,0.07233175313033978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526605673160942,0.05311704990362511,0.3314997452536965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873649752432083,0.0,0.07516973849846206,0.0,0.2427114145096829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509926289743242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860730980308075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201378107090575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691005747713142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171994883071732,0.0,0.05708447066791164,0.0,0.0,0.08092808180707574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139358893672175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140839860908392,0.07635424845591256,0.057208455229709576,0.0,0.0,0.07488930873397251,0.0,0.1567159115807435,0.0812914751256309,0.0,0.0,0.10772243695785216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192179877132788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687083614184307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486360167964456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675798097092994,0.05686117640416175,0.0,0.0,0.12881840348115262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905437033782598,0.0,0.10430345451918227,0.0,0.0,0.050888028386767516,0.0,0.0,0.23065558430414695
suicidewatch,Musicknowsnobounds,2018/04/14,"No point I don't see a point to life. I can't connect to anyone on a personal level, I hate the repetitive nature of life, school is killing me, my eating disorder is taking over my life again. I guess I'm just fed up. I'm only 22 and ""I have my whole life ahead of me"" as others would say. But I don't want life. I don't want to live in a world like this. It may be selfish or whatever, but for once I want to do something for me. ",0.5590979381443297,1.6413907216494863,3.1284407216494863,94.22915592783508,79.9278350515464,6.499484536082474,20.37242268041237,7.1686216300943375,0.221887628865979,328,8,83,4,8,115,61,97,0.177,0.804,0.02,-0.8340000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,4,0,11,7,0,0,0,11,21,5,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,14,1,14,17,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,3,4,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968005866187993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616583915560265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514088378449827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855362324810146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898648649601586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936477386037345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044819351523052,0.08362083396409385,0.0,0.15113868748460876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228134766575155,0.0,0.13017598807189193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945156754357333,0.0,0.0,0.3236057704365149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611444713274384,0.0,0.1732245153155276,0.13639350746149964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176843882687822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286921016965895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028663561398608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109563541170035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215881762283406,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Godsblight,2018/04/14,"Psych Ward I know I should probably be in the psych ward, because I've thought about killing myself almost every day for years, but I was admitted once and it was awful. It was only by stalwart refusal to give them up that I got to keep my clothes. What's the point in getting help if I can't have any fucking dignity?",4.955307692307695,5.174170338461543,5.452115384615387,84.91663461538462,68.69230769230771,8.346153846153845,33.17307692307692,8.07648339933343,2.314,252,11,52,3,4,81,52,65,0.099,0.767,0.135,0.3484,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,7,1,0,0,0,10,15,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,8,0,8,8,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,2,2,32,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753108999341771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696740904099132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759977932546385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773123986799621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316472976925787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25417594241359986,0.14364386569212875,0.2637457811453208,0.0,0.0,0.2198932005129396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428528494801266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443777113534777,0.3041783909648811,0.0,0.15109884851245484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29280021783122706,0.0,0.20910289589112255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25990547384200724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964298890415989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827022575195204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705119133978314
suicidewatch,Lvchapino,2018/04/14,My brother was just arrested for being suicidal at work. Any advice on how to help? My brother works at Albertsons and I guess he just lost it. His fiance has told me he's been suicidal since my Dad's passing last January. He refuses to see anyone and won't open up to my brother or I. I've never dealt with anything like this so I would like to see if anyone has any advice? I'm currently trying to bail him out and not sure what to do if we get him released,1.5849713631156952,3.457962938144334,3.8195189003436414,86.87493699885454,79.41237113402062,7.197709049255441,24.179839633447884,8.167268648758528,1.499621764032074,363,13,76,7,9,125,68,97,0.157,0.7709999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.8756,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,19,15,8,2,3,6,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,2,12,3,13,8,0,10,0,1,2,0,14,6,0,4,5,48,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793598993368798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639999956768938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714494513008974,0.0,0.15973422584164498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014133428821816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21383168651385293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010640378218005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158223809290804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966258665535465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118916537173736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497079443685197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30935765887305394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605680237502257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246449774126369,0.0,0.1829443564376998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547837403795733,0.0,0.1317864921669193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826256609274673,0.0,0.0,0.13788865117080915,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gutterflower9173,2018/04/14,"I wish I wasn't such a coward I've been living with depression long than I've been alive at this point.  I have a shit job where I'm used and abused and treated like trash, but I have been applying to other jobs for years at this point and can't get anyone to give me the time of day.  I couldn't even network my way into an interview.  I have an immensely hard time making friends and people that I thought were friends only want to talk to me if they want something.  I was trying to plan a trip with one of the only friends I have that lives near me.  Thought she decided to go alone, only to discover that she went with someone else instead of me.  Family doesn't give a shit about me, aside from 2 extremely over protective parents who lost their shit when I actually found something that made me happy but would have required that I move extremely far away.  Guys have never found me attractive or interesting, so I've given up on relationships.  I have nothing in my life, and at this point I'm tired of trying to do anything about it.  I was actually pricing guns the other day, but I'm such a damn coward I'd be shocked if I ever did it.  I eat like shit and have let my weight go in hopes that I'll just keel over from a heart attack.  I've said for 10 years that if I got cancer or something, I wouldn't do anything about it.  I'm just so tired of trying.  Life is nothing but an unending series of bullshit and I'm beyond over it.",5.78483108108108,5.026747685810811,6.375,82.30750000000002,67.07432432432432,9.562162162162162,30.66216216216216,8.841846274778883,2.168132432432432,1129,36,242,16,16,370,148,296,0.187,0.687,0.126,-0.9752,3,1,3,1,1,0,21.0,0,0,2,3,15,19,6,0,12,0,26,12,5,3,2,40,52,19,0,10,11,1,2,2,3,2,5,1,0,1,17,11,2,2,5,0,1,5,6,9,0,1,18,3,31,10,39,29,0,35,0,2,0,0,16,19,5,6,12,154,48,4,0.0,0.10724858594258116,0.17666429243018442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374896244650327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329202914268134,0.0,0.14897658814342374,0.0,0.0,0.1029768677808354,0.08504428982768106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675276161223813,0.0,0.07796269913447929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262212973909742,0.07561586203740336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978603866241367,0.08187837547132902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533196247486365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849581089692134,0.20980108126543714,0.0,0.047291723909515616,0.1736655109374089,0.1028865063271066,0.0,0.07239521491663348,0.0,0.0,0.0896266814727673,0.0,0.09635769666024492,0.08108601393970426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072638233197943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990442726210549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964955455864892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256040593239202,0.12787055315196033,0.08844468024774632,0.0,0.15985744525557044,0.08010525109755133,0.0,0.0,0.09881068212073868,0.0,0.0,0.085649966892341,0.06042121862141429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620591196825556,0.0,0.0,0.06981277385129082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370820795012526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061337086383546624,0.206528201678125,0.0,0.0,0.10050911227549324,0.0,0.0,0.06275352503680155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567052449949814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718205566821712,0.0,0.0,0.08610299120318025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716601716344976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669529125837013,0.20905467369158626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727546394962921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372176917116478,0.10556311196169743,0.20807339214024853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436658013932394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817816659892336,0.0,0.0,0.10677928277256896,0.07184867872856081,0.0,0.11022608358089596,0.0,0.08391074669469757,0.0,0.0,0.10409080338311036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430112484312119,0.0,0.0,0.11658076755797955
suicidewatch,jeffreydahmer0,2018/04/14,"I want to stab myself and slice myself up, how can I do it? Today has been horrible. I'm 70% sure my best friend has been ignoring me because of how clingy I am towards her (I rely on her too much). There's more, but I'm mainly asking how I can stab myself to get as much blood to leave me as possible; I feel like it would make me feel so much better. I'm just waiting for my mother to sleep, so then I can stab myself. The urge is extremely strong right now. I don't really want to die, I just want to see if extreme self-mutilation will cause me to feel better about myself. 

Sorry if all of this is incoherent, I'm really trying to figure everything out, and why my life has to be so worthless and just... pointless, to say the least. No wonder everybody thinks of me as the least desirable friend. I don't really know what I want anymore. Help? I guess so, but talking will not help I need to do something physically to myself to cause me to feel better. I just want to die, but I don't know if I can do it tonight. 

I just feel like I need to vent and stuff, I don't know anymore. The person I felt like I could turn to so I could cry and she'd make me feel better has abandoned me. I cannot accept this fact, I have do do something to myself. 

I really want a shotgun, the first thing I would do with it is sit in a corner, aim the gun at my head, and pull the trigger with my toe. 

Drugs? I have thought about attempting to get extremely potent sedatives, you know for severe insomnia. ODing sounds peaceful to me. 

All in all, my thoughts of suicide have definitely increased sharply over the past week; most of my recreational time is spent researching suicide methods and lethal doses for common medicines. I just want her to love me and not think of me as some weirdo that seriously needs to be put down. I cannot blame her for thinking of me in this way, but I just wish she didn't. I love her so, so much. It hurts so, so much to find out that she doesn't, nor will she ever, love me in any way. I love her, I love her, I love her. Nobody can make me feel better about this situation. 

I am sorry for boring you all with my venting, but I needed to get some things off my chest. I would've talked to her about all this, but she wouldn't care to know. ",2.9814298256616105,3.9187964776119415,4.2314969271290614,89.29367208077262,73.56289978678038,7.39397968142481,23.38900037626991,7.724431198458867,0.8503743383920734,1744,45,392,22,34,574,194,469,0.161,0.635,0.204,0.9727,1,0,4,2,0,4,63.0,0,2,0,9,27,27,0,0,10,0,45,15,5,9,8,95,99,35,5,21,18,1,8,3,2,6,4,2,0,1,16,13,0,3,22,0,1,3,13,6,0,1,7,11,83,21,62,81,19,31,0,3,1,6,32,15,0,8,13,279,99,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696172734535558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697372358664758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455979683961778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042097043437653775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247198583872055,0.3053804201802238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040911240044996,0.14188293382436612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027419777367216,0.0,0.07585683984435915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334235580737512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008521782324245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062466807228545085,0.0,0.0,0.06206477078921905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24442417801860736,0.09866992832621012,0.0663063957215232,0.0,0.06311765237309612,0.05874059851264346,0.0,0.0,0.10670789549586274,0.0,0.10823967808187893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607504185076781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087330936127467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257608424784153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392789016672982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976202757570895,0.0,0.0,0.07312232507239681,0.0,0.0,0.0487776238107456,0.1012145775906526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739646041645626,0.0,0.13829001593195875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538274431004269,0.20482217566926028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592356171484792,0.0,0.06029867822046572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785238497155689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942224457059906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696098822632708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897505326127438,0.0,0.05491759895004762,0.0,0.0,0.0550301904018759,0.0,0.07204243110756574,0.07801574926760886,0.0,0.0,0.07762395193630989,0.06910775402550931,0.0,0.0,0.1063282616974695,0.0,0.1546092884137489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905475207741627,0.15107622707868346,0.0,0.06508623581125877,0.0,0.0,0.11101221816469928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175797549633916,0.1327485056090696,0.0,0.10964848774392613,0.04026820590539031,0.0,0.06545879669847532,0.0,0.0,0.046885768290074084,0.07511514432972312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851248931229968,0.10962986351223523,0.05539406683121634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062313996561422336,0.0,0.0794131553266344,0.0,0.07489032640316304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717021241684378,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kuriandr,2018/04/14,"Can I talk to someone please? I’m not in a crisis or suicidal, but I just want to talk with someone as I’m feeling kinda lonely.",0.058095238095241086,2.028598142857142,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,85.42857142857143,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.7769619047619051,100,4,21,1,3,36,21,28,0.188,0.575,0.237,-0.14400000000000002,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383134980954595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773799100448279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5825869707264467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37605218278887387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526532898564843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277717792754496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShitUpMaodo,2018/04/14,"Not suicidal or anything but ion wanna be here For the past 9 years I've just been here. My life has sucked up to this point but I've always just brushed it off to the side. I always had a sense of how miserable I was but it never really hit me until I turned 18. Now I'm almost 19 and all I can think about is if I want to put myself through another year of misery. I guess I am suicidal but not cuz I wanna die, I just don't wanna be here anymore. Like I just don't want to exist.",-1.009209401709402,0.9450273240740756,1.9629629629629648,95.78602564102566,90.57407407407408,5.174928774928778,15.715099715099713,6.67199483983844,-0.3543797720797719,373,8,90,5,13,131,72,108,0.118,0.726,0.155,0.2957,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,1,1,3,0,11,1,0,2,2,25,19,10,3,6,12,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,13,1,15,13,1,11,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,4,7,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096586031353665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34843318770641296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954771788311386,0.0,0.0,0.20764352611907488,0.0,0.0,0.17229760823527296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729797090045572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064993089067898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788760265199202,0.10228994406254878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148274180191569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987192361227235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792684781452127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104794887118801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413084867181266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580440639556635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415890809776704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773964268702085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469893459109085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696609939426762
suicidewatch,Vegetal_King,2018/04/14,"I feel like there isn't anything left for me. For a good year or so I've considered killing myself simply because I didn't see a point to being alive. To me money was something that was too hard to come by, but was necessary to live a happy or even livable life. I just didn't see an end goal so I didn't think that I should really stay alive, but there was this girl I liked a whole lot and I guess I had some fantasy of having a future with her so I didn't kill myself. Today I finally got the balls to ask her out... and I got totally rejected. I don't necessarily want to die so I'm looking at suicide prevention resources, but I still really don't see a point and now things are really at a low point for me",2.7021925133689813,3.5161684052287576,4.719512774806893,85.99962566844921,74.09803921568627,8.439453357100417,24.36660724896019,8.841846274778883,1.5051751633986925,558,16,126,11,11,193,90,153,0.158,0.696,0.147,-0.4112,0,1,1,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,2,0,9,0,16,1,0,0,1,21,29,12,4,2,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,2,1,1,7,4,0,0,11,6,20,4,15,16,4,17,0,2,4,0,4,8,0,5,9,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189613718284684,0.0,0.13514500504927035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812303362841184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452648677375837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003147738744269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803812319477398,0.0,0.0,0.09548116605574893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309437670751244,0.1032743953251864,0.0,0.15835949107566674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125089410861363,0.23123724841941706,0.0,0.15925022100962266,0.0,0.0,0.15388785478022324,0.12949824632959062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31987061896998403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706593129109814,0.0,0.10210769765231577,0.14125038872648654,0.0,0.12764999669806446,0.0,0.1213948173239358,0.0,0.0,0.1229005784174846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099705662579183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778284027145697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34558916185250466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129010752374706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408277370369255,0.1154465879680148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812625248879478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603989377917163,0.0926288409559738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702690905783502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526581337233742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613971752388162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309253360106064
suicidewatch,maxwellian_daemon,2018/04/14,My mother makes me want to kill myself. She ruined some important developmental milestones for me.  She controls my friends.  She gaslights me and makes me feel guilty for her life decisions.  She ruined my life and my focus.  I tried to kill myself in 2014.  I am going to do it this year if I cannot leave her sphere of influence.,2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,3.2787301587301587,87.5857142857143,81.22222222222223,6.139682539682537,21.698412698412696,7.447530270364453,0.9101174603174598,259,8,50,4,7,82,42,63,0.243,0.66,0.097,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,0,11,8,3,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,19,1,7,8,1,3,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,1,35,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057991147243935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785956148331052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106479943879094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495274912308826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6032915970957983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886959966721176,0.0,0.0,0.3851602012763853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36399074144822574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511082070816912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081548500050502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557706129661213
suicidewatch,Gayfella83,2018/04/14,"What's the kindest way of saying goodbye? What's kinder to your family, telling them you plan to end your life? Or not saying anything and just doing it, leaving them to find your aftermath, body and everything? ",5.48,7.402605717948718,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,68.74358974358975,8.276923076923078,30.948717948717945,8.841846274778883,2.6834717948717945,169,7,29,3,3,52,30,39,0.0,0.906,0.094,0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25074217956460104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33845306657155083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26987380511642395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27384475835866195,0.0,0.2872440901502355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784903261945007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32263335843258,0.0,0.0,0.215218656830738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846194200954345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663212744734028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418567175923257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomusername242,2018/04/14,"I fucked up my life and it's too late to fix anything literally I ruined my life and I'm at a loss on what to do I'm not depressed I just feel like i am at the end of my line I have no emotions anymore I don't get upset at anything nothing seems to hurt me at all I fucked up my brain so bad from drugs I can't even have a normal conversation it's too awkward and too much for me I'm only 17 and I've spent over 15000 dollars on Crack in the past year and I finally stopped and now it's impacted my brain so bad that I can't get a job or even function in normal society I'm too lazy to get up do schoolwork even play video games and all I care about is partying and getting high recently things have gotten even worse my best friend won't talk to me or in fact anyone for that matter and no one will give me a straight answer why I haven't done anything to anyone anyways I dumped my girlfriend just because I felt like it even though I love her still and I don't know why I did and now I went from this popular dude who partied every day to 1 snap chat a day and sitting in my basement thinking about what would even happen if I just ended it all my life is shit and nothing has ever gone good for me I've done every drug in the book coke, herion , meth, dmt,  hell I have even smoked sherm {pcp} several times I've done almost everything and I'm not proud at all but for some reason I can't stop it's not because I'm addicted I've never felt addicted to anything ever even after years of doing hard but it feels like it's the only thing I'm good at. I could go on and on about all the Bullshit in my life like how my mom let's my older ex who tried to stab me in the face and cheated on me live with us now for almost 4 months or how the police watch everything I do now or how my own who I thought was my friend set me up and called the police on me after I ate a 10 strip and I started freaking out and got arrested because of him all this shit I could go on forever but I'm not gonna waste your time because the list is too long 

Now I'm not saying I didn't do this to myself because I fucking did but who cares at this point it's too late now don't give me that you can turn your life around Bullshit because it's already to late my brain is fried to a crisp and I'm dumber than a van full of hippies

I don't think there is anything wrong with suicide you never asked to be here you were forced here and it's complete Bullshit I've been hiding this for years and now I can't deal with it anymore I lost all care and feeling for anyone and I got robbed at gun point 2 weeks ago dude put his gun to my head and stole my 200 dollars and I didn't care I was not scared in fact I laughed because just thinking about getting shot makes me happy because I'm living an unfixable life that has no purpose and is broken I'm sorry if this freaked anyone out but I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here at this rate",1.882624223602484,2.965426212732922,3.4319577639751566,93.3978248447205,76.46894409937889,6.145788819875777,23.283726708074536,6.360717304075467,0.3565639503105591,2307,67,542,16,50,764,264,644,0.16699999999999998,0.72,0.113,-0.9912,1,0,4,2,0,1,7.0,1,5,0,4,45,40,8,3,18,0,48,23,7,6,13,97,105,45,1,7,21,2,6,4,3,4,10,1,0,0,31,33,2,2,14,5,3,6,24,21,0,1,22,8,75,19,70,74,13,82,1,5,1,4,29,37,6,10,41,345,106,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376849196552768,0.0,0.0,0.05032038771906869,0.0,0.11368760134094467,0.0,0.0626436309578207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259492367795584,0.15877080663751206,0.0,0.2335714049425733,0.05053453208221974,0.05306934211526173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479589777780527,0.2768363606575573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957330720544185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011173674385545,0.05796530112119076,0.0,0.2315103489742344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951896255691797,0.0,0.0,0.0906474216868321,0.0,0.0,0.07321984454212936,0.058524130086292016,0.048893205024736784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742765908110111,0.0,0.0,0.13166304824642233,0.0,0.0,0.06385506603400752,0.1005571602315934,0.0,0.0,0.299951754199384,0.1026977322092636,0.09565703950725324,0.0,0.10203676949296514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861090755691323,0.08110849846446018,0.1090101571328388,0.062185309816144535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771585552751351,0.15744011525779605,0.14829168171132465,0.1089118710133677,0.09678572773858787,0.09522668157636256,0.09080327194991708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019873828865348,0.06042936777232726,0.050851947767407216,0.0,0.0582591656953011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997729411059453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077008737905605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056332339703167485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239515274138,0.0,0.19210643935256172,0.0,0.0,0.0580479505541369,0.2405766311823469,0.1109336627055769,0.0,0.10025233775102346,0.050236876210696335,0.0,0.0,0.06196772293927375,0.0,0.05123429876622762,0.0,0.03789231341010297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648464904290319,0.045310758361621316,0.0,0.08346033336878414,0.0,0.08756418910969102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123892119788728,0.10893864784151576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846668693445007,0.08634749540606873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541903819615946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732604449567364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057066363710513573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058365776664852535,0.05605041631626938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514327785245352,0.056833520256953526,0.0,0.0,0.05167840854438256,0.0,0.06413038285338148,0.11654071224438838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354584139576569,0.0401798688547457,0.0,0.045334080017834254,0.0949192574869438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209372064970309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456270440208481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542674592852476,0.10912171667700006,0.055773142247334005,0.045066538258780785,0.06620241389141315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03854096511338345,0.06174603216881715,0.0,0.0,0.06828353145250772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553494322673424,0.0,0.0,0.052623438996716114,0.10244650584333978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785027023383527,0.040325541767775,0.062065639447708036,0.0,0.10966797135232766
suicidewatch,2manyPancakes938,2018/04/14,I just wish I could go out heroically Make my sacrifice mean something to somebody. Not like a loser off a cliff or bullet to the head.,1.7355555555555533,4.21335218518519,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,82.7037037037037,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.4412814814814814,107,4,21,2,3,35,24,27,0.07,0.634,0.29600000000000004,0.7761,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315369510290091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359915996907425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42615809263375376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286626809392255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771772615623351,0.0,0.0,0.4523202738809128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196735809744419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775078108955666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IrishGuyInNYC,2018/04/14,"Dying with dignity At the age of 35, it's been about 20 years, my entire adult life, that existence has been a chore and a burden. 

I suppose when you're young you always think things will change, you'll ""grow up"" and everything will be different, but honestly I'm done, I'm so exhausted, I've fought the urge to go for as long as I can take and with each day that passes my future gets more and more bleak and my suffering more and more unbearable.

I'm just incapable of being happy, any notions of joy or happiness I've ever experienced are so far outweighed by the constant misery and suffering that I'm just ready. I don't want to continue, I just want to no longer exist.

But what's kept me here this long is the thoughts of how to kill myself, how to get out. I don't want a particularly violent death, mostly because of the fear of survival, but also for those left behind, I wish I could just go out dignified.

I had to put my dog down a few years ago and as heartbreaking as it is to think about, I'm glad I afforded him some dignity when it was clear that living had become more painful than it was worth for him.

I really wish we afforded each other the same level of dignity and could choose to end our own life and be supported in that decision by giving us an option to say our goodbyes, receive an injection and fall asleep never to awaken.

Ironically that dignity is reserved for only the worst in society who receive a death penalty.

Can anyone suggest a peaceful and dignified way to go? Everything is such a risk, the risk of survival is too much and as I say, I don't want an awful, violent end like a gunshot to the head.",8.090344478216819,6.012198115501523,8.601689969604866,72.45838095238098,63.28571428571429,12.542330293819655,36.219047619047615,11.34169021259432,3.913985856129688,1296,47,257,31,15,436,179,329,0.193,0.6,0.207,0.7961,3,0,0,1,0,1,31.0,4,2,0,2,17,21,4,3,20,1,27,6,2,2,3,51,51,29,4,8,8,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,1,1,16,20,0,1,5,0,1,9,5,14,0,0,10,3,26,7,44,33,14,37,0,3,0,0,17,10,0,4,18,180,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086257883412546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799652167271096,0.10196447818947242,0.0,0.0,0.08333253130995931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568397829554639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470025888372568,0.13533763647363176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296328284228004,0.0,0.0,0.13242400133743426,0.0,0.1956790892949128,0.0,0.0,0.0790292334393018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271788968229121,0.1280299536169943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540266430352198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170710779196844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084594761441928,0.0,0.0,0.22026508594980576,0.0,0.0,0.1378934367338897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804591983887975,0.1175531269214062,0.2089297490011613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26089575262732656,0.0,0.0,0.1257630969993047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557419134656046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314187274501288,0.0,0.1731095976748126,0.059867665528785925,0.0,0.10820653133731646,0.21689102685991407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008222033206427,0.0,0.09451168307372224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319845479074808,0.13039296665993674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318821509147995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850332561005208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490009387081164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905882421337995,0.0,0.0,0.09213607823949922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141123419242563,0.15703949613645174,0.0,0.09728439044431862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740252949089924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891129853610253,0.09726786630372332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28183372404566803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578256234224579
suicidewatch,acecelluloidjam,2018/04/14,Goodbye- I’ve had enough of life I’m tired of suffering. wish me luck getting one thing right in my life- finally doing enough damage to kill me.,1.1974137931034503,3.8403493448275854,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,90.0344827586207,5.658620689655173,21.043103448275854,7.1686216300943375,0.8672,117,4,23,2,4,37,25,29,0.342,0.517,0.14,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,4,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680120442731216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010979928160613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360410150439087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040941868355516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38828645640811454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625367085072791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23473072956718524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826061643085168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159135473940606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160778474327112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleasecutmytongue,2018/04/14,"Honestly, its the smallest things? I don't really want to die. I'm just sick of being here. I don't really even know why I'm /posting/ here, normally I'm one of the people commenting trying to help. I feel like I'm a good person. I'm getting better, I'm fixing issues, I'm making it through life just fine. I just don't... Feel like I'm getting anywhere. I feel held back, and small things, like not having the means to care for my fish as well as some people, or maybe just my stepmother being nice to me rather than abusive, send me into the worst spiral. It's such a dumb thing to be upset about, and yet here I am. Spilling my guts to people I don't know. I just feel so pointless, y'know? Nevermind I'm constantly ridden with anxiety, and I'm the last person on Earth deserving to feel it. Lmao. Honestly. I'm not even that upset anymore, I'm just kinda here and going with it. Welp. That's what I got. Now I guess I'll pass out.",0.7485494505494508,2.9040111076923085,2.91758241758242,90.68384615384615,84.07692307692307,5.970695970695973,19.029304029304036,7.2636822038024595,0.4336227106227106,726,19,155,11,21,246,105,195,0.133,0.691,0.17600000000000002,0.7755,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,1,20,15,1,2,7,0,9,3,1,1,0,33,38,8,1,3,10,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,11,8,0,1,8,0,0,4,6,4,1,1,2,5,15,11,20,33,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,4,8,91,26,0,0.0,0.16798673930147526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084617143936631,0.0,0.1406081843241547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902047297882868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539335366034973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455469553238706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321438025594208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714580183017464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872894006458561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584424701134074,0.20257607234524105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481489462202964,0.0,0.08057714031429998,0.11891877855847102,0.11339483861713368,0.0,0.15618723397344045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503249803744028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798203350791622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337566077851004,0.11557005196360755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001437785304418,0.20780041031965127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463960211342146,0.0,0.14243759506214435,0.15444055730486514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891481271881634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607415379202652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948782948872531,0.2475945733157431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578655224341388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816564710308972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825780447657676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625967050154713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362582769863952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274777201176692,0.0,0.12793487225220376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No_Leaf_Clover1994,2018/04/14,Since World War III has started I'm killing myself before I die in a nuclear fire. Goodbye friends. I'd rather kill myself quickly than die slowly and painfully in a nuclear fire or from radiation poisoning.,5.850438596491228,8.013221763157897,6.428947368421053,71.53096491228072,68.21052631578948,9.27719298245614,38.982456140350884,9.725611199111238,4.4554982456140335,169,10,26,4,3,55,30,38,0.557,0.39,0.053,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,5,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374424986104988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5791989570651199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558562168767414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174328618545474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29691824738511285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308247820942489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750595725906192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,electricalpea,2018/04/14,"How can I tolerate the pain please help My girlfriend left me, she was the only reason for me to stay alive.


She was the thing that held my entire being together.


Everything I've achieved was for her and she left me after 3 years. I even bought her a ring.


It was 7 days ago but I cant hold the pain anymore, please someone help me I don't know what to do anymore, ive left all my friends to study and get to a good university so i could support our living.


she left me


i am nothing


i have nothing


please someone help


i dont want to live anymore but i dont have the courage to die


i cant make phrases anymore i cannot do anythign


my post on relationships was locked i dont understand why


i cant think properly i cant sleep i don't sleep for so long


how can someone do something so mean to me 


please someone help


please someone tell something comforting please,

the lifeline chat takes so long so long i dont have anybody to talk",-0.08980914588057587,2.2328369540816344,1.5696825396825391,96.73828042328043,92.72448979591834,4.536356764928193,22.56538170823885,6.238725200709706,0.37762569916855604,737,30,164,8,27,238,94,196,0.081,0.6940000000000001,0.224,0.9808,0,0,2,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,8,0,28,4,2,4,1,17,39,11,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,1,1,0,11,2,0,0,7,1,34,5,13,30,1,14,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,0,7,99,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815620661997476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050073034173781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138848170792724,0.0,0.0,0.049586132773423705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979717617635783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360446716684808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078352597701193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691016053296616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059403158880228436,0.0,0.04017059071629757,0.0,0.0,0.06448965995142407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614451500628314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225540695421618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341543523742836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578629568676762,0.2041292845798656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513230612710314,0.0,0.0,0.08375312245914167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475514265239535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058476474494484086,0.16362762679423398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063968887805299,0.0,0.0,0.07363705451993358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905324490171901,0.0,0.08254849391165664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388622831165266,0.0,0.32573301418467754,0.11838364150510645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819519373739402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725112240974515,0.0,0.0,0.05780989654056711,0.06179932986814358,0.06720313987332321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108069624659102,0.04926646107528316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004268950777987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535029081878743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937908804215336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951308507936547
suicidewatch,soulHurtingJuice,2018/04/14,I lost everybody My girlfriend left me after 2 years and convinced all of my friends to take her side and leave me behind with nobody. I’m so lonely and lost. Suicide has been intruding my thoughts constantly. I just want to be loved. ,2.642666666666667,5.345767933333338,3.128888888888892,88.66000000000004,80.77777777777777,6.2666666666666675,26.777777777777786,7.554174236665415,1.6822444444444449,187,8,35,3,5,58,36,45,0.239,0.5660000000000001,0.195,-0.3697,0,2,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,10,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,8,3,6,5,1,5,0,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30202454507977816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159298101709416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29593479842834514,0.3036618221829465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6101828943254536,0.0,0.2522465827939794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30571178339570004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101383195997207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188027450128808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484779382594525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997950384627684
suicidewatch,throwaway12475,2018/04/14,i ruined everything it's time to die. empty . alone . suffering.,0.9259090909090908,-0.3677513636363603,3.71886363636364,73.2982954545455,153.54545454545456,8.372727272727273,20.931818181818183,7.1686216300943375,3.3802545454545463,49,2,7,2,4,17,11,11,0.777,0.223,0.0,-0.9169,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703468747189765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715273874915964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949230268280837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32111070577085193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kksiwuiwjwkwkk,2018/04/14,"Hey, never really thought I'd I'd be here A lack of caring about my own welfare had kinda just always been a part of me,  like,  who cares, I always wake up? I drink a lot and It makes me sad sometimes? I never  really thought I'd end up here, but I'm a little worried about myself tonight, and think I might need some company",2.603478260869565,3.4442134057971034,4.499246376811595,87.38452173913046,74.36231884057972,7.259130434782609,23.94492753623189,7.554174236665415,0.9829397101449278,251,7,55,3,5,86,47,69,0.101,0.8059999999999999,0.092,-0.1457,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,2,16,12,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,8,3,6,6,5,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,4,5,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34781029181603684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261798465043064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474090764086592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511239476892216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021070797774249,0.20947339201606086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768473812083233,0.0,0.0,0.13950944641881238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217164861402594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549712111319798,0.32238811646554466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263271579267153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677821244593068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670682344677765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391907149362053,0.0,0.331846078461835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122501372863808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AkidWithNoFuturre,2018/04/14,"Longest 16 years of my life now putting it to an end finally I just want to be free already. I already know how I’m going out. I am really thinking, really hard, I am just done and ready to go through with it. Haha I’m fucking worthless and pathetic. I hate myself. I am doing it tonight and I already know how and where. Thanks to all",-0.04682539682539755,2.234563714285713,2.446190476190477,91.37769841269842,90.42857142857142,5.396825396825397,24.920634920634928,6.937597516519254,1.1853015873015873,260,12,55,4,9,89,45,70,0.165,0.6679999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.2055,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,1,6,2,0,2,1,15,17,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,4,8,15,1,10,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,5,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6716464299547227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761576813896407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969067417087745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224414887319327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755846848404806,0.0,0.0,0.2306017476681782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181739833467508,0.20030111940245468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229941067403149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432995155768546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394954161406306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599391063740967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678382725759865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299967420931806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966335577487512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064749549322055
suicidewatch,TehBloxx,2018/04/14,"My friend talked abiut his thoughts I dont know if this is the right sub to post this, please tell me when it's not. 




So we were sitting in a bar this evening with our usual group of friends and one was just looking very tired. I asked him if he didnt sleep well and he didn't really answer, so i shrugged it off... A few drinks later my friend came to me obviously inebriated, and told me that he was feeling down lately and that he didn't had the energy and motivation to do anything lately. He did a lot of overtime last week because it's the only thing that could distract him and that he always thought of someone. I believe that he meant another girl in our group that turned him down a month ago, but I'm not sure. And then he said that he was thinking about suicide. I didn't really say anything that contributed to our conversation because im afraid ill say something wrong, so i just listened to him. When we got home he texted me that this evening was shit and he shouldn't talk that much. I said that i will always listen but i suggested that it would be better if he sleeps first so he can talk with a sober mind.




So now i kind of feel like I've been hit by a truck and my heart is pounding... I don't really now what to say, i read the text in r/SWresources but id like a few other tips because im not really good at such serious conversation to begin with .",3.171082706766917,4.259359150877195,4.152681704260652,89.4621052631579,73.28070175438596,7.393483709273182,25.150375939849624,7.793537801064563,1.0927744360902256,1078,33,240,14,21,349,150,285,0.115,0.81,0.075,-0.9257,0,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,5,0,0,3,16,15,1,2,11,0,23,8,4,1,2,42,43,23,1,6,11,0,2,2,3,3,2,7,1,1,23,15,2,0,9,3,0,1,10,5,1,2,20,10,29,10,23,17,4,26,0,0,1,0,45,8,1,4,17,149,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091662585205157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068260595041804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754709350571824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880254700306974,0.0,0.0958833137026765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756583289358075,0.0,0.0,0.1155542875346352,0.0,0.0907093518262965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730567098526448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188885355936787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020401701328305,0.10047348362905913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548485338815192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371868422651503,0.07327160364387095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724072116061063,0.0,0.0,0.2377216267532512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602565453534665,0.08202964520168335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153860417475143,0.0,0.0,0.10287986016213173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215730214711699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680442121557608,0.05636638561332057,0.08360319106342823,0.23139288152143486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021499002459676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612776585495334,0.0,0.0,0.08719608031645629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356020660937593,0.0,0.0818654515945865,0.0,0.07539619870120583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949988945459029,0.0780043963186755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258425987675527,0.0,0.0,0.09822777508679374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259156142448407,0.0,0.26282000219722224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758893009732563,0.1951233331466428,0.24468856590455634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528027318477463,0.0,0.0,0.2052757531123156,0.0,0.08690198016275777,0.07895862882844777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121881572055452,0.0,0.09666517355252338,0.0,0.0,0.24731070713152925,0.08964528730323103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813883546671086,0.065718745669209,0.0,0.16284841127200167,0.0,0.11788200748371384,0.0,0.09800411210129167,0.0,0.0,0.11155996920933474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295954242602065,0.08462588146731287,0.0,0.0,0.08227049878176149,0.0,0.09221717919347942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728583852264867,0.11213742134576778,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tase27,2018/04/14,"Why shouldn't I just jump in front of that train ? This is my first and maybe my last post on reddit, you can totally ignore this, it is not going to matter, I just want to put some stuff off my chest.
Here I go, I lived a happy life back in my hometown in Romania, then it all went to sh*t when I moved to the U.K.. I honestly have most of the things a teenager would want (I am 16, sorry if it seems like I am bragging). Got a phone, a PC, everything but my friends.
I moved here 2 years ago, this summer I went on holiday back to my hometown and I met ""that special person"" again, I felt true happines for that 1 month I was there, I cried of happines everynight knowing that next morning I would wake up and go meet her, actual happines, do you know what that feels like ? And of course, because I am fat, ugly, have glasses, I would never have had a chance with her, but she talked to me, we would text eachother until we will meet, I would tell her everything, literally everything about me, my darkest secrets, she did the same. 
Now I've got my GCSEs (for those who don't know, they are the exams that decide your future in England), failing everything (even though I was an ace in everything back in Romania and the stuff I do here is easier), i just can't do anything, just can't. I feel like breaking down crying everyday in the hallway when passing anyone. No one makes me feel like she does, she doesn't have a boyfriend or anything, if she did I would be more happy because she would be more happy, but the fact that I am the way I am and I look the way I look is going to stop her from ever thinking about me. She only treated me like that this summer after telling her my past attempts of.. you know( let's not say the ""s"" word) It was all fake, it fu**ing hurts.
It is not all about her, not all about love, my friends that I've known since I was 4  I miss them.
Let's go to the train thing, I think I might be boring you right now. I live in West London next to a train station, I take the train everyday, why shouldn't I just jump in front of one of those that go like 300km/h on Monday ? I don't care if no one will recognise me or stuff like that, i just want to end it, but a part of my brain stops me from it.
I can't tell my parents, they will take it as a joke, can't tell anyone at school because f*** them, they don't care.
Also my parents told me we will never go back to Romania so...
There is just no one I can talk to, but her.
Yeah,let's go back to her, to Beatrice, what a beautiful name isn't it ? She is also beautiful, not in the sexual way, I am not that kind of person, she is just gorgeous, you are gorgeous Beatrice, you will never know it, I never told you, but I love you and always will.
I decided, on monday I will do it, I will jump in front of it, first day of school after 2 weeks of holidays, not like anyone will care anyway, not even her.
Goodbye Beatrice, goodbye Reddit, goodbye to whoever is reading this, thank you if you made it this far, cheers",3.8774618682496502,3.9822748086816735,4.820353697749193,88.90943070327316,71.0096463022508,7.794278176271746,26.39887872042213,7.419758726546812,1.1029118146590815,2289,65,519,22,39,748,239,622,0.101,0.7440000000000001,0.155,0.9901,2,0,0,0,0,0,107.0,3,11,5,5,35,34,0,0,24,0,67,7,4,2,12,91,110,28,0,16,28,2,4,8,2,19,2,1,0,2,42,11,1,3,16,4,0,20,26,6,0,6,16,7,102,28,59,70,11,87,0,3,2,2,61,22,0,10,48,377,144,6,0.0,0.0,0.05678196905166425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515791290114176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930640009377457,0.048416117898214484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205678885846186,0.0,0.09576563436808133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371046815344145,0.0,0.10641048545615038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495576472131802,0.0,0.0,0.17797610519049104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783103822104722,0.037525702593139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091970186408632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153627561023034,0.0,0.0,0.07686372725019906,0.052633334309488314,0.0,0.0,0.26147293056287163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826305438324597,0.12470608522265332,0.05586849797044509,0.0,0.0,0.0989874045505112,0.0,0.0,0.08991002720128131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645514082211424,0.0,0.09307467392165578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858229416161356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062290223089272026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060592647046015274,0.15988984678049242,0.04743004634426229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178499979801167,0.04109909077728968,0.22741723423692,0.0,0.10276010374611542,0.0,0.09772459338134497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050318022438988,0.055057801465782014,0.03884017215511516,0.0,0.058456508586585625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061727049403255664,0.0,0.0,0.04644418608590342,0.12368681957905985,0.0,0.0,0.17950913383592318,0.0,0.12376474365428836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771565347315114,0.044253719091225205,0.0,0.0,0.12921921513692833,0.0630106849600844,0.055545929375180415,0.0,0.10161302073872464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572691503038132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849385248122122,0.0,0.0,0.0582025931187462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969124935205735,0.0,0.046272516129036406,0.0,0.1177763910845587,0.0,0.0529711201013931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813276106810583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513541131260467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729361893870662,0.0,0.0,0.19983005596656989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749853490023121,0.0935367669700662,0.20343147562925587,0.05357063100518642,0.0,0.0,0.07731351119308902,0.07456756406373354,0.05716828167954005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120005157137912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296032966843588,0.13855803215854814,0.046673978832028964,0.0,0.0,0.10787958010933704,0.10500915794136824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893398661860925,0.0,0.0,0.03747042169323762
suicidewatch,voodooudo,2018/04/14,"I want to check out I have bad BPD regulated by medication, but recently I’ve felt out of control. I’ve made some bad mistakes recently, lost close friends, negatively impacted my work with small outbursts. I feel worthless and when I try to reach out to my friends for reassurance I annoy them because I’m ruminating. 

Normally I can talk myself down but I just feel worse recently. I feel worthless and I really don’t think I can improve. It’s probably just a chemical imbalance but it feels like nothing will ever be less than this dull and messy. I just need a reason to think it won’t be this way soon.",3.2925346687211103,5.608243923728819,4.8936363636363645,79.08410631741144,75.86440677966101,9.036671802773498,30.21879815100154,9.573946990214177,3.1929220338983058,485,23,92,14,11,163,77,118,0.258,0.591,0.151,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,6,12,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,3,1,30,20,7,0,4,6,0,5,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,8,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,3,5,15,4,13,13,2,13,0,4,0,0,5,6,0,1,7,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737785006993268,0.0999408275260164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648604036848733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388097593995265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829983052313098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331586973115366,0.11712407194888465,0.15741523673724947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533307450726419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009642970997988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896797937218115,0.0,0.0,0.15513101598960902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515978081005106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215649369912488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063366547966054,0.15731197432282315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676305144013724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502891746633823,0.16856525653577745,0.4856349051709966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317747286137806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101017778609722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130953861505244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670043798132298,0.13013383347459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935567675162455,0.0,0.16707643074169534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thoroughlyawful,2018/04/14,"I'd rather be dead than trans Sorry if this offends anyone. I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. I'm tired of being transgender and I'm fucking tired of politics. Not only is it physically exhausting and stressful to be trans, but the amount of bullshit I hear from people is almost unbearable. Most people, in my experience, think being transgender is a mental illness that they should ""seek help for"", and that seems to be the popular opinion. The translation of that seems to be ""you're weird and that's not normal so it must be a mental illness, go away"". Hurts even worse when most of the people you used to admire seem to think that way. 


I'm tired of my existence being a political statement. I just want to exist. I just want to be treated with respect and seen as myself. But since I have such a rare condition, especially one that's so controversial, having a normal life seems impossible. I also feel like a lot of hatred for transgender people comes from the ""sjw"" types of people found on Tumblr, who have turned us into complete jokes. 


I don't think being trans is normal. I wish every day I was normal. I do think it is a medical condition, but not a mental illness. As far as I'm aware, it's due to a mismatched brain and body. From the research I've done, it's neurological. Unfortunately, most people don't know that and they don't care to. And why would they, trans people are such a small minority. It's one of the most misunderstood medical conditions. I'm never going to be seen as a human being. People have outright told me I'm not a person because I'm trans. 


I don't think this will ever go away. I'm never going to find someone who loves me for who I am, I'm never going to be seen as anything other than a freak, and when I try to stand up for myself I'm a ""triggered special snowflake who can't handle differing opinions"", despite being a political moderate who tries to listen to all sides before forming an opinion. I really do feel like I'm not worth the air I breathe and I would be better off dead. I feel like the world doesn't want people like me in it. Maybe they're right, maybe I am just mentally ill and no matter how hard I try, I'll never be ""real"", only a mutilated imitation. It's kind of hard not to feel worthless and disgusting. No matter what I do, it'll never be enough.",3.7286549076073934,5.278383064794821,5.405530957523401,79.21466552675788,72.56371490280777,7.995416366690666,25.820074394048486,8.59863814320734,1.8845786417086623,1841,60,347,33,36,627,204,463,0.189,0.6970000000000001,0.114,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,1,59.0,1,1,3,1,14,23,3,1,27,0,48,17,3,3,8,82,96,27,3,14,14,0,6,4,0,6,12,2,0,2,25,15,0,0,18,1,1,6,19,9,0,2,9,11,31,14,50,64,10,33,0,2,3,2,17,14,1,15,15,234,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813577719926668,0.0,0.0,0.05441439496010205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757762578857959,0.0,0.05599403635778962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785829279561944,0.0,0.0,0.04147871088829506,0.0,0.057900041540818487,0.0,0.0,0.06017898230008115,0.0,0.07558103446305169,0.0,0.07595909483508348,0.0,0.0,0.06937492466626544,0.0,0.0,0.058613485375502386,0.07134235790141723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388245468673385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710910177618955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963216640740351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030716678718235,0.0,0.04494211693623328,0.06154927818113989,0.057329617781814474,0.0,0.0,0.0665596393923716,0.0,0.0,0.13761943474599275,0.1458309573381206,0.0,0.0,0.0621905635394303,0.0,0.0,0.0746062303529924,0.0,0.06290515699105004,0.0,0.0,0.1933535613817273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190729481002573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669001568730853,0.0,0.04560815107328923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284201769059725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708568768764951,0.03739495050785064,0.0,0.07675607774217592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806116512339794,0.13297054800792193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569637018350455,0.061411952130598815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367177647282491,0.0,0.0,0.1370934175387121,0.27428754028680896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26239686691602365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667289172179304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221612839554888,0.10350035781049956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245554131225704,0.05941299522749637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744844600859066,0.0435904345635199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810881202308345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24777713587485706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628632005692871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057653071273964615,0.0,0.0,0.07616917307098584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779436460422794,0.0,0.0,0.07442858967485219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799776719738112,0.0,0.054018970823982375,0.0,0.234618121473686,0.0,0.06501851913541118,0.0,0.13859129303651382,0.07401183314926854,0.0,0.0,0.0818480015507472,0.058767772271856575,0.0,0.0,0.12040152985789508,0.05400979548696652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139871203766192,0.0,0.0782467138196801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934218115393331,0.0966723581787554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DefinitelyNotTristan,2018/04/14,"I took 17 sleeping pills and fell asleep for a whole day I wanted to sleep and never wake up but I did wake up, in that time the only person I called while i was awake was my girlfriend who I'm lucky as fuck to still have although I keep telling her I don't deserve shit. My mom grabbed my phone while I was asleep saw her texts and she called her and she found out what I did. Now members of my family are coming home crying asking if I'm okay and flying and driving from everywhere just as an inconvenience from their lives to see if I'm okay and it's making me feel worse and worse. I don't want them to do this for me, I don't want my mom to treat me to dinner and talk to me about life lessons cause I already regret doing it. I don't want my sister to take me to go see cherry blossoms during spring this Sunday.. my mom told everyone and I kinda hate myself for making her have to do that. Now I just feel guilty and worse. I just want to be alone and gather myself and appreciate how lucky I am and instead people are acting really overly concerned and it just makes me feel more worthless.

Now it's making me think that I can't really fuck it up the next time I do something like that because I'm only gonna make things worse. Or better yet I shouldn't really do it again but it was pretty sudden, I just snapped and decided that I wanted to die and it almost felt calming that I'm actually gonna not wake up if it worked..",3.3496322489391805,4.076749630363037,4.485327675624706,88.60386138613863,72.4983498349835,7.091560584629892,22.34936350777935,7.07126945348624,0.5269620933521924,1130,24,248,10,21,371,151,303,0.187,0.701,0.112,-0.9785,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,14,14,4,0,4,2,23,13,8,7,1,60,60,29,1,11,12,4,5,1,1,3,2,0,1,1,20,19,1,1,8,0,0,6,8,6,0,0,11,8,46,8,28,45,2,29,0,2,3,2,23,7,3,8,17,164,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.09356659620528154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601155765006797,0.09930440603737252,0.10580771366754578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963633922876275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844852448156861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479947049740039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581163766875584,0.0,0.0,0.09849679994073753,0.0,0.08259349583322917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532141924180133,0.061835690457599825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099509947831149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161896370588052,0.0,0.0,0.09038862541444327,0.0,0.14544183139911615,0.0,0.09206135816529973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512920936737584,0.0,0.1772819612600758,0.0,0.0,0.054491714539795295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466321509571274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617704780099913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522395854147356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677239992798412,0.04684289943037858,0.0,0.08466519648585358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32000851373036043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368860617588711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394978952518988,0.0,0.10197115376022317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584453247907458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647221865614789,0.08372010199231095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754604234126814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427259626820325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281041936795406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842106949442916,0.0,0.0,0.19190165974522055,0.0,0.0,0.07381432874390892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657115790651299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209101956392716,0.0770659863650782,0.0838047317376768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369946484626401,0.06143704835609541,0.0,0.0,0.11181864694017224,0.0,0.0,0.09161896370588052,0.10652796925197763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393206594327096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704836590147218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980293607050128,0.0,0.39084610741118697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andydrencrom,2018/04/14,"I'm finished (21/M) One time my girlfriend of two years (first love etc) blindsided me and broke it off so then I walked to the train station by my house with the intention of throwing myself in front of the train but it was late and the trains weren't running. I had just turned 20 then. I'm almost 22 now. I wish I could have died then. 

I've alienated most of my friends by this point and my parents care about me but I don't care about them or anyone else. I used to be real hateful towards myself but that's not even the problem anymore. I just feel bad for us all I'm so sad all the time I barely notice it anymore, my natural state is just like a calm and stable misery. I don't have emotional highs and lows like I used to. If I end up killing myself it's going to be carefully planned and calculated and premeditated. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything a bunch of different times. Counseling, drugs, love, art, mindfulness, anything you could name. I used to want to write books and find the love of my life and make my family proud but I could have all the friends and women and social status in the world and it wouldn't change a thing because I'd still be the same miserable person in the same awful world",2.415335968379445,4.216172332015812,3.4934189723320164,90.49925889328064,76.66798418972331,6.813438735177866,23.357707509881426,7.686295010490155,0.9422664031620552,972,30,210,14,22,313,143,253,0.149,0.648,0.203,0.9341,2,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,1,1,1,3,10,20,2,1,14,1,18,5,0,5,3,49,38,23,2,8,10,1,1,2,3,1,2,0,0,2,9,13,0,0,3,2,0,5,6,8,0,3,3,1,29,12,25,28,8,30,0,4,0,3,15,11,0,4,15,136,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055535876955597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898557161948015,0.07719823130624985,0.1131236850421516,0.09085448251931903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218414642488336,0.06730228893027879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376979026888875,0.0,0.11679458951997453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644498988786478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458368401551175,0.1153504560603122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803555852958434,0.0,0.18445958794670564,0.12419155037799,0.09778667853948016,0.0,0.1231315380241149,0.07292192246105446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922552262450177,0.0,0.1040806664943604,0.0,0.05582443837659224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090880807119612,0.093911030566563,0.0,0.0,0.17059833725474596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274610263976937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090027697012242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664968193916606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273933524763903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214754719522107,0.0,0.06067608442293825,0.0,0.12454243660732058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798280978817859,0.10787729475667072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989363597048785,0.0,0.07369666092433681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147828214840276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569761926970394,0.0,0.0,0.07481375848472062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122592462319982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640199720243996,0.0,0.0,0.10436907116152838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564334265038383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256658555399362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254470569145612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817013327300052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334864012074957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313535159985454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495822192002702,0.12008969594754933,0.10785032465606656,0.0,0.13280446115042507,0.28606522511374216,0.0,0.0,0.06512014136574276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696110434866528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109764990716633
suicidewatch,Zipsi,2018/04/14,"My reasons for suicide 1. Inequality - I don't want to live in a world where some people have billions of dollars and some people have nothing. I'm one of those people who have nothing.

2. Money - My dream is to become a rescue helicopter pilot. I want to travel and see the world. I want to buy a house by the sea. These dreams will never become true because I'm poor.

3. I'm a burden - I'm a burden to the planet earth because I buy plastic products and do other damaging stuff like that. I think we can all agree that this planet would be a better place without humans in it. I'm also burden to other people because I don't go to work.

4. Friends - I don't really have friends anymore. I feel so lonely all the time and I try to distract myself from the loneliness by playing video games and watching TV.

5. Tinnitus - Constant ringing sound in my ears! There is no cure for this and no promising research.",1.3291923178111027,3.7985411878453057,3.2222573007103428,87.31208103130757,84.63535911602209,4.773585898447776,23.536174690870823,6.18269132825596,0.7575412259931595,709,27,132,6,21,237,106,181,0.209,0.672,0.119,-0.9412,0,2,0,0,0,3,23.0,1,0,0,2,4,13,0,1,11,0,14,1,1,1,4,21,26,8,1,4,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,1,11,7,0,0,3,7,5,2,7,6,0,2,0,6,14,7,19,23,4,12,0,2,2,0,6,7,0,2,4,88,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240673859348454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385965303768118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837202491527066,0.34268536248587395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372109168477355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676539064910816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844469985968552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972539181193786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817104716284288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901359314561185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579477962478019,0.0,0.13699365298836122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196554455108234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977267893041136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512856018574357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43022504802044986,0.0,0.16209087216044826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938824592325682,0.15951230932247007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362847092309795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177601023132248,0.1697006934754461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940903739035654,0.0,0.0,0.09046482824326488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533156072014864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745211645370332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955181532797548,0.0,0.11294557384283385,0.0,0.0,0.1102087671854981,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pendorasbox,2018/04/14,"Breakup pain is too real They say it gets easier. It hasnt for me..ite been 4 months and i’m still absolutely miserable. I just found out my ex started seeing someone else. I dont know how someone can move on so fast.

I wish i had the ability to move on fast. I have used tinder but its so hard for me to like someone because of heartbreak. I hardlt ever like anyone because i knew it woulent have worked out and now im left with months and months of incredible pain. Its so hard for me to open up again.

Ive done all the suggestions like keeping busy, hanging with friends. Everything is just a distraction. There will be many times when im alone with my thoughts. I dont want to wake up. I didnt sleep at all last night after finding out about him and someone else. Im losing hope. I have no idea how to move on. Hes happy with someone else. He was the one who pursued me over and over until i said yes. Then i ended up being the one to be more into the relationship. Then he broke up with me. And now hes happily with someone else. And im here broken hearted and in despair.

I just want him back and try things out again and he wont. This is all i want. I just cant let go. 

Alcohol used to work for all my problems. But not this one. I seriouslt dont know what else to do. I dont want to feel this pain anymore.",-0.3189171326893785,1.8571789893238488,1.7767300457549595,96.62407829181495,90.067615658363,4.9196136248093545,19.772343670564307,6.474141703775902,0.04727038129130623,1020,33,238,12,35,339,144,281,0.179,0.701,0.12,-0.9317,0,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,3,21,16,0,2,6,1,28,7,3,4,5,55,49,21,0,7,7,1,3,3,1,2,4,2,0,0,11,22,1,1,8,0,0,5,10,10,0,3,9,6,30,6,40,34,5,45,0,5,1,0,15,18,0,1,25,156,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279367561429615,0.0,0.080237306261276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683109889083099,0.05417000672532079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957094731592121,0.0,0.0944520459159154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928043613082349,0.3631849732672069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235882788552305,0.0,0.06861692223383331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007757864645912,0.0,0.0,0.0696265592740021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03917201406209468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080772084241083,0.0,0.0,0.08494370900160643,0.05985443526392016,0.0,0.040475760327660516,0.0,0.0440289465765105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247005423629174,0.13879883391133607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180432527322063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694686827697506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745610775345712,0.3347308762187565,0.0,0.0,0.06886039738978969,0.0,0.0,0.0851528291682662,0.06314976709153798,0.0,0.0,0.08417321750796936,0.0792200515574066,0.0,0.11354626298294156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667100425245612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854413366511809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855114907199951,0.24702043696154635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270193268119103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574904657149474,0.0,0.24730601991447584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412994423608459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817974355832714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317560173746705,0.0,0.0,0.0736933177167041,0.06160859711328484,0.0,0.0,0.061734906375282936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752763879998252,0.0,0.3938490675248089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483486069459422,0.0,0.0618689914464944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514687482006141,0.0,0.0,0.06150386792802999,0.04517436525869523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259819191216653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382133162108056,0.0,0.0,0.1827792391637625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908861977857985,0.0,0.0,0.11280062552949074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ladyofthewinds,2018/04/14,"Who to Send the Note To After a fifth failed attempt to leave my boyfriend, and now realizing that I've lost the opportunity of a lifetime because of it, and I have to continue the endless cycle of dating my boyfriend till one of us dies (I can't leave, I keep trying but don't have the willpower to do it), I've decided to hop off the bridge. 

I want to email my suicide note to a lost love in life...but I think it would devastate him to read it. It seems like a cruel last thing to do, but I want to go knowing he will read it, he's so important to me and I would give the world to have spent my life with him - but I made my choice 10 years ago to date the man I'm with, and with him I forever must stay and thus my time in this world must come to a fabled close. 

I find the hardest part, aside from choosing who to send this email to, is in the things I'll miss - discoveries in space, video games, heck I haven't even tried VR yet, all the beautiful animals in this world - but I know living with my boyfriend, contining to live this life...even if I see or experience those things, they taste like ash, they feel like nothing, I am numb to it all. If only I could be alone, single, independent even...that too I would RELISH in. Or to experience an entirely different lifestyle, to live openly bi, or poly for that matter, to not suppress ones desire day in, day out. I've crafted the perfect persona for my own pain, and only my boyfriend really knows, and oh how I just weep for the day he will say ""I break up with you, go away"" but I know it will never come because he has me, I'm his and kept and he knows I'll never find the courage to leave.",5.052369951040389,4.323882055232563,5.775122399020809,85.90525091799265,68.56395348837209,9.218849449204408,28.86107711138311,8.532816995589336,1.6992639534883724,1273,37,295,17,19,417,172,344,0.13,0.768,0.102,-0.8772,2,1,0,0,0,1,49.0,1,1,2,6,7,15,1,0,19,0,21,6,0,4,7,66,47,22,2,11,12,0,1,3,0,8,3,1,0,1,20,19,1,3,13,4,1,6,6,8,0,2,5,4,38,7,49,32,5,41,0,5,1,2,24,17,1,6,19,183,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864186387152108,0.0,0.0,0.10356738508958056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395106339741537,0.0,0.0,0.12191525199037495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227820456698514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983996922209377,0.0,0.0,0.19347059273962666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378175046325834,0.10447623803973484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814247094192872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563373680447124,0.0,0.0,0.0505618054012536,0.07143832555353788,0.0,0.0,0.18279204109674105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592683683457794,0.11366191308390805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888248654144787,0.0,0.0,0.2747804064240293,0.08151141347379806,0.0,0.3176491491804948,0.0,0.0,0.211893846197986,0.14656137016295295,0.0,0.2648992131779757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831844746020168,0.0,0.09025176360212753,0.09462017362710308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542486710240518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959504211913685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552196162987148,0.15210540459590072,0.10640452674242387,0.0,0.0,0.10828768662314396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000493779202587,0.0,0.0640610411988616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952212754106135,0.0,0.0,0.07968516292431738,0.09103408504843674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658416653398718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938117495906104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930194245108573,0.06407444241163167,0.0,0.0,0.05830942115242261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578365103744902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028483431947495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179623839016508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310633796467526,0.0,0.0,0.06439519399804562
suicidewatch,artic_rhino,2018/04/14,"Ran a red light in a busy intersection I feel like complete crap, i probably deserve to die, idk what to do with myself.

My friend that was with me told me about stuff that had happened to her (rape, child abuse, ect) and I was suprized. I was off guard and ran a light on accident, but didn't hit anyone, no one got hurt. I'll probably have a hefty ticket because there were traffic cameras.

",4.787307692307691,5.294300551282053,5.0170769230769245,86.87792307692308,69.12820512820512,8.291282051282051,29.70256410256411,8.238735603445708,1.8297302564102558,305,11,65,4,5,96,60,78,0.184,0.7390000000000001,0.077,-0.8185,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,0,7,15,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,10,4,9,2,9,4,0,6,0,1,1,1,4,4,1,0,1,40,13,0,0.0,0.2967421644528654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512038555425155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267192766889054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26259194348122555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599274437184993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663498899445566,0.17892145065750184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349696288020202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030765516939888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214720096123516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681117859729132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235716499380725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697113263985656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5400546797949191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867052031556648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393156016182037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mid-Lander,2018/04/14,"I can't take the stress anymore. I don't like the university I'm at. I want to leave at the end of the academic year, but my parents are pushing me to carry on. I hate this university and I want to go back and do my A-levels (pre-university exams). 

They're against me doing this and saying I'm taking forever to get my degree. 

I just want to go to a better university and I don't want to look back at my life and say I could have done better. 

This is so stressful and it's almost unbearable. 

I hate what my life has come to and I'm worried about them throwing me out of the house because I have no savings and I have health issues as well.

I hate my life so much. ",0.2475000000000023,2.1866537500000014,2.9859444444444456,90.75350000000002,84.41666666666666,5.7844444444444445,20.71111111111111,7.03164865440522,0.4322727777777775,516,16,118,7,15,181,77,144,0.193,0.6920000000000001,0.115,-0.9497,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,3,2,6,0,13,4,0,0,0,19,30,12,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,5,1,0,1,3,22,5,18,28,1,14,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002572772593458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867990827750554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505077056139746,0.0,0.08524283300212614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473474622805269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045648089189888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164780537600227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310095481577614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238533434904228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305862874196288,0.0,0.15894423901086094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141778106849973,0.0,0.14863931260974955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135216860121354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595263378328918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806631620353286,0.0,0.0,0.2963112728021777,0.06831689061266766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742716647843075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279567673492784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527152135475486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240667438366565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203637268791673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102787981783429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299159908968559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572951296055482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201042124723726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004991054848961
suicidewatch,anachronox93,2018/04/14,"Goodbye I suffer from heavy bpd and my girlfriend just broke up with me. 
Im an absolute loser, i have no friends, have constant loneliness day in and day out. Only person who talked to me was my ldr twin flame or so i thought. But now i dont even have her in my life and its all my fault cause i know i can never like myself enough to make anyone happy and putting myself down just makes it normal for others to put me down so there is never a chance of getting back up again or thinking i have any worth it is a constant roller coaster. I havent held a gun in about a decade but i am now in the rare ocassion where i am around them and i have nothing holding me back once my brother leaves to pick up my brothers from their hockey game. i just hope a stranger finds me. Appreciate the people in your life, especially if you are easy to be around. ",2.652021103896104,4.062144835227276,3.526493506493509,92.17045454545458,75.07954545454545,5.9376623376623385,23.935064935064936,6.18269132825596,0.4279655844155843,665,20,146,4,14,212,112,176,0.084,0.809,0.107,0.7902,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,1,16,8,0,0,8,0,15,2,0,4,3,32,23,12,0,3,8,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,9,0,2,4,3,1,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,30,4,24,19,2,27,0,3,0,0,13,14,0,4,12,110,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528750853811587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825847306637493,0.0,0.0,0.27565728970994785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381044487677569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499888888671604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904973529389635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346254566444511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970090814958355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145581394298407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599774346838114,0.0,0.10226161720442452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150885707987942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196187735545054,0.0,0.08089059378360515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648159689289608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377791088608128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723947318006235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850887402486637,0.0,0.0,0.16393918751688052,0.0,0.0,0.21871744391662756,0.07564053613196539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669613401138048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882388983393266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169735557152286,0.14856045545153304,0.0,0.0,0.16488545031989307,0.0,0.1177527305395481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733738342788192,0.13518875809840197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31128732187424496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444388791213085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920673853520644,0.0,0.1229151560443172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pxuxsxsxy,2018/04/14,"I feel just so.... done everything just seems so... hard. life is so unbearable, i slit my wrists everyday, and i don't even feel like i want to stop. i'm so miserable 25/8, i cant stop feeling like shit, and my hallucinations are getting so much worse

life is just getting worse and worse, day by day, and some people don't even understand; they don't understand how badly i want to die, but that i can't because people care about me 

i just want to end everything, i don't even care anymore ",6.643939393939397,5.392798848484851,7.030989898989898,79.91981818181819,65.56565656565657,11.152323232323234,32.931313131313125,10.355215969177356,2.9608125252525257,382,13,83,8,5,125,52,99,0.292,0.652,0.055,-0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,0,14,7,1,1,0,0,10,4,2,1,0,22,24,11,1,3,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,4,13,4,5,23,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138759785238535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168246132904274,0.08529193123513135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28530883324762585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804694132201617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521146090355658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431833782146165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392468063517742,0.0,0.0,0.2772410134159789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514962443915179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223828646550053,0.1999130593158704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620141821511415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533789482994448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765462826579394,0.13671247965651978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285488506846756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940012670278661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737492307553708,0.0,0.0,0.14362249801625185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339532787741155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913164709584842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24757951212370255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42776126017534505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IceCreamLover2017,2018/04/15,"constant thoughts of suicide I constantly think about suicide because it comforts me somehow,
and I've tried multiple times but survived. 
>hate my hair
>hate my skin
>hate my personality
and I'm a fucking shy fuck who can barely speak to people.
I flaunt my psychotic side when I feel intimidated and it almost feels like my brain gets a jolt of adrenaline and become extremely aggressive. 
Been on and off medication but most of the time it makes it worse.
also a sociopath so I don't really know if I'd care if anybody cared, just trying to think of things to make my brain stop fucking with me.",4.518849557522124,6.921449424778764,5.002840707964602,79.32125221238937,72.45132743362831,8.059823008849557,32.53893805309736,8.841846274778883,2.9927670796460184,487,24,86,10,10,155,79,113,0.201,0.669,0.13,-0.856,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,4,0,3,8,4,2,0,23,18,12,2,2,5,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,12,4,11,16,1,9,0,0,0,3,3,3,3,5,7,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787125724282426,0.0,0.0,0.11010633992353744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393126568815909,0.1520618441517956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307403139273286,0.0,0.0,0.28075729016465023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975763191675566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923496046714973,0.09836191919325338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818616344266188,0.07193453060858877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078051684400907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566786573773822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726575003505217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381110439730966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870276830115266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954531785771579,0.1202208984073202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820429243006025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511050643978304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301209251734861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147154279132028,0.17644548855284753,0.0,0.10930620781920206,0.16057001692464595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695763664142945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031238930015982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imdonewithliving98,2018/04/15,"Im 20 and today was my last day Im a 20 year old male, i have depression and social anxiety. I finally found a girl who i was interested in, i didnt have anxiety when i talked to her. We became very close, i got the courage to tell her i was in love with her (first time i ever got the courage to tell someone that). But no suprise i was rejected, my anxiety makes it Impossible for me to find someone who will love me. So with no hope for a future and 4 years spend with a therapist for nothing, i have decided to kill myself right now. I have taken a lot of morphine and now i will go to bed and sleep forever",3.727881679389313,3.577756549618325,5.748921755725192,83.0113215648855,71.29007633587787,9.908778625954199,30.115458015267176,9.827888789773867,2.5490068702290074,472,18,109,11,8,166,76,131,0.154,0.696,0.15,0.3535,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,1,5,9,1,0,7,0,11,3,1,1,1,18,20,8,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,10,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,9,0,21,6,15,9,1,19,0,2,0,2,14,4,0,2,14,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526763305499185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910582606254914,0.0,0.13235760067843486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390052607868257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834033278337585,0.14045356434297118,0.13071345530995865,0.0,0.16849358453918484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733542624116199,0.0,0.24581131883176535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263112250969435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33198459222550464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700154694842461,0.0,0.0,0.12526331549599112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306465695837778,0.2773902366886814,0.0,0.10257735578142356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745257589639474,0.0,0.1612530747167445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123517948511798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537831337459164,0.15664940815813475,0.2604118340433957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351585602934795,0.2686324711618712,0.0,0.0,0.17842521455691626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960746853632247,0.0,0.14566323315633456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679562053228258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791965709920326
suicidewatch,dafinest0526,2018/04/15,"I'm so tempted to overdose right now My god. I'm so tempted to overdose on my antidepressants. This urge is really getting to me.

I definitely need to increase my dosage.",1.2809090909090912,3.9483880000000013,3.7900606060606097,79.64509090909091,93.24242424242424,6.276363636363637,30.842424242424244,7.554174236665415,2.7536715151515154,136,8,24,3,5,47,22,33,0.0,0.792,0.208,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729494626142245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529299802768784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573011484714022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6096114145350496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeComteDeOH,2018/04/15,"Have a gun sitting next to me At this point, I just don't see any reason to go on. My depression has ruined my relationship with my wife, and I've let it affect my relationship with my kids. I've felt this way for so long, and it's starting to bleed into every aspect of my life. I've come close before, and have used cutting to cope in the past. Now I just feel done, and like a bullet is my best way to stop feeling like this. 

My wife and I had a fight tonight, and she went for a drive and turned her phone off. I've called more times than I can count, just wanting to say sorry for being who I am. Now it feels like a sign that I can't get a hold of her. I left a note on her pillow and drove to a secluded spot. Now I just have to decide if tonight is really the night I get to be done.",3.656971428571428,2.903177468571428,4.990428571428573,90.45307142857143,71.45714285714286,8.142857142857144,23.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.5601999999999996,607,11,153,5,10,204,102,175,0.099,0.8220000000000001,0.078,-0.3818,0,0,0,1,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,2,0,10,0,16,2,0,3,0,30,31,10,0,2,5,2,4,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,8,13,0,2,6,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,6,6,22,4,23,22,2,29,0,2,1,0,14,9,0,1,15,98,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535822281314808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183465707527353,0.0,0.16259026367483842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820161806334804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334591226332423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344162796712614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170958961491154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053583899752022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350129270698421,0.22136511753710675,0.1487578164020814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188984470566395,0.0,0.08805071561502209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833271321439386,0.1584271887715336,0.1094321705834081,0.2270740158110745,0.0,0.0,0.13710883837839385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477061029379075,0.14539201359383008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789893167071014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645963680974713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925260568928013,0.15929461469713813,0.0,0.3326752886066657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320715087824492,0.0,0.0,0.12345974881147985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343229027636073,0.10966078228600963,0.0,0.0,0.1295290443537128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903413662548216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685201665333425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338104239368471,0.0,0.0,0.09138217047716428,0.245953635860871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436223574502386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Graves28,2018/04/15,"Lost all reason to live The woman I have loved for the last 4 years has left me. I have no job, and no house. I'm living in her guest room, until May 1st, then I'm homeless and houseless.

Today she's finally gone on a date with another guy. She lied to me and told me she's just seeing her friend, but I saw her phone over her shoulder when she was making plans for the date.

She was the only thing my life had going for it. Now I'm homeless and jobless, with no foreseeable future. I'm only 19, but that doesn't mean things will get better. I dont have the resources to make it better.

I just want to die now. Nobody loves me, and the fact that this girl, who is the most loving and forgiving girl in the world, could stop loving me is proof of that. I don't have any reason to carry on, so why should I?

I only have 3 reasons I haven't killed myself yet.

1. I promised her that I won't.

2. I'm afraid I'll go to hell if I do.

3. I still get hopeful for us sometimes, but it's been proven several times that there really is no hope.

I just want to die.

I even know some ways I could do it either quickly or painlessly. I own a shotgun, or I could buy some helium and use a plastic bag to suffocate myself without feeling it.

Is there really any reason I shouldn't?",1.4068763035456442,2.842543915129152,3.287136210492541,92.48155623295365,78.48339483394834,6.189058238408471,19.900689876463986,6.8959733430537185,0.15911121450344945,975,22,224,10,23,328,147,271,0.114,0.698,0.188,0.978,2,0,0,1,0,2,35.0,1,0,0,4,13,15,2,1,11,0,28,6,1,7,3,48,56,17,3,10,11,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,4,14,9,0,1,8,0,1,3,11,4,0,0,8,3,38,11,22,40,6,29,1,1,2,4,25,8,1,9,17,150,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174122965703925,0.10927981118535668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434158501543726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496245550702095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632000058962436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214065350110595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688338415949184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526948607312412,0.0,0.0,0.11416379348980543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051720612015696,0.0,0.10889736484196064,0.0,0.11845697820462872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319045939822774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070204764622481,0.0,0.12025154505887745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341853430792644,0.0,0.11529982522517948,0.0,0.057274518317849,0.08495014264071181,0.0,0.0,0.1132312463395898,0.0,0.07361101017259877,0.0,0.0,0.18404969304996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376433349916433,0.0,0.37623689075351735,0.0,0.1391302947847944,0.0,0.0,0.11352203403603785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778343300963375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352717995266136,0.4286065949491122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304684789873151,0.0,0.0,0.11773468374028792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307252311016464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322722142107393,0.08712944055423673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384732740136085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076932582929522,0.0,0.0987848069096806,0.099583080459987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535930120066488,0.09000936767591114,0.0,0.0,0.12293887336286813,0.0827219979957487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940389440161216,0.0,0.0,0.10046073341995146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711183970903345
suicidewatch,2247117294,2018/04/15,"I want to die but dont want to hurt friend I am a 15 y/o male who lives in the uk. I have been depressed for a year and a few months now due to my mothers alcohol addiction which she had since I was 9/10y/o. She has stopped drinking after almost dying when she slit her wrists in a drunken state earlyer this year but I assume she will start again within a year. My family sees me as some sort of weirdo for being, and I dont mean to brag and sorry if it comes of this way, very good at maths and science, unfortunately I am retarded and cant england for the life of me. My dad is kinda nice sometimes but most of the time he is annoying. My younger brother is a huge cunt who always takes the piss out of me for nothing. My older brother lives in nottingham with his gf as the rest of my family, including me oc (oc means of course not oc in this context), moved to fucking cumbria where it smells like cow shit and it has awful wifi. My older brother is my favourite relative, which sucks balls cause I see him around 3 times a year. I usually play csgo and pubg with my 2 friends that I met online but I cant atm cause the wifi is limited to 100gb untill june (when my parents house is made). I have a third friend I made on reddit that I talk to everyday. Everyone at school hates me and I would say that some even bully me which is annoying.

There are 4 reasons which are holding me back: my older brother, my mate from reddit and my 2 gaming friends. My reddit friend who I shall call x (oc not her real name) is the main reason I dont want to do it as she is also suicidal and she has told me a few times that if I where to end up killing myself then she would too. I dont want to be the cause of her death but I also want to die so I may just sort of stop talking to her so that she may not even realise. Is that wrong of me to do that? Anyway the point of this post is to rant and hopefully if someone has some magical solution to end all my problems that would be perfect, cheers.


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suicidewatch,StaySharpp,2018/04/15,Messing with the gun again. I went home from school the other day and took the gun out of the safe again.  I'm basically practicing at this point.  I took a .357 round back to college with me because that's the bullet that will eventually kill me once I graduate school.  Only when I get my degree because I want to make my family and myself proud one last time.,4.413749999999997,5.418933986111113,5.267666666666667,82.944,70.25,8.537777777777778,25.511111111111113,8.841846274778883,1.6833744444444452,285,8,58,5,5,93,52,72,0.127,0.775,0.098,-0.4939,0,0,0,2,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,8,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,10,2,8,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,7,36,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924192996504686,0.0,0.2683396397103199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194513074375126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074889947416157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499222529276662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207764403313616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24350604806190165,0.0,0.0,0.17940940913253994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691725760454186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343973997941814,0.14914423652040906,0.16739459912070226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806394104514184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44550225780666536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834103041507616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890743973727178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981962092010624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040332364889628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonworm0437,2018/04/15,"Only avoiding the inevitable at this point. I honestly dont see much of any reason why i should go on living. Explinations here-

https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/8cipqd/took_a_short_20_minute_nap_to_hopefuly_improve_my/

https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/8cc2dz/it_seems_like_when_im_with_a_select_few_friends/

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suicidewatch,kpatable,2018/04/15,"I've picked out where I want to jump from. I found a 10-story parking garage in my city, and I'm pretty sure it's public. I haven't decided when I'm going to jump, and it's hard to pick a day when I can do it anytime. I'm probably going to wait until my therapy appointment in 3 days. But maybe I'll just do it tonight.

I don't want to waste my body. It's one of the luckiest things I have. I'm female, tall, thin but curvy, and my face is cute, too. But even though I get a lot of attention from guys, I am so alone all the time. I am 26, no job, no degree, and I live with my parents. My depression is disabling - I am considered legally disabled by the government and get a small disability income. I don't know how to cope with this continual solitude, and all I can see when I imagine my future is more solitude until I die. I don't want to be in this extreme amount of emotional pain for the rest of my life. Or even one more day.",2.5957213578500697,3.1355853613861377,4.641103253182461,87.48702970297029,74.0990099009901,8.345685997171145,26.309759547383308,8.634040054169528,1.5879521923620934,721,24,169,13,14,250,110,202,0.149,0.755,0.096,-0.9552,3,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,8,0,16,4,2,3,3,30,31,18,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,5,0,0,4,6,2,0,2,1,3,24,2,23,29,7,24,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,2,12,110,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593787976226916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886913401455336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286633707466645,0.0,0.14631193378903998,0.0,0.17630203870387706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910850022806984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224399899628808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625769928293884,0.0,0.0,0.17750395135713054,0.0,0.1930862305774094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820163015078876,0.0,0.0,0.15217343209602074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857339486461534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335812054083042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998678928538675,0.0,0.0,0.150001553342669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442051035019518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706609232828531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302215757379585,0.0,0.18075755041973268,0.0,0.18862459539889773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282258213461782,0.1831525361410642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536731280112074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010391346583155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426533398237264,0.0,0.11285651094700827,0.0,0.16690000771211605,0.0,0.09905469679329132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005876564915886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FullDPS,2018/04/15,"I'm tired of giving up on life every 3-4 days. Fair warning, this is gonna be a rant.

I suck at life. At least I feel like I do. I'm socially incompetent, afraid of commitment, lazy, lacking motivation... I have my qualities of course but I can hardly find any value in them. I can say I'm really suicidal per se, but pretty much every aspect of my life makes me wanna give up completely, and I'm definitely not afraid of death.

I'm 18, and ever since my best friend ditched me when I was 11, I've only had one close friend, and we've lived in different cities ever since so I only get to see him like once every 6 months. Not only do I lack close friends, I'm also terrible at having normal friends and somehow I'm only comfortable around other awkward people, which leads to my friendships being very passive. The best I can do with the others is be on good terms, and I'm pretty much on good terms with everyone I know. Sometimes I hate even that, I wish I had the strength to get angry at people, or have enough self esteem to think badly of others, but no, instead I just get along with everyone, being a completely forgettable person.

In my studies, I'm not doing terrible but I've never had the grades I'm capable of having. I'm quite smart (one of the qualities I don't value much), or at least I'm good at taking exams and understanding subjects. I deeply lack discipline, motivation and concentration, which obviously makes me very frustrated with myself. Yet again, because of my weak character, I'm not upset enough to do something about it. Even personal projects that I do for fun, I give up on. And I don't give up halfway through, I give up barely after having started. I'm almost certain I have ADHD, but the tests I took were inconclusive, so the doctor told me to stop taking the pills, even though they were helping me considerably.

I've been like this pretty much since I was 11, except I've matured which made me more aware of my own limitations, and I've also grown older, which means I'm losing little by little the comfort of ""still having a lot of time"". More than half of the people my age have lost their virginity, yet I haven't had a single relationship, nor have I come close. What I want is someone close, someone to give me affection and attention, someone to understand me, someone to choose me, see some sort of value in me, but it just feels like I'm being delusional. I received a note on Valentine's day, which made me very happy, even though I was almost certain it was a prank, because that meant one of my friends thinks about me enough to pull a prank on me, but it's been 2 months and in the long run the hope of it being from a girl is killing me.

I do nothing. My life consists of sudden and rare moments of motivation and hope, followed by long and regular periods of laziness and instant-gratification, with somewhat frequent (biweekly or so) moments of sadness and realization (quite like tonight). I just don't see it getting better. At this point I'm praying someone else gets involved with me and makes me a better man, because I sure as hell can't do it on my own.

When it comes to relationships I don't know where to start. I'm not really drawn to casual sex, but at this point it might be my only shot at getting better with women, even though what I'm really looking for is something more serious and more significant, to give me a reason to care about life.",8.26272753456221,6.371210151785718,8.615086405529954,71.90652649769585,62.80952380952381,11.52811059907834,36.11194316436252,10.237710317436264,3.5074704685099842,2690,97,513,48,31,897,284,672,0.103,0.65,0.247,0.9989,2,0,2,0,0,0,88.0,0,0,3,15,31,48,5,4,22,0,51,11,0,11,8,106,120,41,3,9,20,0,3,5,5,2,9,1,0,6,26,33,0,3,18,1,0,9,14,17,0,4,18,8,67,31,84,93,26,76,2,3,4,2,30,36,2,13,36,342,93,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528458157519121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087914289494748,0.0,0.0,0.0868826925657247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694087593592101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483581665165958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045356666233407235,0.09934270395102338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140153392574376,0.14413039110137524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538497906637523,0.0,0.0,0.0935873206679835,0.11391133087131748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006649292659327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567550098178989,0.0,0.055600948825851586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537912585038691,0.0,0.0,0.16838768385507488,0.0,0.1793961015227046,0.09827485939658448,0.13730608123916602,0.10381414721715804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493374983252078,0.07761540699088501,0.0,0.0,0.049649395315773615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098455141943227,0.0,0.17028626268203734,0.3647748108036866,0.0,0.1366883456148441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578268623220316,0.04866191209267637,0.053631805853775735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036410943934019294,0.0,0.0,0.10790816131186803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060099331004572015,0.0,0.05970798702928341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918464515147336,0.13269511738735493,0.10888998648747612,0.047967390246675914,0.09614665952057842,0.04561686429396874,0.06077251041764752,0.059298965303094676,0.04618268828034422,0.0,0.10280172762604887,0.10878122697980902,0.0,0.0,0.059172668185052825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057627140486683985,0.0,0.0,0.08671872905756894,0.0,0.15973191132003367,0.0,0.04189653553106695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322410293283974,0.052123499074273084,0.0,0.0,0.057851240365333435,0.11043013809397012,0.20657194145697969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298026763717152,0.09486388670763153,0.0,0.0,0.10270384462737428,0.0,0.0,0.16579524790156902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555643353139468,0.0,0.0,0.10440034280723548,0.05585214368339717,0.0,0.11664316495885238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043199096885711344,0.0,0.0,0.12986298958401848,0.0,0.056669774731570234,0.0,0.0,0.13480735322191342,0.0,0.0,0.05537451774903583,0.2301346027387809,0.08363957941672306,0.05372592431754522,0.0,0.07689889303937635,0.0,0.04338168179359565,0.045415689727938205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941953668291351,0.0,0.05119791579552268,0.0,0.08168688462871354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961478851804538,0.16011349796781724,0.0,0.031675640624838734,0.06243523775063669,0.0,0.05190707360857902,0.060353827610254165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310239828237224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446421066418082,0.032040569138480544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062467709013930735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HereWeGoAgainn_,2018/04/15,"Why are there people like that.... I am just in a middle of a breakdown, so sick and tired of people in general. I had a rough breakup, slowly recovering, and finally, I felt comfortable enough with another person, just for them to treat me like shit, after giving me false hope. How am I supposed to cope with this, it's too much, I have horrible anxiety attacks, my heart can't take it",4.91,5.746114666666671,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,69.0,9.733333333333334,29.666666666666664,9.888512548439397,2.812466666666667,300,11,58,7,5,100,58,75,0.21600000000000005,0.6,0.184,-0.5866,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,3,0,6,4,2,1,0,10,10,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,9,5,10,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,4,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512799866569917,0.18332142863062825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726213547784568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24760878224481306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008882340550035,0.26251030445295903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298813699151009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839706573169002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380133256037707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341487857584205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616055614389586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322678458052797,0.2092415335456136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459836410149757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017698413468655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27542714825698245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162348593147553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,replaysuju,2018/04/15,"i was close the guilt weighs so much on me and it's eating me alive that i had to get it out somewhere that people could respond to, but not know who i am.

last month, i bought 2 boxes with the intention of using them as part of the plan to kill myself. there's 2 parts to it, but i haven't obtained the second part, but earlier this month it got so bad one night that i opened a box with the intention of ""fuck it, i'll just go ahead and die since i won't be found anyways."" i didn't carry out with it because i've also had nightmares of my friends and anyone living nearby finding me dead and they're the last people i want to find me. i don't want to be the reason why someone suffers. i don't want them to see my cold, dead body. 

but because i didn't carry out with my plan that night, i'm still painfully alive when the last thing i want is to be alive. i don't want to wake up every day as a disappointment. i don't want to wake up to do anything. i just want to sleep forever. i don't want to be a burden, i don't want to continue being fake happy, i don't want to pretend that everything's perfectly okay when the truth is that nothing is okay, there's nothing for me in this world, i'm not fit to be an adult, i'm not fit for any job, any place, or any position here. i can't do anything, nothing feels right. everyone talks about being in that perfect place where they're meant to be but i can't feel the same. i'm trapped, trying to escape, but everywhere i escape to doesn't help. it makes things worse and i'm getting the reality that...i don't belong here and i'm better off dead. so why did i close the box? why did i choose to not die that night? why am i still holding on?",3.3990238123445096,3.3810404768392424,4.683724677170955,89.9028906527663,72.02452316076295,7.690510603009122,25.22082691624216,7.255503002510835,0.8561729415945978,1313,34,311,12,23,437,159,367,0.21,0.643,0.147,-0.9924,1,1,0,0,0,5,40.0,0,0,2,7,17,17,2,1,16,2,36,8,4,5,3,58,66,21,6,11,13,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,20,16,2,1,9,1,1,1,19,9,0,2,11,4,36,8,44,45,5,36,0,2,1,1,8,20,1,1,15,192,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678309286866789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730425598403767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059308470567630577,0.0,0.1396000999312558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082158026850699,0.10341158740595276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501684544736252,0.0,0.09421646170076364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772227281579961,0.0,0.0,0.054702209895649286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606058936778993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679255397482741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146493530331674,0.08104962920236929,0.0762312023029029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577559367333808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550488132237999,0.0,0.0,0.09300130773054316,0.0655321131893645,0.07841519180747783,0.08863042798824047,0.0,0.048205448734717465,0.0,0.06783870783224738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902930067774519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056853397804972276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417126503410274,0.0,0.09384132363081148,0.0,0.04661513231930177,0.20742010178580206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489806153618098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056618346967358874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540583867272846,0.0,0.0623528321106064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387948993524928,0.0,0.24416269184562436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747657061652985,0.0,0.09025499958349686,0.0,0.0,0.2755570296758708,0.0,0.11760771911009517,0.0,0.17723875307650813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720960788181707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724362494023036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759096221493435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016439978091335,0.0,0.08488176321007146,0.0,0.07186814020480613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547553268211898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817551046589199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270195159056752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758755638985644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325768434933665,0.0,0.0,0.5002933256629443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061492578009376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643934290328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vividmud,2018/04/15,If you need to talk If you need to talk or vent msg me I will respond to anyone that needs me I may not respond right away (I may be at work or asleep) but I will respond so please if you need to just msg me ,-1.1262500000000024,0.4716972083333353,0.9373333333333314,105.44100000000002,87.33333333333334,3.84,15.85,3.1291,-1.4567550000000002,158,3,44,0,5,52,27,48,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.6107,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,14,9,7,0,7,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,6,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,7,0,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792474928910851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408514301532289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7603279468860179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813978509104765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218923468697281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41209254633015857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662753195908532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wrenchantment,2018/04/15,"Don't know what to do I have no idea if i'm depressed or not. I may not be clinically depressed, but i'm certain I have some kind of anxiety. I haven't cried since I was told i'd need an injection nine months ago, and the last time I properly cried was when my grandfather died a year ago. But still, I can't be happy, I cut myself when I have school, and I have no friends that I can tell all this to.

What the hell do I do and what is wrong with me? Should I do nothing? I almost want to get worse so I can just get it over with and kill myself",0.8847540983606592,2.0161191147540976,2.805704918032788,96.67659016393443,79.1639344262295,6.519344262295082,20.39672131147541,7.1686216300943375,0.0994301639344264,420,10,109,5,10,141,73,122,0.304,0.5920000000000001,0.104,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,4,0,20,1,0,0,2,23,28,11,2,4,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,0,19,4,7,21,2,10,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,5,9,76,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213312092630988,0.0,0.18149390372872387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865438658658005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981853016928015,0.0,0.0,0.3122176399565719,0.0,0.18810702933850496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400319194953375,0.0,0.18938942074129314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929420926731865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046071704846552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052429315126044,0.18874212225877493,0.09960927762757336,0.14774148419443947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467059413624594,0.0,0.0,0.1343932530994849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391254833841427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343286759198396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499303944795438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474505675798446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841892670302574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568729036145068,0.0,0.0,0.17319043441796256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069048918060191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470741316835165,0.0,0.1981664677224055,0.0,0.11671790649684115
suicidewatch,Istherehope2016,2018/04/15,"can't go on I'm thinking about suicide multiple times a week now, it's getting quite serious. I live in a high building thus easy access. I am very afraid for what comes next but sometimes my mind is so black and foggy that i can't think straight. My problems in a row:
* I am 31 years old, master degree in law but it took me 9 years to finish, i now have a shitty temperary dead end job outside my field. I see no future.
* Ive avoidant personality disorder, i am socially very akward (not imaginitive, really true). My job involves social talks a lot and the stress about that is too much.
* health problems, ive diabetes, i am obese, i experience hair loss.
* i feel so so so awful in my own body , i hate it so deeply that i want my soul to be free from it. Every second of the day i am aware of the very thin hair i have, and of all the fat. I Always feel dirty and uncomfortable. I dont know what to wear anymore, every day is a challenge to arrive at work, going in the bus, then walking.. then surviving the horror at work. Then repeat.
* i am very lonely , have no friends, only my parents and sister. My mother has cancer for 1 year now. Treatment is working well, but every scan is nervewrecking and i am afraid luck will end one day and she will be gone. This problem i just supress a lot but its there..
* summer is coming, will be so warm and more uncomfortable with my body .. most of the warm days i feel i cant think, i panic and feel like im in a prison and need to escape.. very scared for these days.

Too much stress. Too much worries. Never happy moments. Always feeling uncomfortable, that last one is the worse, strangely enough. I just feel like i do not belong in this body. I hate it so much and i dont want it to be with me. I am trying to lose weight now but i doubt if i ever will feel okay.. if the weight is gone, it will be the loose skin.. and the hair willl still fall out probably. I see no solution.
",0.8532025563642804,3.0749383358778672,2.5968104621575243,92.72325758920648,84.21628498727736,5.284312681223742,19.31765193206699,6.613842558306772,0.09010224273625678,1478,40,321,16,43,487,197,393,0.273,0.626,0.101,-0.9981,3,3,0,0,0,1,67.0,0,0,0,9,22,29,2,8,19,2,38,15,9,1,4,58,65,29,2,8,11,3,16,2,1,5,5,0,0,1,17,17,4,1,11,0,1,9,11,17,1,3,3,20,44,13,30,52,11,53,1,3,4,0,10,14,0,7,32,208,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270251988610079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569875984287854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25435596658455056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150291677879894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461323853098676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748068928968336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789161710999393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352112879373718,0.07886920086509812,0.0,0.0,0.06904477318313891,0.19293372270453427,0.0,0.0,0.07466529812864663,0.0,0.0,0.2701628701788057,0.10906020530798984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897229879547289,0.0,0.03987922735369254,0.0,0.0867600932733229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125460809473388,0.0,0.15071996615666625,0.0,0.0811351245339774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064674027204806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244940062253835,0.0,0.15149131471590144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041948922104506715,0.0622190639234308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458187649435259,0.0,0.06740070858618702,0.0,0.0,0.0853936443831178,0.0,0.1297859190797192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770714494625445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444506468730252,0.056597660779350537,0.05887033185625445,0.0,0.08117772478019876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009540002932446,0.0,0.10344624432734444,0.05805233579156261,0.0,0.08955670269207715,0.08475533155063747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666483328616906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229655253678925,0.2191122446602032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118625447053965,0.0,0.0,0.04889889461473699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641955534801433,0.0,0.12165011093399415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561746072529134,0.0,0.0,0.07549223232342409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095716438839328,0.0,0.17487130705962006,0.0,0.0,0.08349253223274619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135108999324885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672737197284685,0.0,0.0,0.04450858410383279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480533808281575,0.051822998176639316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31490084658351725,0.09004271661779473,0.0,0.061227249314340385,0.1858985329373961,0.06862975556428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670724977296436,0.07751672831849084,0.07778669890664161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746187758162446
suicidewatch,beetsoup,2018/04/15,"I have a decision to make. I spend every day waiting for something to send me over the edge, but here I am still saying 'tomorrow'. I've been hospitalized three times before and I'm terrified that if I'm 100% up front with my therapist, I'll be admitted again. But I can't just drop everything to go to the hospital right now. I know I need help, I know it's bad, but if I'm going to keep living then I want it to be on my terms and not a doctor's. I just want to stop feeling this way.",1.1660587002096463,2.54389841509434,3.697672955974845,89.52961215932915,79.0,7.7299790356394125,22.155136268343817,8.515128840125781,1.154999161425576,376,11,89,8,9,132,72,106,0.127,0.757,0.117,-0.7209,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,23,21,8,0,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,5,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,12,0,12,18,1,19,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,9,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148210336027614,0.0,0.0,0.20533533768175372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562369925162192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469889665305348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033124003563252,0.0,0.21687207378654835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201257699106753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27428179850473683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174366809516275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144856408158846,0.0,0.0,0.2652331357900243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130793879309645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107496602752475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892682688591022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607571638154512,0.0,0.19189780966279885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857706902258841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270888319040472,0.20174429586279774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801771907091193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407086373044771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846594249083752,0.1915390611010252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,laylayla-,2018/04/15,"23 years old and feeling suicidal I need a place to vent so bear with me. 
I've lived a mediocre life; not the best family situation but also not the worst. My father is an alcoholic, every time he drinks he verbally abuses me and my mum. He drinks every day. My mother has such a good heart, but her social and personal background has made her value her self-esteem based on the men in her life and not able to be independent. She stuck with my father no matter the cheating, the abuse and the alcoholism and I think I always kinda resented her for that.
During school, I was pretty smart academically speaking, but had no real interests. Was doing it just to please my parents and because everyone said it was the right thing to do. Once out of high school fell into a deep depression and started suffering of panic attacks and severe anxiety. Started studying computer science because everyone thought it was the right choice for me, based on the time I spent in front of my computer. Lost all interest and now I'm not even going to classes, just wasting time. I've been in a few relationships: two major ones. One I've become overly attached to the other person and he fell out of love with me. I am in one currently but he doesn't understand my thoughts and my troubles. He doesn't quite understands what hurts me and what not. Since I am quite insecure there are a lot of things that hurt me so I'm pushing him away as well because I don't think it's fair for him to deal with my stuff. I actually broke up with him today, I was so hurt by one stupid action and he couldn't understand my point of view so I just ended it. Thought it was better that way. Now it hurts as hell but it's better for me to deal with it than for him.
The only thing that kept me alive for the last 5 years are my dogs. They are the only reason why I don't end it today. 
I don't have nothing else to wake up for, I don't see a brighter future, I don't want to keep living. I dread the day I end up in an unhappy and abusive marriage like my mother. This is what I fear most. 
All my life I dreamed and hoped for what I most missed, a happy life and a lovely family of my own. Seems impossible to achieve now.
I am currently on medication and in therapy but I can't say it's being useful.
Don't know what else to do, don't know how to wake up with a purpose or how to get a full night of sleep. 
Might be the wrong place but I need help.",3.277057541412379,4.4682849838709675,4.697382301656496,85.26117480383611,73.15322580645163,7.942807323452484,25.300566695727987,8.441846121484758,1.5270692676547513,1896,59,399,32,37,633,234,496,0.225,0.648,0.127,-0.9962,3,0,4,0,2,0,44.0,0,0,1,8,18,34,5,4,28,0,37,15,4,6,2,78,71,35,1,5,16,6,1,1,0,1,7,3,0,3,26,28,4,2,13,3,1,6,18,21,1,5,17,6,56,13,59,49,11,56,1,9,2,2,38,26,1,8,24,271,82,7,0.0697657878999639,0.24798315142618846,0.06808134515447098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491168202682636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579167537791621,0.05805072435351358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337063678611357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936865545236267,0.06554725428131809,0.0,0.0,0.12758573028355824,0.0770508315159306,0.0,0.0,0.0732148901939465,0.12340433988180093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998632323169295,0.14385092783879228,0.06008917088942847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366878240582308,0.0,0.0,0.11656072728009267,0.0,0.18537534148931728,0.0,0.0,0.04607964493110988,0.0,0.11756137055895725,0.13332840017114805,0.0,0.0,0.1315379516719352,0.07850590743104661,0.035275678589601435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036449744701024515,0.0,0.039649505016762565,0.05851623287510231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426697850906623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267279457062927,0.0467625370296526,0.07371138532386337,0.0,0.06929316908526156,0.0,0.0,0.2987428755090296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062011037829811225,0.0,0.0,0.07668290499368748,0.05686842865414213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711055685284187,0.034084039961857236,0.0,0.12320893776830864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615759882059038,0.05931237802436466,0.12593269483586936,0.06601407537712675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028169157607231,0.0,0.07401047596581996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346089545746924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547046588003283,0.0,0.06694215508372015,0.0,0.07320745853229241,0.07429828720445951,0.18910041373519135,0.10612005092945606,0.0,0.08185512022186943,0.07746665123855201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183359000472647,0.14578079892886903,0.07658188484125206,0.06595121986096121,0.0,0.0,0.07097688754775551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484090061443769,0.0,0.07940874030490659,0.0,0.07173084943672951,0.0,0.07490234708729923,0.0,0.11915920334556072,0.06636324049754068,0.05548055473173871,0.0,0.14121340394483525,0.055594300349262285,0.0635121530843809,0.07278093213263744,0.07881548228494474,0.0,0.05771098069060974,0.07841966867148625,0.0698161719176268,0.07111743495117352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876116751626823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986513582694288,0.07631244851698141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978325861231364,0.0,0.1390478684136036,0.08940619973449783,0.0,0.1661587280353232,0.12204297589822034,0.0,0.1322596188594064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815103741279795,0.21788593687955995,0.0,0.060255240836157214,0.0,0.0,0.04114966927263476,0.05537683510486339,0.0,0.0,0.06272782185636801,0.0,0.06295277220557312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627793705174596,0.0,0.08985376009274257
suicidewatch,Naomi_I_Guess,2018/04/15,"I dread waking up. I honestly didn't think I would survive this weekend. I didn't intend to, but now there is an hour and a half left of today and I'm still here. Now I'm left with this feeling of dread and the simultaneous longing to die and the knowledge that I could do it, and be gone before everyone else wakes up and I want that. I really want that. All I know is I have eight hours before I have to get out of bed again and I don't have the strength to do that for much longer. I can't keep this up. I just can't. Not if I want to retain what mental health I have left. My resolve to live until I'm eighteen is wearing thin, and at this rate I'll be long gone before my birthday comes around.

My only issue is that I don't have access to what I need to ensure that when I do it I'll definitely succeed. I could try tonight but it would be overdose or slitting my wrists, neither of which are anyway guaranteed to work. There are so few tall buildings or bridges where I live. The only rope I have will snap before I die (was going to do that before, tested my weight on it and it broke. No chance of breaking my neck from that height). 

I have my note, I have a makeshift will, I have the stuff I'd need to make an attempt at bleeding out here in my room. Anybody have any way to make sure that I die? ",1.7701636278634858,3.1509570215053766,3.140152719339256,94.1548667601683,77.35125448028673,5.71238896680692,21.807854137447404,6.046907544983943,0.05847751285647496,1015,27,236,6,23,331,138,279,0.118,0.7809999999999999,0.101,-0.8675,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,6,14,8,0,2,9,0,36,8,5,3,2,42,55,17,3,10,7,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,22,14,1,2,5,1,0,4,9,3,0,2,5,3,34,5,31,41,4,37,0,1,0,0,0,18,0,3,13,167,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625327087663873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982081575120194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477078273933977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659136569871203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905577049374582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491244073634876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936714868812804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071464615824064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669705983034747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058584085090401875,0.0,0.06372692030485043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919054994125328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085389723632914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170361621065754,0.0,0.09966763681238293,0.0,0.0,0.06162454453354675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654936359614127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802835255287096,0.1984657127520231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496973051671934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300218687181375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242956070301212,0.16628818535563528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056212998041356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183431558312511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954836746777105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283637499088056,0.0,0.0,0.10568261966087016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184934292157147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628755878591653,0.0,0.0,0.07612993370943195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841420667416945,0.08900477208909734,0.0,0.13654596884732378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163307360719567,0.0,0.0,0.15931001273819068,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A1ex-1eafy,2018/04/15,"Goodbye reddit This is my time. I just wanted to say goodbye to such an amazing website.
I hope you all manage to fix your problems but I guess its finally my time to go.",-0.03200000000000003,2.315875514285718,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,93.85714285714286,3.942857142857144,24.142857142857146,5.6839178017228535,0.6425428571428569,133,6,26,1,5,45,27,35,0.053,0.8240000000000001,0.124,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,19,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146639500217775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512879428958906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169963242312925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37596827278208783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36220456686491226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010243089014747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441450794831659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326832913285347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freakyforms955,2018/04/15,"I posted somethong on KiwiFarms trying to solve a problem. I get bashed and called a sexual deviant. I'm a furry teenager who tried to stop some hypocrite's misconceptions about the fandom on KiwiFarms. I'm called a sexual deviant and get told to fuck off. I want to delete my account but you cannot. I have told the mods I really want to kill myself now but I'm afraid of them saying ''elele do it you furfag''. I'm also afraid they'll do an article on me. Please help me, I am panicking and crying in my room, I WANT IT GONE!
Edit: I cannot stop screaming, crying, and shaking. I just want to end it all.",0.6317204301075243,3.001457870967748,2.7646451612903213,89.96530107526883,87.22580645161291,5.88731182795699,19.55698924731183,7.3011,0.6355737634408603,472,14,98,8,15,159,74,124,0.225,0.6459999999999999,0.13,-0.949,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,2,0,4,7,2,3,7,0,7,1,0,0,1,16,21,7,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,3,2,18,0,13,17,2,13,0,0,0,1,11,6,1,1,4,59,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141310930825193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611320764634397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388485008140424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662135525604315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347905454339035,0.18477565682510866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185272841461035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563926977224355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410928922157095,0.0,0.0,0.16935692098332586,0.0,0.0,0.1692050875109887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328360615320685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406245232396685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956802422276776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379425962669686,0.0,0.2401156983761949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41720221803218094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigsuicidalthoughts,2018/04/15,"Should I just end it Hello. I’m 17/male. I’ve been in a school with a profession that I don’t enjoy doing, don’t have a choice to quit due to army issues. I cheated on a girl which I really loved with all my heart, now everyone who I know hates me, and I live with them in a boarding house. I’m a complete asshole who has problems changing and loves to argue. I love my family and will do anything for my sister, but I barely see them, around once a year. Don’t know if I should just end it all and leave all stress behind me. I slowly stop seeing a point in life... ",0.94791356184799,2.544728426229512,2.953487332339794,93.6416616989568,80.31147540983606,5.747839046199702,18.46795827123696,6.574015621080383,-0.1365016393442624,436,9,101,4,11,147,76,122,0.139,0.774,0.087,-0.5864,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,4,9,3,1,8,0,11,5,1,0,3,21,21,6,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,17,4,13,17,3,12,0,0,2,3,11,6,0,1,6,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941347220959788,0.15081457821863364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921778660521284,0.0,0.17762759175107706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001014372215232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618825521466957,0.0,0.0,0.15970865392120331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672614733266406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075667241208026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954812697477886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682443578125406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621125507342592,0.0,0.0,0.17938520287186568,0.0,0.0,0.11966227734464105,0.0,0.0,0.1495958645540948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587088575106091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042062062316466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015120221311385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210653350633053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801928819768836,0.0,0.0,0.10853109068248412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714562403701522,0.2700024065029182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163787802990296,0.19406342243299224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090972064850273
suicidewatch,legendaryoperator,2018/04/15,"I need help I really lost it all.Im 17 and i feel like I lost so much.Im small,skinny 50 kg.I never did something to be proud.I have like 2 friends i go to a school i didnt want to go,i dont have good grades.I feel like all my luck disappeard after i failed to enter a military highschool after that that shit i got testicular torsion and got my right testicle removed.That fucked me up so good.In conclusion im ugly skinny stupid dont have friends and dont have future.The only good thing is that im going to the gym but i dont know if its going to help me.I got fucked by life so many times and im done with this boring shit,i dont want to wake up in this shit of country in my stupid city to see people who talk behind my back like idiots.Im strong person mentaly but sometimes i have some moments when i get so sad and depressed i feel like i need to drink or smoke a cig...
Any tips...
Want to go in the military btw...",-0.2284700665188453,1.6751597073170748,2.1465299334811507,96.26972838137472,86.07317073170731,5.093126385809314,17.610864745011085,6.351523495107088,-0.3402682926829268,720,17,173,7,22,245,106,205,0.232,0.633,0.135,-0.9725,0,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,5,6,23,6,0,5,0,15,8,4,0,2,24,37,14,0,6,4,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,9,6,2,0,5,2,0,5,7,12,0,0,8,4,18,11,21,28,2,18,0,5,1,2,7,6,4,4,12,86,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055302165402672535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253206952893055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004304727622047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322126754381172,0.4765474829484958,0.0796652007415094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233574695696244,0.1742906725865643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256592979020162,0.15036289031159736,0.04248770874202869,0.0,0.23108757478765865,0.2046286479758134,0.19512336735152852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901766635958722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270542613881742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044692781247009324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744056644453836,0.1986506043498232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754647686684966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244836533133494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978147753743353,0.12059937397210015,0.0627210124025513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618495116023851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637886027163306,0.07100776877280926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209734817005498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944906702647018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823028258015476,0.06480359355959846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504294803298808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260612042791104,0.08043014351295387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653640357552662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027130439600085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741986952634969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438985521484905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kitria,2018/04/15,"I feel trapped. Around two years ago I was diagnosed with a panic disorder that took me a year to get treated. My only friends are on the internet but since my dad came home from prison for probation we can't have internet. I used my neighbor's house for it, and she was like a role model to me. Now she's leaving and even worse lied to me about it. I can't afford apartments in this area. I finally found a good job. I've been working two, along with going to school. My mom still complains about money. I keep sleeping later and later. Woke up at 5 PM yesterday and freaked out. Spent 50 dollars just for them to tell me to go to bed earlier. America. My dreams are all sad and disturbing. There's no escape there. My parents talk about me behind my back, like I'm some needy, lazy little bitch because I wanted to feed the ducks so I could talk about things or because I slept till dusk then disappeared. I hate this.",1.82015078236131,4.1078127675675695,2.8776386913229035,91.77372688477949,80.7837837837838,6.273115220483643,23.250355618776673,7.475848149327749,0.9872162162162159,722,25,151,11,19,230,127,185,0.255,0.6609999999999999,0.084,-0.9893,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,1,13,12,2,2,6,0,9,4,2,1,1,23,24,10,0,2,3,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,6,12,1,1,2,1,3,5,3,7,0,2,9,1,26,5,27,14,2,26,0,1,0,0,14,9,1,2,14,95,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495873846460754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553307134259573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706937725385767,0.0,0.18561803519907644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413124632097612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215577048434414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452859831307852,0.0,0.0,0.17448949199177582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055842219706998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769812047424525,0.0,0.0,0.1667803318740599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669321634539998,0.11762649039418105,0.0,0.0795433389753933,0.0,0.17305218698369948,0.127698467721133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031346084052746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271723967727102,0.0,0.0,0.17567384527283575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108272900326364,0.13532509055334946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120873582521267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487614449195666,0.15259257505179186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783111134235604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579152683242888,0.0,0.1786303204065164,0.16905347758398748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408318700154644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594118662089065,0.0,0.1523580336257343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158551485766887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474248232349435,0.1330715341705387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114686053131007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691532209041066,0.0,0.0,0.29744850697396125,0.0,0.0,0.13149346000054968,0.0,0.0,0.08979986330566841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083841687585284,0.0,0.15515380235507342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960855461648761
suicidewatch,LittleBigBaller,2018/04/15,Idk if i can continue living So I have been struggling with depression for a few years and it does not seem to be getting better. I have tried medicine and counseling and have had to stay in psyc hospitals but nothing is working. I had to leave college due to my mental health making me fail my classes. I cannot find a job and have 0 income. I am currently living off of my dad who is getting very upset with me being a sad failure. I have no motivation or direction and cant see myself being able to live on my own or be happy. I sleep most of the day and i now have a eating disorder. Things seem to never get better and i think of killing myself everyday and want to do it but i am to scared. My life is meaningless and people would be better off without me. I just do not know if i can keep on living dor very long. :(,2.3603007518797017,3.8520756608187163,4.285852130325818,86.09013157894738,76.01754385964912,7.224895572263994,24.49498746867168,7.957251820313856,1.3291583959899742,642,21,134,10,14,219,101,171,0.243,0.6609999999999999,0.096,-0.9838,3,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,6,3,11,1,3,5,0,26,4,1,2,1,33,37,16,1,4,10,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,6,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,1,23,4,20,28,3,15,0,3,1,0,2,5,0,7,9,103,27,6,0.13550524124443555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595301224922252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738967053374751,0.0,0.1167104657260573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530074608967098,0.0,0.11858154976671215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865569071361988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384933561298493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238768733290408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424784901442408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403573493208666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344680431333728,0.12044328450780295,0.14991647266520458,0.0,0.07447013681973431,0.0,0.0,0.14348048506558894,0.0,0.0,0.09571135925701768,0.0,0.0,0.4786144423597615,0.11991787440005774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904508007461033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655741200151345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450999568085292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130020933570602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394227257785953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566438556614271,0.0,0.10798013334908944,0.2467177648159839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135603101509098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443055762052434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165949949083262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002366117199034,0.08682628712760218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199916400732874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361203056710052,0.07992450210570896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062221704382565,0.0,0.09864942948558322,0.0,0.0,0.09625903554474402,0.0,0.0,0.08726093264756936
suicidewatch,dingerz4dayz,2018/04/15,"Something needs to change. This post isn’t for me. The numbers I’ve found started because I was looking for some type of prevention but I’ve moved past that, and now I need to address the bigger issue. 

Around 20,000 people visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline online chat per month. There are around 85,600 subscribers to the SuicideWatch subreddit.  There are thousands (if not more) of suicide prevention websites, lifelines, and all of the above. And these are only for people who have the resources, courage, and knowledge to look online. 

There are also so many people who consider suicide who either don’t think of looking online or don’t have the resources to look for some type of online prevention. 

The reason I’m giving you these numbers is because all of this is too much to be “life isn’t perfect”.  It’s more than “you don’t always get your way”. 

You may interpret them differently, but these numbers tell me that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we build our society, and it needs to change.  20,000 people visiting a chat lifeline is 20,000 too many, and we can’t continue to normalize this. We can’t keep giving suicide prevention without looking at what’s driving so many people to need all of this suicide prevention. We need change.  

Now I don’t have all the answers; for that matter, I don’t have any. But I know that we need to figure out how to stop this. We can’t just keep everything as is and ignore these numbers, we have to do something about it, even if it means completely tear down the base that our society is built on and start fresh, if that helps. 

Again, I don’t have the answers. None of us do. But if we put our heads together, we may be able to start a movement- a revolution that completely changes the fundamentals of our society- that brings these numbers down. 

This is where I reach out to all of you. If you have any ideas of how this could be improved, speak up. I don’t care even if my inbox is flooded tomorrow with people saying we should try out communism because any idea is a step in the right direction, because one suicide, even one person thinking about it, is one too many. 

My other message is that, if you are suicidal, you aren’t alone. Look at these numbers and realize that more than 85,000 people are going through the same thing that you are, and I’m sure most of them are more than willing to talk. 

Lastly, I am suicidal. Well, this helped me work through things, but I was. I’m just telling you this because it’s important for you to know that this is coming from someone who is going through the same things as you. 

I know this was long, but thanks to anyone who read through the whole thing and I hope that together we get start the movement that’ll move our society away from suicide. 
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suicidewatch,Jako41,2018/04/15,"I've been trying I've been suicidal before and keeping my life sorted out and structured really makes me forget. I feel lost and alone, at least for right now. I'm in college but I don't actually know where my road leads. I'm getting comfortable thinking if my life becomes a failure I'll at least have enough money to end my life. I have a hard time connecting with others and my busy schedule doesn't help with having a social life. I feel mocked whenever someone is having fun when I'm feeling miserable. I feel isolated because I can't connect with people. I have periods of prolonged depression that makes it difficult to maintain order in my life. I'm not sure what I'll do since I feel like I'm missing out on my life and having an exit sounds better than being inside right now.",4.772639860139858,5.9715396089743615,5.825524475524478,78.55583916083916,69.57692307692308,8.493240093240093,30.207459207459213,8.841846274778883,2.5495333333333337,633,25,114,11,11,210,96,156,0.234,0.6629999999999999,0.103,-0.9607,1,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,1,1,4,0,14,6,0,3,1,27,32,8,1,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,10,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,3,7,16,5,15,28,3,21,0,4,0,0,2,12,0,2,8,68,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.1409199994936986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495616749572286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802891602767474,0.15948573156975795,0.1228793707818409,0.0,0.0,0.1277158924680968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243771830903512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790137528152365,0.14921060825444069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650815504384945,0.10316409569176062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544648233902439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293599389683666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679269232402864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835521095762092,0.0,0.0,0.07936208449148223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6119918644868534,0.07054976489183981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763684990196036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278503834391328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011334599388398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925105583472888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466448751420301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945462227941155,0.0,0.0,0.14720433144459355,0.12235523383504035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795736970202476,0.0,0.1361015006973625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252991104048093,0.0,0.0,0.08420464305244052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804259450696418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayq16,2018/04/15,"Struggling with suicidal thoughts and don't know what to do I've been struggling recently with thoughts of suicide and needed to vent somewhere.  I really don't want to kill myself, but I'm getting to the point where I feel like that's the only logical decision.  All I want is to be happy but it seems like no matter what I do nothing can change.  Every day I wake up and dread having to make it through another day.  I feel incredibly alone and I'm surrounded by people that have loads of friends which just makes me feel that much worse about myself in comparison.

Objectively, I know that what I'm feeling really doesn't make sense.  I'm about to graduate college, I'm healthy and in good shape, and I have a great job lined up for after graduation.  I always try to be nice to others, whether that's through doing stuff for them, being a shoulder to cry on and just helping people out in general.  People always tell me that I'm such a great person but that's as far as it ever goes.  People don't want to hang out or talk with me, any attempts I make to enter conversations get shut down more often than not, and whenever I do get invited to do stuff or hang out I feel like I'm just getting invited because people feel bad for me.  I feel so alone and can't figure out what I need to change about myself to fix things, I've asked people and the only answer I ever get is people pretending the problem doesn't exist.

I feel like I've done everything I can and I'm starting to lose hope.  I've talked about my issues and how I feel with people that I think are my friends, but I've more or less been completely ignored, even though they asked me to tell them what was wrong.  I feel like I have to fake being happy everyday because if I'm quiet or sad, people want to hang out with me even less.  I go the gym everyday, eat healthy and try to stay as active as possible but all those things do is give me a temporary break from how I feel, and inevitably things keep flooding back.  

I've always told myself that things will get better.  I went to 3 different high schools growing up and every time I went to a new one I told myself that this would be the time things finally change for me.  The same thing happened each year of college, I was convinced that living somewhere new, or with someone else would change things but it never did.  Now I'm approaching the end of my senior year and can't get myself to believe that anything's going to change when I move on.  I feel like I'm just lying to myself whenever I hope that things will get better.  If the ""Best 4 years of my life"" have been this awful then I just don't see any reason at all to keep on living.  People say things will get better but I just can't believe it anymore.",5.869427171440236,5.485837551537074,6.325143790468418,81.48711835734704,66.79385171790236,9.233133057224524,29.773610219914843,8.654491914285503,2.0744315347372098,2158,66,439,29,31,701,226,553,0.12,0.7040000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9901,2,2,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,3,6,24,32,1,3,14,1,43,4,2,7,6,103,107,41,3,13,22,0,12,6,2,5,1,2,0,1,39,28,1,3,23,2,0,11,12,11,0,1,13,15,54,21,71,84,11,60,0,2,1,0,18,23,0,11,30,288,93,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939887135074736,0.0,0.0,0.13183658003788826,0.0,0.0,0.07183074033155194,0.0553801442228884,0.0,0.0,0.052377353471492916,0.0,0.0,0.04346146926659555,0.0,0.0987480287626805,0.0,0.0,0.04061075019415148,0.04409753196118299,0.06438991848955541,0.0,0.0,0.11900671418704513,0.05542509496946646,0.1401292258885061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279351349662228,0.0,0.055374534450891716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058013762197901414,0.06812139576878119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517944918003384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404711746344445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404196585824556,0.044119368082746704,0.0,0.04677757889515663,0.0,0.0,0.0697663737444825,0.09554667732677627,0.08899624257729997,0.0,0.04746586940374317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204524922340492,0.1886518661252402,0.0,0.05785521845177441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160801961480386,0.0,0.2483384869777095,0.050664056415410594,0.060030891946297016,0.04429792567832217,0.0,0.1164553696699118,0.0,0.0,0.046703296619091485,0.11244309254733148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035400149464350106,0.05580095143328994,0.0,0.104912551725809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512415449875722,0.052409802718071975,0.09388712191653706,0.058430929561304815,0.0,0.05805044958137641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03730413070385394,0.15481368449708235,0.0,0.09327156072768664,0.0,0.0,0.059085421020861034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101517393520824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613298489891222,0.03882440911997611,0.0783219088516832,0.04073345702121448,0.10201629166203527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050676512566602334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03578817219514507,0.0803349412305207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661461755496484,0.046115197868870944,0.0,0.0,0.04992635534196521,0.05953991436429752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505359203256017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676680752212431,0.05430164727065243,0.05214751023800107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041999858318705036,0.0,0.0534506457898864,0.042085965962066985,0.048079934383459005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474917952489554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03738206172531512,0.05629275815254399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042544010388372,0.1209189203516319,0.11554001365574472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489987770229168,0.09232362824368168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157858172720332,0.033841115502713286,0.05188954333429508,0.08385692452239246,0.0615926032859952,0.0,0.0,0.10093219046067628,0.0,0.07171455646259776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460439789536094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791832083300846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382203661553183,0.07503518226599143,0.057743880977882786,0.0,0.1020315643439088
suicidewatch,EL1ZZ1,2018/04/15,how do u write a suicide note My reason for wanting to die doesnt matter but when i do take my own life i want to leave as clean as possible. I dont wanna leave any misunderstandings behind and i defenitly dont want anyone to feel guilty since this is my own choice. So i want my suicide note to be clear.,2.5332307692307694,3.7239297076923066,4.366153846153846,86.91384615384617,75.0,7.046153846153848,22.23076923076923,7.554174236665415,0.6722923076923077,241,6,54,3,5,82,43,65,0.257,0.588,0.155,-0.8170000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,1,13,13,7,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,9,12,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162585991315565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353400304375917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088231323319536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536963193091485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786857886778803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40989927162274215,0.0,0.0,0.13671551370745672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820720185209835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990095322339569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011291323312135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42344137291690825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145531286961524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566613387592668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AutomaticViolinist,2018/04/15,"Life gets worse from here so why not? I have no food in the apartment and no money. My family allowed me to be abused and never taught me to drive. I almost 30, alone, and have no prospects for a decent job. I work washing dishes and all the jobs I wanted to do are undoable because I have no college and am too old for the military. My siblings talk down to me and treat me like an invalid. I am a loser of the worst kind any time I try to improve my situation it gets worse. 

I am in therapy but therapy doesn't help me actually improve my situation. I just told my parents how I feel and they told me to fuck off so I went home. ",1.897259056732743,3.3263178646616574,4.030717703349281,87.69956937799044,77.1203007518797,6.941626794258375,25.62474367737525,7.686295010490155,1.265021052631579,488,18,108,7,11,168,83,133,0.14300000000000002,0.722,0.136,-0.6151,4,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,1,0,7,0,10,5,0,2,2,17,19,11,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,1,0,1,2,7,3,0,0,4,1,23,3,14,14,2,10,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,1,4,77,24,5,0.0,0.18270714413931188,0.15048137025597794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441355506718227,0.1597093802597504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486436359265827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400164599479192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537030050850516,0.0,0.0779704401966283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646472140577747,0.0,0.0,0.14255959676866786,0.1611309975044033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336004132852997,0.0,0.15467970971730285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060483900168454,0.0,0.0,0.16058028115624084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891921502077796,0.07533654080545088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893203460642285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181170697937647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122587400513067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466646897158164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239437544880025,0.0,0.0,0.3526926223983274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991789748774001,0.0,0.0,0.2946980601847603,0.0,0.10469474892042496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095382301387653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294913780395552,0.13914559710025026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226272936907948,0.0,0.3142951661585112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,collwhere,2018/04/15,"3 times suicide survivor, but I feel like I just survived because I didn't actually try hard and I am scared now Hi everyone. 
I am a suicide survivor. I have overdosed on sleeping pills three times. The last time, my heart rate went down to almost nothing and I got real close. When they told me that at the hospital, I couldn't tell if I was disappointed or relieved. Since then, I am under constant supervision, all my medication is always locked and I only have access to enough for a couple days. If I want something, I ask my husband for it. I am so grateful for having him and having him be such a big support. Sometimes, things still get pretty heavy... last week I was having a really hard time. I wanted my pills so badly and have I had access to them, I would probably have died. I always said I am not capable of causing myself any physical pain. Like cutting or jumping in front of a train/traffic. I also don't like thinking about the mess I would leave for people to clean up. But last week I was so desperate, I went out and bought razor blades. I didn't use them, but today I got really close. My husband is gone for the weekend and gets back tonight. I took the blades and put them in the trash chute because I know I don't want to do this. But sometimes, there is this impulse and really strong will to die, and since buying those blades I am scared for myself, and I have a hard time asking for help. 
I grew up with a mother that threaten to kill herself all the time, and in my head, asking for help is almost like asking for attention (which technically I know it's not true, but in my guts that is not my feeling). ",4.428998884551032,5.234930868098162,5.28295593976576,83.5792080312326,70.07361963190182,7.76776352481874,27.701617401003904,7.84624498591911,1.6060969325153374,1277,42,255,15,22,417,166,326,0.181,0.652,0.16699999999999998,-0.9057,0,0,1,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,4,2,12,16,2,2,14,0,33,8,4,2,3,49,58,27,5,8,13,3,5,4,0,3,4,1,1,0,10,16,0,0,6,1,2,8,8,8,0,1,15,6,51,8,31,38,3,43,0,1,0,0,20,14,0,6,25,179,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.08651779577073987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755713413309585,0.0,0.0,0.07090007938447701,0.1475417591284468,0.0,0.0,0.06029074281756683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315344922462019,0.0,0.0,0.06817282640503558,0.07402604918421771,0.10809065861716148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910765846675432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095808218975273,0.0,0.0,0.09809881798172837,0.0,0.05717732455090981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840268149698141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916078127885803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471688735199243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965668786257734,0.06333756879080832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264069506217004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181642102716066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382614991652971,0.0,0.09098908214995748,0.0,0.0,0.105060614478595,0.11885169481518253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808736845844723,0.0,0.0974486608379713,0.21680525340408247,0.0,0.09387642968798074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325603668793227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931399672559838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507011265487825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742869777810383,0.09433877376018536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614645618346854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019745199461897,0.09558873546634322,0.0,0.0,0.08912616570604387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091265324625348,0.17039049721439462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433442780872641,0.0,0.17752502226266187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667826641176138,0.0,0.08872241419083396,0.0,0.0,0.06825355712639766,0.17537082181180386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080270171579478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395576925153374,0.100608485970234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774913372844559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058900692274658224,0.056808713985576124,0.0,0.0,0.3101845076667715,0.0,0.08403778353109229,0.08471688735199243,0.09850272919401132,0.06019322451648384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657237983402332,0.0,0.0,0.15687903965846528,0.0,0.14223281917973438,0.0,0.0,0.1643744244099832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259607475959979,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jesusistheonlyway777,2018/04/15,"I am here for your support If you are need of anyone to talk to, I am here for you. I would love to talk to you and listen. I am here for your support so please message me. ",0.7699999999999996,1.5227547179487182,2.792820512820516,98.19384615384618,78.74358974358974,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.5544769230769231,130,3,34,0,3,44,22,39,0.0,0.711,0.289,0.9116,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,10,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,8,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,1,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802500195790294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685132191962591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059893291745825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32657521476281104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6752186991008478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782524507009828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113416460583233,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idcaboutusernames4,2018/04/15,"idk Are some people destined to be miserable? If so I think I'm one of them.  My life has been nothing but hell since I was born, and the past 2 years have been especially hard. Instead of things getting better they just get worse. I'm tired of people saying they care about me and then leaving. I'm tired of suffering everyday. I'm tired of getting hurt. All I want is good things and good people in my life but I can't have that. I've tried everything to get better but people always ruin it for me. I feel like my problems are too much for most people to handle which sucks because then I end up having no one. I'm completely alone and suffering so why shouldn't I kill myself? I feel like no can relate to me because all the people that can are already dead. ",1.9155769230769235,4.006768121794877,3.2916410256410282,89.98669230769232,79.3205128205128,5.9548717948717975,21.297435897435893,7.03164865440522,0.5463158974358979,601,17,124,7,15,196,91,156,0.28800000000000003,0.531,0.181,-0.9707,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,2,6,16,3,1,2,0,16,5,0,0,2,19,31,12,2,4,5,0,3,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,3,4,18,7,14,26,5,9,1,5,0,0,4,2,2,3,9,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405218938482684,0.1321761949748953,0.0,0.09966352908262896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602911829556686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186491906346205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211998473287808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255832377424561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608630609105467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764727182075046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112505599807985,0.17113651528880727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503128242771072,0.0,0.0,0.20092546103089806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072960947535701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822307384231754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251479929131724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682587405286733,0.0,0.0,0.16920317475941524,0.117033361627173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804940843427397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492865066439766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232712678195652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434009144110052,0.4982270930330369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460980321942298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525097131182238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990802451907303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914818671483674,0.0767478570391615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129959282875488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132028813555267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064720218337077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807953756674374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206234665621946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713205073594055
suicidewatch,MayAAAB,2018/04/15,"I'm so overwhelmed. I am literally like.. falling apart.. I can't think straight, I don't have a clear mind on things. Even typing this up i'm overthinking that everything I'm saying is going to fail to make sense. I hate myself basically, like.. really really hate myself.. Every part of me I hate there isn't a damn thing that I like about myself.. I never have, but the issue is it has gotten 1,000,000 times worse and I literally can't control it. Everything is getting out of hand, I can't sleep without feeling guilty about wasting time. I can't eat without feeling guilty of eating too much or eating unhealthy foods. I can't shower without feeling like I'm wasting water and the water bill will be too high.. Literally, little tiny things are becoming huge deals to me and I can't fucking control it. I'm falling the fuck apart and I don't even know how to explain it honestly. I consistently want to die... I guess that's the easiest thing for me to explain. I don't wanna do this anymore.",2.4301530612244875,4.8494859948979645,4.0656734693877565,83.36861224489796,79.35714285714286,6.5730612244897975,26.126530612244892,7.7348632917899725,1.7120293877551025,789,32,147,13,20,263,101,196,0.175,0.657,0.168,-0.5456,1,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,3,9,13,6,1,6,0,21,10,2,4,2,27,44,8,1,2,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,13,5,6,2,7,0,1,3,14,8,0,0,1,5,22,5,19,41,2,15,0,2,0,2,4,9,3,2,7,97,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396934112954095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691964464422648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778415609092004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184770383643878,0.0,0.0,0.11926837804762205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527742526488044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180659429429813,0.0,0.09682470053646423,0.0,0.20656461251062336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432037408644266,0.08209856917209052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896120934809106,0.0,0.0,0.21248259533276512,0.060040736145337024,0.0,0.06531144425101408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659687083193882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403778729056276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141884321656045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994618193081664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315679442131357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245756031382544,0.11517960717309544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670971038757415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603601344826067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447911232391056,0.0,0.08863306278281048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444670366823245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724084813996374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138866061115718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115002571106236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305389843741322,0.07363582505236868,0.0,0.0,0.13402105966997013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778254430947228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323351155643491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171128673895434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlakF,2018/04/15,"I can't. I was a motivated student. I tried for med school after my baccalauréat and failed, despite getting close to having a passing grade into second year.

I doubled another year and failed also.

I got depressed, went to a psyward, and was put on meds. I stopped them soon after.


It's been 4 years and I still feel like fucking shit. I just don't know what to do. I was bornin 1994, recently turned 23. I'm not dumb, I'm hard working when I need to be, but I just feel so fucking lost right now.

All my former accointances are living the life while I'm still at the starting point.

What the fuck am I even supposed to do now. I tried nursing, dropped soon after because the job is livin hell, an poorly remunerated (not like in the US at all, here it's an underpaid profession).

Please help.",1.95996835443038,4.238634537974686,3.2726424050632907,89.18782436708864,80.20253164556964,5.975316455696203,25.064873417721518,7.1686216300943375,1.1182518987341772,619,24,126,8,16,201,103,158,0.168,0.741,0.09,-0.9266,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,1,5,13,12,6,0,10,0,13,5,1,1,2,19,29,9,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,2,3,4,10,0,1,7,3,17,2,14,21,3,30,1,4,0,3,3,8,6,0,20,83,21,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906311345123413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561186847090774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075878660279336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823425219509568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833700018976264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056124748121358,0.10636332433100823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41292477012662016,0.07778615822539743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190767681263109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337152864735188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979433694928798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477451816173851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818231873768712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516173082290753,0.14547517669495644,0.0,0.13146799801535267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252533674833325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33075487791913083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039618590208948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634307910884589,0.14074425116943298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967033705826185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700576936824133,0.0,0.0,0.12714679789224378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506793569186669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528280982744128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538142126863094,0.0,0.2377991725884369,0.12447435176926715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216599986405187,0.16194389909961146,0.0,0.0,0.17909007169038138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801769272977735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083899009472656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876307717811474
suicidewatch,Throwawayacc2828,2018/04/15,"Hey, I'm here for you If you need someone to share a thought with, I'm listening. PM me if you need someone to talk to.",1.1944444444444429,1.8248212222222229,3.2231481481481516,95.9991666666667,77.51851851851852,6.881481481481483,28.314814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.1136814814814815,91,4,24,1,2,31,18,27,0.0,0.913,0.087,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5886325039615025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6726297144734611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190347907158501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31511560545338896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seriou,2018/04/15,"My brain is programmed to hate itself and I'm a delusional wreck. When I was born, my dad wanted to keep living his personal life and my mother agreed to do all the parenting. I grew up without love from my father and was socially fucked up by elementary school. I grew up as a complete social pariah, and in middle school I realized the reason nobody liked me was because I was a disgusting, bratty little shit. Around this time, my dad was severely depressed and took it out on me emotionally. He also convinced everyone around me that I was a complete tantrum-throwing monster. I didn't learn how socialization worked without getting completely cut out until I was 19. Now it's two years later and I'm still in a deep hole. But now I regularly and uncontrollably verbally and physically abuse myself. I feel incredibly alone. I understand I'm not likable, or a person that people want to be around. But I just want to feel like I'm worth something to someone. I have a habit of reading into things people say too deeply and obsessing over people I get crushes on, but it always ends in tragedy from my own mistakes, misreading or doing. I'm a creepy fuck who can't even operate on a level to reach a romantic point with someone. My brain is inherently broken.

I'm so tired of the constant pain in my chest. I'm tired of the constant invasion of images of me dying, being executed or meeting horrible tragedy. I'm tired of resisting that burning tension in my mind to attack my head, I'm tired of collapsing at home and having no will to move and losing myself in my head at work and being a useless weight. I hate myself more than anything and I can't stop, I need this pain to end. I don't know what to do.",5.402506142506142,6.2936011111111165,6.507175812175813,75.3688882063882,67.91891891891892,9.41790881790882,31.95318045318045,9.573946990214177,3.048292492492493,1362,56,246,28,22,457,186,333,0.28800000000000003,0.66,0.052000000000000005,-0.9983,2,1,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,0,3,13,21,8,3,15,0,22,17,6,2,1,47,48,25,1,5,10,5,3,2,0,1,7,1,1,2,12,20,1,2,7,1,1,4,8,17,0,1,9,4,37,4,48,35,3,44,0,3,0,3,16,26,3,3,16,169,49,7,0.0,0.10085327563937092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881586444000688,0.0,0.06807042957851211,0.0708266550040113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004650353099169,0.2273245272128571,0.0,0.09683628310344228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188835914833551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900441315063876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677400871435319,0.18396895121747525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331372732138934,0.0,0.08834111652421679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574853800109907,0.1507821019649342,0.0,0.0,0.056220954184278346,0.0,0.0,0.08133580335408085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860784545006928,0.060809741730597174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738412830737794,0.08894336880974674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680767460458791,0.17471534482535955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538229565912463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565856295033296,0.0,0.0,0.04677972339861553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012277005730336,0.08317066036318231,0.08531259722865672,0.07516251542000367,0.0,0.0,0.09522750201519066,0.0,0.0,0.07682411916644499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859469303837218,0.0,0.0,0.09046908425502376,0.0,0.06311539804695591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811473530499842,0.0,0.09451568163346956,0.0,0.0,0.17703446163664338,0.14864699352614774,0.0,0.0,0.08046590887893502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514303009230534,0.0,0.0,0.08751753199945075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769083681861393,0.0,0.17229195939460445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961613663729017,0.08737445208391292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603073477283206,0.14424379177667468,0.06552953105539991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797693829054599,0.07116412758609092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654994268575614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963415384200364,0.3913316522788339,0.0,0.0,0.0945714468742926,0.0,0.0,0.08314986709910975,0.0886129171424676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061793603230025,0.0,0.0,0.10365322295236684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641052761274056,0.0,0.1239367408693657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481448627709232
suicidewatch,gigfguhhfgu,2018/04/15,I want die God .. am so mentally retard am like -40 IQ hardly finished university dropped 2 years unemployed since 1 year ,4.836818181818182,7.434240863636365,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,72.18181818181819,9.854545454545457,33.72727272727273,10.125756701596842,4.172381818181817,97,5,16,3,2,32,21,22,0.266,0.527,0.207,-0.5688,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430022202093486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711695840339444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242686489671435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41755988594694005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427484800624669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443900004728849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336460987344848
suicidewatch,ki416,2018/04/15,"i'm afraid of surviving an attempted suicide i'm 16. i want to die but i don't want my family to find my dead body and i don't like thinking about everything i'd face if i survive. i decided on overdosing as my method of suicide and i'm deeply afraid of surviving it. i've been dealing with depression silently and if i survive my attempt everyone would know what's been going on. i'm afraid of the inevitable damage i'd do from overdosing on pills, i'm afraid of being thrown into a mental hospital, i'm afraid of other people being terrified of speaking to me and i'm afraid of being isolated and shut\-in by my family for my protection. sometimes i wonder if i should just continue suffering silently until i can really be sure i won't wake up. i don't want to deal with all the  therapy and whatnot that would come from an attempted suicide; i strongly believe therapy will only make me feel worse. i know they're professionals but having to open up and be forced to do these activities to make myself ""feel better"" would make matters harder to cope with. does anyone share similar fears? i'm somewhat set on ending it all tomorrow but this fear is preventing me from doing so. ",4.700469066937121,6.133482814655174,6.160801217038543,75.1996146044625,69.99137931034483,9.94158215010142,31.75050709939148,10.194018383442646,3.541314097363084,951,42,169,26,17,323,125,232,0.252,0.664,0.084,-0.9949,0,0,1,0,0,4,17.0,0,0,0,9,3,16,0,8,5,0,22,4,3,3,3,44,44,16,5,10,7,0,2,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,7,13,0,2,8,0,0,2,4,11,0,0,2,3,23,5,34,31,3,15,0,3,0,0,4,8,0,5,5,109,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969975640839513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453310645540124,0.0,0.11345753311040868,0.0,0.14249555895362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050604718681906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645121139801943,0.1104915613550437,0.0,0.13313943040733656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226294488772294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136223083943542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258168060754497,0.11529415970172538,0.0,0.2418710966144042,0.2887122640987191,0.12972935880230185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725003734269485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290724187754559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100400748720654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267350234542618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568934192339425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928096527407218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756641625034644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893656888262556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218256580223011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126877006103268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209684438640386,0.0,0.1209069617205598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29340983353853084,0.0,0.0,0.0821997579369456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269972013198629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391194576672868,0.0,0.0,0.1307332313296653,0.2733896501664328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ringzs,2018/04/15,"scared I've been spiraling for the past couple of weeks due to verbal and mental abuse I had experienced from my mother in december/january.
It's hard to wake up and go to school. it's hard to get up. depression and anxiety runs in my family so this comes w no surprise to me, my anxiety has gotten worse and am most definitely depressed. 
I dont think i would ever act out on it but the thought of hurting myself and leaving everyones lives would be for the best, its been heavy on my mind for the past couple of days. I've gone to a few friends about it and they reassure me with love and positivity but it still isnt enough. 
My boyfriend hasnt been due to clashing schedules, i went to him with this and he reassured me too, but i cant help but feel that im a nuisance and he would be better off if i wasnt there. 
this is the first time ive come to this point and i dont know what to do. my thoughts scare the hell out of me.
",2.5113636363636402,3.606277712121212,4.09941414141414,89.18245454545456,74.9090909090909,7.906262626262626,24.816161616161608,8.447377352677275,1.3180501010101011,729,23,169,13,15,244,114,198,0.159,0.6859999999999999,0.155,0.7217,0,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,1,3,6,13,1,2,8,0,20,2,1,0,1,32,33,16,0,4,5,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,16,0,0,5,0,0,7,7,6,0,1,10,4,21,7,30,18,4,28,1,3,0,1,10,10,1,2,11,116,33,1,0.0,0.1531916042887753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781828138300303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568550631927395,0.11434955577002533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227497295118776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861215018763881,0.0,0.08338358356584429,0.0,0.22272053006811995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030619372865312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359470337125556,0.0,0.0,0.11695333402089728,0.0,0.12354543888571425,0.0,0.0,0.12188636440980685,0.0,0.06537465667853706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099769484504294,0.0,0.0,0.09989180412995237,0.0,0.0675504948770066,0.0,0.07348045116583178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164308324690885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666267881894361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841131979895396,0.0,0.13965912039791176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105630263556377,0.0,0.0,0.13690310243147413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141684912718418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669239287043515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029739448172434,0.0,0.1305495341198236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468504690779413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222410817667473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889061170896444,0.13085188110346546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325392175266757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284602658640941,0.0,0.2052891252322827,0.07539205451056429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371141232149768,0.0,0.0,0.11985632994836673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317610785030873,0.2755390866663064,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrownawayalready932,2018/04/15,"Tired of trying I don't even know where to begin. I'm a 30 year old psychologist, with training and a lot of experience in therapy and helping others, and I want to die. I'm sick of always being there for other people and them never being there in return; I'm sick of having jobs where I do good work but end up burnt out because of the crappy way the NHS works and the shitty management and bitchy colleagues that this field seems to attract; I'm sick of not having a job right now, I did a masters and got the highest grade and have so much experience but still can't get a job I would like to do; I'm sick of feeling like everyone else is moving on with their lives and getting what they want out of life and then here I am, hating myself and feeling worthless and that my worth is only based on how much I can do for other people rather than anything else. I'm sick of bad relationships, feeling like this is karma for leaving an unhappy relationship before, feeling like everyone just goes away eventually - is it me? Am I so terrible? I like to think that i am a really kind and thoughtful and considerate person, and actually I am, and I am REALLY good at my job and psychology and research and everything but where has this got me? No where. 

The only reason I exist is to keep my parents happy, because I know they would be devastated if I killed myself, and because I want them to be ok and they really need someone to look after them because everyone has flown the nest and I am the only one who seems to care enough about them to do things with them still, and I can just see that when I'm older my life is going to be caring for my parents when none of my siblings will help and they are elderly and ill.

But now I'm seriously thinking that they will be ok, and if I am not around then maybe someone else will step up. And so I've decided that if I can make my death look like an accident, that will be easier on my parents because they know I am clumsy and accident prone. So it's what I want to do. 

I don't even know why I'm writing here. I suppose the whole of my life I have just really wanted someone to talk to, who's not going to go away. I have a boyfriend, but he is on holiday with his family and his crazy controlling mum doesn't know about me because she thinks he doesn't need a girlfriend and shouldn't have one, so he had to go to sleep because she controls everything about him still (he's only a couple of years younger than me) and he needs his 8 hours sleep or I don't know, the world will end or something according to her. So i'm really upset, and he had to leave and go to sleep (8 hours ahead timezone at the moment). I am actually going to therapy recently too, and my therapist is lovely, but i feel like she is overwhelmed with all the new stuff I keep bringing every session. There's a lot of it. And I've been to therapy a few times before, and it's helped to a certain extent, in that I understand why certain people have done certain things adn the why some things are as they are, but it hasn't changed how i feel, that I am just alive for my parents sake.

So yeah. Sorry this is so rambling and crap and whiney. But I'm tired of trying all the time and the thought of just dying is increasingly irresistible. 

Edit: wow so bad formatting. ",6.872589778380824,5.4012781522388105,7.544898236092267,77.1313048394392,65.23880597014926,10.6883763003166,32.989597467209414,9.650220023710373,2.8105024875621885,2582,85,532,43,33,864,261,670,0.154,0.6829999999999999,0.163,-0.6809,8,0,1,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,13,6,40,31,3,2,28,3,68,16,4,6,6,120,129,68,4,15,22,5,6,7,1,8,11,0,0,1,29,47,0,4,23,1,1,10,14,10,0,2,9,9,71,21,72,105,13,60,1,2,3,1,44,22,1,10,34,376,100,11,0.0,0.0,0.10641718411708458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536921683642946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044869477559702615,0.0485388623194418,0.0,0.0,0.10245617520332308,0.0,0.09105229317644564,0.2326657883459023,0.0,0.09279361816395264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111838627109802,0.0,0.05768028244998093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230897961738076,0.0,0.060330940483579336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317680528418235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055798065852700855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664607038436638,0.0,0.09658603641118277,0.056338961211623566,0.0,0.07202657420410524,0.0,0.04593971368898468,0.1563030909222307,0.09800721411413343,0.10667194009786543,0.051401372834571725,0.0,0.16541704815646655,0.1558108516171764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697418557269684,0.0,0.18592708469317012,0.0914660648020263,0.08721734096915885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804293898634761,0.0,0.05383220721129005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964099273249434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739239937074198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643083003403302,0.09692875508046794,0.060323899007220586,0.056779458202395126,0.17979327819164526,0.0,0.0,0.1154683289531864,0.0,0.0,0.11553798459275393,0.18646732695217488,0.0,0.04814662586943419,0.0,0.09157463381700924,0.0,0.0,0.0927105103214376,0.04921099437115504,0.0,0.036395900145778835,0.0,0.054777750234766574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795150851507697,0.08016438390942322,0.1212889206562582,0.04205308671299925,0.052660641560178106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057214877112803236,0.0,0.07389518193058646,0.16587505685516993,0.0,0.0,0.24217450078527394,0.0,0.0,0.11340243128887754,0.04760917821820879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465074431926084,0.05606084158636828,0.053836917616974005,0.11707901544403372,0.0,0.04656410229886928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043449412483732505,0.09927513143457872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369330844853786,0.0,0.13859671615271327,0.041976054120776964,0.0,0.061036339298912765,0.0,0.0,0.13063134718160976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062418147324705214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382517689424257,0.0,0.0,0.1870624699455572,0.06330779579013793,0.10867207882339312,0.1048123681689265,0.0,0.08657361236462177,0.06358800053519474,0.12533706827035038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740378716182923,0.0,0.0,0.056762509144579525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608014618911924,0.04327945374613885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760115422105646,0.06087528095270699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938978439944913,0.0,0.0,0.07746607474818645,0.0,0.0,0.07022470039117458
suicidewatch,MindlessSock,2018/04/15,"I know how to help myself but don't want to There are so many things that I can come up with that would help my mental health. I know I could talk to my parents and friends about it and they would help me, but I feel like I would rather stay where I am.
I'm telling myself that I could be happy again, but being sad is so much easier and more comfortable. I'd rather stay where I am cause I know that will lead to my suicide.",1.2657608695652165,2.7810703586956578,2.105869565217393,100.44728260869567,79.1086956521739,5.469565217391305,16.934782608695652,5.985473137389443,-0.7767652173913047,331,5,83,2,8,103,56,92,0.107,0.617,0.276,0.9622,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,10,5,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,3,0,23,21,9,1,8,5,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,17,4,7,13,2,8,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369960929378126,0.0,0.15403945025524188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28554987552322336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041785323335312,0.12775058137018458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815755131915142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903595063624603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007958584869064,0.0,0.0,0.3595821579358149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29482793498706444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873634709830757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812975952376587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021067015109413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314548575188267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856083801124932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812012427242316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560241066263212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437304723973019,0.15629844306052595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188014921451471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547393857905507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810903791166764,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sohappyinthenightims,2018/04/15,"I couldn't think of one I've been wanting to post here for a month but couldn't find the ""whateverisneeded"" to do so, I really hope to rant and have my tantrum properly lol... 

Every day I feel like I'm free falling from the sky. It's an accurate description because there's **nothing** to rely on and that's the thing that has been hunting me the most. 

I've started to realize more the extent to how much my childhood has affected me and how messed up I am today, it's a door that I low-key wish never was opened, there're things I wish they were back then and things I wish were happening now, sadly I don't think I have the power to make anything change...

I'd love everything to be completely normal for a day and not to wonder how is it like loving your dad so so much, the way it feels hugging him during the cold nights, how is it like being put to bed, protected and taken care of... I bet it's warm :). Instead of that I got sexually harassed by my own mom, sexually abused by a fucking crazy dude, humiliated, insulted, abandoned, neglected and so on. 

I don't think there's a lot of people out there who can say that they were left in an apartment during a whole week alone and locked with no television, computer or games, just a huge amount of chocolate donuts and a radio with 3 stations, and repeat this situation almost every single day during years.

I'm not sure if there is someone who woke up because their mother was jerking them off.

Has any of you ever been told by your ""male parent"" (the times you were with him) that he liked to be with you because you are very stupid and thanks to that he can force you to open your fucking mouth and eat the shit he defecates out of his ass while you remain shut up during and after the process with a devil smile and glare? anyone?

I wonder how different would I be today if I was a bit selfish and had denounced it and stop that hell, I was just a 5 years old kiddo tho when it all started to be something really serious, I thought that was normal tho, maybe I wouldn't have this beyond deep depression, the panic- level anxiety, maybe I wouldn't be pursuing the ""perfect body"" **so obsessively** thinking that it will land me in a perfect life yet only thing I have is a shitty self-esteem that I can't even look in the mirror and that I look worse every day because of the stress my mind has me under and as result I don't eat, I don't go out, I don't have the energy to hang out with friends, have social anxiety.

I have an infinitely hard time to reciprocate feelings, I don't think I ever have, it scares me and makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason, I don't like any kind of ""commitment"" (except dad-son) and I could freak out and never speak a word to said person again at any moment if I feel ""disgusted"" by the affection we have. It's a curse because even tho I probably want that affection a part of me avoids it lol. 

I've been always so strong but I don't wanna be anymore, I wanna rest during one day of it, be weak, such a pussy and have a nice dad to hug me soooo tight and feel loved and cuddle and love him and prepare dinner for him, too. Just tell me Reddit, how do I live this way? if no matter how hard I try; my hunger for love, attention, and security from a dad may **never** be met. I couldn't think of one right now. It's taking too many tools on me, I don't know what do I continue for, in fact, I am not sure I want to... not this way, it's pointless tbh.

It's saaaad, it's blueeeee, I'M blueeee, in spite of everything that has happened, I'd be so happy if I had a dad, I'd be motivated, I'd feel loved, I could love him.  Why the hell do I have ""to be so strong"", I mean, excuse me, when did I say I wanted to? when did I say I wanted to be mature and have a lot of ~~bad~~ experience~~s~~ thanks to having gone through it, is this for real? I don't remember signing up at any school to be tested through living in hell and not having anyone, this should be a prank and it can definitely end right now lol. 

Geez, this took me 6 hours, it was hard. I've omitted too much stuff, I've probably used a shitty grammar and what not but this is the way I ended up doing it. 

I'd be glad to hear your stories as well and just in case, if there's someone who wants to get me out of my misery and be the dad I need just let me know... I pay back, I promise lol.

Bye.",2.991606632361353,3.9981060843507237,4.441527091110888,87.5338730535096,73.61709211986681,7.458386304779202,23.973379746409712,7.84624498591911,1.0306520902700709,3366,93,739,45,66,1123,372,901,0.168,0.6459999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.9795,3,2,1,0,1,0,136.0,1,10,4,6,50,63,13,5,46,4,94,22,4,16,12,162,160,68,0,30,22,8,12,5,1,6,2,6,2,2,53,48,4,7,25,2,3,6,27,29,1,4,27,21,95,35,94,104,17,93,4,4,2,13,59,38,7,17,50,505,148,5,0.0,0.06557474053693706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055419993873889545,0.05732069876732731,0.0,0.0,0.04605144945013672,0.0,0.0,0.15054591251049024,0.0,0.08467750263063017,0.0,0.05488733957672152,0.07739698109044739,0.0,0.04554419542096964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511373288782045,0.04621073900891374,0.1686889030856236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060422374090436014,0.06147578613030982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642788646501795,0.0,0.05854764081759607,0.0,0.058028149092396814,0.0,0.0,0.08837691173556028,0.0,0.0,0.17846463854060213,0.0,0.04766854240893991,0.0,0.0,0.05782371509949144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326344440329615,0.0,0.0,0.09803843406455193,0.0,0.0,0.07310966272539947,0.10012538962505026,0.13989157518385728,0.0,0.09948098250842413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195888561811371,0.039538458327925616,0.0,0.0,0.05058430081877836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042759387291488316,0.10233106771159202,0.028915463058610782,0.0,0.03145382243437705,0.0,0.04426442915355217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788275011946147,0.05891575074579838,0.14873466941887584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237780464658549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497004402455072,0.05450364802175228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576332705640667,0.060832297311251324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060132472909046324,0.05659398256551128,0.0390917897497671,0.1351937861964771,0.0,0.097741246687801,0.0,0.09295167327536064,0.0,0.0,0.09410463034785914,0.3496569798617649,0.0,0.07388639578233744,0.05611111383897209,0.11120292444206513,0.060286898333513576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588264361399281,0.06481936111248371,0.044175827815938984,0.0,0.12205476523705044,0.04103759470950638,0.12805636059145456,0.0,0.0,0.05193750609536961,0.10845264142457922,0.053104992319265736,0.0,0.05807523701930849,0.0,0.11250955402935067,0.04209234437165117,0.0,0.06493539870711586,0.06145404063967767,0.0599332102453598,0.0,0.03836923429712688,0.04832509390635843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053005183437648366,0.0,0.1193424789113028,0.0,0.0,0.0556369822203786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299469353355458,0.07091081119997722,0.05690384786130547,0.0,0.0,0.06269506326520062,0.09452860563753704,0.052645741274626935,0.1320376269278835,0.05540997096114419,0.05601206536067722,0.0,0.0,0.05773687502380185,0.0,0.05681081738432831,0.0,0.06221006624705175,0.0,0.05641722815951612,0.09378722862350863,0.042607262572515986,0.0,0.0,0.07834691063999849,0.0,0.0,0.04627087392463107,0.06339747726864163,0.0,0.06335675060599229,0.0,0.0,0.10432396033924793,0.0,0.04161253041177451,0.0,0.04837394406653205,0.10190842689757447,0.0,0.0,0.1470749579718956,0.2127769360393615,0.0,0.04393772486638843,0.06454419530403878,0.0,0.10492112234650618,0.05288449152984253,0.061490299166480765,0.037575602357409234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780028515361942,0.0,0.04566539725433195,0.19586338694330735,0.17572104747635736,0.04439439736450245,0.0,0.04976177557655008,0.0,0.049940227951616505,0.061790683618445336,0.1909319558147785,0.0,0.12003852034296668,0.0,0.0,0.05640125368371793,0.03931547946075781,0.0,0.0,0.07128069351240053
suicidewatch,SAKEHUNTER1991,2018/04/15,Took 15 tablets of Cyclobenzaprine last night.... Yesterday I took 15 tablets of cyclobenzaprine in a attempt to take my life. It obviously didn't work as I am typing this but today I still feel really off balance like I can't centre myself and very very anxious. Does anybody have any info of what taking this much cyclobenzaprine might do to one person? I've looked on a few sites but cannot find anything. Any information or help would be much appreciated.,4.384852941176471,7.009156352941179,5.212573529411767,76.61533088235294,73.70588235294117,8.014705882352942,27.095588235294123,8.841846274778883,2.358323529411764,370,14,65,8,8,120,66,85,0.039,0.826,0.135,0.8515,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,11,15,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,2,6,1,9,9,3,11,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,6,39,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641577508449955,0.0,0.0,0.2194176622323156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982967622066727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996659638694736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820541225397544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751707647889886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301841498349674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583183571091415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718604623136965,0.09488796047489392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309911401936725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604080754604728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855537488178701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226592228062086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161110452554167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958877066539185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442476906089925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510741421437552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29206432130204457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410149590248354,0.0,0.4315796784046625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205100272465253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139727300043733,0.0,0.0,0.13797104756361586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El_Mucho_Danko,2018/04/15,"I’m a goddamn disgrace. Okay where do I start? Well, I’m 16 years old and I live in Staten Island. My grades are shit, my mental state is shit, & at this point my mom hates me. She yells at me constantly to get my grades up and I try, I really try but I just can’t get them up. She wants to get me evaluated to put me in Special Education. Everyone I know says I don’t need it even she says it but she thinks it’s the only option. The only outlet I have for a save place is my aunt & uncle but my mom thinks I use them as a cop out but I just someone to talk to. They recommend the therapist but I can’t find a time to get my mom to look into it as she’s always angry at me.

She’s called me a loser, disgrace, you fucking name it. I think suicide is the way out so I can spare the pain given to my mom about being a fucking failure. I agree with what she says because it’s true. I am a loser, disgrace, & a failure. I’ll never amount to anything in my entire life, I might as well end it now. The thing is I just don’t want to die but I feel like I have to. What should I do?",-1.099973544973544,0.7524191893004151,1.8283877131099369,97.4114351851852,89.61728395061728,4.623691945914167,16.497501469723694,5.985473137389443,-0.6245189888300997,825,19,206,7,28,289,120,243,0.222,0.6709999999999999,0.108,-0.9885,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,3,2,10,15,5,0,14,1,18,6,2,1,2,32,39,12,2,4,9,5,1,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,11,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,1,6,46,7,28,35,1,25,0,2,1,2,22,14,4,2,9,135,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729627704373719,0.34102057755503057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633471364474649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395417904885516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712821791819746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337401527727757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888345047516834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929220513493292,0.0,0.0,0.0692942507570922,0.0,0.0,0.10024916216600432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530473210344582,0.074950088505121,0.0,0.0,0.09588886324025807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398132618616296,0.2192514940703949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358017180537428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765761059312564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410337239930377,0.051255343123035625,0.0,0.09264037344467564,0.0,0.08810075598935066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572793902403324,0.11129644093166297,0.0,0.4914927953874966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779188884920184,0.08091561116158773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008886887930963,0.0,0.0,0.15958259727163235,0.11163515710783947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961207764999778,0.0,0.09917698744454044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546685222245987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721015183910757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502938213263972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153840069174527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889270577625459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425817969264728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147581313035094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432534327060857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181243727986632,0.06969974034808846,0.20167263548481534,0.0,0.0,0.06117579383605831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245849946718508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061141365502903,0.0,0.0,0.12376117504430975,0.08327530091925395,0.0,0.0,0.18865932772093866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756073091104155
suicidewatch,Youredoingitwrongbro,2018/04/15,"Keep having dreams about my late fiancé and he’s PISSED So my fella off Himself 1 yr and 2 months ago exactly today and I keep having dreams that He’s pissed the fuck off and telling me what a piece of shit I am. Like he was an angry dude when he was alive and well but god damn after he’s passed he’s fuckin aaangry at me in my dreams and it breaks my heart all night long.  Like he’s breaking up with me and saying that I don’t love Him, I never did, etc etc ETC ... Anyone else have this fantastic issue ? Like I don’t wanna follow suit?? Hell yes I want to off myself and this dream makes it real hard not to ",0.2331493506493523,2.219705886363638,1.8538095238095242,98.565,84.83333333333333,4.377489177489178,13.974025974025974,5.288315135182226,-1.190361038961039,475,6,112,2,14,154,87,132,0.14800000000000002,0.5920000000000001,0.259,0.9499,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,7,0,3,1,9,7,4,1,3,20,16,11,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,2,0,4,0,2,4,7,1,0,3,2,16,5,13,13,5,19,1,0,0,3,12,6,7,0,12,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500403651796313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183517799025706,0.1734287074630496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139650730456538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663149183878486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564797984671288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162531846363378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057603747280808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666533436342607,0.0,0.30089531416175674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093467293837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480782842331633,0.0,0.0,0.14979135880704844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527653749316023,0.0,0.1129835599298938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510314684176122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305451279909126,0.0,0.0,0.15884072488316406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926569744471164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346037699908455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374479625497985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479422659778155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044038674548514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998349898402234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218667776497702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biggestmanchild,2018/04/15,"A life without pleasure is not worth living, to me. I'm 28 years old and I am not experiencing any pleasure in my life. My best days are neutral and my worst are in constant misery. I haven't been in one single relationship as an adult and have never been sexually intimate with a woman. I've already missed out on so many years that were supposed to be my most pleasurable. I wish I had the courage to die now and never have to think about how much I've missed out on and how much I'm currently missing out on. Can anyone relate?

Before anyone says to seek help, I've already seen 8 mental health professionals since I was 22 years old and nobody has helped me. I plan on seeing at least one more but I eventually have to say ""enough is enough"" and surrender.",4.824078947368419,5.5399690394736885,5.70905263157895,81.20436842105265,69.1315789473684,8.448421052631579,27.7,8.548686976883017,1.8303215789473684,602,19,121,9,10,198,95,152,0.116,0.8109999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.5567,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,0,4,0,17,3,0,2,2,22,26,12,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,11,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,6,5,13,5,21,19,10,22,0,3,2,0,7,11,0,1,11,84,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32551868170124576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029854005694984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625745538315574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255034802267796,0.0,0.15478209140811106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938474199519326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511911628243712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307176533430292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30479405132914866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677541448723806,0.0,0.0,0.197719432804594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208353684253854,0.0,0.0,0.13023673884801776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953213156487544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863564849331418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684485140114104,0.0,0.22750740152991294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30953276057054474,0.0,0.19988664496072708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834950927109329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345805961359129,0.0,0.0,0.11753076533523185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200559564923374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450590271390627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960669870600376,0.14217549712884342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849369753446808
suicidewatch,KioboiOO,2018/04/15,"I don't want to die but the world wants me too I don't want to die, I'm a great guy not gonna lie. But other people don't see that for some strange reason and my family are pathetic and useless as are my ""friends"". Which I barely have any left. Everyone either hates me or ignored me and I can't understand it. My social anxiety prevents me from meeting new people and getting a job. I want too meet new people and have a job but if I can't best this illness then I don't see the point in being alive anymore. I really don't want to die but it's what I need to do and everyone else clearly wants it.",0.8908524173027956,2.5396750763358824,3.2598664122137437,91.1347360050891,80.6793893129771,6.504071246819338,22.36704834605598,7.492282038375204,0.7984346055979641,469,15,107,7,12,162,74,131,0.227,0.607,0.166,-0.726,2,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,5,0,13,1,0,1,1,27,27,14,3,8,8,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,0,2,16,3,8,25,3,7,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,3,3,69,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138046854508927,0.0,0.10279747535590952,0.0,0.13326514746429236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410196003574028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183840451515122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225412709671692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568045606381547,0.0,0.0,0.12667798399663074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381876944350424,0.0,0.07020605258372467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815030717919092,0.0,0.1330536295192182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266874224473094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26669541795767465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460002057198503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963829824358368,0.0,0.2595628692751872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794787489864354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702900520972066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608487662412961,0.13816118133987154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416097180872634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697968034495922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398904314903706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755516180078389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Danjones1234,2018/04/15,How to get help privately I constantly think about suicide and sometimes I almost attempt it but I'm just fucking sick of going through this and want to get help. Is there anyway I can get help without my family knowing (I live at home btw)? I don't even know who to go to but I really can't have them knowing about this. Too embarrassing. Thanks.,1.6542391304347817,4.202975492753627,3.1650543478260893,87.7327989130435,83.92753623188406,6.348550724637683,24.56702898550725,7.6454224807358475,1.4778246376811603,275,11,54,5,8,90,50,69,0.141,0.677,0.182,0.2983,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,8,3,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,13,18,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,10,18,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,1,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463041299593855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162524792334144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141569459033621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020605485179671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815375092997006,0.335951197993314,0.0,0.243628568951246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310024793089135,0.0,0.21500036032634826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533867522193193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926602726695974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731160570281722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119876066747616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344530230263625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733534978878675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734033052541433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264232054532675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661598066950368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sluggish_tshirt,2018/04/15,"everything has been ruined my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and has continuously told people that i did it and my friends are abandoning me now. i started having feelings for someone, but as of a few days ago he’s been leaving me on read. apparently my ex has been talking to him and telling him awful, untrue things about me so he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. he’s taken all of my few friends and people i’ve cared about. i just want out of this fucking bullshit. he’s always been like this. i can never have anything okay because of him. my family supported me talking to this new guy because my ex had me sent to a mental hospital to get evaluated because he broke up with me due to me not giving him enough attention. (in many ways) but i can’t because i don’t have the ability to. i get socially exhausted. i just don’t know what to fucking do",3.7653194263363767,4.980791485875709,5.186666666666671,82.12724902216429,71.99435028248588,8.158018252933509,31.12950890916993,8.617729084823388,2.435447109952196,691,31,138,12,13,232,99,177,0.141,0.74,0.119,-0.6311,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,13,2,0,3,2,20,3,0,0,2,21,35,8,0,2,5,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,9,1,27,6,24,26,4,17,0,4,0,2,21,5,2,0,11,97,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26191912734291034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229286689430593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465149887040536,0.0,0.0,0.24314923365200405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602353901018223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062728876591602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527787173324374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265137893715028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277611140285225,0.0,0.13927289878467092,0.0,0.07470005350278487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828182944620945,0.273160174012085,0.15437253020737107,0.1417223888077031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628244066037585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119216036096308,0.0,0.0,0.15643170604497933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217663020357391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497817032796312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488837239623127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394355765967615,0.1426849089332816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484388469106848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777655895839162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059883773290464,0.1251767242530526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456871125418216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764971947949034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374901326256766,0.12912828209812474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814961871025234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116863267318366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742777244372466,0.11726642010984853,0.11850537261496215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway282636381,2018/04/15,I want to hurt so many people I just want to kill as many people as possible.  I'm so angry and I like it. Im so tired of taking medicine. I want to fucking kill people. I want them dead. I'm riding a bus with friends on a band trip and I want them dead. I want my family dead I want my girlfriend dead. I go to a stadium or arena or something I just think about how many people I could kill with explosives. Im so fucking tired of medicine. I want to put a fucking bomb on my school's main gas valve thing  and blow it and level the whole school. I want to poor bleach and ammonia in my neighbors AC unit outside their house. Whenever I see a mother carrying a baby or something I want to rip it out of her arms and snap it's neck. I'm so tired of being fucking inferior. I want to major in pathology so I can make weaponized smallpox and kill the entire human race. I want to die and I want everyone to die too. I hope someone somehow finds out where I posted this from and where am so that they try to arrest me because then I could resist and shot.,1.4431614349775757,3.140238013452916,3.3100695067264567,91.19039573991031,79.17937219730942,6.25372197309417,22.809192825112106,7.1686216300943375,0.7004010762331839,819,26,182,10,20,275,110,223,0.295,0.604,0.101,-0.9965,0,0,2,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,4,0,15,14,9,0,8,0,5,10,2,2,0,40,31,24,10,16,5,1,0,1,3,0,4,0,1,1,7,14,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,11,0,0,0,1,32,3,27,28,3,15,0,2,1,4,11,9,4,5,2,109,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049022133416428616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841463424044874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692260350828006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684295030717034,0.0,0.0,0.07581103703980982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350069560462531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213083226773099,0.2973809872636952,0.0,0.0,0.04570346512514899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987332844030266,0.0,0.09279170174930117,0.0860892499568491,0.0,0.1737307171429829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558828949367107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039288226449796924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053679712853759776,0.2445940241275654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230071674418594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065933593448412,0.07701831972088151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084241213870667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277484119077482,0.06408282186865573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813800360070284,0.12381957983795155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060464410531075874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342621891564394,0.05152867772006512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27728636224421593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459861787804143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6166249025892354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978394787172908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Taygeard,2018/04/15,"Running in circles... Honestly, all I need is advice where to get 3inch shotgun shells that are relatively cheap? I’m not a gun nut or anything. I plan to try cabellas tomorrow but online shows prices varying crazingly, so help would be appreciated.",5.372045454545454,8.102405750000003,6.400000000000002,68.77000000000002,71.04545454545455,9.854545454545457,36.0,10.125756701596842,4.541472727272726,199,11,31,6,4,66,41,44,0.0,0.7390000000000001,0.261,0.9136,0,0,0,2,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967516849075174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41832700800973216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655907966914099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34073488214769043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769335269196492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451348555627595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611157632551882,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BraySC,2018/04/15,"Lost her I have nobody anymore, she was all I had and now I’m so empty and alone, I think maybe I should just leave, I hate going through all this pain, I don’t even have anyone that will just tell me everything’s ok, someone that will tell me how much they love me, I can’t do this",1.4069354838709671,2.5822761451612912,2.5685806451612905,98.73287096774195,77.87096774193549,5.605161290322582,18.851612903225806,5.6839178017228535,-0.5536554838709673,219,4,55,1,5,70,43,62,0.241,0.66,0.098,-0.8077,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,1,2,9,16,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,13,2,1,10,3,2,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26670205055881696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538010403972417,0.18005654159654247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700825128081102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314328209282541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634851147248887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542371943598903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27266524550312504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811019007677495,0.0,0.23241226374903065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587027776582252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929901919799516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740081295515874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818685682505876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501490858836287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650016089989533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,letsgetit12345,2018/04/15,"Pretty much the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my parents Hey guys,

I recently came to a rather disturbing realization - the only thing stopping me from killing myself is my parents. They are amazing people who poured everything into raising the person I am today - good for them. 

I have been thinking about killing myself for a couple months now. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my parents don't deserve this. The pain of knowing they their only child committed suicide far outweighs my desire to actually follow through with it. 

I'm currently 24, I'm a fucking failure as a human being, and that is no exaggeration. I have no motivation, I have no passion, just nothing. I'm in law school but every day I feel like I'm too fucking stupid to do this shit. I can't even bring myself to go to class even though my parents pay absurdly high amounts of money for this shit. My personality is garbage - I'm a complete narcissist and almost all my behavior stems from wanting to ""prove"" something about myself. As if anything I say or do is like another puzzle piece to add onto this image I want to construct of myself. I'm so unbelievably insecure, incompetent, and unmotivated. 

Pretty much just posting on here just to vent - obviously I can't say this shit to my real life friends. I think about killing myself pretty much everyday - it's almost like a feeling of relief to me when I fantasize about putting a bullet through my brain.

My parents are currently 60. My mom's going through a lot, realistically, she's gong to be out within 10 years. My dad's a healthy dude overall, physically and emotionally, but he smokes - I don't see him going past 75. It's a shitty, shitty situation to think about. I love them more than anything in the world, so I'll ride this shit out for another 10-20 years if necessary.

Anyways, it is what it is. Don't know where else to post this. Just needed to vent. 

I hope everyone's having a great Saturday so far. :)",4.938514437689972,6.531755518617025,6.0918237082066895,75.30500000000002,69.61170212765957,8.669300911854103,32.577507598784194,9.140100540675403,3.040203951367781,1569,72,277,31,28,524,196,376,0.189,0.6579999999999999,0.152,-0.9636,7,0,2,0,0,5,49.0,0,0,5,1,23,25,11,2,18,0,24,11,5,1,4,47,53,16,5,8,10,7,2,3,1,0,2,2,0,5,19,10,0,2,11,0,2,8,8,14,0,0,2,5,46,11,47,49,10,37,0,0,1,4,26,13,6,8,17,192,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.07551701138593897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498064878484166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229073001496455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273632214898349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863877267020978,0.0,0.08850830998088105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113714532870267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562550037802455,0.0,0.04990719690282349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464559233658171,0.08704818683323938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222468616115844,0.0,0.06520055779526814,0.07394508944372996,0.06954902975085353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825679165573048,0.05528416276586171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978778704989485,0.1430831560616612,0.0,0.0,0.1319397603706602,0.0649072225918139,0.0,0.08531770376864332,0.0,0.07662373683055004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176194979910692,0.0,0.0768611875530172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687837209917439,0.3424620266712099,0.0,0.0850580110656771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465961392350407,0.11341982864931716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579032062939368,0.06984336699138934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090632873957828,0.06176830758138421,0.0,0.17066157339140126,0.0573803117618634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425340195888598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656530748915172,0.08234354780676023,0.0,0.4296367801149503,0.0,0.07387314408296515,0.05364930965418184,0.1351399356564056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822769083698112,0.2361863920103686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779372567747099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808155497137518,0.0,0.0,0.07640877090285983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230799912624752,0.0,0.07831818106232738,0.061666164247238635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177401049973241,0.0,0.08698445952425904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059575080533757464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469768001958863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464709430270874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282287498242897,0.19834182147854396,0.07603078671999412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335233403984696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128785678186943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966735246780684
suicidewatch,WhateverFolkSongInC,2018/04/15,"This Damn Moth I'm sitting in my garage, well not mine, I live at home. I sit here in the dark and one damn moth butting my screen, the only light. I sit here and I don't know why. Literally on the cusp of doing it but I didn't, why? I don't know. I don't want to reach out for help, I don't want people to know, I don't want anyone to stop me but I can't go through with it. I'm listening to my scratchy Bob Dylan cassette, listening to our song. Two years since we parted but I can't stop thinking of you. I don't blame you, I don't do this to spite you, I still love you. But it's this massive overwhelmingly feel of gutteral despair I can't shake. So many times I've been dismissed, ""it's just a girl"", but they don't know. You don't know. Before I met you I was at an immensly self destructive point in my life, I was certain I would die one way or another in that time and I didn't mind. But you, you gave me purpose, reason to strive to be something more, to get clean. I did my damnedest, but I know it was hard on you being with me, and I understand that you weren't happy and we went our separate ways. It's just, without you I don't have that purpose, that reason. I don't know what to do, in the two years since it ended I've done nothing in my life. Just kind of sat stagnant and I hate my self for that, I can't help but feel a sense of envy and resentment to know that you're doing well, seeing other people. I haven't been on so much as a date since we ended, which I don't hold against you, be happy, but it's hard for me to know of. I know I have mental health issues and they've slowly been getting worse since my early teens, I hope you forgive me for how I was when we dated. My mental health isn't an excuse but a partial explination, a lot of it is on me. I can't explain it, I want to go through with but I have this nagging feeling that something will happen, a sudden sign I shouldn't will arise. But it hasn't, and I have to face it won't, it's just my self absorbed nature to think I'm significanct enough for anything to intervene, my own hubris. I need you to know I love, I never stopped, forever and always to the moon and back. 


Always sorry and indecisive, Mouse.",1.0185154061624644,2.538610991596641,2.86109243697479,94.73586834733896,79.84033613445378,5.793837535014006,20.787114845938376,6.5431188927421005,0.07360980392156867,1696,45,405,15,42,566,193,476,0.147,0.7490000000000001,0.105,-0.9666,0,0,2,0,0,0,62.0,6,14,1,0,14,21,7,3,13,0,49,7,1,3,2,80,91,31,1,8,20,0,5,0,0,5,4,3,2,4,27,20,0,4,21,1,0,4,28,11,2,4,16,11,80,10,51,67,6,40,0,2,2,2,36,14,2,4,17,272,107,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181130695354756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305429176633325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538260659329035,0.0,0.0651797065484978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609044476644885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739838672572092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220321873264501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810551349391932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030583488712992,0.08184086730527916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014664804834285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276362682241689,0.0,0.0900290760283061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004151538934582,0.16863230579445035,0.1419058567427832,0.07819942775623143,0.0,0.16838433477068512,0.0,0.0,0.10618008975746918,0.0,0.07944997530157277,0.07866932998510176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267038079001644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248075584768047,0.4788244007656805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118909384958522,0.0,0.0,0.06994026042078194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733802336646627,0.1429728334948289,0.0,0.0,0.0803023502847883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964183463723794,0.0,0.07997537948024176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822544971584414,0.058730170900993924,0.0610884726207182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760001968118263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734393479787607,0.06023965576125497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577227065259255,0.0,0.10982279558838427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487517668268252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162873712919849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311684711786715,0.0,0.2478870821821125,0.0,0.0,0.26207975439120595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219531422453334,0.0,0.0886645198621752,0.0,0.0,0.06325393369396068,0.1986590358841682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150388447341394,0.0,0.0,0.09237119396754537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474530958333005,0.08245613477619099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868707668314886,0.12573991266107845,0.0,0.0,0.14243123188068765,0.07342466241152333,0.14294200930609613,0.0,0.0,0.07635166069575453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071757838935269,0.056265598511063344,0.0,0.0,0.10201200488377768
suicidewatch,ScuzzyBubble,2018/04/15,"Alone and empty My girlfriend who took advantage of me and abused me and constantly lied to me left me, i work full time nights. I literally work all night and sleep all day. I feel so empty and hopeless. I cant stop thinking of her and its consuming me. I just want these thoughts and feelings to end. Life just seems like an endless battle of nothing good.",3.4451904761904757,5.434541042857148,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,74.28571428571428,6.9523809523809526,27.380952380952376,7.793537801064563,1.5568095238095236,283,11,57,4,6,88,49,70,0.249,0.654,0.097,-0.9018,0,1,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,18,8,8,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,12,3,5,6,3,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,8,35,15,2,0.0,0.2614027132237836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284993590363114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384155729811944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228387439135187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540689337725528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231076919806772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850484835749748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970802541607106,0.0,0.1558328682918204,0.10778547420358857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140803272796469,0.0,0.21169415180781226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084730406230536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078278295771087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844510841841776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136659923394984,0.0,0.17515037648505066,0.12864730868296625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24512077222793116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012942775666478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212330003758245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onemorerice,2018/04/15,"How can I write a suicide note? My reason for killing myself is i'm in pain. Everyday I wake up I cry..Life is so hard for me especially because I'm a transgender. I wish I can end this pain but I just can't. Therefore, I must put an end to my misery. I got worse when I fell in love. I wish I could just find another girl but my brain only sees her. It's 11 years already and I've lived with this pain like a masochist and I can't take this anymore. I quit my job coz I could not concentrate and now I am jobless for 2 years. I'm not getting better. No talent. No dreams. No goals. I don't want to be a burden to my family and to myself. Please help me write a good suicide note for my family.",-1.5446880570410002,0.4282183725490221,1.3131224004753437,98.03495989304814,97.30065359477123,4.611883541295307,16.758467023172905,6.351523495107088,-0.3337686274509801,533,15,130,7,22,184,89,153,0.24,0.542,0.218,-0.5966,2,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,10,1,0,6,0,12,6,2,4,1,24,23,9,3,6,6,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,1,2,27,5,12,18,0,12,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,8,78,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276430185378198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515911250434646,0.0,0.0,0.13728837748504907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438749621663214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122432774124664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453705505161336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105503587680334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452211684460231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26100469953157673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652529051655909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232554971983335,0.0,0.0,0.11611106593310658,0.11071754808408346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400881270473542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278874858261008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737343150397496,0.0,0.1531556480565737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763139075826786,0.0,0.1222389104173779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494122327073888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528456485394658,0.44190754403482135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195790711721624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916344053301166,0.0,0.14724057796301224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233222097811402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031320979147764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028465540556736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408441777897194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165139359258644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318382327946719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410750942945009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829267794347456
suicidewatch,fancyfestival,2018/04/15,"I want to be dead I really just wish I wasn’t alive anymore. It seems like my life over the past few years (especially in the last year or so) has just gotten worse and worse. I’ve been sexually assaulted twice and have been diagnosed with PTSD. I still get flash backs. Relationships have ended because of what I’ve experienced. I lost my scholarship because of not getting good grades due to trying to deal with everything. I feel like the only thing I offer any value for is sex. My grades are bad, I’m fucked financially, and I really don’t see any point in living. I just wish I could make all my problems go away and dying might be the only way to do that.",3.8315909090909055,5.254417765151518,5.023151515151518,82.5597272727273,72.1060606060606,8.613333333333333,23.806060606060605,9.120678840339163,1.6694642424242423,523,14,107,11,10,173,89,132,0.206,0.677,0.117,-0.9343,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,0,4,0,14,4,0,1,1,21,28,6,2,5,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,5,3,14,3,13,19,2,15,0,1,1,2,3,5,1,3,10,64,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147658809463487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691217746265814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917966277251856,0.11390827034936107,0.12368827387723108,0.1806059776787349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827540413347755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272282451519342,0.0,0.15035601765596598,0.1537429009219212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120548321822004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313605531935466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749025585282495,0.10582915935199863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695034315312932,0.1547910200436537,0.0,0.08418971622588806,0.12425035415398228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075149156541255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463360034098676,0.14474458891768982,0.0,0.13080775539091422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170912172648488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888265101716308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715003167557964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253298488808521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141360465382485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003742247218698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174717894355526,0.17316431885117084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980081307220756,0.0,0.0,0.15904378486608378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804607316541345,0.1348584337385452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830246322180064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841569336621656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057535315738317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737508771894216,0.1175843186691796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34070066178308794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192867988132505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079084495099952
suicidewatch,clerictgm,2018/04/15,"I'm on the edge Tired of living in hell (russia), was too tired before my arrest, now 8 months after that **I'm just totally broken.** I'm in the middle of nowhere, a suspect in a criminal case without crime event. Because I've messed with some influential bastard, who has connections in police.

I've been arrested by 6 operatives (like a fucking terrorist/murderer or something), bashed in asphalt, tortured in police dept and forced to sign papers, means I'm guilty. But there are no crime event, the case is fabricated. It was really easy for them, because I have an asthma and survived few transient ischemic attacks in past (problems with brain blood vessels, so any kind of stress may lead to irreparable damage) and they said If I'll die there they don't care (in police dept), they wouldn't call an ambulance. 

Now I have one of the best lawyers (spent a lot of money) in my city and not sure it will help. Due to fucked up russian laws preliminary investigation of my case may be prolonged infinitely and whole situation are limited only by statute of limitations (6 years). So yes, they can fuck me up to 6 years (endless interrogations) even if they fail to condemn me (that depends on how much money that influential bastard will pay to police/prosecutor/judge).

I have a GF, she is an angel. She didn't left me in trouble. And she's the only one who really cares and worries about me. We planned to have kids in the end of 2017, but all our plans now ruined. This shit also affected my relatives (mother and grandparents especially) badly (health problems).

Friends? Forget such a word. They disappeared when I got in trouble.
This is the most painful. When it's OK you fell like you have someone who'll support you and who cares, but the reality is infinitely heartless.

I just want to leave russia (no respect to this ""country"") and to start a new and normal life in a normal country, where things like that are impossible. This country are already turned into stalins-like USSR and it becoming worse day by day. 

**I just want to live calmly and start a family, is it so much?**

The problem is that I NEED TO LEAVE BUT its almost impossible. This criminal record may turn into an indestructible wall on my way, because governments prefer ""not to deal with criminal scum"". I need to leave and take my GF with me. As fast as possible.

I see it as a one and only cure and chance to survive.

I'm stronger than I thought, but everything has it's limit.

I'm broken. Can't laugh at jokes, don't enjoy anything (sports/movies/TV shows/games/most of the music I loved/even fucking driving! I used to love it so much, now I'm like a fucking automotive AI), I feel dead inside, like my life stopped, like I'm just mechanically existing like a thing, not like alive creature. And this lasts 8+ months. My body hurts (especially hands and back) for no reason, I can't enjoy life.

I was so cheerful and simple-minded, naive person. I was able to feel happy just because there is a sunny day, fresh wind, because I was caught in the rain, because we was cooking something tasty together with my GF, just because she's near me and I can hold her hand, just going to walk together and talking all night.. Now it’s all gone.. I’m turned into some unfeeling piece of shit, and it hurts me and her so much..

I don’t need anything, I don’t need money, a fancy car, huge house, cool dress, and all this shit. I was a person who knows what’s really important in life. 

I had many thoughts about suicide and other bad stuff, sometimes I felt better and thought I left all this behind, but it's not true. It's not true, due to I'm still in the middle of nowhere. I don't know how this situation would resolve, I have no future, I can't plan anything, I lost all my motivation, can’t work with same productivity, losing time and money because of that.  It's the worse shit in the world, when you can't leave it behind and start building your life from ruins.
 
YOU JUST CAN’T LEAVE IT BEHIND BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING CONTINIUES AND MAY CONTINUE FOR YEARS.

This uncertainty is killing me slowly. And I feel worse day by day,

**Thing that I'm afraid so much is that the line between idea of suicide and actual act are becoming thinner day by day**. I'm not even afraid of killing myself as it was before. Suicide seems more like a rational and positive action. Even some scary things like just getting a knife and cutting a carotid artery are not scary anymore.

I don't want to, but I'm just too tired and have no strength and resources to stand this out.. 

I want to get out of this prison(russia) and suicide seems like an option.
",3.6950357008643375,5.680881364148817,4.534012175873733,83.62056129274711,73.57722660653889,7.3913205561818875,27.384727546035318,8.195976394782095,1.845214608042089,3618,138,695,59,75,1166,379,887,0.229,0.621,0.15,-0.9979,1,0,2,0,0,5,159.0,3,6,7,18,42,74,19,3,38,3,59,28,9,8,10,147,121,63,8,18,28,1,6,11,4,9,11,1,0,3,50,49,1,5,18,2,6,11,27,39,0,5,21,9,72,35,94,90,23,92,3,8,1,7,41,37,13,17,53,438,122,10,0.04871444842393337,0.0,0.047538274518092234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048780483309073634,0.0,0.0537576051973083,0.038956926804574056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03312749541789072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048311642873767255,0.0,0.0,0.12026352093866842,0.0,0.0,0.05541971772833743,0.0,0.03745840387455717,0.08134905926022865,0.26726288047259994,0.10760256196879912,0.08290481524020729,0.0,0.05112280817828758,0.043083970893308315,0.0,0.05411077031270867,0.0,0.05438143527648805,0.04974289844268742,0.0,0.1490028804479869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991752431368866,0.05022245728082311,0.0,0.0,0.050557906444513516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314654208926882,0.0,0.0,0.1287017349884112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043781405117663985,0.0,0.0459236464992008,0.0,0.0738944664856259,0.0,0.04677350993263335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376366620109168,0.2702143355625742,0.05090257737358729,0.0,0.027685543664225803,0.0,0.03896139455417414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185743618876474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178118068433464,0.0,0.0,0.03265226792206075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620993295417489,0.10429964914801523,0.05499268272757914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077906390701625,0.050728601652233814,0.053544373721812484,0.03970877729632541,0.0,0.25790783534934303,0.10585678149831196,0.0,0.17204227789609608,0.26179360721908235,0.0,0.08603150089680264,0.0,0.0,0.054499007113057496,0.05317757501937676,0.04141528200486712,0.043966691641649694,0.0,0.0,0.049388804666849175,0.0,0.05306431546358058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049187705979945984,0.0,0.07776681593807197,0.0,0.17905362373933015,0.14448458499124767,0.0,0.04704871784677677,0.0,0.04571520983862346,0.0954596327974177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990305129756752,0.11114859955055803,0.05183560774705501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650345317537903,0.0,0.08507115471981877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054918221117609266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983944433521808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362316919534312,0.05008656635973142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046338595947602035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881910831297584,0.08869560851683965,0.0,0.0,0.2000187250469331,0.0,0.10951416216775893,0.0,0.0,0.04127559406523848,0.07500552473872242,0.04817983511649094,0.0,0.10344101197905016,0.0,0.038903421438371534,0.040727460171014716,0.05580223608067501,0.0,0.055766388615730855,0.213142799603442,0.0552805787791479,0.04591279112774091,0.0,0.03662720262688875,0.03915482837264783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945485971825205,0.0,0.0,0.11602149177573196,0.028405786627212427,0.16797027683536167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896199353769286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04207364254516192,0.0,0.0,0.1149321753130932,0.03866726168798741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438794197207439,0.0,0.04695898990152586,0.0,0.03546469863890403,0.04947188703010282,0.14893255420724588,0.0346053464745561,0.0,0.0,0.0941115228572511
suicidewatch,Sisyphus116,2018/04/15,"End I feel I have come to the end. Recently, I was in a mental health unit where I tried to hang myself but was found and put on 24 hour surveillance.

I have experienced many episodes of depression and low mood for years. Recently, over the past three years, my girlfriend has helped to pull me out or to be my safety net.

However, last time was too much. She was pushed too far. She left and I felt alone and helpless. Like I couldn't do it. That's when I ended up in the mental health unit.

Since coming out I have been up and down. I have thought many times about ending my life. Two nights ago I made a load of audio recordings to the people closest to me and put them on a USB drive and online storage to be opened after I'd ended it. The plan was to get drunk and jump off a bridge. I contacted a friend to see if he fancied a drink and we drank and I opened up and he made me feel like I didn't want to go through with it. So, I didn't.

Today, I am feeling like following up on the plan. Ending it all because I see no future or purpose. I can't see a point in which I will ever be happy again.",1.5289743589743594,3.0288017692307747,2.9413760683760692,94.81334615384618,78.3162393162393,6.047521367521367,20.247008547008548,6.742157984588678,0.056453675213675066,850,20,200,8,20,277,134,234,0.098,0.804,0.098,0.4238,1,1,1,0,0,2,24.0,1,0,1,2,9,9,0,0,13,0,21,6,0,2,2,35,39,17,0,3,4,0,4,3,2,1,3,1,0,0,6,19,3,0,6,2,0,11,5,3,0,2,14,9,30,5,32,20,2,57,0,3,3,0,10,23,0,3,26,129,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277350509504027,0.0,0.0,0.10839471225711854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379889116549825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030817709705868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901422705802478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025255519331025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561785574370671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466966585747058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875554865835909,0.14953620265314854,0.100488637176599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475271696309702,0.08085894940962314,0.0,0.05467978174414706,0.0,0.059479875603054726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141099091316432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249432577791867,0.0,0.0,0.07015043149292975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306760683888597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531070086901564,0.0,0.0,0.11371183950046898,0.0,0.07392344114194675,0.1533926682910969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980609336647291,0.0,0.21221472067847905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094243957987235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693608906841266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982149755607808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990844476564023,0.07255707276083778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893617465189693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104215338725032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667541803244224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25019798362791634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657464830788045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308721188931664,0.12205450436407438,0.0,0.09920408430999446,0.0,0.0,0.0710562971667903,0.0,0.10223621267954314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173033455041621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347933718346186
suicidewatch,Mangoesroses,2018/04/15,"I feel so lonely I'm 16 years old
Too young to die and all that shit I know
Every problem in my life either stems from or is worsened by, loneliness 
A while ago, I bought a rope, tied a noose and hid it away
I've come close so many times to trying to hang myself
The only thing that has stopped me is the fact that I don't have a strong enough support to hold my weight
Now I'm considering walking to a nearby apartment which is like 20 stories high, and jumping off of it.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for this life 
I barely have any issues and I'm acting like it's the end of the goddamn world, 
I don't have what it takes to deal with problems 
I'm too weak 
I just want everything to end 
I don't want to deal with these issues 

Edit : Reddit for mobile. Your post formatting sucks. ",0.7705671010919346,2.7702433233532946,2.302254314899613,96.05333920394509,82.83233532934132,4.887495597041212,18.206762944698838,5.900188976854957,-0.4230448045086299,613,14,140,4,17,199,107,167,0.207,0.723,0.07,-0.9744,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,7,11,3,0,9,0,10,5,1,0,2,24,24,8,1,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,9,1,2,2,0,1,5,4,7,0,0,1,2,13,4,20,23,3,24,0,1,0,0,3,8,2,1,12,81,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132910287499156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842095666398796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979400166216655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373387417239813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287400267188574,0.0,0.0,0.16546788444146068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824233653073072,0.16473850273311702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433047905665,0.0,0.14328948708833564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806148955470565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684513485238448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328164815488325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762105540519978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22522666589606105,0.15578332897934852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164160263014446,0.16017342816932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729973338020776,0.0,0.0,0.12125715454908667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526942206699782,0.0,0.0,0.3051146515993833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636572675260856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332944171762273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809244303128724,0.0,0.0,0.1198749346619293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592122614765516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296756431674673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824558931899343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807724884913987,0.0,0.0,0.194148321781348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267061859615044
suicidewatch,Humanus11,2018/04/15,"I want to die! Honestly, i just want to die, especially because believe i have no future. I just need to wait for the right moment. Is suicide always wrong? Even if it saves you from being homeless? Or just poor? I don't mean less money than the average poor. I mean really poor. I don't want to end up in poverty. But i know my future looks bleak. Anyone want to kill themselves because of poverty? ",0.6431875719217466,3.1522811898734204,2.5957192174913715,89.24418872266978,91.53164556962022,4.898043728423477,21.105868814729575,6.574015621080383,0.6279518987341768,310,11,60,4,11,103,53,79,0.392,0.527,0.081,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,16,15,3,4,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,11,14,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,4,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289832364187792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368886172434967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868208152178985,0.0,0.0,0.2205684595006914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40636169503223607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339624216261093,0.0,0.0,0.1293058268761539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659315961407127,0.0,0.10759139368693356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439951333843236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265070825504073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516275740053913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541681543671473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718856386086278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141432355041919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46188654612535796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404639158198616,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Margerita94,2018/04/15,Feel like I don't even deserve to post here I'm just really at a loss for words. I don't even know what to say. I just feel like posting this will somehow give me a few minutes to collect myself before I do something regrettable.,2.428750000000001,4.028024375000005,3.84,88.905,76.08333333333334,6.466666666666668,26.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.240358333333333,182,7,38,2,4,60,34,48,0.128,0.763,0.109,-0.2212,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,5,8,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23587217558356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661688183628368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803158219949952,0.3960557339787859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26591030428274426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523388947123334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708465452918229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5309515777516004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757794919511435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204362598562469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133979341205893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cookiecutter696969,2018/04/15,I want to kill myself I am a complete and utter disappointment to my family and I’m only 14. I honestly would kill myself but I can’t get my hands on a gun. This is pathetic. Why am I even posting about this. I don’t know.,-1.834438775510204,0.008096653061226533,2.2109948979591856,90.12016581632656,102.87755102040815,5.715306122448982,16.32908163265306,7.1686216300943375,0.4495081632653064,172,5,39,4,8,64,34,49,0.319,0.618,0.063,-0.9306,0,0,0,1,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,6,10,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,4,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153026506847856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862489850645165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349515648009765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571155084343808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6654115345743993,0.0,0.16526965696374118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287136150557899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880097866177438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737438938755876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713559969640713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136251988182821,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PEVS3112,2018/04/15,"I feel like I have failed many aspects of my life I have failed my parents for messing up school and making my mom think that she failed as a parent, I can't change that view. 
I have also messed my private life and my fiance is mad at me about thinking too optimistically and not being able to keep my promises. She is going to divorce me. I have been too optimistic and failed every aspect of my life that is important to me. I feel like I should end this all.",4.591950354609928,5.016879329787237,5.2072340425531936,85.63333333333334,69.53191489361703,7.543262411347518,26.30496453900709,7.1686216300943375,1.0979773049645385,363,10,76,3,6,117,57,94,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.14,-0.7184,2,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,4,10,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,1,13,18,6,0,1,1,3,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,3,20,3,10,15,1,4,0,4,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,55,24,5,0.20278343794033152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621658420572449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451798921654752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960593670194508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085379244269208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050667983664017,0.2897370571652392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524650092765157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024323697752687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296958177079491,0.1981394895810997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535951946437294,0.2055905779523656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749751166698174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503340200616108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522766528667896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598708779916296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TiredGnogginFanboy,2018/04/15,"I guess my post was removed??? I have everything typed out still but I've tried reposting it twice so I guess the spam filter caught it or something... right, okay, guess I just wasted my time typing everything out. what was it all for? I'm going to bed, i feel fucking hopeless",0.7850000000000001,3.3352992592592616,1.9017592592592607,93.4504166666667,93.44444444444444,4.9222222222222225,19.712962962962962,6.6274283507984215,0.4060074074074072,216,7,43,3,8,68,40,54,0.227,0.733,0.04,-0.9185,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,10,11,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,7,1,4,8,1,9,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,4,2,26,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40953149842983133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520153934530313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063219541636533,0.0,0.0,0.1294853620068085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7529664289278791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182054464121324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457207063644028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540052023348435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819514064576647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328539402773406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546867788175515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TenderVenison,2018/04/15,"Waiting for my family to die My whole life I’ve never been close to anyone, never had any real friends or a girlfriend I actually liked. I’m nearing the end of my 1st year of college and I’ve hated pretty much all of it so far. I’m lazy and I don’t really care about doing well anymore because I figure I’ll just kill myself soon anyway so what does it matter. I don’t have any friends and I hate talking to people so I always just listen to music every time I have to be out in public. My GPA is going to shit and all I really do anymore is sit around in my room and look at youtube or reddit all day. I’ve gone out to this bridge in the city I live in just to do some planning and they’ve got a suicide fence or whatever up on the sides and the bridge might not be tall enough anyway. So I’ve been thinking about just overdosing on something or buying a gun. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I can’t hurt my mom and Dad like that. They’ve worked so hard to try and raise me correctly and they’re practically paying for most of my college but I’m just such a lazy piece of shit. I’m probably just gonna end up getting a minimum wage job and living in a shitty apartment until they die and trying to get high on the weekends or something so I can have a few moments of happiness by myself. Then when they die I can finally be free of this shit.",4.004878234398781,4.001897828767124,5.527077625570778,84.32971841704722,70.7123287671233,8.132724505327245,26.83866057838661,7.793537801064563,1.4114308980213082,1074,31,232,12,18,366,155,292,0.16899999999999998,0.752,0.079,-0.9842,2,0,2,1,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,2,22,15,6,0,13,0,23,4,3,1,6,45,40,27,5,0,13,2,1,2,3,2,1,1,1,0,7,16,0,2,3,1,4,2,7,7,1,0,6,3,25,9,38,29,10,40,0,1,1,0,10,22,3,8,17,157,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.1076691364525278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180593226243078,0.0,0.0,0.15006050853284125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884146707267527,0.07714743062539102,0.0,0.0,0.09821980225623013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345160006472416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249189296699093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115568657545944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435248449535175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655319143895832,0.11290901212856053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544465905661776,0.11400352964825568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929603492670364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401217569304684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086445805902934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048607416867154,0.0,0.1152889246524144,0.0,0.06270481225420739,0.0,0.0882434154196663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745157832687855,0.0988367369451952,0.21786207977072825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657292003459645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811380692619107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948852276446873,0.0,0.12206716739301893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793149281153948,0.10780630556520718,0.0,0.1948522007408641,0.0,0.09265196994111137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704592524722007,0.0,0.12922072913318589,0.0,0.0,0.08110748335795162,0.0,0.17019129266078706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391325272692897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649104136575463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224837248758664,0.11895768391421513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558316049739293,0.1413643480809006,0.1134407464825446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397658563302932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987953727082492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206864437498822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868152244830595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069696035730748,0.0,0.0,0.0643360859730561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981779057701755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920265816574587,0.0,0.0,0.12318290482618985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032377101837591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105086374430182
suicidewatch,depressed-allthetime,2018/04/15,"idk what to do. im so fucking bored. all the time. nothing is fun to me anymore. i used to be able to sit down in front of my computer and have a blast for 12 hours or however long i would sit on it. now i play 1 game and if the slightest thing goes wrong im just done with it. nothing else is fun to me anymore. i dont watch tv, netflix, twitch. i dont like to do anything anymore. nothing is fun to me. all i want to do is just not exist. there is ONE reason why im not dead already and its my mom. shes the one person that cares about me and theres no way i would be able to hurt her like that. i can barely even talk to her about my depression because i dont want her to be worried. the only reason i even went to the doctor was because of my sleep issues causing me to miss days and days of school. idk what to do. i want to die. i say that as a joke a lot but ive come to realize that i mean it. i truly want to die. there's no place for me. nothing is fun and i just want to die.

e: and no one is going to see this for a long time, because its 4:33 am because im a huge piece of shit",-1.1032362856267213,0.4840073386454194,1.6674302788844635,100.3024816120135,87.16733067729082,4.498988660741649,18.418786392889977,5.369823440869387,-0.6688052099295128,826,22,219,4,26,287,120,251,0.198,0.722,0.08,-0.9827,1,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,0,12,16,2,0,10,0,26,5,2,4,2,33,40,12,4,8,8,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,13,9,0,0,4,5,0,4,8,7,0,3,3,3,30,9,33,32,4,20,0,3,2,1,9,5,2,3,10,142,43,3,0.17456818880114186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632016862753216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596871031286588,0.0,0.0,0.07182737260484277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283029521965524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899195142133261,0.08966480845974595,0.0,0.07518751866419131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258204011080104,0.0,0.07517766260857532,0.0,0.2717613288194451,0.0,0.0,0.0893389691627452,0.0,0.08932193296208417,0.30688892573836324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729146608213112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153006423113546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069273879616852,0.0,0.0,0.049605562310589255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595725094265493,0.0,0.09343942830839022,0.0,0.3771271999136631,0.0911019174345393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528519926842587,0.0,0.0,0.15448735374847009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420581575061194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507796701130884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222607644289572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350057705695665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743788388783466,0.0663834869635639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621310452611188,0.09119330117609574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948517237836215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941181519435873,0.0,0.0883361634087797,0.0695541225274575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959586859604586,0.0,0.0,0.08734712992967975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701556488164461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579876738926044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179211473013293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538543299781185,0.0,0.0,0.2574121016518172,0.06928205139499681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091322997125135,0.07876031902410043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864123473454727,0.0,0.12400823271830995,0.09543145514033312,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RJ119x,2018/04/15,"suicide hotline hung up on me; i’m not sure what more to do :’( it’s my freshman year, and even though i was anxious to get here and get away from home, this had somehow managed to be the worst year of my life...and i’ve been through a lot of tough stuff.  it’s just so many different things have happened to me here, that i don’t even know where to start describing. i’ve managed to become an alcoholic and i smoke weed a lot just to avoid being sober. this is truly the lowest point in my life and my biggest fear is that it’s just only going to get worse. I’ve even contemplated suicide, even though i know that’s super irrational, sometime i think it’s better than where i am rn. So please i’m just asking for you best advice to get me out of my pit...Thank you.",3.323958215697345,3.944109763975157,4.2635234330886504,90.5641840767928,72.47826086956522,7.096781479390176,25.19536984754376,6.980632752743323,0.8007093167701864,596,17,135,5,11,193,94,161,0.185,0.72,0.095,-0.927,2,1,2,0,0,2,20.0,0,2,0,3,17,8,0,2,5,0,11,2,0,0,1,18,24,8,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,12,5,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,16,4,21,19,5,13,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,3,3,92,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741262006471588,0.0,0.15028043418265918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886101751350204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146108462313807,0.0,0.13211748768725745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530417552517206,0.0,0.0,0.14757242633242634,0.1243673097649096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691838063011614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715137720759877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582370363506507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938734047393233,0.0,0.07991780965188343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435014867541835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105371915627773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456258034616352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986486837134845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391008581291372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256700674437267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694814508835604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435896344577787,0.13293172343335774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907716382951965,0.0,0.09953183757560256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097670627013008,0.3076317715477621,0.0,0.13253305575049062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946436446182175,0.0,0.0,0.0934219403721058,0.0901038695068088,0.2763176433109221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433041934864038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811098446894088
suicidewatch,travis0129,2018/04/15,"I consider myself dead I consider myself dead and waiting for the afterlife. I'm 29 and have no friends. I try to get the motivation to do something but it won't ever happen. I'm not attractive enough to get a girlfriend. 

So each day I just sleep a lot and hope I will eventually die of old age at like 80 or 90 years old.

I'm too afraid to kill myself, I can only handle it if I die of old age or natural causes. I accept that I will live a lonely life till I'm dead. 

But I am optimistic about the universe and the afterlife. I think the universe gets better with time. I love being me and thank god for that. But I'm ready for death right now, so I sleep till I eventually die of natural causes. 

I guess the main thing is I consider myself dead just waiting to go to a place better than heaven. 

I mean I live a life the rich do. I got all the music rich people do, all the movies rich people do, all the sexual experiences rich people have. Porn is basically the same as sex with a real person. 

I'm too afraid to kill myself earlier. Make no mistake that life is hard but the universe is infinite. I will live forever. I just consider myself dead right now. Waiting for what happens after death. 

I'll just live at my parents house till I die and never work. I get disability, so I have some spending money. 

I look at all the people working and realize they are totally different than me, they have different free will. Maybe I am lucky to have given up. I mean if you look at it, I am no sadder than a rich celeb. ",1.8179532098902345,3.7685622733119013,4.0727996451934825,84.96350482315115,79.0,7.376471892671027,22.62124404035924,8.326086129247049,1.3888475662490298,1181,37,244,24,29,408,141,311,0.228,0.563,0.209,-0.9146,3,2,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,1,2,5,13,23,2,2,20,0,24,8,2,4,7,50,52,22,13,4,13,1,1,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,8,10,0,3,6,0,8,1,6,6,0,1,2,3,40,18,31,44,11,26,1,1,2,3,8,8,0,9,18,167,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569315054594902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245692225607888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041164118128475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38887310663836205,0.19573768545551826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678973892278704,0.0,0.0,0.0847330199504583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916306318967896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237189348290105,0.0,0.1957620953004728,0.0,0.05323679386079404,0.0,0.0749192342243872,0.0,0.10319189222028044,0.0,0.1656702870218447,0.0,0.08391303317030231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303889561783044,0.0,0.10808661191209236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727163973725646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849303437441526,0.045764127663771234,0.0,0.33086157413595985,0.0,0.15732425143240805,0.0,0.0,0.07963783762096546,0.0845439673518889,0.0,0.0625277711411364,0.0,0.09410759499248322,0.2040757485538641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224675777317592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294883659504093,0.0,0.0,0.0712428979055349,0.0,0.0,0.10401330713534228,0.0,0.0,0.2597655685421762,0.08179206415893504,0.09786884272775913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662092090608444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999326958664828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874822473045812,0.0,0.0,0.07211441659525228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086241949237535,0.0,0.0,0.06223249364978034,0.060022179635410185,0.0,0.0,0.05462175586895399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359813981496397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363908091293257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032264591515399
suicidewatch,MikeBison213,2018/04/15,"first aid? Help? Im not feeling okay. The resources on this page are useless and unintuitive and I cant think straight.

Can someone send me a link to some kind of mental health first aid thing? I need help",0.5969105691056917,3.1019321463414653,1.1774390243902455,98.79184959349595,93.39024390243902,3.7089430894308943,21.46747967479675,5.46131890053228,-0.15393008130081265,162,6,35,1,6,49,35,41,0.185,0.691,0.124,-0.1635,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,2,3,6,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934180292839971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502462470829096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139515818548071,0.0,0.0,0.3959442805204035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31903716050360625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30756974876819243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976512428119887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190041025144133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502557469242654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962226307425285,0.18925338356584365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xo_theo,2018/04/15,"i'm lost i've been depressed since i was 12, not because of any family abuse but because of my thoughts about myself. i've been thinking about killing myself for quite some time but i never do.

i'm now 14 and still quite depressed. i've been talking to new people lately (mostly online) and i kind of feel happy but then it all disappears. sometimes i tell my friends in group chats that i want to die but they just completely ignore me and talk about something else.

i'm also gay and no one really knows irl bcs they're all homophobic and i feel afraid to tell anyone but i don't mind it that much.

sometimes when i talk to my online friends i feel sad and often regret saying something. i also feel like i annoy them quite a lot.

i started talking to one of my ex boyfriends lately but i just stopped talking to him today bcs i don't feel comfortable talking to him.

i also have 2 online friends that seem to be toxic bcs everytime i send one of them a video snap he records it and when i ask him why he says ""me and ___ (other friend) like making fun of you"" but i brush it off by jokingly saying something.

i don't know what to do.",1.3191379310344828,3.617924844827588,2.7283379310344853,92.03045517241378,82.8793103448276,5.091310344827587,21.78,6.360717304075467,0.37165910344827546,892,29,184,8,25,289,120,232,0.192,0.693,0.116,-0.9617,0,0,3,0,1,2,18.0,0,1,3,4,13,20,2,1,2,0,11,1,0,1,3,41,29,21,2,2,10,1,5,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,9,8,0,2,10,3,0,2,6,9,0,3,6,9,34,11,22,22,6,17,0,5,0,1,29,2,0,5,15,116,43,0,0.0,0.11143797450592244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256435623301508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395958040758441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576436852795746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792729208392755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466823674825816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861326703293473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201622058145174,0.0,0.09761264598139928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856960007359799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866523483960191,0.0,0.23778128566834425,0.06719181311390755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29066189034746936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012166080793504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040562221777516,0.09794220889358607,0.10337864765304587,0.0,0.21219280700672016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918995428798435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267046579969738,0.07996089128013358,0.0,0.0,0.06278141722031437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496718650181883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914011759935358,0.0,0.07253982925978185,0.09083742112811598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911991829618167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520482915226354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001123070911549,0.0,0.0,0.060253057091748614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438526760351954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562274076519427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780199692509569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172208537057961,0.18604256067563407,0.0,0.06657152555258701,0.0,0.07511121744126405,0.07863290691749396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535796676545114,0.16441374533843986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060265661695467536,0.0,0.07466794414155271,0.05484333092210445,0.0,0.08915168601084075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055475169610818297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848686217242049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheyCallMeDel,2018/04/15,"I started hitting myself again. Someone just remind me I'm not a monster. That I have feelings too. That I shouldn't just jump onto an overpass. That I... 

I don't even fucking know.

I feel like I'm writing bad emo bullshit and it's so stupid of me to feel this way. I just want to keep hitting myself.

Yes, I'm writing this on my throwaway. ",-0.3667605633802786,1.8950814084507075,1.6381549295774676,95.96371126760565,94.07042253521126,2.84,24.001408450704226,3.1291,-0.02886591549295758,264,12,55,0,10,87,48,71,0.166,0.738,0.096,-0.7847,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,14,16,2,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,12,1,5,13,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289348074700711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22888770668147276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256661061132958,0.24756965673309836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203724724972025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30802243070716456,0.0,0.0,0.19045040702807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930290485034052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936238914994745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452841940924101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439943590267545,0.27506889016570724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BoredAndDespondent,2018/04/15,"Afraid to see my best friend after suicide attempt. It's been 6 months since my suicide attempt. I've been left with some nerve damage which affects my fingers and serious scars. My best friend and I had a falling out which ended in her spitting in my face and not talking to me for over a year. We've been talking everyday for about 5 months and she has asked me out a few dozen times. I'm afraid she will freak out if/when she sees my scars. Another close friend recently said she got a pit in her stomach when she saw my scars which only made me even more nervous. Whenever she asks me out I can't help but imagine her terrified which makes me anxious. She's been my friend longer than anyone else but I can't help but imagine her scared of my scars. I feel a lot like Frankenstein's monster. How do I overcome my anxiety so I can hangout with her? Is it even a good idea to see her?

tl;dr Afraid of meeting my friend after my suicide attempt because of bad scarring and a falling out that happened last time I saw her",3.111423699914745,4.805840449275365,3.638050582551864,90.66718670076729,74.45893719806763,6.2232452401250375,28.118499573742536,6.794906146795322,1.2448189258312023,811,33,167,7,17,254,112,207,0.198,0.684,0.118,-0.9448,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,5,6,18,0,5,7,0,12,4,4,4,0,27,26,11,3,0,4,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,7,13,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,9,0,1,10,8,38,9,23,15,6,25,0,1,5,0,27,11,0,2,13,108,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646001956093586,0.0922589648264091,0.13624410810468596,0.0,0.08432659365547818,0.12356934686128647,0.0,0.0,0.2254901612150609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069628442923803,0.07351687564178347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25312532830525336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074614699999927,0.0,0.10681614548143188,0.0,0.0,0.15931083445565394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060979178555960835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658777934597746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115388152915378,0.09645514535667066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106646522628042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616717925364868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614315572473876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830541051930572,0.0,0.0,0.13103267174140598,0.0,0.0,0.05891925660518045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253013506003957,0.0,0.11411500077606168,0.08050169381314548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252415425742408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917220276508375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190783313638646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147185838416334,0.0,0.120742024814685,0.0,0.2883086792289841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976188515363332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957517425786384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386804324203136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064610928074736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776626942370852
suicidewatch,xplizit_actionz,2018/04/15,"My last ""cry for help"" Im planning on hanging myself this Thursday and im having second thoughts..... atleast enough to be typing this. I just wanna talk to people ya know? Not about anything in particular.... well i guess ill start with my life. I was adopted at birth because my mother dodnt want me and my father never admitted i was his, she was 16 he was 19. The family i was adopted into was a nice family..... but they divorced when i was 3 and thats when my problems began. I started acting out and became a ""problem"" child...... after a few years of that i started to feel nothing. One day i was a angry and somewhat happy kid..... the next i felt nothing..... at all. That was 8 years ago and ive only ever felt anything for one person..... the love of my life niamh odonnell...... god shes perfect in every way..... but im dragging her down..... i dont let her get close to me because of what happened (im not ready to talk about it) and last week is when i wipped up this plan...... to hang myself in the park that i loved as a child live for however many people wanted to watch..... atleast i can go out making some people feel something. Im not going to leave a note to anyone or anything but Niamh.... the only reason im second guessing myself is because of her...... i dont want to make her start hurting herself again..... i made her promise that she would never hurt herself because of something i did but i dont think she understood why i asked her....... god forgive me.

Niamh if your reading this and im gone i just want you to know i love you so much and this had nothing to do with you..... infact it almost stopped it.

 If i am still alive and you are reading this, i still love you and you stopped this from happening.



-anon, age 16",0.4806069686411192,2.757499374285718,2.5061254355400706,92.29950871080143,86.68571428571428,4.214634146341464,21.393728222996515,5.489589252717563,0.08431707317073213,1311,45,270,7,41,438,175,350,0.064,0.768,0.168,0.9904,1,0,2,0,1,2,110.0,0,8,1,3,13,14,0,0,11,0,26,7,0,4,5,64,61,23,0,10,12,2,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,16,17,0,2,12,2,0,6,8,4,1,4,18,5,58,10,39,40,6,47,0,2,1,4,40,12,0,8,28,192,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287744920114824,0.0,0.0710287291308647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049597706722321416,0.0,0.17511439972731538,0.0,0.06631238379203179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295936093990089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791610449930925,0.04574564370823688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24939735398317506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329231295154362,0.0,0.0,0.06416257637075105,0.05976375496079806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373784048943907,0.0,0.07173128388283091,0.0,0.13621279422161248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037059343563934005,0.0,0.08062523568319138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562804599504952,0.0,0.12545088620255015,0.07550904662290894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754461080366282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186958031636785,0.0,0.5363354826431245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796537794575276,0.1156390341123945,0.0,0.07510735661099388,0.0,0.0725333652549619,0.10020355295221717,0.0,0.0,0.06263476455535742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25607767857552993,0.06711811892025715,0.09469609116922097,0.07191449921789297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214360530173341,0.0,0.10941515163441264,0.0,0.0754375997730886,0.0,0.0,0.2041851605140054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613149911167343,0.10789484147762347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752715181009665,0.06193558976403101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574579202866402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190354363637914,0.0,0.0,0.07293050240030523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921472561535923,0.0,0.0,0.20082577081302572,0.0,0.11329369436960762,0.11860562013484575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402583615357435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545073086085745,0.0,0.05631254246008693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735148557284316,0.056302977550807674,0.056897834245644825,0.0,0.06377690489357668,0.0,0.06400561739470388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038846715903208,0.0,0.0,0.09135650724309886
suicidewatch,_throwawaaay_,2018/04/15,"I miss him so much Things were alright for a while. I got a job.

I worked in a grocery store and a boy that looked like my brother walked in and I couldn't breathe. I probably freaked him out and I left the store and I know for sure I'm fired now I'm fucked.

I miss him so much. I want to join him so bad I cant keep doing this anymore",-1.7984415584415565,0.0580110389610411,0.2857272727272733,106.72859090909094,94.45454545454544,3.5994805194805197,16.790909090909093,4.935628992294339,-1.1723651948051947,258,7,71,1,10,84,49,77,0.199,0.636,0.165,-0.6733,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,5,1,4,2,1,0,1,10,14,8,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,2,2,15,3,6,11,2,7,0,2,1,1,6,4,1,0,3,44,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27603769368296016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240160513838615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573201046093582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261328441069908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27620870681351684,0.24740066920789666,0.0,0.0,0.15296794470938138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024163543956141,0.0,0.0,0.1359824732979774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23373482585212216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092226751362977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000967335193537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623314012848599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491619611263974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417167123816953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263425205852267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tbevy,2018/04/15,"I’m just tired of trying First time posting anything on reddit, wish it had been under better circumstances than this but oh well.

Anyways my backstory is that I am a 19 year old male that has suffered from bad social anxiety for the vast majority of my life. All throughout high school I was scared to go to parties where there would be more than a few people because I didn’t want my social anxiety/awkwardness to get in the way and make me seem like even more of an idiotic loser than I already make myself out to be. Somehow I managed to get through high school and 2 weeks after graduating I left for the Army, and for once I actually kinda truly enjoyed something in my life. But as life would turn out I got injured during training and was medically discharged last month after serving only 9 months of my 6 year contract. Once I was put on medical hold I was treated like utter shit by just about everyone, and as you can imagine this didn’t go so well for my state of mind and it quite frankly destroyed me mentally. Throughout the agonizing months as a medical holdover awaiting discharge I never went to see anyone about my depression, mainly because I feared what might happen and how it might affect my future civilian life, and the thought of that absolutely terrified me. So now here I am back in the civilian world labeled a “disabled vet” at the age of 19 feeling mentally drained and depressed every single day. I am set to start college this upcoming fall but in all honesty I just don’t know about this life anymore. I’m tired of hearing the same things like “You’re  so young, you shouldn’t be worrying about stuff like that” or “things will get better once you go to school or get a job.” I’m always told to go out and make new friends but every time I try I just end up making a fool of myself. The few friends that I had moved away to college and don’t care too talk to me anymore, and every attempt I’ve made at getting to know a girl has been an absolute failure. I just feel like a weak worthless man who doesn’t have any talent, has never had an actual relationship, and fails at every attempt in advancing in life. Believe me when I say that I would have pulled the trigger long ago, however I fear that my suicide would break my mothers and grandparents heart and I really don’t want my depression to affect their lives as it has affected mine.I don’t really know what I hope to get out of typing this or if anyone really cared enough to read through it all, but I’m honestly just in the stage of staying up every single night debating about whether or not I should stay and fight or just push the off button. Any insight or advise would be appreciated, and I’m typing this on mobile at midnight so forgive the inevitable spelling and grammar errors I’ve made.",8.74887867647059,6.93174357169118,8.492355882352943,72.93352647058826,61.8125,11.277529411764707,38.67176470588235,9.888512548439397,3.7131065588235295,2229,92,414,35,25,719,269,544,0.18600000000000005,0.68,0.134,-0.9916,3,0,1,0,1,2,29.0,0,3,1,9,30,36,4,3,24,0,41,15,2,11,5,87,83,41,1,12,21,1,2,5,2,10,13,2,0,3,24,22,0,1,10,1,0,11,11,17,2,1,17,5,47,19,71,52,13,76,0,7,1,0,21,29,1,13,33,278,71,13,0.0,0.0,0.1245650376930432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056575672319814176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043080744487205,0.0,0.053106255838490934,0.0,0.0,0.08680432256402552,0.0,0.04882479457390222,0.0,0.1265915028803441,0.08925373528940989,0.0,0.05252129352851585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599642690791611,0.04907632363454472,0.05328994760415343,0.07781241330160071,0.0,0.0,0.07190721658927016,0.0,0.11289337933896686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014460177985412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116087057248048,0.0,0.1649132332756316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056528667648936076,0.06594672547613592,0.0,0.04215481270752187,0.0,0.26887021183439125,0.06098607906170879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363833875618834,0.06454214767924299,0.04559551346360709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428822734093591,0.0,0.0,0.09861973892733376,0.0,0.2000708334544452,0.0,0.14508943898559826,0.0,0.05104547472970624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056438900752164775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719337109202573,0.07563114204422683,0.0,0.13486604106368033,0.0,0.0633911257143337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333496494199603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522716166900796,0.0520246621359695,0.0,0.0,0.06934440780125019,0.0,0.2704825075983964,0.15590466496170274,0.0,0.05635731029699439,0.05648177956686114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078265740733787,0.17041069865344532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928863525046558,0.1286381314124895,0.13541327227664218,0.06444353009798919,0.0,0.15282990059263474,0.0678342685200816,0.0,0.0,0.0984492189861014,0.061641123614642884,0.0,0.05989402112739998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697201568797179,0.2039097991928616,0.0,0.04854063956147929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044247171310352135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061125260247319735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416023484942067,0.0,0.06788413699236141,0.06384076077982526,0.0,0.12266088449762368,0.0,0.0,0.06852254216670768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507550003287217,0.06389844682417786,0.1937783354446123,0.05085905766705789,0.05810250755894979,0.0,0.0,0.06551389453382278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301200195916475,0.0,0.0491344401483779,0.0,0.0,0.04517459417980159,0.13605469508284354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306262554060179,0.06981253825404146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051298903058074725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480298056576804,0.0,0.0,0.0506687213014252,0.07443197965825657,0.14671142412727325,0.0,0.06098607906170879,0.0,0.0866639194164193,0.06942162891379959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528949512339937,0.05066011501761395,0.0511953532925747,0.0,0.11476996343436448,0.059165013943081025,0.0,0.0,0.07339386283756423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481585138629091,0.0,0.22669187784378644,0.0,0.0,0.08220046906695931
suicidewatch,LaceTalynRhys,2018/04/15,"I need help I'm extremely suicidal.  I make too much money to get low income help and too little money to pay out of pocket or get insurance. I'm out of prozac. Have been for two months.  I need to go to the hospital,  but I can't afford to.  I need help.  I want to die so badly,  but I can't hurt others by going through with it. I don't know what to do.  I want the pain to stop",-0.9154248366013072,0.7812197058823536,2.253333333333334,95.72888888888893,87.23529411764706,5.660130718954249,15.326797385620914,6.937597516519254,-0.39224183006535895,285,5,72,4,9,102,51,85,0.247,0.608,0.145,-0.9151,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,15,19,5,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,9,0,16,18,1,8,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563886180947727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183167998287048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980514180172456,0.0,0.2391008536290989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229925134093852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251909466449277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560641195267335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083244071213292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404145739360614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790452356943072,0.0,0.1546362058144344,0.4679299604872793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238341101590675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586742400904656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009583064432865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548770046712614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24814738659366584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seamus_smurf,2018/04/15,"Kill Me Please How do I find a contract killer who is willing to kill me? I want to die, but I don't want to lose my health insurance claim. Please PM me with resources.",1.7091666666666685,3.129713805555556,2.5288888888888903,98.305,77.6111111111111,5.911111111111111,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.2033444444444444,131,4,32,1,3,41,26,36,0.252,0.513,0.235,-0.4045,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,6,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644550535912242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328939279232996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708536780082319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638243597609556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850699101350182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5594150185002059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005899246949375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamJayP,2018/04/15,"(x-post from /r/mentalhealth) i feel lost... here's where... i can talk. im fourteen... i don't feel happy anymore. i used to be a genial little kid... but when i was eight, it all went away. my father raped my aunt and went to prison. my mother and i were were by ourselves for the longest time. i don't want to tell you my life story... my past is rigorous. here i am, a freshman in high school, simply no upper classmen like freshman in ours and i get it.. i hate my class too. i thought eighth grade was shit. now im in high school. im stressed... i feel suicidal... im working at mcdonalds where i get treated like shit and dont make enough money to pay off my phone bill and do laundry and buy food, im constantly yelled at by my parents... im trying to memorize a lead role in a play... ive lost all my friends. everytime i try to help... im screwed over and get hurt or i fuck up. my parents and teachers have too high of prospects for me, my director aswell. i am struggling with grades. my therapist quit. i have no money constantly. im constantly grounded for no reason. i feel like im not gonna make it to college. i fucking hate myself. i don't want to be alive anymore... but i live in a society where many love to see this as attention-seeking. So I don't see my point in posting this anyways. i just feel alone. no one want's to help me either :)",-0.6903475984109768,1.4816694542253543,1.5845070422535237,96.6725911881546,93.89436619718307,4.743806428313472,21.014445648248465,6.42735559955562,0.29206601661249554,1031,39,236,13,39,345,150,284,0.235,0.653,0.113,-0.9901,3,1,0,0,0,3,69.0,1,1,0,5,12,21,8,2,6,0,19,9,2,5,2,32,46,14,1,3,6,5,5,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,5,9,1,0,8,1,5,3,10,13,0,2,9,8,42,8,31,34,4,33,0,3,2,5,16,22,5,1,10,136,47,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324349377779915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026837080566176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644277174145342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292661512464489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288207060150561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307156903926844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878810380786492,0.050521624627784006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085513622555237,0.0,0.05463727736012484,0.13075704034302035,0.1108431814768484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528162628791787,0.0,0.139640623865973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948028291338519,0.22415532748939224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757060875564746,0.0,0.6874973124334011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995087849368872,0.10364910530772813,0.07087895607750665,0.06244611935621456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439615313546018,0.0,0.06382660410041449,0.0,0.09441088273739426,0.07169790504495202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792098373830262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705002695390974,0.0,0.06750922992612303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668522563658503,0.0,0.13545839135929713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521829730125887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727108481995341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314268489221105,0.1127076778038172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451839506175912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100830645317735,0.07393079046701051,0.0,0.07735504184635772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056841204917798524,0.06181147033162464,0.0,0.0,0.08211013961415672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056142938712678656,0.041236782425958934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602703584034776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107845793083295,0.0,0.0,0.12513558863886212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111433114645202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148423033543724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tessneedssleep,2018/04/15,I think I'm ready My boyfriend is losing interest in me. My brother passed away. All I do is create problems. I have no friends. All my parents hate me. ,-0.4016129032258071,1.80842238709678,1.2925161290322578,96.83877419354843,99.32258064516131,3.7703225806451615,25.55483870967742,5.6839178017228535,0.6590593548387105,118,6,25,1,5,38,23,31,0.274,0.465,0.262,-0.128,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,2,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753607280538599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30866695761251384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944417493914159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469589442764835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44361795055517617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822851933101493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559952860941948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CutestFemaleEngineer,2018/04/15,Can’t do this anymore. I can’t seal with my illnesses anymore and I used reddit as a coping mechanism to keep me alive. People are so disgusting on this website and don’t realize what they say can do to someone. I have no one anymore and I am going to end it all. ,1.5801785714285683,3.2919238035714287,4.1601428571428585,85.18485714285717,78.82142857142857,7.337142857142857,27.271428571428572,8.238735603445708,1.953354285714286,207,9,43,4,5,73,41,56,0.173,0.7809999999999999,0.046,-0.8001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,1,8,12,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,7,0,6,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.801320642676532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23854991453841576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306867608037705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939636721735835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825076376392348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867222309254232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418514701260086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820576018382474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326180348984327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JollRoints,2018/04/15,"I'm not going to make it I'm alone. I'm listening to Johnny hobo & the freight trains right now, thinking about ending it all right now. My girlfriend is asleep, I don't blame her. It's 1 in the morning. I slept the entire day, while she was with her friends, being productive and stuff. I'm not going to keep letting her down I'm sorry for what I'm going to do. You just want me to be happy, but I don't see that happening ever again. I'm tired from this life. It's been hell. My life up to this point has been shit. I'm alone in this world. My dad is dead and isn't coming back. My mom doesn't care if I die. I'm ready to leave this life behind. I guess this is my final post. Nobody will probably even read it. That's okay. I'm okay with this.
Farewell reddit",-0.7572825777017371,1.322183497005991,1.219213002566299,100.48548902195611,91.2754491017964,4.13903621328771,14.539207299686346,5.622346879071545,-1.0472181921870545,592,11,144,4,21,194,97,167,0.175,0.7170000000000001,0.109,-0.9409,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,8,7,2,0,3,2,16,7,3,1,2,17,40,5,2,2,5,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,0,15,5,0,1,1,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,4,2,16,5,17,32,1,22,1,0,1,0,10,8,2,2,9,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208132214457407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780994646038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909140774718766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579081590552372,0.0,0.0,0.13341344319984966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988331760706803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073862280387688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717569104230956,0.0,0.0,0.10229527431684088,0.14009576594882486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169660973461533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196581433847378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264061734738653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706152712220258,0.0,0.13695785756755302,0.16487021439999772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376624350069563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639931444150261,0.0,0.1583729634471475,0.3281841447696414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033820816986348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139091547854375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640950765340052,0.0,0.14833004497187915,0.0,0.16698437884657624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491963353932198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645294557246225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341749189219825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897975539353199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337292911321578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772979368652461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923939020298386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800915734866832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135089284183123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arckain-,2018/04/15,Would you talk to me? I need help right now.... Please...,-2.8975757575757584,-3.0233177272727243,-2.3599999999999994,118.51333333333336,135.36363636363637,1.4666666666666668,3.6666666666666665,3.1291,-3.5319333333333334,39,0,11,0,3,11,11,11,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316753919227772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669115838152432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431768309063442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225837388354629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977271372746787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35151438429847065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idratherbeagerm,2018/04/15,"Is my tinea versicolor ever going to go away? Can someone actually answer this shit I can't find this anywhere. I'm black and have tinea versicolor and it literally makes my whole body other than my face, lower arms, and lower legs 2 different colors, even the doctors couldn't determine what my actual skin color is. I'm doing the medicine shit but I've tried it before and it didn't work. I've had this for years. Years being picked on and not wanting to go swimming with anyone and remember being made fun of when I did with people. I'm afraid to even get in a romantic relationship because I don't wanna have to show some girl this shit. I already have a huge scar from a surgery and weird bellybutton. If the tinea versicolor doesn't go away I'm going to kill myself within a few months.",3.6584615384615375,5.530856796178345,5.053757961783443,80.33998040176388,73.39490445859873,7.888094071533562,24.81577658010779,8.617729084823388,1.7761086722194999,635,20,120,12,13,212,98,157,0.14300000000000002,0.789,0.068,-0.8995,3,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,4,1,7,0,16,9,8,3,1,23,29,10,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,3,2,0,6,6,6,0,0,4,4,9,1,17,22,3,17,0,0,3,0,2,6,3,2,5,75,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.2883117208451061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630154630144301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329101363319576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27758032153507645,0.0,0.0,0.09005027091702172,0.0,0.12570097563781424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408640682965828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433858169955847,0.0,0.15120024840917826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513864915383952,0.13362346746708648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501569781881295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771789143947829,0.0,0.4197705331799239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343307028047901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139778610636985,0.0986059224343966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791069803773108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241218835779546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585986920137879,0.16734080692093506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454905100711886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516480325052534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029388745380237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713056369025929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492690681510486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754374656513983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190256906190408
suicidewatch,minty_fruit,2018/04/15,"I’m ready to give up I’m a 17 year old girl, and I’m just done with everything. I’m so depressed and lonely, and most of it is my fault because I fuck everything up. I can’t keep on going like this. I’ll think I’m getting better, and then I come crashing down again. I can’t escape my OCD and depression. I absolutely hate myself. Every single thing about me.

I just want the pain to stop. That’s all. But it won’t. I’ve been waiting for so long but it keeps on going. I’ve tried therapy and medication, but I still want to die. I do not think I was cut out for this world. My death will not have an effect on many people, but it will stop my pain and that’s all I want. 

I just wish I never existed at all sometimes. I don’t deserve to live. I am worthless and nobody can convince me otherwise, because it’s true. 

Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow. But for now, all I want is to die. I’ll probably fulfill that wish eventually. ",0.3639826839826874,2.3830350808080816,2.8073448773448777,91.7286363636364,84.55555555555556,5.993650793650794,20.539682539682538,7.2636822038024595,0.5255985569985575,718,22,163,11,21,247,108,198,0.205,0.63,0.165,-0.9304,0,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,3,9,15,3,0,3,0,15,4,0,1,6,43,39,16,3,6,10,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,11,11,0,5,4,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,3,1,22,5,19,33,6,23,0,4,0,1,2,9,1,1,12,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606303233356456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304893469097546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349319814990855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269566414869739,0.0,0.27347679410232584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482865263948002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100724737808212,0.0,0.2368214816413393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661807294364251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180315504698233,0.068835295261642,0.12638909870374931,0.1497560768775477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007841501295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23421552790057976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436766495152166,0.0,0.11633995902742796,0.11659690439405672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357645633190207,0.13236319477941266,0.0,0.0,0.1327268827479775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016157268929862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825218982351667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28038810987096624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134066317569607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420515859708749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030668964207526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521779601627562,0.22030214506059614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067057968612296,0.0,0.08753057263053404,0.16884349142704738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945136647694353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108443867066225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030179740796561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484435428952172
suicidewatch,twenty-ish,2018/04/15,"i want to kill myself but i also dont want to i want to because i know i have nothing to live for anymore, everyone around me hates me and my gpa in school is shit and im not good at anything and i have no friends and probably no one would care if i died
but on the other hand im always fucking guilt tripped into thinking about my parents and family and it pisses me off because i dont want to cause them any pain but at the same time im so sick of feeling this way and so sick that i was born and that i have to live this shitty live i have. i promised myself that i would do something special if i could make it past 21, i dont know if its possible anymore. 

im so tired. 
im so so fucking tired. 

edit* my boyfriend is currently in the process of maybe breaking up with me and i dont want him to but i also feel like i need to when i kill myself. i love him so very much but we've had a rough patch for a little and it seems like hes fed up with it. i want him to be happy, but i also want him to be happy with me but i dont want him to be with me if im going to die eventually.  ",0.31403609831028945,1.4671913790322575,2.8616820276497705,95.57978494623659,80.7741935483871,5.691551459293398,21.486943164362522,6.18269132825596,0.02753625192012299,834,24,212,6,21,291,114,248,0.248,0.5710000000000001,0.182,-0.9851,2,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,12,19,7,1,5,0,21,12,3,2,0,49,44,31,4,16,12,1,4,2,1,2,5,0,0,0,11,16,1,0,6,0,0,2,8,9,0,1,3,4,42,10,31,35,2,20,0,0,0,3,10,11,4,5,7,146,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307459810624624,0.06349581103159023,0.0,0.0,0.0518932353187638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135750050880908,0.0,0.0,0.06279640837726376,0.06793184111234052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930354101019002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780285873030582,0.07839111643529212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609271125460743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839491052693866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471721946717079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291722021293827,0.0,0.0,0.07193802502774561,0.0,0.07716898786986028,0.05451568861450714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058956710542340175,0.1410942373293056,0.0,0.0,0.043368579911407516,0.06400498368101995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624662598379247,0.0,0.07534006303932675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945656397507362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885082702047605,0.0,0.083875667341916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456216213365015,0.07648239990916075,0.20214867730929464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068872513504763,0.0,0.050937339436844316,0.0,0.07666338368110376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609643418055942,0.05658270021852847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322124704867758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170945009835393,0.0,0.08119893631488828,0.0,0.08473292802237854,0.0,0.07284627492429704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602775838601136,0.0,0.0,0.08227479894198125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722952393673424,0.0,0.06946951507266064,0.0,0.0,0.0783308444849564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058746960740228976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889619575479669,0.0,0.0,0.04449681907025329,0.17541362529664528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296352165599321,0.3600756618623667,0.060571114254031125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841649000254143,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mathofakko,2018/04/15,"Suicide is NOT a selfish choice! I just need to rant about this, and I usually don't talk about suicide. I do everything in my power to not think about it. But at times I'm very, very suicidal.

 In reality, dying is the last thing I want. But when my mental/life struggles turn into an existence worse than hell, suicide seems like the only option to escape the horrible and intense pain.

Nearly everyone I've been talking with always reply with something along these lines: ""Don't do it! That's so selfish of you, how can you just leave your family, friends, job and dog down? To be honest.. you're just mean.""

Why not give love and support? Don't get angry or blame a suicidal person, it's incredibly rude. Don't judge someone who is suicidal unless you've known and felt the ENTIRETY of their struggles.

Alright, so apparently I'm selfish and mean because I want to commit suicide? Of course, we all know that people who knew you would most likely be heartbroken. And again, I really don't want to die or do that to my family or friends.

I know I have all the potential in the world as someone who is only 18, but the suffering is just too much. I feel hopeless, completely broken and yes, suicidal(not always). Though of course, it goes mostly unnoticed by most the people in my life. 

Why the actual fuck is a suicide/suicide attempt/suicide threats so ""egoistic""? We're not talking about an individual ""attempting"" or threatening about it, though if you make it all up to get attention and it's just bullshit, then fuck you for making people doubt/disbelieve other people who are actually suicidal.

I don't believe suicide is selfish. First of all, it's technically a choice. But in most cases, it's intensely depressing. It's fucked up. It's a tradegy. No contempt or blame should be put on the person who had commited suicide. 

Sure, you leave the people who love you behind and all, but if someone goes to the point where they actually wants to commit suicide, they're most likely suffering a LOT. People usually don't realize that you've been suffering that much before it's far too late, unfortunately.

If I'm threatening suicide, it's because I want others to know and be aware of it, and those usually hearing it is the ones that can help me. If I just go and die, without any letter or anything, I could. Nobody can stop someone who is 100% determined to kill themselves, and there's too many easy ways to end it.

*So I don't think suicide is a selfish choice. We didn't choose to be born either.*

**tl;dr: Please stop hating on people who's suicidal. Be friendly and give them love and support instead.**",3.8158761660874334,6.045657867203218,4.9838389427473935,79.44938929028719,73.94969818913479,8.139912200475582,28.800484726541065,8.906399129114982,2.614767002012072,2068,87,368,45,44,681,222,497,0.247,0.59,0.163,-0.9966,3,0,1,0,0,16,87.0,2,8,3,3,26,36,9,2,22,2,39,8,0,3,9,95,77,42,18,13,28,0,2,3,3,2,2,1,0,2,36,22,0,2,15,0,0,2,15,22,0,2,6,3,32,14,48,62,14,34,1,5,0,6,37,17,4,18,17,251,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.13109547718657882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452053513223557,0.0,0.0,0.03045170699350035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03684984789254764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459453493389738,0.0,0.038104195777530055,0.05045134679046739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046950625601706465,0.0,0.0,0.035752917847891696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038568658877221516,0.0,0.13942266390790944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966149088275391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427888878206454,0.040245074479334994,0.0,0.0844285636221993,0.0,0.022641943532361243,0.0,0.04299549970677557,0.0,0.0,0.03808955921436662,0.0,0.0,0.10378997168173043,0.1241942330410986,0.04679105232197349,0.08591346790764293,0.02544931492658083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04421064731178679,0.0,0.0,0.050469935671306004,0.0,0.030014864779028164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443690677810962,0.0,0.0495420634159088,0.0,0.07382919652506581,0.03650140271832395,0.05051341131320791,0.09483039673617663,0.0,0.0,0.03162920088523768,0.0656312455799452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03807006888858554,0.12124618487958833,0.0,0.05978154670955305,0.045399550720694785,0.0,0.09755636313121027,0.0,0.0,0.04512736889427621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583641072110619,0.0332035533605027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030343859146911505,0.06811390444815794,0.04764871956154182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731206450650306,0.07819975052287252,0.0,0.0491546238514759,0.04233125642613178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501593041815733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028686999325639773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076572418309595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517666555351481,0.03447357298559619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487560819629044,0.0,0.0936268547741735,0.0,0.7837069478899523,0.10163086379929592,0.042204303254410346,0.0,0.0,0.10797659279192656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02974961891396063,0.05738600097201936,0.08799158479219607,0.0,0.02611138211265473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870741548925235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479554199973634,0.07389582480142402,0.1320610297658435,0.03554401286031683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081336322779394,0.0,0.0,0.043165998007194256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456343031199331,0.03181018842380205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ssddgrl,2018/04/15,"How long exactly? I feel like the craziest thing I’ve done in a long time is paying someone hundreds of dollars to sit in a room with me and tell me how I’m unhappy because I’m unhappy. Compared to therapy suicide seems rational. I’m already aware that I’m the problem. I know my thinking patterns are unhealthy, but I’m far to exhausted to fight them any further than I already do.

They ask what I think about when I’m depressed like I have any thought larger than how a 9mm feels in my skull or how much I would choke if I slit my own throat. 

The one thing we seem to agree on so far is that I’m going to be depressed the rest of my life. We just seem to have different ideas about how long exactly that’s going to be.  This isn’t a manageable condition, not by definition but because I’m not willing to manage anymore. ",3.6260526315789465,4.507591561403507,5.0797807017543875,84.02388157894737,71.98245614035088,8.50701754385965,32.37865497076024,8.841846274778883,2.616079532163743,651,31,136,12,12,219,100,171,0.184,0.769,0.047,-0.9711,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,2,0,2,0,10,7,1,0,8,0,12,4,2,5,2,30,32,12,1,3,7,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,10,0,2,2,3,5,0,1,2,2,17,2,21,26,3,16,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,5,7,84,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242953642132359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998432250206542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457211660004584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736545413063286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791418118534626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531117607426924,0.0,0.0,0.15351699047096548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036668433473596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859065264250707,0.10497120636266777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701438676589533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587301469947333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075225874530885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378533970330736,0.14357115001378293,0.0,0.0,0.3901015750185161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080149681354355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956772986134378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405980399288594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012954245614813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449851292086965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072428629662974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842866110431106,0.0,0.16803427944039945,0.0,0.1952356821300792,0.18830148844750366,0.0,0.1166508806641616,0.0856796437101756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437921664759447,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PleaseKillMeLoseskin,2018/04/15,"I've Been Sold A Lie There is no American Dream there is no white picket fence. There is not picking yourself by your bootstraps and making it. The best people aren't the ones being promoted or hired. Our country is controlled by the shadow government, our tax money is being used to pay for unnecessary wars and to fund single mothers because this country needs bodies. Everyone is miserable and on antidepressants doctors are more willing to turn you into a women than to prescribe men testosterone trt, Atrazine and Floride in the drinking water. There's no real way to opt out of any of it, it's over. I don't even know why I'm posting here really it'll only be a matter of time before I snap, it's over we as a species lost ",3.890539906103288,5.922192302816902,4.813732394366198,81.62698356807516,73.15492957746478,6.986854460093897,28.734741784037556,7.793537801064563,1.9908572769953048,585,24,104,8,12,190,101,142,0.119,0.8109999999999999,0.07,-0.7184,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,3,2,0,4,6,4,1,1,8,0,15,4,1,4,0,18,23,6,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,7,2,2,1,2,5,0,6,3,0,1,3,1,7,1,19,15,3,9,0,2,1,0,8,6,0,1,1,73,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662338073712345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039903629939507,0.0,0.1959827067894683,0.0,0.2417033629815135,0.0,0.0,0.2558301396998888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583199724761239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23573909271676702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256228662365147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212213137709768,0.0,0.0,0.2200776550845388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265761375252231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514180886261248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373831019297124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077705302094887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606868295477686,0.17516637067591856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967272951345118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22057991181972172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621510396447813,0.1475468951065464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429962868996925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25051863537642466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989198414254316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828148241520532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782516658550207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redditusername9979,2018/04/15,"Becoming overwhelmed For almost a year now, I have been depressed, my emotions range from feeling like complete shit and wanting to die, to at the best feeling very neutral. I’m in a borderline abusive living situation without my father that I legally cannot change until I turn 18 in a year. Tonight is prom night, but nobody wants me there so I’m stuck at home in my house with shitty ac making it impossible for me to sleep. Because of a concussion a long ass time ago, I have a neck problem I’m trying to see a doctor for that causes me constant pain and discomfort along with shoulder, knee and elbow injuries that cause constant pain simply going through my daily routine. Try to do something fucking decent for myself in starting to work out. Shoulders destroyed. Same thing with running, knees in pain as I walk and even as I roll around in my bed. I haven’t had a day where I’ve woken up and been happy to see the sun rise in what feels like a lifetime. Physically, I’m in constant pain. Emotionally, I’m battered by my mother who has borderline personality disorder. I get constantly roasted and looked down on because of my dumbfuckery early in high school.  I should be going to my dad’s for the summer in a few months, but Can’t fathom a scenario where I last this long feeling this way. It seems as if the “meh” days are becoming less common and giving way for times where I feel like this. I play video games with my few friends not because I really enjoy them now, but because they take my mind off of all my shit and they allow me atleast a bit of socialization. On top of it all, I go to a school with one of the hardest curriculums in the state, hooray!!! I even tried someone’s weed and drank some alcohol, neither were able to make me feel good even for a moment. I’m truly clueless about what I’ll do moving forward. I don’t really even know what I’m doing posting on this",6.4444009216589855,6.269635037634412,6.766420890937022,78.10177419354841,65.55913978494624,9.128725038402461,33.843317972350235,8.563005593585519,2.6794092165898618,1502,60,283,19,21,487,211,372,0.16899999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.121,-0.979,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,3,13,21,4,2,20,0,18,18,10,5,2,46,52,18,1,5,6,3,6,3,1,1,6,1,2,1,15,17,2,0,8,3,0,8,7,12,0,1,7,10,36,9,59,43,10,63,0,2,3,2,12,27,4,4,29,183,51,6,0.08029814924067817,0.0951401763996709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711794643887747,0.08581430131173655,0.08040699742091292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148237702045125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957960259065676,0.17736599426228933,0.0,0.0,0.08426795362596949,0.0,0.08766478193250203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497663682675293,0.08494479474200972,0.0,0.08419108174263022,0.34709509155616003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357132672018636,0.0,0.06916067827896544,0.0,0.08333680146901268,0.0,0.09202863573521854,0.0821885582717524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064922012069967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214468105434445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436069416730957,0.17209504158560807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203815091517651,0.07423434506586829,0.041952468794364456,0.07702930159829766,0.1369058660551585,0.06735027786319425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547887300471989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483940334709214,0.08054559079930189,0.0,0.0,0.0926532831878549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044129762844655335,0.06545370888236647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768885910842845,0.0,0.0709047369098099,0.1421226704852076,0.06743022175650881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719927628700046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107824030383204,0.0,0.06409321663487952,0.08534422486699647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535437351656891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441210405791978,0.0,0.34177156893020194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011324667295978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690343051398266,0.0,0.0,0.0768344843213985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288210111040286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253202789031246,0.1279744574167838,0.0731004192811396,0.0,0.0,0.1648497925602909,0.0,0.0902584841070905,0.0803561396037404,0.08185385096649225,0.06803636127428328,0.061817438298103725,0.0,0.0,0.056835443324858015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060374215001016314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334652234551533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364499312570042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355151727641687,0.08734132817984973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625438262605016,0.09472385775092164,0.12747386659211074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774045504218759,0.0,0.0584580089935555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341875086552088
suicidewatch,Nokia15156,2018/04/15,"Death Tonight Hello Reddit. My name is Nokia, I am 15. Everyday I wake up, happy for a second. I eat my breakfast and get ready for school, I get there and I already see people talking shit about me. 5 minutes in. I sit alone at lunch, sometimes eat in the bathroom, like you see in movies. Then I met a girl named Emma. Everything was great for a week, then life said “Fuck You” too me and took her away also, every 6 months I am happy for a week then it is taken away, and I am done this time. Cutting does not work, the suicide hotline just wants to call my parents, and im done, with it all. If i get the balls to do it some night when I feel the most alone, I will end it all. Thank you for listening as nobody else will. I bid you goodnight and goodlucky.",1.096729957805909,2.9373259303797497,2.4838227848101257,96.01581856540086,80.83544303797468,4.972827004219409,20.659915611814352,5.6839178017228535,-0.16490261603375522,579,16,132,3,15,187,102,158,0.101,0.762,0.138,0.7958,1,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,4,0,1,6,8,3,0,8,0,11,8,2,0,2,18,25,13,2,2,3,1,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,5,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,7,5,23,5,17,16,4,21,0,0,2,1,15,7,2,3,13,85,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885510954708347,0.15372395297618835,0.1114002895445761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617588755429669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422435942419152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190469943318373,0.2851099788976248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850828030903204,0.11636950029348335,0.0,0.12338081249847035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736850193881188,0.0,0.1251962515226817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704356121615679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287830675649003,0.21833967626972886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358167811428936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29658055089650875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047078086457585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839359078644386,0.06805624485875787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111900568533013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307261129236652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467912228065642,0.0,0.0,0.0965749269191028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250873282555456,0.0,0.0,0.14098173231464434,0.22201237421120296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299218208576125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777389600344042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237450395713145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196620410183414,0.0,0.12825117650068596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122850323607579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477038458078696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216432004566686,0.0,0.22348038784894264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014139979984553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XuicideOfficial,2018/04/15,"Tomorrow i'm killing myself. I can't take it anymore. I have a decent life yet i seem ungrateful and i hate myself. Goodbye reddit, thanks for your help through the months",1.4236363636363656,4.126565303030308,2.3597575757575764,89.89963636363636,92.93939393939394,5.064242424242424,24.78181818181818,6.742157984588678,1.2821563636363638,137,6,25,2,5,43,28,33,0.294,0.557,0.149,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37459103297764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729146153131593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531738943746176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178848454824196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26679073928954755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014879041656653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34385685973995256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839941026832174,0.0,0.0,0.3477485263002149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nospecialname_00,2018/04/15,"Why not to kill myself today? Why not?What's even the point of life?I am gonna die someday anyways so why shouldn't I do it a bit earlier providing that I am not even enjoying being alive?

Should I keep existing to suffer and hope things will get better?",3.785,5.398029019607847,4.653088235294117,84.41139705882355,72.52941176470588,8.237254901960785,26.47549019607843,8.841846274778883,1.9899372549019598,204,7,40,4,4,66,42,51,0.16899999999999998,0.614,0.217,0.4445,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770996463937536,0.25640058920280345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24374217933244854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31023872996373675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270192750458675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326378495660235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874971637493575,0.25983201368744485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588487419958753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220136756675629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560270779187264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261486737676686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6357597196967928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eulomelo,2018/04/15,"I am a doomed monster I am with depression, taking medication. I am certain I have narcissistic personality disorder. I can't do anything but think about everybody that mistreated and humiliated me at my university. I know I can't change, I am a narcissistic monster doomed to an unhappy life. The only thing I can think that slightly makes me happy is taking my father's gun, going to my university and killing as many people as I can, and then killing myself. My chest is hurting, I am sweating, I have a lump in my neck for a almost 9 months and it does not disappear. I have no friends and no hope. ",6.223559113300496,6.592109508620691,7.860788177339902,68.22017241379312,65.98275862068965,11.111330049261083,36.39901477832513,10.914260884657429,4.18341527093596,477,23,87,13,7,167,71,116,0.279,0.569,0.152,-0.9656,0,0,0,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,6,0,15,6,3,1,1,15,23,9,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,0,0,21,4,9,23,0,6,2,4,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010991749869036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526346331688085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244827801028054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297195256065193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23016507661196786,0.0,0.17574501201083706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515839873297144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413458031286232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137840162103681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946646922202352,0.0,0.0,0.2149893971139468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444370517015536,0.0,0.11036923632370033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185000967933029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405354454202034,0.20360700014313407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023120179765618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029815067039002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273794049247885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922811647344355,0.17535434121207846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019937372771125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342049791941787,0.2573635933096966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whatthekd,2018/04/15,"Idk what to do anymore... Let me start off with my story. I’m currently a sophomore in college. Back in my senior year of high school is where this starts. I was gifted swimmer and medaled at state every year from my freshman year in the 100 Fr. I even started getting offers for college. All of a sudden though around summer of going into my senior year I started getting these horrible back spasms and pains. This lead to me going to at least 25 doctors around my state. I got diagnosed with degenerative discs and I had one that was buldging. This forced me to end swimming competitively and end any hopes of swimming in college. I was devastated and still have physician therapy. I’m 6’4 220 so not a small guy lol.

At the end of summer I started selling bitcoin for PayPal and ended up getting scammed $2400 total among three people. This really put me in some financial strain the first and second semester of my freshman year and college and made me really sad. I eventually made it back after hard work with an actual job irl but it sucks.

During November of my first semester freshman year during thanksgiving break probably my best friend I had in college got in a car accident and passed away. He was only 19. I was devastated when told this and this disrupted one of my friend groups. I also didn’t get a bid from the frat I wanted so my social life was in the gutter for a few weeks till i reconnected with some friends. To this day though I still haven’t really told anyone about it and it haunts me every once in a while.

Over Xmas break of this year I went in to get tested for sleep apnea as I snore very loud. The results were worse then we expected and I have a very severe case and have a cpap machine and may have to get surgery too. It’s a struggle when talking to girls or having one spend the night as I don’t want to bring it up lol. The doctor said I was sleeping 1/2 as good as the normal person and less than 1% of people that have sleep apnea at my age have it as bad. I’m not overweight by any means at all and lift and workout everyday.

I also live in a more affluent part of town but I just have parents that made good financial decisions and only give me what I need. All my friends and kids around me tho are spoiled and never work so it’s been a real burden when it feels I’m not as good and poor relative to them. I work and don’t spend time with them. My parents say we live in a “bubble” but its still hard to see otherwise being the only kid working and doing other stuff my friends do.

With the intense pressure of school this year it’s been a struggle and I’ve had thoughts about killing myself bc I feel like everything bad happens to me. And I have shit luck. I’ve never followed through with any thoughts but I feel it’s getting worse and worse. What’s holding me back is my friends and family bc I don’t want to let them down. But it starts to mean less and less the more I think about it.",3.1058914327152216,4.847651671742813,4.088496840360508,87.23245105148659,74.58375634517769,6.922628543803308,25.428398770675784,7.6729893032291185,1.2842932490762808,2322,79,471,31,49,750,265,591,0.141,0.767,0.092,-0.9814,5,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,2,0,3,9,28,25,3,4,27,2,37,11,4,5,6,85,84,55,1,7,10,2,5,1,6,1,7,3,0,5,32,42,1,1,9,3,4,11,10,12,0,7,25,9,59,13,81,55,15,95,0,1,1,0,28,32,2,6,49,322,91,19,0.0,0.0,0.058280304859520266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551972988403316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183954203800025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922842811376865,0.041759188604237385,0.0,0.0,0.15949640372360846,0.0,0.0,0.056111023563829264,0.1836909075468764,0.0997311749696962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267482099653089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03851591312738618,0.0,0.0,0.060616830660429465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222565152230672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115847621385332,0.0,0.0,0.03944598550910345,0.0,0.10063714957942653,0.0,0.053674510976718916,0.0,0.05630082592113553,0.0,0.09059209821708754,0.04266559018644748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159943747648832,0.0,0.0,0.27684759173025825,0.0,0.21841688936745707,0.05729102798187896,0.06788306648944785,0.15027657944127815,0.0955306845016068,0.0,0.0,0.05913442097354502,0.05281219197119984,0.0,0.10699881786506052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309984032403053,0.0,0.059317673729983915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926512179416622,0.0,0.06607382545637769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214010203092004,0.042183594192905786,0.029177276613939825,0.0,0.10547168887839063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953192225869118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011008555652315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428329459868409,0.09212296808082772,0.0,0.0,0.0560452896770145,0.05851512867903973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360225138018928,0.12140803479142867,0.13626439605101634,0.06354868898169913,0.0,0.1326289908163618,0.06467338118443207,0.0,0.08280778237287878,0.05214716859291494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439069089181072,0.0,0.0,0.06003736066129714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797699991062099,0.11477881555298015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680953980693108,0.04749353345185322,0.0,0.12088421892197458,0.04759090416699798,0.0,0.0,0.06746914774957331,0.061304035493081034,0.0,0.0,0.17929615407503852,0.06087931694618266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25363031259462154,0.0,0.14308280755817887,0.0,0.0,0.12486933393234165,0.06836769239914989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048002485521674486,0.0,0.0,0.06829760228828599,0.0,0.0,0.03826760888048866,0.11735362264549255,0.09482559726159984,0.034824526577597395,0.0,0.0,0.11413434606464044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855422833108073,0.10567719826787653,0.0,0.04790558976322989,0.0,0.0,0.05536312778417927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391404878523448,0.0,0.1825862371046287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076733880094515
suicidewatch,Th30nlyscrub,2018/04/15,"Please for the love of god, dont. Please don't commit suicide, I promise you have much to live for. This world is most probably the only my world you will ever see so you should take your time in it. Write all the good things you know of on your arm or something, hopefully that helps and if it doesn't then dial the suicide prevention hotline.",2.8869565217391298,4.804932115942034,3.260217391304348,92.17119565217394,75.66666666666667,6.339130434782609,23.09420289855073,7.1686216300943375,0.6915681159420295,272,8,57,3,6,84,54,69,0.023,0.644,0.333,0.9749,0,0,1,0,0,3,7.0,0,6,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,7,2,1,0,3,12,12,5,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,7,10,3,7,0,0,1,1,9,4,0,4,3,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576664210718417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19886988962980895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844025106252148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473630274504822,0.0,0.0,0.21836392605403868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082561973061792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413448490810964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842617985251432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161746640808494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720833568383686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826657882533168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370390337367607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751946093785227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925380539252596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809676360583461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653023146515923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460607582587721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819822269283462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DerpDurpDerpDurpDerp,2018/04/15,"Why? Why me? I just want to vent right now. I wonder why almost all classmates/peers get to live atleast lifes worth living while I'm getting this dysfunctional brain that turns reality into a horror game for me lately. My classmates are worried that their boyfriend/girlfriend might leave them or that they will suck at that next chemistry test. I'm sitting here hoping that those creatures won't kill me and go away again. Odd considering I want to die and want to kill myself because of the intense fear, but those things petrify me. It's really hard seeing normal and happy people, it's just destroys me. Depressed since I was 13 to 14 years old, strongly depressed and somewhat suicidal since the half of 2017. Now 16 years old.

Now I'm just really easy to piss off, strong mood swings, emotionless and getting visual and auditory hallucinations (fucking terrifying humanoid creatures or sometimes just faces in the dark when going to sleep or shadow beings) that startle the shit outta me and making me paranoid and uncomfortable in my own room. I'm so fucking petrified by those. One appeared once under my desk when I sat there and it crawled towards me... I pissed myself. It had pitch black eyes, white skinny body, long sharp nails and huge sharp teeth. Starting to feel like some demons are after me and want to kill me/abduct me. I'm so scared and I'm living in constant fear of those.
Luckly those hallucinations have reduced drastically over last few days. I hope this shit goes away completly or atleast is only caused by depression and not some other neurological/psychological disorder.

**Why me? Or why do people have to endure those psychological/neurological disorders in general? It's so cruel and I just want to die now because of this intense fear**",5.105616379310344,7.756683837499999,5.1596982758620715,77.72375000000002,71.5625,7.413793103448278,28.53448275862069,8.326086129247049,2.269121767241379,1428,56,237,24,29,446,187,320,0.242,0.611,0.146,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,5,41.0,0,0,3,2,17,28,12,5,5,0,12,14,11,2,1,48,41,26,6,8,12,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,22,15,1,0,2,1,1,3,2,20,0,2,3,8,27,7,31,34,6,39,1,3,4,2,4,15,7,15,21,144,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535165293119436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601642643504504,0.0,0.0,0.10391828438141644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467810432109457,0.0,0.09515168925674923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756096546225718,0.0,0.0,0.0893684407985347,0.09210995541078787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497024024892581,0.0,0.220241212766028,0.0,0.1769232525409294,0.0,0.19537593565111144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877429660949627,0.043097938828360285,0.060892694797455314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759882246239887,0.13359705016961826,0.0,0.09688329240480838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907354252199815,0.0763548134629489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931738137222727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829033844393104,0.0,0.0,0.06947880685486425,0.0961500459391616,0.0902527345270404,0.0,0.0,0.060204785997880025,0.04164205843888509,0.0,0.2257951430852607,0.07543127609533748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056895766025355676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042204412115824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064957113243816,0.0,0.08351329153342886,0.0,0.0,0.17888192067463266,0.09077367651075197,0.05775819480606185,0.06482590337423541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818397441241768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920887072601064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727911731531788,0.0,0.0,0.08533621676618958,0.0,0.06792214498644081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498728632697133,0.14101638380738418,0.0,0.08529766759534822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430069335495885,0.0,0.060330558141102275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323447115760837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566270847857377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927124127062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513723335774541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845616631725504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243492655377253,0.0,0.08656140827655892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097785219393829
suicidewatch,mahboilucas,2018/04/15,"Permament solution I was born almost 19 years ago. On Apgar score I had almost none. My mom cried a lot. She got to see me after a couple of weeks. They told her my brain was damaged but they couldn't diagnose how. They said I would be delayed if not retarded but at least alive.
My mom and dad did everything to make sure I developed well. I did a nice job and turned out to be an average kid. I think.
I have this feeling like I've never been happy. I was always an anxious and neurotic person. I worried about everything. When I entered my early teens I suffered a lot of bad breakdowns. I would cry and cry and cry for no reason. I was lonely, had social anxiety and thought I'd never make it in life. I spent my time on the internet. There wasn't any connection to the real world. I didn't care how it worked. I was comfortable around my internet friends.
After some time - mid teens I met my first boyfriend. It was at a Christian camp organised by our church. Our parents have been friends for years then but we only met twice before the camp. He was the opposite of me. I was shy and he was this guy that everyone loved for his wit. We met because I showed him some memes and he finally found a person who understood him. 
We've been dating for 1,5 years. Up till last month.
We had many arguments, misunderstandings and bad times but besides that we loved eachother. He was my first in many ways. Especially my first happy time. I've never felt so nice in my life. I didn't know a person could feel genuinely happy. That it doesn't have to be forced. I thought he would propose someday and that I could share my future with him.
And then he says he doesn't feel anything for me anymore.
Ouch.
I haven't been the same person for the last 3 weeks. I constantly have to be around people. Especially my parents. I get really lonely when I'm by myself. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I cry way too much. I have no energy to do things. I went back to my previous self. The one who didn't know what happiness is. I'm afraid it's just how I am. That depression is who I am. I have considered suicide for the past month. Every night I can't sleep thinking about him. I want to be a strong person. I don't want to hurt him. I'm impulsive and words just slip out of my mouth. I text compulsive messages. I want to stop but I don't know what to do. 
I've always felt suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But depression has never been temporary. It always comes back. I can't live like that. 
I got pills prescribed. They don't help. I feel pissed at myself and my body for not absorbing them properly. I could die any moment and I wouldn't care. I just don't want to suffer anymore. Last 7 years were especially hard. It's gotten better and then suddenly went back to how it was during the worst times. I don't cope. I don't know how at this point. I have no support. I feel like only solution would be to just end it. ",0.6469496129295109,3.0564162964824133,2.4792994250531954,91.65646917017521,87.87772194304856,6.108099053827697,20.127869075105266,7.483850760857524,0.7643495586038309,2287,72,487,43,74,755,251,597,0.204,0.649,0.147,-0.9927,4,4,0,0,0,2,74.0,6,0,5,6,22,36,1,1,21,0,69,13,6,8,5,93,115,34,3,15,13,5,8,3,2,5,4,2,0,8,24,25,1,2,18,1,1,4,29,14,1,5,43,11,88,22,50,57,9,71,2,8,1,2,56,17,1,7,51,318,112,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292609548632299,0.0,0.11957461213880373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490414511492084,0.0,0.0,0.08120475950650242,0.0,0.04567521045284046,0.06745120457778811,0.11842535306214508,0.0,0.0,0.04913325608650156,0.10630265749429782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377315417190327,0.09970465183038718,0.036396449635998564,0.0,0.05080572420724151,0.0,0.0,0.05280543323366968,0.0,0.06632031843225407,0.0,0.06665205620797902,0.0,0.0,0.1217492490746359,0.0,0.0,0.051431751922208765,0.0,0.06452137606079131,0.0,0.14301203686775926,0.06606396396693043,0.32792322518209394,0.0,0.0,0.1028500198455736,0.06060070983718072,0.061965786760953635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061094523326941035,0.0,0.0,0.052882122987240085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050305192749750496,0.057051996227466914,0.10732047287573146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509466759693999,0.08530848685920557,0.11465495889264345,0.06540541109401367,0.0,0.1523586262194518,0.0,0.06546495412760422,0.09225798837703418,0.0,0.031194114599823845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550527846729416,0.0,0.0,0.05911869439170224,0.0,0.2542341690013922,0.05348518096142196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001992197878106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391690511790911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924936045292072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125224035674835,0.1460059840007072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434475124224695,0.08750855107349481,0.0,0.05272181953525667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152044314472802,0.10777466198451416,0.0,0.07970893264722659,0.12106577797967663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985476039112246,0.09531411152844198,0.0,0.04389105264706385,0.0,0.18419693663233655,0.0,0.0,0.056030384638282436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404585822569826,0.09081877135725316,0.0,0.0,0.13259371862388136,0.0,0.05699648711277362,0.04139287997380496,0.26066650122576634,0.0,0.0,0.05644181947543729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713093360222074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795892167742075,0.03824943018299418,0.0613880935525224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679443151868682,0.047480902721247636,0.0,0.0,0.0475782475410087,0.0,0.062286766512350364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194989806147114,0.06086312631567128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049917199697381856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306181584511875,0.06775408234931984,0.05627254814722527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966625992155222,0.07651486350120514,0.0,0.09480037874264632,0.17407632561395414,0.0,0.0,0.057051996227466914,0.0,0.0,0.06494338661921721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408654584073769,0.09478427652131692,0.09578569889552656,0.0,0.05368319804802034,0.11069680832778912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346694924584423,0.060634718048179985,0.0,0.1696547718236433,0.0,0.0,0.15379578170155514
suicidewatch,Socks-are-unhealthy,2018/04/15,"Just taken 90 tablets of 100mg niacin, is this enough? Only thing I could find as I’m desperate. I just feel sleepy. ",0.4287500000000009,2.7952210416666716,1.2966666666666669,100.015,88.58333333333334,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.5115666666666665,91,2,21,1,3,28,21,24,0.108,0.892,0.0,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087240143544823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289470337582967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588405817031772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678828007891748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893358938961456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400948621805156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wish_i_were_dead,2018/04/15,"Sick of it all My dog is dead from cancer, the guy I like has a girlfriend, therapy and medicine aren't helping my depression and social anxiety, I can't find a job, I have no friends, and I might have kidney failure.",7.7677272727272735,5.571925772727276,8.008181818181821,76.83227272727272,64.0,11.52727272727273,40.18181818181819,10.125756701596842,3.879763636363636,170,8,35,3,2,56,35,44,0.379,0.467,0.154,-0.9098,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,7,3,1,0,1,6,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566477516858605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889557168156525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30663037223406797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591975500197569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33218631830716194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487084124335932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329205273124603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390271413920446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35590023656547964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419882333244545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836602892163644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anna_Banks,2018/04/15,"I’m New to this. So um.. I don’t think I have depression, and I haven’t seen a doctor. I am afraid to. See, I cut for the third time tonight after fighting with my boyfriend and am very suicidal.  I’m terrified of people finding out or noticing and I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I want to die but I’m not going to attempt. I wouldn’t be able to. I just need someone to talk to , even if it’s a bunch of strangers over Reddit.  I don’t think I’ll kill myself but I’m starting to consider it and I’m just overall depressed right now and need someone to talk to about it. ",-0.07892792247123026,1.72690626771654,2.1570078740157466,96.99797092671108,84.74803149606298,5.167534827377348,22.367655966081166,6.297961479604792,0.2210925499697152,444,16,108,4,13,150,74,127,0.21600000000000005,0.76,0.024,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,3,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,24,25,10,3,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,1,3,12,2,19,22,1,10,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,2,7,66,17,1,0.19159659539493806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300437337288374,0.0,0.19884701681863876,0.0,0.0,0.19610723402961008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265477442678295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687699546524063,0.13687664603295366,0.0,0.0,0.1751158171259843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888876050821683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119732454072215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360441859211394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841328955474029,0.0,0.18504518574638595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813399375082088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282895498568215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362244560126551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267768043493676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246783470473569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561305636280166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957557797627466,0.0,0.1805775237071605,0.0,0.0,0.30799617165681603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24553472399526155,0.0,0.0,0.11172151555379384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808725681953875,0.1130086360605496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KoaNLaG,2018/04/15,"First post here. Looking for some advice/counsel/help. Thank you. For the last two and a half years I have been feeling like shit. I hate myself and have done a lot to distance myself from those who love me. I am not taking medication of any sort, and I am not even sure if I am truly depressed or just a weak piece of shit. I just want to talk, and be heard, and the anonymity this subreddit offers me is the only reason that moves me to seek advice and help.

Two years and a half ago, because of my home country's situation and other events, I was moved to a different country. I was not given a choice, and while I am aware my parents only wanted the best for me, I still resent it. Around that time I was hurried to enter college in this new place, studying something chosen by my mother under the pretext it made money. Up to this point I look back and realize that I have not made a single decision in my life, and do not know how to feel about it. 

I feel inexplicably broken, and find it hard to sleep most days of the week, and loathing the moment i wake up. When I told my mom I wanted to study something else (In my first year here) she told me I was the problem, or that my perspective was the problem. Something a long the lines of ""If you have a positive outlook and try hard, you will find you will like it."" I do not, two years a half have passed, my grades are shit, and I cannot find the motivation to improve the way I live.

It's stupid, it's moronic, and I hate myself for feeling this way. I should be grateful but I'm not, and that makes me feel worse. I should try harder, but I'm not, and that makes me hate myself. I've said countless times ""I'll try harder, I'll be better"", but the truth of the matter is that I do not know why I should try harder, or be better.

I don't know what's wrong with me, or why I am like this. But I know that I'm wrong, and that seems to be enough.  I've made many mistakes that I regret almost immediately after making them, and despite this, I find myself repeating them shortly after. I just hate myself so much, for being how I am. I am selfish, ungrateful, lazy, stupid, a liar and if you ask me where do I see myself in ten years, and I am honest, I'll tell you ""I have no idea"".

I don't have any real problems, yeah, the situation in my country is really bad, but others are worse. No matter how many times I am told how others would kill to be in my place, that does not help me, but only makes me feel worse about myself, and how much of an idiot I am being. 

If the me from three years ago saw me as I am today, he would barely recognize me. 

Sorry for the rant, I feel i only wrote in circles, without really explaining anything, but I don't really feel comfortable talking to others, and could not properly say what I wanted to say. I didn't even believe in things like depression, was raised to believe it was all in my head, and even now I just feel like an attention seeker by putting what I feel into words.

My bad.

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suicidewatch,LifehasbeengreatXDXD,2018/04/15,"Writing this with a 12ga in my mouth So this was my life, long and pointless. Filled with pain and sadness, no light in the dark. Well no i have found the light, its loaded and pointed at my head. Just typing this because i wanted to say goodbye to someone, i have no one so i figured reddit was my family. 14/1/1981-15/4/2018 ",1.3364062499999996,3.9283173281250043,2.0956250000000023,94.286875,86.65625,3.825,23.625,5.148860815047168,0.2368187500000003,255,10,50,1,8,79,44,64,0.191,0.777,0.031,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,4,4,2,0,0,10,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,3,3,8,1,7,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483069651374346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012989464254003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35043480167654184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280110691749983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257493079153537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28284393161523763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657534841777812,0.0,0.3400865391161782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021338375275493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25416592664391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708036916266065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851368506210092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28736689900754064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chamomile6,2018/04/15,"I'm diseased and in pain  I've been wanting to kill myself. I'm 21, alone, diseased, and in constant pain. I injured my teeth so I have constant tooth pain. I recently had disturbing HPV symptoms and now I'm taking medicine that burns my skin for 16 weeks. I'm paranoid I have oral cancer and that partly explains my tooth pain. I've had panic attacks and wish all my pain and health problems could be resolved. sometimes my teeth hurt so much I fantisize about having them all pulled (but I've never had a cavity and they are beautiful teeth) I can't get out of bed. Help",2.5091866028708125,4.760531736842103,3.35708133971292,89.45275119617224,78.12280701754386,5.899840510366826,26.15311004784689,6.980632752743323,1.2014842105263157,454,18,89,5,11,144,71,114,0.345,0.5760000000000001,0.079,-0.989,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,1,4,12,2,2,1,0,11,15,6,0,3,18,20,10,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,11,0,0,4,1,14,1,7,14,4,10,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543174597988268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974689517713173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30348612962138977,0.0,0.11211315331468527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336313703188029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492588411127708,0.0,0.0,0.09411990235334496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032145419012266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535282952021146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032241290104833,0.0,0.1082997969037322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.747078633438948,0.1647514530171525,0.0,0.15206010386478894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436202836296054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864683188734733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388779911823716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594911664543134,0.10557761999710373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282277010242009,0.0,0.11263565970560713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147493136356364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PracticalSpinach,2018/04/15,what do I do I've been suicidal for 5 years. It comes and goes. I can't straight up say I have depression or anything cause I haven't been diagnosed but I know without a doubt that I am suicidal. I think about killing myself at least twice a week. Normally it just hits me like a ton of bricks for no reason at all. I'm too scared to tell my parents because we don't really do feelings in my family. My Aunt is suicidal they treat her like she's crazy. I'm not crazy I just want help and I don't know what to do. I haven't told anyone in my life I'm just too scared of what they'll do. I have no one to talk to I don't know how much longer I can just go with this. the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I'm afraid it'll mess up my little brothers. I don't want to ruin their lives I just want mine to be over.,-0.4600270270270244,1.4052432540540565,1.7947972972973003,98.6700337837838,86.72972972972973,5.42972972972973,17.35810810810811,6.742157984588678,-0.3034810810810811,642,15,162,8,20,216,100,185,0.255,0.621,0.124,-0.9764,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,3,0,9,12,2,4,4,0,24,2,0,4,1,29,40,5,5,4,9,3,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,12,9,0,2,3,2,31,3,20,33,4,13,0,2,0,0,14,9,0,2,4,106,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823624131010787,0.0,0.11561408490650525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128692676517862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443254069088929,0.0,0.12102261090036275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100674649088343,0.14259782824438433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324446596308106,0.0,0.07103767672615299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984562827270572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416975438103836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31087022898505395,0.0,0.23163447025663966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923463259153133,0.13727594247019992,0.14081128054056866,0.12405823276689383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327880322931897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376536875676475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520195356115817,0.10685155004093667,0.0,0.0,0.15600127758744484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000365986363043,0.2889011974999015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172597861186667,0.28131677497673657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610308800292114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292326093504786,0.12279741084185575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002248812763212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424744992099372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485999153002177,0.0,0.11269531888380972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543060946221902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047313357678594
suicidewatch,417ForOnesHeaven,2018/04/15,"So I’m “selfish”, am I? I think about the people I would hurt if I died all of the time. I’ve stuck around so much for them. Am I really that selfish? I would be dead over a decade ago if I only lived for myself. Can we stop calling suicidal people selfish? It’s a very demeaning word when used to define people who, in reality, care too much about others. 

I truly believe the people in my life would be better off without me. I could write a book about how horrible I am. It’s not on purpose, but I’m A LOT to manage: a perpetually sick, neurotic, helpless piece of fuck. I don’t get joy out of making life shit for others. It’s not on purpose and fuels the war on myself. I don’t thrive while living through the pain and no one enjoys being around it. My SO needs to be with a functional, healthy person. I don’t want this in her life.",1.4522928571428582,3.232722382857143,3.6447678571428597,88.41229464285715,79.45714285714286,6.203571428571429,21.223214285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.5750642857142862,647,18,139,8,16,222,105,175,0.281,0.616,0.103,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,1,1,11,13,3,0,11,0,15,7,1,3,1,28,26,11,4,8,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,1,0,21,4,26,17,5,16,0,2,0,1,7,11,2,3,5,103,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135058458050605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381912506554706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694551822850912,0.0,0.13105112819179682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130599211913984,0.0,0.151077033845465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830783077183135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378505140522905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369878897527997,0.07741672894077346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862728536216406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139868607395033,0.0,0.0,0.2616872358511108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597537595965286,0.0,0.0,0.0989097608967487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178553082395964,0.10987188202960807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040903984928284,0.11269581289763955,0.1576715129759335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109110208921429,0.12938304630995298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949264246350054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210227280232352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238831865571364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162082346257965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494628271395993,0.0,0.0,0.08640360457698268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797795115812408,0.0,0.1222621153963704,0.08739904266030425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428380086083937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31578354568494305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,654898151,2018/04/15,"It gets old for me I getting sick of it. I did not do anything wrong and I just start crying. It makes is worse because I get angry at myself for crying. Im so sick of people staring at me, asking me questions. I just hate it all. I hate my old workplace, I had to leave because of stupid rumors and people orverthinking my actions. Or mabye I was the one overthinking them. Whats done is done. I dont want to kill myself because I would feel like I lost the fight. Like this is what they wanted all along. For me to just end it so that there is one less person who will call out their stupid abusive practices. Did I not get the memo? Everywhere I look, the ones who are cruel make it somewhere. Those who are fake rise to the top

We all know its fake. From a CEO to a homeless man, its all bullshit. But im expected to play along. Smile when I feel empty, laugh when I feel like shit. I just want to dissappear and people just forget about me. Like expunge my name from the books. I just needed to rant. I cant tell that to others, my family cant keep things to themselves.",1.0691950646298451,3.1965313288288333,2.419392871132004,94.90831374853113,82.55855855855856,4.941950646298473,19.111633372502933,6.046907544983943,-0.20683219741480616,833,21,183,6,23,268,121,222,0.27,0.627,0.103,-0.9912,0,0,0,0,1,1,27.0,1,0,3,2,12,18,8,0,8,0,18,3,1,2,4,37,39,9,1,6,10,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,19,7,0,1,5,2,0,2,5,12,0,3,7,5,33,6,24,30,5,12,0,1,2,0,16,4,1,2,10,128,52,3,0.0,0.13995085451862604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720128536288554,0.0,0.11042465297142044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601143313417773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206119768130804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25949478236838797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241752033525634,0.1384337519416789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461774237042902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135140814352712,0.0,0.17917246395780684,0.1687674547862036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24684771793034466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332347073975277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551760369865069,0.0,0.0,0.10498896014456123,0.13068038320260747,0.0,0.0649147211359931,0.0,0.0,0.12507021034533075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082651336635135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918961171104684,0.0,0.1289400627227784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768974672823813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758321268155686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24789054384884054,0.0,0.2401200233350192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566504189598284,0.1031363316348642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231951338861994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124672356667378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360473105330855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324058857288164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847254094304659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900767694374567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037262495170555,0.08390784166722308,0.12914380364047334,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crazywildcoconut,2018/04/15,"I want to die I have an amazing life, but yet, I just want to die. I can’t understand why I feel like that, I’ve been battling depression for such a long time, I’m exhausted. Why can’t-I leave? ",-1.33285714285714,0.6919166666666712,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,96.61904761904762,5.6571428571428575,18.904761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.3408761904761905,148,5,37,3,6,50,31,42,0.399,0.4370000000000001,0.16399999999999998,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,2,3,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595051598683255,0.0,0.5445288785822278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264549437323608,0.1874136402971535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777770565212708,0.0,0.0,0.1852964160102389,0.12816463103591194,0.0,0.0,0.2321600331913316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529708429910725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27310211992996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309466376959949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734367657967887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZoologicalPrime,2018/04/15,"i just got my class ring, i should be excited right? i dont have any friends, so no one to sit with at graduation. i transferred here because i was raped and all my friends are still back in the midwest living their lives. they all get to be together on their big day. i have no one and i can't sit with my parents. 

i just got dumped by this guy who was amazing at first, and i felt really supported and cared for by him. he flew down here to see me and broke up with me half way through his trip. it was really unfair and he didn't give me any reasons. 

i don't have any prospects after college. my grades are bad because they wipe your GPA when you transfer, so that 3.9 I used to have means nothing now, i'm just a shitty student who isn't involved in anything anymore. i used to be so involved, college athletics, student senate, clubs, research, everything. it was ripped from me when i was forced to drop out of college because *i* was raped. he hasn't had any consequences. 

i just want to wither away. i want to stop existing. i don't want to go to graduation with nobody i know there. the good things in my life are temporary. i do stand up but i'm not going anywhere with that. ",1.5758402203856754,3.690963574380163,2.8243181818181853,92.77314393939398,80.61157024793387,6.0168044077135,24.54614325068871,7.1686216300943375,0.9302721763085398,923,35,201,12,24,297,135,242,0.128,0.815,0.057,-0.9298,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,4,1,15,12,3,0,3,0,26,3,0,3,2,31,46,12,0,4,6,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,4,1,0,4,10,5,0,4,12,3,36,7,33,30,2,31,0,1,1,2,20,13,0,0,9,137,44,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774205630301158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760327504626138,0.0,0.0,0.11417989098400932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036072126968976,0.1066906183383679,0.11585092443852738,0.25374316599292185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146544615578666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948263454747292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261462640332158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470005928092626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322229941457805,0.0,0.0,0.11802115795449143,0.0,0.0,0.21439668148083074,0.0,0.07249144241692343,0.13310218305862673,0.15771028485153546,0.11637738921670775,0.2219430005736784,0.0,0.0,0.13738487164126714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625368075014337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800362594490183,0.0,0.0,0.2450385782052022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114003916106689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331349072625976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804194467946053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406608012081746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777743270588814,0.14265868757411426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849222262904342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056623456581896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080637879387073,0.1160016834552906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745249455373045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217970870101752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396718746438501,0.0,0.0,0.24551603077226505,0.11013373855325892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuPelagic,2018/04/15,"feeling horrible and ready to die hey. i'm just here to vent i guess. i'm a ftm teenager, and i have ptsd from molestation, anxiety, and depression. i've been doing much better as of late; ive gotten off one of my antidepressants, ive done better socially, and i've been feeling generally better. over the past year, ive dealt with a lot of shit, and its all just coming back. i feel like shit and everything has been crashing down at this point. ive been sleeping for twelve hours, ive been crying so much more than usual, i relapsed after 4 months of being clean and i just cant deal with it.
i want to die, but at the same time i dont. i know people care about me and i do want to help them, but it hurts so much to deal with everything.
i just took a large amount of zoloft. i know it wont kill me, or at least i probably wont, but it will do something. i dont know if i want help. i dont know why im posting this. im sorry,",0.5806409588327242,2.2576860792079216,2.80978113600834,93.85384835852007,81.77227722772277,6.232829598749349,19.542470036477333,7.273561745256523,0.2319069306930692,716,18,172,10,19,244,108,202,0.14400000000000002,0.705,0.151,-0.1368,0,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,3,9,11,4,0,5,0,24,4,3,0,1,36,41,16,3,4,9,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,12,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,8,3,24,5,25,29,9,19,0,2,0,0,7,7,2,4,10,110,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298454536497747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834120540708647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878170560957474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059944752107603,0.0,0.0,0.09344325966479217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915680075278515,0.0,0.22366987853025452,0.09343101053115194,0.0,0.22516382920009484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100954950801292,0.3814024200492271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498411855468809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454756734104425,0.07749593190265293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949955498634987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541958309661107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682791323091732,0.0,0.1161267843050789,0.0,0.2343473723716045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200136375880184,0.0,0.2384643088921369,0.0,0.12236668843977005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052996342760002015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222319652270354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658524102719962,0.0,0.2392290487594488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350676704979367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035534926617985,0.07520423643192367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025457503600844,0.0,0.1038909016659966,0.0,0.11695646479306393,0.0,0.12680371216995953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226999949687184,0.0,0.0,0.10855525874510108,0.11057855709306501,0.0,0.08351083118853067,0.0,0.1214310285786109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632537632412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052184729503485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947199968693438,0.0,0.19194749035094524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788354600078017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985557864441752
suicidewatch,Wirlpool69,2018/04/15,It all goes to shit. I've posted here before but right now my mental stability is deteriorating. I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore I thought I was depressed but things have evolved into more than that. My head is fucked up. I've been having suicidal thoughts for years even before I was diagnosed with depression. But it's gotten far worse than depression. There's nothing on this planet that could change what I feel. I've got a tied noose with me right now. Just need to muster the courage...,2.537402597402597,5.237557489795922,2.9355658627087213,89.88410946196663,81.24489795918367,6.012615955473097,22.17439703153989,7.348242739294969,0.8170489795918363,406,13,81,6,11,125,69,98,0.328,0.672,0.0,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,2,0,9,4,2,0,1,15,17,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,7,1,9,1,11,9,2,10,0,3,0,1,0,6,2,0,3,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429639483639156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990999591692933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591979132854328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403217683811286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541186630499904,0.1783821618602912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321619291262939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886428709297471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624776890211457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056302383122074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803698109145752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658739331085596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711427728984044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303161141673826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863649760477525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683195515044046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30017842545462714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040445636750388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922415557947601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676023625349485,0.0,0.0,0.2790511291158561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910387453893006,0.0,0.19215461666623584,0.0,0.11317699123750533
suicidewatch,BarrelBottom,2018/04/15,What do you do to avoid killing yourself? It hasn't gotten better. Just want to know different ways you guys avoid suicide when you want to end your life every second of the day for years. How do you stay alive? What are your fixes? I'm out of options. ,1.105882352941176,3.5459963529411773,1.83872549019608,97.01926470588238,85.47058823529412,4.184313725490196,18.303921568627448,5.46131890053228,-0.4957607843137257,198,5,42,1,6,61,39,51,0.26,0.657,0.083,-0.9193,1,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,6,0,1,3,4,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,10,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,6,1,7,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014259453567146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896957239967414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073133027830558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26052040170903235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24782531946339464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912444724497168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254219136835113,0.0,0.16165144500345216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775951526171296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135137027950933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32174100800007754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34698234240777115,0.2334743425579917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894162741902
suicidewatch,77fml77,2018/04/15,ready to end it all Im useless afraid to talk to everyone live next door to my grandpa he never talks to  me anymore . live w my abusive dad whos a crackhead  .. cant handle the stress of school and work I have no social life.. am a junior in credits but just a freshman in my program bc credits from other campus wont transfer im ineligible for fin aid but i appealed havnt heard back from them..  i barely make any money  .. my grandpa gives my dad a car but not me so my dad can use it to just get drugs and i cant get one to get a better job .. even though im working hard  no one gives me any credit .. im a 25 yr old loser idk y i even try anymore.. ,-1.3300588884799431,0.6624671608391637,1.7033051159366968,96.25592933382408,94.17482517482516,3.5699668752300333,18.71512697828487,4.9825596385082,-0.547369230769231,496,16,116,2,19,174,91,143,0.115,0.777,0.108,-0.0088,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,7,8,0,2,7,0,6,2,0,2,2,12,15,7,0,0,6,5,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,4,0,2,1,2,15,4,13,13,1,8,0,2,0,0,14,2,0,0,5,63,18,11,0.0,0.1543563458693894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718497054214566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25839855719391863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017458463649527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521897471075936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107937636663488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538630815044736,0.0,0.0,0.1720927950859305,0.0,0.0,0.1244847756753085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419227801600184,0.2499461735205585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670215232066578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628838888929715,0.0,0.12927932119115626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920181425021365,0.0,0.0,0.23007306709737266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696057330182601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047726570922436,0.0,0.13855053241973114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670326864274412,0.0,0.17655745177858476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184677000439685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280048249489096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492312870534811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094226268625081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799599676538406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844918982887702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251706506824023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968568267393587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marcelo_GS,2018/04/16,"I want to end it, but I can't Recently I've started to feel lost. I feel like nothing I do or say matters, keep having this tough in my mind that it will all be in vain.

From an alcoholic father, whom every day (when he is drunk) finds reasons to fight me, my brother or my mother (got so bad one time that he hitted my mother many times in front of me and my brother when we where around 9 or 11). My brother, that already is depressed, I think gets hurt the most from it, and without him trying, wanting or even knowing it, hurts us too. My grandmother, a person I loved dearly, it's in very late stages of alzheimer, she doesn't know who I am anymore neither does she knows who my mother is anymore. The only person I loved had no respect for me, was so disingenuous that I no longer want to find another another person to be with.

I've considered suicide many times, from taking a knife to the shower to cut my own wrist or jumping in front of the subway train, but something inside of me keeps preventing me from doing it. I don't know if I'm too much of a coward to do what I want or that I still have some courage left in me not to do it.

Every day I try find a reason to end it all, something that will give me the courage to do it, but i can't.

But even if i don't do it, even if I decided not to do it, then what?

Live long enough to get a disease like my grandmother and not recognize my own self anymore?

I've decided that if I can't do it directly, I will do all within my power to make my life last as little as possible.

I'm now smoking a pack every day, eating like there is no tomorrow, stopped exercising, stopped leaning new languages (something I loved to do but cant do it anymore), studying and everything, hopping one day something, like a car crash or a thug, take my life away from me because I'm too much of a coward to do it myself.
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suicidewatch,deadNOLIFE,2018/04/16,Just tired There is no hope. Life is meaningless to me. I feel like everyone dies in the end. & everything just goes black. & also there is no God. They made him up for money. ,-0.803571428571427,0.9855426111111107,0.8379365079365115,98.21500000000002,109.0,5.390476190476191,13.476190476190474,6.868970318607317,-0.13761428571428524,138,3,31,3,7,44,30,36,0.223,0.613,0.16399999999999998,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,6,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,4,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166560192266478,0.0,0.5870871886170407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117399520886943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399562496125444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588773346137265,0.2434869926091948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369861730620642,0.1935465466448394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26908641964808666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913600385093848,0.13235867837410298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563527029302545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31138468827469723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressedOne11,2018/04/16,"Can't take this any more I've struggled with Depression and Anxiety for over a decade and any time I take a few steps forward, I eventually take 10 more back. I tried therapy and medications but nothing seems to work. I feel so disconnected from the world all the time and can't really relate to anyone because of it. I tried my best to live a normal life, went to school and got a job but had to stop working because the entire time I had underlying depression and anxiety issues. How am I expected to function after working at a high stress job for 8 hours a day only to come home mentally exhausted, depressed and feeling like crap? I need to fix myself first before I can handle the real world and after many failed attempts, I think I'm giving up. What's the point of living? so I can grow old, miserable and alone? The many years of hardships are just not worth it to me. I'm going to take a bunch of Fentanyl and pass away peacefully. ",5.940513196480937,6.063650930107527,6.737878787878787,76.87227272727273,66.58064516129032,9.98944281524927,31.425219941348967,9.800150414767053,2.8813935483870967,747,27,143,15,11,248,116,186,0.215,0.6940000000000001,0.09,-0.9736,2,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,7,5,11,1,3,13,0,8,4,1,1,1,27,24,15,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,12,0,1,4,0,1,7,3,9,0,1,4,2,14,2,25,20,6,28,0,5,0,0,1,10,1,1,14,89,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203900856474507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809503103390568,0.0,0.17784730495861556,0.0,0.0,0.08127804948920328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921176159174684,0.08938175748460721,0.0,0.14171824089366145,0.0,0.0989120907943916,0.0,0.1219872170161392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013088476197801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496549616799522,0.0,0.3003532769163935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754936319926565,0.08304222535368565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887409673533856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150846468137512,0.06606214610511321,0.0,0.09296813422604644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281445392109375,0.11659868362460833,0.0,0.11447346237128253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132486559338435,0.23070148933311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821040918428084,0.056789229193675864,0.0,0.2052849548781178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569921323772036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171000590158716,0.11714306832358995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619084637989323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389099461955272,0.11153587990221417,0.0,0.1219748347299596,0.0,0.0,0.08840612646009018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988483009871908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230711964318154,0.07446663087925852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764157609861875,0.0,0.1058209714027163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718224994744712,0.1331530822606535,0.12151979291579025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495935121528017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293112448592811,0.0,0.0,0.07448220888339344,0.0,0.0,0.2033422838817914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578393175011874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775609369629854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538733714033356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485506092485929
suicidewatch,Throwawayfriendjustb,2018/04/16,"I'm a failure of an adult. I don't see how I got to be such a state, but more so, I can't see how people manage day to day. I just really want to be done with it.   
  
I think my self-hatred continues to climb as I ruin my life, more and more. I find it only more difficult to control myself in daily life.   
  
I have no idea what to do, other than, you know. The stress and fear only push me more everyday. ",0.8564686998394855,1.7578947752809029,3.687672552166937,91.26932584269665,78.7752808988764,6.8834670947030485,18.332263242375603,7.447530270364453,0.1302667736757619,301,5,74,4,7,108,60,89,0.238,0.741,0.021,-0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,2,4,0,7,2,0,3,0,13,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,2,13,0,11,10,5,8,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,53,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560600413144413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29447173180442704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233632151820816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690315692281024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086638393189708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825939191199409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577251039663409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546877693371825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32251282722121793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472678297557665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827582096766799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625607030943696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638541794879541,0.0,0.23816871673105486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615191036722017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462866662641772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465840072932833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notningamaster,2018/04/16,"Upset crying and in pain tonight is it I can't do this anymore, nothing nobody cares, my life sucks!!!! Tonight is it!!!!",-0.12456521739130365,2.0616946956521787,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,102.04347826086956,2.3000000000000003,23.14130434782609,3.1291,-0.2170782608695654,90,4,18,0,4,28,20,23,0.4270000000000001,0.573,0.0,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124528307851701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240293241975897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568375234163986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937566197795519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990593200512012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425381104634619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,porfykills3sums,2018/04/16,"How do I make this look like an accident... I’ve been depressed for a very long time. Recently, this have just started to spiral out of control. I lost my job not too long ago and with the fact that I wasn’t born in this country, finding a new one that pays the bills is next to impossible. My girlfriend of nearly four years also recently left me because she realized she “started to have feelings for her friend.”  I find my self once again not wanting to get out of bed nor do anything. Friends keep giving me the same tired old “things will get better just have faith.” bullshit we always hear. I’m just tired. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I don’t want to try... I’ve thought of ODing on pills or hanging my self but... if I survive, I know I’ll be out on suicide watch by everyone. I need a way that is most likely to work but if it doesn’t, looks enough like an accident so I’m free to try another way with out anyone being suspicious. 

Any thoughts?",2.35766506602641,4.132382173469388,3.3554501800720296,91.5408103241297,76.75510204081633,6.448499399759905,25.81512605042017,7.285733465282438,1.0913400960384156,750,28,162,9,17,240,124,196,0.111,0.79,0.1,-0.4955,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,0,5,8,10,0,0,8,0,15,3,0,3,1,37,36,10,1,6,10,0,1,3,3,1,3,1,1,2,9,9,0,2,7,0,3,1,7,2,0,2,5,5,19,9,26,28,3,26,1,2,3,0,12,9,0,4,17,99,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069024537947793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644181911255603,0.10034682449544158,0.0,0.0,0.08201047112292041,0.12645704882368794,0.0,0.0,0.11960036648771814,0.08432461269617081,0.0,0.0992415100776066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073515148619112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665873487369663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526040967525496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433078114099387,0.10387049519999866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460950942443473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523612944738745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097774606276884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204479562356752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634673971413307,0.0,0.12601448733502246,0.11568816126487695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592220635876795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967446228534599,0.10719264572814287,0.0,0.0,0.06627726092048702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102959358563798,0.0,0.0,0.17675361750801785,0.0,0.0,0.2134500778448059,0.2025431415534424,0.0,0.13164647449194974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049980270652413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942155704542483,0.0,0.11647386763382407,0.1282568651653316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654684458993545,0.12843245746625306,0.08172002261997667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23815106806728825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516190970797549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071913665311642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319141485904209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011965514386453,0.0,0.0,0.19148197151407528,0.07032140264539115,0.2772182918176166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375564374589954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995056107573062,0.21339468300518907,0.19144944753973253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779645448349145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766086982286052
suicidewatch,xxjamsessionxx,2018/04/16,"I can’t go, not yet at least My girlfriend she’s the only one who I care about anymore. I’m 17 and so in love with this woman but I hate my life. I hate myself, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t living with my severe anxiety and depressive disorders and I’m sick and tired. She’s scared and rightfully so because I don’t want to be here anymore. She’s scared and I’m pushing her away because without her, well I can’t find a reason to stay. Everyone always says it gets better but it’s been 5 years now, 5 years of improvement but then relapse. I can’t get admitted again, I know I need it but I can’t. I’m 17 with high expectations on college, I can’t go back. So either something changes real fast or I just want to go.",0.17902084884586605,2.190660930379749,2.747364110201044,91.91919210722266,85.26582278481013,5.996128071481758,21.95234549516009,7.285733465282438,0.7531536857781087,569,20,129,9,17,197,91,158,0.229,0.66,0.111,-0.9726,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,13,9,2,2,3,0,10,4,0,1,0,28,28,16,0,4,9,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,10,5,1,1,2,1,23,4,13,25,2,21,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,1,10,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218724266973904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233642682408077,0.0,0.29126260999097964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796620721618522,0.11291514663563525,0.0,0.17903134153753752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987293605341485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497188023214579,0.0,0.15534309737777624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264778379091083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829769694516447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031719472845916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421415206736345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344145488736016,0.0,0.25036709249563266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289959114334636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551503624871548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070246173006734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037213390149879,0.0,0.0,0.12966729137175625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253382206102673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888409818201647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950633002140734,0.11168264099582853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714235920032305,0.0,0.15098165965437602,0.0,0.0,0.16634735715917764,0.12540527838078186,0.0,0.11677745764508085,0.29403598145084736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658936484829613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304886151473445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651779420302986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856268081537464,0.1687773323427308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732265938518166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203176492050606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155384859293588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912741075169606
suicidewatch,snoofle-science,2018/04/16,"Hi reddit, it's me, just to let all know I've started cutting again. Oops. I couldn't resist Don't you just love insomnia? It's great, it takes over you and consumes you. Now, ah now, I've lost my control, I slit my thighs again. Whoops. Should I not have done that? I mean it's been 2 years but God have I missed the blade against my skin. That soft, sharp cut ozzing blood  dripping down my legs.

I wonder what people would think? What my my parents say? Oh well, I don't care anymore. I've just missed my blade so much. We'll be together won't we? Forever and ever
You see this pain is good, right? It feels so good. And the beauty is no one will ever know I've started cutting again, I'll always hide my thighs and I'm so so good at acting. I got away with it for a long time before, and I'll do it again!

Sweet, sweet blades, god you're so intoxicating, your edges, your sharpness, your beauty. I love you bladey, mwah! ",-0.6566284233900817,1.537280818652853,0.7935510732790547,101.6501489637306,95.73575129533678,3.586158401184308,14.664877868245744,5.288315135182226,-1.1598717986676537,710,15,168,4,28,224,113,193,0.15,0.64,0.211,0.9612,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,8,0,2,17,17,3,0,3,1,17,10,5,1,3,25,35,11,0,3,5,1,5,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,12,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,7,2,1,4,9,28,10,8,23,2,19,0,3,1,2,15,5,0,1,13,95,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309981508432847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586376723286978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028800279907012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611446570872615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309022503679466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794091203835232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636949624639398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893865666219756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088075298867439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025014258742604,0.12793489467753685,0.17635683697409107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758200365017698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357028289655492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415598651662852,0.0,0.0,0.17461560442481416,0.0,0.2887409000041335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742437016860182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758925344867227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839326460101524,0.0,0.1702090773071448,0.0,0.17761702493604406,0.0,0.0,0.11089635724505302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660525434882093,0.0,0.12720688084098708,0.0,0.0,0.127467678976198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264415006069097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027026660681447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024961254538932,0.0,0.0,0.09327415925351333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382355401599647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347016273553836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363123438372133,0.0,0.0,0.10300921294405684
suicidewatch,onthesilverglobe,2018/04/16,"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. Everyday I wake up extremely paranoid, depressed and it eats at me everyday, I feel guilty about everything i've done. Most people seem to make it worse when I talk to them (pointing out the little flaws or my mannerisms or the way I act), they never have anything good to say so I stay inside and I don't go outside. I'm constantly paranoid. I believe that most people are hostile and when they are hostile i'm incredibly vulnerable so I make sure I'm alone most times. I just wish I could be in a happy place, back to my childhood when I didn't give a fuck about debt, jobs, tax's. Growing up into the mundanity of the real world is so horrifically life-shattering and bleak. Money dictates the real world and everything we do. So many people are driven by money and over half of the population is driven by greed, Money is our second God. A sad world. 

I have no talents and I no longer care about my passion because it is driven by the one thing i detest the most and that is money. I'm a complete fraud in my practice, I feel like a fake artist, I can't make anything good, all of my work is garbage and I hate all of it. The fact I've come to the realisation that my main passion, the thing that kept me alive has broken me, especially the people I've worked with on my projects who I thought I could trust but can't means I'm left all alone. The industry is a cruel place and means there's nothing left for me to pursue, I get shot down all the time. I'm awful at so many other aspects of life and I'm doomed to perdition.

I sort of see life as one grim apocalyptic setting, the worlds dying and we along with it too. Everything I see is morbid, it's just death, violence (I do not choose to see these bad things, I always try to watch a comedy film or something life changing but even they aren't funny anymore), or if there is something 'funny' I rarely see the funny side. I always have to put on a fake smile so people think I'm enjoying this insufferable existence. I've tried things to change it. listening to new music, nope. tried reading books, nope. tried working at my passion, nope. tried meeting new people, nope. I don't have any friends, so that's out of the equation. tried meditation, nope. heating healthily, nope. talking about metal health, nope. etc.
I've been trying these things for a while but nothing works, I'm stuck on earth and the earth is bleeding to death.

Even not having a partner (not like i'm ever going to get one lol), at times, can be frustrating but I imagine having a partner would be worse. They would have to bare the suffering just as much as myself and there would be no intimate connection. I reckon sex would feel like nothing even if it was with someone I loved, because I too feel empty, even when I do have a strong libido, I just feel so empty afterwards, it's pathetic.

I can't even say 'I love you' to my family because it means nothing, even it has a lot of meaning, It just feels like nothing.

In terms of suicide, I think a lot about it, nearly everyday but the last time I attempted was over a year ago. Life is pointless but I also believe suicide is just as pointless. Don't get me wrong, I know life isn't easy, none of us do, I like a challenge but there's so much that one can bare. If you ever met me in person, you'd say I was probably the most pessimistic person you'd ever had the displeasure of meeting.

I could go on blabbering about my pathetic existence but since I have no one to talk to, this is the last place I've chosen to share with (and my shit grammar and punctuation).
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suicidewatch,foulball3,2018/04/16,Sometimes I wish I could hear voices I'm tired of being alone. No one knows what it really feels like to be you. Every individual has their own depression. The voices would always be there. Maybe even seeing someone who isn't really there. People have come and gone through life. No one had stayed. I wish I had a constant.,1.4621863799283192,4.182362709677419,2.7031182795698925,87.95245519713266,91.258064516129,5.336200716845879,16.566308243727597,6.937597516519254,0.2487577060931901,256,6,48,4,9,82,50,62,0.191,0.6890000000000001,0.12,-0.5888,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,8,19,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,5,6,1,3,11,1,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786098080095128,0.0,0.0,0.16699551219475084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288220872307772,0.0,0.2168815485833226,0.0,0.16023977331539085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285954622942906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255810315409436,0.0,0.1690954032826096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147814828655702,0.14337757396782974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261994695263544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029751255142764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175782803406387,0.09805014105310124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016265453801228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271994198174344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913763867317494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571425520342729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599290752238813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700494389244737,0.0,0.1984939069825015,0.0,0.0,0.21391569724816184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306710295249043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615819934203296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256898986079505,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tessssssa3,2018/04/16,"I’m drowning Whoever the person in charge of humans on this planet fucking sucks.
I literally feel like I have so many problems and I’m an inconvenience to EVERYONE in my life. 
Mental problem after physical problem after mental issue after fucking  pain and pain and so much pain I’m just used to being in pain and that’s so fucked. 
I don’t want to be alive anymore ;(",3.0107738095238084,5.413711069444448,4.9742063492063515,77.72000000000003,77.19444444444444,6.8920634920634924,26.952380952380967,7.957251820313856,2.0793547619047623,295,12,50,5,7,101,48,72,0.365,0.563,0.07200000000000001,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,4,0,2,0,4,8,0,1,0,11,14,7,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,0,0,0,1,4,1,11,12,1,7,0,0,0,3,2,4,4,0,4,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618346164414905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084920309021165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453102581946358,0.10530422408923648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088131204896301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384969248629618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411459530659868,0.0720133124009596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944278445531833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970936740847002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083576420968986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273857087983472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870599241990094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231322478668261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730825004856045,0.0,0.0,0.08694168859802452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sourice229,2018/04/16,"This atrocious city will be my burial ground I live in one of the worst cities in the east coast for the opiate epidemic. I can't go anywhere without meeting creeps, junkies, tweakers, and other people who want to drag me down their fucked up path. I walked out of my job because the kitchen is plagued with drugs and ignorance and I want no part of it. I was a heroin addict for half of 2017 and I thought I had a good chance to fix things, but I really fucked up good. Here's the situation:

Two days ago I met a friendly deadhead at a gas station who needed a ride and a place to stay. I accepted as I am an altruistic being and I was having a good conversation about this guy. I bring him back home and he plays some tunes on my guitar and we start jamming. The next day I go out for a drink with one of my roommates and she tells me a story about how our other roommate went out to dinner with friends and encountered a man matching the description of the one I picked up. He told my roommate he would cover the meal, but turned and said my roommate was  paying for him as it came time for the check. It turns out, it's the same dude. I need to tell him he can't live with me but he's piss drunk all the time and I know he will freak at me if I tell him what the deal is. 

I don't know how to get this man out of my apartment. He's currently passed out on my floor as I'm typing this on my phone at a coffee shop. I'm at my breaking point and the only thing keeping me from blowing my brains out is the fact that my roommate needs me to find another job and pay rent. I'm a scum magnet piece of shit and I only bring misery and pain into people's lives. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to have friends. I don't deserve to live in this fucked up world.

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suicidewatch,Sarahgoldbergg,2018/04/16,"My Plan    I’m going to kill myself May 19th, 2018. I chose this date because every band function of the year will be over with, and I won’t need to perform in any concerts that I’m needed in. I will either end my life by hanging, stabbing, or overdosing. Am I sure? Yes, but not quite. If I cry more than 7 times in this period of time, then I will choose to end everything. If I don’t, then I will wait and see how my life goes from there. Why am I killing myself? Because I seriously think that everyone would be better off without me. I extremely despise thinking about living this life another day because of how much everyone hates me for rumors that aren’t even true. It just feels like no one fucking understands me anymore, so it’s so hard to ask for help. I’m posting this to reddit because none of you know me and I don’t want to worry those who really care about me. I’m sorry that some of this didn’t make sense and there’s a bunch of unfilled gaps, but thank you for letting me let this all out.",3.34698717948718,4.341087288461537,4.454538461538462,87.82379487179487,72.75,7.46974358974359,26.36666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.3381701282051286,788,26,169,10,15,258,130,208,0.115,0.732,0.153,0.8139,1,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,2,0,4,10,12,5,0,2,1,17,4,0,3,3,34,38,15,2,6,9,0,2,1,0,7,3,1,0,0,14,6,0,1,6,2,0,2,9,6,0,1,1,4,25,6,28,26,7,19,0,0,1,1,7,6,1,5,11,115,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893473658078645,0.1371340046207242,0.0,0.0,0.1296984024467821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226144245966135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188885656973541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566408972111225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133338704050891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365544989000886,0.0843421404296859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316641392097888,0.0,0.0,0.08637881278298376,0.0,0.11018760705735496,0.2499313728275497,0.11753643558496525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612618741397272,0.09342910259245846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090380136128775,0.0,0.0,0.07432516409145899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171529971564996,0.12911795958036226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765893134334132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893769049139275,0.0,0.07187314815476291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674623759669674,0.2771208835277891,0.06389239568044756,0.0,0.11548094375065195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729652019410397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613818769101798,0.19394310291325706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861976508085602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525088055419756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910039645725467,0.0,0.0,0.0837808773368113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042145543623274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639725916490864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325839708452956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040445270630087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759680765878304,0.0,0.0,0.15251748550219946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614636555107967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713730397655225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800841201455955,0.0,0.0,0.12606704323130274,0.0,0.0,0.13281321710788002,0.0,0.0929022050770372,0.0,0.0,0.08421789200526295
suicidewatch,Ultrashnotebel,2018/04/16,"current state of mind sometimes i wish i was religious or some shit. believing in fairy tales about after life. believing there's meaning in what i do.

but it's too late. i'm stuck with this fucking existential dread.

hell, i'm not even sure it's related. i might just be weak minded in nature. my life isn't even that bad, but whenever anything goes slightly south, these thoughts come back. i'm not able to reassure myself with anything, because there's nothing to reassure myself with. life is going to suck, and then i'll die. why not now?",2.3232857142857126,5.009179542857143,3.2186904761904778,87.57089285714287,82.14285714285714,6.547619047619048,25.892857142857146,7.793537801064563,1.7319999999999998,432,18,82,8,12,137,74,105,0.3,0.654,0.046,-0.9861,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,1,20,17,5,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,3,0,7,3,12,12,1,13,1,0,0,1,2,4,4,3,6,48,13,0,0.17162903866484489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824721501586696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197213670495364,0.14330307833541114,0.10462346896694627,0.0,0.0,0.3867343075026939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784321973610154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812384540344953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671872273223115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866828065216487,0.0,0.0,0.09754073786597947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360503124867348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636799970479837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695433788280255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207128771132045,0.3465928062245945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646826914596888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617474181390527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974550778268674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175833779537513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625428555023258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486851220575226,0.0,0.19736492431323294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheNamesDimeyi,2018/04/16,"I Think im going to overdose? Im just feeling so empty inside, and i just want to get f..ed up. Im tired of walking this earth, im worth NOTHING! .... Im a self harmer and depressed for over 5 years (im 19 now) Talking doesnt help going outside doesnt help and i refuse anti depressants because i deserve to suffer... 

Sorry back to my real question, Just so i can forget about my life for a bit... Running away from my problems like the coward i am. What would happen if i took about 50 mg of benzos (diazepam) im not asking if i should do it, no matter what u guys say my mind is made up. Just wondering will i die, just fall asleep, trip balls, or something else? Thanks for ur time!",0.11104166666666516,2.1853480208333345,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,86.15277777777777,4.155555555555557,20.11111111111111,5.148860815047168,-0.24908888888888914,521,16,114,2,16,176,98,144,0.229,0.6829999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9687,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,9,3,1,1,0,26,21,8,1,6,9,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,4,1,1,7,4,4,0,0,2,2,13,2,16,16,1,15,0,3,0,0,10,4,0,5,5,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990653397864594,0.0,0.09955998649327967,0.08148249271153211,0.0,0.06459682521177529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568910184978948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825393636312533,0.0,0.10997757024488533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852227725548234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358036919210784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055363662901007166,0.0,0.12044758326541227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492451891769188,0.09370674041174668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205560876988982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8012418463828515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484800314337876,0.05177038451793824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026904292139516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699700145873646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016787068968923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139661887345357,0.0,0.0,0.11870788996380385,0.0,0.0,0.12061425301316027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426963631497053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054724869168046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157898482960713,0.0,0.11862197869752016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517268990370948,0.0,0.09756066818112216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789971704824761,0.0,0.0,0.06179052128244306,0.12179409195531465,0.0,0.0,0.11773382939898458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250239711648925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491727042262673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527629584367589,0.0,0.0,0.06823961765667381
suicidewatch,takenforaride7,2018/04/16,"I had an affair I'm a horrible person. But I love her still and her husband doesn't even know how incredible she is. She went back to him. I've quit eating and have no plans to start again. I'm just waiting to get everything straightened up in my life, and then I'll die. ",0.7004022988505731,2.731688810344828,2.624827586206898,93.46126436781613,83.3103448275862,5.935632183908046,20.011494252873558,7.1686216300943375,0.3212666666666668,213,6,49,3,6,71,46,58,0.161,0.769,0.07,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,8,12,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,5,10,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,5,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246387852381792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33255164933080084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32787584180655777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116383828566164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28797827097287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674093851112395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760977762510363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632639400037266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891970188104182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797836659197894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408125443317848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267992061725177,0.0,0.2558926560406585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970381569354843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fall0utBen,2018/04/16,I just don’t know what to do anymore... I don’t really know what to expect by posting here but I don’t have anyone else to talk too. I’ve been off work for 6 months due to my anxiety and depression and I’m due to return tomorrow... I just want the floor to open up and swallow me. I can’t face going. I can’t face even leaving my home. But I’ve run out of sick pay and have debt building up. I’m trapped. And I just need a way out,-1.1152504638218943,0.6776730408163267,1.73148423005566,98.51676252319113,89.0,5.196289424860853,18.092764378478662,6.574015621080383,-0.2407061224489797,330,9,85,4,11,115,58,98,0.22,0.765,0.015,-0.9664,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,9,4,2,0,0,18,16,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,1,0,2,0,2,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,10,0,14,15,0,16,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,50,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968336269544585,0.0,0.2718304525832978,0.19165491132057094,0.2808446444712073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360792408037177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289727716034657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810384039390224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557755732696802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274941518781625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012729536049941,0.0,0.0,0.2902290190833401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187815142991815,0.0,0.0,0.20323936319089095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625090433282267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559347975497147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203086892567156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166944122234134,0.21756534490591226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954579286265967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ghazal1808,2018/04/16,Help me I don’t know what to do My mom has depression and she is acting different lately with me and my friends just don’t listen to me I don’t have anyone to talk to about how I feel I’m 15 years old and don’t have a phone my dad won’t let talk to my crush/ex I wanna suicide and if it weren’t for god I would be dead right now,-2.1575949367088607,-0.4179064430379711,0.7846708860759506,103.50763924050636,94.44303797468358,4.1726582278481015,12.963291139240509,5.6839178017228535,-1.3463984810126584,257,4,71,2,10,89,51,79,0.157,0.743,0.099,-0.765,2,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,14,0,0,1,0,12,18,6,2,3,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,2,13,1,9,13,0,6,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590610428890034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22899789866532705,0.0,0.0,0.27778296926324153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344344771519118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054145006987108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782105254165513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611804296168718,0.0,0.29991877814485435,0.0,0.0,0.2718753800656111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113897916208151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27899127117883715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705594676101998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908242881991429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274007890379993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888700960121005,0.0,0.0,0.1712148956613119
suicidewatch,newuser2397,2018/04/16,"What happens if I get caught with buying Nembutal from China ? Ok,  long story short I've been experiencing a spiritual awakening which was misunderstood by the psychiatrist as psychosis. He prescribed me anti psychotics which made me really weak, and killed my taughts , emotions, feelings , empathy , and libido . ( I was against treatment from the very beginning but my parents forced me. I was actually handling life really well with law of attraction videos, positive talks and affirmations from YouTube mixed with kickboxing classes, going out and swimming at night - that was very therapeutic for some reason - Life was worth living for a while)

So it really feels like it's time to move on and am ready to buy some Nembutal but with that being said I'm afraid that it might get stopped by customs. Would I face jail time if that happened ? (I live in a European country)",6.727295805739516,9.144415807947027,6.509552980132451,70.8046385209713,66.41721854304636,10.066445916114793,35.09988962472407,10.317481424215053,4.223635320088301,701,34,109,19,12,220,107,151,0.08800000000000001,0.772,0.14,0.8895,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,5,1,10,4,1,2,0,24,23,12,1,3,4,1,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,10,10,0,1,3,2,3,4,0,3,1,0,10,4,10,4,20,10,2,16,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,5,8,69,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.16907072094910672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488721064441694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520465841504354,0.12377255249315088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810359240414742,0.0,0.0984641296855904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064155341327047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167966490055816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447485715666808,0.08464305745038486,0.0,0.3059725669138542,0.153324164929644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393693884097027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837949074146044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414137539952768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625869589106396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923778465995084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33297247057994606,0.17813376632090905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480404272243326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484793828431586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925484525280105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205137325131645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28590506650029657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577597711620428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307453176324555,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,INeedHelpToChange,2018/04/16,"My girlfriend just left me. Before you start, we were together just under 4 months - I suffer from depression but haven’t done anything about it except self medicate and use self help apps. She’s just gone, she doesn’t want anything to do with me, we had been arguing a lot over the last 2 weeks, and I just said (in the heat of the moment) you deserve better, there’s the door, she kept saying no, we kept arguing, she left me. I deserve it.

This was the girl I thought I could see my future with, but she’s gone, and I’m trying to consider how I’m going to live without her, we ended badly. 

Please help - I realise this might be better posted in another sub, but the suicidal thoughts have set in. I opened up so much to her, it’s embarrassing cause we work in the same place. 

Ugh - I deserve loneliness.",3.562494824016561,4.819441434782608,4.5940527950310575,86.02205227743272,72.54037267080746,7.8511387163561075,25.83902691511387,8.344100000000001,1.5612480331262941,625,20,129,10,12,204,100,161,0.201,0.693,0.106,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,5,2,0,3,8,9,2,1,8,0,12,1,0,3,0,32,26,8,1,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,5,11,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,12,3,27,2,18,11,3,23,0,2,1,0,24,11,0,2,7,87,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072023363276305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25226144108391313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797665551221848,0.0,0.0,0.13042413860448016,0.0,0.0,0.2711152434337749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745371838259006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237611679650785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320139162773775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685162015724938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575449313650173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710864800171876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547148702417511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493805236535087,0.0,0.0,0.3330633932988785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534297573434878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030732810623932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440654630813666,0.0,0.16259856199013606,0.0,0.0,0.12234114449623895,0.0,0.11267338126283938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013779105105538,0.16824786203824038,0.0,0.0,0.1467932832637322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457978391989946,0.1218889393707172,0.0,0.0,0.12213883472135048,0.0,0.3197945899046461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848750537713316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765591936657662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24336347783279505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040623894292338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237876644453953,0.0,0.0,0.09040445913616513,0.0,0.12294645400701246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774982104230494,0.0,0.11158465904410528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qalbert,2018/04/16,"I dont care I have never cared less in my life. Infinity is the number of fucks that i dont give.  If i had a gun i would end my life withiut hesitation, probably after drinking something and gaming. 

Maybe i got used to life. The same shit over and over again i can fucking predict it. I dont complain about anything tho. I am the only one who understands anyway. 

Fuck. Everything. :)
",0.8381578947368418,3.361338078947369,3.2108421052631577,85.57889473684213,89.26315789473685,6.197894736842105,23.389473684210525,7.554174236665415,1.47572,298,12,58,6,10,102,57,76,0.246,0.674,0.08,-0.9224,0,0,2,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,4,0,9,8,1,1,1,8,18,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,11,2,7,15,2,7,0,0,0,3,4,3,4,1,4,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808713304160996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173922004371963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472638248415649,0.15247827350040258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786017988842994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398886699379452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316892513890949,0.0,0.14931418205633668,0.0,0.0,0.12448795666706385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298217409418313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637188939195498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004729284960265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054728349186035,0.1183792503903269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678176091655077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977304368316245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982739093798828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203770259868264,0.0,0.13443209232936745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056967856690172,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rocketgames25,2018/04/16,"I feel like I need to die for what I've done A while ago, risked more than the best friendship I've ever had with someone, my life. They were very upset at first, and their parents even got in touch, but after speaking to guidance at school who told me to ""let it simmer"" and it would all work out, nothing has. I have apologised with the most sincerity I can give, and the friendship which has only lasted 8 months, has died. I  cannot cope with how I hurt someone so much, nobody has ever cared about me, normally people tell me to just kill myself, not the other way around. 

I want more than anything to fix what I've broken, but after this person has been ignoring me for ages and been on the verge of flirting with people they had previously told me they hated, I can't help but feel like I'm dying inside. 

I want to end everything, it's unbearable to feel so shit. Especially when It's what I had done to someone else.",8.528548387096771,5.813786774193549,8.322661290322582,76.80399193548391,62.97849462365592,11.020430107526881,33.465053763440864,8.841846274778883,2.5500344086021496,724,19,149,8,8,234,114,186,0.21600000000000005,0.679,0.105,-0.9831,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,4,3,10,13,3,2,6,0,19,2,1,1,3,29,32,12,4,5,5,1,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,11,5,21,6,26,19,6,20,0,1,0,0,13,7,1,1,14,107,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119846065473647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395946084214057,0.11246117028899737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257635067065746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880264102028344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933341871940944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585604806457872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553314915433773,0.0,0.11189156656465947,0.0,0.0,0.08344028310338586,0.2285468307392019,0.0,0.0,0.11353795154388095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916299016136643,0.18050145676338225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745688967799373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118798738058535,0.0,0.0,0.10103825848177522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472548248821635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467685317931975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523970369595786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397662811728079,0.0,0.0,0.10297643989315408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291817730017723,0.08923115993545383,0.12343766745495988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008360165231014,0.0,0.09286765283679893,0.09367266631510814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377733348006545,0.12121778238714895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608024438705526,0.0,0.0,0.1402753714808268,0.0,0.0,0.17516370082227956,0.11030715684435463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278534852076825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967672149405907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211189581281757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041866252069303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241428931855577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423611689310297,0.14902632426324305,0.10027548618109597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197030622385538,0.0,0.0,0.08974175544681558,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bills8877,2018/04/16,"Loosing the will to live rant I'm a late 50's male who has suffered anxiety and depression most of my life. I have considered suicide on an off since my 20's, but always managed to pull out of it. The last year has worn me down with relationship breakdowns and crappy life events, and I have pretty well had enough. I have always thought I would hang myself deep in the woods when the time came, and I am very close to that now. I had purchased a length of rope some time ago in anticipation. There is no fear in me about hanging; in fact I look forward to the brief period of pain and discomfort before nothingness.

I know it all sounds pathetic as hell, but i can't go on with the constant anxiety and depression which follows.",6.475416666666668,6.156526819444448,6.589722222222222,79.87750000000003,65.52777777777779,10.255555555555556,32.583333333333336,9.827888789773867,2.8473083333333338,578,21,117,11,8,185,99,144,0.302,0.648,0.05,-0.9924,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,2,9,0,12,3,0,0,2,20,20,10,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,5,11,0,0,2,0,1,8,3,7,1,0,5,2,14,1,21,13,4,30,1,3,1,0,3,12,1,2,12,79,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173504915507966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036337898002297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791546340185915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525547891854327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867952682103671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716867138710692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31429586600854376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885244390240137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531222013556105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369318906883004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027231061895886,0.1487249014076776,0.2058168058717079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25774624715444905,0.0,0.0,0.1611108092468958,0.0,0.15321596367683216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941446243498716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562198486198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958880252083567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509283818188663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957578660897052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484862122338368,0.21278156131645168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054420432606655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404865303812444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961055698592727,0.0,0.0,0.11749482029981236
suicidewatch,iamapengiun,2018/04/16,"When sadness comes crushing all of a sudden Sooo.. Here goes
Sometimes I get really sad, and I think of all the bad things in my life. Right now it’s just really overwhelming for me.
I feel sad because I feel quite on my own with my feelings about just ending my life. I work at a pharmacy, and I have been so close to taking strong opioids back home with me and just OD on them. Of course I know this is illegal! This is what has been keeping me from doing it.
Whenever I feel sad every minor inconvenience is a really big deal, and my boyfriend always tells me, that I’m overreacting (he even told me this, when I had a kidney stone).
He might be right though, but I still have to deal with the feeling of everything being inconvenient and overwhelming.

Right now I think I’m having trouble with my kidneys again, because there’s blood in my urine, and my concentration of leukocytes in my urine is quite high too. I wish it was just a bladder infection, but it isn’t, and I have to have more tests done tomorrow. This too is a major issue for me atm... 

It’s so weird. Sometimes I feel totally opposite of this, but right now everything has just turned into a negative.",5.035710144927538,5.737865643478262,5.73,81.29166666666669,68.65217391304348,9.437681159420292,28.81159420289855,9.558583805096642,2.4193420289855068,918,31,184,19,15,299,122,230,0.138,0.8270000000000001,0.035,-0.9666,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,4,23,10,0,2,9,0,22,9,6,0,3,37,40,15,1,1,8,0,6,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,13,14,0,1,9,0,1,1,2,9,0,0,6,6,30,1,24,31,6,26,0,6,0,0,7,14,0,1,11,136,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373797576789748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586588983906352,0.10409680000873668,0.15199908406407542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073948044681584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570649071569593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758382901322685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104233288935155,0.0,0.0,0.08234538229267539,0.0,0.10504243268368256,0.0,0.22409622012005745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782306799590579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513652972724825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172393608697966,0.12505724741048532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012628669466006,0.0,0.11081514677674774,0.0,0.0,0.06851705494322274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612054283659653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225841792356705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652102976250164,0.0,0.0,0.23960626978452304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42588045840415306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466096943804372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956406915957193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373862762282166,0.0,0.10896975225079766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282724326990618,0.159770929387133,0.12249065139902865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913045444444954,0.0,0.0,0.13560849177410875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336786964817932,0.0,0.0,0.09076347471393566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prrdr,2018/04/16,"Exact five steps away. I counted.

Playing the song ""Putting the Dog to Sleep"" by The Antlers in the background.

Some dogs really have it better than some people.

So why am I posting it here? Honestly, because I'm scared.",1.2575958188153291,3.8144011707317103,1.9479442508710816,91.52902439024393,98.26829268292684,4.294076655052264,25.369337979094077,6.18269132825596,1.1065094076655049,172,8,31,2,7,53,34,41,0.065,0.758,0.17800000000000002,0.6204,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,5,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391708402973573,0.0,0.0,0.2200618969459004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319274652408899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25027154511466626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457376567720539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36290412777025455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126547362037905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614233982313991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612601314162945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257458284427013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pokemama_smash,2018/04/16,"Crossing the Threshold I’ve been depressed for about 3 years now.  It’s fluctuated in severity, and I’ve been terrified to see a therapist after hearing horror stories about being sent to an ER for a suicide watch.  My husband is an amazingly supportive and strong person who tries his best to help, but it’s almost impossible for me to talk to him about this.  Not for lack of trying on his part; he wants me to talk to him, but I can see how scared and concerned he gets when I get honest.  So I figured I’d try to talk about it here.  Not a throwaway, because I’d like to be honest about this with myself.

The suicidal thoughts have been creeping in throughout the last year.  Occasionally, they’re aggressive; sometimes they’re much easier to beat back.  There’s no warning, no trigger, nothing in particular that sets it off.  But the last three weeks have been constant, and over the weekend, something snapped.  I was at a convention as an artist, meeting lots of new people, spending time with friends and husband.  But all I could think about was dying.  I can usually draw the line between “wanting to die” and “actually being suicidal”, but this weekend, I just wanted to actually stop breathing, and to make that happen.  I wanted to look up methods, I wanted to plan out my finances to make things easier on my husband, and I wanted to write whatever I felt I had to say to friends and family.  And I wanted it to start happening. 

I’m terrified, but for too many reasons to figure out.  Maybe I’m scared of dying, maybe I’m afraid that my husband will snap and follow me out, but honestly, I think I’m really just afraid of messing up and having to deal with that aftermath.  

I don’t even know what I’m looking for.  I think I want help.  I think, in my gut, that I don’t want to do this.  But I can’t ignore the constant stream of angry, horrible static in my head and my heart.  It’s a steady stream of noise that occasionally clears into messages: you’re not going to fix this, you’re going to fail, there’s no point, they don’t need you, etc.  My chest is constantly full of this heavy dread, and I can’t stop thinking about escape.  I just want to escape.  Whatever I can do to get out of this, I want to do it.  ",4.819213856374566,5.615779747706423,5.700053780449224,80.97408256880736,69.18348623853211,8.674343562163871,30.17209743751977,8.841846274778883,2.3391554254982605,1734,66,340,29,29,570,206,436,0.16899999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.12,-0.9853,0,0,2,0,0,2,57.0,0,1,1,5,20,20,1,5,15,0,28,5,5,5,2,73,71,26,6,14,14,4,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,23,22,0,3,11,3,2,5,11,10,1,1,10,8,42,10,72,56,8,46,1,2,5,0,28,19,0,2,22,230,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.15282707442554655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841027707424145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021104399382887,0.0,0.04773347200431692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217535543210161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538568455450357,0.0,0.06251947764483502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072812165036702,0.06744323405223583,0.0,0.2438019788051481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732980581405356,0.051719140606074084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738181666517448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518424633710775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099515610484456,0.0,0.12273203107789556,0.0,0.08900408533915284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138488170444777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036263005643147,0.0,0.08825444760516363,0.09279077330321926,0.10497121804428347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303390305394025,0.12765663719879827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825544354444927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151149876740093,0.0,0.0,0.06657137274622764,0.0,0.0,0.10453723214934636,0.07938809941173533,0.1573340505379653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057562546724240216,0.05806152160454917,0.0,0.07562661851829924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513492641761005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479574414932378,0.0,0.05428622563925697,0.06837214763066818,0.0,0.0,0.07402271476333189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016363197731268,0.08050968911235461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062270588572538074,0.1567921925659377,0.0,0.1247965100841568,0.0,0.0,0.08846138064485334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602823463186981,0.07744478866556488,0.0,0.055424067577237786,0.0,0.0,0.13093152096528676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569560330213565,0.08885860091696034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881368530368445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091713240872562,0.05202178581750078,0.2508706296476589,0.0,0.062164734060146734,0.04565976900719245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949009659476515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624093854671504,0.0,0.5080438635335077,0.0,0.06281085136558688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085058726404277
suicidewatch,Just_Beserrk,2018/04/16,"Letting it all out Hi guys this is my first Reddit post. I never use reddit, but heard it’s communities are full of good people. I made this account just so I can talk to somebody. Here it goes.

First of all I’m pretty young (11). First of all started after my best friend no longer wanted to be my friend. It was in year 4 and I was so heartbroken that I just froze in shock after he told me he didn’t want to be my friend. We spent so much time together messing around, playing, running, laughing and talking. That made a hole in my heart. More things happened after that, my mum kept and fighting with my dad (they still fight) and they would shout so much I would run into my room crying. My dads father passed away and he got so depressed it stung me when he cried. Then another person had to go away from me. My grandpa. I was at my absolute lowest at this point. I felt so lonely because I couldn’t talk to anyone, my parents think people who commit suicide are cowards. It gets harder to put on a smile at school every single day. As if it couldn’t get worse, I lost all my friends that I had left and my cousins started to hit me. Someone pull me out of this hell hole. I’ve had enough with life, I’m so young and I want to live life. I wish I could go back to when I was 6. Playing with my cousin till 3am, eating snacks. Back to when my brother and I played on our ps3. Back to when I hugged my dad every night. Back to when I was alive.

I have my Suicide notes ready to send out to all the people who made my life a misery and those who made my life worth living. I’m all ready to commit suicide. Someone make my life worth living. ",1.4178728070175453,3.2825224941520474,2.551809210526315,95.8029769736842,79.90643274853802,4.859795321637428,19.75182748538012,5.3872612403679225,-0.35451198830409325,1271,31,285,5,32,405,174,342,0.182,0.639,0.18,-0.8948,2,2,0,0,5,5,40.0,2,0,2,5,21,19,3,0,4,0,22,9,1,6,9,49,51,26,3,10,4,10,2,0,4,2,5,2,1,2,20,18,2,1,2,3,4,8,5,8,0,3,20,4,49,11,43,22,13,55,1,3,0,1,36,19,1,1,27,188,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936265887276136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059589178057222615,0.0,0.0,0.07586561519866593,0.0,0.0,0.16013767919708824,0.2621217165170905,0.0,0.051950517659079334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943519241865397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804280290213716,0.0,0.18722464933827046,0.05496111591477238,0.0,0.07340155187745884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720334386214668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805706907270487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360635888531792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182644909356791,0.0,0.0,0.2174692746431542,0.0,0.0,0.2633691089271409,0.0,0.0890499165487097,0.0,0.0968672110573414,0.07148013925768676,0.06815978900649622,0.0,0.0,0.08438314197383062,0.07536150045417102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098843651374367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925939121840124,0.08714523115888911,0.3009739639911988,0.0,0.0,0.2257576640725003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302983978558654,0.0,0.0,0.3225563279848233,0.05688632207934453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252958971779289,0.0,0.06572843165313855,0.0,0.0,0.07997503920594261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946289046011776,0.0,0.0,0.1772465361494298,0.07441253095008413,0.0,0.0,0.08056230123251218,0.0,0.08161908305262344,0.08670137424634866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567161130541466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624917636592774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441658543267086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206410881298934,0.0,0.06805836975838228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796569863988879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549455718950851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056617685437265135,0.05460679279511197,0.0,0.0,0.04969361197742145,0.0,0.0,0.08143323777848016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360441358497892,0.0,0.0,0.1507983654532483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800105164795067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684846103963774,0.12107847479241432,0.0,0.0,0.05488015007702926
suicidewatch,AllFuzzy_SpillingOut,2018/04/16,"I can't take this anymore. I'm from the UK. Can i call someone I'm incredibly lonely. I don't see a way out anymore. A lot of my online friends are either suicidal too and can't talk or dropping me because i am.

I have the means to kill myself and I'm considering it. I don't know i just don't think i can be alone right now.

I promise despite how bad I'm coming across I'm not a bad guy. I'm very respectful and if you feel uncomfortable you can hang up. If you give me any rules or guidelines I'll follow them.",-0.11236842105262924,1.7673792543859683,2.709736842105265,92.55565789473684,85.40350877192982,5.5543859649122815,21.780701754385966,6.816661863887847,0.4298912280701757,401,14,95,5,12,141,73,114,0.15,0.721,0.13,-0.4939,0,3,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,1,0,4,7,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,0,18,27,8,2,2,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,0,2,17,3,6,26,2,10,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,5,1,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168354891439772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237307499662494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152609225243372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496164007830949,0.12762489502162666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378161316431807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803464899872548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585952128365952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175226154311134,0.0,0.0,0.20083873479154613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730091096836248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316276033953115,0.0,0.11505966628895713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779917550815181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280561711604927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879367211410205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683409806346647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739141384672222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900762199293076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741387632034395,0.16827693268258284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415046686692414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274525544062547,0.0,0.1661815020656481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Koala_920,2018/04/16,"The thought of suicide is the only thing that calms me Am I the only one?

I picture different ways in which I can die and there's a euphoric feeling for a split second when I fantasize about it. 

Sadly, this is the only thing to do that makes me feel an emotion other than the ones that accompany depression. 

Even now I'm thinking, what if I get blindsided in a car wreck on my drive home from work today and I'm killed.. A smile comes to my face.

I'm fucked up eh? There's millions of people who are doing far worse in life than me and I sit here picturing my demise. ",1.6959244992295837,3.61507409322034,3.293636363636363,90.55529275808941,79.25423728813557,6.324807395993839,22.59167950693375,7.348242739294969,0.7809728813559325,445,14,96,6,11,147,82,118,0.2,0.718,0.08199999999999999,-0.9528,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,10,0,7,3,1,1,0,10,18,5,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,4,1,2,12,1,14,17,0,14,0,2,0,1,1,6,1,1,3,68,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125066279346934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122821417318304,0.0,0.20632550237414465,0.20770619307814125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362593978819756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313071089931851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010409316433852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378961358177429,0.10386604773944202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941501464833136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199453984688762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042001306150315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270214445585765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694272999944436,0.4535945463964152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782455128431495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745755658353666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641509592120511,0.12738454941173327,0.0,0.15782689764588625,0.0,0.0,0.1884414280419554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780009011967872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473051353995647,0.0,0.2025966278251563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuperSaiyanCam,2018/04/16,Don't know what to do My life wants to leave me and I can't take it. If i didn't have her I would've killed myself long ago. I feel so broken and lost with the idea of not having her in my life. I would honestly rather just end my life than live without her. I dont know what to do.,-0.4440909090909102,0.8416806515151549,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,83.3939393939394,5.006060606060606,14.030303030303033,5.46131890053228,-1.371860606060606,217,2,61,1,6,72,44,66,0.188,0.7659999999999999,0.046,-0.8502,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,0,14,15,4,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,14,1,8,12,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026565409007864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267939225218635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024881681070441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559640261139426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580825031531071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25293254091193224,0.0,0.2512855404481036,0.0,0.0,0.24207402304589465,0.0,0.0,0.4844401057595926,0.0,0.0,0.20187435855289304,0.20232021293951089,0.0,0.0,0.2495641418440953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189268951054198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484513769119674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038011346642988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248081016478587,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hyruza,2018/04/16,"I'm running away from home right now I'm 17, nearly 18 and I have been skipping school for about 6 weeks. My mom found out last Friday but she thought I only skipped school last week. This morning we went to school but when we were in front of the school I rode my bike away (we walked to school since she doesn't have a car). I'm sitting at a bus stop and typing this on my phone. I have decided to suicide today and I should have done this much sooner but I was too lazy. I need to somehow get inside my house to suicide but apparently my mom skipped work and I can't just suicide by hitting a car since people drive too slow to actually kill me. Well I can only blame this on myself, I skipped school because I'm lazy and tired with life, I have no ambition and not interested in any profession. I have no friend at school ever except last year when I had a girlfriend for a week before I broke up with her. I'm bad at socializing and my study has been getting worse because of my laziness (I was quite a good student before). I don't know since when but I have been empathetic or whatever for a long time, I just can't feel sympathy. I'm not good at anything and even often fk up things, the only good thing about me is probably that I'm not a bad person or I think so. My mom had raised me on her own for all this time but I guess I can only make her sad, especially when my sister is in the hospital with guillian barre syndrome (that's totally because of her lifestyle), my mom raised us well physically but not emotionally, she wasn't violent and didn't yell much but well it's hard to explain,and the result is that I have zero confidence in life. So basically I hope I can die today since I'm tired of living.",2.60857710189849,4.135733311797754,4.013878341728013,88.1497191011236,75.43258426966294,7.0451762882603655,24.63541263076327,7.753152298057669,1.1219623401782264,1353,44,293,19,29,447,171,356,0.212,0.685,0.104,-0.9933,1,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,4,0,0,2,20,15,2,0,12,0,31,4,0,2,3,51,52,25,5,3,17,5,2,0,2,1,4,1,1,1,11,16,0,1,6,1,0,8,12,6,3,1,14,3,49,9,40,36,5,47,0,2,0,0,21,18,0,6,20,192,60,10,0.0,0.0,0.0712004742095337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049616722673228204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060041582687808875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710056924914474,0.0,0.12184059380664668,0.133431037209206,0.0,0.12417072809636813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572312942323142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466554920896981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207252998839883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819077183416227,0.06599838689381712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03689182459518097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799991649135997,0.05637032917173621,0.0,0.07623936047799876,0.0,0.0,0.18359141642440854,0.0,0.0,0.08037596713820783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653597007618205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318692449258497,0.07246781753735697,0.0,0.0841884549280431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807217415329556,0.0,0.04009805613363835,0.17842152260089625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307056277886972,0.0,0.0,0.06442686154373377,0.06456915301175975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048702761140740534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34180926847281445,0.0,0.0,0.10727106146289593,0.054100464686772105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219638267185719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058272590886861,0.06370768206257127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866547261939227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776041630087512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230922556967877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168907071358074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414199768201149,0.0,0.0,0.07437566166767623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060999573647178264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394260502714031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694554013692992,0.0467511607175588,0.0,0.057923748927724325,0.08508956198578999,0.16771837689414948,0.13831905876999998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776440979428422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557736099619098,0.0,0.19680504191732695,0.06763658771961031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531172699553317,0.0,0.07435460228127876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698519332716804
suicidewatch,KindaNotGoodEnough,2018/04/16,"The only thing holding me back from killing myself is my family If it weren't for my younger brother and most of all my younger sister, I'd probably have attempted killing myself long ago. But the thought of them living in pain afterwards stops me. 

Aside from that though, I've got nothing really going on for me. I've got many friends but they're all temporary - maybe they'll mourn, but in 10 years they'll barely remember what I looked like. 

My best friends, the ones who I grew up with, they don't really keep in touch anymore. They're busy with their lives and I sort of got left behind in their past. I'm lucky if they send me a quick message once a month. 

I've got no significant other who will miss me, I've done nothing important that has ever left an impact. 

I will die and the world will blink and carry on. ",3.4421538461538463,4.9954909030303085,3.9490909090909128,89.35594405594408,73.3030303030303,7.5011655011655005,24.813519813519807,8.139509932561175,1.2769114219114217,649,20,137,10,13,204,103,165,0.138,0.743,0.119,-0.0869,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,7,2,4,10,2,0,7,0,11,1,0,0,3,22,21,10,4,2,5,2,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,7,2,22,5,17,9,4,23,0,2,1,0,15,10,0,5,11,82,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141567848082355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583747732805193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532150811658786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437416093468273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215327945594347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016790858062295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389724523033185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912316615802594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164543031458305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784323169531678,0.0,0.4381898221304865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217452672716163,0.3030741167119343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976367041453961,0.0,0.0,0.06691664419875089,0.0,0.2418941140772767,0.1212141775204853,0.1150203390118519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388661249157302,0.13760481783415274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932818124674658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26285289998767003,0.0,0.0,0.1458686251688842,0.09281444569008827,0.10417188951700773,0.14574578245091496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307534041616435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767687228425075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549303323814014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551603575714092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451308874063032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099681011641082,0.0,0.1345723714366657,0.10873891413595674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820421670633356
suicidewatch,redwolftrash,2018/04/16,should I? considering starting to self harm bc it’s either that or fucking suicide bc I can’t anymore i’m tired of my life being fucking ruined by some asshole every time it get better and I start actually feeling fucking happy nothing fucking matters to me anymore I just want to end it all for me and hope the others can go on;;;;;,0.2313636363636391,2.4281831969696985,2.8246969696969693,84.60704545454546,103.3939393939394,3.412121212121213,26.71212121212121,5.46131890053228,1.1526303030303031,265,14,45,2,12,91,51,66,0.202,0.637,0.16,-0.6467,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,9,4,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,1,12,16,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,7,3,7,14,3,6,0,1,0,4,1,1,4,3,4,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.17379985975481696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35325458658748626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751493243802542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774369263584215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005688907418013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005268591151076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6586021348144511,0.09304987295364743,0.0,0.10121830577268937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959070829172744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689343595753548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257972615680907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089170519233954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185797089772198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521201222538152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948124382634508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038515129562784,0.2046996927065805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504796478850648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oldselfmiss,2018/04/16,"I just feel like dead all the time no matter what I do Today is insanely unbearable.no matter what I do or wherever I go I just feel like dead all the time.... Today I took a walk in the park, flowers were blooming and everything was nice but inside I felt crushing pain, the worst pain I have ever felt, and I have felt like this since years... Even when I was on a trip to holiday with family, seeing the sunrise and sunset which I once loved felt dead to me... Nothing ever gives me joy... Ever y moment of living is painful.. I wish I had my method right now so I could. Ctb...",1.6815151515151499,3.6302563589743606,3.2829681429681443,90.46986013986016,79.42735042735043,6.305827505827506,20.03807303807304,7.348242739294969,0.4879299145299147,442,11,94,6,11,146,74,117,0.224,0.607,0.17,-0.9091,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,7,0,11,4,0,0,5,23,23,7,3,2,4,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,9,7,17,6,6,13,3,18,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,14,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750885225717573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893653075404209,0.3654019644610557,0.0,0.0,0.12101674567333252,0.0,0.1269381426623874,0.0,0.1361684309175612,0.1923911660354198,0.5171490444908405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291706926897584,0.07652596775816595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973528402500672,0.0,0.1189003897424358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152889854027707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920245030633165,0.0,0.0,0.14340023485013664,0.0,0.0,0.42983841263356987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499227228001953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730039717436092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113857195885454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157033601213927,0.0,0.25526914709939724,0.0,0.14960358669511514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484342404031765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671162407828521
suicidewatch,imsorrE,2018/04/16,this feeling wont go away the pain won't go away. I've been spending the entire day thinking of all my wrongdoings. i deserve everything that's happened to me. ,1.5571875000000013,4.203935343750004,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,86.1875,5.7,29.875,7.1686216300943375,2.0566625000000003,129,7,24,2,4,42,27,32,0.111,0.8390000000000001,0.05,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6397542169985065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195710956579087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059870642319213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214881372699686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869870418600729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010711654909972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36227767004215067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815556552709026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Theteddybear93,2018/04/16,"I have nothing and no one, I think it's time to end it I'm currently 24, homeless, job less, suffering from chronic Anxiety, PTSD, and severe muscle tension. 

I was raised in foster care since the age of 1, until I was 19. I was placed in over 25 homes, institutions, and group homes.
Most were abusive; physically, psychologically, sexually, verbally. Every time I tried to escape, I was placed back in that home, or in another, which usually was worse.
I was adopted once at 9, by a gay man who was my mentor while I was younger. He too was abusive, physically. I had to run to a neighbors house half naked after being beaten bloody, and have the police called. That night I got placed in another home, which too was abusive. They made me wear pull ups, and sit outside the apartment complex, while I yelled and banged  on the door. No help.

My point is, every shred of fuckin hope I get is always, always destroyed. Some things are my fault, usually they aren't.
I've grown so accustomed to being used by people. I've seen and felt so much pain, all I ever try to do is make people smile and  laugh, but in the process, I get walked over every single time.
Now I've grown into a barely functioning individual, I can't work, I can't sleep, and when I do sleep, I can't wake up for work. I've lost 6 jobs in a year because I can't wake up to 10 fucking alarms.
I can't go to college because I have massive panic attacks while I'm trying to solve problems and listen  to people. Medication and counseling does nothing when the muscle tension surrounding your skull is gripping and squeezing so fucking hard it's physically debilitating.
I can't make friends because I never was allowed to go out and develop real social skills. I can't talk to people face to face because my PTSD kicks in, makes me panic, and the tension too kicks in.

I can't eat, talk, breathe, sleep, think, or do anything basic of an autonomic function without being in fucking pain.

I have ZERO friends, I have no family, I have a fuckin dollar in the bank, I sleep wherever the fuck my exhausted body makes me because I have no home.
Shelters are infested with bed bugs and lice. Fuck, the night before I've written this post, I was literally bitten over a hundred times by bed bugs in one night sleeping in a shelter. It's so fucking embarrassing to have bites all over my body that everyone can see as I ride the bus, or walk around.

So tell me, why shouldn't I kill myself? ",6.006850853548968,6.0804343144654105,6.6883101227912585,77.45318396226419,66.44234800838575,9.330008984725966,32.54934112009583,9.04235418022936,2.679702665468703,1916,74,368,30,28,632,238,477,0.181,0.769,0.051,-0.9962,4,0,0,0,0,1,73.0,0,1,2,5,14,31,12,7,19,0,45,29,14,7,4,45,74,31,1,3,5,0,4,0,3,1,5,2,9,1,12,19,1,0,4,0,2,9,16,26,0,4,20,8,48,5,52,50,7,66,0,2,2,9,17,31,8,6,24,227,60,7,0.0,0.2289863318858112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720746435051234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510282584231034,0.04928216404129245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053013290192453134,0.05734866848690697,0.0,0.07328859712533681,0.0,0.0495360493169176,0.0,0.1963533154744745,0.0,0.05481783246960893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311521632171656,0.0,0.0,0.06578141126021264,0.0,0.0656818699390059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637556622991938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591913405044061,0.0,0.0,0.057058203652937886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827280827735633,0.16283332271331874,0.061557370159645776,0.0,0.0,0.0607307248171955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185460818105005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954356580384187,0.35733905527292137,0.06731500337228515,0.0,0.07322428691353193,0.0,0.051523646564192296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770888488057506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043180279637996984,0.0,0.3230993831885075,0.06398494624462486,0.0,0.07433360001785598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785651876513332,0.0,0.07127268997850163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032352439616793,0.0,0.0,0.060957048438595375,0.1720070320566049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489774269009126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473571119881526,0.0,0.049685724252934674,0.0,0.0,0.1813652469029069,0.0,0.12362806467289188,0.0,0.0,0.06860664587292192,0.08730716149520201,0.0,0.13709773808459522,0.15116917111408662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786466383656236,0.0,0.20191982931574715,0.0,0.06089900798704551,0.0,0.061697855134146974,0.0,0.0,0.0616425411881542,0.1506102447563002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332561126640012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051335483227475616,0.0,0.0,0.07277779994505985,0.0,0.053290014671859766,0.0,0.3223394214845483,0.06566946370727196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355889779811696,0.056307108092457835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042798689025786686,0.08255721248524628,0.0,0.0,0.15025845222488862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312136240535536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055639371048458536,0.1419020532321341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813025726341705,0.0,0.0,0.06209989212099391,0.0,0.09379903461287772,0.0,0.06565086947120444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04148524367775242
suicidewatch,markw19921,2018/04/16,"Struggling to hold it together I'm 24 (m) and I literally feel like a complete failure at life. I have got a degree but am currently unemployed and living off my parents. I have been suffering from depression on and off for 6 years now. I feel like a complete joke. I have never had a girlfriend and I am struggling to see the point of anything. I also feel like a very weak person. Just sick of everything.

A lot of my friends seem to be making progress in life, but I am still stuck doing nothing. I have made numerous changes in my life multiple times, but I always end up miserable no matter what. I got a job, but I was even more depressed that I was when unemployed. Moved to a different country, still miserable. I have zero motivation and absolutely hate working with/for other people.

I generally have a pessimistic view of humanity and despise about 50% of people. I can't help this. Every time I try to be more optimistic, millions of things prove otherwise. Why kid myself. 

I abuse alcohol/drugs to the point of blacking out 1-2 times a week. I don't really care about stopping this as I don't really see the point. All that happens is I end up getting bored/depressed when sober. At least when I am hammered, I can forget about how much of a failure I am for a few hours.

I am also pretty sure I am suffering with a serious mental illness. A lot of people have said to me that they think I am mentally unwell and need help. My behavior is completely erratic most of the time (especially when drunk).

I have found myself idealizing suicide recently more often. I just think about how easy it would be to make all my problems disappear. I am pretty sure I am doomed to be miserable anyways so what is the point in going on.

The only reason I have not followed through is because of my family. They are very good people and they care about me a lot.

I need help. ",3.095152345371524,5.236895813698634,4.758704856787048,80.64519717725199,75.7945205479452,8.150269821502699,28.320880033208798,8.927757054556999,2.551757990867579,1472,63,275,34,33,496,185,365,0.276,0.603,0.121,-0.9971,9,0,2,0,1,1,44.0,0,0,3,4,22,26,2,5,21,0,38,7,0,7,6,52,64,22,1,5,7,1,3,3,2,1,6,1,0,3,11,10,1,2,10,2,0,4,6,15,0,2,10,8,46,11,43,49,12,40,1,8,4,0,13,16,0,6,23,205,57,5,0.0,0.09771877419799066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814013858470128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319096260458227,0.06862537546409768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786947095679309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027567839493198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681764609602678,0.0,0.08724706565414593,0.0,0.2594187739908725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310545008025056,0.0,0.0,0.0861682793226356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095644214573702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460958216934491,0.0,0.0,0.054473617166128,0.0,0.0694883077216422,0.0,0.07412274594711668,0.0,0.07774960107555083,0.0,0.12510472771468745,0.17675935809339133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042901197162624,0.06371957978587448,0.0,0.04308951255191209,0.0,0.04687214843644353,0.06917568206976936,0.1319247540147708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293191157511496,0.0,0.0,0.0814264756928659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584271929689265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122075101470384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184319682352223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747624959370329,0.12087859707684373,0.0,0.07282647812792592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035056445479966,0.0,0.07803934850291618,0.11010471359304363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662297582045634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765732159089645,0.06062823350539887,0.12230756593807855,0.06360940448913754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913648930580654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627255595895274,0.0,0.0,0.09157815145970996,0.0,0.0,0.22870968374285985,0.0720135360180673,0.0,0.0,0.3118601723356297,0.0,0.0,0.1678123955034835,0.0,0.07891694033108566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056705294006274,0.08479750304194576,0.08143360064192147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845211833058366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144296742616007,0.07508167039237097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317284548543007,0.06895235945978041,0.0,0.17244047029449858,0.0,0.0902136965625219,0.0,0.15546244545319668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479238076488902,0.10569263508641584,0.0,0.0,0.19236613351611068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599475914127144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610016925477691,0.0,0.0,0.06615605423972783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442039142878995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060042404766080686,0.0,0.0,0.05858750531765328,0.0,0.0,0.053110862025377965
suicidewatch,harryronredvines,2018/04/16,Tired of myself I feel like im almost ready for my life to end. Tired of disappointing the people I love and myself. ,0.625,3.0402148333333368,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,88.16666666666666,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.7794833333333333,92,1,19,1,3,31,19,24,0.273,0.456,0.271,-0.024,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014160299290641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666037427164156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219868829303335,0.21504017423455327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251402915542875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126108511669801,0.14705730353975915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716714707350259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868104568136425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6919288282981962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spicyramenchips,2018/04/16,"what would happen if i took a bunch of sleeping pills and painkillers, have some alcohol, and put a bag over my head? will i actually die or just end up waking up in the hospital way more fucked up than i already am?",3.99401515151515,4.765854613636363,4.879999999999999,86.19833333333334,71.04545454545455,8.593939393939394,28.303030303030305,8.841846274778883,1.9154484848484843,169,6,37,3,3,55,38,44,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.8736,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,4,6,3,0,0,7,7,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,7,4,3,9,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,1,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.27887537600488377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054067838011405,0.0,0.0,0.3153600443957191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965895441654593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531120085958531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641945716226459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527100695356879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932878059462801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872830121447974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859815879162483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31750676721213283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268350555763814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030065059723249,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KurisutinaQWE,2018/04/16,"Carbon monoxide poisoning Umm so can someone tell me how carbon monoxide poisoning is done? I googled it but search results are all like professional articles so i cant figure it out. I think i can do this by burning charcoal in a room and just sit until die? Am i right?

I have a two choice

1. Suicide
2. Leaving my home

Because my life is just fucked up by me. My university life, my musician career etc. So dont say things like ""dont do it bla2"". Iam fucking ready!",1.1315570599613167,3.5681910531914944,3.183152804642166,87.46136363636364,85.27659574468085,5.9713733075435185,26.63056092843327,7.348242739294969,1.5950765957446804,365,17,73,6,11,123,66,94,0.215,0.691,0.094,-0.9446,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,2,0,13,6,0,2,1,10,16,7,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,1,12,2,6,15,2,7,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,3,49,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554441077476658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374222664301695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107570152344071,0.4827406651590363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296872310693971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807924933059645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658332957644832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806992762545985,0.0,0.0,0.2909353028263203,0.2012322555661101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587905723266675,0.0,0.1637786656338384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449965795557104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527444164526866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000823390266793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682315938213313,0.1319636056516553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011819460529761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,farfaraway,2018/04/16,"It is time. I've been thinking about it for a long time. I've decided it is time. I'll eat something sweet. I'll say goodbye. 

We, as humans, have done nothing but ruin this planet. We don't take advantage of the potential we have. Instead we simply waste it. We could orbit the stars and explore the universe. Instead we fight, and we destroy. We are all worthless and all deserve oblivion.",0.9884928229665064,3.5909634473684235,2.4755980861244042,89.61964114832539,92.15789473684212,4.342583732057416,26.64593301435407,6.11248444174946,1.1944105263157887,306,15,56,3,11,99,51,76,0.205,0.725,0.07,-0.9136,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,8,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,2,18,11,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,11,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,2,8,2,4,8,2,5,0,2,0,0,11,0,0,0,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640023554619285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286326891790077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32860136492066505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28419444599379257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30813777652879365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553795101792227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722547880513646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414536192705412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577039654327775,0.0,0.0,0.5617693542612031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teddybear1989,2018/04/16,"Feeling alone You know.. i don't have friend in real, sometime i feel like a loser that i have to text alot with online friends 😢  but they're make me feel better, not much but better

",0.09447368421052717,2.4329405526315817,1.3476842105263138,98.93678947368423,90.84210526315788,3.04,15.494736842105262,3.1291,-1.2479642105263158,143,3,31,0,5,45,32,38,0.134,0.557,0.309,0.804,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,8,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,5,3,8,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850580233568842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868418312194953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174976985052841,0.19662626276219305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252881309329322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126066849073194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344647720354296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371993352846905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232766910832986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132750159508401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27221213214134016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redditor_From_Italy,2018/04/16,"All my friends left me Not that I had many friends to begin with, but now I'm alone. One of them just vanished some time ago, throwing me into suicidal depression for the first time. Others left *because* of said depression. I shouldn't have told them. I shouldn't tell anyone. But now I'm afraid I won't be able to keep going without them. They loved me, and I loved them too. Now I'm alone and I just want to die. I'm feeling so bad it hurts physically. I'll try and get my mother to find me a psychologist tonight. If that doesn't work I guess I'll just kill myself in the middle of the night so nobody notices. ",0.5359635416666642,2.8273142109375016,2.0270624999999995,95.72835416666666,86.578125,4.975833333333334,19.470833333333328,6.42735559955562,-0.03283604166666665,481,14,108,5,15,155,79,128,0.339,0.614,0.047,-0.9949,0,2,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,5,2,9,10,1,1,4,0,7,2,0,0,1,22,22,8,3,4,8,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,3,2,19,4,12,15,2,17,0,3,0,2,13,5,0,3,10,66,23,1,0.15830996255147306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140332229925324,0.0,0.0,0.3279227548333409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069400670596057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218220611892662,0.0965042837914298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27270427754344645,0.0,0.1643007472086976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004627374817466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469243774525656,0.13465837327360114,0.0,0.0,0.2446197687248533,0.0,0.0827104214304004,0.0,0.08997119997252079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439627177344044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694740891558766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071316861914884,0.175146517990883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440084750417487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857618440726142,0.0,0.0,0.16050145429604354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485631756435858,0.0,0.0,0.18023694163621895,0.0,0.0,0.10727492771891167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058902700309787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316540428465213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383698850640405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846236245175179,0.0,0.0,0.15127195344233454,0.0,0.10748207283358582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337531758255513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526051545954322,0.0,0.11525153820002645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TransBoi420,2018/04/16,"I'm not worth all the effort needed to fix myself at this point. I (21 m) was diagnosed with depression when I was 11 and since then I've tried 6 different antidepressants. Right now I'm on welbutrin and lamictal and I still have no energy, ability to focus, memory issues, and a burning desire for nothing more than to catch the bus.

I live alone and sometimes occasionally call my dad or sister. I have a good handful of friends in the city I live in, everyone knows me as smiling and happy. I try confiding in family about issues and they shut me out every time, but I do have a therapist I see once a week. I grew up with a BPD alcoholic mom so we are nc. I got kicked out at 16, moved into a homeless shelter then with my abusive ex. Then I got pregnant when I was 18 and gave the baby for adoption, which I still fucking regret. I wish I had my shit together and could care for him, but I was a mentally ill kid who could barely take care of himself.

My executive functioning is garbage, I can barely take care of mundane chores and my self. My last couple jobs only lasted a couple months each last year, and I have the desire to have a long term job again and feel stable but it doesn't feel possible when I can't even take care of dishes. I have trust issues and I'm really paranoid that people all have a goal of using me or hurting me in some way. I really have no supports or help besides government paying my bills and a therapist letting me spill my guts to her, as everyone else just wants the happy and smiling fake version of me.

I just feel like a constant disappointment. Like a waste of government resources for them to pay for the living costs of someone who doesn't even want to live. I have the opportunity to get an education for free, have my living costs paid for, I should be psyched like any other person in their early 20s. It all just seems like waaay too much work. I'm just going to fail like every other attempt I've had at going back to school.  I don't have the energy to start all these things just to end up dropping it all again and hating myself even more for failing again. 

I'm very obese (310lbs) and it should be easy for me to start losing weight because I have such a high tdee. I've done a lot of reading about CICO and n how to start losing weight but I'm weak and buy fast food almost daily. I can't stop emotionally eating and feeling self-loathing afterward. 

I also have just over $1000 of financial debt that's been tagging along for almost a year and a half. I really don't feel like I'm capable of maintaining anything, let alone improving myself. Having most of everything written out helps put things into perspective for me at least, I really don't want to continue living everyday with the heavy guilt and self-hatred.

It all just makes sense to fucking end the pain. The only thing keeping me going is my pets but they'd be better off in another home anyway.",5.8163035334615785,5.8151146523235795,6.591107117545812,78.24362534170297,66.84853700516351,9.7268603827073,29.652779183962746,9.478462496947786,2.4834954540852485,2307,73,449,42,34,764,294,581,0.13699999999999998,0.688,0.175,0.974,4,2,1,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,4,10,28,35,4,1,30,0,44,16,3,3,6,85,90,41,0,12,16,4,8,6,1,2,6,0,3,3,17,34,7,2,7,1,10,7,10,16,0,1,13,9,61,20,69,67,16,68,0,8,1,2,22,24,3,9,41,297,78,13,0.0,0.07566580547058313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824885632301943,0.1278967615062257,0.1322831568025315,0.0,0.051070268666375776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342822265531397,0.06696467899102425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255283059940075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049105792129953967,0.0,0.0389295683716297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056480583793822876,0.0,0.0,0.08043171770035197,0.0,0.06521005110223471,0.0,0.2604454974837865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901193237007043,0.0,0.10197692216116463,0.14132376250280046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500408583316315,0.06481839576579057,0.0,0.0667220021380035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535280689705962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534657766827602,0.053348350070329266,0.07183594389526847,0.11312522199596753,0.0,0.0,0.12654037528407755,0.0,0.10761266333310007,0.12204539783893667,0.057394879559339675,0.0,0.06020323360256639,0.0,0.16145225705775815,0.09124578372559176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722195759492631,0.0,0.049339478194604866,0.11807843385519645,0.03336516141687613,0.0,0.10888241982224414,0.05356425871839991,0.1021522512532851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596417457645552,0.0,0.06305031884096479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561045401303742,0.06747351153664266,0.064058605266095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836539148119422,0.0,0.0,0.19996542239783147,0.12674599043561513,0.05676331353732389,0.0,0.0,0.035096782213641216,0.15616770299487648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306060608259806,0.0,0.1871979358529761,0.0,0.3383469045141969,0.05651569476137056,0.0,0.1428900667281474,0.0,0.05429302956808036,0.0,0.0,0.04262825597487293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435768689773022,0.0,0.0,0.07479418337769855,0.05097388974249906,0.06787500045928227,0.04694578048175035,0.04735272504084207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127713179563365,0.0,0.0,0.0680107464649687,0.0,0.0971395727973068,0.06795347146880554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427374008054652,0.055761671718800115,0.0,0.0,0.06037005510875385,0.07199459857871615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419876066892168,0.0,0.0,0.06387909476710542,0.0,0.16364605035673518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545376392419458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463156402729936,0.050889596627525686,0.0581373959399544,0.19986539565045844,0.0,0.06555323317529659,0.05282715152225178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054109906791428235,0.0,0.06316096585452363,0.0,0.13560515949814658,0.0,0.10200025247708193,0.0533913350882859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246962842952885,0.0,0.0,0.14404840669567634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482969737436196,0.1272808523721165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037238336638021265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671595785618688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551561020029483,0.0,0.05269268375430124,0.1130020554706878,0.05069053452046722,0.05122609418597804,0.15553296716623513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734379331050562,0.0,0.0,0.0464921603479313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822498273718596
suicidewatch,bultaoreune_,2018/04/16,"I'm still here, but I'm exhausted and it's not fair I'd been doing relatively okay recently, in the sense that the thoughts were still very much there but I was learning how to ignore it. But I got some shitty news today and basically, the one hope I had of starting to get my head life together was just snatched away from me. And I'm just so done. I'm tired. 

I've fought this battle for so long, and the only things that forced me to keep going were my family and my friends. I'm not living for myself, I'm living for the people around me. And I just don't think it's fair. Why do I have to force myself to live a life I don't want just to avoid upsetting people? You find it selfish of me to want to abandon my loved ones? Well I find it selfish when I'm being forced to keep living just because others may miss me. I hate that I have to feel guilty about wanting to end my pointless and painful existence. And I'm done with it all.",2.575896147403686,3.656489638190955,3.8744522613065335,90.9140569514238,74.72864321608041,6.9147068676716925,22.81440536013401,7.3011,0.6152469681742043,734,19,167,8,15,241,107,199,0.301,0.622,0.077,-0.9948,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,16,17,3,2,6,1,16,7,1,1,1,40,41,15,0,4,10,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,12,10,0,5,6,0,0,1,4,12,1,2,11,1,22,5,22,28,3,12,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,3,8,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030374503377095,0.0,0.0,0.12696899957890992,0.0,0.0,0.08238042774007846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765914142586802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969441951237594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739848765263007,0.0,0.0683311249128161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470320372092636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440925723455866,0.0,0.07060536204511618,0.0,0.07680349148068202,0.0,0.10808424681880573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342331940808952,0.13869319704562416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422506332069947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023826848061045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090754055567066,0.0,0.0,0.4773263423203679,0.11959513817426162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196962674410405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934385708465332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314947449109525,0.10278048142144894,0.14379907818610807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873788895202073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343499416553806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956531800933093,0.0,0.21584684290467626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978137955397174,0.0865926106356893,0.0,0.1072865049866887,0.0,0.15532418750611104,0.12809744416748947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150511058877943,0.2391282013793781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150758829172073,0.0,0.12194333073595673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,originofrevelations,2018/04/16,"My son died on Friday and my husband left me on Sunday read post history if you feel so obliged. 

if my husband doesn’t respond today or refuses to meet, i can keep persisting.

if he agrees to meet and he doesn’t change his mind, i’m going to end it. not sure how, but it’s not the first time i’ve attempted and i’ll make sure that this time will work. i want to show him and i don’t want to live in a world without him. i can join my son too. 

if he agrees to meet and he changes his mind and stays with me, my faith will be restored. i’ll be able to heal. i can’t go through losing my baby and my husband in one week. that’s too much a person to handle. so yeah. 

if any friends or family members look at this later, i’m sorry. i just couldn’t do it and i needed to be with my son. ",-0.676165413533834,1.1463518857142887,1.6901052631578963,99.35031578947368,87.28571428571428,4.8270676691729335,17.781954887218046,6.05967700443912,-0.5106571428571431,600,15,152,5,19,203,96,175,0.077,0.802,0.122,0.8335,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,5,6,5,0,0,3,1,13,1,0,2,2,35,24,19,1,9,12,6,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,2,1,2,0,2,8,1,0,2,0,2,22,4,18,18,1,19,1,1,1,0,22,7,0,7,8,90,29,2,0.16504155171678012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223391468337084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491841559751063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712870739814193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617782789320802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558648663662725,0.0,0.0834499674917773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403842595787774,0.0,0.0,0.12751069345311394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759383444939595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669651436711276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931812884534454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573471386731354,0.0,0.1385933366651379,0.18463928037710892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016651733960288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33328983835237896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213245304361612,0.12237621936408405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183642675222064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410791700968126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806418484601273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508621430458212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475050499608048,0.0,0.1759123346528857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110994186130596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247411207011114,0.0,0.1564400932253905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469156656342906,0.0,0.13238637763426592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909416633346865,0.0,0.12015221528521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rhett_zw,2018/04/16,"Failed suicide attempt. What do I do now? Left forearm stitched up. Pain and shame kicking in. What next?
",0.7973684210526278,1.7892687368421072,0.17621052631579026,100.56747368421057,124.78947368421049,1.52,30.11578947368421,3.1291,0.5919389473684205,82,5,15,0,5,23,17,19,0.51,0.49,0.0,-0.9388,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043815411864813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937082803172742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49396785645168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077865217284152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dietcokeisgod,2018/04/16,"Too confused to exist I am struggling to stay alive today.
Help?",1.5875000000000021,4.257349416666671,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,96.5,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,0.10986666666666656,51,2,8,0,2,16,11,12,0.293,0.402,0.305,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544155421940152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635859933959382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527729800384501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012010415378714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,capndicklazers,2018/04/16,"Why?! My existence is dreadful and absolutely pathetic. No matter how hard I have tried, I will never find love and no one will ever love me. I've been alone for every god Damn moment of my life. My friends and family treat me like a fucking punching bag, never wanting me to succeed just cause its me. Constantly calling me stupid and they just love to watch me fail. I would just blow it off and say, ""they just want to strengthen there giant ego,"" but i can't keep doing that anymore. My friends constantly assume I'm gay, or just accuse me of being a loser because im a virgin into my 20s. People may call me lucky to never have had to deal with a ""crazy bitch,"" but they dont understand. These people are only thinking off there perspective, and the moment they don't have anyone to get that quick short orgasm with they freak out. They say, ""I haven't gotten any pussy in 2 weeks, I WANT SOME PUSSY!"" Ill say, ""I haven't in over 20 years of existence"" they say, ""thats because you're gay and dont want pussy"" then laugh uncontrollably... It's heart wrenching and frustrating, because i know I can't prove them wrong. I'm sick and tired of everything, please someone make it all fucking stop! I haven't had a good moment in my life for as long as i remember. I think about being let go from this prison everyday, and it is the most comforting thought that with one moment it could all be over. No one in this world would even believe I'm depressed, They would just call me a fucking pussy. Fuck it all!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I still here???",3.9782356459330153,5.151899730263158,4.510275119617226,87.33783492822967,71.43421052631578,7.500956937799042,25.331339712918663,7.84624498591911,1.2373078947368423,1194,35,246,15,22,379,164,304,0.229,0.655,0.116,-0.9914,0,1,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,9,3,15,27,8,2,8,0,30,17,2,3,8,58,54,17,0,8,9,0,1,1,2,6,5,4,0,0,14,15,0,2,9,0,0,1,14,15,0,3,5,6,37,12,29,38,5,32,0,3,1,11,22,13,6,6,19,160,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960641966900051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307526103697547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198611144452257,0.0648550957557702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696242123413403,0.0,0.0,0.10450093550272647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841337322151271,0.0,0.0,0.0952829420205396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046621218912145,0.0,0.07405577055403313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562433147890437,0.0798880741577493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741178968039032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126252096560216,0.08390045244953233,0.07814845295987366,0.0,0.08336046904623076,0.0,0.08743932960119054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477461593771299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433215672330564,0.3429948352879427,0.0484596453005606,0.0,0.052713701157997575,0.07779686559430847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308852267412781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991282198983962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018922066808993,0.0,0.0,0.08244318094957284,0.0,0.0,0.05097465574986914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484628745912774,0.13102845779076502,0.04531445968990037,0.0,0.0,0.08208353880960141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511397723171888,0.0,0.061913387395721886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461063238600325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855562057350425,0.07054288129450634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860658539162986,0.0,0.0,0.10181500601158236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507113518360496,0.0,0.0,0.2950438227132854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858936624333916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407271305912064,0.07754571087412866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886483053153075,0.0,0.07363556855454696,0.0,0.10660599726596194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297323886890725,0.0,0.0,0.09655920595850824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883263035652584,0.0,0.07440090948068981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673904186046778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766733656950125,0.10141090984602157,0.0,0.05972992923176201
suicidewatch,imissmyfrjendalot,2018/04/16,"i suspected that i have borderline personality disorder but it turns out that im fine my insecurities are facts basically ive read alot about borderline personality disorder, about how people with it feel like they're useless, don't matter and i feel like this all the time so i've thought about it and i realise that it would be factually better for everyone i know if i would not exist because i only drain energy and resources but even when i try i just dissapoint and give nothing in return ",4.035200945626476,6.6372202978723385,6.057801418439716,70.23388888888888,74.74468085106382,9.709692671394802,29.59338061465721,9.994966539143718,3.595885579196219,404,18,70,13,9,140,66,94,0.154,0.693,0.153,0.2117,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,3,24,13,10,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,11,4,7,9,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,48,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234012274620877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749597139508586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600213733606784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255532741266554,0.0,0.0,0.19177002952730585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295204670692532,0.2867491433374863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925222775887684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167820510738579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102952029425256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609617580365069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256961068380848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263548706845448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913472515752573,0.3504734343565609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074654360718835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932721581023845,0.11702525524223913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625685272062082,0.21829551975561934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28513200898661123,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,latkabear__,2018/04/16,"I’m tired of being told “it’ll be okay.” It hasn’t been “okay” and I’ve dealt with this for four years, I just want someone to talk to.. i made too many mistakes and have too many regrets. ",-0.9024390243902474,1.09876412195122,0.5592195121951207,105.65834146341464,90.70731707317074,3.28,15.517073170731704,3.1291,-1.5059112195121953,143,3,37,0,5,45,32,41,0.188,0.69,0.121,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30915988776354786,0.0,0.6625060077500265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27683732402645694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26261325015132503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755281460967632,0.0,0.3122045790774477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271385778195527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104034497696705
suicidewatch,Noisysky1,2018/04/16,Depression and bery bad anxiety for years.... Debating about buying a gun As the post stated I haven't hit a breaking point yet but want a gun for comfort. Is this wierd or a bad idea???,1.3985135135135138,3.72540067567568,3.006689189189192,89.98138513513516,82.7837837837838,6.943243243243244,22.763513513513516,8.07648339933343,1.3418702702702707,143,5,30,3,4,47,31,37,0.3670000000000001,0.526,0.107,-0.8844,0,0,0,2,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710864658248409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917560405967447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052120407714225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40003231123503663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349872548943768,0.0,0.33938147446761924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901227874953976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819793552615456
suicidewatch,Helleborekitty,2018/04/16,"End Me. Now Everything I have ever tried to do has ended in miserable failure. I'm sick of getting nowhere. I'm sick of everyone around me being successful, but not me. I'm sick of being the useless one who gets yelled at for everything. I'm sick of being such a useless fucking pussy that I can't even bring myself to cut. So someone, somewhere, please just kill me. Please. I'm begging for the end. ",1.5600694444444445,4.022540312500002,3.216666666666665,87.8327777777778,83.375,6.055555555555558,26.38888888888889,7.3871296695380915,1.5969722222222225,315,14,61,5,9,104,52,80,0.338,0.5760000000000001,0.086,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,3,1,3,0,7,5,0,0,1,5,16,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,1,7,1,11,13,0,9,0,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,5,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861102005737464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555027173115804,0.0,0.0,0.13808399631975565,0.18910925611063256,0.0,0.19976844815184508,0.3757842974648698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327517390358645,0.2184533505271987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231296993937318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416663522110038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589763102727404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771382174300392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193990627809305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JuliaCecile,2018/04/16,"I feel like last living person on this planet. I can't take it. Not so long ago I tried to commit suicide. I thought I was better for some time. But then it started to getting worse like a week ago. Last two days are awful and today I feel like I just wanna take my life. You might not believe that, but there is NO ONE to give a single fuck about me. Neither my family nor my ""friends"" which I don't have to be honest, and my family is broken and fucked. Last few years of my life I've spent either singing or talking to myself cause I couldn't handle the silence anf I kid you not - I have no one to open my fucking mouth to. I don't think I can take it for much longer. Everyone hate me, ignore me, avoid me, I am constantly trying to make new friends but thye're gone before I even notice. Maybe I should have died this fucking month ago. I feel abandoned and isolated and even when I am openly crying for help, they don't care. No one cares. I never felt so lonely. I can't.",0.6841577540106947,2.8272697598039263,2.255775401069521,95.40553475935828,84.24509803921569,4.689483065953655,18.09625668449198,5.852544927426893,-0.3828352941176467,757,18,167,5,22,246,122,204,0.254,0.621,0.124,-0.9891,0,4,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,2,1,1,8,18,5,1,3,1,19,7,1,2,2,34,41,14,2,3,9,0,4,3,2,2,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,3,6,1,1,1,15,9,0,4,5,4,34,9,15,32,6,23,0,2,0,4,10,3,4,3,22,113,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853488852863042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130566333732372,0.1208920327792726,0.0,0.09489944655739704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188020369955916,0.11022818594530256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595478920124876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786564630722475,0.0692005830637897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136200404011946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174324195444585,0.0,0.0,0.10253117028739996,0.0,0.0,0.20230858698999785,0.0,0.16276456946147438,0.1533124092318896,0.1030262558004661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580172723394726,0.39679398726214576,0.056060598883293684,0.10293336490706133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593800491009396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192192572780455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623951026861479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158042880721787,0.15726626139333078,0.0,0.09474917994242774,0.0949584404835316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162457658882995,0.0,0.1077987672056209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382992227555605,0.0,0.0,0.08564702417204816,0.0,0.0788789401006582,0.0,0.0827575226332534,0.10363244594958446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216345551475902,0.0,0.0,0.2181307961830966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936915206922513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594854563164702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737041236374555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420320958932721,0.0862448717137925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875446099975623,0.0,0.0851853959449426,0.0625683606700388,0.0,0.1017092643878804,0.0,0.0,0.14570133407768912,0.0,0.104817962463584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607078151479873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934938350697508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909864038873995
suicidewatch,cantthinkofaname404,2018/04/16,"Figured I’d write my sad situation Trying to keep this short. My whole life was always a struggle but now I’m at a breaking point, I’m only 19, alcoholic, I sleep all day long, parents had ugly divorce (dad still talks to me and cares) mom is a whore she left the family for some rich man hence the divorce, ruin the family, he recently dumped her and now she moved back into the house with my brother and I. She sleeps on the couch and My brother treats me like shit, can’t even clean his own dishes, and cuts me down just like my mom does. They secretly talk about me when I can hear them and say things about trying to get rid of me, like putting me into a crazy house. (I already been into crazy houses twice and it terrifies the fuck out of me. I refuse to ever go into one again so no don’t say that to me.) no job, dui no license, no friends never had any, I gotten to the point to meet strangers online and talk with them which is fine, but, I just want a hug every once and awhile and I can’t even remember the last time I had one. I cry myself or drink myself to sleep or take benzos. (Yes I’m prescribed to them since my recent OD) I recently moved back home to live in this house. I drove myself 4 days to California alone last year in July to be with a family member who unexpectedly died in front of me (heart attack) so then, I was then living alone, yes, 19 and living alone in cali fucking fornia. I had a job out there but lost it since I was dealing with a loss and went into a spiral with drinking and using, basically was homeless on the streets hotel hoping with strangers with al my luggage. Got into drugs heavily (been clean now though for a month, woo) and I woke up in the hospital one day in Oakland don’t know what happened or if I was raped or where my belongings went. (I think I was robbed and drugged out heavily)so my parents finally realize what happened to me, flew me back home. Even before being in California, my life was the same so it isn’t about moving back issues. I actually wish I was homeless again there than to be living with my useless mom and asshole brother. You can tell how bitter I was to willingly pack and drive away 4 days across the country. That’s the hate. My brother had his friend move into the house this past weekend and he doesn’t do shit. He eats my food, drinks my own alcohol, smokes my cigs. Everything is toxic here. Sorry but Does anyone around this house realize what I was thru this year? On the street and OD, woke up in the hospital all alone no family to help me, arrested and thrown into a crazy house yet again after my hospitalization (was in there for a week with the weirdest roommate who scared me was scared to even sleep) . Parents not around to answer the phone calls I made and the hospital was like who the fuck is this girl and where is the support from a family member? Yea, it was that bad. So, now here I am back home. Sitting in my dark room typing you all this sad life story. Do I want to end it? Well, yea. But, as everyone says, I am scared to. If I could love anyone out of my family, it’s my dad. He really does care and call me daily to check in on me. We hung out yesterday. I wouldn’t want my dad to walk in on me dead. But I don’t fucking care if my mom or brother did, I would be happy that they saw me. I just really feel stuck and trapped in a huge fucking hole and being around no love no support no hugs no attention. No friends I can stay with to get out of this mess either 
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suicidewatch,Suckmytoee,2018/04/16,"I’m lost. I don’t want to exist anymore. I was finally happy and I have an amazing boyfriend and an amazing family and amazing friends but I’m not happy anymore. Yesterday I woke up and I just was hit with the realisation that I’m just a failure, I can’t do fucking anything at all and I’m never gunna get anywhere In life. I got drunk last night because of it and I relapsed after almost a month clean.. again!and my boyfriend is gunna be so annoyed and I’m so annoyed. I deleted all my social media from my phone (except Reddit) and my mum is panicking because she doesn’t know where I am. But I’m just thinking. Like I know I’m not gunna kill myself I’m just really confused I think.. I don’t know. ",0.059931506849313365,2.4170864315068528,2.693986301369865,88.75015753424658,92.21917808219177,4.5638356164383564,24.423287671232877,6.2581,0.9203545205479462,553,25,109,6,20,191,82,146,0.165,0.665,0.171,-0.3966,0,0,0,3,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,4,1,5,0,12,3,0,0,3,29,32,12,1,1,9,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,9,1,0,5,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,19,7,9,25,2,11,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,2,8,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865173241882427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736771145291394,0.0,0.0,0.15503414502965898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22968933471446865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760331352544018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637899453318706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555455397672326,0.1741693913571067,0.09842931798427128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506777727790799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011028391754114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208432649900948,0.0,0.31061312369229754,0.15356817155174934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330699147392096,0.09204094116741393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056568728455252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037617051125235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145302880688392,0.0,0.0,0.17679721374023788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069152705556767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920463552338141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414335501006899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112104940668953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineedausername1233,2018/04/16,my life time goal honestly when i think of me at the age of 40-45 im in a wooden house with me and my wife one kid and just living one day after another. but at the age of 21 it keeps looking harder to achieve. i just want someone to tell me what my purpose is so i can just do that and not worry about me,0.2154761904761884,1.4026432142857177,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,81.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,20.238095238095237,6.42735559955562,-0.06261904761904757,235,6,60,2,6,82,51,70,0.0,0.903,0.097,0.6766,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,7,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,10,1,11,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,6,42,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29976927040568235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843684356114811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298662171580149,0.0,0.0,0.3087985961445979,0.0,0.0,0.2541025708071167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192493539211065,0.0,0.0,0.2524365736247232,0.0,0.2400665298373503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38743829286228704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422245208217913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498710238856295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831798498598004,0.0,0.0,0.16669846213400155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686189606878724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903242073530459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_divergent,2018/04/16,I ruin everything I touch The world is better off. ,2.41,4.759872000000001,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,79.0,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.7399999999999998,40,1,7,1,1,14,9,10,0.299,0.472,0.228,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7014068778164378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7127611042641123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NinaMissedTheLastBus,2018/04/16,"Painless ways to commit suicide? I'm sorry I posted here just an hour ago, but I've been thinking.

I've already made up my mind and I want to kill myself. But I'm a coward and I'm very scared of pain. Every time I look up ways it's just anti-suicide pages. I've been thinking about sleeping pills and alcohol, but other painless ideas would be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.",0.8830379746835462,3.3779467341772182,2.7264430379746862,89.5861202531646,87.98734177215191,4.1726582278481015,21.8240506329114,5.6839178017228535,0.2581584810126585,308,11,60,2,10,102,54,79,0.249,0.5820000000000001,0.16899999999999998,-0.8915,0,0,1,0,0,4,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,1,2,0,4,4,1,1,1,16,13,6,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,6,1,7,8,2,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320042012840325,0.1967552038690168,0.0,0.0,0.20316749043670126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511872765148804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130905715488072,0.0,0.0,0.20783525049407173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368795775104293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460414902685204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742072133201941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589635359694792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534038674229684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19590363637995006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632434125448024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432398484473747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842407196491241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206093563330632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402768013392199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950168903888982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593763633463244,0.0,0.0,0.10735471496077957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038163653736225,0.10859152645978228,0.2922723395275414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078486984535806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Game_Over_Again,2018/04/16,"Just another I'm here. Just like everyone else.  I fucking hate my life,  i hate everyone that tells me to ""cheer up"" or to just ""get over it, that's life"", or the absolute worst ""is what it is""!   



Here's the meat of the story though.  Ive been dumped tonight.  I saw it coming,  i can't deny that.  But the fact that I've driven someone very sweet to the point that they don't even want me in their life anymore!? Fuck me.    



I feel like such a waste of space.  I should have a family by now.  All my friends have their happy lives...wait... Friends?  No. People i used to know.  The person that just dumped me like a piece of old food, that was my friend, my absolute BEST friend.   



What did i do?  Welp.  I'm depressed. I have anxiety.  I have the hardest time motivating myself for even the most exciting of times.  I know!  What a fucking downer!  Why would anyone want me!?   



I'm so beyond average that i swear people forget i even exist (besides my parents,  they are a default, they don't even count right now,  so don't go there). I can't even meet people because i feel like I'm awkward and not intriguing, or ""cool"".   



I've worked so hard at all of my ""hobbies"" or done things that seem to make people think that I'm so ""talented"", yet when it comes to using those ""talents"" they are NEVER GOOD ENOUGH!   



My job is a great job,  and i like to think i make a good dollar, but how the fuck do people live in this world?  I'm looking at places to live cause i splint rent with my SO and Holy shit,  i just want to cry,  take a drink,  and hang myself.   



I don't understand this world. I don't see the anything that's worth it right now. It's all consumerism. It's all who's hot and who's not.  It's everyone acting like they're on a fucking reality show.  It's all facebook, and twitter.  Its all... Fucking....pointless.     



I just feel like the people around me would be better off if i wasn't around anymore, but that would be a joke,  nobody notices me anyways,  and those that do,  just push me out of their lives anyways, and move on as if I was a mosquito that they swatted away.  And that's it.    



I've been on this planet for 35 years,  and ive contributed nothing, but annoyance,  and disappointment.  One of my good friends passed away not long ago, not sure but i think it was suicide.  My friends life got pretty dark in the end.  I felt angry,  and jealous when i heard they had passed.  What kind of feelings are those?  I mean, i bawled my eyes out,  but I'm not sure if that was just the shock.    



I've been told I'm completely emotionless, but I've been told I'm charming and funny.  I just don't like people to see me cry.  How could i be emotionless and unsympathetic? I just don't know what to say to people.  I cry at movies,  i cry if I'm feeling down.  I want to cry now,  but i can't.    



I don't want to go to work tomorrow.  I don't want to work anymore.  At all.  I just want to sit and think and listen to music that reminds me of being young, before I new how shitty this world really is.  Before i gave a fuck about what anyone else thought of me.    



Why was i the fastest sperm?  It's not like i remember trying. I like to think that my dad just drank too much and only had the one swimmer left,  that way i don't have to think how wonderful one of the others would have turned out.  Me... Why me?  I was even premature,  i should have fucking died.  But no.  I'm here,  and all i have to offer is my presence... Yay... Lucky you.    



In closing,  if anyone even stuck around to read this.  I would like to die,  but not some crazy long term death,  and not a random one.  Oh no.  Anxiety has already made me think about those scenarios way too much.  So much that I'm still paying the medical bills.  No.  I want to die on my own terms.  Tonight.  Fuck this.  Goodnight moon.  ",0.5805022688155219,2.696640935064938,2.1574229385072776,96.11847519949931,84.45454545454545,5.321232983883586,19.277108433734934,6.620396527908097,-0.025218119230167257,2840,77,654,31,83,922,288,770,0.18,0.6920000000000001,0.129,-0.9924,4,0,1,0,0,4,149.0,0,1,9,7,54,57,15,1,30,2,62,18,2,11,12,134,138,52,5,21,39,2,8,11,6,7,5,3,1,1,53,29,3,0,23,4,6,11,27,20,0,4,27,18,92,37,67,99,20,74,0,2,5,8,30,35,9,15,36,422,145,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208354908988173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238962651281165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978147117323827,0.0726361899029379,0.0,0.14124674548395266,0.09958645995246196,0.04864354679074582,0.039067718399826944,0.12678792183533222,0.0,0.0,0.08920828186244846,0.0,0.0,0.028940199742294774,0.0,0.08079512267346298,0.0,0.049821877609992654,0.04198760594905163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048769701024029874,0.0,0.08179067950917396,0.04977642852290105,0.0,0.0,0.037904767762584425,0.0,0.2607442135652949,0.0,0.0,0.04088997893472995,0.0,0.1478140530726447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858320717213103,0.0,0.04650723386298575,0.0,0.0,0.07931821345763163,0.0,0.042048584885423484,0.04905416312516276,0.0,0.2194966210823662,0.0,0.0,0.13609262851449894,0.0,0.0,0.044755019859403763,0.0,0.1200234362603656,0.10174802793030466,0.0455832566772644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057406721183089975,0.0,0.22007349382887909,0.3511175288053853,0.0248036255275306,0.0,0.053962050096887634,0.11945883896479124,0.03796993749293134,0.05234113877402572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505378114197948,0.04252809918980073,0.09374307999790987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422283454893927,0.0,0.0,0.04943770252270837,0.0782727317609924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051581513222082286,0.0,0.1341314316410974,0.2551317019296122,0.0,0.12576336456332105,0.08402741481000174,0.03986687834474864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492180723434278,0.0633796003491034,0.0,0.0,0.05171397903778275,0.0,0.047825870210973016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050458203184998385,0.10469832990929484,0.0,0.03661549540800688,0.045851461330027946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045553354634492234,0.054050378770395334,0.049816820451040585,0.0,0.12868062280987544,0.036106727575278746,0.0,0.0,0.05271515133928638,0.0,0.0,0.2633044104754496,0.04145316747673945,0.049601065458687116,0.0,0.04487903478975922,0.0,0.0,0.04829894294965239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047487651141394284,0.0,0.03041357496666284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377969802879538,0.08108644606937633,0.0,0.03775386946913331,0.0,0.0,0.07566254406656554,0.04321927833716495,0.0,0.0,0.04873220385430357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022524718568645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037913439628609914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192972986861449,0.0,0.08948888145275925,0.0,0.035695144134282535,0.0,0.041495071044994634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03154015011464478,0.21293956121923555,0.046643753676269904,0.03768969121845103,0.055365879738883635,0.0,0.0,0.09072841900966597,0.0,0.032232275442223284,0.051638953785269545,0.0,0.049422945029332144,0.0,0.08200597518748633,0.0,0.039171685086505134,0.22401495441837252,0.07536657894902818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851587854850607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148439956556684,0.10368666773355258,0.0,0.0,0.16862369245191136,0.0,0.0,0.03057221711512176
suicidewatch,harryfuckingstyles,2018/04/16,"advice?? hi. one of my friends has been posting for like 6-8 months on her twitter about wanting to die/hurt herself etc., and usually i will message her and try to help her out but yesterday it got pretty bad, i was really worried so i called the police to her house. we’re under 18 so she lives with her mum. her mum did not know she is suicidal but now does,, my friend kept telling me i should have thought about what she wanted etc., kept telling me that the police being called was the last thing she’d ever want and that i should have talked to her first. this has happened dozens of times throughout the past 2 months especially. i don’t know if i did the rigjt thing or not",3.6956521739130466,4.807657115942033,3.900695652173912,91.67582608695652,72.04347826086956,6.969275362318841,25.394202898550724,7.1686216300943375,0.8648237681159427,534,16,117,5,10,165,92,138,0.097,0.7929999999999999,0.11,-0.4403,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,16,0,0,0,1,22,26,9,1,6,6,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,9,0,23,3,13,12,2,14,0,0,0,0,24,3,0,2,11,81,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805620753244286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650656274007932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094222925225524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724599698614716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258956148048934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33795285294577393,0.0,0.13705168058482056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887640815804666,0.0,0.0,0.2341162780398119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117834304245798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398195457089093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155559801310596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482501886434207,0.1621972058275842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665345545533156,0.1235028646194896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402132734659131,0.0,0.13378826460683474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187157587391256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266875377840136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463577256479984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451070402230709,0.15414262608229648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706275184529566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573002316089228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177996395154594,0.2648571098963551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131627190139909,0.0,0.0,0.12028395707746485,0.0883481250014557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286700449016696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686955244490698,0.0,0.2680978965089525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386824229702167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EatDrLao,2018/04/16,"Talking to someone will take my options away I've been feeling bad for a while. There a good days, there are bad days.

A while ago I gathered some resources to easily and painlessly stop this all. The bad days are staring to outweigh the good days and yesterday I set up everything, ready to go. I had doubts and eventually didn't do it.

Today is one of the ""good days"" and I'm glad I didn't do it, but I don't know how long it will take before I might be ready to go again.

No one knows about this. This is the first time I ever let these thoughts out of my head into this text box, hence the throwaway. I don't want anyone to find out.

However, I have the feeling that I might need to talk to someone close, who would understand. But I'm scared that it will take the option away for when I really need it. For when the bad days keep coming without the good ones. I'd like to keep the option open without anyone interfering. ",3.2785037593984967,4.393461015789478,4.111278195488726,89.75894736842108,73.05263157894737,7.3233082706766925,24.624060150375943,7.7094869923839395,1.0077744360902248,723,21,159,9,14,232,100,190,0.116,0.75,0.134,0.1323,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,2,13,0,21,1,1,1,2,38,40,11,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,3,7,0,0,3,7,6,0,4,5,3,13,6,23,27,2,31,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,7,20,105,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389849118559444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813418440665846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904507222650414,0.0,0.3537807308486493,0.0,0.0,0.09013664814711694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124731118272628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098875171073686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581764509117484,0.0,0.0,0.09520096262305827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712042891333402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681597447339768,0.09010202490636812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040227582890513,0.35538842707458285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871235307368893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830676645433775,0.0,0.0,0.11643015813827122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831822290160853,0.0,0.051750910624432815,0.0,0.0,0.09374265763604836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247450437955759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708805528731482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533799883768046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678599800323455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605208033545377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795043478978665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856027811470445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389332826732037,0.17028130286813406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409474046746675,0.06176727822480878,0.0,0.10040704861387167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102744437806613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247888628038838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422099429732807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524797999123645,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,definitelynotme13,2018/04/16,"Just a random stream of consciousness I wanted to write down I wouldn't call myself depressed. My suicidal thoughts developed somewhat slowly, first starting about three years ago, as I began to realize that there was no point to my life. I'm not religious and don't believe in any afterlife to live for. I have no useful skills and nothing to really offer the world. I feel like I don't have any ability to do something worthwhile with my life, so why continue? As I came to all these realizations, I further discovered that I am, in general, a terrible person, for a variety of reasons that I won't discuss. When I think carefully about all this, it seems logical that I kill myself. The closest I've come was in late January of this year, when I researched and decided on my method of choice. The main reason I have not done it yet is the guilt I feel over how it will affect my parents. I know it would really mess them up, especially my mom. They would probably blame themselves and not understand why I did it. Other than them though, there is not much keeping me here. I only have a few friends, and I think they would get over my death quickly, so that's not an issue. 

After reading a lot of the posts on this subreddit, I feel even guiltier that I want to kill myself. Many of the people here have been through some difficult, traumatic things. Nothing like that has happened to me. I turn 20 in a month. I have the large majority of my life still ahead of me. I've been given every advantage in life thus far. In fact, when I told a friend about some of these feelings, she said ""Jack, what do you have to be sad about? Your life is perfect."" And, while nobody's life is perfect, her point is still valid. There's no reason for me to feel this way, and yet I do. I don't look forward to the rest of my life at all. I see it as a chore that I have to muddle through for the sake of my parents. I often fantasize about throwing myself in front of the cars that speed by as I walk back from class. I would never do that, of course, since it would damage their car, and I'm also worried that I might survive it. When I do go through with this, I am going to make sure that there is no doubt. 

I suppose that is all for now. I don't really know why I posted here, as I am not looking for anything specific from all of you. It is unlikely that I do anything drastic for at least a couple of months. Thank you for reading this anyway, though. Have a good night.",4.150313169802335,5.027589220647776,4.9817337461300335,85.2244891640867,70.76113360323886,8.321886163372232,28.09216480114313,8.583994105835817,1.8931435579899984,1921,67,398,31,34,624,234,494,0.121,0.807,0.07200000000000001,-0.9777,2,0,2,0,0,3,62.0,0,4,5,7,33,21,2,2,21,0,47,7,0,8,10,72,83,24,4,8,7,3,5,2,2,9,7,1,1,1,34,12,0,1,19,2,0,10,17,10,0,2,12,9,68,11,73,61,15,61,0,3,3,0,23,22,0,9,30,307,102,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062129901716216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371085324553606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083545942701822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112073875422375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612601421060689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975909319356314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135042372791998,0.09111951515380913,0.08122732316647757,0.0,0.0,0.06862733965352548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815165582681743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686183435476768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152851351932981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052620278490048834,0.0,0.06712412896987961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141388177853428,0.05691517675569385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677659668714743,0.0,0.0,0.12310333728623694,0.0,0.04162349167244103,0.0,0.09055486426138057,0.06682213968184476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045057217680906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831531927365648,0.0,0.07081300398342774,0.17628273455685786,0.0,0.08756742423311469,0.0,0.08986951354178133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939054156831111,0.07784398849167444,0.0,0.07034872585850174,0.0,0.13380291336417952,0.0,0.0,0.06773129120710755,0.0,0.0,0.05317932784474245,0.08077133244844717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451566548146815,0.0,0.09330675880962484,0.1271812384600467,0.0,0.05856549826101009,0.0,0.061445241805713126,0.0,0.0,0.0747634699145584,0.0,0.15288810703709335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059146768203672,0.0,0.0,0.17692483385921395,0.0,0.0,0.055232091597744885,0.06956344222134962,0.0,0.0,0.15062492608311126,0.0,0.15260075945808932,0.0,0.08589609419472563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938007527437426,0.0,0.15311300151854254,0.24573739311564324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578296668091464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348546242513634,0.07252719042864032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590258845122944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061332686780006626,0.0,0.0,0.05638975893236368,0.0,0.1272466992297921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714438445054129,0.0,0.0750865978804314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334803094324972,0.0,0.0,0.05292819689554303,0.10209668793671607,0.15654775069561375,0.06324787264776345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612664505257398,0.0,0.0,0.08665642691908207,0.0,0.08293769548216216,0.0,0.06880798578252384,0.0,0.0,0.09398106518123696,0.06323712974507155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156652298512889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080907206827838,0.0,0.2829710056200464,0.0,0.0,0.10260777587428924
suicidewatch,onequartercup_flour,2018/04/16,Chronic health problems making me extremely suicidal. Hey. I’m bipolar and have a history of suicidal thoughts/self harm/suicide attempts. Recently I’ve had a lot of chronic health issues from my doctor mismanaging my medication. It’s been almost 3 months that I’ve been dealing with chronic issues. I don’t really want to get into the list of what I’m suffering from some severe medication induced GERD (it wasn’t there before I stared an antibiotic I was prescribed weeks ago) and I basically can barely keep any food down . I’m maybe able to eat 500 calories a day. comfortably or go on longer than 10 minute walks with my dog which is really upsetting to me. I’m in so mush discomfort I’m barely present. On Friday my doctor prescribed me my third of a kind of the same type of medication. All three have left me wheezing and gasping for air. I’m honestly afraid to try the next medication he’s going to prescribe me. I don’t really have access to any different doctors. I’m disabled and So I’m on Medicaid insurance and  the healthcare system where I live is fucking terrible. I’ve talked to staff members about my issues and they don’t seem to take me seriously. I even asked for a referral to a gastroenterologist and my doctor insisted I instead try a gluten free diet and didn’t give me a referral. So that’s the situation I’m in. I’m not getting better and I’m becoming more and more afraid to take my doctor’s advice. It’s weird. I’ve been in objectively worse situations but this is absolutely the lowest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m self harming almost ever day and I just don’t care about being alive anymore. It feels like all I do is suffer at this point. I wish I could say that I don’t have a plan but I do...I’m barely holding on here. I feel like  I’m going crazy. The psych wards here are a living nightmare because there is a huge homelessness problem where I live-so that’s not an option. I really just want to kill myself. I really do-I have a boyfriend and a dog and that was always enough to stop me from acting on suicidal thoughts before but I just don’t care anymore. I just want to stop suffering. Sorry if any part of this post was confusing or rambling.,2.9449482758620675,5.119582664367818,4.7914798850574725,80.07963362068966,76.3793103448276,8.02816091954023,26.73706896551724,8.841846274778883,2.306748275862069,1749,69,329,40,40,595,205,435,0.16399999999999998,0.753,0.083,-0.9874,2,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,0,1,3,19,25,2,5,22,0,31,21,0,2,4,56,66,22,4,8,12,0,2,2,0,0,17,1,0,1,14,16,3,4,5,0,1,5,10,16,0,2,11,4,39,10,42,53,9,37,0,3,1,1,9,18,1,10,14,197,53,8,0.07360017767321159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192124180581677,0.06524211672669443,0.0,0.14739989283216695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124124381141605,0.0,0.0,0.1501519340262536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598319858824807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880623083078395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0448659851774387,0.08128561376777796,0.12525666058134455,0.0,0.0,0.06509337609695823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008057266509375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058763752971095415,0.0,0.0,0.0949320516168796,0.07587855140812454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689652066921644,0.0,0.3766645027754684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531135606419477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076048658104068,0.0,0.04861222321334875,0.13315114879022608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744289225389545,0.10515996327150642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889976269901737,0.0,0.0,0.06804217828142134,0.07690611019788954,0.0706039969450014,0.12548603126533864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646709433430878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045839069306376,0.0,0.06541921963984172,0.08142769182187133,0.07664325914616435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996680839315783,0.0,0.05198598210643278,0.07191465824511484,0.0,0.1949709159096276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257223909050395,0.0,0.0,0.04912869011161467,0.0,0.07394127100899284,0.0,0.0,0.29657774349742305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874695963210388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827462393127145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970182013513237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957595758098356,0.0,0.07048862524270055,0.0,0.0,0.14085086022430365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23575079228859125,0.0,0.07267129626070266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852981538056164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700283752433712,0.15356207383094256,0.08314725131305789,0.0,0.0,0.16545936686250076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238937316986328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306608826520712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220265943290837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067634791025592,0.05915703488854775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584303198529058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993937879512657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302338751195289,0.0,0.059037623035170475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463657204466593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750048688880919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kittynails,2018/04/16,"How to talk to friends about depression? I have had a friend who was constantly depressed (not depression, but just negative overall). And despite how much I loved her, I still felt at times that it was annoying to hear all of the problems that she saw in the world. 
Now I am the one with depression. I told a few of my very close friends that I was diagnosed, so I could explain why I would sometimes go missing. However, during my low periods, I often want to talk to a friend, but I'm so scared of reaching out to them even though they said they wanted to help. I'm afraid that if I were to truly talk to them about my negative feelings it would put a huge burden on them. I'm also afraid that I would sound like I was trying to get attention by portraying myself as this typical poor little girl suffering from depression.
Have any of you had friends with depression and how does it feel like when they talk about their struggles to you? Or how should I talk to my friends about my problems, if I should even talk to them at all?",7.5638235294117635,6.210597539215687,7.173843137254902,79.9642941176471,63.80392156862745,11.297254901960786,35.59607843137255,10.355215969177356,3.33151725490196,814,31,168,16,10,256,111,204,0.275,0.568,0.157,-0.9884,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,8,0,19,26,1,4,7,0,16,2,0,4,2,35,33,17,0,12,7,0,3,2,6,5,1,3,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,0,1,2,3,17,0,1,11,7,32,9,31,16,4,18,0,9,1,1,32,10,0,4,8,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773219525655434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610051545138161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504054789816182,0.0,0.07760767891077387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023182902548609,0.09865771861898072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506189649749588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840166325442612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982962392636708,0.06944094149209776,0.0933289123435411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505869328317793,0.0,0.050783896575242383,0.0,0.055241988072806114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955342383215026,0.0,0.06515227647240751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949757192807298,0.0974216779104198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772836411398229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145446206123754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586641368981645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601787295598396,0.0,0.09771459461365628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246111240198383,0.0,0.09731589733922537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613500493740024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762543402269746,0.0,0.0,0.10161636196593936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687624533989951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550021467416504,0.0,0.05667911546511524,0.0,0.0,0.09288042674059932,0.0,0.06599360003342046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020161415124744,0.11466420769680595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770945034143847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714797878500046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoeSchm013,2018/04/16,"More needs to be done to help people dealing with suicide 1000's die every year from suicide in America and it feels like basically nothing it being done to help us suicidal people. I feel like suicidal people do more to help other suicidal people then the so called ""professionals"" This is my opinion and you guys might have a different one but I think our country is clueless when it comes to dealing with mental illness and it is very frustrating and makes me feel hopeless.",8.083295454545457,8.376081647727279,7.90127272727273,69.7619090909091,62.06818181818182,10.676363636363641,38.054545454545455,10.355215969177356,4.175901818181818,387,18,62,8,5,124,61,88,0.28600000000000003,0.631,0.083,-0.9757,1,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,2,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,1,0,16,17,8,6,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,3,7,2,9,12,2,5,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,2,5,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337882813804853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408256474486956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24913658510110695,0.0,0.0,0.12540031734226714,0.1262394722234642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24729785038353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180274413553736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328269896429997,0.17263899779731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963864940792494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296524800912656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180608488262646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065358298068179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176613661395032,0.12817934177314058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959238071325645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593765968306295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187613390298794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350674980985675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6608307332411157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742166012888782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534112527292806,0.0,0.0,0.09969569818097693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780922683059407
suicidewatch,Arrhythmia_Nyx,2018/04/16,"He's killing me I've gotten bad again. I realized I never stopped loving my ex and he told me the same thing, but tonight he told me he cannot see or talk to me because being around me causes him severe anxiety and panic attacks. He can't stop thinking about our breakup and what it did to him. He told me that one day he might be able to be okay with me again, but for now he can't. He won't respond to me anymore and I can't see him. The last thing I said to him was that while he is trying to fix is head, he will be killing me. I opened a fresh scalpel blade from my dissection kit and I can finally stop hurting. I can finally stop fucking crying. I want to finish the job unlike the past few fucking times I've tried.",2.6893706293706288,3.370836282051286,3.934498834498836,92.11353146853148,74.0,6.9547785547785566,26.361305361305362,6.980632752743323,0.9291487179487181,564,19,132,5,11,185,89,156,0.203,0.7070000000000001,0.09,-0.9736,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,5,10,5,1,5,1,17,4,1,1,1,22,29,9,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,3,24,2,12,15,2,19,0,1,2,3,24,2,2,2,17,80,30,1,0.128967149435011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865951631917233,0.0,0.1279007577327085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480810562064794,0.0,0.14671875078452387,0.0,0.0,0.10768218281680347,0.07861717726577927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248478810606826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166435782356185,0.08317314219950886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825544166831846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384561030074159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235750234383406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806200083220815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797999585663505,0.0,0.2853660855539362,0.0,0.0,0.10512543980567304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639788757878848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681376504091813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994674162168498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739147815322475,0.0,0.0,0.1513151623373279,0.0,0.0,0.12311373707285204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226772922927504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055402413331564,0.0,0.0,0.1456961698219449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312892467774027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103658909527067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713600869816043,0.08263694189269942,0.0,0.0,0.07520178196189756,0.0,0.0,0.3697009141527725,0.0,0.17512045768069467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606816616039268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnzaiChiyomi,2018/04/16,"Hello, I wanna share my life Hello, first of all I’m not a native speaker of English so sorry if there are a lot of mistakes during the text, And I really don’t have anything planned, I just wish that someone could hear what’s going on with me.
So, I’ve found about this subreddit last week, I used to only read few topics about games on reddit from time to time but never really wanted to reply a topic or doing one. But after acknowledging about this subreddit, I wanted to make a topic about what is going on with me on daily basis and seek for help.
I can’t say exactly for how long I’ve been depressed, sometimes I feel I was born with it, I remember when I was a child I was constantly mocked in school for being ugly and often people used to make fun of the way I speak, my voice etc. And often my parents used to yell at me for not standing people mocking me and they also used to and still mocking me for stuff I do. 
I often say I’ve grew up inside a bubble where the world was something nice to live in, but that bubble blew up when I was like 7 years old and my parents did nothing about it. It was just like I was abandoned. 
I’ve had moments in life which I enjoyed doing things, and moments where I can remember I wasn’t sad but, I’ve never been truly happy. I don’t think I ever experienced happiness even once in life. Since 2014 my life seems to be only going down and down and getting worse every year.
Since I used to be mocked, not only on school but on classes I used to go with other people, I’m really shy and introvert because I’m always afraid that people will say bad things to me again like they did in the past. My parents most of the time don’t accept the fact I’m an introvert and keep saying “you can’t be introvert, there is no place for introvert people in the labor market” and don’t even try to understand me.
Due to my introversion I tend to be quiet in places and very avoidant of people, if someone try to talk with me I try to cut the conversation and bring it to an end as fast as I can (I rarely have interest in talk with people in daily basis). And I also tend to do activities which I can be only me and the teacher in the room (like piano classes, I tried to do a Japanese class with other people but, I often was sad and I don’t feel like demonstrating it to people around me but I was so tired to fake it that I just dropped due to that and kinda still studying in home).  
Most of the friends I had where done in the internet or my old class. In 2012 I changed school with one of my few friends at the time and I met new people in a new classroom and they were something like friends to me if I can say, I had one friend that used to be moving himself a lot through the city I live so he had studied in a lot of schools and met lot of people, so my friends in 2013 and 2014 were these guys.
In 2013, even tho it was like the least worse year I had in all my life, It was when the irl friends I had used to point out that I was a failure, I wasn’t good at nothing and so on. In 2014 was the year which I’ve had few complications due to some problems I was facing at time (I’ll refrain from writing about it because everything was already solved) but at that time I met what was my first best friend, a girl that could notice I was quiet, avoidant of people and unhappy with life and decided to talk with me, it was hard for her in the beginning but one day I just couldn’t stand faking being alright and wrote what I was feeling. I used to talk with her all the morning and afternoon by some sort of “irl chats” (I really prefer to write rather than talk because I really hate the way my voice sounds like and I often get nervous when talking with people) but then she had to change school in 2015 and her parents found out some stuff she was doing in 2014 and she had no internet in the whole 2015 because of that. 
In 2015, my irl friends started to be real assholes with me for no reason, some of them used to mock at me, and I’m not someone that get pissed and start raging out everything, I don’t feel like rage most of the times, but after stuff I just couldn’t stand anymore and rage everything on me, and then they just started saying to me: “why did you do that? Are you fucking crazy or what?” they never tried to see my side of the story and used to constantly offend me for no reason at all.
After the year of 2015, in the early 2016 I was feeling like a real trash for a bunch of shit happening in my life, at 2016 my best friend had return so I just talked with her about my feeling of being a trash and we just started talking like old times. A lot of shit happened in 2016 and that had an impact on my personality. I moved from where I live to a city where I didn’t know anybody and I was simply alone. And my irl friends at the time would still mock me as a “fag” and other stuff. I only had like 2 friends on the internet that I used to talk to at the time that lived far from me, I used to talk with them because at the time I just felt everybody had someone more special than me in their lives, except for these two, I wasn’t the most special person for them, but they didn’t had one either so I used to talk with them and searching for new friends on the internet, but everybody I tried to talk to on the internet seemed to ignore me and I don’t know why.
By the end of 2016, Me and my best friend had an argue because of some stuff I was doing the whole year and it had a huge impact on me, some friends of mine tried to help me out but they just went into the argue and start bashing me even more but somehow everything got solved, but by that moment, me and my best friends were no longer “besties” anymore, Every time I tried to talk with her she used to reply like I was annoying her. So, after all that I met a guy on the internet that heard everything that happened with me from 2014 to 2016, and we started talking a lot and I started knowing other peoples and suddenly, I was seeing myself with friends, in early 2017 I moved back to where I used to live and I had like new friends everything. I was feeling I would now have a happy life (by the way, I used to have a crush on one guy from that group, and we kinda had a bromance back then if I can say so). But on April everything seemed to be over, the guy which I had a bromance with just dumped me and I just went back to my usual sadness at the time, I still tried to be his friend but he often would cut our chats as fast as he could and I was just depressed. On April, I also met a girl that later on became my best friend (and the only friend I have nowadays) and then a lot of stuff happened by 2017, and most of the friends I used to have just leaved me for no reason.
Also by 2017 in like May, there was a girl on my class that we had a lot of interests in common and we talked from time to time, and, even tho I almost don’t know a lot about her, I’m in love with her (I think I fall in love with people easily, you guys can bash me if you want). But, I’m very shy and I can’t talk with her in real life and she’s often talking with other people that scare me.  I used to try talking with her through internet but even on the internet, she takes long time for replying messages and often she doesn’t even reply. I once asked her if I did something that offended her and if she hates me and she said that “I don’t hate you. You’re someone very kind and cool.” And she doesn’t seem to be annoyed by me the few times we talked to each other in real life (and she was always very kind with me). But, I don’t think that she was saying me the truth to be honest. 
By early this year, I was believing (and still do) she hates me, all the friends I did on the internet left me by the beginning of the year. Most of them left me because they didn’t knew how to deal with me. I’m someone that is kinda hard to deal with, my humor swings a lot in a spam of hours, and I tend to talk a lot about things I’m passionate for and explain concepts for people. But, everyone got mad at me saying “you treat me like I’m some sort of retarded” and I used to talk with them about the pain I was feeling, but they all said I was crazy and had no reason to suffer or to love her at all etc. So I only had one friend (my best friend) and some people which I talk to very often sometimes but I don’t talk with them about my problems because they don’t seem to want to hear it (and I don’t want to talk with them about my problems either). So, even with everything I feel, I often try to help everyone I care for, just like my best friend. So she tried to help me (Forgot to say that she is kinda “friend” of the girl I love but not close friend). 
I did a playlist for this girl with some songs that described the feelings I had for her and my friend sent it to her (we tried to make it in a way she didn’t knew it was me who was sending the playlist and a way that my friend didn’t sound like a lesbian) and she listened to it and said: “I understand what he means with it, unfortunately, at the moment I’m not looking to have a relationship with anyone, I know it’s frustrating but it’s the true, but I still wanna be his friend, he seems someone very nice!” she also said “sometimes I don’t reply people but it’s not because I hate them or stuff like that, it’s because I forgot to check my messages and etc”. 
Since then, I’m not seeing reasons to be alive anymore. I had a “friend” that was close to her (the girl I love) and knew I loved her, and when I talked to her about what happened she said that “it’s over”. However, a friend I had on the last month (that left me) said that “she didn’t said “I don’t want to date with him” she said “at the moment I’m not looking for relationships”.”  However I really don’t know.  My humor is gone, I have no motivation at all nowadays for doing what I used to like (playing games for example) and everyday I just feel something inside me on my chest, like an ice, a huge ice, and it hurts.
I really hate the way I look, I see everybody near me as “better than me” in terms of appearance, I hate my body, I hate my hair, I hate my voice,  My grades get worse by years and my parents just yell at me saying I’m a failure and only school matters in my life etc,  My dream job is to be one day a professional pianist, but I suck at piano, I’m not good at it, and I’m not even a child prodigy. I spent all my childhood in “the bubble” only watching tv, eating junk food, sleep and doing nothing more.  I don’t think I’ll ever achieve my goal to be a world class pianist, and I think I’ll die alone with no friends, and the girl I love hates me and even if I try to be her friend (which seems impossible to me since I can’t get close to her in real life and internet) she would never love me and find someone better than me. My best friend has people that she likes more than me and she is probably finding the love of her life while I’m alone , two friends I did this year left me and said I was “sick” “mental” etc, My parents don’t understand me at all and get mad at me for staying late in the computer and having bad grades on school,  I don’t feel my heart beating anymore when I put my hand over my chest, and this weekend some people I thought were friendly to me just mocked my mental problems. I can’t seek for professional help because my parents wouldn’t take me serious, I tried to talk with a suicide hotline but I got nervous, and every day I’m more unmotivated to do things I like.  I’ve attempted suicide a bunch of times, but I’m a coward that can’t even cut himself.  I really don’t think I’ll be alive next year.
If you read everything, even if you don’t say anything, thank you for reading the cry of a lost soul...
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suicidewatch,raininmyparade14,2018/04/16,Is it possible to kill yourself by slitting your throat with a knife? I’m just a wondering about this. Being depressed you just think about wanting to die and all the different possibilities of suicide that could make the death the least pain less. ,7.212666666666667,8.620708488888887,6.255555555555558,76.93000000000002,64.1111111111111,9.555555555555557,35.0,9.725611199111238,3.403666666666667,202,9,35,4,3,61,39,45,0.344,0.61,0.046,-0.9618,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,1,1,10,8,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092102302648169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256866988881162,0.0,0.2719465466138446,0.2737663607646559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28989819905419645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490755867678107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788191899107246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5908005939882053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866191084839357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678987226778351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545525238743566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841611682103519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayasfuuuck,2018/04/16,"I contemplated this post, debating whether or not I wanted to be a burden to anyone else tonight. When is the right time to check yourself into a hospital? After realizing you’ve been depressed since you were a pre-teen? After seeing tons upon tons of therapists who have never helped a bit? After fantasizing about how to make your body go into an almost irreversible acidosis? After your final mental breakdown and slamming the back of your head against a wall? 

I don’t know what my next move is. I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here. I just know that suicide sounds comforting and that it sounds ideal. ",5.113151340996168,6.994374663793103,5.6108045977011525,77.7924329501916,69.60344827586206,8.259003831417624,28.406130268199234,8.841846274778883,2.397780842911877,495,18,85,9,9,159,84,116,0.115,0.831,0.053,-0.7945,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,4,0,1,7,4,0,0,8,0,8,2,2,2,1,18,17,6,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,2,3,10,2,17,14,3,21,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,2,11,63,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344546524780374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420612285031315,0.20817173396287814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622523367417904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180908276854094,0.2256761330435273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749900732601942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972251325898546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225628676812968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309324520513353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851109408639987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618060724633976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349708515867703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561759136627294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204747632371346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593761850586649,0.0,0.0,0.15669727377783846,0.0,0.21607366161285535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458075418694964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735061194423511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619002317217557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806437149133885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223506763347167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358960966861027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184700946787897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983496417185475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7,2018/04/16,"Ramblings of a broken 19yo TL;DR: I'm at a point in life where I don't even know what I need to do, how I need to do it. It feels like my entire life is being wasted and I don't have the mental energy to keep going on

So where the fuck do I begin. I got no bloody idea. Lets just go trough the timeline I guess

I was born in Canada, in a poor family, with a( at the time) violent, depressed father and a bordeline mother. Along the childhood we  moved.... I honestly lost track how many time honestly.... from Montreal, Laval, Ottawa, Gatineau.... Basically destroying any chance of truly understanding how to form a proper social network and how to socialize because I just kept moving so fucking much it was basically pointless to try since you'd lose contact right after... I digress. Point being we moved a lot.

Most of my social interactions that I did manage to get were stale and bland, mixed with a sprinkle of absolute psychotic. Most happening in school, because fuck me if anyone ever invited me to anything ever after school, People usually had one of the two thoughts about me: ""He's weird asf"" or ""He's annoying asf"" pick and choose. So obviously I spend most of my elementary, middle and high school doing pretty much the same shit alone. Alone being the key part. I've done a lot of personality test and introversion tests and its clear that, although being ambivert, I'm extroverted dominant. Reason I say this is sometime I need social interaction. I got everything I could of wanted, except that. In the end I'm starting to think people will all succeed because of just that: they got friend henceforth they got potential life opportunities. I got none of that. Now I know I've been rambling pretty much this entire time but I had to ramble somewhere and this subreddit seemed a decent candidate. But then again I doubt myself so fucking much all the time because intelligence is the only mildly attractive quality I may posses. So of course when my intellect is challenge I start dying inside because my validation that I'm a human piece of garbage with no assets to call his own. 

I'm poor, weird, ostracized to absolute shit, have depression, Asperger syndrome, Atrial septum defect, low blood pressure, Probably malnutrition because, again, were poor.

I'm not even sure how to turn my life around if it's even possible. I'm to tired to search, yet I don't wanna die. I just wanna cease existing, if that makes sense. I want people to forget I ever existed so I can just disapeared.

And If anyone blames my behavior on my depression, don't; I know. Thing is, its not as simple as going to a clinic where I live; I've been waiting for years in a stupid waiting list and I still only got a psychologist who can at most prescribe me stupid fucking ssris that dont work, I was on Prozac when I was a kid and I didn't work back, now they put me on sertraline (zoloft) and I guess that didn't do its job either

So yeah. Im done, im going to bed. I hope I don't wake up.


PS: This was originally going to be posted on /r/offmychest but when I realized I couldn't even do that, this subreddit seemed to fit the bill.

""This is the place to unload that baggage that's been weighing you down for days, weeks, months, or years."" 
 offmychest

Unless you're me. If you're me you can fuck off mate.",4.218028391167191,5.969493711356468,5.398733123028394,78.94082523659307,71.66561514195584,8.41584858044164,27.033312302839107,9.010732273442466,2.26407076340694,2599,91,477,53,50,862,304,634,0.154,0.765,0.081,-0.9934,1,2,0,0,0,2,99.0,2,3,3,7,39,34,13,2,28,1,51,19,4,9,8,95,104,43,2,15,20,2,1,1,2,2,8,1,1,3,28,20,1,4,13,0,5,9,14,24,0,2,26,2,64,10,67,67,19,72,0,6,0,6,28,29,8,20,34,324,92,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275574635154038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041876789613989863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611690719020404,0.0,0.05067542938834653,0.054819619568484426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735153317638195,0.0,0.2252330735339486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288048240886658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916694552203564,0.0,0.0,0.039714269206376634,0.0,0.1591173473959818,0.0,0.12782148392403164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603627677021662,0.07217178039667202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054541964095108565,0.0,0.0,0.16269311673210518,0.16710901570528486,0.0,0.0,0.055344500632762035,0.0,0.0580525288282335,0.0,0.031136904934718736,0.043993056296222514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047576871022758434,0.3415805734268356,0.032173221920247436,0.0,0.1749878269924358,0.0,0.2955088700001733,0.0,0.13567552569060876,0.0,0.05445535206152878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506308281514163,0.0,0.0611632406433477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951678585541426,0.133034817344559,0.0,0.06110905364486016,0.0547354967220744,0.0,0.0,0.10152894650240772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297014011984106,0.17398425532104708,0.030085077155577237,0.0,0.05437662910799937,0.0,0.0,0.06889272570277999,0.06722229052263179,0.1047069227204686,0.0,0.0,0.041105401002466006,0.062432869018015626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062058568126308125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915289473151285,0.1963506867533545,0.18107474377685634,0.13698327835724666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041728478664364375,0.09366935150701852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668558168023504,0.0,0.12807630513637788,0.0537696376300316,0.06433842039389705,0.0,0.11642678158116675,0.06942265820900778,0.058977009159638785,0.12529882845616747,0.06639409596766574,0.0,0.0,0.061905319389863565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633149163700696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258933258000103,0.0,0.04897121267333573,0.0,0.18696798374707252,0.0,0.11212098260644772,0.0,0.0,0.12642280924028615,0.05093995045024042,0.0,0.0,0.2510938867583953,0.0,0.0,0.060904598834247675,0.0,0.08717386049385198,0.0,0.04917819395302775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803880644744156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409112872596013,0.039458239401922564,0.0,0.04888796592784031,0.1436321261721755,0.07077762098327631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180905527888101,0.06698180143136047,0.060155111339240876,0.06410737723063825,0.0,0.0,0.06782212019402344,0.0,0.07264344111667008,0.0,0.04939608940478117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966254193927821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931152844950448
suicidewatch,ChechClear1978,2018/04/16,Considering suicide because of blackmail. My ex girlfriend is attempting to blackmail me. Ive been depressed for years. But now its just anxiety mixed in with depression. I just want out. I dont think ill ever be left alone. My biological father has been calling cys for no reason (im 18) just to spite my mother and now i have this girl trying to do the same. I just want out. I cant see a day in my life that ill be safe from anyone. ,1.013258426966292,3.3371346516853966,3.1281910112359554,88.48689325842697,84.50561797752809,5.807191011235956,22.38314606741573,7.1686216300943375,0.8402710112359553,340,12,71,5,10,115,64,89,0.212,0.684,0.104,-0.9124,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,2,0,11,3,0,1,1,16,15,2,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,11,1,12,11,1,10,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,0,5,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472355577641341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826154429653504,0.0,0.0,0.1669142753024495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551774817778873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437535321319177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395068587653107,0.0,0.41120778091404464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27977085604319885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159303452561066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257851923061012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593632980601215,0.0,0.16861065288148389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454375970192184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902240332135366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611142086527437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295819716181466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207103554105098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815992288874121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372389378823995
suicidewatch,Saikluc,2018/04/16,"Have you ever felt completely worthless.. well today I feel like that I just posted why in r/offmychest, but I don't feel like it's out of my chest yet, and this sucks.
My ex boyfriend made me feel like a pice of garbage, like I'm worth nothing, like I'm just disposable and I can't bare it,I know I have to be strong and not care about him... but it's so fucking hard no to feel what I feel.
And I'm crying in my bed thinking is it really worth it to be alive, I just want the pain to stop, I don't want to feel anymore, I want to be numb",0.6962809917355379,1.8232097438016552,2.489330578512398,98.76672314049587,79.66115702479338,5.831735537190082,20.36446280991736,6.2581,-0.21890479338843027,413,10,108,3,10,137,69,121,0.197,0.5670000000000001,0.236,0.1317,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,8,13,2,0,2,0,9,4,1,1,1,26,28,7,0,3,6,1,8,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,9,0,2,0,5,5,1,0,2,8,15,8,12,23,0,8,0,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,9,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915128673118406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361825527862814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825837553621825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627780500475462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451617505619291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868557028470461,0.34393704814901105,0.15408427136628114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483595417856886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375697687966593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819464075469302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920077962815904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184838558524075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398319402322214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076015595230867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536937882684688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028064662330144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416698969327767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282797277275124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211460197834442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283962661480277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428920538162116,0.0,0.14480664574821714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vaporwavedj,2018/04/16,Dont Deserve to Live Nuff said. Im a piece of shit. Ive had such a good lucky life and deserved none of it. If i wasnt me id stab me in the neck and rotate the blade.,-3.0999999999999983,-1.683546238095234,0.3288571428571423,107.66614285714287,94.71428571428572,3.3600000000000003,13.16190476190476,3.1291,-1.8893295238095242,126,2,39,0,5,45,33,42,0.085,0.708,0.207,0.6336,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,4,3,2,0,0,4,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,4,2,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603675144088935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294683300763513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242995520835168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774515840131821,0.0,0.0,0.3468562566531653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37364992500197386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032112976474664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tyelaf,2018/04/16,I feel empty Every day i get closer to suicide. I don't have the courage yet..but what if someday i do?,-1.418840579710146,0.5359955217391317,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,93.78260869565216,3.066666666666667,20.71014492753623,3.1291,-0.4605246376811594,79,3,18,0,3,28,19,23,0.389,0.611,0.0,-0.8372,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819555188471809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990004333504919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299461954539158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094288253845167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6478309107652612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minibug,2018/04/16,"Why am i still alive? How have i gotten this far? On good days I can tolerate looking at myself, on bad days I break down crying. I would trade anything to not be trans. I can't come out to people at school, I can't come out to my family, I can't drive, I don't have a job, I'm pathetic. Everyone around me is so much more successful than me and I resent how lazy I am. I've never been to a doctor for my mental illnesses because no one is willing to take me seriously about them. Sometimes I just think attempting suicide would help them realize I actually have a problem and getting more sleep isn't a solution for once. I feel like such a waste of space. Every day I spend from dawn to dusk thinking about how much better it would be if I wasn't here and I didn't have to deal with life. The only person who cares about me in the world is my boyfriend and I love him and I can't abandon him by killing myself. Why can't I cry anymore? ",1.771835648832397,3.3295830502512587,3.6215252734259558,89.94749926101095,77.79396984924621,6.89340821755838,23.2636712976648,7.724431198458867,0.9559923736328696,733,23,164,11,17,247,120,199,0.18600000000000005,0.67,0.14400000000000002,-0.8248,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,2,3,12,12,2,0,7,0,26,5,1,3,1,27,38,10,2,5,3,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,11,0,1,4,0,2,3,12,6,0,1,4,2,33,6,26,28,4,21,0,1,1,1,9,12,0,1,6,117,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.13524826662391948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374485301090199,0.0,0.0,0.11405148735365515,0.12337851348103185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572064160895384,0.08448593775405137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225755970671103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413063579249298,0.0,0.0,0.23877382738913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304479161763516,0.2681460143597125,0.14288487248816875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185737194800913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677186719765542,0.1324330106431795,0.0,0.0,0.1306545862051157,0.0,0.07007755755120812,0.09901195834703858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240992049309145,0.0,0.0,0.11624651433902325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092896990531657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753368334700974,0.0,0.1533343105141068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789341370655807,0.06771028559912147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163844974214299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508697242383898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967068623342002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376584963561886,0.0,0.10689264391474196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759864886232166,0.09391523888637164,0.10540738369436024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960839948924282,0.12101539582775435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261624549703524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402650613341185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869461910237374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707353183910112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068176892447154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159991860224034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420583659771786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761155441460408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25012000866481365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953607282163321,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chronicsadness_,2018/04/16,"I finally decided to do it after 3 years I'm made of 20 years of disappointment. And above all else, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of myself, my family, my religion, everything. Nothing really matters anymore. I used to think if i hold on longer things will get better, but no, it doesnt. Never did.",1.3895000000000015,3.4859042833333334,4.436666666666671,81.06500000000003,81.16666666666666,8.666666666666666,23.333333333333336,9.2995712137729,2.2768333333333337,227,8,46,7,6,82,44,60,0.17800000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.033,-0.754,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,11,11,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,8,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898001520349443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584416627638532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244109309284298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626252618350078,0.0,0.27547561924651315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32010878733047304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267101038542902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765022271116904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253753054568062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803895209099332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720131113250524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413559442615572,0.1872404726034144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238115040116915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763555671736535
suicidewatch,wanderlustgizmo,2018/04/16,you folks do an amazing job I'm about to hang myself but you guys are amazing ,-1.4190196078431399,0.42207376470588187,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,105.47058823529413,2.266666666666667,17.43137254901961,3.1291,-1.0945921568627457,62,2,14,0,3,20,15,17,0.0,0.648,0.35200000000000004,0.8225,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7063257782469453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7078869224557316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,comrade_toastboy,2018/04/16,"I have no reason to want to die, but i just want to I’m a 19F college student. I get decent grades, I have friends, good family. But I feel no will to live. The last two/ three months have been tough, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, so now I’m just depressed and psychotic. I feel like no one cares about me and all I wanna do is hard drugs and OD and waste away. Because that’s all I am. A waste. I dread going home this summer and seeing my parents. I hate living and I barely do it. I’ll skip class to just lay in bed cuz I’m too delusional, depressed, or hallucinating to do anything. If this is what life is I might as well end it because it won’t get better and I’m just a burden to those around me. ",0.3773647058823569,2.5622206266666687,2.325843137254904,94.1031176470588,86.06666666666666,5.3960784313725485,18.823529411764707,6.794906146795322,0.07529411764705962,554,15,125,7,17,184,94,150,0.26,0.602,0.138,-0.9698,1,2,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,1,1,4,0,14,3,0,2,2,27,28,14,2,4,8,1,3,1,1,3,3,0,2,0,8,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,6,1,3,1,4,15,6,14,24,2,9,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,3,6,83,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925673492309767,0.15064502310046596,0.0,0.0,0.15899129216001254,0.0,0.0,0.20631446571254566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966466308225626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725349005531375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915043514570823,0.17175855333280682,0.17562754493777616,0.0,0.19394508876320585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624583554359912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988202227101974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952909953058764,0.0,0.1711292343905405,0.12089348729837895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074185648657324,0.0,0.17682485933114578,0.0,0.09617376204752316,0.14193686034840325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159124920086242,0.16707342758723148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974522801794922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379399496434517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952774557844816,0.08267418086364753,0.0,0.2988553591790825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951966617367585,0.0,0.0,0.13507279000783912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467039869708208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790295817527186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399020851025032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484942651183318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530702344605086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996251150821448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215248236827406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LionessLiona,2018/04/16,"Advice after my husband attempt and potential hospital release My husband of 7 years made an attempt almost two weeks ago after a (what seems to me like a) rapid 2 week spiral but he said he was hiding if for a few months.  He's currently physically well, staying in a mental health ward, starting to seem like his old self again and he says he's feeling better.  When I had a family conference it didn't seem like they wanted him to stay much longer and are forced on moving to outpatient care.  He's been given more and more privileges I think the end of inpatient is near. 

Although he has a history of suicidal depression,  the last bout of it was well before my time so this is new to me.  He hasn't wanted anyone to be told about this so I've been dealing on my own although some people at work know because it's impacted my work a bit. 

I have an awkward problem I dunno how to work through.   

We have a trip to Hawaii booked a week from today.  First week was to be a romantic getaway for us and the second week he was to come home and I had to stay for work.  At one point a source of excitement, now this whole thing is awkward and overwhelming and I don't know how to handle it. 

For the record, the work part in two weeks is not optional.  Getting outta it jeopardizes my job (I'm the only bread winner right now).  The romantic getaway is optional. 

If he's out,  should I actually be thinking of traveling with him?  Would it help his recovery to be in a calm beautiful place?  Or make him worse because he's not really around outpatient resources or routine?  How do I handle him alone for a week when he was suppose to fly home and be alone?

If he remains an inpatient,  what do I do?  He wants me to go without him (but this also was said when he still planned to not be alive at that point) but I wouldn't want the optional part away from him because it would probably just be sad for me but he struggles with the guilt (lost monitary investments when he's not even working and its already tight and taking away this from me).   What if he's released while I'm away?  No one else knows about this to step up. It feels like I'm abandoning him in an institution.  

Any advice? ",3.2604750982962014,4.871467924311927,4.424249017038008,85.53044954128441,73.88532110091742,7.918636959370905,26.90668414154653,8.591530228387361,1.8996232765399743,1709,63,347,32,35,560,212,436,0.115,0.758,0.126,0.8119,2,2,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,1,12,21,21,0,5,26,0,36,2,0,5,0,65,66,34,1,13,16,2,3,4,0,4,1,3,2,1,20,17,1,2,10,2,1,6,10,10,2,6,17,6,33,11,56,38,10,59,0,5,0,0,39,20,0,15,34,233,53,8,0.0,0.0,0.07347309035548877,0.0,0.0,0.14714685787809095,0.06674086985016638,0.0,0.0753929942574578,0.15595740132460156,0.08308541746615826,0.06021013240594793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120041669083709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052645171381423134,0.0,0.0,0.06702489351767074,0.0,0.0,0.2122149316573491,0.0,0.0,0.13768996291018926,0.0,0.06406703906270961,0.0,0.0,0.06658871232510875,0.08219819932113781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676412469294634,0.0,0.0,0.06485647259003305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762164653797528,0.06484797079329524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289591390946045,0.0,0.06668541964528517,0.0,0.0,0.049728951563612594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709775914858913,0.0,0.07613871654516688,0.05378785801473097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404242966616412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039336405292470934,0.0,0.04278957265073502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003074166451024,0.0,0.0,0.05046592573392954,0.0,0.151045890516387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747146340261554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413378425189425,0.061372159839090064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713338827931016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821889480401202,0.0,0.0,0.07124210184027424,0.05025728282826915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758755524621732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009650488999204,0.08002234708034442,0.055347499289107344,0.0,0.0,0.07271645284791574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900516952529088,0.0,0.1020381703174501,0.057262147749712625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630654881031403,0.0,0.052197253352444586,0.0,0.07866300076396725,0.0,0.14234853688348115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117636071654039,0.07204325520195701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048233300005021684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429804592015685,0.14323783862659573,0.05987437236336661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562611468615666,0.07854486409757426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329131032937453,0.24075035235192296,0.060127436838105924,0.0,0.0,0.07871043122333593,0.0,0.08235606115618224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660941200232252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001995077364645,0.09648678028510203,0.0,0.0,0.04390274886156448,0.0,0.07136700152436337,0.07194371358630691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709660387260926,0.0,0.09056572280452824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776341734557062,0.0,0.4227569182391232,0.0,0.13539118278579626,0.0,0.0,0.08405963858117055,0.0,0.07257777323668324,0.0,0.3288761782720606,0.0,0.0767278936328675,0.10696903806806876,0.0,0.0,0.04848489273453303
suicidewatch,willowweeping1,2018/04/16,"i don’t know, what to do. 

i’ve tried about a dozen times but never well enough to do the trick. i’m too much of a pussy to take enough pills or cut deep enough. 

i’m such a fucking pathetic waste of space and it gets proven to me every god damn day. 

i’m trying to work up the courage to just finally do the damn thing. i know it will be easy if i just try hard enough. ",0.557969018932873,1.7520498915662692,1.9716351118760755,102.04578313253012,80.20481927710844,5.7067125645438885,16.676419965576592,6.18269132825596,-0.8347748709122205,283,4,77,2,7,91,55,83,0.254,0.634,0.112,-0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,5,0,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,9,14,4,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,1,4,2,10,12,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,4,46,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674700872777115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7481943727281469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252249299437354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983054990964188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735592766363871,0.09457878730702042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621640370025566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897467652986253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307518377236868,0.0,0.13961866778271098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610927326823954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202658517003288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555791043687948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687149912928275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276441358502414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178932629910156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnderProffesional,2018/04/16,"reading all this is overwhelming I want to tell all of you that you are not alone, but copy pasting that on everyone's posts would seem insincere. I'm here to talk or just suffer with yous and I love you all",2.018255813953488,4.0091098372093015,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,78.53488372093022,7.090697674418602,22.377906976744185,8.07648339933343,0.9668186046511632,165,5,37,3,4,52,35,43,0.166,0.67,0.16399999999999998,-0.2801,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,12,7,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,6,3,3,0,2,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507188601887883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235757586678635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056270623535382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232609335068253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32431421666383964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387219332851915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082763026111105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272178204128354,0.2959778036676816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973292166908946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405532458741103,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hannahmac280,2018/04/16,"Advice So, 4 weeks ago i tried to kill myself (via OD), and i’m finding things harder than before.. I don’t know what to do, I’m either thinking about killing myself or sleeping... This has worked because I’ve been on school holidays, so I could sleep all day and night and be ok, but I start school again tomorrow and I don’t know how to cope, i’ll have to be awake for atleast 10 hours a day and i don’t know what to do. I can not stand being alive, i cant stand being awake. I used to have lots of hobbies ranging from sport to writing but nothing interests me anymore, I don’t have the energy to get out of bed to eat anymore, I don’t have the will to look after myself (shower, brush my hair etc) but I have to change to look normal for school again. Please Help.",5.965,4.2975494197530875,6.292685185185188,86.01458333333332,67.14814814814815,9.087654320987657,29.509259259259267,7.1686216300943375,1.4443185185185183,594,15,136,4,8,192,96,162,0.069,0.8490000000000001,0.083,0.2764,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,3,1,22,4,3,2,1,24,33,12,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,6,1,0,5,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,5,17,2,22,26,4,15,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,11,87,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240071971786664,0.12917636215017306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890399557033441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883256767685133,0.0,0.12400118635602747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415765856895694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634950268239296,0.0,0.0,0.187961054830452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491129885580271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252182293552006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318995036648898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613526385187715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767635203863873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350970671348873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224460987952887,0.0,0.24025983936968665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447444869185872,0.0,0.0,0.12389012838381708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675297962077396,0.1427794957590083,0.13982700515235866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599622180206632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424442416654106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29166035118633504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314485888510457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681317145515557,0.09337465409721092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989376650851399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585955531782606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689175269440975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608948810129684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AManFromTheProvince,2018/04/16,"It's goodbye, I guess. Any moment now, I'll fail an entrance exam at the most prestigious school in my country. I've done everything I could; I studied and everything. But it wasn't just good enough. It's really bad for me because my siblings passed that exam and have graduated from there. But me, I just failed and sucked. I don't know what will people say because I suck ass. If the result comes out, I'm gonna do it. I'm sorry.",1.4018601747815254,3.5374445168539346,3.2486891385767787,89.38429463171038,81.35955056179775,6.202746566791513,22.24843945068665,7.3871296695380915,0.8598828963795264,338,11,71,5,9,113,63,89,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,0,15,15,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,1,10,1,5,10,2,7,0,2,0,1,1,3,3,3,2,43,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333851768133374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282812312040525,0.31076536238061897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195709634294498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351429835637191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608478537968586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633764610406317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581694914975882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379528424727728,0.0,0.0,0.2807974862164363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008457708671074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767132986003409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329337271283906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270411108633696,0.0,0.2579690997910881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853360213554356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galacticalhaze,2018/04/16,"I am in a dream and can't wake up I don't know how to start this but, for thr past 8 years of my life (and maybe more) I have been dissociating most of the time, felt I was in a weird movie/dream, disconnecting from the world, from myself, from all the details of life. It's been a nightmare. I am 21yo and, up until recently, I thought that's what life was. Like yeah, I am late to everything because time speeds when you keep zoning out. Life is having breakdowns three times a day because you hate yourself so much. It's about obsessing over junkfood that you will throw up in the shower later on. 

*I have been dedicating my life to distract myself from the pain and avoid it*. I have been on medication but they didn't do anything. I have tried therapy but they can't seem to fully comprehend. I have had different diagnosis but I believe I have complex ptsd. 

I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm just *fucking* tired. I'm tired to have spend almost every single days in the last 8 years wanting to die. I'm tired of all the hatred towards myself. I'm tired of not being able to connect with others. I'm tired to be excluded. I'm tired of people telling me I shouldn't have problem because I am pretty. I am tired of being an object, of being used. I'm tired of not caring. I'm tired to be a disappointment to my family. I'm tired of letting people down and hurting the ones who try to love me. 

But most of all I am tired of watching my life from far away and being stuck in this parallel universe. I feel lonely and exhausted. 

I'm done. Show's over. You can go home. 

Edit; I can't English",0.8329514176753463,3.1340624907975467,2.7590996517990405,90.9742356159841,85.13496932515338,5.487514508373405,20.77400099485989,6.885778809224403,0.4614191013098989,1236,39,263,16,37,412,158,326,0.284,0.66,0.056,-0.9981,2,3,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,4,2,0,5,15,2,3,14,1,40,25,1,2,3,36,67,16,1,3,8,0,2,1,0,2,22,0,2,0,10,9,0,2,6,2,1,2,8,12,0,2,12,3,34,3,48,46,8,36,0,3,1,2,9,18,1,4,17,174,44,1,0.0585915079208973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058670931656994676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821581869888037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504865040618147,0.0,0.0,0.10715051820559224,0.0,0.0,0.06601256529081806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973794724465872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557335090893298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080873481577472,0.06121565521056764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995945514012895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936587245437137,0.0,0.05265826931706228,0.0,0.05523485915715419,0.0,0.029625626882638974,0.0,0.05625703597948643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054166904941889166,0.0,0.0,0.03329890419327584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784698383453439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058772059704209324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272342104771096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052078824357265324,0.0,0.0,0.032200360453016386,0.047759899059921236,0.06609377300122206,0.0,0.0,0.059913786545231586,0.2483094888076596,0.028624851198768893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288112346380881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058863044940467124,0.0,0.0,0.0590247800910399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307149994716597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03970312212734343,0.0,0.062345495436297735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055932224077808734,0.08123994846699373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960862758287727,0.0,0.05606416012431194,0.06849033731920247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785204553970254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333950826804423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04147137087524736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051211560448113695,0.0,0.06700449560809434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651511255424807,0.10249553834730156,0.8754501495488545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955957566139803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050604250693614065,0.0,0.0,0.03455878942537007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546202020602504
suicidewatch,ClicheDepressedCunt,2018/04/16,"The last note wrote, I see a future full of hope and then I see a future of needles. 

I choose the needles every fucking time.

I want to go out and be something. I want to be known. I want friends, I want a damn life.

But all that shit takes effort. 
And what’s the point making effort.

I could start now and change everything. That’ll take time.

I could get high right now and melt into the couch with the artificial happiness I’ve created.

I’ll take that any day of the week. ",0.3879251700680264,2.7157027244897947,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,88.08163265306123,4.899319727891157,17.35034013605442,6.42735559955562,-0.2981047619047623,369,9,83,4,12,118,59,98,0.065,0.748,0.18600000000000005,0.8231,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,3,0,9,0,5,3,1,1,1,21,21,7,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,9,3,8,15,2,18,0,0,2,1,2,6,3,1,11,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203547278259819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722488729048992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826135623520967,0.0,0.0,0.11413960108213347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491160818263361,0.0,0.1590611976639134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673687537984064,0.16361822911283072,0.09246648091196327,0.0,0.10058370034888664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840203702454844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699259651746772,0.0,0.17578437240389475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426502889864626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500855419069276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813774158506432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730644514563242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114278977826895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820655866988569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167083648680135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136250407727755,0.0,0.0,0.1252697060828734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992082963934766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640079638225464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175573946584856,0.0,0.14196534526119045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,expletive-expletive,2018/04/16,"Welp. Seriously, fuck it.",1.942499999999999,-2.665151749999996,5.8400000000000025,56.75500000000002,191.5,10.8,27.0,7.1686216300943375,5.0869,19,1,3,1,2,7,4,4,0.722,0.278,0.0,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,INeedAnAltToVentSrry,2018/04/16,"I don't know, just, don't know I don't really know if I can go foward.

My mom thinks I'm happy, and that she helped me to overcome my depression, but that's a lie that I have to make.

I just stopped caring, and my depression is getting worse, I feel like just, stop it. I don't try to take my life actively, is just that if I was in a situation of life or death, I would happily choose death and would hurt everyone that helps me to choose life. My mom refusing to accept I'm transgender doesn't help either, my dysphoria is getting worse and worse and she just says ""Other people had it worse"".

She isn't helping, she is actually making it worse, I just want to end this, a part of this just pleads, screams, begs to be killed. I'm at risk of getting expel only for my LGBT identity, off-topic but my sister screams and is annoying.

The only way to cope is escaping to my head and just ignore the reality, making stories in my head.

I just, don't know, my stories might help me, but the pain is getting too much, I told myself I can wait four years till I can have some form of hormonal therapy, but I don't think I will be able to survive, I don't think my dysphoria will leave me until then, I don't think it will leave me alive.

I planned lots of suicide plans, not doing them at last minute for fear of not succeeding, I planned a suicide in my birthday, Twentytwo of May, I'm still deciding in which way I'm going to commit it, I can by death by truck or overdose, I don't know, I want to make it look like an accident, people die all the time, right?

However I'm going to send a message to my classmates, ""I'm not going to go to class tomorrow, I'm sick"", if I'm dead by then, and they get the notice, they will know. They will know that their dear classmate killed himself, that their dear classmate was deeply troubled, that their dear classmate was screaming, but nobody was hearing, that their dear classmate wasn't joking about wanting to die, and I will make sure they know I was transgender and bi, yes, the student that had amazing grades, that was loved by the teachers, that went to a christian fundamentalist school, is transgender and bi, is fucking transgender and fucking bi, I don't care if they don't look at me at the same way, I just want to them to know the truth.

I will probably don't do it at last minute, as always.

I'm just tired

I'm always tired anyways",5.284095729013251,5.028472637113406,5.909274668630339,83.54735824742268,67.98969072164948,9.320324005891015,30.517304860088373,8.942964678507748,2.2062356406480106,1859,64,398,29,28,606,191,485,0.273,0.604,0.123,-0.9985,1,0,0,0,0,2,70.0,0,0,11,5,15,32,5,2,16,1,53,15,2,5,4,81,109,28,10,10,26,3,1,2,0,11,7,5,0,0,23,12,0,5,18,1,0,7,18,16,0,1,11,8,65,16,46,85,8,33,1,3,2,6,31,10,2,10,15,254,88,6,0.0707291586484737,0.0,0.06902145603711536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770465198059067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422618218687802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183784140695796,0.0,0.14681139996616868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264504103603143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758474212012157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958996735613101,0.03576278778610021,0.05052892507082375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077593491207082,0.1847653307772978,0.0,0.20098505407014144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529250458466118,0.0,0.0,0.14517704427219624,0.0,0.07971690223550411,0.0,0.2370413206769744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571702718844488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565026692957126,0.0,0.3498380627931279,0.1153074087871172,0.0,0.1497839330488737,0.0,0.0,0.14987428938942216,0.06910938849568601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878935934184165,0.0,0.0,0.060131401384283724,0.06383582713097001,0.0,0.2360613130938703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503246008977185,0.0,0.16567427154730907,0.0,0.0,0.05199406980792678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052561591099441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758542466023653,0.07526081157844461,0.0,0.0,0.07659278631010281,0.0,0.09806938595049272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625799575519211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531091015382747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040231502823939,0.0,0.05624666581782424,0.0,0.07158168460181916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950253775646336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648439746124995,0.11826548734440145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473243950890295,0.0,0.06666139498097635,0.0,0.053179524951251264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088495702182785,0.0,0.0,0.1812815557747524,0.0,0.0,0.041242741196751864,0.16258552637372525,0.0,0.06758474212012157,0.0,0.04802045593840463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687156120072508,0.1684245418914395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556663867225322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603952761193337,0.10048792997035234,0.0,0.0,0.045547259223060924
suicidewatch,meekfawn,2018/04/16,"I don't know what to do I don't have anywhere to go and no one will help me or even offer me a word of support and I'm reaching my breaking point. I'm facing a summer stuck at home with abusive family and I have no friends whatsoever in this city and I can't do anything on my own without being questioned or treated like a failure for it anyway. I'm singlehandedly responsible for my mother's deteriorating mental health and I keep having nightmares where she hurts herself because I'm such a fuckup and I don't know what I'm supposed to do to fix anything because she won't talk to me about it.

I just. Can't escape. I physically can't escape and start to heal. Even if I had the ability to, I couldn't, because I'd be abandoning my mother when she can't be left alone, and I'd be abandoning my younger brother and I don't want him to become the next target.

I'd been doing a lot better with suicidal urges lately but this is just taking me back to square one and I don't even know if I can make myself fear death any more. Because no matter what I do it's not going to stop hurting and I don't think that I can ever come back from this. I'm honestly just... lower than I've been in years. And I know no one would miss me anyway.",2.310840123121494,3.6569971254752884,4.4144378055404685,85.71953105196451,75.84410646387832,6.682527611805179,24.69110990403766,7.2636822038024595,1.0202357052326625,976,32,208,11,21,337,134,263,0.177,0.727,0.096,-0.9658,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,15,12,0,1,7,0,32,3,1,1,1,43,54,18,2,5,10,3,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,10,15,0,4,6,0,0,3,18,6,0,3,4,1,33,6,23,42,3,21,0,5,1,0,13,7,0,6,11,147,43,0,0.0,0.155478973298244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359084812247471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923681481512577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597232976494216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180630063683105,0.0,0.3199717115926518,0.14492659005632438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605695763012865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130378502391137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26001662848341384,0.1186996140016798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237063015657769,0.14766347409121308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138333115016723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491552380797463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948496779931793,0.0,0.0,0.08795667614163187,0.0,0.1316283639055694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809559961867061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663791398111208,0.0,0.0,0.2884690980667865,0.0,0.14802637934218704,0.0,0.14257525189164394,0.0,0.0,0.06410941439345998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156194587498502,0.0,0.0,0.0875930340164646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224292030564744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395582048098797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667623204223484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404908832849995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470009037082931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288101735251804,0.0,0.0,0.10970913361619476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353774936391545,0.14891143170224885,0.0,0.0,0.09866411139088374,0.10547287455727856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408303585105656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739931071860591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649524610558802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932177593267584,0.0,0.0,0.08450394887229623
suicidewatch,marshforpres,2018/04/16,"I'm here. I don't know if this type of post is allowed here but...

If you have come to this subreddit, you're probably contemplating suicide, but more than that, you are here to find others. These others may be like you, also suicidal, or they just may be someone who is here to listen.

With acknowledging these two people here on this subreddit, it is safe to say; you are not alone.

I know it sounds cliché (and even saying that sounds cliché) but I am not shitting you when I say it.

If I feel alone and isolated, and come to a place like this to write what I believe to be my last words or a call for help, I subconsciously, even if not consciously, know I must not be alone.

I have a therapist, friends, family, a lot of people who like and do tell me these same words.

It's hard to believe them in knowing that they've never been through what _I've_ been through, so how could they know?

They might not know. They might not even know what to do after you tell them. But here is a fact;

They do not want you dead.

Tell them what you need. Forget about feeling like a ""burden,"" _tell them what you need._

Live on, and do whatever you can to live on, no matter how painful it is, no matter the amount of depression you may suffer, and then tell your story of survival, because let me tell you, even if they cannot relate to the extent you are suffering,

Someone does. 

And that someone needs to know that they too, are not alone.

And when they know they are not alone anymore, and that you've helped them realize that, all of that pain, all of that suffering, it doesn't compare to the amount of comfort you are able to bring that person, even if it is just one person. 

If you are feeling suicidal tonight, please remember the amount of power you have to impact someone else's life, and please remember that there are people, including people you might've not even met yet, that want you to live on.
",5.631287272727274,5.60650244266667,5.469460606060609,86.20906363636368,67.24000000000001,8.95151515151515,27.97878787878788,8.575989854853784,1.6782533333333336,1476,41,315,20,22,458,148,375,0.133,0.731,0.135,-0.7274,2,5,0,0,0,1,58.0,0,19,14,2,24,15,1,0,10,0,40,4,1,3,5,84,63,30,4,14,25,0,4,4,1,6,3,6,0,2,35,13,0,1,18,0,0,3,16,8,0,2,3,10,45,7,36,48,9,18,0,4,0,0,53,6,1,15,12,233,80,1,0.06931553103954209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589499284328377,0.0,0.05543160512931021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874238115241905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225410435820603,0.0,0.0,0.15618973400012212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077890713234294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941838474799628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055342811278980025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970136531531501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060658488321824036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057904231808862325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746935271276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653445137397963,0.0,0.10514404557680172,0.04951902922454685,0.0,0.0,0.06335313961341732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053553007336541135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062093100853611714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292147869423828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428460279143108,0.05650140921791572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087982675884166,0.048959609477017225,0.13545626881283054,0.0,0.18362065148194132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892958574297174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059847377124214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541897639157474,0.05346041070463795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696999773243688,0.0,0.14751322426876853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221864633411415,0.12104729615811925,0.07241997687758138,0.15217527603621292,0.0,0.0,0.06638511815336844,0.0,0.07473386609973981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704196882514948,0.0,0.0,0.16536747721303258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711513965211436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349232980496153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274598217739767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635089760055708,0.0,0.0,0.08048067403099651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771120188504651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176819222120997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thearl,2018/04/16,"I don't know anymore Two years ago was the last time I posted here and for a few months after my post I managed to keep my life together. However, I didn't keep it together. I was removed from university almost a year ago. My family doesn't know and thinks i'm graduating soon. This is the second time I have done this to my family. I thought I could fix it and I end up getting stuck inside my head without actually doing anything to make the situation better. I have suffered from major depression and have been off and on medication during that time. Sense I started high school, I have felt like a colossal disappointment. I have no interests, hobbies or passions left at this point. Everything I once was has been slowly eroded away. For the last few years I have toyed with the idea of suicide and currently would rather die then tell my family that I lied to them about school again. I can't bring myself to tell my family what I did and want to just fade away at this point. I haven't gotten out of bed in 3 days and have just been looking at a knife beside me just trying to figure out which path is best. I can count the list of people on one hand that would even notice I was gone. I hate what I am now and every time I have tried to change it in recent years it has completely blown up in my face and left me in a worse place than I was before I tried. I just don't know how to fix what I have done at this point. I don't know what i'm looking for here other than for someone to say something. ",5.2311974110032375,5.043636925566343,5.9600161812297765,82.90792071197416,68.09385113268608,9.196763754045307,27.19902912621359,8.841846274778883,1.7462699029126214,1186,31,253,18,18,389,158,309,0.108,0.828,0.064,-0.9313,2,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,2,13,9,1,0,11,0,37,6,3,2,0,38,59,13,2,5,7,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,18,13,0,2,9,1,0,3,9,4,0,3,17,5,41,5,42,39,4,53,0,3,2,1,4,24,0,2,25,180,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.09001249196784862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352958565507086,0.0,0.09236458215105564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147684492573507,0.0,0.0,0.07590528770241894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332418112846915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848906056808025,0.0,0.09679971364485797,0.08157838338244701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975772099930732,0.0,0.09671140989504094,0.0,0.0,0.07364577252417921,0.0,0.0,0.05948687690240991,0.0,0.0794457865038844,0.0,0.09573008683804972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878616253787495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169686032194276,0.0,0.0,0.060923350733331674,0.0,0.07771579644290039,0.0,0.08289895702872073,0.0,0.3478209424761866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856443002610284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819135615912019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106745605834694,0.09466438613262566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745614550284082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412722090749786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397349470429146,0.0,0.0,0.20276977060763332,0.150375083390049,0.0,0.0,0.2004370749874979,0.0,0.06515151975639775,0.045063583369827534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491597638672885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157061374467593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292163931432801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362472624376379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050153353979778,0.0,0.09823210697500637,0.06250390409382928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394728771306794,0.0,0.09637069422525676,0.0,0.2615885585633764,0.0,0.17667997694835705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910754246088646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335258984427484,0.0,0.18670269160365302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368111529520732,0.0,0.0,0.07815426867989232,0.07101050954761776,0.0,0.0,0.06528762598347143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008950931212697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124285906169442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059103377123482535,0.0,0.07322789690642725,0.21514248605294065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787379255475609,0.0,0.09010463429888874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440527455029904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891563154486601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399997844003144,0.13104865513787708,0.0,0.0,0.2375969758023456
suicidewatch,Kalmiya1965,2018/04/16,"Help me kill myself. I can’t live like this anymore.
I can’t do it myself, i’m scared.
Someone please push me over the edge and help me kill myself",-0.5034375000000004,1.6315005312500013,1.1737500000000018,100.89625,90.5625,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.4858375,115,2,27,0,4,37,22,32,0.289,0.471,0.24,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909279766057972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932575119822152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6491046600022778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331776679698624,0.0,0.259036631663142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322014195642146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936981617223165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485575805397094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lecriminale,2018/04/16,"Its not that I want to kill myself, I just dont want to exist anymore I cant be the only one who feels like this, I just dont want to participate in the game of life anymore. If its suicide, so be it - but I am scared",-0.8870000000000005,0.643976300000002,2.2340000000000018,96.85700000000001,86.0,4.800000000000002,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.5905999999999993,165,4,43,1,5,59,34,50,0.258,0.7070000000000001,0.035,-0.8415,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,10,3,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,6,1,5,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608530220820288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5446196101620108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748199181171964,0.16598926227257732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570583342478868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641140706008649,0.11351336285532472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744483271669332,0.17671091603080755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326206076651497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541507012836627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41113412712358577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3poinnt141592653,2018/04/16,"Don't want to hurt anyone. I've been struggling with thoughts of suicide for about 2 to 3 years now. It started off as a flicker of depression when I was about 17, but it slowly turned from flickers to lasting hours and eventually weeks and months on end. 

When I was 19, I decided it was time. I spent months rationalizing my decision-- one day I sat for a while, put on my favorite song one last time, and didn't say a single goodbye. This was my only attempt at suicide, and was cut short by images flashing in my head of my younger siblings walking into the bathroom and seeing my body sprawled out and lifeless. 

At 20 now, I feel I can no longer shoulder the pain in fear of hurting my loved ones. I wish I could just be an island; secluded with no relations. I feel as though there's an immense weight on my shoulders to not commit suicide and I simply just want to let go. I find nothing but pain and suffering in my life. The small fleeting moments of happiness completely overshadowed by a baseless depression I can do nothing about. My behavior has been self destructive for quite some time now. I'm failing in school, I almost never seem to leave my room, my personal hygiene has gone out the window. I just don't care anymore. I just want everything to end. I don't want help, I just want everything to stop existing. 

The only problem is my family. It would completely destroy my mother, and knowing the dynamic of my family it would completely tear them apart. I love them very much but cannot bear to ruin their lives because I don't see the point in mine. I wish I could get some uncurable disease like cancer so I would have some type of excuse to part ways with life. 

There was really no point to any of this, but I just needed to get it out so I could soldier on just a little bit longer. For them.",4.100270774976657,5.579727579831932,4.903361344537816,83.45814192343606,71.52100840336134,8.09000933706816,29.74883286647993,8.626192665926032,2.2879124183006536,1434,59,278,25,27,464,188,357,0.238,0.66,0.102,-0.9953,1,0,0,0,0,5,36.0,0,0,4,3,20,21,3,2,14,0,29,12,4,0,2,58,56,21,3,15,12,1,3,1,0,3,5,2,2,2,8,16,1,1,8,1,1,4,11,15,0,3,13,7,45,6,51,35,7,51,0,7,2,2,12,23,0,5,24,192,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583154941176059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058289382699077574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500660266545099,0.05993417124785765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225128661456212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935789707793983,0.09521043951894953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873925200414947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26961276596840106,0.0,0.0,0.2053102157612302,0.0,0.0,0.05527931481192937,0.0,0.14765302437491518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518367309244281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154070873503383,0.0,0.16160962197482726,0.09645360796225,0.0866805208581841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834228428581423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956547349776547,0.0,0.04871401322433063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124559238992316,0.0,0.0,0.08796868612027366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745319762006323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441236151966237,0.0,0.1835201269482291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710691906952327,0.13973891398309216,0.0,0.0907601877300372,0.0,0.08764976087932362,0.12108658442425788,0.04187619423593245,0.08590930688102584,0.07568823143269582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154722914170469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368343618592711,0.0,0.06301065061599515,0.06355685181171232,0.0661089682218705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449239538475338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424883459821308,0.13038078437949344,0.1824143684448658,0.0,0.0,0.09282137974041972,0.0,0.0,0.07484334435132026,0.0,0.0,0.16205743779698398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201802142961283,0.0,0.08616760946304519,0.0,0.09116883407334464,0.0,0.0,0.0549114531588427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816429299060632,0.0,0.08674851835241314,0.13660808533505886,0.07803204261819223,0.08941981214871421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606697715192644,0.0,0.0,0.0716618773113658,0.0,0.0896083029106973,0.0,0.28127606823835355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842149039681977,0.06804841970014247,0.14994394354555315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323369564609288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072414713292688,0.2527856945851524,0.06803686140544303,0.06875568986289382,0.1043782141101096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713686288131296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826691929448021,0.0,0.0,0.055197880220234516
suicidewatch,KoolaidCheesecake,2018/04/16,"My friends are suicidal and I don’t know what to do Two people I know are suicidal, one has cuts on his arms and constantly talks about ending it. The other has tried to end her life on a few occasions. What should I do to help them prevent it?

Sorry if this isn’t where to post this, if it is not please tell me where I should post it.",1.6437500000000007,3.048049208333336,3.0205555555555565,94.78000000000002,77.75,7.022222222222222,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.42598333333333294,261,6,63,4,6,85,47,72,0.185,0.727,0.08800000000000001,-0.8206,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,11,2,1,0,0,10,13,4,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,9,1,7,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,3,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317850402298086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37994493460543854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657126897552859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437666056146386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357536964391295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149902833316636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453424382524045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486987869092629,0.0,0.0,0.235443120381096,0.0,0.0,0.4108399149196189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401014557089307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692295322844157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239711440552385,0.18747173177882467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456230907466919,0.0,0.20952334796850933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,olrubberbiscuit,2018/04/16,I hate myself and can’t take this much longer There’s no fucking point to anything anymore. ,2.6950000000000003,5.411099611111113,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,80.66666666666667,3.6,25.66666666666667,3.1291,0.24813333333333398,75,3,14,0,2,22,18,18,0.312,0.688,0.0,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232804712397264,0.0,0.0,0.3512279634737164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39457863049530456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42138615237849947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137541914341211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034730626076956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32090772877692186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yet_Another_Voice,2018/04/16,"Don't mind me, just here to lash-out./ An obvious cry for help. TL;DR: I'm suicidal for no good reason and try to be casually funny about it. Now I'm tired of laughing at my misery, but can't take myself serious either. No real emergency, just thought I might reach out to anyone who's up to encourage.

Hey, hello everyone! 
For the sake of simplicity, y'all can call me immature. Or Rome, that works too.
I've been lurking this subreddit for a while now, without even having a reddit account, so as a result, this is my first ever reddit post. And what a wonderful place to start! So much support, hope & acceptance in this community! 
Just fucking kidding, this is where I go to have my suicidal fantasies confirmed. r/SuicideMeme just isn't doing it for me anymore, so here I am. The next level. Stopping to pretend like I'm thinking all of this ironically and admitting that I might actually wan't to clock out early. The real good stuff.
Now, as you may have been able to tell by the fact that I manage to talk a lot, yet convey pretty much nothing at all, the way to get through to me is covered by multiple layers of comedic exploitation of my own crippling insecurity, soul sapping references, puns and (father forgive me for I have sinned), dare I say, memes.
Seeing as though I'm 20 y/o, this sort of black-humoring myself has been accumulating within my psyche & self-image for approximately 4 to 6 years, like plaque, clogging a chain-smoking diabetic's arteries. By now this layer should be about as thick as the earth's crust, I wouldn't know though, since I'm not one to go ""once more into the fray"".
And here we are, quoting Shakespeare again. See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. This isn't funny. This isn't fun.
This is forced and cringy and edgy and [insert negative adjective here], etc. Worst of all, I know how bad that makes me look. I've known since the beginning.
Somewhere down the line, probably when I realized that deep down I'm a sad strange little man, someone told me to laugh it off. So I did. AND THEN I NEVER STOPPED. And damn, was I good at it. So good in fact, that I built my whole personality around it. Then that personality started attracting all kinds of people. Suddenly this cynical and disrespectful persona had more friends than the sad strange little man. IRL! So you do what all 16 y/o males gaining status through questionable means do: Try to get laid.
Turns out you need to be somewhat attractive for casual hookups. Turns out you need to be somewhat like-able for non- casual hookups. So you eventually pry open Pandora's box and see how the strange sad little man is with the ladies. And gosh, what a nice guy he is! Kind, forthcoming, understanding, sooo respectful and most importantly, empathetic! So naturally, he becomes the designated shoulder to cry on.

Be funny and casual -> Be attentive, deep and open -> Establish trust -> Develop feelings -> Get ""friend-zoned"" -> Change Target -> Repeat

This goes on for some years and...Yada yada yada.
'Couple half-assed suicide attempts, 3 years of professional dead-end therapy and a metric fuckton of mj later, here we are.

Reading what I've written up to this point, you, the reader, should have a pretty good idea of what kind of a pathetic, bitter, beta-male virgin ( Shout-out to my lads over at r/virgin, y'all are the saddest bunch of self-loathing crybabies I've ever seen. Thanks for making me feel right at home.) I am.
I don't like my humor, but these days, that's all I have. That's all I am. Just one big, overused joke, you've heard a million times before, that has been going on for far too long.
Time to deliver the punchline.

Why should I keep going with this farce?
Would you keep going, if you were me?
Do you really think I haven't tried to change yet?
Will I ever stop wasting everyone's precious time and effort and finally grow the balls to take my worthless life?
Find out next time, on ""r/SuicideWatch: The self-pity party continues""!

...ᴺᵒ, ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ. ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʰᵉˡᵖ ᵐᵉ.",3.9638219261053926,6.0589807244094525,4.870188976377953,81.02584070260451,73.12073490813648,8.153797698364627,27.471108419139924,8.885622748486812,2.2802953119321616,3160,120,588,66,65,1026,389,762,0.14,0.682,0.17800000000000002,0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,3,175.0,2,11,0,5,42,47,4,1,31,0,56,6,1,6,15,110,107,44,3,9,12,1,3,3,1,9,3,2,1,8,39,32,0,5,21,10,1,6,14,13,0,4,13,11,54,34,91,79,22,88,2,4,5,2,40,40,2,14,43,366,93,5,0.06563232198750804,0.0,0.06404767868354024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222518690514094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508962748059725,0.04589164556116166,0.0,0.0,0.058426681429190525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480024739564833,0.0,0.07248574316554669,0.05584827196243973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701793888275676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886058825490494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262091593246227,0.14418804769372506,0.04232741805541554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813075657568554,0.0,0.07319738813686924,0.04334952967957825,0.1781045782771419,0.0,0.1254289925408645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637134805501888,0.0,0.0,0.07189700065476097,0.059986753266816274,0.055826819554287116,0.0,0.0,0.10141473831906944,0.06067602409230442,0.1028705380928412,0.0,0.1865018054147728,0.2752463888934812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498631746659657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439919619582554,0.0,0.0658345702859091,0.06518770477386206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409090273020727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667404681106792,0.0,0.2050378907285149,0.0721396154616608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635804999813318,0.12825854922583693,0.19734248658339612,0.0,0.058082539630217686,0.05511462054682442,0.0,0.0,0.05579825311973451,0.0,0.0,0.08762016913998834,0.0,0.0,0.0714928394188973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925104367781194,0.06626993553552434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649461682514897,0.09733107025920996,0.05061969282107369,0.0,0.1396014380323476,0.0,0.0,0.0629759830605266,0.0,0.0,0.06989628090942777,0.08894831991315823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550118818611757,0.1146152240056388,0.06857180734929137,0.0,0.06204375851943586,0.0,0.06285762201453986,0.1335433334139368,0.07076274378438112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352322128852577,0.0,0.06565008302594305,0.1494079023313584,0.04204574607685123,0.0674809580509493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056049644368417084,0.0,0.05219345673298017,0.0,0.0,0.15690138953601213,0.0,0.2054064771315813,0.0,0.0,0.10858346994753618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055610053435080506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290979062093112,0.0,0.0,0.16461468000718568,0.0,0.0,0.0751333062802361,0.2153733230922593,0.07447878121322032,0.0,0.0,0.09869467618270784,0.10550554861077667,0.05736554227877355,0.06042542410554385,0.07505628010629407,0.0,0.0,0.08410908362517114,0.1289668462384534,0.05210473245657394,0.15308293900827238,0.07543469922004427,0.0,0.06271449627043225,0.0,0.13368011523226256,0.14277823905342332,0.0,0.06832556183714858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052095882260557294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059222962139076775,0.0732761436337098,0.0,0.06326721630108588,0.07117545350803911,0.047781112084088063,0.0,0.0,0.046623318456613966,0.0,0.0,0.12679519055925906
suicidewatch,DankD1zzle,2018/04/16,"here's the real question: if I want to paint a Picasso on the wall with my trusty .357 magnum, should I do it? 

(in other words, should I shoot myself in the head)",1.4143137254901958,3.0327161176470585,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,79.0,5.7098039215686285,17.215686274509807,6.42735559955562,-0.3409490196078431,124,2,28,1,3,41,28,34,0.073,0.79,0.13699999999999998,0.2732,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,4,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162760760555477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635329252046566,0.0,0.0,0.5725828573198133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967128696340079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imsoIoneIy,2018/04/16,"Today is my last day I have lost everything. The love of my life just called me a pedophile and blocked me on everything and said she will never speak to me again because I commented on an old friends FB post 3 years ago and she said I was into teen girls or something. I have nothing left. This has pushed me over the edge. I'm not going to make it past the night let alone another hour. 

Goodbye everyone. I hope you get some help and get better before you do what I'm about to. ",1.9584848484848507,3.8409985858585887,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,78.2929292929293,6.420202020202023,23.12121212121212,7.3871296695380915,0.7720787878787876,376,12,83,5,9,120,74,99,0.061,0.787,0.152,0.8859999999999999,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,1,1,13,19,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,3,15,4,9,13,1,19,0,1,0,1,13,5,0,3,11,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782042910944202,0.0,0.0,0.1843942404039608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668893931640265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853064536184916,0.0,0.15149768978659794,0.0,0.0,0.15746062609892186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179726172772934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482013363528353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701234607131727,0.3200191309380281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755213926748153,0.0,0.18603558439732304,0.0,0.10118340879148444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933548472794048,0.0,0.0,0.17683244850212654,0.17533210502214647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451251777647353,0.0,0.0,0.19343940154469186,0.18205647612500367,0.12575389051342764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435010476887074,0.0,0.16068673917119505,0.0,0.11884211218161485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373143026745297,0.0,0.0,0.16707711508901954,0.0,0.1708327869504401,0.0,0.1868215050888273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995793797396658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051171300495124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387108559943648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706277115779694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875972444043824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465098662735206
suicidewatch,PM_PELFIES_PLEASE,2018/04/16,"Ever go to /r/watchpeopledie and think, ""Lucky bastards?"" I'm talking about the people that go quickly like a dump tips over on them. Not the Brazilian videos.",3.867471264367815,6.685381724137932,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,76.58620689655173,5.2459770114942526,26.90804597701149,6.42735559955562,1.1640252873563228,126,5,22,1,3,37,27,29,0.084,0.7440000000000001,0.172,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,3,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588585633426779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5765912453543355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478285547323443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516800642088769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077277933716821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32504082980051385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silversleague,2018/04/16,My life depends on how I do on my upcoming exams if I fail its game over. I have nothing else,-0.03142857142857025,1.5408489523809552,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,83.28571428571429,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.007742857142857,72,3,17,1,2,26,17,21,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,13,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740824397477922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854023821686101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594041854267086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SRR304,2018/04/16,"Long Hair Don't Care.. I've opened up about not wanting to be around anymore. Single dad that tries his best, which is pretty damn good but under appreciated. Told my dad about it and he just said wait until I'm gone, not don't do it.. so I'm really considering some action in the next few days.. Do other people go through this?",0.8242164179104492,3.2204417761194044,2.646399253731346,91.00601679104479,86.46268656716421,5.141044776119403,15.83768656716418,6.6274283507984215,-0.3247,257,5,55,3,8,85,56,67,0.026,0.815,0.159,0.85,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,10,15,4,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,2,2,3,9,11,4,12,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,4,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28838316454653384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25886261662082505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051636484704451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964773405478728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753394724134045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526129560408584,0.2438988445056613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573378775052093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30925591398580426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159550987830516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958355315943697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628598409134892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766055995017464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277860015450239,0.0,0.1974256941789841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151406189813082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unique616,2018/04/16,"I am ready for the suicidal ideation to stop. I am a 30 year old man. I had the urge to hold a stuffed animal from my childhood. I desperately want to feel loved, but I feel pathetic doing this.",1.2325000000000017,3.2899092500000013,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,81.5,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.8980000000000001,150,6,34,4,4,51,30,40,0.263,0.611,0.126,-0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274742975500457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38151633374542937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435677520990444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35340824399189474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623810459274461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24932796008524624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722142742081652
suicidewatch,Throwaway2828393883,2018/04/16,"Can somebody tell me what’s wrong with me please? Well I’m fucked in the head. I just want to tell you not to get angry with this. Alright, well I’ve been depressed for awhile now but it’s evolved into something worse. I basically have these mood swings where I feel really depressed hopeless and feel the only way out is death, then I get really happy and optimistic about life and feel I can do anything. Then I get really angry and hate myself and feel like killing and raping people. I take pleasure out of people’s misery and death it gives me pleasure. Like reading about how somebody got killed or raped. I also self harm often. Sometimes cause I’m depressed or others because it gives me pleasure. I also get really anxious over little things and feel everyone’s gonna leave me. I’ve got hardly any friends though. I know I’m sick and need help but can somebody give me a serious professional answer on what might be wrong with me. I’m consider going to get help soon. Thanks for reading.",3.123455140441777,5.597966870466323,3.717692937005726,86.5009026452141,77.18652849740933,6.135696754840468,24.147532042541584,7.273561745256523,1.1498248704663203,798,27,147,10,19,251,112,193,0.322,0.471,0.207,-0.9912,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,0,13,26,6,0,3,1,9,6,1,2,0,34,37,19,4,2,6,0,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,9,15,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,14,2,0,3,6,19,11,17,31,0,14,0,4,0,3,10,8,1,4,6,84,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916955182831736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719276905638923,0.0,0.0,0.11949076385465927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704025876471873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447682581543185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865562594585333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330039939408585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010684190345517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674041735178275,0.07556259611595148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171816627939305,0.09778329083387392,0.27630407823214603,0.3043946273480238,0.06011191587692795,0.0,0.16918895292741634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259485743096227,0.09474975529331853,0.10442665037300908,0.10855123423139873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179171674046415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340391760656835,0.0,0.05812880050116925,0.0,0.0,0.11199587980317036,0.0,0.0,0.07470896047115343,0.10334842475671867,0.10601000998411116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220597844507536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842762023966922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044336961621461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665614579232994,0.0,0.0,0.11610444612934563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159860942859451,0.0,0.2710376283525409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034188870584616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142743823421686,0.104609908716696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952638928885199,0.0,0.1848964756146455,0.09737943293851978,0.0,0.0,0.07026934102885607,0.0,0.1039191577094586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238628847029173,0.08395584388624129,0.0,0.0,0.1902010907313364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778936085947516,0.0,0.2312872724833097,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alright4,2018/04/16,I should have died I took MOOORE than enough Xanax and alcohol to kill myself few nights ago..I was pretty confident that that that would be the end of everything for me. A huge fear of mine is to fuck myself up even more and have to live thru it. Anyway I just slept for like 62 hours and woke up. Kind of feels trippy to still be here. I am really trying to feel and be normal/improve right now. I feel so flat and lifeless. I just want to feel okay,2.032340425531917,3.636743457446812,2.926542553191492,95.00875,77.19148936170212,6.402127659574468,17.069148936170212,7.1686216300943375,-0.21486808510638333,351,5,81,4,8,111,66,94,0.14400000000000002,0.718,0.138,-0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,2,1,10,4,1,0,0,14,19,6,2,3,2,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,4,10,3,15,10,3,10,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,6,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166330009593212,0.21901413990093524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269109713458156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815123690812132,0.21175355571195945,0.0,0.13535822160600905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418316230695214,0.0,0.0,0.23060985021302094,0.4144869715877485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894599266927408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201820569053212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267311969279383,0.2134091915644901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001213234451461,0.0,0.1809621442094086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923184486878529,0.2007936587923169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084934744605132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312871779031441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501412909059294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366206534080427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227691312773754,0.13913801599597475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087649678608578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558057534430174,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boobytrvp,2018/04/16,"I want to kill my self. I’m doing everything right regarding my mental health. 

Background - I’m BPD 2, social anxiety, gad, panic attacks, and OCD & PTSD features. I’m a 22 year old female. I have a great job, good boyfriend(he struggles from the same illness) and supportive family(although they don’t believe in mental illness.) 

I’ve tried countless amounts of medication, and I’ve finally or so I thought found my level. 6mg xanax ER, 800mg Wellbutrin, 600 trileptol per day. I finally started feeling okay. Not happy, but okay. 

The last 2 days I’ve felt very depressed, typically around 6-8pm, but today I feel suicidal. In my right mind, I don’t want to die, but right now I can’t stop fantasizing about killing myself. I want to die, rid myself of the earth, no longer be a burden on people’s lives. I’m not religious, there’s no ‘heaven’ to look forward to, I feel like there’s nothing but hope and despair and I’m going into darkness no longer conscious. Which is what I want, to be unconscious, to feel nothing, to not exist. 

I fantasize about slitting my throat/wrists, jumping off of a freeway bridge, crashing my car off the freeway, hanging myself, putting a gun to my mouth, taking all these fucking pills. 

I feel hopeless, I need help. ",3.0629430379746836,5.615561670886077,3.8950052742616026,84.72579905063293,77.86075949367087,6.312869198312237,29.284282700421944,7.492282038375204,1.9943700421940929,984,46,177,14,24,314,146,237,0.271,0.629,0.099,-0.9949,1,0,0,1,0,5,51.0,0,0,1,0,7,19,4,2,9,2,8,8,1,0,1,34,33,11,5,6,8,0,6,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,9,0,0,6,9,10,1,0,3,7,24,9,22,28,3,28,1,3,1,1,4,12,1,2,13,88,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004597891884405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475761947760174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863074635049886,0.0,0.12604493223941726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482765272349094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954200861984845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290679298480413,0.0,0.09542728713133712,0.0,0.22997475097954376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957510553289467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801055714112778,0.0791517345594724,0.1063802583578288,0.2427402913011767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148063722213395,0.0,0.10242788731818868,0.0,0.0,0.06296716436331544,0.09292931278236327,0.0,0.1221515150825328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794298669227173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776955347603105,0.0,0.0,0.07426333201251607,0.0,0.0,0.11004410686090664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994661431817487,0.0,0.2451557740557569,0.0,0.0,0.09031244381575447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054128679425802184,0.0,0.09783372367708884,0.0,0.09303961865343864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161397407941034,0.22330993684093056,0.0,0.1118710329353506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215284411106867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126209484940164,0.0,0.11626036875049595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999367348496205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681107399656488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295130404966301,0.11137924528754724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28385412904737023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155830044832494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294121361098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842103785508442,0.0,0.0,0.0926293053801362,0.0,0.11582664544003325,0.0,0.12119138654327055,0.12572847881559387,0.0,0.0,0.08330380345594908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795859228823823,0.0,0.0,0.10502039250967793,0.0,0.0,0.07522230834188373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091417206307077,0.2613982684011453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134813509058538
suicidewatch,Scifimonk,2018/04/16,"Is anyone here on disability for mental illness and do they find it makes them any more or less suicidal? I've been on disability for ten years now, thanks to a diagnosis of  bi-polar disorder. 
For awhile, it was great, a dream come true even. It allowed me to finish school, something I could not have done otherwise. 
However, since graduating five years ago I have not gotten a job. 
Facing the void of nothingness, being so incredibly poor, feeling like such a complete loser, failure, being outside the fabric of humanity (basically one step above homelessness, contributing nothing to society. Even fast food workers make some contribution to the web of life) ...I find it difficult to feel life is worth living.  
My friends most all have careers,  houses and families now.  I had never been one to compare myself with others, but now that the gap between me and them is SO large, it can't help but emphasize to me the misfortune of my current state. When we were all students, we were all poor, just getting by, but now they've become thriving adults while I have languished.

Although I had relationships in the past, even lived with someone for 2 yrs another person 4 yrs, few if anyone is interested in getting with someone in their mid -30's, on disability and little prospect of getting off. So it's hard to feel any hopefulness there.

I've tried looking for work, but with nothing to list for work experience and no references, it's a been difficult.  I get discouraged easily and have only had one interview. 

I spend a lot of time reading. This allows an escape into other worlds while requiring no physical activity.  
I have hobbies (went to art school) but have an increasingly hard time indulging in them. I've always been somewhat low energy, but have become increasingly more so, where doing anything at all physical is daunting. I used to sometimes spend 12 hrs a day making art, now I haven't touched my tools in months.  At some points in my life, I had many friends. But since I tend to be fairly introverted and isolate myself when given the chance I no longer have many social interactions.  When you have no obligations, there is nothing to stop you from giving in to those tendencies. 

I feel if I had something like a job which made me get up and interact with people, it would help.  But I can't bring myself to get a shitty job and decent jobs seem to be out of reach. 
I'd like to volunteer somewhere, but my motivation to actually go through the steps to do it is so low.  I suspect it would help, but it's so much easier to just sit down with a book. 

The more time passes, the less energy I have, the less I do, the less motivation I feel for anything, including life.

I am on meds, which help enormously. I've been to therapy before, which helped and have considered getting a therapist again (fortunately healthcare is pretty good on disability) . 
But without any sense of direction,  structure or community in my life, it's hard to find a reason to live. 
I have a few close friends, who live out of state. I've been open with them about my thoughts and they have been helpful and supportive. My family too. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't be, so I could feel more justified in taking my life.  They are the main reason I've stayed alive this far, because I know they will be hurt. Yet, it's hard to have my only motivation for life being not wanting to hurt those close to me. It's not much of a reason to wake up each day.

So I'm curious if other people here are in the same boat and how they carry on living, how to they find life worthwhile, while having nothing to do or look forward to? How do you find a sense of meaning or motivation? A sense of self. Or do you find being on government funds increases your desire toward suicide, as it does mine? ",5.850114428750224,6.825068862745103,6.4481262292150925,75.89042821383875,66.95518207282913,9.774074736277493,31.71810000595984,9.898777417752306,3.1057453125931223,2984,118,544,66,47,975,320,714,0.112,0.745,0.14300000000000002,0.9713,7,0,2,0,0,1,96.0,2,5,12,9,34,21,0,0,32,0,67,12,2,17,6,115,106,51,2,12,26,0,11,3,3,4,9,0,0,4,27,30,1,3,25,5,6,11,15,8,0,5,21,13,64,13,92,71,27,82,0,6,2,0,39,40,0,15,32,390,91,21,0.0,0.0,0.055560008728841606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046913493776448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737419251160292,0.0,0.0,0.1161525499131557,0.05970094824171247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796200668117051,0.0,0.0937047370895586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034706836222397064,0.1257597029517116,0.048447196549549584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904416250615652,0.05969490079072942,0.0,0.0,0.09091537574022963,0.0,0.0,0.07343628262463747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525204530467907,0.0,0.04982389880605469,0.05826391764731598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281440468540407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569301586141463,0.1073458482126763,0.0,0.17272722851528652,0.040674127715942664,0.0,0.0,0.3122234501194219,0.0,0.06884560880395398,0.0,0.13196271579368107,0.0,0.20822204532102784,0.05461690741718103,0.03235727554776301,0.04775408596794017,0.0,0.06277065629471093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400906511687156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897258798180395,0.0,0.0,0.05654895728765433,0.0,0.06569494575140691,0.12189944788327164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259954330806389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03128979650104943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217170352449046,0.08344618721170842,0.057063479908042065,0.251371709913585,0.0,0.09562153887882628,0.0,0.0,0.0484038062597775,0.0,0.053872945604376124,0.11401296961035876,0.11544560446142653,0.0,0.06201852844331756,0.06324156485221727,0.0,0.05737673938454521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045444697100744634,0.0,0.08370704236731846,0.0,0.04391151455912029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852134162979064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574118373303938,0.08660273886434068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435056889500718,0.07894263975699857,0.04971314321691382,0.0,0.0,0.05382165030433631,0.0,0.0,0.0579230108152517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695006065704542,0.0,0.0,0.17561491823300993,0.0,0.061126510478587026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524181753464136,0.0,0.051831170076756215,0.059395260411023325,0.0,0.0,0.09419386716420418,0.0,0.0,0.05803770912127083,0.09648109401530734,0.08766215541981356,0.11261965591988896,0.0,0.0,0.06068476505446312,0.0,0.047599919549960484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455453975248973,0.06460876989416091,0.0,0.0,0.042807773700084574,0.0,0.0,0.05241777937551945,0.06510973798854901,0.06610552075562941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045199755082539504,0.09959716264145577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865489232313536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491732602994184,0.0,0.0,0.033581533660787116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277899404197271,0.0,0.0,0.06547204152014174,0.05488297409350452,0.0,0.08289821142722957,0.0,0.0,0.08088948838305814,0.0,0.0,0.07332810013881122
suicidewatch,anothersadthrowawayx,2018/04/16,"directionless with nobody to talk to. My name is Saomi. I have spent all of my 27 years floating through life with no direction. I have never been someone who had friends, lovers, or an exciting life. I want to live so badly. I want to go out late at night dancing. I want to talk to everyone I see and learn about them. I want to create lifelong friendships. I want to see the world. Lose my virginity. Become an artist. Fall in love with life. However, I know that while these are fun thoughts, I know they are pure fantasy. These things will never happen to someone like me. If I haven't done that stuff by now, I will never be able to shed my shyness, my inhibition, and my lack of action to accomplish a life well lived. Instead of continuing to enable my fantasy life I've decided to kill myself to end the pain and dissatisfaction. Just posting a bit of my swan song here. stay cool everyone.",2.178430127041743,4.724350787356323,3.511464004839688,86.19835753176045,81.35632183908045,6.881548699334544,24.10042347247429,8.032893268588372,1.5389011494252869,703,26,139,14,19,229,110,174,0.13699999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.192,0.7103,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,3,7,12,1,0,6,1,12,9,0,0,5,27,26,7,1,7,3,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,5,1,4,5,4,1,0,5,4,24,8,27,18,3,20,0,1,2,3,9,4,0,2,11,94,31,2,0.1263761986886744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055188471676974,0.0,0.13957258257796956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379700778195373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932672813752616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193180159510507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415157471600892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976379376171547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718225060554153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117540551365893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981653965743648,0.0,0.1389061075523524,0.0,0.14255785668058407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463162326101043,0.061741027170921066,0.0,0.2231849975227808,0.0,0.0,0.14138264055293032,0.0,0.0,0.11405945337274875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924073458226842,0.0,0.0,0.1185955015108399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447318558925975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103346473585118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014109367465438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415628608529647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470021291384515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467051225789884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031528029212632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395873094259768,0.0,0.0,0.10032858540042988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726997814049213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362737979244175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138212854907638
suicidewatch,questionforyourquest,2018/04/16,"An overwhelming fear of becoming homeless... I've struggled with being suicidal since 2014, but it has recently dwindled away after I began attending therapy.     
    
But one of my greatest fears and ""convincer"" that I should do it is that my chances of becoming homeless are a lot higher than most. My family has always been poor, each parent (separated) making less than 30k a year. Me? I suffer dysthymia, chronic depression, that halves my energy and motivation in life, making it impossible to get out of bed sometimes. Worse, I also have General Anxiety Disorder, meaning I often get panic attacks. I've worked only one seasonal job in my whole life, and I panicked throughout it, fucking up transactions and speaking.    
    
Moreover, I don't drive. I *can't* drive. My anxiety is too extreme to - even as passenger in a friend's car, I still have some mild anxiety. I also can't take the bus because I am a woman and my neighborhood is actually pretty dangerous (gangs) and there have been cases of kidnappings around the area.    
    
From every angle I look at, I not only lack the skills to succeed in life, I also lack the possibilities to learn them due to my disorders. Therapy is working *very* slowly because I'm stilll dealing with a lot of trauma from my abusive childhood, and I've already graduated. I don't know how I'm going to *live*. Housing here is starting to skyrocket because of gentrification. My mom is nearing the age of retirement and expects me to take care of her too, and I don't think I can. I'm freaking out. I know people say baby steps, but I have been taking baby steps *forever*. My disorders are still pretty fucking bad.     
     
",4.390638950208487,6.8061833741721856,6.042420897718912,71.66349399067946,72.87417218543047,9.109835663478046,32.7083639931322,9.633347757342033,3.7987391219033615,1297,65,206,35,27,442,171,302,0.2,0.6859999999999999,0.114,-0.9866,2,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,1,5,13,18,4,5,11,0,27,6,0,4,0,38,48,17,1,4,4,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,1,7,15,0,0,6,0,1,8,6,14,0,2,4,3,34,4,36,42,10,31,0,3,1,2,10,12,2,5,11,152,41,7,0.0,0.11369616474914955,0.0936425050311986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589355348264233,0.2302160260092521,0.079845884874994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022597140622333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542418589005435,0.0,0.10916763910369442,0.09015698903852366,0.0,0.08012206762111299,0.17548782802219134,0.2119591750579487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783697538778943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892989925010368,0.0826496667268675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329933262460098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338026037098553,0.0,0.08084990983259682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046195601221788,0.2159619441980963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413797297950891,0.17742578679270504,0.1002696228697368,0.0,0.054535922646541515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072423184946292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522487020550036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547352289214776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333682747361,0.0,0.0,0.08473388377300442,0.0,0.08058170472265631,0.0,0.0,0.16316245353134526,0.0,0.0,0.12810725225603606,0.0,0.0,0.10452788785769483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123864570356682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300491081985952,0.14596285341492035,0.0,0.11258764775893093,0.10655152688151356,0.0,0.0,0.06652614632135034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817977407558177,0.0,0.1952503592345086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474830349325784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631074435754373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937858435984399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949062728513896,0.0,0.06792053759400389,0.0,0.15326655730371871,0.0,0.0,0.1003175709117076,0.0,0.10496397842875506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644851697100295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194758102695439,0.0,0.0,0.06148689108200039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917653180250618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713521223447434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971913176863826,0.0,0.09779079838326568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179468959129545
suicidewatch,CalicoJack_17,2018/04/16,"Apathy I've lived a good life so far. I graduated from a decent college with good grades. I enlisted in the Marine Corps because I felt like it was something that I had to do. I don't think I'm being a narcissist when I say that I think I'm well liked, even respected, by my peers. 

I just feel so damn empty. 

It's not that bad when I'm actually doing my job, which I guess is a good thing because that's when I've got the best access to a means of killing myself (my rifle). But in the quite moments when I'm by myself I realize that there is no point to my existence. I'm just going through the motions. I don't care. The only thing stopping me is that I don't have a convenient means of ending it.

Seeking help would just completely fuck up my career and give me an actual reason to kill myself. I could talk to the chaplain, but what's he going to do? He'll listen to me bitch about my shitty little life and tell me everything is going to be okay. Reddit can do that just fine.

I was hoping the infantry life would offer me a meaningful death but we literally aren't fighting anyone right now, at least not in the conventional sense. We're not even doing any direct action shit in Afghanistan anymore.

I don't know why I wrote this.",3.2269202302631577,4.374260664062504,4.829580592105263,84.43499177631581,73.21875,7.733223684210527,24.41118421052632,8.20500826718156,1.3499484375000002,974,28,202,15,19,329,142,256,0.14800000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.128,-0.8766,1,0,1,1,2,3,24.0,1,0,0,2,16,20,7,0,16,1,24,5,1,1,0,31,48,11,3,4,10,0,2,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,15,4,0,1,10,0,0,5,9,8,1,0,6,4,31,12,22,36,2,23,2,0,0,1,12,10,4,2,10,134,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.2428152797213917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460406007482353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338273945691106,0.08699138659550003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387837368722186,0.15168014437714028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305621532732496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684577659453994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044305036184525,0.0,0.0,0.0993324285597154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019162761607368,0.0,0.0,0.16434519394443944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181299950417066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062906173083549,0.0,0.11945451336818358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150163914226378,0.0,0.11934681037168245,0.21211770191120435,0.31305129374805624,0.09950321096958233,0.0,0.13705325112096006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339038016636016,0.0,0.0,0.12356865302854945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234591785411885,0.0,0.2752856981294937,0.0,0.06837328560284897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636264836369734,0.12156231165226845,0.1246929684925927,0.10985759983336173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710411080993222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462052267041622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760904446123922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232690342103978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791570312773626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624670835337637,0.0,0.09893698769992963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770657739508198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577802126132752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401355259542606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999972201360529,0.10874110101330982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530689372106788,0.1594356820367043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186084510969282,0.0,0.11226199304413607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767566654291815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stuggo,2018/04/16,"Realized I have BPd , more hopeless than ever This is even worse than depression, it’s depression, anxiety, and anger that drives everyone you love away. I went on that sub and it seems that a lot of the people on there are still hopeless, some of them are in their 40s and still struggle with their mental illness everyday. This isn’t the life I want, I’m going to end up driving everyone I love away anyway. I just want to be normal, I just want to feel connected to everyone else. I feel like everyone is part of some huge fun social exchange that I’ll never be able to join because I’ll always ruin it. I just want to die now, I know I won’t go through with pills or slitting wrists cuz I’ve tried pills before and I’m very sensitive to pain. I just need to figure out how to acquire a gun, there’s no hope in my future.  I’ve tried talking to my bf but he just ignores my messages, I guess what is there to say. And I know it isn’t his responsibility to fix me, but I would rather die than talk to my mother about it and rather die than deal with this without any help for two more years. I have no more friends, I pushed all of them away all I have is my bf who I constantly feel anger at because he has friends and is happy and it isn’t fucking fair. So I’m shooting myself.",2.9383707865168565,4.07089994382023,4.112380149812733,89.35666011235955,73.90636704119851,7.287565543071163,25.335018726591763,7.7348632917899725,1.1348353558052433,1003,32,222,13,20,328,140,267,0.183,0.69,0.127,-0.9455,0,0,0,2,0,3,23.0,0,1,4,1,20,19,3,1,4,0,18,9,1,2,4,50,40,14,3,10,11,1,3,1,4,2,5,1,0,0,15,12,0,1,8,0,1,6,8,11,0,1,1,4,31,8,38,35,9,27,0,5,0,3,23,11,1,7,11,149,46,0,0.10471362885230028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713012763902511,0.0,0.0,0.07120885840290082,0.0,0.08010563945820373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951457038058411,0.0,0.0,0.1276649124631962,0.0,0.08910358563011561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188314986511732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315823259116485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079551533867083,0.1803793901842056,0.0,0.3260286437963109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747480034671931,0.0,0.09274519451145304,0.0,0.0,0.06916236427919015,0.09471947226529533,0.0,0.4002334390894133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883907112069487,0.07480743737485568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180297979579986,0.0968060625410159,0.0,0.0,0.11902233680657225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535386769971168,0.0,0.0,0.1114696050552902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018733815113301,0.0,0.0,0.1040042606556375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509574383849752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396233280828968,0.05115778976753641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902378265542195,0.18901627666445428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552670897476693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764382897240724,0.08076160596134678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259712346670724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142268395862244,0.0,0.0,0.11339465577840188,0.0,0.07259524557072113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832724805606621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095327354938276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674235771669176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724887853111128,0.0,0.0,0.10946942064275912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832969677943074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421873608151806,0.0,0.10228999990332864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639971030151619,0.2470512453346384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970705830270379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094020149905787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067121337360813,0.0743855575558899,0.0,0.0,0.06743214380970207
suicidewatch,PrincessPotatoHead,2018/04/17,"My brother committed suicide and I think I will too. I cant do this. It should have been me and not him. I'm literally trapped inside my mind and I'm not even going to think I'm just going to do it. He didnt deserve this, but I definitely do.",-0.5322222222222202,1.3823128148148172,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,87.51851851851852,5.822222222222222,21.962962962962962,7.1686216300943375,0.6610962962962965,188,7,45,3,6,68,34,54,0.097,0.8029999999999999,0.1,0.0387,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,12,16,4,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,2,12,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794450206606117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809002658400202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271973338992446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627885866822823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5421942241383445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10421066,2018/04/17,"So pointless to carry on I don't know what to do anymore, everything is just so shit. It's been this way for too long, my whole life as far as I can remember. 

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, he makes me happy and he's a really good person and I love him, and I thought he was enough to keep me going but I'm not sure any more. I just can't bear life anymore. I'm so worthless and useless and meaningless. I can't do it, I don't know what to do. It would kill my boyfriend if I went but I just can't do it anymore, everything else has become too much. 

What if he's not enough to keep me alive? I promised him that he was but everyday that feels less and less believable. What the fuck do I do.",0.22169811320754812,1.8210107924528318,2.1993459119496883,98.17411320754721,82.58490566037736,6.001006289308176,20.662893081761005,7.03164865440522,0.15455270440251526,552,16,141,7,15,184,80,159,0.179,0.738,0.083,-0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,3,0,4,0,19,5,1,1,1,28,32,17,1,3,10,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,6,1,19,5,11,25,7,9,0,2,0,2,9,2,2,2,4,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477229525024856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583855477762405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015725532618625,0.0,0.1735831558747022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870499281181666,0.0,0.0,0.31838920405266885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27693480871972925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790198406014953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424344329349362,0.0,0.0,0.08756104010764983,0.12922588091728396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640094594158766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738874529827076,0.1704546709524701,0.0,0.1693447349944147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176471732362892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634633645516467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390534098562668,0.0,0.1028423441698473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325854185712232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345272262081554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987006332298919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453029629607236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581497533381132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520833667373428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223136837276711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229290826207573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428236319627373,0.0,0.17201268742079834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944629324773124,0.0,0.0,0.09921547176916293
suicidewatch,spookyism,2018/04/17,"Help. I’ve been sat awake for a while now, feeling nothing. It’s currently midnight, almost 1am but it feels like 9pm, maybe 10. I feel like I have no sense of time anymore. There’s a weird feeling in my head and I’m sat here crying even though I am not upset and I don’t feel anything right now. 

No one seems to take my situation seriously. I have moderate to severe PTSD, depression and anxiety, caused by lots of occurances in my childhood and with my family. 

I’ve given up all hope at this point. At times like this I would usually be so upset that I’d try harming myself but I’m past that. I’m afraid of killing myself, but I can’t stand being here anymore. I can’t stand the pain it would cause. I’ve never felt this empty, nothingness before. It hurts.",1.0976470588235294,3.3538920955414007,3.0436118396403167,89.69047583364555,83.45859872611464,6.241888347695768,21.337204945672536,7.5105763829236425,0.8469118771075301,597,19,126,10,17,200,100,157,0.256,0.612,0.132,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,3,3,0,11,2,1,2,2,25,26,10,1,3,4,0,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,5,6,14,4,13,17,2,19,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,4,13,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236775527085269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876350869775422,0.0,0.2819988521149381,0.0,0.0,0.11699793548254728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098047873069788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921058391747721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561725942833408,0.0,0.0,0.12245514489296218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390526634222594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340299649045755,0.0,0.3594398349110165,0.2031397394891795,0.13651032469391908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591259814020738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529692559855324,0.0,0.0,0.14121188451813133,0.0,0.0,0.15220131000606954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572956055641952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837861416395576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087212616537404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283392712381704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965414784566664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364207756387311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634147975627942,0.0,0.15128425586295793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357221534475946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440135825476066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619500162165718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141669867488306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943080746983876,0.0,0.1606173152359067,0.0,0.0,0.15981069047025873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068979285588767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396862449818474,0.0,0.1658068065129975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652751266533234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565857090610995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199412403264388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Glazedblue,2018/04/17,"My mom makes me suicidal. Every interaction with my mother tends to be a nail in my mood. I suffer from depression and eating disorder and i have autism and anxiety. I have loads of issues. But i take medication but she with her narcissistic attitude barges in and makes me want to die. She hates me for who i am and that hurts me and makes me feel like i am a burden. I am a burden. 

She called me an immoral person today because I’m dating someone who she views as mentally ill (he’s TRANS!) and as ugly cause i chopped off my hair. 

I am 22. And every action i take is scrutinized and if it’s not to her liking or for her i am judged and insulted. And i want to DIE! ",1.0866598150051416,3.131144906474824,3.64761048304214,86.59491007194248,81.94964028776978,7.136896197327852,20.71993833504625,8.192908349453996,1.1046974306269275,518,15,111,11,14,181,80,139,0.35,0.613,0.037000000000000005,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,4,0,9,4,1,4,0,25,20,17,3,3,5,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,13,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,3,29,2,15,19,0,6,0,3,1,0,16,3,0,2,4,77,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341900180112742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631539365437014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780865430351919,0.0,0.0,0.17916151266910846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021438157565425,0.0,0.3620087716510485,0.0,0.19988272163058665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784593926767394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938867072770165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818417970434615,0.12459464388972502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218838399697642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867036756810057,0.0,0.0,0.18203303631609105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704105052103829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349249170052754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569423375165802,0.17575876392719567,0.0,0.0,0.20426049867668453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228332415651227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777240749795514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077026843316036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622610302609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531511885024805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573664207169173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thr0wmeaway90,2018/04/17,"The carousel never stops turning. I’m so frustrated that I’m feeling like this again. I’m taking my meds. I’m seeing a therapist. I’m doing well at work. 

I’m crushed over something as stupid as a guy, and I just don’t want to feel anything anymore.  I hate that I feel this way, and I hate that this is “today’s” trigger. It’s always something, isn’t it?

I deleted my social media. I feel like I’m closing tabs and tidying things up, and I’m scared because I know that that means that I’m suicidal again. ",1.4214150943396255,3.3187086886792483,3.12701886792453,91.52316981132078,80.0377358490566,5.372075471698114,25.69433962264151,6.2581,0.811376603773585,395,16,84,3,10,131,60,106,0.236,0.659,0.105,-0.9585,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,4,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,17,25,7,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,9,3,6,25,0,10,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,7,44,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777869644653374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613299018630713,0.0,0.0,0.14615092272621408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082642414110382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592026701677276,0.2537571303823141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585343256113015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506894746367508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760515364710214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735342685655899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934601267692541,0.1972752572576435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697724513088952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781010970445946,0.0,0.14152542155098533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104238919922244,0.0,0.2734526620682905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848282765622242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426724283071176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335342442750306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062090595590325,0.11799056179843513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683454796234208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317946001082315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475398114386993,0.1409718241463433,0.0,0.0,0.15968510036866387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929602567331056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3214685432,2018/04/17,"Need some folk to talk to, in need of help (long story) Hello /r/SuicideWatch,  
first off, thanks for the service all the people here provide for others in help.

I'm a 33 year old male from Germany, let me start from the beginning and sorry for typo's or if I get lost in thoughts, I'm pretty confused right now.

With 19 I became a father of a beautiful daughter but also fell ill, I was diagnosed with epilepsy, hard times to say the least, I had to adapt to a new lifestyle, a lifestyle where I couldn't do everything anymore, I always had to be careful. Due to me going through a rough time back then, the relationship with the mother of my daughter ended and because I was a ""burden"" now.  
Skip ahead 2 years later. The mother of my daughter and I went along pretty well for some time, after all, we had a kid together and I did the best I could to provide, that wasn't enough for her, a fight ensued (not physical) and she managed to lie her way through the services, ensuring I wouldn't see my daughter. This was the time when I first tried to kill myself. I thought I lost it all, that I couldn't be a dad anymore. I was a wreck for 2 more years until I finally managed to calm her down to speak with me in a reasonable way and from then on, I was able to see my daughter again. So all went well, right? Unfortunately no...  

During the time I couldn't see my daughter I started suffering from social anxiety, it started slow, became worth and worth until I couldn't leave the house anymore and thankfully I have parents that help me out. I tried to get help several times, psychotherapists and through medication, all of that helped for a while before it all came back. Back then I was also diagnosed with PTSD due to a traumatic childhood event.  
I also had trouble trusting women from that point on, I got unlucky and the fact that I always try to make my SO happy got exploited over and over again.  
So I fought my way through the years of being at home, trying medication and therapies, always having to worry about the next seizure as well but I was managing it pretty good I would say in a way. Like some people called me: The happiest Mf in town.
I was never the most sociable person, I'm more happy alone but everyone needs someone to talk to so here I am.  
Current situation: A couple of months ago it started slowly. I just got rid of some SSRI's and the change messed with me pretty good, without me realizing it. I have a gf at the moment, too. I tried to put my trust into a woman again, hoping she wouldn't hurt me, but I hurt her. She had to endure me treating her like she was a nuisance, me saying that I didn't love her, me trying to isolate myself. I really didn't knew what was going on but after I began to feel better after getting rid of those pills I realized the damage I had caused.  
She was still with me, but of course it wasn't the same. I felt ashamed for what I did and still do and I can't explain why other than it messed with me...I really fucking love her like no-one before.  
I gave my best to hopefully make it better, we talked about it, all wen't fine for some time but then she became snappy towards me.  
I felt like I deserved it for doing what I did and it was clear that was the cause because she always brought it up again and yelled at me, isolated herself with her new friends, I had to beg to have some time with her but talking about problems was now a no-go, she would simply go.  Don't get me wrong, she always told me how much she loves me but the acting totally different part, messed with me, it was clear she needed time but the less I heard from her, the more it hurt me.  
I became severely depressed, crying for attention, she is the only one that would be there for me and now I was mostly a nobody. I wouldn't be able to take it forever, since I always talk about things, I told her that as well, she realized she was treating me bad now and wanted to change, nothing happened, I felt worse and worse..cut myself, the suicidal thoughts returned.  
Now, before anyone thinks I just blame her, no, I don't. I always admit my mistakes, after all, nobody is perfect but at least be honest about it.  
I told her I'm scared of my thoughts, what I might do, because if you look back at my history, I felt like there wasn't much to live for anymore. Where would a guy like me end up, someone who couldn't leave the house, epilepsy, ptsd and all that crap. Nothing changed, when I wanted to talk, she simply stopped responding or seemed really cold.  
We always try to set-up the time to talk (mostly via Skype, it's a long-distance relationship) , so for example after she's done working, etc, she would message me on her breaks, that all stopped, despite promising it to me. Now she simply turns off data so I can't message to ask if we talk later for example, she stays away for days, not answering a message that again, we talked about beforehand, she would send me to let me know if she stays overnight for example, just so I don't have to wait here all night for her to return and then she wouldn't.  
After countless of times of me just trying to talk to her, trying to get her attention, wanting to know how she feels about all of it, and letting her know how I feel, I'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore.  
I'm just shaking, drinking, crying, begging, I can't deal with it anymore, I'm a wreck. I've sent her an sms since she turned data of again, letting her know...my phone is still on, if she cares, she can call...otherwise I wish her the best and that I loved her with all my heart.   
I'm broken
I don't really want to die, but it would make it all end, the health issues, me not being able to spend time away with my daughter (she has to be driven to me and since she's now at an age where she spends more time with her friends than parents and growing up, I lose a part of some kind, too), the worrying about my future, I wouldn't get hurt anymore. But I also don't want to hurt my family, despite me not wanting that, I find myself planning my suicide, choosing a perfect place, a way and what I'd do beforehand as preparations. I can't help it, I try to stay strong but I fear the worst if my gf doesn't want to be with me anymore, that this would be the final nail in my coffin.  
If I'd just be getting a chance to make it all better again...I don't want to sound selfish as well but oh well...everybody wants to be happy in some way...I can't forgive myself for what I did. If you guys knew how much I love her and would like to turn back time, but obviously...that's not possible.
Thanks for listening.",4.560643500643501,4.881588933933934,5.326567996568,85.11702702702705,69.57057057057057,8.174688974688975,27.869154869154873,7.997320157305952,1.5887091806091802,5108,160,1072,61,84,1663,427,1332,0.14300000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.168,0.9923,4,1,1,0,1,5,191.0,5,2,0,18,69,82,5,5,66,0,101,16,2,11,22,209,206,83,5,46,38,13,9,7,4,15,7,8,1,7,55,53,1,3,31,1,4,15,37,32,5,3,62,22,196,50,173,107,46,162,0,11,4,6,136,43,2,26,102,769,251,6,0.09729400949642132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02874842301132112,0.0,0.0,0.03358908383342595,0.0,0.10374131232390756,0.21588375989765252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02480988365311585,0.0,0.2573053699739019,0.022676744546098773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030318921717765717,0.0,0.060940616429887726,0.12468847950325355,0.027078811318673388,0.059309525138671326,0.0,0.08279003603905012,0.0,0.10210406040312146,0.08604864488576752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623204121215938,0.03709280914801067,0.06613181799161462,0.06663183241413309,0.10292416132193848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02589378323242859,0.03588465698205125,0.07124860057139651,0.02091552906420317,0.03343528387506324,0.02793306260431967,0.06583424774403802,0.03365860703806435,0.033883843983144736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03318851715780985,0.0,0.03177036303007565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617361402184404,0.033510240045975456,0.03616951303280762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030989531839002923,0.029147194060478495,0.0,0.030573377736041907,0.03649427000940946,0.049194774559281715,0.0,0.12455667580629025,0.0710538878064777,0.029641654016710213,0.055172156516658785,0.0,0.0,0.050112740259139615,0.029982248001553087,0.11860824336603015,0.0,0.07372590365085993,0.054403732721722296,0.07781490737120332,0.0,0.0,0.06422424396255988,0.02867892375976155,0.10357128228369572,0.02905210733924937,0.0,0.0,0.03447299414056657,0.0,0.03843128990188354,0.13042824739150194,0.0,0.03253127479785135,0.06442326966607707,0.0,0.0748428160100695,0.17359208241414395,0.0,0.0,0.033849889379006494,0.0,0.0,0.035880468733670644,0.03377224629498737,0.08911707193511181,0.0,0.0,0.068680205273835,0.0,0.13265295544121575,0.0,0.11091018990264234,0.0,0.02863746429807517,0.057401424493602936,0.027234154618182467,0.03628236992756528,0.0708052697070737,0.0,0.1463527369704435,0.0,0.0865926757856354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534231914580461,0.0,0.03440452294362499,0.0,0.0,0.025886383380349542,0.0,0.07152229177208211,0.09618970031157133,0.025013046036356196,0.06264477376599419,0.03449109429197215,0.03043461234514506,0.0,0.06223748409717542,0.0,0.034031232117489936,0.0,0.021976312941177325,0.024665492819335864,0.0,0.0,0.0720223223840209,0.0702399540350753,0.0,0.04496761048437056,0.02831779209579478,0.033883843983144736,0.0,0.0613161914514478,0.0365614590045536,0.0,0.1319773139808798,0.0,0.031032409081693392,0.0758209937014997,0.032602450776548025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310537845187305,0.0333448153522401,0.0,0.06963823662170388,0.0,0.0553923683363384,0.0,0.07737210144715218,0.032469425527701934,0.0,0.07753072887077396,0.029524270712699464,0.0,0.07327635806145996,0.0,0.08048261006399207,0.03645418104439194,0.0,0.03305966338602373,0.054957932343548836,0.0,0.0,0.03630422601778798,0.0918202675881142,0.10370246874330234,0.07769912166363767,0.05422809898424353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094923662156184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02438432891747619,0.2606707980054863,0.0,0.08957525208187883,0.03708805970538796,0.0,0.021545938898826958,0.020780690908462872,0.0,0.10298743425844936,0.2647536236569545,0.0,0.0,0.09296859551700876,0.0,0.22018748633851412,0.10582794365396732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215958280555996,0.15445491214977375,0.0,0.0,0.1749579981561837,0.060128347700101774,0.02926423681847002,0.0,0.0372944364383668,0.031262651069908234,0.0,0.023610399226485064,0.06587119293814997,0.03305030257887518,0.20734461853425765,0.035458575304949426,0.0,0.08353886960838948
suicidewatch,Delayandrelay,2018/04/17,"I keep struggling and then I’m slammed down again I can’t keep doing this I’m 33/F
   My parents are dead. My brother died in 2007, dad died 5/2013 and mom died 12/4/16 and I was her full time caregiver. Long story short my siblings from her side did absolutely nothing. They made life hell for me. They criticized  my care for her and made thing so hard. I no longer associate with them. At one point I was suicidal. 
My other sister is severely mentally and I love her dearly but I can’t rely on her for emotional support.
My damn dog died 3 mths after my mom
My best friend dropped me...when I wouldn’t give her mone for a vacation . 

I tried to change my life, tried to be positive move to a new city. Got a promotion. I thought something good was finally happening 
But now in the past 3 days I totaled my car and my new dog as of today may have cancer and I have to wait 3 days to know. This whole 14 mths has meant nothing 

I tried to talk to a friend and his advice was I wouldn’t blow money on a sick animal.

 Everything I try doesn’t work out, everybody around me leaves me or dies. I thought I was doing better but it’s all lies. I’ve cried for the past 4 hrs so hard my face hurts. I’m so scared if my boy dies I’ll have to join him. I don’t want to be alone...I wish I had one person to be with me. 
I don’t want to go to work tomorrow
I have no one else to talk to ",0.061891891891892925,2.0567943108108118,2.129662162162159,96.269222972973,85.62162162162161,5.9972972972972975,19.385135135135137,7.292943589461545,0.2693364864864862,1060,30,256,17,32,354,163,296,0.196,0.6559999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9284,1,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,5,6,14,2,2,7,0,27,6,1,2,2,34,49,18,8,6,5,6,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,5,12,0,3,4,0,1,3,9,5,0,3,13,2,49,9,33,30,5,31,1,1,0,1,25,12,2,3,15,150,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716612682652577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940774887270692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361088394743,0.07889098316396577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094630391980488,0.0,0.09436276758098444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798304474630706,0.11505445461413005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554589602703912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745159398951537,0.10033905210854108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016805374290265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771527037032338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378328509414286,0.0,0.0,0.08556967034556806,0.050694950205690335,0.07481751690402587,0.07134214089573107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888009722275914,0.0,0.15981304393725815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549145185943857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857178916389625,0.0,0.0,0.04902250417299263,0.0,0.0,0.09445091654520657,0.0,0.0,0.12601052472718374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078940025481938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050733157039129,0.16880817365580228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989356788617149,0.0,0.0,0.20894212719727284,0.0,0.0948064831984445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723016486445884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711814166253058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181334597760958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990470883679302,0.0,0.1703047822871364,0.0,0.07788682073154425,0.0,0.0,0.084323721202635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930570281670712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077167289184444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867124207307017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325219076397777,0.0,0.09757135116837233,0.10122417036627884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339267443959294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926114136401711,0.0,0.0,0.14163116606256748,0.052013785825732205,0.0,0.08455206174032402,0.0,0.0,0.24224633358084366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052260518195582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995896646821867,0.10257667954241402,0.0,0.0,0.12987869433694427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SenterioGE,2018/04/17,"I could need someone to talk to My depression is coming back and hit me hard today.
I'm feeling lonely and lost.
",2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,76.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,1.1638869565217385,89,3,17,1,2,30,20,23,0.361,0.584,0.055,-0.8126,0,2,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,5,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757736216285024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089383953144166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863465176621988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308897897715078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134021148089616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212728589202075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39150019583391216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659285577541081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038762702852432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28826291853566555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33995075663005786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vinylvessel,2018/04/17,"i want to kill myself im a 16 year old FTM transman

the only time i talk to my parents is when we’re fighting, physically or verbally. i cant say anything to my dad anymore without him snapping.

my siblings and i are estranged and i only see them around christmas; even then we’re constantly arguing

migraines consume most of my day to day life

i’m on 100mg of zoloft, have tried other SSRIs, went through countless therapists, and nothing’s worked.

i just found out my friends at school all have been talking shit about me for months.

everytime i try & pray i never get answers. i feel like im screaming to an empty sky. i wish god, jesus, fucking SOMEONE would say anything, but i’m constantly belittled and ignored.

whats the point? why should i keep living? what purpose do i have in this world other than to fuck up again and again? why did god give me a shitty life that i don’t deserve, anyway :/
",3.00375,5.073926927374302,4.001057960893856,86.30315118715086,75.81564245810057,6.262709497206704,29.623254189944127,7.1686216300943375,1.7670025139664811,716,33,136,8,16,231,128,179,0.179,0.7509999999999999,0.07,-0.9709,1,0,0,0,2,1,23.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,6,0,5,0,12,7,1,0,2,23,25,9,1,4,4,2,1,1,1,2,4,3,0,0,6,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,4,5,23,2,19,19,2,23,2,0,1,2,12,9,3,2,14,82,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321479107730567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310850434269521,0.0,0.0,0.21754243804286796,0.11766642964305166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28567488849983713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048773049435156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730231221985972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683316051156536,0.09442797859980456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492633769488866,0.1021203830107265,0.24439283372716994,0.0690575415019018,0.12679716700490154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285549810421323,0.0,0.0,0.11748586591301492,0.14623535614852254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672243896327625,0.06457548670161954,0.0,0.11671558200380287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550320624630664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194381022824887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682834107177748,0.0,0.13869856009445358,0.0,0.0,0.2010546268939673,0.0,0.0,0.1467680096746821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495091913555613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022647715981896,0.0,0.1337711770484799,0.10532874057497756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356788017305127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199397740731648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124793143969176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346882772349682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707404576023515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948035028842566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796199992327067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253031594728345,0.2385401442399647,0.0,0.15199815909330994,0.12741486036008445,0.0,0.09622714701198468,0.0,0.0,0.09389544787939813,0.0,0.0,0.08511828844897355
suicidewatch,bestfriendpeanut,2018/04/17,"i'm going to mix alcohol and xanax when i get the chance give me a reason not to? i guess i'm looking for ""this is going to hurt/you're going to become a vegetable"" type of answer. thank  you for caring.",0.06697674418604649,2.2271077906976764,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,87.3720930232558,4.370232558139535,15.576744186046513,5.6839178017228535,-0.5917311627906976,157,3,33,1,5,54,32,43,0.0,0.8109999999999999,0.189,0.7717,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,5,12,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,7,12,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026242125434478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127406709904074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887122137749781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794541980861806,0.2716439029699168,0.4827986626263504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31194532919035806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031409444328345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23779273907463105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911474612563593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26070626932097063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irock1714,2018/04/17,"Im fucking done Im so tired of all the shit I get from my family, especially my parents. I’m lucky to even get a C- in my science class and C in shitty art. I just want it to end, ive literally been begging God (if he is real, i really doubt it though since hes never helped). I feel like an embarassment to my god damn family because i AM. I feel like my mom keeps telling me my grades just to piss me off, but she says its so I dont make the mistake of not doing my homework again. I HATE MY LIFE. Im one of the only people in my family to ever get an F, forgot whether it was my sister or my bro, but they only had one. I only go to school because i have to, and I only do the work because i am forced to. I dont care about my fucking future anymore. I know im not gonna make it, ill probably just end up homeless or something. I just cant handle that, but im also to much of a pussy to commit suicide. I really want to though. The only thing I have is a couple of pills that arent even sleeping pills. God damn I wish my dad had a gun or something. Its too late to change my ways now, I have to face the fact.

Edit: please respond i need encouragement im in tears right now",0.4231707720284348,1.7552352053231957,3.316713506364689,91.64998842783932,80.97718631178708,6.094825591006777,20.560257893866755,6.8959733430537185,0.25815040502562425,901,24,217,10,23,322,137,263,0.16899999999999998,0.726,0.104,-0.9666,2,0,2,1,0,4,29.0,0,0,1,1,17,14,7,1,12,0,20,11,4,2,5,36,41,15,1,6,14,5,2,2,0,1,5,1,1,0,9,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,7,9,0,2,6,3,40,5,26,34,2,18,0,0,0,2,14,7,6,6,11,138,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955007078462143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625111006439412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590487561490489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886719575721529,0.0,0.09200298376842413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623091812800837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900075257792353,0.2038569508651283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405963984140322,0.0,0.0,0.11488604867949433,0.0786695626658973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459634108765733,0.0,0.0879495346308766,0.12426311595050245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080517387552146,0.13631508501218542,0.0,0.04942719253027805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586510807351985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058294319689280685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636567105668555,0.0,0.0,0.07730314677372735,0.0,0.0,0.047796570314076116,0.0,0.09810622067988586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614296536564382,0.08497853401661278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610662320362415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185849583403114,0.0,0.0,0.06393313449895237,0.0644873321491574,0.06707681186588021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786657302900815,0.3307239388231722,0.0,0.0,0.09657016106065004,0.0,0.0,0.060294214949554135,0.0,0.0,0.09546720860146607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376863010046488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899117514778867,0.11143072753627586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427211112756138,0.0,0.06916222684880786,0.0,0.08801852761700893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892737032046285,0.07194268257573412,0.0,0.08703305046659812,0.0,0.0,0.1339078819277735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513132846705467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760158245254218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777916403662855,0.0,0.17089564159645074,0.0,0.0,0.0999594988777896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259460363179368,0.06903292964914377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001148572566174,0.0,0.0,0.06331537169408942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thesmurfyone,2018/04/17,"How to find a job when depressed & suicidal I wake up in the morning in a shroud of darkness already entrenched in anxiety before I start the day. I want to find a job to give my life some purpose, some direction. I know where I want to be but fear not getting there. I fear failure before even having failed. A rejection feels like a stab in the heart. How does one detach oneself from this process of putting oneself out there in light of possible and most probable rejection, especially when prone to magnify the emotional response of a ""no""?",7.045080906148868,7.308045563106794,7.029271844660197,75.2419012944984,64.24271844660194,10.750161812297735,39.4967637540453,10.504223727775694,4.293810355987056,435,23,78,10,6,139,68,103,0.324,0.616,0.06,-0.9887,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,10,0,2,3,2,2,0,15,9,6,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,2,9,1,17,8,3,13,0,4,0,0,1,8,0,3,5,55,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140684853418236,0.0,0.0,0.1879334546048552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268909442837706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951870596763727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118611699201167,0.0,0.1493925902031731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517876289821062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510837359892216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456236473238007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903598829464941,0.0877017425547856,0.12391301272810172,0.0,0.0,0.3170610780629424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906206841021405,0.16638944518291454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553957955199545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34424555053011857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953238131908244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251315922972927,0.08473911254092764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175344916489853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553928402583126,0.0,0.0,0.18700888620503955,0.0,0.0,0.17436557664560426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276909806173165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972660431072527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046111000584418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Soupfriend,2018/04/17,"Will I make it to next week? Im a pretty strong person faking each day away by slapping on a smile, but I think I'm going to burst soon and do something to myself and end it all which is quite terrifying. I'm at my worst right now. Not sure what would help? a hug? prob not? Nothing in life seems worth living (plus we all go) maybe ill just leave sooner? Why is this so taboo? If anyone has any suggestions how to get rid of these thoughts or how to calm down I would really appreciate it. (i have no one to talk to about this). If not, no worries. See y'all on the other side.",0.029847775175646518,2.1545408606557395,1.8331615925058564,97.44081967213116,87.11475409836065,4.797189695550352,15.271662763466045,6.18269132825596,-0.7473976580796262,443,8,105,4,14,145,93,122,0.183,0.642,0.17600000000000002,-0.4687,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,3,3,25,18,10,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,1,1,8,4,17,14,4,16,0,0,1,1,6,8,0,4,6,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391137402754824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769003635596916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501147011487495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699618110527708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174411396419395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028818205489722,0.0,0.22382671228287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199036049665833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127058371514032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085083231824968,0.0,0.0,0.13908940312736998,0.0,0.0,0.17388269697746786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144466848897818,0.0,0.19783116206334625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094251234944489,0.0,0.0,0.18894867009291244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334371131486521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194169186253602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033696992142488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944712868685664,0.0,0.0,0.12615107249139462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816737505176393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569185978939847,0.1792672620865426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159752874035876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185593413199454,0.0,0.0,0.15827568009751913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617746259264792,0.0,0.15633134132665233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579561915981276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768837247664065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999803572339767,0.0,0.2797705915675431,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reveriesxx,2018/04/17,"One day I will do it It won't be today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or even next week. But one day after these thoughts that have been brewing for 15 years don't subside, it will be one of the most rational decisions I ever make. One day when I am thinking logically and not feeling emotionally, I will finally kill myself.",5.704374999999999,6.236885687499999,7.0593749999999975,72.948125,67.125,10.775,34.75,10.686352973137794,3.89598125,260,12,48,7,4,89,45,64,0.098,0.902,0.0,-0.7244,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,1,12,15,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,2,1,5,0,4,7,1,15,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,15,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290578406328063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306958145068113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545834838484255,0.18551336997600748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369839366266292,0.0,0.0,0.22466331317790245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268989138507828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689748752331615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811286498131546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5558903451134394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141177812357682,0.0,0.1628165531153757,0.0,0.0,0.1943989537624292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450880828497352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206961508196702
suicidewatch,Inasis,2018/04/17,"The more I think about suicide, the more appealing it is. The thing is that I don't even want to stop thinking about it but it just makes me wanna do it more. But I don't want my family to suffer.",0.5943023255813955,2.2314804651162845,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,81.55813953488372,6.16046511627907,17.726744186046513,7.1686216300943375,-0.08643720930232535,152,3,37,2,4,51,26,43,0.261,0.7390000000000001,0.0,-0.865,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,10,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,10,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24716146666794356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527708721099894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497873641814273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31285541847387394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093238289634702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24860778293421704,0.4795559403424712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441436240471493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TexasToastIsHot,2018/04/17,"Anyone else here hooked on booze/and or amphetamines? The only time that i feel ""normal"" is on amphetamines and alcohol. But what kind of fucking unstable life is that?",4.6080000000000005,7.5038024666666665,5.616666666666671,72.60500000000002,74.33333333333334,9.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.1406666666666667,134,5,22,4,3,44,25,30,0.105,0.895,0.0,-0.4859,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790088871099615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479768389478029,0.3633768980482919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29626135701981515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931975293251365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278646575067272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693093981533772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504970688619228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34747793540652744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697243834093856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067970261685131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Empty_Inside497,2018/04/17,"Already told half of this story at r/abusiverelationships For the past six years the relationship with my sister was incredibly toxic. When I was nine I hit depression but didn't know it yet. My sister took pictures of me naked and threatened to send them to her friends. One year later when I was 10 I realized that I was depressed. Throughout this time she would intentionally fuck with me any way she could. She would wake me up any time I slept despite her knowing about my sleeping disorder, would constantly break and destroy anything that was valuable to me, and would intentionally anger me. She did this nearly everyday for about 4-5 years. She enjoyed seeing me in pain. She didn't stop at just anger though, this was the type of anger that would make your blood boil. She would do things all of the time like this and would talk bad about me or put me in awful social situations intentionally even though I had terrible anxiety that would make me freeze up so easily. She made fun of me for being depressed, and constantly treated me like shit for so many years. One time I even broke my hand because of the pain she was causing me. Just a few months ago, she forced me to upon up about all of these things despite me making it fucking clear that this was a terrible idea that would lead to destructive results but she kept pushing and manipulating like how she always does like the piece of human shit that she is. I guess it's my fault for feeling bad for her (mostly because I see the same type of pain in her). The problem is that now I've become toxic and possibly insane. About a year ago I stopped feeling emotion and even didn't feel anything at the funeral of my friend's father, my health is in terrible condition despite being 15, and I don't know fiction from reality anymore. This is basically what I believe which is that we have energy that is connected to our personality's and that she stole my personality. I know that it's weird but I don't know if I'm crazy or right. The only thought that comforts me is the idea of either returning to my previous self or dying. I don't what's real anymore and I'm an awful person. I no longer no right from wrong or good from bad. I used to be told that I was an incredibly mature child when I was very young and I was told that I was really smart and nice. Even being told by a few different that I'd be the new Einstein. Now I'm none of these things. I used to be s passionate about math, science, engineering, puzzles, critical thinking, mystery, and so much more. But now that's all gone. I feel nothing and can barely even think before I speak. I'm not good at anything that I was good at and now I'm a judgmental douche-bag. I keep think about how I may never be the same. If that's really the case though then there's only one solution and you all know what that is.",4.892327610470026,5.840242730837794,5.5854568908903275,81.31242682240361,69.10695187165776,8.757313068768179,28.666901210244866,8.99025400887824,2.1534000000000004,2256,78,450,40,38,733,242,561,0.226,0.6459999999999999,0.128,-0.9973,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,2,2,1,1,32,43,9,0,21,2,50,15,7,15,6,94,90,39,2,13,14,3,6,4,2,10,4,1,0,6,40,20,1,4,17,0,0,6,11,26,0,6,28,9,75,17,54,43,14,56,0,4,2,3,43,16,4,10,36,316,115,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193317275733924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967255901618999,0.0,0.05253452116010828,0.0,0.0,0.08586979911363768,0.0,0.04829915352122277,0.0,0.12522863609483045,0.0,0.0,0.15586756942278607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814870597612513,0.07697469551504715,0.06972916503207417,0.053724404308461364,0.07113307334190795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485844811219868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645598200267986,0.0,0.05040925741831378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631377999881742,0.0,0.06552558856670862,0.06596407324246094,0.07235975481712799,0.0,0.055251066611102656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101992315440125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850489883139156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276945915104971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755801232229352,0.11673712133321668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886738581242987,0.0,0.0,0.06955183433998054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711101348201322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254656317866318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611851041154695,0.0,0.0,0.20818860091100413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233809733497176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974116392838333,0.1264320603048842,0.06401037388589671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050394851603413685,0.0,0.046412499668663815,0.0,0.048694664087699374,0.060977503718483324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060581053930226975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834852360660542,0.09603611536550703,0.2015446610749095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027081329099933,0.0,0.165384740243845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711767755992298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060412983443469674,0.0,0.0634694945466558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186301625525131,0.08089355614092593,0.0,0.0,0.06778483786070671,0.0,0.10783623734748653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062303203294867,0.0,0.06586500791773539,0.0,0.12961716183251135,0.0,0.0709679300141502,0.06318197062604489,0.06435958263919438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556967193496304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050746626092240635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583500493392688,0.12136571793300695,0.18609350154186471,0.050123228786090816,0.14726131031483178,0.0,0.0,0.2413180451420368,0.07014683492645815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905911200823556,0.0,0.0520941209665949,0.0,0.0501147151563526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036524194311472,0.0690297139737898,0.0,0.2032887751822588
suicidewatch,BabyHuey1371,2018/04/17,"Relapse I'm back to square one it feels like. I thought I was in the clear and now here we are, wanting to let it all out in the bathtub. I feel like from day one everything has been fake. A recent breakup has me reflecting on all of the times that I have just pretended to be present. Not just with her, but in every aspect of life. I never wanted to be anywhere. All of the smiles were just a way to hide how I really felt. And here now, following the expectations of others. How do you get off the train? I want to disappear, to go on a road trip. To forget all of the material things I have worked to aquire. All of the things that do not matter. I want to push reset, but what does that mean for tomorrow. What does that mean for the future. What is even worth it anymore? Has anyone every just dropped everything and left. Just up and put life behind you for a while to figure some shit out?",1.2477566867989651,3.4257439453551903,2.6100316364682206,93.50484900776532,82.22404371584699,6.0384239286741455,19.467644521138915,7.273561745256523,0.3167114754098357,694,18,154,10,19,224,104,183,0.083,0.838,0.079,-0.3921,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,2,0,1,14,4,1,0,13,0,15,3,1,2,7,42,29,9,0,5,9,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,8,1,1,6,3,2,0,2,5,4,14,2,32,21,6,30,0,0,1,0,4,11,1,1,13,118,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321463416862408,0.108024457324564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879487644782954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963461343508363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703941278043138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204056450036314,0.0,0.2603324880911453,0.0,0.27769504696904296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562316793802432,0.22073835150405932,0.14833662833275746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071573751809888,0.0,0.08780141166710552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785610141544674,0.15797862315406888,0.2182446557510882,0.1509540571920842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365743409887472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915381939496955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937566894926146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530721552328372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989715850721675,0.0,0.15254229498763142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858390422063676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527535179157,0.0,0.0,0.12264945784438153,0.09008557663278176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644937358228696,0.12262862534621713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247207721869117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Coaast,2018/04/17,"I’ve already cut my stomach and my arms up. Now my wrists. I’m just tired of living and hopefully this will be my last post ever. I’ve been mentally defeated by life. I don’t care who I hurt by doing this because they didn’t help me when I asked. Maybe something will stop me, I’m not.",-0.0606221198156689,2.007192983870972,2.13847926267281,95.50629032258064,86.90322580645163,5.478341013824887,20.147465437788018,6.868970318607317,0.26397880184331823,223,7,52,3,7,75,45,62,0.204,0.669,0.128,-0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,1,7,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,10,2,4,7,0,7,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907973057154388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463526054803553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063737560465194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686729069563277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383660028395202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662973457212994,0.0,0.0,0.2617316091175816,0.0,0.0,0.28210014981124065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148013366414618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861296860144974,0.0,0.0,0.2326901335692148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647380120325494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655629218527729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523762205195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286808189965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031181714465475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028737593792298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needtorant740673,2018/04/17,"Feeling alone and guilty Never posted on reddit before. Sorry for formatting.

I don't always feel suicidal, but quite often think about what I'd do. Today feels particularly bad. I feel like an afterthought to everyone, people make plans and then think of me after, and no one seems to consider my feelings. I feel like no one would really miss me if I were gone. And I feel guilty for feeling this way, because I have no right. I have a wonderful partner, and a house when lots of people my age don't, but so often I feel like such a failure, a stupid loser.

I don't think I'll ever actually do anything. Just wanted to rant anonymously on the net.",3.871259842519685,5.527787031496064,5.344102362204726,79.36812204724411,72.38582677165354,8.229606299212598,25.298425196850395,8.841846274778883,1.9600148031496056,511,16,95,10,10,172,80,127,0.271,0.589,0.141,-0.962,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,8,7,1,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,2,32,27,11,1,3,4,0,9,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,15,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,2,9,13,3,11,24,1,14,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,6,11,64,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.13165462324965854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972811552530773,0.0,0.0,0.1122575681604274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102105759596552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264586122644735,0.08224108583833467,0.0,0.11480015131678856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220356024037161,0.0,0.1289141706379715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6139399196134319,0.2891434189608652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567030189861095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773352435193187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469733397778276,0.0,0.0,0.09005478882532153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405242975784196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283968736350856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706194857284092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920837592854756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349548871619994,0.0,0.0,0.08642806379212684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521408682213012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228187922422342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102290709168667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757180011597296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933843218407765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788077448066615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957457645181393,0.10708684362724398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630627852298173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583759399592147,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purgatorydweller,2018/04/17,"I don't know if I will ever have another opportunity. Being unemployed has given me so much time to fantasize about leaving. The means to an end are there at any time, a skip to the end of this beige, mute, unambitious existence is just a short elevator ride up to the deserted open air rec area atop my condominium. From there physics grants me the right to a swift final descent down the familiar tower, the occasion covered by the oft-squandered balance of potential energy that all urban tower-dwellers must maintain. For years I've feared any attempted defection from existence would be thwarted against all odds by the border security that is modern medical science, but a few hundred feet of ~1g acceleration ending in pavement is a journey still quite comfortably beyond medicine's present capabilities to interdict. It's not the first time I've considered this trip, but my lack of income has become a catalyst for action; the ticket out of the mortal plane now has an expiration attached. Circumstance has presented me with an ultimatum that I soon must answer.",13.740762902019448,9.989766486910998,12.844098728496634,51.57560209424086,54.28795811518325,16.778160059835454,50.32236350037397,14.554592549557764,7.217537920718026,873,44,134,28,7,288,135,191,0.042,0.892,0.066,0.517,5,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,10,5,0,1,20,0,16,2,1,0,5,18,19,4,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,3,1,0,4,2,2,0,1,1,0,8,3,27,12,5,32,0,0,0,0,0,12,0,1,16,95,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673483846848272,0.20612055553461245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170958803813724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223074452259509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780862154149074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211956542656884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533258779285525,0.0,0.167202156048124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802961137650907,0.0,0.0,0.2081390165734342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412211887187785,0.0,0.19802337505267376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450140728967514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907615928049134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786951968518962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569808817277008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34386426175697804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963753318391406,0.0,0.0,0.12658449473629266
suicidewatch,stilldrugtstillqueer,2018/04/17,"Where should I drive to instead of killing myself Right now it's either drive to a tall building in my city or pack up and move. Problem is, I'll be leaving my job and have no money. Where's the best place to be homeless?",3.8403546099290766,4.0786052340425565,4.328510638297871,91.93333333333334,71.12765957446808,6.266666666666668,28.43262411347518,3.1291,0.6868070921985816,174,6,39,0,3,55,38,47,0.181,0.738,0.08199999999999999,-0.6249,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,2,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,1,28,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36432307224359495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445027988215011,0.0,0.3840811780936239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675923849976397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689762105746715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36270838076243295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321852991289152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29647280036857404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anxious_Loserr,2018/04/17,I would kill myself if it wasn't for my dog I just can't get over the fact that no one would ever be able to explain it to him. All he would think is that I left and never came home. That I deserted him. He would be all alone. Just thinking about it makes me cry. ,-0.3875706214689245,1.3213353559322023,1.4450000000000005,102.21687853107348,85.27118644067797,4.611299435028251,14.918079096045195,5.46131890053228,-1.1808666666666667,202,3,53,1,6,66,42,59,0.197,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.9001,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,5,18,15,2,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,0,9,0,5,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,40,15,0,0.2219200838067435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984227922829506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25381745569001896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376879149736996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007394209677712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594408437534393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226039383157989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455216925363008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411168203854285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813337917869346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115844957096582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503787921243603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843948579262368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305826413522024,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WakingJehoober,2018/04/17,"Just when things were looking up.. Have had a rough last few years, but overall I was able to endure. Lost everything after leaving a cult, and losing my grandfather shortly after. Was focusing on myself trying to build my emotional strength more than ever. I came to meet a wonderful girl who started to open my eyes to the possibilities again. Today I was hit with the news that she is moving, and to top things off my grandma was just sent to the same hospice center..I really just don’t know if I can handle all this at once. Could really use some help for once. Appreciate it! ",4.213153153153153,6.114205810810816,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,71.97297297297297,8.176576576576577,25.84684684684685,8.841846274778883,2.0341603603603606,459,15,84,9,9,150,84,111,0.052000000000000005,0.773,0.175,0.9422,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,6,0,11,1,1,1,2,19,20,5,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,9,3,10,1,16,9,5,19,0,2,2,0,6,7,0,3,9,64,16,0,0.19587691925488426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403101342089196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563917813750429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203351698491852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718188763130552,0.0,0.0,0.17604154480962528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129217006829694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764883219849834,0.15966583253688596,0.0,0.20740537509650087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644872793113838,0.2191361692706975,0.21382279601309231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818616619714966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172050525507401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082179541195046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509675403797017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386426916215776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26026384291078664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566841616662308,0.0,0.0,0.1329875704753995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917476745007384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242016338196126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613831392308394
suicidewatch,sadwoman101,2018/04/17,"Middle aged woman who can't stop endless browsing I am nearly 50 years old and depressed. I can't stop using my computer or phone.  I can't even tell you what I do all day. My children are in school all day and I can't work due to a disability but I don't have money to go out and do things. I tried finding free or cheap things but there aren't many during the weekdays and what little is out there I don't find fun, which could be do to the depression.

I have a wonderful husband but I'm no longer very interested in sex.  My children suffer because I'm so zoned out from using the computer all day, and I even use it often at night, to the point it's taking over all or at least most of my waking hours.

I am seeing a therapist about it but it's not helping.  I don't know what to do. I've never had thoughts of ending it all until lately because I feel guilty about not taking care of my husband and children.   Plus I'm almost 50 ffs, and have no reason to be so unhappy and I should know better.",1.4894885100074118,3.1746185962441373,3.462856436866815,90.20279466271316,79.0,5.986557944156165,21.53916481344205,6.8360192770164,0.4405737089201881,783,22,171,8,19,265,111,213,0.179,0.732,0.09,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,7,0,24,2,1,4,6,45,40,19,0,2,9,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,12,12,0,2,8,0,3,1,13,3,0,0,2,2,20,6,23,34,7,28,0,3,1,1,11,12,0,7,15,120,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141942601377129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281951912094173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253667551324806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452403248697446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317620119164712,0.0,0.0,0.2742519435053584,0.0,0.2441789123534616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554882627494218,0.0,0.0,0.1872496726842278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167328740805244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591146893086699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056004823366174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501233967598224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395956412834581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558046821108379,0.0,0.15990068351853864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207119159296053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371270921818574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932668684278124,0.0,0.0,0.1330231963033571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874325386740514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399999447210453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574307265680692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345902462371227,0.11295675736077415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701944925510515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315739694857624,0.0,0.12389614252393988,0.0,0.0,0.16458319961839316,0.188345402739194,0.0,0.0,0.1125340248199857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623925183138822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672806335947605,0.0,0.11695896780410388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372231799334096,0.103196016939127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912826433014353
suicidewatch,helpme187,2018/04/17,Exam season + suicidal thoughts I need to study the whole time I am awake or I will probably fail. It is difficult because suicide seems like the easy option. Can someone who is in the same position as me (ie. Exams approaching) please chat to me daily. Maybe we can push each other and pass our exams. ,2.7305747126436763,5.266107344827585,4.048965517241381,83.2509195402299,79.0,7.314942528735633,25.18390804597701,8.344100000000001,1.9976459770114952,238,9,43,5,6,78,49,58,0.215,0.674,0.11,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,9,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,4,7,3,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,28,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685127374306666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505260025326585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777169817524441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497369108384814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034435674785452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980446171212783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516568291589849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342232112233429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6047519375898678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945919850911613,0.16119197583528086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086307710167295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheAshInTrash,2018/04/17,"I see myself as selfish. Everyday I think about committing suicide, even though I have wonderful opportunities.
I feel like I’m being ungrateful for wanting to die after all I have worked for.
Part of the reason I want to die is because of the flashbacks I have from PTSD, but I also have chronic migraines which take over my life. I can’t go to school some days because it’s so bad. 
I don’t want to lose everything I’ve worked for due to migraines, and if I do, I would probably end my life.",5.326969696969698,5.509684474747477,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,67.8888888888889,9.42828282828283,32.66161616161617,9.2995712137729,2.7717797979797982,389,16,78,7,6,129,66,99,0.215,0.6890000000000001,0.096,-0.9417,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,2,0,10,5,0,1,2,14,20,7,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,15,2,15,18,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,54,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447599049289686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084590695828373,0.22026075432241451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651257191730514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749989647520487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001363341521754,0.0,0.0,0.11932608759080687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623680918486262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134854922386976,0.12906555346491624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267484299489782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552149827462702,0.08826272737165332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211548187661266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956402267152429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947850743801435,0.0,0.2111851666379084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575146652381125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828404172092602,0.14396487566133492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976158004173001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358359555683038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576143909777845,0.17750030166774275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31967883307044065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592111984589147,0.2630493667578598,0.0,0.0,0.128337682624245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1sixnine,2018/04/17,"Want to escape this addiction Hi, I’m 21

When I was around 15 I attempted suicide because I felt like I didn’t click with the world. Things didn’t make sense to me, I had a hard time making friends (I wasn’t a quiet loser( What I mean by this, is that I know this isn’t how been seen me as or referred to me as, I know it’s a stereotype but I didn’t feel like I fell into this ) I just never had friends to do things with at the weekend etc). I believed that people were either playing a game and intentionally doing and saying stuff to fit in and I didn’t want to play that game. I thought it was either that or that the majority of people just click this is life and they are doing what people are good at doing and enjoy it and there is no fundament fake game (which I realise is mainly the case). 

Anyway, after this I went to a family therapist who helped explain that many times I may be the one not putting in the effort and thinking people are ignoring me, when in reality I was expecting strangers to put in work that I wasn’t. 

Fast forward 6/7 years and I have had relationships, made friends in University, still don’t feel a bit of an outsider when it comes to things most people deal with easily. 

But I have been gripped by gambling addiction. I have been gambling my whole life. This year as I got myself a placement job, I have gambled every paycheque and have also fell into debt with payday loans. 

I won a substantial amount on an online casino Sunday night that would clear all my debts and also give me enough to enjoy life. But I blew it all last night. 

I can’t continue with this condition. Nobody in my family knows and I don’t know how to tell them because there is the mental and financial side to it. 

I honestly now doing see anyway out and just can’t continue living this situation, even if I do come clean and work out a plan I will still be living with 0 money and doing this the past few months has left me depressed, weak, I haven’t been going out with friends, useless, worthless, I have been missing out on events. 

I don’t want to leave the devastation that suicide leaves but I want to escape this situation. I know it’s a long term solution but I think my gambling is a long term condition. 

If I do nothing, I will have to get up tomorrow morning, go to work and spend 8 hours with these problems on my mind, come home panicking that my parents will ask me about the money I promised to pay them this week all while interest is piling up and my opportunity to pay back gets shorter. 

Just escaping the situation seems the best option. ",4.081043222210538,5.245594377431907,5.071417604374805,83.44601377642235,71.17898832684823,8.047029130297611,26.92691134714481,8.441846121484758,1.7473935850247124,2026,67,408,32,37,664,236,514,0.109,0.723,0.16699999999999998,0.9832,4,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,3,10,22,26,0,0,25,0,58,6,0,6,5,89,95,37,2,9,16,1,5,2,4,5,6,2,2,0,38,35,0,1,15,7,13,11,16,9,0,1,25,11,59,17,55,63,17,67,0,5,4,0,21,25,0,8,35,298,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402381272239836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276586578306568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710537214070575,0.0746177731254853,0.0,0.0,0.061374060473158076,0.0,0.09731095171467233,0.0,0.0,0.08992600774805946,0.08376262723845106,0.0,0.08713908591568441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626487382520284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228743917082547,0.06874594510687303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247191349374328,0.089016639267876,0.052718130306830216,0.0,0.0672489519118717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048802756405247,0.0,0.08071537110707841,0.0570210152956596,0.07663648020777385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466645165129185,0.0,0.08340178808548042,0.07656738295621804,0.09072325861885328,0.06694640104945278,0.0638366491400516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150002148615682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053499403571637315,0.0,0.08006258616138451,0.0,0.07860330116418672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920568780501057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932565798886072,0.06506120515068672,0.0,0.16902856978359707,0.08672100032516518,0.0,0.16913053534627728,0.07798874591063906,0.0,0.1409590904171792,0.14127040894840165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552442370203083,0.10655643852128063,0.08092153350877469,0.0,0.08694370740234947,0.0,0.0,0.08043638838206375,0.0,0.08059204154717371,0.0,0.06370887131458973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061559504381202876,0.0,0.0,0.14980499770223898,0.0,0.07658620764113153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054085813092045514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862692020594504,0.0,0.07619400327238661,0.2766740014991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637373393256967,0.0,0.16047551413768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569318839021177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347338652925204,0.0,0.0,0.06360351896181317,0.07266206081612475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691517036094241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748332512871094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137094358674036,0.1746128734700994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976325130463988,0.0,0.0,0.0926732574686987,0.15907986393719756,0.10228654528237527,0.0,0.06336548736634218,0.09308343580706137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883116616927869,0.0,0.06402408485853815,0.0,0.0,0.07399081419949524,0.0,0.08911241522151397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743223683167804,0.0,0.0,0.05669944278289413,0.0,0.0,0.10279858363079122
suicidewatch,Weiser17,2018/04/17,the only upside of life is that it eventually fucking ends Can I just die already? please,1.3515686274509804,3.8808096470588263,3.278823529411767,81.6480392156863,99.58823529411764,4.619607843137255,23.31372549019608,6.42735559955562,1.1912901960784312,72,3,12,1,3,24,17,17,0.193,0.693,0.114,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426048617748997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41626064091528137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552403279013983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37079460106870576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28329665485713723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050415555776509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402684898176912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mizserybusiness,2018/04/17,"Wish my boyfriend would break up with me so I can die without hurting him He had a friend kill themselves during the summer and it effected him badly. 

We are in a long distance relationship. I have known him for over a year, we met after 7 months of talking online and I visit him for 2-3 weeks at a time every month. 5 months after talking he broke up with me, this was before we had met and shortly after his friend died. Even before his friend died our conversations seemed to die out. He got bored of me I think. He stopped texting. Would disappear and scare me often, I cried everyday for the month that this was going on and I wish I had the courage to end my life because it feels like never ending pain. 

I feel like he’s losing interest again. Feel like I’m annoying him. I cry down the phone every night because I’m so low again. I’m terrified he will break up. I’m visiting again tomorrow but I feel so bad. I hate myself so much I just want to stop feeling so bad. Therapy wasn’t so good for me, every single anti depressant i have been prescribed over the years didn’t do much to my mood, but gave me horrible side effects and extreme chest pain. I feel like there is nothing I can do to make myself feel better and I hate myself for putting him through this. I hate being so weak and depressed. 

Sometimes I wish he would end it so I can end my life. All I do is cry, I have harmed myself a few times but I try not to do it often although I want to. 

Next week I am starting a new job but I am not looking forward to it. I hat e myself 

Recently I was sexually assaulted and lost all my friends. I hung out with some new people and drank but I got mad whenever somebody would come close or touch me. I intentionally make myself lonely. I’m stupid ",1.4375315315315331,3.632378266666666,3.0857057057057102,90.26932432432436,81.6111111111111,5.891891891891893,22.507507507507512,7.113659591113569,0.7515052552552555,1376,46,289,18,37,454,180,360,0.272,0.606,0.122,-0.9969,1,2,0,0,0,2,30.0,4,0,0,5,16,38,8,1,11,0,30,7,1,5,3,62,65,25,5,9,10,0,8,4,4,5,5,0,0,0,9,20,1,2,12,0,0,7,6,25,0,0,16,9,60,12,34,43,7,57,0,8,1,0,33,16,0,5,38,187,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183359329383956,0.08924529898653721,0.0,0.12457731708584613,0.0,0.0,0.0647403348978215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305617888013819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412235800636435,0.0,0.0,0.12609582615457865,0.0,0.30388431958196377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593374312186312,0.0,0.0,0.04834856938856664,0.0,0.1850249960817516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908837136170354,0.2091792329191563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22621964062289499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416018145841015,0.06139752486697957,0.11709105169389855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681249464837735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836318328560278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264069629407073,0.0,0.08098605963611849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340806064658507,0.14304924212000353,0.0,0.0,0.06478058051224221,0.061470402920841716,0.08189319366210279,0.07990753740721687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977244703417942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337133557273844,0.0,0.10762231359090617,0.0,0.05645712303865118,0.14139596173511146,0.07785009276156361,0.06869417868203849,0.0,0.07023833267214101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578204773588655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074835576163365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358722213111467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227715536476136,0.07859047809354643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328696990152074,0.0,0.0,0.06663944014777579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723976596420899,0.0,0.05181204377436962,0.0,0.0,0.12239862558345127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176723801986254,0.0,0.0,0.0837117217554587,0.0,0.0,0.04690424435880414,0.0,0.0,0.08536818223351922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049698673203240715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635169142986841,0.0,0.11743485177893186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25253260841534314,0.0705631507415299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799955747494708,0.0,0.0,0.0942780865860059
suicidewatch,Milli63,2018/04/17,I'm back... I'll probably kill myself one day... It doesn't seem to get better. I mean it gets better... To a point but I'm still very depressed.,-2.4376344086021504,-1.042732129032256,0.5088709677419345,100.61663978494623,112.22580645161293,3.3569892473118284,11.618279569892476,5.46131890053228,-1.29274623655914,108,2,26,1,6,37,24,31,0.244,0.6940000000000001,0.062,-0.7776,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129147795567639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897813690032578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857404620535555,0.0,0.23848882793493445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893318966996851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30634273997316264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016192859443455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876308799330228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26175480361448883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298539104408072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207435423914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112830614175974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284669620258061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarthBatPool,2018/04/17,just dont want to live life has lost all its appeal im lonely pathetic stupid failing all my classes no friends no relationships i drive everyone away i have no talent no motivation to get a job i just dont want to live anymore its pointless,0.4725000000000002,2.888023673469391,2.6926275510204114,86.66710459183676,97.9795918367347,5.715306122448982,24.492346938775512,7.1686216300943375,1.5750183673469391,196,9,38,4,8,66,34,49,0.421,0.446,0.132,-0.9342,1,2,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,7,8,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,7,2,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,23,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296521080641275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756469414176047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427892867088845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212720648766644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890798691918125,0.0,0.1209841303708715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501319532960753,0.0,0.2297943840171504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356252631783874,0.0,0.0,0.4089555719000322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527825898375594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24861615354028435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731682755439852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arynnLC,2018/04/17,"Hello. I’m still sitting outside the emergency room that Released me in less than 24 hours. I came in because I wanted to die, and I wanted help. I’m addicted to opiates, so naturally everything was brushed under the rug as with drawl symptoms. I’ve wanted to die for a while, I don’t have any friends or family. I do have a sweet baby girl that is love to see grow up, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s be better off without me. She’s the only things keeping me going. It’s sad that America’s mental health system is so fucked up that I’m sitting outside the hospital I was just discharged from googling ways to kill myself. I told one of the girls in the ward with me that it they let me go today I was going to die. She told the nurse and they still discharged me saying I have borderline personality disorder, and an addiction to opiates and that there was nothing more they could do for me. What the actual fuck do I do now?",3.639596110695585,4.811069403141364,5.052180254300676,83.14037958115185,72.24607329842931,7.970231862378459,28.302543006731486,8.418075326091056,1.972211368735976,740,28,149,12,14,248,109,191,0.198,0.7340000000000001,0.068,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,3,1,7,9,3,1,12,0,18,7,0,0,0,17,36,10,4,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,2,3,11,7,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,5,0,1,7,5,25,4,23,26,2,24,0,1,1,3,16,8,2,1,6,106,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.13293169377760267,0.2970012072584959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263470584810593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303883729071697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204760855031187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580012163116833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876109601205124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241265510148643,0.0,0.15612065410459675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224263269387178,0.0,0.12841669529379512,0.0,0.0688772481423582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524372792163986,0.251867571786126,0.0,0.0,0.2322519853579452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479616948555846,0.0,0.0,0.09130582303545097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414989003549085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107916306472186,0.15070795448742727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929483279364796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294444527004697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727836485857767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307073771855033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230663052716442,0.10360193443454348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894260785820207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832811977315468,0.0,0.0,0.10855021288196268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175719568272696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158540206065728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904989397729396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912123808269424,0.2603293166901359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410393870327465,0.10812560283334932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313118351260193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,warmblanketswill,2018/04/17,"Everything is meaningless and no one can truly help. People wouldnt be suicidal if they could just up and stop being a victim of their own interpretations. 

Yes you and I have been dealt unfair cards. We have low self esteem. We are indifferent to life and negative. Things arent going our way. We may have tried to get better but we are exhausted. We feel like shit and are shit. The world is better without us and can easily replace us just as they can replace a singer or President or mother. 

Why do you care so much? Why are you making yourself a victim of your own misery? The self fulfilling prophecy of letting things affect you and then complaining about it. And then choosing to not commit to being physically healthy or mentally strong. 

Im suicidal, Ive attempted suicide and Ive been through therapy, medication, recovery, relationships, work, school, and all that. Its the same shit but I still let depression get to me. I still choose to live in misery. 

Its no different than a person with a family and a job who thinks theyre in a rut because they were always wanting to be something greater. They settle with their setting and we settle with misery and suicide. We dont have it worse, our threshold is just lower. Misery and suicide would just be a worser situation to them and not us. Our worse situation wouldnt be confronting the fear and going to study, to work or w.e. It would be to be homeless or have some comfortable part of us we take for granted taken from us.

Im sick of being suicidal. Im sick of being depressed. Its no fun. Its not fun anymore. I keep coming back to it because being a victim is better than being a loser. If im a victim I have something to blame and pity from people and strangers like you.

People like me should die because Im in the way of bringing something practical to the world and to myself. 

I need to die because I idealize everything. But everything I ideal people use me for. Be it appearance, money or emotions or w.e. people use me and Im too soft and a victim to stop them from doing that.

I should use them back. I should manipulate and hurt them. But I cant because Im too weak to. Im too blind seeing the humanity and hurt in them. Im used up. I should die. This should die. It doesnt belong in this nasty, wasteful place. I should fucking die.",2.500156174684278,4.935501192904656,4.036799865034226,83.58336522703175,79.19955654101996,6.8485683987274655,24.2167646775282,7.967736418589885,1.5769920563000095,1822,65,341,33,46,604,192,451,0.304,0.552,0.14400000000000002,-0.9987,5,0,3,0,0,3,55.0,16,6,11,10,13,34,10,1,19,1,55,11,3,7,2,92,77,40,11,17,21,1,2,3,0,11,7,0,0,4,17,35,0,3,5,0,1,5,14,21,0,1,4,4,53,13,46,46,8,27,0,7,2,1,42,11,4,12,11,254,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045042541482297735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368485246950466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324903754579825,0.0,0.16499321966107944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362728011037704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519164862793287,0.0,0.0,0.04663031931588192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322036288169994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324841343724397,0.0,0.2809047247402249,0.05655689706030907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344283756989784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060891729173707436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595228819628805,0.0,0.05103126369792672,0.06091406492250459,0.027370997242210208,0.0386722387817568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004458510386277,0.056563950097056385,0.0,0.06152944668164183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036283845506367485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115899831677483,0.0,0.5262510939448132,0.0,0.05371811174856105,0.04811541586975133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070821169768452,0.03823535594308896,0.07933915386742252,0.0,0.04779995212999428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0361338360327497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054532756369812425,0.054552785532215514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979358515996818,0.04013853166637246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668155447172938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058620176799579024,0.0,0.1876431521817396,0.047266374303157166,0.05655689706030907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581180013406144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478493744804347,0.04313656043999738,0.0,0.1129439190023199,0.0,0.1666985705703506,0.0,0.1216943016129539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502143242729175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646050170287166,0.09051431748870506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35527273771912543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070087151730607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190518336608004,0.0,0.07192639943536712,0.03468589328697992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03675238560598456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32557340885185565,0.1870122528263806,0.0,0.0,0.03192872622757032,0.0859356509379439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769224708471856,0.0,0.0,0.052181757750764585,0.0,0.07881814821655811,0.0,0.11033119865003163,0.07690828999530443,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,done_with_this_life,2018/04/17,"Fuck this life. Fuck trying. Created this account just to say goodbye. Long time redditor, and lurker in suicide watch.  I attempted suicide last year, pretty close to this time.  Thought my life was falling apart...ha!  I had no idea how bad it could get.

I'm about to be evicted.  I've lost out on two good paying jobs now.  My girlfriend lives in another state, and is struggling hardcore herself...and I can't even support her.

I have no family here.  I have no family within 2000 miles.  My ex wife won't even check on the kids, let alone give me child support.  she's too busy snorting her money up her nose.

I give up.  I have nothing to sell.  My vehicle is dying.  I have no support from anyone.  I just can't. I've failed at life.",0.1532476489028234,2.5401336068965534,1.7914890282131672,93.95764106583073,95.6896551724138,4.567398119122257,21.07366771159875,6.351523495107088,0.4461034482758617,563,21,115,7,22,182,97,145,0.272,0.6609999999999999,0.067,-0.9838,2,1,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,2,1,1,0,14,6,1,1,0,10,25,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,7,6,0,1,4,4,18,4,15,17,0,19,0,2,1,2,12,11,2,0,6,67,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415455779108767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330704553037216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556059724143676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411106108904773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911731115112236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183855113478366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053425174283624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25767457319148873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526924903038777,0.07140275707044573,0.26220647639540984,0.0,0.11462961935481325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542801707909945,0.0,0.0,0.13562070106080407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140167453780693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975105225129286,0.2895953865197064,0.0,0.0,0.12067927943718812,0.12094580851248353,0.0,0.0,0.14918794554690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113547094557906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139039258045785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086829168252737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287380246780165,0.0,0.2989825727232468,0.4652635612116504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849816544537616,0.1593830086089274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278777937823078,0.0,0.1335035953858984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880089319746028
suicidewatch,DrKorea,2018/04/17,"I started walking at a park every day... So lets begin by saying I have bipolar disorder. It is, to say the least, a taxing existence. It began to develop in my early 20's and I am 27 now. 

I had a girlfriend for 8 years as it developed. When it began developing I was stubborn and naive believing nothing was wrong with me. I never sought out help. I also had a lot of problems at home during my final year of high school and through university causing a lot of PTSD for me. With all this it led to alcoholism and drug use. Eventually my girlfriend ended it with me. 

Despite this I kept trucking and found a job in my field after graduating, tried dating around, continued to drink and do drugs regularly, and then it happened. Less than a year after breaking up my ex was engaged to a guy who was always ""that"" guy. The one you worried about because he was such a good ""friend"" to her. Nothing ever happened between them but I always knew his intentions and it was at one time an argument we had, that said it was an argument we got over fairly early in our relationship. 

So now she was engaged, and I was dating a girl enabling my drinking and drug use, and worse would eventually cheat on me with several people, leaving me in financial and emotional ruin. 

Fast forward to today. I dated someone since but not serious, I no longer use drugs, I have been getting therapy and tried multiple medications etc. I have also been sober for near 5 months now. But I had a meltdown and quit my job about 3 months ago and have become a shut in. Every night I dream about my ex who is getting married in 3 months, Every morning and night I think about hanging myself. Financially my bills are piling up and I'm not returning calls of creditors. I am so anxious that I have skipped interviews because the thought terrifies me. 

I'm scared, and even worse is I have been taking daily walks in a local park with a lot of trees. In my mind I have picked one tree in particular. I have memorized how to tie a noose.

I am on ""good"" terms with my ex but I haven't talked to her in a long time as I don't want to be selfish as this is an important time for her. But she always understood me better than anyone. I feel like talking to her would help. But at the same time it may make it worse.

I just want to be okay. I don't want suicidal ideation to be a daily struggle any more. I want to and don't want to end it. I just look at 30 years old or 40 years old being more of the same. Disappointment. I will never marry the person I love. I will never be comfortable enough to keep a steady job. I will never stop having cravings for drugs or alcohol. I will never rid myself of this disease. I will never be truly happy. 

Thank you for listening.",3.242167252636869,4.898794274401479,4.825901138456388,82.44378390256153,74.02762430939227,7.735626988113178,27.073874100117198,8.438071523408619,1.9421937384898704,2133,80,417,38,44,718,258,543,0.147,0.773,0.08,-0.9885,3,0,9,0,0,1,61.0,3,2,1,3,20,22,2,2,27,1,53,12,0,9,8,84,87,38,1,8,12,3,1,1,3,8,9,4,1,4,21,29,4,4,7,3,2,5,13,10,0,3,25,6,69,12,72,47,13,83,0,2,1,1,38,27,0,6,53,309,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577569997922772,0.1392642281196491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421070665307328,0.16264542063734938,0.0,0.0,0.04430841945596566,0.0,0.0,0.07360790878282134,0.0,0.04555869828139007,0.0,0.0,0.058002791537902915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943717422379014,0.07195985374244837,0.0,0.07340867414058419,0.0,0.057625323921661836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665317187837809,0.0,0.0,0.06693331890564247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042020329509581546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467459808366883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765645268305975,0.3778022683705158,0.0,0.0,0.07329190419302828,0.11541802728215575,0.06732372508267266,0.07266633567691601,0.04303502563838063,0.05893747213348732,0.16469061134210985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03294490951013948,0.04654756989470234,0.0,0.07137538260208433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144036051037553,0.050339483449192486,0.0,0.0680828031581465,0.0,0.0,0.10929978240094156,0.0521113289948088,0.0,0.0,0.12902967386224873,0.11523474473594522,0.06935993818964843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734559404680516,0.06884105469986766,0.06535693561355001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939722891662896,0.057913783989833365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899095995930515,0.0,0.06662658258547004,0.0,0.031832005993341024,0.0,0.0,0.05766114651311245,0.0547147599019876,0.0,0.0,0.1661802980101898,0.05880597343007201,0.0,0.04349223916903326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563797102618389,0.0,0.0,0.06578914225610738,0.0,0.15602106302660976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015146592542758,0.0,0.0,0.12228927466416888,0.0,0.12503817529945366,0.0,0.13674084770262174,0.0,0.13245448991884734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045171073703455286,0.05689184104291525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234564046102299,0.07616405803795298,0.0,0.0,0.069301590690838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995332607479722,0.0,0.0,0.061978423673346085,0.10362957869495228,0.06523267737921949,0.06594150701827697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360790878282134,0.0,0.05389784442457204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055206598388028695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611786161214066,0.0,0.0,0.05447346277976952,0.0,0.06811535974916468,0.0,0.07127025790597374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898931950691268,0.10474009805912993,0.0,0.05998703318843949,0.07451174124773732,0.0,0.0,0.04174943300405788,0.0,0.05172670877225165,0.15197231097349606,0.0,0.0617604160909483,0.0,0.0,0.08847350407851941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882199318858998,0.0,0.0,0.192153940726564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616923779345323,0.19919906407712248,0.0925701256718358,0.07123802671596684,0.0,0.20979213680341516
suicidewatch,cnapcnsowc,2018/04/17,"Need help finding meaning after my mothers death My mother was everything to me she was the only person I could talk to about everything.And she was there for me during everything during school I would constantly text her about everything that was going on in school and I'd tell I loved her more times than I can count and she was always there to pick me up after school and when we were home I'd always see her around the house doing something like cleaning,cooking,reading or doing her make up or doing something with my sister and now im here in the hospital for the second day and I havent gone home and Ive been staying with my uncle because I just cant go home and see that shes not there anymore and theyre saying she'll probably never wake up.And I do wanna make her proud and become a nurse/doctor but its so goddam hard right now and I dont know if im gonna be able to continue to do anything without her.",2.712938481675394,4.40890127225131,4.016410340314138,87.52890870418852,75.54450261780104,6.450392670157068,22.932264397905758,7.1686216300943375,0.823620157068063,737,21,148,8,16,242,111,191,0.061,0.894,0.046,-0.6813,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,12,4,1,0,5,0,22,2,1,3,1,32,34,16,1,5,7,3,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,3,14,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,8,4,28,3,22,21,1,21,0,0,2,1,21,7,1,3,11,104,31,3,0.12222219129066428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339730833887507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212115716778359,0.0,0.0,0.10057844942660583,0.1088036628580107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745055133854236,0.13498480777065355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207876855627676,0.0,0.09758447443537488,0.0,0.0,0.07882320219287033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509959178368218,0.0,0.0,0.14324349792927588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295362737989799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170886859797774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389233758439762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094870765114862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192295848891185,0.0,0.3677964697586609,0.0,0.0,0.14102799888390613,0.0,0.0,0.26404188005448803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671701199469085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971158898327177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103102995127676,0.0,0.1631685235147754,0.0,0.0,0.13313579697869501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062620617026504,0.09426528868244967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929554840194224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067197031053221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177619418543562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222552663514177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043770835515198,0.0,0.09719599215388844,0.0,0.3710861481525767,0.19479052459641735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881852281831211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027259373583774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823756766511467,0.1068275823491882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126874262641243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781783089513312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682313796690634,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stuckincheese,2018/04/17,"I just can't move forwards There's just so many bad surprises in my life right now it's almost like a joke. I just don't know if I can get back up and move forwards at this point. I got expelled from school, fell back into unhealthy habits and I just want it all to end.",0.4107344632768388,2.3179202711864413,1.6449999999999996,100.78298022598871,83.57627118644069,4.611299435028251,18.30790960451977,5.46131890053228,-0.6857819209039548,212,5,52,1,6,67,45,59,0.156,0.715,0.129,-0.5553,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,7,4,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,6,6,1,15,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,2,7,32,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556413761703432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926126707258393,0.2131609206050996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261158694719333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338126282956211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418298150588665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030362612128094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032262781069133,0.12472439326352802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588293746998007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5426770254578795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133658719310186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802080028764567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583724838283131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057978862739696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway38473910183,2018/04/17,My antidepressant is working. I'm enjoying things again. I still want to kill myself. Anyone else been in this situation? I have a psychiatrist appointment soon but I was curious if anyone else has experienced this. I feel like I could more easily go through with it because of the increased energy and willpower the meds have given me.,4.207714285714282,7.4026712,5.452857142857141,71.23500000000003,78.66666666666666,9.428571428571429,28.57142857142857,9.606745405546679,3.711142857142857,272,12,43,9,7,90,50,60,0.043,0.679,0.278,0.9265,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,12,3,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,8,2,5,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33955768508508644,0.4975763818839931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801511021304292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938645354191966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056742597279005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277235336605505,0.17346396710194958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799488019323586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686339936979409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862501206634216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26970787921042416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272929328589096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939088878154117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131259759525385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321600430743955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676903510074635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,say1414,2018/04/17,"my life sucks so hard hi reddit i know the chances of someone reading this and giving a fuck is about 0.000001% but i will give it a shot in junior school i used to be the smartest kid in the whole school but when i went to highschool i lost all of my friends no one loved me no one give a fuck about me and all i did was watching porn like for 3-5 hours per day.. for like 3 years or more and now in college i cant make friends in matter of fact if i try no one would help me like i tried sitting near this boy in the lab as soon as he saw me putting the bag he left me to sit in the other table with the ""cool people"" im legit mate thinking about killing myself, no one love me im doing most of expieremnts that require 2 partners alone which takes double the time and most of the time i can hear them laughing about me my life sucks rn so much,and most of time people laugh behind my back in matter of fact just like last week when i went to lab i saw 3 girls laughing on me (they looked at me and then bursted in laughing) this happens alot with me 

",2.6344736842105263,3.2697281929824555,3.320131578947368,96.63967105263157,74.08771929824562,5.875438596491227,23.899122807017545,4.557286568694721,-0.010119298245613972,820,22,199,1,16,258,129,228,0.132,0.637,0.231,0.9837,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,2,12,19,5,0,13,1,9,7,0,2,4,28,31,16,1,2,5,0,1,4,4,2,2,1,0,4,7,7,0,1,2,1,0,3,5,6,0,4,7,7,29,13,33,21,9,31,0,1,4,5,19,12,4,6,18,125,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243203916156759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229975237598843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741285165757307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547798221727935,0.22194143975800226,0.0,0.3454464524158647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614683778250623,0.0,0.10752807011907556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352885304707743,0.0,0.08045714531279577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821061173820617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593174893101924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328012977801121,0.0,0.06596827313039243,0.09784480737294723,0.0,0.0,0.13041872729459453,0.0,0.16956899392925226,0.2345727781466914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079943782464816,0.0,0.13103273227233975,0.0,0.2166731270721386,0.0,0.08012450873999796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882397722471508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253561597172205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643475520683546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066865140685328,0.0,0.0,0.12006780408720095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296430610896094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170553780538967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025162268014418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691378677061454,0.0,0.0,0.2099806826140052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299220702908554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367197709435788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628509394660008,0.0,0.0,0.22254788997374506,0.0,0.13401514899228845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526964793223113,0.0,0.0,0.07729881109849382
suicidewatch,myeyesfailme,2018/04/17,"I yelled at my doctor and his staff today. I am an angry person. I yell at my girlfriend ( who has been SUPPORTING me for over 10 years) break her shit, punch holes in the wall. I yell at the dogs, and the cat.

Today I yelled at my doctor. Said if I come back, he will call the police.

I cant stop. Im tired of this. I have had less than 20 social interactions in the last year alone. I stay away, because I can not handle myself.

You know that person that is so annoying, you wish they would just go away forever? Thats me. I went away. I stay away! Then I got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. WTF. Why!? I cant talk to people. I cant handle myself. Now I am burning the bridges of the ones who are there to help me. If I burn these bridges, what am I supposed to do. Im fucked.",-0.9726798418972322,1.135465703030306,1.3678260869565229,98.0334782608696,95.0,4.566534914361002,15.05270092226614,6.280692351149826,-0.6072793148880105,591,13,140,7,23,198,104,165,0.134,0.784,0.08199999999999999,-0.8928,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,3,0,8,0,16,6,1,0,0,12,25,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,2,4,5,0,2,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,5,5,31,1,19,18,1,27,0,0,0,1,17,12,2,2,9,95,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927030641607804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053557498301962,0.10339908544746863,0.0,0.0819716288424525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373088459322667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583394868038265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648416106633945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752713682539512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124315295020455,0.0,0.0,0.0764223671831706,0.0,0.10754789707940317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013236795228273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29050122611361423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390116370459386,0.10961095060075604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112031314672547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322452678397997,0.2348279340851481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791170862344894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380314635901319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707517217846987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866541338173474,0.0,0.11242289309453156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259489720684768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080818461497312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455341757484187,0.2549235646625747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465498389319317,0.12133820764367342,0.0,0.15463379757972165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552358902009367,0.0,0.0,0.17318846839810514
suicidewatch,Suicide-Is-Bliss,2018/04/17,"I’m killing myself tonight My name is Sib. I’ve been dealing with PTSD, Major Depression and Severe Anxiety for several years now. Overtime I’ve grown cold and numb. I’ve given life several chances but it’s been such a failure. I’m at that point where I don’t see the point in anything. My only interests is to get drunk, get high, loose weight and die. I guess I’m posting this here today to see if maybe somebody out there cares. Maybe someone can change my mind. I’m not sure. During my lifetime I’ve dealt with traumatic events that still haunt me, I’ve dealt with bullying which never seems to end. Even though I’ve done interviews and spoke about it to several different services, it still doesn’t change a thing. 
I’ve just completely given up, I feel that nothing or no one can help me. 
To me, the entire system is a joke. 
All they can do is give you placebo medication.
Send you to A&E
Section you. (Put you in an institution)
Or just talk rubbish and label you. 

So.. That brings me to tonight. 
I’m escaping this world. 
It may hurt but I believe it’ll be worth it. ",2.119570943075616,4.48458543457944,3.1466270178419715,89.8281733220051,80.16822429906544,6.507731520815634,25.14783347493628,7.686295010490155,1.3738299065420558,849,33,173,14,22,271,132,214,0.198,0.716,0.086,-0.9826,1,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,5,1,0,13,8,1,0,6,0,16,5,0,0,3,26,34,12,2,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,14,9,2,0,2,2,1,4,5,4,0,1,6,6,19,4,17,25,3,27,0,2,2,0,14,11,0,6,10,99,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701741068502104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967974986608526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646935552695966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320767706975479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952262611543216,0.0,0.24802515996130264,0.0,0.1229122195182841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085779750283715,0.1009690372745655,0.0,0.1216650389102239,0.12247919802430235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996581518691928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382996629604636,0.0,0.0,0.07742855023260962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927442921376171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249447202852375,0.11245659553743474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291407954716252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857602750233504,0.12385871700610195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254959091892247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969635432810106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280220407229122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355442741820824,0.0,0.0,0.11809573391388585,0.0,0.0,0.1183677209522627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041411653889724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248424386359794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943730309658588,0.0891578234420281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216383111259065,0.0,0.1122728338607096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703425305854994,0.11784737371370095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683243257082802,0.10672074281013197,0.0,0.5297409334061212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932762472079784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723822309513172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104868043767616,0.0,0.0,0.09422410959024778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788163935360053,0.0,0.11517675054522625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111924319199278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275315843685085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549153630991531
suicidewatch,altswag2,2018/04/17,"Tried to commit suicide in 2014, thinking about it again I have bipolar and anxiety disorders. I am in university for math and can't handle exam stress. After 5 years of studying, I'm only done 23 out of 40 courses. I haven't failed a course, but I probably will fail cs this term - exam is today and after studying I don't ""get it"" (it's a useless course too). If I can't get a degree, I have no future and I will never ever get a degree at this rate. My grades are shit too (68 average).",1.0323529411764696,2.9732271372549057,3.774274509803924,86.17023529411766,81.54901960784314,6.04078431372549,21.964705882352945,7.1686216300943375,0.8363223529411772,376,12,77,5,10,133,68,102,0.204,0.745,0.051,-0.9526,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,1,4,0,12,2,1,0,3,11,17,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,11,14,1,13,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,1,9,53,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227262715210653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030363192703058,0.0,0.0,0.2705828310464433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23917362906214545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144293227705004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039289907840797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010954223859047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28507827923945045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714126639542613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028803137447621,0.0,0.0,0.2892211968127755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942300104510094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506293927130838,0.0,0.0,0.17951676819780793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027111917636953
suicidewatch,cst238,2018/04/17,"I've never felt so alone This is fucked. I loved him more then anything. I gave everything I could to make him happy. He left me because he didn't love me enough. He left me three days after he moved my clothes into his wardrobe. I never even suggested it.

I'm not only broken because of him, I'm broken because it feels no matter I do, it's not right. I've given so much of myself to others, yet I feel more alone then ever.

What's wrong with me?",0.14165550239234648,2.312123031578949,2.1866028708133998,94.76803827751198,87.10526315789473,4.296650717703351,17.057416267942585,5.565023196281405,-0.5474210526315789,348,8,76,2,11,116,61,95,0.177,0.6890000000000001,0.134,-0.6697,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,13,15,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,4,3,16,3,7,10,4,13,0,0,0,3,12,4,1,0,8,50,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696195626007541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684072204731588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263256724793225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246963209703012,0.0,0.0,0.11507888608412847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437597658013286,0.0,0.11785778148021173,0.16140898276843674,0.0,0.0,0.1603701543796248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044901279057188,0.0,0.1713301569151089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649646868470581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995244727694732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877506522549976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220977082477398,0.0,0.11910992834398387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965323014430646,0.13117375837589262,0.0,0.2752474935344945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571148162937374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523865838186586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509587042708765,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,super_saiyan_drulk,2018/04/17,"I want to die because I did something horrible My brother (M25) roommate/friend (F25) and I went out drinking I got waayy to drunk to the point where I blacked out and apparently I tried to get in bed with her.
I know it's not an excuse that I was drunk I don't need anyone to tell me this I already feel bad enough.
We have been living together for the better part of the year and I have never done this to anyone ever. I don't even know what happened my brother just tells me that I tried to get with her.
I apologized and naturally she was very short with me and refuses to look at me and I completely understand that.
I don't know what to do I'm guilt ridden to the point that I only function on automatic I'm numb, I don't eat I only get out of my room to go to work and barely talk to anyone at work once I come back I isolate myself for the rest of the day and I'm very seriously considering taking my own life. 
How could I do this to one of my dearest friends?. I know I'm a pig, and I don't deserve to live. ",0.764095238095237,2.542419236363638,3.1384415584415604,91.2207575757576,81.63636363636364,6.190476190476191,21.83982683982684,7.2636822038024595,0.5979372294372287,792,25,183,11,21,273,114,220,0.123,0.828,0.049,-0.9204,1,0,2,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,8,0,15,6,0,1,2,32,37,10,1,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,10,17,4,1,6,3,0,4,7,4,0,1,7,3,38,2,31,29,4,21,0,0,2,0,13,12,0,0,5,124,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557969776208887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767297212460641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144021659248574,0.1101497305996745,0.08041869759517102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166746814337725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363950456670655,0.1383181729357828,0.0,0.0,0.10532933715932803,0.0,0.0,0.08507906291229728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691466933212226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500246302962626,0.0,0.12923377203058609,0.0,0.13498959500959026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363111500706543,0.0,0.08713353028050955,0.11933140358628926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670395167210602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038459064615291,0.0,0.20677209677104147,0.0,0.07497456525870158,0.0,0.1055104300641385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665858182807043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900045013043884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318072383056618,0.0,0.0,0.2329798705244875,0.0,0.11078162770882087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781882087708713,0.10174672181721414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049309771371618,0.08939406244821141,0.2006659271106553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285915144587116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494187019619117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101560342781944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991892601748606,0.10603426360782056,0.2306120620985707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791333601477677,0.0,0.0,0.13733591702783005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769966519347467,0.07781127565024648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229342755533926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920822213015444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495372889226438
suicidewatch,jseandmarkimoo,2018/04/17,"This is no way to live Hello, Reddit. I feel kind of weird posting here because I’ve never reached out to an online suicide community before. But, here it goes. So, I’ve had severe social anxiety and a low grade depression ever since high school. I’m 25 now. However, the depression has gotten significantly worse after graduating from college a few years ago. That’s when I started having intense suicidal thoughts. For the past 3-4 years I’ve been in and out of psych. wards, been put on countless antidepressants, have had TMS therapy, and several rounds of ECT. And nothing seems to work. I mean, maybe for the short term, but nothing long term. I’m currently considering taking my life, yet again. I just don’t see the point in trying anymore. I feel directionless and unmotivated. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for by posting here. Support, I guess? I might try again tonight, I haven’t decided yet. It’s either that or drink my sorrows away and get outrageously drunk. Sorry if the post is kind of long, I just needed to vent. ",3.2712244897959195,5.899459387755108,4.607510204081635,79.48391836734696,77.57142857142857,7.593469387755103,27.1469387755102,8.548686976883017,2.3213151020408174,824,34,148,18,20,272,133,196,0.193,0.7829999999999999,0.024,-0.9782,2,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,1,13,10,1,0,8,0,12,3,0,0,3,28,30,12,2,2,8,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,6,2,0,1,5,6,0,0,6,5,11,4,20,23,4,35,0,4,3,0,2,10,0,5,20,85,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747734030110798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927529244705618,0.0,0.12024353822424112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139146896442816,0.0,0.0,0.07391048909495371,0.0,0.10317148959679093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885815364511398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877500611176185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967402690166872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261132895908908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334607606003002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356623391941222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810314748471718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25251828292284384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856396967183973,0.0,0.0,0.10706251589914996,0.2145979426989032,0.10181617623195248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218079906852314,0.13207253293911198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862293764263538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990243699434537,0.09351245665746843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326777804529573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574310904854684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461674214269013,0.0,0.3483607066721933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218858055407523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767334783204395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227075127735236,0.09661743332675624,0.1103778836592614,0.0,0.27394713331913834,0.0,0.10029601585175256,0.0,0.0,0.12359511652449658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572506751224506,0.08581860422587613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26524707965638816,0.1375886223711504,0.11427300183881366,0.0,0.09116196794675244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386554668579232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625584953107212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646362681523833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623950009224122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826859516122512,0.0,0.1235601207038562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615700926856088
suicidewatch,NoChefs,2018/04/17,"Cant deal with this Well fuck here it goes again up late can't sleep because my mind is fucking racing it's just one of those days you feel me-?

The thought of ending my life is there all the time when I wake up, when I eat, when I got to sleep it never leaves, I really don't want to die but life just keep beating me to it, you know from being emotionaly abused most of my childhood to self distraction I just can't get a break can't even feel happiness if I'm not drunk or high but even then it's just 10 minutes of being happy and after that it's wanting to die or crying my self to sleep, wish I could go to the past and fix some shit.

But for now I'm going to write some letters just in case.",3.855230880230877,3.354994551948053,4.722294372294375,91.68280663780665,71.01298701298701,7.8834054834054825,24.25396825396825,6.937597516519254,0.5696790764790767,547,11,134,4,9,178,96,154,0.166,0.722,0.112,-0.8794,0,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,2,0,1,15,7,3,1,4,0,10,11,5,0,2,31,26,12,2,5,12,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,3,2,1,4,1,0,2,7,4,1,1,2,2,14,3,19,21,4,21,0,0,0,2,7,4,3,6,14,87,23,0,0.0,0.16264639373142156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368051943394696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096015467633632,0.0,0.15078825595423997,0.08852991145534289,0.14152272753213152,0.0,0.0,0.28493599101826417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046483922737574,0.0,0.0,0.1215833842201271,0.0,0.0,0.18133541805642006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881899337185738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538138770156661,0.07171962482883289,0.0,0.15603114083656178,0.0,0.10978998488526147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922599255237863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503676073463498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201480160917612,0.0,0.0,0.07544180654820498,0.0,0.15485024287459734,0.14535258641947796,0.0,0.0,0.19392035943246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860688401617774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587361878485634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301992948995746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104288179772913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794078042710246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864119455464273,0.0,0.14090905273640522,0.0,0.0,0.4121172615601409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897965344225947,0.08004515547099418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619346783507631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342516763202807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785750126284515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,textend,2018/04/17,"just need to finally say it in full where someone will hopefully understand I don't know even really how to start to say this. I'm a bit of a mess  for as long as i can remember i have had extreme issues with mecidal professionals and anything that has to do with them, everytime i have to go to get dental work done or even something as simple as a physical, I get violent PTSD its like my body and mind just shut down completely,   i shake, i hyperventilate and then it turns violent really fast and i have no control or memory of it when it happens,  now i'm a big guy (6'4 230lbs)  it scares most doctors when i get like this understandably, but when it happens and i'm amaware thats its happening i get extremely vivd images and memories of being tortured to death by medical staff although its hasn't actually happened to me in this lifetime, its so real i can remember the smells even right down to the taste in my mouth when i died.  so going to hospitals triggers that ""fight or flight"" response in me and I truly feel like im about to die every single time, so getting to today, i havent been to the dentist in years  and my dental health is laughably terrible i'm only 24 and my teeth are basically falling out, so i forced myself to try and get looked at and it happened again, i freaked out as soon as i was in the chair, i screamed, shook,and even knocked the doctor and three nurses to the floor trying to calm me down,  i have no conscious memory of doing it, but they all insist that it happened.  I can't be helped, so much is going wrong with me and i can't fix it and worst of all no one that i talk to understands  i just get the same ""we all have to do things we don't want to do"" speech  and i'm told to ""get over it""   it hurts me down to my soul, even now an hour after this all  happened i can't stop shaking, I feel like there is no place for someone like me, i can't get help for my health, I can't even take fucking eye drops,  so i've decided killing myself is the only way out of this, i've come to terms with it and its the only option i can think of",3.957688492063493,4.344553942129632,5.259087301587304,84.83750000000002,70.9212962962963,8.671428571428573,27.92857142857143,8.738905477910976,1.8556988095238087,1621,54,354,27,28,543,204,432,0.185,0.753,0.063,-0.9957,0,0,1,0,1,1,34.0,2,0,2,2,27,23,6,3,14,0,34,12,4,3,4,61,75,40,4,3,8,0,2,5,0,1,6,4,0,1,29,26,1,2,11,0,0,7,13,16,0,2,5,10,46,7,60,67,12,51,1,1,2,1,12,22,1,6,25,248,75,5,0.0,0.0,0.07450319245042451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282668254222007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335062855626284,0.08480377496061961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576576860523929,0.08004787586744931,0.0,0.0856291164105876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847127275486614,0.0,0.0,0.15628780089496264,0.0,0.07812899905359988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025569468312059,0.0,0.06432523766691815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772061910591613,0.10908394128458596,0.0,0.08363388317095319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058112944907242,0.3589911603921709,0.0,0.13016846374548788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559506006113073,0.4725908414772863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230556573385738,0.0,0.0,0.10234692889470663,0.0,0.0,0.07582932299803448,0.07518594543178404,0.0,0.08173053094332397,0.0,0.08246734499590548,0.07968593362221138,0.0,0.0,0.08446611502424434,0.0,0.041958051911575166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649527142894928,0.0,0.0,0.06756426957268646,0.06411185020023913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691108895326561,0.0,0.0,0.07708822337302365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612347828619745,0.056609978753150984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051734379237814786,0.17419491108704033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976586606456693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924499875935993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689905652949212,0.09781907404211257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297145334632869,0.06519951272224951,0.0,0.1214276373963093,0.07643618737957987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937632084133424,0.05877528266541693,0.0,0.0,0.054038461295075765,0.0,0.0,0.06382911104573848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574030831765515,0.061364442508330924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050721236861263216,0.04891976862360032,0.0,0.0,0.04451827099840292,0.0,0.07236757598535085,0.07295237362393625,0.0,0.10366855397580263,0.08304309258801952,0.0,0.238438266029367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045031156804179205,0.0606003156041067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558117737077284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347293683744719,0.0,0.04916465711271458
suicidewatch,LucySparky,2018/04/17,"Questions about Suicide So I've been considering suicide, I have a history of that shit. I'm in a bad depression. I don't know why I'm thinking of suicide. I'm bipolar, so I know this is all bound to end, rather soon, soon being probably in 6 months at least. So it's not that I believe this is a never ending pain thing. But the depression really hurts and I'm scared I'm going to commit suicide. I don't want to actually die, I want to live and enjoy life. I don't want the ones I love to grieve, although I wish they would understand where I'm coming from, understood how bad things are. I go to work and just cry and it's so embarrassing. 

I feel like I can't trust myself. I'm afraid if I get in my car and drive I'm going to drive to where I where I want to commit it. I'm scared I'm going to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping and commit it. I feel like I'm on the brink of doing that. I feel like this is the end and I can't imagine actually living another week or so. I feel like I want to do this and this is my destiny. I'm scared this is going to be one big impulse and I won't be able to take it back.

So I've been telling myself suicide is an active, conscious decision. It won't happen unless I decide to do it. So here are my questions, what if I /decide/ to do it, and go off to do it, how do I stop myself, what am I suppose to do? When people commit suicide, do they have a clear reason in their mind?

I see a therapist and psychiatrist. My pdoc just gave me a new anti depressant so I'm really hoping it works sooner rather than later. I do all they say to treat depression but it's not work. So yes I do exercise and all these different things a therapist would suggest. ",1.2305500040620707,2.815225643431635,3.718449914696564,88.53507839792023,79.4289544235925,6.880461450970834,22.294987407587943,7.793537801064563,0.9342500446827526,1347,41,302,22,33,471,157,373,0.175,0.741,0.084,-0.9796,1,0,0,0,0,8,39.0,0,0,4,3,25,24,1,5,15,1,36,7,2,3,9,66,78,32,8,13,12,0,4,4,0,4,4,1,0,0,26,14,0,2,17,1,0,10,10,15,0,2,4,6,40,9,36,67,4,40,0,6,1,1,11,15,1,6,19,204,66,3,0.07551830718044415,0.0,0.14738994832267466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918752964119752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806891675485261,0.12610926418774526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508327162583768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505233478805088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295331437120082,0.0,0.0,0.2601752292658281,0.0,0.0783760800502285,0.0789005577512197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066041542228807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216097877687087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273730072670855,0.21580117495592224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03945519859859792,0.0,0.25751276574431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678058963662731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500671870846809,0.0,0.08713798720422429,0.08084390974344514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300577330403949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053340813703219914,0.1475777212453097,0.0,0.1333680975997144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815822066191582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762519624028005,0.0,0.060277992304753975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824437405352127,0.0729360516592307,0.0,0.07086881553842042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234631874924076,0.0,0.08035680327653884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235488555727829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142150788230643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691955744372248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675792267312908,0.07764539733779642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600551889527941,0.22682099928848815,0.0,0.060178313434623085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775184570934913,0.0,0.0,0.0755728455987346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313668628880381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956286256289994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056780368630404324,0.0,0.06600632907983549,0.0,0.0,0.17536515041902614,0.15051302301209912,0.04838908194563259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861722107098851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271327093448645,0.0,0.06057623082608415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814352610906955,0.0,0.08684232631540567,0.0,0.0,0.16493468113818285,0.0,0.0,0.10729207738980773,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopesDieLast90,2018/04/17,I want to die because I'm a lonely worthless fuck. 20 year old virgin. My parents wish I was dead and I ain't got no friends I ain't got no friend I ain't got nooo friendsssss lalalala. Ima kill myself. ,-1.864068322981368,0.0206166304347839,0.3119875776397514,104.53021739130438,100.08695652173913,2.6285714285714294,19.614906832298136,3.1291,-0.9279962732919254,159,6,40,0,7,52,32,46,0.475,0.388,0.13699999999999998,-0.9691,1,2,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,11,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,7,2,1,7,0,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196592609121878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25872545990819834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852043477658903,0.2304661893616375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5981441143586383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758043660078492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158973753379017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276808966892023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470387225624362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28667318907824946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605357021697216
suicidewatch,Snelly1998,2018/04/17,"My friend is planning suicide So I'm sitting here in school and my friend who is diagnosed with depressed, OCD, And schizophrenia. She texts me after not being in school for a while saying she was planning suicide but isn't sure if she wants to do it. I'm trying talk her out of it right now but I need advice and help",2.3194358974358984,4.354251738461542,2.976538461538464,93.01762820512822,77.76923076923076,4.94871794871795,23.14102564102564,5.46131890053228,0.21433333333333326,253,8,52,1,6,79,48,65,0.142,0.748,0.109,-0.3276,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,10,8,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,8,8,0,8,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,3,37,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596486600504054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916650946289105,0.234703539530026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35731060709003204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499517027723927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714613890420182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747753421648104,0.0,0.1838911781511915,0.0,0.4680540659284438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058776406704494,0.0,0.21794078425834507,0.0,0.0,0.18586180002199412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699665196994236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639123111989734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Voltadox,2018/04/17,"My existence is problematic I am a piece of human garbage.
Everything I do is selfish, I make the most stupid decisions and I am easily manipulated.
The world would be much better off without me because everyone that I have ever been associated with has suffered. I can't take it anymore.
It's not even like my life is bad. I'm heavily privileged, but nothing makes me happy, I just spiral further and further into nothingness. I'm not okay with who I am, I have never been and most likely never will. I'm sensitive and attention seeking, you can tell because I'm writing this. If i didn't ache for attention I would just keep this myself.
I ruin everyone's lives. Everyone I know that was a genuinely amazing human when I first met them has become a shadow of their former self.
I do;t see a way out of this.
Has anyone else been in this position?",2.392969696969697,4.98979317575758,4.7195454545454565,77.55265151515152,80.87878787878788,8.03030303030303,27.34848484848485,8.841846274778883,2.7683939393939387,674,30,119,18,18,234,105,165,0.156,0.76,0.084,-0.8648,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,2,2,5,12,1,0,6,1,23,1,0,3,3,31,34,7,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,9,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,6,1,23,7,11,24,4,14,0,2,1,0,10,7,0,3,8,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734506718615696,0.11798716334649753,0.17289441065660158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089112869752513,0.2057250800503016,0.1863604391297652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923711086840336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096089486530514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145139767284414,0.15263529060671047,0.0,0.4837158544984738,0.15165292971020264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435304399596775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962722082926308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998415998231973,0.0,0.0,0.09273527337219586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918628653804116,0.16487600534966038,0.0,0.14900080437461966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252709634260031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404355932533645,0.0,0.26028589266731744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191089923689644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446419749614874,0.0,0.17603296688248762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687172945977124,0.0,0.14748648745413906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339382211031067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265965826494222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397365805139823,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nenhuma_Ideia,2018/04/17,"Is suicide a solution in my particular case? Hello.

Let me tell you a bit about me. (if you answer, don't do it in a hurry, please take your time. Thank you very much.)
I do not have depression but I have high suicidal thinking and I would like to know if suicide would be a solution for me (I'm being very serious, I know that death is not a joke and a lot of people want to get attention by saying they want to kill themselves but I'm not one of them (even though I was a few years ago)) Let me describe what I think.
First of all, I'm one of the failures. The dumb ones. I do not have or had bad results at school but I am too dumb for being friend with the smart people and the others are just too superficial and don't want me. I am very alone when being myself and I hate being with people. But I have ""friends"" (sort of) because if I don't have I know people will make fun of me and it is very annoying. What I do is doing things others want just for them to accept me. For example watching an anime they like (although I hate those) playing that game, doing this thing... etc. So yeah it is easy to make friends but I don't really like them. What makes me feel like the worst piece of shit ever is that a few weeks ago I talked to a priest (even though I do not believe in god) and said that was a sin. So I know that the church would think I sin every day, every minute I spend with my ""friends"". So okay. I am a bad person. I admit it. I have also another thing I want to say that makes me bad but I won't, simply because I know some people would not understand and will just want to get rid of me with spamming me with messages like ""kill yourself! Do it now!"" and I do not want a crowd mad at me. I also suffer from being in love with someone. I know it's just a chemical reaction in the brain but it makes me feel so bad. Some say I should talk to a psychologist but they don't care! They just want the money you feed them with. It may annoy you to read this so don't do it if it does. But for those who answer I assume my case interests you and I appreciate it. I would also like to say I am scared as shit of death. I do not know what comes after and it terrorises me. But if suicide is a solution then I'll go for it. Some may answer ""life is beautiful, it'll be okay..."" I know these types of answer and I've read a lot of them on this forum before posting. I'm glad life is beautiful for you. For me it's not and it never was. I do not say I will ignore every answer that says I shouldn't kill myself, but if I find another copy paste like ""don't kill yourself life is beautiful etc"" I will ignore it. If I have a serious answer, then I really apreciate it. I would be glad that you took some time for me. I will read every answer. Also if you think I should commit suicide, say what you think. Depression is a disease and I had it once. I don't have it and I know how it feels. I'm being neutral here. Enough talking. You may be annoyed of reading by now. Thanks in advance.

I might edit this post if I think I forgot to say something.",0.4026672492698289,2.353870007704163,2.5695793758480328,93.89281075362787,83.89984591679506,5.600358760895064,18.46930984522687,6.8221615863531175,0.002775848032564365,2341,57,539,28,67,791,222,649,0.228,0.603,0.168,-0.9974,0,1,1,0,0,6,85.0,0,12,9,2,27,54,14,1,27,3,81,8,3,7,4,132,133,53,11,26,36,0,3,7,4,20,3,9,0,1,47,23,1,3,31,7,2,4,21,29,0,4,8,13,95,25,55,93,16,33,4,3,1,1,46,10,4,22,24,399,142,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176929780773392,0.0,0.0,0.0536107082497141,0.0,0.16557894987611554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855573620102353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728792914452512,0.06310831349071035,0.0,0.044046378183298915,0.05831901330666885,0.0,0.0,0.056511632600051924,0.0,0.0,0.057784466617497664,0.0,0.0,0.05277568179521901,0.0,0.0,0.04458911729226615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033382760069018656,0.0,0.08916654453736203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529802435799151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348486762520429,0.11545853529987772,0.06837775677711164,0.04682246698846205,0.17444975573232252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851856631122375,0.03697939487210361,0.0,0.0,0.04731031288050271,0.04402945911222955,0.0,0.0,0.1599674174472663,0.0,0.05408791195072337,0.0,0.029418024101772924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221020816672044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469029964222087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290717246928385,0.0,0.25602760888315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586205518270586,0.10968490860906052,0.17702101856299662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801385871105112,0.0467179987532832,0.0,0.1727605425741783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491221050113256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805165527942825,0.0,0.03992270584520394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551257525857432,0.10522755315416764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049413503412493835,0.17942923498000696,0.045197329520876975,0.0,0.05682007210598724,0.0,0.0,0.09914901549030236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710745619276547,0.0,0.06632122239862558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923832990104275,0.3293112074086189,0.051823649243722236,0.05238677404656485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626765624689266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385850015274158,0.0398495756718882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831008166165965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891922595873159,0.12481506941715463,0.045243017932591036,0.09531256701475,0.0,0.0,0.1031668249720192,0.19900528928611605,0.10171348696959977,0.0,0.0603666755303013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575104379341736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053886958906972635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083910991711282,0.2442485901260205,0.0,0.04152104102378496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062508773215272,0.0,0.0,0.03333358233508478
suicidewatch,CleanExpression,2018/04/17,"I don’t wanna try anymore. I don’t get the point of it now. every time I make an effort to feel better its effects are only temporary. I end up feeling just as shitty as I did before and there’s no relief. Everyone around me gets relief and I get nothing. They meet nice people, make friends, they have luck that I just don’t. I don’t understand. I want to die in the fastest, least painful way possible. There is no point in continuing to suffer when every time I get up I get knocked back down again. ",1.6911650485436884,3.761415834951457,3.3202038834951466,89.60380097087379,79.97087378640776,6.061747572815534,22.921359223300968,7.1686216300943375,0.8201697087378639,393,13,82,5,10,130,68,103,0.16,0.657,0.184,0.1714,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,3,9,8,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,3,0,14,19,5,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,2,14,6,13,18,1,18,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,9,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655026582447694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584775721852229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368881447210034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514838483865286,0.0,0.0,0.15744623990251133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475902062843394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767490033760864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999828980086514,0.17010791759245428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002682755767008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753957198548086,0.0,0.4650464687124945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376625086364472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081717902300256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353939659910608,0.1894282575077798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341823391112908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365771931210182,0.20069337244968866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761244626234174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086544248409894,0.0,0.0,0.1853274718548848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500215318867767,0.14130579967144172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ErrorErrorErr0r,2018/04/17,"I want to stop being me, even just for a while. I know the people in my university hate me.
They don't even care enough to return a smile when I pass them in the halls, my ""good mornings, how ya doin'?"" always go unanswered or I get grunts in response.

I know my parents just want me out of their lives
One side of my family disowned me when I was 12, the other side has just cut ties with me at 22. Even though they don't say it, I know my mom resents me for keeping her from having a fulfilling career 

I know my ""friends"" hate me. I've never had a relationship with another person last very long, because I fuck it up in one way or another.

I've lost all interest in everything, I just sit at my desk feeling sorry for myself and I can't take it anymore. Every time I try to open up about this albatross of a depression, I'm treated like I'm made of glass or that I'm retarded. 


I just want to take a break from being me, even for a day.



I let it slip that I was gonna step in front of a train in front a ""friend"", she only hung out with me that day because she didn't want that on her conscious. 
I hate myself for saying anything at all. I wish I just went to that platform and jumped. ",2.280701060952776,3.2655406482213465,3.968375286041191,90.32816933638443,75.32411067193675,7.065446224256292,23.59246931558145,7.475848149327749,0.7984355731225291,916,26,211,11,19,308,134,253,0.14,0.778,0.081,-0.9565,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,4,1,15,15,6,0,12,0,12,1,0,2,3,35,39,10,0,5,9,2,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,11,8,0,2,6,0,0,7,5,8,0,2,7,3,45,7,36,28,3,41,0,2,0,1,17,20,1,3,12,142,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771859212730634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462899018032439,0.0,0.0,0.11646785525954136,0.0,0.0,0.09664222753568187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317935538489612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973680932782604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147678026142544,0.0,0.10114997266277304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213458013031914,0.0,0.31026920532278857,0.0,0.09894735808651928,0.0,0.10554653187073068,0.0,0.11071096521048997,0.0,0.05938064832954281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146604183977827,0.1085703923227018,0.06135699037781736,0.0,0.06674324656464171,0.09850219711862222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478398702863756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438511113454388,0.0,0.0,0.25816544408929804,0.09572839695735144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008925593465038,0.0,0.05737472591729938,0.0,0.10370072096689784,0.1039297516455336,0.0,0.0,0.12819845780432304,0.0,0.0,0.11112354890104424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754304774623272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057613762691576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915930771478487,0.08931759326683446,0.0,0.0,0.13040202650615465,0.0,0.0,0.08141736256483594,0.10254313810605144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126085453470465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678429112484726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314632599103011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981841985519006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765989099255703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538314599708853,0.0,0.06847958066911443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973332011356751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689941102633916,0.2770740790994294,0.09321755108445462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886705858709647,0.0,0.0,0.13504896615349873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Question20188,2018/04/17,"Would like to talk someone through pm Hello, 

I am having strong suicidal thoughts. I have to go to work and am trying to stop crying. 

I am a woman, who is a survivor of child sexual abuse, racism, bullying, and ongoing verbal/emotional/sexual abuse during my adult years from friends and a provider. The context was that I was trying to discuss something on a different sub for survivors, but something had triggered me. 

Now, i am back to feeling like i want to die and that i dont matter. Theres no point in being on this planet when people lack empathy and fail to understand someone else’s point of view. How sad is it that people try to get help, and grown adults try to stomp them?

I would prefer to talk to a male, but anyone thats a good listener and can give good feedback can help. I have a lot of meds that i am tempted to overdose on. 

",5.585714285714289,5.677459476190478,6.133428571428571,81.01157142857146,67.33333333333333,9.100952380952384,31.68095238095239,8.841846274778883,2.485448095238095,664,25,130,10,10,216,104,168,0.18600000000000005,0.6459999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.6837,1,0,2,0,2,2,20.0,0,0,1,3,5,8,0,0,8,0,19,0,0,2,0,22,27,11,2,5,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,5,8,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,3,13,6,23,20,2,13,0,2,1,0,16,6,0,1,7,88,21,3,0.0,0.334577073221046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872420080259488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856735157222706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550919519205089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653422025398974,0.14751479916156074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654750866615499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179471672619796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139053538829712,0.1008670530657928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908400502669824,0.0,0.0737665976393138,0.13544350691948487,0.08024223783074312,0.23684903371873176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927502960331785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795782013902255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003574676974922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683164301547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957684621814734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26694272561907434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392617660506898,0.21739183552610786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804220227423405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444030488544935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269683477127987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209007667752237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834383470927584,0.0,0.0,0.1469850645859042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327825396648016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278890735513203,0.0,0.0,0.20059641780592424,0.0,0.0,0.09092253212619172
suicidewatch,radlup,2018/04/17,"Why should I go on if my dreams are gone? Ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed of passing playing in the NHL. I played a lot of hockey, and I feel like I was pretty good at it, despite never playing on a real team. While it might seem like a regular dream that a kid has, that dream only got realer for me, especially in high school. Im a senior now, about to graduate, and ive always been a good student with good grades, problem is, I never enjoyed any of the subject, they all seemed so dull and boring, and still do. It was in sophomore year I realized that hockey was the only thing I really enjoyed and saw myself doing in the future, I never saw myself as an engineer, businessman, etc., I just saw myself as a hockey player. So then, I decided to work on focus on getting to the NHL. I studied hard so I could get into a good hockey college with maybe a decent scholarship, and went to the gym/went out for a run so I would be physically fit for being a hockey player, and I ended up getting into the college I wanted, with a decent scholarship. However, just about a week ago, my parents said no, and told me I had to go to cuny. I couldn't tell them my dreams because I know for a fact that they'd just call it stupid and dumb. So, having committed to cuny, I just don't see the point anymore. Even if I couldn't make it to the NHL I at least wanted a shot at my dream, to be able to take the tiny tiny chance, but now it's dead, with no chance. Now I stuggle to see the point in going on. I now have no dreams, no goals for my future, and no matter how hard I look, there's no tthing I enjoy doing. So now I just wonder what's the point of trying anymore? no matter what I do or how hard I try, it all seems so pointless.",4.066632627646328,3.889391131506852,5.6547011207970135,84.07139165628892,70.56164383561644,8.061021170610212,25.90597758405977,7.520522993642371,1.2161780821917805,1333,34,288,13,22,457,171,365,0.12,0.7559999999999999,0.124,-0.7469,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,3,3,25,17,2,0,29,0,27,0,0,3,8,58,54,27,1,10,9,1,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,14,17,0,0,8,16,2,7,13,5,0,0,14,11,44,12,45,30,5,49,0,1,6,0,11,23,1,9,21,211,58,12,0.10352924501614176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177242910961214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614462540833033,0.0,0.0,0.07040343678006072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534638383602327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631104668381292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057149344249976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265967789405063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169618197636384,0.0,0.11546247491298445,0.06838008992559745,0.09364812927823568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052347496985917404,0.07396131332565296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226927252677673,0.0,0.17651416732518307,0.3473416752311177,0.08280179481592859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782256049550437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938433150953404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111829350325074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056896965537209236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115831930145552,0.10376350161472636,0.0,0.0,0.08693849130691886,0.0,0.0,0.08801686187188676,0.0,0.0,0.06910657496603725,0.0,0.10400904189503334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982816837119977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395444083958616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747731208245674,0.0,0.0,0.1149569747303062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936058004486073,0.0,0.0,0.1053264616168482,0.0,0.09906350555050207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783894626457878,0.06632348537516809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984800199689078,0.0,0.0,0.10477712311893644,0.16499880860265406,0.2827474091285498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564046131905081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267858880406849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784110787862349,0.0,0.09048912338029687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878023011606453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892663026124962,0.0,0.14057912305567105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212846212153244,0.0,0.0830449155641566,0.0,0.0,0.19194529469017013,0.09341904068311273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227304995808772,0.07537052339910831,0.0,0.0,0.07354420526031524,0.0,0.0,0.0666694394507654
suicidewatch,TheRealRealForbes,2018/04/17,"I'm planning my good byes I've gone to the Dr. I have called the referal office. I havent had a reply yet. Some days are good, most are bad. I want to end it. I want to go and see the people who have meant the most to me, even if I don't mean anything to them. I want to see my friend Jack, as he is a life long friend although he doesn't understand mental health. I want to see my friend Ben, we habe had a wierd friendship but we have always been mates. I will go and see my mum and my grandad in uttoxeter. I will see my brotyer and my sisters and my mums dog. I live with my dad so I can see him whenever. Maybe all in a week before I do it. I want help, but I don't want to live.",-0.4924301075268822,1.02392805806452,1.6864516129032268,101.3763440860215,84.54838709677419,4.907526881720432,17.43010752688172,5.6839178017228535,-0.7847505376344079,519,11,139,3,15,174,84,155,0.017,0.813,0.17,0.9341,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,8,0,17,3,0,0,1,25,36,11,0,7,3,4,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,5,6,28,5,12,29,4,10,0,0,6,0,18,2,0,4,6,84,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590351468922388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473699365306777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626982941610448,0.0,0.0,0.1083021814077426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996264198352925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820822479850765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272842512053607,0.0,0.0,0.08406434903582129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949984932632495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446673399419527,0.21350550908229485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528803623126887,0.0,0.0,0.08531016765728687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898985369499639,0.0,0.0,0.22477341490744013,0.11263492177313622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786547093253253,0.1386404662494732,0.0,0.0,0.12826389306250904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823689192236675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6085331615661952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249841280406094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504227624516194,0.0,0.10209282812045926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Liv3urway,2018/04/17,"Last year of University, potentially failed 3 classes, might now have to do a half year, no support from family and teachers and now I want to die. I'm sorry if this will be a bit too long, but I feel like it's necessary. I'm currently in my 5th year of University (decided to do an extra year from the standard 4 to ease the stress) and I was set on planning to graduate at the end of April. 

I was originally taking classes on a 4:4 schedule (4 classes in the fall semester and 4 classes in the winter semester), but I was out of school for a month and in-and-out of the hospital for a medical issue in the fall semester so I was forced to do a 3:5 schedule instead. 

This is kind of a summary of events to explain my situation. For my final exam schedule, I was set up to take my first 2 on the 14th and the 15th, with the last remaining few taking place next week. Prior to my finals taking place however, I had a 1000 word paper due on the 9th (this wasn't a huge issue), which was to be handed in to a prof named ""T"" and a 15 page paper due on the 11th, which was to be handed in to a prof named ""K"". I also had a 10 page essay to hand in prior to these 2 papers that was due on March the 29th, which was to be handed in to a prof named ""H"", and another 8 page, which was also to be handed in to ""K"". So, needless to say, I was pretty stressed and freaking out, especially for the paper due on the 11th and the exams on the 14th and 15th. This was also on-top of the 3, 3 hour lectures I attended per week, rehearing lecture recordings to make sure I had good notes and making my notes for exams. (Summary of schedule of papers to hand in and exam dates: March 23rd - 8 page paper for ""K"", March 29 - 10 page paper for ""H"", April 9 - 1000 word paper for ""T"", April 11th - 15 page paper for ""K"", April 14th - Final Exam for a prof called ""D"" and April 15th - Final Exam for a prof called ""Da"").   

(This is my first possible failed course - the 15 page paper class) What ended up happening was that I was so busy with attending lectures, rehearing lecture recordings, making notes to study for my finals, doing papers and studying for finals that I ended up with only a day-and-a-half prior to when the 15 page paper was due to finish it. Stressing out at how little time I had, I even sent an email to ""K"" explaining my situation and asking for a possible extension for a little reprieve. ""K""'s reply was ""I understand, but I'm not going to extend it"" (which is perfectly understandable and expected). In the end, I finished the 15 page paper within 30 minutes of the deadline. However, the paper was worth 40% and I had approx. a 75% before giving in my final paper. The fact that I gave in a 15 page paper, worth 40%, last minute is what is making me think that I failed/did badly on the course.

(This is for my exam on the 14th - which is my second possible failed course) This exam was for my class with ""D"", which was a law class. I had an 85% going in and the exam was worth 50%. I did study extensively prior so I didn't go in blind. The main issue I had came about from the amount of material that needed to be studied and remembered. We were expected to know the maximum-minimum punishments of every offence, the existence of certain punishments if specific factors existed (i.e. Manslaughter with a firearm is a minimum sentence of 4 years, Manslaughter without, has no minimum sentence), Court cases, drug offences, domestic violence, programs in place in the justice system to aid victims and offenders, theories and principles related to law (there were possibly more but I can't think of anymore off the top of my head). There were so many concepts that it was impossible to remember everything going into the exam. Another problem was that the exam was insanely hard; definitely the hardest exam I've ever taken in my 5 years at University. It was until after the exam that I found out from other test takers that ""D"" intentionally designs his/her exams to make them very hard and that he/she is known for bell-curving the marks for his exams every year.        

(This is for my exam on the 15th - which is my third possible failed course) Similar to my exam on the 14th, I had studied extensively so I didn't go in blind. I had a 78% and the exam was worth 60%. I took classes with ""Da"" in the past so I was familiar how his/her exams were conducted - 6 long answer questions. Prior, I had studied the topics and concepts that ""Da"" had spent 2-3 weeks covering, the presentations that were professionally done, concepts that had 6-9 bullet points attached, etc. What ended up happening at the exam was that, of the 99% of the material I studied, only 2% of it was on the exam and the 1% of material which I didn't study or skipped so I could focus on [at the time] other more important material, was on the exam. Essentially, doing this exam was akin to me going in blind.

I talked to my parents about the matters after each exam and I did not receive any support from them. It didn't help when I told them that I might've failed the classes too because I possibly did poorly on the exam. In summary, they essentially told me that I should just drop out, quit school and work (which is the last thing I want).

Because of these series of events, I've been having trouble sleeping as of late, got a fever, been crying a lot, haven't had the motivation to study for my 2 remaining exams and depression is at an all time high. Considering suicide via hanging myself to just stop and end all of this.

TLDR: Busy and hectic schedule and bad luck with exams caused me to possibly do poorly on 3 classes and now I might have to redo those 3 classes and not be able to graduate in the April. Received no support from my teachers and parents. In addition, my parents are disappointed in me and I'm disappointed in myself. Depression and sadness are at an all time high. Considering suicide as a result.   ",6.52478652751423,5.872333770761244,7.779017747516466,72.49995367786588,65.53114186851211,10.745261747962944,33.437548833575185,10.200589383204516,3.3213550507869183,4573,171,859,95,62,1577,381,1156,0.12,0.809,0.071,-0.9963,6,0,1,1,1,4,197.0,1,0,4,13,29,32,4,3,91,0,98,14,8,12,8,124,145,62,3,10,13,3,9,1,0,4,6,1,0,0,53,54,0,1,16,0,7,16,14,22,0,5,69,13,79,10,170,64,23,175,0,10,3,0,29,72,0,8,84,584,132,77,0.04923608520825164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181222386575936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03348222631891467,0.10325665662840994,0.0,0.0,0.04882896639582572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046029093286770094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222014911247409,0.06002772110025899,0.0,0.04189628210319392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375305301314332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055109584393046,0.0563129648354777,0.0,0.050579022212742776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039311007662072316,0.0,0.054083527652815,0.03175320175962063,0.0,0.08481393608704949,0.0,0.051099283070808715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050385609571703946,0.0,0.0,0.0570982274190681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616513447010463,0.0,0.05491124997854428,0.03251996992347134,0.04453685788993895,0.0829670506457888,0.0,0.04425021862407523,0.0,0.046415399234971136,0.0,0.02489524406012496,0.03517426911060997,0.0,0.3775500729336543,0.0,0.08376037785174613,0.0,0.053984826095871775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047231739372451134,0.16789201121926975,0.04129689228244097,0.03937859514302058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707861508997693,0.0,0.08821172278775304,0.0,0.050530428034592664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03300191006295779,0.10404125454235384,0.0,0.0,0.04848762607602817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416904306265253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051271806091470216,0.027058864795587115,0.16053592358991586,0.055540448687827086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024054264222024568,0.09869498432472228,0.0,0.08714477208011491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185875894498658,0.0,0.0,0.1643273460048768,0.04991766249201714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960017594843715,0.0,0.15669511707578335,0.0,0.0,0.03929977347357362,0.0,0.0,0.03650793331374822,0.0,0.0,0.052363135190183915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489252292769426,0.0,0.0,0.16401253777775648,0.0,0.04700141451044328,0.0,0.0,0.1543236890282258,0.0,0.04654401503095622,0.3885440175019272,0.0,0.050090799348939806,0.0,0.04711228406574542,0.0,0.0,0.055155683640691525,0.052368637208498166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154977307951006,0.0,0.0,0.03915451114935905,0.0,0.09965909363977474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106868453703554,0.04927164292015394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055115766372970235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116357188005382,0.1691993077640546,0.0,0.0,0.10771257175565724,0.16761757806095012,0.04640442762364312,0.0,0.14807763428078916,0.039574100260632655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032710267230382166,0.06309699067092421,0.0,0.0,0.1148398289241612,0.0,0.0,0.09409437876512412,0.05470310229688678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251300221119126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04062492671678868,0.058081437437614535,0.0,0.11848265303754615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746182914695662,0.0,0.03584445643055185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194497223955628
suicidewatch,throwaway154788,2018/04/17,"I just don't know where to go I'm a freshman student of high school, from an unnamed central European country. [in 8th grade]

I started in September thinking how this is the dream class which I'll always love and it is excellent. My parents told me to stop saying things like ""we are the best class ever"" and such, but I thought that they don't know what they are saying.

It started in February, I posted on Instagram a cool photo of a flower. Several people commented that it was fake, and there was a small fight about it. I just thought it was real, and when I touched the flower, it was fake. I simply didn't know and now the trio who started it think I'm blind and make jokes about the flower all time. I sometimes laugh too, not to show that it ruins me.

I'm a guy and some of my other classmates think that I'm gay and even tried to put me on an online test to see the results. The problem is, I think I'm straight but I sometimes see a guy and think that he's cute, but I dream of having a wife and a family. So they think I'm gay while I don't know it myself.

Another thing, perhaps the one that upsets me the most, the Xenophobe joke. I have 2 asian classmates, and whenever I say something, like once I responded to a classmate ""That car isnt gold, its yellow"" and the 2 classmates begin to tell me that I'm racist and offensive and a Xenophobe, often accompanied by my best friend. But when someone else does that, it's alright to them..

I may sound racist but I am really tolerant of all people, so..
Then the Stalker problem.
I have a classmate [one of the asians] who has a good camera on his phone, so he takes photos of us the whole day. Once he tried to follow me home, but I managed to outrun him through the mall and into the subway. Or today, we were in a museum and he spent the whole time standing next to me and filming me, although I said I want him to stop.

Then there is a classmate who generally is a dick to everyone, but me especially.

Then, My Overreacting.
I often get in charge of various events and I try to tell people the exact directions, just in case. These classmates are making fun of me, like once I wrote ""Don't go to the ABC Cinema next to it, go to DEF"" because in grade school, a friend went there and mistook it.
Or trying to be me, ""We will miss the subway,oh my god!"" I am punctual, and I know I can be a bit obnoxious, but enough is enough.

Am I just overreacting to them making innocent fun of me? I just want this to end, if I kill myself for example, because I don't think they'll stop. I can't tell the teacher, because the classmates would know I ratted 'em out.

Please read my entire post, so you don't get confused. Thanks for any responses. I don't plan on killing myself, but I think that if I die, it will all stop.",3.500674603174602,4.386901022927688,4.714264109347444,86.51086706349209,72.28042328042328,7.715855379188714,26.69704585537919,7.993328176185818,1.4674762257495595,2148,71,458,29,40,710,248,567,0.131,0.723,0.146,0.474,4,0,1,0,1,2,82.0,4,1,6,4,25,31,4,2,41,2,39,5,1,5,5,88,88,45,3,7,19,2,1,3,2,5,1,5,1,2,35,25,0,4,16,10,1,7,11,12,0,2,13,11,71,19,50,68,13,51,0,2,4,4,41,17,1,10,27,311,106,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060923910860152725,0.0,0.0,0.049791297905185855,0.07677630068425657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339005110683433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536772363648168,0.0,0.07993597111488086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722007172395196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759895594123841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640742693149207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061164916008297175,0.0,0.06485012837961811,0.1513091955360578,0.0,0.04836032989277436,0.06623060061290331,0.0,0.06996370551457337,0.0,0.0,0.06902417266652948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313733360779794,0.0,0.07650760681356197,0.0,0.1248358019400432,0.061412459452607926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499625598852636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735968704717143,0.07344443090637423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201151803448216,0.0,0.24143484101332546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073130285030314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608282980102853,0.0,0.14662236186382596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573805867449747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392691187491846,0.09922991382383582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130081764270743,0.0,0.0,0.15228209999914774,0.0,0.0,0.08037226025222763,0.0,0.0,0.14024675051229016,0.0,0.0,0.14012101516595388,0.0,0.07360512178867334,0.0,0.0,0.07323861864453614,0.08333902926674383,0.04690584109894618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964785010849453,0.17467959660749818,0.0,0.14820267843347182,0.11669181518511094,0.0,0.0,0.08271640828952533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620380555303286,0.05636741292527068,0.14483053989118502,0.0,0.1554739402448531,0.0,0.0,0.2448567966537452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505142886365367,0.0,0.191989387399488,0.0674100380155112,0.0,0.0,0.09728664066201148,0.3753252283157685,0.0,0.11625510445903316,0.08538894754010552,0.0,0.06940286550705672,0.06996370551457337,0.0,0.19884304844893846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807320673555681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637269596926322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787456540845807,0.0,0.16349236107472342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520125380349839,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dumbwasteloser,2018/04/17,"I think I have a solid plan now. My mother is going out of town for a work trip soon. She'll be gone for 3 or 4 days. I think that's enough time to find a way to kill myself with a minimal amount of mess and get someone to remove the body. I imagine she'd get a call or something during her trip about it but considering that I have no real life friends and barely any family hopefully she won't discover it until she's back home and all the clean up is done and my stuff probably gone.

She has these trips every year so this isn't my only chance to plan this but with the way things are going I might not be available to do it due to her making me find work or finish high school. She usually threatens to make me do it but she never goes through with it usually. I have a feeling she's reaching the end of her rope though.

Once I have the materials I need I'll probably delete everything and possibly leave a note or something telling her to sell my electronics and whatnot. Of course I can't tell her I'm gay that would just make her despise me more.

I don't really know why I'm writing this it's probably me being an attention whore. I don't even know how to make an ""exit bag"" or whatever. Anyway I have to do something about this situation soon. My mother will pass away someday and then I'd be totally on my own so it'd be better to get this out of the way now. If you guys have any tips or think of something I may have overlooked let me know.",2.795183401784449,3.893144221498372,4.336824812349526,87.74363404616909,74.21172638436481,7.814700467355897,24.748477552754565,8.321376580360154,1.3381571732049289,1144,35,253,19,23,383,159,307,0.08199999999999999,0.8490000000000001,0.069,-0.4696,0,0,4,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,5,14,7,2,0,15,0,33,4,1,5,3,50,55,23,1,4,12,2,1,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,18,12,0,0,11,0,1,9,8,4,0,0,3,1,41,3,31,38,6,36,0,0,0,2,23,8,0,10,16,173,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148718641886682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977390925597808,0.07999222556816712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200559451522036,0.0,0.11555326700563115,0.0,0.0,0.10622569947099544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709038900172164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645824543442432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213921497694916,0.10749023050405997,0.0,0.06871047049071018,0.0,0.08764929823911423,0.0,0.09349496165377888,0.0,0.09806970692021423,0.0,0.05260041557165284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016206499305172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037289488608022,0.0,0.16305328164428678,0.0,0.11824466740134275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030055108231557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991282536348944,0.1043500202270834,0.10332471651547462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509317299680673,0.0,0.17151559507200573,0.0,0.0,0.11015216670817768,0.0,0.10637716066684484,0.07347907693458018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777618622663118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035880663697643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713651890005638,0.08023392492467375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078796891999756,0.0,0.07911908434583315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727757397656105,0.0,0.0,0.33648402563377305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840828885686755,0.06664392939041194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528335709997662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693346027728695,0.0,0.0,0.0881438152566155,0.3203478116073121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908883123291772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185264887827066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911254397115092,0.19997361278698728,0.10220840627622492,0.0,0.0606604087812875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291474836459012,0.0,0.0,0.24772120531940864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387039772997764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146935692885652,0.0,0.0,0.07389953641184059,0.0,0.0,0.06699155495405676
suicidewatch,ScottPuppy,2018/04/17,"My girlfriend and I promised each other we wouldn't hurt ourselves I still feel the strong urge, maybe even desire, to hurt myself. But I can't live to disappoint her. She had an abusive ex, and her mom told me last night that she used to sneak out to meet him. I don't know why this information upset me so much. But I haven't been able to sleep, eat, or stop thinking about self harm and suicide. ",3.4622222222222234,4.655860592592596,3.514506172839507,93.91027777777781,72.7037037037037,6.387654320987655,23.37654320987655,6.42735559955562,0.3150395061728397,312,8,70,2,6,95,63,81,0.18,0.647,0.173,-0.3999,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,2,0,6,2,1,1,0,17,11,7,1,2,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,15,2,7,7,2,5,0,3,0,0,13,1,0,1,4,44,18,0,0.21426579293222586,0.25386992762294397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924739768351376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152053544291426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833922287326744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587519257689669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177548762609724,0.17465521891419475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920062069045726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525878828041065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094550705728713,0.0,0.0,0.15751001154329922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107393190401748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352595166138936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144205331253866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711129390140836,0.1791357970784453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343720007224221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372928684374469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047401473055745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505685013682965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334155120916927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KordlessHammer,2018/04/17,"I’m going to kill my self today next year I’m 16 male and I know this is early but next year I’ve decided to kill myself by hanging, in this year I’m gonna earn the £5000 I owe my parents then I’m going to break all connection with the few friends I have, I’m going to sell all my belongings, and then leave I’m going to walk as far as possible to somewhere they wouldn’t think of looking and kill my self.",0.11491545893719746,1.8203552500000024,2.6336231884057995,94.38770531400968,83.45652173913044,5.828019323671497,20.004830917874393,6.937597516519254,0.20741642512077307,321,9,77,4,9,111,54,92,0.181,0.7759999999999999,0.044,-0.9337,2,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,11,18,8,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,2,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,12,16,3,18,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,9,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997802049607826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824475359467357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5583816342539807,0.0,0.0924576109199686,0.0,0.0,0.17813667906793998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127511243051155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35783987366338393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680516863769184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965979682157508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510117988391793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077982586805453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594672030478368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250136646897329
suicidewatch,AntarticPenguin,2018/04/17,"It is not about happiness, just want the pain of living to go away Hi. I currently do not care about being happy. Just want the pain of living everyday go away. I Always had thougts, but these have spiked in the last few weeks. I am very lonely and scared of telling my family.",1.6507878787878774,4.063271200000003,2.7886363636363645,91.39628787878787,82.45454545454545,6.575757575757575,18.25757575757576,7.793537801064563,0.5685757575757582,216,5,45,4,6,69,41,55,0.252,0.675,0.073,-0.9074,1,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,11,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,9,9,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718466680231026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775489794095978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485516763652287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941304236111428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283792100417697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277741645682346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377968409516067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548387283235426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275941008376981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115973858097694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561622527068455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578314723029752,0.23702008279778897,0.0,0.16116892345180386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IWantOut-,2018/04/17,"I want to die because I don't want to work. All the appealing things to do in life require a lot of money, which I will never have. So why should I spend 1/3rd of my day being unhappy, just to barely have enough money to get by? Since there is an option for to take a short cut to end, why shouldn't I take it? ",3.555,3.0382462647058834,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,71.64705882352942,7.976470588235292,22.882352941176467,7.1686216300943375,0.5103411764705879,238,4,58,2,4,80,48,68,0.139,0.821,0.04,-0.8205,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,2,10,14,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,12,10,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,41,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079973791238705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011828625971664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737652262884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336335439759035,0.27255847037260955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378157897878993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631781437033967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425897049963436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034457991848281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182041177118872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39666414694084506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524577982577794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111722299750216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760464629868818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920372485911296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnselfconsciousTeff,2018/04/17,How to kill yourself painlessly And dont tell to me that you care about me Dont lie to me,-0.2557142857142836,1.2608560476190505,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,83.76190476190476,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.07869523809523793,71,2,19,1,2,24,15,21,0.181,0.615,0.204,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492619153801075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8029536177180676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789909793874669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994118230822133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sh0ckF4ct0r,2018/04/17,"Suicide because of sanity degradation, and no free will. I feel like no one's really in control of their actions, that happiness caused by good deeds is simply our selfish desire to feel good about being responsible for the good deed, and the benefits we get from the way our chemicals react.

I can't even blame criminals anymore, nor anyone in this world for any reason, as no action seems to me to be purely toxic, as it's all caused by brain structure and chemical washes.

I'm pretty much next to selectively mute due to my anxiety, but no matter how far I go trying to act extroverted and friendly, it's impossible to get rid of the phantom pain inside of me, kind of like a missing limb, or the lack of breath at the top of my chest.

It's easy, ""fake it till you make it"", but you never make it. I already am who I constsntly tried to fake.

It's not that faking it will get rid of the void, the void's there, and you act the way you act because of it. You become who you are >because< of this void, and not because who you are brought this void upon yourself. The void came, and it destroyed you. Your pain isn't what caused the void to appear, the void won't go away no matter how much you change, even if you're happy.

The more I got help, the worse it got, because I realized that the more help I get, the harder it seems to actually be able to feed the void. I was hoping for a magical ""feed good now"" treatment, but that's not possible knowing I'm not in control of it, and I know no one will truly care, as it's all reactions of your brain, and your chemical washes.

I think I am the perfect example of a degrading sanity, used to believe in ethics beyond all else, but what do ethics matter now if we're all not in control?

Fuck this, fuck you.",8.615149812734082,5.646123174157308,8.846898876404497,73.90634082397005,63.04494382022472,12.077602996254685,36.092883895131095,10.203070172399654,3.3469211985018728,1374,44,283,23,15,458,165,356,0.152,0.657,0.191,0.8931,0,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,3,13,1,5,9,27,3,0,21,0,16,12,4,13,7,58,44,23,1,5,12,0,2,2,1,4,4,0,0,0,27,11,2,3,9,0,1,10,16,12,0,2,5,2,33,16,45,32,9,30,0,1,0,2,23,12,2,7,8,189,60,0,0.09570056436642924,0.0,0.09338994584925922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056079525236406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507966548135778,0.0,0.07321066979635472,0.0,0.09490924434274016,0.06691605975396119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899138304921979,0.0,0.0,0.2333527031090045,0.10569375453123817,0.0,0.10782176424160374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21366695981964415,0.0,0.10945595071394727,0.09757310347984406,0.29493252461410674,0.10123850765769107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220089615633292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994554149994831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641864038101594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677816164777717,0.06836850230525397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393801863398908,0.17694725931682867,0.1999983799453149,0.0,0.10877767229962602,0.3210763716321529,0.15308096747353156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375006062565476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829214202699812,0.0,0.0,0.09505225394582506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965741098801834,0.10518905477962737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350892345442434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776173968330526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070185251478282,0.0,0.07381017499204237,0.0,0.101778635902929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969835832953047,0.0,0.20366429575472028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788800704912498,0.0,0.09736187893459307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061308232086137386,0.0983961190751768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742443990747346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468088458674132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132105742658405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994880250955002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826545607472218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192530699892973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752705101733768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZombieSnowman,2018/04/17,There is no place for me in this world. I don't belong here. I have nothing to offer. I won't kms now but I feel that I'm a lot closer to the act. It feels like the only option.,-2.9028571428571435,-1.2680336666666676,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,99.95238095238096,2.8000000000000003,9.380952380952381,3.1291,-2.1986476190476187,134,1,36,0,6,48,35,42,0.043,0.868,0.08800000000000001,0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44844573475833854,0.3168024968503933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664845235228594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37700738875709705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255045561572103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372655474987839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633133939809272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmFrandsen,2018/04/17,"Getting continuously more desperate I've had depression for quite a while now, but recently, say about 3 months ago, I got the oppertunity to escape it all and get a break, that could potentially help from diving deeper into the ranges of my depression. This oppertunity was in the form of a study-abroad program. This program filled me with hope, and it became a goal for me to go on this program, to spend a year away from all the worries in my current life, and let me develop as an individual. What I'm getting at is that through my mind this program is an extremely big deal, and it has a big potential of helping me get out of the depression. 

Now fast forward 3 months to now, I've been accepted into the program and they've found a school and a country that I'm going to. The program has some demands that you keep up with to continue in the program, the two important ones for this post is the fact that you need to have an ongoing education to get sent away to study abroad, and you need to have not been diagnosed with depression. 
In these demands two problems has arised for me. 

First of all my depression have never affected my education and I have had no problem going to school and so on. But for some reason when I got accepted into the program my mood, my life, and my depression started to get worse. This caused me to start skipping school when I was too depressed and/or had suicidal thoughts, this lead to my grades dropping and my attendence as well. Now I'm on the brink of getting expelled, I've been called in multiple times to my counselor and I've gotten my first warning. 

The other problem is that I have never been able to tell anyone about my depression apart from my best friend who has already been diagnosed with depression, and was strong enough to tell people that she had it. This means that I have never been diagnosed with depression, and I did have that in the back of my mind when applying to the study-abroad program, although at the time I didn't see it as a problem because school was going fine, and the program would probably cure my depression.

Now I'm getting scared of myself and what I might do if I get expelled. As i said i already have daily suicidal thoughts, and I feel like getting expelled would be my breaking point and after it I wouldn't be able to live life anymore.

I'm getting desperate for help now which is why I have come here for the first time.
Do I try to get proffesional help even though getting diagnosed would probably get me pulled off the program? Should I tell my parents even though they are one of the reasons why I wanna escape? How do I get help? Should I just remove the thought of going on a study-abroad program all together and deal with my depression in the place where the reasons for my depression also is?
I really don't know what to do, and I am in dire need of help.",9.40531081081081,6.9794606864864885,8.949470720720722,72.08744932432438,61.05405405405406,12.493243243243244,40.4222972972973,10.9516,4.235013513513513,2271,96,436,45,24,730,211,555,0.194,0.71,0.096,-0.9973,2,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,3,1,8,24,28,0,1,36,0,53,7,0,7,8,82,99,37,2,17,5,1,1,1,1,7,7,3,0,0,30,31,0,1,12,0,1,13,8,18,1,7,25,5,55,9,80,63,10,78,0,13,1,0,23,30,0,5,34,323,85,22,0.1007705271709568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466349609568282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112027825510484,0.04029307708561273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049968642552593166,0.03523054781469683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467722744002142,0.0387431576005203,0.0,0.030714389022598862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052876225609225294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514489875309589,0.0,0.0,0.05175954496190754,0.0,0.04340244316275538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040228533086792265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388998869425696,0.5641577980469935,0.2045599277511768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206144611373728,0.0,0.06655798280694042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0254763031765976,0.035995242372917464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857303839945228,0.0,0.05524484087132198,0.03892752966009028,0.0,0.3948633097252237,0.0,0.14317553212241174,0.0,0.08059539614146291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202633080633434,0.0,0.0,0.05004393548941533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478473733779372,0.0,0.0,0.02769042317810002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152234572220157,0.1067658052190793,0.0246156947298956,0.0,0.04449111084679835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488432299075192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053450802347012286,0.10174950599448793,0.0,0.08043407338094953,0.0,0.0,0.11208010355782656,0.11658066429028002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682847171727818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594687251773714,0.0,0.0,0.034930797673840386,0.0,0.052641876490127686,0.0,0.04763036004471309,0.0,0.04825515474161896,0.0,0.10864767205055847,0.19284757029128627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535909298678413,0.0,0.0,0.03227809004126747,0.1554133278590157,0.0497493692671696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792792377905347,0.04006838391957244,0.05044443862936383,0.2039703067573853,0.04015053167555903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132589779466013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022660100663316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321168235822912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990065313055528,0.1200008135949384,0.08814015715274681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03420828659897512,0.0,0.09843816251573934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530240299024373,0.0,0.09092972691894508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051168680929949764,0.05134688812709565,0.10737673688186636,0.0,0.0,0.03244645780329184
suicidewatch,QuietPattern,2018/04/17,"Virgin at 25, just want things to end I'm a 25-year-old male who has never even been on a date. I'm ugly on the outside and even uglier on the inside. I deserve to die alone and miserable, hopefully soon. I've wanted to die for so long, but I'm too cowardly to do it myself. I guess I'm just a big joke.",0.3753431372549052,1.7356901617647085,3.232941176470589,92.06990196078434,81.20588235294117,6.298039215686276,20.15686274509804,7.1686216300943375,0.32508039215686235,233,6,56,3,6,83,47,68,0.234,0.682,0.084,-0.8537,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,11,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,9,10,0,10,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,2,5,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688774959953045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388680455808434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993725852486305,0.0,0.0,0.3429396966436045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859895031632717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257851144698493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974653552539745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022711005823704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724168519380658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724732394820289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062492152107413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718022282159842
suicidewatch,CalebCrawdad76,2018/04/17,"I feel helpless I can’t focus on school and I continue to not help myself. I’m overweight and life is just so useless to me. Friends at my college are having more fun at parties and I can’t come out of my shell. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for the past couple months and I figure I should just end it. No one would miss me anyways. It’s all a lost cause, nothing I can do will save me.",-0.2559036144578286,1.886936963855426,1.7216987951807248,97.50206626506028,89.0,4.283855421686749,21.55301204819277,5.6839178017228535,-0.02049301204819232,300,11,69,2,10,99,63,83,0.237,0.625,0.138,-0.7974,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,1,1,17,17,5,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,1,13,3,8,11,2,9,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,49,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28401679023498755,0.0,0.2381594081732045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059151977505565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24487548339074436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397944642016421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136045058737058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531589100873466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528302349832752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30180597929436825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068033407166984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652859725621404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873471473502177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26392742092980004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279808255033505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30241963525236176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949089086147816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964004653797905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkflawed27,2018/04/17,"I just want it to end. I just want everything to end.
I'm divorced... But due to Financial reasons and living situations he has custody of our children which is totally understandable. But due to the fact that he lives over an hour away and I have an erratic work schedule I never get to see them except for maybe once a month and not even for the full weekend.
I live with my partner of 2 yrs who I started dating before my divorce was final. He's great and I love him but I don't feel like he loves me back or at least not the way he claims to. It seems like everything I do annoys him though he says that I don't. It didn't really start until we started trying to have a baby and found out that I have a complete inability to stay pregnant apparently. Sorry I've had miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage for the last year. I feel like a failure and I feel like I'm broken and useless. I just want to go in the garage and sit in my car and turn it on. No one would find me for hours not until he got home from work at 8 a.m. he would have less bills and wouldn't have to worry about my sad depressed ass all the time.
This seems like the best idea I've ever had.",3.5393109243697483,4.321639118367352,4.816710684273712,86.1980792316927,72.10204081632655,7.887154861944777,25.43217286914766,8.124751697461798,1.3213409363745496,924,27,200,13,17,307,139,245,0.19,0.725,0.086,-0.9828,1,0,0,0,2,1,18.0,2,0,1,3,8,13,1,0,13,0,17,3,1,1,5,45,39,17,0,6,11,0,3,5,1,3,0,1,1,2,10,13,0,0,10,1,1,2,9,4,0,1,6,5,25,9,32,30,6,38,0,3,1,3,21,9,1,3,29,130,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051490086697768,0.0860566944044156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523249273612304,0.0,0.1174492083332652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734206746354195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639330922535723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824917258182867,0.0,0.0,0.07391963305688716,0.10123466290031542,0.0,0.0,0.2011662329993642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976466861285922,0.2398589917351571,0.0,0.12259879047302305,0.10228943249287467,0.0,0.0,0.12271040056425545,0.0,0.0,0.058471625754605225,0.0,0.06360458866616751,0.0,0.08950965545533575,0.1233880698032528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226113210369654,0.0,0.22042994109614247,0.0,0.0,0.12633983305361032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122668772557972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27338315332544816,0.0,0.29647231926737605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201758511918716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124349239646323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933048957983948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631671776934759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918716246880112,0.07583735299560504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169642080495425,0.11506855309212892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900030053820752,0.0,0.0,0.08918276796654256,0.20376871643299796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579856336361125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528108837513305,0.2376447108257853,0.11928784034658906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099571554860663,0.0,0.06525927018357115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598379296547406,0.12173275139718025,0.0,0.11650877176153054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803332627191075,0.08883391651396247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629527378226517,0.1136563927821567,0.0,0.1590041976317391,0.0,0.0,0.07207040098471874
suicidewatch,741N,2018/04/17,"Frustrated with life I'll try to be concise though my mind is very messy because I barely slept.

I am stuck living in an incredibly homophobic place. I can't talk to anyone about my sexuality, and the only person that I told is a counselor, who suggested that I best keep it to myself. It's so suffocating to bear, but the alternative is getting beaten up, disowned, and being homeless.

I had the chance to spend two days with a guy and... it was the best two days of life. Not much happened aside from kissing, but for me that was everything.

But he was just here visiting and I won't see him again, unless I can by some miracle move closer to him, and there is very low chance of that happening. I developed feelings and now I'm just :(

My head is really messed up. I had the best two days ever, and I can't even talk to anyone about it without risking things. 

I can't bring myself to eat or sleep, and I am can't focus on anything but the fact that I am alone again and stuck in this hellhole. 

I wish I had more time with him. I wish I wasn't stuck here. I wish I had hope that I can ever have a happy relationship. I wish that I could see him again. 

I am so lost and frustrated. I feel invisible and like I am not allowed to exist. I don't think I can push on. ",2.425652490003636,3.8210322595419854,4.273424209378408,86.6457124681934,75.6412213740458,7.4332242820792445,23.54489276626681,8.11559375814309,1.14491217739004,980,29,215,16,21,333,133,262,0.122,0.6759999999999999,0.202,0.9816,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,5,18,14,3,1,10,0,31,7,3,1,3,41,53,20,0,6,11,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,14,14,1,1,3,0,1,4,10,7,0,3,14,4,38,7,27,35,6,23,0,2,2,1,14,9,0,3,11,162,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088126936820668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971686830634992,0.0,0.08810077876282396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526242737684781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370567616935033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547823357717417,0.0,0.0,0.2071334029514604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954851178132594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071173572900026,0.19368274526234455,0.0,0.0,0.09621810145149384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082649167899727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559341270650345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600565543998766,0.1893445791118525,0.11396674096720175,0.0,0.0,0.10987384926443293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063341583362311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515932958811177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123846577389982,0.052303823737417016,0.0,0.09453542730145376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168680012532184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809949272814053,0.0,0.0,0.1137872181343166,0.07870099046801769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142351148853573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348015411370143,0.11185430512357486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858500443006144,0.0,0.0,0.114941748805515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706249898501991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713673479104142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721006093134853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112552002547673,0.06859935203072484,0.1051853343787518,0.0,0.06242720744483137,0.0,0.0,0.10229986160014376,0.0,0.0726863170942252,0.0,0.31374448442879344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766704636423552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924521875220474,0.1032014582963154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheThinSister,2018/04/17,"I need advice. Things aren't okay. I am really hesitant on writing about details for the things that have gone on, so I'm going to leave a lot out. But long story short my life has fallen apart a couple times. And right now it's going downhill, but it's going that way so much faster this time. I have no motivation because all my effort is going to being ""okay"". Which translates to ignoring the increasingly difficult thoughts brought on from depression. I've lost hope in life and in people. Several times a day the thought ""I should just kill myself"" crosses my mind and I have fight the feeling of wanting to each time. I don't want to die, but I don't want to be alive either. I am on the edge of losing everything I still have in my life. If I lose that, I'm probably done. 

I don't know how to start motivating myself to do things. Some tasks that should take 20 minutes can take days to do. It's hard to motivate myself when I feel absolutely hopeless about my future. I think about my future (or what it could possibly if I had my life together), I remember that I've been depressed for 15 years of my life and the horrible shit that's gone on, feel hopeless because of various reasons, the idea of suicide flashes uninvited through my head, and the whole thing ends up with my having to fight that along with crushing hopelessness. Which leaves me feeling like I should give up because it's hopeless and I'll probably be the reason I die anyways. 

Anyways, I don't really want all that to be the case. Even if life still sucks years later, I don't want it to be a disaster like it's going to be now. I need to start making changes but I don't know what or how to do it. Especially with no motivation. (I realize that should be motivation in and of itself, but things are bad enough that depression stops that too) 

Things are bad. Like what I should do daily takes up to a week to do.",4.148333333333333,5.278564468253972,5.135079365079367,83.18214285714288,70.98412698412699,8.562962962962962,28.021164021164022,8.94667605116694,2.0964878306878307,1491,53,303,28,27,489,171,378,0.268,0.63,0.102,-0.9975,0,0,0,0,2,8,42.0,0,0,0,9,17,25,5,0,15,2,40,8,2,10,2,69,76,22,4,17,12,0,5,3,0,5,6,0,0,0,32,13,0,2,19,0,0,11,9,19,0,0,9,5,37,6,48,54,11,51,0,10,0,0,4,16,2,8,26,215,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010902813558488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689824915528062,0.14992109613238705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672301819881187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545364098167326,0.09070831534235348,0.0,0.10573947561247947,0.0,0.21182543718818295,0.0,0.17016272680105055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389308226079742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260915028200317,0.08470632512409622,0.0,0.05414642266113555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367752941055211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580438546577345,0.05856588571704035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864182313512867,0.2329530598762287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343717163596238,0.0,0.08413420799735748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142374418095875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254442583871456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069772839554134,0.0,0.09010713929934563,0.0,0.0,0.17360806098474454,0.0,0.0,0.34742557820102205,0.1201525426161289,0.0,0.0,0.07254892413588282,0.0,0.18342728784637166,0.08948987217158144,0.06969569957289476,0.0,0.0,0.0547216861055014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827755218050988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026407144158975,0.12157292840938468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568339860967405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241911813230884,0.0,0.0,0.1767746714638875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503582184202917,0.16857633765407934,0.0,0.0,0.09286633990023338,0.07000970382865235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261304904631933,0.0841503685051946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605045843642678,0.0,0.1309372309770974,0.06853819872849097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967183010815567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491424326260875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32677962968286245,0.052528897375266975,0.0,0.13016449715107908,0.1912106908429876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24176698715160405,0.0650711940968014,0.06575868945021499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152673797146324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558370575440824
suicidewatch,ThrowawayStarvingMan,2018/04/17,"PayPal balance suspended from a scam, haven’t eaten in a while, things going bad. I ran a business, it doesn’t matter which, I was scammed by a big client of mine and won the cases but they kept reopening them till my balance was frozen. I don’t want to write much as I never thought this would happen to me and it just feels surreal. I haven’t eaten in a while, I can’t cover the negative balance of -200£ or so and have 40£ cash left. I try to reason with PayPal but they take a week to do anything every time. I’m thinking I could try work for food, I don’t know, everything has been going against me and I just don’t want to live anymore. I don’t think I’ll kill my self but I’m having the thoughts run through my mind.",0.8890384615384619,2.725262134615388,2.6108717948717945,94.86746153846157,81.5,5.442051282051283,21.297435897435893,6.42735559955562,0.17246974358974398,567,17,130,5,15,187,95,156,0.129,0.8270000000000001,0.045,-0.9428,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,2,3,3,1,0,9,0,17,3,0,1,1,27,36,13,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,3,1,7,0,1,4,10,2,0,0,10,1,20,1,17,24,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,84,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925976843946043,0.0,0.0,0.15981293032855054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215180761019882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505568939466471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362482164679626,0.0,0.17453758025237354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819512294301784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483163871848545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074064485316494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717335105013848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148573951270084,0.0,0.10672916276233678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100266707252505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148524529594886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609017017229632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427619151961521,0.0,0.1497817086910068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967353884789832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259660095606166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460168603709638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902017366967816,0.2488755178018028,0.0,0.3083517668042565,0.11324162049514915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637028524092924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909250763397146,0.0,0.15577833063935528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138245833312865,0.0,0.0,0.1379565918734564,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyasiankid,2018/04/17,I want to end it all. I can't do anything right. I can't win. I'm worthless. I'm alone. And I have no one who understands me. What's the point in living if I'm going to be a loser my whole life?,-3.3415805471124607,-1.8172478936170204,0.5860182370820688,102.82000000000002,102.40425531914892,3.5367781155015194,13.097264437689967,5.288315135182226,-1.365350151975684,147,3,41,1,7,54,36,47,0.24,0.6759999999999999,0.084,-0.7885,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,11,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,3,10,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472409372620252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759004939736838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969516986391021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905429455234058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368127047274669,0.0,0.0,0.29605153843986665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718915291354194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31694064498047464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863206688467697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490302353384261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775225913178432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743194928733188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ajks1018,2018/04/17,"I Want to Escape Ok, here goes.

I left an abusive relationship a few years ago. I won't go into the ugly details except this: I left because he threatened to drug and manipulate me to force me to stay. My only thoughts were 1) he is most definitely going to kill me, 2) I will be on the missing persons list indefinitely, and most importantly 3) my family will not have closure if that happens. I made a plan to leave safely and confronted him about it later. He claimed it never happened, then reneged and said it was a joke - except it clearly wasn't.

You'd think I'd be over it by now. I go to intensive therapy. I filed for a protective order (but was denied). I'm hyper-vigilant and cautious about what, how, and when I do things. I'm on medications to help with sleeping; eating; and combating the resulting PTSD and paranoia. I'm more active and eat healthier. I have a contingency plan for the worst-case scenario. Nothing feels like it's enough.

I'm still constantly terrified. I see his face everywhere. I stupidly watched and cried through the Unsane movie. I keep everyone at a distance; If I go missing, at least fewer people will be affected or less affected. I hide personalized, hand-written letters to loved ones when leaving the house in case I don't return. I'm always suspicious of food and drinks.

I live my life planning on going missing. It's not a way to live. My life just started; It's disheartening to think this is how it's going to be for the foreseeable future. I'm deathly afraid of what he's capable of. He's especially unpredictable when he tries to win me back. I left so he wouldn't trap me; That's my biggest fear by far. I'd easily rather be dead.

Otherwise my life is as close to perfect as possible. Outside of the constant worrying, I really love every other aspect of my day. I worked hard (and lucked out) to be where I am now. I don't want to throw that away. There are still so many goals I want to achieve, places I want to see, people I want to meet, causes I want to fight for, and experiences I want to have and share. It's scary how adamantly I feel about going out on my own terms. I'm convinced it's not a matter of if he'll follow through but when. I left him with mainly my loved ones in mind; I couldn't fathom hurting anyone else. Yet I'd kill myself if that's what it takes to get some goddamned peace.",2.5945205343889164,4.6613896425531935,4.263854527461653,83.96081395348838,77.04255319148936,7.350816427511133,26.24938149430975,8.283103749626381,1.833960415635824,1852,72,366,35,43,621,244,470,0.141,0.7490000000000001,0.111,-0.3985,0,0,2,0,1,3,67.0,0,1,0,8,23,24,5,2,17,1,28,14,2,9,3,69,72,33,4,14,14,0,3,1,0,6,5,1,0,2,23,20,4,3,5,2,0,9,10,12,0,2,7,7,49,12,58,51,11,56,0,5,3,3,24,22,0,10,23,232,72,3,0.0,0.09729924329606934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279477803523655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068330749729182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574204917307971,0.08414205237101444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715481723288282,0.06314551713265174,0.0,0.05005983245463195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436026993128969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748595303377585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902054012123306,0.052960863109556736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044672655479207,0.09523359027010236,0.16805933722817432,0.06860105513520075,0.0,0.0,0.08485232338113488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918997720480233,0.07846955955628422,0.0,0.08032950698964694,0.07741580278007529,0.09240827866790424,0.08304508142066715,0.05866682879566034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930031132422942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042904518601541534,0.0,0.3266964028530089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523759362794875,0.0,0.07356374658824594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504357180827147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475591368680593,0.08791158459742862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299238301647833,0.18170810664913556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390728863125735,0.3568962111730156,0.0,0.17401219725446931,0.04011987843958989,0.0,0.1450276320373786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235059638055346,0.07770430624996645,0.0,0.08325719434537929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272766155996271,0.0,0.0,0.08291819216520832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333631356003996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879673675563552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129381406109927,0.06245626322550634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138638882103434,0.14340872814133726,0.0857983375561948,0.0,0.0,0.09257841001688298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599435079861968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052608429822012186,0.0,0.0,0.08816657483518185,0.0,0.0,0.07811530395452343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087865020945225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217970444780777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581252404312806,0.087529417884962,0.13116291196935054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174431934533816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391183206634084,0.0,0.05455714350255767,0.10523887042462833,0.0,0.06519442313679295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055754359770749176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390571691696353,0.06518334960475948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978462785031625,0.08339725046762686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288284393949634
suicidewatch,KlanK98,2018/04/17,"In the end, it's just a statistic. Im standing on the edge. Below is a dark, familiar pit. Im not welcome anymore, and deservedly so. I can feel myself falling into the abyss. I dont think ill be coming out of it this time. The help i need is inaccessible. 

A handful of people will care. I've prepared them the best i can. Some will be angry, and reasonably so. It's not the first time i've let someone down. I think it's time to start tiding up. It would be inconsiderate to leave things a mess.",-0.03923076923076962,2.211005076923076,2.6203846153846158,90.5246153846154,89.57692307692308,5.123076923076923,20.5,6.67199483983844,0.37298461538461547,384,13,84,5,13,133,67,104,0.134,0.7290000000000001,0.13699999999999998,0.3296,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,10,0,12,2,1,1,0,15,19,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,7,3,11,12,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,6,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057123299627674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768235065145267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148614760910045,0.0,0.0,0.17868041341506574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431034702641048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371918599852785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488157007226463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643771472415878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903427234644708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44811456201660943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963575887490824,0.0,0.2121086593958569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380485352109574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380410213026315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132700039329396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757526368528456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681824312700184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780560561367758,0.2658223166006732,0.0,0.0,0.3628579077787069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735053558518466,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheCluesILeftForYou,2018/04/17,Took 10 200mg Advil liquid gels? i just swallowed 10 Advil  200mg each. I am wondering will i actually die this time. Or was this another waste. ,0.5477586206896561,3.0293354137931066,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,91.41379310344827,7.037931034482759,21.043103448275854,8.07648339933343,1.4216827586206895,113,4,24,3,4,38,22,29,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.7717,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.402456275684032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324517190309971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42802030448742495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404817425485719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582067906720962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44724506067585146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shoal_creek,2018/04/17,"I was told to come here: Suicide is the only way forward for me. I can't help myself, therapy can't help me, and nothing else can help me. The outlook on my life just isn't good enough to be better than dying and then being dead. This isn't a you are depressed so you don't see things clearly problem. The reality my therapist describes, assuming she's more or less correct, means that my life is hopeless, and I'm better off killing myself today.

I have no interest in adjusting my view of what is good enough. At this point I need a sexual and intimate relationship with a woman I'm attracted to. That will never happen, so suicide is the best option for me. Medication isn't an option. Hospitalization isn't an option. No amount of reasonable ""self improvement"" is an option. I've already considered those, and it just isn't going to happen. This is an emergency. I need my needs met now.

I'm not threatening anyone, these are just facts. I might have some of the unimportant details a little off, but the important parts are right.

My therapist refuses to help me. I have no reason to think other therapists would be able to help either (I've seen several). The problem is with therapy its self. It just isn't designed to help me.

I don't have the power to get my needs met. My needs would have to be met first before I could do anything that could reasonably increase my chances for my needs to be met. So, it is a hopeless situation. Therapists do not seem to work for people like me. I mean that I pay my therapist, but her real client is the rest of society.

She's not looking out for my best interests. She would rather I suffer for decades. In her mind that is better than me dying and avoiding all of that suffering. She has an unrealistic view of what is possible. I mean that she's deceiving me, and possibly herself.

There are simply no other options. Believe me, I've looked. Going on without getting my needs met only makes me worse off, and isn't an option either. I have no options. I have no choices to make. All I can do is kill myself to end the suffering, because nothing else will change it. What would need to change for me to not kill myself simply isn't going to happen. That includes any therapist helping me, because that just isn't their job.

I've probably already heard anything anyone might comment here, so I won't respond to a comment if I've already seen it before.",3.6515384615384616,5.554524153846158,5.025042735042735,80.40884615384616,73.48717948717949,8.047863247863248,28.66666666666667,8.768130331264683,2.4187076923076924,1896,78,350,38,39,632,193,468,0.188,0.727,0.085,-0.9945,2,1,0,0,0,7,61.0,0,2,1,8,14,23,3,1,22,0,59,3,0,5,6,77,98,17,8,18,17,0,0,1,0,9,3,1,0,3,26,12,0,2,10,0,1,6,26,12,0,1,10,8,58,11,45,72,15,25,0,6,7,0,33,13,0,14,8,262,84,3,0.06017204647761538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199204048682312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04091905499217311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414738793383095,0.0,0.0990329345208931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336064207202182,0.0,0.10240395934363072,0.06779329100299579,0.1262937009160025,0.15965185583988098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730809328936252,0.05183289004335135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608496573678364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051826095460206695,0.0,0.12489816860558275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053204744737088,0.0,0.05329457316955584,0.12434761802657435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118231199495544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287482154984438,0.0,0.10259148203575216,0.1009389154840303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962982593676026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282324380671496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059711471429947774,0.0,0.19971436259129816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500259185192964,0.029397022501495087,0.06030819833437352,0.0,0.0,0.10105872864808484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033061653481323,0.0,0.0,0.19663499596202155,0.0,0.06061700640584379,0.0,0.12766606480618725,0.060756613820110064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35693448020735463,0.04640839173253677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547340288867942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152710560497294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516046261213404,0.0,0.041715720660361534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056882033245570784,0.13566988277478775,0.0,0.0,0.06487564326442379,0.11515304413339307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068488962228981,0.0,0.18560065625753294,0.0,0.06460225915719614,0.0,0.05138659891740727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047949330541539666,0.054778371209203626,0.12554513502373832,0.06797728522761826,0.0,0.0,0.06763590135075806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163690505634815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762395838600502,0.4191863023235312,0.03997563396352053,0.038555817742108166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703606432805738,0.05749696902576349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047761769715709126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800370555993529,0.0,0.04380596648131874,0.0,0.061320456002436935,0.17097798158937608,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicidalButSafe,2018/04/17,"Im not suicidal but I know Im dying Every substance I have to take to either function or survive with my health issues makes me feel drugged and I know they don't mix well and it's been months of this

I feel like im going to die",-0.6116666666666681,1.364757576923079,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,88.61538461538461,4.235897435897436,18.28205128205128,5.46131890053228,-0.5107410256410256,182,5,43,1,6,62,39,52,0.145,0.748,0.106,-0.4635,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,12,10,4,3,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,7,2,5,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406769362772552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726159925289344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511217131725722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817543327118,0.14000015432982313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137358868556246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083056771119812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6350398174453725,0.2045405194137779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215398661758082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574045995906648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081069988375968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642043148432555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435806699542048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734415366894096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619949171165722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FallSchirmJager1945,2018/04/17,"Time to die I guess I don’t even know where to start, I don’t even know what to say. I have so many mental problems they all start to cloud into one, but depression, anxiety and Asperger’s syndrome are the big 3 I guess. This unshakable empty feeling within myself, it’s always there and the only times it’s not it’s replaced by this horrible sadness. It’s all too much, everything’s too much. No one really cares, all the people I give a shit about don’t. What’s the point? I really have nothing, no one, I can’t deal with it all. What kinda 16 year old boy should have to deal with all this? I probably deserve it though I’m a piece of shit. This has been such a shit show of a post but I just don’t know what to say and I have so many emotions, so many emotions I can’t cope with, that’s why I’m gonna end it all when I can ",0.6517614559636016,2.340855027624311,2.7093142671433235,94.60171595710108,81.59668508287292,6.247773805654857,19.486837829054274,7.285733465282438,0.2316523236919079,644,16,154,9,17,217,93,181,0.226,0.725,0.049,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,14,7,3,0,8,0,15,3,3,0,6,26,28,10,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,16,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,6,0,3,1,3,15,1,15,25,9,14,0,2,0,0,7,5,3,3,8,102,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006994066592032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258095428158407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338926904380686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24953526837198675,0.10423545825819958,0.0,0.125600990433564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722653205816589,0.10718894039141348,0.0,0.0,0.15986683905516758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876613040507828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119199963537784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609464729396128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663718619419113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995304051697247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680897738098048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196099407178992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792914354205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612319006336352,0.0,0.12699148407411515,0.0,0.2460214709748629,0.092042143162283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390092328955251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144042349584822,0.0,0.1159049407948129,0.0,0.1304814176220352,0.11580102859848973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505867239406265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924819717523951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726798398791261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713189814703224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890280127288315,0.0,0.14113697284273288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092028890121765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793374181118136
suicidewatch,someguyonabike,2018/04/17,"Anyone else think about it everyday? I honestly want to know. I like to think I have a more or less decent life but I just keep thinking stuff like “I’m going to stick a gun in my mouth when I get home” or “I’ll probably just kill myself in a few years”. I like to think I wouldn’t do it but there’s days where I legitimately believe that no matter what that’s how I’m going to go out. Like it’s inevitable or something.

I don’t want to talk to my parents or friends about it because I know that would freak them out. The last thing I want is for people to start treating me like I’m mental. But I don’t know what all this means. I can’t be alone on this.

",0.3941071428571412,2.1471271805555574,2.2700396825396822,97.10750000000002,82.75,5.2253968253968255,18.61904761904762,6.18269132825596,-0.3754369047619046,510,12,125,4,14,169,81,144,0.129,0.6920000000000001,0.179,0.3182,1,1,1,1,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,1,1,28,29,9,1,5,9,1,0,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,13,2,0,1,8,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,18,8,16,26,4,15,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,4,11,78,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613537650502727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893354905843153,0.15962754956553166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496949695449447,0.0,0.0,0.17552449274158125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047309951244277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014441673655128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036468987808395,0.0,0.08139500970874973,0.0,0.2656209423899586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627230848418722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847529159964905,0.17236101915304455,0.0,0.2568580046713286,0.12699146017050525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004065886010976,0.38056106927009625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697034097368697,0.0,0.0,0.15700192438523133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298883384192926,0.0,0.0,0.10800671570784036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797037297936404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993646941512287,0.0,0.0,0.11027054173863893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783448295549218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521989258602048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350143457646864,0.39930147961817264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756708797905905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110670329779124,0.0,0.0,0.10032508780385067
suicidewatch,temporal_corrector,2018/04/17,"Worried for a friend I heard my roommate shout a long-winded deathwish in the shower this morning. I don't think he knows I heard it, but I'm worried about him. How should I talk to him about it?",2.979674796747968,3.976156073170735,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,73.6341463414634,5.466666666666668,25.861788617886177,3.1291,0.2800666666666669,153,5,34,0,3,48,31,41,0.124,0.8170000000000001,0.059,-0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29489164981375393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097660613538144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33778238194609594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067868222116874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445706299267341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7752465604667634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaya28ak,2018/04/17,"Have you ever been on the brink of it and realised you want to live ? Happened to me this wknd. I had a breakdown after an arrest and release, started having delusional thoughts that they were coming back for me, to put me away for life. After this and losing my career last month, I had enough. I keep thinking about going out on the highway and getting run over by a semi. But then, I started thinking about life, no matter how miserable, is better than death. Just thought of non-existence, scares the crap out of me. If there is any after life, that scares me more. ",4.568188073394495,5.978605211009183,4.663199541284404,85.89736811926608,70.28440366972477,6.55091743119266,27.386467889908253,6.6274283507984215,1.2305311926605502,444,15,83,3,8,138,76,109,0.184,0.7709999999999999,0.045,-0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,2,7,6,1,3,6,0,8,4,1,1,1,19,20,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,6,0,13,1,21,14,2,21,0,2,0,0,3,7,1,1,10,68,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118243094944912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124117222639935,0.14833250801981546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706093372119877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617110342169264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932306377334136,0.0,0.0,0.17449416980829152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078522021096363,0.0,0.10963270462242226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058579531734136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146337112787113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572438202783376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087648152531701,0.0,0.0,0.17033918929737896,0.0,0.0,0.21581203611188696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397541880641516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392342061368067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862643398711886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27307916963652124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472122535391445,0.0,0.3062910157967529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378072777377365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnholyGuacomole,2018/04/17,"As a former suicide survivor, it’s getting harder to breathe every single day that passes I was born in a household where grades were the only reason you lived. If you got a bad grade you were rewarded with an ass beating hard as hell. I wasn’t really the brightest child compared to my family, in fact I was quite a dumbass when it came to understanding academics. Every time my siblings would snitch on my mom to my grades she would beat my ass senseless and till I bleed, it was a living hell. She trashed talked me and compared me to my siblings, and it felt even worse, like I wouldn’t be able to live without getting high grades. I went to a shit school where the teachers didn’t care about the material at all, but it’s my fault for not being smart apparently. I’ve held in my suffering even when I was a kid, I was still abused even as a kid too.  So one day, I decided that I’ll kill my self after my Mom beat my ass one more time, and I almost did it. I went to my room set my chair in the middle of the room got my belt put it around my neck and tied it to the ceiling and almost jumped, but my sister caught me and she stopped me. It really hit me at that moment, I was going to kill myself and I was prepared too. Our whole family decided that I wasn’t going to be the brightest and they’ve helped me in many ways, but the suicidal feeling come every single day. It’s simply hard to get rid of them, even in my dreams I see myself hanging and it scares me and soon I keep telling myself that’s going to be me one day. I’m scared, afraid, and tired of living this hellish nightmare, it’s getting hard to wake up and realize that one day I’m going to fucking hang myself and that’ll be the end of it. It may be that I’m crazy, but it’s hard to fight something when you can’t even see it.  It’s hellish for me to keep thinking that I’m not as good as my siblings, or that look he got a 100 on a test and you got a 50 well you’re  a fucking dumbass and you’re not going to make it in this world.  As the days go on it’s getting harder to make it through the day and it’s becoming more painful to see my family try to help me even though they haven’t gone what I’m undergoing. It’s getting hard to talk to anyone about this anymore and it’s getting hard to say shit. I was such a friendly dude who would crack jokes once in a while, now I’ve gone mute and tired of being friendly.",3.34071651450364,3.8015420667976434,4.4827140875996765,89.58798653646137,72.33988212180745,7.402773604530221,25.579625563388422,7.285733465282438,0.9515794059863628,1868,54,426,18,34,614,208,509,0.225,0.7020000000000001,0.073,-0.9981,1,0,1,0,3,3,37.0,1,5,2,5,23,27,11,3,27,0,29,14,8,3,2,56,75,38,4,5,10,3,8,1,2,6,4,1,2,4,38,23,0,4,8,2,0,18,10,18,1,4,26,13,61,9,59,35,6,65,4,1,4,5,29,22,9,5,24,272,99,7,0.06545341657217124,0.07755159561613975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108428394118893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649122013819023,0.045766550735000085,0.0,0.0,0.0582674176793901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546508688467263,0.0,0.07228815619019183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486127156943062,0.06673412043687091,0.0,0.0,0.0563823227353439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954842720409933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797229947963772,0.0,0.0,0.2593881860402727,0.0,0.1654419793342891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511096781803324,0.0,0.033095214074008894,0.0,0.0628455443756833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113829455887917,0.12102125783733805,0.23937696068170944,0.0,0.22319211007525044,0.05489922040442168,0.20939630606464546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518004293246316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774409085903889,0.06915512825043514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635600810435065,0.1448290154132928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031977233157387264,0.0,0.2311862639816328,0.0,0.05496438505642175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738132763206709,0.06635949108422355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331650083343729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697057524809352,0.17741171606815345,0.049780272747047334,0.06964705004178534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065798762009996,0.0,0.06961776534480196,0.0,0.0,0.08386226937330299,0.06729701348732822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052051183965966766,0.1310605768591705,0.0662423519621741,0.15647369617682844,0.0,0.06828218834450955,0.0,0.13437398304092724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038923784186712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052271183024160936,0.05472198706431946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319082842113046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521795381871464,0.05720917106019381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041939906446321805,0.0643076494570107,0.0,0.07633282713133194,0.1504581475263288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443857337740039,0.0,0.0,0.06813931499034462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051953875469224566,0.0,0.0,0.05885048213770589,0.1213519458242455,0.0,0.07307640212656698,0.0,0.06309475786495583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670262332885947,0.1394886875478175,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lookformeafterdark,2018/04/17,"I just want peace and quiet I've had five hospitalizations for suicide attempts/suicidal ideation, and I severely regret calling for help the most recent time when I knew if I stayed in my dorm alone I would hang myself.

I was effectively forced onto medical leave by my university, with a list of conditions for my return (and a description of how my roommate was traumatized by finding blood everywhere on my side of the room.  As if there was some sort of fucking bloodbath)(volunteering references, employer references, minimum of six months before I can return, etc. etc.).  I feel completely hopeless as now I have to stay with my family at home (I went to college 3000 miles away for a reason).  Every day I want to hang myself or go to the train tracks.  The only reason I don't is I'm afraid of failing/getting caught and ending up in the hospital and in more debt.

I feel like I'm going insane.  I'm completely fucking alone now.  If I don't get out of here I'm going to die.  There's no way out.  No one can fix me.  I had someone who gave a shit, even that didn't help, but now I'm worse off being alone.  I feel like some people after a suicide attempt realize that it was a mistake, but for me it doesn't ever feel like that.  It feels like I lost another part of myself, that even if I did not physically died, something did.  There's only so much I can stand to lose.

I always knew I was going to kill myself, but I didn't think it would be this soon.",3.164974226804123,4.894504161512028,4.70988402061856,82.89101159793817,74.39518900343644,7.874054982817872,25.18341924398625,8.59863814320734,1.7580388316151194,1145,38,227,22,24,384,158,291,0.191,0.7190000000000001,0.09,-0.981,2,3,1,0,0,6,37.0,0,0,0,4,15,14,4,1,11,0,23,5,2,4,1,46,49,18,5,10,10,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,3,0,10,9,0,0,15,0,1,8,8,10,0,3,17,6,34,4,38,28,8,40,0,4,0,2,5,14,3,9,18,158,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002563948660565,0.0,0.0,0.08040866265070723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133098112267463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079244257298616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222988249923484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867587744480766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026414334544523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232204669705167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058524679388745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559056735050012,0.0,0.21554875072208785,0.12765396696055953,0.0874125437229575,0.08141976427773746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109955904549792,0.0,0.2443096249938832,0.27614631855282695,0.0,0.0,0.08832329988577517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867633702208371,0.10097635328444232,0.0,0.21968123282977897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954577592556624,0.0,0.09693350910908703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106913109444555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232327729076524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884533149845675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811065529178727,0.10548930680969364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973503240725609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713371193698702,0.0,0.0710383752668044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548286668459913,0.14699164344098378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046470706510789,0.0,0.06699504257958727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871523527880164,0.09541611799084926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917086043766708,0.0991951807057362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081879134287597,0.07439490056383817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600164530959086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171113882137125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192026915593399,0.0,0.0,0.05634906705687204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399650604122714,0.07670493869283293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958228313707413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848005729855626,0.13729448964831653,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway58993893,2018/04/17,"i made a life for myself after escaping abuse - now that life is in jeopardy. feeling hopeless. i ran away from an abusive home situation and was taken in and supported financially by a friend. that support suddenly ceased a few months ago and i was facing homelessness. out of desperation i took the first place that said yes to me - now i hate it. i pay like 70% of my income to rent a room in a house full of screaming children and passive aggressive control freak roommates. i thought i could deal... but now i can't. the constant tension in the air, the walking on eggshells, the dreading coming home to what should be a refuge after a shitty day at my high-stress low-pay job - it reminds me too much of the abuse i flew thousands of miles to get away from. i don't feel safe anywhere anymore and can never relax. the building stress is putting me into crisis.

i want to get out, but since my previous roommate and i parted ways i have literally no real-life support system anymore. deep-seated trust issues means i have no real-life friends at the moment. i feel like i have no one to talk to. i do have a therapist who is extraordinarily kind and has been letting me see her for free ever since i lost my previous living situation - but i can't see her as often as i feel like i need, and i feel guilty seeing her without payment no matter how many times she tells me it's alright. aside from that, all the therapy in the world couldn't solve the more practical issues - i don't have the money to move again, nor do i have a license, so how would i even physically move my belongings? my previous roommate helped me move last time but they're out of state now.

i feel so trapped and hopeless. i haven't felt this emotionally or mentally bad in years. i don't feel capable of doing my job anymore - especially don't feel like i can do the 2 mile walk i do every day to get there and back. i have no energy, i'm utterly exhausted, always feel like i'm in fight-or-flight mode now. i can't handle my stress and have been catching myself flying off the handle about minuscule things. i almost had a meltdown at the grocery store yesterday because i couldn't fit all my shit in the reusable bags i brought in. i can't go on like this and i'm afraid of getting so deep in crisis that i become fully nonfunctioning. what will i do then? if i can't do my job i'll become homeless.

this hurts so much especially because i was doing so well. i felt like a full, functioning adult - i had a job, my boss loved me, i was being considered for a promotion, i was putting money into savings and paying down old debts, fixing my credit score, putting food on my table. i felt like i had become so much more than i had been told by my family that i would ever be capable of - i felt like my life was my own. now it's all in the gutter again and i really don't know how i'm going to get out this time. i'm not sure if i even want to get out this time. what do i do?",3.3858666666666686,4.6371758533333365,4.851666666666667,84.02666666666667,72.96666666666667,7.8000000000000025,26.66666666666667,8.309216665352881,1.6881666666666677,2312,80,475,37,45,775,266,600,0.192,0.679,0.129,-0.9924,7,1,0,0,3,2,65.0,0,0,0,4,27,41,3,5,31,2,59,8,2,6,7,74,109,34,0,11,9,0,13,9,2,4,4,2,4,2,20,22,1,2,16,1,9,16,22,16,1,3,27,18,82,26,63,71,13,88,0,4,3,1,16,38,1,5,40,327,102,9,0.0,0.2155388178073695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375204667153048,0.0,0.060720331561923725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045578470980119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804102035035027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394304505820026,0.04662698170972167,0.05063030863424085,0.07392888674426269,0.2009101631361636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223438276181836,0.0,0.06552828024555968,0.06801082290993868,0.04841461544738949,0.0,0.0,0.07821315930797809,0.06251525304955083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820973854247475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010183059868882,0.10970132673840298,0.05109024279343802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571642356287471,0.0,0.2759441605264329,0.1732795788164134,0.232888470040734,0.0,0.0,0.05157876539670662,0.07332387175099024,0.0,0.0936977430792219,0.0,0.19008553211110407,0.0,0.06892409737364005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986760290129833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040644462702719916,0.06406751733041803,0.12164998410729398,0.0,0.0,0.06996826465260003,0.06491437608288089,0.0,0.0,0.1265809142303202,0.24069596361188045,0.0,0.0,0.06314528481564738,0.03332513235943328,0.04942817208420267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062006599885363674,0.1284915209674821,0.26662256179521315,0.0,0.05354458284192632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619368583080462,0.0,0.05472828297429446,0.057377268107134234,0.0,0.06147754985978875,0.0,0.06605270408331093,0.0,0.0,0.061108976348841014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840077965562594,0.19334621850230627,0.13372801575494514,0.044962407663474376,0.046767866794428826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362952069922752,0.0,0.041089968601656465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656651894612222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335394336154078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828742176630528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803894264958896,0.03884634106226581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768075097216261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496222471397766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622441726668169,0.10032098133296267,0.13631960543358726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838233122334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643430597871107,0.05715072322153916,0.0,0.0,0.048738634793213664,0.053000401432047865,0.0,0.06934499034800827,0.07040554670263606,0.04028528148537456,0.0,0.0,0.04813990467113062,0.1414343331822435,0.0,0.0,0.05794233517028024,0.06737119750909404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153188446214158,0.048131727916880564,0.0,0.0,0.054520964383248084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058452996838251836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615118052179864,0.0,0.0,0.03904896988878953
suicidewatch,arabellabb,2018/04/17,"Been months since I was suicidal, not getting better I'm tired of repeating myself over and over so here is the short story:

I was raped and abused.

Not the first time I was raped, been raped more than 10 different guys on separate occasions. So I was desensitised to rape. It was normalised to me even though it shouldn't be.

I got PTSD and depression not from rape but from the emotional trauma.

My psychologist brought me to the police and did not follow up with me even though I cried for help.

He was not arrested.

None of them were.

I was blamed and bullied for being a victim in school and everywhere.

My parents don't understand why I can't move on and unconsciously victim blame me.

I left school.

I stopped eating and sleeping.

I've been suicidal since September 2017.

I've been holding on to hope ever since then.

I've been working towards everything that may bring about recovery. (therapy, counselling, medication, meditation, friends, online friends, online counselling, distractions etc)

I'm not recovering.

Help.",4.148135135135135,7.157962340540543,4.473716216216218,79.46354729729731,76.94594594594595,8.456756756756757,28.709459459459467,9.120678840339163,3.0219783783783787,823,36,140,22,20,258,112,185,0.287,0.62,0.093,-0.9908,2,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,1,3,9,14,7,1,5,0,21,9,1,0,1,23,30,14,2,2,7,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,1,2,1,0,0,4,10,10,0,1,16,0,18,4,21,10,3,21,0,1,0,5,8,10,0,2,7,96,21,3,0.0,0.16351950027644704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220587923415221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515977065062395,0.0,0.0,0.11886796912640235,0.0,0.0,0.14419126815866676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141218872364304,0.0,0.1552428811744818,0.0,0.0,0.15391783634336997,0.18230884966297287,0.12483811252940047,0.0,0.0,0.124034654301259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739139188491725,0.0,0.0,0.213252651395327,0.0,0.07210462490420022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037935149943838,0.0,0.0,0.13665177994709965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501063421698544,0.0,0.0,0.1370752526882767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994846857130287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903074082664138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015841205946952,0.14668298430630472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532439767673679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132651951041804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793473481475842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34249035072936984,0.0,0.1381098531597162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538269339012115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019214823572345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782667294550307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711886098440213,0.0,0.08047484805461648,0.15862240422365326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367346858407795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453272481864128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047305754012988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,captaingelsino,2018/04/17,"I attempted suicide 6 months ago. This is a message to all of those who are considering suicide. 6 months ago I was extremely depressed, I had no motivation to do work or be around those who love me. After months and months of sadness and lack of hope, I told my friends that I was going to commit suicide and I headed for my car because I was about to drive into a lake. My friend tackled me and force me to calm down and from there I did my best to pull myself out of the Abyss. Here I am after working through my issues and I am healthy motivated and happy in everyday life. I truly have felt better than I have in years. What I'm trying to say is I have been through what a lot of you are going through now. I know that you're thinking that this is your life now, and things won't get better. But I swear that they will, so please please please don't give up, and keep fighting. Please seek help, and know that you will be okay.",3.813365384615388,4.490325625000004,4.428333333333335,89.61923076923081,71.39583333333334,7.157692307692307,26.227564102564106,7.010146845296331,0.9432174679487176,728,22,161,6,13,232,109,192,0.126,0.615,0.259,0.9799,0,0,0,0,2,4,17.0,0,3,1,8,7,13,1,0,4,1,23,4,1,2,2,27,36,13,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,14,13,0,1,6,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,8,2,28,10,28,23,4,24,0,2,0,1,15,7,0,3,12,119,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104749808933689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056853410375252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237017931639106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458857397742874,0.209995134702404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225275340532992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398913929186053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834444630998225,0.0,0.062025930819704464,0.11388636400506595,0.1349418206013451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637889535238206,0.0,0.0,0.1218402454988979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795750398403634,0.0,0.0,0.1179150456941256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239120980215749,0.0,0.10552316275570067,0.0,0.0,0.13049003770001005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770989568610273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093089776807124,0.10714879736330547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790424292304244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212725334751177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441034711919197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38957891402708544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887182326965315,0.07607052950673714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134413724039754,0.0,0.08060260724876538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285811900438192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645133255550789
suicidewatch,SuicideThrowaway25,2018/04/17,"I have no idea what's going on but I want it to end. After my relationship ended a few weeks ago, I have plunged into the strangest and deepest of miseries. Every *single* day I am constantly breaking down so hard that I completely soak my face in tears and end up vomiting, I cannot remember the last time I genuinely laughed at something, I am always harboring EXTREME self-loathing thoughts, I wake up wanting to kill myself and I go to sleep wanting to kill myself. I used to  absolutely love my subject (mathematics) and now I have to force myself to even read a single page from a book, as I have no motivation to want to do anything. Every moment feels like pure emotional suffering. I am always on the verge of tears, I am always begging for death.

The funny thing is, I have no real reason for ANY of this. I don't even really think about my ex that much; the relationship was only 6-months long anyways and largely based on mutual lust. I think I'm just starved for physical affection, and that physical affection in the past has staved off my depression to manageable levels. Perhaps, maybe my random plunge from manageable depressiveness into *severe* misery is merely coincidentally lined up with my relationship ending. I don't care. All I know is, I'm just a college student and I have not undergone any traumatic incidents since my abusive childhood. I have no real reason to complain; I mean, Jesus, the other people on this board have had to go through divorces or dead relatives to get to where they were emotionally, and they're *still* stronger than I am. 

And yet, I feel like I'm trudging through the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. What the fuck is going on with me?

I'll try to make the ""right life decisions"" (I already get good grades and have a decently sized social circle and have been attending therapy, but I'll also try to sleep at a reasonable hour, eat 3 meals a day, go to the gym, and drink a lot of water, all of which I haven't been doing as consistently).  

If that doesn't stop the breaking down and the sheer emotional pain soon, I am ending it. Even though I would feel severe guilt over those my death would deeply hurt, this is just no way to live a life. I am NON-FUNCTIONAL. Worse than just not being happy, I am constantly feeling as if I was just told my mother and brothers have died in a horrific car crash and, also, my wife of 10 years has been cheating on me with my best friend. And nothing of the sort has happened. 

I am objectively one of the luckiest people in the history of humanity. I am in a position where I can easily Do the Right Thing (go to classes, do my homework, study for tests, eat my meals, exercise, and sleep before midnight), and that is all that is asked of me. I have no bills to pay and no mouths to feed. And yet, I am still completely and utterly *uselessly* miserable, and at such a young, fruitful age as well. How will I feel when I actually face hardship? 

I don't want to continue if I have no real reason to believe that I will feel better soon, or that  this random sheer pain won't come up again later in my adult life at a completely random time. If always doing The Right Thing™ does not change how insanely broken my brain chemistry is, then I am effectively like an incurable cancer patient and should reserve the right for euthanasia. 

In any case, I wrote this to vent, and to ask if there are other people that feel the same amount of sheer, sheer pain over fucking -nothing-. Thank you for reading. ",6.479111517506762,6.554449469539378,6.990222882615157,75.68170495675699,65.44873699851412,10.349815216977175,32.858193317331505,10.095792295376732,3.1942688231035934,2755,105,516,58,39,904,314,673,0.222,0.662,0.116,-0.9984,0,0,2,0,1,3,91.0,0,1,1,4,31,30,5,2,34,0,64,30,8,12,5,99,106,45,6,13,17,4,9,3,1,6,10,0,1,2,24,30,8,1,22,6,2,9,18,17,1,1,11,10,69,13,86,88,13,86,1,6,0,4,20,37,2,12,40,364,93,13,0.0,0.06961208945029355,0.05733395186164466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052080534528759916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483483003588544,0.0939686847590992,0.1955471019596551,0.0,0.0,0.11986111697407205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048348290509824365,0.0,0.10985128810544127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999403884833455,0.06619393323820782,0.061657110041100034,0.05196180000738846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558720576033301,0.0,0.0,0.059902075828744336,0.0,0.06215234061661945,0.05061006498299883,0.18480259344585026,0.12698113181787635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578098688658867,0.0,0.10120686139099844,0.0,0.06097580536315185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051414697028708566,0.0,0.0,0.05755506965121199,0.0,0.12023692291713155,0.0,0.19826591897423812,0.26018632272834114,0.0,0.0,0.11641639005314668,0.05314498785472475,0.09900300802111264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376561806825862,0.0839455764617143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539202547508643,0.10863145444046196,0.06139149875244607,0.0,0.20034235282613092,0.04927879834297872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195462994717137,0.06254311457988243,0.052630687910052605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578593646027525,0.0,0.062895752149806,0.06632440609609767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000184323544575,0.0,0.03228883017472537,0.04789111824254018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659944754672735,0.08611049188245204,0.0,0.05187952214299543,0.05199410188798584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049949263175292496,0.05302641308823173,0.0,0.03921774108631579,0.0,0.05902476975135625,0.06399868188741636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689567434478407,0.0,0.04318983786513661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274919108535605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981220550765865,0.04468391361642445,0.18755036459039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056085896528337585,0.12219472992926432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753677189520713,0.20061957722950646,0.037638347417213135,0.2416293661219032,0.0,0.1892345496031402,0.06655511430732401,0.2006972104615548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061291657059220565,0.13274717345917705,0.0,0.04860066412166699,0.0,0.17638475110064655,0.05989076130565349,0.0,0.04523053464099405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383962352912008,0.049119709635302884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054091396098904135,0.06718858886035302,0.0,0.11709762455488605,0.07529244229942565,0.057724019870558266,0.04664291171565623,0.06851809492820041,0.0,0.0,0.056140518815092,0.0,0.07977816369640832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074328466445074,0.0,0.0,0.17326869437191966,0.04663498923161287,0.04712770092759822,0.0,0.05282554142458281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987380330278407,0.08347216170720019,0.0,0.0,0.037834675152616
suicidewatch,Cosericle,2018/04/17,"I just wanna fucking die I’m nothing, I’m a fucking disappointment to my family. I have no friends, the ones I do have always wind up leaving me. I’m always treated worse than my younger siblings (I’m 12). I’m just sick of it. I was yelled at tonight just for nothing. I’m always fucking yelled at. The only thing that keeps me going are video games, but they take those away whenever they have the chance. I just wanna end it. BUT I DON’T HAVE THE GODDAMN STRENGTH! Someone help. I’m just gonna end it all soon. I just hope someone cares about my pitiful existence on this sorry planet.",0.6584322033898289,3.1586437203389828,2.08625,93.24090042372885,90.61016949152544,4.305932203389832,23.47669491525424,5.985473137389443,0.5252186440677971,461,19,93,4,16,148,71,118,0.149,0.6709999999999999,0.18,0.7263,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,8,10,3,0,5,0,8,4,0,0,1,13,24,2,1,3,8,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,2,14,5,12,22,1,10,0,2,0,3,5,5,3,1,4,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154264936082167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635788823759392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967717119137174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271859150114124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29479899394101283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688678779932025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285763535019851,0.4615602457056372,0.0,0.0,0.09458081718388364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115484030377258,0.0,0.0,0.1652934772974926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792251832361358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621567502022534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31937063169851865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277109041666195,0.12657057297764512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820157309379448,0.0,0.0,0.1862945420242806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251277850139231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056263305746868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959708711814053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,etherealmf,2018/04/17,"Call 911 On Myself? i’m fucking done with everything and if i don’t get out of my house and into a safe space right now i’m going to kill myself. can i call 911 on myself in order to get to the hospital?

please help ",-0.14499999999999955,1.6966661666666667,2.65816666666667,93.1035,85.25,5.506666666666668,15.85,6.742157984588678,-0.30988000000000016,168,3,39,2,5,59,35,48,0.092,0.746,0.162,0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,9,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,10,8,0,10,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,1,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613788606739257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813039068179564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470498914732113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541277592463045,0.28723327134098303,0.0,0.1562240987753108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425035068700274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317181639070846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041207290234703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017423782915137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475121751928754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Death-by-loneliness,2018/04/17,"I will overdose tonight. I will. I will. I will overdose tonight.

I am just 'around' in people's lives. They do not want me. It is not a big deal if I'm gone. I don't want me. Maybe somebody in this world will read this and not do what I did.

I let something good go. I went for something unconventional, and different. Different can't love me. Different can't have feelings for me. Different says 'I love you' out of an obligation. Different says how terrible I am, how everything is my fault. I tell different to go, because I am too weak to leave. I am too weak to be by myself. I need any little bit of affection I can. Different will not give it. Different will not leave. Different continues to tell me everything I've done wrong. Different is right. Different always wants to be right. Different will move on. Different will be okay. Different will hardly remember me. Different will move on. Different will be okay. Different will continue with its life. Different will be free. Different won't have an obligation. Different won't feel 'tied down'. Different won't be embarrassed about me. Different won't need me to depend on it. Different blames me. I believe you different. You are immune. You don't do anything wrong. 

Thank you for pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing. It broke. It shattered. I broke. I shattered. 

I can't live. I can't escape. I can control this.

Please don't do what I'm about to do. 

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suicidewatch,Lol_ImNick,2018/04/17,I ruined everything with my friends... I started going to high school two years ago. I had been accepted into a very good school and had an honors class as the cherry on top. I also needed up getting friends for a change rather than being neglected like I was in middle school. But now I ruined everything. I did bad in all my classes with a 2.7 gpa overall. I started becoming a worse person towards my friends and lost some of them. The ones still with me don’t care about me at all or think I’m just a terrible person who will never change. I’m lucky if I even get a text message from them about anything. Help me. I’m dead inside and I just hate my life. I can’t live a life like this where my friends will never forgive me or care about me like they used to. I have so many regrets and have made so many stupid decisions I can’t even see why life is worth living anymore. My whole life is ruined,2.351087837837838,4.1108618216216275,3.3982939189189203,91.29257601351351,76.72972972972974,6.138513513513514,23.45439189189189,6.9077264865688965,0.6814391891891893,707,22,150,7,16,227,111,185,0.204,0.616,0.18,-0.7969,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,3,3,14,24,2,0,10,0,15,4,0,2,4,30,32,12,1,4,7,0,0,3,4,2,4,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,5,10,0,2,7,1,27,14,20,22,4,20,0,6,1,0,13,11,0,5,11,101,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068705861213273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083461369640564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126467043843434,0.0,0.0,0.09347152836288328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483949298076147,0.0,0.12544671706536945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23161681709033,0.0,0.2403176702839347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500448487424947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416738932712264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35102477890349515,0.0,0.11868790305446568,0.0,0.0645534920228782,0.09527047489028737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121425734563435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613424328593814,0.1200097535262457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209163583264313,0.16647701913466656,0.0,0.2005968845767757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239924419199712,0.0,0.0,0.10747773740059126,0.0,0.2303165758092469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422251534754349,0.17520891711790867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769687543666489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835767627272372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448650244645873,0.09051326675065334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079338788053602,0.0,0.090709856954323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278126673859812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095693245396138,0.0,0.0,0.09810175958083317,0.0,0.09372027401532143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249361944550074,0.12681461562814667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157537494003572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314560399833812
suicidewatch,Gallade0475,2018/04/17,"I just want to die. I can’t deal with this shit anymore.
My mother’s a total asshole who constantly criticizes everything I do. My father is an immature man child without any job security. My brother is just better than me in every way, Duke graduate, engaged, Doctor. My crush doesn’t like me back, even after all the work I’ve done to impress them, and I am heartbroken. School grades are suffering. Insomnia. My therapist isn’t helping. My medication isn’t helping. I see a hideous, fat beast in my mirror everyday. I hate myself, and honestly at this point going through every day of life is no different from hell to me. I don’t feel like I can find faith in any religion anymore. Anxiety, insecurity, depression, through the roof.
I might as well shoot myself in the mouth.
I honestly welcome leaden death now.
But I’m too scared to actually do it.",3.0521885275849456,5.72662249068323,4.8873803434417225,76.89067592254294,78.75155279503106,8.757179393496529,29.96748264523201,9.325443323948027,3.374010303251737,675,33,118,20,17,229,112,161,0.254,0.5760000000000001,0.17,-0.9606,2,0,0,1,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,2,7,18,3,2,6,0,15,7,3,0,2,13,21,4,2,1,4,3,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,1,2,23,11,18,19,2,14,2,2,1,0,11,6,2,1,8,79,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.1564470224040431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804316923030684,0.0,0.1226426591608968,0.0,0.31798430850374565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232744732447584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178804401146886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324656097613178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339170219642473,0.16528058662307432,0.1380814647984586,0.0,0.1663845396663704,0.16749795310563365,0.0,0.16409203608531767,0.0,0.16406074509461313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588837847652714,0.0,0.2701492799820124,0.0,0.14408327893173484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106148411291747,0.11453105058167012,0.0,0.0,0.1465275420620548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111228612760908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828061224355786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491525062405487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590906543721636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323718573003565,0.15664633392405286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150329215217854,0.0,0.17007182459875564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515521167766496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050606056122946,0.16225014738312646,0.12775251036159882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645638923365654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861412934105296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945595774585262,0.12725278771532353,0.0,0.0,0.14414493322735947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545406142664952,0.0,0.11671324966583825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katkraz,2018/04/17,"I hope I helped... My best friend who is family and has helped me through my depression lows called me last night saying she’s scared she was gonna hurt herself.  I drove two hours, with her on the phone line talking to me, to get to her. I made her stay on the line cuz I was so scared I wasn’t gonna get there quick enough and find her body. I got there and took her straight to emerg at the hospital. Sat with her in triage. Sat with her in the waiting room. Sat with her in the room waiting for the doc. Helped her talk through her sobs. But I’m mad she lied and said no she wasn’t thinking of suicide, when the whole drive there she said she was. That she’s been taking her meds everyday when she hasn’t been. They sent me out of the room for a professional to talk to her. Then sent her home 20 mins later. The whole time I debated if I should tell the doctor the truth or not.  I decided no, the chance of the doc not listening and her knowing and being betrayed when she felt like I’m the only one there for her.... I couldn’t. 
So I put her in the car and drove her home and spent the night. She woke me up around 5 am said she didn’t sleep. So I crawled in bed with her and wrapped her up in blankets and my arms. She got an hr or two of sleep. I spent the day with her until I had to leave two hrs ago. I had the second toughest conversation I’ve ever had, I sat with her in bed and asked her to promise me not to hurt herself, if she felt like it then call me or someone. I cried. She cried. I said I appreciate her. I love her. She’s my family. I’ll be looking forward to and waiting for her call tomorrow.    I hope I get it. She’s saved my life once. She told me I saved hers last night. I hope so. I really do. ",-0.18051140833989265,1.8022197634408603,1.4614398111723084,100.74508654602677,86.58064516129032,5.027117755048518,17.40650406504065,6.345904618129536,-0.5368905848413323,1320,31,334,13,41,426,159,372,0.124,0.767,0.109,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,1,1,14,20,1,2,20,0,20,7,4,2,2,50,62,29,1,7,9,0,2,2,1,3,2,6,7,0,4,21,0,3,6,0,2,9,10,8,0,5,33,9,85,12,42,23,4,50,0,5,1,1,71,20,1,8,24,219,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781387622222863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814502237835431,0.08206477345935102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921223019765486,0.0,0.0,0.09750655139183284,0.0,0.0,0.26890719474241925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284987505875992,0.056612440587903365,0.0,0.07560692547011498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984909278483062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070277246469646,0.0,0.0,0.07940428308153663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550702832714986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856990294782653,0.0,0.08023160073058974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782052994951715,0.0,0.1375881755509419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041534424439012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651624742003807,0.0,0.17610597906357875,0.2615634427836225,0.08644806502531459,0.0,0.18794593093073264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824295789800654,0.14310888245631334,0.0,0.09294897654022413,0.0,0.0,0.062003365002193576,0.08577217595025699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371517859055256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922711972700397,0.08306190954442116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750655139183284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24713374611511935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348548132843433,0.059483683482475264,0.06676253526839519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882456428399071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562357075178429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33400497986472355,0.06980815518926026,0.17577116198857276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569176038384673,0.0,0.07437781444788198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356444889229924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601979062221466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600150385290322,0.21166870825673526,0.07672576082477148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056247471714421945,0.0,0.0,0.051186672774850735,0.0,0.0,0.08387992599647544,0.09752957047294314,0.0,0.0,0.2572521968656559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601201861842896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BackgroundCandle,2018/04/17,"Can crisis/suicide hotline chats track you? Throwaway because people irl know my main account. 

Basically what the title says. I'm in the US if that matters. I want to call (well, chat), but I know that sometimes they'll trace it and call police if it's a serious enough risk, and I can in no way, shape, or form afford being institutionalized. I'm already scared enough to get help (last time I tried the therapist more or less told me everything was my fault...), but I want to try again before I do anything drastic. 

Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, thank you for your time.",5.606472819216187,6.041861884955754,5.847307206068269,81.8924778761062,67.31858407079646,8.227054361567639,29.417193426042985,7.957251820313856,1.7975370417193417,455,15,90,5,7,145,83,113,0.14,0.7709999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.7845,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,3,1,0,2,7,0,2,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,17,9,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,1,14,2,7,13,6,9,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,5,4,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888974370062729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086360920334914,0.0,0.16002684639930626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043475573629489,0.0,0.14565852642500052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495805287679541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537420022097259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384232956259267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943261486065596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473594666803072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814816852486665,0.1395316296252037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867217711290845,0.0,0.17884292676976987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361263603977909,0.1713774592633558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929785721454835,0.1916179887489212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872392213792654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575962500637187,0.0,0.1987490180566864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962869515237106,0.0,0.0,0.16356640574986728,0.0,0.2324351069167203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059041579151251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192857611973752,0.13587187528356265,0.0,0.0,0.15390815982781675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715454450144375,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,walkinginsquares,2018/04/17,"Been in school for 8 years. I've gone through many failures. TOMORROW I have THE last exam of my university career, and if I fail, I will end my life. I'm putting my life on the line. It's a low chance of me failing the exam but, if by a small chance, I fail this last exam, that's it. I can't go on. I can't live with myself if I fail this last exam. I've gone so far, only to end with failure. I will have let down everyone and myself. I will hate myself forever of course, since I am the only one to blame. This might be my last post. Please comment, and help me change my mindset. I'm so stressed right now.",-0.7710432330827041,1.241407172932334,1.5811983082706789,98.5316470864662,90.05263157894737,4.528007518796993,17.335056390977442,5.985473137389443,-0.5358266917293228,466,12,114,4,16,157,75,133,0.24,0.687,0.07400000000000001,-0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,1,1,6,0,12,2,0,0,0,10,18,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,7,0,1,3,0,20,0,14,9,0,22,0,5,0,0,2,8,0,4,9,69,26,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251929858357469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30562984212194194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648647181198612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805569495755684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034272864268127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564666606764795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625566614734456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642886814328682,0.2437333407756949,0.0,0.0,0.1523516877795356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174923549396961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303251583846866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691427470359712,0.2624414942486659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939177011399932,0.0,0.0,0.16524096901656368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734454681411921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473440650734235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461477079321722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427228490218852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763841755965214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110697203809464
suicidewatch,Whydidrowaway1,2018/04/17,Why would she tell me she loves me if she doesnt? Why would she leave me. She's all I had. Why did she tell me she loved me? She said it when we broke up. Why did she say it? She left me alone I'm so scared to be alone. Why did she tell me she loved me if she didnt why did she lie? I want to be gone. I don't know how I'm going to do it but tonight I might walk away from my life. My mom will be sad but aslong as she never sees my body it'll be okay. Maybe I'll walk a couple cities over then jump off a bridge... just brainstorming I don't know. It's 1026 now.I can't go to school tomorrow. I want to be gone by 7,-3.139703989703989,-1.5648716756756738,-0.4035907335907325,110.50869369369371,100.2162162162162,3.35958815958816,9.074646074646076,4.892091775363687,-2.309678635778636,464,3,142,2,21,156,75,148,0.094,0.8190000000000001,0.087,-0.2515,0,2,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,21,5,1,1,2,16,36,9,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,7,6,3,0,0,9,3,33,4,12,17,1,17,0,2,1,3,25,5,0,3,5,83,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25089653877337675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113800288575892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454181726809986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402175951740214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376754880817297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313352043193874,0.0,0.0,0.12825316902736034,0.1316019312849266,0.0,0.08555369136797465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279582914019848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168566261396775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849376552680314,0.0,0.1418593431199903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341854493297748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521696831172873,0.09632292318035253,0.12126657757710906,0.12258428133950434,0.09652040336835356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31760399107419296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288452779212846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6557751706486176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208648758731548,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadddddddd,2018/04/17,"Monday , 23rd of April I’m just putting this here for relatives or anyone who cares to see before I kill my self . It’s either going to be this date or slightly before / after. This place isn’t meant for me , I’m not meant for this place , I hate everything . Kura if you ever read this , I love you. I’ve tried , I honestly have and I really wish there was an alternative but I guess not . There’s just nothing I like doing anymore apart from sleeping and cutting , I absolutely fucking hate myself fuck I don’t belong here at all . I feel sorry for the people that have to be around me or even just have to look at me . I don’t want to do this , I need to. ",1.3114188034188068,3.2579398000000026,3.2318518518518538,90.38794871794872,80.62962962962962,5.931623931623932,19.273504273504273,7.010146845296331,0.23397435897435906,503,12,109,6,13,169,83,135,0.158,0.765,0.078,-0.9155,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,10,10,6,0,2,0,11,4,1,0,2,23,29,7,1,4,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,3,19,4,16,24,2,13,0,0,2,3,5,6,2,5,6,77,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714841555897994,0.11784851350131098,0.0,0.0,0.15003814901490456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868337254814214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183984300762015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132042817925797,0.1524559248281599,0.0,0.0,0.15147471832999804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521991978842554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31162880114716923,0.0,0.0,0.09578632565768194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566805918647725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328007432153445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864667962104288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823411275912689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153286560569472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211577185387767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497178742754593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172063344461465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684582944690625,0.0,0.3521811199139621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943130230643436,0.0,0.0,0.1685876503498646,0.0,0.10797234689714336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343061850510896,0.0,0.17582610587393616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168663759526059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886690155773693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442898209588134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941046224885096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938150287487703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mightbedeadtomorrow,2018/04/17,"I think I’m done with living 3 failed attempts. I keep doing self destructive things and not caring, to a level I haven’t done it since I tried to kill myself last. Something hurt me. I am a failure and I have no reason to live. I am so far into depression I can’t get out. It’s my fault I deserve it. ",-0.08798701298701063,1.8188069545454584,2.5689610389610387,93.4377272727273,85.51515151515152,4.983549783549783,18.51948051948052,6.18269132825596,-0.15899740259740192,233,6,53,2,7,81,47,66,0.424,0.5760000000000001,0.0,-0.9837,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,13,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,12,1,6,11,0,5,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083691796778084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034516186407708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834598791898468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341257915028002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528730247067003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995873022253245,0.2613368804151812,0.0,0.0,0.19254673825559332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171643151159281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428683439689052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464237437360655,0.0,0.0,0.19539947483143735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818498342547388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693073853719147,0.15135702309801535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037446782897935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeffham654,2018/04/17,"I’m 15 and I’m just so tired Ever since I started high school, life seems to have just been going downhill.  Middle school was fine I was the model student popular, athletic, and smart. But in high school I’ve just become extremely unmotivated, I don’t know why. I’m tired everyday and this has led to me being unable to socialize. And that has led to me cutting myself which then led me to be hospitalized for a good couple of months. The therapy and pills doesn’t seem to be working as I’m still getting suicidal thoughts everyday. They just won’t go away. I don’t even know why I’m like this. I’ve stopped cutting, but after my best friend told me that she wasn’t comfortable with me around and I should stay away I’m about to start again. I just want it to end, but I’m too pussy to kill myself and being the only child this means my family will suffer. I wish there was a way of getting away without death, but there doesn’t seem to be any, and I’m too tired to think of any. I just want everything to stop. I want to stop hurting and I don’t want to hurt anyone in the process. Help.",1.8322798145807009,3.772555637168143,3.226611883691529,91.09750737463129,78.91150442477877,6.605646860514118,21.823851664559626,7.62386473244151,0.7520010956595029,858,25,188,13,21,280,116,226,0.172,0.667,0.161,-0.7123,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,1,2,17,14,3,0,6,0,21,5,0,3,1,43,49,16,3,6,11,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,7,11,0,3,8,0,0,5,8,6,0,0,7,0,21,8,29,34,1,30,0,3,0,0,7,9,0,3,15,114,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401594817058744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205722542935578,0.0,0.0,0.0917392371389562,0.0,0.0,0.2904657496338758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381421328056578,0.0,0.0,0.10814802337498676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402645615001275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127458777590952,0.0,0.0,0.06806569679910274,0.09321756055295026,0.0,0.0,0.09261761223175224,0.0,0.09714942844570787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961868191430496,0.0,0.10768213491808601,0.0,0.1171350686725207,0.08643617307939329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907441825508187,0.21776282397994906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064126162093592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401314764547403,0.0,0.11327073741080182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278955501233657,0.050346610378631584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225519555027724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225611745092731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837663703429625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128861588858231,0.0,0.2814474131492972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524670968143462,0.0,0.0,0.10504980608581907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458832352926682,0.10984104813672653,0.08229845505378293,0.2584713832161565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272352446551033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785036752060195,0.0,0.0,0.06603235867145138,0.0,0.08181276584549173,0.0,0.35533363820982056,0.0,0.09847179241860766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431338970846579,0.08179886962186175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859790504902363,0.0,0.11850614660482628,0.09933965129272557,0.0,0.07502399015349878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lolbrbgonnakms,2018/04/17,"Graduate or die trying I’ve barely started school and I already figured out that there’s 99% chance I won’t be able to handle it. I’m bipolar, so my emotions already aren’t exactly steady. All I can do is try to bullshit my way through school, get a job, and pay back my insane amounts of debt. If I fail at any step or just continue feeling the way I do now, suicide is the plan. Come to think of it, suicide is a common thought recently. I see a way to kill myself in everything. Even the most ridiculous and unlikely ways to try to kill myself seem like a comforting option. I lied to my instructor today and said I had no intention of killing myself. I know she’s had two other students that committed suicide, and I don’t want her to worry about something she has no control over. The only thing I’m truly afraid of is trying and failing.",3.5328733031674204,4.93723291176471,4.850000000000001,83.58192307692309,72.82352941176471,7.58371040723982,30.72398190045249,8.139509932561175,2.25716742081448,665,30,129,10,13,221,108,170,0.307,0.618,0.075,-0.994,3,0,1,0,0,6,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,9,4,1,8,0,14,1,0,2,3,26,27,10,7,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,6,0,2,2,5,7,0,1,4,3,20,2,18,21,3,17,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,6,8,86,26,8,0.12159689776316104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683704007601149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269006021424624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935005086513089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474496049781587,0.0,0.0,0.1363812604354681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619838220384366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367801434885597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803136041649123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928345109629944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061483045087033464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352936035437637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066615832081327,0.0,0.4035868538870969,0.0,0.06682647497703119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059406102150529765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247992011495068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200622669820718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566649518217074,0.0,0.0,0.24612510456972814,0.09689698431381452,0.11069724886348904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936112325850108,0.0,0.0,0.08606691009256345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990218105333264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807835757736454,0.07791438221909705,0.0,0.0965343543186661,0.0,0.0,0.11525964112741142,0.0,0.0,0.3302252470047484,0.0,0.1187825003943178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717210007676993,0.3860718302987579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348755213236885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mystalist,2018/04/17,"""Reach Out"" This is all that everyone ever tells me, and I thought I should try again for the millionth time in my life. And, like every single other attempt, I got kicked into the fucking dirt. And I'm not even gonna try getting up this time. I'm gonna make sure I'm fucking six feet under by morning. Fuck this.
I just want someone to ""reach out"" And help me. Please. My life has no meaning anymore. Please.",1.1131593038821954,3.3768754698795216,2.223534136546185,95.54673360107095,83.4578313253012,4.1708165997322615,22.475234270415,5.033348758259628,-0.020634805890227703,316,11,67,1,9,100,58,83,0.096,0.7240000000000001,0.179,0.4951,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,2,0,3,6,1,1,3,17,17,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,8,2,9,12,2,10,0,0,0,3,2,6,3,0,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690882757500385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448081333317007,0.17047937948558906,0.15879175116930214,0.18008849372133304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227046903157931,0.09846633742411197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073444295478527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263255967287991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623992513699285,0.09207555792748306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580332473680708,0.0,0.0,0.205296040444807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137607972404405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968765364393264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762811301624698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472864672218426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962191107132336,0.21979348906476084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559137256864442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116284222906997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pdf-f_376,2018/04/17,"Everything has gone to hell I can't do it anymore. 
Good luck to everyone else out there, stay safe. ",1.939,4.171886900000004,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.0,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.8980000000000001,78,3,17,2,2,25,19,20,0.168,0.511,0.321,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331678026274049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648731457215478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173614382790205,0.3925491646043023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663498412052162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465548729300438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emptybeing123,2018/04/17,"I cheated on the only person to ever love me I made the biggest mistake of my entire life and lost the girl who loved me more than life itself. she would have done anything for me at anytime, leave her career and move away to start a new life with me if i wanted to. and i cheated on her. i am devastated by my actions and the guilt is weighing on me so heavy she was a perfect match after having so many less than good relationships. she had one lapse of infidelity years ago when we were in the early stages of being together and it just never left me. i was cut very deeply and it stung for years, i made my mistakes two years after her one. i had sex with multiple woman to top it off who were so much less attractive then my then gf was, all because i thought it would make me feel better; it has done the exact opposite. i have starved for weeks i have slept 3-4 hours a day for 16 days, she will never trust me again and at this point in my life she is all i ever want. she has already moved on to a new guy, she no longer text me after four years of constant contact all times of the day and night. i am beginning to really take suicide as a viable option, i am not successful in life and i ruined the only good thing i ever had. she loved me so dearly after learning her mistake and i destroyed her with mean words and then cheating on her kind soul. i hate to say it but this world would be a better place without me in it. i have a gun, im just saying my goodbyes to my family inside my head at this point. i know they will miss me but i cant live with the guilt bearing on me at every second. recognize how good someone is to you before you give them up for nothing. it could cost you your life.",2.714976657329597,3.8503596386554615,4.110084033613447,89.14553688141926,74.46218487394958,6.633426704014939,23.3062558356676,6.937597516519254,0.6469320261437903,1329,36,289,12,27,440,184,357,0.123,0.792,0.086,-0.8171,0,0,0,1,0,1,25.0,1,4,2,6,12,28,6,2,16,0,32,13,2,4,10,53,52,24,1,10,7,0,1,0,1,5,6,2,0,4,15,16,1,0,5,0,1,3,6,14,0,5,15,3,63,14,49,29,7,60,1,3,0,4,36,24,0,2,32,220,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988091286185678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944339963810997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415641210637508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846653757123771,0.0,0.0,0.054932856753158316,0.0,0.07668065424041999,0.0,0.0,0.15939759666803324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738157276633133,0.0,0.07194895668673351,0.0,0.0,0.17434885600291586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844364851632546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445407011821306,0.07592520630168455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495176663650895,0.0,0.045564510886749586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864458728598368,0.0,0.22675086375306205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922735055017747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889692405543279,0.09248329651775092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874445901707459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733893583709942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938402034218251,0.04952447690747507,0.0,0.0,0.09541805981241427,0.09790947893143696,0.0,0.381902480945983,0.0,0.0,0.07957260087894999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837043196080172,0.0,0.2439950926927661,0.17053670837597829,0.060152012391978885,0.0913617826186192,0.0,0.09816091899554713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915545346794822,0.06624439833883647,0.0,0.13900344725364194,0.17406595528671231,0.0,0.0845661904922416,0.0,0.08646712624810513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212759902605932,0.13707201134616798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868435364101763,0.09415029087252713,0.0,0.170374331295501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772954478104285,0.0,0.0,0.09674906183968901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433250580088006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635357603570167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378338379874025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857044655893618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775475832829891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598679540448641,0.0,0.0,0.07154070902102798,0.052546388203807186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880286024335782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435375653237243,0.10630352857970614,0.0,0.07228427675023631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686699458132162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204389517281828,0.0,0.0,0.2321226858648172
suicidewatch,ExAlcardking,2018/04/17,It's time to let go. I will never beat the whole addiction and mental illness has over me. All I want is sleep. I just need to end it already. I just hope I can find a way soon. Maybe I'll get lucky and someone will so it for me.,-1.9553296703296719,-0.10882103846153512,0.6956043956043985,103.30653846153848,95.92307692307692,3.740659340659341,15.120879120879119,5.288315135182226,-1.1558274725274726,174,4,46,1,7,59,40,52,0.054000000000000006,0.805,0.141,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,2,11,11,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,4,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290242530017468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938041120149144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23581094132680014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433399045231613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910019326220027,0.0,0.1513111780568173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644378798965713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722499686891899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674753686264549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683088079068735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741469619689486,0.20534185544737316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664337730271105,0.0,0.22558555608486575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552475577262351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570361327753891,0.211330107481356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29724912292454786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue-strawberry,2018/04/17,"Why should I not kill myself? I have a two reasons that I have been thinking about recently and it's been fucking me up.

1. Life is meaningless and it won't really matter in the end because in 100 years no one will care

2. Life is full of good things and fucked up things. Killing myself would prevent any good things happening to me but also nothing bad can happen to me. I'll also be dead so why does it really matter?


I'm honestly just looking to find a way to talk myself out of it but I can't just find a way. I can't really say I could go through with it but I fucking hate myself that I could keep this in my ideas.",0.9317755928282242,2.8371869548872186,2.950375939849625,92.13197223828806,81.70676691729324,6.197570850202429,20.757085020242915,7.321109707123232,0.5393440138808558,487,14,109,7,13,164,81,133,0.16399999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.124,-0.7745,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,6,0,4,0,16,5,0,1,0,24,28,9,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,2,2,16,4,15,19,1,13,0,0,1,3,2,7,3,0,3,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077432512806785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896172524711221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003366071065884,0.08033395667702407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436199132659826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104366934857005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532456898457075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672100492033205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24089533787831094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365494976694643,0.0,0.0,0.07489556107574807,0.2210673798508756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330713065201897,0.0,0.0,0.1301088554049792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876745343688794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171351690062629,0.29159768324524343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616506994482687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066489196046148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644975674968303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929986377109675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253271522192844,0.13549531608862747,0.13012024014143686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479947413392962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105922530377591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626531684776617,0.08444150172788667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287332637007171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920710783272087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378280986668991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361516869114428,0.0,0.0,0.08486420920092867
suicidewatch,sleepingsoft,2018/04/17,"I miss you, love. I miss you so much. I only want you. I just set up a date with a new guy and I feel fucking dead inside. I want to drink bleach. Then I'd wake up next to you like Mary wakes up next to Francis at the end of Reign. I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling this way. I want this feeling to end, it won't end as long as I'm alive. I love you. You have my whole heart.",-1.9320652173913049,-0.4185883369565211,0.567565217391305,107.3796086956522,89.97826086956522,3.68,13.54782608695652,3.1291,-1.8295860869565224,291,4,86,0,10,98,55,92,0.08199999999999999,0.677,0.241,0.8992,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,6,0,0,2,6,1,0,4,0,3,8,3,0,0,10,16,5,1,4,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,17,3,14,15,3,15,0,2,0,3,9,4,1,0,10,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017535987003068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615819392301578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635077999085383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059746747453696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200596383432715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058540717061153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227006142563386,0.08486877022583332,0.0,0.15339424318433711,0.1537330256661536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135706023671441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770110862463574,0.0,0.0,0.16777581215412593,0.3694974701983156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211870172615225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098483431279229,0.13788752447209673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939474985370168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Takuwind,2018/04/17,"This guy needs help Not sure if folks here help people, but see comment in this thread I just ran across:

https://www.reddit.com/r/IRS/comments/8brrzd/never_received_acceptance_notification_for_form/

See comment from wekilishorts147 ",20.0398717948718,27.14564273076923,10.482307692307693,35.34602564102568,44.769230769230774,6.543589743589743,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.4167589743589741,205,4,21,2,3,50,22,26,0.054000000000000006,0.809,0.136,0.3002,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36808478851265053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983440405585133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27564330314982155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577203307322368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924633270112538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35036411404150697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_mylife12,2018/04/17,"Crashing down For the past four weeks or so I’ve felt euphoric, positive, and just so happy. 

Today I broke down in tears while talking to some people before class. 

They didn’t see me break down at all, and i went towards a pavilion instead to cry. 

My life has been filled with so many disappointments and lies, I’m not sure if it’ll recover. My ex cheated on me and I’m sure the person I like will do the same. In fact, he probably doesn’t even like me because he always leaves early when we hang out after class. 

My parents don’t show me a lot of affection and I feel so very disassociated from them. There’s so much negative energy around and my mom talks about suicide so much and hates it whenever I say I feel depressed or even anxious. 

I’ve already had two years of my life drained away while taking college courses early. No prom, no yearbook pictures, no inside jokes. This is the first time I regret homeschooling and going to college early. 

I want to restart my life and end this one. I hate thinking that it’ll be better when it never has. I hate thinking my life is going uphill when it never has. It never never never has. 

I hope I don’t wake up. 

 ",3.197930878698892,4.8769013433476385,4.335120849333638,85.82394623898803,74.1931330472103,6.62200135531963,25.567878924779762,7.273561745256523,1.1912798283261798,915,31,181,10,19,299,141,233,0.21600000000000005,0.664,0.119,-0.9744,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,2,2,16,16,4,0,6,0,17,5,1,1,9,39,34,23,1,4,5,3,3,2,0,3,4,1,0,1,9,13,0,0,5,2,0,5,14,8,0,4,5,5,26,8,23,25,6,39,0,4,1,0,12,12,0,6,23,127,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556302260962868,0.0,0.09467706312724744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854307116401245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129151994205393,0.0,0.0,0.1069034297249812,0.0,0.0,0.06936142126686654,0.0,0.09682145579444884,0.0,0.0,0.10063234014114768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249859323781306,0.0,0.0,0.0980016406154981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077848929463512,0.0,0.0,0.15030597811170235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506480533630213,0.0,0.10925009147351306,0.0,0.0,0.0967842647889862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933167436726173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112474893084105,0.0,0.3370132196989988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301278006146467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048039432676005,0.0,0.0,0.32147486257979624,0.11117783073468457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967347405390309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535870272280335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326196715174726,0.0,0.0,0.16728806369553964,0.0,0.43878460143765396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710270633131082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634321296156115,0.0,0.10861931295217547,0.07888321564398544,0.09935144324515664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267795633535775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048527888616444,0.0,0.0,0.09067079080062644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446078125810275,0.0,0.2144793767982934,0.0,0.08555110025246737,0.18290988157623805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581586208438088,0.0,0.0,0.06634812721708724,0.0,0.1078535403596545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111150035476316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388337935509612,0.06711251028782024,0.0,0.09127033376715198,0.0,0.0,0.10547852925367768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327290237340715
suicidewatch,Lifesucks56,2018/04/18,"Tired of being told to embrace suffering I'm fucking tired of waking up into this shit, I'm fucking tired of justifying my pathetic existence over the mistake my parents made of having a sorry excuse of a son. Everyday is the same and the numbness is becoming overwhelming, my meds aren't working, therapy sucks, I'm trying here but for fuck sakes Life is supposed to be enjoyed and what happens when you find no enjoyment anymore whatsoever? 'Just keep fighting because where there is life there is hope' cliche is bullshit what hope is there? More suffering with very brief moments of clarity and cheap thrills of overrated experiences? Now here I am making a fool of myself on the internet with complete strangers, great more bullshit added on. All well fuck this. ",6.804087591240872,8.734922437956207,6.6347518248175215,71.89592335766426,65.4963503649635,9.859562043795616,38.51751824817518,10.125756701596842,4.461698394160584,622,34,96,15,10,196,93,137,0.275,0.5329999999999999,0.193,-0.9267,1,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,10,20,7,1,7,0,12,12,2,2,1,17,27,5,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,13,1,0,2,0,6,7,18,23,4,11,0,3,0,4,6,6,6,2,4,66,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945263026748256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571780455616604,0.15529859261127135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474325059821331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754878197948525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285198709542111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.519986454454193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502890593813656,0.0,0.0,0.12434567850472752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793255160209677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498537279695544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864154264020736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305363221787608,0.09386182963403374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619194043190315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613669151861098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433962318061072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740735791154958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080589310540622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484849935090229,0.0,0.13436398085730378,0.0,0.09546858388538293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602237981355705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264300755774503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236964037346392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiddleEarthisOP,2018/04/18,"Can’t get over him I love him so much. We haven’t been together since June of last year. We were together for over 6 years. He was my best friend. We only broke up because I had an anxiety attack. I tried numerous of times to get him back but he told me that I hurt him. He’s still the only person I still have in my life. I live with him and his new gf. He still talks to me and is there for me (like when I went in and out of mental hospitals). 

But I just want to die . I have no family and have no friends. I have tried numerous times to try and move on but I still just can’t. He’s the only person I’ve every truly had and loved. ",-1.1486858573216523,0.7735525460992925,1.453216520650816,99.41647058823533,90.91489361702128,5.303462661660409,13.96787651230705,6.794906146795322,-0.667443387567793,483,8,124,7,17,165,79,141,0.13699999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.145,0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,3,0,0,1,10,9,1,0,3,0,13,3,0,0,0,17,20,11,1,1,5,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,7,0,25,6,17,13,2,22,0,2,0,2,23,7,0,0,14,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886287526751597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618923917525585,0.0,0.10942370049973348,0.0,0.0867477591809921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493402353591981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769004123092508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989803373273505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341524149617437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988885834452515,0.0,0.14869689589137025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523403614422509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599750402165515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005141743510388,0.0695229964343637,0.0,0.12565785263034748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568714948064181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340989016766426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124761050632368,0.10461049094914783,0.0,0.0,0.13743897972275865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246879153985002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485103365963424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177161014148238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545795758028788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437930530396187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595828795933565,0.0,0.0,0.13597845061898955,0.0,0.28984710121033325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393512955970449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319180877113048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832794072983337
suicidewatch,cattythewalrus,2018/04/18,". i attempted suicide months ago and for some reason, especially recently, i get into these moods where i crave death. i thought i was improving, i feel great throughout the day. but then i'm left alone to my thoughts for a good ten minutes and the feeling resurfaces.",3.9440816326530586,6.739438102040817,3.885061224489796,84.66351020408162,76.14285714285714,7.185306122448982,32.248979591836736,8.238735603445708,2.71886612244898,213,11,38,4,5,65,40,49,0.149,0.657,0.194,0.3291,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,7,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,7,2,4,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24532487934906205,0.0,0.0,0.2866326941006729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848282120298625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27986931384276725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459204538487422,0.0,0.0,0.23212732679005146,0.0,0.30512121321577584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006929971809787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209016430941956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845482272187121,0.27326024785462394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027229164402929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394220141044615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Professor__L,2018/04/18,"This is more of a letter than a call for help... Back last November, someone broke up with me, claiming they never loved me and that I treated them horribly.  Devastated, I went back to self harming and ended up being committed for two weeks after another attempt.  In February, I tried again and went back to the hospital, this time for a month.  I'm on the verge of not graduating this year, and to put a cherry on the cake, the person I started dating around Christmas time just broke up with me too.  The gut-wrenching part is that he, too, claimed that he never loved me.  He told me I hurt him, that my instability was too much to handle and that he ""should've told me sooner.""  I can't entirely say that I blame him, but the fact that this is the second ""I never loved you"" in less than six months just... hurts.  It makes me feel unlovable and worthless and pathetic.  I cling desperately to others because I have no intrinsic sense of self-worth and draw it from others, but I try to do it as subtly as possibly so as to not draw people away.

My entire life I've been showered with monologues and rants about my *potential.*  I'm smart, I'm resourceful, I'm charismatic... the compliments feel so empty and every time someone tells me I'm squandering potential it makes me want to die a little more.  I have no motivation to take advantage of my ""gifts."" They feel overemphasized and underwhelming.  I feel like a fraud, a sorry excuse for a human being that would do this world a favor if she were to just take herself out of it.",4.985033783783784,5.937967435810813,5.809027027027027,79.77516216216219,68.89864864864866,9.163243243243244,28.313513513513517,9.3871,2.3692559459459464,1195,40,231,24,20,392,157,296,0.208,0.7170000000000001,0.075,-0.9921,1,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,1,3,3,14,16,0,0,17,0,14,4,0,3,5,38,36,19,1,3,8,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,1,3,20,16,0,0,5,0,0,3,8,7,0,3,7,5,34,9,40,26,5,35,0,5,0,3,26,13,0,1,20,166,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200229298928185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357546574860264,0.0,0.0,0.10931391423706792,0.26839608563101314,0.0,0.07092539944914028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188055536186062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075211242181115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305086716147403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802922883481302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23531862905794454,0.08311989998203695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798642396870151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910847472093706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484013633912816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218088897574709,0.05684234773973105,0.1166124760119765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31502911801268163,0.0,0.15532800435780916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857376612527714,0.0,0.08553005780424502,0.0,0.26920705395606154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599485796537027,0.0,0.08066189355976976,0.10159164373088483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116625423715655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696309347989856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252556294335572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427552049425373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716461876492866,0.0,0.0,0.13024341668474707,0.0823525707842125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749602545015384,0.0,0.10169433919751283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035324827385941,0.0,0.0,0.22235331535204114,0.0,0.15798695456502945,0.0,0.11365627348685327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862577947882963,0.0,0.09332831943257627,0.0,0.0,0.2157137695273436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265114166618716,0.0,0.0,0.07492507758220185
suicidewatch,Revolutionary_Bag_2,2018/04/18,"I Wish I Had Never Been Born I wish my parents had one child, not two.

I'm very lonely. Almost every day I cry myself to sleep because of how lonely I feel. 

I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I have food and shelter. Clean drinking water.

But I'm very lonely. It's almost like a physical pain. I feel like an alien on Earth. I go through about my day and enact certain behaviours that will make me appear like a normal member of society. But I'm deeply broken inside. 

I am turning 26 in two months and I think I have led a good life. 26 years is a long time. I never thought I would see my 25th birthday.

I have always been a loner. Alone. I have trouble making friends. I had a few friends since high school but we've drifted apart ever sense. I used to struggle a lot with loneliness and I've put myself out there. Talked to people. Worked on being positive. Joined clubs. Tried new things. Get new jobs.

But everything is external. I know that everything I do - it is an act. I will write two letter when I end it. One of them is for my dad. I want to thank him for supporting me even though I didn't turn out well. I want to tell him that it is for the best and the end is inevitable. I want to thank him and tell him that when it comes to it, my departure is not something to grieve over because I would never amount to anything in life. It is better to end it now before I become a bigger burden.

In a way, it is the best time to end it. In my letter, I hope to convey to my family that my existence should have never happened in the first place. I have a darkness within myself and I'm always very, very lonely. I have no one. There was no other reason that I was brought to this world.

I have cried many days and nights over this decision, but I think it's for the best. I have nothing to offer to the world. I am nothing. I used to cry and long for someone to love and hold me, but I've finally reached peace with the realization that there is reason that I will never find it. I'm very grateful for all the gestures of kindness I've received in this life. They meant a lot to me. The reason that I've always been a loner all my life is because I am not a person who can have it. Why would anyone love and care about me? The reason that is that I should have never been born. 

I'm really glad that I was able to make something of my life that would make me somewhat a productive member of society. I'm very lucky. But I have to end it. Because this is it. I'm sorry for the pain that my family will go through. But I hope they understand that I've arrived at this decision because it is the right thing. If I were to prolong my time on this Earth, there is nothing else for me other than being a greater burden. This is a good thing. 

I'm glad that I've experienced my 25th birthday. It was good. 26 years is a long time. Thank you.",0.8444134897360698,2.9376810084175133,2.588539154990766,93.5682209188661,83.19191919191918,5.3137395459976124,19.681655262300428,6.532088108194933,0.08370205278592335,2205,60,485,22,62,727,222,594,0.098,0.703,0.199,0.9971,2,9,3,0,0,0,67.0,0,1,3,6,14,39,0,1,32,0,61,13,1,12,10,85,109,24,1,15,12,2,2,3,2,10,7,0,1,2,47,16,3,1,15,2,0,10,12,11,1,7,16,4,75,28,61,80,12,68,0,5,1,2,25,22,0,11,38,337,122,3,0.055969651814143484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209104298482137,0.05796767971563785,0.0,0.0,0.13971370183407567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039135281907673146,0.0,0.046058254519640206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059290127187754,0.0618140831165056,0.04762605133419303,0.0,0.17621008957750425,0.04950060870409943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057064790206273565,0.0,0.0,0.04821289914622378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444010315637432,0.10828738549906272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482895090887405,0.0,0.0,0.04675546222186002,0.0,0.24786249417269654,0.0,0.0,0.03696742716088376,0.050627754388931585,0.047156845604704616,0.0,0.10060382821313928,0.0,0.10552641311784933,0.0,0.056599875314205385,0.039984730439289316,0.0,0.06131201778742682,0.05115524778239098,0.04760775724100056,0.0676787251389754,0.0,0.08648402830576596,0.0,0.029241833010701487,0.0,0.0636176858942199,0.14083406543867788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049493778256633404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913501008876206,0.0,0.1111809860833713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554124316658606,0.0,0.0,0.05828377952236,0.03075945690420528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766510147789787,0.0820318342202291,0.0,0.0,0.14859414177986352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427501894360859,0.10102959192673346,0.0,0.14944070878963908,0.056744442155321775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467444209642382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590034753919238,0.1081116769821512,0.0,0.05252372673937928,0.05483837529557788,0.1611131712765828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113779453725713,0.0,0.11911131136822314,0.0,0.062147674777879004,0.0,0.0,0.038802309331544535,0.048870541114000514,0.05847637361263629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056264958994775405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03585559213698335,0.23018449518914286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047797776836296615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664427571301401,0.044600566080623814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629867435508251,0.0,0.056010072427319,0.0,0.04742290435373862,0.0861763447926248,0.0,0.06265344290304845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058511632390406326,0.0,0.0,0.06351369760830834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04498628603547879,0.09783988529565016,0.20611734252235928,0.0,0.0,0.14873499872205526,0.07172618585402946,0.054989898733952144,0.044433651669654586,0.13054541627537627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037999719637368035,0.1217578181673603,0.16402265134178784,0.05826638141430982,0.0,0.09667961764906333,0.0,0.2770849461767554,0.09903705229097187,0.04442610443721578,0.0,0.0,0.05032343866587871,0.0,0.050503905239818,0.0,0.12872467479944108,0.0,0.0,0.04074657311603232,0.0,0.0,0.1590369392040272,0.0,0.0,0.07208524146238424
suicidewatch,someshitexcuse,2018/04/18,"XXXTentacions new album means so much more when you’re feeling depressed. I recommend:

Alone, Part 3
NUMB
the remedy for a broken heart",4.1575000000000015,7.450103083333339,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,80.66666666666666,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.9205166666666675,110,4,17,2,3,33,24,24,0.387,0.47,0.14300000000000002,-0.8058,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831503004519383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186321300832058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870547461841031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383852904618009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029773486112409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719513251922812,0.0,0.0,0.35729411390343696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006131817368546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burgles_turtles,2018/04/18,"Everything is wrong I am certain at this point that there are no right moves for me. I know it will be horrible for people who love me and whom I love and that's what has stopped me. But really, all I'm doing in the meantime is hurting them. They can't save me and I know it kills them and it's killing me. I love them all so much and I'm so grateful for the effort and love. I know that doesn't make sense to people when I'm about to off myself but it is true.

I feel crazy, like if anybody looked into my head they would just be confused because nothing up here makes sense. I want to explain myself as best I can. I'm confused. But what I am very certain of is that it needs to end. I can't do another fresh start, I just don't have the energy. I'm so burnt out and at the same time I've done nothing. 

Every time I try to make it better it's just worse, I'm like a bad investment that you keep putting money into because you've already lost so much you can't turn back now. I don't know if I'm making sense, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I'm so sorry.",0.2767308750687931,1.9941683333333344,2.319834892680245,96.78368189323065,82.96624472573839,5.303173729590903,19.165107319757844,6.280692351149826,-0.2184421574023112,833,21,202,7,23,279,119,237,0.172,0.677,0.151,-0.3086,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,5,4,14,20,2,2,5,0,23,6,2,4,5,44,54,20,2,6,9,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,2,6,0,2,2,7,8,0,0,2,2,31,12,21,48,6,21,0,2,1,4,14,11,0,4,10,131,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079808609264582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428645870845195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114036082698768,0.09896554373675767,0.14450657465578054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243873390724684,0.10482797575212956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129482375300492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498021826081502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986456322480547,0.0,0.10652490889091824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993108481229355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061925746814902836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216434496817489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268861813935299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535272221729217,0.2622663200366368,0.0,0.26055854155471586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581313649352808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995332804044,0.0,0.1293868097370313,0.0,0.4279029244287285,0.0,0.3164722092818221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597601555066773,0.17426275748034828,0.17577333585994334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274607397643527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434414235382616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120468353549012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915291370367373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186355244971605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122187024310368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268187534195466,0.08389440179789151,0.0,0.0,0.09909432948568027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822872172815812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047241827965332,0.12892392583268591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779763245851274,0.06991061314134646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078968780757353,0.08419856261884713,0.12959125656912351,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwwycct0000,2018/04/18,"I crossed the line I'm going to do my best to be as succinct as possible.
I've reached a point I didn't know existed; a state where taking my life isn't just a vague idea. It's a need. Functioning day to day has only become a burden. When I do sleep, I replay memories of my life as a patient spent in the pediatric hospital from a congenital condition or memories of other children that didn't make it out alive. 3 years ago during a hospital stay I witnessed something that absolutely broke me. I replay it in my head all the time. 
I have constant image issues from my mom who violently acted out on me and my sister growing up because of the strain my health put on the family. 
 I can't go to movies because as they trigger emotions I can't control.
 My best friend hasn't spoken to me in 4 months and I'm afraid to tell her I miss her.
I took time to sever myself from negative environments and people and spent the last 8 weeks trying to rebuild. I stopped drinking, I work out more, I'm engaging in charity work. But the pain doesn't go away. If anything it's amplified by trying to improve myself, which makes no sense. My last effort to alleviate this stress has failed. 
I've always had high anxiety, I'd put it at a constant 9, but for months it's been at 11. When I'm not in panic mode I'm on the verge of tears. I can't stop feeling guilty for surviving where other kids didn't, I can't stop panicking over small situations, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't feel anything except terror or sadness and I want it to stop. Medication is limited because of my condition and my previous alcohol abuse has hurt my liver. CBD therapy failed too. The outlets I've engaged in have all hit obstacles, I have no true release. I have a surplus of Beta Blockers from prescriptions, I'm ready.",3.6719770044770037,4.926261958791216,5.455140415140416,79.96393365893367,72.26923076923076,8.799185999186,29.690272690272693,9.250403328903447,2.6229223850223846,1419,59,279,31,27,487,191,364,0.16399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.127,-0.9382,0,0,3,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,1,10,6,20,1,5,19,0,26,13,4,4,3,36,48,17,0,3,8,2,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,14,9,3,7,4,1,2,9,17,14,0,0,8,2,41,6,46,38,5,53,0,6,0,0,10,23,0,3,19,172,55,4,0.0,0.12244912778181265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161075436488476,0.11044636182600298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599286511978121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906006379104405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700913174541902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709777542240483,0.0,0.0,0.18899785692026,0.1141384855349419,0.0,0.0,0.2169123037592748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336247853828456,0.11591228943950214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330034797093182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124057665651157,0.0,0.10574963669841196,0.0,0.11625130557525892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974262204496712,0.0,0.10451055364930162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984552642458738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620320374690646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606369227144992,0.10985287774532533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919163001905853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063494937074232,0.11666602369280915,0.0,0.10786726979624266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679673061406034,0.16848296620896708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459938848127868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379696609457849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411108718104133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103859148519493,0.1649809527512903,0.0,0.0,0.07663038598852077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859994278890246,0.10996834381597187,0.12125527098916646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164769902052061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769618582968484,0.11650805467725872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778427453967915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675253346032605,0.0,0.0,0.11616619888735105,0.20684298849850816,0.0,0.0,0.07956146065475453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101540003003946,0.0,0.3456104047003791,0.11838347710639775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770397582962278,0.0,0.09032970942487416,0.0,0.11818613933023307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052476843437428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482216228880232,0.14033146595370116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095665469971196,0.0,0.08289861600932293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504754875175319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655198843950964
suicidewatch,JohnSeeed,2018/04/18,"34, pregnant, no job, in debts, father alcoholic I am 34 years old and I got the news I am pregnant. Added to that the father is an alcoholic who hasn't talked to me in 2 days and makes me responsible for his drinking and who gets mad at me everytime he is drunk.   I am in debts because I couldn't find a job yet, I don't have a college degree and my insurance wants around 1500 because I live in a country where you HAVE to be insuranced , even if you don't earn money.     My family is mad at me and wants borrowed money back (which i understand) . I just can't do it anymore. I am lost.    What should I do? Everyone in my life lets me down right now.   ",1.9987299465240649,3.3367380441176486,3.895053475935829,89.1579679144385,76.64705882352942,7.592513368983957,24.863636363636363,8.296473431620573,1.3769794117647052,498,17,113,9,11,169,81,136,0.106,0.8759999999999999,0.018000000000000002,-0.875,5,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,2,7,3,2,0,6,0,19,5,0,1,0,16,26,6,0,5,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,2,2,5,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,22,0,13,20,0,17,0,1,0,0,9,11,0,1,6,79,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41095612146295496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906800862121688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116098345055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784369264430758,0.0,0.2344119050510131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399818583000878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188351313839464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699246218643598,0.0,0.0,0.18372213851067865,0.0,0.0,0.1812549595244584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757312144383419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045309230508016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537758111838132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815964357986825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966090096168266,0.13580592349997814,0.0,0.0,0.1697778530408048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098853192747602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834165789716764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017549272206013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419745255904333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453927056935482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001597570286604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681154886943916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381551819622345
suicidewatch,NHMatt,2018/04/18,"42 years old with wife and 3 kids. I'm going through severe depression right now and told my wife I am not safe to be around with my mental state and I will live in my truck until it runs out of gas. My depression and past brain trauma are keeping me from working. I only have a 1993 pick up truck to live in and am afraid I will end it very soon. My wife ironically works in mental health and knows when someone is serious or seeking attention. I'm at a loss with no where to turn. I'm afraid I will provoke someone to shoot me or beat me until I'm dead, or worse, my rage takes over and I beat them until their dead.",4.123377862595419,4.07148449618321,4.93823473282443,88.82353530534355,70.45038167938931,8.076717557251909,25.53530534351145,7.6454224807358475,1.01877786259542,483,12,111,5,8,157,80,131,0.285,0.715,0.0,-0.9902,0,0,0,1,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,5,5,9,1,2,2,0,9,2,1,2,0,22,19,14,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,12,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,1,0,17,1,21,14,0,23,0,3,0,0,7,10,0,3,10,67,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280069688913887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415296203361802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150260830839401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197612888015794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393410390561092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439136463681025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255087286395128,0.0,0.0,0.10050527758200956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32297024981011824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685971635130915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190029228723646,0.0,0.0,0.13908739081494065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457828507608303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617729674798544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660072607996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099048322381772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750192265553887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474830759045434,0.0,0.0,0.19891936568973315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089397013748787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662755492918079,0.0,0.1863688832414672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776780105881225
suicidewatch,brand0ndm,2018/04/18,Has anyone actually took their own life that has posted on this sub? Like any posts I could read or anything ,3.332857142857143,5.7407425238095255,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,76.14285714285714,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.3901238095238093,87,2,17,1,2,27,20,21,0.0,0.884,0.116,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.3107792610478601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165694622008256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226805403243037,0.0,0.2620723935763157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542711379720315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249436797424806,0.1555875949401111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6100094717694962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185546253962296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538301584939989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EscaPen78,2018/04/18,"August 15 2018 I have been thinking about killing myself for many years now and I've reached a point in my 24 years of life that I just can't go on anymore. 

I am currently on my second deployment, but I'm not going to kill myself here. Although, if someone tried to kill me. I wouldn't do anything to stop them or do anything to save myself medically. Its funny, I don't believe in god, but every day I pray that I get killed. I'll be going home soonish though. Good. I hate it here. In the time I've wasted here I've realized that my life is going no where. I have education, no friends, I do have a family that loves me, but their love isn't enough to help me along anymore. Im just not interested in anything anymore, and when I try to imagine what my future will look like. I can't see anything, yeah know? I picked a random date on my phone calendar. It's August 15 2018. It's a Wednesday. That's when I'm going to do it. I'll have plenty of time to set my affairs in order, and I'll get to say good bye to my family because I'll be home by then. Whenever I think about killing myself my fingers get really tingley and my heart races. I'm excited to do it. I hope in my last moments I only feel relief. ",1.3841938758247352,3.05737693385214,3.598176281509051,89.16740822195908,79.27237354085605,6.337269497546947,23.62527491118255,7.255503002510835,0.8906323464726786,940,32,206,12,23,323,131,257,0.147,0.65,0.203,0.9609,1,0,0,0,0,4,30.0,0,0,2,0,12,17,6,0,5,1,20,7,2,1,0,26,41,14,5,3,9,0,2,1,1,2,3,1,2,0,12,5,0,1,6,0,0,5,9,6,0,1,1,5,35,11,27,36,1,36,1,0,2,2,10,11,0,4,20,126,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29440835574103624,0.0,0.0,0.325723971826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060321649123690216,0.0,0.0,0.11148765870419083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381736504367527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224628863800987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337330197033108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865706960230311,0.0,0.05003428914235465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645188005140796,0.0,0.15509868031910834,0.0,0.2811901680815197,0.16599641635567516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769692728042584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172613730802248,0.06632701034591608,0.0,0.19851854884835413,0.0982839904495575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688767125334914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473915969531494,0.0,0.05438271911600979,0.08066099692810648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978875798994309,0.048344093686516466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309672595846716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862031625810293,0.0,0.0,0.10032417245655716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968609019948337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525923701962435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354383914777636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339268609314068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869246540998748,0.0,0.0,0.07885379982915093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838436938326495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273026175620364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681189497949552,0.09722213972696947,0.0,0.11540214652190045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436700693135978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744670528700508
suicidewatch,depressedardvark,2018/04/18,"Really struggling lately. I've been having a hard time lately with suicidal thoughts. I don't know that I could ever go through with it because 1) I worry about the wrong person finding me (family), 2) I don't want to inconvenience all the people that would have to be involved (medics, police, etc), 3) I don't want my daughter to be know as ""that girl who's dad killed himself"", 4) I'd probably just screw it up anyway. I really don't have anyone to vent this stuff to. My wife has her own anxiety issues and worries enough as it is. I don't want to put this on her plate as well. The only other person that I have talked to about my mental health issues has her own problems to deal with (whole other story). I just don't know what to do. I don't think my meds are working any more but I always chicken out about asking for new ones when I'm talking to my psychiatrist. Maybe I just needed to get all this off my chest. ",2.3692658730158733,4.031664455026455,3.938568121693123,87.86436011904762,76.4074074074074,6.4181216931216944,21.33630952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.576399206349206,718,18,149,8,16,239,113,189,0.128,0.855,0.018000000000000002,-0.9057,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,2,1,4,0,21,4,1,0,3,25,34,6,2,7,4,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,15,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,5,1,1,2,1,23,1,26,28,8,12,0,0,0,1,16,4,1,0,6,107,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732533426219404,0.0,0.0,0.08771379932074763,0.0,0.09867269524448398,0.0,0.0,0.09018887532965933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058298074375473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862767893805635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298352936045606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329772288473665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327534098334126,0.14385167566795085,0.0,0.11667375335575925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159499117860967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788938369188826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738901327029377,0.0,0.0733047938099849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155446665440436,0.0,0.0,0.13710436101016582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692523564764664,0.0,0.0,0.1427021023591975,0.0,0.21265932085166436,0.0,0.29099999050160313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958214322440526,0.0,0.14327256523403664,0.12993818983169744,0.12998591441559434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564028107916901,0.0,0.12457391491425394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740315189546903,0.09809843085304737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894215262601546,0.22524836541215265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906697393643486,0.12342062892485707,0.0,0.1296649244581845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652613892876784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484247619431472,0.14765625225145654,0.1410879732624005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073455125413416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264798052461067,0.0,0.10239918752419318,0.07521182740611577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282349820082971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159724451890768,0.0,0.0,0.14400645045537075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390216254331267,0.2619797914836408,0.0,0.09162680057167516,0.14102416777877352,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dargonfool,2018/04/18,"Can't do this anymore I don't know much of what to say, except that I can't take stuff anymore. I'm tired of my own family ridiculing and hurting me for being honest. I should have never
mentioned any gender related feelings. Not that that matters. All I can ever be is what I'm born as, but somehow, that eats at me on the inside. I should be happy with stuff, should be content. I am, right? But, if I was happy, I wouldn't cut, I wouldn't make suicide attempts, right? I don't know anymore... Truth be told, I'm too dissociated to feel anything anymore.

I thought making an attempt would be hard, but truth be told, it's easier than I thought. No amount of pain or blood I get ever seems to be enough.",1.9345032051282016,3.781724854166672,3.5619444444444466,89.25442307692309,78.2361111111111,5.819658119658119,24.27136752136752,6.67199483983844,0.7715059829059827,545,19,114,5,13,181,87,144,0.12,0.705,0.175,0.9237,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,2,0,2,0,24,4,1,2,6,32,40,7,1,7,7,0,3,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,10,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,4,16,5,13,21,5,8,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,4,4,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912257945397443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321583115274837,0.0,0.0,0.11039304474405644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726772830552753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861158640844312,0.0,0.0,0.24269056714536064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264635640939344,0.0,0.135659343438747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700872191883014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856078166754067,0.1201709889656658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360908127400596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474493611511414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909075174530745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861481458099827,0.0,0.10346383634524717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274379763771186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912471052092034,0.0,0.1066805222386819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212404314098912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071365973133455,0.14673703066719446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086321405395536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129983495062034,0.0,0.15418432906029747,0.0,0.2563698836156227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529546944740094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bilzeebob,2018/04/18,"I'm scared of what's to come I'm a closeted atheist raised in a Muslim family living in a country where the leaking of that knowledge could lead to a situation that I don't want to think about.

The only person I've ever properly bonded with seems have disappeared without another word.

Sometimes when I get really low, I carve the things I hate about myself into my skin cause I'm a fucking idiot.

I have agoraphobia as well as a fear of women I don't know because of a history of bullying

I'm an absolute ditch in my father's income since I never do shit but use up thr electricity, water and eat his food.

My nephew adores me even though I'm a horrible example for him.

And to top it all off, I'm diagnosed with unipolar depression, anxiety, social anxiety and ADD.

The only reason I think I'm going on is cause I'm scared to fail and to be even more of a burden to them",5.7558333333333325,5.258216250000004,7.622222222222224,72.47500000000002,67.05555555555556,11.2,31.88888888888889,10.793553405168565,3.4366555555555562,695,25,134,18,10,247,113,180,0.231,0.7190000000000001,0.05,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,9,13,4,3,14,0,8,7,2,5,3,27,27,9,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,9,3,0,6,0,0,4,4,11,1,0,0,1,16,2,28,25,2,17,0,3,0,1,8,10,2,1,3,86,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029052295197585,0.23388004794522785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931840631001848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140654824823951,0.0,0.13167821763944598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122048925108989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316609564256232,0.1551530554727116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641734217786418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019295667948848,0.13827362757844655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410593678570147,0.17201373732469796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184842937392788,0.0,0.0,0.14131967924864264,0.07986477725974032,0.0,0.08687574940775081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092088443613225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400968480279289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349811151214812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789761870778613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325188914158592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347435775330016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792815923982244,0.15716895577475334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060857078311697,0.0,0.0,0.13916102845099046,0.0,0.0,0.15691200473416,0.12645012073753076,0.17182478018988293,0.0,0.15582490764331472,0.0,0.0,0.15118573551783154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155559963800423,0.19589729052985175,0.15018743908138504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202483110880184,0.0,0.0,0.09016274867567407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744248585660712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735478878811256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,little_eileen,2018/04/18,Jumper Any jumper survivors out there? I jumped off the balcony of my apartment  (5th floor) building and survived. This was 3 years ago but I’ve never met anyone else who has done this.,2.7270000000000003,5.513166771428577,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,81.28571428571428,3.5,23.035714285714285,3.1291,-0.17514285714285682,147,5,28,0,4,42,32,35,0.0,0.935,0.065,0.2846,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765577148337538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28887714455806635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970285744990273,0.43525565730709853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347157468339825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548641434745684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32763033481080445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735559253732129
suicidewatch,Silentsteps_123,2018/04/18,Most painless and quickest way to end it? Fuck fuck fuck the assholes at my school I want to fucking die I've fucked up every opportunity in my life and I've fucked up with my younger brother for always degrading him and putting him down because I was always put down what do I fucking do ,3.2100000000000013,5.167972413793105,3.9891724137931033,87.12306896551725,74.86206896551724,6.019310344827588,30.565517241379307,6.742157984588678,1.5981406896551715,232,11,46,2,5,74,39,58,0.394,0.524,0.08199999999999999,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,0,6,11,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,1,10,10,1,10,0,0,0,7,3,6,7,1,1,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261814699430456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285147268664968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105652448732464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037882299255663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451279849505723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8795474471784704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959995675910322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732607675123452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755149326560784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016517267791315,0.1078816337289472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DangerDaimo,2018/04/18,"Im 14 and i have thought about killing myself far too many times to count Im just scared. I dont have any supportive friends who can talk about this with me. Im always fighting with my parents. I feel like i have nothing and noone left in my life.

I get bullied for my appearance,my intrests and false stories about me are common. All i ever  wanted was to feel confident in my own skin and not feel so fucking insecure about everything about me.

People lash out at me for no reason because they know there is not a single person to back me up and they can get away with it and that makes me feel like shit. I feel i should just throw myself of a fucking bridge because i just dont have anything going for me at all in life.",3.3175818181818144,4.412094939999999,4.045515151515152,90.34609090909092,72.93333333333334,6.787878787878787,26.303030303030305,6.980632752743323,1.0114666666666663,571,19,123,5,11,182,87,150,0.159,0.769,0.07200000000000001,-0.9282,1,0,0,0,3,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,13,11,5,2,2,0,12,6,2,2,3,29,27,7,1,2,5,1,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,6,24,4,23,24,4,17,0,0,0,2,8,10,3,0,7,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411313368643496,0.0,0.0,0.09326126563539093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285618417595315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884942735654384,0.10545373593610674,0.0,0.1672009856720867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214588150140597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405279429978752,0.0,0.0,0.12325439038062674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467155898228906,0.1959485503628038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595557222638442,0.25357114595692404,0.14330207370281273,0.0,0.07794096140860554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444106945694018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172730833587186,0.0,0.07536965891864204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900518880292402,0.0,0.19373490663251802,0.1340013118546313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154335270867013,0.13904046693979538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159145174153647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522799659689392,0.0,0.0,0.09507699790285724,0.11974710822765278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100482125542368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373030707903539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077429649707265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562712112597524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022954810515394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887543240055594,0.07996860549837999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088990728634281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway448869,2018/04/18,"Want to tell my wife about my suicidal thoughts, but I only have them after we have a disagreement. Want to tell my wife about my suicidal thoughts, but I only have them after we have a disagreement. I'm afraid that she'll interpret it as an attempt to make her feel guilty or manipulate her and that she'll dismiss my problem. Usually the disagreements we have involve her talking down to me or otherwise making me feel inferior, incompetent, or just don't have any control over my life. I don't think it's fair to blame her directly for suicidal ideation, but the way I feel after being talked to like that can't be ignored.

I've been on a higher dose of my anti-depressants for the past 3 weeks and it doesn't seem to be helping, in addition I've been extremely anxious the past couple of days and have been so agitated that I just want to be left alone. On a slightly positive note: I've been more interested in my hobbies, so that's nice.

Just feeling very frustrated, and lonely, yet need my space. It's very confusing and I don't know what to do, or if I should tell her about it.
",6.3865514592933925,6.001148788018438,7.068951612903228,76.59009408602155,65.72811059907835,11.104301075268816,34.673195084485414,10.686352973137794,3.565860522273426,865,36,173,21,12,287,111,217,0.265,0.63,0.105,-0.9933,0,3,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,2,2,9,10,1,2,9,0,24,2,0,4,0,42,40,16,3,7,11,2,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,9,0,2,10,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,4,30,3,26,27,1,18,0,2,0,0,21,8,0,7,10,118,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997588831119462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919074535396571,0.0,0.0,0.15268239173667067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515835679001376,0.0,0.14954223707663455,0.0,0.08716134607241048,0.0,0.1164055343302008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733460391816057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058900345936001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427556744132598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468421790522612,0.0,0.09546129257965498,0.06602805172986542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042895683679774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021290558467794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557716221983546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580342345978597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932145006359844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303658058210205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435004451306875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725883735653134,0.35438432908751083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659943462756158,0.0,0.21458991955105752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884995765317355,0.22302779565563013,0.2391470460462691,0.10727673529992277,0.10841014399284396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sssaaaaasss,2018/04/18,i shouldn't even feel like this my life is good i'm doing well and i have good things coming my way. i want to die SO badly but i have no idea where this feeling comes from and i dread even the good things that are coming. i will not talk to my loved ones because they will not understand that technically nothing is wrong. i just want out.,0.7860915492957758,3.0597851267605627,1.6656161971831018,98.92828345070423,85.05633802816901,4.676760563380283,15.917253521126757,5.985473137389443,-0.7881422535211259,268,5,62,2,8,83,48,71,0.159,0.5720000000000001,0.268,0.7992,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,6,9,0,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,17,19,4,1,3,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,1,1,0,2,11,6,4,16,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203493036736687,0.11099846565718513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705551453386584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897742286663188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405333201768043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841371847663296,0.13008289604629966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581774815777127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055539121222456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861334096810614,0.08895844693813411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434050898704675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471726231994986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233867753064666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635452848050504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419408504777143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895588529231166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479910683169973,0.1445320816661008,0.0,0.0,0.1637179635512427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908340746465705,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleAllen1969,2018/04/18,"Hello Well I'm Allen I'm 49 years old just had my birthday, I'm a old oil field worker, can't really do that anymore. So I returned to school having a hard time with that. I work as a LineCook well in school. 

So I decided to take a job in Yellowstone for the summer starting at the end of May. Well my job now decided to cut me off early so I'm screwed I'm not even going to be able to put plates on my car. 

I have been single sense my ex wife separated 3 years ago.. I tried a couple of times but really I have a hard time putting up with other people's junk.. what are you going to find at 49 anyways. 

So hard time in school keeping up, broke and no end in sight, lonely as can be. And just so dpressed not saying I am going to kill myself but sure has entered my mind. Life is something else sometimes. ",0.9649205202312142,2.6710488554913323,2.9505744219653174,93.16667088150291,80.67630057803468,5.71228323699422,20.63908959537572,6.6274283507984215,0.17550895953757228,624,17,143,6,16,210,106,173,0.14300000000000002,0.812,0.044,-0.9508,2,3,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,2,13,9,3,0,8,0,15,2,0,0,1,17,26,11,1,0,6,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,7,4,5,3,0,2,6,15,4,24,21,1,33,0,2,1,1,5,10,1,1,16,87,19,7,0.12308002833445993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091030188945371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206231551759128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361857103325266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028175703891569,0.0,0.21802474603293007,0.0,0.0,0.08129319791951765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249291611497854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098476494485188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307665900190798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244275873124052,0.1093991843693688,0.13616981552876556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693506392150091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427574244573605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583035708954707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532819442628982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745884681613176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769643559060198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787817860217253,0.0,0.3736906788107423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475301895800048,0.12172929517095628,0.0,0.08711667754455996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600147011292415,0.0,0.09254086380899383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870758172207697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356326005385145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319911803695715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960372650354942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851900582030468
suicidewatch,anona6053,2018/04/18,taking an overdose tonight. im taking 52 acetaminophen- diphenhydramine. will it work? fuck i hope. ,4.014375000000001,4.719916687500003,1.8830000000000033,87.26200000000004,132.125,3.78,28.2,5.6839178017228535,1.86379,81,4,11,1,5,22,14,16,0.19,0.652,0.158,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838972843010959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124426939121281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485475088676941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.624441346121804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30231115905127576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LukeyDukey6429,2018/04/18,"I want to die Idk, that’s just how I have felt since I was a kid.",0.3688235294117632,-0.9392999999999994,2.84,104.98000000000002,78.41176470588233,6.8000000000000025,17.0,3.1291,-1.3026000000000004,48,0,17,0,1,17,15,17,0.34,0.5770000000000001,0.083,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5961077793092187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514874941872809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751267127998882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33877967174262125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TeddieMao,2018/04/18,"It's my life About to be unemployed for second time in a year.   50 years old, wife and 2 kids.  Love them but does not keep me from contemplating something that would bring me peace.  People are nice but I know what kind of failure I am.  It's my life, right?  I should be able to extinguish it.",0.5182142857142864,2.7967879166666734,1.7161904761904765,98.02500000000003,86.5,5.428571428571429,16.9047619047619,6.868970318607317,-0.2820238095238089,225,5,53,3,7,71,49,60,0.075,0.755,0.17,0.7319,2,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,7,6,0,7,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,32,13,1,0.28677447591621336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095827641336865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548983306855737,0.0,0.29863148662141986,0.15760375216309197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051145865368773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588251609374539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30092157181481416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988133133263582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24490383552333075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207730020935639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722050308598949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371635972920488,0.0,0.0,0.3693467204390414
suicidewatch,__Goblin,2018/04/18,"Feeling really low and have a plan Hey everyone, just posting here to try to get this off my chest, the last 2 days have been hell. Wife and me got in an argument and she got in my face like she normally does and shoves me around but this time a switch flipped and I shoved her back. She called the cops, I got arrested. 
    
One of the cops is her friend so as soon as I heard his name I knew I was fucked. I can't go with in 100 meters of her. We have 2 kids one is 4 and the other will be one in a few days. I never thought I'd miss my own sons birthday. And I know she is going to make it as hard as she can to see the kids.

I feel so horrible and shitty for our oldest to have to go through this. He loves me so much that the last time we got into a fight and I spent the night away he was having panic attacks that I wasn't there him, now I don't even know when I'll see him next.

I've noticed a really tall bridge by where I'm staying over a river and every time I walk past it I picture myself jumping off. I haven't went on the bridge yet because I know as soon as I do I'll jump. 

I'm so sorry to my kids. I love you guys so much. Daddy will love you so much no matter what happens to me, make me proud boys, be better man then me.
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suicidewatch,kryinginside,2018/04/18,How can I make my suicide easier on my friends and family? I actually can’t take this anymore.,1.912105263157894,4.294683631578948,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,81.10526315789474,10.115789473684213,30.552631578947373,10.125756701596842,4.089715789473684,75,4,14,3,2,28,17,19,0.192,0.556,0.252,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.4113179742544744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41800943095191306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973476412409742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256457188015727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28135094991160353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610467325988541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169115189775432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProfDaLi,2018/04/18,"It's my birthday today. It's my birthday today, and for every part of me, there is one substitute, there is always someone better than me, always someone who'll be ready to replace me. It's funny how I should be celebrating today, yet I've never felt more lonelier, more broken and more replaceable. All my notes are ready, everything is prepared. I'm just annoyed, I promised myself this year would be better but uhg life sucks.",6.556666666666665,7.198858246913584,6.898370370370369,74.45866666666669,65.2962962962963,8.949135802469135,32.24938271604938,8.841846274778883,2.8085782716049366,342,13,57,5,5,111,55,81,0.087,0.718,0.195,0.6307,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,2,10,13,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,9,3,4,6,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474501135354172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369305055020384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759095687563831,0.0,0.18764164363921124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046543181852505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474703505431023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102713218110998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147747714088146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609278266952001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35380409978945265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5937086070064307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831420037202664,0.0,0.0,0.1344500843593606
suicidewatch,ems655,2018/04/18,"What's worth living for? I've been in a really bad place for years, with things getting worse. Things aren't objectively terrible so I feel guilty for having a shit brain in a good situation. I called my mom about it, and she said we all just try to live day to day and get some happiness from the little things. I know she was trying to be supportive, but I've just been thinking, what's the point? Why would I want to continue to struggle for 50+ years just for some occasional good things?

I can't keep living like this, but I'm also not about to hurt my friends and family. Just wanted to vent, and maybe hear what some of you are living for?",4.065378787878785,4.8549432651515145,4.790606060606064,86.83924242424244,70.89393939393939,8.593939393939394,23.0,8.841846274778883,1.2028727272727275,509,11,112,9,9,164,83,132,0.104,0.7290000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.8294,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,0,8,11,1,1,5,0,9,2,2,0,1,24,21,8,0,3,7,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,4,3,11,6,20,15,4,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,1,3,6,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842458213980516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320499948575165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135394086896442,0.13844400522471134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487787252497022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278142962095086,0.0,0.0685541469200895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475003257165556,0.0,0.14167161360691038,0.0,0.0,0.22743888061801615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144329168412439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281035305617846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451429412403503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051118413651865,0.0,0.0,0.07451211919061643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623833691080704,0.13588841385391465,0.478884260167097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620997277115368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587915687734412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416539483785254,0.0,0.12816846611251945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685706523627773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896917992961673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917259690517972,0.0,0.15239943503495193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173935971266885,0.0,0.0,0.15385642929800986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602976472279265,0.08687523525022119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410205665513385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993911872532282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234133452162595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381692660883313,0.09631330135790853,0.0,0.0,0.1746202516012307
suicidewatch,iamdepress,2018/04/18,"I was taken into a mental hospital on May 31, 2017 It’s almost been a year. If things aren’t better by the anniversary, then I will kill myself. ",1.311,3.3879067666666667,4.043333333333333,83.885,81.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,16.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,0.553666666666667,113,2,22,2,3,40,28,30,0.159,0.743,0.098,-0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532656187918683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003339327991807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007924010156346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561667775191168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007218928317458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914930640946334
suicidewatch,Kaadru,2018/04/18,"Somebody Anybody😶 No love for me I guess sigh anyway my mom took me out of school and she’s telling me how to plan my future it makes me sad that she doesn’t let me talk or have my own desire it’s like my opinion doesn’t mean anything so for the latest month or so of my homeschooling I haven’t been doing much because she stressed me out about getting as and bs and I know I can’t keep them because I’m bad at reading so she constantly stresses me out about making her happy but inside I’m sad because she’s taken everything I’ve cared about away from me and I know she knows I’m sad but she doesn’t care it’s only about her so after I went with my little brother to his dads house we chilled and when I came back I was tjired and it’s been 3 days and I’m still tired we have been low on food and it’s hard for me because I workout and it feels like muscles are drains everything I eat I’m becoming so depressed I no longer have a life and she’s mad at me because my room wasn’t clean (only thing dirty was clothes on my floor no roaches or food comes in my room)and she said to me “ur fucking stupid, I don’t love you anymore you don’t love me,Ur dad ain’t shit u gon be just like him and st one point I was close with my little brothers dad I looked up to him and she said He doesn’t give a fuck about me and that she can’t wait for me to get out of the house and that she can make me sleep outside it’s legal so now I just don’t have anything left ",0.12442461424056715,1.9459702638036842,1.7639542665923038,100.01109778769288,84.0920245398773,4.5650120840304895,19.69473879903328,5.352783471589016,-0.5020703476482615,1150,32,284,5,33,373,158,326,0.175,0.708,0.117,-0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,2,1,1,19,23,5,2,4,0,27,12,2,4,0,46,61,28,0,1,7,6,2,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,11,25,3,2,5,2,0,4,15,13,1,1,13,5,61,9,33,46,2,33,0,5,1,5,38,19,3,5,13,175,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897272194800724,0.0,0.0,0.16425037265450124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937634327004866,0.07673844172469166,0.08332709616118612,0.3041794342659049,0.11021896393026476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141422360970988,0.20350126496510107,0.0,0.0,0.08596707293959999,0.0,0.10784609963065013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436140350049616,0.0,0.08595580383181338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211818860460234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938387425679886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046082786632903,0.07129565529174069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241352086413046,0.0,0.0,0.18452314120827812,0.10428059029159092,0.0957352602988946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993866220649387,0.0,0.0,0.10623674351662386,0.08939933564489018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303068053191985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870497835482961,0.0,0.0,0.16453898368026745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843073406671767,0.10205013658126526,0.07049022355957954,0.14626867084660586,0.20004747104515253,0.0,0.0,0.08380511958340565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702145624519173,0.0,0.19984766328355064,0.0,0.0,0.10870919362980393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688211987877367,0.07965774907232494,0.0,0.07336295543680793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762565461856156,0.15180163322771262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434129366286373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998249285591184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986135429782144,0.0,0.0,0.10100082484280327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244113261781804,0.0,0.0,0.09986999468976636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796987492829975,0.0,0.2286363645351661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021378928416127,0.08722778244576937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630130478687314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470303026949345,0.0,0.0,0.11087916318839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251367336358164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hi-im-aleah,2018/04/18,Drowning myself tonight I’m about to take a bath. I’ve practiced for a while and I’m ready to drown myself in my own bathtub. ,0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,85.2962962962963,3.6,23.814814814814817,3.1291,-0.11316296296296267,100,4,22,0,3,32,21,27,0.141,0.763,0.095,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zuuzeer,2018/04/18,"Indescribable pain and unsuccessful attrnote I'm in a pain I can't find the words. I got the bedsheets went into the closet turned off the lights, tied the bedsheets around my neck held it up with the door and released tension but didn't let go. I've done this three different times now.",3.682857142857145,5.916857285714286,3.7387142857142885,88.20628571428574,74.35714285714286,6.622857142857143,25.485714285714288,7.554174236665415,1.2010328571428577,232,8,46,3,5,71,44,56,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,1,3,0,6,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24993309655317564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933311242026782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873117068229611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566066500682038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956057266940268,0.0,0.22454687913878885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870928735811061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5974901094302142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371156139583146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053828022928158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602643878907897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madoodles,2018/04/18,"I don't have anything to live for anymore. Today I found out that the school choir I auditioned for a while ago didn't accept me, but instead accepted all of my friends, who are freshmen, just like me.
This information essentially shattered my entire life. For the past two years, I've been struggling with what I think is depression. It seemed to go away and come back a little, but what kept me alive was a combination of two things: musical theatre and choir. I've loved that stuff ever since I was little and after this year's spring musical at my high school, I decided that this was something I wanted to do at least through college, maybe even forever.
I almost killed myself the night before the first show because I didn't know if I could handle it, but as soon as I got on the stage, I knew that I belonged there. I only didn't kill myself because I didn't want to ruin the show. The performances came and went, but after I felt good. I realized that it's okay to have ups and downs but if I keep doing what I did before I'd be okay.
After finding out that I didn't make the cut for choir, however, I completely lost it. I had to go home early from school and all I could do is angrily sing show tunes at the top of my lungs.
With this being said, I can now explain the title. I don't have anything to live for anymore. The one thing that saved me before was the promise of singing and performing and now I don't think I can do it anymore. I don't deserve to. I just feel like if I killed myself today, my voice wouldn't even be missed.

TL;DR I think I have depression and since I didn't get into my school's advanced choir, I don't think I can love performing anymore.",4.211273836765827,4.937955011695909,5.010884820747523,85.62133867276891,70.52046783625731,8.053089244851261,27.150266971777267,8.18289091462,1.5834720061022116,1322,42,276,18,23,429,160,342,0.123,0.721,0.156,0.8215,1,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,7,11,22,4,1,15,2,38,4,1,1,3,56,66,20,3,8,10,0,2,2,1,1,1,6,1,0,23,16,0,2,17,9,1,6,12,10,0,4,22,8,48,12,36,38,3,40,0,5,0,2,7,14,0,5,21,196,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961733532274128,0.0,0.08993873346657559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562972465217795,0.0,0.0,0.1478234466152148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438601121115827,0.06906371510940895,0.0,0.10950319718844176,0.0,0.2292829091219073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272669992495344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736937707949228,0.09417139681855226,0.0,0.0,0.14342310335275002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471847002414366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864653909297625,0.08124460236513212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045414164812571656,0.06416526990830276,0.08623838793218437,0.0,0.08209109440332553,0.07639827903144046,0.0,0.0984796848657058,0.06939237751549289,0.0,0.04692566605129595,0.0,0.10209012144128883,0.0753342231886671,0.07183484546661215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489657280888412,0.09009375620488164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983346046904442,0.2981075493686196,0.0,0.04936106440652095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344039061130557,0.08776008117742361,0.18004042352315128,0.158620081311243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804584583066077,0.0,0.1621266659418239,0.0,0.05995353294512354,0.0,0.0902332306717441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428715326565328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060862311505093136,0.06830986214180816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574047235070785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543651779217817,0.0,0.0,0.36359832365552025,0.0,0.0817660071499122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859507135610872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914550082719043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389621097499494,0.102818955899331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193408237714928,0.2302043817354137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027199388021347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547628105019042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595276615776453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326124217937382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156783833234033
suicidewatch,Lensaito,2018/04/18,"Story of my life I want to see if i can distant myself from suicidal toughts i am very sorry if its annoying  

So i am 18 now and my life is a complete disaster my body is complete shit i have a heart disease diabetes my stomach isnt working right i always get sick so my boss is extrem pissed at me i have depression for 5 years now and tried to kill myself multible times i had a troublesome past with a lot of aggression that came from the fear of not being good enough i already spent 1 year of my life in hospitals/psychward but nothing ever helped sometimes it got even worse one of the biggest reason for my depression is love sickness i loved a girl for 3 years after she broke contact with me i got over her so i can fall in love with somebody else that doesnt want me i mean i dont blame her but i just wish i could get a relationship with somebody i love my friends always tell me that i look good and are precious but i dont think thats true i mean if my personality and my looks are good atleast somebody would love me right the worst thing about my current crush is that she is my best friends sister so i cant get over her because i dont want to lose him he is the person that supports me the most he is more than a brother for me well i could talk more but i think i wrote enough you all probaly didnt even read all of that so i am sorry that i consumed your time ",1.7746836440010512,3.5077552593856716,3.142201365187713,92.60628708322395,78.31740614334471,6.145917563665005,24.57981097400893,7.010146845296331,0.7937887634549754,1093,39,245,12,26,356,150,293,0.179,0.622,0.199,0.9504,1,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,2,0,3,13,26,5,1,12,0,29,16,5,2,4,38,54,16,2,10,9,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,11,9,0,0,5,1,1,2,8,11,1,1,7,3,56,15,27,43,10,21,0,4,3,5,28,8,2,5,11,170,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971678762898942,0.0,0.14653309495487446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367585026925989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240543142551608,0.0,0.0,0.09780622883772767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070834652139267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464227255688576,0.0,0.0,0.14060515525344625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167859284717722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958983560541786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355637810189211,0.0,0.0,0.18196307823971528,0.0,0.116315395912343,0.07964832486547138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990832906585072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136057940260495,0.0,0.13801104019383906,0.0,0.0,0.22156221486760647,0.14084689793105995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434237119273447,0.05901958464091221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741679752972532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658177997940087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788347086687026,0.0985079741117037,0.0,0.07485889640339682,0.3973530850780582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182948427290766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448853374878673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059666501129946065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405586090773944,0.0,0.15376770239883558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807610434627268,0.0,0.0,0.09053240496791408,0.0,0.09453519194047634,0.0,0.15039232544499173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016626392479451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038439612259692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708595260305793,0.19713462840742726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631489864519653,0.0999206795081517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077308420829698,0.07696157041612815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849801971302545,0.11284068632346612,0.0,0.0,0.1026879806412325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978171560253143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265234940396886,0.15580654148694642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791695709119544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125577205997427,0.0,0.0,0.06410310573462732,0.0,0.08973279191308561,0.06254981063362097,0.0,0.0,0.17010833679966098
suicidewatch,North_South_Side,2018/04/18,"Ruined my reputation in my family. I can't see how this ever ends well. Short story: I viciously attacked my adult niece via Facebook PM a few nights ago over the way she treats her kid and her family. I am nw shunned and hated by my wife's family.

Long story: My uncle died around 10 days ago, not too unexpectedly, but my mom and dad found his corpse. My mom is obviously upset. My uncle's life was deeply troubled from abuse, drugs and various other things. I have been emotional about this as well. And I drink. A lot.

Saturday night my wife goes to her sister's house (grandmother to the kid in question, mother to the niece) for the little kid's birthday party. I stay home as I have been helping my mom and dad a lot. So I drank. And I stewed about my niece. She has abandoned one side of her family as she thinks they have chosen her ex-husband over her. She's using the child as an emotional tool. She's caused all kinds of issues, and has made my MIL cry a few times as she has just cut contact: drops the kid off, won't leave the car, etc.

So I had the genius idea to call her out about it on Facebook. I got really, really mean. Now my wife's side of the family is immensely angry and betrayed by me. My wife is barely talking to me, and has told me several times how bad the situation is. She's been getting an earful from everyone. I have made sincere apologies to the family members I have contacts to (it's a big family, not everyone is on social media).

I cannot see a way out of this. I know I ruined the lives of others and I have ruined mine. I have been researching where to get a gun, and have been planning suicide. This will take some doing for logistical reasons, but I have had a rocky relationship with my wife recently, my parents are grieving and I have other problems. I've been unemployed for almost a year and I drink too much.

I guess I'm asking for help. I just can't live like this.",2.7805670103092766,4.414619414948454,4.436172680412373,84.8533827319588,75.21134020618555,7.73659793814433,23.207474226804123,8.472884824447931,1.390315463917526,1495,43,308,28,32,503,194,388,0.201,0.745,0.054000000000000006,-0.9968,3,0,3,1,1,1,51.0,0,0,1,1,17,19,4,1,23,0,36,6,1,7,3,47,55,25,3,1,6,13,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,6,11,18,3,1,7,2,0,1,6,13,2,1,15,3,59,6,40,38,9,35,0,5,2,0,47,16,0,6,15,210,70,3,0.0,0.09788167659971997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646105520290856,0.0,0.0827239554911687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354216877528583,0.07723104091048169,0.09398304304704072,0.0,0.0,0.0689775449215347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435605876847029,0.0,0.0,0.08486525053595306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074537077484156,0.05327788685424533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573818295204655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618565613749303,0.095803658574033,0.0,0.0,0.18585469578661734,0.07316968560511568,0.0,0.09213418494075716,0.0,0.07472725722170198,0.0,0.1578785567332559,0.0,0.0,0.5451544966139734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057976195142377,0.0,0.0,0.08632269012913096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607233980344447,0.0,0.09100639960251217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156221796515273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074612529588587,0.0,0.08286654249022306,0.0,0.0,0.09532312261854556,0.0,0.09325885948018114,0.0,0.08622543426118856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602765492542863,0.04540137866717086,0.0,0.0,0.08747414886024375,0.0,0.0,0.058351278108917964,0.04036003604565192,0.08279889769448076,0.14589576749235975,0.07310899451921647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046748670026205,0.0,0.15633888850751362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998865474057433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902624252812155,0.0,0.0,0.06072930400010874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505147663251154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055980009435068034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173081711624477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904849907425014,0.0,0.0,0.0925443139442459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105846687801842,0.08493886499638649,0.08156935479187788,0.08869433998230185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316620898543719,0.0,0.0,0.09332801245203322,0.0,0.0,0.09285931649567296,0.0,0.08421250066939738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805336901036004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036408760006333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211392086205845,0.06640037285077034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488372258222477,0.05293441516949308,0.0,0.0,0.09634340905368044,0.0,0.0,0.07893927836662795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135021830769585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311470743155779,0.0,0.0,0.14855616611302044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319940066140626
suicidewatch,enlguy,2018/04/18,"37 year old tired of ""fresh starts"" More shit, moving in less than two weeks, can barely see the light at the end - keyboard sucks fuck it all can't even write this post.  FUck everything.  Gun store will be only errand today  ",3.004069767441859,5.2397763255813965,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,76.44186046511628,5.230232558139536,15.401162790697676,5.985473137389443,-0.7620186046511632,174,2,36,1,4,51,41,43,0.334,0.625,0.041,-0.9468,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,1,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,7,3,10,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,0,6,17,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428225611130398,0.0,0.0,0.1672527744455059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275823702209244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682050046112061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26913818099921644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657171201717269,0.0,0.0,0.19258908102248706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425196248883729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178760037478688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599319015253731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923401210304618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910449738964133,0.2400277631740865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473641041651009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312188162973685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630686466045877
suicidewatch,LUdwegs,2018/04/18,Life went on the wrong direction first i didn't know where to post this on depression related subreddit or here but because i am so close to suicide at the moment i decided to post it here. life was going on plan until a stupid decision i made and since life went too far out of plant and i lost the will to live as everything was going good i am 17 i was always optimistic but now i don't believe i am contemplating to end my life i never thought i will reach to this point everything was  going fine i am struggling at the moment but if things won't go well ( in case i am a live) to the end of this year i am going to the other side + family and friends make me sick and push me more toward killing my self i hate them they never stop fighting and yelling i tired i want peace forever . the only thing keep me  alittle bit alive is playing games sometimes.,1.7909670987038917,3.8470794293785318,3.3372549019607867,89.68061814556333,79.56497175141244,6.8765702891326015,23.40611498836823,7.928766900206844,1.202739714190761,677,23,144,12,17,223,107,177,0.219,0.636,0.14400000000000002,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,3,2,6.0,0,0,2,3,8,13,4,1,9,0,16,6,0,2,2,23,31,13,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,7,7,0,2,4,2,0,8,5,8,1,1,10,1,24,5,20,18,2,34,0,2,0,0,6,13,0,2,11,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590688803466493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758851017761631,0.0,0.0,0.14340061101962698,0.0,0.0,0.1389564429348368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962579992505073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254640317197997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22878153460741624,0.0,0.11998795256364128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082640288572133,0.0,0.0,0.0983359632841498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36167987007951946,0.10675615493743178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566233096638255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313202571532928,0.14081610535631486,0.0,0.06994958222987067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596056019549199,0.0,0.0,0.22478057461669693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894080360072225,0.0,0.0,0.12043510856301892,0.08496017322839898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963318680189134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680193035643493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203204358834436,0.0,0.2437974958276253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327804625397968,0.0,0.0,0.10528706469105722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258828558089824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641150978989328,0.0,0.1330603545453735,0.0,0.13922330911018013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691179245454385,0.0,0.0,0.10104584684052104,0.0,0.14628926595491362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507285162853695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443971595504615,0.2359790728344943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916034690040055,0.0,0.0819639394306693
suicidewatch,Trayia,2018/04/18,"I’m bipolar 21f and I’m afraid of destroying everything around me I was recently diagnosed bipolar in February after a psychotic episode. Hearing voices, dissociation with reality, believing I’m living in a purgatory ect. 
My son (3yo) was diagnosed with ASD in January. 
My father was bipolar as well except I wasn’t made aware of that until my diagnosis. He destroyed his life last year when his dad was dying by cheating on my mother and beating me up. Nobody has heard from him since November. 
My mom is meeting coke heads from tinder and getting in dangerous relations. 

Now I’ve been working really hard to tame the bipolar with heavy doses of lithium every day. Now I’m even more numb but still want to die. I’ve gone to therapy over 10 times and still feel like this is a good option. (I’m quite honest with my therapist and I like her more than any of my previous ones) 

I was living with my friends Christian family because they saw I was struggling and wanted to help. Well my friends step dad had been raping me for over 6 months until I finally reached a breaking point last Saturday. I attempted to slit my wrists but wasn’t successful in time for someone to find me and take me to the hospital. 

I’m afraid my sons life will be similar to mine because I won the genetic lottery for a fucked up mental illness. I drove to a close state to take him to his grandmothers from his dads side. She’s a good lady. So now everything that I was worried about is temporarily on pause and I think now is a good opportunity to kill myself. 

I’m not looking for help, but I wanted to tell someone I was going to do it. Even a random internet stranger relieves the burdens on my mind. 

I’m going to do it either tonight or tomorrow. 

Mental health is a scary thing and I fully believe assisted suicide should also count for a fucked up condition like this. ",4.618512311193875,6.209820346368716,5.8637926753569225,76.63830436581836,70.39664804469274,9.326050072418788,31.97434305814194,9.725611199111238,3.2854397682598786,1476,67,266,36,27,494,199,358,0.165,0.6759999999999999,0.158,-0.7139,0,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,1,7,15,28,8,3,15,0,24,18,2,1,0,34,52,19,4,4,7,8,2,3,2,2,12,3,0,0,7,16,1,0,3,0,0,5,3,13,2,1,19,7,42,15,54,30,3,46,1,0,2,3,26,17,2,3,25,173,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214682673298307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698545508952118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144444787915522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523687818073218,0.0,0.0,0.23146526221724814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624725689612533,0.0,0.0,0.20852153964046052,0.21321864537796054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569395729498324,0.0,0.08654780011877261,0.0,0.18464000091018498,0.0,0.09683725440769814,0.0,0.05193938051438062,0.07338468918958753,0.0,0.1125270401847118,0.09388613897565196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872568021231176,0.18992985351555566,0.05366805786229754,0.0,0.11675867399923158,0.2584752730849497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201882545591657,0.0,0.10542251053673986,0.10918878943001972,0.11577527298492032,0.0,0.1377049174791442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364678476247905,0.0,0.0,0.16746444424136964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511131500669566,0.150554488970322,0.0,0.18141099356221135,0.0,0.08626069327729279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719813529904174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070394338067851,0.0,0.1037200388212634,0.12030688271291573,0.08199180066855934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960715383172082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971055877789917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925759829558726,0.0,0.0,0.06580640799057763,0.0,0.10142568185055822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497278311270379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407220497588027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640680044526971,0.0,0.0,0.10738744290060764,0.0,0.11236130557885213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446847144788736,0.0,0.08978364357948886,0.0,0.11747167434969567,0.11926827609547574,0.06824399922743182,0.0658201743243526,0.0,0.0,0.11979616585185715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817644691055488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471900972567454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478291264714056,0.10431927940317938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614966490652498
suicidewatch,OmenAura,2018/04/18,"Living is worse than dying. I have struggled with depression and anxiety ever since I remember. Bad childhood. Constant nerve pain from always being tense. I always want to cry. My wife of ten years moved out yesterday. Worst day of my life. I started researching efficient ways to kill myself. I decided I'm worthless and a bad person. Death is too good for me. I started researching the most strange and painful ways to die. I want the way with the most suffering. I figured more time = more suffering. I came to the realization that I will die anyway. Living is the most painful way to die. I research how to die of sadness. I realized my condition has ruined my life. I am angry at who I am. I have decided on a forward escape. I must become a different person. A different type of suicide. I think what I want to do and do the opposite. It hurts. Good. Life is pain. I deserve this. I will go get meds and will go to the gym. I'm on the edge every moment. I'm hanging on by a thread. I always have been. I have nobody to talk to. I am ashamed and embarrassed. When I'm alone I shed the mask and cry. I am trapped by my own mind. I see shadows out of the corner of my eye that dart across the room. They move like something alive. I hear people talking that aren't there. Paranoia. I'm trying to stay here. I feel like I'm in a lucid nightmare. I'm so tired. My senses are too sharp. Reality is too jagged. I need to think differently. I must go on. I'm an artist, so the plan is to paint every free moment. Maybe I can lose myself in obsession. My inspiration has been gone for years, other than a few moments of light. I'm trying. I feel like I'm dying.",-0.15097163865546293,2.1602006220238152,2.1859593837535023,91.12472689075632,96.3511904761905,5.254341736694678,20.278711484593835,6.881172211772175,0.6901541316526614,1283,46,265,22,51,433,168,336,0.303,0.612,0.085,-0.998,3,2,1,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,1,2,11,27,1,4,20,0,29,9,1,1,3,34,57,11,9,6,0,1,3,3,0,5,8,1,1,2,8,12,0,0,10,2,1,9,1,20,0,1,4,7,44,8,39,47,8,40,0,8,2,0,8,13,0,3,18,167,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224885085380902,0.0,0.0,0.1982361805881364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060751416454378135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326145794564137,0.0,0.08770641377841595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082834597374484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581821404689148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446488123941475,0.05121539602155599,0.0,0.06839907606370896,0.0,0.494514544775845,0.24891187064918105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718344194596972,0.13381927239123656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030810834414717,0.1134666126525564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414904852805477,0.0,0.13539824910483533,0.13321722380729284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950523739758423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501422287484152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785971466431126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682771592398875,0.11639286117956996,0.0,0.1402478579984195,0.0,0.0,0.0888438412787357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978193692359688,0.0,0.08821094078208626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018540106394742,0.0,0.0,0.1688088166148418,0.0,0.0588844009100804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380079565642416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055055599407278284,0.1386823094161564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996046835892478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328259688081113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569199906638616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113670035392953,0.0,0.0,0.11241913491394796,0.08464465148993518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830206513232781,0.0,0.08686591765970247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765977002183596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177044159021574,0.0,0.0,0.0463068839634152,0.0912745962738265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783365103700356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405211280292729,0.2521402309560837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092954904527695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227989636440483
suicidewatch,crocodee,2018/04/18,"wubba lubba dub dub i miss my life, when i was happy. i almost don't really sleep anymore, perhaps twice a week. i have been pushing myself constantly for over a year and i am still stuck.
i miss my ex. i still hallucinate. i get really upset when my hallucinations are about her. it reminds me of how i lost what is most important to me. i drove her away. if not, why did she leave.
i am in great pain, almost every night. i have new medication which i cant really take, as it doesnt allow me to function well and go to work.
i am literally working to earn money to seek help for my illness. it is really a bad cycle.
i do hope the past year had at least held some worth.
i am in great pain and i need help. i cant call the mental hospital because i dont want to be captured anymore. i want to be free ya know?
i am still trying to chase my dreams. keeping myself alive for it and that she told me if i were to leave, it would break her. how much pain could i cause her after driving her away.
i am in great pain, please help me.",0.5928940783986647,2.521040633027525,2.9974812343619703,91.22130942452046,83.0366972477064,5.981984987489575,18.62468723936614,7.1686216300943375,0.18858899082568792,790,19,180,11,22,272,122,218,0.155,0.6579999999999999,0.187,0.9081,0,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,4,10,16,0,1,5,0,26,8,1,4,0,24,42,11,0,8,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,1,1,3,4,6,9,1,1,10,0,44,8,23,28,4,25,0,3,0,0,14,7,0,7,13,126,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896554223202174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069571263833442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606423072535806,0.0,0.08712065320607712,0.06360550703420413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654416520853824,0.0,0.0,0.10718728927798317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275591108293545,0.0,0.08330806262644558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228726306484412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791207173505577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054514039018861836,0.0,0.05929958306406464,0.0,0.0,0.3451100579935628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107328727442124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981338463397808,0.0,0.0,0.10363448507633484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274336935916674,0.0,0.0,0.0573432668622787,0.0,0.0,0.2209648080696145,0.0,0.0,0.07369936796157713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390088868226825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511291391245137,0.1051515204998231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670288409450382,0.07736777497561367,0.0,0.10077350785846298,0.0,0.09791727104927718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44410613200197263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099605607091709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453544853653408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26737491429960336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441668525481053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499813656224479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845169561846321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970261340469824,0.0,0.07084091473537887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230864410569449,0.0,0.08369632211117756,0.0,0.09381538763288362,0.0,0.09415182214605952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192346361593606,0.0,0.0,0.07412108798066687,0.0,0.0,0.13438479264710848
suicidewatch,bitcherooni,2018/04/18,I don’t really know if I want to die I think I’m bi polar. I have really good days and really bad days. Sometimes I’m super happy and think I’m amazing and then other days I feel completely depressed and think the whole world is against me. Everybody always says go see a doctor but I don’t have health insurance and that shits expensive. I try to self medicate with alcohol which I know makes it worse but those few moments of being drunk are worth it. I don’t know what to do. Today I’ve been wanting to die. I had to see my family yesterday and they stress me the fuck out. I got wasted and cried to my dad all psycho about my miscarriage then drove all the way back home. It was stupid. I know I’m just rambling now but I don’t even know how to talk about all of this. ,1.2323389570552123,3.227128073619636,3.078830521472393,91.13395130368099,81.1472392638037,7.0197852760736215,19.38995398773006,8.07648339933343,0.7381659509202452,608,15,135,12,16,203,97,163,0.249,0.679,0.07200000000000001,-0.9888,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,3,1,4,0,13,8,1,2,3,30,35,14,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,9,9,2,0,9,1,2,2,4,6,0,0,5,4,19,4,14,29,5,15,0,1,2,2,5,2,2,1,10,82,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685555687725474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434084279327453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566416549182196,0.11473634179745795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440777120412383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094465727365616,0.26586521062653284,0.0,0.1183559123294643,0.0,0.28523153369605675,0.0,0.0,0.14065075761778814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076175182504932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954326083753478,0.0,0.06948148993761126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703856953241172,0.0,0.0,0.07809649010311445,0.1152577415448176,0.1099038617809525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628153238406005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606642780387696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378391178396882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776002833065483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172602453976424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843182728965725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640959843578635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927845358197398,0.0,0.0,0.21900499010921784,0.0,0.14335450956043394,0.0,0.14105520710118769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359076080274597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740918186978858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104495076412344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641512317658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302539843931033,0.0,0.0,0.093296217454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210264101597868,0.10907416001487036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534196844196105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003830406633247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iStitch94,2018/04/18,"I'm so lost in life. I am already 23 and about to turn 24 in a few months and I achieved absolutely nothing in my life. My head is constantly hurting every day trying to think of what to do, what can I do? The idea of nothing becoming so appealing to me everyday. I'm so tired. I don't want to end my life because I love my mom to much. She works so hard and suffers to provide for me. Yet, all I am doing is disappointing her. I'm still going to community college and all I am doing is taking random classes. I don't want to be here, but my dream is to get a decent job and make my mom proud. I don't want her to work anymore and live a good life. I wish I wasn't born because I know I can never achieve my dream. I tried and I failed. Me going to school so late in my life is just to give my mom something to be happy about. 

 Everyday I wish I was born with the worst people around me, I wish I wasn't given anything in life just so I can have reason of being the person who I am today. I still live with my parents with a roof over my head, with my mom still asking me what I want for dinner. How can I ever end my life and do that to her. ",1.2428571428571438,2.2904812222222226,3.6057460317460333,91.65314285714287,78.04761904761905,6.309841269841268,22.123809523809523,6.742157984588678,0.35624380952380985,876,24,210,8,20,305,112,252,0.109,0.767,0.123,0.8599,2,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,7,18,10,0,0,7,0,28,12,2,3,4,34,51,16,0,7,3,5,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,13,1,0,4,2,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,1,46,4,33,43,5,26,0,5,0,1,14,7,0,1,17,149,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993437768147746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981043607949743,0.0,0.0,0.07452254168613237,0.0806169268582412,0.08466066856541299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104081492360564,0.10001557014878873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978623710317854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840322061774352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604172215995459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191602083651647,0.07630006888047743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731346730887679,0.08687267871792666,0.10293381063769223,0.07595679733518014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640199920848813,0.08112329499943198,0.0,0.18587982142740525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969455437211816,0.10223036359682797,0.0,0.0,0.08986607617569478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049768992188120316,0.0,0.10215477174489453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477527054764607,0.0,0.0,0.15993094319528814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885611248243603,0.0,0.08173325340284468,0.0,0.06044899859172976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42424756840468464,0.07228352459635196,0.0,0.06657146423962848,0.0,0.06984487179352833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378807407945052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055532352742022,0.0,0.0,0.06278237733575362,0.07907283885104552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310998548001552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165078968209317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971693037594802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696218777907392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808928127093689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802670695016107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408452920547788,0.08583957452263229,0.0,0.0,0.1229675644581602,0.09850245275925966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365675374370166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31241598418643635,0.0,0.0,0.13185641641333656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drewdrew104,2018/04/18,"Mental illness is manifesting too quickly, it's not just off-days anymore I feel like I'm not myself, like I have no control anymore of my thoughts or emotions, or even the things I do. At this point I don't know if I'm just turning stupid or if it can still be fixed. I'm skeptical about help, the three therapists I've seen didn't help whatsoever, it just feels like I know me more than anyone else does, so I feel like I should have the resources to solve my own problem. I have support already, support doesn't help though. It has never fixed anything for me and I'm sick of it.

 I'm not saying don't try to get help or don't try and gain a support system because something might end up working for you. It just feels like I'm one of the few that it just won't work for, because there are those people out there. I just want to sleep.",3.5658333333333303,4.231322704545455,4.27659090909091,90.52446969696972,71.95454545454545,6.775757575757575,27.734848484848484,6.42735559955562,0.980789393939394,660,23,147,4,12,211,99,176,0.105,0.7070000000000001,0.188,0.9027,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,4,15,11,2,0,5,0,17,3,1,1,1,31,37,10,0,5,15,0,4,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,3,6,15,8,14,30,3,9,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,7,9,94,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317183305390992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367489742735943,0.08346030262326429,0.12229991319389788,0.09822430485047336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552326669444532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338740180772406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697826209910652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445401112406244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971117712996312,0.13426556803718218,0.10571881823370416,0.0,0.0,0.07883711340906198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141094643482905,0.34108738101292996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623614322771391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200218613328091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119586504109926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29156988166132736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028826963672724,0.1266236381790511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205891028494527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088240906386006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275020190048164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283515329638075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421278957488787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492101755390854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944765354605648,0.0,0.0,0.09189027732478218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532220985874344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063498841493653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858784570932353,0.07929844502780804,0.0,0.1172720206893018,0.09475966018987536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207718181338124,0.12983098441669655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040247701652506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379311748145362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneLastFilm,2018/04/18,"I’m about to see one more film, then I’m leaving. I’m going to the movie theatre in about an hour and half to see Isle of Dogs. I’ve always loved films, especially animated ones. I want to experience it one last time.

Then I’m going to go home and say goodbye to my dog. Then I’m going to end it. Finally end it. I’m calm for the first time in a very long time. I can’t say I’m happy, but I’m not afraid.",-1.0799999999999983,0.6172713763440889,2.2477526881720458,95.51162903225807,87.9247311827957,5.440430107526883,16.82688172043011,6.742157984588678,-0.3596098924731179,310,7,81,4,10,112,54,93,0.0,0.908,0.092,0.6939,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,17,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,5,0,4,3,3,13,17,1,19,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,13,37,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478751586781139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31480983046031746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384177167246342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468078449367496,0.0,0.15116637589381485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040036992584099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918353481161224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782650969212031,0.0,0.17501589409209697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448634449381729,0.0,0.18817712379529888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727435466874332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039694111490913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612778393198798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826561055308892,0.0,0.0,0.28323560394120384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31088543041420724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663551192661528,0.10482235908352576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreeFromEducation,2018/04/18,"School will be the end of me I did quite a lot of research before posting this. I saw a lot of people being stressed out by school, education etc. They feel pressured, and that's exactly how I feel. 
 School is a place I don't want to be at. I would rather be burning in hell, to be fair! Everyone there makes me angry, it's loud, I can't concentrate... I'm not lazy, I love learning. I love Astronomy and learning languages. I've noticed I can do much better alone, or with one person teaching me. I cannot stand the system of teaching at school. I know I sound pathetic, lazy, and ungrateful. I might be, after all.. There's so much more that could happen to me, but thinking about how many more years I'll have to spend learning, retelling things I will most likely never use, just so I can get good grades and satisfy the people around me. This thought, makes me really depressed instantly. I have no future, thinking about it makes me get huge anxiety. I don't see myself successful. I feel like a failure, I gave up absolutely. I stopped caring...
 Tonight I will (hopefully) end it, in about 3 hours. I picked a painful way, and I've been building up courage for quite the few days. I had suicidal thoughts many times, but this one was the only one where I was preparing. 
Tonight, I'll run warm water in my bath and slit my wrists. I know there's a small chance it'll kill me... But I still want to try it. I don't have a noose, a gun or any fatal medicine. A razor and knife is all I have. There's much more reasons than School, but it is the main one.. Even if I do not succeed, I'll get some rest. Peace is all I ever wanted. ",2.0250909090909097,3.9241479939393966,3.1460606060606118,92.09909090909096,78.15151515151516,6.33939393939394,24.03030303030303,7.3011,0.8674121212121222,1258,43,275,16,30,404,173,330,0.196,0.695,0.11,-0.9824,0,1,0,1,0,1,62.0,0,0,1,5,18,19,2,2,15,0,35,5,1,8,6,59,63,18,3,8,11,0,4,2,0,6,1,2,1,1,12,10,1,1,13,1,1,1,9,7,0,4,9,8,42,12,26,41,17,32,1,1,2,2,5,13,1,9,16,182,54,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933259964757092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522127773024718,0.0,0.07336997497280083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537917223120116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161133088612879,0.0,0.0,0.0848235459972864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778542089900563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657537835635186,0.0,0.0,0.06185324628843026,0.0,0.08260611508088328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989347182487227,0.0,0.10696367234524316,0.06334686259974966,0.08675500697011047,0.0,0.09164497533469518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454831239304814,0.06851727100732145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032517977235235,0.0,0.0,0.08044375709352447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481184143869643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952590860391328,0.09445085570664402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610888506408446,0.0,0.10541794437971544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371239728674452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630764762528452,0.17312288600553402,0.0,0.1920596205946542,0.1944729539802075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101744088066608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151202604112104,0.0,0.07397078468163179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919281264486898,0.0,0.0,0.2599611595173473,0.07294296967084694,0.1020537329049335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298218169638906,0.08374387104763817,0.1002042903459322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185412562798526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402164415217008,0.0,0.0,0.06144163775989025,0.09861022736232243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853241659256512,0.07642690196113686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659289729819359,0.08018405730808073,0.1098632145737463,0.0,0.0,0.10490866841710393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371754982308815,0.12290898201612062,0.0,0.15228175955404824,0.05592519674031925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511578445049175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283441567028887,0.0,0.0,0.16970849814505826,0.07612794694579869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813086485703786,0.0,0.0,0.06176212732515012
suicidewatch,garbageworkplaces,2018/04/18,"Everything ends in poverty or abuse I can't do this anymore. Every day I run the numbers for wages and housing and there's no way out. Why does it even matter when nobody my age can afford to feed themselves?

You do the thing you're supposed to...spend thousands on a degree for it to be worth crumbs. And for rent to rise every year. You can sell your soul, be pretty enough to get paid to have sex with successful men, or languish in poverty. If I was pretty enough maybe I could do that second one but I don't have the body or any livable skills. So I might as well get rid of myself in the cleanest way possible. I don't want to hurt anyone.",3.1038345864661707,4.300338518796991,3.8812105263157903,90.92497368421057,73.58646616541355,6.222255639097745,23.82631578947369,6.2581,0.4951509774436094,505,14,108,3,10,161,92,133,0.07400000000000001,0.807,0.119,0.7164,3,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,3,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,0,15,3,1,0,0,14,19,11,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,0,0,5,2,4,1,1,3,2,0,12,2,17,13,2,14,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,5,5,73,17,2,0.0,0.20799035037233388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937560421051935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409198871533668,0.1227441014859635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498926251115664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401572060079294,0.0,0.0,0.11321103948012833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361930569437018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554794428775147,0.3627667363505955,0.0,0.11594483059596457,0.0,0.2958059510759213,0.0,0.1577671847260779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342847393657868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255363782839986,0.18792295461710865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635704714763664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622391971580274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895282325271968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789892792622515,0.0,0.3571817107209261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662330567034405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354010843678367,0.27867652950768523,0.0,0.0,0.15783469446571655,0.0,0.15840071076575718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304426290544065
suicidewatch,Chipsflaps,2018/04/18,"I want to die but I can't... I don't really find anything that I liked doing before fun anymore, every day is dull and I honestly can't find any other reason to staying than the people around me. I know that they would be hurt, that my mum and dad would be devestated, that my friends would feel an empty hole in their everyday and that my dog would wonder why I wouldn't wake up...

I've been depressed for about 5 years now and I don't know if it's ever going to get better since it's only gotten worse. And no one even knows about this! Whenever I meet people in school I just put on a smile and laugh like nothing's wrong, but christ... I think about dying every day so how can I be alright!?

I'm not poor, I've got friends, my parents and realtives love me, I could probably become a successful author if I would put my mind to it and actually write something of importance; but instead I sit here by my desk with the sharp blades only a grab away trying to fight the urge... Why do I feel so misserable when everything is so great but still so horrible??",4.866246012052464,4.835150548387098,5.819539170506912,83.07018787663952,68.86175115207375,9.073236440978377,27.29138603332152,8.841846274778883,1.8127741226515424,827,23,175,13,13,274,134,217,0.145,0.615,0.24,0.9816,1,0,1,0,1,1,27.0,0,0,2,2,17,17,1,0,7,1,20,2,1,2,1,40,34,20,2,10,8,3,4,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,0,10,0,1,3,7,5,0,1,3,4,26,12,19,21,0,19,1,3,0,1,11,6,0,3,10,112,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.1133652129984364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899961898542672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520947573737915,0.0,0.0,0.09559805444744188,0.10341597574111884,0.0,0.0,0.10914558791699068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283006953915405,0.0988521579041032,0.0,0.0,0.10274297051483183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275233366075553,0.0,0.0,0.1498401460335583,0.0,0.10005709554245128,0.0,0.2411323461332609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672922370518906,0.10508246287450942,0.19575655832835845,0.0,0.10440615202905336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747813759851745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235464581872288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950538797086193,0.0,0.0606940574160925,0.0,0.0660221176786293,0.0,0.0929118029025031,0.12807789242134465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436244332792247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915320673722915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350963884030765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484800749121123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729863613789444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146829799590004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787198337244318,0.17670511870361688,0.0,0.0,0.1289930949220869,0.0,0.0,0.16107537373487313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525096438088,0.0,0.0,0.23356597724179856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442151000088268,0.119442161527556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757029462415948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960970674638613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894333815674006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382181849060908,0.09277355357208948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443707856598132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078871839690138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852010651850499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965080562771973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598146588680015,0.0,0.0,0.11838720765012155,0.4126193592154571,0.1270137151569578,0.0,0.07480970468865085
suicidewatch,xxJillexx,2018/04/18,self harm just feels useless now I bleed but sometimes I just wish the damn pin would go deeper ,0.824561403508774,3.3563900526315784,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,95.84210526315788,2.533333333333333,16.859649122807017,3.1291,-1.2044877192982462,77,2,16,0,3,22,17,19,0.318,0.536,0.146,-0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390975177784755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26874318538120723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933070293833266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676809860547558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5437777035820301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33591361454135266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jcrulezd00d,2018/04/18,"A sign that I should just get it over with? Tonight, while in the car, I was yelled at once again. It was painful enough that I contemplated suicide for the millionth time.

Crazy enough, ""Today"" by Smashing Pumpkins began to play on the radio. I tried my best to hold back my tears. I believe it may be a sign that it's time to do it.",2.0376960784313742,3.8109316911764712,2.538823529411765,97.04637254901962,77.67647058823529,5.121568627450982,23.098039215686285,5.46131890053228,-0.006831372549019664,257,8,59,1,6,79,48,68,0.162,0.747,0.091,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,7,2,10,2,3,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,8,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783748243610675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045259660481576,0.28365425773136765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5585667541004391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121615494168713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878516303427502,0.0,0.0,0.2876092171671805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956550352313076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152182991559382,0.0,0.25620474138538274,0.0,0.0,0.18351018877945866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluebirdonmysholder,2018/04/18,"Help? Hi.

I'm going through a pretty bad time right now. I'm in grad school, and was supposed to graduate in May. But even though I've been working hard I've failed a class and I'm worried about the feedback I'm getting about my thesis. It's been a long, slow decline over the past year basically. I feel guilty and sad -- I wish I was smarter, and just better. I've wasted time and money, and I feel like a failure. My director says I probably won't walk at graduation, and I don't want all my classmates to know. I'm doing makeup work, but I just don't see it making it better. Failing has stressed me out, which decreases the quality of my work, which stresses me out, and it's just a spiral... 

I've been wanting to be dead lately. I don't feel like I'm as smart or kind or organized as I want to be. I'm disappointed in myself. I feel gross. I wish at least I was a wonderful kind person people wanted to be around, but I've been sad an irritable. I just wish I was better, but I'm so tired. I want to quit trying because it's hard and I just keep failing at being a valuable human.

I've talked to my friend and fiance about it (and they're great and supportive) but I feel like I'm scaring them and I don't want to do that.

I guess I just wanted to say it here -- that I want to die. I think I'll be okay because I don't want to hurt family and friends and my fiance. But I'm hurting, and the desire is there, and the plan is there, and I'm not sure where to go next, or what to do that won't just further mess everything up. I'm not even good at being a failure. I'm not responding in a constructive way.",1.4788969492199158,2.8566688443804047,3.5970128192387962,90.58567723342941,78.13544668587896,6.630587300009937,22.91652588691245,7.372421405659032,0.7336171916923386,1247,38,287,16,29,427,154,347,0.226,0.573,0.201,-0.6262,0,0,0,0,0,2,47.0,0,0,1,11,20,31,0,3,15,1,28,1,0,1,2,67,69,31,2,13,19,0,7,3,2,3,1,2,0,2,13,21,0,1,8,0,1,3,10,14,0,0,8,10,33,17,33,52,2,29,0,8,1,0,11,16,0,6,12,170,46,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989415502839904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493527535580942,0.10941828391666568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381226717312622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314356368187517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855453569875612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065911708853296,0.0,0.08460579942914985,0.0,0.2268947440296617,0.19234654057636644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867713563790046,0.0,0.04688927796458255,0.0,0.10201095657258934,0.07527580594120854,0.0,0.09894675285409456,0.09886680688784567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079196664234058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601557463597498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215275504094054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977155432840481,0.0,0.18691607587323555,0.04932278781200385,0.0,0.10123890216044608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153804261481228,0.0,0.0,0.07942356663339993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059907042515915825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544730814346324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567398567070345,0.062219501330462626,0.07836391055702012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130530368828843,0.09676280568828728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095457337199889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664373308424251,0.0,0.14274136479055294,0.08985273814015005,0.09082909364942887,0.07151700577616879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561053633325133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184421136063963,0.08458580042100314,0.0,0.0,0.07213550770705192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057506467953258714,0.08817630023524553,0.0,0.10466478466822032,0.10315135836203468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093254879065504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764177271614421,0.07123725653852958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096150156881031,0.0,0.09732715563658308,0.1960113846737263,0.09114277437710178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577943407794719
suicidewatch,warezdave,2018/04/18,"There’s no point I’m so done with life. I hate humanity or the lack thereof. This world is a beautiful place made horrible by humans being ugly to one another. I feel like John Coffey when he said I’m tired boss I want it to be done and over with. So you tell god he father it was a kindness you done (by killing me.) I’m tired of being as lonely as a sparrow in the rain, tired of never having me a buddy to tell me which way we going and where. But most of all I’m tired of people being ugly to each other . There’s too much pain, it’s like pieces of glass in my head all day. He killed them with their love that’s the way it is. That’s the way it is all around the world.

I’m not sorry I feel like this. I didn’t ask to be born. In the 40 years I’ve been alive one thing is certain; people are all selfish me included. I contribute to the destruction of our planet. I have no doubt that’s humans are a mistake. ",0.7518555555555579,2.2922148300000025,2.9033333333333324,94.03722222222223,80.7,5.844444444444445,18.11111111111111,6.691623216298621,-0.1788722222222221,706,14,168,7,18,240,110,200,0.252,0.626,0.122,-0.9853,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,2,2,2,0,8,15,4,1,12,0,19,8,1,2,6,26,33,9,2,3,3,1,2,3,0,0,6,1,0,3,13,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,9,0,2,8,3,18,6,24,20,9,19,0,1,0,1,18,10,0,3,8,112,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569355578131533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670921228334147,0.11206174194511292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730586999289127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680041539637097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212191775382283,0.1712694987765084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681245631564776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834625189988253,0.12302062418457793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652355427103624,0.12482557211122895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466732796193123,0.1756864555076638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108186846458545,0.11342335914015265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811782818329042,0.0,0.0924506991468936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245326483865086,0.0,0.12754953186206094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620474860209625,0.0,0.1252380482358213,0.0,0.11331536272055187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402328393839717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418402030895893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954234192450036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963592727081475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510891350115307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070209935903675,0.2854403376974473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719198703359799
suicidewatch,Novitali,2018/04/18,"There's no good option My first suicide thoughts came around when I was about thirteen years old. I never attempted anything because I'm too scared. Scared for the pain and scared it won't work. 

I've been thinking about options again for some time now. I really want it to work. The best thing I can come up with is going into the woods, climb into a big tree and hang myself there. Falling down a few metres first to break my neck and make it as instant as possible. If that fails though I'll be choking for at least 15 to 20 minutes. There's a risk there. And I'm afraid of heights. Also breaking your neck can't be painless right.. I broke my back a few years ago and it was the worst pain ever. Somehow I survived (wish I didn't) without being paralyzed. It's just a few seconds of huge pain I know that. Or it's slowly dying of suffication.
The best thing about this option is my family won't be the ones to find me. 

I'm sad because there's really no good painless option for people who want to die. All methods are messy and horrible and not always garantueed.  

Why don't we have the choice when we want to die to freaking die. I WANT TO FUCKING DIE. I'm done with being a slave of society. Fucking shit society with all their preventing shit. Just let us die whenever we want to. HELP us die quick and without pain. Damn. Don't know why I post. I'm just angry about everything. ",1.8579639044229768,4.0589602348754505,2.9794445856634475,91.57615213523131,80.1032028469751,5.864819522114898,22.84710218607016,7.021680442328713,0.7182027452974071,1090,36,227,13,28,349,151,281,0.298,0.601,0.101,-0.9967,0,0,1,0,0,4,31.0,5,1,1,10,24,23,5,5,13,0,21,10,4,1,4,50,42,16,8,7,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,12,19,0,1,5,0,0,6,12,19,0,4,7,0,23,4,34,27,10,34,0,3,0,2,9,10,5,8,15,150,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718266745323189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479828017793009,0.0674220136913059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667936414372751,0.07213234144333025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062305739912641864,0.0,0.09878816557750301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006834571100218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926747574680671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979868195450188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5886618783880965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292005509886723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329471135818327,0.0,0.0,0.07282298651609133,0.0,0.07638624390407604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405837303908545,0.1378452142508007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981866435642507,0.0,0.0,0.04605023451239445,0.13592534108766902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431154299907732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906203889703199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285689838077619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054087001033831884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249399892327185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502554148010705,0.0,0.05490685441857888,0.0,0.3448791790827381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617480168364457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913472024295955,0.07760268669312644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381757231687476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691977019139748,0.0,0.0,0.2433703085603553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634871445893618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886317786044574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766316748364524,0.051919645187184435,0.07960986624763085,0.06432739735399746,0.04724823725901536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493406994151855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389628722112895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623082543130808,0.0,0.09317851441346683,0.15621672622052876,0.0,0.11797909472467615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435910164179604
suicidewatch,Zombie_Bean,2018/04/18,"Dude at my office committed suicide I never knew him but it’s interesting seeing how people react. 

I wish I wasn’t so jealous of him.

Hope he’s at peace. This life tends to drain every part of you until there’s nothing left. I hope he knows I don’t blame him at all. Mind sick is arguably the worst kind of sick. It eats you alive.",-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142853,1.6371428571428588,95.79285714285713,94.71428571428572,3.942857142857144,15.571428571428573,5.6839178017228535,-0.7027428571428573,260,6,57,2,10,86,52,70,0.314,0.474,0.213,-0.8956,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,3,12,10,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,11,4,8,8,3,6,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25492990402002885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990912541824805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948995899244491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594384129965644,0.13691947827099504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706886697283603,0.0,0.17597321468336447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25155789757151475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921502322113953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390541920432857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697916810839482,0.0,0.1727206031605357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985303660389132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725160356767234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864958794466456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedditKeepaway,2018/04/18,"My ""story"". I'll try to keep things short and sweet. From birth until the end of high school life was pretty sweet. I topped the class, played the guitar, knew more foreign languages than other kids and generally enjoyed life. I was a good boy. I'm not going to say that everything was sugarsweet all the time and there were definitely issues here and there, but I got through it all with a stiff upper lip.

Then I got into uni. A very decorated, prestigious, but also extremely difficult faculty. I passed the first semestre with difficulty. As soon as the second one began I fell critically ill and when I fuinally recovered, I couldn't catch up to the snowball of extremely complex maths, physics and coding. So I took an academic leave and rejoined the uni next year. I failed again. 

Since then I switched uni two times and haven't been able to get past the second year of studies. I'm currently on the second year of studies in my current uni(also extremely decorated) and I think I'm about to fail... again.

In total I've wasted 6 years(if I fail again) of my life on nothing. I have lost any optimism I once had 3 years ago. I haven't felt happy for any of this time. My relationship with my extremely loving mother is in ruins. I've lost mastery of my third language, I've given up on playing the guitar, I don't have a hobby besides videogames and lifting. Whenever I need to do something for my studies(which I can absolutely accomplish), I set a date and time. Then, once the time comes I keep pushing it back. At first, for minutes, then hours, then days, then months and by the end it's too late to salvage anything.

My self-esteem has dropped into a dumpster, as I saw complete high school failures do something with their lives, even if it wasn't ""smart"" or ""prestigious"" or whatnot. I'm also a complete failure in the eyes of my parents, which hurts them even more so since my older brother was also an abject failure until about the age of 30. But unlike me, he never really cared about shit. He got through an easy uni(with a little bribery to cover for his shittiest subjects) and started smoking the reefer/playing videogames, which he is still doing to this day. 

I've went from a person with dreams who aspired to be something to a fucking sloth whose greatest dream is graduating with a fucking bachelor's degree.

I've had suicidal thoughts for the last four years, but they have never been as strong as now. I've gone from the sweetest(a little too sweet) guy to a person ready to blow the fuck up on a complete stranger because they were slightly rude. I regularly lock up, unable to do anything but cry into the pillow or mindlessly browse the internet. 

I don't *want* to disappear, but I don't want to live like this either. 5 years of empty promises to and from my parents that it will get better. I don't see it getting better anymore. Not without actually progressing with my studies. If I fail again, my only out is blowing my brains out or getting drunk and throwing myself off a building.",5.410929319371724,6.699845378708558,5.668303228621294,79.93805693717279,68.16230366492147,8.173280977312391,32.475087260034904,8.472884824447931,2.5965099825479934,2394,104,431,35,40,761,289,573,0.161,0.732,0.107,-0.9914,4,0,3,0,0,0,82.0,0,0,4,14,25,30,5,0,38,0,33,14,4,0,5,62,70,46,1,6,16,4,1,1,0,1,5,1,1,5,17,28,1,3,5,7,0,11,13,14,0,9,25,8,48,16,77,42,7,90,0,8,3,4,22,26,4,6,52,287,65,11,0.07620219783011856,0.0,0.07436235278300732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754865059887996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437554802946001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364021521837552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557210410610242,0.0,0.0,0.12541583193228534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058594786450401726,0.0,0.04645215251401125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347893029496345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506685435832204,0.0,0.0,0.07769321929806641,0.0,0.0,0.06564144602692883,0.23968966385218546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370453613683722,0.09828822709977604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498505853375015,0.0,0.0,0.10066166597349847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848562186362979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316606001730755,0.0,0.0,0.12963510109277607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113431119642629,0.15925001294602864,0.0,0.043307465107194486,0.06391478815111526,0.18283757642399015,0.0,0.0,0.07545215634429367,0.0,0.08111865656427215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102361159699713,0.0,0.0,0.07504381509883079,0.0,0.08157602882848444,0.0,0.0,0.07953529658210537,0.0,0.1354640294218102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062114961803407975,0.08595939828648362,0.08068712477332578,0.0,0.0,0.16147159768240274,0.0372285447381073,0.15274924252289065,0.13457587354595446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636740116559146,0.0,0.06877545867412062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060823867296626685,0.0,0.0,0.05650296413649019,0.11754366536614275,0.0,0.0810419018874171,0.0,0.0,0.07311806400263929,0.0,0.0,0.16230570743675693,0.05163658137806889,0.05795520525235012,0.0,0.0,0.16922704553645534,0.0,0.07274362028725934,0.0,0.1330736397789399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752503037786149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048817079198766884,0.0,0.0,0.08181264259311162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059904624677592,0.0,0.15424138489052092,0.060723285738792675,0.0,0.0794955114186353,0.0,0.07822046101760935,0.12607049099371728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599252437652305,0.0,0.0,0.05393630783471769,0.0,0.06085517362152445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335283630896632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050625354229988304,0.04882729145964982,0.0,0.06049603320901796,0.22217057178292088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466344563174097,0.051736290283014214,0.0,0.07443847466761752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287479374960503,0.08989206122214201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706402008256712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345619942646336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29443030209241244
suicidewatch,Babygirl9870,2018/04/18,Help Hi I need help. I was doing bad but I was good for a bit. I want to die. Please help me. I ruin everything. Everyone hates me. I have no friends. No guy will ever like me. I just want to slit my wrists and give up. Please help me ,-3.502948717948718,-2.9537518076923064,-0.5115384615384606,106.44820512820513,124.76923076923076,3.271794871794872,10.1025641025641,5.46131890053228,-1.61354358974359,174,3,47,2,12,59,35,52,0.278,0.337,0.385,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,7,10,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,12,3,4,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090142499828134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234603915735449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242822805503375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514713389596,0.0,0.1955829998956791,0.1839555267406492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813727235046293,0.0,0.0,0.19635020493230135,0.0,0.17167805739235584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266795841717314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020816961827422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487777405715184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999758154672296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176955756980512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493600689932748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145420632740966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lankiest,2018/04/18,"Is this an option Frankly im sick of it here not life just here. School is shit. Have to live with my drunk ass homophobic dad and all my ""friends"" hobbies are getting high and flirting with strangers. But i dont want to die. Ive got a boyfriend who lives 3 hours from my house and i can get there easy on the train. What im suggesting is sneaking up there maybe sleeping on the streets and seeing him on the weekends saying that im here on holiday. I just dont want to see any more bruises in the mirror.
",2.099171907756812,3.708774556603775,2.807106918238997,95.9145178197065,77.01886792452831,5.843186582809224,25.928721174004195,6.42735559955562,0.6391501048218031,397,15,92,3,9,124,75,106,0.138,0.767,0.095,-0.5716,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,6,0,9,6,3,0,1,14,16,5,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,8,2,13,15,2,10,0,0,2,1,6,8,2,1,2,55,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405224173606468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406213463287967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931224633119225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957652305611456,0.0,0.17524877707675388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413734826651125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720055710400293,0.0,0.0,0.16516591213969006,0.19352108514051175,0.0,0.0,0.5434843246206965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846236620008335,0.0,0.0,0.29619158989905164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684926891567379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333740393523776,0.0,0.16973696627484502,0.26729496265503666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215747593517278,0.0,0.0,0.16783654932431671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784580869614224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cuppaalmond,2018/04/18,"Feeling like it's time tonight A hopeless 17 year old here. Been thinking about killing myself since I was 8 and been depressed for as long as I can remember.

I'm graduating high school in a semester and a half. But it doesn't matter whether I am a student or have a full time job. My days are just going to be the same. I either sit in classes that have teachers who could give less of a fuck about the subject or have customers yelling at me telling me that I'm stupid and don't know how to my job. 

I hate the majority of my friends too. I only feel connected to two people, who we'll call C and M. 
M is my boyfriend and C is the only friend who I feel close to. 
I feel like M can find someone better and I should just leave him now so that he can find someone sooner and he'll have more time to forget about me before I muster up the courage to neck it. 
Same with C. I'm worried that I'm a Downer Debbie and I'm not good for her well being. 
My friend group has 5 people which includes C. One of the people is my ex who I just fucking hate suddenly and another friend can tell the friendship is deteriorating so he's constantly asking me to hang out with him, which only makes me want to hang out with him even less.

This makes me believe I'm a shitty person and I'm better off leaving. Everyone deserves better. I'm sick of burdening my family and everyone who is close to me. I want everyone to forget about me so that I don't feel guilty about wanting to kill myself. That is the ONLY thing stopping me besides being a pussy. It's guilt. Because I know what the trauma of having someone close to you trying to off themselves and finding their goodbyes. Which is why I want to cut off everyone, make everyone hate me and just disappear. 

I have a 9 hour shift tomorrow while I have a big assignment due the day after and I've only just started. My grades are shit too. Last term I tried so hard and I failed half of my subjects so now I have no motivation or hope about school. Can't drop out of school either because my job is connected to my school-based traineeship (which is retail).

I really have no hope for myself. Life is meaningless, and I'm so scared of living.
Im planning on writing a suicide note after posting this then seeing if I'll actually do it. 

If you actually read all of this, I'm sorry you had to see all that. ",2.9215036034068578,4.349089678423237,4.339414719371042,86.54309892989737,74.41493775933608,7.148373007206812,26.169687704739022,7.7627490962704995,1.3865676348547722,1843,65,385,25,38,612,223,482,0.17800000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.103,-0.99,3,0,0,0,1,4,38.0,1,3,1,6,25,31,10,2,22,0,42,6,2,5,2,74,81,34,3,10,15,1,6,2,4,3,2,1,0,1,26,25,0,1,13,1,1,4,7,17,1,4,4,9,54,14,52,70,12,48,0,3,2,2,30,17,3,7,26,256,80,14,0.0,0.0,0.13962478927259436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501557782599867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687993089181288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721983319910953,0.0,0.060874986918129814,0.08060070585934859,0.0,0.18981306383076654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304999795717257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730896439186219,0.0,0.05711860234454361,0.0,0.0,0.09227433293314988,0.0,0.06161700979883172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725127491726469,0.0,0.0,0.3417960848105789,0.0,0.0,0.0674412305671686,0.0,0.1808630241641684,0.10221590386894616,0.0,0.0,0.19615787697967285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108547503961887,0.13227453753080468,0.0,0.0686273667275906,0.04065764101874967,0.06000407795758474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408548922674921,0.21189182885215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558558529861502,0.0,0.1421100612746123,0.07045216078598933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727511592597555,0.0,0.21297624030118734,0.0,0.1582960826649467,0.0,0.07863265940369614,0.058314376347018436,0.0,0.15150035430376455,0.0,0.0,0.05053058202202401,0.06990133474060001,0.0,0.0631708360541645,0.06331035349740476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325984840896322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506884556673787,0.0,0.04847712937962306,0.2720456997985967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878979088836256,0.06246567724292557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851522497264217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155902599933969,0.0,0.045830142141420574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104049614963149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162368621167432,0.28960784666529965,0.11401570361764958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343443945526011,0.05917835127492321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818459814291346,0.0,0.0,0.08008279943965442,0.05063614405490627,0.0,0.0,0.05981036440249534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825278362878751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125057643256012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752777549171231,0.04583972955171902,0.0,0.0,0.12514606426566974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971414749287266,0.0,0.06988385890349665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687837949674021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643227516168506,0.0,0.06455342159724904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265200379608673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606919960906331
suicidewatch,Pickledcream,2018/04/18,"I almost did it last night, but I was stopped and now I'm so ashamed. Last night was my breaking point. I've always toyed around with the idea of killing myself, semi-seriously. I spoke to my ex who I'm still so very much in love with even after she broke my heart and soul several times. She told me she loved me too but that it would never work and that I'm too depressed for her to want me, that I should just move on. At that point I had finally lost hope for the one thing I was grasping onto. I walked to the river near my apartment, sat on the wall and smoked my last cigarette. I took off my jacket and slowly edged myself of the wall, shaking manically and thinking about how shocked I was that it came to this point. As I was building up the courage quickly and getting ready to go, a car pulled up behind me and the passenger spoke softly and said, ""Are you okay? Do you need help?"". I got such a shock and couldn't speak as I snapped back to reality. After a minute I hopped off the wall and quickly walked away just saying ""I'm fine thanks"". Now it's the next day and I feel like I've done something so terrible, I can't look anyone in the eye, I fear seeing my mother again. I don't know what to do anymore, and am now afraid of even myself. Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward, what I can do to stop this feeling? I feel so alone and hopeless.",4.120245614035088,4.343862585964917,4.662192982456143,89.83785087719299,70.50877192982456,7.4561403508771935,26.008771929824558,6.937597516519254,0.8700877192982448,1067,29,241,8,18,340,159,285,0.171,0.721,0.108,-0.9711,0,1,3,0,0,2,33.0,0,2,0,2,23,20,1,4,13,1,20,4,2,2,1,41,48,24,1,6,4,2,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,15,18,0,2,7,1,0,11,4,12,0,1,17,12,39,8,36,28,1,55,1,4,3,2,18,22,0,2,24,163,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514165563977714,0.0,0.0,0.11798925655124595,0.12203586034211532,0.0,0.0,0.09804361032758756,0.0,0.0,0.08012812277804307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685523469146927,0.16477829786399825,0.0,0.0,0.10489326540833233,0.0,0.0,0.11070472467604753,0.09060363745787668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476559525504828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599030079291723,0.0,0.1014864038511238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031134180988006,0.12058052148483615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565059013379526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259098283960222,0.17873445633262494,0.08417744169929033,0.0,0.12907649360305914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156106759744503,0.0,0.06696523881204439,0.0,0.09423904122720488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962856356821465,0.07897865202412667,0.0,0.0,0.1170313125946003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301520015031662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036092002707225,0.0,0.06475602965954605,0.28814038692894234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756555787417995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989471313359458,0.0,0.12862485396013448,0.0,0.2126915072549593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504682917156228,0.08661826416910626,0.0873691054792276,0.09087739957307206,0.0,0.1253130447658455,0.22115006888175176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984434080501071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341609827967169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208286828247037,0.09370277372857197,0.0,0.0,0.0938948821152484,0.0,0.0,0.13311383309997055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071093089715034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409881701519436,0.19702153077702933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848160280667964,0.0,0.0,0.07828070582206202,0.0755004068016338,0.0,0.0,0.0687073480732548,0.0,0.0,0.11259116796179568,0.13091294633262246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722170457861487,0.06949891124021981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578130314342176,0.0,0.0,0.0837027193306153,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AyReptile,2018/04/18,What's a good resource. So when every I comment on here I want to give the people resources so they can work through the problems. The only problem is the resources I can think of is New Zealand only as I live there. Is there any good international or common helplines to know about.,4.798818181818183,6.208236109090913,5.005227272727275,83.66784090909091,69.72727272727272,6.2272727272727275,31.931818181818183,5.985473137389443,1.6369090909090915,226,10,42,1,4,71,40,55,0.096,0.779,0.126,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,9,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,7,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,30,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757039531998844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000466518236853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504898734072196,0.0,0.43802974260032573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435045947332415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305735376536636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521910975146907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971866976859097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102756796645209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997127028710189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731500274532551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401520359361673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900982998495398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A-Shooting-Star,2018/04/18,"I think i'll write my suicide note After struggling for so long, i think it's finally time.",1.4163157894736818,3.6757519473684224,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,82.15789473684211,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.1981368421052632,73,3,15,1,2,24,16,19,0.36,0.64,0.0,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380099419718081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538496680156327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180041308843253,0.0,0.43736482231900137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124082298629742,0.0,0.0,0.2331524563655323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boredanddumbanddead,2018/04/18,"Nothing left hey y’all first post here on my burner account. ah well here it goes. I’m 22, f and I’m pretty done with life. I’m going to kill myself this month. 

1. I had great academic success at the beginning of college, now I’m barely scraping by, I never show up to class and I’m going to fail again. I’ve been at my local community college for 4 years almost. 

2. Unemployed because the psych hospital I used to work at got shut down due to lack of funding. I’m a social major and helping mentally ill people is truly my passion. I love connecting with people and that was taken away from me. 

3. Haven’t been able to find a job. I don’t know what it is but I’ve literally applied to over 200 jobs in the last few months. Nothing. No follow up. No interviews. Etc. 

4. Debt. Who isn’t in debt? Seriously I’m fucked and have so much fucking debt to pay off that I’ll never be able to do. 

5. Dead-end career field... social work, mental health and social services are so disgustingly underfunded I know I’m never going to get a job that makes me happy and pays well. I’m not even trying to be rich. I’m literally just wanting to be able to afford a 2 bedroom house and my bills. 

6. Relationship.. well I’m engaged to my fiancé. We’ve been on and off for 5 years or so (by our own choice) and now we’re moved in and engaged. I feel suffocated. This is the only sex experience with a guy that I’ve had in my life that has been consensual and now I’m wanting to get out and explore and be more open with my sexuality. It feels dead end. 

7. Overweight.. who isn’t overweight? Lol. Yeah I’m a fatass fuck who is too addicted to sugar to diet. I’m at the highest weight in my entire life at 386 lbs. 

8. Job promise that didn’t work out. I applied for a residential care assistant at a mental health facility that deals with women and children that have been affected with addiction. I had an amazing interview, passed my background check and my drug test as well. They said that once I get my case work hours they would start me on full time as a case manager at a good salary. I was so fucking happy!! Then they called me and told me “we found someone else who will work for a dollar less than what you requested”. I was crushed!! I told them that it’s no problem and that I’ll work for $10 an hour instead of $11. Well, nope, the new lady was already starting and got on as a case worker and RCA. fuck me right. 

Basically I plan to kill myself sometime this month. Everything is eating my alive. Medication doesn’t help. Nothing helps. No one. My fucking soul is empty and I feel absolutely nothing. I plan to slit my wrists in the bathroom and bleed out. I’ve struggled for this for so long and I’m done. 

Should I make a will for my loved ones? I don’t have anything super expensive or really valuable but eh, why not? ",0.4139939550949912,2.7699548618307444,2.7497042314335083,89.67167206390329,88.46459412780656,5.4964594127806565,20.995034542314336,6.996647511020387,0.6432454231433509,2191,75,462,33,72,746,282,579,0.127,0.711,0.162,0.9655,11,0,1,0,0,2,80.0,2,2,4,13,20,34,9,1,22,3,41,29,1,4,3,63,92,36,3,6,7,0,4,0,0,4,14,1,1,3,25,34,6,0,8,1,12,7,17,13,6,3,22,6,49,21,70,62,9,66,1,1,0,10,33,33,6,3,25,276,74,27,0.1903124716755844,0.0,0.0,0.13831245686817806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352348326784024,0.0,0.07000484830446888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052203649505170216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596016106142293,0.0,0.0,0.03867090543897917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477677059690326,0.0,0.06467874951153592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540126723497962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983715573532112,0.0,0.0,0.0735673489775904,0.06491239002825405,0.05299388324065553,0.0,0.1123735747801832,0.0,0.07074957091607033,0.04189986422068522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701352604100057,0.062054038466303765,0.0,0.0,0.0962277039291348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798071710345259,0.05395989706202696,0.0,0.06955593405274832,0.0,0.35188162681952984,0.09943041159289476,0.0,0.10815896340586544,0.053208357309139725,0.10147351264940978,0.06994005729479245,0.0,0.06281308928100078,0.0,0.13506077662979385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486217198584002,0.0,0.0,0.1275624381494132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494629938157527,0.07319834682402122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518076832558647,0.0,0.14036836851367612,0.0,0.06972717155452746,0.051710021694277145,0.0,0.0,0.06892501910743308,0.0,0.13442332695290374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614018288288768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450962398812956,0.0,0.08469003509600946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390659777522242,0.19179020947794032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519055992045625,0.06742401301177567,0.046633854771733305,0.0,0.14678071054793626,0.06126832368545095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434799324379576,0.0,0.0,0.06755885706911295,0.08597377075523698,0.048247070172566464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795913685662489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075558021302156,0.06453873408755385,0.0,0.060701111044274024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063968086157595,0.0,0.0,0.06810812404176403,0.0,0.054175270320423435,0.0603435805603257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939995982585675,0.05375037988780303,0.0,0.06274130025481774,0.0,0.08980276465659644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631863888766401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699091089546312,0.0,0.0,0.12123448156521485,0.0,0.04306989194299566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054789623778441404,0.0,0.0,0.07483415108025099,0.0,0.0,0.0772497733408281,0.2851896127422965,0.0,0.0572424681586128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770994919808472,0.0,0.0,0.045064173182256737,0.0,0.0,0.08170332807973002
suicidewatch,Endlesslylostinlife,2018/04/18,"I want the pain to stop. At a young age I realized I was born with depression, but it wasn't until I was a teenager that I really discovered what it meant. My first attempt was at age 17. My second attempt was at age 21. My second attempt should have worked. BAC was much much higher then what the standard limit is for coma and death. Clearly I failed. 

Every girl I've ever been in a relationship with has cheated on me with their ex and always had some terribly lame excuse. Its not because I was bad to them or did them wrong in someway. Honestly they could never really explain why they did it when each relationship I had always treated them like they were my world (because every time I was in a relationship they were my world or at least they're supposed to be right?). They always told me they regretted it more then anything because I never deserved it. 

My family and friends have always said I care a lot about people and that I have a heart of gold which is probably why I ended up in the field of work that I am in. I always selflessly help people and I always want to help my friends and family better their lives however I can, but all I've ever wanted in my life was to not hurt and feel so alone and to feel loved like someone truly gave a shit about me. 

In the past when I attempted my friends and family just tried to make me feel guilty for doing what I did and I always tried to explain, but they never seemed able to comprehend how I felt. I have been living every day since my second attempt feeling as though I am only here because they have guilt tripped me into feeling like I have to be here.

I don't want to continue feeling like my purpose in life is to feel miserable so that others don't have to.
Most recently my latest relationship came to a very unexpected end( last Thursday) when someone who I don't know sent me messages and screenshots showing and explaining how my girlfriend had cheated on me two days after new years and then again as recently as the weekend before I found out. She constantly has been telling me since that she doesn't know why she did it, but that she feels so sorry and terrible for making me feel the way she does. She was the one girl who I basically fell in love with from the moment I met her and even after she said she fell in love with me had ended up cheating on me. She also constantly tells me that she loves me so much that it hurts and she will do anything to fix this situation and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and that's all she wants.

So now I'm sitting here contemplating my third time being the charm because I'm just so tired of dealing with all of this. I'm miserable alone and my mind eats at me, but yet when I finally feel like life is turning around to make things better for me it simply just finds a way to make things worse. My heart is broken, my mind is defeated and my soul is crushed. I just want this pain to stop.",7.997543230836945,5.96299626485569,7.9833125825316,76.68073885430424,63.43123938879457,11.102835942903855,34.378482047412426,9.633347757342033,2.9479888197195496,2316,74,469,35,27,752,242,589,0.161,0.688,0.151,-0.9257,1,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,13,13,30,38,4,3,19,0,54,16,3,6,9,100,100,48,1,10,13,1,11,5,4,2,8,2,0,2,31,32,1,3,21,2,1,5,10,20,0,7,33,13,92,18,67,61,13,81,1,9,0,4,61,26,1,6,52,345,123,3,0.05781569945601965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197592566675649,0.0,0.04623519396674202,0.3367510542656829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951547888709026,0.05146823015595309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827369408239678,0.17621956881234244,0.0,0.049196901909596163,0.0,0.0,0.10226657565173704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612575789960927,0.05894695880979218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249564634168714,0.0,0.046161131509349834,0.0,0.0,0.07457268635130672,0.05960544746031232,0.04979657722329541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059490820708605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915989424870052,0.0,0.0,0.1536226473278161,0.0,0.0,0.038186724217853005,0.10459522033846128,0.14613666108710166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635104879449582,0.0,0.2923335481236066,0.12391064173051025,0.05551213819019014,0.0633342727450063,0.052842501883092925,0.04917800442212655,0.0,0.06339193027924409,0.13400479794503198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702376445424555,0.0775052892854603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378580408081423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354799281972758,0.047127511615269485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633477533566058,0.14122915185214446,0.0,0.10210464370476413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915284016853002,0.20872370413868788,0.0,0.1543697133326279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675475009465365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275035743794445,0.0,0.13377309493588818,0.055838762807050565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03917741423346145,0.04397144471149951,0.12303996106220826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519162711352542,0.08016425265469257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233510263585965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407643505424134,0.0,0.11417205654973285,0.24828969717703145,0.0,0.049374291435825904,0.10999193968926274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263324137894782,0.0,0.0,0.059346984657678174,0.09565148808194487,0.06498726857141443,0.0,0.0,0.09797410906009853,0.0,0.0,0.0647199420999823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667302712176627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010669393093367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768203634110584,0.0,0.05680363116919965,0.0,0.0674255985886879,0.06645064149172443,0.0,0.05524537846759558,0.0,0.07850612961690437,0.06288687881211646,0.056477537418828674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047704007001089545,0.2387083824459671,0.09178282225778447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650902830680566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418103557127894,0.0,0.058919137079072974,0.0,0.06321239129460489,0.0,0.03723141488751097
suicidewatch,jijikilja,2018/04/18,"When it's happened What things will make it easier for my family to tidy up loose ends after I am gone?
What can I do to ease the logistics of losing someone? ",4.66090909090909,4.6781903939393965,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,69.30303030303031,10.236363636363636,25.59090909090909,10.125756701596842,2.2456181818181817,125,3,26,3,2,43,29,33,0.134,0.711,0.155,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843049052443026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090404876440307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836946333204707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854209572845764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896303332556092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676404295232964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882625999002765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Amyblaze,2018/04/18,"Afraid to break up because i dont want to kill myself Me (f22) and my boyfriend (23) have been dating for a whole whopping 6 years. Even after 6 years i STILL cant shake this feeling that i can't trust him. We first met in freshman(2011) year and started dating by the beginning of junior year but had broken up because he had cheated on me (this happened 6 years ago and i STILL think about it). However stupid me took him back after only 3 months and have been dating since, until two years(2016) ago in march he dumped me and then came crawlimg back and called me  2 weeks later to ""say what happened in those 2 weeks and would understand if i didnt want him back"". In those two weeks he told me that he jad gotten a blowjob and that he fingered another girl, and that it was going to lead to sex but he stopped before it could go any farther. In those two weeks i didnt want to get out of bed, i hated myself, i felt like i had no purpose because i had planned my whole life around him. I never believed i could get depression amd as STUPID and pathetic as it sounds i wanted to kill myself if i couldnt have him. So i took him back AGAIN. And now the paranoia is building up and i cant live like this, i love him so fucking much but i dont trust him. And im so sad just typing this all out because i feel like i need alot of help. Im mexican so my family doesn't really believe in medication or therapy I suffer from social anxiety so even if they did id be to shy to go see one. I want to end the relationship but i know my life will have no meaning if he's not in it. I guess what im trying to say is how do i build the courage to end a relationship ive gotten really comfortable with, without killing myself after.",4.3101456554495226,4.2637244143646456,5.3002009040683085,86.37010045203421,70.04972375690608,8.349773982923152,28.05675539929684,8.00094639256281,1.5353436464088397,1346,42,299,16,22,444,177,362,0.18600000000000005,0.7020000000000001,0.111,-0.9814,2,0,0,0,0,3,31.0,1,0,1,3,19,22,9,2,8,0,30,7,1,2,2,55,64,32,3,14,12,0,4,3,0,2,3,3,1,1,18,19,0,1,7,0,0,8,14,14,0,5,18,8,50,8,41,40,5,61,0,3,1,3,28,15,1,7,40,199,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038371679392606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384785074418355,0.08303135194043249,0.06057556059818836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049056815450151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435505027480198,0.0,0.19307938101441047,0.0,0.06737977110424491,0.1784265553583572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085574043965743,0.09056542705794464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264439976618223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820108268699805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856061696498189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402670820261191,0.0,0.0,0.10460060032837064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464764936567203,0.0,0.08007564214045879,0.05656908160954297,0.07602907946592947,0.0,0.0,0.06735388922285149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320435299421074,0.08274076727898037,0.0,0.1350063146214508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723012824490571,0.0,0.14004433945679398,0.0,0.0,0.0781778288572448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307538126098912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565969975557664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628161669506544,0.0,0.043517468012475004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186003390808942,0.11605594119561402,0.0,0.06992094272673645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146667200070023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625461426769987,0.0,0.07976957224758592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063203931427037,0.0,0.05820936768502949,0.05871394946478711,0.06107159981503098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365714305257738,0.060223017401140215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014546250766996,0.0,0.0,0.1700280130857938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594062606530407,0.0,0.0,0.06309941406951412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550184180891197,0.0,0.0,0.08071813922207911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604685879620348,0.0,0.12647292556382972,0.0662013885690281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055383086694983,0.0,0.0,0.050737924409400566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566372700773437,0.17595272546512358,0.05376075360992809,0.0,0.23205385274899765,0.08243336016291107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335239407587938,0.0,0.2540665866827971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681226694934074,0.0,0.07633057215515843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056250057796590966,0.0,0.0,0.25495957221224314
suicidewatch,PickRiiiick,2018/04/18,We all thought of it I thought at some point where I just want to die to see if someone really cares or distant myself from people I am usually around with so that they'd know what the feeling is without me around and find out whether I'm worth something to them And theres that time where you just want to be straightforward  and honest to them and ask them direcly whether am i really significant or important to them but you just cant bring myself to it because i dont want to get emotional with anyone. Well im just here releasing my sad thoughts for a meantime even knowing that it will comeback sooner or later.,9.939756097560977,6.8026870406504045,9.161723577235774,73.1928292682927,60.707317073170735,12.766829268292685,41.67317073170732,10.793553405168565,4.262998048780489,498,21,98,9,5,158,83,123,0.054000000000000006,0.797,0.149,0.5824,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,1,2,5,0,13,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,34,23,12,1,4,12,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,7,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,3,2,17,3,18,17,2,11,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,5,3,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258065295199557,0.0,0.0,0.3203397015771967,0.16820396386021472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096795516658712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183443758769195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673194167384646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086872525339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238945484095253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883761888733645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097460830026972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644466035895399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400247931156816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943479999632871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977622408427306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473613671361575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008564069252408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052690006316034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433755465583753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244839760131876,0.1385137187800551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42851692166002814,0.104914702065318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816005578207704,0.0,0.31837020803907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177262213162302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734396057909958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Roswell99,2018/04/18,"I ruined my life and I want to be fucking dead I ruined the only career goal I had by being forced into the hospital and that record's never fucking going away so now I'm done being alive all my goals and motivation are gone
 I wanted to work in law enforcement but I ended up fucking it all up when I told someone at my school last year that I wanted to die for a couple reasons and ended up in the fucking hospital twice I'm 19 and ruined fucking everything because I'm fucking stupid and just a waste of space, everything I've tried turning rad on the internet about it says I'm screwed and they won't want me now",4.747656249999999,5.042540953125002,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,69.15625,8.5875,30.0625,8.472884824447931,2.229809375,494,18,96,7,8,168,79,128,0.232,0.723,0.045,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,4,6,11,8,0,6,0,7,8,0,2,3,20,25,10,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,11,0,1,4,1,13,0,16,17,2,20,0,3,0,7,3,10,7,0,8,63,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455419674921092,0.0,0.0,0.08081364773331846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466865577627565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758708096255354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135665483484051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348359414844665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23829134369673186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.735354849099473,0.0,0.0,0.0753427783209863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806251961381236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363835048767544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224641757254764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082571609922483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630438729569885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054252539725664,0.0,0.13416825991736353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232641740543706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667663938981974,0.0,0.09000655753679257,0.1441984595020277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31277368115231713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651278516246724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537095135377504
suicidewatch,pharrt,2018/04/18,"Urgent - can someone with experience help this guy please? Not sure how to crosspost or report this kind of thing, but can someone who knows what to do doing please help this guy:
https://www.reddit.com/r/humblebundles/comments/8d3ali/support/

I don't know if a rant or he needs real help. Please help!
",9.003125,12.235316395833333,5.806666666666668,74.80500000000002,62.125,6.466666666666668,22.416666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.6318166666666669,249,5,39,2,4,68,35,48,0.024,0.5760000000000001,0.4,0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,12,8,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,0,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714851809939937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471656076016193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700218999384057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255664343679576,0.19268974155034746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998890175006006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5773076906272951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199539253859132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970763499481504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893780984440396,0.16522602173336265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646706146543613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamtryingtosurvive,2018/04/18,"desperate - I just want to be heard I am so desperate and suffocated, I feel like suicide is my only way to escape it. 

Up until I met my boyfriend, life was pretty shitty for me. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive, were controlling (at the age of 17, I wasn't allowed to leave the house unless I was going to school, I wasn't even allowed on the internet unless it was for school work), and they also had a multitude of issues of their own. This included my dad's infidelity, their recurring suicide attempts that I've witnessed ever since I can remember, them abusing each other, fighting and keeping me up all night as a kid, my mother's numerous miscarriages which happened when I was 4-7. The one she had when I was 7 was a stillborn baby, and that really fucked me and my family up. On top of this, my grandparents are also violent and abusive, and when my mum was pregnant with me they gave her barely anything to eat (they used to live in a joint family in India before moving to Australia), and she was probably hit too.

So I guess, it's no surprise that I have mental illnesses. Last year, with the help of my boyfriend and without letting my parents find out, I finally saw a counsellor and then a psychologist, who diagnosed me with ptsd, severe depression, and severe anxiety. I was somewhat relieved because it gave a name to a struggle I had experienced for so long. The fear I felt when talking to people, the paranoia I experienced every time someone was slightly intimidating, the random flashbacks that made me feel like I should die, and just the way I felt lifeless and withdrawn all the time. When he found out the diagnosis, my boyfriend promised to help me get better. He would stay up on nights with me where I just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. Whenever my parents would hit me he would give me reasons to live. He made life worth living, because before he came along, I had never had anyone love or care for me. While my parents performed basic duties like giving me food and a roof to live under, they never cared much about my emotional wellbeing, and rather, treated me like a punching bag - an outlet for all the stress and anger they cause each other, and all the problems they had of their own. It was so nice to know what ""true"" love is like, to finally be important to someone.

But that all changed. I was, and am, mentally unwell. I am also suicidal. While it was easy for my boyfriend to care for me at the beginning, it gets harder and harder everyday. I completely understand that it sucks being a caretaker, and I've apologised countless times for putting him in the position. I never wanted to burden him.

But I'm just not getting better. I've tried medicines and therapy, but I still want to kill myself. I'm not being selfish, I love him and I love my family despite everything that has happened and I do not want to cause anyone any pain, but what do I do about the voice that makes me feel like I should die? What do I do about the random suicide compulsions I get? It is so hard to fight them.

Anyways, over the past few months, my boyfriend has started to hate me. He has told me he hates me because I'm selfish, can't look after myself, am immature, and have no self-respect (because I won't leave him despite how he treats me sometimes). This always sends me down a spiral because I truly think he forgets about how fragile and broken I really am. He's still here though, and he still says he loves me, but he doesn't mean it. Maybe he's just scared I'll kill myself if he leaves, which I'm not going to lie, might be a possibility. It makes me sick that he is here only because of that. How disgusting of a human being am I? I would literally rather die than force someone to be with me. Which is why after yet another argument last night I took a bunch of sleeping pills and hoped it would be enough to die. I survived, but my boyfriend is mad at me again. He says he doesn't care for me anymore, and I'm guessing I won't hear from him again.
 I don't really care about my life either. I'm in med and on my way to becoming a doctor, but I realised that if I'm not mentally well, I can't treat others either. I have no purpose here, and I want to try to kill myself again today. Thanks reddit for helping me put my restless mind at ease by giving me a voice, and allowing me to share my story. ",6.576484520469728,6.157709100350058,7.107741006479808,76.58042230442662,65.34772462077012,10.140758211474964,33.75329576205964,9.637300506268012,3.0608264306462423,3437,133,656,61,47,1132,354,857,0.185,0.7070000000000001,0.108,-0.998,7,0,0,0,4,6,107.0,0,0,11,8,45,54,13,5,38,0,72,19,2,15,10,133,144,66,11,19,27,7,7,6,0,10,9,6,0,2,36,43,2,3,13,0,1,9,21,24,1,1,36,17,119,30,92,87,16,78,0,1,2,6,72,23,2,10,48,470,155,5,0.0,0.17246431106554888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640395085602083,0.040372412903482084,0.0,0.0,0.03299517069156526,0.050877306933590535,0.037117562429181496,0.0,0.04811866647030055,0.06785243277629907,0.0,0.03992771313057563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774635490242025,0.05358637672760583,0.08257365959896923,0.0,0.0,0.08582375188722617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549379749114987,0.24734617029841924,0.09968652952919978,0.05132758160353044,0.0,0.05087215327977277,0.0,0.054419152139204965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041790086948830116,0.04924663966150123,0.20142383019321247,0.0,0.0,0.04966213579516245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964793289809125,0.0,0.10915663067431848,0.0,0.05013398870845337,0.0,0.03204691194334794,0.04388899394406085,0.04088007726486029,0.0,0.043606524331258084,0.0,0.13722062618128766,0.054598335257067664,0.07359930185179744,0.10398779957472502,0.09317335491879,0.10630227668003482,0.0443462758170276,0.0,0.05867041099527096,0.053199525468278205,0.0,0.0448558315518374,0.10139850344225387,0.1396340214485533,0.05514991262494162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690019865644056,0.0,0.08581190931308516,0.0,0.04346426702119751,0.0958066393288462,0.0,0.0,0.05468541197452397,0.0,0.0975655243444643,0.0,0.0,0.0481911718562674,0.0,0.0559854075591486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050642131168896785,0.0,0.04312668363262305,0.16104011894989953,0.0,0.026665247828697062,0.07910032849256858,0.0,0.15412658776699345,0.0,0.049614847290773034,0.10281304252687448,0.1422261255221285,0.0,0.1713757119959353,0.04293855196893829,0.040744464922930664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189553537265292,0.0918213351598132,0.06477477069868358,0.0,0.04874472394740709,0.05285235494761674,0.05389462982932574,0.0,0.14668982988497364,0.051471907166554934,0.04899123022316848,0.0,0.0387280917806795,0.051568935795949566,0.0356676821093568,0.0,0.11226452861843736,0.0,0.0,0.13659781394262852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03287831490716945,0.07380308447784657,0.05162855519078665,0.0,0.21550226391713007,0.0,0.046317699418960204,0.03363756381894845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469885534642741,0.0,0.0493621439283309,0.05231261874557474,0.04642695618901034,0.0567171234356947,0.09755172728436877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324920007738786,0.049886500188035435,0.0,0.0,0.054963546454564326,0.0,0.0,0.07716988508545357,0.04857684727242876,0.09820938351860596,0.0,0.0,0.050616798950955715,0.10962726923500564,0.0,0.04013613210607865,0.0,0.048554903515658165,0.0,0.12333216753019015,0.0,0.047987385206958916,0.0,0.034342608797743736,0.05171571823898702,0.11624407592417065,0.0,0.05557933919322314,0.050723495652437736,0.0,0.2122914203406881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899842802051216,0.0,0.04467057104801921,0.05548669194662103,0.0,0.0,0.03108956909677102,0.047670519098642485,0.0,0.0848769669940293,0.0,0.04599115689351372,0.04636280841812167,0.05390735312676312,0.06588360416811491,0.0,0.0,0.050510888580791134,0.0,0.04190558325890822,0.0,0.0,0.17170963400211084,0.11553842662807025,0.0,0.0,0.0436251838839988,0.0,0.043781629621447084,0.0,0.0,0.046771416545651714,0.0,0.03532303816978588,0.0,0.0,0.17233559304216114,0.0,0.0,0.031245201018538706
suicidewatch,Dcarnys,2018/04/18,"I'm not about to kill myself, I am looking for reasons why though. Over the past few years,, I've screwed everything up. I screwed up school, I have massive student loan debt (with nothing to show for it). I've become a shut in, I somehow found love, threw it away, and now she's knocked up with some other motherfuckers (random tinder match) kid.  I've been smoking a lot of marijuana, and lately, been drinking a lot. I just like myself better when I'm intoxicated. Even if it kills me, it seems better than the alternative. I don't know if I'm technically suicidal, I just feel completely disillusioned with life. It doesn't seem worth it. I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself though, at least quickly. 

I've been seeking help but it seems pointless somewhat, all they want is my money anyways. I honestly miss her, even though I drove her away, all I wanted was her to reach out to me. I know I'm fucked up, and I trusted you with that knowledge. I'm usually pretty private. I wish I didn't, but I still love her, I miss the way she felt in my arms, the way she smelled, I miss your beautiful smile. Even though you've shown your true colors (and I'm almost sure you think less of me now), I'd still go back. Even after everyone tried to warn me you weren't worth it. All I want is you. 

I'm sorry for rambling, plus I have no intention of killing myself in the near (or even intermediate future). I have attempted before, and I feel like I'm looking for any reason to give up.  Sorry if I'm incoherent, I'm somewhat inebriated. ",3.0130293159609134,4.638871058631924,4.38161042345277,85.5206371335505,74.57003257328991,7.2572768729641695,25.960781758957648,7.976525956113202,1.445577563517916,1193,42,248,18,25,395,160,307,0.129,0.691,0.18,0.9606,2,0,1,0,0,3,53.0,0,6,1,3,22,20,7,0,9,0,14,9,1,3,5,51,51,17,5,7,9,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,11,1,0,13,2,5,3,6,10,0,0,10,7,45,10,37,41,12,33,0,3,3,5,19,15,3,15,15,161,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315933266990664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326578083702665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481554805368296,0.07153680470370599,0.0,0.0,0.1027478838521574,0.07916441924082987,0.0,0.0,0.1645606482313677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754356266835393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911371389122224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30723782678136546,0.0,0.0,0.08889722995492079,0.08361226063034406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408078421012296,0.0664629519990229,0.0893264821577292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200612539247453,0.0,0.0860077141212239,0.0,0.08924594330219311,0.052872923706417815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623582072876339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117099021022308,0.0,0.10225725096955512,0.0,0.10494552604732807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571211563551567,0.0909026654303953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624895001952574,0.0,0.0,0.15818703596943445,0.16793222925192994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839012231181324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926788510949547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881073681077542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946482322703632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130729264142604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415458692286688,0.0,0.2540818521977345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828614936201345,0.0,0.0,0.14859290166568287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176324437297472,0.0,0.08768271022188813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961193179390713,0.3656186709108899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316345050942422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246294980224854,0.0,0.16462021327200865,0.1476908817078288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394801197456525,0.0,0.1069836133480402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059910344405432636
suicidewatch,anxiouslyawaiting613,2018/04/18,"I kept it together for awhile, but I am without a doubt actively suicidal again. I have severe panic disorder, I've been trying to find the right medication for most of my life. Am having a hard time getting benzodiazepines, my doctor thinks I'm addicted. Probably am. I can barely go to work. Every day I'm either in a state of panic or trying not to end up in one. Happens anyways. I really don't wanna die, but I think it's better than living this way and being a burden to my family and few friends I still have. I'll never be successful. I've always been focused on staying afloat rather than moving forward because it was exhausting enough to try to keep myself calm enough to go about my life. I graduated high school and that's about the only accomplishment I've ever had. And the only reason I did that is because if I didn't I wouldn't have had a place to live. Same reason I force myself to go to work. But that's gonna end soon too. The boss is starting to notice I can't handle it. And I really don't say much about it, it's just obvious I'm a mess all the time. Everyone in my life has done a really great job of supporting me, but they shouldn't have to. I'm not gonna get better.. there's no point to it honestly. I don't want sympathy or anything, I just felt like I had to tell someone about it. Sorry for the wall of text, I didn't plan on writing this much and just kinda kept going. I hope you all have a great day/evening. ",2.5631567328918337,3.946004493377487,4.634056291390731,84.25099613686534,75.25827814569537,7.814790286975717,23.179359823399558,8.472884824447931,1.3825757174392939,1135,32,237,21,24,392,159,302,0.133,0.7,0.166,0.9489,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,1,1,7,15,17,0,3,14,0,31,7,0,3,5,46,54,13,2,7,15,0,2,1,1,4,7,1,0,0,13,6,0,3,6,0,0,6,13,6,0,1,13,3,29,11,35,35,10,31,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,7,13,161,42,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947384691280164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355841900238684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263802789166434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243156915478773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762864552322102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295266335573798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422127134552836,0.0,0.11509130717100262,0.10278527471831418,0.0,0.1027656744186744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788661702762934,0.20752372887777387,0.0,0.06632720472508359,0.09083665507777353,0.08460912735420204,0.0959566865916669,0.0,0.0,0.09466809762429798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642002632806312,0.0,0.09178308724755488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758511061538166,0.0,0.10493178419999827,0.0,0.2282865538939557,0.0,0.0,0.2214292855099811,0.0,0.0,0.08880206752714499,0.0,0.08995760159471683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610043007611453,0.0,0.0997408339156939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996524694608402,0.08925890829892134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279122719043225,0.04906068828845864,0.0,0.1773473830264138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116371670312373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673176148888268,0.1476421601880784,0.0,0.07745096091425148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433011425624325,0.0,0.0,0.06804795194365848,0.15274957856027896,0.0,0.23564510207789455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491870011148158,0.0,0.0949304203217438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827095538492926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929970286970821,0.20649927935890064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575909045083549,0.0,0.07985890771195672,0.0,0.10163153782302176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344728538674995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508649173877976,0.0,0.0,0.11241322573184134,0.07107858780740416,0.1070355557878967,0.08019643864106167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984440968296136,0.11395670046983625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777248784505544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869160173320196,0.0,0.0,0.11711272891044144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045380523438544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059230980236413634,0.07970961331231337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680237914934384,0.0,0.14621554727900374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,santoro_2017,2018/04/18,"I just wanna stop everything! Have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on anymore? 
Like you don’t care about anything anymore.
You’ve lost your motivations to do anything.
You are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel.
You have that feeling of emptiness, and the feeling that no one is there for you. That feeling that no one understands you anymore.
And seems like there is nothing nothing to look forward to anymore.",3.6283398692810462,6.453546552941179,3.5027450980392167,86.77124183006538,77.58823529411767,5.189542483660131,31.79738562091503,6.42735559955562,1.8625816993464053,367,19,63,3,9,111,49,85,0.14800000000000002,0.69,0.162,0.1007,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,11,0,2,7,6,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,2,1,20,23,4,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,11,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,2,7,12,4,9,21,0,5,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,2,6,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178360932019485,0.0,0.0,0.2563327716730146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879429204460732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088194115738326,0.0,0.0,0.13997522483072633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937514313924614,0.0,0.1495413989420149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851452319873987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559439481200272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282701293220527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307881269066582,0.0,0.1700160832957578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988866033321998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107619062808666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417860814457243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302113392409643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213796201198002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quicksteam9,2018/04/18,"I will never get over my ex Every single day, my first thought is about her and the fact that she no longer loves me, that she's moved on and wants nothing to do with me. 

The only thought that brings me comfort any more is buying a gun, going over to her house, knocking on her door so I can see her perfect face one more time, then blowing my head off. 

I cannot see a life for myself. Because the truth is I never had a life in the first place. I never had anything going for me except her. She was my whole world, my reason for being alive and now she's gone. I have nothing. I am nothing. I will only ever be nothing. 


I will never get over her. I will never have a good life, I will never find happiness. I can't bear the pain of such a lonely and empty existence. I have nothing to look forward to, there is no love in my future, only solitude and darkness. Being alive has become too painful. I would give anything to be able to die quickly and painlessly to put an end to this pointless suffering. I never asked to be alive, I never asked for this pain. I want to go back to before I was born - no pain, no loneliness, just an infinity of nothing. 

I don't even want to wait to get a gun. I can't be alive any more. Im just going to get drunk and hang myself in the bathroom with a couple towels. Housekeeping is supposed to be here in the morning but it should be impossible to resuscitate me by then. I hope someone takes care of my cat, whoever it is they can't possibly be worse than me. ",2.3641290322580666,3.777213606451614,4.015032258064519,88.36254838709681,75.83870967741936,6.379354838709678,24.01290322580645,6.918507183188421,0.7961832258064514,1158,36,246,11,25,388,150,310,0.093,0.7809999999999999,0.126,0.9073,1,2,0,2,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,3,13,15,0,0,16,0,38,12,2,1,12,36,65,11,1,6,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,0,7,9,1,1,4,1,1,10,17,6,0,3,7,3,47,9,39,42,5,43,0,2,3,2,17,13,0,1,22,189,54,0,0.07889911573438015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730820853068243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298544992181042,0.0,0.1475200452278368,0.0,0.0,0.060668549847971535,0.0,0.04809616863656215,0.08713787453991872,0.06713733629549702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044290684161731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730037087492631,0.0,0.0508834024876852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188482556838017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988119804240732,0.0,0.0,0.0521121218272755,0.07136876724136926,0.06647590789717375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211236240322366,0.1342230950760636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488612612120904,0.0756872211777422,0.1793607428107354,0.06617683493480657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398957582234329,0.0,0.0,0.08097325513891449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836462443596733,0.0,0.09103898635942112,0.0,0.0,0.0852245841493665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671863363017563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625538596681077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241906475484345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385727365719854,0.0,0.0,0.4868148962444235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542349768083384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534640827467805,0.18001899853894865,0.3358168877706121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243278312166233,0.0,0.0,0.08894689818053518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931540339504385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112143160411217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574476027470205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685096472443229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932231591614831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527416955269696,0.0460067088745984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961022799721395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808804506757395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040493947336615,0.056047668091483836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vanens,2018/04/18,"Fucked my life up something fierce Won't bore you with the details; I'm really a fairly average case here: Dysfunctional, abusive family, multiple mental illnesses, wasted academic potential, and the like. Tried to take my leave of it all when I was 13 but could't follow through. It looks like antidepressants can only do so much for me, as my father and his brother have never really been able to overcome their problems either. I've already decided against ever having kids because I could never live with myself if they inherited all this from me, so it's not like I have the idyll of domestic bliss holding me back.

I'm so sorry to my family. I have such bone-deep regret. I could have -should have- been a better son. Sometimes I dream of another life, or really another me, a me who wasn’t at war with myself, and all the things I could've achieved then. But ultimately it's just that: a dream.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. If anyone reads it, I hope it motivates you to attend closely to your own mental health, as well as that of your loved ones. Maybe this could've been prevented if I took action sooner.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.",4.533465818759937,6.194510216216216,5.502040275569687,78.87488871224167,70.7117117117117,8.827133015368311,27.923688394276628,9.325443323948027,2.5197866454689986,916,33,167,20,17,301,137,222,0.112,0.7,0.187,0.9664,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,4,2,3,10,15,2,0,8,0,19,6,0,1,7,35,30,17,1,9,10,3,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,13,7,0,2,2,3,1,4,6,5,1,1,6,1,27,10,22,18,6,13,0,1,1,2,14,3,1,5,9,120,40,4,0.12412274032467613,0.14706515058404218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697253045574348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603070313830397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678950603247461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544272567015737,0.0,0.07566407043629886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977647708967372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955095409497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227612478466166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402374587421315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474947334297178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321309651285956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193666872412158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328188774957195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314280600949522,0.0,0.0,0.17534312447369535,0.1819203037225504,0.0,0.10960265374070882,0.0,0.10423184076176076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202561921835172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469797588635692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25017305653436783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912444958841829,0.0,0.1914622185252221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410878116576864,0.09440093720180788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876869934847825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241563297009896,0.0,0.23854861738919986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555574959036768,0.12276056399135668,0.1389452457150508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169842138237134,0.0,0.09332485345852813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246163333690562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790493156861972,0.0842711930497956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160125009373738,0.0,0.11200146708577323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jinramon,2018/04/18,"Girl got my emotions every where I've been talking to this girl for a few months and she just brings me on a rollercoaster of emotions. I get so happy when I talk to her but when she doesn't respond in days, I just feel a bit broken inside. I really like this girl and she is always on my mind. I feel like she is toying around with my emotions but I don't know what to do. She is a person that is very flirty and has a lot of guys messaging her. I don't get angry, but I get really sad or just numb. I haven't like anyone in over 3 years and I don't know what to do. She gets upset if I don't respond to her quickly, but she takes forever to respond herself. I don't know her intention. Any advice would help a lot. Thanks for reading.",0.37881249999999866,2.2241862562500003,2.617500000000004,94.10750000000002,83.3125,5.5,18.75,6.6274283507984215,-0.040250000000000334,571,14,132,6,16,194,82,160,0.093,0.74,0.16699999999999998,0.8999,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,6,0,16,1,0,1,0,25,29,13,0,2,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,6,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,2,28,5,17,26,4,14,0,1,0,0,24,7,0,4,9,93,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462968857457039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457242149674505,0.0,0.0,0.10180933006340596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468214861960436,0.0,0.0,0.1332754682019291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344678708056293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655188898501928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052177276857632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613886190137666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139782494657406,0.10695432076445137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128734747696529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973840545018374,0.0,0.0,0.14823847042513527,0.0,0.15937126458200931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034883350706114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468334874935195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194252409281122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254559667859794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116649568592533,0.0,0.11949873257764415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072279024552608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975256747008606,0.0,0.19181874983206304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256483215831346,0.2406657548408609,0.0,0.13783474419519265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352812305598465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635114718886672,0.0,0.0,0.09640965379842892
suicidewatch,AdmirablePomegranate,2018/04/18,"I've finally set a date in stone I'm tired of bouncing back and forth between whether or not I should do it. I've been on and off suicidal for what, 8 years now? The only difference between 8 years ago and now is I know how to kill myself more effectively. So, I'll do it in two years. In two years, I'll have accomplished what I've been working for my whole life. Then I'm going to go out while I'm still on a high note. Before it gets too bad. I suck at everything else, so after I finish this, there's nothing else for me. Humans are social creatures, and I am godawful at that. What is the point of life if I can't connect with anyone? I try, but I don't fit. I get left out, forgotten. I'm so damn socially anxious, that I come across as cold and uncaring. I know I'm not an awful person. I'm just not good enough. Knowing that nothing will matter in two years is a relief.",1.135581977471844,2.7912966382978763,3.2846433041301637,91.21029411764708,79.95744680851064,6.551188986232791,22.229036295369205,7.5105763829236425,0.7560565707133917,680,21,155,10,17,232,113,188,0.155,0.7829999999999999,0.063,-0.9302,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,11,6,3,0,6,1,14,3,0,2,0,24,29,16,2,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,4,0,3,2,1,14,2,24,25,3,36,0,0,0,0,4,16,2,2,16,99,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638737570771655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832888421103674,0.0,0.09180631529859433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009597285016587,0.10962798847866184,0.0,0.0,0.11172456341388164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131012325634917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717801767891447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936454766306349,0.0,0.0,0.13566549012969614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800179177155992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438300725638034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371951247277432,0.0,0.1492388720630771,0.11012617418513328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872309375980255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526131027883452,0.0,0.2164731358488554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265519636019636,0.0,0.1854787163421508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519671232703249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985772014866792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464397565627778,0.0,0.0,0.12411864484906895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26768268031707704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485441075804598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361823352184508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090724458377228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914243292067338,0.0,0.3847759492501097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658905044788198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558619630370528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227566586644034
suicidewatch,-El-Zilcho-,2018/04/18,"I'm tired It's been a year since she died. I found the love of my life and she fucking died in my arms. Every day has been the same since, and time has such little meaning that it may as well have happened yesterday. My best friend. A life full of potential, and then.... gone. I'm so tired of other's happiness being dependent on my successful wading of this shit show, but I can't die either. And I don't want to, I can't add any more pain to her memory. But I just can't stop thinking. ",1.4215277777777793,2.9532181826923107,3.212820512820514,92.60995726495727,78.71153846153845,6.92991452991453,20.20940170940171,7.793537801064563,0.5289158119658115,377,9,88,6,9,126,70,104,0.156,0.664,0.18,0.4124,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,2,0,4,0,11,9,2,1,0,17,21,9,3,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,4,0,12,6,9,15,5,11,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,2,6,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146499218753034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692934191823634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872939171833602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249228730625944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204798964324614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848549745584591,0.13025555674421574,0.1558627361301874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908740419443964,0.17947179322480658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23816631437080202,0.0,0.16897580427502013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216296005004926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364864429142336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939624784761732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305965113683205,0.27892593454684617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409524042757736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802843547625096,0.0,0.0,0.09830870630375606,0.3875487491305489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099441300605301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158654491745974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856921727243456
suicidewatch,Jamesgepps,2018/04/18,Dear troll I know I need to but I just don't have the requisite spine to do so. Please send me a little encouragement,-1.4087999999999994,0.15478572000000135,0.9920000000000008,96.85600000000002,111.8,5.2,13.0,6.742157984588678,-0.3310000000000004,93,2,22,2,5,31,21,25,0.0,0.653,0.34700000000000003,0.8421,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141032275504692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5728328470840713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237893855368147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273788715363819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dneuehwisjt3728,2018/04/18,"Bliss would be to die in my sleep tonight. I don’t know where to start, I just turned 21 and I honestly feel like describing where I am in life will just make me want to end it even more to be honest, and sorry if that’s depressing to read.

I’ve hit a huge wall of depression this past week. I’ve turned my life around after picking myself up after a huge breakup and dropping out of school. I have straight As at my community college and am transferring next fall semester for a major I really want to actually do now. 

Though I have a road to success paved, I have no one. I’ve let my parents down and they see me as a nuisance. I know on a sub level they love me but right now I’m just a burden to them, I made them waste 50k on my last school where I dropped out, and finally just scored a job after being unemployed for a while. My best friends are gone- they just feel like friends I see once in a while and it sucks, they’ve moved on from me and I’m completely alone. I don’t feel close to anyone anymore and it sucks. I have zero emotional support and being an extrovert, the loneliness has dragged me down into a deep, dark pit where I only feel despair now.

It’s near impossible for me to make friends, in my classes I have acquaintances but they all have their own friend groups and it’s not that I don’t want to be apart of them, but the kids are just huge gossipers and not the type I want to be around. 

I just feel so alone. I miss my ex after a year and a half (even though she destroyed me) because of the connection we had and everything we had in common. She was my best friend. I work out regularly and do physique competitions but even the gym seems like a chore now, I’m just so miserable and feel like every day is exactly the same to the point where I just want to go downtown and jump off of the bridge. I just want to die. It’s sad seeing my friends move on from me and have new closer friends; they’ve pushed me away and subtly reject me when I want to get closer. I’m not a downer or anything, I’m a bit goofy but I just like to have a good time with my life and it’s just the opposite right now. ",2.4824823830877643,3.7751549932735458,3.6137950032030766,91.84987892376684,75.30044843049328,7.2496092248558615,23.729404228058936,7.859703344183488,0.9137223062139652,1661,49,383,24,35,538,201,446,0.133,0.6759999999999999,0.191,0.9739,4,3,0,0,0,1,35.0,2,0,8,4,33,32,3,1,27,0,31,5,1,4,2,76,70,36,2,9,22,2,6,5,7,2,3,0,1,1,10,30,0,0,9,2,0,7,7,12,0,3,5,9,59,20,56,55,8,76,0,7,3,1,25,42,2,3,30,255,69,11,0.0,0.0,0.07813762521986109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585856013411612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940879392224294,0.055987418674430287,0.0,0.06589150897872981,0.14256011240974328,0.0,0.0,0.07522922435806516,0.0,0.0,0.048810463197515454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680588900676908,0.0,0.08741665909555273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395279072556143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163909132257759,0.0,0.13792985741034555,0.0,0.16620185674424154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006895895393667,0.07091903039141999,0.0,0.0,0.15865817652641742,0.0,0.06746316698228283,0.0,0.07196254090755806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429174464831686,0.17160795077215002,0.0,0.08771373150542561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330379245741152,0.0,0.04183372823122361,0.0,0.04550612441812688,0.06715965237318157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945798990798382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800971951379663,0.06526845136413928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818778963134458,0.1696692844049296,0.19559292890553812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226709232673033,0.07576499949215308,0.10689586381091946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702053400809617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733295159434757,0.08515628567135364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527287037128123,0.05425809824936571,0.06089750980260904,0.0,0.0,0.08890923273889154,0.0,0.07643671194385096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756928596019379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009254493796675,0.0,0.05129545389576713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676018227000605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207200384227094,0.19141836556819736,0.07289351882448661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012870285108728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963279087865011,0.056674578595303414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086348190736586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573384594773374,0.0,0.04668997207098336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418824166651994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33059514317405503,0.0,0.06422802742501789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582925518200573,0.0,0.0,0.05688005340629725,0.0,0.0,0.051563019317494775
suicidewatch,fetusbladder,2018/04/18,Im really scared I really don't want to do anything and die but the overwhelming anxiety and sadness I feel on a daily basis is becoming unbearable. I'm scared of experiencing the never ending ride of painful emotions again because I'm stuck in a pattern and I'm terrified,5.101415094339623,6.81688475471698,7.388820754716981,65.68813679245285,69.37735849056604,11.337735849056607,35.89150943396226,11.20814326018867,4.97662641509434,224,12,36,8,4,80,38,53,0.443,0.557,0.0,-0.9795,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,9,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,5,8,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966769618908204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156726896473088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567227182327145,0.2839412149876697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26682400716909843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28919725712355604,0.2277098492672691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999495062133185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27770670443773937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828750391773514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735671934575467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294032648284608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147938665425101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164128484709416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hate_my_apathy,2018/04/18,What do you think would have to change in society in order to make life worth living? I can't think of anything. ,2.5456521739130444,4.37885595652174,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,76.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.31562608695652195,89,2,19,1,2,28,20,23,0.0,0.913,0.087,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456715843573803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443652055929631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29669908038261045,0.0,0.0,0.3709185252626251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28039168610252385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383118522978704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983968417787204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wanttodieverybad,2018/04/18,"Honestly, why shouldn't I commit suicide 
I'm never going to be a happy person. I'm never going to be loved, or cared about by anybody other than like my mom. I'm an absolutely unlikable person. Zero people in my life like me. I've tried my best to improve time and time again, but my optimism that things are going to get better is just going away. I'm an unlikable sad pathetic sack and that will never change.",2.9980895008605866,4.798237759036148,5.241514629948366,78.60240963855424,75.02409638554218,7.634423407917385,22.70051635111876,8.418075326091056,1.5882371772805508,326,9,59,6,7,114,56,83,0.107,0.614,0.278,0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,4,10,17,4,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,6,8,9,13,1,12,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,8,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662483686065195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728618960568775,0.16626380188232984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916705515689314,0.0,0.1988707944169631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821815241566527,0.0,0.427361141635937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001211661284798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278443288496422,0.18368696183604408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967027776133126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017416343384824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349734644357153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033010381430968,0.32829503225836193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563292722988036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489364781510455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923949822517969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763434678426913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696336977444412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thekinginthenorf,2018/04/18,Job is making me want to kill myself. What are my options? I need this job to return to school. I start almost two months ago and all i am thinking is suicide. Before that same thing happened with school and other jobs and i quit. But quitting can cause problems now. Because i am paying my fathers debts and i have my own debt. I am enthuastic about programming and want to work solo because i am not good with people. Current job is a public servant role with toxic coworkers and work overload. What do you guys think i should do? Quit and face the other people. Dont quit and suffer until i kill myself. What should i do to not want to kill myself? ,1.981428571428573,4.4824912500000025,3.0022767857142867,89.82218750000001,81.8125,4.5946428571428575,20.861607142857142,5.773587663045528,0.17462321428571406,512,15,96,3,14,163,75,128,0.21,0.741,0.049,-0.9788,7,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,1,0,6,2,6,3,0,2,0,16,1,1,2,1,29,25,10,4,7,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,19,1,11,23,3,7,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,7,72,27,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423611500488356,0.0,0.11774903200431253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336309811509854,0.0,0.10006011708800523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079694499713242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781417451451558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986286054446051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643222442404587,0.10398412441828814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667582668540066,0.0,0.3902865208167275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849199335401476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385892346275948,0.0,0.0,0.08719122314999525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304369168694302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251739828108706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5002841978116361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238013973505304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323054770973702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862397330597025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812132735287429,0.15069337796806911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486798533278987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080722371617427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121330711698154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nomadbound49,2018/04/18,I feel worthless and I'm ready to end it I think I'm going to jump off the bridge. Many people in the past have done so and died and I'm als not a very good swimmer. My family at home makes me feel like a worthless burden and want me gone. The only reason i haven't jumped yet is because I'm crying too much to be able to get up and walk there,2.5530769230769224,2.505140461538464,4.1093846153846165,93.3856153846154,73.87179487179488,6.752820512820513,20.72820512820513,5.6839178017228535,-0.16232102564102613,268,4,67,1,5,90,55,78,0.219,0.706,0.075,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,17,6,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,2,2,6,2,8,14,1,12,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,36,7,0,0.243010445607358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813691210083654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669355636082494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522064761390216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486840572809409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523512548647766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290886207428084,0.0,0.24574676589198,0.17360671089767948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696292794358285,0.0,0.1381084364165782,0.2038256322229524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375929080480702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187226287920158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221135944994694,0.246374449848214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864063866164795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848203943544654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231980967537296,0.1684728451155094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498552114169266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571128121346714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200509067738768,0.143333857002761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlienSideBoob,2018/04/18,I dont even want ro vent anymore I'm so tired of going to my therapist and talking just for her to say the same things. I don't see the point in explaining why I hate my life to my boyfriend when he just gives me the same sad responses. I don't see the point in looking for advice if it's not going to help. I just want to let myself suffer until I finally have the courage to kill myself. ,6.151,3.974317011764708,6.9963235294117645,82.75095588235297,67.11764705882354,10.382352941176473,31.838235294117645,8.841846274778883,2.2304705882352938,306,9,71,4,4,103,55,85,0.256,0.7090000000000001,0.035,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,16,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,4,13,1,12,15,2,9,0,2,3,0,7,4,0,1,3,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635286827232726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927506146072255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354961367019787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271669428076605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011616564543965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927566455133208,0.2283937406011011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838324023780726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468353195941005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230651813810104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547123327566744,0.14192742561525676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873609240007995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798999708793959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979280725508235,0.0,0.0,0.32024082538990223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150518521654672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333028183642259,0.1334933133724556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23094700192940035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370351631300801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131398007568195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineedhelp2848,2018/04/18,"i don’t have any time to kill myself it’s 11:28 as of the time i’m writing this.


i already know how i’m going to kill myself. i’ve been trying to for the past month but i’ve never had the time to.

i’m still in school and i live with my mother.


i’m not even old enough to drive so i probably sound like an edgy kid. but i pass by it every day to and from school. there’s an overpass. i’m going to jump off the first chance i get.

i can’t take it anymore. i’m a financial burden to my parent who has repeatedly asked if i’m mentally challenged and tried to disown me and my grades are dropping. i’m a burden to everyone and my friends. nobody wants me around and the one adult i thought i could trust probably thinks i’m a nutcase.

i want it all to just fucking end ",0.5174038461538473,2.203660011834323,2.7033394970414237,94.49394415680477,82.01775147928994,5.645118343195268,20.029955621301774,6.6274283507984215,0.05838727810650912,598,16,142,6,16,203,100,169,0.092,0.8079999999999999,0.1,0.295,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,10,0,8,1,0,1,2,23,28,12,2,4,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,5,0,2,3,1,18,4,20,24,2,21,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,1,13,83,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692935285547066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432515680135628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214309607646787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656885974282654,0.14341914808257006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248668888688015,0.0,0.0,0.09893779825047504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135877153165897,0.15851520460307414,0.0,0.10132692280157524,0.0,0.12925589961558678,0.1465913694820874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049183871306436,0.0,0.0,0.11852543080114775,0.14182656316116382,0.08015123538776102,0.0,0.17437470883122114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394544374954474,0.0,0.08431100984081248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494916445524201,0.0,0.13546526394005354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460282200051634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245168498763227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832049262432248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609796800798058,0.0,0.10395567854818408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034543997638069,0.0,0.14644874244570494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308073296142573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31052148299879145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122514711434402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534643983926378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829996641709664,0.0,0.12179168360645905,0.26836663380981546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083128285568816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180972286914633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NerdNuncle,2018/04/18,"Too Tired To Care, Too Craven To Quit Short version is I've ruined everything and everyone that's ever come into my life.

I'm 29 IRL and a failed college experience has earned me $80,000 of debt and nothing to show for it, continued failure to hold down a job left me living with the parents, swiping loose cash whenever I can, a family farm that's close to failing, a little brother I couldn't save, and thousands of dollars spent on medical aid and mental help because I can't ""get it together"">

I'd love nothing more than for it all to just *END*.",5.267142857142859,5.835773090909092,6.093116883116879,79.3668181818182,68.0909090909091,9.194805194805195,32.98701298701299,9.23628265651192,2.902883116883117,440,19,84,8,7,145,83,110,0.197,0.7170000000000001,0.086,-0.8993,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,0,2,15,11,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,0,1,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,6,3,15,9,3,11,0,3,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,48,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792912628699624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396695578805924,0.0,0.0,0.1807763985943842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587427778306972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898310051754879,0.0,0.20053087878906808,0.18860925261952316,0.2052840199488088,0.1978379775728768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964354671849333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406651941060612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825434875132984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280142493079728,0.0,0.1482308087907907,0.0,0.21033553968311544,0.18531083050296074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894074625608325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141256261142566,0.2114902116582092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40273397624934215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302545638846875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321267174991746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120398672350274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Per0Mortese,2018/04/18,"Ive one week left to live. Here are my last words. Context - 33 years old. Depressive personality. Suffered from grief over fathers death and cultural/identity issues forever. Wife of 6 tears cheated and left me suddenly leaving me almost financially destitute and alone. Am staying with friends trying to recuperate now but nothing’s working, including counselling, exercise, making plans - all the positive self love bullshit. Decided to end my life as soon as I return from this trip, next week on Monday/Tuesday. Have just drafted my suicide note and chosen how Im going to do it (jumping from a great height). Misery loves company so I am sharing my note with you. Trigger warning etc. Seeya. 

I am sorry
I hate myself so much
I feel like a mistake
And every day that Im here I take someone elses air and space
Self love and the idea that deserve anything are bullshit
but especially so for me.
I got everything I deserve and dont have the strength to expect any more
I am tired
I am running on fumes
Just want this to end
To exit this stage and bow out from everyones lives.
I am sorry. I hate myself too much.
I hate everything I was, everything I have become, everything I lost and will never be.
And as much as I love you, I hate myself more. I dont have the strength to love myself or anyone else any more. I will have ended my life by the time you finish reading this. Of the two people I love most, one has denied that I have any worth at all, and the other is not here. I go to join him now.
I am sorry. Goodbye.
",2.375139494333041,4.858304500000003,3.8406277244986953,84.53392763731476,80.01351351351352,6.52205754141238,26.102441150828252,7.717688229018142,1.7124362685265906,1196,49,223,20,31,394,166,296,0.233,0.601,0.166,-0.9551,0,1,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,3,0,5,13,23,6,0,9,0,25,10,0,3,3,36,43,23,3,3,6,2,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,3,9,15,0,0,3,2,1,5,4,11,0,3,3,1,41,12,28,37,10,36,0,4,0,6,17,11,0,3,19,154,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815411241635457,0.08433768913731209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661270881624327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693826725550341,0.08343541688546381,0.06701056124619585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993385541325105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251609115351287,0.0,0.07013617764208921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087244326854594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604986977854852,0.0,0.2163703990038756,0.0,0.09081680112314493,0.0,0.0,0.0686089111176362,0.0778105623752611,0.2927387962217983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041173829217217565,0.05817413742572631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291318826606868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255793302236444,0.0,0.06512760217641925,0.08977767909599818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215839911262801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919253944649193,0.17591834707954362,0.08499253691873833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637692208555822,0.0,0.08622339672907782,0.17694947606436712,0.0,0.11503388069708087,0.03978294667975611,0.0,0.14380967183442195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889127276368537,0.0,0.4409665364933221,0.0,0.05435565173639399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958289186379256,0.0,0.06280440727270413,0.0,0.08660251654459522,0.0,0.0,0.07813499189954852,0.0,0.08544786423821425,0.0,0.11035915468303854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645382251397602,0.07110218184794656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145277701352735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990004386662452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899600234120018,0.0,0.0,0.2734651421375158,0.0,0.08679433487992219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907201358026097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122578282464336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047482919750036,0.09359265748719148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055286127680159725,0.0,0.07954600131315154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802996066178842,0.0,0.13063765672374728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928254906403716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243872719820615
suicidewatch,yourhairisbeautiful,2018/04/18,"The main reason I can’t kill myself if because my brother already did My brother committed suicide 4 years ago when I was 15. Our family has never been the same and now my parents have split. It depresses me so much that any semblance of the happy family life I had as a child has been completely obliterated. I never knew how much this meant to me until I’d grown up and it was gone forever. I wish so badly I could go back and live my childhood on a loop. I don’t think I am capable of living a normal adult life.

If I killed myself, I fear my mother would never recover. She has become depressed since my brothers death. 

I want to believe that my life will change but I’m finding it harder everyday to live this way. I’d rather die than keep living a failed, wasted, useless life.

Losing my brother was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I can’t express how deeply it hurts to know someone you love so much is just nothingness and you will never see them again, because they don’t exist anymore. 

Trying to save my family from more pain might not be enough to keep me going.",3.9741993087557614,5.266088525345623,5.0883150921659,82.73818692396314,71.58064516129029,7.636981566820276,26.92655529953917,8.07648339933343,1.7246776497695848,858,29,164,12,16,283,137,217,0.218,0.703,0.078,-0.9879,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,2,2,2,12,14,2,1,8,0,24,6,0,3,6,34,38,15,5,8,6,6,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,9,4,0,2,6,0,0,4,10,11,0,0,11,1,32,3,15,21,7,21,0,6,1,1,16,2,0,3,14,120,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359082204546024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651080571927255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179842123609363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470757423409584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118495607019903,0.08815538196062225,0.1287218945463136,0.11660546583528313,0.0,0.1189531690149052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169026399194616,0.0,0.11069923912537803,0.0,0.0,0.08429750938462274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187281370919586,0.0,0.10957598266718956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909297221654524,0.0,0.0,0.09550368762388586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985959494782431,0.11880751611260845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964987458657664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000776400867508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239250057201712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302620451441875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768975780824626,0.2336185579875639,0.0,0.058024330707858486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982987704438413,0.0,0.0,0.37291837870883016,0.0,0.0,0.11811767295691647,0.0,0.0,0.09529060398389744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120043204842139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284164417952224,0.0,0.325721037217469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344656063148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234519099931828,0.0,0.117234749796349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855443022183428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841340601064385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733735450795545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945809069120056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548802827019307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014305210718429,0.06765177846554464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168228964221741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227416706737743,0.08380495741374562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141246713304553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500142138301577,0.0,0.0,0.0679904379130533
suicidewatch,alexalleale,2018/04/18,how to feel free and normal pls fuck life! im a drug addiced and life doesent mater lol why woulde it if i have already fucked up so much...  i just leaft a really good friend of mine but it what a emotionly abusive frinedship but i still feel really bad about it. i dont see how i ever can stop doing drugs.,-0.049192307692305086,2.1774444461538494,1.9202884615384617,95.76658653846157,89.15384615384615,5.096153846153847,17.35576923076923,6.6274283507984215,-0.1428076923076924,239,6,54,3,8,79,50,65,0.259,0.612,0.13,-0.9259,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,3,1,5,6,0,2,1,14,10,8,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,4,4,9,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,1,3,34,10,0,0.0,0.22597224890403944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046448204922275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924339969717272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352265270607385,0.0,0.4423497621468191,0.0,0.0,0.21453455353051332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251733884651224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192867726133748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734995257165742,0.35263550132561594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996705418249146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601054256723736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26942263350513473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402012907421011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686530119391814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443604861759635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197930589944172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230939720840586,0.15945062616930256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720953148819622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354821572718798,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THE_REDDIT_FAN_CLUB,2018/04/18,these are the last blues im ever gonna have this is it. soon i will never have to wake up miserable again,0.8587500000000006,2.0680740416666694,2.8566666666666656,95.955,79.41666666666666,6.466666666666668,16.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,-0.3831833333333337,83,1,21,1,2,28,22,24,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022000909859563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5996992181370204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525530047079439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281958597527015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thebini,2018/04/18,"Sometimes it just comes back There's this cycles you know? you feel drepessed but not suicidal, you know you are a good person, it's not fair to us but people shit on you, life tears you apart, It is just so sad that we feel this way",4.230952380952382,4.227176448979595,4.024897959183672,95.29748299319729,70.22448979591837,7.34965986394558,22.455782312925173,6.42735559955562,0.10858639455782272,182,3,44,1,3,55,35,49,0.238,0.626,0.13699999999999998,-0.7539,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,6,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,7,3,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,2,7,0,5,0,1,0,0,9,2,1,0,1,28,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285957090385639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25608682624936063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063494815701525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493506197487579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267628304973599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099829273664302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061016952688164,0.2595799462923091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30516130923660306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940249031084897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251842334565394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576002146554477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359729510030992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,superman1_2,2018/04/18,"Why people shouldn't use chocking on food on purpose to commit suicide? What are the chances of failure and living with disability?, for example the survival instinct may make one hit the floor to remove the food...",6.346228070175438,8.632153447368424,5.807894736842107,75.98359649122811,67.15789473684211,7.171929824561403,36.35087719298246,7.793537801064563,3.095761403508772,173,9,26,2,3,53,32,38,0.181,0.731,0.08900000000000001,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,2,1,7,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,17,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7369073164147051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690624070192795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033946994626995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647776618125888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124589434483132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333006753475192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631695464397218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27495122878211675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pidersukka,2018/04/18,How to have fun before it ends? I had depression for the majority of my 19 year long lifespan. Also I failed at university because of a complete lack of motivation. Now I have to move away from home because dad doesn't want to see his pathetic failure of a son anymore. In other words it's time for me to go. There is however one thing that makes me stay: I do have a solid amount of money in my bank account. What do I spend that on to make me at least temporarily happy? If live was shit so far why not have the time of my life now and end it when I'm broke?,3.2643067226890743,3.7531186554621883,5.085199579831933,85.09821953781513,72.52941176470588,8.302941176470588,26.639705882352942,8.472884824447931,1.5557974789915971,436,14,99,7,8,150,85,119,0.18600000000000005,0.73,0.084,-0.9255,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,1,0,5,0,10,2,1,4,0,10,16,6,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,4,0,1,2,1,12,2,20,14,4,19,0,3,1,0,3,7,1,1,9,68,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639448297055554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033128563623098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926117717029704,0.0,0.0,0.2499419573799759,0.0,0.17444671501565234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494699565283376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765730966472244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36315249047716025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651077519811676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823483632532129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563974707342428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480321865902224,0.0,0.0,0.18102582673671785,0.18142563560556207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736888741314437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178910681722719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891873167935653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336483967583126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104377738793524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851125904510504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619821089540796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239083635863386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091903452701085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849878400106361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320184355194991
suicidewatch,wolfspider521,2018/04/18,"fuck everything Everything is screaming and life is never worth living. Even if someone understands, it doesn't matter. All help is misguided and insincere.",7.040266666666671,10.988753560000005,6.539999999999999,63.01666666666665,73.4,11.333333333333336,36.333333333333336,10.504223727775694,6.0579333333333345,129,7,15,5,3,40,21,25,0.436,0.564,0.0,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,7,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462251432231586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6112917933222336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144025135090562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795137982062494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021164304732576,0.0,0.0,0.3003007231270416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26229402624982473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881523771195768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35403981555941305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EdenC996,2018/04/18,"Sick at the state of the world, the corruption, my mind and my life. There really isn't much else to say. Who would want to live in a world like this",0.8298958333333317,2.55610303125,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,81.1875,6.7666666666666675,13.791666666666664,7.793537801064563,-0.5424708333333332,115,1,30,2,3,36,27,32,0.097,0.792,0.111,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508108276677495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966201361520085,0.20516430444959866,0.0,0.370819833087526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42402554253519376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087084808546109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26902803130051023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339577536804069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476949118736776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29831744581612457,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RemarkableRooster,2018/04/18,"I'm not suicidal, but I should die. I...don't know where to start. I apologize for the wall of text.

3 years ago, my best friend at the time commit suicide. I knew that they were having extremely depressive thoughts, and I had tried helping them, but I obviously failed. I think that I was a factor in why they went through with it. They had multiple arguments with me over what opinions I had about myself, but I never was able to convince myself that what they said was true. We did this back and forth, but never had any sorts of aggressive arguments where things actually got heated and we started yelling. Because of this, I never really thought that his situation was that bad. I failed in helping him, and I'm still obsessed over the fact that I failed. I'm pretty sure he'd still be alive if I had just never entered his life.

Along the way, I had a couple of other people who I became semi-close to.  I never told them about the guy above, but they told me a lot about themselves. Same situation, I tried helping, failed again. Most of them ended up yelling at me and just calling me a terrible person, and in reality, I am one. One of them went far enough to just tell me to not have any more friends, that all I was doing was just making everyones lives worse.

About 6 months ago, I met this girl, let's call her A. She's a really great person. She also shares an extremely negative opinion about herself, something which I know is shit that she's forced herself to believe due to other people pressuring her. We quickly became good friends, and she told me a lot about herself, and she became the first person I talked to about the suicide of my previous friend. The only problem is, while she insists I don't, I just make her life worse. I'm not depressed, I'm happy with life, but I do end up having quite a few depressing thoughts which I tell her. She isn't annoyed that I have them, she actually helps me each time I have them. When she has the same thoughts, I try and help her, and she does say that I do help her, but I don't think I do. She became my best friend, something I didn't have for 3 years. Recently, however, I've started to like her, romantically. I feel terrible for it, I know I'm a terrible person, and that I shouldn't be having feelings for someone who I know is out of my league. I haven't told her what I feel. She used to like me a few years ago, but that was before she knew me. She says that if I did like her, which I now do, she would say yes, but I can't end up confessing, because I know I'd hurt her.

My family gave up on me a long time ago. I don't do that well in school, B/C student, which isn't bad to me, but to them, I'm a complete failure. They've told me multiple times that they hate me and their life would be better without me. I can't blame them, they're right, I do just make peoples lives worse.

I don't want to die, I'm happy enough. But I just make peoples lives worse. My friends, my family, I can't do anything right for them no matter how hard I try. Everything they've said about me is true. I am an idiot, failure, useless, worthless, piece of shit. I should be dead, I should have never been born, my entire life I've just caused problems for people. At this point I just try to be as quiet as possible, and I only speak up when I have something funny to say. Otherwise, unless it's someone I can trust, I just stay shut up and quietly sit there.

Sorry for the wall of text, again, and if it seems incoherent/irreadable. I'm not looking for pity, I'm aware of how terrible a person I am and how many people I've failed, I'm just looking for a place to put all this in.",4.191411290322581,4.600580318548391,5.1098387096774225,86.03475806451617,70.41129032258064,8.296774193548387,27.46236559139785,8.278499904357787,1.592594623655914,2823,89,612,39,48,924,270,744,0.221,0.623,0.156,-0.9965,2,0,3,0,2,5,111.0,3,0,16,10,36,51,6,2,26,1,67,7,2,9,14,115,119,40,6,12,31,0,4,3,6,6,5,11,0,7,36,25,0,0,18,0,0,4,25,28,1,3,36,17,135,23,71,70,16,74,1,12,2,0,94,28,2,10,42,424,171,7,0.05108586421511457,0.0,0.09970486849888928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811381451281288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040853347156012736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948027895041285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420393134513112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03928187623921451,0.08530912552329371,0.06228293732737025,0.0,0.04347030779537277,0.05755627507472539,0.10722292549280904,0.045181295449547916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432875821132748,0.0,0.0,0.05247925479786929,0.0,0.0,0.05356255668030754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056525537085357624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200053997488415,0.0,0.10603812327498134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470558403621063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357407378202727,0.10557070769300944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048814732494157416,0.04591268072100473,0.0,0.09631841251305154,0.0,0.07749164371690563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345361000415062,0.0,0.0,0.2368128718117931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284839915122705,0.040858032395337016,0.05632234564610746,0.0,0.05058303728109394,0.0,0.10876370478954918,0.04576290005040085,0.050436714573289895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545066763754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054688474225255086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403772748092936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223875733314946,0.18041728341813631,0.07487391842649331,0.0,0.13532926211509694,0.045209382251980436,0.08579851927404097,0.0,0.0,0.08686274981579635,0.0,0.0,0.13640084420730306,0.051793048070680636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04077624942893048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23640340695796536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923420740943835,0.07770620350560163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249903561950456,0.22303103079498854,0.05337385503285468,0.0,0.04829265409385528,0.057591636110395986,0.0,0.051972689606476434,0.0,0.09776454551440322,0.0,0.05135540354656523,0.0,0.05433610487609547,0.0,0.0,0.06545382548903363,0.0,0.05044112786784558,0.0,0.0,0.08725409782257601,0.09718871082753468,0.16250211864123745,0.0,0.05170162192982063,0.0,0.04650665213056285,0.0,0.0,0.10487781098644032,0.0,0.11484530358318774,0.0,0.0,0.0865697739391424,0.11798518230691706,0.0,0.05718644252751544,0.1084765128868746,0.054450734062793126,0.081594474304983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167638931640165,0.0,0.04814782244637609,0.0,0.0,0.04106088255796564,0.08930259404924366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033939178208493334,0.06546751806451441,0.0,0.1622258793615767,0.1191543129818832,0.0,0.0,0.2440736624707872,0.0,0.17341974218932465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044121784391207966,0.0,0.0,0.030131766303176506,0.04054958116270775,0.0,0.0,0.0459323270950398,0.09471421586956737,0.046097046556262164,0.0,0.0,0.04924495010005468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082434400907248,0.07257986442673653,0.0,0.0,0.09869286491605084
suicidewatch,ballroomtactics,2018/04/18,"my dream life and real life will never integrate. Long story short the life I dream of and the one I have are vastly different beasts and the former is basically impossible to obtain. I sit around all day after work (a dead end retail job) and waste my time doing dumb shit like writing/recording songs or practicing guitar or painting or just listen to music alone. I isolate myself from the world too much to make friends. Am too awkward around men to date. Too much of a loser for a better job. At the end of the day, I've done all I can (the thinking positive stuff, therapy, ~yoga~, an exercise routine, healthy eating, etc.) Tomorrow will probably be  my last day on earth. The sad part is the last time I was happy was in 2008 after I graduated high school.",5.2261643835616445,6.336441205479453,6.02591780821918,77.8639452054795,68.45205479452055,8.853698630136988,28.298630136986297,9.120678840339163,2.359407671232877,600,20,109,11,10,197,99,146,0.156,0.7090000000000001,0.135,-0.5267,3,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,6,9,2,1,13,0,13,6,1,1,3,16,16,7,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,1,6,1,0,1,6,1,0,1,5,0,1,3,2,11,4,16,10,6,26,0,2,0,0,3,9,2,3,17,73,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340834342921347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637175996967149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100069585819615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28657673560824626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475457443990595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157887197223788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156442393982572,0.0,0.0,0.2623818984357847,0.0,0.16519370115961926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443766233663523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576772076783041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649762041345822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939738194794964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24147623116627395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138660293485376,0.07236427757627582,0.0,0.0,0.13108213200619687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887169750785052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177714711011192,0.0,0.1142397921772872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037039949368977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604002515296642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969913472996958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859375038397134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990602598739006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520437393683178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956272977368458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938889517270325,0.0,0.0,0.09490974458819143,0.0,0.0,0.1727407078506885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783361198536223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muydepressoespresso,2018/04/18,"My life is ruined. I had a ton of academic potential. My depression and anxiety fucked that up.

I had a ton of great friends. They stopped talking to me after my depression and anxiety took over. 

I hear my family members talking shit about me. I'm a burden to everyone I'm associated with. 

I'm not the happy, ambitious person that I used to be. The only thing keeping me alive is my cowardice.",1.810115440115439,4.413069896103898,4.603809523809524,77.29396825396825,83.8051948051948,8.617027417027417,29.334776334776336,9.150863307647796,3.3853590187590186,310,16,56,10,9,110,49,77,0.339,0.5579999999999999,0.103,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,1,9,2,0,5,0,5,3,1,1,0,7,13,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,3,1,13,3,10,9,2,5,0,3,0,1,6,2,2,0,2,41,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294400200803297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709114010341791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574848584666736,0.0,0.0,0.20298551811266166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635650521458548,0.19906083643493006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373922122262215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921325624597103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24268246673473104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138723817110675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520876218600338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637613574353204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801003114534184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102395841210204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001803503060426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461337994565645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304973458808756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239229603647088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596824908198967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TertiaryWings,2018/04/18,"Funeral Planning - Do I Have To Reveal My Intent? 

I want to plan and pay for my funeral before I do anything. Cremation. No actual funeral service, no viewing, no wake, just a straight cremation after the investigation is closed and then a scattering, or whatever is chosen to be done with my dust. 

I know they have funeral Planning services where you can plan for yourself. I'm just wondering if I have to reveal my intent for it being for suicide or is that a non factor, and if the intent is revealed would they have to report it to anyone? 

My goal is to have all of my information ready to access suddenly and having someone (especially the funeral people) understand The circumstances so that everything can go as planned as smoothly as possible. ",8.98345151199166,8.438609430656939,9.699791449426488,60.3787591240876,60.53284671532847,13.376016684045885,42.199165797705945,12.540900571622839,5.819824608967675,600,31,92,19,7,205,79,137,0.174,0.787,0.039,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,0,7,0,19,1,1,3,1,25,25,13,8,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,14,0,18,21,1,7,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,5,3,79,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.2805304245909267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010065482319739,0.0,0.2365643048240671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446168193495996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941828471572509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583605797928432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633765086740803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579866544053745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992963352241459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240805865185111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435734162786514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31444683614093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299267659133988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955796285512073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117502554888584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421129370037847,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Karapb010,2018/04/19,"I need some help Hi everyone,
A few weeks ago I made a life mistake, I did something forgivable but will require counseling, hard work and some luck to lock way forever. This caused me to lose my job, break the foundation of trust between my girlfriend and I, and it has caused me to become very unhappy. I look at her face every morning and regret all the lies and choices I've made, I look outside watching people go to work and I break down in tears - just last week, I was one of those people. I hang out with friends and while proud to hear how well their lives our going, last night I looked at the top of a building and wondered how quiet and free I would be standing on top of it. I feel worthless and like a failure. I have a support system of doctors and friends but feel so alone. My suicidal thoughts are getting worse",5.495121951219512,5.771086560975611,5.41209756097561,85.47070731707318,67.53658536585365,8.267317073170732,32.86341463414634,7.908726449838941,2.1963482926829268,652,27,132,7,10,203,109,164,0.209,0.584,0.207,-0.3312,1,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,7,5,14,0,0,8,0,8,3,1,6,1,36,23,17,1,4,3,0,3,1,3,2,2,2,0,0,4,13,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,5,9,21,11,18,15,4,23,0,3,4,0,10,8,0,4,8,83,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429949617797037,0.0,0.0,0.14522905120501048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548656197066311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880959138256082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435244908415423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814417928383805,0.1339893737079883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180222894080166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667234977917132,0.0,0.07326088752339502,0.0,0.15938426736413785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561253546863904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580418518944985,0.0,0.0939887232061102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914998991505362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860141213259136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904386473565564,0.0685060221537941,0.0,0.12381974422261632,0.0,0.35325677132341554,0.1568740066320549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26536535664836464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397380128929053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159006945819682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501893809486632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442636298114008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795074817504303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338153266352805,0.15912374080565814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132163828556753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569890909855265,0.0,0.1113027298626034,0.22495734862673689,0.0,0.12607758817794326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520661889366152,0.2041684670673677,0.0,0.14289952382660706,0.09961061017299533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,careless_seagull,2018/04/19,"My mate just deleted his account, Please help I’ve been talking to someone online for like 6 months, we usually talk about our problems and try to help eachother out with life and stuff. He didn’t respond for a while cause he said he was having a really bad time and didn’t wanna talk to anyone. I felt a bit hurt and got mad at him. He just deleted all his posts and his account and I’m freaking out. He never does shit like this and I’m so scared he decided to hurt himself. He helped me with lots of shit and I can’t live with myself if he’s gone. Please help me, I’m panicking and I don’t know what to do

If you’re there man I’m so fucking sorry for being an idiot, please talk to me",0.2960486577181207,2.331565530201342,2.1385192953020145,96.31704068791949,84.97315436241611,4.7988255033557055,19.37961409395973,5.985473137389443,-0.2141244966442959,540,15,124,4,16,178,89,149,0.185,0.6609999999999999,0.154,-0.8051,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,6,13,5,1,4,0,9,4,2,1,2,28,19,14,0,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,15,0,0,3,0,2,1,5,11,0,0,8,2,15,2,18,10,3,10,0,2,0,1,27,3,3,3,7,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203537501845596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990151384832994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370058833225144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521530111906338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518606791278678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638079890149312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216853430222202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052726677378858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529022912224544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818149205278058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233774776993518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297074586301927,0.1286108128503574,0.0,0.11622743118585868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190300736558513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050619500272082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101517440813875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334547109175438,0.0,0.0,0.12606052243575486,0.0,0.0,0.12594750546110198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432245043286744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252056727037617,0.0,0.1317797512337359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022267842521863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152557421095127,0.0,0.0,0.14734359464646893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067932159160086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42318128339850136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675169155667301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936484616802115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496652214453384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,datapoohbah,2018/04/19,"Is there any nobility in suicide... wouldn't it be better for me to bow out gracefully rather than to continue living the rest of my life as a failure? I realize this is /r/suicidewatch, so the answers are likely to skew anti-suicide, but this question has been consuming me lately.

I truly believed I was a visionary. I could tell, almost intuitively, which way the winds were blowing, and knew it was only a matter of time before my ""big break."" I'd stay up late at night, reading articles on young entrepreneurs - internet nerds like me - who struck it rich. I'd play ""spot the unicorn,"" pretending to invest in companies, despite being in my teens and not having any money.

Instead of going to college, I decided to try my luck as an entrepreneur. Things started out good. At 19, I had my own place, excellent credit, and a motherfuckload of ambition. But I was also shy, and very awkward. I preferred working in front of a screen, as opposed to being around people. That part hasn't changed much.

Now, nearly a decade later, I realize I wasted my 20's chasing pipe dreams and being afraid. I didn't go to parties, meet girls, fall in love, or make friends. I didn't get a degree. I ruined my credit, and never ended up making it out of my hometown. 

I feel like such an embarrassment, a failure. 

I have three options: continue along the same path, albeit with less time and money than I had at 19, or try my best to make up for lost time. The third option is to bow out. That's sounding more and more appealing every day. ",4.727025036818852,6.068371628865982,5.831467844869909,77.93494845360827,69.82474226804123,8.429455081001473,30.00834560628375,8.841846274778883,2.5396118802160044,1188,47,213,21,21,395,179,291,0.09,0.695,0.214,0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,3,56.0,0,0,0,5,8,21,0,3,16,0,23,2,0,3,1,42,34,17,1,4,6,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,11,15,0,1,8,4,6,4,6,6,0,2,11,3,28,15,43,17,9,42,0,2,1,1,7,20,0,7,18,153,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891596420239585,0.0,0.0,0.11094066073783508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867947406050956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349725329617245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804723492738173,0.15629885017778375,0.14558638432965154,0.12269356415332207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467557357451056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076294897209947,0.0,0.0,0.08946802626977572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287175299911672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688424875854045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014500038217086,0.09910724772360124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718084032664084,0.0,0.07247960799645903,0.0,0.15768453822875808,0.11635839029889596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129822535601217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798762659273284,0.20332635048346054,0.0,0.12249928750332405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143790316624164,0.0,0.1252073564644879,0.0,0.2778058745792914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198097722027018,0.0,0.106995517684414,0.0,0.0,0.13018674729419838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550882804557822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022880926195134,0.0,0.09617646638904136,0.0,0.1449411408288691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540701029929097,0.0,0.1387654532834549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819232981692938,0.14786549536608376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034916375480297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125430936651675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921646601188031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24268008251853904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883742911932941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144650557830483,0.0,0.11011575892799697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099557184285526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chemotherapee,2018/04/19,"I'm in high school and I already feel as if my life is fucked because of my grades. I don't have a good GPA and without a good GPA I can't go to a good college which is one of my dreams. Also I might have to quit one of the things I love which is track, just to get my grades up. I have to fix all my grades in one night and might kill myself if I can't get these assignments done. I realize now that life is only going to get worse so I feel if I stop the cruelty now I won't have to deal with any of the bad things. I know this seems really over dramatic but I really don't see a point to life anyway.",1.3406521739130426,1.8677316159420307,3.387652173913043,95.35408695652174,77.04347826086956,7.259130434782609,19.597101449275364,7.554174236665415,0.11098318840579724,465,8,123,6,10,159,73,138,0.15,0.815,0.035,-0.8931,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,7,0,16,5,0,0,1,19,29,10,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,1,0,2,6,3,0,3,1,3,19,4,18,25,1,12,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,6,4,84,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255906334589953,0.11780289521720393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017512138724392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299680044224688,0.08979815425865308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186903480047215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507481762694009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896763864708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618472874819104,0.23088850226972685,0.0,0.1674381152121671,0.3706672153075238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556399685580896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297550142336792,0.0,0.080957133485705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312145953466893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295205739638175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125429837379626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823944844179892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994610227316408,0.11203507651820196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925454989657576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668117583573798,0.0,0.0,0.18873974061914625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908449796045034,0.11738614218619142,0.13410451405407828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231568585236956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957310101904202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200054831393089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012038095064134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MelancholyMoogle,2018/04/19,"unbearable silence hey ive been on lexapro and life has gotten worse and im really tempted to self harm. it feels like nobody wants me. not my parents not my friends and especially not my boyfriend (who has told me he has been cheating on me multiple times)



im so tired of being in this pain all the time. why can't i just go into a coma? i wish i was never born. existence is pain. nothing is appealing anymore. i haven't showered in a month and i hardly have any appetite


why? what did i do to deserve everything",0.4871428571428567,2.933650619047622,2.6188095238095244,89.64535714285715,90.42857142857143,5.666666666666668,24.642857142857146,7.1686216300943375,1.3387142857142849,405,18,82,7,14,136,75,105,0.218,0.736,0.046,-0.9657,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,3,0,15,5,0,0,2,14,21,5,0,2,4,1,2,1,1,0,5,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,2,13,2,8,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601896961093242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837803727195004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654707793174048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936996535053386,0.13238740781202632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317210843682462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053174603655672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600375237052312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003389648221563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089181851203266,0.09053440960394636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791480446702085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292455455174746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781250388459469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943714908137936,0.0,0.2057677887282634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871604100940054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332152903314967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611461516140398,0.21298965250301555,0.0,0.17707419669795288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930221350417177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33443172059071424,0.0,0.21310042397333426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884944148826807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wilsfh,2018/04/19,"why my whole body feels numb off the alcohol. i feel so isolated, not a single person knows whio i am or how i feel. litterally so sdrunk i cant think it's scary lol. ready to overdose idk what to do",-1.3806644518272435,0.5774737906976739,1.3499003322259142,96.32558139534888,101.7906976744186,5.2478405315614625,15.445182724252494,6.868970318607317,-0.10512358803986688,155,4,37,3,7,53,37,43,0.152,0.6709999999999999,0.177,0.2816,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,8,8,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729179368641119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876011567482501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5293138597288926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177199910477705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046868283777397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359097711356996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31487015198613605,0.3895865665874952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tangy-Tango,2018/04/19,"Help im on a bridge ready to jump.
ive got nothing to live for. 
im a failure and a worthless piece of trash which cant be helped
im scared but i think this is the end of me",-1.4868604651162798,-0.36659323255813625,1.2257558139534908,105.42142441860467,85.97674418604653,4.3,17.726744186046513,3.1291,-1.2145767441860469,133,3,40,0,4,46,33,43,0.157,0.75,0.093,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586147481356308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949232471945628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32671757078844393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7897705651965574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520712628123964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338536324325987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440038575723033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616441197447667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thecooliestone,2018/04/19,"Suicidal but it's my little sister's prom I'm this close to taking every pill in my apartment, but my little sister is going to prom this weekend, and she's so happy and I don't want to ruin it for her. I know it sound stupid, like it wouldn't ruin any other weekend, but there's something in the back of my head that imagines her in a therapists office saying she had to wear her prom dress to my funeral that's making me get through it. God, I hope I'm out of this depression by next week then. ",2.613113207547169,3.7105483773584913,4.3831603773584895,87.23719339622644,74.66037735849056,6.809433962264151,22.683962264150942,7.1686216300943375,0.7337018867924527,392,10,83,4,8,133,66,106,0.14400000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.197,0.8216,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,0,4,3,2,1,0,13,13,7,2,3,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,2,14,3,14,11,0,15,0,3,0,0,8,8,0,1,7,54,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147369220552335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825838839142627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451476673046828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000613082232525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405747865338955,0.0,0.1349479307078995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527692354668607,0.0,0.0,0.243691524743736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358407696715343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049594623178382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600575243180045,0.4759732333592251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849927682229548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525300645805457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888292439567465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280010098248156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597310359931605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785323511094503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27569698262056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005377154919935,0.0,0.1904675360796887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hellknight101,2018/04/19,"I am worthless. I feel like I am forever going to be alone. At this point, death seems like the most appealing option. I just don't know what to do at this point. I have lost all will to live. My only two friends are hundreds of kilometres away. I am in a foreign country where I am too scared to go outside. Thinking about the fact that I am about to go to university in September makes me anxious. 

Since I had to attend therapy in my home country, I ended up taking an unplanned gap year. Just when I finally started seeing results, it was time to move in with my dad abroad. I felt that he was too much in a hurry because I didn't have a chance to say a proper goodbye to my friends. 

After I moved in, all of my progress from the therapy had withered away. I had to attend an interview for a university in 2 months and had panic attacks almost daily because of it. I was afraid of failing. In the end, I passed it but it turned out that the financing firm wouldn't fund the course so all of this worry was all for nothing. I ended up changing to a different course, thinking that all of my problems would be over. Oh, how wrong I was...

Since my dad had trouble paying the bills, I began searching for a job. I applied almost everywhere, ended up getting 5 interviews, all of which I was rejected from. We only had 14 euros after the rent, bills and food were paid for. I just knew at this point that I was a worthless leech. 

What is more, I am too afraid to go outside. Since I am autistic and have a weird voice, cases, where people have laughed at me or looked at me weirdly, aren't uncommon. Today I went outside for more than an hour. That was my biggest accomplishment in the 6 months that I've been here.

My only interests currently are playing video games, teaching myself programming and drinking copious amounts of coffee. This is all I do at home. I have no routine, and this has destroyed me completely. I know that when university starts it won't be a problem but will I be able to adapt? Will I ever fit in? Will anyone ever love me? 

I am afraid that the answer is no.",3.311999269806498,4.884153797590366,4.526593647316538,85.00795545819645,73.67469879518073,7.2471705001825475,28.23840817816721,7.898369717300924,1.7943172690763047,1626,65,322,23,33,535,197,415,0.138,0.79,0.07200000000000001,-0.9773,4,2,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,0,4,17,26,2,5,23,0,51,3,0,3,10,44,76,12,1,4,6,2,2,2,2,7,0,2,3,0,23,8,2,0,9,4,8,10,7,18,0,1,23,6,49,8,58,42,12,61,0,5,2,1,11,30,0,6,23,241,72,9,0.09453804109508407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893323843299675,0.09791289939307454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680107725389612,0.0,0.06610319645262425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755066970039784,0.17764320322168628,0.0,0.0,0.11525902476238005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000871218169276,0.0,0.0991213374266948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877213154801004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261128926504482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349305761320755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103014115099988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780127412798047,0.06753799544792186,0.09077134499587501,0.1035618030367228,0.0,0.0,0.114315774550424,0.0,0.14607971207662296,0.0,0.04939222455842946,0.0,0.21491258953739306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965872675816892,0.0,0.09310092724046196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381441832782507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391127000498483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237302315630304,0.0,0.08347882230416298,0.0,0.07938814450580259,0.0,0.10319943949214144,0.0,0.0853242730998689,0.0,0.06310487653088857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150918724913147,0.20095795268010752,0.06949633789131074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071180013580124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157013209002945,0.0,0.11092002186622107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554077424585206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681070186905909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092027537332606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518044475793685,0.09464907143079232,0.0,0.07533457887133993,0.08606388201245525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346085335690428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382902414345527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108084149912239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622497812841385,0.0,0.0,0.1211523189098768,0.0,0.0,0.05512589201733113,0.0,0.08961100891513896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283024142956099,0.09234992923525827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763771123124713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600796971777728,0.0,0.06715711196503893,0.10336250710715368,0.0,0.06087939891380428
suicidewatch,MadbonesbaD,2018/04/19,"I'm going to kill myself The only part I'm struggling with is knowing it will cripple my family. I'm 19 currently consistently doing drugs for the fuck of it and life doesn't seem worth it when I'm living it for the sake of other people. 

Not sure what I want to accomplish here  but fuck it.",4.108442622950822,4.6217584918032815,5.832909836065571,80.40543032786887,70.63934426229507,8.722950819672132,25.08606557377049,8.841846274778883,1.6998819672131145,232,6,47,4,4,80,44,61,0.243,0.728,0.029,-0.8951,1,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,1,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,8,14,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,13,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080790410908349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504388022977889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49119324299274,0.0,0.0,0.15097961344059446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29391131372935,0.0,0.14599873754482107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764216391932845,0.0,0.0,0.2345809586881494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204494685181934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28768182099256234,0.0,0.18417386866978885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418451457945249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27772351401685763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503796039014473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669202320089862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,headwrecked087,2018/04/19,"Going ahead with it. So I have decided I am actually going ahead with it.

The main reasons I have not gone ahead with it already were because of how it would hurt those close to me.

Well anyway I have too much of a pain in my dick and my head and my heart with living in this misery just, so they aren't hurt by me going. 

Enough is enough. 

Life wont get better for me and I don't want to do it anymore.

I'm going to wrap up a few things, financially maybe leave a video or a note but my head is too fucked up to get it all out. So it will probably be brief.

I hope they will understand that I will be happier dead than I am now & if they don't then fuck it. 

Wont be immediately but I am already feeling a bit of relief that this is what I have decided. 

Thanks for listening. ",1.355477599323752,2.6581813905325475,3.5012890955198657,91.46060650887577,78.28994082840238,6.958748943364327,20.947168216398985,7.7094869923839395,0.5193783601014368,601,15,145,9,14,206,94,169,0.15,0.72,0.129,-0.2087,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,4,10,10,2,0,6,0,24,8,4,2,1,25,40,12,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,15,9,0,0,5,1,0,6,6,5,1,0,2,2,20,5,23,29,7,17,0,2,0,3,4,6,3,3,5,113,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.14226143716301928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32174639283134765,0.0,0.0,0.15795388611878095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445757932234787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886687589407588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893163835046373,0.1591553303537315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301261930833234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371136280681857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695447693384563,0.15232933643210672,0.0,0.33140329725794565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29922717002863564,0.0,0.0,0.17275144231089584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479364056751515,0.0,0.0,0.3121236126849391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436125809924875,0.0,0.0,0.10296958379077653,0.0,0.0,0.12872748414767127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645682532589646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071659672153614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512149166264094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717680695509206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988736939083747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421575693497811,0.0,0.0,0.09685056187854807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176338661625047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598553797998096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310748203806125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355879284429988,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmolTransBoy,2018/04/19,"Tomorrow I guess I’ll give you a little information about who I am. I am a fourteen year old male, I don’t go out much unless I have to, and I have been contemplating suicide for probably around a month now.

I have been experiencing tremendous pain for the past couple months. I haven’t been feeling motivation to do anything I love anymore, I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to see anyone.

My friends have left me, I started acting depressed around two weeks ago around them, I wasn’t trying to, it just sort of happened. They’ve all been ignoring me, hanging out with each other, leaving me behind when having to do group activities. Whenever we have to partner up with someone, they always pick each other, and the last one always grunts and looks in my direction. I have to practically force them to be my partner and I have nobody else I can go to because I don’t have any other people that want to be around me.

I have been self harming a ton, I have so many cuts and bruises all over my arms. I do it at least once a day now, multiple times. 

I have the day off school tomorrow, I will be alone all day. I won’t have anything to do. It’s the perfect time, the one day I can attempt suicide. I want to so bad. What are the least painful ways of killing yourself?",3.9742248062015513,4.902297197674418,5.0015503875969,84.73317829457369,71.2093023255814,7.748837209302327,29.06201550387597,7.984000788550335,1.770564341085271,999,38,208,13,18,328,134,258,0.136,0.7759999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9521,0,1,0,0,0,2,30.0,1,1,3,3,11,11,2,0,11,0,38,4,1,2,4,33,53,9,3,4,2,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,9,16,0,1,3,0,0,5,7,8,0,3,6,4,38,3,34,42,9,39,0,1,2,1,15,13,0,2,20,153,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738441239570526,0.0,0.0,0.11378200434646905,0.0,0.0,0.1828249248239572,0.0,0.0,0.07470868307599683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895176863831947,0.07681678545636021,0.0,0.1808111189425693,0.39119537313532976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172865334577518,0.06696974013523341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155818887325852,0.0,0.2834028853771369,0.0,0.09462240370760122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917740753441559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554860303709208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487769506092724,0.0,0.0,0.1053878859277394,0.18730819954595404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210233633406649,0.0,0.09714898578561244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154400130869708,0.0,0.0,0.08955070164357752,0.0,0.11632605780106545,0.1193633964874302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010875195208884,0.0,0.0,0.09225487406878126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915309293144343,0.0,0.0,0.1113809694579344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537867962723033,0.0,0.08075986585044481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527976826967222,0.11699749593117635,0.14888818921009314,0.0,0.2337979338537626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048739634974813,0.07616320940691039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844784472467272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236871501489705,0.08754433209220745,0.0,0.11460811724532427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930841657932297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775959399202195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033839058211134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812069755872435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458784422894921,0.0,0.10731742308496572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25919349930884383,0.08720188962140438,0.08812320195869477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074634777193464
suicidewatch,Idontknowmyself1,2018/04/19,"I love my parents; life is meaningless without them I don't know if I am right here, but I will try.

You see, my parents are great people. Kind and selfless, hardworking, intelligent people. They are awesome and I can't imagine being ever without them. They are my only friends.

When I was 12, November 9th 2008 my mother almost died from a sudden brain aneurysm. She fully recovered without any long term damages, but it still wrecked me up. She hugs me every day and tells me she loves me and is proud.
Last year, when I was 21, I wrote an a newspaper article for my university and went 3 hours to the city to grab a paper and 3 hours back to show my achievement to my parents.
My father is the kind of man who does not think for himself but for his family. Does not matter how late it gets when I return home, the lights are on and he will excitenly ask how my day was. March the 8th 2017 the lights were out, noone was there. I knew, this time it was him.
I screamed for my brother, who is older than me but has Aspergers, and asked him what happened. He just told me: ""You could have convinced him sooner to go to the hospital, but you were not there."" Then he ran off to his room and locked it. He never really liked me, but I am sure he hated me from this moment on.
My father suffered from an aortic dissection (google it), one funny movement and he just bleed to death, the chances were against him, but he made it and to doctors surprises made a full recovery and is more cheerful than ever.

I was so happy, but I just do not feel the same anymore. Most of the time I feel empty, other times there is a fist in my stomach and I cannot sleep, sometimes I cry for days over ridiculous reasons. Like earlier this day I was corrected harshly by a TA. Others move on, I cannot.

I was never really able to make friends and I do not have a great job perspective. Most of all, my parents are in their 60s. When they are gone, then what? There will be nothing in this world to keep me here. I only want to live to make my parents to make them happy, they deserve it. There will be nothing without them.


Sorry, if this does not fit here. Others have it far worse than I do, but I wanted to get this of my chest.",3.0050754414125223,4.44016388314607,3.979357945425363,89.17808988764045,74.21348314606742,6.8834670947030485,25.07383627608347,7.447530270364453,1.0707836276083469,1708,55,361,20,35,551,217,445,0.091,0.73,0.179,0.9945,6,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,3,9,2,22,23,2,0,18,0,44,10,4,8,7,70,72,34,2,5,24,9,3,2,2,4,3,1,2,1,21,15,0,1,7,1,0,6,16,5,0,1,19,7,70,18,46,45,7,54,0,2,1,3,50,16,0,5,34,263,91,5,0.08165991707307667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177061119810418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553154384756672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098469506220858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268199836962745,0.0,0.0,0.06279143566333273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911594740095866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519879905492383,0.0,0.08969958445047442,0.210655563822993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475010148362859,0.0,0.0,0.08358238535125602,0.21438343118135894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773214022215966,0.06880200209741094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698170226999007,0.0,0.08257941535624369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618049872895284,0.0,0.0853278725637962,0.0,0.0464092127261569,0.0,0.0,0.18006069371579808,0.0,0.0,0.0722115949817041,0.17385700036855606,0.0,0.08062226200481347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819115549669599,0.0,0.16083713835864535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103486736311784,0.07258308634109792,0.0,0.1700724749300189,0.04487815483203607,0.0665637314185027,0.09211594331405784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767881439936895,0.07978982136033852,0.0,0.07210720285456099,0.07226645692194185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474025267489523,0.15453717597747627,0.16352588623778022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679156856300765,0.0,0.0,0.12596232444191904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670978562351914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553348731839815,0.12421209334173575,0.0,0.0,0.4533683705500288,0.0,0.0,0.11322540911205367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462686779738824,0.08395999519110585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973712299820098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507238136213787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171889088858149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076374602394573,0.09141159156742873,0.0,0.0,0.06521371525897415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769635054359523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137436682841007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052324377577493114,0.0,0.0,0.14284966301090574,0.0,0.0,0.0780295502221911,0.0,0.05544172339488269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963302696503948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569956124244269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148689840700385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321843189935482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525863092695129
suicidewatch,throwmeaway_pls111,2018/04/19,"I want to die but I don't want my parents and siblings to be sad As titled, i want to die. My depression is crippling. But I can't seem to muster the courage to do so. Also I'm afraid that my parents and siblings would be sad. I don't know what to do. ",-1.4106766917293214,0.4746395614035137,1.2488721804511298,100.61210526315791,91.98245614035088,3.9588972431077702,20.423558897243108,5.288315135182226,-0.3922862155388471,193,7,49,1,7,66,31,57,0.309,0.569,0.122,-0.9501,2,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,15,7,2,4,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,7,12,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386125319700893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956418404916603,0.0,0.5291381539667809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009861690753347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5661220422399394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23207166720336894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510792921921621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810894718417929,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ediciuStimmoCoTtnaWI,2018/04/19,"I will finalise my plans tonight. I will finish my plans tonight. I will write my note and put it away. I’ve given myself until the new year to see if things get better. I’ve come to this decision after a year of thinking about it. I believe people should have a choice whether they want to live or die and I do not want to live anymore. I don’t believe there is enough awareness for mental health in males. I was denied treatment for months and I don’t feel that it’s acceptable.

My mental health has always been a very strange situation. I have negative thoughts about myself but I also have very intrusive thoughts of being violent towards other people. I do not want to live like this anymore. I find it very hard to do anything and I feel like a failure to my girlfriend because I have no drive to do anything and it makes me feel useless. She deserves so much better then me. I can’t live feeling so shit about myself, and so violent towards other people. 

Things may change before this time, I could get more help other then the limited I currently have, everything could become better. Who knows what will happen but for now, on the 31st of December 2018 I will drive to my place of happiness and die via carbon monoxide poisoning.",3.6916895795975284,5.856937447698747,4.2033831440526015,85.1971408647141,74.10460251046025,6.728113169954175,27.28053397091054,7.62386473244151,1.6661379159195049,986,38,181,13,21,311,127,239,0.191,0.6890000000000001,0.12,-0.9754,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,6,9,12,4,0,7,0,26,4,1,1,0,36,44,19,2,7,7,0,5,2,1,7,3,0,0,1,16,8,0,1,11,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,5,6,31,7,26,29,3,24,0,1,1,0,7,6,1,3,16,133,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082577617728524,0.08592125065356666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481391651245487,0.0,0.0,0.1699496661800962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701691283749377,0.0,0.0,0.06294682012208434,0.11404343152430114,0.0878673281275864,0.23267910278430776,0.0,0.2739773362900438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923622561132497,0.08895002862061764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648906793572524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433679779069856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669600106340384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280414118804696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088470354729243,0.07376953014535814,0.0,0.0,0.09437849278754394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789900334898007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131317698024934,0.1099230327756333,0.09250138677938086,0.0,0.0,0.2195227855386458,0.0,0.0,0.06921353195962811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674943055561954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089601373498333,0.0,0.3647246832023312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892738022042863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812518145344425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242177868281682,0.0,0.07590856315861817,0.0,0.0,0.0997299159776676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214764093429794,0.0,0.10788554927382596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380561637134288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228548167856785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599571867109568,0.0,0.11606945620627042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720376317849542,0.06616534576373187,0.0,0.16395506836240095,0.06021219797821815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556029022234718,0.18271767082634646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299312849361025
suicidewatch,The_Foresaken_Jester,2018/04/19,"I'm a suffocater All I do is burden people with my problems. 
I drag people down. I'm in the way, a waste of space and money.
Nothing I do brings any good.

I feel like my existence is suffocating others.
I know I can't be helped, I'm sure everyone knows it. 
People seem to be blind to the truth or just choose to not accept it. 

I no longer enjoy things I used to. 
I get bored easily.
I'm not interested in getting a job, a family, making friends, pursuing hobbies or trying new things.
What's the point? 
I remember growing up and everyone made life seem amazing. It made me want to grow up so quickly so I could explore and experience the joys of life they bragged about.

I wish they were more realistic and prepared me for bitter reality.

I'm currently preparing myself to walk to a bridge to end my life. 
I don't think I can be helped.
I've tried everything. 

Goodbye. ",1.2467142857142868,3.665213600000005,3.600785714285717,84.83146428571432,84.42857142857143,7.1571428571428575,23.607142857142854,8.238735603445708,1.7241714285714282,680,26,137,16,20,234,108,175,0.123,0.682,0.195,0.9024,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,0,5,14,1,0,9,0,12,4,0,4,3,31,32,8,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,10,0,1,5,5,4,0,0,3,3,22,10,18,25,2,17,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,4,5,83,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178721055913076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195069221526205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257163299363106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28605040335641424,0.13452230677479982,0.146415297892227,0.14110453618334148,0.0,0.07568246582328905,0.106931083438816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564203066130704,0.0,0.15640274931046008,0.0,0.0,0.12554408509615553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065406263227653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853383384338112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451990630524807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31716922775559625,0.07312585590609395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283260773617445,0.09991224603229264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456141913525686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362154228705393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31130681121259685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149553297616135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322309193079533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955772492722634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725252382013196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410711820777399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198880852564064,0.09590859660727986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324514616221268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927505260241245,0.0,0.0,0.0882848626272455,0.11880864090481807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212406824291376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jpss13,2018/04/19,"Give me a valid reason not to do it I’m gonna do it soon. If I had a gun, it would’ve already been done. Someone please explain to me why I should live. 
I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to try anymore, I already have. 
I don’t care if it’s selfish. My family will get over it in a few years. Everyone dies eventually. 
I don’t believe things will get better. I know they won’t. This will be my third attempt and I won’t stop until I succeed. 

So you tell me. If I don’t want to live anymore and all I think about is dying all the time, why shouldn’t I do it? Maybe there’s someone out there who could change my mind, but I doubt it. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I’ve come to realize that the happiness that I experience only lasts for a moment and then I’m back to my suicidal and depressed self. 

I’m almost not scared anymore. I’m ready to do something that will certainly kill me. Maybe I’ll go  jump off a bridge. I’m ready for it. I kinda feel this tingly joy feeling inside my stomach knowing I’m going to be dead soon. 

I’m not sure exactly what this is. I’m just typing my thoughts and feelings out.

I truly have nothing to live for. I don’t care about anything anymore, just death.",0.27656197887715805,2.3444761322957213,2.4067634797109503,94.15532587548641,85.34241245136188,5.072206781545304,22.01903835464147,6.367922702773337,0.3179839911061699,934,33,211,9,28,314,128,257,0.161,0.679,0.161,-0.7934,0,0,1,1,0,5,30.0,0,1,1,3,10,14,1,2,7,0,28,1,1,2,5,44,57,12,6,9,9,0,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,17,8,0,1,10,0,0,4,12,5,0,1,4,3,31,9,21,41,3,19,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,6,10,129,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275697247996643,0.0,0.20444211978310228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511927834061179,0.0,0.0,0.07622775438947559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122783338002459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436387371193903,0.0,0.08192495095133502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888778385103047,0.0,0.0979917450088952,0.07979375408062278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395864016489882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978329421052734,0.0,0.1922735495261544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479408922397213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851327801683039,0.0,0.09061128959223423,0.08732464554556235,0.0,0.14051166633181048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967921727770775,0.08886048525231957,0.10528912538584154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972157082153442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248292619898328,0.0,0.10181559637904124,0.0755069591982343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271809141591908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061832182766219275,0.0,0.18612139556774898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353131376387698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776466458354193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045035835592194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168146704386072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524051305538096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274019703528116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663475856472853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697257932216654,0.07131218186127522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744400313391407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132372342363596,0.0,0.08730400386012876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096393169470838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154019008074407,0.059354464640462734,0.0,0.07353898929577589,0.05401411773142553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289064415480697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390920967868303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717087195254265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580269306194089,0.0,0.0,0.059651588391799876
suicidewatch,Little-Rocket,2018/04/19,"My friend. She's sick and I'm scared. I don't know how to help her anymore and I don't think she wants to help herself. 
I wrote her a song.
I wrote what I'd say at her funeral. 
I'm going to pay for her to get another tattoo (she loves them). 
I want to take her on holiday. 
I want to help more but nothing seems to work and I'm so scared of losing her. 
I've been there too so its not like I don't get it. I've attempted 4 times but I'm getting better now. I don't know how to make her happy. 

I cant lose her. I cant. 

If she goes I don't think I'll last much longer. ",-2.8751461988304072,-1.236525407407406,0.4669785575048735,104.36982456140352,99.37037037037035,4.027290448343081,13.031189083820665,5.750287758089431,-1.3001851851851849,430,8,122,4,19,152,73,135,0.135,0.6679999999999999,0.197,0.7336,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,5,7,9,0,2,1,0,8,2,0,3,0,20,29,10,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,2,1,1,8,4,0,0,3,2,26,5,12,26,2,6,0,2,0,1,22,2,0,2,4,66,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271128232440093,0.0,0.0,0.17280441486426587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541057173257468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346214073744967,0.0,0.27310777200568,0.0,0.09902756123603876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854872528424476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35037864891115583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152120730912892,0.1420330921802056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851274020461909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389871611671855,0.0,0.0,0.15726309375370728,0.0,0.11631002238457396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280902690908165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719296644492582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856677476260856,0.3488996800875156,0.0,0.0,0.15862628363550102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310107034569752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232985737235923,0.0,0.0,0.10160377592002727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083229961142633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685257904903555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tickledpink_9607,2018/04/19,Idk My mum just said it’d be more peaceful if I killed myself I want to die but I’m scared I don’t know how I’d do it and I’m scared of what death would be like I don’t know what to do I just don’t want to be here and I want my parents to get their wish and regret it ,-3.314428104575164,-1.8178093382352933,-0.1492156862745091,109.58964052287584,98.26470588235294,3.0222222222222217,10.496732026143787,3.1291,-2.3078875816993465,207,2,64,0,9,72,36,68,0.297,0.536,0.16699999999999998,-0.9214,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,2,0,0,10,0,0,1,0,16,20,6,3,7,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,10,1,5,14,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684992408304953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433456666842833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844651398323247,0.0,0.2826128110826995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256158246413394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855012870664263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445799614804777,0.0,0.5148438690459703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549680418035815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956752643103622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826506421846712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brumoir,2018/04/19,"Friends & Family I often read and think about suicide. The thought seems to cross my mind in hard times, and only fantasizing about it can ease the pain a bit. Therefore, I read a lot about committing suicide, articles, topics, forums, stories, methods, how to get help etc. What bugs my mind is, literally everything ever written about suicide mentions friends and family, mostly either in the context of ""ask for help from them"" or ""think about how they would feel if you did kill yourself"". Well first of all guiltripping somebody into living for others is kindof just as fucked up as suicide, if not more, but more importantly, my main question is: Which suicidal person has friends and family?? Are you fucking kidding me?? I imagine there are a few cases where a person is lets say terminally ill and in general would have an okay life with loved ones but something out of control that only concerns said person is happening. But in MOST cases, obviously, if somebody is desperate enough to consider taking their own life, they probably DON'T have friends and a fucking family, I would say loneliness is possibly the main reason for suicide to begin with?? I mean if you're surrounded by loving people then why would you even wanna die?? It annoys me because this whole ""imagine how your friends and family would feel"" seems like a very hypocritical statement coming from someone who doesn't know anything about nor ever had to deal with suicidal thoughts and feelings. It's condescending, patronizing and ignorant to assume that someone who's about to take their own life has the luxury of love.",12.88382011605416,9.879721379432628,11.354990328820119,59.31409090909091,55.06382978723404,14.368020631850419,46.55834945196648,12.40481918309499,5.830513475177304,1287,59,197,29,11,405,170,282,0.188,0.662,0.15,-0.9541,0,0,2,0,0,6,42.0,0,4,5,2,18,18,5,0,12,1,24,11,0,6,5,68,50,24,9,10,11,0,4,1,5,5,5,3,0,4,11,15,0,2,17,2,0,2,4,7,1,2,6,7,19,11,37,38,16,17,0,0,0,6,32,9,3,14,7,151,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662769465695055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058198512150463975,0.0,0.06611590046032287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311172075885183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772105476923859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092108843538775,0.0,0.0,0.0793211891859184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291169260979988,0.0,0.0,0.0733986892171632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307514811725664,0.07887417453814669,0.04671148052031938,0.1279449258199096,0.0,0.0,0.06356073606902413,0.0,0.3333539394884786,0.0,0.10727811655727916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060156440298127785,0.0,0.0,0.2731997675914917,0.19614516732161805,0.03694953687507747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253958786068974,0.0,0.06335338225036244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480747261863584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824386108939478,0.0,0.03886718341915681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231844917970738,0.14985997532987708,0.034551394029019335,0.0,0.062449177994946085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060125658408197225,0.1914891910677104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703743040680283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428189337107744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792333092942395,0.10757514948775,0.0752536236361849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049030009813658855,0.18525622456730864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972888372256327,0.0,0.0,0.07625071257475817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922527751501816,0.0,0.14148308399610413,0.0,0.0,0.07271440960925496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727320100666141,0.11248258772317343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876604001788447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984572598444652,0.05444556140699496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415118151152593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063488918575192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063212104905402,0.0,0.11229137723763126,0.0412388022219237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835338954606613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635879341758466,0.0,0.06381596900273477,0.07895903787769679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511958316475971,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onedayatatime234,2018/04/19,"I feel like I'm dying and it's terrifying. Everything hurts so bad and I haven't been this deeply sad in a while. I thought so many things would help me but I just turn everything into a bad situation. I don't know how to live in this world. I wasn't meant for it or something, it's so hard to describe. I can't live the next 60 years in this pain. What a horrible existence. I don't know what to make of my life sometimes. Yet I know I'll be ok soon and forget only to be brought right back to this horrible feeling. I have so many good things in my life and yet I appreciate nothing. I hate myself with a deep passion. ",0.495563909774436,2.526307390977447,2.576654135338348,93.50979323308269,84.1127819548872,6.2060150375939855,21.530075187969928,7.447530270364453,0.6347533834586461,485,16,114,8,14,163,79,133,0.235,0.604,0.161,-0.9198,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,1,0,5,1,10,4,0,2,0,20,22,12,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,3,16,4,13,14,0,16,0,2,0,1,1,8,0,1,8,72,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251511670989442,0.27179293978764457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891752832821152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925535196884901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459107999369213,0.11627463717411335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651402823636372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457995620235303,0.16069022912867306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090935281855127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423623898388574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683432889442393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299221498189034,0.07951553552146177,0.0,0.2874373072746416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864249929070206,0.33002295380109964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309541035214132,0.0,0.0,0.15617107937907446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237851013064107,0.1731864184216712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899478871836074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294726672093284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529937195609908,0.16097222443477166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162589046055673,0.0,0.0,0.1292119934147004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703440757237618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561890126599073,0.0,0.0,0.10481107668555352
suicidewatch,ColaEdits,2018/04/19,"Getting help? I want to stop being sad, 

I want to stop having suicidal thoughts,

I want to stop being angry all the time,

I tried to kill myself yesterday and it didn't even work... I don't really want to try calling suicide hotlines because I've heard a lot of bad stories about it even though I'm not American

I just want it to STOP",5.147608695652174,4.89559734782609,6.1867753623188415,81.430597826087,68.27536231884058,9.218840579710145,31.74275362318841,8.841846274778883,2.45151884057971,263,10,54,4,4,88,45,69,0.393,0.498,0.109,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,15,14,2,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,8,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933000534211515,0.1017227868333455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039356985263432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043295382325007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718301652022588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184986539204173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461762746921204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186744174937174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690159814800576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5580452725380233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650587686869519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639495461181655,0.132476640098169,0.09730360592999353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658840734752794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492123103388583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148380560882008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Y2Gaymoses,2018/04/19,"Embarrassment about virginity makes me wanna kill myself This is so fucking pathetic and stupid. I'm 17 and male in high school and still a virgin no one will ever love me or give a shot about me and frankly life in general seems ccomepltly worthless and I might as well just fucking end it. I see my best friend happy with his girlfriend and I wanna fucking pummel I wanna tear his throat,open. What kind of loathsome miserable f uck does that make me. To hate seeing people happy f uck this fuck,life. I've never once had girlfriend and probably never will. Everyone says it gets better but what exactly is,gonna happen that's gonna make me not a,fucking miserable loathsome piece of shit",3.944772727272728,6.320632719696974,4.612121212121213,81.58818181818184,74.07575757575758,7.4303030303030315,26.15151515151515,8.344100000000001,1.9675333333333336,557,20,98,10,12,178,91,132,0.191,0.7,0.11,-0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,19,7,3,2,0,5,8,1,3,4,25,21,11,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,1,3,13,8,12,16,2,8,0,3,2,6,9,3,4,3,5,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382441496189924,0.11650586363689727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152791797071574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667506603567855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915874175080007,0.0,0.12587515499166213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177547986118693,0.608918542848722,0.06882430536567459,0.12636892005788325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648978732588028,0.2804613996295177,0.0,0.13005764734945466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391816303260386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457414583249669,0.1371781528963846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304589968264472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889287999131815,0.0,0.2637955263963009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974637243446428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031990068773636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028981680528987,0.08926471725959992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132608018622708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202890673130902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475822730815673,0.0,0.13331937595920287,0.2099460029261116,0.11992346871466672,0.0,0.0,0.1352205577966088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520099747378744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844249669723922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Purplethundershow,2018/04/19,"I don't think it will ever go away Well I don't know where to start. I've been suicidal since I was about 12 years old. I've seen a therapist, been hospitalized, all that great stuff. I'm 22 now and it feels like it never ends.

Something terrible happens, my life runs out of control, and I get suicidal all over again. I've felt these past few years that I could control myself better, But I can slowly feel that slipping away. It hurts. Oh God does it hurt. I feel like a failure, I feel like a burden. I spend too much money, I am becoming an alcoholic like all of the other males in my family. My health insurance company was bought by another, and now theyre randomly cutting peoples insurance (including mine). Can you believe it? Us, United states military members cant even use their own fucking medical insurance. And the process to get into contact with them is archaic. It's so frustrating. I'm depressed. At work my managers are getting more and more on me about things. I think they don't like me or they want to get rid of me. Maybe I put too much on them by needing to go away for drill. My basement flooded the other day. I saw a rat in the kitchen too.
I'm doing all of the writing and mixing for my bands album, and I have no time to get most of it done. God bless my band members for their patience and ongoing friendship. 

It just feels so much easier to end all of it. But I'd upset my mother and the rest of my family. It's so ironic. On my birthday on Facebook my donations went towards the national suicide prevention lifeline. My Ex Girlfriend's mother donated and messaged me. She's such a blessing. She got me to start going to church. 

In the end I guess all I wanted to say is that I'm more overwhelmed right now then I've ever been. Wow I used a lot of personal pronouns just now. There's no way life could stay forever stable. It will never all go away. So why should I continue to suffer?
",2.15033538720067,4.288435365284975,3.7941926900994254,86.44141786864586,78.76683937823834,7.178154320123233,25.97647388320964,8.186683628785799,1.7891990757596972,1505,60,301,29,37,501,207,386,0.116,0.755,0.128,-0.2337,0,0,2,0,0,1,47.0,1,1,6,4,23,22,3,2,15,0,23,7,0,4,11,54,60,18,3,6,5,3,6,5,1,3,5,1,1,2,21,13,2,3,9,2,5,7,8,11,1,0,12,9,47,11,42,43,18,51,3,5,2,1,22,19,1,5,27,205,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920968529601401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036394932934892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238639787853497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517556889709854,0.0,0.09709180827851566,0.0,0.07621642765914187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330934763791774,0.13761041739884391,0.0,0.0,0.055576944064281916,0.0,0.07422400136945823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541394901924241,0.08818884552210253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289813521622005,0.0,0.0,0.0569190018408553,0.15590380324390835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247974402907106,0.0,0.21786804320874595,0.184694293349811,0.08274329784904749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966911642486953,0.22511925697756768,0.0,0.1959051769962284,0.0,0.06892350560933815,0.09501028998434101,0.09493352456033982,0.0,0.07620591077220243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091601970057628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845082173100774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736054734170779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173852647011585,0.21050829886310168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732644828101761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657623664330498,0.0,0.0,0.08681411799456179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900497184156549,0.06389904813507412,0.13292981078055632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042811578069868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226556190975567,0.05974418253831276,0.07524630825741485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663154432310533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359456572116277,0.0,0.06853129622914061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128638732085085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634315537489963,0.0,0.0,0.1219928470383744,0.09185306424686787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865188457832216,0.2827904861753208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005797401687257,0.057252075112074724,0.1104373016519506,0.0,0.0,0.05025041881434877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366014928819166,0.1488582722024809,0.0,0.0,0.1016586870224944,0.06840317853982518,0.0,0.0,0.07748334461025667,0.07988681057381522,0.07776121023529893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273777885884509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099014204151768
suicidewatch,throwme988,2018/04/19,"Last words Life’s hard.

Especially when you’re considered ugly, unattractive, boring. When no one needs you, when no one told you that you look great. When you fucking hate that refection in the mirror. But it doesn’t define who I am. It only shows a part of me. A part that you might hate or dislike.

But I decided to cut toxic people from my life and dedicate my life to improve myself and others. To invent, create, find something new.

Even when I don’t have the “face”, “body”, I can still do a lot of useful things. While other people are wasting their time on relationships. I fully enjoy my life. 

But things don’t get better. I never dated someone. Wasn’t asked out either. I’m not used to these kind of things. Affection, warmth, hugs, kisses... No one showed it to me.

Instead, I was taught to fight, work harder, and solve different problems. And yet I cannot solve mine.

People don’t like me and I don’t like them back.

Sometimes my body betrays me. I get very upset for no reason. The only emotions I can feel are emptiness and this... disappointment? And it ruins me.

Doctors told me that it wasn’t depression and that it will go away, but it isn’t going anywhere. My temperature would drop and I would suddenly get very weak. Plus I get this massive headache and can’t fall asleep. I can’t focus anymore. I have nightmares all the time.

This time it was about disposing of dead bodies.

I feel half-alive all the fucking time. I just want to quit. Please fucking kill me, I’m too weak to do this myself. There’s no energy left.
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suicidewatch,throwawaysgsjdjsvsvf,2018/04/19,"mentally ill, no skills, just a burden i recently “took a break” aka dropped out of college because i’m too emotionally unstable to handle it. i have so many mental disorders it’s fucking stupid and you’d think i’m lying. adhd, ocd, anxiety, depression, autism, a bunch of other shit, all diagnosed and medicated by a therapist i’ve been seeing for several years. i feel like i haven’t gotten any better with any of this in all of these years and at this rate of “recovery” i’ll die miserable anyway. now that i’ve dropped out i need to find a job but there’s nothing i can do. i have absolutely no marketable skills. i can’t work a desk job because i have adhd, i cant do any work with deadlines because i have adhd, i can’t talk to people because i have anxiety/autism, i can’t even fucking wash dishes in my own home because i have ocd. there’s no entry level job i can do.  the only thing i’m good for is art but so what? i can’t make money off of it. no one wants to commission me. no one wants my art. i feel like a fucking burden because i’ve been living with my boyfriend who’s been really understanding about everything and taking care of me and supporting me but it’s not fair. it’s not fair that i lay around and cry all day begging people to buy my shitty art or even look at it. it’s not fair that i’m holding him back. lately he’s even started to acknowledge this and is gently pressuring me to get a job. i look and i look and there’s no place for me in the world. i’m useless to him and to everyone around me and i should just do them a favor and leave for good. i don’t know a good reason why i shouldn’t. i’m not doing anything valuable for anyone.",1.6061698717948725,3.413019783475786,3.7823993945868963,87.48120592948719,79.08547008547008,7.0085826210826205,23.504362535612536,7.972316293177498,1.2442456552706551,1308,44,280,23,32,449,160,351,0.192,0.7120000000000001,0.097,-0.977,4,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,5,17,21,5,2,12,0,28,9,1,2,3,47,57,18,1,5,10,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,18,19,1,1,8,3,2,1,18,11,0,2,5,6,38,10,36,49,5,25,0,3,4,3,7,13,4,1,10,178,56,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178510830974012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798540657456121,0.0,0.06744163235138155,0.0,0.0,0.061643040732765365,0.0,0.07254760208786402,0.1569609570186321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778906915232627,0.0,0.32244658985613145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796974724347669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988429405953344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683886455233508,0.05685546298019306,0.0,0.0759314862152552,0.08947984590660445,0.09149544726041764,0.0,0.10103820927769563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916736004281924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174685182309912,0.0,0.0,0.08424000056787806,0.07923190504983636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915199404195241,0.12596206016722178,0.0,0.0,0.08057601399637193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445055899971631,0.046059601860846,0.0,0.0,0.2218315445606952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843097797288207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34993805568524705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048450052291354594,0.0,0.09944754384704896,0.09334798217229204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614037345552014,0.0,0.07784628761949243,0.0,0.22209485568419474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884702530561613,0.08937970518241559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881123197578053,0.17768770234062753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536901276024165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459123750121886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947806273824678,0.06704912936092611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223713324936035,0.0,0.0921077172514602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056477112693651736,0.09064245561377517,0.08704668494783413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025155761234561,0.0,0.0,0.09959492897115077,0.09049426684979768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062399614763059975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004214248396294,0.0,0.0,0.06628483103672503,0.07085911554292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235975607096236,0.05856912955323454,0.05648892739084808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979482393960488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177695286178393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039972926531786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079550066745563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283620581672474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354341297911395
suicidewatch,1eahmari3,2018/04/19,"If you check yourself into a hospital... What is that like? I’m in Florida to be more specific. It would be like a voluntary bakeract... 

do they keep you locked in a holding cell with the crazies at the hospital? That’s how my last involuntary visit was like I was handcuffed for that visit and I wasn’t really suicidal then just someone tried getting revenge on me and I had a suspicious text a cop saw :( I don’t want that treatment because it made me actually feel suicidal like as soon as I got out I wanted to take my life. 

If I were to voluntarily go to the hospital do they just keep you in a normal hospital room and give you peace? I don’t know what to do. I want anxiety medication but no one will prescribe it. I’ve been drinking like crazy to self medicate. And cutting but nothing that causes injury/permanent damage. ",2.31970046914471,4.777100883435583,4.582540599061712,79.28576326236019,80.04294478527606,8.497870804763624,28.606640202093104,9.168548406835145,2.982815517863587,656,31,123,19,17,227,99,163,0.155,0.755,0.09,-0.9141,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,2,0,4,7,1,0,9,0,16,4,0,3,0,26,31,12,2,7,6,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,10,7,1,3,2,1,1,3,4,2,0,1,9,2,19,5,17,18,1,14,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,2,8,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.16289797823891106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769972170871854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017579655051894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714813857089198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635262210113628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844039833557012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721316692038697,0.16013287253682676,0.09486922138141723,0.0,0.13350784113605202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29674715351330005,0.0,0.0,0.09173944904155484,0.1360688751428871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790642182532307,0.40776377048685375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795162962550294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363254776760543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355432905132122,0.16017224244544073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311496200505575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069385678020814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414266230859646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143783913062347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651850165319742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550933572896858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133333840750971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953759762459029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118581101945903,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadhermit,2018/04/19,"while having a knife at hand and drinking, this message arrived. ""sooner or later they will be experiencing what you experienced, at the very least you laugh like you got nothing to lose and be able to wake up the next day...if people experienced the mental hell you have been through they might kill themselves, go on a rampage or go depressed like you but on an even more depressing level....F***, i know i would.""

-friend",4.128736263736266,6.495602679487183,4.337765567765569,83.8096153846154,73.48717948717949,6.508424908424907,27.809523809523807,7.447530270364453,1.5847523809523811,331,13,61,4,7,103,60,78,0.133,0.708,0.159,0.0827,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,5,2,1,1,9,2,0,6,0,8,3,2,0,0,8,12,6,1,1,3,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,4,9,4,8,5,2,10,1,3,0,0,9,5,1,3,5,42,11,0,0.2363674339629553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243744071617754,0.0,0.4071658490393992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155009926176606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611846089817008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261689314500806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686661196216015,0.0,0.1890446295161977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615055449311417,0.0,0.12990136016361378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309543777080797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26443469815648035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382027792208759,0.2507484945988389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25137944754967656,0.0,0.0,0.22680092775240224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386741727445164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502788741967544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790864337429728,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sorren11,2018/04/19,"I think I might really do it. This should be strong enough.

https://files.catbox.moe/tcu0b5.jpg

All based on this 

https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/8dduft/31_years_old_virgin_last_attempt_also_ended_in/",32.10666666666666,41.64928911111111,11.73166666666667,18.96750000000003,46.77777777777778,8.466666666666667,15.611111111111107,8.07648339933343,1.8185111111111123,196,2,15,3,4,39,16,18,0.0,0.82,0.18,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951699415446132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.611053155129123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690052888861994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690824827359573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KyanC18,2018/04/19,"I’m really suicidal right now, could you help? I’ve had depression long term, roughly since 14 or 15. 

It started with bullying and getting attacked consistently at school for my appearance (I wasn’t good looking, somewhat chubby, riddled with acne and my hair was basically skinhead.)

I had a bully called Levi who, on my first week, started a fight with me. This was warped by my school and they called my mum and told her that I was the instigator and I was the bully and I kept antagonising him. 

My mum waited for me to come home and when I walked through the door she beat the living crap out of me, until I was a fat sobbing wreck on the living room floor. 

When my birthday came a month later she forced me to buy him apology gifts with my birthday money that my grandad sent, since she refused to get me anything this year for being a supposed bully. 

I was forced to give someone who was still making my school life misery an apology card and chocolate as well as ask for forgiveness. 

This made the situation worse and he kept beating me up, until he was expelled. 

Then his friends blamed it all on me, and started to bully me as a group. 

At one point my arm was dislocated by one and I had to pretend I fell off my bike because they knew where I lived. 

A year passes and my mum decides to divorce my step dad. 

He tells me he’ll still be my dad, but a month later says I’m not his kid and refuses to speak to me. 

My mum gets into a relationship with a drug addicted, alcoholic and she partakes in his vices. This is where she picks up her heavy alcoholism. 

Almost daily they fight, and if I tried to stop them then she’d attack me and call me names and such. 

My step dad comes pick up my half brother and sister one day and gives me my old desk, as I sit on the stairs before taking it up to my room she asks if I said anything to him. I didn’t. She then accuses me of being loyal to him and calls me two faced and a backstabber and says I’m scum. I cry and take the desk upstairs, and as I’m up there I get an idea “If I die, I don’t need to keep to keep dealing with this.”

15 year old me goes to the bathroom and slits his wrists but doesn’t cut deep enough to exsanguinate himself. He then goes downstairs to ask his mum for help and shows her the bloody wrists and she beats him up for trying to “manipulate her”.

Forward another few months, I turn 16. On my 16th I really feel no point in celebrating my birthday because of how depressed I am. I ask to be alone and say “I just don’t care about it.” She accuses me of fishing for attention and starts to hit me and then her boyfriend just says to me to make a list. 

I write a small list. She forces me to write a bigger list. 

When she gets all of it I’m forced to put it all into social media for others to see so they can see how great of a Mum she is. 

Through more months of abuse between her and her boyfriend she makes everyone move house so her and her boyfriend can move to his home city, because it’ll make everyone happier. 

We move there and they still abuse each other, but this time the government has lost all of my School coursework and I get put onto a maths band where my level is capped at a C grade. 

I eventually get a girlfriend and a big group of friends who make me feel somewhat human. 

The local college is informed that I’m good at computer science and building PCs and they offer me an unconditional spot on the Level 3 Networking course. 

Enrolment day for college. 
“Kyan, were moving back.”

I’d failed all of my subjects at school bar English and maths, my girlfriend still lived here, all of my friends still lived here, I hadn’t experienced any issues here. 

She broke up with her boyfriend again and we had to leave. 

I get back to where we used to live. I get put on a resit course at college, because they won’t accept me without 5 GCSEs that are 6 or higher. 

My girlfriend now lives 50 miles away and we can’t see each other very often. 

My little brother and sister are only allowed to come see us once every 2 weeks because of my mum irrationally moving so much. 

I can’t take computer science again at college because they don’t do it as a course. 

My mum now threatens to kick me out and leave me homeless if I cannot find a job and says “she doesn’t care if it’s too stressful on top of college”. 

I’ve tried to get her to take me to a doctor and she refuses, she thinks depression is a myth and that the only way to fix being sad is going out and working. 

She’s just told me that the rest of my family fear me and that I’m abusive and manipulative and I couldn’t argue back or ask why because she then threatened to kick me out. 

Life feels so meaningless right now. 

It feels like I’m a tragedy script and that I was authored to feel awful at all times.

Please help.  ",3.1195370370370377,4.473803385802473,4.105140740740744,88.71393333333334,73.78395061728395,6.994699588477367,25.51144032921811,7.504730514565872,1.1077659094650207,3729,122,799,44,75,1206,384,972,0.161,0.772,0.067,-0.9983,2,1,3,0,6,1,75.0,5,1,9,8,40,30,7,2,43,1,49,15,7,14,7,144,123,84,2,8,16,15,7,1,6,3,8,7,5,2,30,73,4,9,14,5,2,21,16,17,1,6,28,20,153,13,117,83,17,129,0,8,5,0,135,57,2,13,52,520,183,23,0.0,0.1683685550470747,0.0,0.05163766770609679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124310227283644,0.04743180180285295,0.04905854066530034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03221158730491781,0.04966905094839826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795898553845228,0.0,0.22141152485660973,0.10777494969065228,0.044503412539031215,0.109268264758996,0.0,0.20212391379881947,0.0,0.04030633255579291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347043243371245,0.054175907119176164,0.09658883517934162,0.0,0.0,0.12240896056008466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037819168393703806,0.0,0.05203107631353763,0.06109635727017838,0.04883390811655098,0.12239291441912123,0.0,0.04916008279067802,0.0,0.0,0.048482738212459034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493136925683928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048943385361510924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399092397538485,0.09052352933838743,0.0,0.0,0.04465395074118096,0.05330171070416051,0.11975239039987855,0.03383941765255393,0.0,0.0,0.04329312154439971,0.04029085010903603,0.0,0.0,0.10978825373942397,0.0,0.24747612133532085,0.09087862210042852,0.026920094488722016,0.07945937874663729,0.0,0.05222293811722148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524849665879112,0.0,0.09502711508768602,0.0,0.0,0.05465584222159908,0.0,0.05347224649692065,0.0,0.049439460238071366,0.047005026764151116,0.08420498551073907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031088254853272,0.0,0.0,0.06691426302749312,0.02314141313851622,0.04747477174684391,0.2927851648618301,0.04191882892267567,0.03977684799165623,0.0,0.05170732283839937,0.0,0.0,0.04482036146445121,0.15809117954116705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512334421552341,0.251721273567706,0.03482063078168299,0.03512246975624761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994086407956588,0.05044494025962416,0.09629251998459312,0.0720503773492557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051995392506901605,0.08955537122357353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285254088574514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060689785534268736,0.0,0.0,0.05085506767776008,0.0,0.08090333061931512,0.045057427678259813,0.18834305435007287,0.0,0.2396926629766179,0.15098335455172165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836592424400855,0.05324315876120501,0.0,0.048285295563506976,0.04013440753739396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410810350497174,0.0,0.18913910338137865,0.039601428434511414,0.05425941734042345,0.0,0.0,0.05181245828603319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245813880801536,0.0,0.041401363785914296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03035124074957185,0.0,0.0,0.055240848386815915,0.0,0.0,0.09052352933838743,0.0,0.09647845835359148,0.05152233885489031,0.04627125523714168,0.0,0.056977381738245216,0.04091039159415208,0.0,0.0390832246705913,0.0,0.03759819026439445,0.0759908513069055,0.0,0.04258915441015583,0.0,0.04274188480750412,0.0,0.0,0.04566066899663209,0.0,0.034484171593386154,0.0,0.04827162363543551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150952997424434
suicidewatch,NateDD7ye,2018/04/19,"I really badly want to die I can’t feel this way anymore. Hey, My name is Nathan I’m 16 years of age turning 17 in September and I was born and raised in Northern Territory Australia. Through my childhood it hasn’t. Been the best I don’t have much friends. When I was in year 7 ( my start to high school ) my depression really hit me hard and it’s been a downwards slope ever since I’ve been thinking a lot about killing my self recently. I just want all this suffering and pain just to end. I really badly just want to see my useless life hanging on a noose. I think I have major issues within myself. And I’ve suffered with anxiety all my life too. Always there’s 3 things on my mind 1. Killing myself 2. What do people think of me am I doing good do they know how I am how do I hide this. And 3 just my computer because it helps distance myself from all this shit I’m thinking of. I’ve tried to kill myself once but failed and no one knows. I tried hanging myself but no matter how good I tried to tie this noose I failed a lot (I’m a failure in life at pretty much everything and I’m a disappointment to everyone). I think this week end I’m going to go by a near by lake and drown myself. I feel like I’m Alone. And I’ve had been seeing a therapist since I was 8. On and off. I made this post so see if there is anyway I could better this because I don’t want to kill myself because  people tell me I’m a useless selfish prick who gives up so I deserve to die. Please help I really need it.

EDIT: I just want some new people to speak to, to help me through it. Sorry for my selfishness ☹️",-0.16596713021491993,2.0409348790560493,2.142517909818796,94.07789823008852,89.58997050147494,5.1164770332911935,18.985882848714713,6.655083550727371,0.1314750105351874,1240,37,277,16,42,419,165,339,0.245,0.6409999999999999,0.114,-0.9941,0,1,0,0,1,5,29.0,0,0,1,4,17,25,6,0,10,0,23,6,2,4,4,50,55,20,7,8,8,0,3,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,16,12,0,0,9,0,0,4,6,19,0,1,9,7,46,6,36,44,10,33,0,8,3,0,12,14,2,4,14,173,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090215946173074,0.0,0.0,0.07247949125061387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666361470086407,0.0,0.08638612890844957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546038805173894,0.1592977335730805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914127782611487,0.07703851995267487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954736145525163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502460278040217,0.0,0.1808053530644303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543008072243094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879271323642982,0.0,0.08323388485916604,0.07828560324826422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808721221545736,0.06222881969316903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729817788755475,0.0,0.0,0.08356038284577863,0.09900913326948606,0.14612140799008505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803021258126294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515672360212695,0.09203267947384744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091643622449716,0.0,0.0,0.3854812417027256,0.0,0.0957427836337623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457744980689214,0.04255578037505543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481094691563429,0.0,0.08242216874980693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795261880447804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806643286618294,0.06458828163301329,0.0,0.08412789056891781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276545843902603,0.059025541607982124,0.0,0.09268733635461536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181165801385418,0.0,0.0,0.0956166544711012,0.0,0.0,0.08342383953334638,0.08861851005829838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321032589897868,0.0,0.08600704776209178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815631320429512,0.20823753625588326,0.0,0.09087095798486336,0.0,0.0894134536635181,0.14411060556477698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975084678259834,0.06165434847379748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761348208925373,0.0,0.0,0.10113722808154307,0.05786961244863033,0.2790712753188478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741855521285682,0.09474673493766077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568880170942317,0.06914099488280892,0.06987148881905991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218731361243583
suicidewatch,missupeep,2018/04/19,"I really need someone. I don't wanna die alone. I have a gun and I'm just gonna do it regardless, but I just don't want to die so lonely... Anyone?",-3.2199019607843167,-1.8261045588235267,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,109.2941176470588,4.619607843137255,11.549019607843142,6.42735559955562,-0.7192980392156865,111,2,28,2,6,42,25,34,0.099,0.652,0.25,0.6837,0,3,0,1,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,8,3,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36857687171193176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24883452037159065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7386795156303391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26387515515134463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798121380840994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015298493908813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990298442191013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway9152525,2018/04/19,"Too much energy to get better. I’m tired what’s the point of even trying? things get good only to get bad again. the bad is inevitable. trying to be happy, pretending is exhausting me. i use to wake up eager to start the day and to experience life, it’s the opposite now, i’m so fucking tired. my one class of college is too much, I can barely even get out of bed to my 15 hr a week job. i don’t do shot except smoke all my money away. what do you do when you have no motivation left for life.. even the most simple parts of life are draining me.. someone please say something",0.3612142857142828,2.6007928833333342,2.5028571428571422,92.38500000000002,86.83333333333334,5.428571428571429,17.738095238095234,6.868970318607317,0.0440595238095236,446,11,98,6,14,150,79,120,0.13,0.72,0.15,0.1779,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,2,9,8,1,0,6,0,11,8,1,2,1,7,20,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,10,4,16,19,5,11,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,6,64,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612629551831624,0.0,0.2597234236768605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755434331709554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003044918153715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081798567953856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213895513198156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437857077412062,0.32503367069440475,0.0,0.0,0.13045184625167286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556541639855274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434030875184285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898465673835042,0.0,0.32956798644273105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286660502394432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539168742869873,0.1182881731093057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684246875371042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072610070948388,0.1470268670879019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368432553186028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178073234537255,0.11973519950306608,0.0,0.0,0.11008549258431227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332774491612977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575195236622217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111903921100275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343286644954271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475741702978885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeetWolf,2018/04/19,"I feel like I don't deserve to live I don't want to kill myself, but this is how my mindset has been lately. I feel as though I should commit suicide as a form of self-punishment. I don't intend to do anything, I just wanted to vent a
little bit...",1.9794444444444463,2.8047963888888887,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,75.85185185185185,6.140740740740743,22.759259259259267,5.985473137389443,0.33757037037036985,191,5,43,1,4,66,37,54,0.146,0.716,0.138,-0.3489,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,1,10,12,5,2,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,9,1,7,10,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321693562926675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080134267075525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285307308212056,0.20155408024998145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121355888963711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182554843355536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783470769824116,0.28276887187480176,0.2491263937917915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943236341036428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086049672176848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771917764755184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33281574850986945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RayanAuditore,2018/04/19,"a cycle that ruins my life im 14 , and my everyday life is always the same,over and over, for 4 years it hasn't changed at all , its not that im getting bored ,its because of the frustration it gives me.
i always try my best in nearly everything , outside of my house things start getting worse , everyone knows me where i live as the shy student who dosen't talk at all , even if its true everyone starts annoying me and bullying me about it , if i don't want to talk its none of their business , and so i get angrier and angrier everyday. i feel more than sad , i feel dead , i can't talk to anyone not even my familly , for 4 years i only felt anger and rage comming out of my chest. i feel that my day is near , i know that im not going to live as far as i thought , then depression came. i barely talk these days , i don't want to live anymore , i lost the will to live. ",4.9054945054945085,4.089899109890112,5.901406593406595,85.16859340659343,68.8901098901099,9.697582417582417,30.83736263736264,9.120678840339163,2.2276553846153844,666,23,153,11,10,222,100,182,0.258,0.706,0.036000000000000004,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,4,0,5,0,7,3,1,0,3,25,25,13,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,14,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,4,4,26,2,23,20,5,20,0,4,0,0,7,9,0,2,9,96,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761242472060656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776415715170338,0.08302998755717142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238647981819502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461663603688547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581382793985308,0.0,0.0,0.1256175582069759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531627358964281,0.0,0.10227578459313524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686127032022276,0.0,0.0,0.2269338473839836,0.10672127805859744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012468726414793,0.0,0.11401481395769952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861197042164187,0.11391201552202285,0.06748610730177795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701697943078012,0.0,0.0,0.3847982790786684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051942899232155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774767029828405,0.0,0.0,0.4194196921880809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962532277967326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031170932484156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809810728870367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817742546054645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888958818760182,0.0,0.0,0.0942710864829047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062076200473353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400789742415026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101235282278885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293710457478404
suicidewatch,FalseOffMyChest,2018/04/19,I just don't know anymore I don't know I don't know I don't know. I try and I try but I just don't know why it feels like it's getting worse. The more I try the worse I feel. I want to keep try I don't want to feel like this but I don't know what to do. ,-4.728181818181817,-3.626996242424241,-1.092424242424242,113.58136363636363,109.9090909090909,2.4000000000000004,9.030303030303033,3.1291,-2.649678787878788,192,2,64,0,11,68,24,66,0.14400000000000002,0.693,0.163,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,17,21,3,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,9,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,12,2,3,21,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754466284712693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26835218668636673,0.2527682799742897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242788124623147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157245239644388,0.0,0.0,0.5833488130993726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285803364750596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804395911497598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208691543715854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963325398474545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605716683181287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Im_In_Over_My_Head_,2018/04/19,"Just talking.. I dont really know where to start or how I even got to this place but I feel like talking will eleviate some of whats going on. So about six months ago I moved back home I started a new job and everything was looking great. About 3 months into my job I had saved up and started gambling I did something miraculous and won 9,500 dollars off 50 dollars. I had this great job more money than I could Imagine and things seemed like they were finally going to work for me. Well after I won things seemed to just get worse. The money I had won sat there and I was still stuck in my head.. You see nothing seemed to make me happy. I could buy anything smoke as much weed as possible and virtually do anything I wanted, but nothing seemed to do it for me. I used to be a joyful person whod get off by the little things. Even a video game would bring me more joy than I could imagine. Once I could do anything it almost seemed like nothing had galore. So I started to over compensate for my unhappyness by spending large amounts on random things that I rememberd used to make me happy. Still nothing. I even tried to find a girlfriend.. Which seemed to make more unhappy. I am simply writing this bc I have come to realization that life is what you make it.. Wether you have 100 bucks or 10,000 a gf that loves you or youre alone a closet full of everything you could imagine or one that is empty. Your mind has a funny way of working you think the grass is greener on the other side and youre so lost in that fantasy that you forget how greatful you can be about your current situation. I am suicidal in a long term sence but as of right now I will continue to smoke my cigerettes and take the most noble route of suicide. Thank you. ",3.3535960591133005,5.0000917816092,4.041050903119871,88.22689655172415,73.71264367816093,6.92545155993432,25.64696223316913,7.5804360353943165,1.2223100164203609,1372,46,281,17,28,436,181,348,0.086,0.7120000000000001,0.202,0.9945,5,1,3,0,0,1,28.0,0,13,1,6,20,18,0,0,13,0,32,3,1,8,0,55,70,23,2,7,9,0,1,3,2,3,1,0,2,1,21,10,0,0,13,3,8,5,1,1,1,2,15,3,47,17,43,44,9,41,0,1,2,1,23,17,0,14,21,196,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675038657019808,0.0,0.07540374470198016,0.07798981980810013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185900573644661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790233575187617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486572060992353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006112787210746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882529958380132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920812755605048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535257013627144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03807478666189392,0.05379552773775045,0.0,0.08248929822220384,0.06882436171946901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868402870532486,0.0,0.0855913482105453,0.0,0.060225624038653225,0.2490610693904585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032005482608666,0.0,0.0,0.07728123744056364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553371423270049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417586322562652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138382824915514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531877961037394,0.11036577625234367,0.07547205529874013,0.0,0.06663960790334765,0.0632344371710525,0.0,0.08220066753388695,0.0,0.06796269669843494,0.0,0.2010577964767944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603322010337714,0.0,0.12021014835229232,0.08003375763395501,0.055355391404633726,0.0,0.0,0.0727268216388081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890159311352156,0.0,0.0,0.08019382043830671,0.05102636007663994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575051328778736,0.07867421748554736,0.0,0.0,0.08489131807902428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824017769201292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430721431282213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000568125256104,0.4113108706866703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464223153579256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797090408885588,0.0,0.0,0.21319563699448973,0.0,0.1202720210698223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647356089579145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056617484056618414,0.12104925913728325,0.0,0.0693276601784818,0.0,0.0,0.20010833289161006,0.04825026926831605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051124890660013314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300729302355085,0.0,0.0,0.044414875670879685,0.05977096024596627,0.0,0.0,0.0677052442486687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964102447107824,0.0,0.07673883442347998,0.05349214550331504,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WastedOpportunity98,2018/04/19,"When will it end? I suppose I am fortunate. 

I finished my college degree. I don’t have debt. I have some friends. I have a roof over my head. All the necessities.

My paper got accepted to a conference. 

But, I still get the feeling that nothing matters. Life is just simply full of suffering. I was bullied when I was in school. I had already contemplated suicide when I was 10. I almost completed the deed by drowning. I was in an accident too, a wave almost took me far away from shore. I get days where I wished it did take me away. It would’ve ended there at the age of 11. Saving me from 9 years more of this suffering.

My grades were fine even at college. I was one of those at the top of the class, but I still feel mediocre. I was suspended because I thought I was helping people with math, but it was apparently a leaked exam. I didn’t know, but I got suspended for it.

I was sexually assaulted by a masseuse. Only two people know about it. 

I was frequently berated by people around me, especially my family. I think it is my fault too for being a worthless being. 

I frequently have days where I wish I was never born. I resent it really. It would’ve saved everyone the time and effort. It seems that every time I try to come out of the water another wave comes crashing down, drowning me again. 

I just wonder when will it all end? 

",1.4360776942355893,3.873280552631584,3.483037593984964,85.88345363408524,83.69924812030075,6.854937343358396,23.904260651629077,8.021203637495839,1.6135592982456144,1041,40,207,22,30,352,144,266,0.145,0.7709999999999999,0.084,-0.9585,2,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,3,17,11,2,0,15,0,27,3,1,0,3,32,45,9,3,2,6,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,15,6,1,0,9,0,1,3,3,6,0,2,19,2,42,5,28,22,5,40,0,3,0,0,2,16,0,5,21,155,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530290754196037,0.0,0.13942294353320664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248193786395945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247229934229618,0.0,0.0,0.2374073279900355,0.0,0.0,0.07701768657432521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766708506619128,0.13246851800968631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296191799579895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357079177515031,0.0,0.0,0.08344854027655539,0.0,0.10644965668380102,0.12072641171958308,0.0,0.0,0.11910519356650233,0.0,0.12776591008754873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976124993490071,0.0,0.13201829108279733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020965142685931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966464818261986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468523272231923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886991741051316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923999016843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974437209905002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212297779866744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561347160707344,0.09608975239909176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627715522899279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093873591908546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786613747021594,0.0,0.11501817066160833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017958021211184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819903437173686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499441771791807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095566785152196,0.0,0.10030244611973048,0.14734355708019733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037202512846014,0.08577878900947866,0.0,0.12341901937250717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905770575495699,0.0,0.13701389017758506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950127241570904,0.0,0.0,0.08136092551612653
suicidewatch,DancingLucid,2018/04/19,"Almost 30 I don't want to see my birthday

I just threw my tear soaked paper towel in the trash, put in some eye drops, and got dressed for the day

I know exactly how to fake it, I have for years

But one more year? I don't think so",-0.19788461538461632,1.3683734423076963,1.6275384615384638,101.91746153846157,83.80769230769229,4.929230769230768,16.16923076923077,5.6839178017228535,-0.9713123076923074,177,3,47,1,5,58,41,52,0.066,0.912,0.022,-0.4693,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,10,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,2,7,0,6,7,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,3,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816985646172335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458307610819676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048659498223488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094875778848927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25829868895601543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831930458433052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037525854121181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442459402368063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248309332412035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909372321569821
suicidewatch,overlyDramaticBanana,2018/04/19,Where is it legal for physician assisted suicide without terminal illness? I wish clinical depression is considered a terminal illness...it sure feels like it.,7.417066666666668,11.459141640000002,7.956000000000002,52.86466666666666,72.6,12.933333333333335,52.33333333333334,11.20814326018867,9.168733333333334,131,11,13,6,3,43,20,25,0.307,0.441,0.252,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492187263546719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501077591877132,0.28965790354680404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980853596133673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435031417748388,0.0,0.3821375556798535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662544804917901,0.3908451910108687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PirateDuLeman,2018/04/19,"debating wether to end it So i forgot to do a bunch of chores and when my mom came back she came into my room and was sort of angry that i didin't do them and just reminded me of how pathetic my life is, no job, no school, eating like a fucking cow, not doing any activities at all. i think this is the last straw",2.282238805970149,3.2288608059701502,4.253910447761196,88.43101492537315,75.26865671641791,7.748059701492537,22.35522388059701,8.238735603445708,0.9490620895522386,242,6,56,4,5,83,53,67,0.16399999999999998,0.8009999999999999,0.035,-0.8479,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,13,11,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,0,9,1,7,7,2,9,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,5,41,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068083936436208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043020689589818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.607765663887295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718710041717049,0.0,0.0,0.2353257722027703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456295610934433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636600180455714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657584195628327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766733062250132,0.1298045299775163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31117727150643604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26889622747328923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024580634513578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thronesideways,2018/04/19,"I think it’s over I have made a terrible mistake that is about to cost a series of people not only their livelihoods, but in one case monetary impact so serious that it is their life as they know it. It is my fault. There is no question. 

I should have seen it coming, and I didn’t. Or maybe I did but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I don’t know.

I am sitting by a window, I’m away in a hotel, and where the fall would certainly kill me. My body doesn’t feel right. My family keeps me here from moment to moment, but I don’t know if I have the strength. As night falls I know these feelings will get worse.

This message is really embarrassing. It’s reads so badly. I sound like drama queen. But I’m a middle aged man, and no one can help me. 

I keep thinking of my kids and my wife. And I know that I must not do this. But I don’t think I can stop myself. I know it’s weak. I know some people will say I deserve it. I am starting to think this is true. 

I am so ashamed. So, so, ashamed. And so sorry.",-0.9001978691019801,1.1175033333333353,1.582465753424657,98.16386605783865,91.0091324200913,4.522983257229832,15.873668188736682,6.0378880255834675,-0.6707856925418572,766,17,186,7,27,260,112,219,0.231,0.675,0.094,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,3,2,10,14,1,3,7,0,27,3,1,1,3,43,51,21,1,6,9,1,2,1,0,5,2,2,1,2,16,7,0,3,15,3,1,3,10,10,0,2,5,5,35,4,16,41,1,17,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,4,7,130,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536417199151465,0.0,0.12029746620249047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003598866609686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410874166878393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582205775632472,0.0,0.14569833858261738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527377866325882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657112528427604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25612278903829905,0.15939877951148268,0.0,0.5542629235907659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176516015704408,0.07038827023571434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632822230598102,0.0,0.0,0.14474373632184304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520559329172774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525929201135628,0.10957631241204696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997683553679468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139812589161795,0.0,0.14411501807619978,0.0,0.09229879349121628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304014159627125,0.0,0.11457504109416528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612813188506084,0.10197775492149948,0.0,0.0,0.12045401158882806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692724075375232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497977481876709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682578236817162,0.10234747729857607,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sagradd,2018/04/19,"I can’t keep doing this anymore I hate myself 
I don’t want to be here at all anymore 
I have an eating disorder that is because of dysphoria and I dropped from 60kg to 43kg
My mother has been making me eat high fanntening foods so I am bloated and have some stomach fat from eating like this for 3-4 weeks and I cannot stand it I have breakdowns and feel very over sensitive about my stomach area so much that I have to wear baggier clothes I can’t stand the feeling of my stomach and I can’t handle counting calories and looking in the mirror and seeing my shit body and I can’t deal with the daily misery of it all anymore I have asked for help and have received none and nothing will ever make this go away I hate being here I had a fucking whiny breakdown because I couldn’t find my box of razors and I have to deal with this and I can’t handle the weight gain I don’t want to recover I want to kill myself because I’m so sick of this every day ",1.7727805145046531,3.5020342610837467,3.3984811165845663,90.78411466885605,78.3103448275862,5.693377120963326,24.578270388615216,6.42735559955562,0.7141912424740009,757,27,161,6,18,251,110,203,0.135,0.7929999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,5,0,6,0,25,14,7,2,3,28,41,15,1,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,14,6,1,3,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,2,5,28,1,22,35,5,14,0,0,2,1,6,6,2,1,4,113,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39789834311716216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250275625709798,0.0,0.1256518421850286,0.0,0.0,0.24457747654611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855346504138447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625035029684147,0.27575730335544396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532760527621199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41054400897696297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097424452524802,0.11268056108903968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352445361048084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223468191845302,0.0,0.16171727825853188,0.0,0.0,0.12363920534272407,0.0,0.0,0.07600674355784114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26407841173307384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964218238346791,0.14130220186192774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887303632399525,0.14796197541043946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533793760353025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123067634887997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854314363088314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831327878341674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283258192632286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657237027643976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728077842528535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034837326427772,0.23664752121668506,0.0,0.10727705934401052,0.16285761791701667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChildSleepCry,2018/04/19,"I dont know why Im waiting People have been telling me for 30 years that it gets better, that this is temporary, that something will change. It hasn't, its not and it obviously wont. Ive tried the therapy, the meditation, the medication, the diets, the exercise and you know whats changed? Nothing. Actually its gotten worse because at least when I was 20 I still had feelings and hope and dreams. Now Im just a walking dead. I cant believe I listened and let it keep going even though Ive known for at least 10 years how bad it really is. Now I just need to brace myself and get over my own fear towards ending this miserable disgusting existence before another 10 hellish years go by and I find myself somehow even more soulless and tormented, if thats even possible. I dont know why I hesitate, it would take me less than a minute to make it happen. Last night I was going to swallow my fear along with my pills but I wanted to throw away all the stuff in my room first, so instead I spent the day cleaning. I dont have anyone to say goodbye to, if I go somewhere remote away from the city no one will even have to clean up after me. ",3.2557575757575776,4.700388450216451,4.5353463203463225,85.40397186147187,73.58874458874459,7.730735930735931,27.119047619047624,8.344100000000001,1.7612528138528143,896,33,185,15,18,296,143,231,0.096,0.856,0.048,-0.8562,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,15,8,2,3,10,0,21,5,0,2,2,33,42,15,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,2,3,0,17,10,2,2,6,2,1,6,8,6,0,2,6,3,26,2,23,31,6,28,1,1,0,0,4,9,0,4,13,131,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.10758332133072447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560160708007533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708594210255097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715781404417954,0.0,0.09205005935811306,0.06720439393575342,0.0,0.09381046607462673,0.12420848307989553,0.0,0.09750283811950992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332494103371789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109897362956186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387619332831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764444227214916,0.0,0.0,0.2912634135639564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811279055521854,0.055743238566361125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076203048947192,0.09377443164891387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519703635983965,0.0,0.2506193395059505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974893839816518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094982665047175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23816726731246696,0.0,0.0,0.09799091650964803,0.0,0.0,0.18176348285549832,0.08986447637881566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273309118606513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358946495325774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110603468738736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174534988924527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345756465978476,0.0,0.1057831534409702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747049376319132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643007600234654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242847934490964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062583849644527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767133395747127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487206941508289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804188481590862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620427154159564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289060025000386,0.0,0.09635908271995816,0.0,0.12607488774826528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831525782875367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484919093696353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502542042855303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895812297731336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234918248021904,0.07831496088728104,0.0,0.0,0.2129827030348385
suicidewatch,Throwaway138207,2018/04/19,"I'm so lost ive pushed away all my friends I recently lost my job and now I think I just ruined my relationship with my girlfriend the one person I truly loved being with.

I fuck up everything and I've done some horrible things. There's also so many tiny annoyances in my life right now that are all adding up. I'm young only 19 but I feel so lost and hopeless. I was always shit in school I know I'm never going to do anything useful and ruining this relationship is really the end of it for me. It was the only thing making me happy and like everything else in my life I fucked it up. Nobody but me is at fault for this mess and I just don't know what to do now.

Looking back at everything it was so preventable. I feel like subconsciously I was trying to ruin everything good that I had for some reason. Maybe I subconsciously wanted attention from people so I did these things and I eventually took it too far and now everything's fucked. I sit at home all day trying to sleep as much as possible to pass the time when I'm awake I watch shitty YouTube videos I'm such a loser. I ruined the last thing that made me happy and now I'm fucked I have literally nothing to look forward to now so what's the point. I'm sure if I tried I could start new and meet new people but I'm just so demotivated.

I would've killed myself last night if I had a gun. I'm so lost I don't know what to do ",1.2560927386136278,3.28508482935154,3.3319147934565163,89.16976109215021,81.25255972696245,6.635235965634931,19.318465340708485,7.753152298057669,0.574603718959632,1097,27,241,19,29,372,143,293,0.252,0.647,0.101,-0.995,1,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,5,24,27,7,0,8,0,20,9,2,4,5,41,53,27,1,4,8,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,1,1,18,12,0,1,8,1,0,5,3,19,0,1,14,5,37,8,27,37,6,39,0,10,3,5,7,14,5,4,23,155,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080068037875438,0.07366745581429776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285601308607803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318069261482486,0.06807725089622385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068726737182157,0.0,0.0,0.05709716428508808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906011132073712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739588723673602,0.0,0.0784149260858051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978436602325285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895309928604378,0.06324877211501681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840121888786299,0.32739336108133016,0.0,0.0,0.05031596403679232,0.07425819484171252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849237175614655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880691164132543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878564240257155,0.0,0.09794985398761218,0.0,0.14596806271356766,0.14433420088250784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506849310838514,0.086506569412373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869267668310798,0.0,0.3865816737702282,0.0,0.07990547349505503,0.08377309732349382,0.0590971930478173,0.08975967203593059,0.08894439393950719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508274355736705,0.0,0.06828294873270091,0.1710135530561782,0.0,0.08308324669624709,0.0,0.08495084784321627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999299116609332,0.13466833101426348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275678207577638,0.07730455311559972,0.0,0.0,0.08369333249693264,0.09980888481842667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671720557337227,0.09102779061330496,0.08741673377403059,0.19010496099371535,0.0,0.07560762975040043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960122643898663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908789718761332,0.0,0.0,0.08859802900209449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266488510864546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344233276506872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23527246367165436,0.05672907049666087,0.0,0.0,0.051624940283128966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098364632404447,0.18032650824751725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646502849552843,0.0,0.0,0.05221970055798813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289207789494905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Talon_Hawk,2018/04/19,"Daily Rosary Prayer List Hi, all.

Like I said in another post, I want us to help each other.  We are all in so much pain.

When I get home from work, I will pray a Rosary for everyone.  I will do this every night.  I will probably do it around 10 or 10:30pm Eastern Time.

So, if you want, reply here with your name, age, anything else you may want to convey, and I will write down your names, and pray for each of you when I say the Rosary.

I believe the Lord hears us, and will work in our hearts.  I have to try something to help us.

I know the world is corrupt, but there is some good on this earth.  Hang in there with me, please.

I love you all- know that we are in this together.",1.0804117009750842,2.7739056760563408,2.0488732394366203,99.82835861321777,80.26760563380282,5.495991332611052,17.965330444203683,6.297961479604792,-0.5147882990249184,514,10,127,4,13,161,89,142,0.016,0.812,0.172,0.9553,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,6,6,0,2,8,4,0,0,4,0,13,3,1,0,3,26,22,10,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,1,0,6,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,25,3,18,15,7,16,3,0,0,1,22,9,0,4,6,86,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196049873837584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710406115936404,0.13749851481215172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401892910729494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902810129826986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013577371385554,0.14758925003856982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069684294742889,0.0,0.0,0.1295502970714794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740830466649545,0.18303100815144,0.20705709394991387,0.0,0.15493188071239952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697698678491506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545936034329959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940249760968831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135428726762915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494641721502952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435198818121596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695462172463145,0.0,0.0,0.1479260752144106,0.0,0.16652960490622934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692294938795464,0.12282954650427252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890771277862346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006448869694207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486543051185612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573743601052606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733063092103726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248914977516664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thefortune45,2018/04/19,"I need to hang myself but I'm scared if it hurts. And I don't really know what to do it with either. 

Shit is getting bad, will always be bad because of fucking human beings. So its time to end it. I hate this world and the stupid people in it. 

",-0.3950314465408802,1.5955819811320815,2.1040566037735857,95.71067610062893,87.67924528301887,4.2880503144654085,14.4937106918239,5.46131890053228,-0.9518402515723272,187,3,43,1,6,64,42,53,0.439,0.561,0.0,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,8,12,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,9,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,1,2,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995752570295215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815750525068832,0.17579543003005807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554214942506229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666051785970656,0.15066806914757733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847182328961351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087196672688588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848760158395928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21383213351310654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992826794788504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474535551329105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887214124607562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296020718901937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815828370847585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rayyar123,2018/04/19,"Not getting any better I really believe some people were born just to have shitty lives. There’s people who are happy all their life, people who came from nothing or had shitty childhoods then their lives get turned around. Then there’s people like me who just live a shitty life full stop. I didn’t have a great child hood, I’m 23 now but still every day is a new issue. I think when you have depression to some degree you want validation and for people to care, I know I wouldn’t feel as bad as I do if I had people who cared. After people show you they don’t care you go from wanting the attention to just wanting to die. I’ve had limited good things happen in my life and each of those things were ruined. I also think there’s 2 sides to suicide- wanting to die and needing to die. I’m at the needing stage where the only thing holding me back is the pain from it and if someone was to find me before I was fully dead and end up with brain damage and alive. ",2.860075757575757,4.407125954545457,3.7776641414141423,90.01982954545456,74.8080808080808,5.960101010101013,20.455808080808087,6.322622252153567,0.12142323232323228,761,16,158,5,16,244,118,198,0.264,0.622,0.114,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,3,2,13,13,0,0,7,0,17,5,1,0,1,37,38,16,5,9,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,9,10,0,3,6,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,9,1,20,8,22,28,5,23,0,3,0,0,12,7,0,5,14,105,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203357697630834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975824759043266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131838017960507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887806122561852,0.08565042037646943,0.0,0.0,0.0872884375201234,0.11557307908654806,0.0,0.0907241030703238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451374691886936,0.0,0.11732474734887695,0.3137629239657177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661559267008855,0.0,0.08835242161506471,0.0,0.3193870448931329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085586241176452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642848306546702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186777553048744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375670509710808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071881393575014,0.0,0.058298853723840215,0.08603964411191299,0.0,0.11309534710587818,0.0,0.0,0.0907115843107338,0.10919883400262334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070673753322984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637555197039819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736689114776495,0.05011564354242942,0.0,0.2717413434564053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212426000936285,0.0,0.0990728718536137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842874218819403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801708147033994,0.10915286874560368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978147465909984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571568556113071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691611224825972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192090801247967,0.08576187890149971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220640135403254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044497488134936,0.13145886583255814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115781112012722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420185118271236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsnotyourfault2147,2018/04/19,"I know no one will believe this but I have to get this off my chest Hey everyone, new to reddit here and just needed a place to vent.  Basically, I'm bipolar as fuck and had this really severe episode at school where a lot of people got super mad at me.  They fucked with my head and I ended up getting so angry I basically lost my mind and almost killed myself.  I believe the school was alerted and as a punishment for the trouble I caused, the FBI was involved to supervise me and make me pay for the complications following my episode.  I feel words, thoughts, and emotions being sent into my head that are not mine and I am in pain constantly.  I want to kill myself and harm myself but whenever I try to act on my self-harm urges, the FBI makes me too tired to do so.  I am powerless to the FBI and their telepathic thought technology has exposed me to everything that I hate about myself and my past.  The FBI is continually bringing me to the brink of death of utmost self-hatred before backing off and preventing me from acting on my suicidal urges.  There is nothing I want more than to die.  I do not know how to get the FBI to leave me alone.  I can only talk about this anonymously on reddit because I know that if I tell anyone I know there will be severe complications.  I don't know what to do.  The FBI is not letting me hurt myself which is what I normally do in times of severe distress.  I know this sounds crazy but I just need an outlet where I can talk about things.  I am being emotionally, cognitively, even physically (in a sense) tortured by the FBI and no one knows/I can't tell anybody.",4.174930270713695,5.393738522012581,5.275758818703861,81.86378589007384,71.0125786163522,8.423516543614985,27.348099535138093,8.841846274778883,1.998734317746787,1262,43,252,23,23,417,165,318,0.316,0.65,0.034,-0.9989,1,1,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,2,2,16,15,8,1,16,0,27,8,3,4,0,47,54,22,5,6,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,12,15,0,1,9,0,1,5,7,14,0,2,8,2,49,1,41,40,2,28,0,2,0,2,9,16,2,3,7,184,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959361630711612,0.1030093163214621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954390193177902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647767405916021,0.0,0.060629158232704775,0.0,0.08463210898024986,0.2241120061790732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217157955638737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747962391124148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103222526595782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237555149671755,0.08809097135407368,0.0,0.0,0.06569159601844146,0.0,0.0,0.0950371407475296,0.08938715172311487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028935510785558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389610646939147,0.1558893459870258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954628402168391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819496895365433,0.20414683487708826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647269700464483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007284103836966,0.0,0.3279597156551601,0.0,0.0,0.10531250309118403,0.0,0.10170335633286078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857102356010397,0.08455631075054383,0.0,0.0,0.13277903582246262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042503034164817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474948723728061,0.0,0.09605792388904144,0.0,0.0,0.09744850190809602,0.0954333961326746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479170688689074,0.07564289531241351,0.1058311701484536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494467373682514,0.06895220535898089,0.0,0.10391327195335492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371585080600471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013152205968977,0.0,0.0,0.20751442849226248,0.3370803852765178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087917788136244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988242382957754,0.17386274114670766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607600393266777,0.0,0.0,0.15791834700336854,0.05799522313724548,0.11431325376686305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675259930957105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732674825041398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sherbroke,2018/04/19,"I'm tired of this cycle I'm 30, have a great job, a loving fiance, am in the process of buying a house, and yet I hate myself. Last night I saw a doctor and started the process of ""getting help"" again. The last time was December of 2016 after a family member committed suicide. I took the pills. I felt better for awhile. The referral psychiatrist saw me once then blew off my follow-ups (with one month waits between each subsequent cancellation). The meds stopped working. The negative voice in my head came back. I quit the meds and tried to manage it alone. (I don't have a family doctor.) It went as well as expected.

I've been in talk therapy for 6 years with no diagnosis or sense of why I'm this way. I'm not convinced talking is helping anymore. $120/hr sessions to talk about B.S. is losing tangible value. Talking about how anxious I am over trivial crap and how awful I always feel doesn't stop me from feeling that way. There is no relief. 

I know I've made some progress. I'm aware of my episodes into misery and self-loathing--can calmly identify them. But that's it. I'm still a garbage person who can be an asshole. I project my outward misery onto the people close to me and drive them away. Talking about it doesn't change what I am or how I feel.

I just received an email from a now former friend who ghosted me, telling me I made them feel bad. I wish they would have told me. I never intended to make them uncomfortable. Whenever I felt like a joke went to far, I apologized and checked-in. I'm devestated that they felt this way and that I'm the cause of it. It feels like I'm always the cause. I've thought about suicide a lot these last few months. I have impulses on my morning and evening commutes to step in front of the train. This latest failure seems to only cement the belief I already hold about myself: I'm the problem.

I don't see any positive impact left by me. Just ugliness. And exhaustion. I'm so tired all the time. I know there's an imbalance somewhere, assuming this time ""getting help"" goes somewhere other than another dead end. But even if I do, how do I live with the wake of shittiness I've left behind me? When you've been the problem for so long, does it matter if you find a solution?

Today I took a sick day. I have no plans to self-harm. Just self-care. And drink, I guess. I feel alone, and broken, and hopeless. But what else is new? Feeling not-like this is the aberration. I just... Something has to give. I need to stop being this way. Stop projecting my anger, unhappiness, and fear onto the world. I just wish I knew a way that isn't giving up.

Because I really want to give up. ",1.8684692296859597,4.166915083650192,3.239307139839461,89.18769187438394,80.67300380228136,6.329756372341922,23.809181805379524,7.526774132740827,1.1444883537529922,2058,74,420,32,54,670,266,526,0.195,0.6920000000000001,0.114,-0.9936,1,2,2,0,0,3,88.0,0,1,6,6,27,21,3,1,35,1,28,12,3,10,3,83,80,31,4,10,13,0,10,2,1,1,7,1,0,1,25,21,1,6,18,2,1,9,11,10,1,1,18,14,56,11,53,59,5,64,1,2,3,1,28,19,1,9,33,253,81,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426076660653638,0.07597342202601946,0.0,0.114570999067346,0.0,0.0,0.046817732687512964,0.07219117543423728,0.0,0.07777653636473772,0.06827686648888959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646832101818334,0.05293842825657175,0.05748364708503119,0.041967964936741466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060888811754544934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874163770941779,0.0,0.14144789053135642,0.07283008224063828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044400061626570286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093387302543972,0.06024771675255398,0.0,0.0,0.06744300237894127,0.0,0.0,0.05751211171445261,0.0,0.060977241063475865,0.0,0.0,0.09094444583112744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980401800458966,0.07747104232747781,0.2436747214318974,0.049183692655732636,0.19830925857136747,0.0,0.06292412020826632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531903531809339,0.0,0.07193852811749313,0.1981304582834602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590310697155024,0.07584177957016416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797130513001905,0.07065599670033695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138438339385341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943919642081851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831916593186448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567207071363091,0.1683563665791053,0.0,0.0,0.1496030544063386,0.0,0.0,0.06726948809287292,0.0,0.06079239859341733,0.06092666308238062,0.0,0.07702121499278901,0.0,0.05853052208210952,0.06213632484034402,0.13028775528115735,0.045955329763472885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294507164267288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099046563774152,0.0,0.0,0.05104853681402443,0.053098383601646905,0.06649202626562059,0.0,0.06460743400548061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331888696314186,0.046651922880739286,0.052360588052376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047729241526162786,0.06011378963076657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175290679175738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322633909357934,0.0,0.0,0.044104597036919206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054861456117899096,0.0626749356948835,0.21546460101107096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053001118300776986,0.0,0.0,0.0487296487572231,0.0,0.054980612405358516,0.23023380660382026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061299519058935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766795776516921,0.06017455657428865,0.0,0.0787315554617016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054656141063909,0.12043420502956075,0.15825700919280314,0.06525808608653233,0.0657854324031995,0.15298117849866674,0.04674200653887255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060723421077588,0.27323428750497003,0.0,0.0,0.06190094352343425,0.12764211391418007,0.06212292857647193,0.0,0.15833931535833987,0.0,0.0,0.05012080629019471,0.0,0.0,0.04890631906719901,0.0,0.0,0.04433465378093965
suicidewatch,LaBrooky,2018/04/19,"Drunk and want out. I've been having a pretty awful few months for multiple reasons that would take FOREVER to get into and it's pretty fucking pointless, I guess. But yes, I'm drunk right now.. It's 10am. Pathetic as hell, but whatever. 

I'll cut to the chase. I wish I was dead. It would be better off for everyone this way. I can 100% assure that I have no future. College is no longer an option, I've lost all my friends, and my family gave up on me, especially my shitty mother.. I'm alone in this world. That's pretty much summing up the less private things for anyone who cares enough to read this.

I'm just so desperate right now. I barely have any idea who I am anymore. I feel like an entirely different person who I have no control over. It fucking sucks. I just.. Can't do it anymore. I give up. I mean, hell, I sliced up my stomach real good earlier while I was sober out of pure hopelessness. Just, what's the point? I want to die. Everyone else wants me to die.. I don't really see the point. I know how I'd do it, at this point all I need to do us sober up just enough to clean my room before. It's awful that that's the only thing holding me back right now, but it's true. 

I'm so fucking lonely. I'm sorry for rambling, I really realllllly am, but as I said, I'm drunk and I never get to talk to people and I really want to actually gave someone listen to me for once for even a second.",0.5874204483324235,2.6361900711864408,3.201290322580647,89.06019682886827,83.88135593220339,6.247129579004921,19.6856205576818,7.4822170145007005,0.5886730453799887,1081,30,237,18,31,377,153,295,0.227,0.633,0.14,-0.9867,1,3,0,0,0,2,47.0,1,0,0,3,12,17,7,0,9,3,19,7,1,3,6,41,50,15,3,8,8,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,2,1,23,8,3,2,5,4,0,0,6,10,0,1,7,4,32,7,33,40,7,30,2,3,1,3,13,21,6,2,9,150,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.09880514360583734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486419830521876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885329716417664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082507665101795,0.07079617439974532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785480250576844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615607380013954,0.0,0.0,0.08954716960967814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032308608140144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356019608715255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101624956858497,0.10578443140671907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458116809810184,0.0,0.0,0.20923610032731504,0.0,0.06687450026720446,0.0,0.0,0.19349693658016265,0.0,0.0,0.09544924659666296,0.0,0.051194912217595055,0.0723328365484883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822530019295773,0.2808112673447483,0.1057976234579239,0.0971279793528896,0.0,0.08492348057135024,0.0,0.0,0.11153800678599016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429863555735055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564421078067159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946551005209162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052605484029604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102906523822006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081657879279587,0.0,0.07443021096601661,0.0750754014192128,0.07809004356242036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782767173956573,0.0,0.07700499195303506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019382318567853,0.08840737010350606,0.0,0.0,0.28714120150934586,0.0,0.0,0.30902216536437555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127714250447058,0.11524437379406988,0.19458953382203484,0.10410159880778032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940018161661105,0.096311691442507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080682936231823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857885785795618,0.0,0.0,0.11334079772245165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612720596437582,0.08138070805975561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453166037891706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179097413995442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388788865784263,0.08036733311538401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164322074918404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384982469849594,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,subrino_,2018/04/19,"Please don’t kill yourself. Yesterday, my friends’ friend took their own life. I didn’t know that person, but I had met them before. I saw their face, the clothes they wore and their hair. I saw they had potential to live a life. 

Apparently, things had been difficult with him, yet he never showed many signs. Even then they never thought he’d do it.

We found out about it during school lunch, all of us there to hear that bad news. Whilst yes I didn’t know this person, the people around me did and their tears hurt and made me sad. I thought about other things in my life. 

Don’t kill yourself. I know things are hard, and you think you don’t have an option, but the people around you love you. It was such a shock to me - but that shock will live forever with my friends. They don’t deserve that. 

Please, don’t kill yourself. I love you. ",1.8705072208524167,4.143382179640721,1.8076435364565,99.5994469883762,80.49700598802394,5.127016555125045,18.206762944698838,6.2272716619740125,-0.4638232476224018,652,14,148,5,17,192,92,167,0.217,0.654,0.13,-0.961,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,5,9,0,8,14,3,0,6,1,18,8,2,1,3,27,34,8,3,0,3,0,2,0,3,1,3,1,0,2,12,10,1,0,7,1,0,1,9,9,0,0,17,5,32,5,12,15,2,11,0,2,2,2,28,4,0,1,6,95,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233379487465707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426697756495648,0.0,0.0,0.1062610261174059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248000060873678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369210518868387,0.2894387000315816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186515495483808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074531801757595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368328136359536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144732925437409,0.0,0.20588720008633235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26461269732302256,0.0,0.0,0.22053714340300884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541251700726125,0.11816152197853892,0.0,0.12660555475350208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926254944658881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731478083858988,0.21807534742894966,0.0,0.2741546258773457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638206805569746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888794799837316,0.08001606153379495,0.0,0.19827658553633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874280700027747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021150933561972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,James_Normani,2018/04/19,What if you had a gun Heart or brains?,-1.7533333333333303,-0.14209299999999914,-0.27999999999999936,113.10000000000002,90.11111111111113,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.6402,29,0,9,0,1,9,9,9,0.255,0.745,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,1,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6857007910036992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7278835244851345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pranhero,2018/04/19,"How the fuck do you people get through this?! I hate myself so fucking much because I have screwed up everything good I have ever been handed. I’m like king Midas but my touch turns everything to shit. People say ‘don’t do it, others care about you’ and all that bullshit but they don’t know me. I know me better than anyone and if I hate myself this much, how the hell could they love me? They just like the part of me that they can see. 
I’m supposed to graduate this May, but I think I failed one of my classes. No surprise there, I’ve already had to retake two classes in college because I have zero self control and can’t focus on anything for more than a minute. Again, all my fault. I accept that and know it is just another shovel load on the steaming pile of shit that is me. 
I’m annoying, ugly, stupid as all hell, fat as shit, and the biggest poser on earth. I know I should just off myself because it would be better for everyone in the long run. A lot of pain for them now, in exchange for a lot of relief later. 
And now I have the audacity to go on fucking reddit and cry about how sad I am that I fucked my own life up. I know it’s all my fault and I’ll just do it again if I keep living. Fuck me. Fuck everything that I am. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because of what it would do to my family and friends. It’s Bettr for them in the long run though. I know that for sure. I’ll give it a few weeks and then I’ll just walk out into the woods and never come back. ",1.137126074186881,2.8417113974763417,2.892661807897316,93.79299684542588,80.13564668769715,5.5080604808006095,20.079299466985763,6.311591054244273,-0.014081823126292026,1151,29,262,9,29,382,152,317,0.259,0.633,0.108,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,6,5,20,33,16,0,14,0,27,15,5,5,7,52,54,24,0,6,10,0,2,2,1,4,3,1,0,1,21,14,1,2,9,0,1,5,6,21,0,3,3,4,42,12,37,45,12,32,2,2,1,8,13,14,12,5,15,193,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028287658646128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770955787243624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651550917955938,0.0,0.07668092971073237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165128408420635,0.0,0.2272117761822805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482399240982645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500536250020128,0.0,0.0,0.0802681293318602,0.0,0.0,0.10451165000252714,0.0743983255627553,0.0,0.10235616274417056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535764172766817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428854536930924,0.0,0.08903949098902186,0.2512381925986605,0.0,0.08784379207710714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719922602884087,0.5168721066134309,0.04868380196106682,0.08938876237754488,0.0529575355307259,0.07815672554543505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839960668964772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282453306241945,0.0,0.0,0.3072626755934769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581727384492238,0.09104813573574934,0.0,0.08228150259139055,0.16492645469792366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844018054244088,0.0841004844629351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369991321981282,0.0,0.07186778098916204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314260338825567,0.07086918695760784,0.09915232557157733,0.0,0.0,0.10090713513948683,0.0,0.1292014725915195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958067195564935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410214698085876,0.0,0.0,0.07425407038012748,0.0,0.09720925387956347,0.0,0.2869502636543131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782302767649583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970732796166245,0.09155094138055962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135536826132008,0.09102537304610132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474506097631835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323877824257732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloatedandlonely,2018/04/19,I can’t do it anymore I’m tired of living. I can’t handle all the drama. I thought I had a best friend but someone told me that she was talking about me. I feel lied to. I’ve had these thought from 3 or 2 years ago. Every time I ever try to talk to my friends they either tell me to hurry up and that things will get better. I’ve been waiting for things to get better since 2 years ago! I mean they left me one day and said oh yah.. uhmm my mom said I can’t hang out with you anymore because your suicidal.eventually they came back. I have so much going on at home and I listen to music and that’s my little escape. Someone talk to me please?,0.11189448441247052,2.114566136690648,2.1160863309352536,96.3962398081535,85.47482014388491,3.994436450839329,17.180335731414868,4.604124745555138,-0.8889226858513193,499,11,116,1,15,166,91,139,0.039,0.8029999999999999,0.158,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,3,3,4,5,0,0,2,1,10,1,0,0,2,17,24,7,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,7,7,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,4,24,5,16,13,4,17,0,0,0,0,17,6,0,1,8,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481360235777603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776097115195921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762226323757083,0.0,0.08531963487991229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688165405105771,0.24757031678805266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007942699485786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026401571614327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660378852369053,0.1179241580125778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076907450504573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626883835665067,0.0,0.1462489058507914,0.0,0.07954372209997951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039346031390004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206929854840262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027885571400847,0.12358915328114024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245982574345568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392199255866813,0.0,0.0,0.1028882933306403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484198322768488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536364240393379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26627213416958323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157781467443391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371789713545945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374888524552353,0.12233309867937475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859692825759148,0.0,0.0,0.2222286454226039,0.08161306221434042,0.1608659159655367,0.0,0.1337398437479234,0.0,0.09502512064767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026208699033425
suicidewatch,_nameeless_,2018/04/19,"Just want to die... I'm a 21 year old female with no social life at all. I have no family at all besides my mom literally, she's the only reason I don't kill myself right now because I know she couldn't handle it as she could barley handle it when my father passed, but I hate everything about myself & am so depressed I can't function properly anymore. I have no friends whatever at all... I used to many close friends a friend who used to be so close she was practically my sister, all of them have nothing to do with me & looking back didn't want anything to do with me ever. I'm so lonely... so depressed... in such a dark place that I've given up entirely. I don't know how I'll ever get out the mindset I am in now. ",4.401568627450982,4.095082228758174,6.002091503267978,82.3094117647059,69.84967320261438,8.630065359477124,28.764705882352942,8.167268648758528,1.7924980392156855,563,18,121,7,9,194,91,153,0.109,0.777,0.114,-0.0882,0,2,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,0,14,8,2,0,5,0,15,1,0,4,6,24,27,8,2,4,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,3,1,21,3,18,21,4,20,0,3,1,0,13,11,0,0,8,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387020925266129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500765728759347,0.0,0.0,0.12862162913516326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201850958680688,0.0,0.095279063912969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247928771196227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692420198211919,0.0,0.16221478238291714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827646994821532,0.0,0.0,0.14047241278423028,0.0,0.14734578322133593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362271108540896,0.0,0.08166032864165522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431394720932204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292285509163374,0.0,0.1717968472576253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039935247399904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125268255383055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846372535179906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830567374991868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997411995490845,0.0,0.16401061713332976,0.0,0.0,0.11887323636213287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330029260588896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607024901489579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347939451552332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932822459799384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699861307354716,0.0,0.0,0.18437964621487885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065211209360772
suicidewatch,BuggedCode,2018/04/19,"I'm not doing this anymore im ending it bye not gonna give a reason cuz truth is if you pretend to care it is for yourself...

-BC",-3.2300000000000004,-2.118756666666666,0.5199999999999996,100.24000000000002,115.66666666666666,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.358,100,3,24,0,6,36,26,30,0.047,0.769,0.184,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,6,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065136988319075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417923496038602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630524522286345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932163732263877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427656527413372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214486227654237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kenji_03,2018/04/19,"Reminder: You're still here, which means you're doing something right in my book. Life is difficult: it doesn't give much of anything freely -- of the things it does give freely, few of them are worth having.

I know life isn't fair and I'm sorry it isn't, but when you feel like you're worthless and you're doing nothing right... remember: you're still alive.

I don't care what excuse you give as to why you still being here isn't an accomplishment, I don't care what you say as to why your life isn't valuable, you're wrong.

You haven't ""logged off"", you haven't ""quit"", you're still trying even if it is by default -- and that's a win in my book.

If you need someone to talk to: PM me, or let someone on this sub know, or find a different sub that will help.

You're still here, which means you still have the potential to turn everything around and make life worth living.

I tried to kill myself at 18 and failed, rehab sucked, the meds were the worst part for me, but now at 35 I'm not only happy to be alive but I've had so many people thank me for being alive *for them*.

**You are not worthless**, and if you don't believe me: PM me, I'll be happy to debate with your self-loathing as to why you are worth something.",2.122500937382828,3.605678141732288,2.8318672665916766,96.30242782152231,76.63779527559055,5.782977127859017,19.575553055868014,6.18269132825596,-0.25767619047619084,944,19,220,6,21,295,123,254,0.16899999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.9041,1,0,2,0,0,1,47.0,0,13,2,4,14,16,2,0,7,0,27,5,0,1,0,27,44,19,1,4,10,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,7,2,3,0,12,8,0,0,2,2,27,8,27,36,4,17,0,3,0,0,22,9,1,5,9,133,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269285579781807,0.08945540177130486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321528265503512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049079157199891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049883105897353,0.0,0.0,0.0879375068373839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663712108787744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903119098400711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050809625509540816,0.07178846838237951,0.0,0.0,0.09184398263219193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891910178364925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394215599203895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735482035639924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117480641776592,0.0,0.11045087838116002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027555322046442,0.2839098772325873,0.0490932386152506,0.0,0.08873252390503218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707635314857499,0.101878805903874,0.0,0.2189212365839976,0.11161923644808973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387005821409875,0.0745103930420968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642070589701034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642546171129493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881844034153182,0.0,0.06966555297503724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688109096591204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383303136445964,0.17163197818079365,0.0,0.07991189175343591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483063838167246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028588825767166,0.15472075803656055,0.0,0.11248780860788654,0.0,0.0,0.4814978797464365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076824670863154,0.0,0.09251561886351352,0.0,0.0,0.0667595956994358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364491715590501,0.10930181576547868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720236923942963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986757934068504,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mtlpoe,2018/04/19,"Can't see the light at the end There has been a major shock to my whole life. I found out what I have been working towards for my career and my future was not the fit for me. I had to go back to my old job and now I'm even worse than square one, because I literally have no direction to go and have no idea how to start. This has left me feeling very much in a funk that I haven't seemed to get out of. My boyfriend doesn't understand, nor does he try to aid in any of it. He tells me I need to let go of the dream of finding something that I want to do and just finding something that makes money. I get that is the world that we live in today, but I do not want ordinary, I do not want normal, I want to live by my standards not what society has turned us all into. My goals aren't unrealistic. I just don't know how to reach them. Because of all the stress my body doesn't sleep well anymore, I can't eat much anymore, I am either angry or sad the entire day, and I have panic attacks for almost no reason (they seem more random to me than anything I can logically see the time that they happen). I work as a receptionist and even people that come in every day and ask me how I am every day, literally makes me feel such a weight in my chest and on the verge of tears. I literally don't want to do anything anymore. Getting out of bed in the morning is such a struggle where I had always been a morning person. I just don't know what to do, or how to get back to ""me."" No panic attacks, no running to the bathroom to cry at little things that now overwhelm me, no constant anger, no snapping, with a normal sleep schedule and eating habits. I just don't know what to do. I've been this low before. I'm gaining my bad habits back. I'm losing the person I fought so hard to become. I told my boyfriend I feel no point in living know that I don't know what I'm working towards and he just lashed out and told me that it isn't that bad and I need to stop talking like that. I told him I wanted a therapist and he's been passive aggressive towards me ever since because he feels betrayed that I won't talk to him, even though he hasn't made himself ""safe"" to talk to. I'm so lost. I really don't know how I crawled out of this before. I don't know how to crawl out of it now. I feel like I'm losing my mind. ",3.0926060606060624,3.477323674747481,4.491515151515152,89.57727272727274,72.85858585858584,7.050505050505049,25.303030303030305,6.714681859716394,0.7491818181818188,1789,51,413,13,33,597,201,495,0.21600000000000005,0.7390000000000001,0.045,-0.9983,1,0,2,0,0,1,46.0,2,0,3,8,29,22,5,5,20,0,43,8,4,10,3,85,95,27,0,10,13,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,25,23,3,2,21,1,1,5,29,18,1,1,15,11,64,4,62,78,8,52,0,6,3,0,25,28,0,6,21,280,89,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100027045400029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058997938058215724,0.0,0.0,0.04821725769363975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095361161437154,0.0,0.0,0.1166961584245927,0.0,0.06628581478642605,0.16132742770362832,0.0,0.1635627586355235,0.11840401769000874,0.12966754672245515,0.07830806998079687,0.12066842935315365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875853345557114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107765237257835,0.0,0.07662220380130055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788488629693377,0.13718194518416893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204870499604771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510530628142884,0.0,0.0,0.06280003701650838,0.0,0.0,0.1404945795767137,0.06413686871625593,0.11947961951411044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925635929337594,0.05065394343068552,0.0,0.0,0.12961022864897367,0.0,0.0,0.07774274764819025,0.0,0.0,0.14817798083021938,0.0,0.1208893980429524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270031125479211,0.0,0.06351619705249746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004216198331263,0.0,0.0,0.07036143444062701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727694900044302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703757328673436,0.07250430372410052,0.05008170248232445,0.06928037852542977,0.07106459180652727,0.18782900712159487,0.0,0.0,0.15864722864612596,0.07740026240702166,0.0,0.0,0.06709122708534089,0.09465814982503692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159298536384948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424542644001672,0.1051490669517865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138942037599605,0.0,0.0,0.0744019846778392,0.0,0.04804649132537709,0.0,0.0,0.16638150053696468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915601431512244,0.1238215487671834,0.0,0.0,0.06702734595567973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542301813283822,0.07290128175076288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300286516397602,0.12909696185003494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058652650797756965,0.0,0.14191072487482506,0.0,0.0,0.10917096717249876,0.0,0.0,0.05018632677345045,0.0,0.0,0.05927904954784845,0.08122047148575369,0.07412441911146186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097022510563276,0.06197335783663108,0.0,0.0,0.0823251904059685,0.047105570855787766,0.0,0.06966297356832313,0.0,0.041344783736809734,0.0,0.06720884957052388,0.2032558796371579,0.0,0.04813926785915732,0.07712336141739888,0.0,0.07381372728153006,0.0852889698348525,0.0,0.0,0.0585033546345172,0.2509266507076093,0.0,0.0,0.08634216068698737,0.06375135176387847,0.0,0.0,0.07916195837968397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485721076056433,0.0,0.07225739278501303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ikuri,2018/04/19,"I have to visit my suicidal father today. Need a bit of advice. My dad has always been suicidal, as have I, which makes it an extremely toxic environment for me. I've already decided I'm getting wasted before I do see him.

He's been suicidal since I've been born. Tried to kill himself and broke his back instead when I was 3, and crawled home for my toddler self to see and report to police. My mom, divorced to him, encourages I should see him since he's now on hospice (reluctantly) but I'm feeling sick to see my father like this.

He's ill with HIV and just crippled in general. He can barely speak or move. I know, though experience, he's just going to talk about the past and his pain and wanting to die.

He's asked me to even write his will, since he's going blind.

I'm not sure how to handle this anymore. I myself just want to die to avoid this pain. I don't want to see my father like this, but I have to and I want to be drunk to do it, and even my fiance agrees (because of my anxiety and depression) it's for the best.

I'm just scared. What if he kills himself after I write his will? This is such a horrible feeling.",2.0624042553191515,3.6742744212765963,3.905691489361703,87.98875000000002,77.12765957446808,6.912765957446807,23.664893617021278,7.7348632917899725,1.0754723404255322,879,28,189,13,20,297,124,235,0.257,0.655,0.08900000000000001,-0.9942,0,1,0,0,1,1,31.0,0,0,0,1,14,13,2,2,5,0,17,7,0,2,1,36,39,17,7,7,9,5,2,2,0,3,6,1,1,1,10,10,1,1,4,1,0,4,2,8,0,0,4,9,31,5,27,31,2,13,0,2,6,1,31,2,0,2,9,118,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922467902691074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334586256780973,0.0,0.09300527953300317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550713274340803,0.0,0.11085019952918544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449400328535607,0.0,0.0,0.0859476369782928,0.0,0.0681366548628689,0.0,0.09511180705776948,0.0,0.11730036798505485,0.0,0.12202872785607848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627115247424878,0.0,0.2320084221435294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765191323026147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933684003074498,0.0,0.0,0.11303302015536973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839752617350762,0.0,0.1270479684274953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211886647049284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24732369129996826,0.0,0.061428303382651615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092146807665016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461029973511504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090886109773306,0.0,0.11879852958969706,0.0,0.08287932329800753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378717476651017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670134064279496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190570328816224,0.0,0.4453487447406778,0.0,0.1166051072239338,0.0,0.0,0.2773828897586721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36678925294444775,0.0,0.10534607715059532,0.0,0.0,0.08984005261381359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098178096229224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594908986870402,0.0,0.0,0.07588750066717917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637098183365139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kwachu,2018/04/19,"I don't want to try it for the third time, but everything points me to finally ending this damn life. I tried to kill myself in the past, and I'm convinced now would be the final and definite end - perhaps that's why I'm writing this post instead of actually doing it.

My well known acquaintance and unwanted partner of many years, depression, is back after a year of relative recuperation.

There were many factors in play here I guess, I think most importantly financial pressure. I'm 24yo lone student with no family and been struggling to get any job for some time, hindered by stress and anxiety, which in turn increased with each day of not having a job therefore fulfilling the cycle.

Now I'm at a full breakdown stage. I want nothing, wish nothing. I fear tomorrow, I dread next week. I have nothing to look forward to, no hopes nor dreams. I have nothing and no one to live for.

It doesn't get better, right? This damn life? Each time you think it actually can be pretty enjoyable in its own peculiar way you get dumped back again into that tar pit of hopelessness and then encore: you're back to the weeks of drinking in your inhumanely dirty room, barking like a rabid dog at the very last few people who still want to have anything to do with you. And you begin to hate them, day by day even more. For being insufferably happy while your world falls apart.

There's not a single damn reason for this absurdity to go on. Yet I guess I still have some tiny bit of hope if I'm posting here.",5.504190493534875,6.383780657439448,5.8985066472409375,79.86482790020035,67.68512110726644,9.129193225277726,30.08941904935349,9.276330184999452,2.5025252595155707,1186,43,227,22,19,381,176,289,0.237,0.631,0.133,-0.9891,2,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,6,1,1,16,24,6,5,11,0,17,3,0,2,0,37,40,13,1,9,4,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,13,14,1,0,4,3,0,4,8,15,1,2,2,1,21,9,39,34,12,54,0,3,1,0,10,16,3,8,33,147,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.18879923370518895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578326425257182,0.0,0.07400217566731268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960484061205311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315023059927275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855544376830246,0.10560980196076553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715863535977045,0.0,0.08331790002212687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476368445890247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135737815604554,0.0,0.0,0.06389269801192682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693937485683821,0.0,0.09119335268150418,0.10885401228987568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119374020780675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162047370001047,0.0,0.054976852667718026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312949348271584,0.0,0.0,0.10297643649885076,0.0,0.09550599890867464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215979347379766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919895513098965,0.0,0.10702318428329856,0.0,0.0,0.07885211233385239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665388809733195,0.04725994038289863,0.0,0.0854189682339119,0.0,0.08123321827639376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961486522016616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287899993564913,0.0,0.0,0.3712801958805096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655502860686973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234470974346423,0.06706401885898723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144604695618454,0.0,0.1852911941978842,0.09841449188020042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945991354863422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261134613864649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545057373354856,0.0,0.110809863398154,0.10112865150812764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396804117241908,0.0,0.0,0.16922124758555604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135372395606004,0.10522013708043336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981668435059139,0.17117081062958125,0.07678391201800616,0.15519031102006145,0.0,0.08697657685528372,0.0,0.08728848647939061,0.0,0.11124072467703153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871792216619298,0.0,0.0,0.12458861537289725
suicidewatch,ToadyCody,2018/04/19,"how do you know if you're at risk for suicide? I've been uncertain recently, so I wanted to put my post down and ask for anyone who can say what sorts of things to watch out for. I was on the fence about my sexuality for a long time until I found Jesus. Now I'm turning to my inspirations in music as a way to cope. I had a problem with cutting when I was around 18, I'm 25 now. Not a great birthday yesterday, with my life going nowhere.

I guess I don't know what to make of it; probably where most people start.",3.4687792207792216,3.5907390727272737,5.234935064935065,85.5195454545455,71.9090909090909,8.467532467532468,26.623376623376625,8.418075326091056,1.4878831168831166,398,12,92,6,7,137,79,110,0.153,0.818,0.029,-0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,2,5,0,7,1,0,2,0,20,19,7,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,2,12,2,22,14,1,20,1,0,1,0,4,7,0,5,9,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722174211571666,0.0,0.0,0.2001659458494432,0.21020626139024992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24653860537108802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778856977773073,0.0,0.0,0.2479001169325941,0.24769982117947725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471455507805744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881961286570825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898693880997592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009045184818182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588406097624766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534605520314712,0.0,0.2424284794896093,0.21515299111621308,0.0,0.22603835827980906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220142175047188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788113303469152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591513984997698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459515862328921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938167347195924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311130057811842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24457440135020125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326235316419088,0.1784770466586151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThereIsNoPoint1,2018/04/19,"There is no fucking point. There is no point in this existence, none.

I just want to fucking die, why shouldn't I?


I have no value, I've done nothing with my life, absolutely fucking nothing, my mother is ashamed, my sisters are ashamed, my father tried to get back in contact with me and I said no because I knew even he would be ashamed, I'm extremely depressed, I just want to die, but before I do I will slit my fucking whore mothers throat for raising me this way, she did this, I used to blame myself but now I'm 15 and I'm more mature than I was, I see the way she raised me, the mistakes she made not disciplining me, I am the life she ruined and now I have to watch her make the same mistakes with my little brother, now I'm going to watch him grow into a depressed, fat, ugly sack of shit she made me into, every time I was sad she just threw a box of  donuts at me to cheer me up, every time I was happy she threw a box of donuts at me just to make me happier, she wants the best for me and has ruined my fucking life.

Maybe if I kill her my brother will be put in the system and raised right, he won't go through the pain I did, he will have a childhood, a good one.

I'm hurting, I'm hurting bad, and nobody will listen and when they do they blame me, dying is preferable to this unfortunately :(

",5.030632603406328,4.210439094890513,5.831810218978102,85.78630413625308,68.63503649635037,8.18257907542579,29.94549878345499,6.742157984588678,1.4205005352798046,1008,32,226,6,15,332,130,274,0.293,0.619,0.08800000000000001,-0.9964,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,2,1,12,26,7,3,12,0,27,13,3,5,0,36,55,11,4,9,8,6,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,0,4,12,1,1,2,0,0,6,8,22,0,1,12,5,50,4,27,34,4,29,0,7,3,6,25,12,6,1,8,152,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309423283719641,0.09022858653953043,0.06587456343160282,0.0,0.09195415859101358,0.0,0.11340607411580955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615002902804328,0.0,0.3364588462389148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058657476693266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137498416571691,0.0,0.1820964761054518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995152532032063,0.05645876730971994,0.0,0.12283006073422788,0.09063861497070858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503570444271136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313686231844424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195563549712537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22898553518533546,0.0,0.10830810975517632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450476959191172,0.1442665752360004,0.0,0.10856440414785737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073798644179096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322668748998708,0.0,0.1149872822615641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431004971168046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086337585750666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228571818103186,0.1027932234890062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611269277497731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109257255495214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602550049008002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336808633219434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333224826302047,0.0,0.0,0.1912161213796088,0.17155170074188938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751058468610778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676527614466094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beau2000,2018/04/19,"About to just call it quits... I'm Beau and I'm 17 years old. I struggle with social anxiety, very, very poor self image, anger issues, keeping a friend, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I have no one anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm a poser. I'm annoying. No one can ever like or stand me longer than a month. Only time my ""friend"" hits me up is to buy cocaine. My other friend who I thought was a good friend of mine just turned on me out of nowhere today and is now wanting to fight me. I'm a pussy. I'm not cool never will be. I'm a gamer. My video games are the only thing that can take my mind off of my mental suffering. I just want to take my dads gun and end it but I'm such a pussy....😞 I'm scared. I don't belong in this world. I don't feel like a man I feel like a bitch. A bitch and a pussy because that's what everyone says I am... everyone who I ever thought liked or loved me ends up wanting to fight me or hates me. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! It's why I'm so quiet now.. i doubt anyone will read this.. I just want to at least know I'm not a lone. I don't feel anything anymore. I feel so bad for my girlfriend because she can do so much better. I don't feel love for anyone anymore. I can't tell her that's because I'm to scared and she's the only person I have left. She probably is on the brink of leaving me soon. Everyone does.. I never leave my house unless I go to work with my dad. Lol ikr I go to work with my dad what a faggot. I never used to be this way. I just want to go back to normal.....",-0.8219176201372989,0.9999727739130436,1.7345575896262415,98.79725972540048,87.92753623188406,4.675057208237988,17.194889397406563,5.9092894577622985,-0.6051449275362315,1177,28,296,9,38,403,156,345,0.209,0.6759999999999999,0.114,-0.9892,0,0,1,1,2,0,56.0,0,0,0,4,18,29,7,4,16,2,25,2,0,1,5,49,66,14,1,6,13,3,5,4,5,2,0,2,0,3,17,10,0,1,11,3,2,3,14,16,0,2,4,8,47,13,32,57,2,32,0,3,0,2,27,11,2,4,20,175,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399214179696,0.0,0.3318339164887881,0.1169802706676656,0.0,0.06883695245761537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432180797282744,0.06984438773778966,0.1529770794434002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398176686296476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541616381619578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204775838497311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732028168455871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481784223509056,0.0,0.0,0.0552501403384488,0.1513327136798295,0.0,0.23979393173177915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148016608236364,0.1195193789684858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585116178160188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426209372794356,0.07016178365220062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258721273412196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965210510771312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873090318051835,0.0,0.07435210379229383,0.0,0.0,0.13791581734609265,0.0,0.0,0.1771468780739569,0.0908861412642942,0.0,0.0,0.1634689671770916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099506676500862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429968438867813,0.0,0.08446281345198893,0.0,0.06676875792917132,0.0,0.061492490932443626,0.0,0.19354847581456164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195939408569781,0.0,0.0,0.08777676919553698,0.0,0.11336702368852655,0.190859143402949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304009130020046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018901828276514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897223957807349,0.08367279477366313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652196299616152,0.16749680179766474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726535806217814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527080161831012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744930738437658,0.0,0.09149969572112147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578901662965908,0.0,0.07311392499343704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557344792260693,0.0,0.0,0.19922664456582728,0.04877707974080801,0.0,0.07929056868837235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098735099650312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224687857950758,0.0,0.1380402815638386,0.2466951520126508,0.06639760170932263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754812565125497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217966223710458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914583159904314,0.0,0.053867959079147404
suicidewatch,theroggenrola,2018/04/19,"don't know what I want to do I haven't really done anything, but i really don't know if i want to go on with life. i don't have any particularly close friends, and haven't had for a long time. people just aren't interested in me, or spending time with me, and I don't know how i would change that or if people would be convinced. i'm at university, not with my parents, and they've never seemed terribly concerned about me anyway. i feel really lonely a lot of the time, and i feel like it's going to follow me for my entire life. i've seen some people (i'm autistic), and they haven't helped in any way. i'm scared of death and don't even know how i might, but i just don't know if i want to live like this any more. ",5.1525,3.626829560509556,6.344004777070067,84.53345939490447,68.68152866242039,9.63343949044586,26.631369426751593,8.472884824447931,1.3659815286624202,559,11,135,7,8,190,78,157,0.128,0.7509999999999999,0.121,0.2382,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,18,2,0,2,1,39,36,15,1,8,10,1,2,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,8,0,1,3,12,3,0,0,3,3,19,5,16,29,3,14,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,9,7,84,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016404933905252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167250374553565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564115466488478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130754235823074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976571836385471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952039787412905,0.10562802075063672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423281632910348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805941097802696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910444563833899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062876648735837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088694680314089,0.14446948776080762,0.0,0.13055914254046996,0.13084749202096865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570148492732305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685135276922954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403530036182236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417606943752852,0.0,0.0,0.3075132249398148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841601172744301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802917994256012,0.0,0.0,0.13460212218027412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586472471067328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26162706862201385,0.1173608382452206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100646538041199,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineedescapeplz,2018/04/19,"Im probably gone by the time u read this. Hey guys, im here, im drunk my name is luke annas im lost without my ex she doesnt care for me and without her i donct care for myslef. Im killing myself tonight. plz do not assume that its just a break up its been 2 years and im still in love and plz dont give me ""answers"" cuz no matter what someone says it doesnt help. i have no more genuine friends so im here telling you that yet another life is gone. we need to look more into depression in high schools. Holding on is no longer an option. GBYE
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suicidewatch,petitepinaypls,2018/04/19,"I wrote a suicide note ""just in case"" I'm such an edgelord. Like I'll ever have the courage to actually do anything.",2.428750000000001,4.028024375000005,3.84,88.905,76.08333333333334,6.466666666666668,32.83333333333333,7.1686216300943375,1.9147333333333327,91,5,20,1,2,30,22,24,0.165,0.625,0.21,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.4952326644599842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176173445892108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590497093502435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479317922930705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.55510679356852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SultanOfShake,2018/04/19,"I haven't lived in 20 years The only time i was happy was in my childhood. Everything past then has been me being alive. Not experiencing anything, not making friends, not living. I just exist. Everytime i think it gets better everything just resets. Back to me just being. I promised myself that i would kill myself when i turned 25. That was a year ago. I should be dead, but the shrink i saw 'tricked' me into getting some help from a clinic. Since then i just listen to nurses and doctors tell me how this new thing will help me and that life is worth living but nothing changes. It never does. I just am and i'm tired of it. I know for a fact that i won't live to see 30. I hope that i'll find the courage to end it sometime this year. The only ones that would miss me are my parents but they'll forget me in a few months. Everyone does. ",1.2841149870801054,3.494145796511632,2.543643410852713,93.84541343669252,82.31395348837209,4.985012919896642,19.439276485788113,6.139981653823899,-0.11353204134366955,655,17,141,5,18,210,106,172,0.08800000000000001,0.7659999999999999,0.146,0.8771,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,8,9,2,0,8,0,18,4,0,2,2,28,30,10,2,4,11,1,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,0,13,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,5,4,26,6,11,16,2,19,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,2,15,98,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196443754929023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107030825505404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378499895769246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937160721608875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278228988589153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814937793542306,0.2362295000547525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954497155722005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897135895888331,0.24260793918073936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336179908057493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104278894014146,0.0,0.14103441132605046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436800131373237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093753292884704,0.0,0.0,0.1340574727068206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932632208528762,0.0,0.07417698294778584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953345886916088,0.0,0.0,0.4767303626072581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009473852315147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077332197349436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104098589025789,0.13035662568647605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295091023623038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146039893904144,0.20530430371307454,0.0,0.0,0.14987023426974172,0.0,0.1288458754275437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755506639558804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165008500759728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349058208919534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797132058915773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966928039646647,0.08648449290853177,0.0,0.0,0.07870315418057912,0.15513025296594107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681058300358246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176021807121646,0.0,0.0,0.2607522823010868
suicidewatch,beanieshark,2018/04/19,"Ex gf ruined me what do I do? I resigned from 3 semesters of classes(wasted 1.5yrs and $20,000) because I didn't have the guts to leave a toxic relationship.  My college transcript looks horrible with 15 classes resigned. It's all because she threatens to fuck other guys if I don't talk to her for 8-12 hours a day and buy her gifts. This drove me insane to the point I wanted to drop out entirely. She was my first gf ever back when I was 20 years old. I am extremely depressed at all the TIME and MONEY she costed me. Along with a fucked up looking transcript now. I feel like killing myself everyday. Will people even hire me if they look at my transcript? I feel like I don't even have a future anymore. I just wanna end it all.",3.099301801801804,4.72370050675676,4.04972972972973,87.99504504504505,74.33783783783784,6.5549549549549555,26.52252252252252,7.1686216300943375,1.226863063063063,577,21,117,6,12,186,98,148,0.233,0.735,0.033,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,3,0,7,0,11,3,1,0,4,18,20,6,1,4,3,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,3,7,0,1,4,5,25,2,16,15,3,20,0,4,3,2,12,5,2,2,15,80,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760138967580208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647227128093786,0.0,0.21638207572756427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446084545283887,0.0,0.15286450330580312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719587563207954,0.0,0.0,0.23444963312486394,0.16054212253889746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794798965123769,0.2535855509037771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096562130865007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281574608321005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573452815748908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478346645726114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635691614079456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879272175565493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341693227926006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447119126638635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623691459167505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230432827741402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777732688322572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905486448632836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265285775457318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349085432255883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104683151081155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429222772944247
suicidewatch,owpain,2018/04/19,I’m a loser in every way. Can I please have a good reason to kill my self now? I don’t care anymore. I wanna watch my head rock like an ISIS shotgun execution video. Bloody and annoyed.,-0.13923076923077105,2.1161740512820515,2.2776410256410284,92.62569230769232,90.53846153846158,4.1456410256410265,18.056410256410253,5.6839178017228535,-0.343660512820513,144,4,31,1,5,49,34,39,0.28,0.495,0.225,-0.5719,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,3,5,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146718202994888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235038514625104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673350961389805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661323641767384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325636664951337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35104039719865066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501452656913936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482951151249669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262325615824959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310083473211224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518543543043641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RuthIsKindaOkay,2018/04/19,I want to commit suicide but at the same time I don't I don't want to be here anymore. But I'm so conflicted because I'm scared of the afterlife and all the unknown questions- how long will it take to die? What is death like? Will it hurt? Will I go to hell? These things make me feel so weak... but I hate being here. I just wish I was dead. ,-0.8097333333333339,1.1890018933333335,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,90.06666666666666,4.933333333333334,17.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.37473333333333336,262,7,66,3,9,87,51,75,0.396,0.4970000000000001,0.107,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,3,0,9,1,0,2,2,16,19,7,4,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,8,1,6,13,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398353068152297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226362059720753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27625751999288345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134590897765385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512788042504813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628021178472416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849560477883016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300443172563064,0.0,0.0,0.2355649352441747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768024264220375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981875959976819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266497153662138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911626754531924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013764163842596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684117585070552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521434171118248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140050681709744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30609907618410864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cute_centipide,2018/04/19,"I just got debarred from my semester exams due to low attendance & have to repeat the year. The reason of my low attendance: depression. Now I feel suicidal after getting debarred. I can't continue in this cycle. I want to die but my mother has already lost her brother and father to suicide. I don't want to her anymore. My girlfriend says that she loves me a lot too. If possible, I want to die by an accident. But I don't have guts to throw myself in front of a truck. I am so fucked. I don't know where I will end up. I am tired, I am sad. I had enough of this life. Only if there were a painless exit button in life where you just disappear from every where....From people's memories and history. I would have gone away long ago.",1.1868999999999978,3.4258522733333336,3.327583333333333,87.90337500000004,82.93333333333334,6.683333333333334,22.708333333333336,7.8658589789855275,1.2902333333333331,571,20,117,11,16,194,95,150,0.28300000000000003,0.647,0.071,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,1,0,1,8,7,1,0,6,0,15,6,1,1,0,16,26,7,4,6,6,3,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,6,4,6,0,0,5,2,24,1,19,19,2,25,0,5,0,2,10,10,1,3,9,83,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055654543592065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742718603891415,0.0,0.0,0.18402600966950036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684397071542269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957412138408933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628647308742965,0.0,0.3525427184538467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043145879396694,0.17549435584914413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310097822817386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587827940136236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701813215073565,0.0887365313637267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358398410539012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334187468043864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399318191905225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503066824127087,0.0,0.0,0.18540489684525785,0.1443953787876137,0.15329092997334007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291740903106692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177485124726464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147370141502812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462802066238334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506684410032402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371563753700561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521080604861465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005353492570966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065237444677815,0.0,0.0,0.10937403081995137
suicidewatch,AxeWilder,2018/04/19,"Why do I never learn Ever since I've came to college, I managed to find a community that has become a second home to me. Despite never being a talkative person, I quickly became friends with those within the community and would often show up to community events, and even help out in organizing some events as well. Over time, more and more people began to know me and appreciate me for being part of and helping out the small community. I was happy.

I decided to try become a community leader. Because I thought this community was such a home to me, I wanted to help better it and make changes to it more welcoming. Prior to this, many had expressed interest and supported me becoming community leader. I thought this was a good sign. However, when the votes came out, I realized that all those signs of support were false. Barely anyone supported me, despite all I've done for this community, ever since day one, and what I proposed I wanted to help the community become. I've should've seen the warning signs. Despite being here since day one, not many people cared to know about me, even including basic information, but they all seemed to wave and smile at me. I hate fake people.

Growing up, I never had a sense of community. This community here in college was one of my first. Yet, when I thought this place indeed valued me, they showed that didn't care about what I did and how hard I worked. No one heard my voice when I spoke.

I'm a fool. Tell me why I pour so much time and love into a community that doesn't love me the way I do to them..

",5.703738778384086,6.3694282842809375,6.767435310684737,74.57247315613448,67.16053511705685,9.639218447456434,30.45256116880831,9.682069395223575,2.8001464882943154,1223,44,227,25,19,411,146,299,0.078,0.763,0.158,0.9558,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,3,3,18,17,1,0,15,0,18,2,0,2,8,49,42,18,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,16,18,0,0,11,2,0,3,7,3,1,6,19,5,35,14,35,19,9,36,0,0,1,2,17,13,0,3,19,167,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384273039241936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055658812569461535,0.4033577529526279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075204423497064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088576875856118,0.18618350697633734,0.0,0.09658881251354984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776862241811115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343693706664596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061246887663095,0.16518159145762815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345131383066036,0.07766417058896978,0.0,0.0,0.0705421838457847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658248372982822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719610087466896,0.08179153989325214,0.09014499840618552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447998481981978,0.0,0.18317315362607733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035791840136918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481304553398293,0.0,0.06094694107108479,0.18513831740561185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711983990721662,0.0,0.2112606354689903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474831110384215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887465193959476,0.0,0.18989862235575336,0.07972419332083681,0.09539451801281004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312084000028779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265858560583215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108362333149196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980478374081576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745842924465325,0.10648161210256807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199024863342945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770836476386396,0.07247383102188745,0.0,0.0,0.08209435503095801,0.0,0.16477751271073968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647128511809215,0.0,0.0,0.06486060619156776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imtomyyy,2018/04/19,"I don't have a reason Since I was kid I loved football, I was probably the happiest person on the planet just with the ball. The time flew and life was pretty much beautiful, because football was the way for me to forget the world, forget all the problems. 

Later in high-school, I was diagnosed with tumor in my knee, had to stop doing all activities. Slowly stopped talking to people, kept everything in me, gained few pounds, started to hate the world, why me. 

My life became just gaming for few years, sure there were attempts on girls, but I've been so lucky that first I fell for moved to Paris, 2nd moved to Canada. (I'm from Slovakia) The another attempt broke me so hard, that I wasn't talking to anyone anymore. Then something happened with my skin, had terrible acne for maybe another 3 years, trying to get rid of it any way, but it just didn't work out. 

I've been so done with my life, thinking about why should I even live? What's next for me? What's the point, cut connection with ""friends"" who only needed me when they wanted something, but if I wanted something they disappeared like ghosts.

Finished high school, started Uni, it felt good for a while. But my acne got even worse, I was afraid of going into public, I was scared of what are other people thinking. I tried fucking everything to get rid of it. Can't invite that beautiful girl out with that ugly acne scarface, can't go out without everyone looking and pointing at you. So I stayed home, forgot all the social life, got a little job while studying so I won't have to think about all the bullshit.

After 4 years, and probably millionth attempt of getting rid of it, I saw it's getting better, even if the pills caused depression(even bigger than I had) I was getting happier cos it was looking good. Around 3 months later that semester, we had this group project where we were 3 boys and 1 girl, I barely knew her, cos she arrived to our class just this semester. I didn't think much but after talking about this project we kept kinda longer and it was really nice feeling. Later that day she texted me she have to see me tomorrow asap. She got me, 3 years older, beautiful girl, which I couldn't even imagine wanted to see me.

Next almost 3 months were so beautiful, we were going for trips all around, getting to know each other, everything looked so good. I started to gain confidence, after maybe 7 years? I started to visit gym, started to love running again, everything looked so perfect.

Then, I bought her roses, she made the dinner, we had beautiful night, and very next day she simply didn't even wanted to talk, write or anything. And since we had this ""family sharing"" where you can see each other location anytime (it was her idea), I checked it randomly and she was with her ex. Who she was cursing probably whole time, how the hell she even was able to be with him, how she can't stand him even 1 minute when she wanted to pack he things and so on.

Things escalated and work got full of rage, people screaming at each other, school became unbearable, literally everything went downhill after that. 

I can't focus anymore, she was the reason, I tried to look at everything from the lighter side. To say, fuck all the bad, and focus on her, because she made me smile, she was the only person who said to me I love you, after 23 years I though I found someone, who actually cares. 

But it was probably just a game, I wake up early at 4AM thinking about why? I usually wake up at 6AM going for an early run saying it will be nice day. Now I can't. I try to run, I quit. I don't see happiness in it anymore. I don't see happiness in anything. Tried gym again, tried everything I loved, games, films, nothing works now. She gave me hope and she took it away. 

I've got my papers ready, I'm ready to end all of this, I've been thinking about suicide(really close to it) twice in my life, somehow I made kept going. But I'm not so strong this time, I just don't have a reason anymore, don't have a will to breath.",4.000173745173747,5.5776480939510975,4.61674195624196,85.02820173745177,71.92149292149294,7.393642213642213,26.46351351351351,7.965292045401009,1.571861621621621,3127,105,604,43,60,998,313,777,0.097,0.752,0.151,0.9949,1,0,3,0,0,1,123.0,7,3,2,13,43,34,6,2,26,0,60,19,5,11,9,111,135,41,1,12,18,1,4,1,1,4,7,4,1,8,42,36,1,6,16,7,2,17,18,13,0,2,57,19,94,21,89,71,16,108,1,1,11,6,71,36,3,9,52,392,136,10,0.04720571915019905,0.0,0.046065972383741736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047269708876920766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032101507775220084,0.09899862494291804,0.0,0.0,0.1872615553674891,0.033007336417459114,0.0,0.07769256934534298,0.08404619647464155,0.0,0.0,0.04435132705886325,0.0,0.03941480370621003,0.05755233649263411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174962245627427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481293767698884,0.04849327698105181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133135086050953,0.0,0.0,0.047912811264870216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048307840166277455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181025576731371,0.0,0.0,0.2494314583277276,0.0,0.0,0.0451070876046669,0.29697819570899725,0.0,0.04450135081339087,0.0,0.023868629975499444,0.0,0.04532489322950351,0.0,0.0,0.040153160594106514,0.0,0.05175863451115659,0.03647102151659445,0.08728185338306924,0.14797823947063105,0.0,0.13414049024641414,0.11878175268903485,0.18877362964463346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174386154523944,0.10050273164433544,0.042287052210398,0.046605874630599814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975086811202484,0.04735118522672676,0.04688593044425153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053289511020691474,0.0,0.0,0.04684439229461548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025943028708741062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671397737377608,0.023062329923811062,0.04731253197589038,0.04168351485849226,0.0,0.19820457510998746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042001826952335,0.1340015785393715,0.0,0.0,0.09484897953255073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535830931371627,0.10034441760513094,0.06940327027011227,0.03500244260837713,0.0,0.0,0.1506114535603328,0.04429936961934773,0.0,0.045295160669901885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180415316979906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817950571319292,0.08243642630497107,0.0,0.0,0.08924932566757911,0.0,0.0,0.048025187138126466,0.20358299741513194,0.04516949795511471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050209092983061164,0.0,0.0,0.030241192459139175,0.14560602416348048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490344891275344,0.07507976513413846,0.04726115997363778,0.1433241239192029,0.18808423208823571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809811738297284,0.0,0.0,0.04812028591723801,0.03999725264761495,0.1090238065937918,0.0,0.0,0.16706225490506973,0.05031501569332166,0.0,0.07893218988349593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044490831642323855,0.0,0.0,0.15176867572827735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627227644795203,0.18148511248830124,0.0463793793885433,0.0,0.08257810336445556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052447290899534586,0.1922975078291918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199043047017663,0.038949662081760025,0.13921578106398602,0.0749394052321286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376017458609705,0.12778745745940095,0.05270349961777858,0.0,0.04550462872077567,0.0,0.10309897727623957,0.0,0.048106660711465514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239361259458653
suicidewatch,kimcarbsdashian,2018/04/19,"Told my GP I was still cutting myself, deeper and more often than I was the last time I saw him. Finally told him I was suicidal. Advised me to 'give thanks to God, read the bible and pray'. I have never felt so alienated as when I reached out for help, and was told by a doctor that I should seek God. I told him I was not religious and didnt believe in God or Jesus, and he told me 'You may not believe in Oxygen, it does not mean it isn't there'. 

I told him I wanted to go to inpatient therapy, to stop these thoughts and feelings from happening. He told me no.
He told me I don't need a psychologist - I need Jesus, for the Devil is talking to me.

I went into that appointment suicidal but hopeful I was going to get help. I was going to be ok.
I left alienated, rejected, crying, bleeding and wanting to end my life even more.",2.6923616734143043,3.8531752222222204,4.652280701754389,85.13647773279355,74.55555555555556,8.068556005398111,26.604138551506967,8.617729084823388,1.8260189833558256,637,23,136,12,13,219,97,171,0.122,0.76,0.118,-0.4215,0,1,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,5,1,15,3,0,0,1,28,41,12,2,6,5,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,4,1,0,4,8,3,0,0,20,3,30,3,19,18,2,17,4,1,1,0,21,5,0,4,8,96,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284743784109613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137739872906877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378184823290207,0.08873125051014212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980567470204158,0.0,0.0,0.06697029232403019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126824459272671,0.0,0.09735488440746944,0.11107301939976152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052974584795809666,0.09726710695579303,0.1728749610882733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966306428743706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592556016310822,0.0,0.0,0.1007078894951599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826502742516775,0.0,0.0,0.11016571924319883,0.0,0.0716181278757807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044863439923444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036588114451324,0.07820190093496994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142221343212122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097399794547548,0.08477057169474055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181885267498536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149727903045192,0.0,0.09335068560289723,0.11595376135858712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049612509927674,0.059124108444683764,0.0,0.0,0.7750964182042792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961053017424525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399397185357314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleIceQueen,2018/04/19,"Dead inside. Empty. After many years of being fucked over by people, including the ones meant to protect you, I no longer feel the capability of connecting with people. Even my 'loved' ones. It's horrible to admit, I know. But it's as though my feelings have been eroded. I'm just dying slowly inside, I feel my mind slipping away from me. I know I'm doing unhealthy, destructive things, but I don't want to stop, because I need to feel SOMETHING",3.332029411764708,5.6948367176470605,4.518455882352941,81.59180147058824,75.94117647058823,6.602941176470589,23.56617647058824,7.6454224807358475,1.3330294117647061,351,11,62,5,8,115,61,85,0.195,0.74,0.065,-0.8443,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,16,19,4,2,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,4,11,1,13,16,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247393560690206,0.0,0.0,0.13785801067162154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347064116967574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936893417169494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573898536752578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907062003750376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485705739534343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410782714499145,0.0,0.0,0.22927905715538524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834549098306406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768622789992393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30648811740281506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135657541450965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410014384375586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907025046126688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024299727740836,0.0,0.22218972741470888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338822922703356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563220263998752
suicidewatch,ocdgonnakillme,2018/04/19,"I don’t know what to do anymore. Crippling guilt due to real event POCD I can’t keep living like this. The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t know how, and that’s the only thing stopping me right now. I feel like I’ve made the same post a million times. I’ll just post a piece of a previous post for a TL;DR: 

so as some of you might know, I’ve been suffering from real event POCD. this might be a little TMI as it talks about masturbation. The real events are 1. when I was 16 I masturbated to pictures of teen girls (probably 14-16, possibly as young as 13) in bikinis a couple of times which were posted on a twitter account, and 2. more recently, at 18, I masturbated to pictures of a 15 year old in a bikini, which were posted on a twitter account that posts celebrity bikini pictures (she’s a model). Those memories have been causing me a lot of distress and anxiety because I’m not sure how bad it was, I’m not sure if those pictures count as CP even though they were in bikinis and not doing any sexual acts, and I’m not sure if this would classify me as a pedo/predator/sexual deviant. If so, then I honestly don’t want to live anymore. 

I don’t know if this is me reassurance seeking but I honestly just want the above questions to be answered and I just need to know that I’m not what my mind is telling me I am. I’ve spoken out against r*pe, ch*ld m*lestation, and even older guys preying on underage girls many times, but recently I remembered these events and now I feel like a total hypocrite and like I’m no better than the guys that I speak out against. I feel like I don’t deserve anything good and I feel like I don’t deserve to be around my friends (who are mostly girls who also speak out against that stuff and some have even experienced it themselves, and I feel like I’m just another creepy guy in their lives).

I know I post here a lot. I know this might seem like reassurance seeking but I need answers. I can’t seek professional help right now. Today was awful. I spent most of it dissociating and ruminating on my obsessions and how horrible of a person I am. I need help. 

This was also posted in r/ocd. I’m sorry if reposting is against the rules or something I just need support 
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suicidewatch,PacoJonesCR,2018/04/19,"I only want to die I made lots of mistakes, my life it’s ruined now...  ",1.8774999999999973,1.4595067499999992,4.662500000000001,90.1325,75.25,6.4,22.25,3.1291,-0.04605000000000015,52,1,13,0,1,19,15,16,0.48,0.455,0.066,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112795374930205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479641561839521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188224496959829,0.0,0.4661451401005372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37467271733633495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29057012824312595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway6457910,2018/04/19,"I shouldn’t be jealous of a dead girl, right? A girl at my school died because of a drunk driver and I know I shouldn’t be saying this but I can’t stop wishing it was me

I’m just so exhausted about everything that I think at this point I’m so stressed out about everything that I’m just numb

I want to kill my self so badly but I haven’t gotten enough courage to do it fully 

I wish I could’ve been the one hit ",0.2685024154589364,2.0120895217391315,1.9923188405797128,98.98553140096621,83.13043478260869,5.393236714975847,18.917874396135264,6.42735559955562,-0.2860618357487925,324,8,81,3,9,106,58,92,0.334,0.551,0.115,-0.9751,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,4,0,9,3,0,0,0,14,19,6,3,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,6,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,1,12,1,9,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009617058941615,0.13148556425721655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722147677515294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238571761364277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287041468657576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877052040389134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863436772910515,0.0,0.1185402357642444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616039669552833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390132981794115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420220333625967,0.0,0.1715291834281125,0.0,0.2182946798647005,0.0,0.0,0.2250167453842424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033053316988296,0.2470776950550288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382085354771698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722239715880235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960768113339248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,100PercentageWater,2018/04/19,"Selfishness Is it really that selfish of me to want to die? 
Ironically, isn't it selfish of people to want me to live?

If I'm in so much pain, isn't it selfish to expect me to live on? 
Brand me a coward if I did proceed with the deed?

I know everyone's going through with something.
I'm so sorry it always has to be about me, me, me.",0.3015459882583187,1.981811013698632,3.510019569471627,88.47191780821919,82.69863013698631,6.36320939334638,22.757338551859107,7.447530270364453,0.9298900195694716,256,9,58,4,7,93,43,73,0.311,0.6579999999999999,0.031,-0.9762,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,12,4,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,15,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23795622758679555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967995428799737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732638006522031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625276298365688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571657804093369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050468252175817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210226401424116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30430027202799825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826082257463232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320453894221533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201594866310092,0.0,0.3201284495970151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373539322931045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wellbeadream,2018/04/19,"im so tired im on mobile and don't know how reddit works too well so excuse any mistakes or if I do something wrong..Im just tired. I dont want to live anymorr Im trying to take into consideration that I've started new medications that can make me suicidal, but I feel like I always feel this way anyway. Im just tired of fake friends. Im tired of failing. School. Hurt. Abuse. Lots of abuse. Text that the world would be better without me

i want to cut. i want to purge.

I'm tired and truly convinced that my only purpose is to be abused and no one will ever care what happens

I've done what everyone has told me to do & that's to go to therapy and report it etc etc but I get nothing

so what's the point of continuing when this is all im going to get

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suicidewatch,Delsincameback,2018/04/19,"Current There’s such a nice fog out right now. Almost numbing, like you can breathe in the memory of a time from your past. Nothing but a dark structure behind me when all the lights are turned off. I really do miss it, when I was younger that is. Everything’s much the same but more intense... the main goal, the answer to happiness, but when I was younger it seemed magical, and like an adventure.
Seems like it turned out that there was no adventure. No princess to be saved, no hero to be uplifted. Just a dark room. I’m sitting in this dark room. It didn’t matter what happened, or what I did, this fog would be here regardless, good or bad. 
I wish I could admit that I really am in control of my emotions, and that positivity, exercise, and diet have been working, but the reality is, no, they haven’t. So while I had the time of my life, and discovered an incredible happiness, it had to come to an end, it had to be fleeting like everything, and it had to come with a price.
So I’ll sit in this fucking darkness, in this goddamned fog outside that would normally bring comfort, but I’ll sit in it during more pain than I could possibly imagine FUCKING EXISTING.",5.009999999999998,5.772068421052634,5.70905263157895,81.20436842105265,68.73684210526315,9.588771929824562,32.305263157894736,9.725611199111238,2.9577557894736852,912,39,183,20,15,297,124,228,0.117,0.677,0.206,0.9737,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,1,4,11,19,2,0,15,0,26,8,1,1,1,36,40,18,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,2,4,0,2,0,19,10,1,1,5,1,1,3,6,6,0,0,10,1,15,13,23,22,6,28,0,1,0,2,4,12,2,5,14,132,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432025702306381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940630331703105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246378689756494,0.0,0.0,0.16039643384146612,0.2283616439651233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086555561839794,0.12666327401062066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570540230786147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264418504702317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994892490847547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126462134137425,0.3044708721211497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101128448012717,0.2794673374609399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512786011618798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011817680494745,0.1372207187446126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217135533105114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136517999977989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122083839774695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832300892000004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212866098846108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603795257071454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667790632030602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111048312683067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644529642380006,0.0,0.0,0.1041120475450762,0.0,0.0,0.20317857563975386,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elliot-saderson,2018/04/19,Nothing left I don’t have anything left anymore. I’ve lost everything and it’s all my fault. I’m just a big fucking mess and I feel like everything is just too overwhelming. Nothing makes me feel like it’s worth living anymore. I just don’t wanna do it. I feel completely exhausted.,0.7734325396825419,3.2784934464285698,2.429523809523811,88.72658730158732,96.67857142857143,6.060317460317463,25.865079365079364,7.3871296695380915,1.9298198412698413,227,11,43,5,9,74,35,56,0.191,0.685,0.124,-0.5699,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,11,12,2,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,11,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38962652625631866,0.0,0.0,0.1616513643206104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596103154490691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530908032911995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29797417944973,0.2806700468749527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160334763919556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268599410252809,0.0,0.0,0.19193892687600064,0.0,0.17345795365841146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443478835600704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311235885555705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769742502330972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slynn21,2018/04/19,"This world makes me want to die. Last summer I got everything ready to hang myself, but then I didn't. 

Life would be so easy for me, if I was a self-interested normie of average intelligence like everyone else. Life would be so easy, if I had chosen to pursue selfish happiness instead of doing what is right. 

But I am a selfless person of superior intelligence, speaking my mind and trying to help others has left me more depressed than most people are capable of feeling or understanding. 

Bearing the costs of doing the right thing has left me so poor, hopeless and alone in this satanic world. I am a pearl in the midst of absolute swine and filth. I feel like I am beholden to complete ass holes for my future and that so many would be happy to see me fail and rot. They hate me without a cause. 

God knows how much disappointment I have felt and will feel. I know that when I do eventually die I will greet death like a long awaited friend. I will surrender my soul to death without looking back at this life of abuse and pain. 


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suicidewatch,ArtieSez,2018/04/19,"I envy dead people Every time I read a news article about someone who died....in car accidents, shootings, whatever, I wish it was me instead of them. I don’t have the guts to kill myself but I don’t want to be here anymore. ",2.0336956521739147,3.739741717391308,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,77.47826086956522,7.208695652173913,26.71739130434783,8.07648339933343,1.7954086956521742,173,7,35,3,4,60,39,46,0.202,0.721,0.077,-0.6597,0,0,0,1,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,7,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,24,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714895979609879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156056595440023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144249583559042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25969142489019154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374688316609018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173863055115084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842466176281966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094108717955813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307565038405762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DJAzron,2018/04/19,"is there a legitimate way to ignore or silence the tiny voice telling me to jump I'm 24. Figured out I had depression at 13. 


I've tried pills, sure I don't feel like dying but I don't feel anything else either. Quickly just stopped taking them. I'd rather suffer than just numb everything. 

once I hit highschool I found weed. I've been smoking it ever since because I can momentarily forget and enjoy what I'm doing. However it's very short lived and expensive.



How have you all dealt with it? 


because at this rate I'm going to guess another couple years before I just give up fighting. It's hard when you have no real future or support. 



what's the point of anything if I can't enjoy life. Why suffer through it all. Just to make everyone I've met happy?",1.6636803405572778,4.138713703947372,3.345743034055728,87.00049535603718,83.01315789473685,5.681733746130033,23.41486068111455,7.048011613610866,1.0200962848297221,601,22,116,8,17,199,106,152,0.189,0.696,0.115,-0.8448,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,2,1,0,10,12,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,2,4,29,24,8,1,2,10,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,4,4,12,6,12,19,3,15,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,4,7,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183646403242214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882456383034681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352376563112968,0.0,0.14902867802821645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378574695904174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084523183095344,0.0,0.18176454381978924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463044810628552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842143316010748,0.0,0.16735089813833048,0.15740183264382698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710904763968993,0.1251178997995938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202866848267686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168007358321493,0.09953438677397908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293313829246744,0.0,0.0,0.18643658124687898,0.15688834156298742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370443461230315,0.08556308622135386,0.0,0.1546491697772434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690529999140507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865151772292336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556106370259646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934423563173148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448751269589951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642236476005166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874337943390336,0.16506453929190962,0.0,0.13168121951762274,0.0,0.15307744769483667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890651910783205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450635759717326,0.0,0.13901558976123607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580338915846406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278247870164232
suicidewatch,sunflowerfeelings003,2018/04/19,I don’t know what to do I’ve wanted to kill myself for so long and I just need suicide methods that I can do at home. I just don’t know how to die.,-2.145833333333332,-0.6320805833333303,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,90.94444444444444,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.5563111111111108,113,2,32,0,4,40,24,36,0.335,0.665,0.0,-0.9337,0,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,9,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38170468033183536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689201942747729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069016531983548,0.0,0.4042520644616344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254797853361005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727092862690467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022991155545222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169302109348291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mysterydan,2018/04/19,the thoughts are back it's been so long since i was on this reddit and it's obvious why im back these thoughts are the worst i was 16 the last time i was on here but im 17 now,-2.123720930232558,-0.5077066279069733,0.38725581395349096,107.60367441860464,92.02325581395347,4.370232558139535,15.576744186046513,5.6839178017228535,-1.2001032558139535,137,3,41,1,5,46,28,43,0.068,0.932,0.0,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,3,0,2,2,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291910103372349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6029091756486129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274876727815145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469772615657237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308580877289545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431171301622744,0.16273395287723458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518265403689425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diggitydawg06457,2018/04/19,"First time considering it Well I’ve gotten to the point of considering suicide. The girl I’ve been going for has gotten more distant from me, and she’s even going to call off prom tomorrow. I care so much for her and she cares so little for me. Heck, Saturday night we kissed for the first time (many times) and she initiated and was even the one who begged me to come hang out but she tells me now that she doesn’t remember any of it because she was drinking (she remembers little things before and after it though). I will somehow have to tell my family about losing her and they will be even more devastated. I’m also a runner and worked my ass off this season and the last and I’m running slower times than freshman year, and running means a shit ton to me. I can’t even get better there. I have no friends. No one to talk to, as everyone just leaves me on open or delivered or read. I have no more meaning to life, as EVERY good thing I’ve had and done has come crashing down and bites me in the ass. I can’t find any solace and I am just done. ",3.715972222222221,4.547844949074077,4.666740740740742,87.25233333333334,71.73148148148148,7.797037037037038,24.12222222222222,8.021203637495839,1.069207777777777,823,21,179,11,15,268,124,216,0.14800000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9617,1,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,1,5,15,9,1,0,8,0,18,6,3,0,0,29,31,22,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,8,18,1,0,5,3,0,8,6,2,1,4,8,0,27,7,26,20,5,32,0,1,0,3,18,10,4,3,14,129,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343125543999428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890080354658656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122027241445046,0.0,0.09941622203376507,0.0,0.0,0.1033292361611372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929948874146662,0.0,0.238237926283176,0.0,0.0,0.20128245580465656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391213108671164,0.0,0.11445179696267567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086682052101921,0.0,0.09843678620661636,0.111638875597623,0.0,0.0,0.11013969270027336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678318544697847,0.19875606865618373,0.0,0.0,0.09026483531133724,0.0,0.061040386129576636,0.0,0.13279769808657926,0.09799392228511483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523443503113334,0.0,0.1237092082000225,0.0,0.0,0.08252255673669474,0.0,0.2341945867912121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070616890160552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845025784124658,0.0,0.254530632649602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588564976373726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096397944671516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583380400375526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044488676258199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686455106492337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646978789424196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199273282411985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779626749591622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390588712876767,0.2042342685950762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552372204173008,0.0,0.11478776486817213,0.0,0.2725048944086056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504683910920172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505576772664752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523657924415023
suicidewatch,Deadsotc,2018/04/19,"It feels like my soul is out of breath. Let me preface by saying I don't believe I have a soul but you know what I mean. Basically I've gotten to the point where just being awake and conscious is so unbearable that it feels like my entire body and soul is exhausted. The only reprieve I have is going to sleep and sometimes I dream and feel happy but the moment I wake up, I mean the instant I open my eyes, it feels like someone is sticking a knife in my gut since I have to be alive again. I have no responsibilities whatsoever so I can lay in bed all day if wanted to but sometimes I still drag myself out and sit around my house all day just to get a change of scenery from staring at my ceiling. The only reason I haven't committed suicide yet is because I know my parents would be crushed and I don't want to inflict that pain on them. But at this point I really don't know how much longer I can keep going. I've been feeling this way for almost 5 years now and I keep telling myself things will change but they never do. I've given up on trying or wanting to be happy or anything else, all I want to stop existing. Just looking for some words of encouragement I guess.",2.6814876033057864,4.301494049586779,3.9521404958677695,88.27911983471077,75.44628099173553,6.327603305785124,24.49669421487604,6.961326702584282,0.8406819834710744,928,30,195,9,20,304,134,242,0.097,0.765,0.138,0.9238,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,2,0,12,8,0,0,8,0,25,8,6,2,5,52,48,18,1,6,11,1,5,3,0,2,2,1,1,0,9,11,0,3,12,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,3,9,33,6,26,38,5,29,3,0,3,0,7,15,0,6,13,134,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527642712782744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947342602831736,0.10248154128161424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017631249860068,0.0,0.0,0.12970124143853992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787278533632934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435641860796241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848623726977636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961683019467664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29104160459037043,0.2467260581383682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060145644868318235,0.0,0.13085112488460168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268180725843665,0.0,0.0,0.2450955611068391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283345716352765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464855871118576,0.0,0.0,0.1898014434278745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771838376475136,0.0,0.16872600179000527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667212175374347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507996755943442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462672203627375,0.0,0.08878793066131131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510846643684472,0.12249619630087899,0.0,0.12782755360151682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765193040039352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737490604786998,0.11836291945833778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154834332484796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522876437382076,0.0,0.11520351422667185,0.0,0.09754112072387357,0.0,0.2277139903123433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193528071562608,0.09624578880775818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259230061878917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062028246990523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648086227488428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815917837874174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271603920940612,0.09137719579294927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177821190970777,0.0,0.0,0.07413374756050431
suicidewatch,when_life_wont_wait,2018/04/19,"25 heartbroken and hopeless I graduated in high standing among my class, but I'm now three years out of school and still underemployed with people looking down their noses at me all day long. I would like to drink myself away, but I don't want to wind up like another one of those fat old assholes that try to shit on people all day for their unfortunate circumstances. I have nothing and I'm not contributing anything meaningful to my life. I just go through each day waiting for it to be over until I don't have to think about it anymore. Everyone I know treats me like dirt, and I never stick up for myself because I just don't care anymore. I just smile and walk away. My family and those close to me think I'm a piece of shit when I'm not smiling and holly jolly laughing so I go for extended periods of seclusion because I feel like such a failure. I went up to a year without contacting anyone when I was at my worst. I just suck at everything I do whether it's playing guitar or programming and I feel like I don't have much fight left in me. ",5.976729559748428,5.711026547169813,6.439622641509434,80.35993710691825,66.54716981132076,9.896855345911954,33.232704402515715,9.516144504307137,2.844715723270441,836,33,170,15,12,272,120,212,0.211,0.652,0.13699999999999998,-0.9634,1,0,1,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,11,15,4,0,3,0,11,6,4,0,3,35,28,16,0,2,11,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,12,2,1,6,3,0,4,8,6,0,2,2,4,30,9,36,24,6,37,0,1,1,0,4,18,3,1,19,119,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499980797249656,0.0,0.0,0.2742754213462372,0.09668937209935538,0.0,0.1137935768548317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25983932243780544,0.0,0.0,0.16858977070867742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098681458441786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675396419753999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546285034440975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213353305960568,0.12427815140910795,0.0,0.1303591302642629,0.0,0.13983817512655572,0.19757611501854813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717669079368765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610159211477128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599568545848816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024283806528968,0.0,0.09767204229136292,0.33778584422552466,0.0,0.0,0.12237443696145195,0.11612131116685526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165253171578986,0.0,0.1066509220770677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268446108228468,0.0,0.14510277074905786,0.0,0.09370286352266244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173343041826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994787273118506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838871585920197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043147854337852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720991226456498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388380133191976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156178545978135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281879807014614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329806207261324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982309379329256,0.0,0.0,0.17809701105696615
suicidewatch,DoctrVendetta,2018/04/19,"Today I was told I ""have a bleeding heart for other people."" Unsure weather it was a snide comment or not, it totally made my day, and made me realize that that is a large part pertaining to my affliction with suicide. 

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suicidewatch,hopelesslylost23,2018/04/19,"In danger of failing medical school. Feel like there is no way out other than suicide So this is a place I never thought I would be in. I am 23 years old, and am currently a medical student who was recently on track to be finishing up my second year, when I recently failed an important set of exams that is threatening to make me fail the whole semester. If I fail, I may be given the option to repeat, but I am not sure if I have it in me after this sort of setback to ever recover. I have watched my other classmates surpass me in every way imaginable and it is absolutely soul crushing to be so close to finishing my second year (which is the last year of classroom activity) yet still being on the verge of not being able to pull it off. I feel like I need a miracle to pass the final exams and the stress is slowly driving me insane. If by some chance I do pull it off and pass this semester, I still need to get through a very rigorous standardized exam which statistics do not predict I will perform well on. This could make it unlikely that I will ever be able to get a job if I ever make it to graduation. My parents (who are physicians themselves) have paid of out pocket to send me here (and to college as well) and if I can't pass, I am not sure I can live with the shame of having cost them so much, yet failed to give them any return on their investment. I feel like a failure in so many ways and like suicide is the only way out of this mess I am in. The only thing stopping me at this point is a fear of going to hell after I do it. But to be honest, the last couple of weeks have made become so depressed and nihilistic, that I am starting to question whether any of my beliefs can be true. My hands feel like they are totally tied and I am quickly succumbing all my negative thoughts. I have been eating little lately, struggle to get out of bed, and honestly just find myself counting down the hours each day until I go to sleep at night because I feel like it is the only reprieve I get from the nightmare that has become my existence. I really just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again. I hate my life and am so ashamed of everything I have become lately, but cannot even talk to anyone about it thanks to our societal standards that all but essentially prevent men from taking about this sort of despair. I am sitting in my room anxiously trying to study, and avoid the urge to put a bullet in my head. I am so scared, yet feel like I have too much pride to tell anything anyone about it. I have to pretend like everything is okay, even though I screaming inside. I would truthfully rather be dying from cancer, or just perish some sort of accident because I feel like that would be a much more dignified way to go out as opposed to taking my own life. I am only scratching the surface with this post, but if anyone has any advice on how to get out of this mess and/or if suicide is really something that is advisable here, that would be greatly appreciated in this very dark moment in my life. 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suicidewatch,CallaLilyGardenia,2018/04/19,"Disturbing thoughts I still have fantasies of overdosing on pills then setting myself on fire. I'm too scared to act such fantasies out. I hate how emotional and sensitive I am. Emotional, highly sensitive, anxious and highly intuitive. I wish I could accept myself and I took rejection less personally. I can be very shy and very self centered. I wish I didn't care for others opinions on me.",4.604245472837022,7.45161791549296,5.317826961770628,75.00197183098595,74.07042253521126,9.127565392354127,32.67806841046277,9.606745405546679,3.893702615694165,316,16,50,9,7,102,50,71,0.281,0.575,0.14400000000000002,-0.9051,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,13,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,1,12,2,7,8,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813102807732185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686296956835705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416261688561406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343891485503239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190631408401088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408009690369408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859432608685798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331171359518692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142970759376505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419788626302175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328787830175056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145244780887652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186306017532541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440763147667384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jmadse78,2018/04/19,"Suicide with a gun I want to die by suicide using a gun, but I don't know what time of gun I should buy. 
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suicidewatch,-Bro--,2018/04/19,"First-time thoughts, I just don't want to live This is something that I have never experienced in the past, and I'm just struggling to find my way through it. I've been having intrusive thoughts about how sucky everything is, and how life isn't really even worth living. It feels fake to me, like it's all just some sort of game. Dying seems way more desirable than living with my parents never agreeing with any of my decisions/desires, not having any close friends, or any friends that are actually there for me in times of need. Not having any friends that enjoy hanging out with me, or associating with me makes me realize that I'm probably the toxic one in a way that I don't completely understand. I feel like all of the ways I process things are completely narcissistic and selfish. I can't seem to change that. It if I can't change me being narcissistic then I will never really have anyone who would want to associate with me, understandably, then what's the point. Whenever I try to ""do the right thing"" as said by my parents, I just get extremely depressed. I enjoy smoking weed and nicotine and drinking, but my parents disagree with it. I know I can obviously do what I choose to do, but with them starting to so heavily opposing it since they found out, I find it hard to partake in the activities. But when I'm not doing anything that I consider ""fun"", then I feel like I'm just drowning in my own ""life"". I don't want to live it anymore. I can go through living it, but I just can't really find true satisfaction with anything, which to me doesn't seem like it's worth living. If I'm always going to be drowning in sorrow, then living a shitty life doesn't seem worth it. I'd like to get better, but I just can't do it. ",6.4500475678993405,6.0967968833819235,6.965978210833208,77.27367807273286,65.58892128279885,10.36974067822618,33.50452662267915,9.93914555978268,3.077569096209913,1373,53,272,27,19,451,155,343,0.115,0.7859999999999999,0.098,-0.425,3,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,2,1,14,18,0,1,8,0,31,4,0,3,7,72,60,23,3,8,19,3,4,5,3,2,3,1,0,0,26,16,1,1,18,2,3,3,16,5,0,1,5,6,37,13,40,51,5,29,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,10,16,185,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.07627519498761516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503735067499276,0.0,0.0,0.21261235903623588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751606505966445,0.05465294426634237,0.0,0.12864193610284758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912826168053582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537084033241914,0.0,0.16390350907974602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673211320345702,0.0,0.08112019654296095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656936278813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162550613689899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024729538533551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856372358554634,0.1116784209889512,0.0,0.0,0.21431696180784027,0.06648486931246082,0.0,0.08570100087639798,0.18116415221211446,0.0,0.08167322129171703,0.0,0.08884294866542845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700181280432049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295599269770136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562517372367802,0.19093092154375554,0.0,0.483131613500021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217398681240554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795640462674885,0.18085090761296396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296484263480804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26037017547985825,0.0,0.07461482341349009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388870098192442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427225140634838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021844099569695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675023421709414,0.07435030987526686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846243328243805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646567175650711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017320866807136,0.0,0.0,0.05532372555518745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171227669982875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385520685385938,0.0,0.0,0.1241043769139462,0.04557710467473167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306711637793312,0.0,0.0,0.16273956086736965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830656725383333,0.24816659458398385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055524302821638775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yum_Kaax,2018/04/19,"A painting gift for /r/suicidewatch [Prison of the Mind](https://i.imgur.com/rffj4lU.jpg) - I made this one for you all here. Finished tonight. Thought you might like to see something else tonight. But I suppose it was my own cry for help as I was doing it.  
  
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suicidewatch,throwaway183763719,2018/04/19,"Idk a vent I guess I’m sitting in my bathroom with a knife and I’m not sure what I’m gonna do yet. In all likelihood I’ll just cause some superficial damage, patch myself up, and move on. But I wish I could just cut my chest open and rip out my own lungs and be done. I’m the one my friends vent to but everyone else is falling apart or has drifted away so I feel like there’s no one I can go to. 
I’ve tried therapy. I’ve tried medications. It doesn’t work. I think I just wasn’t meant to exist in this world. ",-1.1040745341614908,0.8444053565217438,1.363136645962733,99.92010869565216,91.08695652173913,5.024844720496893,16.909937888198755,6.5431188927421005,-0.46122360248447203,396,10,103,5,14,134,80,115,0.105,0.8220000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.1188,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,3,0,9,3,2,1,2,24,20,8,0,2,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,3,1,12,3,11,14,3,16,0,1,0,0,1,10,0,3,2,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175228032864105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378371572842202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485170142276802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369276752358322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934071566312349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122946018797945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706462122285274,0.16539956307636927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887353919488228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315794471443321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504789344802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131100913549988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332343396982749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460715435035481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137709775131081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182070089252943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26476590452121274,0.0,0.0,0.1483501285497448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143768611664504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662391960013636,0.0,0.0,0.16855097724077256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thowinitaway2424,2018/04/19,"I deamed that I died last night. I have a long history of abuse. As a child my father who hates women would tell me and my sisters we would end up as whores. He would say Mexicans are lazy and dirty, our mother, his wife was mexican and therefore, us. My mother was physically abusive. She would hit us until we wet the floor. She was a prostitutes after her divorce. I ended up with OCD and anorexia nervosa, panic attacks. I almost died from self starvation. I was strangled by an ex bf and bested up by him, he was emotionally abusive, telling me I was a skeleton and that no one would want that (not surprising my mother told me the same thing). I am afraid of everything. It feels like a dark nothing that is after me and I want to run. It feels like death would be better then whatever that dark all consuming entity is. 
I've thought out my death. I would go camping, take pills and cut my wrist. I know it won't hurt because I've cut myself before. 

I had a dream last night. I drempt that I died, I thought it was real, I didn't know it was a dream. My car went off the road and fell into very steep river bank. I felt the car sliding and my mind thought ""I can fix this"" but it was too late and I was falling. My mind said "" I can survive this, brace for impact""  but I kept falling and my mind finally admitted ""this is too far, no one would survive this"". I thought of my children and how I would miss them growing up and then my mind was at peace and I realized they would be fine. They have father's who would care for them. At least now i would see what was on the other side of life. I hit the ground. Everything went black and my ears were ringing. And then there was nothing. And I thought ""I guess nothing is whats after life"" and it was a good feeling. Even when I woke up, I had a hard time for a few minutes believing I wasn't dead. 

I have been having suicidal thoughts for years.  Most days  I'm only waiting for then next, but for what? The next day I only try to make it thought that one. My life seems to be and endless wait for it all to be over. What kind of wasted life is that? ",1.64340277777778,3.5226850532407425,2.9076481481481515,93.4521666666667,79.25462962962962,5.986666666666667,22.837037037037035,6.961326702584282,0.5656442592592597,1621,52,361,18,40,523,211,432,0.13699999999999998,0.774,0.08900000000000001,-0.9578,0,0,0,0,2,1,57.0,5,0,4,4,7,18,4,2,18,0,50,8,2,3,2,76,86,32,7,14,4,8,6,2,1,13,5,4,0,4,29,25,0,3,16,2,1,11,6,9,0,3,34,12,66,9,38,33,7,53,0,2,2,1,38,17,0,4,27,248,95,0,0.0,0.2315008903515918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521707301740885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409339827145325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039701904459953016,0.0,0.055419801345117786,0.07337784093504329,0.06834864453256037,0.05760112005913962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640313963551246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400536015368615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027801972752808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326112003335065,0.11536954925418455,0.0,0.0,0.04301695001167166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706710965827345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879321584087553,0.09305603784929216,0.06253384972078861,0.0713454034222654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037014190926243286,0.05462693708301942,0.0,0.0,0.0717467023027222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834260115452095,0.06430119416936059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972171422613782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782161007021821,0.07158615687674677,0.10617730914875023,0.07346810930183789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400955527300406,0.06363727174664742,0.0,0.0,0.05763692760433939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347397150291026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630460376645165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853040911361975,0.12223791056605228,0.0,0.18747848490684552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239885621397127,0.09906675567689777,0.0,0.07641459954927479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413081887442632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195239141627847,0.051793026033144264,0.0,0.0,0.051899211520258434,0.05929080222838092,0.06794352960039449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124032288076462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048968742950050034,0.0,0.11385086218183152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043268672561169806,0.0,0.0,0.3619348771754522,0.03797711984209181,0.0,0.0,0.0622333476513649,0.0,0.04421817166188528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566838249412828,0.0,0.0,0.053738070666006964,0.07682929279269146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075007733459768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551874654929612,0.0,0.0,0.041940803928164586
suicidewatch,rhg561,2018/04/19,"What’s the point of living if I hate it Why should I even continue living if it’s not something I want to do. I don’t find enjoyment in anything. I’m only 17 and I feel like my life has been the same shit everyday and I hate it. The only thing that’s stopped me from killing myself is my family. I don’t want them to be sad, it’s not their fault. Idk what to do.",-1.1896341463414617,0.7402366219512189,1.5665365853658564,98.43639024390244,91.3170731707317,5.231219512195122,16.736585365853657,6.742157984588678,-0.28420390243902416,281,7,71,4,10,97,52,82,0.258,0.633,0.109,-0.9215,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,1,8,4,0,3,0,9,2,1,0,0,13,15,4,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,13,2,6,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,2,4,47,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051048665930766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448819182782562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678838555628928,0.0,0.11091248620230126,0.1567072661743963,0.0,0.0,0.2004865092844382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43313532718204706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426838233739506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493693382636464,0.10716578002563346,0.0,0.3873889931136865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336587460565641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736139049101265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516477014843772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887020686382834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833906141734362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572972468562093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587625416666396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793378207911988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GodofGamingRWBY,2018/04/19,"It took so much effort to post this Hello everyone. Goggy here... This is technically a slight mix with r/depression ... Because I really, really could not decide on where this actually belonged. And I'm serious on how hard it was for me to post this. I struggled to keep myself from crying while making this. I still struggled when I finished. It took more to hit the submit button.

To start, I want to say that I do feel suicidal. Ever since I was 10. I always wanted to just die, to not exist anymore. I had wished that I was just thrown off the roof of a building when I was born. I had wanted to put a knife into my own brain. I had wanted to hang myself. All for seven years of my life. I just don't do it because I don't want to ruin the lives of people around me by offing myself, and I'm too scared to do it.

And all because I feel completely worthless.

For every bad thing that happens to people around me, I always apologize and think in terms of the ""butterfly effect"" on how it was my fault. When my dog managed to get out of our backyard, I blamed myself, even though we had no idea how he got out. When my other dog got literally kidnapped and nearly auctioned off, I blamed myself for not keeping an eye on them when they were outside. Whenever my family, unfortunately, gets into fights, I always blame myself and believe that if I wasn't there to add stress to the family, they could still be happy.

Whenever I myself do something bad, it sticks with me for years on end. I still remember stupid shit I did when I was a kid, and constantly bash myself for it even though people tell me that I was just a kid and didn't know any better. I will be down for days if I get a bad score on a test, because I will view myself as an idiot. I even feel bad for posting here because to me, my issue is not even worthy of attention compared to others. Which makes me feel like a failure at being a failure.

My family says that I'm a bright kid who can do great things, and who can get through school easily. My best, and currently only friend, says that I'm one of the best influences of their life so far. But I don't feel that way. I struggle to keep up in school (I'm getting two D's right now and an F), and I lack motivation to do anything. If I say a more teasing joke to my friend or get upset when they troll me in games, I feel like an asshole.

This issue is why my life goal is to try and use my life to make other people enjoy theirs. To make something people can enjoy. But I just... Can't. I tried to do Youtubing, but due to my lack of funds I couldn't keep up with it and haven't returned to it for two years, even when I was actually growing. I'm currently trying to write, but I haven't updated anything in five months, and I struggle to actually write a new chapter.

I've begun taking anti-depressants for this very reason. It is early so they haven't taken effect, if they will at all, but I felt the urge to write this here.

I want this torment to end. I just want it to end. I want this feeling to leave me alone, and not torment me every second of my day, constantly sitting at the edge of my thoughts.

I just want it to end.",3.8776916717587473,4.4344710432766625,5.233317278314941,84.34177060493872,71.17928902627511,7.9351425182416175,25.5565579957586,7.97965635744439,1.3383037920994925,2443,68,513,31,43,820,263,647,0.114,0.815,0.071,-0.9688,2,1,2,1,1,3,84.0,2,0,8,8,41,33,5,7,24,0,47,7,3,13,4,103,98,44,2,19,22,0,9,2,2,3,4,4,1,3,39,27,0,4,19,2,2,5,16,20,0,6,23,16,90,13,88,65,12,76,0,2,3,0,31,28,1,5,40,377,129,6,0.0,0.0,0.1676167950899584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059298535137396025,0.0,0.0,0.14292132957580886,0.0,0.0,0.03893511538925583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678121349671339,0.0,0.0,0.09423137297880238,0.1019375283143005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122091598834687,0.1745094714828099,0.0,0.0,0.06450636771362203,0.12017041495805032,0.05063707222648549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639151083054689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003039585893712,0.12374384148255843,0.0,0.0914263349642348,0.0,0.06289152847135461,0.07384900649755992,0.0,0.09862666707741444,0.0,0.05942127216153039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284245140800056,0.0,0.0,0.18908073336661693,0.05179009557199216,0.09647899932434156,0.05470925767906353,0.0,0.0,0.16192372405335542,0.0,0.2026476476278862,0.08180544588103897,0.054973428670495546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884695785042702,0.0,0.17947910326303826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158352441421494,0.06312343760996701,0.0,0.0,0.050630084961667314,0.06094862398532284,0.051288907325227465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463351426219473,0.0,0.11951792818716207,0.0,0.20356220239483205,0.0,0.0,0.03146565025526078,0.0,0.0,0.06062439192850536,0.0,0.0,0.1617625686992892,0.055943445586179495,0.0,0.05055689197558351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528716547667716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045700103702506836,0.0,0.04208874479167676,0.0,0.0,0.055296883605981666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038797222680899086,0.043544730183234494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846577563531387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164502342092858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755672237223896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335757099946404,0.05886730089515261,0.0,0.0,0.06485834073767191,0.04889514576261249,0.0,0.18212473628123008,0.05732187814629995,0.11588949532490525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058771060424842377,0.04736162602207937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815483101558858,0.0,0.0,0.04052512559512365,0.0,0.13717087726968485,0.0,0.06558499136056674,0.23941990476551056,0.0,0.0626272782794444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304836036271555,0.0,0.050043074904012205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760748713002312,0.036686458497226765,0.11250477708520196,0.04545378507025232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722401311028428,0.11661641734746488,0.0,0.11185891864377444,0.0,0.0,0.04944962203383156,0.0,0.04724107036170054,0.30393240616094763,0.045446064564098575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051663403022687515,0.0,0.06584000506048668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061032401280664
suicidewatch,SmashedRecord,2018/04/19,"My abusive mother just told me she was suicidal when she abused me as a child. I feel dirty. And I was doing so well. My mum’s had a history of throwing glass at me, emotional abuse and even ‘damning me to hell’ because she caught me cutting when I was younger. To put it bluntly, she’s catalysed this misery that’s been in me since I was 8.

Been suicidal until the past six months, where I’ve felt recovered (I’m 19 now). Not even the irrational out-of-nowhere suicidal thoughts have really made a peep. I’ve gotten along with my life and made the steady move to study for university. In my spare time, I write songs and play the piano. I just got noticed was given a small gig at a local bar. Life’s been good.

And then my mother finds one of my records I’d written when I was depressed. Yeah, it had some pretty incriminating signs that I was in a bad place. She starts to interrogate ‘concerned’ about my mental health and of course I deny deny deny. After all, I’d rather tell a stranger about my misery than the one who put me there.

But then when I let it slip that she’s not been the best mother and when I give the examples of how she threatened kill herself in front of me when I was little (with props!), she tells me how hard life was for her back then. I get that she had problems but knowing my abuser was suicidal at the time she abused me feels dirty and gross. I know how horrible it feels to be depressed but I just felt like she was justifying all the bruises and abuse.

I get that she wasn’t in a good place and have been trying to get over it but I hate her. When it comes to mates in need of solace, I take them up and show them mental illness is not something to be ashamed of and I help them through it but when it’s my mother (who mocked me when I used to be depressed), I feel so shit and dirty. What gives her the right to tell me things like that and try to help me when she put me there in the first place?

I deleted the record and I've been crying for a good three hours now. I just don't know.",3.2437142857142867,4.149259752380953,3.9176190476190484,91.91071428571428,72.90476190476191,7.028571428571429,24.0,7.1686216300943375,0.651014285714286,1576,42,360,15,30,500,188,420,0.24,0.6890000000000001,0.071,-0.9977,0,0,1,0,5,0,41.0,0,0,3,2,31,22,7,1,21,1,30,7,1,6,2,56,60,40,5,3,13,5,7,2,1,0,5,1,0,1,19,19,1,0,11,4,0,8,5,14,1,5,32,8,67,8,43,24,4,53,1,3,0,0,38,20,3,1,27,244,86,0,0.0,0.5348521942872192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057851629080388316,0.06281868840596604,0.04586300010668922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789552525030833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480891591037073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826429119429117,0.0,0.0,0.19440126104299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463006502105991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938497459056536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216577408675125,0.0,0.14447619052174854,0.0,0.06876409032877716,0.06399546989189944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792268439870968,0.14434592739310226,0.0,0.1893124716820894,0.06017288279957149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739643247273802,0.07427970308135486,0.0,0.0799720582950255,0.0,0.0,0.10085784214332606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409203478452198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323718344631112,0.0,0.1240427618700534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769336269595204,0.1594236542537311,0.07351275059990801,0.07540596233953814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237972566377116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163983185633806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005243850590197,0.07996366986627539,0.0,0.055786337337940785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565637242960754,0.0,0.0,0.1019633497731724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182101333171229,0.0,0.0,0.2358159609139537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654178082314914,0.0,0.07199042873957552,0.0,0.22689805388804096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819793243867413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425089871262883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722839131973122,0.06223576980798915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057920137370185226,0.0,0.0,0.05325223392461628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32918269088847113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056567902565176825,0.0,0.1972780213727124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998327312713451,0.0,0.0,0.05972876233631135,0.08774111343331095,0.0,0.0,0.0718909601138452,0.0,0.10216023836802343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497951089252937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764595289999435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SimonJPig11,2018/04/19,"Pretty much my whole life story (You are in for a long read...) My parents make me hate myself. I used to love them so much. They make me feel fat, stupid, worthless, and unworthy of love. I hate them but I hate myself more. For years and years if I got a good grade they would still say, “you could’ve done better”. I once got a ninety six and my mom and sister said, “Well, you should’ve gotten a 100”. I will never forget one shabbos night(Friday night), I was in my room in bed and my dad came to say goodnight. He sat down on my bed and made me massage him like he always does to me and my sibling and Mom. I start to, and I start talking about a superhero movie I think. We talk for like ten minutes and I am very happy. He actually showed interest in me for once (My brother is very sports heavy and so is my dad so they relate much better than me and my dad). So eventually, he says he has to go to the bathroom. He gets up and goes to his bathroom, and I wait. Ten minutes go by and I decide to go to his room. When I get near the door, I hear my entire family laughing and being happy and having a good time. He didn’t even end up saying good night. None of them did. That is how I always think of my family.

I am fortunate money wise (relatively wealthy, Religious Jewish, New York). My friends in school (9th grade) always say, “Hey, a lot of people have it much worse. There are starving people”. But that’s not how it works! Just cause someone has it worse than me, My feeling aren’t valid? I don’t deserve to be happy? I spend so much time just putting myself down and telling my self I will never find love. I hold a pillow a lot of nights just to feel happy and see what it would be like just to be with someone who actually cared for me. 

I used to think of killing myself, but I am smart enough to know that I actually have a chance of getting better. I would love so much just to run away. When I go to summer camp, I am so happy. On visiting day, that morning, before my parents came, I just lied down on my bed (top bunk) and just started crying. I don’t know why. 
My parents forced me to go to a high school I didn’t want to go to. I have two friends here and eight in the other school. It’s not like they even let me see the other school. They just forced me into this one. They have never let me make my own life decisions. I learned how to ride a bike in fifth grade. Once I was really good, I was able to buy my own with birthday money. But apparently it was $300. So was a game console I wanted then. I asked if I could get the console, and my parents took my money and bought a bike with it. I was hit by car while riding it a couple of months later. In my new school, my friends are barely in classes with me. I am a huge nerd, and I play a lot of video games. I am also bullied because of that. I am also overweight. And don’t like sports. I know, the total package. When I play the games, sometimes, people ask me why I play so much. And I tell them it is because I want to escape reality. When you get to play a video game, you don’t have to think about life problems. You just get to play for a little. 

I got a guinea pig in fifth grade. I loved him so much. His name was theo. I always watched him and played with him. The first night I got him, I just sat by his cage in my room and watched him for an hour. This was his because my mom hates all animals. He died about a month ago. The real problem was, I developed an allergy to him last year. When ever I touched him,  I would get itchy rashes all over and a terrible stuffed nose. Do you know what it’s like to have the one thing you love so much be taken away from you? And you have to watch him everyday, and you clean his cage (hopefully you don’t relate to this one if you are thinking about a human) and you get a terrible pain in your throat from it, but you do it because you love him? I was able to start a diet, but after a month and a half, puberty hit hard and I got super depressed. 

My sibling hate me. They are all cool and mean like my parents they also constantly judge me. But they are getting nicer now. One shabbos, my parents were out for the Friday night and Saturday lunch meals, so it was just me, my two sisters, my older sister’s serious boyfriend, and my brother. I was so happy. Most of the time. They were still mean sometimes. But I felt really good to be away from my parents.

My parents ask me a lot, “what is wrong you?”. I found the answer. It’s them. 
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suicidewatch,8289ajdasmads9,2018/04/19,"Pushing myself for nothing I have recently realized that my life is just not worth living. Things didn't get better after highschool and never will. Years of bullying. A relationship in highschool with a girl who took my heart and smashed it into pieces. Now I'm almost 22, about to graduate from uni, doing course work every day. What's the point? I have an ugly face my body will never compensate for. Losing my hairline since i was 17. Still depressed about a relationship years after it ended, knowing i will never date a girl like that again.

The only solutions i see are zombification through drugs or suicide. I thought about suicide a lot in highschool but clung to the hope things might get better after graduating. Now I realize, there is no hope. Things will never get better. I think i finally have the willpower to go through with it.",4.708165898617512,7.246402825806452,5.095599078341014,78.24911290322581,72.35483870967742,7.525345622119815,28.49078341013825,8.418075326091056,2.370658986175115,678,27,112,12,14,215,99,155,0.162,0.7709999999999999,0.067,-0.9046,1,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,5,10,8,0,0,10,0,14,5,3,0,4,23,26,4,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,5,0,1,3,7,2,0,0,4,1,14,6,20,17,2,25,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,6,19,86,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906228832884492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419717577551807,0.0,0.1431650399104529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312182310320329,0.0,0.11101067926131464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494686675996781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114156135359201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859334059256387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119003815096426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020153144869289,0.0,0.07324977893912123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273239663440416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560288868847522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083324037491201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103710569610954,0.0629679586542811,0.0,0.11381008982378288,0.0,0.0,0.14419222796738568,0.0,0.10957560697924316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672934886283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39762417322059546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367110407854592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802480848505736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184041827353034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726093094123225,0.2767540408812895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027067099358982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661713371099793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292978367690192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28196417492771914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688153279458315,0.08258595364015492,0.0,0.1023223374604335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431988379231897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383168945311438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599874477271945
suicidewatch,clalexander,2018/04/19,"It Hurts Too Much and I Cannot Do This Anymore Since October, my life has been pretty messed up. Called the police, parents in and out of the house, jail sentences, etc. I won't go into detail, but since then I've spiraled into what I didn't realize was even abnormal at first. 
And then I was taken to a doctor. Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. 
It explained everything. 
I have therapy every two weeks or so because of the limited resources of a small town (there's only one therapist here). 
I'm also on antidepressants. 

But it still hurts. Sometimes, it hurts so much that I can't breathe. 
I've seen my father twice since october. 
Currently, my mother has been gone with him for 16 days. I'm only 14 years old, with my grandparents and siblings. My dad told me they'd return soon and I'd even get to see him. He's said that several times, but still nothing. Nothing...  
It hurts. 
I just want to see my parents. 
I just want to be happy again. 
I just want to be able to breathe and smile without pain. 

But I'm scared of death. Even if I so want to be put out of my misery. My situation could be so much worse, I know... But it hurts so much. 
And I'm scared of living too. 

I don't understand. How can emotional pain make me physically hurt? Why..?
What did I even do to deserve this?

I can't do this anymore. I've tried to hold on and things have only gotten worse. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, of living. I can't do this. I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry. ",0.4560603023469447,2.8491039804560288,2.5855374592833904,90.54610540382532,89.0,6.015167460118601,20.575377933684123,7.419758726546812,0.8445517247139396,1170,39,247,22,39,393,152,307,0.245,0.675,0.08,-0.9966,4,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,1,2,23,13,0,2,5,0,30,11,2,2,0,44,54,27,1,6,12,5,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,15,18,0,2,4,0,0,3,10,12,0,4,12,4,30,1,31,34,6,28,0,7,3,0,13,11,0,2,14,162,45,1,0.0807648337471842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458760836809246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061784876753524724,0.0,0.16019402583797532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049233493020198985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246992530562934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644841478527918,0.0,0.0,0.05208663625894362,0.0,0.06956263296057956,0.08197460616699748,0.0,0.0,0.18512699322264792,0.08266622963927706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908495673161518,0.0,0.0,0.0900741388477397,0.2133776439149077,0.0,0.06804785579071924,0.0,0.07258622482542611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869852632662042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219629218732117,0.0,0.045900516244848866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597566733985867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931917744501016,0.5187625496663029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044386240444576806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057046590575532324,0.0,0.0,0.14263365575822246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391115367545758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237485782900222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549920724400699,0.0,0.08474910691028742,0.0,0.054728341557418216,0.18427588640258166,0.17187895490235422,0.0,0.17935958000514435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216687140273847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119096531268485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682585185440223,0.0,0.16171937624019175,0.0,0.12871823167646088,0.0,0.0,0.09124127333837502,0.0,0.20042851522930188,0.09078305704571757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798784857274167,0.09040961906564332,0.0,0.0,0.12899780111738032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236162611496067,0.0937741969294981,0.0536565667947343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709462405157125,0.18565459081076904,0.0,0.07717425974634759,0.0,0.054834020571414316,0.0,0.07889550698166206,0.08407904025566201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905487659551068,0.0,0.06478467797231903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287770029054748,0.0,0.0,0.07785441763247225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461253104232507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200990495409773
suicidewatch,Violetcat17,2018/04/20,Question What's 6399mg of aspirin gonna feel like ,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727258,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,105.36363636363636,2.2,23.681818181818183,3.1291,-0.27267272727272696,42,2,9,0,2,13,11,11,0.0,0.737,0.263,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363681834939771,0.4752516174531047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325005416380158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7452273643424066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Feeling_Downandout,2018/04/20,"Delaying what seems inevitable Today was the closest I’ve ever come to taking my own life and I feel like my life has been just a slow march towards unavoidable suicide. I was diagnosed with severe OCD when I was 7 and at the age of 10 I told my mom I wanted to kill myself because of how messed up my mind is. Now I’m in college and have felt depression slowly take over my life. I’ve tried many medications but haven’t found one that works for me and I’ve been seeing a therapist but it’s not working, nothing is working which is why I told myself that if my current therapist doesn’t work out I need to end it. I’m fighting a losing battle and it just feels like the walls keep stacking up around me. I penned my suicide note this morning. I stopped by to play with my nephews one last time today and I had to hide my face as I was leaving because they told me how much they loved me. I don’t want to hurt them but I can’t live like this anymore. Two thirds of my life have been miserable and I keep slipping into even darker places. I don’t want to be a burden and apologize for this long manifesto, I just wanted to share my experiences before I find sweet relief",4.174524793388429,4.766243095041325,5.0831301652892575,85.55833161157025,70.5289256198347,7.868181818181819,27.9349173553719,7.8658589789855275,1.5734867768595031,927,31,194,11,16,303,139,242,0.172,0.705,0.123,-0.9294,1,1,0,0,2,3,11.0,0,0,3,5,10,17,3,1,7,0,20,8,1,2,1,41,42,16,3,6,8,2,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,10,14,0,4,6,1,0,1,6,9,0,4,13,5,37,8,26,28,2,28,0,4,1,1,12,12,0,2,18,128,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437871473022377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369391329438874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831761225166954,0.0,0.0895591367315959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066268367630276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065079903815423,0.10682550722436623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321936370697884,0.0,0.0,0.06951596386786615,0.09520373515569357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295370584397094,0.0,0.0,0.1064341013007076,0.15037979594236686,0.10105553361011012,0.0,0.09619566817609758,0.0,0.0,0.1154000827529999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126712183368376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871002726531734,0.11644241115429145,0.0,0.0,0.08579197251745076,0.0,0.11144348141071364,0.0,0.0,0.29736189088788395,0.15425801743926135,0.0,0.0929367845488476,0.09314204228126242,0.0,0.11774669578920663,0.0,0.0,0.09499132075649927,0.0,0.0,0.10670595422841612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060272825339472,0.0,0.0,0.10627147464493897,0.12326634256153217,0.0,0.0,0.07737011619552486,0.07804079090790507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098924245171904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263887610534892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996279122938793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386981670792858,0.09581472569037576,0.0,0.11890139837101164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799286660535385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302506202773859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826828097514478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444043739873244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137153122274287,0.0,0.19952746813812727,0.3017097547967592,0.0,0.07145715404547967,0.0,0.10281296788264004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483143198353825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497084112881476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064900667440177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Skeptical,2018/04/20,"I hate myself This is what I wake up every morning saying to myself. What I whisper to my self at least 10 times a day. I hate it and I hate life. I hate having to say that to myself. I'm Bipolar and being perfectly honest tablets help a lot, but tbf having someone to talk to makes a huge difference . I just want someone that talks to me to give a shit tbh",0.4867105263157896,2.5152550394736863,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,84.13157894736842,4.852631578947369,20.026315789473685,5.985473137389443,0.006294736842105575,277,8,60,2,8,94,49,76,0.18,0.6809999999999999,0.139,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,5,0,4,0,4,4,2,1,1,8,12,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,12,2,10,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,1,2,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146071138465352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566728831071294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972685732380095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704739374758742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7018003867518879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911408784446645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552058589738754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108119137715784,0.0,0.0,0.11862163062642225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826414514586977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538845182740785,0.0,0.18241495539182534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011432314015549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28567030488951306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362310427199904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104816924654949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMeaningOfBlah,2018/04/20,"I just can’t take it anymore. I’m autistic, and because of that, my mom thinks I can’t succeed in this world, and unfortunately, she’s right.

I’m currently in a 2-year community college but I feel like this will be my last (and only). I have just under a month left of classes before I hit summer vacation and one of the classes that I’m in involves making art out of wire, paper, fabric, etc. I feel like I’ve basically failed that class, and in return, have given up my dreams of becoming a professional critic / Internet personality.

My mom isn’t even my biological mom. I was “adopted”, in this case, the egg and sperm of a donor were put into my “mom’s” womb, and out came me prematurely. My “mom” likes to call me a 1-pound premie, but I think it’s better off it I was known as a 1-pound deathbed.

I do have some friends online that do care about me to an extent, but it usually stops with shit like “I’ll have you in my thoughts”, or “Talk to someone you trust”, or “Call *insert hotline number*”. None of these have really helped me. I have contacted a hotline in the past and that ended in nothing to help me. I’ve also talked to a psychologist for about 10 months (last contact was in August 2017), and that hasn’t helped either.

I just wish that my friends online knew much more about my situation, and how I’m just trying to get a better life. The problem is that mom has become very restrictive regarding what I can and can’t do, and it’s making me feel like she’s this darkness that has no light to save me from its grasp.

I had run away before, but ended up contacting mom after I ran out of money. She put $300 into my bank account so I could return home.

I did. Biggest mistake I have ever made.

Since then, she has threatened to fire me from my only job (a child care center in my home), kick me out of the house, and garnish money from my bank account; all of which have been unsuccessful because she’s “sorry” about it.

She’s been acting like that for almost 7 months now, and I’ve felt like I’ve been pushed to me breaking point.

So yeah, basically nobody that I know (IRL / online) cares about me, and my mom is like a demon that saps my creativity out of me.

I wish that I had never existed. I wish that people actually cared about me. I wish that I had been born to my biological mom. **I wish that I had a better life.**

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to cry until my breathing is shallow and then maybe do something with my car.",3.1155099015143506,4.4152931026156965,4.7534454092978935,84.27777586572066,73.70824949698189,7.243651381976067,24.547760245684643,7.7627490962704995,1.173751710261569,1900,57,395,25,38,642,226,497,0.086,0.7240000000000001,0.19,0.9959,2,0,1,0,0,1,74.0,0,3,0,5,19,24,1,0,18,1,41,6,3,4,3,69,74,31,0,9,12,9,5,8,2,2,2,0,2,2,30,26,1,2,11,2,6,9,8,4,0,1,20,6,68,20,60,49,8,62,1,1,0,1,34,28,1,5,32,263,98,11,0.0,0.0,0.058849989809186536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060387781734350235,0.0,0.0,0.048226713499537735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059807380886410036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665950397606687,0.0,0.0,0.0735239970161091,0.13320655281453658,0.10263198615174496,0.0,0.0,0.16000735872600008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231584064043995,0.0689740370389316,0.2459440828762436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814946090022358,0.0,0.0662433464552941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068264924629834,0.0,0.06725716894749635,0.03983156661276199,0.054550260222899216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914776281579031,0.12924792794380202,0.05790324976620174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318458434797812,0.0,0.03150741365840765,0.0,0.03427330880260277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212655899234699,0.0,0.12098373805430693,0.0,0.0,0.06958506624529046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984443324436636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033142619077062764,0.09831493308974182,0.0,0.0,0.06552268225509576,0.0,0.08519187037031574,0.2356998557957522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706302738866573,0.08050949178729068,0.0,0.060585516706387635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6356672820886728,0.144407102650728,0.0,0.04433187379717448,0.0,0.04651173107121385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786526596299488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040864929284149684,0.09173091250737016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575689331008741,0.0418086106491016,0.05265690266494323,0.0,0.0,0.05700869464189934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770472990781264,0.0,0.1212484413595388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038633589522710364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150102342019102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190327714870375,0.04988577440434881,0.0677865087959955,0.0,0.0,0.05109710679934217,0.04642653116097625,0.0,0.06750766759208766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504185446425087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534263229329168,0.0969434113488411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728334290862293,0.0,0.0478762546450852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040943838407117315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641857633781256,0.04975879370326346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34674481379687433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03883510860263704
suicidewatch,thomas1134dd111,2018/04/20,"It’s over I’m killing myself via fentanyl. I have had it. I’m done with this society and system. I’m finding it on the dark web and this is the best way to go out. One last ride...

This My second account as I’m just ashamed...",-1.656171428571426,0.28366424000000023,0.8837142857142872,101.44900000000004,96.6,3.6571428571428566,19.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-0.5495142857142854,172,6,43,1,7,58,37,50,0.087,0.83,0.083,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,1,6,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186184346137225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082107521943845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645851914658266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670270595718825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413211069724499,0.0,0.0,0.3251547945926915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27030334598923633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31662635789047244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotRealyMeHere,2018/04/20,"Why, Just a question I can't answer myself. I don't talk to those around me about Why, I want to be in an accident, be in a place where where there is a murderer, feel useless and unwanted.

I have thought about this for years and it has only gotten worse lately. What is making it get worse now? Being paid the amount for one job but doing one that is two steps above the job I am paid for. Being passed over for jobs I applied for within the company I work for. Either do not receive callbacks or even acknowledged for jobs I have applied for.

I fell like no one really needs or wants me. I have no friends and I do not care for my coworkers even though I act like I do. I continue to mess up as my self worth drops lower and lower as things keep being held over my head and then moved and I follow them like a horse with a carrot. 

When I am driving or alone all I think about is what if this or that happened. Would my family be able to be debt free and happy if it was accidental death or dismemberment? Since when did this become my norm, and why?

I do not know if I am writing this as a question or just getting it off my chest. ",3.5276694915254265,4.143061470338985,4.612500000000002,88.26459745762712,72.0084745762712,7.764406779661018,24.07203389830509,7.8658589789855275,0.98641186440678,881,22,196,11,16,289,129,236,0.17,0.725,0.105,-0.9078,7,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,15,10,1,0,10,0,28,2,2,1,1,44,46,25,2,8,16,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,10,0,2,8,0,5,8,7,3,0,4,7,1,29,8,28,31,3,27,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,11,10,150,43,5,0.12268253904450455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706211133219836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921346995832006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549322569708394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508302491848824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620613199846259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565417934479237,0.0,0.06203197793875144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094784225338588,0.0,0.12819312623137386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848776411174822,0.13059784408541902,0.0,0.0,0.12590767897303293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869739591013958,0.10904587762492683,0.0,0.0,0.0674231150332853,0.0,0.13839124771747074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798094749282048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189154745773497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039212358538593,0.0,0.0909675481966924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493985905168669,0.0933055992302822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281771416541208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748650418957938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859357597786064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279846442909928,0.0,0.0,0.10148426406399176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986075777519885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150482760101713,0.07861001731590836,0.12053497171795258,0.09739623222874498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984301417634248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472268024686286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33210572831819296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931434956638734,0.0,0.25004797669776485,0.08715015580321217,0.0,0.0,0.07900353283961939
suicidewatch,Boop-D-Boop,2018/04/20,"I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I'm so alone.  I know im not going to make it.  I wish I wouldn't cry everyday.  Im going to try to make it through the weekend.  Actually the way I feel now im just going to try to make it through the night.  I love my sons, and they are the only reason im still here.  Im tired of living my bum of a boy friend left me after screaming at me and pushing me down.  He's 64, lives with his mother Can't read, and he's yelling at me calling me a loser?  He uses women then when they wise up they he calls all his ex's crazy because we know all his secrets.  Un fortunetly. My self esteem has never been to good.  People used to joke about me being his girlfriend because im 15 years younger than he is.  Then I heard the truth once, he said to his old friend, she's with me so you know she doesn't have any self esteem.  Im feeling pretty low.  Id like to do it so when he hears about it he'll remember what he said and did to me the last time he saw me.  I want him to hurt like I hurt.  I treated him like a king amd he just threw me away.  I know it's not worth it,fuck him.  It hurts like hell now but I'm going to be ok.  FUCK YOU DAVID !",-0.5995866819747421,0.8990385820895526,1.8591044776119399,100.09284156142368,84.82089552238807,4.720091848450059,17.02411021814007,5.369823440869387,-0.8711807118254877,892,18,236,4,26,305,137,268,0.11,0.7709999999999999,0.119,-0.5038,0,1,0,0,1,0,27.0,1,2,3,2,15,21,2,0,9,1,12,5,2,6,4,37,42,13,0,4,7,3,2,4,3,2,1,6,0,4,8,8,0,0,9,3,1,7,7,8,0,0,7,9,40,13,30,31,2,32,1,5,1,2,45,8,2,0,20,125,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.08187990278706372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690104633952897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057058783304460715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883220868118843,0.0,0.0,0.10229632575493884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713542920992616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216652009007777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485053070296421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965073965865576,0.15513901694177085,0.0,0.0,0.2384278401786626,0.0703761573512904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456787179364948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694685036279815,0.0,0.6344282142145251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444961074334595,0.06839438027097262,0.0,0.0,0.09116383657482684,0.0,0.0,0.16396843348703966,0.0,0.14818061870071594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572821003667249,0.0,0.16802320737063825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471328254970317,0.0,0.0,0.0787398569977993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804496406925733,0.08935687918244628,0.0,0.0638140993993822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816967830768015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536230650778971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392845028290341,0.0,0.0,0.08626907951637633,0.0,0.0,0.0950488517277881,0.0,0.1596271539066768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175063980720448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396633992189563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700723570111325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892611419333375,0.09643730992074116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139329851839902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493524623761536,0.0,0.0,0.09897956370040643,0.06660047425258171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648746495169197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403254830492105
suicidewatch,ShamgarsMight,2018/04/20,Is it normal to own a gun and an exit bag just in case shit goes down you can kill yourself? I've made so many mistakes that I cannot go back on I kinda figure one day im going to have to end it for myself. I'd never hurt others I don't even want to hurt myself but I feel comfortable knowing I can kill myself whenever.,0.13244047619047805,1.8204687916666695,3.007539682539683,91.82000000000002,83.30555555555556,5.2253968253968255,17.23015873015873,6.18269132825596,-0.3057841269841273,251,5,57,2,7,89,55,72,0.214,0.679,0.107,-0.8006,0,0,0,1,0,3,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,1,12,12,3,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,1,1,9,1,8,11,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166864541439875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398044458002854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773689395802327,0.0,0.0,0.1474572473905542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288399622942248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537609340918571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779963275103243,0.0,0.24115277114071906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939952342736045,0.0,0.12269463131915875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124845598738015,0.0,0.2263446468297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721873483362679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874164618663086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512827764379143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22916715632966894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168107026531814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwit981203737,2018/04/20,"I wish there was another way but death is the only thing that will release me from this misery throwaway account 

I’ve reached the decision to take my life as I’ve really ran out of other options no matter how hard I tried to look for a way out. It’s too painful to keep going through each day in this body and holding on until I die of natural causes instead of resorting to suicide. I’m 26F and even though it may seem young to some, for me it’s unbearable. I used to find solace in the thought of being able to escape everything once I’ve started my career and distract myself from all my other issues by working but now I’ve realized it wouldn’t really change things either way. 

I can’t stand this body. 

I can’t stand the thought of being trapped with this appearance for years on end.

I know some might criticize me for putting so much value in my appearance but that’s just how I am. Maybe it’s a high sense of pride or perfectionism but when there’s so much flaws that cannot be changed I can’t wear them proudly. I refuse to exist in such a state. Ironically I’m more kinder to the appearance of others than I am to myself and don’t hold the same standards that i have for myself on anyone else. I can find beauty in everyone around me but for myself I can’t find anything worth accepting. Not one.

I wish this complex was more based on pleasing others but I don’t care what anyone thinks of my appearance. It’s only my opinion that matters and I’ve failed to meet even the most minimum requirements. I just want to be average and not stick out. I hate having attention on me and I hate people seeing me. I see myself as an abnormality. 

I’m content with my gender which is the one I was born with but I don’t feel or see myself fitting as a woman. 

My bone structure is by far one of the worst ones to have for a woman. Nothing fits with the other. It’s all a jumbled mess and appears as it has been through a randomizer. My face doesn’t help either because its feminine and clashes with my body type but at least I can achieve my desired results with plastic surgery. But there is no plastic surgery or procedure that can fix or change my bone structure. No weight gain or weight loss will hide it or complement it. 

First my neck is short. My shoulders are extremely wide and my small head makes them appear even wider. I could’ve ignored this but then my upper trapezius muscles are naturally big so they look extremely ugly. I’ve done all I could to find a way to get rid of it but there’s nothing. My ribcage is big and wide so my chest looks weird and bony and it’s nauseating. my hips are small and on top of that I have a huge hip dip so it’s a nightmare getting dressed trying to hide them. my wrists and ankles are extremely thin so my feet look huge yet my hands are very small and don’t match my masculine features. I’m extremely thin yet my stomach refuses to be flat which makes no sense at all. none of this can change through diet or exercise so that advice is useless for me. When I was younger I thought I was just fat but later I realized it’s my bones that were the problem. These features all show through clothing so I’ll always see them and am conscious they’re there and i just can’t handle it. 

 And being stuck like this eats at me so much. If I was able to hide it with clothing \(which I’ve tried\) then I could pretend these flaws don’t exist but not even a huge coat is able to hide this frame. I’m unable to leave my house and when I have before getting dressed to go out was the most painful thing. I don’t want people to see what I don’t want to see myself. But even if I was the only person in the world I’d still be uncomfortable. I feel exposed no matter what I do. My anxiety won’t let me forget this not even for a minute. Everyday I’m plagued with thoughts about my body and every night I cry because I can’t escape this situation. 

I feel so guilty being this way because many people have it worse and tried to fake my way to a higher self image but it just makes me feel hollow and hypocritical. The thoughts won’t stop 

And what doesn’t help is the fact that my personality attracts many people to me. As much as I like people I feel uncomfortable when they get too close to me. I don’t trust anyone either. If everyone who knew me knew what I thought of myself they would be heartbroken and would pity me. But I don’t want to be pitied and that is why I never expressed my true feelings or insecurities to anyone so everyone thinks I’m confident and happy and have high hopes for me. For the sake of everyone that loves me I’ve tried my best to hold off on the thought of ending my life. I’m only alive right now just to not trouble anyone around me. I wish I was a more selfish person who would put myself first because this would all be easier. 

I know it’s selfish to want to leave this world but this will be the only thing that will satisfy me. Going to therapy won’t work in my case because my anxiety won’t let me go in for a consultation and I’m unable to be vulnerable to anyone other than myself so I won’t be able to put my feelings into words anyways. and even if I did go to therapy there’s no point because my body will still be the same and I’m not interested in deluding myself that it’s acceptable because it isn’t. Also I’m gymnophobic to the point that I will refuse medical care because anyone else seeing this body is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. What has kept me alive this long was the hope I’d get a severe illness because I know I’ll die because I’ll refuse surgery or treatment at the hospital. My anxiety is my biggest factor for why I keep failing to off myself but my next attempt has to succeed because I can’t risk getting sent to the hospital surviving and having my body seen.  

maybe i would force myself through life if I could hide this disgusting frame with clothes because avoiding everything else wouldn’t affect me. I reject anyone who desires me anyways because relationships aren’t worth fixing my issues for and I don’t trust anyone enough to risk everything for companionship anyways. I’m completely fine having not experiencing intimacy or love so I don’t really have anything left to want to change for. I’m just exhausted by everything 

I’ve looked for all possible routes and looked for something worth continuing to live in this body for but there’s nothing I want to do and I can’t take it anymore. I want this life to end and one day i will overpower this anxiety and end it cleanly. And i can’t wait ",3.6993494704992433,5.0802379803328295,4.695149470499247,84.94695718608172,72.37367624810892,7.738832072617247,27.592163388804842,8.270571647300994,1.7754747715582455,5198,190,1055,81,100,1695,426,1322,0.162,0.703,0.135,-0.9924,2,2,1,0,0,3,68.0,0,0,7,17,59,49,3,5,42,0,120,40,24,9,11,226,220,102,4,32,51,0,13,2,0,21,11,0,1,6,86,56,5,15,34,3,4,16,47,28,0,7,28,28,152,21,142,150,30,117,0,7,14,2,30,58,0,33,36,723,238,10,0.14394192663799507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035164596197348574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02877757668190473,0.029942803477534606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773391515193083,0.1101151798916875,0.0,0.03568792821885003,0.2264569693240093,0.07374275705526846,0.05922597048803537,0.06406941608421805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851734029880497,0.0,0.03062099443627167,0.0,0.037764542873855236,0.0,0.0,0.3197740622205497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337919371698087,0.03696700232143959,0.1903393404558038,0.0,0.03773009286754507,0.0,0.0,0.14365739469908514,0.0,0.03952836185491845,0.04641531733151242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469449717541503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368256416300406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682213152301219,0.09018375711107927,0.0,0.12748982277392346,0.037182622079858035,0.0,0.16637649874256913,0.032550928368722185,0.030319320339225207,0.13754267939835427,0.12936572223322096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736738538850398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315603132192554,0.06121846463275565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128055735266318,0.0,0.1022568925642171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03182184258761653,0.0383072143738489,0.032235923297974534,0.07105642608295169,0.03693148599435585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824061962992798,0.07604127422660427,0.0,0.07148340584418504,0.0,0.0415224143318093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511898706173299,0.0,0.06397109906393847,0.0,0.0,0.05933003885523784,0.0,0.0,0.07620685836808196,0.0390983311151437,0.07359518617562615,0.1016704396529176,0.03516137728388418,0.0,0.03177583958992377,0.03184601887158782,0.18131244851298808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495660432940907,0.0,0.07206176531868,0.0729672605160933,0.07230450620889198,0.0,0.0,0.03625158690726415,0.0,0.0381749093022164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581387824927696,0.0,0.02775422189038068,0.0,0.03827096799126547,0.033769936814058106,0.0,0.10358712055828928,0.0,0.0,0.03832336352829512,0.1219234684203086,0.136842901849783,0.07658217930162113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247390099399944,0.09426340368102352,0.0,0.03950125262480048,0.06803582340763382,0.0405682236531101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03443324600268681,0.0,0.1085260449735706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915966303598639,0.0,0.0,0.038634940111739374,0.0,0.030731404715880643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073038878622845,0.03275983098263625,0.03754070551278908,0.040653351415112386,0.0,0.0,0.04044918911785412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027703381873049257,0.0,0.0,0.025470709134850857,0.0,0.057476104275234766,0.03008547399054548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039362276255475344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541132075189871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230506888692199,0.0,0.11953577508422095,0.046116087234684834,0.035355553022187625,0.1999791697423421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221588994887272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03107990218797971,0.0,0.02969179107360215,0.16980135547562325,0.17138160213007614,0.0,0.08764124423213328,0.0,0.0,0.06494260002815586,0.0,0.12414458391224993,0.0,0.0,0.05239571846626632,0.0,0.03667228013673577,0.1278152684849993,0.0,0.0,0.023173470358356433
suicidewatch,VisceralFerocity,2018/04/20,"Suicidal thoughts, but I won't act. Is this normal? I hate my life, have nothing to live for, no friends etc. I am constantly thinking of suicide and the perfect methods and how I could do it painlessly, the note I would leave, when I would do it etc. BUT I don't think I would ever do it (I have tried before half assed attempts when drunk), but when sober I wouldn't try it I'm pretty sure. Is this something to worry about or just normal?",2.093,3.9126493555555584,3.0886111111111134,92.95625000000004,77.66666666666667,5.833333333333334,24.583333333333336,6.6274283507984215,0.6916666666666669,342,12,74,3,8,109,57,90,0.208,0.614,0.17800000000000002,-0.504,0,0,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,1,0,2,0,15,3,1,1,3,21,20,10,2,7,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,11,3,5,13,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458337429919432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520341793680808,0.0,0.13683484787562866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822732096854436,0.0,0.15502513256886144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240956581042493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920457304013165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146914563150016,0.0,0.0,0.12105241060246533,0.0,0.0,0.15133374044250597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358365980347145,0.16444597130042696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743574463366858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319384933918506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749289129695417,0.0,0.16152582119544925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196297585166184,0.0,0.1360584292893853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327147093709705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404707887161375,0.0,0.36523527777938103,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cuttingties101,2018/04/20,"Is this lethal? Guys, I am going to take 10mg of melatonin / 30 g of paracetamol / half liter of vodka and smoking a cigarette before jumping approximately 100 meters on hard surface. Is that ok?",3.0874999999999986,5.901087194444448,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,79.83333333333334,6.933333333333335,28.44444444444445,8.07648339933343,2.4934111111111106,153,7,25,3,4,52,33,36,0.041,0.883,0.075,0.2869,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618016917232662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084315636763456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373629351526407,0.0,0.0,0.4861567753538524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40804636225725205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akirstein,2018/04/20,"I just want to be dead or hide away in my room forever I don't know which one . I want to kill myself but i'll go to hell . I'm supposed to go to college for art and creative writing as well as psychology. I'm not into pyschology but my mom told me to take it in case art and writing  didn't work out which seems to be the case now . I was excited but now I just rather be dead than go . I can't even draw or write for more than five minutes before I give up and start hitting myself repeatedly or hitting and throwing other stuff ... And last night I ended up in tears . I tried to draw again today . I started throwing all my sutff and bent my ruler . I'm surprised I didn't hit myself . I felt tears trying to come out but they didn't . I'll never be an artist or make comics or animation like I want to because I give up so easily . It makes me wonder whether or not I should just give up on college and just kill myself or hide away forever like I want to or just suck it up and go , hoping that everything will work out and that I'll get my motivation back . I can't talk to a therapist because of my social anxiety which is probably another reason I don't belong in college . I'm just a failure and me being born was a mistake .I'll always be a failure and a burden . I don't have anything else I want to go to college for . And yes I've done my research about it . Nothing else interests me . Maybe I really am better off dead and rotting in hell like the scum that I am .",2.3746972132904602,3.544709903536976,4.299119774919614,87.32023378885319,75.36655948553054,7.2412111468381575,25.49852625937835,7.793537801064563,1.2744629153269025,1144,39,251,16,24,391,146,311,0.196,0.669,0.135,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,1,4,15,16,5,0,8,1,23,0,0,4,2,61,57,29,5,9,22,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,18,0,0,6,4,0,8,11,7,1,2,8,1,38,9,41,38,2,41,2,0,0,0,11,20,3,11,16,169,50,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471693421291083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936226217837324,0.08708079269755938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367363270810422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138968993321363,0.08752940390377897,0.0,0.13878126249476094,0.0,0.09686222994217293,0.0,0.0,0.10067471915589256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980557655412322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648915500640282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018323820328614,0.0,0.10082092985676253,0.0,0.0,0.07518463802304058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230442025379254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092960996576708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059472265150389524,0.3275926671770985,0.32346534863004456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306037281609872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518753979965264,0.0,0.06255882031127814,0.09278787259956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683697611339404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196683214330334,0.0,0.1143590506316963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331808738966416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779387711287756,0.0,0.0,0.10682315989520223,0.0,0.10922440279164967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713517637746005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227296193585282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292337938987978,0.117037749705938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362793044200012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603688812977858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611410556992036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030984368014836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558712814701852,0.0914934549504521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216715533436554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789896041816432,0.10877088484563352,0.0,0.15456824482151718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357038659538518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023481970682626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234454156177073,0.165741388334963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elst_,2018/04/20,"I feel worthless It may seem little to others but it has been some time I’ve felt like this. At work I’m treated like everything I do is stupid and I just can’t get it right or flat out weird to them. My boyfriend acts as if im annoying him and just anything I say he cuts me off and changes subjects so I would stop talking. 

I went to a place where I’m a regular so I applied to the place, didn’t get the job but just thought I’d give it a try. The second I come in the girl whom helped me out with info about applying and gave her my resume. She saw me today and kept avoiding making eye contact and was talking loud enough for me to not hear but I did and it just kinda bummed me out that she was being cold to me and talking shit to her coworker. 

Today is the day that I have lost that safe wall between me and the thoughts I didn’t want to think of. I don’t know who to talk to or do because I’m starting to feel like if I was to do something to end it, it would make it all better. I try to hold on but I’m just losing it.. ",2.598797101449275,2.6956818652173915,4.036956521739132,93.4299275362319,73.82608695652173,7.0028985507246375,25.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.5771246376811594,799,23,199,5,15,266,127,230,0.13699999999999998,0.7829999999999999,0.08,-0.9276,1,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,4,9,15,4,1,9,0,20,2,2,2,1,51,46,20,0,5,14,0,3,3,0,3,0,3,0,1,16,14,0,5,9,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,15,9,29,6,27,27,3,23,0,3,2,0,20,13,1,8,10,131,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097102499031963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220402317738784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926490360585128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265465998993795,0.11616234466136592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696785037181314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943811298047488,0.1393373092928244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119553868461835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636960938811382,0.09633770465438456,0.12947827318974608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409083438196545,0.12936153253582586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519870722118499,0.0,0.09038789845719286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566240699206204,0.0,0.1338189809343385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411067780151495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764441401862126,0.13515630162555675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508639685522334,0.14720598466618934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002840970226666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817815475288585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516216459137818,0.0,0.10723906498617072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122763442884813,0.0,0.0,0.13842279081680972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381502090443824,0.0,0.0,0.09544835404582183,0.0,0.0,0.11274161853455456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335530578768257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640718635433423,0.0,0.21411353605429326,0.07863280319105996,0.0,0.25564628779380555,0.0,0.0,0.1831101886722758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953871547652452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500838802200356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817325972700436,0.0,0.0,0.19158880790052912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,existencitis,2018/04/20,"Is there a reason for a nihilist to choose to persist through life? I feel like no matter what I accomplish with life, or what meaning I choose to assign to it, it is ultimately inconsequential.  I feel like no matter what I do, my life will be devoid of meaning, even if I can convince myself that there is some.  My life feels like an illusion, and the only reason not to end it is a small sense of uncertainty that I'm going insane.
I started feeling this a few months ago, during a bad spout of depression.  I've been a nihilist for a while, but this revelation only came about during this real sense of emptyness.  I can't escape it, for I feel that ultimately, nothing matters.  The experiences of nobody matter, but it is only I who can make the decision to escape the absurdity of my own existence.  All decays to dust, and persuing happiness is just a selfish way of passing the short and, ultimately damned to be, inconsequential, purposeless existence.  I feel that my life is a cruel joke, and suffering in order to attempt to claw at happiness only to have everything crumble to nothing is pointless.  I have a bright future ahead of me, but I have no motivation to persue it.  The only reason I choose to suffer through life is that little niggle in my head.
'What if?'
It is therefore that I desperately, and somewhat hopefully, request from my fellow redditors an answer to my question, so that I can continue to move through life without the constant desire to simply  escape from it.",7.862637889688251,7.602702050359718,8.701309352517985,65.68841486810554,62.669064748201436,11.298225419664268,37.23836930455636,10.793553405168565,4.247190599520384,1182,52,194,27,15,402,135,278,0.173,0.7090000000000001,0.118,-0.956,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,5,6,17,2,0,19,0,22,8,1,6,1,46,36,13,0,4,9,0,6,3,1,1,7,0,0,0,23,7,0,0,18,1,0,4,6,8,0,0,2,7,25,9,40,31,5,22,0,3,1,0,4,6,1,7,13,155,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084911350126884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557290262498299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172185628074792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075273479260617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827245842245131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077363348477777,0.0,0.0,0.0676921229082614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210928684335623,0.10025258260243404,0.0,0.0,0.31092499618817404,0.2196515820998808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582460904561873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820000760755995,0.0,0.0,0.10518189140931353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017933563818693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067303818563695,0.15021085942117055,0.10271954471452484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841129883654656,0.0,0.0,0.22327818127560714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180466041328999,0.10892814715872357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966793188812853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897323612891974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148096177481437,0.0,0.0,0.11665337735883627,0.0,0.31612310491830004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254128259960965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134992215745462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879443245572787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,11thdocdefiesAmy,2018/04/20,Just not worth it I'm not worth the life that was wasted on me. I can't keep a job. Can't do anything right.I dont belong any where. I can't even kill myself properly.I'm so tired of putting the mask on so no one knows what I really feel. No one needs me. I'm just another face in a sea of people. I'm done and I don't want to be alive anymore.,-2.6457407407407416,-0.947555172839504,0.5906481481481478,102.85041666666667,100.7283950617284,4.181481481481482,12.922839506172838,5.985473137389443,-1.1357827160493827,265,5,72,3,12,93,54,81,0.213,0.7070000000000001,0.08,-0.8177,1,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,4,0,9,3,1,0,0,10,17,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,9,1,0,2,2,1,7,0,6,14,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658053371951486,0.2556655672601664,0.0,0.0,0.24180301396436235,0.0,0.0,0.2006423303862047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495115738495577,0.2857541491348411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104020465602176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328225419146326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419528177460284,0.21671760357474126,0.2697496902807935,0.0,0.13399659146965853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221662874627267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078876045242134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33043624114271264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903345230609254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451055214648237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561967477658946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082201644794164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802341684063125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381081215143598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meggylouise93,2018/04/20,"Another statistic I’ve been in a really tough spot where someone I love fell out of love with me and moved on to someone else who is more “normal.” I have pretty severe depression and I’ve been feeling really low and I made a couple half hearted attempts to take my life. Well now I have a little more energy and I think maybe I am going to do it. There’s a lot of things in my life that have gone wrong. I got told at 23 I wasn’t going to be able to have kids, I’ve always wanted to be able to get pregnant and have kids and that ripped a big hole in my heart. Well I rushed into marriage thinking that if I did things the “right way” maybe I could have a kid before it was too late. That didn’t work. Obviously. Then I got divorced less than a year later. Also I cheated on my ex and left him for the guy that’s leaving me now.... I know it’s gonna hurt my family and friends, but everything I had dreamed of in life is gone. I’m 25 with no significant other, severe depression (been hospitalized twice), and no chance of having kids (not enough money for ivf or adoption, plus I don’t have my own house or anything). I just don’t see a point in all this. I know that statistically speaking people who are so depressed they can’t get out of bed likely won’t actually kill themselves, it’s when they start to get better and have the energy, well, I have the energy and I have a plan. I can’t take this life anymore, I don’t want to be hospitalized again, I just want this all to be over. I just needed to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet first. Thanks you guys. Peace and love. ",2.27319458431241,3.724148945619337,3.8430748573346776,89.3447219424863,76.16012084592145,6.958084368356272,21.926932975271335,7.662118739084242,0.7056847040393874,1235,32,275,17,27,411,171,331,0.119,0.735,0.146,0.6283,1,0,0,0,1,1,35.0,0,1,2,5,15,19,2,0,15,0,35,9,2,1,3,42,65,21,1,7,8,1,1,1,1,2,4,1,1,6,18,18,0,0,5,1,1,7,11,9,3,3,14,3,36,10,36,44,9,38,0,5,1,3,22,20,0,4,11,187,54,1,0.19194283155735745,0.0,0.09365425775682876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674830652469186,0.07985590603768418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063439734583726,0.0,0.0,0.09517785616374608,0.0,0.0,0.07897629789127253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816646061988814,0.0,0.0,0.08487891822186261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662536623409859,0.10619054615360612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479801193456485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017180309998863,0.0,0.0,0.09916412727591206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625292022926365,0.0,0.09047330955886453,0.0,0.048526031436096274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163323723432364,0.0,0.0,0.07414727776321704,0.0,0.15042331101074788,0.0,0.10908553449833526,0.0,0.15351421670777815,0.0,0.0,0.19005358045077306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274531795641703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073812843966097,0.10273938551910901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617815221089164,0.0,0.10548676048521924,0.0,0.10825993721898307,0.10161987213112024,0.10427322405210714,0.0,0.2711497967057398,0.04688678604600398,0.09618857120580612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159146572472684,0.2598538491434912,0.09081047410154088,0.0,0.0,0.1928323731694156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200242678657276,0.0,0.07116158875049647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403161080214534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653449577275262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072400861383573,0.0,0.0,0.09763743219369117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296349287274234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819590646960847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647679291451898,0.0,0.0,0.21684076530495056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263253830051758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792906205031493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431712175101036,0.0,0.08388324750194599,0.08835758548265142,0.0,0.0,0.12751828839846835,0.12298921615010565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917048005411971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698192826797213,0.07617764274341299,0.0,0.0,0.2588694854661635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986833370092342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049296773087369,0.0,0.06180244521500421
suicidewatch,unhappy_hell,2018/04/20,"Goodbye This is my last night.
I'm going to have the most fun I've ever had 
In the end, I'll have to say bye
",-3.5761111111111106,-2.1090072222222207,0.15361111111111114,105.98375,102.70370370370372,2.7,10.453703703703702,3.1291,-2.172696296296297,83,1,24,0,4,30,22,27,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.5563,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372475797338765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465553198721903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805656345705185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024092297150301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632784897943406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925884330221491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smnfoot,2018/04/20,"Suicidal thoughts - is it a battle of finding out the nature or starting from the top? I personally get these thoughts an awful lot and quite frankly dont like talking about it. The anonymity of the internet makes me more comfortable however. I am currently tackling my severe suicidal thoughts and I started strong but I am beginning to get more and more clueless as to how I should fight them?

My analogy is that I see the thoughts as sort of a tree that has just completely blossomed out of control. Do I start by removing the leaves and the stalks (i.e. thwarting suicidal thoughts as they come into my head) or do I try and rip out the entire thing from the roots instead of chopping it down bit by bit (i.e. finding the nature of where the thoughts come from). Overall I live a fairly happy life, but my nature to overthink and doubt everyone (even my partner sometimes) is really frightening. Ever since I got very severely bullied 5 or so years ago I have only trusted properly just 2 people, and I struggle to let people in and will often lie about how i'm feeling. I am very scared that my inability to trust people will be a rift for me in later life, but that is a different subject.

I've vowed to never attempt it and find away to bring myself through tough times. However, like ibuprofen is just a short term solution to the pain of a broken arm, these ways of pulling me through arent going to solve the break in my head. And the pain and mental trauma I go through each and every time I get the thoughts is getting harder and harder to handle.

So how do I go about tackling this? Do I start picking off the thoughts one by one or do I go straight for the roots and find the nature of my issues? Any help will be really, really appreciated thank you :)",6.4322434017595285,6.604022392961878,6.596743401759532,78.13511510263933,65.53958944281524,9.635249266862171,35.23181818181819,9.3871,3.1929740762463337,1400,62,261,24,20,449,174,341,0.206,0.685,0.109,-0.9904,6,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,1,2,5,16,17,2,3,26,1,25,8,3,8,2,59,55,29,3,1,10,0,1,2,1,4,5,0,0,2,12,21,0,1,13,0,0,9,3,9,0,2,9,2,33,8,46,39,8,39,0,0,1,0,8,14,0,8,16,184,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239609081470069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055538832874398314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673225066335994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783263633278261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070404206868375,0.085630107671737,0.0,0.0916005625210597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532843158697379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957173767771222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394268461890858,0.07387576571342902,0.06881103299416994,0.07803979231966973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412951273327232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985819257281166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067814526666678,0.0,0.1856612174518803,0.0,0.06531946811557501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693991035093956,0.0,0.0,0.16763526839310985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054742105559662496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524292496270428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647741088648242,0.0,0.08351375834753462,0.11537277055049346,0.07980029450962425,0.0,0.07211666758937553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069433453893776,0.0,0.0,0.054515783505725474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230479163665537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298942907884797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068427279195253,0.06211419866177651,0.17380662916350706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698604064854917,0.0713116489009378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868667740932066,0.0,0.0,0.15696090155682385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176655388293755,0.0,0.06508092271180836,0.0,0.0,0.1845291434141937,0.0,0.06755879380354639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807743470098179,0.0,0.23122758519037656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853798810189567,0.0,0.2680032592917644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656437633386502,0.0,0.07519134854707979,0.0,0.0,0.05425834135643557,0.0,0.0,0.5186988963124406,0.09524560889698673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055449000631952204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477365536973307,0.0,0.06482634915526901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259321170716693
suicidewatch,the-anxious-kid3,2018/04/20,"Background check for my job Im in the US. I have a job and have a clearance for it. I had a lower level clearance before the one I have now.  Tbh I have no idea what level I'm at right now, its still a lower level one though. I got called for an interview, which is routine. The only problem is that I have no idea what my criminal record looks like. I had a few misdemeanors in college that my lawyer told me were sealed and inaccessible. However, this lawyer is now disbarred and inaccessible. I put in my paperwork exactly what he told me, but I'm afraid it will be considered a lie. I did a background check on myself on as many websites as I could and nothing came up. Except, BeenVerified.com has my college misdemeanors on it. It did not show up the way my lawyer said it would or told me how to disclose it. I'm going to tell the truth as best as I can if the investigator asks, but I honestly have no idea how that will go. Having to talk about my past makes me so overwhelmingly depressed and anxious that I will probably screw it up anyway. I feel like there is a chance my clearance could be revoked and I could lose my job. 

I already hate my job, way overworked, overstressed, underpaid, and terrible work environment. I despise having to have a clearance. It has made my paranoia so bad I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks when I started the job because of all this. The only reason why I'm still in it is because I can't afford my apartment without it. My plan is to quit as soon as the lease is up. I already looked into breaking the lease, but it would cost thousands and the property manager does not provide any exceptions, even if its a medical emergency, which I find to be pretty disgusting.

If I get grilled in this interview, if I lose my job, if my paranoia gets any worse, I don't know what the hell I will do. I am already feeling so low in my day to day that if anything gets worse I will definitely become suicidal again. I already still consider it a lot. My thought was always that if my past ruins my present then I will just give up and kill myself. Because if society cant forgive me, value me, or show me any kind of compassion, why should I do so for myself? I fucking hate my life, I hate my job, I hate where I live, I hate having barely any friends and the ones I do have suck, and I can never make any new ones. I have just had enough. and Im seriously worried that this fucking background check interview will set me off the edge. ",4.348231785756052,5.1458759065606365,5.498592562273419,81.990342357619,70.25248508946322,8.541901531984564,30.69869021167115,8.757208317658263,2.3369860133317744,1963,80,399,33,34,653,218,503,0.234,0.7,0.066,-0.9984,11,0,0,0,0,1,54.0,1,0,0,6,23,32,13,2,27,0,55,5,0,6,4,62,91,40,2,15,20,0,2,2,1,10,2,1,1,0,31,15,0,0,10,2,5,4,10,24,0,5,16,5,73,8,44,59,5,53,1,6,2,3,16,26,5,11,21,294,104,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886935290188985,0.0,0.05442019255208285,0.0,0.0,0.2223800131313124,0.0,0.0,0.0738863083931934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382075730585932,0.0,0.061142591129024634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054608429156222035,0.11960643189647124,0.07223202008402234,0.055652785304770254,0.0,0.06863598114246465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678335484970202,0.07480313728422701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665593410958342,0.0,0.0,0.08435851734598203,0.0,0.05633115325458959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057234245545333615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757835667242634,0.0,0.04319779258242502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613902729485249,0.04672362197302842,0.0,0.0,0.05977678061254221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052987729151637,0.12092727754323772,0.13668061146141106,0.06274012200871401,0.07433959598736323,0.0,0.05230842430600601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228575768129329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149468324394933,0.14129203647512412,0.0,0.4543138380031099,0.0,0.07235827348091603,0.06810673103566095,0.035943551968417135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619578212606178,0.06390480182061294,0.0,0.05775168348164737,0.0,0.10984340380340407,0.14633753339408814,0.0,0.05560294154387218,0.0,0.06188551018405181,0.08731347076942586,0.06630795894350804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658862267620345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044250784803634,0.06316622709078806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275554715428706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727394518764142,0.09948323073540244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124868341507124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653794470460557,0.07051505174694023,0.06258144395414979,0.0,0.06574766530917138,0.0,0.06956370295792359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724475330401307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585345284348479,0.062212838280247165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629228844909775,0.0,0.15669177390897762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153981606025693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052568122870896544,0.057164744693970634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425771069487196,0.051922349374004285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874849269525748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867126061933816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382706031295903,0.05246201111271927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803132599179507,0.0,0.0,0.06304576098617354,0.0,0.04761386304355676,0.06641950288486707,0.13330164945058806,0.09292024412167754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Datnotguy17,2018/04/20,"Tired of it I don’t know jack so typically I just play PS4 with my friends but they always make fun of me, I’m usually quiet around them but if I do anything or prove my point “shut the fuck up nobody cares kill yourself”, “Nobody asked”, “could you just end it already?”. I was about to kill myself one time and that just mad everyone hate me even more, “You can’t just use that as an excuse for being bad”, “I wish you actually did it”. You might think “why don’t you just get new friends?” Well that’s because I’ve never been able to make friends other than these people, I can’t even say jack around these fuckers, if they say “shut up nigger”, it’s completely fine because they are talking about me but if I say “Why do you do this to me?” They will 99% of the time get backup and just just say “wow you fucking loser just because you don’t have friends doesn’t mean you have to cry on us”. I’m tired of it, I’ve got the knife in hand. What should I do?

Edit: btw I’ve never even done anything to them, they just have a hatred for me because they are >5 feet while I’m shorter than 5",1.832036313491152,3.2610161659388663,2.9716616869685133,95.22428637094923,77.29694323144105,5.694415076993796,21.222937255803267,6.05967700443912,-0.04669956331877767,838,21,196,5,19,269,121,229,0.225,0.62,0.154,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,9,8,1,18,19,7,0,5,0,24,7,2,3,3,34,42,12,2,6,16,0,1,0,4,3,2,5,0,0,13,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,9,1,1,5,6,34,10,23,32,1,17,0,1,0,3,29,9,4,5,8,127,47,1,0.10869702429975996,0.0,0.1060726159823059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994986923752005,0.0,0.09044463175446768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889677882401078,0.1935267934683713,0.10161704470056973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907574750125614,0.2650427884953187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082386055052404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396676193086895,0.0,0.0,0.08678572914599228,0.0,0.1193985771742376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123479465942293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627330054349388,0.0,0.0,0.2153800782118202,0.0,0.0,0.10386466482706272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359162053574705,0.20097729488922653,0.1135794177847838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869349399946599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731580788156496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24051430516741296,0.0,0.05973704188238189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511221553263234,0.0,0.0,0.11840292508702956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531036553373025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766769219793504,0.10498026340273853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736559167666169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535683041772813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275382194643602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34576094600907303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873665507620457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964866417781064,0.0,0.0,0.12676421797500875,0.24986247890869603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074913672100674,0.09387932931750144,0.11971441566626236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773167883331788,0.0,0.19616431537985904,0.0,0.12499621358299913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toogoodforn7,2018/04/20,"When you look at the world today, how does it make you feel? With the news getting worse and worse every day it's beginning to contribute to my hopelessness. Every time I scroll on social media I see more and more posts that just make me lose faith in humanity. I wonder what is so great about the world we live in...I feel like I missed that day at school or something. 
That mixed with my personal life and past have just begun to send me back into an old frame of mind. I'm worried about how I'm losing my self control and I'm starting to become numb again. Sometimes I wonder if my emotions skyrocket up and down because maybe I have no feelings. 
I just needed a vent. Things just don't look good for the near future. ",2.6296127320954885,4.619889648275862,3.4082758620689653,90.49315649867377,76.65517241379311,6.116710875331565,21.498673740053054,7.010146845296331,0.493785145888594,569,15,117,6,13,180,97,145,0.174,0.759,0.068,-0.9255,0,0,1,1,0,1,13.0,1,2,0,3,12,9,0,0,6,0,4,2,0,5,0,28,22,11,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,6,16,4,18,22,2,25,1,4,3,0,8,10,0,4,14,71,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895858646467887,0.0,0.08637903101588393,0.15649656471430431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892864725192934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276961039829026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400266255104996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939347609892165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387767954428669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149433980902789,0.1012305390501762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403242402704469,0.0,0.0,0.1188512731764923,0.0,0.156224797680327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008693095679164,0.06922748347644878,0.0,0.12512373405634314,0.0,0.2379846961467069,0.3170522053557428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917175807631187,0.0,0.14235673899904522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307664931381187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506878642842477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869035864200794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526872476158286,0.0,0.12372701194411252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570947170838082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340800854570246,0.11291658832463045,0.0,0.14782404850631312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444453491569465,0.0,0.1090876159585072,0.14014496581259392,0.0,0.10029601977932172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941392122120339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262643460952683,0.0,0.1343150722367018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30733530428326106,0.0,0.14390327197581398,0.28880889923196196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Baker4570,2018/04/20,"My parents I've been depressed for over a year or so now. I've been suicidal but not this bad until recently.

My parents insist on bullying me and penalizing me cause I couldn't take the pain from orthodontics. It pushed me over the edge, hence why I'm here.

I just want it all to end.",2.43186440677966,4.114959983050852,4.0120000000000005,87.31562711864406,76.28813559322035,8.109830508474579,25.359322033898305,8.841846274778883,1.7806718644067805,225,8,49,5,5,75,46,59,0.156,0.7,0.14400000000000002,-0.197,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,9,6,5,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,7,3,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259424817063261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27798416627519107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330702560095741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396742355805443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879410275086285,0.0,0.6009459597835842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671881475895625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959961279096202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346003100064491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596088581373586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441774202786788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742596757307126
suicidewatch,Jahnner41,2018/04/20,"Here's hoping to there being an afterlife or a life after this one Bye Bye, Friends, It's been great",0.012857142857143344,2.3718740952380983,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,93.76190476190477,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.19507619047619013,80,2,17,1,3,26,19,21,0.0,0.6,0.4,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985959837528853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5688000132337971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124217198328935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644072419875646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495985264726066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Use_You_Up,2018/04/20,"I think i need to talk to someone I'm a 20 year old guy and ideally I'd like to talk to someone ideally the same age.

I don't mind talking via reddit, email, whatsapp etc. If you're from the UK as well I'd love to have a phone call if you're up for it. 

I'm really lonely. No friends. No job and not in education anymore. I haven't left the house in 2 weeks. I live off benefits i get for my mental health difficulties. I hate it. I feel incredibly isolated. Lots of shitty things have happened in the past and recently. Equally i miss just having a normal conversation.",1.1413585434173648,3.2032828487394984,3.746407563025212,85.8653816526611,81.85714285714286,7.328011204481792,24.202380952380953,8.344100000000001,1.6239910364145658,445,17,96,10,12,156,80,119,0.172,0.665,0.163,-0.0204,1,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,1,0,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,16,15,6,0,6,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,10,7,15,15,4,12,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,3,7,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352924871780884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867013585855138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514457622734305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847316085661172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351860813358262,0.0,0.09141777720661017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325382374138062,0.15473076506942735,0.0,0.0,0.1727526484464618,0.0,0.18599138525162365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018988975701494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173636754977807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011201723240967,0.0,0.0,0.08548447175946014,0.0,0.15450707974985828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875840158280187,0.1579227390200341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763347285763055,0.0,0.17667595546594825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974254234298466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714394023558289,0.0,0.0,0.18360795634815927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670344623425981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209415402893014,0.0,0.17276776458416662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965133207014685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219174228208461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624632911198025,0.11211760350118832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035525280240108,0.0,0.15732450501800638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126788553487956
suicidewatch,TheCoolMarkimoo,2018/04/20,"Does it ever get any better? I just want to do. I can't feel any better. I know I'm young, but I've been feeling suicidal ever since I've been 7 1/2 and I'm fucking sick of it. Even when my surroundings have got better, I don't feel any better than I did when my life around me was shit. I know I'm depressed from feeling trapped and imprisoned from not being who I want to be, but even when I'm around super supportive people who completely accept me, I still just want to die.

I'm sick of having to hide I'm an atheist. I'm sick I can't be a guy. I'm sick of not being allowed to be bisexual around my family. I'm sick of flashbacks from abuse. I'm sick of school. I'm sick of it taking me an hour to get out bed everyday. I'm sick of feeling like I want to cry in school everyday. I'm sick of pretending I'm perfectly okay and happy to my family and friends. Finally, I'm sick of living for no damn reason. I just want to fucking give up. ""Oh if you ever need someone to talk to you can always come to me."" Bull crap >.>

I'm sorry. I'm just very frustrated. If you're reading this, you don't have to respond. Thanks for just reading this even if I don't know who you are or that you read this. ",0.5567680608365038,2.26801285931559,3.0496821292775667,91.93514676806086,82.0038022813688,6.3372775665399255,21.16638783269962,7.404127859558343,0.5967576882129282,934,28,217,14,25,324,114,263,0.308,0.514,0.17800000000000002,-0.9959,1,1,0,0,1,1,35.0,0,5,0,6,18,20,6,0,3,1,20,15,2,2,4,43,61,13,2,9,13,0,5,1,1,0,11,0,1,1,10,9,0,0,10,4,0,1,8,7,0,0,5,5,25,13,34,51,0,20,0,1,0,2,13,7,5,4,13,120,35,5,0.0,0.11735700549527432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241679893709697,0.0,0.0,0.20207038568264912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645241378646441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35040357484834644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532204278348861,0.10385111334266058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880080262871444,0.0,0.0,0.0853108582303356,0.0,0.10279734427727354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667854864555526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962630203330223,0.2687867875090877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867493823078764,0.0,0.25041104500127304,0.07076070806031401,0.0,0.1085034647871944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652510110223225,0.1831386228513095,0.10349814972295096,0.09501693725049504,0.0,0.0,0.07921862614908097,0.0,0.0,0.09807419704119977,0.0,0.10543962549326813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754342705783657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633044109223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996131966239896,0.04839039477601871,0.0,0.08746218384344223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344366425855071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686681853925291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972277594479917,0.0,0.0,0.10183898756564423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048598617426414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016724939110992,0.08193445206774211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839239943218368,0.0,0.0,0.11087737577642554,0.0,0.0,0.07910075175982939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834365627413478,0.11239976273233694,0.0,0.0,0.07447260820583944,0.07961192730078771,0.0,0.09119111808529952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172589373040379,0.2921086736246304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SweetElixir,2018/04/20,"What is even the point of breathing at this point? I'm literally just a waste of space at this point. I'm 22, can't drive, no job, high school drop out, just basically a waste of a human being. I'm taking away air that something worthy can breathe instead of me. My stupid fucking anxiety rules my life and I'm letting it, simply because I'm not strong enough to help myself. I'm losing my friends left and right. They're all getting tired of me. Constantly whining and complaining about my stupid worthless life. My boyfriend is about fed up with me and more or less just ignores me anymore to study. No matter there, college is more important anyway. My father hates my guts as always. My mother pretends to care but she really doesn't. Nobody cares anymore. They pretend but they really don't. they don't understand my fear and pain everyday waking up. Waking up to another day dragging my stupid life out. I can't deal with it anymore. Yet I'm too cowardly to take my own life. I think about it constantly. Knowing that if I just hang myself or slit my own throat, it'll all be over. I few moments of agonizing pain is nothing compared to a lifetime of pain ahead of me. But I'll never do it. I'll continue sitting here, suffering, alone. I just wish my heart would stop beating, my blood stop pumping, my body just shut down so I can finally be released from my pain.",2.3711550716941048,4.835606762081788,3.466079394583112,87.32389869888478,79.89219330855019,6.370738183749339,25.96402018056293,7.5804360353943165,1.5350317578332455,1085,44,209,17,28,349,151,269,0.264,0.6729999999999999,0.063,-0.9954,1,1,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,3,4,17,20,5,1,5,0,18,20,9,0,3,34,37,13,0,3,13,2,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,10,9,1,3,3,2,0,2,9,16,0,0,1,0,33,4,32,30,9,35,0,4,0,1,11,19,1,3,12,135,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987925759873628,0.0,0.0,0.0882769956707332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112466528729019,0.08116004623509683,0.0,0.3156440999824767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996768730598991,0.0,0.0,0.06467266392348534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784423228537858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163356136954871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292954016994678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842052665849772,0.10937613505668012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962133758894098,0.0,0.07007272797012573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938293152405813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162185381476562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819663722181216,0.09808029203444428,0.05542866158873208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474382972203528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257194636186677,0.07111119326918941,0.11209196294420733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052798834659758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830535749152349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152692068120476,0.1084861999693336,0.2997435082461803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868974728022412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182464703079413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017980809081401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515572308208702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30087353508414577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593043102989635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060193989833833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737071059418413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816747611327274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739523015658618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953587610682976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797943345922497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193708206353593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104454545045735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220004989934563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536467259099082,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daniel_Lloyd,2018/04/20,"Goodnight my love. Goodnight. 

The ebbs and flows have come to their peak and the darkness leaves me caged,
now the time draws near. 

Wise men may have not gone gently and wild men may have raged, 
but now, my love, my time is here. 

Goodnight.",2.21478260869565,4.758237000000001,1.080608695652174,103.701347826087,81.17391304347827,3.68,17.895652173913042,3.1291,-1.1234991304347828,186,4,41,0,5,51,31,46,0.094,0.718,0.188,0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,7,0,8,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383533461530538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415907331586264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7090156595896228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580773942648966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,potatosallad_235,2018/04/20,"Um, im not sure if this is the right place to post it, but I need help with a friend. His girlfriend recently broke up with him, and he’s been feeling shitty even before that, and he’s getting worse now. He says that he just want to cry and hurt himself, and I’m worried for him. What can I do?",3.2021875000000013,3.1132148437500007,4.109375000000004,94.098125,72.4375,7.025,25.375,5.985473137389443,0.4572312499999995,226,6,56,1,4,73,50,64,0.311,0.555,0.133,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,9,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,6,2,6,8,0,6,0,2,0,0,12,3,0,1,2,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380545706437915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889084190377241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371820044832867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329877305552319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320388675435228,0.0,0.13741390728442984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762926731170434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815618198001254,0.0,0.2841001454797054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502147425955996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747935459106063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189461250305656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25969449607871514,0.0,0.0,0.22461243357012006,0.0,0.20915920993492151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788748816756265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513241271223088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671033825123282,0.2680336340701292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,byebyebyeforever,2018/04/20,"Fuck you. You said you’d always be there for me. You lied. You said you’d always love me. You lied. 
You said we could always be friends. You lied.
You never gave a shit about me. The only thing you cared about is what *I* could do for *you*.

I am so angry. I want you to hurt as much as you hurt me. You’re a filthy fucking liar. You came in my life to “help” me, but you only made it worse. 
All you did was toy with my emotions and use me to make yourself to feel better. And once you felt well again, you left. 

Fuck you.
Fuck you.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking hate you. ",-2.44340402969247,-0.9690228130081292,-0.4571933545422393,107.86549310710501,110.46341463414636,2.139130434782609,10.225874867444324,3.1291,-2.2725507953340407,426,6,110,0,23,136,66,123,0.272,0.609,0.119,-0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,23,0,1,6,17,10,0,3,0,11,9,1,3,2,16,32,6,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,12,1,0,9,5,37,5,12,17,2,5,0,2,0,7,31,2,7,0,2,74,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870027988767876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168518232415928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149965578671988,0.1172236816541263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359480774256287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293303036506032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813432189544995,0.0,0.11039309485234593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882864692602528,0.6377498036642099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702609414745684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706466577034422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461641445777001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491961515757577,0.0,0.08120955442408094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037685469346008,0.1087912029206337,0.07674605483521851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451913785209188,0.0,0.08867505641951688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244358485276248,0.0,0.17488585470083925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280998812235277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801918499463487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638363375207982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993006430127076,0.0,0.0,0.06781465913718328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337545678493328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716835453003464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CMVMarxist,2018/04/20,"I have surgery in three days. Instead I want to die first. Life is not worth living, full stop.

I don't desire to get better.

This surgery in 3 days time is not going to make the suffering in my life worth any more time.

I need to find a final method that cannot fail. I'm not interested in recovery or anything of hope.

For me, and my story, violently and abruptly dying and wasting all my potential is the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. I want the sadness of wasting myself to ripple out forever. It is so beautiful nothing else matters but to achieve it. Help me find the right way",2.158045454545455,4.124455016666668,3.8078787878787885,87.19227272727277,78.0,6.696969696969697,26.74242424242424,7.686295010490155,1.5425833333333332,462,19,95,7,11,154,79,120,0.16699999999999998,0.718,0.116,-0.3486,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,4,2,7,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,1,1,20,15,6,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,5,4,0,2,0,0,12,3,17,15,3,19,0,3,0,0,1,8,0,2,9,61,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292078574578092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084847846248487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287015489538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521134937463084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057171582393237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328332535896378,0.0,0.17312121560574592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411894296530654,0.3572972470183514,0.16625978112047018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212076849807077,0.0,0.11108549472957202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101398260968858,0.0,0.0,0.1941377569773424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761210223830333,0.0,0.0,0.17259642713460485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047232727262126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493251242605198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875509520886819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669233834019764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634148896278366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795079619432804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305769702384113,0.15514854779601903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayaccountno54,2018/04/20,"I had an attempt I've been living with my parents the past few months and I've been suicidal through most of it. They've been understanding but increasingly frustrated by my inability to improve. I got into a small argument this morning and I tried to kill myself. Didn't actually hang myself but got extraordinarily close to jumping and had everything prepared. I got hung up more than anything else on making a call to 911 so my family wouldn't have to find my body. I don't want my parents to blame themselves or even alter the way they deal with me but I also think this was kinda a close call. I don't want to be using the threat of suicide for anything, but I'm worried that this may happen if just on accident. Would I be an asshole for telling my parents?",4.523172787477424,5.8747505165562925,5.705358217941001,78.60777844671887,70.32450331125828,8.404816375677303,30.945815773630343,8.841846274778883,2.5509947019867547,612,26,116,11,11,204,93,151,0.263,0.7,0.037000000000000005,-0.9906,3,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,3,0,8,0,15,1,1,2,0,27,26,11,3,5,7,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,10,0,18,0,20,11,4,13,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,5,2,82,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.14103536090216387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557643366780695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23786319901724426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053447663193024,0.0,0.0,0.2951519677692184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899872702150088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073192885413335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545727009883943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988957496182565,0.0,0.13624512297965718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320930527105694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467690654258987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780280701424326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989528266691222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276180498864931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647142902731533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153583198298873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814330749718047,0.0,0.13796527888891635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161733568424793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632104902053826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260565884704597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812285516430558,0.0,0.0,0.1504554180668819,0.0,0.12482302778085105,0.0,0.0,0.17048894799898362,0.11471706246275792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677195402088478,0.0,0.1026662742528861,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aguacactus,2018/04/20,"From suicidal to life of the party and back again. Help Throughout my day I'm the typical happy go lucky person. People would describe me as chipper, fun, and outgoing - no doubt about it. I do become socially anxious from time to time but overall, I suppose I'd be described as the ""funny, sweet person"". 

However, I'm constantly thinking about ways to kill myself. Sometimes more seriously than usual. I write suicide notes, plan ways to do it, and cry about it quite often. These moments usually pass and I'm back to my happy normal (??) self?

I've struggled with this for the entirety of my life and have seriously contemplated suicide on multiple occasions. I've seen a therapist since I was young but she doesn't believe I'm suicidal because when I'm strong enough to go see her, I'm ""normal"".

Does anyone else experience this?",3.8584632034632014,6.478498655844157,5.194519480519485,76.10654112554114,75.42857142857143,8.262510822510821,30.396536796536797,9.029198982220553,3.148339913419913,659,31,109,16,15,219,100,154,0.242,0.625,0.132,-0.9774,1,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,1,2,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,16,18,10,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,3,11,6,19,14,2,18,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,3,12,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370269470800665,0.0,0.08481112208825166,0.12427935848843882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653417974791592,0.0,0.07393929299546728,0.13395896220539055,0.0,0.13665605602732792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310750080499903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323503621504934,0.07822416861461189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614461740018996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132501981577208,0.0,0.0,0.12532844183027936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864815885813795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786759829852796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582380273247956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130036765778764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419310731171752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134614329420986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376834363062416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408952826218175,0.2118173283492187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901039517609708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665508642540974,0.0,0.12653540455060874,0.0,0.0,0.10033510254293644,0.0,0.0,0.1236432831850603,0.0,0.0,0.11996221267117085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680213240709226,0.0,0.5307008999415421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083091401498096,0.0,0.07771987333248276,0.0,0.0,0.14145424151936128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717495106297584,0.0,0.0,0.1925540118105744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616330718656479,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BingRain,2018/04/20,"I'm finally doing something I ordered a nitrogen tank, a regulator, and some vinyl tubing. I will probably wait a few days before doing anything once they get here but it's nice to know I'll have a painless way out once it gets here. All of it was about $150",3.2005555555555567,4.3292022037037015,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,73.25925925925927,8.362962962962964,28.314814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.1936814814814807,205,8,42,4,4,71,43,54,0.0,0.866,0.134,0.7579,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24444719973891396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527680435284589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157295782892053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254042345892193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103931865959368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325115191928302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.632698042556224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202706130838405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228683939371926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578481074125546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonnadieanyway28,2018/04/20,Can someone help me? Please explain to me why I still want to die. I have a good life. I have new friends and am moving on but I still want to die. ,-2.287272727272729,-0.5060445757575707,-0.143272727272727,107.84509090909091,100.8181818181818,2.64,15.690909090909093,3.1291,-1.5651163636363634,111,3,30,0,5,36,23,33,0.206,0.528,0.266,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,7,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,4,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5306732008892865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975236842732127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144370008473016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136472564890914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058150093616665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717280492485923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691977430757886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806398993531042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662142641572849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083437118367048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015919252189808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306950226204709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vspng,2018/04/20,"Feeling mildly suicidal It's crazy, fleeting glimpses keep coming and going. Nothing too serious I presume. But, I feel like I'm in quick sand. And damn, I don't know how to stop this.. . Huh.. . Tough times.. .I have only my final year exam left and I get my degree. ( Wait then y is he sad ) ( cause I'm a chronic failure and have taken 2-3 extra yrs to complete it.). What kills me the most each time I sit and try to study is ppl way..... Dumber than have finished their degrees. 

Have u guys ever had that feeling where u've just so repulsed by the act of reading that you have to stop it the moment you start? I hope things come around.. .tc :)",0.3824127906976749,2.7270328759689946,1.91561531007752,95.68877180232559,88.45736434108528,3.84515503875969,19.690406976744185,5.148860815047168,-0.3297406976744188,487,15,103,2,16,157,100,129,0.223,0.6890000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,1,0,8,7,2,0,4,1,9,1,0,2,1,25,24,9,2,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,4,5,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,2,4,13,2,9,22,3,22,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,2,13,60,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024336595170336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964552602156938,0.0,0.3294711447641649,0.20051058367686453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298673685615454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900887424865763,0.13662126883268985,0.0,0.20949311331557355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991454950488042,0.0,0.108685601623157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893567999361324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899436012435176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998212086027414,0.21157775694726974,0.0,0.10510002155041813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207781868446773,0.0,0.0,0.09342977642308664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349909781090296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454459718308198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129087663297356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536003670125318,0.0,0.0,0.3197689425900375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918456295728916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705077677145432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302614292865772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983881234428485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179671566678918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315172622777845
suicidewatch,dafter312,2018/04/20,"Life is too hard. I've always felt weak. And I've tried changing my life to better, but I just can't stand the stress for survival. Life is just too hard for me even on a basic level, I'm just weak. I don't want to live.",-0.5101999999999975,1.1143643800000014,1.5259999999999998,101.933,85.2,4.0,14.0,3.1291,-1.5618000000000003,169,2,44,0,5,56,34,50,0.199,0.7020000000000001,0.099,-0.4561,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,4,1,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181205309567416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318405191076263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773081554192153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731402446843624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516944143825816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696498583314309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554692873783059,0.0,0.0,0.23147341591279405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002791783595644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797507863660006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546162913624032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GradeAnxiety,2018/04/20,"Seriously considering suicide for the first time. I’m 16 and a junior in high school, I saw my grades today. I’m half way through quarter 4 and have a 0.3 GPA. If I don’t clean up right now (which seems like a really grim prospect) I won’t be able to go to college and this really pains me. 

I don’t think I’m dumb either, I got a 31 on my ACT. But I might have ADHD, my (rude) counselor said this directly to my face. 

I did pretty well in the first semester of my junior year and got a 3.0. But now it seems hopeless and I want to die. 

I’m genuinely considering suicide. ",0.6402185792349719,2.4949917377049218,3.1733606557377065,90.41911202185793,82.44262295081967,6.689617486338799,21.642076502732237,7.793537801064563,0.8481453551912566,440,14,102,8,12,153,77,122,0.219,0.6890000000000001,0.092,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,2,0,7,0,8,2,1,0,0,14,21,8,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,1,4,5,2,14,2,11,13,1,16,0,2,1,0,1,6,1,4,8,60,18,6,0.1819809523600235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870574047811686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888674974626482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095858102248468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034239689788942,0.0,0.2910935837573733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192272867615966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890670111014523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930530322425487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364056392220616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514005188347515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331633159408696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541073898842944,0.1731055589131529,0.0,0.0,0.18417443928770647,0.0,0.3313372486039743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39811525035619133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660604620350608,0.0,0.0,0.10611455677318228,0.0,0.17249666436305633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733708066583657,0.14444800946729128,0.0,0.0,0.16362273120544307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718976683996447
suicidewatch,Jabberwock-y,2018/04/20,"Don't know how long I can keep going It's just too much .. been crying my eyes out for the past 2 months, like... Non-stop
Had fights with my loved ones, people keep blocking me, the one I love too... Every single bad thing seems to be my fault, at least that's what they keep saying
That I'm at fault, crazy, a liar... I still don't know what I did wrong and even the ones who told me they're with me and they know I didn't do anything are ignoring me now... I don't know why and I don't know if I can keep going
It just hurts so much
Thought about ending it few times the past weeks... Tried it... Still here because tphe knife had a dull blade.. got frustrated and only cried
I can't even do that 
I feel like I can't do anything at all, everything I try to do is wrong or just doesn't work
Can't even accept kindness anymore because I have all the bad things in my mind that people keep telling about me... Maybe that's who I am and maybe I just... Shouldn't be here because I only hurt others and... I just don't know anymore

Always had my 'anchor' who kept me safe from those thoughts but.. not anymore 
It just feels like there's no one there
No one who understands ",1.307442031652556,2.940839878542512,2.165154582259845,99.536484173721,79.36437246963563,5.138682370261318,18.109863820390135,5.565023196281405,-0.6778404858299596,898,17,218,4,22,280,123,247,0.219,0.7190000000000001,0.062,-0.9885,0,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,0,2,1,22,21,3,0,7,0,28,3,1,1,2,46,53,11,0,2,10,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,20,9,0,9,13,0,0,2,14,13,0,5,11,4,30,8,13,39,7,17,0,3,1,2,12,5,0,3,13,142,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446926040755315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26627302502882705,0.0,0.0,0.14729797169702802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494536913808282,0.16367091157922942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661805379489355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926840266132132,0.0,0.0,0.17733717103848914,0.0,0.07540567680697642,0.0,0.08043476677146241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905054579145205,0.12787435724574092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172721691267453,0.0,0.07157949078229889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916182893404036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977483636697583,0.0,0.09319808789996097,0.2951135899359507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311721744695525,0.0,0.0,0.07920265295370367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155034670105128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982494877439778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036716952978692,0.0,0.07143621459529594,0.0,0.13158222241933062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30322980700174657,0.1361340757611089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087137336851255,0.1240928802297526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117216751186478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147534970076341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294596628854322,0.07482408915943864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782249392938552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891659736462988,0.0,0.0,0.14210236219962405,0.05218683174236291,0.0,0.0,0.08551889285311498,0.0,0.12152613437083765,0.0,0.0,0.09317026763132633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178966085645559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075775864923297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515539544640019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570338254749475,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scyvis,2018/04/20,"Want to end it all but cant I cant keep going like this, I have been trying to get help, I am in therapy and am supposed to get a medical evaluation to hopefully get better. That was a month ago, and today alone I have called the place 15 separate times and only gotten to a third party voice mail system. 

My life is collapsing around me and I dont know how to keep going. My so is going to leave me but is doing me the curteosy of giving me a place to sleep for now, but I feel like their patience is going to run out soon. 

I keep looking for a job but i cant find anything that will allow me to afford an apartment, I dont have any friends I can room with and nothing but my car to sleep in when I inevitably get kicked out of here. I hate my job and am only barely going to go in today because my boss seems to think a guy who literally takes an hour break at the end of every night is more responsible than me whos only missed 4 days in an a year.

I just cant see the point to this struggle anymore, but I'm too much of a pansy to kill myself. Every day on my way to work I pray that Ill be in an accident that will kill me. At night ive come to hoping that I dont wake up, even though sleeping next to me is someone I love more than I thought possible. ",4.425652173913043,3.3837082318840643,6.036724637681161,84.55465217391306,69.94202898550725,8.954202898550726,27.45797101449275,8.021203637495839,1.4461901449275365,976,25,228,11,15,338,147,276,0.158,0.7190000000000001,0.123,-0.9111,3,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,2,11,12,3,1,16,0,27,8,4,3,1,34,59,16,2,3,7,0,1,2,1,2,3,1,1,1,9,11,0,3,6,0,0,9,7,5,0,1,4,4,34,7,39,52,4,46,1,1,2,1,10,17,0,3,19,151,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198090275314296,0.0,0.0,0.09578485102403243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289184409905395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171862446761456,0.0,0.0,0.07610591055623317,0.08232978218365593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056376987018427076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179400061517393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944358326649423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966621028841935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928820955276308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251693649082138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382558139460704,0.0,0.0,0.061084375305637664,0.0,0.15584240918966474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467623566403284,0.06607011816155596,0.0,0.0,0.08452809931276149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145240078490905,0.0,0.1932749168046535,0.08871844903160651,0.315362487981092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915730490089027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130815355752056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198963482538876,0.0,0.0,0.18371365286556154,0.09107746273682184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835508934805902,0.24661033175611202,0.2046382312402926,0.0,0.050826426236181284,0.0,0.0,0.09792650587134624,0.0,0.0,0.06532371966788621,0.09036537899001088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766271494050468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346982714499074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316723754634344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381932141805814,0.0,0.06798589780199946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835708365241952,0.17357870336152975,0.0,0.0887402611503515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101324765369053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325081708940695,0.0,0.08742665165659179,0.10426107247639216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369724989126311,0.08419336132636278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776503977533915,0.0,0.07836083574386017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668366957554964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695359636560601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105762761832634,0.0,0.0,0.05925959138137533,0.09086441416831996,0.0734214432337105,0.053927780580261694,0.0,0.17532678926382478,0.0,0.0,0.06279011860187315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454907140257656,0.07340897230959655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673289746080025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059556240204687874
suicidewatch,hayleybts,2018/04/20,I do not care anymore. Anybody else? I do not care about anything. I am just so over this bullshit. I do not care if it is ruin my future. Self sabatoge me. I don't care man. It scares me sometimes. But I can't give a damn about life anymore. Same old shit everytime.,-1.472142857142856,0.33521035714286285,0.5011428571428596,101.44385714285715,106.14285714285714,2.954285714285714,19.88571428571429,4.935628992294339,-0.4847514285714283,204,8,47,1,10,66,38,56,0.384,0.581,0.035,-0.9715,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,7,12,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,9,4,3,12,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,2,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37098926654592856,0.0,0.0,0.1539189891963352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7628039680492147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562489408174895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942698403065174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211274693831682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626829932391068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726089335658366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951247872726064,0.0,0.1919951270713926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498855171282388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whylive2343243243256,2018/04/20,"Cant keep going like this EDIT: I don't know what I was thinking, none of you give a shit anyways. Goodbye Reddit.",0.036249999999999005,2.3052334583333334,2.2800000000000007,92.965,89.41666666666666,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.36865000000000014,89,3,18,0,3,30,23,24,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.6917,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773694405534644,0.2828130565519882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423139996626835,0.0,0.0,0.2734829443316118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311555761358725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108072617628396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31885947391929714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrotherB18,2018/04/20,"I've messed up. I won't be able to graduate. I've ruined my life and I really don't know what to do. I've really fucked up. I have. This is my last semester. All I had to do was pass all my classes. That was it. Then I would have my degree and I had a job lined up perfectly. I was all set for life.

Then my depression kicked me hard. Really hard. I couldn't get up and go to class. Homework became an exercise in futility. I just couldn't keep up, it's so overwelming. And of course I lie about it to my parents, telling them that ""oh it looks a little close going into finals, but I should be fine. Yeah, I'm doing okay"" Total bullshit. And now graduation is in two weeks with finals week approaching fast. Maybe I don't deserve it. I'm just that shitty. Maybe I don't deserve anything. Friends, family, happyness.

I've tried getting help. I've been going to therapy and taking meds for like two years. Everything I try just makes me feel worse and worse. I don't even know why I keep trying to improve when I know it won't help.

I'm done. Just done. With school. With life. I don't know that the hell I want to do. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until I die. I don't see any possible chance of me fixing this. I've dissapointed myself and everyone I love. I'm too much of a whimp to kill myself, but I sure as hell don't want to be alive. If killing yourself wasn't such a hassle or would hurt other people, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I just don't know what to do or where to do. I want to run away from it all. Run far away, where no one can find me. Just be alone with my sad, sorry, pathetic self.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Just to vent, I don't know. Maybe someone will get something out of my useless bitching. ",-0.5884691091136638,1.532132708556155,1.900570030720221,95.60952838775744,90.89839572192514,5.322016156559336,17.315735578564112,6.855684769269737,-0.058873182387074514,1339,35,316,20,47,456,175,374,0.231,0.66,0.109,-0.9956,2,1,1,0,0,2,57.0,0,0,1,1,18,20,6,0,8,2,43,6,0,1,7,57,74,20,3,10,13,1,3,1,1,6,4,0,1,1,18,16,0,2,9,2,0,7,16,12,0,3,9,5,43,8,43,53,6,40,2,5,2,2,8,19,4,3,13,198,61,7,0.09013994054497924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335779362089204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061298250600855975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417749064782928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937888273480542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901449204313367,0.0,0.0,0.07763739870804184,0.0,0.09355102702441932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448891019283406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907316119986505,0.0,0.0,0.08613257605301622,0.08101196630490827,0.0,0.0849759136965378,0.0,0.04557746234171197,0.0,0.0,0.19748779772307887,0.08238627263539944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964189446326059,0.08333292253818232,0.14128319563771688,0.0,0.15368581646237015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149536287920888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208378041578014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649667067199418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944998216989385,0.16024104167293532,0.19945297773947865,0.0,0.3467698777229461,0.07347608236175909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100551728498544,0.04403782180601011,0.09034390103812674,0.0,0.0,0.07569484773364289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135481564008931,0.0,0.06016911026188311,0.0,0.27167305772673594,0.0,0.1001251533504843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626322793504849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108115655327509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008973663243516,0.0,0.0,0.06249168509691296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161923918952206,0.08632914606111028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323786223461773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122643217326992,0.07182986215690416,0.0,0.09403561677897283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637527910859761,0.06939413007057407,0.0,0.10090428357447633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495582720126492,0.0,0.06777401723581045,0.0,0.07878628111501731,0.0,0.10308287778689837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835973080668334,0.0,0.17610724813362108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266748951503064,0.0,0.1446096462955712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267455194195315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372060057179335,0.1280656550438277,0.0,0.0,0.058047166356927464
suicidewatch,TheWorldOfJerry,2018/04/20,"I don’t want to keep going. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I’m done with everything and everybody, and I’m tired of being alive. I’m tired of feeling this black hole inside me. I don’t want to make people sad or hurt my mom or brother, but I don’t want to hurt anymore.. I feel so beyond repair and numb to everything. I hate this and I don’t want to do it anymore",0.19285714285714306,1.8208418571428595,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,82.80952380952381,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.35119523809523834,292,8,69,4,8,103,44,84,0.248,0.654,0.098,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,17,23,8,0,4,3,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,3,9,0,9,21,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534080239226249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233724802328646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32026855115686925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801836012058687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126227028920147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591320358375515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38148498693715455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837217818940033,0.0,0.0,0.0979215887909459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893473672421954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086791097851404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235257108191376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706446083998235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414494605766412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095772094332594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203743709219222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077730685011676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grabsp,2018/04/20,"Im a molester and i want to die Hi guys. Using throwaway for obvious reasons. Ive molested my sister, cousins and my dorm mate in the past and the guilt still haunt me to this day. I want to die. I feel worthless everyday. Every time i look at my sister i’ve reminded of my past and its killing me inside. I dont hv the courage to apologize since it happens a long time ago and i didnt know how to start. I have no friends, and the ones i have i shun away. I’ve been thinking about ending my life multiple times but hasnt have the courage to do so. My brother knows about my suicidal tendencies and advised me to migrate to have a new environment and fresh start. But i just dont know anymore. I regret my past actions but sometimes the thoughts came back. I just dont know anymore",1.5130555555555567,3.5986520802469144,2.999490740740743,91.59145833333336,80.66666666666667,6.272222222222222,27.40895061728395,7.413659706084162,1.4499987654320992,615,28,133,9,16,201,91,162,0.187,0.742,0.071,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,1,9,0,12,1,0,3,1,28,27,13,4,3,5,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,4,2,24,3,15,23,0,21,0,2,1,0,10,3,0,0,16,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141556054168196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25543010024238993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099294907912805,0.09902378896116362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728989076145904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305237758596196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26730639537368417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527872280922984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406076170676742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850261447005027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511498353547063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949502623370196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127512341269926,0.11387963448322527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391043836758522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247587178324367,0.0,0.2830962462385013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096104722365074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139661532438606,0.10814267646018698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437642358053178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726458865732052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688049401644608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240717873630953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652805864357363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736660752380924,0.0,0.18230214283280566,0.0,0.10284378926773087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408643016211028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251695582401837,0.0,0.10223685055236292,0.2252777744883701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122448020401143,0.0,0.0,0.15191543546762698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darkness753,2018/04/20,"Guy Commited Suicide Over Instagram-Live Sad, on 19/04/2018 08:00 A.M, a boy published a last note before committing suicide, it seems that he was having problems with his life and did not count on the help of anybody.

https://i.imgur.com/6xX1xQe.jpg

the authorities confirmed that he took his life with a shot in the head.

https://i.imgur.com/Gaxt6vZ.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/WEoEdNd.jpg

He was streaming his last words over Instagram-Live just before take his life, for obvious reasons instagram deleted the video, however there are people who claim to have a video recording and will surely be released soon ...",15.82414893617021,14.778930457446814,10.64734042553192,60.58250000000002,47.61702127659576,14.080851063829787,47.96808510638298,12.602617957971056,6.16132765957447,509,23,67,11,4,136,68,94,0.14300000000000002,0.7909999999999999,0.067,-0.872,1,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,0,8,4,1,1,4,14,11,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,4,1,10,5,0,9,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,3,40,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526962900705899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520270610371905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126906447161946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891031208663196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378606754040749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391446236755028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436758891827524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830313064310606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307985653509198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866583309307752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533794234845292,0.0,0.19532364978586525,0.0,0.15582060516917118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302540973437964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lolxdJK,2018/04/20,"I wanna die I lost on fortnite.  It was 2 v 1, me and my friend vs a stupid fuckass and i died  rushing him.  After that my friend tried to kill him with an ar that wasnt even loaded so hr reloaded in front of the enemy and we lost. 
Pls help me I want to build faster. 
Advices? 
",-0.2091256830601118,1.4346907377049227,2.1094262295081982,98.04698087431696,84.24590163934427,4.722404371584699,18.36338797814207,5.46131890053228,-0.5823464480874319,209,5,52,1,6,71,48,61,0.31,0.537,0.153,-0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,11,2,8,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495305819134802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300376902187056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865999587835048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945742773526824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711595068597776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825131882322389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575017048151746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733697216613045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061537605799644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xintro,2018/04/20,"My dogs are the only reason I didn't kill myself yet In short: my life is mess - my dad is abusive alcoholic and my mum won't divorce him (even though they fight all the time) because of money. Also, my mum say that my dreams about joining e-sport team or becoming well known digital artist are stupid.

I have 3 good friends, one of them is very close to me but I noticed that we don't talk as much as we used to because she fell in love with some guy from internet and talks to him all day, everyday. I don't talk much with other two. As I mentioned in title, I feel like my two dogs are the only reason I'm still alive, though I would really love to end it all. I'm considering saving my pocket money to finally buy some rope so I would finally leave this sh*t world.

Also, before someone mentions it, I won't (more like can't) see a therapist. My parents say that they are all liars so they won't let me go to therapy, which means I have to deal with everything on my own.

I'm 16 and half y/o and I want to move away from here immediately as I reach 18 but I highly doubt I will live enough to achieve that goal.",3.78022695035461,4.00354330638298,5.031489361702128,86.89333333333335,71.25531914893618,8.479432624113478,25.879432624113477,8.447377352677275,1.3982539007092196,867,24,197,13,15,289,140,235,0.076,0.7829999999999999,0.141,0.9386,1,0,1,0,2,1,26.0,2,0,4,3,12,14,4,1,4,0,20,4,0,3,4,30,31,17,1,3,3,4,1,2,1,6,2,2,0,1,9,10,1,0,5,3,3,3,7,6,1,4,1,4,36,8,26,23,11,20,0,0,1,2,28,9,0,4,10,128,45,3,0.0,0.1394509324907603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578160764274274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882434619915208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057959799893266,0.0,0.0,0.14349320877835978,0.12998637498906634,0.10015092768272232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759044109281531,0.12133977194465673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424403465641427,0.12161179489856128,0.0,0.07773733115573031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577789299892472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951081247181177,0.08408229812164551,0.0,0.2578612035846793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093191039273504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688954974060435,0.0987181168561165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653789369419955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243526589546312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021357646250126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462344384721613,0.0,0.1203524951453054,0.08313241483993519,0.1150009860362968,0.0,0.10392803602284703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245110756442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820583231814064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509259695302566,0.1730407235863439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399807801110172,0.0,0.0,0.07975409481884713,0.17902676016057126,0.0,0.0,0.13068787161576192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539929753853174,0.2420229064300025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719372783070232,0.0,0.0,0.09378875516690403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972373798341913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939924595645254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837996109212717,0.0,0.0,0.13459603702895356,0.1366545373137239,0.0,0.0,0.2312721385503701,0.0,0.06862968994093084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299444699231381,0.0,0.0,0.10165185989934268,0.0,0.0971118174091832,0.06942035842459215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582315613795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672162246386861,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maximus_Decimus92,2018/04/20,"I don't want to live until 30 Next Tuesday, on the 23rd I will be 26. I have failed at life, and feel like a lazy waste using up space. I went to college and majored in history just because it was the easiest thing to do. Never really had any drive for anything, just figured it would be the easiest route to take so I could at least get a degree and have plenty of time for video games!

Nothing makes me truly happy. I can never been an adult and have a career and family. I don't think I really want to. Since I graduated four years ago I did not work for one year, worked for one at a K-Mart, and have worked for two as a paraeducator. Basically an aide in a classroom who stands around doing nothing and only occasionally helps. I did want to used to be a teacher, but I can't find the motivation anymore.

It's helpless. Kids will never listen to me. I was enrolled in a master's program but dropped out two years in a row. I'm not motivated to do anything in my life, I just want it to be over. Before I turn 30 I just want to acquire some fentanyl (not sure how to spell it) or anything else that will make me go out peacefully. I want to be in the woods while I do it and look at a sunset, and that will be it.

I've been wanting to do this for a long time, since high school. I never felt like I was right for life. And now I just can't make it as an adult. For three years the amount of money I earned was $10K, $11K, and now $15K. That's a failure of an adult. I just toss responsibilities away. The only things I've been living for my whole life are Star Wars and video games, neither of which make me happy and even mean anything.

Every time I get into a vehicle I hope someone hits me. I just want to be gone. I really see no point to anything.",1.918012477718364,3.1914396069518745,3.911572192513373,89.22304456327991,76.72727272727272,6.697896613190732,22.359714795008912,7.3011,0.6011913725490197,1359,37,311,16,30,464,179,374,0.108,0.81,0.081,-0.5496,0,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,0,9,13,9,1,0,24,0,38,4,0,9,5,62,69,22,1,11,13,0,2,2,0,5,4,1,0,4,16,17,0,0,8,4,1,4,13,3,0,6,13,5,34,6,50,42,6,47,0,2,2,0,9,22,0,3,21,209,50,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544438304564338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057877337493383536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440569455047807,0.0,0.0,0.3501890852148369,0.07576544554323042,0.0,0.0,0.0799631201886019,0.0,0.0,0.0518819244572714,0.0,0.07242186454114981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795296214748532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109801582814272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056213982206797394,0.0,0.07170837365053415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023360516188162,0.0,0.04303388994279728,0.06080220069618893,0.08171840901256745,0.0,0.07778848595842859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893233891576115,0.0,0.04836965590452804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812011622356352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057047063371681236,0.08992279582945649,0.0,0.08453287736559119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046125685783784,0.08316034634451186,0.0,0.15030638898760473,0.07531917585802117,0.0714704939512442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272448474250577,0.0,0.0,0.09270913047300257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625665867741032,0.0,0.09051485462010284,0.0,0.0,0.1633296055291578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153447179215497,0.12945912807382373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045593027731171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356985918689892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268299643647194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613529670838398,0.06782120424983723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408068159608809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211295203028098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021463964729399,0.0,0.0639917066211449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308585982062384,0.05453469236325755,0.0,0.0,0.14888399608685787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257463055531233,0.16627911131803647,0.0,0.0,0.1470144590434217,0.0,0.0,0.4015980209510304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889730323645397,0.0,0.09502164994303504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588205715513892,0.0,0.0,0.060459304022775384,0.0,0.0,0.21923075486448254
suicidewatch,depressionline,2018/04/20,"If I'm still not happy in 9 years, I'm going to get get a gun and shoot myself in the head while jumping off a high ledge [Full Story](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/6nqwl0/ive_had_intrusive_suicidal_thoughts_for_one_year)",14.637999999999998,16.61163008571429,9.440714285714286,58.546785714285726,48.14285714285714,11.571428571428573,31.785714285714285,11.20814326018867,3.5927142857142877,203,5,27,4,2,54,30,35,0.253,0.747,0.0,-0.7781,0,0,0,2,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,14,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350019041848713,0.0,0.2365943893949212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44316191148236855,0.0,0.0,0.4272466216785533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398466057717558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324598336307293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680852572433449
suicidewatch,chastityinflate,2018/04/20,"Making the decision is such a calming feeling It's like the weight is lifted. It's so calming and peaceful. I've been doing things to make everyone else happy my whole life. Now I'm being selfish, and it feels great.",1.8195348837209333,4.414959325581396,3.4058604651162803,85.96181395348837,83.65116279069767,5.300465116279072,24.879069767441862,6.742157984588678,1.216873488372094,173,7,31,2,5,57,35,43,0.058,0.5579999999999999,0.384,0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,7,10,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,5,1,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498023032876228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28573724815883955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023984481682728,0.21362804013515416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296830942727371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31832440861829825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112146700398774,0.14609160197430346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992114662822561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866312669495928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641395974202051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338577981604474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZiplocInvade,2018/04/20,"Everything fell apart. As a young guy trying to do the right thing for him self and his fiancé I thought I was doing the right thing.
I joined the airforce to provide for us and help her with her schooling now she can’t handle the stress my schooling has taken a hit I can’t get up. I’m losing my fiancé I’m on the verge of being kicked out what do I do I want to die.",0.3791666666666664,2.183132395061733,2.198256172839507,97.3359027777778,83.07407407407408,4.5438271604938265,17.532407407407412,5.148860815047168,-0.7276555555555557,288,6,68,1,8,95,54,81,0.12,0.828,0.052000000000000005,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,16,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,14,0,11,11,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,2,47,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23869308425118674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669998730772132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016016924050005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277260443040258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415730369821415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572997382856372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39282003640928903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46552387832119896,0.0,0.0,0.2399295027790209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634525195940861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055899849350617,0.0,0.0,0.18258619774776705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614796586269675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766493912869877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356539329574898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Turbografox16,2018/04/20,"I attempted to take my life today. My girlfriend and I had a very large shouting match in front of my best friend. He took up for her because I was telling and she started crying. I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me.but I was so blinded by the rage of her yelling at me that I kept yeling and she kept crying. 

He kept screaming at me how I was abusive and how I should learn my place. I drove off and left him to walk home. He came back to my car and threw something at it so I punched him and knocked his fucking tooth out. 

I watched my best friend walk away from.the monster that just hurt him and go back into his other friends house. The worst part was hearingg their emotionless voices saying how they'd call the police if I didn't leave. 

The kind of reaction that you see for a criminal, a monster. Someone who.really fucked up. Well now.im.that fuckup. 

I don't have $4000 for dental surgery. I tried to jump in front of a passing car but my girlfriend grabbed me. Had she not I'd be the bloated corpse on the side of the road that I deserve to be. 

Doctors keep prescriving me different drugs to fix me.but my depression gets worse and worse and the flip between crazy and normal comes more often. I don't know.if it's dissociative disorder I don't know what it is. The drugs don't work I'm never getting better.

Fuck my life man",1.6138253382533811,4.0527117416974185,2.171376383763839,95.58424784747852,82.87453874538745,5.089348093480933,24.16248462484625,6.42735559955562,0.58463532595326,1066,41,226,10,30,327,155,271,0.18600000000000005,0.7509999999999999,0.063,-0.9883,1,0,3,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,2,5,10,18,5,0,14,0,19,11,1,3,1,34,41,18,0,3,4,0,1,0,5,1,6,5,1,1,10,16,0,4,3,0,0,14,8,10,1,0,15,9,43,8,29,22,5,35,0,2,3,4,25,16,4,2,5,144,53,4,0.0,0.13149313886411448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426935249196004,0.1706735216368435,0.0,0.06765237094847111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293330214957844,0.0981527811901078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133229766285348,0.126931541508795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559943330652687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438126124334478,0.0,0.0,0.0955869015280048,0.0,0.0,0.1159504671609574,0.12719268174751838,0.113592720918124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574031058352667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572285915960446,0.41039684447196706,0.11596492698722548,0.0,0.06307248503470676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132197728299968,0.0,0.0,0.12805600634222572,0.11880637309849475,0.0,0.11987743190876865,0.0,0.0,0.09864411305649026,0.0,0.1155685800267123,0.18297509800894515,0.0,0.0,0.117511783641977,0.12058008229583399,0.0,0.15677689597925146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559460887840098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873682550821057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018051269186725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159504671609574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631952359528065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825574131519237,0.0,0.0,0.08843668225647239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403298416502977,0.08543781718681467,0.0,0.0,0.07855220711515219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344313976874235,0.0,0.09700140164431853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519605260745653,0.0,0.12330285077589526,0.07534812731592011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157011332841636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978433787818744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079475343852564,0.0,0.22619617926099936,0.0,0.1213391955622295,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daxau,2018/04/20,"An impromptu! I'm not sure what's going to happen tonight, but I'm kinda excited. I might end up being free! I've told my daughter I love her, and that I'll always be with her. I emailed the password to my online savings account to my best friend's work email (so she wont get it til Monday morning, and it's Friday night where I am). 

After everything I've been through, I might finally be free! I'm too chicken to actually try to end my life, but I've had a fair bit to drink, and had some diazepam and pethidine. If I can keep telling myself that I'm just getting high I might keep going and actually get there! 

I know my freedom comes at a cost of pain to many of those I love, I hope if this works, and if any of them ever somehow see this: I love you. There was no future with my past. Thank you for everything. I became so much more than I ever thought I could. There was nothing you could have done to change this ending. Be happy for my freedom, and knowing that my recent years were my happiest, and you contributed to that. ",2.9750233644859816,4.105194014018694,4.293539719626172,88.10236565420561,73.81308411214954,7.032242990654206,26.45911214953271,7.413659706084162,1.2285897196261684,805,28,173,9,16,266,124,214,0.035,0.687,0.278,0.9969,0,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,4,1,3,11,14,0,0,4,0,20,6,0,0,3,36,43,16,0,6,7,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,11,11,1,2,3,1,4,3,3,1,0,0,9,1,32,15,22,24,5,22,0,0,1,3,17,4,0,10,15,119,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.2281316039235097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726015860615604,0.0,0.0,0.0794878310189393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266671797635435,0.0,0.12761139459376675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365197838346742,0.10068864018920408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665107298804745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961698070117095,0.0,0.11450571543668625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105841540430335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146373006087102,0.0,0.0,0.2101027492639939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804506278597907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030735925858807,0.0,0.1832074271383817,0.0,0.13286025935187146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336364995127527,0.12442942253406301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349856280896715,0.0,0.11609613300454565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779080508733525,0.0,0.0,0.1284771479619862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256143328078383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31648788218856994,0.0,0.0,0.11850605999829827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37199900833883737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592611066778212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969144599701296,0.0,0.1121571641592521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437704623865815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115827979499286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541277349290767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314458225602236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016553279179644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216524188691438,0.10761474265966373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279599535570963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169146889866524,0.0,0.07935926205668263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701916753431583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527202334944412
suicidewatch,JoelTheGreatOne,2018/04/20,I think I'm done Ex is getting married and I just want to kill myself. I'm seriously just considering jumping off a bridge right now so I can be free from this. This pain too much for me right now. I should've killed myself when I was in high school/when I was brave enough to do it. Living and keep waiting for things to get better wasnt worth it.  Goodbye  . ,0.3834666666666671,2.6785641466666696,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,87.53333333333332,4.4,17.666666666666668,5.82211442006289,-0.5455333333333332,281,7,64,2,9,90,54,75,0.196,0.6659999999999999,0.138,-0.691,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,16,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,9,4,8,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626516790969365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386662244356273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409798073736027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24369686570904955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24641096553404174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729768730129874,0.5160493289246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593856148897946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144439103299225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481637628556645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983392011917745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360322700456049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494177894277136,0.14943870546260626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755988565844762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MessedUpp93,2018/04/20,"Couldn't do it today, hope I'll make it soon Yes, so I'm 25 dropping out of my Bachelor's (Math, tried to hold on to it for way too long I guess), my ex left me 4 months ago for a friend with a better family and plenty friends, been suicidal on and off since I was 3 years old. I'm pretty much hella alone right now and I don't see the possibility of an intimate relationship anytime soon.

Don't want to end up like my sister having a crappy job living in the middle of nowhere with no friends, partially refusing to face reality.

Used to be a top grades student and everybody expected big of me (hah!) but hell broke loose due to obvious depression (child abuse, I already seeked all the help I could), and I didn't accomplish anything. Got little to no friends, my father is suicidal as well and in general my family is what it is.

So after a lifetime of contempling suicide today for the first time I got my hands around some serious planning. For sure I don't want to attempt and end up waking up. Played around hanging with a belt; I found out I don't know myself as well as I thought and I fought against it.

Realistically, though, if nothing big happens in my life out of pure luck I think I'll probably be able to do it soon.

Anyone out there who is older than me and had things work out for him/her? When I was 20 I kept repeating myself it would get better, but it got worse.",4.508439716312059,4.912626652482274,5.793049645390072,81.43333333333334,69.70921985815603,9.387234042553194,29.141843971631204,9.444778638647367,2.3579418439716315,1084,38,228,22,18,365,166,282,0.18600000000000005,0.6629999999999999,0.151,-0.9604,1,1,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,8,14,18,2,0,11,2,21,4,3,2,4,46,41,19,3,8,3,3,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,11,19,0,3,4,1,0,1,8,5,2,1,12,2,27,13,45,24,3,46,1,2,1,0,13,23,1,5,21,145,38,6,0.10844659447686314,0.12849148113672254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961313627106529,0.0,0.0,0.11231796609636754,0.1196735137006214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582838036713803,0.0,0.0892423070057651,0.19308092219520365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182439999152615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658578131006933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340489291457067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921029881038336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044675955460822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224461786205132,0.0,0.11890609334110536,0.3351422795176623,0.0,0.056658869646038085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602039451642689,0.0,0.11946615019343347,0.0,0.09589896534551184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268946632173927,0.0,0.0,0.10771193781371972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761651143424718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959941220102347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782754220956475,0.0,0.07659903682582749,0.052981528212320834,0.10869197760842436,0.09576032975678432,0.0959718234967129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723889439149131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656103707057015,0.0,0.07972072496558145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405743222137732,0.0,0.1137964582227186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222572408724235,0.0,0.11032917383744392,0.11692377089318212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643105746313505,0.0,0.09261279914111586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641789517014108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970814360744676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558689182894698,0.0,0.10220963188171538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204709859768815,0.06948819885921143,0.10654822846008337,0.08609448241247677,0.06323608134386995,0.0,0.20558938247321,0.0,0.0,0.07362811902836934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366303835676808,0.0,0.0,0.12792922235366214,0.08607985892226046,0.0,0.0,0.19501302469424195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895041237186289,0.0,0.11051634462368627,0.07703734923156325,0.0,0.0,0.06983605128183497
suicidewatch,jxtom,2018/04/20,"i feel so alone I JUST FEEL SO ALONE
Like nobody is listening, they say they are but when it comes down to it, i’m by myself 

im currently on the verge of getting kicked out by my sister, arguing with another sister 24/7 i found out by my cousin that the boy i was falling for was actually getting close with my other cousin, i don’t have a job i don’t have my license i don’t have a car.. my mum isn’t here anymore, my dad has his own problems and we aren’t close
my best friend tries to help by drinking alcohol and partying but it only makes matters worse

i feel like giving up, there’s nothing i can do anymore.. i’ve tried applying for jobs, i tried going for my license but i failed, i tried everything, i seriously feel like a waste of oxygen and i just shouldn’t be here ",0.6731775067750689,2.8578418597561,2.7852845528455283,91.32136856368568,84.67073170731706,6.083468834688348,21.915989159891602,7.3871296695380915,0.8172192411924115,611,21,134,10,18,206,92,164,0.157,0.6729999999999999,0.17,0.4958,4,2,2,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,2,2,8,9,1,0,5,0,17,2,0,1,0,25,30,9,0,2,5,6,4,3,1,1,1,2,0,1,5,11,2,0,5,1,0,4,6,4,0,0,3,6,27,5,18,25,2,14,0,1,0,0,17,8,0,0,5,88,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.14562522201964948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947959025457062,0.0,0.3091108742482075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647880627437485,0.0,0.0,0.2959886024869845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660581640163934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285469030176612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618684957457434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411670712123905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301817099227344,0.2132173487588011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636210472088344,0.11529335713125966,0.0,0.15593117769934825,0.14315331207867246,0.08480983972826325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002453420528566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119209163273027,0.0,0.2961719757678037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187161200550739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961099954500917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431885074306638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134947902562387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279125844635854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867227479497275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052646790733933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207631108648018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alric_Wolff,2018/04/20,"It's 4am and here I am thinking about killing myself again... All the fucking time all I think about is how I'm just gonna blow my brains myself, blow my brains or erase the universe all together. 

There's no fucking point. I stay alive cuz people love me and I love them but what is the actual fucking point? I'm so tired of putting up with all this shit. The education system is nothing but propaganda especially at the college level. The world is going fucking mad because nobody knows what the fuck is true anymore. The media blasts all this degeneracy and tries to normalize further fucking up the human race and everyone just sits by and nods their head and carried on as if nothing has changed in 10 years. No matter how much people talk about it it just gets worse and worse. 

So I fucking stay alive to watch the next hockey game or watch the next season of that dumb fucking show I like. I don't kill myself cuz I wanna finish writing down my frustrations into some mad abstract nonsense that only makes sense to me. But it's goddam pointless. 

I love my friends and family and my fiance but goddamnit I just can't stop thinking about killing myself. Life is su check a fucking waste of time. 

Shower, eat, school, study, work, videogames, socialize, take out the trash, suck at guitar, work out, dog shit on the floor, cook food, drink, smoke, masturbate, sleep in till noon.

not a goddam thing actually makes me happy. Just a laugh for a second and that's it. Nothing is satisfying. Life is boring and pisses me off. Nobody matters. This whole world is full of goddamn nonsense and it's pointless. Everything is pointless. If I were dead id have nothing to worry about.",2.8984805458233467,5.560432081504704,3.457205421353496,86.98714687442377,79.28213166144201,5.633818919417298,24.74285450857459,6.923569853693429,1.0946698506361792,1330,49,244,15,34,416,177,319,0.257,0.613,0.13,-0.9959,1,0,2,0,0,3,41.0,0,0,2,2,17,31,22,0,17,0,16,26,7,6,6,53,41,28,4,4,14,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,15,16,4,1,4,6,1,2,5,23,0,1,1,2,26,8,32,39,9,38,0,0,2,12,11,21,16,5,12,153,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.14949559109392282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596381738028407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669292819399632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101556364020815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102965691929037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503607268101034,0.0,0.07837803465120935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319188519251776,0.06884060373811754,0.0,0.07220900156960408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262161055983928,0.0,0.05917878899856625,0.6373157033960818,0.04001886358839368,0.0,0.04353194091284136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153911931221147,0.0,0.0,0.07861080196232716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542302828437669,0.0,0.042095805329713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820570282765904,0.037421511644677836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739582858369696,0.0,0.10225842096521097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630773853231188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292393358489368,0.0,0.07504897041029313,0.2939882289527468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058255604764495435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620567619584287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481818145792294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700131923995503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752043252531005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725180306746275,0.0,0.0,0.07665249463755001,0.07808117591527271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632847983607929,0.0,0.06403866982701317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057591544522085016,0.06156590948123662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088776088779675,0.14724113462848126,0.0,0.0,0.08932885985810889,0.08803718714469927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052004455261354866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551801275835971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152731435325908,0.07778815143240288,0.15611813463322308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049326070697480726
suicidewatch,mtoneguit,2018/04/20,Dead dreams I want to die because I feel like my dreams will never come true. My dream is to be a full time writer/performer of music. For many different reasons it seems like this dream will never happen. What’s the point in living if you can’t do what you feel like you were put on this earth to do?,4.16357142857143,4.44007801587302,4.412817460317459,91.47732142857143,70.42857142857143,6.934920634920636,22.099206349206348,5.985473137389443,0.13808253968253936,237,4,53,1,4,74,47,63,0.141,0.616,0.244,0.5673,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,3,10,14,1,2,2,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,7,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439158039450799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336714158151453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450199430982869,0.24665956958089266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23874429997685856,0.3373196999285841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087700260379221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34601901025409104,0.0,0.20846821928365586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393540983039855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641680779963303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231775326211092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373315872846617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427356768207661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492378225465794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766361608940705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924961017858953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IBelieveInMoriarty,2018/04/20,"I'm still here this morning Hey guys, so last night I swallowed a bunch of pills and went to sleep. Obviously it didn't work, so I'm being forced to give things another chance. What do I do? Everything just seems so fucking pointless.",2.21478260869565,4.758237000000001,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,81.17391304347827,6.288695652173913,24.417391304347824,7.554174236665415,1.1975878260869577,186,7,38,3,5,58,38,46,0.075,0.878,0.046,-0.3102,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,4,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32350298821643875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27727176961839395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852154805460443,0.0,0.2959539718709805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30547657072843626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514794333517798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289518737380982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808588288195695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087360028780469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24637903871375305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496246033740745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859948257188022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246012827629557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pareidolicfairy,2018/04/20,"Autism/Aspergers is a death sentence. As an autist I will never be able to have a happy normal life. 85~90% of autistics are unemployed and will never be able to have careers, 2/3 of autistic men die without even one relationship from start to finish, and the autism suicide rate is 15x the general population's. Everyone thinks it's okay to discriminate against autistics, there is nothing good about this disorder. 

I don't see why I shouldn't kill myself ",6.483052208835344,8.271740457831326,6.2965662650602425,74.55802208835345,66.10843373493975,9.388755020080325,34.315261044176715,9.725611199111238,3.556246586345381,370,17,61,8,6,116,63,83,0.189,0.695,0.116,-0.8302,2,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,1,12,1,0,0,2,9,15,3,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,4,3,11,10,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,41,6,2,0.4297552536808638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300905185822212,0.0,0.2462683764836833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192464596894133,0.0,0.0,0.20532478082443145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022915859380054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287412294048751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377302573298837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517744225237819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314537452096915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053445146358854,0.2061808782350379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560664102376875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306981555196558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122964829169304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209149024673346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350412477133378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376849069010549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389363614664853,0.0,0.0,0.20713436434818094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xlCoachlx,2018/04/20,"Need to talk I have been struggling with depression for a long time.  Every time life starts to feel good it is taken away for no reason at all.  The older I get the more exhausted I become and the more frequent the thoughts of ending the pain.  Just hoping to talk, try and cheer up.  I have a wonderful girlfriend, I am partially estranged from my family, and I can always reach out to my Veteran Brothers, but I feel like I am getting to be a burden to them all or they are tired of me.  Just feeling lonely and want to find someone, anyone just to talk to.  ",3.152342342342344,4.789915045045048,4.315495495495497,86.08963963963964,74.22522522522522,7.095495495495496,24.94594594594595,7.793537801064563,1.3354216216216208,434,14,86,6,9,142,74,111,0.173,0.696,0.131,-0.7904,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,3,10,0,1,8,0,9,4,0,1,2,23,21,6,0,3,5,1,3,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,13,4,19,17,4,11,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,3,8,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061804296628792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656910870920882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700684921956227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991560107298176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559069834808145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032456361955427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251199497696705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064376954171373,0.0,0.2745781589796115,0.1293163469632899,0.0,0.0,0.16544340048171433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914455502937572,0.0,0.0,0.15182584843791047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978761910009627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785545164077422,0.08843423493179835,0.0,0.0,0.16019158133622313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421949313196244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926115231854914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611240915231986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337246709031385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812255090720254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923500227355136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364762830441011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370479563150826,0.2111012899182336,0.2080488186744936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289653763190315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676667214022642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630182361798498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,79225,2018/04/20,"Just need someone to talk to, please Sorry, I don't know if I should be posting here. I feel like my problems are so small compared to everyone else's.

But hi, it's been a rough few days. The stress of exams combined with constant fighting with my boyfriend has done quite a number on me. I've also been struggling with memories of a rape, with everything being worse by my boyfriend not listening to me when I tell him I dont want to do something in the bedroom.

Earlier tonight, we had a big argument and then he refused to talk to me. It feels like we have one of these every other day, if not every day. We fight, he goes to sleep, and I can never sleep at all.

I'm starting to feel the old thoughts coming back, where I just want someone to hold me as I die. I feel abandoned and alone. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to: I haven't found any academic passion, I don't have any hobbies, and my relationship sure isn't what it used to be.

If someone here would like to talk, I'd really appreciate it. Even if it's not tonight and in the morning instead. Thank you for reading. I hope you're having a better night than me. ",3.3734991163847496,4.449513287553653,4.3913456197929825,87.99048220146429,72.77682403433477,7.1990911386013625,29.15652612976521,7.5105763829236425,1.5985548598838673,888,36,189,10,17,289,135,233,0.158,0.7170000000000001,0.125,-0.794,0,1,1,0,4,0,28.0,3,1,0,2,11,16,3,2,9,0,22,4,2,1,3,45,41,15,1,11,10,0,6,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,8,13,0,3,8,1,0,2,9,7,0,1,6,8,28,9,29,30,2,23,0,1,1,2,17,8,0,5,18,125,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181336647306812,0.0,0.0912152104949463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513192212885124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770651266622165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087842641452494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825417355626297,0.0,0.12326032547276387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068134787974486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837817961499555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672486151371385,0.13367962443635795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952840294029434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533676813704887,0.0,0.19220403561951932,0.10899097404932537,0.10251142508251823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28836546188181017,0.2444573991869165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506291783401075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328914145632366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626854030909048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289940989078705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578321656056174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457540747095199,0.08797152101574933,0.0,0.0,0.10703930803291896,0.0,0.10944540965270674,0.0,0.11968871152534495,0.0,0.07729125325014191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252056457988992,0.0,0.0,0.10923971102704988,0.0,0.0,0.1091417744057058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213188046703064,0.1140927045728354,0.0,0.07307093402753134,0.0,0.0,0.1224597273671029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828842382956735,0.0,0.2899326751197397,0.08781037531075435,0.0,0.12768288905886493,0.08073355588178721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065744984765645,0.11924219836917907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750193227859213,0.0,0.0,0.2750357539613641,0.09969507373336016,0.10501281557310063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055235839786087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851280570200084,0.0,0.0,0.13455325437265955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162387573136192,0.08102625699305838,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imkms2nite,2018/04/20,"Im dying I dont want my family to know anything so im saying it here. Iv had way too much to drink anf bnow i have the curage to kms. Im standing next to a freeway now waiting for the nexty truk to come...pursue happiness everypome
",-2.395935828877008,-1.3146677058823537,1.2573975044563284,94.3055614973262,118.21568627450979,4.207486631016043,16.401069518716582,6.11248444174946,-0.0003882352941171341,181,6,40,3,11,65,40,51,0.027000000000000003,0.8690000000000001,0.104,0.5541,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984803609933378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826148138996668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268204051994293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25613898338508745,0.21409580639107575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060294984448363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326505489670172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7082145406868904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010936961027127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065940362286615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324304144324669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379973945968394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890645800166736,0.17347482482581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waifhipster-bullshit,2018/04/20,"Warning I was just raped Soooooooooio From my notes folder. Just some facts I wrote down sorry for the format this just happened and I’m sitting feeling dirty and disgusting and awful help please I’m begging for help:

Hung out before

Tinder

Weird texts 

Anothey place I didn’t know he said “I take all the whores” and I said I didn’t want to go vehemently many times and he pulled my hair and choked me and called me names and forced himself on me. Manipulative if I didn’t submit and leave my mouth open and mind gone. 

Pushed my head down so I couldn’t see where w were or going on his dick

Choked me  to where I was scared NUMEROUS times. Terrified 

I begged him to use condom and he forced himself inside me said stop and pushed

Room at a hotel

Goes behind the hotel first and literally throws me around and slaps me and forced his penis into me

He leaves to let me check in and go get condoms

He gets into a “ car accident “ (was super low on gas so prob 

Acts like he genuinely likes me as a person. 

I’m genuinely terrified of this individual. 

Reinforces my self doubt

I’m sitting here in the same clothes and underwear. He was inside me while i begged him not to. He laughed about me crying which made me think I was overreacting or playing a game.

No. 

He’s done this with other girls and will do it again 

I’m so ashamed 

Also I’m really mentally messed up about this I have PTSD 
These things have happened before and I am afraid nobody will believe me please help

Please help 

This just happened. So I’m still wearing the panties so.....

I’m shaking I’m shaking. I don’t know what to do 
",2.0504459691252137,4.426340716981136,2.9738421955403105,90.90503430531734,80.50943396226415,5.992910234419669,21.271583762149803,7.229369725052465,0.5958540880503151,1260,37,261,17,33,399,171,318,0.23,0.68,0.09,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,20,17,2,6,9,1,20,9,5,3,2,51,51,30,0,3,8,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,1,3,11,25,0,1,4,4,1,12,7,12,0,1,16,6,40,5,28,31,3,40,0,1,1,5,29,19,1,5,9,152,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384968191981437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447186687670257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997229036814292,0.13222020921870314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983376460967955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891023548998426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009610092171365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933880265675129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982309311360768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226275039449211,0.0,0.2000886373582978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113330046474794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044128147787342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146454517645532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899175716801542,0.0,0.0,0.2485264654841485,0.0,0.12000462877326053,0.0,0.11466858764484067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104523989301623,0.0,0.11898073047793425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826741080811334,0.0,0.11849627111862612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102470875732283,0.12261221335276705,0.3864654799029157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718307552371567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518136370959205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33489775865348564,0.0,0.1174939930730634,0.0,0.09351766852296596,0.0,0.12242807343941665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313706174634254,0.0,0.0,0.09372078413420873,0.09811500793237253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823723014369028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796622067032283,0.07519709123185145,0.0,0.0,0.13686264591759292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135804576884122,0.0,0.0,0.0692197060974255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpme767,2018/04/20,"Had a gun to my head today, I just barely pulled it away. I’ve been suffering with depression for years now, mom and dad ignore it when I say I need medication or help, friend ignore it when they talk to me, girlfriends ignore it when I try to tell them how I’m feeling. 

It’s all a big shit show as of lately tonight was the night I was finally gonna pull the trigger but I decided not to and just wait maybe a week or two see if anything goes my way for once. If it doesn’t I’ll surely pick it up again and follow through with my original plans.

Currently I have a girlfriend who I’ve been with for nearing 10 months, we kinda split once and she treats me good and bad and good and bad. She got raped once by the guy she almost ran off with from me but it’s whatever. There’s this guy named Nick who she says is “just a friend” and that I “have nothing to worry about” but what she doesn’t understand is that I’m so insecure from what happened with her and I before and I’ve been cheated on before and she just doesn’t fucking get me and she lives an hour and a half away and I can’t do shit about anything of this and it fucking sucks. She’s the only thing that makes me happy and tonight we had a big ass fight cause I said her friend Nick “had bad teeth” she flipped fucking shit cause of it and I feel like she’s picking him over me earlier tonight and I just got so fed up with all of the bullshit.

If any of you are wondering I’m 17 and I’m in the Maryland area if anyone wants to say hi before my final goodbye 🙃",1.0277715300384709,2.8458521559633065,2.489008582420837,96.00545131695769,80.9571865443425,5.6872447469665595,20.945940613593766,6.6834051587181325,0.14734475683141035,1193,34,280,12,31,387,166,327,0.192,0.7,0.108,-0.987,1,0,0,1,1,0,13.0,2,1,2,1,16,28,10,1,14,0,18,12,6,8,3,67,44,35,0,6,15,2,2,1,5,1,1,4,0,2,20,27,1,4,5,1,0,4,5,19,0,2,13,7,41,9,36,30,2,36,0,2,1,5,39,12,8,9,20,176,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712229165152393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595708064791629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678182335017854,0.0,0.15963035437264544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822521282269272,0.0,0.2429498394569844,0.0,0.0,0.2475961214055065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199272570193102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353804745953458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808294135420846,0.0692902581316527,0.0,0.21249739550020053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248045908926549,0.26899933873809617,0.05067369806658128,0.0,0.0,0.16270258905946994,0.15514483122543124,0.0,0.0,0.19207231287869464,0.08576865802609275,0.10324852687321902,0.0,0.0,0.09954055878203599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501089929997061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551641617439094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940986475726128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047384813366550066,0.0,0.08564466723685979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474212264062516,0.0,0.09744031084468463,0.0,0.0,0.09770804288882644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359447113901786,0.07741714376313791,0.0,0.0,0.07191746089188061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101931021727963,0.0,0.09306530354225903,0.0,0.0,0.3098761599192021,0.0,0.07376588593031128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226047642516884,0.23139296876585885,0.0,0.0,0.07728912268738516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986790356302303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141269597905988,0.0,0.0,0.07795754373073849,0.08477424798449366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443638822518853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919359524662775,0.0,0.0,0.06585039723105011,0.0,0.0947459336439012,0.10097085973168853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720769605836393,0.07698679496945372,0.07780018197656731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518240229957622,0.0,0.09849888141217222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062458905356320475
suicidewatch,allisonwonderland54,2018/04/20,"My plan Today I found a message my mom sent my grandma saying they ""messed up"" on me and it got me thinking. I'm transgender and have been trying to get on HRT for nearly a year now. My mom says she's cooperating but I'm worried she might be stalling, so I've decided my terms. There's no point if I can't get HRT, so if I find out she's trying to keep me from being happy I don't have anything keeping me from getting back at her. How do you ruin the life of a mother? I'll let you guys fill in the blanks. She should have drowned me like she  wanted to.
 Fuck my family, they're fucking scum. I don't want to make them proud, I'll make myself proud. If I'm not dead in a year I'm never looking back. I'm fucking sick of hating my own body not being able to do anything while it gets permanently worse every day. ",1.314237288135594,2.7197411016949182,3.4120000000000026,91.61732203389832,78.66101694915254,5.8499435028248605,21.4045197740113,6.42735559955562,0.1929882485875712,633,17,146,5,15,216,106,177,0.203,0.69,0.107,-0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,2,2,3,7,10,4,0,6,0,15,6,1,3,1,23,39,10,2,6,6,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,3,0,2,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,4,3,28,4,18,29,2,21,0,1,1,3,18,9,3,4,11,88,30,0,0.13674103591828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505244293879603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029083220146969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518884648452818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881866558636346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521022035367075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890727902320712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497882955657055,0.0,0.0,0.14992948795572678,0.0,0.3792446528722567,0.2857661899566969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936429795520684,0.0,0.0,0.13539512395413925,0.0,0.14556337542424008,0.0,0.13500346338519514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24308343119050255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982697371507086,0.09658423758194437,0.06680476309315532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482803106143526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825514065739948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450606301025724,0.0,0.3202988972197301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054631167176468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926447755156426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748392029104305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876181344553998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961451334086824,0.0,0.0,0.1856763749423525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130681164535673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886715954285178,0.1393507977142485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611348780081051
suicidewatch,RagingValkerie,2018/04/20,""";"" I want to begin by saying, I usually don't feel like everything is useless bullshit, and do have a desire to exist; I find myself focused on past trauma, I find the idea of it so unbearable, I find myself escaping to fantasies.

What I am about to tell you, I have never told anyone. 

Let me tell you my tale of woe. 

It begins at 14 where I lost my virginity, when I was raped, in a washroom stall of a local mall. 

After that, I withdrew and became an easy target at school, which made it difficult to develop normal social skills, and is a great contributor to my reluctance to identify in an in-group bias. I felt so alone. I started cutting to feel something. 

Fast forward 4 years, and I met my long term SO. I was in love at first sight. I am still in love with him, despite the tragedy of our relationship, he made me forget about the pain I felt. 

That lasted 6 months, and I chased the distraction for 6 years after. After a while, he kept me busy through verbal/physical/emotional abuse of varying types. 


During our relationship we started to drift apart around year 3, and I was getting ready to leave him, but instead I supported him though leaving his job and transitioned into a new one, while he slipped into a depression only vice and video games would satisfy. He stopped participating in everything, and I was left to carry. 

During this time, I was struggling with self-worth/body image issues, and had developed an eating disorder and was suffering with constant ideation. I wanted to hang my self with a cat5 cable but I didn't want my SO to find my body, so I made plans... 

Eventually I changed my mind and started seeing a therapist, though was not able to complete my sessions because of career transitions and cash flow. 

I decided I was willing to put everything I had to  making this relationship work because he was worth it deep down.

I transitioned in and out of 2 career paths over the the next 2 years, and faltered to sickness. It started with having my period non-stop for 2 years straight, my doctor though I was stressing myself out so much my uterine lining evacuated the dance floor. I know... gross right? It gets worse.  

In year 4 he became physically abusive and emotionally destructive, so much so I was scared to be alone with him. He was a tyrant, constantly whinging at me, that I was never good enough, or did something wrong. He took out all of his self hate on me, and I let him because I believed I deserved it. 

I once tried to swat a bee away from him and he knocked be back, hard in the gut, in front of our two closest friends.

In year 5 (Jan 2017) of our relationship, I had a high fever, diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain, bloating... you get it... I was sick everyday all day, and I was in and out of the emergency room for 30 straight days.

I stayed home from work, and was grateful to have some time to myself. After a long night and morning of painting the toilet, I remember being so cold, but under so many blankets, and not being able to warm up. My fingers were blue, and I could not stop shaking.

I guess I passed out and had a seizure in bed, because when I woke up my SO was yelling and screaming at me for vomiting in bed. 

I remember feeling so tired I let my eyes roll back in my head and surrendered to unconsciousness. 

I did not care if I died, in fact I felt so defeated and betrayed I wanted to die.

After going over to a friends house, my friends family made me dinner, and forced me back to the hospital, and was given IV antibiotics and sent home.

Looking back, I think that last meal saved my life. I mean it... its the little things that keep you healthy.

I was sick again only 12 hours after the treatment. I literally begged my mother, father, and boyfriend to take me to the hospital. 

On February 27th, at 4 am I was admitted to hospital. 

In the emergency triage I laid on the rest with an IV in my arm, loaded up on morphine, gravol, and acetaminophen, my boyfriend sighing passively in the corner. 

The doctor explained I had a mass inside of me, which had wrapped itself around my fallopian tube, had necrotized, and now the mass had ruptured.

I felt my blood pressure drop to an all new low. I could feel my body shutting down. I could feel my heart struggle to beat.

I was so scared, but I wanted to live, to love, and to laugh, as cheesy as that sounds.

At 7pm I found myself on the operating table, staring at instruments they were going to use to breach my abdominal wall and remove the dead parts of me, it was surreal.

While under the anesthesia, the nurse told me to think about a vacation I wanted to take, or something that made me happy. I booted into the matrix, that white endless loading area, and considered: what would make me happy? All I could come up with is my SO. 

I remember waking up from the surgery- they said it would take 2 hours, but I was under for 6 apparently there was more damage than anticipated. I woke up feeling like I had run a marathon, though I immediately tried ripping tubes out, insisting I was fine. 

The nurse made me a deal, I have to keep the tubes for a few more hours, and she wouldn't sedate me. I remember feeling the need to be awake, to run, and feel the earth beneath my feet, feel the wind in my hair, to have a gratitude to be alive. 

Though this process I was alone. There are no words to describe the level of disappointment I felt in him. 

My friends came to visit me in the hospital, when they saw me, they were happy I was alive. I never got that sense from my SO, it left me feeling worried for my well being. 

I recovered partially in hospital, though when I returned, I know I was not going to be able to recover if things had been going as they were. 

My side of the bed had week old vomit, and I was left to clean everything up. 

I had to do it all myself. I tried for a year after that to make things work and keep trying.

Things got worse, and worse. One night he was drunk, and he told me about his fantasies where he murdered me to satisfy his anger and disapproval of me. 

He told me about multiple ways he wanted to kill me, in a calm, cold, Patrick Bateman-esque voice. It was terrifying, I don't think I'll ever be the same, or feel safe again, I don't know if I have the strength to trust others, or to let them in for fear of them hurting me.

One night I was crying, he took my head in his hand and shook me, squeezing my skull, I though I was going to die. He threw me into the fridge, next to the garbage. 

I don't know how not to be angry with myself for making these stupid decisions. I don't know how to ask for help.  I don't know how to make this go away. 



   ",5.1198232836495015,5.6061084390432105,5.760939476061427,81.9097154471545,68.39043209876543,8.976272207166518,30.00240891297802,8.979522561349006,2.281564807286962,5131,184,1035,86,82,1668,504,1296,0.174,0.715,0.112,-0.9984,2,3,3,0,2,1,196.0,5,4,7,10,52,61,8,10,65,0,98,39,15,15,10,184,198,93,6,21,18,2,22,2,4,5,15,6,7,2,40,69,4,7,40,8,2,26,18,35,2,5,84,38,194,25,187,91,16,195,0,10,8,5,78,94,0,9,76,719,234,11,0.11569114943410255,0.091383396081772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982114018860783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026964647212510868,0.0,0.0,0.0686597672962592,0.036051869187895984,0.0,0.07246376214206478,0.11861247030180234,0.0,0.0940323345181366,0.0,0.0,0.04344810267214304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850678631858178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410661815957941,0.03931827908633047,0.0,0.0407952986674342,0.03321922708100883,0.0404333230218093,0.08334735500297329,0.0,0.12315995859816392,0.0,0.042360431738499314,0.04974081366333344,0.039757498361745074,0.033214872494563535,0.0,0.12006914783569493,0.0,0.04419736008753965,0.07894319579970137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946030939940199,0.0,0.08675798100690835,0.0,0.039846627853014856,0.0,0.0,0.03488308936881648,0.0,0.0,0.13863432707065632,0.0,0.036354439812615484,0.043394902389158635,0.21448871137458905,0.05509985351460503,0.18513607708615687,0.0,0.14098615288117292,0.03280227753593218,0.0,0.042283124640629936,0.11917692675797754,0.0,0.06044385060321659,0.0,0.13149989265397086,0.03234541573863937,0.061685853860056074,0.0425166335589114,0.042482281412393484,0.0,0.0,0.12315537984078448,0.034545515278454154,0.03807368615117642,0.07915499747787268,0.0,0.0,0.045698189703526015,0.025848446266970783,0.04074468375399897,0.07736510384143451,0.0,0.11393247798520205,0.04449735115196623,0.04128325608349088,0.043533741911997936,0.0,0.040250500834982286,0.038268538125379725,0.1028316093042531,0.042665038593002164,0.0,0.1271616602880848,0.06286915192054432,0.0,0.08166681517830081,0.1256987723678871,0.1577360514820753,0.027238693413023016,0.03768056788521496,0.03865097496281802,0.034052468170142104,0.0682553511073468,0.032383809321369306,0.0,0.04209685200970312,0.0,0.10441577924832217,0.21893952577903106,0.1287079010062693,0.03909755569408535,0.0,0.04200719258545711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893836036299279,0.0,0.03078119057345092,0.0,0.05669753761888624,0.028594507129385133,0.08922814657671016,0.07449015536042593,0.08202589994042837,0.10856830661051142,0.037784254296188036,0.0,0.0,0.040466133328342015,0.041069099465553566,0.07839531696702863,0.058658888258326526,0.08206902655360572,0.0,0.0,0.041760746938974115,0.03681343095375757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03876718643038681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561199771760401,0.17474069288946342,0.032933203163674166,0.03668292537282559,0.03066741517757497,0.07721801537849042,0.03902853989433378,0.03073028917178955,0.0,0.12069110016192605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931085250602485,0.0,0.08906469899254342,0.0,0.0,0.10918238803804804,0.0411037906998376,0.03079703379414145,0.09672298123366244,0.0441746069323908,0.08063033908674036,0.0,0.0,0.0437616484585573,0.0,0.0,0.08698534643325014,0.0,0.06741277593282058,0.0,0.0,0.04477544712918556,0.102480078670575,0.07413021715350224,0.2652205894868985,0.0,0.0449736263990693,0.04432331913963457,0.0,0.14739713482609998,0.08569141590048654,0.10472892839901077,0.0,0.03767114747187425,0.0,0.0,0.033306669269658404,0.042472485459728176,0.0,0.15922115391130098,0.03061008314701348,0.03093348723115968,0.0,0.03467341242991772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422453466296627,0.03916332601078803,0.11789916504475832,0.08218367321675002,0.042163370135097286,0.0,0.19867015240595426
suicidewatch,Trowitaway115,2018/04/20,"I'm a failure despite my best efforts, and I don't have the ability to continue. I'm 26, working a job I hate, after graduating college and failing to find a job that I wanted to do and don't have any real skills besides learning quickly which nobody cares about. I'm not going to be able to change careers to anything fulfilling and I'm too stubborn to just sell out and be a bank teller or fast food worker. 

I'm so tired of being a loser despite my efforts. 

 I've tried counseling, I've been on drugs for years. Nothing helps. My grandpa is on his deathbed. I haven't had any real reason to get up in the morning for over a decade besides it's expected of me. I've never had a support system since my dad is an asshole and my mom is unstable and I've never been able to make friends. 

I'm so tired. ",2.722074175824176,3.9941444583333343,4.69166666666667,84.44307692307693,74.65476190476191,6.8358974358974365,30.18498168498169,7.321109707123232,1.8588932234432232,631,29,127,7,13,217,98,168,0.211,0.753,0.036000000000000004,-0.9819,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,8,6,8,2,0,10,0,16,4,0,2,2,22,29,10,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,3,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,11,4,21,22,1,15,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,7,78,14,9,0.31484780843677124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410730632839856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954645978579465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652066751941236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050416210387414,0.0,0.16653361699826424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825617501115329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388259648111482,0.0,0.19035760985756556,0.0,0.12162531789224605,0.0,0.08224749252207128,0.0,0.0894676326026049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542351384409944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551792464410124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124378680596769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508167848242232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437297398897595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24283003961814786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105248184371653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583657349584305,0.0,0.16185799245072366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022268034318796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864278094935745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618712398144079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106880497387816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285269742072036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460647718063498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137583297119923
suicidewatch,shugatits,2018/04/20,"Stuck and trying to find a way out. Any way out. Before I get into it, I should mention how much I hate doing this. I'm not whining, I promise. It's just that living life is getting so tough and I'm not sure what else to do. 


The situation is this: I'm 23, graduated college two years ago with a Bachelor of Fine Arts from one of the top-ranking art schools in the U.S. (not that it really means much, to be fair). Problem: I feel like it was a total waste and now I'm locked into a financial situation that prevents me from ending my life. 

Three years into my education, I had to start picking up extra credits to ensure that I'd graduate in four years. Extra credits meant that I was spending 32 hours a week in classes alongside 30+hours a week at several minimum-wage retail jobs hoping that I could cover my own living expenses, but rental prices in my area are exorbitantly expensive and when the money I was making wasn’t enough, I took out around 30k in loans to make ends meet. 

So now I've graduated and the loans are in repayment. They're private, and income-based repayment isn't an option any of my lenders provide. Worse, I have two aunts who agreed to co-sign on the loans, and if I don’t pay up, they’ll get hit with the bill.

Thankfully(?), I managed to find a job in my field (as a gallery assistant), but the pay is terrible and the job requires a two-hour commute. I can't save money because every paycheck I get vanishes once the loan payments, utility bills, and rent are taken out. I haven't eaten more than one meal a day in 5 years. I haven't bought clothes in 2 years. I hardly have any time for myself anymore, and when I do I'm too mentally/physically exhausted to even try to make art. I only have one or two friends, and I almost never get to see them as their work schedules run counter to mine. I was at a funeral a few weeks ago, and it was the first time I’ve seen my family in several months, despite being a short drive away. 

All of which makes me feel totally useless. Now I'm questioning every decision I've made to get here, and it's becoming more and more clear to me that I've always done what was expected of me, and that I'm lost without those expectations. I went to art school because people told me I was good at it and that art was worth pursuing, yet I'm here feeling like I'm mediocre at best. Most people I’ve met are quick to compliment my intelligence, but the truth is I feel like I add zero value to society. I don’t go anywhere or do anything besides work. I’m single and gay and poor and it’s so hard to watch people go about their lives (whether their circumstances are better or worse than mine) and still have fun and be happy.

More than anything else, though, I struggle with extreme mental and physical exhaustion. I understand that I need to be responsible for my life and accept the choices I’ve made, which I believe I have. Still, when I look for ways to fix my situation, my mind goes blank. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t want life any more if this is how it’s going to be, but I can’t just order my exit kit and go because I’d feel too guilty about leaving my family with my financial issues. Or rather, I used to think I’d feel too guilty, but now I’m not sure that even concern for my family can pull me back to reality. All I want now is pain and misery and death for myself, and I don’t know what I can do about it other than wait for the day it becomes too much and I stop caring whose lives get caught up in my wake. 




**tl;dr** Went to art school because people told me I was talented and could make it. Got loans because school was so time-consuming. Must pay those loans back now, but my shitty job won’t let me live any appreciable life. Constantly emotionally/mentally/physically exhausted and would rather just end all of it, but am stuck because my debt transfers to my family in the event of my death.

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suicidewatch,KittyCollector,2018/04/20,"Someone ended a relationship with me I'm still heartbroken. A man I was extremely close to for 2 years sent me an email a month ago cutting things off. It's not romantic - he's 10 years older - but he literally saved my life multiple times. He made me the person I am today. And now he's gone? I don't get it at all. I don't feel safe anymore. He was my rock. I don't even understand if we're done - he said he needed a break, but I couldn't tell how long he meant. I've just been walking around in a daze ever since. I don't know how to get over this. I need to see him again. I've been sending him emails even though I know he won't respond. I just need to hear his voice again.

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suicidewatch,lemayamays,2018/04/20,"Im dead inside I feel dead inside and every day I contemplate how I could do ""it"".  I have no real special talents and dont really add anything to society.  I try to push though day to day but im starting to break down",0.2059574468085117,2.1940559787234086,3.3908936170212804,87.49400000000004,84.95744680851064,6.313191489361702,22.16595744680852,7.554174236665415,1.082850212765957,169,6,36,3,5,61,31,47,0.154,0.76,0.086,-0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,6,5,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770284962310395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152004266073614,0.0,0.0,0.4883293728988368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958097174842857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126570212763332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276205048767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545268407097273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28728528931327085,0.16169324563959572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864929272196511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479807102255121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136233528334804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gogogoyubari,2018/04/20,"What's the point of living if you won't get better? I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and OCD since I was very young. The first time I thought about suicide was when I was 6, and I'm 20 now. I've held out for this long without even attempting suicide, but now I feel like it's time. The thing is right now I'm going to therapy for my OCD, and I've had the realization that none of this might ever get better. My therapist told me as much, and I don't know if she's saying that to avoid reassurance (which is part of treatment protocol) or because it's common for people to just not get better, or maybe she thinks I won't get better. Either way, I'm convinced that I'm always going to be anxious and depressed, and I'm sick of living like this. Even if it improves marginally with treatment, it will still be bad. I don't understand why people try and tell me not to kill myself if it will help me, I don't understand the point of living if life sucks, and what's more I don't understand what the point of living is if it's such a fight to just feel normal.


Now, the problem with me here is that I have 2 modes: wanting to commit suicide and feeling like I don't have the means to do so, and not wanting to commit suicide but feeling like I have to. Right now I think I'm in the first camp, but it will probably change again by next week, which makes things harder to plan. The reason I haven't attempted so far besides this is because I'm pretty picky about how I want to die, but now I'm getting a little desperate. Ideally I'd like to shoot myself, but because the only guns I could get my hands on are in a safe in my dad's house (and I think it would be cruel to do it there), I'm thinking of going to a shooting range and turning it on myself before anyone notices. I think I could probably do it in time, but the only problem is that I don't know how feasible this is. I've shot before, (I mean, I'm no Annie Oakley but it's pretty hard to screw up point-blank) so that part shouldn't be too hard, but I've never been to a range so I don't exactly know what safety measures they have in place to protect against that sort of thing. However, I think the main roadblock is feeling bad about leaving my family and the fact that some poor minimum wage employee might have to clean the mess up, but then again if I'm dead would I even be able to care?


I don't know if this is what I'm supposed to post in this sub, and I'm not too sure why I'm posting this at all, but I guess I just want to put it out there. I think I'm trying to rationalize it. The more I think about it, the more the gun range seems like a pretty good idea. I actually just thought of that as I was typing, and now I'm feeling pretty good that I don't have to go with the other ideas I had, which most likely would have been more painful. I'm feeling a lot calmer after deciding on that, and I don't get why people wouldn't want that for me. I don't know, I hope no one finds this offensive or in bad taste, but this is how I feel. I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, but here it is.",6.775772727272727,4.333593516666672,7.364545454545457,81.44681818181819,66.10606060606061,10.436363636363636,32.303030303030305,8.548686976883017,2.221157575757576,2411,68,547,27,30,804,239,660,0.184,0.67,0.146,-0.9854,3,1,0,4,1,8,65.0,0,1,1,10,37,37,6,2,26,0,62,6,1,5,8,129,135,50,7,25,33,1,11,7,0,12,3,4,1,0,52,22,1,4,35,0,2,5,26,17,0,3,12,17,55,20,68,104,14,57,0,2,1,1,11,23,2,20,32,360,107,2,0.0553672941653451,0.0,0.05403049227717439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607002412702648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042355828489540615,0.06254928273312511,0.0,0.03871409943412038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386881338039226,0.10125416586764877,0.0,0.09422697868160557,0.0,0.0,0.19587148925524955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056450646438290765,0.0,0.0585712557857204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841255822659591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953755386682417,0.0,0.0574625099752152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970872684446817,0.05008288740996725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219535737609544,0.0,0.22396294024838373,0.11866321804389306,0.0,0.0,0.050604703804018165,0.09419078426529442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024898820041962,0.0,0.12586603685584147,0.09287891892482457,0.0,0.0,0.06099331668706595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919644065452354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037111530186559515,0.0,0.0,0.0549922159826229,0.0,0.06388642371159661,0.0,0.12500587156493234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125570764685202,0.0,0.1825705013606348,0.0,0.0,0.058625970114931564,0.0,0.0,0.03910755727440126,0.18934764253393496,0.055492574263755784,0.19556134049540844,0.04899831302919106,0.04649458248952718,0.0,0.0,0.04707129354620028,0.0,0.0,0.03695809878945305,0.0,0.05562388885923147,0.12062242964907666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174718989769734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04070133185404563,0.0,0.042702670545729515,0.0,0.0588837454731019,0.0,0.05424819269239398,0.0,0.06303603137920026,0.0,0.0,0.03751831144327341,0.08421864431714728,0.05891470467641813,0.0,0.0,0.11991476815528025,0.0,0.1151541311453066,0.0,0.057847038074932224,0.0,0.20935995710912506,0.0,0.15907968863003993,0.22531377227084864,0.11939061524602122,0.1059580459996549,0.0,0.05565942318543407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035469706402914004,0.056926799811796235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456673339089816,0.0,0.044030294600747935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040430515798943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458003978834043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04421639264129413,0.0,0.0,0.0578819173900151,0.0,0.242251333365628,0.0,0.05218301950582617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839345551278722,0.0,0.06331732618560533,0.06428569595979064,0.11035071007238162,0.2838170117424045,0.0,0.08791089396102195,0.09685534343939352,0.0,0.0,0.052905822288252406,0.0,0.0751815166672569,0.06022371693314065,0.0,0.1729179175758818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568381621853762,0.16328532307923738,0.04394798097304032,0.04441230367573926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988111345754895,0.0,0.0,0.053372095788892855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117994011629357,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmostofitaway36,2018/04/20,"I did it to myself I did it to myself, I've cheated on my wife multiple times, when she was pregnant even, because I didn't think I was getting the attention I deserved. I left the army to move home and work a dead end job where I make 1/3 the money I used to. I really don't have anybody that cares about me anymore. If it wasn't for my 17 month old son I would have ended my life before he was born. He is the only thing that keeps me going, I don't want him growing up wondering why his dad didn't want to be with him. I'm so afraid of the day that I can't take it anymore and pull the trigger. I need help but have nobody to talk to.",3.797323943661972,2.9461558802816903,5.293063380281692,88.7286091549296,71.1830985915493,8.226760563380282,26.90492957746479,7.1686216300943375,1.0618845070422531,493,13,120,4,8,168,89,142,0.066,0.903,0.031,-0.3466,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,7,0,17,1,0,3,0,16,30,6,1,5,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,3,0,1,4,6,2,0,0,8,0,24,1,13,20,0,16,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,8,77,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37495493401800223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523738810045127,0.0,0.1608596172634286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273947880723566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191554060477396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33486770227330115,0.0,0.0,0.12485952577899548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876590509626038,0.0,0.1074361228513406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267099216253554,0.0,0.18962312363068135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759361458332066,0.16802796089399225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539315246309786,0.0,0.13352495820808605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618606070653865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089039413873345,0.20092022843861754,0.0,0.14017120100211988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983662975158117,0.0,0.0,0.14377388600220262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110424161424906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213499611380687,0.15194366425618044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559016702970455,0.12112957594661172,0.0,0.0,0.11023108734229377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327037258532415,0.0,0.0,0.22300207386688845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057972768262966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500645422931305,0.1376237998453484,0.0,0.0,0.13428901018684694,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpitAUniverse,2018/04/20,"I'm too scared to follow through I tried to hang myself yesterday, and three weeks ago before that, but I can't follow through. I'm tired of everyone around me telling me things will get better eventually, but I don't think I can make it until whenever it gets better. I've been starting to feel physical pain in my chest for the past week and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have to live like this until everything magically gets better. I used to sleep whenever I could so I don't have to be awake but recently I've been having dreams about when everything was back to normal. Then I have to wake up and remember that I can't have that life anymore and I feel horrible",3.987266187050359,5.1247067553956835,5.026683453237414,83.78117625899283,71.37410071942446,9.013237410071943,26.130215827338127,9.3871,2.047497266187051,545,17,113,12,10,179,84,139,0.105,0.7659999999999999,0.129,0.5187,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,1,0,17,6,3,3,0,18,33,13,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,3,2,15,4,19,27,1,19,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,13,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614529039163626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635044816169346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676722896478805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677310361210778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402902906325944,0.0,0.0,0.4374363139739879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163346275902232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753817619590585,0.29634496044478875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672415065192853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584097444641081,0.0,0.09369812732160693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060698982814044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645094966899555,0.080546042494873,0.0,0.1455812214212296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005048645187353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211967475733658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615353654673555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543088311291982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573848983919853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162786988344471,0.0,0.18676299303574012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506135382545772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498679019269955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166942241076864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410165822136842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953079046768953,0.10564058091674013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894911965132904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193436286531047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423927795636662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644938881627882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsbpdbitch,2018/04/20,"The hows and why nots of killing myself Driving head on into traffic: what if someone else dies, ..my pain is not their problem

Pills: If I dont take enough I could just reek havoc on my body and cause medical professionals a lot of unnecessary work to keep me alive

Bleeding out through cuts: its messy and might stain the bathroom or carpets...who is going to have to clean that up

Gun: I dont own a gun, would have to procur one. The shop that sells it to me might see my face in the news. The shop keeper wonders what if he refused me the sale...would I still be alive.

Jumping off a bridge: who is going to have to drag the river, what if some kids find my body on the banks...

Then of course I think of how devastating it would be to my family, my grandmother is everything to me. 

Not today. Today I will be strong.
",4.801077844311379,4.749811173652695,5.266712574850299,87.04737425149702,69.0,8.356646706586828,27.47844311377245,7.908726449838941,1.3653837125748507,634,18,141,7,10,203,102,167,0.16699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.085,-0.9433,0,0,0,2,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,2,0,11,0,18,8,4,3,0,31,25,11,2,8,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,9,5,0,2,3,2,4,4,5,5,0,1,0,2,18,1,22,16,4,16,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,10,4,99,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33405959934739304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447384192226285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006009839126396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606277523950227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524705862239777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561681648584824,0.0,0.0,0.15537485121123973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514498655212925,0.0,0.14175768392721647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743761835733312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092016193334175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543254300102585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365786815049802,0.1663647435301842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784120826086098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148433883415355,0.0,0.3190426344917465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189620691234512,0.0,0.16000679953213376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388604609155914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982730697709244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741001778920136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008756578256355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306130520822134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635254040374908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28507084089870444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356876714473534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307241654065874,0.10947287342078188,0.0,0.0,0.3204606433736033,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maes4577,2018/04/20,"Suicidal Thoughts Hi I'm dealing with unwanted thoughts of suicide and I'm really worried. I do have OCD (if that helps). I was researching IQ and it scarred me that I'm only average and probably won't have a future. I deal with stuff like fear of germs and sexual thoughts. But these thoughts have being going on for a couple of months now and I'm scarred I might kill myself. I don't know what to do, should I commit myself to the emergency psych ward?",2.310280830280832,4.598544252747256,3.6544322344322353,86.87112332112333,79.0,7.560927960927963,26.5946275946276,8.515128840125781,2.067336019536018,361,15,72,8,9,118,59,91,0.247,0.7040000000000001,0.049,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,0,1,18,21,7,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,9,1,9,12,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,46,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066599242986774,0.0,0.0,0.37393833382995867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204074931330808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306829483759873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155851509088778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006425718627363,0.0,0.09966803189032966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860095172840166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923891245222661,0.0,0.0,0.1447559276945594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792874202028615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553149428408545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618073464967245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760822520170608,0.3967461354285293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5759028353988234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417492899659849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MichellePancakes,2018/04/20,"I need to get some help I've had depression for a really long time already and suicide thoughts for a little less, i didn't notice it at first and brushed them off since i was sure i would never do it. 

I used to think about death constantly since i was a child and was really scared of it, im not scared anymore, i always think about that and seems more welcome than before.

Lately i've been thinking so much more about that, i have even planned my own death on multiple times. Today was different, my parents are thinking of getting a divorce after almost 40 years, it was a really bad day at a work that i feel stuck and i don't even think i should get out, it wouldn't even matter if im not here anymore.

Im thinking about my parents, my aunt died lately and my dad (he also has depression) got to a really bad place, i don't want to be the reason for him to get worse, but i don't know if i can make it.
I think about my mom and what would she think i did it, would she blame herself? I think about my dogs and what would they think happened to me? I do feel selfish about it, taking my pain away and passing it on to the people i love.

Those feelings stop me every time, but it's getting worse and im afraid someday that won't stop me anymore.

I used to brush away those dark thoughts as something normal, but now i realize it's serious and i can't keep brushing them away anymore.

I need some help...
",3.9132706766917273,4.266535894557826,4.733172216254925,88.6883941997852,71.00680272108843,7.686072323666309,27.03831006086645,7.475848149327749,1.2333564625850344,1099,34,243,11,19,356,139,294,0.175,0.785,0.04,-0.9859,3,0,1,0,1,2,29.0,0,0,3,3,14,13,0,3,9,0,27,2,0,4,2,60,61,19,4,12,7,5,3,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,19,12,0,3,19,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,13,6,41,3,32,40,7,28,0,2,0,1,19,11,0,6,16,162,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403348602391238,0.0,0.0815871972370071,0.0591244059196219,0.06151839978556688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932877327045259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838821075693986,0.0,0.1234623774356968,0.0,0.0,0.06291176372230868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989559501636158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047680840070908365,0.0,0.12735722693304752,0.0,0.07673105730508274,0.07724452682925646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649667426642948,0.0,0.062291965121253214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214864184813132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288759808950484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931353993917696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059131186563337136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537894274619728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911181918967477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194424561462125,0.0,0.0,0.06571528363885684,0.0,0.0,0.040631789341615536,0.0,0.1667998881749564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410055526073211,0.0,0.06542861365639749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672765889886692,0.0,0.049351028998273615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658974730166634,0.0,0.0,0.054349457206672766,0.109641159517075,0.057021892397977676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243890292945153,0.0,0.08417351309799438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867020745505357,0.0,0.1641882844362433,0.0,0.0,0.05125601741401275,0.0,0.07724452682925646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945417286995295,0.07601571077277942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804019358327491,0.0,0.0,0.06730606841171283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231672288951125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691744003720772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362304138136372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087099289053068,0.0,0.06968122801772554,0.0,0.055588614745610436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737345140674529,0.0,0.11738950918039785,0.12933324546660205,0.0,0.07008009115382555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277092072912257,0.0,0.0,0.04360775569210591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382429801668619,0.0,0.15068862821697065,0.2100802829971261,0.0,0.0,0.04761059915428245
suicidewatch,Macanduc,2018/04/20,"I've set myself a deadline: By 25 years old I'll kill myself... and it has weirdly motivated me. I'm a mess of anxiety and depression. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself now (I hate pain) but I've decided I don't want to live pass 25 years old. It feels strangely like ""the right time"" for me but at the same time it has motivated me...to do the things I would never want to do.

For example I have a trip to Japan coming soon but a multitude of problems came up (VISA problems, financial problems... Etc) cropped up. My anxiety would've told me to give up, I shouldn't go, I'm gonna go broke etcetc but now I can respond with ""so what? I'm not gonna live pass 25years old, who cares if I go broke? If I can't go now, what other opportunities is there for me? I'LL BE DEAD.""

It's strange... but not at all unwelcomed. I can't really share this with my friends or family... but they're happy that my mood is changing, I'm being more like""my old self"" and that the therapy is working...I can't really tell them that it's because I'm going to kill myself when I'm 25years old.",1.3044759825327503,2.849375812227077,3.5095611353711824,90.2944727074236,79.08733624454149,7.200087336244542,23.677074235807858,8.07648339933343,1.1368199126637553,827,28,193,15,20,284,117,229,0.201,0.6920000000000001,0.107,-0.9518,0,0,0,0,0,4,46.0,0,0,1,3,8,21,4,0,9,0,17,1,0,2,2,32,40,14,4,9,11,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,4,0,1,10,8,14,0,0,2,1,21,6,20,32,5,32,0,3,0,0,9,6,0,3,16,109,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292180230342748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491240120574036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179072266894725,0.1085687777443784,0.0,0.11264724237587592,0.09172758741243987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917155631799726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875916739743066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003847876294628,0.0,0.05384212630183236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227021613175914,0.0,0.0,0.10215032520287644,0.3025900198482597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113355495820833,0.0,0.10513210816221603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534303535224706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404659855609334,0.0,0.18805679873700287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827888838779908,0.0,0.0821279655785479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5586916235388539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330778089285246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056759206187437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643431613581092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090937795289481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108730708884797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930727750229346,0.0,0.1217751283243133,0.0,0.07074404795275123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418477518200464,0.0,0.0,0.10175119017770408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561548232888944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128808888260856,0.0,0.0,0.13714597969588352
suicidewatch,Panthers_Eyes,2018/04/20,"Life is a game that everyone else plays better than me. I don't want to play anymore. I'm so tired of struggling with the things other people find so effortless. And I'm tired of being told to just suck it up, I'll get used to it. 

I think I'm about tapped out this round. Maybe the next one will be better.",1.1259090909090936,2.80163098484849,2.466666666666669,96.97,80.06060606060606,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.4874666666666663,239,4,57,2,6,77,51,66,0.227,0.667,0.106,-0.8362,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,1,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,8,14,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,3,4,10,10,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374464133871635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990676798203145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884683271203776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558016258349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062035859516756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787198944391272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935511803453653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665571547995594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399389495064141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287927360302953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564096681030029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358567095620872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988535596324007,0.14456187166420498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186113479145044,0.0,0.21558016258349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485472861433545,0.0,0.0,0.1330707093262075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway220263,2018/04/20,My friend is being really suicidal but our therapist is on vacation and it's the middle of the night she refuses to care about anything on earth and it's really hard to do this over snapchat,2.5318421052631557,5.068348236842108,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,79.78947368421052,10.115789473684213,25.28947368421053,10.125756701596842,3.321031578947369,155,6,29,6,4,53,30,38,0.114,0.738,0.14800000000000002,0.3536,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,7,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876741307700959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564195840979487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700842436153173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31315455493261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280566663270723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478991402878871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38238321849749307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058887269339395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwannadie1234567890,2018/04/20,"will i die? hi i just took 15+ of my 200mg lamotragine. i want to be done, i want this to end. whats gonna happen to me? hope you're all doing great and have happy lives",-2.5107317073170705,-0.9089898780487786,0.8470243902439023,103.59492682926829,94.1219512195122,4.255609756097561,10.639024390243902,5.6839178017228535,-1.6666429268292688,129,1,37,1,5,46,35,41,0.09,0.597,0.314,0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32133152101850593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31684367349508463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742270194959442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413516655111118,0.0,0.0,0.2737915500328415,0.3295909585366975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075175869187784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27339574542128325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439936924581076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36523793511756014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ronald_McSwagger,2018/04/20,"I can't believe I'm actually posting in here My mind finally gave and I lost it. I cannot tell up from down anymore. I feel like the worst human being that ever roamed this planet always contaminating everything I touch. 
I just want to close my eyes and seize to exist. My mother killed herself 9 years ago and I know what suicide does to everyone around you. I don't want to do that to my friends and family but I'm in so much pain. I can't take it anymore. I wish I could just die.
I'm writing this as I'm waiting in psych ward by myself feeling lonely af. 
I can't stand this pain anymore I need it to stop. ",0.5673956043956068,2.677862992307692,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,84.46153846153845,5.560439560439562,21.59340659340659,6.868970318607317,0.5258021978021978,479,16,105,6,14,164,82,130,0.23,0.685,0.085,-0.9733,0,2,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,1,6,8,1,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,1,22,23,7,3,5,3,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,4,20,2,15,19,2,14,0,2,1,0,8,7,0,0,6,65,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.15537259007288418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411360507930908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248109857330193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737007281017309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173667195450698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938276571533895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271216269524824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652418593770591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933165926605495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402067438690752,0.0,0.15213843687917228,0.14309375716976844,0.0,0.15009539101922614,0.0,0.16100955516108886,0.11374448486903713,0.0,0.1744141776846766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301047351031505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614975456848658,0.0,0.08750136719647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778526638987349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738039011367813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607635395966913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704263801887707,0.1180572098128648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33883571565462905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248564411642415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311234027756916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415729307323152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197111884466528,0.0,0.13916246565044002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878203399484968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830914159497456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102530373053889
suicidewatch,cherrypiezzz,2018/04/20,"People who understand I have been depressed for the  majority of my life. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough for anything or anyone. All my life I've had people leave me or throw me away, when all I did was love them unconditionally and would do anything to make them happy.

I no longer have any friends, every guy I've dated only used me and threw me away. I was emotionally, verbually, and physically abused by my ex for years, and I was told I deserved it by him and his family. So now I'm only left with two family members who care about me.

I feel like a complete failure, for letting people hurt me over and over. I don't have a place to stay, so I'm technically homeless, I'm still in college, and I have no money. I'm just tired of these dark feelings, and the feeling of not being able to trust anyone again. 

I just really need to tall with others who understand this dark feeling, so I won't feel like more of an outcast. 

Thank you for reading.",4.983487972508591,5.251980252577322,6.103659793814432,80.0969673539519,68.63917525773196,8.940893470790376,29.053264604811,8.841846274778883,2.1005924398625435,755,25,154,12,12,253,110,194,0.118,0.7340000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.7426,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,2,0,10,12,0,0,5,0,16,4,0,2,2,30,37,14,0,2,6,1,6,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,8,1,1,2,6,2,0,1,8,6,26,10,23,25,5,18,0,2,0,1,13,8,0,2,10,105,33,2,0.1192524543436123,0.1412946580915387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109575829456263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676817766945073,0.0,0.19626921791433774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240832128131409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215858249627668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503392950638753,0.12886953793489234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271196418382016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414296019502478,0.0,0.12321966352737775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047533610067486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248412015170239,0.0,0.3617857443088001,0.2555819316325311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921341504073716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000233008090479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807867864433985,0.0,0.12694645513915334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276622188127629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627113045478694,0.12956814057230698,0.12194371416731994,0.16846307043390876,0.17478217655444864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076299959717816,0.0,0.07960193928484517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842418385342622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139373049943466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480239096726396,0.0,0.12459343319800212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928472575137188,0.0,0.07639617588613054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710724928635428,0.09523516408348393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979163788706564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706315352326928,0.0,0.1139508305769806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649231983437122,0.2482920212707711,0.0,0.10299583181201223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471352204563617,0.0,0.0,0.07679467075198917
suicidewatch,stop_my_heart,2018/04/20,"Just want Life stops. everything stops. When I dream, I am already dead.",1.0258974358974378,2.699951076923078,0.6230769230769262,98.31358974358973,115.15384615384615,4.810256410256411,19.71794871794872,6.42735559955562,0.5664564102564107,56,2,11,1,3,16,11,13,0.446,0.35700000000000004,0.196,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463511598053273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774942908379833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29667836157380617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7023248181994268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24774353345718866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FranckDaTanck,2018/04/20,"Daily routine of depression This past week I’ve woken up with positive a mind, but as the day goes along I start to get frustrated to the point where when I get out of work/school it occurs at the same time everyday usually when I’m heading back home.
I replay every mistake I made and eventually I’m enraged, cursing and insulting myself.
By the end of the night I’m crying and having images in my head of me committing suicide. ",8.256647058823527,6.602956282352943,8.939852941176474,68.81683823529414,62.647058823529406,12.264705882352946,37.720588235294116,11.20814326018867,4.250235294117648,344,14,62,8,4,117,64,85,0.289,0.6729999999999999,0.038,-0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,6,0,1,2,2,1,1,12,9,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,14,7,1,18,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,12,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856171864252442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407958339662801,0.14137462977434745,0.0,0.18880834293157345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941581737546778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846969032810073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290601050210228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499527707353435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988910328379546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074251982116812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134323405313244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571710327828568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926417517160475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722769763585924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185585525562615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551605065332555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239784086487989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782520657608687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414327979476412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758399182825763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595901035648047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karma7368,2018/04/20,"I genuinely hate my life. Until I was about 7, I had a seemingly “perfect” childhood. My dad’s family was rich. I had a huge Christian family. We lived right on the beach in a house that would be straight out of a magazine. I had everything I ever dreamed about and wanted. 

Except my father was an abusive alcoholic that I slowly watched get hooked to every drug in the book. 

My mom was always so kind and gentle, she doesn’t have much family. She was always there for me when I needed it. 

I watched her get abused for years. I can still see and hear it in my nightmares. I constantly have nightmares about my dad punching my mom in the stomach when she was 7 months pregnant and watching her lose the child on our bathroom floor because he would not let us leave. 

She got pregnant with my little sister a while after, and my dad went to rehab for about 7 months. He was doing good until 2 weeks after she was born and went back to drinking and doing drugs. I took most of the abuse then to save my mom and little sister. I did whatever he wanted to keep him from them. 

I constantly got pulled and put back in new school districts whenever they started questioning the bruises. I went through 10 different school when we lived there so I never had friends. 

When my sister turned 3, we went underground. For those of you that don’t know what that means, we got totally new identities. 

So fast forward a few years to senior year of high school - I have severe anxiety and depression and attempted suicide once. My mom developed major heart issues shortly after and I blame myself. At 18 years old, I had absolutely I idea who I am or what I’m supposed to. I had amazing grades and got accepted into my first choice college even through I hardly ever went to school. My mom had heart failure two weeks before graduation and had to have a transplant the day of my finals. Needless to say, I didn’t go and the wouldn’t let me make them up. So I didn’t graduate. I worked my ass off for the next two years to provide for her and my little sister. 

About two years later right beforeI turned 20, she went back to work. I had no one to provide for. I lost myself again. I started partying and drinking all the time. I lost my job and couldn’t keep one. (I’ve had a boyfriend since my junior year- we’re engaged now but he used to cheat on me all the time and doesn’t know the extent of what I’ve been through) 

I turn 21 in a couple of weeks. I’m terrified to live another year. My life has been miserable and I feel that I bring everyone down around me now. I constantly upset my mom and little sister. I have no idea who I am or what to do and all I can think about is death. I cry every night falling asleep dreading the next day. I got a new job today but I’m terrified to start it. I just want to die. I’m so scared and I can not imagine any kind of future for myself anymore. I don’t know what to do. What is the most painless way to die?  I want to do it tonight. 







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suicidewatch,blinkedlink,2018/04/20,"Looking to make a friend before I go Away forever. We don't even have to talk about me. I would be happy to listen to you and your issues to make your life better.

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suicidewatch,swigofbleak,2018/04/20,"A boy of many wonders? I always thought I was interesting until i got my heart broken and was told otherwise. This isn’t necessarily a call for help, more of a call for company. Im currently 18 and not living the dream. I believe some people just aren’t meant to live in this world and that’s okay. It annoys me  when I see people trying to pull others out of depression with answers like socialize more, be more active and it will cure your depression and suicidal thoughts. I’ve played top competitive baseball my entire life and quit this year because it’s NOT helping. and actually causing me to spiral down more. some people have crippling anxiety and CANNOT socialize more. Sometimes things just are what they are. Moral of the story is if someone , anyone wants to talk. is bored is suicidal whatever the case. My messages are more open than the longest body of water u can think of. If you’re 40, if you’re 100, if you’re my age. Just type and send me anything if you need a pal. i have many interesting things to talk about. ",3.854649719184156,5.929718165829147,4.807454921667162,81.44498669819691,73.37185929648241,7.898433343186519,27.283771800177355,8.671277953709913,2.1443340821755834,821,31,153,16,17,267,121,199,0.141,0.757,0.102,-0.8771,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,2,5,9,1,0,8,1,16,4,2,1,0,33,26,16,2,7,10,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,11,12,1,0,6,2,0,2,5,4,0,0,7,1,16,5,20,17,8,13,1,2,1,0,16,6,0,8,6,99,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.13121042143342715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187881187802916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285906850088804,0.0,0.0,0.09401530669215273,0.0,0.11064647329192223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819636049660606,0.0,0.0,0.15148674728510586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149351171215013,0.0,0.0,0.27459081063201835,0.0,0.0,0.13812415065002248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23161485479166866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753736964394094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593319314135063,0.1802470905072598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523639505258454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497079991206828,0.06568879092212483,0.0,0.23745559980145345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27263614172467265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969799850497514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27964620421863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301133589926562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071446453000083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741235088712116,0.11392479317173895,0.0,0.13298119324507418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941477877034068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614253289624055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786542199146557,0.08615447535083137,0.0,0.21348732834122253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284792150904799,0.0,0.09128732749009567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930609236433367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581264212008288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658575783422641
suicidewatch,iwannabnormal,2018/04/20,i just want to be normal I have had depression for most of my life (im 14) but just this past year it has really spiked. in the past 2 and a half months i have been to 3 therapists and my parents have tried 4 different anti depressants. they have put a lot of time and money helping me and i feel like im just becoming a burrdon to them. my grades are plumiting very fast and its putting a lot more pressure on me. for almost all of my school carer people have pushed me out for being weird and i only have about 2 friends. im always called wierd. i just want all of this pressure to stop. i just want to be normal,0.9245384615384644,2.9054574538461537,2.6515384615384607,93.86346153846156,82.15384615384616,5.8461538461538485,20.0,7.010146845296331,0.2704615384615381,479,13,108,6,13,158,78,130,0.15,0.743,0.107,-0.7769,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,2,5,0,13,1,0,0,2,26,17,7,0,5,6,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,5,0,1,2,1,16,2,16,12,6,13,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,4,8,73,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618095355947827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146960551341245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122682727823734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490650324452971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25147000196303754,0.0,0.0,0.15252123323632594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381342455613077,0.1042903316409591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278615479663012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978493720630799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730602868520116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311215686835178,0.07131995224138139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248219164908522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652229065755518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860648194145408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102670007152173,0.0,0.0,0.16209691905114834,0.0,0.2787147099758636,0.10120627710035868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29350660458944866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352049029883172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477426566284275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204838000748512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949759146772445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512389984870455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099112919349595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045131817410153,0.25831378415445044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940083083709328
suicidewatch,Jupiter_Actual,2018/04/20,"What is this Life, exactly? I've got nearly everything ready to go. I just need to write a short essay on this life, and why I chose to leave in search of a greater understanding. But I look around this subreddit, and see so many people who are definitely worse off than me. What is this life? If the Dirac Equation prevents the human soul, then what keeps me tethered here?",3.802500000000002,5.742980916666671,4.003888888888889,87.73,73.16666666666666,7.5777777777777775,24.5,8.344100000000001,1.3714000000000004,294,9,60,5,6,91,55,72,0.058,0.813,0.129,0.6416,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,12,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,10,9,1,8,1,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,1,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275930947142701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977222887675045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529842197383494,0.0,0.2044759971225139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227243844225096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707087998374337,0.0,0.0,0.5417442068884676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21469141747262602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592008113801233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956989298624072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724361505976358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372925483110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661528207015149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069489660667986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26054108923287883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lukedavis77,2018/04/20,So I just learned my uncle is dying I can’t get home because I’m in a community service program about 2000 miles away from home and if I leave I will forfeit my time here due to not enough hours. But if I don’t go home I’ll loose one of the closest people in my life. I’m really on edge here and don’t know what to do with my life. I feel like I’m standing on a cliff and am not afraid to jump. ,2.043113553113553,2.0848067362637366,3.940384615384616,93.82544871794872,75.04395604395604,6.945787545787545,23.957875457875467,6.42735559955562,0.3516358974358975,307,8,80,2,6,105,60,91,0.044,0.924,0.032,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,13,14,7,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,1,10,1,12,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,4,47,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938484157406428,0.0,0.0,0.13585373491455902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129408644486116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302745431270119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126850003693668,0.15921163569028274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643544955954535,0.0,0.1266567977171713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6706419677510639,0.0,0.21947276954149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247834092814575,0.0,0.0,0.2359771650337842,0.0,0.0,0.3148260226284641,0.10887841734740077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510160898639584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450345842935062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277018777056494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995179052556927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aroeroe,2018/04/20,"I just keep getting worse I have been becoming increasingly suicidal as of late. I have begun getting rid of things in my life in order to not leave anything behind. I go to therapy, but I am scared to let her know the extent of my suicidality because I would be hospitalized. I actually want to stop going to therapy because I feel like I am letting her down with how worse I am getting. I want to be able to kill myself without letting anyone down. I just don't see a future, and I feel like my mental illness is a burden to anyone that knows about it, keeping me from reaching out for help. I see my death in the imminent future, and I don't know what to do. ",6.383891257995735,5.427044574626869,7.814520255863543,73.1318656716418,65.94029850746269,10.343710021321963,34.81449893390192,9.606745405546679,3.1932230277185507,519,21,101,9,7,181,79,134,0.232,0.659,0.108,-0.9741,0,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,4,0,16,2,0,1,0,21,32,5,4,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,4,23,2,25,25,2,15,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,7,79,27,0,0.13175146724043418,0.0,0.12857042664902826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842473785374168,0.0,0.10842023158633474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062894311372344,0.14550914437998624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332350010508335,0.1882465490435082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650411137555735,0.0,0.14975479009298556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831023128952653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23421351539509885,0.14576347789766578,0.0,0.21722148239041894,0.0,0.14862139373718722,0.13950578039753,0.0,0.40417440506505853,0.09305995766570553,0.12873422374001758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327744907025483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319062029369677,0.0,0.209977722941318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015012605318283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882294420651873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013385700873241,0.0,0.08752982052089064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542085788243626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700371285770606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268532001921492,0.09359246219333912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deargodimstressedout,2018/04/20,"My best friend wants to die...and as an occasionally suicidal person it’s hard to deal with... It’s a funny thing...knowing your best friend is one day probably going to kill herself. I’ve heard it so many times in so many ways now. I’ve heard the plans for how, I’ve heard the reasons why, I’ve made every argument against it in the book, all to no avail. When it first started, it was a shock, but not an alarm. We all feel this way sometimes, it will pass. When it didn’t I would get concerned, do my duty and call the cops on my own best friend. I learned eventually that did more harm than good. I’ve tried pushing the doctor, but no medication seems to take the right effect. Side effects and long wait times for results make the process next to impossible. I try making life easier, taking stress away as much as I can from the day to day. Bringing gifts of food or craft supplies may give a very temporary boost on a good day. The cycle returns, washing over me like a wave, eroding slowly at the numb core of my solid love for her. Now it’s all about surviving, swimming into the wave. She won’t die today, the dog is still alive. But what happens when the dog dies, when I get married, when we grow up again? How can i ever leave her alone? What will she do without someone to put her back together as she falls apart with sushi and clean dishes and full refrigerators? What guilt will I live with? How long will I be numb to a world without her in it? How will I tell me kids about her? Will she wait until after my wedding? Will I find another best friend? Will I find her body? My own dark spirals of anxiety make me wonder if I’m blowing this out of proportion...it my stomach I feel the knowledge of all this pulsating, sometimes faint, a grey halo around my life and other days a throbbing in my belly stronger than my own heartbeat. It doesn’t matter, it’s not my choice. No human should live in suffering, how could I ask that of her? How could I tell her I was more important? But how can I let her go, let her do this? My wrath will come to those who let this happen. To her leech of a mother and abhorrant coworkers and idiotic ex boyfriend and to her useless best friend, who couldn’t keep her here...",2.557679659652756,4.419461269058299,3.4480269058295967,90.71052374381969,76.44394618834082,6.457767046107852,23.54352075428309,7.321109707123232,0.8057591813268945,1730,54,370,21,39,551,231,446,0.111,0.706,0.183,0.9909,0,1,0,0,0,0,65.0,2,1,0,10,25,25,2,3,25,0,33,14,2,15,5,67,63,33,4,7,10,2,3,1,5,13,9,3,1,3,26,17,2,4,11,2,0,10,11,11,0,2,8,7,52,14,53,35,16,58,0,2,1,1,44,19,0,5,28,247,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136917320242383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238177399106474,0.06010166070958482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993910033371477,0.07344724270533882,0.0,0.07381397477134231,0.06041128442420088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122432065932367,0.0,0.0,0.0872674966803372,0.0,0.0,0.08022318291961268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767639761440652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545479020233216,0.0,0.0,0.2533381552598144,0.080996594554176,0.0,0.0,0.24461277712258786,0.0,0.0,0.08041413930047239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106612746846631,0.06619401632965546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944918755191709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361313881933346,0.06682696053602594,0.0950005578102675,0.0,0.3034938569637453,0.0,0.08209346265630299,0.07536626896973474,0.0893000811427633,0.13179242317669015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894873264419905,0.0,0.07037839929502113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983177605379927,0.08692002703773702,0.0,0.043177018447670856,0.0,0.0,0.08318850770415169,0.0,0.24101270580878995,0.1109849209568472,0.03838266748828585,0.0,0.13874786249629215,0.13905429736781952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090756784110931,0.07433967063711974,0.15732732847831374,0.15930423176022726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914551213111687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057753979198497785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355428326960596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053237367917782163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859952897732655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470586581958724,0.0,0.0,0.07897906585414168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077743558754655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709369084914778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152220969201291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656748272572939,0.0,0.15540468475275332,0.0,0.055608388233524216,0.0,0.06274174589655551,0.0,0.08999541909648212,0.0,0.0,0.08593685900855942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814151841417572,0.0,0.1373377477204659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052194791699642334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162323418672244,0.0,0.07447000089321865,0.0,0.0,0.10668033580037947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482397630266154,0.04633940327238164,0.12472175544696128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089228054351376,0.0,0.0,0.15146683263464558,0.08519989604799577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580999755017296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IeatMEATeveryday,2018/04/20,"I'm going to kill my self in approximately 1 hour and 34 minutes from now Life is shit, all my life I've endured loneliness and bullshit from every other person on this Earth. They've punished me to be alone because I'm greater than them in every single way. So for this reason I'm going to punish everyone else before I leave the Earth. Have a good day ",6.0829166666666685,5.6665392361111175,6.999444444444446,76.94000000000003,66.3611111111111,8.866666666666667,30.5,8.07648339933343,2.1096,283,9,54,3,4,95,54,72,0.292,0.644,0.064,-0.959,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,2,0,3,3,1,1,1,4,8,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,10,7,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23802969472166816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009936713224844,0.0,0.19556439925640595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821830279098355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191989544067218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872754479181476,0.21960791904257532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26123002380954474,0.19276655409374369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22633162154034686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542676383047651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433518040537313,0.0,0.0,0.3246648062694077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067458348018294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23629868138724275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397579065091963,0.0,0.2359123634164069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824246222850057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0